World Cup 27 RP Thread [Archive] - Page 4

The Lowland Clans

22-03-2006, 16:57

GRAHAM CITY SUN - Sports Section
WITH AUTHORITY

GRAHAM CITY - With a game in hand after watching the Rolatians get absolutely destroyed by the Stars regionmates of Turori, Westley Stjepan was nervous. "I cannot hide it. this game is perhaps the biggest of my career with the Stars," he said with a nervous chuckle and smile on his face. The Allied States were facing Yafor 2, which they had beaten 3-1 away first half of qualifying. The Stars had to win this game in order to remain in the World Cup qualifying race, or they would once again be relegated to the scrapheap of the Cup of Harmony. "It's amazing, the feelings this game brings out," said star forward Nicolae Foma, "I'm playing for my country, and the pride that comes with being a World Cup qualifier, to be one of the best teams in the world. How can that not be one of the defining moments of my career?"

The Stars took the field amid a sea of white and navy blue, with fans cheering each one of the teams players as they entered the pitch. Captain Quentin Mackallen said he nearly melted to the floor in anticipation. "This game could define my career, and I'm not about to let it go," he said before the game. The Stars opened very shaky, playing with such enormous pressure, while not new, was none the less intimidating. "It took us a while to work out the kinks," said Stjepan, "but I was incredibly pleased with the way our team performed after the first ten minutes." Those first ten were disastrous. After a mediocre game last week against Turori, Stjepan caused a lot of furor with his decision to start Xavier Nathanson the starting spot over Graham Mackenzie. The critics though Nathanson had proved them right when after another horrible giveaway pass in the midfield, the Yaforian striker took it past the stunned defence and crossed it to a charging midfielder, who dove towards the ball, and headed it past Heath Porter.

But that seemed to wake up the Stars. "It was strangely relieving. Like, a burden was lifted, that the pressure was off. I can't describe it, but it's like we had been given a chance to prove ourselves," said wingback Nomiki Kyriakos, and prove themselves they did. The Stars went into overdrive after that play, tying it up on a beautiful counter-attack. Nathanson received a blocked pass, and began sprinting up the sidelines. He made a beautiful move on the Yaforian defender, and was able to get alone in the corner, where he crossed it right onto the foot of Nicolae Foma. Foma blasted it home, and the crowd roared so loud that it shattered windshields of cars parked in the parking lot. The Stars continued to apply the pressure, with Keefe Lavrentios and Ryley Bloudin both striking the post.

The second half opened just as well. As the Stars continued their merciless attack, you could tell that the stadium was beginning to feel a crescendo. Something in the air just made the fans sense the possiblity of a victory that would put their future into their own hands. Soon, it became clear that this premonition was to become true. Nathanson wowed critics with his dazzling skill with a beautiful run up the pitch, where he made a give and go with Phillip Konstantinoppolis, and played a beautiful one-timer off of that give-and-go, and placed it just inside the post and past the outstretched hands of the keeper. The stadium went berserk. He dropped to his knees and raised his hands to the sky.

"We're still alive," said Heath Porter after the game, "and I plan on keeping it that way."

The Stars need a win over the Allied Anime Worlds, and the Rolatians to be defeated by the same Yafor 2 squad that the Stars beat today.

"I belive we can do it, but my only worry is the Yaforians," said Stevan Dagan, after the game.

Our prayers our with the squad and the Yaforians, and maybe this time fate is on our side.

Cataduanes

22-03-2006, 17:57

ISLANDERS SEAL HOME VICTORY

With the qualifacation process drawing to an end the Islanders have kept there hopes alive with a 4-1 victory over Tonissia at the Estadio Nacional.

In the first 25 minutes the visitors pilled on the pressure as the nervous home crowd looked on, and on the 25th minute the Visitors took the lead as a mistaken backpass by Lopez Cerro was intercepted by the opposition number 10 and who chipped it over Adolfo Mumbalo to make it 1-0. However rather than crumble the Cataduaños galvainsed and began to invite the visitors on and hitting ont eh break, through the classic counter attack the home side equalized on the 40th minute with a goal from Guarin.

After the half time break Tonissia began to hold back looking to hit Cataduanes on the break themselves however the Islander resorted to patient possesion play and this paid off with Ruedas securing a goal in the 53rd minute, this lead was further increased in the 62nd minute with a blistering 30 yard volley from Souletano. At this point the visitors began to play 11 men behind the ball in an attempt at damage limitation and the match descended into a midfield war of attrition with 6 yellow cards being given in total within twenty minutes however this was soon ended with a 4th goal for the Islanders in the 89th minute when Corino put in a pinpoint cross that was duly converted by the substitute Jose Maharbal.

As regards the group standings the result leaves the Islanders in a good position to go on to the play offs, Crystilakere and Spruitland having already sealed the automatic spots. Only Cataduanes, Anthematic Rep and Solar Assoc are still in the running and the chances look good.

Pos Team P W D L GF GA GD Pts
1 Crystilakere 15 12 1 2 43 13 30 37
2 Spruitland 15 9 4 2 40 23 17 31
3 Anathematic Republics 15 7 4 4 22 23 -1 25
4 Cataduanes 15 7 2 6 28 25 3 23
5 The Solar Association 15 7 1 7 20 24 -4 22
6 Tonissia 15 5 3 7 30 36 -6 18
7 Dance 2 Revolution 15 4 1 10 15 28 -13 13
8 Nebuleux 15 3 3 9 18 29 -11 12
9 UN Peacekeepers 16 3 3 10 14 29 -15 12

However this is football and anything can happen, no doubt the millions of viewers back home in Cataduanes and across the UNFR region will be biting there nails until the end of matchday 18. On a postive note Andres Chavicano is fully fit and looks set to start in the mfinal fixture of the qualifacation stages, his return will be a boost to the side who at times have certainly struggled without his presence in the middle of the park.

Becquerelia

22-03-2006, 20:32

(OOC: Wondering about Becquerelia's roster, uniforms, home stadium, or whatever? Well wonder no more, and head to Becquerelia's roster post (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=10526289&postcount=63).)

And we turn back around to see what's behind us:

http://www.geocities.com/becquerelia/images/bnff.gifBecqurelia - (1)__________(4) - Tadjikistanhttp://www.geocities.com/becquerelia/images/tadjikistan.gif

OUCH
Becquerelia Knocked Out Of Playoff Contention In Rout

DUSHANBE, TADJIKISTAN (JNS) - "This has got to be one of the worst days of my life." Assisstant Coach John Meurer said this in passing as the National Team boarded a bus to head to airport. It would be the only words spoken to the press tonight.

It doesn't seem like there was much to say though.

Becquerelia's hopes to make the World Cup were crushed by Tadjikistan and their powerful offense in a 4-1 defeat, the worst in the team's history. Word out of Tadjikistan before the game said that they were eager to help Andossa Se Mitrin Vega make the playoffs, and they played like it.

Tadjikistan seemingly had the game well in hand before Becquerelia even got a good play downfield, controling the ball and pace of the game totally. Captain and Forward Peter Constantine scored in the fifty-second minute, but Tadjikistan refused to give up their attack, and scored two more goals in the seventeith and eighty-fifth minutes.

A obviously unhappy Becquerelia will try to finish off the qualifying round with a victory against Giant Zucchini in their last game.

Becquerelia's Current Results and Upcoming Schedule
Home Team Last
WIN DRAW LOSS

MD01: Becquerelia - 0 Pastorville - 2
MD02: Becquerelia - 0 Green wombat - 1
MD03: Emporer Pudu - 0 Becquerelia - 0
MD04: Lovisa - 1 Becquerelia - 1
MD05: Becquerelia - 0 Androssa Se Mitrin Vega - 2
MD06: BYE
MD07: Georgeonia - 1 Becquerelia - 1
MD08: Tadjikistan - 1 Becquerelia - 1
MD09: Becquerelia - 0 Giant Zucchini - 0
MD10: Pastorville - 1 Becquerelia - 1
MD11: Green wombat - 0 Becquerelia - 3
MD12: Becquerelia - 1 at Emporer Pudu - 0
MD13: Becquerelia - 2 Lovisa - 1
MD14: Androssa Se Mitrin Vega - 1 Becquerelia - 1
MD15: BYE
MD16: Becquerelia - 1 Georgeonia - 0
MD17: Becquerelia - 1 Tadjikistan - 4
MD18: Giant Zucchini (3-4-8) at Becquerelia (4-7-4)

Hypocria

22-03-2006, 20:34

Hyppos Up Into Third

You could have cut the atmosphere with a knife. Inside the City of Hypocrium Stadium 60,000 home fans were watching their side dominate large stretches of the match against Lethislavania but that goal scoring touch was missing. Chances were made and missed as the Hyppos peppered the opposition goal in this crunch Group 4 encounter. That is until this happened . . .

Espartero plays the ball forward to Baxter. The captain picks it up in the centre circle. He comes forward. They’re backing off him. He has a go! Great effort turned away by the keeper. Bercali on the follow-up! Scores!!! Robert Bercali has scored for Hypocria! And how important could that goal be come the final reckoning? Eighty five minutes played and it’s Hypocria one, Lethislavania nil.

The final whistle was greeted by a cheer that rocked the Hypocrium evening. Noise that got even louder as the other group results were announced. But on the bench the celebrations were more understated. A clenched fist was the only sign of celebration from Coach Alex Santoro as he headed down the tunnel. Evidence that the coach is fully aware that his side still haven’t achieved anything. They may now be in the driving seat but the campaign could still end with abject disappointment.

The win lifted the Hyppos from fifth place into that precious playoff place. They leapfrogged Lethislavania and Legalese, who lost 4 – 2 in Krytenia. Elsewhere Sarzonia hammered Palacetonia 6 – 0. While Vuam and Isma’s slim playoff hopes came to an end despite a comprehensive 5 – 1 home win over Revived Constantinople.

Pos Team P W D L GF GA GD Pts
1 Sarzonia 15 15 0 0 58 6 52 45
2 Krytenia 15 10 3 2 40 19 21 33
3 Hypocria 15 7 2 6 18 20 -2 23
4 Lethislavania 15 7 1 7 24 22 2 22
5 Legalese 15 6 2 7 33 32 1 20
6 Vuam and Isma 15 6 1 8 20 26 -6 19
7 Revived Constantinople 16 5 0 11 13 39 -26 15
8 Palacetonia 15 4 2 9 14 37 -23 14
9 Rorysville 15 2 1 12 12 31 -19 7

The Group 4 table makes quite pleasant viewing at the moment but there are still three points left to play for and three teams gunning for that playoff place. But it’s Hypocria that holds third place going into the final game. A win in Palacetonia on the last day would keep the World Cup dream alive. Anything else and an inferior goal difference would likely mean one of the others will take the prize.

The Eagles of Palacetonia have been something of a thorn in the Hyppos side since their emergence before the last World Cup. They stunned the home fans when they won in Drissa four years ago and further frustrated supporters when they held Hypocria’s finest to a goalless draw in Hypocrium earlier in this campaign. But our one win against the Eagles came in their own backyard. A repeat of that is essential. Nothing less will do.

Qualification Schedule

Hypocria v Rorysville (Drissa Sports Arena, Drissa) (2 - 1)
Hypocria v Sarzonia (Hyppodrome, Hypocrium) (1 - 3)
Rest Day
Legalese v Hypocria (1 - 3)
Hypocria v Vuam and Isma (Oceanside Stadium, Pylos) (1 - 1)
Revived Constantinople v Hypocria (2 - 1)
Krytenia v Hypocria (1 – 0)
Lethislavania v Hypocria (0 – 2)
Hypocria v Palacetonia (Hyppodrome, Hypocrium) (0 – 0)
Rorysville v Hypocria (1 – 2)
Sarzonia v Hypocria (3 – 0)
Rest Day
Hypocria v Legalese (Hyppodrome, Hypocrium) (0 – 2)
Vuam and Isma v Hypocria (1 - 2)
Hypocria v Revived Constantinople (Drissa Sports Arena, Drissa) (3 - 0)
Hypocria v Krytenia (Hyppodrome, Hypocrium) (0 - 4)
Hypocria v Lethislavania (City of Hypocrium Stadium, Hypocrium) (1 - 0)
Palacetonia v Hypocria

Cuation

22-03-2006, 21:31

Monks Cheat U...

Wait wrong headline. Remmeber the Goverment wants us to be nice until we see those lot again? Or next World Cup.

Cuation In Play Offs!

Cuation are forced to defend here as the ball is crossed in. Sol Major heads it away, Roy Ferguson plays it up for Rual to chase. Easy header for Al Tynrew to clear but Giovanni header is back towards the goal. Rual On the Volley! Yes! 2-0! Cuation have put Druida to the sword.

Full Time! Cuation have seen off Druida's challenge and results have put Collonie out of contention! Every away fan is flooding onto the pitch! We are so close to the World Cup finals now! Is this 3rd time lucky?

Cuation 2-3 Jeruselem

Cuation seemed suprisingly strong in the first half, Rual Mendiz and Butcher scoring in a good first half show. The real Jeruselem emerged in the second half, great passing play slciing open the defence at will but it was only late on that Cuation conceded the winner. A great but frustrating game for the home fans.

Collonie wasted the chance to become within a point of Cuation, drawing 0-0 away to Kirstiriera. Druida however kept their hopes alive with a shocking 4-2 over the Paladins.

Druida 0-2 Cuation

The Druids have been surging up the group and this game might have been where Cuation lost 3rd place. Cuation set out for a draw from the start, time wasting when they perhaps should have attacked. Yet it was Cuation who took the lead, Cole's long cross flicked on by Tanner yet somehow it crept in with everybody missing it.Well there is some suggestion that a defender accidently knocked it past the keeper so that may explain the matter.

Cuation had 55 minutes left to play and spent it camping inside their own half, seemindly unwilling to try and press the advantage. Mistakes where being made and manager Jude was clearly unhappy. At half time he took off Rio Samba for Giovanni in an attempt to shake things up.

Peter Seamen was in fine form but as the second ticked by, the pressure increased until Roy Ferguson booted the ball up the pitch. A defenders clearance was headed by Giovanni to Rual, who was unmakred outside the box. Trefor Edwards Jr was way to far off his land so Rual's volley looped over him and in!

With Collonie distracted by the war, they lost 4-1 to the Paladins. The top three have been decided and now we party till the play offs. In those two games we may go out but for now, we have a chance to go through.

For the last game, away to Collonie, the reserves will play including Giovanni and Gary Jens. One last win on the road? I'm hoping Druida take fourth place

Wentland

22-03-2006, 23:12

"A somewhat, er, experimental line up, then..."

Final game, nothing to play for, yet again luck not with the Swifts as a strong penalty appeal was turned down at one end only for one to be given within a minute at the other end...instead of 1-0 up it was 1-0 down and dead and buried...

So for the final game at the Hawks Edgar Bluff went for total reserve.

Tewkesbury

R Fletcher

Harris

Wright

Moon

Barton

Ollis

Loder

Devey

Barnes

Hopkins

Worth a punt...after all, the first choice team kept losing to lower-ranked teams that had barely turned up...

Haraki

22-03-2006, 23:33

Vargas had tried to switch up the players early into the first half to allow the Harakian players a break from Starblaydia's 1-0 lead heading into the half. Removing Haraki's two worst midfields, Lawrence Foster and Luke Ford, for Julie Vern and Catherine Veritas Ezaniea, two of Haraki's better offensive midfields, and defenceman Sandy Thorpe for veteran Owen Peterson. The trick worked out somewhat, with a pass from Vern, Haraki's best handler, up to Zendar, who took his shot and Sharp, who got the rebound and got Haraki on the board, and the Hawks had managed to tie the best team in the group for the time being.

However, only five minutes after Haraki's first goal, Starblaydian Durum Rage extended their lead by another goal, and twenty minutes from the end Cherry Garcia extended it further. It looked to be a one-sided Starblaydian victory until a miraculous goal by Veritas Ezaniea, the player voted 'Hardest name to pronounce' on the Hawks' approval survey prior to the beginning of Cup qualifying. Although it was her first on-field time in either Cup qualifying or the Baptism of Fire, she pulled off Haraki's second goal against giants Starblaydia only four minutes from the end. A tense five minutes followed, in which the Hawks tried their hardest to score, but came up short.

The game ended with Harakian hopes low. Not knowing the result of the Spaam-Wentland game yet, the Hawks still had hope for a Spaamanian loss. Having lost to group leaders Starblaydia by only one point was 'a moral victory, if not a statistical one', according to Vargas following the game.

With Spaam's 1-0 victory over Wentland, Haraki were taken out of playoff running. Vargas, of course, spent the next ten minutes cursing, and then going through the history of their losses, isolating a 3-0 loss to Priggdom in the first rotation and a 1-1 tie against Spaam as the two games that cost them the playoff spot.

Haraki play Wentland on the final matchday, in a game that really doesn't matter. With nothing at stake, many of the Harakian reserves are expected to see action, if only so they can say they played in the Cup proper. With that cleared up, Vargas announced that he had already begun planning for the Cup of Harmony.

Mr Chuck Norris

23-03-2006, 01:43

Chuck Norris News
For All Of Your Fighting Norris Coverage

For those who still care about the Fighting Norris, who have no chance to qualify, here's the summary of their most recent match:

Mr Chuck Norris 2 (Chuck Norris 17, 71)
The Belmore Family 2 (Alan Belmore 66, 75)

To be completely honest, our CNN team covering the Fighting Norris have left on vacation leaving a note saying they would be back for the Cup of Harmony. As a result, we don't have any in-depth coverage, but we do have none other than Coach Bob Janney.

"There isn't too much to know about the match, the first half was defense-dominated while the second half was offense-dominated. There really isn't much more to say. However, with one matchday left, we're going to check out the tourney as a whole, starting with:

Group 1
This group is already finished with Jeruselem, New Montreal States, and Cuation grabbing up the three qualifying spots. These teams were ranked first, second, and fourth going into the tourney, respectively.

Group 2
With Total n Utter Insanity and Bettia already ensuring a first second finish, the third spot is the only qualification spot up for grabs. Nanakaland, with 28 points and The Kazoo Peoples, with 26, are the two teams vying for the spot. Nanakaland is at The Weegies and The Kazoo Peoples are at Tynelia. If Nanakaland wins, they qualify. If Nanakaland draw, then The Kazoo Peoples can qualify only with a win. If Nanakaland loses, The Kazoo Peoples must win. Basically, The Kazoo Peoples must win if they want to qualify and they also have to Nanakaland will lose. Both teams are away. I'm not here to make any predictions, only observations. Going into the tourney, the top two ranked teams in the group finished 1-2 in qualifying with three, The Kazoo Peoples, and four, Nanakaland, still battling for third.

Group 3
With the 1 and 2 ranked teams in the group Eauz and Vilita finishing 1-2, third is still open and one of two teams could still take it. Third-ranked in the group Milchama and seventh-ranked in the group Qazox are both looking to take the third spot. Milchama has 25 points while Qazox has 23. With Qazox at home against Vilita and Milchama at Hiiraan, look for Milchama to maintain their third spot and qualify.

Group 4
With 1 and two ranks in the group Sarzonia and Krytenia blowing away the competition, the third qualification spot is all anyone has to hope for. 3, 4, and 5 ranks in the group Hypocria with 23 points, Lethislavania with 22 points and Legalese with 20 points all three teams could still conceivably qualify. With Hypocria at Palacetonia, a lot of things could happen. If Hypocria wins, they qualify indefinatly. However, if they draw, Lethislavania could pass them up with a win over Legalese. If Hypocria loses, the Legalese vs. Lethislavania match becomes the deciding factor. If the two teams draw, Lethislavania qualifies. If Lethislavania wins, Lethislavania still qualifies. The only was Legalese can qualify is if they win this match and Hypocria loses. Best of luck to all three teams.

Group 5
Once again, for the fifth group in a row, the top two ranked teams in the group easily take first and second in the form of Crystilakere and Spruitland. The third spot is between the 3, 5, and 7 ranked teams in the group, Cataduanes (23 points), Anathematic Republics (25 points), and The Solar Association (22 points). So once again, we run into more scenarios. If Anathematic Republics wins against Tonissia, they qualify. If they only manage to forge a draw, Cataduanes can qualify with a win over the disappointing Dance 2 Revolution. If Anathematic Republics lose, then Cataduanes can qualify with a win while The Solar Association can qualify with a Cataduanes loss and a The Solar Association win against Spruitland. Personally, I think Cataduanes will pull this one out for the third qualification spot, but that's just me.

Group 6
Finally! A group where the first/second ranks in the group did not finish 1-2. The Archregimancy ranked THIRD in the group will more than likely finish first with the first ranked Rejistania only taking second. This means the third spot is up for grabs between second in the group Praying2God and fourth in the group Rordia. They currently are all tied up with 25 points, making next week huge for the two teams. Praying2God has a +4 advantage on the goal difference, so if come to a tie, they will more than likely win. With Praying2God coming up on an easy win and Rordia queued up for a match that I wouldn't describe as a gimmie. If both teams win, draw, or lose, Praying2God will most likely qualify on a goal difference. If one team wins and the other doesn't, the winning team qualifies. If neither team wins, then a draw for one team and a loss for the other will give the team with a draw qualification. Praying2God almost certainly has the last spot wrapped up, but it is still very possible for Rordia to pull a miracle and pass them up.

Group 7
Ah yes, our beloved group 7. With Liverpool England and Turori smoking the competition, only the third spot is still open. It's sad that we cannot obtain it, but Rolatia with 23 points, TheSuncoastofFlorida with 20, and The Lowland Clans with 20 can. Rolatia has a match at home against Yafor 2, making it very possible for them to qualify because with a win or draw, the sit in third undisputed and thus qualify. However, if Rolatia loses, The Lowland Clans can still qualify as can TheSuncoastofFlorida, who won't because they're against Liverpool England. With The Lowland Clans at Allied Anime Worlds, a win won't be too hard to come by. In my opinion, if Rolatia loses, they're doomed because The Lowland Clans can and probably will pass them up for qualification.

Group 8
This group already knows that its 1-2-4 ranks in Starblaydia, Oliverry, and Spaam will finish 1-2-3, no questions asked.

Group 9
Audioslavia and Commerce Heights, ranked 1 and 2 in the group have secured 1-2, but Chicanada (23 points) and Kelse (22 points) are still duking it out for third. Chicanada will qualify with a win. If they draw or lose, Kelse can take the third spot with a win.

Group 10
Another 1-2 ranked 1-2 finish with Hockey Canada and Casari directly qualifying. The third spot once again up for grabs. Majeristan, Harlesburg, and Kaze Progressa with 22, 21, and 20 points, repectively, could all nab the spot. If Majerstan wins over Harlesburg, they're in. If they draw Harlesburg, then Kaze Progressa is in with a win, but they're Majeristan is in if otherwise. If they lose to Harlesburg, the Harlesburg qualifies. This means that Kaze Progressa must win and Majeristan and Karlesburg must sraw to qualify. Otherwise, the winner of the Harlesburg vs. Majeristan match qualifies.

Group 11
With third in the group Giant Zucchini failing in all aspects, this group's 1-2-4 ranks are qualified 1-2-3.

Group 12
With 1-2 ranks in Schiavonia and Squornshelous still fighting each other for the first and second, 3-4 ranks fight for third and fourth. With Kericia at 26 points and The Islands of Qutar at 24, it's going to come down to their final match performance. If Kericia loses or draws, The Islands of Qutar can slip in with a win. If neither of the aforementioned scenarios play out, Kericia is in.

That's all I have to really say about that... fo anyone who wants to watch a killing, your going to have to attend our next match against Turori, which won't be reported in depth on CNN, so you're going to have to come to see it for yourself *wink*.

Schedule of The Fighting Norris for World Cup 27
Matchday 1: At Yafor 2 (Loss 1-2)
Matchday 2: Vs. Allied Anime Worlds (Win 4-2)
Matchday 3: Vs. TheSuncoastofFlorida (Draw 0-0)
Matchday 4: Vs. Liverpool England (Loss 2-5)
Matchday 5: At The Lowland Clans (Draw 1-1)
Matchday 6: Vs. Rolatia (Win 2-0)
Matchday 7: On Bye
Matchday 8: At The Belmore Family (Win 4-1)
Matchday 9: At Turori (Loss 1-4)
Matchday 10: Vs. Yafor 2 (Draw 2-2)
Matchday 11: At Allied Anime Worlds (Loss 2-4)
Matchday 12: At TheSuncoastofFlorida (Win 2-0)
Matchday 13: At Liverpool England (Draw 2-2)
Matchday 14: Vs. The Lowland Clans (Loss 0-1)
Matchday 15: At Rolatia (Loss 0-2)
Matchday 16: On Bye
Matchday 17: Vs. The Belmore Family (Draw 2-2)
Matchday 18: Vs. Turori

Fighting Norris Record: (4-5-6)

The Kazoo Peoples

23-03-2006, 02:01

The Kazoos went on to win Matchday 17's match by a score of 2-0.

"We had a good game, and we can still qualify, which is great," said Head Coach Manni Aka after the game. "Now that we've won, I understand it as this: if we win, and Nanakaland loses or draws, we're in. Anything else, and we're not. But we have to face Tynelia at home, which will prove to be a very tough battle. We best be on our top game if we really want to go to the finals for the second year in row.

"On top of that, I just want to say one thing to all of our so-called 'supporters' who doubted us at the half: 'HA!'

Nanakaland, who seemed to have mastered ball control throughout the first half, yielded the power to the Kazoos in the second, with the Kazoos scoring two goals at minute 57 and minute 84, by Perknowleski and Ganfreeman, respectively. Nanakaland had possession of the ball 35 of the 45 minutes during the first half, whilst during the second, only controlled it for 10 of the 45 minutes.

The updated table is as follows:

Group 2
Total n Utter Insanity 1-1 Tynelia
Bettia 2-1 The Weegies
The Kazoo Peoples 2-0 Nanakaland
Risa-Aramour 1-0 The New Chakovnia

Pos Team P W D L GF GA GD Pts
1 Total n Utter Insanity 15 12 1 2 47 14 33 37
2 Bettia 15 10 2 3 46 23 23 32
3 Nanakaland 15 9 1 5 23 23 0 28
4 The Kazoo Peoples 15 8 2 5 35 28 7 26
5 The Weegies 15 6 3 6 25 23 2 21
6 Tynelia 15 5 5 5 15 16 -1 20
7 Risa-Aramour 15 4 4 7 16 32 -16 16
8 Algal states 15 4 1 10 18 38 -20 13
9 The New Chakovnia 16 0 1 15 16 44 -28 1

---
Rioting, mass panic ensues in many native Kazoo villages

Upon hearing Harmonie Harris report the weather in Kazooese, many local tribesman panicked.

"40 days of rain, and then..." said elder tribesman He Who Plays Very Assertively, struggling to keep up with Harmonie's quick pronunciation, "...84 inches of snow?!?? We must get ready! You Who Play Very Quickly, run to the nearest village and tell the news. One Who Is Always Prepared, prepare a shelter for us on high ground. He Who Avoids All Security Cameras, go steal a TV for our neighbors to the north."

It took police officials approximately 42 hours of kazoo-playing and fractured Kazooese to explain to the native Kazoo(ns?|ans?) that there was actually no rain to be found on radar.

"Whew, finally," quipped one policeman.

He Who Plays Very Assertively then replied, "Oh, you speak English? Why didn't you say so? So, what do you want again"

The policeman's face fell. "We want you to stop burglarising local stores and shops, and just go about doing... whatever you do."

"Oh, okay."

As for Harmonie Harris, The Generally United Nation of The Kazoo Peoples does not plan on filing charges for ensuing panic.

"It was quite funny," remarked the chairman of the Ministry of Law, Mr. Filibuster.
---

KAZOOS' PROGRESS IN WORLD CUP 27 (9-2-6*):
MD1: loss to Algal states 3-1, home
MD2: loss to Total n Utter Insanity 2-0, home
MD3: loss to Milchama (friendly) 4-2, home
MD4: win over The Weegies 2-1, away
MD5: win over Risa-Aramour 2-0, home
MD6: win over The New Chakovnia 2-0, away
MD7: loss to Bettia 4-3, away
MD8: loss to Nanakaland 3-2, away
MD9: draw with Tynelia 1-1, home
---
MD10: win over Algal states 5-0, away
MD11: loss Total n Utter Insanity 5-1, away
MD12: win over Lowland Clans 3-0, home (friendly)
MD13: win over The Weegies 3-2, home
MD14: draw with Risa-Aramour 2-2, away
MD15: win over The New Chakovnia 4-1, home
MD16: win over Bettia 5-3, home
MD17: win over Nanakaland 2-0, home
MD18: Tynelia, away
*Includes Friendlies

Fmjphoenix

23-03-2006, 02:15

New Montreal States

23-03-2006, 02:24

PALADINS LOCK UP SECOND WITH WIN

Starters will not travel to AR, neither will reserves; White Ranger platoon will take place of team

NEW MONTREAL - After watching Cuation dismantle the Rainbows to lock up third, the Paladins knew they had to win this to keep from facing a playoff. They came through admirably, showing signs of their old form as they ran to a 4-1 win over Collonie.

Meanwhile, the Paladins' war-zone travels continue as they head to Atheistic Right to close off qualifiers. However, instead of sending the team to a nation: "run by people at war who do not like us that much either," in the words of Ministry of Morale spokesman Trevor Goldfly, "We will be sending a platoon of White Rangers, the NMS special ops, to play in Natural Stadium, with a second platoon as security to enhance whatever preparations Atheistic Right might have made."

The roster will look like this for the final match:

Coach: Maj. Gen. Yves Charbonneau (retired)

GK 4 Lt. Maxime Beaupré

D 12 Spec. Étienne Chamfleur
D 14 Spec. Kol Dakar

MF 3 Lt. Benji Sanders
MF 7 Cpl. Antoine Beaujeu
MF 16 Spec. Louis Bernard
MF 23 Spec. Tony Caldwell
MF 30 Maj. Trent Perkins
MF 34 Spec. Marcel Ducour

F 15 Sgt. Keith Pierce
F 19 Cpl. Hans Portenoy

That said:

PALADINS 4 - Chan 16, Toussaint 50, Labranche 55, 88
COLLONIE 1 - Mirshmon 67

TOURNAMENT SCORING

Villeneuve 9
Labranche 6
Toussaint 4
Pilon 3
Tessier 3
Chan 2
Gordon 2
Faulkner 1
Miller 1
Yates 1

Atheistic Right

23-03-2006, 03:40

<The ARFA Sports logo and theme music came onto the TV screen.... and then cut to a darkened studio that lightened to reveal Charles and Darwin in army fatigue>

"Welcome to this War Edition of ARFA Sports - I'm Charles." - Charles

"And I'm Darwin, Welcome to the coverage of the last Match in the World Cup Qualifications. You may be asking why are we in army fatigues?" - Darwin

"I can answer that Darwin, the answer is to support our marvelous troops in their mission against those war-mongers, who without warning or provocation declared war and we are just defending ourselves." - Charles

"So now onto the match... What about the team from New Monstreal States? They are different from the team we played away and New Monstreal States." - Darwin

"They are apparently members of their Special Forces, apparent their special forces have a soccer team. So the only thing that matters was their performance. The answer was ... not well... despite out-ranking us by miles the team only managed one goal. This was in the 24th minute. It was scored by their Sgt. Keith Pierce. " - Charles

"So what about the Archeopteri... What did they score?" - Darwin.

"Unfortunately nothing, Darwin, while the defense against the Special Forces team was quite strong the attack failed to penetrate. It seems that Scorpion who had a number of good goal opportunities. It is unknown exactly how come but speculation abounds that Scorpion is in fact an enemy Sympathiser. - Charles

"So What about that extra platoon that they brought as extra defense?" Darwin

"Well, if a squad of thei special Forces cannot defend themselves would a second platoon do anything. Though I suppose they did just want to be cautious. Of course they weren't fearing anything from us but from those... Collonians." - Charles

"We'll return you back to your regular programming." - Darwin

"I'm Charles." - Charles

"And I'm Darwin, ARFA Sports - Your Strongest News Network Around now on ARAF News & Entertainment Network."

[NS]Bazalonia

23-03-2006, 03:45

Peter Hobble and James Gaines where discussing things in James' office...

"Are you sure you want to do this?" James Gaines

"Yes, I know it's probably going to hurt... and alot... but I'm not staying like this." Peter Hobble

"I just want to know why..." James Gaines

"I hated myself for what I have done to that restaruant in ASMV and for leaving the team at this critical stage. as well I just plain did not like myself." Peter Hobble.

"Well, If you are sure. I'll give the monks a ring at their Hotel... Do you reckon after this you are going up to playing?" James Gaines

"Uh.. no I don't. Tell the players what I am doing and I am there in spirit with them. And that I will be in the stands cheering for them." Peter Hobble.

James Gaines rang up the coach of the Archregimancies team. And told him that Peter Hobble. Is in his office and wants to get exorcised. The phone went down and soon later the monks came and did there thing James Gaines was out... he was warned that it was not going to be pretty by Hobble. Who had managed to do a bit of research in his time at Elrich.

................

Later the match was underway, Peter Hobble was in the stand cleared of the Lycanthropic Curse and cheering as best he could after the ordeal. and it seemed to do it's Job the Match at TeleBaz Stadium the Archregimancy who the Bazalopes did not thought to have a chance against kept the match to a nil all draw.

After the match Peter Hobble held a press conference.

"Good evening Ladies and Gentlemen... and monks." Peter Said "Everyone would know by now that I became a Werewolf after the Elrichian Wolfman bit me in our last match of the last Cup of Harmony. I would like to appologise to that restaraunt in ASMV where I caused alot of Damage and to my team for leaving you for so long. Though part of it was not my fault. As well as apollogising I have announcement to make before the match a number of monks came at my request and with the help of the BFSA president James Gaines. I can announce that they have performed an Exhorcism and I am back to my normal self. Oh and ah sorry to those guys that I tackled back in the ASMV Invitiational. Any questions?"

A female reporter stood up and asked a question... "Yes, I have one. Are you going to return to your soccer carreer? Now that the World Cup is over but the Cup of Harmony is just around the corner?"

"As far as I understand the Bazalopes have not been confirmed as competitors for the Cup of Harmony, but if we are then I will certainly be apart of the team for that. Though whether or not I am re-instated as captain is another matter. Benny Boy has done a great Job as captain and I will try to fit under the plans our new Coach has for the team."

another reporter stood up and asked "Are you worried about how the team will re-act when you return?"

"I have already talked to a number of people in the team and I have already been given a new nickname. 'Wolfie' this nickname was given in all the best attention and I am proud to be a member of this team. And I do think that they will be proud of me as well. Anyway.. I;ve got to go and help celebrate the draw so that's where we are going to have to leave it for now. Thank you for coming."

Milchama

23-03-2006, 04:06

Alexandria Times-Tribune-Post-Gazette-Chronicle-Journal-Enquirer

Sports Section

Michama have to play HYPOCRIA!

Yeh that's right we've come full circle in this qualifying campaign. Our first MD was "Milchama= The New Hypocria" now we are playing the real Hypocria in the playoffs. This is of course upsetting to both teams as one of them cannot make the World Cup. Coach Jamie Smith said, "We both have been waiting a long time to get a chance to get to the World Cup and now we have to play each other to qualify. I really would like to have this any other way but this one unfortunately you cannot have everything you want in life. At least we made the playoffs this puts in a great position for next cup where we can qualify directly."

This makes it hard for the Warriors to qualify as Hypocria is a quality with many good players. They also have a history of failing miserably under pressure which means that we expect to win after losing the first leg. In true Hypocrian we expect them to fail after coming so close to victory. We could be wrong but probably not.

Majeristan

23-03-2006, 04:09

Falcons to play bonus football

TIKIRA (22 March 2006) -- The Majeristan Falcons put an end to several weeks of choking when it mattered most by winning a match they absolutely had to win, defeating Harlesburg 2-0 in front of an overflow crowd of 76,894 at the newly renamed Avid Mashoda Memorial Stadium in downtown Tikira. The win advances the Falcons to a one off playoff against Chicanada for the right to play in the World Cup finals.

"The fact that we still have a chance to play among the final 32 teams in the world is a great accomplishment in itself," Coach Hatime I Ra~e said. "But we haven't done much to rest on our laurels, I believe they say in English. We still have to play a great match against Chicanada to make it to the finals."

Majeristan earned the right to play that extra match by letting their veteran defence clamp down on Harlesburg in a way they couldn't in the away leg of their derby. They were able to get two goals from forward Hakan el Dajani and control the game from the opening kickoff to the final whistle. When the final whistle sounded, thousands of Falcons supporters rushed the pitch and began chanting "Glory to Allah."

"That was a crazy scene for sure," midfielder Joe Taylor said. "I realise there's a lot I don't understand not being Muslim, but that was just pandemonium. I guess there wasn't a lot to cheer about the last few games for these fans."

Whether the Falcons defeat Chicanada in the one-off playoff in Ariot, Fmjphoenix, the fact they got to within one game of the World Cup finals is what most fans will remember about their team.

"This has been one special run," el Dajani said. "We still have some improvement left in us."

New Montreal States

23-03-2006, 04:12

WHITE RANGERS TAKE THE DAY, AGAIN

Squad lives up to motto as Spec Ops wipe the board with militant Darwinists

ATHEISTIC RIGHT - "We will enter unfriendly territory, execute our mission to the best of our ability to defend and protect NMS citizens and interests, and leave promptly thereafter, ideally with a minimum of bloodshed."

Thus Major General (ret.) Yves Charbonneau, at a sparsely attended pre-match news conference before leading his troops into the heart of Natural Stadium to face the Archeopteri of Atheistic Right on their home turf. And his men certainly "took the day," seizing a 1-0 win over a packed house of people who strongly disliked the Paladins.

The entire match was cast under a most unsportsmanlike pall of hostility, after unfounded accusations by AR's government-controlled media accused the NMS and the Archregimancy of murdering their coach Cricket in what appeared to be a case of food poisoning. A second platoon of White Rangers stood on the sidelines, vigiliant against any attempts by either warring party to strike the stadium.

The game itself featured Spec. Ops. vaunted ability to defend any position with a platoon, a boast constantly made by Secretaries of Defense when seeking additional funding, and vindicated tonight beyond any dispute. Sgt. Keith Pierce, playing as forward, seized the lone goal of the match with brisk efficiency, converting a corner from Spec. Marcel Ducour in the 24th minute to give the Paladins a 1-0 lead, which they then held for the rest of the night.

That said, nothing remains between the Paladins and the group stage except watching the playoff matches to be held in Fmjpheonix. Milchama and Hypocria and Anathematic Republics vs. Praying2God are the two matches that will hold the attention of most NMS viewers.

PALADINS 1 - Sgt. Pierce 24
ATHEISTIC RIGHT 0 - Jesus has spoken.

TOURNAMENT SCORING

Villeneuve 9
Labranche 6
Toussaint 4
Pilon 3
Tessier 3
Chan 2
Gordon 2
Faulkner 1
Miller 1
Sgt. Pierce 1
Yates 1

For a total of 33 goals during qualifiers.

Sarzonia

23-03-2006, 04:21

Imperfect effort, perfect record

RORYSVILLE (22 March 2006) -- Sarzonian national team coach Dave Wilson said going into the final match of World Cup XXVII qualifying that the Stars weren't worried about whether they finished this stage undefeated. He started mostly depth players in the away finale, and left many of the tactical decisions to assistant coach Brett Hancock. The Stars' effort, however, left him fuming as if his team had lost.

"We saw why we have the starting 11 we do," Wilson said after the Stars conceded two goals for the first time in this World Cup qualifying session in their 6-2 win over group doormats Rorysville. "We now know conclusively who should start our matches. We just didn't play the way I expected us to play."

The Stars (16-0-0) stumbled out of the gate and Wilson said the team was lucky not to trail by anything more than 1-0 at the 29 minute mark when goalkeeper Aaron Lee misplayed a corner into a goal for the Rorysville striker. The Stars came back to draw the match level at 1-1 courtesy of a Brian Williams tally, but Williams promptly turned the ball over near the centre circle en route to a Rorysville goal that they were able to parlay into a halftime advantage over the group's unquestioned champions.

But Hancock gave a fiery halftime speech and sent in forward Kevin Wilson and midfielder Jenna Raven and the moves "gave us a wakeup call," Lee said. The Stars rallied for five second half goals, leaving Rorysville shellshocked as the Stars played the second half like a team that could be considered a World Cup contender by some prognosticators.

Try telling that to Dave Wilson.

"If we don't play more consistently, we're not going to win jack squat," he said. "We played one of the poorest matches I've ever seen us play and we're fortunate that we were able to win the match by this wide a margin."

For his part, Wilson said he hoped the Hypocria national team advances to the Finals in spite of the Hypocrian Football Association's labelling him "senile" and accusing him of not being able to work with world class players. And in spite of the Incorporated Football Federation's current lawsuit against the HFA.

"I spent two World Cups trying to help that team realise its full potential," Wilson said. "It's going to be hard for me to root against them." Wilson wouldn't comment on the further remarks by the HFA except to say, "the talent gap between Sarzonia and Hypocria isn't nearly as wide as they would have you believe. Sarzonia's talent isn't markedly better than any of the other elite teams in the world. The only thing that sets Sarzonia apart is its work rate and its determination. If Hypocria can develop that, they can go a lot farther than they think."

The Archregimancy

23-03-2006, 04:51

THE ARCHREGIMANCY BRINGS YOU

WORLD CUP TONIGHT

With Fr. Nicholas the Scribe and Fr. John the Golden-Throated

"So, Fr. John.... what nice people those Bazalonians are..."

"Absolutely, Fr. Nicholas. At last a nation comes to us with a request that we can help with, instead of an unwarranted accusation of cheating or murder. I can't tell you what a breath of fresh air that proved to be this Lenten season. In fact, so impressed were the squad at Bazalonia's request for an exorcism on Peter Hobble that the entire squad agreed to travel to the away leg in celebration. Even Fr. Michael the New Hermit."

"Terribly exciting stuff, Fr. John! Can you tell us more about the exorcism?"

"Absolutely, Fr. Nicholas. Let's look at the highlights!

First of all Coach Kyrill, Metropolitan of Solovetsky, enters James Gaines' office with the squad, where Fr. Dmitri the Humble narrowly evades this tackle from the demonically-possessed Hobble.

In the 11th minute, after Hobble is finally tied down, Coach Kyrill reads out the initial prayer of exorcism:

"In Thy name, O Lord God of truth, I lay my hand upon Thy servant, who has been found worthy to seek refuge in Thy Holy Name and to be sheltered under the shadow of Thy wings. Take from him that ancient error and fill him with Thy faith and hope and love that he may know Thou Alone art true God. inscribe him in Thy book of life. May Thine Eyes ever gaze upon him in mercy. Give him joy in the works of his hands".

What magnificent technique! In this beautiful prayer the coach doesn't mention the banishment of evil spirits. He instead welcomes the possessed in the name of the Lord, asking that he dedicate himself to a spiritual life under the protection of Christ.

After that prayer, three prayers of exorcism were read out in the 18th minute. Let's watch a few excerpts from these exorcism prayers with which the priest invokes God to banish Satan:

"Be rebuked and depart ... Be afraid, come forth, and depart from this His created image ... Depart to thy own Tartaros ..." "O Satan ... through us His unworthy servants command thee and all the power which worketh with thee to remove thyself from him who hath been sealed in the Name of our Lord Jesus Christ, our True God....

"Banish from him, Peter Hobble, every evil and unclean spirits hidden and lurking in his heart, the spirit of error, the spirit of evil, the spirit of idolatry and all covetness ... May the Lord rebuke thee, O Satan..."

Let me tell you, the squad were really on top of their form at this point! Each prayer beautifully sung!

Then Hobble acknowledged his faith: "I worship Father, Son and the Holy Spirit, Trinity consubstantial and undivided". He was a bit shaky there, but he's been out of action through possession for a few weeks now, so no doubt he'll improve once he's fully match fit.

The ritual order of the exorcism presupposes the willingness of the candidate, who is strengthened with the Grace of God, to avoid and ward off the temptations of the evil spirit. But there's no doubt that Hobble was ready! Who wouldn't be after everything he's been through recently?

In the 30th minute, the entire squad surrounded Hobble, sprayed some Holy Water over him, and there you go: Monks 1, lycanthropy 0."

"I think some of the Bazalonias were expecting a more gruesome exorcism, Fr. John."

"No need in this case, Fr. Nicholas - Hobble was able and willing, and he had an entire squad of footballing monks to help out."

"And what about the football match?"

"There was a football match? After all that?"

"Think so, Fr. John!"

"Erm.... let me look at my notes, Fr. Nicholas.... 0-0 draw. Match played in friendly spirit of thanksgiving. Both nations considered it rude to try too hard after the help given to Hobble. Our lads knew a draw was enough to top the group anyway. Something like that."

"Thank you, Fr. John. And looking at the playoff picture, I'm sure you'll join me in avoiding Vallhala Hall, Spraat, Fmjphoenix for the Anathematic Republics versus Praying2God fixture - with those two playing each other, the chances that the Lord will smite down the sinful and unworthy with a half-time earthquake has to be considered better than 50/50...."

Andossa Se Mitrin Vega

23-03-2006, 07:27

http://i14.photobucket.com/albums/a318/stormgiantxxxl/ASMVFNN.jpg

Sea Dragons Finish Round In Style

This is Kellan Kildan reporting to you live from Pastorville.

The Sea Dragons traveled to Pastorville today in what was deemed to be an anticlimactic match considering ASMV had clinched the playoff spot for Group 11 one match prior to the trip. Head coach Edgar Pao St Martinique knew better than that. If the Sea Dragons had any chance to advance through the playoff round, they needed to remain focused and in top form.

And that is just what he got from his squad. The ASMV defense came out with a vengeance, turning away Pastorville every time they tried to move the ball into position to score. The Banta-N’bai duo and MalachI James looked top notch as they dominated the field.

The 25th minute saw Evan Evans steal the ball and find Pablo Iglesias free in the Pastorville box. Moments later the Sea Dragons sported a 1-0 advantage. The goal seemed to wake up the Pastorville D, and both sides battled hard to the half.

It looked as if Pastorville would even the match at 1 all early in the second half, but the shot was not a great one and Alysson Shade moved quickly on the counter-attack. She found Kirelenko in the middle of the field. After moving through 2 Pastorville defenders, he spotted a blur on the right side and Porche Alexander found herself with only the keeper to beat. The shot bounced off the keeper’s hands and a great effort saw Alexander score on the rebound as no one else was even close to the ball. Score ASMV 2 - Pastorville 0.

The final goal from ASMV came in the 77th minute on a superb corner kick from Evans to Micah Swift whose well played header found the net. That was the way it would end as Shaun Conarky collected his second consecutive clean sheet.

Evans had this to say following the match. “I don’t know who we will face in the playoff rounds. But I do know that we have been playing very well. Our defense has been one of the best around and if we can score 3 goals, I’d say we can beat anyone if that happens.”

Qazox

23-03-2006, 07:37

QAZOX CITY HERALD

We choked. That is the headlines through out Qazox today as the Black Oxen blew an awesome chance to play Hypocria for the right to advance to the World Cup Proper. With the sold out crowd of 79,250 at Qazian Memorial Stadium, buzzing about Milchama's upset 3-1 loss to the Ghost of Hiiraan, which ended about 10 minutes before tonight's match vs. Vilita. The Black Oxen came out fast and furious as they had possession of the ball for most of the 1st half, but nothing came of thier dominance. The second half started the same with Maria Gresky getting not 1 but 2 excellent shots on net, but the Vilitan keeper stoned both shots and a sense of dread began to fill the crowd as the time ticked up to a 0-0 draw. Vilita started to press the Black Oxen's attack and with just over 5 minutes to go in the game, a goal by #2 on Vilita hushed the crowd permanently as Vilita escaped with a 1-0 win, eliminating Qazox from World Cup Qualifing.

Looking back on the Qualifiing run for the Black Oxen, 2 things came abundantly clear. Our Defense which only gave up 18 goals in 16 matches is very good (a 1.13 G.A.A.) and our Offense needs lots of work as we only scored 19 goals in the tourney. (a 1.19 GPG). As we look forward for Qazox, a Cup Of Harmony bid will most likely be accepted and hopefully with a few tweaks, we could do well there. Here's the final standings and Match day 18 results.

Group 3
Dorian and Sonya 2-2 Eauz
Qazox 0-1 Vilita
Hiiraan 3-1 Milchama
Tanah Burung 0-1 Elrich

Bold=Auto-Qualify for WC 27, Italics-Playoff

Pos Team P W D L GF GA GD Pts
1 Eauz 16 12 3 1 45 9 36 39
2 Vilita 16 12 2 2 42 14 28 38
3 Milchama 16 7 4 5 27 27 0 25
4 Qazox 16 7 2 7 19 18 1 23
5 Tanah Burung 16 6 1 9 22 26 -4 19
6 Elrich 16 6 1 9 17 28 -11 19
7 Dorian and Sonya 16 5 3 8 16 30 -14 18
8 Hiiraan 16 4 4 8 13 19 -6 16
9 Valertinette 16 2 2 12 9 39 -30 8

Here's the overall Scorers and Keeper stats for the Qualifing Round.

Name Goals
Maria Gretsky 5
Alicia Gonzalez 3
Francis Alouette 2
Manuel Aguirre 1
Anthony Mason 1
Andrew Mason 1
John Frorr 1
Helena Sexton 1
Aero Smith 1
Shaun Brady 1
Roberta Lee 1

Keepers W-D-L MP G.A.A/TGA SO
John Frorr 3-1-7 11 1.00/11 2
Hiram Joachim 4-1-0 5 1.40/7 2

Green wombat

23-03-2006, 07:46

The HEXAGON Rebel

Major win today in Lovisa for Green wombat as they beat Lovisa in a 'home game' 2-1. Green wombats surprising wins in its last 2 games moved them from 9th to 6th in thier group. here's the final table for group 11:
bold teams are qualified, italics for 3rd place playoffs and under the line are Cup of Harmony qualifiers.

Pos Team P W D L GF GA GD Pts
1 Tadjikistan 16 11 3 2 43 10 33 36
2 Lovisa 16 10 3 3 39 13 26 33
3 Andossa Se Mitrin Vega 16 8 2 6 22 26 -4 26
4 Becquerelia 16 4 7 5 13 17 -4 19
5 Pastorville 16 6 1 9 10 18 -8 19
6 Green wombat 16 5 3 8 18 35 -17 18
7 Emporer Pudu 16 4 5 7 13 25 -12 17
8 Giant Zucchini 16 4 4 8 22 25 -3 16
9 Georgeonia 16 4 4 8 11 22 -11 16

Dorian and Sonya

23-03-2006, 07:52

Mystical Unicorns Finish Strong

Well. It was all over now. Dorian and Sonya had completed their first WC experience with surprising success. At least it was success for a side ranked 211th at the beginning. Wins over Tanah Burung, Elrich, and Vilita as well as draws against Milchama, Hiiraan, and Eauz were something the young squad could build on. Oh yeah, we did manage a draw with the mighty Eauz on the final match day.

It seemed that the idea of having the girls play the match in bikini tops and short skirts did the trick and allowed the Unicorns to score twice on Eauz, a squad that had only allowed 7 goals in 15 matches as well as hold the powerhouse to just 2 goals - one short of their average. Team sources say the Unicorns are considering wearing the controversial kits from now on. But that has yet to be confirmed.

Queen Sonya Sabre is reportedly very proud of the Unicorn’s efforts. Next time around, we will be a side that people must give some consideration to. One thing is certain, the squad from Dorian and Sonya proved to be very resilient. Regardless of the situation, they never quit playing their hardest. Despite a long losing streak midway through, the girls never lost hope. And now they return home as national heroes to attend a Royal Ball thrown in their honor. They may not have qualified, but there are much higher ranked sides that did far worse.

We look forward to the chance to face some of you in the Cup of Harmony (Shameless plug for an invite) and the opportunity to see you all again in WC28.

CR Oscilloscopes

23-03-2006, 11:01

CR Oscilloscopes bow out with dramatic four goal defeat
CR Oscilloscopes national association football team played their last game today in the 27th World Cup. It was a dramatic finish to the tournament for the greys as they were thumped 5-1, Damion Aoal getting the only home team goal. Despite this defeat, and finishing 6th in the group, it will be recorded as a fantastic achievement for the team, who started out as the second lowest rank in group 1, before proving a few critics wrong with some solid performances. It is a fine moment in the history of CR Oscilloscopean football, and they will be looking to do even better next tournament.

For a record of the team's achievement, the CR Oscilloscopes group results are here listed.

Pos Team P W D L GF GA GD Pts
1 Jeruselem 16 12 3 1 47 12 35 39
2 New Montreal States 16 11 2 3 33 18 15 35
3 Cuation 16 8 3 5 26 21 5 27
4 Collonie 16 7 3 6 27 26 1 24
5 Druida 16 7 3 6 23 23 0 24
6 CR Oscilloscopes 16 5 2 9 14 30 -16 17
7 Kirstiriera 16 3 4 9 16 28 -12 13
8 An Archy 16 3 4 9 11 25 -14 13
9 Atheistic Right 16 2 4 10 15 29 -14 10

Druida 1-0 CR Oscilloscopes
The tournament started promisingly for the greys, as they lost by only one goal to a highly ranked Druida team.

CR Oscilloscopes 0-2 Collonie
Not so good for CR as their first home match ended in demoralising defeat.

Atheistic Right 1-2 CR Oscilloscopes
A great day in CR Oscilloscopes' history as the teaam recorded their first ever World Cup victory, Üwe Ritz scoring both goals for the greys.

Kirstiriera 1-1 CR Oscilloscopes
Disappointment after the first win as CR can only eke out a draw against the group minnows. The goal came from Üwe Ritz.

New Montreal States 3-0 CR Oscilloscopes
Comprehensively beaten by the strong New Montreal States, it was all the greys could do as to not concede more.

CR Oscilloscopes 1-0 Cuation
Delight in CR Oscilloscopes as an Üwe Ritz strike shocks the group, and buries Cuation.

An Archy 0-1 CR Oscilloscopes
A third group win for CR put the team into the nosebleed heights of fifth in the table. Stanislav Keates scored the only goal for the greys'.

Jeruselem 4-0 CR Oscilloscopes
No surprise as the group leaders trounced the inexperienced greys.

CR Oscilloscopes 0-2 Druida
Back to the predicted form, as Druida complete a worthy double.

Collonie 3-0 CR Oscilloscopes
A third successive defeat and game without scoring for CR as they were thrashed by Colllonie.

CR Oscilloscopes 2-1 Atheistic Right
Back to winning ways as Üwe Ritz and sub Taylor Tringsten score the goals to complete a double over Atheistic Right.

CR Oscilloscopes 1-2 Kirstiriera
On the receiving end of a shock for once, Kiristeria score two, to defeat the greys. Helli Drayton got the only goal for CR.

CR Oscilloscopes 1-1 New Montreal States
A fantastic team performance as CR pull of the unthinkable and get a result from a tough match against NMS. Üwe Ritz was again the goalscorer.

Cuation 3-1 CR Oscilloscopes
Qualification chasing Cuation defeated a resiliant CR who were hopeful with an early Helli Drayton goal, but come the final whistle were left disappointed.

CR Oscilloscopes 3-1 An Archy
The second double of the tournament for the greys, as an Üwe Ritz brace and Reiter Rittinghaus solo effort saw the team past An Archy.

CR Oscilloscopes 1-5 Jeruselem
The final match for CR, had nothing going for it, with the grey's guarenteed sixth place and this showed in their performance, a late Üwe Ritz goal the only joy.

CR Goalscorers
Üwe Ritz 9
Helli Drayton 2
Taylor Tringsten 1
Stanislav Keates 1
Reiter Rittinghaus 1

Georgeonia

23-03-2006, 12:17

Tadjikistan, Final Standings and Tournament Round-Up

Group 11
Georgeonia 1-0 Tadjikistan
Green wombat 2-1 Lovisa
Becquerelia 0-2 Giant Zucchini
Pastorville 0-3 Andossa Se Mitrin Vega

Heroic Squids End Campaign With Surprise Win!

The Squids pulled of the biggest shock win in their history last night,
beating The Tigers of Tadjikistan one-nil at home in front of a 34,000
capacity crowd in Oxonia. Tadjikistan, already certain of qualification,
fielded a weakened side but were still a world class team and the Squids
performed fantastically to get the win. The goal came in the twentieth
minute, after Georgeonia had been pushed back by a strong Tigers attack.
Centre-back Fagan won the ball with a strong slide tackle and moved the
ball out to Latimer on the wing. Latimer made a strong run up field
before sending a long diagonal ball to midfielder Dica. Dica controlled
the ball and curled it into the penalty area, and captain Benge headed
home for his second goal of the campaign. The squids continued to play
on the couter-attack for the rest of the first half, with Camplin twice
coming close and Majewski hitting the post. At the other end of the
pitch Georgeonia were lucky not to concede, when a long range shot from
a Tigers midfielder grazed the top of the bar, with Nedrick looking well
beaten. The second half proved less eventful, with both teams battling it
out in midfield, and few shots on goal. In injury time, however, the
Tigers were given a controversial penalty for a push in a crowded penalty
area following a corner. The squids fans looked on in horror, believing
that the team's hard work all game would be for nothing, but to their
audilble relief the penalty was poorly taken, and the ball sailed over
the bar. The game ended one-nil to the Squids, a fitting end to a
qulifying campaign which has left the country so proud of the team's
heroic performance. After the match, Benge was awarded the player of the
tournament award by the team for his stearling work in midfield, for
keeping up the team's discipline and moral, and for the two goals he
scored. Majewski was awarded the top scorer award for his four goals
over the course of the campaign.

MD01: Away to Giant Zucchini L 3-0
MD02: Home to Pastorville W 1-0
MD03: Away to Green Wombat L 1-0
MD04: Away to Emperor Pudu D 0-0
MD05: Away to Louvisa L 3-0
MD06: Home to Andossa Se Mitrin Vega L 1-2
MD07: Away to Becquerelia D 1-1
MD08: --- No Match ---
MD09: Away to Tadjikistan D 1-1
MD10: Home to Giant Zucchini W 3-2
MD11: Away to Pastorville W 0-1
MD12: Home to Green Wombat D 2-2
MD13: Home to Emperor Pudu L 0-1
MD14: Home to Louvisa L 0-3
MD15: Away to Andossa Se Mitrin Vega L 2-0
MD16: Home to Becquerelia L 0-1
MD17: --- No Match ---
MD18: Home to Tadjikistan W 1-0

The Team

(1) Nedrick

(2) Ryan (3) Fagan (4) Owino

(10) Latimer (11)Adomako

(5) Yaqoub (6) Benge(c) (7) Dica

(9) Majewski (8) Camplin

Scorers

4 - Majewski
3 - Camplin
2 - Benge
1 - Owino
1 - Yaqoub

Final Standings

Pos Team P W D L GF GA GD Pts
1 Tadjikistan 16 11 3 2 43 10 33 36
2 Lovisa 16 10 3 3 39 13 26 33
3 Andossa Se Mitrin Vega 16 8 2 6 22 26 -4 26
4 Becquerelia 16 4 7 5 13 17 -4 19
5 Pastorville 16 6 1 9 10 18 -8 19
6 Green wombat 16 5 3 8 18 35 -17 18
7 Emporer Pudu 16 4 5 7 13 25 -12 17
8 Giant Zucchini 16 4 4 8 22 25 -3 16
9 Georgeonia 16 4 4 8 11 22 -11 16

The results of matchday 18 leave the Squids in an unfortunate last place in
group eleven. Despite this, the entire country remains proud of the team's
performance in this, their first ever world cup. Four wins and four draws
is a fantastic result for the squids and the sixteen points they earned
would have seen them end up higher than ninth in any other qualifying group.
Group eleven, however has proved to be exceptionally close fought, with fourth
to ninth in the table separated by only three points. For the squids to end up
battling for position with so many quality teams is a great endorsement of the
character and heart of this young team, and few would bet against them
finishing in a higher position in the next world cup.

Analysis

Let's take a look at how the squids performed against the other teams in group 11:

Tadjikistan (World Ranking - 9th)

4 Points. Perhaps the Squids' greatest success. The team never expected anything
other than two losses against the quality group leaders. In fact sheer grit and
determination earned two hard fought results of which the team can be proud.
Tadjikistan should go on to do well in the finals, and we are hoping that they win
so we can say we beat the World Cup Champions!

Lovisa (World Ranking - 17th)

0 points. For our money, the best team in the group. They may have faltered
slightly at the end of the campaign, allowing Tadjikistan to sneak into first
place, but they have still looked dominant, and are our bet to exceed expectations
at the finals. Two games against them, two three-nil losses, as expected.

Giant Zucchini (World Ranking - 32nd)

3 points. Ranked almost 180 places above us in the world, but we still managed to
hold our own against them, with one win and one loss, and finishing level on points
with them! Our three-two win against this side was one of the most exciting matches
of the tournament. We are not sure why they did not live up to expectations, no doubt
they will be back next world cup and put in a stronger performance.

Andossa Se Mitrin Vega (World Ranking - 58th)

0 points. Two losses against this strong team, but great fun to play against, and our
favourite team in this group. We wish them every success in their playoff game. We
came close in our first match with a narrow two-one defeat. Hopefully we will get to
play them again in future and give them some more difficult matches!

Pastorvillle (World Ranking - 63rd)

6 Points. The only team from which we took maximum points. Brilliant results against a
strong team, which show how well the team has performed in this campaign. Pastorville
have looked pretty anonymous all campaign, but have ended up mid table, just three points
ahead of the squids.

Becquerelia (World Ranking - 132nd)

1 Point. The squids were dissapointed only to earn one point against this team after two
close and hard-fought games. Becquerelia looked out of contention at the half-way point,
but a second half resergance saw them rise to fourth and only narrowly miss out on a
playoff spot. The squids were unfortunate to play them in the middle of their run of
good form, but still only conceded one goal in each game against this side.

Green wombat (World Ranking - 135th)

1 Point. Again slightly disapointing only to take one point, with another close one-nil
defeat. Wombat finished just two points ahead of Georgeonia and we will be hoping for
revenge nixt time the two sides meet.

Emporer Pudu (World Ranking - 211th)

1 Point. The biggest dissapointment of the tournament was only taking one point from this
side having hoped for at least four. Our draw in the first half of qualifying was acceptable
but losing to them in the second half of qualifying was a disaster for our hopes of pushing
for the playoffs. It is strange that we took seven points from the top three ranked teams
in our group, but only three from the bottom three. The squids have shown they have the
potential to beat big teams, if they could just work on getting consistant results against
weaker teams they would really begin to look strong.

Spruitland

23-03-2006, 12:28

Finishing in style

There was very little pressure on the Wabbits for their last qualifying match, having secured the World Cup spot on the second to last day, but coach Cor Bensen decided against playing an all-reserve squad, only giving midfielder Waldo Gelmer a rest to let young Planaeter get his first starting appearance.

“Two reasons,” Bensen explained before the match. “We’ve been on a decent run the last few matches, and with our crappy streak not too far in the past yet, I didn’t want to risk destroying the restored confidence while it was still a bit fragile. Keeping the momentum going is more important now than giving some guys an extra ninety minutes of rest.”

“And also, while the result of this match may not have an influence on our position in the table, it’s not quite the same for our opponent and a few other teams in the group. The playoff spot is still up for grabs, and we want to make that battle as fair as possible by going all out for the win tonight.”

And for once it seemed like the Wabbits had actually listened to their coach. The Solar Association, their unfortunate opponents tonight, didn’t stand much of a chance, looking at a 3-0 deficit by half time. Gert Planaeter scored the first goal of the night, making his first match as a starter a quite successful one.

The Wabbits ran even further away with the match in the second half, only slowing down at a 0-5 score, making the Solar boys’ last attempt at grabbing the playoff spot a rather unsuccessful one, to say the least. As it turned out, all three contenders for the playoff spot surprisingly lost their match, which must be quite a relief for Anathematic Republics, who still go through despite an embarrising loss to Tonissia.

Tynelia

23-03-2006, 13:52

“Hello everyone, welcome to the final World Cup 27 edition of Tynelian Soccer Weekly. As always this is Sal Spikeman along with Anna Dalespin bringing the final curtain down on Tynelia’s World Cup experience. But before we go on here’s a special message from Tynelian Minister of Foreign Affair, Mr. Gordon Leith.”

<camera cuts away to a fussy looking balding man wearing wire rimmed glasses.>

“Hello this is Tynelian Minister of Foreign Affairs Gordon Leith here. I am here to address and apologize for the recent panic we have inadvertently caused in the land of the Kazoo Peoples. It seems that due to her unfamiliarity with the Kazoo-ese language Miss Harmonie Harris of Tynelian Soccer Weekly made several errors of pronunciation in her effort to be more conscientious towards the Kazoo Peoples by using their own language.

It seems she first erred in not saying that her weather report was for Tynelia where the match was taking place and not the land of the Kazoo Peoples. She added to this error when she tried to say ‘40%chance of rain today’ it came out as ’40 days of rain’. Further compounding the problem her comment that ‘the high will be 84 in the south’ was mistranslated by her to Kazooese into ‘a height of 84 inches of snow’. Tynelia apologizes again for the trouble this may have caused the good people of the Kazoo People. We have strongly recommended to all future sportscasters that they stick to their own tongue unless they are declared fluent in another. Thank you.”

<footage returns to the studio>

“Well glad that’s taken care of then, poor Harmonie trying to show respect for the Kazoo Peoples and nearly causing a country-wide panic instead.”

“And that surprises you why Sal?”

“Now now Anna, let’s get back to soccer. In a hard fought battle Tynelia was defeated by the red hot Kazoo Peoples in a hard fought 2-1 match. Both sides kept a close on the scoreboard as the Nanakaland match against the Weegies had stated only ten minutes earlier. Obviously there was more at stake for the Kazoo Peoples who were fighting for the right to advance but Tynelia was hoping to move up to fifth with a win and Weegies loss.”

“Both sides came out aggressively at the beginning and the home team struck first early with a score by Brad Collins who had been quiet all tournament at the 19 minute mark. This quick goal got the crowd fired up. They were quieted a bit when the scoreboard showed the Weegies had taken a 1-0 lead on Nanakaland. No doubt inspired by the score update the Kazoo Peoples weren’t about to lose their cup chances that easily and came back with the tying goal at the 44 minute mark on a goal by Perknowleski. The half ended with the scores of both games tied at 1.

“The second half was back and forth, both sides attacking but not too aggressively fearing a breakaway the other way. The home crowd quieted as updates showed the Weegies pulling ahead first 2-1 and then minutes later 3-1. On the sidelines the Kazoo Peoples’ coaching staff and reserves kept yelling at the team that Nanakaland was losing to inspire them. Then at the 81st minute the socre became final. The Weegies had won 3-1 and there was no chance for Tynelia to move into fifth.

“On the other hand the Kazoo Peoples seemed to gain extra energy and momentum as they pushed the pace from that point on knowing they needed another goal to advance. Finally at the 85th minute Chadd Johnson headed a rebound that hit the crossbar into the open far corner and the Kazoo People took the led with only minutes to play.

“The entire team mobbed Johnson after the goal who somehow emerged from the crowd with a Tynelian Towel in hand and waved it around to the crowd in a mock salute earning their ire. The celebration went on and finally the officials were forced to give the Kazoo peoples’ coach a yellow card for delay of game ((ooc- not sure if they give them out for that in soccer but sounded good RPwise)). Finally getting the extra players off the field the game resumed and the kazoo Peoples ran out the clock for the win and more importantly the vital third place qualifying spot in the group. After the match Tynelian Coach O’Meara was seen congratulating the Kazoo Peoples’ coaching staff on their advancement.”

“The Kazoo Peoples advanced after outshooting the home team by a 16-13 margin though the quality shots were even at 3 each. Time of possession vaired. Tynelia had a two minute edge at the half only to finish the game down three and a half minutes in time of possession. So Anna what are your thoughts on the game and Tynelia’s effort in general.”

“While this was a disappointing finish to a strong second half Tynelia did managed to do what it had set out to do. Mainly prove it could play with the elite teams and break into the twenty point margin. They did both. They were a bit unlucky as they found themselves in the group that was tied for first as far as the highest point total for the third place squad and the highest scoring team of any that failed to advance. Against numbers like that they would have had to be nearly perfect to move on in this group. The offense as I mentioned many times was very slow to get going but grew more steady as the tournament went on and managed to get the scoring average to an even 1 goal a game. Their goals against was a strong 1.125 and was one of only two teams in the group to stay under 20 goals allowed for the tournament. They were tied for 24th overall defensively. They also finished just shy of the top 50 in points for the tournament out of 108 teams so they scored well above their rank going into this.”

“Yes Anna, they are by my quick count ranked around 20th among the non qualifying teams. Now they must take a wait and see approach. With Liverpool England bidding to host the Cup of Harmony Tynelia will just have to wait until they know for certain whether or not that will be invited. They are well positioned among the non qualifiers but with rumors that perhaps as few as sixteen teams may be invited Tynelia could find themselves on the outside looking in. Either way their effort should be applauded. They finished with only 6 losses, the same as Nanakaland and the Weegies both of which finished ahead of them and only 1 loss fewer than the qualifying Kazoo Peoples. A very strong effort.”

“A good start for Tynelia in its first major international soccer tournament. How well this run will translate to will be determined when the new rankings come out. And its possible that Tynelia could improve its standing if they are invited to the Cup of Harmony and do well there. We’ll all find out soon enough I’m sure.”

“That we shall Anna. And on that note we’ll be concluding our special World Cup coverage editions of Tynelian Soccer Weekly. If Tynelia does get the invite to the Cup of Harmony we’ll be back with more soccer coverage of the home team’s effort there. Until then this is Sal Spikeman for Anna Dalespin wishing everyone a good night.”

Jeruselem

23-03-2006, 14:28

Jeruselem Government News

Crusader Reserves run riot

Well, Group 1 was settled on MD17, but there was still MD18 to play.

Guus played his reserve team to see what the kiddies could do. CR Oscilloscopes was the victim and well, the kiddies did really well. Jeruselem beat CR Oscilloscopes 4-0 on MD9 and the reserve team beat them again. The scoreline was 5-1 so our reserves are that bad!

New Montreal States didn't have much to play for either but they beat the Athiests 1-0 anyway. Finishing 4 points behind Jeruselem is not a shame really.

Druida won their last game and well, too little too late. A good 2-1 win over some anarchists but Cuation had 3rd spot all to themselves already.

Speaking of Cuation, they lost their last game. Collonie took some pride with 4-2 win over the play-off team but for Cuation it didn't matter.

Group 1
CR Oscilloscopes 1-5 Jeruselem
Atheistic Right 0-1 New Montreal States
An Archy 1-2 Druida
Collonie 4-2 Cuation

Pos Team P W D L GF GA GD Pts
1 Jeruselem 16 12 3 1 47 12 35 39
2 New Montreal States 16 11 2 3 33 18 15 35
3 Cuation 16 8 3 5 26 21 5 27
4 Collonie 16 7 3 6 27 26 1 24
5 Druida 16 7 3 6 23 23 0 24
6 CR Oscilloscopes 16 5 2 9 14 30 -16 17
7 Kirstiriera 16 3 4 9 16 28 -12 13
8 An Archy 16 3 4 9 11 25 -14 13
9 Atheistic Right 16 2 4 10 15 29 -14 10

Analysis of group 1 form
Jeruselem - 1 loss in 16 games. Best result for Jeruselem in World Cup and they did top the group. OK, we are not Sarzonia or Audioslavia. GD was +35 which is meek compared to some other teams.
New Montreal States - 3 losse but 11 wins (one less than Jeruselem). All in all, a good campaign so far. 2nd best offense and defense.
Cuation - Grabbed 3rd despite themselves. Played well against Jeruselem but with 5 losses - they need to tighten up that defense.
Collonie - So close, yet so far. They could have grabbed 3rd but wasted some chances against low teams.
Druida - BAD start and good ending. Too little too late for WC27, but should improve for WC28.
CR Oscilloscopes - OK, 9 losses is not something brag about. 5 wins isn't bad and hey, there's WC28.
Kirstiriera - A bit of non-event but they did win 3 games. -12 GD isn't bad for 7th.
An Archy - Same as above except their goal difference was worse.
Atheistic Right - God didn't like them so they were last.

Chicanada

23-03-2006, 15:16

Chicanada Daily Rabbler
Home to Kodiak and Snow Leopard News

A Last Hurrah?
Dead Bears Walking Make Playoffs

Eastentown - A rather pathetic run by the Kodiaks as they end their final international appearance results in them making the playoffs.

Yes, we're just as confused as you are.

The Kodiaks, who have scored only one point in their final three matches and were easily routed at home to Audioslavia as well as being pounded by Arrida in their finale scored barely enough points to finish ahead of Kelse and squeak into the Playoff sectional, to be held in Fmjphoenix.

Resting most of the starters, who began to return back to their clubs, Yerevan Malli was forced to place frantic calls last night after returning from Arrida, trying to get club approval to use many players that had been on the squad. The surprise was the clubs, many which backed the death knell on the National Side, agreed, which means Malli should be able to have a full and angry side on the pitch against unknown

Kodiak National Side Schedule (Here wo go...back to 5th!)
MD01: W 1-0 v Pedriana (@ Moutainside Fairgrounds, Castille)
MD02: W 1-0 @ Ocmeoub
MD03: L 1-0 @ Commerce Heights
MD04: off day - plans for training in Kinsington
MD05: L 1-0 v Kelse (@ New Governess Palace, Kinsington)
MD06: W 2-0 @ Berner Street
MD07: L 2-1 @ Audioslavia
MD08: W 3-0 v Nedalia (@ Depot Centre, Cana)
MD09: T 1-1 v Arrida (@ Heartland Stadium, Goedi)
MD10: W 1-0 @ Pedriana
MD11: W 5-2 v Ocmeoub (@ BFC Pavillion, Bishop County)
MD12: L 3-1 v Commerce Heights (@ Island Clan Stadia, Palace Heights)
MD13: T 2-2 v Yafor 2 (exibition game @ Steelgrounds, Atens)
MD14: L 3-2 @ Kelse
MD15: W 2-0 v Berner Street (@ Coastal Stadium, New Glasgow)
MD16: L 3-1 v Audioslavia (@ Southampton National Square)
MD17: T 2-2 @ Nedalia
MD18: L 3-1 @ Arrida
MD19: v Majeristan (Lupe Grounds, Ariot, Fmjphoenix)

In notes only slightly relevant to footy, most people have tuned out of the NSWC, prefering to see the Kodiaks hunt for medals in the Winter Olympics (#1 in the nation on Northern) and the weird medal plays from the Summer Ylompics (#2, but barely, over on CanaTV). Canal will be airing the playoff match live, and while the nation may say they are over most expect Canal to win the night thanks to piqued interest in the club again.

On the political side, where the future of the National Side was determined, ChiLo and the Cantonal Assembly have agreed that the Communique is not a fair and just document, but have chosen to send the decision on passage or failure to the Supreme Council (ironically in Eastentown) for the final decision. In Colonial Assembly elections, the MSDP regained full control of the lower house thanks in a large part to their opposition to banning the team, scoring 290 seats, giving them a clear majority in the 500-seat Golden Parliament House and meaning they will avoid needing a coalition. Party Leader Jaque Villienue, expected to be named High Minister later this week, has said he will wait on the Supreme Council before ordering the striking or enforcement of the Communique.

Giant Zucchini

23-03-2006, 15:20

Yet Another Own Goal!
Episode 9: Harmony Awaits

Well…guess what…Mr. Green Couch Man is back in his chair. He’s a bit resigned to fate now, but he’s still upbeat.

“…and that’s the final whistle to the final World Cup qualifying match the Zucchinis will have under coach James Gorton, a decent performance against Becquerelia finally having the Zucchinis showing glimpses of what they were all about just 4 years ago. They still have another chance though, if they make it to the Cup of Harmony, it could be Coach Gorton’s final swansong…”

To be continued…

Giant Zucchini’s Department of Number Crunching and Data Spewing presents:

Match stats:

Becquerelia - 0

Giant Zucchini - 2
de Silva (42, 72)

Giant Zucchini stats:

Top Goalscorers:
Dino Nuvolari – 6
Johann Rilke – 5
Vicente de Silva – 4
Armand Boyer – 3
Gottlieb Poulsen – 1
Pablo Pérez – 1
Mikhail Glinka – 1
Absamat Chekhov - 1

Yellow Cards:
Carlos Corretja – 2
Ramón Gimeno – 1
Johann Rilke – 1

Red Cards:

Cataduanes

23-03-2006, 16:30

Islanders Disappoint

Needing a win and for the Anathematic Rep to lose to get to the play offs the Islanders knew that nothing less than a victory would do on their part. They faced Dance2Rev away and the odds were in there favour, that was until the match started. The Home side were very impressive in the first half and were lucky not to go ahead before half time with two good chances not converted by Zanrich Van Hujkdul, the Islanders seemed unable to match the Home side determination and look sloppy in possesion. In the second half both teams really worked for possession but a quick counter attack by Dance2Rev led to the Cataduanes Captain, Butch Tumitubo, bringing down Nalik Di Sakura in the box for which the Captain got a red card and the home side a penalty in the 53rd minute, Kinitka Maeda converted the penalty to put the homeside in the lead. With Cataduanes down to ten men the homeside began to apply pressure and in the 65th minute Andres Chavicano was sent off for a brutal foul on Dariji Skra who was injured as a result of the foul, Dance2Rev began to really push for more goals and the desperate defence by Cataduanes was breeched on the 70th minute with Zanrich Van Hujkdul scoring after a brilliant display of build up play. The game continued to be characterised by the sullen temper of the visitors who notched up a further 4 yellow cards in 15 minutes beforce Dance2REV finished off the match on the 88th minute with a brilliant 25 yard shot from Xinza Iijja to make the scorline 3-0. The shell shocked islanders were further shocked to learn that the Anathematics had lost to Tonissia at home to the tune of 3-1.

Coach Manua had no comment to pass after match and was seen to be simply shrugging his shoulders and lighting another cigarette, no doubt the dissppointment of failing to qaulify will take some time to eradicate but then again they have some time before the next WC. However for some of the squad, such as Butch Tumitubo, Francisco Mumbalo, Alonso Corino and Agustin Macalinao, this was a last shot at glory.

Audioslavia

23-03-2006, 18:37

http://www.geocities.com/lifeobrien/bull.txt
D'OH!
Unbeaten streak destroyed in final match against.... Berner Street?!?!

An Audioslavian b-side rounded off qualification in disappointing fashion against Berner Street, of all teams.

The 'slaves and Berner Street combined to producing an awful first half of football which saw mistakes and fouls dominate, with Kabaofo Alanila and Jackie Stuart collecting yellow cards. The second half saw more of the same, only with the 'slaves making more forays into the opposition's half. On sixty-two minutes however, with the 'slaves seemingly in control, they succumbed to a counter-attack and, amazingly, went behind.

The speedy Berner Street winger got himself past O`Shannaig on the right and cut inside, whipping over a cross from the by-line. Ciakhinisen came out to collect but was bamboozled by the swing of the ball, and only managed to direct it away from the box with his finger tips. Unfortunately, this took the ball away from Jackie Stuart and into the path of the Berner Street number 9 who headed the ball into the open goal for 1-0.

The home crowd of 19,000 went absoloutely wild, while the Audioslavians in the crowd and on the field went strangely subdued. Audioslavia kicked off again in search of an equaliser, but found an eleven man defence getting in their way at every turn. The best chance fell to Jari Saikonnen who, upon recieving a high ball over the top of the defence, found time to turn and lash a volley past the goalie, only to see his effort come back off the post. It would be the 'slaves best chance as the side succumbed to a 1-0 defeat.

FINAL SCORE
Berner Street 1 (Forward, 63)
Audioslavia 0

Pos Team P W D L GF GA GD Pts
1 Audioslavia 16 14 1 1 39 8 31 43
2 Commerce Heights 16 9 5 2 34 12 22 32
3 Chicanada 16 7 2 7 24 21 3 23
4 Kelse 16 6 4 6 25 28 -3 22
5 Ariddia 16 5 4 7 27 28 -1 19
6 Nedalia 16 5 4 7 29 37 -8 19
7 Pedriana 16 4 4 8 14 23 -9 16
8 Berner Street 16 4 4 8 15 31 -16 16
9 Ocmeoub 16 3 2 11 17 36 -19 11

On one hand, the result doesn't matter, as the 'slaves stay eleven points ahead of anyone on top of the table, and had already qualified comfortably for World Cup 27. If one was looking for another bright side, then the fact that the 'slave side who went undefeated for all of World Cup 24 - qualifying and finals - failed to get past the first round of the cup proper, drawing all three games.

In other news, both Chicanada and Kelse lost their final games, and so its Chicanada who get the playoff spot in Group Nine. Comiserations are offered to the Kelse team who have been an absoloute revelation in the tournament, and we wish them all the best for World Cup 28 and the Cup of Harmony if they're invited. Congratulations are offered to Chicanada, and the 'slaves are pipping them to overcome Majeristan next week to get them to the finals and, hopefully, save their football team from being disbanded by a heartless government.

For all the disappointment surrounding the teams from Nedalia and Ariddia, at least they both managed to win their final games. They were, after all, only four points from the playoffs, yet its not going to be too much consolation for two teams desperate to make an impact on the tournament, whether it be first time round or not.

IBJJ,G'NB

Hypocria

23-03-2006, 21:23

Old versus New

Palacetonia, pfft, who are they? An easy 2 – 0 win over the Eagles secured third place for Hypocria and rendered Legalese’s win against Lethislavania utterly meaningless. The final Group 4 table looked something like this . . .

Pos Team P W D L GF GA GD Pts
1 Sarzonia 16 16 0 0 64 8 56 48
2 Krytenia 16 11 3 2 43 20 23 36
3 Hypocria 16 8 2 6 20 20 0 26
4 Legalese 16 7 2 7 35 32 3 23
5 Lethislavania 16 7 1 8 24 24 0 22
6 Vuam and Isma 16 6 1 9 21 29 -8 19
7 Revived Constantinople 16 5 0 11 13 39 -26 15
8 Palacetonia 16 4 2 10 14 39 -25 14
9 Rorysville 16 2 1 13 14 37 -23 7

Sure, we were a long way off an automatic qualification spot but who cares? We’re now closer to the World Cup Finals then we have ever been before. A one-off match in which the winner will take all. Ladies and gentleman, I give you the lottery that is a playoff.

But who will the Hyppos be facing in Fmjphoenix? Ironically Hypocria will come face to face with the “New Hypocria”, Milchama. That’s right folks, another Atlantian derby. The Warriors finished third in Group 3 with 25 points. Which is pitiful when compared to the Hyppos mighty haul of 26 points of course.

There should be a great atmosphere when the too underachievers clash in what will certainly be an interesting battle of styles. Milchama, under Jamie Smith, favour an attacking style of play. Alex Santoro on the other hand has been placing much more emphasis on defence in this campaign, albeit with mixed success. This tie is so close to call. The nations are separated by just three places in the rankings and have very similar records in the qualifiers. We’re not even considering making a prediction. Instead we’re just going to wait and see.

Qualification Schedule

Hypocria v Rorysville (Drissa Sports Arena, Drissa) (2 - 1)
Hypocria v Sarzonia (Hyppodrome, Hypocrium) (1 - 3)
Rest Day
Legalese v Hypocria (1 - 3)
Hypocria v Vuam and Isma (Oceanside Stadium, Pylos) (1 - 1)
Revived Constantinople v Hypocria (2 - 1)
Krytenia v Hypocria (1 – 0)
Lethislavania v Hypocria (0 – 2)
Hypocria v Palacetonia (Hyppodrome, Hypocrium) (0 – 0)
Rorysville v Hypocria (1 – 2)
Sarzonia v Hypocria (3 – 0)
Rest Day
Hypocria v Legalese (Hyppodrome, Hypocrium) (0 – 2)
Vuam and Isma v Hypocria (1 - 2)
Hypocria v Revived Constantinople (Drissa Sports Arena, Drissa) (3 - 0)
Hypocria v Krytenia (Hyppodrome, Hypocrium) (0 - 4)
Hypocria v Lethislavania (City of Hypocrium Stadium, Hypocrium) (1 - 0)
Palacetonia v Hypocria (0 - 2)

Hypocria v Milchama (World Cup Playoff)

Sarzonia

23-03-2006, 22:21

Portland Press-Herald

Post Qualifying Honours

compiled from wire services and staff reports

Best team
Sarzonia. Any team that finishes a perfect 16-0-0 in a group some prognosticators described as the Group of Death in World Cup qualifying should be crowned as the best team without a single look at statistics. But the Stars scored the second most goals of any team (64) and only a bad outing in the group finale prevented the Stars from having the consensus best defence among the 108 nations that competed (eight goals conceded). It also had the widest margin between first and second of any team (12 points) and the best goal differential of any team (plus-56).

Best offence
Squornshelous. They averaged over four goals per match and an eight goal explosion allowed them to stay ahead of Sarzonia's pace for the entire World Cup qualifying run.

Best defence
Audioslavia and Sarzonia (tie). Both teams gave up an average of 0.50 goals per match, ahead of the expert practitioners of System Karela, who conceded nine times. Audioslavia finished with a loss in their finale and their goal difference wasn't as gaudy as Sarzonia's, but a plus-31 goal differential is still mighty impressive.

Worst team
The New Chakovnia. Other teams have worse goal differences and other teams were more futile offensively or defensively, but no one in the World Cup was worse than 0-1-15. No one.

Worst offence
San Adriano. They only managed eight goals in 16 matches, to the tune of a half goal per match, bringing new meaning to the chant "you couldn't score in a brothel." They also couldn't shake the schneid of having the worst goal difference among the 108 teams playing.

Worst defence
Shing-Shang. Forty five goals against in 16 matches might not be a big deal to a team like Squornshelous with its high-powered offence, but for a team that only scored 10 goals, it just gets you a wooden spoon and recognition for the worst defence in all of the World Cup qualifying campaign.

Best surprise
Majeristan. For a team making only its second appearance in the World Cup qualifying brackets, the Falcons have played meaningful football late both times out. The team is getting used to the defence-oriented system of Hatime I Ra~e and he's getting the most out of a team that's just now beginning to get its sea legs under it and has a chance at a berth in the World Cup finals.

Worst surprise
Chicanada. Yes, they still have a shot at the World Cup finals. But their national government announced that their first trip to the Finals (should they beat the Falcons) would be their only trip there, drawing the collective boos of the Press-Herald staff.

Cuation

23-03-2006, 22:30

Kazoo's here we come!

Well we best get the last match out of the way. Nothing more then simple pride was on the line but in a worrying devolpment, the reserve back line failed to come up to standard. This is part of a wider problem which saw Cuation concede a shocking 21 goals in 16 games.

Nicky Keano and Heksey Anderton both scored with headers from Giovanni set plays. Gary Jens, the star keeper of the last two World Cups was poor, allowing the fourth goal to slip between his legs.

Cuation have found an attacking side to their game but their decent showings in the last eight years has come on a solid defensive unit and the brilliance of Gary Jens. Is it general poor displays? Seems not, if we take away two close 3-2 loses to the giants of the group, the reserves vs Collinie and the humliating 3-0 loss to the Paladins, Cuation have only conceded 8 in 12 games.

So what is the problem? Well if Cuation where struggling, Gary Jens used to be there but this time was dropped for Seamen. Peter is a good goalie and can be trusted but when the pressure is on and a star is needed, he just doesn't pull it off. Is Cuation a team that cracks under pressure?

Another worrying thing is the teams inconsitancy. Despite going into the playoffs, Cuation suffered some humliating draws and and a loss to CR Oscilloscopes. Part way through, Cuation buckled under pressure like the last World Cup but this time pulled through, perhaps partly due to better luck and worse teams.

These problems used to be offsest by great wins like 3-0 over the Weegies in our first cup. This team we managed a draw with Jeruselem reserves but lost to the first team 3-2, got thrashed 3-0 by the Paladins before a credbile 3-2 defeat. Perhaps our big upset was defeating the resurgent Druida as we did but we should have done better against the big teams.

Play Off

It will be one match, at Vrelt Field, Dublin, Fmjphoenix. We had heard it would be home and away but no, Cuation must rise up to the challenge. 90 mins to decide if Cuation make it to the World Cup or go to the Cup of Harmony for the third time running.

The team we must beat? The Kazoo Peoples. A better side then us, we will go in as slight underdogs. A complicated formation will cuase headache for manager Jude to counter. Rual Mendiz will have to be on fire to beat Jim Johnson.

Can we win? Yes. Will we? The pressure may tell and Cuation will be going out at this stage. Andossa Se Mitrin Vega vs Kericia will have many Cuation fans watching, hoping that the Sea Dragons join Cuation in their World Cup.

Anathematic Republics vs Praying2God should not be watched by children or those that sue any game with blood in it.

Group 3

Jeruselem: One defeat to the Paladins says it all. Ran away with the group in the end and their reserves where too strong for some sides. Might need to step up a gear next round after such easy teams.

New Montreal States: Got themselves shocked a few times but where overall too strong for everyone below them. Three defeats suggests this side are not quite Jeruselem's level.

Cuation: Grabbed third place more due to the poor quality in the group and a shock 2-0 win over Druida. Only a point from the top two suggests we are not going to get far, should we go through the playoffs

Collonie: Last day 4-2 win over us disguised that this team lost form at a vital point, at first failing ot catch up with a stumbling Cuation but then slipping further away. Maybe the war distracted them? Or a lack of killer edge.

Druida: Poor start was followed by a charge up the table that was closer to grabbing third then the table suggests. This ravaged team can now build up for the next cup and will no doubt do better.

CR Oscilloscopes: Not bad for the first timers. We lost 1-0 to this lot and they managed four other wins in a creidble first qualifcation attempt. Have a lot of work to do if they wish to be a good side.

Kirstiriera: Didn't really show up but stayed off the bottom which is a credible achivment in itself.

An Archy: This is sad for us, a fellow 25 BoF team who loooked to become giants of the game are falling rapidly. They do not look like a team who will improve any time soon

Atheistic Right: Team at war, they became the wooden spoon of the group. Be harsh to call them poor but I think they have the potential to improve if they stop killing off their managers.

Andossa Se Mitrin Vega

24-03-2006, 00:58

Matchday 18 Scores (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showthread.php?p=10622198#post10622198) are available.

Playoff matches (Stadium where match will be)
Cuation vs The Kazoo Peoples (Vrelt Field, Dublin, Fmjphoenix)
Milchama vs Hypocria (Viking Stadium, Vanguard, Fmjphoenix)
Anathematic Republics vs Praying2God (Vallhala Hall, Spraat, Fmjphoenix)
Rolatia vs Spaam (Slope Stadium, Phonecia, Fmjphoenix)
Chicanada vs Majeristan (Lupe Grounds, Ariot, Fmjphoenix)
Andossa Se Mitrin Vega vs Kericia (Valia'taki Mehal, Waterloo, Fmjphoenix)

Playoffs will be neutral ground and it will be just one match. Good luck to those in the playoffs.
OOC - Dont know how I missed this one. Thanx Tadjikistan

IC-

1 Game With Qualification At Stake

The Sea Dragons of ASMV travel to Fmjphoenix to take on Kericia for the right to join the WC proper. The battle that it is sure to be will see the 56th and 58th ranked sides in what should be a great match.

ASMV will once again rely on their hard, physical defense to try to stop the Kerician attack. The defensive style has paid off thus far as ASMV enters the match with a negative goal differential (thanks Tadjikistan and Lovisa for that) but has played very well in the stretch run.

Kericia did very well in Group12. More points and a better goal differential seemingly make Kericia the favorite to win the match, but we have played spoiler before and hopefully will again in this one.

Now for our predictions on the playoff matches.

Cuation vs The Kazoo Peoples. This should be a great match, but Cuation has overcome the chalenges of a tough group. Hopefully our friends (Cuation) can pull this one off.

Milchama vs Hypocria. The new Hypocria vs the old Hypocria. Hmmmmm.. The Hyppos should get the win despite a great effort from the warriors.

Anathematic Republics vs Praying2God. Should be a long day for the guys from Hell. Praying2God easily through.

Rolatia vs Spaam. Despite hating the Spaam squad, we figure they will move through. Rolatia has been riding high but will now crash and burn.

Chicanada vs Majeristan. Chicanada is due for a great match, but Majeristan Has looked tough. Majeristan will just squeak in.

Andossa Se Mitrin Vega vs Kericia. Bet you cant guess who we take in this one.

Fmjphoenix

24-03-2006, 03:48

Playoff Scores (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showthread.php?p=10628331#post10628331) can be found here.

Milchama

24-03-2006, 04:29

Alexandria Times-Tribune-Post-Gazette-Chronicle-Journal-Enquirer

Sports Section
OOC: well its really front page but sport section works too.

MILCHAMA IN THE WORLD CUP!!!!!

That's right this is not a lie as Milchama secured their place in the World Cup last night with a win over Hypocria 2-0. This Milchama now being hailed as the best ever has after 4 tries gotten into the World Cup. We only have one regret that we had to beat Hypocria to get here, the Hyppos deserve this more than any other team and we are sorry that we had to beat them to get to this point. Coach Jamie Smith, "I can't belive it! We're in! We're in! We're in! We're in! We're in! We did it! What a game by all the players. We had to win this game and we did it, I think this team could go places in the World Cup." Now onto the match report:

The Warriors started off the match with a bang, as Elana Kilinin just missed scoring in the first minute. Then the game settled down into a much more even tone as Milchama and Hypocria fought for possesion and chances. This time though had some good moments as in the 23rd minute the Hyppos almost scored when Robert Bercali and Marcus Baxter teamed up with a give and go. Fortunately Milckey was there and stopped them without them getting a good shot off. Then 2 minutes the Hyppos almost scored but Dudamel hit a shot from 18 yards but the shot hit the post and rebounded right too Clay Finton. The Warriors went on the counter in true 3-3-4 fashion and that almost ended with a goal but Dunston Copperlee missed the ball and Floren's shot went wide. The game continued to be a back and forth stalemate as both sides looked for an opening to an attack. Milchama found one in the 43rd minute but Antoine Sanchez could not beat Tony Webber on the dribble so that attack was all for not. The halftime score was 0-0.

Second Half Report:
The second half began like the first half for the Warriors with a steal from the Hyppos and a quick drive down to a shot. This time though it was Darian Flinters and his shot was high and wide. The game again settled down as the Hyppos defense did not allow the runs of Kilinin and Flinters to be as effective as before. The passing of Sanchez did not help either as the Hypocrian defense seemed to be all over the place intercepting balls left and right. This forced a change for Smith as he put in Rintell in place of Sanchez. Johnny Rintell did not dissapoint as on his first run he ran thru 3 Hypocrian defenders before getting off a good shot that was saved. Rintell changed the game after he came on and the game started to swing in the Warriors favor. Rintell found Flinters on the outside after another spectacular run and Flinters then beat Victor Gredenko and took a perfect shot to the lower left corner of the net to score and give the Warriors a 1-0 lead. The Hyppos then went on the offensive but Clay Finton showed his skills again stopping shot after shot from the desperate Hyppo attack. Then they got a little too attacking in the 79th minute on a corner kick. Mills Thompson cleared the ball too Darian Flinters who rushed up the field before passing to Spot Nielson who shot a bullet past the sprawling Alexei Lomaia to score the second Milchamian and secure our first qualification to the World Cup.
Final Score:
Milchama 2 (Flinters 67, Nielson 79)
Hypocria 0 (Margeret doesn't like you)

Chicanada

24-03-2006, 05:06

Chicanada Daily Rabbler
Home to Kodiak and Snow Leopard News

Skipping Towards Confusion
After slipping backwards in, Kodiaks sneak into Finals again

Eastentown - Maybe it was the news that the Surpreme Council would rule later this week on the Communique.

Maybe it was news that the Union-Libs CFA presidum still said the National Side would be closed.

Maybe it was the knowledge that the Social Dems and Conservatives were more than willing to reverse the Communique...provided the team did well.

Whatever it was, Yerevan Malli was able to get the stars to align to give the Dead Bears Walking three more games.

An insanely lucky bounce gave Olani Pjan, a scapegoat during The Disaster, a chance for full redemption, as the Star Point captain used her short rest to score in the fifth minute of Overtime to give the Kodiaks a desperate 2-1 victory over Majeristan and throw the underacheiving side into the Finals for the second time.

And this was a nice change, considering the play in the last few games, as the reassmbled side did their coach and clubs proud with the attacking play and rather agressive defense - finally looking more like the team Malli wanted to play rather than the dazed and confused mass that were pummled by Audioslavia and Commerce Heights and were embarrased by a sweep by Kelse.

Kodiak National Side Schedule (Here wo go...back to 5th!)
MD01: W 1-0 v Pedriana (@ Moutainside Fairgrounds, Castille)
MD02: W 1-0 @ Ocmeoub
MD03: L 1-0 @ Commerce Heights
MD04: off day - plans for training in Kinsington
MD05: L 1-0 v Kelse (@ New Governess Palace, Kinsington)
MD06: W 2-0 @ Berner Street
MD07: L 2-1 @ Audioslavia
MD08: W 3-0 v Nedalia (@ Depot Centre, Cana)
MD09: T 1-1 v Arrida (@ Heartland Stadium, Goedi)
MD10: W 1-0 @ Pedriana
MD11: W 5-2 v Ocmeoub (@ BFC Pavillion, Bishop County)
MD12: L 3-1 v Commerce Heights (@ Island Clan Stadia, Palace Heights)
MD13: T 2-2 v Yafor 2 (exibition game @ Steelgrounds, Atens)
MD14: L 3-2 @ Kelse
MD15: W 2-0 v Berner Street (@ Coastal Stadium, New Glasgow)
MD16: L 3-1 v Audioslavia (@ Southampton National Square)
MD17: T 3-3 @ Nedalia
MD18: L 3-1 @ Arrida

MD19: W 2-1 [OT] v Majeristan (Lupe Grounds, Ariot, Fmjphoenix)

MD20: v ???
MD21: v ???
MD22: v ???

Now, the team gets a chance to rest again and head to their home squads in preparation for a Finals no one believed they could acheive again. While it breaks a irksome streak of fultility and helps to squelch the embarrasments of the club - the seven game loosing streak in international play the cup after our Finals appearance, playing down to their opponents last cup quals, the unproductive runs in the Cup of Harmony, The Disaster of Kinsington - but the National Team still must wait to see if it was enough to gain salvation from the axe swinging over their heads by the CFA.

Andossa Se Mitrin Vega

24-03-2006, 07:26

http://i14.photobucket.com/albums/a318/stormgiantxxxl/ASMVFNN.jpg
Sea Dragons Shocked and Speechless

This is Kellan Kildan reporting to you live from Fmjphoenix where the improbable has come true. As you may have guessed by all the blue and yellow confetti flying around behind me, The Sea Dragons have qualified for the World Cup! Yes we know, we can hardly believe it ourselves.

The opponent today was a very tough squad from Kericia. And everyone here expected to see a great match - and that is just what they were treated to.
The first half showed more sloppy play than great defense as both sides struggled with the pressure of the moment. Neither side managed a goal in the first half.

But then came the break and both coaches must have said the right things to their squads. As the second half began, it was decidedly better squads that took the pitch. Kericia was the first to take advantage and score in the 56th minute to put the Sea Dragons in a 1-0 hole.

It was the 79th minute before ASMV would get the equalizer. A mad scramble for the ball following an Evan Evans corner kick saw Pablo Iglesias punch the ball into the net. Then the defenses played exceptionally well, and everyone thought the squads were headed for extra time.

The 89th minute saw that thought come to an end. ASMV's Porche Alexander found some room on the right side and moved the ball deep into Kericia territory. And it was the most unlikely hero that came through for the Sea Dragons. Winger Tomas Carrington came flying all the way up from his defensive position to find himself alone in front of the goal. Porche found him and a great shot just beat the outstretched arms of the keeper. And the Sea Dragons had won. Unbelievably as that may sound.

Congratulations to Kericia on a very well played match.

WE ARE IN!!!

Now for the other playoff games:

Cuation 1-3 The Kazoo Peoples. The Kazoos proved too much for our Cuation friends. Lots of ASMV fans were at the match and witnessed the fall of their other favorite side.

Milchama 2-0 Hypocria. The New Hypocria overpowered the Old Hypocria - proving that they were very un Hyppo-like. Another of our fan's favorites down.

Anathematic Republics 1-2 Praying2God. Praying2God let them score at least. Better than I thought they would do.

Rolatia 1-3 Spaam. The side we love to hate will be around as ASMV plays WC Finals doormat. We are glad they are here. We will need company at the bottom of the standings.

Chicanada 1-1 Majeristan (2-1 AET). We knew this one would be close. Extra Time saw the Kodiaks remember they used to be really good at this game. Is this the beginning of a return to glory?

Great job to all the winners in the playoff matches as well as those not so lucky. Everyone in these playoffs has done extremely well.

Hypocria

24-03-2006, 20:53

*Sigh*

Another entry for the annuls of failure as the elusive dream ends for another four years. A playoff defeat to Milchama has condemned the Hyppos to miss yet another World Cup.

But fans across the Autocracy will still be enjoying the festival of football from Fmjphoenix and Bedistan and will be adding their support to our good friends from Bettia, Andossa Se Mitrin Vega and maybe even Milchama too.

And now we have a Cup of Harmony to prepare for. Thank you and goodnight.

Qualification Schedule

Hypocria v Rorysville (Drissa Sports Arena, Drissa) (2 - 1)
Hypocria v Sarzonia (Hyppodrome, Hypocrium) (1 - 3)
Rest Day
Legalese v Hypocria (1 - 3)
Hypocria v Vuam and Isma (Oceanside Stadium, Pylos) (1 - 1)
Revived Constantinople v Hypocria (2 - 1)
Krytenia v Hypocria (1 – 0)
Lethislavania v Hypocria (0 – 2)
Hypocria v Palacetonia (Hyppodrome, Hypocrium) (0 – 0)
Rorysville v Hypocria (1 – 2)
Sarzonia v Hypocria (3 – 0)
Rest Day
Hypocria v Legalese (Hyppodrome, Hypocrium) (0 – 2)
Vuam and Isma v Hypocria (1 - 2)
Hypocria v Revived Constantinople (Drissa Sports Arena, Drissa) (3 - 0)
Hypocria v Krytenia (Hyppodrome, Hypocrium) (0 - 4)
Hypocria v Lethislavania (City of Hypocrium Stadium, Hypocrium) (1 - 0)
Palacetonia v Hypocria (0 - 2)

Hypocria v Milchama (World Cup Playoff) (0 - 2)

Cuation

24-03-2006, 20:59

Kazoo Too Far

Fans Attack Team

The fans have invaded the pitch! They are clearly disgusted with the team. Oh my and they are hitting the players. Gary Jens seems to be getting the worst of it and Cuation security has already set up to protect our warlord. Now escuse me, I think I will help the fans.

One game where the team tried and gave their all, giving Kazoo's a tough match before somebody went through. That is what we thought would happen, what we got was a complete surrender.

It had started so well, Cuation kicked off, the ball was played in quick passing movments to Peter Seamen. He played the ball forward for Rio Samba. His long searching ball was flicked on by Tanner.Rual Mendiz beat his marker forpace, his low shot was blocked by Jim Johnson but luck seemed with Cuation as the hotshot striker got to the rebound and slotted it in. 1-0 with a minute gone

Within four minutes, Cuation where down to ten men. An excellent passing move split open the defence and Cort Izzone was clear. Peter Seamen came off his line and clobbered the striker. Red Card was shown, Peter Tanner subbed for Gary Jens. The defence had seemed fragile during the early minutes so the sending off was not an escuse we can use.
Cuation's defence was split apart so often and with Gary Jens failing to do anything of use, it was a miracle Kazzo's where not 3-1 with six minutes played. Eventually Cuation conceded the third and then the fans invaded. The Cuation FA seem unwilling to punish any fans, as long as the Sea Dragon fans where not hurt but the goverment has told the 12 players involved that if they don't do well in the Cup of Harmony, they will be jailed for High Treason.

The Sea Dragons have gone through and many fans will go to watch them as Cuation travel for the lesser cup to try and get to the semi finals again.

Majeristan

24-03-2006, 21:51

To: Emergency World Cup Committee
From: Majeristani Football Association
Subject: The Future of Majeristani football

We write this letter to you to express our utter outrage over the change in plans for the World Cup playoff that changed what had been a home-and-away pair of fixtures against another team to a one-off playoff on neutral grounds. Nevermind the fact that the Falcons lost in overtime after repeated calls went Chicanada's way. The fact that the original format was scrapped without consultation with the other teams involved in the playoffs indicates to us that the World Cup as a whole is severely flawed.

We faced enough injustices in World Cup XXVI when a team called System Karela were allowed to compete with what might now be considered an illegal formation that went beyond the normal bounds of a defence-first lineup. We faced enough outrages when the nations of Commerce Heights and Oliverry were allowed to run a World Cup bereft of honour and create outrage amongst several national teams. However, this last injustice is just too much for us to take.

We hereby announce that a vote of no confidence in the World Cup organisation as a whole has taken place and has overwhelmingly been approved both by the MFA and our nation's Parliament. In addition, the MFA announces that it wishes to withdraw from subsequent World Cups as an expression of protest. The machinations of the World Cup are far too political and allow for capricious decision making on the part of the hosts, and we shall no longer be a party to such misleading actions.

Perhaps one of these years, the nation of Majeristan will see fit to once again take part in the World Cup. However, the system you have is broken and many repairs must be undertaken before we can consider returning to the fold.

Yours in Allah,

Hassan al Hamini
Chairman
Majeristani Football Association

Starblaydia

24-03-2006, 22:18

From: Majeristani Football Association

We write this letter...

There were many reasons why Simeone Di Bradini was tired of the title of 'President'. The never-ending stream of letters, mostly complaints, was just one of them. Everyone seemed to want to take things directly to the top, the big cheese, the tip of the iceberg, the boss: Him.

The gist of the letter wasn't difficult to find, even with the briefest of skim-reads. Injustice, repression, favouritism and - oh look - it all boiled down to the writer being screwed over by said injustice, repressing and favouritising. Were that even a word.

It was at times like these that Simeone loved the fact there was a real log fire installed in his office. Perhaps some forward-thinking President in days when players played in handlebar moustaches and shorts so long you could sweep floors with them. Hold on, don't the Archregimancy still do that with their Friars? That was beside the point, however, the point was that there was only one place for this piece of literary nonsense. The fire.

Whoosh. That arabic-made paper really takes the flame quickly.

San Adriano

25-03-2006, 00:12

The football team of San Adriano finished their World Cup adventure with a one-three away loss to Jon Parkin – not that it mattered, as the team had long since been eliminated from the competition. With matchday 18 a bye-day for the unranked side, the players returned home, where they were loudly applauded on arrival. Their record of two wins, three draws and ten losses has been perceived as amazingly good by their fellow citizens, as has the fact they succeeded in scoring ten unexpected goals – while conceding only twenty-five.

“We’ve made our foray into the wide world,” team captain Et Wih said, adding that it was unlikely San Adriano would embark upon such an epic adventure again any time soon. “We’re able to come home today with our heads held high. We did the best we could.”

Her Royal Highness Princess Serena, the nation’s ruling monarch, personally welcomed the team back to San Adriano, and congratulated them warmly on their efforts and achievement.

“You’ve been an inspiration to us all,” she told the proud players. “You’ve helped remind us that even a very small country can shine if it has the determination to do well.”

The team will be received by the Princess at the Palace tomorrow morning, where they will no doubt receive official praise for their accomplishments.

Dorian and Sonya

25-03-2006, 01:28

D&S Postcount Awards

Now that the qualifying is over and 30 squads have punched their tickets for Bedistan or Fmjphoenix it is time to honor the great RPs that have taken place thus far.

Eighteen Match Days and the pre-RP have all been done and here are the results (RP wise)

35 nations managed a meaningfulpostcount of at least 10. 12 of those nations made it to 20 posts or more. It should be noted that Casari has the Ylompics to handle, Commerce Heights is running a Winter Olympiad, and the two hosts had no matches to RP. That being said, 80% of the posting was done by 32% of the WC27 participants.

And the "Hot Air" award for the highest post count goes to none other than Wentland with an impressive 31.

Here is the full list with 10 or more posts. Great job to everyone here.

31 Wentland
27 Sarzonia
27 Bequeleria
26 Bazalonia
25 The Archregimancy
23 Haraki
23 Swilatia
22 Andossa Se Mitrin Vega
22 Tynelia
22 Rejistania
21 Dorian and Sonya
20 Qazox
19 Atheistic Right
19 Green Wombat
18 Spaam
17 Audioslavia
17 Jeruselem
17 Mr Chuck Norris
16 New Montreal States
16 The Kazoo Peoples
16 Tadjikistan
15 Starblaydia
14 Krytenia
13 Schiavonia
13 Milchama
13 Georgeonia
12 Chicanada
11 Praying2God
11 Cataduanes
11 Squornshelous
11 Giant Zucchini
10 Cuation
10 Magnus Valerius
10 Casari
10 Hypocria

The Archregimancy

25-03-2006, 04:06

It was at times like these that Simeone loved the fact there was a real log fire installed in his office. Perhaps some forward-thinking President in days when players played in handlebar moustaches and shorts so long you could sweep floors with them. Hold on, don't the Archregimancy still do that with their Friars?

To: WCC Committee President Simeone Di Bradini
From: The Monastic Football Association
Subject: Footballing Monks

Dear World Cup Committee President Simeone Di Bradini,

While we certainly approve of your recent actions in dismissing the complaints of crypto-Arian Muslims, it has come to our attention that you hold some minor misconceptions about the nature of our national football team.

Our monks do not have 'handlebar moustaches', but rather beautiful flowing beards formed from the naturally growing hair granted to them by the Lord. We concede that some team members trim their beads for practicality's sake, but it is equally common for team members to tie their beards in place with what you might conceptualise as the monastic equivalent of a stringy-haired Argentine midfielder's hairband.

Secondly, Orthodox monks are not 'friars'. While we realise that you meant no offence, several team members are perturbed that the august president of our organisation would use a term typically associated with heretical schismatic Catholics rather that right-believing Orthodox.

Moreover, we draw your attention to the fact that even Catholics draw a distinction between 'friars' and 'monks':

The word friar is to be carefully distinguished in its application from the word monk. For the monk retirement and solitude are undisturbed by the public ministry, unless under exceptional circumstances. His vow of poverty binds him strictly as an individual but in no way affects the right of tenure of his order. In the life of the friar, on the contrary, the exercise of the sacred ministry is an essential feature, for which the life of the cloister is considered as but an immediate preparation. His vow of poverty, too, not only binds him as an individual to the exercise of that virtue, but, originally at least, precluded also the right of tenure in common with his brethren. Thus originally the various orders of friars could possess no fixed revenues and lived upon the voluntary offerings of the faithful. Hence their name of mendicants. This second feature, by which the friar's life differs so essentially from that of the monk, has become considerably modified since the Council of Trent. In Session XXV, ch. iii, "De Regular.", all the mendicant orders -- the Friars Minor and Capuchins alone excepted -- were granted the liberty of corporate possession. The Discalced Carmelites and the Jesuits have availed themselves of this privilege with restrictions (cf. Wernz, Jus Decretal., III, pt. II, 262, note). It may, however, be pertinently remarked here that the Jesuits, though mendicants in the strict sense of the word, as is evident from the very explicit declaration of St. Pius V (Const. "Cum indefessæ", 1571), are classed not as mendicants or friars, but as clerics regular, being founded with a view to devoting themselves, even more especially than the friars, to the exercise of the sacred ministry (Vermeersch, De Relig., I, xii, n. 8).

The Monastic Football Association does not believe that an apology is necessary - especially since what with Great Lent going on right now most of our citizens haven't even noticed - as this was an innocent mistake. But we thought we would nonetheless take this opportunity to note the potential for international footballing misunderstanding through the use of inaccurate terminology.

Yours in Christ

The Monastic Football Association

Chicanada

25-03-2006, 08:10

Worst surprise
Chicanada. Yes, they still have a shot at the World Cup finals. But their national government announced that their first trip to the Finals (should they beat the Falcons) would be their only trip there, drawing the collective boos of the Press-Herald staff.

OOC, but this is our second finals ;)

At least people now noticed the RPs on it :p

Wentland

25-03-2006, 13:05

The WFA meeting was a touch sombre following the FTQ for the WC. But as the committee were debating the problem of pea-less refereeing whistles, a telegram arrived from Dorian And Sonya. "The Gillibrands? From Whetstone?" asked vice-president Mr J. R. Hartley. "No, the country...they're distributing their media awards," replied Sir Charles Charles.

"It appears the Wentland FA has been given a Gold Award for Media Co-operation and Press Releasing. Well, huzzah for that."

Starblaydia

25-03-2006, 14:07

From: The Monastic Football Association

Dear World Cup Committee President Simeone Di Bradini...

Another day, another sackload of letters. They just never stopped, envelope upon envelope of always-top-priority mail delivered by an ever-increasing number of postmen. Perhaps the President should have his own postal code, or were the postmen and women of the world so eager to carry out their duties that even hand-scrawled notes with 'WCC Prez' in big letters next to a stamp managed to make their way to his door.

What did these old fools want now? Had he said something to undermine their bid for the next World Cup? Or were they going to offer him some kind of pre-humus sainthood? Perhaps not.

Simeone read the letter, his eyes ever-widening at the words. "The Monastic Football Association does not believe that an apology is necessary...as this was an innocent mistake".

He looked around, wary. There had to be cameras on him, his office was certainly bugged. Reading a letter and then immediately throwing it on a fire without bothering to reply was obviously not enough. They must be in his brain, he hadn't said those things out loud! He immediately screwed-up the letter and tossed it, along with all the other ones from blithering idiots, onto the fire.

He thought he heard something, the voices of a thousand holy monks chanting and singing in the back of his mind. He reached over and switched the radio off.

"Bloody classical music stations." He said, not-quite clearing his mind. One thought remained: What would an Alice Band used on a beard be called?

Bedistan

26-03-2006, 00:08

World Cup 27 - Group Draw

All matches in Groups A-D will be played in Bedistan, and all matches in Groups E-H will be played in Fmjphoenix. Venues will be announced shortly.

Group A
Bedistan (1)
Krytenia (15)
Lovisa (17)
The Archregimancy (30)

Group B
Total n Utter Insanity (4)
Audioslavia (13)
Spruitland (22)
Chicanada (44)

Group C
Hockey Canada (7)
Crystilakere (11)
New Montreal States (21)
Andossa Se Mitrin Vega (43)

Group D
Starblaydia (8)
Jeruselem (14)
Commerce Heights (24)
Bettia (26)

Group E
Eauz (5)
Squornshelous (9)
Turori (23)
Praying2God (27)

Group F
Sarzonia (3)
Rejistania (10)
Casari (19)
The Kazoo Peoples (32)

Group G
Liverpool England (2)
Tadjikistan (12)
Schiavonia (25)
Milchama (39)

Group H
Fmjphoenix (6)
Oliverry (16)
Vilita (18)
Spaam (41)

Schiavonia

26-03-2006, 00:49

The Schiavone Scribe
RETURN OF THE IGNORAMUSES!

Heh! Great news for everyone back home! We've drawn our favourite team in the whole world for the second World Cup in a row!

Yes, the Liverpool England Ignoramuses will be facing the Sloths at the second finals in a row. And the men in orange and scarlet will be looking to keep their 100% record against them.

The draw was also coincidentally made on the day when former SFF Chief Michael Ford was released from jail in Liverpool England following his five month sentance there.

Thankfully, though, he'll be safely locked up in a Schiavone prison when the two sides meet, as he has another 13 months to serve in prison back home.

Anyway, here's the full rundown of Group G. It wouldn't be much good playing the Ignoramuses three times. Fortunately, though, we are amongst friends...

Liverpool England (World Ranking: 2)
We know all about them. We played them four years ago, and won by a goal to nil. But then they beat us out of the group, and somehow made it to the final. We're better now than we were then, though. Wouldn't you just love it if we beat them again?
Prediction: Sloths 1-0 Ignoramuses.

Tadjikistan (World Ranking: 12)
Our colleagues in our bid to host World Cup 28, and a team worth fearing. But they always seem to choke when the going gets tough. They'll make the last four soon, it's just a question of when. Should ease past our boys.
Prediction: Sloths 1-3 Tadjikistan.

Milchama (World Ranking: 39)
Our previous co-host partners at Cup of Harmony 18, Milchama have actually followed their co-hosts through to the finals themselves. Where it'll be interesting to see how they do now they've been beaten to the tag of the new Hypocria by... er... Hypocria.
Prediction: Sloths 1-1 Milchama. Schiavonia go out to Liverpool England. Again.

So we'll do alright, but not great, and then come home again. But it'll be a party again. Yay!

The Archregimancy

26-03-2006, 01:37

THE MONASTIC TIMES

MFA DENIES BUGGING WCC PRESIDENT'S OFFICE
World Cup Draw Announced

By Fr. Nicholas the Scribe

The Monastic Football Association was today forced to deny bugging WCC President Simeone Di Bradini's office following rumours that they were reading De Bradini's mind.

"We absolutely reject these baseless accusations" said a senior archimandrite, speaking on condition of anonymity. Senior oneirologists from the Holy Empire, however, believe that it is possible that the soothing and calming wood fire known to exist in Di Bradini's office may have caused the president to doze off while burning his correspondence. "In this case, we cannot rule out the possibility that his dreams seeped into the Dreamed Realm and were inadvertently picked up by our colleagues in the Archregimancy" said Professor of Oneirology Elloco Le Fou. "Though I for one find it hard to believe that such a hard-working individual might nap during office hours".

Meanwhile, the groups draw for the World Cup finals were announced overnight, with the Archregimancy being handed the difficult task of facing number one ranked team and co-hosts Bedistan.

Group A
Bedistan (1)
Krytenia (15)
Lovisa (17)
The Archregimancy (30)

Coach Kyrill, Metropolitan of Solovetsky was said to be unconcerned. "I am unconcerned" he said.

Officials from the Monastic Football Association, while admitting the scale of the task facing the monks, noted that the Archregimancy had finished above the then 8th-ranked (now 10th-ranked) team Rejistania during qualification, and that second place in the group wasn't out of reach. "Our qualifying campaign has already been sanctified with success this Lenten season - and through God all things are possible"

Milchama

26-03-2006, 05:12

Chi Sun-Times-Tribune-Domestic-International-Star-News-Today

Sports Section

Milchama to lose agianst familiar teams

For once in our lives as predictors we will not be overconfident. That's right TLC, we expect to lose and not go any further in our first World Cup appearance. With the lowest seed in a tough group which includes the number 2 team in the world, Milchama will have some trouble ahead. Coach Jamie Smith, "When you get into the World Cup you know that there are no freebies. Every team that has gotten here has earned the right thru a touch qualifying schedule to get here. The fact that we got here is good enough for us this time around. Next time we expect to get past the first round."
Now onto the infamous Milchamian predictions:

Group G
Liverpool England (2)- The Terminators are winners of World Cup 23 and finished runners up to Bedistan in the last World Cup. This means that they are one of the best teams in the world and a team we fully expect to lose too.
Tadjikistan (12)- We have already played the Tadjiks in our disastourous World Cup 26 campaign. We lost to them twice and we expect more of the same here. Another loss for us.
Schiavonia (25)- Our co-hosts in the last Cup of Harmony. The helped us host our first international tournament and for that we are grateful. However, we need to get some points so thus we should draw them if not beat them in our last game.
Milchama (39)- It's been crazy the whole time for us. In our first matchday we were the "New Hypocria" then we beat the old Hypocria to get rid of that moniker and actually qualify in the World Cup. Then we got put in a tough group and now are looking to not go home empty handed.

The rest of the World Cup predictions:
Group A: Of course Bedistan advances thru and Krytenia will at their heels the whole time. The monks of the Archregimancy won't be empty handed though as they will finish third.
Group B: This will be a close group as the top three teams will all vie for advancement. This advancement though will go to the top two seeds of
Audioslavia and Total n' Utter Insanity. Although in their match we would not be suprised if there were a few deaths and many injuries. Spruitland will have to content itself with a third place finish.
Group C: Its the Canadians impressioners who will advance from Group C as Hockey Canada and New Montreal States will advance. Crystilakere does not have the stuff to advance and ASMV is in just happy to be here mode just like us.
Group D: Group of Death. 4 good teams will try hard to get thru with the two that move on when the dust clears will be Starblaydia and Bettia. Look for Bettia to spring an upset over Jeruselem in their match to springboard them to the second round.
Group E: This group is very top heavy and that is why the two top seeds Eauz and Squornshelous will advance easily. Turori after missing out on the World Cup last time will not rebound this time and Praying2God just isn't ready yet to beat two teams in the top 10 in the world.
Group F: Another very tough group. The top three teams could all advance and the Kazoos could very well spring an upset. The one thing we know is that Sarzonia will advance. They had the best record in qualifying so obviously that always bodes well for a World Cup. Then Rejistania and Casari will fight for the second spot. We feel like Rejistania is fading and Casari is rising so Casari advances. Of course we could just be saying that because we hate Karela but so what.
Group G: Look up.
Group H: This one is tough to call the second spot on. While it is clear that hosts Fmjphoenix will advance it is hard to figure out whether Oliverry or Vilita is better. In the Milchamians we trust and Oliverry is coached by former Milchama national team coach Jonathan Fairbanks. Thus Oliverry advances.

Jeruselem

26-03-2006, 05:53

Jeruselem Government News

D is for Death

The Group of Death - overused? No. Who is in our group, then?

Starblaydia - won all their games in World Cup 27 so far. That's 16 from 16 games. They must be hot favourite from Group D here. When you're hot, you're hot.

Jeruselem - (That's us, for the uninitiated) With 12 wins, 3 draws and 1 loss in their group, the Crusaders are playing at their best since World Cup 27. We will be tested as all teams are not making up numbers, most are real contenders for the World Cup. We must be are our best to make it with the Starz.

Commerce Heights - The folks who once knocked us out of a World Cup in playoff. Anyone who finished 2nd to a rampant Audioslavia (15 wins, 1 loss) cannot be a bad team just unlucky. Perenial World Cupers, they cannot be dismissed anytime.

Bettia - Nedalia's buddy team and they have to turn up when we play. Nedalian fans will have a problem when we play Bettia - who do you choose. This team get bettiaer (get it?) every World Cup, so watch for upsets here.

All teams here are seed higher than 30th, so no floormats here. All can win and all can progress. Only the Starz are really certain though.

Group D
Starblaydia (8)
Jeruselem (14)
Commerce Heights (24)
Bettia (26)

Hockey Canada's group. One look and it's tough like any group.

Hockey Canada - Outstanding form of late and hard to knock off. They must lift a little to beat off determined opponents who can breach any defense, but the Canuck defense is not something to dismiss either.

Crystilakere - The perenial Crystils are back and hungry for glory. They will make the Canucks watch their backs.

New Montreal States - The Paladins are here! They will test them. They had trouble with Jeruselem, but the Canucks and Crystils this will be BIG step up in class. They can upset the best on their day if it goes their way.

Andossa Se Mitrin Vega - Impressive new team. BIG BIG test as the other teams are more experienced and they must get a win from somewhere. No slacking for the Sea Dragons.

The Canucks with their defense should progress and the Crystil attack should allow them too. The others will make it really to progress but this is the pointy end of the World Cup. No whoosies will survive.

Group C
Hockey Canada (7)
Crystilakere (11)
New Montreal States (21)
Andossa Se Mitrin Vega (43)

New Montreal States

26-03-2006, 06:01

YEP, TIME TO OVERANALYZE AGAIN

Branstone taking situation entirely too seriously

NEW MONTREAL - William Branstone has barricaded himself in his office and has threatened to shoot any member of the press who attempts to force entry, going so far as to take potshots at a passing traffic helicopter. He's opened it twice in the past 24 hours, once to go to the bathroom, and once to take delivery of some Hunan Beef and Pork Fried Rice from a decent Chinese joint down the street from his office. In the words of the delivery guy: "At least he still remembered to tip 15%," so all is not lost in the stampede-in-a-glass-store that is our coach's mind. We suppose everyone has their ways of dealing with the group draw that just took place. So what, exactly, awaits the Paladins in Bedistan besides large amounts of extremely jumpy riot police?

Group C
Hockey Canada (7)
Crystilakere (11)
New Montreal States (21)
Andossa Se Mitrin Vega (43)

Eeeewww.

Hockey Canada - The last time we encountered them was in the CoH 14 semifinals, where we lost in a shootout after being tied 4-4 in regulation and 5-5 AET. We're pretty sure ten goals won't be scored again, but the odds definetly favor another win for the Canucks.

Crystilakere - They walked all over us last time. Not much has changed for either team since then, so the results probably won't change that much either.

NMS - Rah rah rah.

Andossa Se Mitrin Vega - We beat them in their own Dragonni Inviyatii just before this cup, in their home stadium. Someone's bound to have an axe to grind over this.

So what, exactly, are our predictions for this group? We're not sure, but we do know we'd rather take our chances with the riot police.

And what about other nations that might interest readers of this paper? Let's take a look...

Group A
Bedistan (1)
Krytenia (15)
Lovisa (17)
The Archregimancy (30)

Although His Beatitude Metropolitan Kyrill is said to be unconcerned, and attention (not to mention numbers of supporters) will probably be very scarce owing to Great Lent being in progress, this group is certainly going to be difficult to advance from, with a win over Lovisa a must, and at least two points from the other matches a necessity.

Group G
Liverpool England (2)
Tadjikistan (12)
Schiavonia (25)
Milchama (39)

After losing a losing contest against Hypocria, the Warriors find themselves in for a major spankathon in their initiation to the fraternity that is the World Cup. Since they seem to have been nice to us for once in their papers, we'll wish them luck, as they will need truly massive amounts of that resource to have a shot at getting out of this group, or even winning a match in this group.

Andossa Se Mitrin Vega

26-03-2006, 07:55

http://i14.photobucket.com/albums/a318/stormgiantxxxl/ASMVFNN.jpg

Sea Dragons Have Huge Mountain To Climb
More Likely to fall off

This is Kellan Kildan reporting all your WC27 news.

Yes, the qualifiers are over, and yet here we are still reporting. A surprise appearance in the WC finals to everyone - including ourselves. We may end up with a very short stay, but at least we made it. I know that will be enough for Sea Dragon fans everywhere - this time.

The draws have been announced, and the Sea Dragons will travel to Bedistan to play in a very tough Group C. Lets Take a look at the group:

Group C
Hockey Canada (7)
Crystilakere (11)
New Montreal States (21)
Andossa Se Mitrin Vega (43)

Now if you evaluate the sides put into this group, we really don’t stand a chance. And that is the optimistic view. Hopefully we can manage just not allowing any scoring records for the opposition.

Hockey Canada. If memory serves right, we face these guys in the WC25 qualifiers and had our……pride handed back to us on a silver platter. Look for more of the same this time around.

Crystalkere. We haven’t faced these guys before, but we do expect them to roll right over us. That #11 ranking looks very large from where we are sitting.

New Montreal States. We are familiar with these guys. They beat us in OUR tourney, in OUR stadium, in front of OUR fans. We will be ready for the rematch. And they also present the best chance for us to get a point. But don’t look for that to happen. NMS will be hard on the heels of Crystalkere, trying to remove them from the next round. And unfortunately for us, we will be standing in the way - and get bulldozed- again.

The end result will not be very pretty for our side, but Milchama issued this statement - “and ASMV is in just happy to be here mode just like us.” Ain’t that the truth.

Sarzonia

26-03-2006, 08:45

Woodstock Daily Mail

Stars hope to 'takil' a mountain

by Xavier DeMoraes
Special to the Daily Mail

25 March 2006 -- At least the Sarzonian national football team won't be playing in Bedistan. Yet.

Unlike previous World Cups in which the Stars invariably seemed to draw the consensus Group of Death or the host nation in the groups stage, Sarzonia's road to the knockouts has one relatively unfamiliar opponent, and one team the Stars have faced in two recent competitions. And they have Rejistania.

"We know we've got our work cut out for us. We always do in the World Cup proper," Coach Dave Wilson said. "We don't take any of our matches for granted. We've learned that lesson over the years."

To wit, the Stars (16-0-0, Group 4 champions) have never defeated Rejistania in top flight national football despite having several chances against the only four time World Cup champions in history. The Orange-Blues defeated Sarzonia in the semifinals in both World Cup XXIII (the Stars defeated archrival Bedistan in the third-place match) and World Cup XXV (Squornshelous defeated the Stars 2-0 in the third place match).

"We've tried just about every method you can imagine against the Orange-Blues," Wilson said. "We've tried playing karela, we've tried playing hetaki, we've tried playing our normal style of football, and none of it's worked yet. We're going to have to make sure we earn as many points as possible before we face those guys."

Sarzonia have faced The Kazoo Peoples twice, with Sarzonia coming out ahead in both matches, 2-0 in World Cup XXVI group play and 4-0 during the Dragon Invitational in Andossa Se Mitrin Vega. That history "doesn't mean a hill of beans," according to Wilson.

"They're a seasoned football programme now," Wilson said. "The team we faced in the last World Cup may have been just happy to be there in their first go at it. This time, they'll be a lot hungrier to do well. We know we're going to get their best shot."

As for Casari, the Stars have never faced them, but Wilson said the team is well aware of their success.

"Casari are an excellent team and their record in the last two qualifying stages tells us they're not going to be pushovers. They're pretty close to advancing out of the groups stage and making a serious run in the knockouts. They're also the 19th ranked team in the world according to the most recent ranks. We know better than to take them lightly."

The Stars will be picked by many prognosticators to sail through the groups stage, but Wilson said nothing in the group is guaranteed.

"History is against us," he said. "I doubt very seriously any team has ever finished an entire World Cup run without so much as a draw. We're going to have to buck incredible odds for us to be the first team to do that. We just want to go into every match and work to win that match and not think about the mountain ahead of us. You can't climb a mountain if you don't take it one step at a time."

Praying2God

26-03-2006, 11:11

OOC: Now that I'm back from the hurricane relief trip that I was on for my Spring Break, I can get back to RPing my progress.

IC:

WARRIORS EARN RIGHT TO STAY IN FMJPHOENIX FOR WORLD CUP XXVII FINALS
Victory over the Devil allows Warriors to stay in Fmjphoenix for Group Stage of WC XXVII

The Praying2God Warriors may have struggled down the stretch in WC XXVII qualifying, but they earned the right to play the Anathematic Republics in a one-match play-off in Fmjphoenix, that they won 2-1, and then found out that they could stay in Fmjphoenix, as they were drawn into Group E. The Warriors came up with the clutch wins they needed to close qualifying and earn their place in Fmjphoenix, and potentially a venture into Bedistan if they do well. However, it won't be easy for the Warriors, as they were drawn as the lowest ranked team in their group again. Things also don't look nearly so optimistic for the Warriors this time, though we have to hold out hope for the Warriors' chances to qualify at this point. Let's see who the Warriors have to take on to try to take the next step, into the 2nd Round.

Eauz (ranked 5th): The Warriors haven't faced Eauz before, but a top-five team is not a fun assignment to get when you struggled a bit down the stretch of qualifying. The Warriors will have to work hard to have a remote chance of earning a point against them. Predicted Finish: 1st

Squornshelous (9th): The Warriors haven't played Squornshelous before, but they have tape from when Pastorville hung tough with them in before, so there is some cause for optimism here, but not much. Predicted Finish: 2nd

Turori (21st): Turori has made a nice recovery from their WC XXVI disaster, where they finished last in their qualifying group. The Warriors have a mixed record against Turori, earning a win and a draw in four matches. They will also we tough for the Warriors to earn a point during WC XXVII. Predicted Finish: 3rd

Praying2God (27th): For a change, we struggled during the second half of qualifying, but recovered to win the matches they needed to at the end of qualifying. It is highly unlikely that the Warriors will go anywhere in this WC. Predicted Finish: 4th

Other teams and groups of note:

Group A: Forgive us while we pause to return the laugh that The Archregimancy had at our expense during qualifying, as they are hands-down the worst team in their group.

Group D: As in, the infamous Group of Death. It's the only group where the lowest ranked team is ranked higher than the Warriors. It is also the group that Jeruselem is in, against whom the Warriors have played pretty well so far.

Group F: Expect this group to be quite vocal, but quite predictable, as Sarzonia and Rejistania were drawn into the same group. Casari and The Kazoo Peoples are also quite vocal in the WC community.

Bedistan

26-03-2006, 18:52

http://bellsouthpwp.net/h/a/harleyt_1387/bsd_banner.png

World Cup 27 Bedistan venues announced

GRACEVILLE -- After several minutes of deliberation, Bedistan Football Association president Sam Bacon released the venue assignments for the Bedistani World Cup 27 groups.

"The venues were assigned based on a complex formula including proximity to one another and to nearby nations who will be playing in Bedistan, and then further tweaked based on projected fan interest," said Bacon. "I'm just joshing. We pretty much pulled them out of a hat."

GROUP A
MATCHDAY ONE
Bedistan-The Archregimancy: Fillmore National Stadium (http://www.prism.gatech.edu/~gth681k/wc27/FillmoreNational.jpg)
Krytenia-Lovisa: Orange Stadium (http://www.prism.gatech.edu/~gth681k/wc27/OrangeStadium.jpg)
MATCHDAY TWO
Bedistan-Lovisa: Orange Stadium
Krytenia-The Archregimancy: Fillmore National Stadium
MATCHDAY THREE
Bedistan-Krytenia: Fillmore National Stadium
The Archregimancy-Lovisa: Orange Stadium

GROUP B
MATCHDAY ONE
Total n Utter Insanity-Chicanada: Metrewalkstadion (http://www.prism.gatech.edu/~gth681k/wc27/Metrewalkstadion.jpg)
Audioslavia-Spruitland: Cheltenham Lane (http://www.prism.gatech.edu/~gth681k/wc27/CheltenhamLane.jpg)
MATCHDAY TWO
Total n Utter Insanity-Spruitland: Metrewalkstadion
Audioslavia-Chicanada: Cheltenham Lane
MATHCHDAY THREE
Total n Utter Insanity-Audioslavia: Cheltenham Lane
Chicanada-Spruitland: Metrewalkstadion

GROUP C
MATCHDAY ONE
Hockey Canada-Andossa Se Mitrin Vega: Porcupine Palace (http://www.prism.gatech.edu/~gth681k/wc27/PorcupinePalace.jpg)
New Montreal States-Crystilakere: Field of Flowers (http://www.prism.gatech.edu/~gth681k/wc27/FieldOfFlowers.jpg)
MATCHDAY TWO
Hockey Canada-New Montreal States: Porcupine Palace
Andossa Se Mitrin Vega-Crystilakere: Field of Flowers
MATCHDAY THREE
Hockey Canada-Crystilakere: Field of Flowers
New Montreal States-Andossa Se Mitrin Vega: Porcupine Palace

GROUP D
MATCHDAY ONE
Starblaydia-Bettia: Stadium X (http://www.prism.gatech.edu/~gth681k/wc27/StadiumX.jpg)
Jeruselem-Commerce Heights: Banton Road (http://www.prism.gatech.edu/~gth681k/wc27/BantonRoad.jpg)
MATCHDAY TWO
Starblaydia-Commerce Heights: Stadium X
Jeruselem-Bettia: Banton Road
MATCHDAY THREE
Starblaydia-Jeruselem: Stadium X
Commerce Heights-Bettia: Banton Road

Squornshelous

26-03-2006, 20:29

Squornshelous Cup Preview

Group A
Hosts, and number 1 ranked team Bedistan are everyones worst nightmare this cup. They'll run away with this one easily, but the fight for second place should be a very close one between Krytenia (15) and Lovisa (17). It's tough to pick a winner there, but we think Krytenia can pull it off. The Archregimancy (30) will be very busy just working to get some points in this one.
Prediction: Bedistan and Krytenia

Group B
This group looks pretty easy to predict, as the top two teams have a significant talent margin over the botom two, but the rivalry between Total n Utter Insanity (4) and Audioslavia (13) should keep things interesting, as always. Spruitland (22) and Chicanada (44) are just outclassed here.
Prediction: Audioslavia and Total n Utter Insanity (like last cup, that prediction is in no particular order)

Group C
Huh? How did Hockey Canada get so highly ranked? No matter, they'll find a way to fumble this one away, no that they've finally figured out how to qualify. Crystilakere (11) would of course expect to leap into first place, but we see tow opportunistic sides from New Montreal States (21) and Andossa Se Mitrin Vega (43) rising to the occasion to move on. This group will finish upside down.
Prediction: New Montreal States and Andossa Se Mitrin Vega

Group D
The Group of Death this Cup, if one goes purely by highest average rank among group members. However, with the highest ranking in the group being Starblaydia at 8th in the World, its really more like the extremely closely matched group. It's safe to say the purple people eaters, or whatever they call themselves these days will advance, but the other spot could go to any of the other three teams. Jeruselem (14) are a strong team, but we see them being just barely edged out by Commerce Heights (24). Bettia (26) will round out the group at fourth.
Prediction: Starblaydia and Commere Heights

Group E
At first glance, Group E looks very easy to call, with the top two teams at 5th and 9th compared to the bottom two at 23rd and 27th. However, when we examine the group more closely, it bears frightening resemblance to Group A from World Cup 17, which contained Eauz, Squornshelous, Liverpool England and Dance 2 Revolution. After the first two matchdays left Eauz and Squornshelous sitting in first and second, Liverpool England beat Eauz 3-1 and Dance 2 Revolution upset the Pschyhoes 4-2, completely upending the group. This group once again features Eauz and Squornshelous as the top two teams, and the fourth ranked team's name is bisected by a 2.
Prediction: Frightening

Group F
Sarzonia (3) and Rejistania (10) are the clear favorites here, with Casari (19) and The Kazoo Peoples (32) still being strong contenders. However, the attacking style of the Sarzonia and the defensive prowess of Rejistania should be too much for their groupmates to adjust to. The transition between those two matches will confuse players enough to create bad plays and mismatches that the better sides will exploit.
Prediction: Sarzonia and Rejistania

Group G
Liverpool England (2) will have an easy time of it here, but Tadjikistan (12) will not have simliar luck. Schiavonia (25) have played phenomenally, defeating Squornshelous, among others, in qualifying, really excelling themselves. They'll continue to do that, and Milchama (39) will be left bringing up the rear.
Prediction: Liverpool England and Schiavonia

Group H
Another group with a clear winner and a though fight for second. Fmjphoenix (6) will easily advance on their home turf, but Oliverry (16) and Vilita (18) will battle it out for second. Both will need to perform well against Spaam (41), who, despite their once great footballing tradition, may finish pointless.
Prediction: Fmjphoenix and Vilita

Audioslavia

27-03-2006, 00:14

http://www.geocities.com/lifeobrien/bull.txt
Total 'n Utter Retribution
'Slaves get another crack at the auld enemy

On a sunny evening in Bedistan, Audioslavia were once again drawn with Total 'n Utter Insanity in a World Cup.

Cheers and gasps echoed around the room the moment the 'slaves were put into Group B with their auld enemies Total 'n Utter Insanity. Throughout the hall minds were cast back to just four years ago where the 'slaves suffered a horrific 4-1 defeat at the hands of the Insanicians, and back to World Cup 21 where TnUI again came on top in the sides' quarter final match-up. Older memories would have remembered, or at least seen footage of, the 'slaves two victories over TnUI in World Cups 10 and 11, both matches finishing one-nil to Audioslavia.

Group B won't just be about Audioslavia and Total 'n Utter Insanity though. Also thrown into the mix are Spruitland and Chicanada. The former are a familar foe, although matchday one will see the first ever meeting of the two sides. Chicanada are all too familar. Audioslavia's first ever match against Chicanada ended in a shock 1-0 defeat for the 'slaves. The return leg of their World Cup 22 fixture resulted in a big 4-0 win for Audioslavia, but retribution was gained by the Chicanadans, in some way, with a 0-0 draw in the first round of World Cup 23, a draw which all but dumped Audioslavia out of the competition. Since then though, Audioslavia have had the run of the green, defeating Chicanada twice in the qualifiers for this very tournament.

Audioslavia's Chances

In a fictional land of Internet Football called 'FIFA' there was, a few years back, a pattern of events that lead to a nation called 'England' believing that it was their turn to win the coveted 'World Cup'. The pattern was called the 'Diamond Formation', and went a little bit like this:

1966: The Monarchist Democracy of England
1970: ---The Left-Leaning Footballing Nation of Brazil
1974: ------Die Vorsprung Durch Technik of Germany
1978: ---------The Right-Wing Junta of Argentina
1982: ------------The Scooter-Riding Greasy Former Fascist Nation of Italy
1986: ---------The RIght-Wing Junta of Argentina
1990: ------Die Vorsprung Durch Technik of Germany
1994: ---The Left-Leaning Footballing Nation of Brazil
1998: ???

If the pattern was to prove correct, then the winners of the 1998 world cup (or 'World Cup 16' to give it its proper name) would, most certainly, be England. Of course, The Cheese Eating Surrender Monkeydom of Le France would have something to say about that, but that pattern can actually be applied to this World Cup. Its true, there is a definate pattern:

World Cup 18: Some other git won it
World Cup 19: Some other git won it
World Cup 20: Some other git won it
World Cup 21: Some other git won it
World Cup 22: Some other git won it
World Cup 23: Some other git won it
World Cup 24: Some other git won it
World Cup 25: Some other git won it
World Cup 26: Some other git won it
World Cup 27: ???

Thats right. All the signs point to 'some other bugger winning it'. Hard luck Audioslavia.

The 'slaves, of course, will not win World Cup 27 in much the same way that they didn't win any of the previous World Cups. What they should be aiming for though, is the quarter finals, as a high ranking for World Cup 28 would give them a great chance of failing to win that tournament, but more spectacularly. What Audioslavia need, I feel, is a few semi-final appearances in a row to give them a good ranking. It has been proved that the 'slaves cannot win the World Cup even with a ranking of 1, and can not win a World Cup on home soil, but we tend to do better in those situations. The 'slaves put in a decent performance in World Cup 20, getting through to the final, beating Squornshelous 5-3, and unfortunately losing out to Vilita. What we need is a high rank, and for the tournament to be played in Audioslavia, and for the opposition to consist of nothing but An Egg (although even this has proved troublesome for teams in the past), and we may have a chance of, i dunno, possibly winning a tournament some day?

Other than that, our best hopes lie in failing to qualify for a cup and going on to win the CoH, although god knows we'd get knocked out in the final of that too.

I've been Jeremy Jaffacake, g'nite bitches.

Andossa Se Mitrin Vega

27-03-2006, 00:32

http://i14.photobucket.com/albums/a318/stormgiantxxxl/ASMVFNN.jpg
Sea Dragons To Face Canucks

ASMV recieved word that they were rewarded for making the finals of WC27. And that reward is by allowing the Sea Dragons to face Hockey Canada in their first match at this level.

"When you look at the match on paper, we just dont stack up well against them" said Head Coach Pao St Martinique. "But you can bet that we will be there playing our hard, physical defense. They might be the higher ranked side, but we have some pretty good players of our own. Expect Unami Banta-N'bai and Micah Swift to deal out some bruises whether we win or lose."

Team Captain Evan Evans had this to say. "We have our ups and downs. That fact has been well documented. We play well against the higher ranked sides and falter a bit against the lower squads we should easily handle. Look around. I dont see anyone left ranked 130 or worse. I like our chances. If you want to be the best, you have to beat the best. That's what we will try to do."

To be competitive against Hockey Canada, the Sea Dragon defense will have to show up in a big way. The squad has relied on that all along and now it becomes a must. But if the defense holds, anything can happen. And since this is not Lovisa, we feel the defense can do its job and put us in a position to perhaps steal a win against the group's best.

http://i14.photobucket.com/albums/a318/stormgiantxxxl/ASMVPitchChart.gif

Originally posted by Squornshelous
Group C
Huh? How did Hockey Canada get so highly ranked? No matter, they'll find a way to fumble this one away, no that they've finally figured out how to qualify. Crystilakere (11) would of course expect to leap into first place, but we see tow opportunistic sides from New Montreal States (21) and Andossa Se Mitrin Vega (43) rising to the occasion to move on. This group will finish upside down.
Prediction: New Montreal States and Andossa Se Mitrin Vega

A report from Squornshelous has actually predicted the Sea Dragons will advance with NMS out of Group C. We felt the need to thank Squornshelous for the vote of confidence, and we will hopefully live up to the expectations of that prediction rather than the greater majority that see us as the doormat of the group.

Casari

27-03-2006, 01:14

http://i16.photobucket.com/albums/b20/Casari/4sport.png

Group Draw Held
Team expected home in a week or so

The group draw was held. Need to know the details?

Sarzonia.

Rejistania.

Goodnight.

That's right. Sarzonia and Rejistania. We'll wait a few minutes for the convulsions to stop.

Ready?

Good, because here's the bizzare part. We might actually be able to make it. I know. You're going "You're crazy, TV announcer man!" But it's true. One win or even possibly a tie against one of those two along with a win against The Kazoo Peoples might be enough, expecally if Sarzonia and Rejistania get to trying to destroy each other in their match.

It'd take a little luck, but it can be done. Or we'll fail horribly like most responsible people expect us to. Either way, it's been a decent run, eh?

The Archregimancy

27-03-2006, 02:00

[Audioslavia's Chances

In a fictional land of Internet Football called 'FIFA' there was, a few years back, a pattern of events that lead to a nation called 'England' believing that it was their turn to win the coveted 'World Cup'. The pattern was called the 'Diamond Formation', and went a little bit like this:

1966: The Monarchist Democracy of England
1970: ---The Left-Leaning Footballing Nation of Brazil
1974: ------Die Vorsprung Durch Technik of Germany
1978: ---------The Right-Wing Junta of Argentina
1982: ------------The Scooter-Riding Greasy Former Fascist Nation of Italy
1986: ---------The RIght-Wing Junta of Argentina
1990: ------Die Vorsprung Durch Technik of Germany
1994: ---The Left-Leaning Footballing Nation of Brazil
1998: ???

If the pattern was to prove correct, then the winners of the 1998 world cup (or 'World Cup 16' to give it its proper name) would, most certainly, be England. Of course, The Cheese Eating Surrender Monkeydom of Le France would have something to say about that, but that pattern can actually be applied to this World Cup. Its true, there is a definate pattern:

The Monastic Football Association would like to offer Audioslavia words of encouragement by pointing out that the 'diamond formation' of this fictional alternate reality does in fact work. And can be extended back to 1958.

1958:The Left-Leaning Footballing Nation of Brazil wins in Europe
1962: -The Left-Leaning Footballing Nation of Brazil
1966: --The hosts win their only title at home
1970: ---The Left-Leaning Footballing Nation of Brazil
1974: ------Die Vorsprung Durch Technik of Germany
1978: ---------The Right-Wing Junta of Argentina
1982: ------------The Scooter-Riding Greasy Former Fascist Nation of Italy
1986: ---------The RIght-Wing Junta of Argentina
1990: ------Die Vorsprung Durch Technik of Germany
1994: ---The Left-Leaning Footballing Nation of Brazil
1998: --The hosts win their only title at home
2002: -The Left-Leaning Footballing Nation of Brazil
2006: The Left-Leaning Footballing Nation of Brazil win in Europe?

Oh, hang on... if the pattern works, that means Audioslavia will win.... absolutely nothing?

Whoops. Sorry. It's probably un-Christian to point that out.

New Montreal States

27-03-2006, 05:08

The Ministry of Morale would like to point out a trend in this fictional reality that might render the Archregimancy's predicitions inaccurate:

THE HYPERBOLIC CURVE OF THE DAMNYANKEE FOOTBALL SIDE

1930s-1990: Sucking it up to the point of losing to Canada.
1994: Sucks, abeit somewhat less than before.
1998: Now at the point where they can beat about 160 other nations without breaking a sweat.
2002: Upsetting hosts who already had an axe to grind after that speed-skating call at the Olympics.
2006: First every championship for a nation that tunes in once every four years.

Seriously, it's gotten to the point where the Mexicans are afraid to leave the Azteca, and nobody else north of Panama can hope to keep them out of the Cup. This would imply that ORD would have won, had he entered, but that HC, after shooting up the charts in two Cups after not making it after five, would be the favorites for the championship.

The Archregimancy

27-03-2006, 07:17

The Monastic Football Association would like to gently correct a misconception held by our Orthodox cousins in New Montreal States:

THE HYPERBOLIC CURVE OF THE DAMNYANKEE FOOTBALL SIDE

1930s-1990: Sucking it up to the point of losing to Canada.
1994: Sucks, abeit somewhat less than before.
1998: Now at the point where they can beat about 160 other nations without breaking a sweat.
2002: Upsetting hosts who already had an axe to grind after that speed-skating call at the Olympics.
2006: First every championship for a nation that tunes in once every four years.

If this fictional reality were to ever impact our own World Cup, it's worth pointing out that these 'damned yankees' (though for what reason their souls burn in eternal torment escapes us) are said to have reached the semi-finals in 1930, and - while undoubtedly 'sucking' - pulled off one of the greatest upsets in World Cup history in 1950 in their only appearance between the 1930s and 1990.

Surely a much better analogy would be Alasdair I Frosticus, who were sort of OK in the very early years, beat Commerce Heights [I think] in their only appearance since, and on this theory would be the 5th-ranked team in the world in only four world cups should they ever choose to re-enter on regular basis.

Hmmmmmm........

None of which offers much encouragement to Audioslavia in the current tournament as the 'slaves no doubt want us to come up with an example of someone _breaking_ a pattern....

Fmjphoenix

27-03-2006, 07:42

Matchups and venues for Fmjphoenix groups announced

Vanguard: In Fmjphoenix's sports capital, the President of the Football Association of Fmjphoenix Jorge Mendel, announced today the schedule and venues for the World Cup 27 Group Stage to be held in Fmjphoenix. There was no special setup for how they picked who plays where. Even though it is not confirmed, rumors say that each team was put on a dartboard with stadiums representing darts. But this reporter does not know for sure.

GROUP E
MATCHDAY ONE
Eauz - Praying2God: Valia'taki Mehal
Squornshelous - Turori: Caribunity Stadium
MATCHDAY TWO
Eauz - Turori: Caribunity Stadium
Squornshelous - Praying2God: Valia'taki Mehal
MATCHDAY THREE
Eauz - Squornshelous: Valia'taki Mehal
Turori - Praying2God: Caribunity Stadium

GROUP F
MATCHDAY ONE
Sarzonia - The Kazoo Peoples: el estadio grande de los va'takil'ny
Rejistania - Casari: Vrelt Field
MATCHDAY TWO
Sarzonia - Casari: Vrelt Field
Rejistania - The Kazoo Peoples: el estadio grande de los va'takil'ny
MATHCHDAY THREE
Sarzonia - Rejistania: el estadio grande de los va'takil'ny
Casari - The Kazoo Peoples: Vrelt Field

GROUP G
MATCHDAY ONE
Liverpool England - Milchama:Vallhala Hall
Tadjikistan - Schiavonia: Lupe Grounds
MATCHDAY TWO
Liverpool England - Schiavonia: Lupe Grounds
Tadjikistan - Milchama: Vallhala Hall
MATCHDAY THREE
Liverpool England - Tadjikistan: Vallhala Hall
Schiavonia - Milchama: Lupe Grounds

GROUP H
MATCHDAY ONE
Fmjphoenix - Spaam: Slope Stadium
Oliverry - Vilita: Viking Stadium
MATCHDAY TWO
Fmjphoenix - Vilita: Viking Stadium
Oliverry - Spaam: Slope Stadium
MATCHDAY THREE
Fmjphoenix - Oliverry: Viking Stadium
Vilita - Spaam: Slope Stadium

Spruitland

27-03-2006, 08:23

‘B’ for Bee bop a loola

So sue us, that was the best acronym we could come up with. ‘Better luck next time’ and ‘Bananas!’ were the runners-up. In a word, Boring. Or perhaps, Braindead. But yeah, so we’re in group B, hurray!

“It’s as good a letter as any,” Spruitland forward Chico Provoost commented. “And it’s pretty high up on the alphabetical ranking, so that’s always good. Though I suppose A would have been better then. Like when I need a plumber, I always call AA Plumbing, because they’re right on top of the list in the yellow pages. And their employees don’t drink on the job either. But anyway, yeah, B’s not too bad either, I guess.”

“Who?” was Provoost’s first reaction when looking at the other teams in group B. “Oh yeah, Audioslavia. They suck, they said so themselves. And Total’n’Utter Insanity, they’re just coasting on past success. I read that somewhere. And Chicanada, hmmm, I’ve heard of those. Don’t they grow bananas or something?”

With three failed attempts at reaching the second round under their belt, the Wabbits will be hoping to do better this time. But if they do crash and burn in the group stage – which, let’s be honest, wouldn’t exactly be a surprise – Spruitland coach Cor Bensen has his plan for the future all ready.

“If we go out in the groups, we quit,” Bensen smiles. “Not for real, of course, it’ll just be a threat, hoping that the next Cup hosts will have pity on us, and we’ll miraculously reach the semi finals. Hey, it’s worked in the past, it could work for us as well.”

Tadjikistan

27-03-2006, 13:50

We're gonna suck!
By Simon Grinchik, part time sportsjournalist

Group G
Liverpool England (2)
Tadjikistan (12)
Schiavonia (25)
Milchama (39)

The by now infamous Tomislav Belanov and Georgi Shpagin are back from the shadows to throw dirt at everything Tadjik in this World Cup. Only few people got good points the last time and this evaluation wont be any different

While the whole nation spit them out after the successes of player-coach Pliiev, recent predictions opened the door again for them to critisize the national team. Supporting his arguments by Tadjikistans current ranking Georgi Shpagin pointed at the teams failure to impress him in the last match of the qualifications and bad predictions in other nations:

Group G
Liverpool England (2) will have an easy time of it here, but Tadjikistan (12) will not have simliar luck.

'One-nil against Georgonia, a side that can barely write its own name. I am not surprised that we lost 3 places on the KBP ranking! And I fully agree with this preview that places us in third position. The way we sucked through the qualifications should be an indication of what we must expect during the group stages; draws and losses. And maybe, I repeat maybe, a win against Milchama and I only say that because we've got a few good players left.'

Despite this comment, Alexander Zaev refused to give in to Shpagins idea's and countered them by saying 'If the Tigers were able to beat Lovisa and Giant Zucchini, then why should we have trouble beating Shiavonia and Milchama? Even Liverpool England can be beaten with the current team.'

'I for one think its a good idea to bring the World Cup to Tadjikistan' Belanov said in response 'The home advantage means we will actually stand a chance against higherranked sides. Now lets be realistic, In 15 World Cups, we managed to reach the quarterfinals once, ONCE! What makes Zaev think its going to be any different this time? Noone could deny that Belanov had a point, though few were willing to admit it. This will be a World Cup of everything or nothing. Most fans are hoping for everything offcourse but they all fear that it will be nothing.

Tadjik Prediction: by G. Shpagin
1) Liverpool England
2) Shiavonia
3) Milchama
4) Tadjikistan

Shpagin's sidenote: 'We'll probably have as much points as Milchama does, in which case we should be happy.'

Starblaydia

27-03-2006, 16:36

Starblaydia Coming For The Cup, Again!
Routine Win, Unknown Outcome and Score Draw expected

Starblaydia find themselves at a familiar stage of the World Cup, having Qualified for World Cup 27's Finals in Bedistan. This is actually Starblaydia's eleventh appearance at a World Cup, from thirteen attempts - with one Championship victory to their name.

The architect of that win, Menecrates, is now a thirty-two year-old veteran of the game, but he's still as good as ever. Captaining Starblaydia in what will be his final appearance in a World Cup, fans are expected to go to Bedistan in numbers not seen before. Starblaydia have as good a shot at the World Title as they've ever had before. That good-old blend of youth and experience is working well, and even 'Cisco Ibanez has calmed down some at Right-Back. Just a yellow card each game, then, rather than a red.

As always, it's the last shot for a number of players. Cherry Garcia for instance, along with Menecrates and Jaime Oberlander, is attempting to regain her place in the world's elite with another Cup victory, while young players such as Dasha Tokacheva and Paul Noble will be making another one - if not two - such attempts in the future.

Starblaydia's schedule for this Cup sees them in Bedistan, playing all of their Group games in the 'Stadium X', Lolestu. The crosses of St George seen draped all around the stadium in its press shot (http://www.prism.gatech.edu/~gth681k/wc27/StadiumX.jpg) will only be a bonus for Starblaydia, who's national patron saint is, quite handily, Saint George. First up for Starblaydia is region-mates Bettia, who have been faced and defeated in the AOCAF over many years previous. Jeruselem, however, are perhaps the biggest opponents for Starblaydia, despite the two teams having practically no history of competition between them. Starblaydia and Commerce Heights, on the other hand, will be a predictable 2-2 or 3-3 draw if historical results are anything to go by, with the two sides famous for failing to beat each other on many occasions in Quallifying and Finals play.

Bettia

27-03-2006, 16:56

It's that time again and throughout the Blessed Realm anticipation is rife, as is the sight of Bettians exodusing in their tens of thousands over the northern borders to see their beloved Aroras in World Cup action, and this anticipation is no more than evident than in the Pie and Pixie, that oh-so-popular sports cafe on Pifton High Street.

As per usual, the streets of Pifton (and indeed the rest of Bettia) are deserted as the nation sits down ready for the Aroras' opening match against the 'Blaydis - or at least, they usually are. Two of the Pie's regulars are busy charting Bettia's path into the 2nd Round (rather optimistically, the writer adds), when their perpetually late pal George enters in a flustered state.

"Oi George, you're an hour late! You almost missed the kickoff!" shouts Ali.

"Oh good, you're here," George. "You won't believe the hassle I've had getting here. There's people everywhere."

"You're kidding right? Why would there be street celebrations BEFORE we beat Starblaydia?" (dammit, the writer's getting over-optimistic again...)

"Eh? No no, that's not what this is about." he says. "Some guy down the road's saying he saw a pixie running through his back garden."

"A WHAT?!" say Ali and Pred after picking their jaws up off the table.

"A pixie."

"That's bollocks that is." Ali tutted. "Everyone knows pixies don't exist."

"That's what I tried telling 'em, but the idiots wouldn't listen... they're all out in force, holding up the traffic trying to get a look. Twats."

"Did this guy say what it looked like?"

"Apparently it's short, fat, and wearing a small blue dress."

"Heh." Ali chuckled "It's probably an arora in drag. They'll go for anything with frills!"

"Hey George." Ali said abruptly, pointing at the TV. "Ain't your boy Gethin at this match?"

"Yep. In fact, why don't I give him a ring right now?"

And so the scene cuts to Stadium X in downtown Lolestu, Bedistan. The gathered masses of Bettian and Starblaydi fans have turned the ground into a sea of green and purple - a stirring sight for football supporters, not so stirring if you're an interior designer. Somewhere in the Bettian half of the
ground, a polyphonic redition of the latest smash hit by Bettian rapper DJ
Dossa somehow makes itself heard.

"Hello? HELLO?! Oh hi Dad! Yer gonna have to speak up, its a bit loud here... I SAID YOU'LL HAVE TO SPEAK UP, IT'S A BIT LOUD HERE!"

No chance. As soon as he says those magic words the teams emerge from the tunnel, accompanied by a major rise in decibels and a blizzard of crudely-cut green confetti. Being a good lad, Gethin keeps the phone on just so his dear old dad can sample the atmosphere - mind you, there's only so much atmosphere you can convey down Tecnasi's latest 3G offering. There's just no substitute for being in the middle of a stirring rendition of 'Brothers of Bettia', as performed by tens of thousands of 'Rora Boyz all singing in unison, right up to the final lines...

Our enemies may scorn us,
So rise up and join us,
Cry out as one - BETTIA! BETTIA!!

And so Bettia's World Cup campaign is about to start - but how soon will it end?

Chicanada

27-03-2006, 17:10

Chicanada Daily Rabbler
Home to Kodiak and Snow Leopard News

The Final Hurrah?
After slipping backwards in, Kodiaks sneak into Finals again

Eastentown - Ouch.

That could easily be the article published today.

Chicanada, the last team ranked for the pots at #44, got by far a complicated group to move out of in hopes of saving their team as well as making their first ever Knockout stage appearance in their second cup Finals.

We start off against Total n Utter Insanity. The highest-ranked team the Kodiaks have ever faced, TnUI's playing style will be hard to pin down by Malli and the lot, making the team probably more defensive rather than implementing the Marginal Diamond style that was only recently been working correctly. We'd be wise to peg this one a loss on the Kodiaks.

Our second game is against Audioslavia, who beat us 1-0 and 3-1 this recent term, although the Kodiaks are 1-1-3 against the 'slaves. The Kodiaks ruined their chances of qualifying for World Cup 23, and the team could spring the trap to keep them out again. We're thinking a tie here, which could help move the Kodiaks on depending on their final game.

The Finale of the Group Stage is against Spruitland, who at #22 is still well ahead of the Kodiaks, but this team is also known for choking in the Group Stage, which could be the match Chicanada needs to score their first ever win in the Finals. Although a tie is probably a safer bet, we'd be unwise to think a breakthrough win can occur.

Are we being to positive? Of course, 0-0-3 is what everyone expects the team to do. But a 0-2-1 or even a 1-1-1 could sneak the Kodiaks into the Second round depending on how thinks break out (and if TnUI continues to do well based on past experiences, dontchaknow). While WC23 Kodiaks were a shining beacon of things to come, WC27 Kodiaks are a group fighting to survive, and that might be just enough of a reason to think they could be a very bad opponent to take on.

So, when we get blown out by TnUI 6-0, we'll throw this away and expect the Council and the MSDP to let the team die.

Kodiak National Side Schedule
MD01: W 1-0 v Pedriana (@ Moutainside Fairgrounds, Castille)
MD02: W 1-0 @ Ocmeoub
MD03: L 1-0 @ Commerce Heights
MD04: off day - plans for training in Kinsington
MD05: L 1-0 v Kelse (@ New Governess Palace, Kinsington)
MD06: W 2-0 @ Berner Street
MD07: L 2-1 @ Audioslavia
MD08: W 3-0 v Nedalia (@ Depot Centre, Cana)
MD09: T 1-1 v Arrida (@ Heartland Stadium, Goedi)
MD10: W 1-0 @ Pedriana
MD11: W 5-2 v Ocmeoub (@ BFC Pavillion, Bishop County)
MD12: L 3-1 v Commerce Heights (@ Island Clan Stadia, Palace Heights)
MD13: T 2-2 v Yafor 2 (exibition game @ Steelgrounds, Atens)
MD14: L 3-2 @ Kelse
MD15: W 2-0 v Berner Street (@ Coastal Stadium, New Glasgow)
MD16: L 3-1 v Audioslavia (@ Southampton National Square)
MD17: T 3-3 @ Nedalia
MD18: L 3-1 @ Arrida

MD19: W 2-1 [OT] v Majeristan (Lupe Grounds, Ariot, Fmjphoenix)

MD20: v Total n Utter Insanity (Metrewalkstadion, Metrewalk, Bedistan)
MD21: v Audioslavia (Cheltenham Lane, New Haverford, Bedistan)
MD22: v Spruitland (Metrewalkstadion, Metrewalk, Bedistan)

Meanwhile, in what has finally become international news, the Supreme Council is STILL deciding if the government's Do-Or-Die Communique is legal and can be enforced, stalling MSDP plans to reverse the decision (should the Communique pass the Council vote) in the Colonial Assembly, with the upper chamber Cantonal Assembly giving their blessing to passing the reverse.

The CFA, however, seems to care less and continues to state there will be no fielding of a team unless the squad reaches the Quaterfinals. Reappointed CSF Presidum Jaquee has stated publicly she will support any action taken by the government to reverse the Communique, while privately trying to pry out CFA Presidum Flioan Quoshen, one of the last few Union-Liberals still in power after last months (Thursday last week) massive vote which reinstatled the majority MSDP.

The Kazoo Peoples

27-03-2006, 23:50

We have to deliver this notice to you, the readers of this great publication...:

The Kazoo City Courier would like to apologise to all of its faithful subscribers. Apparently someone thought it would be funny to infect our computers (where our digital version is distributed) with a virus, which, on all infected computers, showed a monkey... doing something that monkeys shouldn't be doing. And, no, we won't tell you what it is (okay, fine, we will. They were doing stand-up comedy. What were you thinking, you perv?). And now you may be wondering what happened to our print version. Well, two things happened. The first was that there was a massive paper jam in one of our huge printing presses. At the same instant, our press operators took up signs and picketed outside of our building. We made negotiations with them, and after their reinstatement, they removed a rubber chicken from deep within the press. So, to say the least, that is why you haven't been hearing anything from us for a while.

And now... on with the stories...:

Kazoos too much for Tynelia
Take match, third place with 2-1 win

"Sure, we watched the scoreboard. Who wouldn't? Such a critical match for us... and you expect us to not pay attention to other matches going on at the same time?" stated Head Coach Manni Aka after the game. "Now, our swings in athleticism tied to the Nanakaland-The Weegies game? Proposterous!"

An agressive play by Tynelian(?) Brad Collins took Tynelia up 1-0 at minute 19.

A score updated flashed across the scoreboard.

"1-0 The Weegies! 1-0 The Weegies!" cries of excitement echoed down the bench, and further cheers could not be opressed as Mark Perknowleski scored at minute 44, game tied at 1 going into the half.

As the Kazoo players rushed into locker room, they witnessed the closing of the half of the other game, but this time, they saw the score had changed -- this time, the score was all tied up at 1, akin to their own game.

The Kazoos headed out to the field, heads downturned. They didn't play that well of a half, feebly passing the ball through the first 25 minutes or so about midfield.

But something rippled through the Kazoo offence... something... the Tynelian press put it on "the Kazoo Peoples’ coaching staff and reserves kept yelling at the team that Nanakaland was losing to inspire them." Once again, our friends from Tynelia are incorrect. In fact, the coaches were actually yelling strategies, encoded in the scores of the Nanakaland game. But that is okay, you guys didn't know.

"What powered us to victory?" Chadd Johnson repeated the question. "It had to have been the caffeine of my the newest energy drink, Kazoo Kola MAX! Kazoo Kola MAX -- it's energy, in a can!"

"Chadd, were not doing a commercial."

"Then who the hell are you? Get out of my face!"

Chadd Johnson scored the final goal at minute 85, securing third place and the playoff spot that came with it.

They will play Cuation tomorrow for a coveted Finals spot. If the Kazoos make it, it will be their second Finals in as many years.

Final standings:

Pos Team P W D L GF GA GD Pts
1 Total n Utter Insanity 16 13 1 2 50 16 34 40
2 Bettia 16 11 2 3 48 23 25 35
3 The Kazoo Peoples 16 9 2 5 37 29 8 29
4 Nanakaland 16 9 1 6 24 26 -2 28
5 The Weegies 16 7 3 6 28 24 4 24
6 Tynelia 16 5 5 6 16 18 -2 20
7 Risa-Aramour 16 4 4 8 16 34 -18 16
8 Algal states 16 4 1 11 20 41 -21 13
9 The New Chakovnia 16 0 1 15 16 44 -28 1

KAZOOS' PROGRESS IN WORLD CUP 27 (10-2-6*):
MD1: loss to Algal states 3-1, home
MD2: loss to Total n Utter Insanity 2-0, home
MD3: loss to Milchama (friendly) 4-2, home
MD4: win over The Weegies 2-1, away
MD5: win over Risa-Aramour 2-0, home
MD6: win over The New Chakovnia 2-0, away
MD7: loss to Bettia 4-3, away
MD8: loss to Nanakaland 3-2, away
MD9: draw with Tynelia 1-1, home
---
MD10: win over Algal states 5-0, away
MD11: loss Total n Utter Insanity 5-1, away
MD12: win over Lowland Clans 3-0, home (friendly)
MD13: win over The Weegies 3-2, home
MD14: draw with Risa-Aramour 2-2, away
MD15: win over The New Chakovnia 4-1, home
MD16: win over Bettia 5-3, home
MD17: win over Nanakaland 2-0, home
MD18: win over Tynelia 2-1, away
MD19: vs Cuation, at Vrelt Field, Dublin, Fmjphoenix
*Includes Friendlies

(OOC: More backlogged RPs to come)

The Kazoo Peoples

28-03-2006, 01:52

Kazoos Cue Cuation To Stage Left
Cuation Exits International Stage as Kazoos Hand Them 3-1 Loss; Riot Ensues

"Sorry for any injuries suffered to any Cuation players and/or fans," reported Minister of Sport and Head Coach Manni Aka. "Please understand that our team did what it set out to do: win matches."

This statement after a 3-1 whalloping by the Kazoos.

It didn't look this way when the match began, with Cuation scoring at minute 1 by striker Rual Mendiz.

And, then, just three minutes later, Cuation's goalkeeper Peter Seamen was red-carded when he unfairly challenged Cort Izzone at minute 4.

The sub-par replacement goalkeeper took over, and did well for awhile, eventally lacking the stamina in later minutes to overcome the Kazoo strikers, with Chadd Johnson scoring the latter two goals at minutes 76 and 81.

The win affirmed the Kazoos' ticket to Bedistan or Fmjphoenix (whichever group they get drawn into will tell...). It is their second Finals appearance in as many years.

"I'm very proud of our boys," said a teary-eyed (from emotion or the tear gas (see below), we aren't sure) Head Coach Manni Aka after the match. "We've been through a lot this year: faulty socket wrenches, mass panic in the home country, the presumed firing of myself -- it's been tough, but we, as a team, are tougher, more competitive, and more coherent than ever. We hope to go even further in the finals this year than ever before!"

---
Riots sweep Cuation; Mobs Mob Team

To put in words...

"Utter pandaemonium," said Cuation police chief Sargent Pepper. "We deployed 1853 canisters of tear gas here at the stadium, and along the streets. Our fans were pissed that we didn't make it."

The Kazoo Peoples team was left unharmed.

"Well, if I may offer a backhanded compliment to the Cuation police force, it'd have to be that in a threatening situation that could have been controlled by them, they still protected us, and that's all that matters," said Cort Izzone.

---
KAZOOS' PROGRESS IN WORLD CUP 27 (11-2-6*):
MD1: loss to Algal states 3-1, home
MD2: loss to Total n Utter Insanity 2-0, home
MD3: loss to Milchama (friendly) 4-2, home
MD4: win over The Weegies 2-1, away
MD5: win over Risa-Aramour 2-0, home
MD6: win over The New Chakovnia 2-0, away
MD7: loss to Bettia 4-3, away
MD8: loss to Nanakaland 3-2, away
MD9: draw with Tynelia 1-1, home
---
MD10: win over Algal states 5-0, away
MD11: loss Total n Utter Insanity 5-1, away
MD12: win over Lowland Clans 3-0, home (friendly)
MD13: win over The Weegies 3-2, home
MD14: draw with Risa-Aramour 2-2, away
MD15: win over The New Chakovnia 4-1, home
MD16: win over Bettia 5-3, home
MD17: win over Nanakaland 2-0, home
MD18: win over Tynelia 2-1, away
---
MD19: win over Cuation 3-1, at Vrelt Field, Dublin, Fmjphoenix
---
MD20: TBD
MD21: TBD
MD22: TBD
*Includes Friendlies

Fmjphoenix

28-03-2006, 06:44

Matchday 1 Scores are being TGed as we speak. Scores will be posted tommorow.

Starblaydia

28-03-2006, 12:46

Magnificent Seven (Hundred)!
Tolkacheva smashes landmark goal in Starblaydi win

Seven hundred goals. In just under fifty years of international competition, Starblaydia have scored over seven hundred goals. Whether that's an acheivement or not compared to everyone else is completely academic as hardly anyone else seems to bother to count theirs, but we're confident it's a rather good amount.

Then seven-hundredth was scored, of course, by Dasha Tolkacheva against Bettia in the opening Matchday of World Cup 27. She also scored a second goal to increase her tally for the campaign to thirteen, a joint-record with Zhorin Tumunzahar: Dash needs only one goal in the remainder of the cup to surpass that record. At the age of just twenty-four she is now third on the all-time list of Starblaydi goalscorers, having just squeezed past Menecrates, as she has bagged twenty-eight goals for her country in just thirty-four appearances.

Bettia, as expected, attempted to overrun Starblaydia from the first whistle to the last. Starblaydia's defence, however, held firm for just over an hour, by which point they were already 1-0 up. Latif Hunter - who must have some kind of innate rivalry with Starblaydia following his years in Krytenia - broke through Cisco Ibanez's rash challenge to find himself free and clear behind the back four. A simple kick towards the goal later and Bettia were level, looking to push forward for the winner. Starblaydia, however, had other ideas.

Tolkacheva made a breakthrough of her own, treating Geraint Carew like a turnstile as Menecrates lobbed a ball over the top of the back-three. Dasha used her trademark pace to sprint away from all three defenders, then her trademark control to round the 'keeper and fire into the back of the net, just five minutes after Bettia thought they were back in it.

It was Maivia Von Erich, on as a substitute for Rapahelo, who killed off the game with a minute to go, intelligently nipping in at the near post ahead of Jon McKinnon to get on the end of a Garcia cross. With three points from the first game and the team on a high, Starblaydia will remain at Stadium X for the challenge of Jeruselem.

Final score from Stadium X, Bedistan:
Starblaydia 3 - 1 Bettia
(Tolkacheva 24 & 67, Von Erich 89) - (Hunter 62)

Jeruselem

28-03-2006, 14:16

Jeruselem Government News

Jeruselem climbs Commerce Heights

Pretty much most predictions say Commerce Heights will make the next round of World Cup 27. That's expected by us, as everytime we played the CH - we've lost. We lost a playoff to CH to qualify and many expected us to lose this one.

Jeruselem aren't a team to muck around in such a game these days. The old Jeruselem who lost these games before World Cup 24 we are not. World Cup 24 and 26 - we made the 2nd round and won games in a Group stage.

As for Commerce Heights, we beat them. Sissy Holdberg bundled in a winning goal after a fortunate deflection off a CH defender when Massid Mawad fired a shot at the CH goal. The 60 minute, Sissy fell upon the ball when a deflection bounced of a CH defender from the inaccurate shot from Massad.

For most of the game, both teams had trouble breaking up each other defenses. Both keeps were on form and anything thrown at them was handled. While Jeruselem tried to counter-attack, CH shut down anything dangerous to the goal. CH was a little less adventious in attack, but did have their moments.

Sissy rarely scores goals. She spends more of her time running around keeping out opposing attacks and well, doesn't spend much time in other half of the field. At this moment, Sissy was floating around the "other" half. Massad had shot at the goal and a CH defender tried to block it. The ball ballooned up in the air and ended up path of Sissy. She had a shot - but not she was not the best shot. Luckily, the CH keeper seeing a defender trying to score a goal was overly relaxed. He messed up the save and goal was scored.

In the other game, Bettia lost to the Godzilla of the Group - Starblaydia. Starblaydia won 3-1 and so Jeruselem and Starblaydia are now on 3 points. The others - zero.

Milchama

28-03-2006, 16:03

"Hey guess what, I bet your not going to believe this."

"What is it?"

"We're actually ranked 38th in the world"

"Really, I though we were ranked 39th, isn't that what it says on the preview sheets?"

"Yes but we have as many points as the 38th ranked team Kaze Progressa."

"Ok so what?"

"We now have a better chance to qualify."

"One rank big deal."

"It is a big deal"

"No it isn't"

"Yes it is"

....

New Montreal States

28-03-2006, 17:14

PALADINS IN CRYSTAL SHOCKER

3-0 stunner over World #11 ample revenge for WC26 group stage

BEDISTAN - Maybe it's just something about being in Bedistan that brings out the best in the Paladins. It certainly seems to bring out the police, however, who quashed every single attempt at a postgame celebration by the 25,000 or so NMS loyalists who got tickets and made the trip to AO for the match.

The previous meeting between the two teams, in the group stages of World Cup 26, was almost the reverse of this, with the States falling 3-1 to a determined Crystilakere side. The Paladins seemed to have that in mind, despite the fact that coach William Branstone was the only returned member of that side.

"I think we just regained our honor and sent a signal to the rest of the group," said Branstone after the match. "That said, everything could still fall apart, crash, and burn like all hell."

At times, the Paladins looked more like they were giving a midfield clinic rather than playing a World Cup match, dominating the pace of play and keeping the ball in Crystilakere territory an ungodly 60 minutes. A tenacious defensive effort by the higher-ranked side kept the Paladins off the board until the second half, where the floodgates opened.

Gilles Villeneuve, as he did so often during qualifiers, opened the scoring, this time off a pass by Charles Pilon in the 50th minute. This was his 10th goal in World Cup play.

"Whatever," he said in a post-match interview.

Jesse Miller, displaying a talent for acrobatics previously unsuspected in this speedy but fairly large midfielder, pirouetted over a stumbling Crystilakeran back to grab the ball and launch one past a completely unsuspecting keeper for the second goal of the match.

Paul Chan, apparently unnoticed by the opposition for most of the match, zipped down the field and took advantage of a bungled offsides trap to pick up the third and final goal in the 72nd minute. All that remained for the Paladins was to bring the forwards back and play a 4-6 for the rest of the game, a formation that kept Crystilakere from mounting any serious charge in the final minutes.

PALADINS 3 - Villeneuve 50, Miller 59, Chan 72
CRYSTILAKERE 0 - None

TOURNAMENT SCORING

Villeneuve 10
Labranche 6
Toussaint 4
Chan 3
Pilon 3
Tessier 3
Gordon 2
Miller 2
Faulkner 1
Sgt. Pierce 1
Yates 1

The Kazoo Peoples

28-03-2006, 17:43

WORLD CUP 28 BRINGS... AW @#*!
Kazoos placed in Group F

Well, for the The Kazoo Peoples national football team, it was another day of anticipation. Their second finals draw in as many appearances in the World Cup, they were again in the final pot, which meant that they would be drawn last.

But since most, if not all, of the top two seeds in each qualifying group advanced, basically, everyone would be better than the Kazoos. In fact, only Milchama (39), Spaam (41), Chicanda (44), and Andossa Se Mitrin Vega (43) had a worse rank in the world KPB rankings than the Kazoos (32).

"Yeah, so we're not going to move onto the second round. Eh, so what?" Head Coach Manni Aka said before the draw. "I mean, we're going to be facing some of the toughest teams in the world... and we're, well... a new entry into the international football world... so we're at a severe disadvantage, to say the least."

And this was made evident during the draw. After the first three teams had been drawn, we found that regardless, we'd probably have zero chance to advance, or even get a point from a draw.

"And the final member of group F," the Bedistan official said, "to join #3 Sarzonia, #10 Rejistania, and #18 Casari, will be..." he opened the miniature football with a twist... "The Kazoo Peoples!"

There was a smattering of applause... and with that, the Kazoos were placed in Group F.

We asked Coach Manni Aka with what he thought of the draw.

"Well, I knew we didn't have a chance to start off with, but now I can almost assure you that we won't make it. Pessimistic? I think not! Let's see: we have third-in-the-world Sarzonia, who was first in the world last campaign, we have Rejistania and the Karelan defensive style of play, and we have Casari, who is so advanced in international sport that they are hosting an international sporting event similar to what we think an Olympics would be like."

"True it doesn't look good."

"And, well, to top it all off, I've signed off on a movie deal to have a documentary film crew follow us around during our three matches in Fmjphoenix. They call it... Dial F for F**ked!"

"That is pretty bad."

"But to our credit, some news agencies think we might be able to do something."

"Like what?"

"Take the Chi Sun-Times-Tribune-Domestic-International-Star-News-Today, one of Milchama's fine newspapers. They say that 'the Kazoos could spring an upset.'"

"Well, that's good."

"It is, and the Squornshelous Cup Preview calls us a 'strong contender.'"

"Well, again, those previews look promising. What about the mismatches in formations, though? For example, Rejistania plays either a 5-4-1 or a 6-3-1, while you use your patented 'X' formation. Remember, before qualification started, you told us: 'it forms an 'X,' see! It's cool. We'll "X" out our opponents -- get it?' (For our digital readers, you can access the pre-qualification interview here (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=10510468&postcount=7))
How effective do you think your formation will be against the defensive Rejistania?"

"Well, when we face Rejistania, I hope to take a win away from them because their defensive style cannot match our moderate attacking style. So if we take a few points from them, it'd be nice, to say the least. Hell, we might get more than expected! As for Sarzonia and Casari, they are close to neutral in regards to their style, so we'll have to see about them."

"Thanks for your time, coach."

Andossa Se Mitrin Vega

28-03-2006, 21:08

http://i14.photobucket.com/albums/a318/stormgiantxxxl/ASMVFNN.jpg
Sea Dragons Look Like Debutants

This is Kellan Kildan reporting live from Bedistan

Originally posted by Andossa Se Mitrin Vega
To be competitive against Hockey Canada, the Sea Dragon defense will have to show up in a big way. The squad has relied on that all along and now it becomes a must. But if the defense holds, anything can happen. And since this is not Lovisa, we feel the defense can do its job and put us in a position to perhaps steal a win against the group's best.

That statement is one that was issued as the Sea Dragons prepared to face the Canucks of Hockey Canada in their first ever WC finals experience. Unfortunately the disparity in the rankings of the two sides proved too much for ASMV to handle.

It was apparent from the outset that ASMV’s nerves had gotten the better of the entire squad. Missed passed and bungled opportunities led to the Sea Dragons facing a quick 2-0 deficit. And the squad never recovered. In fact, the score would reach 4-0 and ASMV FNN switched its programming to cover the World Yahtzee Championships in order to spare fans the agony of watching more of the slaughter. Unfortunately this caused them to miss an own goal by the HC keeper in the 90th minute that ruined his clean sheet. The final that was missed was 5-1.

Now back to programming already in progress……….

“YAHTZEE!!!!!! And with that Floyd Peabody has won the World Title as Champion of the highly contested World Yahtzee League! What a day for yahtzee enthusiasts everywhere! And in the less important world of football, ASMV lost to Hockey Canada 5-1. Next they will probably lose to Crystalkere. Whoopie doo………….What? This is being broadcast live on the football channel? Oh Shit! I mean a match with Crystakere we are sure to win! Go Sea Dragons!!!!”

Squornshelous

28-03-2006, 22:31

Pyramid Scheme?

With all the discussion about the prediction of various world cup winners, so, the Squornshelan ministry of Statistics, Ducks and Three Bean Cassarole has compiled this chart of all of the World Cup winners throughout history, in the hopes of drawing some conclusions about this cup's eventual winner.

Crosshil
-Al Quds
--Giant Zucchini
---Dennisov
----Brazillico
----Brazillico
-----Errinundera
------Liverpool England
-------Europa Brittania
--------Lemmitania
-------Europa Brittania
---------Eauz
-----------Kingsford
------------Commerce Heights
---------Eauz
-------------Rejistania
-------------Rejistania
--------------Cristilakere
---------------Vilita
----------------Bedistan
-----------------Sarzonia
-------------Rejistania
------Liverpool England
------------------Starblaydia
----------------Bedistan

As you can clearly see from the chart, despite occasional setbacks, the "pyramid" shows a tendancy to extend further and further out, as Bedistan's win in World Cup 26 set the pyramid back a bit, it can be assumed that it will now continue out further. This leads us to hypothesize that the next winner of the World Cup will be either Sarzonia, Starblaydia or a completely new team. When we consider likely candidates for a new winner, in addition to the two other teams mentioned, we get a rather short list of teams who will most likely win World Cup 27:

Sarzonia
Starblaydia
Fmjphoenix
Hockey Canada
Tadjikistan

*please note, three teams that would be considered candidates to win the cup given the pyramid chart have been left off of this list because it has been predetermined that they will never win, those teams are Squornshelous, Audioslavia and Total n Utter Insanity.

Rejistania

28-03-2006, 23:36

Group of death

The Orange-Blues find themselves in a group of death where they can not qualify. Face it. The Rejistanian soccer sucks and there is no way it can ever return to the standards of World cup 18 in this life. In this qualification, they finished after the ARCHREGIMANCY. Sorry, but if we finish behind a bunch of bearded blood-drinkers, how do we claim to be a top team. Now we are in a group, from which qualification is impossible. Let's look at it:

Sarzonia: Till now our lasane had much luck against them, this series is so likely to end. They are undefeated so far, they will be undefeated now. If the Stars do not win, I'll eat my hat.

Rejistania: A bunch of conceders (the defense) and not-scorers (the offense) all in one team. They can not score goals and the can not prevent goals from being scored. They fall down in the rankings like a stone.

Casari: The temple would have called them Takilan, they are however more Hank~hilan, or Hangilan. The might have a lower rank, but they have the better team, which is proved by the speed, they rose (why isn't is rised?!) in the rankings. And they as well as we finished 2nd in the respective groups.

The Kazoo Peoples: If the ASR reacted at the time when the Kazoos played and offered some key players citizenship before they played internationally, the Orange-Blue might have a chance to defeat someone, they will most likely see the second round as second team behind the stars.

My group prediction:
Sarzonia
The Kazoo Peoples
Casari
Rejistania

On the next day the Sikenian Daily remarked that the author of this article was fired and flogged.

The Archregimancy

28-03-2006, 23:40

THE ARCHREGIMANCY BRINGS YOU

WORLD CUP TONIGHT

With Fr. Nicholas the Scribe and Fr. John the Golden-Throated

"So, Fr. John.... what's up with Praying2God?"

"Apparently, Fr. Nicholas, they claim to be laughing at us because we're the worst team in our group."

"Well..... of course we are. We've qualified for the first time. We're number 30 in the world. What's the point in wasting time and effort on laughing at the expense of a squad who've achieved precisely what was expected of them in the World Cup draw?"

"I agree, Fr. Nicholas. It's all very odd. I'd much rather spend my time laughing at the expense of the only second seed not to have qualified directly for the world cup - if I was inclined to do that sort of thing, which I'm not. 4th week of Lent, after all. Not the done thing at all right now."

"Anyway, Fr. John, weren't we in action in Bedistan overnight?"

"Yeeeeeessssss...... Now, superficially, a 3-0 loss to Bedistan might not look that good, but when you consider that it was a 3-0 loss to the best team in the world, in Bedistan, when every single fan was cheering for the home team, suddenly it doesn't look too bad. Let's look at some of the highlights.

In fact, until the last 10 minutes, when we conceded this dubious 82nd minute penalty rapidly followed up by an unlucky own goal from Fr. Michael the Lesser off an injury time corner, we were surprisingly competitive.

Yes, we conceded this 32nd minute scorcher off a free-kick, but had Fr. Silouan of the Seventy Caves not uncharacteristically missed this 43rd minute sitter, an almighty upset might have been on the cards. Alas, it wasn't to be, but after losing only one match in all of qualifying, a 3-0 loss to the co-hosts was an appropriately humbling experience this Great Lent. It's important for our monks to remind themselves of the need for humility, after all."

"And the lack of any Archregimancy supporters in the crowd, Fr. John?"

"Well, as expected, Fr. Nicholas, other than team members and officials, not a single monk has left the Archregimancy this Great Lent. Only a direct synodical ruling convinced the more reluctant team members to travel. So we don't have any support at all during the tournament. Or at least no wordly support - we can but pray for spiritual support. Personally, I've been praying to the Mother of God, Bringer of Victories almost every night in the hope that we at least manage to avoid humiliation."

Bedistan

29-03-2006, 02:42

Matchday 1 scores for Groups E-H have been telegrammed and/or IRCed.

Sarzonia

29-03-2006, 03:04

Perfect no more, Stars lose

Despite all of Coach Dave Wilson's efforts to warn his team against the pratfalls faced by teams that previously went through World Cup qualifying with perfect records and gaudy statistics, the Sarzonian national team that took to the pitch against The Kazoo Peoples bore little resemblance to the focused unit that cruised through 16 matches with nary so much as a draw.

It cost them dearly. The Kazoo Peoples took a shocking 2-0 lead before 15 minutes were up and the Stars could get no closer than midfielder Jenna Raven's 24 yard free kick that cut the deficit in half and Sarzonia walked off the pitch a loser for the first time, 2-1. Wilson was visibly angry as he addressed the media late, following a closed door meeting with his team.

"We just played that match like we expected to show up and get three points," Wilson said. "We just put ourselves in a very difficult position by losing a match we were favoured to win. The going only gets tougher from here."

To wit, Wilson cancelled plans to have the team take the next day of training off, saying he expected to see his team assemble at 6 a.m. local time.

"They haven't earned a day off," Wilson said. "The way we played, we're going to have to go over the game film with them and make mental adjustments."

Fortunately for Sarzonia (0-0-1, 0 points in Group F), Casari and Rejistania played to a 1:1 draw, leaving Sarzonia with a chance to still win the group or advance via a second placed finish, but Raven said the team would have to play all-out against Casari for the team to harbour a realistic chance at that.

"We've got our toughest matches ahead of us with Casari and Rejistania. We missed an opportunity to get off on the right foot. Now we've left ourselves no margin for error and we've got to play with the same sense of urgency we brought to the group stage or we're going home early."

Squornshelous

29-03-2006, 04:34

Pschychoes Starting off Strong

Squornshelous defeats Turori to kick off the Cup
We fared very well in our first match of the Group Stage, beating the Turori Eels 3-2, earning three much needed points. The Pschychoes fought hard against an opponent who were much tougher than their rank suggested, and Kryztoff Markanen put in the winning goal with just 6 minutes remaining. The match was a seesaw affair, with Squornshelous scoring first, going up one to nil on a superb 18th minute shot by Goran Syvatov, who is quickly maturing into a phenomenal outside midfielder. However, the Eels struck back quickly, with (midfielder) making a perfect pass through the defense to (striker) who put a good finish on the play, leaving the ball in the back of the net. Turori then managed to go up by one when Alan Dymek mishandled a long ball coming into the Squornshelan zone, (forward) jumped on the ball and put it past Jorge Fernandina.
After the half, Squornshelous pulled together and got the tying marker in the 52nd minute, when Mostafa Ogbadan broke loose and fired the ball intot the upper corner of the net. With the score tied for the second time, both teams were trying all out to get the winning goal, not wanting to start off with a draw. It was after one of these attacks that Squornshelous was able to counter, moving the ball quickly into the Turori zone. Without taking any time to set up to pass the ball around, Markanen made a run right up the middle and recieved the ball from Petrov for the winning goal.

Final Score:
Squornshelous 3-2 Turori

Squornshelous' World Cup Schedule:
wins losses draws byes
Qualifying:
MD01: bye
MD02: The Islands of Qutar 1-3 Squornshelous
MD03: Squornshelous 5-1 The Macabees
MD04: Jon Parkin 4-4 Squornshelous
MD05: Squornshelous 5-0 San Adriano
MD06: Schiavonia 4-2 Squornshelous
MD07: Squornshelous 2-0 Kericia
MD08: Apologetic Kittens 1-6 Squornshelous
MD09: Squornshelous 5-0 Spaamanian Plijous
MD10: bye
MD11: Squornshelous 3-0 The Islands of Qutar
MD12: The Macabees 0-5 Squornshelous
MD13: Squornshelous 4-1 Jon Parkin
MD14: San Adriano 0-4 Squornshelous
MD15: Squornshelous 4-1 Schiavonia
MD16: Kericia 0-4 Squornshelous
MD17: Squornshelous 3-1 Apologetic Kittens
MD18: Spaamanian Plijous 0-8 Squornshelous
Finals:
GS01: Squornshelous 3-2 Turori
GS02: Squornshelous vs. Praying2God
GS03: Eauz vs. Squornshelous

Fmjphoenix

29-03-2006, 05:26

Nolan keeps pace from World Cup 26 up, nets hattrick in routing of Spaam
And there is more than just him scoring too!

This isn't World Cup 26. Don't tell Mike Nolan that. Without even missing a beat from the past cup, Nolan slammed home three goals in the first half, as the Vikings dropped 5 past Spaam early on and never looked back as Fmjphoenix opened up their World Cup 27 campaign with a 6-2 rout against Spaam in front of a sold out crowd at Slope Stadium in Phonecia.

Fourty-Eight thousand fans packed into the stands, most of which were wearing the green and blue cheering on the homeboys. Coach Wash said before the match that his team was ready to performe. In true fashion, Nolan started off the scoring coming in from the left side, lofting a well placed pass by Laura Boyd that was just over the Spaamanian goalkeeper for the 1-0 lead. Not even five minutes later, Desmond Howard, the newest field player for the Vikings made his mark, heading in a rebound from a shot by Brian Dougood. But the Spaamanians showed some poise. Melyor Trewin worked downfield with some blazing speed and put a rocket past new goalkeeper Justin Keys to bring the score within one in the 34th minute. Nolan responded the next minute stunningly. Ewa Ivey stepped in front of a pass intended for Siieranu Ijanaeil and sent the ball back towards the Vikings half of the pitch. Unfortunetly for the Spaamanian defenders, and more importantly Grada Paynter, Nolan was right ontop of the deflected pass, nailing the ball and sending it flying to the upper left corner of the goal. Paynter never had a chance and the score was 3-1. A handball by Colan Trebilcock in the 39th minute lead to Laura Boyd putting another past Paynter on the ensuing penalty shot for the 4-1 lead. Nolan saved the best for his third goal though. In unbelievable fashion, Nolan kicked the ball to Andrew Jenkins, who headed it back in front of Nolan, who did a 180 and performed a backflip, kicking the ball in the process. It was not a powerful hit, but a completly stunned Grada Paynter was not able to recover in time as he only got a little bit of a fingertip on the ball, but it was not enough to deflect it, as it dropped down and bounced into the net for an amazing 5-1 lead to end the first half. After the stunning move, the crowd was on its feet and many, many items found its way onto the pitch. The match was actually delayed for an extra 15 minutes after the halftime break, as the field was not fully cleaned up from the fans excited outburst.

The second half proved to be much more calmer. Despite Mylor Goss putting another ball past Justin Keys in the 57th minute, Coach Wash substituted Nolan out for Larry Brown and dropped his team into a defensive 4-4-2 formation. The formation change did well for the Vikings, as they managed to keep Spaam out of the Vikings goal area for the last 20 minutes. Siieranu Ijanaeil added the final goal of the match in the 83rd minute. But the match was decided well before his goal, as the Vikings boiled Spaam to win their 7th straight World Cup Group Stage matchup. Since World Cup 25, the Vikings have been undefeated. Their losses did not occur until the second round and quarter finals for WC25 and WC26 respectivly.

Now that matchday one is over, the Vikings are looking towards their next opponent, regional founder and good allies Vilita. This will be the first matchup between the two national teams in their history. Vilita will be looking to avenge themselves after getting defeated by Oliverry 4-1. Being at home brings a certain amount of pride to the Vikings and their fans. Fmjphoenix will be hungry to justify being in the top 10.

"We want to show everyone in the world that we belong with the elite." Nolan had to say after the match. "We have been training and playing all out lives to go out there for our nation and become champions. Thats all I want."

Fmjphoenix: 6 - Spaam: 2
Nolan: 7, 35, 45, Howard: 12, Boyd: 39, Ijanaeil: 83 - Trewin: 34, Goss: 57

Fmjphoenix Vikings World Cup 27:
Group Stage
MD1: Fmjphoenix 6 - 2 Spaam
MD2: Fmjphoenix - Vilita
MD3: Fmjphoenix - Oliverry

Viking Goal Scorers
Nolan 3
Howard 1
Boyd 1
Ijanaeil 1

Tadjikistan

29-03-2006, 15:38

Swiss cheese; Shpagin sais
By Simon Grinchik, part time sportsjournalist

Inadequate, underachieving, bad, unacceptable were the words used by Shpagin to describe Tadjikistans last result. He compared the Tadjik defenses to swiss cheese; looks good, smells nice but is full of holes.

'Football is a game of mistakes' Georgi Shpagin, the main Tadjik sports critic, said 'The winning team is the team that made most advantage of the other sides mistakes. Which means that we made alot of mistakes today. Its true, they made mistakes too and we didnt loose. But if you really think its ok to tie with a 4-4 score, then you should move to some nation like Green Wombat or Emperor Pudu.'

Shapgin gained alot of support today and this match was a gift for him. His evaluation from the first half of the qualifications was dug up again and he used those analyses to continue his report :'We were able to win alot in the second round because we learned from first round matches, ats all. We beat Lovisa because of experience and home advantage and taking out Georgonia simply failed' and while he spared the strikers today, Shpagin had no good word for the defenders 'Zaev continued to use the same troublemakers we saw f*cking up in the early matches. Polozkov and Andreev belong in a provincial club, though sometimes they give me the impression they were found in some third rate team based in bar, they sure know how to fight but they are worthless players.'

Coach Alexander Zaev was quite upset by Shpagins rant and imediatly responded :'Though I believe Liverpool England won its match, that doesnt mean we're out of the World Cup yet. We can still qualify and even take that first position. People should realise that this is sports, where you'll encounter different teams with different qualities. The team did the best it could in this situation and managed to tie against a team that was not inferior at all.' It was not enough to calm down Shpagin, who even critisized foreign media when they named Tadjikistan as possible winners of the World Cup

As you can clearly see from the chart, despite occasional setbacks, the "pyramid" shows a tendancy to extend further and further out, as Bedistan's win in World Cup 26 set the pyramid back a bit, it can be assumed that it will now continue out further. This leads us to hypothesize that the next winner of the World Cup will be either Sarzonia, Starblaydia or a completely new team. When we consider likely candidates for a new winner, in addition to the two other teams mentioned, we get a rather short list of teams who will most likely win World Cup 27:

Sarzonia
Starblaydia
Fmjphoenix
Hockey Canada
Tadjikistan

*please note, three teams that would be considered candidates to win the cup given the pyramid chart have been left off of this list because it has been predetermined that they will never win, those teams are Squornshelous, Audioslavia and Total n Utter Insanity.

Shpagins response: 'Who did that ministry hire for this work? a monkey? Must be, since they put Tadjikistan on the list of possible winners and we Tadjiks know that that wont happen. Tadjikistan should be listed as one of the teams that will never win. The Tigers reached the quarterfinals once, almost twenty years ago, they will be home long before the quarterfinals this time.'

Fixtures:
MD1: Stay home, do nothing
MD2: Giant Zucchini - Tadjikistan W 1-3
MD3: Tadjikistan - Pastorville W 2-0
MD4: Green Wombat - Tadjikistan W 0-4
MD5: Tadjikistan - Emperor Pudu D 1-1
MD6: Lovisa - Tadjikistan L 2-1
MD7: Tadjikistan - Andossa Se Mitrin Vega W 3-0
MD8: Becquerelia - Tadjikistan D 1-1
MD9: Tadjikistan - Georgonia D 1-1
MD10: Stay home again, do nothing
MD11: Tadjikistan - Giant Zucchini W 3-1
MD12: Pastorville - Tadjikistan W 0-4
MD13: Tadjikistan - Green Wombat W 6-0
MD14: Emperor Pudu - Tadjikistan W 0-4
MD15: Tadjikistan - Lovisa W 2-1
MD16: Andossa se Mitrin Vega - Tadjikistan W 0-4
MD17: Tadjikistan - Becquerelia W 4-1
MD18: Georgonia - Tadjikistan L 1-0
----------------------------------------------------------
GM1: Tadjikistan - Schiavonia D 4-4
GM2: Tadjikistan - Milchama
GM3: Liverpool England - Tadjikistan

Schiavonia

29-03-2006, 16:08

The Schiavone Scribe
One Four-All
Tadjikistan 4-4 Schiavonia

Right then, whereabouts can we start talking about the unbelievable events that unfolded in Bedistan last night, as the spoils were shared in this eight goal thriller.

If there was ever a game that neither side wanted to win, this was it. As soon as a side took the lead, they looked as if they didn't want it, and tried to give it back to the other side. So, in that respect, a draw seems a fair enough result.

It was the Tigers who took the lead early on, as Saradov broke through the Schiavone defence, but the higher ranked side appeared to think it was going to be easy. But no, back came Schiavonia, Tarmey breaking through before Sanderson scored from distance.

Then, with seemingly the hardest part over, Tadjikistan scored either side of half time. Pliiev headed home a Zverev corner, then Tulberdiev latched onto a loose Gareth Marsden shot to give his side the lead again.

The tigers then scored a fourth, Tulberdiev again, this time chipping the ball over Ben Kershaw's head after bamboozling Oliver Park.

But yet again, the Sloths came back. With nine minutes to go, an unfortunate slip from Ashurov, and Tarmey took great advantage, slamming home for 4-3.

An unfortunate incident with just five minutes to go, when Craig McAndrew was unfotunately injured in an arial challenge with Andreev, but the referee refused to stop the game despite the blood pouring from McAndrew's head. With time running out, on came Schiavone as a substitute.

Then, with just seconds to spare, Di Mascherenasi got onto the end of a perfect cross from Fernando Smith. Four a piece, and a thrilling encounter all round.

Still the game wasn't over. After the game, a small crowd of angry Schiavone fans were waiting for the referee after the game outside the ground. But, in typical Schiavone style, instead of beating up the poor guy, they just had a polite conversation with him until he saw the wrongs of his ways.

Doesn't it make you proud to be Schiavone?

Final score
Tadjikistan 4 (Saradov 4, Pliiev 44, Tulberdiev 46, 59)
Schiavonia 4 (Tarmey 25, 81, Sanderson 28, Di Mascherenasi 90)

Lowe Speechless

After the game, an unusal incident happened at the press conference. Schiavonia's Team Manager Rodney Lowe was literally speechless.

While reporters put their questions forward to him, Lowe tried to speak, but no words would come out.

In the end, he answered by writing out his answers onto bits of paper, but this took ages, and in the end, the press conference was abandoned on the basis that we'd have been there all night otherwise.

All we got to know was that it wasn't the events of the game that had left him speechless, more that he'd been shouting to his players too much, thus losing his voice. He was disappointed with the midfield's contribution to the defence and was looking forward to playing Liverpool England and Milchama, as he saw both games as winnable.

All we can hope is that he'll be able to speak in time for the remaining group games, although Filipo Schiavone could well be used to relay orders to the team. Unless he' needed on the pitch, then someone else will have to do it. Obviously.

Tigers coach Alexander Zaev looked positively to the future too, even looking to win the group. However, if that's going to happen, they might need a little help along the way.

BRING ON THE IGNORAMUSES!!!

Milchama

29-03-2006, 17:30

Alexandria Times-Tribune-Post-Gazette-Chronicle-Journal-Enquirer

Sports Section

Milchama make inauspicious World Cup debut

OK so that's really an understatement but we had to say something about how bad we sucked in our first ever game in the World Cup. After 5 attempts of trying the Milchama Warriors finally made it into the World Cup and the first thing we did was lose while conceding 8 goals against Liverpool England. According to Liverpool English records that was the highest goal scoring total they have ever scored in one game. The Warriors did score 3 goals but in the end could not hold out against a tough English attack. Coach Jamie Smith said, "This was an embarassment to Milchamian football. We have come so far in these 10 years since we entered the World Cup but then in our first performance we lost and not just 2-1 or something like that we got embarassed. I apologize to all the Warrior fans out there."
Now onto our match report:

The Milchamians came out looking confident and ready to win. It started to look good early for the Warriors as Darian Flinters and Antoine Sanchez performed a nice 1-2 combination that opened up Marc J. Floren about 12 yards from goal. Floren then shot and gave the Warriors the lead. A minute later the lead was erased when Jeffrey Lasey found Luis Sunderland who had beaten Kendric Pevington and he did not miss scoring a goal to tie the game at 1. Then 5 minutes later the Terminators took the lead when Sunderland beat two players and passed the ball to Justin Osborne who scored a goal to give the Terminators the lead. Then in the 20th minute the Warriors tied the game up with Elana Kilinin leading the way. She outran two defenders before finding J.J. Faren. Faren then crossed the ball into the box and found Dunston Copperlee who tied the game up at 2. Milchama continued to dominate as they dominated possesion in the midfield. This domination led to the Warriors getting the lead in the 35th minute when Antoine Sanchez passed a perfect thru ball to Spot Nielson who beat Danny Hauser to get a goal and give the Warriors the lead. The Warriors again could not keep their lead as Darian Flinters fouled someone just outside the box. This led to their GOALIE Adam Carrero to come up and take the kick. He did it with ease as he bent it right around the wall and past Clay Finton into the goal for a 3-3 tie. That was the score at halftime.

The second half was all Liverpool England as they scored 5 goals including 3 in 7 minutes. We really are not going to talk about it.

Final Score:
Milchama 3 (Floren 7, Copperlee 20, Nielson 35)
Liverpool England 8 (Sunderland 8, 46, 50, Osborne 13, 56, Carrero 41, Hairston 62, 81)

Audioslavia

29-03-2006, 18:42

http://www.geocities.com/lifeobrien/bull.txt
Four-Twoitous Win for Shakey 'Slaves

A six-goal thriller ended with the 'slaves victorious and sitting atop of Group B alongside rivals TnUI, who beat Chicanada by three goals to nil.

Neither side made much headway in a tense first half dominated by midfielders and defence alike, with the dogged, determined football being punctuated by the odd yellow card for Ziggy Wilander, Hjalmar Petäjä and Didi Mussorgsky. The forty minutes of stalemate did not make for exciting viewing, but did serve to surprise the millions watching around the world as the half ended with a flurry of goals.

On 41 minutes Spruitland, who had enjoyed the majority of the posession, scored through a header from Chico Provoost who rose like the proverbial salmon, albiet a salmon dressed in lime green, and looped a glancing header over a static Gunnar Yngve for 1-0. It was clear that Audioslavia would have to put in some hard work to get themselves a point, let alone three. This hard work paid off just seventy-two seconds after the Spruitland goal had come. From the kickoff, some short passing in midfield ended with a high ball played hopefully over to the left hand side to where Fiori was running. The ball was picked out of the air by a Opdebeeck header and fell to centre-half Koenraad Dyck, but Dyck's clearance was awfully scuffed. The loose ball fell to Arturo Vitalis who flashed a first-time low shot accross the face of the goal. The ball rebounded off the post but fell kindly for Nikki Polsson who finished for 1-1.

The 'slaves would increase their lead just three minutes later in first half added time. Again, it was the result of a quick concession of passes in the middle of the park, culminating in Mussorgsky's through ball to Vitalis and Vitalis' subsequent chip over the goalkeeper for 2-1.

The second forty-five minutes also got off to a slow start. Spruitland maintained the majority of the posession, but found the 'slaves defence resoloute and solid, keeping the front two of Provoost and Jools at bay and waiting for the chance to counter. That opportunity came just before the hour. Seb Fiori's surging run from the left drew him to the corner of the penalty area, where he exchanged a one-two with Vitalis and smashed a shot inside the near post, beating Spruitland goalie Simon Briers for sheer pace.

The two-goal lead would last even less time than Spruitland's original lead. A high cross from Lee Beck on the left just thirty-two seconds after the restart was met by Petaja, but the centre-half's header was straight at Provoost's feet, and the Spruitland striker had no difficulty in controlling the ball and finding the bottom right hand corner with his finish.

3-2 and with their tails up, Spruitland went for it. Provoost almost nicked his hat-trick with another near post header which was saved well by Yngve, before Gelmer scuppered a great chance from just five yards out, somehow turning a low diagonal ball over the bar with the goal at his mercy.

Time was rapidly running out for the Wabbits and as the match moved into injury time they still found that they couldn't threaten Audioslavia's goal. With two minutes of the alotted three of added time gone, their pressure forced Rijkaard into hastily knocking the ball out for a corner kick, and Spruitland mounted their final charge, which included their 31 year old captain Goalkeeper Simon Briers charging upfield. Briers met the resulting cross but his header was blocked on the line and cleared quickly. The clearance looked to be dropping at Donck's feet, but the centre-half miscontrolled it, letting it bounce under his foot. Polsson robbed it from behind the hapless defender and raced towards goal, easily outpacing Spruit substitute Zwi Kibby and finishing the ball into the open goal for 4-2.

FINAL SCORE
Audioslavia 4 (Polsson 42 90, Vitalis 45 58)
Spruitland 2 (Provoost 41, 59)

Pos Team P W D L GF GA GD Pts
1 Total n Utter Insanity 1 1 0 0 3 0 3 3
2 Audioslavia 1 1 0 0 4 2 2 3
3 Spruitland 1 0 0 1 2 4 -2 0
4 Chicanada 1 0 0 1 0 3 -3 0

With the tablea as it is, a win over Chicanada would put Audioslavia as good as through, providing Spruitland don't get a big win over Total 'n Utter Insanity. If that were to happen, then a TnUI win over the 'slaves on the final day, coupled with Spruitland beating Chicanada, could put the 'slaves out on goal difference. First things first however, and the 'slaves will have to get past Chicanada to have a reasonable chance of getting to the second round.

IBJJ,G'NB

Praying2God

29-03-2006, 22:54

WARRIORS CAN'T RECOVER FROM SLOW START, FALL TO EAUZ

The Praying2God Warriors got off to a slow start in their opening match of WC XXVII group play, and were never able to recover, falling 1-2 to the 5th ranked team in the world. The Warriors defense suddenly found themselves unable to communicate effectively with each other in the opening minutes of the match, and Eauz jumped out to a quick two-goal lead. However, the Warriors managed to scrape to halftime without letting the match get further out of hand. In the second half, the Warriors didn't wait long to show Eauz they were ready to play, as Alissa Madison scored only her 2nd goal of WC XXVII on a touch shot from the top of the box off a back pass by Thomas Larson. The Warriors progressed to dominate the second half, and appeared to have evened the match in the 88th minute, but the officiating crew ruled that a Thomas Larson shot had not fully crossed the goal line before the Eauz keeper fell on it, though replays showed that the ball had indeed fully crossed the line. The Warriors also had a Kelly Carter shot ring off the left post in the 90th minute, but were unable to cash the rebound. The loss leaves the Warriors in a tough position if they had any hopes of qualifying for the 2nd Round, after coming within a point of doing so in Commerce Heights during WC XXVI.

Sarzonia

29-03-2006, 23:39

Woodstock Daily Mail

Stars hope early rise prevents eclipse

by Ryan Calvin
Daily Mail Staff Writer

Dave Wilson is not an early riser. His idea of getting up early on days when the Sarzonian national football team doesn't have a match is long after the roosters on farmland in the Sarzonian heartland have long since stopped crowing. While his team's younger players are out on the town, he usually is dealing with some administrative matter as Incorporated Football Federation chairman or watching match film as the national team coach.

However, Wilson was at the team's practice facility waiting for the players to arrive at the scheduled 6 a.m. start time for the day's training session. He didn't tell anyone, not even assistant coach Brett Hancock of his plans to fine any player who was even two minutes early to the session. However, Hancock himself showed up at 6:18 a.m., a full 25 minutes after the last player shuffled into the building.

At least Hancock had an excuse: He had a meeting with IFF President Sir Douglas Freech to discuss plans for the Under 21 national team to compete in the AOCAF tournament. However, Wilson still made the assistant coach run four laps and pay a $1,000 fine.

"He didn't tell me about the meeting," Wilson said. "I found out from [Sir Douglas]. I wanted to show the team I meant business. Even if I have to buy [Hancock] lunch later on."

The ploy seemed to work. The Stars had one of the most intense training sessions they have had since before World Cup qualifying began. The team was also ready for the marathon film session, which revealed the Stars didn't play as poorly as most observers thought.

"The film showed the Kazoo Peoples played well, much, much better than I thought," Wilson conceded after the players left. "That [Football Association Liverpool England] referee didn't do us any favours," he said, pointing to what he said were 12 fouls by The Kazoo Peoples that weren't called. However, Wilson said "the free kick [midfielder] Jenna [Raven] got may have been a little generous."

"The bottom line is that we just didn't make enough plays to win and get the full three points. We're extremely fortunate that we're only one point out of second place and we're minus-one in goal differential. We can't afford another slip up, because our next two matches are against the two higher-rated teams in the group."

The Stars play their second match against Casari, and their first match in a tournament that counts in the world rankings. The Stars defeated Casari 2-0 in the semifinals of the Dragon Invitational in Andossa Se Mitrin Vega en route to the championship, but Wilson said the team that won that trophy is "vastly different," from the team that's competing now.

"Perhaps that team was a little hungrier," he said. "We need to regain some of that."

STARS NOTES: Goalkeeper Harvey Cooley completed a rehabilitation assignment with the Under 21 national team and was pronounced fit for international play by Hancock. However, Hancock said goalkeeper Roger Treadway "has got the starting job locked down so far. It wouldn't be fair," to Treadway for Cooley to start his first World Cup finals match after Treadway started most of the qualifiers.

Spruitland

30-03-2006, 00:04

Oh well…

Audioslavia – Spruitland: 4 – 2

“Screwed again,” was what most Spruitlanders felt after the match against Audioslavia, not so much referring to the match itself or its referee as to the Wabbits’ chances of finally surviving a World Cup group stage. Though there was certainly the feeling that it could just as well have gone the other way – “with a little more luck…” or “if Gelmer hadn’t fucked up that...” as disappointed supporters tend to say.

The more neutral observer might have said “if the Spruitland defense knew their elbow from their ass,” however, and they would not have been wrong. With the youngest of the starting defenders at 28, there is certainly no lack of experience at the back, but that didn’t show. Individual errors and a generally sluggish response to ‘slavian breakaways were what lead to the goals, which coach Cor Bensen describes as “avoidable, every single one of them.”

“You can’t give’m away so cheaply at this level,” Bensen said. “If you’re under pressure in your own area, just hoof the ball up the friggin’ field, for crying out loud. And those damn counters… you just know they’re gonna do that, so be ready. No excuses.”

Bensen hinted to some changes for the next match, which might mean young Pascal Ploewier might get his chance to break into the starting eleven, and stay there. He dismissed every question about possibly replacing Simon Briers in goal though.

“Replacing a goalkeeper is not a decision to be taken lightly. Replacing a goalkeeper who’s also the team captain, you better have one damn good reason. Which I don’t. Simon didn’t even do poorly today. It was just one of those days.”

Bensen also stood behind Briers’ decision to join the attack for a stoppage time corner kick, leaving his goal at the mercy of Nikki Polsson. A decision, some feel, that might cost Spruitland dearly if qualification for the second round should hinge on goal difference.

“Fuck that!” was Bensen’s clear response. “We needed a goal, he damn near gave us one. So it backfired, big deal. No guts, no glory.”

A goal difference decision in group B is not a far-fetched scenario though, but to get to that point, the Wabbits will need to get something from their match against Total ‘n’ Utter Insanity, preferably the three points.

“Not very likely,” a pessimistic Spruitland supporter says. “Tonight was our best chance to take points from one of the top two. It’s gonna be tough against the Insanicians, they’re like my grandpops: never says a word, barely moves, but try to take away his remote and he’ll smack ya with his cane.”

Fmjphoenix

30-03-2006, 01:32

Scores for matchday 2 are being TGed now.

The Kazoo Peoples

30-03-2006, 01:41

Kazoos' Tune Shatters Stars

A chorus of kazoos. A mass of people booing. Where would you find these sights and sounds? El estadio grande de los va'takil'ny, that's where.

The chorus of kazoos erupted from The Kazoo Peoples' fan section whenever the Kazoos took back the ball from a Sarzonian player. Let's just say that they were playing a lot.

The Kazoos were on the offensive all day, and they took the ball from Sarzonia a lot. It follows that many kazoos drowned out the cheering of the Sarzonia supporters.

Chadd Johnson was the star of the match, scoring both of the Kazoos' goals, and both before minute 15!

Johnson's first goal came off of a corner kick inbounded by Cort Izzone. Lampshade, moments before that, had shot for the goal, and the ball deflected off the goalkeeper's hand out of bounds. Izzone inbounded it, and Johnson took a running start, jumped, and pounded the ball in for the score.

"Yeah, well, there were holes in the Sarzonian defence, and I had make best use of them," Chadd Johnson said after the game. "Some may call me a ball hog, but I don't think that was the case. Hell, Cort Izzone was still at the middle of the pitch, and Lampshade was heavily guarded."

"A ball hog!?!?" exclaimed Johnny Lampshade. "No, Johnson did what he does best -- pound the ball in for a score. Hey, as long as we do our best. And in this, when we did our best, we won. Yay."

As for Coach Manni Aka, he was estatic: "WOOOOOOOOOOO!" (and a bit drunk) "Yeah! We's gots us a win against a good team!"

"Coach, over here!"

"Yesbs?" the coach slurred.

"Coach, what's your strategy against Rejistania tomorrow?"

The coach suddenly sobered at the thought of another match: "Well, we just got to penetrate their good defense. We are just going to go all-out on the attack phase of our formation. Jim Johnson is a good enough defence, right?"

"Um, I don't know sir. You might want to reconsider this when you're sober."

"Good call. G'night folks!" he shuffled off, hopefully to his hotel room.

The Kazoos stay at el estadio grande de los va'takil'ny when they take on Rejistania. Local crazy person Donald McRonald had this to say about the upcoming game:

"Allow me to state the obvious: Rejistania is a team of a defensive nature. Therefore, we shouldn't exhaust ourself to try and penetrate their defence. Rather, we should just try and defend against them if and when they try to attack. My prediction: a 1-1 draw."

"Donald, what about scenarios for qualification?"

"Well, if we win tonight against Rejistania, and Casari upsets Sarzonia, both of which unlikely results. If that happens, we are into the Second Round. But I'm crazy, so don't get your hopes up over what I say."

"Thanks, Donald."

Now we take a look ahead at our last game, versus Casari.

We will play Casari at Vrelt Field. Now, by this time, Casari will have played two games -- both of which at Vrelt. So, we will come into there, basically, as an away team. Casari's fans will have entrenched themselves in the stands. We have received reports that some fans have actually made the effort to live in the famed stadium. Whether or not this is true remains to be seen. As does the result. But, I'll call it now: Casari 3-2 The Kazoo Peoples.

It should be said here that this writer is syndicated, and is not necessarily the views of the Kazoo City Courier.

Pos Team W D L GF GA GD Pts
1 The Kazoo Peoples 1 0 0 2 1 +1 3
2 Rejistania 0 1 0 1 1 0 1
2 Casari 0 1 0 1 1 0 1
4 Sarzonia 0 0 1 1 2 -1 0

KAZOOS' PROGRESS IN WORLD CUP 27 (11-2-6*):
MD1: loss to Algal states 3-1, home
MD2: loss to Total n Utter Insanity 2-0, home
MD3: loss to Milchama (friendly) 4-2, home
MD4: win over The Weegies 2-1, away
MD5: win over Risa-Aramour 2-0, home
MD6: win over The New Chakovnia 2-0, away
MD7: loss to Bettia 4-3, away
MD8: loss to Nanakaland 3-2, away
MD9: draw with Tynelia 1-1, home
---
MD10: win over Algal states 5-0, away
MD11: loss Total n Utter Insanity 5-1, away
MD12: win over Lowland Clans 3-0, home (friendly)
MD13: win over The Weegies 3-2, home
MD14: draw with Risa-Aramour 2-2, away
MD15: win over The New Chakovnia 4-1, home
MD16: win over Bettia 5-3, home
MD17: win over Nanakaland 2-0, home
MD18: win over Tynelia 2-1, away
---
MD19: win over Cuation 3-1, at Vrelt Field, Dublin, Fmjphoenix
---
MD20: win over #3 Sarzonia 2-1, at el estadio grande de los va'takil'ny, Fmjphoenix
MD21: vs #10 Rejistania, at el estadio grande de los va'takil'ny, Fmjphoenix
MD22: vs #19 Casari, at Vrelt Field, Fmjphoenix
*Includes Friendlies

Liverpool England

30-03-2006, 02:06

Record high-scoring game sees Terminators win by 5

What a way to kick off a World Cup campaign. Although manager Nick Reagan would have preferred playing in his home country, Fmjphoenix wasn't exaclty friendly territory for Liverpool England either.

Milchama's Flinters and Sanchez did a neat trick one-two pass to get round two defenders before Marc Floren found space from around the penalty spot to slot the ball home. However, just a minute after this shock lead Luis Sunderland showed nerve as he easily took the ball pass Pevington from a brilliant pass from Jeff Lasey. 1-1.

Sunderland then helped put the Terminators in front when his good through ball found Justin Osborne in space. Milchama managed to tie the match up through Copperlee. The first half was all Milchama as the Terminators sat back and let their opponents come at them.

This domination led to the Warriors getting the lead in the 35th minute when Sanchez found Nielson who beat Danny Hauser to get a goal and give Milchama the lead. Terminators goalkeeper Adam Carrero then scored his first of the campaign from a free-kick to tie the match at 3-3.

Sunderland completed his hat-trick on 50 minutes, Osborne got a second on 56 and even substitute Hairston, on for Sunderland, netted a brace to finish the match at 8-3, 11 goals being a new Liverpool England record.

Final Score:
Milchama 3 (Floren 7, Copperlee 20, Nielson 35)
Liverpool England 8 (Sunderland 8, 46, 50, Osborne 13, 56, Carrero 41, Hairston 62, 81)

Bedistan

30-03-2006, 02:25

Matchday 2 scores for Groups E-H have been telegrammed, and matchday 1 results will be posted in the scores thread momentarily.

The Archregimancy

30-03-2006, 02:37

THE ARCHREGIMANCY BRINGS YOU

WORLD CUP TONIGHT

With Fr. Nicholas the Scribe and Fr. John the Golden-Throated

"So... Fr. John.... matchday 2... Krytenia..."

"A match we had to win - or at least draw - to stand any chance of making the second round."

"And did we, Fr. John?"

"Well, Fr. Nicholas, perhaps we might examine last night's match allegorically through a slightly adapted life of The Holy Hieromartyr Mark, the Bishop of Arethusa, who suffered under Julian the Apostate. Very appropriate since we commemorated the life of this Saint yesterday. I've just changed one or two details from his hagiography, which I shall now recite to our god-fearing viewers:

The football team of the Archregimancy suffered for their faith in Christ at the hands of Krytenia. By order of the Holy Synod, the team had built a Christian chapel by the side of the pitch prior to the match.

When Krytenia arrived at the stadium, some of their fans abused the Christians. Some neutrals in the crowd then renounced Christianity in fear. The squad hid themselves from the persecutors at first, but then re-entered the stadium when they learned that opposing supporters had verbally abused many people while waiting for them.

The squad then took the field and were given over to footballing torture. Krytenia tore through their midfield, slashed through the defence, dragged the ball into the opposing half, dumped it into the net, cut our lads to ribbons, and thus took the lead in the 15th minute.

The opposing supporters jeered at Coach Kyrill, Metropolitan of Solovetsky, and offered the holy bishop money to tear down the sideline chapel, and he refused to do so. His resolve gave his squad new hope, and they were inspired into scoring an equalising goal just before half time through a splendid through pass from Fr. David, which sent Fr. Silouan free with only the goalie to beat. Fr. Silouan duly converted the goal, though not the 'keeper.

In the second half, the persecutors on the opposing team invented several new torments: they squeezed Fr. David out of the match through a tackle that yielded no card, though it appeared the captain's foot had been crushed in a foot-press. Finally, a small number of rowdier Krytenia supporters threw honey and grease onto our coach, where he was afflicted by bees, wasps, and hornets. Coach Kyrill did not seem to notice the pain, and this irritated the opposing fans all the more. Alas for the coach, while he was distracted, Krytenia scored a 78th minute winner through a neatly-taken free kick.

The Krytenian supporters kept lowering the price our coaching bishop was to be paid for demolishing his chapel, but he refused to accept a single coin. Admiring him for his courage and endurance, the opposing fans stopped jeering him after the peaceful majority of Krytenian supporters voiced their displeasure at the misbehaving minority. Many neutrals in the ground turned to Christ after viewing this display of fortitude by the Metropolitan. "

"So what you're saying, Fr. John - metaphorically - is that we lost."

"That would be a correct interpretation of this instructive parable, Fr. Nicholas."

"And we're therefore out of the tournament..."

"That would be correct. Krytenia has at least four points, and whatever happens in the Lovisa - Bedistan match, at least one of those teams will also come out of that match with four points. We can now only gain three."

"Well, at least we weren't humiliated, Fr. John."

"Just remember, Fr. Nicholas... a little bit of suffering strengthens the soul..."

[OOC: Krytenia, I'm not seriously suggesting that either your squad or the vast majority of your fans mis-behaved. Match events are clearly intended to be metaphorical, while I hope I made it clear at the end that any fan misbehaviour was by a small minority.]

Casari

30-03-2006, 04:21

http://i16.photobucket.com/albums/b20/Casari/4sport.png

How to mess up the World Cup in 2 easy steps
1-1 Tie to Rejis just a prelude to amazing 1-0 win over Sarzonia

There is many a drunk Casaran tonight.

A thrilling 1-1 tie against Rejistania, in which the scoreline was absolutely no clue to understanding the drama and flow of a match that was hotly contensted until the final minutes and resulted in a standing ovation for both teams from the partisan and tie-hating Casaran fans, would have been enough.

But what an appetizer.

Exclusive pre-match locker room access showed a room full of tension and anxiety as the players prepared for the match, with Coach Hill nowhere to be seen until the final minutes. Looking somewhat nervous herself, she made her rounds around the room, talking to the players individually, asking them about sore joints, nerves, and pre-match strategy before standing in the middle of the room to address the team as a whole.

"We play Sarzonia tonight."

Turning, she glanced at the camera crew huddled in the corner. "You'll want to catch this for posterity, boys." Clearing her throat, she turned back to the team.

"Sarzonia. World Cup 22 Champions. 3rd ranked team in the world."

Hill cast a careful eye around the room. "That's a lot of really high numbers and important titles. And I'm sure on paper, being 19th in the world just doesn't look as good. We played Sarzonia once before. We lost. And you know? That's a damn shame. But we're not playing numbers, we're not playing on a sheet of paper, and we're not playing whatever history our teams have. This match is eleven people in blue kits versus eleven people in red kits. And those socialists from every network upstairs are going to say we have no shot. And looking at the numbers, at the paper, and at the history, we don't. But there's not going to be a sure thing here until the match is over. And until then, every one of you has a chance to do anything you can to twist what should happen into what can happen. You're all professionals. You know what you have to do here today."

Turning towards the door headed out to the field, Hill pulled a hat out of her pocket and pulled it on. "Gentlemen! Let's take the pitch."

From there, the broadcast went upstairs to player-turned-announcer Andy Ronalo, who had been hired to fill the analyst position for CasariTV, and Eddie Brisari, who had been play-by-play man and host for over 20 years.

"Here's the kickoff. The match today is starting off at a very slow pace Andy."

"That's to be expected. Hill tends to favor a slow start in matches against the stonger opponents."

"Many expected her to make an attempt to go for the throat early in this match, however."

"Well, she's not the national manager because she's predictable." Andy said, shooting a glare across the desk.

A full scoreless stalemate of a half ensued, the Casarans firmy intent on repulsing attacks and trying to maintain posession of the ball and proceed on a slow attack until the hour mark.

"We're we'll into the final half hour now, the 64th minute, the Casarans pressing another slow attack, hoping to see something develop... a quick pass in to Livingston, he takes a shot off the pass... and it's in!" Eddie's cry rang out sharply through the press box.

"I can't see how that ever made it in the goal! He should have seen that ball headed in the entire way. Did it go off the keeper's hands?" Andy said, trying to see a replay on a monitor.

"No, it looked like it went straight in. I can't believe it, that's a lucky goal for Casari. And the players are still bouncing all over each other as they head back for the kickoff."

"The Sarzonians look more determined than ever, now. They need 2 goals to just stay in the hunt in this group. Here's the kickoff, and they're already on the attack. Casari's best hope is going to be to just hold on and pray to god that nothing happens."

---

"Ten minutes left, and substitutions have seen Casari fall back with 5 defenders, desperately trying to do nothing other than hold the lead."

---

"And the cheers are clearly audible from the Casaran side of the field now, as all semblance of rows and sections are gone as the fans press forward in the final minutes... and it's over! Sarzonia is out on a 1-0 loss to Casari!"

"I have to admit, Eddie, I didn't think they could do it. What a shocker."

"That puts Sarzonia out. Third-placed team in the world, out at the group stage with a game left to play! And if nothing else, Casari has to be in the catbird seat in this group now."

"That's right. Sarzonia's going to be eager to leave with what pride they can manage in their match against Rejistania, While Casari needs to beat or tie the Kazoo Peoples to gaurentee themselves through. And amazingly enough, if Rejistania loses badly enough and Casari and the Kazoos get a tie result, both Casari and the Kazoos will, amazingly enough, push their way through a group that was supposed to finish in clear rank order."

"Well, Casari's always managed to work their way into interesting groups, and this cup is clearly no different. It will all be going down on the final matchday, and of course, it'll be here on CasariTVOne. I'm Eddie Brisari with Andy Ronalo on an incredable night here at the World Cup. From all of us here, to all of you, try not to drink too much, the final score of today's match- one-nil in favor of the Tigers here today, as unbelieveable as it is to say- and we'll see you next time."

New Montreal States

30-03-2006, 07:04

CANUCKS HAUL PALADINS BACK TO EARTH

3-0 loss makes qualification doubtful

BEDISTAN - After getting trashed by world #7 Hockey Canada, the Paladins face a must-win match against the Sea Dragons of Andossa Se Mitrin Vega.

Not a pleasant prospect, as the Dragons will be wanting payback for the loss suffered during the opening match of their own tournament (the second installment of which we're hoping to be invited to) and will have a chance to extract ample payback by denying the Paladins a trip to the Sweet 16.

The match itself makes for fairly unpleasant discussion, the States getting outplayed in just about every aspect of the game except for bitching at the refs, as was evidenced by the famously tempestuous Marc Tessier getting a red card for challenging a yellow he received for tripping in the 33rd minutes, maintaing instead that it was all an accident.

"That call was a piece of rubbish and should have been shitcanned posthaste," commented coach William Branstone after the match. "Oh wait, this thing on? As I was saying, that call was completly correct, and I'm very disappointed in Marc for his immature reaction."

Tessier will be replaced by Phillip Yates for the ASMV match.

HOCKEY CANADA 3 - Marxist 10, Leninist 33 (penalty), badly lost Shining Path Guerilla (76)
PALADINS 0 - Jack diddly.

TOURNAMENT SCORING

Villeneuve 10
Labranche 6
Toussaint 4
Chan 3
Pilon 3
Tessier 3
Gordon 2
Miller 2
Faulkner 1
Sgt. Pierce 1
Yates 1

Andossa Se Mitrin Vega

30-03-2006, 07:37

http://i14.photobucket.com/albums/a318/stormgiantxxxl/ASMVFNN.jpg

Sea Dragons Cling to Slim Hopes

This is Kellan Kildan reporting to you live from Bedistan.

Our Sea Dragons were in action again today as they took the pitch against Crystalkere. Luckily the novelty of just being here has not worn off, because once again our squad was shut out in competition. Crystalkere had to work hard for a 2-0 win over a very pesky ASMV defense. Not much else to say on this one.

But there is still a slim hope that despite the two consecutive losses, ASMV can move on in this competition. That hope is there because NMS dropped their match against Hockey Canada 3-0.

The standings now have HC easily moving on with 6 points while NMS and Crystalkere are all knotted at 3 points, but NMS did win the head-to-head.

That means that if HC can beat Crystalkere, as expected, then all we have to do is beat NMS to get back into the race. Now for the bad news. We will have to win that match by somewhere in the neighborhood of 6 points. That will not be an easy feat for the defensive-minded Sea Dragons. But hey, we still have hope.

And a 6 point win over the Paladins would be a great way to repay them for beating us in our stadium in our tourney in front of our fans. You can bet we will make our best effort in this one. Guaranteed. We will have plenty of fan support for the match. You can bet that Cuation and Hyppo fans will join with the drunks in yellow and blue to cheer for our side.

The dance for this Cinderella isnt quite over yet.

Spaam

30-03-2006, 08:12

We found this old copy on the coffee table...

Spaam Sports Weekly
NationStates' Most Notorious Sports Publication

Celebrating 100 Years of World Cup Participation

Spaam Qualify!

For the first time in over a quarter of a century, Spaam has qualified for the
World Cup. After some dismal qualifying performances from WCXI to WCXV,
coach Dochou Gee has initiated a reform in the Waffles international
performances. Coming close in the last World Cup qualifiers, quarter finalists
in the Cup of Harmony, the first time they had participated in over 50 years,
and finally qualifying this time, Spaam is now again a world player in the
international football.

Coming third in their qualifying group, the Waffles had to travel to Fmjphoenix
to play a single neutral match against 77th ranked Rolatia to determine who
would qualify for the World Cup. Keeper Morwetha Jelbert was still out of the
side with a broken wrist, so the team was not at full strength, and would rely
on its attack against the lower ranked team. Luckily, they made the first
strike, with Spaam's top striker Mylor Goss scoring in the 29th minute.
Rolatia equalised shortly after, but captain Ivey sent the Waffles ahead again
after the break, and midfielder Vivian scored his first international goal to
settle the game and the qualification.

Rolatia 1:3 Spaam
(1 Rolo 34) (17 Goss 29; 1 Ivey 58; 9 Vivian 87)

Statistics

Home vs Away
P W D L GF GA GD Pts PPG G%
Home 8 5 1 2 12 6 16 16 2.0 67
Away 8 3 4 1 8 6 2 13 1.6 57
Neutral 1 1 0 0 3 1 2 3 3.0 75
Total 17 9 5 3 23 13 17 32 1.9 64

Goal Scorers
No Name G P
17 Mylor Goss 7 16
1 Ewa Ivey 5 16
4 Crewenna Roskelly 4 16
6 Cleder Cawrse 3 12
8 Melyor Trewin 2 8
11 Credan Trethewey 1 12
9 Ludwan Vivian 1 12
7 Colan Trebilcock -1 8

Goal Keepers
No Name G P
12 Morwetha Jelbert 3 15
5 Grada Paynter 9 5

History
1 Spaam 4:0 Obsidianus W
2 Shing-Shang 1:1 Spaam D
3 Oliverry 1:0 Spaam L
4 BYE
5 Spaam 1:0 Haraki W
6 Priggdom 0:0 Spaam D
7 Starblaydia 0:1 Spaam W
8 Spaam 4:0 Wentland W
9 Spaam 0:0 East Lithuania D
10 Obsidianus 2:3 Spaam W
11 Spaam 2:0 Shing-Shang W
12 Spaam 0:1 Oliverry L
13 BYE
14 Haraki 1:1 Spaam D
15 Spaam 1:0 Priggdom W
16 Spaam 0:5 Starblaydia L
17 Wentland 0:1 Spaam W
18 East Lithuania 1:1 Spaam D

19 Rolatia 1:3 Spaam W

Spruitland

30-03-2006, 09:52

Booyah!

Spruitland - Total n Utter Insanity: 4 – 1

There were two ways tonight’s match could go. If the Wabbits lost, Group B would be pretty much decided and the match against Chicanada would be a waste of everyone’s time, only useful for statisticians. But if they won, the Wabbits would be in with a shout, their first Second Round appearance up for grabs.

Exclusive pre-match locker room access showed a room full of smoke and giggles as the Spruitland players prepared for the match, with Cor Bensen nowhere to be seen until the final minutes.

“Damn, that felt good,” he said, zipping up his pants and putting a hand on his stomach with a sigh of relief. When he noticed the camera crew huddled in the corner, he straightened his back and scraped his throat.

“Alright, listen up,” he boomed, sounding as official as ever, causing a new burst of the giggles. “We play the Insanicians tonight!”

He waited until the giggling cooled down a bit. After nearly a full minute, he continued.

“Total n Utter Insanity! Ranked 4th in the world. We’ve never beaten them, or even managed a draw against them. Or have we? I don’t think so… my memory’s not what it used to be.” He glanced around the room, but none of the players seemed to remember either.

“Anyways, no matter. We’re probably gonna lose today as well. That’s ok, we’re used to it. It’s what everyone expects, and we’re good at it. But you know what… when you go out onto that field in a few minutes, when you represent our nation’s colors, with billions of eyes all over the world focused on your every move, there’s one thing I want you all to remember. If you do win, we’ll be smoking the victory bong all night!”

He clapped his hands once and turned to the door. The Wabbits jumped up with a roaring cheer and head out after him, leaving their half-smoked joints in the waist-high community ashtray by the door.

The camera crew was waiting for them when they returned to the dressing room after ninety minutes of memorable football, a grinning Cor Bensen leading the pack. “Bong! Bong! Bong! Bong! Bong!” was the Wabbits’ victory chant, which only stopped to make way for a wild cheer when Bensen drew back the curtain of the central shrine.

Team captain Simon Briers was to take the first hit, with Dirk Jools (scoring two goals) and Lee Beck and Taki Sala (one goal each) lining up behind him. After that, the order wasn’t pre-determined, but the Wabbits shifted into formation as naturally as they had done on the field. Starters first, subs next, those who hadn’t come off the bench last. Nobody complained, there was plenty to go around. It was a big bong. It would be restocked several times that night.

Audioslavia

30-03-2006, 11:09

http://www.geocities.com/lifeobrien/bull.txt
Audioslavians Delighted, Insanicians Annihilated

The atmosphere in the changing rooms of both sides couldn't have been more different. Footage of the Chicanadans preparing for the game showed the team pysching themselves up and getting their game faces on. The Audioslavian dressing room, however, was almost as jovial as the Spruitland one would be. In between Tarturo Magasara's instructions, the team watched the Spruitland - Total 'n Utter Insanity match on television, broadcasting from the Metrewalkstadion a few hundred miles down the road. Apparently, its quite hard to listen to a team talk when you're busy laughing your collective asses off at the Insanicians. Unfortunately, the team missed TnUI's consolation goal at the end of the game, but then they did have a game to play themselves.

Audioslavia - Chicanada started with a flourish. Within four minutes Audioslavia were ahead, with Arturo Vitalis taking a pot-shot from just outside the area and sending the ball low and hard past Levison in the Chicanada goal, who must be thoroughly sick of the sight of ol' Arturo by now after his goals against them in the qualifiers.

Chicanada however, were not the type of team to give up, and got themselves back into the game within ten minutes. Caris Grandhaus darted between two claret and green shirts to recieve a lofted pass from midfield and, in what looked like one swift movement, controlled it and flicked it over Yngve's head with the outside of his right foot and into the right hand side of the goal in a contender for Goal of the Tournament.

Chicanada would take advantage of their goal by pressing the 'slaves down into their own half for much of the first half but this, like it did for Spruitland, ultimately let them down as the 'slaves counter-attacked with the usual lethal results. Again it was Sebastian Fiori who recieved a high ball in midfield, and again he sped down the wing and cut inside to face the two full backs who were covering. He attempted to sell Patizjan a dummy by feigning as if to go down to the by-line and instead cutting inside, but the experienced defender was wise to Fiori's play and stuck out a leg, disposessing the winger but only succeeding in flicking the ball out towards Arturo Vitalis who was following up. Vitalis put his foot on the ball and waited for one of the Chicanada defenders to come to him, before a simple twist of the foot sent the ball diagonally to the right where Polsson was arriving completely unmarked. It would take Nikki Polsson two attempts to get the ball past the goalie, with the first one being saved well by the keeper's legs, but he made no mistake with the rebound as he drove it hard into the opposite corner for 2-1.

That would be how the two teams would go into the dressing room for the first half break and ultimately, for the final whistle, but not without countless opportunities for both sides.

It was, understandably, Chicanada who had the bulk of the chances in the second forty-five, with the best falling to Caris Grandhaus, who himself hadn't endeared himself to Audioslavia's goalie Gunnar Yngve in his football in the quailfiers. Grandhaus would have Chicanada's best two chances to take a deserved equaliser from the game. The first came after fifty minutes. Seregivan and Turina combined in midfield to send Longfellow racing down the left hand side where, with a drop of the shoulder and a turn of pace, he easily beat Rijkaard and got to the by-line for the cross. The ball in swung outwards and was re-directed twice, first by Ollian's glancing header towards Seregivan who was arriving on the edge of the box. but secondly by Petaja in a botched attempt at a clearance header. The ball would ultimately fall to Grandhaus who needed quick footwork to control it and knock it past Mika Väinämöinen before unleashing a powerful shot which left Yngve helpless, watching it fly past him but hit the inside of the near post and deflect out accross the face of the goal to be cleared for a throw-in by Petaja. Grandhaus' second opportunity came from a corner six minutes later, finding himself with a free-header eight yards out but seeing the ball agonizingly cleared off the line by Didi Mussorgksy. Captain Olani Pjan would have a shot himself later on, driving a sixteen-yard effort straight at Yngve, before Turina saw a curling effort from the edge of the area glance off the top of the bar and, at the other end, Callum Baxter would have an effort expertly saved by Levison.

Chicanada kept pressing right until the final whistle, but found the elusive equalising goal exactly that, and succumbed to their second defeat of the campaign, albiet with a much more adept performance.

FINAL SCORE
Audioslavia 2 (Vitalis 4, Polsson 33)
Chicanada 1 (Grandhaus 11)

P W D L F A GD Pts
Audioslavia 2 2 0 0 6 3 +3 6
Spruitland 2 1 0 1 6 5 +1 3
Total 'n Utter Insanity 2 1 0 1 4 4 +0 3
Chicanada 2 0 0 2 1 4 -4 0

The 'slaves are as good as through to the second round of World Cup 28, but will have to keep Total 'n Utter Insanity at bay to be absoloutely sure of qualifying. A two goal defeat, coupled with a Spruitland win over Chicanada, would dump Audioslavia out the competition for the second time in a row, and for the second time in a row to TnUI too. Chicanada themselves can still qualify. If the Chicanadans can get a win over Spruitland by three goals, and Audioslavia can beat TnUI, then they will go through on goal difference.

Audioslavia vs Total 'n Utter Insanity, Volume Seven

World Cup 10 First Round: Audioslavia 1-0 Total 'n Utter Insanity (in Lemmitania)
World Cup 11 First Round: Audioslavia 1-0 Total 'n Utter Insanity (in TnUI)
World Cup 14 Qualifier: Audioslavia 0-3 Total 'n Utter Insanity (in TnUI)
World Cup 14 Qualifier: Audioslavia 2-1 Total 'n Utter Insanity (in Audioslavia)
World Cup 21 Quarter Final: Audioslavia 1-2 Total 'n Utter Insanity (in Lethislavania)
World Cup 26 First Round: Audioslavia 1-4 Total 'n Utter Insanity (in Oliverry)
World Cup 27 First Round: Audioslavia ?-? Total 'n Utter Insanity (in Bedistan)

As you can see from the above list, its 3-3 in the series between two of the biggest rivals in the game. The series started with two victories for Audioslavia, followed by a win each, followed by two victories for Total 'n Utter Insanity. Who will win tommorows game is anybody's guess, and most bookies are offering evens for both sides. TnUI are ranked higher and are always capable of beating whoevers in front of them, but the same has been said of past Audioslavian sides and, if the unbelievable qualifying run is anything to go by, then this Audioslavia side is just as capable as the past ones.

Rather amazingly, there hasn't been any bloodshed between the two sides since World Cup 11, where many of the Audioslavian side were assasinated by the TnUFBI. That is, of course, not counting the dozens of injuries that occur off the pitch in clashes between rival fans. Bedistani police will have to be on their toes in the run up to the game to stop things escalating like they have done so many times in the past.

IBJJ,G'NB

Jeruselem

30-03-2006, 13:08

Jeruselem Government News

Nedalians win, Nedalians lose ... Jeruselem into 2nd round

It's sad when Nedalia who had a really bad World Cup 27, have their "other" teams in the same Group. The problem is one will make and the other will not. With a team called Starblaydia around the corner for Jeruselem, the Crusaders could not slip up against Bettia at all. Jeruselem need to win get the next round, Bettia needed a win just to stay in contention.

Jeruselem won the tussle with Bettia 3-2 and sadly, Bettia cannot make the next round. Jeruselem cannot be removed now. It was a game which was much more attacking than the Jeruselem win against Commerce Heights. Both teams didn't sit and defend, they attacked.

Bettia slammed home a penalty after last game's hero Sissy upset an Bettia attacker in the penalty area with clumsy challenge. Bettia 1-0 in the 15 minute. The unreliable Massad who had been uneffective last few games equalised. He broke an offside trap and lobbed the Bettian keeper to make amends for his last game. All at 1 goal in the 43th minute.

Bettia replied again the 2nd half when a corner was blasted with clinical header past a unsuspecting Jeruselem defense. Bettia 2 - Jeruselem 1 50th minute. It was time for hero to step up, not much happened for the next 25 minutes as both teams tired.

Massad, the unreliable, deadlocked the scores. He had free kick and turned it into a missile. A low flying free kick crashed into the Bettia goal under the Bettian keeper who was just too slow to stop the curling missile of a soccer ball. 2 ALL - 75th minute.

A period of attack and counter-attack with both keepers flying around like superman to stop anything. Still 2 ALL and heading towards overtime - just what Jeruselem hate .

Massad saved the day with his hat trick. He stole the ball off an tired Bettian midfielder - charging down the field all by himself. He ducked and weaved all round the place like maniac and send home the winning goal. Bettians cried while Crusader fans with their plastic swords rejoiced.

Sad for Bettia - but we were playing the Starz next.

Massad said to JGN "Guus said I've been playing crap lately. So today I really tried even if I got hurt or red-carded. I want to play a team in the World Cup finals, so I played like it was the last game. I will retire from World Cups after the last Jeruselem games here, so I want be here as long as possible. I want a World Cup too."

Milchama

30-03-2006, 15:41

Chi Sun-Times-Tribune-Domestic-International-Star-News-Today

Sports Section

Milchama don't get embarrassed but still lose anyway

Once again the Milchama Warriors lost, this time to Tadjikistan by a score of 4-2. The loss was not a bad one for the Warriors espiecially following that 8-3 debacle against Liverpool England. The Warriors even had a chance to get the draw after Copperlee, who has been great throughout the World Cup, tied the game in the 68th minute. Coach Jamie Smith said, "We've learned a lot from this World Cup. We learned first of all that we need a better defensive play if we're going to beat the big boys. The second thing we have learned is that our up tempo game can work but it only works in spurts and that we need to find a way to sustain it longer. That being said we have done fairly well and I think that we can get a point off Schiavonia to give us the 1 point we were looking for coming into this World Cup. I also have to say one more thing, we're doing as well as Sarzonia we can at least be happy about that."
Now onto the match report:

The Warriors started well again as they felt more comfortable against the Tadjiks having played them before in World Cup 26. This familiarity did not seem to help either side early on as the Tadjiks forced the Warriors in the middle and the Milchamians forced the Tadjiks to play back with their aggressive tempo. This led to a big stalemate without many good chances for either side. The first goal looked like more of a fluke than something good as Antoine Sanchez found Spot Nielson at the halfway mark. Nielson then shredded his way past two defenders before cranking a curving 20 yard shot that went past in the goalie and into the net to give the Warriors the lead. This lead did not last long however as the Tadjiks soon struck back when Pliiev, the captain, found Saidomir Saradov in the box and he headed the ball in with ease to tie the game at one. This goal started the Tadjikistan dominance that would last until the half. This dominance ended up in a goal when Saradov found Tulberdiev on a thru ball. Tulberdiev was already past the defence before he shot and scored against Clay Finton. The score at halftime was 2-1.

Second Half Report:
The second started much like the beginning of the first half with neither team able to get going. The Tadjiks looked to be first to score but Clay Finton made two spectacular and then Saradov was ruled offside. These good plays soon led to some nice counter attacks by the Warriors and none was better than in the 68th when Kyoga Marcazumi (he had come in for Pevington) found Darian Flinters. Flinters then pushed the ball forward with his speed before passing and finding Dunston Copperlee open right outside of the box. Copperlee beat his marker and scored to tie the game at 2. Things were then looking good for the Warriors as they continued to attack and almost scored in the 75th minute before Daniel Gurchev punched it away. His ensuing goal kick though helped Tadjikistan greatly as he found Pliiev who found Zyrianov and Zyrianov did not miss from 16 as he gave the Tadjiks the 3-2. The Warriors had one more chance in the 88th minute when Elana Kilinin found J.J. Faren on the edge of the box. Unfortunately Faren's cross got intercepted by Ashurov and Ashurov found Kirponos who found Saradov and Saradov scored to kill any hopes of a Milchama come back.
Final Score:
Milchama 2 (Nielson 23, Copperlee 68)
Tadjikistan 4 (Saradov 28, 89, Tulberdiev 40, Zyrianov 77)

Schiavonia

30-03-2006, 16:25

The Schiavone Scribe
Ignor-amusing
Liverpool England 2-0 Schiavonia

It seems that Liverpool England have learnt their lesson after last time. Do not underestimate the power of the Sloths.

Whereas when the two sides met at World Cup 26, and the Terminators turned up expecting an easy ride against the number 139 ranked team. They didn't get one.

This time, they knew better, and put up mush more of a fight. In what was quite an even game, it was Schiavonia's comedy defence that was the difference.

Two comical moments, one involving an overly powerful Fernando Smith backpass that Ben Kershaw could just watch fly past him into the net, the other involved Park and Marsden running into each other whilst trying to clear a long ball, allowing Luis Sunderland in to secure the win.

Still, it isn't over for the Sloths. A big win for the already qualified Ignoramuses against Tadjiukistan, coupled with a big win for the Sloths against Milchama, and Schiavonia can still make the second stage for the first time ever.

Imaginfe the party if that happened!

Final score
Liverpool England 2 (Smith o.g. 57, Sunderland 73)
Schiavonia 0

Tadjikistan

30-03-2006, 17:01

Good but not good enough
By Simon Grinchik, part time sportsjournalist

The Tigers won their match, but the critics werent too happy at the way it happened and were merciless in their verdict. Once more, the defenders were targetted and could only count on the support of their coach and fellow players

Georgi Shpagin looked forward to this game, the Tigers could win and everything is ok or they lost and he is right. Now it seems he gets a bit of both: 'Simply not good enough, especially with the upcoming match against Liverpool England. The first Warrior goal showed how both Andreev and Polozkov were unable to stop a Milchamian striker from scoring. Good thin there was a veteran like Gurchev in the Tadjik box or we might have been looking at a 3-3 draw.'

Most fans agreed that the Tigers could have done better but they were happy with the three points. The majority believes the Tigers will gain the upper hand eventually, as they have done before. Thus Alexander Zaev got some slack and realized that this wasnt the way to win :'Positive was our midfield that allowed us to dominate alot of the game, while the strikers did their job. They're the ones that dragged us through. But for once i'm agreeing that Shpagin was right, the defense needs to improve and i'm going to give Shpagin what he wants, Polozkov and Andreev will be replaced by Skoropadski and Petlyura.'

While winning cheered up the Tadjik fans, the best news the Tadjiks received was Liverpool Englands victory against the Schiavonia Sloths. The Terminators have a comfortable 6 points now and are through to the next round while Tadjikistan gets to fight it out with Schiavonia. Daniel Gurchev made a realistic prediction: 'A draw would be enough to consolidate the second place and thats probably the best bet. Liverpool England won conincingly against Milchama and Schiavonia while we struggled against both. Lets hope Milchama can tie to the Sloths as their coach Jamie Smith, said.'

Tadjikistan - 4
Saradov '28 '89, Tulberdiev '40, Zyrianov '77
Milchama - 2
Nielson '23, Copperlee '68

Fixtures:
MD1: Stay home, do nothing
MD2: Giant Zucchini - Tadjikistan W 1-3
MD3: Tadjikistan - Pastorville W 2-0
MD4: Green Wombat - Tadjikistan W 0-4
MD5: Tadjikistan - Emperor Pudu D 1-1
MD6: Lovisa - Tadjikistan L 2-1
MD7: Tadjikistan - Andossa Se Mitrin Vega W 3-0
MD8: Becquerelia - Tadjikistan D 1-1
MD9: Tadjikistan - Georgonia D 1-1
MD10: Stay home again, do nothing
MD11: Tadjikistan - Giant Zucchini W 3-1
MD12: Pastorville - Tadjikistan W 0-4
MD13: Tadjikistan - Green Wombat W 6-0
MD14: Emperor Pudu - Tadjikistan W 0-4
MD15: Tadjikistan - Lovisa W 2-1
MD16: Andossa se Mitrin Vega - Tadjikistan W 0-4
MD17: Tadjikistan - Becquerelia W 4-1
MD18: Georgonia - Tadjikistan L 1-0
----------------------------------------------------------
GM1: Tadjikistan - Schiavonia D 4-4
GM2: Tadjikistan - Milchama W 4-2
GM3: Liverpool England - Tadjikistan

Tadjik Goalscorers:
Zyrianov - 14
Saradov - 14
Tulberdiev - 11
Pliiev - 5
Kirponos - 2
Kornilov - 2
Priore - 1
Gurchev - 1
Zverev - 1

Fmjphoenix

30-03-2006, 21:25

Jungle Cats strike Vikings down, makes last matchday interesting
Four teams with three points, what the crap?

Tristam Bumbar made things hell for Vikings fans. With the crowd of 134,578 on their feet in the final minute, Bumbar rocketed a desperate shot from nearly 40 feet out to deliver the final blow and stun the Vikings 2-1. Couple that with Spaam defeating Oliverry 2-0, it has made Group H into one of the most interesting.

The first half of the matchup saw little action, as it was nearly a possession battle the entire time. It wasn't until nearly the end of the first half that a goal was scored. Andrew Jenkins scored his first goal of World Cup 27 in the 44th minute when Jawz Oaker couldn't sink his teeth into the header that Jenkings deployed for the 1-0 lead. The second half favored the Vilitans though as Bumbar would go on to disipate the lead with a brilliantly placed shot to the lower right side of the net that Justin Keys just could not get to. Despite more possession battling going on, the Vilitans just kept pushing the Vikings further and further back. Still they would not give up, as they continued to push the Jungle Cats back. Unfourtunetly for everyone in Fmjphoenix, they learned that Bumbar doesn't just have a leg, but a cannon. His last minute shot carried right on into the net past Keys, giving Vilita the win in their first meeting.

Now things are very interesting in Group H. With Spaam defeating Oliverry 2-0, each team sits tied for first with 3 points. Fmjphoenix sits on top with the best goal difference of +4. Oliverry is second with +1 and Spaam is ahead of Vilita with having scored one more goal than the Jungle Cats, as both teams have a -2 goal difference. With the group like this, that puts an unbelievable amount of importence on this one matchup. Whichever two teams win go through. Its that simple.

"We had a chance to be set to go through no matter what and we blew it. Now we have to buckle down and play with 110% or else we will have disapointed our nation right in front of them. This is our chance to bring the cup home right in front of our fans. We have to do it for them." Captian Mike Nolan said in a press conference after the match.

Fmjphoenix: 1 - Vilita: 2
Jenkins 44 - Bumbar

Fmjphoenix Vikings World Cup 27:
Group Stage
MD1: Fmjphoenix 6 - 2 Spaam
MD2: Fmjphoenix 1 - 2 Vilita
MD3: Fmjphoenix ? - ? Oliverry

Viking Goal Scorers
Nolan 3
Howard 1
Boyd 1
Ijanaeil 1
Jenkins 1

Starblaydia

30-03-2006, 21:54

We Scored Three, They Didn't?
Starblaydia thrash capitaliZts: Three-Nil

Matches between these sides often produce score draws. There was a time, even, when a score-draw was the expected result when Starblaydia played Commerce Heights.

World Cup 16 Qualifiers:
Starblaydia 0-1 Commerce Heights
Commerce Heights 1-1 Starblaydia

World Cup 17 Qualifiers:
Commerce Heights 3-3 Starblaydia
Starblaydia 1-1 Commerce Heights

These results, however, were forty years ago, with none of the players in today's match even born at that time. In fact, Starblaydia's Dwarven manager Khim Azanulbizarn was a fresh-faced, barely-bearded fifteen year old. Now, however, in World Cup 27's Finals, Starblaydia finally set the record straight and defeated Commerce Heights good and proper.

Two goals in three minutes just before half time effectively ended the CapitaliZts thoughts of a win, with a Jade Matranga goal the killed off the game as a contest.

Jade's goal re-starts a tradition of somone from the Matranga Family scoring in the World Cup proper: Matrangas, whether Nick, Itechton or Jade, have now scored in every World Cup since World Cup 19 - thirty-two years ago - with the singluar exception of World Cup 26 when no Matranga was included in the Starblaydi squad.

Jaime Oberlander, up from the back following a corner, was the first to Paul Noble's cross to open the scoring, while a curling Menecrates free-kick - with the last kick of the half - made it two-nil and deflated Heights' hopes. Starblaydia knew they would soon be progressing to the knockout stages, and Commerce Heights seemingly had consigned themselves to defeat. Jade Matranga sealed that fate by bursting into the penalty area and cutting it back to Dasha Tolkacheva. Dash could only smash her shot against the post, but Jade was there - played onside by a covering defender - to tap the ball into an empty net.

Dasha herself needs just one more goal to break Zhorin Tumunzahar's record of thirteen goals in a campaign, something which she currently shares with him after netting two against Bettia in the previous match. What price a Tolkacheva record-breaker against Jeruselem as Starblaydia take maximum points from Group D?

Final score from Stadium X, Bedistan:
Commerce Heights 0 - 3 Starblaydia
(None) - (Oberlander 43, Menecrates 45, Matranga 77)

Sarzonia

30-03-2006, 23:02

Woodstock Daily Mail

Stars reduced to playing for pride

by Ryan Calvin
Daily Mail Staff Writer

After two shocking upsets at the hands of lesser competition, Coach Dave Wilson and the Sarzonian national football team are reduced to playing their last match against the Rejistanian national team with nothing at stake. After losing their most recent match to Casari 1-0, the Stars (0-0-2, zero points) are left to answer to critics who say the team pushed itself too hard during qualifiers.

"That's absolutely ridiculous," forward Kevin Wilson said. "I don't think anyone on this team wanted to go in and lose any matches that we've played so far. We're not that kind of team."

Maybe not, but Dave Wilson said several times as the Stars' 16 match winning streak continued to build that he was concerned that his team hadn't faced the kind of adversity that hard-fought wins or controversial losses deliver. Without a single loss, Dave Wilson said he was concerned the team would be complacent and expect to win no matter how they played.

"When we won the World Cup, we lost in the qualifying stage," Dave Wilson said. "The year we got back to the Finals, we struggled out of the gate but we still managed to put it together long enough to get back to the finals. This time, we didn't face any serious challenges until the first match of the groups stage. That's not the time to face your first real test."

The players disagreed with their coach's statement, saying that the Stars' 0:1 away win over Krytenia was "a serious test."

"It's not like this team doesn't know how to put it together," midfielder Jenna Raven said, her eyes red with tears. "We got robbed by the Bedistani officiating crew. That's all there is to it." Raven also disputed the Casari account of the 64th minute goal that sent the Stars to elimination.

"The guy was offside," she said. "The linesman had his flag up but the ref ignored it. That Bedistani ref had money on the game."

"Let's not get into that," Dave Wilson said. "The fact is, we had our chances to win both matches regardless of what happened with the officiating and we didn't lay it on the line when we had to."

Dave Wilson said the team would field its regular starting 11 against Registania, and said he would use the Stars' last match of a promising World Cup XXVII that went so disasterously wrong to evaluate the players.

"I want to see who's going to mail it in and who's going to come out fighting," Dave Wilson said. "I want to make sure the players we're going to want to be part of the future of this club are the ones who stay. I want to keep the players who come into this match eager to knock off the Evil Empire. I don't want the ones who come in saying they've got nothing to play for. Beating Rejistania for the first time at the senior level is something to play for."

Dave Wilson said after the match that he plans to remain the team's coach heading into World Cup XXVIII, looking to quash rumours that he would retire again after World Cup XXVII.

"I'm in this for the long haul. I said that when I took this job again and I'll say it until that point gets across. I want to stay here until we win the World Cup again if my health is still good."

Krytenia

30-03-2006, 23:21

http://i25.photobucket.com/albums/c58/Krytenia/thsdNEWS.png
Headline Special

Constanin No-Hope!
Revived Constantinople 1-3 KRYTENIA

Llama Karma
Lethislavania 1-3 KRYTENIA

Palace In Blunderland
KRYTENIA 4-1 Palacetonia

Ror Like A Mouse
Rorysville 2-2 KRYTENIA

On Our Neas
Sarzonia 4-1 KRYTENIA

Whoops Hypocalypse
Hypocria 0-4 KRYTENIA

Legal Entry
KRYTENIA 4-2 Legalese, Krytenia qualify

Lovisa Battlefield
KRYTENIA 1-1 Lovisa (in Bedistan)

Monks In Land Of Grease And Honey
KRYTENIA 2-1 The Archregimancy (in Bedistan)

The Kazoo Peoples

31-03-2006, 01:01

Kazoos to face Casari tonight, after tough loss to Rejistania.

"I'm disappointed that we lost, but they are still a better team than we are," said Head Coach Manni Aka after the game. "We still have a chance to advance to the knockout stages though, which is a good thing."

The Kazoos fell to Rejistania 2-1 yesterday evening. Cort Izzone had the only goal, a lucky shot off the crossbar that dropped in the goal at minute 74. But it was too little, too late, as by that point, Rejistania had already been up by a 2-0 margin.

"Despite being a defensive-based team, they still attacked agressively," said Manni Aka. "They capitalised on scoring chances each and every time we messed up."

Local crazy person Donald McRonald had the qualifying scenarios all figured out. He laid them out for us:

"If we win, and Rejistania loses or draws, we're in. That one is simple. If we draw, and Rejistania loses, then it gets a bit more complicated. Rejistania must score less goals than us if we draw. For example, if it is a 2-1 loss, then the Kazoos need to grab a 2-2 draw. I think that about covers it."

And we hope it does, because we have no idea what's going on. Thanks to Donald McRonald for that report.

(OOC: Sorry for this being short, more to be added if I have time later)

Bedistan

31-03-2006, 04:11

Matchday 2 scores for Groups E-H are now being posted in the scores thread, and Matchday 3 scores for those groups will arrive in your telegram boxes shortly.

Sarzonia

31-03-2006, 05:05

Stars salvage history, 2-0

In Coach Dave Wilson's long and distinguished career as national team coach of the Sarzonian national football team, his Stars had never defeated Rejistania no matter how good his teams were. No matter what approach his team tried, Rejistania was always better than the Stars on matchdays.

Not anymore. With his Stars playing a match with only their pride at stake, the team got an inspired effort from every player on the roster, getting goals from Jenna Raven and Brian Williams and defeating Rejistania 2-0 to salvage one win out of a disappointing World Cup XXVII finals trip.

When the final whistle sounded, the Stars (1-0-2, three points) piled on top of each other as if they'd won their second World Cup. Even Wilson, a man just months away from his 70th birthday, jumped up and down on the sidelines after the contents of a bucket of Mariner's Grog (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showthread.php?t=472798) dripped from his team jacket.

"We beat the Evil Empire!" Wilson shouted after his reserves ran onto the pitch to join the pile with the starting 11 who played the entire match. "There's a first time for everything!"

When he had time to compose himself and take a shower, Wilson said the team played its normal brand of football "with an attitude." Sarzonia outfouled the Orange-Blues 29-16 and drew four cautions, including one on Wilson himself for "getting in the grill" of Rejistanian coach Seletarakeledira Hanselijimijile.

"He was yelling something nasty sounding at my players," Wilson said after the match. "All I remember hearing was abysmali. I told him to shut the [expletive] up in Rejistanian and questioned his upbringing. After the match, I told him, 'I guess attack does not mean defeat'."

Even though the team will not play a match until they defend their title at the second Dragon Invitational, the Stars can at least go into their next match with something to build on for the future, Williams said.

"If we'd ended this World Cup finals without even a point, or with only one point, it would have left us with an even worse taste in our mouth," he said. "This way, we at least got something out of our trip." Namely, slaying the biggest demon the team has ever faced.

"At least now we can say we beat them," Wilson said.

Squornshelous

31-03-2006, 08:40

Squornshelous Moving Along

A win in matchday two made the third match meaningless
Squornshelous was able to pull together and just barely squeaked out a 1-0 victory over Praying2God in matchday 2 of the group stage. When coupled with a 3-0 win by Eauz over Turori, this meant that Squornshelous ans Eauz sat comfortalby out of reach of Turori and Praying2God. The last remaining match would simply be played as a formality. As a result, all of the Squornshelan starters were rested, to keep them fresh for the second round. It was no surprise that Squornshelous was ineffective against the Eauzian defense, as the players on the field had little international experience, and even less playing with each other. The lone Squornshelan goal was scored by midfielder Jeff Harris, who put one in on a free kick just outside the box.

Final Scores:
Squornshelous 1-0 Praying2God
Eauz 2-1 Squornshelous

Squornshelous' World Cup Schedule:
wins losses draws byes
Qualifying:
MD01: bye
MD02: The Islands of Qutar 1-3 Squornshelous
MD03: Squornshelous 5-1 The Macabees
MD04: Jon Parkin 4-4 Squornshelous
MD05: Squornshelous 5-0 San Adriano
MD06: Schiavonia 4-2 Squornshelous
MD07: Squornshelous 2-0 Kericia
MD08: Apologetic Kittens 1-6 Squornshelous
MD09: Squornshelous 5-0 Spaamanian Plijous
MD10: bye
MD11: Squornshelous 3-0 The Islands of Qutar
MD12: The Macabees 0-5 Squornshelous
MD13: Squornshelous 4-1 Jon Parkin
MD14: San Adriano 0-4 Squornshelous
MD15: Squornshelous 4-1 Schiavonia
MD16: Kericia 0-4 Squornshelous
MD17: Squornshelous 3-1 Apologetic Kittens
MD18: Spaamanian Plijous 0-8 Squornshelous
Finals:
GS01: Squornshelous 3-2 Turori
GS02: Squornshelous 1-0 Praying2God
GS03: Eauz 2-1 Squornshelous
Ro16: Squornshelous vs. ???

Schiavonia

31-03-2006, 12:59

"...And forward they come again, McAndrew this time, playing on but heavily bandaged, it's three on three as he plays in Tarmey, that's a marvellous run. What can he do here?"

"That's what he can do here! Finton helpless, Tarmey makes it four-one, and it must almost be over now. In fact, as we look at the replay the final whistle has gone. Schiavonia have ended up handing out the third bashing in a row to the Milchama Warriors, 4-1, and now all that they can do is hope that Tadjikistan are beaten by two or more by Liverpool England. The Sloths have given it their best shot tonight, so whether they're out or in, they've still done us proud..."

Tadjikistan

31-03-2006, 14:40

Tigers reach Round of 16
By Simon Grinchik, part time sportsjournalist

The Tigers are in a difficult period, it cant be denied. WC26 went much smoother than this. But even now, the Tigers worked their collective asses of to move on. The Liverpool England Terminators were a bit to strong and the Tigers lost, but with the smallest difference

Liverpool England - 4
Hairston '29, Sunderland '35 '60, Osborne '64
Tadjikistan - 3
Pliiev '40, Saradov '82 '85

The Tigers really hoped to put their team back on the right tracks, expecting to take one point atleast and remain unbeaten in group G, but it turned out different. The Terminators were quick to take the lead and gave it up again.
Michael Pliiev played a strong match in the midfield but he could only watch as he saw the opposition take over 'We got enough shots to the strikers but they never got through or failed to finish off the moves they started. There was also a problem in the defense where we had Skoropadski and Petlyura instead of our starting defenders. While they are good players, I believe we shouldnt have replaced two defenders for such an important game.'

The beginning of the second half was much like the first half; Liverpool England always proved a bit stronger and faster. Gurchev had to take two more balls out of his netts by the 64th minute. He was extremely unhappy in what is most likely one of his last matches for the national team :'I'm 40, so I wont see another World Cup, If I could see one last victory in which we can all take joy, that'd be an excellent way to end my carreer. Today was just not our day. luckily, we have a couple of skilled people running around to give you the idea that we're actually good.'

One of those was Saidomir Saradov, the oldest of the Strikers and even in his own club, one of the pillars a team can rely on. Saradov got his collegue's into a last desperate offensive to turn the tide, making the two last Tadjik goals himself and bringing the Tigers close to a draw '4-4 would have been an amazing feat, but time and Adam Carrero were against us. I was actually kind of sad, thinking it was all over.
Indeed, during the second half they heard Schiavonia was leading against the Milchamian Warriors, even the optimists doubted Tadjikistans chances until they were told Schiavonia had won with 4-1. A quick calculation by Coach Zaev revealed that the Tigers kept their second position. This is what Group G should look like right now:

Pos Team P W D L GF GA GD Pts
1 Liverpool England 2 2 0 0 14 6 8 9
2 Tadjikistan 2 1 1 0 11 10 1 4
3 Schiavonia 2 0 1 1 8 7 -1 4
4 Milchama 2 0 0 2 6 16 -7 0

'All in all, we havent done that bad. 3 losses in 21 matches in not something you should be ashame of' Zaev declared 'So for me, it doesnt matter what team we end up against in the 1/16th finals. We should praise whatever god protected us here and take it as a lesson not to take anything for granted.'

Fixtures:
MD1: Stay home, do nothing
MD2: Giant Zucchini - Tadjikistan W 1-3
MD3: Tadjikistan - Pastorville W 2-0
MD4: Green Wombat - Tadjikistan W 0-4
MD5: Tadjikistan - Emperor Pudu D 1-1
MD6: Lovisa - Tadjikistan L 2-1
MD7: Tadjikistan - Andossa Se Mitrin Vega W 3-0
MD8: Becquerelia - Tadjikistan D 1-1
MD9: Tadjikistan - Georgonia D 1-1
MD10: Stay home again, do nothing
MD11: Tadjikistan - Giant Zucchini W 3-1
MD12: Pastorville - Tadjikistan W 0-4
MD13: Tadjikistan - Green Wombat W 6-0
MD14: Emperor Pudu - Tadjikistan W 0-4
MD15: Tadjikistan - Lovisa W 2-1
MD16: Andossa se Mitrin Vega - Tadjikistan W 0-4
MD17: Tadjikistan - Becquerelia W 4-1
MD18: Georgonia - Tadjikistan L 1-0
-----------------------WC27-----------------------------------
GM1: Tadjikistan - Schiavonia D 4-4
GM2: Tadjikistan - Milchama W 4-2
GM3: Liverpool England - Tadjikistan L 4-3
-----------------------1/16------------------------------------
1/16:

Tadjik Goalscorers:
Saradov - 16
Zyrianov - 14
Tulberdiev - 11
Pliiev - 6
Kirponos - 2
Kornilov - 2
Priore - 1
Gurchev - 1
Zverev - 1

Fmjphoenix

01-04-2006, 03:54

Scores for matchday 3 are being TGed. Matchday 2 tables in scores thread.

The Archregimancy

01-04-2006, 05:48

THE ARCHREGIMANCY BRINGS YOU

WORLD CUP TONIGHT

With Fr. Nicholas the Scribe and Fr. John the Golden-Throated

"So... Fr. John... Played three, lost three?"

"'Fraid so, Fr. Nicholas. Another close one - this time against Lovisa - but another close loss. Another close 2-1 loss, to be precise. This time we even took the lead through this magnificent first half strike from Fr. Basil the Faster, but once half the starting XI collapsed from Lenten fast-induced starvation in the second half, we found it slightly hard to compete, and only an inspired performance from Fr. Justinian in goal spared us total humiliation."

"Humilation? What, like Milchama?"

"No that's unfair and un-Christian, Fr. Nicholas. Our fellow debutants perhaps managed to prove that Hebrews aren't God's chosen footballers, but that doesn't mean we should be making jokes at their expense. Like us, I'm sure they're proud just to be here."

"But our getting knocked out of the World Cup surely pales in comparison to the news that....."

"....We're co-hosting World Cup 28! I know! It's so terribly exciting Fr. Nicholas! While qualifying for the first time may have been a humbling experience, we have been truly blessed by the Lord with the ultimate reward - a chance to host the World Cup."

"So until the footballing world descends on New Montreal States and the Archregimancy in four ordinary reality years - or a few Archregimancy weeks - it's goodbye from me, and it's goodbye from Fr. John!"

Andossa Se Mitrin Vega

01-04-2006, 06:46

http://i14.photobucket.com/albums/a318/stormgiantxxxl/ASMVFNN.jpg

The Sea Dragons have greatly enjoyed their first taste of WC qualification which ended tonight at 0-3 after a 2-1 loss to New Montreal States.

OOC- Congrats NMS on the win. The match RP is all yours. Have fun.

Starblaydia

01-04-2006, 12:53

And were you beat, in ancient times...
Jeruselem builded here with 3-1 win over Starblaydia

With both teams on six points from their two Group matches so far, Starblaydia and Jeruselem were both guaranteed progression to the Second Round, the knock-out stages of the World Cup. This match would 'merely' decide who went through as Group Winners, and who took second. Starblaydia had by far the superior goal difference, so only a draw was needed for the men in white and purple.

Things started badly enough for Starblaydia when Jeruselem striker Harry Kool struck the top-corner from long range after a quarter of an hour, totally beating Nicholas Mathias. Though Dasha Tolkacheva turned record-breaker with her fourteenth goal of the campaign, setting a new Starblaydi record as she netted her thirty-first in international competition, Starblaydia's equaliser was short-lived as Cisco Ibanez hacked down Chainey in the penalty area. After the inevitable red card for Ibanez, Harry Kool simply bagged his second goal from the spot and took Jeruselem into Half-Time with a one-goal advantage.

Despite some swapping-around during the break, Starblaydia's ten players just couldn't break down Jeruselem throughout the second half, and when Osama bin Socca broke through the heart of the reduced defence to make it three-one, Starblaydia knew their consolation from losing this match would be to still go through to the next stage.

Final score from Stadium X, Bedistan:
Starblaydia 1 - 3 Jeruselem
(Tolkacheva 33) - (Kool 17 & 44, bin Socca 62)

Jeruselem

01-04-2006, 14:04

RG: Rebecca Goldstein
GH: Guus Hiddink

GH: Hello, who are you?
RG: Your local JGN interviewer
GH: Where's Anna Goldstein?
RG: Oh, she's not well. I'm her daughter!
GH: Oh, you did look kind of familiar
RG: Jeruselem had a great game against StarBlaydia. 3-1 win against the Starz is a great result
GH: The team worked hard and the slackers picked up for the group stage. It's all down to hard work.
RG: Harry Kool just played like God today
GH: No quite, but he was definitely on form. Our defense held against StarBlaydia who are not goal shy
RG: So we defied all the tipsters who said Commerce Heights would be too good
GH: We made last World Cup, so we can do it again.
RG: So confident for the 2nd round?
GH: Yes, but we actually have to win a 2nd round game one day. Lost 24 and 26 ... this time it should be different as long we don't run to the Terminators again
RG: Yes, they look unstoppable.
GH: You had a request ...
RG: Can have Harry's phone number?
GH: Why?
RG: Err, I kind of fancy him
GH: Oh, so do millions of other Jeruselem girls
RG: Please ...
GH: I'll have to ask Harry first
RG: Better get back to the soccer ... now, any changes for next game?
GH: A few injury worries. I won't be playing injured players for the 2nd round game except they will on the bench if needed.
RG: What about penalty practice?
GH: We'll need it but hopefully we won't be needing it if we win in regular time. Overtime is a worry though. The boys need the rest, but they don't complain
RG: Any reserves to play?
GH: Only when needed
RG: Hocket Canada has also made the 2nd round
GH: Good news as long as we don't play them. That will be not desired
RG: Our chances for the finals?
GH: Winning the 2nd would help.

Spaam

01-04-2006, 14:51

Spaam Sports Weekly
NationStates' Most Notorious Sports Publication

Celebrating 100 Years of World Cup Participation

Spaam Do The Impossible

Dochou Gee, coach of the Spaamanian Waffles, was not happy with merely
qualifying for the World Cup, for the first time since before most of his players
were born. After Fmjphoenix scored more goals in one match against Spaam
than any other team in history, albeit without their star keeper, Gee was
adamant that his team give it everything in the next two matches. And it
seemed to work; Morwetha Jelbert came back from injury for their match
against Oliverry, and they took their revenge for two 1-0 losses by
dominating the Fleurdelis two goals to none.

Some lucky results then put Spaam in an enviable position: with all four teams
in their group on three points, the Waffles could make it past the first round
with as little as a draw. Of course, they were facing the world number 18
and former world champions, Vilita. Though it was technically their easiest
match, it was like saying running from Artanis to Amana was easier than to
Austraea. Nevertheless, if they could beat Starblaydia at home, and Oliverry
by two, the Waffles had proven they COULD do anything. So it was with a
full-strength, pumped-up, determined team of Spaamanians, that they went
on to the field against Vilita.

The energy in Slope Stadium in Fmjphoenix was palpable; the crowd knew
what was at stake - either former world champions Vilita on their way to
reclaim their title, or the return of one of the old powerhouses in international
football, Spaam. Vilita was of course the favourites, but they looked tired,
whereas Spaam looked dangerous, and had the current best goal keeper in
the world, Jelbert, on their side. The match started with a rush from the
Waffles, but Vilita wasn't going to make it easy, and started controlling the
ball, preventing Spaam from getting much on it.

The tactic paid off in the 14th minute, with Lianta "Plenty" O'Toole scoring for
the Vilitans, and putting Spaam on the back foot. This gave the Waffles
something to fight over, and the ball was contested heavily. O'Toole had the
ball again near the Spaamanian goal, but midfielder Roskelly stole it from
them, and sent a long kick straight to Waffles' top scorer Mylor Goss. It took
some incredible footwork, but Goss went solo to the goal and beat the keeper
to equalise the match. 29th minute: Vilita and Spaam one all. Both teams
tried to gain the upper hand before the break, but it was a tied match going
into the second half.

The match resumed as it had before, with some gritty fighting on both sides,
but the Vilitans looked like they were tiring, whereas Spaam had plenty of
energy from its players. Vilita continued to make some chances, but Jelbert
was way too good, denying every one of them. The Spaamanian captain
Ivey sent her team ahead in the 58th minute, with some nice support from
Roskelly again, the goal going past the fingertips off the Vilitan keeper. Vilita
now needed to score twice to make it to the finals, but the energy didn't
seem to be there. Ivey got a double for her team in the 87th, putting the
game out of reach.

With a 3 goals to one win, Spaam had given themselves a chance at glory.
Though it looked like they would play fellow Heartlanders Liverpool England in
the Round of 16, every now knew that anything could happen. Gee was
ecstatic after the match, and had this to say: "We now know what we can
do. This is our benchmark, and we will reach the heights that we once had
again. Whether this cup or the next, we have done what we have set out to
achieve, and more. Though we will continue to fight, we can be proud."

Vilita 1:3 Spaam
(1 O'Toole 14) (17 Goss 29; 1 Ivey 58, 87)

Statistics

Group H

Pos Team P W D L GF GA GD Pts G%
1 Oliverry 3 2 0 1 8 5 3 6 62
2 Spaam 3 2 0 1 7 7 0 6 50
3 Fmjphoenix 3 1 0 2 9 8 1 3 53
4 Vilita 3 1 0 2 4 8 -4 3 33

Fmjphoenix 6:2 Spaam
Oliverry 4:1 Vilita

Vilita 2:1 Fmjphoenix
Spaam 2:0 Oliverry

Fmjphoenix 2:4 Oliverry
Vilita 1:3 Spaam

Goal Scorers
No Name G P
17 Mylor Goss 3 3
1 Ewa Ivey 3 3
4 Crewenna Roskelly 1 3

Goal Keepers
No Name G P
12 Morwetha Jelbert 1 2
5 Grada Paynter 6 1

History
1 Fmjphoenix 6:2 Spaam L
2 Spaam 2:0 Oliverry W
3 Vilita 1:3 Spaam W

Audioslavia

01-04-2006, 15:04

http://www.geocities.com/lifeobrien/bull.txt
Oh its a long way to Insanicia, Its a long way to fly...

Two score draws in group B kept everyone as they were in the table, meaning that Audioslavia finish top of the group, with Spruitland in second and TnUI out and on their way back home.

The match started, as 'Slave - TnUI matches usually do, at a hell of a pace, with both sides squandering good opportunities in the opening quarter of an hour. Arturo Vitalis hit a shot over the bar at one end whilst TnUI's number nine diverted a cross onto the crossbar with a looping header and a midfielder brought a good save out of Gunnar Yngve with a long range effort.

The game, as we expected, was also a physical one, with both sides battling for supremacy in the middle of the park and accumulating a number of yellow cards in the process. Cal Baxter's yellow for a rash challenge on the TnUI winger will also mean that he will miss the second round game.

While the two mortal enemies were battling it out in Cheltenam Park, Chicanada were making the table look a little topsy turvy by taking the lead against a Spruitland side who needed simply to equal or better TnUI's result to qualify. Caris Grandhaus was the man who did it after eighteen minutes, directing a low cross into the corner of the net with a sweep of his left foot.

Audioslavia went into the half-time break still level with the Insanicians, but at this point in the tie they were both set to go through, with TnUI holding a tiny advantage over the rest, just one point ahead of both sides if the two games were to finish as they were.

The second half started out much like the first, but this time TnUI took the initiative and before long they were one-nil ahead. The number nine went on a jinking run into the box from the right hand side and was upended by Hjalmar Petaja. The TnUI striker duly picked himself up, dusted himself down, and struck the ball hard straight down the middle, eluding a sprawling Gunnar Yngve for 1-0.

At this fifty-five minute mark, the group looked like this:

Group B after 55 minutes

Audioslavia 0-1 Total 'n Utter Insanity
Chicanada 1-0 Spruitland

P W D L F A GD Pts
1: Audioslavia 3 2 0 1 6 4 +2 6
2: TnUI 3 2 0 1 5 4 +1 6
3: Spruitland 3 1 0 2 6 6 +0 3
4: Chicanada 2 1 0 2 2 4 -2 3

It was still all to play for with just 35 minutes left on the clock. If the Audioslavia - Total 'n Utter Insanity match ended as it did, both sides would still be sure of qualification as long as Spruitland didn't take the lead in their match. If Spruitland were to get two goals back, it would be them going through on goal difference over TnUI. If Spruitland were to win their game by more, and TnUI were to nick themselves another goal, then it would be Audioslavia going out on goal difference. Thats not to say that Chicanada were out of it of course. If they were to extend their lead to three-nil and Audioslavia were to come back, then it would be them going through on goal difference over the other two.

Audioslavia however, didn't give a toss about the table. The claret and green were losing to TnUI for the second time in two World Cups, and they didn't like it. Last time out, the 'slaves succumbed to a sickening 4-1 defeat to Total 'n Utter Insanity which knocked the 'slaves out the competition in the first round. Shades of that bitter memory crossed the minds of many an Audioslavian as TnUI twice looked like extending the lead, only to be denied by some last ditch defending and a good save by Yngve, before the 'slaves countered and, to the relief of the nation, equalised.

Again it was Fiori burning down the wing that produced it, this time beating the full back and getting to the by-line before stopping and picking his pass, which was a low ball to the edge of the area where Jackie Burns was waiting to drive the ball home under the dive of the goalkeeper for 1-1.

In a strange sort of way it didn't affect the group standings too much. Audioslavia and TnUI were still on their way to the second round ahead of Spruitland who, despite being all over the Chicanada side, were still a goal behind.

As the games moved into their seventy-fifth minutes the 'slaves started getting the upper hand against their auld foes, pushing TnUI back into their own half and creating a few good opportunities, one of them for Arturo Vitalis who squeezed a shot past the post, another for Seb Fiori who directed a bullet header towards goal only to be denied by a good save from the TnUI goalkeeper.

Spurred on by the thousands of 'slavian fans in attendance, the 'slaves kept pushing and got themselves a penalty of their own after Nikki Polsson was upended right on the corner of the area. Vitalis stepped up to put Audioslavia 2-1 ahead, but his shot was poor and too close to the goalkeeper who blocked the ball with his chest and gathered up the rebound ahead of Polsson who was storming in.

The Insanician fans were starting to make their voices heard as the games entered their closing stages, audibly taunting the 'slavians for their inability to put the game away. That all changed however, when news filtered in from the Spruitland - Chicanada game. After ages of pressure, Spruitland had finally got themselves the equaliser, and the goal that put Spruitland formatively in the last sixteen. The mood among the TnUI fans changed, and instead of berating the 'slavians, they needed to encourage their own players to get a goal.

TnUI battled their way back into the game, but time and time again found themselves losing posession and having to track back as the 'slaves mounted counter-attack after counter-attack. Fiori put the ball past the far hand post after a run took him to the edge of the area, whilst Vitalis again missed a glorious opportunity in the eighty-eighth minute, heading over the bar from a corner.

The big screen at the Cheltenam Lane stadium was now running footage of the Spruitland game, beamed live from the Malrjwofjstadion (or whatever its called). It was there that everyone in the stadium saw that game end around a minute before the Audioslavia - TnUI match ended. Scenes of players in lime-green congratulating each other and walking towards the end of their pitch where there own screen was were seen by everyone in the stadium, creating a weird feedback loop where one set of supporters were seeing another set of supporters watching them, watching them.

It was Total 'n Utter Insanity's turn to attack now as they desperately looked for the winner to take them through to the second round, but could only find an eleven-man defence in their way. With five seconds left the TnUI team got themselves a corner, and brought all eleven men into the penalty area. All eyes in both stadiums were set upon the twenty-two players occupying Audioslavia's area in Cheltenam Lane as Total 'n Utter Insanity's full back whipped over a corner. A hundred thousand mouths gasped as Petaja missed the header and the ball fell to TnUI's substitute Ulrich Von Bitchburger. Bitchburger controlled it on his chest and lashed his shot towards goal from just ten yards. Yngve got a hand to it, but could only turn the ball onto the underside of the bar. The ball bounced off the knee of Torsten Rijkaard, who was standing against the post, and rebounded a ccros the face of the goal and, seemingly, in, before a hand palmed the ball out towards Alanila, who hoofed the ball upfield at the final whistle.

As Audioslavians and Spruitlandians celebrated, the Insanicians surrounded the referee, screaming at him about a handball, and how the ball was over the line anyway, but the refere was having none of it. TV replays proved inconclusive, as most of the cameras were pointed towards the weird feedback loop effect on the main screen. TnUI had been robbed, and the 'slaves and the Wabbits were laughing. Har!

FINAL SCORE
Audioslavia 1 (Baxter 66)
Total 'n Utter Insanity 1 (Player 55)

FINAL GROUP B STANDINGS:
P W D L F A GD Pts
1: Audioslavia 3 2 1 0 7 4 +3 7
2: Spruitland 3 1 1 1 7 6 +1 4
3: TnUI 3 1 1 1 5 5 +0 4
4: Chicanada 3 0 0 2 2 5 -3 1

Chicanada

01-04-2006, 20:13

Chicanada Daily Rabbler
Home to Kodiak and Snow Leopard News

Barely Survival
0-1-2 Just Enough To Keep The Team Alive On The World Stage

Eastentown - The CFA finally backs down the day the Kodiaks score their second ever group point in Finals play.

How convienent.

After a rather loss-filled Group Stage, the Kodiaks were able to celebrate a tie against Spruitland 1-all while celebrating the CFA decision to relinquish the Communique plan, thanks in a large part to the MSDP-dominated threat to force out the CFA Board of Directors.

Over the course of the Finals, the Colonial Assembly in Cana met to discuss the decision by the Supreme Council that the Do-Or-Die Communique passed in the last days of the Union-Libs government was fair and techincally legal. However, as Council Chairperson Sandra Oani said in the official statement, there was indeed precedence for Communiques to be reversed with a simple majority vote to suspend the Communique. That passed handidly last week 390-110, with the conservatives and social dems making up the majority vote while the Leftist Bloc (Union Libs and New Labour) voting against it.

That put some pressure on CFA Presidum Flioan Quoshen, who until yesterday still threatened to enact the Communique. However, the MSDP and New Labour agreed on legislation that would call on the complete reorganization of the CFA, which would not only lead to the 1935 season being suspended but also force the entire CFA Board out of office. Faced with the prospects of removal, Quoshen quickly recanted and agreed to allow Malli, who scored a nice bonus with his extension as coach, to continue competition.

As for the game itself, the Kodiaks are satisified with one point yet again, and see their game slowly rising back towards their levels post-WC 22. Of course, this could also result in a seven game loss streak, so hopes are that the team does not have a new collapse.

Kodiak National Side Schedule
MD01: W 1-0 v Pedriana (@ Moutainside Fairgrounds, Castille)
MD02: W 1-0 @ Ocmeoub
MD03: L 1-0 @ Commerce Heights
MD04: off day - plans for training in Kinsington
MD05: L 1-0 v Kelse (@ New Governess Palace, Kinsington)
MD06: W 2-0 @ Berner Street
MD07: L 2-1 @ Audioslavia
MD08: W 3-0 v Nedalia (@ Depot Centre, Cana)
MD09: T 1-1 v Arrida (@ Heartland Stadium, Goedi)
MD10: W 1-0 @ Pedriana
MD11: W 5-2 v Ocmeoub (@ BFC Pavillion, Bishop County)
MD12: L 3-1 v Commerce Heights (@ Island Clan Stadia, Palace Heights)
MD13: T 2-2 v Yafor 2 (exibition game @ Steelgrounds, Atens)
MD14: L 3-2 @ Kelse
MD15: W 2-0 v Berner Street (@ Coastal Stadium, New Glasgow)
MD16: L 3-1 v Audioslavia (@ Southampton National Square)
MD17: T 3-3 @ Nedalia
MD18: L 3-1 @ Arrida

MD19: W 2-1 [OT] v Majeristan (Lupe Grounds, Ariot, Fmjphoenix)

MD20: L 3-0 v Total n Utter Insanity (Metrewalkstadion, Metrewalk, Bedistan)
MD21: L 2-1 v Audioslavia (Cheltenham Lane, New Haverford, Bedistan)
MD22: T 1-1 v Spruitland (Metrewalkstadion, Metrewalk, Bedistan)

In other news, Chicanada FA (before the threat of dismantlement) met to discuss plans to host a Womens World Cup competition, based on the success Womens Football is having at the Ylompics. Expectations are that the tournament would be held after the Ylompics with sign ups commencing the day the Games end. While some nations would obviously not send teams thanks to intergration of the genders onto the national team (as is even the case in Chicanada), most of the FA agree that it would be wise to help promote the womens game internationally and that having a seperate tourney for womens national sides would lead to greater participation and possibly more intergration by all the national sides.

Expect more news and information as the plans progress.

Wentland

01-04-2006, 21:39

Edgar Bluff took the telephone in grimly satisfied fashion. "Yes, I did see the Spaam game...uh-huhh...yes, yes...it does show how far we have come...how unlucky though can we be? In a qualifying group with 3 of the top 16 teams in the world...they need to look at the seeding...you have to wonder how some of these teams got through..."

Spaam

01-04-2006, 23:45

USFA president Erc Ellery took the phone after the Waffles win over Vilita. "Yes... yes... thankyou... I am very proud of our team, it shows how far we've come. And thankyou, hosting the Cup of Harmony is a great honour for our nation, especially hosting is solo. I agree totally, I think Morwetha [Jelbert] is probably the best keeper in the world at the moment. No... no... I didn't hear what the Wentland representative said. Mr Bluff, yes. He said what!? Now listen here, I think he's forgetting that we are not merely another mid-ranked team. We are Spaam, one of the oldest footballing nations in the world. We have reached the finals twice, won third once, we were third in the world for a decade! Sure, we've had a low spot, but we've shown that we can come back from it. He needs to stop complaining because we did better than him. I mean, they was only ranked eight spots ahead of us before qualifying, and they were silly enough to use attack when defense was the intelligent option. See where it got us? No... no... what are you saying? Absolutely not! I can categorically say that the Spaaming machine is not back! It was destroyed over half a century ago. Our success has nothing to do with it. I will not stand for these allegations! Good day."

Meanwhile... deep in the bowels of some caves near Arcis...

"No sir! We canna make it go any faster! If we do, it could blow up! Please, we beg of you..."

Wentland

02-04-2006, 21:08

"What? No, I have not heard what he said...he was talking about what I said? How did he hear that????...Hang on, how did you hear what he said??...mmm...I see...yeah, that makes sense..."

Spruitland

02-04-2006, 22:13

A draw was enough

Spruitland – Chicanada: 1 – 1

Fourth time’s a charm, is not how the saying goes at all, but who gives a damn, the Wabbits finally made it into the Second Round of a World Cup. It was a close call though, and it took more effort than expected, and a bit of help from the ‘slaves. That help turned out to be needed, because the Wabbits only managed a draw against last-placed Chicanada, but luckily it didn’t matter. Audioslavia kept the Insanicians to a draw as well, putting Spruitland through on account of a better goal difference.

“Let’s not give the ‘slaves all the credit,” Spruitland coach Cor Bensen reminds us. “Sure, that result helped us, and we’re grateful for that. But we really earned our second place in our match against the Insanicians. That comprehensive 4-1 win turned out to be crucial. One goal less in that match, and we’d be going home again.”

But not quite yet. Spruitland’s 4 points in the Group Stage are enough for one more match in World Cup 27. Or, at least one more match, would be a more accurate statement, but let’s face it, with defending champions Bedistan as the next opponents, it’s really a bit of a moot point. Though not according to star striker Dirk Jools.

“We haven’t lost yet,” Jools says. “Sure, so the bookies don’t like us. Big deal. I’ll be putting a few grand on us. If you’re smart, you’ll do the same. Defending World Champs always screw the pooch, might as well be against us.”

Sarzonia

02-04-2006, 22:59

Brenda Campbell spent her days as a Member of the Federal Trade and Commerce Committee pored over business deals, debating mergers and rate hikes and all sorts of various and sundry matters that she'd been appointed by President Mike Sarzo to deal with. Her living came from negotiating business and it was something she was very good at.

However, it wasn't her life's passion. That was demonstrated with every World Cup goal, shot, or save recorded by the national team. She had spent 10 years playing for the Woodstock Justice in the Sarzonian Football League, the women's professional football circuit in Sarzonia. She also spent four years as an assistant, and later a head coach of the Justice. Her retirement was meant to be the beginning of a new phase of her life away from the game, but she found herself aching for the roar of the crowd and the rush of adrenaline that came from being a part of that world.

The news that Chicanada was considering establishing a Women's World Cup appealed to Campbell. The thing that surprised her, however, was shortly after the announcement, she got a call from Dave Wilson. She hadn't spoken to him since his retirement was abruptly halted by a move to coach Hypocria.

"Dave! I haven't heard from you in forever! How are you you old dog?"

What Campbell heard next after small talk saw her sit bolt upright in her chair. She was being offered the job as the national team coach of the Sarzonian national women's football team. To do that, she realised she'd have to leave the FCTC behind, but she also knew one thing. It was her ticket back to a world she was aching to return to. However, she'd have to go from a comfortable life with her aging but still fabulous Pacitalian luxury car to an Estrella Motor Cars economy model. But she'd be back to doing what she loved best.

"When can I start?"

"Whenever you're ready Bren." And so began the odyssey.

Fmjphoenix

03-04-2006, 05:02

A-D Second Round score have been TGed. Matchday 3 tables to be posted shortly.

Audioslavia

03-04-2006, 10:12

The Random Bedistani left the elevator. Jeremy let out a relieved sigh. Was there a clause in the contracts of the journalists of the Bedistani media which meant they all had to smell like a mixture of tuna and stale cheese? Well, at least their stadiums were well built. What other nation would put an elevator in the corner of a football stadium? Back in Audioslavia you simply ushered in all the 'media types' through an unmarked door and chucked them out again when the match ended. Jeremy gave his home country a whimsical sigh, before leaning back against the side of the lift. Nah, Audioslavia was a shit-hole. It was a shit-hole full of wankers, drunks and morons. And not just morons, Audioslavia was home to The Morons.

By day, The Morons are unidentifiable. They tuck themselves away in their steady nine-to-five jobs without harming a soul. Of course, they can be found if you know where to look, or know where and when to mention football or cheap imported cigarettes, but other than that if you were to meet a member of The Morons on a week-day in the sun of such a summers day as this, you would most probably like their company, or at least find them boring yet harmless. By day, The Morons are normal. By night, The Morons are the scumbag children of hell. Their domains are the pubs and clubs of all seven circles of the Audioslavian inner city. It is here that they roam, identifying one another by the glint of their golden jewelry against the dusky glow of streetlamps. Yards upon yards of stylishly bleached jeans strobe against the headlights of speeding cars which carry load after load of like-mindless Morons on their merry way to merriment and all points downwards. Their shirts are as white as the mane of a kelpie, but their souls are as pure as the sheets of a whore, and if their trainers are scuffed by a thoughtless passer-by, the only survivors of the resulting bottle-throwing jamboree are likely to be cockroaches and heavily varnished woodworm. Jeremy had surmised that, somewhere along the line, a scientist had been paid by The Morons to develop some kind of alcohol sensor, that could be clipped onto the waists of any Moron on their night out, and after most of the clubs had closed, the sensor would then come into action, picking out the nearest pub that was serving alcohol all night. For a while, Donal thought that the Morons followed the sensor. Now he believed the opposite was true, that it was the sensor leading the moron, dragging him by the waist to the next pub. It would certainly explain the stupefying staccato stagger the Moron makes on his way to the bar; hips swaying, gleaming in the light of the gambling machine, the crotch feeling its way towards either the hallowed watering hole of the God of Alcohol, or the altogether different hallowed hole of the Celtic Goddess ‘Abi O’Totty’. One to give the Moron his fluids, the other to, if he played his cards right, tell him to fuck off.

The lift stopped at the next floor. The doors opened. Nothing happened. Nothing continued to happen for a few more seconds, and then the doors closed. Jeremy got back to thinking of The Morons again. God they were bastards. "Bastards" he repeated to himself. "Complete bastards".
"Thats rich coming from you" replied a voice from just to his right. The doors had swung open again, revealing that Frankie Goes to Hollywood's 'Two Tribes' was playing over the stadium's tannoy, and more importantly, that another man had come in. "Seeing as you've got a somewhat tumultuous relationship with a bastard yourself" continued the man. Jeremy turned round to face the figure.
"Rami Niblick. Pleased to meet you". Jeremy gave the man an open-mouthed stare. "...well" he continued "i say 'pleased', i actually mean 'horrified' but there you go. I'd actually counted on never meeting you ever".
"You....". Jeremy wanted to speak but found himself, for the first time in roughly 150 years, stuck for words.
"Me, aye. You're looking at Rami Niblick, sports editor of the THSD News, sports reporter of the year 2093 and...." he paused, offering Jeremy a smug look which he immediately balked at "Pun-Writer of the year 2094".
"Bastard!"
"Yes, yes i believe you've already said that"
"You were lucky"
"I was better"
"Bastard!"

Starblaydia

03-04-2006, 11:33

Baby, It's Cold Outside
Raphaelo ejects Hockey Canada

Another World Cup, another Second Round appearance. What has become the traditional stumbling-block for Starblaydia proved to be no more than a slightly dodgy camber in the road. We blame Spruitlander road engineers, to be honest, loose cobbles strewn everywhere never helps you.

Starblaydia turned out to be more than a roadblock to Hockey Canada, more like an armoured checkpoint. This was Starblaydia's twelfth clean sheet in twenty matches over this World Cup Campaign, showing that despite all the outward attacking intentions this team offers, the heart of it is a solid and miserly defence. It's obviously not Starblaydia's greatest defensive unit ever, but somehow this group of players is forging a bond at international level not quite seen before.

Were it not for Menecrates' presence, then Jaime Oberlander would surely be the captain of this team. The thirty year-old centre back is, don't forget, a World Cup Winner from eight years ago, and a formidable presence to boot. Alongside him in the heart of defence is 'The Bull' himself, Antonis Kouvas. As always the five-six partnership of Starblaydia's team is consisting of a wily, talkative sweeper and a massive, hulking stopper: the perfect combination, as demonstrated in the last twenty matches.

The full-backs are a tale of contrast. One is a cool, calm, organised player in the form of Markko Rakkinen. The other is an uncontrolled whirling dervish of teeth, studs and referee's cards: Francisco 'The Terrible' Ibanez. That's two nicknames already, so we must be a good team. Sitting in front of those four is, of course, Georges Blanc. Now that he's playing for Starblaydia in the country where he plays his club football, Georges seems to be completely at home. His usefulness as a one-man demolition derby when the opposition has the ball cannot be measured, while his ability as a playmaker is a force to be reckoned with.

Behind those five players stands Nicholas Mathias, often not getting to do much thanks to the efforts of those in front of him. It is a testament to his powers of concentration that he pulls off save after save when finally called upon to do so. Defence doesn't start at the back, as every coach knows. Right through this team there are players willing to put their bodies in the line of fire and do what it takes to keep Starblaydia's sheet clean.

Striking a balance between 'takil' and 'karela' is every coach's dream. Starblaydia may just about have found that as they progress to the last-eight in the World Cup.

Final score from Stadium X:
Hockey Canada 0 - 2 Starblaydia
(None) - (Raphaelo 36 & 49)

Audioslavia

03-04-2006, 11:36

Jeremy Jaffacake and Rami Niblick made their way down to the press box together. They didn't, of course, want to go together, but by an annoying twist of fate, they were due to sit next to each other. Neither knew why, until it was revealed that in Bedistani language the two reporter' nations are next to each other in the alphabet. Krytenia is spelt 'Crytenia' and Audioslavia is spelt with 'Cunts'. Bastards.
The two reluctant acquaintances sat down next to each other.
"So" started Rami. "Hows the kid?". Jeremy grimaced.
"Doing quite well, as it turns out". Jeremy's kid had been revealed to him a few years ago by a certain Rami Niblick, and had been revealed to be a certain Jerome Jaffacake-Phillips, star striker of the Krytenian football team. There had been an incident, around twenty years ago, involving Jeremy and a Krytenian journalist by the name of Phillips. Jeremy had wanted to forget it, especially after the 'biting' incident that had occured that night, but found that, with this Jerome JP on the scene, it was impossible. There was no doubting he was the father, or 'guilty culprit' as some people had said. There was a striking resemblance between the two Jaffacakes, so it couldn't simply be a hoax, even if it was all a bit weird.

The match had been going on for forty minutes now, and Jeremy wasn't happy. The Audioslavian defence wasn't coping too well with the threat from the Krytenian wide men Cooper and Pedroso, and there had been a few decent shots come in from the strikers Gabe Kennedy and a certain Jerome Jaffacake-Phillips. It was JP who had had probably the best opportunity, jinking past Rijkaard and Petaja on the left before curling a shot round Yngve, only to see the ball glance off the outside of the post. Jeremy wasn't happy with the Audioslavian team, but he was even less happy with the fact that, someone deep inside, just next to the place he kept his award winning puns, or rather his runner-up puns (he snatched a hated look at Rami), he felt a pang of pride for his son.
The 'slaves hadn't had any decent chances themselves, with Art Vitalis being marked out of the game pretty well. It wasn't looking good, and to cap it all off, Rami Niblick was being annoying.
"Look on the bright side" he had said. "Audioslavia would be ahead, if only Krytenia hadn't turned up. You can still hold onto that."
"The world would be a better place if it wasn't for Krytenians" Jeremy had replied.
"Your players would be naked if it wasn't for Krytenians" Rami had retorted. He had a point, Audioslavia's football kits were made by Krytenian company JMC.
"Although" he had continued "you do tend to play like an Ediraf team."
"What do you mean?" Jeremy replied.
"I mean" Rami had continued, "that you're shit".
The whistle went. The first half had ended at 0-0, and so Jeremy went down to the tunnell to try and snatch a quick interview with 'slavian coach Tarturo Magasara.

---

"Tarturo! Tarturo a quick word!"
"After the game" came a distant voice as Audioslavia's head coach disappeared into the changing room, slamming the door behind him and commencing a beratement of his under-performing players.
"Damn!" Jeremy muttered to himself. The rest of the Audioslavian team had already got to the changing room. No interview for him. Rami was going to take the piss, he knew that. He quickly banged his head against the wall and set about walking back up to the press booth.
"Hi dad" came a voice from behind him. Jeremy ignored it and set off out of the tunnell, before realising where the voice had came from, and what it had said, and spun round to face a man with features eerily similar to his own.
"J... J... Jerome..."
"One and the same" replied JP, revelling in the double meaning. "Long time no see"
"Well" Jeremy relaxed a little "i've never actually met you before, although i believe I once shot a few thousand of your almost-brothers accross your mothers tits once".

---

Jeremy had had his head in his hands for twenty minutes now. He was back in the press box, trying to concentrate on the game, but found that he couldn't. He let out another groan of shame. Of all the things you can say to the son you've never seen before, that was quite possibly the worst, short of... no, not short of anything at all, that is the WORST of the POSSIBLE things you could EVER say. He hadn't been surprised that Jerome looked uncomfortable, and had given him a dirty look, and had disappeared back into the changing room with a simple "i'll call you some time". He looked up. The second half had begun. Krytenia's aces were controlling the midield, with the ball being struck and bandied which way pleased them. Jerome JP was, however, somewhat subdued, making less of the running that he did in the first half. It seemed he had something on his mind.

Five minutes left. Sweaty palms time. Both Jaffacakes had gotten back to the task at hand, with Jerome Jaffacake-Phillips laying off two excellent opportunities for Gabe Kennedy to miss, whilst Jaffacake senior was frantically writing notes about the game in between getting up and shouting advice at the 'slavian team, such as "pass you bastard" and "you wanker!". The usually too-cool-for-school Rami Niblick was acting similarly. Krytenia had been the better team, and had made the most chances, but a combination of Audioslavia's doggedness and pure luck had kept the Aces from scoring and kept the match goalless. Audioslavia's forays into the oppositions penalty area had been limited to a few pot shots by Vitalis that hadn't threatened James Barcali in the Krytenia goal. Time was running out, and Krytenia were making the final push. Iagas to Blanix, Blanix to Krige, Krige past Mussorgsky, beats Vaiamoinen for pace, chipped over for JAFFACAKE-PHILLIPS!...
...SHIT! 1-0 Krytenia.... no... wait. Jeremy peered over at the linesman on the near-side. He had his flag up, oh thank christ! JJP was offside as Blanix flicked it over. Jeremy however, hadn't seen it. Bad call? Who cared, it was still 0-0. If it stayed like that til full time it'd be a miracle. Hey up...

Audioslavia were attacking. Five or six Krytenians had gone to celebrate with JJP who had wheeled off away to the left with his arms in the air after the 'goal', but after the offside decision, Audioslavia had taken a quick free-kick and had charged up the field. It was five against three in the Krytenian defence, with Audioslavia's midfield pressing. Kabaofo Alanila and Nikki Polsson exchanged a one-two, Alanila set the ball through for Vitalis, Vitalis was in on goal here, it was Vitalis...

Fantastic save. Sprawling to his left, Barcali had got his fingertips to the ball and had sent it wide for a corner. Krytenia had the chance to drop back and defend what would surely be the last chance of the game. Polsson went over to take it. Jeremy turned to Rami.
"Last chance for glory" he said.
"You wont score. If an Audioslavian scores a goal in this match, then i'm a monkey's labia".
"Ferme la bouche" replied Jeremy. Rami gave him a blank look.

Polsson's corner. Jeremy and Rami stopped their bickering and watched the ball sail accross the penalty area, hanging in the air above a crowd of shirts decorated in claret, green and two shades of blue. The ball started its descent towards a crowd of players. Vitalis was there, Mussorgsky was there, Aspell had already started his jump, but the ball eluded him, glancing off the back of his head in a movement which took it just out the reach of Messrs Mussorgsky and Vitalis, but into the path of Sebastian Fiori, who was steaming in from the other side. Fiori leapt into the air and powered a header accross the face of the goal. Barcali was scrambling over to get it, but never looked like making it. All he could manage was to keep moving over to that side. The ball wasn't on target, and if luck went the goalie's way, it would hurtle out of play beside the post. The ball skidded on the floor three feet in front of the line, but its trajectory was taking it past the post. Kabaofo Alanila was scrambling for it to try and deflect the ball in, but he wasn't going to reach it. If anyone was going to reach it, it would be Jeremone Jaffacake-Phillips, who was getting ready to sweep the ball away.

Milliseconds passed.

Rami stood up and screamed.

Jeremy stood up and screamed.

More milliseconds passed.

Jeremy carried on screaming, only now he was accompanying the shouts with various jumps and multiple shakes of his fist in the air, watching the Audioslavian players jump on each other and the scoreboard change to 'Crytenia 0, Cunts 1'. He turned to Rami, mid jump.
"You're a monkey's labia! You're a monkeys labia! La laaa! La laaaaaaa!".
Rami sat down and put his head in his hands. Out of the corner of his eye, through the gaps in his fingers, he saw the video scoreboard replay the goal using the famed 'in the net' camera. Fiori had headed the ball, Alanila had slid in and missed it, Jaffacake-Phillips had slid in to hook the ball way, he'd lost his balance, hit the ball with the outside of his foot, and swept the ball inadvertently into the roof of his own net. 1-0. The 'slaves were going through to the quarter finals. Rami spat on the floor, disgusted, before turning to Jaffacake, who had sat down but had kept the grin pinned to his face.
"I am not" he started, "a monkey's labia. I said it needed to be an Audioslavian who scored the goal.
"Aye!" shouted Jeremy, looking back over at his foe. "and that man theres a half-slav!". Rami sighed and put his head back in his hands. "So which lip do you want to be? Left or right?". Jeremy grinned, and turned back to the field. He punched the air again.
"Thats my boy!"

Jeruselem

03-04-2006, 13:05

Jeruselem Government News

2nd round blues for Canucks and Crusaders

Oh joy. 2nd round for Hockey Canada and Jeruselem after making it past the group stage except both crashed out.

New Montreal States defeated Jeruselem on penalties after being tied 1 ALL in overtime. Yes, this is closest Jeruselem has been to making the quarter finals after losing two previous 2nd round game in regular time. Losing in penalties in possibly the worst way to lose a game, and Jeruselem have never been terribly good at winning in overtime or penalties.

This is no bad reflection on the coach. Guus had coached a World Cup team to two consectutive 2nd round appearance in the World Cup, only to be stopped by Liverpool England and the Paladins. World Cup 24 was a relevation, but with 26 and 27 we got close.

Hockey Canada defense failed them. Starblaydia star Raphaelo defeated the Karelan defenses of Hockey Canada twice to knock them out of this world cup. The Canucks who made the semi-finals last time will not be there.

All in all, 2nd round disasters for both teams. However, it's not all bad. Both teams should still be top 20 teams and next World Cup, will be attempting to break into finals again. The Paladins should get huge boost to ranking now too.

New Montreal States

03-04-2006, 18:06

“You’d better have a damn good reason for why your report didn’t go out in yesterday’s paper. Or this morning’s, for that matter.”

The head editor was having a chat with the reporting staff he had sent to Bedistan, who had failed to file anything for the final match except an expense report reading: “Bail: $250.”

“And why, for that matter, am I paying to bail you out?”

Silence in the office. You could watch the editor slowly getting madder and madder as the reporters continued their explanation.

“Okay. You expect me to believe that you were in a bar, having a drink, when the guy next to you started talk about football. You got into a conversation in which you mentioned that your grandfather covered the NMS-Bedistan game in which Columbia burned to the ground. Then a fight broke out, since that dude’s father was completely dispossessed as a result of the riots, in which he fell over unconscious after one good punch since he was bombed halfway to the Stone Age. The cops came and booked you over this, and you’ve been in jail since then.”

Pause.

“The score? 2-1. Labranche picked one up in the first half, and ASMV grabbed an equalizer before the half. Toussaint scored in the 66th and the Paladins made it hold for the rest of the match.”

Brief jubilation on the other end of the line.

“No, I’m not going to pick up the bar tab, but I’ll handle the bail. This is only the second screwup we’ve had in four world cups, and I’ll make sure you’re on a flight to wherever for the round of 16.”

Pause, again.

“Yes, I know it would have been impolite to refuse the local specialty of Spruitland when you went there back in WC24. Did I say anything about that?”

Relieved thanks and farewell from the other end.

“Yeah.”

Grumbling, the editor hung up the phone, and began slapping together a half-assed article that anyone who had watched the match on T.V. would recognize as a summary of the match coverage.

[OOC: Sorry, I was in Washington Friday, Saturday and Sunday, and just now found the time to do an RP.]

Bedistan

03-04-2006, 20:56

Second round matches played in Bedistan have been telegrammed. Apologies for being a day late on that; sometimes homework has to take precedence. :(

Also, regarding venues for matches in Bedistan:

Second round
21. Bedistan v Spruitland - Fillmore National Stadium (http://www.prism.gatech.edu/~gth681k/wc27/FillmoreNational.jpg)
22. Krytenia v Audioslavia - Metrewalkstadion (http://www.prism.gatech.edu/~gth681k/wc27/Metrewalkstadion.jpg)
23. New Montreal States v Jeruselem - Porcupine Palace (http://www.prism.gatech.edu/~gth681k/wc27/PorcupinePalace.jpg)
24. Hockey Canada v Starblaydia - Stadium X (http://www.prism.gatech.edu/~gth681k/wc27/StadiumX.jpg)

Quarterfinals
31. Bedistan v Audioslavia - Fillmore National Stadium (http://www.prism.gatech.edu/~gth681k/wc27/FillmoreNational.jpg)
32. New Montreal States v Starblaydia - Field of Flowers (http://www.prism.gatech.edu/~gth681k/wc27/FieldOfFlowers.jpg)

Semifinals
41. Winner of 31 v Winner of 32 - Porcupine Palace (http://www.prism.gatech.edu/~gth681k/wc27/PorcupinePalace.jpg)

Final
51. Winner of 41 v Winner of Fmjphoenix Semifinal - Fillmore National Stadium (http://www.prism.gatech.edu/~gth681k/wc27/FillmoreNational.jpg)

Bedistan

03-04-2006, 21:37

http://bellsouthpwp.net/h/a/harleyt_1387/bsd_banner.png

Already?

Can you believe the second round of World Cup 27 is already over and done? Yes, we Bedistanis have gotten so caught up in the excitement of the Cup that it's just zipping on by. And the fact that we've just gone through yet another press strike doesn't help. I'm pretty sure there are more press strikes in Bedistan than in any other nation in Atlantian Oceania, if not the whole world.

One word that can be used to describe Bedistan's World Cup 27 squad is "inexperienced". Alas, not a single one of the players from the admittedly-aging World Cup 26-winning squad was called up this time by manager Kenter Surf, so the team now consists entirely of players with no previous senior-level international experience - heck, many of them haven't even played for the under-21s! Thus it can be argued that they've really come up to speed quickly with their 2-1-0 run in the group stage, including an emphatic win over an always-dangerous Archregimancy and a solid draw with neighbors Krytenia, sending them through to the second round to face Spruitland, who I don't think we've ever faced before (don't quote me on that, though).

As expected, though, the Spruits didn't stand a chance. Goals by Leonard Hollins and Tanner Diamond either side of halftime gave the Lions a 2-0 lead that they wouldn't let go of, and they'll be moving on to the quarterfinals for...how many times is that now? Hell, we've lost count. What's important here, though, is that we face one of our lifelong rivals - the one, the only...Audioslavia. Don't worry, though, security won't be quite as tight as it would for a match against New Montreal States, where patrons would be randomly selected for full body cavity searches (though be warned that this is a possibility in the semifinals should we win this match). And of course, a big match like this could only be held at the biggest stadium in Bedistan, the one and only Fillmore National in Sonoma City. We'll see you there.

finalscore
Bedistan 2 (Hollins 41, Diamond 57)
Spruitland 0

New Montreal States

04-04-2006, 00:24

PALADINS SHOOT PAST CRUSADERS

1-1 draw goes 2-1 on penalties; Paladins to face Men in Mauve

ALEXANDRIA, BEDISTAN - The Paladins had faced off twice against the Crusaders during qualifiers, with the results not being all that promising - a loss at the Dome and a draw on the road. But NMS seemed to put all that behind them as they picked up a win on penalty kicks.

All the regulation scoring took place in the first half, with Shrub knocking one in for the Crusaders early on and Pilon evening it out twelve minutes later. Both sides battled, ineffectively for the most part early on, but with Jeruselem garnering some momentum towards the second half and launching a drive that ended with the refs whistling time and the Paladins going to their lockers more relieved than anything else.

Drama aplenty in the second half of play, as both Paladins and Crusaders took turns giving fans of the other side fits - but stellar defense and goaltending on both sides kept the match at 1-all. Paul Chasson in goal of the States looked especially impressive, picking up five saves in the second half, including a beauty of a diving catch in the 83rd minute that had Jeruselem's forwards shocked and awed - and gave momentum to the Paladins heading into their first shootout since WC11.

Jeruselem first, and Shrub's shot is deflected wide right by Chasson. Gilles Villeneuve steps up for the Paladins and launches a beauty right o'er the keeper's head. 1-0 Paladins. Jeruselem's season on the line - but they make it, no problem, and all eyes turn to Hubert Labranche on the other side of the field to send the Paladins off to meet the Purple People Eaters. Labranche sends one into the lower left corner off the post - and the Paladins get to go face Starblaydia again.

Bully.

PALADINS 1 (2-1 on penalties) - Pilon 22
JERUSELEM 1 - Shrub 10

TOURNAMENT SCORING

Villeneuve 10
Labranche 7
Toussaint 5
Pilon 4
Chan 3
Tessier 3
Gordon 2
Miller 2
Faulkner 1
Sgt. Pierce 1
Yates 1

NMS VS. STARBLAYDIA

Three crucial matchups (at least if you're wearing blue and silver) for the quaterfinal match

Menecrates vs. Charles Pilon and Jacques Toussaint

Corralling the world's greatest midfielder will fall to the lynchpins of NMS's 2-6-2 formation. Keeping him from running loose will be key if the Paladins are to advance.

Raphaelo vs. Gilles Villeneuve

One of the greatest forwards in the game in a highlight-reel contest against a pretender not yet out of high school. Although they won't be crossing pathes on the field, whichever one of these two does a better job of spearheading the offense will probably end up on top at the end of the night.

Marc Tessier vs. Marc Tessier

Tempestuous, abeit talented midfielder has come off the bench to surprise all observers with his stellar defensive play and stamina. After a red card against Hockey Canada in the group stage, his ability to control his temper on the field has been in doubt. With Phillip Yates generally sucking it up on the bench, Tessier staying out of trouble is a necessity.

Squornshelous

04-04-2006, 06:55

Pschychoes in the Quarters

Squornshelous squeaks past Casari
It was a close match, and not one of the kind that Squornshelan fans are used to. When Mostafa Ogbadan scored to open the match in the 20th minute, no one suspected it would be that last goal scored. An afternoon of terrible shooting and stellar defense by both sides, an extremely unusual and uncommon occurance for Squornshelous, ensued. In total, four shots rang off of the woodwork, two for each team and several others missed very narrowly. Future Hall of Fame goaltender Jorge Fernandina made 6 great saves on the remainder of the shots by Casari, and Scott William was equally good at the other end, stopping no less than 8 balls.

Squornshelous will now face the winner of the match between Eauz and Rejistania, hardly an enviable task, but the Pschychoes will put in a few extra practices between then and now, as we hope to re-charge our now struggling attack. We'll be sure to need all the chances we can get next round, especially if we face the Orange-Blues.

Final Score:
Squornshelous 1-0 Casari

Audioslavia

04-04-2006, 11:22

http://www.geocities.com/lifeobrien/bull.txt
Exit Kryt, Enter shite, Take my hand, We're off to slaughter Bedistan
(bow wa na na naaa, bow wa na na naaa, bow wa na na naa, nurr kerchunka chunka ker nung)

Well, it wouldn't be a World Cup without Bedistan and Audioslavia battling it out for the honour of which nation can get knocked out at the most respectable stage in the tournament, would it?

Audioslavia Bedistan
Did not enter - World Cup 01 - Did not enter
Did not enter - World Cup 02 - Did not enter
Did not enter - World Cup 03 - Did not enter
Second round - World Cup 04 - Did not enter
Did not qualify - World Cup 05 - Group stage
Group stage - World Cup 06 - Group stage
Second round - World Cup 07 - 4th place
Group stage - World Cup 08 - 2nd place
Group stage - World Cup 09 - 4th place
Second round - World Cup 10 - Second round
Second round - World Cup 11 - Did not qualify
2nd place - World Cup 12 - Group stage
Second round - World Cup 13 - 3rd place
Second round - World Cup 14 - Group stage
First round - World Cup 15 - Quarterfinals
Second round - World Cup 16 - 2nd place
Second round - World Cup 17 - Second round
Quarterfinals - World Cup 18 - Second round
2nd place - World Cup 19 - Second round
2nd place - World Cup 20 - Quarterfinals
Quarterfinals - World Cup 21 - 1st place
Group stage - World Cup 22 - 3rd place
Group stage - World Cup 23 - 4th place
Second round - World Cup 24 - Quarterfinals
Quarterfinals - World Cup 25 - Second round
Group stage - World Cup 26 - 1st place

Past Meetings

World Cup 13 Qualifiers:
Bedistan 3-1 Audioslavia
Audioslavia 1-0 Bedistan

World Cup 20 Group Stage:
Audioslavia 2-1 Bedistan

World Cup 20 Quarterfinals:
Audioslavia 1-0 Bedistan

Eagles Cup IV Final:
Audioslavia 0-1 Bedistan

Jurassic Invitational Tournament:
Audioslavia 1-2 Bedistan

See?

Audioslavia, in their twenty-third World Cup (their twenty-first as a top-twenty team) have reached the quarter-final stage for only the sixth time, and will need to get past one of their main rivals from the past ninety-two years.

Audioslavia's rivalry with Bedistan is different from their rivalry with other teams. There is no hate-filled war of sarcasm like in matches with Total 'n Utter Insanity, nor is there any embittered one-up manship that outlines a 'slavian match with Squornshelous. Audioslavia versus Bedistan is simply a battle between two classic, professional teams with similar ability, both hoping not only to win the game, but to win the championship afterwards. Unlike the aforementioned rivalries, the winner of an Bulls - Lions match isn't going to be the team thats most brutal in midfield like with a TnUI game, and it isn't usually a high-scoring attacking free-for-all like a Squornshelous matchup. The battles are usually won quite simply by the better team. The team who can defend the most resoloutely, can attack with more aplomb, and has the most flair in midfield.

Likely Line-Ups
Audioslavia
1
Yngve

2 5 16 13
Rijkaard Väinämöinen Petäjä Johansen

4
Mussorgsky

7 11 6 14
Polsson Alanila Baxter Fiori

9
Vitalis

---------------------------------------------------------

10 11
Salas Wilson

9
Hollins

5 6 7 8
Alansa Jackson Law Diamond

3 4 5
Juniënta Crowley Endruweit

1
Issah

Bedistan

The winner of the match will likely face either New Montreal States or Starblaydia in the semi-final. Or, to be more precise, the winner of the match will face Starblaydia to decide which team can make it to the World Cup final in the Filmore National Stadium at the tail end of June.

In the betting halls of the world, Bedistan are the favourites to win in every country but Audioslavia, where most bookies put them at evens. Something we've completely overlooked in this article, on grounds that its depressing, is the fact that not only are Bedistan the reigning World Cup Champions but they're also playing their matches at home. To re-iterate, the 'slaves will be going up against the best team in the world, right on their own doorstep. To say its a tall-order for a 'slave side that has only made it this far with the goals of Arturo Vitalis, an own goal by a Krytenian striker, and a few dodgy refereeing decisions, is to put it lightly. However, the 'slaves do have something amounting to a 'chance'. History is rather kind to the 'slaves, who have beaten Bedistan on three of the six occasions the two teams have played each other. Of course, the other three matches resulted in Bedistani wins, but there you go. Bedistan also have a decent record for the world cups they've played on home soil, having got to the final of the first World Cup they hosted. Their other hosting didn't go quite as well, losing 4-1 to The Eagles Nest in the second round. It was their worst ever defeat. So OK, thats not a 'decent' record, thats a mixed one.

Either way, Bedistan are the favourites, Bedistan are the better team, Bedistan have home advantage. The 'slaves will need to play the game of their lives.

I've been Jeremy Jaffacake, g'nite bitches.

Krytenia

04-04-2006, 16:47

Jerome sat in the dressing room, sullen and shocked. Not only had he accidentally scored the goal that had eliminated his team, he had finally met his father. And his father was a geriatric, foul-mouthed punk. His world had collapsed; no wonder his mind had been off the ball.

He continued staring into the middle distance as the rest of his team-mates filed out of the changing room. All, that is, except Cameron Stevenson.

"Look, Jez," he said, "it's only a goal. These things happen. Come on, I'll take you for a beer, we'll have a laugh and you'll feel better in the morning. OK, so you'll feel like death, but the hangover will take your mind off things."

Jerome stifled a smile. "Thanks, but it's not that. Trust me, you wouldn't understand what's going on in my head."

"Try me."

Jerome explained what had happened at half-time. Cameron said nothing, except one word as Jerome finished: "Oh."

The silence dragged on for what seemed like hours; in reality, only ten seconds or so had passed before Cameron spoke.

"Look, Jerome, he probably feels as bad as you. Why don't you call him?"

"In the morning maybe. Right about now, that beer sounds a good idea."

The next morning, Jerome awoke with no memory of the previous four hours, a thumping head, and a warm sensation in his groin. He turned and saw the blonde Bedistani woman sleeping soundly; he gave himself a satisfied smile and picked up the phone.

"Hello bitches, you're through to Jeremy Jaffacake. I can't answer the phone at the moment..."

Answerphone. Shit, he thought, then left a message.

"It's Jerome. We need to talk."

Starblaydia

04-04-2006, 18:55

Menecrates vs. Charles Pilon and Jacques Toussaint

Corralling the world's greatest midfielder will fall to the lynchpins of NMS's 2-6-2 formation. Keeping him from running loose will be key if the Paladins are to advance.

Menecrates To Break Out of Cage, Again?
"World's greatest midfielder" to sink Paladins once more?

At least somebody else believes our press. Evidently some journalists in New Montreal States think Menecrates is as good as we do. Though when you've won the World Cup with your country (which you now Captain) and won a Liga Starblaydia title and come Runner-Up to Karela Lines in the Champions' League with your club (of which you're also Captain), if you're not the greatest midfielder, then you're perhaps the luckiest. Menecrates is certainly not the latter.

Such was the impact of Starblaydia's players during the two Qualifying clashes in World Cup 26, the Paladins seem to feel duty-bound to counteract them. Menecrates and Rapahelo scored six of the seven goals that NMS conceeded to Starblaydia over their two matches.

Firstly, Starblaydia went over to the States and thrashed the home team Five-Two, including one from Raphaelo and a hat-trick from Menecrates himself. The second game in Starblaydia saw a Two-Two draw, with once again Menecrates and Raphaelo getting the goals. The other goal-scorer from the first match, in case you're wondering, was a certain twenty year-old substitute called Dasha Tolkacheva: she now partners Raphaelo in a three-pronged attack consisting of (you guessed it) Menecrates, Raphaelo and Tolkacheva.

New Montreal States, you've really done it now. Good luck, they say. You'll need it.

Liverpool England

05-04-2006, 03:27

Terminators reach quarter-finals
Liverpool England have reached the quarter finals of WC27 in Fmjphoenix, after an emphatic 3-2 victory over Spaam that saw the side come from two goals down with ten minutes left to play to clinch an incredible victory in stoppage time.

Down against two Mylor Goss goals either side of halftime, it looked like whatever was said during half-time had gone out the window when Goss scored just 45 seconds after the restart. Nick Reagan then did the unthinkable, and on 73 minutes made a triple-substitution, including Luis Sunderland, who he'd rested, coming on.

That seemed to make a difference, as with ten minutes left to play Sunderland's deep cross to Anthony Langer was met by a Spaam defender who knocked the ball past her own goalkeeper to give the Terminators a fighting chance. They took that chance, as with just four minutes left on the scoreboard Langer was fouled in the box, and Sunderland calmly dispatched the equalising penalty.

With seconds left on the clock, Langer was judged to have been pushed just outside the box. Goalkeeper Adam Carrero came forward to take the kick, which sailed past his opposite number but hit the post. Unbeknownst to the Spaam defence and the linesman, the clearly offside Langer tapped the ball in, and the goal which knocked Spaam out of the World Cup was given.

Langer admitted after the match that he had been offside. "It was offside. I wasn't active when Adam took the kick, but was offside. I tried to get back onside, and I did, but when the ball rebounded off the post and I tapped it in the linesman should have given me off."

Oliverry awaits the Terminators in the quarter-finals. If they suceed in defeating Oliverry, one of two teams with a history of beating Liverpool England, Rejistania or Squornshelous, awaits.

Fmjphoenix

05-04-2006, 04:11

Scores for the Quarterfinals being TGed.

Starblaydia

05-04-2006, 11:31

Last Four Beckons Starblaydia
Next hosts defeated in fiery thriller

This match was a tale of individuals. Of course this match was a great spectacle, with two of the top-eight teams pushing for a Semi-Final place against either hosts Bedistan or runners-up Audioslavia, but when it boiled down to it, individual brilliance (and not-so-brilliance) decided the result of this match.

First off, some brilliance. Playing in his home stadium, the 'Field of Flowers' of Floral FC, Starblaydi Georges Blanc was in his element. Bouyed up by some home-crowd support, the Starblaydi Number Four was a colossus in midfield. Overlooked by New Montreal States' media as a key player in favour of attacking players like Menecrates, Blanc's presence was the difference between victory and defeat. With a densely-packed Paladins midfield, Blanc's skills came to the fore - often requiring two or even three NMS Players challenging him at once before they could think about winning the ball from him.

It was Blanc, in fact, who played the killer pass through to Paul Noble on the right wing that gave Starblaydia their first goal. An expertly-lobbed ball over the head of Jesse Miller was directly in the path of Noble's speedy run. All it required then was a simple square-ball to Tolkacheva, who had slipped past Yannic Laurier, for her to score.

Despite the brilliance on show, there was always going to be something that spoiled the party. A double sending-off was that spoiler, Francisco Ibanez and Marc Tessier having an 'altercation' after Ibanez hacked down Villeneuve in the box. While Villeneuve remained prone and seemingly injured in the penalty area, Tessier and Ibanez had a rapid 'discussion', where the main thrust of the arguement seemed to consist - according to lip-readers - of Ibanez being a 'dirty fucking cheat who should be sent off', while Tessier was 'a big canadian ponce who should go somewhere to surrender'. With these pleasantries exchanged, blows shortly followed.

The referee, obviously not one for heated intellectual debate, promptly produced a pair of red cards so the players could continue their discussion in private. Villeneuve merely stepped up, cool as you like, and knocked his penalty home past Nicholas Mathias.

At half-time, Javi Chavez was sacrificed on the left side of midfield for Right-Back Ricardo Almeida, with Tolkacheva pulling back and Menecrates going wide on the left. Starblaydia's re-shaped 4-3-1-1 immediately showed it's benefits as Menecrates, who had been quiet throughout the first half - now had the space in which to operate: a touchline down which to weave his dazzling dance. The first chance of the second half came from a Menecrates cross, Raphaelo's powerful header blocked by Chasson. This was only the beginning for Starblaydia's captain.

Mid-way through the half, attempting to jink past Charles Pilon, Menecrates' footwork was simply too good for the Paladin and he drew a foul. One kick later and the Field of Flowers was rocking to the roar of Starblaydia's fans. Two-One was the scoreline, and the ten men of New Montreal States were to have no answer to it. Starblaydia progress to the Semi-Final.

Who they'll meet there is another question yet to be answered. Hosts Bedistan, who dumped Starblaydia out in the Quarter-Final of World Cup 23? Or Audioslavia, a two-time Runner-up in the World Cup who thrashed Starblaydia 3-1 in the Group Stage of World Cup 24?

Final score from Field of Flowers:
Starblaydia 2 - 1 New Montreal States
(Tolkacheva 27, Menecrates 75) - (Villeneuve 39)

Squornshelous

06-04-2006, 07:20

Squornshelous makes the Semis

The Pschychoes look to do a little terminating of their own
Squornshelous and Rejistania met once again last match, this time with a trip to the World Cup semifinal on the line, and once again, it was Squornshelous who were able to come away with a victory. Surprisingly, neither side was shut out, as one might expect in a match involving one of the stingiest teams in football, however, following Squornshelous' opening goal in the 21st minute, scored on a corner kick by Iannis Xenakis, Rejistania equalized, mounting a counter following the next Squornshelan corner. Seiru I Hetaki, one of just two forwards on the Orange-Blue's roster, compared to five playing for Squornshelous, was able to beat Derrick Howe and fire from about 15 meters, scoring in the top corner. The score remained tied at halftime and both teams went into the dressing room feeling a little bit dissapointed, Squornshelous, upset that they hadn't scored more, and Rejistania furious that they'd conceded at all. In the second half ball control was the name of the game, and Squornshelous had most of it. With slow paced play and good passing in midfield, the Pschychoes carefully probed the defense for weak spots. Making little through balls and runs, trying to find an open man. For 44 minutes of the half, Rejistania was equal to the task of stopping them, but with just 9 minutes remaining before stoppage time, Kumar Nesfield found a gap between midfielders Kansu Lanja and Sejil Daki and shot the ball through to Kryztoff Markanen, who was already on the move. Markanen was quickly confronted by Syku Imik, and passed across to Goran Syvatov. Syvatov raced past Simi~ll Viki and passed a hard ball ahead to Vasili Petrov, who connected with the ball and sent it spinning back across the keeper and into the net. Despite appeals by the Rejistanian players, fans and manager for offside, the play was ruled a goal, and Squornshelous was now in a fantastic position, up one late against a defensive team. Now, the Squornshelan midfield dropped back somewhat, though the three strikers did try to keep the defense on its toes, and waited to contain and shut down any forays into the Squornshelan half. The battle of attrition in midfield quickly ate up the remaining time and the whistle sounded after 3 minutes of stoppage time, sending Squornshelous on to face second ranked Liverpool England. As we look over at the other side of the bracket, we see two very familiar teams battling for the other spot in the final: defending, and now two time champions Bedistan, and the World Cup 25 champions Starblaydia. Within this semifinal set, Squornshelous is the only team who have never held the cup, the other three teams combining for five championships among them: two for Bedistan, two for Liverpool England and one for Starblaydia. We also notice that all four teams are within the top ten, with Bedistan and Starblaydia 1st and 8th respectively and Liverpool England and Squornshelous 2nd and 9th. This parity of teams (with the exception of that previous championships bit) should make for some extremely close and well fought matches, and a very deserving champion (so long as it's Squornshelous).

Final Score:
Squornshelous 2-1 Rejistania

Squornshelous' World Cup Schedule:
wins losses draws byes
Qualifying:
MD01: bye
MD02: The Islands of Qutar 1-3 Squornshelous
MD03: Squornshelous 5-1 The Macabees
MD04: Jon Parkin 4-4 Squornshelous
MD05: Squornshelous 5-0 San Adriano
MD06: Schiavonia 4-2 Squornshelous
MD07: Squornshelous 2-0 Kericia
MD08: Apologetic Kittens 1-6 Squornshelous
MD09: Squornshelous 5-0 Spaamanian Plijous
MD10: bye
MD11: Squornshelous 3-0 The Islands of Qutar
MD12: The Macabees 0-5 Squornshelous
MD13: Squornshelous 4-1 Jon Parkin
MD14: San Adriano 0-4 Squornshelous
MD15: Squornshelous 4-1 Schiavonia
MD16: Kericia 0-4 Squornshelous
MD17: Squornshelous 3-1 Apologetic Kittens
MD18: Spaamanian Plijous 0-8 Squornshelous
Finals:
GS01: Squornshelous 3-2 Turori
GS02: Squornshelous 1-0 Praying2God
GS03: Eauz 2-1 Squornshelous
Ro16: Squornshelous 1-0 Casari
QtrF: Squornshelous 2-1 Rejistania
Semi: Liverpool England vs. Squornshelous

Audioslavia

06-04-2006, 11:33

http://www.geocities.com/lifeobrien/bull.txt
Quartered
Audioslavia's World Cup dreams come unstuck at familiar stage

Once again, Audioslavia will travel home from the World Cup Finals with nothing, after being beaten 2-1 by Bedistan in a tight game at the Filmore Stadium.

Audioslavia had managed to keep the Lions at bay for the first forty-five minutes in a Bedistani-run first half, their attacking 3-4-1-2 formation pressuring the 'slaves from the off, with the Bulls unable to utilise their counter-attacking game to any real effect.

The best chances of the first half would fall to Salas and Hollins who each on occasion found themselves behind the defence yet were unable to make their chances count, with Gunnar Yngve pulling off a fine save from Salas' finish and tipping Hollins' effort round the post.

The second half would see Audioslavia getting themselves into the game and dominating the first ten minutes of the second period yet only creating one decent chance for themselves in the guise of a sixteen-yard effort from Arturo Vitalis which the striker pulled wide.

On the hour mark however it was Bedistan who drew first blood. Salas' diving header at the far post finished off a sublime move which saw ten consecutive one-touch passes in the Bedistani midfield and a jinking run down the right by Diamond where he delivered the cross for Salas.

The stadium went into raptures as the home fans went wild, only denied a unianmous celebration by the few thousand Audioslavians in one corner of the ground.

As Bedistan went on the attack again it seemed all to clear to the 'slaves, both in the stadium and watching at home, that they were going to get nothing from this game, and that seemed to be the case as Wilson, who had been rather quiet up to that point, took the ball round Petaja and lashed a shot past Yngve and into the bottom corner for number two.

That, it appeared, was that. For all Audioslavia's come-back operations in qualifying that had lead them to have a record-breaking winning streak, they hadn't in that time come back from two goals down to a side as strong as Bedistan. After two goals in quick succession, the belief and self-confidence needed to perform such a feat simply wasn't there, and as such Audioslavia's fight back was slow and pained. It took them until the eighty-six minute mark to get themselves firmly camped in the Bedistani half, but by that time the Lions were playing all-out defence, increasing the unlikelihood of the Bulls getting two goals back, let alone one.

On the stroke of ninety minutes, with the fourth official signalling for just two added minutes and a few Audioslavians dejectedly making their way out of the stadium, Didi Mussorgsky picked the ball up from thirty-five yards out, knocked it forward slightly, and hit a huge, swinging, dipping effort with the outside of his right foot which bamboozled the Bedistani goalie Issah and clipped the bottom of the bar and nestled in the bottom corner. Mussorgsky punched the air and screamed at a team-mate to collect the ball and sprint back to the centre-circle. With just sixty seconds left on the clock, a few of the 'slaves believed they could possibly Red Star this game at the death.

Bedistani's re-start was probably the most negative piece of play their country had ever seen, with Hollins simply smacking the ball out for a throw in deep inside Audioslavia's half. Rijkaard took the throw in and gave it to Vainamoinen who simply blasted the ball high into the Bedistani half to where most of the 'slaves had sprinted. Callum Baxter recieved the ball in the air and nodded it down to Mussorgski, managed to beat Hollins to the ball and sweep it away to Polsson on the wing. Polsson's cross was quick and high, swinging around in the Bedistani box before finally dropping to Sebastian Fiori on the other side who leapt into the air and, in something that could have been in The Matrix, hung their for what seemed like seconds before volleying it towards goal. Issah was beaten, but the ball rebounded back off the post. Vitalis went for the rebound but it was from a tight angle and the striker only succeeded in putting the ball accross the face of the goal to be cleared for a throw in and, finally, for the final whistle.

FINAL SCORE
Bedistan 2 (Salas 61, Wilson 64)
Audioslavia 1 (Mussorsky 90)

Liverpool England

07-04-2006, 09:51

Terminators to face Bedistan in final
Chance for revenge of 4-1 final defeat in Commerce Heights four years ago

Liverpool England beat Squornshelous 3-2 in their semifinal matchup yesterday, with Anthony Langer scoring his first international hat-trick to sink old foes Squornshelous, who knocked the Terminators out of their home world cup. Then, as they watched the scoreboard display the result of the other semifinal going on simultaneously in Bedistan, where Bedistan were playing WC25 champions Starblaydia, a huge groan was met by sighs of relief when the scoreboard display read "BDS - STB Extra Time".

The Liverpool England players and fans remained in the stadium in Fmjphoenix as the giant screens broadcast extra time live, and by the end of the game the Terminators knew they had a rematch of the World Cup 26 final, when Bedistan beat them 4-1, to come, in Bedistan.

The match will mark the first time Bedistani-born Liverpool England manager Nick Reagan has returned to his home country for a match, and his first match against his home country. It is expected that there will be a high police presence to quell trouble with fans in Bedistan still wanting revenge for the World Cup 8 final loss almost 80 years ago on Bedistani soil.

Bedistan

07-04-2006, 20:15

So it was to be.

The Bedistan Lions were in the final for the fifth time, and for the second time in four years. Never at any time in the past had the team achieved the dominance it currently exuded. They now had the chance to make Bedistan only the second nation to win three World Cups, Rejistania being the first. But most importantly, it was to be a chance at revenge. It was one of the oldest rivalries in the footballing world, dating back seventy-six years to that fateful day at Holmes Stadium in Columbia when Liverpool England shocked the world. And now it was perfect - Bedistan and Liverpool England again facing off in a World Cup final, again in Bedistani territory. But this time, the fans knew, the result would be different. The evil done in Columbia would be undone in Sonoma City.

And it was up to eleven men and women to make it happen.

Bedistan

10-04-2006, 03:32

"We've got a five-oh-eight in progress at 13th and Holmes."

Larry Hamilton had been working for the Sonoma City Police Department for twelve years, so he knew what days like this were like. A 508, of course, was the code number for a sports-related riot. Nobody was really expecting to see any of these before the match, but then again, this was Bedistan v Liverpool England. The fur was going to fly.

"Cars twelve, forty-two, and one-sixty-eight in position. Fairly large crowd here, about three dozen, an all-out brawl here. Looks like we've got about six Liverpoolers against twice as many Bedistanis. It's getting ugly."

Hamilton sighed. "I knew we should've set up that great big five-block-radius roadblock around the stadium. Then we wouldn't have this kind of problem. 'Course, nobody could get in to see the game either, but isn't that what we have TVs for? I know I wouldn't pay five thousand bakrani for a bloody ticket." He shifted over to the right lane, exiting off the X65 onto Holmes Boulevard, about twelve blocks from the stadium. Readying his gun, he prepared for what was going to be a long day.

Liverpool England

10-04-2006, 03:50

Liverpool England's head of the Federal Police Tammy Mesa was in town. She'd been sent to Bedistan to co-ordinate security efforts on the Liverpool England side. Born into a family of football-mad brothers and parents, she knew the history between the two nations. It was never pretty when the two sides met.

Beep.

Her walkie-talkie. This couldn't be good.

"Ground control unit 141, over, we've got news of a situation from Bedistani police, over."

"Roger that, are details available, over?"

"Riot. Street riot. Bedistani police are telling us at least six Liverpool Englanders were involved, over."

"Any word on injuries? Fatalities? Any other major trouble, over?" FPC Mesa was shaking her head in disbelief. You'd get 4 years in jail if convicted of rioting in Liverpool England, and here there were at least six people causing a nuisance in a foreign country.

"At this time details are sketchy, FPC, over."

FPC Mesa held her head in her hands. What if things got out of trouble? What if someone died? She was in charge, she'd be held responsible on the Liverpool England side of things.

"Roger that. Unit 141 proceed to stadium, over."

"Roger, chief. Over and out."

Mesa arrived at the scene, and found a Bedstani policeman. Nametag Hamilton. She chatted with him. "It's going to be a rough day, today."

Bedistan

12-04-2006, 02:35

"Rough indeed," he replied. "Shame I'm all too used to it here, they have all the big sporting events here, and our citizens, bless them, tend to get a little bit...shall we say, excited."

And with that, he proceeded into the fray.

----

"Bedistan versus Liverpool England - what better World Cup final could you ask for? None, if you ask me. Hi everyone, I'm Mike Green III, and you are watching live coverage of the final right here on BSTV, now proudly broadcasting in over 100 nations. But of course a job like this is far too big for one man, so I'd like to welcome the newest member of the BSTV team, winner of World Cup 26 and the Tyrellian Ylompics, Billy English."

Billy: "Good to be here, Mike, really great. I gotta tell you, I'm surprised to see the Lions here in the final again - nothing against the current team, I just didn't really think they had the experience. But it's a pleasant surprise."

Mike: "Yes, it is, and today we finally get the opportunity for revenge..."

[A three-quarter-century-old clip from WAY back in the archives starts rolling.]

[7th minute]

Sam: Cannon on the attack...he sends it right, but Bream knows what she's doing out there. She deflects it out of play, and it's a corner for Liverpool.

Joey: As I expected, the attacks are starting early. This will likely be a fast and furious game.

[12th minute]

Sam: And Langley passes to Dussis...he tries it now, and GOOOOOOAL!

Joey: Nice shot by Paul Dussis there, and Liverpool England is up 1-0 in the 12th.

Sam: Bream looks angry with herself, but I can't deny that that was an excellent shot.

[29th minute]

Sam: Lions attacking now...Myers sends it up to Whitehurst. He hesitates for a second, now he kicks it...but the keeper easily takes control.

Joey: Jeff should've made that shot. I really think his age is catching up with him. I note that he hasn't scored a single goal this Cup -- maybe Parker's kept him on for too long?

Sam: It would seem that way...

[33rd minute]

Sam: And the ball goes to Cannon...he goes left, Bream with him...now he zips right and SLAMS IT IN!!

Joey: I don't believe it! How did she fall for that?!

Sam: Liverpool England up 2-0, and we're only a third of the way through. I don't like the way this is looking...

[56th minute]

Sam: Briscoe with the ball....she passes over to Myers, who in turn sends it to Rivera. He makes a shot from midfield, and the keeper misses by an inch! Goal by Rivera!

Joey: Down 2-1 now...we might still have a chance, though I think we'd have to hope for extra time.

[79th minute]

Sam: And that's a foul by Liverpool England in the box. Bedistan captain Johnny Lewis will take the kick, hoping for the equalizer here. He's waiting...concentrating...he kicks, and it's...off to the right.

Joey: That was not good. If we have ever needed a goal in the history of our team, this was the time, and Lewis couldn't deliver. I hope he can redeem himself soon...

[83rd minute]

Sam: He takes a shot, and -- oh no...it's in. Olivia Bream gives up her third goal of the match.

Joey: And the stadium now is unusually quiet, save for that contingent of Liverpool England fans in the northwest quadrant. Bream looks shocked, and for good reason -- it is very rare for her to give up three goals in one match.

Sam: I really don't know if we can come back now, Joey...

[92nd minute]

Sam: And...time. There's the whistle. And most of the stadium is as silent as a tomb.

Joey: Incredible. Just incredible. Coming in, it looked like we had it in the bag. Instead, we leave with the ultimate humiliation. The Cup suddenly snatched from our hands right at the end.

Mike: "That was the first time that a team from a host nation reached the final, and it was also the first time that a team lost the final on home soil. Now it's the same matchup again, and we're hoping we can reverse that result this time around."

Billy: "Well, the crowd's definitely behind us - this place is packed. And wow, did you hear some of the ticket prices? I've heard reports of seats going for upwards of six thousand bakrani - for our international viewers, that's a little under eight thousand Liverpool Pounds, about thirteen thousand five hundred dollars, almost fifteen million lil'kansu'ny, or ______ totally inflated yen. That's a lot."

Mike: "Well, we'll go to commercial real quick, then we'll be back for kickoff."

----

Goalkeeper Vailatai Issah paced back and forth in the locker room at halftime. His team was down one-nil, and he knew it was his fault. He held on to the ball way too long and Hairston simply came up and took it right from in front of him and put it in the goal.

"Come on man, don't beat yourself up." Jerry Crowley, Issah's teammate at Ari FC, was a good friend of his and had a fair bit of experience cheering the goalkeeper up. "We've still got a good 45 minutes to play, all we gotta do is get the guys up front in gear and you won't have to worry anymore. Right, Monty?"

Monty Salas chortled. "Easy for you to say."

----

"Status, Hamilton?"

"Everything's fine here, nobody looking particularly rowdy at the moment." Jerry was relieved to have a bit of a break, especially since it had taken until almost twenty minutes into the match to take care of the incident on Thirteenth Street right outside the stadium. The Bedistanis involved were probably going to serve thirty days for public misconduct; the Liverpoolers, on the other hand, faced the misfortune of extradition back home, where the penalties were rumored to be much greater. About five minutes after all that had ended, the 0-1 goal was scored, and he was preparing for riots to begin anew, but they surprisingly didn't. He knew perfectly well that both sides were just biding their time, though.

----

Leonard Hollins received the ball passed up to him by Sarah Jackson behind him. Three Liverpool defenders stood in his way, but something in the back of his mind urged him on, waiting for them to make a mistake. Sure enough, it came - a hole opened up between Lacey and Thompson. He took the chance. The ball glided through the hole, but was Carrero going to be too fast to let it in? It looked like it, but his deflection wasn't quite in the direction he was hoping for; instead the ball went backward into the crossbar and bounced downward into the goal to tie the score.

Much cheering ensued - the Lions were still in it, and all they had to do was find one more goal to seal the deal.

----

Mike: "There goes the whistle with no go-ahead goal by either side, the score still one-one here at Fillmore National Stadium. This was promised to be a great game, and it is not disappointing so far..."

Billy: "Well, with everything on the line, neither team is giving any quarter here. Are they going to be able to handle the extra time period? We'll find out after these messages."

...to be continued...

Spaam

14-04-2006, 14:15

Congratulations to Fmjphoenix and Bedistan, for running what I will propose as the best World Cup ever. No real problems in the running of the cup, good results all round, and most importantly, RP. Yes, World Cup 27 has had more RP than any other World Cup (907 and counting), finally beating the long held record of World Cup 12 (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showthread.php?t=310041) (838). We might like to note that World Cup 12 is also known as the Cup of Spaaming (http://ns.goobergunch.net/wiki/index.php/Spaaming), when the Spaam Sports Weekly was at its spaaming best. And World Cup 27 of course saw the long awaited return of the most notorious sports publication in NS sports history. Coincidence? I think not. Anyways, congratulations to the hosts, and in celebration, here is a repost of the Greatest RP in the World (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showthread.php?p=5975430), from World Cup 12.

United Spaam Sports Weekly

Spaam's Most Popular Sports Magazine

The Greatest RP In The World - A Tribute

This is the greatest and best RP in the world... Tribute.

Long time ago, me and Brazillico here,
We were hitchhiking down, to an old and lonesome field.
All of a sudden, there shined a shiny Chilli Bat, in the middle of the road.
And he said:

"Write the best RP in the world.... or I'll eat your souls."

Well, me and Braz, we looked at each other,
And we each said.... "Okay."

And we wrote the first thing that came to our heads,
Just so happened to be,
The best RP in the world, it was the best RP in the world.

Look into my eyes, and its easy to see,
Spaam scored two, total goals were three,
It was destiny.
Once every hundred thousand years or so,
The Spaamanian team will beat Brazillico,
Two to one, you know?

Needless to say, the batt was stunned.
Whip-crack went his chilli wings,
And the bat was done.
He asked us: "*snort* Be you angels?"
And we said, "Nay. We are but geeks."
Rock!
Ahhhh, ahhhh, ahhhh-ahhhh-ahhhh,
Ohhhh, woah, ah-woah-oh!

This is not the greatest RP in the world, no.
This is just a tribute.
Stupid computer lost the greatest RP in the world, no, no.
This is a tribute, oh, to the greatest RP in the world,
All right! It was the greatest RP in the world,
All right! It was the best bleeping RP the greatest RP in the world.

Doo bee doo wap doo dee wap doo bee doo bee wap doo bee doo wap!
Doo bee doo wap doo dee wap doo bee doo bee wap doo bee doo wap!

And the peculiar thing is this my friends:
The RP we wrote on that fateful night it didn't actually look
Anything like this RP.

This is just a tribute! You gotta believe me!
And I wish you had read it! Just a matter of opinion.
Ah, fudge! Good God, God lovin',
So surprised to find I had lost it.

Doo bee doo wap doo dee wap doo bee doo bee wap doo bee doo wap!
Doo bee doo wap doo dee wap doo bee doo bee wap doo bee doo wap!

All right! All right!

<<page three>>

Bedistan

15-04-2006, 20:29

Felicity Wilson cast a nervous glance at the scoreboard.

BEDISTAN 2 Hollins 73 Diamond 101
LIVERPOOL ENGLAND 1 Hairston 22

ET2 Half 108:39

She stepped up to the spot. A foul in the box a minute or so ago presented this opportunity, and if she made this penalty it was almost certain that Liverpool England wouldn't be able to come back and tie the match.

----

The TV screen went black. "Oh, that's just great, the bloody BSTV feed went out. What ass touched something at a time like this?" Would she make the shot? Families all over the world sat intently staring at their blank screens waiting for the news.

----

For a moment all of Sonoma City was silent. Then...

"GOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOAL!"

Three-one was the score after the kick. Three-one was the score for the next fifteen minutes. Three-one was the score when the final whistle blew.

Three-one was the score at full time in Columbia seventy-six years ago. Three-one was the score at full time in Sonoma City today.

And three was the number of World Cup titles that the Grand Dominion of Bedistan now held.

Sarzonia

15-04-2006, 21:51

Woodstock Daily Mail

Wilson slams final, demands investigation

APRIL 15, 2006 -- After defending World Cup champions and hosts Bedistan successfully repeated as champions with a 3-1 win after extra time at the hands of Liverpool England, Sarzonian national team coach Dave Wilson was hardly in a congratulatory mood.

"Look at the results and the officiating throughout this [expletive] World Cup," Wilson fumed. "This was a set up. This result was fixed like the last one. There was a conspiracy to bring Bedistan to the final in their home city and bring them a championship. How the hell do you explain the fact that the third ranked team in the world can't even get out of the group stage?

"I want the Emergency World Cup Committee to launch an immediate investigation into these results and be prepared to nullify the whole [expletive] World Cup if they have to. Bedistan didn't win jack squat fairly and squarely. They're crooked. All of them."

Wilson's rant was directed at shock losses to both The Kazoo Peoples, whom Wilson said, "we should have beaten like a six year old child with its hand in the cookie till" and Casari, a team Wilson said "were a bunch of classless, talentless thugs." Even Sarzonia's first-ever win over Rejistania wasn't enough to assuage his anger over the Stars elimination from World Cup contention after only two matches in the World Cup finals proper.

"We should have known better than to let those Bedistani dogs pick officiating crews," he said. When informed that Fmjphoenix chose the crews that ran the Sarzonia matches, Wilson snapped, "they were in [expletive] cohoots with Bedistan and you know it. Any four year old could have figured out that Bedistan was aided along by something, be it bribes or whatnot."

The rant seemingly was timed to call attention away from Sarzonia's dreadful performance as defending AOCAF champions in a series of results that led to speculation that Wilson might retire as national team coach to concentrate on his duties as IFF chairman. However, Wilson dismissed those claims as "ludicrous.

"You ain't heard the last of me yet," he said. "We'll get those [expletive] in Bedistan if it's the last thing we do."

[OOC: I want to emphasise that all this bitching is solely IC. OOCly, as I've told Bedistan a number of times, I think this was the best-run World Cup I've ever been associated with. The only thing I thought was disconcerting was the change in the playoff format before the Finals, but this was EXTREMELY well done. I would vote for a bid with either Bedistan or Fmjphoenix running things in a minute. Congratulations on such a great Cup. The Archregimancy and NMS have a lot to live up to. :)]

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World Cup 27 RP Thread - Page 4