NationStates Jolt Archive

World Cup 29: Krytenia/Casari

That's right, ladies and gentlemen, The World Cup 29 Qualifying draw has been made and once again, it is time for us to see which 90 of you aren't quite up to snuff yet.

The top 2 from each group will Qualify. There will be no playoffs. Sorry, 3rd place teams.


Group 1
Squornshelous (5) (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=11102145&postcount=15)
Dance 2 Revolution (30) (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=11106135&postcount=29)
Anathematic Republics (48) (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=11205507&postcount=75)
Rorysville (73) (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=11102122&postcount=14)
Sativaville (121) (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=11101856&postcount=9)
Marceau State (152) (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=11102564&postcount=19)
Horzel (205)
Sarvoski (NR)

Group 2
Fmjphoenix (9) (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=11107695&postcount=32)
Schiavonia (24) (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=11111293&postcount=37)
Vuam and Isma (52) (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=11202172&postcount=75)
Mr Chuck Norris (55) (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=11113140&postcount=39)
Northern Caesarea (102) (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=11105056&postcount=25)
Risa-Aramour (128)
Warrior Treblah (187)
Zychibastan (NR) (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=11180677&postcount=69)

Group 3
Starblaydia (2) (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=11106486&postcount=30)
Bettia (22) (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=11143052&postcount=60)
Legalese (49)
Harlesburg (66) (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=11224867&postcount=82)
Virginia Nova (116) (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=11100095&postcount=5)
AwalKB (142) (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=11105499&postcount=26)
Spindomia (204)
Sexy Games (NR)

Group 4
Audioslavia (14) (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=11198199&postcount=73)
Haraki (35) (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=11101871&postcount=10)
Cuation (39) (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=11110304&postcount=33)
Becquerelia (56) (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=11136706&postcount=56)
Spaamanian Plijous (85)
System Karela (165) (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=11205885&postcount=76)
Intyny (187)
Elves Security Forces (NR) (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=11116283&postcount=42)

Group 5
Total n Utter Insanity (11)
Spruitland (19)
The Macabees (44) (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=11156125&postcount=66)
Swilatia (60) (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=11100152&postcount=6)
One Red Dot (86) (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=11221618&postcount=81)
Dingzanwa (171) (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=11104382&postcount=24)
GarfieldtheFat (198)
Carlitistia (NR)

Group 6
Tadjikistan (13) (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=11113724&postcount=40)
Nedalia (31) (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=11220174&postcount=79)
The Kazoo Peoples (41)
Kirstiriera (64)
Molvania (79)
Ozzelia (166)
Dicuban (187)
Iansisle (NR) (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=11134698&postcount=52)

Group 7
Rejistania (8) (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=11133627&postcount=50)
Sarzonia (18) (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=11195984&postcount=72)
Kericia (47)
Dorian and Sonya (61) (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=11099908&postcount=2)
Kelse (97) (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=11146238&postcount=63)
Tecpatl (152)
Aigosthena (181)
Snub nose 38point1 (NR)

Group 8
Liverpool England (3) (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=11102268&postcount=16)
Cataduanes (32) (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=11143093&postcount=61)
Bazalonia (53) (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=11100780&postcount=7)
Qazox (59) (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=11101967&postcount=11)
Tinsuvilia (84) (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=11156654&postcount=67)
Green wombat (127) (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=11102033&postcount=13)
Benlandngdo (187) (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=11220847&postcount=80)
Bostopia (NR) (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=11134115&postcount=51)

Group 9
Hockey Canada (4) (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=11194679&postcount=71)
Spaam (34) (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=11136918&postcount=57)
Giant Zucchini (45) (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=11157806&postcount=68)
Anastasiania (65)
Raging Penguins (94) (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=11103807&postcount=23)
United Island Empires (155)
The NSSR (184)
Matterbuggy (NR) (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=11143937&postcount=62)

Group 10
Oliverry (15) (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=11152183&postcount=65)
Commerce Heights (21) (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=11204587&postcount=74)
The Lowland Clans (43) (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=11102020&postcount=12)
Collonie (58) (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=11194048&postcount=70)
Mrkvejnia (116) (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=11146573&postcount=64)
Danskmark (164)
Good Happiness (198)
Adam Island (NR)

Group 11
New Montreal States (7) (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=11102520&postcount=17)
Andossa Se Mitrin Vega (23) (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=11100056&postcount=4)
Yafor 2 (46) (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=11138983&postcount=59)
Lisburn Mateys (72) (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=11110598&postcount=34)
Geisenfried (92) (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=11110954&postcount=36)
The Footie Dream Team (171)
Ulyanovia (198)
Ashterrus (207) (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=11116548&postcount=43)

Group 12
Praying2God (17) (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=11135981&postcount=54)
McPsychoville (29) (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=11105744&postcount=27)
Rordia (51)
Tynelia (54) (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=11103438&postcount=22)
Atheistic Right (87) (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=11101809&postcount=8)
Krajkovia (136) (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=11212095&postcount=77)
Bothen (195)
Quakmybush (NR) (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=11133281&postcount=49)

Group 13
The Archregimancy (16) (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=11102597&postcount=20)
Milchama (20) (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=11105990&postcount=28)
Chicanada (38) (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=11116564&postcount=44)
Kaze Progressa (57) (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=11216040&postcount=78)
East Lithuania (107)
Tessan (126) (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=11110666&postcount=35)
Third England (191)
Iaukea (NR)

Group 14
Jeruselem (10) (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=11103413&postcount=21)
Ariddia (27) (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=11099971&postcount=3)
Wentland (40) (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=11132244&postcount=48)
Elrich (62) (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=11116914&postcount=47)
Khenas (124)
Mahaliastan (152)
Artoonia (182)
Sliponia (NR)

Group 15
Bedistan (1) (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=11198648&postcount=74)
The Islands of Qutar (25) (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=11235999&postcount=84)
Pastorville (50) (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=11136120&postcount=55)
Magnus Valerius (68) (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=11102548&postcount=18)
Nebuleux (81)
Kedalfax (171)
Sovietry (207)
Nikea (NR) (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=11138760&postcount=58)

The Match Schedule will be as follows:

MD1- 1v8, 2v7, 3v6, 4v5
MD2- 1v2, 6v4, 7v3, 8v5
MD3- 2v8, 3v1, 7v4, 6v5
MD4- 1v4, 2v3, 5v7, 8v6
MD5- 3v8, 4v2, 5v1, 7v6
MD6- 4v3, 5v2, 6v1, 8v7
MD7- 5v3, 6v2, 7v1, 8v4
MD8- 8v1, 7v2, 6v3, 5v4
MD9- 2v1, 4v6, 3v7, 5v8
MD10- 8v2, 1v3, 4v7, 5v6
MD11- 4v1, 3v2, 7v5, 6v8
MD12- 8v3, 2v4, 1v5, 6v7
MD13- 3v4, 2v5, 1v6, 7v8
MD14- 3v5, 2v6, 1v7, 4v8

Matchday 1 will kick off on Wednesday the 21st. Good luck to all the teams, and we'll see you in 2 weeks!

ooC: can you post the ranks? and wednesday is the 21st.

Rankifying and Linkifying will take place tonight when I have a bit more internet time.

also, the top how many nations qualify?

Gazetta de'Esporte

Vuam and Isma face old foe.

Vuam and Isma will face one of their first opponents, the boisterous Mr Chuck Norris squad.

This comes as a big challenge for 3rd place, as the Norrises have been almost on par with Vuam and Isma right from the start of the BoF that saw both teams have their first international matches.

Chuck Norris was the faster out of the starting block, managing far better than Vuam and Isma in the BoF, and in the subsequent WCQ. However, come the CoH, both teams failed equally. Luckily though, Vuam and Isma managed to equal the Norrises' WCQ28 campaign, and in CoH14, Vuam and Isma went one round further than the Norrises, losing in the quater finals.

But both teams will remember that this group is one with one objective for both sides : qualification for WC29. Chuck Norris against Colm O'Connor at one end, Fitzsimons against Mr. Bednarik at the other end, the matches between the two teams will have a scent of revenge for past grudges, and promises for a future rivalry.

Otherwise, the Whites and Azures face FMJPhoenix and Schiavonia as sure favorites of the group, the only question being wich one will be first, and is it possible for the other to slip up enough to allow V&I to pip them to 2nd spot? Trips to Northern Caesarea, Risa-Aramour, Warrior Treblah, and Zychibastan make up the last matches, but there it will be more a question of will V&I be able to play to their level against these less-known teams that will be wanting to pack a hard blow to each team's hopes of qualifying.

Here's our predict for the final group standings :


Group 2
Fmjphoenix
Schiavonia
Vuam and Isma
Mr Chuck Norris
Zychibastan
Risa-Aramour
Northern Caesarea
Warrior Treblah



(OOC : Rooster will be submitted at the end of simulation of Season 2 of the V&I Topplig.)

Alexandria Times-Tribune-Star-News-Today-Post-Gazette-Chronicle-Journal-Enquirer

The Official Newspaper of the Official Nation of World Cup 29

Sports Section

Group 13 is nice but man does Group 10 look gooood

Well the World Cup is here again folks and this time we expect to do even better than last time, which will be pretty hard as we exceeded everyone's expectations, including our own (gasp). Coach Jamie Smith said the draw was, "Interesting, we got a few teams that we like playing and we got a team that really hates us for something that we didn't do. So that's always fun. Anyway, we expect to advance and get to our third strait World Cup."
We also like our chances a lot. We will also be continuing the Raging Penguins this cup as they paid us more money- I mean our love of the nation is increasing rapidly. Also Group 10 looks awesome with Oliverry (Jonathan Fairbanks, former Milchamian manager as their manager), The Lowland Clans, and Collonie in that group. And now without further ado we have the infamous Milchamian predictions:

Group 13
The Archregimancy (16)- The monks have really made it high, as they have gone from unranked in WC24 to number 16 in just 5 cups. Despite that they are still very beatable and our very early MD 2 matchup will probably shape up the rest of the tournament.
Milchama (20)- We just made the second round of the last tournament and qualified two tournaments before that. We also have the closest between the first and second ranked teams, meaning this is a good time to come in first in a qualifying group.
Chicanada (38)- The last time we played them it was dogged by a refereeing scandal that caused them to withdraw themselves from the tournament. For that they will still be mad and we won't let up either. Expect two tough and physical games.
Kaze Progressa (57)- KP are always a tough opponent no matter what their ranking is. Since they came back they have not been as good but they are still a formidable foe, still we should be able to beat them at least once.
East Lithuania (107)- These guys again. They seem to dissapear and reappear every couple of cups without doing anything. Expect a similar result in World Cup 29.
Tessan (126)- They were third place in Baptism of Fire. And they also are egotisitcal to boot, well either their egos will be bruised considerably or they will learn to lose with dignity because they are going to do a lot of losing.
Third England (191)- Another BoFer, but nobody heard much from them during the tournament. Despite a name that seems rich in footballing pedigry we expect an early for these seeming no hopers.
Iaukea (NR)- They will only get two wins, both against Milchama. We guarantee right now. Outside of that they will suck.

Raging Penguins Report:
They are in Group 9 with some pretty big footballing powers. They will not qualify but they will pull an upset or two along the way.

Elven Times
Draw Results

Today the groups for World Cup 29 were drawn and the outlook for the Marauders looks niether bleak or optimistc. While Audioslavia is the "powerhouse" in the group, there are several other decent squads that will pose a challenge.

Group 4
Audioslavia (14)
Haraki (35)
Cuation (39)
Becquerelia (56)
Spaamanian Plijous (85)
System Karela (165)
Intyny (187)
Elves Security Forces (NR)

The first game versus Audioslavia will be a true test of how well the Marauders have trained over the past few months. The following match against Spaamanian Plijous will be important. With a probable loss to Audioslavia in the first match, the squad will need at least a draw in the second match if they are to have any hopes of qualifying. Here is the complete list of matches.

Matchday 1: Audioslavia V Marauders
Matchday 2: Marauders V Spammanian Plijous
Matchday 3: Haraki V Marauders
Matchday 4: Marauders V System Karela
Matchday 5: Cuation V Marauders
Matchday 6: Marauders V Intyny
Matchday 7: Marauders V Becquerelia
Matchday 8: Marauders V Audioslavia
Matchday 9: Spaamanian Plijous V Marauders
Matchday 10: Marauders V Haraki
Matchday 11: System Karela V Marauders
Matchday 12: Marauders V Cuation
Matchday 13: Intyny V Marauders
Matchday 14: Becquerelia V Marauders

Article by Ron Santapa

The opening graphics for World Cup 29 qualification start up. The theme music "Pride of Bostopia" was specially written, and follows a hard-hitting classical music theme, as shots of Bostopian players making passes, taking shots and celebrating are shown in front of major landmarks and stadiums in Casari and Krytenia, ending with a large graphic showing the World Cup 29 logo, with the stadium for the World Cup final shown in the background.

The logo fades into a shot of a smiling Barry Carron (38 years old, a retired centre forward, who earned a record 102 caps for Bostopia and 54 goals, while playing for Rolida FC all his professional career, winning one league championship and four UFR Cup of Nations) in the Channel 95 studio, and to his left is the World Cup panel of Luke Gregg (42, legendary retired central defender captain of Fort Boston Fireside and Bostopia, being given 54 caps and just 4 goals), Gary Moore (aged 29, who played at Port Flamerty FC as a central midfielder, earning 39 caps and 12 goals before his career was cut short by a double fracture sustained during training the previous year) and Frank Williams, (53, an Outer Sygonese right-winger who found his fame playing for Sygon City FC of Outer Sygon and then Ranton Rovers, famed for his free kicks, gaining 75 caps and 34 goals for the Outer Sygonese national team, winning two UFR Cup of Nations in the process). The group are sat infront of windows, which look out upon the pitch and patterned blue and red seats at the 95,000 seater Bostopia Stadium in Fort Boston.

[Carron] Hello and welcome to World Cup 29! I’m here with some recognisable faces, Luke Gregg, Gary Moore, and Frank Williams, who will be our panel throughout qualifying, and hopefully, the World Cup! Tonight we’re waiting for the qualifying round draw! Bostopia, being of course unranked after having only played regional games will find themselves in a tough spot, but after performances in the UFR Cup of Nations, will go in looking to test opposition from further afield. Well, it looks like that opposition is ready for the draw; let's cross over to that now!

--Draw--

[Announcer] The first team into group 8 is…Qazok, ranked 59th in the World.

And the second team…Cataduanes, ranked 32nd.

The third team now…Bostopia, the group’s unranked side!

[Carron] Already looking a tough group for Bostopia, let’s hope for a favourable draw to come.

[Announcer] The fourth team to go into group 8 is…Green Wombat, ranked 127th.

The fifth team…Liverpool England, ranked 3rd!

A more louder cheer went up for this team than the previous 4 had gained, as Liverpool England immediately became group favourites.

[Carron] Remember folk’s, they may be third, but football’s a funny old game!

[Williams] But not if you’re losing!

[Announcer] The sixth team in is…Benlandngdo, ranked 187th.

The seventh team…Bazalonia, who are ranked 53rd

And the final team will be…Tinsuvilia, ranked 87th!

The announcer went on to draw the teams for eight placed teams for the remaining seven groups.

--Channel 95 Studio--

[Carron] Well, it was an interesting draw, and Bostopia will be facing stiff competition! I want you to be frank now Frank, as an Outer Sygonian, what do you think Bostopia’s chances will be for qualifying?

[Williams] Frankly, I don’t see them as being easy. All the teams in there are strong, whatever the rank, and being drawn with a top three team certainly hasn’t improved Bostopia’s chances. But, as Bostopia is the UFR’s only team in Qualifying, they’ve got my backing.

[Carron] Always a help Frank. Gary, I know you’d love to be playing out there, but which player do you think will be Bostopia’s star in qualifying?

[Moore] It’s a hard choice, there’s 23 quality, quality players out there. I’m going to have to say Steven Serring, our number 4. He’s exactly what you’d ask for in the centre of midfield, I know because I’ve played next to him. He can go forward and attack, and hit blinding shots from way out, but he’s a brilliant holding midfielder too, and he will come back and make those crucial interceptions and tackles.

[Gregg] I disagree there, I’m looking at Frank Mirring, of Hilltop FC, he may be only 19, but he’s proved he’s a class player at the highest tier of league football, and already has 9 goals in 14 games for Bostopia! I would not look past him for a second if you were betting on our top scorer!

[Carron] Well Luke, I may have to take that bet! However, the fixtures have just been released, so here they are.

MD1 - Liverpool England -v- Bostopia
MD2 - Bostopia -v- Tinsuvilia
MD3 - Cataduanes -v- Bostopia
MD4 - Bostopia -v- Green Wombat
MD5 - Bazalonia -v- Bostopia
MD6 - Bostopia -v- Benlandngdo
MD7 - Bostopia -v- Qazok
MD8 - Bostopia -v- Liverpool England
MD9 - Tinsuvilia -v- Bostopia
MD10 - Bostopia -v- Cataduanes
MD11 - Green Wombat -v- Bostopia
MD12 - Bostopia -v- Bazalonia
MD13 - Benlandngdo -v- Bostopia
MD14 - Qazok -v- Bostopia

So, we kick off on the 21st June away at Liverpool England. A tough game for Bostopia, but we know they’ll do us proud. Of course, all our home games will be right here at the Bostopia Stadium, along with being shown on Channel 95. But for now, we bid you a good night, and good luck to Bostopia. The other presenters nod in approval and smile at the camera as they fade out.

Hockey Canada expected to take group 9

Hockey Canada (4)
Spaam (34)
Giant Zucchini (45)
Anastasiania (65)
Raging Penguins (94)
United Island Empires (155)
The NSSR (184)
Matterbuggy (NR)

Spaam- (34) FIFA Team: Saudi Arabia.
Spaam has been Hockey Canada's bitch since the Communist nation set foot ont he same pitch as the crazy Spaamians. Undefeated against this odd team, Hockey Canada will most likely pick up at least 3 points and maybe a 4th. Being compared to Saudi Arabia may piss off this bitch-of-Hockey Canada but it's nothing we cannot handle. After all... we're going to freeze them alive.

Giant Zucchini- (45) FIFA Team: Ukraine
Unknown to Hockey Canada, Giant Zucchini should be a tasty morsel for the Hockey Canadian hordes. At 45th ranked in the world they shouldn't be too much trouble frozen or deep fried. An own goal or two should easily handle this Giant Zucchini. Giant Zucchini had better not forget their balls. 6 points hands and zucchinis down.

Anastasiania- (65) FIFA Team: Belarus
Anna what? anatas-who? For a nation that sounds like a disease, Anastasiania should be vaccinated by Hockey Canada's cold and physical style of play easily. Anastasiania may try and pull even a slight upset but will get wiped out like vermin carrying anastasiania. 6 points against the team from a former commie nation.

Raging Penguins- (94) FIFA Team: Rwanda
They think they're WHAT??? We're the coldest team in the tournement with no competition. If they think they can beat us in a cold stadium, think again. We'll crank up the Air Conditioning in scorching -25 celcius weather.

United Island Empires- (155) FIFA Team: Grenada
Hello mudda, hello fadda... here we are at... Camp Grenada. Come on United Island Empires, entertain us with attempts to beat us.

The NSSR- (184) FIFA Team: Cambodia
The wannabe-commies cam-bo dee uh away from us. They might as well forefit to keep the Goal Differential closer.

Matterbuggy- FIFA Team: Wallis and Futuna
No... just no.

Projected Rankings for Qualification:

Hockey Canada
Giant Zucchini
Spaam
Raging Penguins
Anastasiania
United Island Empires
Matterbuggy
The NSSR

"Bazalopes Finally have chance to Qualify" by Nev Gould

Before we go into a detailed look at exactly why I believe the Bazalopes have a good chance to stop languishing in the Qualifiers and make it to the proper world cup. Let's have a look at our competitors

1st Seed--- Liverpool England, ranked 3rd in the World and is going to be a very tough opponent... We may end up with a draw at TeleBaz Stadium but it will be a very tough match.

2nd Seed--- A much easier opponent than third ranked Liverpool England and we will need to dominate play against them and take crucial points from them if we are going to make it to the world cup. But don't be deceived this won't be an easy opponent. The Bazalopes will just have to be better on the day.

3rd Seed--- That's us, we have 3 World Cup campaigns under our belt and this is our greatest chance to make it into World Cup proper since our international Debut back in WC 26. Will our fourth World Cup Qualifier mean our first entrance into the World Cup proper? Well 14 matchdays and we'll find out.

4th Seed--- Qazox, Ox worshipers that have been nipping at our heels since theie entrance in the Baptism of Fire before world Cup 27. This team is ranked very close to us but I think we will pull out an over all win against them.

5th Seed--- Tinsuvilia, a steadliy improving team but I don't think they will have much chance against us simply because the Bazalopes are improving faster.

6th Seed--- Green Wombat, rivals with Qazox both on and off the soccer field the Green Wombat also premiered with Qazox but have not enjoyed their success. Sorry... but an easy win for the Bazalopes which also happens to be our first opponent at home at TeleBaz Stadium.

7th Seed--- Benlandngdo, new nation. They where in the Baptism of Fire our region but failed to even get to the BoF finals. Expect total Bazalope dominance.

8th Seed--- Bostopia another new nation, totally unranked and is not even really worth commenting on... easy wins.

Using this as a guide we have estimated 30 points for the Bazalopes which should be enough to guarantee spot number 2 for the World Cup and our first entrance in the Bazalonian Soccer History for the world cup.


MD 1: Home vs. Green Wombat
MD 2: Away @ Benlandngdo
MD 3: Home vs. Liverpool England
MD 4: Away @ Cataduanes
MD 5: Home vs. Bostopia
MD 6: Away @ Qazox
MD 7: Home vs. Tinsuvilia
MD 8: Away @ Green Wombat
MD 9: Home vs. Benlandngdo
MD 10: Away @ Liverpool England
MD 11: Home vs. Cataduanes
MD 12: Away @ Bostopia
MD 13: Home vs. Qazox
MD 14: Away @ Tinsuvilia

The Centrifuge Sports Television Network presents our predictions for Group 4 and the World Cup.

Group 4

Audioslavia (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=11198199&postcount=73) (14)
http://www.geocities.com/becquerelia/images/audioslavia.gif

Audioslavia is known as a bit of a underachiever in World Cup play. They've been to more World Cup finals than just about any team in the world, but have yet to win it all. It doesn't seem that this time will be any different.
Prediction: First, Qualify

Haraki (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=11101871&postcount=10) (35)
http://www.geocities.com/becquerelia/images/haraki.gif

We meet again! Becquerelia played Haraki twice during their Cup of Harmony run, and Haraki won both matches. While Becquerelia's team has gotten younger in the successive years, Haraki maintains many of their players from that first run. Their age could be their weakness.
Prediction: Second, Qualify

Cuation (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=11110304&postcount=33) (39)
http://www.geocities.com/becquerelia/images/cuation.gif

It seems more like a hunch, but one of the top teams in every group in every World Cup qualifying has to have a somewhat disappointing run, and Cuation seems like that team.
Prediction: Fourth

Becquerelia (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=11136706&postcount=56) (56)
http://www.geocities.com/becquerelia/images/becquerelia.gif

We would love to say that Becquerelia is sure to qualify for their first World Cup finals, but it doesn't seem like they're quite there yet. It looks much more likely that the team will, for the the third time, finish one spot out of qualifying.
Prediction: Third

Spaamanian Plijous (85)
http://www.geocities.com/becquerelia/images/spammanianplijous.gif

Spaamanian Plijous, colony of Spaam, tends to do poorly in World Cup qualifying, and has never qualified for the World Cup. However, in qualifying for World Cup 28, Spaamanian Plijous actually out-performed their mother country of Spaam, finishing fourth in their group. It's hard to expect that to happen once again.
Prediction: Seventh

System Karela (135)
http://www.geocities.com/becquerelia/images/systemkarela.gif

If you thought Becquerelia's moderatly defensive style of play was boring, System Karela is going to make you cry. They've made defending into not just a artform, but a religion. Expect them to get alot of ties, and not to come close to qualifying.
Prediction: Sixth

Intyny (187)
http://www.geocities.com/becquerelia/images/intyny.gif

Who are these players from Intyny? Good question. The team finished 6th out of the 7 teams in their Baptism of Fire group. They should be a easy three points for just about everyone.
Prediction: Eighth

Elves Security Forces (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=11116283&postcount=42) (NR)
http://www.geocities.com/becquerelia/images/elvessecurity.gif

Another World Cup newcomer, like Intyny. Unlike Intyny, they've jumped into the world of international football with both feet. The Elvish press has been good about getting their team's news out into the world, and it looks like Elves Security Forces could be a bit of a spoiler. They should definitly be competitive, matchday in, matchday out.
Prediction: Fifth


Becquerelia's Upcoming Schedule
Home Team Last
WIN DRAW LOSS
MD1: Spaamanian Plijous at Becquerelia
MD2: Becquerelia at System Karela
MD3: Becquerelia at Intyny
MD4: Becquerelia at Audioslavia
MD5: Haraki at Becquerelia
MD6: Cuation at Becquerelia
MD7: Becquerelia at Elves Security Forces
MD8: Becquerelia at Spaamanian Plijous
MD9: System Karela at Becquerelia
MD10: Intyny at Becquerelia
MD11: Audioslavia at Becquerelia
MD12: Becquerelia at Haraki
MD13: Becquerelia at Cuation
MD14: Elves Security Forces at Becquerelia

The AwalKB Times
AWALKB READY FOR THE WORST

AWALK CITY, AwalKB -- After todays announcment of World Cup 29 Qualifying groups AwalKB citizens everywhere have conceded some version of the following statement, "We're screwed."

Although what could they expect? After coming out of the Baptism of Fire Tournament with a rank of 142 the squad didn't really have a chance in the first place.

The Prime Minister Dunkn Do Nut, Head of the AwalKB National Football Association, has provided no comment on the national Football team since AwalKian soldiers were arrested in Legalese at the conclusion of the Baptism of Fire Tournament for falsely imprisoning Head Coach Alfred Flatt after a 1-0 defeat to Tessan.

Insider information from and unknown source has indicated that this arrest was warranted by the Prime Minister on the grounds the Flatt acted irresponsibly as Head Coach. He presumebly let in about 20 or so attractive young Tessan ladies entertain his men the night before the game, consequently tiring out the national squad.

However, the AwalKB team has officially stated that Flatt will still be acting as Head Coach, baffling many and consequently producing many people to urge the Prime Minister to make some sort of statement with the situation in Legalese.

In any case the AwalKB team is most likely expected to stick to its original 23-man roster from the Baptism of Fire tournament, as insider sources on the Prime Minister say that when questioned about trying other players for the National Team he was quoted with saying, "what do we need to try out another team for...we have one don't we...screw other players we have a team...so what if they're injured?" and so on and so forth.

The AwalKB Sex Gods have been placed in a very competitive group and quite frankly, are expected by few to get out in good shape. Group 3 consists of the following teams:

Group 3
Starblaydia (2) (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=11106486&postcount=30)
Bettia (22) (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=11143052&postcount=60)
Legalese (49)
Harlesburg (66)
Virginia Nova (116) (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=11100095&postcount=5)
AwalKB (142) (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=11105499&postcount=26)
Spindomia (204)
Sexy Games (NR)

The Sex God's Qualifying schedule is as follows:

Day 1 - Legalese (49) vs. AwalKB (142)
MD2- AwalKB (142) vs. Harlesburg (66)
MD3- AwalKB (142) vs Virginia Nova (116)
MD4- Sexy Games (N/A) vs. AwalKB (142)
MD5- Spindomia (204) vs. AwalKB (142)
MD6- AwalKB (142) vs Starblaydia (2)
MD7- AwalKB (142) vs Bettia (22)
MD8- AwalKB (142) vs Legalese (49)
MD9- Harlesburg (66) vs AwalKB (142)
MD10- Virginia Nova (116) vs AwalKB (142)
MD11- AwalKB (142) vs Sexy Games (N/A)
MD12- AwalKB (142) vs. Spindomia (204)
MD13- Starblaydia (2) vs. AwalKB (142)
MD14- Bettia (22) vs. AwalKB (142)

The Sex Gods will be traveling to a place they've called home for quite a while at the Baptism of Fire in Legalese.

"Although they were very welcoming at the BoF tournament, I don't expect to get any of the same vibe Wednesday, especially after the military incident at the end of the tourney. Mercy isn't expected, although we can always hope for it," solemley stated captain Andrew Wilson of the AwalKB squad.

The squads preformance in the first 3 games will be crucial in how the rest of qualification turns out for the nation. "Should we get a draw in one of the matches, I'd be completely astonished," quoted Coach Alfred Flatt from an undiclosed location that we no nothing about or that he is even at a location at the present time.

On the other hand, with all this pessimism, some fans still express hope for the squad. "I think we'll be able to pull off at least one win out of the first 15 games," proudly stated one excited fan.

Some even went to the extreme of predicting a victory of 2 games and 2 draws for the team throughout the qualification period which has clearly been the opinion of a good 49% minority. The dominating 51% saying the team is essentially a win for anyone who plays them.

Only time can tell how this newly founded team will fair on the ultimate football stage. By Joe Lohos

Hawks Drawn Into Qualifying Group 4
From the Haraki News Network, Print Edition

Rebecca Bristol, Atherlon. After a succesful World Cup qualifying campaign two years ago, the Haraki Hawks were taken through into World Cup 28 for the first time in so many years. The Hawks' triumphant return to international football four years ago led to them finishing a disappointing fifth in their qualifying group. But two years ago the Hawks managed to eke out a last-minute qualifying win to make their way into World Cup 28, where they managed only one win, a close 2-1 victory over Total n Utter Insanity. It also marked Haraki's first appearance in the World Cup since World Cup 9.

The Hawks, currently ranked 35th in the world, have been drawn into Group 4 as the second-seeded team, with the first being football giants Audioslavia, and the third seed being Cuation, only four ranks behind Haraki, most liekly heading for a strong fight for the two qualifying spots. In fourth is Becquerelia, Haraki's old friends and rivals. In the pre-World Cup 27 Baptism of Fire tournament, Haraki beat Becquerelia twice: once, when both had qualified to move on out of groups, and when Haraki claimed the group title and a perfect record of five shutouts, and again in the tournament semi-final, where Haraki won again, only to lose to Allied Anime Worlds in the final.

The group is rounded out by Haraki and Becquerelia's Baptism of Fire partners Spaamanian Plijous, System Karela, Intyny, and lastly Elves Security Forces.

Haraki's team this year is composed of a lot of familiar faces plus some new ones. In the forwards, striker Mike Zendar reclaims his familiar place as front-right forward and team captain, with most people expecting him to make another outstanding showing in this World Cup. He has scored 35% of Haraki's total international goals, and his percentage grows higher and higher with each tournament. Although his age could prove a problem - he will turn 41 during qualifying - his form and technique seems only to improve as he grows older, and he was the spearhead for a whole new generation of Harakian footballers. He is quite possibly the most famous person in Haraki, and has been voted the 'most recognizeable face in Haraki' twelve times over the last twenty-three years since his football debut.

Also expected to make a splash this year are left striker Matthew Thompson, bringing youth and vigour to the forward game, although definitely outclassed trying to keep up his side of the striking opposite Mike Zendar, and midfield Richard Weber, the nation's upcoming star. He's number two for season goals last season, following only Zendar himself, and the North Susa right attacking midfield - playing #7 for Haraki - definitely has flair and is good at handling the ball. Weber is tied for second-most international goals ever, claiming eleven for the Hawks even since his debut just two years ago. Tied for second-most goals is Manuel Cortes, who has been banned by the Harakian Football Association from participating on the national team until next season starts.

Expect Thomas Neils to play his classic midfield game, making long passes up to offensive players, and goalkeeper Mark Stone to make some crucial saves. Backup keeper Christopher O'Hara, only seventeen years old with several caps already for the national team and the U21s, shoudl be ready at a moment's notice to come on, as will U21 midfield Theo Angelica and veteran left striker Samuel Sharp, this year playing reservist.

Qualifying matches begin in two days, with the Hawks playing their first game against Intyny on June 21st.

Rebecca Bristol is the HNN's leading sports multi-commentator.

QSPN FOOTBALL WEEKLY

"Welcome to the Premeire of QSPN FOOTBALL WEEKLY i'm your host, Ben Rottenburger and I'll be joined weekly with National team Head Coach, Jason Bourne, who is also Head Coach of Rockport AC of the QFL, Welcome Coach."

Bourne- "Thanks for having me here Ben. Hopefully this year we'll get it all together and Qualify for the World Cup."

Rottenburger- "Who do you see on the team as the leader and best player to help advance us into the Cup Finals?"

Bourne- "It's tough to single out any one player as only a team effort will get us to our goal, but i expect big things once again from our forwards, Alicia “Speedy” Gonzalez and Marie Goya. Reggie Hassok has vastly improved his game as well, so I think this team may be ready to take the next step."

Rottenburger- "The qualifying group draw just took place about an hour ago and what are your thoughts on the group?"

Bourne- "Its a tough group once again. Two-time champ and runners-up Liverpool England is the team to beat, but i feel that we may steal a draw when they come here. Cataduanes, ranked 32nd in the world is always a threat to qualify, but lately have been sliding, we could beat them twice, if conditions are alright."

Rottenburger- "Then comes Bazalonia, ranked just 6 spots above us and Tinsuvilia, ranked 84th. How do we match up with these teams?"

Bourne- "Rather well, Tinsuvilia is an up and comer, but inexpeirnce could hurt them, as for Bazalonia,who will be looking to avenge a Dragonnii Inviyattii loss to us, it will come down to which side can react better to the flow of the match."

Rottenburger- "After those teams, the bottom part of the draw contains our old rivals Green Wombat and New Comers Benlandngdo and Bostopia. We should beat these teams easily right?"

Bourne- "You can't take any team for granted, espesically Green Wombat, they missed the last Cup, but did good at WC27. As for the newer teams, they have nothing to lose and that makes them difficult to prepare for."

Rottenburger- "Thanks you coach. We now have comfirmation of the venues and dates of all the matches and we'll post them after this commercial break."

[[Commericals of GANJA-VODKA and BURRITO KING are shown]]

Rottenburger- "Welcome back. For those of you who can't wait to get tickets for the matches, here's the schedule and times for the qualifing games:"

MatchDay One: Vs. Tinsuvilia @ Lorax Field, Lorax City, 5:07pm
MatchDay Two: @ Green Wombat
MatchDay Three: @ Benlandngdo
MatchDay Four: @ Liverpool England
MatchDay Five: Vs. Cataduanes, @ Qazox Memorial Stadium, Qazox City, 8:35pm
MatchDay Six: Vs. Bazalonia, @ Qazox Memorial Stadium, Qazox City, 4:10 pm
MatchDay Seven: @Bostopia
MatchDay Eight: @ Tinsuvilia
MatchDay Nine: Vs. Green Wombat, @ Esatdio de Toro Rojo, Cuidad de Iguana, 6:55pm
MatchDay Ten: Vs. Benlandngdo, @ Estadia Pika, Pika City 9:00pm
Matchday Eleven: Vs. Liverpool England, @ Qazox Memorial Stadium, 12:08 pm
MatchDay Twelve: @ Cataduanes
MatchDay Thirteen: @ Bazalonia
MatchDay Fourteen: Vs. Bostopia, @ Esatdio de Toro Rojo, Cuidad de Iguana, 11:45 am

Rottenburger- "Coach, unlike the last couple of Qualifiers, you have the 1st and last games at home, with the toughest part seemingly the Games against LE and the last two away games."

Bourne- "Well the 1st three games are key. If we best Tinsuvilia at home and beat GW and Benlandngdo on the road before we travel to LE, then I'd say we're in great shape for the group."

Rottenburger- " Up next how Qazox voted on how the group will finish."

[[Commercials for The Monet Riddle and OX-Men III are shown]]

Rottenburger- "welcome back again. here's how the nation of Qazox has voted on who they think the group will settle out based only on 1st place votes:

(%of 1st place votes of 13,967 cast)

1st- Liverpool England (83.5%)-11,656
2nd- Bazalonia (6.44%)-900
3rd- Qazox (5.71%)-798
4th- Cataduanes (3.36%)-469
5th- Tinsuvilia (2.12%)-296
6th- Bostopia (0.215%)-30
7th- Green Wombat(0.093%)-13
8th- Benlandngdo(0.035%)-5

Rottenburger: "For QSPN FOOTBALL WEEKLY, I'm Ben Rottenburger, see you next week when we will predict who will advance. Good Night and Ox bless."

Woodstock Daily Mail

Ryan Calvin

NOT THEM AGAIN

The Sarzonian national football team underwent a massive transformation after World Cup XXVIII's group stage flameout and a disasterous ninth place finish in a Dragon Invitational tournament that the Stars won the first two times it was contested. Despite public statements to the contrary, sources within the Incorporated Football Federation reported that the results cost Coach Brett Hancock his job and turned the reins over to virtual unknown Mark Wingate.

"Fair or not, Brett was the scapegoat for what happened in Andossa Se Mitrin Vega," one source said on condition that his name not be revealed due to the prospect of legal action by Hancock. "Dave Wilson was the man in charge the last two World Cups, but he's still seen as a legend in these parts so he'd never be fired. Brett, however is a different story."

"I was blindsided," Hancock said in his first interview after the IFF reported that he resigned. "Basically, they said, 'you're going to resign and you're going to tell the media that it was your choice or you'll have problems'.

"I feel bad that I didn't even get a fair chance to coach the team during a World Cup. If we miss the finals, then you have every right to go in a different direction. But I didn't even get a chance to show people what I could do."

The move to force Hancock out may not have been fair, but it was most likely necessary. For a team that advanced to the semifinals in four straight World Cups, from World Cup XXII through World Cup XXVI, the team has plummeted from the world's number one ranking down to 18th. Wingate promises to bring a whole different attitude to the Stars.

"We're going to bring back that work rate that we've made our hallmark in the past," Wingate said. "That's why I wanted a young team. That's why I wanted a whole new team. I didn't want a bunch of guys going through the motions. I wanted 23 players who are willing to put everything out there for their country."

Media who attend training sessions for the Stars under Wingate will notice that the team's intensity has picked up enormously.

"The practices are much like Dad ran them up through World Cup XXIV," said assistant coach and former Stars legend Brian Wilson. "Short and crisp. Dad firmly believed that you practice like you play. That's what Mark brings to the table."

The Stars face Group 7, with familiar opponents and Sarzonian nemesis Rejistania as the top seeds. Kelse and Dorian and Sonya are the other teams Sarzonia is somewhat familiar with, but Wingate said the team would approach each match with the same intensity.

"We can't play any different against Rejistania than anyone else," Wingate said. "We've gotten that monkey off our backs [a winless lifetime record against the Orange-Blues until Sarzonia's 2-0 win closed out the World Cup XXVII group stage]. Now it's time to play football."

GREEN WOMBAT FREE PRESS

After a long 10 years of civil war and reconstruction, Green Wombat is ready once again to participate in international events. First up is World Cup XXIX, where the Fighting Wombats have drawn a very tough group contaning Liverpool England, considered by many the best in the world, Catduanes, consistant WC finalist, Bazalonia, a tough veteran squad, our old rivals, Qazox (enough said) and three teams we've never heard of. Early speculation amongst other countries is that Green Wombat will be runover like road-kill, but this country has come to far over the last decade to roll-over for anybody. Good luck to the Fighting Wombats and we all hope to see you in Krytenia or Casari

SATIVAVILLE STONER
We tell you Where the Doritos Are!!

World Cup 29: Krytenia/Casari

That's right, ladies and gentlemen, The World Cup 29 Qualifying draw has been made and once again, it is time for us to see which 90 of you aren't quite up to snuff yet.

The top 2 from each group will Qualify. There will be no playoffs. Sorry, 3rd place teams.


Group 1
Squornshelous (5) (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=11102145&postcount=15)
Dance 2 Revolution (30) (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=11106135&postcount=29)
Anathematic Republics (48)
Rorysville (73) (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=11102122&postcount=14)
Sativaville (121) (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=11101856&postcount=9)
Marceau State (152) (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=11102564&postcount=19)
Horzel (205)
Sarvoski (NR)



These are the teams that Sativaville will have to contend with to Qualify for the 29th World Cup. I'm Monty Python and the BoF Champs have drawn themselves a difficult group. The Fritos have only met one of their opponnets before, Marceau State, and the others are perennial WC contenders or champs. Hopefully with a few lucky bounces, a bad call or two and a major injury to the better teams, Sativaville can shock the world and qualify, but it will be a long 2 weeks.

"what do you mean we have to cover the World Cup too? I don't know the first thing about football!"

"Sam, we're on."

"But this is a breach of our contract! 'Cherry Cup only', I was told. Not the world cup!"

"Sam, the on-air light is on."

"It's an absolute -- what's that?"

"By 'we're on', I mean shut up and wait for your call."

"Oh."

"Coming to you live from the Westergate Footballing Grounds, this is Jay McYule alongside 'Toothless' Sam St. Pierre with all your World Cup updates."

"This is stupid."

"Brilliant observation, Sam. Topping the news today is the official world cup draw. There's both good news and bad news for the Ians. Which would you like first, Sam?"

"I hate football."

"The bad news it is! The Ians weren't drawn into a group with Audioslavia, meaning that we won't have the chance to revenge ourselves on the 'slaves for those footballing humiliations until the finals. Now, Sam, I'll just bet you're waiting to hear the good news, right?"

"I most certainly could not care less, Jay."

"Glad to hear it! In good news, the Ians weren't drawn into a group with Audioslavia, meaning that we won't have to relive our long string of humiliating defeats at their hands until the finals.”

“You know, Jay, what’s with all this ‘finals’ business? I was just looking through these sheets, and it would appear that the Ians are such an awful team that they’re not only seeded eight in their group, but they’re also not even ranbked. How will they --”

“It’s pronounced ‘ranked’ in World Cup play, Sam, not ‘ranbked’.”

“This is such a stupid tournament. I can’t even say ranbked?”

“Afraid not, Sam.”

“Anyway, how does an unranbked--”

“ranked”

“RANKED! Whatever. How does an unranked team advance to the finals out of a field of more than one hundred? Especially one where several key players are on loan from the Museum of Ancient Artifacts?”

“Simple, Sam. Just look at the rest of Group Six.”

“Six...stupid ....let’s see. There’s Tad *ahem* Tad-jeek-ass-ten, Nedalia, the Kazoo Peoples, Key-wrist-er-er-er-er-ea...ra, Molvania, Ozzelia, and Dicuban -- can I really say that on the air?”

“You sure can, Sam. Now, what’s the one thing that you notice about all of those countries?”

“I don’t know who the hell any of them are.”

“Right you are, Sam. The vast majority of those nations weren’t even in World Cup qualifying when the Ians hung up their cleats and took a sabbatical from play. According to Grandpa’s Law, things only get worse over time. However, the Ians are frozen in their form from half a dozen World Cups ago.”

“But what about the Bonds Corollary to Grandpa’s Law: ‘although the fundamentals of a given sport degrade over time, players will find new and better ways to cheat, thus becoming ‘better’ than their predecessors’?”

“Well, you see...ah...you know, Sam, I think you’re actually starting to like the World Cup!”

“No, I just like proving you wrong in front of millions of people tuned into our show on their wireless right now.”

“We’ll be right back!”

http://i40.photobucket.com/albums/e228/Sonya0111/SylMedCen.png

Mystical Unicorns Drawn With Rejistania; Sarzonia
OUCH

Queen Sonya looked over the group draw that the Mystical Unicorns had received. Only one word escaped her lips - “SHIT!” And it looks as if that just might sum the whole damn thing up.

Let us take a closer look at the tragedy that is Group 7.

Rejistania. Ranked 8th. MD 4 & 11. We have seen what these guys do to their opponents - and it isn’t pretty by any means. The best we can hope for from these two matches is a good lesson in humility being learned.

Sarzonia Ranked 18th. MD 5 & 12. The Stars have been on a serious skid. Even they know how fast they are falling. But they haven’t fallen far enough yet for us to be ready to handle them like they were Vilita. (We had hoped for 6 more Vilita points this time). But we know that Sarzonia will not be easy to overcome and most probably will hand us two losses.

Kericia Ranked 47th. MD 6 & 13. Every WC we mark some squads to pass on the table. With the top two being who they are, that leaves just Kericia for us to put the bullseye on. And depending on which Kericia side shows up, we can steal these 6 points. They are very inconsistent in their play and that could work in our favor.

Dorian and Sonya Ranked 61st. That’s us! Yes the classic case of futility is here. We are the side that always strives to improve and rarely gets there. But this time we do have company. Kelse may be even better than we are at underachieving. Sorry guys but it is true.

Kelse Ranked 97th. MD 1 & 8. These guys never seem to fulfill their expectations. Reminds us a lot of ourselves. Should be a great two matches.

Tecpatl Ranked 152nd. MD 2 & 9. These newcomers seem to be intent on creating a name for themselves and could possibly be a dark horse to contend with. But The Unicorns should gain six from them anyway.

Aigosthena Ranked 181st. MD 3 & 10. Another newcomer who will do good to be competitive at all. They will try and we’ll beat them anyway.

Snub nose 38point1 Unranked. MD 7 & 14. We came into WC 27 unranked and made some noise before finally missing qualification. This squad could be the next unranked to actually contend. (Tinusivilia last time). We must take care of our own business to get these six points.

Predictions for Group 7
1 Sarzonia
2 Rejistania
3 Dorian and Sonya
4 Kericia
5 Kelsey
6 Snub nose 38point1
7. Tecpatl
8 Aigosthena

http://i14.photobucket.com/albums/a318/stormgiantxxxl/ASMVFNN.jpg

NMS and ASMV Top Group 11

This is Kellan Kildan reporting live from FNN Headquarters in Errion Vega

After the recent success in World Cup’s 27 and 28, fans all over the nation have been waiting to see just how the Sea Dragons would fare in the WC29 group draw. The results are now in and are being met with mixed feelings.

The Sea Dragons have taken great strides up the rankings in the past two World Cups and now enjoy the glory of a 23rd ranking and a second seed for Group 11. That also has a bad side to it. We are now the side everyone else will be looking to overtake. Not many will chance setting their sights on 7th ranked NMS. Except for us. Holding that second spot proved difficult last time around and will no doubt be the same again. Let us look at everyone else in the group.

#7 New Montreal States. Vegan fans got a very good look at this side as they won the 3rd edition of the Draggonnii Inviyatii. They have been on a tear up the rankings and will be looking for even better results this time. If we want to prove ourselves, this is as tough a test as we could hope to pass. Should be two great matches.

#23 ASMV. Gone are several big names from the roster and in are a solid group of newcomers. But the style is still the same. Beat them up on defense and strike quickly on offense once the opportunity presents itself. Can make a push for the top spot or struggle to hold second. Time will tell.

#46 Yafor 2. The Golden Wolves will be tough and ready to take our spot. We can only hope that they remain inconsistent in their play. That is what keeps them from being one of the elite sides around.

#72 Lisburn Mateys. This side is poised to jump up the rankings. They will be a real test for our new players but should struggle with a couple of the lower seeds.

#92 Geisenfried. Friends from a new alliance and very dangerous on the pitch. They beat Sarzonia in the DI and should be competitive here as well.

#171 The Footie Dream Team. We thought these guys were going to be really tough after WC27 but then they managed a no-show for WC28. That will hurt them as they try their luck this time.

#198 Ulyanovia. Hmmmm…… Nothing else to say.

#207 Ashterrus. Hmmmm…. See last comment.

Predictions.
1. NMS
2. ASMV
3. Yafor 2
4. Geisenfried
5. Lisburn Mateys
6. The Footie Dream team
7 & 8 Take your pick

Friends Watch

No Hypocria this time. We will miss the Hyppos

Cuation are the 3rd seed in Group 4. But they are only 4 ranking points from Haraki in 2nd. That will be a major battle for qualification. But they had both better watch Becquerelia.

Tadjikistan should own group 6.

Dorian and Sonya got screwed by having Rejistania and Sarzonia to contend with.

Milchama Are in the same position we are and should hold off Chicanada for qualification. They could even take the group from The Archregimancy. Isnt it funny that ASMV and Milchama have followed similar paths to this point and now look up the group at the hosts from WC28?

Ariddia a second seed? About damn time. It is nice to see the WC founders doing well again. Now they just have to hold off Wentland to keep their spot.

The following is an excerpt from the book My First World Cup by Y'nak Rivahed, a collections of letters and diary entries from World Cup 29 - Krytenia and Casari..

Dear Diary (why do I write that? It makes me feel like I'm in third grade),

My office wasn't the cleanest place, as I think I've clarified. Not that I had made it any cleaner. The Sarzonian, Barry Owens, he was the one who had dirtied it. The fool. He couldn't even keep his managing spot. All he had to do was beat Schiavonia in the final and he couldn't! The idiot. But that's the problem with being foreign, isn't it? Be Yaforite and you can rally your troops any day of the week.

Anyway, Barry had dirtied my office (his title is sub-manager, which is the long version of "private cleaner") and I couldn't find anything. Of course, it's not like I'd start cleaning, is it? I mean, even though Mom and Dad and all the servants aren't around...well, I had to. I tried to pay some foreigner (it's not like any self-respecting Yaforite would clean a room!) but the foreigner, someone from (I think) The Footie Dream Team, just took my money. I hope we bash them in our first game. But I'm getting ahead of myself, aren't I?

So, I had to do it on my own. And I got my hands dirty. Of course, I went and got a manicure right after that (money's nice, isn't it?), but there was dust on my regal hands. Anyway, I found something. A group draw listing, with our group outlined and highlighted and in-depth analysis on each team in our group! And this Barry Owens had forgotten to give it to me! Somehow the rest of the team knew and were training for it, but that must have just been coincidence.

Here's the analysis (a short form, of course). The first team is the seventh ranked team in the world, New Montreal States, or NMS. They look good, not that much more experienced than us, but tough. Then Andossa Se Mitrin Vega (or ASMV) who seem to be as bad luck-ed as us. Then us, Lisburn Mateys, some foreign (Irish or Scottish, I can't recall) pirates, Geisenfried, a up-and-coming-power, and some other guys. It doesn't matter. Only the top two do.

I'm havin fun, missing servants and family, as you can tell. It'll be worth it, though, if we can beat everyone and qualify at last. Barry's a fool, yes, but he's said we may have a shot, so we can win! If we do, Daddy will get his Ministry position, Mommy will get her cooking show, and I'll get acclaimed. And then, who knows? Maybe even "Elected Duke Y'nak Rivahed"!

Y'nak Rivahed

OOC:Obviously enough, all statements in the post are only IC and are not my OOC opinion. Y'nak is an idiot who got the position because of his family's prestige and money and Barry Owens does everything. So don't take him seriously.

Good evening, I’m Aimé Rogers, live in front of Darras Olympic Stadium, as you can see behind me. The countdown towards the start of World Cup 29 is speeding up, and Ariddia’s first match will be a home game, right here in just a few days against Artoonia. On paper, not the most difficult opponent they’ll have to face, but after a disastrous performance in the Draggonnii Cup a solid win will really do wonders for morale.

Ariddia are seeded second in group 14, and will be facing most teams for the first time. Jeruselem are the logical favourites to win the group, and the Rouge-et-Noirs will be looking for payback here. The two teams met in the recent Draggonnii, and Jeruselem inflicted a crushing 5-0 defeat on Ariddia, so our team will be hoping to make up for that. Perhaps the most dangerous opponent, however, will be Wentland, since Ariddia will have to prevent them from taking second place. Ariddia has played Wentland twice before, and has a rather unencouraging record of one draw and one loss, so again it’ll be an opportunity to set things straight. As for Elrich, Ariddia has played them three times already, and has a record of two victories and a draw, having conceded only one goal to them in three matches. All in all, it should be a very interesting group.

Elsewhere, Starblaydia, Audioslavia, Rejistania, New Montréal States, the Archregimancy and Bedistan are all top seeds in their groups, and expected to do well. Spaam, second seed in Group 9, will be hoping to do a lot better than last time. And ASMV are second seeds in Group 11. With ASMV being a second home to several Ariddian players, this is a side that should receive strong support here in Ariddia.

Just a word on Ariddia’s line-up to finish. The starting eleven are all still veterans, despite the fact that many of the team’s top players have now retired. Forty year-old Sandrine Leduc, in her green goalie’s suit, will be the team’s captain in what, no doubt, will be her final World Cup appearance. She’s the team’s first ever female captain, having been preceded by four men since World Cup 1. Leduc, Wald, Fields, Chantier, I, Kyaw, Sanjeeb, Eosh, Faraj, Ramirez and U are the starters, in an unchanged formation with three attackers. It’s now been confirmed that Kyaw is indeed in the early stages of pregnancy, and that she’ll be pulled out after just a few games. It’s not yet known who will replace her.

On the bench are some new faces since the last Cup. We may not be seeing much of substitute goalkeepers al Maharmeh and Granville, but players like Cyril Lange and Nam Hyok-Jun will probably be fielded from time to time. There’s also some fresh midfield talent with Uha Teh, Chloé al Safi and Tadjou Sheyi Senaya, so we’ll be waiting to see what they’re capable of.

One final statistic for you. The average age of Ariddian players is just over 29 years old. There are eight players aged thirty-four or above, and all of those eight are starters. The youngest player is Chloé al Safi, who’s 19, and the oldest of course is Leduc, who’s 40. The youngest of the starters is Kyaw; she’s 24, and the only one of the starting eleven to be younger than 30, except for Chantier who’s 25. But then, as I said, Kyaw won’t be playing for very long. We’ll just have to hope our Rouge-et-Noirs are still young at heart, and that they’ll be able to make the most of all those years of experience. . . and hold on to that qualifying spot they’re seeded in.

“Hello everyone, this is Sal Spikeman along with Anna Dalespin bringing to you Tynelian Soccer Weekly’s pre World Cup 29 show. Tynelia’s up for its third attempt to qualify for the World Cup and the team is ranked almost twenty spots higher than last time so I think we’re in good shape this time around Anna.”

“Yes we have Sal. This is the easiest draw we’ve had so far, the top seed Praying2god is actually ranked one point below the Tadjikstan club we narrowly lost to 1-0 in the Dragonnii Inviyatii last year so there has to be confidence that we will match up against them well. Even second ranked McPsychoville at #29 is one of the five lowest #2 seeds around. Again I believe Tynelia’s strong play against Wentland,Milchama and ASMV in the DI will give the team a major morale boost. Rordia only three spots ahead of us has been stuck around this ranking since we first entered the World Cup so they should be vulnerable as well. There doesn’t look to be a single one of the top teams that we shouldn’t get at least one draw out of.

“But like I’ve said before Sal, what Tynelia has yet to do what I’;ve said they must from day one. They must take advantage of the teams below them. Atheistic Right is the only team in this group we played before back in our own BoF where we finished in a 1-1 draw. Their play since that time has been a step behind our own progress but clearly not to be taken lightly. The next two teams Krajkovia and Bothen were both in the last BoF, Krajkovia finishing fourth but Tynelia should at worse get no fewer than 4 points against both these teams as well as the unranked Quackmybush. Though Geisenfried proved last time that looking past even an unranked team is not a smart move. Ideally I believe Tynelia needs to win at least 6 of these matches against the bottom four teams to have a realistic chance of moving on.”

“That’s a very good point Anna, Tynelia was looking great after the first half of the last Cup when the so-called easy portion of the schedule resulted in three goalless matches against teams we had gone 2-1-0 against the first time around which turned out to be the difference between moving on and staying at home again. The schedule looks pretty close to that again this time around though Anna. We face three of the four teams below us to start the Cup before we face the #1 seed Praying2god. An excellent chance to get off to another 2-1-0 like last time or even a 3-0-0 start and put some early pressure on the top teams.”

“And looking closer Sal, you see our final match of the first have comes against the #8 seed meaning we will have a stretch of 4 straight matches against teams ranked below us. A time of the schedule Tynelia MUST take full advantage of this Cup.”

“And another odd thing this time Anna, for the first time there will be no bye week to catch your breathe or change some strategy if things aren’t working out. This means less time to scout one opponent and get the edge of an extra day’s rest.”

“That means that conditioning will be a much bigger factor this time around. Expect to see Vladimar Malloy more in net to keep Amy Whiteworth fresh for the second half. I think the reserves will get additional time in the field as well since many of our starters like John Stossels and Jay Masterson who have been here from day 1 might need some more time to rest between and during matches as they get older. These are still the team leaders and have to be kept fresh for the middle and finishing portions where Tynelia has stumbled in the past.”

“Speaking of Jay Masterson everyone here would like to offer our congratulations to both him and TSW’s own Harmonie Masterson on the birth of their first child Jay Jr. last month. Harmonie will be at home on maternity leave for this cup and won’t be here to offer her unique insights into the sport.”

“Yes congratulations Harmonie, take your time coming back, no rush at all.”

“I’m sure she appreciates that Anna. Now while she is gone allow me to introduce Mike McPhee who will be heading a new part of the program called ‘Top Guns’, so Mike why don’t you tell us what this is all about.”

“Hey there Sal and Anna. I’d be happy to tell our viewers what ‘Top Guns’ is all about. With our own national team knocking on the door of joining the elite in this sport TSW thought this would be a good time to introduce our viewers to some of the truly elite in our sport. So each program ‘Top Guns’ will keep our viewers informed of all the action involving the top seeds in every group in the field, the ‘top guns’ of the group so to speak. Of course our own group’s top gun will be covered by Sal and Anna during their report but its time to see just who these perennial contenders are and how they’re doing this time around.”

“Sounds like a great addition to the show Mike, welcome aboard.”

“Thanks Sal.”

“Yes Mike I think its great to finally have an extra part of the show that actually has something to do with the sport for a change.”

“Um thanks Anna.”

“So Anna, prediction time, first how will we do against the Atheistic Right and second how do you think we will do overall. Will we break through the glass ceiling this time around?”

“The match against the Atheistic Right should end up in our favor Sal. They play a balanced style on the field but even back in the BoF they could only put up a single goal against our defense while it still had a few bugs in the works. I think now that our defense has improved to the point where we realistically say that we probably have one of the top 20 defenses in the world that they will have some trouble doing any better than this. I think we start of strong with a 2-0 win.”

“That’s a bit more scoring than you usually predict for Tynelia Anna why so confident this time?”

“Our play in the DI where we had probably the best offense I’ve seen from this team against teams ranked ahead of us on top of that lead me to believe that we will be able to score a bit more against the lower ranked teams and hopefully cut down dramatically on the number of times we are shut out.”

“Ok then Anna, then the big question. We will advance?”

“We came close last cup despite finishing in fourth and this time we’re more highly ranked than last cup with the teams ahead of us ranked about the same as the ones we faced last time. That right there should be good enough for a few extra points. The big question if it that will be enough. I believe we should finish ahead of Rordia, they haven’t shown the drive to improve their status internationally lately. However Praying2god and McPsychoville are certainly teams on the rise, Praying2god has been solidly in the top 20 for some time and McPsychoville followed their Cup of Harmony win back when they were ranked below us to a World Cup qualifying spot last time. Unless one of those teams has a Spaamlike collapse this time I think Tynelia will finish a close third but fall just short once again.”

“That’s too bad Anna, many people have said this is the year Tynelia moves on but you’re saying not quite?”

“I don’t think so, Tynelia will have to go 1-1-0 at least against one of them to have a chance of leapfrogging past them but while I see a win or a tie being possible I don’t think they will be able to go undefeated against either of those teams. Possibly Rordia might help us with an upset of the top two but that also puts more pressure on us to stay ahead of them. I do think that Tynelia could find themselves as one of the top seeds in the Cup of Harmony after this though and possibly used the MyPsychoville method of using a CoH win to springboard us into the WC30 cup proper. But I think we’re just short for now.”

“OK then Anna, even a third place will be our best finish ever in Cup play. Well that’s all for now, for Anna Dalespin this is Sal Spikeman wishing everyone a good night.”

What, we have to qualify this time? Dang it!

Group draw announced; Paladins take top slot in group

New Montreal States (7)
Andossa Se Mitrin Vega (23)
Yafor 2 (46)
Lisburn Mateys (72)
Geisenfried (92)
The Footie Dream Team (171)
Ulyanovia (198)
Ashterrus (207)

That's right. That really is us on top. It's been a ways since World Cup 24, when we made our revival. But then again WC24 was a good cup for newcomers. I mean, our current gracious hosts Casari, those Montrealais-lynching blighters over at Milchama, and our co-hosts and brethren The Archregimacy. Not to mention our incredibly...something...selves, and you'll notice that we're all hitting our strides in time for this Cup. We're just that cool.

But you probably just want predictions. Fine, take some. Ourselves and ASMV fighting it out at the top, with Yafor 2, Lisburn Mateys and Geisenfried making the second-place nation sweat buckets. Everyone else we know nothing about.

We're rolling in with a bit of momentum after winning the DI, although Geisenfried pulled off a draw against us in the group stages. We're looking forward to our rematches with them, as well as playing the Sea Dragons in the actual Cup for the first time ever. Lisburn Mateys has a lot of potential, but is probably still a cup or so away from qualifying. Expect them to pick up some upsets.

Finally, Ashterrius 2 - Ulyanovia 0. You heard it here first.

King John looks up from his throne and sees the Royal Architect and the Royal Engineer kneeling before him.

“Is it done?” the king demanded.

“Yes your Majesty it is.” The architect replied.

Looking to the engineering the king added, “And all my specifications are installed and working properly?”

“Yes Majesty they are.” The engineer answered.

“Excellent you may leave Us and send in one of my heralds.”

“Yes Majesty” they chorused as the rose and left

At last the Imperium Stadium has been completed in time for this ‘World Cup’ thing. Now all the world shall see the greatness Tessan has to offer. Imagine a huge stadium seating nearly 12,000 Tessans screaming for their team. The opponnents will surely be deafened by such an onslaught of noise. We could have added more seats but that would have cut down on the Royal section. Marble walls with artwork of great Tessan historical figures and events depecited stretching thirty yards to either side of the royal boxes, to keep the common riff raff away from their betters.Statues of our greatest kings at the four corners of the stadium and each section named after a king so even the common trash can say they sat with a king.

Special boxes for myself and the royal family of course, just below them special seats for the rest of my nobles who may glory in the fact they are sitting on the same side of the stadium as me. Then below them more mundane seats for visiting dignitaries who aren’t invited to sit near the nobles. With the royal box in the ‘midfield’ we shall be able to see everything on the field as it takes place while still safe from would be assassins.

Ah but the best part. Something that will surely shock these visitors, indoor plumbing! Yes while lesser nations still use outhouses or privy trenches like commoners, this stadium has the latest advances in indoor plumbing built within, even the locker rooms have their own setups. Truly these visitors will be stunned by our technological advancements. We’ve even added them to our most fashionable inns as well including the one set aside for our opponnents.Bathing chambers will also be designed with pipes to funnel in and out fresh and dirty water in the lockerrooms and hotels. Surely such luxurious trappings will weaken their spirit for the match.

“Majesty, I have something, a gift from one of our competitors.” A herald said clutching a holy icon in his hand.

“A gift? Ah finally a nation that knows the proper way to greet a monarch. Bring it to me.” The king commanded.

Looking at the icon the king asked. “Who brought this?”

“It was a monk of some sort, from a place called the ‘Archregimancy’ I believe sire.”

“Ah monks, a godly place this must be. Perhaps this 'Archregimancy' seeks knights to assist on a crusade against heathens? In any event let it not be said that Tessan is ignorant in the ways of diplomacy. Send a copy of the book ‘Kings of the Kingdom’ which details the reigns of our first king James the Liberator through my grandfather John II along with a donation of 200 tessas to their monestary, monks are always looking for new types of knowledge to discover. It will be good to deal with some civilized people this time around.”

“As you wish Majesty.”

“One more thing herald. Send word that all teams for these matches will be invited to the royal palace before their match against my knights that we may show our hospitality to these foreigners.”

“Sire?” the herald looked questioningly at his king wondering what happened to the real king John when he continued.

“Yes and send for Madame Lissome as well, with such a large crowd we will need extra serving wenches to keep out guests entertained. Mention that her girls will be receiving bonuses based on how poorly our guests play the next day. Oh and send for jugglers, acrobats, minstrels, dancers and what not as well. We must ensure our guests leave that night well pleased with our fine nation as we prepare to triumph and win this first ‘World Cup’ thing..”

“I understand Majesty, it will be as you command.”

“Of course it will be. Is there some reason you believe it would not be as I command?”

“No sire.” The herald replied bowing and taking his leave wondering if someone should mention how the competition here will be much sterner than what the team faced last time but decided perhaps it was best fro the king to learn that for himself.

Giovanni Lopez awoke. Shit, he thought to himself, not noticing that he said it out loud too. It had been an odd dream. Sam Bacon, Marco Pallio, Jamie Smith and other World Cup Committee representatives had all been in it. He seemed to remember slapping Pallio, though he couldn't remember why.

He looked around, taking in his surroundings. He was evidently on a stage of some sort, sitting in a chair in a position of honour, it would seem. A podium stood empty, and there were hundreds of empty seats in facing him. Only a few lights were on, the dim auditorium in complete silence.

Sex Gods, Sexy Games.

What did that mean? It came unbidden to his mind. Then, weirdly, a vision of a twelve year-old boy grinning at him. Now that was disturbing. Suddenly it all came rushing back to him...

...Bettia!

...Legalese!

...Harlesburg!

...Virginia Nova!

...AwalKB!

...Spindomia!

...Sexy Games!

In full surround sound, including a cool little echo effect and some applause. He remembered it now. Starblaydia were in Group Three, the Defending Champions were facing friends, familiar faces and freaks. Oh, fantastic. The President of the World Cup Committee resolved to drink less alcohol, take less drugs and go to bed earlier.

Well, one out of three ain't bad.

'Good evening Tadjiks, I am Georgi Shpagin, your host for today. No, no Simon Orlitsa, he is sick and could not be here. Dont worry, its bussiness as usual, today with an important guest: Alexander Zaev, our national Coach. Hello Mr Zaev, welcome to the studio'

'Oh eh, Hello'

'Thankyou for coming, especially with me as host.'

'Oh yes, I remember that you critisized the team right before I became head coach. And then there were those other nice things you said during the last World Cup. I usually ignore that stuff, you know.'

'Thats nice... most Coaches would refuse to meet me here.On the other hand, there is little to critisize today, as the WC group draw seems to favor us.'

'Indeed it does favor us, we are the first seed, with 18 KBP places between us and number two, Nedalia. Thats our main rival, whom we encounter on matchdays 2 ad 9. We can find out how strong we are during those days. Essential as a preparation to the actual World Cup.

'So there's no doubt that the Tigers will reach the World Cup?'

'I think if I dared to say that this is a difficult group, that I'd get fired for being a Pessimist and banned from stadiums as a defaitist by the government. Nedalia is probably the only rival and they will struggle against The Kazoo Peoples, ranked 41 and thus dangerously close to Nedalia.'

'Any other teams that are worth mentioning?'

'Well, it'll be a bit dissapointing for them but... no, Kirstiriera might try to put a figurative 'stick in our wheel' but all the other sides are outsiders for qualification and while I do not mean to imply that they'll be easy prey, they can take some points from us, these should be easy pouints for the Tadjik Tigers. Even Iansisle, which, according to some, was once a strong side. I checked ours and their record and found that they actually did quite good many years ago, a third place in World Cup 18, a 1-1 draw against our own Tigers in the group stage of World Cup 19. Their last match was Vilita - Iansisle, World Cup 20 1/16th finals, it ended in a 3-1 victory for the Vilitans.'

'So they were once a strong side, should we be afraid of them?'

'I dont think so, this now unranked side has been away from international football for nearly 40 years, the whole generation of players that did so well back then has long retired from football and the new generation is usually unexperienced. Maybe if they have a veteran as advisor, they might surprise the world, but not against our 'battlehardened veterans'.

'Would you dare to preict the outcome of this group?'

'Well, Tadjikistan in first position with Nedalia or The Kazoo peoples in second position, the other in Third. After the top three we get Kirstiriera as number four. I'll give Iansisle the benefit of the doubt and place them fifth, but thats only because they are veterans themselves. Then we get Molvania, a good side but not ready for the World Cup yet. I've never heard of Ozzelia or Dicuban before, but I dont think they'll get away from the last place.'

'On an unrelated note, we would now like to look into a strange trend that we see in the World Cup scene: the Russian/Central Asian-styled nations: First and foremost we have Krajkovia, led by our very own Daniel Gurchev, former goalkeeper of the national team. And then we get Mrkvejnia, winners of the Baptism of Fire tournament and the unknown Ulyanovia, NSSR, Sarvoski, Mahaliastan, Sovietry! Though I should mention that they might not all be Eastern European or Russian influenced. Zychibastan for instance carries a Central Asian name but has a clearly Western society, just look at the names of the players.'
'Its clear now that the Berlin wall has fallen.'

'Is it a trend? the wall came down years ago! I was almost wondering as to why they never participate in this tournament. Though most of them are rather small nations without any real influence, so where are the big Eastern nations? But I'd like to wish each of these and Krajkovia in particular, good luck in their qualifications. I dont expect to see any of them actually qualify, but they can stunt and possibly even keep a strong side from reaching the World Cup.'

'Well, yes, I do hope they can surprise the world with some good football. Just as I hope that the Tigers will crush their opponents with ridiculously high amounts of goals. Well, ok, a simple qualification will do.'
Thankyou Mr Zaev for coming and good luck to you and your players, may the best Tadjiks win.'

'It was a pleasure being here, Georgi. And who knows, maybe we'll have another interview in fourteen Matchdays, discussing our opponents in the World Cup group stage.'

'I thank you, the viewer(reader) and leave you with a fixture list for the Tigers, dont worry if you miss it, It will return every matchday';

MD1: Tadjikistan - Iansisle
MD2: Tadjikistan - Nedalia
MD3: The Kazoo Peoples - Tadjikistan
MD4: Tadjikistan - Kirstiriera
MD5: Molvania - Tadjikistan
MD6: Ozzelia - Tadjikistan
MD7: Dicuban - Tadjikistan
MD8: Iansisle - Tadjikistan
MD9: Nedalia - Tadjikistan
MD10: Tadjikistan - The Kazoo Peoples
MD11: Kirstiriera - Tadjikistan
MD12: Tadjikistan - Molvania
MD13: Tadjikistan - Ozzelia
MD14: Tadjikistan - Dicuban

Peter MacDonnell: "Welcome everyone on TéléOli for this special presentation about the World Cup of Soccer, Version 29. I'm with Jean Ducasse. Hi Jean."

Jean Ducasse: "Hi Peter."

PM: "So, we're here to present Oliverry's group in the World Cup qualifying and, I must say, even if we're the best ranked teams, I'm not ever sure we'll qualify..."

JD: "Why's that?"

PM: "What about... our group suck!!!?"

JD: "I Agree... but what is that group first?"

PM: "Do you need our group second as well?"

JD: *Looks around eeringly*

PM: "Sorry for this bad pun... let's now check Oliverry's group for World Cup 29 Qualifying:

Group 10
Oliverry (15)
Commerce Heights (21)
The Lowland Clans (43)
Collonie (58)
Mrkvejnia (116)
Danskmark (164)
Good Happiness (198)
Adam Island (NR)

JD: "So, that's our group you say? I'm going to fill a complaint to the WCC for illegal draw. That must be illegal to put a bunch of Collonian, a bunch of baseball players, a bunch of Scottish, a bunch of French and a bunch of Totally Inflated Yen users in the same group..."

PM: "I agree... We'll be right back... after we finish to fill the complaint..."

*25 minutes later*

JD: "I hope they didn't pass that publicity where someone shows his err... well, you know..."

PM: "We're now on Jean..."

JD: "I know! Remember when I told you I wanted to do a special entry after coming back..."

PM: "Oh! I see now..."

JD: "You're good!"

PM: "Anyway, time to analyse that group... Let's start with Commerce Heights, shall we?"

JD: "Yes... They will surely use TIY to bribe the referees and offer a share of the nation to the referee if they win. They will surely also overuse sarcasm after our players to deconcentrate them..."

PM: "Exactly, but Commerce Heights won the World Cup once, so they shouldn't be bad. It could be a nice game against them for sure. What about The Lowland Clans?"

JD: "Scottish uh? They will surely wear a dress with some random pattern and play golf instead of playing soccer then..."

PM: "Tee Elll Ceeee is a good nation... WAS a good nation... Now, they're 43rd... They should be a pain in the ass to beat, but it will be possible. What do you have to say about Collonie?"

*Someone enters in the room*

Jonathan Fairbanks: "Do not ever talk about them!!!"

PM: "Welcome in our studios Mr. Manager! Why should we not talk about..."

JF: "I just hate them... I managed them once, but they kind of pooped in my hands..."

PM: "Aren't they speaking French a bit?"

JF: "Not at all... They grumble it."

JD: "So, they're a bunch of French Grumbling assholes to resume..."

JF: "Exactly."

PM: "Thank you! We now just talked about Collonie."

JD: "Oh! Powwwwwwwwwneeeeeeeeeed!!!

*points at Fairbanks, which quits in frustration*

PM: "Ok... Now, what about Mrkvejnia?"

JD: "What about We don't know them?"

PM: "Ok... Dansmark then..."

JD: "Same answer..."

PM: "Good Happiness then..."

JD: "We wish them Good Happiness in their defeat"

PM: "To close, Adam Island."

JD: "We only know them from Baseball and NS Bowl, so they will surely wonder why the ball is big, inflated and not oval... They will surely have a quarterback that plays like a pitcher and a Running back that plays like a right fielder."

PM: "To finish with this, here is my ranking prevision..."

Group 10
1. Oliverry (15)
2. Commerce Heights (21)
3. Collonie (58)
4. The Lowland Clans (43)
5. Danskmark (164)
6. Mrkvejnia (116)
7. Adam Island (NR)
8. Good Happiness (198)

PM: "Do you have any ranking Jean?"

JD: "Check this... Oliverry's gonna pooowwwwwwnnnn everyone! So, they're first. All others are n00b..."

PM: "That's about all the time we had... Thank you everyone for tuning in to this special show on TéléOli and see you later!"

The Schiavone Scribe
BoF winners bid to defend title

Yes, you read it here first, Schiavonia will bid to defend their title, probably in Schiavonia and Spaam again, while World Cup 29 is taking place, thus proving themselves as the most successful failures of the current era.

Why do we say this? Because it's what everyting points to. Our performance in previous cups, the group we've been drawn into, even the manager's view. But then the manager wasn't too confident at World Cups 26 and 27, and we did OK then.

The truth seems to be that when you expect to much, you don't get what you bargained for, and as a collective nation, Schiavonia is not expecting as it did before World Cup 28. Especially now that the draw has been made and we've seen who we are up against.

Which is this bunch.

Fmjphoenix (World ranking: 9)
A side who never quite do it at the finals, but are regular qualifiers, usually at walking pace. A notoriously attacking team, probably more notorious than us but less notorious than Bettia. That's if you have a kind of scale in your head of attacking notoriority. If you don't, we'll draw you one. Just write in to ATTACKING SCALE OF NOTORIORITY OFFER, c/o The Schiavone Scribe, 7 Gazelle Way, Kingsbury.

Schiavonia (World ranking: 24)
Not making it to the World Cup finals hasn't seemed to harm our place as regards to how good we are compared to the rest of the world, which means that either the Schiavone Cup of Harmony was great or that World Cup 28 was rubbish. I'd like to think the former. So would the SFF. Indeed, if you want the SFF to hold an event for you, just write in to THE SCHIAVONE FOOTBALL FEDERATION, 3 Heartell Grove, Kingsbury.

Vuam and Isma (World ranking: 52)
The first of two up and coming sides in the group who will be looking to beat the Sloths to the second qualifying spot. They made a good impression in Spaam at the Cup of Harmony, before being narrowly edged out by eventual finalists Yafor 2. A major threat, not to be taken lightly.

Mr Chuck Norris (World ranking: 55)
Another side who could very well make the finals with the Vikings are the Fighting Norris, who came to Schiavonia for the Cup of Harmony, only to lose to Dorian and Sonya in the last sixteen. Like V&I, will be looking to topple the eventual winners of that cup, and it is well within both teams' abilities to do so.

Northern Caesarea (World ranking: 102)
It seems to be a Cup of Harmony reunion! The fourth team in the group from in went to Spaam, but were well beaten by The Macabees, Giant Zucchini and the Fighting Norris. Truth be told, it will probably go the same way this time.

Risa-Aramour (World ranking: 128)
Their only ranking points come from World Cup 27, where they didn't exactly make the world poop their collective pants during qualifying. Four years off, and now their back, possibly even more out of shape than they were last time. Big things are not expected.

Warrior Treblah (World ranking: 187)
One of a large number of Baptism of Fire flops this time around. Let's be honest, if you can't cut the mustard there, then where can you cut it? If they don't finish dead last, it will be a shock.

Zychibastan (World ranking: Unranked)
The new boys in town, although it is actually though to be New-Lexington from the last couple of World Cups, only in a different set of kits and with different names and what have you. They didn't scare us then, and they scare us even less now.

So the Schiavone Scribe's prediction. We went around all the staff at the sports desk, and here's what they came up with.

1st Fmjphoenix
2nd Vuam and Isma
3rd Mr Chuck Norris
4th Schiavonia
5th Northern Caesarea
6th Zychibastan
7th Risa-Aramour
8th Warrior Treblah

Schiavone team manager Rodney Lowe sees things panning out the same way. After seeing the draw, he agreed that this grou was nowhere near as easy as out World Cup 28 group, and as we completely failed in that one from a similar ranking, then the outcome will probably be the same here.

"I mean, look at the teams there. V&I and MCN have been here for a few cups now, and will be looking to kick on to the next level. We know that there will be at least one team in WC29 that wasn't in 28, and it will be a very tough jo making sure that it is us, no matter what the rankings might threaten to tell us otherwise."

So tough times appear to be ahead, then.

Elsewhere, Schiavonia have invited the Islands of Qutar over to Schiavonia for a friendly before Matchday One as a traditional warm-up game between two teams who have always been closely matched.

Jeruselem Government News

14 is better than 13

World Cup 30 minus one! Jeruselem is ranked 10th seed but if we don't perform this will drop badly. Our group looks really familiar, really familar (not)!

Ariddia, always there and always entertaining. Fun loving folks who can play football. 2nd best seed in Group 14 and our main threat! Their press is fun to keep an eye on as you don't know what they are going to say.

Wentland, shocked a few in the last world cup with their perfomance. The dark horse of the group who can beat anyone on the day! Must watch Wentland as they are up and rising here, so they must be respected.

Elrich, no idea. We might have played them but honestly no idea really. 62th is a good rank but it's not top 50 and we don't know what that are capable of.

Khenas, err, no idea. They do have a managable name though, which won't trip up our reporters.

Mahaliastan, I think we've seen them play before but at their current rank - not much of a threat. We should find out their team name as the nation name is really hard to spell.

Artoonia - I think we've played them but being 182th is not the kind of rank to inspire fear. Hopefully they can win a few games somewhere.

Sliponia - slipped so badly they are not ranked. Don't know what to expect of them.

Our chances? We see Ariddia and Wentland as the big threats. The others can win and beat anyone but small teams have trouble sustaining winning runs. In the end, there's no Starblaydia or Liverpool England to hassle us, so failure is not an option. We should progress or it's waste of time being here.

Group 14
Jeruselem (10)
Ariddia (27)
Wentland (40)
Elrich (62)
Khenas (124)
Mahaliastan (152)
Artoonia (182)
Sliponia (NR)

Our friends are playing here too!

4th seed Hockey Canada face old rivals Spaam and Giant Zucchini as some other teams. Looking at this group, Hockey Canada should progress because their rivals are not known teams who make the finals regularly or beat up top seeds as a habit.

Group 9
Hockey Canada (4)
Spaam (34)
Giant Zucchini (45)
Anastasiania (65)
Raging Penguins (94)
United Island Empires (155)
The NSSR (184)
Matterbuggy (NR)

Tigers lead the Lions in Group 6. Watch out for The Kazoo Peoples and Kirstiriera but honestly - the two big cats to ROAR and tear their competition apart. GO LIONS! Hey look, our buddies Iansisle are here too - not ranked. Can Iansisle make an impact?

Group 6
Tadjikistan (13)
Nedalia (31)
The Kazoo Peoples (41)
Kirstiriera (64)
Molvania (79)
Ozzelia (166)
Dicuban (187)
Iansisle (NR)

Meanwhile in the Palace of Glittering Delights (aka FAB HQ, in central Gabalfa), the board members of the Football Association of Bettia are sat in their plush, newly-refurbished boardroom, busy finalising the venues for the Aroras' latest assault on the World Cup.

Islwyn Forbes, the erstwhile (and slightly rotund) chairman of the FAB stands and addresses his colleagues.

"Right gentlemen. Gentlemen? Please, gents, pipe down will you?"

"But sir - I'm a lady."

"Ah yes Glenis, so you are. Gentlemen, and lady, may we get down to business? We need to sort out the venues for our qualifiers. I was thinking we should use less venues this time, and just stick to the bigger, noisier grounds. You know, like the Al-Fath and the Stamping Ground..."

The rest of the board nod in agreement. "Yep, sounds good so far." one of them is heard to mutter.

"...and we use Stadiwm Bettia for the first and last games, and for the big local-ish derbies against Legalese and Starblaydia."

Mr Forbes proceeds to hand out a draft fixture list to the other board members, who all look at it briefly and quickly give their approval.

"Are we all in agrrement then? Good, then I'll get this faxed over the the World Cup commitee."

But one member isn't totally on board here.

"Excuse me sir?"

"Oh, Glenis. Are you still here?"

"Erm, yes. I've got an idea for the Starblaydia game. I think we should switch venue."

"Switch venue? What on earth do you mean? Stadiwm Bettia is the biggest and finest stadium in the Blessed Realm, and I can't think of a more fitting venue for our game against the reigning world and AO champs. Why should we move the game?"

"Well, this is just a thought, right. Remember when Starblaydia played that AOCAF game in Butetown?"

"Erm, yes."

"Remember how the area around the stadium were reporting massive shortages of matchday food 'cos all those Starblaydi dwarves ate all the pies?"

"They ate all the pies?"

"Yes, they ate all the pies, those fat bastards."

"Ah yes, that's right, those fat bastards, they ate all the pies."

"Well, I was thinking... why don't we try and use that to our advantage?"

"How?"

"Well, we make sure that the lovely people at Butetown FC order shedloads of pies, and make sure that the Starblaydi players have more than enough of them for every meal. With any luck they'll all be totally fattened up, and their fans will all be too full to sing their hearts out for the lads (and lasses), and they'll all spend most of the game sleeping off their very heavy lunch."

Forbes looks at her with a slightly bemused look on his face. "Well, it's obvious you know absolutely nothing about football - that idea is one of the most stupid things I have ever heard. And you know what? That idea is actually so stupid, it might just work!"

Forbes frantically buzzes his desktop buzzy thing and yells at his secretary.

"Get every pie factory in the city working double shifts! I want Alice Street to be flooded with meat pies by Matchday Nine!"




Fixtures

MD01: BETTIA vs. Spindomia (Stadiwm Bettia, Gabalfa)
MD02: Starblaydia vs. BETTIA
MD03: BETTIA vs. Sexy Games (Al-Fath Stadium, Sukatra)
MD04: BETTIA vs. Legalese (Stadiwm Bettia, Gabalfa)
MD05: Harlesburg vs. BETTIA
MD06: Virginia Nova vs. BETTIA
MD07: AwalKB vs. BETTIA
MD08: Spindomia vs. BETTIA
MD09: BETTIA vs. Starblaydia (Alice Street, Butetown)
MD10: Sexy Games vs. BETTIA
MD11: Legalese vs. BETTIA
MD12: BETTIA vs. Harlesburg (Stamping Ground, Lorshill)
MD13: BETTIA vs. Virginia Nova (Al-Fath Stadium, Sukatra)
MD14: BETTIA vs. AwalKB (Stadiwm Bettia, Gabalfa)

Channel 96 Sports News

[Nevvir] Hello, I'm Miranda Nevvir, and this is Channel 96, Sports News 24/7. Bostopia's manager, Kevin Ferring, is about to announce his squad for tomorrow's opening game away in Liverpool England. We cross over now live to the Bostopian team's hotel, near Orean, Liverpool England for the press conference.

Ferring is now visable, sat behind a desk, which is infront of a large screen, displaying the Bostopian national team’s logo.

[Kevin Ferring] Ok, folks, thanks for coming. For members of the foreign press who don't know, I'm Kevin Ferring, manager of the Bostopian National side. I took the team to victory in the UFR Cup of Nations two years ago, and I hope to give Bostopia a respectable position this time around. But of course, you're here for the squad for tomorrow's game, and after that, I'll take some questions.

Bostopia will of course be playing in our home kit, a blue shirt, with white sides. This kit also features red shorts and red socks.

Kevin presses a button on the table, which replaces the logo on the screen with the graphic below.

http://img86.imageshack.us/img86/4420/bostopiavliverpoolengland5lg.jpg (http://imageshack.us)

As you can see, we’re playing a 4-4-2, with Rob and Dave pushing down the flanks. Steven Serring will also be going forward in more of a free role, and John Willis will play a holding role. Ok, any questions? Yes, Greg!

[Griffis] Coach Ferring, don’t you think it’s a bit dangerous to tell the other team what four of your guys are doing?

[Ferring] Well Greg, first, it’s manager. And secondly, what else are right wingers who are known for their attacking ability going to do? We all know of Steven’s ability to attack, and anyway, we know what their goalkeepers doing and what their strikers will be doing. Think of it as a game of swapsies. Anyone else? Yes, Roxana?

[Santiago] You’re starting 17 year old Jamie Trent upfront, isn’t that a bit of a risk, playing someone with such little international experience, and the fact he’s only played a season in the Bostopian National League?

[Ferring] Good question, Roxana. Well, sure he’s young, but he’s outrageously fast, and has a great eye for goal. We saw that in his first goal for Rolida FC in the 04/05 season, that 40 yard run down the pitch before blasting it into the top left corner. A lot of players start young, score a great goal and everyone then expects so much of them for the next 20 odd years of his career of so, you know? What I had to do was wait and watch his performances over the season, and he was consistently good, he was top scorer this 05/06 season, taking Rolida FC to their first ever domestic title, against major odds. I don’t think it came as much of a surprise to the nation to see him feature in the friendlies against Deweyland and Rental Save. I think the bigger surprise was those seven goals, the four against Deweyland in the 5 – 3 win, and then his hattrick against Rental Save in our 3 – 1 win. Those hopefully opened the eyes of the region to his ability, and we all hope he does the same this time round in qualifying. So, in answer to your question, no, I don’t think it’s a risk at all. Next question? Ah, Barry, go ahead!

[Carron] Thanks Kevin, the press in Bazalonia has, while ruling us as rank outsiders, which would be seen as fair enough, has also said that we’re “not even really worth commenting on”, what do you take of this attitude?

[Ferring] The bigger teams are going to be confident, no doubt about it. We’re not saying we’re going to qualify, sure, we’d love to, but we’re never going to say we are this time around. Give it maybe three maybe four World Cups for us to come up to full international standard, and we’ll maybe pull through, but right now it’s not our time, I don’t want to get hopes up because there’ll be more heartbreak for everyone. But, the attitude that the foreign press is taking would be a very dangerous attitude for the teams to take. You cannot start being cocky and start thinking too little of your opposition, because when you start doing that, you start not chasing balls and passes thinking “well, the Bostopians sure aren’t going to get there first” and next thing you know you’re becoming complacent and humiliated. Fortunately, we’re not in the position to think little of our opposition, so we’ll have to play at 110% every game.

[Carron] Are you saying there’s not a part of you that thinks we can go through?

[Ferring] Haha, well Barry, my heart’s saying we’ll win the World Cup, but my head’s disagreeing with me.

[Carron] Well, the great news is that we’ll have the support of some of our opposition fans, a lot of people love to see the underdogs win. 30 Qazian’s voted for us to win the cup.

[Ferring] Really? That’s cool, especially seeing as it can’t be our embassy staff, we don’t have one there…goodness knows how they’ve even heard of us. Although Bostopia IS a cool name. Anyway, that’s all the questions I can take, hope to see you in the stadium tomorrow, and for those who can’t make it, have fun watching on TV.

The cameras switch back to Fort Boston’s Channel 96 Sport News studio.

[Nevvir] Of course, that match, and every one of Bostopia’s matches will be on Channel 95. Onto our next story, Bostopia’s Olympic squad prepares for the Summer Olympics. Brad Garpon has more on that story, Brad?

Dear diary,

How quickly 4 years pass. It only seemed like last month when we were deeply involved in World Cup Qualifying...and here we are again. Well, the stakes are higher now...It's do or die...and I hope I don't die. Hopefully I've learnt my lessons, and hopefully the players too. The pressure is on...the last qualifying was disappointing, and qualifying for the finals has to be the target now...

...Stress!!!...

D

GRAHAM CITY SUN - Sports Section

Stars Given Tough Group As Quest For Qualification Continues

LONDON, ENGLAND - At the headquarters of the FFLC, Federation head Tom Hall, manager Oliver Doig and Head of Football Ops Daniel Davies all waited anxiously for the group draw to come out. "It was tough waiting," admitted Davies. "Many times we've been handed draws that practically screamed qualification at us. I think this time we got a very tough group and it will take a lot of work, skill, will, and luck to get out of the group." Manager Oliver Doig refused to answer questions, as per usual. Many media are presonally hostile towards Doig, who is often at odds over the media over things such as player access and interviews. "I think you're mostly scum," he said once to a London Times reporter who asked him why he had such a hard time with the media.

Captain Quentin Mackallen, who has said this will already be his last World Cup, said that this group should highlight the differences in between Stjepan's squad and Doig. "Doig is a much different coach then Stjepan. This group and it's toughness should really highlight our improved playing ability, and hopefully give us an open avenue to qualifying." The selection that Davies and Doig have made have been subject to incredible scrutiny and focus. "It's been a little bit frustrating," said new selection Djukasheni about the media coverage.

ANALYSIS: The Lowland Clans Stars
Strikers: Once again, we'll see Ryley Bloudin poot his incedible footwork and power shootig to good use, scoring the Stars quite a few goals. Kavanagh will return once again, while the new edition of Christopher Landry will add a new wrinkle to the offence. Landry's patient play and unquestionable work ethic over shadow his skill, but he will be allowed to work his magic with to very skilled players, meaning that this offence will be just as dangerous as always.

Midfield and Wingers: Once again, the concept of a 'ball hub' in the midfield is prevalent with the selections of Mackallen and Kingston as the Starters. But Djukashenki allows for some experimentation into a more mobile and attacking or defding midfield. Such a role with the aging Mackallen will be difficult to imagine such a concept playing a big role in qualifying. On the wings, the concept of speed permeates these positions. Doig has tailored the midfield to allow the center midfielders to play up to the wings, who will harass and then cross it in as the offence advances up.

Defence: This is perhaps the biggest unknown. Relying on many international rookies with littke known factors, the defence could be the best we've ever seen or the worst. It will be revealed quickly into qualification as the Stars take on Oliverry on the third matchday. In practice though, this defence looked fairly good, if a bit tentative and nervous. A key skill that the defence will need to develop is a sense of confidence and ability to attack the ball and no the man.

ANALYSIS: Group 10

Group 10
Oliverry (15) - A great squad, playing at the top of their game. After a tough group in the last World Cup, they look to avenge. With their Takilan Milchaman coach though, look for potential upsets.
Commerce Heights (21) - Kinda like the Stars, once great, now just good. While not completely off the deepend yet, their going there. Watch for hungry squads like Mrkvejnia, Collonie and the Stars to be nipping at their heels
The Lowland Clans (43) - The Stars are coming off a coaching change and a squad reformat, with fire after coming within just one match of qualifying last year, nearly eliminating this years host Krytenia. Look for the Stars to finally qualify this time around
Collonie (58) - These guys are the colony of the Milchamans, who hate us thoroughly, for reasons beyond us. While they have been getting better, look for them to stumble against the tough competition from Mrkvejnia.
Mrkvejnia (116) - After finishing 2nd in the Baptism of Fire, look for the talented and up and coming Mrkvejnian squad to play spoiler for the three teams competing for the second spot
Danskmark (164) - A new team who won't do so well
Good Happiness (198) - See above
Adam Island (NR) - Hey, these guys sound vaguely familiar...

Final Placement Predicitons:
Oliverry
The Lowland Clans
Commerce Heights
Mrkvejnia
Collonie
Adam Island
Good Happiness
Danskmark

MD1- The Lowland Clans v. Danskmark
MD2- Good Happiness v. The Lolwand Clans
MD3- The Lowland Clans v. Oliverry
MD4- Commerce Heights v. The Lolwand Clans
MD5- The Lowland Clans v. Adam Island
MD6- Collonie v. The Lowland Clans
MD7- Mrkvejnia v. The Lowland Clans
MD8- Danskmark v. The Lowland Clans
MD9- The Lowland Clans v. Good Happiness
MD10- Oliverry v. The Lowland Clans
MD11- The Lowland Clans v. Commerce Heights
MD12- Adam Island v. The Lowland Clans
MD13- The Lowland Clans v. Collonie
MD14- The Lowland Clans v. Mrkvejnia

GTF Claw Clan Press release

Folks It's time. Time for our national Soccer team, the claw clan, to make it's International debut. Let see a our schedule


MD1 Spruitland @ GTF (King Garfield Stadium)
MD2 GTF @ The Maccabees
MD3 GTF @ Swilatia
MD4 One Red Dot @ GTF(King Garfield Stadium)
MD5 GTF @ Dingzanwa
MD6 Carlitistia @ GTF(King Garfield Stadium)
MD7 TNUI @ GTF(The Pasta Dome)
MD8 GTF @ Spruitland
MD9 The Maccabees @ GTF(The Pasta Dome)
MD10 Swilatia @ GTF(King Garfield Stadium)
MD11 GTF @ One Red Dot
MD12 Dingzanwa @ GTF (King Garfield Stadium)
MD13 GTF @ Carlitistia
MD14 GTF @ TNUI


Welll there is the schedule.As you can tell we start off with four though games as We host the Spruit's,Travel to the Maccabees,and Swilati,Then Host One Red Dot.Next for the Claw Clan is Dingzanwa and unranked Carlitistia,then we get high ranked TNUI at home. The next seven games are the same except the Host are the other team.Let's hope for a good seasons

Odie the Confused
Minister of sport

You're Watching World Cup Tonight,
Only on http://ns.goobergunch.net/wiki/images/SBC_logo.GIFSport
World cup 29 is upon us. Also, this time we will go over all the groups, but we will start with ours, as it is more important to us. Really just our group. foolled you!

So...
Group 5, thats our group
http://www.nationstates.net/images/flags/uploads/total_n_utter_insanity.jpg
Total n Utter Insanity
First seed in the group. one position short of being a top ten nation. At least this time the first seed is not in the top ten, which makes qualification a little easier this time.

http://www.nationstates.net/images/flags/uploads/spruitland.jpg
Spruitland
Second seed. only a few places below the first seed, but at least this is not a group of death. If it was we would definately be five-time losers. And that wouldent look too good for us. no, not at all. So lets just hope they dont cause too much trouble for us.

http://www.nationstates.net/images/flags/uploads/the_macabees.jpg
The Macabees
Okay. this team is slightly better than ours, a likely draw both times. but if we can win, thats good because then we can actually qualify, and finally show the world who we are, and all that jazz. But thats not too likely. but its worth a shot.

http://www.nationstates.net/images/flags/uploads/swilatia.jpg
Swilatia
Familliar with this team? Well, you should be. Its us! Anyway we have failed to qualify for five, er four times now. But we hope to qualify this time and show the world that we are NOT pussies. of course, we can also end up suffering the embarrasment that is called being five time losers. but we are in an easy group this time. We can win it. We can defeat the otha guys. We can finally qualify.

http://www.nationstates.net/images/flags/japan.jpg
One Red Dot
Okay, so we are better than these guys, so we can win to them. They are not that bad, but the fact that they are the only non-rookie nations below us, which is quite good for us, as it increases our chance of qualifying.

http://www.nationstates.net/images/flags/uploads/dingzanwa.jpg
Dingzanwa
We don't know these guys. what we DO know is that we will beat them. Twice. by alot. we will beast them. GO SWILATIA

http://www.nationstates.net/images/flags/algeria.jpg
GarfieldTheFat
Same as above. at least they don't get the dreaded Mr. Anonymous award.

http://www.nationstates.net/images/flags/italy.jpg
Carlitistia
Instead these guys get it. and how do you pronounce their name?

a full-page spread in the Bedistan Sports Digest:

COME OUT AND SUPPORT YOUR

BEDISTAN LIONS! (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=11198648&postcount=74)

Three-Time World Champions and Ranked Best in the World!

There's a World Cup 29 Qualifying Match Somewhere Near YOU!
http://bellsouthpwp.net/h/a/harleyt_1387/wc29qualmap.png

GO LIONS!

Elven Times
Venues Announced

With the matchdays and oppenents now official, the ESC has finished debating the venues for the home matches. Normally all national team matches are held at the Hatire Memorial Stadium on the island of Capri, but due to how large and important this competition is, the commitee has ruled that multiple stadiums are to be used. Here is the schedule and venues.

Matchday 2: Marauders V Spammanian Plijous
@ Longview
Stadium: Angelotic Temple
Capacity: 67,000

Matchday 4: Marauders V System Karela
@ Raynor City
Stadium: The Battleground
Capacity: 48,000

Matchday 6: Marauders V Intyny
@ Capri
Stadium: Hatire Memorial
Capacity: 55,000

Matchday 7: Marauders V Becquerelia
@ Raynor City
Stadium: The Battleground
Capacity: 48,000

Matchday 8: Marauders V Audioslavia
@ Gladerial
Stadium: The White Fortress
Capacity: 62,000

Matchday 10: Marauders V Haraki
@ Mar Sara
Stadium: Donna Cathedral
Capacity: 43,000

Matchday 12: Marauders V Cuation
@ Longview
Stadium: Angelotic Temple
Capacity: 67,000

The ESC encourages everyone to obtain your tickets as fast as possible because there will not be any avaible at the stadium on the matchday. We hope to see the great fans of the Marauders at every stadium cheering them on. With the latest from the pitch, this is Ron Santapa signing off.

This is Bob Weeks of the TSN soccer network. The qualifying groups for WC 29 have been announced and our countrymen from Quakmybush will be in tough. Here is the scedule:

Praying2God
@ Atheistic Right
Mcpsychoville
@ Krajkovia
Rordia
@ Bothen
Tynelia
@ Praying2God
Atheistic Right
@ Mcpsychoville
Krajkovia
@ Rordia
Bothen
@ Tynelia

The team will need a few bounces for any chance at all.

The video clicks on, a coach or stadium helping hand with a camcorder apparently, the only part of his body visible a pointing finger out at the field on Champion Field, the Hawks' home stadium and practice area. Out in the field were the Hawks' three most familiar faces: Veterans Mike Zendar and Mark Stone, as well as youngster Richard Weber, apparently just waiting for their teammates to arrive and practice to start. They looked to be laughing about something, Zendar holding a football. The pointing hand motioned to bring attention to them before steadying itself and zooming in as the three of them backed up, apparently oblivious of the camera. Near the edge of the penalty box, they set up a large triangle, starting out just passing it back and forth, getting faster and fancier as they went along.

As time passed, they were getting into fancier and fancier tricks, with Zendar flipping the ball up and balancing it on the toe if his shoe at one point before lobbing it high to Weber, who volley shot it at Mark Stone, who made a nice diving save to catch it. A moment later, veteran midfield Thomas Neils walked over, inquiring as to what they were doing. As Neils took Stone's spot, Stone backed up into the nearby net, rubbing his hands together as Weber took a shot that Stone slid to kick away and out to Neils, who flipped it up, bounced it on his head a few times, and then knocked over to Zendar, who didn't even wait for it to hit the gorund before sending a shot at Stone, who was barely even on his feet again and had to make another save for it, passing it back out to Weber, who headed it back to Zendar, apparently eager to pick up anything he could from the older player.

Zendar said something, the camera too far away to hear what, that looked like "Watch this." Dribbling it up towards Mark Stone, he kicked what looked like a shot. Stone dove for it and would have legitimately stopped it, but it bounced off the crossbar, Zendar's true target. Now faced with Stone sliding along the ground having finished his dive, Zendar simply headed the ball in as it came back to him. Weber grinned as Stone retrieved the ball and passed out to him, as he flipped it into the air and then made a diving header into the side of the net, which Stone barely deflected out past the goalpost.

Seeing defender Jonah Menike walking out onto the field with his gear, Stone tossed it over to him and shouted something about a corner kick. Meniek shrugged, set it up, and kicked it out. Weber jumped up to head it again, only to find Stone in the air first, punching it away, Zendar retrieved it and passed to Neil, who made a one-time shot into the net while Stone was out in front. Menike joined in, making a sliding tackle to kick the ball away from Weber, who rolled to the ground and shouted jokingly about a referee.

The video continued like this for some time, with more players arriving and joining in the shootout against Mark Stone, who managed to make a surprising amount of saves even from up close, until finally the camera jostled around some and switched off. Sam Sherman was left onscreen at the HNN Sports Centre, one eyebrow raised, nodding his head. "Did I call it, or did I call it?" he asked rhetorically. "Zendar and Stone. Stone and Zendar. Key duo."

Bridget Evans groaned. "The home video footage was shot by a caretaker who stayed on after his night shift in order to tape the team arriving in the morning. It was all over the internet this morning. Legal experts have asked Lloyd Vargas if he would like it removed, but he has declined as yet. It seems the impromptu ads and games are the ones making the Hawks very popular. Interest in the World Cup, already massive, has almost doubled, affecting nine out of ten Harakians by now, helped on massively by the Hawks' impromptu game in an Atherlon street and now fueled by this video.

"More on it later. Don't forget, World Cup qualifying begins for the Hawks tomorrow, with Intyny coming to visit at Champion Field here in Atherlon. Good luck to the Hawks, and keep your eyes on the Haraki News Network for all the Hawks' games, uninterrupted and in real time."

http://img142.imageshack.us/img142/9163/starlogo2ti.jpg
Mateys need to be Cautious

The qualifying for World cup 29 was made yesterday and the Mateys got an average draw, which makes sense being an average team. Again drawn in group 11 like the last time except this time things look a little tougher and also the team has the added problem of playing two extra games than WC 28 due to an eight team group.

Group 11
New Montreal States (7)
Andossa Se Mitrin Vega (23)
Yafor 2 (46)
Lisburn Mateys (72)
Geisenfried (92)
The Footie Dream Team (171)
Ulyanovia (198)
Ashterrus (207)


New Montreal States are of coarse the favourites with a rank of 7 and Andossa Se Mitrin are also second favourite to qualify, mayby the Mateys FA are regretting siging up for the Draggonnii Inviyatii where they may have had a chance to view some of these teams as ASMV hosted it and NMS won it.
We wont make any predictions for now apart from NMS first and ASMV second, but the Mateys must be careful as Geisenfried are of a similar strength to ourselves and the footie dream team could pull off some shocks as we did four years ago.

The games against Ulyanovia, Ashterrus will played at Ballyskegh and the Ansan stadium, look at Mateys wiki for more info.

CoH - Here We Come!
The Montréal Nautical – Kelse’s Premier English News Source

MONTRÉAL, Kelse (AP) - The National Team had been looking forward to the group draw for ages, hoping to snag a group where qualification would be possible. Lead by new head coach Janelle Croft, the team is made up of all prolific young athletes under the age of twenty-five who have yet to play on the international level. The nation looked onto their new squad as perhaps the team that would help them achieve international sporting recognition - however that was only to be decided by the impending draw. In the days leading up to the draw, the team had been non-stop at practice at their home in the new Stade De Lux, and sightings of the squad were rare. However, when they were spotted on the weekends out and about in Montréal, the boys were treated like true celebrities. Forward Noah Landreau for example, who is rumored to be dating wealthy heiress and socialite London Sheraton, was spotted outside Club Blāk in Saint-Joseph last weekend where he was attacked by a mass amount of paparazzi.

Finally, the day of the draw came and the team watched on along with the rest of the nation thanks to the mass media attention given. The team looked on in horror when they're name was drawn. Group 7. Rejistania and Sarzonia topped the group, and the realization that the team would be going nowhere hit them like a ton of bricks. Head coach Croft nearly fainted. The rest of the group consisted of an unknown but high-ranked Kericia, unknown and low-ranked Tecpatl, Aigosthena, and Snub nose thirty-eight-point-one, and a team our girls are quite familiar with - Dorian and Sonya.

Yes, you heard it first, those magical faeries are in it again with us. Ranked one spot ahead of the Mariners, the Mystical Unicorns of Dorian and Sonya have come to this World Cup hoping to upset a Kelse team and rise in the rankings. Playing them in the Womens' World Cup and fellow competitors in the Olympics, has D&S become an archrival? "Well of course, they're the team we want to and love to beat!" said Jezebel Rolland, star of the Womens' National Team. Her remarks pretty much sumed it up for the rest of the nation as hundreds planned to make the trip to Dorian and Sonya for the opening match. As for the first match, too be played at the Elanesse Tulcokelume, Croft is certain for at least a draw. "You know, this is a brand new team, and the ranking doesn't speak much for the talent our boys' possess. They'll be good, but we'll be better."

The Mariners first match against Dorian and Sonya will be televised live tomorrow on De Lux Sportif at 2:00pm with repeats on Sportif Reloaded at 8:00pm and 4:30am.

Starblaydi Home Venues Announced
Venues old and new for fans to visit

Matchday 1:
Facing 'Sexy Games', on the opening Matchday, Starblaydia will kick-off the defence of their second World Title at the home of Starblaydia's sexy football, Silverlands. Home to the Corinthian Spirits side who have always played their game to a samba beat, their most famous player, World Cup Winner and Hall of Famer Menecrates will be the honoured guest introduced to the players before the match,
Starblaydia Vs Sexy Games - Silverlands, Corinth (65,000 Capacity)

Matchday 2:
Just because we know that Bettia love our Dwarves, Starblaydia will - for the first time - be playing a Qualifying match underground. Yes, folks, the City of Quiet Fire, Karak D'Ragh, will seem as if its dormant volcano has come alive once more as the top two teams in this Group face each other in the great Sports Hall of the Dwarven City.
Starblaydia Vs Bettia - Sports Hall, Karak D'Ragh (60,000 Capacity)

Matchday 4:
Harlesburg have an official sporting grudge against Starblaydia, dontcha know, from way back in the Cherry Cup. Though they've never officially retracted the grudge, Starblaydia and Harlesburg have met each other quite a few times since, most recently four years ago in Qualifying where Harlesburg were the only team to beat Starblaydia in the run-up to the finals in The Archregimancy and New Montreal States. The central Aquilianan city of Farça will play host to the match, now the largest stadium in Starblaydia.
Starblaydia Vs Harlesburg - Stadii di Quercus, Farça (99,000 Capacity)

Matchday 10:
Ah, the Legalites. So nice of them to name a city after the late, great Lord-Protector Tiberius Starblayde. So nice, in fact, that we let them have Snowcroft City a while back, too. Such is their niceness, obviously, that we're letting Iskara Daii's Stadium, Foundation Road, play host to their hop across the border in the first Qualifying Bekkside Derby in twelve years. Though there's not an Iskara Daii player currently in the World Cup side, expect Daii Raiders (the Iskara Women's team) players Tabitha Di Bradini and Tara Niodonna to excel.
Starblaydia Vs Legalese - Foundation Road, Jhanna (75,000 Capacity)

Matchday 12:
The largest stadium in mainland Starblaydia - Jhanna City's Jader Barbahlo - will play host to Virginia Nova as Starblaydia will surely have attempted to wrap up a qualification spot before this match even begins. Nearly one hundred thousand expectant fans will be their to cheer on the white-and-purples before they hopefully head to Krytenia or nearby Casari.
Starblaydia Vs Virginia Nova - Jader Barbahlo Stadium, Jhanna (96,000 Capacity)

Matchday 13:
Sex Gods. Riiiiight. Tabeck FC's scenic Bekkside Arena is the destination for the 142nd-ranked side in the world. With TFC's Captain - Markko Rakkinen - in the side as well as Juan Valdez and Johan Keifner, there's sure to be a partisan crowd down by the lake for the penultimate game.
Starblaydia Vs AwalKB - Bekkside Arena, Tabeck (33,000 Capacity)

Matchday 14:
And lo, we finish at the home of Starblaydia's Captain. Paul Noble captains club and country, and it is fitting that the final Matchday sees him lead out his country where he plays his football week in, week out: Victory Park, home of the Vecchio Victors. Fillipo Zinaldi and David 'Got Your Number' Bedford also play for the Vics too, and expect a rout against the complete unknowns.
Starblaydia Vs Spindomia - Victory Park, Vecchio (48,000 Capacity)

RICHMOND TIMESDISPATCH World Cup Preview part one

By Sundy McGallow

MD1 Virginia Nova
@ Harlesburg

This is a pivotal match,as a tie or a win would give the Eagles early momentum. This will be tough as we are playing this game in Harlesburg.

MD2 SexyGames
@ Virginia Nova

Home opener is against an unranked,unproven,unknown. Easy pickings for the Eagles.

MD3AwalKB
@ Virginia Nova

these upstarts could prove dangerous as the easy victoy over SG could let our guard down.This game will be played at Bank of Carolina stadium in New Charrlotte

MD4 Virginia Nova
@ Spindomia

Unproven upstart Yes,but this is being played at Spindomia.

MD5 Virginia Nova
@ Starblaydia

We did hold Bedistan to 1 goal as an unkranked,Let see what we do with Star

MD6 Bettia
@ Virginia Nova

This will be a tough game against the team with the second highist ranking in our group.

Virginia Nova
@ Legalese

Another tough AO team could give us fits as this will be playued on the road

Stay Tuned for Part two

Starblaydi Home Venues Announced
Venues old and new for fans to visit

Matchday 1:
Facing 'Sexy Games', on the opening Matchday, Starblaydia will kick-off the defence of their second World Title at the home of Starblaydia's sexy football, Silverlands. Home to the Corinthian Spirits side who have always played their game to a samba beat, their most famous player, World Cup Winner and Hall of Famer Menecrates will be the honoured guest introduced to the players before the match,
Starblaydia Vs Sexy Games - Silverlands, Corinth (65,000 Capacity)

Matchday 2:
Just because we know that Bettia love our Dwarves, Starblaydia will - for the first time - be playing a Qualifying match underground. Yes, folks, the City of Quiet Fire, Karak D'Ragh, will seem as if its dormant volcano has come alive once more as the top two teams in this Group face each other in the great Sports Hall of the Dwarven City.
Starblaydia Vs Bettia - Sports Hall, Karak D'Ragh (60,000 Capacity)

Matchday 4:
Harlesburg have an official sporting grudge against Starblaydia, dontcha know, from way back in the Cherry Cup. Though they've never officially retracted the grudge, Starblaydia and Harlesburg have met each other quite a few times since, most recently four years ago in Qualifying where Harlesburg were the only team to beat Starblaydia in the run-up to the finals in The Archregimancy and New Montreal States. The central Aquilianan city of Farça will play host to the match, now the largest stadium in Starblaydia.
Starblaydia Vs Harlesburg - Stadii di Quercus, Farça (99,000 Capacity)

Matchday 10:
Ah, the Legalites. So nice of them to name a city after the late, great Lord-Protector Tiberius Starblayde. So nice, in fact, that we let them have Snowcroft City a while back, too. Such is their niceness, obviously, that we're letting Iskara Daii's Stadium, Foundation Road, play host to their hop across the border in the first Qualifying Bekkside Derby in twelve years. Though there's not an Iskara Daii player currently in the World Cup side, expect Daii Raiders (the Iskara Women's team) players Tabitha Di Bradini and Tara Niodonna to excel.
Starblaydia Vs Legalese - Foundation Road, Jhanna (75,000 Capacity)

Matchday 12:
The largest stadium in mainland Starblaydia - Jhanna City's Jader Barbahlo - will play host to Virginia Nova as Starblaydia will surely have attempted to wrap up a qualification spot before this match even begins. Nearly one hundred thousand expectant fans will be their to cheer on the white-and-purples before they hopefully head to Krytenia or nearby Casari.
Starblaydia Vs Virginia Nova - Jader Barbahlo Stadium, Jhanna (96,000 Capacity)

Matchday 13:
Sex Gods. Riiiiight. Tabeck FC's scenic Bekkside Arena is the destination for the 142nd-ranked side in the world. With TFC's Captain - Markko Rakkinen - in the side as well as Juan Valdez and Johan Keifner, there's sure to be a partisan crowd down by the lake for the penultimate game.
Starblaydia Vs AwalKB - Bekkside Arena, Tabeck (33,000 Capacity)

Matchday 14:
And lo, we finish at the home of Starblaydia's Captain. Paul Noble captains club and country, and it is fitting that the final Matchday sees him lead out his country where he plays his football week in, week out: Victory Park, home of the Vecchio Victors. Fillipo Zinaldi and David 'Got Your Number' Bedford also play for the Vics too, and expect a rout against the complete unknowns.
Starblaydia Vs Spindomia - Victory Park, Vecchio (48,000 Capacity)

OOC:Can you switch the home game against us to MD5

Jeruselem (10)
Ariddia (27)
Wentland (40)
Elrich (62)
Khenas (124)
Mahaliastan (152)
Artoonia (182)
Sliponia (NR)

"Do we know anything about these teams, Smee?"

"Er, Jeruselem and Ariddia are well known, sir."

"How about the others?"

"Er, nothing, sir. I think I once met someone from Mahaliastan on holiday in Oliverry but she could have been boasting."

"Ah, international liaison, eh?"

"Quite."

"Any of them have nice beaches?"

"Er, no idea, sir."

"What are our chances?"

"Er, quite slim, sir. We need to sneak past Ariddia at least. Jeruselem are probably too good. And no slip-ups like last time."

"Have we the man for the job?"

"Let's hope so, sir."

***

That man was retrieving his videos of past matches involving the teams. Tommy Barnes was determined to be ready. Especially for Barry Scott. BANG!

Chuck Norris News
For All Of Your Fighting Norris Coverage

Welcome back all of you football fans. It's finally time for another round of roundhouse kicking fun. That's right, the group draw for World Cup 29 has recently been conducted. Here to tell you about The Fighting Norris' Group 2 is our favorite coach, Bob Janney!

"Let's just cut out the suspense and get to the summarizing.

Fmjphoenix
World Ranking: 9
History: Fmjphoenix first participated on the international stage in World Cup 18. Although they failed to qualify in their first three world cups, thye did manage to make it to the final 32 in World Cup 21. Interestingly, their only win in the first round of that World Cup came when they destroyed Bedistan by a score of 3-0. Even more interestingly, Bedistan would go on to win that cup. This is when Fmjphoenix let the world know that they were a team to be afraid of. However, they failed to qualify into World Cup 22. It didn't take long to return though as they marched back into the final 32 in World Cup 23. They missed advancment into the knockout rounds by one goal, tying eventual winners Rejistania in points but having one too few goals scored. This is where I form my first rule of Fmjphoenix footballing: Fmjphoenix performs best against teams destined for greatness. In other words, it's good fortune to be beat by Fmjphoenix, so we can't wait! In World Cup 24, they once again managed to qualify. However, they were once again unable to advance due to one goal in the difference. By now, all of you watching should know who they nearly beat out for advancement... eventual winners Liverpool England, further prooving the first rule of Fmjphoenix footballing. It was World Cup 25 when they'd finally make it past that cursed first round, pulling straight wins against Liverpool England, Hockey Canada, and Lovisa. However, Tadjikistan crushed their parade with a 2-0 victory over them in the second round. Arguably their best cup yet was World Cup 26, in which they not only had 3 straight wins against Liverpool England, Spruitland, and Schiavonia in the first round, but also progressed to the elite eight also known as the quarter-finals. Ironically, the eventual runner-ups in this cup that they beat in the first round would be their end in the quarter-finals; a team we like to call Liverpool England. Thus derives the second rule of Fmjphoenix footballing: They cannot and probably will never beat Liverpool England when it matters the most. They stepped up to the plate and decided to host World Cup 27, but not even homefield advantage could lift them past the first round. However, World Cup 28 proved that they were not down for the count when they once again raged into the quarterfinals, losing once again to eventual third-place team Liverpool England.
Summary:
1: Fmjphoenix performs best against teams destined to be great.
2: Liverpool England is kryptonite to Fmjphoenix.
3: We, the Fighting Norris, struck a 2-2 draw against Liverpool England in World Cup 27.
4: With logic, points 2 and 3 prove that we will be kryptonite to Fmjphoenix.
5: With even more logic, 1 and 4 prove that we are not detined to be great.
6: I knew that would end badly. Moving on...

Schiavonia
World Ranking: 24
History: First appearing on the international stage in World Cup 26, this footballing team has made a rapid climb to the top. Qualifying in their first ever World Cup porved they were ready to make some noise. Even looking past thier performance in the First Round of World cup 26, they've been a great squad. They also managed to qualify in World Cup, just their second World Cup ever. This is our third and we're still nowhere close. However, third time certainly wasn't a charm for them as they missed qualification by a good four points. However, they proved they weren't completely out of it when they went on to win the following Cup of Harmony. Now their back and ready to qualify once again, despite their media's publishing of overly pessimistic viewpoints.
Summary: Their media has done a nice job of trying to make Schiavonia's competitors overly confident, but we refuse to fall for such a trick! We're bound to see some rough competition in our two matches against this skillful squad.

Vuam and Isma
World Ranking: 52
History: Our old friends from the pre-World Cup 27 Baptism of Fire have developed exactly as we have and the rankings proves as such. WE outperformed them by a little in the Pre-World Cup 27 Baptism of Fire by a little bit, they proceeded to outperform us in both the World Cup 27 qualifiers and Cup of Harmony. We outperformed them by three points in the World Cup 28 qualifiers and they returned the favor by outperforming us by three points in the following Cup of Harmony.
Summary: If our team we're to look in the mirror, we'd probably see Vuam and Isma's squad... or maybe just ourselves. Our two matches against this squad will be very close, the only piece of evidence in our favor is our 2-1 victory against them nearly a decade ago.

Mr Chuck Norris
World Ranking: 55
History: Starting in the Pre-World Cup 27 Baptism of Fire, the Fighting Norris have done nothing on the international stage other than gain respect from other teams. Maybe this will finally be our year, but then again, maybe our year will never come.
Summary: We'll come in third or fourth in this group... no questions asked.

Northern Caesarea
World Rank: 102
History: Their only international appearances thus far have been their performances in World Cup 28 and the following Cup of Harmony.
Summary: Oddly enough, we've encountered this team once before in their short lives in the previous Cup of Harmony. Despite playing their hearts out, we gave them a 3-1 beating and left happy. I'm fairly confident that we can score some points of this fairly new squad.

Risa-Aramour
World Ranking: 128
History: They began the same time as Vuam and Isma and ourselves did way back in the pre-World Cup 27 Baptism of Fire. After a mediocre performance in World Ucp 27, thye opted out of World Cup 28 and decided to come back for World Cup 29 to give it another goal.
Summary: Our squad hates this team with a fiery passion after they beat us 1-nil in the Pre-World Cup 27 Baptism of Fire qualifying rounds in what may have been the greatest display of trickery, immorality, and general wrongdoingness. We must... no... we will defeat these guys... twice... by a lot.

Warrior Treblah
World Ranking: 187
History: Fresh off a mediocre Baptism of Fire.
Summary: We're hoping these guys will just be some easy practice. A loss against them will not be tolerated.

Zychibastan
World Ranking: Unranked
History: This is their international debut.
Summary: If these guys upset, a roundhouse-kicking rampage will occur... and nobody wants that.

That's all I got on this group... now you know. Now we will end with the traditional schedule of the Fighting Norris for World Cup 29."

The Schedule of The Fighting Norris for World Cup 29
Matchday 1: Vs Northern Caesarea
Matchday 2: At Risa-Aramour
Matchday 3: At Warrior Treblah
Matchday 4: At Fmjphoenix
Matchday 5: Vs Schiavonia
Matchday 6: Vs Vuam and Isma
Matchday 7: At Zychibastan
Matchday 8: At Northern Caesarea
Matchday 9: Vs Risa-Aramour
Matchday 10: Vs Warrior Treblah
Matchday 11: Vs Fmjphoenix
Matchday 12: At Schiavonia
Matchday 13: At Vuam and Isma
Matchday 14: Vs Zychibastan

The Fighting Norris' World Cup 29 Record: (0-0-0)

There follows a Party Political Broadcast on behalf of the Official Political Party of World Cup 29, the Party Party...

"Hello, Mike Toby from the Party Party here to give another hopeless political view on the events of World Cup 29.

"It appears that the people at the Virginia Nova Football Association want to switch the dates of their home and away games against Starblaydia around. Which all seems a bit pointless to us. Otherwise that would be four home games in the opening five fixtures for Starblaydia.

"Either that, or the more likely option - that those in Virginia Nova simply can't read the fixtures correctly. Everyone knows that in football, the home team are listed first and the away team second. Anything else would just be silly.

"If this is the case, and it appears to me that it is, then the government of Virginia Nova should be ashamed of the education they give their children. Listing the away team first. We propose that every child in Virginia Nova be taught that the home team goes first, because that's what it is like in the outside world!

"Oh, and they should teach them not to repost the entire posts whilst quoting when a much shorter post featuring the relevant texts would be perfectly satisfactory. Especially when we all have to trawl through the posts to see what the devil they're on about. Teach the kids to communicate clearly and concisely. Otherwise you'll end up with a crumbling society as nobody will know what's going on!

"Until next time, thank you."

This is Bob Weeks of the TSN soccer network. The qualifying groups for WC 29 have been announced and our countrymen from Quakmybush will be in tough. Here is the scedule:

@ Praying2God
Atheistic Right
@ Mcpsychoville
Krajkovia
@ Rordia
Bothen
@ Tynelia
Praying2God
@ Atheistic Right
Mcpsychoville
@ Krajkovia
Rordia
@ Bothen
Tynelia

The team will need a few bounces for any chance at all.

[OOC - Mil, sorry for taking so long to reply to your puppet's request, but in addition to being busy in RL, I thought I'd better put a bit of effort in to the reply]

MONASTIC FOOTBALL ASSOCIATION PRESS RELEASE
Official Holy Icons Blessed for Geisenfried and Tessan
Request from Collonie Politely Rejected

The Monastic Football Association and the Holy Synod of the Archregimancy today revealed the Official World Cup 29 Holy Icons of Geisenfried and Tessan.

As requested, the Official Holy Icon of Geisenfried is:

The Holy Equals of the Apostles and Teachers and Enlighteners of the Slavs, Cyril & Methodius (http://i14.photobucket.com/albums/a319/vakraas/Cyril_Methodius.jpg)

We were caught slightly flat-footed at the news that an Official Holy Icon had arrived in Tessan before the MFA had formally selected one. It seems an enthusiastic monk sent an icon to that nation on his own initiative, but we are happy to confirm his choice. Given our group opponent's focus on chivalry, The MFA itself was on the verge of choosing the warrior prince St. Alexander Nevsky, but since he is best known in the west for his defeat of crusading knights in 1242AD, this may have proven to be a tactless choice.

Instead, the official World Cup 29 Holy Icon of Tessan is:

The Repose of St Theodore Yaroslavich the older brother of St Alexander Nevsky in Novgorod (http://i14.photobucket.com/albums/a319/vakraas/Theodore.jpg)

Fortunately, St. Theodore is best known for defeating pagan Mordovians in battle rather than crusaders.

Meanwhile the MFA would like to politely decline Collonie's request for an 'icon' of Judas Iscariot. St. Irenaeus (ca.125-202), bishop of Lyons, in his book Against Heresies mentions the doctrines of a Gnostic sect known as ‘Cainites,’ who used the so-called 'gospel of Judas' -recently prominent in ordinary reality- to justify their heresy. This sect declared that Cain (the son of Adam who murdered his brother, Abel, in a fit of envy) and all of the ‘evil’ characters of the Old testament were to be venerated because of their ‘persecution’ by God. According to historians, this sect never had many adherents, and by the beginning of the Third Century AD, Hippolytus of Rome barely mentions them while listing the heretical groups of that time.

The Cainite heresy asserts that there are some sins that even Christ cannot cleanse with His Blood, and that the scars left on the body and the soul by old transgressions are sometimes so deep that they cannot be removed by the healing grace provided by Christ. What else is this but to say that Christ died in vain?

It is important to stress that Judas' 'sin' is not necessarily one of betrayal. If we review the canonical Gospels we notice a disagreement about the cause that made Judas deliver Christ. Matthew wrote that Judas delivered Christ for money (Mathew 26:14-15), and Mark did not mention any reason. Luke and John confirmed that the devil entered him and pushed him to deliver Christ. (Luke 22:3; John 13:27). It is important to remember that The New Testament is not as much concerned with showing the factuality of its narratives, as to interpret the theological meaning of the narrated facts (in this regard Orthodoxy's interpretation of the Bible differs significantly from that of heretical Protestant bible literalists). Thus we are able to conclude that the common factor in all these Gospel stories about Judas emphasizes two essential matters. First, Judas delivered Jesus, and second, Judas hereafter separated from the group of the Twelve. This is very far from an 'unjust accusation' of 'betrayal' as mentioned by Collonie.

Catholic theologians - and the MFA feels that the Catholic perspective is not wholly invalid here - have previously stated that Judas' 'crime' was not in fact his 'betrayal' of our Saviour, over which New Testament accounts differ, but rather his subsequent suicide. The actual handing over of Christ might well have been forgiveable in traditional Christian terms through confession and contrition, but Judas' suicide is the more difficult issue to overcome. On this basis, the MFA cannot agree to Collonie's request for an 'icon' of Judas Iscariot.

[OOC2: source acknowledgment - the SS. Cyril & Methodius Icon was taken from Wikipedia rather than my usual source, the Orthodox Church in America as the OCA didn't have an icon of the brothers together; the discussion regarding Judas was compiled and edited by myself from three separate sources, two Orthodox, one Catholic, the main one of which was the web page of the Antiochian Orthodox Archdiocese of North America]

VN, for fuck's sake! Read the first post. The fixtures are set EVERY cup by the hosts, you can't just make them up. If you didn't know that after SO MANY cups, perhaps you shouldn't even be in it? And, when you quote someone else, if their quote is long, FUCKING <SNIP> THE QUOTE, so as not to put all of us through reading the fucking quote AGAIN.

IC:
Douglas Freech to step down?
Rumours in Liverpool England are that Sir Douglas Freech will step down from his position at the Sarzonian IFF to take over from Nick Reagan as Liveprool England manager. A rumour, posted online at terminatorsboard.fale.org.len, has sparked huge debate over this in Liverpool England.

The two camps, for and against, are split roughly 50-50; most think Nick Reagan has done well (78%), but some would prefer Freech over Reagan (46%), while most were not happy at first at the thought of a Bedistani manager (87%), almost half those polled said that they're satisfied, or have a better impression of the team, under Reagan (55%).

Roughly two-thirds (64%) of those questioned said that Freech would be welcome back, but a quarter of this group said that he should only take over if Reagan resigns or gets the sack.

Freech was unavailable for comment, and neither was the IFF.

MOST UNDESERVING TOP SEED EVER?
Warriors get shocking top seed for WC XXIX Qualifying

That is not a misprint, folks. The Praying2God Warriors, who have never advanced beyond the 2nd Round are the top seed in Group 12 for WC XXIX Qualifying. With both co-hosts being ranked above the Warriors 17th and exempt from having to qualify, the Warriors were bumped up two spots and into the last top seed position. Suddenly, a Warriors team that has never won its Qualifying group finds itself having to defend the position of favorite to win their group. However, let’s not quickly forget what the Warriors did in the group play stage of WC XXVIII, where they beat a pair of top-ten teams on their way to a stunning sweep of their group, before falling to TnUI on penalties in the 2nd Round.

The Warriors have lost a couple of key players from their line-up in Ashley Gore and Kelly Carter, who had been starters since the Warriors return to international soccer in WC XX. However, their replacements should be more than adequate. Their loss may be felt early on as their replacements gain experience, but they should learn their new roles quickly.

The key stretch for the Warriors will likely prove to be their five match road trip in their fifth through ninth Qualifying matches. However, most of those matches should be considered winnable, as the Warriors face the bottom four teams in their group before taking on the second seed in their last match before returning home.

Can the Warriors do the unthinkable and win their Qualifying group? We’ll know in 14 matches.

Here’s who the Warriors have to contend with in Group 12:

Praying2God (17th ranked): Yes, we somehow are the favorites in this group. As long as we play solidly throughout Qualifying we should qualify easily. We can’t afford to overlook anybody though, especially when we’re away from the House of Prayer. Our 2nd Round appearance in WC XXVIII after winning our group in the group play stage has left the team with a ton of confidence coming in. These Warriors are certainly ready to do battle. Predicted Finish: 1st

McPsychoville (29): The team that should give us the most serious challenge to winning the group is no slouch by any stretch of the imagination. They have a CoH title in their trophy case, and will certainly be hungry to make some noise here. Their aggressive style of play will be a good challenge for our strong defense. Predicted Finish: 2nd

Rordia (51): The one team in this group that the Warriors have any experience on the field with. The Warriors took four points away from two matches with Rordia in WC XXVII Qualifying, while Rordia was ranked 57th to the Warriors 28th, so needless to say, Rordia has struggled during the last couple of WCs as the Warriors have continued to surge up the rankings. However, they are not a team to overlook, as that could prove to be a costly mistake. Predicted Finish: 3rd

Tynelia (54): Another decent, but by no means elite team on about even-footing with Rordia. However, that also makes them a potential spoiler to any Warriors dreams of winning their group. The potential dark horse in this group, though they likely won’t exceed their seed. Predicted Finish: 4th

Atheistic Right (87): The theological implications of the Warriors match-ups with Atheistic Right will make these matches intriguing in their own right. It will be interesting to see what (if any) comments The Archregimancy (who loathes both teams) has about these match-ups. We should be able to sweep them, but the road match-up could be particularly interesting. Predicted Finish: 5th

Krajkovia (136): Apparently somebody who’s taken part in (at least) one WC, but isn’t a familiar name to those of us in the P2G media. None of my colleagues can remember having heard of them before. Needless to say, probably not somebody who’ll make much noise in this group. Predicted Finish: 7th

Bothen (195): Evidently a newcomer to the WC, who appears to have had some success in the recent BoF. However, that does not make them a serious threat to us. However, they could reek some havoc in match-ups with teams in the bottom half of this group. Predicted Finish: 6th

Quakmybush (unranked): One word sums this up quite well…Who??? Predicted Finish: 7th

SAINTS GET THIRD SEED, BUT TOUGH DRAW

The Pastorville Saints are going to have a hard time making their fifth attempt to qualify for the WC a successful one, as they will be hard-pressed to beat out the two teams seeded above them in Group 15. They also face a decent challenge from behind as they’ll attempt to hold their seed. The Saints have never come close to qualifying, being eliminated well before their final Qualifying match, but if the defense plays well they could create some havoc.

Who do the Saints have to deal with? Let’s take a look:

Bedistan (1st ranked): Unfortunately, this is not a misprint. The Saints have to deal with the best team in the world, who’s won two of the last three WCs, and are the defending runner-up. Prediction: runaway 1st

The Islands of Qatar (25): Another difficult match-up for the Saints. However, the Warriors took four points from the 25th ranked team in the world in WC XXVI, so they have a good history against this ranking. That was a long time ago though, and the Saints haven’t improved nearly as much as the rest of the world has. Prediction: 2nd

Pastorville (50): Yet again, we find ourselves the third seed in our Qualifying group. We held our seed in WC XXVIII with a second half surge, but we were nowhere close to qualifying. That’s not likely to change in WC XXIX. Prediction: 3rd

Magnus Valerius (68): We’ve heard of them, but we haven’t played them before. They’re a decent team though, and one to be treated with a great deal of respect. Prediction: 5th

Nebuleux (81): This is our dark horse pick to make some noise in this group. They’re on their way up the rankings, and could potentially damage the chances of the teams ranked above them. Prediction: 4th

Kedalfax (171): They must be a newcomer to the WC, who did well in the BoF, because they’re not somebody that we’ve heard of. However, we have to take them seriously or they could hurt us. Prediction: 6th

Sovietry (207): Evidently, a first-timer in the WC who didn’t fare well in the BoF. We should be able to handle them easily, despite our offensive struggles. Prediction: 7th

Nikea (unranked): Another old-timer that’s returned to international soccer competition. They may not have the organized talent that other nations have right now, but their managerial talent should be superb, and that in itself should earn them a few points. Definitely not a team the Saints will be able to take lightly. Prediction: 5th

THE MONASTIC TIMES

OBLIGATORY LAZY GROUP PREVIEW RELEASED
Our Lads Favourites to Progress over Heathens and Heretics

By Fr. Nicholas the Scribe

Group 13
The Archregimancy (16): That run to the quarterfinals of WC28 has thrust our lads into the limelight of a top sixteen ranking and a top qualifying seed. Never has the possibility of the soul-strengthening humiliation of an unexpected failure to qualify loomed so large.

Milchama (20): Not a bad bunch for a group of Hebrews with a tendency to hum the Internationale – anthem of militant atheist communism. Will no doubt finish above us as we seek the path of humility.

Chicanada (38): Of the 11% of the population who consider themselves Christian, 100% are non-Orthodox heretics. Another 79% of the population follow some sort of pagan rite called ‘Monaghanism’. Whatever that is. Oh, their football team? Well capable of an upset, and the best-placed to sneak above us into the second-qualifying spot. Which is no more than we wretched sinners deserve, no doubt.

Kaze Progressa (57): Almost forgot to enter this Tournament, but the heathen excelites of Kaze Progessa have a long history of rivalry with our lads dating back to the qualifiers of WC24, where we narrowly pipped them to a playoff spot in our first ever tournament. Despite their storied history, have been treading water ever since.

East Lithuania (107): We believe that most Lithuanians are schismatic Catholics. Pity as we have a soft spot for Balts - so long as they're preceded by a vodka chaser.

Tessan (126): I here declare that our match against His Majesty’s knights of football shall be a contest of chivalrous strength, and I shall also here declare my intent not to bleat on endlessly about Alexander Nevsky’s defeat of knights or the injuries caused by the fourth crusade (which’ll make a change from previous cups) so long as His Majesty graciously permits our monks to emerge victorious.

Third England (191): Third rate

Iaukea (NR): We’ll have Iaukea and eat it too.

QSPN FOOTBALL WEEKLY

Hello once again to QSPN Football Weekly I'm your host Ben Rottenburger, and this is a special editon of the QFW as we're joined by QFL and QFC President Harold Harbor and head coach of the Black Oxen, Jason Bourne. Welcome gentlemen to the Prediction show. We'll Start off of course with our own group, Group VIII. How do you see this group finishing?

Harbor- Thanks for inviting me on this show and remeber that QFL Season 20 kicks off in April of next season with defending Champs Vogg United hosting the last PFL champs, Deportivo Iguana. I see Qazox' Group to finish as follows:

1st- LE
2nd-Bazalonia
3rd- Qazox
4th- Cataduanes
5th- Tinsuvilia
6th- Bostopia
7th- Green Wombat
8th- Benlandngdo The Oxen just miss out once again on the Cup once again by a single point.

Bourne- I see the group mostly the same, but with Qazox just sneaking into 2nd place and qualifing for its first cup.

Rottenburger- Ok Gentlemen. for the rest of the groups, i would like your thoughts on only the top two teams.. Mr. Harbor, you can go 1st.

Harbor- In group I- Squornshelous and Anathematic Republics; Group II-Fmjphoenix and Schiavonia; Group III- Legalese and Starblaydia, Legalese upsetting Starblaydia for 1st; Group IV- Haraki and Cuation.

Bourne- Are you crazy??? Starblaydia finishing behind Legalese? I do agree that in groups I thru III those teams will advance, but Legalese over Starblaydia and Cuation over Audioslavia??

Rottenburger- Please, gentlemen lets keep it civil. Thats the first 4 groups after the brak Groups V thru IX.

[[Commercials for Meal or No Meal, Qazox's Funniest Practical Jokes and Qazox Wresting Federation.

Rottenburger- Welcome back. I'm joined today by Harold Harbor, QFL and QFC President and Jason Bourne of Rockport AC and the Coach of the National team. Coach, I belive It's time for your picks in Groups V thru IX.

Bourne- In Group V, TnUI and the Macabees will advance, though Spruitland will be very close. In group VI- Tadjikistan, will probably be the 1st team to qualify, while TKP and Nedalia fight it out for 2nd. In Group VII- Rejistania will advance and Dorian and Sonya will shock the world and qualify, edging out Sarzonia. (hears Harbor snort and snicker). While in Group IX- I see Spaam and Hockey Canada in a fight to the finish with Giant Zucchini. I see that you disagree with me Mr. Harbor.

Harbor- DORIAN AND SONYA?!?!? and you thought my pick of Legalese finishing first was a pipe dream. (laughs uncontrolably).

Bourne- Mr. Rottenburger. I'm Sorry, but I can;t stay here with that... that.. [EXPLETIVE]. I'm sorry. (walks off the set, throwing down his mike.)

Rottenburger- Um.. ahh. Time for a word from our sponors. (as cameras cut away) to Harbor: What the FUCK are you doing, sir? you just ran off the coach and now we had to cut to a commerical early.

Harbor- Don;t get an attitude with me, you little pisant. if it weren't for the QFL you wouldn't even have a job. I'm outta of here too. and if you see that Sumabitch, tell him i'd like to see him in my office as soon as possible.

(commericlas end... cut back to studio with only Rottenburger)

Rottenburger- Sorry about Mr. Bourne's outburst. Mr. Harbor had pressing business and have to leave early. Since our experts have left, Groups X thru XV will be previewed on the next...Wait my producer just told me that in lieu of the experts' opinion, we're going to show top three teams, who you the fans think will advance in those groups, from your votes on QSPN.com. The % of votes are the % of votes that had the team in the top three places.

GROUP X
1- Oliverry (82%)
2- Commerce Heights (52%)
3- Collonie (37%)

GROUP XI
1- NMS (77%)
2- ASMV (73%)
3- Geisenfried (46%)

GROUP XII
1- McPsychoville (88%)
2- Praying2God (65%)
3- Tynelia (59%)

GROUP XIII
1- The Archregimancy (79%)
2- Chicanada (56%)
3- Kaze Progressa (29%)

GROUP XIV
1- Jeruselem (92%)
2- Wentland (56.4%)
3- Arridia (56.2%)

GROUP XV
1- Bedistan (99%)
2- Qutar (79%)
3- Magnus Valerius (49%)

Rottenburger- Thank you once again for tuning into QSPN Football Weekly. Next week we'll be live on location at Lorax Field in Lorax City for the opener against Tinsuvilia.

"Hello everyone, and welcome to Stars Football Weekly. I'm Jay McAlpin and I'll be your host for the upcoming run to World Cup XXIX.

"Right now, we have Stars' manager Mark Wingate on the phone. Good evening coach."

"Hi there Jay."

"Coach Wingate, can you tell me what the mood is like in Stars' camp right now?"

"Right now, the lads are nervous Jay. Very nervous. Unlike every previous World Cup, none of the lads on the team has any prior international experience. This is a brand new team and we're going to have to work out the jitters real quick."

"Now, Aigosthena is your first opponent. Any words about possible tactics for the match?"

"No, not really. The biggest thing I told the lads in the locker room was to focus on each game and give each opponent your undivided attention. We don't want to get caught looking past Aigosthena at Rejistania."

"Now, we're getting word that Bryan Marshall Stadium is not a sellout. Any concerns about the supporter voting with their feet?"

"Well, you have to look at the numbers, but usually it takes us a while to get in gear. I'm sure there's a little anxiety there, but I doubt the supporters of the national team will actively boycott the team because Brett Hancock isn't there or Roger Treadway isn't there or Kevin Wilson isn't here or Jenna Raven isn't here."

"Speaking of Jenna Raven, was there any reason she wasn't on the roster? I know the national women's organisations were upset that none of the 23 man selection was female."

"Jenna told me up front that she wanted to focus her energies on the women's national team now that women's football is starting to pick up some steam. Kevin quit the team after Brett left. Roger Treadway tore an ACL and an MCL. He'll be out close to two years."

"What does that loss do to the team?"

"It forces us to play as a full team rather than concentrate on one or two players. Hopefully, it allows us to develop some depth, which is what we've been sorely lacking over the past few years. We got old pretty quick under Dave Wilson. Now we've got to get younger and more skillful. But we also have to regain our reputation as being the hardest-working team in football and we have to be able to win the big matches when we need to."

"Okay, that's about all the time we have for today's show. Thank you Coach."

"Thanks, Jay."

"I'm Jay McAlpin for Stars Football Weekly. You've been a patient viewer. Thanks for joining us, and good night."

<A new logo a new name but still the same old Charles and Darwin and the start of what was Sports Daily then ARFA Sports. Football AR Edition - The only surviving Football news show in Atheistic Right. Either way the lights go up on the studio to reveal Charles and Darwin.>

"Good evening. And welcome to Football AR Edition. I'm Charles." - Charles

"And I am Darwin, well the Draw has been released for the Archepteri's 3rd World Cup Campaign." - Darwin

"So without further ado we'll put up the graphic displaying our group." - Charles

Group 12
Praying2God (17)
McPsychoville (29)
Rordia (51)
Tynelia (54)
Atheistic Right (87)
Krajkovia (136)
Bothen (195)
Quakmybush (NR)


"So what about Praying2No-one?" - Darwin

"They are the highest ranked team in the group but that doesn't mean they are unstopable. There is another religious conspiracy, this time at least they are a rival group to the Archregimancy and it's lackey's so there is the possibilty of using these guys against The Archregimancy, predicted finish 2nd." - Charles

"What about MsPsychoville?" - Darwin

"MsPsychoville, some random team that we don't really care about or know much about about apart from the fact that they are the groups 2nd seed. They will probably take Praying2No-ones 1st place on the ladder." - Charles

"and Rordia?" - Darwin

"We don't know them and we don't care. We'll say they keep their seeding in the final ladder." - Charles

"Oh, and what about out BoF opponents Tynelia?" - Darwin

"Despite being ahead of us in the rankings we finally have the chance to show our real dominance against them. I am sure the team will do very well when playing against these idiots predicted finish 5th." - Charles

"So that bring us to the Archeopteri.. What's your prediction?" - Darwin

"We'll take a 4th place on the ladder, over takining Tynelia and improving our position over the tournament. that's all there is to say. All the other teams are lowly, Krajkovia 4th in the BoF tournament and was in the idiotic Bazalope Region. Bothen didn't achieve very much at all and QuakeMyBush is totally new to the World Cup scene expect easy wins against all these nations that most likely don't even know what a football is." - Charles

"So is there anything else related to the World Cup?" - Darwin

"Well, yes infact there has been another update to the Unofficial World Cup Blood Bath. Praying2God national team has been modified as a team that un-intentionally helps the heroes of the Atheistic Right Archeopteri against the murderous monks and general religious wackos of the Archregimancy. Tynelia is now a nation that immpedes the Archepteri, what no one knows until to late is that they are on the Archregimancies payroll. More news about the Unofficial World Cup Bloodbath can be found at it's website. www.uwcbb.co.ar" - Charles

"I certainly have my copy and what a great game it is too."

"Unfortunately that is all we have time for. I am Charles." - Charles

"And I am Darwin. Remember Football AR Edition, the only surviving football news in Atheistic Right."

National team coach Paco Antequera has had a very prudent reaction with the WC29 group in which Northern Caesarea will prove its readiness to qualify for the final phase of the competition. "We have strong and difficult rivals, and our team hasn't proved nothing in its last international competitions", said Antequera, very dissapointed with the poor perfomance of the "Tricolor Fury" in WC28, Cup of Harmony and Euskocup.

About the rivals, the national coach says that Fmjphoenix is a very strong team. "No doubt it will be at WC29 final phase. Schiavonia has won the last Cup of Harmony very easily. Chuck Norris defeated us in that competition and Vuam and Isma has a lot of potential too. The other 3 teams are almost unknown for me. I'm looking for videos and useful information about them".

The team has suffered big changes. Antequera has given the chance to experienced players, keeping some young stars of the former team at home enjoying an extra holiday. "Our new team has plenty of players who have lived all sorts of victories, defeats, difficult times. I think it will be very helpful in a competition like the World Cup.

Venues for the WC29 matches

Matchday 4

Northern Caesarea vs Warrior Treblah
Al Azahara Stadium (Azahara) 20.000

Matchday 5

Northern Caesarea vs Fmjphoenix
Estadio Nacional (Azaña) 180.000

Matchday 6

Northern Caesarea vs Schiavonia
Estadio Nacional (Azaña) 180.000

Matchday 7
Nothern Caesarea vs Vuan and Isma
Nou Estadi (Berenguer) 150.000

Matchday 8
Northern Caesarea vs Mr. Chuck Norris
Nou Estadi (Berenguer) 150.000

Matchday 9
Northern Caesarea vs Zychibastan
Estadio David Alcácer (Gamazo) 60.000

Matchday 10
Northern Caesarea vs Risa-Aramour
Txoriko Kiroldegi (Arana) 40.000

Nenad Silbermann put a sheet of paper on Lorenzo Thomas’s desk, right next to the necessarily oversized “Chief Executive Officer, Capitalizt Sports Leadership and Numismatic Intervention” plaque.

Thomas: What’s this?

Silbermann: Our World Cup team’s qualifying schedule.

Thomas: That’s a lot of blanks.

Silbermann: It’s the best we could do.

Thomas: So how are we going to show up for these matches?

Silbermann: We might not. Read the note at the bottom.

Stadium Location Capacity
MD01: vs Good Happiness JPL Paladin Stadium Port Lusambo 128 400
MD02: at Oliverry Dôme de Saint-François Saint-François 134 421
MD03: vs Adam Island Anaphase Alchemy Stadium Sonoma Center 73 918
MD04: vs The Lowland Clans Capitalizm 유포 161 803
MD05: at Collonie *
MD06: at Mrkvejnia *
MD07: at Danskmark *
MD08: at Good Happiness *
MD09: vs Oliverry Sokojito Überdome 소코지토 도시 400 552
MD10: at Adam Island *
MD11: at The Lowland Clans *
MD12: vs Collonie Cliff Broquard Stadium Commerce Heights 135 000
MD13: vs Mrkvejnia Auswärtssieg Arena Natestadt 127 202
MD14: vs Danskmark Orange–Green Bowl Aeropag 107 596

*For some strange reason, the six teams we’re playing on our six-out-of-seven-
game away run have all neglected to inform us of what stadium we will be
playing at. It’ll be their fault if we can’t find the stadium and miss the
match.

New Stadium not ready

Despite a rapid round the clock effort by Tynelian workers, the new soccer stadium, to be known as the Sun Stadia, being built in the town of Varrik along the coast will not be finished in time for the World Cup. Planned to be even larger than the Presidential Coliseum as a result of the rise of interest in this sport in Tynelia, the 65,000 seat stadium is still a few months from completion to the disappointment of President Martins who hoped to spread out the Cup play beyond the capital. Bad weather early in the year set the construction behind schedule and though a month has been made up it was too little too late for WC29.

"We'll be ready for WC30 i guarentee it." President Martins assured the country in a national address on the subject. "In fact the people of Damak are already planning to enlarge their own stadium over the next couple of years which could very well give us three venues to host our home matches next time."

All Tynelian home matches will therefore be held in the Presidential Coliseum once again, where 50,000 Tynelian Towel waving fans will be on hand to cheer their team onto the World Cup Proper.

HK: Harry Kool (Jeruselem coach)
RK: Rachel Kool or Goldstein (wife of HK and JGN reporter for the WC29)

...

HK: You got those DVDs yet?
RK: Only for Arridia and Wentland. Ditto for those other teams for some reason
HK: Never mind, I need only those two.
RK: Hey, there's a Debbie does Dallas DVD here
HK: Not my idea. Maybe it belongs to Debbie Dallas?
RK: Or someone's idea of a prank
HK: There's enough clowns in this team already
RK: Not my idea. Don't need porn to plant funny ideas in my head
HK: I know that already. Anyway what do we do with this?
RK: I'll keep it
HK: You've got bigger porn collection than my brother
RK: It's not big enough
HK: You're a weird wife
RK: Hey, you say Yes
HK: I know

"Wotcher, boss."

"Eh." Satan didn't even raise his eyes from the copy of Hustler he was flipping through as Morseley, manager of the official football side from Hell, walked into the room.

"World Cup 29 time, boss."

"Eh."

"You don't sound too thrilled."

"It's starting to grind on me like a drunken succubi. It felt good for a bit but after a while it just starts to drag. What's up now?"

"Here's the group draw."

Squornshelous (5)
Dance 2 Revolution (30)
Anathematic Republics (48)
Rorysville (73)
Sativaville (121)
Marceau State (152)
Horzel (205)
Sarvoski (NR)

"Any familiar faces, Morseley?"

"D2R beat in a Cup of Harmony a while ago."

"Ah."

"But other than that, niet. Blank slate. We'll do fine, boss."

"If you say so."

"Oh yeah, the stadium you ordered built as an attachment to Pandemonium is complete. Seats 25000. We'll stage an inaugural orgy before our home opener against Marceau State."

"Marceau State?"

"More French Canadiens."

"Just what we need, dang it."

OOC: This was totally not a double post. Not a chance. Go away now, read the next post.

http://i57.photobucket.com/albums/g237/Zanziik/TFNlogo.png
Sturmkrieger to host Terminators!

Tinsuvilian Football United announced earlier today that the national Sturmkrieger plan to host Group 8 leader Liverpool England for an international friendly as a prelude to World Cup 29 qualifying. The match is planned to be held in New Reichsburg Stadium (http://www.news24.com/Images/Photos/20040506160534SoccerCity_Joburg.jpg), the hosting stadium of two home qualifying matches for World Cup 29.

This announcement comes in tandem with the revealing of the Sturmkrieger kits (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=11177040&postcount=10) for World Cup 29, and it is believed that the team will sport them for the friendly. Asked about the upcoming match and his infamous tantrums in the past, Sturmkrieger keeper Dieter Rovage had this to say:

"My actions in the past are just that, in the past. Maturity is one of the defining aspects of my position, and World Cup 28 was one of inexperience, foolishness, and immaturity on my part. I have grown much in the past year, and am ready to prove it in this match. My problems with (Sturmkrieger Manager) Adler Baldwin have been resolved, and I am prepared to bring the World Cup to Tinsuvilia's hungrey fans."

It is uncertain whether Rovage's statements are true, however, and it is widely believed that his performance and maturity in the upcoming friendly will influence Baldwin's final decision before World Cup 29 begins.

We look forward to see what's ahead:


http://www.geocities.com/becquerelia/images/spammanianplijous.gif Spaamanian Plijous____at____Becqurelia http://www.geocities.com/becquerelia/images/becquerelia.gif


HERE WE GO
The Black Cats Prepare For World Cup Qualifying


Roentgen (JNS) - The players are rested and ready, the coaches have their game plan laid out and scouting completed as much as possible, the stadium is sold out, and another World Cup qualifying attempt is upon us.

"It's exciting. It really is. I mean, it's exciting as a fan, but as a coach? Even more so." were the words of a ebulent Head Coach Mark Crescentini at a pre-game press conference. "We've covered everything we needed to cover, we feel confident about our plans, everything is right on track."

Assisstant Coach Peter Constantine appears to be adjusting well to his new role with the team. "I'd love to still be out there, but I've accepted the fact that I'm not as young as I used to be. We're not all Mark Zendar's, able to play well-nigh forever, with no drop off in ability. But I'm glad I can contribute in at least some way."

In a bit of a surprise decision, Head Coach Crescentini gave his entire team the day off after a very short run-through practice in the morning.

"We've got a long qualifying effort ahead of us, and we aren't going to have many chances for breaks," explained Crescentini. He continued, "We've gone through everything we can go through already. A cram session right before the test isn't going to do us any good. Best to let them chill out."

The players different versions of chilling out, however. For instance, Gregory Conveniencia planned to spend the day playing video games. Specifically, World Cup Football 29.

Said Convencia: "I play that game all the time. It's a good way to put the stuff we're doing in practice into a real-life, video game situation. I've played Spaamanian Plijous about 10 times now, and we haven't lost once. I got a hat-trick in the last one, actually. In the video game."

The game will be held in Roentgen's Phaeton Stadium, and will be broadcast live on the Centrifuge Sports Network nationwide.

Liverpool England warmup for qualifiers nicely
Liverpool England have kicked off their long run-up to World Cup 29 with a friendly 7-1 away drubbing of Tinsuvilia. Tinsuvilia had taken a shock 7th-minute lead through Kavelt, but Liverpool England struck back with 7 second-half goals to win a one-sided match.

Tinsuvilia 1 (Kavelt 7)
Liverpool England 7 (Sunderland 46, 49, 71, Carrero 55, Langer 60, 67, 88)

At home for the first match. The King's Reach Tower stadium in Fleetway. A magnificent stadium for a quintessentially rubbish third division outfit. But a megalomaniac owner with a penchant for whimsy.

Tommy Barnes had been discussing matters with Ginger Collins, his assistant and fellow striker. Mahaliastan were not much of a threat, they agreed, and a win should be fairly routine. So the easy way to get the non-Crow players on their side was to play them all. Ginger agreed to break it to the Crowhurst mob.

So the starting line-up was a fairly conventional 4-5-1. The idea was to get the wingers to push up to make it 4-3-3 on occasion, with Weston as an advanced midfielder when the wingers were not overlapping.

The first problem Barnes had to deal with was with Frankie Treves. "Why have I been given the number 7?"

"Because it was in team order. What's wrong with 7?"

"I always wear number 8. Lucky number."

Tommy Barnes therefore arranged for a number swap. Tom Devey took the number 7 and Joe Weston went to the now-vacant number 10.

Treves was pleased. Maybe this won't be so bad after all.

Barnes was pleased. His ruse had worked and Treves was happy.

1. ROBINSON David - goalkeeper
2. EAGER David - right-back
3. JARVIS Raymond - left-back
4. BATESON Mike - centre-half
5. NEWTON Leonard - centre-half*
7. DEVEY Thomas - left-wing
8. TREVES Francis - centre-forward
9. EDMUNDS John - - centre-midfield*
10. WESTON Joseph - centre-midfield
11. KENT Cosmo - right-wing
13. LAWRENCE William - centre-midfield

* = international debut

http://i57.photobucket.com/albums/g237/Zanziik/TFNlogo.png
One Is The Loneliest Number!

1 goal, 1 half lead, 1 game lost, 1 keeper completely lost. It was an... amusing... match.

When Jeri Kavelt scored, the crowd went wild. Seven minutes in and the home team lead 1-0. Fourty-five minutes could not change that. Then came the second half.

Heads exploding at the thought of a win against their group leader, the Sturmkrieger left New Reichsburg Stadiums pitch at half time up 1-0. This ecstacy could not, and would not last. Over and over the Terminators terminated, goal after goal flew past Dieter Rovage, with two Terminators earning hattricks, and even the keeper joining the deathfest. This fourth goal was more than Rovage could handle, and his trademark "cured" immaturity spewed forth.

Jumping into the stands, Rovage found and went to the nearest Liverpool England fan, like a moth to the flame. Obviously delusional, Rovage proceeded to urinate on the Liverpool England flag that he had torn from the fan's hands while singing the national anthem at the top of his lungs. This incident resulted in the immediate ejection of Rovage and also lead to a later press conference, where a not-too-unexpected announcement was made by Sturmkrieger manager Adler Baldwin:

"Dieter has proven once again that he is nothing more than an immature child with excellent hands. It is with no regret that I announce the Sturmkrieger disassociation with him and hereby renounce his position on this squad. Imre Keller will start our games from herein."

Dieter Rovage was unavailable for comment, but it sure is lonely to be the one keeper kicked off the squad.

It's also lonely for Liverpool England at the top. Group 8 looks to be a slugfest.

The location looks like a psychiatry, at least judged by the amount of incoherent screaming and shouting. However, it is not. It's just a normal day at the offices, those of the Asene Sekhika Rejistaniha, the rejistani soccer association, to be exact. Why the insanity? well, two reasons, first of all: the Cup is starting and the opening match Karela Lines vs Ikaru Nita~eda is quite exciting. The System Karelan striker who plays for Nita~eda had some chances (since he knows how to fight a karelan defense from his H1SSK time). However, those, who are not glued in front of the TV add to the insanity by reading the group draw, which just came in via email. The reactions to the group 7, in which the Orange-Blues are located are like this:
"Snub nose 38point1? Didn't we defeat them on home soil in WC13?" - "No, that was Snub Nose 38, no idea where Snub Nose 38.1 comes from..." - "From Snub Nose 38.1!" - "Smartass!" - "You provoked that!"
"Tecpatl? I fear the worst for that away game... they sound like an andian team and most likely their home ground will be located in great heights over sea level" - "Like in Ecuador?" - "There is no Ecuador in NationStates!" - "Sorry, forgot about that!"
"Dorian and Sonya?? Will that be Dorian or Sonya? Or 2 nations?" - "Look into the wiki!"
"No, these are stoneage-ish people who kill their own food!" - "This means transportation on horseback?!?" - "Apparently!"
"Sar... What in the name of defense?!?!?!" - "Sarzonia is in our group, yeah!" - "group of death, su?" - "Nah, 2 teams go through. if it'd be one, there'd be pogo in Togo!" - "Togo? That's from this game called RL?" - "Yeah, I mean, the story of that game sucks, but the graphics..." - "Indeed!"

Group 7
Rejistania (8)
Sarzonia (18)
Kericia (47)
Dorian and Sonya (61)
Kelse (97)
Tecpatl (152)
Aigosthena (181)
Snub nose 38point1 (NR)

The venues:
MD1: Rejistania vs Snub nose 38point1 @Estadije TAHAI!
MD2: Rejistania vs Sarzonia @Estadije Ines Karela Lines
MD4: Rejistania vs Dorian and Sonya @Estadije Sike Veran
MD10: Rejistania vs Kericia @Estadije Hetkali Hetaki
MD12: Rejistania vs Kelse @Estadije Xkora
MD13: Rejistania vs Tecpatl @Estadije Na~ovi Nanti
MD14: Rejistania vs Aigosthena @Estadije Jinhes Lines

http://bellsouthpwp.net/h/a/harleyt_1387/bsd_banner.png

Bedistan strikers show their stuff

THE LOWLAND CLANS -- With World Cup qualifying approaching fast, the Bedistan Football Association decided to accept a friendly proposal from their counterparts in the Lowland Clans to help the Lions get warmed up for Group 15 action. With both Bedistan and the Lowland Clans starting qualifying off with home matches and the two nations bordering each other, any venue would have worked, but the two football associations decided to play the game in TLC.

Bedistan's starting eleven consisted mostly of players that are expected to start in the most important matches: Issah in goal; Juniënta, Crowley, and Endruweit on defense; Alansa, Jackson, Law, and Harrison at midfield; and Salas, Wilson, and Polo on attack. Harrison was in for Tanner Diamond primarily due to the latter's minor injury, and striker Saturio Polo started the match in lieu of attacking midfielder and World Cup 27/28 team captain Leonard Hollins.

Both teams came out with plenty of fire, and it didn't take Jonathan Kavanagh long to open the scoring, putting the TLC Stars up one-nil just four minutes in. Bedistan, as always, demonstrated their superb midfield play and managed to control most of the first half after that, and Felicity Wilson reversed the lead with two goals of her own, putting the Lions up 2-1 going into halftime.

Plenty of substitutions were made during halftime to give more Bedistanis a chance to play, including new callups Timothy Watson and Gavin Holmes. Holmes quickly proved his worth by sending a beautiful ball into the six-yard box that Polo headed in for 3-1 in the 50th minute. From both sides, ball after ball went into the appropriate net, with neither Vailatai Issah nor Darien Santander having much luck at keeping a clean sheet. By the time the dust settled, the Lions wound up on top with six goals to the Clans' three.

"I'm proud of the strikers, definitely," said Lions manager Kenter Surf. "It's definitely a good sign going into the Nikea match, because we're not fooled by the lack of ranking - we've seen them in action before, not personally, but on videos and such. I think we're gonna come out with a bang, which'll get the fans behind us and keep us motivated all the way through."

finalscore
The Lowland Clans 3 (Kavanagh 4, Bloudin 64, Daganopoulis 69)
Bedistan 6 (Wilson 17, 40; Polo 50, 55; Hollins 78; Salas 85)

Elven Times
Marauders Provide Excitement in Tune Up

Yesterday evening the Marauders took on the Premier League Champions, the Raynor City Rockers, in a tune up before qualifying starts today. The match showed off the Marauders decisive strikers. The Rockers had to go with a make-shift line up with several key players for the Rockers are on the Marauders. Still, the match proved to be quite entertaining and gives a positive outlook for the Marauders, despite their tough group.

The Marauders got off to a quick start with Collins stealing the ball at midfield, and lobbing a pass for Zacharius. Zacharius chested it down, and then turned his defender, made a move on goal, and then dished the ball off to Night who made her run and slid in to put it in the bottom left corner.

Fifteen minutes later, it was Night who was making her way on goal when Rocker defender Shane Dower tackled her from behind just inside the penalty box. Referee Cobi Jones awarded Night the penalty who had no problem netting it in past Faci Greenwell.

As the first half dwindled down, the Rockers made a serious attack, passing well and evading the Marauders defenders. Just as Justin Farmer got past Liliam, Titenburg came in a took the ball off his feet and cleared the ball away as the ref signaled the end of the half.

As the second half got underway, Harden Swent for Marsha Stone. Just 10 minutes into the half, Swent made his presence felt by whistling one past the right post. The play really got clogged down until the 81st minute, when a clear by Kries sprung free Zacharius who had a clear path on goal. He charged in and fiegned a shot the made Greenwell buckle, and lobbed it into the net to give the Marauders a comfortable lead late in the game. The game ended with St Louis making a great save on what seemed a certain goal by Justin Farmer.

Stats
Fouls
17 - EM
13 - RCR

Bookings
0 - EM
0 - RCR

Shots
14 - EM
7 - RCR

Possesion
57% - EM
43% - RCR

Corners
5 - EM
3 - RCR

Goals
Night (9') EM
Night (26') EM Penalty
Zacharius (81) EM

The Marauders travel to Audioslavia today in their first Qualfying game. The game will be broadcasted on ESN live, as well as ESN Radio.

Article by Ron Santapa

Consider yourselves offically cut off! Scores (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showthread.php?t=488799)!

VirginiaNova 8
MountainSea1

In the final tune up game before the gloriuos World Cup,Virginia Nova played regional rival Mountainsea and won 8-1. Certanly the Eagles aren't regretting it;but MS may be.

The game was played in the Star Marine Fuels Dome in New Virginia Beach. For the game coach Harry Reneldi decided to play a surprisingly attacking 6-2-2 instaed of of the traditional defensive 5O5D*. When asked why Reneldi replied " indoor footbal,whether association or arena,has alway favored a faster attacking style." the game got underway at 4:04pm. and by 4:05 Virginia Nova had scored. A Jimmy Hellios goal had given the eagles an advantage only 48 seconds in to the game. a little later in the half Adam Neppi,who plays for took a pass from Harold Freemont and scored on a header. The next goal was scored by a Mountainsean who manged to get one passed Alex Potter. the next four goals were scored by Helliosas he easly scored at will verses the MS goalie. After Hellios was pulled and replaced by Ken Boles. as soon as he got in Boles managed to get pass three defenders and score within the first two minute of his time on the Eagles Squad. the final goal was scored by Jeff Sanderson.




*5O5D is our national formation. It is 5 forwards 2 defensive midfielders 3 Defenders. The middies are taought play defensive and have sometime the defender spot.

Consider yourselves offically cut off! Scores shortly.

Damn just missed it:mad:

EDIT: WHO CARES I WON ANYWAY :P

FORZA WORLD CUP PREVIEW - GRUPPO 6

CURSTIRIRA/KIRSTIRIERA: Another good chance of a few points here.

DICUBANIA/DICUBAN: Unknowns and our best chance of points.

ISOLO JARNOSSO/IANSISLE: We hear they used to be great; possible dark horses.

MOLVANIA/MOLVANIA: Could go anywhere - perhaps a win and a draw...

GENTI CAZZUI/KAZOO PEOPLES: First test for the men in blue.

NEDALIA/NEDALIA: A big side looking to be in the finals. Can the Ozelans be a spoiler?

OZZELIA/OZZELIA: Double figures of points should be achievable for us in this group.

TAGICCISTAN/TADJIKISTAN: Best team in the group. A draw would be heaven for the Wolves.

"Green Wombats sit on Ball" by Nev Gould

In an inspired game of tactics and a rare defensive lapse by Andrew Creek let the Green Wombats score an early goal. Gregory Henderson in the 6th minute went attacking up the left wing. When he was challenged by Andrew Creek... not only did Andrew faileld to tackle the left forward winger but tripped himself up. leaving Gregory full access to the goal, well appart from the goalie Jeffery Constantine, but the ball went just out of his reach however has he divede for it trying to prevent it going into the top left corner of the net.

About 29 minutes into the match the Bazalopes scored the equaliser Peter Hobble setting up Michael Irchov to score from the wing. The attack caught the Green Wombat defense napping. There was another couple of potential goals that where just wide or too high for the Bazalopes and the half-ended 1-all

The first half was an attacking half by both sides... but this half was a defensive half... The Green Wombats not attempting to loose posetion of the ball. There where instances where goals where made but Sonia Sögard, the Arridian referee for the Match called Peter Hobble off-side and gave the ball back to the Wombats. off course the Bazalopes didn't like the call but in the replay backed up the referee's decision evenif it was by the slimest of margins.

And there we have it a surprise draw against Green Wombat. The match ended up in a 1-1 all draw against the Green Wombats. Other matches in the tournament of not... unranked Bostopia pulled the upset of the group drawing against 1st seed and team ranked 3rd in the world Liverpool England. Next matchday the Bazalopes face a team from the Bazalope Region of the BoF Benlangngdo.

Virginia Nova 4
Harlesburg3


Nova Richmond-Ukrops stadium was filled up to it's brimm yesterday as Virginia Nova made it's WC29 Opener at home aginst Harlesburg winning 4-3. te game got under way and as thetune-up game against Mountainsea went; The Eagles scored with in a minute of regultation. Forward Jeffsanderson scored on a fluke hookshot goal. rougly 20 minute later a Harlesburg defender stole the ball from captian Jimmy Hellios and took off the would eventualy get to a Forward who would score tying it up 1-1. This would be the score at half. Early in the second half a Harlesburg forward look toscore a goal when he tripped on his footing. this gave defender Sam Iem a chance to get the ball.Iem passed it to Hellios.Hellios passed to Yarr. Yarr passed to back to Hellios who passed it to Dan Judd who scored on a header to make it 2-1. harlesburg answered quickly to tie it at 2 bu the eagles quiclky responded to make it 3-2 The Eagles then scored a fourth goal on a Dan Judd kick of a penelty Herlesburg would score again but it wasn't enough as VN won the game 4-3.

THE ARCHREGIMANCY BRINGS YOU

WORLD CUP TONIGHT

With Fr. Nicholas the Scribe and Fr. John the Golden-Throated


"So.... Fr. John.... another World Cup underway!"

"It's about time, Fr. Nicholas. And after co-hosting the last tournament, I'm sure a lot of monastic football fans - at least those not undergoing lonely vigils in the desert or starving themselves in Arctic hermitages - will be looking forward to the cut and thrust of the qualifying tournament."

"Where, for the first time ever, we find ourselves as the top seeds in the group!"

"God be praised, Fr. Nicholas - though as you pointed out in your own qualification preview, surely this makes us ripe for a humiliating, yet soul-strengthening, failure to qualify"

"And what about the Archregimancy being named Official Provider of Holy Icons to World Cup 29, Fr. John?"

"It seems to have ruffled a few feathers, but none from nations we need to worry about. I thought it was a fine move by Casari, and has done more to encourage Orthodox goodwill towards at least some Catholic schismatics than any number of belated Papal apologies for the Fourth Crusade.

Incidentally, with the Mother of God, Bringer of Victory being used as the Official Tournament Holy Icon, the Monastic Football Association has been forced to find a different Holy Icon for our own team, and I can exclusively announce here on World Cup Tonight that they've selected:

The Venerable and God-bearing Father Anthony the Great, Father of Monasticism (http://i14.photobucket.com/albums/a319/vakraas/Anthony.jpg)

Though I understand that the Theotokos - rather than St. Anthony - will still be paraded before the team prior to each home match, as has become traditional"

"And a football match.... wasn't there a football match last night, Fr. John?"

"Indeed there was, though not one I see any real need to devote considerable time to, given that it was an easy 2-0 win over unranked debutants Iaukea.

We opened the scoring in the 15th minute with this chip over the keeper by Fr. Basil the Faster - for whom a pre-tournament diet of grass and water has kept him in fine fettle - after some exquisite approach work.

In the 25th minute Fr. Basil completed the scoring with his second, this time from a penalty following this cynical foul from the Iaukea defender. The failure to show a red card for what was a terrible two-footed lunge by the last defender can only be put down to the haze of fragrant smoke clouding the view of Sativaville referee Larry Storch, whom I understand is legally blind anyway. On the basis of that decision, Storch should seriously consider praying to the Lord for a miracle cure of an affliction that one would normally consider somewhat serious for a referee. But at least he gave a penalty, and Fr. Basil tucked it away himself.

After that, with the win assured, the team pulled back, controlled the ball, and sat on its two goal cushion. Not pretty, but effective enough."

"A solid start then, Fr. John?"

"Solid enough - no point in peaking too early. But I understand there were some curious results in our own group, Fr. Nicholas?"

"Absolutely Fr. John.... Look no further than Milchama 2:2 Third England, with the group second seeds failing to beat the 7th seeds at home. The third seeds struggled too, with the result ending Chicanada 3:2 Tessan, and I'm sure many of us will wait a match report on that one with some interest. The heathen excelites' match went more or less to form, though: Kaze Progressa 1:0 East Lithuania"

"Any other interesting results?"

"Look no further than groups 5, 12 and 8, where top seeds all failed to beat group bottom seeds at home. Extraordinary stuff. At least Liverpool England didn't lose in their 2-2 draw with Bostopia. But TotalnUtter Insanity were shocked 1-0 by Carlitistia and - in a result that will warm all Orthodox hearts - PrayingFalsely2God were humiliated 1-0 by Quakmybush!"

"I've said it before, and I'll say it again Fr. Nicholas.... Heresy simply doesn't pay...."

[Swift] Thanks, Barry! Yes, we’re here in a beautiful stadium in Liverpool England, for Bostopia’s first ever World Cup qualification game! As you can see, the teams are in the tunnel, Steven Serring leading out the Bostopian side, and Adam Carrero leading out Liverpool England to the pitch.

[Stadium Announcer] Ladies and Gentlemen, please stand for the national anthem of Liverpool England.

The crowd raises, as ‘Liverpool England Glorious and Wonderful’ plays. The end of the anthem is greeted with applause from all sides of the stadium.

[Announcer] And now, please stay standing for the national anthem of Bostopia!

A cheer goes up from the away section of the crowd, and the Bostopian anthem, ‘Stand Strong Bostopia’ plays. As it ends, there is again much applause.

[Swift] Let’s hope that will be the first of many times we hear that this tournament! With me in the commentary booth is of course, Neil Roberts, Neil, what do you think Bostopia’s chances are tonight?

[Roberts] Hello everybody, well, it’s going to be a tough game tonight, Liverpool England are ranked 3rd in the World, and they’ll surely give Bostopia a good match!

[Swift] Indeed they will Mark. Bostopia to kickoff! Frank Mirring passes to Jamie Trent, and we’re underway!

--3rd Minute—

[Roberts] Bostopia are starting strongly here…they’re playing like they have nothing to loose, which is absolutely correct!

[Swift] Virik on the ball now for Bostopia, halfway inside his own half. He attempts the pass to Willis but it’s been cut out by Sunderland! Sunderland now bearing down on Bostopia’s goal, he’s got Langer to his right, he plays it forward for him into the penalty area…no, he’s played it too long, and the ball’s easily picked up by Dave Kripp in the Bostopian goal. Kripp now, he kicks the ball out upfield, and it’s chested down by Serring. Serring plays the ball right to Reppon…who charges down the right flank, he’s got past McCray, and Houser’s coming out toward Reppon! Oh Reppon with a wonderful jink past Houser there, he’s into the area with a cross looking for Trent on the penalty spooooooooooooooooooot! IT’S IN! TRENT WITH A WONDERFUL HEADER INTO THE TOP LEFT CORNER! BOSTOPIA GO ONE NIL UP IN THE 5TH MINUTE!

[Roberts] What a lethal header, it had the power and precision to make sure Carrero wouldn’t get there!

[Swift] Great play there by Reppon on the right, and Bostopia are making a flying start to the game! Just look at the Bostopian fans, they’re going wild!

--18th Minute—

[Swift] Here’s Otte with the ball now for Liverpool England, he comes forward with a run through the centre of midfield. He passes the ball left to Tsai, who’s spotted Taliaferro open on the right! Taliaferro now, Otte’s made some space for himself near the edge of the area…Taliaferro’s spotted him and with a cutting pass the ball’s now at Otte’s feet, who shooooooooooooooots! Equaliser! It’s Liverpool England 1 – 1 Bostopia!

[Roberts] Wonderfully worked goal! He’s put that straight into the bottom left corner, and there was no way any goalkeeper in the world could have got down and across to that unless he was already on that post! Bostopia can’t become complacent and put their heads down now, they took an early lead from great play and need to re-adjust now, it’s practically nil-nil again, they need to work hard.

--36thrd Minute—

[Swift] Mirring with the ball charging at the Liverpool England defense now…he’s took it past one defender…and Thompson’s slid in there, he’s took the ball but…Mirring could be hurt! Let’s take a look at the replay…

[Roberts] It was a fair tackle, no studs showing but…look at the way Mirring lands on that ankle! That doesn’t look good.

[Swift] Well, our Sarzonian referee, Nurayev has let the Bostopian physio on, but Mirring’s obviously in some pain, it looks like even the treatment isn’t doing him much good!

[Roberts] He’s going to have to come off, and yes, he is, Roger Pinton’s warmed up, and he’s stripped down to his kit…yeah, up goes the official’s board and Mirring’s being stretchered off, with Pinton coming on to replace him.

[Swift] 31 year old Roger Pinton, playing for Monham United, earning his 43rd cap, and hoping to improve on a 21 goal rating, is coming on.


Half Time

Liverpool England 1 – 1 Bostopia

--Studio--

[Barry] Welcome back. If you’re just joining us, Bostopia went ahead in the 4th minute thanks to a Jamie Trent header, but Liverpool England equalised in the 18th minute. More bad news though I’m afraid, it appears that Mirring has sprained his ankle, and should be out for at least 4 weeks.

[Williams] It’s a major blow isn’t it? Mirring’s 21, with 9 goals in 14 games, and you’ve had to bring him off injured at the start of the qualifiers. Bostopia have the backup, but Mirring has that extra spark about him, he IS the Bostopian spirit in a tin can of a footballer…
[Gregg] And Frank says that as an outsider! It’s completely true though. But, Bostopia will get a point if the game stays like this, so let’s just hope it stays that way.

[Moore] I’ll second that one.

[Barry] The teams are coming back out onto the field, let’s go back to Mark Roberts, but first, Neil Swift!

--60th Minute--

[Swift] Liverpool England are certainly pressing in the first 15 minutes of this half, just look at that stat, sixteen shots on goal compared to Bostopia’s 5! Although you’ve got to give credit to Dave Kripp in goal, for only letting in one, and to be fair, it was a belter of a shot.

[Roberts] That it was.

[Swift] The ball’s gone out of play for a throw-in, and it looks like Kevin Ferring’s getting ready to make his remaining two changes. Rob Kripp’s coming off for Victor Triff, a defensive player out on the left of midfield, and Pinton’s coming off too? He’s only been on twenty five minutes!

[Roberts] But he is limping slightly, he must have picked up a knock…

[Swift] Yes that’s true Mark. He’s being replaced by number 10, Paul Finbarr, a defensive midfielder. So, Bostopia move to a 4 – 5 – 1, with Jamie Trent the lone striker.

[Roberts] They’re playing for a point now. Smart move I think by Ferring.

--78th Minute--

[Swift] Bostopia’s defence is working valiantly here to try and keep out the Liverpool England attack! This is Virik, he passes the ball out of defense toward Finbarr, who goes to collect it and slips! Langer’s picked up the ball, and strides toward the Bostopian defense, and knocks a simple pass left for Clapperrrrrrrrrr! It’s in! A strike from Clapper into the top right corner, it’s 2 – 1 Liverpool England, and Bostopia’s dream has got to be over.

[Roberts] It’s a shame Neil, it really is, Bostopia were holding out well there, and it came about from a slip as well, so unlucky for Finbarr, he must be killing himself inside.

--89th Minute--

[Swift] The fourth official has signalled 3 minutes added on.

[Roberts] That’s enough time for anything in football!
--91:54--

[Swift] Drean picks the ball up on the left after a hoofed clearance by Carrero. Drean plays the ball forward, Finbarr collects it this time, and plays the pass right to Reppon, can we see more magic now? Reppon goes forward, but is dispossessed by McCray. A bad pass there from McCray, and Serring picks up the ball halfway inside Liverpool England’s half…there’s pressure coming at him, Serring with the shot from forty yardssssssssssssss! SAVED! Carrero’s parried it! And it’s cleared behind for a Bostopian corner!

[Roberts] There’s Dave Kripp, the goalie! Even he’s coming up, Bostopia have nothing to loose now, they’re throwing everyone up!

[Swift] Steven Serring to take the corner for Bostopia on the left hand side. The home fans are doing everything to put him off! Serring delivers the ball into the area, it’s met by Dave KRIPPPPPPPPP! Straight at Carrero but he can’t hold onto it, and it’s fell to the feet of Jamie TREEEEEEEEEEEEEEENT! IT’S IN! BOSTOPIA TWO LIVERPOOL ENGLAND TWO! THEY’VE DONE IT! IN THE THE DYING MOMENTS!

[Roberts] You don’t care how an equaliser this late comes, it was nearly from the goalie but the mêlée on the goal line has found Jamie Trent hoofing the ball into the back of the net, and rightfully there’s pandemonium in the stands!

[Swift] Well, Liverpool England want to get the game going quickly, but that goal was scored at 92:53, there’s no way they can do anything now!

[Roberts] No, it’s too late for 3 points now, the referee will blow the whistle as soon as they kick off.

[Swift] Well, the Bostopian players are finally back on their side of the pitch, and there’s the kickoff and yes, the final whistle! Bostopia have made history in their first World Cup qualifier! The final score, Liverpool England 2 – 2 Bostopia!

The cameras show the Bostopian fans jumping about manically in a sea of blue, white and red shirts, with a mass of flags being waved.

[Swift] Barry, a wonderful game, back to you in the studio!

[Carron] As Neil put it, yes, Bostopia has made history, and this HAS to be the upset of the group! Well, we have the results from the other games in, here they are. Bazalonia have drew one all at home to Green Wombat, Cataduanes have beaten Benlandngdo 4 – 0 at home, and Qazok have won at home also, with a 2 – 0 win over Tinsuvilla. Let’s show you how the Group 8 table looks now.

A graphic comes on showing the league table, with Bostopia sitting 4th.

[Carron] Bostopia there, sitting pretty in a mid-table position. We can go down to the scorer of both goals, Jamie Trent, who’s with Larry Peters in the tunnel.

[Peters] Jamie, a great performance, and a draw there that not many would have betted on, how can you sum up the game?

[Trent] It was an amazing game. To go up so early was a great feeling, and we thought we could win it, but you know, football happens, and they equalised. Their second goal in the 78th minute I think it was really knocked the wind out of us, but like I said, football happens and we got a corner in the last minute.

[Peters] What did you think when the ball landed at your feet with practically an open goal?

[Trent] I remember thinking ‘eh?’, and then instinct kicked in, and it was just a case of giving it an almighty whack to make sure that if it didn’t go straight in, and rebounded off someone it would hopefully go in or fall to anyone in a blue shirt.

[Peters] ‘Eh?’ I think sums up the feelings of the international football playing community at this very minute, and Jamie, you’ve won Man of the Match, voted for by the Bostopian public, here’s your trophy and champagne, and I’ll leave you to celebrating.

[Trent] Thanks!

[Peters] Back to the studio!

[Carron] Thank you Larry! We’re going for a break now, but come back afterwards to see the reaction back home, including the whole of this…

The TV shows pictures of Emperor Boston in his front room at Fort Boston Castle. The top-left corner of the screen is showing ‘ 92:43’…it reaches ’92:53’ and Boston jumps out of his seat, spilling beer over the Empress, and generally jumping up and down and shouting for a good minute and a half.

[Carron] Ok, see you after the break.

<The new name, new logo and new theme music appear on the TV screen>

"And welcome to Football AR Edition, I am Charles." - Charles

"And I am Darwin, tand this is The only surviving Football news show in Atheistic Right." - Darwin

"Let's go right into it, Today our Archepteri faced up against the Tynelian know-nothings and we showed our dominance over them. Winning at their home ground. Can it get any better than that? No way. - Charles

"Well.. let's get on to reporting the match... our first goal. IT was in the 23rd minute?" - Darwin

"Yes it was Darwin, let's take a look at the first goal..." - Charles

<Video of being shown>
Tynelian Allan MacDougal has the ball and is making his way towards the Archeopteri's defense... Bull charges the forward barely escaping a yellow card allowing elephant to storm through the defense... his bulk allowing him to ignore many people, he passes it to kangaroo who does an almightly lob kick finding Tasmanian Devil in the clear who round-houses it into the back of the net
<video ends>

"what a goal by Tassie Devil... Great shot." - Darwin

"And no onto the second goal... this one came out of no where...."

<Video of the ball being passed from Kangaroo to Fox... Hawk seemingly comes out of nowhere and steals the ball and streaks towards the goal, chipping the ball to the left of the keeper totally two-minded about which way to go. they went the wrong way.>


"And here is how Atheistic Right showed it's dominance this match and here is the table for our group." - Darwin


Name W D L GF GA GD Pts
Rordia 1 0 0 2 0 2 3
Atheistic Right 1 0 0 2 1 1 3
McPsychoville 1 0 0 2 1 1 3
Quakmybush 1 0 0 1 0 1 3
Bothen 0 0 1 1 2 -1 0
Tynelia 0 0 1 1 2 -1 0
Praying2God 0 0 1 0 1 -1 0
Krajkovia 0 0 1 0 2 -2 0


"That's all we have time for I believe. I'm Charles." - Charles

"And I'm Darwin and you have been watching Football AR Edition, The only surviving football news in Atheistic Right." - Darwin

The Hawks had taken the field at home, to a nearly sold out stadium of almost 85,000 fans, at the same time as the previously-unheard of Intyny team had taken the field. From the start, it seemed Haraki was on top of the game, playing the ball well in the midfield. They played it well but didn't seem to play offensively enough in the first half to make enough good scoring chances. The midfields handled the ball extraordinarily well, passing back and forth in the centre of the field looking for an opening, without finding one against the Intyny defence.

The first half was a scoreless affair, with a number of Intyny fouls against Harakian players. Matthew Thompson almost scored off a free kick from the edge of the penalty area at eight minutes in, but the Intyny keeper tipped it up and over the net for a corner kick, which Richard Weber almost scored off a header from, but hit it just high of the net.

The first half ended scorelessly, with many home fans disappointed at their team's performance in the first half. The offence was lacklustre, with only one real scoring chance. The second half, however, would prove more exciting. Mike Zendar took the kickoff, passing back to Richard Weber who passed back to Thomas Neils, and the two teams started a fierce midfield game with plenty of fouls to both sides. Eventually Richard Weber gave a quick free kick out to Mike Zendar, who was left with one defender, dribbled hsi way past, and kicked a high shot into the upper right hand corner of the net for Haraki's first goal.

Richard Weber almost landed another one in only ten minutes later when the midfields forced an aggressive offensive rush through a hole in the Intyny defence, but Julie Vern's pass up to him was deemed to be offside and disallowed, in a controversial decision sure to be the focus of several angry rants on sports blogs.

Intyny landed an equalizer at eighty-three minutes when Mark Stone was faked out by an offensive drive on his right-hand side only to have a pass across the net and a one-touch goal into the back of the net.

The Hawks tried their best to score a winning goal for the last ten minutes, with several nice attempts, but couldn't quite manage it, and the game ended a 1-1 draw. Not the best start to qualifying, but the Hawks' coach, Lloyd Vargas, was expected to have some hard offensive drills for the team before their next game in Audioslavia. Some critics, most notable the HNN's Rebecca Bristol, pointed out that if Haraki played the same way they played today, they wouldn't stand a chance in Audioslavia. The rabid fanboy Sam Sherman responded by saying it was just an off day and there was no chance on play like that again. Bristol, recalling a 3-0 loss against an unranked team during WC28 qualifying, said nothing.

Haraki 1 - Intyny 1

Zendar (53)
(83) Front-right Striker

The AwalKB Times
AWALKB SHOCKS LEGALESE IN 2-2 THRILLER

AWALK CITY, AwalKB -- The Sex Gods astounded the home crowd of Legalese as well as themselves today in a thrilling comeback on the familiar turf of Legalese.

The scoring opened up early in the 13th minute as a Legalese attacker broke the Sex God's offside's trap and made an easy chip past keeper Taylor Johnson. The Legalese squad continued to dominate through the first half and scoring in the 45th minute on a punt from the Legalese keeper which bounced over the head of the dumbfounded Johnson.

Coming into the second half the suprise return of Head Coach Alfred Flatt seemed to energize the shaky squad. With a suprising no substitutions for either squad, AwalKB took early possesion and scored in the 50th minute on a scramble in the box tapped in by forward Jon Calzone.

After the goal by Calzone the Legalese team seemed to pick up the pace again and come at the Sex God's in a more agressive manner in order to reaffirm their lead. However in the wavering minutes of the game they became somewhat relaxed and Sex God Midfielder Andrew Wilson bolted up the line and nutmegged the Legalese keeper to score the tying goal.

The astonished crown in Legalese fell completely silent, save the cheers of the AwalKB team on the field and quickly turned to boo's and shouts at the Sex God's calling them "slime" and "uncivilized barbarians" and many other angry comments reflecting feelings on the AwalKB Military-Legalese Police conflict at the conclusion of the Baptism of Fire.

Despite angry shouts from the crowd at the conclusion of the match, the AwalKB left the field proud and tall. "We came out there and showed the world what we're all about. No matter if the world, and our own nation thinks or expects of us, we'll show them we can do better," said Captain Andrew Wilson.

A bold statement considering this was only the squads first game out of a good 14 and wasn't even against the most competitive of teams.

The Sex God's are scheduled to face Harlesburg in the next Qualifying match in the AwalK City Tyrants Stadium, and expectations by most critics are just as low as before. "We got lucky," stated AwalKB critic and David Walsh, "the Legalese squad didn't expect the sprited second half our guys gave out, I'd be very suprised if the Harlesburg squad came out and did the same."

The remainder of the Sex God's schedule is as follows (home team first)

The Sex God's Qualifying schedule is as follows:

Match Day 1 - Legalese (49) 2-2 AwalKB (142)
MD2- AwalKB (142) vs. Harlesburg (66)
MD3- AwalKB (142) vs Virginia Nova (116)
MD4- Sexy Games (N/A) vs. AwalKB (142)
MD5- Spindomia (204) vs. AwalKB (142)
MD6- AwalKB (142) vs Starblaydia (2)
MD7- AwalKB (142) vs Bettia (22)
MD8- AwalKB (142) vs Legalese (49)
MD9- Harlesburg (66) vs AwalKB (142)
MD10- Virginia Nova (116) vs AwalKB (142)
MD11- AwalKB (142) vs Sexy Games (N/A)
MD12- AwalKB (142) vs. Spindomia (204)
MD13- Starblaydia (2) vs. AwalKB (142)
MD14- Bettia (22) vs. AwalKB (142)

The next game against Harlesburg should be a deciding factor in whether this new AwalKB squad will fair well in the rest of their matches. By Joe Lohos

Elven Sports Network
Current Show: Football Central

"Good evening ladies and gents, this is Jason Klien and my associates Richard Rios and Jennifer Sar. Today we will recap how the Marauders fared in their World Cup Qualfying Opener in Audioslavia.

Despite taking an early 2-0 lead, the Marauders defence wasn't up to par with the Audioslavia attack, and conceded four goals, for a final of 4-2. What went wrong for the Marauders tonight Richard?"

"Well I'm not quite sure Jason, the first half went so well for the Marauders. Going into the locker room up 2-1 against the 14th ranked team in the world and on their pitch, it should of provided some good vibes for the squad. But it seems just the oppisite happened as they came out in the second half and just got dominated. If it wasn't for the efforts of Titenburg and several stellar saves by St Louis, this game could of gotten real ugly real fast in the last 45."

"Well we have to be fair here boys, we wern't exactly expecting a victory here, and it showed. Sure Zacharius and Night got goals in the first twenty, but it just seemed like the squad didn't put any effort into the game after that. It was as if they were expecting Audioslavia to lay over and play dead, and you don't get to 14th in the world by doing that. Florintine is going to have to explain to the squad that they have to finish what they start if they hope to do well. Now lets take a look at those goals by the Marauders."

*Camera Switches from Studio to Highlights*
11th Minute
Here is Stone coming down the left side. Oh look at that move she put on Alavarez, I've never seen her pull that off before. Collins is making a run into the penalty area and Stone puts it right on his feet just outside Scuro's reach. Here comes Petäjä trying to close him down, and he gets the ball to Zacharius, GOALLLLLLLLLLLLLLLL!!!!!
Did you see that shot?! Perfect placement, bottom right corner. I've said it before and I'll say it again, placement over power gets it done.

16th Minute
The Marauders supporters are just settling down. They seemed to get a large contingent over despite the distance. Here come Cuellar down the middle, Manderine springing him. He dribbles past Rachmaninoff and Donovan, Night is making her run, and Cuellar lobs it into the penalty area. Night chests it down, Yngve is charging at her. GOALLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLL!!!!!!!!!!! Right over the outstreched hands. What class by the spunky little lady.
*Camera Switches back to the Studio*

"If the Marauders can keep up the play that had in the first 45 for a whole match against these tougher oppenents, I expect a few victories. There are certainly things that the team can build on, and a few things that they need to correct, but overall, I say it was a decent result for thier first match in World Cup action. Over to you Jason."

"Well the Marauders will have to bounce back quickly, as they will play Spammanian Plijous next. Fortunately for the Marauders, they will be in the majestic Angelotic Temple in Longview. The atmosphere there can be quite hectic, and nerve wracking for the oppisition. It looks like the ESC was trying to give the Marauders the largest home pitch advantage they could with the venues they choose. Tune in after every match for full analyisis of the game. For me and my associates, this is Jason Klien signing off."

End Broadcast

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Qazox Takes An Early Win!

2 - 0 and it was all over in Qazox.

Slinking off after an unscoring loss, the Sturmkrieger were booed in the streets of New Reichsburg as they returned home. After several hours of silence, Manager Adler Baldwin finally spoke in a press conference.

"Our loss today was unacceptable. Jeri (Kavelt) and Rudolph (Answoir) were completely off form, and Imre (Keller) played terribly. He admits it, I admit it, and I promise that the team is better than 2 - 0 against our groups 4th ranked team. We WILL do better than this, I guarentee it."

Baldwin's guarentee vaguely refers to last years qualifiers, where the Sturmkrieger routinely romped across teams ranked higher than # 54 Qazox (McPsychoville, Schiavonia). Most believe the back to back goals by Qazox winger Alicia Gonzalez to be mainly the fault of Imre Keller, Tinsuvilia's relatively untested, and unexperience keeper. There is one brightside however.

Keller did not urinate on any flags!

Tinsuvilia: 0
Qazox: 2 (Gonzalez 56, 58)

“...but my favorite goal was the one where St. Amour made the breakaway late in the first and put it straight over the goalie’s shoulder. When you want to talk about the most skillful forwards in the Cup, Jay, you have to mention Martin. He’s been simply amazing so far.”

“Fascinating as always, Sam, but now that the kickoff is ready, I think it might be time to start talking about the World Cup, eh?”

“You can talk about it if you’d like, Jay. I plan to sit here in sullen silence for the entire match.”

“You enjoy that, Sam. Once again, coming to you live from Isserson Stadium, I’m Jay McYule alongside ‘Toothless’ Sam St. Pierre for IanCorp Wireless National. Here’s the kick -- it’s won by Yar... erm, that midfielder whose last name starts with a ‘Y’!”

“Yarygin, I think, Jay. And if I have to watch all ninety minutes of this, I’m going to be wondering ‘where’s gin?’”

“Good contribution, Sam. Iansisle and Tadjikistan both lined up in a 3-4-3 right now. Yarygin passes it to the left for Berzarin, who’s wide open. Brandt the elder was supposed to be covering him. Quick pass to Tool-bear-dee-off and here comes the Tigers! Back over to the left for Berzarin, who has left Brandt back in the dust. Tagger’s come back into the play, keeping an eye of Berzarin -- but he can’t keep his man! Across the middle for Tool-bear-dee-off, who lets off a booming shot, but right at Abernathy! Now, Sam, Tool-bear-dee-off was completely alone there -- Houser was several yards off his mark. How do you account for that?”

“Jay, if I had to guess, I’d say that the Ians suck. Terribly.”

“Right you are, Sam. Here’s Abernathy, kicking it out -- he barely reaches the midfield. Won by Yarygin again, and here comes Tadjikistan. Folks, we’re just into the second minute and I’m already joining my colleague in asking ‘where’s gin?’”

15th minute

“Well, folks, the Ians have yet to move the ball into their attacking zone and they’ve already given three beautiful scoring chances to Tadjikistan. The crowd here senses their Tigers are closing in on a goal. Johnson’s pass, intended for Cotton, is intercepted by Maximov and sent back into the Ians’ end. We can only hope that Bennie Abernathy can continue his strong showing in goal.”

“Jay, is there any sort of mercy rule -- say if the Tigers are up by ten once we get to the half, we can all go home?”

“Afraid not, Sam. Here’s Tool-bear-dee-off lofting it across the middle -- headed by Elisarov and into the corner of the net, just past the outstretched fingers of a diving Abernathy! The crowd is going wild, here, folks -- I don’t think there’s a patch of red and white anywhere in the stands. Tigers one to zero Ians! What the -- Sam, sit down and shut up! That’s bad news, remember?”

“Maybe bad news for you, Jay. I’ve decided to cheer for Tadjikistan.”

“Indeed you have, Sam.”

Twenty-second minute

*sounds of a scuffle*

“Give me that bandana, you fraud! I’m not letting you root for the Tigers!”

“Mrrph! Get off me, Jay! I’ll root for whoever I like!”

“That’s whomever, you great card! Decline better or so help me God I’ll --”

“Say! Was that a Tadjikistan goal?”

“Don’t try to distract me, Sam, I know all your --”

*crowd roars*

“By George, it was a goal. Um, folks, I’m not too sure what just happened, but the ball’s in the net and Abernathy’s on the ground. He seems to be in some pain.

“The big ham. The ref’s see right through it. He’s just trying to get the goal disallowed.”

“It appears to be real, Jay. Here come the medics onto the field. Abernathy is being carried off on a stretcher.”

“Told you they wouldn’t fall for it. He can get up any time now.”

“Actually, Sam, it looks like Truman is sending Bob Feckless, a keeper from Mansmouth FC, onto the pitch as a substitute. It appears Abernathy really is hurt.”

Forty-first minute

“Well, folks, for the first time in the game, I can say here come the Ians! Won by Tagger in the midfield and sent up to Cotton. This is the first serious Ians attack we’ve seen so far.”

“A load of good it will do them. Suck-hoom-lee-nawf is an absolute wall.”

“Sam, you can’t even pronounce their names! You cannot, therefore, be their fan!”

“Just watch me, pencil-arms.”

“Cotton launches the Ian’s first shot! -- but it sails well over the net and out of play.”

“I told you nothing’d come of it.”

“Just keep quiet, you traitor. I have a report on Abernathy’s condition -- it appears he’s broken his hip.”

“Hah. Glad I was the first off the sinking ship.”

“And here’s the half. Sam, you and I have a thing or two to talk over. Outside.”

“With pleasure, Jay.”

“From Isserson Stadium in Tadjikistan, I’m Jay McYule alongside the soon-to-be-late Sam St. Pierre. We’ll -- rather, I’ll -- be back after the half.”

((ooc: I’ve got to run. Tad, the second half is all yours. =) ))

Chi Sun-Times-Tribune-Domestic-International-Star-News-Tommorow-Today

Sports Section

Warriors start with dissapointing draw

The opponent in Milchama's first match in World Cup 29 was Third England a team that had struggled in the Baptism of Fire tournament. The Warriors did change something though as they actually performed better in the second half as they got two goals instead of the usual second half fade out. Coach Jamie Smith said, "This has to do with us looking ahead. We knew we had the Archregimancy next and we thought about them instead of the game at hand and it made us vulnerable and they took advantage. We cannot look ahead anymore, every opponent can and will try to beat us. We need to play our best at all times and to prove that I will change the starting lineup next game as Aaron Kary will start in place of Spot Nielson. This next game will be key for us as we really need a win to know where we are. With us facing the number one seed so early we will need to get a result in order to do well in the qualifying campaign ahead."
Now the daily rendition of how they scored:

15th minute: Gerrard III to Owen III. Pevington trying to stop the attack but Owen III finds Rooney III who shoots and it's in. 1-0 to Third England. The Warriors have looked out of place from the beginning of the game and its showing now as Third England took the game to them. Great job there by Gerrard III to avoid Lampard III who has a penchant for not finishing in international play. Rooney III also had a wonderful run and strike a perfect start for Third England.

38th minute: A pass back in to the box its headed out to Gerrard III who side steps Flinters and shoots AND SCORES!!!!!!! What a shot by Steven Gerrard III. He beat Flinters to the inside and from 30 yards out he sent a cracker to the low left corner that didn't give Finton a chance. It's now 2-0 Third England and looking bad for Milchama. They really need to pick up their game if they don't want an embarrasing loss.

47th minute: Milchama finally on the offensive with Flinters coming down the wing. He looks for Nielson and Nielson gets the ball he beats his defender and is now looking at the keeper. He shoots! SAVED! What a save by Robinson III but he's given up a rebound and Albentine is there! and it's 2-1! A goal by Floren Albentine. It's his 26th for Milchama in international play and its just a matter being in the right place at the right time.

83rd minute: Another corner for the Warriors. This is their 9th corner today and 8 of them so far have produced nothing. J.J. Faren gets the ball and he swings in the corner, its bending and still bending AND IT'S IN! A goal by J.J. Faren off a corner kick. No header or anything he just hit the ball in the net by himself. That's the goal of the tournament so far just a wonderful touch of class by J.J. Faren. That's just brilliant. I don't believe it, a corner kick goal strait from the corner. I have never seen anything like that before, wow, just wow, great work there from Faren.

Final Score:
Milchama 2 (Albentine 47, Faren 83)
Third England 2 (Rooney III 15, Gerrard III 38)

Milchama Man of the Match:
With a brilliant corner kick, J.J. Faren not only tied the game but produced one of the best goals in World Cup history for Milchama. I still don't believe it and I've seen the replay 10 times.

Dear Diary,

I don't think I've ever been as nervous in my entire life as I was today. Even though we're the 18th ranked team in the world and we played our home opener in World Cup XXIX tonight at Bryan Marshall Stadium, it was still our first-ever international match. Seems the powers-that-be in football land didn't pay attention when we blew the team up and used an entirely new 23 man squad.

We had a lot of tense moments, especially early. Aigosthena attacked a lot early and nearly went ahead twice. Thank God for Frank Talbot making all those saves. The stat sheet says he made five saves in the match, but it felt like he made 35. Talbie was all over the place, taking control of his line, commanding the back four, and in general played like he'd been in the World Cup before.

The lads finally got their legs under them after the 30th minute and started to turn the tide of the match. I had to remind them to play Stars football a bit and they picked it up enormously in the second half. We didn't get on the board until Adam Purvis buried that free kick in the 78th minute, but I knew we'd score eventually.

It looked like Aigosthena were demoralised after that goal because Steve Jacobson made their defence look stupid when we got our goal in the 87th. I'm just glad we got our first match out of the way, but I know we've got a tough road ahead of us. Rejistania are one of the world's toughest sides, System Karela or no. I know they aren't playing karela anymore, but it's tough not to think about karela with that group. I've got to get the lads ready and it ain't going to be easy.

Anyway, I just hope the supporters don't turn on me next match. It's easy to feel good about the first one now that it's in the books even though it was a result we should have expected. I hope Tracie manages without me.

-Mark

The National Informant



The Team gets Whipped

Well, after their first game, against Anastasiania, The Team has lost - as is expected of them. They managed to get a goal, which is slightly worrying, because Spaam is once again in the same group, and we all know what happened last time. The riots were awful after The Team failed to lose.

Anyway, it looks like the new strategy employed by Mr. LUNATIC, the new captain, is going to lead The Team down the same path they stumbled last World Cup. This is excellent, because as long as The Team loses the vast majority of their games - and by 'vast majority', we mean all - most proffesional rioters in our nation have promised not to cause anything too chaotic. Of course, some will still be burning cars in the streets, but that's mostly because somebody left their car in the street, the fool.
We hope that the Spaamanian team has better luck this team, and grinds The Team into the dust, especially Normal Penguin, whos total lack of absurdity is unnerving. Especially after he stopped as many shots as that horrible yellow slime-thing, DMYS.

Not that it mattered of course, Anastianian players scored three times, although this may be because Wille Dee and his Extremely Dangerous Hair were thrown out of the game after the Extremely Dangerous Hair ate the first referee befroe the match began. Of course, after the demise of all The Team's substitutes during the last Lancre Cup, no new substitutes have been thrown into the roster, and thus, The Team was left with no Keeper. Heh, suckers.
Irritated Penguin was almost thrown out after savaging an Anastasianian Striker twice. However, Irritated then confronted the heavily armored referee and savaged him three times, with some help from Mrs. Tweezly, who hadn't approved of the referee's language after he was savaged the first time. The Referee had no further complaints about The Team's typically violent behavior for the rest of the first half, after which he did not reappear, and was instead replaced by a squad of Tactical Security Officers, behind which the new Referee stood, making calls.
Despite the Security's best efforts, however, the Referee still got savaged by Irritated Penguin late in the match, after an Anatasianian player stepped on Obese Penguin's webbed foot. The Ref told Irritated that Obese could probably take care of himself*, which caused Irritated to fly into such a furiously violent fit, that the small bird actually managed to take off from the ground briefly, although some say that this was simply the result of one of the Officers trying to fend off the penguins attack.
The Anastasianian Team has been strangely quiet after the game, although this is attributed to the number of damaged jaws - Nothing too serious, mind - that they now sport.

Next, The Team shall 'play' a vastly superior team, which will hopefully bring preperatory equipment(battletanks or orbital lasers usually work), in order to fend off the disgruntled team's assaults.



* This is, in fact, not true. Obese Penguin is far to overweight to defend himself, and was reportedly in great distress after being trod upon. We feel that Irritated Penguin's response was probably correct, although we wish that those Tactical Security Officers had thought to bring shotguns, instead of tranquilizers.

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And They're Off!!! Oh Shit! It's In Reverse!

Queen Sonya Sabre looked out over the empty stands of Elanesse Tulcokelume in WhiteHall. Toady’s match against Kelse had been intended as the start of a great campaign for the Mystical Unicorns. Sadly it did not take long for the match to bring back vivid memories of the World Cup 28 qualifiers. Time after time during that horrid venture, the Unicorns found themselves on the wrong end of a lopsided scoreline to a much inferior squad. And while Kelse is an up-and-coming side, the rankings and home field advantage were definitely on the side of the Unicorns. Or they should have been.

It really didn’t take all that long for the Unicorns to realize they were outmatched by the fiery Lady Mariners. Before the half, the Unicorns were already down by two. The second half was only marginally better. Nátulcien Eluch`div` found Zana Jablon with a wondrous cross that Jablon neatly put into the net and pull the Unicorns to within one with 10 minutes left. But Kelsey was not to be outdone and quickly pushed the score to 3-1.

The loss really set a bad feel about The Sylvanaes Kingdom early in this world cup. A loss to Kelse is not that bad. But losing 3-1 at home is never good no matter who you are playing. Next up is a date at Tecpatl. We know very little of this squad. But all hope is that we can gain 3 points off them and get back into the mix before it becomes habit-forming to lose like this.

Elsewhere in Group 7 Rejistania managed to squeak out a 2-1 win over powerhouse side Snub nose 38point1. Hehe. Sarzonia handled Aigosthena 2-0. And Kericia struggled to a 3-3 draw with that same mighty Tecpatl we play next. Maybe they made enough shots against Kericia for two matches.

TERRORISM STRIKES WC XXIX EARLY

A pair of unidentified gunmen somehow managed to elude the heavy security at the House of Prayer and get into the Warriors locker room just before they were to take the field for their WC XXIX opener against Quakmybush, taking the team hostage. The gunmen barracaded the doors, preventing both escape and rescue efforts. The P2G FBI and stadium security tried to negotiate a peaceful surrender for five hours, while the rest of the stadium was oblivious to what was going on, except for the fact that a team of six-year-olds had to play for the Warriors. When negotiations were cut off, the P2G FBI tried to come down through the ceiling to catch the gunmen off guard and prevent injury to the Warriors team or the staff. However, before both gunmen were gunned down, reserve midfielder Crystal Berry was shot. She was rushed to a nearby hospital. The hospital and the P2GSA have refused to comment on the extent of her injuries. Once word leaked to the public, the fact that the Warriors were upset became unimportant, as it always does when things like this occur. It also made all too real the stories that the citizens of P2G have heard over the years about the team bus being attacked after their last match of their original WC Qualifying back in WC XII. The identities and nationalities of the gunmen have not been determined as of this time. Our thoughts and prayers are with the family and teammates of Crystal Berry.

QSPN FOOTBALL WEEKLY

Ben Rottenburger- "hi and welcome to live coverage of Qazox' qualifying match against Tinsuvilia here at Lorax Field in Lorax City. The Black Oxen are favored, but have struggles at home against weaker sides. Joining me to commentate on this match is Vic Ditale. Vic... what do you think the keys to today's match are?

Vic Ditale- "ITS AWESOME BABY WITH A CAPITAL A... QAZOX WILL LOOK TO PRESS THE DEFENSE WITH THEIR 4 FORWARDS AND USE THE MIDFIELDERS AS FORWARD SWEEPS TO HELP KEEP THE BALL CLEAR OF THE BOX."

Ben- " uh,, Vic,, you don't have to yell. Before we begin, however, An update on the story that is coming out of Qazox City. Head coach Jason Bourne has been suspended for 4 matches do to his comment is the Lake Porter Sun about the QFC president. Taking over coaching duties for this game and the next three will be Vogg United's coach, Stewart Gryphon."

Vic- "GRYPHON'S PROBABLY THE BEST COACH BABY.. BABY WITH A CAPITAL B"
Ben- "OoooKay.. We're ready to kick off here in Lorax City and....<fast forward to minute 55>... Megia takes the throw from Sexton. Megia dribbles it looks for Andrew Mason, mason has it, passes to Bookman; Bookman stutter, looks, shoots, OFF THE FAR POST, collected by Goya, She shoots, deflected by Imre Kellar, taken by GOnzalez, SHE SCORRRRRRRESS!!!! Speedy Gonzalez has put the Black Oxen up 1-0 here in the 56th minute and the crowd is going wild!!!

Jeri Kavelt takes the ball, passes to Answoir, stolen by Goya, she dribbels looks for Gretsky, Gretsky weaves, looks for Bookman, passes back to Anthony Mason, passes it to Gonzalez, she shoots and SCORRRRRRRRRRRRRESSSS!!! Gonzalez in 2 minutes has scored 2 goals and Qazox Leads it 2-0....<Fast forward to 90th minute>... ANd that's all folks, Qazox defeats Tinsuvilia 2-0 on a pair of goals by Alicia Gonzalez, who continues to be almost undefendable in the 18 yard area. For QSPN along with Vic Ditale, I'm Ben Rottenburger see you next week in Green Wombat against those Damnned Wombats."



Tinsuvilia: 0
Qazox: 2 (Gonzalez (1,2) 56', 58')

GREEN WOMBAT FREE PRESS

In Green wombat's return to the world stage, a 1-1 draw in Bazalonia was the last thing any body thought would happen, but it did and now the Fighting Wombats have some momentum heading into their match against those heathen Ox worshippers. Gregory Henderson scored the 1st goal of the match, easily weaving past a slow Andrew Creek in the 6th minute to quiet the raucous crowd. The Bazalopes recovered enough to tie the match in the 29th minute on a goal by Michael Irchov. The rest of the match saw neither able to put a good run together and ended 1-1.

In other Group 8 matches, the Cursed Oxen of Qazox won 2-0 over Tinsuvilia, Bostopia shocked the world by drawing at Liverpool England 2-2 and Cataduanes obliterated Benlandngdo 4-0. The Group Looks like this so far:


TEAM W-D-L PTS GF GA GD
Catadaunes 1-0-0 3 4 0 +4
Qazox 1-0-0 3 2 0 +2
Liverpool England 0-1-0 1 2 2 0
Bostopia 0-1-0 1 2 2 0
Green Wombat 0-1-0 1 1 1 0
Bazalonia 0-1-0 1 1 1 0
Tinsuvilia 0-0-1 0 0 2 -2
Benlandngdo 0-0-1 0 0 4 -4

Up next for the Wmbats is of Course QAZOX...the Oxen are in a seroius need of a beat down so hopefully these young fighing wombats will giv it to them.

SATIVAVILLE STONER
We tell you Where the Doritos Are!!

I'm Monty Python and the Fritos have started the Cup decently drawing Rorysville 2-2 in a match that went back and forth thought the night. The 1st goal of the match was scored by Rorysville's Mike Jasper in the 34th minute on a penaty kick, after Jess Foo's yellow card for a hard tackle. Teh Fritos tied it up as Humberto Pellecchia continued his brilliant play of the BoF, scoring just before half at the 43rd minute. Rorysville in the 56th minute once again took the lead, this time on a free kick from 25 yds. out by Mark Schweitzer. The Fritos once again evened it up this time at 2-all on a goal by Teddy Mintey in the 75th, and the match ended a draw. Up next for the Fritos is a trip to Sarvoski, where nobody has ever been to before. hopefully a win is in order here as they are a very inexperienced squad.

http://i14.photobucket.com/albums/a318/stormgiantxxxl/ASMVFNN.jpg

Sea Dragons Struggle Against Unknown

This is Kellan Kildan Live from Stadii Se Draggonnii Arcea

Today the Sea Dragons began their quest for a third straight qualification with a home match against virtually unknown Ulyanovia. Despite the fact that several key members of the squad having decided to retire, this should have been a great opportunity to show off for the home fans. But that was not to be the case.

ASMV came out very physical on defense, which is the area most affected by the retirements of Unami and Unori Banta-N’bai. The results surprised even head coach Pao St Martinique who had been touting Genesis Galluccio as the new superstar of the Sea Dragons. Keeper Shaun Conarky should be well rested for the next match at New Montreal States. He only had to stop one shot on goal for the whole match.

So if the new players on defense performed past expectations in the defensive tradition of the Sea Dragons - why was this match not a win instead of a 0-0? The attack was stale at best. Porche Alexander was not her usual fiery self and did nothing when given the chance. Pablo Iglesias, The Sea Dragons all-time leading scorer was even worse. It seems as if aging legs of each player may be taking their toll. At 32 and 34 respectively, it doesn’t seem too bad on paper. But the two have played approximately 98% of every Sea Dragon match since the qualifiers for WC25. That’s a lot of abuse in that time.

With Group superstud NMS up next, the Sea Dragons must find a way to get some pressure from their attack. Leena Draghi and Ali Devincenti are both young and capable of scoring in bunches. Iglesias and Alexander will both start, but they may give way to the two young women who are more than poised to replace them early if the same trouble shows up again.

It has been reported that Pao has also asked Unami to step back into the game from his coaching position should the squad need something to light a fire under their asses.

In other news, a tragedy has occurred in Praying2God where one player was shot and the Warriors held hostage while kids had to play in their place. We offer our condolences and best wishes for that squad in this time of trouble.

Queldas Hikari - Rul Isio Nesuntel A Seserim

PANDAS KEEPER LOSES SHORTS, MATCH
Brilliant Return Spoiled by Drawstring Incident
by Markinen Marketel

BEDISTAN(NP) - It was a glorious day. After an absence of many, many years, the Pandas of Nikea were to take to the pitch once again in a fabulous game of football. The skies were clear, the air crisp, and were it not for the tens of thousands of fans in attendance, birds would have been heard chirping their songs.

The Nikean fan presence was quite strong considering that when the Pandas last stepped onto the field for a competitive international match, not one of the fans' parents were born yet. Nevertheless, the Nikean domestic leagues have been puttering along, so many delighted at seeing the Pandas in action, even if it was in far away Bedistan.

The qualifying draw was not kind to the Nikeans. Who should manager Hikaren Spriteithel see at the top of qualifying group 15? The Bedistan Lions, international football's top team and ancient thwarter of Nikean World Cup dreams (or, at least, dreams of making the knockout stages.) The Pandas were also denied the chance of playing these giants at a later date; it was the first match on the schedule. If it was not such an obvious pun, I would comment that it was throwing the Pandas to the Lions.

Alas, on to the match itself. The Nikean uniforms sparkled red, and a solid half of play left Bedistan surprised and confused. Many were seen pointing and shrugging their shoulders, wondering how a team that hadn't played a competitive game of football in eons hold their wonderful offence. Yes, in the 29th minute the Lions finally broke through the Nikean back line with a solid sequence of passing and the Lions' Leonard Hollins thundered the ball past Jehurin Keletel in the Nikean goal, but it was considered quite an achievement to only be down 1 goal to the number 1 ranked team in the world, especially on the very first game.

The second half brought delight to the Nikean fans early, as a strange bit of luck and a mishit clearance from Marko Endruweit saw Rankarin Depayenestel slot a nice shot past Vailatai Issah in the Bedistan goal. Jublilation overtook anyone wearing red in the stadium, as well as the blue warmup shirts of the Nikean players on the bench, and the black pinstriped suit of Spriteithel. Even further euphoria struck those same individuals when Mandarin Natrenistel's shot eluded defenders and keeper alike to give the Nikeans their first ever lead since their return.

The joy was tempered somewhat with 10 minutes remaining, as the inexperienced Nikean backline surrendered another goal following a superb bit of skill from Felicity Wilson. It was thought that even if the Pandas took a point from a tough away battle, they would be welcomed as heros upon their return.

Alas, injury time spelled disaster for Nikea. A routine backpass to Keletel in the Nikean goal from Seserin Tinuviethel turned into delight for Bedistan. The drawstring on Keletel's shorts was untied for the duration of the match, as he had complained at the start of the tournament of tightness from the elastic band in them. As he moved towards the ball, the shorts fell from his waist to around his ankles, tripping him on his way to the ball, allowing the ball to roll gently into the back of the net. It officially was an own goal to Tinuviethel, but many headlines will credit it to Lumbronen, the official supplier of the Nikean kit.

Nevertheless, a 3-2 defeat at such an early stage to such a strong opponent should bring some confidence to the young Panda players. They were rather tightlipped following the match, as manager Spriteithel had only a few words for reporters.

Upon hearing the question 'What have you learned from this match?', he replied, 'Make sure everyone does up their drawstring.' Yet another reporter asked if this result gives him hope that the Pandas could cause some headaches to teams in the group, and received the short answer 'No.'

So while the team files this result under the luck category, many Panda fans will delight in it, and the atmosphere should be loud and celebratory when they play their first home match, a matchday 2 tie with Nebuleux, of whom the Nikeans know nothing.


Bedistan 3 (Hollins 29, Wilson 80, Tinuviethel 90+ [OG]
v.
Nikea 2 (Depayenestel 53, Natrenistel 65)


MD1 - @Bedistan (L 2-3)
MD2 - Nebuleux - Queldas, Solarin Stadium
MD3 - @The Islands of Qutar
MD4 - Kedalfax - Interiu, Interirien Field
MD5 - @Pastorville
MD6 - Sovietry - Miserias, Calamo Bridge
MD7 - @Magnus Valerius
MD8 - Bedistan - Queldas, Solarin Stadium
MD9 - @Nebuleux
MD10 - The Islands of Qutar - Interiu, Interirien Field
MD11 - @Kedalfax
MD12 - Pastorville - Miserias, Calamo Bridge
MD13 - @Sovietry
MD14 - Magnus Valerius - Queldas, Solarin Stadium

MONASTIC FOOTBALL ASSOCIATION PRESS RELEASE
MFA Send Condolences to Praying2God
Holy Icon Blessed to Commemorate Occasion

That there has been long-standing rivalry between the Archregimancy and Praying2God, based on the latter nation's multiple heresies, is a matter of record. The Monastic Football Association would nonetheless like to send its condolences to Praying2God to mark the sad occasion of the kidnapping of the team, the shooting of Crystal Berry, and the slaughter of the 6 year olds by an unranked team on the field of play.

To mark the occasion, the MFA and the Holy Synod of the Archregimancy have released an Official World Cup Holy Icon to commemorate the shooting of the innocent Berry, and the slaughter of the innocent 6 year olds on the pitch:

The 14,000 Infants (the Holy Innocents) slain by Herod at Bethlehem (http://i14.photobucket.com/albums/a319/vakraas/Innocents.jpg)

The prayers of the MFA are with the victims.

Tommy Barnes' team-talk was simple. "Go on, then...let's see what you can do..."

Unfortunately for Barnes his tactics were too good as he was unable to see exactly what the defence could do. Poor Mahaliastan were overwhelmed. After ten minutes or so of fairly limp play, in which the Swifts were getting used to their new shape, it was a blue wave of attack attack attack.

The first came after 21 minutes, calming any nerves amongst the Fleetway crowd. The midfield had pushed up to make it 4-3-3 as there was little risk at the back and Ken scored with a swerving dip shot. 2-0 just before the break, Kent cross, Treves finish. 3-0 on the hour, Treves again from a Weston through ball.

Tommy Barnes was somewhat disgruntled by the performance as his plan for Crowhurst was being somewhat spoilt. He made a triple substitution to give the more unheralded players some practice, with Jones, Davey and Cooper coming on and going 4-3-1-2 it was little Peter Davey's cross to Norman Cooper that made it 4. The fifth came from a free-kick in the 86th, Joe Weston postage-stamping it.

"We're gonna win the cup!" shouted the Wentland fans. Well, probably not. But it's not every day you go nap.

Off to Artoonia next, then...

MONTREALAIS TIP ASHTERRIUS IN HOME OPENER

Angiers crowd enthusiatically backs Paladins

ANGIERS - With international football returning to the Southern hills of the States for the first time in twelve years, the side felt obligated to put on a good show. And indeed they did, with Gilles Villeneuve and Jacques Toussaint scoring in what is considered by many to be the beginning of the end for those two, as well as four other starters - Paul Chasson, Yannic Laurier, Charles Pilon and Hubert Labranche.

Considered by many to be the ones responsible for the return of the Paladins to international promenence, they seem to be playing as if they had nothing left after the tourney - rocking the Ashterrius side back on their heels with pep and gusto and taking an early lead they would never relinquish with a rocket by Labranche straight through to the back of the net in the 16th minute.

The Paladins then proceeded to school the Ashterrian offense, letting the ball into the Paladins half for a grand total of eight minutes in the half, and only the stellar play of keeper Jacobus Marzarus kept the score what it was. The second half played out much like the first, until Villeneuve connected off Petr Hunyadi for the second goal - and then it was a 4-6-0 snoozer for the next twenty minutes.

The next match will be key in how things end up at the end of qualification, as the second-ranked team in the group, Andossa Se Mitrin Vega, comes calling at the Paladin Dome in New Montreal after a disappointing draw against unranked Uylanova.

The Ministry of Morale, the Presse-Journal Devoir, and all Montréalais would like to express their deepest sympathies and condolence to the people of Praying2God and the families of the victims of the late tragedy.

Mr. Chuck Norris 2-Northern Caesarea 2

1. Cuellar *

2.Ferrer ****
4.Capdevilla 0
15. Molinero *
22. Ibañez ****

24. Novo **
13. Vizcaíno ***
6. Begines ****
11. Maxi ****

23. Salmerón **
9. Alcántara***
----------------------------------------------
GK Mr. Bednarik **

D Scottest Hovest ***
D ♪ ***
D Yianni Karvo ****

MF Zach Brickhouse **
MF Paper Mario ****
MF OJ Pimpson ****
MF The Burger King ****

AF John Fedo **
AF Brian Boitano **

SF Chuck Norris **

The crack
Begines
The attacking midfielder made a great match, pumping balls to the forwards and provocking scores of goal occasions. One of them finished in the net.

The dandy
OJ Pimpson
The Mr. Chuck Norris midfielder was the heart of his team, creating almost all the offensive game and stopping tricolores attacking fury during the most of the match

The tough guy
Yianni Karvo
Provocked the penalty which lead to Northern Caesarea second goal. Alcántara and Salmerón will bring back at home a lot of "souvenirs" from this defender shoes.

Not his day
Capdevilla
Totally out in the Mr. Chuck Norris first goal, his bad nerves in the second avoided the possibility of a great victory.

Chuck Norris- Paco Antequera dreamed, since the Cup Harmony match between both teams, of a tricolore revenge of the humillating 3-1 defeat in that competition. He was near of it, but he had to return home with a 2-2 draw.

The history seemed to repeat it self when John Fedo saw a big hole in NC defense to score the 1-0 (m.17).

But the attitude of the team was more bright than in the CoH match. The goal acted as a stimulant for Northern Caesarea players, who, leadered by Begines, in the center, an Maxi, Ferrer and Ibañez, on the sides, made life difficult for the "Fighting" defenders.

Hope came in m.71, when Begines scored a spectacular goal from outside the Mr. Chuck Norris area, and m.76, when Maxi scored a penalty kick after a violent tackle of Yianni Karvo to Salmerón.

The following 15 minutes, Mr. Chuck Norris attacked desesperately and they had their reward at m.88, with a Brian Boitano goal.

As is so often the case, our scene opens on Satan and Morseley, slowly coming to after a hard night of drinking. The only difference is that, instead of being somewhere in Satan's offices or palace, it's in the middle of what might have been a brand new football stadium not quite 24 hours ago. It had certainly been broken in since then.

Morseley got up, slowly shook his head, and scanned the pitch he had ended up on. Various demons were sprawled all around, mostly succubi, while the referee (a gentleman from Schiavonia by the name of Winston Victory) and several Marceau State players and fans also were passed out.

Satan rolled over. "Bugger. I need asprin badly."

Morseley reached into a small pouch in his vest and pulled out a pillbottle. He took out two pills, tossed the bottle to Satan and started looking for something to wash the pills down with.

"Thanks," Satan muttered after swallowing the entire bottle. Morseley had meanwhile found a half-empty fifth of tequila that had been tossed aside and miraculously ignored during the post-game orgy. He washed down the pills.

"So how was the match?" asked Satan. "I would have paid attention, but I had better demons to do than that."

"Eh." Morseley slowly willed his brain to quit pounding and start thinking. "We won 5-2. Or maybe we won 2-5. But I'm pretty sure we won."

"So did that new Karela thingie you were so deadset on trying work?"

5-2. Morseley tried to remember if that was a very Karelan score. "Might've. Ask me later on."

"Are those Marceau State players lying over there?" asked Satan as he slowly took in the scene.

"Yeah, the succubi insisted on having them join in once they found out they were Canadians."

"Why the heaven would they do that?"

"They said Canadians were great in the sack."

"Why?"

Morseley shrugged. "I dunno. Probably nothing else to do up there from October 'till May." He finished off the tequila and lay back down. "Nice stadium, though. Grass is nice and cushy. Until it gets killed off by alcohol spillage, that is."

"And how do you propose to fix that?"

"Never, ever spill any booze again?"

"Works for me." They both quickly fell back into unconsciousness.

Channel 96 Sports News, Bostopia

[Nevvir] Hello I'm Miranda Nevvir, and you're watching Channel 96 Sports News, Bostopia! A great night for Bostopian football yesterday, with the Bostopian national side earning a two all draw against Liverpool England last night. Jamie Trent's first goal put Bostopia one nil up within 5 minutes of play, and his second equalised for Bostopia with 7 seconds left to play in injury time. We can cross over now live to Fort Boston City Airport, as the Bostopian squad is returning from Liverpool England, in order to prepare for their game against Tinsuvilia, at the Bostopia Stadium.

Images on-screen show the Bostopian Airways plane taxiing toward a bay, stopping, and then stairs being brought up to the plane's door, along with a crowd of 400 on the tarmac behind barriers, giving the players a walkway into the terminal. The door opens, and a massive cheer goes up from the supporters.

[Nevvir] First out is Jamie Trent! He's quickly becoming the hero of Bostopian football, 3 caps and 9 goals so far for the 17 year old. And there's Frank Mirring, on crutches, it's not a good sight, but we hope he should be ready for the last quarter of qualification fixtures. I'm getting word that we can cross over to...Greg...Griffis...that news reporter who's trying his hand at sport. Greg, over to you!?

[Griffis] This is Greg Griffis reporting LIVE on Channel 9...tysix Grif...urr Sports, Bostopia! Channel 96 Sports News Bostopia, from Fort Boston Castle! Yes! I'm here with Emperor Boston, for his views on the match. Emperor, how did you celebrate last night?

[Boston] Well, first off, I spilt my beer all over Empress Christine. That left her none-too-happy, so I decided to hit the town and headed for the sports bar in Fort Boston Plaza.

[Griffis] But, weren't you recognised?

[Boston] Of course, but people were too drunk to care. Then I got too drunk to care and sang a few songs with the fans.

[Griffis] What were you singing, Emperor?

[Boston] Songs like 'You're mothers just a hamster, and she weaaaaaaaars a greeeeeeeen hat!' and 'Geesemonkeys! On the march! Geesemonkey, geesemonkey, on the march!' Anyway, what does this have to do with the game?

[Griffis] Nothing, it's just that a survey showed they wanted more of the Emperor, and more singing!

[Boston] Fair enough. Anyway, go back to the studio so we can get some real news, we've sidetracked.

[Griffis] Urr...ok...back to you, Miranda.

[Nevvir] Thanks, Greg, and thank you Emperor. Unfortunately, that's all the time we have, we were supposed to have a highlights package, an interview with Manager Kevin Ferring, and then a run-down of the league table, and Bostopia's chances. But no. Anyway, we'll see you next time, for news on Bostopia's squad ahead of the match against Tinsuvilia

Jeruselem Government News

Group 14 rookies get beaten up

World Cup 29 has started. Jeruselem has been put in Group 14 and once again will attempt to make it past the 2nd round. Under new coach Harry Kool, can the Crusaders do it? First we have to qualify!

Match day 1 has finished - and nothing really happened. Jeruselem played unranked Sliponia and don't really try hard either. It wasn't intense or tough, just Jeruselem didn't get into full gear at all. Still, we win 3-0 without trying smash the opposition into the ground and the opponent spent most of the time in front of their goal.

Ariddia also had cruisy time with Artoonia, also winning 3-0. Rather one sided game and the Arridians were not troubled really although Artoonia tried. You can't say much for the form of Jeruselem or Arridia given their opponents were not challenging at all.

Mahaliastan run into a rather large truck called Wentland. THREE NIL might be fine but Wentland wanted MORE. So, they smacked Mahaliastan FIVE NIL. Considering Mahaliastan are actually ranked, it's a horrible way to start the World Cup but there's lots of happy Wentlanders here. Good signs for Wentland indeed!

We don't know much about Elrich or Khenas, but they played the most even game for MD1. Khenas prevailed TWO ONE, in a game worth watching as most top teams here don't know much about these teams. We are sure video cameras were watching this game with interest.

So, top 3 win as expected with Wentland taking the top spot with +5 goal difference.

Jeruselem 3:0 Sliponia
Ariddia 3:0 Artoonia
Wentland 5:0 Mahaliastan
Elrich 1:2 Khenas

Now, we can't forget our friends here!

Iansisle had the rotten luck of playing the Tigers first game. That's rough for a team who just want to do well. They lost 0-3 and it's not too bad really. Those Tigers know one thing - how to score goals. Speaking of animals, the Lions (Nedalian) also won. A meek 2-1 win over Dicuban but it's 3 points to the Lions who start with win and hopefully get lots more wins.

Group 6
Tadjikistan 3:0 Iansisle
Nedalia 2:1 Dicuban

4th seed Hockey Canada - they just roll on like steamroller. Matterbuggy got flattened 4-0 and well, the Hockey Canada team aren't a boring defensive team as they were in the past. If you regular score like this, it's all GOOD.

Group 9
Hockey Canada 4:0 Matterbuggy

"You're listening to Schia FM, and welcome to the King Francesco Stadium here in Kingsbury for another edition of World Cup Sloths! I'm Mike Jones..."

"...and I'm Filipo Schiavone, and we're here to guide you through Schiavonia's World Cup 29 campaign."

"And this time, they've definately come prepared. On the back of a Cup of Harmony win on home soil and third place for what was esentially a second string team in ASMV, Schiavonia travelled to Qutar last week for one final warm-up friendly before the show gets on the road."

"But Mike, they lost 3-2."

"I know, but everyone in the squad barring Ben Kershaw got to play. But at the same time, this meand the team lacked a certain coherency, and when you're up against a striker like Ali, you can't afford to be like that."

"Indeed you can't. Well, now it's the real thing, and You have the teams, Mike?"

"Indeed I do, starting with the Sloths, who play with their expected 4-3-3 formation today. Holmes is in goal, O'Faherty and Williams as full-backs, Park and Marsden pick up their record 79th caps eash at centre back. Across the middle are Sanderson, McGee and Berry, while our scorers against Qutar Di Mascherenasi and Edwards and of course record scorer Tony Tarmey start up front."

"And for Warrior Treblah?"

"Well, it appears that they are playing with just one player."

"One player?"

"Indeed. Their team sheet reads as follows. Number one, Warrior Treblah."

"You mean he is going to try to take us on himself?"

"Apparently so, as the teams come out of the tunnel and line up for the national anthems. First up will be the warrior's anthem, and while that plays, it appears that Warrior Trelah has come out onto the pitch on horseback, fully armoured and sword and shield. You'd think we were at a jousting contest."

"Surely the referee will have words to say about that. He could have someone's eye out!"

"Worse than that, he could probably dismember the entire Sloths team if given the chance. In fact, it wouldn't surprose me if those were their opponent's tactics. Anyway, the crowd are now seated after the playing of 'Viva Schiavonia', and the teams line up to play."

"The referee is going up to Warrior Treblah now. He is ordering him to take his sword off the pitch, and quite rightly so. What seems so strange though, is that he is being allowed to keep his shield. A stricter referee wouldn't let him get away with that."

"Well, the Warrior is to kick off, although who he is going to play the ball to remains to be seen. His horse looks to be the only option available to him... Wait, no, Warrior Treblah appears to be employing a tactic that involves scooping the ball up on his shield, getting up on his horse and charging at the Schiavone penalty area with it."

"This certainly is a novel tactic, Mike."

"And Oliver Park pushes him off the horse before the horse tramples on him... penalty!"

"Unbelievable. Horses should not be allowed on the field of play, especially if they just charge uncontrolably arond like that."

"Indeed. I'm sure the referee will come down harder on it later. As Warrior Treblah dismounts to take this penalty, straight past Holmes, and Schiavonia are off to the worst possible start."

- - - - -

21 minutes

"Well, Schiavonia appear to be struggling to find a way to play against a warrior on a horse here. Marsden has it, he hits the ball hard as he is closed down by the warrior's horse, and it goes flying up the pitch... and into the unguarded net! Gareth Marsden scores from his own half, and Schiavonia have an equaliser here!"

- - - - -

24 minutes

"Marsden, he's shaping up ro try from distance again, he does... it's not hard enough, but Edwards stayed in his own half, stayed onside, and he can't fail to make it two, can he? No, just rolls the ball home for 2-1."

- - - - -

86 minutes

"Just four minutes left, and Schiavonia still lead this unlikely encounter by two goals to one. Marsden, plays a long ball again, the warrior is after it on horseback, but it is McAndrew, who has come on as substitute for the breathless Edwards. McAndrew slips slightly... OUCHIE! The horse didn't stop at all for McAndrew, as he gets trampled all over by it, and the referee has to give the horse it's marching orders now. Indeed he does, and that is the Warrior's tactics out of the window now. As McAndrew is stretchered off for the umpteenth time in an orange and dark red shirt."

- - - - -

Final Whistle

"And it finishes six-one to Schiavonia after Warrior Treblah lost the use of his horse after it was sent off for trampling on Craig McAndrew, goals from Sanderson, Berry, McGee and even goalkeeper Holmes mean that this game finishes with a convincing Schiavone victory that, if the other scores I'm hearing from around the world are correct, puts Schiavonia at the top of Qualifying Group Two tonight. Filipo, how will this affect the team's approach to the Fmjphoenix game next up?"

"Well, I hope it won't affect them too much. It must be like some weird hallucination being out there tonight. Hopefully they'll be in the right frame of mind to play thie Vikings in their next game. Let's be honest, it can't be any crazier than this, can it?"

"I guess not. Well, it's off to Vanguard for Schiavonia's next game, and the hardest one they are likely to face this campaign, as they head off to face the Vikings. From us at the KFS for World Cup Sloths, for now, goodbye!"

There follows a Party Political Broadcast on behalf of the Party Party...

"Hello, Mike Toby from the Party Party here to give another insight into how politics and football really shouldn't be mixed.

"Of course, the big news story at the moment is the taking of the entire Praying2God team as hostages and the shooting of player Crystal Berry.

"Let it be known that the Party Party's view on this kind of atrocity is probably the same as any other political party's, in that we condone such events.

"However, people who commit such crimes appear to be the type of people who would do such a thing no matter what the deterrent in place. Even facing the death penalty for such an atrocity would not stop them.

"You see, the problem lies deeper in society. People are not happy with themselves. Obviously, I don't mean here in Schiavonia, where a happier bunch you are not likely to meet. But all over the world, such problems are rife.

"Why is this? Well, to us, the answer seems quite obvious. People are not enjoying themselves enough. We at the Party Party would ensure that every citizen of wherever we may be has enough enjoyment in life to get along with people, any people, no matter what their background, beliefs, race, whatever.

"Yes, to unite the world and love one another, all we have to do is try to enjoy what we have. if we can't, we'll throw a party. Have fun. And remember, it could always be worse! Then you won't want to go out and shoot poor defenceless sports teams.

"Until next time, thank you."

'Good evening, I'm Georgi Shpagin, live from the Isseron stadium for the second half of Tadjikistan - Iansisle, together with Saidomir Saradov, topscorer for WC27 and 28
'And we are playing again, say isnt that Rahmon Nabiyev there?'

'Yes it is, Nabiyev replaced an injured Tulberdiev, I dont know what exactly but I've been told that it has something to do with his knee.'

'For those supporters who werent tuned in during the first half, shame on you for missing it, and here a short recap of what happened; Daniel Kirponos sent a high pass towards Tulberdiev who had to jump to reach it, hitting Bennie Abernathy on the way back to the ground.'

'Yes and some Ians insisted that he was Offside, but a a replay of the incident shows Tulberdiev well behind Conrad Brandt when Kirponos sent his assist.'

'There was nothing wrong with Tulberdievs move and this was just an accident.'

'Abernathy broke his hip, they say.'

'He's an old guy, older than me and I quit playing international football eight years ago. No wonder the mans hip breaks so easily.'

'These old men are still the best team Iansisle has and you cannot deny that they must be experienced veterans.'

'They are certainly experienced veterans, they cant keep up with our guys on the physical level.'

Seventieth minute

'... Suchomlinovs fists stopped Cottons shot, a nice shot but also a nice sive by Suchomlinov'

'Hey Whats that?'

'What? Whats what?'

'Overthere, a supporter got over the fence and onto the field, he's got a red flag with a white gull wrapped around his body.'

'Seems to be all he's got wrapped around his body.'

'He's being chased by the ref and some policemen, but they cant catch him.'

'Now he throws himself into the nets of the Tadjik goal, atlast the Ians scored

'Suchomlinov didnt know how to deal with that one.'

'Maybe they should take that guy as striker.'

Eighty - seventh minute

'2-0 isnt bad but it could have been better.'

'With a team like this, it should have been 5-0. Look at all the offensive power that we have.'

'Tadjiks are known to take a slow start but once they get the engine running, there's little that can stop them.'

'And back to the game where we have Vladimir Yarygin moving over the left flank, sending a pass to Zyrianov who got away from his guard. Zyrianov controls the ball with the chest and drives it past Feckless with a powerful kick. Tadjikistan - Iansisle 3-0.'

'I wouldnt call it impressive but its a clear victory. All in all, Iansisle should be happy it wasnt more.'



OOC: Short RP, that I had to redo three times in small portions due to a piece of crap that some people call a PC, For some unknown reason it keeps crashing every five minutes I dont know i've I'll be able to RP much in the future because I have the irresistable urge to pull all the cables out and throw the 'thing' out of the window.

“Hello everyone and welcome to Tynelian Soccer Weekly’s continuing coverage of the 29th World Cup. Today Tynelia’s quest got off to a stumbling start as they lost to fifth seeded Atheistic Right who appear to have joined Tinsuvilia as the teams ranked below us that we can’t seem to beat. A late goal by jay masterson wasn;t enough as the Right prevailed 2-1. On the other hand we coutd be Praying2god who underwent a terrorist attack, player shooting and a 1-0 defeat at the hands of unranked Quackmybush. The rest of the matches came out as expected with McPsychoville winning 2-1 and Rordia coming on on top 2-0. I’m Sal Spikeman alongside Anna dalespin as always. So this was a bit of a shock wasn;t it?”

“Yes Sal, I think the team may have come into this match too overconfident and came out a bit sluggishly which the Atheistic Right took full advantage of our poor play early on. Ironically this was one of our few matches where the defense let the team down. On a positive note though at least we didn’t start out with our traditional string of early shutouts. But we will have to play much better on the road against Krajkovia if we’re going to have anything to look forward to in the second half. Winning these next two matches are extremely important now before going into a shaken Praying2god team.”

“Yes and before we regret on behalf of all TSW and all of Tynelia we wish to express our hopes that Crystal Berry makes a speedy recovery from her horrible shooting injury during the attack.”

“Indeed Sal, these things really put soccer into perspective. Soccer is supposed to be a time where teams compete in athletic competition in a friendly competitive environment. These scum who did such a thing should be hunted down like the animals they are.”

“I couldn’t put it any better Anna. But now the show must go on. Due to Tynelia’s sluggish start the Atheistic Right held the shot edge in today’s match by a 15-11 margin with a 4-2 quality attempt edge. Time of possession also heavily favored the visitors especially in the first half when they had a ten minute edge, Tynelia came back some in the second half but it was too little too late. Final edge was for the Right by six minutes. Now let’s head over to Mike McPhee and a look at the Top Guns of the tournament.”

“Thanks Sal, obviously Praying2god’s upset is normally at the top of the list of shocks among the top seeds today but they weren’t alone in the danger zone. Total n Utter Insanity did them one better by falling 1-0 to unheralded Carlitistia. Liverpool England did slightly better managing a 2-2 draw against Bostopia still a huge shock for the third ranked team in the world. Even number one seed in the world Bedistan had their hands full in a 3-2 win over Nikea. The drubbing of the day was a tie between Hockey Canada’s 4-0 shutout of Matterbuggy and Fmjphoenix’s 5-1 win over Zychibastan. Next for these teams they will be facing their chief competitors at the number 2 seed. Will the slow starters recover or is this going to be a cup full of surprises at the top. We’ll all know soon enough, back to you Sal.”

“Thanks Mike, Ok Anna, what do you think is going to happen on the next set of matches, #1 vs #2 and we’ll be up against the newcomers to world cup play, something that should be in our favor.”

“That’s correct Sal, Krajkovia should be a win for Tynelia, especially trying to rebound from what could be called a minor upset today. I think this should be a 2-0 margin of victory for us. I’m sure Amy Whiteworth wishes to improve on her poor outing this time around. Obviously you have to like McPsychoville’s chances against an obviously stunned and shocked Praying2god squad who are in real danger of going down 0-0-2 right off the bat, not that this is their chief concern at this time admittedly. Rordia should prevail as well and expect Quackmybush to not have the same result against the Atheistic Right which could very well find itself alone in first depending on goal differential after today’s matches.”

“Ok then Anna, we can only hope Tynelia bounces back this time around, another loss would be a disaster at this point in Cup play. As always we’ll be here immediately following Tynelia’s first road match of this World Cup for the post game wrapup. Until then this is Sal Spikeman for Anna Dalespin wishing everyone a good night.”

Dear diary,

Well...I can't be sad after a winning start to the campaign...but UIE really pushed us there...I'll really have to thank Jacob for scoring that goal because it really saved me my blushes there...but that said, we defended really well today...the new look defence looking really solid with Abby and Ingvar having another magnificant game covering the back 3.

Well, looks like I'll have to go back to the video and start ironing out our attack...hopefully we can get some momentum going at the start and get the points we need to really challenge for those top 2 positions...

Back to work...
D

“Your Majesty, the first results have arrived.” Declared one of the group of heralds who nervously stood in the throne room.

“And?...”

“We scored two goals against Chicanada Your Majesty, Sir James and your son Prince Jeffery both struck a blow against the foe.”

“Ah excellent another mighty victory for us then, so how many did the Crown Prince allow? Did he shut out the enemy once again or did he take pity and allow them one this time.” The king smiled expecting to hear of yet another great victory for Tessan. As he saw the heralds shifting on their feet before him his smile turned to a frown. “You mean we could only manage a tie despite these two mighty blows? How dare they!”

“Actually your Majesty...” one replied braver than the rest “they scored three and..”

“THREE! THE PRINCE SURRENDERED THREE GOALS!” the king thundered slamming his clenched fist against the arms of the throne.

“I’m afraid so Majesty, we lost. A late score and it as over.” Replied another.

“WE?!? No I did not lose. This was Duke Anton’s failure, how dare he allow our foe to score thrice against my gallant son. He will be punished even if he is a noble if he allows such things to continue. It was the commoners wasn’t it? They were distracting the Prince weren’t they? I knew sending them was a bad idea but ‘appease the commoners’ my advisors told me. Bah fools the lot of them, I should have listened to myself and added more knights! What do these commoners know of honor and glory? They’re lucky if they remember who their lord is nevermind the ideals of a proper knight and nobleman. Ten lashes for the so called defenders of their Prince who failed in their duty to him! The commoners as well if they played and failed.”

“No sire, the commoners were on the bench though Baron Kyle took a swing at Goodman lee after the match ended.” The herald pointed out

“Bah very well, spare the commoners their rightful lashings, they will certainly deserve one later I am sure. And make a note, be certain the plumbing does not work when these outsiders come here for our revenge. We’ll see how they fare in a match when forced to use chamberpots like common trash!” the King declared.

“As you command Majesty.” Replied the first who added “Shall we ready the dining hall for the arrival of the Kaze Progressa team and their staff? You children seem most excited to see the strangers.”

“Of course,” the king replied “These foreigners at least have not disrespected Us by thwarting Our will like these fools from Chicanada who will learn better next time we meet. Tis just a battle not a war and Tessan shall triumph against all odds despite treacherous play like this first match! Send the Royal herald in and be off with you.”

Bowing the heralds left.

<later the Royal herald appears on the balcony to address the people>

“Hear ye! Hear ye! His Most Noble, Righteous and Benevolently Beloved Majesty King John IV wishes to inform his faithful people regretfully that due to inclement weather, His Majesty’s first match in the World Cup has been postponed. But He wishes to assure his good people that our victorious run to claim this title shall begin soon and the Cup shall be brought home to Tessan for king and kingdom!”

<crowd cheers>

This is the TSN soccer network bringing the results of the first day of WC 29 qualifying. In one of the more shocking results of the day was in group 12 with top ranked (in the group) Praying2god losing to unranked Quakmybush. Cory Sorely scored a beutiful goal on a corner kick.

BSTV Sports Tonight

James: "Good evening sports fans, and welcome to BSTV Sports Tonight. I'm James Winston here with the newest member of the BSTV team, former Bedistan national football team striker Billy English. Good to have you here, Billy."

Billy: "Woo, let's do this!"

James: "Indeed. Our top story - World Cup qualifying is upon us once again, with the Lions having played their first match today against Nikea at historic Holmes Stadium in Columbia."

Billy: "When are they gonna tear that thing down, anyway? Place is like a hundred years old!"

James: "That's actually not far from the truth; Holmes Stadium was completed in 2004 and served as our original national stadium way back in World Cup 5. At 96 years old, it is the oldest sporting venue in the nation. A rather fitting place to play, actually, considering we hadn't played Nikea in several decades."

Billy: "Still freakin' old."

James: "Anyway, the game itself was very back-and-forth. Frankly, Nikea was quite surprising in many respects with the amount of energy they had, as well as raw talent. They were well in it the whole way, and for much of the second half it looked as though they might have even won the thing."

Billy: "I'm really not that surprised, James; you've got to remember that Nikea is technically an unranked team, and unranked teams are often grossly underestimated. Kenter Surf didn't prepare his players properly for this game, I think. The friendly against TLC was a good move on the surface, but frankly I think the Lions got complacent after scoring six goals in that friendly. Nikea was unlucky not to walk away with a point."

James: "Ah yes, the drawstring incident. Disaster for Jehurin Keletel as he gets tripped by his own uniform, causing that backpass to not reach its intended target and instead give Bedistan the 3-2 lead in the dying minutes of the match."

Billy: "I've heard of some unlikely ways to lose a game, but that one really takes the cake. Horrible luck for the Pandas there."

James: "Lions manager Kenter Surf had this to say after the match:"

[cut to footage of mini-interview]
Surf: "Well, Nikea really surprised us out there. I was thinking that after they'd been out of the international scene for so long, they wouldn't be able to get the job done, and I was wrong. They really should have gotten the draw there, to be honest. One thing I will say, though: no wardrobe malfunctions from OTC!"

Billy: "He didn't flash anyone! Well, I don't think. Personally I wasn't paying attention quite that closely."

James: "Getting a bit defensive there, eh Billy?"

Billy: "I don't see you denying it."

James: "After the break: the road ahead in Group 15, and does Bedistan have a chance to finally walk away with glory in this year's IAFL? Stay tuned."

http://img142.imageshack.us/img142/9163/starlogo2ti.jpg
Potential upset foiled

The Mateys kicked off the world cup qualifying campaign in what was as expected a very difficult game and Mateys where spared their blushes scoring late on in the game, and great credit goes to the effort put in by Geisenfried.

The Mateys fans greated the team onto the pitch with great enthusiasim, noise and alot of colour, but they where expantant for the Mateys to start the competition with a victory.

http://img504.imageshack.us/img504/4766/fansmk27ql.jpg


The ball was bogged down in the midfield for alot of the game with Geisenfried closing down the players very quickly. Livingston didnt have much chance to stream forward into the box as the Mateys carelessly gave away posession time and time again.

The Mateys where obviously frustrated with Bellucci trying an audacious lob from the near the halfway line which clearly annoyed Akobyi who had made a decent run.

The second half began the way the first had ended, with both teams playing a high tempo, and high closing down game. Kirk brought on Ballymacash's, David Irwin at 55 minutes for McNiece who really didnt have a good game today. Irwins holding style of play allowed Livingston to get forward more which started to open up the game a bit more. Livingstons fast thinking and superb passing found the runs of strikers and wingers but Kurt Ackermann held his lines well to deny the Mateys.

Mateys scored with captain Armstrong making a move up from the back he crossed the ball from deep but it had speed and curve, as it flew in, Akobyi judged it perfectly running to the near post the 6 foot 3 striker meant the ball with a superb header , 1 - 0

Final score
Lisburn Mateys 1 - 0 Geisenfried
Amusi Akobyi - 82

Ariddians in morale-boosting win

The Rouge-et-Noirs were off to a good start in the World Cup earlier today as they hosted Artoonia at Darras Olympic Stadium, Rêvane. It was a flawless performance, which no doubt went a long way towards restoring the team’s confidence in themselves after a disastrous performance in the Draggonnii Cup. A quick recap of the highlights. . .

The stadium was packed with Ariddian supporters, a sea of red and black, with flags waving cheerily as fans came to help their team in their first game. Artoonian fans were there as well, and not to be outdone, loud and colourful as their counterparts, though of course not nearly as numerous.

Before the national anthems were played, a full minute of silence was observed to heighten awareness of the unspeakable cruelty inflicted upon animals by the Cute Bunny Burger Corporation, one of the main sponsors of the World Cup. As you can see on the screen, several of the Ariddian players were very moved, and the camera centred for a while on midfielder Ta I, who had tears in her eyes.

Then it was time for the national anthems, beginning with that of Artoonia. The Ariddians fans rose and listened politely, while the Artoonian fans sang, then the Ariddians applauded in a spirit of respect for their opponents. Next came the Ariddian anthem, Dream, and you can see that the camera panned slowly over the eleven Ariddians on the field. They stood, arms over one another’s shoulders, in their red tops and black shorts. At one end of the line, James Fields had his fist raised as he sang the revolutionary anthem, and others, including Sanjeeb, Ta I and Ul U, also sang loudly. Others, such as Faraj, seemed only to be mouthing the words, but all joined in one way or another. Finally, as a last ritual before kick-off, came the much awaited ulek. The Artoonians stood their ground firmly as the Rouge-et-Noirs faced them with the fierce chant and war dance, to the cheers of their home crowd.

Vincento Chilaeno, the Legalese referee, blew his whistle and the match was underway. The Artoonians had the first ball, but within moments Wol Eosh had taken it off them and was sending a long pass to Ul U who ploughed into the Artoonian defence. The attack ultimately led nowhere, but the home fans were cheering, pleased to see their team attacking from the onset.

The issue of the match never really appeared doubtful. Artoonia played their best for a low-ranked side, but the Rouge-et-Noirs were full of energy and keen to prove it. In the sixth minute, Kyaw found herself alone facing the goal cage on a pass from Eosh. Chilaeno quickly whistled an offside, which Kyaw acknowledged with a smile, but the tone was set. The first goal came in the twenty-fourth minute, courtesy of Ul U, and Faraj inscribed a second in the thirty-eighth. In the sixtieth minute, Ariddia was awarded a corner kick, shot by Ta I, repelled by the Artoonian defence. . . and intercepted by Kyaw who, from outside the fray, kicked a superb shot right through the throng of players and into the goalcage. The twenty-four year old pumped her fists into the air with a huge grin.

In the seventy-seventh minute, Thérèse Chantier fouled an Artoonian attacker just inside Leduc’s penalty box, and was quite logically shown a yellow card. It was Artoonia’s best opportunity for a goal, but their penalty kick was well saved on a flying leap by Ariddia’s forty-year-old goalie Sandrine Leduc. Ariddia was not going to concede today; the score remained 3-0.

The other two favourites in Group 14 likewise were off to a good start, as Jeruselem dominated a hapless Sliponia 3-0 and Wentland gave a spectacular 5-0 performance against an unfortunate team from Mahaliastan. Elsewhere, the Anathematic Republics hosted Marceau State in Hell, and defeated a perhaps over-awed team 5-2. Audioslavia, Tadjijistan, Starblaydia, Rejistania, New Montreal States, Bedistan and the Archregimancy all began their competition with a win, while Andossa Se Mitrin Vega, surprisingly, was held to a goalless draw at home by a skilled side from Ulyanovia.

It was only once the match was over that the Rouge-et-Noirs were informed of the cowardly attack upon the players and staff of Praying2God. Hanifah Kyaw, the team’s unofficial spokeswoman, immediately reacted with the following:

“We join the international community, of course, in condemning these vicious, senseless acts. And, above all, our thoughts go to Crystal Berry, and her family and friends. We’ve had no news yet about how severe her injury is, but we all send her our strongest wishes and hopes and encouragement for her to make a quick recovery. Ahue’a so’e uw, Crystal. The world’s with you.”

Similarly, the Ariddian Football Association strongly condemned the acts of the players from Raging Penguins.

“Their disgraceful behaviour must no longer be accepted,” AFA President Anna Teals said firmly. “Our thoughts and sympathies are with the family of the referee who was killed. We understand their team is still on Anastasianian territory, and we call upon the Anastasianian authorities to have them immediately detained and put on trial. Should any player from Raging Penguins set foot in Ariddia, they will be instantly arrested, and extradited to the country of origin of the dead referee.”

[Nevvir] I'm Miranda Nevvir, and this is Channel 96 Sports News. National team manager Kevin Ferring has just released his team and formation for the home game against Tinsuvilia at the 95,000 seater Bostopia stadium. The team is as follows.

http://img307.imageshack.us/img307/4060/bostopiavtinsuvilia1jv.jpg (http://imageshack.us)

As you can see, Bostopia are playing an interesting 3 - 1 - 2 - 3 - 1 formation, giving themselves a lot more options in the centre of the pitch. The formation is designed to 'confuse the opposition more than anything, and make it undefendable against unless the opposition loses some options elsewhere on the pitch.'

Of course, Frank Mirring has not been named as a substitute due to his sprained ankle, and he is going to miss the rest of qualifying. We're taking a break now, see you in just a few minutes.

GRAHAM CITY SUN - Sports Section

Stars Get Off To Good Qualifying Start With Friendly; ]Victory

MADEIRA, PORTUGAL - At The Island Field in Madeira, the Stars played two games this week, one a warmup friendly against the world number one, the Bedistan Lions and their first World Cup Qualifying match against the newcomers Danskmark. The Stars came out against Bedistan reading and rearing to play, coming out with their expected starters and their tradition 4-4-2 formation, while Bedistan played the heavily takilan formation of 3-4-3, formerly a Clan favorite, and boy did the game match the Bedistani formation. The Stars quickly took the lead with a beautiful put away off a rebound from a Deldier cannon shot, putting the Stars up in the 4th minute.

However, their success was not to maintain for long, as Bedistan responded with four goals, two before the halftime mark and two after. But the Stars continued to give the number one's trouble as Bloudin and Daganopoulis put the Stars within one, but then the Lions quickly pulled away, making it quite clear that they deserved to be the number one squad and simply out played the Stars for most of the match. The being said however, the Stars held in and played exceptionally well, with the strikers putting in three and allowing the Stars to stay in the game. This proved to be a preview in terms of quality for the next game in Madeira against Danskmark.

Now, the Stars haven't always been ranked this low. There was at one point they were ranked ninth in the world, and finished fourth in a World Cup, however, the days of glory are long over, and the Stars seem perpetually condemned to the almost qualified. Now the Stars look to finally capitalize on a new manager, new formation and almost entirely new lineup. The Stars team is aimed to provide a physical challenge, with a quick midfield whose talents lie in ball distribution and handling, allowing them to trap the opponents midfielders and defenders in the middle third and then attack with the long ball. This strategy succeeded today against the unheralded Danskmarkians, with the Stars taking the early lead with a goal from Jonathan Kavangh from a long ball from James Kingston.

The Danskmarkians returned the favor just before halftime, catching Ryan O'Rory off guard after a tackle from their attacking midfielder. The midfielder took the ball and charged in one on one against Santander, and beat him high far post. Oliver Doig got the troops back into the game with a rousing halftime talk, and the Stars came out gunning, with Deldier making a beautiful run on the right side and chipping it over the keeper's head and into the goal. The Stars continued to dominate throughout the half, having a goal called back from an offside, and clanking two off the post. Overall, a thoroughly excellent win.

FINAL SCORE
The Lowland Clans - 2
Danskmark - 1

MD1- The Lowland Clans v. Danskmark - W; 2-1
MD2- Good Happiness v. The Lolwand Clans
MD3- The Lowland Clans v. Oliverry
MD4- Commerce Heights v. The Lolwand Clans
MD5- The Lowland Clans v. Adam Island
MD6- Collonie v. The Lowland Clans
MD7- Mrkvejnia v. The Lowland Clans
MD8- Danskmark v. The Lowland Clans
MD9- The Lowland Clans v. Good Happiness
MD10- Oliverry v. The Lowland Clans
MD11- The Lowland Clans v. Commerce Heights
MD12- Adam Island v. The Lowland Clans
MD13- The Lowland Clans v. Collonie
MD14- The Lowland Clans v. Mrkvejnia

Shuffled. Both the Becquerelian team on the field and the Becquerelian fans in the stands shuffled to their respective exits. The few Spammanian Plijous fans who made the sojourn to see their team play were joyous. Skipping, leaping, yelling. The Becquerelians, all of them, were mostly silent.

The coaches got to the locker room first. The door was already open. The coaches headed off to their offices to discuss the game. The players showered and changed, then waited for the coaches to come back.

And they did. Mark Crescentini, looking almost distraught, walked to the end of the room, sat in a chair, let out a long, dispirited sigh, and looked at his feet.

The team stared at him.

He finally looked up, and asked, "What in the world went wrong?"


And we turn back around to see what's behind us:


http://www.geocities.com/becquerelia/images/spammanianplijous.gif Spammanian Plijous - 1__________0 - Becquerelia http://www.geocities.com/becquerelia/images/becquerelia.gif


OUCH
Becquerelia Drops First Game At Home Against Plijous


ROENTGEN (JNS) - Becquerelia is stunned today after Spammanian Plijous pulled off the upset, beating the Black Cats 1-0 at a packed Phaeton Stadium.

"It's a bit of a shock, yes. But that's football. You win some, you lose some. And Spammanian Plijous weren't a bunch of nobodies. They were only rated about 20 spots below us, and almost qualified last World Cup. They came up big, and we didn't." said Head Coach Mark Crescentini during the post-game press conference. He was also quick to through cold water on the idea that giving the team the day before the game off cost them.

"How many times can you go over one team's style of team and players and all that? We did that over, and over, and over. One more time through wasn't going to add anything. How many times can a team run drills? We did that over, and over, and over again, and running the guys ragged once again wasn't going to help us a bit."

The National Team played tough, often getting the ball to the Spammanian Plijous side of the field, but failed in their attempts to get good quality shots on goal. Their attempts to score goals became more ragged and desperate after the Plijous goal in the 57th minute.

Razak Khalef, who attempted three shots on goal, leading the team, had this to say after the game: "If the shots weren't on the target, the goalie was there. If the goalie wasn't there, the shots weren't on target. Or maybe they'd get blocked by a defender in front of the goal. Either way, we didn't get any real good chances to score in all our shots."

"It's just a minor setback. We'll come back with some victories for sure."


Becquerelia's Current Results and Upcoming Schedule
Home Team Last
WIN DRAW LOSS
MD01: Spaamanian Plijous - 1 Becquerelia - 0
MD02: Becquerelia (0-0-1) at System Karela (0-0-1)
MD03: Becquerelia (0-0-1) at Intyny (0-1-0)
MD04: Becquerelia (0-0-1) at Audioslavia (1-0-0)
MD05: Haraki (0-1-0) at Becquerelia (0-0-1)
MD06: Cuation (1-0-0) at Becquerelia (0-0-1)
MD07: Becquerelia (0-0-1) at Elves Security Forces (0-0-1)
MD08: Becquerelia (0-0-1) at Spaamanian Plijous
MD09: System Karela (0-0-1) at Becquerelia (0-0-1)
MD10: Intyny (0-1-0) at Becquerelia (0-0-1)
MD11: Audioslavia (1-0-0) at Becquerelia (0-0-1)
MD12: Becquerelia (0-0-1) at Haraki (0-1-0)
MD13: Becquerelia (0-0-1) at Cuation (1-0-0)
MD14: Elves Security Forces (0-0-1) at Becquerelia (0-0-1)

You're Watching World Cup Tonight,
Only on http://ns.goobergunch.net/wiki/images/SBC_logo.GIFSport

The first Swilatian match in the World Cup 29, against the One Red Dot national football team ended in a draw. the scores were 1-1. Now lets not waste anymore time, and get to the match. After all, without it the show would be... um... pointles! So lets get to what the show is about.

Okay. In the first half, the field was chaotic place, Ball went everywher, but goals were none. Swilatia team was mostly all-out offense, while one red dot had it equal, and was not good at one and the other.

Wow. Your English really sucks. anway, you still have to admit, One Red Dot has an excellent goalkeeper. there were as many is 12 goal attempts in the first half by the Swilatian National Football Team, and One Red Dot's goalie stopped all of them. thats right, all of them.

Yes. In second half, things change. At 52 minute, Swilatia team try another sot and it is GOOOOAL! Wow! good playing Mitzi there. really shows that WE DO NO SUCK!

But your grammar does. learn english. and I mean actually learn it, not watch TV programs in it. Anyway, by the 67th minute, the Swilatian national football team started to think that One Red Dot would have no chance of scoring a goal, and more and more of us slowly started to think that. but at the 86th minute, the impossible happened.

In another word, that means that One Red Dot gets GOOOOAL! Yes, the thging about football is that is not predictable.

I do not findit fair that you say all the goals when you don't even know proper grammar. anyway our position is, and it's not important now because there has only been one match so far. so we will not post stands. sorry. Now we have to go, tune in tommorow for the dingzanwa match, which we have an even greater chance of winning.

Cuation In Group 4

Yet another attempt to get into the World Cup and Cuation do not look too good. A decent third place finish, three points behind Bettia failed to hide the lack of upsets from the Cuation team and way too many draws. A good Cup of Harmony followed, fourth place after a run of four games without conceding a goal.

This did not prevent a slide to 39th in the rankings and many veteran retired like Yan, Beanpole and Ashton. Fallen was drafted onto the right, Hargreves pushed up field and Giovanni went up front. The only good move seems to have been promoting Cheese to the back line but Cuation struggled, losing 5-1 to one side and hitting a dreadful run of form. Some changes have been made which adds some attacking bite.

Within easy reach in the rankings of the second placed team, this is a very kind draw for Cuation. The two big teams, one winnable, one not, are next to each other but Cuation open up with two easy games and finish with three games they should win.

Audioslavia (14) Matchday: 3(h) and 10(a)

The slaves are a very strong attacking side, Cuation may drop to a 5-3-2 formation to try and counter it, Butcher and the slowing Cole to try and overlap. If Cuation can pull of an upset against this team, it would provide breathing space.

Matches are not too important times but Cuation's best bet is to hope for one draw out of the two games. Slaves finish first

Haraki (35) Matchday: 4(a) and 11(h)

Well after losing to the strongest team in the group, Cuation will have a vital match against a team we have never played. Hawks play an attacking 3-5-2 so might dominate possession but Cuation's long ball style might work here. Fast risers, they qualified for the last world cup in only their second attempt but have they risen too fast too soon?

Hard to tell, are they a great team in the making, a top forty team or a one-off? We must win against this team to go through, I say we get four points but Hawks finish second due to more consistency.

Cuation (39)

No bye days, could be good in keeping up momentum or exhaust our players. A keeper playing badly, Cole losing his pace, Milnar and Giovanni do not defend, a show pony in the centre, things don't look too good but at least we have height up front in Lu Fei. We are too inconstant, we must finish off the little teams.

We will suffer a poor run of form and finish third.

Becquerelia (56) 6(a) and 13(h)

Having lost to the Hawks in their BoF final, this team have improved steadily over time. They suggest the Hawks team is too old and sense Cuation are in decline. Play a pressing 5-3-2 which will make them hard to beat. May lack the creative ability needed to score goals.

Two points, both hard fought games as both make late chases for the higher places in the group. Becquerelia let third place slip through their hands and finish fourth.

Spaamanian Plijous(85) 7(a) and 14(h)

Our last game, at home, this may be the team that ruins our chances. Colony of Spaam, they are nowhere close to the powerful side that their mother nation is. Underdog so still have some chance of frustrating us.

Six points for us but too strong to be lower then fifth.

System Karela (165) 1(h) and 8(a)

Karela should only be allowed for teams that are good at it, otherwise it is a form of football evil. Play to frustrate into a 0-0 draw but are a very poor side and it will hopefully not work for them.

Six points for us and second from bottom for the bringers of evil.

Intyny (187) 2(a) and 9(h)

Finished second from bottom of their seven man BoF group, don't expect them to do well here. Expect them to fight to avoid the Wooden Spoon, they are that bad.

Two draws here and bottom place.

Elves Security Forces (NR) 5(h) and 12(a)

They are either very brave or foolish to come into the World Cup with no experience. They may train but without the games, they may struggle to adapt for awhile. They have potential and play Dwier Titenburg as a sweeper in a 1-3-3-3 formation that may leave them at risk on the flanks.

Lack experience and will pay for it but we only grab three points out of six and finish sixth.

"What do you reckon, Ginge?"

"Don't think you've got much choice, Tommy...you can't argue with the three goal lead..."

"Yeah, I think you're right. I just don't want to upset the lads, I know it's their dream as well as mine."

"I'll talk to them. You know as well as I do it's only a matter of time. Most of that lot have had humiliating results before, they'll do it again."

"I can't even mix and match, really, can I? They'll think I'm showing favouritism."

"Yeah, we have to go with what's good for the country. Same again?"

"Yeah, same again."

It would certainly be no surprise to the Artoona natives to see the same Wentland line-up that tore Mahaliastan apart in matchday 1. It did surprise some of the Wentland players, though. "Thought Barnesy would drop a few of us at least," commented Jackie Edmunds. "I thought I was a goner."

"Maybe Barnesy's got more sense than I thought," said Billy Lawrence. "But he'll have our guts for wotsits if we lose to this lot."

On the flight to Artoonia, there was another surprise for the Wentland team. They were flying a couple of days earlier than normal but they thought this was because Artoonia was a new country for them. Instead the plane put down in Chicanada. "Just a little morale booster, boys..." said Tommy Barnes.

BERRY MAY BE FORCED TO RETIRE

The injuries that Warriors' reserve midfielder Crystal Berry suffered when she suffered a gunshot wound during the apprehension of the terrorists who took the Warriors hostage in their own locker room just before their WC XXIX opener may force her to retire. The best case scenario appears to be that she will be out for the rest of WC XXIX, and that her spot on the roster will be filled by somebody else, who will be named later, after the P2GSA meets to discuss what they should do. Berry's injuries are not believed to be life-threatening, though she is listed in serious condition at this time.


IDENTITIES OF TERRORISTS A MYSTERY

The P2G FBI has refused to release the names or nationalities of the terrorists who took the Warriors team hostage in their own locker room. The claim is that the names and nationalities will be released once an investigation into the incident is complete. One would think that the authorities would want all the help they could get in gathering information about the attackers, so why the mystery as to their identities? Hopefully, we'll get an answer to that question in the near future.


WARRIORS TO WEAR PATCH ON THEIR JERSEYS IN HONOR OF BERRY

The P2GSA did announce to day that the Warriors will wear a small patch on their jerseys with a CB and the date of the terrorist attack on them during the rest of their matches in WC XXIX in honor of Crystal Berry. The team also released a statement through the P2GSA saying that they're dedicating their performance in WC XXIX to Berry.

Elven Times
Florintine Makes Adjustments

With a lack of defencive spirit in the second half of the game at Audioslavia, Florintine has shuffled his lineup and formation. Clint Centron will be replaced by Placibus Hardsworth and Justinian Constant will be replaced by Harden Swent and they will be employing a 4-4-2.

St. Louis
Kries Titenburg Manderine Hardsworth
Cuellar
Stone Swent Collins
Night Zacharius

Florintine is hoping that the changes will spark something in the sqaud that they were obviously lacking in the second half of the Audioslava game. Hardsworth, while not the crack down defencemen Centron is, Hardsworth is able to help out on the offence and even score a goal or two. Swent, who has been in and out of the starting line up for the past few years, is a solid midfielder who adds abit of flare that his personality has. Hopefully these changes will translate into results, or else Florintine's future might be in jeporady.

Article By Ron Santapa

"You're listening to Schia FM, and welcome to Vanguard, Fmjphoenix for another edition of World Cup Sloths! I'm Mike Jones..."

"...and I'm Filipo Schiavone, and we are starting off with the headlines coming from Praying2God that Berry is being forced to retire."

"Eric Berry, retiring? What for? If any Schiavone player were to retire, I'd have thought it would be Craig McAndrew after being trampled by Warrior Treblah's steed."

"Well, just to make sure I asked him earlier, and he assures me that he is not retiring. It is a completely different Berry who isn't even a first choice player for her country."

"Still a shame, but a relief for fans of the Sloths. How is McAndrew, by the way?"

"Ah, he'll be alright, as ever. A few broken ribs, but nothing that won't heal in due course."

"Well, that's good news, I guess. Anyway, have you got the teams for today's game?"

"No. You have."

"Oh yes. Well, the Sloths are in an unchanged 4-3-3 from their game against Warrior Treblah. For the Vikings, we also have a first choice eleven. For those back home not familiar with them, that's Justin Keys in goal, Kayla Mik'ala, Brian Bash and Brian Sado the back three, a midfield quartet of Boyd, Howard, Silverlake and Jenkins, and their strike trio are Nolan, Dougood and Timmett."

"Well, one thing we can be sure of is goals, goals goals. Both sides with three up front and probably at least two pushing up from midfield all the time, or even from full-back in Schiavonia's case, especially as they have a spare man at the back who will generally push on and aid the midfield down either side. All in all, we are in for an intriguing and exciting encounter."

"Well, join us after these advertisements for full coverage of Fmjphoenix versus Schiavonia, live from Vanguard."

MD2 SCORES UP (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=11216977&postcount=4)

THE ARCHREGIMANCY BRINGS YOU

WORLD CUP TONIGHT

With Fr. Nicholas the Scribe and Fr. John the Golden-Throated


"So.... Fr. John.... Milchama.... The group's second seeds.... Surely we were in for a tough contest against the crypto-communist Hebrews?"

"That's what you'd think, Fr. Nicholas - if any match was going to provide us with a robust dose of soul-strengthening humiliation, it was surely going to be this one, but that's not how it turned out. Not at all."

"Shall we look at the highlights, Fr. John?"

"Why not.... why not.....

The players took to the field, Yaforite referee Igare Nuelu tossed the coin, and Milchama won the kick-off - and straight from that kick-off, Milchama star JJ Faren tried an audacious long distance lob that Fr. Justinian only just tipped over the bar. The icon-painting goalie almost caught napping there as he was putting the finishing touches on what I believe was an icon of St. Seraphim of Sarov. Fortunately, the resulting corner was easily cleared

If that had been an omen, you'd have expected Milchama to run away with the match, but that incident seemed to spiritually refresh the lads, and within 16 minutes they were ahead. Pevington seemed to foul Fr. Andrew the Twice-Found, but the oft-lost left-winger stayed on his feet, referee Nuelu allowed the advantage, and Fr. Seraphim headed a sublime cross past the hopelessly stranded Finton - who was, I must say, looking short of confidence.

And that's when things started to get ugly. Alas, the Milchama supporters reacted poorly to conceding an early goal after an encouraging start - no doubt they were still upser over that shock opening draw against Third England - and they started a most unseemly and unholy riot that also seemed to involve an appalling level of blasphemy. Clearly someone hadn't been paying attention to the rules for visiting supporters in the Archregimancy, and before you could complete the Nicene Creed, the entire away support had been sent back to ordinary reality on the spot.

So our Hebrish-speaking opponents weren't just a goal down, they were now completely devoid of support.

Milchama seem to be a side that thrive on confidence, but it had been completely drained from them inside 20 minutes.

Little surprise that our lads started to press their advantage, with Fr. Andrew and Fr. Pavel making the most of the space on the wings granted to them by Milchama's attacking 3-3-4 formation.

35 minutes in, Fr. Andrew - having one of his best games for the Archregimancy - found Fr. David the Water-Drinker with a cheeky back-heel, and Fr. David unleashed a trademark unstoppable volley that Finton very nearly kept out against all the odds. Very nearly. 2-0 to the Archregimancy and - realistically - game over.

Once again the lads shut up shop, withdrew to their half, and eased their way through the rest of the match. Just like Iaukea, it wasn't pretty, but it was certainly effective. And but for this 54th minute free kick from Copperlee that hit the post, only to be cleared by Fr. Dmitri, you have to say that Milchama seemed devoid of ideas of how to break the defence down."

"God be praised, Fr. John - two matches, two wins, and our nearest competition beaten."

"God be praised indeed, Fr. Nicholas. Where we were expecting a difficult campaign full of soul-strengthening humiliation, it seems that we might be destined for a calm, efficient campaign characterised by monastic humility."

"Let's look at the group 13 table...




P W D L F A GD PTS
Archregimancy 2 2 0 0 4 0 4 6
Chicanada 2 2 0 0 7 4 3 6
Kaze Progressa 2 2 0 0 3 1 2 6
East Lithuania 2 1 0 1 1 1 0 3
Third England 2 0 1 1 4 6 -2 1
Milchama 2 0 1 1 2 4 -2 1
Tessan 2 0 0 2 3 5 -2 0
Iaukea 2 0 0 2 0 3 -3 0

"And what about the other groups, Fr. Nicholas?"

"Well, Fr. John.... the heretical Warriors of Praying2God are already really up against it after losing their second in a row - the only first seeds to get off to such a poor start. Meanwhile, on Orthodox watch, New Montreal States were upset 2-0 by rising team Andossa se Mitrin Vega, while the Boyars of Magnus Valerius crushed Kedalfax 5-2. So a mixed day for the Orthodox footballing teams.

Now we just have to see how efficient we can be against Chicanada - who are scoring plenty of goals, but also conceding more than their share. They're looking dangerous, but far from invincible...."

Neil Kabants usually did not feel airsick but something during the trip on the specially modified BazAir passenger plane, but this was an unusual flight.. first the plane hit un-expected turbulence which caused an engine to stall. The engine was successfuly restarted.... Then there was a mistake and somehow there where plenty of full in storage tanks but none of it could get in the engine... there was a near crash into the ocean but they managed to get the fuel going and somehow they managed to land not in Benlandngdo but in Intyny. Somehow the pilot confused Benlandngdo's major airport with Intyny's. Probably something to do with both nations being in the Bazalope region of the Baptism of Fire. Either way they finally got to Benlandngdo's major international airport and headed right to the hotel for a nap.

The next day was the match.. and the Bazalopes where still quite jittery and unsure and so they left a space in the defense for a Benlandngdo striker (OOC: If only I had a roster...) to get through. Despite the shake up the Bazalopes still had enough presence of mind to prevent the rest of the attempts at goal.

Peter Hobble managed to get through the Benlandngdo defense many times but his targetting was way off. Hopefully next Matchday the Bazalopes nerves would settle and they would play some decent soccer

http://i57.photobucket.com/albums/g237/Zanziik/TFNlogo.png
Improvement Was Promised, And Improvement There Was!

3 - 0 for the favored Sturmkrieger; 'bout time!

Tinsuvilia came off Match Day 1's two - nil loss to Qazox poorly and in bad spirits. Keller, Kavelt and Answoir were each questioned in turn by their manager in order to find an explanation for their poor performance. Apparently it worked, because earlier today those three in particular shone. The game started with a magnificent individual effort in the 12th minute by Kavelt, who recieved the ball, juggled it several times, lofted it over the head of his defender, received it himself and proceeded toward the stunned Bostopian goalkeeper. A quick juke later, the ball was securely in the back of the net, and this goal set the tone for the rest of the match. Kavelt would score once more in the 43rd, and the half ended 2 - 0 for Tinsuvilia.

Coming out of the lockers at half, Imre Keller had yet to be tested due to superb attacking by his squad. But the Bostopians would turn up the heat in the second, and then Keller shined bright from a dirty position for the Sturmkrieger.

Faced with a corner, Keller expertly deflected a header merely inches from the goal, and when the ball was recieved by Bostopian striker Frank Mirring, the crowd in New Reichsburg was shocked as a questionable foul was whistled, just inside the box. Keller lined up opposite the striker in the penalty box, ready to prove his worth. And prove his worth he did, with a glorious diving save that preserved his shutout.

Tinsuvilia: 3 (Kavelt 12, 43; Answoir 78)
Bostopia 0

Chuck Norris News
For All Of Your Fighting Norris Coverage

Mr Chuck Norris 2 (John Fedo 17)(Brian Boitano 88)
Northern Caesarea 2 (Begines 71)(Maxi 76 Penalty Kick)

You at home may be thinking "what the hell happened there", but we're thinking "what the shit happened there". That's right Fighting Norris fans, your beloved team managed to only draw a team who they destroyed 3-1 not long ago. Was it fate... probably not... it was probably just us sucking. Moving onto the review of the match:

The Fighting Norris emerged onto the field with positive hopes of a repeat win they had seen over this team in the most recent Cup of Harmony. Unfortuantely, they would not get what they expected. The match started out all fine and dandy with the triangular formation of Fighting Norris forwards penetrating the somewhat unorganized Northern Caesarean defense. Brian Boitano and John Fedo, the Assisstant forwards of the Fighting Norris, pulled a great deal of ball control and showmanship to beat several of the defenders. After a rocket shot off the leg of Chuck Norris deflected of the Northern Caesarean goalkeeper Cuellar, the Fighting Norris set up for a corner kick. As Chuck launched the ball into the sky, it became apparent that the Northern Caesarean defense had made a vital mistake, leaving John Fedo wide open near the far post. With a shot the score was 1-0 in the Fighting Norris' favor as John Fedo put it away in the 17th minute.

The Fighting Norris decided to shift to a defensive strategy with their coveted advantage. As all of you Fighting Norris fans know, the team has been working feverantly on their "lacking" defense in an effort to be a better all-around team. This practice was extremely evident as the Fighting Norris cleared ball after ball out of their half of the field, leaving the score 1-0 at the half. As they walked off the field with giddiness and smiles, Northern Caesarean suddenly realized that they could not and would not under and circumstances return home losers against the Fighting Norris as they had in the Cup of Harmony.

Both teams arrived back on the field at the conclusion of halftime, but with very different mindsets. The Fighting Norris, overconfident of a win and the Northern Caesarean team, determined to even the score if not take the lead altogether. For the first 25 minutes of the second half, the Fighting Norris defense was still going strong, but beginning to show signs of fatigue. This fatigue became known when admitedly skillful Northern Caesarean midfielder Begines arched a ball from a long way away for a score in the 71st minute. With the score 1-1, the confidence and energy of the Fighting Norris were gone.

As play resumed, Northern Caesarea was on the offense once again almost instantaneously. Moving the ball around very effectively, Northern Caesarea made their advance on the Fighting Norris' goal, ready to leave with three points. As the ball was transferred to the Northern Caesarean forwards, the Fighting Norris defense began to question their own power. Fighting Norris defender Yianni Karvo, known for his agression, found himself the only player besides Fighting Norris goalkeeper Mr. Bednarik between Northern Caesarean forward Salmerón and the Fighting Norris goal. As a result, his tempers flaired and he fragrantly delived a boot to Salmerón's crotch, sending him to the ground in pain. As the referee held up a yellow card, the crown in La Estadia De Norris began to boo, knowing their defender deserved a red card for his actions. However, Salmerón was awarded a penalty kick accoridngly. As Salmerón stared down Fighting Norris goalkeeper Mr. Bednarik, the crowd silenced and began to pray. Salmerón approaced the ball and... a wave of sadness hit the crowd. Salmerón's score in the 76th minute put Northern Caesarea up 2-1.

With a little over 14 minutes left to play, the Fighting Norris knew what they had to do. The one advantage of leaving the Fighting Norris defense in charge of the game was that the offense of the Fighting Norris had much stamina to spare. With all they could muster, they advanced the ball and fought feverantly to tie the game. Luckily, Assisstant forward Brian Boitano delivered in minute 88 with a zinger into the goal. Time expired with the score 2-2, leaving one side in smiles and one in depression.

The Schedule of The Fighting Norris for World Cup 29
Matchday 1: Vs Northern Caesarea (Draw 2-2)
Matchday 2: At Risa-Aramour
Matchday 3: At Warrior Treblah
Matchday 4: At Fmjphoenix
Matchday 5: Vs Schiavonia
Matchday 6: Vs Vuam and Isma
Matchday 7: At Zychibastan
Matchday 8: At Northern Caesarea
Matchday 9: Vs Risa-Aramour
Matchday 10: Vs Warrior Treblah
Matchday 11: Vs Fmjphoenix
Matchday 12: At Schiavonia
Matchday 13: At Vuam and Isma
Matchday 14: Vs Zychibastan

The Fighting Norris' World Cup 29 Record: (0-1-0)

If it were possible, Frank Talbot was even more nervous going into the second World Cup start of his young career than he was before his debut. Even though he earned a clean sheet his first time out, the fact that this was the first away match for this new-look Sarzonia team and it was against longtime nemesis Rejistania just made the butterflies bigger than a crooked banker's account balance.

He stretched throughout the pre-match warmups, staring toward the centre circle as he saw the Rejistanians poised over the ball ready to kick off the start of the match. Going with a much younger Stars team and a team that didn't have a single cap collectively to its credit seemed like a stretch even against a newcomer to World Cup football. Against the world's eighth ranked team in an away match, it seemed like suicide.

All those thoughts swirled through Talbot's head, but they quickly went away as the Orange-Blues quickly had a scoring chance. Before he knew it, he was diving all over his box making saves, commanding the box, and doing everything in his power to keep the ball out of the back of the Sarzonian net. For their part, the Stars midfielders and forwards were having a terrible time of it against the Orange-Blues. At halftime, Rejistania outshot the Stars 19-8, with only one Stars bid on target. Talbot made five saves in just the first 45 minutes, and despite his usually quiet nature, he stood up in the centre of the locker room.

"Lads, they didn't make us the 18th ranked team in the world for nothing," he said. "You need to get your heads outta your arses and play Sarzonian football." If it had been any other player or if it had been either Coach Mark Wingate or assistant coach Brian Wilson, the players might have tuned out Talbot. However, as the goalkeeper who singlehandedly kept his team in the match, they took his comment to heart.

In the second half, Sarzonia outshot Rejistania 12-4, with five of Sarzonia's shots on goal. Talbot ended up making seven saves and Sarzonia finished the match just four minutes off Rejistania's possession totals (47 minutes to 43). They also evened out the corner kicks situation and the Stars finally looked like a team that deserved to be on the same pitch with Rejistania, although neither team dented the net in a 0:0 draw that felt like a victory by the Sarzonians since it was an away match.

But while most of the team was slapping themselves on the backs and congratulating themselves, Talbot was sitting quietly in the hot tub, trying desperately to draw enough energy to pull himself out. It was that kind of night for the Stars goalkeeper, even though he earned a second straight clean sheet and he had yet to concede a goal. Whatever he was making, he sure as hell earned every penny of it.

<The Football AR Edition logo and theme music came on the telelvision>

"Welcome to Football AR Edition, I'm Charles." - Charles

"And I am Darwin, We're the only surviving Football news in Atheistic Right." - Darwin

"Toda's match was an away match for the Archeopteri as they headed to unknown football team called Quakmybush." - Charles

"How did they go?" - Darwin

"Let's just say the Archeopteri showed them the respect the deserved, Quakmybush did not get anywhere near the Archeopteri goal and Puma scored a goal for us. Let's have a look at the video." - Charles

<the goalie leaps and stops an attack by Tasmanian Devil.. it was a very poor attempt from the Tasmanian devil and was easy pickings for the goalie. The Goalie passes to a defender who gets agressively tackled by Puma who manages to kick the ball while on the ground past the keepers reach>

"A great shot by Puma especially considering he was on the ground and that tackle was one of the best that I had seen him do." - Darwin.

"There you have it the final result was 0-1 to us as Bear decided that a 1-0 win was enough." - Charles

"Well, let's now look at the ladder for group 12." - Darwin


Name W D L GF GA GD Pts
Atheistic Right 2 0 0 3 1 2 6
McPsychoville 2 0 0 3 1 2 6
Rordia 1 0 1 2 1 1 3
Bothen 1 0 1 2 2 0 3
Quakmybush 1 0 1 1 1 0 3
Tynelia 0 1 1 1 2 -1 1
Krajkovia 0 1 1 0 2 -2 1
Praying2God 0 0 2 0 2 -2 0


"Now onto other interesting news in the world of Football, Praying2No-ones main team had been the subject of terrorist activity as unknown men gained access to the teams injuries. This only seems to further emphasise that you cannot rely on any 'god' and that the fittest will survive. If their squad had weapons then they could have easily gunned down their attackers but no.. they don't because of 'religion'." - Charles

"Exactly.. I never go anywhere with out at least one automatic weapon." - Darwin

"Well that's all we have time for, I'm Charles." - Charles

"And I am Darwin, Football AR Edition, The only surviving Football news in Atheistic Right." - Darwin

VIRGINIA NOVA 1
SEXY GAMES 2


NOVA RICHMOND-An Upset. That's all we can say after toady's loss to Unranked SG. The Game started today at 12:30 and was played in Heavy rains which might have had something to do with the final score. The game started the usial back and forth kicking of the ball occured.15 minutes into the game The Eagles had an oppurtunity to score. Dan Judd passed the ball to Hellios who passed back to Judd who passed it Harold Freemont who kick right to the SG goalie; no score. The Eagles did score at 38:13 when A Dan Judd Header got passed the goalie. This brought the score to 1-0 favoring VN. The Eagles almost scored again before the half but Jimmy Hellios stumbled with the ball an it was easily defended. With the score 1-0 at half everything looked good for the Eagles. But the second half was another story. The Eagles missed an oppurtunity to score when Dan Judd's Kick went to the left. That's when thing's went south. at 50:05 Goalei Alex Potter made a routine dive for the ball when he hit his head against the goal. He Will Miss next weeks Match with AwalKB. SG took advantage of new goalie B.J. Hampden by scoring twice at 53:45 and 59:32. These two quick goals really shook up the Eagles as they had three oppurtunites to score but none got past the Goalie. The first oppurtunity came at 68:19 When a Jimmy Hellios tripped while on a breakaway. Next came Dan Judd at 73:18 who also had problems with the footing missed on a penalty kick. And finally at 93:24 when Harold Freemont missed wide left. Next week will be a game against an up and coming team from AwalKB. this team could be a potential spoiler. for either Starblaydia or Bettia. This will also be the christening game for the brand new SU Stadium in Nova Gatlinburg. Home of Liga Devlopmente expansion team Sportik Union. let us hope that the Awalian's are distracted by the scenery.

Over Partying Causes Quakmybush National Team A Loss


After defeating Praying2God in their first ever World Cup game, the players from Quakmybush decided to go party. This was a bad decision. Today they played Atheistic Right and sufferd a 1-0 loss. The game was close, but not that close. Had the team maybe have gotten 1 or 2 more hours of sleep the results might have been different. Keep in mind that Quakmybush is an unranked team and Atheistic Right is ranked 87th in the world. The team will try to get back into the win coloum tomarrow against the squad from Mcpsychoville.

Elven Sports Network
Current Show: Football Central

"Welcome everyone to tonights show. I'm Jason Klien in studio with Jennifer Sar and our special guest Kyla Night. Kyla was a crucial part of the Marauder victory tonight. So tell my Kyla, what did uall do different to come up with a victory?"

"Well with the changes Forty did to the line up really helped. I don't know why, but we were just electric with Swent and Hardsworth in the line up. Both are great guys on and off the pitch, and its good to see them get in the line up. I was estatic when Swent got that goal in the 53rd minute. That goal was the clincher, it really demoralized Spammanian."

"Speaking of goals Kyla, those two by you were amazing. You continue to dazzle and amaze on the international stage. Lets take a look at all three goals."
*Camera Switches to Highlights*
19th Minute
Stone recieves the ball from Kries, she dribbles down the line. She crosses it into the penalty area. Collins brings it down, passes to Night. She has two men on her, she needs to pass out that. What, oh my, Goal!!!! She put the ball between the poor fellows feet, spun him, and then tucked it into the bottom corner, brilliant.

38th Minute
Well the Marauders are really dictacting the play. This is exactly like how they came out in the first half against Audioslavia, lets just hope they can keep it up for the full game now. Cuellar takes down the lob from St Louis and turns to survey the field. He drops it off for Swent, who takes it cleanly and is sprinting upfield. Zacharius is calling for the ball, and Swent puts in a perfect through ball to him. Zahcarius is making trying shake his man, he dishes it to Night, she loads up and GOALLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLL!!!!!!!!! Top left corner, with the power of rocket launcher behind it.

53rd Minute
Brilliant first half for the Marauders, dominating every part of the game. Spammanian is bringing the ball down the pitch, oh and there is Manderine to take it off his feet. Manderine clears the ball, Swent takes it and no one is between him and the goalie. He's into the penalty area, keeper is coming out. Bingo, another goal. Tough for keeper to stop that, when a player springs free like that. Of course, Harden still had to lift it above him. That should all but clinch this game.
*Camera Switches Back to Studio*

"Heh, I didn't realise how brilliant that first goal was. I just saw the opening, and knew if I could get it past them, I'd have a great scoring chance. It's great to be able to get to see it as a viewer for once."

"I'm sure it is. Now Kyla, me and Jennifer are wondering if we can expect this play continue. I mean, you have 3 goals in just two games, at the pace you're going. you're going to end up with 21 goals in qualifying."

"*chuckles* I don't know. I mean, I'm just in a groove right now. I was when I left the Twilight for training, and it's stuck. I'm hoping that it stays until we're done with the tournament, hopefully with a few more victories in hand."

"Well so does all of the ESF. We thank you for coming on today and wish you well in the rest of your games."

"Thanks for having me, and I appreciate it. Take care of yourselves"

*Kyla exits the studio*

"Jennifer, I hear you have updates on the rest of the group. Care to give our dedicated fans the newswire?"

"Yes I do, and I'm sure they already know that group favorites Audioslavia trounced 2nd seed Haraki 4-1, Becquerelia took care of System Karela 2-1, and the unknown Intyny squad managed a draw against 3rd seed Cuation 1-1. Here is group standings."

Group 4
Team
Audioslavia 6 Points GD: +5
Cuation 4 Points GD: +1
ESF 3 Points GD: 1
Becquerelia 3 Points GD: E
Spaamanian Plijous 3 Points GD: -2
Intyny 2 Points GD: E
Haraki 1 Points GD: -3
System Karela 0 Points GD: -2

"We thank everyone for watching, stay tuned next time when we have analysis and comments following the next game against Haraki. For my partner Jennifer, this is Jason Klien signing off."

End Broadcast

Chuck Norris News
For All Of Your Fighting Norris Coverage

Mr Chuck Norris 3 (Chuck Norris 22, 33, 44)
Risa-Aramour 2 (Forward "A" 7, 11)

Finally, this is what the Fighting Norris should be doing. Risa-Aramour, a team that the Fighting Norris will hate forever. A team known for concealing information about their team to keep outsiders guessing during matches against them. A team who beat the Fighting Norris 2-1 in their one and only Baptism of Fire tourney. A team who were so much fun to beat... words cannot describe it. Well technically, words can describe it, and we're going to describe it words right now:
BINGO BANGO BUNGO BILL BOPS A STRAIGHT BAM!
That pretty much sums up the sheer pleasure encountered in getting revenge over this hated team. Allow us to review:

The match opened with the Fighting Norris up against a team they knew nothing about. This enabled Risa-Aramour to enstate a potent offense against the very average Fighting Norris defense. Ball control and general trickiness allowed Risa-Aramour's Forward "A" to score in just the seventh minute. Down 0-1 in was not a place the Fighting Norris wanted to be against a team like Risa-Aramour, but knowing nothing about them proved to be a killer.

So much of a killer in fact that Risa-Aramour was able to stage yet another successful offensive immeadiately after play resumed. Despite Yianni Karvo's best efforts, Risa-Aramour's Forward "A" was yet again able to get open to receive a cross from Midfielder "B" of Risa-Aramour for his second score of the day in the eleventh minute. As the Fighting Norris looked up at the scoreboard, they realized that it was now or never, this game had to be turned around... and fast.

And turned around it was. Finally the Fighting Norris midfield set themselves into motion and began to advance the ball in the right direcetion. After skillfully evading several defenders, he found himself in the corner of the field. Wisely, he chose to kick the ball off of Risa-Aramour Defender "B" to set up the Fighting Norris corner kick. As Chuck Norris lined up to boot the ball into play, everyone took their positions. However, Chuck decided to pass the ball way out to open midfielder OJ Pimpson, who headed the ball back to a wide-open Chuck Norris. Who is dumb enough to leave Chuck Norris wide open? After a quick advance and a roundhouse kick, the score was now only 1-2 in Risa-Aramour's favor as the 22nd minute passed. However, this score is still a loss and unacceptable by the Fighting Norris' standards. So what do you do at a time like this?

BRING IN SOME MORE CHUCK NORRIS! As Brian Boitano and John Fedo advanced the ball down the field for the Fighting Norris, Chuck found himself being defended by several Risa-Aramour defenders. However, being defended by a bunch of Risa-Aramour defenders is like being covered in whipped cream; it doesn't prevent you from scoring goals in the 33nd minute and it kind of makes you feel are warm and fuzzy inside. So naturally, the equalizer was put away and the 33nd minute passed with the score 2-2.

However, not even a draw would be tollerable, the nation, the team, Chuck Norris himself wanted... no... needed more than that. Time ticked down in the half as the Fighting Norris offense marched once again. Chuck Norris found himself with the ball once again, but retreating after being jumped on by many Risa-Aramour defenders. Not knowing how much time was left in the half, Chuck thought he was out of time. He popped the ball up with his foot and Roundhouse kicked it toward the goal from a good dsitance out. Catching Risa-Aramour's goalkeeper completely off-guard, the ball bounced into the net and the deed was done in the 44th minute. The half expired with the Fighting Norris up 3-2. Chuck had saved the day, and earned himself yet another hat trick in World Cup play.

Finally up a goal, the Fighting Norris switched to an extremely defensive strategy for the second half. Luckily, Risa-Aramour was completely demoralized after blowing their two-goal lead and had no chance to retaliate. The Fighting Norris defense utterly dominated the second half, bringing it to the sweet-as-candy end. 3-2 was the final score, earning the Fighting Norris 3 points toward their team as group play continues against Warrior Treblah very soon. Be sure to tune in!

The Schedule of The Fighting Norris for World Cup 29
Matchday 1: Vs Northern Caesarea (Draw 2-2)
Matchday 2: At Risa-Aramour (Win 3-2)
Matchday 3: At Warrior Treblah
Matchday 4: At Fmjphoenix
Matchday 5: Vs Schiavonia
Matchday 6: Vs Vuam and Isma
Matchday 7: At Zychibastan
Matchday 8: At Northern Caesarea
Matchday 9: Vs Risa-Aramour
Matchday 10: Vs Warrior Treblah
Matchday 11: Vs Fmjphoenix
Matchday 12: At Schiavonia
Matchday 13: At Vuam and Isma
Matchday 14: Vs Zychibastan

The Fighting Norris' World Cup 29 Record: (1-1-0)

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SportsnetRV Soccer Central

Marceau Romps over Rorysville in a stunner at Invasion Field in Downtown Marceau City. The Loss has sent shockwaves throughout the country of Rorysville and the Entire State of Marceau.The Game was over as soon as it started or so we thought. Rorysville opened up scoring just 5 minutes in and added another at the 33rd minute as Neguanne broke through the Marceau Defense and Rifled a shot to the top corner beatting former teammate Cossile and putting the Moose Faithfull into a boisterous celebration in the stands that ended very soon as Marceau answered very quickly with a goal by Lezclair a former Rorysville striker made the crowd go insane as he beat 3 RV defenders and Blasted a shot past Linstrom at teh 40th mninute then at the 45th minute Maxime Fréchette Pulled off what is being called the goal of the Tournament as he volleyed a shot past Linstrom to tie the game at 2 all in the stoppage time of the First half the other Fréchette Martin scored to put marceau up 3 to 2 at the half. Marceau would continue on thier rampage scoring 3 more in the second half to end the game 6-2 The Fans of Marceau Flooded the Field and the Streets and Bars reported parties until 5am after this victory.
"Well This one is tough a loss is a tough thing but when you lose to that ******g team it hurst even more. I will definitly be looking for revenge when we welcome them into Celtic Field on Matchday nine. they took over the game and those five that decided they wern't for us definitly made a difference in that young team and those Fréchette's are something to behold. With that said a six to two loss is unacceptable If this team can't get going expect changes to be made."--Coach McKlintok
"Wow the annamosity shown by Coach McKlintok twords my team is amazing I really hope he gets fined for his comments they are innapropriate for the public of he really feels that way he should leave it in private. People like that are why Rorysville and Marceau will always be separted I guess the feelings of the 60's still live on in some Rorysville Homes. as for teh Game this team and these fans are amazing the Fréchette brothers are a driving force and I think the five that played for Rorysville were buoyed by the fact that they were playing thier former club"--Coach Vignault


Scoring Summary
RV-J.Pérez(5min)
RV-A.Negeuanne(33min)
MR-Lezclair(40min)
MR-Mx.Fréchette(45min)
MR-Mrt.Fréchette(45min+2)
MR-Mx.Fréchette(62min)
MR-Mx.Fréchette(79min)
MR-J.S.Cousteau(87min)

SportsnetRV Man of the Match-Adam Negeuanne
Moosledge Systems Player of the Game-Maxim Fréchette
Slam Sports Marceau Player of the Game-Fréchette
SportsnetMR Man of the Match-Vincent Lezclair

Rorsyville WC XXIX Schedule
MD1- Sativaville D 2-2
MD2- @ Marceau L 6-2
MD3- @ Horzel
MD4- @ Squornshelous
MD5- Dance 2 Revolution
MD6- Anathematic Republics
MD7- @ Sarvoski
MD8- @ Sativaville
MD9- Marceau
MD10- Horzel
MD11- Squornshelous
MD12- @ Dance 2 Revolution
MD13- @ Anathematic Republics
MD14- Sarvoski

Hawks Drop Second Game
From the Atherlon Times

Tom Bucket, Audioslavia. The Hawks today lost their second World Cup 29 qualifying match 4-1 against group top seeds Audioslavia, calling into question the team's ability following Matchday One's shaky draw against 7th seed Intyny.

Although the Hawks tried to maintain their composure, a Jari Saikonnen goal at only nine minutes in shook Harakian keeper Mark Stone's confidence, and Audioslavian midfield Dietmar Rachmaninoff managed another at twenty-four. Mike Zendar scored Haraki's only goal at forty-five plus one minutes off a nice cross from Matthew Thompson, which Zendar simply tipped in. But Audioslavian midfield and forward play proved much too much for the Hawks, who seemed somewhat lacklustre, a throwback to their performance against Intyny when they seemed quite uninspired.

Although Haraki's midfield play against Intyny was their strongest point, today it seemed to need a lot of work, with Haraki's midfield game falling apart against the Audioslavians, who created numerous scoring opportunities and capitalized on several of them for a convincing victory. In the second half after Saikonnen managed another goal against Stone at sixty minutes, Harakian coach Lloyd Vargas pulled Mark Stone from the field, and as he jogged off he hung his head as if in shame, with Haraki's U21 goalkeeper, Chris O'Hara, taking the field. He allowed only one goal past him, at eighty-six minutes, by Arturo Vitalis.

The Hawks have been criticized for the age of some of their players, but their play was still undisputedly good in practice. Many are wondering if Haraki simply can't take the heat this year, and already their qualification is in doubt. With twelve games left in the group, the Hawks will get many chances to redeem themselves. On the next matchday, the Hawks will play Elves Security Forces at home in Atherlon at Champion Field. The match has already sold out, so the Hawks will be playing to a packed Harakian house.

Coach Lloyd Vargas has announced that due to a strain on his tendon, Mark Stone will not be starting the match against ESF, rather Chris O'Hara will take over. Stone, who performed incredibly well during season play for his club, North Susa FC, has shown a dismal display throughout world cup qualifying so far. Only time will tell if O'Hara can bring the team their first win or if Stone can get his confidence back. Other changes include that Vargas will be bringing on U21 midfielder Theo Angelica for Luke Ford and defender Daniel Halner for back-centre defender Gary Willis, who performed poorly in both matches.

Already the Hawks have fallen to seventh in the group with only one point to their name. With twelve matchdays left, there is still plenty of time to win a qualifying spot, but it looks like it may be an uphill battle for the Hawks.


Haraki 1 - Audioslavia 4

(9) Saikonnen
(24) Rachmaninoff
Zendar (45+1)
(60) Saikonnen
(84) Vitalis

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The Official Newletter of Marceau International Soccer

Marceau Romps over Rorysville in a stunner at Invasion Field in Downtown Marceau City. The Loss has sent shockwaves throughout the country of Rorysville and the Entire State of Marceau.The Game was over as soon as it started or so we thought. Rorysville opened up scoring just 5 minutes in and added another at the 33rd minute as Neguanne broke through the Marceau Defense and Rifled a shot to the top corner beatting former teammate Cossile and putting the Moose Faithfull into a boisterous celebration in the stands that ended very soon as Marceau answered very quickly with a goal by Lezclair a former Rorysville striker made the crowd go insane as he beat 3 RV defenders and Blasted a shot past Linstrom at teh 40th mninute then at the 45th minute Maxime Fréchette Pulled off what is being called the goal of the Tournament as he volleyed a shot past Linstrom to tie the game at 2 all in the stoppage time of the First half the other Fréchette Martin scored to put marceau up 3 to 2 at the half. Marceau would continue on thier rampage scoring 3 more in the second half to end the game 6-2 The Fans of Marceau Flooded the Field and the Streets and Bars reported parties until 5am after this victory.
"Well This one is tough a loss is a tough thing but when you lose to that ******g team it hurst even more. I will definitly be looking for revenge when we welcome them into Celtic Field on Matchday nine. they took over the game and those five that decided they wern't for us definitly made a difference in that young team and those Fréchette's are something to behold. With that said a six to two loss is unacceptable If this team can't get going expect changes to be made."--Coach McKlintok
"Wow the annamosity shown by Coach McKlintok twords my team is amazing I really hope he gets fined for his comments they are innapropriate for the public of he really feels that way he should leave it in private. People like that are why Rorysville and Marceau will always be separted I guess the feelings of the 60's still live on in some Rorysville Homes. as for teh Game this team and these fans are amazing the Fréchette brothers are a driving force and I think the five that played for Rorysville were buoyed by the fact that they were playing thier former club"--Coach Vignault


Scoring Summary
RV-J.Pérez(5min)
RV-A.Negeuanne(33min)
MR-Lezclair(40min)
MR-Mx.Fréchette(45min)
MR-Mrt.Fréchette(45min+2)
MR-Mx.Fréchette(62min)
RV-D.Devanns (72min)
MR-Mx.Fréchette(79min)
MR-J.S.Cousteau(87min)

SportsnetRV Man of the Match-Adam Negeuanne
Moosledge Systems Player of the Game-Maxim Fréchette
Slam Sports Marceau Player of the Game-Fréchette
SportsnetMR Man of the Match-Vincent Lezclair

Marceau's WC XXIX Schedule
MD1- @ Anathematic Republics L 5-2
MD2- Rorysville W 6-3
MD3- Sativaville
MD4- @ Sarvoski
MD5- @ Horzel
MD6- Squornshelous
MD7- Dance 2 Revolution
MD8- Anathematic Republics
MD9- @ Rorysville
MD10- @ Sativaville
MD11- Sarvoski
MD12- Horzel
MD13- @ Squornshelous
MD14- @ Dance 2 Revolution

Standings after Matchday 2
Group 1 GP W T L PTS GD GF GA
1 Anathematic Republics 2 2 0 0 6 6 8 2
1 Squornshelous 2 1 1 0 4 2 3 1
1 Dance 2 Revolution 2 1 1 0 4 2 3 1
4 Marceau State 2 1 0 1 3 0 8 8
5 Sativaville 2 0 2 0 2 0 2 2
6 Sarvoski 2 0 1 1 1 -2 0 2
6 Rorysville 2 0 1 1 1 -3 5 8
7 Horzel 2 0 0 2 0 -5 0 5

QSPN FOOTBALL WEEKLY

Rottenburger: "Welcome to Green Wombat Stadium, located somewhere in Green Wombat. I'm Ben Rottenburger and with once again is Vic Ditale. Vic.. how do you think this match between regional rivals will end?

Ditale: "I THINK THE OXEN WILL RUN OVER THE WOMBATS LIKE AN OXEN RUNNING OVER WOMBATS...WOMBATS WITH A CAPITAL W!!!!"

Rottenburger "Yeah.... anyway the match is about to start and Green Wombat will be playing in thier home white while the oxen will be in their road grey
...<fast forward to 20th minute> And Becky Leflore has been carded, a yellow for her, as she went in hard and nailed Jamie Bookman right in the privates. Bookman lines up for the penalty...AND SCORRRRRRRRESSSS!! right in the lower left corner as Douglas Wayne jumped towards the right and the Black Oxen strike 1st here in the 20th minute...

!!<<fast forward to 33rd minute>> Gonzalez crosses back to Goya, Goya looks and shoots, off the keep and out for a corner kick. Andrew Mason lines for the corner, lobs it into the 6 yd box, and SCORRRRRRRRRRE!!! a header from someone.. i can;t see..It was Nelson Macgillivray, who was subbed in for Jaime bookman in the 22nd minute as bookman was injured by that shot to the groin earlier which lead to the penalty by Bookman. Nelson Macgillivray scores his 1st Cup goal and the 21 yds old striker will be celebrating tonite!....

<fast forwards to 47th minute stoppage time. And Juanita Hess looks, shoots and The wombats are back in it 2-1 with an stoppage time goal for the wombats are they are back in the match.. and there's the whistle ending the 1st half its Oxen 2- wombats 1...

<[FF to 58th minute>the wombats are looking for the equalizer here a free kick from about 15 yds out, Norman Mattos lines it... and scores just over the hand of Hassok and its tied 2-all here in the 58th minute as Qazox has blown a 2 goal lead...

<FF to 73rd minute> Kelly Kinkade, just subbed in for Andrew mason a few minutes ago, takes the throw, drives towards the box, lofts a shot, blocked by the keep and he LOSES IT... Goya gets it and she SCORRRRRRRREES!!!! 3-2 Qazox now in the 73rd as Marie Goya takes the misplay of Wayne and drills it home to give the OXen the lead!!

<FF to 90thminute> and there will be about 2 minutes of stoppage time here as the wombats try to hold off this lengthy attack an try to square it up again. Gretsky to Macgillivray, he holds it, looks for goys, passes taken away by Leflore.. and its taken by Macgillivray, and he shoots and GOOOOOALLLLL!!!! in stoppage time Qazox has scored again effectively ending the match as its now 4-2 and the referee has stopped the match now as bottles and other debris rain down upon the feild and he calls it. the match is over... a great match, spoiled by the rough and rowdy wombat fans.

(post match stuff)

Up next for the Black Oxen is a trip to Benlandngdo, which may be a trip-up game as the Oxen will travel to Liverpool England after. hopefully they will not lok past this team to LE as that has cost us in the past. For QSPN and Vic Ditale I'm Ben Rottenburger.


Green Wombat: 2 (Hess 47th+; Mattos 58th)
Qazox: (4 Bookman (1) PK-20th; Macgillivray (1,2) 33rd, 91st+; Goya (1) 73rd)
Bookings:
Yellow: GW: Leflore 20th
Yellow: Qazox: Megia 55th

GREEN WOMBAT FREE PRESS

Qazox is just better i guess as they blew a 2-mil lead, but still won by 2 gaols 4-2 earlier today in Wachovia. Hess and Mattos each scored thier 1st ever goals, but the team still needs to work on its defence. Up next for the Wombats is Tinsuvilia who also lost to the DAMNNED oxen by 2 goals, but as they were shut out, we won so we may have the advantage.

In other Group 8 matches today LE came back from thier shocking draw to beat Cataduanes 2-0, Benlandngdo upset Bazalonia 1-0 and Tinsuvilia beat bostopia 3-0. The Group looks like this after 2 matches:


TEAM W-D-L PTS GF GA GD
Qazox 2-0-0 6 6 2 +4
Liverpool England 1-1-0 4 4 2 +2
Catadaunes 1-0-1 3 4 2 +2
Tinsuvilia 1-0-1 3 3 2 +1
Benlandngdo 1-0-1 3 1 4 -3
Bazalonia 0-1-1 1 1 2 -1
Green Wombat 0-1-1 1 3 5 -2
Bostopia 0-1-1 1 2 5 -3

SATIVAVILLE STONER
We tell you Where the Doritos Are!!

Reporting from Sarvoski, I'm Monty Python. the Fritos didn't score a goal for the 1st time in thier short history, but didn't lose as they drew the hosts 0-0. the match was very slow placed as a blizzard blanketed the area. the match was delayed by 2 hours to allow crearing of the pitch, but the bad weather made for bad footbal as neither side could do much offensively.

Up next for the Fritos is a trip to Marceau state, a team we've beaten twice before, but this will be the first meeting of these teams not in Legalese. I expect a very close match with one goal deciding it one way or the other.

STILL DEMORALIZED WARRIORS FIND THEMSELVES IN A DEEP HOLE

It was clear to anybody who watched the Warriors yesterday that they really didn't want to be there after what had happened before their opener. Having to play the second seed in their group didn't help matters any. However, the Warriors managed to prove how resilient they are by keeping McPsychoville close, only surrendering an early goal. The Warriors are the only team in Group 12 without a point after two matches. They need to get things turned around quickly if they are to have any hope of qualifying at all.

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Unicorns Looking Better On Road

Queen Sonya looked over the stadium somewhere in Tecpatl. The loss at home against Kelse still burned a bit, but hopefully today’s match would do something to alleviate that a bit. If the Unicorns couldn’t manage to come away with something positive in this one, the whole campaign might just be shot this early.

She looked at her squad - The Mystical Unicorns.There was none of the frivolity that usually could be found when they took the pitch. Today it was all business. The Queen smiled slightly in approval. They would win today. They always did when in this frame of mind.

The match started quickly as Tecpatl and the Kingdom both battled for better position. The action was intense and for what seemed to be forever, no one could find any room to advance. Tisa Laos made a marvelous tackle in the 23rd minute and that finally gave the Unicorns a spark to build on. Five minutes later, Maurita Deni’s shot went wide but a streaking Altáriël Telperiën found it and scored her first of what will be many goals during these qualifiers. ( Telperiën has scored 99% of all WC goals for the Unicorns ). The 1st half ended with the Unicorns up 1-0.

The second half saw a focused Tecpatl squad fight hard to get back into the match. And they did that in the 63rd minute by a nameless player. But the Unicorns would find the goal again in the 80th minute by Zana Jablon after a beautiful steal and pass from Brigette Deteso.

Those who have faced the Mystical Unicorns in the past know all too well that Altáriël Telperiën is the only - let me repeat that - only scoring threat on the pitch. But just so all of you realize this - 2 matches played. 3 goals scored. And 2 of them belong to Jablon. The revamped roster and excess training is finally working. Better pay attention to everyone else now.

The next match will also be away, this time in Aigosthena. That is probably a good thing considering the throngs of peasants with pitchforks waiting for our return home. They take home losses very seriously in the Kingdom.

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Sea Dragons Shock Paladins 2-0

This is Kellan Kildan reporting live from New Montreal States.

Yep, that’s right folks. This is the very same New Montreal States that made the trip to ASMV for the third Draggonnii Inviyatii and won the damn thing. The same New Montreal States that have cruised up the rankings like a missile and now sit at #7 in the world. The same Paladin squad that should make us wish for easier matches.

The Sea Dragons seemed to be ready for the match even though they had struggled against Ulyanovia at home on MD1. Surprisingly the defense had been the strongest aspect of the squad’s performance even though half of the defensive starters from the past four cups had retired. It was the offense that was having trouble. For the Sea Dragons not to score a lot is of no surprise. The squad is known for defense. But scoreless against Ulyanovia was unacceptable at best.

Aging stars Porche Alexander and Pablo Iglesias made their start at forward as expected. The defense did its job with Genesis Galluccio and Micah Swift leading the very physical play. That worked fine as NMS was thwarted at every opportunity. Porche and Pablo continued to struggle anf the first half ended 0-0.

The time had arrived for a change. Enter Leena Draghi and Ali Devincenti. The entire feel of the match was changed. Younger legs gave ASMV the advantage and in the 69th minute Evan Evans found Devincenti with a cross and she quickly scored on the Paladin keeper.

NMS played furiously to even things but Galluccio, Swift, and Vianal wouldn’t allow them to move free. That allowed Allyson Shade and Anika Milosavic to continuously make plays on the ball and swing things back to the midfield. New starting center midfielder Arobi Khazir-Zarazoroba took advantage of the aggressive paladins and neatly moved the ball forward to Draghi in the 84th minute. The goal broke the spirit of the NMS squad and the Sea Dragons escaped with a surprising 2-0 victory.

Next up is a return home to host Ashterrus who earned a 3-3 draw with geisenfried today.

Friends Watch
Cuation suffered a 1-1 draw with unknowns Intyny.
Tadjikistan proved to be better Lions than Nedalia 2-0
Dorian & Sonya handled Tecpatl 2-1
Milchama lost to The Archregimancy 0-2
Ariddia got smashed by Jeruselem 0-3

At home in front of a raging Benlandngdo crowd, Benlandngdo beat Bazalonia. After a game with relativly no chances, Benlandngdo struck with a header off a corner kick, by Number 14 (due to government security, players names have been replaced by numbers).
Before the first game, Bazalope had stated that they expected to blow by Benlandngdo. Despite, defensive disorginization, the goalkeeper, Player Number 1, saved all shots on goal. He was named man of the match.
Afetr the game, fans mobbed the pitch tearing bits off to show to their grandchildren.

Queldas Hikari - Rul Isio Nesuntel A Seserim

PLAYERS TAKE SIESTA, EARN POINT
Draw Marks First Nikean Point in Decades
by Markinen Marketel

QUELDAS(NP) - The Nikean public were privledged today to see a sight
not seen in decades, as the country's beloved Pandas played their first
home match in the historic Solarin Stadium in the Nikean capital today.

It was wonderful, it was magical, it was a sight to see.
All but the match. The match itself was a real snoozer. The unranked
Pandas and the 81st ranked Nebuleux played a match worthy of the
rubbish bin, and were it not for all the pre-game and half-time
festivities, many of the new brand of Nikean football fans must have
wondered what all the fuss was about.

Solarin Stadium itself was a marvel in modern engineering. A stadium
that is reaching its century mark underwent a year-long rebuilding
process. The pitch was resown, the seats torn out and replaced,
concessions and all other aspects of the stadium were upgraded. The
washrooms featured small television sets over each urinal and in the
door of the washroom stalls so those five Ibristiu beers downed by avid
fans would not be the cause of a missed goal or play. Truely a staple
of modern lavatory history.

Some of the old surviving Nikean players from World Cup XV were on hand
to be honoured, though many of the older crowd wondered why these
players were being honoured, seeing as the team never made it past the
group stage. Still, the younger fans (those under 65) took it in
stride, and the teams took the field for what promised to be a decent
match of football between an exciting new team and a rising star.

Unfortunately, the teams were poor. The first half produced 2 shots,
both from Nirstin Somnatel from 30 yards that managed to find the 10th
row of seats. In fact, the only shots that came from inside the box
occured in the final 15 minutes, and both found the net. Nebuleux
opened the scoring with an average strike that eluded Keletel, whose
drawstring was securely fastened today. This would have provided some
tension throughout the 63,000 capacity crowd, had many of them stayed
by the 77th minute. Fans were still filing for the exits when Komynisin
Kabestel took a pass from Somnatel, who thankfully did not shoot that
time. He took two steps forward and fluffed a shot, which rolled past
the Nebuleux keeper who was expecting a hard strike long and wide. He
was taken by surprise and that earned the Pandas a point.

The home stay was short lived, as matchday 3 sends the Pandas to The
Islands of Qutar. They return home on the 4th day, to Interiu to play
Kedalfax. Thankfully for stadium and football association, all tickets
were sold out prior to this match's display. Both matches will be
broadcast live on NTV1.


Nikea (Kabestel 86)
v.
Nebuleux (<player> 77)


MD1 - @Bedistan (L 2-3)
MD2 - Nebuleux - Queldas, Solarin Stadium (D 1-1)
MD3 - @The Islands of Qutar
MD4 - Kedalfax - Interiu, Interirien Field
MD5 - @Pastorville
MD6 - Sovietry - Miserias, Calamo Bridge
MD7 - @Magnus Valerius
MD8 - Bedistan - Queldas, Solarin Stadium
MD9 - @Nebuleux
MD10 - The Islands of Qutar - Interiu, Interirien Field
MD11 - @Kedalfax
MD12 - Pastorville - Miserias, Calamo Bridge
MD13 - @Sovietry
MD14 - Magnus Valerius - Queldas, Solarin Stadium

Zichybastan 0 Northern Caesarea 1

1. Cuellar *****

2.Ferrer 0
4.Capdevilla ****
15. Molinero ****
22. Ibañez ***

24. Novo ***
13. Vizcaíno **
6. Begines *
11. Maxi **

23. Salmerón ****
9. Alcántara **
---------------------------------------------------------------------------
1 Michael Lee *

8 Anthony Marinelli *
22 Sami Karapianannen *
4 Will Belue *

0 Eric Bennett ***
18 Jess Maki **
91 Kevin Orzech **
15 Terry Holthausen **

12 Trevor Griggs *
18 Trevor Trudeau *
21 Brian Gillespie *****

The crack
Salmerón
The Tricolor forward made an exhibition of the stamina and strength which made him famous. He was a constant nightmare for the Zichybastani defenders. He scored a beautiful goal, in the bargain.

The dandy
Brian Gillespie
The exception in the grey game of his team. This striker has been a constant menace for the NC goal. Luckily, our defense and a magilcal Cuéllar were there to avoid the tie, but they had to work hard.

The tough guy
Kevin Orzech
This midfielder used violence to compensate his null technical ability. A destroyer, in the broad sense of the word.

Not his day
Trevor Griggs
The striker was lost in the NC defense during all the match.

Zychibastan-People at the National Stadium of Zychibastan haven't seen a great football match this evening. The game of their team was poor and boring and we can say the same thing about Northern Caesarea team, who played too defensive, considering the level of their rivals.
The first 30 minutes was dominated by the locals, which had a couple of goal opportunities by Brian Gillespie, who played like a superstar. After this half an hour euphoria, the team lowered its level and let the Tricolores take the control of the ball and the match.
Our midfielders weren't at their best level this night and the NC goal didn't come until minute 77, when Salmerón robbed a ball from Marinelli, and shot to score the definitive 0-1.
The coach, Paco Antequera, had what he had looked for: three points with little effort. He ordered the team to go backwards and defend the result. And this precious victory abroad.

MASSACRE AT THE DOME

2-0 shellacking by Sea Dragons leads to Branstone blowing top

NEW MONTREAL - The Andossa Se Mitrin Vega Sea Dragons have made their claim to be the best team in the group. The Paladins, meanwhile, have made a claim to being more likely to be watching the Cup finals than playing in them.

In a match featuring the midfield going to pieces and yielding possession to the Dragons whenever something seemed to be getting underway, the Paladins were generally outclassed.

Coach William Branstone of Audioslavia, after exploding during the second half after the usually reliable Charles Pilon misaimed a simple pass and sent in right to an ASMV back, announced that "changes will be made" and to expect a "radically different setup for the next couple matches."

"We thought we could coast through," said Branstone. "We thought we had it all wrapped up and handed to us. We need to be careful or else we'll end up like Sarzonia."

Nobody is quite sure what will happen, but everyone is in agreement that something needs to be done.

"We let down our nation and ourselves out there in the Dome," said team captain and star forward Gilles Villeneuve. "We need to improve to have a shot at qualification."

"I just wasn't at my best today," said Charles Pilon, whose shaky play cost the Paladins several opportunities. "I need to improve quickly or step aside to give someone else their chance."

"We need to look ahead," said keeper Paul Chasson. "We have to pick ourselves up and keep going. It's a long road ahead in qualification, and tonight's just a reminder than anything can and will happen."

Morseley hustled through the halls of Pandemonium, clutching a sheet of paper reading "match report." He finally tracked down Satan heading down to the lounge.

"Boss, is there any reason you're wearing a snowsuit? We've got the place pretty well heated up again, Hypocria or no Hypocria."

"I'm on my way to play strip poker."

"Ah." Leave it to Satan to find the most straightforward method of cheating. Morseley continued: "D'you want to hear the match report from the game against Horzel?"

"If it's quick. I'm starting in five minutes, and I want to go grab a keg or two to keep me cool. Damn, this is uncomfortable!"

"You're wearing a snowsuit in Hell, boss."

"And it's making me sweaty as all heaven. But ya gotta do what ya gotta do. So how'd we make out against these Horzel people?"

"We blew them out of the water like Czechs on Americans. 3-0, never even close."

"So that System Whatsis-"

"Karela."

"Whatever. So it's working out alright then?"

"You might say that."

"Good to hear it."

As Satan headed back, Morseley found an empty break room and sat down. Sipping stale coffee, he mused over how, as soon as he implemented System Karela, the side scored eight goals in two matches. They must be doing something wrong - wasn't Karelan football boring as all hell?

He decided to pack up and take a short trip to Rejistania, home of Karelan football, to figure out what gives in this whole "defensive football" thing.

A Catfight

Dushanbe - Tadjik Tigers versus Nedalian Lions, thats what was on the program for today. The Taddjikistan Tigers fueled up for the real work after their 3-0 victory over Iansisle, prepared themselves for a though match against their main rivals in group 6. Both teams have won their first games and both will be trying to beat the other in an attempt to secure their spots at the top.
Assistent Coach Oleg Salenko was already certain the Tigers would win because 'Tigers are much more active animals than Lions. A lion sits in the grass, roars a bit and eats his dinner when the female brings it. Tigers on the other hand do all their hunting themselves and thats why we're gonna win.'

Salenko was not far from the truth, the lions sit not sit back in the grass but the Tigers were more active, ball possession was always in their favor at 55% and the Tigers initially made a few good moves to prove how much they wanted to win here. Nikolay Elisarov sent Zyrianov through the Nedalian defense with a long pass, a bit to long for Zyrianov who could not get behind it. It was easily caught by the Nedalian goalie.
But it should have been a warning for Nedalia that the Tigers were coming their way. Although they did make a few moves through the center, these were never strong enough to really threaten Suchomlinov and his defenders.

As the first half drew to an end, Alexander Zaparov recuperated a lost shot and rushed over the left flank with Daniel Kirponos, oumanuevring a Nedalian midfielder and turning into the center when two Nedalian defenders showed up in front of them. Kirponos cut himself through and sent a pass to Nabiyev, who curled it into the left corner of the Nedalian box. 1-0 for the Tadjik Tigers.

Nabiyevs goal was a wake up call for the Nedalian Lions as they adopted a more agressive style now. Forcing Suchomlinov to come our of his goal and work for his money. Suchomlinov earns alot of money and the Nedalians understand why now. He kept the Lions scoreless by catching every shot they sent in his direction.
The Tadjik Tigers in the meantime, took a short break from attacking and focussed more on ballrecuperation or taking advantage of the Nedalian mistakes. It got Zyrianov close to the second Tadjik goal. His shot was saved by the Nedalian goalkeeper again.

By the eighty-fifth minute, the Nedalians still had not scored and the Tigers decided to end the game with one last big offensive. Everyone in exception Andrej Guyrza, helped the strikers get closer to the Nedalian goal. Peter Korshak even tried to score from 30m away but his shot went high over.
Less than a minute later, the Tigers rushed forward again with Kirponos on the ball. From Kirponos to Elisarov and to Yarygin, back to Elisarov and again to Kirponos who passed over to Maximov, fast moves and quick passes were the best way to defeat an opponent, Maximov gave Berzarin an assist and the latter drove his shot under the Nedalian goalkeepers legs for Tadjikistans second goal and what seemed to be the end of the match.

Zaev and especially Salenko smiled and congratulated their players for a job well done while a full Isserson stadium applauded their home team. The Tadjik played a good game, with a win and some beautiful moves. Everyone, except the Nedalians, was happy in Dushanbe.
'Against Iansisle we had a definite advantage,' Coach Alexander Zaev said 'while this was a powerful opponent. Not as strong as nations like Bedistan or Starblaydia but still strong enough to beat us. We had the advantage of playing in our own capital offcourse but we won convincingly. Its an excellent preparation now with our first away match coming up against an equally dangerous side, The Kazoo Peoples. Also the first time we'll meet them during World Cup qualifications.'

To the question of whom was to be part of the staring eleven there, Nabiyev or Tulberdiev Zaev replied 'Nabiyev will be replacing Tulberdiev atleast for atleast one more match. Tulberdiev has not fully healed and I'm not going to risk losing him for the remainder of our matches by putting him on the team too early.'

News from the other groups:
The most interesting news came from group 11 where the Andossan Sea Dragons beat the New Montreal States Paladins with a beautiful 0-2. We consider the Sea dragons as friends and that friendship only gets stronger after this. Revenge is always nice, even it someone else takes it in your stead.

Group 5 sees The Macabees take the lead with two wins. Yes, they are easy wins, but they still count. Our collegues from Greater Dienstad are also the only team in group 5 that managed to win all of its matches and we're only two matchdays far. It might just be one of the most interesting groups around that could give the Macabeans the chance to qualify for the World Cup.

We all remember Tynellia, right? The Tadjiks beat them 1-0 in Andossa Se Mitrin Vega, well the Tynellians seem to have a scoring problem when they play against Tadjiks. Just one Tadjik actually and this one was one the bench, Daniel Gurchev whom, as coach of Krajkovia, dragged his teams first point out of a scoreless draw with the Tynellians.


MD1: Tadjikistan - Iansisle W 3-0
MD2: Tadjikistan - Nedalia W 2-0
MD3: The Kazoo Peoples - Tadjikistan
MD4: Tadjikistan - Kirstiriera
MD5: Molvania - Tadjikistan
MD6: Ozzelia - Tadjikistan
MD7: Dicuban - Tadjikistan
MD8: Iansisle - Tadjikistan
MD9: Nedalia - Tadjikistan
MD10: Tadjikistan - The Kazoo Peoples
MD11: Kirstiriera - Tadjikistan
MD12: Tadjikistan - Molvania
MD13: Tadjikistan - Ozzelia
MD14: Tadjikistan - Dicuban

Tadjik Topscorers
Tulberdiev - 1
Zyrianov - 1
Berzarin - 1
Elisarov - 1
Nabiyev - 1

“Hello, Iansisle! This is Jay McYule alongside ‘Toothless’ Sam St. Pierre, coming to you live from the Westergate Footballing Grounds! Well, Sam, whaddyaknow?”

“I know that the Ians are going to lose again and if you try to keep me from listening to the Tigers game one more time I’m going to give your shiner a partner.”

“Right you are, Sam! Now, if my ever-gracious and understanding colleague will permit me, I’d like to go over a quick pre-game analysis. However, I can’t seem to locate..” *shuffling papers* “my report on Molvania.”

“There’s a good reason for that, Jay.”

“Oh, do you know where it is?”

“No, four-eyes. I ate it. What do you think of them apples, eh?”

“Well...I suppose we’ll have to do without it. Well, the Ians will be starting Bob Feckless again in goal to replace Bennie Abernathy, who went down last match with a broken hip. Tough break for the Ians, wouldn’t you say?”

“Sounds more like a tough break for Abernathy. He should have drank more milk.”

“Har, Sam. No one enjoys your pitiful witticisms more than I do.”

“Watch it, Jay. I’ll kick your scrawny --”

“And we have to break for commercial! We’ll be back to start the game off!”

Eighty-ninth minute

“Well, folks, I hate to put a jinx on it, but it would appear that Iansisle is headed towards a major upset of Molvania, the seventy-ninth ranked team in the world. The score is still a nil-nil draw as we head towards stoppage time, and you can bet that the Ians will be satisfied with one point here. There’s been some decent attacks by both sides -- the Ians making up for Molvania’s superior athleticism with a veteran’s guile -- but so far only a total of three shots on goal, two by Molvania and one by Iansisle.”

“You just wait, Jay. They’ll blow it yet.”

“Tick off, Sam. Here’s Copplestone with the ball, coming up the right flank. He’s got Tagger, Cecil, and Lyons with him but the Molvanians are putting up a stout defence. Two minutes stoppage on the clock now. The Ians pass the ball -- over to Lyons, back to Cotton. It would seem they’re just trying to defend the tie with their superior passing. It’s back to Copplestone in the corner -- just under a minute on the clock now -- and he lofts a kick across the center! Lyons is there, but in double coverage. They go up and -- it’s off Lyons’ head into the corner of the goal! The Ians score in the last minute!”

“Foul! Foul!”

“Sam, sit down! Folks will you just listen to this crowd! They’re going absolutely crazy out there! I hardly believe it myself -- Lyons jumped up against a Molvanian defenceman with a good six, seven inches on him and put a header into the net! The Molvanian doesn’t look at all happy about this, and here comes their manager too to exchange harsh words with the referee.”

“Well, of course. Open your eyes, Jay -- Lyons was able to get that ball only because he was pulling down on the Molvanian’s shirt!”

“The timer has officially run out and the call’s going to stand! The Ians are lifting Lyons up onto their shoulders and carrying him off! And the floodgates have broken -- Iansislean fans are pouring onto the pitch to hail their conquering heroes. Folks, there could not be more emotion if the Ians had just won the world cup itself!”

“...that was a foul! no goal!”

((ooc: Iansisleans don’t really have the technology for replays (this match, nor any others, will not even be televised in Iansisle. However, if anyone else did catch it, yes. Lyons fouled the defenceman rather blatantly, but in such a way that the ref could not see it. And now I’m off to bed. =)))

http://img142.imageshack.us/img142/9163/starlogo2ti.jpg
Mateys fans unconvinced

With Matchday two final over the Mateys team have every right to feel disappoionted with their performance against The Footie Dream Team. Just like the last game the Mateys didnt look like a team, and again had trouble stringing together passes. Gregg Gregg started in place of Mc Niece for this game and worled well with Livingston, however the forwards just where not with it today. Patton had a few chances and Amusi Akobyi got a free header in the second half which he would normally put away with ease but this time failed to do so. Livingston hit the post from a free kick after another famous Mc Cann run.
Akobyi and Patton where both substituted and Amusi didnt look happy goin straight into the dressing room and throwing away the water bottle handed to him. Richard Dougherty and James Curry took to field in their place.

Curry and Dougherty played well but The Footie Dream Team's goal keeper made some spetacualr saves and the defence played an amazin offside trap which was only broken once by Curry but great athletisism allowed a defender to get back and make a superb tackle on him.

Final Score
Footie Dream Team 0:0 Lisburn Mateys

Mateys travel to Ulyanovia for the next game and will look to win but more importantly for our chances in this competition, play well. Akobyi is expected to start but his chances will start running with anymore performances like todays and curry is also set to start. Ulyanovia are another team with the ability to create an upset and seem to be excellant when playing at home beating Yafor 2, 2 - 1 today.

Cuation Stumble Out of Starting Blocks

Four points out of a possible six is by no means bad, it has put Cuation in second place but still it is disappointing. The two games where against two teams in the hundreds of the rankings ideal for Cuation to build six points and some momentum before the harder games to come like Audioslavia and an away game against Haraki.

Gary Jens had been poor and two goals have been conceded against mediocre teams while only three have been scored. The midfield looks good and the strike force hasn't done badly but a lot of work needs to be done if Cuation is to sustain a challenge for second place.

Karela Punch!

A win is a win and we had enough quality to defeat a team dedicated to frustrating players. We controlled the possession, Fallen and Giovanni enjoying the space but a wall of players in the final third made it hard to create chances.

In the first minute, Fallen's poor pass gave the ball away but Butcher’s reckless challenge did not help, giving away a free kick and getting himself booked. The ball was floated in, Cheese missed the header, Yan failed to get a touch and it fell to the unmarked Number 9 as Cole and Samba had been ball watching. His flicked volley should have been easily saved but Jens compounded the defensive errors by spilling the ball over the line. 1-0.

Cuation where patient, knowing any long balls would result in Lu Fei flick on that would easily be gathered up the defence. Fallen and Giovanni played the ball around in midfield, waiting for the chance. In the 44th minute, Fallen suddenly chipped the ball forward and this time Rual Mendiz got to it on the edge of the box.

He had a lot of defenders near him but he jockeyed his position and then went down easily under the first challenge. Free kick in a good position, five man wall created and Cuation's first real chance. Giovanni stepped up and curled it perfectly into the top corner, the keeper unable to move in time. 1-1.

In the second half, Cuation played much better, forcing the play, tiring the system. Giovanni had a thirty yard chip pushed over the bar, Fallen's drive from just outside the box was just wide, Rual Mendiz snatched volley from a flick on was well saved.

In the 64th minute, Fallen suddenly went charging forward, beating three men before bursting into the box from the left. Rual, Fei and Giovanni made runs for a cross but Fallen tricked his way to the by-line before losing the ball after one shimmy too many, he did gain a corner.

Giovanni took it from the left and aimed it at the near post where Lu Fei leapt above his marker to flick it across goal and in, the keeper stranded again and Cuation taking a deserved lead.

Mendiz was subbed for Keane and Gary Cole replaced his brother at right back. The two combined in the 83rd minute, Giovanni sending Cole free on the overlap, his cross met by Keane but the header flew over the bar. Anderton replaced Milnar late on but Cuation's lead never looked like losing control of this game.

VirginiaNova 8
MountainSea1

In the final tune up game before the gloriuos World Cup,Virginia Nova played regional rival Mountainsea and won 8-1. Certanly the Eagles aren't regretting it;but MS may be.

The game was played in the Star Marine Fuels Dome in New Virginia Beach. For the game coach Harry Reneldi decided to play a surprisingly attacking 6-2-2 instaed of of the traditional defensive 5O5D*. When asked why Reneldi replied " indoor footbal,whether association or arena,has alway favored a faster attacking style." the game got underway at 4:04pm. and by 4:05 Virginia Nova had scored. A Jimmy Hellios goal had given the eagles an advantage only 48 seconds in to the game. a little later in the half Adam Neppi,who plays for took a pass from Harold Freemont and scored on a header. The next goal was scored by a Mountainsean who manged to get one passed Alex Potter. the next four goals were scored by Helliosas he easly scored at will verses the MS goalie. After Hellios was pulled and replaced by Ken Boles. as soon as he got in Boles managed to get pass three defenders and score within the first two minute of his time on the Eagles Squad. the final goal was scored by Jeff Sanderson.




*5O5D is our national formation. It is 5 forwards 2 defensive midfielders 3 Defenders. The middies are taought play defensive and have sometime the defender spot.

“welcome everyone to another edition of Tynelian Soccer Weekly in what has been to this point a very disappointing World Cup for the Tynelian team. Today, for the third straight World Cup, Tynelia’s second match against a team ranked well below them in the standings has again ended in a 0-0 draw. Why no one can score in Tynelia’s second matches ever is a mystery but this back to back poor outing finds us with only one point after two matches ahead of only the obviously unfocused Praying2god team and only a goal differential ahead of the Krajkovia team we just drew against. McPsychoville looks to be on top of their game with a 1-0 win over the top seed to move into first with 6 points. Keeping pace and trailing by goal differential is Atheistic Right which edged a Quackmybush team that was obviously still thrilled over its match one upset 1-0. In the other match Bothen shocked Rordia with a 1-0 score which seem very popular in the group today. Pretty much other than McPsychoville this entire group is topsy turvy right now wouldn’t you agree Anna?”

“Yes Sal, all sorts of shocks have already rocked this group around completely. To our fans disappointment, Tynelia was once again on the bad side of these shocks as they could not score against a new team in their first world cup. After two matches we’re still winless against teams ranked below us. If not for the uneven play of the teams ahead of us I would say this could be the start of a long Cup for our team.”

“The game was rather slow paced today I must say Anna. Neither team even reached the ten shot mark with Tynelia holding a puny 9-8 shooting edge with both sides only mustering a pair of quality attempts. Time of possession was also even for all intents and purposes, the team definitely seemed sluggish out there.”

“Yes poor passing and lack of effort was clear out there today. At times players even stopped running and gave up on plays that may have ended up working out to something. Our next match will also be on the road against Bothen another team that on paper we should beat but so far Tynelia has not shown any signs of being the team that made such a strong run through the Dragonnii Inviyatii last year. One thing in our favor is that coming off an upset win perhaps Bothen will still be celebrating that win and we can catch them off balance and start to right ourselves that way. It will be very bad if we go into our match with Praying2god without a win in our first three matches.”

“Very true Anna and Coach Tudor has already announced a couple of changes for the next match. Vladimar Malloy will be in net in the next match to give Amy Whiteworth some rest before the Praying2god match. Hoping to shake up the offense he has also told reporters that he will be moving Andy Martins back to the midfield and sitting Bret Brantley and putting the veteran Troy Wallace at forward to take Martins place. Definitely a more offensive minded look here Anna.”

“Well something needed to be done and obviously Coach Tudor feels this will be the best setup for their next match. Troy Wallace is past the days where he can start for an entire Cup but I think the ‘Duke of Deke’ will be able to turn things around a bit while Martins returns to his original spot in the midfield replacing probably the weakest midfielder in Brantley to keep up the offensive side. Don’te be surprised if Tudor tries to keep Martins up on the attacking end to create more of a 3-2-3-2 look than the 3-3-2-2 which hasn’t worked so far.”

“Something has to be done and we’ll just have to see how it works out but for now let’s go over to Mike McPhee with a look at how the top guns of the groups fared this past matchday.”

“Thanks Sal, Praying2god was not alone in defeat as the top seeds in each group faced their toughest competitor today on the field. New Montreal States were shocked by their 2-0 loss to the DI host ASMV who put their claim in to be the toip gun of their group. Squornshelous managed a 1-1 draw with Dance 2 Revolution joining Total n Utter Insanity and Rejistania as the top guns who managed to escape with a draw. Liverpool England rebounded from their draw with a win. A couple of top guns had a bit of a scare as Bedistan held on 3-2 over the Islands of Qatar and Oliverry won their shootout against the Commerce Heights 4-3. The drubbing of the day was too bad a beating this time as Jerusalem and Audioslavia shared the title with their three goal wins, the former 3-0 over Arridia and the latter 4-1 over our old BoF rival Haraki, the only team from Tynelia;s BoF to have actually qualified for the Cup proper at this time. Things only get slightly easier for the top guns as they work their way down the seeds taking on their groups #3 seeds before moving on to the #4s. And as the first two days have shown, anything can happen in this year’s Cup. Back to you Sal.”

“OK Mike and once again it seems being the top seed isn’t all that it’s cracked up to be as several top seeds are stumbling out of the gates as well.”

“Yes Sal but don’t forget these teams are ranked where they are for a reason, they’re all experienced teams who know that a two match mini slump isn’t anything to get too concerned about since there’s plenty of time left in group play. I’m sure when all is said and done these teams will have straightened out their flaws and be where everyone expects them to be, in the world cup proper.”

“Excellent point again Anna, these teams know what it takes to move on and its too early for any sort of panicking yet. Speaking of panicking though how will or can Tynelia bounce back on the road against Bothen.”

“There do have to feel some pressure Sal, I don’t think anyone expected us to only have 1 point through two matches so they will certainly be doing everything possible to come away with a win this time. I think the lineup changes will be a wakeup call for them, the experience of Wallace out there should be the deciding factor. Still with the struggles on offense I don’t think this one will go much more than a 1-0 win for Tynelia. As far as the rest of the matches, Rordia didn’t play well against Bothen and went home with a loss but facing Praying2god still trying to recover from the horrible terrorist attack its tough to say how the top seeds will recover. Part of me wishes they will win here so they don’t face Tynelia without a point but I think Rordia will continue the upsets with a 2-1 win. McPsychoville should continues its undefeated run against Quackmybush with a 3-1 win. Finally look for the Atheistic Right to continue their surprising run at the top with a 1-0 win against Krajkovia.”

“Is the Atheistic Right for real Anna?”

“Well they are certainly playing well but remember in our first Cup the Algal States started out 3-0-0 before fading and dropping near the bottom while Geinsefried last Cup also hung around the top three for much of the first half before they settled in the middle. So its too early to say, runs like this from a lower half seed have happened but maintaining it over the course of both halves of group play has been the difference in the past.”

“Alright then Anna, it looks like our time is up for today. Tune in for TSW’s continuing live coverage of Tynelia’s World Cup qualification efforts. Naturally we’ll be here after the match as always for our breakdown and insight on the match against Bothen and look ahead to the match with the top seed Praying2god. Until then this is Sal Spikeman for Anna Dalespin wishing everyone a good night.

Jeruselem Government News

Jeruselem buck the DRAW syndrome in Group 14

Draws in World Cup 29? You'd think they'd be rare after match day 1 when there was one draw. Match day 2 - 3 DRAWS. Yes, only one team didn't want a draw. It's Jeruselem of course.

Jeruselem played rival Arridia - a game which they could have lost as habit for Jeruselem early in a world cup to anyone. It was expected Arridia showed their credentials as main rival to the 10th seed. Not today. Jeruselem lead by Women's World Cup I and II captain Debbie Dallas didn't fail us. The Crusaders decked their rivals 3 - 0 in a lopsided game where Arridia were stuck for answers to the Jeruselem midfield's appetite for possession. The Jeruselem keeper looked bored early but she was entertained later when Arridia did get some possession.

Wentland was expected to beat Artoonia really badly after trashing their last opponents 5-0. Artoonia put up a big fight holding Wentland to a 2 ALL draw. Great game from Artoonia as Wentland was frustrated by a real defense.

Mahaliastan played much better today. A NIL ALL draw with Elrich was good way to rebound after being trashed. Although Elrich are not a Jeruselem or Wentland, the game was a competition and not a practice run.

Speaking of scoreless draws, Sliponia got a point when they drew with Khenas. Not the most inspiring game but all teams now have a point in this group - some teams more than others.

Jeruselem jumped to first with two wins while Wentland hold 2nd. All in all, Jeruselem had a good day while everyone else decided to share the points around.

Group 14
Jeruselem 3:0 Ariddia
Mahaliastan 0:0 Elrich
Artoonia 2:2 Wentland
Sliponia 0:0 Khenas


Now to some games involving friends!

Iansisle won a game. 3 points to a team who got mauled by the Tigers of the World Cup 29. They beat Molvania 1-0 and it's good to see a team not demoralised by a big loss. Speaking of Tigers - it seems Lions are no match for Tigers. Nedalia lost to Tadjikistan 0-2, but no shame as Jeruselem lose to them too. Don't panic Lions fans! We expect ther Tigers to win, but we are sure the Lions will rebound next.

Group 6
Tadjikistan 2:0 Nedalia
Iansisle 1:0 Molvania

Hockey Canada got another win. Opponents were Spaam who can surprise on the right day but the Canadians won 2-1 today. Good to see the 4th seed keep on winning!

Group 9
Hockey Canada 2:1 Spaam

OH, JGN has treat for World Cup fans who want GOALS
Watch the Group 1 game between Marceau State and Rorysville. It is not NIL ALL draw.

King John IV storms into his quarters after watching his team fall 2-1 to Kaze Progressa as nervous courtiers hovered around him trying to soothe their monarch.

“This is inconceivable!” he declared, “How could those people possibly concentrate with over 10,000 smelly unwashed peasants screaming at the top of their lungs? Its like they weren;t even bothered by all that racket! And losing a second match is disgraceful, it happened here. How can I hide this stain on our honor?”

“You could blame the officials father.” Mentioned Prince William, King John’s third eldest son, “I heard some of the players talking over dinner that this is a common cry of teams when they lo…er don’t win.” He stammered not wishing to provoke his father’s temper by using the word “loss”.

“yes… excellent idea son! You make me proud.” The king declared embracing his son before turning to the courtiers. “Why couldn’t you lot come up with something this clever?”

“Um he IS your son Majesty.” Replied one quickly smarter than the rest of his fellows.

“Yes true, noble blood for such wise ideas indeed. Send forth the royal herald and make the castle ready for the arrival of the East Lithuanians, and be certain there is more wine this time. Obviously not enough was served last time. Unwatered wine.” The king ordered.

“yes majesty.” The courtiers murmured as they bowed and left.

<later the Royal herald appears on the castle balcony>

“Hear ye! Hear ye! His Most Noble, Righteous and Benevolently Beloved Majesty King John IV wishes to inform his faithful people that trechery has robbed your champions of victory. Fearful that His majesty’s champions would triumph over all in this epic event, the officials at the match were bribed into making poor calls against our noble champions to ensure that the foe prevailed. Despite their foul acts, the enemy could barely scrape by with a puny one score advantage as Sir James once more stuck a blow against treachery and deceit but in the end such foul acts were too much for our nobles who naturally would not stoop to such levels of depravity even for victory to overcome.”

<crowd hisses at the foreign officials and their evil ploys>

"Well, we promised goals, and we got six of them, so no complaints there. We didn't promise a Schiavone win, and we didn't get one. A four-two loss in Fmjphoenix, but it's not the end of the world, is it? Or does this prove that we can't cut it with the best. We want your views on Schia FM's World Cup Sloths. First caller is Princewell in Kingsbury. Princewell, welcome to the show, fire away."

"Hello Mike, hello Filipo. I just want to say that it seems to me that we need to care more for our defence of we want to have any hope of getting anywhere in this cup, especially against top teams who are better at our own game than we are."

"Filipo?"

"Well, as a striker, I was never too keen on the defensive side of the game, but it is important to at least have something. I think that usually our midfield supports the defence well enough to justify our style of play. Today I think Lowe got his tactics wrong in trying to out-attack the Vikings and we paid for that. Berry and McGee wouldn't usually go up like they did tonight, though."

"Well don't you think that it's about time that Lowe stopped using these so-called surprise tactics that usually just play into our opponents hands?"

"Well, truth be told, he can be a bit crazy sometimes, sometimes it pays off, sometimes it doesn't. It was probably the main reason we didn't make the finals at World Cup 28. But I've got nothing against it if he plays the right surprise tactics. Out-attacking one of the best attacking sides in the world is not the best idea he's come up with."

"OK, thanks fellas."

"And thank you, Princewell. Jimmy is next on. Jimmy..."

"Hello boys... I want to call you about Kenny Sanderson."

"Why would that be."

"It's just that sometimes, I don't feel that his heart is in his game. Just look at the other things he does. Ylompic showjumper, F1GP test driver and now he's even taken up doing reports on your station. Where will it end?"

"Well, he only does these other things during the close season. Trust me, if Rodney Lowe thought it was affecting his game, he wouldn't be one of the first names on the team sheet every game."

"I'd agree with you on that one, Filipo. Plus being so versatile means that he will still have a fair number of career paths open to him when he finishes the game. As long as he doesn't take our positions, that's fine by us!"

"Indeed it is."

"Thank you Jimmy. Well, that's all for now. Schiavonia went for broke tonight, but ended up breaking on too many occassions. From Vanguard, goodnight."

Dear diary,

Yes...this is what we need...momentum. We're getting the points and defending really really well. Meanwhile, we're getting the goals we need as well. Of course there's still work to be done...more goals need to go in at the other end...but I'm not complaining over the clean sheets...nice to see the new guys getting the goals...keep it up boys! :D

Anyway...back to the videos now...difficult matches could be coming up...

D

The Troglodytia Tribune



The Team Gets what it Rightfully Deserves

In the match against Matterbuggy, The Team lost three to one, just like their match against Anastiania. This might be because somebody(who had clearly observed The Team previous games) had the bright idea of ordering a group of tough, mean, hired guns to conduct a midnight raid The Teams hotel rooms, as well as their team bus. The group of mercenaries came out looking a little shaken, not to mention a bit bloody(one of them woke up Irritated Penguin, and another had interupted Wild Penguin's nightly 'drink'-'brewing' ceremony), but they did bring out a large arsenal of weapons, as well as Devious Penguin, who had locked himself inside his newest Killer Robot of Rather Terrible Destruction™, and had refused to come out.

The Team entered the pitch with very few weapons, although Mrs. Tweezly was wielding a rather sinister stack of graded homework. Throughout the first half, The Team - tired from the nightly disturbance - was kicked around by the Matterbuggians(literally in Obese Penguin's case), and two goals were scored upon them.

About halfway through the second half, Devious Penguin, still inside his Killer Robot, entered the pitch, and, with mounted machine-guns, forced the the opposing team to lie still on the pitch as The Team attempted to score without any opposition. Despite the best efforts of Furious Porridge and Normal Penguin, The Team managed to score only two goals, one in the Matterbuggian goal, and one in their own.
If it had been done by any other team, this outcome might have been embarrasing, but this was perhaps the most intelligent play The Team has managed to put together in all its time playing.

With such a terrible performance against an Unranked team, The Team is off to what we consider an excellent start. They've got no chance against the fearsome team from Spaam(which knows what The Team is like), and the extremely talented players from Hockey Canada, and the team from Giant Zucchini. Not to mention the representatives of UIE or the team from the NSSR. We don't really care how badly they lose anymore, just as long as they lose badly and get chewed up to the extent that they can't limp back home.

Foriegn Officials are considering taking action against The Team for the use of an unregistered Killer Robot of Rather Terrible Destruction™ by Devious Penguin against the Matterbuggian team, as well as other violent acts against bystanders, referees, and small, cute, fuzzy kittens and puppies. We hope they skip the court case, and line the entire Team up against the wall and shoot them without a second thought.
It's what we'd do.

"Well how bad was it?"

"Quite bad, we lost 2-0 and didn't get a decent oppurtunity after the 1st minute."

"You would think that we would know how to play the monks better considering we have beaten them before"

"Well, all our fans got sent away from the dream realm and we could not keep up with the monks after the sermon."

"I don't think the sermon entered into it too much"

"Oh it did, we looked tired from about 15 minutes in and we just could not get the energy to do anything because of it."

"Well then why don't we lodge a protest into this?"

"OK, I think we will."

Memo
To: The WCC President and all other concerned members
From: The Milchama Football Assocsiation (MFA) (Well not really but it doesn't look good if we just say two mad blokes)
Topic: Sermons in the Archregimancy

As I'm sure you are all aware by now whenever the Archregimancy plays a home match they have a sermon before the match that usually takes an hour to an hour and a half. During this sermon the opposing team is forced to stand up and while standing it tires them for the match ahead so that by the time the match starts the opposing team is tired and it gives the monks an unfair competitive advantage as they do not tire and are used to this type of sermon. This give them an unfair competitive advantage with their opponents which makes it easier for them to win home matches. We in the "MFA" believe that this must stop or at least allow the opposing team to sit down so that the Monks do not get an unfair advantage.

Signed,
Calving Chintermantomantomantomantoman (clearly wrong)
Miller Hatch

Change at Helm as Elrich struggle

2 games played against 2 nobodies. 1 point and 1 goal. It's unfortunately looking grim for the Kingdom of Elrich yet again.

Elrich 1:2 Khenas
Elrich looked jaded, passionless and basically lacking in the pace, skill and desire that saw them close to WC Qualifying on so many past occasions. A gutless performance saw Elrich undeservedly take the lead when a low corner from Zebedee was missed by the bear post defender allowing striker Jamie Mudge to bundle home.

The team looked like amateurs - and player-manager Ahmad Elrich's attempts to organise and motivate them from his position as striker looked increasingly pitiful. Ringo Bingo was having a nightmare at left back whilst doubts loom over the performances of midfielders John Spinks and Matt Allen.

Khenas deservedly equalised just after half-time with a stooping header after Bingo was far too easily beaten on the wing. Despite Elrich's superior world ranking, it was Khenas who looked by far the better side as they pressed for a winner. It came with 12 minutes remaining, when Spinks slipped allowing what appeared like an innocous through ball to run through to the Khenas' striker who shot low and under Burns to seal the game.

Mahaliastan 0:0 Elrich
Quite arguably the worst ever Elrichian performance, in the dullest game imaginable proved the end for player-manager Ahmad Elrich, who resigned following the bore-draw admitting "It wasn't right and we're not getting the results, we need experience at the helm". A dire dire performance against a side who were hammered 5-0 by Wentland in their opening game shows the gulf between the Badgers and the favourites to qualify from the group. Something needs to change drastically. Former FA Chief Executive Bill Murray has been placed in charge of first team affairs, as he is basically the only Elrichian with top-flight managerial experience willing to take the job. Murray said he was delighted to get the opportunity, and would do all he could to get the Elrichian team going again.


Ever since Mike Bassett's disappearance 18 months ago, Elrichian football has suffered terribly, with Dave Dodds and now player-legend Ahmad Elrich failing at the helm. Even Bassett's harshest critics of 2 years ago would now want the moustasched man to return, but we don't even know if he is still alive, let alone ready to return to Elrichian management.

FALE hand Reagan ultimatum
The Football Association of Liverpool England have issued an ultimatum to Bedistani-born manager Nick Reagan, a statement released today by both parties reads.

"The FALE and manager Nick Reagan have come to an understanding that Mr. Reagan and the national team must produce expected positive results in the team's next two upcoming matches, or Mr. Reagan will be relieved of his job," an excerpt reads. The statement also mentions that "Mr. Reagan has agreed to this effective ultimatum, and has begun to work on improving the team."

In a seperate statement, the FALE has shockingly asked the Fmjphoenix FA to release Gary Accrew, now 78, back to the FALE. "Now that the Fmjphoenix football programme is in tip-top fitness shape, and they should have plenty of capable physios and fitness coaches trained by Gary Accrew, we have requested that the Fmjphoenix FA release Mr. Accrew back to the FALE, who would be willing to bear any cost of compensation."

Begines: Look! The coach has decided the list of players who will play against Risa-Aramour.

Vizcaíno: Yeah! Let's take a look...

Begines: But... This is unfair! I'm not on the starting list!

Vizcaíno: Luckily, I am, considering the awful match I played in Zychibanistan.

Begines: This is totally unfair! After my great season at FC Berenguer and the match in Mr. Chuck Norris, where I scored that wonderful goal... I feel betrayed and frustrated.

Vizcaíno: Oh, come on! The competition is long... Take it as the coach wanted to give you some relax.

Begines: I'm not an idiot. I know that's a punition for the last match. But I will not complain to him. That's what he wants. I'm going to work harder.

Antequera (Coach): Hello, boys. How are you?

Vizcaíno: I'm in cloud number nine.

Begines: I feel fine, thanks.

Antequera: We must work hard for the match against Risa-Aramour. They are a much more serious team than Zychibanistan. I want the same concentration than against Mr. Chuck Norris. I want also, to adapt the midfield and the defense to their game style.

Begines: Yeah! I will work hard to be ready to help my teamates during the match.

Antequera: That's the spirit I want! Vizcaíno: you can learn a lot from your friend.

Vizcaíno: Well, yes... Maybe how to play football...

The list against Risa-Aramour:

1. Cuéllar

17. Heredia
21. Perea
15. Molinero
22. Ibañez

24. Novo
13. Vizcaíno
8. Ríos
11. Maxi

23. Salmerón
20. Toledo

Called in:

25. Víctor
5. Irujo
6. Begines
14. Caminero
7. Bermúdez
9. Alcántara

Our line up for the next game:

1
47 29
23 6

7 3
18 4

9
14

Cuation Held Back

Lesson of the day: don't start playing around when only one goal ahead, it invites disaster to punish you for the arrogance. Cuation should have won this against a poor game yet they came away with only a point from one that fans expected a second win from.

Cuation took control from the start, Fallen, Milnar and Giovanni bursting forward when possible, showing many tricks but lacking an end product. Milnar wasted a gilt edged chance early on, played clear by Fallen, he fired wide with the goal gaping.

Fallen had one volley blocked by a defender, Giovanni had one curler easily saved but mostly, Cuation had just the possession and no opportunities but by half time, they had the lead. In the 36th minute, Lu Fei headed down a long ball from Yan into the path of Fallen.

The first touch got the ball under control, the second played a great through ball behind a defence that had gone too far up the pitch. Rual Mendiz was clear on goal and he was not to be denied, gently chipping the ball over the advancing keeper.

The second half saw Giovanni and Fallen get sloppy, trying to show off when they had the ball and thus disrupting the play for Cuation. When Fallen lost the ball on the edge of the box, only a good reaction save from Gary Jens prevented an equaliser.

With twenty minutes to go, Giovanni and Fallen came off for Hargreves and Anderton with Mendiz taking a well deserved rest as Keane came on. Intyny must have felt Cuation where growing tired and pushed forward, putting Cuation under pressure.

The defence played well and it seemed Cuation would hang on but in injury time, Hargreves header fell to Number 8 outside the box. His shot was low but Gary Jens should have easily saved it but the erratic keeper dove over the ball to conceded a very late goal.

ISLANDERS ON THE MARCH

Cataduanes had a good start to the qualifiers thrasing Benlandngdo 4-0 with a hatrick from Sacario, but MD2 was a different proposition with Liverpool England the opposition, And the group favourites duly dispatched Islanders 2-0 with a brace from Langer, despite a strong performance by the Islanders the superiority of LE won in the end. MD 3 will see Bostopia come to the Estadio Nacional in Oltaloro city to face the Islanders, expect antything as Bostopia held LE to a draw on MD1!

Breaking news: Squad List just released! (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=11221618&postcount=81)

ONE RED DOT RETURN FROM FOOTBALL SILENCE,
FAIR RESULTS FROM "FOOTBALL VETERAN" RETURNEES
24 June 2006
by aSWORD.org.rd

After an 8 year hiatus from football, ONE RED DOT finally returns proudly to the world cup in thier red and white. It was not too long ago that the nation reached the quarterfinals of WC26 but then lost out to Bedistan. The shocking death of their previous coach, Chris Gwee, also saw the team backing out of WC27.

However, they now return, and restart their qualification run. They now start more than 60 ranks lower, currently at 86. The president of the Association of the Sporting World of One Red Dot (aSWORD) announced in a speech last week:

"It is with great ecstacy that I announce the return of our great team to the world stage. I still remember my days coaching One Red Dot. And although during that time we never really made the second round, we always consistently made the first round. And it was Chris that did what I could not. He improved the team so great that we made the Top 10 teams and stayed there for a fair while, including a fair shot at the second round in his later years, and finally climaxing to that quarterfinal 8 years ago. But sadly, of course, he had left us in that tragic incident.


The qualifications have already started with One Red Dot starting with a draw against Swilatia and defeating Carlitistia.

Ben BANDER equalised Swilatia at the 82nd minute in a gripping match at their home ground. Swilatia did well, scoring a goal in the first half, and kept making several attempts at goal. It was at the second half where a substitution brought BANDER to the field, and Swilatia conceded a goal as well.

Peter BRACK scored the sole goal during the match against Carlitistia at the 56th minute, assisted well by midfielder Winston TANG.

The next match features One Red Dot travelling to Dingzanwa where another favourable result is assured by most analysts.

One Red Dot will then host the game against GarfieldtheFat at the Royal Red Dot National Stadium. With an additional home ground advantage, another win is likely to be the result.



Tickets for the game against GarfieldtheFat at the Royal Red Dot National Stadium can be bought at your local ORDTIX. Channel 5 will also have a live broadcast at 8.00pm.

You're Watching World Cup Tonight,
Only on http://ns.goobergunch.net/wiki/images/SBC_logo.GIFSport
So now we had our second match, against Dingzanwa! and we won. thats right, we won! Wow! go Swilatia! Not only did you win but you also won 4-1, which means you won be THREE GOALS. I'm so glad! I do not know who would not be very glad beacause of this wonderful event? I think no-one.

Actually, I am not that glad. I'm not upset about this either, but this is NOT something to get so excited about. After all, the match was simply against a a rookie team with no good offense, or even good defense. Because of this, its not likely that we would have lost, had a draw, or not won by a margin as great as we won by here, now. So stop running around the studio like some retarded person.

Okay. but even though it was a rookie team, its still very good that we won, and by so much, as we are now as high as SECOND PLACE. we would be lower if we had not won. especially if we lost to them. then it would look soooo bad for us now. Just terrible.

Whatever. who, besides a rookie team, would lose to a rookie team?... Wait, lets just get to the match and and this silly argument.

Bu I am tired!

GET TO THE MATCH!!

fine. the match was 4-1.

THATS WHAT WE ALREADY KNOW!!

and thats all i know.

YOU HAVE THE SCRIPT IN FRONT OF YOU!!

Oh, yeah. the script. During most of the first ten minute, Swilaita had the ball. they also had a great strategy, especially by Karl Margrethe and Mikolaj Zoja, which resulted in an early GOOOOOAL. so very soon Swilatia was winning. the opponents thought that they had no chance. and they were right.

After that, Swilatia continiued its constant onslaught and attemp to score goals. for a full 20 minutes, there was lots of action on the Dingzanwa side of the field, and there was even a red card handed to Jean Malina for attempting to trip aplayer. then the ball gets really close, and Edgard Brigitta passes the ball to the striker Albert Suzanne who attempts to knock in a goal. the keeper saves the ball...

BUT GERLIND KNOCKS IN THE REBOUND!! GOOAL!! at 33 minutes.that increases Swilatia's lead by even more! And just 5 minutes after that, ANOTHER GOAL IS KNOCKED IN BY THE SAME GUY! thats going really good for swilatia here. 3 goals in one half.

Though during the remainder of the half, not much really happens though. At the second half, The Dingzanwans start to think that that they can still win even though the are being mauled by the Swilatian Team. They themselves thing they could score a goal, so they try.and unfortunately at 67 minutes they succeed, and decrease our lead to two points. Many people thought the match would end with these scores. After all, thats what the scoreboard said until the 82nd minute.

Why? because after that another goal is knocked in by the \Helena Mitzi, restoring our lead to its former glory, 3 points. In the end. we win by that margin.

Alas, now we are at second place. if we are this high at the end of the the qualifications, we actually Qualify for once!
Yes, we will sho the table
Group 5 GP W D L PTS GD GF GA
1 The Macabees 2 2 0 0 6 3 3 0
2 Swilatia 2 1 1 0 4 3 5 2
3 Spruitland 2 1 1 0 4 2 4 2
4 One Red Dot 2 1 1 0 4 1 2 1
5 Carlitistia 2 1 0 1 3 0 1 1
6 Total n Utter Insanity 2 0 1 1 1 -1 2 3
7 GarfieldtheFat 2 0 0 2 0 -3 0 3
8 Dingzanwa 2 0 0 2 0 -5 1 6
Now our next match will be against GarfieldTheFat. Let hope we will win.

We WILL win.

Two-down after ten minutes, a deflected opener followed almost from kick-off by a 25 yard piledriver. Ginger Collins and Tommy Barnes were discussing changes from the bench.

"Thinking of making a move, Tommy?"

"No, let's see how they get out of this..."

They fought back into the game but it was a nervy performance. Devey moving up front was not quite working and he missed an easy chance half-way through. Artoona were cemented in defence and now showed no ambition and the Swifts could not break them down.

Half-time and Tommy Barnes still made no changes, still did not raise his voice, still did not condescend. Just calmed the team down and explained that it would come if they were patient.

In the end when a goal did come it was all pretty proletarian. A rare attack from Artoona, a hefted clearance from Newton, a mistake by a defender and Treves was on him. Outpacing the defender he went 1 on 1 and made no mistake.

There were still 20 minutes to save the game. It took another 6 to equalize. The frantic Artoona defence were committing fouls in their frenzy to get tackles in and from one free-kick Kent curled a beauty in the top corner.

But try as they might Wentland could not get a winner - indeed a great save by Robinson late on when Artoona broke again saved the point.

***

Jeruselem at home. The Warplands. Major surgery to the team?

Nah.

Tommy Barnes named the same team yet again. The Crows were frustrated but Barnes explained that he thought, having drawn at one of the weaker teams, the "others" would be burning to prove their abilities anew.

But he was secretly thinking this was the last chance for some of them at least...

Going Underground!
Bettia's forward intentions sunk

We'll come here again.

Starblaydia stretched into an early two-point lead in Group Three after having played just two qualifying games out of fourteen. In the humid, claustraphobic atmosphere of the Sports Hall underneath the Karak D'Ragh volcano, a mostly-Dwarven crowd cheered on Starblaydia to a two-nil victory. Starblaydia were already riding slightly-high after a second-string side won 2-1 over Sexy Games with goals from Jackie Maitland and Tabitha Di Bradini.

This time, however, Herge Costa got the party started from a corner after just eight minutes. He rose highest above young Stephen Harris, powerfully heading in his first international goal for Starblaydia. Though Bettia tried to come surging back, Starblaydia's defence held firm, marshalled excellently by Markko Rakkinen and protected superbly by Pedro Rujano, sitting in front of them.

Who ate all the pies?
Who ate all the pies?
Us fat bastards, us fat bastards!
We ate all the pies!

No matter how hard Bettia came forward, Starblaydia were ready for them. Paul Noble often dropped into a second right-back position, allowing the pacier Tabitha Di Bradini to surge forward on the counter attack, just as she had done against Sexy Games. Even Johan Keifner helped out, acting as a third centre-back when needed on set pieces.

Jackie Maitland and Dwarven home favourite Durum Rage, however, were an attacking threat throughout the game, whether on the end of a fine passing move or as one-woman or one-Dwarf counter attackers. Starblaydia's second, and decisive, goal came from a free-kick, a perfect curler from the captain, Paul Noble.

After Maitland was brought down by Badr Warlow, Starblaydia had a dangerous position from which to strike their set piece. Though Warlow is often described as a lion, the White Lion is Starblaydia's national animal, and it was the White and Purple Lion that roared louder than the Green and Yellow one. Noble, the tireless Captain, struck a sweet right-footed kick that curled over and around the wall, slamming into the back of the highly-strung net and quickly bouncing out again.

Starblaydia travel only a few miles south from the Reigas province to Legalese for a Bekkside Derby on Matchday Three, and the defending champions will be hoping to extend their initial lead over the rest of the group.

[Nevvir] Well, confusion seems to be the key in Tinsuvilia. Their commentary was referring to the Bostopian penalty taker as Frank Mirring, who, as we know, was injured in the drawn game against Liverpool England. Whether the Tinsuvilians hadn't seen the squad annoucement previously announced is not something we know, but the confusion was added by the fact 'TRENT' was written on the back of the shirt of the penalty taker.

However, Kevin Ferring has announced his team for today's game against Cataduanes.

GK - D.Kripp
DL - Drean, DC - Young, DC - Virik, DR - Lill
ML - Triff, MC - Finbarr, MC - Serring, MC - Reppon
SC - Trent, SC - Pinton

Ferring was said to have commented that while last week's undefendable formation was undefendable against, it seemed pretty easy to score goals against. The fact Trent's finishing was slightly off-form also seemed not to help matters, after 3 players had already been taken off with injuries in the first half, none of whom have recovered in time for full fitness, but should be back in the next game.

On other injury news, Frank Mirring should be back in time for the match at home against Qazok, which will be the 7th game in qualifiying.

The match will be broadcast live on Channel 95 Sports, we hope to see you then.

AwalKB Football Report

Coming to you live from the heart of AwalKB, I'm Joe Lohos in our first ever episode of AwalKB Football Report here on Channel One.

In international news, the AwalKB Sex Gods lost in a crushing 3-1 home field defeat to Harlesburg.

The scoring started off with a beautiful header by Sex God forward Jeff Sanzo in the 18th minute, but was quickly overshadowed by a pair of goals by the Harlesburg forwards in the 25th and 28th minute.

It was only downhill from there for the AwalKB side, as the Harlesburg sucessfully shut down every attack the Sex Gods put at them. There was seemingly no way for the squad to squeeze by the tough Harlesburgians.

The scoring was capped off in the 88th minute as a Harlesburg defender came up and launched a shot into the top corner.

After this loss the group standings are as follows:

Group 3 GP W T L PTS GD GF GA
1 Starblaydia 2 2 0 0 6 3 4 1
2 Harlesburg 2 1 0 1 3 1 6 5
3 Virginia Nova 2 1 0 1 3 0 5 5
4 Bettia 2 1 0 1 3 0 2 2
5 Legalese 2 0 2 0 2 0 3 3
4 Sexy Games 2 1 0 1 3 0 3 3
6 AwalKB 2 0 1 1 1 -2 3 5
7 Spindomia 2 0 1 1 1 -2 1 3

AwalKB currently sits at the bottom of the group with only one point from their suprising draw with Legalese.

The Sex Gods are set to play the 3rd ranked Virginia Nova today and the match is expected to be a thriller.

With their team expected to lose once again the AwalKB team spokeperson has stated that the team still has confidence in themselves.

A very impressive feat as nearly 2 billion AwalKB residents dissagree with them.

The match against Virginia Nova is set to take place at AwalK City Stadium once again, and is expected to be relatively empty...

Coming to you live from AwalKB this is Joe Lohos, and we'll be right back with our update on the AwalKian First League...

Mariners Win Two Away!
The Montréal Nautical – Kelse’s Premier English News Source

MONTRÉAL, Kelse (AP) - The national football team of Kelse have won their first two matches away to kick of their WC29 qualifiying campaign on top of Group 7. The team won their first match against Dorian and Sonya, followed by a win against unranked Snub nose 38point1 (SN38.1), both by the score of three to one. The streets of Montréal, especially around the Wilshire Boulevard district in Saint-Laurent, have been especially crowded with fans at the end of matches with crazed fans and more. In other news, head coach Janelle Croft has been praised by many throughout the country and is in talks for a photoshoot with FHM Kelse and also a sports talk show in the off season with De Lux Sportif.

The two wins puts Kelse at the top of Group 7, two full points ahead of Sarzonia, Kericia, and Rejistania, three points ahead of Dorian and Sonya, five points ahead of Tecpatl, and six full points ahead of SN38.1 and Aigosthena. On Matchday One, Rejistania struggled to take out SN38.1 but managed a 2-1 win while Sarzonia easily earned three points over Aigosthena and Kericia was shocked with a 3-3 tie with Tecpatl. On Matchday Two, Rejistania and Sarzonia had a score-less tie, Dorian and Sonya took out Tecpatl 2-1, and Kericia snatched a win from Aigosthena with a score of 1-0. If anything, it shows that Kelse really does have a chance with the big teams. Seeded fourth, Kericia doesn't look so hot while first seeded Rejistania barely edged out unranked SN38.1, a team Kelse dominated over.

MD 1 & 2 Scoreline
Dorian and Sonya 1 (Jablon '80)
Kelse 3 (Landreu '24, Lacoste '38, Lacoste '87)

Snub nose 38point1 1 (Left Forward '84)
Kelse 3 (Nakamura '12, Landreu '54, Lacoste '74)

The next match at Tecpatl should be a bit harder, but most are expecting a third Kelsian win. Tecpatl shouldn't be judged however as they nearly beat Dorian and Sonya and tied Kericia in a high-scoring match. Forward Noah Landreu was quoted when leaving the stadium in SN38.1 "I'm worried, I mean it should be our victory but... i'm just a bit concerned... well all I know is that we're going to give everything we got..." while head coach Janelle Croft was quoted with "Were going to charge into their stadium and take 'em down, knock 'em out Mariner style and leave with our three points. You'll see!"

The Mariners third match against Tecpatl will be televised live today on De Lux Sportif at 2:00pm with repeats on Sportif Reloaded at 8:00pm and 4:30am.

The Isangrad Times
Magnus Valerius Mops the Floor with Puny Teams
Nebuleux and Kedalfax Crushed in Magnus Valerius's First Matches

KEDALFAX --- The Valerian Boyars celebrated with Tsar George's American Fried Chicken and countless bottles of booze and beer after their stunning sweep versus the Kedalfaxian team, at their own home! This was their best game score in the history of the World Cup, with the Valerians setting a record 5 goals to two. The game in Kedalfax ended with 2 - 5, and of course, a drunk and morale-charged Boyars rearing for their next game.

"This is outrageous!" an angered Kedalfaxian muttered as he stormed out of the arena. But yes, the Boyars did pull off this stunt, no matter how that Kedalfaxian sulked.

The first matchday involved Magnus Valerius hosting Nebuleux at the Colonial Stadium in New Batavia, Shorehaven. The Nebuleux started off with the ball, but at the 11th minute, the Nebuleuxians lost control of the ball when their main forward tripped over his shoelaces. The crowd was in an uproar of mixed laughter and disbelief as the ball was snatched by Jacques d'Anjou. d'Anjou took the ball for a ride past the Nebuleuxian and punted in the ball past an apparently hyperactive goalie to make the first point of the game at the 15th minute. The Valerians soon began to hold off an angry squad of Nebuleuxians, keeping the game score stable until Jacques d'Anjou, who was doing extremely well in the game, made the second point for the Valerians at the 42nd minute.

The rest of the game against the Nebuleuxians involved nothing but defense for the Valerians, as the Nebuleuxians tried to bring back the heat to the Valerian side of the field. They had no luck, as the game ended with a 2 - nil win for the Boyars.

On Matchday 2, the Boyars found themselves away in an action-packed game versus WC rookies Kedalfax. Ranked 171, they surely were not going to expect much in a game versus the battle-tested Boyars. The game started off with the Valerians making a mad rush towards the goal. George Illyanich, the Tower of Power, humiliated the Kedalfaxian defensive lines as he shot in a clean goal at the 9th minute. The Kedalfaxians got their revenge as at the 12th minute they knocked in another goal.

The Valerian defense recovered and brought in Ali ibn Dumat to sub for Gustav Sibel for goaltender, who was having a stomach ache from some bad food from the Cute Bunny Burger Corporation. Apparently, that is what happens when Valerians eat from a treacherous food chain!

Kyrill Feodorov charged through the lines, and taking a pass from longtime friend Jonathon Song, made a goal at the 21st minute. The Valerians continued the offensive push throughout the rest of the game after Kedalfaxia evened the score to 2 - 2 at the 36th minute. Jonathon Song, right at the start of second half, made a goal in at the 48th minute. Yet, there was even more action from the Boyars. George Illyanich was intent on devastating Kedalfaxia, and had his eyes set on a hat trick.

At the 63rd minute, Illyanich made his second goal of the game, and the Boyar's 4th, making the score 2 - 4. Illyanich was not finished yet. At the final minutes of the game and taking advantage of Valerian pressure, the Tower of Power made one final goal at the 87th minute, pulling off a hat trick and marking an end to a high-pitched game.

"I am so happy to pull off a hat trick," Illyanich said as he warded off a horde of young Valerian female fans shouting his name. Several women also fainted after apparently having some of Illyanich's sweat fall on them.

"I know we might end up like this versus Bedistan!" laughed Illyanich, "so we have to enjoy this victory while it lasts."

Tomorrow, Magnus Valerius will be away again at the Sovietry. Hopefully, the Imperial Boyars will rock the communists with another fast-paced game as they did today in Kedalfaxia.

MD 1 Final Score

Magnus Valerius 2 - 0 Nebuleux

Scorers:
Jacques d'Anjou (#8): 2 pts. (14th and 42nd)

MD 2 Final Score

Kedalfaxia 2 - 5 Magnus Valerius

Scorers:

--Valerian--
George Illyanich (#1): 3 pts. (9th, 63rd, 87th)
Kyrill Feodorov (#23): 1 pt. (21st)
Jonathon Song (#52): 1 pt. (48th)

--Kedalfaxian--
(OOC: Unknown): 2 pts. (12th, 36th)

GRAHAM CITY SUN - Sporst Section

Referee Ruins Match

GOOD HAPPINESS - Well, I'm not quite sure what to say about the match that was just played at a rundown field over in Good Happiness, and for what the Stars, despite the good weather, will be cursing upside down, left, right and center for the rest of time. The skills of Good Happiness resembled the pitch that the match was played on, with only scant few fans actually bothering to show up for the match. The Stars opened up with a beautiful long ball from Deldier who placed it right onto the foot of Bloudin, who powered it home to put the Stars up 1-0. Well, not really, seeing as how the refs ruled it offside, which it was not.

The next 'goal' for the Stars came off of a corner kick, with defensemen Kellen Markoff putting it in, but having it called back from a foul on Kavanagh. Manager Doig had to restrain Christopher Landry, who nearly rushed onto the field to beat the ref to a bloody pulp. The Stars scored once again, this time off of a bicycle kick inside the eighteen yard box from Bloudin. But this time the goal was disallowed off of a mysterious handball that Bloudin apparently commited. The next disallowed goal came off of a penalty kick. I know, it sounds next to impossible, but somehow, the ref disallowed the kick TWICE. Once for kicking too early, and the other for the players coming off the line into play before the kick was taken. Neither of which happened to be the case, but the Stars were robbed again. This time Doig looked a little more reluctant to contain his bench.

The Stars scored three more times in the match, each time called back off of phantom calls. It was a complete disgrace. The referee, apparently an Abysmali from Rejistania, left under armed guard and a smokescreen, smelling suspiciously of ganja weed. Doig and the rest of the team refused to speak to reporters, though those who waited outside the locker rooms at the local high school, whose field the match was played on, could be heard beating the lockers and burning an effigy of said referee. After venting their rage, Doig spoke to the press. "As much as I hate blaming the ref, there really was no one else to blame. I didn't even know the Abysmalis were still around!"

And so, the drama that is the Allied States qualifying attempt continues...

FINAL SCORE
The Lowland Clans - 0
Good Happiness - 0

MD1- The Lowland Clans v. Danskmark - W; 2-1
MD2- Good Happiness v. The Lolwand Clans - T; 0-0
MD3- The Lowland Clans v. Oliverry
MD4- Commerce Heights v. The Lolwand Clans
MD5- The Lowland Clans v. Adam Island
MD6- Collonie v. The Lowland Clans
MD7- Mrkvejnia v. The Lowland Clans
MD8- Danskmark v. The Lowland Clans
MD9- The Lowland Clans v. Good Happiness
MD10- Oliverry v. The Lowland Clans
MD11- The Lowland Clans v. Commerce Heights
MD12- Adam Island v. The Lowland Clans
MD13- The Lowland Clans v. Collonie
MD14- The Lowland Clans v. Mrkvejnia

MD3 S-C-O-R-E-S (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=11222941&postcount=4)

http://img142.imageshack.us/img142/9163/starlogo2ti.jpg
Mateys not performing

They beat Yafor 2 at and now they have beaten us at home, Ulyanovia home ground seems to be turning into a fortress for these guys, beating two teams ranked well above them. The Mateys though do have themselves to blame and havn't played well at all so far in this tournament.

The midfield isnt working, many are wondering if Kingsberry will start the next game and also the striker force isnt clicking and many are wondering if Amusi Akobyi is passed it which harsh to think as he has done so much for us and wasnt even born in the commonwealth.

Todays midfield pairing was Livingston and Gregg Gregg, the third different combination so far with Livingston and Mc Niece in MD 1 and 2 and Livingston and Irwin for part of MD 1 which has worked the best so far for this WC.
The strike force was also the third different one so far with Akobyi partnering Curry this time around.

The match was a dull affair again with ameteur mistakes being made from both teams, Bellucci hit the post after an excellant lay off from Gregg and Akobyi was just short of a low cross from Stewert. Mateys keeper Brian Livingston didnt have any saves to make until the 85th minute when the Ulyanovian striker broke the Mateys offside trap. Andrews' legs seem to have gone and the 30 year old was unable to catch him , leaving with a one on one chance with the goal keeper which he put away very nicely. The Mateys realising an upset poured forward but it was too late. Ulyanovia started some serious time wasting which Bazlonian ref Harry Ford seemed to let go as they rolled around. K Livingston and Armstrong both recieved yellow cards for protesting in the last five minutes.

Final score
Ulyanovia 1:0 Lisburn Mateys
Number 9 (no roster posted)


Next its a trip to New Montreal states the group favourite who smashed Yafor 2 , 3-0 today, its ok to be scared.......

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1 Point > 0 Points...?

Last away game for 3 matchdays is a draw!

Up 1 - 0 at half, the Sturmkrieger were feeling fine. Kavelt had aided midfielder Warren Feld in scoring his first international goal ever in the 19th minute, and Imre Keller was one half nearer to two consecutive shut outs than at the start of the day. It's a shame it couldn't last.

The second half was clearly leaning toward the woeful Wombats, with seemingly every call furthering their cause. It was one of these calls that would decide that match.

86th Minute, 1 - 0 Tinsuvilia. Then the referee became involved. A slight tap from young defender Anthony Yans was followed by an obvious dive that the referee felt compelled to call as a foul and worst of all in the penalty box. Several seconds later, Juanita Hess had placed the ball just over Keller for the equalizer.

Tinsuvilia: 1 (Feld 19)
Green Wombats: 1 (Hess 86)

Legalese Thrased 4-0
Rage dishes out an Axe-Murdering

A short hop south across the border, run around on some grass for a little while, then back home for tea and biscuits. It's all in a day's work for Starblaydia's men, women and 'others'. Those others include include two Dwarves - Adimurti Drazarim and Durum Rage. It was Rage, the Number 8, who completely ran the show, down in Legalese.

Two goals from the Dwarf, having already set up the first for Marissa Cortez, earned him a man-of-the-match display as Starblaydia kept their three point lead - over Bettia and Virginia Nova, who both won today too.

Johan Keifner made it four and had the travelling Starblaydi fans - bedecked in purple - in rapture as they racked up their biggest win since World Cup 27's Qualifiers. Harlesburg are next up for Starblaydia as they play their first international match in the newly-enveloped territories of Aquiliana. After that, Starblaydia take to the road for five consecutive matchdays, before coming back for their final three matches at home.

Rage evoked memories of the great Number-Eights such as Menecrates, Itechton Matranga, Tetsuo Noaki and Syku Lyku-Agbayani as he completely ran the show from the halfway line to the Legalite penalty area. He unselfishly produced an excellent square-ball to Cortez once he'd broken through into the box, a pass which Cortez slotted simply into the far corner past the despairing keeper. Rage's first goal came soon after, crashing in off the underside of the bar as he shot from just outside the box with a hammer of a drive.

The second was a cheeky back-heel on the edge of the six-yard box. Having received the ball from Maitland, he looked to turn but was blocked by two players. A flick of his heel later and the ball bobbled into the net, the 'keeper completely wrong-footed. The final goal was the simplest - and excellently delivered - of crosses, meeting the head of the giant Keifner for him to power the ball home with a thunderous header, completely shrugging off the challenge of a defender.

Three from three, with only one goal conceeded, and Starblaydia are on-course for that elusive title defence, and their third Championship in recent times.

Elven Sports Network
Current Show: Football Central

"Good evening everyone and welcome to another edition of Football Central. I'm Jason Klien with Jennifer Sar and Richard Rios. Today the Marauders took a big hit in their attempt to qualify, with a loss 6-1 in Haraki. To add further damage, Kyle Collins suffered a high ankle sprain and will be out for at least 6 weeks, and he will be replaced by a player to be named tommorow. Well I guess we have to get around to it Richard, what in the world caused this disaster?"

"In all honesty, I think it was overconfidence. After their display last game, I think they just came in way too confident, and made mistakes that Haraki capitalized on. Though when Collins went down, and Haraki continued play and scored, that just isn't right. It's showing horrible sportsmanship, and they should be ashamed."

"Well boys, they should, but so should we. Not only did we lose, but giving up 6 goals really puts us in bad spot in goal differential. We're now a minus four, and if it comes down to tiebreakers, that puts the Marauders in a place they certainly don't want to be."

"You're right of course Jennifer. Now onto the injury to Collins, who do you think he will be replaced with?"

"Well I don't think you will agree with me Jenn, but I think that they should take a serious look at Justin Farmer of the Raynor City Rockers. I mean, he is tied for the lead in goals in the Premier League, and he is used to playing with Zacharius, St Louis, and Cuellar. It seems like a perfect fit to me."

"Well you're right Richard, I completly disagree. I think they should bring in Nikali Rikard. I know he is young, but he's been explosive the last two years since being sent up to the Premier League. He has 4 of the Hawks 7 goals, and is one of the fastest players in the ESF. What do you think Jason?"

"I think I would go with Rikard also. He is young, and that means he'll be availble for more than this and the next Cups unlike Farmer. Besides, its about time Hartdale has some representation on the national team.

Now onto the game. St Louis obviously didn't have his best game, but to be fair, his defence was nowhere to be found. The offence really only had the one chance and they capitalized on it, with Zacharius getting his second goal in qualifying. To be honest, Haraki just outplayed the Marauders. Zendar and Thompson were near impossible to stop, with each having a hat trick. What are the Maruaders going change in order for a better result in the next match Rich?"

"Well one of two game plans. Either play a possesive style game or just attack attack attack. Either style of play suits the set of players that Florintine brought. I know its going to be hard, but they just need to forget about this game and move on."

"Agreed. Night has proved she is one of the better players in the group, so they are going to have to get her more involved. Zacharius has a hieght advantage over most, so some wing play to him would also be needed."

"Well I guess we'll see. Join in next time when we review the game against System Karela. Also be sure to check the Elven Times to see who Forty chooses to replace Collins with. This is Jason Klien with Richard Rios and Jennifer Sar signing off."

End Broadcast

Column in the Deadbolt Sentinel

Holy Emperor Crapfuck, we're not actually sucking in this World Cup! True, it's more than a little down to playing System Karela - read: putting nineteen people behind the ball and praying we can score first - and down to fielding a robot - although by all accounts, Sparky has been a workhorse more than a playmaker - but screw you all, we're undefeated in the group! Knockout stages, here we come!

McPsychoville 2:1 Bothen
Praying2God 0:1 McPsychoville
McPsychoville 1:0 Quakmybush

McPsychoville Psychos - 3-0-0, 4:1

The HNN Sports logo spun across the scene as a tense theme song played and an image made by the HNN, boldly displaying the words 'World Cup 29 Qualifying' on it, faded in in the background and then out into the faces of Sam Sherman and Rebecca Bristol. Sherman looked relieved. Bristol merely looked slightly pleased. Sherman started off the evening's report.

"Well, last night the Hawks played against the unranked nation of Elves Security Forces, in a match vital for the Hawks' morale and public support. At home to a sold out Champion Field, the Hawks soundly trounced the Elves 6-1, just going to show that Vargas was right in his changes around the field, starting Theo Angelica for Luke Ford, Daniel Halner for defender Gary Willis, and keeper Chris O'Hara for Mark Stone.

"Really, the Hawks looked to be back in shape for this game, eking out a reosunding victory over the group's eighth seed. Haraki's two forwards dominated play, with the game's only goals going to Matthew Thompson and Mike Zendar, each of them earning their first-ever hat trick in international play and Thompson doubling the amount of goals he's ever scored internationally."

Here Bristol took over, afraid that the clinically insane Sherman might get off topic and leave his nice, sensical game explanation far behind. "It looks like whatever Lloyd Vargas told his team after the first two games worked. In front of the rejoicing home crowd, Haraki managed to dominate play right from the first minute, with their first goal coming only five minutes in. Richard Weber took a shot from the edge of the box which the Elves' keeper, Martin St. Louis managed to tip up over the crossbar for a Harakian corner kick, which Thomas Neils took, managing to bend it up nicely, and land it right in front of Matthew Thompson, who simply tipped it in.

"Their second goal came ten minutes later when some aggressive midfield play from the Elves ended with Thompson stealing the ball and running his way up the field, left with only one defender, Dwier Titenburg, between him and the goal. He shot it past Titenburg and managed to curve it past St. Louis for Haraki's second goal." As she spoke, the highlights of the goals played.

"The rest of the first half played out without much excitement. An overzealous Richard Weber was yellow carded for a sliding tackle against the Elves' Kyle Collins, which seemed to put something off in his ankle. Although he continued play, in the second half he had to go off for an injury which will apparently put him out of play for at least six weeks."

"My condolences to him, Rebecca. After twenty-five minutes of fierce midfield action, with only a few forays into Harakian or Elven defence, all of which were defeated without even any shots, the Elves managed their only goal just before the end of the first half. Off an Elven throw-in, forward Zacharius got the ball deep in Haraki's end and pulled off a shot from just inside the penalty area, just barely not offside, which he got past Chris O'Hara."

"The first half ended several minutes later, with the Hawks up 2-1," Bristol took over, "but after the break, it was entirely a Harakian game, with the Elves recording only thirteen minutes of posession in the entire half. Zendar got a goal off the rebound from a Samantha Ribald shot only moments into the half, followed fifteen minutes later by the Elves' only scoring opportunity in the second half, when Kyle Collins got the ball deep in Haraki's end only to collpase on his ankle with no provocation. The Hawks carried on playing, with all but a few defenders not even noticing Collins' injury, and three minutes of play later Thompson finished off his hat trick."

Sherman raised his finger to jut into her speech. "Apparently after he discovered Collins had been injured, Hawks' captain Mike Zendar approached the referee and requested that the clock be set back to the time of the injury and the goal be discounted for good sportsmanship, but the referee denied him, making the game carry on."

"And carry on it did, Sam, with Mike Zendar recording two goals in the last ten minutes plus injury time to put away a very convincing 6-1 victory. And I must say, I was doubting the Hawks' ability just earlier this week and now all those doubts are gone. The Hawks were like a new team today. Maybe it was Vargas's changes, which included Theo Angelica playing a great midfield game as left defensive midfield. Daniel Halner certainly didn't distinguish himself in any way, with Kiros Tigers' defensive star Jonah Menike recording many more crucial saves and also a yellow card at seventy minutes, but Werner Vittlebach on the right side also played well. Vargas has announced he will be starting Angelica again for Ford, and secondary defender Rebcca Disano will be taking over centre-back defender as started for Matchday Four. Chris O'Hara will stay at starter goalie, drawing into question Vargas' thoughts about Mark Stone, the Harakian living legend in net."

"I think the problem is that Mark Stone always loses his confidence in international games," Sam Sherman pointed out. "The tournament I saw him play best was his international debut in the pre-World Cup 27 Baptism of Fire, where he recorded six shutouts out of eight games. But he never seems confident, always blaming himself for his failures or even non-perfect successes. I think maybe seeing how well Harakian goalies can play by watching Chris O'Hara for another game could give him his confidence, and I'm pretty sure Vargas will start him for Matchday Five's away game in Becquerelia."

"Well, only time will tell, Sam. O'Hara had a pretty easy time in net against the Elves, with so few shots on net. Up against Cuation next week, I'm not sure if he'll be able to handle the pressure. Remember the only games he's ever started in have been U21s, where Haraki is the reigning world champion and so he's used to not playing as stiff opposition as in the real World Cup."

"I think he'll do just fine, Rebecca."

"He's definitely a good keeper, Sam, but I'm just not sure if he can handle the big international games. He'll almost certainly be on the World Cup 30 team, though, so we'll see how he does then as well." She checked her watch. "We're almost out of time. Remember, highlights from Haraki Hawks games will be playing every weeknight starting at 8:30. Watch and cheer for your favourite players. For Sam and myself, here at the Haraki News Network, we wish you a good night."

"Good night!"

The HNN Sports logo spun on the screen again, and the World Cup 29 Qualifying image briefly faded in to half and then out again to the real news anchor, Bridget Evans. "In other news, the situation in Danteri worsened today with the attempted assassination of Neue Neue Deutsch military leader Luisa Rhurlunder. Rhurlunder is beign operated on by Harakian surgeons and is expected-"

"-Stay tuned for a 24-hour marathon of..."



---

Haraki 6 - Elves Security Forces 1

Thompson (5)
Thompson (14)
(42) Zacharius
Zendar (48)
Thompson (61)
Zendar (84)
Zendar (90+1)

Who the hell is this Margaret?

About the only person in the Stars locker room who wasn't asking that question was the team's assistant coach. The only reason he wasn't asking is because he was only the greatest Stars player to ever take to the pitch for Sarzonia.

No, Brian Wilson had very little interest in stories about Margaret or in learning the exploits of Ben Dover or anyone else from the past of Snub Nose 38. He wanted the Stars to focus on their match against Snubnose38point1 and on getting the full three points to keep pace with Rejistania.

"Such a young team," Wilson grumbled as he and Coach Mark Wingate started jogging from the locker room to take their position on the player's bench. "I'm surprised they haven't fucked things up more by now."

Little did he know that the next major fuck up for anyone involved with Stars football would not come courtesy of a youthful Stars player notching only his third-ever cap. It would be the coach who was managing things on the sidelines. Before 10 minutes had elapsed, Sarzonia were down 0:1 in front of a silent crowd at Bryan Marshall Stadium in Woodstock. Worse yet, just 16 minutes after the shock goal, Wingate earned himself an early trip to the showers when he pushed the referee.

That left Wilson to coach the team himself, which he will also have to do in the team's next match since Wingate is automatically suspended for the next match and may be subject to further penalties should the World Cup Committee see fit to hand out a longer suspension. That left Wilson to have responsibility for dealing with Kericia, the team expected to be Sarzonia's biggest threat for a berth in the World Cup finals.

It was Wilson who faced the media questions after the match since Wingate left the stadium without speaking to a single reporter.

"What did you tell the lads after Wingate was sent off?"

"Nothing."

"What do you mean?"

"You can't call a time out in football to organise everyone," Wilson said. "Our lads need to be able to figure things out on their own. Unfortunately, we didn't and you saw the halftime score (Sarzonia 0:1 Snub Nose 38point one). I told them at halftime that they needed to get out there and stop playing like they're afraid and start playing like they're capable of playing.

"I also told them that Margaret was a two pence slut," he smirked.

Whatever it was he told them, the Stars responded with goals in the 55th minute and the 68th minute to snatch victory from the jaws of defeat. They also turned the crowd's halftime jeers back to cheers as the Stars showed a resolve that marked their 0:0 away draw to Rejistania.

Goalkeeper coach Horace Sandt, who had been away on a scouting trip, will assist Wilson on the sidelines during Wingate's suspension. The Incorporated Football Federation is expecting word from the WCC about Wingate's status any day now.

But for now, the Stars are going to celebrate an unlikely win. And the silence of a certain two pence slut named Margaret.

Quakmybush Team Surprising Everyone, Except Themselves.


The Quakmybush national soccer team played another qualifying round game today, and suffered a 1-0 loss to Mcpsychoville, not a surprise by any means. The real surprise was Quakmybush's goaltender Cam Carroll. He played amazing, stopping 15 shots, including a penalty. The team needs to get scoring seeing as they have only scored 1 goal in 3 games. In an effort to shake things up, the team will sit forward Darrel Ralegigh, and start Mike Martin. The team will face number 135th ranked Krajkovia tommorrow.

"Mr. Prime Minister, what do you have to say about the AwalKB Football teams most recent 3-2 defeat to Virginia Nova?"

"We suck."

"Excuse me, sir?"

"We suck, plain and simple, no other way to put it. We aren't experienced at this level of play, and it's showing. It's not like we didn't expect it. Although I was suprised that we scored the first 2 goals I might add."

"Mr. Prime Minister, what is your take on the returning of Alfred Flatt to coach the AwalKB team during World Cup qualifying?"

"I have no comment."

"Sir, is it true that you sent a squad of AwalKB soldiers to seize Mr. Flatt after the loss to Tessan during the Baptism of Fire tournament?"

"I have no idea what you're talking about."

"Surely you've heard that 10 of our soldiers are currently in Legalese custody for falsely imprisoning Mr. Flatt within their borders?"

"Mr. Flatt has blatantly disobeyed my orders of not losing, and therefore disobeyed his country. He is a traitor to me, this football team, and most importantly this entire nation. You can trust me when I say, you won't be seeing Mr. Flatt for any more press conferences anymore, or at all for that matter."

"Sir, are you implying that Mr. Flatt is in AwalKB custody?"

"I'm simply saying that Mr. Flatt has yet again gone missing, quite like former coach Frap Pachino."

"So you're saying we'll find him dead?"

"Ah what the hell, yes we're going to kill the fool. He sucks at coaching and he's suppose to be good, and he was never invited back it was just a god damn publicity stunt to let him keep coaching. I hate him, he's dead. If you have a problem with it, you're dead."

"Yes, sir, I have no more questions."

"Very good, anyone else?"

The Prime Minister looks around the bewildered room containing 25 of the most prestigious with a satisfied grin on his face.

"Alright then, I see that we're done here, thank you very much gentlemen."

Star reporter Joe Lohos leans over to his camera man with a suprised look on his face.

"Didn't see that one coming."

"Well, what did you expect, after that other reporter went missing after he wrote some god damn article that made the Minister look bad."

"True, guess he doesn't expect any of us to let the word slip?"

"He'll probably kill us all of it did."

"True, well, guess we'll just make the same old report, how about, 'Sex Gods Lose in 3-2 Thriller'"

"Eh, I donno, I think we're overdoing the 'thriller' thing. How about, 'Sex Gods defeated in 3-2 disaster.'?"

"Sounds good to me, alright lets get back to the station to work on the script."

The AwalKB Times
Sex Gods defeated in 3-2 disaster

AWALK CITY, AwalKB -- Earlier today the AwalKB Sex Gods were defeated in literally 20 minutes.

After taking an early lead with a goal from midfielder Andrew Wilson in the 19th minute, the AwalKB team dominated throughout the first half and for most of the second half.

The upset of the Virginia Nova team looked very plausible after the goal by Jon Calzone in the 55th minute put the Sex Gods up 2-0.

The AwalKB defense clearly became relaxed and the Nova team took quick advantage of their speed and Harold Freemont put one in the back of the net in the 70th minute to start what turned out to be an avalanche of goals that put the AwalKB team on their heels.

In the 83rd minute a tying goal came from Nova midfielder, Ross Perio on a diving header that snuck through goalkeeper Taylor Johnson's outstretched fingers.

To make matters far worse, Harold Freemont scored the game-winning goal in the 90th minute as the referee sent off AwalKB defender Kedzie Tomario for denying an obvious goal scoring opportunity and rewarded the Nova's with a Penalty Kick, upon which he finished.

After this most recent defeat the standings of Group 3 are as follows:

Group 3 GP W T L PTS GD GF GA
Starblaydia 3 3 0 0 9 7 8 1
Bettia 3 2 0 1 6 4 7 3
Virginia Nova 3 2 0 1 6 1 8 7
Harlesburg 3 1 1 1 4 1 7 6
Sexy Games 3 1 0 2 3 -4 4 8
Spindomia 3 0 2 1 2 -2 2 4
Legalese 3 0 2 1 2 -4 3 7
AwalKB 3 0 1 2 1 -3 5 8

AwalKB continues to sit at the bottom of the group with only one point from their astounding tie with Legalese.

The Sex God's are set to take on the 5th Group ranked Sexy Games in what looks to be a possible victory for the AwalKB team. Unfortunately this challenge will have to be faced on foreign territory as the Sex Gods travel to Sexy Games to take on the squad there.

This upcoming game could either spell disaster for the rest of the AwalKB run in the World Cup qualifying, or it could be a glimmer of hope, either way, it'll be a game to watch tommorow afternoon on the AwalKB Football Channel One. By Joe Lohos

QSPN FOOTBALL WEEKLY

Rottenburger: "Welcome to Benlandngdo and the 3rd match of Qazox' run towards the 29th World Cup. Vic Ditale is not with me here today, as he mysteriously came down with strep throat. The key to this match will be whether or not Qazox is looking forwards to Next week's match against Liverpool England. If they are then an upset is possible. They're ready down on the pitch and here we go..

Forward to 34th minute... #14 has the ball. this team has not given names to their players. he shoots, rebounded of the far post, collected by #7, he shoots and GOOOAALL for Benlandngdo in the 34th minute as they take the early lead here 1-0. And Reggie Hassok is being subbed for here as he comes up holding his left arm.. looks like he dislocated his shoulder on the dive there and John Frorr will come into net for the Black Oxen...

Forward to the 57th minute Gonzalez, running down the side, and She's tackled very hard by #6 and yep... a yellow card here as that was a blantant high slide. Bookman lines for the free kick, over the wall.. OFF the near post, and SCORRRRRRREEEEE!!! Alicia Gonzalez, with a beautiful header here in the 58th minute has tied the match at 1-all and it was a great free kick by Bookman that set her up as the deflection of the near post went right to her.

Forward to the 81st minute The balck oxen are looking to go ahead here is what has become a tougher match than they expected.. Andrew mason has it, passes to his brother Anthony. He driible hpast #6 WHO TAKES HIM DOWN deliberately as Mason had him beat and the ref comes over and SHOW #6 A YELLOW AND RED and he is gone. Banlandngdo is no down to 10 players in the final 10 minutes. Anthony Mason.. about 23 yards out lines for the kick and GOOOOOOOOOAALL!! he just bent it better than that Berker guy and it just went in of the far post and Qazox has come back to now lead 2-1 here in the 82nd minute.

The endThat's it its over and for the first time ever in qualifying, Qazox is 3-0-0. and leads the group heading into LE next week. this isn't your older brother's Oxen, they look to have a mission and that is to get to Casari or Krytenia and so far it looks good.. but the toughest tests are to come over the next three weeks as they go to Liverpool England and host Bazalonia and Catduanes. FOr QSPN I'm Ben Rottenburger have a good night.

SUMMARY:

Benlandngdo: 1 (#7- 34')
Qazox: 2 (Gonzalez (3) 58'; Anthony Mason (1) 82')
Bookings:
Yellow: benlandngdo:#6- 57', 81'
Red: Benlandngdo: #6- 81'

GREEN WOMBAT FREE PRESS

Tinsuvilia is a tough team as drew our Wombats today 1-1. but Green Wombat showed they aren't just gonna roll over and die as they came back lat in the match to draw. Feld in the 19th minute gave Tinsuvilia the early lead but Juanita Hess scored int he 86th minute to tie the match

In other Group 8 matches today, the top seeds held form as LE defeated Bazalonia 2-0, Cataduanes blew out Bostopia 3-0 and the DAMMNED OXEN stayed perfect with a 2-1 comback win over Benlandngdo. The Group looks like this after the 1st 3 matches:


TEAM W-D-L PTS GF GA GD
Qazox 3-0-0 9 8 3 +5
Liverpool England 2-1-0 7 6 2 +4
Catadaunes 2-0-1 6 7 2 +5
Tinsuvilia 1-1-1 4 4 3 +1
Benlandngdo 1-0-2 3 2 6 -4
Green Wombat 0-2-1 2 4 6 -2
Bazalonia 0-1-2 1 1 4 -3
Bostopia 0-1-2 1 2 8 -6

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Unicorns Win 3-1

Queen Sonya was glad that today’s match was in Aigosthena. The home fans needed more time to cool down and the Mystical Unicorns return home following two road against sides we should beat and a match at Group 7 powerhouse Rejistania would find the home fans in a much better frame of mind.

The match had started a bit slow as neither side looked ready to play. The Unicorns had always worn down quick on road trips while Aigosthena was still new to all this. It wasn’t until the 43rd minute that the first real break came for the home squad. Almost as if they were asleep, the Unicorns simply watched as Aigosthena took a 1-0 lead into the halftime break.

If nothing else, that easy goal woke up D&S head coach Luthien Oronar. To say she was furious would be a complete understatement. Fans seated in the nose-bleeds could hear the ranting and raving from the locker room. Trainer Fransisca Centore had other ideas. While the coach foamed at the mouth like a rabid dog, she quietly handed out double lattes to all the players.

Well, either the tirade or the caffeine worked wonders. It was a completely different story in the second half. Players were throwing their bodies around the pitch knowing that any injury would be less severe than the punishment if they didn’t. Tisa Laos played like a madwoman, zigzagging, tackling, and spitting on people until she got the ball free. The pass to Maurita Deni nearly decapitated the midfielder before she even knew it was coming. Deni then made a nifty move to break free and find Avril Auerswald for the easy scorein the 50th minute. (wow! 3 players have now scored for the Unicorns.)

With the attackers avoiding the areas occupied by Laos and her spitting, the other defenders stepped up their play. Nessa Elendil began an all original Unicorns sequence. She cleared the ball to Nátulcien Eluch`div` in the 58th minute and Eluch`div` immediately moved the ball forward. As the defenders closed in, she found superstar Altáriël Telperiën for an easy goal.

That one gave the Unicorns the lead but they were not done yet. In the 79th minute, Taunya Skursky cleared the ball to Brigette Deteso who was immediately tackled hard. Luckily the ball found Tári Falassion with no defenders in sight. She streaked for the goal. As the keeper closed off her angle, a quick back pass found Zana Jablon for a wide open goal. The final score was 3-1.

As she is the only starter not listed thus far, keeper Daniella Riskin saved 7 of the 8 shots on goal that the home squad managed to get.

Queen Sonya was fully impressed. Finally the Unicorns were looking like a real squad.

Next is the third consecutive road match for the Unicorns. This one at Rejistania. Despite all the good feelings and all optimism, even the Queen knew a win there would take divine intervention.

Alexandria Times-Tribune-Post-Gazette-Chronicle-Journal-Enquirer

Sports Section

Milchama beat up on listless opponent. Expect to lose next time

With a win neccesary to give Milchama any chance of doing anything in this world cup it was exactly what they got as the offense clicked and the defense clamped down as what looked like a very mad team won the game brilliantly 2-0 over Iaukea. Coach Jamie Smith said, "We played well today but we need to play better in the future if we want to advance. Early in the game we played quite poorly and it really took a halftime speech and substitution for us to get going. Whenever you put a sub on the field it should help the team but he should not become the most important player to us. This shows that we really need some more offensive creativity right now. We are playing terribly and unless we can play better than I think we might need to put the U21 team in just to make sure we can qualify. Oh and yes Matt Bantin is starting tommorow in place of Spot Nielson."
And now, for something completely different:

A man on a horse.

And now back to the soccer:

The first half was quite boring as the Milchama defense got its legs under it after a bad all around 2-0 loss to the Archregimancy. However the counter attack was terrible and the offense looked stagnant. This led to a boring where Iaukea simply didn't have the power to attack well and the Warriors were too incompetent to do anything about it. The one good chance in the half was for Iaukea as X missed a shot from 18 yards that hit off the post. The halftime score was 0-0.

After halftime Coach Smith made a sub and Matt Bantin came in for Floren Albentine. Immediately Bantin paid dividence as Elana Kilinin found him about 25 yards out from net. Bantin immediately beat a defender went in the box and shot. His shot beat a diving Iaukea keeper and gave the Warriors a 1-0 lead in the match. Bantin was soon there again as he just missed getting a cross by Faren. Then Bantin again just missed scoring another goal as his shot just went over the crossbar. Then the Warriors would get a second after a pass from Spot Nielson found, who else, but Matt Bantin who would score his second after he rounded the goalie and scored his second to make it 2-0 Milchama. It didn't look like the Warriors were done either, as Spot Nielson just missed getting a third on a free kick and a Bantin header went high and a long Copperlee was saved brilliantly by the Iaukea. However the Warriors could not grab a third goal and had to settle for a 2-0 win.

Final Score:
Milchama 2 (Bantin 47, 67)
Iaukea 0 (The defense is decent)

Milchama Man of the Match:
Matt Bantin- Who else? As a second half sub he had 7 shots on net and 4 shots on target including two goals. Once he came in it seemed like he was everywhere and he really sparked what has been a very lack luster offense. Next game we expect him to continue what he has shown this game and maybe knock Albentine off his starting job.

Raging Penguins Report:
We are sorry we have forgotten the past two days but right now The Team is in last place with only one draw against the lowly United Island Empires. Things are not looking up for them but you never know with one good result things could very well change. We hope so, even if all of Raging Penguins does not.

SATIVAVILLE STONER
We tell you Where the Doritos Are!!


I'm Monty Python and to start: Marceau State is our Bitch to not mince words, but to mince words, We own Marceau State and they know it. Sativaville won its first game in Group 1 and as of yet not tasted defeat. It won't last but its fun. 3-1 was the score as Humberto Pellecchia socred twice, once in the 13th minute and again in the 40th. Vicente Penas added the last goal in the 65th to put the Fritos up 3-0. a late goal by Marceau State's Martin Fréchette in the 79th minute kept the home squad from rioting in anger. Now an addition to the broad cast, the group standings so far:

Group 1 GP W T L PTS GD GF GA
Dance 2 Revolution 3 2 1 0 7 5 6 1
Squornshelous 3 2 1 0 7 3 5 2
Anathematic Republics 3 2 0 1 6 5 9 4
Sativaville 3 1 2 0 5 2 5 3
Marceau State 3 1 0 2 3 -2 9 11
Rorysville 3 0 2 1 2 -3 5 8
Sarvoski 3 0 1 2 1 -5 0 5
Horzel 3 0 1 2 1 -5 0 5

We're currently in 4th place only 2 points behind the leaders. Up next is our home opener and 1st of 7 straight home games against Horzel, one of the worst teams in our group. After that it gets tougher as the top three teams come here in the three games after that.

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Sea Dragons Defense Dominates

This is Kellan Kildan reporting live from Stadii Se Draggonnii Arcea

The Sea Dragons returned home today still flying high on their win over New Montreal States to face unknown Ashterrus. The fear of head coach Pao St Martinique was that a letdown was in order after such a big victory. But that was not to be.

ASMV has always strived to become a solid defensive power that allows very few opportunities for the opposition. Hall of Famer Unami Banta-N’bai was the centerpiece of that defense for four World Cups. Along with brother Unori and the physical presence of Micah Swift, Unami led built what the Sea Dragons wanted - a defense capable of stopping most squads most of the time.

But Unami has retired and the big question was who would fill those shoes? The answer has come very quickly for the Sea Dragons- Genesis Galluccio. The young center back has performed far above expectations and has, if you can believe it, improved the defense. Along with defenders Micah Swift and Fidal Vianal and wing defenders Allyson Shade and Anika Milosavic, the Sea Dragons have yet to give up a single goal. And that includes the match against NMS. Only one other squad remains unscored on thus far - The Archregimancy. Wow.

Ashterrus fared no better today. The Sea Dragon defense only allowed 4 shots on goal and Shaun Conarky easily handled those. But if the defense has been so stellar, it is the offense that is struggling. Once again Porche Alexander and Pablo Iglesias failed to find a rhythm on the pitch and were pulled after a scoreless first half. Despite that fact, there are currently no plans to bench either. The general consensus is that the two will return to form soon.

Reserve forwards Leena Draghi and Ali Devincenti were brilliant yet again. Each scored in the second half. Draghi (65) on a pass from Evan Evans and Devincenti (82) on a rebound from a Jenni Ulrich shot that bounced off the crossbar.

2-0 was more than the defense needed to hold for the win. Next up the Sea Dragons remain at home to face a very dangerous Yafor 2 squad that is capable of beating anyone on any given day.

Group 11: NMS recovered from their loss to us and thrashed Yafor 2 3-0. Ulyanovia continued to impress with a 1-0 win over Lisburn Mateys and Geisenfried hammered The Footie Dream team 2-0.

Friends Watch
Cuation fell 1-2 to Audioslvia
Tadjikistan surprisingly lost 1-2 to The Kazoo Peoples
Dorian and Sonya killed Aigosthena 3-1
Milchama downed Iaukea 2-0
Ariddia was very impressive in a 4-0 destruction of Sliponia

And we turn back around to see what's behind us:


http://www.geocities.com/becquerelia/images/becquerelia.gif Becquerelia - 1__________2 - Intyny http://www.geocities.com/becquerelia/images/intyny.gif


INTYNY DEFEATS BECQUERELIA
Goaltender Mistakes Lead To Surprise Loss


INTYNY (JNS) - With only three minutes of penalty time remaining, it looked like Becquerelia had put the game in the bag. With the score 1-0 after a Paul Annunziata goal in the 22nd minute, the Black Cats had controlled the flow of play all day, and it didn't appear as if football minnows Intyny would have another opportunity.

In fact, it almost became a 2-0 contest when Tychon Wuestenberg made a shot on goal that almost made it in before the Intyny goaltender could get his gloves on it. The goaltender did wrangle the ball in, and then kicked a long shot downfield that should have ended up being easily caught by Becquerelian Goalkeeper Tyrannio Licausi.

However, Licausi appeared to completely misjudge where the ball was going to land, and the ball went over his head and to his left, right to a quick-moving Intyny forward, who got enough of a boot on the ball to knock it into the goal to tie the game up 1-1.

For a minute it appeared that Becquerelia would be able to minimize the damage done and escape with a tie and a point, but another Licausi mistake would give the game away.

With about half a minute remaining before the referee's final whistle, the ball had been moved to the Becquerelian side of the pitch. The Becquerelian defense was successfully keeping the ball far away from the goal and Tyrannio Licausi, but a Intyny midfielder got to the ball and kicked it high and toward the goal.

Surrounded by a crowd of Intyny and Becquerelian players, Licausi managed to get the ball cleanly, outjumping several Intyny players. But in a strange decision, he tried to kick the ball away, but only managed to kick it straight into a Intyny player, which caused the ball to bounce back over Licausi's head, and it was headed into the goal by another Intyny forward.

With just mere seconds left, Becquerelia was unable to attempt to get another shot on goal, and the game ended, handing Becquerelia it's second loss in World Cup qualifying, and giving Intyny it's first win. Intyny now cleanly sits in second place with Group Four, with 5 points.

Licausi has been criticized for inconsistant and questionable play, but it was hoped he could focus during qualifying. This latest incident could lead to a push from the fans to put David Deneen back in goal. Licausi, however, would have none of that.

"Every player on this team is the best player in Becquerelia for their certain
position," he said in a emotionaly charged post-game press conference. "If I'm starting, then guess what? I'm the best goalkeeper Becquerelia has. David Deneen isn't, I am. People just have to deal with that."


Becquerelia's Current Results and Upcoming Schedule
Home Team Last
WIN DRAW LOSS
MD01: Spaamanian Plijous - 1 Becquerelia - 0
MD02: Becquerelia - 2 System Karela - 1
MD03: Becquerelia - 1 Intyny - 2
MD04: Becquerelia (1-0-2) at Audioslavia (3-0-0)
MD05: Haraki (1-1-1) at Becquerelia (1-0-2)
MD06: Cuation (1-1-1) at Becquerelia (1-0-2)
MD07: Becquerelia (1-0-2) at Elves Security Forces (1-0-1)
MD08: Becquerelia (1-0-2) at Spaamanian Plijous (1-1-1)
MD09: System Karela (0-1-2) at Becquerelia (1-0-2)
MD10: Intyny (1-2-0) at Becquerelia (1-0-2)
MD11: Audioslavia (3-0-0) at Becquerelia (1-0-2)
MD12: Becquerelia (1-0-2) at Haraki (1-1-1)
MD13: Becquerelia (1-0-2) at Cuation (1-1-1)
MD14: Elves Security Forces (1-0-2) at Becquerelia (1-0-2)

You're Watching World Cup Tonight,
Only on http://ns.goobergunch.net/wiki/images/SBC_logo.GIFSport
Damn! GarfieldTheFat managed to pull an upset. This really sucks arse.In case your wondering what the scores are, they are 4-3 the jighest scoring match in the team's history. If only we had won it. Well, I just have absolutely no Idea what to say about this. I mean, what does this mean for the Swilatian team?

Not much, as Swilatia's chances for qualification are still better then tey ever were before. and besides, the thing with football is that ANYTHING CAN HAPPEN. Including at team losing to a rookie nation. So we are not doomed because of a single loss. Yes, its clear to us now. Swilatia will qualify for the world cup 29. After all, not to many national teams have bean five time losers, and we do not want to join that list. We just simply do not. so we will qualify, whatever it may take to do so. whatever it takes!

So, kay how about we get to the actuual match coverage. After all, all the angry Swilatians watching us on TV now, well really a few minutes later, want to know why and how the hell we lost to rookies anyway.

We lost beacause anything can happen in football, and because the stadium was poorly constructed by Swilatian standarts, as all the overhangs made it dark and hard to play in. not to mention that the overhangs were low, so the ball kept hitting them.

Now can you tell them HOW?

Okay. the match began with an uneventful field, mostly garfield the fat trying to defend themselves for the Swilatian team's constant attacks. then at 35 minutes, the first goal was scored. and unfortunately that goal was not a Swilatian goal but a goal for Garfield the fat.

Now we all know that the team who did not score the goal gets the ball after. but soon a midfielder from GarfieldTheFat stole te ball just afer the first kick. the all goes closer to our goal. Soon, they attempt a goal.

Fortunately for us they miss it. however after our goalkeeper attemps to get it back in, it hits an overhang, and reflects, and falls down. a Striker from the Garfieldthefat team knocks it in.

Into the second half Swilatia's team realised that they should not lose to a rookie team. So there was even more attacks, and Mitzi knocked in 3 goals in jst ten minutes. Swilatia was winning.

Garfield the fat still wanted to win though, so they tried to knock in another goal. and they succed at 78 minutes.

Because it got late now,we al thought it would end this way. but it did not. Viktor Imma got lost in the dark field, and knocked in an own goal. At least in Swilatia we have higher standards for this.

Okay. enough about how the stadium is built. Lets take a look at the table.
Group 5 GP W D L PTS GD GF GA
Spruitland 3 2 1 0 7 5 7 2
One Red Dot 3 2 1 0 7 3 4 1
The Macabees 3 2 0 1 6 2 4 2
Swilatia 3 1 1 1 4 2 8 6
Total n Utter Insanity 3 1 1 1 4 0 4 4
GarfieldtheFat 3 1 0 2 3 -2 4 6
Carlitistia 3 1 0 2 3 -3 1 4
Dingzanwa 3 0 0 3 0 -7 1 8
4th. like we started. lame. If only we had won.

Anyway, tommorow's match will be against Total n Utter Insanity. do you think we can pull an upset here, and win.

Yes! If GarfieldTheFat can, so can we.

“Well, Jay, I think even you can say that the Ians simply played a lousy game of football tonight.”

“Stop trying to deflect this conversation, Sam. We all know that Tadjikistan lost to The Kazoo Peoples; the longer that you try to make this about the Ians, the longer I’ll point that out. The Kazoo Peoples. Not even The Pan-flute Peoples or the Accordion Peoples. The Kazoo...”

“All right all right! Shut it already!”

“Folks, in case you’re just joining us, I’m Jay McYule alongside my perfidious colleague ‘Toothless’ Sam St. Pierre, wrapping up Group Six action.”

“What does ‘perfidious’ mean, Jay?”

“It means...erm...handsome.”

“Good. I didn’t want to have to hit you again. My fist is getting sore.”

“At any rate, the Ians and the Tigers both came out losers in today’s matches. Iansisle fell nil-two to second seed Nedalia while Tadjikistan lost by a goal in The Kazoo Peoples. You know what they say -- when your team can’t win, there’s nothing better than a loss by the team your mate cheers on.”

“That’s right, Jay.”

“The losses knock the Tigers out of first and Iansisle into the second division in group six. The Kazoo Peoples currently lead it all, with Tadjikistan and Nedalia hot on their heels.”

“The best part of these tables is that, if you discount goals scored by OBVIOUS CHEATERS, Iansisle’s not scored a single one. My Tigers have put the ball in the net six times in three games.”

“True enough, Sam. However, I think we’re losing sight of the true problem with this qualifying.”

“What’s that, Sam?”

“The fact that Audioslavia won again and is now three-for-three and comfortably in control of Group Four. This is a problem for all Iansisleans, whether or not they cheer on the home side.”

“Quite true, Jay. However, I’m willing to bet that the ‘slaves would be no match for Tadjikistan.”

“...of course they wouldn’t, Sam. Folks, we have to cut to commercial. Back after this, I’m Jay McYule alongside ‘Toothless’ Sam St. Pierre.”

"It seams that during Benlandngdos 2-1 loss, Number 7, the goalscorer has broken his fith metatarsal and will be replaced by Number 8 throughout the rest of the WCQ. Will this hurt Benlandngdo?"
"Yes, I think it will, he is their main midfield holding player and helps move the ball up to goal scoring machine Number 14."
"So, will Number 9 be moved back to sweeper?"
"Yes, it will give the defence a boost to have his presence back there."
"Prediction for the next game?"
"Most likely a loss or draw, 0-0, 0-1."
"Thats all for today, join us tomorrow on channel 1."

Queldas Hikari - Rul Isio Nesuntel A Seserim

MATCH DEVOID OF GOALS, EXCITEMENT
0-0 Draw Somewhat Dissatisfied
by Markinen Marketel

ISLANDS OF QUTAR(NP) - Nikea went into matchday 3 out of last place,
which was a surprise to many people in and out of Nikea. The only
unranked team in a difficult group, it seemed impossible for Nikea to
get any points really, and the drab 1-1 draw with Nebuleux seemed to
push the Pandas further into the spotlight than their 3-2 loss in
Bedistan.

However, if fans thought that the Pandas were through boring people
after the last performance, they were obviously mistaken as the Pandas
performance in matchday 3 left little to the imagination.

Granted, playing away as an unranked team against the 25th seeded side,
the Pandas couldn't be blamed for being cautious. A point away would be
a fantastic result considering the opponent and the inexperience of the
Nikean team. However, the saying "the end justifies the means" only
applies to the team. The fans today were put to sleep with an absolute
snorefest that even put yours truly to sleep for a large portion of the
match. I'd watch a replay of the match to see what I have missed, but from
what I gather I missed a lot of missed passes and crosses, and many
clearances from the Nikean defence, who were putting 11 behind the ball
and making no effort to score. Indeed, the final result was 1 shot on
goal, from a Keletel clearance that went straight to the other keeper.
End result: a 0-0 draw, a valuable point, and 50,000+ bored fans.

Hikaren Spriteithel was delighted with the result though. "A point in
this match is a wonderful result. We defended well and realistically
knew that if we pushed hard we would likely concede." When faced with
the fact that he pushed in Bedistan and would have won a much more
exciting point had it not been for a wardrobe malfunction, he decided
that he had had enough questions.

Matchday 4 sees Nikea return home to host Kedalfax in Interiu. The
match, as all Nikea matches, will be broadcast on NTV1.


The Islands of Qutar 0
v.
Nikea 0


MD1 - @Bedistan (L 2-3)
MD2 - Nebuleux - Queldas, Solarin Stadium (D 1-1)
MD3 - @The Islands of Qutar (D 0-0)
MD4 - Kedalfax - Interiu, Interirien Field
MD5 - @Pastorville
MD6 - Sovietry - Miserias, Calamo Bridge
MD7 - @Magnus Valerius
MD8 - Bedistan - Queldas, Solarin Stadium
MD9 - @Nebuleux
MD10 - The Islands of Qutar - Interiu, Interirien Field
MD11 - @Kedalfax
MD12 - Pastorville - Miserias, Calamo Bridge
MD13 - @Sovietry
MD14 - Magnus Valerius - Queldas, Solarin Stadium

Ariddia out of the top two

After three games, the Rouge-et-Noirs are behind both Jeruselem and Khenas, but, as Evgheny Melenciuc rightly points out, there are many games still to go.

Earlier this evening Ariddia hosted Sliponia at Wavecrest City Stadium, and appeared in top form, easily defeating the unranked side. On paper, it was to be Ariddia’s easiest match, but Melenciuc was taking nothing for granted, fielding most of the team’s best players. As they appeared on the pitch, Ariddia’s eleven were wearing a black armband; it had been announced shortly beforehand that it was to mourn the referee murdered by the team from Raging Penguins, and to express sympathy towards Crystal Berry, the player from Praying2God who was shot and is still in hospital. The Ariddian Football Association heavily criticised the Anastasianian authorities for allowing the team from Raging Penguins to leave their territory and return home. “We understand they are now in the United Island Empires, and we urge that nation’s authorities to place them under immediate arrest,” AFA President Anna Teals said.

On to the match itself, though. The early stages of the game were dominated by Ariddian attackers, and the first goal came in the nineteenth minute, as the Rouge-et-Noirs finally overwhelmed the Sliponian defence, and Ta I scored on a pass from Faraj. In the twenty-seventh minute, Faraj himself made it 2-0, the score at half-time.

The second half began with a Sliponian opportunity, as a long pass found a Sliponian attacker close to Leduc’s goal cage. The Ariddian keeper saved the ensuing quick shot, just as the sideline referee called a doubtful offside. In the fifty-fifth minute, Ta I scored again, and there seemed to be little doubt that Ariddia would win.

The fifty-ninth brought a penalty kick in Ariddia’s favour, but the Sliponian goalkeeper denied Faraj an opportunity to increase his side’s lead. A free kick in the sixty-fifth led to a superb goal by Wol Eosh, and the Ariddian fans cheered. . . until referee Yann Girouart of New Montreal States quite correctly indicated an offside.

There was not to be another goal until the ninety-third minute. . . but the Ariddian team finished the match in style. Boxed in by Sliponians, Eosh passed neatly but somewhat too powerfully in Hanifah Kyaw’s direction, and Kyaw had to race a Sliponian defender right down the side of the penalty box. Just as it appeared the ball would go out, Kyaw hurled herself down feet forward, knocking it aside. . . and straight into the net at an impossibly narrow angle. The Sliponian defender toppled over her, unable to slow down in time, and Kyaw got to her feet with a slight limp before helping up her opponent. Moments later, the game was over, and Kyaw’s team-mates carried her on their shoulders in front of the excited home crowd. Kyaw and Melenciuc had announced together before the game that this would be the young midfielder’s last match in World Cup 29, due to her being several weeks pregnant. She will now be watching the rest of the competition from the bench, but her exit is one she will remember for a long time. . .

From the KaMaRi Update

Disappointing start for the Orange-Blues

The Orange-Blues did not lose, they also did not draw, however they did not win clearly, what they did was a disappointing squeaking through, which could have ended in a draw as well - against an unranked opponent. Coach Seletarakeledira Hanselijimijile decided to give the new players a chance as starters. Both Mesit Inkil and Jesi~n Kansu played as wingbacks. In midfield, the TAHAI! players Xtesa Kiru and Mata Jisu played as did Hsene Ea~ejin of Niadi Xalki. A positive surprise was Syku Lyku, who played as striker for the first time.

The first goal was a weird incident since it happened for a freekick - of the opponent. The free kick was awarded to the Snub Nose 38point1 team after Xtesa Kiru was a bit too offensive in the duel against Snub noseian player Harry Blee. A free kick was awarded to the Snub Noseians. Harry Blee shot the ball so badly, that it hit Mesit Inkil, who stopped the ball, and passed it to Syku Lyku. The Orange-Blues started a counter-attack and surprised goalie Björn Lind, who could only get the ball out of the net.

The Orange-Blues had some good chances, but were unable to capitalize them. Syku Lyku apparently was too excited several times and his shots went wide.
Then, out of the blue, the snub noseians equalized. Right wingback Jesi~n Kansu looked very bad at this situation. Also it apparently was not the day of goalie Ila I Les, since the shot was surely not unreachable for him.

During halftime, there was a brawl, since the cheerleaders of Snub Nose 38point1 attempted to dance, however, they were covered in anything the fans could throw at them. The way they danced was so horrible that the fans saw this as correct measure.

In the 87th minute, the Orange-Blues attacked rather desperately. Viktor Ious cleared to a corner kick for the Rejistanians. Hsene Ea~ejin shot the ball, Ious'he headed it back, however Karela Ikaru was waiting there and attempted a shot from the distance - which went in. The Orange-Blues won against the team from Snub Nose 38point1 2:1.

We're paying attention. Honest!

3 Games in and D2R are top!

Dance 2 Revolution have found themselves in first place in the group after 3 games.

Dance 2 Revolution 2 - 0 Horzel

Dance 2 Revolution started their qualifying campaign against newcomers Horzel

Über Jnr., son of assistant manager Über, got a first half double as a mainly second string team decimated a mediocre Horzel team. Fauchgar Mitnav, who will become 40 during qualifying, became D2R's oldest ever player to be capped at 39 years and 286 days.

Final Score:
Dance 2 Revolution 2 (Über Jnr. 12', 42')
Horzel 0

Squornshelous 1 - 1 Dance 2 Revolution

The heated rivalry between these two countries continues after this indecisive result. The game ended up being a game of two penalties. Xinza Uto was sent off after a cynically high challenge in the box on Petrov. Petrov was stretchered off and Uto earned a straight red. Xenakis stepped up to smash the ball past Zarishca to make it 1-0.

The match stayed 1-0 into the break, with many players being booked, and the referee's attempts to stamp his authority on the heated game failing.

Eventually the 2nd half got under way. After a few robust challenges, eventually in the 70th minute, Skra had his feet wiped from beneath him in the box. PENALTY! The D2R fans scream for a sending off but the referee doesn't even flash a yellow. The fans and players are furious as F. Maeda calmly places the ball on the spot. The whistle blows and Maeda strikes the penalty. The ball hits the bar, the line and then bounces striking the top of the net. 1-1.

Final Score:
Squornshelous 1(Xenakis 27' (pen))
Dance 2 Revolution 1(Maeda 71' (pen) Uto OFF 26')

Dance 2 Revolution 3 - 0 Savorski

Dance 2 Revolution finished the beginning three games with a home fixture against Savorksi. With the Revolutionaries predicted for a comfortable win, they didn't disappoint. Again playing a 2nd string side, with teenagers Van Hujkdul and Di Sakura starting up front, the Revolutionaries brought the game to Savorski with a highly attacking 3-1-4-2 (4AM 1DM). And despite Savorksi's stubborness to go in at the break level. D2R didn't allow that to stand, a quick treble salvo early in the 2nd half buried Savorski.

Final Score:
Dance 2 Revolution 3(Di Sakura 52' Van Hujkdul 55' F. Maeda 58')
Savorski 0

VirginiaNova 3
AwalKB 2


AwalK City-The eagles almost had second disastorous game this week as they faced AwalKB in a 3-2 thriller in an away game in AwalK City's AwalKB Stadium. This week B.J Hampden made the start in goal for Alex Potter who is out of this game with a concussion suffered in the loss to SG. The Game was started at 2:45pm in beautiful weather in picturesques tourist town Nova Gatlenburg. The First half action started when the Eagles captain Jimmy Hellios tried to score but the ball went high and landed on top of the goal. 19 minutes in the first half the Awallains got a goal from Andrew Wilson and it put them up one-nil.The Eagles had one more chance to tie it up before the half,But Jimmy Hellios Kick went to the left to much. and so at 45:00 the score was AwalKB 1 Virginia Nova 0. The start of the second-half wasn't good either as 10 minutes in as Awalian John Calzone got a second one passed hampden. This lead coach Renaldi to do something totally defferent. Instead the traditional 5O5D; Reneldi went to a +2 6-2-2 Moving Ross Perio to Forward and defender Jason Yarr to middie. This payed divedends as Harold Freemont put one in the back of the net after an assit from Perio. then 13 minutes later Perio headed one just past goalie Taylor Johnson to tie the game up at 2 all. Then at the last second(literally it was 89:59 on the clock) Awalian defender Kedzie Tomario got a penelty which resulte in a free kick for Harold Freemont. and in this situation Freemont came through and scored giving the eagles a come from behind win. Next game will be our first Home game at the nation of Spindomia. We look forward to this game as this will give us momentum for the games at Bettia,Legalese and Starblaydia.


OOC: For Future reference to anyone who is going rp aginst needs to know the following No VN Midfield is allowed past the Midfield line.It's part of the defencive style of (Football)Soccer we play

OOC: For Future reference to anyone who is going rp aginst needs to know the following No VN Midfield is allowed past the Midfield line.It's part of the defencive style of (Football)Soccer we play

OOC: My apologizes, and to make it easier for someone who doesn't wanna go searching through all these RP topics post that in your roster, and if it's already there and I'm just blind...nvm I'm dumb :-(

OOC: My apologizes, and to make it easier for someone who doesn't wanna go searching through all these RP topics post that in your roster, and if it's already there and I'm just blind...nvm I'm dumb :-(


BTW I think the game is supposed to be played in Virginia Nova? I could be wrong.

MD3 - 6v5. Team 6 hosts 5. Don't forget, this isn't AMERICAN football.

IC:
Reagan relieved of duties: FALE
A shock announcement has come out of the FALE that Bedistani-born manager Nick Reagan has been sacked, despite him agreeing to an ultimatum that was to have lasted two games, of which he won the first. No-one was available for comment at press time.

OOC: Sarz, I explained it a bit differently :>

IC:

From the Soccer magazine SixThreeOne

Karelan win at the EIKL
We do not wonder why the Estadije Ines Karela Lines was selected as venue for the match against Sarzonia. The karelaness of this location made both teams earn one point in a scoreless draw. The va'karela'ny at least officially were not running in this match, however the strikers had problems in front of the goals. Neither I Hetaki'he nor the sarzonian strikers Jacobson'he and Cornwell'he were too sure in these situations. Despite a high amount of chances, only a few of them were good ones. For some reason, I Hetaki'he in several situations preferred to pass to Jisu'he instead of trying himself. Cornwell'he and Jacobson'he however seemed to shoot in a way goalie Kis'he had no problems saving.

The first half was dominated by the Orange-Blues. The number of good situations was quite high and the Orange-Blues nearly took the lead in several situations, however the sarzonian defense or Talbot'he cleared in the last minute. Things changed in the additional time of the first half after na~ovian midfielder Inkil Kalatilu fell very unluckily and Seletarakeledira Hanselijimijile reacted by substituting in Hsene Ea~ejin. After this substitution, the Orange-Blue team was not playing to their full potential. The Stars had more chances, but again only one of them was really good: Jacobson'he was in good position, but as he shot, Syku Imik somehow managed to reach the ball and change the direction a bit so it missed. "Maniac" tried some late substitutions,

“Welcome everyone to Tynelian Soccer Weekly where Tynelia has finally broken through with their first win of this 29th World Cup. They defeated Bothen 2-0 to move into a tie for fourth place with four points going into a huge match with the top seeded Praying2god who finally broke into the points column with a 2-2 draw with Rordia. Ths begins a stretch against the top three teams in the group with group leader McPsychoville who continued their undefeated run with a 1-0 win over Quackmybush. The Atheistic Right stumbled slightly with a 1-1 draw with Krajkovia. As usual I’m Sal Spikeman along side Anna Dalespin. Seems Coach Tudor’s changes made a difference out there today Anna.”

“Yes Sal it certainly shook things up and paid off with Troy Wallace’s goal at the 33 minute mark to give Tynelia the lead they never relinquished. Though Amy Whiteworth will return to net Coach Tudor has already said he’ll be using this new setup for the next three matches. Clearly he feels Tynelia will need the extra attacking mentality as they go up against the teams ranked ahead of them.”

“That could be the case Anna, and hopefully it will work out. Tynelia more or less needs a point out of this match to keep pace as the Atheistic Right will certainly be favored over Bothen while Rordia goes up against McPsychoville. If things work out right Tynelia could find themselves as high as second but that may be expecting too much.

“As for today’s match, Tynelia came out much more aggressively and looked more like the team we saw during the DI than the one who showed up the last two matches. Tynelia had the shot edge 16-9 with a 5-1 quality advantage. Time of possession also favored us by five minutes as the team slowed the pace down in the second half after Jay Masterson made the score 2-0 in the 59th minute. With a 1-1-1 record after the first three matches things aren’t quite as bad now as they were after the second match but a whole group of teams are lurking with three points so a loss will be a big blow to our spot in the standings at this point. But before we get into that Anna, lets see how the top seeds did in matchday three with Mike McPhee and the ‘Top Guns’ report. Hello Mike.”

“Hey there Sal, today the Top Guns did a bit better this time around. Tadjikistan was the only top seed to lose, a close 2-1 match with the Kazoo peoples. There were a few draws though as Jerusalem was held to a 1-1 score by Wentland, the monks of the Archregimancy played to a scoreless draw with Chicanada while Praying2god finally got their first points with their 2-2 draw. The defending champs Starblaydia and Hockey Canada shared the drubbing of the day with matching 4-0 shutouts. This is the second time in three matches HC is mentioned here, clearly they’re in fine form early on. That’s it from the Top Guns for toay. Back to you Sal.”

“Thanks Mike, so Anna, now its your turn. How do you think we’ll do against the top seeds in our next match?”

“I think we’re catching them at a very bad time Sal. Their 2-2 draw with Rordia clearly shows they’re shaking off the horror and trauma from the terrorist attack and the career ending injury to Crystal Berry because of it. Now they will certainly be out to try and reassert themselves on the field. Unfortunately I think Tynelia will be the ones to pay, I expect this one to come out solidly in favor of Praying2god by a 3-1 score. As for the other matches I think Mypsychoville is clearly the team to beat of the group so far while Rordia has been inconsistent and so I think the group leaders will continue to lead after a 2-1 win here. The second place Atheistic Right will be in a position to add to their second place margin if both Tynelia and Rordia both lose and I don’t see Bothen pulling off the upset as the Right wins 1-0. Finally Krajkovia has been playing decently these past two matches while Quackmybush hasn’t scored since their opening match upset. Expect Krajkovia to get their first win with a low scoring 1-0 match here though a 0-0 draw isn’t out of the question but I think the BoF semifinalists will come out on top.”

“Ok then Anna, if what you say holds up Tynelia will be dropping down the ranking after the next set of matches. In any case tune in TSW for live coverage as Tynelia concludes their three match road trip with a key match against the top seed Praying2god as they try to keep pace in the chase for the World Cup. As always, after the matchup stay tuned in for the Tynelain Soccer Weekly post game show with myself and Anna, but until then this is Sal Spikeman for Anna Dalespin wishing everyone a good night.

King John IV sat alone in his chambers alternating between fury and disappointment. For the thrid straight match his brave nobles fell to their foes this time not even managing a single goal in their 1-0 loss to East Lithuania. Perhaps he was too kind in fêting these opponents the night before the match, certainly they were taking advantage of his hospitality. But of course now that it had started he could not end it because of the stain it would place on his honor.

Now the team would leave the country and face some place called Iaukea, a team his advisors assured him would fall to his brave champions and that it was only years of extra practice that resulted in these other teams beating tessan’s own. If all things were even the king’s champions would have certainly triumphed they assured him.

The King rose from his brooding and exited the chamber as servants scattered fearfully before him. At least we will not fail in front of my people this time. He thought sourly as he walked along the empty halls.

Hilforshire Small City Newspaper With a Really Long After Name That We Will Eventually Get To, So Don't Worry As It Is Coming...Now! Times-Plain-Dealer-Gazette-Thingy-Post-Tribune-Sun-Daily-Mail-Picayune- Herald-Pink-Floyd-Haaretz-International-Domestic-Newspaper-Doom!-!-National- Enquirer-Spelled-Wrong-Right?

Sports Section

We are off on our search to find the New Hypocria

This has long been an obssesion of Milchama to find the next Hypocria, a team that despite having a good ranking has terrible luck and never seems to take that next step to qualify for the finals. We actually once coined ourselves the New Hypocria but when we beat them to qualify for the World Cup finals in World Cup 27 that all changed.

Hypocria actually qualified for World Cup 28 but lost all their matches and didn't make it past the first round. And now they are off the scene so with that we bring you The search for the New Hypocria (an ongoing series)

The first thing we need our contestants and possibilities. These teams have to have competed in at least 3 straight World Cups and have not qualified once. Some possibilities right now are:

The Lowland Clans- Since their return to international football they went from being a top 10 team to a team that cannot get out of the 40s. Not to mention the fact that they have not qualified once for a finals since Milchama got on the scene in World Cup 23.

Pastorville- The karelan pastors have never been able to win anything. Outside of one good Cup of Harmony where they got to the quarter finals they have never been able to be high in their group or do well in any qualification campaign.

We are sure there are more than two but we can't find them so if anybody knows can they please send some mail to us with a team and their story of futility.
Hilforshire Small City Newspaper With a Really Long After Name
PO box 1906
Hilfordshire, Milchama
30958 (TG Milchama)

Thank you in advance.

The KOOL Report at World Cup 29

Hello folks, this is Rachel Kool's report in the World Cup 29. It's good to have the insiding running of the Jeruselem team as I'm married to the coach ... he puts up with me.

Firstly, Ariddia played Sliponia. Ariddia had lost 0-3 last game and need to rebound and yes, they did it. Sliponia got totally hammered into the ground by the Arridians 4-0 to show they are a contender and can take advantage off a lowly opponent. A scary game for teams who can't defend in Group 14 so Jeruselem and Wentland be assured Arridia will be in the top 3 if Arridia have their way. Sliponia need to defend - not sleep.

Wentland had fun assignment today. They played Jeruselem! Unlike Arridia, they had a great game. Holding the 10th seed to a draw ONE ALL. Not the prettiests of games as both teams stacked defenses knowing each other can score goals it will with any counter attack. Defenses held firm as the midfield battle for possession stifled any attacks against the goals. Chances were few and between as the only goals scored were penalties awarded to each. A few yellows were flashed in an even game where no one could assert themselves. Even with fresh reserves coming on late, the deadlock stayed.

Artoonia got another point. Elrich played a steady game but ONE ALL draw as the final result. Both teams weren't exactly making incisive attacks and not exactly super-accurate either.

Khenas jumped into the top 2 as it beat a disappointing Mahaliastan 2-1. They are a dark horse here as they don't have the headlines like Jeruselem but are silently planning their assault.

OH yes, it's our wedding anniversary today. A Jeruselem win would have been nice today but the girls in the team hassled Harry a bit today. He can't handle too much attention from women. Anyway, Harry and I are having the day off tomorrow - shopping time! We have support the locals.

Group 14
Ariddia 4:0 Sliponia
Wentland 1:1 Jeruselem
Artoonia 1:1 Elrich
Mahaliastan 1:2 Khenas

The LIONS played our other friend Iansisle today. Predictable win to the Lions but Iansisle are not expected to beat the likes of Nedalia or the Tigers. Still, they have 3 points and Nedalia have only one loss so far, which was to the Tigers. The Lions look like making the 2nd round, they don't seem to be tripping over lower opponents so far.

Group 6
Nedalia 2:0 Iansisle

Jeruselem beat Giant Zucchini regularly and Hockey Canada like that too. Hockey Canada smashed the giant veges 4 - 0 to stay unbeaten so far. On this form, Hockey Canada look good for the 2nd round.

Group 9
Giant Zucchini 0:4 Hockey Canada

Double loss troubles Tigers

Dark clouds gathered over Tadjikistan today, thick clouds, coming from The Kazoo Peoples and raining down on the Tadjiks. There was thunder and lightning struck thereafter. the reason, or cause depending on the side you have chosen to support was not only Tadjikistans 1-2 loss away against The Kazoo Peoples but also the car accident in which Tadjik coach Alexander Zaev got involved. Tadjikistans dark period seems far from over.

Everything was fine when the Tigers arrived in The Kazoo Peoples, unbeaten and leading in group 6 they had nothing to worry about. The world was at their feet, or so it seemed. An overconfident feeling that could be their downfall, they were warned by Rezvon Sadirov, one of Tadjikistans most succesful (co-)coaches ever(reached the Quarterfinals of WC24) that they should never underestimate their opposition, but the Tigers did not heed the warnings.

And so the Tigers started with their usual calm play against The Kazoo Peoples, a bit defensive, awaiting the opponents move allowing them to understand the Kazoo strategy. Within fifteen minutes, there was a one on the scoreboard, behind The Kazoo Peoples' name. A surprise attack over the left flank went to fast for the Tigers, by the time they could bring their defenders back, Suchomlinov had been beaten, chanceless as he was all on himself.
Disorganized and disgruntled the Tigers struggled to stay aklive in a pool of Kazoo sharks, looking for a second goal. The old Suchomlinov had to run from the left to the right, first to block a shot, then to catch the rebound shot.

'I must admit that we really didnt see that first goal coming' Said Andrej Gyurza later 'It was a surprise and it took some time for us to realize that the Kazoo Peoples were leading. But nothing was lost yet, we had enough offensive power running around to equalize, even without Tulberdiev.' But it took the Tigers some time to mount the first good move on the Kazoo box and when they finally got their, Berzarins shot bounced of the left pole.

Coach Zaev was quite angry at his team but atleast he was wise enough to understand that even he had made a mistake by not listening to his predecessor when the latter told him to watch out. Zaev remained calm, there was still the second half in which he expected a Tadjik revival and victory.

Fueled up, the Tigers took a quick start in the second half and fought its way back into the game. Surging forward now as a big wave the Tigers created new scoring opportunities and put alot of pressure on The Kazoo Peoples. Suchomlinov was mostly unemployed during the second half and occasionally moved up to assist his defenders. The first half had been demanding on The Kazoo Peoples while the Tigers still had some reserves to continue. In the Seventy-seventh minute, Yarygin took advantage of the exhausted opponents by cutting his way through their defenses and scoring the only Tadjik goal.

A sigh of relief went through the Tadjik supporters as they saw how their team averted the loss. But the dark clouds kept following the Tigers. The Kazoo Peoples mounted a last offensive in an attempt to take the lead or just remove the pressure from their goal. The Tadjik, definitly not intent on making the same mistake twice defending their box with vigour. Defender Korshak, a young but highly motivated, at times fanatical, player stopped the Kazoo attacker that was going straight for Suchomlinov with a slide from behind, stabbing in the strikers knee with his right foot. Korshaks game ended early as he got a red card while Suchomlinov chose for the wrong corner in the ensueing penalty. Game over for the Tigers.

Alexander Zaev was dissapointed, as any coach in his position would be 'We gave away too much in the first half and we lost, we made a mistake and now we must carry the consequences.', the coach tried to stay positive and added that 'Nothing has been lost yet, this is only the beginning of our qualificationrun.' but it did not take away the dissapointment among the Tadjik supporters, whom were angry at the team as well as its coach.

Dissapointment changed to grief a day later when the Tigers had arrived in Tadjikistan. Alexander Zaev left the pressconference at the airport late in the evening but did not arrive home. On his way, the national coach ened up in a ravine and was found hours after the accident by a truckdriver and helicopter was called in to bring the gravely injured man to the hospital. Several fractures and wounds were treated by the best surgeons available but they could only stabilize his situation and refused to make any predictions regarding his health. All they said was 'We must wait and see.'



Group 6 GP W T L PTS GD GF GA
The Kazoo Peoples 3 3 0 0 9 5 8 3
Tadjikistan 3 2 0 1 6 4 6 2
Nedalia 3 2 0 1 6 1 4 3
Kirstiriera 3 1 1 1 4 0 5 5
Dicuban 3 1 0 2 3 -3 2 5
Iansisle 3 1 0 2 3 -4 1 5
Molvania 3 0 2 1 2 -1 3 4
Ozzelia 3 0 1 2 1 -2 5


MD1: Tadjikistan - Iansisle W 3-0
MD2: Tadjikistan - Nedalia W 2-0
MD3: The Kazoo Peoples - Tadjikistan L 1-2
MD4: Tadjikistan - Kirstiriera
MD5: Molvania - Tadjikistan
MD6: Ozzelia - Tadjikistan
MD7: Dicuban - Tadjikistan
MD8: Iansisle - Tadjikistan
MD9: Nedalia - Tadjikistan
MD10: Tadjikistan - The Kazoo Peoples
MD11: Kirstiriera - Tadjikistan
MD12: Tadjikistan - Molvania
MD13: Tadjikistan - Ozzelia
MD14: Tadjikistan - Dicuban

Tadjik Topscorers
Tulberdiev - 1
Zyrianov - 1
Elisarov - 1
Nabiyev - 1
Yarygin - 1

The Justtundra Times


The Team Draws, Shoots, and Gets Arrested


After two disasterous failures, The Team has managed to evade being crushed. In a brutal game, involving intense strategy, impressive footwork, and lots of fist-fighting, The Team drew the UIE team 1-1. We are disapointed in them. Disapointed in the UIE, of course. They ought to have won, especially after Wild Penguin collided with Furious Porridge and both players had to be carried off the field on stretchers.
But alas, The Team's performance was better this time than last. Rumour has it that Mrs. Tweezly and Willie Dee came up with the strategy, after Tweezly decided that The Team's Captain, ABSOLUT LUNATIC, was "rubbish". Their strategy involved a lot more concentration on defense, and left the strikers to fend for themselves.
During the first half, the UIE players scored after a complicated play which involved their entire team and ended with DMYS trying(unsuccessfully) to cover three strikers all at once, Obese Penguin looking confused and angry, and Normal Penguin attempting to calm himself down with a whole pack of cigarettes.

During the second half, ABSOLUT LUNATIC and Irritated Penguin rushed the oncoming UIE players, and succeeded in scattering their formation. Normal Penguin, playing off a pass from Mrs. Tweezly, managed to kick the ball up the field to LUNATIC, who scored through sheer, dumb luck and some help from the laws of physics.
After the game - which had some other highlights, such as a small brawl involving DMYS and two of the UIE Strikers, the exchange of heated words between the UIE captain and Furious Porridge(which resulted in Porridge being knocked out by his own teammate, Wild Penguin, who had gotted bored by the lack of physical confrontation), and an entire section of UIE fans being subject to a lecture from Mrs. Tweezly on the finer points of ettiquette - The Team marched off the field, firing impossibly powerful handguns into the air, and were met just outside the stadium by two SWAT teams, a UIE Black Ops Strike Force, and most of the city's police force.

The Team was cuffed, and thrown into large, black, unmarked armored trucks, and were carted away. Three hours later, however, DMYS and Willie Dee(with his Extremely Dangerous Hair) were seen walking(or sliding, in DMYS's case) into a coffee shop where they reportedly ordered twelve cups of black coffee and a tray of pastries. Later on, UIE news reports stated that The Team had vanished from an extremely secure military cellblock, and left only a pair of slimey handcuffs, some crumpled StoreBucks™ cups(size UberGrandè), and an unpaid bill. The whereabouts of The Team is unknown, although we are betting that they'll turn up at their next game.

Elven Times
Making it Work

Well after a dissapointing result against Haraki, Florintine is once again back to the drawing boards. The injury to Collins really throws Forty into a problem because Collins had started every game Fortendale has been head coach. After talking with his staff he has decided to call up Nikali Rikard to replace Collins. Rikard plays for the Hartdale Hawks domestically and currently has four goals in two games. Florintine has said he won't be starting Nikali, but we be using him often off the bench. Instead he will be inserting Samuel Tatum into the starting line up. Tatum who is the younger brother of Joe Tatum, a center for the Cacluttas, has 0 caps but shows great promise. He plays for Inferno domesticly and looks to have a great career ahead of him. One of Tatum's greatest strenths is his ability to create something out of nothing. We'll see if this risk pays out when the Calcuttas play System Karela at Raynor City. The teams will be playing in the famous Battleground, where the fans are just 3 yards away from the pitch, which will be sure to put Karela on ends.

Team Schedule
Loss Wins Draw
Matchday 1: Audioslavia 4 V 2 Marauders
Matchday 2: Marauders 3 V 0 Spammanian Plijous
Matchday 3: Haraki 4 V 1 Marauders
Matchday 4: Marauders V System Karela
Matchday 5: Cuation V Marauders
Matchday 6: Marauders V Intyny
Matchday 7: Marauders V Becquerelia
Matchday 8: Marauders V Audioslavia
Matchday 9: Spaamanian Plijous V Marauders
Matchday 10: Marauders V Haraki
Matchday 11: System Karela V Marauders
Matchday 12: Marauders V Cuation
Matchday 13: Intyny V Marauders
Matchday 14: Becquerelia V Marauders

With the latest from the pitch this is Ron Santapa signing off.

From the Aquillan Times

Rejistania won over Kericia 1:0!

OOC: Add other infamous RPs here: http://ns.goobergunch.net/wiki/index.php/Infamous_Sports_RPs

IC:
from the Na~ovi National

1:0!! SyDe scores!!!
The Orange-Blues defeated the Kerician national team by a 1:0 scoreline. Syku Lyku, called SyDe, scored the decisive goal in the 56th minute. The rejistanian team again was standing well in the defense. However most amazing was the performance of the young KaMaRian striker Syku "SyDe" Lyku, who had 3 great chances and in a unexpected distance shot brought the Orange-Blues ahead.

The Kerician play was uninspired even though sometimes, they showed their class. In the 79th minute, they nearly shocked the nation of Rejistania by equalizing after $offensivemidfielder outran Itera'he, passed to $striker whose shot hit goalie Kis'he. The Kericians later in the game attacked fiercely and were forced to play outnumbered when $midfielder was red carded for repeated fouls. This happened in the 83th minute.

From the Nationalblog*

Short article, many mistakes

The National released a short article about the match between the Orange-Blues and Kericia in their Monday issue. Apparently the reporters were still celebrating and this article was written while drunk. These mistakes happened:
* SyDe normally indicates Syku Lyku of TAHAI!, the Syku Lyku, who played is Syku Lyku Sikane'tes.
* Syku Lkyu Sikane'tes is not KaMaRian, but as his name indicates from Sikane (EDIT, apparently despite his name, he lived some years in KaMaRi, but decides his home is in Sikane, so the National was not quite wrong here)
* The red card was not in the 83rd but in the 84th minute
* There were some kerician chances, which pretty much render the phrase about the good defense void.

*OOC: Think of Bildblog in Germany. A watchblog monitoring the activities, misinformations and hidden advertisements in the German newspaper Bild.

Chuck Norris News
For All Of Your Fighting Norris Coverage

Mr Chuck Norris 0
Warrior Treblah 1 (Forward "A" 78)

Here's the stage, the Fighting Norris stroll into Warrior Treblah's stadium laughing it up as they are second place in group two. They are finally being reguarded as somewhat skillful on the international stage and should have little trouble crushing this small 187-ranked Warrior Treblah squad sitting before them. Unfortunately, thier overconfidence would be their downfall on this fateful day.

Warrior Treblah is a team who, much like Risa-Aramour, refuses to output any media releases and keeps thier strategy and skill shrouded as a result. As play began, the Fighting Norris performed overly clumsy, failing to keep solid possession of the ball. However, Warrior Treblah's inexperience prevented them from making any strides in the match. Time passed with no advantage and the Fighting Norris began to worry. The half neared and still no progress. Teh ball just never seemed to be in the right place for the web of Fighting Norris players.

The half struck and all heck broke loose, coach of the Fighting Norris Bob Janney exploded in the lockerroom:
"WHAT'S THE DEAL! We are known for having a superior offense and we can't even pull one off against this no-talent wannabee team? What's to come of us if we don't win this match. These are points that we will need in the upcoming weeks. Or is it the fact that you guys want to go to the Cup of Harmony? You better get out there and start crushing these guys, teach them what a real team performs like."

However, his deconstructive tone only seemed to make the struggling Fighting Norris perform worse. The second half started out with much of the same for both teams; no organiztion, no advancement, no progress. For a team that performed so well in the Risa-Aramour match of matchday two, the Fighting Norris were overly dissappointing. Things would only get worse however, as Warrior Treblah began to stage offensive attacks. The Fighting Norris defensse notorious for its mediocrity began to show as much weakness as the Fighting Norris offense had the entire match. The bottom fell out in minute 78, when Warrior Treblah's forward "A" managed to hook one around Fighting Norris defender Scottest Hovest and into the net.

The Fighting Norris have always been good when working form behind, they had staged impressive comebacks in both of their last matches. However, they would not be so lucky this time. Something was just not on during the match, and it ended in a sad 0-1 score in favor of Warrior Treblah. This loss came as a sever blow to the Fighting Norris, who are going to need a miracle to stay up in group two. Here to do some of his infamous group analysis is coach of the Fighting Norris, Bob Janney.

"This loss is rough, but it was nessecary to this tourney. This is the loss that will make us realize that we can never again march into a match with so much confidence, or we will not succeed. Now, the easiest part of our schedule had passed, not a good thing for as at all. Our next match at Fmjphoenix will require a miracle and the following match versus Schiavonia will be very far from easy. Not only that, but our mirror-team Vuam and Isma will be a tough one as well, a very even match at face value. Going into matchday seven, I wouldn't be suprised if we'd be in seventh in the group. Fortunately, we then have four matches in which we can milk some points out of. How we peform in matchdays 7-10 will determine how we finish in these qualifiers. This may have been a bad performance, but that's no reason to give up on the Fighting Norris. Please lend us your full sipport in the upcoming weeks... we're gonna need it."

The Schedule of The Fighting Norris for World Cup 29
Matchday 1: Vs Northern Caesarea (Draw 2-2)
Matchday 2: At Risa-Aramour (Win 3-2)
Matchday 3: At Warrior Treblah (Loss 0-1)
Matchday 4: At Fmjphoenix
Matchday 5: Vs Schiavonia
Matchday 6: Vs Vuam and Isma
Matchday 7: At Zychibastan
Matchday 8: At Northern Caesarea
Matchday 9: Vs Risa-Aramour
Matchday 10: Vs Warrior Treblah
Matchday 11: Vs Fmjphoenix
Matchday 12: At Schiavonia
Matchday 13: At Vuam and Isma
Matchday 14: Vs Zychibastan

The Fighting Norris' World Cup 29 Record: (1-1-1)

GRAHAM CITY SUN - Sports Section

Stars Give Group Leaders Scare

NICOSIA, CYPRUS - The Stars though that they could've beaten Oliverry, and for teh first fourty-five minutes, the Stars looked perilously close to bring that particular pipe dream out of the sewers and into the light of day. "It gave us hope, the first half did. They ended up out playing us in the end, but that's the way it happens sometime. I thought we played well overall, I feel that we should be proud of this game and all it means for our team and hopefully our continued success," said captian Quentin Mackallen after the game. "We did well, kept the midfield under control for the first half, gave the strikers some quality chances, made good use of the wings and our speed and physical presence. Despite the final results, I'd say this was a good game for our squad," commented Manager Doig during the post game press conference.

The match between Oliverry and the Stars took place at the City Square field, a magical location in the middle of Nicosia, surrounded by thousands of bleacher seating and restaurants and view platforms often all with their own announcers. Many players who have played on this field remark at it's wonderful atmosphere. The restaurants and bleachers were full tonight as the Stars took on Oliverry in World Cup qualifying, what many in the Allied States feel was a match in between the two qualifiers from this group. The Stars opened up with a quick goal. Ryley Bloudin capitalized on a early mistake from Maurice Bouchard and the weak Oliverrian defence, taking the ball and storming in on goal, roofing it after chipping it over keeper Duffet.

The Stars continued to attack, catching the distinctly takilan Oliverry off-guard and continued to press the attack, with two chances called offside, though this time aroudn they were a little more reasonable. The Stars were able to use their physical strength and speed on the wings to dominate the midfield throughout the first half. Oliverty struggled to adapt as they wee thrown back on their heels. Coach Jonathan Fairbanks, a Milchaman, had to be restrained after the goal and several chances during the first half. After the game, it was noted that Fairbanks was having violent reactions from simply being in the Allied States.

Oliverry came out though with fire, and quickly tied it up, off of a long ball from Aiden Hunt to Tristan Cloutier, who put it in the back of the net. Then, Oliverry simply let their better skill take over. They swarmed the defence, even after Castinallas coming in to provide a more defensive midfield stance. Cloutier scored again in the 64th minute, and then Larocque finally put it out of reach from the Stars in the 77th minute.

FINAL SCORE
The Lowland Clans - 1
Oliverry - 3

MD1- The Lowland Clans v. Danskmark - W; 2-1
MD2- Good Happiness v. The Lolwand Clans - T; 0-0
MD3- The Lowland Clans v. Oliverry - L; 1-3
MD4- Commerce Heights v. The Lolwand Clans
MD5- The Lowland Clans v. Adam Island
MD6- Collonie v. The Lowland Clans
MD7- Mrkvejnia v. The Lowland Clans
MD8- Danskmark v. The Lowland Clans
MD9- The Lowland Clans v. Good Happiness
MD10- Oliverry v. The Lowland Clans
MD11- The Lowland Clans v. Commerce Heights
MD12- Adam Island v. The Lowland Clans
MD13- The Lowland Clans v. Collonie
MD14- The Lowland Clans v. Mrkvejnia

"Jeez, that was hard work, Barnesy."

"Well, they're the number one seeds, what did you expect?"

"I thought they'd come at us a bit more."

"Why should they? They're the away team, a point here is good for them, they'll expect to pick up enough points elsewhere to qualify with ease. It's worse for us, though..."

Joe Weston spoke up. "So why did you have us pack the defence, Tom?"

"To tire them out. Force them to do something. Instead of relying on the break. I thought we'd play this as if we were the away team. They won't know what's hit them at Jeruselem.

"But well done, guys. Didn't let going behind bother you. Frank, brilliant goal as ever.

"Ariddia next. Away. This is probably the big one."

***

Big one indeed. So unleash the first choice team.

Tracey

Talbot Bateson Moon Tanner

Loder Weston Kent

Treves
Barnes Cooper

With some luck, thought Barnes, the Crows would be chomping at the proverbial bit to have a go.

http://bellsouthpwp.net/h/a/harleyt_1387/bsd_banner.png

Bacon steps down, Reagan to become BFA head

In a press release from the Bedistan Football Association this morning, it was announced that long-time BFA president Sam Bacon was officially retiring from his post. It had been rumored for several years that Bacon would resign, and the news finally came today following an announcement from the Football Association of Liverpool England (FALE) that former Bedistan national team goalkeeper Nick Reagan had been terminated from his job as manager of the Liverpool England national team. The press release confirmed that Reagan would ascend to the post of president of the BFA.

Neither Bacon nor Reagan could be reached for comment.

OOC: Is first team listed considered home or away? Like say it's 6v8...would 6 be home or would 8?

"Mike Jones from World Cup Sloths here. Schiavonia overcame Zychibastan easily in their last game by four goals to two, with Tarmey back to his brilliant best with a storming hat-trick. Vuam and Isma and Mr Chuck Norris are up next, which should be a challenging couple of games for the Sloths, eh Filipo?"

"Indeed they should. Despite a dodgy result for MCN in their last match as they struggled to deal with the lone horseman that is Warrior Treblah. And Vuam and Isma were beaten in their last game, too, although that was against Fmjphoenix. So two worthy opponents that Schiavonia should take great care in facing."

"And remember, you can listen to them accross Schiavonia live and exclusively here on Schia FM!"

OOC: Home teams are listed first. Virginia Nova didn't seem to notice this when we told him earlier in the tournament (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=11202306&postcount=48).

You all have had enough, I'm CUTTING YOU OFF.

http://i57.photobucket.com/albums/g237/Zanziik/TFNlogo.png
3 Goals, 3 Points, 1 Win!

First home game of qualifying ends in victory!

Coming off a difficult tie on match day 3 against #127 Green Wombat, Tinsuvilia went into their home match against #187 Benlandngdo with their rabid fans expecting a win.

The Sturmkrieger did not disappoint.

The entire game was a rout. 1-0, 2-0, 2-1, and finally 3-1 to end the match. Fans in New Reichsburg Stadium would accept no less than an absolute victory against the low ranked Benlandngdo, and an absolute victory was what they recieved. On the final whistle, fans jumped into the pitch enmasse, celebrating with their team. After several hours of partying, manager Baldwin had this to say about the team's performance:

"After our first match, everyone was doubting us, doubting Jeri, doubting Imre. I promised a turnaround, and these players have executed that perfectly. We haven't lost since. I believe that this team has what it takes to go all the way, and I believe that you will see us in the knockout round shortly."

It is unsure whether Baldwin was under the influence while this remark was made, but it is surely bold.

Only time can tell.
Tinsuvilia: 3 (Feld 16, Kavelt 26, Answoir 46)
Benlandngdo 1 ("X" 28)

[Griffis] This is Greg Griffis, LIVE on Channel 9 Griffwitness News! Chaos in Fort Boston city centre tonight, after the best ever day for Bostopian sports! Dave Prast won his first ever Grand Prix, and Bostopia F1’s first ever Grand Prix win. Also, Bostopia’s national team beat Green wombat 6 – 4! Bostopia had gone behind 4 times, but they pulled back each time! Jamie Trent scored twice, with Serring netting the third, fourth and fifth goal, before Trent added another for his hattrick!

And in other news, a Geesemonkey today prompted humiliation in Tinsuvilia. Said Geesemonkey had swam across the sea, and upon making landfall, caused the Tinsuvilian armed forces, consisting of one guy with a ‘throwing marble’, to goto red alert. We can cross over to Tinsuvilia now, Daniel?

Elven Sports Network
Current Show: Football Central

"Good evening everyone, I'm Jason Klien joined by Jennifer Sar for tonight's edition of Football Central. It was a very succesful night for the Marauders as their offence came back to life and St Louis was a wall in goal, grabbing his second clean sheet. So Jennifer, it seems to me that the Marauders are doing everything right at home, but everything wrong on the road. What do you contribute to this, and how do they rectify it?"

"Well it's all about the mentality. You know at your home pitch that the crowd is behind you and your in familar souroundings. Away, you're in a hostile enviroment, and in something outside your comfort zone. In my expierences in the leagues, I found it easier to play on the road when I just approached it as just another game. If they can do this, they should be able to get results away from the ESF."

"Well said. While many of us were doubting Florintine's move to put Tatum into the starting line up, it did pay off, as well as bringing Nikali Rikard from the premiership to relpace injured Kyle Collins. Tatum had an assist on a simply brilliant goal by Night, while Rikard scored late in the match to wrap it for the Marauders."

"Yes, both youngsters played well in their first cap, even though I don't agree with the move to put Tatum into the line up, it did pay off . Still I much would of rather seen Riot or St John who have more expierence."

"Perhaps Florintine will make another change in the line up, but for now, let us concentrate on the game."

*Screen switches to Highlights*
21st Minute
Well it really has been an even match so far with each team feeling each other out. Swent brings down the clearance by the Karelan keeper. He passes it off to Stone, who sends it across the pitch to Tatum. Night is going to the far post, Tatum crosses it, and Night goes up for it. GOALLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLL! Headed it perfectly down, leaving the keeper completely helpless. That my friends is perfect finishing.

42nd Minute
The Marauders are really starting to take over. That goal by Night seems to taken life out of the Karelan side. Tatum takes the pass by Hardsworth, and turns to survey the field. And down goes Tatum, what an ugly tackle by that midfielder. And here comes the ref, yes he brings out the yellow, deservedly so. That player better watch out, if he keeps on in the refs face he's likely to be ejected. There it is, the red card. You just can't push a ref and expect to get away with it.

51st Minute
The first half was all Marauders but they are only up by the one goal. That could come back to haunt them if Karela scores soon. Tatum seems to be limping, possibly from that hard tackle just before the end of the half. Looks like Rikard is coming on for him and the crowd is giving Tatum a round of applause.

81st Minute
Well the Marauders must of watched the last episode of Football Central, because they are playing keep away from Karela. Rikard takes the ball of the Karelan forward and is racing down field. The defender is trying to shoulder him off the ball, and he slips the ball past him and dekes past him. Now it's just Rikard and the goalie. Which way will Rikard go? Oh crikey, he faked out the goalie so bad and now just taps it in. 2-0, this one is over.

*Screen Switches back to the Studio*

"Well it certainly looks like Marauders did watch the game. They controlled possesion with 63% for and 37% against. St Louis really wasn't tested much, saving all 4 shots against him including a sure goal just before the game ended. This style of play really worked well for the Marauders didn't it Jenn?"

"Yeah it did. Now for an update on the rest of the group. Audioslavia was upset by Becquerelia 0-1, Haraki dominated Cuation 5-3, and Intyny got another 0-0 draw against Spaamanian Plijous to keep this unknown undefeated. This sets up the group as followed."
Group 4 GP W T L PTS GD GF GA
Audioslavia 4 3 0 1 9 3 8 5
Haraki 4 2 1 1 7 4 13 8
Intyny 4 1 3 0 6 1 4 3
Becquerelia 4 2 0 2 6 0 4 4
Elves Security Forces 4 2 0 2 6 -2 8 10
Spaamanian Plijous 4 1 2 1 5 -2 3 5
Cuation 4 1 1 2 4 -2 7 9
System Karela 4 0 1 3 1 -4 4 8


"Thank you for that update Jenn. Well the Marauders will play in Cuation next match, and it will be a big for their qualfying run if they manage a win or draw. We leave you with highlights of the game and update of the schedule. This is Jason Klien and Jennifer Sar signing off."

Team Schedule
Loss Win Draw
Matchday 1: Audioslavia 4 V 2 Marauders
Matchday 2: Marauders 3 V 0 Spammanian Plijous
Matchday 3: Haraki 6 V 1 Marauders
Matchday 4: Marauders 2 V 0 System Karela
Matchday 5: Cuation V Marauders
Matchday 6: Marauders V Intyny
Matchday 7: Marauders V Becquerelia
Matchday 8: Marauders V Audioslavia
Matchday 9: Spaamanian Plijous V Marauders
Matchday 10: Marauders V Haraki
Matchday 11: System Karela V Marauders
Matchday 12: Marauders V Cuation
Matchday 13: Intyny V Marauders
Matchday 14: Becquerelia V Marauders

End Broadcast

Quakmybush National Team Continues Surprising Run


The Quakmybush national soccer team continued its run with a 4-1 win over Krajkovia. Jon Fields scored twice, once in the 2nd minute and another in the 40th minute to give Quakmybush the lead. Krajkovie then got on the board with an own goal by Greg Hughes. Cam Carroll continued his spectacular goaltending with another penalty save. In the 78th minute Andrew Plett put in a beautiful header to make it 3-1 and in the 92nd minute Ben Miller finished off a great passing play to make it 4-1. Quakmybush looks to make even more noise when they face Rordia tommorrow.

AwalKB Football Report

Good evening, I'm Joe Lohos here to bring you some suprisingly good news!

The AwalKB Sex Gods defeated Sexy Games earlier today in a 5-1 blowout. Although the home crowd of Sexy Games was estatic in the 3rd minute when their star striker edged one by Taylor Johnson and into the back of the net.

The AwalKB squad seemingly unscathed by this embarrasment went on to score just 3 minutes later in the 6th minute on an own goal after captain Andrew Wilson launched a corner into the goal area.

Control of the game was clearly on the Sex Gods side as they went on to score one more in the first half as Jeff Sanzo took advantage of Sexy Games lazy offsides trap and put one by the goalkeeper, putting AwalKB up 2-1 at halftime.

The bombardment continued in the second half in the 56th minute as AwalKB goalkeeper Taylor Johnson launched a kick from the backfield into the penalty area which was touched in by midfielder Andre Rico.

Two more goals by striker Jeff Sanzo in the 65th and 76th minute gave him a hattrick for the day and left the crowd silent as the away team walked off after the 90th minute with a 5-1 victory.

The Sex Gods are scheduled to arrive in Spindomia tonight in preperation for their match against the 204 ranked squad tommorow. The near future for AwalKB is looking good as they are for once, favored in this match against Spindomia.

With that, I'm Joe Lohos and we'll be right back with the latest on the AwalKian First League and AwalK City's most recent collapse.

((OOC: Thanks Schiavonia I thought I was right...))

"Joe! JOE!!"

"Huh? What?"

"We just got a report, Coach Alfred Flatt has been found dead in a dumpster in AwalK City!"

"Well, can't say we didn't expect it can we?"

"Aren't we going to report it?"

"Hell no, not unless someone else does it first, the Prime Minister will go balistic and destroy this whole station, I'd say it isn't worth it."

"I thought he supported free press?"

"As long as it doesn't make him look bad."

"And how would this make him look bad?"

"Because he ordered Flatt to be killed?"

The field reporter looks astonished as Joe Lohos swears to himself and wonders how the hell he's going to get out of this one.

"He what?!"

"Lets just pretend you didn't hear that..."

"Are you kidding? How could you hide something like this?"

"Well lets see, I could tell you, but you'll just get me killed. I could tell the police, but they'll just kill me. I could tell the parliament, oh wait, but they're dissolved. Any more brilliant questions?"

"I guess you have a point..."

"You're damn right I do, now go write that newspaper report and put my name on it."

"Yes, sir."

OOC:Expect a short RP. I'm out of creative juce,and it was not an exciting game

VirginiaNova1
Spindomia1

NOVA RICHMOND-Today's WC Qualifier for the Eagles did get us points,but it got us only one; as the Virginia Nova Eagles tied Spindomia 1 all. today in Spindomia. The game got started at night under a full moon,but foutianitly Elrich wasn't playing. With the moonlite though the stars did shine as just 14 minutes in a the Spindomian captian got one passed Alex Potter Who was making his return to WC action. That would be the only goal Potter gave up. tough there was some controversy early as a Spindoomian penelty kick appeared to go of the hand of Defender Jason Yarr; but nothing was called. The Eagles only goal of the game came at 45:35 when A Jimmy Hellios pass became a Harold freemont goal giving Harold his 5th goal of the tournement. Other than that is was a boring game with surprisingly little action. Next for the Eagles is the first of 3 straight games against AO apponants. These game will be key if VN wants to keep in the hunt for a transfer.

Keltic War-Chronicle-Tribune-Post-Gazette-Journal-Enquirer-Times-Sentinel

Sports Section

Warriors lose 4-2 say next time will be better and quite possibly they won't suck

The Milchama Warriors played terribly today with a gawd awful loss against the Chicanada Orange Stars. The Warriors looked happy, tired and a little bit hung over after their celebration yesterday for winning the group. The Kodikits, who have not named a roster for their team, came out calm and energetic for this game. The play looked like that early as Chicanada pressed their early advantage and in the 12th minute Midfielder Damarus Bastian put in a great cross toward Striker Michael Klobee who headed the ball in for the first goal of the match. After the goal the Warriors tried to take control but the Chicanada defense kept foiling them and they were forced to long shots out of the box that were almost all easy saves for Alexander Nespin. Although when the Orange Stars threatened their attacks looked menacing and it took some great play by both the defenders and goalkeeper Clay Finton to keep them from being two goals up. The miracoulous defense work couldn't last forever and it didn't as in the 34th minute Midfielder Damarus Bastian this time found Striker Malacki Uroals who went around Thompson and put the ball in the back of the net for a 2-0 lead. That looked like it was going to be the half time score but it wasn't as in extra time Milchama finally got the ball in the box thru some great counter attacking by Johnny Rintell and it went to great effect as Matt Bantin slotted the ball home to cut the lead in half. The score at half time 2-1 Chicanada.

The second half didn't get any better for the Warriors as the Orange Stars again struck fast and furious this time Midfielder Damarun Bastian himself did the scoring to give Chicanada a 3-1 lead. The game was now looking like it was going to be a blow-out as in the 52nd minute Stockholm headed a ball off the line. Finally after 10 minutes of defensive scrambling Flinters started his specialty -the one man counter attack- He deked two defenders out of their shoes ran past the other ones and shot the ball strait into the net for a goal and to cut the lead to 3-2. Unfortunately the game did not get any better for Milchama who put in Albentine and Sanchez to hopefully stop Chicanada from getting another goal. Their subs could do little difference to stop the Orange Star offensive which again brought another goal from Defender Jason Hellien on a corner kick. Milchama try as they might could not get Chicanada out of their zone and took the loss 4-2.

Final Score
Chicanada 4 (Nespin 12, Uroals 34, Bastian 49, Hellien 74)
Milchama 2 (Bantin 45, Flinters 68)


And now for some odd reactions to the game: (This also proves that this RP was almost blatantly copied from a post in the U21WC 18 RP thread. Post number 73)
Coach Jonathan Fairbanks said, "To make the second round is unbielevable and to think that the majority of these guys are also starters for the World Cup is even more unbielevable. I can't wait for WC24 to start to show that Milchama will be a soccer power one day."
Dunston Copperlee said, " We were outplayed today. We should have done better but we were to stuck up on meaningless things like the fact that we won our group. We have to not be happy with a second round finish but think of it as a good beginning. Come to think of it God Damnit! a second round finish f***ing sucks we should have done much better god damnet! If we are happy with this there is no way we will ever win anything! what the f***! we should not be proud we should be shooting ourselves for our horrible performance today! Oof we suck."

Milchama Man of the Match:
Matt Bantin again gave another inspired performance until he was subbed out due to a slight knock he picked up in the second half. His goal at the end of the first half was a suberb finish and if he keeps this up he might just nab a starting spot away from Floren Albentine. His play has just been spectacular.

Raging Penguins Report:
Well we can take solice in the fact that the Raging Penguins are sucking more than we are. This is always a good thing. They had a 2-0 loss today and this was a bad loss. I don't think they will win much this campaign. Too bad for them.

The real reaction from Coach Smith:
We suck period.

As the HNN Sports and World Cup 29 Qualifying logos both faded into the faces of Sam Sherman and Rebecca Bristol, Bristol looked pleased and Sherman looked downright excited, starting off on his opening speech before the video feed had even faded in completely. "Good evening, Hawks fans, I'm Sam Sherman, and this is Rebecca Bristol, for the Haraki News Network. Last night the Hawks hosted third seed Cuation at home in Atherlon, managing a comfortable victory over the team I consider the greatest threat to Harakian qualifying."

Bristol took over form there. "The team played quite well, playing the ball well and dominating the midfield, forcing Cuation back into their own half and creating a great deal of scoring opportunities. Cuation, however, managed the first goal, at twenty minutes, when a nice forward drive led to several minutes of hard offensive play in Haraki's end that culminated in a nice shot by Cuation midfielder Steven Milnar into the bottom corner that Chris O'Hara just couldn't stop.

"The Hawks evened it up only minutes later, though, when Richard Weber avenged three goalless games with a furious shot that bent through the air past Cuation's keeper and into the back of the net. Despite Cuation's control over the ball when it was put back into play, the Hawks managed to capture play once again and score several minutes later for a 2-1 lead. The goal itself was nothing exceptional, with Matthew Thompson adding his only goal of the game off a header from a Thomas Neils corner kick.

"The rest of the half played out fairly evenly, with one yellow card to Samantha Ribald for an aggressive tackle against Milnar, apparently in retaliation for his goal. At halftime, the Hawks were up 2-1, but they had to be prepared for a thrilling five-goal half."

The highlights of the goals and card finished as it faded back in to Sam Sherman talking. "The second half opened strongly, with Haraki managing a good offensive drive and Mike Zendar almost scoring when a deliberate tackle from Leslie Butcher inside the penalty area sent him flying. The referee called it a yellow card and awarded Zendar a penalty kick, which he slotted past Cuation's Gary Jens. Some fifteen minutes later, as the game continued heating up, Matthew Thompson took a nasty tumble that only showed off his physical exhaustion, and mere moments later he was replaced by Hawks' veteran Samuel Sharp.

"Sharp managed to make an impact, with assists on both Haraki's last two goals, but couldn't manage to find his feet enough to score any himself. Haraki's last areas of play seemed dominated by the midfields, with Sharp unable to get a good shot five minutes after being sent on and giving a high lob back to Julie Vern, who managed a nice volley shot into the top of the net."

Here Bristol made her next speech, highlights still playing on the screen as the two provided voiceover. "Cuation managed a second goal at seventy-two minutes, as striker Rual Mendisez managed to slot one past Chris O'Hara for Cuation's second goal, bringing the score to 4-2 with twenty minutes left. Haraki managed to slot away an insurance goal at eighty minutes, as U21 midfield Theo Angelica got in a header. Some nice offensive play from Vern, Neils, Zendar and Sharp led to Gary Jens throwing the ball out. Forward Samuel Sharp was there to head it back towards the net, and as it came down Angelica leapt into the air and headed it past Jens for Haraki's fifth goal.

"Cuation managed only one more goal, with striker Mendisez getting another kick past O'Hara, but it was a consolation goal. The game ended after one minute of extra time with a Harakian victory, 5-3. And I have to say, I was impressd by Haraki's play today. The play on the field was excellent, although as I said, I don't think seventeen year-old Chris O'Hara was up to the task in net."

"Well, Rebecca, he did have some tough shots to answer to, and he onyl allowed three goals past him."

"But Sam, Cuation's offense didn't manage many more shots than that. Haraki's midfield and defensive game was excellent today, and in my opinion it was mostly weakness in net that coast Haraki those three goals. Still a very convincing victory, and I'll be happy since Vargas has announced Mark Stone will be starting once again versus Becquerelia next week. Becquerelia, if you remember, we played twice in the pre-World Cup 27 Pabtism of Fire, with Mark Stone recording shutouts both times."

"I do remember. He was on the top of his game."

"Theo Angelica, on the other hand, will be starting once again in place of Luke Ford, who may be getting a permanent spot on the bench if Angelica keeps playing like this. Angelica simply better suits Haraki's offensive play. Ford only ever managed one goal internationally, in World Cup 27 qualifying, whereas Angelica has already recorded twice that, one in Andossa Se Mitrin Vega and now one in World Cup qualifying. He's been playing excellently, and I must say congratulations to him. Gary Willis will be back at his starting centre-back defensive spot."

"Now, on to the rest of the week's games. Becquerelia managed to beat Audioslavia 1-0, which combined with Intyny's zip-all draw against the Spaamanians puts Haraki in second place, only two points behind Audioslavia in first."

"Thank you, Sam. And it looks like we're out of time. Thanks for joining us again on HNN Sports, and remember there will be highlights of the Hawks' games playing every weeknight starting at 8:30, only on the Haraki News Network. For Sam Sherman and myself, good night."



Haraki 5 - Cuation 3

(20) Milnar
Weber (23)
Thompson (29)
Zendar (48)
Vern (66)
(72) Mendisez
Angelica (80)
(86) Mendisez

Goals a pleanty in Vikings first four matches, open 4-0 in WC29 qualifying

In what could possibly be Mike Nolan's final World Cup campaign with the Vikings, he is showing that age is no factor, as he has piled up 9 of Fmjphoenix's 20 goals through its first four matches, netting a hattrick against both Schiavonia and Mr Chuck Norris. Winning their first four matches, Fmjphoenix has opened up to a large lead early on in the group, 4 points clear of second place Northern Caesarea, whom the Vikings matchup against next. Here is a quick rundown of the action so far:

Fmjphoenix 5 - 1 Zychibastan
Nolan scored the first two goals of the match and Selphie Timmett, Brian Dougood and Andrew Jenkins each scored a goal as the Vikings opened up a 5-0 lead at half time and held on to defeat Zychibastan 5-1 in the opening match of World Cup 29. Trevor Griggs came in the 67th minute and put a light header past Justin Keys to give Zychibastan their lone goal of the match.

Fmjphoenix 4 - 2 Schiavonia
Nolan added his first hattrick of World Cup 29 against Schiavonia, scoring all three goals in the second half to bring the Vikings from down 2-1 to winning 4-2. 17 year old Ridley Silverlake scored her first national goal in the 14th minute on a free kick.

Vaum and Isma 0 - 3 Fmjphoenix
In the Vikings first visit, Brian Dougood barely missed out on a hattrick and Nolan added his 5th goal of qualification as the Vikings scored all three goals before the end of the first half and held on to win 3-0 despite being outshot 14-8 in the second half.

Fmjphoenix 8 - 1 Mr Chuck Norris
In an offensive burst, the Vikings scored eight goals, neatly behind a hattrick from both Mike Nolan and Jack Russell, Russell's goals coming as he filled in for Nolan in the second half. Silverlake and Timmett both scored a goal as the 8 goals scored marks a national team record. The most goals scored by Fmjphoenix in an international match was 11-3 against The Eagles Nest in the U21WC.

Next up, the Vikings head out to Northern Caesarea to start a 5 match road trip. Northern Caesarea are second in the group, one point ahead of both Schiavonia and Risa-Aramour. Despite the long road stretch, the Vikings are in good position to take the group and runaway with it. It will all come down to the execution. In other news, the FAF have granted the FALE its wish and unconditionally released Mr. Gary Accrew so that he may return back to the Terminators.

"We thank him for his help in turning the Fmjphoenix fitness system into one of the top in the world. We wish him and Liverpool England all the luck possible in the future." FAF president Jorge Mendel stated earlier in a press release.

World Cup 29 Qualification
------------------------------------------------------------
MD01: Fmjphoenix 5 - 1 Zychibastan
MD02: Fmjphoenix 4 - 2 Schiavonia
MD03: Vaum and Isma 0 - 3 Fmjphoenix
MD04: Fmjphoenix 8 - 1 Mr Chuck Norris
MD05: Northern Caesarea ? - ? Fmjphoenix
MD06: Risa-Aramour ? - ? Fmjphoenix
MD07: Warrior Treblah ? - ? Fmjphoenix
MD08: Zychibastan ? - ? Fmjphoenix
MD09: Schiavonia ? - ? Fmjphoenix
MD10: Fmjphoenix ? - ? Vaum and Isma
MD11: Mr Chuck Norris ? - ? Fmjphoenix
MD12: Fmjphoenix ? - ? Northern Caesarea
MD13: Fmjphoenix ? - ? Risa-Aramour
MD14: Fmjphoenix ? - ? Warrior Treblah
------------------------------------------------------------
Record: 4-0-0
------------------------------------------------------------
Goal Scorers:
M. Nolan - 9
B. Dougood - 3
J. Russell - 3
S. Timmett - 2
R. Silverlake - 2
A. Jenkins - 1

"Hopes of Qualfing now quiet" by Nev Gould

A Disasserous start by the Bazalopes gave them a total of 2 points from four matches most of which they should have been dominate over the other teams. James Gaines is starting to worry wether or not a change of coaching is required. Maybe a Bazalonian coach is back in the works> Who knows, All we know is that the Bazalopes are seriously flailing after a number of matches. emphasised by the 1-nil loss to Benlandngdo. We are now 2nd last on the ladder instead of 2nd or 3rd where we should be.

Neil Kabants had this to say on his behalf. "The boys know what is expected of them and their failure to deliver is just putting more pressure on them.. back off and let me and our group of sports psychologists work with the team and we'll see if we can't turn this around. Mental state is very important when it comes to sport."

The latest match however a 2-all draw against Cataduanes has brought hope to the team, maybe this is a new revalitised team of Bazalopes will once again lift our hopes of Qualifing for the world cup something that we have never done before and we still have a chance if only we manage to win some matches.

Hilforshire Small City Newspaper With a Really Long After Name That We Will Eventually Get To, So Don't Worry As It Is Coming...Now! Times-Plain-Dealer-Gazette-Thingy-Post-Tribune-Sun-Daily-Mail-Picayune- Herald-Pink-Floyd-Haaretz-International-Domestic-Newspaper-Doom!-
!-National- Enquirer-Spelled-Wrong-Right?

Sports Section

We have our finalists

As our crack research team have just found out Yafor 2, who has actually been around since 24 or 25 and despite coming close in several Cup of Harmony tournaments have never qualified for the World Cup. This puts them in the finals with The Lowland Clans who have also been consistently faiilng to qualifying since World Cup 24.
We will now compare records and see who will be the New Hypocria:

World Cup 24:
The Lowland Clans 14 7 1 6 22 18 22 +4: Third place in their qualified for a playoff which they lost to Bipedal Apes.

Yafor 2 14 4 3 7 18 21 15 -3 They finished in 6th place in their group

Cup of Harmony 16:
Lowland Clans 6 3 0 3 12 10 +2 9: Eliminated in the group stage

Yafor 2 did not compete

World Cup 25:
5 The Lowland Clans 18 7 4 7 25 29 -4 25: 5th place

6 Yafor 2 18 6 5 7 19 16 3 23:6th place.

Cup of Harmony 17:
The Lowland Clans 4 1 0 3 3 6 -3 3 E: Last place in their group

Yafor 2 4 3 0 1 5 4 +1 9 Q: Went on to become Champions

World Cup 26:
3. The Lowland Clans 19 6 1 5 21:21 0: Finished 7 points back of 2nd place NMS.

3. Yafor 2 16 3 7 2 14:12 2: Lost out on Goal Difference to n00bs The Kazoo People.

Cup of Harmony 18:
The Lowland Clans 3 2 1 0 4 2 7 +2: Lost in the 2nd round to ASMV.

Yafor 2 3 1 0 2 3 6 3 -3: Finished last in their group after winning the last CoH.

World Cup 27:
4 The Lowland Clans 16 5 6 5 22 24 -2 21: Missed out on the playoffs by 5 points.

7 Yafor 2 16 4 4 8 20 29 -9 16: Same group as TLC but a much worse finish

Cup of Harmony 19:
The Lowland Clans 3 1 2 0 5 3 2 63 5: Advanced to the second round

Yafor 2 3 2 0 1 5 5 0 50 6: Advanced to the second round.

World Cup 28:
Lowland Clans 12 6 1 5 14 16 -2 19: Missed qualification by two points.

Yafor 2 12 5 4 3 18 16 -2 19: Missed qualification by 1 point.

Cup of Harmony 20:
The Lowland Clans 3 3 0 0 6 2 9 4: Advanced to the quarterfinals.

Yafor 2 3 1 1 1 3 2 4 1: Advanced to the final and lost.

The new Hypocria is Yafor 2 as they have had much worse luck in qualifying coming so close twice only to see their dreams dashed. While they have had some nice runs in the Cup of Harmony that should come as little consolation to their losing out on goal difference in World Cup 26 and just missing by one point in World Cup 28.

So with that our short search comes to an end. If anybody has another nation worth metioning we will do it and maybe compare them to Yafor 2.

http://i40.photobucket.com/albums/e228/Sonya0111/SylMedCen.png
Unicorns Fall Just Short In Rejistania

Queen Sonya Sabre had more than enjoyed her first ever trip to Rejistania. The people had been really nice, even if none of them had ever heard of the Sylvanaes Kingdom before. The food had been excellent as well. But most importantly the Mystical Unicorns had played their match brilliantly. No. The Unicorns did not win - but they did have a great outing against one of the toughest sides in all of football on their own pitch.

Every media source in the world would have picked the Orange-Blues by a landslide in this match - And that includes us. Every rational thought said quite simply “Go home before it even starts.” But the Unicorns had other ideas.

The 62nd minute saw Altáriël Telperiën score on the most feared defense in all of football. That score evened the match at 1 and the Unicorns were in the hunt for a point. Rejistania put a stop to that quickly, but the fact remains that our Mystical Unicorns were competitive with the top side in Group 7.

The table shows little surprise after four matches. Sarzonia and Rejistania control the group. That was expected by everyone from the beginning. Kelse is playing very well and enjoys the third spot for now while The Unicorns are in fourth position. Kericia is struggling and Tecpatl is playing well early. Nothing is expected to change with the top two. And it looks to be a three-way battle for third the rest of the way - make that a four-way battle if Tecpatl continues their success.

The Unicorns return home after a three match road trip to face current Group 7 leaders Sarzonia. It is a stretch to say we have a chance in this one but that is to be expected. Sarzonia has been looking good in these qualifiers as compared to recent success. Hopefully they will return to form of the past two cups and slip up a bit for us.

The big news of the qualifiers thus far comes out of Praying2God. The Warriors are more than struggling right now and some of that can be attributed to events of terrorism on MD1. But that only accounts for one match. With a record of 0-1-3, the Warriors are in big trouble early. Hopefully they can turn things around quickly.

<The TV once again lights up with the "Football AR Edition" logo and theme music.>

"Welcome to Football AR Edition. I am Charles." - Charles

"And I'm Darwin, welcome to the only suriving football news in Atheistic Right." - Darwin

"The last 2 matches have been a trriumph for the Archeoteri.. who scored an impressive 3 goals against their opponents. Some other nation that obviously does not interest us at all... except for the points that they can give us..." - Charles

"Do we want to look at the video?" - Darwin

"Nah, why bother, because we have other more important news to tell... The government has announced today that a new style of weapon for the Atheistic Right military has started developement. Exactly what this weapon is or will do is still under a very heavy security blanket but we have been assured that it will not only augment the nations current military but will be a valuable weapon to defend ourselves against the many actions that the Archregimancy and it's lackeys taken against us. More news on this and World Cup information as they become available. I am Charles." - Charles

"And I'm Darwin, You are watching Football AR Edition, the only surviving Football news in Atheisitic Right." - Darwin

What the

And we turn back around to see what's behind us:


http://www.geocities.com/becquerelia/images/becquerelia.gif Becquerelia - 1__________0 - Audioslavia http://www.geocities.com/becquerelia/images/audioslavia.gif


COMING HOME WITH A VICTORY
Black Cats Beat Group Leader And End Away Trip


AUDIOSLAVIA (JNS) - There was smiles of joy and relief all around as the Becquerelian National Team prepared to head back home after their 1-0 victory over Audioslavia.

"I had said all along that this game against Audioslavia was going to be the toughest we would play all qualification," said Head Coach Mark Crescentini. "It was the third game of a road trip, against a team that I figured, and turned out to be, the overall best in the group. We would be tired after two tough games, which we were, playing in front of big Audioslavia crowd, which we did. The fact we won this game says alot about how good a team this really is."

Daniel Abigantus scored in the 45th minute, after a long period of back and forth play between the two teams. Tyrannio Licausi lived up to his boastful (and much mocked Becquerelia-side) claim of being the best goalkeeper in Becquerelia with a good day in goal, complete with one spectacular stop on a wide open penalty kick by Audioslavia forward Arturo Vitalis in the 65th minute.

Even after the loss, Audioslavia remains in the top spot in the group, a full two points ahead of second place Haraki, Becquerelia's next opponent. The Black Cats sit in fourth place, behind Intyny due to goal differential.


Becquerelia's Current Results and Upcoming Schedule
Home Team Last
WIN DRAW LOSS
MD01: Spaamanian Plijous - 1 Becquerelia - 0
MD02: Becquerelia - 2 System Karela - 1
MD03: Becquerelia - 1 Intyny - 2
MD04: Becquerelia - 1 Audioslavia - 0
MD05: Haraki (2-1-1) at Becquerelia (2-0-2)
MD06: Cuation (1-1-2) at Becquerelia (2-0-2)
MD07: Becquerelia (2-0-2) at Elves Security Forces (2-0-2)
MD08: Becquerelia (2-0-2) at Spaamanian Plijous (1-2-1)
MD09: System Karela (0-1-3) at Becquerelia (2-0-2)
MD10: Intyny (1-3-0) at Becquerelia (2-0-2)
MD11: Audioslavia (3-0-1) at Becquerelia (2-0-2)
MD12: Becquerelia (2-0-2) at Haraki (2-1-1)
MD13: Becquerelia (2-0-2) at Cuation (1-1-2)
MD14: Elves Security Forces (2-0-2) at Becquerelia (2-0-2)

FALE appoint Lunson as caretaker
The FALE have announced that ex-national defender, current national team assistant manager and under 21 team manager Thomas Lunson will take over duties as head coach of the Liverpool England national football team, succeeding Nick Reagan. However, it was announced that this would only be a temporary setup as Lunson has indicated his desire to remain as under 21 team manager. The FALE are looking for a new manager. Anyone interested should email (TG LE) the FALE with the following details:
Name
Age
Playing experience (national level)
Managerial experience
Other backroom experience
Preferred formation

This job is not open to nationals of the Virginia Nova and associated nations.

"Benlandngdo ahs their third loss in four games. Things are looking bleak for the team. Do you think they will qaulify?"
"Can, possibly. Will, no, they are to young and don't have as high standards for who should make the team."
"Do you think they have performed better than they should have?"
"Well, in the first match, they were totally dominated, but they have performed reasonably well, for team as bad as them."
"do you think they can win thhe next game?"
"Can, maybe. Will, no,."

THE ARCHREGIMANCY BRINGS YOU

WORLD CUP TONIGHT

With Fr. Nicholas the Scribe and Fr. John the Golden-Throated

"So... Fr. John.... Four matches in, we're top of the group - and we haven't conceded a goal...."

"Absolutely, Fr. Nicholas, and I can't help feeling a vague sense of ennui. These gentle parades towards automatic qualification just aren't the same as battling for qualification against the odds. Everything's lacking a certain frisson of excitement. Particularly since we've now played all three of the next highest seeds, and haven't conceded a goal against any of them. Where's the fun in that? I was hoping for a humiliating narrow home defeat against either Milchama or Kaze Progressa, and instead nothing. What can the Lord mean by this? Is not defeat soul-strengthening? The theological implications of easy automatic qualification are mind-boggling..."

"Don't count those chickens just yet, Fr. John... We're only ahead of Chicanada on the slimmest of goal differences, and the excelites of Kaze Progressa are just a point behind..."

"Oh, I know - and I suppose we should give thanks unto the Lord for our success. But I just can't help feeling that we would gain a useful dose of humility if we could just suffer a little every now and then. Though perhaps not as much as Praying2God. That's a bit too much suffering, even for an Orthodox monk."

"What about the football matches, Fr. John?"

"Ah, well, I have to admit that Coach Kyrill, Metropolitan of Solovetsky was a little worried about Chicanada - they've been scoring goals freely, converting chances with the same ease that Prince Vladimir of Kiev's court was converted to Holy Orthodoxy. So a 0-0 draw away - while boring for the average monastic football fan - has to count as a success. Not much in the way of highlights, though. Fr. Justinian and Chicanada 'keeper Nespin both had quiet matches, with Fr. Justinian finding time to finish three Holy Icons in the second half. True, Hedlon's sending-off only two minutes in for this horror tackle on Fr. Constantine the Learned didn't help - Hedlon should be searching his soul for forgiveness for that moment of madness - but the lads seemed listless out there. No real ambition. And I can't help but think that they don't know how to react now that they're top seeds. We like to think of Orthodoxy as a soul-strengthening struggle against the odds with victories few and between the long episodes of oppression and defeat, so this whole 'favourites' business seems to be causing more than a few of us problems.

Things were expected to be different against the Progressans - matches against the foul heathen excelites are always cause for excitement - and at least goals were scored this time. But again the goals came early on, and for the third time this tournament, the lads shut up shop, and coasted to a 2-0 victory. This stereotypical header off a corner from Fr. Michael the Greater opened the scoring in the 7th minute, and this long-range volley from Fr. David the Water-Drinker following a long period of patient build-up play completed the scoring in the 11th minute. After that, the most exciting thing that happened was a brief dream eddy - caused, I believe by the sleeping Progressan fans - that turned the Progressan team into teenage mutant ninja tomatoes for precisely 2.356 seconds"

"But that's highly unrealistic, Fr. John!"

"I know, Fr. Nicholas, but every now and then it's the sort of thing that happens round these parts. Not very holy, not very Orthodox. Just rather odd. At least their star striker avoided picking up an injury after only 65 seconds. That would have been completely unrealistic in a land where players' injuries are immediately healed*"

"So, 4 played, 3 won, 1 drawn, 6 goals scored, none conceded - surely a success, praise the Lord"

"Absolutely, Fr. Nicholas, but I do rather wish the lads would commit a footballing sin or two just to liven things up. Anyway, enough of my whingeing - what about Milchama complaining about the pre-match liturgy?"

"Silly stuff, Fr. John. The Hebrews seem to have mistaken the magnificence of the Divine Liturgy of St. John Chrysostom for a mere sermon."

"They are Hebrews, Fr. Nicholas..."

"Perhaps so, but you would have thought they'd have spotted the difference. On top of that, the Divine Liturgy doubles as our national anthem, and while we restrict this to a mere 2-minute long 'Even Unto Ages of Ages' when playing away, we're perfectly within our rights to not only play our full national anthem when playing at home, but to ask visitors to show respect by standing up for it."

"I agree entirely, Fr. Nicholas. Those Milchamans don't have a leg to stand on. Metaphorically speaking, that is, of course...."

*OOC: Read KP's roster post if you're baffled by the last few sentences.

http://i14.photobucket.com/albums/a318/stormgiantxxxl/ASMVFNN.jpg
ASMV, Yafor 2 Draw 1-1

This is Kellan Kildan reporting live from Stadii Se Draggonnii Arcea

The Sea Dragons remained at home to today to face the dangerous Yafor 2 Golden Wolves who were recently named the “New Hypocria” by the Milchama press. While we are not sure about their status being equal to that of the Hyppos, we do know that they are a very dangerous squad to face at any point. And they proved that again today.

The match started slowly as most Sea Dragon matches do. The defense was solid with Genesis Galluccio and Micah Swift turning aside the Yafor 2 attack and Shaun Conarky collecting anything that got close to the goal. The Yafor 2 defense was solid as well and Porche Alexander and Pablo Iglesias could find no opening for their own attacks.

Even normally solid Evan Evans struggled to find openings to allow the ball to move forward and the first half saw the sides off to a 0-0 draw. But that changed quickly in the second half as the Golden Wolves struck first. That goal marked the first given up by ASMV thus far.

It would take nearly the entire half to find the equalizer and escape with a draw. And it was once again the reserves who found a way to score. Kendrick Pu, who had replaced Evans, found Leena Draghi, who replaced Alexander, on the far side of the pitch. Her shot was wide but Ali Devincenti, who replaced Iglesias, found the ball and the score.

Word is now beginning to circulate that draghi and Devincenti will be moved into the starting lineup in order to provide an earlier spark for the Sea Dragons who have been relying on 2nd half heroics to pull them through.

Next is a trip to a very capable but struggling Lisburn Mateys. The Sea Dragons should be able to control the match’s flow with their defensive style, but scoring may yet again become an issue.

Group 11 roundup.
NMS reclaimed the top spot by way of a 3-1 win over Lisburn Mateys.
Ulyanovia continues to hold on to 3rd following a 0-0 draw with Geisenfried
Ashterrus and The Footie Dream Team drew 1-1

Friends Watch
Cuation continued to struggle, dropping 3-5 to Haraki in a high scoring match
Tadjikistan crushed Kirstiriera 4-1
Dorian and Sonya were tough in a 1-2 loss at Rejistania
Milchama also continues to struggle after a 2-4 loss to Chicanada
Ariddia looked sharp in a 2-0 thrashing of Wentland

From the KaMaRi Update - News that matters

Unicorns can not match "Tahiakan'ny"

When coach Seletarakeledira Hanselijimijile heard that the Dorian and Sonya team called itself the unicorns and reporters asked him wether this name is a bit too frightening, Hanselijimijile'he said: "If they are the Unicorns, we are the Tahiakan'ny!" The term "Tahiakan" refers to a monster in rejistanian mythology. Due to higher magic it was invincible to any attack by men and women. The match against the unicorns was scheduled to take place in the Estadije Sike Veran in the Rejistanian capital Sike kali. High Priest Haxada and the Queen of Dorian and Sonya, Her Majesty Sonya Sabre, attended the match.

The match would have been good if one person would have decided not to ruin it. This person was referee Eugène Desnoyer. The referee and his linesmen from the country of Commerce Heights were apparently blind to offside positions of both teams. The Orange-Blues took the lead early when defender Manatha~e Hihtaka~o decided to advance with the team in a quick attack and somehow redirected a shot of Syku Lyku Sikane'tes past Daniella Riskin into the left corner of the goal. This was in the 14th minute. The Orange-Blues did not defend now as if they were System Karelan but went for the 2:0. The Tahiakan'ny had numerous chances, however Riskin'he was in world class form and could save those, who were dangerous.

In the second half, some tactical substitutions made the Unicorns come into play better. They had some chances and they managed somehow to equalize. Altáriël Telperiën shot the ball onto the inner part of the post from where the ball reflected into the goal. TV-pictures showed that Altáriël Telperiën was offside but the capitalizt linesman did not see it or did not want to see it due to sheer and utter Takilaness.

The Rejistanians wanted the 3 points and so, Hanselijimijile'he decided for a "Kiikii": He made all three substitutions at the same time and drastically changed the style of playing from a 5-4-1 to an attacking 4-4-2. The Rejistanian team suffered a bit from confusion, however they now were able put pressure on the Unicorns, which eventually payed off when Xtesa Kiru scored from a free kick. 2:1 was the final score.

A Matching Title!
The "New Hyppos" Struggle in Qualifying, with Losses to Ulyanovia and New Montreal States

AJER, YAFOR 2 - The results are in. A research team in the respected nation of Milchama has found the answer to one of the most important questions in the history of the World Cup; who is the successor to the all-time unlucky team (who made Hell freeze over) Hypocria? The Hyppos of Hypocria are legendary for their losses to weaker teams, their continued efforts, and their good nature. But they qualified last World Cup and since then, have retired from the tournament. The stage is set for a new team to take their title.

It is a prestigious award indeed. Legions of teams from across the globe reached forward, clamoring for recognition for their failures. Several indicated interest in voting others into the role, and the others were often indulgent in that regard. At last, the long list was narrowed down to two contenders, two nations who were very good choices for the award. Both had been around for quite a time, both were accomplished at, well, failure, and both were very interested in the proceedings.

In the end, it came down to a head-to-head with The Lowland Clans and Yafor 2. Both had been around since World Cup 24 and so were veterans in the circuit of not succeeding. A brief look saw both missing by very small margins – a few points one time, a little bit of goal differential another. Finally, after long deliberation, the award was given to the Golden Wolves of Yafor 2! The captain of the Golden Wolves, Hares Dalermo, upon hearing that his team had received the award, reportedly said, “Hmm…now we’ve got a choice. Do we keep failing or do we try and win, losing us the title of ‘New Hypocria’?”

The Golden Wolves have a lot not to be proud of. This World Cup, they have performed abysmally, taking the traditional “third seed failure” to a new low. According to several statisticians in Casari (who, albeit, were rather inebriated at the time of their interview), the Golden Wolves will most probably finish at the bottom of their group, recalling ancient failures of nations long passed. Has this ever occurred? As soon as the question was posed, the aforementioned statisticians fell asleep, though due to the question or to drink it was not clear.

The Golden Wolves have a few things that are looking up for them. Against the Sea Dragons if Andossa Se Mitrin Vega, another member of the “underachievers club” that Hypocria was admitted to but the Yaforites were not, the managed to draw the second seeds in their group 1-1. After the first half, it was 0-0, upon which an early goal by Prince Sebard (he dribbled through the Sea Dragon defense and scored with a touch on him) brought delight to the Yaforite fans. The look to succeed in the upcoming games against such opponents as Geisenfried, Lisburn Mateys, and Ashterrus. They have their first games against the higher seeds done, but can they capitalize? If not, the Women will dominate the media as they enter the quarterfinal once more.

Ariddia maintains momentum

After a humiliating defeat to Jeruselem, Ariddia today faced Wentland, the other main contender in Group 14, on home ground at Haven-Port-Nouveau Stadium. With Kyaw no longer playing, the Rouge-et-Noirs were deprived of their top scorer, and many were wondering who would replace her. Coach Evgheny Melenciuc placed Cyril Lange – great-grandson of famed West Ariddian player Lily Mayantar – among the starting midfielders, then switched him for Chloé al Safi in the seventy-seventh minute. It appears there may be no permanent starter in Kyaw’s place, but that instead Lange, al Safi, Teh and Senaya will take turns playing in her slot.

Ariddia’s players in red and black faced Wentland’s in grey and red, and eager spectators were hoping for a lot of goals. Wentland’s three attackers, Barnes, Cooper and Treves, would be matched by Ariddia’s three, Faraj, Ramirez and U. Behind, Wentland’s three midfielders, Loder, Weston and Kent, would also be dangerous, as would Ariddia’s Ta I, Eosh, Sanjeeb and Lange.

For the first ten minutes or so, the attack came primarily from the Ariddian side, and only a superb save by Dennis Tracey prevented Ul U from opening the score in the seventh minute. In the tenth, a good tackle by Wentland defender Robert Tanner snatched the ball from Sanjeeb’s feet just in time, and Bateson cleared it. After that, Wentland was anything but passive, and Ariddia’s defenders were put to the test in turn. In the eighteenth minute Leduc deflected one of the best shots in the Cup so far, a ball framed by Cooper right towards the top right-hand corner of the net. Leduc conceded a corner kick, despite her amazing save, and, after a few chaotic and tense moments in front of her goal cage, Kent kicked the ball at close range, defeating the Ariddian goalkeeper. Fortunately, Tim Wald saved it right on the line, and Ariddia’s supporters were able to breathe again.

It was still 0-0 at half-time. Not for long. Clémentine Ramirez scored the opening goal in the fifty-third minute, after Wentland’s defenders had struggled to clear the ball from the danger zone. In the seventy-first minute, controversy broke out as Faraj committed a foul on Wentland defender Tanner, pulling him back while U advanced towards Dennis Tracey’s goal cage. The referee mistakenly handed a yellow card to John Sanjeeb and, as it was his second in the match, showed him a red. The entire Ariddian team protested vigorously, team captain Sandrine Leduc even leaving her goal cage and running all the way up the field to insist that the referee had got it wrong. But there was nothing to be done. Sanjeeb was sent off, a furious expression on his face, and Faraj was shown a yellow for losing his (notoriously short) temper against the referee; Leduc had to hold her team mate back and calm him. As the crowd booed the referee continuously, the match continued.

Tempers lessened somewhat in the eightieth minute, as a corner kick resulted in a second goal for Ariddia, scored by Ta I after a pass by freshly arrived al Safi. And there the score remained, Ariddia grabbing another three points, and moving back up into second place thanks to Khenas’ 1-2 loss to Artoonia. The Rouge-et-Noirs exchanged friendly handshakes with their opponents after the match. Their next encounter, of course, will be on Wentland home ground.

“We’ve won all three of our home matches so far, and we haven’t conceded a single goal in any of them,” team captain Leduc said, pleased, after the game. “We’re doing well, but we’re not going to become complacent. It’s still much too early to predict what’s going to happen.”

She added that Sanjeeb’s suspension was “a disgrace”. “I can understand him being angry. We all are. We really need to institute video feedbacks in refereeing to correct injustices like these.”

Also in Group 14, Jeruselem defeated Elrich comfortably by four goals to one. Elsewhere, Bedistan delighted home fans with a goalfest, thrashing Magnus Valerius 6-1. Andossa Se Mitrin Vega hold on to their second place despite a one-all draw against Yafor 2. The little known team from Dingzanwa did their country proud by beating Carlitistia away by 4-0. And fans in Fmjphoenix will probably be partying all night after their team put on a magnificent show on home soil, beating Mr. Chuck Norris by eight goals to one.

Elven Times
Marauders in Good Spirits

Well a day after a nice win against System Karela the Marauders are in good spirits. The team was seen having good laughs while at the pratice pitch this morning with even Coach Florintine giving a chuckle or two. When asked about realistic chances of qualfying, he was serious but optimistic.

"Well it is going to be quite difficult. Honestly I see us finishing between 3rd and 5th. We're just not that expierenced on the international stage outside of our region, and that will most likely hurt us when we go into the last few games and on the road. With that said, it would be great for the ESF if we did manage to qualify in our first go round, but if we don't, at least we will be setting a good foundation for the next Cup team."

The players too had this cheery mood, and despite our best efforts, we couldn't seperate Kyla and Zacharius long enough to get an interview done. Followers of the national team shouldn't be too suprised at this as it has been rumored that the two have been going out the last year and a half. Perhaps there will be wedding bells in the future and some great kids, who obviously would be knock out talents on the pitch.

Scoring for the Marauders have been tough on the road and that is going to have to change in their next match against Cuation if they hope to get a result. The team will be flying there later in the day, and will hope to bring about a good performance in their qualfying run. Here is a look at the goal scorers for the team thus far.

Goals Scored
Kyla Night - 4
Zacharius - 2
Nikali Rikard - 1
Harden Swent - 1

With the latest news and rumors from the pitch, this is Ron Santapa signing off.

'Good evening dear viewers and welcome to Sportweekend, the only sportsprogram with national coaches as guests, I am Simon Orlitsa, your host and today I have invited Bahrom Sadirov to the studio who was interim coach for one match with his brother Rezvon. Mr Sadirov welcome to the studio.'

'Hello Simon, Its nice to be here after all these years'

'How long ago was it now? 10? Who decided to contact you for this job?'

'Appearantly, the Tadjik National Football Federation couldnt decide on a proper replacement and thus they hired someone for just a match or two. There just wasnt enough time to find a good replacement and they went with the most obvious choice, the only coaches whom ever reached the Quarterfinals with the Tigers.'

'Why not stick around and go to the World Cup?'

'Oh no, we've already been there three times, now we have retired and we only want to enjoy our lives. We did make an exception here for Zaev and the team, as we personally hoped Alexander Zaev would return sooner.

'But he isnt, He suffered a heartattack while on the road, missed a turn and ended up in that ravine. Its already a miracle that he is still alive, though the question is whether he will survive. After surgery he fell into a coma and thats it. He wont be coming back soon.'

'Well Simon, some say he will never return but lets not get caught in that pessimistic spirale and look forward, pray for his recovery and in the mean time, focus on the national team which has won its match against Kirstiera.'

'4-1, an excellent result!'

'Indeed, it was an excellent result, especially when you know that we havent coached any team in years. But you dont forget stuff like this. On the other hand, I think we owe this victory to the supporters, they stood as one man behind the team. It motivated the players. There was one player in particular for whom this was an important match, Tulberdiev had already missed part of the qualification matches and now that he returned he had too make up for that absence.'
'Tulberdiev scored two of Tadjikistans four goals and gave one assist to Zyrianov for Tadjikistans third goal.'

'And we saw one more goal by Berzarin, on a cornershot. This match was in no way comparable to that in The Kazoo Peoples.'

'I was not going to take the same mistake, never underestimate your opponent or have we forgotten Georgonia - Tadjikistan in WC27, a 1-0 loss? I certainly havent. With Tulberdiev returning our striker trio was back in full force and the Kirstirierans have witnessed it.'

'And what now with the national team?'

'I heard rumours about a new appointment, Pjotr Monhakyiev was named as sucessor, especially with Blagoja Samblevski's refusal earlier this week. And personally I think thats an excellent choice. Monhakyiev has international experience from such tournaments as the NSFA Cup and he's been a coach for years. Also, Monhakyiev can easily adapt to a new situation, which is essential in this job.'

'He'll get the opportunity to adapt, with the coming matches away against Ozzelia, Dicuban, Iansisle and Nedalia. But first; Molvania! A prediction, Bahrom?'

'Its an away match with a new coach at the helm, but we have a pretty good team so I'd say; 0-1 for Tadjikistan.'

'Lets hope you are right.'



Fixtures:
MD1: Tadjikistan - Iansisle W 3-0
MD2: Tadjikistan - Nedalia W 2-0
MD3: The Kazoo Peoples - Tadjikistan L 1-2
MD4: Tadjikistan - Kirstiriera W 4-1
MD5: Molvania - Tadjikistan
MD6: Ozzelia - Tadjikistan
MD7: Dicuban - Tadjikistan
MD8: Iansisle - Tadjikistan
MD9: Nedalia - Tadjikistan
MD10: Tadjikistan - The Kazoo Peoples
MD11: Kirstiriera - Tadjikistan
MD12: Tadjikistan - Molvania
MD13: Tadjikistan - Ozzelia
MD14: Tadjikistan - Dicuban

Tadjik Topscorers
Tulberdiev - 3
Zyrianov - 2
Berzarin - 1
Elisarov - 1
Nabiyev - 1
Yarygin - 1

The Bloco'yce Bulletin


EXCELLENT!

Well, The Team has been beaten again, by the NSSR, which surprised everyone by bringing weaponry of their own onto the Pitch, to meet The Team's own arsenal. Unfortunately for everyone involved, The Team didn't actually show up, and are rumoured to be hiding out in a small, smelly, and utterly foreign little country in the smelliest, most foriegn part of the Pacific.

Other than that, this game was probably the most exciting match so far, as The NSSR attemted to play against themselves, in order to keep the fans in their seats. However, as the match drew into its second half, fans from the stands began to trickle onto the pitch, and took up positions where The NSSR's team should have been. The NSSR won by losing to their own fans, with a score of 2-0, which is a really complicated concept to get ones head around, especially because The NSSR's team isn't nearly as bad as The Team, which, if they had any fans, would certainly lose a match like this.

We've also recieved rumours that Milchama, which has always been something of an ally to Raging Penguins and its government, has been supportive of The Team, a move which has been seen by many officials as a possible declaration of war, an attempt to undermine the government of Raging Penguins, or perhaps a rather creative invitation to tea on sunday.
More updates whenever we feel like it.

Dear diary,

I'm scared...I'm very scared...the results are so not going our way...not to mention I'm starting to have to contend with injuries to key players...not to mention unnecessary suspensions...already Charles and Ramon are out of the next game...

For the first time I'm really starting to feel that my job is under threat...if I don't qualify this time...that's it for me in this job...

...the stress is on...better make sure I win this next game...

D

"Keep it tight, guys..."

"Blimey, they won't let up..."

"Watch Ul!!"

"Dammit..."

"Well saved Den..."

"Oh-oh, Sanjeeb's through..."

"Oh...GREAT tackle Bertie."

"Right, it's about time we set about them..."

"Gooo on, Adey..."

"Frankie's free..."

"Nutter wants! Nutter wants!!!"

"Here you go..."

"GOOOAA- ohhh, HOW did she get to THAT?????"

"Heads up, we've still got a corner..."

"Great header...Cosmo!!!"

"Ohh, off the bloody line..."

***

Half-time. "Going well, boys. A point suits us. How did that guy clear Cosmo's shot?"

***

"Blimey, what've they had at half-time?"

"Wish we had some."

"Clear it!!!"

"Oh no..."

"Who's marking the number 2???"

***

"Bertie - U's free!!"

"I've got him cov...heyyyy!!!!"

"Who was that?"

"Dunno...I wasn't looking..."

"It was Sanjeeb!! He's off!!!"

"Was it? They think it was Faraj..."

"I never noticed..."

"It was number 1-something...could have been either, I was watching the ball..."

"The goalie's gone berserk..."

"CONCENTRATE!!!!"

"Come on...let's hit them now..."

"Gooo on Cosmo...hit one..."

"Ohh...good try..."

"Watch the overlap..."

"Good tackle Bertie...watch the corner..."

"Flick on..."

"WATCH 17!!!!!"

"Bloody hell..."

***

"Never mind, lads...still in our hands...let's get at Sliponia and muller 'em."

"And," added Ginger Collins, "you've got something to prove..."

The KOOL Report at the World Cup 29

Debbie does Elrich

OK, I know some people here have seen that pr0n movie so you can work out the title. Debbie is a real person, Debbie Dallas the Jeruselem World cup 29 captain and captain of all Women's world cup teams too. Oh, it's not a bad movie either :D

Well, Jeruselem played Elrich today. Never played them before and well, didn't learn much either. Debbie Dallas lead the Crusaders to an easy 4-1 over Elrich with the captain showing how to control a midfield. She was central to the Jeruselem attack with excellent distribution and making the Elrich team work for possession. The defense did concede one goal through slackness but that was when we were 4-0 over the Elrich team. The tuned Jeruselem attack did it's job and made the Elrich keeper work hard all day.

Ariddia inflicted a loss on Wentland. Their 2-0 win over the previously unbeaten Wentland was the tonic for the loss to us and Wentland had trouble breaking down the Arridian defenses. Wentland tried and tried but the Arridians overran them with skill and determination. Now our win over Ariddia was really good if you see this result as they are a GOOD team as Wentland denied us 3 points last game.

Artoonia did something right! 2nd placed Khenas crashed to the Artoonians 1-2 and got 3 valuable points after getting trashed by everyone else so far. Khenas should have done better but the Artoonians showed they are not always a floormat for ranked teams.

Mahaliastan didn't slip on the Sliponia floormat today. Sliponia lost 0-1 in close game but Mahaliastan have trouble scoring more than one goal per game anyway. Anyway Mahaliastan has a win and won't be sitting on the bottom of the table now.

Group 14
Jeruselem 4:1 Elrich
Ariddia 2:0 Wentland
Khenas 1:2 Artoonia
Sliponia 0:1 Mahaliastan

The table! Jeruselem lead Arridia with Khenas holding onto a top 3 position. Wentland are 4th but they have the 2nd best goal difference here. Sliponia slipping backwards to last while Elrich look dismal 2nd last. Just looking at goal differences, it's clear the top 3 seeds can score goals while others struggle a little in that department. We can see why Khenas is 3rd, DEFENSE. We have a pattern here and the gulf between the top teams and the others will increase as the top 3 seeds have played each other now.


Group 14 GP W T L PTS GD GF GA
Jeruselem 4 3 1 0 10 9 11 2
Ariddia 4 3 0 1 9 6 9 3
Khenas 4 2 1 1 7 1 5 4
Wentland 4 1 2 1 5 3 8 5
Artoonia 4 1 2 1 5 -2 5 7
Mahaliastan 4 1 1 2 4 -5 2 7
Elrich 4 0 2 2 2 -4 3 7
Sliponia 4 0 1 3 1 -8 0




ONE ALL was the theme for our friends in Group 6. Ianisisle gained one point with Ozzelia (whoever they are). The Lions had trouble with a team with a KOOL name - The Kazoo Peoples. They should have won but the Kazoo folks kept out the lions for a draw.

Group 6
Nedalia 1:1 The Kazoo Peoples
Iansisle 1:1 Ozzelia

Hockey Canada trashed another team again, same story. Same score as Jeruselem too!

Group 9
Hockey Canada 4:1 Anastasiania

“Hello everyone and welcome to Tynelian Soccer Weekly’s continuing coverage of World Cup 29. Today Tynelia on paper produced the biggest win of their international career with a 1-0 shutout of 17th ranked top seed Praying2god. However it is clear the Praying2god club is not all here just yet as they still show signs of trying to deal with the terrorist attack made against them just before matchday 1 which does take away from the win. I’m Sal Spikeman and with me as always is Anna Dalespin. Draws were the order of the day in much of the rest of the group other than Quackmybush’s offensive explosion against Krajkovia with a 4-1 win. The second and third seeds Rordia and McPsychoville, Tynelia’s next two opponents battled to a1-1 draw and if the shootout of the day the Atheistic Right and Bothen battled to a 3-3 draw. So Anna, the team looking to be recovering well from a slow stop.”

“Yes Sal, ironically, for all the gloom and doom many people including myself had about this team after four matches the team finds itself at 2-1-1 which is where most people expected them to be at this point. Of course the teams the wins and losses were gained against are completely unexpected but all in all Tynelia isn’t that bad off at this point. This total has them at 7 points and alone in third only a point behind the Atheistic Right for second. Of course they are only one point ahead of newcomers Quackmybush who have surprised a few people early on. But with Praying2god in the cellar with only one point this could be the most wide open group of them all now as the top seeds really need to bounce back strong to catch everyone ahead of them. Though under the circumstances maybe they should be given a mulligan for this Cup as soccer is surely not the first thing on their minds still.”

“Very true Anna. As for today’s game, it was a strong defensive effort by both sides which resulted in a scoreless first half. It wasn’t until the 78th minute when Anya Collins finally broke through and produced the only score of the match off a corner kick by Andy Martins. Total number of shots were fairly low here 11-10 in favor of Praying2god with only 3 shots on either side that could be called quality shots. Time of possession was also very close with Tynelia holding a mere minute and a half edge. Still a much needed win for the team here with group leading McPsychoville who have yet to lose up next as Tynelia finally comes home after their three match road trip. But before we get into that lets see how the rest of the top seeds did today with Mike McPhee. Hello Mike.”

“Hello Sal. Praying2god wasn’t the only Top Gun of their group which suffered a defeat today. Audioslavia fell to Becquerlia by the same score Tynelia won by though for the most part the top seeds won fairly convincingly. You can tell which of the top squads are getting their flow going well. In fact there were two 6-1 drubbings, Bedistan over Magnus Valerius and Squornshelous over Rorysville but neither of these were bad enough to take the drubbing of the day title from Fmjphoenix who showed Mr.Chuck Norris what other people felt when they tried to fight him in his movies with a demoralizing 8-1 destruction of the action star’s squad. To show how crazy the scoring was this wasn;t even the highest scoring match of the day either, that goes to the Bostopia-Green Wombat match where the Wombats fell 6-4 in a game where defense took the day off. But that’s all from here Sal, the Top Guns started acting like it today which is bad news for the teams they have to face from now on.”

“Ok thanks Mike, goals aplenty on the field today it looks like Anna. Now looking ahead how do you think Tynelia will match up against McPsychoville that has yet to lose through four matches? And the rest of the group as well?”

“This should be the toughest challenge for Tynelia given the state of mind of the Praying2god team when we faced them. MyPsychoville has been rolling along steadily throughout the group play so far. However despite their record they haven’t really been beating anyone too badly. In fact they’ve only scored one more goal that Tynelia while allowing the same. Both teams clearly stress defense and counterattacking so far so this should be a very low scoring match. Since Tynelia is due for a scoreless match I think this may be the time but I think it will be enough as the match ends in a 0-0 draw. As for the rest of the group, Rordia takes on bottom seed Quackmybush who is actually ahead of Rordia in the standings so far. This one should be closer than it looks on paper but I think the third seed will get away with a 1-0 win. Praying2god still tries to put the terrorist attack behind them and get their first win against second place Atheistic Right. The Right has slowed down a bit with a pair of draws against teams they should have beaten so this could be a sign of their cooling off. Still they are playing better than the top seeds so I think this will continue as Praying2god falls 2-1 here. Finally Krajkovia and Bothen match up with both teams trying to avoid the cellar. Bothen has actually been a bit steadier so far and so I think they will come out on top 2-1 in a mild upset.”

“Well Ok Anna, any match we get points from is never a bad thing even if we may lose some ground if the Right wins. But now that we have a bit of momentum going again the schedule gets easier after this so there should be time to bounce back and make up some more ground. Be sure to tune in here on TSW for our live coverage of the match with McPsychoville which could be with a Tynelian win, the match that might give us first place depending on how the Atheistic Right fares. Then stay with us as Anna and I break things down after the matches are concluded. Until then this is Sal Spikeman for Anna Dalespin wishing everyone a good night.”

"...this is NOPE 102.7, sports radio for Ville-Marie. Coming up, we have a call-in interview with Mets coach Greg Ponson over what will happen now that the infighting within the organization has decreased to the point where employees no longer need to bring concealed firearms to work, but first we've got your comments on the Paladin's recovery from the 2-0 shocker over in New Montreal. First up we've got Gilles from St-Marc-les-Hauebois. Gilles, you're live on the air."

"I'd just like to comment on how William Branstone has managed to light a fire under his team's ass these past two games. Watching the Paladins has been a pleasure - they really are firing on all cylinders."

"What about those calls for Branstone's resignation?"

"Forget that. If the man will re-up for another four years, take him. My only concern is that Audioslavia might try to out-bid us to get him to turn them around."

"Joining now we have Hubert from downtown on the line. Hubert, you're live."

"Gilles is full of crap. Branstone needs the boot for losing to HC, I've been saying that all along, and Villeneuve needs to pack it in, he's old, he's decrepit, and he owes me fifty bucks."

"I paid you back."

"In totally inflated yen."

"So? You could've spent it within the next twenty minutes or so."

"You did it at the start of our flight back to New Montreal. What the heck was I supposed to use it for?"

"Toilet paper?"

"Very funny."

"Guys, we are live on the air here..."

"Sorry."

"And joining us now we have William, a tourist visiting our fair city who just couldn't resist the urge to join in. William?"

"Both you jokers get off the radio NOW! And don't think I won't remember that bit about me getting the sack either, Labranche."

"Very funny, coach."

*sound of two phones hanging up*

"Honestly, just because you're a pair of star forwards for the national side, doesn't mean you can abandon all pretense of dignity, now does it?"

"Wait, what? You mean you really ARE William Branstone and those were Gilles Villeneuve and Hubert Labranche on the line?"

*sound of third phone hanging up*

"Wait, wait, come back, I want interviews or something...dang it. We'll be right back after the break."

Chuck Norris News
For All Of Your Fighting Norris Coverage

Mr Chuck Norris 1 (John Fedo 11)
Fmjphoenix 8 (Mike Nolan 15, 29, 44)(Ridley Silverlake 36)(Selphie Timmett 47)(Jack Russell 51, 67, 83)

Must we elaborate... isn't the scoreline enough for you beasts? Yes all of you viewers, this defeat smashed the 2-5 World Cup 27 beating encountered from Liverpool England. This defeat even surpassed the 0-4 loss to Turori later in that World Cup for the worst loss in Fighting Norris World Cup history. Beyond that, it also managed to beat out both the 2-7 loss to Wentland and the 1-6 loss to The Islands of Qutar in the second Draggonnii Inviyatii tourney in Andossa Se Mitrin Vega as the worst defeat in Fighting Norris international history. Congratulations to Fmjphoenix for not only completely embarrassing a nation, but demoralizing an entire civilization. Let's get onto the review:

Observing the formations between Fmjphoenix and the Fighting Norris, one sees little difference. Both have three defenders, four midfielders, and three forwards. The only difference is the the Fighting Norris keep Chuck Norris as a "spearpoint forward", which essential means he's on the offense at all times. He's always the man downfield. So looking at the formations, it looked to be an even match. However, the Fighting Norris walked into Fmjphoenix's stadium only to find that the crowd was utterly dominated by Fmjphoenix fans, with very few Fighting Norris faithful in sight. Judging by the poor performance in the Fighting Norris' previous match against Warrior Treblah, this match was going to end the furthest thing from happily... and indeed it did.

The first ten minutes, displayed what seemed to be almost a lazy Fmjphoenix side, with possession dominated by the Fighting Norris forwards. After a load of ball movement, Chuck Norris launched one at the goal, only to see it tipped out of bounds by Fmjphoenix's goalkeeper Justin Keys, awarding the Fighting Norris with a corner kick. In flawless fasion, Chuck Norris hooked the ball up into the air. There was much movement in the box, but nothing illeagal. Finally, the ball returned to earth, or more specifically, John Fedo's head, which directed the ball in the direction of the goal. It was the 11th minute and the Fighting Norris were beating 9th-ranked Fmjphoenix by a score of 1-0.

However, this goal seemed to flip a switch on as the Fmjphoenix side was suddenly imersed with energy. Almost instantaneously after play resumed, Fmjphoenix was in a state of berserk, advancing the ball at incomprehensible speeds down toward the Fighting Norris goal. The mediocre Fighting Norris defense was suddenly surrounded and doomed. Mr. Bednarik was suddenly barraged with an onslaught of shots. Many were just blocked, reflected back out into play, but it just wasn't enough. Captain Mike Nolan began the trip to hell with a score in the 15ht minute. Upon the scoring of the goal, the Fmjphoenix side seemed to relax and return to a state of normalcy, but far from the state of laziness they had been in for the first 10 minutes of the match.

They continued to dominate possession as the match progressed, embarassing several Fighting Norris players in thier advances. Scoring goal after goal after goal after goal after goal after goal... after goal. Next thing the Fighting Norris knew, the final whistle was being blown and the scoreboard showed Fmjphoenix 8:1 Mr Chuck Norris. They had been shown up and utterly ravished by the Fmjphoenix side. How are they to respond to such a bad beating... the answer has not yet been presented. The Fighting Norris' next match against Schiavonia seems to be the only answer. Perhaps if they can learn to play some football before then, they will encounter some redemption. However, if they suffer a beating as bad as this one, the worst is yet to come. Good luck to the Fighting Norris, because you guys really need some.

The Schedule of The Fighting Norris for World Cup 29
Matchday 1: Vs Northern Caesarea (Draw 2-2)
Matchday 2: At Risa-Aramour (Win 3-2)
Matchday 3: At Warrior Treblah (Loss 0-1)
Matchday 4: At Fmjphoenix (Loss 1-8)
Matchday 5: Vs Schiavonia
Matchday 6: Vs Vuam and Isma
Matchday 7: At Zychibastan
Matchday 8: At Northern Caesarea
Matchday 9: Vs Risa-Aramour
Matchday 10: Vs Warrior Treblah
Matchday 11: Vs Fmjphoenix
Matchday 12: At Schiavonia
Matchday 13: At Vuam and Isma
Matchday 14: Vs Zychibastan

The Fighting Norris' World Cup 29 Record: (1-1-2)