NationStates Jolt Archive

And we turn back around to see what's ahead:


http://www.geocities.com/becquerelia/images/haraki.gif Haraki____at____Becqurelia http://www.geocities.com/becquerelia/images/becquerelia.gif


THE RIVALS
A Look At The Past Matches Between Becquerelia And Haraki


ROENTGEN (JNS) - Before he was a assisstant coach, Peter Constantine was the starting Forward and leading goal-scorer for the Becquerelian National Team. And he still vividly remembers the two Baptism of Fire matchups against Haraki. Vividly.

Said Constantine: "It was the last matchup in the Red Group before the start of the playoffs. Haraki was undefeated, and so were we. We both were guaranteed to advance, but we still wanted to win."

The game, however, didn't go Becquerelia's way. Haraki Goalkeeper Mark Stone, who will be starting today against Becquerelia, stayed tough in goal, and didn't allow Becquerelia any points as Haraki beat Becquerelia 2-0.

"So we got beat 2-0. SO we took that as sort of a challange. We wanted to win through, so we could beat Haraki in the Regional Finals. It was definitly motivation." recalled Peter.

However, it was not to be. Becquerelia went through the Round of 16, and the Regional Semifinals without giving up a goal, and then go the chance to avenge their loss against Haraki in the Regional Finals. However it was not to be. Haraki defeated Becquerelia with another victory 2-1 in AET..

Another player from that Baptism of Fire team, former Midfielder Michael Silva, now a announcer for the Centrifuge Sports Network had this to say about that loss.

"In the history of the National Team, that probably has to count as one of the biggest moments, really. We could have been competeting for the Baptism of Fire title, but instead we're going for third place. It got our World Cup qualifying attempt off on a bad foot. It started a trend where we always fall just short in just about everything."

But he was quick to say that this game isn't for revenge, saying. "Revenge for what? That's just idle musing. It's not their fault we didn't win the Baptism of Fire or haven't qualified for a World Cup yet. We've got to do that ourselves. And don't put words in my mouth."

SPORTSBLURB!

The Ians played to an extremely boring 1-1 draw today at the Westergate Footballing Grounds against Ozzelia yesterday. Both goals were scored in the first twenty minutes, the Ians' by star forward John Copplestone, but the two teams settled into a defensive posture after the initial outburst. The draw was enough to tie Iansisle with high-ranbked Kirstiriera in points, although they still remain six points off the pace.

Jay and Sam took the night off to play a game of Diplomacy against their friends; we look forward to their return for the match against the Kazoo Peoples.

(ooc: Sory bout the short RP just got off a double.. will do better 2nite)

Rottenburger: Due to legal issues and a broken satellite, the Match Today between Qazox and LE was not shown on QSPN, but we do have the scoreline:

LIVERPOOL ENGLAND 4 (Anthony Langer 15', 34'; Luis Sunderland 39' (PK); Adam Tsai 91+')
QAZOX 1 (Alicia Gonzalez (4th) 77')

Cards:
Yellow: Qazox: Helena Sexton 38'

Rottenburger: thus ends Qazox' perfect start. It was expected, but not in the way is was. Up next is a home game against Cataduanes. hopefully we'll revover from this defeat.

Harlesburg Crushed
Starblaydia open up 5-point lead

Just four matches in and the defending Champions are five points clear of their nearest rivals in Group Three, Bettia's 'Aroras', as they go into a five match run of Away games. Starblaydia's players will be racking up the air miles, just as a few of them ar racking up the goals. Marissa Cortez, Herge Costa and Jacqueline Maitland all scored their second goals of the campaign. For Maitland it was two-in-four, two-in-three games for Costa and also two-in-two for the left-sided midfielder Cortez.

The three-nil victory extends Starblaydia's lead in the Group by three points as Legalese did their northern neighbours a favour by holding Bettia to a one-all draw.

Herge Costa, just twenty-three, is proving to be an excellent player at set-pieces as the centre-back shows just how good he is with his head. Jackie Maitland's well-taken strike that made it three and finished off the match was, as ever, sheer class that the keeper had no chance of reaching.

Virginia Nova, surprise third-place team at the moment, are the next team to try their luck at the defending champions, who are unbeaten in the last ten matches - ever since Spruitland on Matchday One of World Cup 28's Finals. Another victory for the Champions on the road to Krytenia/Casari is expected, nay, demanded.

Group 3 P W D L GF GA GD Pts
Starblaydia 4 4 0 0 12 1 11 12
Bettia 4 2 1 1 8 4 4 7
------------- - - - - -- -- -- --
Virginia Nova 4 2 1 1 9 8 1 7
AwalKB 4 1 1 2 10 9 1 4
Harlesburg 4 1 1 2 7 9 -2 4
Spindomia 4 0 3 1 3 5 -2 3
Legalese 4 0 3 1 4 8 -4 3
Sexy Games 4 1 0 3 5 13 -8 3

GRAHAM CITY SUN - Sports Section

Stars Tumble, Look Flat in Loss

COMMERCE HEIGHTS - The Stars after a heartening performance against Oliverry, everyone was gearing up for the game against Commerce Heights. However, it seemed like the Stars didn't even bother to show up. The midfield looked dreadful, with even Captain Mackallen looking like total junk. Many fans have been unable to find a place to lay their blame however, since the team performed equally bad on Tuesday. "Was it fatigue, was it all the pressure, I just don't know," said manager of football ops Daniel Davies. "Doig wisely gave the team the day off to relax and try to regain their focus, and will increase the training regimen until the next match. Which we should take both, and then we'll be at the halfway mark. We shall see where we are then, but we are definitely in need of some improvement."

FINALSCORE
The Lowland Clans - 0
Commerce Heights - 2

Uto Decision Made

The World Cup Committee make final decision over Uto ban

The WCC have announced their decision in regards to actions towards D2R defender Xinza Uto, after he was sent off in the 1-1 draw against Squornshelous.


After much decision making was made over the evidence given to us in regard to Xinza Uto's dismissal during the qualifying match with Squornshelous, the comittee has decided that Uto's ban will be extended by 4 matches. The Revolutionary Football Association will be also recieving a $2 million fine, and will be allowed to split the fine between those involved. They will have until the end of qualifying to pay this fine, or risk dismissal from the World Cup, further fines and other disciplinary measures.

Dance 2 Revolution have begun their run of matches without influencial central defender Uto with a very nervy performance against The Anathematic Republics. Dance 2 Revolution eventually finished the game 2-1 winners, but performances will be required to improve if D2R are to continue towards qualification. Fachgar, who made his first international appearance against the Republics, looked understandably anxious and lacked real composure. However, after getting through his first 90 with the Revolutionaries, Taqin believes that 21 year old Fachgar can help D2R through this difficult period.


Obviously losing Uto for an extended amount of time is a huge blow for the team, but seeing Fachgar finally play for D2R was exciting for him, his family and myself. He is a promising young player and after overcoming his initial nervous spell, he will prove to be a solid player in the backline for years to come.

That's all for MD5, peoples.

High Fives All Round
Starblaydia shoot down Eagles

Five different goalscorers, all of them Starblaydi, netted in a five-nil win for the defending champions; a result cheered around the world. Starblaydia's excellent play was a wonder for all to see as the World Champions ran riot over Harry Reneldi's offensively-minded team.

Despite releasing their formation as '5-2-3', Virginia Nova actually played a 3-2-5 - much like our neighbours Nova Britannicus - though they seem to like getting things backwards. A number of Virginia Nova fans turned up at airports around Starblaydia, too, though they were crowded around the large TV screens the populate Starblaydia's travel destinations.

Unsurprisingly it was the team captain, Paul Noble, who began the demolition with a perfect free-kick in the first half. Having aimed for the back post, the flighted kick was missed by absolutely eveybody, though most crucially Alex Potter didn't get his hands to it, and the ball dropped into the net for one-nil. Durum Rage made it two a few minutes later as he received a great ball from Pedro Rujano to nutmeg Potter with consummate ease. David Bedford had barely been troubled to this point, his greatest action being to pick up a pearoller from Jeff Sanderson. From this kick out of his hands, Starblaydia gained their third as Keifner knocked the long ball down for Rage, who returned the favour and set up the onrushing Rujano, who slid it home for three-nil.

In the second half two more goals came, one a thunderous shot from Keifner that nearly broke the post as it bounced in off the woodwork, while substitute Talenii Karo scored her first goal as she won just her second cap, set up by a through ball from fellow substitute Maivia Von Erich.

This victoy keeps Starblaydia's five-point lead over Bettia, who beat Harlesburg 3-2 today also. Legalese climbed the table with a 1-0 victory while Starblaydia's next opponents, AwalKB, beat Spindomia. The Sex Gods have seemed pre-occupied with Legalese up until now, but playing the defending world champions will surely be a wake-up call for them.

Group 3 P W D L GF GA GD Pts
Starblaydia 5 5 0 0 16 1 15 15
Bettia 5 3 1 1 11 6 5 10
------------- - - - - -- -- -- --
AwalKB 5 2 1 2 12 10 2 7
Virginia Nova 5 2 1 2 9 13 -4 7
Legalese 5 1 3 1 5 8 -3 6
Harlesburg 5 1 1 3 9 12 -3 4
Spindomia 5 0 3 2 4 6 -4 3
Sexy Games 5 1 0 4 5 14 -9 3

PORTLAND, Somerset The Brig had seen occasional bedlam in the early days of Stars football, back when the Sarzonian national football team was what some recent prognosticators described as "the original Hypocria." In the heady days of four straight semifinal appearances, the crowds turned rather tame, only letting boos escape from their lips when the team suffered a then-rare defeat.

However, a team that is clearly rebuilding in what some insiders are describing as Incorporated Football Federation president Sir Douglas Freech's parting shot to a Sarzonia team he chose to assist Dave Wilson with operating didn't have the weight of expecations on it. At least most knowledgable Stars supporters knew better than to expect the Stars to win based largely on a sterling reputation.

After all, this Stars outfit had only two recognisable faces anywhere near their sidelines, and both were assistant coaches. Brian Wilson, the team's all-time leading goalscorer and only the second player to score a hat trick in a World Cup final was the right hand man for an unknown head coach, Mark Wingate. Horace Sandt, the goalkeeper who backstopped Sarzonia's run to its only World Cup title was also helping out.

That's why the noises bursting out from The Brig were so refreshing for anyone who bemoaned the lack of fanatic enthusiasm on the part of Stars supporters. During Sarzonia's impressive 3:0 win over Kericia, the crowd began a low rumble that most who walked by the building didn't usually hear. After Sarzonia's 0:2 win over Dorian and Sonya that allowed the team to remain ahead of Rejistania by goal difference, that rumble was audibly replaced by a roar.

"The excitement's back in Stars football," several fans yelled after the final whistle.

"We'll show those Dorian and Sonya media types," another fan shouted. "We aren't going to be their bitches just yet!"

The Orange-Blues' 0:2 victory over Kelse propelled both Sarzonia and Rejistania four points clear of Kelse for the two World Cup berths after five matches. However, most supporters realise there's a long way to go before anyone can book their visits to either Krytenia or Casari.

"It's just five matches. We're only roughly one third of the way in," one fan pointed out. "We've got to keep doing well and hopefully rebound from our last two World Cup showings."

Before this World Cup began with the Stars ranked lower than they had been since World Cup XXI qualifying, that thought wasn't even on the minds of most Stars supporters. However early it may be, this still brings about good feelings for most supporters.

"They're not playing like a team of newcomers to international football," said one fan. "That reflects quite a lot on Brian Wilson, I think."

[OOC: Because Casari hadn't posted tables as of this edit, I'm posting Group 7 tables. So there. :p]

Group 7 GP W T L PTS GD GF GA
Sarzonia 5 4 1 0 13 8 9 1
Rejistania 5 4 1 0 13 5 7 2
Kelse 5 3 0 2 9 2 9 7
Kericia 5 2 1 2 7 -1 5 7
Dorian and Sonya 5 2 0 3 6 -2 7 9
Tecpatl 5 1 2 2 5 -1 7 8
Aigosthena 5 1 0 4 3 -5 3 8
Snub nose 38point1 5 0 1 4 1 -6 4 10

PALADINS SQUEAK PAST CHALLENGING EAGLES SIDE

Road win "small but crucial step" on the road to Casari or Krytenia

GEISENFRIED - In what was a much tighter match than anyone expected, the Paladins overcame determined opposition from a talented Geisenfried side and their enthusiatic home fans to pick up a 1-0 win on a Jacques Toussaint goal midway through the first half.

The Paladins came out in much more focused then they had been since losing 2-0 to ASMV on their home turf in the Paladin Dome. Coach William Branstone, laying down the law after reports of various breaches of discipline, including prank calls made by "a variety of starters" to different sports radio stations throughout the States, had his team in impeccable form for the match against the Eagles, and they needed every bit of it.

The early going was fairly slow, the Eagles probing out the Paladins strength while the States side got established in the midfield and attacked the Geisenfried defense from a variety of angles. Toussaint headed in a corner kick by Hugh Faulkner in the 23rd minute to put the States up, and they were thankful they scored early on.

"Geisenfried was untouchable throughout the second half," said Branstone during the post-match press conference. "They are a very good side, and they made us sweat for 50 minutes straight after the half."

PALADINS 1 - Toussaint 23
GEISENFRIED 0

TOURNAMENT SCORING

Villeneuve 3
Faulkner 2
Hunyadi 1
H. Labranche 1
Pilon 1
Toussaint 1

"Bazalopes finally win!" by Nev Gould

It seems that Neil Kabant's position as Head Coach; despite a 4-0 win against soccer unknowns Bostopia; is not yet secure. Despite a great performance by the Bazalopes getting past the Bostopian defense times while having a rock solid defense from Bostopian strikes. James Gaines has said "The turn around certainly buys Neil more time but we can't be certain he'll have his position until the end of Qualifing."

So it seems Neil's position is secure in the short term but exactly how long he will stay is matter up for debate. If the Bazalopes finally make it past the qualifiers then who knows but if they don't history can certainly look bleak.

Peter Hobble scored 3 times with Michael Irchov scoring in-between the 2nd and third. The times where 23", 35", 70" and 88". All we can say now we are glad Hobble is back in the team.

..........................................................

PRESS RELEASE - BFP

After a long and grueling investiagtion into the events regarding EG Inc and It's Soccer World Online game that suffered a serious breach in security that totally destroyed the game and EG. Inccorporated's internal network we have determined that not only a citizen of Atheistic Right, a person known as "Hard Drive" was responsible. We have tracked this person responsible and now have made a petition towards the Atheisitic Right government for the extradition of this person to Bazalonia to face trial on a number of Federal communications and computer crime charges.

No response has been received but we are optimistic about the person responsible facing justice for their actions.

Lioness was in her office getting the various reports, both media and internal match reports. She looked at the latest report from Praying2No-one they lost... by one goal. Well that was not going to air so she destroyed the report and ordered a hit team to covertly keep a watch over Bear.. just so he would not be out of her sight if she decided to do something about him.

She picked up the next report.. it was actually a press release from the Bazalonian Federal Police... Soccer World Online destroyed... EG Inc. ruined... IT sounded like something that her idiotic pre-decesser would do. She went to the files and rumbled through the paperwork... one thing about the Late-Lion.. he was meticulous with his paper work.. She found the right peice of paper and it confirmed it.

Either way the Great Lion had issued a statement dening all charges and refusing the request for extradition saying saomething along the lines "If you want him, come and claim him".. totally ripping off a movie but it had the message the the Great Lion wanted to say.

"What's this with men and big shows.. wars and wastage.. when subterfuge is much more efficient.. anyway... I'll keep this just incase I need it later." Lioness thought to herself before going back to her duties

Elven Sports Network
Current Show: Football Central

"Good evening, and welcome to another edition of Football Central. I'm Jennifer Sar filliing in for Jason Klien and joined in studio by Richard Rios. Once again the Maruaders fell in a poor result on the road, 4-0 in Cuation. The Marauders played well for the first half, conceding just one goal, but had another meltdown in the second half.

I'm completely baffled by these away performances Richard, it's nothing that we've seen before by the team. I really don't know how to explain it, do you?"

"No I don't Jenn. In previous competitions the Marauders were at least .500 away team, but they have yet to win one on the road in this Cup. Luckily for the Marauders their next three matches are all on ESF soil where they have dominated their competition. They are going to have to repeat results if they have any chance of qualifying. This loss today is a huge hit to their chances, as the losses and goal differential begin to pile up. One of the bright spots thus far have been just picking up one booking, and that was in todays match. Titenburg had no choice but to take down Lu Fei from behind in the penalty area in the 28th minute. The ref gave him the appropiate yellow and awarded Lu Fei the penalty, only to be stifled by a diving St Louis."

"Yes, St Louis showed true form on the great save. It's one of the few times I've actually seen a goalie save a penalty. The lone Cuation goal in the first half came 7 minutes later when Lu Fei broke down the Marauder defence and made a nifty pass to Rual Mendisez who put it home. The half ended with Night thinking she had evened it up but only to see that the referee's assistant had his flag up. Even though they were down at the half, I felt they could come back, didn't you?"

"Yes, they had broken down once and allowed the goal, but they had their fair of chance to, just weren't able to finish. I thought they would come out in the second half and press the issue, unfortunately it wasn't to be."

"Yes unfrotunately it wasn't. As Mendisez scored again in the 51st minute, Fei in the 69th, and Fallen in the 88th off of a corner. The Marauders had their chances, with Zacharius whistling one by in the 46th, Night hitting the crossbar in the 54th, Tatum missing the penalty in the 60th, and Swent being taken down just outside the penalty box without a call in the 74th. I'm sure Florintine will be drilling the team on finishing and proper clearing during the next few pratices."

"He should Jenn. As for the rest of the group, Becquerelia pulled another 1-0 upset this time against Haraki, Audioslavia buonced back by dominating Spaamanian Plijous 3-0, and System Karela winning in a thriller 3-2 over Intyny."

"Well the Marauders face off against the unknown Intyny squad in the next match at the Hatire Memorial Stadium on the Island of Capri. That and every other home match have sold out, so the Marauders will have plenty of supporters to cheer them onto victory. This is Jennifer Sar and my partner Richard Rios signing off."

End Broadcast

Cuation V ESF

Mendisez (35')
Mendisez (51')
Fei (69')
Fallen (88')

The National Informant



Hockey Canada freezes The Team

The Team, having emerged from hiding, faced the unstoppable Canucks in an interesting, yet rather unremarkable game. Having rearmed themselves during their absence, The Team took to the pitch wearing nothing but their jerseys. This rather disturbing clothing desicion was in response to something Fnab Fnab had read in a foriegn newspaper(he's the only person in Raging Penguins who reads anything from other countries), which held that the Canucks were the coldest team in the world. Thankfully, Mrs. Tweezly's jersey is a full length cotton dress, so it wasn't too bad, and well, all the Penguins wear is their jersey, and DMYS doesn't wear anything at all, so all in all, it was just Willie Dee, Furious Porridge, Fnab Fnab, and ABSOLUT LUNATIC in the altogether out of the pitch.
An apology has been issued to all the traumatized Hockey Canada Fans for the unexpected sight. After one or two of the more hot-headed Canucks decided to counter The Team's challange, and wear no clothes at all, a spectator of dubious origin advised them not to, reasoning that nobody wants to play The Team without a protective cup, and body armor. Thankfully, the Canucks took the advice to heart, much to the chagrin of Irritated Penguin, who'd been looking forward to causing more grievous bodily harm than usual.

During this game, the Canuck's medic, Vsevlod Bobrov, took to the field at least eight times, after some extremely violent arguments broke out between Canuck Striker Mike Ko, and Team Striker Furious Porridge, over which sorts of shoes were the best to wear when running on iced mud. Other notable scuffles occured when LUNATIC chased Defender John Cormack across the field with a hockey stick, screaming semi-coherently about ice hockey, sticks, shoving, and rear ends. He was tackled by Denfenders Perrault and Sylanko, who released The Team's captain quickly after remembering that LUNATIC wasn't wearing anything under his jersey.

The whole first half was filled with angry players attempting to kick one another between the legs, and after Willie Dee was kicked squarely in the unmentionables by Ko(who received no penalty, because the Extremely Dangerous Hair had been trying to eat him when the blow occured), Midfielder Rahul Kulkarni scored from halfway across the field, scoring the only goal in the game.
Second half involved more fist-fights, 'ball-kicking', and other violence. Furious Porridge almost scored a goal, but Wild Penguin kicked him between the legs, and the ball was almost forgotten as a small brawl erupted between a confused, angry, and embarrased Porridge and memebers of the Canuck defense. The fight was broken up by a squad RagePeng Security Penguins, who later issued a restraining order against DMYS after the slime accidentally covered one of the Penguins, nearly asphixiating him.

The Team is once again a total failure, and this time humiliated itself even worse than usual after Porridge admitted to being "a bit chilly" after the match was over, the pansy. Chilly? It wasn't more than -22 Cº!

Our reporters overheard some HC fans talking excitedly about some "tactics employed marvelously by the Canucks", but we expect that this is some foriegn word, and we didn't bother interviewing them to understand what 'tactics' meant. They probably would have just said 'eh?'.

THE ARCHREGIMANCY BRINGS YOU

WORLD CUP TONIGHT

With Fr. Nicholas the Scribe and Fr. John the Golden-Throated

"Well, that's a bit more like it, Fr. John...."

"I know what you mean, Fr. Nicholas! After sleepwalking to top of the group in the first four matches, we suddenly faced total humiliation at the hands of the 107th ranked team in the world - Catholic Balts at that - which was only narrowly averted through what is surely divine intervention!"

"Well, stop talking about it, and show us the highlights!"

"Just hang on a second.... here they are..... now.....

It was an unseasonably warm day in East Lithuania, with storm clouds threatening on the horizon. It was also a day of ill-omen, as the Holy Icons of the Mother of God, Bringer of Victories and Official World Cup 29 Archregimancy Holy Icon St. Anthony the Great both fell to the ground as they were being venerated during the pre-match warm-up.

Ill-omen indeed, as the unheralded home side took a 12th minute lead against the run of play following an uncharacteristically sloppy back-pass from Fr. Dmitri the Humble that was pounced upon by the Lithuanian forward, who stroked the ball past the despairing Fr. Justinian the Thrice-Blessed.

Things went from bad to worse for Fr. Dmitri in this incident just ten minutes later, when he cut down an on-rushing opposing winger just inside the box, and Legalese ref James Hundley had no choice but to both award a penalty and send off Fr. Dmitri. Fr. Justinian in fact saved the first penalty, but Hundley ordered it re-taken due to encroachment by Fr. Michael the Lesser - and this time the Lithuanians scored.

Just for a change, this time we were the team down 2-0 inside the first half an hour, and this time it was the opponents trying to shut the game down. We were also down to ten men, though at least this allowed Coach Kyrill, Metropolitan of Solovetsky, to play his favoured 3-3-3 formation in honour of the Holy Trinity.

Our lads were totally ineffectual for the rest of the half. They were equally ineffectual for most of the second half. Soul-strengthening humiliation finally beckoned - and then, with 10 minutes left.... A MIRACLE!!!!!

The Holy Icon of the Mother of God, Bringer of Victory was seen to glow as if from within as the storm clouds finally broke overhead. As the rain began to pour down, lightning cascaded down from the heavens, and a mighty thunderclap did rend the air. By the time everyone had picked themselves up again, it was clear that the East Lithuanians had been badly affected by the lightning strike; dizzy and disoriented, they barely seemed to know which way was up.

After enquiries from referee Hundley, The Archregimancy officials on the sidelines were willing to concede the fixture in an appropriate gesture of Christian humility. But in a moment of madness - surely he must have been afflicted with demons of self-destruction - the East Lithuanian coach insisted that the last 10 minutes be played out in full. "We're winning 2-0 and we're a man up! We can beat this lot with both hands tied behind our backs!" Hundley had no choice but to allow the match to continue.

Alas for the opposing coach's folly, his disoriented squad proceeded to score three catastrophic own goals in the remaining ten minutes without the Archregimancy players even touching the ball. And so, against all the odds - against all common sense - we won."

"Fascinating stuff, Fr. John, but there's one thing I don't understand...."

"What's that, Fr. Nicholas?"

"Well, you strongly imply that the lightning and thunder was a divinely inspired miracle...."

"Yes....."

"But then you state that the opposing coach was possessed by demons...."

"Yes....."

"Well, Fr. John, aren't you arguing that we simultaneously benefited from thunder sent Heaven and a coach possessed by evil? Aren't you implying that the Lord our God was implicitly working with powers of darkness to secure us the victory? Isn't that just the teensiest bit theologically inconsistent? And how does the ill-omen of the falling icons fit into all of this?"

"Well, Fr. Nicholas... Truly this was a mighty victory for the Lord. The thunderstorm was a great manifestation of the Energies of God - entirely consistent with the formulations of St. Gregory Palamas. As to the demonically-possessed East Lithuanian, in this case Satan's minions were working against East Lithuania, not for the Archregimancy. That this worked in our favour only shows God's superiority over evil as our right-believing monks triumphed despite the intervention of the Dark One. As to the Holy Icons falling over... that was just an accident. Somedays a cigar is just a cigar, you know...."

"Well, no, I don't actually - I don't smoke....."

The AwalKB Times

AWALKB PREPARED FOR THE WORST

AWALK CITY, AwalKB -- Despite AwalKB's recent 2-1 victory over Spindomina, the suspected momentum leading up to their next game would be obvious, until you look at the schedule.

First up, Starblaydia. What explanation is needed? Two time World Cup champions and current defending champion, ranked second in the world, currently resides atop group 3 in World Cup 29 qualifying with a record of 5-0-0 and a goals for record of 16 and goals against with an astounding one.

The expected result of tommorows game against Starblaydia in AwalK City stadium is grim for the AwalKB side. It was all summed up essentially in a press release from new head coach Joe Wallace, "I expect our team to put up a fight for a good minute or so, then the Staryblaydia side should get into a rythm, then we're pretty much toast. With all their goals for, and our more offensive formation, which I'm to utterly stubborn to change at the moment, I expect about 6 goals against for our side, and about 1 goal for. At best anyways."

Whatever the result, the Sex Gods will get no rest after the home match against Starblaydia as they go on to play 22nd ranked Bettia, another expected loss. Although the match is, again, at home for the AwalKB side, dominance of the pitch is expected to be matained by the Bettia. "Our only hope really, is to catch them on a counterattack. With their team so focused on offense, our only hope is to exploit that essentially," replied Wallace at this evenings press conference.

Although the chances of AwalKB defeating Bettia are far greater than that of them defeating Starblaydia, the outlook for the incredibly new team is still very cloudy. By Joe Lohos

Starblaydia's excellent play was a wonder for all to see as the World Champions ran riot over Harry Reneldi's offensively-minded team.


OOC:To be honest I actaully have a very defencive minded team.(I signed up as a -1). But for some reason *coughscorinatorcough* my team scores alot :P

Starblaydia 5
VirginiaNova 0


STARBLAYDIA-Excuses,Excuses,Excuses. The Eagles have a lot of them after yesterday's 5-0 drubbing from the second ranked Starblaydia. the first excuse wasn't really an excuse but a very good reason to not play. Starting Goalie Alex Potter didn't play this game becuase both parents were Killed in a tragic car accent on I-75 last Sunday. B.J. Hampden was playing in goal for the second time in three weeks. Once again Hampden struggled. The first goal came from a Paul Noble free kick. Next one was Durum Rage's fault. a third goal form a player name Rujano made it 3-0 and then it was half. It didn't get any better as early in Keifner Shot a thunderous shot that nearly broke the goal. To add insult to injury Talenii Karo, a female player, got one by Hampden. The Next game is key. We will be playing Bettia. If we win We're in the transfer spot but if we loose it could spell disaster for the Eagles.

AwalKB Football Report

Coming to you live from AwalK City, I'm Joe Lohos with the AwalKB Football Report.

Internationally, the AwalKB Sex Gods overcame the efforts of Spindomina today at Spindomina in a 2-1 battle, but does the squad have what it takes to defeate upcoming opponents Starblaydia and Bettia?

Headlining the AwalKian First League, former AwalK City manager Jon Fungo has just signed a 5-year contrack with the Fairtown Landrovers in what is expected another dominating year for the squad.

We'll be right back with more on AwalKB's struggling victory over Spindomina earlier today.

<Commercial Break (Anchor speaking to director)>

"Are you sure we have this right? The AwalKB team WON a game?"

"Yes I'm positive."

"This was a football game?"

"Yes."

"Alright if you say so, I still don't buy it, how could we possibly win games with such a crappy team?"

" 'cause there's other teams that are crappier pretty much."

"Yes, I suppose."

"Shit, we're on in 3-2-1"

<Anchor looks quickly ahead to the telepromter>

And welcome back to the AwalKB Football Report.

Earlier this evening the AwalKB Sex Gods secured a 2-1 victory over underdogs Spindomina. Expectedly, it was a fight to the finish. With the game knotted up with a goal from striker Hitch Hiker in the 33rd minute as well as the equalizer from Spindominan striker Name Here in the 52nd minute on a rebound off of Taylor Johnson early in the second half.

Both teams seemed ready to accept a draw until the 90th minute when striker Jon Calzone pulled off heroics for the Sex Gods by swiftly beating 4 defenders and the keeper and suddenly finding himself with an open net upon which he easily scored.

Despite this victory, the AwalKB squad is not looking forward to their next two home games against second ranked Starblaydia and twenty-second ranked Bettia.

The test for the squad truely begins in these next two games as the fate of their qualification may very well rest upon them.

I'm Joe Lohos, and we'll be right back with the latest on Jon Fungo and the Fairtown Landrovers.

http://img214.imageshack.us/img214/3189/sportsnetrv9bw.png
SportsnetRV Soccer Central

The Dismal Performance of Rorysville Continues. This Squad once the feared up and commers that could shock the world have now become a laughing stock. This is not what the Money the RVSG Shelled out should have resulted in If this continues Coach McKlintok can expect his Termination.And with Rival Marceau doing decent this makes it even harder to swallow. This is the 2nd time in three games that RV has been shutout.With this loss RV's Chances are getting less and less at advancement
"Well I'm not happy with the result I think a lineup change may be in the works. Beyond that who else knows what changes need to be made I know at home my head is on the chopping block especially after my comments after the loss to Marceau. I do However offer this I know what it will take to win and if it's me leaving the team then so be it I'll take it at that now as for the game not much good has come out of our last well all five games zero goals in two games and a lone goal tonight is unacceptable. For our next Match I'm giving Larionov the start at the keeper position and ,maybe a couple other lineup changes will be made I still have lots of tape to review so please excuse me as it will be a long night"--Coach McKlintok
"This loss will not be tolerated I have called a team meeting without coaches and We came to the conclussion that we aren't as a whole playing our game so things are going to change"--Captain Mike Jasper

Well the highlights of the game
in the 22nd minute Van Hujkdul stripped the ball off of DeSalle and went in unmarked and blasted a shot past Linstrom
in the 83rd minute Maeda split a pair of RV Defenders and put a shot past an outstretched Linstrom.

Scoring Summary
D2R-Van Hujkdul(22min)
D2R-Maeda(83min)

SportsnetRV Man of the Match-Fauchgar Mitnav(D2R)
Moosledge Systems Player of the Game-Jaun Pérez(RRV)

Rorsyville WC XXIX Schedule
MD1- Sativaville D 2-2
MD2- @ Marceau L 6-3
MD3- @ Horzel D 0-0
MD4- @ Squornshelous L 6-1
MD5- Dance 2 Revolution L 2-0
MD6- Anathematic Republics
MD7- @ Sarvoski
MD8- @ Sativaville
MD9- Marceau
MD10- Horzel
MD11- Squornshelous
MD12- @ Dance 2 Revolution
MD13- @ Anathematic Republics
MD14- Sarvoski

Other Group 1 Scores
Anathematic Republics 2:0 Sarvoski
Sativaville 1:3 Squornshelous
Horzel 3:1 Marceau State

Quakmybush Wins Again!!!!

The Quakmybush national team pulled off another win with a 2-1 win over Rordia. Jon Fields scored both goals for Quakmybush, and player number 9 scored for Rordia. Cam Carroll played another stellar game in net saving the game fro Quakmybush in the 90th minute. The unranked squad is no in second in group 12. Tommorrow the team will face 195th ranked Bothen. The team hopes to win to keep atleast second place.

SPAAM SPORTS WEEKLY
NationStates' Most Notorious Sports Publication

Its Qualification Time Again

Yes, here it is folks. The most stressful time of the football fans life is back
to haunt us - Qualification. We all remember the last one, where the Waffles
had their most disappointing season in history, finishing dead last. Even the
Gulls, cruelly drawn into the same group as us, performed better. An
ignomious performance at best. However, the old guard has been replaced,
and a new team, hungry to wipe the slate clean, has emerged. We even
have a third place in the Cup of Harmony under our belt, so we know we can
at least win. Bring it on!


Spaamanian Team Chosen

Link to the full roster (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=11136918&postcount=55)

The new Waffles have been chosen for qualification into Casari and Krytenia,
with a nice mix of experience and youth hopefully giving us the variety we
need to perform well. Credan Trethewey, the oldest player on the team, is
captain, and should prove pivotal in midfield. Crewenna Roskelly, our highest
scoring midfielder since Lehua Hoopai has been chosen as vice, and will be
good suport for our young wonder striker, Tehta Trevelyan.

Feoca Arthur returns as goalkeeper, with debutante Sowena Prisk in reserve.
Tamsyn Pengelley will coach her first qualification season, after a successful
Cup of Harmony, while former international Perran Muddle will assist. There is
one underage player on the team, with 17 year old Eseld Retallack on reserve
striking duty, but she has proven herself competent coming from top scorer in
the national youth league.


Not Hockey Canadia AGAIN

The good news: Spaam is the second seed going into Group 9 of the
Krytenia/Casari World Cup qualifiers. The bad news: Hockey Canadia is the
top seed. The Waffles have been drawn with their official bogey team, but
revenge will be on our mind when we play the Canucks. Anyway, here is the
rundown on the teams that we'll have to face to qualify.

Hockey Canadia (4)
http://www.nationstates.net/images/flags/uploads/hockey_canada.jpg

Spaam's official bogey team, there is no other team we have lost to so much.
Assistant coach Perran Muddle will especially be looking forward to facing
them, having been on the wrong end of two defeats to the Canucks. In any
case, the fourth seeds should safely dominate the group, with the Waffles
being the only team that could possibly draw a point from them.

Led by the unfortunately named coach Toe Blake, the Waffles will find it hard
to score past veteran keeper Kyle Thomas, while midfielder and captain Rahul
Kulkarni will be dangerous with the ball. On the bright side, the average age
in the team is comparatively old, which Spaam will hopefully capitalise on.

Spaam (34)
http://www.nationstates.net/images/flags/uploads/spaam.jpg

The Waffles are the second lowest ranked second seed in the entire
qualifiers, with only Haraki in Group 4 ranked one place lower. In a sense,
that is good luck for Spaam, meaning that apart from the Canucks, we have
every chance of beating the other teams. There is only one team that we
are really worried about...

Giant Zucchini (45)
http://www.nationstates.net/images/flags/uploads/giant_zucchini.jpg

There are very few nations in the world, that have been playing international
football longer than Spaam. There are only three that have been playing
since the first World Cup in Ariddia. The Waffles faced two of them in the
last qualifiers, Ariddia and Alasdair I Frosticus. Now they face the third, and
the only one to have won a World Cup (World Cup 3 in Total n Utter Insanity,
where Spaam debuted).

This is the only team that can really prevent Spaam from qualifying, and they
have every chance to do so. A strong team led by the great coach, Domingo
Ferrero, they are however not as good as in the heydays of the legendary
Urk. Striker Yoshikatsu Nakamura will cause a lot of problems, as will Vicente
de Silva when he comes of the bench.

Anastasiania (65)
http://www.nationstates.net/images/flags/uploads/anastasiania.jpg

A team which has slowly been moving up the rankings, they never seem to
bother the top teams. A loss against them would be quite disappointing, but
they definitely have the potential to prevent a win. Their roster is usually a
secret, so there is nothing to say about the players.

Raging Penguins (94)
http://www.nationstates.net/images/flags/uploads/raging_penguins.jpg

Raging Penguins are a surprise outfit that can never be underestimated, as
we found out when we played against them in the last qualifiers. Captain
Absolut Lunatic is a very dangerous striker, while Willie Dee and his Extremely
Dangerous Hair is brilliant on his good days. And as always when playing the
Penguins, its a good idea to have health insurance.

United Island Empires (155)
http://www.nationstates.net/images/flags/uploads/united_island_empires.jpg

The NSSR (184)
http://www.nationstates.net/images/flags/uploads/the_nssr.jpg

The UIE and the NSSR are two low ranked teams who don't have a good
history of football, so will unfortunately just prove to be practice time for the
top teams. There are no players worthy of note, and none who play in the
top AO, FIFA, or Heartland leagues.

Matterbuggy
http://www.nationstates.net/images/flags/trinidad_and_tobago--64.jpg

A new nation, this is their first foray into international football. They are
probably the most offensive minded team in the group, but there is some
talent in the front line. The team captain, Matt Lowry has played for some
overseas clubs, and will drive his team with his experience.


Waffles Qualification Draw

Spaam vs The NSSR
Hockey Canadia vs Spaam
Spaam vs Matterbuggy
Spaam vs Giant Zucchini
Anastasiania vs Spaam
Raging Penguins vs Spaam
United Island Empires vs Spaam
The NSSR vs Spaam
Spaam vs Hockey Canadia
Matterbuggy vs Spaam
Giant Zucchini vs Spaam
Spaam vs Anastasiania
Spaam vs Raging Penguins
Spaam vs United Island Empires




OOC: Sorry for the lack of RPing... life is in the way. Match reports to come...

QSPN FOOTBALL WEEKLY

Rottenburger: Live from Qazian Memorial Stadium in Qazox City, The Black Oxen return home from a 4-1 thumping at the hand of Liverpool England. Vic Ditale once again will not be joining us as his dog died or something like that. I expect the Black Oxen to come out and try to prove that last week's loss was just a fluke and they will beat Catduanes. and Here we go with the match...

Fast forward to 11th minute...and Carlos Gaurin has put the Islanders up 1-nil here early as his deflection of a cross just slipped past Reggie Hassok and Qazox finds itself once again down early...

Fast forward to 29th minute... and Gaurin has scored again this time weaving between the Masons and launching a 15 yd knuckler just over Hassok's head and HC Jason Bourne, just back from his 4 game suspension has seen enough and puts in John Frorr at the net as clearly there is something wrong with Reggie...

Fast Forward to 48th minute..Butch Sacario, the lefty, lines up for the free kick and....Its in and the Black OXen are getting stompped here today as its now 3-nil early in the 2nd half.. and it looks like Bourne wishes he had a 5 game suspension instead. Subs coming in for Qazox, Likens in for Anthony Mason and Turek in for Bookman.. hopefully that will shake things up here...

Fast forward to 76th minute.. and Jarod Megia has been sent off with a red for that blantanty hard elbow, as he already had a yellow from earlier in the match...Toni Souletano will take the penalty as that foul occured inthe box.. and its in and Qazox is now down 4-0 and most of the crowd of 92,000 is leaving....

Fast forward to the 86th minute...Likens has the ball, Qazox still with 10 players, looks for Mason, passes to goys, weaves, passes to Turek and He SCOOOOOORRRRRRRRES!!! at least the Oxen won't be shut here as Fernando Turek scores his 1st cup goal but the oxen still trail 1-4 late in the match.

(End of Match Report)
CATADUANES-Goals- Gaurin(2) 11', 29'; Sacario 48', Souletano 76'(PK)
QAZOX- Turek (1)- 86'
Bookings:
Qazox: Yellow- Megia, 29'
Red- Megia 76'

SPAAM SPORTS WEEKLY
NationStates' Most Notorious Sports Publication

Waffles Win Away From Home

At the start of Spaam's tough seven game streak, which includes six away
games and a home game against the Canucks, the Waffles were eager to
start on a good note against Anastasiania. And a good note was hit in just
the third minute, when Spaam's top striker, Tehta Trevelyan, beat two
defenders to post the opening goal. With the visitors already up by a goal,
Anastasiania regrouped, and put more defensive pressure on the Waffles. It
produced the desire result, with no more goals in the first half, but both
teams did make some good chances throughout the 45 minutes.

Three minutes after the break, Crewenna Roskelly scored again for the
visitors, thanks to some help from Jenifer Uren. Two goals down, the home
team started to become desperate, and it showed when in the 70th minute,
Bedistani referee Roy Donahue red-carded Anastasianian defender Tom Cruise
for a dangerous tackle on Tehta Trevelyan. Trevelyan was replaced by 17
year old Eseld Retallack, who quickly made her mark, scoring her first
international goal against the depleted Anastasianian in the 75th minute.
There were some more wide chances, but the game finished with a
comprehensive three goal win for the Waffles.

() Anastasiania 0:3 Spaam (1 Trevelyan 3; 4 Roskelly 48; 20 Retallack 75)


Group 9 Roundup

Giant Zucchini 4:0 Matterbuggy
Raging Penguins 0:1 Hockey Canadia
The NSSR 1:1 United Island Empires

The Zucchinis had an easy match at home and let the reserves get some
game time, when they hosted the young Matterbuggians. The dominated
four-nil, but young Matt Lowry did make the Zucchini keeper work. Raging
Penguins showed the Canucks what REAL cold is like, and kept the visitors
scoreless until the last 5 minutes. A win to Hockey Canadia, but the Penguins
gave them a scare. And the NSSR and the UIE drew one all in a mid-table
clash.

The Canucks are unbeatable on top, but the Waffles are performing well, and
are only a win behind. The Zucchinis are a predictable third, one win behind
Spaam and eager to pounce. The UIE and the NSSR are fourth and fifth, and
still in the running for a qualification place, however unlikely. The wooden
spoon currently looks like a race between Anastasiania and Matterbuggy
(both four points behind), and Raging Penguins, who have disappointed with
only a draw to their name.

Group 9 GP W D L PTS GD GF GA
Hockey Canada 5 5 0 0 15 13 15 2
Spaam 5 4 0 1 12 9 12 3
Giant Zucchini 5 3 0 2 9 0 6 6
United Island Empires 5 2 2 1 8 1 8 7
The NSSR 5 2 1 2 7 1 5 4
Anastasiania 5 1 0 4 3 -6 6 12
Matterbuggy 5 1 0 4 3 -11 5 16
Raging Penguins 5 0 1 4 1 -7 3 10

Next week, Spaam head to Penguin territory, in what should be a very cold
match. Though the Penguins are at the bottom the table, the Waffles will be
glad to get a point. Anastasiania host Giant Zucchini, but you have to
expect the visitors to win with their current form. The UIE host Hockey
Canadia, in yet another easy win for the Canucks, while Matterbuggy host
the NSSR in a must win game for the home team.


Goal Scorers

5 (01) Tehta Trevelyan
3 (04) Crewenna Roskelly
2 (10) Budeaux Pomre
1 (07) Jenifer Uren
1 (20) Eseld Retallack


History

Spaam 2:1 The NSSR
Hockey Canadia 2:1 Spaam
Spaam 4:0 Matterbuggy
Spaam 2:0 Giant Zucchini
Anastasiania 0:3 Spaam
Raging Penguins vs Spaam
United Island Empires vs Spaam
The NSSR vs Spaam
Spaam vs Hockey Canadia
Matterbuggy vs Spaam
Giant Zucchini vs Spaam
Spaam vs Anastasiania
Spaam vs Raging Penguins
Spaam vs United Island Empires

GREEN WOMBAT FREE PRESS

The last couple of games for Green Wombat have gone well as they beat Benlandngdo 3-1 on the road and score a national record 4 goals against Bostopia, but lost as they gave up 6. Goals were scored by the following persons. (IC and OOC: the computer was down yesterday couldn't get on :headbang: ) At: Bostopia: Gregory Henderson-(3 goals) and Debbie Lebeau and at Benlandngdo, a hat trick for Juanita Hess. In othe action the last couple of days, Qazox lost a pair of 4-1 matches (YAY!!!!) to top seeds, Cataduanes on MD 5 and LE on MD 4. Cataduanes tied Bazalonia 2-2 on MD 4 and Tinsuvilia beat Benlandngdo 3-1. On MD 5 the other scores were: Bazalonia 4- bostopia 0 and LE 4- Tinsuvilia 0. as of now the standings are as follows:


TEAM W-D-L PTS GF GA GD
Liverpool England 4-1-0 13 14 3 +9
Catadaunes 3-1-1 10 13 5 +8
Qazox 3-0-2 9 10 11 -1
Green Wombat 2-2-1 8 11 13 -2
Tinsuvilia 2-1-2 7 7 8 -1
Bazalonia 0-1-2 5 7 6 +1
Bostopia 1-1-3 4 8 16 -8
Benlandngdo 1-0-4 3 4 12 -8

SATIVAVILLE STONER
We tell you Where the Doritos Are!!

Sorry but I missed yesterday's deadline adn I'm Monty Python and now for something different as Sativaville lost its home debut to Horzel 1-2. Humberto Pellecchia did score, but too late to helop. As for today's game, we hosted top seed Sqournshelous, and lost, but we did lead at half time 1-0 on a penalty kick goal scored by Teddy Terada in the 34th minute, but the top seed played like it and answered with a three goal out burst in 11 minutes starting in the 56th. through 5 games we've lonly lost 2 matches, a much better showing than expected Here's the table:
Group 1 GP W T L PTS GD GF GA
Squornshelous 5 4 1 0 13 10 14 4
Dance 2 Revolution 5 4 1 0 13 8 10 2
Anathematic Republics 5 3 0 2 9 6 12 6
Horzel 5 2 1 2 7 -2 5 7
Marceau State 5 2 0 3 6 -3 13 16
Sativaville 5 1 2 2 5 -1 7 8
Rorysville 5 0 2 3 2 -10 6 16
Sarvoski 5 0 1 4 1 -8 2 10

Up next for the Fritos is a home match against Dance 2 revolution, which sounds like a video game or something hopefully we'll win.

http://i40.photobucket.com/albums/e228/Sonya0111/SylMedCen.png

Unicorns Fall To Stars 0-2

Queen Sonya Sabre looked out over Elanesse Tulcokelume and the fans that were slowly filing for the exits. Sadly she wished today’s result had been better for them, but the fact that the opponent had been Sarzonia had been too much to overcome. Their resurgence, it seemed, would last at least a bit longer. That didn’t help the fan’s attitude when the two matches at home thus far had been losses.

Sarzonia had proved why they were still to be feared, controlling the match from whistle to whistle. Some would say that the Mystical Unicorns had done well to keep the score as close as 0-2. Others, however, would see it as more of a mercy granted by Sarzonia.

The loss drops the Unicorns to 5th on the Group 7 table, one point behind Kericia. This is the side we need to beat in order for us to attain our goal of finishing 3rd behind the dual-headed group monster of Rejis and Sarz. Kelse sits in third, but we will get that spot as well. (Hopefully)

Kericia is the next opponent and we desperately need a home win or the fans will likely break out the guillotine for the Unicorns.

Praying2God Watch. The Warriors finally got their first victory as Athiestic Right fell just short. Hopefully they can build on that and get back into the Group 12 picture.

http://i14.photobucket.com/albums/a318/stormgiantxxxl/ASMVFNN.jpg

Sea Dragons Earn Another Draw

This is Kellan Kildan reporting live from Lisburn Mateys.

The good news is that today the Sea Dragons remained unbeaten during the qualifiers for WC29. The bad news is that the 1-1draw with Lisburn mateys is the third such result for the Sea Dragons out of five matches. But it could be much worse, just ask the guys in Praying2God and Cuation.

ASMV started very slowly today but that is not unusual as no fast start has taken place in these five matches. And once again the Sea Dragons failed to score in the first half. The only real news from the first half is not good news for ASMV fans. Porche Alexander suffered a severely sprained ankle as a result of a very hard tackle from a Lisburn defender. Initial repots say that she will miss the next four matches. Porche is the second leading scorer in Sea Dragon history. And despite the fact that she has yet to score in these qualifiers, her presence will be sorely missed.

That means that either Ali Devincenti or Leena Draghi will move into the starting lineup for the time being. Both have played very well and account for all ASMV scoring thus far. Pablo Iglesias still has not scored. That brings the total matches without a score from Alexander or Iglesias to five. That is by far the longest in ASMV history.

Lisburn Mateys would score first in the second half, and once again ASMV would play from behind trying to avoid the loss. They cut it close this time - too damn close if you ask me. Evan Evans found Arobi Khazir-Zarazoroba on a cross in the 93rd minute for his first ever goal at the international level. That also preserved the draw for the Sea Dragons. But five matches have been played. 2 wins. 3 draws. And no goals from Porche Alexander, Pablo Iglesias, Evan Evans, or Jenni Ulrich. Ouch.

Next up is a trip to Geisenfried. We rate them as dangerous opponents like Lisburn. They are very capable of huge upsets. After all they did defeat Sarzonia in the Draggonnii Inviyatii.

Friends Watch

Cuation got a blowout win 4-0 over Elves Security Forces. Not too secure if you ask me.
Tadjikistan Crushed Molvania 4-1
Dorian and Sonya wishes to forget an 0-2 loss to Sarzonia
Milchama handled Kaze Progressa 2-0
Ariddia dropped Elrich 2-0

Lots of 2-0 scores today.

This should have been an easy match, Sliponia had only obtained one point to date. But he had not contemplated the difficulty in playing a team that could do little other than spoil.

It looked easy enough to start, 2-0 up by half-time against an eleven man defence, but the thuggery started in the second half. Firstly Cooper was carried off with a badly bruied ankle after it was trodden on in a goalmouth melee. Then Kent was taken at hip height and also had to be substituted (for which referee Flim dished out a yellow card).

The third came with half-an-hour to go but it was Barnes' own last contribution as he was kicked in the head as he dived in to put Devey's cross home. That created a shemozzle in the area as the Swifts, outraged, finally decided to take matters into their own hands and pile in to the Sliponians. Unfortunately this resulted in red cards for both Tanner and Moon as well as a third substitution.

And facing 9 men Sliponia came forward. It soon became 8 men as Talbot took an elbow in the face (unseen by Flim) and had to leave the pitch to get stitches. The Swifts held on, but in the final five minutes Sliponia scored twice. Fortunately the second was about the last kick of the game.

The Wentland players refused to exchange shirts and went straight off the pitch. NSFIFA may take action because of the crowd violence at the final whistle as the Sliponia players left under a hail of bottles and other debris for their negative play. The return match could be interesting.

Northern Caesarea 1 Fmjphoenix 1

1. Cuéllar *

17. Heredia *
21. Perea ***
15. Molinero ***
22. Ibañez ****

24. Novo *
13. Vizcaíno *****
8. Ríos ****
11. Maxi ***

23. Salmerón *****
20. Toledo *****


4. Justin Keys *

8. Kayla Mik’ala **
14. Brian Bash ****
18. Brian Sado ***

6 Laura Boyd ***
5 Desmond Howard 0
12 Ridley Silverlake *
10 Andrew Jenkins *

3 Mike Nolan *****
7 Brian Dougood 0
16 Selphie Timmett **

The crack
Toledo
The tricolor forward made the match of his life. An exhibition of stength and technique. His goal, from outside the Fmjphoenix area, is one of the nicest of the national team history.

The dandy
Vizcaíno
After some grey matches, the defensive midfielder stroke back. He was the real leader of the team: a kaiser defending and an excellent organizer attacking. Got rival midfielders mad.

The tough guy
Novo
Wanted to compensate a bad match with violent tackles to Fmjphoenix players. He got a yellow card after a terrorific tackle to Laura Boyd, which could perfectly have been a red one.

Not his day
Brian Dougood
The Fmjphoenix striker had Perea as his shadow. With him, his team played with one player less.

Azaña-Fans who got to the National Stadium last night had a good deal for their money. The Tricolore Fury equalled, and sometimes overwhelmed Fmjphoenix, a team in the world football elite.
Northern Caesarea played very well in all the lines. Perea and Molinero were great stopping the rivals attacking game and the midfield, leadered by Vizcaíno, was a destruction-construction machine. The strikers were fabolous. Only the great Brain Bash match avoided them to score more than a goal.
The match started badly for the Tricolores, as Mike Nolan scored a goal in minute 5, after an excellent first minutes of his team. But this goal didn't depress NC players, who improved dramatically and dominated during the rest of the match. Their fair reward came in minute 50, when Toledo scored a terrific goal from outside the area after an excellent assistance from Salmerón.

The Monhakyiev effect

He has experience from his previous job, where he led Vaksh Qorgontheppa, not only to the third place but also an excellent preformance in the NSFA Cup, where Regar-TadAZ Tursunzade(a Tadjik club) kept them from getting past the quarterfinals . But leading the Tadjik national team was still somewhat different and Piotr Monhakyiev really needed some time to get accustomed to his new job. 'It usually goes quite easily and I'm always afraid that I'd be skipping important details. Leading a national team is still somewhat different from a Tadjik club. The advantage is that I now have all the players that I'd want ever wanted to buy for Vaksh Qorgontheppa.'

Monhakyiev usually preffers young players but for his first match as national coach, he decided to use the same team Alexander Zaev had in the previous games, succesful as they had been against Nedalia, eventhough that match was played in Dushanbe unlike this one.
Monhakyiev did not copy the cautious ideas of the Sadirovs and had his team on the offense most of the time, explaining his tactic Monhakyiev said 'By pushing them back into their own goal, we prevent them from attacking ours. Simple, isnt it?'

Halfway the match, the Molvanians were able to score on a counterattack, but by then the Tigers were already leading after goals by Tulberdiev and Berzarin. Some on the Tadjik side were a bit scared that it might end as a draw, especially with Tadjikistans reckless tactics and asked for a more defensive stule to be adopted, now that the Tigers were in the lead.

But Monhakyiev would not budge, his team remained offensive-orientated. and near the end of the Second half, this strategy paid of. Tadjikistan ended the match with goals from Zyrianov and Maximov.
'The individual skill of our players was better than the skills of our opponents and we have good strikers, we should exploit that advantage or you'll get pressed away onto your own half and before you know it, you lost.'
Monhakyievs strategy might produce some critisism but he ignores it, using his results as argument. Saidomir Saradov, one of Tadjikistans topscorers was alos topscorer in the Tadjik competition. Supposedly, it was Monhakyiev who molded him during his reign as Qorgontheppan coach.

Offensive power might be the answer to qualifying and the way out of the pit that Tadjikistan has been in recently. Offcourse we'll have to wait until MD9(in Nedalia) to see whether Monhakyiev is the man who will put the Tadjik back on the map, in the meantime, he can perfect his tactics, first in Ozzelia on Matchday 6.


Fixtures:
MD1: Tadjikistan - Iansisle W 3-0
MD2: Tadjikistan - Nedalia W 2-0
MD3: The Kazoo Peoples - Tadjikistan L 1-2
MD4: Tadjikistan - Kirstiriera W 4-1
MD5: Molvania - Tadjikistan W 1-4
MD6: Ozzelia - Tadjikistan
MD7: Dicuban - Tadjikistan
MD8: Iansisle - Tadjikistan
MD9: Nedalia - Tadjikistan
MD10: Tadjikistan - The Kazoo Peoples
MD11: Kirstiriera - Tadjikistan
MD12: Tadjikistan - Molvania
MD13: Tadjikistan - Ozzelia
MD14: Tadjikistan - Dicuban

Tadjik Topscorers
Tulberdiev - 4
Zyrianov - 3
Berzarin - 2
Elisarov - 1
Nabiyev - 1
Yarygin - 1
Maximov - 1

Ariddia consolidates second place

Today the Rouge-et-Noirs travelled to Elrich to face the Elrich side for the fourth time. It was only the Ariddians’ second away match in this tournament, and the players seemed eager to travel abroad once more. They were well received in Elrich, and came onto the pitch looking confident. After an energetically performed ulek, the Rouge-et-Noirs went straight on to attack.

The opening goal came in the thirty-fourth minute, as Elrich goalkeeper Burns for once dived the wrong way to stop a shot by Ul U, and it was 1-0 Ariddia. With the crowd cheering continuously, Tadjou Sheyi Senaya, fielded in Kyaw’s place, scored his first World Cup goal in the fortieth minute. 2-0.

Most impressive of all, however, was Ariddian goalkeeper Sandrine Leduc. Seemingly brimming with newfound confidence, the experienced captain stopped several well aimed shots, and helped keep her team in the lead. Once the match was over, she had conceded only three goals in five games, and all of those had been to Jeruselem. Astonishingly, in four out of five matches, Ariddia had conceded nothing, startling and delighting fans used to seeing their team conceding heavily and trying to score more than they let in.

“I want to thank our supporters for that,” a beaming Leduc said after the match. “They’ve been absolutely great since the start of the Cup. They set a great atmosphere in the stadium, and I really helps us perform well.”

In the sixty-eighth minute Leduc had been injured as Jamie Mudge accidentally stepped on her hand, earning himself a yellow card in the process. For a while, fans had feared Leduc would have to be replaced, but the team’s doctors allowed her to continue playing, and she will undoubtedly be present for Ariddia’s next match.

The Nedalia Lions

Lions Defense Shines in Latest Victory

Alisserena, Kirstiriera – With internal tension and strife overshadowing the recent attempt of the Nedalia Lions to qualify to their 2nd consecutive World Cup (and 3rd overall), the team has been quietly taking care of business in a surprisingly solid fashion. Although they haven’t been tearing teams apart, the Lions have so far collected a 3-1-1 record with their latest victory over over Kirstiriera infront of the opponents home crowd, a respectable record that has put them 3rd in Group 6, tied at 10 points with The Kazoo People (whom they drew with 2-2 in Kafra), and behind first placed Tadjikistan (whom they lost to 2-0 away from home).

What was worrying, however, in the last match was Nedalia’s inability to control the middle of the field, with deliveries to the 2 forwards (Tim James and Jimmy Kelly, who was subbed for goal-scorer Lumiere at the 71st minute) coming few and far between. They were on their backheels for most the match, but despite that, the opponents couldn’t seem to break the seemingly impenetrable Nedalian back four, something that cant be said too often. The Kirstirierans haven’t been impressive in their past matches, earning a victory only against last placed Ozzelia, and thus their inspired performance against the Lions will be a cause of concern for new manager Sam Dilford.

Some of the blame has been placed on the aging legs of the midfield, and with the Lions holding one of the highest average age per team number in the entire qualifying campaign, there is a real question mark on whether the likes of Innit Point, captain Trent Hardman, and Nene (34, 35, 34 respectively) can stay running for the entire course of the grueling qualifying campaign. Their level of performance hasn’t dropped as of yet, but they clearly don’t possess the pace and athletic ability they once had.

What was supposed to be a year in which all the new stars of Nedalia would take the center stage and show what the country is made of has become a swansong for the players who brought so much glory, and disappointment, to Nedalia. While it is true they are entering the twilight of their careers, the Lions veterans continue to believe they can make an impression if they can only get to the World Cup Finals. Dilford has put faith his in aging stars, and although their lack of pace was exposed against Tadjikistan, he has claimed that this could be their most impressive performance yet.

In other news, our friends over in Jeruselem continue to top Group 14, and their latest victory over Khenas has put them at 4-1-0. The Nedalian media and experts believe this Jeruselem team could be the most impressive one yet; in fact, their have been predictions of a loss free qualifying campaign. Nedalia’s 2nd team could, and should, be one of the star performers this time around.

Top Goalscorers

Lumiere - 2
Jimmy Kelly - 2
Tim James - 1
Nene - 1

“Hello everyone and welcome to Tynelian Soccer weekly’s postgame show. I’m Sal Spikeman along with Anna Dalespin. Today Tynelia, after their upset of top seed Praying2god took on the group leading and number two seeded McPsychoville team. As Anna correctly predicted the match ended in a scoreless draw which is not surprising as there two squads have given up the fewest goals in the group so far. Speaking of the top seed, they finally broke through with a narrow 1-0 win over second place Atheistic Right. This result puts the Right into a tie with Tynelia but only for third as Quakmybush continued to surprise with a 2-1 win over Rordia, Tynelia’s next opponent, which jumped them into second place with nine points, one ahead of Tynelia and Atheistic Right. In the other match Bothen was shutout by Krajkovia. So Anna how does this affect the big picture for Tynelia?”

“Well Sal, the team must be feeling pretty good about themselves after going 1-1-0 against the top two teams in the group. Rordia as I thought before the Cup began has had some trouble making any sort of winning streak so far and is a team I think Tynelia will be able to match up well with and possibly steal a win. A big matchup will be the Atheistic Right match with McPsychoville. Ideally a draw would be perfect for us as long as we win as that would let us gain on two of the closest teams to us in the standings. Quakmybush seems to be following the Geisenfried surprise pattern so far, winning just enough to make the high seeds nervous and with a match against Bothen don’t be surprised if Quakmybush comes out with another win before we go visit them to finish off the first half of play. The question here is if they can maintain this pace for the second half. And don’t count out Praying2god either. This win could be the sign of the beginning of a run by the top seeds as they face krajkovia and Bothen in their final two matches of the first half. Two wins would put them at 10 points and by no means out of it going to the second half.”

“That’s true, despite the slow start by the top seeds, Tynelia is only four points ahead of them, still well within reach. Today’s match was a defensive rather boring game in fact. Both sides were content to wait and let the other team be the one to make the first mistake. As a result no strong attacking was made by either side and what offense there was came off counterattack. Because of this shots were even at only 6 each with only 1 quality attempt for each side. The second seeds had a slight time of possession edge holding the ball a bit more than three minutes longer than Tynelia.

"All in all a very uneventful match with some experts claiming Tynelia tossed aside their home field edge here in a move reminiscent of former Coach Marcus O’Meara. The new lineup seemed to be running in mud this time around but Coach Tudor has said he’ll use the same arrangement again with Rordia. But still, any point with someone ranked above you is a good thing. And speaking of teams ranked above us, here’s Mike McPhee with the Top Guns report.”

“Thanks Sal, nice segue too. Today for the first time we don’t have Praying2god listed among the surprises as they broke through for their first win. Ironically the only blip on the Top Guns radar comes from Fmjphoenix of all teams, yes the same team that bludgeoned Mr.Chuck Norris 8-1 their previous match could only escape with a 1-1 draw with Northern Caesarea, they must have worn themselves out with all those the last match. A few narrow 1 goal escapes by Total n Utter insanity, Hockey Canada, New Montreal States, Praying2god, the Archregimancy and Bedistan but they all got through with wins. Today’s bludgeoning comes from <static suddenly crackles in Sal’s headset drowning out the next word> Starblaydia who pummeled Virginia Nova to a 5-0 win. Of the Top Guns so far the only ones not leading their group are TNUI in third place one point back and Praying 2god in seventh seven points back. So for the most part the Top Guns are living up to their name. Back to you Sal.”

“OK Mike, it must be said that group 12 is clearly the most wide open of any group with only one of the top three seeds even in the top four spots in the standings. Whether this can continue is the question so how about it Anna? Will Tynelia continue its recovery after a slow first two matches?”

“Yes I think they will Sal, Rordia would normally be mentioned as the disappointment of the group with only one win through five matches if not for the tragic effect the terrorist attack has had on the Praying2god squad. So I have to like Tynelia’s chances to get its first home win of group play after going 0-1-1 so far. Taking advantage of home games in the second half will be a big factor in whether or not Tynelia advances or returns to the Cup of Harmony. Having said that I think Tynelia does step it up here and come away with a 2-1 win. In the McPsychoville match with the Atheistic right, the second seeds still haven’t lost yet and with a 0-2-1 record their past three matches it seems the Right is starting to come off its initial early surge. I think McPsychoville will continue its run with a close 1-0 win. Praying2god looks to make it two straight against Krajkovia, a team that also finally broke into the win column last match against Bothen. Still the signs indicate that the top seeds seem to be coming to terms with the attack and getting their game faces back on. I think the top seeds prevail 3-0. Finally Bothen is bringing up the cellar in the group so far and also carries the worst goal differential. Quakmybush is proving to be the surprise of the group so far and actually has tied McPsychoville as far as goal differential goes so I expect the Quakmybush run to continue one more match with a 2-0 win here.”

“OK Anna, let’s hope you’re as correct with today’s pick for Tynelia as you were last match. A win could move Tynelia back into the top two today but anything can and probably will happen in this group so don’t count on anything until after the match is over. Still the team is starting to play better and now will see how they face the third seeded Rordia club as their quest to qualify continues live of TSW. And of course Anna and I will be here after for the recap show. So until then this is Sal Spikeman for Anna Dalespin wishing everyone a good night.”

RK: Rachel Kool/Goldstein
GH: Guus Hiddink

RK: I'm Rachel Kool reporting for Jeruselem government news! I'm with former Jeruselem coach Guus Hiddink who is now a soccer consultant for hire
GH: Hi viewers.
RK: I was little girl when you were coaching Jeruselem to their first 2nd round appearance and when Mum was the official soccer reporter
GH: You were that funny little girl of Anna Goldstein's
RK: That's me!
GH: I see you've got your Mother's job
RK: The best job in the universe I say
GH: Why's your surname Kool then?
RK: I'm married to the current Jeruselem coach Harry Kool
GH: I see
RK: Now Jeruselem's performances. What do you think?
GH: Excellent. A combination of potent offense with solid defense and of course, tactics - the team have done well against the other two seeds in the group
RK: What about the chance of finally getting past the 2nd round? Close twice and yet so far?
GH: You have an excellent captain who runs the midfield and some talented players. And the coach, Harry Kool was a great player for me and my successor. I see he's been learning the coaching too while he was playing.
RK: OK, now to the Nedalian lions. They seem to be back to form out of that awful slump
GH: I think they've been watching Jeruselem and saying "We want to perform like that." So they get a a good coach who can get them there. World Cup 28 was good them and hopefully 29 will be better.
RK: The other Lions - Bedistan - defending champs. What are their chances?
GH: With teams like the Tigers and other great teams around including the Terminators it won't be easy. Bedistan can do it but no champ is a certainty as many have found out.
RK: What about Hockey Canada?
GH: Great chance - semifinalists and they can beat the best. Their Karelan-ness is gone, as they score so many goals but concede so little.

RK: OK, time to tell viewers the latest scores of relevance. Firstly, Jeruselem disposed of Khenas 3-1. First time we have played them but they didn't pose any sort of problem at all. Another win to Jeruselem.
GH: The team looked in training mode that game.
RK: Ariddia beat Elrich 2-0 and stay in the top 3 with ease
GH: Ariddia get better every world cup
RK: Wentland escaped with win over Sliponia 3-2. Still 3 more points!
GH: Sliponia improved but Wentland's team showed they can play under pressure.
RK: Group 6 - Ianisle and Nedalia recorded wins. Ianisle shocked The Kazoo peoples 2-0 and Nedalia put down the dangerous Kirstiriera.
GH: The Kazoo Peoples should have won but well done to Ianisle. Kirstiriera are threat to the Group 6 and this shows it.
RK: And Hockey Canada won again. A close game - against Raging Penguins 1-0.
GH: Raging Penguins, a bottom dweller but showed some fight against the 4th seed.

http://img99.imageshack.us/img99/6891/slammrw29c8wd.gif
The Official Newletter of Marceau International Soccer

Marceau Drops another one 3-1 this time to 205th ranked Horzel. The Fluer De Lys Continue a Rollercoaster style ualification as they go and beat a 73rd ranked team 6-3 but lose to a 205th ranked team 3-1.
As for the Game the Horzel squad unknown to many rolled with 2 early goals in the 22nd and 26th minutes.Putting Marceau Behind the 8ball.Marceau cae out with a bit of a chip on thier shoulder to start the second half and in the 50th minute they broke the shutout .Unfortunatly that is all they could ammount too as Horzel shutdown the Fréchette brothers and in doing so shut down Marceau's offense.
"We had a chance to get ahead but blew it ad our relience on two players to jump start an offense has to change.What really hurt us was that early start by Horzel they stormed out and took the play to us and notched two quick goals leaving us in a hole that we couldn't climb out of"--Coach Vignault


Scoring Summary
HZ-A.Anonomys(22min)
HZ-A.Anonomys(26min)
MR-J.S.Cousteau(50min)
HZ-A.Anonomys(88min)

Slam Sports Marceau Player of the Game- A.Anonomys(HZ)
SportsnetMR Man of the Match-J.S. Cousteau(MR)

Marceau's WC XXIX Schedule
MD1- @ Anathematic Republics L 5-2
MD2- Rorysville W 6-3
MD3- Sativaville L 3-1
MD4- @ Sarvoski W 3-2
MD5- @ Horzel L 3-1
MD6- Squornshelous
MD7- Dance 2 Revolution
MD8- Anathematic Republics
MD9- @ Rorysville
MD10- @ Sativaville
MD11- Sarvoski
MD12- Horzel
MD13- @ Squornshelous
MD14- @ Dance 2 Revolution

Standings after Matchday 5
Group 1 GP W T L PTS GD GF GA
Squornshelous 5 4 1 0 13 10 14 4
Dance 2 Revolution 5 4 1 0 13 8 10 2
Anathematic Republics 5 3 0 2 9 6 12 6
Horzel 5 2 1 2 7 -2 5 7
Marceau State 5 2 0 3 6 -3 13 16
Sativaville 5 1 2 2 5 -1 7 8
Rorysville 5 0 2 3 2 -10 6 16
Sarvoski 5 0 1 4 1 -8 2

Group 1 Scoreboard
Anathematic Republics 2:0 Sarvoski
Rorysville 0:2 Dance 2 Revolution
Sativaville 1:3 Squornshelous

Other Nations of Intrest
Group 3-Virginia Nova 0:5 Starblaydia
Group 5-GarfieldtheFat 1:2 Dingzanwa
Group 11-Lisburn Mateys 1:1 Andossa Se Mitrin Vega
Group 15-Sovietry 2:1 Kedalfax

"You're listening to Schia FM, and welcome to Mr Chuck Norris for another edition of World Cup Sloths! I'm Mike Jones..."

"...and I'm Filipo Schiavone, and today we have two teams who underperformed at best last matchday."

"Yes, the Sloths were held at home to a dull goalless draw with Vuam and Isma in a game which reminded us why Schiavonia don't play defensive football anymore."

"Because we don't win, Mike?"

"No, because it doesn't make for a good party atmosphere, Filipo. Still, at least as a scoreline against a respectable outfit, it isn't a complete failure. Which is more than can be said for MCN, who lost in Fmjphoenix."

"But we lost there, too!"

"Not eight-one, we didn't."

"Ah. So they're not in the greatest of form, then."

"Not really, but there is, of course, the possibility that it could act as a kick up the backside for them, and the backlash will be released solely upon Schiavonia."

"Indeed there is. Team news?"

"Well, Schiavonia revert back to 4-3-3 after switching to a bizzare 5-3-2 against Vuam and Isma. The usual line up, too, for what is an important game for both sides."

"And MCN are as expected, too?"

"After losing 8-1? Are you kidding? Moon, Smock and Cross have come in for Kavro, Brickhouse and King in an attempt to bring a bit of freshness to the team."

"Just three changes? If that was us on the receiving end of an 8-1, we'd change the entire eleven!"

"Well that's not how Mr Chuck Norris have played it. I mean, can you imagine a Mr Chuck Norris team without Chuck Morris in it?"

"A case of an individual being bigger than the team, then?"

"Couldn't have put it better better nyself, Filipo."

"Well that could be the root of their problems. I mean, they kicked off while we were discussing the teams, and Sanderson has already played Edwards in to put the Sloths one up. Maybe they should have changed the entire team!"

"Perhaps indeed."

- - - - -

Full time

"...and there is the final whistle, job done for Schiavonia, a two-nil victory thanks to Edwards and Tarmey, but we saw two teams who are far from the top of their games today."

"Still, for the Fighting Norris, that's probably what you call an improvement."

"I guess it would be, but both sides need to play better if they are to beat the likes of Vuam and Isma and Nothern Caesarea to the final qualifying place. And Schiavonia don't even look like being the best ranked team in the Cup of Harmony at the current time, so they are going to have to buck their ideas up to have any hope of achieving anything at all from theis cup."

Dear diary,

Finally, some relief around here...well it was one thing winning a team like Matterbuggy 4-0, but doing it without a majority of our key defensive players makes it especially satisfying. Peng Long did a good job in place of Chekhov, and Benny did well today. Most importantly, our strikeforce is finally getting on the scoresheet, and I'm sure today's performance will give their confidence a great boost. Well, hopefully we can get some momentum going before we hit the big guns again...we need the points...keep it going lads, today's performance was good. Hopefully we can keep the good work up when the injuries start to subside...

D

Loc1: Well, it seems the Tricolore Fury has a great rival in this evening match, that will can be seen at TVCN, everyone's TV network.

Loc2: Yes, our rival is Schiavonia, a very dangerous team, which won the last edition of the Cup of Harmony. It's full of top class players.

Loc1: How are the spirits at the National Team headquarters?

Loc2: Very high, after the good results of all our matches. Players are happy and highly motivated, but the coach, Paco Antequera, doesn't want to fall to euphoria, let's see him at this afternoon press conference.

Antequera: We are doing an excellent qualification phase, given our level. I like very much the way our boys are playing, their competitive sprit. Nothing to do with WC28 or the Euskocup.

Journalist1: Secret weapons against Schiavonia tonight?

Antequera: In football, secret weapons doesn't exist. It's only work, work, work and sometimes luck.

Journalist2: You're making changes in the team, notoriously the goalkeeper. Why?

Antequera: It's nothing particular. Cuéllar finished last match with little muscular problems and a I don't want to take any risk. Víctor has proven in the NFCL that he's also a very sure goalie.

Journalist3: Why Novo will see the match from the bench?

Antequera: I think that, against Schiavonia, we need more depth and speed. Caminero is the man we need.

Journalist 4: Do you see the Tricolores in the World Cup Final Phase?

Antequera: It's too soon to tell. The worst thing we can do is to feel euphoria when we have only played one third of the matches. We must concentrate and play each match as it were a final. That's the only way. In matchday 14 we can speak about NC in the World Cup or the Cup nof Harmony.

Loc1: Wow! Frank and clear!

Loc2: And this is the list for the match against Schavonia, tonight at Estadio Nacional

25. Víctor

2. Ferrer
21. Perea
15. Molinero
22. Ibañez

14. Caminero
13. Vizcaíno
8. Ríos
11. Maxi

23. Salmerón
20. Toledo

Called in
1. Cuéllar
5. Irujo
6. Begines
24. Novo
7. Bermúdez
9. Alcántara

Loc1: Remember you can see the match at TVCN for free, as we are everyone's television!

The Isangrad Times
Magnus Valerius Holds Onto Second Rank

Game Against Pastorville Might Make or Break Boyars

ISANGRAD, MAGNUS VALERIUS --- After the past three matchdays of getting beaten by the top-ranked teams of the group, Magnus Valerius is barely clawing onto the second position of the group. Bedistan took first rank, pushing the Valerians down, but Magnus Valerius will not die without a fight. Even a match against the Islands of Qutar phased the Boyars out of serious competition.

"Let's do our best for the Grand Empire!" remarked George Illyanich as he punted a soccerball off of his head. "We've got a match against Pastorville tomorrow, and surely, we can't be beaten unless we want to struggle and try to make the qualifying spot in the group!"

IN MD3, Magnus Valerius had a hard time scoring against the rookies of Sovietry. The game was nil ALL for 80 minutes, until Kyrill Feodorov blazed past the filthy communistic defense and made a goal at the 83rd minute, sealing a win for the Boyars.

The next two matchdays were, well, much harder on the Boyars.

As expected, Magnus Valerius held no chance versus the top seed, and top team of the world, Bedistan. The Bedistanis tore the defensive line apart. The only thing that was certain was a loss for the Valerians. However, since the game was away at Bedistan, the Boyars expected such a beating against the defending champion of the world.

The game saw only one Valerian goal, made by midfielder Mongke Urt-Urumqi at the 77th minute, a mere pittance for the six goals that Bedistan served up. Bedistan scored all six of its goals within 75 minutes of the game. The Valerian defense recovered, and helped stave off any further Bedistani goals, but that was of little use, since the Valerian offense was unable to breach the defense of the Bedistani team. The game ended in a humiliating 6 - 1, although it was expected.

"Bad karma," Mongke Urt-Urumqi grunted as the Mongolian wiped the sweat off his brow. "We did good with Kedalfax, but with Bedistan, we became Kedalfax."

On MD5, Magnus Valerius geared up for a game against the Islands of Qutar at home in the Tabriz Immortal's home stadium, the Shahanshah Bowl. The Boyars had hoped to make the game hard against the Islanders and try to prevent them a win. However, a rather stong blitz against the demoralized Valerian defensive line proved to tip the scales in the favor of the Qutarians. Magnus Valerius started off well, holding off the beasts of the Qutarian team while 'Pavlov's Dogs' made in a clean goal. George Illyanich made the first goal at the 19th minute, amidst the cheers of countless Valerian fans in the stadium. The Islands of Qutar equalized the game when they scored a point at the 33rd minute.

Things heated up in the second half. The Qutarians came back with a vengeance as they quickly score two goals in succession, at the 50th and 59th minutes. Magnus Valerius spent the rest of the game trying to equalize the score with little luck. Kyrill Feodorov made another goal at the 74th minute, but after him, no other Boyar came close to making a point. Jacques d'Anjou came the closest, but fell on his face before he could shoot the ball in. The game ended with another Valerian loss, 2 - 3.

The next game versus Pastorville is looked upon with ambition and hope for at least a draw and maybe a win to keep Magnus Valerius in its second-place seat.

MD3 FINAL SCORE

Sovietry 0 - 1 Magnus Valerius

Kyrill Feodorov (#23): 1 (83rd)


MD4 FINAL SCORE

Bedistan 6 - 1 Magnus Valerius

Bedistani Goals:
Monty Salas: 3 (11th, 32nd, 51st)
Parker Law: 1 (17th)
Leonard Hollins: 1 (42nd)
Han Sun-gyeong: 1 (68th)

Valerian Goals:
Mongke Urt-Urumqi (#30): 1 (77th)


MD5 FINAL SCORE

Magnus Valerius 2 - 3 The Islands of Qutar

Valerian Goals:
George Illyanich (#1): 1 (19th)
Kyrill Feodorov (#23): 1 (74th)

VALERIAN TOP SCORERS

G. Illyanich - 4 goals
K. Feodorov - 3 goals
J. d'Anjou - 2 goals
J. Song - 1 goal
M. Urt-Urumqi - 1 goal

The Rankings: GROUP 15


Group 15 GP W T L PTS GD GF GA
Bedistan 5 5 0 0 15 9 15 6
Magnus Valerius 5 3 0 2 9 0 11 11
Pastorville 5 2 2 1 8 2 5 3
The Islands of Qutar 5 2 2 1 8 1 7 6
Kedalfax 5 2 0 3 6 -6 6 12
Nebuleux 5 1 1 3 4 0 4 4
Sovietry 5 1 1 3 4 -2 5 7
Nikea 5 0 2 3 2 -3 4 7

Hawks Drop Important Match
From the Atherlon Times

Tom Bucket, Becquerelia. The Haraki Hawks last night lost a thriller of a game against old friends and rivals Becquerelia, dropping the Hawks from second to tied for third in the group and calling into doubt the Hawks' chances for qualification. The game also kicked off Haraki's seven-game streak of six away games and one home game against group leaders Audioslavia with a dubious start.

The game itself was a fairly spectacular contest of football superiority, with both teams managing fantastic offensive drives and at points coming very close to scoring. A Mark Zendar breakaway was judged to have been offside due to how far up Becquerelia's defence was and his best chance for a goal was squandered. The rest of the Hawks pulled off some nice chances, with Matthew Thompson heading it just over the crossbar off a Thomas Neils corner kick and Richard Weber managing a nice bending kick that bounced off a goal post. But Haraki's three strikes did not net them an actual goal, whereas Becquerelia managed one just before half off a cross from Razak Khalef, which found Gregory Conveniencia's foot and was tipped into the net behind a diving Mark Stone.

The second half unfolded like a blinidng whirlwind of Harakian offensive drive, with the Hawks maintaining posession 64% of the time but not managing any goals despite plenty of shots. The Hawks seemed to have a problem hitting the net, with only four of eleven shots in the second half being on net, and most were easily stopped by Becquerelian keeper Tyrannio Licaussi, who did not seem to be having much trouble yesterday.

The game ended after two minutes of extra time at the end, but the Hawks had fallen short and it showed. They seemed let down and cursing themselves. They have an uphill battle against teams such as Audioslavia, Becquerelia and Cuation to beat if they hope to qualify for the 29th World Cup, or they will be one of many second seeds that have fallen short in cups and failed to qualify. The Hawks are hoping to start a streak and be able to be relied on to qualify, the way their predecessors were not from World Cups 4 to 10.

The Hawks' next game happens to fall right on captain Mike Zendar's 41st birthday, so the Hawks will be hoping for a convincing win in Spaamanian Plijous to help him celebrate it.



Haraki 0 - Becquerelia 1

(40) Conveniencia

OC: planned to do this if we lost to the Hawks but couldn't get on this weekend. Hope you don't mind Elves Security Forces

Gary Jens dropped For Tanner

Despite a good performance against a strong Audioslavia side, Gary Jens lax performance in a 5-3 defeat has seen him dropped for young Jude Tanner. The replacement keeper kept a clean sheet, saved a penalty but came close to conceding twice in a 4-0 win. It remains to be seen if he can keep his place or if Gary Jens will get back in the side.

Cuation Unable To Hang On.

Cuation where outplayed but they did well, hanging onto an early lead for so long due to a strong defensive effort but in the end, Gary Jens was beaten twice and the slaves had a deserved win.

Cuation played a 5-3-2 formation and looked to contain a strong three man attack. The Slaves looked good, playing the ball around in a patient manner, willing to wait for a chance to emerge. They had one early effort, Alavarez's snap shot making Gary Jens work to make the save.

Cuation meanwhile harassed their opponents constantly but not very effectively. Whenever they had the ball, they played it long to Lu Fei and raced forward on the counter. One flick down found Giovanni, the playmakers shot flying just over the bar.

On the 21st minute, Cuation took a surprise lead, when keeper Yngve over hit his pass to Donovan. Rual Mendiz pounced, driving towards goal and using his pace to beat Donovan as he went inside. Yngve hesitated then started to charge out but Rual fired it across him and into the net. 1-0!

Cuation wouldn't get another chance like it but Giovanni did skip down the right flank early on and his low cross had to be turned behind by Petäjä. It was the only real chance as Rual slumped out of the game and Cuation came under increasing pressure.

Three times in the first half, Gary Jens had to deny Vitalis three times. The striker broke through the offside trap onto a long pass but Gary Jens closed down the angle before blocking with his legs. Ten minutes later, a cross from Ceausescu was met at the near post but the striker's downward header was smothered by the keeper.

On the stroke of half time, the offside trap was broken again and Gary Jens charged forward as the striker looked to equalise. Vitalis first choice launched the ball over the keeper but wide, his chip just a little off thanks to the presence of a suddenly inspired keeper.

At half time, the manager had words with the three centre backs, especially his captain Yan who hadn't led the line too well. This had a marked improvement as the Slaves where forced to shoot from distance, Rachmaninoff still managing to hit the post from one drive.

As the game went on, Fallen, Milnar and Giovanni came off for the more defensive Hargreves, Anderton and G.Cole. This was a mistake, without the flair in attack, Cuation where pushed even further back and tired quickly.

In the 78th minute, Cuation finally subsumed to the pressure. Another patient passing move and then Rachmaninoff played forward for Saikkonen to burst past Samba before shooting across the face of goal and into the top corner, Gary Jens dive nowhere near it.

Cuation sat back still, a point would be useful and maintain there unbeaten run but Gary Jens and the defence where forced into more and more desperate clearances.

In the 84th minute, it was all over. Gary Jens had kicked up field but it soon came back at him, Scuro's early cross finding the run of Fiori at the far post. His volley was powerful, rising above Gary Jens and into the roof of the net for a deserved winner.


Scorers

Mendiz: 2
Giovanni: 1
Lu Fei: 1

“Augh! My ears! Jay, what is that hideous noise?”

“That, my good man, is the sound of a hundred thousand kazoos being played at once. It would seem to be a sort of pre-game rally for the hometown fans.”

“Kazoo?”

“God bless you, Sam.”

“No, no. What’s a kazoo?”

“Glad you asked, Sam! A kazoo is a type of membranophone that, when hummed into, changes one’s voice to produce a timbering note. Easy to manufacture and easy to play, they are most often used by children or, apparently, before football matches.”

“Absolutely riveting, Jay.”

“Thank you. If you’re just joining us, this is Jay McYule alongside ‘Toothless’ Sam St. Pierre, coming to you live from The Kazoo Peoples, where the Ians are just getting ready to start their match. Now, Sam, you’d say that the Ians haven’t played particularly well on the road, would you?”

“Considering they’ve two losses and zero goals scored, I’d say that they suck away, Jay.”

“Indeed you’re right!”

Thirty-second minute

“Good move by Johnson there in the midfield to win the ball. He sends it forward to Cotton and here come the Ians! Now, Sam, I must say that I’m very impressed with how the Ians have been handling themselves in this game. They’ve been in possession just under half of the time, as compared to their miserable showings against the Tigers and Nedalia, and they’ve also been on the attack. In case you’re wondering, the Ians have had three shots, one on goal, already whereas the Kazoos have just managed a single shot that sailed well over the Ians’ net.”

“I can’t believe these jokers beat the Tigers, Jay. They’re just playing sloppy football out there.”

“Indeed they are, Sam -- Here’s Cotton with a shot! Saved by the Kazoo keeper, but he couldn’t hold onto it -- Copplestone taps it into the back of the net! Oh my, the Ians strike first! one-zero the good guys!”

Fifty-seventh minute

“Well, Sam, I’m thinking that the Kazoo coach must have had some select words to humm through his instrument at the players. The Kazoos have been looking much more motivated in this second half, and their superior athleticism is telling on an Ians side that is already getting fatigued.”

“I’ve noticed they suck a good deal less than they did previously, Jay.”

“Well put, Sam. There’s been a sustained attack on the Ians’ goal for ten minutes now; we just can’t seem to intercept a Kazoo pass.”

“There’s a shot, Jay, but again well over the net. The Kazoo is looking like he wants that one back -- Feckless was well out of position and the striker could see nothing but the back of the net.”

“My goodness -- Sam St. Pierre making a football play call? Is the world at an end?”

“Bite me, Jay.”

Eighty-third minute

“Well, folks, it’s starting to look like the Ians might hold onto this one for the one-zero victory. The Kazoo resurgence after the half ended up coming to nothing and the two teams have been kicking it about the midfield for a while now with no decisive action.”

“The Kazoos have to be feeling the pressure now, Jay. Their strong showing against Tadjikistan could come to nothing if they lose to a team as pathetic as the Ians.”

“I wouldn’t use a term like ‘pathetic’, Sam.”

“Miserable?”

“Well...”

“Abysmal?”

“At any rate, Cecil won the ball in the midfield and sent it up to Lyons. Here come the Ians for another attack late in the game!”

“There’s a lot of Kazoos he’s going to have to get through, Jay.”

“Lyons is holding onto the ball -- he’s beaten one Kazoo; just three left. Lyons breaks past another and he’s into the box! Two kazoos on him and no passing lanes open -- Lyons is down and the ball is cleared out to the midfield by a defender.”

“But I believe I heard a whistle through all this commotion.”

“Indeed you did, Sam! Here comes the ref -- it’ll be a free kick for Iansisle!”

“I don’t believe it! Lyons is back up instantly after the call and you can see the grin on his face from the media box! He took a dive!”

“It would appear so, Sam. Let me tell you, when people talk about the Ians being a veteran side, this is what they mean.”

“Veterans cynically manipulate the rules and the sympathies of the officials to gain a personal advantage? Not very sporting, is it?”

“Here comes the kick -- into the net! Two-zero Ians, and more or less out of reach for the Kazoos! No, Sam, it is not sporting at all. But it is effective!”

And we turn back around to see what's behind us:


http://www.geocities.com/becquerelia/images/haraki.gif Haraki - 0__________1 - Becquerelia http://www.geocities.com/becquerelia/images/becquerelia.gif


THIRD TIME IS THE CHARM
Victory Moves Becquerelia To Second In Group


ROENTGEN (JNS) - It took 12 years, but Becquerelia finally got the victory against Haraki they were looking for. Buoyed by a home crowd and strong play by all Black Cat players, Becquerelia defeated Haraki 1-0.

The only goal came near the end of the first half, as Gregory Conveniencia nudged the ball past Haraki's goalkeeper Mark Stone. It was the first shot on goal Becquerelia had all day, and it proved to be decisive.

"It was plenty tough," said a tired Conveniencia after the game. "The Hawks played a spectacular game all day, and we were just that little bit better. It definitly could have gone the other way."

Haraki had plenty of chances to do just that. Goalkeeper Tyrannio Licausi played another great game in goal, stopping six direct shots on goal. He credited his supurb play to "alot of concentration and alot of help from David Deneen. He's been helping me out a ton."

With the win, Becquerelia moves up to second place in Group 4, and is now four points behind group leaders Audioslavia. Haraki fell back to third, two points behind Becquerelia. While inital reports coming out of Haraki seemed to indicate that the team felt this did serious harm to their qualification possiblilities, the Becquerelian side seems to feel differently.

"Haraki's a great team, and they played us tough today," said Head Coach Mark Crescentini after the game. "They're still definitly in it. You have to figure that our next matchup in Haraki will be for some pretty high stakes. I can't wait."


Becquerelia's Current Results and Upcoming Schedule
Home Team Last
WIN DRAW LOSS
MD01: Spaamanian Plijous - 1 Becquerelia - 0
MD02: Becquerelia - 2 System Karela - 1
MD03: Becquerelia - 1 Intyny - 2
MD04: Becquerelia - 1 Audioslavia - 0
MD05: Haraki - 0 Becquerelia - 1
MD06: Cuation (2-1-2) at Becquerelia (3-0-2)
MD07: Becquerelia (3-0-2) at Elves Security Forces (2-0-3)
MD08: Becquerelia (3-0-2) at Spaamanian Plijous (1-2-2)
MD09: System Karela (1-1-3) at Becquerelia (3-0-2)
MD10: Intyny (1-3-1) at Becquerelia (3-0-2)
MD11: Audioslavia (4-0-1) at Becquerelia (3-0-2)
MD12: Becquerelia (3-0-2) at Haraki (2-1-2)
MD13: Becquerelia (3-0-2) at Cuation (2-1-2)
MD14: Elves Security Forces (2-0-3) at Becquerelia (3-0-2)

GRAHAM CITY SUN - Sports Section

Embattles Stars Get Much Needed Win

GRAHAM CITY - Playing in City International Stadium, the Stars got a much needed win to relieve increasing pressure from the national press against Adam's Island. "It felt good. These last couple of games and their results have been rough. I hope that we will be able to take it and transfer into our next two matches. They are key for us," said Iska Djukashenki, the 19 year old player who has been seeing quite a bit of playing time. The Stars opened the game with a good amount of pressure, thoroughly dominating the midfield, something that many saw as lacking in the last game against Commerce Heights. The Stars opened the scoring in the sixteenth minute with a blast from just inside the eighteen, with Bloudin blowing it past the keeper.

The Islanders came back with a goal just before halftime, but many fans and media were leary as it appeared the the Islander striker handled the ball to put it at his feet. The Stars continued to dominate, with several chances that the Stars were unable to put away. They finally scored in the 67th minute off of a free kick, and a beautiful kick right onto the foot of Djukashenki and into the back of the net. "I wasn't happy with out finishes, it's something we really need to work on in order to do well against Collonie and Mrkevjnia. Those six points are vital, especially with our performance in Commerce Heights," said manager Doig at the post game press conference.

FINALSCORE

MD1- The Lowland Clans v. Danskmark - W; 2-1
MD2- Good Happiness v. The Lolwand Clans - T; 0-0
MD3- The Lowland Clans v. Oliverry - L; 1-3
MD4- Commerce Heights v. The Lolwand Clans - L; 2-0
MD5- The Lowland Clans v. Adam Island - W; 2-1
MD6- Collonie v. The Lowland Clans
MD7- Mrkvejnia v. The Lowland Clans
MD8- Danskmark v. The Lowland Clans
MD9- The Lowland Clans v. Good Happiness
MD10- Oliverry v. The Lowland Clans
MD11- The Lowland Clans v. Commerce Heights
MD12- Adam Island v. The Lowland Clans
MD13- The Lowland Clans v. Collonie
MD14- The Lowland Clans v. Mrkvejnia

Here endeth the RPs counting for Matchday Six.

Quakmybush Team Scratching Their Heads

Today in World Cup 29 qualifying the Quakmybush National team suffered a 2-1 loss to 195 ranked Bothen. Quakmybush's goal scorer was Cory Sorley in the 89th minute, but it was too little too late. Cam Carroll played well in net again. The team still remains in second of their qualifying group. Tommorrow the squad will face 54th ranked Tynelia, and hope to jump ahead of them by 3 points.

Goal Scorers

Jon Fields (4)
Cory Sorley (2)
Ben Miller (1)
Andrew Plett (1)

Elven Sports Network
Current Show: Football Central

"Good evening ladies and gentlemen, this is Jason Klien and Jennifer Sar bringing you another edition of Football Central. Once again the Marauders have triumphed on their home pitch with an easy 3-0 victory over Intyny. This is St Louis third clean sheet, all of them coming on ESF soil. So Jennifer, 6 games into qualifying and the Marauder sit in the middle of the pack with a few games at home. Think they can make a run of victories and really test these hardened veterans?"

"If you asked me two weeks ago, I would of said sure, but right now I don't know. When at home, the Marauders look invincable, but on the road they look like scared children. Anything is possible Jason, but they just have to play like they did today in every game."

"I hope that they can Jenn, I would really like to see them make some waves in the international scene. I know it will be difficult, but with the talent on this team, it is completely possible. Enough speculation though, how about that game from Zacharius?"

"Absolutely fantastic Jason, the captain really showed his worth today, netting two and setting up the other, great stuff. When he is in form, he can be brilliant, and lets hope he stays in form for the rest of the tournament. Night was the recipient of his heel pass and added to her team leading goal tallies."

"When those two get going Jenn, there are not many who can stop them. Now let's take a look at the highlights."

*Screen Switches to Highlights*
22nd Minute
The game is starting to settle down and a hectic first twenty minutes. Both teams offence is looking potent and we could be in for a scorefest if the keeps aren't up to the task. Titenburg takes the pass from St Louis and dribbles slowly up the pitch. He dishes it off to a running Kries. She gets doubled team at the halfway line but there is Stone to help out her roommate. She comes down the line and crosses it into the box. Boooom!!! There's the first goal, courtesy of a Zacharius header. That should give the crowd something to cheer about.

25th minute
The crowd noise is unbelievable, with their Ole cheers still going. Cuellar takes the ball off the midfielder, and passes ahead to Tatum. The defence is trying to close in on him, but he lobs it ahead to a free Swent. He makes his way into the penalty box, completely fools his defender, leaves it for Zacharius, GOALLLL!!!!. The keeper got a hand on it, but that wasn't enough as he hit that ball perfectly to put the Marauders up a duce.

76th Minute
Well after that second goal, the Marauders decided to play keep away. They hold a 61% - 39% edge in possesion, and have only taken a few calculated risks. Intyny has had a few good chances, but St Louis has denied them every time. Night throws the ball in for Zacharius who is immiedately sourrounded by three defenders. A heel pass into some free space and the ball is picked up by Night, she shoots, and scores. Bottom left corner where the dangerous souls live. That is the nail in the coffin and the Marauders have played magnificently today.

*Screen Switches Back to Studio*

"In news that will make ESF fans groan, it seems that Kyle Collins injury was mis diagnosed, and instead of a high ankle sprain, he has a broken leg. This will push what was going to be a 6-8 week recovery to 2-4 months, effictively ending his Cup dreams."

"I feel bad for Kyle, he is such a great guy and talent, the Marauders are sure going to miss his personality in the locker room and skill on the pitch. But they will have to move on like every other team that suffers injuries.

Next game will be back in Raynor City against a very tough Becquerelia squad. The hopes of qualfying will be made clearer depending on that result, win, and the hopes stay alive, lose and might as well just prepare for the next Cup."

"Righto Jenn. This is Jason Klien signing off for all of us here at ESN. Good night everyone."

Updated Team Schedule
Win Loss Draw
Matchday 1: Audioslavia 4 V 2 Marauders
Matchday 2: Marauders 3 V 0 Spammanian Plijous
Matchday 3: Haraki 6 V 1 Marauders
Matchday 4: Marauders 2 V 0 System Karela
Matchday 5: Cuation 4 V 0 Marauders
Matchday 6: Marauders 3 V 0 Intyny
Matchday 7: Marauders V Becquerelia
Matchday 8: Marauders V Audioslavia
Matchday 9: Spaamanian Plijous V Marauders
Matchday 10: Marauders V Haraki
Matchday 11: System Karela V Marauders
Matchday 12: Marauders V Cuation
Matchday 13: Intyny V Marauders
Matchday 14: Becquerelia V Marauders

Goal Scorers
Kyla Night - 5
Zacharius - 4
Nikali Rikard - 1
Harden Swent - 1

Betttia 1
VirginiaNova 1

NOVA GATLINBURG-Virginia Nova's shot at the World Cup took a minor hit today as the eagles could only manage a 1-1 tie with Bettia. The Game toady started at 1:15 at picturesque brand-new SU Stadium in Nova Gatlinburg. The entire city must have been in this game as a capacity crowd of 21,003 showed up for the match. The first action of the game came early when Bettian player Ali Ap Tegryn was called for a questionible tripping play on Harold Freemont. Unfourtianatly his pass to Jimmy Hellios missed and Bettia got the ball back. a little while later Tegryn again was called for tripping, but this call was so off that even Eagles defender Paul Davis Jr argued with the ref. But the ref gave Davis and Tegryn yellow cards and he Kicked Tegryn out of the game with a red. With Bettia down a player, this looked like an advantige for the Eagles. And at 41:37 it looked like it was When Harold Freemont Scored with an assist from "The Assist King" Jimmy Hellios. This Put the score 1-0 at the half favoring the Eagles. But the game became tied at 48:19 when Bettian player Gwrlais Devanallt scored on a bycycle kick. After this no attempts were taken to score. and no peneltie kicks either and thus the game ended in a 1-1 tie.It should be noted that this is the first game ever to be played in SU Stadium.

Nation Watch

Kedalfax 2:5 Bedistan
Green Wombat 0:2Liverpool England
Carlitistia 1:2 GarfieldtheFat
Rorysville 0:4 Anathematic Republics
Marceau State 1:3 Squornshelous

Chicanada Daily Rabbler
Where Proper Analysis Goes To Die

Tie Keeps Position
But did you see Risa-Aramour?!?!

Eastentown - The Chicanada Kodia...er....Orange Stars continued their rather impressive run in World Cup 29 Quals with a dull 1-all result with Kaze Progressa, a result that will maintain the Kod...oi...Stars' 4 point lead on KP as the teams close in on the midway point of the run.

Striker Malacki Uroals got the game rolling with a successful goal in the 17th minute off a cross from Kase defenders trying to clear the ball. Keeper Niome Washington, in for injured Alexander Nespin, did her damnedest to keep it a full result and give the KodiaOranges more space in holding to second place and keep up with The Archregimancy (who now are two ahead for Group honors). However, she missed a block on a penalty kick (still the whatever the hell Malli calls the club currently main problem as a whole) giving Kaze the equalizer seven minutes from the end.

However, a much more interesting result occured in the Old Lands, as the Risa-Aramour national team stole a huge victory over #9 Fmjphoenix 2-1 at the National Stadium. The longhorns (it's a foreign word in Risian, hence the italics. Yes, they speak gibberish or some such) are now in a three way tie with the Fmj'ers as well as Schiavonia, who head to the Central District next, and have already shown better form than their result in WC26 Quals. The Rabbler should have more information as the Risa-Aramour Press Agency prepares the release, but most expect the three districts of the commonwealth to be going insane even as we type.

For the Orange Stars (look! we remembered our new nickname!) they continue with their three game road trip against #107 East Lithuania. Considering there's press before the game, we won't be shocked with a loss considering the lack of international press on the matches seemed to help the squad stay the course for our third ever Cup Finals appearance. Their next home game will be with Third England in the Mountainside. Hopefully Derby's recent good luck will help the squad keep excellent form.

Official Chicanada Schedule
MD01- W 3-2 Tessan (Starburst Park, Spears Crossings)
MD02- W 4-2 Third England
MD03- T 0-0 The Archregimancy (New Governess Palace, Kinsington)
MD04- W 4-2 Milchama
MD05- W 3-2 Iaukea (Sacred Heart Terrace, Bishop)
MD06- T 1-1 Kaze Progressa 2nd
MD07- @ East Lithuania
MD08- @ Tessan
MD09- v Third England (Mountainside Fairgrounds, Castille)
MD10- @ The Archregimancy
MD11- v Milchama (TroutCo Field, Cana)
MD12- @ Iaukea
MD13- v Kaze Progressa (Southampton National Square)
MD14- v East Lithuania (Cananite Pavillion, Paradiso)

Eighth minute

Mark Wingate is standing just in front of the player's bench, barking out instructions to his team as an assistant with the team taps on his shoulder incessantly. When Wingate finally looks behind him, the assistant wordlessly hands him a sheet of paper. Wingate looks down and shakes his head, cursing as he crumples the paper and tosses it to the floor.

"What's going on, boss?"

"The World Cup Committee have suspended me two matches for my tirade. The IFF's appeal has been turned down. I'm to serve the suspension starting the next matchday."

"Bloody fuck?"

GOAL! Kelse 1:0 Sarzonia

Just like that, Sarzonia were down 1:0 to the 97th ranked team in the world and their coach was so livid over the news that he was to serve a two match suspension starting with Matchday 7's fixture away to Tecpatl that he stormed off toward the locker room, leaving Brian Wilson in charge of the team whilst Wingate slammed water coolers and tables throughout the locker room. That would draw him sanction from the Incorporated Football Federation and from Kelse's footballing governance, but at the moment, Wilson was left to figure out how to stop the bleeding.

14th minute

Brad Clausen puts on a splendid run through the teeth of the Kelse defence, drawing three Mariners defenders to him before slotting the ball to Larry Cornwall. Cornwall's bid was parried aside by Mariners goalkeeper Daniel Petro, but fellow striker Steve Jacobson was right there to bang home the rebound.

GOAL!

Now with the score 1:1, Sarzonia pressed the attack in an effort to bury the equally young Mariners, but Petro was golden throughout the rest of the first half. As the teams trudged toward their respective locker rooms with the score level at 1:1, Petro had made five saves to Stars goalkeeper Roger Talbot's three. However, the second half would prove to be all Sarzonia.

49th minute
The Stars dominated the second half from the opening kickoff and cashed in on their control of play just minutes after the start of second half play. Substitute midfielder Allan Knutsen cherrypicked Sarzonia's first goal of the second half with a clinical finish after Petro's diving stop of a Jacobson bid. The team celebrated very briefly after Knutsen's goal, but then quickly lined up with an eye toward forcing a turnover.

GOAL! Kelse 1:2 Sarzonia

64th minute
Sarzonia's second substitute, defender Jesse Leahy forced a turnover deep in the Kelse end and sent a surprise cross into the area, where Gene Campo skied for a header and slotted it just over Petro's outstretched hand.
The goal seemed to demoralise Kelse, who had used their three substitutes in an effort to hold down the Stars. Meanwhile, Sarzonia could make one final substitute but elected not to.

GOAL! Kelse 1:3 Sarzonia

83rd minute
Tempers got short at this moment of the match as Leahy got into a shoving match with centre forward Yannick Lacoste. Both players drew red cards, with Sarzonian defender Harold Donovan and Kelse forward Noah Landreau drawing yellow cards. Kelse coach Janelle Croft and Wilson could be seen shouting at each other, with Sarzonia's goalkeeper coach Horace Sandt describing Wilson's choice of French words as "the kind you don't want your small children to hear."

FULL TIME

Kelse 1:3 Sarzonia
(Landreau 8); (Jacobson 14; Knutsen 49; Campo 64)

With Rejistania playing Sarzonia's next opponent Tecpatl to a 0:0 away draw, the Stars claim sole possession of first place in Group 7, a full six points clear of surprising Kelse for a berth in the World Cup finals. For Sarzonia to continue to prosper, they will have to find a way to win without Wingate for the next two matches, but the team won convincingly without their neophyte head coach. The supporters who cheered wildly at places like The Brig in downtown Portland hope they can do the same in their next two matches without Wingate.

"Bazalona back on the up and up..." by Nev Gould

A 3-nil win against the Qazoxian Oxen in the most recent matchday saw the fortunes of the Bazalopes return to pre-World Cup expectations as the Bazalopes managed to head off the Oxen herd.

Peter Hobble scored a magnificent goal in the 25th minute, which seemed to go through so many legs they mose well had been playing tunnel ball , into the back of the net, and Michael Irchov and James Kantwell both scored a goal in the 60th and 92nd minute respectively. James' goal was the result of a well drawn foul by James in the Penalty area. The Qazoxian management disputed the call but the Penalty went ahead any way.. the goal was put out of reach in the top left corner of the goalface.

The Bazalopes confidence now seems to be sky high and the earlier embarrasments of Benlangngdo and others have been forgotten. Just one more match and the first leg of the World Cup Qualifiers will be complete. Neil Kabant's position of Head Bazalonian coach is looking more secure as the match goes by.

http://i40.photobucket.com/albums/e228/Sonya0111/SylMedCen.png
Unicorns In Downward Spiral

Queen Sonya Sabre was at a complete loss for words. The Mystical Unicorns could not seem to win at their own home stadium. Three matches there thus far and those had all been losses. Ok. The one to Sarzonia was acceptable but the other two had been to Kelse and now Kericia. What was it with these damn “K” nations anyway.

Kericia had come in sporting the #47 ranking and struggling just a bit. That should have made them prime targets for a loss to the Unicorns. But someone forgot to tell the Unicorns just how important this match was for any hope they might have at qualification.

The match started great for the home side as Maurita Deni found Avril Auerswald for the Unicorns only goal in the fifth minute. That would not be the difference as Kericia managed to score twice while their defense held the rest of the way. The Unicorns had lost at home 1-2.

Next up is an away match at Snub nose 38point1 that will end the first half of the qualifiers. The Unicorns desperately need the win to pull back within range of Kelse and Kericia before the second half begins. At least the match is away where we have a winning record thus far.

In other Group 7 news, Sarzonia downed Kelse 3-1. Rejistania struggled to a 0-0 draw with Tecpatl. Snub nose 38point1 beat Aigosthena 2-1.

Praying2God Watch. The Warriors did not manage to achieve a win streak although they didn’t get beat. A 0-0 draw with Krajkovia was the story for today.

And for Milchama’s consideration - We are making waves at becoming the new Hypocria.

QSPN FOOTBALL WEEKLY

POST MATCH ANALYSIS

Rottenburger: The black oxen lose their 3rd striaght match today, tying the longest losing strek ever which was accomplished at the last CoH. After 3 matches, Qazox was in 1st place with a record of 3-0-0, but after three straight blow-out losses to the top 3 teams, qualifacation seems to be denied. with a record of 3-0-3 now, the Black Oxen will travel to Bostopia seeking to end their suffering.


(ooc: top Bazalonia: you got me back for beating you in the last DI now.....lol)
Goals:
Bazalonia Hobble- 25', Irchov- 60', Kantwell 92'+ (PK)
Cards:
Yellow: Qazox: Loki 92'+

GREEN WOMBAT FREE PRESS

Liverpool England came to Green Wombat and for 75 minutes, the Wombats were in it, but then the wheels fell off and LE escaped with a 2-0 win. Goals were scored by: Luis Sunderland in the 77th minute and Adam Tsai in the 85th. Somehow though, GW is still only 3 points out of contention after 6 games and still have a shot at the Cup. Other Group 8 score today were: Qazox lost their 3rd striaght 3-0 to Bazalonia, Cataduanes tied Tinsuvilia 1-1 and Banlandngdo beat Bostopia 2-1. as of now the standings are as follows:


TEAM W-D-L PTS GF GA GD
Liverpool England 5-1-0 16 16 3 +11
Catadaunes 3-2-1 11 14 6 +8
Qazox 3-0-3 9 10 14 -4
Bazalonia 2-2-2 8 7 6 +4
Tinsuvilia 2-2-2 8 9 10 -1
Green Wombat 2-2-2 8 11 13 -4
Benlandngdo 2-0-4 6 6 13 -7
Bostopia 1-1-4 4 9 18 -9

http://i14.photobucket.com/albums/a318/stormgiantxxxl/ASMVFNN.jpg
Sea Dragons Roll Past Geisenfried

This is Kellan Kildan reporting live from Geisenfried

The Sea Dragons were on the road today looking to solidify their grasp on the second spot in Group 11. That was the easy part. The hard part would be doing that without porche Alexander in the line-up.

With Ali Devincenti in the starting 11, things got off to a much faster start for the normally lethargic Sea Dragons. Evan Evans, Jenni Ulrich, and Arobi Khazir-Zarazoroba controlled the middle of the field with the help of Allyson Shade and Anika Milosavic who moved up to lend support. That made an easy day for the defenders who took turns punishing Geisenfried attackers who made it through to them.

Pablo Iglesiais broke out of his scoring slump in the 35th minute as he easily scored against a minimal defensive effort. In the 71st minute he added his second of the match and the season. At least one of the superstar forward duo seems to be back in form. And the match would end with ASMV taking a 2-0 win home with them.

Next up is a trip to The Footie Dream Team, where our defense should gather in another three points for the standings.

Group 11 Roundup:
Lisburn Mateys and yafor 2 battled to a 0-0 draw.
The Footie Drean Team had a nightare 0-3 loss to NMS
Ashterrus downed Ulyanovia 3-2

Friends Watch:
Cuation dropped Bequerelia 2-0
Tadjikistan Crushed Ozellia 4-2
Dorian and Sonya continues to struggle after a 1-2 loss to Kericia
Milchama is also struggling after a 1-1 draw with East Lithuania
Ariddia dominated Khenas 2-0

Alexandria Times-Tribune-Post-Gazette-Chronicle-Journal-Enquirer

Sports Section

A good win and a bad draw

The Milchama Warriors have had one good win against Kaze Progressa 2-0 but immediately after the win they have relapsed into badness with a dissapointing draw to East Lithuania 1-1. Coach Jamie Smith said, "We need to be more consistent if we want to qualify. We are almost halfway through the campaign and we have as many losses as wins and are barely in 4th place. We're supposed to be dominating the group yet whenever we get a win it seems lucky. This is a bad thing, a very bad thing. We need to improve or else we won't qualify and we really do not want to take that backwards step." And now the almost daily rendition of how Milchama scored. First in the KP match and then in the East Lithuania match.

Final Score:
Milchama 2 (Nielson 21, Floren 87)
Kaze Progressa 0

Final Score:
Milchama 1 (Albentine 56)
East Lithuania 1 (Name 35)

THE DEFEAT OF TESSAN
or
THE NARROWLY-AVERTED TRAGEDY OF FR. DAVID

Surviving Excerpts from a play in 2 acts
By Fr. Basilicus of the Shaken Spear

[Act 1 scene 1 - The King of Tessan's encampment]

Duke Conway -
My liege, your knights this day do face a foe
Whose name resounds on football fields.
And I myself doth fear their hearts shall falter 'fore the task.

The King -
Be calm, Your Grace, and fear not death
Whose calm embrace shall claim us all.
Which knight shall state he is not ready for the battle
In which our men must perforce engage?
Doth Sir James withdraw from the task at hand?
Shall your son, Prince Daniel, flee the field?
Shall the Crown Prince - whose mighty hands hath
Stopped many an enemy goal - shake and quail with terror?
Nay, nay Your Grace. We hath eleven men of courage true
And they shall give the monks a mighty battle before this day shall end
And I myself shall offer reward to any player who scores.

[Act 1 - Scene 2 - the Monastery of Pantocrator]

Metropolitan Kyrill of Solovetsky-
What news doth come of the heretic crusading knights?

Fr. David the Water-Drinker-
Alas, my coach, I have grave news, which I am most reluctant to report.

Kyrill-
Come, now, my captain, and report, and commit not
The grievous sin of presumption.
How knowest you that I shall take your news amiss?
Search your heart in Christ's name and share your misgivings.

David-
For many a day hath we assumed
That this crusaders would crumble before us.
Yet their preparations are advanced, and they believe -
Though many of my fellow footballers credit it not -
That they shall still prevail this day.

Kyrill-
They are fools, my brother, for are we not ranked 16th in the world?
This Pierson-led Tessan, where rankest they? With the very rankest!
They are not simply rank, they also reek;
Reek with the stench of heresy, with the thousand sins of their kith and kin.
The Lord shall not deliver us to defeat before our time
And victory shall be ours upon the field of play!

[exits]

David-
Alas I fear my bishop doth also commit a sin.
His is not my sin of presumption, but the great dread sin of pride.
I would care not if we were the first among teams
And Tessan the very lowest
Still I would not underestimate the opposition
And I will fear that we shall pay before this day doth close.

[exits]

[Act 1 - scene 4 - the field of play]

Fr. Constantine the Learned-
How easily we doth sieze the lead.
These schismatic fools have not yet played but 3.5 minutes
And already Fr. Silouan doth volley the ball home
Past the hapless king's son!
This shall be a rout of this contemptible rabble!

David-
Say not these things, my brother!
Canst you not see the fire that burns within yon Kenmore's eyes?
Canst you not see the skill with which brave Dallas doth pass the ball?
Verily we hath taken the lead, but the Lord shall punish us for our pride
If we doth asssume that victory is ours!

[exit - enter Prince Jeffrey and Sir James Kenmore, their hearts beating fast, sweat pouring from their brow]

Prince Jeffrey-
My lord, we are lost!

Sir James Kenmore-
Say not these things, my prince!
Canst you not see the arrogance that breeds within Fr. Constantine's hear?
Canst you not see the slowness of Fr. Michael the Lesser on the right?
Verily they have taken the lead, but the King shall not reward us
If we doth assume that victory cannot be ours!

[Act 2 - scene 1 - the field of play]

David-
Now is the winter of our content made hideous summer by this
Younger son of Pierson
Who hath scored two early in this half.
To play, or not to play, that is the question!
Whether it is better to suffer the slings and arrows
Of the opposing forwards' outrageous fortune
Or to take arms against a sea of heretical footballers
And by opposing, beat them.
There are more things in heaven and earth, Coach Kyrill
Than are dreamt of in your footballing philosophy!
Our team has been but a walking shadow;
Poor players that strut and fret their hour and a half upon the stage
And then are heard no more: it is a game played by XI idiots,
Full of sound and fury, signifying nothing.
Unless our play doth improve,
I pray you bear me henceforth from the noise and rumour of the field,
Where I may think the remnant of my thoughts in peace,
And part of this body and my soul with contemplation and devout desires.

But no, I shall not give up this day!
I could be well moved, if I were weak;
If I could pray to move, prayers would move me:
But I am constant as the northern star,
Of whose true-fix'd and resting quality
There is no fellow in the firmament.
The skies are painted with unnumber'd sparks,
They are all fire, and every one doth shine;
But there's but one in all doth hold his place:
So on this team; 'tis furnish'd well with monks,
And monks are flesh and blood, and apprehensive;
Yet in our squad I do know but one
That unassailable holds on his rank,
Unshaked of motion: and that I am he,
Let me a little show it, even in this,--
That I was constant we should not be defeated,
And constant do remain to keep this so.

[Act 2 - scene 5 - the sidelines, just before the final whistle]

Duke Anton-
My Lord, the Crown Prince's play hath led to our downfall
And all our plans are rent asunder.
Twice hath the monks' captain shot from afar late this half
Twice hath the Prince let the ball squirm under his body
Thus undoing all of his brother's good work!

The King-
Your Grace, I have set my life upon a cast,
And I will stand the hazard of the die:
I think there be six Fr. Davids in the field:
Five have we tackled to-day instead of him.--
A horse! a horse! my kingdom for a horse!
I shall not watch the final whistle blow.

[both exit, enter Coach Kyrill, humbly]

Coach Kyrill-
Praise the Lord, for we hath won.
But I confess my foolish sin of pride did complicate the task at hand.
Fr. David did wring victory from Tessan's grasp
And I shall here do penance for my sins.

Fr. David was the noblest player of them all:
All the players, save only he,
Did that they did in arrogant presumption of Tessan's inferiority;
He only, in a general-honest thought
And common good to all, made one of them.
His life is gentle; and the elements
So mix'd in him that the Lord our God might stand up
And say to all the world, "This is a monk!"

SPAAM SPORTS WEEKLY
NationStates' Most Notorious Sports Publication

Waffles Continue Hot Streak

Though it was a bottom of the table clash, the Waffles were going into the
game cautiously, with the players not used to the freezing temperatures in
the Penguins' homeland. The Penguins showed their defensive prowess early,
with Fnab-Fnab and DMYS producing some great tackles and steals on
Spaam's forward pack. The result was no real shots on goal for the first half
hour of the match, and some very entertaining football. Absolut Lunatic
produced the first good shot of the match in the 35th minute, with Feoca
Arthur having to dive to save the goal. By this time though, the Waffles had
warmed up, and started to dominate the match.

A run by Tehta Trevelyan was cut short with a vicious tackle by Normal
Penguin in the 40th minute, earning the defender a yellow card from Capitalizt
referee Eugène Desnoyer. Obese Penguin got a second yellow for the team
just before the break, and gave captain Credan Trethewey a shot on goal,
which was just saved by Willie Dee and his Extremely Dangerous Hair. The
whistle was blown, and the game was still scoreless at half time.

In the second half, Trevelyan didn't return to the field, with reports of an
aggravated injury from the last match, and was replaced by 17 year old Eseld
Retallack, who scored in the last match against Anastasiania. Two more
yellow cards were given, to Irritated Penguin and Fnab-Fnab, and the Waffles
had some more shots on goal, but nothing could get through Willie Dee and
his Extremely Dangerous Hair. It wasn't until the 74th minute, when Normal
Penguin tripped Jenifer Uren in the penalty square, that Normal Penguin
earned a red card, and Uren a penalty shot, which was converted.

The Penguins grew more desperate at ten men and a goal down, and when
Crewenna Roskelly scored in the 83rd minute of a Germoe Mayne corner,
Obese Penguin was given a red card for dissent. With nine men and two
goals down, the Penguins finally retreated into full defense, to try and save
some credibility, and the game ended in the 93rd minute with a Spaamanian
win. The win is Spaam's fourth in a row, and their fourth clean sheet as well.

() Raging Penguins 0:2 Spaam (7 Uren 74; 4 Roskelly 83)


Group 9 Roundup

Anastasiania 1:1 Giant Zucchini
United Island Empires 3:1 Hockey Canadia
Matterbuggy 3:2 The NSSR

Good news for Spaam as Anastasiania and Giant Zucchini tied in a one all
draw, extending the Waffles lead on their main rivals. However, the best
news came from the UIE, where they dominated Hockey Canadia three goals
to one. With an unbeaten record until now, this is good news for Spaam for
when they face the Canucks in three games time. And finally, Matterbuggy
gained their second ever win in a close match against the NSSR, finally
emerging winners 3-2.

The Waffles and the Canucks are now equal first on points and goal
difference, Hockey Canadia only having scored two more goals. Spaam's lead
over third extended by one, where UIE has taken the position from the
Zucchinis, one point behind on 10 points. The NSSR is a win behind in fifth,
barely in touch with qualifying position, while Matterbuggy is one point
behind, but has had an average of 3 goals scored against them per game.
Anastasiania has a three point lead on wooden spoon contenders Raging
Penguins, who are still last on one solitary point.

Group 9 GP W D L PTS GD GF GA
Hockey Canada 6 5 0 1 15 11 16 5
Spaam 6 5 0 1 15 11 14 3
United Island Empires 6 3 2 1 11 3 11 8
Giant Zucchini 6 3 1 2 10 0 7 7
The NSSR 6 2 1 3 7 0 7 7
Matterbuggy 6 2 0 4 6 -10 8 18
Anastasiania 6 1 1 4 4 -6 7 13
Raging Penguins 6 0 1 5 1 -9 3 12

Next week, Spaam will be heading to the UIE to see if they can do what
Hockey Canadia couldn't. The Penguins are hosting the Zucchinis, in a must
win game for both teams, though Giant Zucchini are massive favourites. The
NSSR are hosting the Canucks, who are looking to bounce back after their
shock loss, while Matterbuggy will be hosting Anastasiania in what should be
a close match.


Goal Scorers

5 (01) Tehta Trevelyan
4 (04) Crewenna Roskelly
2 (10) Budeaux Pomre
2 (07) Jenifer Uren
1 (20) Eseld Retallack


History

Spaam 2:1 The NSSR
Hockey Canadia 2:1 Spaam
Spaam 4:0 Matterbuggy
Spaam 2:0 Giant Zucchini
Anastasiania 0:3 Spaam
Raging Penguins 0:2 Spaam
United Island Empires vs Spaam
The NSSR vs Spaam
Spaam vs Hockey Canadia
Matterbuggy vs Spaam
Giant Zucchini vs Spaam
Spaam vs Anastasiania
Spaam vs Raging Penguins
Spaam vs United Island Empires

smashing an three game lossing streek. Benlandngdo won off of two goals from Number 14. The first goal came on a break after 22 minutes, the goal keper came out of the goal and Number 14 dribbled right around him and tapped the ball in. Seven minutes later, on a Bostopia corner kick, we left youngster striker Jamie Trent open, the ball curved towards him, and he booted it into the back of the net. At 44 minutes inside their penalty box, Number 8 was knocked over by Gary Young, no booking, but a penalty kick, which Number 14 nailed through the right corner of the goal. Benlandngdo locked down on defense in the second half.

The Troglodytia Tribune



The Team gets served by Waffles




We don't blame the referee. No matter how many times ABSOLUT LUNATIC screams and raves(while foaming at the mouth) at press conferences about the biased referee, we're still convinced that every time The Team recieved a card it was well deserved, alothough a bullet to the head may have been more in the vein of poetical justice, as that is what the referee's pet dog recieved from a vindictive Devious Penguin.
The dog probably felt nothing, as 44 millimeter shells at close range usually wipe out small terriers quite quickly. We pity the dog because its owner was dumb enough to bring it here of all places. The dog had reportedly cost the man a large sum of money and he hadn't expected to have his 'investment cut short so soon'.

We just hope that the penguins which stole the dogs corpse don't ask for ransom money on top of it.

During the actual game, Fnab Fnab showed his more violent side(in the last game against Spaam, a Spaamanian player had kneed him in the groin, and the kick to crotch he'd recieved last game had caused some old memories to resurface), and pressed the faces of two Spaamanian Forwards into the frozen turf. He later got kneed in the groin, which effectively put him out of action, due to 'an injured pride'. DMYS, slide-tackled several players, something that is uncommon, but has to be expected, since the Spaamanians seemed to anticipate the mold's usual enveloping tactics, and employed the use of their legs to leap over DMYS's outstretched tendrils. It then slid underneath them, and tripped them up by sticking their shoe-laces together with slime.

Mrs. Tweezly saw little action this match, as the experienced players gave her and her yardstick a wide berth. Furious Porridge managed to coax LUNATIC into trying his hand(and legs, feet, toes, head, and tongue; look, just don't ask for the details, you don't really want to know) at scoring, which turned out fairly well, since the shot was doomed from the first flailing kick. But since The Team is sure to fail at winning this entire qualifying round, more attempts by LUNATIC are recomended, since we deffinately don't want them to score anymore. They've run though the last three games without scoring once, and that looks promising. Very promising.

Giant Zuchini will probably be unprepared for the battle that awaits them, but in the World of Soccer, points aren't counted by how many people you bring to their knees, begging for mercy, and that's pretty much all the skill The Team. Normal Penguin once again was strangely typical for his species, which once agian raises the question: why is he on The Team?

Northern Caesarea 0 Schiavonia 3

25. Víctor *

2. Ferrer *****
21. Perea ****
15. Molinero ****
22. Ibañez **

14. Caminero * 24. Novo (m. 69)
13. Vizcaíno 0 6. Begines (m. 54)
8. Ríos ****
11. Maxi ****

23. Salmerón ***
20. Toledo * 9. Alcántara (m.87)
---------------------------------------------------------------------------
1. Holmes *

19. Williams ****
11. Park ***
12. Marsden *
18. O'Faherty **

21. Sanderson *
25. McGee ****
23. Berry ****

33. Di Mascherenasi ***
36. Tarmey **
31. Edwards ****

The crack
Ferrer
Dangerous in his apportation to attack game, a brickwall for the Schiavone forwards, a pity that he was almost the only tricolore player inspired tonight.

The dandy
Maxi
His speed and technique caused problems to Schiavonia defense, but he was unlucky in his goal shots.

The tough guy
Edwards
Always provocking our defenders, he tackled violently Molinero and spit at Perea face, but the referee didn't care.

Not his day
Vizcaíno
A clue man in our preceding matches, the defensive midfieldier was totally absent tonight. He has been overwhelmed by McGee and Berry, who had a red carpet to our goal.

Azaña-After the euphoria provocked by our first results in our WC29 qualification round, the Tricolore fury had a reality bite last night, against the powerful Schiavonia team. With a tottally uninspired Vizcaíno and a too nervous Victor in his WC debut, Schiavone midfielders and strikers had plenty of opportunities to score and, as it is natural for a team with its level, they managed to do it.
The 1st period had chances and good game for both teams. But, in m. 44, Edwards faked a tackle by Molinero and provocked a penalty kick, he scored himself.
That goal had a great psycological impact in Northern Caesarea players.
On the 2nd period, Schiavonia took the control of the match, with McGee and Berry as masters and commanders. In m.55, Berry made a wonderful pass to Edwards, who scored te second.
And, five minutes before the end, Di Mascherenasi gave the final strike to Northern Caesarea hopes with the 0-3.

Paladins "well-oiled machine" keeps rolling

Labranche rebounds from shaky start with hat trick

THE FOOTIE DREAM TEAM - This improbably named nation actually managed to live up to its billing last night. Too bad it wasn't the home team but the guests that provided a stellar match.

In a near-flawless performance, the Paladins out-defended, out-passed and out-shot the Footie Dream Team on their way to a 3-0 win. Hubert Labranche seized control of the match early on after heading in an off-the-crossbar shot by his younger brother Fabrice in the 10th minute, and he never let up after that.

"I just went out and gave it my best shot," said Labranche. "I hadn't been at my finest for the past couple matches, and it's nice to be back on top of things again."

"Labranche is a key part of our offense, and it's good to see that's he back to full strength again," said coach William Branstone. "With him back in action we're a much better side."

Labranche's second goal came right after the start of the second half, taking a kick after a save by keeper Paul Chasson and dribbling through the Dream Team defense like they were training dummies.

With the score 2-0. Branstone opted for a more defensive formation, a 4-6-0 "lead preserver," but even then Labranche, moced back from the front to the midfield, wasn't to be denied with a brilliant counterattack by himself, Gilles Villeneuve and Hugh Faulkner which ended with Labranche tipping one into the net past an out-of-position keeper to complete the hat trick.

PALADINS 3 - H. Labranche 10, 47, 77
THE FOOTIE DREAM TEAM 0

TOURNAMENT SCORING

H. Labranche 4
Villeneuve 3
Faulkner 2
Hunyadi 1
Pilon 1
Toussaint 1

[Act 2 - scene 1 - the field of play]

David-
Now is the winter of our content made hideous summer by this
Younger son of Pierson
Who hath scored two early in this half.
To play, or not to play, that is the question!
Whether it is better to suffer the slings and arrows
Of the opposing forwards' outrageous fortune
Or to take arms against a sea of heretical footballers
And by opposing, beat them.
There are more things in heaven and earth, Coach Kyrill
Than are dreamt of in your footballing philosophy!
Our team has been but a walking shadow;
Poor players that strut and fret their hour and a half upon the stage
And then are heard no more: it is a game played by XI idiots,
Full of sound and fury, signifying nothing.


OOC: This has to be one of the best sports RPs ever! Brilliant.


IC:
Ariddian defence still unbreakable

For the fifth time in six matches, the Rouge-et-Noirs conceded not a single goal, slowly gaining a reputation among fans and opponents for having an impenetrable defence. The change has stunned supporters, more accustomed to seeing their team conceding and trying to make up for it by scoring more than their opponents. Some have put it down to the strategies of the new coach, but Melenciuc has stated quite clearly that he is following in Adam Seul’s footsteps, and Ariddia’s formation has remained the same with three attackers and only three defenders.

Defenders Tim Wald, James Fields and Thérèse Chantier, who had received little attention until today, are now being praised by the media, and goalkeeper-captain Sandrine Leduc has become every Ariddian’s hero.

“They’ve found the perfect balance at last!” an excited supporter said.

The match, which took Ariddia to Khenas, went as smoothly as the previous ones. Whenever the Rouge-et-Noirs attackers or midfielders lost the ball, their defence quickly returned it to them, and they were able to press forth with a new wave of attack. Ramirez opened the score in the thirty-first minute, and Sanjeeb made it a clean 2-0 in the fifty-eighth. The players waved to their cheering fans at the close of the match, and sportingly applauded the Khenas home crowd as well.

Ariddia has now consolidated its lead in second place with fifteen points, one point behind Jeruselem, who dispatched Mahaliastan 2-0 today as well. Wentland slipped up slightly, conceding a narrow 2-3 defeat to an Elrich side in top form. Elsewhere, Rejistania were held to a highly Karelan 0-0 draw by Tepatl, Andossa Se Mitrin Vega defeated Geisenfried 2-0, and Bedistan scored five goals against Kedalfax, conceding two in an exciting match. Almost half-way through qualifying, Ariddia’s chances are looking good, and the team’s supporters are more eager than ever.

<footage begins live from the presidential Coliseum where Dana Lee is interviewing Coach Greg Tudor>

“ Hello Coach Tudor, how do you feel about getting by the top three seeds in the group without a loss?”

“Hello Miss Lee, I have to say I’m glad and annoyed at the same time. You see we had a smashing good chance to beat the number two or three seed or both even but we had to settle for a draw because we couldn’t get anything past their keeper. Things will be a mite tougher when we meet them again on the road.”

“Why do you think the offense seems to stumble like this? Last Cup there was a four match scoreless streak and now this is two in a row as the team enters the same part of the draw where they stumbled badly last time.”

“Its tough to say, the other teams have played rather good defense themselves of late and while my tinkering with the lineup helped for one match it seems to have fizzled some these last two tries.”

“So will there be any changes before the next match with Quakmybush?”

“Yes there will be a couple Miss Lee. Vladimar Malloy will be in net for that match. Amy just threw her third straight shutout against the best teams in the group so she deserves a breather. In fact I think Vladimar will stay in net when we go visit the Atheistic Right as well. He’s had a bit better results against them than Amy has. As for the offense. Troy seemed a bit winded near the end of today’s match so I think its best to sit him for a game or two and let Andy go back to the forward’s spot. I think Randy Willis will get the nod at midfielder, time to see if some young legs will make a difference on the attack. Finally John Stossels will get the day off tomorrow and Bonnie Davis will take his place. I think fatigue was a major problem at this point last year so by giving the veterans some rest here in the middle should pay off as we go down the stretch.”

“OK thanks Coach, now its time to head to the studio where Sal Spikeman and Anna dalespin are waiting for our postgame show. Thanks for your time Coach Tudor and good luck.”

“Anytime Miss Lee and thank you.”

<studio coverage begins>

“Thanks Dana, this is Tynelian Soccer Weekly’s post game show where Tynelia earned a point with a 0-0 draw against third seed Rordia. This result was good enough to pull them even with Quakmybush with nine points after their 2-1 loss to Bothen. McPsychoville helped out the Tynelian cause by beating the Atheistic Right 1-0 and Praying2god could only manage a scoreless draw with Krajkovia. This creates quite a mess for the second spot as all seven teams are within four points of each other meaning any win by anyone can shake the standings up dramatically. But for now Anna, how dio you feel about today’s performance?”

“Frustrating Sal, I think Amy Whiteworth should consider suing for nonsupport after she needed a second straight shutout to salvage anything from the uninspired offense so far. Four goals in six matches isn’t going to cut it if Tynelia has any hope of moving on in the group. Still they more than held their own against the teams ahead of them and now must try to do something they never seem to be able to pull off. That is beat the teams ranked below them. These next four matches, two on the road then two at home are matches Tynelia can not afford to leave points behind as they face the 8th,5th,6th and 7th ranked teams in a row. A minimum of nine points is what they need to take here if they want to think about any chance of advancing.”

“That’s right Anna, in fact this Cup is resembling last Cup, Tynelia tied in points for second with a surprising unranked team coming off some good efforts against the top seeds. Last Cup they promptly tanked and didn’t score a goal for four straight matches, though the mitigating circumstances of Coach Tudor’s attack could partially explain it. But by the time they found their scoring touch they had gone 0-1-2 against the bottom three teams in the group knocking off any chance they had to move on despite going 2-1-0 in the last three matches against the top three seeds to finish strong.”

“This time they can have a direct immediate impact on their positioning by beating Quakmybush who seems to get extra motivated for the highest seeds in the group. As it stands with the upcoming matches all the teams ranked ahead of us are playing lower seeds with the Atheistic Right vs. Rordia match the one most likely to cause an upset but still very winnable matches for the higher seeds so Tynelia needs to win to stay ahead. Ideally Tynelia should start rooting for McPsychoville. With a five point lead they are in a good position and aren’t threatening Tynelia’s chances for second. So every win they can produce will knock back one of the teams chasing us. Of course Tynelia does have to win and that means more scoring.”

“Do you think these roster changes will help any Anna?”

“They should, fatigue has always been a factor for this team because in the desperate hunt for points past teams didn’t play the reserves much. But already troy Wallace has been given two starts and now some of the other reserves are getting into the action, all of whom are younger than the person they are replacing. While a hit inb experience is expected, they should also be better able to keep going at top performance for longer. And again, this is the supposed soft part of the schedule so if Tudor can’t give the regulars a day off here he never will because you need your best players for the top seeds.”

“OK Anna, now let’s head over to Mike McPhee and see how the Top Guns fared this matchday.”

“Thanks Sal. Today FmjPhoenix is most certainly regretting their offensive explosion against Mr. Chuck Norris as their shot-weary feet were defeated by an old Tynelian rival Risa-Aramour 2-1. Hockey Canada was also stunned with a 3-1 loss to the United Island Empires a real shock considering their hot start to the Cup. Like Praying2god, Rejistania was held to a scoreless draw against Tecpatl which dropped them to second in the group behind Sarzonia. The rest of the Top Guns won as expected with the drubbing of the day coming from a three way tie. Audioslavia won 4-1 over System Karela with this three goal margin of victory matches by New Montreal States (3-0 over The Footie Dream Team) and Bedistan (5-2 over Kedalfax). Interestingly this is the first time we’ve heard Bedistan’s name on this list, an odd result for the top team in the world. Or bad news for other teams if this means they’re coming into the WC form now. But that’s the news from the Top Guns for now Sal back to you.”

“Thanks Mike, seems there’s always someone getting upset in this Cup, a warning that no one should be taken lightly I think. Speaking of which Anna, what do you say about local experts who think that Tynleia will win easily against Quakmybush in this next match?”

“I think they’re kidding themselves Sal, look at the numbers, Tynelia can’t score, and if you can’t score you’re not going to win many games no matter how good your keeper is. The unranked coming into this Cup Quakmybush has double the number of goals that we have even if they have allowed more than us. No until Tynelia shows they can put the ball in the net expecting any sort of win let alone an easy one is just wishful thinking.”

“So you think we’re going to lose then?”

“Its certainly possible Sal but I think in the end we’re going to have to settle for yet another 0-0 draw. I believe our defense can hold off their attack and until we find one ourselves we’re not going to be scoring much. A win would be very big for us as not only would it put us alone in second three points ahead of Quakmybush going into the second half but it would also mean a swing in goal differential which we’re tied at but lose the scoring tiebreaker which is why we’re in third. Basically Tynelia will not win any goals scored tiebreak so they have to get all the goal differential edge then can get if they want to move on.”

“OK then, how about the other matches?”

“I think Praying2god will beat Bothen 2-0 and McPsychoville should handle Krajkovia by probably a 1-0 score. In a way McPsychoville and Tynelia are playing like twins on defense except they at least can score. The real up in the air match is the Rordia one with the Atheistic Right. A draw here would be the best result for Tynelia but Rordia seems to be just going through the motions so far while the Atheistic Right are on a bit of a downslide themselves. This could really go either way but I think Rordia will take this match 1-0.”

“Thanks Anna, a win here and Tynelia will have some momentum going into the second half, a loss could see them drop all the way to fifth so the importance of this match can’t be overstated. And you’ll get to see it live here on TSW at its regular time and afterwards Anna and I will be here to break things down. Can Tynelia finally put the ball in the net and get a win? We’ll just have to find out together. For Anna Dalespin this is Sal Spikeman wishing everyone a good night.”

((OOC- <bows before the Archregimancy> not even going to try a match RP after that virtuoso performance. ))

King John sat on the throne glaring down at the nobles before him. Both his sons Crown Prince John and Prince Jeffery knelt before their father with Duke Anton and Baron Kyle beside them. Rising from the throne the king thundered.

“Disgusting, you people are pathetic, you’re supposed to be the cream of the country, the pinnacle the rest of the kingdom looks up to and strives to become and what do you produce? One lousy win in seven matches now losing to some monks who spend all day praying and fasting? How can you call yourselves champions of anything after this so-called performance?”

“We did beat Third England father.” Prince Jeffery protested earning a siwift blow to the side of the head from the leather glove his father was carrying in his hand.

“Third England? So you beat the people who were kicked out of the first two Englands. Is that supposed to impress me that you beat some third string Englishmen? How about all these other losses? Are you even trying? You come close then fall flat on your faces in the end like some drunken commoner leaving a tavern he drank the night away at.”

“But Sire, the competition is much stiffer than what we faced in the last tourney. Some of these teams have been playing for decades…” Duke Anton insisted earning him a slap with the glove as well.

“I do not wish to hear excuses. Your are the elite of tessan, the sacred blood of the nobility flows through your veins yet again and again you fall to mere commoners? How can you look yourselves in the mirror afterwards after the shame you inflict on your nation? On ME?”

“We’re trying father.” The Crown Prince began before he received the same treatment as his brother and the Duke.

“Don’t talk to me of trying boy. You will one day rule this land. Do you want people laughing at you when you sit on the throne ‘Look there’s our king, got his royal arse handed to him on the field of play.’ Is that what you want? To be the king who is ridiculed? Your brother has played twice as good as your sorry showing even though twice of nothing is still not very much. If you wish to rule one day boy then you should take command on the field as well. Will armies follow a king to war that can’t win a mere sport? It seems your mother’s blood has tainted my own royal seed to produce a couple of mewling boys rather than Princes. This sorry showing will end. Perhaps I will have the commoner play in your stead while you grow splinters on the bench boy.”

The King stopped as if to walk away before turning to Baron Kyle and smacking him on both cheeks with the glove. “As for you, I summoned you here alone of the lower nobles and knights because you have dishonored me. The only time I hear word of your exploits on the field is because you have been kicked out of match after match. Do you seek to dishonor your king with your boorish ways? Are you out to shame your king and kingdom with your infantile antics?”

“NO sire,” the Baron replied.

“Then act like a noble instead of a spoiled child. The only one of you who can hold his head high after this is Sir James. Perhaps if he continues to do well and other nobles displease me I should name him a baron of the Court, I’m sure I could find some noble not worthy of his title to strip it from. Am I clear Baron?”

“Yes Your Majesty absolutely.”

“Then begone the lot of you! I do not wish to hear after this of more defeats, more dishonor and more disgrace on the field of play. If this continues I will be most displeased. Now leave me, the sight of your feeble presences makes me ill.” The King demanded as the nobles rose and bowed again before backing away to the designated spot in the throne room where they could turn and leave without offering further insult. Glaring at the door as they left the king vowed to himself that things will be different, or else.

The KOOL Report at World Cup 29

Canadian shocker ...

Yes, it's your regular round-up of the World Cup 29 by your local blonde bimbo here. So, any news of worthy comment? Oh yeah! No, that's not some organic comment.

Group 14 had the usual wins and a shocker. Firstly, another win to Jeruselem! Not a hundred nil scoreline, but just two nil. The opponent was Mahaliastan and the coach put on the reserves for the day including the reserve keeper to keep them fit the World Cup. Penny Gadget captained the team in the absense of Debbie and well, they did enough for an easy win. Not a pretty game but it's 3 more points for the boys and girls here.

Ariddia rolled on with an authoritive win over Khenas. 2-0 might not sound so convincing but Khenas had no answers to Ariddians and a good team just keeps on winning. This keeps Ariddia in the top 2 while other just fail to catch the runaway pair of Jeruselem and Ariddia.

Wentland? They are choking! Seriously, we expect them to compete with Ariddia but of late what is happening? Draws and now a loss? Elrich pulled of a stunning 3-2 upset over Wentland who need wins to keep up with the Jeruselems of this game. Same Elrich we beat played a blinder but Wentland can bounce back and get back on track, just look at Ariddia.

3 points for Sliponia or Artoonia to grab and they play 1 ALL draw. Seriously, these teams need to put their hand up and say "we want to win". Today, a wasted chance for 3 points.

Jeruselem and Ariddia are way ahead, I mean WAY AHEAD. Ariddia are 7 points ahead of Wentland who are just 1 point ahead of two teams here. So, Wentland are slipping and need to claw back the difference between Ariddia.

Group 14
Elrich 3:2 Wentland
Khenas 0:2 Ariddia
Mahaliastan 0:2 Jeruselem
Sliponia 1:1 Artoonia

Iansisle are on some kind of hot run here. They beat Dicuban 2-1 and yes, it's their third win so far. They just look like being a new star of the World Cup 29 with a great start but games against the big guns will be the test later. The Lions scraped a draw with Molvania, but hey - they didn't lose. The Lions should have won but the defending let in some goals that shouldn't have happened.

Lions 2nd to the Tigers and Ians are 4th. Can the Ians make the top 3? The Kazoo Peoples stand in their way.

Group 6
Molvania 2:2 Nedalia
Iansisle 2:1 Dicuban

Hockey Canada LOST. I repeat LOST. Not just a close loss, they got slammed by United Island Empires 3-1 in shock of the group. No panic though as it's their first loss and I am sure the coach will make sure it does not happen again.

Group 9
United Island Empires 3:1 Hockey Canada

The Schiavone Scribe
Berry good!
Northern Caesarea 0-3 Schiavonia

A dominant performance from Eric Berry in the heart of the Schiavone machine saw the Sloths overcome Nothern Caesarea with ease, but with some controversial circumstances throwing a shadow over the game.

The game was rather simple against a Northern Caesarea team who had been in decent form of late. However, in an unusual move, their coach Paco Antequera decided to try out a few new players. And, as we saw in Schiavonia's games with Fmjphownix and Vuam and Isma, you really should save that kind of move for games against the poorer sides in the group.

The Sloths punished this folly with a dominating performance, with Maxi and Ferrer offering the only real resistance. First up, Edwards went down under a thunderous challenge from Molinero, for which the defender was lucky to stay on the pitch. Sanderson converted the penalty in the usual convincing fashion. It cams just before half time, and it knocked the stuffing out of the home team, who went in at half time massively disheartened.

The second half was a one sided battle, with Edwards going close on numerous occassions. However Tarmey wasn't at his best, partly due to Josip Luis Ferrer's solidarity in defence. Two more goals came. First Berry's ball over the top of the home defence that Edwards raced onto in typical style, lashing an unstoppable shot past Víctor before Di Mascherenasi finally put the game out of Northern Caesarea's reach with a cool finish at the end of a swift passing move between himself, Berry and McGee.

However, there was controversy after the final whistle. First a minor niggle that the Northern Caesarean press credited the first goal to Jermaine Edwards when everyone knows that Sanderson is our penalty taker. Team manager Rodney Lowe said afterwards, "If Kenny is on the pitch and we get a penalty, he's on it! I even wrote it into our roster for all the world to see, but it appears that the press in this country have something against our team. I mean, it's not as if it was even a case of mistaken identity. Kenny is pale skinned, blonde and stocky while Jermaine is lankier, dark skinned and shaven-headed!"

However, worse accusations were abound when claims eminated from the home dressing room about a number of incidents involving Edwards that are incredibly un-Schiavone.

Lowe rightfully defended his man, saying "They say that Jermaine dived for the penalty and spat in Perea's face. I can assure you that no Schiavone from any of our forty-six islands would do anything like that! For starters, Jermaine had to get treatment after the foul for the penalty to stop the stud marks from bleeding. And as for spitting in someone's face... well, the thought is just ludicrous."

"Are they crazy?" That was Edwards' reaction when we told him of the accusations. "If I did that, then my nation would disown me! I would never play for the team again! It is an outrage!"

"You can tell that they didn't come to our country for the Cup of Harmony, or else they'd realise how unrelentlessly friendly our nation is!" Lowe continued. "At least, we are to those who are respectful and honest. I think this bunch of liars will be given the McPsychoville treatment when they come to Kingsbury. No party for them!"

Strong words, indeed.

Final score
Northern Caesarea 0
Schiavonia 3 (Sanderson (pen) 44, Edwards 55, Di Mascherenasi 85)

Dear diary,

Haiz...another disappointing performance...another defensive let-down...another lapse by Ramon...and of all teams...Anastasiania, some team we've never heard of before in our lives...snatching points away from us...suddenly qualifying seems so distant...we need to buck up...I need to buck up...

More work to be done...

D

And we turn back around to see what's behind us:


http://www.geocities.com/becquerelia/images/cuation.gif Cuation - 2__________0 - Becquerelia http://www.geocities.com/becquerelia/images/becquerelia.gif


NO HELP AT ALL
Becquerelia Gives Up Second Place With Loss


ROENTGEN (JNS) - In one moment, the Becquerelian Black Cats were at the top of world, winning two straight games against tough opponents and moving into second place in their group. But in the very next moment, they found themselves in the depths of despair, being sunk by Cuation, and knocked backwards out of the final qualification spot.

The National Team appeared listless all game, displaying no creative flair and seemingly perfectly content to pass the ball amongst themselves in the middle of the field. All offensive attacks were snuffed out by the Cuation defense, and the team only managed one shot on goal, with several others being launched but ending up nowhere near the target that is the net.

Cuation got started very quickly in the 9th minute, picking up a goal from Giovanni Hatzori going right past a seemingly distracted Tyrannio Licausi. The next Cuation goal came only 8 minutes later, as Steven Milnar kicked a laser of a shot in the corner of the goal, past Licausi's outstreched hands. While Licausi had much trouble early in the game, he played better in the second half, stopping three other shots.

Paul Annunziata, who has found himself to be much of a non-factor so far in Qualifying had this to say about Becquerelia's performance thus-far: "We need more offense somehow. We're averaging less than a goal a match, and that is surely not going to get us anywhere near Casari or Krytenia. Unless we buy tickets to some of the matches over there."


Becquerelia's Current Results and Upcoming Schedule
Home Team Last
WIN DRAW LOSS
MD01: Spaamanian Plijous - 1 Becquerelia - 0
MD02: Becquerelia - 2 System Karela - 1
MD03: Becquerelia - 1 Intyny - 2
MD04: Becquerelia - 1 Audioslavia - 0
MD05: Haraki - 0 Becquerelia - 1
MD06: Cuation - 2 Becquerelia - 0
MD07: Becquerelia (3-0-3) at Elves Security Forces (3-0-3)
MD08: Becquerelia (3-0-3) at Spaamanian Plijous (1-3-2)
MD09: System Karela (1-1-4) at Becquerelia (3-0-3)
MD10: Intyny (1-3-2) at Becquerelia (3-0-3)
MD11: Audioslavia (5-0-1) at Becquerelia (3-0-3)
MD12: Becquerelia (3-0-3) at Haraki (2-2-2)
MD13: Becquerelia (3-0-3) at Cuation (3-1-2)
MD14: Elves Security Forces (3-0-3) at Becquerelia (3-0-3)

Molinero: Eh, Luis! What are you doing?

Perea: I'm reading the newspapers. The point of vue of the Schiavone side after yesterday match is quite interesting.

Molinero: What do these -censored- say about it?

Perea: Well, they say that Edwards was a saint: he didn't dived for the penalty, he never tackled you, he never spitted on my face...

Molinero: What a -censored- bunch of liars! I still have wounds from his lovely hug.

Perea: And he says he never done that to me. We have seen it a lot of times in TV, and the press is full of pictures of that moment. Is he saying that all our newspapers use PhotoshopTM? And he says no party for us when we'll go to their pitch!

Molinero: If they touch any of our hairs they will have a nice piece of our hospitality and politeness right in their face!

Antequera (coach): Stop speaking about yesterday match. We must prepare tonight one against Vuan and Isma. That's my list:

1. Cuéllar

2. Ferrer
21. Perea
15. Molinero
3. Martinet

24. Novo
10. Zahínos
8. Ríos
18. Zeamendi

23. Salmerón
9. Alcántara

Called in:

25. Víctor
22. Ibañez
6. Begines
14. Caminero
7. Bermúdez
20. Toledo

There follows a Party Political Broadcast on behalf of World Cup 29's official political party, the Party Party...

"Hello, Mike Toby from the Party Party here to give another typically Schiavone view on the events of World Cup 29.

"Now, you might well have noticed that the reaction to Schiavonia's game in Northern Caesarea, especially regarding the behaviour of one of our nation's players, Jermaine Edwards, has been described as being absolutely sickening and disrespectful.

"Do the people of this nation know nothing about Schiavone culture? The only thing worse than being not being incredibly nice to everyone is to falsely accuse someone of not being incredibly nice to everyone.

"Have these people never heard of Michael Ford, the most hated man in Schiavonia? Just in case they haven't, and you're wondering what he did that was so bad, we'll tell you.

"He was no murderer, no robber, not even a violent man. But he was dishonourable to a number of other countries. You go to Liverpool England or any one of a string of other nations and you will see how much this man is diliked. But nowhere more than here in Schiavonia, where he made everyone here ashamed of the nation.

"Jermaine Edwards is no Michael Ford. We have seen the pictures of the game back here. The allegations of hard tackling - he is a striker, that was simply because he was not very good at it, and no doubt he apologised to Molinero afterwards. That is the Schiavone way.

"We have seen the pictures of the so-called spitting incident, and it really is a bit of a joke. We might have considered listening to it if it were not for the accusations of him taking a dive. Dishonesty is considered the worst trait any Schiavone person could have, and anyone who would even dare to be dishonest while representing our country would be treated as a national hate figure.

"What we are going to try to do is to bring some understanding between the two parties. Hopefully we can work on relations so that the usual Schiavone welcome will be outcoming to Northern Caesarea. It would be a shame if it didn't."

"Until next time, be good!"

OOC: Basically, what I'm trying to say is that your description of what Edwards did doesn't fit in with any other Schiavonia RP ever. It would be like RPing Rejistania playing with seven forwards. It is ridiculous!

Round Up

Three games since the old press went on strike but now it has been put down, we can tell you what happend to the Cuation team going for second place. Gary Jens was switched after the Hawks game and Tanner has replaced him, keeping two cleans sheets but not looking too good.

Hawks Five Star

Milnar's volley put Cuation in front but after that, the Hawks dominated, taking full advantage of a poor performance by Gary Jens. 4-2 down, Gary Jens threw the ball straight to a Hawks striker then allowed himself to beaten to the header to finish off the game.

Rual Mendiz scored twice past a rookie keeper but Cuation's play wa spor throughout, mostly brought about by unease whenever Gary Jens was near.

4 goal rout through the Elves

Jude Tanner kept a clean sheet in his first World Cup start but only due to Night being offside when the ball was played in and later when Night's volley hit the bar. A missed penalty summoed up the Elves night.

Lu Fei missed one penalty for us but minutes later Mendez was played through by his partner to make it 1-0. Superior fitness ensured that Cuation crushed the Elves, Mendiz, Fei and Fallen adding to their goal tally in the second half.

Cuation Push Into Top Two

Jude only had one save to make as Cuation, confident after a 4-0 win, played brilliantly. Licausi allowed Giovanni to round him and slip the ball into the net early on. When Milnar blasted the ball in but Rual, Keane and Fei all had efforts saved later on.

Cuation seem to be finding some sort of form and will need it, they must play better to take second place as some good teams are emerging

Wentland Despatch
Elrich Pickings

Woe, woe and thrice woe. Vae victis. My name is Barnesymandias, King of Kings! Look on my works, ye mighty, and despair!

Alas, it is a thing writ on water. Plan A and Plan B have gone to Larryland and the Swifts are fast - stuck fast. A macedoine of multitudinous magnificence was dismantled by desperate denizens of a dark dimension. Three-two, did it finish, and the Badgers were stoatally in command throughout.

A brace of blinders were declared via the feet of Bang Bang Barry Scott and Elrich before the Swifts diminished the deficit through dimidiation, a Kent kurler kreating kaos for diminutive Davey to direct the device despite defensive desperation.

The third was through thrilling passing, picking players out from fearless fretting and frantic forcing to leave no-one marking Mudge who marked a miraculous move with a gorgeous goal of grand glory.

The Swifts secured a second in the seventy-seventh, substitute Collins catching a cross on his chest before curving it in the corner.

More energy, more effort, more enervation but no more execution. Three-two it was, three-two it remained, zero points the product. Qualification? Querulous.

from the Ianapalis Star-Tribune:

Here Come the Ians!
Or: Why the Tigers Totally Rule

by Jay McYule and ‘Toothless’ Sam St. Pierre

Hello sportsfans! As you’ve probably noticed, the Ians have been playing exceptional football recently (Sam’s note: but 4 the fact taht they suck!) Now that I’ve managed to wrestle my own typewriter back and laughed at Sam’s pathetic attempt at the written language, the Ians! They’ve just won their third game in six matches, managing a draw and two losses from their others. With ten points (nd a -1 gd!), the Ians are sitting one single point out of second place with one match to play before the half.

It may be too early to say, but a lot of people in Iansisle certainly have World Cup qualification in their heads. (just wait until tadjjekisten beets them into there faces!) Sam, that sentence just doesn’t even make sense -- unless perhaps you meant ‘feces’ instead of ‘faces’? or ‘in’ instead of ‘into’? (bite me jay)

Perhaps it is best at this time to thank all the teams who have helped Iansisle get where it is today. Jerusalem, for mentioning our amazing run after every game. Tadjikistan -- yes, Sam, that is how you spell it ‘for real’ -- for being good sports and helping us readjust to World Cup play, and the other six teams in Group Six for having a combined two posts. It was often said that the World Cup X Ians -- our first debut, when we won the SUPERCUP! (a fulke) -- were among the first ‘RP bonus-babies’ and it’d be an honor to continue that tradition, even if it means occasionally breaking the fourth wall.

At any rate, we’re sorry again for not having a full match report, but Sam and I were once again involved in a game of Diplomacy (may be u were jay but i was gettin blasted!). Well, that’s true enough, folks. There’s nothing more fun than a drunk England when you’re playing Germany. Write his orders for him when you’re taking care of the French and then... “Say...why does Germany need all those fleets?” (stop typeing so loud!!!! my head hurts!)

At any rate, live from the press offices here at the Tower, I’m Jay McYule alongside ‘Toothless’ Sam St. Pierre. (g’nith)

A non-soccer related semi-tribute to one of the best RPs I've ever seen.


THE DEFEAT OF TESSAN
Football-Related Brilliance On Stage


By Theresa Brachner, THE WITTON POST - One would figure that "The Defeat of Tessan", a classicly-inclined tale of morality and football warfare wouldn't resonate with the public in today's sin-soaked, cynical age. But somehow, this play rises beyond all expectations.

This tightly-constructed masterpiece shows a intense focus and plenty of good acting. Vetern actor Raphael Antonelli plays Metropolitan Kyrill of Solovetsky, the presumptuous and over-confident Head Coach of The Archregimancy football team with a calm, smug reserve that seems entirely appropriate. Theater newcomer Molech Kinaczy plays Fr. David the Water-Drinker, and is responsible for the show's true highlight: a impressive monologue that's so good, you'd think Shakespeare had written it.

The show does have it's flaws. Casting Conan Brooke, last appearing naked with 12 well oiled dominatrixes on stage in Paul Forney's slightly over-the-top rendition of "The Importance of Being Earnest," seems a poor choice to play Fr. Constantine the Learned, and the show does tend to drag in between the football parts.

Overall, The Defeat Of Tessan is definitly going to go down as the big hit of the season, and could be a definite candidate for honors come award season.


"The Defeat Of Tessan" continues through July 22 at the Green Wall Theater, 47 North Fifteenth Street, Witton.

Noble To The Rescue
Sex Gods sunk by late free kick

There's always a temptation to 'rest' some of your key players when facing a weaker side in the Qualifiers, instead of risking them against opposition more likely to kick their shins than the ball. So that's just what Khim Azanulbizarn did yesterday against AwalKB. Starblaydia still won, they kept another clean sheet, but only scored one goal. And only just, too.

Starblaydia's side saw four changes as Azanulbizarn left out 'keeper Bedford in place of Oyvind Collier winning his first cap, with Adams in for Costa, Kaminsky in for Cortez and Zinaldi lining up instead of Rage. Starblaydia's attacking threats were always capable thoughout the game, just not quite potent enough even for a nation in their debut Qualifying campaign.

It took until the eighty-sixth minute, a free-kick won as Kedzie Tomario was adjudged to have foul Johan Keifner as the pair attempted to get their heads to a long-ball from Markko Rakkinen. Paul Noble duly stepped up and whipped in his twenty-second career goal for his country. But only just. After seemingly placing the ball on purpose between the heads of Ninja Louis and Andre Rico in the wall, Noble's shot cannoned against the crossbar and bounced downwards, cleared a fraction of a second later by young Alfred Sheer on the goal-line.

The linesman immediately flagged for a goal, for which the referee could only agree to. In replays viewed over and over again, the verdict from Starblaydi pundits, at least, was that the ball had just crossed the line. Whole of the ball over the whole of the line. We think.

From the TAHAI! website:

TAHAI!esi do well in great height

Of course, everywhere the match between the Tecpatl national team and the rejistanian national team, our Orange-Blues (or Tahiakan'ny) is discussed in extreme variety. We heard basically everything: from complaints to the WCC about things like the extreme height of the Tecpatl national stadium (which is, as the Na~ovi National too often repeated 3500 m above sea level), insults to referee Vincento Chilaeno due to not noticing the foul of $striker against the SLS R defender Simi~ll Viki, press reactions to these insults, even some comments on the match (which surprises the writer of this article more than a bit since it was an "Milhelu" of the worst sort). Why are we using important webspace and waste bytes and bandwidth on an article about this simply and plainly slani match? We have two reasons for this: Xtesa Kiru and Mata Jisu.

Now how did our TAHAI!esi heroes do in this match, which left nothing to hope for and ended scoreless? Well, the best thing we can say it that neither Kiru'he nor Jisu'he played worse than the rest of the team. This means of course not that they played well. The height was a problem for the rejistanian team and the two were no exception. Kiru'he and Jisu'he despite that tried their best, but as Kiru'he said in an interview after the match: "This was a parody of a match, if these mountain-people are used to this heights, it means not that we are. This is a more extreme home advantage than Karela Lines has." We will see wether the effects of the MilHeLu will be seen in the league match.

OOC: Milhelu or MilHeLu: Milhan heven lune: match of the last league

Vikings come up flat after 8 goal outburst, earn 1 point in two matches

Despite heading on the road for five matches, the Viking management thought that everything was going great. After a offensive outburst against Mr Chuck Norris, the Vikings have not been the same. Mike Nolan is still scoring at as torrid of a pace as ever, but it was not enough. Heading into Northern Caesarea, Fmjphoenix may have been over confidant, as the Tricolors dominated midfield and worked the Vikings to a 1-1 draw, with Nolan scoring the lone goal in the 5th minute. The goal made it look as if the Vikings were going to continue where they left off against MCN, but the Tricolors were relentless, holding Fmjphoenix to a total of 5 shots in the second half, none even close to a goal.

Frustrations grew as the Vikings then traveled to Risa Aramour for the second match of the five match road trip. It would not be the turnaround they hoped for, as Risa-Aramour opened a early 2 nil lead after 20 minutes. It was not until the 73rd minute that Nolan connected with his only shot, a cannonball from 15 yards away. The most concern's were for Justin Keys, who has not been himself. An unnamed source close to the team has said that there is talks of benching Keys if he does not perform at his normal level.

Two matchdays have turned a comfortable lead into a fight to say in first. Fmjphoenix, tied on points with Schiavonia and Risa-Aramour, are still on top of the table due to their +15 goal difference, second highest difference to Starblaydia's +16. The matchup against Warrior Treblah has turned into one of importence.

"We let two matches that we could have won slip away and let out lead in the group go away. Warrior Treblah have already showed a little bite, so we have to go out there and play hard against them and show that we have not lost anything. We are still in control of our fate, its time to start controling it." Coach Wash said in a brief press conference before he joined his team on traveling to Warrior Treblah.

World Cup 29 Qualification
------------------------------------------------------------
MD01: Fmjphoenix 5 - 1 Zychibastan
MD02: Fmjphoenix 4 - 2 Schiavonia
MD03: Vaum and Isma 0 - 3 Fmjphoenix
MD04: Fmjphoenix 8 - 1 Mr Chuck Norris
MD05: Northern Caesarea 1 - 1 Fmjphoenix
MD06: Risa-Aramour 2 - 1 Fmjphoenix
MD07: Warrior Treblah ? - ? Fmjphoenix
MD08: Zychibastan ? - ? Fmjphoenix
MD09: Schiavonia ? - ? Fmjphoenix
MD10: Fmjphoenix ? - ? Vaum and Isma
MD11: Mr Chuck Norris ? - ? Fmjphoenix
MD12: Fmjphoenix ? - ? Northern Caesarea
MD13: Fmjphoenix ? - ? Risa-Aramour
MD14: Fmjphoenix ? - ? Warrior Treblah
------------------------------------------------------------
Record: 4-1-1
------------------------------------------------------------
Goal Scorers:
M. Nolan - 11
B. Dougood - 3
J. Russell - 3
S. Timmett - 2
R. Silverlake - 2
A. Jenkins - 1

Chuck Norris News
For All Of Your Fighting Norris Coverage

Is a team that's lost four straight matches even worthy of a news channel? The answer is commonly no, but we follow the Fighting Norris anyway. That's right all of you viewers, four consecutive losses now. You've already seen our reports on the Warrior Treblah and Fmjphoenix losses, so now we'll cover the two most recent losses in a two-part series. The first portion of the coverage, that will be reviewed in this newscast, was the 0-2 loss to Schiavonia. The second newscast will review the more recent 1-3 loss to Vuam and Isma.

Mr Chuck Norris 0
Schiavonia 2 (Jermaine Edwards 2)(Tony Tarmey 10)

You want to see a one-sided match? The you've come to the right place. Not only was the scoreline dominated by Schiavonia, but so was nearly every other statistical category of the match, especially possesion. Schiavonia had 81% possesion, keeping the Fighting Norris off the ball and behind in the score. Right from the start both sides knew this match was going to be a win for Schiavonia.

The midfielders of the Fighting Norris were dominated from the kickoff, sending Schiavonia in the right direction from second one. With little trouble, Kenny Sanderson, star midfielder of Schiavonia, advanced the ball downfield and transferred it to a wide-open Jermaine Edwards. Despite the Fighting Norris' futile efforts, Jermaine Edwards proceeded to blow the ball by Fighting Norris goalkeeper Mr. Bednarik for a score in only the second minute. Fans of the Fighting Norris in La Estadia De Norris began to boo their home team, knowing that they were not performing to their fullest potential.

As play resumed, it became evident that the boos had no effect on the Fighting Norris, as they played just as bad as ever. In almost no time, Schiavonia's forwards were once again advancing the ball downfield with almost no resistance. However, this score did not come as easily. Instead, Schiavonia's forward Paolo Di Mascherenasi shot was intercepted by Fighting Norris defender Scottest Hovest's head, which proceeded to deflect the ball over the goalposts. This rewarded Schiavonia with a dangerous corner kick that was to be taken by Kenny Sanderson, known for his accuracy in set shots. Kenny Sanderson lifted the ball into the air, with several players from either side readjusting in attempt to get a head on the ball. As the ball plumented back down to Earth, one body rose above the rest, and it was Tony Tarmey of Schiavonia, who managed to pass the ball by the goalkeeper with his head. As the tenth minute passed, the scoreboard showed a 2-0 scoreline in Schiavonia's favor. With this advantage, Schiavonia began to shift to a defensive strategy, thwarting any and all of the Fighting Norris' advances. Halftime soon passed and the second half flew by even faster in extremely uneventful style. Soon, the game was done, Schiavonia had won.

So continued the losing streak of the Fighting Norris, stay tuned in for our coverage of the Vuam and Isma match coming up next.

The Schedule of The Fighting Norris for World Cup 29
Matchday 1: Vs Northern Caesarea (Draw 2-2)
Matchday 2: At Risa-Aramour (Win 3-2)
Matchday 3: At Warrior Treblah (Loss 0-1)
Matchday 4: At Fmjphoenix (Loss 1-8)
Matchday 5: Vs Schiavonia (Loss 0-2)
Matchday 6: Vs Vuam and Isma (Loss 1-3)
Matchday 7: At Zychibastan
Matchday 8: At Northern Caesarea
Matchday 9: Vs Risa-Aramour
Matchday 10: Vs Warrior Treblah
Matchday 11: Vs Fmjphoenix
Matchday 12: At Schiavonia
Matchday 13: At Vuam and Isma
Matchday 14: Vs Zychibastan

The Fighting Norris' World Cup 29 Record: (1-1-4)

GRAHAM CITY SUN - Sports Section

Stars Fire On All Cylinders In Victory Over Collonie

COLLONIE - The Stars have had a rough qualifying thus far, with significant pressure on all the players as well as Daniel Davies and Oliver Doig. Many fans feel that this pressure is exactly the source of the Stars problems. While not being totally unable to put anything together on the field, the Stars had significantly struggled to dominate the lower ranked sides as they clearly should have. But after a rough patch with a tie and two losses, the Stars were finally able to get their patented midfield control, ball movement and scoring touch working to focus together into one coherent package. The midfield controlled the ball wonderfully, and was able to keep the Collonials from ever mounting a serious attack. The strikers in Bloudin and Kavanagh were also given their chance to shine, with each putting in a miraculous and wonderful goals that will surely be on the highlight reels for a long time.

The only thing that many fans are still worried about, is the defence, which because of the miedfield domination wasn't exactly given a chance to shine. Doig has stated repeatedly that the defence has his confidence, and knowing Doig, who isn't one to cut his punches, most pundits and fans have no doubt this is the case. Only in the second half of qualifying will anyone be sure of where the Stars will stand, but they need to significantly kick into a higher gear in order to sprint past CH and outrun the lower ranked teams, insistant on making the sure the Stars don't get complacent.

FINALSCORE
The Lowland Clans - 2
Collonie - 0

MD1- The Lowland Clans v. Danskmark - W; 2-1
MD2- Good Happiness v. The Lolwand Clans - T; 0-0
MD3- The Lowland Clans v. Oliverry - L; 1-3
MD4- Commerce Heights v. The Lolwand Clans - L; 2-0
MD5- The Lowland Clans v. Adam Island - W; 2-1
MD6- Collonie v. The Lowland Clans - W; 0-2
MD7- Mrkvejnia v. The Lowland Clans
MD8- Danskmark v. The Lowland Clans
MD9- The Lowland Clans v. Good Happiness
MD10- Oliverry v. The Lowland Clans
MD11- The Lowland Clans v. Commerce Heights
MD12- Adam Island v. The Lowland Clans
MD13- The Lowland Clans v. Collonie
MD14- The Lowland Clans v. Mrkvejnia

Chuck Norris News
For All Of Your Fighting Norris Coverage

Thank you one and all for sticking around for this newscast. For those of you wathcing who don't know, the Fighting Norris are in a bit of a rutt, a 4-loss rutt. Since we've already covered the first three of the four losses in this streak, we'll cover the fourth and (hopefully) final loss of this streak now.

Mr Chuck Norris 1 (Brian Boitano 76)
Vuam and Isma 3 (Stephen Fitzsimons 16, 36, 86)

The man's name is Stephen Fitzsimons, and he's had a history of giving the Fighting Norris quite a bit of trouble. He's a forward on the side of Vuam and Isma and is notorious for putting pressure on any defense. Today however, he would step up his game, he would do more than he normally would. The first fifteen minutes of the match were primarily in possession of Vuam and Isma as they built up an offensive boom. After being cleared out of Fighting Norris territory several times, Vuam and Isma finally penetrated deep. The defense of the Fighting Norris has been admitedly awful lately, ceding 10 goals in the last two matches. They were no match for Stephen Fitzsimons, who decided that on this particular day, he'd embarass the Fighting Norris on their home soil by scoring one for Vuam and Isma in just the 16th minute.

But no, a one goal advantage is not enough, why would it be? Already on the offensive once again, Vuam and Isma was making the Fighting Norris defense look a little like a bunch of 6-year-old recreational league players. Duping player after player, Yakit 'Yak' Yakkad, star midfielder of Vuam and Isma, advanced the ball with relative ease. His shot on goal would've been into the net had his teammate Stuart O'Driscoll not moved his head into the path of the ball. Unfortuantely for the Fighting Norris, the ball landed at the feet of none other than Stephen Fitzsimons, who effortlessly put one away for Vuam and Isma's second score. A dramatic shift in Vuam and Isma's strategy was apparent when they suddenly retreated into a defensive stand. Unlike the Fighting Norris' defensive stands, this one held strong for the remainder of the first half.

Emerging for the second half, the Vuam and Isma defensive stand continued, but began to show weakness. As the second half progressed, the Fighting Norris offense began to fight deeper and deeper into Vuam and Isma territory. It eventually began yielding oppotunistic moves for the Fighting Norris, allwoing them to fire a couple shots on goal, but with no results. Finally though, Brian Boitano was able to surpass Roman Brasiviev, the defender on him, to score the Fighting Norris' one and only goal in the 76th minute. Only one goal within a draw, the Fighting Norris began pressing harder than ever, but ended up going to far.

Their press ended up opening the field for Stephen Fitzsimons, who had already unleashed carnage upon the Fighting Norris defense. However, he had only two goals, a hat traick requires three. What does one do at a time like that? Score... again... in the 86th minute. The nail in the coffin goal came in minute 86 once again off the foot of Stephen Fitzsimons. A fourth match, a fourth loss. It's been a long time since the Fighting Norris have been on such a streak, and we can only hope it ends soon.

The Schedule of The Fighting Norris for World Cup 29
Matchday 1: Vs Northern Caesarea (Draw 2-2)
Matchday 2: At Risa-Aramour (Win 3-2)
Matchday 3: At Warrior Treblah (Loss 0-1)
Matchday 4: At Fmjphoenix (Loss 1-8)
Matchday 5: Vs Schiavonia (Loss 0-2)
Matchday 6: Vs Vuam and Isma (Loss 1-3)
Matchday 7: At Zychibastan
Matchday 8: At Northern Caesarea
Matchday 9: Vs Risa-Aramour
Matchday 10: Vs Warrior Treblah
Matchday 11: Vs Fmjphoenix
Matchday 12: At Schiavonia
Matchday 13: At Vuam and Isma
Matchday 14: Vs Zychibastan

The Fighting Norris' World Cup 29 Record: (1-1-4)

"THIS IS AN OUTRAGE. I WANT TOMARIO DEAD AND THOSE REFEREES ARRESTED IMMEDIATELY!!!"

"We can't arrest the reff's sir, their from an international organization."

"TO HELL WITH THE ORGANIZATION!! I WANT THEM NOW!!!"

"But sir, if we arrest them we'll surely have to respond to some 122 or so nations threat to go to war with us in order to protect the reffs."

"THEN HIRE THE GOD DAMN SECRET POLICE TO DO IT THEN! AS FAR AS ANYONE ELSE IS CONCERNED, THEY DON'T EXIST."

"Yes, sir, I'll do what I can."

The Prime Minister glares at his assistant and calms as he nods, satisfied, or nearly anyways...

"What about Tomario?"

"Kedzie Tomario, sir?"

"Yes, him."

"What about him?"

"Well lets see, he's already been ejected from a qualification game."

"Excuse me, sir but, so?"

"WE'VE PLAYED 6 GAMES!"

The assistant gives a confused look to the Prime Minister, but just lets it slide, fearing some bad reaction from the nutcase...

"Yes, sir, I'm assuming that's not all?"

"Of course it's not. He was the first AwalKB Sex God player to be sent off from any international match, during the Baptism of Fire tournament, and now he's decided to lose us the biggest match of the qualification!"

"But, sir our team needs him, should we expect to have any type of defense we'll need him on the field."

"Are you questioning me?"

"No, sir I'm simply pointing out that in the best interests of our team, and more importantly the nation, would be to keep him at center back. We could always just warn him not the screw up, or else. It's up to you of course, sir."

"Well, I suppose we could give him one more chance. And I mean that ONE MORE CHANCE, make that clear to him. If he f***k's up again, he won't live long enough to regret it."

"Yes, sir of course."

"Is there any more wonderful news you'd like to enlighten me with?"

"Just that the reporters are outside waiting for your weekly press conference, sir."

"What weekly press conference..."

"The one you've been doing for the football club for about 3 months now, sir."

"Are you sure?"

The assistant gives the Prime Minister a look.

"Yes, sir, I'm farily sure you have."

"Alright, if you say so..."

<Prime Minister Dunkn Do Nut steps into the room of 20 or so reporters all seated in front of the podium before him.>

"Good evening ladies and gentleman, how about we skip the boring part tonight and just skip to questions...Yes, you, go."

"Sir, what is your reaction to the result of todays game?"

"I think our team played very well against an incredibly tought opponent, unfortunately inadequate officiating costs us any chance of gaining points this time around. Who's next? You, go ahead."

"What are your opinions of the AwalKB team's chances against the Bettia squad tommorow night?"

"I think we should fair pretty well. Considering, and I know this for a fact, that we won't have an officiating crew anything like the one you saw today, I expect the result to be very close, and hopefully, very hopefully, we end up with three points. Ok forget this, I'm not picking anyone anymore, whoever speaks the loudest gets to ask the next question got it? Go."

"SIR, SIR! YOU MENTIONED THE OFFICIATING OF TODAYS GAME,"

The reporter takes a breath as the room becomes quieter,

"excuse me, what are your opinions on the officiating of tonights match overall, as well as the contreversial call for a goal near the end of the match?"

"I think it's total bullshit. The assistant referee was bored and just wanted to wave his god damn flag around like a fairy, when clearly from about 8 different angles, you can see that the ball was still partially over the line and had not crossed it COMPLETELY! Believe it or not, if you read the laws of the game, it'll tell you that the FRICKING BALL has to go ALL THE GOD DAMN WAY over the FRICKING LINE!"

The small crowd looks startled and no one speaks up.

"On that note, since it seems there are no more questions, I bid you all goodnight."

The Prime Minister turns his back on the startled audience and walks swiftly out the door, smashing it into the face of his closely following assistant.

Reporter Joe Lohos looks to his camera man once again.

"He's insane I tell you."

"Get's worse every week don't he?"

"I don't think he realizes he's on tape, and that we're quoting everything he says."

"Or he just doesn't care."

"True, bastard can say whatever he wants, no one can do a thing about it."

"I hear ya..."

"Alright, lets get back to the station and report the 'Prime Ministers Footballing dissent.'"

"Honestly, whatever..."

Wait, huh, RP Cutoff?

The Hawks had taken the field for their sixth match, away against Spaamanian Plijous, expecting a tough game against a determined home team. They hadn't expected such absolute destruction of the team's abilities for the first half. With Mark Stone and Luke Ford starting again, the team was back to the original eleven, but the Spaamanians outplayed them at every opportunity, managing their first goal at only three minutes in, when Mark Stone couldn't control a ball that bounced off the goalpost and it was simply tipped in by a Spaamanian striker.

The Spaamanians struck again at eighteen minutes with a free kick just outside the eighteen yard box which they bent over Haraki's defence and into the net, and a third goal just before half, a header off a corner kick. Mark Stone had been doing his best, but the Spaamanians kept beating Haraki's defence, especially down the centre where Gary Willis seemed to be the weak link of Haraki's defence, and in fact most likely one of the worst players on the team. Haraki went into the break down by three, and given the weakness of their play it seemed unlikely they could come back. Until Vargas was given the chance to make a brutal halftime speech, denouncing everything about their play and making three substitutions. Luke Ford was removed for Theo Angelica, Gary Willis was taken off for Rebecca Disano, in the hopes that she could liven up the defence and maybe stop some shots, and keeper Chris O'Hara was brought on for Mark Stone.

The changes seemed to work. The Spaamanians took the field expecting another massacre of a half and even another three goals for a 6-0 clobbering, but it was not to be. A beginning offensive drive from the Spaamanians was met by a fierce midfield game from the Harakians, that played the ball all the way into the Spaamanians' end and forced several shots, one of which ended up being just barely tipped over the corssbar by the Spaamanian keeper, giving Haraki a corner kick which Thomas Neils took and used to launch it back to Richard Weber, who took his time to set up the best shot available before launching an absolutely fantastic shot from outside the eighteen yard box, that he bent over the heads of the defence and that he hid from the keeper due to the other players in the way. By the time he saw it was even coming, it was far too late to stop it. 3-1 Spaamanians.

Haraki struck back again after Chris O'Hara caught a Spaamanian corner kick five minutes later and immediately launched it far out to Haraki's two forwards, already sprinting for it. Just barely onside, Mike Zendar took the ball, sprinting away down the field with the Spaamanian defenders chasing after him, only to be slide tackled from behind and go flying as he neared the goalie crease. The tackle was deemed intentional and the defender yellow carded. Zendar was awarded a penalty kick, which he launched into the far corner. It was Haraki's 100th international goal since their hiatus, and it only seemed right for Zendar to get it. It was his 37th international and brought Haraki within one point of the Spaamanians.

As the last twenty minutes were reached, the game heated up. Fouls on both sides became commonplace, and it was these fouls that ended up giving Haraki their third goal. Samantha Ribald was fouled just past half and she gave a high lob to Julie Vern, who fell down as she volleyed it into the net with kick over her head as she collapsed onto her back. She didn't even see the equalizer go in, but the roar of the crowd and her cheering teammates told her it had. With fifteen minutes left, the score was tied.

Then Vargas made a somewhat controversial decision, removing Matthew Thompson from the game and bringing on Samuel Sharp, Haraki's veteran striker, who had not seen much play since qualifying began, and was plagued by a rash of injuries during season play. Although he didn't appear to have much to do with the flow of the game at first, he was on the field when Haraki's spirit fell. With five minutes left in the game, the Spaamanians scored. It was a header off a high volley shot. O'Hara jumped up to punch it away, but the Spaamanian was there first and headed it over him, where it bounced into the goal despite Rebecca Disano's best attempts to get there and clear it. With the Hawks down by one, they needed a minor miracle to tie or win the game.

As play resumed, all Haraki's forwards and midfields began attacking furiously, trying their hardest to score an equalizer. Given two minutes of injury time, the Harakians still had not scored by the time the first minute rolled to an end. And then Zendar caught a pass from Neils and shot it. The keeper scrambled out, desperate to maintain their tenuous lead, and dove down, batting it away, but lost it out of his fingertips. Half a foot from his reaching hands, Sharp appeared and kicked it into the net. The keeper did his best to fake an injury from the kick to try and discount it for the win, but the referee easily dismissed that as foul play and awarded the point only seconds before blowing his whistle. Sharp was lauded off the field as a hero to Haraki, but even with his last-minute goal Haraki only managed a draw and fell to fifth in the group.

Haraki 4 - Spaamanian Plijous 4

(3) Striker 'A'
(18) Midfield 'A'
(44) Striker 'B'
Weber (50)
Zendar (56)
Vern (74)
(85) Midfield 'A'
Sharp (90+2)

This is Vic Rauter from the TSN soccer network bringing you the results of Quakmybush's qualifying game. The team tied Tylenia 0-0, and remains second in their qualifying group. Arguably their biggest game of the qualifications is tommorrow against Praying2God, who they have already beat. Here is James Duthie with Cory Sorley.

Duthie - You guys are playing quite well.

Sorley - Ya, we are, but we really want to close this out and get into the main tournament.

Duthie - Do you think thats possible?

Sorley - Well we need some bounces, and some luck, but hey you never know.

Elven Sports Network
Current Show: Football Central

"Good evening everyone, this is Jennifer Sar alone in studio tonight for another edition of Football Central. Today the Marauders took a step back as they fell to Becquerelia 3-1 at the Battleground. And what a battle it was, the teams were quite evenly match, and were tied going into the 86th minute. Yet Gregory Conveniencia and Daniel Abigantus decided to be heroes netting a goal each in the last 4 minutes of regulation. After exchanging jerseys, both teams were so wore out from the hard fought game, that many of the players simply collapsed on the pitch. This might of been due to the air conditioning in the arena breaking an hour before the game was set to begin. This caused tempatures on the pitch to reach 94 degrees with a heat index of 114.

The games first goal came in the 13th minute as the Marauders struck on the counterattack. Cuellar had blocked a shot by Abigantus that went to the feet of Tatum. He played it ahead for Swent who took the ball in stride and went 1v1 against Wainwright. Swent played the aging defender and poked the ball through his legs and blew past him. Licaussi came out to try and cut off the angle, but Swent cross him over and walked the ball into the net for an early 1-0 lead.

In the 28th minute Rajabzadeh came up from behind Zacharius who was about to take a pass and cleeted the back of both his legs. While Zacharius took his time getting back up, the ref came over and shoved the red card in Rajabzadeh face who left the pitch without much contest. A man up, the Marauders thought they had the advantage, but instead of playing like a man down, Becquerelia played as if they were two men up.

In the 41st minute Becquerelia got their first as Stone got stripped of the ball by Annunziata who sprung Khalef. Khalef blew by Kries and Titenburg was coming in to close him down, when Khalef crossed the ball in and unfortunate for the Marauders, it went off of Manderine who was trying to head it out and into the net with St Louis in no position to make an attempt to save it.

The late goal really seemed to deflate the team as the came out in the beggining of the second half completely flat. They could of easily fallen behind three or four goals if St Louis hadn't made some spectacular saves.

As the game continued on tied, the play began to get real physical, and the ref started handing out cards as if it were Christmas. Titenburg, Manderine, and Swent got yellows for the Marauders while Khalef, sub DuMoulin, and Licaussi got yellows for Becquerelia.

The Marauders loss really couldn't have come at a worse time as they have to face off against Audioslavia in the next match who dispatched the Marauders 4-2 in their last match. Fortunately for the Marauders, they will be playing in the White Fortress where an ESF national team has never lost. The Fortress is the oldest and most hectic stadium in the ESF, with crowd noise registering a 3 on the Richter scale. The Marauders will need a win if their qualfying dreams are to remain alive.

In other news, Zacharius and Kyla Night have announced thier engagement. The wedding will be the day after the World Cup final. With the latest news and rumors from the pitch, this is Jennifer Sar signing out."

End Broadcast

ESF V Becquerelia

Harden Swent (13')
(41') Trans Manderine (own goal)
(86') Gregory Conveniencia
(89') Daniel Abigantus

SATIVAVILLE STONER
We tell you Where the Doritos Are!!

the Lst 2 games of the 1st half of qualifying have happened and we found out the D2R is not a video game and the anathemic republics really creep us out. we lost to the former 1-4 and tied the latter 1-1. Humberto Pellicchia scored both goals in those matches for the Fritos. after 7 days, the standings are thusly:


Group 1 GP W T L PTS GD GF GA
Squornshelous 7 6 1 0 19 15 20 5
Dance 2 Revolution 7 6 1 0 19 13 16 3
Anathematic Republics 7 4 1 2 13 10 17 7
Horzel 7 3 1 3 10 -4 9 13
Sativaville 7 1 3 3 6 -4 9 13
Marceau State 7 2 0 5 6 -7 14 21
Rorysville 7 1 2 4 5 -10 10 20
Sarvoski 7 0 1 6 1 -13 5 18

5th place so far and doing ok. will update again as needed Monty Python.

(ps- I need some of that....stuff. ya know... most of these countris have banned it...)

Pschychoes Starting Strong

Squornshelous Opens Qualifying with a 7 match unbeaten streak
Seeking to bounce back from a second round exit last cup, the fifth-ranked Pschychoes have made a rather impressive start to qualifying.

Matchday One:
Squornshelous came out with a decent showing against a team totally new to the world cup. Most of the starters were rested, and backup players like midfielder Ivan Benelli and forward Igor Khabarov, who is emerging as the latest in the long standing tradition of Squornshelan strikers. Khabarov put in both goals against a defense that was not prepared for the scope of the Squornshelan attack. We hope Sarvoski can rebound to earn a few points after being thrown to the wolves like this in their first World Cup match.
Final Score:
Squornshelous 2-0 Sarvoski

Matchday 2:
The second match of qualifying brought a much more challenging opponent. Dance 2 Revolution aren't the football power they once were, but Revolutionaries and Squornshelans still have a bit of a rivalry, stemming from a few meetings in the first round and beyond. This match won't settle anything, as Squornshelous played D2R to a 1-1 draw in front of a home crowd that was not overly impressed with the match, probably owing to the uncharacteristicly low score.

There was also the unusual way that the score came about.
A dangerous challenge on star striker Vasili Petrov resulted in his leaving the field on a stretcher and the offending Xinza Uto leaving the field with a red card. Iannis Xenakis calmly powered the ball past Revolutionary keeper Zarischka for the 1-0 lead. In the second half, the tables were turned when a hard challenge by Joseph Kaizers resulted in a penalty for D2R. Maeda knocked his shot in off of the crossbar, beating Purcell for the equalizer.
Final Score:
Squornshelous 1-1 Dance 2 Revolution

Matchday 3:
Once again, Squornshelous was held to fewer than three goals, as the attack struggles to find its stride. The Demonic side facing the Pschychoes may have been a little intimidating, but with hell frozen over due to recent events, a predicament that is doubtless taking up much of Satan's free time, there really wasn't much concern for the immortal souls of our players. The Squornshelan midfiled mad a strong showing against the Infernal side, with veterns Syvatov and Harris putting in the goals to keep they Pschychoes ahead.
Final Score:
Squornshelous 2-1 Anathematic Republics

Matchday 4:
Finally, the red-and-black attack found its true form and put up an impressive six goals against a fairly decent side from Rorysville. Incidentally, at the same time that the Moose were playing in Vogsphere Stadium, their country's hockey team was also in Squornshelous for the Aglukark-Cherry Cup ice hockey tournament. While that may have been a nice little bit of trivia for Moose fans, their was nothing nice about the match they came to see. Squornshelous hit their stride, manhandling the inexperienced squad that came to face them.
Rorysville's team's average age is 25, and that low total drops to 23 when the teams two elder statesmen: defender Alexander Nikolishin at 32 and forward Mike Jasper at 35, are not included. Specifically, defenders Rick MacDonnel and Charles Hinton, at 25 and 22 respectively, and 22 year old keeper Nikolai Larionov, were mastered by the Squornshelan attack. Hinton, at his left back position, was faced with the dangerous tandem of Vasili and Oleg Petrov, who are one of the best coordinated tandems in the world. When combined with the playmaking abilities of Iannis Xenakis and Goran Syvatov in the center, it becomes surprising that this young side was able to contain them at all. Petrov and Petrov combined for 4 goals, including a hat trick for older brother Vasili, and Iannis Xenakis and Goran Syvatov each netted their second goal. Mike Jasper was able to keep his composure and pull together an attack for Rorysville at the other end, but by that point, it hardly mattered.
Final Score:
Squornshelous 6-1 Rorysville

Matchday 5:
Squornshelous once again took it easy against a less than stellar team, and found themselves on the right side of a 3-1 scoreline. Oleg Petrov was intsrumental in the win, scoring two goals, and assisting on the third, which went to Israel Kamaka.
Final Score:
Squornshelous 3-1 Sativaville

Matchday 6:
This match seemed almost exactly the same as the previous one, only with different names on the scorecard. Jeff Harris netted another goal, along with Igot Khabarov and Franz Peterson.
Final Score:
Squornshelous 3-1 Marceau State

Matchday 7:
The Pschychoes seem to be settling into a nice rythym at the halfway point, scoring three goals in each of their last three matches. The list of scorers is varied, so we don't have to worry about an injury hurting the pschychoes chances too much. Indeed, we have had nothing but pleasant sruprises from the bench. Igor Khabarov replaced Israel Kamaka on the starters list for this match, and assited on another goal for Iannis Xenakis. He also narrowly missed scoring on a corner kick. He intercepted the resulting goal kick and made a pass leading Vasili Petrov forward. Vasili, who apparantly was not seriously injured in the match against Dance 2 Revolution, easily beat the dfender and the keeper to the ball, and chipped it in for his fourth goal of qualifying. Goran Syvatov rounded out the match with his addition to his own collection of goals.
Final Score:
Squornshelous 3-0 Horzel

Squornshelous' Scorers:
V. Petrov: 4
Khabarov: 3
O. Petrov: 3
Syvatov: 3
Xenakis: 3
Harris: 2
Kamaka: 1
Peterson: 1

GREEN WOMBAT FREE PRESS
It has come to our attention that over the last couple of days, the Standings printed have not been accurate as to the positioning of Green Wombat, they do in fact have one more loss and one fewer win than is posted sorry for any inconvienince this has caused.
In action today, Green wombat was handed thier worst loss ever 0-5 to Catduanes. This dropps the Fighting Wombats into 7th place. In other action. THOSE DAMMNED oxen won 5-0 over Bostopia, LE beat Benlandngdo 2-0 and Tinsuvilia upset Bazalonia 2-0. The Group Standings so far after 7 matches:



TEAM W-D-L PTS GF GA GD
Liverpool England 6-1-0 19 18 3 +15
Catadaunes 4-2-1 14 19 6 +13
Qazox 4-0-3 12 15 14 +1
Tinsuvilia 3-2-2 11 11 10 +1
Bazalonia 2-2-3 8 10 8 +2
Benlandngdo 2-0-5 6 6 15 -9
Green Wombat 1-2-4 5 11 20 -9
Bostopia 1-1-5 4 9 23 -14

QSPN FOOTBALL WEEKLY

Ben Rottenburger: " Live from Bostopia is the 7th qualifying match for the Black Oxen. Vic Ditale is still missing somewhere in Benlandngdo searching for a lost shaker of salt. The Black Oxen come into this match on a three game losing streak and look to end it here agianst the 8th place team in Group 8.
and they are off on the field....

17th minute-- "Alicia “Speedy” Gonzalez has the ball, only a defender between her and the net, she stopps, lifts itinto the air and caught by the Keeper, Dave Kripp, Kripp looks to throw.. and Gonzalez took it and GOOOOOOOOAAAAAAL!!!! Kripp with a costly mistake here inthe 17th minute as Qazox takes a 1-0 lead..."

30th minute-- "Marie Goya has the ball now, looks for Gonzalez, she's covered, looks for Gretsky, passes, Gretsky shoots and OOOOO GOOOOOAAAALLL.. it just slipped out of Kripp's hands and into the corner of the net and now The Black Oxen have a 2-0 lead..."

46th minute, stoppage time-- "A late corner here for the Oxen... Anthony Mason lines up for the corner, lifts it in the the box, and GOOOOOOOOOOALLLL!!! Headed home by his brother, Andrew Mason and just for the half whistle blows, a 3 goal lead as the mason Brothers hook up for the goal..."

65th minute-- "Kripp is on the line looking to stop this penalty kick as Gonzalez has taken down hard in the box...Christian Likens who was substitutted in for Gonzalez wil take the kick....He lines up and GOOOOAL 4-0 Qazox as Kripp just missed the save the ball off his fingertips and into the back of the net. And the Bostopian Coach has seen enough and he's sending in Greg Hearn into the match a rare keeper sub here in the 65th minute..."

70th minute-- "And all heck has broken loose here in the 70th minute as Maria Gretzky gets her 2nd goal of the match of a beautiful cross form Likens and the Black OXen are now up 5-0..."

End of match Up Next for the Oxen is an improved Tinsulvilia squad that Qazox beat 2-0 at home on the opening week of Qualifying. hopefully the next week off before that match coupled with this 5-0 win will help the OXen climb back into contention for the Cup. For QSPN I'm Ben Rottenburger.


Scoring:
Qazox: 5- Gonzalez (5) 20'; Gretsky (1,2) 30', 70'; Andrew Mason (1) 46+'; Likens (1) 65'-PK.
Bookings:
NONE

OOC: Thanks to all concerned for the kind words -whether in this thread or tg'd- over the Defeat of Tessan. I won't pretend it wasn't nice to get some positive feedback over that post. Problem is, I'm completely devoid of inspiration after putting so much effort into the Tessan match, particularly given the goalless draw in the next match. So apologies if today's post seems like an anti-climax

Somewhere in Witton, Becqueralia....

"Why James, what a wonderful play! Antonelli and Kinaczy were marvellous. Thank you so much for taking me to see it tonight!"

"Not at all, my darling Beatrice. May I walk you home?"

"What a charming gentleman you are, James. Mama so approves."

"Your Mama is a lovely lady, Beatrice. As is your Papa. His sex-change operation has caused a great improvement in his character, I must say."

"Thank you, James. Now tell me, was this play The Defeat of Tessan based on historical events?"

"I believe so, Beatrice. While Fr. Basiliades may have coloured some of the events for the sake of making his thematic point, without a doubt the Archregimancy defeated Tessan 3-2 in a world cup qualifier - and roughly along the lines we saw tonight."

"Oh, how marvellous, James. You're so clever to know these things. I don't know what's come over me. I feel quite faint just thinking about those knights and monks, their muscles rippling in the winter sun, striding powerfully forth, glancing at innocent, ripe young virgins like myself, hoping to pluck them for themselves...."

"Well, I don't think the monks would have been doing much glancing at virgins, Beatrice."

"No. Perhaps you're right James. But tell me, what happened next? In historical terms, I mean. What happened after the defeat of Tessan?"

"Well, I'm afraid it's all rather dull, Beatrice. The monks of the Archregimancy - despite being heavily favoured - played to an utterly boring 0-0 draw with some minor team called Third England. Though they did remain top of the qualifying table."

"How simply fascinating James. But oh look.... we have arrived at my abode. Why, I do believe that both Mama and Mama who used to be Papa are out tonight at the Kitty Salon for the entire evening. Something about a reading of the complete works of Sappho.... Perhaps you'd like to come upstairs and tell me more about monastic football.... And besides, my bra strap has become loose, and I need the gentle touch of a man to bring it back over my shoulder, for I am innocent and young and oh so ripe, and cannot possibly do these things myself, despite what your commonsense might tell you...."

"The Defeat Of Tessan" continues through July 22 at the Green Wall Theater, 47 North Fifteenth Street, Witton, Becqueralia. Virgin deflowering not included.

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More Unicorn Crap

Queen Sonya was in a very foul mood following the Mystical Unicorns loss to Snub nose 38point1 today. In WC27 the Unicorns had made their debut as the 211th ranked side in the world. Surprisingly the squad had been really competitive with the more powerful nations and only dropped out of contention in the final few days of qualification. Then had come the reality of rankings in WC28 when the Unicorns had been placed in the same group as Liverpool England, Vilita, Dance2Revolution and Kaze Progressa. But again the unicorns made a good account of matches they had been handed.

Now for WC29 and finally a decent ranking at 61st in the world. Sure the chances of qualification had been slim with Rejistania and Sarzonia both in the group, but the shot for third was there to be taken. But poor results have plagued the squad with losses to Kelse, Rejis, Sarz, Kericia, and now Snubnose38point1. What the hell was going on? The Unicorns should be performing much better, but now occupy the seventh spot in Group 7. Something was wrong and coach, players, nor Queen could figure it out.

With the first half of qualification over and done, the Unicorns must focus on simply trying to reclaim their starting spot in the group. Wins over sides that should be beaten must come quickly because two losses are almost guaranteed with Rejis and Sarz coming up again.

Other Group 7 news. Kericia smashed Kelse 3-1. Somehow Rejis and Sarz earned draws with Aigosthena and Tecpatl, 0-0 & 2-2 respectively. Crazy.

Praying2God Watch: A second win for the Warriors - 2-1 over Bothen and now in 6th place for Group 12.

Chicanada Daily Rabbler
Where Proper Analysis Goes To Die

Halfway to KC
2-1 victory makes it all square

Eastentown - Not much to report, as the Rabbler has chosen to be stupid and predict the future and who gets the final 30 slots for the 29th edition of the NS World Cup. However, the Orange KodiStars did get another win today, beating East Lithuania 2-1 to catch The Archregimancy and their excellence in playwriting in the chase to qualify from Group 13. Of course, the team needs to lower it's Goals Against, as their 12 goals given up is by far the highest of any of the clubs currently in the top 2 from qualifying. Yerevan Malli is apparently still trying to decide on the starting keeper, and is rotating his two healthy keepers to see who could be the full time starter for the rest of qualifying.

Official Chicanada Schedule
MD01- W 3-2 Tessan (Starburst Park, Spears Crossings)
MD02- W 4-2 Third England
MD03- T 0-0 The Archregimancy (New Governess Palace, Kinsington)
MD04- W 4-2 Milchama
MD05- W 3-2 Iaukea (Sacred Heart Terrace, Bishop)
MD06- T 1-1 Kaze Progressa 2nd
MD07- @ East Lithuania
MD08- @ Tessan
MD09- v Third England (Mountainside Fairgrounds, Castille)
MD10- @ The Archregimancy
MD11- v Milchama (TroutCo Field, Cana)
MD12- @ Iaukea
MD13- v Kaze Progressa (Southampton National Square)
MD14- v East Lithuania (Cananite Pavillion, Paradiso)

In more fun, The Rabbler presents it's own skewed vision of the future:

Pegging to Qualify for WC29KC

Group 1
Squornshelous and D2R appear to have this group locked up already, with the two sides having a six-point spread over third place Anathematic Republics. With the ease of the other five competitors, this race is pretty much over.

Group 2
This group should be over, with Fmjphoenix and Schiavonia being heads and shoulders above all. But the Sloths have not sparkled like past sides and Fmj did get embarrased by our friends and rivals from Risa-Aramour. Our money is on Schiavonia winning, with Fmj, Risa and Northern Caesarea fighting for second. If Fmjphoenix doesn't continue their improvements, they might be lept by a Cinderella in boots.

Group 3
Starblaydia might as well look for a site to base. Seven points on Bettia and 9 over Legalese and they make it look easy as well. Bettia should hold off Legalese for the other slot.

Group 4
Another lock of sorts for Audioslavia (who says silence from the press can't get ya in ;)) but the interesting race is between Becquerelia and Cuation with the Elven SF right behind and within 3. We're betting on Bec's to slip in.

Group 5
Spruitland and TnUI make it look sorta easy, with a 6/5 point lead over The Macabees and former WC stalwart One Red Dot. TnUI could be at risk if either team on their heels catch a break or two, but we doubt it.

Group 6
Nedalia is building off their run last year (and lest we forget they edged us out for the Finals last year), staying with Tadjikistan. However, an inspired return by Iansisle might just pass them. Considering we love a friendly press rivalry, we'll go out on a limb and call Iansisle the second place team out of the qual stage, but just barely.

Group 7
Sarzonia and Rejistania are playing nice for a change, and letting Kelse and Kericia hang around rather than having a 6+ lead. Don't expect the niceities to stay for long. In a weaker group Kericia could sneak into the finals but Rejistania and the Stars are not going to just let anyone sneak by them.

Group 8
In another case where silence is golden, Liverpool England look set to make yet another Finals. But favored Qazox is in a horse race with Cataduanes and unknown Tinsuvilia and may need a bit of luck to get into the Finals.

Group 9
Hockey Canada is basically in, but Spaam is not as fully in yet. If Giant Zuccini catch a break or Spaam off-guard, the Waffles may not be able to recover from their horendous showing last Qualifying season (it was them who bombed out, right? Fact-checking is always sketchy with stuff flung about).

Group 10
How the hell are Oliverry undefeated? How did Commerce Heights loose? And is the press blackout a good thing (as if we didn't know)? The Lowland Clans and Collonie can try all they want to but the high seeds might as well pack for a nice Finals run.

Group 11
We're just gonna say this is more done than Starblaydia winning their group. NSM and ASMV are well ahead of closest rival Yafor 2 and look set to take it easy in what is the easiest of all the Qual groups in preperation for Krytenia/Casari.

Group 12
The Finals should have a debutant in the finals, as we're thinking Quackmybush have enough to stay with McPsychoville and get to the Finals over the Atheistic Right.

Group 13
Not to toot our own horn, but even with the rather large amount of goals allowed the Orange Stars are in prime position to advance. It helps that both previous trips we were in the top 3 (as we were last time but we saw how that took). The Stars should be able to keep apace of the The Archregimancy and stay just ahead of Kaze Progressa to make it to Finals #3 (and Malli's second ever as coach).

Group 14
Pencil Jeruselem in. 19 points after 7 games and being 8 ahead of third-place Wentland should just about do it. Ariddia is in similar shape, being seven ahead. Wentland could easily catch them...if their surprising womens national side got quickly intergrated with the national side or some of their luck from WWC2 was packaged up.

Group 15
Finally, Bedistan makes it too too easy, already 3 games won ahead of Pastorville, The Islands of Qutar and Magnus Valerius (is Group 13 the Group of Death? How'd we miss such easy qualifing?!) Amongst the three challengers for #2 we'll go with Qutar, who have the experience that Pastorville and Magnus might be lacking too much of.

SportsnetRV Soccer Central

Another 4 nill shutout? well this time the Moose were on te right side of said shuout as they finally win in World Cup XXIX. This win might have saved McKlintoks job for a couple days but unless they turn it around and do so now he'll be fired as the Faithfull chanted in the last game on MD 5 The Chants were so loud and the banners were a plenty all calling for McKlintok to be replaced.The RVFA has asked fans to be respectfull.
"Well I know I'm under the gun here but the classless asses that called for my head on a stake are a bunch of Drunken Idiots who arn't wortth the s%%% they inhibate I was glad to start this road stand so we can get away from the negativaty of Home and then you F###s follow is around and ask me every single minute if Ithink I should be fired well I have one answer to that get your head out of your ass and focus on the team winning and starting to gell together"--Coach McKlintok


Scoring Summary
RV-Negeuanne(23min)
RV-Pérez (45min)
RV-Svernetsiev(78min)
RV-Millens(87min)

SportsnetRV Man of the Match-Nickolai Larionov
Moosledge Systems Player of the Game-Adam Negeuanne

Rorsyville WC XXIX Schedule
MD1- Sativaville D 2-2
MD2- @ Marceau L 6-3
MD3- @ Horzel D 0-0
MD4- @ Squornshelous L 6-1
MD5- Dance 2 Revolution L 2-0
MD6- Anathematic Republics L 4-0
MD7- @ Sarvoski W 4-0
MD8- @ Sativaville
MD9- Marceau
MD10- Horzel
MD11- Squornshelous
MD12- @ Dance 2 Revolution
MD13- @ Anathematic Republics
MD14- Sarvoski


after this aired the RVFA has announced Coach McKlintok will be fined $100,000RVD for his comments and on top of that an Ultimateum has been leaved If he can't keep himself undercontrola nd make a formal appology for his latest comments he will loss his job.

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Sea Dragons On Cruise Control

This is Kellan Kildan reporting live from somewhere in the middle of nowhere.

The Sea Dragons faced The Footie Dream Team today and looked very solid in the process. A 2-1 win was in order for the squad from ASMV. The defense was once again solid as it allowed just its third goal in seven matches. The win also moves ASMV to 15 points. 3 points behind Group 11 leaders New Montreal States and seven points clear of Yafor 2, Ulyanovia, and Geisenfried.

Also of importance is that it appears Pablo Iglesias has returned to his normal form with goals in the 61st and 75th minutes. Evan Evans set up both goals with excellent passing.

Next up for the Sea Dragons is a trip to Ulyanovia. On MD1 they came to our home pitch and earned a draw. Now it is time for some payback as we will get our three points on their turf.

In other news from Group 11
Geisenfried dropped Yafor 2 1-0
NMS dropped Ulyanovia 1-0
Ashterrus and Lisburn Mateys played to a 1-1 draw

Friends Watch
Cuation drew 1-1 with Spaamanian Plijous
Tadjikistan killed Dicuban 3-0
Dorian and Sonya dropped an easy one to Snub nose 38point1 1-2
Milchama found an easy 4-2 win over Tessan
Ariddia continued to dominate as they crushed Mahaliastan 3-0

The Isangrad Times
Boyars Knocked Outta Second Slot
But Hope May Still Remain

ISANGRAD, MAGNUS VALERIUS ---- After a tense couple of days, a loss to Pastorville placed Magnus Valerius in the fourth group slot, two steps down from qualifying. On Matchday 6, the Boyars faced off against the "Pastorvillains", gearing up for a match to decide the fate of the team rankings in Group 15. While the Valerians started off with a great start, refusing all goal attempts from Pastorville, the second half saw a change of Pastorian tactics. Pastorville came in hard and swept in with two goals at the 62nd (made by Reverend Harris) and 83rd minutes (made by Reverend King). With no one able to equalize the score in time before the game ended, Magnus Valerius ended with a demoralizing loss of 0 - 2. Yes, that's right fans! It was a home game!

"Wh-WHAT?!" outcried one angry fan at one of our journalists outside of the Shahanshah Bowl (located in the city of Tabriz). "Such a disgrace. May Zoroaster guide their kicks next time!" The Zoroastrian local was later seen throwing loaves of bread at heretical, foreign Mormon missionaries for no apparent reason. We at the Isangrad Times report that Pastorville is not Mormon (at least to our knowledge), but we would just like to share our story of an angry Tabrizian with you.

Matchday 7 was a much better game for the Boyars. But then again, it was away at an unranked team's home, so it was not a really big game.

The game started out with a Nikean goal at the 11th minute. Yaskerin Eskimitel, amidst the cheers of the Nikean fans, manouvered his way through the Valerian defensive line. The defense was erratic starting off, often with Valerians trying to focus too hard on one particular player. Eskimitel punted in the ball, which screamed past the towering goalman Gustav Sibel. With Coach Ilya Pavlov dogging on the team, the Boyars soon shaped up and took form, taking the rest of the game with finesse.

With a renewed sense of vigor, the Boyars decided to make the Nikeans (to whom many Valerians applaud for their effort starting off in the World Cup series) pay for their quick and easy goal.

George Illyanich roared into the scene as he stole the ball from a would-be Nikean goalscorer. Jastin Lemperetel came in too close for comfort before the daring steal by Illyanich left him speechless. At the 27th minute, George Illyanich made the first goal for the Valerians when he kicked it in from 15 meters away the goal. The game was equalized, and the Boyars kept on the pressure.

At the 39th minute, the Nikean defense left an opening in their lines. Kyrill Feodorov, however, was shown the yellow card after he left the field from arguing with Jaskelin Yukaritel. With Feodorov rather charged after getting booked, he went back on the field and took advantage of the weakening Nikean defense. He charged forward, yet he soon ended up surrounded. He passed the ball to a waiting Heinrich Zerbst. Zerbst made the shot seem too easy, sacking in another goal for the Boyars at the 44th minute.

In the second half, the Nikeans tightened up their defense, hoping to hold off any further Boyar goals. The Nikeans started off with one more goal attempt at the 59th minute. Telerin Iranistel charged past the Valerian midfield, but a good defensive play by Stephan Bobrinsky and Nestor Lucinius sent the Nikean packing. Bobrinsky passed the ball onto Mongke Urt-Urumqi. Urt-Urumqi, known simply by Valerian fans as "The Mongol" took the ball out into Nikean turf. George Illyanich took Urt-Urumqi's pass and then passed it back at The Mongol, who positioned himself for one more goal. With the Nikeans scrambling to cover the best player on the Valerian team, Mongke Urt-Urumqi had a clear shot for a goal and punted the football, sending it off like a rocket into the Nikean net. The third and final goal for the Boyars was made the 66th minute.

With a beefed up Nikean defense and after some shouting from Manager Hikaren Spritethel, the Nikeans did not fall for another one of the Valerian tricks and made it hard for the Valerians to earn another goal. The Nikeans, however, also found the Valerian defense much tougher than it was in the first minutes of the match. The game ended 1 - 3, a victory for the Boyars.

The Boyars currently rank 4th in Group 15, the "New Group of Death" (as named by Valerians). This is only true thanks to the fact that all Boyar non-wins are all losses. We have not drawn on a match yet. There is still definitely hope for the Boyars to qualify in this World Cup! One final note: Tomorrow, we face Nebuleux once again, away at their home stadium. We wish the Boyars good luck, and look forward for a victory on Matchday 8.

MD 27 Final Score

Nikea 1 - 3 Magnus Valerius

Y. Eskimitel (11th)
----
G. Illyanich (27th)
H. Zerbst (44th)
M. Urt-Urumqi (66th)


Group 15 GP W T L PTS GD GF GA
Bedistan 7 7 0 0 21 15 24 9
Pastorville 7 3 3 1 12 4 7 3
The Islands of Qutar 7 3 3 1 12 2 9 7
Magnus Valerius 7 4 0 3 12 0 14 14
Nebuleux 7 1 3 3 6 0 4 4
Kedalfax 7 2 0 5 6 -10 8 18
Nikea 7 1 2 4 5 -4 6 10
Sovietry 7 1 1 5 4 -6 6 12


Boyar Scorers

G. Illyanich - 5 goals
K. Feodorov - 3 goals
J. d'Anjou - 2 goals
M. Urt-Urumqi - 2 goals
J. Song - 1 goal
H. Zerbst - 1 goal


And Now, News of Our Friends and Enemies and Their Games on MD7:

The Archregimancy, our Most Holy Orthodox brothers, found themselves in a hard spot as they drew nil-all with Third England, the worst team in their group. They fortunately are still ranked in the top slot of Group 13.


Group 13 GP W T L PTS GD GF GA
The Archregimancy 7 5 2 0 17 8 12 4
Chicanada 7 5 2 0 17 5 17 12
Kaze Progressa 7 4 1 2 13 5 12 7
Milchama 7 3 2 2 11 2 13 11
East Lithuania 7 2 2 3 8 -1 6 7
Iaukea 7 2 0 5 6 -3 10 13
Tessan 7 1 0 6 3 -7 9 16
Third England 7 0 3 4 3 -9 7 16


Iansisle, our most hated Gull Republican enemies, drew 1:1 with Kirstiriera. Unfortunately, they did not lose. They are ranked third in their group, although that may indicate that the other teams in their group, with the exception of Tadjikistan and Nedalia, suck.


Group 6 GP W T L PTS GD GF GA
Tadjikistan 7 6 0 1 18 15 21 6
Nedalia 7 4 2 1 14 4 10 6
Iansisle 7 3 2 2 11 -1 7 8
The Kazoo Peoples 7 3 1 3 10 0 11 11
Molvania 7 2 3 2 9 -2 9 11
Kirstiriera 7 2 2 3 8 -3 10 13
Dicuban 7 1 1 5 4 -8 5 13
Ozzelia 7 0 3 4 3 -6 10 16

Finally, the Psychoes in McPsychoville, our old friends from WC27's Group 10 and the following CoH, are dominating Group 12, despite their draw with Krajkovia for 2:2. We applaud them for their great performance ever since we faced off against each other years ago.


Group 12 GP W T L PTS GD GF GA
McPsychoville 7 4 3 0 15 4 8 4
Quakmybush 7 3 1 3 10 2 8 6
Tynelia 7 2 4 1 10 2 4 2
Atheistic Right 7 2 3 2 9 0 8 8
Rordia 7 1 5 1 8 1 7 6
Praying2God 7 2 2 3 8 -1 5 6
Krajkovia 7 1 4 2 7 -2 7 9
Bothen 7 2 1 4 7 -5 8 13

Northern Caesarea 1:0 Vuam and Isma

1. Cuéllar*****

2. Ferrer 0
21. Perea ***
15. Molinero *****
3. Martinet ***

24. Novo ****
10. Zahínos 0
8. Ríos ****
18. Zeamendi *****

23. Salmerón ***
9. Alcántara ***

--------------------------------------------------------

O'Connor ***

Reguagui 0
S'baa *
Brasiviev 0
Marc *

'Yak' Yakkad *
Dinamyque ***
Grak 0
Lidon *
O'Driscoll *

Fitzsimons ****

The crack
Molinero
In the turmoil for some schiavone media vile accusations, the new Alcalá FC defender was highly motivated in this match, stopping any Vuan and Isma attempt to approach our goal in their tracks.

The dandy
Zeamendi
The veteran left-winger played a wonderful match, giving the goal pass to Alcántara and making vain all Reguagui and "Yak" efforts to stop him.

The tough guy
O'Driscoll
Made some violent tackles which cost him a yellow carton. Could perfectly have leaved the match after.

Not his day
Reguagi
Tottaly inefficient in stopping Zeamendi and Martinet incorporations to attack.

Berenguer-After the defeat against Schiavonia in Azaña and the violent and libellous campaign by their media, the Tricolore Fury and their fans wanted revenge, and they found a perfect victim in Vuan and Isma, which had serious problems trying to stop the Nortern Caesarea hurricane.

The match begun with a beginner's penalty provocked by Ferrer over Fitzsimons (m.17), who failed the resulting shot. A fabolous Cuéllar was here to avoid him to score.

The Tricolores dominated ever after, with some individual actions by Dinamyque and Fitzsimmons. With patience, they managed to score in minute 75, after a precision pass from Zeamendi to Alcántara, who didn't forgive Vuan and Isma goalie, O'Connor.

“Well, Sam, say what you will about football, it certainly does draw in the crowds. I’m sitting here at the press box of the Westergate Footballing Grounds and all I can see in the stands is a sea of red and white.”

“It’s an off-day for the Gulls, Jay. They have nothing better to do than show up here. I’d expect to see a much smaller crowd for the game against the Tigers; after all, everyone wants to see the home team win.”

*papers being ruffled*

“Sam, have you seen my sheet on Kirstiriera?”

“God bless you.”

“No, no, Kirstiriera.”

“I know. That’s why I blessed you, Jay. Lord knows I wouldn’t do that if you hadn’t sneezed.”

“Kirstiriera, Sam, Kirstiriera!”

“Whatever, Jay. I’m getting early Group Four scores in now -- looks like Audioslavia has given your curse the slip.”

“My curse? I remember very distinctly that using that witch doctor was Penns-McCormick’s idea.”

“I tend to get you messed up since you both smell musty.”

“I’ll just take that as a compliment, Sam. At any rate, I’ve misplaced my Kirstiriera --”

“God bless you.”

“---sheet, so we’ll have to call this one by pulling random names out of our rears.”

“Just like...like...”

“Like a colectomy, Sam?”

“No, Jay. More like your cole---whatever it was that you said.”

“Well spoken, Sam. Well, we’re underway here at the Footballing Grounds, and the crowd couldn’t be happier than seeing their very own heroes in action on the pitch.”

Thirty-first minute

“Well, Sam, this certainly has been an exciting game so far! Two goals, one a piece for Iansisle and Kirstiriera --”

“God bless you.”

“-- and numerous chances have the crowd here at the Footballing Grounds on their feet! Both teams are now battling for possession in the midfield, with no clear attacker.”

Forty-fifth minute

“Well, we’re into stoppage time for the first half and there’s been no shots taken since that Kirstirieran --”

“God bless you.”

“-- forward (was it number four or number nine? it’s hard to tell from up here. I'll just call him Tony) beat Brandt the Elder on a chance and put it past Feckless for a goal in the twenty-third minute. Sam, this goal started out with a frantic fast pace but something seems to be gumming up the works on both ends of the pitch. As we wind down, what can Coach Truman do to get the Ians fired up again?”

“I’d suggest a line change.”

“Insightful as always, Sam.”

Fifty-first minute

“There’s Cecil winning possession and passing to -- wait, he’s been intercepted...”

sixty-eighth minute

“....by a Kirstirieran --”

“God bless you.”

“---midfielder, who is coming up the right flank, but...”

Seventy-fifth minute

“...he’s tripped up by Johnson, no foul called. The Ians send it up the field, but...”

Eighty-third minute

“...the long pass to Copplestone falls short, taken back the other way by Kirstiriera.”

“God bless you.”

“Number...is that eleven? I think he’s been playing well today. I'll call him Steve. Anyway, Steve sends the ball back the other way...”

Ninety-second and a halfth minute

“...but his man is in double coverage and the ball’s taken back by Tagger, forwarded towards Cotton. But there’s the final whistle! -- we’ve run out of time on this bore-o-rama. Now, Sam, wouldn’t you saw that this was just a sloppy game of football by both sides?”

“ZzZzzzzz”

“Sam! The game’s over! Wake up!”

“zzz...*snort* wassat? God bless you!”

“I said the game’s over.”

“Who won?”

“Nobody. One-all final.”

“So why’d you bother waking me up at all?”

“Because the rest of group six’s scores have come in, Sam. Your Tigers beat Dicuban into the ground on the road, three-nil --”

“The same score they beat the Ians by!”

“Yes indeed, Sam. You get a cookie for remembering that. At any rate, the big result was Molvania...”

“Who?”

“You remember Molvania. We beat them one-nil on the second match day?”

“Oh right! That was the one where Lyons cheated and tugged on the jersey, right?”

“Some would consider that an innovative use of game mechanics, Sam. But here’s another cookie anyway. So Molvania came out of nowhere to down the Kazoo Peoples --”

“Wait a minute. You just said where they came from. How could it be ‘out of nowhere’ if even you knew?”

“Sam, why don’t you just go back to sleep?”

“After all this sugar, Jay? You should be so lucky!”

“Molvania two, Kazoo one! There I said it! How about them apples, eh Sam?”

“Apples? You have apples with you, Jay? Can I have one?”

“I’ll just skip to the big finish, I suppose. The point from today’s draw pulls Iansisle just ahead of the Kazoos and a mere three points behind Nedalia. However, they’ll be facing a tough match at the Footballing Grounds against Tadjikistan --”

“Woohoo! Go Tigers!”

“--and, with the added pressure of a Chicanadan paper picking us to qualify out of our group (everyone knows that the Ians never win when they’re expected to), look for the Ians to enter a mid-qualifying slump.”

“You said it, Jay.”

“Once again, coming to you live from the Westergate Footballing Grounds, we’ve been Jay McYule and ‘Toothless’ Sam St. Pierre. See you next time, folks!”

'Hello, I am Simon Orlitsa for Sportweekend, brining you the latest news on our beloved Tigers. Once more we were able to bring a national Coach to our studio, Piotr Monhakyiev. Welcome to the Studio Mr Monhakyiev'

'Hi, Simon'

'This is not your first appearance in our studio, but it is the first time as a national coach. How does it feel to be the leader of the national team?'

'After coaching a club for so many years, this was definitly an interesting change of career, not only can I count on the best players Tadjikistan has to offer, I also have all Tadjik footballfans as supporters. So to answer your question, It feels damn good and adaptation went faster than I could dream.'
'But then it doesnt take long to getting used to such a good and talented team of players and assistents.'

'The qualifications have been particularly better and easier than they were four years ago. Our Tigers have won six out of seven games. I'd say everything is going fine.'

'We have been able to beat our main rivals, the Nedalia Lions on matchday two, though that was not with me as coach and the win was achieved in the Isserson stadium and in exception of The Kazoo Peoples, we have brushed all teams aside.'
'Offcourse, now comes the second round and each of our opponents knows how we play. They now know the weak spots within our team, we should be cautious, especially now.'

'And vice versa, we know their weak spots and we have a new fresh breeze blowing through our side in the form of a new coach.'

'Thats an interesting remark Simon, since I wasnt here in the first round, I did not have the opportunity to learn on the job. I've been watching some Tadjikistan - Iansisle video's lately to get some insight on their tactics.'
'I'll even tune in on one of their radiostations covering the match to see how Ians think, I also heard there was a co-commentator who cheers for the Tigers, so that should be interesting.'

'And now back to yesterday, Dicuban - Tadjikistan, 0-3 with goals by Tulberdiev, Zyrianov and Elisarov, are you happy with the result?'

'Offcourse I am, winning against an opponent in an away match without conceding a goal is always nice, even with such lowerranked sides as Dicuban. Our defenders did what they had to and our strikers finished of the job. We were indivually stronger than our enemy, in defense and offense. A bit more cooperation within our team might be favorable, but this was a good result, better than the match in Ozzelia, where we actually struggled to win.'

'But we won none the less, are we qualified or do you see some problems coming up?'

'Our last three matches are played in Dushanbe against the weaker sides of group 6 so that does favor us, but before we get there, we have to make a visit to Iansisle and Nedalia. I would say, 'qualified' yet but we are very close with four points seperating us from our rivals Nedalia and seven between us and thirdranked Iansisle. We should be careful, but there's no need to worry right now.'

'I'll take you on your word and hope for a strong Tadjik performance at the Footballing Grounds in Iansisle'

'I'm hoping for the same.'


And then there's some of the usual crap...
Fixtures:
MD1: Tadjikistan - Iansisle W 3-0
MD2: Tadjikistan - Nedalia W 2-0
MD3: The Kazoo Peoples - Tadjikistan L 1-2
MD4: Tadjikistan - Kirstiriera W 4-1
MD5: Molvania - Tadjikistan W 1-4
MD6: Ozzelia - Tadjikistan W 2-4
MD7: Dicuban - Tadjikistan W 0-3
MD8: Iansisle - Tadjikistan
MD9: Nedalia - Tadjikistan
MD10: Tadjikistan - The Kazoo Peoples
MD11: Kirstiriera - Tadjikistan
MD12: Tadjikistan - Molvania
MD13: Tadjikistan - Ozzelia
MD14: Tadjikistan - Dicuban

Tadjik Topscorers
Tulberdiev - 8
Zyrianov - 5
Berzarin - 4
Elisarov - 2
Nabiyev - 1
Yarygin - 1

Maitland Bags 4 in 6-0 Win!
Starblaydia top of uber-results supertable

She's become only the second Starblaydi player ever to score four goals in a single match, Jacqueline Maitland. As Starblaydia headed to Spindomia with a full Starting Eleven - just so there would be no scraping a win in the last minutes, as happened against AwalKB - and, oh boy, did those eleven come to fruition.

This is how Starblaydia should always play when faced with the un- and lower-ranked nations. Starblaydia has some of, if not most of, the best players in the world: Noble, Maitland, Rakkinen, Rujano, Bedford and Rage to name but a few. When these players come together an play well, 6-0 should be the scoreline, not 1-0. But even the best can't perform to that level all the time. If Jackie Maitland performed at this level every match, she'd break the national record of 44 goals in a dozen matches, never mind an entire career.

Previously only the legendary Simeone Di Bradini had score four goals in a match, when he ran riot against Big Pimento in the 5th AOCAF, as Starblaydia opened up their title defence with a 6-2 win. That, ladies and gentlemen, was forty years ago, in Legalese. Last night, in Spindomia, Jackie Maitland equalled that record. The new Tolkacheva? Pfft, she's way better than that.

A tap-in at the back post from an excellent Noble cross, after a great break from Pedro Rujano, was her first goal as Starblaydia took a 1-0 lead early on in the match. Her second was a nod-down from Keifner in the box and she acrobatically fired into the back of the net. Her third saw her round the keeper from a through-ball from Rage, while her fourth was yet another cross from Paul Noble, picked up on the edge of the area she provided the crowd with some fancy footwork before rifling the ball into the bottom corner for four.

Jackie Maitland 4, Spindomia 0.

With such a massive lead, Azanulbizarn could afford to bring on the kids, and they duly got involved in the rout, with Fillipo Zinaldi and Janica Rocca adding to the demoltion, as Starblaydia kept their sixth clean sheet in a row. The Defending Champions also have the best record of any team in the Qualifiers, the top of a 120-nation tree.

Watch out world, Starblaydia are on for another title.

RK: Rachel Kool
JJ: Joe Jerk

RK: Good morning! This is Rachel Kool for Jeruselem Government News at the World Cup 29. I'm with club coach Joe Jerk who wants to talk about the current team results.
JJ: I'm the best everyone ...
RK: We're here to talk about the World Cup 29 team not yourself
JJ: Whatever you say Rachel, oh yeah
RK: Just a round up of scores from Group 14. Jeruselem trash Artoonia 3-0 to lead the group as undisputed leader. Wentland return to form and trash Khenas, yes 3-0 and retain 3rd spot. Ariddia keep 2nd spot after trashing Mahaliastan, 3-0 again. Sliponia and Elrich had a 1 ALL draw. The top 4 do not change with Jeruselem, Ariddia and Wentland dominating over Khenas. The others are a distant 4 points away from Wentland. No drama there
JJ: Bah, boring!
RK: Group 6. The Ians drew with Kirstiriera 1 ALL but move to 3rd as the Kazoo peoples lost their game. The Lions won again, they beat Ozzelia 2-0 and stay 2nd with the Tigers leading.
JJ: Those Lions suck!
RK: Will you stop being an idiot please?
JJ: No way!
RK: Group 9 and Hockey Canada won again. The NSSR lost to the Canucks 3-2 and well, Hockey Canada lead the group with total ease.
JJ: Hockey poofter Canada

RK: So, Joe what do think of the current Jeruselem team results. Unbeaten with one draw. Scored 19 goals and conceded 3, just from 7 games. That's with the reserves playing one game totally.
JJ: I can do better than that Harry Kool. If I was coach, we'd do better?
RK: How?
JJ: Get all those girls off the team and put in some strong macho men who play real football
RK: The captain is a girl who has lead two Women's world cups into the finals. Speak to any Jeruselem male and they know who Debbie Dallas is.
JJ: Ha, she's useless. Can't tackle and prone to injury. Girly who had a broken arm
RK: Surely, from these results Harry Kool must be doing a good job here. Currently 4th best performing team. Only three undefeated teams including champs Bedistan are better?
JJ: If I had my way, I'd change everything and we'd win this World Cup 29.
RK: You team was 2nd last in the Jeruselem Premier League, how can you say that?
JJ: I get all crap players. I'll shake up any World Cup. Harry's an idiot
RK: I'm his wife, watch what you say about him
JJ: I'm a real man. He's just a girly talky man
RK: I've had enough of you

* WHACK *
Joe Jerk falls over with a lump in his head

RK: This is Rachel Kool reporting for JGN. Joe Jerk just got attacked by a JGN reporter and everyone here is happy. Even the local fans are kicking his body.

* Fans rob Joe Jerk *

RK: Well, the official JGN Rachel Kool Bikini calendar goes on sale tomorrow! Starring moi. All you soccer men, buy it and you can pretend to be a Harry Kool too. It's just 20 shekels at any good or bad bookstore or newsagent. It's also cosigned by my hubby, so buy one for your partner too. Yes for those Hockey Canada and Nedalia fans, the calendar has something for you too - me in the team colours.There's no Debbie Dallas one, so buy this one or a Joe Jerk dartboard.

RK: Surely, from these results Harry Kool must be doing a good job here. Currently 4th best performing team. Only three undefeated teams including champs Bedistan are better?

Rachel, you're living in the past, honey.

Yes, Bedistan may have been champions three times and, yes, they were Champions for a whole eight consecutive years recently. However, for the last four years the World Champions have actually been Starblaydia, the team that defeated Bedistan 7-6 on penalties at the Paladin Dome in New Montreal States during the Final of World Cup 28.

This achievement, you may note, makes Starblaydia the current 'champs' [sic], as well as the team with the best qualifying record. Admittedly their Cup win wasn't as good as mine, when I scored the winning goal in Extra Time of the World Cup 25 Final against Rejistania, but a World Title is, none the less, a World Title.

Yours Pedanticly.

- signed -

Giovanni Lopez,
World Cup Committee President
World Cup 25 Winner
World Cup Hall of Famer

OOC: My last post for a while; I’m going to be away for a few days. Hopefully my scores won’t plummet too badly. ;)

IC:
Ariddian defence still unbeatable

The Rouge-et-Noirs again travelled abroad, visiting Mahaliastan to meet their final opponent in the first half of qualifying. None of the team had ever visited Mahaliastan before, and Wol Eosh summed it up as “friendly people, good food, great weather, lovely architecture”. A group of reporters accompanied the players to begin filming a mini documentary about this little-known country, outlining its history, culture and traditions for the benefit of Ariddian viewers back home.

The Rouge-et-Noirs performed the ulek with fierce confidence, Indigenous players Ta I, Wol Eosh and Ul U looking particularly impressive. Some supporters believe the ulek gives the team a distinct psychological advantage over their opponents, and the tradition is proudly maintained at the beginning of every match.

Perhaps surprisingly, the first major opportunity for a goal came from Mahaliastan, with a well placed shot which would have skimmed in past the bar, had Leduc not managed an equally magnificent save. After that, the Ariddians dominated solidly. Ismail Faraj scored the opening goal in the seventeenth minute, and Ul U made it 2-0 by the twenty-ninth. Although Mahaliastan gave their best in the second half, Faraj rounded off the score with a new goal in the eighty-second minute. 3-0.

Once again, Ariddia had completed a match without conceding a goal, for the sixth time in seven games. Supporters applauded the team as they came home and landed at Rêvane International Airport. Ariddia are currently in tenth overall place, and only Starblaydia, Rejistania and Tynelia have conceded fewer goals. Some are beginning to dare hope that Ariddia will not only qualify, but perhaps even make it all the way to the quarter-finals, which has not happened since World Cup 10. Coach Evhgeny Melenciuc will be counting down the days on his new Rachel Kool bikini calender.

Also in group 14, Jeruselem and Wentland both paralleled Ariddia’s 3-0 victory, winning against Artoonia and Khenas respectively. Elsewhere, Starblaydia inflicted a crushing 6-0 on Spindomia, and Rejistania was again held to a goalless draw, this time by Aigosthena.

Rachel, you're living in the past, honey.

<...space saver...>

Yours Pedanticly.

- signed -

Giovanni Lopez,
World Cup Committee President
World Cup 25 Winner
World Cup Hall of Famer

My mistake, and I do get my World Cup champs scrambled when some idiot is bagging my husband for doing a good job. 2nd time I've decked someone live on TV, but they should know about my short temper for idiots.

Bedistan and Starblaydia are both great teams, with no disrespect to any team intended.

Love
Rachel Kool
Official Reporter for the Jeruselem Government News

OOC
Sorry, watching too much RL world cup lately

“This is Dana Lee outside the Tynelian team locker room where Coach Greg Tudor has ordered his team after yet another scoreless draw, the team’s third in a row which again cost them a chance to take sole possession of second place. Let’s see if we can listen in…”

<from inside>

“… is wrong out there? What’s this in my hands?” Coach Tudor’s voice could be heard.

“A soccer ball” the team rplied.

“And what’s that over there?”

“A net”

“And where does the ball go?”

“In the net.”

“Correct so what’s the problem here? You put the ball in the net? I’m beginning to get very vexed with you all about this simple routine. Do you realize Amy and Vlaidmar have played their hearts out here? Six straight shutouts between the two of them and what have they gotten to show for it? Two wins, that’s it. We could be dominating this group if you people could just get one goal a match, is that so hard? Is that too much to ask? Do you think that the pressure has to be on our keepers to be absolutely perfect every time out? Because guess what lads and lasses, no matter how well they play they will not post a shutout everytime out. We’re damned lucky we’re even as high up in the standings. And you know who’s most thankful? Praying2god. That’s right, they had a horrendous start and yet thanks to you people not being able to score they’re only two points behind us. One bleedin’ win and they pass us. Is that what you want? They gift-wrapped a World Cup spot for you early on and you let it slip through your fingers.

"Now you’re going to have to scratch and claw for a spot. We’re halfway home and you’d better win these next three matches if you even want to consider advancing. We have the Right next. They beat us, our only loss and the only match we gave up a goal. Are you going to roll over offensively again or will you get off your arses and play some football and get the win you passed up on these past three matches?”
<mumbles>

“I can’t hear you.”

“WE’RE GONNA WIN!”

“You damned well better, now to the showers with you lot and think about where you want to be in seven more matches. Home or in the Cup for the first time ever.”

<back outside the locker room>

“There you have it Sal and Anna, this is the first time that cool British reserve has cracked for Coach Tudor. Let’s hope it will be enough to get things going.Over to you two.”

<cut to studio>

“Thanks Dana, well Anna, it seems Coach Tudor has had enough of Tynelia’s lack of offense after their third straight 0-0 match. Fortunately for us everyone else seems to tie regularly as well so we still find ourselves tied with 10 points but yet last place is only three points behind us. One win.”

“That’s right Sal and I had wondered when Coach Tudor would try to put his foot down with this team. This has happened in the past to Coach O’Meara but until this stretch the team had always managed to find enough offense to get by under Tudor but they’ve reverted back to their old form now. And that has to stop. Once more they face three winnable games if they could only get some goals.”

“Yes Tynelian fans are surely kicking themselves over what-might-have-beens if the team could have knocked in an extra goal or two through this point. Still the team is improving since last Cup a similar streak gained us one draw in four matches, so far they’re at least getting one point out of these shutouts.”

“That’s because Tynelian goal keeping except for the first Dragonnii Inviyatii where they defense imploded has always been the team’s strength since the Baptism of Fire. And they’ve certain lived up to that reputation here. Six shutouts in seven matches and take a look at this list. Liverpool England, New Montreal States, Jerusalem, the Archregimancy and many others, only three and four goals allowed so far, MORE than what Tynelia has allowed so far. Only Rejistania, the original defensive machine has equaled us and only <static cuts over Sal’s headset> Starblaydia has bettered us. But only the Raging Penguins have scored fewer goals than we have and so the team finds itself in a fight for second when they could easily be four or five points ahead of the pack.”

“OK Anna, I think I need a new headset, this set seems a bit staticy lately. Well before we here what Anna has to say about Tynelia’s next match let’s see how the top seeds did with Mike McPhee and the Top Guns.”

“Thanks Sal. The Archregimancy and Rejistania were the only Top Guns that didn’t manage a win here today. Both like Tynelia battled to a scoreless draw. It seems that the top seeds are now asserting themselves because the number of upsets are dwindling as the tournament goes on. The drubbing of the day for the second time in three matchdays is <static again cackles over Sal’s headset> Starblaydia with a 6-0 pounding of Spindomia. With the fewest goals allowed to this point, the greatest goal differential and third most goals in qualifying the defending champs look to be in excellent position to defend their title. Back to you Sal.”

“Ok Mike, I really need a new headset, someone must have dropped this in water or something. Anyway Anna, what’s your outlook on day 1 of the second half where the first rematches are taking place?”

“Obviously Sal, until they prove me wrong I’m going to predict nothing but 0-0 draws for Tynelia for the rest of the Cup, perhaps a 2-12-1 record will be enough to move on but usually you need to get at least twenty points to advance. This should be a game that Tynelia would get up for if anything to avenge their only loss and the only match where they allowed a goal. Vladimar Malloy has had better success against the Right than Amy Whiteworth but it won’t mean a thing if Tynelia can’t score. I think Praying2god right now is kneeling in prayer giving thanks that after their slow start no one has taken advantage of it to move solidly in front other than McPsychoville and that the second spot is still in their grasp. So I believe they will avenge their day 1 defeat to Quakmybush by a 2-0 score. McPsychoville should be able to repeat their win over Bothen by a 3-0 score as the group leaders continue to pull away from everyone. Finally, despite all the complaints about draws here in Tynelia it is Rordia who leads the group with 5 draws and Krajkovia is tied with Tynelia with 4 draws. Needless to say I’m predicting a 1-1 draw here because that’s what these two teams do best.”

“OK then Anna, let’s hope Tynelia rediscovers their scoring touch or at least forces the Atheistic right to knock one in their own net to come away with a win here. They’ve dodged a few bullets but now the number one seeds are breathing down their necks so they need to buckle down now and raise their game another notch on offense. Tune in tonight as our second match with the Atheistic Right takes place and see if we can avenge our only loss to date or if we’ll continue to stumble around and prepare to finish in the middle of the pack once again. As always Tynelian Soccer Weekly’s post game show with Anna and myself will be here right after the whistle blows for our own take on the match. So until then this is Sal Spikeman for Anna Dalespin wishing everyone a good night.

Arbuckle Times-National

Almost

National Stadium Arbuckle,GarfieldTheFat. We almost did folks,We almost beat the top team in Group 5.The Score TNUI 1:0 GTF. the game got started off in poor conditions with rain playing a factor in the game. The only score in the game was from A TNUI Forward who scored on a header. Other than that it was a boring match. Next up should be a Home game against Spruitland at the Pasta Dome in Lasagnia City

VirginiaNova 0

Legalese 2

NOVA RICHMOND- Virginia Nova is looking more and More like they are going to the CoH. This after a 2-0 loss to Legalese. The game was played in Very,very,very Poor conditions as over 2 inches of rain were dumped on Nova Richmond during the 90 minutes played. The game was started at 2:00pm under a Flash Flood warning. and boy,did it pour.In fact after 7:34 they refs had to temporarily stop the game do to the pounding rain. But it didn't get any better for the Eagles as at 14:19 A legalese Midfielder scored on just over Alex Potter. The Eagles had a chance to score on a Jimmy Hellios penelty kick but Hellios slipped trying to kick the ball.at half the score was 1-0Legalese. It didn't get any better as throughout the game the Eagles had trouble with ball control. It's a miracle more goal were scored. The Other Legalese goal came from on of there forwards who scored on a header. The Next game for us is going to be a game in Harelesburg,who we defeated earlier 3:4.

Lunson appointed permanent national manager

The FALE has announced the appointment of current Liverpool England national caretaker manager and current under-21 manager Thomas Lunson full-time to the national job, despite earlier reports that Lunson had rejected the post. Lunson has been signed to a six-year contract, running up to the end of qualification for World Cup 30, and has named his deputy as 73-year-old Gary Accrew, former national fitness coach for both Liverpool England, and for over many years, Fmjphoenix, which recently relented to an FALE request to release Accrew.

Accrew will also temporarily take charge of the national under-21s, however, due to his age this appointment is only on a month-to-month contract, say the FALE. His national job as assistant manager is for only one year, as he is widely expected to either announce his retirement before the start of World Cup 29 proper, or a return to the Fmjphoenix setup, which the FALE has allowed in his contract.

(OOC: Fmj, if you want/need Accrew back, just FYI it's possible to RP this clause in his contract that lets him rejoin you.)

"Can you believe it?"

"Nope."

Sid Briscoe and Albany Plattsburgh were going over the lineup William Branstone had taped up in the locker room. Both of the reserve midfielders were starting, along with Mathieu Brisebois and Théodore Manette. Hugh Faulkner and André Darcy were playing forward. Tomas Beaujeu was keeping. And the regular starters didn't seem perturbed at all.

"You think they knew about it beforehand?"

Plattsburgh cast a glance over to the usual starters, now calmy beginning the traditional pre-match poker game they'd been playing for three cups straight. Van Halen blared from the Bose set Villeneuve and Labranche had sprung for right before WC28.

"Had to have. Look how calmy they be taking it." André Darcy walked over to join his fellow benchwarmers. "So who be ready for our personal baptism of fire out there in front of bloodthirsty Ulyanovans?"

"Been there done that," said Tomas Beaujeu, who'd spent time in net during actual Cup matches in front of the Paladin Dome. "Ain't nobody pulling no shit on us today."

"Wish we were back at the Dome for this," Briscoe mused aloud, to the nods of his fellow newly minted starters. "We'd get to be spanked by threescore exceedingly hot virgins like they always do."

After a short, fairly wistful silence over this lost opportunity, Darcy pulled a deck of cards from his pocket. "So who be up for some poker of our own today?"

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Plattsburgh jogged back to the locker room after the first half winded, but exhilarated. The score was 0-0, and a couple fairly good chances had been missed. He sat down, waiting for Branstone to blow his top at them for, say, Darcy's sending the ball into the stands with the Ulyanovan keeper sprawled on the ground after deflecting Faulkner's shot, or Brisebois messing up an offsides trap that required a miraculous save by Beaujeu to amend.

Instead, Branstone calmly pointed out some of the key things they had missed, and told them they had 20 minutes to pick up a lead before he yanked them for the regulars. Everyone was shocked, but grateful, and the side jogged back out onto the field determined not to let Branstone, or themselves, down.

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Fifteen minutes in, and the Ulyanovans were starting to cave. The Paladins had been pressing hard all half, and both Faulkner and Darcy were peppering the keeper with shots. Plattsburgh was a bit back from them all, trying to shake one of his Ulyanova counterparts.

Darcy took a shot from about twenty feet out and to the left. It dinged off the crossbar. Without even thinking about it, Plattsburg ran forward and headed the ball.

He didn't see what happened, but after the match Briscoe told him it had gone right between the keeper's arms and into the net. All he knew was that he got up and got mobbed by 9 other guys.

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

PALADINS 1 - Plattsburgh 57
ULYANOVA 0

TOURNAMENT SCORING

H. Labranche 4
Villeneuve 3
Faulkner 2
Hunyadi 1
Pilon 1
Plattsburgh 1
Toussaint 1

The Schiavone Scribe
'Mour to celebrate
Risa-Aramour 0-3 Schiavonia

Back-to-back three-nil away victories mean that Schiavonia go into the second half of qualifying with a three point cushion over the non-qualifying positions.

The main man was Jermaine Edwards, who felt he had a point to prove after the controversy in Northern Caesarea. His pace was simply too much for the RA defenders, as they fumbled about helplessly trying to stop him.

His first goal was a superb solo effort, cutting inside his man before wrong-footing the goalkeeper with a cool finish at the near post.

Again, a goal just before half-time knocked the stuffing out of the opponents. This time is was a passing movement from Berry, Sanderson and himself that he converted cooly after running free of the defence.

The third was cheeky, as he appeared from nowhere to disposess a defender, ran 360 degrees around him and curled a spectacular effort past the keeper from the corner of the penalty area.

And so on to Warrior Treblah, who will be there with his horse again, ready to trample on Schiavonia's dreams of qualifying for World Cup 26. Surely he can't ba allowed onto the pitch with that crazy horse again?

Final score
Risa-Aramour 0
Schiavonia 3 (Edwards 7, 43, 68)

Mid-term report

Well, we have reached the half-way stage of World Cup 29, and all over the world, press are releasing their revised views of who will make it to Krytenia and Casari and who will be left floundering at home. Or in the Cup of Harmony, at least. We might even invite them to Schiavonia again!

First of all, a look at the Group Two table, and you'll see that we're not doing too shabbily...

Group 2 Pl W D L F A Pts GD
Fmjphoenix 7 5 1 1 27 8 16 +19
Schiavonia 7 5 1 1 20 7 16 +13
Risa-Aramour 7 4 1 2 11 10 13 +1
Northern Caesarea 7 3 3 1 10 8 12 +2
Vuam and Isma 7 3 1 3 8 7 10 +1
Mr Chuck Norris 7 2 1 4 10 20 7 -10
Warrior Treblah 7 2 0 5 7 21 6 -14
Zychibastan 7 0 0 7 9 21 0 -12

Fmjphoenix and ourselves, Schiavonia are in our expected positions at the head of the group. However, what might be more unexpected is that not only are the two level on points, but that the Vikings have lost points where they might not have expected to, not least in a defeat in Risa-Aramour. We would expect that kind of thing to be cut out during the second half of the campaign, and the top two to now march on to the finals.

Not least because their nearest rivals are Risa-Aramour and Northern Caesarea. The big surprise package of the group are RA, who have somehow sneaked into the top three, and were even level on points with the leaders until the Sloths put them back in their place. They looked a poor outfit in our game against them, and would expect them to fall down the table slightly during the next seven games. Ceasarea are in a good position, though, and we expect the lying little rascals to hold on for a place in the top half at the end of the group.

Vuam and Isma are our prediction to eventually finish in third. They have been a little unpredictable so far, but with a bit of consistancy they should have been challenging for a place in the finals. Expect a second-half surge.

The same will hopefully come for Mr Chuck Norris, who have struggled for any kind of form this campaign. We're usually big fans of the Fighting Norris here in Schiavonia, but we sadly can't see them getting any higher in the table than fifth, although we'd love to be proved wrong.

It could be argued that MCN's poor form is down to them being a one-man team. However, it is a stone cold fact that Warrior Trablah's position is definately because of that, although he has chalked up two wins against a flabbergasted Mr Chuck Norris and a team we aren't sure know how to play the game, Zychibastan.

No points as yet for them, as they languish six points behind a man riding a horse. Perhaps someone should send a rules official over there to explain how the whole concept works.

Anyway, onto the bigger picture, and researchers in Spaam have come up with the following table, showing the teams in qualifying positions rankings within the group.

SEED 1st 2nd Total
1 12 2 14
2 3 10 13
3 0 1 1
4 0 1 1
5 0 0 0
6 0 0 0
7 0 0 0
8 0 1 1

Now, the Schiavone Assocciation for Fairness and Equality (SAFE) have gone one further and presented an extended version of that table, which looks like this.

SEED 1st 2nd 3rd 4th 5th 6th 7th 8th Average
1 12 2 0 0 0 1 0 0 1.47
2 3 9 1 1 1 0 0 0 2.20
3 0 2 9 1 3 0 0 0 3.33
4 0 1 3 2 0 6 3 0 5.07
5 0 0 0 7 6 0 1 1 4.87
6 0 0 1 1 3 4 2 4 6.13
7 0 0 0 2 1 0 6 6 6.87
8 0 1 1 1 1 4 3 4 6.07

Official SAFE Statement
Of course, this table doesn't account for an effect that the hosts like to call "RP Bonus", though what effect that has on the players, we're not quite sure. What we can tell you is that the fourth seeds in groups are being screwed over in favour of the fifth seeds, and that below that it seems to be a genuine free-for-all. This doesn't seem fair to us, so we have been in contact with the Schiavonia/Qutar hosting bid committee to give them our best recommendations to remedy this should they be fortuate enough to ever get around to finally host a cup. When we told them, though, they tond us they'd already thought of that. They're Schiavones, of course, so niceties and fairness are only to be expected. Perhaps we should have known better on that front.

AwalKB National Football Association Newsletter
Cup of Harmony, Here we come!!

That's right ladies and gentleman, the only realistic chance in qualifying for the 29th World Cup finals is if we win the majority of our last 7 games! Our current record (playing the same teams) during World Cup qualifying is 2-1-4. Assuming we keep this record we will end up with a total of 14 points which won't even qualify us as the standing in Group 3 are at the moment.

Group 3 Standings:


Group 3 GP W T L PTS GD GF GA
Starblaydia 7 7 0 0 21 22 23 1
Bettia 7 4 2 1 14 7 14 7
Legalese 7 3 3 1 12 0 9 9
Virginia Nova 7 2 2 3 8 -6 10 16
AwalKB 7 2 1 4 7 -1 12 13
Sexy Games 7 2 1 4 7 -8 7 15
Harlesburg 7 1 2 4 5 -4 11 15
Spindomia 7 0 3 4 3 -10 4 14

Starblaydia retains a perfect record as our team was totally screwed in the last second by a completely crap call by the provided assistant referee.

Bettia stifly holds second place in the group with 14 points losing only to the undefeated Starblaydia.

Legalese has rebounded to third place after a slow start against the Sex Gods who came out of the match with an unexpected draw.

Virginia Nova holds themselves one point above AwalKB with 8 points after the first 7 matches of the tournament.

AwalKB and Sexy Games currently reside at a completely crappy 5th place each with a record of 2-1-4. The Sexy Games squad coming out unranked and therefore their talent was unexpected, it is assured that on their second run with each of these teams they'll have a much harder time.

Harlesburg and Spindimonia take up the the final two spots in the group. Harlesburg with only 1 win and Spindimonia recieving all its points from three draws.

Sex God Schedule:


Loss Draw Win Not Played
Match Day 1- Legalese vs. AwalKB -- Draw 2-2
Day 2- AwalKB vs. Harlesburg -- Loss 1-3
Day 3- AwalKB vs. Virginia Nova -- Loss 2-3
Day 4- Sexy Games vs. AwalKB -- Win 1-5
Day 5- Spindomina vs. AwalKB -- Win 1-2
Day 6- AwalKB vs. Starblaydia -- Loss 0-1
Day 7- AwalKB vs. Bettia -- Loss 0-2
Day 8- AwalKB vs. Legalese -- NP
Day 9- Harlesburg vs. AwalKB -- NP
Day 10- Virginia Nova vs. AwalKB -- NP
Day 11- AwalKB vs. Sexy Games -- NP
Day 12- AwalKB vs. Spindomina -- NP
Day 13- Starblaydia vs. AwalKB -- NP
Day 14- Bettia vs. AwalKB -- NP

On Match Day Seven, the Sex Gods explored their most recent defeat against Bettia, upon which we are so sick of reporting on defeats, that we just aren't going to tell you what happened, unless of course you were in AwalK City stadium, then we're positive that you already know.

Look out next week for our latest issue, most likely concerning AwalKB's entrance into the Cup of Harmony.

Uphill Battle!
From the Haraki News Network, Print Edition

Sam Sherman, System Karela. Although in several past games the Hawks have performed well, they stand now at a pivotal crossroads. At halfway through qualifying, the Hawks are fifth in the group, four points behind fourth seed Becquerelia in second. It will be an uphill battle for the Hawks to qualify, following a 1-0 loss to System Karela last night.

Vargas has announced several changes halfway through to try and shake up Haraki's defence. Chris O'Hara will be starting every game until further notice, hopefully to change things up in the net and give Mark Stone a break. Defender Gary Willis has been removed from the team altogether and the #3, centre-back defender position is being given to first alternate Rebecca Disano. Coming onto the team to fill Disano's reserve spot is Alexandra Peterson, the daughter of former Hawks defender Owen Peterson. At nineteen she will be one of the youngest players on the team, and will be the third U21 player on the national team. Lastly, Luke Ford will not be starting any more games but will take his familiar place on the bench in favour of Theo Angelica, the U21 midfield sensation who will be taking over Ford's position. Vargas is hoping these three simple changes can make a big enough difference to the team to close the four point difference between Haraki and second place Becquerelia and win Haraki a spot in World Cup 29.

However, it will be an uphill battle. The Hawks are three games into their tough seven-game series. In the enxt seven games to finish off qualifying, the Hawks have three away and four home games, one of which is against group 1st seed Audioslavia, who trounced Haraki 4-1 in their last encounter. It will be an uphill battle for the Hawks, but while they are fighting their way back up the four point difference, all the other teams will be doing their best to beat the Hawks as well. It's going to be a tough ride, folks.

Perhaps Group 4 would best have been titled the Group of Death.

1. Cuéllar

17. Heredia
21. Perea
15. Molinero
3. Martinet

24. Novo
13. Vizcaíno
8. Ríos
18. Zeamendi

23. Salmerón
9. Alcántara

Called in:

25. Víctor
22. Ibañez
6. Begines
14. Caminero
7. Bermúdez
20. Toledo

The Independent
Home to the Best News of the Southern Republic

Pjan Blows Up
Expresses irritation after Schiavonia loss, but not at team

Central District - Risa-Aramour's second ever coach, former Chicanadan international Olani Pjan, had some curt words for the press after reports from Schiavonia downplayed les longhorns surprising run in their second ever try at the Finals.

"When you have a team that played the entire 90 minutes last week in addition to league play here and in Chicanada, playing "flat" can happen," Pjan said to about 40 reporters in the post interview. "The team was definitly tired but that did not hurt them going into the Fmjphoenix game and it won't hurt in the next match [against Vuam and Isla]."

Her irritation came after reports from the Schiavone Scribe reported "They looked a poor outfit in our game against them, and would expect them to fall down the table slightly during the next seven games." Ever the true believer, Pjan said she felt the team had proven their improvements already in the opening session, only loosing twice and having both those losses at home - to Schiavonia as well as Mr Chuck Norris. While the three road games were against weaker opponents and V&I, Pjan pointed out that the squad in their first appearance lost those "easy" games and never played well against the more difficult opposition.

"Beating Fmjphoenix, even at home, shows how much progress has been made. As for being a poor side, if Fmjphoneix's reserves and subs couldn't help salvage a tie or win, does that make them a weak lot? It's ridiculous."

While the mood in the press room was foul, the mood around the Commonwealth was still in a celebratory mood. Many in the three capitals (Sajavailza, Colombo and Tiraspol) took the day off to watch the longhorns in their 3-0 loss and the National Stadia was up to capacity - 56,000 - for the first time since Sfaxen's Commonwealth Cup victory last year.

The next macth for Pjan's Boys is at Governess Palace in the Risian capital, Colombo. They did win against their next opponent, Vuam and Isla, 2-0 in their first game and hope to rebound after their iffy lost that apparently makes the squad look more "weak" and prime to collapse.

Risa-Aramour Official Schedule
MD01- W 2-0 Vuam and Isma
MD02- L 2-3 Mr Chuck Norris (Renault Field, Tiraspol, South Republic)
MD03- T 1-1 Northern Caesarea (Northern Shore Arena, Peace Harbor, Aramour Kingdom)
MD04- W 3-2 Zychibastan
MD05- W 1-0 Warrior Treblah
MD06- W 2-1 Fmjphoenix (National Stadium, Central District) T 1st
MD07- L 0-3 Schiavonia (National Stadium, Central District) 3rd
MD08- v Vuam and Isma (Governess Palace, Colombo, Risian Kingdom)
MD09- @ Mr Chuck Norris
MD10- @ Northern Caesarea
MD11- v Zychibastan (Blackbird Coast Stadium, Sajavailza, Aramour Kingdom)
MD12- v Warrior Treblah (Eden Stadium, Rosa City)
MD13- @ Fmjphoenix
MD14- @ Schiavonia

ooc: Roster hopefully up shortly.

And we turn back around to see what's behind us:


http://www.geocities.com/becquerelia/images/becquerelia.gif Becquerelia - 3__________1 - Elves Security Forces http://www.geocities.com/becquerelia/images/elvessecurity.gif


BLACK CATS STAND THE HEAT
Marauder Own Goal, Late Scoring Burst Lead To Victory


RAYNOR CITY, ESF (JNS) - While the first half was mostly the sole possession of Elves Security Forces, from the 41st minute on, Becquerelia dominated, winning 3-1, and finishing off the first half of qualifying in style.

Playing in the stifling-hot "Battleground" enclosed-arena, the Black Cats earned a goal off a Marauder player before the half, and Gregory Conveniencia and Daniel Abigantus scored in the final four minutes of regular play to give Becquerelia their biggest victory in the World Cup qualifying phase.

"We're happy, no doubt about it." Said Assisstant Coach Peter Constantine. "I think the offensive set-up is really starting to click. You have to expect that anytime you change styles like we did that there would be some hiccups. I'm sure we've got those out of the way and can be on our way."

One surprise from the Elves Security Forces game was the lack of intensity in the play of Ambrose Wainwright. Known for his angry on-field outbursts and rough play, he was never the less beat by Harden Swent in a one-on-one that in earlier days would have led to Swent writhing on the ground in pain and Wainwright being sent off with a red card.

"It was a bad game, and that certainly won't happen again." Said a embarressed Ambrose Wainwright after the game. "No more of this "aged" or "older" or "over-the-hill" nonsense. I'm not going to just lay down and die. You'll see that for sure next game."


Becquerelia's Current Results and Upcoming Schedule
Home Team Last
WIN DRAW LOSS
MD01: Spaamanian Plijous - 1 Becquerelia - 0
MD02: Becquerelia - 2 System Karela - 1
MD03: Becquerelia - 1 Intyny - 2
MD04: Becquerelia - 1 Audioslavia - 0
MD05: Haraki - 0 Becquerelia - 1
MD06: Cuation - 2 Becquerelia - 0
MD07: Becquerelia - 3 Elves Security Forces - 1
MD08: Becquerelia (4-0-3) at Spaamanian Plijous (1-4-2)
MD09: System Karela (2-1-4) at Becquerelia (4-0-3)
MD10: Intyny (1-3-3) at Becquerelia (4-0-3)
MD11: Audioslavia (6-0-1) at Becquerelia (4-0-3)
MD12: Becquerelia (4-0-3) at Haraki (2-2-3)
MD13: Becquerelia (4-0-3) at Cuation (3-2-2)
MD14: Elves Security Forces (3-0-4) at Becquerelia (4-0-3)


Off the Becquerelian Shared Press:


SPONSER ANNOUNCED FOR FOOTBALL BROADCASTS

Centrifuge Sports announced today that all broadcasts of Becquerelian National Team football matches will be presented by the Witton Tourism Bureau.

Witton announced just recently a new advertising campaign promoting the city, it's status as Becquerelia's entertainment capital, and it's businesses. In addition, they will be using the broadcasts to promote the cities new slogan: "Witton: Where Dreams Come True."

The matches, dubbed "Becquerelia Soccer Presented by Witton," will begin immediatly.

Chuck Norris News
For All Of Your Fighting Norris Coverage

Finally! A win for the Fighting Norris after four consecutive losses has finally come. It's true it may have taken a trip to a completely winless Zychibastan team, but a win is a win in our eyes. Put simply:

Mr Chuck Norris (Chuck Norris 49, 54, 59)
Zychibastan (Trevor Griggs 7, 12)

Since Zychibastan plays a 3-4-3, the Fighting Norris decided to move Chuck Norris back a bit to play a 3-4-3 of their own. This in effect shifted the match to a more of a man-to-man type of play, one in which Bob Janney, coach of the Fighting Norris, thought he could win with. Unfortuantely, the slump would take a bit more than a formation shift to break. As the match started, Zychibastan began to dominate in every aspect of the game as so many of the Fighting Norris' opponents had done before. By the twelfth minute, Trevor Griggs of Zychibastan had already racked up two for his team and the Fighting Norris were beginning to doubt their talent more than ever. As so many teams before them had done, Zychibastan decided to shift to a defensive strategy after this two goal lead was accumulated. This was suprisingly effective and by the time the first half was up, Zychibastan was still up 2-0 over the depressed Fighting Norris.

However, a fifth straight loss was not acceptable, especially against a non-ranked team like Zychibastan. So during halftime, Bob Janney informed the team of the Fighting Norris' new strategy. Although we'd like to share with all of you what it was, we have been supressed by the Fighting Norris organization due to its effectiveness. However, we can tell you that it tore apart Zychibastan in every way, shape, and form. After just 14 minutes in the second half, Chuck Norris managed to log three goals and put the Fighting Norris up. Now the Fighting Norris had to do what they've never been good at doing, defense. A 30-minute defensive stand was all that stood between the Fighting Norris and the end of a losing streak that has been too long. As all of you viewers know, this defensive stand worked and the Fighting Norris ran away with the match 3-2.

The Schedule of The Fighting Norris for World Cup 29
Matchday 1: Vs Northern Caesarea (Draw 2-2)
Matchday 2: At Risa-Aramour (Win 3-2)
Matchday 3: At Warrior Treblah (Loss 0-1)
Matchday 4: At Fmjphoenix (Loss 1-8)
Matchday 5: Vs Schiavonia (Loss 0-2)
Matchday 6: Vs Vuam and Isma (Loss 1-3)
Matchday 7: At Zychibastan (Win 3-2)
Matchday 8: At Northern Caesarea
Matchday 9: Vs Risa-Aramour
Matchday 10: Vs Warrior Treblah
Matchday 11: Vs Fmjphoenix
Matchday 12: At Schiavonia
Matchday 13: At Vuam and Isma
Matchday 14: Vs Zychibastan

The Fighting Norris' World Cup 29 Record: (2-1-4)

GRAHAM CITY SUN - Sports Section

Stars Blow Lead Against Mrkvejnia

MRKVEJNIA - In a country with fewer vowels then the word 'the' the Stars thought they had finally found their groove. And for the first half, it certainly looked that way. Continuing their form from the Collonial game, the Stars jumped out to the lead with great play from the midfield, with Mackallen and Djukashenki, who has looked increasing impressive and likely to dislodge Kingston from his starting spot, controlling the flow and pace of the game, allowing the Stars to hang back and then engage in increasingly dangerous surgical strikes behind the Mrkvejnian defence. After twenty minutes of continous threatening of the goal, the Stars finnaly managed to put one in. Bloudin took a long pass from Yulaniche, and powered past the defence to place on top corner near post off of his right foot, arcing over Skunj without much of a chance. The game continued in this fashion for most of the game until the fateful moment, when Djukashenki's inexperience led to a bad pass and gave the Mrkvejnians there only shot on goal in the game, which Vloslav eagerly put in the back of the net, tieing the game up. The Stars were unable to answer, despite repeated attempts at the goal mouth.

"Our finishing today was suspect, that's it. We played an excellent match, controlled the ball flow and pace, we just simply could not finish." said veteran Bloudin after the game. "We played an excellent game," said second half sub Elliot Deldier, "I don't understand why we can't win. It's like a curse or something. I've seen this team work so hard day in and day out, yet we can't get the results. It's ridiculous. We need to focus and make sure that luck is the only thing keeping us from succeeding, which was far from the case in the first half of qualifying."

FINALSCORE
The Lowland Clans - 1
Mrkvejnia - 1

First Half ReCap!

GROUP 1 - Everyone is where there supposed to be in this group. Rorysville's disappointing performance notwithstanding, the group should remain relatively unchanged with no team seriously challenging either the Sqourn or D2R

GROUP 2 - This is really anyone's group at this point. Risa-Aramour is the huge surprise, with the Fighting Norris displaying a dissapointing play that really took us all out of nowhere. We're pick Risa-Aramour to continue there fine play and upset qualify over Schiavonia

GROUP 3 - Harlesburg looks like they are increasingly fading, and Virginia Nova is not in a qualifying spot, for which almost everyone is thanking the football gods for. Look for Starblaydia to continue dominating the group.

GROUP 4 - Well this is certainly an upset group. Things are all jumbled up, with the non-ranked side looking like an entirely reasonable team to qualify. We won't even dare try to pick qualifiers from this group, because it's gonna get messy fast. Only the 'slaves look secure from the gods gone crazy.

GROUP 5 - Swilatia's offense is great. Shame that it's defence is Abysmali. Look for Spruitland to continue their stint atop the group, with the Macabees just missing out to TnUI for the second qualifying spot.

GROUP 6 - Move along, nothing to see here. the Tadjiks and Nedalia will qualify, despite attempts from Iansisle to pull an upset.

GROUP 7 - Sarzonia and Rejistania, two traditional footballing powers will look to sweep this group and dogfihgt it out for first place.

Second half of the groups to come soon!

The National Informant



The Team continues its Streak

After grueling game against the Zucchinnis, The Team once agian failed to score. It was predictable, really; The Team barely knows the rules of football - indeed, they make up many of their own, and after Furious Porridge was taken out of the game due to a head-on collision with Carel Hals(who was stunned for a few minutes, but returned shortly after), The Team really had no chance of winning. Apparently, Captain ABSOLUT LUNATIC must have seen this, and decided that the new strategy was to attack the other team with as much energy as they had after facing the Oxen in the CoH 28. The damage to both sides was considerable, after it became apparent that the Zucchinnis were too stressed to be beaten up, and began to vent their collective spleen upon The Team. We've never before seen Wild Penguin retreat from a fight, but after García and Aristide began to gang up on the small bird, Wild fled.

During the first half, the Zucchinis scored once, early in the match. After numeous penalties, Devious Penguin's newest killing machine's ill-fated rampage, and the referee calling for back-up, The Team was ejected from their own field, while crews of custodians cleaned up the pitch. After the smoking remains of the Dangerously Armed Eradication Tank(D.E.A.T.) were removed from the playing space, the first half continued for another five, uneventful minutes.

The second half was exciting and somewhat violent, but remained goalless until Nakamura managed to kick the ball high over DMYS's gloopy shape and perform a very fancy kick which involved a backflip and a somersault, which landed the ball in the net. After that, The Team regrouped near the net and(with the exception of Wild Penguin) remained there for the rest of the game.

The Team no longer has the theoretical chance of qualifying, which they will never get so long as they remain woefully inept. Now they can focus on hurting their opponants as much as possible, which is probably a great relief for many of them. They are also ranked third from last in this qualifying round, which is surprising, because we were sure they'd be dead last, but they still can get that low in the following games. After all, they've failed to score at all for the last four games.

Fmjphoenix rights the ship, sink Warrior Treblah 5-1

Goals came easily today, with five different goal scorers, the Vikings got more than enough goals to support Justin Keys getting himself back into form as Fmjphoenix overpowered Warrior Treblah 5-1 to end the first half of qualifying on a good note.

They saying goes that third times a charm, and that is how it seems for the Vikings. Brian Dougood started the scoring, netting a 20 foot shot that caught Warrior Treblah's keeper off guard in the 20th minute. It didn't take long for the second goal to come. Laura Boyd launched a pass that traveled at least 30 feet to the head of Andrew Jenkins, who sent the ball right past the keeper a bare three minutes after the first goal. Boyd would score her own goal much later in the match, beating the keeper on a penalty kick in the 83rd minute that would end the scoring for the day.

Ridley Silverlake sent the Vikings up to the 3-0 lead, running across the right side of the pitch with the closest defender about 4 feet behind her. This time the passing player was Andrew Jenkins, dropping the ball right in front of Silverlake as she fired it home in the 30th minute. Warrior Treblah managed to respond to Ridley's goal, returning for their lone goal in the 37th minute. Scoring the 5th goal for Fmjphoenix would be Mike Nolan, hitting home in the 43rd minute when a bad pass between keeper and defender was intercepted by him.

Now that the first half of qualification is over with, things are very unsettled in Group 2, as any team could still run away with it, as Schivonia is even with the Vikings and the upstarters in Risa-Aramour are only 3 points back. The second half will be very interesting. Fmjphoenix heads to Zychibastan for their fourth on the road. Look for the Vikings to try and repeat their 5-1 scoreline again to help gain a bigger lead in the group.

Warrior Treblah 1 -5 Fmjphoenix
Forward 38-Dougood 20, Jenkins 23, Silverlake 30, Nolan 43, Boyd 83

World Cup 29 Qualification
------------------------------------------------------------
MD01: Fmjphoenix 5 - 1 Zychibastan
MD02: Fmjphoenix 4 - 2 Schiavonia
MD03: Vaum and Isma 0 - 3 Fmjphoenix
MD04: Fmjphoenix 8 - 1 Mr Chuck Norris
MD05: Northern Caesarea 1 - 1 Fmjphoenix
MD06: Risa-Aramour 2 - 1 Fmjphoenix
MD07: Warrior Treblah 1 - 5 Fmjphoenix
MD08: Zychibastan ? - ? Fmjphoenix
MD09: Schiavonia ? - ? Fmjphoenix
MD10: Fmjphoenix ? - ? Vaum and Isma
MD11: Mr Chuck Norris ? - ? Fmjphoenix
MD12: Fmjphoenix ? - ? Northern Caesarea
MD13: Fmjphoenix ? - ? Risa-Aramour
MD14: Fmjphoenix ? - ? Warrior Treblah
------------------------------------------------------------
Record: 5-1-1
------------------------------------------------------------
Goal Scorers:
M. Nolan - 12
B. Dougood - 4
J. Russell - 3
S. Timmett - 3
R. Silverlake - 3
A. Jenkins - 2

Elven Times
Do We Do?

Halfway through the qualifying process the Marauders are sitting pretty in the 4th spot in Group 4. The race for the 2nd qualfying spot is tight with Becquerelia having 12 points, Caution next, the Marauders with 9, and Haraki with 8. Anyone of these teams deserves to be in the World Cup finals, and it is sad that only one of these teams will be able to advance. The Marauders won't have an easy time with 4 of the remaining games being away including two concsecutive in the late stages. First off they will have to face the groups tops seed Audioslavia in Gladerial at the White Fortress. Takiing on the slaves wont be easy as they sit in first right now and are looking pretty comfortable to advance. In order for the Marauders to suceed, they will need to score more, as they have on 12 goals in their first seven games. Kyla Night and Zacharius have been doing their share, but its the role players that havn't been able to find the back of the net. Cuellar and Tatum are going to have to find their form, and St Louis have more consistant games in net.

Updated Schedule
Win Loss Draw
Matchday 1: Audioslavia 4 V 2 Marauders
Matchday 2: Marauders 3 V 0 Spammanian Plijous
Matchday 3: Haraki 6 V 1 Marauders
Matchday 4: Marauders 2 V 0 System Karela
Matchday 5: Cuation 4 V 0 Marauders
Matchday 6: Marauders 3 V 0 Intyny
Matchday 7: Marauders 1 V 3 Becquerelia
Matchday 8: Marauders V Audioslavia
Matchday 9: Spaamanian Plijous V Marauders
Matchday 10: Marauders V Haraki
Matchday 11: System Karela V Marauders
Matchday 12: Marauders V Cuation
Matchday 13: Intyny V Marauders
Matchday 14: Becquerelia V Marauders

Goal Scorers
Kyla Night - 5
Zacharius - 4
Harden Swent - 2
Nikali Rikard - 1

Article by Ron Santapa

Since this match was a Lastleaguematch of the worst sort, here is a joke, Rejistanis make about the away-weakness of their national team:
What is dual citizenship? - Leaving the nation as rejistanian, arriving at the venue of the match as System Karelan!

Or more detailled:

Can't we win a thing while away?
Away games seem to be the new nemesis of the rejistanian team. Which is bad since the world cup is not hosted in Rejistania. But wether the Rejistanis qualify is a totally different issue since until now, they won every match on home soil by a +1 goal difference and drew every away game scorelessly. While the Sarzonia match was a fast-paced match in which the goals where nailed, the match against Tecpatl was a slow and horrible affair, the match at this weird city in the nation of Aigosthena (whereever that is located) was a horrible festival of spoiled chances, flanks going into nowhere, passes reaching the opponents with high precision and 100% chances, which were not. We at the National believe, that there is an evil conspiracy behind it - or that Seletarakeledira Hanselijimijile is simply inept. The latter has a slightly higher chance to be possible.

And thus begins the second half of qualifying.

MD8 CUT-OFF

THE ARCHREGIMANCY BRINGS YOU

WORLD CUP TONIGHT

With Fr. Nicholas the Scribe and Fr. John the Golden-Throated


"So.... Fr. John.... Have you been enjoying our recent two-match break?"

"Absolutely, Fr. Nicholas. It's given me a couple of days away from the heady drama of World Cup commentary to spend some time in prayerful reflection and fasting"

"Something which the national football team might benefit from...."

"I know, Fr. Nicholas, I know.... two consecutive 0-0 draws against the worst two teams in the group. I wish I had highlights to show you, but quite frankly the last two matches have been dire. That dramatic victory against Tessan - the dramatisation of which is still playing in Becqueralia, by the way, though I'm not so sure I approve of the theatre myself - seems to have drained the lads. Fr. David hasn't been the same since he single-handedly dragged us back into contention against Tessan. Fr. Silouan of the Seventy Caves has lacked his usual cutting edge in front of goal, and Fr. Andrew and Fr. Pavel on the wings lack a certain flair. At least our back four have remained solid."

"If I can interrupt, Fr. John, it's almost as if Coach Kyrill, Metropolitan of Solovetsky, is so afraid of underestimating the opposition that he's become too respectful of the minnows in the group"

"Absolutely, Fr. Nicholas. Absolutely. And I have to question this timidity. Is this in the true spirit of monastic football? What would have happened if the apostles had cowered in Jerusalem, afraid of the Roman authorities after the ascencion of Our Saviour? What would have happened if the Holy Martyrs had renounced the Lord in fear during the Great Persecution? What would have happened if Saints Cyril and Methodius had been too afraid of the opposition they might have faced to have gone forth to convert the Slavs? Granted, the long history of Orthodoxy does perhaps engender a certain reflexive defensiveness among some of us, but nothing ventured, nothing gained. We should be beating Third England and Iaukea, not playing them to 0-0 draws."

"So should Coach Kyrill go, Fr. John?"

"A bit too soon for that, Fr. Nicholas. We have crucial matches against both Milchama, who are due a good result, and Chicanada, who are now leading the group, to come. And let's not forget the foul heathen excelites of Kaze Progressa, who are just sitting over our shoulder in third. If we can get good results here, no damage done. Bad results, and the prayerful soul-searching can begin."

"And meanwhile, on Orthodox watch..... Our former co-hosts New Montreal States seem to be cruising towards qualification, and the Boyars of Magnus Valerius are in a tight 3-way tie for second.... exciting stuff!"

"Thank you, Fr. Nicholas. In the meantime, stay tuned for another exciting episode of Famous Saints here on Monastic TV. Tonight, Fr. Nicomedius the Historian celebrates The Transfer of the Relics of the Holy Martyrs, Unmercenaries and Wonderworkers, Cyrus and John from the city of Konopa to the nearby village of Manuphin in 412 AD....."

Virginia Nova 2
Harelesburg 1



NOVA RICHMOND We did it again folks. We beat Harlesburg. This time a 1-2 win. This game was an afternoon game started at 4:15. The action was started at at 12:19 when Micheal Nuvelis tried to kick one in but failed to get it past Potter. David Weiner Also tried but couldn't get his penelty shot off. Halftime the game was tied at 0-0 when at 46:57 Harold freemont scored another goal of another Jimmy hellios assist. VN struck quickly again with a goal this time from Adam Neppi. Harelesburg Did score,this coming from David Weiner. buit it was to late as the clocke wound down and The Eagkes won 2-1.

Chuck Norris News
For All Of Your Fighting Norris Coverage

Mr Chuck Norris 1 (OJ Pimpson 24)
Northern Caesarea 1 (Alcántara 86)

Well... at least it's not a loss right? Let's face it though, the Fighting Norris are finished and are looking forward to the Cup of Harmony already. They're nine points out of qualification already and five points behind places 3-5 in their group. Hopefully the Cup of Harmony won't be as hard on them, but only time will tell. Anyway, let's get to the match review:

As Northern Caesarea plays a 4-4-2 and The Fighting Norris play a 3-4-3, eveyone knew that this was going to be an evenly-matched low-scoring game. This is probably why the 1-1 final score came as a suprise to no one. The match started slowly, with somewhat of a stalemate at midfield. However, as time progressed, OJ Pimpson and The Burger King began to find seems in the Northern Caesarea defense and pull off some good shots. With Northern Caesarea keeping the Fighting Norris forwards heavily covered, the only way to effectively advance on the Northern Caesarea goal was with the outermost aforementioned midfielders. It was finally in the 24th minute when OJ Pimpson was able to hook one into the net to put the Fighting Norris up.

The rest of the first half continued to be somewhat of a stalemate with the Fighting Norris reducing thier offensive push. However, it was noticible how fast the energy of the Fighting Norris was waning as they began to fall to Northern Caesarea's speed. Halftime was welcomed with open arms, a good chance to rest. It seemed to have worked at first as the Fighting Norris were once again back on their feet, but it only lasted for so long. The Fighting Norris defense began to bow and Northern Caesarea began to penetrate deeper into Fighting Norris territory. The bottom fell out when Alcántara scored the equalizer for Northern Caesarea in the 86th minute. So close to victory and the Fighting Norris blew it once again. We can only hope the Fighting Norris fair well in this upcoming three-game home stretch, or its the Cup of Harmony once again for them.

The Schedule of The Fighting Norris for World Cup 29
Matchday 1: Vs Northern Caesarea (Draw 2-2)
Matchday 2: At Risa-Aramour (Win 3-2)
Matchday 3: At Warrior Treblah (Loss 0-1)
Matchday 4: At Fmjphoenix (Loss 1-8)
Matchday 5: Vs Schiavonia (Loss 0-2)
Matchday 6: Vs Vuam and Isma (Loss 1-3)
Matchday 7: At Zychibastan (Win 3-2)
Matchday 8: At Northern Caesarea (Draw 1-1)
Matchday 9: Vs Risa-Aramour
Matchday 10: Vs Warrior Treblah
Matchday 11: Vs Fmjphoenix
Matchday 12: At Schiavonia
Matchday 13: At Vuam and Isma
Matchday 14: Vs Zychibastan

The Fighting Norris' World Cup 29 Record: (2-2-4)

The Hawks had taken the field in Intyny fairly dejected. In fifth place in the group, their only hope was a string of away victories, possibly including a home against Audioslavia. Facing the seventh seed, who had managed a 1-1 tie last time, the Hawks didn't look inspired taking the field. However, they seemed to gain some momentum as the game went on, scoring several goals for a 3-1 victory.

The first half had played out fairly simply. Samantha Ribald was yellow carded at twenty minutes for a particularly aggressive tackle, but struck back at thirty when she scored the only goal of the first half. Chris O'Hara launched a long goal kick out to the midfield, where some fancy passing, especially by Thomas Neils, managed to get Ribald in a perfect scoring position, where she launched a shot from inside the penalty box into the back of the net past a diving keeper for 1-0 Hawks.

The half ended fifteen minutes later with no new goals, but soon into the second half it heated up a lot. Some aggressive midfield tackles, desperate not to concede another disappointing loss, led Intyny down the field until finally Werner Vittenbach tackled a forward iniside the penalty box, O'Hara simply couldn't stop the resultant penalty kick, and Intyny had managed an equalizer ten minutes into the second half.

As the half wore on, it looked as if the Hawks might have had to settle for another 1-1 tie, which would have been an auspicious game to go into their home game against Audioslavia. However, in the last fifteen minutes Haraki took off. The Intyny keeper barely managed to punch a shot by Julie Vern past the post, and off the resulting corner kick Richard Weber simply tipped it into the side of the net with his left foot. Then, with five minutes left in the game, Haraki's midfields, who the game had been all about, managed a third goal. Thomas Neils and Julie Vern, passing back and forth, made their way up, looking for an opening, until Neils found one on the outside. Rushing his way around the defender, he managed to kick a nice shot just past the defender's side, under a flailing leg trying to block the shot, and the keeper jumped for it only to have it go just past his hands. Haraki had put away a two goal lead with barely any time left, and ended the game comfortably.

The game was all about Haraki's midfields, with them recording all three of Haraki's goals and managing very nice constant passing in the centre of the field to maintain possession and allow for scoring chances. Now, with the first of their second half games finished, they had to look ahead to their home game against Audioslavia, which would surely be one of the toughest they would face in a long time.

Haraki 3 - Intyny 1

Ribald (30)
(52) Forward 'A' (penalty)
Weber (76)
Neils (83)

Woodstock Daily Mail

Ryan Calvin

A chip off the old block

Aigosthena, 28 JUNE 2006 -- Just four years ago, Brian Wilson was still plying his trade as an active player on the Woodstock Wild's reserve side even though his days as the star forward and Sarzonian national football team's all-time leading goalscorer had long since passed. His father, Dave Wilson, was plugging away in his double duty as the national team coach and the chairman of the Incorporated Football Federation.

It's hard to imagine that in that period between Sarzonia's 0-3 record in the World Cup XXVIII finals and now that things would have changed so dramatically. Dave Wilson is now retired from coaching the national team, choosing instead to remain as the IFF chairman and hire a technical director. The team originally chose Brett Hancock to serve as the national team coach, but fired him for reasons that only now are coming to light.

"There was a matter of insubordination," Dave Wilson said of the decision to fire Hancock. "I told him that we would hire a technical director who would be making the decisions about which players to invite to training with the senior national team and would be responsible for all player personnel decisions outside of the training facility. Brett refused to accept that reduction in role, even when I explained to him that I would have taken that same deal. He gave me an ultimatum and I didn't have a choice.

But the decision to hire Mark Wingate as the national team coach, a man who was little known heading into the interview process, was a bit of a surprise to most observers, including Brian Wilson himself.

"I knew Mark's qualifications were rock solid. He's the only coach who's managed to bring real success to the Portland Timbers and massage enough egos over there to get them to play like a team," Brian Wilson said. "But he's normally not a big personality. He usually just gets the Timbers to do their jobs and that's it. He's been more active with the national team."

One of the conditions for being offered the job was that Wingate would have to take on Brian Wilson as his top assistant coach, but Wingate said that he would have lobbied for Brian Wilson to be his assistant coach.

"I knew coming in that this team would be completely different from any Sarzonian team we had before this. There were always a core group of players who were untouchable in the past, and this time, we didn't have any of that," Wingate said. "I thought in all honesty that we needed to have at least some link to the glory days of the past, and who better to have serve as that link than the all-time leading scorer in Sarzonian history?"

Wingate, who served the second match of his two game suspension with Sarzonia's 0:3 win over Aigosthena, will return to the team in time to face Rejistania at Bryan Marshall Stadium in Woodstock. The team played to a 0:0 draw in Rejistania, but Wingate said the team wouldn't do "anything exotic" to face the Orange-Blues.

"Remember that we don't have that streak of never having beaten Rejistania," Wingate pointed out. "The whole mystery of how to beat them isn't there, but make no mistake. They're an outstanding team. They aren't the eighth ranked team in the world and they don't have the most World Cups of any nation for nothing. They're going to be a very tough nut to crack."

Brian Wilson should know: His Stars teams were a major part of that streak of winless matches against the Orange-Blues. His Wild teams also had trouble against Hetkali Hetaki, one of the few Rejistanian sides that played attack-oriented football. However, he said the pressure is squarely on the Orange-Blues.

"They've played, what three straight matches without a victory? We're five points clear of them for first in the table at the moment and we're going to be playing in front of a full house. No one expects us to win because we're such a young side and we've slipped badly the past few World Cups. Anything that happens now will be gravy for us."

Both Cinderfella Kericia and the Orange-Blues enter Matchday Nine level in points with 16, four behind Sarzonia's 20 points, but Wilson, sounding very much like his father, said the team's work is far from done.

"We've got six matches left. No one's booking flights to Krytenia or Casari just yet. It's nice to see that we're doing well right now, but there's still plenty of work ahead of us.

Sounds like a chip off the old block.

While the Tynelian team was in Athesitic Right just before the match... A missile was launched from "The Island" an ultra secretive island just off the coast of the mainland. It was there that the governments, if you could call it a government. Secret research was taking place... A missile was launched from the Island it headed over the mainland and landed on at an observation ship that was around 100 kilometers away from the missiles intended target.

The sattelites floating around in the densely packed region of space above Atlantian Oceania recorded this feat for the whole region if they wanted too, to see.

When the match finally came on both teams worked their hardest and Atheistic Right pulled a win in the last dying seconds of the match according to an extrememly late penalty in stoppage time. Tasmanian Devil totally confused the Tynelian keeper and got in the back of the net.

After full time the Tynellian team went and showered to find a note that had been left in the managers room. It had been slid under the door waiting for the teams Manager to return. It read

We need to see someone, we want Refuge in Tynelia.. We also have important information that the world needs to know. Do not use the hotels internal phone system.. they are monitoring it. We are in room 135 of the same hotel... and we will stay here the night. Be careful and bring disguises.

Your's Sincelry, Rabbit. On the behalf of the Atheistic Right Archeopteri

The team arrived at the hotel that the Tynelian squad stayed at and their room number 135 had already been booked and paid for... they went up there and partied.. Well that is what they made out they did.. There was extremely load music and an occasional call of some heavy alocohol as well as the occasional piece of broken equipment. You don't want me to tell you how Atheistic Right citizens would usually celebrate something like this but the team certainly did a good emulation of it. Either way they waited and hoped for someone representing Tynelia to come... the clock ticked by...

The Justtundra Times



The Team is on its way to last!

Well, The Team was crushed again by Anastasiania again, to nobodies surprise. What was surprising was that The Team managed to score. They had scored last time they played this little-known team, but the Anastasianians had scored thrice. This time they only beat The Team by one point. The Team was so involved with trying to clobber the Anastasianians that niether LUNATIC nor Wild Penguin noticed as Furious Porridge scored a single goal on the unconcious Anastasianian Keeper(LUNATIC has flailed himself too close to the goal and accidentally hit the Keeper on the head), and thus were not there to get into Porridge's way.
Once this was revealed, both insane Strikers became very angry with The Team's star Striker, hit him over the head, and dumped him in a dumpster after the end of the first half.

During the second half, both sides had scored once, and the tension was rising. DMYS held the Anastasianian players at a distance of five feet, or just surrounded their feet and tripped them. Obese Penguin used his nearly immobile bulk and rather chubby wings to block any potential goals, and Irritated Penguin savagely attacked any player foolish enough to approach him. Even his own teammates, as Normal Penguin found out after waddling quickly in front of Irritated, and being viscously attacked from behind. Irritated had to be pulled off by Mrs. Tweezly, who gave Irritated a peice of her mind, and just when she turned her back on him, he took a chunk of her leg, which resulted in Tweezly getting a Red Card and a lawsuit from several Animal Rights Groups after she subjected Irritated Penguin to a most humilating - and banned - ritual: several hard ruler smacks to the flipper.

The Anastasianian Strikers finally got past DMYS during Mrs. Tweezly's punishment of Irritated Penguin, and managed to score on a distracted Willie Dee, and the game was uneventful after that as Animal Rights Activists flooded the field in protest of the cruel and unjust treatment of the small bird. Even now, the lawyers are still swarming the pitch. Somebody ought to carpet-bomb the field, and get rid of them while they're all in one place.

The Team looks forward to more losses, and will probably recieve them, as they don't look like they're going to win anytime soon. Raging Penguins is safe from the taxes that potentially could be the result of The Team winning. We're also safe from the riots that would certainly ravage the general country if the Taxes were raised, and for that, we are glad.

Downward Spiral Starting?

The Quakmybush national soccer team lost 2-0 to Praying2God today. This loss dropped them to 5th in their qualifying group, however they are only 2 points behind second place Athestic Right, with Tylenia with 10 points and Praying2God with 11 points between the two teams. The squad will face Athestic Right in a very very very important match.

QSPN FOOTBALL WEEKLY

Ben Rottenburger: Due to Tinsuvilia's exclusive coverage of the Match between Qazox and Tinsuvilia, The only things we're allowed to show are the goals and the bookings:

35th Minute Marie Goya has the ball, leading down the pitch with Bookman and Gonzalez trailing, she passes it to Gonzalez, shoots, rebounded and knocked out for a throw in. Andrew Mason wil take the throw, throws it in fro Bookman, liftes it intot he Box and GOOOOOOALLLLL!!! MArie Goya caught the ball and inched right past the keep for a goal and the Black OXen lead 1-0 here in the 35th minute.

42nd-44th minutes and a bad call here by the referee Johan Nurayev from Sarzonia, as Kiel Venice, who rarely fouls anybody is given a Yellow card here for a hand ball in the box. Look at the replay here, you can clearly see that the ball glanced off his shoulder not the fore-arm, but It to no avail and VENICE IS GIVEN A 2ND YELLOW for arguing here and now Qazox is down a man late in the 1st half. a horribly bad call by the ref. Jeri Kavelt will take the penalty and what??? Reggie Hassok is refusing to stand on the line and HE'S GIVEN a yellow.... Hassok grudgingly steps t the line and Kavelt scores as Reggie didn't even move... What's going on here??

86th minute Gretsky has the ball pushes it up to Gonzalez, she shoots and ITs IN ITS IN OOOHHH MY OXEN ITS IN!! and somehow despite being a man down for the entire 2nd half Qazox has taken a 2-1 lead late in the match.

FINAL MATCH STATS:
QAZOX- 2- Goya (2) 35'; Gonzalez (6) 86'
Tinsuvilia- 1- Kavelt 44' PK
BOOKINGS:
QAZOX- Venice- Yellow 42', Red 44'
Hassok- Yellow 44'

Elven Times
The Fortress Falls?!!

In the first time in the national teams history, they have failed to achieve even a point in their match against Audioslavia. Not only was it a defeat, it was a complete nightmare for the Marauders. In what has to be one of, if not the worst officating jobs in the history of football, the Marauders had 4 players ejected and numerous dodgy offsides calls go against them.

The madness began in the 9th minute when Zacharius was going for a loose ball in the 6 yard box when the keeper came to play the ball. The two collided and referee Harry Ford came up and shoved a red in Zacharius face much to the dismay of his teammates, manager, and fans.

It continued three minutes later when Night was going up for a header with Alavarez. The play was whistled dead and then Night was ejected for what the ref said was a deliberate elbow. When looked at on the replay, it showed that Alavarez was the one who delibertly elbowed Night and not the other way around.

Just seconds later off of the free kick, Fiori got a nice through ball, and tried to turn off of Manderine, couldn't, and took a dive. Instead of giving Fiori the deserved yellow, he awarded him a penalty that he put away without much ease.

The half ended badly for the Marauders as Swent managed one of the few attacks after Night's sendoff, and was taken out from behind by Rachmaninoff. Instead of calling even a foul, he let play continue on as Swent writhed on the ground in pain. The slaves moved the ball up the pitch and Vitalis headed home a cross. After a minutes on the sideline, Swent was able to return to the field but was never the same.

As the second half was set to begin, Stone was sent off for arueing with the ref over Audioslavia's last goal. Now down 2-0, and with only 8 men, the Marauders knew that the match was lost, and only hoped to stop any more goals from being conceded. This hope was quickly foiled as Fiori scored just two minutes into the second half.

What went on between then and the end of the game could only be desribed as chaos. Hardsworth was sent off for delaying the game, Kries went down injured and was replaced by Fred Michaels, and Saikkonen scored in the 75th minute to put the Marauders down 4-0.

The Marauders will only hope to rebound quickly as they travel Spaamanian Plijous for their next match. Florintine will obviously have to make ajustments to the line up with all the ejections and the appeared injury to Kries. We can only hope that it will be the right moves.

Article By Ron Santapa

GREEN WOMBAT FREE PRESS
The Losing Streak is over as we drew once aganin with Bazalonia this time 0-0. A very boring match actually as niether side could do much in the heavy rain.
In other group 8 Action, Freakin' Qazox won 2-1 over Tinsuvilia, LEwon its 7th straight 4-1 over Bostopia and Benlandngdo drew Catduanes 2-2.The Group Standings so far after 8 matches:



TEAM W-D-L PTS GF GA GD
Liverpool England 7-1-0 22 22 4 +18
Qazox 5-0-3 15 17 15 +2
Catadaunes 4-3-1 15 21 8 +13
Tinsuvilia 3-2-3 11 12 12 0
Bazalonia 2-3-3 9 10 8 +2
Benlandngdo 2-1-5 7 8 17 -9
Green Wombat 1-3-4 6 11 20 -9
Bostopia 1-1-6 4 10 27 -17

SATIVAVILLE STONER
We tell you Where the Doritos Are!!

Rorysville got thier revenge on us as they won 4-2 today Humberto Pellecchia didn't play today due to an knee injury, but is hopefull to return for the next game. Goal today were scored by: Rorysville: Dan Decost in the 34th and 66th minutes; Adam Negeuanne in the 56th minute and Mike Jasper in the 78th minute. Sativaville's goal were scored by Dewayne Virginia in the 39th minute and by Vicente Penas in the 71st minute. For the Stoner I'm Monty Python.. Other scores were not available at press time so no table will be printed today.

Sliponia Fails To Break Trend
Sliponia (as usual) looks dismal.

SLIPONIA AP--Keeping in form with past perfomances, the Sliponian National Team is terrible. Currently with a record of 0-4-4, Sliponia is still searching for it's first win of WC XXIX.

Here's how Group 14 has gone for the Slips so far:

[code]MD1
3-nil blanking to Jeruselem (10)
MD2
0-0 draw to Khenas (124)
MD3
4-nil thrashing by Arridia (27)
MD4
1-nil loss in a close match to Mahaliastan (152)
MD5
Sliponia shows life in 3-2 loss to Wentland (40)
MD6
1-1 draw with Artoonia (182)
MD7
1-1 draw with Elrich (62)
MD8
Nil-all draw with Jeruselem

Perhaps there are signs of life in this wretched team. With a three game unbeaten streak, Sliponia has a chance to turn things around against Khenas with whom the Slips have already drawn.

It would be nearly impossible for Sliponia to advance, but perhaps the Slips can pull some sort of miracle and not leave completely humiliated.

http://i40.photobucket.com/albums/e228/Sonya0111/SylMedCen.png

At Least We Didn't Lose

Queen Sonya Sabre was on her way home, feeling sour about this entire qualification experience. A horrid run of luck (almost as bad as Praying2God’s) had taken all the excitement of The Mystical Unicorns away. And those five first half losses had dropped the squad to new depths.

The opponent today had been Kelse. On MD1 they had strolled into D&S and strolled back out as 3-1 winners. All hope had been to repay the favor. But 90 minutes of boring football had seen the two sides play to a 0-0 draw. Oh well. At least it wasn’t another loss. That Shouldnt come next in a rematch with Tecpatl.

In other Group 7 news Rejistania earned a second consecutive 0-0 draw, this time with Snubby. Sarzonia took full control of the group by hammering Aigosthena 3-0. Kericia downed Tecpatl 1-0.

Praying2God Watch: The Warriors crush upstart Quakmybuwhatever 2-0. Go Warriors!

http://i14.photobucket.com/albums/a318/stormgiantxxxl/ASMVFNN.jpg

Revenge Is Sweet

This is Kellan Kildan reporting live from Ulyanovia

The time for payback was today. Unknown Ulyanovia visited Stadii Se Draggonnii Arcea on MD1 and in a shock left with the near upset of a 0-0 draw. The Sea Dragons and Vegan fans everywhere were very eager for the trip to their house in order to mess things up there.

And we did just that as our vaunted defense once again held an opponent scoreless. 1-0 may not seem much like a big win to anyone else, but the Sea Dragons thrive on such victories. Ali Devincenti scored on a brilliant pass from Jenni Ulrich in the 48th minute to secure the win. Give us one goal and we can get a draw. On the occasion that we get two goals, we usually are guaranteed a win.

Porche Alexander has now been cleared for action almost a week early. Her injury was not as bad as everyone here had feared. But Pablo Iglesias has returned to form and replacement Devincenti is performing very well. Add in the fact that reserve Leena Draghi has also scored well for ASMV and you begin to see a slight problem that most sides would kill for. Four proven scorers, not counting Evan Evans and Jenni Ulrich, on a squad that normally on fields two forwards. The decision seemd to be to give Porche more time to make sure she is ready for her return.

The battle in Group 11 seems to be between NMS and ASMV for the top spot. NMS is three points up right now, but the second match between the two sides is next. Last time ASMV stole a win in NMS 2-0. The match at Stadii Se Draggonnii Arcea should be a great one to watch. No one else is even close as the three sides fighting for third place were eight points back and all three lost today.

Friends Watch
Cuation earned a 2-1 win over System Karela
Tadjikistan rolled 3-2 over Iansisle
Dorian and Sonya earned a 0-0 draw with Kelse
Milchama is struggling badly, this time with a 0-1 loss to Third England
Ariddia downed Artoonia 3-2

"Finally, Ginge, it's working..."

"Yeah, we seem to have clicked now. Two wins on the bounce. Have we left too much to do?"

"Yes - but that was always going to be the case. This team is not for the World Cup. We're preparing for the Harmony. We're too low in the rankings to get to the finals, let's go for something else and build ourselves up to get something that we can win."

"You're not gonna tell anyone that, though?"

"Heck no, let's roll with it."

***

PRESS RELEASE: BARNES CONFIDENT

Tommy Barnes, Wentland and Crowhurst manager, thinks his side has finally clicked and that qualification for the World Cup Finals is within reach.

"We have a points gap to close," explained Barnes, "but if we keep winning we are capable of doing that.

"We have Artoonia at home and we're playing it at the Sir Kenneth Kendall stadium. We're hoping that the Bellstead fans will come along and give us a cheer - we certainly need it!"

Artoonia has had a tough time of it in qualifications, with only 1 win from 8 games, but Barnes issued a note of caution. "They only narrowly lost to Ariddia, who have a near 100% record. And after the fight they put up against us at their patch they will be hopeful at least of a point."

***

There, that ought to keep the SOBs happy, thought Barnes.

Benlandngdo drew Cataduanes today. They were paced by Number 14, who had two early goals. Cataduanes came back in the last ten minutes and drew the game in injury time. The Benlandngdo players and coachs are very happy with the draw, because the first time Benlandngdo played Cataduanes, they lost four-nil.

Benlandngdo Cataduanes
Numer 14, 6 Mahabal, 81
Number 14, 24 Ruedas, 92+

SPAAM SPORTS WEEKLY
NationStates' Most Notorious Sports Publication

The NSSR 1-3 Spaam

Substitute Tim Cahill's Tehta Trevelyan's late double inspired Australia Spaam
to an historic victory over Japan The NSSR in Kaiserslautern.

Japan The NSSR took the lead when Socceroos Waffles keeper Mark
Schwarzer Feoca Arthur appeared to be impeded as Shunsuke Nakamura's
intended cross sailed over his head.

But Cahill Trevelyan drilled in a loose ball from close range on 84 minutes and
lashed home from 18 yards soon after.

John Aloisi Credan Trethewey then sealed a first World Cup finals victory for
Australia Spaam with a well-placed shot in injury time.

Japan's The NSSR's Yoshikatsu Kawaguchi was the first goalkeeper called into
action, forced into a double save from Mark Viduka Budeaux Pomre.

The Middlesbrough Spaamanian striker broke clear to first fire in a right-foot
shot from a narrow angle, and then a left-foot follow-up effort which was
parried for a corner.

Australia Spaam fell behind in circumstances which were at best soft, and at
worst controversial.

Nakamura drifted in a hopeful ball and Schwarzer Arthur seemed to be
impeded by Atsushi Yanagisawa, but Egyptian Ianisle referee Essam Abdel
Fatah James Edgemoor waved away Australian Spaamanian protests.

Kewell Roskelly almost found a quick response with a curling shot which
grazed the top of the bar.

Viduka Pomre was proving a handful for the Japanese NSSR defence and a
foul on the Middlesbrough Spaamanian striker set up a chance for Marco
Bresciano Jenifer Uren, who almost embarrassed Kawaguchi as he went for
goal with the keeper expecting a cross.

Australia Spaam coach Guus Hiddink Tamsyn Pengelley threw on Cahill
Trevelyan and Josh Kennedy Metheven Tregilas, and the big striker's height
gave the Japanese NSSR defence a different set of problems as the
Socceroos Waffles took a more direct route.

Kennedy Tregilas was fouled on the edge of the box by Teruyuki Moniwa to
give Viduka Pomre the chance to power in a free-kick, drawing a great save
from Kawaguchi.

But the keeper was at fault as Cahill Trevelyan grabbed a lifeline for Australia
Spaam.

Kawaguchi failed to claim Lucas Neill's Steren Kerkin's long throw and Cahill
Trevelyan ended a scramble in emphatic fashion, firing home Australia's
Spaam's first World Cup finals goal from close range.

The Everton midfielder striker was at the heart of the action and escaped
conceding a penalty when he clearly clipped Yuichi Komano as he headed for
goal.

But five minutes after levelling, Cahill Trevelyan found space on the edge of
the box to put his side ahead with a thumping shot off the inside of the post.

Australia Spaam were fired up and they iced the cake when another
substitute, Aloisi Trethewey, finished coolly after bursting through the middle
of the Japanese NSSR defence.

(1 Nakamura 26) The NSSR 1:3 Spaam (1 Trevelyan 84, 89; 11 Trethewey 90)

http://news.bbc.co.uk/sport1/hi/football/world_cup_2006/4852706.stm

Group 9 Roundup

Matterbuggy 0:6 Hockey Canadia
United Island Empires 2:1 Giant Zucchini
Raging Penguins 1:2 Anastasiania

Matterbuggy had no answers for the Canucks as they went down by six goals
to zip at home, thanks partially to a Mike Ko hattrick. The UIE got a goal in
injury time, to just pip a strong Zucchini side in an exciting 3rd place match.
And the Penguins lose again, but only thanks to a late Anastasianian goal.

The Canucks stay on top, just two points ahead of Spaam, who extend their
lead to four points of the UIE. Giant Zucchini stays in touch in fourth on 13
points, two behind third, while Anastasiania move up to 5th. The NSSR leads
Matterbuggy by one point, while the Penguins are unlucky to be at the
bottom of the table.

Group 9 GP W D L PTS GD GF GA
Hockey Canada 8 7 0 1 21 18 25 7
Spaam 8 6 1 1 19 13 17 4
United Island Empires 8 4 3 1 15 4 13 9
Giant Zucchini 8 4 1 3 13 1 10 9
Anastasiania 8 3 1 4 10 -3 12 15
The NSSR 8 2 1 5 7 -3 10 13
Matterbuggy 8 2 0 6 6 -18 9 27
Raging Penguins 8 0 1 7 1 -12 4 16

Next week is the biggest match of the qualifiers for Group 9, as Spaam host
Hockey Canadia. The Waffles will be looking for revenge against the Canucks,
and their first win against the highest ranked team never to make the finals.
Anastasiania will host the UIE in what should be a close match, the Zucchinis
host the NSSR in a must win game, and the Penguins host Matterbuggy in a
match that will decide the wooden spoon.


Goal Scorers

7 (01) Tehta Trevelyan
4 (04) Crewenna Roskelly
2 (10) Budeaux Pomre
2 (07) Jenifer Uren
1 (20) Eseld Retallack
1 (11) Credan Trethewey

History

Spaam 2:1 The NSSR
Hockey Canadia 2:1 Spaam
Spaam 4:0 Matterbuggy
Spaam 2:0 Giant Zucchini
Anastasiania 0:3 Spaam
Raging Penguins 0:2 Spaam
United Island Empires 0:0 Spaam
The NSSR 1:3 Spaam
Spaam vs Hockey Canadia
Matterbuggy vs Spaam
Giant Zucchini vs Spaam
Spaam vs Anastasiania
Spaam vs Raging Penguins
Spaam vs United Island Empires

Queldas Hikari - Rul Isio Nesuntel A Seserim

OLD HABITS DIE HARD
Manage 1-1 Draw With Bedistan, Can't Beat Kedalfax
by Markinen Marketel

QUELDAS(NP) - Why are the Pandas so inconsistent? That question awaited Nikean manager Hikaren Spriteithel following the Nikeans 1-1 draw with top-ranked Bedistan last night. The Nikean footballing legend, who had answers for many top forwards during his playing career, could not find an answer to this question.

'I simply have no idea,' he responded. 'It can be quite baffling at times. I have tried to instill the old "every match is an important one" in my players but they play up to their opponents level in matches like this. In the older days Nikea always seemed to draw or beat the top ranked opponents, but our teams always faltered against the mid-ranked competition. It seems as though that has spread over to this team.'

The Pandas team had an up and down few matchdays. After a home loss to Kedalfax, who keep Nikea company towards the bottom of the table, the Pandas sandwiched a 1-0 win over hopeless Sovietry between two losses to qualifying contenders Pastorville and Magnus Valerius. The Pandas played well in Pastorville, did enough against Sovietry but looked far from impressive, and put in an effort for only half of the match with Magnus Valerius.

Faced with top-ranked Bedistan, the team against whom the Pandas played so well in matchday one, it seemed as though Nikea would be just a minor distraction on the continuing Bedistan steamroller. 7-0-0 halfway through qualifying, the Lions brought their undefeated record into Solarin Stadium.

The resistance the Pandas put up in front of the capacity crowd was admirable. Hollins, the Bedistan midfielder who opened the scoring against Nikea on matchday 1, once again started the scoring in the 32nd minute, capitalising on a poorly timed clearance from Tinuviethel and firing one into the net. Nikea threw everything they had at the Bedistan defence, who were unable to create any chances for the remainder of the match. The Pandas finally broke through in the 77th minute, when Rankarin Depayenestel took a Jastin Lemperetel pass on the volley and Vailatai Issah had no chance on the powerful shot. The game ended 1-1, a draw like so many battles that these two had many years ago.

The Pandas visit Nebuleux next matchday.


Nikea 1 (Eskimitel 83)
v.
Kedalfax 2 (<player> 24, <player> 52)



Pastorville 1 (<player> 65)
v.
Nikea 0



Nikea 1 (Yukaritel 60)
v.
Sovietry 0



Nikea 1 (Eskimitel 11)
v.
Magnus Valerius 3 (Illyanich 27, Zerbst 44, Urt-Urumqi 66)



Nikea 1 (Depayenestel 77)
v.
Bedistan 1 (Hollins 32)


MD1 - @Bedistan (L 2-3)
MD2 - Nebuleux - Queldas, Solarin Stadium (D 1-1)
MD3 - @The Islands of Qutar (D 0-0)
MD4 - Kedalfax - Interiu, Interirien Field (L 1-2)
MD5 - @Pastorville (L 0-1)
MD6 - Sovietry - Miserias, Calamo Bridge (W 1-0)
MD7 - @Magnus Valerius (L 2-3)
MD8 - Bedistan - Queldas, Solarin Stadium (D 1-1)
MD9 - @Nebuleux
MD10 - The Islands of Qutar - Interiu, Interirien Field
MD11 - @Kedalfax
MD12 - Pastorville - Miserias, Calamo Bridge
MD13 - @Sovietry
MD14 - Magnus Valerius - Queldas, Solarin Stadium

Cuation Stumble On

Cuation drew to many games last time and had already drawn two games out of eight. Only two defeats, against the big teams though Haraki have surpingsgly struggled so far, expect a comeback. None of our wins have been convincing, not even a 4-0 one over the Elves Security Forces. Not looking to secure at the back though 5 goals conceded against the Hawks had made the GA look worse then it should perhaps be. The goals have not quite come, despite Mendiz's hot form.

At the half way point, the Slaves where pulling away at the top of the group. Becquerelia had a suprise second place thanks to a tight defence but only eight goals scored and lack of expirence suggests they may slip up. We seem set to be in the top three but expect a loss of form from us as well.

Elves Security Forces have done alright so far but they will be hoping to stablise while the Hawks make a late dash for second place. After that it is simply who is getting the Wooden Spoon.

Six-Nil on Cruise Control
Starblaydia gear up for Aroras

In what is turning out to be a record-breaking run for Starblaydia in World Cup Qualifiers, Starblaydia once again put six goals past their opponents in their own stadium. Spindomia and now Sexy Games have both felt the wrath of Starblaydia's Starting Eleven as they prepare for what will undoubtedly be their toughest qualifying matchup - away to Bettia.

Johan Keifner proved that he wasn't to be outshone by his striking partner as he scored twice to get Starblaydia moving against Sexy Games. The big and powerful striker will be in his element against Bettia's thin defence, and will surely be able to draw off enough playes to give Jackie Maitland the one-on-one's she so loves. Maitland herself scored once this match, sandwiched by a pair of goals from midfield anchor Pedro Rujano. Rujano's forward runs are proving to be excellent value for Starblaydia, just as long as there is Noble or Cortez available to drop back and cover his advance when needed.

Herge Costa, too, rounded off the second six-nil thrashing as he scored - for the third time this campaign - from a corner. The defender is proving to be a serious aerial threat from set pieces and every team should be aware of the powerful twenty-three year-old.

Starblaydia's charge to qualifying still leaves them seven points clear of Bettia, who won an eight-goal thriller against Spindomia yesterday. Now they just need ten points from their remaning six games to assure qualification. Already Harlesburg and Spindomia are mathematically unable to catch up with Starblaydia, and a win tomorrow will see AwalKB and Sexy Games drop off that list too. Ten points to guarantee qualification, twelve points to guarantee the winning of the group; Starblaydia's form suggests they may accomplish that in just four games.

A hardfought victory

Dushanbe - The Tadjik Tigers continued their campaign of wins in the second round with a victory in Iansisle, but it was a hardfought victory with a strong opponent , powered by their fans, looking for an upset and a way into the top three.

Monhakyievs offensive play was present at the Westergate Footballing Grounds, as usual with Tulberdiev as deep striker against what must be the oldest selection Tadjikistan has ever faced. The oldies, however showed themselves fit enough to play at this level and gave the Tadjiks quite a bit of trouble. It was only trough a brilliant move by Elisarov that the Tigers were able to win.

'It wasnt Tulberdievs day today, although he received a couple of good passes, he could get none of them into the Ian box, Brandt(Martin) did a good job keeping him out of the game, sometimes very agressive. He should have received a card for that.'
'Good thing Tulberdiev isnt the only striker on our squad, Zyrianov scored two of Tadjikistans three goals. Elisarov finished the job in the last ten minutes.' Said Piotr Monhakyiev after the game, and he continued by admitting the Tigers did not get this victory for free 'I told them to use the offside trap, but our defenders kept falling back too far and allowed them to counter. Its only their individual skill and a good goalkeeper that protected us from a worse result. The defense has done a fine job so far, but does need some improvement.'

Monhakyievs analysis of his own defense comes at a crucial moment, with the match against Nedalia at the frontdoor. Oleg Salenko summed up Tadjikistans possibilities :'We could do as many other sides have and move toward a 4-4-2 setup, giving us an extra defender, but that would be a break with a system that we Tadjiks excel at. extra training might be the only other option. But even if it fails, It shouldnt be a catastrophy yet, Tadjikistan has a comfortable lead in group 6 and is almost certain of its qualification. In fact, we should use these last matches as preparation for the World Cup.'




Since there are no tables yet, here's Tadjikistans unofficial group 6 table

Group 6 GP W T L PTS GD GF GA
Tadjikistan 8 7 0 1 21 16 24 8
Nedalia 8 5 2 1 17 5 11 6
Molvania 8 3 3 2 12 -1 10 11
Iansisle 8 3 2 3 11 -2 9 11
The Kazoo Peoples 8 3 2 3 11 0 12 12
Kirstiriera 8 2 2 4 8 -4 10 14
Ozzelia 8 1 3 4 6 -6 11 17
Dicuban 8 1 1 6 4 -9 5 14


And the rest of the stuff
Fixtures:
MD1: Tadjikistan - Iansisle W 3-0
MD2: Tadjikistan - Nedalia W 2-0
MD3: The Kazoo Peoples - Tadjikistan L 1-2
MD4: Tadjikistan - Kirstiriera W 4-1
MD5: Molvania - Tadjikistan W 1-4
MD6: Ozzelia - Tadjikistan W 2-4
MD7: Dicuban - Tadjikistan W 0-3
MD8: Iansisle - Tadjikistan W 2-3
MD9: Nedalia - Tadjikistan
MD10: Tadjikistan - The Kazoo Peoples
MD11: Kirstiriera - Tadjikistan
MD12: Tadjikistan - Molvania
MD13: Tadjikistan - Ozzelia
MD14: Tadjikistan - Dicuban

Tadjik Topscorers
Tulberdiev - 8
Zyrianov - 7
Berzarin - 4
Elisarov - 3
Nabiyev - 1
Yarygin - 1

Coach tudor read the odd note as he sipped his tea in disgust after yet another shutout, the team certainly wasn;t living up to expectations. Now this? From the team that cost Tynelia 6 points, no more likely 2 given tynelia's penchant for draws. In any case it wasn't something he could be bothered with personally.

"Alex could you come here a minute." Tudor called out to one of his assistants.

"Sure thing Coach." Alex replied jogging over.

"Take a look at this. This seems to be something you lot enjoy, not me." Tudor said handing over the note.

Alex, whose last name was Smith and was part of the Minister of Intelligence John Smith's service assigned to Turor after the attack by ex-Coach O'Connell, looked it over quickly and said, i'll pass it to my superiors and i suppose i'll go check this out."

"Good, good- i have to try and figure out how to get this lot to fit a round ball into a rectangular net." Tudor answered obviously forgetting about the note at that point.

Smith, noting that a disguise was necessary, donned one of his tan suits and put on a pair of reading spectacles, which of course were merely normal plastic as Smith did not need to wear them normally. Placing a book titled Architectural Wonders of the Archregimancy under his arm, he wandered through the hotel like a typical professor of some sort. Arriving at room 135, he made sure no one was paying him any mind and then knocked at the door.


------------------------------------------------------------------------

Another O-Fer For Tynelia
For the second straight Woirld Cup Tynelia has suffered a streak of being shutout four straight times. Like last time this has put the team's chances of advancing in serious danger as they have failed to gain any momentum through this point in Cup play. A 1-0 defeat to the Atheistic Right dropped Tynelia to fourth though still in striking distance. Next up is Bothen, a team Tynelia drew against the first time on the road.

Sources close to the team seem to think this next three match homestand will be the team's best chance to get some offense going. As it stands murmurs around Tynelia indicate that Coach tudor's job may be in danger as he has shown no improvement here over what Coach Marcus o'Meara had done in his tenure.

* Scene at a local beach *

Rachel Kool in pink bikini stands in front of a game of beach soccer as well as some men admiring her.

"Good morning everyone! This is Rachel Kool for Jeruselem government news reporting from the local beach. Unfortunately due to a technical problem with our satellites last night, I was unable to report live from the Jeruselem game so it's after the game and I'm at the beach with some of friendly locals here."

* Crowd cheers and waves*

"First to group 14. Sliponia played Jeruselem's reserve team as the coach decided his team need a break from high end football as we face Ariddia and Wentland very soon. Sadly the Jeruselem reserves failed to impress the coach and could only manage a NIL ALL draw with Sliponia. Sliponia didn't do much attacking, but ended up with most of their team defending Karelan style against a young reserve team eager to impress. Sliponia are gaining respect but need wins and goals scorers."

* Ball flies by, guy picks up the ball *

"In other games, Ariddia scored another win with very close 3-2 against Artoonia. Artoonia challenged the Ariddians all game but the firepower of the Ariddians save the day with 3 valuable goals giving them 3 valuable points. Artoonia have improved lately, but look like leaving this World Cup early. Wentland slaughtered a sad Mahaliastan. Wentland won 5-1 in a game so one-sided that it looked more like training practice for Wentland although they did concede one goal but that was just an abomination towards the end of the game. Elrich defeated Khenas as Khenas slip further down the table with losses after losses. Elrich could challenge for 3rd but need the top 3 to start losing."

"The table still has the top 3 as they are really. The other shuffle around but need to work much harder for more points as the qualifiers have reached past half way now"

Group 14
Sliponia 0:0 Jeruselem
Artoonia 2:3 Ariddia
Mahaliastan 1:5 Wentland
Khenas 0:2 Elrich

* Crowd grows bigger *

"Group 6. The poor old Ians played the Tigers again and got a far better result but they still lost. The Ians bravely took on the Tigers and scored two goals but the Tigers replied with 3 and took all three points. Nedalia scraped past Dicuban 1-0 and keep 2nd spot while the Ians stay 4th. A good days work for our friends in Group 6 overall. We are very sure the Lions will be 2nd on form but the Ians can steal 3rd if they perform."

Group 6
Iansisle 2:3 Tadjikistan
Dicuban 0:1 Nedalia

"Someone insulted Hockey Canada before, you know that guy I decked. Well, they just beat someone SIX NIL. Matterbuggy got hit by a steamroller and the Canucks showed why they are 4th seed becase scoring 6 goals is not easy. So don't laugh at Hockey Canada as today showed people who do lose."

Group 9
Matterbuggy 0:6 Hockey Canada

"Now, my bikini calendar is now on sale. In Jeruselem and all world cup hosting nations - for just 20 shekels or equivalent. Well, in celebration of this, JGN is hosting World Cup beach party here which explains the crowd. So buy your calendar and don't miss out of me in calendar like this. JGN will have replays of all games we report on available on cable and Internet video streaming as well as my reports from the World Cup. Some of Jeruselem World Cup team will make a short appearance here but the next few games will decide where we finish."

*snip*
Smith, noting that a disguise was necessary, donned one of his tan suits and put on a pair of reading spectacles, which of course were merely normal plastic as Smith did not need to wear them normally. Placing a book titled Architectural Wonders of the Archregimancy under his arm, he wandered through the hotel like a typical professor of some sort. Arriving at room 135, he made sure no one was paying him any mind and then knocked at the door.
*snip*



The door opened slightly and a relatively small man peeked out the creek and saw the professor the book in the hand of the man told him he wasn't from Atheistic Right... that meant... yes.. Tynelian.

"You better come in..." the man said and opened the door... "that book was a risky choice." the man said as the Tynelian entered the room and closed the door behind him. Inside the room there was 5 players for the Atheistic Right Archeopteri including he small man that opened the door, who was Rabbit.

"You probably know us... but we have yet to know you." said Rabbit.

....

"Our time as footballers, travelling around, has given us a view of the world something most people in Atheistic Right never experience, we have experienced so much in a short period of time and now we have realised just how dangerous The Great Lion (OOC: The title given to ATheistic Right's top dog) is. We... all of us here... want asylum and a new life in Tynelia. Especially since we've found out that the production of a new devastating weapon is just about to undertake final tests... A nuclear bomb." Rabbit spoke on the behalf of those present... who where Kangaroo, Tasmanian Devil, Elephent and Fox. who noded their agreement at the appropriate times.

It was hard to determine what Smith's reaction was to begin with and the 5 players waited for his response.

Dear diary,

Well, we lost today. I'm disappointed of course...but we were complacent I must say. But sitting around writing stuff in here isn't going to solve anything. It's going to be a long night...and I know what I'm going to do with it.

It's back to the videos boys...

D

"What better way to throw off the scent, who would expect someone reading this to meet with you?" Smith replied before moving on to more serious matters.

" A bomb? Does anyone else outside of your home know about this? This could be a very dangerous weapon considering how people there fell about this." Smith replied tapping the book meaningfully while making sure not to mention the name of the Atheistic Right out loud in case listening devices were in effect. He knew Minister Smith would have to be told immediately.

"I've sent word to my superiors about the first part of this development, leaving names out of course. Has there been any mention about a target and can we go public with this information? This is a secret devlopement i'm assuming." Smith went on.

"Of course our nation is always open to the arrival of new citizens especially those who won't make waves about minor stuff like this." he said patting the book again. "Given the delicacy of the situation though my superiors will have to be notifed before any sort of action can take place on any front. And i'm certain they will wish to know everything you know about the matter you mentioned in order to try and diffuse the situation.

"When do you plan to move? Leaving now will certainly arose suspicison as the event is still going on. I'm certain if my superiors approve they will wish to move on this as swiftly as possible." Smith concluded as he realized he was in a bit over his security clearance and he hoped that Minister Smith would get back to him swiftly, especially when he mentioned this additional situation.

Coach Tudor will have to be on his own for a bit, maybe the minister will send a replacement to watch him. WMDs take priority over soccer. Smith thought immediately as he waited for Rabbit's reply.

"You're listening to Schia FM, and welcome to Warrior Treblah for another edition of World Cup Sloths! I'm Mike Jones..."

"...and I'm Filipo Schiavone, and today we have an intriguing encounter between Schiavonia and Warrior Treblah.

"Now you might well remember Schiavonia's first encounter with the Warrior, in which the Warrior horribly cut up teh KFS pitch by playing on horseback. Well, we are well informed that Schiavonia will not take to the field if he is allowed to play either on horseback or wth anything that could be considered an offensive weapon, and a shield is included in that list."

"Well, Warrior Treblah has been on the pitch for a good five hours in preparation for this encounter, riding up and down and up and down. The Schiavone players have been ordered not to go onto the pitch by Rodney Lowe... in fact... no, they are turning around and going back down the tunnel. I'm going to see if I can get hold of anyone to see what's going on. Mike, I'll leave the commentary to you."

"So, the Schiavone team have not taken to the field for the warm-up here in Warrior Treblah. They have gone back down the tunnel and into the changing rooms, presumably to warm up there. Now, our referee today, Hanlit Moulan of Oliverry, is going out onto the pitch, and he is going over to Warrior Treblah. He appears to be ordering him off the pitch unless he loses the weaponary and his trusty steed too. Well, teh horse wasn't named on the team sheet, so it does seem silly that it should play. Treblah's refusing... the referee has sent him off before the game has even begun. Surely Schiavonia will win now!"

"Actually, you're wrong there Mike!"

"Why's that, Filipo?"

"Well, it appears that the Schiavone team have left in disgust at Warrior Treblah's behaviour. The changing rooms are empty, the team coach has gone, they are no longer here!"

"So we're going to have ninety minutes with no players, then?"

"It appears so."

"So it's going to be nil-nil?"

"If there's nobody to kick the ball, how is it going to go into the goal?"

"Indeed. Well, nil-nil it is. And that's the show over. Now, how are we getting home?"

"On the team coach."

"But you just said it had gone!"

"It... has... gone..."

"Oh, Lord help us!"

Paladins kick off second half with a bang

4-0 romp at Asterrius sets up return trip to ASMV

ASHTERRIUS - In what most of the media considered to be a tuneup match for the upcoming match at Andossa Se Mitrin Vega - a match that will probably determine who ends up in first place overall in the group - the Paladins walked over their opposition 4-0.

"We just started throttling and never let up," said midfielder Marc Tessier, whose two goals, his first in international competition in little under eight years, sparked the Paladins to their victory. "We're ready to give ASMV our best shot now."

"We did alright," said coach William Branstone of Audioslavia. "We've got to do better if we want to put a dent in ASMV's halo of undefeatedness."

While dozens of reporters flipped through their dicitionaries to determine if "undefeatedness" is, in fact, a word, Branstone bolted into his office and locked the door, leaving us with no choice but to type up a match summary.

The Paladins came out shaky in the early going, with Ashterrius mounting a pair of early drives that would prove to be their only solid offensive effort for the day. Yannic Laurier intercepted a pass to finish off the second drive and sent it forward to Gilles Villeneuve for a quick and lethal counterattack that put the States up 1-0.

From that point on it was NMS total domination, with Tessier scoring towards the end of the half and midway through the second, while the rapdily blooming Hugh Faulkner picked up his third goal of qualifiers to make it four.

The Paladins now travel to the familiar Stadii Se Draggonnii Arcea. Their last visit there involved finally beating Tadjikistan and winning the Draggonnii Inviyatti for the first time. Now the States are playing for a restoration of their pride after losing 2-0 in their own backyard. Should be a great match.

PALADINS 4 - Villeneuve 16, Tessier 43, 58, Faulkner 69
ASHTERRUS 0

TOURNAMENT SCORING

H. Labranche 4
Villeneuve 4
Faulkner 3
Tessier 2
Hunyadi 1
Pilon 1
Plattsburgh 1
Toussaint 1

Location: the bureau of Syku Lyku, who was formerly known as SyMji and now known as President SyMji, Asene Sekhika Rejistaniha Headquarters, Sike kali, Rejistania.
Persons in the scene: President SyMji, national coach Seletarakeledira Hanselijimijile, Hexatux maintainer Teke Lyku.

SyMji (SL): This away weakness of the Orange-Blues is really a problem...

Seletarakeledira Hanselijimijile (SH): away weakness?

SL: They can simply not score when playing away games!

SH: That thing, yeah... I have to admit, that I am standing in front of this problem without the remotest clue... I mean, it's even in the league...

SL: Is it?

SH: Teke Lyku might have the statistics...

Teke Lyku: Indeed, I do. There is a tendency towards less and less away goals, not only for the national team but also for the league. The average number of away goals has significantly decreased within the last 3 years and I have no explanation for that...

SH: And I am the one, who will be blamed for the bad performance in the world cup... I mean, I try to entice them to play fearlessly, to playwell, but I have to admit that i am currently at a place, where I don't know any further! If this means my job is done, it is, but apparently currently nearly every H1SR, H2SR and H3SR coach has the problem.

SL: Well, as you said, currently no one is there to replace you. I however have to admit that I really appreciate that you are thinking of the good of the team instead of your own career.

TL: I would have an idea... however it is risky and will cost much and success is not guaranteed...

SL: exorcism?

TL: Also a good idea, but not what I thought of... You know, I went abroad to buy hardware for Hexatux and there I discovered the wonders of LSD...

SH: oh dear... Not good!

TL: well, the thing is: if there are drugs, which cause hallucinations... can there be drugs, which cause special hallucinations...

SH: su?

TL: Drugs can be invented, which make the team think that it plays at the Estadije Ines Karela Lines or the Estadije Sen-La-Sa~o Relekhati when they are in reality playing in the national stadium of an unknown part of the world... or a sorry part of the NSverse like Sarzonia!

SL: sorry part of the NSverse?

TL: Yes, because it's not Rejistania!

SL and SH snicker

SL: so you mean, making a drug, which makes people hallucinate, they are playing at a different venue is possible?

TL: We are in the NSverse, if in one nation things are impossible, in at least one other, it is nothing special.

SH: This sounds like a good idea!

SL: I do not believe this would actually work, but do we have another, saner idea?

SH, TL: Not really...

SL: Okay, in this case, Teke, Can you try to reach a company with experience in drugs to get this done for us?

TL: Will do!

---

Next scene:

* Teke Lyku dials a long number into his phone (dialing here really means using a dial and not to type numbers), then waits for the connection to be established
* Mario Dinaz blinks as on the screen of his computer, the words 'YOU HAVE A PHONECALL' appear all out of a sudden. He reaches for his microphone and says in a professionally polite voice: "Allanean PHarmaceuticals, how can I help?"
<Teke Lyku> Hello, I am connected Alhanejan 'armazeutikals to? Teke Lyku of the Asene Sekhika Rejistaniha here. Why are these particles so slanily irregular?
* Mario Dinaz does not miss a beat - almost on a daily basis he gets called for organisations whose name he cannot pronounce. "How may I help you please?
<Teke Lyku> I am callinh in an issue, slightly difficult... Is it possible desininh drugs which create special hallucinations?
<Mario Dinaz> "Well..." - the Allanean shrugs - "it all depends on what you call special. We did a little something for the Islamic Council of Allanea that makes you actually think you are up there with the Houris... so..."
* Teke Lyku thinks that was a weird task, but a weird task is his current question as well, so it works out nice.
<Teke Lyku> Is it possible to desinj a drug, which makes a soccer player think he is at a different venju than he is actually playinh at? without impactinh performance too highly?
<Mario Dinaz> The Allanean blinked for a second. "Excuse me... a change of venue? This would be slighlty... difficult, but I am sure the research division can handle it.." Who the fuck are these people?
<Teke Lyku> The Asene Sekhika Rejistaniha would be delighted if somethinh like a portable home advantaj ekshistes...
<Mario Dinaz> "A home advantage... excuse me, I do not know much about soccer. Would it be possible for you to send me a written description of what your group needs?"
<Teke Lyku> This high not-easy! Can we submit deskeri'tshen in other language h~san English?
<Mario Dinaz> "Surely. Allanean Pharmaceuticals has lots of translators" - Mario did not know what he was getting into.
<Teke Lyku> Rejistanian ekshistes as possible language as well?
<Mario Dinaz> "Oh, Rejistanian." So that's where he's calling from. That explains it. "Surely. The translators will handle it."
<Teke Lyku> Can I submit email by,... err by email? The post would take too lonh...
<Mario Dinaz> Sure.
<Teke Lyku> What would be, I send it to?
* Teke Lyku realizes again he felt into a horrible rejistanism here
<Mario Dinaz> dinaz_ranger@allapharm.all
* TekeLyku repeats the spelling, but in a more rejistanian way: divisasi, Iknel, alna, z as in zoo, line below letters, rekijo, and so on
* Mario Dinaz nods "Very well. We will be waiting for the request with impatience."

---
The mail, which was sent was of course in rejistanian, but translated, it would mean the following:

Dear Sir or Madam,

I have called a few hours ago in order to ask wether it would be possible to design something which I would describe as 'portable home advantage': A drug which causes the hallucination that the user does not play in a stadium in a place far away from anything but in the Estadije Ines Karela Lines. This means the hallucinations would be visual and aural at least. The hallucinations should not be detrimental to the performance on the field. Would it be possible to design such a home advantage for away games?

In hope for a quick reply,
Teke Lyku, director of special operations in the Asene Sekhika Rejistaniha

Northern Caesarea 1- Mr. Chuck Norris 1

1. Cuéllar ***

17. Heredia ****
21. Perea *****
15. Molinero ***
3. Martinet***

24. Novo **** 14. Caminero (m.63)
13. Vizcaíno ****
8. Ríos *****
18. Zeamendi 0

23. Salmerón *****
9. Alcántara ****
---------------------------------------------------------------------------

GK Mr. Bednarik ***
D Scottest Hovest *
D ? ****
D Yianni Karvo *
MF Zach Brickhouse *
MF Paper Mario ***
MF OJ Pimpson ****
MF The Burger King 0
AF John Fedo *****
AF Brian Boitano **
SF Chuck Norris **

The crack
Salmerón
The Borussia Berenguer forward forgot his individualistic instincts to play for the team. Always ready to help, even in defense. He made the passed wich led to Alcántara's goal in m.86

The dandy
Ríos
Although he usally plays as left winger at his NFCL team, Ríos is giving a good example of his polyvalence in WC29. Playing as attacking midfielder, he leads the offensive game of the Triclore Fury, like in this match.

The tough guy
Perea
The veteran defender made a great match, but he also risked expusion with two ugly tackles to Chuck Norris and Brian Boitano.

Not his day
The Burger King
Made honour to his nickname with a slow pace and an awful physical condition. He was only well at the first 30 minutes of the match.

Berenguer- 150.000 fans crowded the Berenguer Nou Estadi to see the revenge of the Tricolores against Mr. Chuck Norris. They saw a boring match, between two fearful teams who prefered to secure the midfield and tie rival forwards than create opportunities and go for the victory.
Mr. Chuch Norris begun the match wis stamina and strength, with nice attacks to NC goal, but our defense and Cuéllar twarthed all their tentatives until minute 24, when OJ Pimpson scored a magistral 0-1.
But this didn't bothered the Fury, which continued their contention gama, with occasional trips to Fighting territory, leadered by Ríos, which were more frequent as the Mr. Chuck Norris players were more and more tired.
In the 2nd half, it was clear that "The Fighting Norris" were a mature fruit and that the Fury had only to wait the good moment to make it fall from the tree. But that moment was much later than expected. After a score of failed opportunities by Salmerón, Ríos, Caminero and Novo, it was in m.84, when Salmerón made a pass to Alcántara, who was almost in offside, to tie the match.

25. Víctor

17. Heredia
21. Perea
15. Molinero
3. Martinet

24. Novo
13. Vizcaíno
8. Ríos
11. Maxi

23. Salmerón
9. Alcántara

Called in:

12. Damiá
22. Ibañez
14. Caminero
18. Zeamendi
7. Bermúdez
20. Toledo

And Now, A Mid-Qualifications Mini-Special By The 6:00 Evening News, Isangrad Media Corp.


"Good evening, Magnus Valerius. I am Samuel Turnovsky. You may have heard that the Magnus Valerian Boyars are caught up in a three-way tie for the second slot in Group 15 of World Cup 29. Today was the first matchday going into the second half. The team went against Nebuleux at their home stade, and after a hard game of defense, they finally won by one point, 0 - 1. Of course, the Boyars have come a long way since their triumphant return to the World Cup in WC 27. The Boyars once were a decent team back in the day when they appeared for the first time ever in the World Cup in WC 12. They never managed to qualify for any cup ever, but in this cup, we seem to have a decent chance of at least making it past the first round.

Who can ever forget the romp we had with Kedalfax on Matchday 2, when we scored 5 points, perhaps our best score in any game ever? It was like the old Grand Empire was reborn. The Grand Empire was riding high up in second place in Group 15, although we asked ourselves if that spot would last. It didn't. After losses to Bedistan, The Islands of Qutar, and Pastorville, we got knocked out of second slot, but we aren't down for the count just yet. We are tied with the two other teams in our group vying to qualify: The Islands of Qutar and Pastorville. We may qualify, but if we don't, all money is on the Islands of Qutar to go and win.

Speaking of the games, the game on Matchday 8 was suspenseful. With the Boyars facing off against the upstarts Nebuleux, it was tough for the Boyars to get any points in.

(A clip plays of several Boyar goal attempts by Zerbst, Urt-Urumqi, Song, d'Anjou, Illyanich and Feodorov play)

However, at the end, a determined George Illyanich, our Tower of Power, charged with teammates Jacques d'Anjou and Kyrill Feodorov. With some fancy teamwork, George Illyanich bewildered the Nebuleuxian defense and shot in one more goal for the Valerian team. The goal came at the right time, right at the 87th minute, saving a win for the Boyars just a couple of minutes before the game ended.

(a clip of Illyanich post-game is played)

"This is great! I can't believe we made it at the last minute! Anyone looking for my skills? I'm willing to be traded into a foreign nation now!"

(The video returns to Turnovsky)

That's right fans, George Illyanich is looking for a foreign team to go into, a contract to play in a foreign league! Will he succeed? It would be interesting to see the Tower of Power play for another team. And I'm sure we could always find a new star for our team if he trades out!

Tomorrow, we shall play Kedalfax again, and we look forward to another thrashing that we served them on Matchday 2.

I am Samuel Turnovsky. Good night, Valerians. And good luck, Boyars.

Boyar Scorers

G. Illyanich - 6 goals
K. Feodorov - 3 goals
J. d'Anjou - 2 goals
M. Urt-Urumqi - 2 goals
J. Song - 1 goal
H. Zerbst - 1 goal

The team is just as the game against Giant Zucchini, with the expectation of Fred Piper, coming in for Jacob Burd, who suffered an ankle injury in training. The coach decides to stick with Chris Knapp in the holding midfield role.

4-1-4-1

GK - 1. Sam Hardcliff

RB - 2. Mike Gard
CB - 6. Jonathan Turner
CB - 5. Joshua Caines (c)
LB - 3. Paul Shively

HM - 4. Chris Knapp

RM - 7. Dale Donavon
CM - 8. Martin Perea
CM - 9. Curtis Windham
LM - 22. Fred Piper

CF - 10. William Gyten


Bench

GK - 13. Scott Salmon
D - 12. Mark Auten
D - 14. Terry Nicolas
M - 17. Michael Carlson
CF - 19. Justin Conover

Spaam Pie

Tough to beat minnows and Cuation end up frustrated again in a game that many would have expected them to win. In the end Rual Mendiz wasted a hatful of chances and Keane coming on way to late to score a winner.

The first half was dire, Cuation controlling the game but unable to create chance. Indeed it was the underdog that scored, a long throw headed on by the number seven , the ball looping over Tanner in goal and in at the far post.

In the second half, Giovanni and Fallen just decided to shoot on sight, a policy that foirced deflections and the keeper to work. Many of the rebounds fell to Rual, on another day, he would have scored six but he failed to put them away. The best chance came when the keeper pushed one shot into the air, the ball falling perfectly for Rual to volley into an open net. Instead his volley whacked against the cross bar and back out.

It would fall to a rampaging left back to pull Cuation back in it, racing forward to support Milnar, one block fell to him outside the box. Butcher ried his luck, his low shot deflected of a heel and behind the commited keeper. 68thminute equaliser and still Cuation pushed forward, the full backs acting as wingers with Milnar taken off for striker Anderton.

This allowed Spaam mark 2 to counter attack down the wings but found Tanner in fine form. Fans called for Keane to replace Rual yet only in injury time did this happen, a waste considering how poor Rual had been today.

Karla Down

Set play was the order of the gamefor Cuation, against a team so hard to beat, Cuation looked for throw ins, corners and free kicks. From open play, little emerged, even the shoot on sight policy as any deflection fell to another defender.

Giovanni struggled to find his range when taking free kicks but his corners where a problem for the defence. In the 34th minute, Milnar forced a corner, Giovanni swung it in and Lu Fei powered it home at the far post. 1-0 and now things looked up for Cuation.

In the second half, Giovanni rolled a free quick into the box where sub Keane was lurking. A powerful shot on the turn beat the keeper and went in off the post. 2-0 and Cuation where safe, despite a gastly error late on.

Cheese headed the ball back to Tanner, the keeper hesitated so Butcher went for it, his header going towards goal. Tanner did well to push it away despite being out of postion but it fell to Number 8 , a simple finish under no pressure.

Cuation brought on Hargreves and G.Cole but it was no real problem defending a lead against such an inept attack.

Vuam and Isma's prime minister has made an announcement following recent claims by "The Moon" that there is a ban on Vuam and Isma media leaving Vuam and Isma.

He claimed that they had not been banned, but that their absence would be looked into.

--------------------------------------------------------

Three days after "The Moon" suggested there was a ban on media leaving Vuam and Isma, their claims have been proven true. The ministry of propaganda, a recent structure, has been declared unconstitutional by the King, and immediately removed.

In the aftermath of this, the whole government resigned, and the UFVI has been hit hard by this blow. New elections will bring a new face to Vuam and Isma's head.

This also means that all the banned documents will be provided to foreign information sources.



(OOC : I was on hols. So now I'm back to kick ass! Yay!)




Gazetta de'Esporte

No (Ara)mour please!
Vuam and Isma - 0
Risa-Aramour - 2 (T'lail 38, Y'sak 71)

What was that? Vuam and Isma just didn't play like they were attempting to qualify for a world cup! Slow, inaccurate passing in midfield, no movement in defence, and far too many offsides to be dangerous. A despicable performance.

Risa-Aramour rose to the situation however, with their strike force dropping deep to support the midfield. The first shot of the game was by Excellis, but his 30-yard piledriver was easy pickings for O'Connor.

The first goal came on the first free-kick that Vuam and Isma conceded, after Regragui ended up coming in late on Harmen. A'dr's long ball wasn't touched, but S'ala managed to stop it going out, and his cross was met by T'lail's head, powering down past O'Connor after beating Brasiviev to the ball.

Right after half-time, with Dynamique and Marc being swapped for Niederburger and Searle, V&I's players got more of the ball, but were still unable to put pressure on Aragon, with Fitzsimons alarmingly isolated, as Grak and O'Driscoll failed to assist him correctly.

But soon V&I's flaws came back, and this time even stronger. Searle and Niederburger, the men who seemed to be pushing the Whites and Azures forwards, ended up giving the Longhorns an easy goal. A bad back-pass by Searle was ran onto by T'lail, closely followed by Niederburger. But before T'lail could shoot, Niederburger halted his run with a crunching tackle only yards outside the box. Before Niederburger was on his feet, Allan (LivEng) had already flashed the red card, and given him his marching orders. The following free-kick was taken by Y'sak, who drove a fierce shot under the wall and just too fast for O'Connor.

Playing at 10 against 11, with two goals to catch, Vuam and Isma seemed to go completely defensive, and recieved two yellows for time-wasting, when O'Connor took his time to play a goal kick, and when O'Driscoll pondered a moment too long where to aim his corner kick.

And we turn back around to see what's behind us:


http://www.geocities.com/becquerelia/images/becquerelia.gif Becquerelia - 0__________0 - Spaamanian Plijous http://www.geocities.com/becquerelia/images/spammanianplijous.gif


A TIE?!
Becquerelia Just Can't Beat Plijous


SPAAMANIAN PLIJOUS(JNS) - The Becquerelia Black Cats came into today's game with a ton of confidence. Fresh of a convincing victory against the surprising Elves Security Forces, and holding a two-point lead over Cuation in the race for second in Group 4, the National Team felt they could pull out a victory over the struggling Spammanian Plijous and help cement their lead.

But once again, the Spammanian Plijous defense held tough, and Becquerelia failed to score any goals, and had to be content with a 0-0 tie. With the tie, the Black Cats fell out of second place, and now sit a point behind Cuation in Group 4.

"I just don't understand. These guys just have had our number the whole time. We're the only guys to lose to them, and now they've taken another extra point." Said Head Coach Mark Crescentini. "I mean, really, this woul


Becquerelia's Current Results and Upcoming Schedule
Home Team Last
WIN DRAW LOSS
MD01: Spaamanian Plijous - 1 Becquerelia - 0
MD02: Becquerelia - 2 System Karela - 1
MD03: Becquerelia - 1 Intyny - 2
MD04: Becquerelia - 1 Audioslavia - 0
MD05: Haraki - 0 Becquerelia - 1
MD06: Cuation - 2 Becquerelia - 0
MD07: Becquerelia - 3 Elves Security Forces - 1
MD08: Becquerelia - 0 Spaamanian Plijous - 0
MD09: System Karela (2-1-5) at Becquerelia (4-1-3)
MD10: Intyny (1-3-4) at Becquerelia (4-1-3)
MD11: Audioslavia (7-0-1) at Becquerelia (4-1-3)
MD12: Becquerelia (4-1-3) at Haraki (3-2-3)
MD13: Becquerelia (4-1-3) at Cuation (4-2-2)
MD14: Elves Security Forces (3-0-5) at Becquerelia (4-1-3)


CORRECTION REGARDING ARTICLE ON BECQUERELIA-PLIJOUS GAME


A typesetting error, compounded with poor editorial oversight led to yesterday's article on the Becquerelia - 0 Spammanian Plijous - 0 game to be cut off half way through. The full article can be read at the JNS newswire web site, at jnswire.bq


OOC: I got nothing. Seriously. I tie Spaamanian Plijous, and I'm supposed to write something of any interest? Yeah, good luck with that.

“Good evening, sportsfans! This is Jay McYule alongside a very smug ‘Toothless’ Sam St. Pierre with your post game coverage. Well, Sam, I hesitate to ask this, but what did you think of the game?”

“Well, Jay, it would seem to me that the Tigers won. And that’s really what’s important, isn’t it?”

“I’d say that, for the Iansislean sports fans who make up the bulk of our listener base, more important is that the Ians lost.”

“Yeah, that part is even funnier.”

“In other important news, the Lions of Nedalia pulled off a win against group six basement dweller Dicuban. However, the Kazoos only drew against Ozzelia keeping them tied with the Ians in points. The Kazoos better goal differential will keep them in third, but we’ll manage fourth at least...”

“Not so fast, Jay. I think you missed one crucial result.”

“Which one?”

“I’d tell you, but I can’t pronounce the names.”

“Here, let me see. Molvania 1 - 0 Kirstiriera?”

“God bless you.”

“What’s so special about that?”

“It gives the team whose name starts with an ‘M’ twelve points -- one more than the Ians have.”

*sounds of an adding machine*

“Great Caesar's ghost! You’re right! We’re in fifth! ...hold me, Sam, I’m scared.”

“I’m not. My team’s still in first.”

“Well, let’s not talk about the group results any more. Let’s talk about what went right or wrong for the Ians on the pitch.”

“Well, what went wrong was that they were facing an immensely more talented (and good-looking!) side and their blasted luck -- or bribery of the officials, I haven’t been able to decide yet -- failed to show up.”

“Well, Sam, I was looking for a more in-depth analysis, but since I think you took one too many hits to the head back in your playing days, I’ll provide it myself.”

“You’re welcome.”

“What went right: the Ians are an incredibly veteran team and were able to twice recognize gaps in the Tigers’ defensive line. Two strong Ians pushes, one in the twenty-fifth and one in the sixty-eighth minute, resulted in goals by Copplestone and Lyons. On the defensive end of the pitch, strong efforts by the father-son Brandt team held Tadjikistan’s Tulberdiev in check.”

“With all that going right, you’d almost think the Ians won this game.”

“They almost did, Sam. What went wrong: Feckless, Feckless, Feckless. He looked absolutely helpless in goal today, Sam. I don’t know if we have an official stat for it, but I’m willing to bet that the crossbar saved far more shots today than did the keeper. He looked especially bad on Zyrianov’s second goal just after the half -- he was out of position and never got a read on where the ball was until it was past him and into the net.”

“Bet the Ians will be glad that Abernathy is coming back for the match in Molvania, eh?”

“Indeed they are. On the note of ‘wrong things’, I also have to question coach Truman’s tactical calls. He committed the majority of his midfield to the attack every time the Ians brought the ball into their attacking zone, which left them badly out of position on several Tigers counterattacks.”

“In case anyone tuning in, the final score of today’s match at the Footballing Grounds was Iansisle two, three for Tadjikistan.”

“Indeed it was, Sam. However, anyone ‘just tuning in’ is going to be mighty upset unless we get off the air and put on ‘Captain Diamond: Man of Right’, which is slotted to start in thirty seconds.”

“Oh, right.”

“Coming to you live from the Westergate Footballing Grounds, we’ve been Jay McYule and ‘Toothless’ Sam St. Pierre. Good night and happier times ahead!”

http://img142.imageshack.us/img142/9163/starlogo2ti.jpg
Mateys finally score!!

Well this world cup qualifying campaign isn't going well, infact it sucks. Mateys are struggling against teams that we should be beating like Ashterrus whom we drew with 1 - 1 with Livingston saving the teams blushes there as Ashterrus took a shock lead.

The lastest game was against Geisenfried on match day 8 a team we needed to beat both home and away to stand a chance of qualifictation however poor results against the likes of Ashterrus have not allowed us to keep up this claim.

Mateys went ouyt against Geisenfried with something to prove having disappoionted so far. The midfield seems to have been sorted now with Livingston and Mc Neice finally seeming to click and the up front Amusi is looking like his old self but failed to scorte today with Dougherty getting both goals. One from a knock down from none other than the mighty Akobyi and the other a run onto a fantastic pass from Livingston to nicely do a step over and take it past the keeper to leave a wide open net, a move that Dougherty is famous for doing with Crewe in the Primerio Liga

Final score
Geisenfried 0 - 2 Lisburn Mateys
Dougherty , 15 , 37

D2R ready

D2R are ready for their Squornshelous test

Dance 2 Revolution have released a taunt to the Squornshelous squad: "We are ready to take your heads". Although a bold statement, Dance 2 Revolution are certainly capable of doing so. The World Cup Committee will obviously not be best pleased with the comments D2R have made, as they would rather not have the controversy that surrounded the 2nd match day confrontation between the two, which eventually led to Uto being banned for the majority of the campaign so far.

Uto had recently released a press statement saying that he was extremely sorry to the squad, and that his actions were rash, selfish and unprofessional. He claimed that he would not be involved with anything close to the sort of what happened against Squornshelous. Despite this, it remains to be seen whether Uto has convinced Taqin to allow him to play again against Squornshelous.

Squornshelous will definately not be losing too much sleep given the latest D2R performance against Horzel. Suffering from huge complacencies, Dance 2 Revolution failed to break down a resolute Horzel defence, and were lucky not to be caught out by one of the many counter attacks. D2R will be aware that any repeats of this performance may submit their qualification spott to the Anathematic Republics.

*snip*
Coach Tudor will have to be on his own for a bit, maybe the minister will send a replacement to watch him. WMDs take priority over soccer. Smith thought immediately as he waited for Rabbit's reply.

"It seems every thing the Great Lion does passes through to Lioness and her predecessor Lion. We don't quite know why but I think there is a reason that ARFA and ARAF are so close. Someone accidently let out the testing. We have a plan... On the last matchday of the tournament we will be away at Rordia, If we fake our deaths in an explostion. Then no one will be the wiser. The one thing about us and our weapons, they go through serious testing. The only thing in Atheistic Right that does. As far as I know there has been no successful test as yet, which means that we still have some time. You can go public but not before a successful test.. otherwise they'd know that someone leaked. And The Great Lion uses a torch everything approach when it comes to cauterising leaks." spoke Rabbit

Fox continued
"We plan to take advantage of the last matchday, We have an away game at Rordia. An explosion to fake our deaths would give us enough time to get to Tynelia and be able to leave no traces linking it to Tynelia."

Rabbit added... "Well, it was his plan."

Chi Sun-Times-Tribune-Domestic-International-Star-News-Today

Sports Section

Milchama fail to qualify

The Milchama Warriors have failed to qualify for World Cup 29 after their loss to Third England yesterday. While they are mathematically still in it with how bad they have been playing it looks impossible for them to make any progress what so ever to even have any hope of qualifying. Coach Jamie Smith said, "This is nowhere near the end of qualifying. So far results haven't come our way but we tend to do a lot better in the second half of qualifying and with our rank you never know what could happen. If we can beat the Archregimancy then that will give us the edge we need for the second half of qualifying. All we need is one good result and things will change."

Despite calls for firing Coach Jamie Smith Calvin Chintermantomantoman said, "He has led Milchama to more success than any other coach. He has done great things for us and our football program. To fire him would be bad for Milchamian football. Anyway we need to look at history and not just what have they done for me lately. One good result and suddenly things will change quickly. Just have patience. Anyway is going to the Cup of Harmony that bad?"

The answer of course is yes and if Chintermantomantoman continues to be that pessimistic he should be fired.

This has been Jeffrey Yafocake Good night everybody.

Elven Times
Into the Unknown

With a multitude of reds during the last game against Audioslavia, Florintine is reaching far into his bag of tricks to come up with a line up for the Marauders next match. The Marauders will play at Spaamanian Plijous and what some where thinking as an easy victory is now unsure even for a point with the ejections. Despite what looked like a serious injury, Lilam Kries will be in the line up as I received the line up Forty will be using for the SP game ealier today, and it is as follows

St. Louis
Kries Titenburg Manderine Centron
Cuellar
Rikard Swent Tatum
Riot St John

Of note, St John is the uncle of captain Zacharius, and has won Elven Player of the Year 3 times though they have been 5 years ago. Riot will be looking to show that she deserved her spot on the national team even though she wasn't born in the ESF. Rikard will look to build off his 1st cap where he played excelently, and Centron will hope that he can prove his worth and keep his starting spot even after Manderine serves his suspension.

Article By Ron Santapa

" If we fake our deaths in an explostion. Then no one will be the wiser. As far as I know there has been no successful test as yet, which means that we still have some time. You can go public but not before a successful test.. otherwise they'd know that someone leaked. And The Great Lion uses a torch everything approach when it comes to cauterising leaks." spoke Rabbit

Fox continued
"We plan to take advantage of the last matchday, We have an away game at Rordia. An explosion to fake our deaths would give us enough time to get to Tynelia and be able to leave no traces linking it to Tynelia."

Rabbit added... "Well, it was his plan."

"As long as no innocents get hurt this should be fine assuming my superiors go along. I need to get word back to them and the sooner the btter. How can i contact you once things have been decided?" Smith asked obviously intent on getting word of this back to Tynelia as swiftly as possible.


Tudor Announces His Farewell

In a surprising move, Coach Greg Tudor has announced that after this Cup or the Cup of Harmony if it gets to that he will be stepping down as Tynelia's national coach. When asked about the resons behind this Tudor had this to say.

"This team needs someone who can make them think offensively. They do a great job on defense and we've has some stellar keepers but far too often we've been let down on the attack. This lack of scoring brought down Coach O'Meara and now i hear the hounds nipping at my heels after yet another shutout. Tynelia needs someone who can make these players not play so timidly on the attack and i find my preferred style of counterattacking doesn't seem the best fit. A better attack is needed and hopefully by the time the next Cup rolls around we'll have someone who can put that style into play better than i can."

“Well, well.” - Giorgio Adamsky smiled as he read the Rejistanian request. “I believe this can be handled. In a roundabout way.”

“What do you mean, sir?”

“Instead of directly seeking to replicate the experience of standing on the home football stadium of one team or another... let's just replicate the emotions involved – the endorphine release, the various cranial chemicals, what goes through the head of a footballer when he's playing home.”

“Oh, that could be easily done.”

“And add in some hallucinatory stuff to deal with pesky stuff like connection of reality. Then, when the soccer player's brain experiences the emotions of being in a home field, it will happily supply it's own visual centers with the associated images. Of course, it would not work on, say, non-footballers... but that's not our issue, is it?”

“No, Sir.”

“Good. So get your lazy fursuited ass to work.”

"As long as no innocents get hurt this should be fine assuming my superiors go along. I need to get word back to them and the sooner the btter. How can i contact you once things have been decided?" Smith asked obviously intent on getting word of this back to Tynelia as swiftly as possible.
*snip*


"Okay... You can reach me on this number" said Rabbit as he pulled a pen out of his pocket and grabbed a pad of paper which he wrote down a number and gave it to Mr Smith. "Leave a message if needed, pretend that you are my Doctor, Dr Halfra. He's got a fairly deep voice. Say that you have the results of the Blood test back and need to meet me, that should be enough."

The Schiavone Scribe
How To Be Friendly
Schiavonia 0-4 Rejistania

Schiavonia gave the world a lesson in friendliness last night as they more-than welcomed Rejistania to the King Francesco Stadium. For those that didn't see the guide, here is how to be welcoming to away teams in your country.

Step 1: Let them join in the party
As usual, Schiavonia laid on a party for the visiting team. And if they don't turn up for it, hey, at least you're going to have a good time!

Step 2: Make them feel at home
Apparently, the Junis-Omeh were given non-performance enhancing drugs before the game to make them feel at home. Literally. Allegedly, they felt like they were playing at Estadije Ines Karela Lines, although that does really sound like an outrageous claim.

Step 3: Give them presents
If you're playing football, why not give them a nice porus defence to attack against? Just let their more attacking players wander towards the goal a few times. Let them score a few. Four would be a nice enough number. It will leave them feeling overjoyed, and leave you feeling overjoyed that not only have you pleased them, but it is also in a friendly game that doesn't really count for anyhting, anyway!

Step 4: Don't attack them!
Blimey, that is a big no-no! Both physically, as that is a really nasty thing to do, and in the footballing sense, where your attacking players decide that the corner flags make better targets for shooting practice. This will lesve them pleased that their defence has dome a more than satisfactory job.

Step 5: Give them a big send off
Preferably, one of your central defenders (Oliver Park, in Schiavonia's case) for clumsily bringing down players who are through on goal. And maybe your goalkeeper for accidentally running out of the penalty area whilst carrying the ball. Every little helps!

So there you go. A typically Schiavone guide to a typically Schiavone way of thinking.

Final score
Schiavonia 0
Rejistania 4 (I Hetaki 23, 78, Kalatilu 71, Lyku Sikane'tes 85)

SPAAM SPORTS WEEKLY
NationStates' Most Notorious Sports Publication

Waffles Prepare For Canuck Onslaught

The Spaamanian national football team have been preparing for tomorrow
night's crucial match against Hockey Canadia. In an exciting night for football
fans, Artanis National Stadium will be hosting two World Cup qualifying
matches, with Spaamanian Plijous taking on the unranked Elves Security
Forces, followed by the Waffles versus Canucks match. Spaam have never
beaten, nor drawn, Hockey Canadia, but tomorrow night will be their best
chance ever, coming off a six game unbeaten streak. Whether Pengelley's
Waffles will be able to steal a point or three off Blake's Canucks will be the
question billions of people will be asking tomorrow night.

Golden Boot Update

Who is the best goal scorer in the world at the moment? That is the question
in newspapers across the globe, and one that remains to be answered.
Spaam's 21 year old wunderkind Tehta Trevelyan has scored 7 from his 8
matches, but is still one behind Spaamanian Plijous' Alan Belmore, who has
notched up 8 from 8. Here is what the SSW has managed to work out:

(After 8 matches)
Fmjphoenix Nolan 14
Spaamanian Plijous Belmore 8
Tadjikistan Tulberdiev 8
Haraki Zendar 7
Spaam Trevelyan 7
Starblaydia Maitland 7
Virginia Nova Freemont 7
Magnus Valerius Illyanich 6
Qazox Gonzalez 6
Sativaville Pellecchia 6
Elves Security Forces Night 5
Giant Zucchini Hals 5
Marceau Fréchette 5
New Montreal States Labranche/Villeneuve 4
Rorysville Pérez/Negeuanne 3


OOC: Could all nations post their goal scorers in their RPs?

OOC: Could all nations post their goal scorers in their RPs?


Here's what I got so far

Harold Freemont (F) 7
Dan Judd (F) 2
Ross Perio (M/F) 1
Adam Neppi (F)1

The HNN Sports Centre has just released a composite list of the Hawks' goal scorers across World Cup 29 qualifying.

Zendar: 7
Thompson: 4
Weber: 3
Vern: 2
Angelica: 1
Sharp: 1
Neils: 1
S. Ribald: 1

As expected, Mike Zendar dominates the list, with the most surprising statistic of all being Zendar's fellow forward Matthew Thompson in second. Previously all but-unheard of, and never having played internationally before, he was expected to merely provide a small counterweight on the opposite side of the field from Mike Zendar.

The midfields all come next, with attackers Weber, Vern and Ribald snagging six goals between them, reserve Theo Angelica getting one, and right defending midfield Thomas Neils managing one. Samuel Sharp, Haraki's all-time third best international goal scorer (tied with Manuel Cortes and after Zendar and Weber), who is playing reserve forward for qualifying, managed one.

So far the leading scorers for QAZOX and my Puppet: SATIVAVILLE


QAZOX:
Alicia 'Speedy' Gonzalez- 6
Marie Goya- 2
Maria Gretsky- 2
Nelson Macgillivray- 2
Anthony Mason- 1
Andrew Mason- 1
Jaime Bookman- 1
Christian Likens- 1
Fernando Turek- 1

SATIVAVILLE:
Humberto Pellecchia- 6
Vincente Penas- 2
Teddy Mintey- 1
Teddy Terrada- 1
DeWayne Virginia- 1

The Giant Zucchini Department of Statistics and Other Useless Facts has submitted the following list.

Goals Scored/Player
5 Carel Hals
2 Yoshikatsu Nakamura
1 Arturo di Zampieri
1 Jacob de Verkerk
1 Pablo Perez

Leading Scorers for the Marauders

Kyla Night - 5
Zacharius - 4
Harden Swent - 2
Nikali Rikard - 1

Leading Scorers for Rorysville
Jaun Pérez -3
Adam Negeuanne -3
Mike Jasper -2
Dan Decost -2
Mark Schweitzer -1
David Devanns -1
Anatolli Svernetsiev -1
Mark Millens -1

and the leading scorers for Marceau(my Puppet)
Maxime Fréchette -5
Martin Fréchette -3
Jean-Sebastian Cousteau -3
Vincent Lezclair -2
Alexandre Imbeault -1
Marc Myre -1

OOC: Could all nations post their goal scorers in their RPs?

It's -yawn- Information Time!
Enforced break brings out statisticians

With Starblaydia firmly on top of Group Three, having conceeded just one goal in their eight matches so far, now would be a good time for a little info-packed statistical update. That's what the people at Spaam Sports Weekly thing, and we at the Jhanna Chronicle have never been ones to fail to steal a useful idea. So, here we present some statistics. First, the things everyone wants:

Starblaydi Goalscoring Chart (to MD8)
Jaqueline Maitland 7
Johan Keifner 4
Herge Costa 3
Paul Noble 3
Durum Rage 3
Pedro Rujano 3
Marissa Cortez 2
Tabitha Di Bradini 1
Talenii Karo 1
Janica Rocca 1
Fillipo Zinaldi 1

So, rather obviously, it's Starblaydia's Number-Ten, Jackie Maitland, who has seven goals from her eight games so far. This included a record-equalling four on Matchday Seven, matching the tally of Simeone Di Bradini, becoming only the second Starblaydi player to score four in an international.

Her striking partner, the gigantic Johan Keifner, lies second with four goals, followed by a glut of players on three goals each, including three midfield maestros Durum Rage, the captain Paul Noble and holding player Rujano. The fourth 'man' in Starblaydia's ever-present diamond midfield is Marissa Cortez, who netted against Legalese and Harlesburg. Herge Costa is the biggest surprise here, the twenty-three year-old Centre-Back scoring three times from corners along the way.

Now, how on earth could we talk about statistics and not mention that Starblaydia - the defending Champions, no less - have the best qualifying record of any team so far? Only they and near-neighbours Oliverry have a 100% record, and here it is in full:


Starblaydia Qualifying Record (to MD8)
H/A Team Score Starblaydi Scorers
H Sexy Games 2-1 Maitland, Di Bradini
H Bettia 2-0 Costa, Noble
A Legalese 4-0 Cortez, Rage (2), Keifner
H Harlesburg 3-0 Cortez, Costa, Maitland
A Virginia Nova 5-0 Noble, Rage, Rujano, Keifner, Karo
A AwalKB 1-0 Noble
A Spindomia 6-0 Maitland (4), Zinaldi, Rocca
A Sexy Games 6-0 Keifner (2), Rujano (2), Maitland, Costa
Total
29-1

This says it all, really, Starblaydia have kept clean sheets in all but the first of their games, and have taken maximum points from all of them, scoring and average of 3.6 goals per game, with the goals against average so low as to be practically non-existant. Of course, not all have been 5-0 and 6-0 thrashings, witness the 2-1 against Sexy Games or the 1-0 against AwalKB where Paul Noble was reduced to scoring (controversially) direct from a (equally controversial) free kick with five minutes to go.

Bear in mind, of course, that Starblaydia are on a 14-game winning streak, all the way back to when Spruitland defeated them 2-1 in the '28 Finals, on Matchday 1. Since then every team facing Starblaydia has tasted defeat in the end, most critically Bedistan in the World Cup 28 Final, though that needed 7 penalties apiece to decide that particular match.

Top of the world, top of the region, top of the tables, top of the World Cup Committee. All Starblaydia require now is to be top of the KPBs and everything will be right in the purple-coloured football world.

Another win steadies Vikings as they head to Schiavonia for last match of five on the road

Heading into Zychibastan, the Vikings were having a mediocre road trip, earning each a win, draw and loss, with the win only coming in the third match. Number four started fast and ended fast, with two goals coming each form Mike Nolan and Brian Dougood, to increase their goal scoring totals to 14 and 6 each.

With Schiavonia drawing their last qualification match, that gave Fmjphoenix a two point lead. A win here would boost the Vikings into a much more favorable situation, almost ensuring them birth to the World Cup proper. Expect a fast paced matchup that could set the pace for the rest of qualifications.

World Cup 29 Qualification
------------------------------------------------------------
MD01: Fmjphoenix 5 - 1 Zychibastan
MD02: Fmjphoenix 4 - 2 Schiavonia
MD03: Vaum and Isma 0 - 3 Fmjphoenix
MD04: Fmjphoenix 8 - 1 Mr Chuck Norris
MD05: Northern Caesarea 1 - 1 Fmjphoenix
MD06: Risa-Aramour 2 - 1 Fmjphoenix
MD07: Warrior Treblah 1 - 5 Fmjphoenix
MD08: Zychibastan 0 - 4 Fmjphoenix
MD09: Schiavonia ? - ? Fmjphoenix
MD10: Fmjphoenix ? - ? Vaum and Isma
MD11: Mr Chuck Norris ? - ? Fmjphoenix
MD12: Fmjphoenix ? - ? Northern Caesarea
MD13: Fmjphoenix ? - ? Risa-Aramour
MD14: Fmjphoenix ? - ? Warrior Treblah
------------------------------------------------------------
Record: 6-1-1 | 31 - 8
------------------------------------------------------------
Goal Scorers:
M. Nolan - 14
B. Dougood - 6
J. Russell - 3
S. Timmett - 3
R. Silverlake - 3
A. Jenkins - 2

This is Vic Rauter from the TSN soccer network, the Quakmybush national team got their game postponed by one today untill tonight due to some technical difficulties in the host nations. Here is a Recap of Quakmybush's top scorers.

Jon Fields - 4
Cory Sorley - 2
Ben Miller - 1
Andrew Plett - 1

4 goals!?

The Rejistanian national team had a friendly match in Schiavonia, most likely since after the current away performance, the team needs to get used to playing on foreign soil and to score there. Maybe the techniques of coach "maniac" did work or maybe the schiavonian sloths did play more worse than Tecpatl. Okay, the Sloths had some chances for the award of the Most-Abysmalish performance when their goalkeeper was sent off, but then... Aigosthena could not pass without losing possesion to a rejistani and still the rejistanis were unable to score against them. There are several explanations for the incredible performance:
* The Excelites think that since the match is a friendly, another 'Spreadsheet' was used.
* The National thinks after "maniac"'s affair with Xeai Siima~l ended, he can concentrate again on his job
* The Schiavonian media believes that the Rejistanis took a drug, which makes them feel as if playing in the EIKL. (There are some indications for this, like Syku Lyku saying after the match: "it was not that weird to play here as I thought. It really was like a home game to me.")

Whatever it was: keep the great performance up when it actually counts!

After being voted out of the Slightly Large Sibling House, Andy although disappointed at getting voted out, is kinda happy as it means he can catch up with Qutar's qualifying campaign. He picks up a video marked "The Islands of Qutar v.s. Sovietry" and puts in the VCR and presses play....

Qutar Sports News Network

Good Afternoon Qutar, and welcome to our first qualifying match for World Cup 29, it seems we should be of to an easy start facing a team near the bottom of the world ranks, but you never know this team has nothing to lose and could put up a strong fight. Well we'll take you live to the Stadium of Light for the start of the match. Also we apoligise, um yet again we don't have the names of the players for Sovietry, so please bear with us, again.

The players have come out onto the pitch, the anthems have been sung, and it looks like Sovietry have won the toss, and are going to kick off first. Thier number 10 starts the match off, Sovietry are starting strongly, with the number 11 moving the ball forward, Gordon comes out to close him down, but he passes back to the number 8, who pushes forward, getting past Gordon, and he sees the number 10, making a move, he drills a pass to him, but well cut out by Lemkes there, and he gets it back up to Gordon, who making a break on the counter attack, he's got Ali and Siese ahead of him, he sees Siese gets the past through, number 8 comes out to challenge him, but Siese gets the past to Ali, who's clean on goal, and he slams it into the top right corner!!! 1-0 Qutar!! We're six minutes in and already Qutar are in the lead!!!

Sovietry start the match off again, the goal doesn't seem to have shaken them, in fact they seem more determined than ever, as they kick off the number 11 is making strides through the midfield, he gets past Wildgoose and Gordon, Lemkes is coming out to close him down, but he passes it to the number 10 who's through on goal, he shoots and oh Stone manages to tip it over the bar, its gone for a corner, I think it will be the number 8 to take the corner, yes he's going to take the corner, he swings it in, but Stone comes out and safely claims it as his own, and sends it back up the pitch, to Gordon who tries to break on the counter, but the number 8 takes back possesion for Sovietry, and sends it back to the waiting players and Sovietry have got Qutar outnumbered but the number 8 goes for the shot, what a save by Stone there, how did he pull that one off, well the crowd are loving his athletic display of goalkeeping, and so am I. It seems that both teams have tightened up things in the midfield and defence, with neither team getting through with any real chances on goal, and we are about forty minutes into the match, and Qutar seem to have relaxed a bit with only five minutes remaining, but its seems it might cost them as the number 8 has broken through and he's got support in the form of the number 10 and the number 11, and he sees the number 11 making a move, he passes to him, oh he's got past Kelly, he's on goal, but Stone is coming out, the number 11 chips the ball over Stone, its hit the crossbar, and its coming back out, the number 10 is running in and hits it home, oh no Sovietry have equalised things on the stroke of half time, where was Stone's defence?

As the teams come out for the second half, we can only wonder at what Paul Dove had to say to his players letting Sovietry equalise on the stroke of half time. The momentum will be with Sovietry and Qutar really need to push forward and put the game beyond Sovietry reach.

Its Qutar to start the second half off and Ali gets things started by passing to Siese, who makes a move forward but has lost possesion to the number 9, who is making a move forward, and he has got support, he spots Lampshade in space, he moves forward and gets past Kelly, and sees the number 11 in space, passes the ball to him, and hes fires a shot in, Stone got his fingertips to it, its hit the post and goes off so a corner, its headed over the bar and goes for a goal kick, Qutar start the match off again, and Siese starts making a move forward which Ali spots, and gives him the ball, and Siese it slicing through their midfield, he's outside the box he about to shoot, but the number 4 lunges in with a two-footed tackle, and oh Siese looks like he's in a lot of pain, and the Qutari players are converging on the number 4, and Wildgoose is having to hold back Ali, who really is being taunted by the number 4, and the referee has finally come over, and promptly books the number 4 for the challenge on Siese, and cautions Ali over his reaction to the tackle. Siese is being taken off the pitch on a stretcher, his holding his leg, and in a lot of pain at the moment. It looks like Armoas the young striker from Fareham is going to come on, yes Armaos is coming on the replace the injured Siese. Now that the air has cleared from the foul, Wildgoose will take the free kick from just outside the box, he drills it in, but oh its hit the crossbar, but its come back out and Armaos latches on to in, but its deflected off a defender for a corner. It will be Tomlin to take the corner, he gets it in and onto the head of Armaos, but oh just over the bar for a goal kick. Its about twenty minutes into the second half and the momentum is definately on Qutar's side its just a matter of time till they score the equaliser, and its Parker on the ball at the moment, he's running down the right flank dancing past the number 6, and he puts on a burst of pace and gets past the number 9, and he gets a cross into Ali who's waiting in the box, he puts a brilliant header down to the bottom left corner of the goal, and oh its hit the post! Oh and off for a goal kick! Sovietry start the match off again , and they have lost possesion allready, Gordon taking possesion of the ball, and spotting Tomlin making a run down the left wing, he gets it into Armaos, who heads it, but only so far as Jim Johnson's hands. He launches the ball into Qutar's half in a deperate bid to move his players forward, but it only goes so far as Wildgoose, who immediatly moves forward, and the Qutari midfield are surgeing forward, stringing pass after pass, Wildgoose to Gordon, Gordon to Parker, Parker to Tomlin, Tomlin to Ali, and Ali shoots its a goal!!! Qutar are in the lead 2-1!!, the crowd has gone wild, and oh not again! The goal has been disallowed for Ali being in an offside position. Lets look at the replay when he makes his run, oh he's is fractionally offside and I can only barely make out he is on the slowed down replay, how on earth did the lineman know, he should have given the benefit of the doubt, and thats certainly what the Qutari fans think. We're nearing the end of play, and it seems that Sovietry are trying to hold out, but I don't see Qutar allowing that, and they're making another move forward and we're in the last couple of minutes, and Armaos has got the ball see's Ali making a run, he gives it to Ali, he gets past the number 8, now he's past the number 3, he got the number 2, and the number 4 coming in for the tackle, but he skips over the tackle, he one on one with the goalkeeper, he hits the ball and oh its a goal! Ali does it in the last minute, and saves Qutar's blushes, and the referee blows his whistle for full time. Ali manages to get the win!

The Islands of Qutar 2 (1)-(1) 1 Sovietry
Ali, 6, 90 Number 10, 45

Yellow Cards: Number 4



Phew! Andy thought to himself, thought we were off to another World Cup 27 Qualifying Campaign but looks like hopefully not.

Rejistanian topscorers:

Syku Lyku Sikane'tes 2
Karela Ikaru 1
Manatha~e Hihtaka~o 1
Xtesa Kiru 1

Matchday Nine Cutoff

The Isangrad Times
Another Illyanich Hat Trick Against Kedalfax!
Boyars Beat Kedalfax Again, 3 - 1

PALADIN BOWL, BLANCMONTE ---- Today, Magnus Valerius hosted Kedalfax, one of the rugs of Group 15, in the Paladin Bowl, home of the Blancmonte Paladins. The Kedalfaxians did not fare well against the Boyars when the Boyars played away, and this day, it was no different. Kedalfax had been crushed and left bewildered in the wake of George Illyanich, who made another hat trick in this game. He was carried away by cheering fans as they showered him with beer and Oldayev Sports Drink.

The game started off slowly, without much action on either side. Gustav Sibel stayed strong in the net while Bobrinsky and Lucinius kept the Kedalfaxians at bay from the goal. After half an hour, the game began to heat up. Jacques d'Anjou and Kyrill Feodorov brought the ball into Kedalfaxian turf, and Illyanich brought the ball for the killer shot. He shot the goal past the Kedalfaxian goalie's head and made it in at the 37th minute.


OOC: Alright, I'm a little short on time, so I'll finish up my RP later.


MD9 FINAL SCORE

Magnus Valerius 3:1 Kedalfax

Illyanich (37, 58, 71)
----
(unknown) 1 (79)

Boyar Scorers

As of Matchday 9...

G. Illyanich - 9 goals
K. Feodorov - 3 goals
J. d'Anjou - 2 goals
M. Urt-Urumqi - 2 goals
J. Song - 1 goal
H. Zerbst - 1 goal

http://img214.imageshack.us/img214/3189/sportsnetrv9bw.png
SportsnetRV Soccer Central

Marceau Does it Again.This time on Rorysville Soil as the Inter Country Battle heated up this time with a pair of Red Cards on each sides.Marceau Beat up on RV early with a rough foul in the 16 yard box resulting in a red card for Marceau's Jaques Mallar and a Penalty Kick for RV's Adam Negeuanne Negeuanne would net the PK and put RV up 1 -0 Marceau would answer on two straight goals in the end of the first half. RV would get it's red card at the 50 min mark when Alexander Nikolishin elbowed Maxime Fréchette while they were going up for a header.the card would put both sides at 10 all. at the 65th minute RV's Jaun Pérez would net the tieing goal on a beatifull bending shot past Cossile. The teams would exchange an uglyness at the 88th minute as Jean-Simon Allard took Mark Schweitzer out with a hard takle leading to Charles Hinton taking a swing at JS Allard and a mele broke out after the teams were seperated and all was sorted out Allard and Hinton recived Red Cards and would get an early shower. after the play calmed down the ref signaled 7 minutes of stoppage time at the 6th minute of Stoppage Martin Fréchette would break through the RV defense and Blast a shot to the upper left corner beating Larionov and winning the game for Marceau.
"Well again the Ugliness of Marceau showed again. I don't have anything else worth saying. I've just been told I have been fired. "--Coach McKlintok
"The Game was a very High Spirited one I hope the players on both sides can play in harmony one day. As fo the Firing of Coach McKlintok I don't want to comment on that he has done more for soccer in our nation than anyone else in history. It's a shame Rorysville wasn't better this year but they are a tough squad and a lot tougher this go around."--Coach Vignault

As for the Reliving of Coach McKlintok the RVFA had this to say

Coach McKlintok and us were at a difference of oppinion on how the National team was to be handled. We will announce his replacement at a press confrence later on.


Scoring Summary

SportsnetRV Man of the Match-Martin Fréchette
Moosledge Systems Player of the Game-A.Negeuanne
SLAM Sports Player of the Match-Mark Cossile
SportsnetMR Man of teh Match-Martin Fréchette

Rorsyville WC XXIX Schedule
MD1- Sativaville D 2-2
MD2- @ Marceau L 6-3
MD3- @ Horzel D 0-0
MD4- @ Squornshelous L 6-1
MD5- Dance 2 Revolution L 2-0
MD6- Anathematic Republics L 4-0
MD7- @ Sarvoski W 4-0
MD8- @ Sativaville W 4-2
MD9- Marceau L 3-2
MD10- Horzel
MD11- Squornshelous
MD12- @ Dance 2 Revolution
MD13- @ Anathematic Republics
MD14- Sarvoski

Group 1
Dance 2 Revolution 0:0 Squornshelous
Anathematic Republics 4:0 Horzel
Sativaville 2:1 Sarvoski

"We what?!"

"We won, sir."

"Bullshit."

"No bull, sir, 3-1 victory over Harlesburg, the report just came in."

"Well now you're obviously lying to me, sure it's believable that we beat the 3rd ranked team in the group, not so amazing if you ask me, but 3-1, my ass."

"Would you like to see the report, sir?"

"Fine."

Reporter Joe Lohos of the AwalKB Football Report and The AwalKB Times looks down at the sheet of paper faxed in by his field reporter Alan Hoyas from Harlesburg.

"Now do you believe me?"

"No, get Alan on the phone immediately."

"But sir he's on his flight to Virginia Nova to cover the next game."

"And?"

"And, well, alright one second."

The assistant takes out his cellular phone and dials.

"Alan? Where are you? Are you sure you can talk while on the plane? Alright if you say so, hold on Joe wants to talk to you. Here."

Lohos takes the phone and glares at his assistant.

"Alan? Are you positive you got this scoresheet right? 3 to 1 in our favor?! This better not be some kind of moronic joke because I swear to god I'll kill both you and this idiot standing in front of me. Fine, but I swear to god, fine, bye."

Lohos glares at his assistant once more.

"Well what the hell are you waiting for?! Go write that god damn article and put my name on it!!"

"Yes sir, I'll be right on it, do you want me to send in the camera guy so you can start up on the Football Report?"

"Sure, whatever."

"Alright."

The assistant walks out the door and Lohos sits down at his desk and stares at the wall.

"AwalKB, three, Harlseburg, one. Ah, gotta love football."

The camera guy walks into the room looking like he just woke up.

"Hey Joe, you wanted to see me?"

"Yea, we got a report to do."

"I thought you said we weren't making any more reports unless the AwalKB team won."

"Well, they did."

"Yesterday? Against Harlesburg?"

"Yep."

"Bullshit."

"Believe me I said the same thing, here's the scoresheet from Alan. And don't ask to talk to him, I already did."

"Wow, never woulda thought, to bad for us I guess, no day off today."

"Yep, oh well, lets get to work, have anything in mind for an intro?"

"How about we throw one of those little boxes in the corner with a picture of all three goalscorers with the title 'AwalKB Wins?!' then you'll start off by saying, 'That's right ladies and gentlemen, the AwalKB Sex Gods defeated 66 ranked Harlesburg yesterday in a dominating 3-1 victory.'"

"Sounds good to me, lets get in the studio and iron this out."

Both grudgingly leave and wonder what they did wrong to deserve this.

Virginia Nova 1

Sexy Games 1

Virginia Nova is Fading faster than a painting in the Arizona Sun. This time the result is a 1-1 tie against SG. The game started at 7:00 and thus it was a night game. The action was ver little in the first half as SG missed two penelty kicks,Both by Midfield #10. With the score nil-nil at the half both team's went to the locker and had ther pep talks. now with the half over, SG came out of the starting blocks fast and scored just five minute's in. But for the Eagles it looked desperate. until 82:01 when ot of nowhere Jimmy Hellios Plucked the ball away from a defender and out of nowhere scored Tying the game at one. Which would be the final result.

Our next game is gonna be against AwalKB who upset Harelesburg today and will be a tough opponent.

OOC: Last RP for awhile I'm gonna be gone till wednesday with zero computer acsess

Anticlimax

Neither side can find an opening and we'll have to wait till next time
Squornshelous and Dance 2 Revolution played to their second draw of qualifying, remaining tied for points for the lead of Group 1, with the Pschychoes just ahead on goal difference. This time, the penalty kicks that allowed both goals of the last match were absent, and neither team could generate enough chances to score. The match was quite physical, with quite a lot of stoppage for fouls and a few cards issued on both sides. For Squornshelous, Franz Peterson was given a yellow card in the 34th minute for an especially hard tackle against Fauchgar Maeda, who was left writhing on the ground in apparant pain, but was able to play on. Earlier on, in just the 9th minute. Vasili Petrov was also cautioned for unsportsmanlike conduct, when he exchanged a few choice words with Xinza Uto, who was sent off for tackling and injuring Petrov earlier in qualifying. Throughout the game, it was evident that there was no love lost between these sides, and towards the end, it became necessary to pause for free kicks every other minute, due to constant fouling on both sides.

Final Score:
Squornshelous 0-0 Dance 2 Revolution

Squornshelous' Scorers:
V. Petrov: 5
Xenakis: 4
Khabarov: 3
O. Petrov: 3
Syvatov: 3
Harris: 2
Kamaka: 1
Peterson: 1

This is Vic Rauter from the TSN soccer network, bringing you the results of the Quakmybush - Athestic Right World Cup 29 qualifying match. The national team came out and played very well in the 1st half having 81% possession. However, they only managed one real quality shot on the Athestic Right keeper. The team kept their momentum in the second half. Andrew Plett scored 1 minute and 45 seconds into the second half. The team then continued to keep the ball away from their opponents. Cam Carroll made a beutiful save in extra time to keep the team in the lead. The team now sits 3rd in their group tied with Tylenia, but losing on goal differencial. Tommorrow the squad faces undefeated Mcpsychoville in a very important match. Last time the team faced Mcpsychoville the result was a 1-0 loss. The team played well but couldnt find the net. The team will have to play high pressure offence to keep the game close.

ooc: this is like my best RP

http://i14.photobucket.com/albums/a318/stormgiantxxxl/ASMVFNN.jpg

Sea Dragons Fall To Paladins

This is Kellan Kildan reporting live from Stadii Se Draggonnii Arcea

On MD2, ASMV handed NMS their only loss thus far in these qualifiers- a 2-0 home loss for the Paladins. Round 2 was not so great for the Sea Dragons today. NMS made the trip to ASMV for revenge. And that is just what they got in a 2-0 victory on our home pitch. The only surprise from the series between the top two sides in Group11 is where the matches were won. A split was exactly what the Sea Dragons had hoped for. But anyone guessing the home sides would have won. Instead it was the other way around.

The win has almost certainly sealed the Group 11 championship for NMS. They now boast 24 points while we are six points back at 18. Unless the Paladins have a horrid run to the finish, it will be impossible to catch them on the table.

So where does that leave the Sea Dragons? Solidly in second. Three sides each have 11 points on the table. Yafor 2, Geisenfried, and The Footie Dream Team. (Lisburn Mateys has 10 points) Seven points is a huge hill to climb so lets evaluate the chances.

Yafor 2. We would give them a shot but they really seem to love the CoH. Best side of the bunch - easily.
Geisenfried. Very capable squad who needs more experience. Will be dangerous though.
Footie Dream Team. Let their nightmare begin.
Lisburn Mateys. Should be a close run for third with Yafor 2 and Geisenfried.

Friends Watch:
Cuation drew 1-1 with Intyny
Tadjikistan topped Nedalia 1-0
Dorian and Sonya crushed Tecpatl 3-0
Michama fell 1-2 to The Archregimancy
Ariddia somehow topped Jeruselem 3-2. Wow!

Elven Times
A Fire in the Wind

Despite going into half with a 2-2 draw, the Marauders again had a dissapointing 2nd half. All but two of the Marauders losses have come off of 2nd half let down. The only positive that can come from the match was that Rikard got his 2nd goal in his 3rd cap, and Riot quieted her critics for the moment with a goal of her own.

Fortunately for the Marauders, they will have their starting 11 back next game as everyone who recieved a red in the massacre against Audioslavia has served their suspension. With the latest from the pitchm this is Ron Santapa signing off.

Updated Schedule
Win Loss Draw

Matchday 1: Audioslavia 4 V 2 Marauders
Matchday 2: Marauders 3 V 0 Spammanian Plijous
Matchday 3: Haraki 6 V 1 Marauders
Matchday 4: Marauders 2 V 0 System Karela
Matchday 5: Cuation 4 V 0 Marauders
Matchday 6: Marauders 3 V 0 Intyny
Matchday 7: Marauders 1 V 3 Becquerelia
Matchday 8: Marauders 0 V 4 Audioslavia
Matchday 9: Spaamanian Plijous 5 V 2 Marauders
Matchday 10: Marauders V Haraki
Matchday 11: System Karela V Marauders
Matchday 12: Marauders V Cuation
Matchday 13: Intyny V Marauders
Matchday 14: Becquerelia V Marauders

Goal Scorers
Kyla Night - 5
Zacharius - 4
Harden Swent - 2
Nikali Rikard - 2
Victoria Riot - 1

AwalKB Football Report

We'll get back to you're local programming in just a minute, but first, we have a huge report on the AwalKB National Football team.

(((Angle changes and a box with a picture of all three goalscorers with the title 'AwalKB Wins?!' appears in the upper-right corner)))

That's right ladies and gentlemen, the AwalKB Sex Gods defeated 66 ranked Harlesburg yesterday in a dominating 3-1 victory.

(((Replay of AwalKB vs. Harlesburg action played along with commentary from Joe Lohos)))

The squad was lead by captain Andrew Wilson from the very beginning as he set the pace of the game and scored the first goal in the 22nd minute.

The score was set even just after the half in the 46th minute as Harlesburg keeper Patrick Montmorry launched a sky-rocketing punt that landed, literally in the Sex Gods net, as AwalKB goalkeeper Taylor Johnson ducked out of the way of the earth destined ball coming at him at 100 miles per hour.

Despite the score being set even just at the start of the half, the AwalKB side proved unfledgling as the side went on to control to pace of play holding a dominant 99.999999% of the possesion to the Harlesburg 0.000001%.

The dominance was rewarded with a goal in the 68th minute as midfielder Andrew Jalisanzo picked up some garbage in front of the goal to put the Sex Gods up 2-1.

This was followed 20 minutes later in the 88th minute as young star Buck Blacksmith put an easy one v. one goal past Montmorry.

(((screen cuts from replay to Joe Lohos at desk)))

With this most recent victory the Sex Gods have placed themselves at fifth within Group 3 for World Cup 29 Qualifying.

(((Screen cuts to the following board of Group 3 statistics)))


Group 3 GP W T L PTS
Starblaydia 9 9 0 0 27
Legalese 9 5 3 1 18
Bettia 9 5 2 2 17
Virginia Nova 9 3 3 3 12
AwalKB 9 3 1 5 10
Sexy Games 9 2 2 5 8
Harlesburg 9 1 2 6 5
Spindomia 9 0 3 6 3

As you can see, despite this most recent victory, the AwalKB squad has their work cut out for them, even with a victory in their next showing against Virginia Nova, they would still be behind 3rd placed Bettia by four points.

Essentially, as you can see the battle is all about grabbing that second spot for qualifying, with Starblaydia tearing it up in first place with an nine, oh, and oh record they hold the lead by nearly 10 points, nine if you really needed to know.

The contenders for this spot at the moment seem to be the squad from Legalese and Bettia who are both jockeying for the spot at the moment.

AwalKB, Virginia Nova and Sexy Games are all in close pursuit, but will have to pull something huge out of those sexy hats if they have any chance of making it into the World Cup finals.

(((Screen cuts to Joe Lohos at desk and box in upper left corner with diagonal text that says 'AwalKB vs. Virginia Nova')))

The Sex Gods next opponent as earlier stated, will be Virginia Nova. Despite earlier disputes at whether or not the match would take place in Virginia Nova or in AwalKB as their first match was played in, amazingly, both nations at the same time. The result of that match was a 5 goal thriller in which Virginia Nova saved themselves the upset by defeating the Sex God's 3-2.

With that, I return you to you're local programming, I'm Joe Lohos, we'll see you later.

(((Camera zooms out and AwalKB Football Report logo slides in from right, and screen fades to commercial)))

Konigseifert Chronicle
Let's Catch Up, Shall We?
World Cup 29 Qualifying

Well, after multiple problems that completely disabled the Konigseifert Chronicle, we're back printing on the press and back covering one of Geisenfried's biggest interests: the qualifiers for World Cup 29! The Geisenfried Golden Eagles have been sorted into Qualifying Division 11 for this Cup, and since we've been out for quite some time, we have to give a quick overview of what's happened so far in the 9 games that have been played for the qualifiers.


Geisenfried: 0
Lisburn Mateys: 1
A strong run against the Mateys ends in a loss when a late header puts Lisburn ahead, as the Golden Eagles fail to get the head start they got in WC28 qualifying.


Geisenfried: 3
Ashterrus: 3
A hat trick by Geisenfried star Samuel Wolfe prevents a second loss, but a poor defensive effort prevents the win.


Geisenfried: 2
The Footy Dream Team: 0
Geisenfried gets its first win for World Cup 29 qualifying against a not-so-dreamy team from The Footy Dream Team, as Leonard Baehr and Georg Canitz put in 2 for the Golden Eagles in the 30th and 52nd minute, respectively.


Ulyanovia: 0
Geisenfried: 0
The Golden Eagles put up a poor offensive effort, and give up a disappointing draw to the communist state of Ulyanovia.


New Montreal States: 1
Geisenfried: 0
The New Montreal States put in a quick goal from a corner. The goal spurs Geisenfried to put up an impressive defensive effort, but its for naught, as they can't equalize.


Andossa Se Mitrin Vega: 2
Geisenfried: 0
Woes continue for the Geisenfried national team as the Sea Dragons of ASMV simply outplay them, getting two goals on Ackermann.


Yafor 2: 0
Geisenfried: 1
Geisenfried manages to upset Yafor 2, the Cup of Harmony Champions from WC27 and the third seed of group 11. Wolfe got his fourth goal of the qualifiers in seventh minute, and the Golden Eagles managed to keep Yafor 2 out for the win.


Lisburn Mateys: 2
Geisenfried: 0
The Mateys continue to prove to be a pain, as Geisenfried gives up two and scores none for a loss, putting the hopes for qualification farther out of grasp.


Ashterrus: 0
Geisenfried: 2
And finally, our most recent game, as the Golden Eagles managed to get back on track with an expected victory over Ashterrus. Karl Genz, who had so far been unusually quiet for the qualifying, picked up both goals, one at the 45th and another in the 77th.

The next match, which we promise to cover much more in depth, will be against The Footy Dream Team, who we defeated in our last match and expect to do so again. The match will be in the Royal Federation.


Geisenfried Goalscorers:
Samuel Wolfe - 4
Karl Genz - 2
Leonard Baehr - 1
Georg Canitz - 1


Schedule:
Lisburn Mateys 1-0 Geisenfried
Ashterrus 3-3 Geisenfried
The Footy Dream Team 0-2 Geisenfried
Geisenfried 0-0 Ulyanovia
Geisenfried 0-1 New Montreal States
Geisenfried 0-2 Andossa Se Mitrin Vega
Geisenfried 1-0 Yafor 2
Geisenfried 0-2 Lisburn Mateys
Geisenfried 2-0 Ashterrus
Geisenfried ?-? The Footy Dream Team
Ulyanovia ?-? Geisenfried
New Montreal States ?-? Geisenfried
Andossa Se Mitrin Vega ?-? Geisenfried
Yafor 2 ?-? Geisenfried


Group 11 GP W T L PTS GF GA GD
New Montreal States 9 8 0 1 24 19 3 16
Andossa Se Mitrin Vega 9 5 3 1 18 11 5 6
Yafor 2 9 3 2 4 11 9 8 1
Geisenfried 9 3 2 4 11 8 9 -1
The Footie Dream Team 9 3 2 4 11 5 10 -6
Lisburn Mateys 9 2 4 3 10 6 7 -1
Ulyanovia 9 2 2 4 8 6 10 -4
Ashterrus 9 1 3 4 6 8 21 -13

SPAAM SPORTS WEEKLY
NationStates' Most Notorious Sports Publication

Late Breaking News

Roskelly Goal Defeats Canucks

A 93rd minute goal to Crewenna Roskelly has delivered Spaam its first ever
win over Hockey Canadia. More details later.

Gulls' Belmore Breaks Goal Scoring Record

Spaamanian Plijous' Alan Belmore has scored a record 5 goals to defeat the
Elves Security Forces 5-2. More details later.

QSPN FOOTBALL WEEKLY

Ben Rottenburger: Welcome to Esatdio de Toro Rojo in Cuidad de Iguana for the rivalry that isn't one, Green Wombat vs. Qazox. Qazox has won all three matches between these teams and in the racous Esatdio de Toro Rojo that streak should continue.. And welcome back to Vic Ditale who took some time off to find himself i Guess..

Vic Ditale: I WAS SICK YOU DIPSY-DOO DUNKA-ROO!!! I HAD A SEVERE CASE OF LARENGYTIS. AS FOR THE MATCH TODAY, THE BLACK OXEN ARE EN FUEGO AND SHOULD STEAMROL THESE WOMBATS WITH A CAPITAL W!!!

Rottenburger: the captians shake hands and play is about to start:

Forward to the 45th minute and the first half ends as neither side has scored and i guess the Black Oxen are tired after their long practice earlier today.

Ditale: THIS HALF WAS AS BORING AS LISTENING TO MY WIFE TALK ABOUT HER SISTER'S KID.

Rottenburger: For once i agree with you there Vic. Stay tuned for what looks like a classic 2nd half.

Forward to the 65th minute and Maria Gretsky is all alone deep in Womabt territory and the defence is closing in she shoots the ball form aout 12 yds out; OFF the Crossbar, into the air and OOOOOOOHHHH MY OXEN I DONT BELIEVE WHAT I JUST SAW!!!! Maria Gretsky threw herself over the closing defender and just headed it right past Douglas Wayne, the GW keep. and the crowd goes nuts as Qazox leads now 1-0 halfway thru the 2nd half.

Forward to the 77th minute Likens, just in for Andrew Mason, lines up for the free kick, its away and GOOOOOOALLLL Alicia Gonzalez just nicked the ball right past Wayne and now the score is 2-0 late in the 2nd half.

Forward to the 86th minute and Lebeau has closed the gap to 2-1 as she just got ahead of Megia and Hassok was dead to rights and the crowd quiets abit here.

END of Match: and Qazox hold on here 2-1 and with the score from Cataduanes now flashing on the board, Cataduanes 2:4 Liverpool England Teh Crowd goes Crazy as now the Black OXen are back in 2nd place!! Join Us next week @ Estadia Pika in Pika City as Qazox hosts Benlandngdo. For Vic Ditale and QSPN, I'm Ben Rottenburger, Good Night.

FINAL MATCH STATS:
QAZOX- 2- Gretsky (3) 65'; Gonzalez (7) 77'
Green Wombat- 1- Lebeau 86'
BOOKINGS:
NONE

GREEN WOMBAT FREE PRESS
Those freaking oxen beat us again, although this time is was closer 2-1. This loss almost eliminates Green Womabt form advancement, but hopes for WC 30 were dashed today as well as the government has passed legislation banning governmental funding international sports for the next 6 years. The Wombats will be allowed to partcipate.. if invited...to either the CoH or the Dragon Thing after the cup. So these last 5 games maybe the last games GW will paly internationally unless corporate sponsorship (from anywhere..even Qazox) will help pay for the team.

In other Group 8 Action today, LE won their 8th straight match 4-2 over Catduanes, moving the Dammned OXen into 2nd place. Bazalonia beat Benlandngdo 2-1 and Tinsuvilia tied Bostopia 3-all.

The Group Standings so far after 9 matches:



TEAM W-D-L PTS GF GA GD
Liverpool England 8-1-0 22 26 6 +20
Qazox 6-0-3 18 19 16 +3
Catadaunes 4-3-2 15 23 12 +11
Bazalonia 3-3-3 12 12 9 +3
Tinsuvilia 3-3-3 12 15 15 0
Benlandngdo 2-1-6 7 9 19 -10
Green Wombat 1-3-4 6 12 22 -10
Bostopia 1-2-6 5 13 30 -17

SATIVAVILLE STONER
We tell you Where the Doritos Are!!

Humberto Pellecchia is going to make himself very rich after this cup. He scored both of the Fritos goals today in a 2-1 win against Sarvoski. He has 9 goals so far in qualifing and probably will score more.

Once again as of press time, other results are not yet available, but D2R and Squornshelous are tied 0:0 late in the 2nd half. For the Stoner, I'm Monty Python and wrap it before you tap it.

Dear diary,

Well, yet another comforting win today...Vicente really proved me wrong this time. If only Yoshi lived up to his early promise...but Carel has proved to be a revelation in the team. All he needs is a chance in the big time...what a pity he's stuck in an amateur team...maybe if a big foreign club comes in he'll get the big break he really deserves. But enough crap...it's gonna be a big match tomorrow. Hockey Canada is not going to be easy to beat...but it's not impossible...but massive changes are underway...formation change? Player change? I don't really know yet...but what I know is that we've got much more info on them now than the last time we met. So game on HC!

D

The Giant Zucchini Department of Statistics and Other Useless Facts Presents:
Giant Zucchini's Top Scorers Chart
6 Carel Hals
2 Yoshikatsu Nakamura
1 Arturo di Zampieri
1 Jacob de Verkerk
1 Pablo Perez
1 Vicente de Silva

Paladins get a measure of respect back

Rest of qualification looms

STADII SE DRAGGONNII ARCEA, ANDOSSA SE MITRIN VEGA - In a match that, if nothing else, will go down as "longest dateline in the history of the Presse-Journal Devoir," the Paladins extracted revenge in equal measure to the humiliation inflicted by the Sea Dragons on the States at the Paladin Dome in New Montreal with a 2-0 win in front of a raucous crowd familiar with the Paladins after multiple visits to the stadium.

"This place is like home away from home, really," said Gilles Villeneuve, gesturing at the visitor's locker room. "Hell, some of the fans know our team almost as well as their own."

A reporter questioning Villeneuve and fellow forward Hubert Labranche on their performance relative to other players on the Spaamian media's list of top scorers was dismissed with a laugh.

"We're doing fine, according to coach's standards as well as our own," said Labranche.

"Balance is everything," said Villeneuve. "Something tells me a bunch of star players from various other nations will be demanding the ball as much as they can to get along up the chart. We're just in it for the points. We'd rather have five or six people making defenses pick their poison than one or two high-profile stars."

ASMV elected to put Villeneuve and Labranche on lockdown, trusting that they could blunt the midfield's threat if the point men weren't getting any decent chances. The strategy worked for the first half, with neither side on the board when the teams headed for the lockers. Halftime adjustments were made, and Hugh Faulkner headed up from the midfield to form a 2-5-3 with Faulkner in the center, Villeneuve on the right and Labranche to the left.

The Sea Dragons strategy was a bit thrown off, but they elected to continue to try and choke off the forwards. Stopping three talented frontmen proved to be a bit more difficult than stopping two, and Labranche managed to set up Charles Pilon 60 minutes into play for a lead.

As the ASMV side shifted to try and save a point, the Paladins found opening for counterattacks. Several great plays were made by the Sea Dragon keeper Shaun Conarky until Faulkner managed to sell him a dummy to the right before tapping into the lower lefthand corner for the second goal.

After that, the States collapsed back into a 4-6-0 and wound down the remaining fifteen minutes with aplomb. Yafor 2, away, beckons, and the beginning of the traditional NMS second-half slide will probably start at the hands of the Golden Wolves.

PALADINS 2 - Pilon 56, Faulkner 76
ANDOSSA SE MITRIN VEGA 0

TOURNAMENT SCORING

Faulkner 4
H. Labranche 4
Villeneuve 4
Pilon 2
Tessier 2
Hunyadi 1
Plattsburgh 1
Toussaint 1

http://img214.imageshack.us/img214/3189/sportsnetrv9bw.png
SportsnetRV Soccer Central

Rorysville Annonuces Replacement for the Outgoing Coach McKlintok.

After Carefull Review and much consideration we have terminated the contract of Coach McKlintok his comments made about Marceau and players as well as the referees and press were a major problem his unwillingness to appologize was the major factor the Team was told and they have accepted this change. It was viewed as nescicarry as the National A Squad has underperformed in the twentyninth installment of the Soccer World Cup.In doing all of this we are proud to announce that we have promoted from within the new Coach of RV's national A Squad will be Mark Merriles.
Merriles was the Coach of the B squad for the past 6 years and has done great things at that level including guiding it into it's first International Tournament.He will bring a commanding demeaner to the coaching ranks. His drive for perfection and discapline will lead the team in the direction we want the National Program to go. Replacing Merriles ion the B squad will be long time assistant Jason Barclay.

http://timesunion.com/Shared/Graphics/NewsDB/AP/BRUINS%20LEWIS%20HOCKEY%20f0662dac-dfcc-4c9a-91df-3a1f9fa67f21_TN.jpg--Coach Merriles answering the Reporters Questions

"I am honoured to be at the uppermost level of Rorysville coaching.I look forward to our next game when I get to take to the pitch as a Manager of the National squad.I will make a couple slight roster changes to improve what I view is the teams performance problems"--Coach Merriles

Due to the Red Cards here is Rorysville's Starting 11 for it's next match
GK-Nikolai Larionov
LB-Steve Simmons
CB-Rick MacDonnel
RB-David DeSalle
LM: Anatolli Svernetsiev
LCM: Jaun Pérez
RCM: Adam Lenevue
RM: Mark Schweitzer
LF: Adam Negeuanne
CF: Mike Jasper
RF: Dan Decost

Satan and Morseley were conferring in Pandemonium stadium. The Forces of Hell™ were engaged in their traditional "downward spiral back to from whence they came," and changes had to be made, quickly.

"Filon will have to go, of course," said Satan. "Why, exactly, have I let him slide along so long?"

"Let's see - you decided to give him a season's grace..."

"That was THREE BLOODY SEASONS AGO!"

"Then you locked yourself in a conference room over the Indianapolis Colts' running back situation - how's that going, incidentally?"

"Don't go there."

"Then Hypocria's qualifying froze us over, and we've been digging ourselves out from that ever since. Quite literally, in fact. But he's out of excuses now."

"Quite true. Meet our new coach, Lion."

The name sounded vaguely familiar to Morseley. He thought for a split second. "The Atheistic Right bomber dude?"

"The one, the only."

Morseley turned to Lion. "Boy, what I would've given to see your face when you found out there was eternity after all."

Lion quietly replied: "Like I haven't heard that one from every single demon in this place."

"Have fun hearing it some more."

Satan continued: "Do you want to continue on that whole Karela lark?"

"For now, sure."

"Alright, that'll be your call, you can make changes there as you want. Where's the booze at?" He turned to Lion. "Welcome to our strategy session." He rang a small silver bell and succubi bearing kegs of rum rushed into the room and locked the door behind them.

Morseley grinned between chugs of a huge tankard of rum. "Job's a lot better than sitting around in a giant firepit all day bouncing off the wall from various explosions, aint it?"

Lion could only nod in stunned agreement.

http://i40.photobucket.com/albums/e228/Sonya0111/SylMedCen.png

Unicorns Avoid The Guillotine

Queen Sonya Sabre was so disgusted with the performance of the Mystical Unicorns that she refused to attend today’s match against Tecpatl. Obviously the decision not to appear did inspire the squad to play much better in fear of the guillotine rumored to be under construction for the “restructuring” of the squad.

The defense came out on fire and refused to allow Tecpatl to get anywhere near a scoring attempt. Tisa Laos, Nessa Ellessedil, and Taunya Skursky all played like all-world backs and keeper Daniella Riskin was a literal wall in front of the goal. Rejistania would have been very proud of their efforts.

The offense also performed much better. In the 16th minute Tári Falassion found Zana Jablon for the first of three Unicorn goals on the day. Maurita Deni would find Avril Auerswald just three minutes later to put the Unicorns ahead 2-0.

The series of the day came in the 74th minute. Brigette Deteso made a brilliant steal and moved the ball forward to Nátulcien Eluch`div`. The Tecpatl defense closed in, not wanting to go down by three goals. Tári Falassion would find the ball next but had nowhere to go. But Auserwald broke free for the pass forward. When nothing presented itself, she passed back to Deteso who in turn made a quick pass to Jablon. Zana got off a quick shot but it was knocked down by the Tecpatl keeper. Auserwald retrieved the loose ball but was immediately tackled. A dog pile on the ball resulted. Then the small left foot of Altáriël Telperiën managed to break the ball loose and it slowly trickled over the line while the Tecpatl keeper was too busy watching the pile up. End result - D&S 3-0 Tecpatl.

The win moved D&S back up to 5th on the table and closing in on Kelse for 4th. 3rd place seems to be a longshot as Kericia is pushing hard to overtake Rejistania.

Next up is a home match with Aigosthena. If luck and fear of the guillotine hold up, this should be three more points for our girls.

Group 7 Roundup. Rejistania downed group leaders Sarzonia 2-1. Kericia dropped Aigosthena 3-1. Kelse and Snubby drew 1-1.
G W D L Pts GD GF GA
Sarzonia 9 6 2 1 20 12 18 6
Rejistania 9 5 4 0 19 6 9 3
Kericia 9 6 1 2 19 5 15 10
Kelse 9 3 2 4 11 -2 12 14
Dorian and Sonya 9 3 1 5 10 -1 12 13
Snub nose 38point1 9 2 3 6 9 -4 9 13
Tecpatl 9 1 4 4 7 -5 9 14
Aigosthena 9 1 1 7 4 -11 5 16

The National Informant



Well, that's Embarrasing


Well, I suppose the run for last was too much to hope for.
The Team, in an entirely shocking move, beat Matterbuggy 3-0. That's right, avid readers, not one goal was scored on them. We're extremely embarrased, and not because our offices the Justtundra Times' offices 12'000 Curses. This was unexpected, and we were shocked to see how they did it.

The Team arrived on the pitch, looking suspiciously unarmed. Only Devious Penguin, Fnab Fnab, and Mrs. Tweezly were obviously, and Mrs. Tweezly only had her usual meterstick. As the match began, Devious penguin pressed a button on a knobby device he was carrying, and the sun was suddenly blotted out by several huge planes. As the shapes passed over head, they spewed a thick, dense smoke from their rears, causing the sky to turn pitch black, and the air turned as dark as night. In the stands, the only sounds were thuds, cracks, loud 'squaaarcks', a sudden outbreak of extremely shocking cursing, a clang, and then a lot of smacks and thwacks.
When the smoke cleared, no goals had been scored, but the majority of both teams lay upon the ground, bleeding from various parts of the body. Little occured during the rest of the first half, although some spectacular work by DMYS was seen, as the Slime Mold was the only defender active, and three Matterbuggyians were attacking(one was trying to assault DMYS, but only ended up slipping on his victim, and falling face-first into a large portion of yellow slime). Willie Dee was wrestling with The Extremely Dangerous Hair, which had apparently eaten Wild Penguin.

During the second half, only ten players limped back onto the field. Wild Penguin, Obese Penguin, Fnab Fnab, Mrs. Tweezly, Willie Dee + Extremely Dangerous Hair, and Devious Penguin were missing, and the only Matterbuggians were Scott Leech, Danny Bonard, Hubert Legy, Michael Cowil, and Matt Lowry. Outnumbered five to five, The Team looked like it was going to lose again, but Irritated Penguin, DMYS, and ABSOLUT LUNATIC had planned on winning. They drubbed the Matterbuggians, and Matt Lowry is threatening a law suit against LUNATIC, after The Team's Captain threw the Matterbuggian Captain into the stands, where Lowry was subject to the terrifying adoration of hundreds of fans, each of which wanted a scrap of Lowry's kit. The Matterbuggian Striker returned to the pitch almost naked, and very bruised. Other fared worse, as Irritated Penguin attacked Keeper Leech due to Leech's unfortunate name. It was possibly the most unfair reason for being beaten into your own goal post. Bonard, facing DMYS, got nervous and ran away, unfortunately he ran into Normal Penguin, who attempte to peck his eyes out, but failed due to size difference, and ended up with Bonard on the ground clutching his groin in an agonized way.
During the frenzied fighting, Furious Porrigde managed to score three times, although LUNATIC got in the way as many times as he could, and Leech blocked most shots, until Irritated attacked him, and then Leech was considerably less coordinated on his feet.
Later, Wild Penguin came racing out onto the pitch, with the Extremely Dangerous Hair in hot pursuit, dragging the hapless Willie Dee with it. This caused a pack of feral lawyers to descend upon the pitch, due to a copyright issue with the type of hair gel the Extremely Dangerous Hair wore in order to play properly, as well as several gangs of dangerous Football Officials demanding to know whether the hair gel was a performance-enhancing drug. The game was ended after one of the lawyers prodded an official in the chest, and all hell broke loose.
There is still choas in the area, and people are encouraged to avoid the area, as the Army is planning on pouring some napalm over it in order to solve the problem.

Chicanada Daily Rabbler
Where Proper Analysis Goes To Die

Clinch?
Reserves Get A Tie, But Others Help Move The Whatevers Along

Eastentown - No, we still forget we are the ORANGE STARS. Not Kodiaks. But Stars.

Anyways, the reserve's of Malli's side took the Mountainside Fairgrounds against Third England, giving the starters a break and letting Yerevan probably get a chance to test some new plans. Sure, a 2-all result is disappointing at home against the 191st ranked team, but it wasn't a loss and the Stars have that to be thankful for.

Helen J'ian and Adam Smith each scored their first goal of the qualifying campain, hers in the 12th minute to even things up after a sneaky goal by Third England and his in the 65th to bring it to 2-all. The Stars looked sluggish, but with most of the squad getting their first ever starts, it was to be expected. Most stars, including leading scorer Michael Klobee and lead keeper Alex Nespin rested in preparation of their matchup with The Archregimancy, which (thanks to their win over Milchama) are barely ahead of the Oranges for the lead.

The National side did get help, with both Milchama and Kaze Progressa dropping matches today. The Orange Stars are looking close to their third ever Finals but Malli said he would not rest players in prep for such a feat, for anything can still happen this late in the game and thinking too far ahead could be the death of the side.

Leading Scorers:
5 - Michael Klobee
4 - Malacki Uroals
4 - Damarus Bastian
3 - Niam Washington
2 - Livingston O'Mier
1 - Helen J'ian
1 - Alex Hedlon
1 - Adam Smith

Official Chicanada Schedule
MD01- W 3-2 Tessan (Starburst Park, Spears Crossings)
MD02- W 4-2 Third England
MD03- T 0-0 The Archregimancy (New Governess Palace, Kinsington)
MD04- W 4-2 Milchama
MD05- W 3-2 Iaukea (Sacred Heart Terrace, Bishop)
MD06- T 1-1 Kaze Progressa 2nd
MD07- W 2-1 East Lithuania
MD08- W 2-1 Tessan
MD09- T 2-2 Third England (Mountainside Fairgrounds, Castille)
MD10- @ The Archregimancy
MD11- v Milchama (TroutCo Field, Cana)
MD12- @ Iaukea
MD13- v Kaze Progressa (Southampton National Square)
MD14- v East Lithuania (Cananite Pavillion, Paradiso)

In more scary news, the ever-friendly and curtious and polite and nifty Schiavonia side might be laughin in fits at the collapse of Risa-Aramour. Just three matches ago the team was within touching distance of a qualifying slot, down only due to goal diff. Since then, they have been shot down 11-0 in three games, easily making the side tempting for the Wooden Spoon award. While the 3-0 loss at home to Schiavonia was bad and the 2-0 loss to Vuam and Isla was expected (with RA winning at V&I), no one expected the 6-0 thrashing by Mr Chuck Norris. Indeed, Mr. Chuck Norris delivered a menaching roundhouse to the longhorns chances of even a top four finish and make matches against Northern Caesarea, Zychibastan and Warrior Treblah all the more imparative. No word if Olani Pjan has eaten her hat for the thrashing she gave the Schiavonia press.

Jeruselem Government News

Shockers for our teams - ALL of them

It's not every day, all the teams we cover lose. Well, today is the day.

Firstly, Jeruselem lost their first game. We did lose to a superior Ariddia team on the day and we did actually score goals but the Crusaders went down 2-3. We've beaten Arridia, but today Arridia showed why they are winning games of late and their win against Jeruselem is not real shock as we played the real Arridia today - the last time we played, they were just starting up. Debbie Dallas did not play today due her arm playing which was injuring during the Women's World Cup 2 which we won.

Wentland slammed Artoonia 3-1 and well, is making the bottom half of the group look like amateurs. Ariddia and Wentland are class teams, that's why we cannot underestimate them at all. They win games, and that's how you qualify.

The others - boring draws, both 1 ALL. Elrich, Mahaliastan, Khenas and Sliponia got one point each but seriously - to catch the top 3 they need wins as the top 3 will play each other early and then move to them later. They need to take advantage now of losses when the top teams play each other.

Group 6 - Both the Ians and Nedalia lost 0-1. Tadjikistan had trouble with Lions but this super-team prevailed in a close game 1-0 over a gallant Lions team who were unlucky to lose. No shame for the Lions, as they don't play the Tigers again so it's not all bad news. Molvania lost to the Ians last time they played but Molvania had their revenge. The Ians went down 0-1 but we cannot be too hard on them, they are playing well for a young world cup team.

Spaam shocked Hockey Canada 1-0 and the Canadian's had now lost two games (compared to Jeruselem's one so far). No panic we say, as all teams will lose games and it's better to lose them when qualifying than when it really counts in the finals.

Reprints of Rachel Kool Calendar have been ordered as Jeruselem fans have cleaned out the first run. The next batch run should available next week, and we are working on Women's World Cup II calendar with images from the tournament we won. For older fans, no calendar for Rachel's mum, Anna Goldstein who reported on so many World Cups as she says she's too old and ugly these days. She want fans to look at her daughter instead.

Group 6
Nedalia 0:1 Tadjikistan
Molvania 1:0 Iansisle

Group 14
Ariddia 3:2 Jeruselem
Elrich 1:1 Mahaliastan
Wentland 3:1 Artoonia
Khenas 1:1 Sliponia

Group 9
Spaam 1:0 Hockey Canada

OOC - For Spaam
Goals = 21

Strikers (12)
Takahashi Masurashi 5
Geoff Shout 3
"Druggie" Bob Dopan 0
Keanu Reeves 1
Robert Hoot 3

Midfield (9)
WB Tree 0
Olmat Masha 0
Smaski Duboski 1
Carrie Fisher 1
Penny Handi 3
Debbie Dallas 4

Defense (0)
Cain MacBeth 0
Able MacBeth 0
"Stumpy" Moshe Gonda 0
Penny Gadget 0
Joseph Hermit 0
Ima Blocka 0

"Jay, do you know why my head feels inside-out?"

"That's probably because you spent all last night getting hammered, Sam. I not only disapprove of your filthy habit, but also of the reason for your celebration."

"Why was I drinking again?"

"It was to toast the fact that the Ians lost to Molvania. And then you fell in with a bunch of Molvanians and wandered off, hitting each pub along the way to our hotel until they kicked you out."

"Oh, yeah, those loser Ians. haha. Ouch! - hurts to laugh. And where are we now?"

"We're back in Ianapalis, supposedly wrapping up our coverage of Matchday Nine. I had to keep turning you over on the flight to keep you from drowning in your own bodily fluids."

"Oh, right."

"Now then, in the studio today we have --"

"Jay, why does my head hurt?"

"Sam, a hangover is God's way of telling you not to root against your own national side. Now why don't you go have a nap in the corner while I conduct an interview?"

"Ok. Zzzzz."

"That's better. As I was saying, in the studio today we have none other than Ians coach Alexander Truman! How are you, Alex?"

"I've been better, Jay."

"Haven't we all? Now, then, Alex --"

"Mr Truman, please."

"Erm, right. Now, then, Mr Truman: a lot of armchair coaches were critical of your decision to commit the midfield to the attack in the game against the Tigers. Today, we saw them playing a bit further back. Does this mean that you've admitted that the fans were right?"

"Nothing of the sort, Jay. Our first game against Tadjikistan, we played in a defensive posture the entire time and still gave up three goals. The Tigers simply have too good of an attacking line. This second game, I decided to play more aggressively and we found that their defence is far easier to counter than their offense. The score could have easily been a three-all draw -- you'll remember Copplestone's shot off the crossbar just before stoppage?"

"Of course."

"Molvania, on the other hand, we played defensively and came away with a one-zero win at home in our first meeting. I tried to work the same magic yesterday and it didn't come our way."

"With two losses in their last two outings, a lot of people are saying that your Cinderella story, to use the most obnoxious cliché in sports reporting, has reached midnight."

"Jay, I won't deny that there's a mountain to be climbed, but I think that we can still pull off a slot for the finals. Nedalia lost to the Tigers, meaning that we're still within striking distance of the second position."

"Well, folks, there you have it. Thanks you for your time, Alex -- erm, Mr Truman."

"You're quite welcome, Jay."

"Signing off, we've been Jay McYule and 'Toothless' Sam St Pierre. Don't forget to hurrah the Ians!"

'Good evening viewers, I am Simon Orlitsa again, today with national coach Piotr Monhakyiev in Sportsweekend. Welcome Mr Monhakyiev to the studio.'

'Thankyou Simon, Its a pleasure being here.'

'Certainly in these circumstances, nothing but positive comment has reached us these past few matches with a strong national team climbing away from all its rivals in group 6.'

'Yes, thats correct Simon, we do have 7 points more than Nedalia in the rankings and although I dont expect this to go wrong, we should still be careful. Alot can happen in the last five games.'

'But four out of five matches are played in the Isserson Stadium, with thousands of screaming Tadjiks behind the Tigers.'

'Once more I would like to remind everyone of the words that Bahrom Sadirov spoke earlier in this campaign and say that "Its only over when its over".'

'Well, I wont deny that. But lets get back to Tadjikistans last game in Nedalia because it has shown a few interesting things.'

'Thats possible, for the first time I have not gone for an allout offensive style, Pavel Zverev, a 30-year old veteran, took Yarygins place and made our team a bit more defensive in its play. Against talented squads such as Nedalia, I preffered to put veterans on the field, people who are used to playing on enemy terrain.'

'Good choice, but an extra defending midfielder meant that, in this case especially Berzarin and Zyrianov, the strikers would receive less passes.'

'Oh wait before you critisize that; Elisarov and Berzarin worked almost exclusivly for Tulberdiev. I think we all remember that Tulberdiev remained unemployed in Iansisle, so I wanted to bring him back into thegame and it paid of, he had more scoring opportunities than any other player out there.'

'Too bad the Nedalians had an excellent goalkeeper.'

'With all the assists the midfielders sent towards Tulberdiev and Tulberdievs talent, it was only a matter of time before we'd score. In the Nedalian defense we have two older defenders Khadra and Lamm, respectivly 34 and 35 years old. While they are experienced players, they lack the speed to keep up with Tulberdiev and his helpers. All Tulberdiev had to do was free himself from the defenders who had to cover him and score. And he did, he beat Dans with a header in the 62nd minute.'

'It could have gone wrong though, the Nedalian Lions did not give up so easily.'

'No, they fought back, they defintly did. Most danger came from James, whose shots had to be blocked by Suchomlinov until I put Gyurza on him. Together with Korshak they were able to intervene with most of his move. Though I have to admit that he's good and escpaed his guard from time to time. But thats exactly what I expect from a man who gains his experience in a Krytenian Club.'
'It was a bit of a gamble to play like this and focus on one striker but its the result that counts. And we won. Now we'll have to secure the qualification and win those last few matches.'

'First, against The Kazoo Peoples...'

'In Dushanbe, with the fans supporting us. Those Kazoo's managed to beat the Tigers, but that was before I led them, I say its time we get some revenge.'

'So do I.'



There's no unofficial table like Tadjikistans unofficial table

Group 6 GP W T L PTS GD GF GA
Tadjikistan 9 8 0 1 24 17 25 8
Nedalia 9 5 2 2 17 4 11 7
Molvania 9 4 3 2 15 0 11 11
Iansisle 9 3 2 4 11 -3 9 12
The Kazoo Peoples 9 4 2 3 14 1 14 13
Kirstiriera 9 2 3 4 9 -4 11 15
Ozzelia 9 1 4 4 7 -6 12 18
Dicuban 9 1 1 7 4 -10 5 15


And the rest of the usual crap
Fixtures:
MD1: Tadjikistan - Iansisle W 3-0
MD2: Tadjikistan - Nedalia W 2-0
MD3: The Kazoo Peoples - Tadjikistan L 1-2
MD4: Tadjikistan - Kirstiriera W 4-1
MD5: Molvania - Tadjikistan W 1-4
MD6: Ozzelia - Tadjikistan W 2-4
MD7: Dicuban - Tadjikistan W 0-3
MD8: Iansisle - Tadjikistan W 2-3
MD9: Nedalia - Tadjikistan W 0-1
MD10: Tadjikistan - The Kazoo Peoples
MD11: Kirstiriera - Tadjikistan
MD12: Tadjikistan - Molvania
MD13: Tadjikistan - Ozzelia
MD14: Tadjikistan - Dicuban

Tadjik Topscorers
Tulberdiev - 9
Zyrianov - 7
Berzarin - 4
Elisarov - 3
Nabiyev - 1
Yarygin - 1

Benlandngdo top scorers:
Number 14: 8
Number 7: 1

Streak Goes On
Record extends to 9-0-0

Starblaydia march on. Not many teams go to Bettia and thrash them 4-0, but Starblaydia just did. It was a lot of fun for the average fan, as our Bettian hosts laid on all the trimmings to make Starblaydi's feel at home, though you couldn't turn around without seeing a pie shop. Starblaydi fans were as bouyant as ever, execpt for their travelling contingent of Dwarven fans who appeared to be sleeping throughout the entire match holding their larger-than-usual bellies. They had a lot to cheer on as Starblaydia tore through the overly-attacking intentions of the Bettians.

Once again it was Jackie Maitland, scoring her sixth in three matches to dent Bettia's hopes of a win early doors. Her striking partner Keifner found the net a few minutes later with his fifth goal so far, forcing the Bettians to rethink their play. Switching to a style with more focus on possession rather than sheer all-out attacking, Bettia had several good chances before the end of the first half, Jason Abdullah having the best of the chances with a shot that David Bedford just palmed wide.

Azanulbizarn, however, seemingly had a plan for this. Despite sitting on the bench half-asleep for most of the first half, a half-time team talk obviously re-vitalised Starblaydia's efforts, as Jackie Maitland beat Ricardo DiTorino for the second time in the match with her ninth goal in nine games. Jaime Oberlander, Under-21 coach assisting Azanulbizarn and Evans for this campaign, seemed particularly pleased.

Finally subsitute Maivia Von Erich rounded off the decimation as he slotted beyond DiTorino for four. Thirty-three goals in nine games for Starblaydia, with still just a single goal conceeded. Nine straight clean sheets and, still, the best record of any Qualifier so far. The defending Champions are on course for another title.

The Schiavone Scribe
Tarmey Back In Form
Schiavonia 3-2 Fmjphoenix

Tony Tarmey saw Schiavonia home in a real end-to-end battle that thrilled the crowds and sent them home happy.

For a striker that has been so self-admittedly out of form, this performance and the two goals have put Schiavone minds at rest. Tony Tarmey is back!

Two clinical finishes at either end of the game saw off an Fmjphoenix team that refused to lie down, after battling back twice. But Schiavone resistance was futile, the sloths never gave in and eventually came out on top thanks to Tarmey's tap in from a Sanderson corner in the closing minutes.

Three-two, and it's off to Zychibastan next, as the Sloths put themselves up for a huge embarrasement of being the first team not to beat the bottom team. Knowing us, it probably will be.

Final score
Schiavonia 3 (Tarmey 7, 89, Di Mascherenasi 56)
Fmjphoenix 2 (Nolan 32, 78)

Group 2 Pl W D L F A Pts GD
Schiavonia 9 6 2 1 23 9 20 +13
Fmjphoenix 9 6 1 2 34 11 19 +19
Vuam and Isma 9 5 1 3 11 7 16 +4
Northern Caesarea 9 4 4 1 12 9 16 +3
Risa-Aramour 9 4 1 4 11 18 13 -7
Mr Chuck Norris 9 3 2 4 17 21 11 -4
Warrior Treblah 9 2 1 6 7 22 7 -15
Zychibastan 9 0 0 9 9 26 0 -17

And now, at the request of Spaamanian publication Spaam Sports Weekly, we publish Schiavonia's top scorers this cup (not including friendlies). I expect the world will probably be quite surprised that Tarmey isn't miles ahead of the rest as usual.

Jermaine EDWARDS 6
Tony TARMEY 6
Paolo DI MASCHERENASI 3
Kenny SANDERSON 2
Andy McGEE 2
Eric BERRY 2
Gareth MARSDEN 1
Jack HOLMES 1

OOC: Sorry it's short today, but it's too nice a day to be sitting inside. :P

"Okay... You can reach me on this number" said Rabbit as he pulled a pen out of his pocket and grabbed a pad of paper which he wrote down a number and gave it to Mr Smith. "Leave a message if needed, pretend that you are my Doctor, Dr Halfra. He's got a fairly deep voice. Say that you have the results of the Blood test back and need to meet me, that should be enough."


<at the hotel>

"Very well then i'll be heading off then so i can get in contact with my superiors. Just keep acting normally and everything will be fine." Smith said as he took his leave from the would-be defectors.

-------------------------------------------------------------------

“Welcome everyone to Tynelian Soccer Weekly’s continuing coverage of tynelia’s qualifying attempt for the 29th World Cup. Before our program begins hospital officials across the country wished to pass along a note that due to the sudden increase of heart attack patients rushed to hospitals in the past few hours anyone with medical training is encouraged to rush down to your local hospital and provide whatever assistance you can. The reason for this outbreak occurred shortly after the 41st minute of play when Jay Masterson scored Tynelia’s first goal in five matches which managed to be enough to allow the team to pull off a 1-0 win over Krajkovia. In other matches Quakmybush continues to keep pace with us after their 1-0 win over Tynelia’s bane the Atheistic Right. McPsychoville continued its unbeaten run with a 0-0 draw with Praying2god who also managed to grab a vital point in this match. Group disappointment Rordia fell to Tynelia’s next opponent Bothen by a 1-0 margin. So Anna, basically it still looks like no one wants to qualify here.”

“Yes Sal it certainly does, with no team other than McPsychoville able to sustain anything. Tynelia and Quakmybush both have 13 points, Atheistic Right and Praying2god both have 12 points and Krajkovia and Bothen both have 10. Six teams only a win away from each other. Tynelia finally managed to beat a lower ranked team but their chances are still tough if they want to move on with the tough part of the schedule coming up after their next match when they face the top three seeds of the group. This next match with Bothen is basically a must win for Tynelia and then they have to come up with at least a draw with Praying2god to keep them in sight. I don’t think anyone is going to knock off McPsychoville at this point so our best bet is for them to win out except against us.”

“Yes McPsychoville is having a great run here being six points up on anyone. Clearly they will be moving on. Now it’s a matter of which team in the second place pack is going to get it together enough to make a run for the other qualifying spot. Unfortunately for us Praying2god seems to have recovered from the terrorist attack against them and has gotten themselves right back in the thick of things. They have to be the favorites right now.”

“Agreed Sal, Quakmybush continues to surprise people helped by the fact that unlike most of the group they have managed to avoid all the ties which have gripped the rest of the group. So even though they are near the bottom in losses they also find themselves near the top in wins. The big question with them is how they will be able to handle the pressure towards the end as actual qualifying draws closer.”

“We’ll find out sure enough. But for now, here’s a quick chart of Tynelia’s goal scorers to this point, as few as they are.”

Jay Masterson- 3
Troy Wallace-1
Anya Collins-1

“Looking at that list Sal it’s surprising to see Alan MacDougal’s name not on that list. He’s had a bad run so far and he needs to get involved in the scoring mix if Tynelia is going to accomplish anything.”

“Very true Anna, but now let’s head over to Mike McPhee for the Top Guns report.”

“Thanks Sal, today Schiavonia upset a Fmjphoenix club that other than one match has run into some trouble offensively since their annihilation of Mr. Chuck Norris a few matches back by a 3-2 score. Spaam added to the upset column with a 1-0 win over Hockey Canada and Arridia provided the third upset with a 3-2 win over Jerusalem. Besides Praying2god, Total n Utter Insanity could only manage a 1-1 draw with Spruitland and Dance2Revolution grabbed a point off top seed Squornshelous with a scoreless draw. Then again these can’t really be considered as major shocks as this was the match day that saw all the top two seeds in each group going at it so a few losses by the top guns isn’t unexpected. The drubbing of the day goes to <static again cuts over Sal’s headset> Starblaydia with their 4-0 win over Bettia. That’s all from here Sal, expect the top guns to run into a few more problems next match as they take on their group’s third seeds.”

“OK thanks Mike. So Anna, another key match for Tynelia coming up against Bothen. A win here is pretty much a must at this point right?”

“Definitely Sal, as i said earlier, there’s too little time left in this Cup for Tynelia to let points slip away from matches with lower ranked teams. Based on the remaining schedule on paper a 2-1-2 finish is probably what most expect for us to finish with. This would sound reasonable except for the fact that Tynelia is still having trouble scoring and other teams are playing well above and below their seed. Bothen is probably the match I see us most likely to win. MsPsychoville should be a loss the way they are playing and everything else is up in the air. Praying2god has been playing below expectations so its still not certain which team will show up when they come to Tynelia trying to avenge our 1-0 win on their homefield. Rordia looks to be playing poorly so we could steal a win but they are still the third seeds and so can’t be overlooked especially with them being at home. Finally Quakmybush is the surprise of the group but fortunately we’ll be playing this final match at home which will hopefully give us the edge to win but anything can happen here.

“As far as the results? I think Tynelia will be encouraged here playing the only team they managed to score two against and should repeat that margin of victory. McPsychoville should help us out here with a 1-0 win over Quakmybush as the group leaders roll on. Praying2god seems to have gotten things back together now and I feel they will win comfortably by a 2-0 score over Rordia while the Atheistic Right keep in the mix with a 1-0 win over Krajkovia.”

“Thanks Anna, this looks to be an exciting run down the stretch as in reality all seven teams fighting for second have a reasonable chance of taking it. All one team needs is a mini 2 game winning streak and they should be in good shape to take it as the group which could be called “Group Draw” continues to stumble around aimlessly waiting for someone to take over. TSW’s coverage of the Tynelia-Bothen match will being at its usual time and we’ll be here right afterwards for the post game show. Until then this is Sal Spikeman for Anna Dalespin wishing everyone a good night.”

“Majesty! Majesty! We won!” the herald cried jubilantly as he entered the throne room.

“I see.” King John said looking up from the execution notices he was signing.

“Yes, they avenged their loss to Kaze Progressa in a glorious match.” The herald gushed oblivious that the King did not share his happiness.

“So after winning merely their second match you find this a cause for celebration?” the king asked in an icy tone causing the herald to blanch.

“Well its better than losing isn’t it?”

“Begone fool, I have no time for your foolishness.” The king demanded causing the herald to flee in fear.

This is a total disgrace, falling to defeat so many times that we have become a laughingstock on the world stage. This is unacceptable and the team must pay for their failure. Too bad the nobles get all rebellious when you start executing them for incompetence or Duke Anton would be shorter by a head. Killing the knights would foster rebellion in the army. Bah perhaps I should have loaded the team with a bunch of foolish commoners, then our defeats would be expected and executing them would be a harmless detail to take care of. Someone must pay though and I think I know the perfect choice. The king mused to himself before adding magnanimously Still if they win enough of these remaining matches perhaps I shall show my clemency and let them live. Dismissing further thought he continued to sign the death notices before him.

SPAAM SPORTS WEEKLY
NationStates' Most Notorious Sports Publication

Roskelly Cans Canucks

The match of the qualifiers for group 9 between Spaam and Hockey Canadia
was always gonna be an exciting affair, but noone could predict how close it
would be in the end. The Waffles had never beaten the Canucks in their long
rivalry, going so far as some Hockey Canadian 'newpapers' calling Spaam their
bitch. So the Waffles were riled up at Artanis National Stadium, with a
capacity crowd who were already excited after Spaamanian Plijous' big win.

The first half was a brutal affair, with yellow cards flowing from New Montreal
States' ref Yann Girouard. Venton, Mayne, and Pomre all
received warnings for Spaam, while for Hockey Canadia, Ko, Kulkarni,
Broflovski, Cormack, and Sylanko all saw yellow. There were plenty
of shots on goals as well, the two closest coming from the Canucks' Ko, and
brilliantly batted away by Waffles' Arthur. However, Spaam held on, and the
game was still scoreless going into the break.

The second half was even more brutal, with another 7 yellow cards coming
from Girouard. Johnson, Perrault, Zimin, and Scotch were the victims for the
Canucks, while Bonython and Kerkin were the Waffles offenders. However, it
was the second yellow, and consequent red card, to Germoe Mayne in the 79
th minute that threw the game wide open. With Spaam down to 10 players,
Hockey Canadia put on extra pressure, which translated into domination of
the shots on goals. But they couldn't convert, and going into injury time, it
looked like the game would end a scoreless draw, still Spaam's best result
against their bogey team.

The Canucks had one last shot on goal by Mike Ko in the last minute of extra
time, but Arthur dived to save it, and threw it long to Trevelyan, who started
to sprint down the left side of the field. With mere seconds to go, he passed
across to Crewenna Roskelly, who shot from 30 metres out. Incredibly, the
ball sailed right on target above the Canucks keeper Kyle Thomas' hands, and
below the top strut, into goal. The Hockey Canadian players argued that she
was offside, but it was too late. Girouard signalled the goal, and with 5
seconds left after the restart it was all over. Spaam had beaten the
Canucks, 1-0.

(4 Roskelly 93) Spaam 1:0 Hockey Canadia ()


Belmore Beats Goal Scoring Record

Spaamanian Plijous' star player and captain, Alan Belmore, has beaten the
World Cup qualifiers goal scoring record by scoring five goals in their win
against unranked Elves Security Forces. The game was a high scoring affair,
locked at two goals apiece at half time, before Belmore scored 3 unanswered
goals to put the result out of doubt. The goal haul means that Alan Belmore
is the second top scorer of the qualifiers so far with 13 goals, with only
Fmjphoenix's Nolan performing better with 16 goals.

(1 Belmore 2, 30, 48, 66, 85) Spaamanian Plijous 5:2 Elves Security Forces (7 Night 15; 8 Zacharius 41)


Group 9 Roundup

Anastasiania 0:1 United Island Empires
Giant Zucchini 2:0 The NSSR
Raging Penguins 3:0 Matterbuggy

The UIE just keeps on winning - its only loss coming against the Zucchinis in
the first round. This time they went to Anastasiania, where a solitary goal
was good to enough to get them the three points. The Zucchinis themselves
had an easy run at home where they downed the NSSR two goals to none.
And the Penguins finally got their first win, and in style, freezing Matterbuggy
by three goals zip.

Spaam now lead the group, a single point ahead of Hockey Canadia, but
neither team is sure of qualifying just yet. The UIE is a mere win behind the
Canucks in third, with the Zucchinis a further two points behind on 16.
However, the top two seeds have a far superior goal difference, and are still
massive favourite to take the qualifying spots. Anastasiania is practically out
of the race on 10 points, but a win ahead of sixth place the NSSR, keeping
them out of wooden spoon contention. Matterbuggy and the Penguins are
still seventh and eighth respectively, but with 30 goals scored against them
in 9 matches, it seems like a matter of time before the places are switched.

Group 9 GP W D L PTS GD GF GA
Spaam 9 7 1 1 22 14 18 4
Hockey Canada 9 7 0 2 21 17 25 8
United Island Empires 9 5 3 1 18 5 14 9
Giant Zucchini 9 5 1 3 16 3 12 9
Anastasiania 9 3 1 5 10 -4 12 16
The NSSR 9 2 1 6 7 -5 10 15
Matterbuggy 9 2 0 7 6 -21 9 30
Raging Penguins 9 1 1 7 4 -9 7 16

Matterbuggy are hosting Spaam next week, and the Waffles will be hoping for
a big win. Meanwhile, Hockey Canadia will be hoping to bounce back after
their loss, but will be hosting a very determined Giant Zucchini side itching to
win. Anastasiania will be hosting the NSSR, with the visitors needing to win
to keep out of wooden spoon contention, and the Penguins will be hosting
the UIE, with the home team itching to get out of last place, and the visitors
itching to keep their qualification prospects alive.


Goal Scorers

7 (01) Tehta Trevelyan
5 (04) Crewenna Roskelly
2 (10) Budeaux Pomre
2 (07) Jenifer Uren
1 (20) Eseld Retallack
1 (11) Credan Trethewey

History

Spaam 2:1 The NSSR
Hockey Canadia 2:1 Spaam
Spaam 4:0 Matterbuggy
Spaam 2:0 Giant Zucchini
Anastasiania 0:3 Spaam
Raging Penguins 0:2 Spaam
United Island Empires 0:0 Spaam
The NSSR 1:3 Spaam
Spaam 1:0 Hockey Canadia
Matterbuggy vs Spaam
Giant Zucchini vs Spaam
Spaam vs Anastasiania
Spaam vs Raging Penguins
Spaam vs United Island Empires

The Wentland Space Programme was proceeding apace. Probes had been sent to nearby planets and the solar flare capturing technology was really paying dividends. Before long most of the galaxy had been pretty much claimed under Went control and exo-archaeologists were ploughing through acres of material.

One of them found a football report in a newspaper on one small blue-green planet.

Molton League update

It was a good day for Ambleton as they went third in the table with a comfortable win over Normanton.

Ambleton's bus driver/star striker Mick Mason was in top form coming into the game and scored in the eighth minute thanks to a Hutton cross. The 26 fans in attendance were largely delirious.

Ambleton were in control and it was only a matter of time before it was 2-0. The ironmonger Bob Break bulldozed his way through the Normanton midfield before unleashing a shot. Normanton's goalie, the postie Eric Wade, pushed it out into the path of Mason who chipped in to make it two.

The third goal came after the half-time orange segments had been devoured with Hutton scoring himself, with a curling shot he calls his swerving dip shot.

It was easy now for Ambleton and even a late concession of a consolation, after Taylor miskicked in front of goal, could not dampen the ardour of the home fans. 3-1 it remained and qualification for the play-offs is a definite possibility for Ambleton.

It was passed on to football historian Bill Bridgnorth. "How amazing," he said when he perused the tattered paper. "If you substitute the name Hutton for Kent, Break for Benny Jones and Mason for Barnes, you get an almost blow-by-blow account of a match Wentland played hundreds of years ago. Which one was it again? Oh, yes, the win over Ariddia. World Cup 29, I believe...some time before those heady days when the Swifts won seven Cups on the trot..."

From the Aquilla Times:

Rejistania defeated Sarzonia 2:1!


Sarzonia - Rejistania
Goals: 1 2
(25' Cornwell)
(33' I Hetaki)
(66' I Hetaki)
Shoots: 11 9
Corners: 6 7
Fouls: 9 10
Y.Cards: 1 2
Send-offs:0 0
Freekicks:3 2
Offsides: 1 4


OOC: no time to RP, I'm moving to another city.

And we turn back around to see what's behind us:


http://www.geocities.com/becquerelia/images/systemkarela.gif System Karela - 0__________2 - Becquereliahttp://www.geocities.com/becquerelia/images/becquerelia.gif


BLACK CATS KNOCK DOWN SYSTEM KARELA
Spectacular Defensive Performance By Becquerelia


ROENTGEN(JNS) - Another game against the super-defensive System Karela, and another victory, and this time the Black Cats showed off their defensive prowess, keeping System Karela's attacking efforts at bay the whole game.

"After we got the second goal in the 55th minute, System Karela started trying out their offensive chops, but we stopped that pretty well." says Midfielder and Captain Daniel Abigantus, who scored the first goal of the game in the 19th minute. Added Midfielder Niceaus Annunziata, who scored the winning goal for Becquerelia, "They aren't much of a attacking team, obviously. But you got to feel that we did a pretty good job shutting them down."

System Karela only got one shot on goal all game, and that was a slow, ground-rolling ball that was easily picked up by Goalkeeper Tyrannio Licausi. "I had more work getting back-passes than System Karela shots. If only all games were like that."

The Black Cats can't expect their next game to be as simple. Intyny beat Becquerelia in the two team's last meeting.


Becquerelia's Current Results and Upcoming Schedule
Home Team Last
WIN DRAW LOSS
MD01: Spaamanian Plijous - 1 Becquerelia - 0
MD02: Becquerelia - 2 System Karela - 1
MD03: Becquerelia - 1 Intyny - 2
MD04: Becquerelia - 1 Audioslavia - 0
MD05: Haraki - 0 Becquerelia - 1
MD06: Cuation - 2 Becquerelia - 0
MD07: Becquerelia - 3 Elves Security Forces - 1
MD08: Becquerelia - 0 Spaamanian Plijous - 0
MD09: System Karela - 0 Becquerelia - 2
MD10: Intyny (1-4-4) at Becquerelia (5-1-3)
MD11: Audioslavia (8-0-1) at Becquerelia (5-1-3)
MD12: Becquerelia (5-1-3) at Haraki (3-2-4)
MD13: Becquerelia (5-1-3) at Cuation (4-3-2)
MD14: Elves Security Forces (3-0-6) at Becquerelia (4-1-3)


Becquerelia's Goal Scorers

Daniel Abigantus - 4
Gregory Conveniencia - 2
Niceaus Annunziata - 1
Paul Annunziata - 1
Razak Kahlef - 1

(Continued from The Isangrad Time's Article on MD9)

After the 37th minute, the score remained stable until the second half. In the second half, George Illyanich, the Tower of Power, will prove himself worthy of the title, "Star Player of the Valerian Boyars". At the 58th minute, he made a seemingly impossible goal with a skillful shot that flew in between bewildered Kedalfaxians. Female fans tossed roses from their stands in the crowd at the Boyar in Jersey #1.

Illyanich was not done yet with the Kedalfaxians. He served up another goal, piping hot, when at the 71st minute he drove a pass from Mongke Urt-Urumqi into the Kedalfaxian net. The cheering fans were louder as they celebrated Illyanich's second hat trick in this World Cup. Illyanich's other hat trick was unleashed when Magnus Valerius also faced Kedalfax away.

Of course, this was not a shutout for the Kedalfaxians. A Kedalfaxian forward, determined to stop the steamroll over their team, made a goal at the 79th minute. Carelessness got the upper hand on the Valerian defense, since this point would have been completely irrelevant; it was made when a comeback by the Kedalfaxians was highly unlikely. Thus, the game ended with a 3 - 1 win for the Boyars, and three more points for the top scorer of the national team, George Illyanich.

Tomorrow should be another win against the doomed national team of Sovietry

MD9 FINAL SCORE

Magnus Valerius 3:1 Kedalfax

Illyanich (37, 58, 71)
----
(unknown) 1 (79)

Boyar Scorers

As of Matchday 9...

G. Illyanich - 9 goals
K. Feodorov - 3 goals
J. d'Anjou - 2 goals
M. Urt-Urumqi - 2 goals
J. Song - 1 goal
H. Zerbst - 1 goal

Atherlon Times sports blurb by Tom Bucket.

Not much to say here, folks. The Hawks' qualification is in serious jeopardy with five games left after another 4-1 defeat at the hands of Audioslavia. Once again, Mike Zendar managed Haraki's only goal, this time at sixty minutes off a free kick just outside the box.

The Hawks play at the Elven Marauders next week. My best wishes to them. If they lose this one, well ... We all know how badly Haraki does in the Cup of Harmony. The entire international season may well be over for the Hawks. See you all back here in two years for World Cup 30.






OOC: I go with 2 years between WCs.

MD10 Cut-Off.

http://i40.photobucket.com/albums/e228/Sonya0111/SylMedCen.png

Unicorns Drop Aigosthena 2-1

Queen Sonya Sabre had the guillotine ready again - just in case the Mystical Unicorns made the decision not to play hard. Just the rumor of its existence had sparked the squad to a 3-0 win over Tecpatl. Now perhaps actually seeing it would do some good against Aigosthena.

Unfortunately the sight of it had an adverse affect on the Unicorns early in the match as they were contemplating what that sharp blade would do to their necks if they failed. Aigosthena struck first in the 10th minute to take a 1-0 lead. Then the executioner made a test drop and the sound of the melon being split woke up every single Unicorn player.

The defense tightened up, the midfield took control of the pitch, and the forwards began to put great pressure on the Aigosthena keeper. That pressure was rewarded by an Altáriël Telperiën goal to even things in the 33rd minute.

The second half saw more excellent Unicorn play as Tisa Laos and Nátulcien Eluch`div` controlled the pitch like wild animals protecting their young. But it would be late in the 88th minute before Zana Jablon’s cross found Telperiën for the winning goal. The Unicorns had escaped Aigosthena and the guillotine 2-1. You can rest assured that the guillotine will be at the Rejistania match next.

In other news around Group 7 - Sarzonia downed Snubby 2-0. Kericia shocked everyone by beating Rejis 2-1 and moving past them on the table. Kelse had a 1-1 draw with Tecpatl

Praying2God Watch: The Warriors could only pray as they fell to Rordia 0-1.

SPAAM SPORTS WEEKLY
NationStates' Most Notorious Sports Publication

Easy Win Cements Top Spot

Spaam travelled to Matterbuggy, confident after their win against the
Canucks, and it showed as they completely dominated the match. The first
half saw star striker Trevelyan score after ten minutes, and Jenifer Uren in
the 35th, giving Matterbuggy a two goal deficit which would never be
impinged upon. The only bright side was a good chance by Matterbuggy
striker Matt Lowry, which sent keeper Sowena Prisk diving to her right with a
fingertip save.

Coach Tamsyn Pengelley brought on some more less played players in the
second half, giving them some valuable experience. 18 year old midfielder
Howel Nepean impressed with his strong performance, unlucky to miss out on
a goal, while 17 year old Eseld Retallack came up with a number of good
chances. Trevelyan got the Waffles third goal in the 62nd minute, but it was
Mar'h Menadue's first international goal in the dying minutes that closed the
game. Spaam now prepare for a tough away game against the Zucchinis,
before the final three qualifying games at home.

() Matterbuggy 0:4 Spaam (1 Trevelyan 10, 62; 7 Uren 35; 14 Menadue 89)


Group 9 Roundup

Hockey Canadia 1:1 Giant Zucchini
Anastasiania 1:5 The NSSR
Raging Penguins 1:1 United Island Empires

Good news for Spaam as the Zucchinis drew away from home against the
Canucks, and kept their finals chances live. Anastasiania could only manage
a consolation goal against the NSSR as they went down one goal to five, and
the Penguins kept the UIE at bay in a one all draw. The Waffles are now a
full win ahead in first place, and the Canucks a win ahead in second. The UIE
is third on 19, with the Zucchinis 2 points behind. Then there is a 7 point gap
to equal fourth place the NSSR and Anastasiania, who have extended a four
point lead on the battle for the wooden spoon between Matterbuggy and the
Penguins, the former winning so far but only by a point.

Group 9 GP W D L PTS GD GF GA G%
Spaam 10 8 1 1 25 18 22 4 85
Hockey Canada 10 7 1 2 22 17 26 9 74
United Island Empires 10 5 4 1 19 5 15 10 60
Giant Zucchini 10 5 2 3 17 3 13 10 57
The NSSR 10 3 1 6 10 -1 15 16 48
Anastasiania 10 3 1 6 10 -8 13 21 38
Matterbuggy 10 2 0 8 6 -25 9 34 21
Raging Penguins 10 1 2 7 5 -9 8 17 32

Next week sees Spaam's last away game for the qualifiers, but will be an
incredibly tough one, as they face a Zucchini side desperate for qualification.
Anastasiania host the Canucks, in what should be an easy win for the
visitors, the NSSR host the Penguins who desperately want to get out of last
place, and the UIE should easily dispatch with Matterbuggy at home.


Goal Scorers

9 (01) Tehta Trevelyan
5 (04) Crewenna Roskelly
3 (07) Jenifer Uren
2 (10) Budeaux Pomre
1 (20) Eseld Retallack
1 (11) Credan Trethewey
1 (14) Mar'h Menadue


History

Spaam 2:1 The NSSR
Hockey Canadia 2:1 Spaam
Spaam 4:0 Matterbuggy
Spaam 2:0 Giant Zucchini
Anastasiania 0:3 Spaam
Raging Penguins 0:2 Spaam
United Island Empires 0:0 Spaam
The NSSR 1:3 Spaam
Spaam 1:0 Hockey Canadia
Matterbuggy 0:4 Spaam
Giant Zucchini vs Spaam
Spaam vs Anastasiania
Spaam vs Raging Penguins
Spaam vs United Island Empires

http://i14.photobucket.com/albums/a318/stormgiantxxxl/ASMVFNN.jpg

Sea Dragon History Is Made Against Ashterrus

This is Kellan Kildan reporting live from Ashterrus

The Sea Dragons needed a big win today to prove that they still controlled the second position for Group 11 after a 0-2 home loss to New Montreal States. The final result was a record day for ASMV.

The defensive style of the Sea Dragons usually keeps them in any match they play, it does not allow for huge scores and massive goal differentials. 4 goals in one match has been as likely for us as actually winning the cup for the most part. But that was not the case for the Sea Dragons today as they face Ashterrus.

The Sea Dragons were on fire from the start, and Evan Evans made the first goal in just the 2nd minute. That seemed to demoralize Ashterrus and the match was basically over at that point. Goals from Pablo Iglesias (23), Leena Draghi (65), and Ali Devincenti (81) added to what would be the biggest win for ASMV in WC, Qualifiers, or CoH history. (We managed the same in our BoF ages ago). A 4-0 clean sheet is a great scoreline for us. 4-0 has been achieved before, but rather over 2 or 3 matches

NMS also had a great day as they smashed the Golden Wolves of Yafor 2 4-0. That gives them 27 points to our 21. The Footie Dream Team has moved into third with 14 points following a victory over Geisenfried. Yafor 2, Lisburn Mateys, and Geisenfried all have 11 points at this point. So much for NMS beginning their slide today.

Friends Watch
Cuation fell hard to Audioslavia 1-4
Tadjikistan smashed the Kazoos 3-0
Dorian and Sonya topped Aigosthena 2-1
Milchama escaped Iaukea 2-1
Ariddia crushed Sliponia 3-1

Tynelia Scores...Loses Anyway

The Tynelian scoring drought seems to have ended but once again, the fact that the team did score completely ruined the keeper's concentration. After the shocking 2-1 upset loss to Bothen, Tynelia now finds itself in the odd situation where they have lost more matches when they scored than they have when being shutout. The team has now allowed goals in only three matches and lost two of them. This loss seriously damages the team's chances of moving on to the World Cup proper as most felt a win was a must here with the upcoming match with top seed Praying2god coming next.

Homefield has yet to benefit Tynelia as they have now lost two of their three losses at home and have only managed one win in their five home matches. Some believe that Coach Greg Tudor's announcement that he will be stepping down after the Cup of Harmony has proved to be more of a distraction than a motivational tool for the team. While the team is still in striking distance of advancing their play has been much too inconsistant to count on anything from the team at this point.

With only four matches remaining, three of which against the teams ranked above them Tynelia's chances look grim barring a few upsets.

This is Vic Rauter from the TSN soccer network bringing you the results of Quakmybush qualifying match from Day 10. The team lost 1-0 to group leaders Mcpsychoville. This leaves the Sharks with 13 points tied for 3rd in their qualifying qroup. One point ahead of the Sharks is Atheistic Right who defeated Krajkovia 2-0. Quakmybush is also tied with Tynelia and Bothen. With Praying2God 1 point behind and Krajkovia with 10 points and Rordia with 9 points. The Sharks will take on 7th place Krajkovia next game.

Match Day 10 Scores For Group 12

Mcpsychoville 1 : Quakmybush 0
Praying2God 0 : Rordia 1
Tynelia 1 : Bothen 2
Atheistic Right 2 : Krajkovia 0

Atherlon Times Sports Blurb by Tom Bucket.

What did I tell you? CoH time. 3-2 Marauders. Haraki scored twice in the opening minutes and it looked like another rout, but the Marauders came back in the second half with three goals to win it. Harakian goals: Mike Zendar, Matthew Thompson. See you after the Hawks crash and burn again.

States Decisively Defeat Golden Wolves

Slide postponed until tomorrow

YAFOR 2 - What many pundits expected would be the beginning of a long slide into second place and perhaps lower was postponed yesterday as the Paladins defeated the Golden Wolves of Yafor 2 4-0 on the road.

Gilles Villeneuve led the parade with two first-half goals, bringing his total to six for qualifiers. Jacques Toussaint and Fabrice Labranche each scored one goal to round things out.

The Yafor 2 defense, largely disorganized throughout the match, was easy pickings for a disciplined and determined Paladins attack. Villeneuve and Hubert Labranche blasted a hole that enabled the younger Labranche to open the scoring with his first goal of the campaign.

A halfhearted Yaforite offensive was blunted by a rare solid performace from the NMS backs and a typical stellar show by keeper Paul Chasson (6 saves). Villeneuve grabbed his first goal on a counterattack twenty-five minutes into play that broke what little spirit the Golden Wolves had been showing up to that point.

The rest was a cakewalk for the Paladins, with Villeneuve scoring again seventeen minutes later and the ball hardly ever leaving the Yafor 2 half during the second half.

"I'm not listening to the media asshats who are calling for us to topple and fall as qualifiers wind down," said coach William Branstone. "Do you hear me? I'm not listening! Nanny-nanny-boo-boo!"

The next match for the States will be against a Lisburn Mateys side that has underacheived somewhat, but is still a strong upset possibility.

PALADINS 4 - F. Labranche 13, Villeneuve 25, 42, Toussaint 61
YAFOR 2 0

TOURNAMENT SCORING

Villeneuve 6
Faulkner 4
H. Labranche 4
Pilon 2
Tessier 2
Toussaint 2
Hunyadi 1
F. Labranche 1
Plattsburgh 1

This did not happen

The Orange-Blues lost to Kericia in the worst performance ever shown by a rejistani team (yes, this includes the World Cup 9 qualifiers and the World cup 10 matches against NASTIC and Nikea). How in the name of the great Tahiakan did this team play this horribly. According to sources inside the rejistanian soccer association, this has a special, but slightly weird reason: Apparently it was true that the ASR did try to use hallucigenic drugs, which made the players feel like playing at their home ground. These drugs however have severe disadvantages: they are addicting. Since the team did play a home game and did not need these drugs, they were on withdrawal and their performance was horrible. Misdirected passes, flanks into nothing, freekicks which were executed the Lihsentyn way: creating chances for the opponent due to a counter-attack. Currently the entire national team is on detox and the allanean biochemists learned something about the differences between different races in terms of the reaction to certain stimulating substances.

In other news the yellow cards against the two Sarzonian players in the last match were removed after it was found out that the referee is very jealous and he booked these players because they apparently had the courage to look into the vague direction of his wife too often.

The Nedalia Lions

Sam Dilford was, at best, viewed as a questionable selection by the Nedalian FA after Brent Vent handed in his resignation after World Cup 28. Many experts openly questioned appointing such an inexperienced, barely 40 years old assistant to Nedalia’s top managerial posts, where local legends Vent and Randy Gamman served from. Dilford, however, has continued to prove the pundits wrong, leading the Lions to a 6-2-2 record with a squad considered “past it”, made up of 30+ former stars who are riding their reputations and not allowing the younger generation to make some noise on the world stage.

When he was first appointed, Dilford decided he would not bow to the pressure and drop the aging stars of the Lions. Instead, he would give them one last chance to qualify to the World Cup and attempt to make the 3rd time the charm. As if his actual appointment wasn’t motivation enough, the new manager was absolutely torn apart in the press after he announced the team that would be representing Nedalia in the World Cup 29 qualifiers.

After their latest 3-0 win over Group 6 rivals Iansisle, the Lions have never looked so comfortable or so fluent on the World Cup stage, and despite the apparent lack of pace, the team’s defensive line has held together formidably, only being truly bothered by Tadjikistan (both losses were delivered by the Tigers). Even the offense has been consistent, albeit not as spectacular as it has shown it can be. That, according to Dilford, has been the key.

“Consistency has been our calling card this campaign, and it’s the one thing this team has lacked in the past,” said the manager. “The main reason I kept this team together is because they seemed to have finally clicked last campaign, and I felt I had to keep that going. I couldn’t break up the team that finally seemed to live up to its potential.”

Sitting comfortably in 2nd place is a good position for both the team and the fans, and now Dilford is the countries newest hero. Fully expected to lead the Lions in the actual World Cup, he could prove to be the Lions most successful manager before long. Third time could indeed be a charm, considering he is the 3rd manager in the Lions history.

[OOC: Don't know about the rest of you, but I couldn't get on to Satan-cursed Jolt for 2 days....]

THE ARCHREGIMANCY BRINGS YOU

WORLD CUP TONIGHT

With Fr. Nicholas the Scribe and Fr. John the Golden-Throated

"So... Fr. John... What's been happening with the World Cup?"

"Hard to say, Fr. Nicholas.... this 'Jolt' system that ordinary physical reality insists we use to communicate with it failed. Again. And as a result, we largely lost contact with World Cup events."

"But surely some news filtered through, especially when it came to our home match against the Orange Kodiak Stars of Chicanada?"

"Well..... yes......."

"But there's something you don't want to tell us, Fr. John...."

"Let's look at the Milchama match first, Fr. Nicholas."

"You're changing the topic...."

"Not at all. While we have no live footage of the match due to the breakdown in communication, I can happily report that the lads defeated the Hebrews 2-1 away. An early brace for the finally in-form Fr. Silouan of the Seventy Caves, and while Milchama pulled a late one back, we were never in trouble. I've said it before, and I'll say it again.... They may be God's chosen people, but they certainly aren't God's chosen football team."

"And we are, Fr. John?"

"That, Fr. Nicholas, would be utter presumption. As a good Orthodox monk, you should be well aware that it is not for us to presume that we automatically represent God's will. Not unless you're turning into one of those Calvinistic predestinarian heretics."

"Not at all! Though I must admit I did enjoy Hogg's Confessions of a Justified Sinner."

"Only as a comparison to Dostoyevsky's more Orthodox treatment of an attempt to self-justify murder, I trust..... Don't want to think you're reading heretical rubbish, Fr. Nicholas."

"Ummmm, of course I prefer Crime and Punishment. Naturally, Fr. John, naturally. Everyone can be redeemed through sincere repentence, a Siberian prison camp and a prostitute with a heart of gold. Anyway, aren't you going to tell us about this Chicanada match? You seem terribly reluctant to talk about it."

"Oh well, nothing much to report, Fr. Nicholas. For the third time in four matches, we didn't score a goal."

"And conceding....."

"Erm..... we might have conceded two."

"At home?"

"Erm.... yes."

"But this is wonderful news, Fr. John! A 2-0 loss at home to the Orange Kodiaks! Finally, at long last, the soul-strengthening humiliation we've been demanding! A home loss to the third seeds in the group! Please tell me this endangers our qualification for the tournament proper!"

"Why yes, it does, Fr. Nicholas!"

"Excellent! I'm sure you'll agree that qualifying easily would have been detrimental to the entire nation. Only through suffering can we strengthen our monastic souls! Why, at this rate we might even lose to the Excelites!"

"One can but hope, Fr. Nicholas.... one can but hope...."

And we turn back around to see what's behind us:


http://www.geocities.com/becquerelia/images/intyny.gif Intyny - 1__________3 - Becquereliahttp://www.geocities.com/becquerelia/images/becquerelia.gif


PAYBACK
Becquerelia Crushes Intyny In Home Match


ROENTGEN(JNS) - For a short while, it appeared that this second game against Intyny would be a horrible repeat of the first. Goalkeeper Tyrannio Licausi had a characteristic loss of concentration early, as Intyny scored in the 20th minute on a blooper of shot by one of their forwards.

However, the rest of the team stepped up, and matched their best offensive output of the qualifying round, picking up three unanswered goals to step up their leads in the qualifying derby that is Group Four.

Defender Thomas Strazzabosco quickly responded to the Intyny goal, scoring in the 23rd minute by beating just about the entire Intyny defense, including the goalkeeper. Midfielder and Captain Daniel Abigantus gave Becquerelia the lead in the 37th minute, and Gregory Conveniencia put the game safely away in the added time added to the first half. The Black Cats then reverted to a fully defensive style of play for the second half, and safely put the game away without incident.

"I'm proud of the guys, they've been playing great all qualifying," said Head Coach Mark Crescentini. "If we can keep this up just a bit longer, we'll be heading out to Krytenia and Casari for some more football, with higher stakes. But I don't want to get ahead of myself."

A very wise decision, as Becquerelia's final four games are against group-leading Audioslavia at home, then Haraki and Cuation on the road, before coming home to face the surprising Elves Security Forces.


Becquerelia's Current Results and Upcoming Schedule
Home Team Last
WIN DRAW LOSS
MD01: Spaamanian Plijous - 1 Becquerelia - 0
MD02: Becquerelia - 2 System Karela - 1
MD03: Becquerelia - 1 Intyny - 2
MD04: Becquerelia - 1 Audioslavia - 0
MD05: Haraki - 0 Becquerelia - 1
MD06: Cuation - 2 Becquerelia - 0
MD07: Becquerelia - 3 Elves Security Forces - 1
MD08: Becquerelia - 0 Spaamanian Plijous - 0
MD09: System Karela - 0 Becquerelia - 2
MD10: Intyny - 1 Becquerelia - 3
MD11: Audioslavia (9-0-1) at Becquerelia (6-1-3)
MD12: Becquerelia (6-1-3) at Haraki (3-2-5)
MD13: Becquerelia (6-1-3) at Cuation (4-3-3)
MD14: Elves Security Forces (4-0-6) at Becquerelia (6-1-3)


Becquerelia's Goal Scorers

Daniel Abigantus - 5
Gregory Conveniencia - 3
Niceaus Annunziata - 1
Paul Annunziata - 1
Razak Kahlef - 1
Thomas Strazzabosco - 1

"Sweet mother of god, I can't believe it. Another win!!"

"Yes, sir, would you like me to get Alan on the phone to confirm it again?"

"No, this one is a little more believable, beating a team ranked 116 is a whole lot different then beating a team ranked nearly 100 spots ahead of us."

"True, sir."

"The score was 3-1 again, eh?"

"Yes, sir, with a hat-trick from Andre Rico."

"Rico? That's a suprise, haven't heard much from him for quite a while."

"Yes, sir, indeed, he had a lot of help from the team though, it would've been a shutout, had Taylor Johnson not literally fallen asleep in goal and was scored on in the 88th minute. The team wasn't even mad at him, it was so funny I don't think they realized that qualifying may come down to goals for and against, should the team have a good run for the final four games."

"Hah, how long was he asleep for?"

"About 15 minutes, apparently the Nova's couldn't get on our half of the field for the first 45 and still couldn't until the 80th minute, and even with a keeper just lying asleep in the middle of the goal, couldn't score for another 8 minutes. Rather pitiful if you ask me."

"Do you have a scoresheet?"

"Yes, sir."

The assistant reporter hands chief Joe Lohos the scoresheet with a slight smile on his face. Lohos looks down and examines the sheet.

"50 shots? 33 on goal? Are you kidding me?"

Lohos turns to his assistant.

"Now would you like me to call Alan?"

"Oh alright, but you have to admit, that's ridiculous. I thought the Virginia Nova's were known for their defense."

"They are, that's why only 3 of the 33 shots on goal went in the net."

"I guess that's true, but how did we manage to get 33 shots on goal?"

"I think it got to a point where the Nova's just said forget it, and just lined up on the goal-line and let us shoot, with pretty much 10 guys on the goal line, and a keeper in front of them."

"Wow, what was the score then?"

"It was like, 2-0 then."

"Then suddenly they all dashed out and somehow Rico managed to get a 3rd goal in the mist of all of it, and then in the 88th Johnson got caught asleep."

"Now that's one interesting game."

"I'd say so, sir."

"Who do we have next?"

"Sexy Games I believe, sir."

"Gosh, guess we won't be getting a break for tommorow then, eh?"

"If things work out realisticly, sir, we shouldn't have a break for another day or two, sir, when we play Starblaydia."

"Ah, crap. We said we'd only make reports if we win right? So draws don't count."

"I believe so, sir, but the head of the news corps might make us anyways."

"We have a head of news corps. Wait no, we have a news corps?!"

"Yes, as of this morning, Prime Minister Nut just announced he's taking over the media."

"Oh great, now our chances of surviving without him "arresting" us is pretty much impossible, wonderful! Are we allowed to quit? Or will he kill us then."

"I honestly couldn't tell you."

"I'd hate to be the bastard who tries finding out. Anyways, get the camera-guy in here so I can work this out, and write up that report for the Times will ya?"

"Yes, sir, I'm on it."

The assistant hastily leaves the office and the camera-man enters about five or so minutes later.

"You called?"

"Yea, we won, 3-1. Again."

"We did?! YES!!!"

"What are you so excited about."

"Well, some hotshot down at the pub thought Virginia Nova was gonna wipe us, so we wagered 200 bucks a peice, I even gave him a goal. Man is he gonna be PISSED!"

"Congratulations. By the way, isn't gambling aside from those Native reservations illegal now?"

"I don't care, I just made 200 bucks!"

At that moment, about 4 heavily armed AwalKB soldier walk through the door and point their weapons at the camera guy. The tallest one grabs him and throws him against the wall.

"Put you arms out and spread your legs."

"What? What are you doing?"

"You are under arrest for illegally gambling within the state of AwalKB."

"What?! How could you know that?"

"Do you think we didn't have a governmental building bugged?"

"Governmental, what?! This is a privately owned business!"

Lohos chimes in.

"Not anymore, bud. The Prime Minister took over this morning."

"Oh wonderful, see you in another life Joe, it was nice working with ya."

"See ya."

Joe takes a last look at the camera guy and stands up and walks quickly out the door, afraid of being arrested for looking at one of the soldiers the wrong way.

Failures Continue
Sliponia gets owned.

KRYTENIA/CASARI--Sliponia's national team continues their misery in World Cup 29, yet even with a 3-1 loss, hope is seen.

"We've just been playing awful," said GK Mike Davis. "We have been training hard but falling short in matches." Davis went on to note that the team is bonding through the ordeal. "We're learning how to lose together so that we can learn to win together. If you look at our last several matches we've been on a bit of an upswing. In our first five matches, we had three losses. Since then we've only had one loss. The only problem is we haven't had any wins so we lose out on points, draws aren't going to get your anywhere, especially in the World Cup."

Davis gave his spot to back-up keeper Kevin Woods for this start, however after allowing three goals in the first half, Woods was pulled and Davis took the field for the second half and didn't allow any further goals. Sliponia was looking to get blanked until the 65th minute when right striker and lead scorer Gerald Parenteau was given a beautiful cross of a set piece by Andrew Williams. From the corner Williams chipped the ball to the far post where Parenteau was able to head it in. While this is far from 3 points on the table, holding Ariddia to 3 goals and scoring 1 is much better than the previous meeting of of a 4-nil blanking.

Sliponia WC29 Scorers
11 Gerald Parenteau (3)
10 Jason Finley (1)
25 Keith Grey (1)
23 Andrew Williams (1)

Sliponia WC29 Results
Sliponia vs. Jeruselem [L: 3-0]
Sliponia vs. Khenas [D: 0-0]
Sliponia vs. Ariddia [L: 4-0]
Sliponia vs. Mahaliastan [L: 1-0]
Sliponia vs. Wentland [L: 3-2]
Sliponia vs. Artoonia [D: 1-1]
Sliponia vs. Elrich [D: 1-1]
Sliponia vs. Jeruselem [D: 0-0]
Sliponia vs. Khenas [D: 1-1]
Sliponia vs. Ariddia [L: 3-1]

Sliponia WC29 Clean Sheets
8 Mike Davis (2)

WC29 Group 14 Table
Group 14 GP W T L PTS GD GF GA
Ariddia 10 9 0 1 27 17 25 8 27.017025
Jeruselem 10 7 2 1 23 17 23 6 23.017023
Wentland 10 5 2 3 17 10 24 14 17.010024
Elrich 10 3 4 3 13 -2 11 13 12.998011
Mahaliastan 10 3 2 5 11 -11 8 19 10.989008
Khenas 10 2 2 6 8 -9 7 16 7.991007
Artoonia 10 1 3 6 6 -11 10 21 5.98901
Sliponia 10 0 5 5 5 -11 6 17 4.989006

VIRGINIA NOVA 1
AWALKB 3


NOVA RICHMOND-Today was a disastourous game for the Eagles as AwalKB defeated us 3-1. It was a very hot muggy game and the weather played a key factor. At the beginning Jimmy Hellios Scored a goal 1:45 but that was it as AwalKB scored at 5:19,6:29 and 7:54 other wise it was a boring game resulting in a loss

QSPN FOOTBALL WEEKLY

Ben Rottenburger: Welcome to Estadia Pika in Pika City as Qazox hosts Benlandngdo. An with me as usual... Vic Ditale:

Vic Ditale: THE OXEN ARE ON FIRE BABY WITH A CAPITAL W. 3 IN A ROW NOW AND SHOULD GO 4 FOR 4 TODAY WITH CAPITAL T...

Rottenburger: Why did I sign up for this.... ANy the match is about to start and a slight change in the starting lineup for Jason Bourne as he looks to save some of the better palyers for next week's match against Liverpool England. John Frorr will get the Start in net, while strikers Alicia Gonzalez and Maria Gretsky will sit. Fernando Turek will start and Christian Likens will start as well as Qazox will play a 4-3-3 today... and they're ready to go on the pitch...

[15th minute] Turek lines up for the throw deep in Benlandngdo's area, taken by Likens, passes back to Turek, sees Goya by the goal and She SCOOOOORRRRRREES!! Marie Goya heads the ball home off a great cross by Turek adn Qazox leads it 1-0 nil early in the match....

[44th minute] Likens will line up for the direct kick, He shoots, deflected into the air, and GOOOOOAAAAL!!! Marie Goya has scored again late in the 2nd half, she just flicked it while in the air right past the Benlandngdo keep and Qazox has a 2-0 lead.

End of Match: That's all folks and Qazox has won a record 4 straight games and they needed to win this one as LE will be calling next week in Qazox City. FOr QSPN ans Vic Ditale, I'm Ben Rottenburger.

FINAL MATCH STATS:
QAZOX- 2- Goya (3,4) 15', 44'
Benlandngdo- 0
BOOKINGS:
YELLOW: Likens- 66'

GREEN WOMBAT FREE PRESS
Corporate sponsorship for Green WOmbat still needed, but The fighting wombats won yesterday 2-1 over Tinsuvilia thier 1st road win in over 10 years internationally. While all but eliminated form Qualifaction, the Wombats will still try to upset soem teams and maybe pull off a shocker.

In other Group 8 Action today, LE's 8 game winning streak was broken in a 0-0 tie with Bazaolonia, Cataduanes tied Bostopia 2-2 and Qazox shut-out Benlandngdo 2-0.

The Group Standings so far after 10 matches:



TEAM W-D-L PTS GF GA GD
Liverpool England 8-2-0 26 26 6 +20
Qazox 7-0-3 21 21 16 +5
Catadaunes 4-4-2 16 25 14 +11
Bazalonia 3-4-3 13 12 9 +3
Tinsuvilia 3-3-4 12 16 17 -1
Green Wombat 2-3-4 9 14 23 -9
Benlandngdo 2-1-7 7 9 21 -12
Bostopia 1-3-6 6 15 32 -17

SATIVAVILLE STONER
We tell you Where the Doritos Are!!

For the 1st time ever, Sativavillw won back to back games today beating Marceau State for the 4th straight time 2-0. Noe with 3 wins under the belt and currently sitting in 4th place with 4 matches to go, the Fritos seem to be heading on the right track, but they have all but been eliminated from the Cup as they are 12 points back with a maximum of 12 points to be earned left. if Dance 2 Revolution just draws its next game, the Fritos will offically eliminated. Here's the other scores and current standings after MD 10:

Group 1
Sarvoski 0:2 Dance 2 Revolution
Squornshelous 2:0 Anathematic Republics
Rorysville 3:2 Horzel

Group 1 GP W T L PTS GD GF GA
Squornshelous 10 8 2 0 26 19 24 5 26.019024
Dance 2 Revolution 10 7 3 0 24 15 18 3 24.015018
Anathematic Republics 10 5 1 4 16 11 22 9 16.011022
Sativaville 10 3 3 4 12 -3 15 18 11.997015
Marceau State 10 4 0 6 12 -7 19 26 11.993019
Rorysville 10 3 2 5 11 -8 19 27 10.992019
Horzel 10 3 2 5 11 -9 11 20 10.991011
Sarvoski 10 0 1 9 1 -18 6 24 0.982006





For the Stoner, I'm Monty Python and wrap it before you tap it.

The Bloco'yce Courier



The Team Draws UIE

Well, looks like The Team has messed it up for everyone agian, after scoring 1 goal on UIE and being scored upon once. And the United Island Empires had been hoping for this win so very much. I mean, come on, it's The Team, they played, a win couldn't have been too difficult to obtain, but The Team had only one thing in mind - beating the living hell out of the other team. The goal they scored was purely accidental, and Furious Porridge was totally confused as to how it happened. It occured somewhere between Normal Penguin and Wild Penguin attacking three UIE players together, and the part of the game when Mrs. Tweezly sent the UIE captain, Caines, to the sidelines, shaking uncontrolably.

However, after DMYS and Obese Penguin blocked most shots, UIE Striker Will Gyten managed to score, after a comlicated play involving only himself and the left goalpost. The Goalpost was accused of conspiracy to cause The Team to lose, and was destroyed by Devious Penguin and LUNATIC.
The more The Team tried to score, the less successful they became, even almost the entire team rushed the UIE goal, and caused damage to the UIE kits, which are almost entirely unwashable, even by industrial-class washing machines. Terrible, just terrible.

After a particuarly brutal game, with an unusual amount of yellow cards being handed out by Oliverian referee Deigo Parker, The Team found itself with another draw, and in last place.

Next, The Team will face the NSSR, which has reportedly been stockpiling riotshields in anticipation for this game.

Les Canadiens Sont Meilleurs

Oliverry, NMS first nations to qualify

OTTAWA/QUEBEC CITY - As Oliverry and New Montreal States, the two leading Quebecois nations in the NSWC, were first to qualify, observers agreed that this was a sign that this not-quite-distinct society is experiencing a golden age of Internet football.

"With the Habs in the sorry state they're in, we'll take our victories where we can get them," said one random passerby in NMS's former stomping ground of Petite-Patrie in Montreal. Residents of Val D'Or were unavailable for comment, as the party line was down again and the airfield had been taken over by moose.

"I'd like to congratulate those upstanding Canadians from that place, y'know, that place full of angry french people...whassitcalledagain..." commented Prime Minister Stephen Harper.

"I'd like to congratulate those upstanding Quebecois, and I'm sure they agree with me that we need another referendum ASAP," said newly elected PQ head André Boisclair.

"I miss the days when everyone said I'd be a cinch for Harper's job," said embattled Premier Jean Charest. "And it's not helping that my biggest supporters are people like NMS - that is, people who have left the province or are planning on doing so."

"Hey! Lookit me! Over here!" shouted Mario Dumont, leader of the third-party ADQ, before getting subdued with tranquilizer darts by security personnel.

“Well, Sam, there’s just no way to sugarcoat it. The Ians lost today.”

“Indeed they did, Jay.”

“Folks, I don’t mean just lost, I mean they lost-lost!”

“The Tigers shook off their Kazoo blues and toasted the Peoples with three goals today, Jay.”

“That’s almost as much as a surprise as the fact that Dicuban lost, Sam.”

“Erm...”

“Yes, Sam, that was sarcasm. But don’t even try to tempt me away from the real issue by baiting me with your turncoatism. With their three goals today in the Westergate Footballing Grounds, the Nedalia Lions vaulted over the heads of Tadjikistan into the position of ‘most hated nemesis in the group.’”

“Aw, come on, Jay. Why do you look so sad?”

“Sam, I couldn’t expect a bandwagoning fly-by-nighter like yourself to understand, but I’ve attached my ego to the success of the Ians. Ever goal scored by the enemy is like being kneed in the groin.”

“...so am I to take it that you’ll be recommending a system Karela to Coach Truman?”

“Don’t be funny!”

“Like Fred Travalena?”

“The Ians just suffered their most crushing, agonizing defeat in the entire history of everything and you...”

“Aw, Jay! I don’t like seeing you this depressed! What can I do to help you out?”

“Do you have any cyanide?”

“Well -- look at it this way! The Ians are still in this thing!”

“Sam, they’re nine points back of second place, only outpacing hapless the Ozzelia and Dicuban sides. There’s four games left to play. Assuming we win them all, that would give us twenty-three points. That means that the Lions, who have been on fire of late, will have to lose three of them or draw three times and lose once. And don’t even get me started on Molvania, who are just two points behind the Lions. It’s not going to happen, Jack.”

“My name is Sam!”

“Whatever. Where did you go to drink the night away after Molvania beat us? I could use a stiff drink.”

“...I’m not sure that that place would have the, um, ‘appropriate atmosphere’, Jay. Jay?...

“Well, folks, it would seem that my maniacally depressed colleague has fallen unconscious. From the Footballing Grounds, this is ‘Toothless’ Sam St. Pierre alongside Jay McYule. Erm, hurrah the Ians?”

It had not been a pleasant day for anyone involved with the Forces of Hell™. The combination of out-and-out hatred the media was showing for Lion in his first day back on the world stage after the bombing of Carrington in ASMV and the difficulties inherent in taking on a side as talented and explosive as Squornshelous had lead to a very rough matchday for all concerned. The Republics were spinning their wheels in third for the third straight cup. Satan needed more options, badly.

He flipped through the international media, and stopped suddenly when he reached Green Wombat's Free Press. "Their team needs a sponsor?" He had the money - legitimately, even, which it what it would have to be to pass muster. "Marian, hold my calls," he called to the succubus who served as his personal secretary. "I'm going out on business."

"Don't worry," she replied. "Nobody except Morseley's had the balls to call you in three years, and Morseley's rocked off his ass right now."

"Sure about that?"

"It's the only way to watch our team these days."

"True that." He started changing into human shape, put on a three-piece suit and headed to Valdemont, where he maintained the head office of his legitimate mortal businesses.

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

As far as the rest of NMS society was concerned, Lucius van Zibni was a wealthy businessman in a well-preserved late middle age with a keen mind and a sizable personal fortune accumulated in a series of carefully crafted deals over the years that had been, for the overwhelming majority, resounding successes. He had a loving wife and three grown children who had each pursued their own, diverging interests, well supported by their doting father.

Two people had accused him of being the Prince of Darkness. One was locked up in a lunatic asylum, and the other was William Branstone on talk radio after the better part of a fifth of whiskey. Van Zibni had gotten the best of Branstone's father in a business deal shortly before young William's sixteenth birthday, and the car he had gotten had been much worse than he had expected. Neither of them suspected that they were right on target.

Van Zibni, seated in his corner office overlooking the hilly suburbs, was putting the finishing touches on a letter to the Green Wombat powers that be:

To Whom it May Concern:

We are interested in subsidizing your national football team at a rate of your current team budget, adjusted for inflation, under the following terms:

- Sale of your national stadium and all facilities and improvements thereto appertaining, and liscence to use these facilities for concerts, conventions and other events, at a price to be agreed upon;

- 100% of revenues from merchandising, tickets and other team-related incomes, to be taxed at the same rate as other corporate incomes in your nation;

- "Official sponsor" status for a variety of other companies wholly or partially owned by our concern.

Hopefully these terms will be acceptable to your organization. We anticipate this being a beneficial situation for all concerned.

Sincerely,

Lucius Van Zibni
CEO, Van Zibni Investments Ltd.

Satan grinned. Now he would have two teams to play with.

GREEN WOMBAT FREE PRESS

NEW CORPORATE SPONSORSHIP FOUND....GREEN WOMBATS TO PARTCIPATE IN WC XXX!!!

A new sponsor from New Montreal States of all places has decided to help Green Wombat's National Team. The Following is a transcipt of a letter sent to the GWFC earlier this week:


Van Zibni Investments, Ltd., Valdemont, NMS
To Whom it May Concern:

We are interested in subsidizing your national football team at a rate of your current team budget, adjusted for inflation, under the following terms:

- Sale of your national stadium and all facilities and improvements thereto appertaining, and liscence to use these facilities for concerts, conventions and other events, at a price to be agreed upon;

- 100% of revenues from merchandising, tickets and other team-related incomes, to be taxed at the same rate as other corporate incomes in your nation;

- "Official sponsor" status for a variety of other companies wholly or partially owned by our concern.

Hopefully these terms will be acceptable to your organization. We anticipate this being a beneficial situation for all concerned.

Sincerely,


Lucius Van Zibni
CEO, Van Zibni Investments Ltd.



The GWFC has released the following Statement :



The Business proposal put forth by Van Zibni Investments Ltd. is one that this council has wholeheartly agreed upon. This endorsement deal will provide better facilities and training for our athletes nut just for soccer, but for other sports as well. Hopefully with this new influx of capital, our goal of beating those Dammned Ox-Worshippers will come to pass.

The exact tems of the deal were not released to the public, but sources say that it is a 10 year deal with Van Zibni Investments Ltd. having an unlimited number of options to extend the contract. It is expected that the Estadia Hexagona in The Hexagon will be Renamed Van Zibni Stadium for the length of the deal. More on this story as it develops.