World Cup 27 RP Thread [Archive] - Page 3

Tadjikistan

14-03-2006, 16:51

Improve or go home!
By Simon Grinchik, part time sportsjournalist

With the first half of the qualifications over, experts and observers took the time given by MatchDay 10 to evaluate the Tadjik Tigers and their performance. And it must be said, the evaluation was all but good. Coach Khumdin Sharipov is blamed for mismanagement of the team and several players are called useless.

Tomislav Belanov and Georgi Shpagin, Tadjik experts in the field of football and employees of the Tadjik National Football Federation were hard on both their coach and team, with only a select few men escaping their merciless pen. First to get the floor whiped with was Khumdin Sharipov, Coach of the Tadjik Tigers since the Draggonni Inviyatii Pre World Cup tournament. Sharipov was named as main problem in the faltering national team.

Shpagin was extremely hard when judging the coach's performance and called him "General Loser, opponents dont need strikers with this man leading our team". Especially the loss in Lovisa and the three draws were critical in Sharipovs dossier. Belanov notes that "the TNFF should have gone with a real coach once they saw this man was a nincompoob" and added "Meagre wins against experimental, incomplete teams and a loss to Kazoo nobodies were a clear sign of incompetence, The Tigers fail to play properly while Tadjik clubs wreck havoc in the NSFA Cup". Coach Sharipov in the meantime, remained unavailable to comment these allegations.

Belanov and Shpagin continued their destructive campaign by openly critizising or supporting certain players, rating them on their performance and pointing out their weaknesses.
The two men created a scale on which each player is judged in which 1 is really bad and 10 is perfect. Players who have not yet been able to play an entire match were left out for obvious reasons

1.Gurchev (8/10)
Although he is a man with experience and has shown that he is still a valuable goalkeeper, he is getting old. The lack of a good alternative speaks in his favor.

2.Andreev (3/10)
He's in the team because he is a good defender, but his stupidity cost the team 2 points and the idiot is proud of it! Dont open the door, just kick him out through the window.

3.Polozkov (3/10)
Single handedly managed to give away 2 badly needed points. Whats more, he thinks he is actually doing a good job. Why people like him so much is a mystery to us. Dont open the window, just kick him through the glass, we'll gladly pay for it.

4.Ashurov (5/10)
The only man in the whole defense who does what he has to do, defend. But he underperforms, is it caused by his clubs recent successes? We'll give him the benefit of the doubt... for now.

5.Kornilov (7/10)
Another old player, getting a bit slow but otherwise a decent player. Too bad there are so many fools around him. Thanks his high rating to Pliiev.

6.Pliiev (8/10)
Old! But still a valuable asset. He deserves to be captain but its a poisoned gift, especially with this bunch of incompetent idiots. Who's gonna replace him when he's gone? And what will happen to the team?

7.Kirponos (7/10)
Only 22, his first World Cup. He's simply too young, give him a few more years and he'll make a fine player, maybe he's the one who should replace Pliiev after the latters retirement.

8.Zverev (4/10)
I know he's on the team because I saw him everytime the team lines up on the field at the start of the match and ... thats it, he's mostly invisible during the match. Its like going to bed with the backdoor open, he leaves a huge gap where he is supposed to operate.

9.Saradov (8/10)
Maybe if the men behind him gave him some more passes and assists to work with, Saradov would be able to score more often. Its a dream I guess.

10.Tulberdiev (4/10)
Simply not good enough! He was lucky during that first match against Giant Zucchini and scored three times, but since then he has not been able to match that performance. Its what we'd call 'a one day fly'

11.Zyrianov (6/10)
Despite his youth he has been a valuable asset to the Tigers, too bad he is injured. Though he could still use the experience.

12.Priore (6/10)
Made a few crucial goals but he still underachieves. Its so in contrast with his performance with his own club, that we sometimes wonder what he's doing in the national team, is it the money that makes him show up?

13.Skoropadski (4/10)
"This man saved us" they all yelled. And if I might ask, what did he save? The Tigers are still conceding goals against unknown and unranked teams that focus on defensive play.

14.Kuthakov (4/10)
Has been called 'saviour' just like Skoropadski but I fail to see what he's saved. Still managed leave huge holes in his defenses against unexperienced little teams with two or less strikers.

Conclusion: Throw out Sharipov and reform the whole rear, The current defenders are doing a good job with their own club but they are playing like bags of potatoes here.
The 3-4-3 system is getting old, what happened to our reputation of tactical geniuses? We're fighting WW3 with sticks and stones. In the current situation, our advice is to add an extra defender.
The way things are going right now, we believe that the second round will get even worse.

OOC: try to remember that this is only the opinion of Shpagin and Belanov. the Federation has yet to respond to this audit.

Spruitland

14-03-2006, 18:05

Open letter to the World Cup hosts
from: One Very Pissed Off Journalist

Solar flares? Hackers? Whatever, I don’t care! This reporter wants compensation!

Do you people not realize what a crappy job I have? Traveling all across the freaking globe – and I hate flying – following a bunch of asshole football players around like a lap dog, hoping they throw me a bone to write about. Having to get by on an extremely limited expense account, forcing me to stay in the shadiest hotels, with even shadier prostitutes.

I do not do this for fun, folks! I do this to make a living, so my kids can have peanut butter for lunch, my wife can buy her weekly pair of shoes, and I can get my weekly STD shot. And I get paid by the word.

Yes, that’s right, by the word. So when my huge mother-friggin’ article gets lost in the mail, for whatever damn reason, I am not a happy camper, capiche? And no, shut up, I don’t have a backup – I use a typewriter, I’m an artist, so fuck you.

Bottom line, three days of hard work lost in oblivion, and I don’t get paid. Not one goddamn cent. And I want compensation! Way I figure it, the World Cup hosts are to blame. It was their postal service after all, and save the fobbing bullshit, I double-stamped that sucker, I'm sure of it.

So I’ll take a check or international money order, please, for one very high quality sports article, of at least 25,000 words – probably closer to 35,000, but let’s call it an even 30k. Standard international journalism pay-by-word rate will suffice, but feel free to throw in a bonus for emotional damages.

Thank you very much.

Cataduanes

14-03-2006, 19:02

Islanders lose midfielder

Andres Chavicano is out after pulling a groin muscle, the influential midfielder looks set to be out until matchday 15. Coach Manua announced for the timebeing that Maurizio Envigado will take his place in the starting eleven, while also admitting that the injury was a major blow 'with the next fixture against Nebeleux we can afford the loss but we face Crystalilakere afterwards, we could really do with Chavicano's presence in the center of the park for that match' stated Senor Manua.

Indeed the fixture on Matchday 11, away to Crystalilakere, will be a strong test of Cataduanes's nerve, they have socred 18 goals and conceded 7 - the islanders in comparison have scored 16 but let in 14. The is also the matter of Cataduanes home defeat to Crystalilakere on machday 2, when a packed Estadio National saw there side go down 4-2, no doubt this is something Coach Manua will be looking to avoid.

San Adriano

14-03-2006, 21:20

Startled Sanadrianese keep going

As he stood and spoke to more journalists than he had ever seen in his life, growing up in the small Sovereign Village, Sanadrianese team captain Et Wih looked a little dazed. Despite being the captain of a team which focuses very much on defence, Wih is the usual starting eleven’s sole attacker, and he has had to get used to the intimidating task of rushing forward into an opposite side which always vastly outnumbers him.

No-one would have thought the little nation would score even one goal, let alone five half-way through the qualifying stages. Their opening game, which they lost in Schiavonia, is still watched again and again by fans back home, still marvelling that their team scored a goal.

“It’s been amazing!” Wih said. By most nations' standards, a record of one win, three draws and four losses is hardly exceptional, but by Sanadrianese standards it’s rather like a streak of eight victories. “We came here hoping we could perhaps pull off one draw in sixteen games,” Wih admitted.

One member of the tiny Sanadrianese Parliament reportedly said that the team’s performance was “astonishingly good”, and it has been rumoured that Princess Serena will be formally congratulating the players at the end of the competition – even if the next eight games are resounding defeats.

To add to the excitement, the media in Schiavonia – a country all Sanadrianese have now heard of and like very much, despite the incident in which their monarch was stalked during her visit – have even suggested, not without a touch of humour, that San Adriano might make it to the finals.

“Well, we’ve already done much more than what we’d aimed for,” Wih said simply, with a smile.

The country is also preparing for the Winter Olympic Games in Aeropag, and the Ylompics in Tyrellia. San Adriano will be sending one athlete to the former and two to the latter, and hopes in the field of sports have now been raised so high that some are even hoping for a medal.

Mr Chuck Norris

14-03-2006, 22:10

Chuck Norris News
For All Of Your Fighting Norris Coverage

Well everyone watching, we have loads of sad news for you and not any good way to deliver it. First and foremost, beyond the score of the Fighting Norris' most recent football match at Turori, we know nothing about the match. We sent a team of reporters and cameramen to Turori to report on the match only to find them missing three days after the conclusion of it. With modern travel, it generally only takes about 14 hours to get from Turori back to our Holy Empire of Mr Chuck Norris, which is why we began to worry. We've recently received notice that our team was killed by a car bomb by rioters in Turori at the conclusion of the match. Our sympathies go out both to the family of these men and women for their loss as well as to the fans of the Fighting Norris, who will not receive the details of their favorite team's most recent match. This is all we know:

Mr Chuck Norris 1 (Chuck Norris 81)
Turori 4 (Forward "A" 19, 38, 57, 76)

--------------------------------------------------------------------------

To comment on the status of the Fighting Norris, here once again is the coach of the Fighting Norris, Bob Janney.

"To start off, I'm very sorry to everyone who may have been associated with those CNN members victim of the tyranny of terrorists in Turori. On a brighter note, things have taken a turn for the better with our team. Although we were destroyed by Turori, we still managed to maintain the fourth spot in our group, only out of the third qualification spot by one point. We've got a home matchup next against Yafor 2, who is currently only behind us due to a goal difference. I believe we can and really need to pull off a win. We only lost 1-2 against them at their stadium and we were awful then compared to now... we can do it. The other matches in our group next week are Turori at The Belmore Family, which we need The Belmore Family to at least draw, The Lowland Clans at TheSuncoastofFlorida, which we need them to draw badly, and Rolatia at Allied Anime Worlds, which is where we really really need Allied Anime Worlds to finally step it up a strike up some points. I figure at the end of next week, we will still sit in fourth place, which is good, but only time will tell.

Schedule of The Fighting Norris for World Cup 27
Matchday 1: At Yafor 2 (Loss 1-2)
Matchday 2: Vs. Allied Anime Worlds (Win 4-2)
Matchday 3: Vs. TheSuncoastofFlorida (Draw 0-0)
Matchday 4: Vs. Liverpool England (Loss 2-5)
Matchday 5: At The Lowland Clans (Draw 1-1)
Matchday 6: Vs. Rolatia (Win 2-0)
Matchday 7: On Bye
Matchday 8: At The Belmore Family (Win 4-1)
Matchday 9: At Turori (Loss 1-4)
Matchday 10: Vs. Yafor 2
Matchday 11: At Allied Anime Worlds
Matchday 12: At TheSuncoastofFlorida
Matchday 13: At Liverpool England
Matchday 14: Vs. The Lowland Clans
Matchday 15: At Rolatia
Matchday 16: On Bye
Matchday 17: Vs. The Belmore Family
Matchday 18: Vs. Turori

Fighting Norris Record: (3-2-3)

Krytenia

14-03-2006, 22:42

http://i25.photobucket.com/albums/c58/Krytenia/thsdNEWS.png
Vu Are Ya?
by Rami Niblick in Secklow

IT'S back to the forge for the Aces as they get the midfield engine vibrating once more. Though the home side never got out of second gear against Vuam and Isma, they did not need to in this dull one-nil victory.

Chris Blannix was the heart of the machine, covering every blade of grass on the pitch, and supplying the shot which Gabriel Kennedy fired home. Sixty minutes of hard tackles and bad passing from both sides, with neither looking to add to the score. Another grind against Revived Constantinople will do just fine - but we here at the News wouldn't say no to a five-nil.

KRYTENIA - 1
Kennedy 29

VUAM & ISMA - 4

SCORERS:
G. Kennedy - 7
J. Jaffacake-Phillips - 6 (+1 Cafetiere Cup, one hat-trick)
T. Aspell - 2
J. Quinnell - 2
A. Pedroso - 1
R. Sauvage - 1

FIXTURES:
MD01: H v RCO W 1-0 (ArenaWest, Aigburth)
CAF1: A v FMJ L 1-2
MD03: H v LTH D 1-1 (Walton Gardens, Simpson)
MD04: A v PAL W 7-0
MD05: H v RVL W 4-2 (Midland Stadium, Bromham)
MD06: H v SRZ L 1-2 (Isserson Stadium, Everton City)
MD07: H v HYP W 1-0 (Denbigh Park, Ousevale)
MD08: A v LGL D 4-4
MD09: H v VAI W 1-0 (The Mound, Secklow)
MD10: A v RCO ?????
CAF2: H v FMJ ????? (Isserson Stadium, Everton City)
MD12: A v LTH ?????
MD13: H v PAL ????? (Lays Road Ground, Leston)
MD14: A v RVL ?????
MD15: A v SRZ ?????
MD16: A v HYP ?????
MD17: H v LGL ????? (Oxley Park, Everton City)
MD18: A v VAI ?????

Audioslavia

14-03-2006, 22:44

http://www.geocities.com/lifeobrien/bull.txt

Special Feature: The Impossible Mission of World Cup 9

Audioslavia's unprecedented run of eight wins on the trot are reminding people of the few such feats the 'slaves have managed in the past. There have been one or two, in World Cup 13 qualifying and World Cup 20 qualifying the side managed runs of seven on the bounce, but those were by high-ranked, exciting Audioslavia sides, and with the state of the nation's football team in seemingly perrenial decline, its getting more and more difficult to identify with the teams of twenty years ago. It is no suprise then, that we look not to the world beating sides of World Cups 12 and 20, but to the side of World Cup 9, who took on the world over seventy years ago.

The Audioslavia side of World Cup 9 were never going to set the world alight. Granted, Lee Branson and Jonny Willow would later play in the World Cup 12 final, but the rest of the team were young, inexperienced and sub-par. Of course at the time we didn't know this, or rather we did, but didn't want to think about it. To us, Audioslavia were one of the best teams in the world. It was just a bout of misfortune that they kept losing to good teams, found it difficult to beat average teams, and kept struggling against awful teams. World Cup 9 was no different. Despite a shocking performance in World Cup 8 which saw the 'slaves qualify by the width of a horse-hair and going out after just two games, they were expected to qualify from Group 4 of World Cup 9.

The Cast

NATION RANK
Timway 5
Audioslavia 18
Spaam 24
Aquilla 36
East Spaam 74
Lanky Dude 150
Sensual Products 150
Clearwater 150

On paper it was a tough group. Timway may not have the same place in history as the Brazillicos and Europa Britannias of this world, but their performance in World Cup 8, where they finished in fourth place, cemented their status as a top side, something Spaam had already done through their emphatic performances in World Cups 6 and 7, yet they had come unstuck in World Cup 8, which made for their comparitvely low rank of 24. Of course, rank of 24 would have modern Spaamanians jumping for joy and counting the days til next season. How times change...

After the top three ranked sides however, came the class acts. These were the teams that would set the world alight. They had skill, they had talent, they were classy, intelligent and played beautiful, sexy football. Above all that, their RPs not only put the likes of Snub Nose 38 and Lemmitania to shame, they were up there with Keats, Kipling and Conrad as major works of the English language. They were Lanky Dude, Aquilla and East Spaam. Hark ye now upon these great works that have gone down in literary history as the most sublime exponents of the great art that is 'RP':

@@@@ EAST SPAAM NYOOZ @@@@
Nates Meos Mordi

Spaam playd East Spaam last nit in frunt ov orlmost 150000
spektatorz in da noo Guroch Stadium. It woz a veri eksiting gaym wif
lots ov chansiz. Aran an Elmo both orlmost skord golz but da Spaam
keeper stopt dem. Da grayt Mèla Sëhelin skord da onli gol ov da mach
in da 38th minit, geting it past Celo eezilee. Koch Menny sed hee
woz hapi wif hiz teem eeven tho wee lost. Wee ar looking 4wed too
playing Ordeeo^H^H^H^H^H^HOrdeeosla^H^H^H^H^H^H^H^Har
nekst gaym koz wee mit win. Da End.

Sam.rfta defeeting Ordeeoslarveea at hom laast rownd East Spaam went too
Kleerworta. Kleerworta had playd Spaam larst rownd, loozing 1 nil and
so East Spaam wer konfident. Da gaym beegan wel, with plentee ov
akshun an chansiz. Elmo skord da ferst gol in da 21st minit, eezilee
defeeting da Kleerworta keepa Tucker. Kleerworta den kam bak in da
35th minit, with Davis an Gannon kombining too skor past Celo.

Kleerworta skord agen rit afta da brayk, with Davis defeeting Menada and
Celo too poosh dem too a wun gol leed. East Spaam kept serching for
da eekwaliza, with plentee ov klos korls bi Aran an Elmo, but it woz Mara
hoo finalee got it in da 72nd minit. Shee shot it intoo da top left korna,
an eeven do Tucker got hiz finga tips on it, it stil got in. Elmo orlmost got
da wining gol sekendz from fool tim, but Tucker just got it on da lin.

Dis dror keeps East Spaam at 4th plays on da taybel, wun poynt beehind
Akwila, hoo droo with Spaam in Natúl. Spaam stayz at da top ov da
taybel, wun poynt ahed ov Laynkee Dood, hoo wee wil bee playing nekst
rownd heer in Shaw. Orl ov United Spaam wil bee hoping wee win.

Sam.

Well I'll probably be able to topple that Loose watever. I'm worried about S, ES, and Timway tho.

Lanky United beat Clearwater 2-1, after two brilliant headers from lanky smith. Their striker was huge!!!

Still a good mathc for the leg powered lanky team 8) 8) 8) 8) 8) 8) 8) 8) 8) :P :P :P :P :wink: :wink: :wink: :wink: :wink:

Aren't they sublime? Its so sad that these great nations have since fallen by the way-side...

Of the other two sides in the group, Sensual Products were an unknown side and were embarking on their first World Cup. The same went for Clearwater, not to be confused with the Creedence Clearwater side that was to grace the football scene in the coming years.

The Struggle

Audioslavia's first match would be home game with the unfancied Clearwater side, playing their first ever match in international football. However, this wouldn't put the 'slaves minds at rest. Audioslavia had been beaten by a team playing their first ever match before; the well documented and infamous four-nil loss to Squornshelous on the opening day of the qualifiers for World Cup Five. As it turned out, no such mistakes would be made as Audioslavia ran out 2-0 victors in a comfortable game.

Next up came another newbie team in the shape of Lanky Dude. Again, Audioslavia went into the game with high expectations, but at the final whistle it was the unfancied Lankdudians who were celebrating a 2-0 win.

Over the coming weeks, the 'slaves would draw two games and lose the other two, including a 1-0 home defeat to East Spaam "just days after an awful draw with the third-world masseurs Sensual Products" before getting a 0-0 draw with Timway who, surprisingly, were also struggling. The final insult came on matchday six when a battered and bruised Audioslavia team were beaten 1-0 by Aquilla on home turf. Insult was added to injury by a paticularly mean TnUI journalist, commenting on Audioslavia's position on the subjective list of the world's footballing superpowers.

Power? They couldn't power their way out of a paper bag!

Indeed, the table made for sorry reading.

P W D L F A GD Pts
Spaam 6 3 3 0 09 06 +3 12
Aquilla 6 3 2 1 10 06 +4 11
Lanky Dude 6 3 1 2 10 07 +3 10
East Spaam 6 2 1 2 06 05 +1 10
Sensual Products 6 1 3 2 04 05 -1 6
Timway 6 1 3 2 07 09 -2 6
Audioslavia 6 1 2 3 03 05 -2 5
Clearwater 6 1 1 4 04 11 -7 4

Audioslavia were having a tough time of it. Only Clearwater had played worse over the course of the six games. This showed in a number of confused press releases:

if Our offence could score a goal now and then We would be doing a lot better. We're going back to basics!Get them back to a differant basics.

Times were tough in the Audioslavia camp. Manager Kenny Lravitz's position was under threat, and the 'slaves looked like being ruled out of the qualification before even the half-way point. A match against Spaam beckoned, and Lravitz was given an ultimatum by the F.A.: beat Spaam, or be sacked. The world expected Lravitz to be on his way. After all, Spaam were the form side. They were unbeaten so far, their puppet had already beaten the 'slaves, and the last Spaam-Audioslavia match had ended in a 3-0 defeat for the 'slaves.

The Fightback

Spaamers get hammered, 'waters get slaughtered.

In this weeks two matches, the 'slaves, after a sad run of 5 games without a win, accounted for Spaam in an impressive 2-0 display, with winger Lever and fullback Jackson taking the goals.

Lever, coming back from an injury sustained in the 0-0 draw with fellow-strugglers Haraki, netted after only ten minutes as he met a Wilson cross with a bullet header at the far post. Audioslavia continued to dominate the first half, clearly bolstered from playing in front of their own faithful, and took a two goal lead from a Jackson penalty, after striker Kann was felled in the box.

The second half saw Spaam slowly gainig the upper hand, looking every inch the side that swept the 'slaves off the pitch 3-0 in World Cup 6 (or was it WC7? NB, check before sending off to the 'slave news printers). With 20 minutes left Spaam looked like scoring, but a break in play after a scuffle between Ripper and the Spaam goalkeeper after a pumpkin-bursting incident which we will not go into here, destroyed the Spaamages concentration at a vital time, and the score remained the same.

Audioslavia's next match, away to Clearwater, was like, really easy and stuff. We won 3-1.

Audioslavia remain in 6th place out of the eight, but with only 3 points between the top 6 sides, the 'slaves chances of qualifying are looking decidedly rosier than they were a few weeks ago.

This has been Jeremy Jaffacake, signing off. G'nite bitchbiscuits.

P W D L GF GA GD Pts
Aquilla 8 4 2 2 13 7 +6 14
Lanky Dude 8 4 2 2 12 8 +4 14
Spaam 8 3 4 1 9 8 +1 13
East Spaam 8 4 1 3 10 10 +0 13
Timway 8 3 3 2 12 10 +2 12
Audioslavia 8 3 2 3 8 6 +2 11
Sensual Products 8 1 3 4 5 11 -6 6
Clearwater 8 1 1 6 6 16 -10 4

Now the table looked a little more friendly to the 'slaves, yet they were still sixth out of eight teams and had to face all but one of the sides that were placed above them. Needing a stretch of wins to get themselves back into contention, they travelled to Lanky Dude and beat them by three goals to one in an emphatic win, before scraping another away victory against Sensual Products. The table, looking so scary two weeks earlier, had been totally shook up. P W D L GF GA GD Pts
East Spaam 10 6 1 3 13 11 +2 19
Aquilla 10 5 2 3 16 9 +7 17
Audioslavia 10 5 2 3 12 7 +5 17
Timway 10 4 4 2 17 11 +6 16
Spaam 10 4 4 2 11 10 +1 16
Lanky Dude 10 4 2 4 13 15 -2 14
Sensual Products 10 1 3 6 6 14 -8 6
Clearwater 10 1 2 7 7 19 -12 5

The 'slaves had out-done themselves, but were in for a rollercoaster ride in their final four games:

Audioslavia's next four matches are probably the hardest run of games the 'slaves have ever had. Next week they play host to league leaders East Spaam, who dispatched us 1-0 in the first tie. Home advantage will need to pay against the dangerous East Spaamians if the 'slaves want any hope of sitting pretty on the top of group D going into the next game. Unfortunately for the 'slaves, that 'next game' will be away to rivals Timway, the hardest game on paper as Timway are rated as the 5th best side in the world today. With both sides on a winning streak with everything to play for and everything to lose, this game should be a classic. The last two games are as hard as they come. A home tie at Aquilla and an away trip to Spaam will decide the 'slaves fate.

out of Aquilla, Audioslavia, Spaam, East Spaam and Timway, only 3 can make it into World Cup Nine. Stay tuned to find out who, or alternatively, log onto www.nationstates.net and find the 'results' thread, and it'll tell you all you need to know. Ive been Jeremy 'Danger' Jaffacake. g'night bitches.

A week after that article was written, on a rainy Sunday in Audioslavia, the 'slaves took East Spaam apart in the Soundgardian National Arena, defeating them 2-0 to put them on top of the table, but just one point ahead of Spaam, East Spaam and Timway, and two ahead of Aquilla. Aquilla's fall to fifth place seemed to hit their country hard, and their press releases were becoming as confusing as the earlier Clearwater ones:

It won't be easy finishing qualification, though, as more than half the group has a shot at qualifying. It looks ugly, however, gamblers are betting on the 10-1 odds of qualification. In a neighboring country of course, gambling is illegal in Aquilla.Thats right, Aquillan gamblers were offering odds of 10-1 on the Aquillans to qualify, yet gambling was apparently illegal at the time. Shares in William Hill dropped signifcantly that day. That wasn't the most confusing thing though:

We tied 1-1 with Lanky Dude today. We should have done better. As a result we are number four in the rankings. While it could still turn around there is less hope every day. Therefore I am resigning as coach, and hope that someone better can do the job

-Aquillan soccer coach

Surely that should be signed 'Ex-Aquillan soccer coach'? Either way, Aquilla were in crisis, United Spaam were holding on for dear life and a certain two teams going by the names of Audioslavia and Timway were in the ascendancy. Both had the best teams on paper, both were on long winning streaks, and both were due to face each other in a huge match in Soundgardia. The world expected a great game, and they got one.

2 Points From World Cup
'slaves edge out Timway in the best match of the qualifiers

Lever beats the full back to the by-line, swings in a ball to the far post, and Bury volleys Audioslavia to within touching distance of World Cup 9. Timway falls to their knees, as the final whistle blows. Audioslavia 3, Timway 2.

Those actions capped off one of the most thrilling matches ever seen in Audioslavian turf. The match, played in Audioslavia and not Timway as our sports department stated twice, got off to an awful start as Timway controlled possession, showing the 'slave team just how good you have to be to earn a place in Football's top 5. The Timway side broke through on 20 minutes with an unstoppable shot from the Timway number 9.

Audioslavia tried to pull themselves back in the game, but Timway kept the attacks coming. Just before half-time they broke through the 'slave defence again but somehow placed the ball wide of the goalkeeper, a minute later they did the same again but Davis got a hand to it and pushed it onto the post, Audioslavia cleared, but the resulting corner only caused more trouble as Davis stumbled when he went to claim the cross, and the Timway number 9 rose and headed home... or so he thought, the linesman saw some kind of push in the box, and the 'slaves went into half-time just one goal adrift.

Both teams emerged from the tunnel with a couple of changes to the line-ups, but for the first ten minutes there seemed to be no difference as Timway again rallied, this time striking the bar from a nearpost header, and having another good shot cleared off the line. A breakthrough came on the hour however, as a mis-placed backpass from Branson let in a sole Timway striker, who duly blasted the Timwayans into a seemingly insumountable two-goal lead.

With half an hour left and a hopeless cause to fight for, the 'slaves went for it.

Just before the 70 minute mark Branson went about rectifying his earlier mistake, and beat two Timway defenders and hit the ball low and hard into the box, Bury stuck out a leg but could only deflect the ball upwards. But just as it looked like it was going out of play for a goal-kick, Dipper stormed into the box and dived to head the ball in at the far post. A scrambled goal but nonetheless, a goal. Willow plucked the ball from the net and sprinted back to the centre circle. All of a sudden, the boot was on the other foot.

The 'slaves stormed the Timway goal, seeing shot after shot and free-kick after free-kick shave the post or go over the bar. Then, with 10 minutes to go, Timway broke and charged down to the 'slave goal with four players to just one solitary defender. Jackson defended resolutely but a well-placed pass put the Timway number 10 through, and the nation held his breath as he dummied the goalkeeper out of his shorts, rounded him and chipped the ball towards the goal.......... missing it by inches. The home crowd sighed with relief and before they knew it, Davis had pumped the ball up back into the Timway half. The missed oppotunity hit Timway's confidence at a vital time and only served to spur the 'slaves on, and one minute of solid pressure produced one more goal, as a mis-hit shot by Willow fell to Bury, who sweeped the ball into the roof of the net for 2-2.

Five minutes left and the 'slaves kept up with the pressure, with Shearer and substitute Kann both going close, but in the dying seconds of injury time, with the match looking like a draw, Lever got the by-line and swung in a hard, high cross, which Bury met with such a vengence he almost bust a hole in the net. The Timway players fell to their knees as the final whistle blew. 3-2 in the Soundgardian national arena.

This has been Jeremy Jaffacake, g'nite bizatches

P W D L GF GA GD Pts E
Audioslavia 12 7 2 3 17 9 +8 23
East Spaam 12 7 1 4 15 14 +1 22
Aquilla 12 6 3 3 18 10 +8 21
Timway 12 5 4 3 22 15 +7 19
Spaam 12 5 4 3 14 12 +2 19
Lanky Dude 12 4 3 5 14 18 -4 15
Sensual Products 12 2 3 7 9 17 -8 9 X
Clearwater 12 1 2 9 9 24 -15 5 X

Audioslavia's six-game winning streak had taken them to the top of the table and on the verge of qualifying. Five points ahead of Timway and Spaam, who were due to play each other in the next game. If the two sides drew, then Audioslavia would be through with one game to spare, where just six games ago they were on the verge of an embarassing exit.

As it turned out, Audioslavia's winning streak would end against Aquilla, but Timway and Spaam could only manage a 1-1 draw, and the 'slaves were through. Audioslavia's qualification soap opera had ended, but for a couple of other teams, it was just beginning..

Spaamgate

Spaam defeated Audioslavia 1-0 on the final matchday. East Spaam won, and Timway and Aquilla combined to produce a 2-2 scoreline. It left the top part of the final standings looking like this:

P W D L GF GA GD Pts
East Spaam 14 9 1 4 18 15 3 28
Audioslavia 14 7 3 4 17 10 7 24
Aquilla 14 6 5 3 20 12 8 23
Spaam 14 6 5 3 16 13 3 23
Timway 14 5 6 3 25 18 7 21

Spaam and Timway, two of the group's top three teams in the initial rankings, were out. Or were they? Just hours after the final ball was kicked in group four, this press release arrived on the doorsteps of every newspaper in the world:

East Spaam Pull Out

Due to apparent financial difficulties, and despite winning their last
match and finishing top of their group, the officials of East Spaam have
announced that they are pulling out of the World Cup. Players are
understandably distressed at this news, but not totally suprised.

One thing that would come from this though, is that the other United
Spaam team, Spaam, would thus qualify. As a gesture of thanks,
Spaam football officials are planning a funding project for East Spaam
football starting after the World Cup.

The whole thing stank to high heaven. East Spaam, who had earned their right to compete in World Cup 9 by topping their group, were being thrown out by their colonial overlords to make way for the Spaamanian team who had been eliminated on goal difference. Needless to say, there was uproar. Spaam were found out, and both Spaam and East Spaam withdrew from the competition, to be replaced by One Red Dot after a small playoff competition of the cup's fourth placed sides.

Audioslavia had done what seemed impossible and qualified for the World Cup, but their time in Ravenspire was not to be fruitful. On the opening day The Belmore Family beat them in a close game by two goals to one, before a disappointing draw with Oglethorpia gave the 'slaves a mountain to climb on the final day. Needing a big win over Nikea to qualify, along with an Oglethorpia loss, the 'slaves could only manage a 1-0 victory and bowed out of the competition in third place. TBF and Oglethorpia also made early exits in the knockout stages, and Europa Britannia ended up as victors, winning the tournament thirty years after reaching two consecutive semi-finals in World Cups 2 and 3.

Whatever Happened to the Likely Lads?

Timway went on a slow decline after their failure to qualify, eventually ceasing to exist in World Cup 11.

East Spaam entered the next World Cup, but after successive failures to qualify, they too fell by the wayside.

Spaam are still going strong, and reached the final of the tournament in World Cup 15, but they too went into decline and have struggled in recent years. Only now, in World Cup 27, do they look like putting up a decent fight.

Lanky Dude fell from grace quite quickly, but not before getting The Greatest Result In The History of Football: Total 'n Utter Insanity 1, Lanky Dude 5. God bless you, lanky.

Clearwater remained underdogs throughout their tenure as a footballing nation, but nevertheless managed to qualify for a couple of cups along the way before ceasing twenty years after their wooden spoon in World Cup 9.

Sensual Products imploded in their own sexual suggestiveness, three minutes after the final game of World Cup 9.

I've been Jeremy Jaffacake, g'nite bitches.

Anathematic Republics

14-03-2006, 23:09

"WHAT THE BLOODY HELL DO YOU MEAN, WE'RE ALREADY HALFWAY THROUGH?"

Satan's roars were clearly audible across Hell, and Morseley, the former telephone operator who had been promoted to head of the Anathematic Republics football program, was blown right back out of the conference room he had just stepped into.

"WHY DIDN'T ANYONE TELL ME?"

Morseley picked himself up off the ground and walked back into the room.

"Well, I was going to come by and see if you wanted to watch the home opener, but the staff told me you'd grabbed a rocket launcher, two kegs of whiskey and a box of donuts, locked yourself in a conference room, and posted a sign saying 'Bugger off or I will rend you limb from limb.' So naturally I was a bit reluctant to press the matter."

"Oh, right. Damn Edgarrin James."

"Who?"

"Running back. Gridiron. You see, ten years ago this guy named Peyton Manning sold me his soul for NFL success, and part of that involves a good running back. Now I need to find someone to replace him for Indianapolis, or the deal's off."

Morseley was a bit foggy on American football. "Is OJ still out there? He does owe you a couple favors."

"Nope."

"Bother. So you're not coming to the match then?"

"Nope. Tell them to send up more whiskey. I ran out yesterday and this hangover is terrible."

"Right. Not that it matters or anything, but we're in third place."

"Ah. Does that mean this headache will go away?"

"Probably not."

"Then I don't care."

Morseley nodded, left the room, shut the door and replaced the sign, and went downstairs to see if he could find some whiskey.

New Montreal States

14-03-2006, 23:39

PALADINS IMPLIED IN CRICKET STOMPING

NMS gives out 3-1 lesson in natural selection as Atheistic Right cries foul

NEW MONTREAL - The Paladins closed out the first half of qualifiers with a 3-1 win over Darwin-based bottom dwellers Atheistic Right, but not without a little religious controversy of the type that seems to dog every Orthodox Christian nation that tries to play football during Lent.

A promenent sports-reporting organization in Atheistic Right accused NMS of being "fundamentalists," implicating them and the monastic nation of The Archregimancy in the murder of "Cricket," who was apparently the best player on the Atheistic Team. Now this newspaper would never engage in unfounded, damaging allegations that have nothing to do with the matter at hand, but has anyone else noticed that Atheistic Right and the Anathematic Republics have the same initials? That said, the coroner's report states that his olive oil in his salad had been replaced by peanut oil instead, and although we do, in fact, give up olive oil for Lent, we would never force this on anyone else, especially not someone who would then die from an allergic reaction.

Back to the action on the pitch. Gilles Villeneuve, playing in the third-to-last home match of this campaign (the Paladins will be nomads for the most part for the second half), wowed the home crowd 24 minutes in with a spectacular shot into the top of the net to put the Paladins up 1-0. Jaguar, of the AR, evened the match out at the 69th minute, further proof that these depraved people think about nothing but wild, lustful, carnal...never mind. But the Paladins, never ones to throw in the towel in front of a home crowd*, quickly battled back. Marc Tessier, in for the injured Phillip Yates in the midfield, made his case for retention of the position after Yates' return by scoring in the 76th minute. Charles Pilon picked up his second goal of the campaign in the 83rd minutes, and the Paladins simply camped out in their third for seven minutes, never giving the AR a chance to pick up a second goal.

*except, apparently, against Jeruselem. And Tadjikistan. But other than that, we'll fight you 'till the Anathematic Republics freeze over, and then we'll fight you on the ice.

PALADINS 3 - Villeneuve 24, Tessier 76, Pilon 83
ATHEISTIC RIGHT 1 - Jaguar 69

TOURNAMENT SCORING

Villeneuve 7
Labranche 2
Pilon 2
Tessier 2
Toussaint 2
Chan 1
Gordon 1

The Archregimancy

15-03-2006, 00:25

THE MONASTIC TIMES

ONEIROLOGISTS DENY INVOLVEMENT IN WORLD CUP CRISIS
"It was Solar Flares, Dammit!" Says Top Scientist

By Fr. Nicholas the Scribe

Leading oneirologists in the Holy Empire were tonight denying to both the Imperial Government and officials from the Archregimancy any involvement in the crisis that temporarily brought World Cup 27 to a halt.

"Look, it was solar flares, dammit! The Tynelians said so. I had nothing to do with it!" said leading Alasdairopolis academic, and Chair of Oneirology at the Imperial University, Professor Elloco Le Fou.

Nonetheless, concerns have been raised in both the Holy Empire and the Archregimancy that the recent confusion could have been caused by a leakage of the Dreamed Realm into Ordinary Physical Reality, itself the result of the recent decision to replace Archregimancy players with dream simulacra on Sundays and away matches to atheists, heathens and heretics this Lenten season.

"Like all modern technology, this 'dream simulacra' nonsense is potentially the work of Satan!" said leading St. Catherine's monk Fr. Ambrose the Primitive last night. "I demand a full investigation by both the Holy Synod of the Archregimancy and the Patriarch of Alasdairopolis of this tool of the Devil!"

Officials from SOFTEE (the Synodical Office for the Elimination of occult Evil) were, however, said to be unconcerned.

The Kazoo Peoples

15-03-2006, 03:47

FIRST HALF REVIEW
...
The Commerce Heights Award for Worst Surprise Team: The Kazoo Peoples (3-1-4, fourth place, Group 2).
Their record isn't so much the disappointment. The team were fortunate to advance to the World Cup finals in their first go, where they ran into three buzzsaws, including the then-number one ranked Stars. But the fact they fired Coach Manni Aka, who allegedly committed suicide, does not sit well with Sarzonian media.

What?!?!? Aka committing suicide? What is this you speak of?

We look back at our last report for more info...

Aka sealed his letter in an envelope. He marked it "URGENT." He took a ride in a taxi to the team hotel, placed the note on the desk in the room, and pulled out his 9-millimeter....
....socket wrench. "Made in Bazalonia," the label read.

Aka thought to himself, "flimsy piece of ****," and tossed it aside, the socket wrench falling apart into many pieces.

He addressed the envelope:

Socket Wrenched, Inc.
Consumer Complaints Department
150 Corporate Plaza
Bazalonia

To whom it may concern:

I recently purchased one of your socket wrenches for use at home and abroad. I unpacked the multiple attachments, trying the 9-millimeter one first, as I had to do some repairs on our team airplane (I like to fiddle around with our team jet: I am a coach, you see). But upon installing the attachment, I found that the attachment would not stay on the wrench. And, to my chagrin, none of the other attachments fit either!

I would like a full refund of the purchase price, and an explanation of how this occured. The product ID number is #593D-196, if that is of any assistance.

I look forward to your reply.

Sincerely,

Manni Aka

He had sealed this note in an envelope marked "URGENT." He didn't know if it would get through the corporation and the mail system any faster, but it was worth a shot.

[[OOC: If I were you, I would consider not reading this portion of my RP. This part ends once it passes another OOC comment, in red. If you thought the socket wrench was bad, it only gets worse. Don't say you haven't been warned.]]

It was late, and Manni was tired.

But now that he has been fired, he had to make true on a bet. It was a silly bet (but then again, he made it with the only crazy person in Kazoo City) and he was drunk when he made it, but he always kept to his word.

He picked up the hotel phone, dialed a few numbers, and listened to it ring.

"Hello?"

"Yeah, hi. Is this Donald McRonald?"

"Yes, it is."

"This is Head Coa-- wait, FORMER Head Coach of the national football team. And I have a promise to keep."

"Sir, I don't know what you are talking about."

"Do you remember that bet I made when we were in that bar?"

"Um, no."

"Can you meet me at Kazoo City Airport as soon as the team gets back?"

"Yeah. When are you getting back?"

"5:00 PM, tomorrow."

"Ooh. Can we make it 6? I have an appointment with a potted plant."

"Um, sure Donald, that'd be great."

He hung up the phone. Why was he going to follow through with that bet? He sighed, and began to make arrrangements with a local dairy...:

"Fromage du Brie, how can I help you?"

...

The plane ride was a grueling 17-hour trip from Nanakaland. And Aka had to wait another hour before Donald ended his appointment with the potted plant

6 crept by, then 6:30, then 7. Finally, at 7:14 (Manni knew the time exactly, as he had stared at this clock for the past two-plus hours), Donald bumbled up.

"Nice flight? Sorry I was late, but I was rooted in conversation. Get it? Rooted? As in the plant? Anyways, why did you want me to meet you here?"

"We made a bet that if I ever got fired, I would have to do something crazy."

"When was this?"

"Right after our Baptism of Fire Campaign before World Cup 26."

"I don't recall...."

"But, you will. Let's go to O'Malley's."

O'Malley's was the local pub in Kazoo City. It was an hour drive from the airport normally, but with the rush hour traffic, it took Donald and Manni two and a half hours to get back into the depths of downtown. Manni looked at his watch. It read 10:00.

They stepped into O'Malley's. The pub didn't seem to notice that the greatest coach in Kazoo history had just entered the bar.

"I've gotta be drunk if I'm going to do this, Donald."

"Um, okay."

"Bartender! Get me a pint of your stongest lager."

"Right away, sir. Donald, the regular?"

"Yeah."

It was at this moment that someone else entered the pub. They were dragging a huge cart behind them. Oddly enough, they were wearing a foam representation of a wedge of cheese.

"Mr. Aka?"

"Right here."

He signed for the delivery, and took the cart next to the bar, keeping the cover on.

Aka began to drink. By his second sip, he was as drunk as anyone else in the bar -- Aka wasn't a real heavy drinker, and it showed.

"Here we are, Donald! I bet you that if I ever got fired from the Head Coach position, I would eat an entire wheel of cheese!"

"Um, Coach? Are you feeling okay?"

"A bit tired, but besides that, I feel great!"

He took the knife, and began cutting the huge wheel of cheese, at least two feet in diameter.

[[OOC: If you have read this far, you are a very thorough reader. You get a gold star!]]
...

A crowd had started to gather about Coach. It was midnight, and as patrons of the pub were leaving, something caught their eye.

"Is that... an entire wheel of cheese?" they asked, focusing on the man snarfing down huge chunks of cheese.

By the time Aka was down to his last quarter of a wheel, it was 1:00, and the crowd was starting to cheer him on.

Aka could feel the burn in his lower intestine. It was painful, but he had to press on: he made a promise to one of his most dedicated fans, and with that in mind, he pressed on.

...

There was just one last piece of cheese left. It was 1:40. The crowd began to chant:

"EAT THAT CHEESE! EAT THAT CHEESE! EAT THAT CHEESE! EAT THAT CHEESE!..."

"This one is for everyone!" shouted Aka, dumping the cheese into his mouth.

He chewed it, swallowed it, and then... he fell to the ground.

"Someone call an ambulance!" screamed someone.

...

"We have some breaking news," blared the TV set. "We have just received word that Former Head Coach Manni Aka has been rushed to the hospital. We know nothing else."

...

It was morning.

"Sir, wake up. It's one o'clock," the nurse said.

"Where am I?" asked Aka.

"In the intensive care wing of the Kazoo Memorial Hospital. You had a rough night, I hear."

"Tell me about it. I ate a whole wheel of cheese."

"That's why you're here right now. You are suffering from blockkage of your gastrointestinal tract."

"In English, please."

"You're extremely constipated. A whole wheel of cheese is not something to eat in one sitting. Cheese is high in fat, and can block your lower intestine. At your age, the most cheese you should have eaten was a little slab no larger than your fist. We're treating you for this, and we hope to have you out by tomorrow morning."

"Hm."

...

"Aka has been replaced by Neil Kabants, coach of the Milchama side of World Cup 23," said the TV.

"That doesn't make any sense! He has a contract with Bazalonia!" Aka was outraged. He picked up the phone and called the Ministry of Sport.

...

After his conversation with the Ministry, he found that the reporter was misinformed. He had been replaced by Omer Kifor, coach of the Great Generals (of Milchama). Never had any great talent, he thought, but always had them challenging the top teams.

...

He was released from the hospital early the next day. He had heard that the Kazoos had drew with Tynelia earlier that day by a count of 1-1. He smiled. Maybe Omer Kifor would do a good job.

...

He went back to his apartment in one of the many high rises of Kazoo City.

He flipped through his mail, and found an odd letter sticking out. It was from the Ministry of Sport! Was this his final check? He opened it;

Dear Mr. Aka,

This letter is to inform you that you have been reinstated as the Head Coach of the Kazoo national side, as well as the Minister of Sport. We could not find any suitable replacement for you, and we want to offer your job back, no questions asked.

Please notify us if you have any questions.

Under that was the official Ministry seal. It had to be genuine!

He had better get packing! The next match was in Algal states! He hopped into his car and drove off to the airport, to meet up with his team once more.

He was greeted warmly by his players:

"We knew you'd be back, Coach."

He shoook hands, he was hugged. They all boarded the waiting plane, and embarked on their long flight to Algal states.

Aka decided to catch some shut-eye while on the plane -- it was a 14-hour flight.

He woke up, but in a hotel room. He went over to the telephone. It read: "Suites of Nanakaland." Was it only a dream?

[[OOC: If you skipped this entire section (smart move!), you should begin reading here.]]

A knock on the door suprised him.

"Coming," he said.

It was the front desk clerk.

"Someone dropped this off for you."

It was a letter. It was from the Ministry of Sport! Was this his final check? He opened it;

Dear Mr. Aka,

This letter is to inform you that you have been reinstated as the Head Coach of the Kazoo national side, as well as the Minister of Sport. We could not find any suitable replacement for you, and we want to offer your job back, no questions asked.

Please notify us if you have any questions.

Under that was the official Ministry seal. It had to be genuine!

He had to get packing. The next match was back at home, and he only had an hour to spare before the plane took off without him!

He quickly collected his belongings, and tossed the letter to Socket Wrenched, Inc. in mailbox as he ran out the door.

He made it to the airplane in time. What a day! He fell asleep, and slept through the 17-hour journey back to the mother country.

---

Kazoos draw Tynelia

It was a semi-interesting match. Despite being at home, the Kazoos could not manage a win against the almost-last-placed Tynelia side.

The draw may have been due to the fact of coaching instability of the Kazoos. Aka had been previously threatened of losing his job had he lost another two games in a row. The Ministry of Sport apparently couldn't find a suitable candidate for the job, and apparently allowed Aka to say on the job.

For the match summary, we head to Tynelia...:

The following is an excerpt from transcripts from the popular television show Tynelian Soccer Weekly. This has been edited for content.

The first score went the Kazoo People’s way as Chadd Johnson fired one past a diving Vladimar Malloy at the 26 minute mark. This marked the third straight game Malloy has given up a goal. Tynelia kept the pressure up, possibly inspired by their goal on Total n Utter Insanity their last game. The hustle paid off as Adrian Pytte got one past Jim Johnson at the 77th minute of the game. Both teams went back and forth at that point exchanging rushes to the net but both keepers slammed the door shut and the game ended in a tie. The game breakdown was as even as the score. The shots were tied at 17 apiece with the Kazoo People holding a 4-3 edge in quality shots. Time of possession was close with Tynelia on the short end of it by only a minute and a half.

---

Pos Team P W D L GF GA GD Pts
1 Bettia 8 7 1 0 27 10 17 22
2 Total n Utter Insanity 8 7 0 1 22 4 18 21
3 Nanakaland 8 6 0 2 14 12 2 18
4 The Kazoo Peoples 8 3 1 4 13 15 -2 10
5 Algal states 8 3 0 5 11 18 -7 9
6 Tynelia 8 2 2 4 7 9 -2 8
7 The Weegies 8 2 2 4 10 13 -3 8
8 Risa-Aramour 8 2 2 4 6 16 -10 8
9 The New Chakovnia 8 0 0 8 9 22 -13 0

We are now at the halfway point. We need to make up (somehow!) 8 points on the stampeding Nanakaland for ANY hope of qualifying. It is possible, but not probable for this to occur. Looks like we are headed for the Cup of Harmony! However, a second half miracle (similar to World Cup 26 qualifying) may land us in the Finals. We'll just have to wait and see.

We are off to Algal states next. This is a crucial game because this is essentially the battle for fourth. If the Kazoos were to win this one, and Nanakaland were to lose, the gap would be narrowed.

PROGRESS IN WORLD CUP 27 (3-1-5):
MD1: loss to Algal states 3-1, home
MD2: loss to Total n Utter Insanity 2-0, home
MD3: loss to Milchama (friendly) 4-2, home
MD4: win over The Weegies 2-1, away
MD5: win over Risa-Aramour 2-0, home
MD6: win over The New Chakovnia 2-0, away
MD7: loss to Bettia 4-3, away
MD8: loss to Nanakaland 3-2, away
MD9: draw with Tynelia 1-1, home
---
MD10: Algal states, away
MD11: Total n Utter Insanity, away
MD12: Lowland Clans, TBD (friendly)
MD13: The Weegies, home
MD14: Risa-Aramour, away
MD15: The New Chakovnia, home
MD16: Bettia, home
MD17: Nanakaland, home
MD18: Tynelia, away

Bedistan

15-03-2006, 05:48

Matchday 10 scores (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showthread.php?p=10578187#post10578187) are now available.

Qazox

15-03-2006, 06:06

QAZOX CITY HERALD

As we all know, the Noveen Conjunction Happened the other day, there by postponing the WC Cup due to the abnormal occurances that happen during such an event. Most notably the entire nation of Hiiraan, excepting its football team, disappeared from the face of the universe. The Athestic Right's new head coach Cricket, died making 2 coaches dead with 2 years for that squad and the entire Sim-World Cup being wiped out due to a computer virus.

The only notable 'weird' thing to happen to Qazox and the rest of the Q Continuum, was the calendar being reset to 1900, but nothing else notably strange happened in the Continuum. Qazox will still host Elrich in the World Cup Qualifier, but he time has changed to 1:00 pm, due to power outtages in Rockport. The problem should be fixed soon, but not in enough time for the qualifing match.

SPECIAL WORLD CUP UPDATE

This just in: Qazox has beaten Elrich 1-0. Francis Alouette scored the only goal of the match in the 45th minute, just before the half time whistle blew. Alouette, the star striker of Fromburg Aston, received a long cross-pass from Dylan Greene and placed it just to the right of Gordon Burns, Elrich's World Class keep. Elrich's Jamie Mudge had three great chances to score in the 2nd half, but Hiram Joachim, subbing for a tired John Frorr, stopped all chances preserving the shut out, Qazox's second of the Qualifing.
The match was played at Rockport Field at Harborside, Rockport: Attendence: 71,590.

Here's the rest of today's scores and the Group standings:
Note From now on the Top 2 qualifiers are in Bold, and the 3rd place playoff qualifier will be in italics.
GROUP THREE
Valertinette 2-7 Vilita
Dorian and Sonya 1-3 Milchama
Qazox 1-0 Elrich
Hiiraan 0-1 Tanah Burung

Pos Team P W D L GF GA GD Pts
1 Vilita 9 7 1 1 27 8 19 22
2 Eauz 8 7 0 1 28 2 26 21
3 Qazox 9 4 1 4 11 11 0 13
4 Milchama 9 4 1 4 15 19 -4 13
5 Tanah Burung 9 4 0 5 11 13 -2 12
6 Elrich 9 3 1 5 10 18 -8 10
7 Hiiraan 9 2 3 4 6 10 -4 9
8 Dorian and Sonya 9 2 2 5 8 20 -12 8
9 Valertinette 9 2 1 6 6 21 -15 7

The Archregimancy

15-03-2006, 06:28

THE ARCHREGIMANCY BRINGS YOU

WORLD CUP TONIGHT

With Fr. Nicholas the Scribe and Fr. John the Golden-Throated

"So... Fr. John.... any new crises? Any new dramas this world cup?"

"Not that I know of, Fr. Nicholas. Following up from the last scandal round-up, Rejistania seem to have forgotten all about me, Swilatia have publicly apologised - and we apologised right back at 'em - and Our Orthodox Friends (tm) in New Montreal States have already pointed out that 'Atheistic Right' and 'Anathematic Republics' have the same initials. Enough said."

"And what about this so-called solar flare?"

"I KNOW NOTHING!!!!! NOTHING I TELL YOU!!!! WE HAD NOTHING TO DO WITH IT!!!! NO LEAKING OF DREAMED REALM TECHNOLOGY I TELL YOU!!!! NOTHING!!!!! NOTHING AT ALL!!!!!:

"Erm, no need to shout, Fr. John."

"Sorry, Fr. Nicholas"

"And wasn't there a football match overnight?"

"I suppose there was.... It had our lads playing away to Popolus, using Dream Simulacra rather than the real players.

But the match was sooooo dull. Wouldn't you rather hear about today's saints?"

"I'm always interested in the enlightenment brought about by the lives of the saints, but this is a football show, Fr. John"

"Oh never mind the football....

March 15th.... The Holy Martyrs Agapius, Publius, Timolaus, Romulus, Alexander, Alexander, Dionysius and Dionysius suffered under the emperor Diocletian (284-305) in the city of Palestinian Caesarea. During one of the pagan festivals they began to torture and execute Christians who refused to offer sacrifice to idols.

The Martyr Timolaus (August 19) was sentenced to burning, and the Martyrs Agapius and Thekla (August 19) were sentenced to be torn apart by wild beasts. A group of young Christians: Publius, Timolaus, Alexander, another Alexander, Dionysius, and Romulus, the subdeacon of the Diospolis church decided to confess their faith and suffer for Christ.

As a sign of their voluntary deed they tied their own hands behind their backs and appeared before the governor Urbanus. Seeing their youth, the governor tried to persuade them to reconsider their decision, but in vain. He then threw them in prison, where there were already two Christians, Agapius and his servant Dionysius. All these saints were subjected to terrible tortures and beheaded."

"Erm, thank you, Fr. John, but this is a football show. People expect us to talk about football. In a religious context, yes, but they still want us to talk about football. And the martyrdom of saints Agapius, Publius, Timolaus, Romulus, Alexander, Alexander, Dionysius and Dionysius - uplifting though it undoubtedly is - bears no relation to football."

"Oh alright then, Fr. Nicholas. Thearchregimancydefeatedpopolus2-1throughgoalsfromfathersilouanandfrdavidbeforepopoluspulledalateoneback. There you go, a complete match report."

"Are you sure you're alright Fr. John?"

"Of course I am. I'm just a bit light-headed because of my fast. This Lent I'm eating nothing but mushrooms!"

"And what's this brightly-coloured red-spotted mushroom I see in your basket? It's not the Lesser Slavic Spotted Psycho 'Shroom is it?"

"That nice and tasty one, Fr. Nicholas? Of course not. It's just a normal, happy mushroom. He talks to me. He wants to be my friend. I call him Vladimir. What's that you said Vladimir? Your favourite saint is St. Polycarp of Smyrna? Me too!"

"Right.... This is Fr. Nicholas the Scribe saying goodnight! Join us tomorrow night for another exciting edition of World Cup Tonight following our match away to Rejistania - and let's hope Fr. John will have read this copy of 'A Field Guide to Edible Archregimancy Mushrooms' I'm giving him this evening as a special Lenten gift....."

Green wombat

15-03-2006, 06:49

GREEN WOMBAT DAILY NEWS

Things started out different today in Green Wombat as it was January 1st, 1900 all over again, due to the Noveen Conjunction. The Noveen Conjunction is a once-in-a 10,000 years happenstance as all Nine planets of the Sol plentary system align, therefore wreaking havok thought the known universe. The last time this conjunction happened was back when Atlantis was the greatest known civiliztion in the Sol System. The conjunction caused the City of Atlantis to sink beneath with waves and due to somebody from the Q continuum interfering,(Probably some Ox-Worshiping Hick from Qazox), the "human race" received a reboot. This time how ever only lost country of Hiiraan was destroyed and all the calendars in the Q Continuum were reset to 1900. But on to other things.

Green Wombat's soccer team broke it's 5 match winless streak with a 2-1 win over Andossa Se Mitrin Vega, avenging its Matchday 1 loss. The first goal of the match ASMV scored in the 15th minute as Porche Alexander blasted a rocket past CpL Holmes. Holmes,making his 1st start in qualifing did well limiting the ASMV attack to only that one goal depite facing 15 shots on goal.

Green wombat tied the match up at 1-1 as SSgt. Wilcox scored off a PenaltyKick in the 58th minute as ASMV's defender Allyson Shade inadvertently touched the ball in the penalty area. Shade protested the call and recieved a Yellow card for arguing. In the 83rd minute, a strong counter-attack by ASMV was de-railed as Warrent Officer Grade 4 Tina June intercepted a short pass and ran down field nicking the inside left post for the match winner.

Green Wombat is now only 5 points out of the 3rd playoff sport as Tadjikistan was off today. The Fighing Wombats will head to 9th place Becquerelia, a team Green wombat has never lost to nor allowed to score upon them. A win there will help any chances left for the squad to qualify of the World Cup Proper.

Dorian and Sonya

15-03-2006, 07:25

Mystical Unicorns No Match for Warriors

Queen Sonya looked down at her dejected Mystical Unicorns following a 3-1 loss to the Warriors of Milchama. Hope had been that a return home would inspire a return to the form that had flashed at times in the first half of qualifying - Including a draw away at the home of these same Warriors.

Unfortunately that was not to happen. Milchama came to prove a point that they were much better than the first result showed. And that is precisely what they did. In fact if not for a late goal from Altáriël Telperiën, the Milchaman keeper would have recorded a clean sheet.

It seemed to everyone in Elanesse Tulcokelume that the girls were more than a bit weary from all the travel of the first 8 matches. Add to that the welcome home celebrations and the sheer joy of seeing friends and family, and it did not add up for a good result in this match. But there was really little to complain about. After all Milchama was ranked 167 places above the Unicorns. No reason to hang heads low. Expect the Unicorns to keep their heads up as they once again board a plane - This time for Tanah Burung. Perhaps they could pull the series sweep of these guys.

After that the girls would return home for a 3 match stretch.

Andossa Se Mitrin Vega

15-03-2006, 07:26

Ref Blamed For Loss To Fighting Wombats

This is Kellan Kildan of the ASMV Football News Network

The Sea Dragons began the second half of the long qualification today in Green Wombat. And after 90 minutes it was apparent that the squad had not put the habit of losing to inferior competition behind them completely yet. But this loss was surrounded by controversy.

Before the match began, the referees called aside several ASMV players and warned them about the physical style the squad was known for. Home town officiating - ain’t it great. But those warnings did little to derail the Sea Dragons, and in the 15th minute Porche Alexander let go a shot that the Wombat media called a rocket. No chance for Cpl Holmes to stop that one and ASMV led 1-0. And that was the story of the first half.

It was the second half that brought the controversy. Here is the quote from the Wombat media:

“Green wombat tied the match up at 1-1 as SSgt. Wilcox scored off a Penalty Kick in the 58th minute as ASMV's defender Allyson Shade inadvertently touched the ball in the penalty area. Shade protested the call and received a Yellow card for arguing”

Now we take serious issue with the decision of the official. The normally mild-mannered Allyson Shade simply remarked that the ref needed to clean the Wombat feces from his glasses. Nothing serious enough to warrant a yellow card. Really. Add to that the blatant foul committed by Warrant Officer Grade 4 Tina June (that the ref seemed not to notice) as she stole the ball and subsequently scored, and it was one very angry Sea Dragon squad on the plane back to Andossa Se Mitrin Vega.

Next the Sea Dragons host Emperor Pudu. The first meeting draw and the result in Green Wombat should have the squad ready to look for blood……Err Uh I mean play a nice and friendly match.

Praying2God

15-03-2006, 07:54

WARRIORS WIN IS NIGHTMARE FOR DREAM TEAM

The Praying2God Warriors rematch with The Footie Dream Team produced a record road victory for the Warriors. The 5-0 Warriors victory set the Warriors record for the largest margain of victory on the road, and tied the the overall record set three matches ago in the House of Prayer against The Archregimancy. The Warriors jumped to a 3-0 halftime lead behind goals from Alissa Madison on a cross from Kylie Holly in the 8th minute, Ashley Gore on a backpass to the top of the box from Kelly Carter in the 26th minute, and Thomas Larson on a pretty entry pass from Brittany Law in the 40th minute. The Warriors again emptied their bench at halftime, with Thomas and Sarah Larson, as well as Ashley Gore were replaced by Amy Elder, Susan Walker, and Sarah Toliver respectively. The Warriors didn't waste any time putting the match completely out of reach, as Haley Erickson scored her first career goal off a corner taken by Christine Holly in the 48th minute. Amy Elder finished the scoring in the 53rd minute, as she took a pass from Sarah Toliver on a three-on-one and drove the ball into the bottom right corner of the net. After the fifth goal, the home fans started booing TFDT, and the Warriors decided to be sympathetic and play everybody back and not run-up the score any further. With two five goal wins in the last four matches, the bye comes at a horrible time for the Warriors. The Warriors will face Rordia, the last team that poses a serious threat to the Warriors earning a qualifying position on the road in their first match after the bye, which could have Rordia breathing a sigh of relief.

Apologetic Kittens

15-03-2006, 10:46

The Kittens now find themselves third from bottom. Not where they want to be but certainly an improvement. The shock, however, arises from the fact that the Apologetic Kittens still haven't won a single game. Six draws from nine matches, and the fans are beginning to feel there may be more to the situation than just poor form.

This record shows that an incredible two thirds of the Kittens matches have been drawn. These draws against team ranked higher and lower than themselves. Even most of the newly-baptised nations have picked up at least one victory.

The players themselves deny such claims of foul play, claiming they're playing to the best of their ability but seem unable to kill teams off even on the rare occasions when they're the superior side.

Team captain Lee Roberts commented "We push and push against the smaller teams, but nothing ever comes from it. If we take the lead, they equalise. Now we just have to concentrate on picking up a win, and then the Cup of Harmony, because this competition is all but over for us"

New Preussen

15-03-2006, 12:08

'Preussiche Welle English Language Service World Cup coverage continues...
\

............................................................................................

New Preussen Wirbelsturm, High Hopes and Dashed Dreamsin Kingdom's first World Cup competition..

Summary of team's performance in it's first 6 match days by Wirbelsturm ( New Preussen national team( manager.

New Preussen's first World Cup team ended it's 6th match day with 2 wins and 4 losses, the 2 wins were against two of the best teams in Group 6.

In some ways the team's uneven performance mirrored it's experiences in the Baptism of Fire where it secured a major upset with a victory against Spaamian Plijous, a much larger nation with a far longer record in soccer.

In WC27 Rejistana was favored by many to win Group 6. but what was defeated 1-0 by New Preussen in a major upset.

favorably seeded. Bazelonia was defeated by Wirbelsturm in the fist match of the series. Thankfully their player Peter Hobble showed no signs of the 'lycanthropy' he is alleged to be afflicted with..

Television ratings were quite high for all games, Those played during the afternoon even beat out the popular soap opera imported from New Yavin ' "Why doesn't the German speaking man understand what Women Want", by the way voted one of the stupidest show still on TV.

Wirbelsturm's manager Uwe Blab was quoted as saying
' And we thought Haraki's team having men and women on it was unusual. Lycanthropes, and one group has a bunch of Giant sentient vegetable players.....Okra , No wait. Zucchini.
Pity we didn't face off against a team of cabbages, we could have made sauerkraut out of 'em. . ' Faced with concerned looks form some of the foreign press. Blab quickly added
' I'm joking, just joking. We'd all heard the tall tales from other Heartlanders like Liverpool England and Spaam, but what we've seen to be reality here would never be accepted by an editor of fiction at home. It's just too fantastic. I believe the Liverpudlians call it 'culture' shock'.

Blab conceded that ongoing changes to the lineup have not solved the problems that plagued Wirbelsturm in the BoF.

" All I can say is that luring Hans and Franz Katzen from Eintracht Charlottenburg. didn't make nearly the difference we had hoped. Like so many of our players, they have enormous potential , but are not experienced enough to make the most of it yet.

Sure, they can 'pump you up' with that Ab-Obliterator of theirs,
Thanks to those infomercials they're probably the best known athletes in the Kingdom. but they are still learning. The stories about "Abs of Steel, Heads of Stone" were over the top. These two young men have much promise. but clearly the transition between the different sports is taking longer than expected. They made all the difference in the wake of the Charlottenburg quake a while back. leading Eintracht to a decisive victory against the top domestic club just weeks after the disaster struck Charlottenburg. Eintracht insisted it would host the previously scheduled game if the stadium would be safe to use. They did, and the spirit those players showed will serve this team well in days to come. "

' I also want to put to rest any rumors that we might be considering Hypocria's advertisement. Not because we couldn't afford their fee. but because we will succeed or fail on or our own efforts. Besides, it's too late for anything like that to make a difference.

The loss against Popolus might have easily gone either way . They managed an early goal but the defense was able to black all other attempts until the last few minutes in the final period. Unfortunately, our own offense couldn't get a goal despite several promising attempts. It was a grueling defensive battle.

What was truly devastating was the loss by five points to the Archregoimancy. After the upset against Rejistania we though we stood a better chance, especially given how the Archregimancy viewed the Rejistania team as a threat on the field and theologically inferior.

we were all a bit puzzled with this series of games At times it seems some of these teams regard the matches as part of a holy war rather than a sport. Though I take issue with our lads being equated with slow moving Tectonic knights. I can't argue that we were soundly thrashed in that match with the Archregimancy.

After the latest press stories about their high tech manipulation of games during the Lenten period . we will be watching to see the results of any official inquiry. If we understnad corrctly, there are players being replaced for the match by a ..simulcra?
A simulant? This is football, not some knock off version of Bladerunner!. Things like steroid use pale in comparison to the petential for abuse this might cause.

. I am shocked, yes shocked that such seemingly high minded swells would even consider such a thing. After all, many Catholic and Protestant players in our domestic leagues and our national team observe Lent, and give up things of importance for it. but their participation in matches is a -duty . Strangely Prussians have found it possible to balance our spiritual and secular commitments without resorting to cloud-cuckoo land contraptions. We may not do as well in the rankings, but we adhere strictly to the rules, and would never consider opening such a Pandora's box to improve our standing.

Though such technology -could- have military application s... er, um, where was I?

Losing our best striker to an ankle sprain did not help. . Herman 'the Herminator' Maurer. The doctors won't say if he will be able to play before the qualifying Round ends, but the doctors and Herman are doing everything they can to heal it quickly.

The game versus Swilaitia helped show the big losses are not the norm. Most of our games are hard fought. I Ironically both their goalkeeper and ours fared poorly in that game.

We are going to have to pace ourselves. in the last period our defense clearly was tiring. and it cost us the match.

This is New Preussen's first World Cup. and it shall not be our last. We intend to keep at it until eliminated, and return to do better next time . We never entertained hopes of wining the cup itself. though we obviously hope to improve our standings before we're through this year. We finished 14th in the BoF. and of the Bof teams in the Cup qualifying rounds, we rank 14th or so I believe overall of BoF and World cup rookies we rank 18.

A solid middle of the pack performance which we hope to improve on. Sadly we have sunk to seventh rank in Group 6 despite our solid showing against some highly ranked teams. I remain convinced that even if we go no further in this round, have gained valuable experience against some very talented players that will stand us well in future Cup of Harmony or World Cup competition. '"

Mr. Blab dismissd his mention of military application as just 'an idle thought' but remaine strongly opposed to anything but real sentient in the World Cup.

More coverage later, but just ahead is a bulletin of the latest news.

Jeruselem

15-03-2006, 12:58

Jeruselem Government News

Top seeds rest while kiddie play

Jeruselem had the bye, but the team are still working on making the Group stage so don't worry about that.

New Montreal States has temporarily taken top spot from Jeruselem as the Paladins defeated Kirstiriera 2-1 to take their record to 7-0-2. One point ahead but the Paladins get bye next.

Druida won a game! CR Oscilloscopes fell to the once mighty Druida 2-0 and well, it is a form reveral or just something to annoy Druida fans?

Cuation should have beaten Atheistic Right but went home with 2 ALL draw. A win would have put them on 19 points, but it was not to happen. Still, they look good on 17 points.

Collonie had an issue with An Anarchy, but still beat them 1-0. They gained ground as Cuation had drawn to come within 3 points, and the race for 3rd is still open here.

As we see it, only 4th and 5th have a chance of catching the top 3. The others from current form have not the goal scoring prowess or defensive ability to make up for lost time.

GROUP ONE
Kirstiriera 1-2 New Montreal States
CR Oscilloscopes 0-2 Druida
Atheistic Right 2-2 Cuation
An Archy 0-1 Collonie

Pos Team P W D L GF GA GD Pts
1 New Montreal States 9 7 0 2 19 9 10 21
2 Jeruselem 8 6 2 0 23 5 18 20
3 Cuation 9 5 2 2 14 10 4 17
4 Collonie 9 4 2 3 13 13 0 14
5 CR Oscilloscopes 9 3 1 5 5 14 -9 10
6 Druida 9 2 3 4 8 12 -4 9
7 An Archy 9 2 3 4 7 13 -6 9
8 Kirstiriera 9 2 2 5 11 16 -5 8
9 Atheistic Right 9 0 3 6 8 16 -8 3

GROUP NINE

Audioslavia didn't win a game ... because it was their bye. 3 draws in this group except for Chicanada's 1-0 win over Pedriana. It was good for Chicanada as everyone else including Nedalia had draws. Nedalia had the "best" draw as Berner Street took them on and it ended on 4 ALL.

The Lions are still 5th but can take 3rd if they start winning. These draws are no use at this end of the qualifying stage.

Ocmeoub 2-2 Commerce Heights
Berner Street 4-4 Nedalia
Pedriana 0-1 Chicanada
Kelse 3-3 Ariddia

GROUP TEN

Hockey Canada slipped to 2nd because of their bye. Casari did enough on the day to take top spot by beating Magnus Valerius 1-0. KP are back? Yes, another win for KP over Crna Gora Liv Eng, so they are recovering from bad start. The other games were 1 ALL draws ... lovely things.

Magnus Valerius 0-1 Casari
Crna Gora Liv Eng 1-2 Kaze Progressa
Imperial Moose 1-1 Harlesburg
McPsychoville 1-1 Majeristan

Swilatia

15-03-2006, 13:26

http://img48.imageshack.us/img48/2724/sbc22la.gif
Looks like we won against Bazalona even though we had less chance to do this this time around because it was an away match, and Bazalonia was training for this match then their first match against us, which was a mere 1 to 1 draw.

However we do not have any chance of qualifying now, as we did get any higher rank after winning today, were still on 5th, and only the top 3 nations will qualify.

Actually we can qualify. Todays match is against Popolus, which is the worst team in the whole group. we will beat them. and also there are a lot of other weak teams in this whole cup. We are likely to also beat new Pruessen, Popolus, The Footie Dream Team, which should be called the Footie Nightmare Team because they never won a match. We also have some chance against Rordia.

Your kidding me. we do not have a chance of beating rordia or qualifying for this.

(sarcastically) Yeah right, George.
WCTracker
Key: Wins Losses Draws Byes
MD1 - Swilatia vs Bazalonia, 1-1, Rank 4
MD2 - Swilatia at Popolus, 3-0, Rank 3
MD3 - Swilatia at Rejistania, 0-4, Rank 5
MD4 - Swilatia vs The Archregimancy, 1-1, Rank 6
MD5 - Bye, Rank 7
MD6 - Swilatia at New Preussen, 2-1, Rank 4
MD7 - Swilatia vs The Footie Dream Team, 2-2, Rank 5
MD8 - Swilatia vs Praying2God, 0-2, Rank 5
MD9 - Swilatia at Rordia, 1-3, Rank 5
MD10 - Swilatia at Bazalonia, 2-0, Rank 5
MD11 - Swilatia vs Popolus

Boudra-Boudra

15-03-2006, 13:49

http://www.nationstates.net/images/flags/uploads/boudra-boudra.jpg

Gunfi-Pok Releases Lineup for Friendly against Schiavonia!

Linus Gunfi-Pok, the head coach of the Boudra-Boudra national team has released the lineup for the upcoming friendly match away to Schiavonia.

Goalkeeper:
- Guido Smith

Defenders:
- Hanz Buyakasha (captain, central)
- Dia Dzigbode (right)
- Rintje Jacobus-Fredriksson (left)

Midfielders:
- Torsten Oppt-Sjlook (central, offensive)
- Bernardino Maria Eduardo Garcia de la Col Delgado (right wing)
- Rikke Gallucio (central, defensive)
- Nikolajs Gelders (left wing)
- Njjik Rahlii (central, defensive)

Forwards:
- Sosimo Bradkorb (left)
- Jarno Karvi (right)

Reserves:
- Flip Vandecasteele (Gk)
- Samuel-Fred Van Overstraeten (Def)
- Simon Samuelsson (Def)
- Geert Boudra (Mid)
- Andris Zdelizj (For)

Coach Gunfi-Pok added: "We will be going for a defensive 3-5-2 as to control as much of the ball as we can. Hopefully we can set a good result which will inspire us to become a good team towards the future"

Tadjikistan

15-03-2006, 14:42

Sharipov fired!
By Simon Grinchik, part time sportsjournalist

Tomislav Belanov and Georgi Shpagin opened the gates to hell yesterday as they presented their evaluation of the Tadjik national side. The whole nation was in turmoil as these two 'officials' spoke of 'General loser and the troublemakers'.

Coach Khumdin Sharipov came out of the shadows yesterday evening and defended his performance by saying 'Is it my fault the players are stubborn assholes? I had no trouble doing well with Tadjik clubs in our own league, maybe its because they make more money there. Maybe some of these players are just here because their manager asked them'. Sharipovs outburst was countered by several players within the national team and condemned his response.

Daniel Gurchev, Tadjik goalkeeper and oldest player on the team took his responsibility and defended his comrades 'I admit that there are some bad elements in our team, but the majority are reliable players for whom the national team is considered an honour. The guys did their best, there is nothing they should be ashame of. But by blaming them, Sharipov indirectly announces that he no longer wants to be our coach. As to the question whether Sharipov sucks, I can only answer with a quote from Napoleon "There are no bad soldiers, only bad officers".

When the president of the Federation, Michael Frunze, heard Sharipovs rant he was quick to contact the national coach and call for a pressconference the day after. Frunze wasted no time and announced that the Belanov and Shpagin would get what they asked for: 'Mr Sharipovs public statement about the players has forced us to reconsider our cooperation with him. How can our players do their job if they have a coach who does not trust them? Mr Khumdin Sharipov will no longer lead the Tadjikistan Tigers.' Frunze's solution created a new problem, Who would replace him? Can the Federation find a replacement before the next match? Before he came to the conference Frunze had already made some arrangements to get rid of those problems too 'Michael Pliiev has agreed to become player-coach for a couple matches until we've found a good replacement. That is all thank you'

Belanov and Shpagin have succeeded in getting rid of Sharipov, but not the problems of the team. While Pliiev is a respected and experienced player, he has to stay in shape and train his demoralized buddies. Can he make the Tigers win again? Matchday 11 brings the answer.

Tynelia

15-03-2006, 15:16

“In the words of soccer experts around the world one unified shout can be heard. ‘WTF?!?!?’ was sounded off everywhere when people learned in what was possibly the most improbable of all events in World Cup history. Bettia, a team that won all but one drawn game in the first half, was tied by New Chazovnia, yes New Chazovnia, the only team to fail to register a single point in the first half. The game was a shootout and ended up 3-3. This is Tynelian Soccer Weekly and I’m Sal Spikeman along with Anna Dalespin. So what the hell happened Anna?”

“Well first I’d like to dismiss the popular rumor that the recent solar flare activity opened a hole in the space/time continuum where a mirror New Chazovnia team which was no doubt a defending World Cup champion switched places with the regular team and stunned heavily favored Bettia. No Sal, this is just an example of what happens when a tired team meets a fresh one. Due to the delays between matches nine and ten New Chazovnia actually had two days to prepare for this one while a tired Bettia team was no doubt looking to their next match bye for a bit of needed rest. As it stands, the draw didn’t really change anything. With Total n Utter Insanity off, Bettia was in no danger of losing its hold on first place this match. Now with time to rest they’ll still be in no worse than a tie as Nanakaland and Total n Utter Insanity play each other.”

“That might be true Anna but…wow. Someone brave enough to bet on New Chazovnia is very rich right about now. In the rest of the action the seeds mostly held up. Nanakaland continued its surprising run with a 2-0 win over Tynelia’s next opponent Risa-Aramour. That puts them in a tie with Total n Utter Insaity for second though Nanakaland has played one more game. The Kazoo people made absolutely certain there would be no repeat upset by crushing the Algal States 5-0. As for our team? The homefield advantage paid off somewhat as Tynelia held on for a 1-1 tie against the Weegies after an opening round 1-0 defeat. This tie moves Tynelia to fifth place by a one goal differential over the Weegies and by a lot of goals on the falling Algal States. Tynelia will be watching when those two play each other next very closely. What do you think about today’s action Anna?”

“Well Sal, this is Tynelia’s second straight tie against a higher seeded team which is very encouraging for the program. I know some people hoped for the upset at home but despite a slow tournament so far the Weegies are ranked much higher than Tynelia so any point they can take is a positive sign. Now with winnable games against Risa-Aramour and New Chazovnia up ahead Tynelia hopes to be able to take both and put some distance between a few teams in this logjam between the 5th and 8th place teams. The team looks to be playing at the confidence level they showed during the Baptism of Fire and may have a good second half if they can keep up this level of play. After the game Coach Marcus O’Meara had said that while advancing is pretty much out of reach he thinks his team has a chance to steal the 4th place spot with a bit of a break here and there. As they trail the Kazoo People by four points at the moment this will take a bit of doing as well. However they must win their next two for that to have any chance of realism.”

“Ok Anna and I think you’re right. A fourth place finish in the group would be outperforming their seed by two. In fact even a fifth place finish would be a fine effort. Risa-Aramour and the Algal States seem to be falling off the pace slightly so they’re time in the mix might not last much longer. It’s interesting to note that since their bye week Tynelis has now gone 1-2-1 only losing to the top seed Total n Utter Insanity. While its too little too late as far as qualifying goes they do seem to be a legitimate concern to the teams trying for fourth.”

“Now as for today’s game Tynelia went back to its BoF old school style of play. They took the lead in the 46th minute of play on a score from Troy Wallace, his fourth of the tournament and then tried to hold on. Unfortunately at the 79th minute the Weegies came back to finally tie the game after a few good rushes at the mid point of the second half. Both teams grew cautious after that and neither really had any scoring chances after that. Tynelia took the shots edge today by a 16-14 margin though the quality shots were tied at four each. Time of possession also went Tynelia’s way by three minutes but did not translate to a win. All in all a good effort today I would say.”

“True to a point Sal, Tynelia is getting points but seem to be falling to their BoF form of one goal and pray it holds up. That might work there but what was 1-0 wins there are 1-1 ties at best here. Still at least they’re putting the ball in the net finally. Being shutout in four of your first five games doesn’t do much for anyone’s confidence. Still they’ve played much better since the break. Wallace and Masterson are putting the ball in the net now and Pytte and Collins have chipped in on occasion. It will be interesting to see what Coach O’Meara does with his lineup the next couple of games. Ideally these would be good times to rest some people before the Bettia game. However the extra day off from the world wide power failures is almost like an extra bye.”

“There is that Anna. So do you think Tynelia will pull out these next two games. That would put them at 15 points if they do and if the Kazoo people lose one of their next two that puts Tynelia right on their heels for fourth.”

“Let’s not get too far ahead of ourselves here Sal. Risa-Aramour took us to a scoreless draw when we visited their stadiums and they are very solid defensively though the big guns handled them fairly easily. I think playing at home will be a big difference. The fans are back behind the team again after some good efforts showing that they are not about to lie down as was feared at first. Tynelia is also on a mini run and having played two of the better teams in the group to back to back draws I think the team is ready to take advantage of the fact they’ll be playing someone ranked lower than them. So yes Sal, it will be a low scoring game, probably 1-0 but I think Tynelia will pull it out.”

“Thanks Anna. Well normally at this time we’d go to the lovely Harmonie Harris for the weather report for the next game but it seems she heard that Jay Masterson was going to be at a magazine signing and called in sick to be there. So in short it looks like an overcast day at kickoff with a chance of showers during the game. People might get a bit dirty on the field but they’ve all played in bad conditions before so this shouldn’t effect either side.”

“And so until next time, this is Sal Spikeman along with Anna Dalespin for Tynelian Soccer Weekly wishing everyone a good night and reminding everyone that the hit show Tynelian Idol- where people willingly cover themselves in clay in the hopes of winning big money with their amazing pottery designs will return as scheldued next week. Instead the Tynelia/Risa-Aramour game will be shown in its entirety.

Cataduanes

15-03-2006, 15:17

Islanders fail to shine

The loss of Chavicano in midfield was a major blow that was made obvious by the lack of bite from Cataduanes during last nights match, despite taking an early lead in the 15th minute by Macalinao the homeside, Nebeleux, profited from numerous mistakes and in the start of the second half they equalized through a set piece. The Islanders began to fall apart and were forced on the defensive, however Nebeleux's perserverance led to numoerous forays forward and in the 85th minute Echevaerria conceded a penalty after brning down Nebeleux's numer 10 in the box, the penalty was duly converted and the the match finished 2-1 to Nebeleux. This defeat has dented the Islanders bid to get up the table and face Crystalikere in the next fixture.

In particular Chavicano's stand in, Maurizio Envigado, failed to perform well and was responsible for many passing errors, the youngster, Butch Lim, looks set to replace him in the next match.

Schiavonia

15-03-2006, 16:05

The Schiavone Scribe
Sloths in most points shocker!
San Adriano 0-1 Schiavonia

After another victory, this time away to little San Adriano, our beloved Sloths have now scored 25 points, which is the most points out of everyone in World Cup 27 Qualilifying! Absolutely EVERYONE!!!

OK, so all the top-ranked sides have played a game less than our boys, and when we play Boudra-Boudra in a friendly game next matchday, we'll probably be overtaken again by Sarzonia, Liverpool England and Sarzonia, but it's a nice feeling to have, isn't it.

Even so, Schiavonia made hard work of San Adriano, after only reaching the ground with a matter of minutes to spare before kick-off. Wiuth no warm-up, the Sloths looked very sloth-like. Indeed, Craig McAndrew didn't even make it onto the pitch, falling off the team coach as they hurried into the stadium.

It was clear that Schiavonia's will to win had all but gone after their long coach journey, but at least some players got a warm-up - the substitutes.

And so it was that it was one of the substitutes who scored the winner late on, as Filipo Schiavone scored after a huge scramble in the goalmouth area.

Afterwards, we asked team manager Rodney Lowe why the team were so late. He told us "Well, we were looking for the stadium. We drove all the way round San Adriano three times, although that did only take half an hour."

"Still, we had to call the Sanadrianese FA for directions, and they told us that the game was taking place in Uhuh-topia. If it wasn't for them, we would never have made it in time!"

Final score:
San Adriano 0
Schiavonia 1 (Schiavone 88)

Three final points.

1) The SFF would like to appeal to the hosts for them to "scorinate" our game between Boudra-Boudra at the King Francesco Stadium on Matchday 11.

2) The SFF are also working on a bid to host World Cup 28, but will not confirm who with until all the details have been finalised.

3) Just in case you didn't believe us about the most points thing...

Group Team P W D L GF GA GD Pts
12 Schiavonia 9 8 1 0 18 6 12 25
4 Sarzonia 8 8 0 0 30 4 26 24
7 Liverpool England 8 8 0 0 28 6 22 24
9 Audioslavia 8 8 0 0 17 6 11 24
11 Lovisa 9 7 2 0 25 4 21 23
2 Bettia 9 7 2 0 30 13 17 23
3 Vilita 9 7 1 1 27 8 19 22
10 Casari 9 7 1 1 21 5 16 22
7 Turori 9 7 1 1 21 8 13 22
10 Hockey Canada 8 7 1 0 17 6 11 22

Haraki

15-03-2006, 16:10

Hawks Defeated on Home Ground;
Vargas Comes Down With Illness Prior To Match
From the Atherlon Times

Tom Bucket, Atherlon. The Hawks entered the field today eagre to prove themselves against the team that showed them up their very first matchday of the Cup: East Lithuania. In their home country, they were responsible for a 2-0 victory over Haraki, and the Hawks entered the field today eagre to make up for the loss with a victory here to help pull them out of their slump. Although their four-game losing streak was ended by the win over Wentland on Matchday Nine, every win counts.

Hawks coach Lloyd Vargas had come down with an illness the day before and had not been able to coach the team properly. Rumours abounded as to what kind of sickness it was, with speculations ranging from a simple cold or flue right up to Yellow Fever, Smallpox, and even into the high-end bizarre ranges of Ebola and Rocky Mountain Spotted Fever. One fan suggested he might have chicken pox, and another that he may have been poisoned by the East Lithuanian team. This reporter went to speak to him to find out.

"I cough a lot, I wheeze a lot, I have a fever of 102 degrees, and on and on. Need to know more? Shine a fucking flashlight down my throat!" Vargas responded, while I kept my distance. However, despite all his symptoms, Vargas was still out on the field watching as the Hawks and the Lithuanians took the field. He was wrapped in a blanket and reportedly drinking a cup of tea, but he was there to shout at his team.

However, they did not perform as desired. The Hawks played, as always, an aggressive first half, and, as in the game with Spaam, it was mostly a defensive game. Even when it started to rain over halftime, the match was not cancelled. With no goals by that point, they didn't want to make either team wait any longer. Both teams played aggressive offence, but both teams' defence and keepers were superb in their play.

The game's only goal came late in the second half, with twenty minutes left to play, when a Lithuanian forward managed to get off a quick shot that Hawks keeper Mark Stone simply couldn't see. His peripheral vision was off with the rain, and even as the goal kicker slipped and fell on his back in the mud after the kick, he watched from the ground as the ball sailed past Stone and into the Hawks' net. His team picked him up and carried him back to their own end, cheering uproariously.

The game ended and the Hawks seemed downcast. They had lost and, in their minds, let the coach down. But they had played a good game. As Vargas said to them in the locker room, "Ha! You boys played great out there! Maybe I oughta get sick more often!"

Vargas, commenting to this reporter about the team's performance and how he would improve it, said this: "They're not playing aggressive enough football. We spend too much time focusing on getting one goal and hauling off that we don't actually get that goal. It's too late to change them now, but if I ever coach the World Cup team again, I'm going to coach them way differently. We'll be an offensive-focused team. With Mark [Stone] in net, and some good defensive players, we can send most of the team away on offence. Yes, it'll be different, all right."

Haraki's next games are against Obsidianus and Shing-Shang, widely regarded as the two worst teams in the group and two of the worst in the world. Haraki hosts Obsidianus on Matchday 12, then goes to Shing-Shang for a game on Matchday 13. Vargas is expected to announce the team for the exhibition game on Matchday 15 by sometime next week.

Tom Bucket is the Atherlon Times' football correspondent.

Audioslavia

15-03-2006, 16:11

http://www.geocities.com/lifeobrien/bull.txt
'Slaves Prepare for Nedalia Rematch

Back on matchday two of the qualifiers, Audioslavia played their first game away from home against the Nedalian Lions, a side expected to be in or around the automatic qualifying spots right now. As it happens, the Lions are struggling. The Bulls have accrued double the points of the Lions, and poor Nedalia are struggling in fifth place. It could all have been very different, if Audioslavia hadn't have robbed the Nedalians in the opening game.

That opening game was marred in controversy both before the kickoff and after the final whistle.

Before a ball had even been kicked the Audioslavian media had been saying that Nedalia were simply a class below the top sides, despite being ranked a healthy thirty-first in the world rankings, just sixteen places below Audioslavia. The reprecussions were obvious, and Nedalia came out fighting in that opening match. Thats where the second controversy happened.

On the forty minute mark, with Nedalia 1-0 ahead and in dominant form, Constantine's rocket of a shot from twenty yards was chalked off for a push on Didi Mussorgsky. On the hour mark Nedalia scored again, but again were denied a perfectly good goal by a dodgy decision from the assistant referee, calling Jimmy Kelly offside despite there being two Audioslavians playing him on at the other end of the pitch.

It all meant that instead of having an unassailable 3-0 lead to climb in thirty minutes, the 'slaves were just one behind. There can be no argument that the 'slaves were the better team in this last half hour, scoring two goals to win the game 2-1, but in a perfect world, or a fair world at least, Audioslavia would have left with nothing but a 3-2 defeat.

Nedalia were upbeat after the game, with the air of a team who had gained a moral victory as well as the respect of the six billion people in Audioslavia, but the simple fact of the matter is, had they have got their deserved win, they wouldn't be so far behind Commerce Heights in second place.

Audioslavia have taken a totally different route since the last game, winning eight in a row in their best qualifying performance ever in their 93 year history.

When the two teams meet in the Silver Jubilee Stadium tommorow night there will be just as much edge as in the first game. There may not be any more disrespectful soundbytes travelling the airwaves, but there is the question of those two disallowed goals to be answered. Nedalia, especially after a disappointing, if exciting, 4-4 draw with Berner Street, are desperate for points. With just seven matches left they are five points behind the qualifying places. They will need to make up that deficit quickly to have a real chance of qualifying for World Cup 27.

Audioslavia, in comparison, have eight games in which to amass the ten points that we feel would be enough to be certain of qualifying. A few wins and a few draws should do. That doesn't, however, mean we should play casually against Nedalia. There is a small matter of a record-breaking winning streak, and a fair bit of national pride, to think about.

Audioslavia team for Audioslavia - Nedalia tommorow.

1
Yngve

2 5 18 13
Rijkaard Väinämöinen Stuart Johansen

16
Petäjä

7 11 4 14
Polsson Alanila Mussorgsky Fiori

9
Vitalis
I've been Jeremy Jaffacake, G'nite bitches.

The Lowland Clans

15-03-2006, 16:30

GRAHAM CITY SUN - Sports Section
Stars Inch Forward Towards Qualifying Spot, Turori Leaps Ahead

GRAHAM CITY - The Stars opened the second half of qualifying with a tough 3-3 draw against TheSuncoastofFlorida. The sunny Floridians and their pluckly play really drew out a strugglign defense who have failed to distinguish themselves in the high scoring group. "It's tough," said Stjepan after the game. "This schedule is tough on the team. I'm grateful for the bye and the chance to play against The Kazoo Peoples. These guys are simply tired out from the intense pressure and competition. A good fun game is exactly what they need."

While the Stars are nine points behind Turori and just one point ahead of a pack of teams for the qualifying spot, Captain Quentin Mackallen said that he expected the Stars to qualify. "We've worked hard so far, and while we've made some mistakes especially in the later part of the campaign, we've started to gel together as a team." Star forward Nicolae Foma echoed this statement. "We got a serious chance to qualify, especially if we get a good playoff match." Gjergj Bashkim said that he was really disappointed in his play personally, and that the defence needs to step it up a notch if they are to take this to the next level.

Tomorrow's match should be key. Playing against group leader and top ranked team of Liverpool England, the Stars need to come away with a point here to make some serious headway. "A tie against Liverpool would be beyond my hopes. But that extra point in a match no one expects us to do well in would buoy us well into reaching the World Cup."

Qazox

15-03-2006, 17:05

Three days after Kyle Cartman left to retrive the Tynelian Crystals, both Generalissimo Uarez and Keith Cartman, formerly Mr. X, waited in the parking garage of Channel 3 news in Lorax City.

Uarez: I'm telling you, son, that your brother is not going to show up.

Keith: He's got 5 minutes left.

Uarez: I doubt he'll show, we need to leave before MIB-12 shows up and arrests bothof us.

Suddenly a noise sounding like a can being kicked startled the two men. As they looked around, a dark shadow began moving towards them.

Keith: Kyle is that you?

Uarez: 0007, I mean son, if you're there please answer or else we leave.

0007, Kyle Cartman: It's me. I got the crystals, but before I give them up, I got one question to ask you brother.

Keith: What's that?

Kyle: Only you would know the answer to this one 'brother', On our ninth birthday when our parents took us to Goran Oxen World (ooc Qazox's version of Walt Disney World) who did you have your picture taken with?

Keith: What? What kind of question is that?

Kyle: Just humor me, answer the question.

Keith: Hmmm. Let me think for a second....I remember. I had my picture taken with Joe the Ox. He was always my favorite.

Kyle: Thanks, 'brother' I now know the truth. So gentlemen , let's get this done and over with.

The three men went to the nearest tranportation device and transported back to Keith's underground lair, where upon arrrival, Keith took the Tynelian Crystals and implanted them within his Anti-Time Chamber and marched over to the computer panel.

Keith: I'm sorry kyle and 'dad' but this is what I must do.

Keith pushed the button to launch the missles and headed for the Anti-Time Chamber but the chamber wasn't working.

Keith: What the Hell? Why isn't the Anti-Time Chamber working?

Uarez: Told ya he'd bring back fakes. Now surrender yourself or die.

Kyle: Don't shoot him just yet, Uarez. The crystals are working, but what Keith don't know is that the crystals can't be used to stop time, but to reverse it.

Keith: What??

Kyle: You see I had expirimented with the crystals and due to some sideeffects, I know you are not my Father Uarez, and you are most definetly not my brother, Keith, isn't that right....Lieutenant Latias? You see I now know that you killed my brother on your wedding night because you accidently let him know that you were a shapeshifter.

Lt. Latias/Keith: So, you know the dark secret of my past, but that won't stop the missiles from launching and destroying the Continuum.

Uarez: Wrong again my dear. You see I told Qazox about their codes being stolen right after you told me that your going to steal them. The codes have long been changed and no missiles have been launched. Your foolish plan is defeated.

Latias: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO....(she runs towards the Anti-Time Chamber) Fine then i'll just go back in time and make sure that it will succeed.

Kyle takes out his MI-36 pistol, takes aim at Latias, and shoots at her back, one bullet goes right through the heart, but the other accidently strikes the Crystal Chamber.

Kyle: Oh Shite... we need to get out of here now, if that explodes it could destroy the continuum.

Uarez: Go. I'll stay here and try to slow this down. You and I may not be father and son or even friends, but I have always repected such an opponent as you. Save yourself, Kyle and may the Holy Ox bless you.

Uarez pushed Kyle's emergency transport button, sending him back somewhere safe. He then walked towards the Anti-Time Chamber, takes out the crystals, transports them to Kyle, and waits for oblivion to come.

(ooc: BTW the Exposlosion Caused the whole WC Crap of this past weekend and that others mentioned happened... so it's My Fault...but only in this RP...lol)

Somewhere in Tynelia

Kyle Cartman is waiting infront of bus station when a mysterious stanger aproaches.

Stranger: The ox is in the fields.

Kyle: But he doesn't eat the grass.

Stranger: He drinks the water.

Kyle: And thirsts no more.

Stanger: well no that i know your are 0007, where's the Crystals?

Kyle: Right here, Agent Jenkins, just like I promised.

Agent Jenkins: I still don't know why you needed these, they're worthless baubles.

Kyle: Well in the right configureation, they can be used to create a time machine, but in the wrong configureation, they can cause weird things to happenm, such as what happened this past weekend.

Jenkins: Well, Tyenlia owes you a debt of thanks, even though you stole them in the first place. But since the Crystals were used to help end a possible Inter-Spatial War, I glad we could have been of service. And...Where did he go??

THE END AT LEAST FOR NOW.....

(ooc: Tynelia please don't be mad I used Agent Jenkins, and I gave back the crystals...;) )

Georgeonia

15-03-2006, 18:33

GROUP ELEVEN
Emporer Pudu 1-3 Lovisa
Georgeonia 3-2 Giant Zucchini
Green wombat 2-1 Andossa Se Mitrin Vega
Becquerelia 1-1 Pastorville

Squids win thriller

Lat nights the squids of Georgeonia put in a heroic performance to
take all three points from world thirty-fifth ranked Giant Zucchini.
The win, which exceeded all expectations, was particularly
satisfying in the light of the three-nil drubbing which Giant
Zucchini inflicted on Georgonia in the first half of qualifying. The
progess made my the squids since then, however, has been remarkable,
and they are looking strong and well organised, prompting
celebrations in the nation's capital last night, and hints from
Prime Minister Ivan Rasmussen that a national holiday will be
declared if the national side's current performance continues.
The squids took the lead in the twenty-seventh minute last night,
with Owino heading home in a crowded penalty area, before
Majewski headed home a second on the stroke of half time. Zuccini.
looking shocked and confused went in for hald time with their heads
down, and we can only speculate as to what their manager said to them
during the break. They came out looking more dangerous and got back
into the game on fifty minutes with a fierce strike from the edge of
the area. The squids then looked to be struggling under the pressure
Zucchini were exerting, but eventually they were able to mount a
counter attack and a long ball from Adomako, found Majewski in space
and with a thundering volley, he scored the Squids' third. Zucchini
continued to put pressure on the Squids' defence, and a goal in the
eighty-eighth minute led to a nervous injury time, but in the end the
Squids held on for all three points and left the field to wild
cheering from the fans, many of whom were in tears at the sheer
emotional intensity of the spectacle thay had just witnessed. The
match is the first time that the squids have managed to score more
than one goal in a game, and Zucchini are the highest ranked side they
have ever beaten. Headlines all of the nation this morning
concentrated on the team, and it would seem that they have already
acquired hero status in many parts of the country.

Elsewhere in the group, Tadjikistan had a bye day, which allowed
Louvisa to gain even more ground on them with an easy three-one
victory at Emperor Pudu. Louvisa have undoubtedly looked the group's
strongest team in recent games, and it would take something
extraordinary for them to fail to qualify now. ASMV missed the chance
to consolidate their second place, losing two-one to Green Wombat, and
they may have a hard time holding off Tadjikistan for that second
automatic qualifing spot. Becquerelia and Pastorville managed a one-all
draw which does neither of them any good, and Becquerelia remain the
only side in the group without a win. Tonight the squids travel to
Pastorville for a game that they will hope to take something from,
having won the corresponding fixture in the first half of qualifying,
despite the massive advantage Pastorville have in terms of world
ranking.

MD01: Away to Giant Zucchini L 3-0
MD02: Home to Pastorville W 1-0
MD03: Away to Green Wombat L 1-0
MD04: Away to Emperor Pudu D 0-0
MD05: Away to Louvisa L 3-0
MD06: Home to Andossa Se Mitrin Vega L 1-2
MD07: Away to Becquerelia D 1-1
MD08: --- No Match ---
MD09: Away to Tadjikistan D 1-1
MD10: Home to Giant Zucchini W 3-2

Kirstiriera

15-03-2006, 19:04

The Angels challenge for the playoffs got a little bit more difficult with a close defeat against a fancied NMS side that came to play, but they clearly sent a message that Kirstiriera is about ready to make her move on the World of International Football. The New Montreal team was constantly better on the defensive end of the pitch... The Angels made sure that they desired a chance to win, but unfortunately the second half was the Angels undoing where the NMS scored at the 79th minute to clinch the maximium points for the NMS.
This may be the spark that is required for the Angels to make a surprise run to the play offs and to eventually develop into a threatening side...The next test for the Angels is to travel to Cuation, then go back home to play the An Archists, and then the trip to CRO...

Wentland

15-03-2006, 20:40

The chairman wondered if he should send his letter to the wc committee after all...the litany of complaints was nearly endless...three red cards, one for offside, one for a foul throw and one for handball on the line (the goalkeeper)...three goals disallowed...eighteen minutes of injury time ending in a four times taken penalty...naah, no-one listens to complaints...

Starblaydia

15-03-2006, 20:48

Baack on Forrm aafter Spaam
Starblaydia chalk up six more points before Bye

After the 1-0 loss to a defensive-minded Spaam at home, of all places, Starblaydia got back on track with two consecutive victories. Back to winning ways with a 2-0 and a 5-0.

Women were the centre of attention as Susana Hamilton - in goal in place of the mentally 'not quite right' Mark Stone - let in two goals against two of Starblaydia's three female players, Dasha Tolkacheva and Jade Matranga.

Dash broke through just before half time to sink Vargas' hopes of giving a moral-boosting team-talk at half time, as she hurdled Hamilton to side-foot into an empty net with the Haraki keeper stranded.Halfway through the second half, substitute Jade Matranga made it two in the hopes of killing off Haraki's attempts and silencing their crowd.

It had nearly the desired effect, after a period of more Starblaydi dominance and a near-silent Haraki crowd their team started to get back into the match, coming close with two efforts around the eighty-minute mark. It was to no avail, however, as Nicholas Mathias was in no mood to be beaten today after conceeding only his second goal in seven matches against Spaam in the previous match.

Final Score from Haraki:
Haraki 0 - 2 Starblaydia
(None) - (Tolkacheva 42, Matranga 76)

Making his first starting appearance for Starblaydia's senior side, the one-man whirlwind known as Maivia Von Erich bagged a brace of goals against Priggdom, alongside another two from veteran Raphaelo and a fifth from substitute Paul Noble.

Starblaydia, though top of Group Eight for now, will be expecting Oliverry to leapfrog them during Matchday Ten, though will have a chance to take back their spot against Wentland, the first of only two nations to put a goal past the young Starblaydi defence, as they welcome them to Vecchio Victors' home stadium, Victory Park. An energetic and noisy crowd is expected, as usual, something to put Wentland's own fans to shame, it is hoped.

Final Score from Nemyan National Stadium, Ionia:
Starblaydia 5 - 0 Priggdom
(Raphaelo 21 & 34, Von Erich 36 & 66, Noble 57) - (None)

Squornshelous

15-03-2006, 21:23

Pschychoes look to continue good form

A home match against TIoQ will be a good test of focus
Squornshelous has moved into the second half of qualifying in a fairly good, if slightly marred position. Second only to the stellar play of Shiavonia in Group 12. Squornshelous looks to continue scoring ridiculous amounts of goals. In the first half of qualifying, the Pschychoes averaged 4 goals per match, and should be able to continue achieving that mark. With a little improvement by the defense, which let in a few too many goals against John Parkin and Schiavonia in the first matches with those two sides, Squornshelous might be able to win the rest of their matches, a result which would probably see them edge out Schiavonia for the top spot in the group. With the way the Sloths have been playing, Squornshelous will have to be mistake free in order to catch them. But for now, the Pschychoes will have to buckle down and focus on the task at hand: beating an underachieving but still dangerous team from The Islands of Qutar.

Squornshelous' Qualifying Schedule:
wins losses draws byes
MD01: bye
MD02: The Islands of Qutar 1-3 Squornshelous
MD03: Squornshelous 5-1 The Macabees
MD04: Jon Parkin 4-4 Squornshelous
MD05: Squornshelous 5-0 San Adriano
MD06: Schiavonia 4-2 Squornshelous
MD07: Squornshelous 2-0 Kericia
MD08: Apologetic Kittens 1-6 Squornshelous
MD09: Squornshelous 5-0 Spaamanian Plijous
MD10: bye
MD11: Squornshelous v The Islands of Qutar
MD12: The Macabees v Squornshelous
MD13: Squornshelous v Jon Parkin
MD14: San Adriano v Squornshelous
MD15: Squornshelous v Schiavonia
MD16: Kericia v Squornshelous
MD17: Squornshelous v Apologetic Kittens
MD18: Spaamanian Plijous v Squornshelous[/QUOTE]

New Montreal States

15-03-2006, 23:00

LABRANCHE RUSHES IN WHERE ANGELS FEAR TO TREAD

Picks up late goal to push past challenging Kiristiera side

KIRISTIERA - After a weak 1-0 win over the Angels at the Paladin Dome, the Paladins must've seemed vulnerable to Kiristiera on their home turf. This prediction would've come true were it not for some late-game heroics by Hubert Labranche.

Defense ruled the early going, as both sides struggled to do much more than get the ball past the halfway mark. Jesse Miller picked up his first goal of qualifiers in the 40th minute, capping a late first-half charge by NMS. The home side retired to their lockers, a bit disappointed perhaps, but convinced that they could at least even the score given half a chance.

They got that half chance in the second half as miscommunication in the midfield gave the Angels a drive deep into Paladins territory that would not end. After about seven minutes of this, a nameless Angels player blasted one over a prostrate Paul Chasson for the equalizer. The player's name was completely obscured from every angle, and as three different people attempted to lay claim to the goal, we still cannot be sure who scored for them.

Regardless of ascription, the equalizer certainly sent a wake-up call to NMS, who pressed forward on attack only to be met by an equally resolute Kiristiera defense, until the 79th minute, when Hubert Labranche, sick of living in the shadow of Gilles Villeneuve, did something sufficiently epic to earn his nation two points. He kicked the ball so hard that the diving keeper, already close to the line when he jumped, got knocked into the net for the second goal. It was now the Paladins turn to protect some points, which they did splendidly, controlling not only the backfield but also the midfield in a textbook display of true Paladins footie. This upcoming bye will certainly be a well-deserved one for the team, as they rest up for the home stretch.

PALADINS 2 - Miller 40, Labranche 79
KIRISTIERA 1 - Disputed 58

TOURNAMENT SCORING

Villeneuve 7
Labranche 3
Pilon 2
Tessier 2
Toussaint 2
Chan 1
Gordon 1
Miller 1

Sarzonia

15-03-2006, 23:55

Woodstock Daily Mail

One more unto the breach

by Ryan Calvin
Daily Mail Staff Writer

15 March 2006 -- Even though the Sarzonian national football team are riding a perfect 8-0-0 mark through the first half of World Cup qualifying, their first match of the second half looms large for a team that has had a surprisingly easy go of things. Especially for Coach Dave Wilson, who also served as the national team coach for Hypocria, the Stars' opponents in Woodstock.

The Stars played Hypocria in their first match of World Cup qualifying, defeating the Hyppos 3-1 at the Hyppodrome in Hypocrium in Wilson's first return to the country he left in an effort to restore his home country to glory. Now the return match will be played at Bryan Marshall Stadium in Woodstock and tickets were sold out long before kickoff.

"It's going to be a media circus," Wilson said. "We're going to go at it with our full starting 11 healthy and ready to go and we're going to expect [Hypocria's] best shot. They're a strong team and they've shown that lately." Wilson downplayed talk of the match being a duel between him and the man who became his replacement with the Hyppos, Alex Santoro.

"Unless you know something I don't, Alex isn't going to be donning a kit and running onto the pitch and I'm too old for that myself," Wilson joked. "It's not going to be a one v. one match between me and Alex. It's going to be Sarzonia v. Hypocria with a spot in the World Cup finals possibly hanging in the balance. If that's not enough to motivate you, you don't belong on this level."

Despite Wilson's attempts to defuse the hype of a potential rivalry, forward and team captain Kevin Wilson said "it's very much on our minds. You want to do well because this was a team that my father used to coach going against the team that he's coaching now. We're going to do what we can to give Dad the full three points."

For the Stars, a win would catapult the team to a best-ever 9-0-0 start and would leave second place Krytenia seven points adrift of the group lead with six matches remaining. However, goalkeeper Roger Treadway said, "we're not taking anything for granted.

"There are too many good teams in this group and if we start losing our intensity, we'll find out why some people called this the Group of Death."

The Islands of Qutar

16-03-2006, 00:18

The Cere Scribe

So far The Islands of Qutar have underperformed in just about everyone's opinion, except for one man who has just come out of a coma. Losing against The Macabees, when we maybe shouldn't have, and drawing when we had the chances to win. Critisism is growing against Paul Dove and his refusal to change the squad, in a statement he says he believes in his players, and if you remember we were the underdogs last time, and we won when we maybe "shouldn't" have, he said that in the second half of the qualifiers that we'll show the world what were made of!

He started of with a 2-0 win against Spaamanian Plijous, but will the success continue? With a tough match against Squornshelous tonight, some critics are writing Qutar off, but the squad remains resolute. Well the country will be behind them as ever, but they want results, they may not expect a win but they want a good game that we perform like we did in the last World Cup.

OOC:: Have been ill with mumps for sometime now, so with RP will avenge from tommorrow. That includes full match reports!

[NS]Bazalonia

16-03-2006, 01:27

"Beaten at home" by Nev Gould

The Bazalopes at home where soundly defeated by Swilitia. After drawing Swilatia in their first away match expectations where high for this game, particularily with the form the Bazalopes have recently shown. Unfortunately it was not to be and Neil has suffered his first real let down as the Bazalope coach. "We have many things that we can take from this match and hopefully we;ll improve for our next match." is what Neil Kabants had to say about this performance. A dejected crowd left TeleBaz Stadium after a near capacity turn-out, they expected to see a Bazalope win but where still treated by a good performance of the Swilatian forwards, who would have scored more goals if it was not for an uncharacteristicly strong defense. The offense headed by Irchov Michael, James Kantwell and the captain Benjamin "Benny Boy" Peters where not enough to score a goal but in the dying seconds The Bazalopes did manage to score a goal but only after the final whistle was blown and therefore dis-allowed.

Neil Kabants future depends on how he takes this defeat. Will he turn on the team? or will he take lessons from the match and use them to improve the team? Only time will tell. I'll leave you with one final question, Will the Collonite gamble pay off in the long run or shall it bankrupt the only chances we Bazalonians have in the world of soccer?

...................

To whom it may concern:

I recently purchased one of your socket wrenches for use at home and abroad. I unpacked the multiple attachments, trying the 9-millimeter one first, as I had to do some repairs on our team airplane (I like to fiddle around with our team jet: I am a coach, you see). But upon installing the attachment, I found that the attachment would not stay on the wrench. And, to my chagrin, none of the other attachments fit either!

I would like a full refund of the purchase price, and an explanation of how this occured. The product ID number is #593D-196, if that is of any assistance.

I look forward to your reply.

Sincerely,

Manni Aka

George Henryerson, Head of Socket Wrenched Inc consumer complaints division. read the letter and laughed. This is the letter he wrote in reply.

Dear Mr Aka;

We, here at Socket Wrenched Inc., appreciate your comments and suggestions on our products. Your suggestions have been taken on board and have been discussed with our designers. However the manual accompaning the socket clearly has written on it "Not to be used on Aircraft". This line can be found in extremely small print on the bottom of page 2. As a result of this being used in an incorrect application we cannot however give you a refund.

If you would like to discuss the matter more, please do not hesitate to contact me back at the following email address g.henryerson@socketwrenched.com.bz. Or by addressing any further written correspondance to

G. Henryerson
Consumer Complaints Manager
Socket Wrenched Inc.

Thank you for you time and hope that you will continue to use our products.

Yours Sincerly, George Henryerson
Consumer Complaints Manager, Socket Wrenched Inc.

Magnus Valerius

16-03-2006, 01:38

The Isangrad Times
Emperor Signs New MMORPG Law
Nerds in Uproar

ISANGRAD, MAGNUS VALERIUS -- Tsar Alexander III created one of his first edicts today when he announced that the Valerian government will be tracking people who play popular MMORPGs. With respect to people, the emperor himself was quoted saying that "...these foolish computer wonks should stop wasting their lives in front of the computer all the time with their silly Massive Multiplayer Online RPGS." The law, which went into effect today, targets people with such popular MMORPGS such as Evening Storm: War in Magical Ancient Valeria or Distant Star Colony Explorers. Anyone who clocks in for more than two hours will be disconnected for a 24-hour period by government internet bots.

"WHAT? Do I have to give up my level 78 BEASTMASTER PALADIN to the GOVERNMENT!?" exclaims frustrated nerd and full-time Evening Storm player Erik Riurikov, age 19. "HE NEEDS ME!!!" Erik has lost two jobs and dropped out of college due to the game, and many girlfriends broke up with him due to the fact that he spends so much time on the damnable game. He now lives in his parent's garage.

"These whackos need to get their priorities straightened out," says analyst Robert Berkowitz. "The government here is trying to help them, and they're even offering a scholarship for those recovering from the dark abyss of MMORPGS. MMORPGS are the new cocaine."

In Other News Stories

Magnus Valerius Loses 0 - 1 to Casari at Tsar's Dome in Isangrad

Magnus Valerius lost to Casari at home today, which was pretty much predictable considering Magnus Valerius is on a losing streak. Casari, though, has a very skilled team in comparison to the inexperienced Boyars. Tomorrow, the Boyars will face off Harlesburg on their home turf, away from Magnus Valerius.

"They are plain disastrous, and sucking it hard," says disillusioned football fan Maria Korsakov. "I wish the World Cup ended now before we embarrass ourselves even more. There's always the Cup of Harmony and next World Cup 28, but I bet we'll still suck regardless..."

Some strong fans, however, hold off hope for Magnus Valerius's improvement. They might fare better in the Cup of Harmony after WC27, which they plan to participate in. And, World Cup 28 might be better - the Boyars will actually have experience there.

GROUP TEN GAMES

Magnus Valerius 0-1 Casari
Crna Gora Liv Eng 1-2 Kaze Progressa
Imperial Moose 1-1 Harlesburg
McPsychoville 1-1 Majeristan

Mr Chuck Norris

16-03-2006, 01:45

Chuck Norris News
For All Of Your Fighting Norris Coverage

Hello all you football fans watching this overly redundant newscast... this is CNN. The Fighting Norris are still fighting as strong as ever as evidenced by their most recent performance. All of the signs pointed to a Yafor 2 victory, they had beat the Fighting Norris at home already, and they are ranked 138 spots higher than the Fighting Norris, but Yafor 2 still managed only a draw. In summary:

Mr Chuck Norris 2 (Chuck Norris 77, OJ Pimpson 88)
Yafor 2 2 (Fernando Malar 55, Francisco Malar 66)

Wow, what a match! Good evening good Fighting Norris fans, be merry, for our beloved Fighting Norris have struck a draw against all odds. However, the match certainly wasn't an easy one to play in. Yafor 2's three midfielders had our four running like dogs around the field. The first half showed an absolute dominance in the midfield domain by both teams. Fighting Norris midfielder Zach Brickhouse flaunted his athleticism as he nimbly manuvered the ball around his primary challenge in Damiel Fraten, one of Yafor 2's midfielders. However, with an abundance of five defenders, Brickhouse was never able to set up a good attack and was often stopped by the powerful Yafor 2 defense.

The only decent charge enstated by the Fighting Norris came in minute 40, when the controversial Yianni Karvo managed to break his way deep into Yafor 2 territory. His size allowed him to easily shed the small Yafor 2 defense (small in comparrison to Karvo). He finally dumped the ball off on The Burger King after drawing the last few defenders to him. The Burger King had only Yafor 2's goalkeeper Deron Smithes to beat. He fired the ball, but missed the goal completely. Everyone began to boo The Burger King, failing to notice that he was lying on the ground writhing in pain. Coach of The Fighting Norris Bob Janney and his medical crew came rushing out on the field. We have up close footage of what happened:

"Can you hear me King?" asks Bob Janney kneeling down.
(The Burger King nod head yes)
"What's the matter... what happened?"
(The Burger King sheds a tear, appears to be guilty of something)
"King... you're going to have to tell us what's hurting you if you want us to fix it."
(The Burger King expresses shame as he pulls out the wrapper of a McDonald's Big Mac)
"King... how could you do this to the team? To yourself? I don't even feel sorry for you, you brought this upon yourself."
(King acknowledges his fault, pulls out a Whopper mysteriously from behind his back and eats it quickly)
"Are you feeling better King?"
(King jumps to feet and gives Janney a thumbs up)
"You know what they say... irony killed the King."

So what appeared to be a horrible incident for The Fighting Norris ended up being harmless. The half expired with the score nil-nil, with both teams surging with energy.

The second half opened displaying an experienced Yafor 2 team. For the first time in the game, they began initaiting their own attacks and the Fighting Norris defenders saw their first action of the day. Yafor 2's first good attack started when star Yafor 2 midfielder Gerod Flamer faked out Fighting Norris midfielder Pat Smock with relative ease, provding him an open lane to the Fighting Norris defense. After attracting Fighting Norris defenders ♪ and Jack Moon, Gerod Flamer dumped the ball off on Fernando Malar, who provided not only Yafor 2's first shot on goal of the day, but also thier first score in minute 55.

Play continued and it wasn't long before Yafor 2 was back on the offensive. Gerod Flamer once agains found himself charging down the field soon after stepping on Fighting Norris midfielder Paper Mario, and tossing him aside like... well... paper. Instead of passing the ball to Fernando Malar, his Malar of choice this drive was Francisco Malar. Francisco Malar easily outmanuvered the novice Fighting Norris defense and scored Yafor 2's second goal in minute 66. Suddenly Yafor 2 was up by two goals and the momentum was going their way.

However, the Fighting Norris were not about to give up. It wasn't long before the Fighting Norris offense initaited a charge of its own. Gerod Flamer, apparently tired from all of the attacking, was surprisingly beat out by a speeding Zach Brickhouse, who charged down the field like a drunk without a home. He fearlessly burst through the agile Yafor 2 defense and took the shot on goal only to find it reflected off Deron Smithes, Yafor 2's goalkeeper. However, that left Deron Smithes laying on the ground and an open goal for Fighting Norris star player Chuck Norris who easily tapped the ball through the posts for the Fighting Norris' first score. The score was now 2-1 in Yafor 2's favor, but the game wasn't over yet.

Paper Mario, with a torn attitude after being destroyed by Gerod Flamer, flew down the field like an airplane upon the continuation of play. He easily faked out the Yafor 2 midfield, who were slowing down to a casual walk. It didn't take long for him to launch the ball up to Chuck Norris. However, the pass was intercepted by Yafor 2 defender Halen Croat, who began to wind up a kick to send the ball back to midfield only to find the ball missing when his foot reached the ground. Meanwhile, OJ Pimpson began celebrating after he shot the ball right past Deron Smithes. No one on the Yafor 2 team appeared to know what had just happened, but they knew for certain that they had blew a 2-1 lead in the 88th minute. Time ran out and a draw was declared.

---------------------------------------------------------------------------

"I was both glad and worried after leaving that match with a draw" explained Bob Janney, who had seized the set of CNN without encountering resistance. "I was glad because we didn't lose, but I though for sure that we wouldn't keep our fourth spot in our group. However, I was relieved to find that everyone else in our group had also forged a draw with the exception of Turori winning over The Belmore Family. This means quite a few things for our Fighting Norris team. First off, Liverpool England and Turori have both apparently secured the one and two qualifying spots leaving five teams in our group to duke it out for the last qualifying position. The Lowland Clans currently have 13 points and sit in the third spot. We're in second with 12 points, closely followed by TheSuncoastofFlorida and Yafor 2, who also have 12 points a piece and are only behind us on a goal difference. The fifth team is Rolatia, who have recently stepped up their game to a total of 11 points, only 2 points out of that glorious qualification spot. The four matches in our group next matchday are The Lowland Clans at Liverpool England, which is wonderful for us because that means The Lowland Clans will still only have 13 points after their next match. The Belmore Family will be at Yafor 2 next matchday, which is bad news for us because that means three points for a Yafor 2 team, who will be up to 15 points total. The only good news is they currently have a -3 goal difference, which will be hard to improve dramatically in one match. TheSuncoastofFlorida is at Rolatia, which is going to hurt us either way. I'm hoping for a draw more than anything in that match as that will put TheSuncoastofFlorida at 13 points and Rolatia at 12. This leaves our Fighting Norris at Allied Anime Worlds, which means all kinds of good things for us as Allied Anime Worlds are currently failing at life, but there won't be any underestimations. We've played Allied Anime Worlds a couple of times now and they're no easy team to beat whether they're in a slump or not. So hopefully we'll have 15 points at the end of next matchday with a good goal difference, which will land us no place other than... 3rd place! The Fighting Norris are going boldly where no people of The Holy Empire of Mr Chuck Norris have gone before... to World Cup success. This is Bob Janney, coach of the Fighting Norris... signing off".

Schedule of The Fighting Norris for World Cup 27
Matchday 1: At Yafor 2 (Loss 1-2)
Matchday 2: Vs. Allied Anime Worlds (Win 4-2)
Matchday 3: Vs. TheSuncoastofFlorida (Draw 0-0)
Matchday 4: Vs. Liverpool England (Loss 2-5)
Matchday 5: At The Lowland Clans (Draw 1-1)
Matchday 6: Vs. Rolatia (Win 2-0)
Matchday 7: On Bye
Matchday 8: At The Belmore Family (Win 4-1)
Matchday 9: At Turori (Loss 1-4)
Matchday 10: Vs. Yafor 2 (Draw 2-2)
Matchday 11: At Allied Anime Worlds
Matchday 12: At TheSuncoastofFlorida
Matchday 13: At Liverpool England
Matchday 14: Vs. The Lowland Clans
Matchday 15: At Rolatia
Matchday 16: On Bye
Matchday 17: Vs. The Belmore Family
Matchday 18: Vs. Turori

Fighting Norris Record: (3-3-3)

Casari

16-03-2006, 01:57

http://i16.photobucket.com/albums/b20/Casari/4sport.png

Road Marathon starts with predictable 1-0 win
Casari 7-1-1 and magically tops table for a day

After a 1-0 road win over Magnus Valerius, Casari has managed to top the Group ten table for a single day on goal difference.

"While it's nice to top the table, we have to admit that it's only because of a bye day and we'll be giving it back after the next matchday." Coach Hill.

Irregardless, the Casaran team intends to put the break to good use, with 5 away matches left in qualifying.

"If by good use, you mean slacking off, not practicing, and some good hard partying, then yes, We'll be putting the bye dat to good use." Said Fore-half Alberto Larini.

When confronted wit Larini's comments, Chach Hill had only a short comment.

"Don't listen to him, he's an idiot."

The Kazoo Peoples

16-03-2006, 02:20

"Well, I think we've made a rebound," said Coach Manni Aka after a five-nil walloping of Algal states. "I'm glad to be back."

The match couldn't've been less exciting.

"It was one after another after another. And that was only the first half," remarked a stunned Algal states player.

"I kinda felt bad for them -- they were all helpless and scared, like a kitten, about to be run over with a steamroller... or something like that," said forward Chadd Johnson, who had a hat trick when it was all said and done. When he heard the reporters laughing at his last comment, he exclaimed, "You think it's easy making analogies? You try making one! You, in the blue! MAKE AN ANALOGY TO TODAY'S GAME!"

"Um ... er ...." the reporter stammered.

"EXACTLY! Next question!"

"None further," said one reporter, and the reporters scattered.

On to the match...

The Kazoos ran onto the field, not knowing what to expect -- it was against Algal states that the Kazoos were dealt with their first loss of WC27 qualifying, and that was at HOME.

The Kazoos played cautiously for the first twenty minutes or so, and seeing that the Algal states defense was also playing cautiously, they decided to go on the offensive.

"There was just this look, and it said 'Let's go,'" explained Mohr Ganfreeman, star midfielder.

And "go" they did. First it was Chadd Johnson, tearing up the defensemen like ... well something ... (Chadd Johnson was right -- it is hard to make analogies), and scoring at minute 25. 1-0 Kazoos.

When the ball was back in play, the Kazoos took it right out of Algal states' hands, and Jonny Lampshade took care of the goalkeeper at minute 28. The Kazoos were now up 2-0.

The game was started up again, and it was Mohr Ganfreeman who took the ball up the gut, faked a shot, and passed it off to Chadd Johnson, who pounded it in past the diving goalkeeper at minute 31. It was 3-0 Kazoos, with all three goals scored in just over six minutes! The burst of energy mystified the general public, including local crazy person Donald McRonald:

"Well, them players must be taking them whatchamacallits, um, steroids! That's it!"

Steroid tests were conducted at the half by Algal states officials, who were also convinced that some form of doping took place, but results were negative.

While the first half came to a close with nothing eventful happening (the Kazoo players were still trying to regain their stamina), Kazoos still up 3-0.

Coming back from the locker room, the Kazoos took the field once more. They were sluggish for the first thirty minutes or so, and it showed. During the first thirty minutes of the second half, Algal states had possession of the football 25 of those minutes, and of that time, 20 minutes were spent on the Kazoo half of the field.

But as the Kazoos regained their stamina, the heat was turned up again.

Jonny Lampshade took the ball away from an Algal state midfielder, and began to run it upfield. He faked a pass to Chadd Johnson, fake shot it, then passed it to Johnson, who passed it right back. Lampshade shot! And it hit the crossbar, and bounced in the goal at minute 80. Lampshade with his second goal, 4-0 Kazoos.

But that wasn't enough for the Kazoos, it appeared. Chadd Johnson and Jonny Lampshade, each with a hat trick in sight, fought for the ball with the Algal states. Eventually, Chadd Johnson snatched the ball away, and made his way downfield to score a goal, and his first-ever hat trick in his career (and the first-ever in World Cup or Kazoo history). The score occured at minute 87, making the score 5-0, in favor of the Kazoos.

The final whistle blew, and the Kazoos finally felt like they had accomplished something great in the qualifying -- a huge win.

The win will no doubt lift spirits, and bring team morale to an all-time high. For a team who didn't do too well in the first half, it looks like they are making a comeback. Whether or not that spells "Q-U-A-L-I-F-I-C-A-T-I-O-N" remains to be seen.

---
GROUP TWO
The New Chakovnia 3-3 Bettia
Risa-Aramour 0-2 Nanakaland
Tynelia 1-1 The Weegies

Pos Team P W D L GF GA GD Pts
1 Bettia 9 7 2 0 30 13 17 23
2 Total n Utter Insanity 8 7 0 1 22 4 18 21
3 Nanakaland 9 7 0 2 16 12 4 21
4 The Kazoo Peoples 9 4 1 4 18 15 3 13
5 Tynelia 9 2 3 4 8 10 -2 9
6 The Weegies 9 2 3 4 11 14 -3 9
7 Algal states 9 3 0 6 11 23 -12 9
8 Risa-Aramour 9 2 2 5 6 18 -12 8
9 The New Chakovnia 9 0 1 8 12 25 -13 1

A very suprising day indeed, as the last-placed Chakovnians (not Chazovnia, as the Tynelian(?) media reports), drew with first-place Bettia by the margin of 3-3. So, The New Chakovnia can claim that they are not the worst team in World Cup 27 qualifying, right? Not so fast, my friend, as the team above them has two points. Good luck Chakovnians on trying to not be the worst team -- you're gonna need it!

The Kazoo win was nullified by the Nanakaland win, so the Kazoos are off third by 8 points. They will need a lot of luck if they hope to even chance qualification. We'll keep you posted. The Kazoos are now up 4 points from the teams behind them, so unless something drastic happens, they should stay in at least fourth place, at least for matchday 11.

---
Doh! -- shoulda read the manual

Dear Mr Aka;

We, here at Socket Wrenched Inc., appreciate your comments and suggestions on our products. Your suggestions have been taken on board and have been discussed with our designers. However the manual accompaning the socket clearly has written on it "Not to be used on Aircraft". This line can be found in extremely small print on the bottom of page 2. As a result of this being used in an incorrect application we cannot however give you a refund.

If you would like to discuss the matter more, please do not hesitate to contact me back at the following email address g.henryerson@socketwrenched.com.bz. Or by addressing any further written correspondance to

G. Henryerson
Consumer Complaints Manager
Socket Wrenched Inc.

Thank you for you time and hope that you will continue to use our products.

Yours Sincerly, George Henryerson
Consumer Complaints Manager, Socket Wrenched Inc.

Manni Aka read the letter from Socket Wrenched, Inc.

"Aha!" he exclaimed. "Maybe I shoulda read the manual. But honestly, who reads those things? Oh well. At least I know for... next time, right?"

---

PROGRESS IN WORLD CUP 27 (3-1-5):
MD1: loss to Algal states 3-1, home
MD2: loss to Total n Utter Insanity 2-0, home
MD3: loss to Milchama (friendly) 4-2, home
MD4: win over The Weegies 2-1, away
MD5: win over Risa-Aramour 2-0, home
MD6: win over The New Chakovnia 2-0, away
MD7: loss to Bettia 4-3, away
MD8: loss to Nanakaland 3-2, away
MD9: draw with Tynelia 1-1, home
---
MD10: win over Algal states 5-0, away
MD11: Total n Utter Insanity, away
MD12: Lowland Clans, TBD (friendly)
MD13: The Weegies, home
MD14: Risa-Aramour, away
MD15: The New Chakovnia, home
MD16: Bettia, home
MD17: Nanakaland, home
MD18: Tynelia, away

Atheistic Right

16-03-2006, 02:37

<The ARFA Sports Logo and theme music come on the screen then cut to a darkened studio which is lightened to reveal the 2 hosts>

"Welcome to ARFA Sports - Your Strongest Sports News Around. I'm Charles." - Charles

"And I'm Darwin. Welcome to the coverage of the 10th Matchday of the World Cup. We faced Cuation today at Natural Stadium... How did we do?" - Darwin

"What ever it was the Cuation team seemed uncomfortable at Natural stadium, whether it was the lack of "Amenities" as they called them or just finding it weird coming to such a great nation as Atheistic Right. We drew them." - Charles

"Fans that went to the stadium sure where in for a treat as 4 goals where scored in total, 2 by each team."- Darwin

"That's right, let's look at the first of those" - Charles

<Cut to the video>

Jackal received a pass from Badger, Jackal seemed to be ploughing for the goal not letting the 2 defenders that where in his way stop him from getting to the goalor getting the ball. He knocked them both down and was heading directly to the goalie... The eyes of th goalie where fixed on Jackal, but instead of him making a shot at goal he made a quick pass to Scorpion who using his patented quick shot(tm) scored leaving a bewildered goalie behind. Calls that Scorpion was off-side where quickly dismessed by the referee.

<cut back to the studio>

"What a great setup by Jackal there, why he did not score the goal for himself is mystery but the result is the same score 1 for Atheistic Right." - Darwin

"Now let's look at the second goal." - Charles

<cut to the video>

Snake was weaving his way through the defenders and there was an opportunity that arose, one of the defenders was slow to react to his movements and there was a direct shot at goal. This was his first prime opportunity for a goal and he did not let that go past. He took a shot and the ball just flew over the top a the diving goal keeper.

<cut back to the studio>

"What a opportunistic shot by Snake there and now there are some more things to discuss, are there?" - Darwin

"That's right, both New Monstreal States and The ArchPaininTheBut (both Charles and Darwin have a bit of a laugh) have denied any involvement with the Death of Cricket, one media report stated that cricket was a player." _) Charles

"Yes Charles, but you know Christians and the sneaky bunch they are, they probably did that on purpose to try and put us off the scent. But as you can see it has not worked." - Darwin

"I'm right with you there, Darwin but another interesting claim is that both of them state that there is a link between us and another nation called Anathematic Republic. The reason they think that is becuase we both share the same initials." - Charles

"Anathematic Republic, isn't that the nation that claim to be from Hell?" Darwin

"Exactly right, but we all know that Hell, does not exist. They just have access to monsters and claim to be from hell just to scare the Christians, lve what they're doing but, no way they are from Hell." - Charles

"hehe, Maybe they're scared we'll open peoples eyes to the folly of religion." - Darwin

"Exactly, unfortunately this is where we are going to have to leave it for now. I'm Charles." - Charles

"And I'm Darwin, don't forget ARFA Sports - The Strongest Sports News Around."

Spaam

16-03-2006, 03:08

Spaam Sports Weekly
NationStates' Most Notorious Sports Publication

Celebrating 100 Years of World Cup Participation

Bring Back Jelbert!

The Waffles' reliance on star keeper Morwetha Jelbert was proven last night,
when second-last placed Obsidianus gave Spaam a wake up call to pick up or
shut up. Jelbert was being rested from a flu, and was replaced by susbtitute
keeper, 23 year old Grada Paynter, son of former Spaamanian keeper Colan.
Spaam started the match with an early goal to fiery striker Cleder Cawrse in
the 8th minute, but it went down-hill from there. Obsidianus struck back in
the 23rd minute with a well placed goal by forward Alanus Belmorus, who
gave the home team the lead two minutes before the break.

Obsidianus looked like taking away the upset of the round, as they defended
against a determined and desparate Waffles attack. It wasn't until the 80th
minute that number 17 Mylor Goss equalised the match, who then made sure
Spaam took away the win against the team ranked more than a hundred
places below them. Coach Douchou Gee was understandably disappointed
with the effort: "A win's a win, but we should do better against a team like
this. It also highlights our dependancy on Morwetha [Jelbert], which we will
be working on."

Obsidianus 2:3 Spaam
(1 Belmorus 23, 43) (6 Cawrse 7; 17 Goss 80, 86)

The Group Of Death

Oliverry showed how good their attach is, when they went to Shing-Shang
and scored seven goals, but they need to work on their defense, allowing
three from the wooden-spoon contender. Priggdom continued to cause
trouble in the middle of the group, winning at home one-nil against perennial
complainers, Wentland. And East Lithuania continued to be the dark horse,
beating Haraki in an away game one goal to zip. Starblaydia a bye.

Shing-Shang 3:7 Oliverry
Priggdom 1:0 Wentland
Haraki 0:1 East Lithuania

Oliverry may have more points, but Starblaydia still holds the top of the table
with points per game. Lucky results saw Spaam leap to a four point lead over
the rest of the group, and they are only a win from first place, while Priggdom
moves back up to fourth, with East Lithuania and Wentland one point behind.
Haraki seems to have made seventh place their own, four points behind sixth,
but five ahead of eighth, and Obsidianus and Shing-Shang continue their
battle for the wooden spoon.

Pos Team P W D L GF GA GD Pts PPG G%
1 Starblaydia 8 6 1 1 26 2 24 19 2.4 93
2 Oliverry 9 6 2 1 29 13 16 20 2.2 69
3 Spaam 9 5 3 1 14 4 10 18 2.0 78
4 Priggdom 9 4 2 3 12 18 -6 14 1.6 40
5 East Lithuania 9 3 4 2 10 9 1 13 1.4 53
6 Wentland 9 4 1 4 16 17 -1 13 1.4 48
7 Haraki 9 3 0 6 4 13 -9 9 1.0 24
8 Obsidianus 9 1 1 7 9 21 -12 4 0.4 30
9 Shing-Shang 9 0 2 7 7 30 -23 2 0.2 19

Next Week

Starblaydia hosts Wentland in what should be yet another win for the world
number sevens, while Spaam host their bogey team, Shing-Shang. Star
goalie Jelbert should be back in the match, but Coach Gee will be having the
week off, leaving the reigns to Assistant Coach and former Waffles defender
Tamsyn Pengelley. There is also talk of resting a number of the regular
players, including captain Ivey, Goss, Cawrse, and Roskelly. East Lithuania
host Priggdom in what should be an interesting match, with analysts
predicting a close win by the home team, and everyone else hoping for a big
win. Obsidianus fly to Haraki, with Haraki hopefully adding another three
points from that game, while Oliverry have a bye and will stay in second.

Statistics

Home vs Away
P W D L GF GA GD Pts PPG G%
Home 4 3 1 0 9 0 9 10 2.5 100
Away 5 2 2 1 5 4 1 8 1.6 56
Total 9 5 3 1 14 4 10 18 2.0 78

Goal Scorers
No Name G P
17 Mylor Goss 5 9
1 Ewa Ivey 4 9
6 Cleder Cawrse 2 6
4 Crewenna Roskelly 2 9
11 Credan Trethewey 1 9
7 Colan Trebilcock -1 5

History
1 Spaam 4:0 Obsidianus W
2 Shing-Shang 1:1 Spaam D
3 Oliverry 1:0 Spaam L
4 BYE
5 Spaam 1:0 Haraki W
6 Priggdom 0:0 Spaam D
7 Starblaydia 0:1 Spaam W
8 Spaam 4:0 Wentland W
9 Spaam 0:0 East Lithuania D
10 Obsidianus 2:3 Spaam W
11 Spaam ?:? Shing-Shang ?

Photo Opportunities

Young 20 year old defender and number 14, Piran Venton, in a domestic match.

http://sportsnavi.yahoo.co.jp/soccer/pict/200306/030618_soc_postiga_b.jpg

Bedistan

16-03-2006, 03:19

Matchday 11 scores (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showthread.php?p=10582472#post10582472) are now available.

One team has been totally eliminated, and two can only qualify by means of a playoff.

Haraki

16-03-2006, 03:23

Vargas took a look at the Hawks' next game, occasionally sniffing, and with a tissue shoved up his left nostril. He was wrapped in a striped blanket with a big number 14 on the back, and had a cup of steaming tea in his right hand. Standing beside a chart on the wall of the Hawks' training room, he pointed at it and turned back to the team.

"Look at this!" he shouted, the last word turning into a cough as he instantly regretting raising his voice.

"Nine points," he said, much quieter. "Nine. The number one team, Starblaydia, have nineteen. They'll have twenty-two after their next game, against Wentland, who are four above us. We'll have twelve after Obsidianus, I'm fairly sure of that. That leaves a ten-point lead for us to make up in the next six games. That would mean Starblaydia lost every game except one, and it would make us need four victories to secure a number one spot.

"If they win two games, we need to win every game. If they win one, we need to win all but one. Am I making myself clear? We need to shape up or ship out! We can still win this and qualify! But to do so, we need at least nineteen points, to come out ahead of Spaam and claim third place. And that's if they lose every match! I couldn't possibly be more clear!

"We have performed miserably until now. We've performed the way I feel right now. But we can turn it around. We could win a qualifying, with a lot of good games, and a lot of luck. They need to play the worst they've ever played, and we need to play the best we've ever played. In our fucking lives. This is when it really counts. If we don't qualify, we're nothing. We go home and we look like losers. We couldn't win either trophy. Our goal difference is nine points behind, boys and girls. We're the laughingstock of the HFL. Your clubmates are making jokes about your team.

"Now, Mark, you'll be back in net against Obsidianus. Everyone, I expect a hard and fast game. None of this pussyfooting around. I want to score as many goals as possible. I don't care about their feelings, and I don't care about your feelings anymore. We're going to win this game. Lawrence, you're out. Julie, you're in. I want to have posession as much as possible. The more posession we have, the more likely we are to get shots on net. Pass to the people with good kicks. Mike, Manuel, Sam, Samantha, Tom - You all know the drill. Don't let up until we've scored at least nine points, and everything will go just fine. All right!"

The whole team watched him, stunned. He seemed excited and ready to play, despite his illness. He was desperate for a victory of some kind, and he would do anything to assure it. They could finally see that, now.

Sarzonia

16-03-2006, 04:13

Portland Press Herald

Revenge tastes sweet for Wilson, 3-0

by Landon Schmidt
Special to the Press-Herald

WOODSTOCK (15 March 2006) -- Finally, one half hour after the Sarzonian national team put the wraps on a 3-0 victory over Hypocria's national selection, Coach Dave Wilson opened up about a subject he'd been holding close to the vest ever since his shock return to the Stars before World Cup XXVI finals play began.

"I could read the tea leaves over there," Wilson said. "There was a concerted effort to force me out [in Hypocria]. I was definitely not planning on just sitting on a pension and going fly fishing, that's for sure.

"The Hyppos will never qualify until the [Hypocrian Football Association] get their collective heads out of their arses and develop under a coach who's ready to see them through to the World Cup finals. It's a shame because there's really a lot of great things about Hypocria. They're just too bloody impatient."

Wilson's comments all but overshadowed a football match in which the Stars (9-0-0) thoroughly outclassed the Hyppos (4-2-4, fifth place Group 4). The Stars set a national team record for most consecutive wins without a draw or loss to start a World Cup qualifying campaign and stretched their lead back to seven points clear of idle Krytenia.

"We just played a nice, solid game of football," goalkeeper Roger Treadway said. Before the World Cup XXVII qualifying campaign began, Treadway was considered a question mark after taking over for national team legend Horace Sandt. Treadway made four saves, including two point blank stops with Hypocria down 1-0 shooting for the equaliser just before the first half closed.

"Treadway has been great for us," defender Mike Cole said. "He's learned a lot and he's played well for us."

Hypocria may well have learned a valuable lesson: Don't cross the boss. Especially when the boss's name is Dave Wilson.

Haraki

16-03-2006, 04:16

The Hawks took the field eagre to prove themselves to Vargas. They had just received the speech from their sick coach that had gievn them the no-bullshit assessment of their chances. And, as they left the Atherlon training room to take the field against Obsidianus, on Champion Field, they couldn't help but notice the attendance was the lowest of any Harakian game all cup. After seeing them defeated by East Lithuania, people simply hadn't had the guts to come out and watch another game. A pity, because everyone would want to say they were there the next day at the water cooler.

The Obsidianan team seemed slightly overconfident. They had only been beaten 1-0 last time, and they had scored a lot of goals since then. With nine goals for them through the tournament, they were averaging one per game. Haraki had four, averaging half a goal per game. However, Obsidianus played with a weak defence, and so Haraki's sharpshooters could have their fill of the opposition net.

Obsidianus won the coin toss and chose to start with the tap. They thought that if they could score early and defeat Haraki's star defence, they could break the back of the offence and escape with a victory. It was a good plan, but one that wouldn't last five minutes. In the fourth minute of the game, midfield Julie Vern stole the ball from the Obsidianan team and made her way downfield with it. Quick passes back and forth between her, Thomas Neils, and Manuel Cortes resulted in a shot by Cortes. It was caught and thrown back in, but the Obsidianan team had barely had it for a minute when Haraki midfield Luke Ford elbowed their player aside to get the ball. The referee blew his whistle and called both players over.

He spent half a minute telling Ford to watch himself and warning him he didn't want to show him a card before sending them back out. The Obsidianan had the ball, and Ford just stood in front of him. As the Obsidianan, knowing Ford couldn't try anything now, with the referee watching, went straight for him. Ford simply reached out with a hooking kick and swatted the ball aside, where it was retrieved by Samantha Ribald, who passed up to Julie Vern. The Obsidianan player got indignant, but Ford simply grinned and jogged away.

Meanwhile, the ball was getting downfield quickly. It made its way to Neils, who had a shot opportunity. But it was with his off foot, and into a bad position in the net. Although it could well have gone in, he relinquished the goal and the glory, and instead passed off to the wide open Samuel Sharp, who took the kick instantly. It sailed through the net and scored Haraki a one goal lead.

They were eagre to extend the lead as quickly as possible, and so as soon as they had the ball again, they took off down the field. As Vargas had bidden them, they were not planning to stop scoring until they had eliminated their nine goal deficit. Neils' excellent passing foot would rack him up another assist for the tournament, as he made a long pass up to Zendar, who saw his shot and took it. It whizzed its way into the net, and the Hawks had their second goal of the game. Both Harakian forwards had secured one.

Well into the second quarter, the Hawks got their third goal. Vern, with the ball, was advancing down the field, doing what she did best. She was jinking the ball up and down, making her way around two seperate players before making a pass behind her back to Samantha Ribald, who took a shot. It bounced off the goalie's outstretched leg as they dropped to one knee and ricocheted out to Manuel Cortes, who saw a chance he may never have seen again. With a fire in his eyes, he slid down and kicked the ball out, slamming it home into the net past the goalie, who, down on one knee as he was, was in no position to stop the ball. Haraki had a three goal lead with ten minutes left to play in the first half.

Although the Hawks maintained posession for most of the remainder, the Obsidianans pulled off their first goal. A series of mid-range passes got the ball up the field very quickly, and then a quick shot from a forward into the corner of the net got past Mark Stone. It was the best of Obsidianus' four shots in the first half, and it made its way in. So much for a Harakian shutout.

During halftime, Vargas raged at them. He told them although they were doing fine, they still had six goals left to score, so they had better pick it up a notch. The second half started, and the Hawks were ready to kill.

Unfortunately, the Obsidianus team was much better prepared for the second half. Haraki's offence had the kickoff, and although their offensive ended in a shot at goal, it was little more than a token effort. The Obsidianans were suddenly motivated and prepared for Haraki's fierce offence. The ball made its way back and forth, until finally the Obsidianans, with twenty minutes down, scored another goal. It was pure skill, with an offensive midfield making a shot worthy of the record books. With the Harakians suddenly only winning by one goal, it seemed the tide may have been turning.

All those who said that were wrong. Only seven minutes later, Mike Zendar scored his second goal of the match. His superb kicking foot sailed it up and into the corner of the goal where it was impossible to reach. Haraki were up two points again, and so it remained as the time wound down. When the game ended, the Hawks had tried valiantly and succeeded with a much more impressive victory than last time.

The Hawks go to Shing-Shang on Matchday Twelve for their last game against the team which already cannot qualify directly.

Haraki 4 - Obsidianus 2

Sharp (11)
Zendar (20)
Cortes (36)
(42) Forward 'A'
(64) Midfield 'A'
Zendar (71)

The Archregimancy

16-03-2006, 04:19

THE ARCHREGIMANCY BRINGS YOU

WORLD CUP TONIGHT

With Fr. Nicholas the Scribe and Fr. John the Golden-Throated

"So..... Fr. John.... coming down yet?"

"Er, ummmm, yes, Fr. Nicholas. I'm quite recovered, and might I add how embarressed I am at yesterday's performance. My Spiritual Father is most displeased with me."

"I'm not surprised!"

"Yes, well, the only thing going in my favour is that I didn't know I'd eaten a Lesser Spotted Slavic Psycho 'Shroom, so my little episode was the result of a lack of knowledge rather than wilfully sinful behaviour. But still...."

"What is it, Fr. John?"

"I can't shake the feeling that while I was hallucinating, I had some sort of long conversation with Satan. The details escape me, but...."

"Well, the Enemy is subtle, Fr. John - but if it happened, no doubt we'll hear about it from the Anathematic Republics. Anyway, what about last night's match? Rejistania.... Away...."

"Oh, right! Yes! Of course! Well, Fr. Nicholas, this was a crunch match. A test of Christian virtue against the sinfullness of heathen virgin-slayers. The lads - or rather the dream simulacra who replaced them - were looking for an upset draw against the 8th-ranked team in the world, a draw that would keep them in the play-off hunt. A loss wouldn't be the end of the world with Praying2God on a bye day, but a win was surely unthinkable, despite a past record against the Orange-Blues that read one win, one draw, and one loss.

The first half went much as expected.... The heathen opposition sat on the ball, happy to defend, never attacking. The world's best squad of not-entirely-real dreamed re-creations of footballing Orthodox monks meanwhile tried to break through the massed ranks of Rejistanian defenders. Quite frankly, there are no highlights. The entire first half was - to use ordinary reality slang - 'dullsville'. No amount of fervent prayer could change that.

But kick-off in the second half brought about what must surely be one of the most extraordinary goals in this qualification campaign. Fr. David the Water-Drinker kicked off to Fr. Constantine the Learned, who seemed to spot Jeri Kis off his line. Fr. Constantine lobbed the ball upfield from the halfway line, it seemed to catch a gust of wind, and just cleared over the outstretched arms of the furiously backpeddalling and desperately humiliated goalkeeper. I'll charitably put that one down to a lack of experience on the part of the rising young goalkeeper, though there are rumours that he knows a thing or two himself about artificially-created simulacra. Others have ascribed the freak wind-assisted goal to the movement of the Holy Spirit through the stadium, though I for one reserve judgement on that.

And that goal was that. The Orange-Blues seemed to be paralysed into indecision by falling behind at home - though the decision by the Rejistanian coach to leave Jenji Karu on the bench in an attempt to avoid further controversy over her morals (or lack thereof) might not have helped - while Coach Kyrill, Metropolitan of Solovetsky pulled off both forwards and replaced them with the two Fr. Alexanders in defence in a move which I'd almost describe as 'karelan' if I didn't know better than to ascribe heathen motives to the God-fearing coach. As tactics go, it was - by our standards - at the very least unorthodox. With a small O.

So after another 45 minutes of excruciatingly dull football, the simulated lads had walked out with a 1-0 victory, and the Archregimancy's lifetime record against Rejistania reads: played four, won two, drawn one, lost one. God be praised! I'll say it before and I'll say it again... worshipping heathen garments like the hexing tuxedo is no way to decide football tactics...."

"Thank you, Fr. John.... now, what about New Preussen's accusations that using dream simulacra in some matches might consist of cheating?"

"Really, Fr. Nicholas... how many times do we have to say it? MONKS DON'T CHEAT!!!!! Much like the rules of football are rigorously and fairly observed when matches are played inside the Archregimancy, the dream simulacra are direct replicas of the players they represent. They play precisely the same way as the players themselves do, no better and no worse. Just think of the amount of time we'd have to spend in confession if we were cheating.... Losing 4-0 to Bazalonia was the least New Preussen deserved."

"And I'm sure you'll agree, Fr. John, that unfounded accusations from heretical Catholic crusaders can't change the fact that whatever happens after our bye on the next match day, we're still going to be topping the table on match day 12.... Just as long as we don't succumb to the sin of false pride, it's beginning to look - just maybe - as if all those prayers over qualification might finally be answered."

Pos Team P W D L GF GA GD Pts
1 The Archregimancy 10 7 2 1 23 12 11 23
2 Praying2God 9 6 1 2 23 9 14 19
3 Rejistania 9 6 1 2 17 5 12 19
4 Rordia 10 6 1 3 17 12 5 19
5 Swilatia 10 4 3 3 16 17 -1 15
6 New Preussen 10 3 0 7 9 24 -15 9
7 Bazalonia 10 2 2 6 14 14 0 8
8 Popolus 10 2 2 6 11 23 -12 8
9 The Footie Dream Team 10 1 2 7 7 21 -14 5

Magnus Valerius

16-03-2006, 04:32

The Isangrad Time
GOOOOOAAAAAL!!!!
Magnus Valerius's Losing Streak Takes A Respite As Boyars Beat Harlesburg, 0-1

HARLESBURG -- Amidst public disapproval of the Boyars and their horrendous record so far in World Cup 27, they still show that they can pull off some miracles. They have a few things up their sleeves and they aren't eliminated yet, as their game in Matchday 11 showed us today. Most of Magnus Valerius believed that the Boyars were to be eliminated after today or tomorrow.

The game started off slow. Harlesburg tried to break the hardline defense of Bobrinsky, Wong, and Lucinius, but all of their shots were refused. A couple came close to getting in the goal at the 15th and 22nd minutes, but towering Gustav Sibel made some quick saves to prevent Harlesburg gaining any points in the first half (and in the second half as well).

With defense taking care of the goal, the Boyar strikers decided to rush in and try to keep the pressure on Harlesburg. It worked when George Illyanich (#1), our National Football Star, made a quick shot off of Urt-Urumqi's pass and bagged a goal for Magnus Valerius at the 31st. Although they were unable to get any more shots against Harlesburg, Magnus Valerius kept them away from the ball and the goal as much as possible, keeping the pressure tight against a team that is ranked much higher than the inexperienced Valerian team.

In the end, the shocking victory over Harlesburg made some critics of the national football team and its coach, Ilya Pavlov, eat their hearts out. Although Magnus Valerius is in no way a top team in Group Ten, they sure can put on a show and put up a fight against other teams that may have more experience than they do. The game was clearly won and the team has been saved from elimination... at least for now.

In other games in Group Ten, Hockey Canada draws with Kaze Progressa in a 1-1 ALL game. Majeristan ekes out a 1-0 win versus Crna Gora Liv Eng, which has the worst record of the entire group with one win. McPsychoville does a hat trick against Imperial Moose, whose team walked away empty in a 3-0 win for McPsychoville. Tomorrow, Magnus Valerius hosts McPsychoville and hopes to give them a reckoning for the rather harsh defeat they incurred last week. We can't say anything good will happen, but we surely have hope in our team... again.

Game Results

Harlesburg (0) v. Magnus Valerius (1) (AWAY)

Game Goals:

G. Illyanich (#1) - 31st

GROUP TEN SCORES
Hockey Canada 1-1 Kaze Progressa
Majeristan 1-0 Crna Gora Liv Eng
McPsychoville 3-0 Imperial Moose

Pos Team P W D L GF GA GD Pts
1 Hockey Canada 9 7 2 0 18 7 11 23
2 Casari 9 7 1 1 21 5 16 22
3 Majeristan 10 5 1 4 14 14 0 16
4 Kaze Progressa 10 4 2 4 11 10 1 14
5 Harlesburg 10 4 2 4 10 9 1 14
6 Imperial Moose 10 3 3 4 10 18 -8 12
7 McPsychoville 10 3 2 5 11 12 -1 11
[b] 8 Magnus Valerius 10 2 1 7 4 13 -9 7
9 Crna Gora Liv Eng 10 1 2 7 4 15 -11 5

The Second Half of WC27 Qualifiers (Schedule):

MD10: Magnus Valerius v. Casari L 0-1
MD11: Harlesburg v. Magnus Valerius W 0-1
MD12: Magnus Valerius v. McPsychoville @ Nikeah Bowl, NIKEAH
MD13: Crna Gora Liv Eng v. Magnus Valerius
MD14: Magnus Valerius v. Hockey Canada @ Seaside Dome, ALEXANDRIA
MD15: Kaze Progressa v. Magnus Valerius
MD16: Magnus Valerius v. Majeristan @ Tsar's Area, ISANGRAD
MD17: Imperial Moose v. Magnus Valerius
MD18: Free Day

Allied Anime Worlds

16-03-2006, 05:14

Endymion pulled the presidential car up to the presidential residence. It had been a long day for him like many these past two weeks. It wasn't surprising, however, since he had allowed a lot of his work to pile up while he participated in the Baptism of Fire. As far as he was able to follow, the team, newly christened the Silver Pandas, was in a large slump. Well, he thought, maybe Colonel Miyahama would work her magic. He'd find out shortly, as he had arrived at home in time for the evening news on SNN. Endymion looked at his residence. It was small but luxurious, and it suited him much better than the sprawling Imperial Palace of Neo-Crystal Tokyo or Neo-Crystal Tokyo 2.

The door opened before Endymion reached it. It was Mahoro, Secretary of the Incredibly Obvious and maid attached to the presidential residence. Endymion thought it unseemingly to have a cabinet level secretary as a maid, but Mahoro said that housework pleased her. Her model, the plans of which had been lost in the Flight, was originally supposed to be a household robot. Besides, it was good to have her around when Endymion overlooked something incredibly obvious.

"Good evening, Mr. President," Mahoro said and bowed.

"Good evening," Endymion replied. "Don't tell me how the game went, I want to hear it on the news." Endymion stopped in the kitchen to pick up the light snack that Mahoro always prepared for him before he arrived at home, assuming work didn't keep her in the office. Tonight it was a chilled, unpeeled orange (just the way he liked it) and a half-glass of white wine. Endymion identified it by scent and taste; Neo-Shinjuku, FY 4150. It would be just the thing to help him unwind. He sat down in the living room, fired up his television, and turned it to SNN, just in time for the sports news.

"This is the Silver News Network," the familiar male voice proudly announced. "Bringing you the news since the rebirth of the Silver Millenium." The TV then showed Miko Hasegawa in the newsroom.

"Good evening, I'm Miko Hasegawa," she introduced herself again. "Tonight the Silver Pandas tasted victory for the first time since the Baptism of Fire, defeating Baptism of Fire rivals Mr Chuck Norris in a stunning 4-2 victory." Endymion smiled and took a sip of his wine. So Chio was working her magic.

The television showed the Silver Pandas and The Fighting Norrises filing onto the field. The Silver Pandas kick off to themselves. "Was it a rousing pep talk from Chio? Was it something in the water? Has the team finally gotten their heads screwed on right? Who knows? What we do know is that the Federation team came out swinging early today, just like we saw in the Baptism of Fire games. Here's what happened in the fifth minute."

The television showed a Heli-cam shot of Rina Negative with the ball. Endymion liked the Heli-cams, agile autonomous cameras that allowed a much closer view of the game than traditional cameras. "Jack Moon, Pat Smock, and Scottest Hovest all converged on Rina Negative at the same time, perhaps counting on the now infamous 'Curse of the Federation Midfield.' It seems, however, that whomever or whatever working that vile magic has gone on vacation," Miko narrated as Rina lobbed a high pass to Gary Gabriov, "and Gary took advantage of the hole left in the Fighting Norrises' defenses, driving strong to the middle. He defeated Scottest Hovest and blasted the ball past Mr. Bednarik, scoring a goal. The few Silver Pandas fans who did show up to today's game cheered ecstatically." Endymion heard some faint cheering through his television's speakers. "As you can hear," Miko continued, "there were not many."

The camera showed the Fighting Norrises kick off to themselves. "Not to be outdone," Miko continued narrating, "The Fighting Norrises retaliated ferociously for the rest of the half." OJ Pimoson had the ball, and then passed it up to Chuck Norris. The Fighting Norrises fans started chanting "Roundhouse! Roundhouse!"

"Seeing the imminent danger, both Mugen and Yuki Miya rushed full tilt to get to the ball and challenege Chuck Norris, but they never got the chance." Chuck Norris roundhouses the ball, which sends it flying faster than even Gary Gabriov's shot. "To the shock of many," Miko said, "Mahoro was not prepared for a shot from so far away from the goal. The ball rolled in, to the annoyance of the fans, the team, and most of all, Chio Miyahama. She did not, however, take Mahoro out at this time."

The television showed a Heli-cam shot of Chuck Norris immediately after he made the goal. Chuck turned to the Federation sideline, and more specifically toward Gene Wil. "That!" Chuck said, "is how you kick a soccer ball!"

Next was a Heli-cam shot of Gene Wil, who sat unperturbed on the sidelines. "Hmm," was all he said.

"Next, the Federation team kicked off to The Fighting Norrises. This was a mistake, probably because Gary Gabriov was a little to excited to kick the ball hard." The television showed the ball sailing back, into the hands of Mr. Bednarik. He rolled the ball up to Jack Moon, who advanced the ball. "There was some back-and-forth action for the remainder of the first quarter and through most of the second, until the following happened in the 40th minute."

The television showed a Heli-cam shot of Fighting Norrises midfielder Yanni Karvov with the ball. He defeated Uten Tenshi and advanced, but passed to Chuck Norris. The Fighting Norrises fans started chanting "Roundhouse! Roundhouse!"

"This time, however," Miko continuted, "Yuki Miya and Mugen were ready for him, and were in position to challenege. Knowing full well the prowess of the Defensive Dymanic Duo, he decided instead to take advantage of a hole in the Federation defense that The Burger King had found. So he passed it off." The Burger King receieved the ball, and blasted a textbook-perfect goal past Mahoro. "Here's what The Burger King had to say after scoring his goal."

The TV showed a Heli-cam shot of The Burger King silently pumping his fist into the air.

"It looked like the Federation fans were in for yet another disappointment, until the 53rd minute, shortly after Coach Miyahama replaced Raye Sun with Shinji Ikau."

The TV showed a Heli-cam shot of Gary Gabriov with the ball. "After dodging around Scottest Hovest, he found himself on a collision course with ♪. So he passed it off to Shinji Ikau before slamming into poor ♪. Mr. Bednarik was momentarily distracted, and Shinji capitalized on this to score the tying goal. Amazingly, ♪ only suffered a sprained ankle in the collision, while the much larger Gary Gabriov was unhurt. Gary was issued a yellow card, but was applauded by fans of both teams for helping ♪ off of the field. The goal was allowed to stand because the Gabriov passed the ball away before the collision."

The TV reverted to the newsroom. "Unfortunately, that's almost all the time we have for sports. Uten Tenshi and Lt. Souske scored the remaining goals. Here's the scoring summary:"

The Fighting Norrises: 2
Chuck Norris(10)
The Burger King(40)

The Silver Pandas:
Gary Gabriov (5)
Shinji Ikau (53)
Uten Tenshi(62)
Lt. Sagara Souske(81)

"We have just enough time left over for some post-game commentary. here's what some of our team had to say."

The TV showed Sagara in the Federation locker room. "We needed this win. Badly," he said. "We hope to continue to do the Federation proud in the following games."

The TV cut to Fuwa Rin, reserve fullback. "It was a breath of fresh air to see our team working together again," Fuwa said. "I even stopped a shot attempt late in the game! Yay!"

The TV cut to Chio Miyahama. "I'm glad to see all that practice pay off," she smiled. "I was starting to think it was all futile. I look forward to playing a strong second half."

The TV returned to the newsroom. "And that's really all the time we have," Miko said. "Be sure to tune in tomorrow night for the results of our game against The Belmore Family."

Endymion got up and stretched. He marched off to bed immediately, because he had a long day tomorrow. Again. It would be a LONG time before he took that much time off for anything, much less an international football tournament. "Good night, Mahoro," he called.

"Good night, Mr. President!" she said.

Audioslavia

16-03-2006, 05:16

http://www.geocities.com/lifeobrien/bull.txt
FIVE-NIL
Its the second biggest win in our history, you know..

Yesterday we ran an article on how Nedalia were robbed in the first fixture between the two teams. In the reverse fixture, there was no doubting the winner of the game, both technically and morally.

Audioslavia hammered Nedalia five nil in a grotesquely one-sided game. From the off the 'slaves took control, maintaining posession even if they weren't making too much headway. By the quarter of an hour mark though they were making more and more inroads into Nedalia's defence and, on the stroke of seventeen minutes, they breached it. A long ball into the box from Kabaofo Alanila was missed in the air by Mo Khadra. The ball bounced awkwardly for Arturo Vitalis who was following up, but with a flick of his left foot he brought the ball under his spell before shrugging off a challenge from Ben Turner. A quick pass accross the box saw Mussorgski arriving, the midfielder powered the ball into the bottom corner, and Audioslavia were ahead.

After that, the game generally got bogged down in midfield. The 'slaves haven't had many two-goal leads over the qualifiers and they weren't expecting another, so by half time, it all looked set for a Nedalian fight back.

The fight back never came. Instead, their defensive floodgates opened on fifty five minutes with Didi Mussorgsky's 25-yard grass-cutting strike which nestled in the bottom left corner and put Audioslavia 2-0 up. Within three minutes Vitalis had increased the advantage, finding himself all alone after a through-ball from Fiori and slotting the ball home.

The mood in the stadium was jubilant, and it only got better as Audioslavia put themselves 4-0 ahead on sixty six minutes, this time through a header from centre half Robbie Stuart from a corner.

Nedalia looked like pale imitations of the side that came so close to beating the 'slaves a year ago. It dawned on many people in the Silver Jubilee Stadium that this was the team that had conceded four goals against Berner Street, had been dismantled so easily by Chicanada and the lowly Ocmeoub, and had failed to take three points from Pedriana.

The fifth and final goal came in the eightieth minute in the middle of a period where the 'slaves were playing exhibition football on the edge of the Nedalian box. Fiori broke through and made to slot the ball past the advancing goalie, but instead he stopped and knocked the ball sideways for Mussorgsky to finish into an empty net for his hat-trick, and for five-nil. Its Audioslavia's biggest win for 34 years, its Nedalia's biggest loss in their history, it increases Audioslavia's record-breaking winning streak, and its put Nedalia in a whole heap of shit.

Pos Team P W D L GF GA GD Pts
1 Audioslavia 9 9 0 0 22 6 16 27
2 Chicanada 10 6 1 3 15 7 8 19
3 Commerce Heights 9 5 2 2 17 8 9 17
4 Ariddia 10 4 3 3 20 16 4 15
5 Kelse 10 4 3 3 16 14 2 15
6 Nedalia 10 3 3 4 18 24 -6 12
7 Pedriana 10 2 2 6 8 15 -7 8
8 Berner Street 10 1 3 6 11 23 -12 6
9 Ocmeoub 10 1 1 8 9 23 -14 4

Audioslavia are still dominant in the group, this time holding their huge advantage over Chicanada, who took advantage of Commerce Heights' bye day to beat Ocmeoub by a convincing five goals to two. Ariddia also got themselves an impressive win, giving Berner Street a hiding by the same score as our match. The dangerous Kelse side's fortunes took a turn however as they were beaten at home by Pedriana. Kelse now find themselves in fifth place, although they're still within shouting distance of the playoffs. Nedalia look like a team in crisis. Analysts were tipping them as contenders for the automatic qualification spot, but their form has been sporadic and they find themselves seven points adrift of qualification with just six games in which to make it up. Time is running out for the Nedalian Lions, they seriously need to re-group and make a final last ditch effort to get themselves a hope of qualifying.

I've been Jeremy Jaffacake, G'nite bitches.

Becquerelia

16-03-2006, 05:49

(OOC: Wondering about Becquerelia's roster, uniforms, home stadium, or whatever? We wonder no more, and head to Becquerelia's roster post (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=10526289&postcount=63).)

And we turn back around to see what's behind us:

http://www.geocities.com/becquerelia/images/greenwombat.gif Green wombat - (0)__________(3) - Becqureliahttp://www.geocities.com/becquerelia/images/bnff.gif

VICTORY!!!
Becquerelia Beats Green Wombat In Rout

Roentgen (JNS) - It had been 11 long games since the National Team had won a football game.

Becquerelia hadn't scored multiple goals in a game for 13 games.

But the long wait it over. Becquerelia defeated Green wombat 3-0.

"They beat us twice. We we're mad that they beat us twice. We wanted to win this one." Said a joyful and excited Head Coach Macarius Ransome on the field after the game. "But how about our play?!"

During the time leading up to the game, the coaching staff and players spoke repeatedly about putting a new emphasis on offense after nine games of low-scoring defensive football. And it obviously worked, as Becquerelia quickly went on the offensive, sending six men on the attack, which obviously stunned the Green wombat defense, who were surely expecting another defensive effort by the team.

The first goal of the game was scored by Forward Peter Constantine in the 9th minute. Becquerelia then snuffed up Green wombat's drive immediatly after that and came back and scored again, again by Peter Constantine in the 14th minute. For the rest of the first half, Becquerelia continued pressing their attack. The third goal of the game came in the 86th minute, as Captain and Defender Christopher Fullbright somehow scored a goal on a corner kick.

Midfielder Michael Silva described the goal as a combination of "a nice kick, alot of wind, a pile-up near the net, the lights, the goalkeeper being confused, and luck."

Overall, Peter Constantine said the real difference maker in the game was the fans.

"In Green wombat, we were surrounded by a whole bunch of paramilitary type people with very large guns. When Green wombat scored, they started shooting into the air, and goodness knows that will take anyone off their game. But here, our fans were loud, they were obnoxious, I'm sure many of them were drunk. It was spectacular!"

Now the National Team is too see if this offensive run will continue on in the future.

Coach Ransome would say during the post-game press conference, "We surprised Green wombat with our play today, but now no one else will be surprised by it. But I think we've showed just what kind of team we can be, and I'm sure we'll be winning a bunch of games in the future!"

Becquerelia's Current Results and Upcoming Schedule
Home Team Last
WIN DRAW LOSS

MD01: Becquerelia - 0 Pastorville - 2
MD02: Becquerelia - 0 Green wombat - 1
MD03: Emporer Pudu - 0 Becquerelia - 0
MD04: Lovisa - 1 Becquerelia - 1
MD05: Becquerelia - 0 Androssa Se Mitrin Vega - 2
MD06: BYE
MD07: Georgeonia - 1 Becquerelia - 1
MD08: Tadjikstan - 1 Becquerelia - 1
MD09: Becquerelia - 0 Giant Zucchini - 0
MD10: Pastorville - 1 at Becquerelia - 1
MD11: Green wombat - 0 Becquerelia - 3
MD12: Becquerelia (1-6-3) at Emporer Pudu (2-5-3)
MD13: Becquerelia (1-6-3) at Lovisa (7-2-0)
MD14: Androssa Se Mitrin Vega (5-1-4) at Becquerelia (1-6-3)
MD15: BYE
MD16: Becquerelia (1-6-3) at Georgeonia (3-3-4)
MD17: Becquerelia (1-6-3) at Tadjikistan (5-3-1)
MD18: Giant Zucchini (2-2-6) at Becquerelia (1-6-3)

Dorian and Sonya

16-03-2006, 05:59

Mystical Unicorns Continue Freefall

The stage was set for a wonderful rematch of MD2 when the Mystical Unicorns pulled a surprise upset over Tanah Burung. However, that rematch was not to be as glorious as the Unicorns would have liked. The final score - Tanah Burung 3-1 the Unicorns.

Queen Sonya sat quietly on the plane ride back to Dorian and Sonya. Obviously upset at the outcome. This many losses in a row tends to break the spirit of a young squad rather quickly. But at least they were finally going to get a three game homestand. Something the Unicorns needed rather badly. She looked around the plane, feeling every bit of the dejection that seemed to fill the air.

Luthien Oronar, coach of the girls, sat quietly pouring over the match reports. Some changes were definitely in order. Alassea Culnámo would certainly replace Alassea Sáralondë in the net for the next match. In fact, the only player assured of keeping her starting position was forward Altáriël Telperiën, who once again single-handedly scored the only goal for the Unicorns.

Perhaps the return to Elanesse Tulcokelume in the capital city of White Hall would make some sort of difference. After all this was the same group of girls who shocked the WC by downing the powerhouse Vilita as well as Tanah Burung the first time around.

A rematch against Qazox was up next, and the Ox Worshippers had gotten the better end of things last time. But this time would see the match played in Dorian and Sonya. Now Queen Sonya just had to wait and see if it would be enough to give the girls the edge they needed in the match.

http://i40.photobucket.com/albums/e228/Sonya0111/DSPitchChart.gif

Andossa Se Mitrin Vega

16-03-2006, 06:02

http://i14.photobucket.com/albums/a318/stormgiantxxxl/ASMVFNN.jpg

Curse of the Sea Dragons Resurfaces

This is Kellan Kildan reporting live from Stadii Se Draggonni Arcea

ASMV returned home today to face a squad from Emperor Pudu that they should have easily walked all over. But the demons that have caused the Sea Dragons to falter against such competition in the past resurfaced once again. And now back to back losses against inferior opponents have our squad in a desperate scramble to regain their form before it is too late once again.

Porche Alexander once again scored the only goal for ASMV, solidifying herself as the big threat of the Sea Dragon attack. Other than that it was an extremely lackluster performance that led to Pudu’s escaping with a 2-1 victory.

The loss by ASMV allowed Tadjikistan to reclaim 2nd position in the group. And all experience says that they will not surrender it again. That leaves the Sea Dragons to try to hold off a group of squads currently led by the also struggling Pastorville. Georgeonia looks to be the hot side in that chasing group and could be the team to watch.

Next our boys remain here at home to face off against group leaders Lovisa, a side which pounded us 5-0 in a controversial match at their place. If ASMV hopes to hold on to the coveted 3rd spot, they must come away with at least one point in this one. The good news is that Pastorville plays host to Tadjikistan. If the Tadjiks win, it puts more distance between ASMV and Pastorville. If the Saints get the upset, ASMV can move back into the 2nd spot with a win.

Tune in next time to see if the “Curse of the Sea Dragons” continues.

http://i14.photobucket.com/albums/a318/stormgiantxxxl/ASMVPitchChart.gif

Green wombat

16-03-2006, 06:28

GREEN WOMBAT DAILY NEWS

Where losing is our expert export

Becquerelia dominated Greenwombat, ending the home squad's winnless streak in the World Cup. it also marke the 1st time Green womabt had lost to this team. Goals were scored by Peter Constantine in the 9th minute and in the 14th. In the 86th minute, as Captain and Defender Christopher Fullbright surprisingly scored on a corner kick, a rarity in soccer. this loss drops Green wombat back into 7th place, now 6pts out of a playoff berth, with 2 more road games in the next 2 days, the fighting wombats have almost no chance to qualify.

Qazox

16-03-2006, 06:53

QAZOX CITY HERALD

Yes it's still 1900, no need to get violent about it people

Somehow or another, Hiiraan beat Qazox 1-0 in Hiiraan, even though that country is no longer in existance. The Qazoxian Football Council has protested the playing of this match, but the WCC will probably deny our protest. Hiiraan's only goal came after not only a yellow card, but a Red card were given to our keeper John Frorr. The 1st came in the 35th minute as Frorr was carded for pushing a Hiiraan striker off of him after he made a brilliant save. The second proved costly, as Frorr came out of the box to collect a stray pass and tripped another Hiiraan player, the referee held up a Red card in the 77th minute, declaring Frorr's tackle to be vicious. A penalty kick was granted, and Hiiraan's Midfielder #6 put the ball just past Kiel Venice, who was allowed to defend the kick.

Head Coach Frank Fuller had this to say after the match: "FU(~ing referees, not only was that tackle legal, we should not of had to play in the Deep void of what was left of Hiiraan. This match shouldn't of F^(King happened and I hope the referee gets trampled by a wilderbeast as he and his gay lover have carnal relations with a Zucchini (no offense to Giant Zucchini). I don't care if I get suspended for this. this is the 2nd match we've lost on the road due to S#!tty officating"

The QFC has suspeneded Frank Fuller 2 games for his comments and Assisstant Coach Larry Cable will take over for the rest of this road trip. Qazox will travel to Dorian and Sonya to take on the Unicorns, and hopefully Qazox will take at least a point out of this. the Black Oxen are now 2 points out of 3rd place, but will have a chance to catch up as Third place Tanah Burung will take on group leader Eauz tommorrow.

Match Day 11 results and standings:
GROUP THREE
Eauz 1-1 Milchama
Elrich 3-0 Valertinette
Tanah Burung 3-1 Dorian and Sonya
Hiiraan 1-0 Qazox

Pos Team P W D L GF GA GD Pts
1 Eauz 9 7 1 1 29 3 26 22
2 Vilita 9 7 1 1 27 8 19 22
3 Tanah Burung 10 5 0 5 14 14 0 15
4 Milchama 10 4 2 4 16 20 -4 14
5 Qazox 10 4 1 5 11 12 -1 13
6 Elrich 10 4 1 5 13 18 -5 13
7 Hiiraan 10 3 3 4 7 10 -3 12
8 Dorian and Sonya 10 2 2 6 9 23 -14 8
9 Valertinette 10 2 1 7 6 24 -18 7

Qazox's Qualifing Schedule

Match Day One--@ Elrich LOST 0-3
Match Day Two--Vs. Hiiran LOST 0-1 at Fromburg Field, Fromburg: Attendence: 17,000
Match Day Three--Vs. Dorian and Sonya WON 2-0 at Estadia Pika, Pika City: Attendence: 77,988.
Match Day Four--Vs. Eauz LOST 0-1 at SaxerDome, Saxervilla: Attendence: 85,000.
Match Day Five-- @ Milchama WON 4-2
Match Day Six--Vs. Tanah Burung LOST 0-1 at SaxerDome, Saxervilla: Attendance: 42,000.
Match Day Seven--Exhibition vs. Graverville(QFL Champion) WON 5-0 at Qazian Memorial Stadium, Qazox City: Attendence: 79,250.
Match Day Eight--@ Valertinette WON 2-1
Match Day Nine--@ Vilita Draw 2-2
Match Day Ten--Vs. Elrich WON 1-0 at Rockport Field at Harborside, Rockport: Attendance: 71,200.
Match Day Eleven--@ Hiiran LOST 0-1
Match Day Twelve--@ Dorian and Sonya
Match Day Thirteen--@ Eauz
Match Day Fourteen--Vs. Milchama at Qazian Memorial Stadium, Qazox City: Capacity: 79,250.
Match Day Fifeeen--@ Tanah Burung
Match Day Sixteen--BYE
Match Day Seventeen--Vs. Valertinette at Fromburg Field, Fromburg: Capacity:78,963.
Match Day Eighteen-- Vs. Vilita at Qazian Memorial Stadium, Qazox City: Capacity: 79,250.

Spaam

16-03-2006, 08:01

Spaam Sports Weekly
NationStates' Most Notorious Sports Publication

Celebrating 100 Years of World Cup Participation

Fort Spaam Stays Strong

The sprawling desert city of Moladias was the venue for Spaam's home game
against their bogey team, Shing-Shang. It was a hot day, reaching 35C, no
clouds in the sky, with a slow easterly breeze passing through the 150
thousand seat stadium. Noticably missing from the team was strikers (and
captains) Goss and Ivey, midfielders Roskelly and Trethewey, and defenders
Venton and Chenoweth. However, fiery play-maker Credan Cawrse and star
keeper Morwetha Jelbert were back on the team, which was a sub-strength
home side to face the bottom team of the group (and possibly the world).
Also missing was Coach Dochou Gee, with Assistant Tamsyn Pengelley taking
the reigns.

With that introduction, the report of the game can commence: Trewin scored
in the 22nd minute (their first international goal), Cawrse scored in the 66th
minute, and the remainder of the match was spent controlling the ball in the
midfield. Jelbert touched the ball a mere half dozen times, and never from an
opposing player, while Shing-Shang went through three keepers, as they
were run off their feet. A good start to a coaching career by Pengelley, and
an opportunity for all the reserves to have some game time, but overall,
nothing much to say.

Spaam 2:0 Shing-Shang
(8 Trewin 22; 6 Cawrse 66)

The Group Of Death

Starblaydia were not troubled by Wentland, winning easily 3-0. East
Lithuania fell at home to Priggdom, nil to one, meaning the eighth seed is still
in the running for a play-off spot. Haraki is back to winning ways, scoring as
many goals as they had in the previous 10 games in their home 4-2 win
against Obsidianus.

Starblaydia 3:0 Wentland
East Lithuania 0:1 Priggdom
Haraki 4:2 Obsidianus

Starblaydia have a two point lead over Oliverry, with no suprise for the top
two. Spaam has one more point than Oliverry, but has a lower PPG, so is
sitting happily in third. Not counting trouble-makers Priggdom, there is an 8
point gap to the closest challengers for third. Priggdom is 4th with a four
point buffer either side, and East Lithuania and Wentland are tied for fifth.
Haraki is now only one point behind them, and 8 points ahead of the battle
for the wooden spoon. Obsidianus and Shing-Shang should now finish as the
bottom two teams, and most likely in that order.

Pos Team P W D L GF GA GD Pts PPG G%
1 Starblaydia 9 7 1 1 29 2 27 22 2.4 94
2 Oliverry 9 6 2 1 29 13 16 20 2.2 69
3 Spaam 10 6 3 1 16 4 12 21 2.1 80
4 Priggdom 10 5 2 3 13 18 -5 17 1.7 42
5 East Lithuania 10 3 4 3 10 10 0 13 1.3 50
6 Wentland 10 4 1 5 16 20 -4 13 1.3 44
7 Haraki 10 4 0 6 8 15 -7 12 1.2 35
8 Obsidianus 10 1 1 8 11 25 -14 4 0.4 31
9 Shing-Shang 10 0 2 8 7 32 -25 2 0.2 18

Next Week

Starblaydia travel to East Lithuania to face the dark horse of the
competition, and the only team other than Spaam they have not beaten in
qualifying. It should be an exciting match, but the Perils are still favourites.
Spaam host Oliverry, the only team that has beaten the Waffles so far, and
will be looking for revenge, but critics are not hopeful. Shing-Shang host
Haraki in what should be an easy win for the visitors, while Priggdom should
be home winners against Obsidianus. Wentland have the bye and may drop
another place.

Statistics

Home vs Away
P W D L GF GA GD Pts PPG G%
Home 5 4 1 0 11 0 11 13 2.6 100
Away 5 2 2 1 5 4 1 8 1.6 56
Total 10 6 3 1 16 4 12 21 2.1 80

Goal Scorers
No Name G P
17 Mylor Goss 5 9
1 Ewa Ivey 4 9
6 Cleder Cawrse 3 7
4 Crewenna Roskelly 2 9
8 Melyor Trewin 1 5
11 Credan Trethewey 1 9
7 Colan Trebilcock -1 5

History
1 Spaam 4:0 Obsidianus W
2 Shing-Shang 1:1 Spaam D
3 Oliverry 1:0 Spaam L
4 BYE
5 Spaam 1:0 Haraki W
6 Priggdom 0:0 Spaam D
7 Starblaydia 0:1 Spaam W
8 Spaam 4:0 Wentland W
9 Spaam 0:0 East Lithuania D
10 Obsidianus 2:3 Spaam W
11 Spaam 2:0 Shing-Shang W
12 Spaam ?:? Oliverry ?

Photo Opportunities

Waffles leading goal-scorer, number 17 Mylor Goss, after his historic goal against Starblaydia.

http://www.evertonfc.com/images/cms_images/1095001107.jpg

Apologetic Kittens

16-03-2006, 10:19

Yet another draw and the Kittens remain one of just four sides not to have picked up a single win. The difference between the Apologetic Kittens and these teams? They lie at the feet of their respective groups whilst the Kittens have a two team cushion between them and the bottom.

How has this occurred? The answer lies in the incredible record of the Kittens, who have drawn an amazing 70% of their games. A record more suited to a defensive formation than that of the APK team.

The latest match ended one-all, to consolidate the fears of the Kittens' fans. It seems their beloved nation doesn't have the power to finish teams off. Time will tell whether they learn from their mistakes.

Georgeonia

16-03-2006, 11:50

GROUP ELEVEN
Tadjikistan 3-1 Giant Zucchini
Andossa Se Mitrin Vega 1-2 Emporer Pudu
Pastorville 0-1 Georgeonia
Becquerelia 3-0 Green wombat

Squids March On!

The squids continued their fantastic run of form last night with a brave
one-nil victory away to Pastorville. Georgeonia have now taken the
maximum six points from a team well above them in the world rankings and
are looking dangerous. The squids dug deep last night to win a defensive
and scrappy match, where for long periods neither team was able to break
down the other's defence. At half time the score was still nil-all, and
the fans would have been forgiven for giving up on the possibility of
seeing any goals, with the teams managing just 3 shots on goal between
them during the entire half. The second half saw more of the same, but
just minutes before half time, a long clearance after a Pastorville
attack found Benje in space and suddenly the squids had three players
bearing down on two defenders. A swift exchange of passes later and
Majewski was advancing on the keeper, scoring with a cheeky lob as the
hapless goalie came out to try and stop him. The end of the match saw
more of the same wild celebrations which have marked the end of the
squids' last two performances, and travelling Georgeonian contingent was
the largest at any away game in the club's history. The victory leaves
the squids in fifth place in the group, well above their predicted
finishing spot of eighth, and just four points away from the play-off
spot. Emperor Pudu certainly helped the squids' campaign, beating ASMV
and preventing them from extending their lead over the chasing pack.
Tadjikistan won comfortably against Giant Zucchini, and Becquerelia
recorded their first win against Green Wombat. These results leave fourth
to ninth place separated by just six points, and this could be anyone's
group. Louvisa and Tadjikistan look certain to qualify for the automatic
qualification places, but that playoff spot could be anyone's, with a
minor miracle, it could even go to the squids. Only time will tell.
Tonight the squids host Green Wombat who last time beat the squids
one-nil in a close game. The Georgeonian team, however,have improved
immeasurably since then and will be looking for revenge. Expect sparks to
fly!

Pos Team P W D L GF GA GD Pts
1 Lovisa 9 7 2 0 25 4 21 23
2 Tadjikistan 9 5 3 1 19 7 12 18
3 Andossa Se Mitrin Vega 10 5 1 4 12 16 -4 16
4 Pastorville 10 4 1 5 7 8 -1 13
5 Georgeonia 10 3 3 4 8 13 -5 12
6 Emporer Pudu 10 2 5 3 10 16 -6 11
7 Green wombat 10 3 1 6 9 21 -12 10
8 Becquerelia 10 1 6 3 7 9 -2 9
9 Giant Zucchini 10 2 2 6 14 17 -3 8

MD01: Away to Giant Zucchini L 3-0
MD02: Home to Pastorville W 1-0
MD03: Away to Green Wombat L 1-0
MD04: Away to Emperor Pudu D 0-0
MD05: Away to Louvisa L 3-0
MD06: Home to Andossa Se Mitrin Vega L 1-2
MD07: Away to Becquerelia D 1-1
MD08: --- No Match ---
MD09: Away to Tadjikistan D 1-1
MD10: Home to Giant Zucchini W 3-2
MD11: Away to Pastorville W 0-1

Jeruselem

16-03-2006, 12:53

Jeruselem Government News

Jeruselem loose first game!

OK, it had to happen sometime in the World Cup, but the cuprits were Druida. Despite the loss, we are still 2nd. Druida are improving and beating the 14th seed is one way to improve. It was not Jeruselem's best game and well, Jeruselem drew the first game after a bye on MD1. A perfect time to get Jeruselem is after a bye, but the team after gets the consequences.

The Paladins had the bye and stay top because of Jeruselem loss.

Cuation wasted a perfect chance again. They played Kirstiriera and really should have won the game, but did not. A disappointing NIL ALL draw and well, with Jeruselem losing ... a bigger waste.

Collonie beat CR Oscilloscopes 3-0 but remain 4th because of Cuation's draw. Yes, they can make the top 3 but they have a bye soon too. 4th is good but not where you want to be at the end.

The anarchists played the Athiest and ... they drew like last time. Boring.

7 games left. Jeruselem and NMS have done their byes so no more resting for these teams. Lower teams have an issue at the end of qualifying, byes. Late byes mean they cannot score points if they need them on the last days.

GROUP ONE
Jeruselem 0-1 Druida
Cuation 0-0 Kirstiriera
Collonie 3-0 CR Oscilloscopes
An Archy 1-1 Atheistic Right

Pos Team P W D L GF GA GD Pts
1 New Montreal States 9 7 0 2 19 9 10 21
2 Jeruselem 9 6 2 1 23 6 17 20
3 Cuation 10 5 3 2 14 10 4 18
4 Collonie 10 5 2 3 16 13 3 17
5 Druida 10 3 3 4 9 12 -3 12
6 An Archy 10 2 4 4 8 14 -6 10
7 CR Oscilloscopes 10 3 1 6 5 17 -12 10
8 Kirstiriera 10 2 3 5 11 16 -5 9
9 Atheistic Right 10 0 4 6 9 17 -8 4

GROUP NINE

What can we say about Audioslavia? They just trashed the Lions 5-0 and are still unbeaten with no draws. The Lions didn't need to be beaten like this and well, a team like Audioslavia destroy weakness.

Chicanada and Ariddia both scored wins with 5 goals scored. This does not help the lions who fall back to 6th, but Kelse tripped over Pedriana. Pedriana won 2-0.

Audioslavia 5-0 Nedalia
Chicanada 5-2 Ocmeoub
Ariddia 5-0 Berner Street
Kelse 0-2 Pedriana

GROUP TEN

The Canucks contained the rampant KP hold them to a 1 ALL draw. Not a win, but the Canuck hold top spot. Casari had the bye so they are still 2rd despite the efforts of Majeristan who won their game and moved to 3rd. KP are 4th and look back on track.

Hockey Canada 1-1 Kaze Progressa
Harlesburg 0-1 Magnus Valerius
Majeristan 1-0 Crna Gora Liv Eng
McPsychoville 3-0 Imperial Moose

Cuation

16-03-2006, 13:05

The Archregimancy Bribes Cost Cuation!

Welcome to Cuation Atheists Magazine, our subject for this month is about how certain evil monks are trying to deny Cuation third place. Games against Atheistic Right and Kirstiriera had seemed a perfect time to pull away from the chasing pack.

Instead we go into a tough game against New Montreal States only a point ahead of Collonie. Thanks to the men in black ie the refs being bribed then assualted by these monks, to blacken our good peaceful name, we are in for a tough ride.

Atheistic Right 2-2 Cuation

Cuation seemed unsettled, perhaps due to the blatent hacking inflicted on them, this may explain why they where two goals down at half time. Badger played the ball towards Jackal, giving him space to run out goal. Sol Major and Jonathan Yan went to stop him but the striker elbowed them till they went down injured. Clear on goal, he played it to Scorpion, who was clearly offside. 1-0 to the ref

Our defenders came back onafter treatment but where shaken to the core, backing off from Snake for too long, allowing the striker to chip it over Seamen. On the back foot, Cuation struggled through to the half time break.

Rual Mendiz scored early on, just managing to reach a cross with his head to place it past the keeper. A powerul Ashton free kick was punched away by the keeper before Rio Samaba rose up to knock the rebound in. All square and Cuation looked to finish it off but the ref kept blowing against our team.

The man in black, or dark green, was later found with his arms broken a day later. It saddens our hearts to think that such things could happen just to destroy the teams good name. Why must evil sink to such depths?

Cuation 0-0 Kirstiriera

A borinng match that was livened up as Cuation brough on attacking subs and a 2-4-4 formation late on. We should have had a goal When Giovanni's chip bouncined in off the bar but the ref claimed it didn't cross the line. A draw was perhaps fair but Cuation have to learn to defeat such poor teams if they are to qualify.

The ref was found a few days later with broken legs. We deny rumors that Cuation security staff had anything to do with that injury and the witness that says otherwise is as evil as a monk.

Swilatia

16-03-2006, 13:38

http://img48.imageshack.us/img48/2724/sbc22la.gif
Swilatia beat another very weak team. and their still not going to qualify -George

How can you be so sure about this?? We won twice in a row now, and are likely to get enough points to qualify. The Popolus team may have been weak, and that is one of the reasons we beat them, but whats important is that we beat them. -Blaziej

So what. Today we will have to fight Rejistania again, and it does not look very good at all. Remebmber last time, when we lost to them? I think thats going to happen again, and then our bye day will not look too good at all. No, it definately will not. -George

That was the last time. Apparantly Rejistania does not play too well on away matches. Remeber when New Pruessen, who were 171st seeds, beat Rejistania. Since we are a better team, we can do the same. We can still qualify. -Blaziej

But look what the bye day did to us the last time. It can happen again. -George

Relax. The by day is MD14, not tommorow. If we beat bot Rejistania, and the Archi-Something Whydoialwaysforgetthename?, we will be likely to have a position on the top 3, and might hold on to it during our bye day. And if we beat rejistania we have a chance of beating those other guys. -Blaziej

But the fact is we will not beat them -George

How can you be so sure -Blaziej
WCTracker
Key: Wins Losses Draws Byes
MD1 - Swilatia vs Bazalonia, 1-1, Rank 4
MD2 - Swilatia at Popolus, 3-0, Rank 3
MD3 - Swilatia at Rejistania, 0-4, Rank 5
MD4 - Swilatia vs The Archregimancy, 1-1, Rank 6
MD5 - Bye, Rank 7
MD6 - Swilatia at New Preussen, 2-1, Rank 4
MD7 - Swilatia vs The Footie Dream Team, 2-2, Rank 5
MD8 - Swilatia vs Praying2God, 0-2, Rank 5
MD9 - Swilatia at Rordia, 1-3, Rank 5
MD10 - Swilatia at Bazalonia, 2-0, Rank 5
MD11 - Swilatia vs Popolus, 4-3, Rank 5
MD12 - Swilatia vs Rejistania

Tadjikistan

16-03-2006, 14:46

Pliiev makes perfect debut as coach
By Simon Grinchik, part time sportsjournalist

Michael Pliiev maintained a solid grip on his team and orchestrated a magnificent victory over Giant Zucchini and ASMVs loss against Emperor Pudu pushed the Tigers back to second position. Those critics whom dared to doubt Pliiev and his fellow Tigers remain silent as Tadjikistan celebrates. Behind the secnes however, the Federation keeps working on a replacement for Pliiev.

'I was surprised by my own achievements, I never thought I could pull this off. Offcourse the guys were great, they played as if their lives depended on it.'Michael Pliiev said after the match in the Isserson stadion in Dushanbe where they just beat the Zucchini's 3-1. But Pliiev was not entirely happy with the current situation 'Its though being coach and player. You have to work on your own condition and lead the team, I dont think I can keep doing this for long.

The Tadjik National Football Federation assured Pliiev that they were working on a solution, but it would take some time to find an acceptable candidate. The TNFFs first choice was hiring the Sadirov brothers again but they refused. Thus Sharipovs job wont be filled in just yet.

While this is a slight setback, the Tigers got some extra motivation from the return of Zhenya Zyrianov, the young striker who got injured against Lovisa. Daniele Priore was sent back to the bench as Tadjikistans youngest goalgetter showed up again. Zyrianov thanked Pliiev for that confidence and scored Tadjikistans second goal of the evening.

The Tadjiks have finally shown that they can still bite, forcing Tomislav Belanov and Georgi Shpagin to admit they were harsh on the national team but they never retracted any statements, Shpagin continued to warn everyone for the current euphoria 'Tomorrow, we go to Pastorville, lots of defenders and a hostile crowd. I'm not saying Pliiev cant do it, but his team is far from perfect and his inexperience as coach may cost Tadjikistan another three points.

Tadjikistan - 3
Saradov '28, Zyrianov '38, Kirponos '87
Giant Zucchini - 1
Johann Rilke '32

Pos Team P W D L GF GA GD Pts
1 Lovisa 9 7 2 0 25 4 21 23
2 Tadjikistan 9 5 3 1 19 7 12 18
3 Andossa Se Mitrin Vega 10 5 1 4 12 16 -4 16
4 Pastorville 10 4 1 5 7 8 -1 13
5 Georgeonia 10 3 3 4 8 13 -5 12
6 Emporer Pudu 10 2 5 3 10 16 -6 11
7 Green wombat 10 3 1 6 9 21 -12 10
8 Becquerelia 10 1 6 3 7 9 -2 9

Fixtures:
MD1: Stay at home, do nothing
MD2: Giant Zucchini - Tadjikistan W 1-3
MD3: Tadjikistan - Pastorville W 2-0
MD4: Green Wombat - Tadjikistan W 0-4
MD5: Tadjikistan - Emperor Pudu D 1-1
MD6: Lovisa - Tadjikistan L 2-1
MD7: Tadjikistan - Andossa Se Mitrin Vega W 3-0
MD8: Becquerelia - Tadjikistan D 1-1
MD9: Tadjikistan - Georgonia D 1-1
MD10: Stay home again, do nothing
MD11: Tadjikistan - Giant Zucchini W 3-1
MD12: Pastorville - Tadjikistan
MD13: Tadjikistan - Green Wombat
MD14: Emperor Pudu - Tadjikistan
MD15: Tadjikistan - Lovisa
MD16: Andossa se Mitrin Vega - Tadjikistan
MD17: Tadjikistan - Becquerelia
MD18: Georgonia - Tadjikistan

Tadjik Goalscorers:
Saradov - 6
Zyrianov - 5
Tulberdiev - 3
Pliiev - 1
Priore - 1
Gurchev - 1
Kornilov - 1
Kirponos - 1

Chicanada

16-03-2006, 15:20

Chicanada Daily Rabbler
Home to Kodiak and Snow Leopard News

Nation Looks Bewildered
Kodiaks Climb Into Second

Eastentown - The nation is confused as to who is impersonating the Kodiaks.

Chicanada's National side continue to finally show good form, just in time to loose to Commerce Street, with a rather impressive 5-2 thrashing of Ocmeoub today at Bishop County. Led by Caris and Olani, the Kodiaks quickly asserted themselves with a 4-1 lead by halftime, and allowed the subs to get some quality time during the second half of the match.

The victory over an unknown, however, is not why the nation is confused. With all the threats thrown by the CFA, CSF and the Big 3 Parties (Union-Liberals, Social Dems and the Conservatives) you'd think the nation's political future was tied to the Kodiaks. But the daily Communique threats, as well as a strong interest not to emulate The Disaster a second time, has pushed the Kodiaks to 4 points clear of the not-playoffs and, at 19 points currently, 2 ahead of tommorow's (probably victorious, since we're talking about us) opponents, the Capitalizts. The Kodiaks had a rather impressive showing, managing a 1-0 loss in what many Chicanadan pundits had pegged as a blowout.

With the Kodiaks going on a 10-point streak, the nation and all interested parties really want the team to snatch a point from their opponents - or else!

Canal will be carrying the game live from the brand new Island Clan Stadia, home to the nely-CFA-sanctioned Palace Heights squad. The 100,000 seat stadium, the third largest in the nation behind TroutCo and Douala Palace, is home to the footy side as well as Palace Height's AmBall and baseball teams and is expected to sell out, as the stadium holds it's first event. The island cantons are opening all sorts of stadiums this week, with the Kodiaks holding an exhibition against Yafor 2 three "days" later at the new Steelgrounds in Atens. Gates to Island Clan open at 1300, and those ferrying in from the mainland directly to Island Clan (Southampton route only) will have access at 1275 in order to get the ferrys back to the shipyards. Cana, Atens, Verde Mund and Provincetown-based ferrys will drop off fans into Palace Heights at the General Home Port, which is only 200 yards from Island Clans. Flights into Palace Heights will be limited from only Chicanada Internation in Cana and Grand Free State Interregional in Paradiso due to security measures.

Kodiak National Side Schedule (Maybe we can finish 6th! That's a change!)
MD01: W 1-0 v Pedriana (@ Moutainside Fairgrounds, Castille)
MD02: W 1-0 @ Ocmeoub
MD03: L 1-0 @ Commerce Heights
MD04: off day - plans for training in Kinsington
MD05: L 1-0 v Kelse (@ New Governess Palace, Kinsington)
MD06: W 2-0 @ Berner Street
MD07: L 2-1 @ Audioslavia
MD08: W 3-0 v Nedalia (@ Depot Centre, Cana)
MD09: T 1-1 v Arrida (@ Heartland Stadium, Goedi)
MD10: W 1-0 @ Pedriana
MD11: W 5-2 v Ocmeoub (@ BFC Pavillion, Bishop County)
MD12: v Commerce Heights (@ Island Clan Stadia, Palace Heights)
MD13: v Yafor 2 (exibition game @ Steelgrounds, Atens)
MD14: @ Kelse
MD15: v Berner Street (@ Coastal Stadium, New Glasgow)
MD16: v Audioslavia (@ Southampton National Square)
MD17: @ Nedalia
MD18: @ Arrida

Starblaydia

16-03-2006, 15:21

Wentland Downed By Three, Again
Starblaydia rock on at Victory Park

How can a team with such attacking greats as Menecrates, Tolkacheva and Raphaelo manage to have kept seven clean sheets in their nine games so far? The answer, of course, is a great defence. Marshalled expertly by Jaime Oberlander, the vice captain for this tournament, he is partnered by the young bull Antonis Kouvas who even has four goals for Starblaydia, all from corners. Either side of them are the solid left-back Markko Rakkinen and Francisco 'Iban the terrible' Ibanez, two full-backs that could grace any team. Were it not for 'Cisco's mean streak, he would have played in more games for Starblaydia at this level, rather than consigned to the AOCAF team for so long.

Add to that a great goalie in Nicholas Mathias, as well as a true midfield general sitting in front of the back four, Georges Blanc, and you have a defence to be reckoned with, something that has only been breached twice in nine games so far. Wentland, one of the two teams to actually score against Starblaydia, were again beaten by three goals, this time 3-0 rather than 4-1.

Raphaelo nearly lifted the roof off of Victory Park as he blasted goal number one within 100 seconds of the kick-off. Dasha Tolkacheva made it two with a neat run and low shot into the corner after thirty-eight minutes. Both Raphaelo and Tolkacheva have netted seven goals so far in this campaign, each coming from eight appearances. This is obviously proving a shrewd decision by Khim Azanulbizarn, bringing back the thirty year-old Raphaelo to partner young Tolkacheva. The outcry at leaving out Roberto Vega, 27, quickly dropped away once the public had seen just how good a strike partnership 'Raph and Dash' are, for both club and country.

Javi Chavez rounded off the win with Starblaydia's third goal, his first of the campaign, as he headed in a great cross from Paul Noble at the back post, completely unmarked. Starblaydia regain their spot as first in the Group, while Spaam leapfrog Oliverry, who had their bye week.

Final Score from Victory Park, Vecchio:
Starblaydia 3 - 0 Wentland
(Raphaelo 2, Tolkacheva 38, Chavez 61) - (None)

Tynelia

16-03-2006, 15:54

An unmarked van with darkened windows pulls into an abandoned warehouse somewhere in Tynelia. The door opens and two people, a man and a woman are escorted out of the van by several men and women wearing black suits. The duo look at each other nervously as they wonder what they could have done. Wordlessly the dark suited people indicate that they are to go open a nearby doorway and go inside. They open the door and find another man wearing a black suit who smiles briefly though the smile never reaches his eyes as he speaks.

“Mr. Spikeman, Miss Dalespin. How nice of you to join me. I hope you weren’t inconvenienced any by my summons.”

“Don’;t you know we’re going to be on national television soon whoever you are! Sending your goons to grab us outside the studio is going to get you in trouble buddy!” Sal Spikeman blurted out angrily as Anna Dalespin pales slightly and grabs his arm.

“Don’t you know who that is Sal. Its…”

“You are correct Miss Dalespin, I am John Smith, Tynelian Minister of Intelligence. And don’t worry about your program, its been taken care of. But yes Mr. Spikeman, it is about your show that you have been brought here today. You see, the president and I are displeased with your show to date.”

The sportscasters paled as they know that gaining the displeasure of Intelligence was never a good thing. Bravely Sal spoke “But we’ve been doing a good job. Ratings have been great.”

“That may be Mr. Spikeman but that’s not why we’re here. You see. You are making us look like idiots on the world front and THAT is unacceptable.”

“What do you mean?” Sal asked.

Referring to a list in front of him though its clear whatever was written had been memorized beforehand, Minister Smith replied. “QazoK, the AlgaR States, and now New ChaZovnia. Your correspondent Dana Lee has mentioned that she has been ridiculed by the rest of the World Cup reporters due to your failure to get the names of entire countries correct! Rumor has it that the Kazoo People press run daily contests to see how many errors on your show they can catch each day. This makes us look bad. And that makes me look bad. I don’t like being made to look bad.”

“But sir.” Anna interrupted “Its not our fault we can’t properly pronounce these odd non-Tynelian names. What is a Chakovnia anyway?”

“Ah Miss Dalespin, as long as you’re talking lets move on to your anti-Tynelian propaganda.”

“What?”

“Don’t be coy Miss Dalespin, we have many recordings of you speaking poorly about our national team’s play causing dissent and doubt among our great people on their skills.”

“But its just an observation based on how they’ve…”

“I am not here to listen to excuses. Just to point out your disloyalty has been noted. I suggest you perhaps follow a more upbeat tone to your analysis.”

“Sir.” Sal asked timidly.

“Yes?”

“You said the show was taken care of but how?”

“Ah yes. Jenkins bring in that television.” As he watched his agent who was hiding in the shadows the whole time bring in a color television Smith explained. “You see, if we can’t count on you to do your jobs properly this is who has to fill into you.” Pressing a button on the remote he turns on the TV and when the picture comes in Anna screams “Not that! Anything but that!”

“Indeed, do your job properly and this will not happen again. Jenkins come with me. I will leave the two of you here to watch this in its entirety as punishment.”

The two agents leave the room while the Tynelian Soccer Weekly team watch with growing horror their replacement carry on.

<back at the studio>

“…so then after I got my picture taken with Jay Masterson he even signed it for me and I was in heaven.” Harmonie Harris gushed “He said he’d score a goal for me today and he did! Too bad the Risa lovers from Risa-A’Mour, and isn’t that sweet to have a girl you love so much that you’d name your country after her? Anyway they scored too and we ended up tied. Poor Jay he looked so sad when time ran out. Now we have to beat that New something team, you know the one with the funny name or other teams might pass us!

“Well its time to look at the weather in that place with the funny name so let’s go to the map!”

<camera moves to the map which sits there alone. suddenly you hear “Oops that’s me!” from off camera and Harmonie runs over to the map>

“Hi everyone its me! Its tough doing double duty. I hope Sal and Anna feel better tomorrow. Oooh wouldn’t it be the sweetest thing if they’re not really sick but have ran off and eloped because they’ve been in love all this time? I’ll have to ask them when they get back. Oh the weather. Um, well I couldn’t find a map of that New place but I bet there will be some sun and clouds out and it might rain sometime too. Ok that’s the weather, now back to me!”

<giggles and runs back to the anchor’s chair though not before the camera has switched back to there>

“Thanks me! Well my producer is making choking sounds. I hope he didn’t swallow something wrong to make him choke. I bet if Jay Masterson was here and I was choking he’d give me CPR. Now the assistant is waving at me.” <Harmonie waves back> “I don’t know what they’re trying to say but…”

<camera cuts her off and the end credits begin to roll>

Sal and Anna leave the chamber obviously shocked and horrified by what they saw and wordlessly enter the van that brought them here as the black suited people enter with them and drive off. Off to one side Smith and Jenkins stand watching until Smith speaks.

“So Jenkins, how did you find the stolen crystals?”

“Actually sir, I was contacted by a Qazox agent, code name 0007. He said he had regained the crystals and wished to return them.”

“I see, did he say why they were taken?”

“Yes sir. There was a plot to destroy the entire time/space continuum through anti-time and the agent managed to stop it in time.”

“I see. Time/space continuum destruction you say?”

“Yes sir, he seemed very serious about it. We’re lucky to be alive sir.”

“Spare me Jenkins, do you have any idea how many times the time/space continuum is about to be destroyed each week?”

“Sir?”

“If I had a vinli for every destroy the world or universe plot I came across or thwarted I would never had to work again.”

“Sir?!?” Jenkins asked in a strangled tone.

“Nevermind Jenkins, you did well getting the crystals back. You may go now.”

“Yes sir.”

As Jenkins walked off Smith made a note to ensure that Jenkins was limited to desk duty or simple guard and escort type missions. The man was much too jumpy to be a field agent. Getting all worked up about something like the destruction of all time and space isn’t how the Ministry of Intelligence does its job. There’s much more important things to deal with. Smith was a bit disappointed, he had such high hopes for Jenkins too. Shaking his head sadly he walked towards his own car to return to the Ministry.

Becquerelia

16-03-2006, 22:16

Rejistania

16-03-2006, 22:37

The match between the Archregimancy started after a Haijin Tahiakan ceremony was celebrated. the ceremony celebrates the epic battle between Syku and the Tahiakan, a maneating monster, twice as big as a man. The ceremony is not in any respect cruel except maybe to those who are not used to rejistanian music. the story of the unnamed child is not shown in dancing, even though it is a necessary prestory. It is explained to foreigners in a leaflet: When Ji, mother of Syku expected another child, she was barely able to afford the sacrifices to the Gods to make the child known. Only the fact that Syku fasted made it possible to acquire the required sacrifices. The priests gave the child the name Teke. She died in the first week of an illness the healers could not cure.

Also the scene of the meneating Tahiakan cause fear and destruction in Syku's village was not shown in full glory, again due to time issues.

The dances began when Syku met the talking bird, which was represented by a 7 year old girl in a colorfull birdcostume. She dances around Syku, who at this time was clad like it was traditional at the time of the legend (TV stations blurred him out just in case). Then the several good deeds of Syku are shown: how he rescued the drowning Kolibri, helped defend the nest of the Deaunea~n bird and led the Lone Singing Bird to the Iihamani tree, which could cure it. The next song and scene was the battle of the village against the Tahiakan, who returned in order to eat the children. The Tahiakan was winning the battle with casual ease until he hit Syku and the birds flew from all directions to defend Syku and attack the Tahiakan. Those who read the leaflet knew that the Tahiakan was created by an evil God and his magical protection made it impossible for men to defeat him. Now that the birds attacked, he was vulnerable as any being. The Three songs and dances first showed the Kolibris Attacking, then the Deaunea~n and then the Nameless Birds From All Lands. In the last song, the Red-Tailed Skree-er wounded the Tahiakan so much, that he collapsed. Now the talking bird appeared and had a dart in his beak. The bird gave Syku the dart and he rammed it into the chest of the Tahiakan (the dances did only symbolize this). In the next song, the Tahiakan writhed and eventually died. The last song is a celebration of the villagers and the Talking Bird reveals itself as the spirit of Teke.

the match was less remarkable. Jeri Kis made one mistake which costs the game. Also the referee didn't gave the clear foul in the 87th minute, which would have at least equalized the score.

Haraki

16-03-2006, 22:45

Haraki Looks Hopeful to Raise Placement in Group 8
From the Haraki News Network, Print Edition

Sam Sherman, Atherlon. Haraki's next game is against Shing-Shang, a team that has made the bottom spot of the group its own with no wins in ten games and thirty-two goals against, an average of three point two goals per game. The Hawks fly to Shing-Shang for a hoped-for three points, which will bring them up to fifteen in the tournament. The two teams the Hawks could bypass with a vcitory are Wentland and East Lithuania, both with thirteen.

Wentland have the bye on this matchday, which will keep the distraught team off the field and with no conceivable gain in points. Meanwhile, East Lithuania play group favourites Starblaydia in a predicted three points for Starblaydia. Provided this result, or even a draw between the Starblaydians and the Lithuanians, is the final result, and Haraki secures a victory over Shing-Shang, the Hawks will move back up to fifth place in the group, and will be five points behind the fourth place holders, Priggdom, who are expected to pull off a fast victory over Obsidianus.

If East Lithuania pulls off an upset and defeats Starblaydia, it benefits the Harakian team. Although they would only rise to sixth place, it would mean the Starblaydians would gain no points from the day's work and would stay at twenty-two at the top of the group. Alternately, if Obsidianus pull off an upset against Priggdom, Priggdom would stay at seventeen points and Obsidianus would rise an unimportant three. This would also be a good result for Haraki.

However, it looks as if Haraki's hopes for qualifying in this, their first cup after a seventeen-tournament hiatus, may be dashed after all. The Hawks stand a full ten points behind the group leader, Starblaydia, with only six games left to play. It is possible the Hawks could pull off a climb up through the group for a spot in the top three, leading them into a playoff contest or direct qualification run. But since the top three, Starblaydia, Oliverry and Spaam, are at twenty-two, twenty-one and twenty points each, it would be a hard climb, as Haraki still has games against all three of these teams ahead of them, and with only three out of six victories for the Hawks, assuming they won every other game but those three, they would gain nine points, all three top teams would gain three, and Haraki would remain woefully out of qualifying.

If, however, Haraki beat Oliverry, the lowest-ranked of the top three, the Hawks would gain twelve points, bringing them to twenty-four. Oliverry, assuming a poor run, would be coming up short behind, with six losses and one win or three draws behind them to come in behind Haraki for the win. Haraki would thus gain a playoff spot.

If Haraki could beat all three of those teams, every team in the group might just admit they deserved a spot in the playoffs. The Hawks could still prove themselves a deadly force to be reckoned with on the field. It will be a hard run from here on out, but good luck to them.

Sam Sherman is the HNN's leading football analyst.

Wentland

16-03-2006, 22:56

The Wentland team sat in stunned silence in their dressing room. Everything had gone wrong since that "letter" from the organizing committee. The wreckage of their World Cup qualifying hopes lay around them, eight ponits off even a play-off spot. How could it have gone so wrong?

Baldy Brissen looked at the table for matchday 7. Wentland in 3rd, level on points for 1st. Looking good. Then what happened?

1. Defeat to Spaam. How did that happen in such a way? Spaam had barely scored all tournament. Averaging a goal a match. But they made a mockery of the Wentland ranking ten places or so above them. A team that could not attack suddenly scoring four? Curious.

2. Defeat to Haraki. This was crazy. A home game agaisnt a team ranked 80 places lower. And which had only picked up six points in their first seven games and had lost to the likes of East Lithuania and Priggdom. OK, the Bluff thing was still hanging over the heads of the team, but to lose to Haraki...

3. Defeat to Priggdom. This was lunacy. A team that had not even turned up for any of the previous matches. A team that could only get 2 points against the other Baptism of Fire tyros. A team ranked one hundred and fifty places lower. Yet they beat the Swifts. Madness.

4. Defeat to Starblaydia. OK, this was somewhat expected.

But the previous three defeats were all ridiculous, off the scale, farcical. So unlikely that there must have been something bigger involved. Some Higher Power. Some Great Universal Football Figure (GUFF) that was manipulating matters. The Priggdom game surely demonstrated that, a referee so biased he should have been wearing a Prig shirt and who had been barred from refereeing any more matches. Didn't mean a replay though.

Baldy Brissen resorted to the only thing he knew. A bye for the next matchday should give him some time to prepare. At least Bluff's health was improving, the doctors had kept the results away from him.

But Brissen was on a mission. Next game was home to East Lithuania. So he went off to Mount Starreach to visit The Three.

Milchama

16-03-2006, 22:57

Alexandria Times-Tribune-Post-Gazette-Chronicle-Journal-Enquier

Sports Section

Milchama doing better

This qualifying campaign has not been the greatest for the Milchama Warriors. After a bad draw against Dorian and Sonya, and some bad losses against Hiiraan and Qasox things were looking downhill. Now the second half of qualifying has been a boon for the Warriors as they beat Dorian and Sonya 3-1 and even managed to tie the top seed in the group Eauz 1-1. These results have put the Warriors in 4th place only 1 point behind Tanah Burung who we play next. Coach Jamie Smith said, "Milchama seem to traditionally do better in the second half of qualifying after we see all the teams once. This trend has just been continued in my coaching tenure here. I think the rest of qualifying will go our way." We will not give match reports just the scorers for our international readers.

Final Score:
Milchama 3 (Floren 23, 48 Flinters 68)
Dorian and Sonya 1 (Telemnar 31)

Final Score:
Milchama 1 (Bantin 88)
Eauz 1 (Commie 9)

[NS]Bazalonia

16-03-2006, 23:47

"4-nil against New Preussen" by Nev Gould

With the Bazalopes playing hosts to the New Preussen team, there was nothing host like about the Bazalopes 4-nil thrasing of the team. The goals where scored by Irchov Michael in the 13th and 76th minutes, James Kantwell in the 53rd minute and "Benny Boy" Peters in the 21st minute. The Bazalopes clearly dominated containing a total 79% of possesion through-out the match. However there was an instance where the New Preussen team could have scored it was in the 48th minute just after half-time. But the shot from the New Preussen forward went straight to the goalie.

Coming after the downer of loosing 2-0 seems to Swilatia seems to indicate that the new coach has done alot for the Bazalopes in the last few matchdays. Does that mean we can blame the poor performances of the Bazalopes in the last World Cup and the first few matches entirely on the Shoulders of Caine hawdon? Looking back at the results and particularily when Peter Hobble dissappeared during the Dragonnii Invitational, It seems that he relied to heavily on Peter Hobble, One person being so heavily relied upon has got to have an impact on their performance.

Atheistic Right

17-03-2006, 00:14

<The Same Logo as always appeared on the TV screen allong with the same theme music, a cut to the darkened studio where the same lights get lightened reveal the same hosts>

"Welcome to ARFA Sports - Your Strongest Sports News Around. I'm Charles" - Charles

"And I am Darwin, welcome to the Coverage of Matchday number 11. Today our Archeopteri where hosted at An Archy, not a bad place. Much better than New Monstreal States." - Darwin

"yes, anywhere is better than New Monstreal States or the Arch-pain-in-the-butt. But now onto scores, It ended up a 1-all draw." - Charles

"It seems that' all we can do, even against the lower teams. All we can manage are draws, leaving us at the bottom of the ladder. What's your opinion on this?" - Darwin

"Strangely, we drew with fellow Atheists Druida, but failed to get over the line and draw with Kris.. whatever their name is." - Charles

"So what do you think about the current player/coach, Tortoise is both a player and the Coach, it is yet to be see if his position as either is going to be safe. Will he take himself off the field or will he quit coaching, or have it forced upon him?" - Darwin

"There are many options for Tortoise he isn't doing a *bad* job as a coach but I think there are many ways that he could improve." - Charles

"Do you reckon we should get an overseas coach, obviously someone from an Atheistic country like Druida. Or should we keep going with home-based coaching talent?" - Darwin

"Well, that's hard to say... Bazalonia as much as they are religious and idiotic got rid of their home-grown coaching talent and hired a person that was born in Collonie. They have dramatically improved, the only question is would ARFA do it and I would have to say that no would be most likely the answer." - Charles

"So how could Tortoise improve his coaching technique?" - Darwin

"Practice, practice and more practice, that is the only way you ever improve yourself is by going out there and making it happen Though unfortunately that is all the time we have for now. I'm Charles." - Charles

"And I am Darwin, remember ARFA Sports - Your Strongest Sports News Around. See you next time."

Boudra-Boudra

17-03-2006, 00:47

International Friendly:
Schiavonia vs Boudra-Boudra

http://www.nationstates.net/images/flags/uploads/schiavonia.jpg vs http://www.nationstates.net/images/flags/uploads/boudra-boudra.jpg

Boudra-Boudra loses!
But makes a good first impression

As the referee blew his whistle and the players left the field, some of the elder spectators attending the match at the magnificent King Francesco Stadium knew they had just witnessed something quite unique. A team from Boudra-Boudra, in their first match ever, had managed to play a very decent match and surprise the hundreds of commentators, thousands of spectators in the stadium and millions of tv-watching Boudra-Boudra fans through 90 minutes of entertaining football. These players, totally unknown to the Schiavonian football fans, although never looking to be able to beat the Schiavonian team, had entertained everyone by their fluïd and frivolous style of play.

Although most supporters had bought their ticket, thinking of seeing a lot -at least three- goals, the only sad faces were those of the people thinking of the miles of traffic they were probably going to be stuck in as they left the stands and went to their cars.

The game had started slowly, with the Boudran team a bit uncomfortable, for the first time against another nation in an offical match, but with the Schiavonian team wanting to show their fans some nice football and trying to gain some more confidence for their upcoming match away to Kericia they quickly picked up the pace. The Boudra-Boudra players needed a few minutes before they started playing at a proper level, as most of them were a bit overwhelmed, playing in such a big stadium. Luckily for them, Guido Smith, the Boudran keeper, did not have troubles with his nerves and performed at an outstanding level, making three nice saves early on in the game.

The Boudran forwards, both very popular in their country, did not get very far onto the opposing half of the field, but nevertheless the Boudran fans kept cheering in front of their tv's every time they were close to the ball, cheering out of pride, pride to see their team play against one of the bigger teams in the world.

As the score could have been 3-0 or more going into the half-time break, and probably should have been 3-0, the Schiavonian team again started quite fierce in the secnd half. But again the Boudran first keeper, well second only to the injured Ohène Strok'pah performed splendidly, as now did also the defenders, especially Hanz Buyakasha who managed to intercept quite a few passes and was later on also voted man of the match. Ironically however, it was that same Hanz Buyakasha, also captain of the team, who tripped a Schiavonian forward with only about 20 minutes to go, after which the referee could only point to the spot. The goalkeeper was sent the wrong way and could not prevent Schiavonia from breaking the deadlock. As the game almost came to an end, it was Sosimo Bradkorb who saw the Schiavonian keeper Ben Kershaw stand way in front of his goal and tried to shoot directly for goal from 35 meters out. The goalkeeper was beaten, but the ball bounced of the crossbar into the arms of the goalie, just three seconds before the firm, monotone sound of the whistle made an end to this entertaining game.

And so it ends:
Schiavonia 1 - 0 Boudra-Boudra

The Boudran lineup:

Goalkeeper:
- Guido Smith

Defenders:
- Hanz Buyakasha (captain)
- Dia Dzigbode (out, 81 mins)
- Rintje Jacobus-Fredriksson (out, 55 mins)

Midfielders:
- Torsten Oppt-Sjlook
- Bernardino Maria Eduardo Garcia de la Col Delgado
- Rikke Gallucio (out, 72 mins)
- Nikolajs Gelders
- Njjik Rahlii

Forwards:
- Sosimo Bradkorb
- Jarno Karvi

Replacements:
- Geert Boudra (Mid, 72 mins)
- Samuel-Fred Van Overstraeten (Def, 81 mins)
- Simon Samuelsson (Def, 55 mins)

Mr Chuck Norris

17-03-2006, 01:42

Chuck Norris News
For All Of Your Fighting Norris Coverage

For all of you football fans who haven't seen the most recent telecast of the Silver News Network, we have some bad news to share with you. The Fighting Norris, despite being on such a hot streak lately, have lost their most recent match against a winless Allied Anime Worlds. We will recapitulate for those who didn't see the Silver News Network rendition of the match:

Mr Chuck Norris 2 (Chuck Norris 10, The Burger King 40)
Allied Anime Worlds 4 (Gary Gabriov 5, Shinji Ikau 53, Uten Tenshi 62, Lt. Sagara Souske 81)

From the very start of the match the fans of both sides in the stadium of Allied Anime Worlds knew that something unusual was going to happen in this match. The match opened with a surprisingly hard drive by Allied Anime Worlds. Allied Anime Worlds midfielder Rina Negative, who has been supposedly cursed for a majority of the tourney, easily outmanuvered a recently strong Fighting Norris midfield. Upon breaking through the Fighting Norris defense, she dumped the ball off on Allied Anime Worlds forward Gari Garibov, who scored both goals against the Fighting Norris earlier in World Cup 27. He certainly didn't hesitate in chalking up yet another goal against the Fighting Norris as he effortlessly passed the ball past Fighting Norris goalkeeper Mr. Bednarik in minute five.

However, the Fighting Norris were only down 0-1, and have battled back from much further of a deficet than that. Almost immeadiatly the Fighting Norris staged thier counterattack. OJ Pimpson managed to get a hold of the ball and drove towards the goal with determination to score. Upon encountering resistance, Pimpson put the ball into the possesion of Fighting Norris star player Chuck Norris. Allied Anime Worlds know better than most teams the ability of Chuck Norris, who not only knocked Gene Wil senseless in the Baptism of Fire, but racked up a hat trick in the two teams' first meeting of World Cup 27. Chuck Norris would not fail here either, firing the ball at blazing speeds past Allied Anime Worlds' robot of a goalkeeper in minute 10.

With the score tied, the Fighting Norris knew they'd need more to keep up their hopes of qualification. That's just what they did as they initiated yet another attack in minute forty. Big bad Yianni Karvo, the notorious Fighting Norris midfielder, raged down the field in a ferment. He wanted to take the ball all the way himself, but through repeated practice, the oaf had learned to pass the ball to Chuck Norris in the situation he was in, which he did surprsingly well. Chuck Norris appeared to be ready to score his fifth goal of all time against the Allied Anime Worlds team, but after drawing the dangerous Allied Anime Worlds defenders in the form of Yuki Miya and Mugen, decided it was in the teams best interest for the ball to be at the feet of The Burger King. With relative accuracy, The Burger King marked another point for the Fighting Norris in minute 40 as he sent the ball past Mahoro, Allied Anime Worlds' automated goalkeeper.

The Fighting Norris ended the firts half up 2-1 and in high spirits. However, the second half wouldn't be as nice for the Fighting Norris. Out of depression, we won't go to detail, but we will say that the Fighting Norris lost the match after ceding three goals in the second half to Shinji Ikau in the 53rd minute, Uten Tenshi in the 62nd minute, and Lt. Sagara Souske in the 81st minute.

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"Even though we lost", explained a mellow coach of the Fighting Norris Bob Janney, "I don't feel bad at all, but rather... pretty good. I probably would be pretty mad, but both the few Allied Anime Worlds fans and the Allied Anime Worlds players acted with great sportsmanship. Heck, Gary Gabriov was even nice enough to help ♪ up after not only accidently running into him, but also receiving a yellow card. A person able to do that gains my respect, and that's probably why I don't feel bitter. Allied Anime Worlds played a hard match and deserved their first win of the tourney. However, there are important matters to discuss. There's both good news and bad news and neither of them have to do with cari nsurance. The bad news is that the loss lodged us in seventh place in our group down from fourth place a couple days ago. The good news is that we're only three points out of the third qualification spot, which is currently held by Yafor 2. Now... we've got a sticky situation next matchday. Next matchday, Liverpool England's at Rolatia, which is great because Rolatia will stay at 14 points and will probably have a terrible goal difference after the match. Yafor 2 will be at Turori, which can also mean very good things. Turori in my eyes has secured the second spot behind Liverpool England, so it doesn't matter if they win. Personally, I believe they will win, which will leave Yafor 2 at 15 points with a crappy goal difference and in range of a Fighting Norris passing. The Belmore Family's at Allied Anime Worlds, which means nothing to us. Finally we're at TheSuncoastofFlorida, which is good. I have the most sincere hopes that we will be able to squeek out a win over TheSuncoastofFlorida. This would land us at 15 points with a good goal difference and TheSuncoastofFlorida at 12 points with a mediocre goal difference. If everything goes according to plan... we could be in 3RD PLACE!!! Now hold on to your hats because I said we'd be in third place after our most recent match and proved to be so very wrong. Keep in mind, my rabbling is just my crazy thoughts in coordinace with the Manual. With that...".

(Bob Janney stands up and leaves... the screen fades)

Schedule of The Fighting Norris for World Cup 27
Matchday 1: At Yafor 2 (Loss 1-2)
Matchday 2: Vs. Allied Anime Worlds (Win 4-2)
Matchday 3: Vs. TheSuncoastofFlorida (Draw 0-0)
Matchday 4: Vs. Liverpool England (Loss 2-5)
Matchday 5: At The Lowland Clans (Draw 1-1)
Matchday 6: Vs. Rolatia (Win 2-0)
Matchday 7: On Bye
Matchday 8: At The Belmore Family (Win 4-1)
Matchday 9: At Turori (Loss 1-4)
Matchday 10: Vs. Yafor 2 (Draw 2-2)
Matchday 11: At Allied Anime Worlds (Loss 2-4)
Matchday 12: At TheSuncoastofFlorida
Matchday 13: At Liverpool England
Matchday 14: Vs. The Lowland Clans
Matchday 15: At Rolatia
Matchday 16: On Bye
Matchday 17: Vs. The Belmore Family
Matchday 18: Vs. Turori

Fighting Norris Record: (3-3-4)

My team name is not the Fighting Norrises, but rather the Fighting Norris with Norris being used as a plural noun. It's not a big deal Allied Anime Worlds because I've never clarified my team name up, but now you know.

Kelse

17-03-2006, 02:11

No, Not Pedriana!
Saint-Monica, KEL - After drawing once again with Ariddia, this time at home 3-3, the Kelsians lose on their home field at a nearly sold out game, 2-0. However, the lost came from Pedriana, a time that has really done nothing during the tournament. A previous score of 3-0 against the Pedrianese Squad gave the Mariners much confidence, however, most if not all of it got to their heads and they were simply outplayed by the tricky Pedrianese, who in the end came out on top with a penalty goal and a goal in the 64th minute.

Simply put, Kelse really sucked this time around. Kelse fan Noe Tonoa said after leaving the Stade du Pacifique, "We really, really sucked. And that really sucks. We had a chance to get a play-off spot, and now were that much further from it! This is really terrible, and its a sad day for everyone." During the post-game press conference, team captain Julio Espinoza was speechless, and the only one left to talk was Coach Centino, who said he was completely embarrased and that also, "No matter who we play, we have to be set and always play our best. We can play sub-par to teams like Pedriana, I mean look what happened!"

Their next game, against Ocmeub, is a must win. Coach Centino has said, "I think were going to do great tomorrow, I mean, we really have the drive to just go out there and get a win, and we can definately do it in Ocmeub." Forward Julio Espinoza, who was shut-out at the game, said, "We're going to win. We better win. I hope we win. We have to win. Oh god, I hope we don't lose..."

Kelse will play its tenth WC 27 qualifying match against Ocmeuob later today, which will be broadcasted live across the country on Athletica De Lux, channel 15 in the greater Saint-Monica area. Elsewhere, please check your local listings.

The Islands of Qutar

17-03-2006, 02:51

Qutar Sports News Network

Good Afternoon Qutar, we bring you live to Qutar's first game in the World Cup Qualifiers. We're here in our new upgraded national stadium, unveiled earlier today after several questions had been raised over whether it would have been ready for today's game. But here we are in the Stadium of Light, and I believe it's a capacity crowd tonight for our opening game against Spaamanian Plijous. An unknown team who recently competed in the fourteenth Baptism of Fire tournament, without great success. But as ever we need the play neatly, and not get comfy over ranks. Well the players are coming out onto the pitch now, as they line up to sing thier respective anthems, and its time to start the match and Spaamanian Plijous have won the toss.

As Spaamanian Plijous kick off they start off brightly, and I must apoligise once again in a World Cup match, no names were provided to us, so forgive us using the numbers on the back of their shirts. Well the number 10 has made a neat move forward, but doesn't manage to get past Chris Saunders, who takes possesion back and starts making a move forward, he sees Parker making a run to the right of him, he passes to Parker, who gets the ball to Siese who slices through the Spaamanian Plijous defence, he lets off a shot first time, but goes wide. A close call for Spaamanian Plijous there, if Siese had composed himself it could have been 1-0 very early in the game. The Spaamanian Plijous keeper starts the game off again, launching it up the field and the number 9 latches onto the ball, he turns around Gordon, and keeps going up the field, he's got the support of his strikers to the right and left of him, but his pass is cut out by Kelly there who sends it straight back up the other way to Tomlin, who's pacing down the left wing. He's lacking support at the moment, he's getting boxed in the left corner, but Ali and Siese are running into the box, Tomlin sees them and gets a cross into the box, it meets the head of Ali, and oh! Just over! So close! The play is all one way at the moment, as the Spaamanian Plijous keeper sends the ball the other way. There's been a stalemate in the midfield for about twenty minutes now with neither team making a breakthrough, but hang on Ali and Siese have broken through, linking up together, Siese has the ball at the moment, the number 3 comes out to tackle him, but he gets his pass off to Ali whose in oceans of space, and he shoots and what a goal! Curled into the top left corner from outside the box! What a goal, and that breaks the deadlock after more than half an hour!

The game gets started off again and Qutar have taken the lead but Spaamanian Plijous have started off brightly, stringing together decent passes to get past Qutar's midfield, and Lemkes has to come out to clear the ball, Qutar taken by surprise at Spaamanian Plijous' re-start of the game, the clearance goes as far as the number 4, who passes the ball straight back up to the number 8, who manages to get past Gordon, and sees the number 10 making a move, he passes the ball, Kelly goes to tackle him, but the number ten manages to get through, and Stone goes out to smother the ball, but oh no! He slots the ball past Stone! The away fans are chanting Belmore, so I'm guessing that's his name, although it could be the Spaamanian Plijous word for goal. Who knows?

Spaamanian Plijous have managed to equalise within five minutes of Qutar going ahead, the players are going to have to group back together and not let the goal affect them. As they start off play again, Siese tries to get the ball moving foward but is frustrated by the Spaamanian Plijous midfield, he passes back to Chris Saunders, he sees Ali making a run up the field and lauches the ball onto him, Ali gets the ball and he's timed his run beautifully he's past the defence, oh outrageous the linesman has put up! Offside, well i can't see it on the replay, what was the linesman thinking! Well the keeper sends the ball up from the free kick, and the referee blows the whistle for half time.

Qutar have really got to buckle down now, Spaamanian Plijous haven't played the best football or had the most possesion but have managed to pull things back to one a piece. For the last ten minutes Qutar have played some quite sloppy football, and Paul Dove needs to give them a good talking to. Well the players are coming back on the pitch so we'll see what Qutar can do.

Qutar will start the game off again, and as they do Spaamanian Plijous agressively close down Ali and Siese who are forced to pass the ball back, to Gordon, who under pressure from Belmore, gets the ball to Parker who makes a run down the right wing, he's got Siese in support, and passes to Siese who looks to take on the number 4, and he does, he gets past in, but the number 3 lanches in with a badly timed tackle, and sends Siese down, foul surely! Yes the number 3 has been booked for that foul, and Siese is being taken off the pitch nothing too serious it seems as no substitution is going to happen. The free kick to be taken by Gordon here, its in a good position for him here, he's score from this position before. He runs in for the kick, oh and it smashes into the crossbar, and the keeper jumps up to collect it, outjumping Ali for the ball. He sends it back into the Qutar half to waiting Belmore who breaks on the counter attack, who is in space and Kelly closes down on him, Belmore tries to get past him, but falls to the ground, Kelly arms are up in the air, but a free kick has been awarded, and Kelly has been booked. Siese is coming back on the pitch now, as it seems Belmore is lineing up the free kick, he goes for the shot but it goes well wide. No trouble for Stone there and he sends the ball back up the field. We're almost 80 minutes into the game now, and Qutar have really been pushing forward, and Spaamanian Plijous have been just about holding Qutar back from goal, fighting hard, but all this pressure will should lead to a crack, and Siese manages to elude his marker, with a cunning pass from Gordon, and he gets past the number 4, and he sees Ali making a run into the box, and slots in a pass to him, first time Ali strikes it home! 2-1! Ali has put Qutar back in the lead! The crowd are going wild!

With ten minutes left to play and Qutar dominating, Spaamanian Plijous aren't looking good, but there's still only one goal in it for the draw. As Spaamanian Plijous start play off though, a loose pass from the number 11 has given possesion straight back to Qutar, and Gordon starts making a move up the pitch and Qutar are moving forward in numbers, Gordon is moving forward on his own, no-one is coming out to challenge him, he's outside the box, he goes for the shot, and oh! The keeper manages to tip that over the bar for a corner. This will probably be the last play of the game, and Tomlin will be the one to take the corner, he swings it in to meet Ali's head, oh! Just over, and the referee blows his whistle for the end of the game, and Qutar pick up three points.

The Islands of Qutar 2 (1) - (0) 1 Spaamanian Plijous
Ali, 35, 80 Belmore, 39

Yellow Cards:
Kelly, 53 Number 3, 50

Attendance: 68,000

Fmjphoenix

17-03-2006, 04:38

Matchday 12 scores can be found here (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showthread.php?p=10587842#post10587842).

Sarzonia

17-03-2006, 05:26

Victory 'suits' Stars, 4-1

Francistown, Legalese (ASP) -- A team that has traditionally given the Sarzonian national football team trouble was hosting the Stars with revenge on its mind after Sarzonia's 6-1 win in Woodstock. Legalese perhaps figured that a little home cooking might do them some good against the fourth ranked team in the world.

Guess again. Sarzonia played nearly as well away as they did in front of their supporters in Bryan Marshall Stadium and walked away with the scoreline reading Legalese 1:4 Sarzonia courtesy of a two goal performance by new starting forward Brian Williams and thorough domination in midfield. Goalkeeper Roger Treadway turned aside five shots to notch his eighth win in as many starts.

"We're playing unbelieveably sharp football right now," Coach Dave Wilson said. "Our lads are really starting to play the kind of football we expect from our team. I can't be happier with the lads."

Wilson said with the next opponent being Vuam and Isma that he has invited the country's football association leaders to meet with him prior to the match to discuss a player exchange.

"They've expressed interest in having some players develop in the [Sarzonian Football Confederation, Sarzonia's top flight league] and we think we may have a couple of young players who'd appreciate an opportunity to play and get some valuable experience over there and help grow that league," he said. "We should take part in such a programme. It'd be to everyone's benefit."

Perhaps not to Sarzonian opponents, at least not right now.

Dorian and Sonya

17-03-2006, 06:04

Mystical Unicorns Drop 4th Straight - Hope Fading

The Mystical Unicorns had hoped that a return home would give them new life in these qualifiers for WC27 but instead it saw the squad drop their 4th consecutive match. This time 1-0 to the Black Oxen of Qazox.

The loss left Queen Sonya feeling more than a bit discouraged over the whole mad process. Her young squad had once been as high as 3rd in Group 3 and then managed to knock off a powerful squad from Vilita. She could not help but wonder how then they could now be in a distant 8th position - and falling fast, now only better than Valertinette on goal difference.

But the upside to the loss to Qazox is that 16 year old reserve keeper Alassea Culnámo performed masterfully in her debut as a starter, allowing Qazox only one goal for all their efforts. This is a drastic improvement over the 3 per match average of normal starter Alassea Sáralondë.

Next up for the Unicorns is a rematch with Valertinette, the squad which has issued no press whatsoever since signups began. Last time around they got the better of the Unicorns with a 2-0 victory. Expect things to be very different this time.

Elsewhere around Group 3, Eauz and Vilta continued to rule the group with victories over Tanah Burung and Elrich respectively. But Vilita knows which side here owns them - at leas for now. They fear the Unicorns. Milchama was off on a bye date and Valentirette could only manage a draw against the nonexistent side from Hiiraan.

Haraki

17-03-2006, 06:09

Hawks Triumph in Shing-Shang
From the Haraki News Network Print Edition

Sam Sherman, Shing-Shang. The Hawks came to a close victory in Shing-Shang yesterday, as they beat Group Eight's bottom-ranked team.

The game started fierce enough, with the Hawks displaying the same ferocity that earned them their 4-2 victory over Obsidianus in their latest game. They retained posession for thirty minutes of the first half and twenty-eight of the second, clearly dominating the field in all respects at all times. The Hawks pushed themselves hard in the beginning, giving themselves a good goal thirty minutes in from midfield Thomas Neils, Haraki's star supporting player and best passer. He proved he's a good all-round player as he pulled off a superb kick into the corner of the net.

However, Shing-Shang evened it up with a goal at forty minutes, as Karaki keeper Mark Stone loosened up just a little bit for the half's last five minutes. Going into halftime, it almost looked as if the game would carry on this tradition.

But Haraki captain and star forward Mike Zendar would not allow a tie or a loss. Only ten minutes into the second half, he steamrolled forward through the entire opposition team and scored a fantastic goal against the Shing-Shang keeper. He showed us once again why he's captured the heart of every football-loving girl in Haraki. Not only is he dashing, he's got quite a kick, too.

The rest of the half was filled with good effort by the Hawks, with plenty of chances for goals but no successes. Mark Stone stopped all three shots fielded against him by Shing-Shang in the second half easily, and the defence had a field day with their offence. Haraki seemed to play a fairly easy game of football yesterday, and came out on top.

In other Group Eight games, Obsidianus defeated favoured Priggdom 2-0 in an away game, a very good result for Haraki. Haraki jumped two places, up to fifth in the group, with their win yesterday, and Priggdom are two points ahead, in fourth. However, Priggdom play Shing-Shang on Matchday Thirteen, while Haraki play Oliverry. Their victory is assured to be much easier than ours. Starblaydia managed a 2-1 victory over East Lithuania, and Oliverry a 1-0 victory over Spaam. These are actually the two best results for Haraki.

Oliverry and Starblaydia are the shoe-ins for the two instant-qualifying spots. Spaam is next in line for the third spot, but are currently trailing with 21 points, to Starblaydia's 25 and Oliverry's 23. Fourth place Priggdom has 17, and Haraki are in fifth with 15. On Matchday Thirteen, Spaam have the bye, and therefore give up their chance to bring in an extra three points. If Haraki could beat Oliverry, they could bring themselves up to 18 points and be a threat. One more victory and we could force a playoff-spot battle between Spaam and Haraki. Especially with Spaam and Haraki facing each other in Atherlon on Matchday Fourteen, Haraki's victory would bring them to the exact same point total as Spaam.

The last time the two faced was a home game for Spaam, and a 1-0 victory. But above all, it was a battle of the defence. If Hawks coach Lloyd Vargas could pull his now-customary aggressive tactics and force a battle between Harakian offence and Spaamanian defence, he could manage a victory, triumphant heading into the Matchday Fifteen bye and exhibition match. Such a game could give Haraki a definite chance to qualify.

Haraki fly to Oliverry for their next game, on matchday Thirteen.

Sam Sherman is the HNN's leading football analyst.

Haraki 2 - Shing-Shang 1

Ribald (32)
(40) Forward 'A'
Zendar (55)

Andossa Se Mitrin Vega

17-03-2006, 06:28

http://i14.photobucket.com/albums/a318/stormgiantxxxl/ASMVFNN.jpg

Question:How Do You Make Lovisa Look Unstoppable?

Answer:Have Them Play ASMV

This is Kellan Kildan live from Stadii Se Draggonnii Arcea.

Today’s matchup featured Lovisa in a very important matchup for the Sea Dragons. But yet again our squad could not figure out how to slow down the Lovisan Attack. Early in the match, the 4th minute to be precise, Lovisa scored on a beautiful header off a corner shot to lead 1-0 and they would never look back. They again scored in the 19th minute and got a 3rd goal in the 34th minute as they cruised to an early 3-0 lead. And this time the Sea Dragons had no airport officials to blame.

Evan Evans scored on a penalty kick in the 42nd minute to make the score 3-1 just before the half. That didn’t last long. Lovisa came out in a fury for the second half and added two more goals in the first 10 minutes to move the score to 5-1. It was not until Porche Alexander broke free for an easy goal in the 85th minute that ASMV would score again. And that is how it all ended. Lovisa 5 - 2 ASMV.

The loss saw the Sea Dragons lose more ground as Tadjikistan downed Pastorville 4-0 and moved 5 points clear in second place in Group 11. But at least the Pastorville loss kept them from pulling closer to third. ASMV now holds that position 3 points clear of the struggling Saints and the surging squad from Georgeonia. But Bequeleria, Emperor Pudu, and Green Womabat are all still in the mix as well.

And let us not forget about Giant Zucchini. All wisdom says that these guys will pull it together and cause havoc for the sides currently above them on the board.

The Sea Dragons now have a bye week in which they desperately need to gather themselves and prepare for the stretch run. Bequeleria is the MD14 opponent while Georgeonia is up in MD15. After that comes matches against Tadjikistan, Giant Zucchini, and Pastorville. If ASMV hopes to hold on to third, and the chance at qualifying, they desperately need to take care of business in the next two and try to steal some point in the final three.

Qazox

17-03-2006, 06:36

QAZOX CITY HERALD
Black Oxen Outlast Unicorns 1-0

Qazox is back in third place in Group Three Qualifing, and with 3 of its last 5 at home, advancing to the 3rd place playoff looks possible. In Dorian and Sonya today, rookie Keeper for D&S Alassea Culnámo, kept pace with back-up Qazoxian keep Hiram Joachim, twice Alassea's age, until a 82nd minute goal by Maria Gretsky ensured victory for Qazox. Hiram Joachim, subbing for a suspended John Frorr after his red card yesterday, had his 2nd straight shut out in only 2 starts this Cup, making the choice of Starter at keep difficult for Interim Coach Larry Cable for tommorrow's match at Eauz.
"It will be a game time decision. John held them to only one goal when we hosted them, but the play of Hiram over his last 2 starts and in reserve yesterday makes this a tough decsion." Cable replied when asked.

In other Group action, Group leader Eauz, beat Tanah Burung to allow Qazox to leap back into 3rd place. Looking ahead at the schedule (posted below), there is a strong possibility that Qazox can win 3 of its final 5 games, and with a draw or an upset win over Eauz, the Blackk Oxen's chances of advancing to the next round would be greatly enhanced.

The next 5 games games we believe will play out like this: Loss to Eauz (0-2); Win vs. Milchama (3-1), Draw at Tanah Burung (1-1); Win vs. Valertinnette (3-0) and win vs. Vilita (1-0) giving Qazox 26 points, which would be according to our calculations be 2 points above the minium needed to qualify.

Qazox's Qualifing Schedule

Match Day One--@ Elrich LOST 0-3
Match Day Two--Vs. Hiiraan LOST 0-1 at Fromburg Field, Fromburg: Attendence: 17,000
Match Day Three--Vs. Dorian and Sonya WON 2-0 at Estadia Pika, Pika City: Attendence: 77,988.
Match Day Four--Vs. Eauz LOST 0-1 at SaxerDome, Saxervilla: Attendence: 85,000.
Match Day Five-- @ Milchama WON 4-2
Match Day Six--Vs. Tanah Burung LOST 0-1 at SaxerDome, Saxervilla: Attendance: 42,000.
Match Day Seven--Exhibition vs. Graverville(QFL Champion) WON 5-0 at Qazian Memorial Stadium, Qazox City: Attendence: 79,250.
Match Day Eight--@ Valertinette WON 2-1
Match Day Nine--@ Vilita Draw 2-2
Match Day Ten--Vs. Elrich WON 1-0 at Rockport Field at Harborside, Rockport: Attendance: 71,200.
Match Day Eleven--@ Hiiraan LOST 0-1
Match Day Twelve--@ Dorian and Sonya WON 1-0
Match Day Thirteen--@ Eauz
Match Day Fourteen--Vs. Milchama at Qazian Memorial Stadium, Qazox City: Capacity: 79,250.
Match Day Fifeeen--@ Tanah Burung
Match Day Sixteen--BYE
Match Day Seventeen--Vs. Valertinette at Fromburg Field, Fromburg: Capacity:78,963.
Match Day Eighteen-- Vs. Vilita at Qazian Memorial Stadium, Qazox City: Capacity: 79,250.

Match Day 12 Scores and Standings:
GROUP 3
Tanah Burung 2-4 Eauz
Elrich 1-3 Vilita
Valertinette 1-1 Hiiraan
Dorian and Sonya 0-1 Qazox

Pos Team P W D L GF GA GD Pts
1 Eauz 10 8 1 1 33 5 28 25
2 Vilita 10 8 1 1 30 9 21 25
3 Qazox 11 5 1 5 12 12 0 16
4 Tanah Burung 11 5 0 6 16 18 -2 15
5 Milchama 10 4 2 4 16 20 -4 14
6 Hiiraan 11 3 4 4 8 11 -3 13
7 Elrich 11 4 1 6 14 21 -7 13
8 Dorian and Sonya 11 2 2 7 9 24 -15 8
9 Valertinette 11 2 2 7 7 25 -18 8

Green wombat

17-03-2006, 06:53

GREEN WOMBAT DAILY NEWS
Tommorow's Lottery Numbers{5-11-27-34-35 Bonus 22}

Hopeless is the chances that the Fighting Wombats will qualify for the next round. Even with today's 2-2 draw vs. Georgeonia, the wombats are 5 points out with 5 games to play. 4 of those 5 are against teams higher in the standings, but with a -12 goal differential, it would be nearly improbable to advance. Today's goals were scored by: Ensign Graves in the 33rd minute and by 1st Sergent Second in the 55th. CpL Holmes gave up two goals, one in the 20th minute and one in the 60th minute. Green wombat will travel to Tadjikistan where it is expected that the wombats will be creamed.

Audioslavia

17-03-2006, 07:08

http://www.geocities.com/lifeobrien/bull.txt
'Slaves Manage a Trois
100% record in tact, 'Slaves ten points clear

Audioslavia are just getting better and better. Whereas the side were scraping victories here and there in the first half of qualifying, the second half has seen them hit eight goals without reply.

Ariddia, like Nedalia, have been struggling in mid table for most of the qualifiers and are desperately looking to scrape wins of their own. Unfortunately for the rouge et noir, they were again found wanting against the 'slaves who swept them away in a first half barrage.

Vitalis' strike on nine minutes set the wheels in motion for the upkeep of Audioslavia's unprecedented winning streak, and the almost certain destruction of Ariddia's realistic chances of qualifying for World Cup 27. Vitalis would breach the defence again on twenty minutes, shimmying past the goalie and putting the ball in the empty net for 2-0, before Didi Mussorgsky earned his fourth goal in two games with a smart lob over the advancing Sandrine Leduc.

Ariddia had to wait until the second half for their first proper forays into the Audioslavian penalty area, with Ismail Faraj wasting their best opportunity by scuffing a shot over the bar from a low cross by Frederic Clement. Clement would have his own opportunities at goal, but two weak headers near the end of the game weren't nearly enough to beat Audioslavia goalkeeper Gunnar Yngve.

Pos Team P W D L GF GA GD Pts
1 Audioslavia 10 10 0 0 25 6 19 30
2 Commerce Heights 10 6 2 2 20 9 11 20
3 Chicanada 11 6 1 4 16 10 6 19
4 Kelse 11 5 3 3 19 16 3 18
5 Ariddia 11 4 3 4 20 19 1 15
6 Nedalia 10 3 3 4 18 24 -6 12
7 Berner Street 11 2 3 6 12 23 -11 9
8 Pedriana 11 2 2 7 8 16 -8 8
9 Ocmeoub 11 1 1 9 11 26 -15 4

Ariddia's defeat hasn't knocked them out as such, but has made qualification all the more difficult as they drop four points adrift of the playoffs. Chicanada's defeat to Commerce Heights means the two swap places in second and third place, a result that means the Commerce Heights Bulldogs are clear favourites for that second automatic qualification spot. As for the playoff space, its anyones guess. Chicanada are the best bet, but you simply cannot write Kelse off. Their sensational 3-2 away win against Ocemoub has kept them in contention, and if they can keep snatching points here and there then they may become one of the very few sides to ever qualify for the World Cup at first attempt. They will have to keep at bay though, two sides who, despite having a bit of bother with getting points, more than capable of putting together a string of wins and putting themselves back in contention. Ariddia, if they have enough in the tank for the last stretch, can still catch up with a few well placed wins, whilst Nedalia still field that same blisteringly talented side for every game, but need to find some confidence and self belief from somewhere if they're to get themselves back in the qualification mix.

I've been Jeremy Jaffacake, g'nite bitches.

The Archregimancy

17-03-2006, 07:15

<OOC: real life intervening again. Apologies for lack of any real character in RP>

THE MONASTIC TIMES

ARCHREGIMANCY REMAIN TOP DESPITE BYE
But What's With Cuation?

By Fr. Nicholas the Scribe

The Archregimancy remain top of Group 6 overnight despite taking a forced bye day. The other group results were:

Swilatia 1-2 Rejistania - We would have preferred the atheists to beat the heathens (with their strange bird-worshipping dances), but surely this result comes as no surprise
Rordia 2-2 Praying2God - The third and fourth place teams cancel each other out. Nice.
The The Footie Dream Team 2-2 Bazalonia and Popolus 0-0 New Preussen results are largely irrelevant.

Which all leaves the table looking like:

Pos Team P W D L GF GA GD Pts
1 The Archregimancy 10 7 2 1 23 12 11 23
2 Rejistania 10 7 1 2 19 6 13 22
3 Praying2God 10 6 2 2 25 11 14 20
4 Rordia 11 6 2 3 19 14 5 20
5 Swilatia 11 4 3 4 17 19 -2 15
6 New Preussen 11 3 1 7 9 24 -15 10
7 Bazalonia 11 2 3 6 16 16 0 9
8 Popolus 11 2 3 6 11 23 -12 9
9 The Footie Dream Team 11 1 3 7 9 23 -14 6

Meanwhile, Monastic Football Association officials were baffled by accusation from Cuation that unspecified Archregimancy officials were bribing referees in order to harm Cuation's qualification chances.

"What sort of heretical nonsense is this?" said a senior archimandrite, speaking on condition of anonymity. "We don't care about Cuation (though we obviously care for the souls of the nation's citizens). We're not even in Cuation's group. What possible motivation could we possibly have for getting involved in Cuation's qualification? And how many times do we have to say... MONKS DON'T CHEAT! Not Orthodox ones, anyway. Not sure about those Copts, though."

Praying2God

17-03-2006, 07:49

WARRIORS SLIP ON RORD, BUT REFUSE TO FALL AGAIN

The Praying2God Warriors keep slipping on the road, but have refused to lose a road match thus far in WC XXVII. The latest result was a vastly disappointing, but very lucky, 2-2 draw in Rordia. The Warriors appeared to have their "D" game out on the field yesterday, and had to be bailed out by yet another round of Thomas Larson heroics. This time, he wasn't the one scoring the goal, rather he made an inbelievable pass through traffic to an open Kelly Carter, who merely had to tap the ball into the net to escape with a point in the 88th minute. Rordia put the Warriors in a 1-2 hole at halftime, with the Warriors' goal coming from Kylie Holly in the 28th minute off a feed from Alissa Madison. The fact that the Warriors could play so poorly on the road and still come away with a point indicatess how much of a talent discrepency there is between the two nations on the field. The Warriors now get to return home for a match against Bazalonia that you can expect the Warriors to be ready for, after being held to a surprise draw in their first meeting, before returning to the road for the following three matches, including the most difficult pair of road matches of qualifying in Rejistania and The Archregimancy.

Wentland

17-03-2006, 08:36

Baldy Brissen clambered above the ice-falls of Mount Starreach to speak th he three. It had been a long and arduous journey, via Donington and the tiny mountain hamlet of Elliam, to reach the most mysterious peak in all Wentland.

He approached the crystal hut tentatively. As he reached the basalt door he espied a parchment of vellum upon which charcoal ink had been inscribed.

"The Three are away."

Gah.

He pulled the sheet off and noticed writing on the other side. "As for you, Brissen, we know you are to come. We have already done what you seek."

Eh?

He stumbled back down the mountain, bivouacing in a crevice, and when he arrived at Elliam he saw the newspaper sport headlines. "Spaam Go Down To Oliverry".

Yes.

***

In order to bring some much-needed impetus to the team, the WFA had decided to host East Lithuania in the abyssal fires of Alumgreen. The crowd was nasty, thirsty, impatient for some action, incandescent at the apparent snub to them in the current set of qualifiers. A play-off place seemed to be the best that anyone could hope for; eight points adrift, with a game in hand, with Spaam to play at home and the most difficult games over with. Home matches with Shing-Shang and of course tonight's game. A trip to Haraki would not be easy but winnable. Three points from all of those and there was a chance.

But after four consecutive defeats the squad was mentally gone. How could they be picked up? Brissen had gone for an attacking team again against the East Lits, the Fletchers back either wing, but Joe Okey playing in an advanced wing role and Tiny Smith up front to knock down for Treves. Some slight shaking up should be of assistance.

With the fever rising, Brissen had one final surprise. The Three had indeed served him well. There was a knock at the dressing-room door. "Now," said Brissen in a not-too-convincing note of surprise, "who could that be?"

The door opened and the familiar sheepskin came around. The squad shouted in delighted surprise.

"BOSS!!!!"

Georgeonia

17-03-2006, 11:10

GROUP 11
Pastorville 0-4 Tadjikistan
Andossa Se Mitrin Vega 2-5 Lovisa
Emporer Pudu 0-1 Becquerelia
Georgeonia 2-2 Green wombat

Squids now five games undefeated!

The squids continued their run of form last night, holding Green Wombats
to a two-all draw, and have now gone five games without a loss. The win
takes the Squids into fourth place, their highest ever position in group,
eleven and they are now just three points behind ASMV who occupy the
play-off spot. The match last night was a well balanced affair, which
could have been won by either team, and in the end a draw was a fair
result. Georgeonia took the lead in the twentieth minute, when Majewski
fired in a curling shot from the edge of the area after a period of
Georgeonian pressure. Green wombat had levelled by half time, however, and
at the break there appeared to be little to separate the two teams. The
second half saw more of the same close play. Wombat went ahead on the
fifty-fifth minute, but Camplin again levelled in the sixtieth. Several
chances by either side in the final minutes meant that the win could have
gone to either team, but in the end both were relieved to have taken a
point from this game. Elsewhere in the group, Tadjikistan and Louvisa
both demolished their hapless opponents, and now look certain to qualify.
Becquerelia edged a close encounter with Emperor Pudu for their second
win of the campaign. Tonight the Squids host Emperor Pudu, a must-win
game for the squids if they wish to continue their bid for third place,
as after tonight three of their last four games are against AMSV, Louvisa
and Tadjikistan. In other news a two day strike of media workers is
sceduled to begin tomorrow, so we will have a full round up of our next
three matches in a special extended edition when we return.

MD01: Away to Giant Zucchini L 3-0
MD02: Home to Pastorville W 1-0
MD03: Away to Green Wombat L 1-0
MD04: Away to Emperor Pudu D 0-0
MD05: Away to Louvisa L 3-0
MD06: Home to Andossa Se Mitrin Vega L 1-2
MD07: Away to Becquerelia D 1-1
MD08: --- No Match ---
MD09: Away to Tadjikistan D 1-1
MD10: Home to Giant Zucchini W 3-2
MD11: Away to Pastorville W 0-1
MD12: Home to Green Wombat D 2-2

Giant Zucchini

17-03-2006, 11:56

Yet Another Own Goal!
Episode 5: The Slump

Well…guess what…Mr. Green Couch Man is on his couch! Haha, kidding; he’s nowhere to be seen.

“…and so, looking forward to the Zucchinis’ next match, they face the tough prospect of Pastorville, fired up after a 4-0 hammering from Tadjikistan. However, the Zucchinis are desperate to win this one after a horrible run that has seen the Zucchinis winless in their last 6 qualifying matches, a statistic that leaves them at the bottom of the qualification table. However, there are still 6 more matches to go, and a good run in the final stretch could produce a miracle for the Zucchinis…”

To be continued…

Apologetic Kittens

17-03-2006, 12:13

It had to happen eventually, and Dewey Gronko was the man who made it happen. The Kittens fought for a 1-0 victory, their first of this campaign. It'slifted them right into the fray for a place, and hopes are now high that dreams can come true.

The goal itself was nothing spectacular, with Roberts flinging in a cross which Gronko calmly headed into the net. But hopefully it shall go down as the moment the Kittens started their campaign for a place in the world cup.

Tadjikistan

17-03-2006, 12:17

All hail Pliiev
By Simon Grinchik, part time sportsjournalist

he matched his father as player and now, Michael Pliiev becomes a succesful coach as the Tigers beat the Uberdefenders of group 11, Pastorville. Even the Saints' fans could not believe their eyes as the Tigers brushed them aside with 4 goals. Did the Tigers get their old form back?

'Heh, maybe I should stay around as player-coach. I'm beginning to enjoy this. was Pliiev first response after the game. but he was very realistic and refused to agree with the media when they said he was going to save the Tigers 'I'm not a coach, I'm a player. This victory is the work of the team, they put the effort into it to prove that they arent as bad as some people suggest. I'm just lucky I can work with them.

TNFF President Frunze listened to his 'wonderboy' as he is being called in the Tadjik press and assured him a replacement was underway to relieve him from his task as interim coach 'Another former player, Alexander Zaev, who used to work as assistent of the Sadirov brothers has agreed to lead the Tadjik Tigers for the duration of this World Cup. Zaev is an excellent second option after the refusal of the Sadirovs, he knows how this team works because he played and coached them for several years.

In his first interview Alexander Zaev said he wanted to keep Pliiev as assistent ;Michael has shown himself an able organizer and we already know he is a great player so it would be foolish not to use his knowledge and experience. Especially in our first games I will need him to get acqainted with all these players whom I barely know.'

And so everything is finally working out for the Tigers, with a new coach and an excellent position to work from as the Sea Dragons got trashed by Lovisa, making a gap of 5 points between them and the Tigers. Zaev now gets a chance to widen that gap and close in on the Lovisans.

Tadjikistan - 3
Zyrianov '22, Pliiev '31, Tulberdiev '75, Zverev '78
Pastorville - 1
-

Pos Team P W D L GF GA GD Pts
1 Lovisa 10 8 2 0 30 6 24 26
2 Tadjikistan 10 6 3 1 23 7 16 21
3 Andossa Se Mitrin Vega 11 5 1 5 14 21 -7 16
4 Georgeonia 11 3 4 4 10 15 -5 13
5 Pastorville 11 4 1 6 7 12 -5 13
6 Becquerelia 11 2 6 3 8 9 -1 12
7 Emporer Pudu 11 2 5 4 10 17 -7 11
8 Green wombat 11 3 2 6 11 23 -12 11
9 Giant Zucchini 10 2 2 6 14 17 -3 8

Fixtures:
MD1: Stay at home, do nothing
MD2: Giant Zucchini - Tadjikistan W 1-3
MD3: Tadjikistan - Pastorville W 2-0
MD4: Green Wombat - Tadjikistan W 0-4
MD5: Tadjikistan - Emperor Pudu D 1-1
MD6: Lovisa - Tadjikistan L 2-1
MD7: Tadjikistan - Andossa Se Mitrin Vega W 3-0
MD8: Becquerelia - Tadjikistan D 1-1
MD9: Tadjikistan - Georgonia D 1-1
MD10: Stay home again, do nothing
MD11: Tadjikistan - Giant Zucchini W 3-1
MD12: Pastorville - Tadjikistan W 0-4
MD13: Tadjikistan - Green Wombat
MD14: Emperor Pudu - Tadjikistan
MD15: Tadjikistan - Lovisa
MD16: Andossa se Mitrin Vega - Tadjikistan
MD17: Tadjikistan - Becquerelia
MD18: Georgonia - Tadjikistan

Tadjik Goalscorers:
Saradov - 6
Zyrianov - 5
Tulberdiev - 3
Pliiev - 1
Priore - 1
Gurchev - 1
Kornilov - 1
Kirponos - 1

Cataduanes

17-03-2006, 12:35

ISLANDERS FALTER

As expected the Islanders lost to Crystalikere 3-0 away from home, the home team dominated the game with the home crowd cheering there every move, Cataduanes failed to bring anything positive from the game and Coach Manua failed to pass comment at the post match press meet such was his dissappoinment with the result. The islander really need to start picking up consecutive victories if they are to have any chance of making the tournament.

Jeruselem

17-03-2006, 13:17

Jeruselem Government News

Pretenders falter as top 2 power on

Group 1 is looking lop-sided. The two threats to the Jeruselem and Paladins could not cope at all.

Collonie took on a Jeruselem which lost it's last game. They had a chance for glory but Jeruselem scored 5 goals to Collonie's two in the end. Jeruselem was back from it's slumber and well, the opponent's defense caved in the end to a Crusader cavalry charge of goals. Jeruselem are still 2nd but a country mile though.

The Paladins also had their fighting spirit. Cuation took up the fight but fell short losing to NMS 2-3. The Paladins look like losing to no one except Jeruselem and actually lead Group 1 due to the Jeruselem loss on MD11.

An Archy won another game 1-0, against Kirstiriera (2nd last). No surprise, but they do move to 5th now. They displaced Druida who had a bye undoing their progress on MD10, and Druida fell back to 7th.

CR Oscilloscope won their 4th game but are 6th with a remote chance of making the top 3. Atheistic Right lost this game and well, are winning something - the wooden spoon.

As it stands with NMS and Jeruselem having their byes, the 5 point game between 2nd and 3rd is big. 3rd and 4th placed teams are the ones to fight over the playoff spot while the others need to mount some charge. 5th placed An Archy are 4 points behind 4th, so anyone below them will need wins - BADLY. If you play NMS and Jeruselem, then expect not to win.

GROUP 1
Collonie 2-5 Jeruselem
Cuation 2-3 New Montreal States
Kirstiriera 0-1 An Archy
CR Oscilloscopes 2-1 Atheistic Right

Pos Team P W D L GF GA GD Pts
1 New Montreal States 10 8 0 2 22 11 11 24
2 Jeruselem 10 7 2 1 28 8 20 23
3 Cuation 11 5 3 3 16 13 3 18
4 Collonie 11 5 2 4 18 18 0 17
5 An Archy 11 3 4 4 9 14 -5 13
6 CR Oscilloscopes 11 4 1 6 7 18 -11 13
7 Druida 10 3 3 4 9 12 -3 12
8 Kirstiriera 11 2 3 6 11 17 -6 9
9 Atheistic Right 11 0 4 7 10 19 -9 4

GROUP 9

The Lions had a bye. Not helpful really. The usual suspects won again except Pedriana who lost to Berner Street 0-1. The Lions stay 6th, and are 8 points behind Commerce Heights who are on 20 points. The Lions MUST WIN most of the last game to overcome the likes of Chicanada and Kelse who are threatening CH.

Ariddia 0-3 Audioslavia
Chicanada 1-3 Commerce Heights
Ocmeoub 2-3 Kelse
Berner Street 1-0 Pedriana

GROUP 10

Look at group 10. The Canucks and Casari just trashed their opponents 4-0 and 5-0. The top are settled, the others are running scared.

As for 3rd spot, the current 3rd to 7th are within 3 points of each other. It's upto someone to stand up and claim the playoff spot.

Majeristan 0-4 Hockey Canada
Harlesburg 0-5 Casari
Magnus Valerius 0-1 McPsychoville
Crna Gora Liv Eng 2-2 Imperial Moose

Swilatia

17-03-2006, 13:28

The Vivlek Times
SPORTS SECTION
Is all hope for Swilatia lost?
By: Jasper Neptune
The qualifications are almost over. And it does not look good for the Swilatian Team, who has just lost to rejistania, and will need to win all its reamaining qualification matches in order to qualify for the world cup. And the opponents do no look too easy, as today its The Archregimancy, who are currently on top. And tommorow is a bye day, and that means no possibility of gaining points. The previous bye day is what knocked is into the whole sticky situation, this next one can make it all much worse. Muuuuuch worse. At least, If we win today, we might get a little closer to the top 3, which we currently need 21 points to get on to. but the amount needed might change, we must keep up. only 6 days left now!
OOC: Im using a different media source in this post to demonstrate the large size of Swilatia's media sector.

Tynelia

17-03-2006, 15:03

“Hello everyone and welcome back to Tynelian Soccer Weekly. Back from an…illness its your regular team of Sal Spikeman and as always Anna Dalespin bringing you the latest from Tynelia’s World Cup run. In the teams latest game against <pauses and reads very carefully> New Chakovnia, Tynelia came away with a 1-0 win which allowed them to stay within striking distance of the also victorious Weegies and the idle the Kazoo Peoples in what looks to be an exciting fight for fourth in the group. To the surprise of a lot of people Nanakaland took over first place with a stunning 2-1 win over the former leaders Bettia. And the Weegies pulled an even more shocking 3-2 win over fifth ranked Total n Utter Insanity which had only been defeated by Bettia in the first round. Risa-Aramour kept pace with Tynelia after a strong 3-1 win over the freefalling Algal States which keeps them only a point behind Tynelia. How about today’s effort on Tynelia’s part Anna?”

<looking much more excited than in programs past Anna replies. “It was a great win Sal. Especially after Coach O’Meara sat many of his starters to get them rested for the Bettia match. Jay Masterson, Troy Wallace and Vladimar Malloy were given permission to fly straight to Bettia after the draw against Risa-Aramour to ensure they would not be suffering any jet lag in what looks to be a very hard fought game against a suddenly vulnerable looking Bettia team.”

“Right you are Anna, according to my numbers here Tynelia has actually outpointed Bettia over the last four games going 1-3-0 to 1-2-1 for Bettia. Is Bettia slipping up after an very strong start? The sudden locks now find themselves in the third place playoff spot where they would have to win against another third place team to even qualify for the Cup. But before we get onto that let’s take a look at the numbers of this last game.

“Tynelia went into its Baptism of Fire form and this time it worked out. A first half goal by Adam Billington, his first of the tournament, at the 30 minute mark was all Tynelia needed. Playing defensively the rest of the way Tynelia was actually outshot 9-8 in a very defensive match but held a 3-1 edge in quality shots. Amy Whiteworth recorded her second shutout of the tournament after blanking the Algal States in the first round. Time of possession was in Tynelia’s favor by almost five minutes as they were content to play keepaway most of the second half. After the game Coach Marcus o’Meara stated that Amy would get at least one more start in the Algal States rematch and depending on how things went possibly one more after that.”

“Yes Sal, it was nice to see Amy play this well though again it was against a lower ranked team. It would be interesting to see how she would do against the top seeds in the group. But this was a move I expected to see the first time around, giving the key players an extra day of rest before a tough Bettia game arrives. Tynelia played them very impressively being the only team to keep Bettia under three goals until the draw with the Weegies near the end of the round. That was at home and we have to wonder how the team will perform in front of the Bettian home crowd where Bettia will have the edge.”

“Well Anna, given the way Bettia is playing this has to be a good time for Tynelia to play them. We’re on our best run of the tournament to day and they’re on their worst. If there’s a time for Tynelia to steal a points from one of the top three this is certainly the time.”

“I agree Sal. The offense, while still last in the group has been able to score consistently since the bye and after being shutout the first time by Bettia which is noted for its lack of defense, Tynelia’s forwards are itching for another chance to take advantage of that.”

“How do you see the race for fourth now Anna? The Weegies’ upset was a big blow against Tynelia I would say.”

“Defintiely, most experts were sure to have the Weegies losing that game and been stuck with Risa-Aramour at 12 points one behind the Kazoo Peoples and Tynelia. Instead the Weegies are now two points ahead of them both. Both Risa-Aramour and Tynelia have to be concerned as they find themselves against Bettia and Total n Utter Insanity, both coming off upset losses. Seeing either of those teams losing two in a row seems extremely unlikely. And in the remaining match we actually need to hope for either a Kazoo peoples win or a draw to keep Tynelia within one win of both those teams.”

“So you think Tynelia will lose Anna?” Sal asked in a concerned tone as Anna blinked and realized what was being asked.

“Oh no Sal, not at all. I think Tynelia is catching Bettia at the right time and will steal a point in a hard fought 2-2 draw. A win may be asking too much but I think Tynelia is playing the best it has been all tournament and should surprise some people in their next game.”

“Ok Anna, I’m sure everyone watching has to be encouraged by your optimistic outlook for Tynelia’s chances. And now for the weather with the always lovely Harmonie Harris.”

“Hi Sal! Hi Anna! Glad to see you’re back!” Harmonie gushed with a knowing wink at the two cohosts. “Weather won’t be a problem in this game since everyone knows casinos are indoors and so the game against the Betters will be nice and dry, and probably air conditioned too! Back to you two lovebirds!”

“What?” Sal and Anna exclaimed together only to be met with a second knowing wink from Harmonie. “Well anyway, thanks Harmonie but the game will be played outdoors since there won’t be any gambling involved I’m sure in this game. But that’s all the time we have today. We’ll be back after the match tomorrow with our report when our live coverage of the Tynelia visit to Bettia for the next game in World Cup play. Until then, good night.”

<credits roll>

Spaam

17-03-2006, 15:19

Spaam Sports Weekly
NationStates' Most Notorious Sports Publication

Celebrating 100 Years of World Cup Participation

Jelbert's Second Breaks Streak

Spaam's seven game unbeaten streak was broken last night at home in
Artanis National Football Stadium, when they hosted Oliverry in an important
qualifying clash. Oliverry has one of the best offenses in the world, but they
were facing a team with one of the best defenses, incarnate in 'The Rock of
Spaam', keeper Morwetha Jelbert. The first half had the Waffles on the
defensive, but frustrated the visitors by preventing any good chances at
goal.

The second half looked like producing the same result, and fans were looking
forward to a nil all draw, when striker Tristan Carrière beat Jelbert on a lucky
header. With Oliverry's offense too strong, the game finished the same way
as last time these two teams met. Coach Dochou Gee said after the match,
"We knew we were fighting an uphill battle, and unfortunately we lost. On
the bright side, we again kept the side to just one goal, which is testament
to our improving defense. Now we have time to rest and hopefully come back
against Haraki in two weeks time."

Spaam 0:1 Oliverry
(6 Carrière 77)

The Group Of Death

The away teams had a field day, winning all four matches. Starblaydia were
given a scare when East Lithuania produced an equaliser, but came out 2-1
winners in the end. The Shing-Shang vs Haraki match produced an identical
result and an identical scare. While Priggdom got what was coming to them,
and were smashed at home by eighth placed Obsidianus, two goals to zip.

East Lithuania 1:2 Starblaydia
Shing-Shang 1:2 Haraki
Priggdom 0:2 Obsidianus

Spaam stays in third position, and with all the other results, will be there at
the end of next week as well. Starblaydia and Oliverry are first and second,
and though are still within range of Spaam, and even Priggdom and Haraki, will
probably remain there. Starblaydia leads every statistic in the group, and
currently has the best defense in the world, with Spaam equal second.
Priggdom stays in fourth position, four points and 18 goals behind a playoff
spot, and Haraki are two points behind them in fifth.

Wentland and East Lithuania are tied on thirteen points, a clear six points
ahead of eighth, but East Lithuania are still to have their bye. They are now
for all intents and purposes out of a clear qualifying spot, but are still within
reach of a playoff position - and next week's match should eliminate one of
them. Obsidianus is a clear five points from last, so should finish qualifying in
eighth, while Shing-Shang needs a miracle to not receive the wooden spoon
in six weeks time.

Pos Team P W D L GF GA GD Pts PPG G%
1 Starblaydia 10 8 1 1 31 3 28 25 2.5 91
2 Oliverry 10 7 2 1 30 13 17 23 2.3 70
3 Spaam 11 6 3 2 16 5 11 21 1.9 76
4 Priggdom 11 5 2 4 13 20 -7 17 1.5 39
5 Haraki 11 5 0 6 10 16 -6 15 1.4 38
6 Wentland 10 4 1 5 16 20 -4 13 1.3 44
7 East Lithuania 11 3 4 4 11 12 -1 13 1.2 48
8 Obsidianus 11 2 1 8 13 25 -12 7 0.6 34
9 Shing-Shang 11 0 2 9 8 34 -26 2 0.2 19

Next Week

Spaam will have the bye next week, to regroup from their loss and prepare
against their tough away game against Haraki. Starblaydia host Obsidianus in
what should be a big win for the Perils, while Oliverry should walk over Haraki,
though the Hawks can surprise. Wentland host the dark horses of the group
East Lithuania, in a game that the Spaamanian fans will be hoping will go to
the away team. The final game will be giant-kilers Priggdom hosting wooden
spoon favourites Shing-Shang, in a match that ALL other fans will be hoping
goes to the away team.

Statistics

Home vs Away
P W D L GF GA GD Pts PPG G%
Home 6 4 1 1 11 1 10 13 2.2 92
Away 5 2 2 1 5 4 1 8 1.6 56
Total 11 6 3 2 16 5 11 21 1.9 76

Goal Scorers
No Name G P
17 Mylor Goss 5 10
1 Ewa Ivey 4 10
6 Cleder Cawrse 3 7
4 Crewenna Roskelly 2 10
8 Melyor Trewin 1 5
11 Credan Trethewey 1 10
7 Colan Trebilcock -1 5

History
1 Spaam 4:0 Obsidianus W
2 Shing-Shang 1:1 Spaam D
3 Oliverry 1:0 Spaam L
4 BYE
5 Spaam 1:0 Haraki W
6 Priggdom 0:0 Spaam D
7 Starblaydia 0:1 Spaam W
8 Spaam 4:0 Wentland W
9 Spaam 0:0 East Lithuania D
10 Obsidianus 2:3 Spaam W
11 Spaam 2:0 Shing-Shang W
12 Spaam 0:1 Oliverry L
13 BYE
14 Haraki ?:? Spaam ?

Photo Opportunities

Waffles defender, Demelza Chenoweth in domestic action.

http://www.abbywambach.com/images/front/wambach_3782.jpg

The Lowland Clans

17-03-2006, 17:59

GRAHAM CITY SUN - Sports Section
Stars Come Within Five Minutes of Upset

LIVERPOOL ENGLAND - The Stars came within five minutes yesterday of a major upset of group leader and top ranked team Liverpool England. Up 2-1 on beautiful goals from Ryley Bloudin and Phillip Konstantinoppolis, the Stars looked poised to take it all home, gaining three points that could be the security the Stars need to secure the playoff spot. But then, depending on how you look at it, God or the Devil intervened. With eighty-five minutes left, Gjergj Bashkim makes a bad pass that leads to a giveaway to The English, who take it in to the box and try to drive it past Heath Porter. Deflected off his hand and towards the net, Quentin Mackallen sprints back and tries to save the ball. He clears the ball, but not after the linesmen raises his flag for a goal.

The Stars protest wildly, while video replays are inconcludive, the goal stands. Then on the next attack after a clear to the English keeper, The English enter the goal box, and plant a perfect give and go to beat the defense and Porter to win the game. "We played our game well, but in the end we could not finish," said captain Mackallen. "We should have stayed focused," said vetern winger Aleksandr Konstadin, "but we let the goal get to us and made childish mistakes on defense that cost us the upset." Travelling to Kazoo Peoples next week for a friendly, Stjepan said that this would be a perfect match to unwind for the team.

"With so much pressure put on our guys, you can really see it wear on them. This friendly against Kazoo, there won't be much pressure. It will be good for them, to do what they love without the constant barrage of media telling us we have failed."

[OOC: This is a request to scorinate a friendly between me and the Kazoo People with the Matchday 12 scores. Hope that isn't a problem. Cheers.]

Squornshelous

17-03-2006, 19:09

Squornshelous Keeping Pace with Sloths

The Pschychoes smash their first two opponents of the second half of qualifying
The path to the World Cup gets clearer and clearer with each match, as Squornshelous piles up wins and goals, but still lags just behind Schiavonia, who are playing beyond all expectations as one of the best teams in qualifying. They may not play with the same flashy, goal-scoring style as the Pschychoes, but the Sloths have put up solid defensive performances alongside an attack that gets the job done. Translation: they win a lot. Shiavonia has consistently outperformed their opponent, including the Pschychoes, whom they beat 4-2 in our first meeting. Now, after matches with a troublesome team from John Parkin, and basement dwellers San Adriano, the Pschychoes will be able to avenge themselves for this loss. We anticipate no trouble from our next two matches, which should be easily won, now that the Pschychoes have found their form. With the attack still putting in four goals per match, it should be hard for us to lose many matches from here on out. We hope to pull out draws with the tougher teams remaining at the very least.

Final Scores:
Squornshelous 3-0 The Islands of Qutar

Squornshelous 5-0 The Macabees

Squornshelous' Qualifying Schedule:
wins losses draws byes
MD01: bye
MD02: The Islands of Qutar 1-3 Squornshelous
MD03: Squornshelous 5-1 The Macabees
MD04: Jon Parkin 4-4 Squornshelous
MD05: Squornshelous 5-0 San Adriano
MD06: Schiavonia 4-2 Squornshelous
MD07: Squornshelous 2-0 Kericia
MD08: Apologetic Kittens 1-6 Squornshelous
MD09: Squornshelous 5-0 Spaamanian Plijous
MD10: bye
MD11: Squornshelous 3-0 The Islands of Qutar
MD12: The Macabees 0-5 Squornshelous
MD13: Squornshelous v Jon Parkin
MD14: San Adriano v Squornshelous
MD15: Squornshelous v Schiavonia
MD16: Kericia v Squornshelous
MD17: Squornshelous v Apologetic Kittens
MD18: Spaamanian Plijous v Squornshelous

Becquerelia

17-03-2006, 20:57

Christopher Fullbright stood at the corner of the field, contemplating what exactly he was supposed to do.

He remembered Coach Ransome counseling to him in a quick voice, loud enough to hear over the screaming crowd. "Take the kick and try to place it at the far end of the goal! We got Constantine at the near end to try and make the Wombats think we're kicking it to him! Novoselic and Wainwright will charge the goal once you kick it and try to head it in, we also have Abigantus at the middle of the goal just in case! I want this goal Christopher! It's piling on but I don't care, I want this goal!"

Fullbright shook his head. Most people would be happy with a 2-0 win. So was Ransome, for about 15 minutes, but then he got bored and sent his team on the attack again. Whatever, he's the coach right?

So Fullbright backed up, looked for where he wanted the kick to go, and ran forward and put his boot into the ball.

And at that second, the world entered slow-motion Or at least it seemed.

Fullbright watched the ball start to travel through the air, and he recalled what Madame Rose had told him.

The king's archer watches in the forest...
The envious monster watches him...
The sky and stars watch him as well...

Fullbright remembered Madame Rose going into a trance it seemed like, and spouting out a puzzling riddle like poem, while he had tried to figure it out. It made some sort of sense now. The king's archer was him, the king was Coach Ransome. The envious monster? A wombat he guessed. Green with envy was how the saying went, so that may be the color. And the stadium all around him was watching him, and singing February Stars in a drunken excitement.

Hm.

The ball kept rising, a lot higher than he had expected.

The archer fires, but his arrow isn't true...

The ball appear to be going further left than he had wanted. If it kept doing that, it would be on the other side of the field and probably bounce out of bounds. But...

His arrow is taken away by the eclipse,
But Luna fires a arrow of her own...

The ball had traveled high enough to be back-lit by the stadium lighting. And the ball seemed to be caught by the wind, and started going down to the right.

Down.

Down...

Christopher saw that at the rate it was going, the shot was either going to be short of the goal, or clip the top of the net and bounce away to nothingness. But...

This arrow's flight is true...
It hits the ravenous beast...
And the beast dies pierced thrice.

The ball arched earthward. It was close enough to the net that no one was able to really get at it, the goalie misjudged the shot, and it went just behind his outstreched arms, hit the ground and just bounced over the line and into the goal. And Becquerelia led Green wombat 3-0.

-

That night, Christopher Fullbright wrote a short note to the team explaining what he doing and why. They wouldn't understand, but that was alright with him. He headed to the stadium, taped the note to his locker, and left.

That night he drove, and prepared for the future he someday hoped he'd be able to understand.

-

Head Coach Macarius Ransome got to the stadium early, as he always did. He wanted to meet here with the team before they traveled to the airport to head off to Emporer Pudu. As he walked toward his office, he saw the note adressed to him on Fullbright's locker. He took it, opened it, and read it.

"...You're leaving to become a psychic?! Are you insane?!"

Becquerelia

17-03-2006, 21:06

(OOC: Wondering about Becquerelia's roster, uniforms, home stadium, or whatever? We wonder no more, and head to Becquerelia's roster post (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=10526289&postcount=63).)

And we turn back around to see what's behind us:

http://www.geocities.com/becquerelia/images/bnff.gifBecqurelia - (1)__________(0) - Emporer Puduhttp://www.geocities.com/becquerelia/images/emporerpudu.gif

BECQUERELIA WINS WITHOUT FULLBRIGHT
Captain's Mysterious Disappearance Overshadows Game

Emporer Pudu (JNS) - Becquerelia won it's second game in a row, this time at Emporer Pudu, but all anyone could think about was where team captain Defender Christopher Fullbright was.

When the game started, Fullbright was not on the pitch, and back-up defender Conan Smear was starting his first career game. Forward Peter Constantine was wearing a captain's yellow armband. And Fullbright was nowhere to be found.

A short, terse press release by the Becquerelian National Football Federation released to press around the time the game started said that Christopher Fullbright was not traveling with the National Team during this stretch of away games, but that Fullbright was fine.

But immediatly after the game, a press release by the BNFF said that Fullbright had left the team "for personal reasons", and had retired from football.

There was no way to question what had happened furthur, because the BNFF refused calls from the press, and the National Team refused to participate in a post-game press conference or to talk to reporters at any time. After the game, the team quickly got on their bus and traveled to the airport in order to fly out to Lovisa for the next game.

This strange situation regarding Fullbright overshadowed a fine game, as Becquerelia and Emporer Pudu, two defensive football teams, fought hard, with Midfielder Daniel Abigantus scoring his first international goal and the game winner in the fifty-second minute.

Becquerelia's Current Results and Upcoming Schedule
Home Team Last
WIN DRAW LOSS

MD01: Becquerelia - 0 Pastorville - 2
MD02: Becquerelia - 0 Green wombat - 1
MD03: Emporer Pudu - 0 Becquerelia - 0
MD04: Lovisa - 1 Becquerelia - 1
MD05: Becquerelia - 0 Androssa Se Mitrin Vega - 2
MD06: BYE
MD07: Georgeonia - 1 Becquerelia - 1
MD08: Tadjikistan - 1 Becquerelia - 1
MD09: Becquerelia - 0 Giant Zucchini - 0
MD10: Pastorville - 1 Becquerelia - 1
MD11: Green wombat - 0 Becquerelia - 3
MD12: Becquerelia - 1 at Emporer Pudu - 0
MD13: Becquerelia (2-6-3) at Lovisa (8-2-0)
MD14: Androssa Se Mitrin Vega (5-1-5) at Becquerelia (2-6-3)
MD15: BYE
MD16: Becquerelia (2-6-3) at Georgeonia (3-4-4)
MD17: Becquerelia (2-6-3) at Tadjikistan (6-3-1)
MD18: Giant Zucchini (2-2-6) at Becquerelia (2-6-3)

Chicanada

17-03-2006, 21:09

Chicanada Daily Rabbler
Home to Kodiak and Snow Leopard News

Return Of The Daggars
Nation looses as expected, MSDP takes lead in polls with Communique

Eastentown - No one expected the Kodiaks to win against Commerce Heights - the nation was 0-0-2 with no goals scored and 2 against.

Things did look promising, as the nation saw it's national club ride a four-game points streak to second place, even with a game more played.

Instead, the promises collapsed as the Kodiaks tripped to a 3-1 loss to the Capitalizts that saw politics once again affected. The Kodiaks lone goal came in the final munites off a corner kick, with the game all but decided and most of the stadium empty.

So much promise in their 1-0 loss at the Capitalizts collapsed through the game, as the rested opponents outmatched all inside the Island Clan Stadia and retook second place as the Kodiaks head towards their friendly with Yafor 2 and a probable loss against current 4th place Kelse, who sit one point back of the Kodiaks and could easily knock them out of international competition by winning on the Kodiaks' off-day.

The MSDP continued to surge in the polls thanks to the Do-Or-Die Communique, with a resounding 80% of the public supporting the Communique and 45% - the highest since the day the Communique came out - saying it should already be forced onto the team, resulting in reservists and U21 having to finish off play while the major stars return to club competition. While no party wants to use the Communique and kill the club's still promising chances, they are clearly running out of time and must beat most, if not all, the clubs that remain to get to the playoffs or the Finals. Otherwise, say goodbye to the Kodiaks from World Cup play.

Kodiak National Side Schedule (Here wo go...back to 5th!)
MD01: W 1-0 v Pedriana (@ Moutainside Fairgrounds, Castille)
MD02: W 1-0 @ Ocmeoub
MD03: L 1-0 @ Commerce Heights
MD04: off day - plans for training in Kinsington
MD05: L 1-0 v Kelse (@ New Governess Palace, Kinsington)
MD06: W 2-0 @ Berner Street
MD07: L 2-1 @ Audioslavia
MD08: W 3-0 v Nedalia (@ Depot Centre, Cana)
MD09: T 1-1 v Arrida (@ Heartland Stadium, Goedi)
MD10: W 1-0 @ Pedriana
MD11: W 5-2 v Ocmeoub (@ BFC Pavillion, Bishop County)
MD12: L 3-1 v Commerce Heights (@ Island Clan Stadia, Palace Heights)
MD13: v Yafor 2 (exibition game @ Steelgrounds, Atens)
MD14: @ Kelse
MD15: v Berner Street (@ Coastal Stadium, New Glasgow)
MD16: v Audioslavia (@ Southampton National Square)
MD17: @ Nedalia
MD18: @ Arrida

Chicanada's opening-day Steelgrounds match against Yarfor 2 will be tonight at 1845 tonight in Atens. General ferry service fromthe Capital, Palace Heights and Southampton will recommence for the match at the 60,000 seat stadium. Canal 3 will carry the game live.

The Gupta Dynasty

17-03-2006, 21:09

The Sporting Daily News brings you...
World Cup Qualifying Group Predictions!

Group 1
Pos Team P W D L GF GA GD Pts
1 New Montreal States 10 8 0 2 22 11 11 24
2 Jeruselem 10 7 2 1 28 8 20 23
3 Cuation 11 5 3 3 16 13 3 18
4 Collonie 11 5 2 4 18 18 0 17
5 An Archy 11 3 4 4 9 14 -5 13
6 CR Oscilloscopes 11 4 1 6 7 18 -11 13
7 Druida 10 3 3 4 9 12 -3 12
8 Kirstiriera 11 2 3 6 11 17 -6 9
9 Atheistic Right 11 0 4 7 10 19 -9 4
Group 1 is nearly decided already. Top two seeds New Montreal States and Jeruselem have looked strong throughout the entire cup so far and, according to some sources, are working together to dominate the group. The Orthodox Christian team and the co-multi-religious team have controlled the pace of their qualifying group and will take the top two spots easily. The third spot will most likely be taken by rapidly-improving, former-Baptism-of-Fire-winners Cuation, who will be a top team in two world cups or so.

Group 2
1 Nanakaland 11 9 0 2 20 14 6 27
2 Total n Utter Insanity 10 8 0 2 29 8 21 24
3 Bettia 10 7 2 1 31 15 16 23
4 The Weegies 11 4 3 4 16 17 -1 15
5 The Kazoo Peoples 10 4 1 5 19 20 -1 13
6 Tynelia 11 3 4 4 11 12 -1 13
7 Risa-Aramour 11 3 3 5 11 21 -10 12
8 Algal states 11 3 0 8 13 28 -15 9
9 The New Chakovnia 11 0 1 10 13 28 -15 1
When one would look at this group prior to the Qualifying, anyone could tell who the top five, or even six, teams would be. It is the order that has surprised many. The Nanakabirds of Nanakaland are looking immensely strong as they lead the Insanicans and the Aroras, the expected powers in this group. The Kazoo Peoples improved from a disasterous start and the veteran The Weegies, as well as surprises Tynelia finish up the standings. The top three will remain the same, though the order might not, but all three teams will qualify.

Group 3
Pos Team P W D L GF GA GD Pts
1 Eauz 10 8 1 1 33 5 28 25
2 Vilita 10 8 1 1 30 9 21 25
3 Qazox 11 5 1 5 12 12 0 16
4 Tanah Burung 11 5 0 6 16 18 -2 15
5 Milchama 10 4 2 4 16 20 -4 14
6 Hiiraan 11 3 4 4 8 11 -3 13
7 Elrich 11 4 1 6 14 21 -7 13
8 Dorian and Sonya 11 2 2 7 9 24 -15 8
9 Valertinette 11 2 2 7 7 25 -18 8
Two veteran teams with long storied World Cup histories lead the pack in World Cup Qualifying group three. Eauz and Vilita are some of the most amaxzing teams in history. It is the third spot which looks interesting. Newcomers Qazox, Tanah Burung, and Milchama all have a shot at taking it, along with Hiiraan, and even Elrich. The third spot looks wide open and the best team, most likely Milchama or Elrich, will qualify.

Group 4
Pos Team P W D L GF GA GD Pts
1 Sarzonia 10 10 0 0 37 5 32 30
2 Krytenia 10 7 2 1 25 10 15 23
3 Lethislavania 11 5 1 5 19 17 2 16
4 Vuam and Isma 11 5 1 5 13 16 -3 16
5 Legalese 11 4 2 5 26 25 1 14
6 Hypocria 10 4 2 4 12 13 -1 14
7 Palacetonia 11 4 2 5 13 23 -10 14
8 Revived Constantinople 11 3 0 8 9 28 -19 9
9 Rorysville 11 1 0 10 9 26 -17 3
The Stars of Sarzonia seem to be on a rampage to regain the number one ranking in the world. They are clear of their old rivals (and losers in penalties) Krytenia by almost seven points. The top two will remain the same, in that order, but the third spot here is interesting too. Lethislavania and Vuam and Isma lead, but any could take it, including veterans Legalese and Hypocria, and Palacetonia. Imagine that, Hypocria qualifying!

Group 5
Pos Team P W D L GF GA GD Pts
1 Spruitland 10 7 3 0 30 16 14 24
2 Crystilakere 10 7 1 2 26 7 19 22
3 Anathematic Republics 11 7 1 3 19 16 3 22
4 The Solar Association 11 7 0 4 18 16 2 21
5 Tonissia 11 4 2 5 22 24 -2 14
6 Cataduanes 10 4 1 5 17 19 -2 13
7 Nebuleux 11 3 1 7 13 21 -8 10
8 Dance 2 Revolution 11 2 1 8 8 21 -13 7
9 UN Peacekeepers 11 1 2 8 7 20 -13 5
The top four are the only teams of any note in this group. While veterans Dance 2 Revolution deserve a mention for, well, doing very little, the others are of no interest to those looking for those who will qaulify. It looks a tight race, with only three points seperating first placed Spruitland and fourth placed The Solar Association. Most likely Crystilakere will qualify somehow, but otherwise, maybe even the forces of Hell might get through.

Group 6
Pos Team P W D L GF GA GD Pts
1 The Archregimancy 10 7 2 1 23 12 11 23
2 Rejistania 10 7 1 2 19 6 13 22
3 Praying2God 10 6 2 2 25 11 14 20
4 Rordia 11 6 2 3 19 14 5 20
5 Swilatia 11 4 3 4 17 19 -2 15
6 New Preussen 11 3 1 7 9 24 -15 10
7 Bazalonia 11 2 3 6 16 16 0 9
8 Popolus 11 2 3 6 11 23 -12 9
9 The Footie Dream Team 11 1 3 7 9 23 -14 6
One's first reaction is "Woah, the monks are ahead!" One's second reaction is "Where is Rejistania?" The Karelans give off an aroma of total 'n' utter weakness, a smell that the Sarzonians must be enjoying. The top four spots look tightly packed, though it is a surprise not to see Bazalonia in there. Most likely the three more experienced teams, The Archregimency, Rejistania, and Praying2God will qualify, but only time will tell.

The last six groups are on page 8...

New Montreal States

17-03-2006, 22:43

PALADINS PROVE THEMSELVES ROAD WARRIORS

NMS wins all-out war with Cuation to keep top spot

CUATION - In a field full of blood, sweat, tears and toil, NMS star forward Gilles Villeneuve stood by center field after the match, just taking in the devastation.

"Unbelievable," he said of the match, which went downhill very, very quickly for both sides, looking at times more like a rugby game than a World Cup qualifier. Regardless, the Paladins eked out a 3-2 victory, thanks to the heroics of keeper Paul Chasson, who saved a late penalty shot that would have earned Cuation a point and left the Paladins neck and neck with the former BoF champions out to stake their claims as a newly minted power in World Cup football.

The madness started with some overly vigorous - abeit unpenalized - tackling by the Cuation backfield, with NMS soon responding in kind. As the violence spread (in a manner most unbefitting Lent), the referees, realizing they were about to completely lose control of the match, resolved to penalize the first bit of ungentlemanly conduct they witnessed - which was a tackle by Jesse Miller in the box. The yellow card came out, and Miller found himself headed to the bench in favor of Phillip Yates, back from a hamstring injury suffered against Druida on matchday 8. Meanwhile Cuation converted their penalty shot without any trouble, putting them up 1-0 in front of a raucous home crowd that was drinking up the carnage and roaring for more.

Yates, underacheiving before his injury forced him to sit out two matches, came back showing signs of the dash and finesse that put him on the team in the first place. Absorbing a nasty slam from a pair of Cuation backs, the junior picked up his first goal of the campaign at 41 minutes, bringing the match to a 1-all draw as the half came to a close.

Neither team calmed down much over the break, coming out resolved to draw blood. A nasty cut dealt to forward Hubert Labranche brought a penalty, and a protest from Cuation's manager Jade, who thought the incident was nothing more than an accident. The referee disagreed, and Gilles Villeneuve took the penalty for the Paladins, while Labranche went to the sidelines for medical attention. Hugh Faulkner came off the bench for Labranche, who needed five stitches to close the wound, but should be ready to start against An Archy at the Paladin Dome.

Faulkner, in his first match on the international stage, played like a seasoned veteran, creating several opportunities for Villeneuve and the midfield, but finally getting one of his own through to put the Paladins up 3-1 with 20 minutes left.

Holding a two-goal lead for twenty minutes might not seem the most difficult of tasks, but against a spirited Cuation team, determined not to disappoint the home crowd and to secure themselves a guaranteed ticket to the Cup, it seemed well-nigh impossible. Branstone, unable to make any substitutions, had to hope that Faulkner's questionable defense and Yates' questionable hamstring didn't hinder the quasi-karelan setup the Paladins had deployed (a 4-6-0) to protect their lead.

Chasson performed brilliantly in the net, picking up five saves, but with the Paladins tripping over themselves, unused to the two extra men in the back, Cuation's Timothy Ashton struck, bringing Cuation to within one goal and the home crowd to their feet. Both sides then played thirteen minutes of the most brilliant football seen in Cuation, ending with back Yannic Laurier drawing a yellow card for tackling Peter Tanner in the box. With Tanner on the line for the second time that night, staring down Chasson, Cuation seemed ready to salvage a point. Tanner shot, Chasson lunged, and tipped the ball up and over the crossbar to save two points for NMS. Both sides, emotionally and physically drained, just booted the ball around the midfield for the final ten seconds before shaking hands and straggling back to their lockers.

PALADINS 3 - Yates 41, Villeneuve (penalty) 52, Faulkner 70
CUATION 2 - Tanner (penalty) 14, Ashton 77

TOURNAMENT SCORING

Villeneuve 8
Labranche 3
Pilon 2
Tessier 2
Toussaint 2
Chan 1
Faulkner 1
Gordon 1
Miller 1
Yates 1

Ariddia

18-03-2006, 00:35

Ariddia out of breath?

After a fully expected nil-three home thrashing by Audioslavia, Ariddia is still trying to look on the bright side, despite time running out on their hopes of qualifying. The crowd treated the Audioslavian side to a friendly welcome, and did not seem too disappointed as the home team failed to score a single goal.

“Winning against Audioslavia isn’t the most important,” Adam Seul explained. “What really matters is winning against the teams who are actually in competition with us for that third spot. We’ve shown we can do that. The team beat Berner Street five-nil, and Berner Street aren’t a bad team themselves. We’ve got what it takes to qualify, and I know we can still make it happen in this Cup.”

Meanwhile, fellow Uhuhlanders San Adriano have dropped dramatically from seventh to last place in Group 12, following a series of losses. The small nation is, however, reportedly pleased by its performance. By contrast, the Rouge-et-Noirs will not be content with anything short of qualifying.

“We want that third place,” star striker Hanifah Kyaw said with a smile. “We’re tantalisingly close to it, and we’ve all got our eyes on it. As long as we still have it in our sights, we’ll be doing the best we possibly can to get there.”

Rejistania

18-03-2006, 00:40

From the KaMaRi Update

Karelans concede

The Orange-Blues conceded against Swilatia. That are the bad news. which in the time of the temple would create much problems for the team. In the time of the Karelan theocracy, conceding would have been a capital sin and the team would have had to visit the chambers below the next temple. But as the KaMaRi kalian band Kurudi Ri sings: "Times are a-changin', you can't know where you'll be." The Karelan theocracy was overthrown and the democratic government allows basic human rights also for teams which conceded. This time, the fatefull moment occurred when the Orange-blues were ahead 2:0. Seiru I Hetaki and Sinimene Janjal increased the score. In the 87th minute, the costy misunderstanding in the rejistanian defense happened between Karela Ikaru and Syku Imik. The Swilatan forward @@RANDOMNAME@@ was able to capitalize and make the match appear closer than it really was.

Mr Chuck Norris

18-03-2006, 00:52

Chuck Norris News
For All Of Your Fighting Norris Coverage

Rejoice all fans of the Fighting Norris, for they have emerged victorious from their most recent match against TheSuncoastofFlorida, despite being at their stadium. We here at CNN were worried that the Fighting Norris might repeat thier nil-nil draw they pulled out earlier in World Cup 27. However, the Fighting Norris... here's the summary:

Mr Chuck Norris 2 (Chuck Norris 53, 61)
TheSuncoastofFlorida 0

The Fighting Norris entered the stadium of TheSuncoastofFlorida ready to fight out a tough match. They were certainly bitter from their earlier encounter with TheSuncoastofFlorida at home, when they were embarassed by a 0-0 draw.

However, it was apparent that this match would not be the same as the last. The Fighting Norris started pounding away at an extremely weak TheSuncoastofFlorida defense, who begged for mercy with every drive. Despite the fact that the defense as a whole was terrible, TheSuncoastofFlorida's goalkeeper is a force to be reckoned with only allowing 15 goals over 11 matches, which is currently third best in group 7. He was the only support keeping TheSuncoastofFlorida from tumbling over for the entire first half. Although they failed to score, the Fighting Norris had an amazing 40 minutes of possesion at the close of the 45 minute half. TheSuncoastofFlorida never even initaited a drive, firing only one shot on goal the enntire half and it certainly wasn't a tough one for Fighting Norris goalkeeper Mr. Bednarik to stop.

As the second half opened, TheSuncoastofFlorida's goalkeeper was nearly one more hit away from a serious injury. Bloodied from so many blocked shots in the first half, including one that fractured his nose, which was now overly bandaged, he would not hold out much longer. The Fighting Norris offesnse didn't let up as they continued to massacre TheSuncoastofFlorida's defense. Finally, the Fighting Norris would beat TheSuncoastofFlorida's goalkeeper. Here is the footage from this portion of the game:

(Fighting Norris midfielder Zach Brickhouse leads yet another charge into TheSuncoastofFlorida territory). "Zach Brickhouse... charging down the field... again. OH! He displays his uncanny agility as he fakes out an unfortunate TheSuncoastofFlorida defender, who appeared to roll his ankle, but has returned to his feet and is limping back into play. Brickhouse dumps the ball off on Chuck Norris. I think I can guess what's going to happen here".
(Chuck Norris roundhouse kicks the ball, which deflects off TheSuncoastofFlorida's goalkeeper and into the goal) "YES! It's a score in the 53rd minute! The Fighting Norris take the lead... finally. I was beginning to fear another 0-0 draw".

Celebration ensued, but the Fighting Norris weren't done yet. Not long after play resumed, Chuck Norris found himself posed for another shot on goal. He blasted the ball right into a currently hospitalized TheSuncoastofFlorida goalkeeper's face, knocking him cold, but ending up in the net. TheSuncoastofFlorida's goalkeeper was shipped out, his condition is still unknown, Chuck Norris was given a yellow card, and the Fighting Norris sealed the game with a 2-0 lead.

The rest of the game was a literal game of keepaway from TheSuncoastofFlorida's team, who never got the chance to lead a good attack. Time expired with the score 2-0 in the Fighting Norris' favor.

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"Did I not tell you in CNN's last telecast exactly what has happened in the past 24 hours", exclaims a boastful Bob Janney, coach of the Fighting Norris. "Did I not reassure all of you viewers out there that we'd be in third as of today. Wow... things are going great for our team. As I have stated many a time, Liverpool England and Turori have sealed up our groups number one and two spots, thus granting them qualification. However, the third qualification spot, that will send whichever team occupying it at the end of the qualifying rounds to a qualification playoff, is still up for grabs and the whole of group 7 is fighting for it. We currently hold it with 15 points, but Yafor 2 also has 15 points and is only losing due to their goal difference bring three worse than ours. Rolatia closely follows Yafor 2 and ourselves with 14 points and The Lowlans Clans are still in it with 13 points. TheSuncoastofFlorida are still in the race with 12 points, only three points behind ourselves, occupying seventh place in our group. Allied Anime Worlds has been coming on strong wiht 8 points total after two consecutive wins, which we congratulate them for. The Belmore Family are pulling up the rear with 3 points and are essentially out of the race. Now... there is a problem. We're at Liverpool England next weeks, so not only will we remain at 15 points, but we will have an awful goal difference. Allied Anime Worlds are at Turori, which has next to no effect on us. Rolatia is at The Lowland Clans, which could be both good or bad. If Rolatia wins, they will have 17 points and will have 2 points up on us. If The Lowland Clans win, they will have 16 points and will be one up on us. If the two teams draw, then Rolatia will be at 15 points and The Lowland Clans at 14, which will keep us ahead of both of them due to Rolatia's awful goal difference. So Rolatia in The Lowland Clans... WE REALLY NEED YOU TO DRAW! To make things worse, The Belmore Family is at TheSuncoastofFlorida next week, meaning a should be 3 points for TheSuncoastofFlorida, tying them with us. In short, we could be anywhere from a fourth place to a seventh place after our next match, but I'm thinking we will be about a fifth place. For those who want to see us get demolished, stray no further than our match next week at second ranked Liverpool England. I'm thinking we'll probably lose by four or five. On that sour note... stop watching this channel".

Schedule of The Fighting Norris for World Cup 27
Matchday 1: At Yafor 2 (Loss 1-2)
Matchday 2: Vs. Allied Anime Worlds (Win 4-2)
Matchday 3: Vs. TheSuncoastofFlorida (Draw 0-0)
Matchday 4: Vs. Liverpool England (Loss 2-5)
Matchday 5: At The Lowland Clans (Draw 1-1)
Matchday 6: Vs. Rolatia (Win 2-0)
Matchday 7: On Bye
Matchday 8: At The Belmore Family (Win 4-1)
Matchday 9: At Turori (Loss 1-4)
Matchday 10: Vs. Yafor 2 (Draw 2-2)
Matchday 11: At Allied Anime Worlds (Loss 2-4)
Matchday 12: At TheSuncoastofFlorida (Win 2-0)
Matchday 13: At Liverpool England
Matchday 14: Vs. The Lowland Clans
Matchday 15: At Rolatia
Matchday 16: On Bye
Matchday 17: Vs. The Belmore Family
Matchday 18: Vs. Turori

Fighting Norris Record: (4-3-4)

The Kazoo Peoples

18-03-2006, 02:47

It was matchday 12.

"Get the hell to the stadium," grumbed a seemingly annoyed voice, "and bring your team with you." The voice hung up the phone, leaving a dial tone in its wake.

"Wha...?" said Head Coach Manni Aka, safely asleep in his bed. He looked at his alarm clock. It read 2:00. He began to call his players, some asleep, some not. All made the trek to Kazoo Kola Stadium and Coach Manni Aka got there first.

"Oh, thank God," he said. "I thought it was the mafia, but it was only you guys!" He nervously chuckled. This didn't improve the expression of the Head Coach and the players of The Lowland Clans. "Um, I forgot?" ventured Aka.

"Just get dressed and in the stadium," replied the seemingly tired Coach.

It turns out that the Kazoos DID have a game against The Lowland Clans as a friendly after all (and at home!). And, by the looks of things, this didn't seem friendly anymore, as The Lowland Clans players looked thoroughly pissed.

The Lowland Clans side had been waiting since 7 o'clock that evening. The stadium was filled to capacity, but people filed out gradually as the time crawled further away from scheduled kickoff time. By the time the match finally started at 2:30 AM, a manual count of the stadium revealed that there were only 84 fans left in the stands. 4 were The Lowland Clans fans, and the other 80 were Kazoo fans. Oddly enough, it appeared that no fan had changed their seat, despite the availability of many premium seats.

Now, you probably wonder why the match wasn't cancelled. We asked an official for more details.

"Two reasons," he explained, "One, it was at the Kazoos turf. Second of all, The Lowland Clans came all the way from ... well, The Lowland Clans. We didn't want to send them packing."

Once the match started, you could barely hear the cheers of a definitely drunk Donald McRonald, The Kazoo Peoples' local crazy person.

"LET'S GO KA-ZOOS! LET'S GO KA-ZOOS!" he yelled, at the traditional beat of stadium chants. But instead of pausing for clapping in the same beat, he decided instead to hum a kazoo instead, to the approximate tone of the beat.

"SHUT UP!" exclaimed one frusterated Lowland Clans fan.

Donald McRonald continued to chant for the remainder of the match.

Oh, so you want details about the match?

Well, let's just put it this way: those who slept were good, those who didn't, didn't. It became apparent who did and who didn't.

It appeared that Jonny Lampshade slept, whilst the Lowland Clans goalkeeper didn't. Lampshade notched three goals on the unsuspecting keeper, who oftentimes was caught sleeping.

Chadd Johnson had a bad game, missing all 7 of his shots he took. He apparently didn't sleep. However, his brother apparently did, as the goalkeeper Jim Johnson stopped all four shots that were on target.

Lampshade scored at minutes 24, 56, and 81 to complete the second hat trick for the Kazoos in history.

Basically, the rest of the match was literally a yawn (pun intended, as it was 4 AM by the time the match finished). Kazoos win 3-0.
---
Kazoos lose on Matchday 11

Yeah, we'd rather not talk about this one. The scoreline says enough: 5-1 in favor of Total n Utter Insanity.

The only goal was completed by Chadd Johnson.

"I'm going home," said Aka after the match.
---
Pos Team P W D L GF GA GD Pts
1 Nanakaland 11 9 0 2 20 14 6 27
2 Total n Utter Insanity 10 8 0 2 29 8 21 24
3 Bettia 10 7 2 1 31 15 16 23
4 The Weegies 11 4 3 4 16 17 -1 15
5 The Kazoo Peoples 10 4 1 5 19 20 -1 13
6 Tynelia 11 3 4 4 11 12 -1 13
7 Risa-Aramour 11 3 3 5 11 21 -10 12
8 Algal states 11 3 0 8 13 28 -15 9
9 The New Chakovnia 11 0 1 10 13 28 -15 1

Basically, the Kazoos have more of a chance to find gold in the men's urinal than to actually qualify. I think a one-way ticked to the Cup of Harmony is in store. We'll find out... very soon.

PROGRESS IN WORLD CUP 27 (5-1-6*):
MD1: loss to Algal states 3-1, home
MD2: loss to Total n Utter Insanity 2-0, home
MD3: loss to Milchama (friendly) 4-2, home
MD4: win over The Weegies 2-1, away
MD5: win over Risa-Aramour 2-0, home
MD6: win over The New Chakovnia 2-0, away
MD7: loss to Bettia 4-3, away
MD8: loss to Nanakaland 3-2, away
MD9: draw with Tynelia 1-1, home
---
MD10: win over Algal states 5-0, away
MD11: loss Total n Utter Insanity 5-1, away
MD12: win over Lowland Clans 3-0, home (friendly)
MD13: The Weegies, home
MD14: Risa-Aramour, away
MD15: The New Chakovnia, home
MD16: Bettia, home
MD17: Nanakaland, home
MD18: Tynelia, away
*Includes friendlies.

The Kazoos face The Weegies next -- these guys are tough... but basically, the Kazoos need to win... for them to have any shot to qualify. We'll see...

Bedistan

18-03-2006, 03:17

Matchday 13 scores (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showthread.php?p=10592778#post10592778) are now available.

Congratulations to Sarzonia, Liverpool England, and Audioslavia, who are the first three nations to secure qualification, and also to Schiavonia, who are now assured a top three finish.

Mr Chuck Norris

18-03-2006, 04:19

Chuck Norris News
For All Of Your Fighting Norris Coverage

THERE'S NO NEED FOR INTRODUCTION!

Mr Chuck Norris 2 (Chuck Norris 25, 75)
Liverpool England 2 (Luis Sunderland 21, 71)

"Holy Crap!" were the only words that Nick Reagan, coach of the Liverpool England Terminators could utter at the conclusion of the match.
"Holy Crap!" were the only words that Bob Janney, coach of the Mr Chuck Norris Fighting Norris could utter at the conclusion of the match.
"Holy Crap!" were the only words that the world uttered at the conclusion of the match.
How the Fighting Norris drew the Terminators is still incomprehendible, but somehow... someway... it happened.

The match opened showing a much different Fighting Norris team than the Terminators had seen earlier in the tournament. Right from the start, the Fighting Norris were the first to go on the offense. The ball jolted quickly around the field, never remaining in any one players possesion for too long. The ball was here... then there... the at Chuck Norris' feet... then in Adam Carrero's, goalkeeper of the Terminators, gloved hands.

The ball went up the field, back down, up again, with a persisting amount of energy eminating from every single player on the field. Liverpool England were the first to score. The ball went from person to person to Luis Sunderland to the net in a matter of fifteen seconds. It was only the 21st minute and already Liverpool England was ahead.

The Fighting Norris made sure that the lead wouldn't last too long though as it wasn't too long before they were exploring the defense of Liverpool England, exploiting its few weaknesses. It all happened so fast, Chuck Norris... GOAL! in minute 25, only four minutes after the Terminator's goal.

The half expired with a 1-1 draw and one of the fiercest matches brewing in all of the World Cup 27. All of the players from both teams, whether out on the field or not had their adrenaline flowing as they entered a physical state near superhuman.

The second half started much of the same way, with the ball whizzing up and down the field volleying between the rookie Fighting Norris and masterful Liverpool England. Luis Sunderland of Liverpool England would demonstrate his experience and skill by dismantling the Fighting Norris defense and blazing the ball past goalkeeper of the Fighting Norris Mr. Bednarik to put Liverpool England up 2-1.

However, just as Chuck Norris did in the first half he would do in the second. Doing his best to outrun the dominant Terminator defense, which had only ceded 8 goals in 10 games prior to this performance, Chuck Norris found himself open for a shot. He knew that this roundhouse kick would have to transcend the logical limits of space and time in order for the ball laying before hom to end up in the net behind Liverpool England's goalkeeper, Adam Carrero. We here at CNN are still not sure exactly what happened, but he did something pretty close to what we outlined in the previous sentence. However, we do know that the score was now 2-2, which is surprisingly what the score was as of the expiration of time. The Fighting Norris had gone to Liverpool England and struck a draw against their dominant team.

----------------------------------------------------------------------------

"I can't hardly speak right now", admits a choked-up Bob Janney, "so I'm going to have my associate and cousin, Rick Janney, do the analysis of our group positioning for us".

"That was probably the most amazing match I've ever seen, but my job here is not to gloat. We (Bob, the team, and myself) sincerely congratulate Liverpool England on their clinching of one of the qualification spots. Considering how Turori is currently sitting in the second qualification spot and up by eleven points over their nearest competition, we're going to assume that they've sealed the second spot. This leaves only the third qualification spot also known as the "Playoff Qualification Spot", which is what five other teams in the Fighting Norris' group are fighting for. The spot is currently held by Rolatia with 17 points, but closely followed by the Fighting Norris with 16. TheSuncoastofFlorida and Yafor 2 are nipping at our heals with 15 points. The Lowland Clans appear to be the last team still in the fight with 13 points. Onto more important business, we've got an interesting matchday ahead of us. Liverpool England's at The Belmore Family, which literally means nothing to the Fighting Norris. Turori is at TheSuncoastofFlorida, which is great for us because TheSuncoastofFlorida will still only have 15 points. Yafor 2 is at Allied Anime Worlds, which poses an interesting scenario. We're rooting whole-heartedly for Allied Anime Worlds, and we think they can pull it off. In the event that Yafor 2 wins, they will have 18 points, while a draw will land them with only 16 points. A loss will keep them at 15 points, which is exactly where we want them. The last game is The Lowland Clans at Mr Chuck Norris, requiring us to shine. The way we see it, we're at home, we struck a draw with them at their stadium, somehow we should be able to at least chalk a draw here if not a win. A Draw lands us with 17 points and in either third or fourth place, but a win elevates us to 19 points, putting us in an undisputed third place. Although the matchday is rather complex, it's going to work out as long as we can pull out a decent score in our match. That's it for CNN".

Schedule of The Fighting Norris for World Cup 27
Matchday 1: At Yafor 2 (Loss 1-2)
Matchday 2: Vs. Allied Anime Worlds (Win 4-2)
Matchday 3: Vs. TheSuncoastofFlorida (Draw 0-0)
Matchday 4: Vs. Liverpool England (Loss 2-5)
Matchday 5: At The Lowland Clans (Draw 1-1)
Matchday 6: Vs. Rolatia (Win 2-0)
Matchday 7: On Bye
Matchday 8: At The Belmore Family (Win 4-1)
Matchday 9: At Turori (Loss 1-4)
Matchday 10: Vs. Yafor 2 (Draw 2-2)
Matchday 11: At Allied Anime Worlds (Loss 2-4)
Matchday 12: At TheSuncoastofFlorida (Win 2-0)
Matchday 13: At Liverpool England (Draw 2-2)
Matchday 14: Vs. The Lowland Clans
Matchday 15: At Rolatia
Matchday 16: On Bye
Matchday 17: Vs. The Belmore Family
Matchday 18: Vs. Turori

Fighting Norris Record: (4-4-4)

Haraki

18-03-2006, 04:44

The Hawks took the field worried. Their last game against Oliverry had been an embarassing 3-0 defeat at home, and had sparked their four-game losing streak that had pulled them back so far in the tournament. So, here in Oliverry, they were worried about their results. Oliverry were ranked nineteenth in the world, whereas Haraki were 117th. The one high point of the pre-game hype was when Haraki's keeper Mark Stone announced to the team "I don't know about you, but I plan on winning. I'm not letting any easy goals past me tonight."

The Hawks took the field to a screaming crowd. Screaming for Oliverry, who won the kickoff and started with it, taking it down the field. After they retained posession for the first five minutes, ending with forward Yves Daigle making a shot that Stone barely caught, Hawks coach Lloyd Vargas made a snap decision. Lawrence Foster came off and Julie Vern went on. Her ball handling skills were needed in the game. Stone made a pass out to her and she took off down the field, dribbling around multiple Oliverrian forward.

Haraki and Oliverry played a tight first half, with the first thirty minutes going back and forth, back and forth. A good effort for an Oliverrian goal was stopped by Haraki's star defenceman, Jonah Menike, who passed up again. But Haraki really took off with an offensive attack fifteen minutes before halftime, with Thomas Neils bringing the ball up past half to an eager offensive line in front of him. Zendar ahead of him, Sharp on a diagonal, and Ribald diagonally behind him, it was a perfect attacking setup for the Hawks. He passed up to Zendar, who made a pass over to Sharp. Sharp saw his chances and took his shot, and Haraki managed to get a goal past Oliverrian keeper Jean-Alan Bellemort, bringing them up 1-0, a goal they desperately needed.

The rest of the first half seemed to favour the Harakians, but not by much. They had posession for nine minutes, compared to seven. The first half was mostly even, with comparable numbers for posession and shots on goal. But the half ended with Haraki up by a goal, something they hadn't expected. Vargas had words of congratulations, but also told them to press the attack and not give the Oliverrians any room to manoeuvre.

They took the field with a Harakian kickoff and an immediate offensive run. Vern got the ball and spent two minutes making her way upfield, ending with a pass sideways to Sharp, who saw a chance for another goal slip by as he hesitated a second. His shot was caught and thrown back out. But Haraki didn't let up the offence. They continued on for the next few minutes, finally ending with Vern stealing the ball from Oliverrian midfield Phillipe Regnier and instantly passing to Zendar, who saw his chance and took it. Eight minutes into the second half, the Harakians were up 2-0.

Oliverry went on the offensive more than ever before at that point, but Haraki's defence held firm. With the defensive midfields falling back to help out the defenders and the forwards playing midfield duty, the Hawks cemented their defence. Although the next fifteen minutes were nothing but the Oliverrians pounding the Hawks' defence, they held firm, finally ending with Jonah Menike sliding in front of a shot by Richard Bourget and passing the ball over to Sandy Thorpe, who gave it a long kick out, and play resumed its back and forth attitude from then on.

The clock ticked down over time, with neither team managing any further clear advantage, and finally hit the ninety minute mark, and the end of the game, with a Harakian victory 2-0. Mark Stone had managed a shutout against the 19th ranked team in the world, and Haraki's two forwards had brought victory to their team.

Haraki 2 - Oliverry 0

Sharp (30)
Zendar (53)

The Archregimancy

18-03-2006, 05:00

THE ARCHREGIMANCY BRINGS YOU

WORLD CUP TONIGHT

With Fr. Nicholas the Scribe and Fr. John the Golden-Throated.

"So... Fr. John.... Swilatia.... Athiests...."

"That's right, Fr. Nicholas - an entire nation where unbelief is the national religion! You can bet they had a rowdy welcome to the Dreamed Stadium last night - or at least they would have done if the entire nation wasn't devoting itself to fasting and prayer this Lenten season. But the five home fans who did attend the match - and who are going to have some explaining to do when the head of their monastery finds out - treated the visitors to a rousing performance of The Hymn of the Resurrection from Rachmaninov's setting of Vespers. Bit avant-garde for my tastes, that Rachmaninov - prefer the traditional settings myself - but it's still enough to send shivers up anyone's spine... Or at least it is when it isn't sung by only five people in a cavernous 80,000 seat stadium, but sometimes it's the thought that counts."

"But what about the match itself, Fr. John?"

"Ah, well... I think it's fair to say that the lads - who all took the field in person last night - gave us a living icon of the beautiful game, a footballing prayer of praise to the Lord. Swilatia hardly knew what hit 'em.

Fr. Pavel the Wanderer scored first in the 15th minute - a rare goal for the mazy right-winger - as he overlapped with Fr. David and sent his shot past the despairing atheistic goalkeeper. And well might he despair given what awaits his unbelieving immortal soul.

35 minutes in, and Fr. Silouan was brought down on the edge of the area. The referee awarded a penalty, but - for the second time in recent memory - the lads could not abide to see even atheists punished by a poor decision, and their immaculate honesty saw the ref change his mind and award a direct free kick. Which Fr. Constantine duly dispatched with one of his trademark curling screamers.

Half-time, 2-0, and Swilatia had managed only two off-target shots on goal.

12 minutes into the second half, and game over. A trademark Archregimancy corner saw Fr. Michael the Lesser curl it in, Fr. Michael the Greater tower over the helpless Swilatian defence, and while the goalkeeper did well to parry it, Fr. Dmitri the Humble was able to scramble the loose ball home. Rarely have I seen Fr. Dmitri so excited, though he managed to maintain his vow of silence while celebrating his goal in silent prayer.

By this point, Fr. Justinian in goal was touching up his icons in boredom - I believe that he's just about finished one of St. Brynach the Hermit; an obscure 5th or 7th-century Welsh saint, I understand.

In the 75th minute, Fr. Silouan finally scored the goal his play on the day so richly reserved, when this right-footed volley from a Fr. Andrew the Twice-Found cross found the top right corner.

The atheists did manage to get a consolation goal in the 86th minute from a long-range shot that found Fr. Justinian not so much napping as mixing up a new batch of tempura, but what can you do? 4-1, praise the Lord, and all five home fans went back to their cells happy."

"Magnificent stuff, Fr. John - and should I do a group wrap-up?"

"I think you should, Fr. Nicholas, because if there's one thing that makes us happier than defeating atheists, it's watching heretics embarrass themselves...."

"Right then... Rejistania 2-1 New Preussen - and few will have expected any other result from that match. In a increasingly meaningless bottom of the table match-up, the final result was Popolus 2-2 The Footie Dream Team. But the big one, the one we'll all be giving thanks to God - and maybe the Bazalopes - for is...

Praying2God 1-3 Bazalonia

Fr. John?"

"Well, Fr. Nicholas, as a monk who has devoted his life to Christ, it would be uncharitable in the extreme for me to take pleasure in PrayingFalsely2God's discomfort. But as a mortal man - and therefore a sinner - please allow me a passing fit of hysterical laughter before I immediately go and confess the sin of having done so: HA HA HA HA"

"Thank you, Fr. John - and as my colleague goes and finds his spiritual father in order to confess the sin of having taken pleasure in another's misfortune, let's close tonight's show by looking at the group 6 table:"

Pos Team P W D L GF GA GD Pts
1 The Archregimancy 11 8 2 1 27 13 14 26
2 Rejistania 11 8 1 2 21 7 14 25
3 Praying2God 11 6 2 3 26 14 12 20
4 Rordia 11 6 2 3 19 14 5 20
5 Swilatia 12 4 3 5 18 23 -5 15
6 Bazalonia 12 3 3 6 19 17 2 12
7 Popolus 12 2 4 6 13 25 -12 10
8 New Preussen 12 3 1 8 10 26 -16 10
9 The Footie Dream Team 12 1 4 7 11 25 -14 7

Sarzonia

18-03-2006, 05:03

When the doors to the press room in the bowels of Bryan Marshall Stadium opened, Coach Dave Wilson was nowhere to be found. Instead of the veteran field boss walking through the doors to address the media, young Brett Hancock strolled up to the microphone.

Wilson was busy talking to members of the Vuam and Isma football association trying to nail down the final details of a plan that would send several Sarzonian youth players to play in their national league while several of their players were looking to sign with teams like the Nicksia Knights and the Rochester Raiders.

"Dave's busy taking care of some administrative matters," Hancock said. "I'll take questions from the media."

Hancock peered out at the assembled cameras for the first time since the awkward leave taking by Barry Owens forced on him by the former administration of the Incorporated Football Federation. This time, however, he wasn't answering questions as the acting head coach, although he was performing the duties of a head coach.

"What was your assessment of the team's midfield play?"

"We were able to control pretty much all aspects of the match," Hancock said. "Getting Kenny Cooper back on track was our main objective and seeing him score three goals was vital for us."

"Now that you've qualified, do you guys take your foot off the accelerator?"

Hancock gave that reporter a strange look, as if he asked Hancock if he cheated on his wife.

"You know better than that," Hancock said. "We've still got the Krytenia match to play and we're talking to the lads every day about maintaining our focus. Our goal is always going to be to win the World Cup. Anything less than that isn't good enough. Even 22-0 isn't good enough."

Wilson walked into the room as Hancock finished that sentence. As soon as it left the assistant coach's mouth, he cracked a wide smile.

"You learn well," Wilson said after the conference was over. "Very well."

Giant Zucchini

18-03-2006, 05:46

Yet Another Own Goal!
Episode 6: The Chekhov Show

Well…guess what…Mr. Green Couch Man is on his couch! Really.

“…and that’s a good pass into the area looking to be picked up by…oh that’s another good interception from Chekhov, his involvement in this match is really making the Zucchinis a much better team than they have been the past few matches…and that’s the final whistle! The Zucchinis have broken their 6 match winless streak with a gritty defensive performance, Chekhov undeniably the Man of the Match, clearing up excellently defensively as well as scoring the goal that will give the Zucchinis their much needed 3 points, and hopefully a spur for the rest of qualifying…”

To be continued…

Giant Zucchini’s Department of Number Crunching and Data Spewing presents:

Match stats:

Giant Zucchini – 1
Chekhov (42)

Green wombat - 0

Giant Zucchini stats:

Top Goalscorers:
Armand Boyer – 3
Johann Rilke – 3
Dino Nuvolari – 3
Vicente de Silva – 2
Gottlieb Poulsen – 1
Pablo Pérez – 1
Mikhail Glinka – 1
Absamat Chekhov - 1

Yellow Cards:

Red Cards:

Dorian and Sonya

18-03-2006, 06:23

Unicorns Still Alive!!! Slim Hope Remains.

GROUP THREE
Eauz 2-0 Qazox
Vilita 2-1 Hiiraan
Milchama 1-1 Tanah Burung
Dorian and Sonya 2-1 Valertinette

Pos Team P W D L GF GA GD Pts
1 Eauz 11 9 1 1 35 5 30 28
2 Vilita 11 9 1 1 32 10 22 28
3 Tanah Burung 12 5 1 6 17 19 -2 16
4 Qazox 12 5 1 6 12 14 -2 16
5 Milchama 11 4 3 4 17 21 -4 15
6 Hiiraan 12 3 4 5 9 13 -4 13
7 Elrich 11 4 1 6 14 21 -7 13
8 Dorian and Sonya 12 3 2 7 11 25 -14 11
9 Valertinette 12 2 2 8 8 27 -19 8

The Mystical Unicorns remained at home to face the cellar dweller of Group 3, Valertinette. Any hope of keeping their qualifying hopes alive hinged on the performance in this very, very important match. Showing some of the form that flashed early in the qualifiers, the Unicorns rose to the challenge and sent the visiting squad home licking their wounds after a 2-1 defeat.

Queen Sonya sat for a long moment in her luxury box even after the rest of the stadium had emptied. She pondered what was to come. Some slim hope remained that the Unicorns could climb back into the race for the coveted 3rd spot in the group. But she also knew that would probably not happen. But she could dream about it for now.

The match against Valertinette had been well played. Altáriël Telperiën and Elemmírë Carnesîr had both done their jobs and scored for their squad - something that had been missing in recent matches. And new keeper Alassea Culnámo had performed brilliantly again. Only a late goal from Valertinette ended her quest for a first shut out.

Now the road gets tougher again for the young squad from D&S. Next Vilita come calling on the third day of a 3 match homestand. And believe me, they will be looking to avenge their only loss thus far. It is almost too much to hope we can earn the sweep from these guys. But what a thing to hang our hats on if it does happen.

After that the Unicorns will face Elrich, the ghosts of Hiiraan, and the other powerhouse of Group 3, Eauz. Perhaps it is time to begin making our case for a Cup of Harmony berth. Either that or a lot of time spent in prayer is now being called for. Perhaps Praying 2 God or the Archregimancy can put in a good word with the Big Guy for us. Please.

Qazox

18-03-2006, 06:32

QAZOX CITY HERALD

Qazox lost 2-0 to group leader Eauz, but still held onto 3rd place with Milchama and Tanah Burung drawing today. Both Eauz goals were scored by thier All-World Forward XXXXXX(name blurred due to legal reasons), one in the 40th minute and the clincher at minute 76. Qazox remians in a tie for 3rd place, but as of right now, wouldn't advance due to fewer goals and a H-2-H loss to Tanah Burung.

The next two matches for Qazox as very important as they are both against the two teams most closely fighting with the Black Oxen for the playoff berth.
With Qazox being home for 3 of the last 4 matches and 2 of them at home against teams we've beaten on the road, the match at Tanah Burung could decide which team gets to advance to the playoff.

Tommorrow's game vs. Milchama will kickoff at 8:00 pm and the home team should be extra intense for the match will be played in our National capital of Qazox City.

Qazox's Qualifing Schedule

Match Day One--@ Elrich LOST 0-3
Match Day Two--Vs. Hiiraan LOST 0-1 at Fromburg Field, Fromburg: Attendence: 17,000
Match Day Three--Vs. Dorian and Sonya WON 2-0 at Estadia Pika, Pika City: Attendence: 77,988.
Match Day Four--Vs. Eauz LOST 0-1 at SaxerDome, Saxervilla: Attendence: 85,000.
Match Day Five-- @ Milchama WON 4-2
Match Day Six--Vs. Tanah Burung LOST 0-1 at SaxerDome, Saxervilla: Attendance: 42,000.
Match Day Seven--Exhibition vs. Graverville(QFL Champion) WON 5-0 at Qazian Memorial Stadium, Qazox City: Attendence: 79,250.
Match Day Eight--@ Valertinette WON 2-1
Match Day Nine--@ Vilita Draw 2-2
Match Day Ten--Vs. Elrich WON 1-0 at Rockport Field at Harborside, Rockport: Attendance: 71,200.
Match Day Eleven--@ Hiiraan LOST 0-1
Match Day Twelve--@ Dorian and Sonya WON 1-0
Match Day Thirteen--@ Eauz LOST 0-2
Match Day Fourteen--Vs. Milchama at Qazian Memorial Stadium, Qazox City: Capacity: 79,250.
Match Day Fifeeen--@ Tanah Burung
Match Day Sixteen--BYE
Match Day Seventeen--Vs. Valertinette at Fromburg Field, Fromburg: Capacity:78,963.
Match Day Eighteen-- Vs. Vilita at Qazian Memorial Stadium, Qazox City: Capacity: 79,250.

Match day 13 Scores and Standings: (Note teams underlined cannot qualify directly, only through playoff)

GROUP THREE
Eauz 2-0 Qazox
Vilita 2-1 Hiiraan
Milchama 1-1 Tanah Burung
Dorian and Sonya 2-1 Valertinette

Pos Team P W D L GF GA GD Pts
1 Eauz 11 9 1 1 35 5 30 28
2 Vilita 11 9 1 1 32 10 22 28
3 Tanah Burung 12 5 1 6 17 19 -2 16
4 Qazox 12 5 1 6 12 14 -2 16
5 Milchama 11 4 3 4 17 21 -4 15
6 Hiiraan 12 3 4 5 9 13 -4 13
7 Elrich 11 4 1 6 14 21 -7 13
8 Dorian and Sonya 12 3 2 7 11 25 -14 11
9 Valertinette 12 2 2 8 8 27 -19 8

Green wombat

18-03-2006, 06:54

The Hexagon Rebel
We want the Military Dicatorship of Green Wombat to end at last

Green Wombat got crushed yeterday 6-0 by Tadjikistan. Since the 'Offical Governmant' paper the Daily News has been told to no longer print losses by the Fighting Wombats, It is our 4th estate right to give the results to the people, no matter how bad.

Since this just happens to be our 1st paper, let me go on the record saying that by not posting the other scores or standings, is a bunch of cheap Bull$#ite, and YOU the reader have a right to know. so here's the current standings of Group 11 and it's not pretty folks...

Pos Team P W D L GF GA GD Pts
1 Lovisa 11 8 2 1 31 8 23 26
2 Tadjikistan 11 7 3 1 29 7 22 24
3 Andossa Se Mitrin Vega 11 5 1 5 14 21 -7 16
4 Becquerelia 12 3 6 3 10 10 0 15
5 Emporer Pudu 12 3 5 4 11 17 -6 14
6 Georgeonia 12 3 4 5 10 16 -6 13
7 Pastorville 12 4 1 7 7 13 -6 13
8 Giant Zucchini 11 3 2 6 15 17 -2 11
9 Green wombat 12 3 2 7 11 29 -18 11

WE'RE IN LAST PLACE PEOPLE...and the Military dictatorship, who by the way sent 20 members of our armed forces on an all expenses-paid -trip to all of these countries, and who are recieving "Hardship Pay" for being so far away form thier families, well not a single one of them is married or have kids!!.

TADJIKISTAN-6
GREEN WOMBAT-0
Goals by: Tadjikistan
Zyrianov-- 15th, 23rd
Tulberdiev--29th. 44th, 57th
Kirponos--82nd

Thank you for buying the 1st ever edition of the Rebel. Hopefully there is more. FIGHT FOR FREEDOM....NOT INDEPENDENCE.

Green wombat

18-03-2006, 07:01

GREEN WOMBAT DAILY NEWS

Despite the anti-govenmental message below the Daily News does strive to be accurate in all of its editions. The national government is not infalible, but has provided much to the people of Green Wombat over the last 150 years or so. To blantantly say overwise is cause for treason, and as such.. the Daily News will no longer accept any opinion letters from our readers until further notice. What the other paper didn't bother informing was that Green Wombat still has a chance to qualify and is only 5 points out of such, with 3 of the last 4 matches at home, the odds to win are greater and we should qualify.

The Hexagon Rebel
We want the Military Dicatorship of Green Wombat to end at last

Green Wombat got crushed yeterday 6-0 by Tadjikistan. Since the 'Offical Governmant' paper the Daily News has been told to no longer print losses by the Fighting Wombats, It is our 4th estate right to give the results to the people, no matter how bad.

Since this just happens to be our 1st paper, let me go on the record saying that by not posting the other scores or standings, is a bunch of cheap Bull$#ite, and YOU the reader have a right to know. so here's the current standings of Group 11 and it's not pretty folks...

Pos Team P W D L GF GA GD Pts
1 Lovisa 11 8 2 1 31 8 23 26
2 Tadjikistan 11 7 3 1 29 7 22 24
3 Andossa Se Mitrin Vega 11 5 1 5 14 21 -7 16
4 Becquerelia 12 3 6 3 10 10 0 15
5 Emporer Pudu 12 3 5 4 11 17 -6 14
6 Georgeonia 12 3 4 5 10 16 -6 13
7 Pastorville 12 4 1 7 7 13 -6 13
8 Giant Zucchini 11 3 2 6 15 17 -2 11
9 Green wombat 12 3 2 7 11 29 -18 11

WE'RE IN LAST PLACE PEOPLE...and the Military dictatorship, who by the way sent 20 members of our armed forces on an all expenses-paid -trip to all of these countries, and who are recieving "Hardship Pay" for being so far away form thier families, well not a single one of them is married or have kids!!.

TADJIKISTAN-6
GREEN WOMBAT-0
Goals by: Tadjikistan
Zyrianov-- 15th, 23rd
Tulberdiev--29th. 44th, 57th
Kirponos--82nd

Thank you for buying the 1st ever edition of the Rebel. Hopefully there is more. FIGHT FOR FREEDOM....NOT INDEPENDENCE.

Please note that once again, the above is not the position of the Daily News and of its advertisers.

Andossa Se Mitrin Vega

18-03-2006, 08:03

http://i14.photobucket.com/albums/a318/stormgiantxxxl/ASMVFNN.jpg

Sea Dragons Lose Ground On Bye Date

This is Kellan Kildan reporting from our studios here in Errion Vega.

The Sea Dragons had the day off, giving other squads a chance to close the table just a bit on our beloved squad.

Let's take a look at the action from today and the Group 11 table.

Tadjikistan 6-0 Green wombat
Lovisa 1-2 Becquerelia
Giant Zucchini 1-0 Pastorville
Georgeonia 0-1 Emporer Pudu

Pos Team P W D L GF GA GD Pts
1 Lovisa 11 8 2 1 31 8 23 26
2 Tadjikistan 11 7 3 1 29 7 22 24
3 Andossa Se Mitrin Vega 11 5 1 5 14 21 -7 16
4 Becquerelia 12 3 6 3 10 10 0 15
5 Emporer Pudu 12 3 5 4 11 17 -6 14
6 Georgeonia 12 3 4 5 10 16 -6 13
7 Pastorville 12 4 1 7 7 13 -6 13
8 Giant Zucchini 11 3 2 6 15 17 -2 11
9 Green wombat 12 3 2 7 11 29 -18 11

Lovisa continues to set the pace in Group 11 despite falling to Bequeleria 2-1. Perhaps the upstarts can share the knowledge of how to hold down the Lovisans with us.

Tadjikistan is all but guaranteed to finish 1st or 2nd after a very impressive 6-0 thrashing of the Fighting Wombats, who forgot to put up a fight in this one.

Giant Zucchini actually looked like the side they were supposed to be all along as they edged Pastorville 1-0. I told you these guys would make life miserable for those of us ahead of them.

Emperor Pudu and Georgeonia faced off in a match between "How the hell are these guys still in the mix" squads. With Pudu escaping the Squids 1-0.

Now the scene is set for a furious battle to see who can earn that coveted 3rd position in the group. ASMV currently holds that spot, but has dropped the last three matches. Bequeleria is up next. And they have now pulled within a point of the Sea Dragons. If we let the "Curse" continue and lose to these overachievers, they will take away that spot and we will be looking up the table at them. We cant afford to let that happen.

Emperor Pudu has silently slipped into the 5th position, just 2 points back of the Sea Dragons while Georgeonia and Pastorville are only 3 points back. Giant Zucchini and Green Wombat are still alive and kicking just 5 points from that coveted 3rd spot.

What does all this mean? Sit back and watch the Sea Dragons try in vain to hold on and have a shot at qualifying once again. Or at least that is what the "Curse" says. Hopefully our squad can find a way to return to their earlier form and make a good run for a chance at moving on. Just dont hold your breath while you wait.

Tynelia

18-03-2006, 11:42

“Welcome everyone to Tynelian Soccer Weekly where today Tynelia found its hopes of qualifying for the World Cup dashed at long last. Running up against a very upset Bettia team that had just been upset the game before, at Bettia, Tynelia was shutout once again and loss in a convincing 3-0 score. As always this is Sal Spikeman along with Anna Dalespin bringing to you all the ugly details.”

“Yes Sal today’s game wasn’t pretty and Coach Marcus O’Meara’s plans to rest his big guns and send them directly to Bettia didn’t pay off. In a way I think the first game Tynelia played against Bettia served as a wakeup of sorts for this game. Having held the high powered Bettia offense to only two goals the first time around, Bettia knew it couldn’t just look past Tynelia again even if Bettia was at home. Add that to Bettia’s losing its last game and Bettia came out with their A game today.”

“That’s true and as a result of this match Tynelia has been officially eliminated from the chase. However with the Kazoo Peoples win over the Weegies who will be idle this week, Tynelia is only three points out of fourth and that should be the team’s goal the rest of the way. The Algal Peoples and Risa-Aramour are hanging around as well so Tynelia definitely doesn’t want to drop down to eight if they can help it. However the schedule doesn’t look too helpful right now. Tynelia still has games against Nanakaland and Total n Utter Insanity left though which on paper looks to be two losses. Speaking of the Nanakaland game what do you think of this move by Coach O’Meara that he’ll start Amy Whiteworth in net instead of Vladimar Malloy despite his earlier comments.”

“That was an unusual call but Malloy hasn’t been himself the last couple of games, 2 goals to Risa-Aramour and 3 to Bettia is more than he allowed the entire BoF. He could be worn out maybe having played all but two of the matches so far, even with off days. In addition I guess O’Meara wants to see what Whiteworth can do against a top tier team like Nanakaland as she’s shown the ability to shutdown the offenses of the lower ranked teams. Now O’Meara hasn’t said otherwise but if he keeps the rest of his schedule, Whiteworth would also get the start against the Algal States which makes sense given how she shut them out last time. This would give Malloy three days off in a row which will have him extremely fresh for the Total n Utter Insanity match.”

“You might be right there Anna, but low lets look at the grizzly details of today’s loss. Bettia of course had a clear shot advantage by a 27-13 margin as the Tynelian attackers couldn’t believe such an offensive minded team shut them out twice in a row. Quality shots were a huge 8-2 edge for Bettia as well as they put a great deal of pressure on the harassed Tynelian defense. Needless to say the time of possession was in Bettia’s favor by nearly nine minutes. All in all about what you might expect from playing the number two seed in the group at their own stadium. Now we’ll have to see if Tynelia can bounce back at home when Nanakaland comes to visit.”

“That is probably Tynelia’s best chance. We’re 2-2-2 at home so far compared to 1-2-3 on the road so home field has been a slight edge for Tynelia. With only a tournament finale against the Kazoo Peoples left to play at home, hopefully seeing thousands of Tynelian Towels being waved around will inspire the team to bounce back against a surprisingly strong Nanakaland squad which has only been defeated by the top two seeds.”

“But does Tynelia have a chance?”

“Surprisingly Sal I’m going to say yes. Like Bettia, the first time around Nanakaland defeated Tynelia 2-0. However unlike the Bettia game Nanakaland was at home so the home field edge goes Tynelia’s way this time. Looking at Nanakaland’s offense they are averaging 1.7 goals a game compared to Tynelia’s just less than 1. However Nanakaland has only scored 7 goals in five road games so far and with home field advantage being roughly a half goal this means this could be anyone’s game. If I had to call it I’d say a 1-1 low scoring tie,”

“That would be nice, a win would be even better but I guess we can’t ask for everything. It’ll be interesting to see how Amy holds up against a top tier team though. And to see what conditions this expected low scoring game will be played in let’s go over to Harmonie Harris for the weather.”

“Hi Sal! Hi Anna! Its going to be a lousy day today when Tynelia plays the Nana-nana people. Rain all day long and even into tomorrow. Definitely not a beach day so bring your umbrellas if you’re going to the game. I know I’ll be staying home and watching it on TV. Back to you Sal!”

<sighs> “Thanks Harmonie. So Anna do you think the probably muddy field will help or hinder Tynelia’s chances?”

“IF it does rain and the field gets muddy it usually helps the more defensive minded team which is Tynelia. With footing not as firm this sort of weather makes it tough to plant your feet when making a pass or a taking a shot so the offenses might find it tough going. Plus Tynelia will be at home so they will be much more familiar with the conditions of the field being muddy than the visitors will be this being their first time to Tynelia. This will of course keep the score low so my 1-1 pick looks good though even a 0-0 score could be possible if the field is in real bad shape come gametime.”

“Ok then Anna, that about wraps it up here. With the Cup out of reach the chase for fourth begins officially. Can the home team bounce back against a rested Nanakaland team that has beaten everyone ranked below them so far or will the team stumble into their bye with a two game losing streak that might drop them down to eight. Tune in to find out as once again the game will be covered live and iin its entirety and we’ll be here afterwards for the wrapup. Until then this is Sal Spikeman for Anna Dalespin wishing everyone a good night.”

<credits roll>

Jeruselem

18-03-2006, 13:37

Jeruselem Government News

Athiest ambush, what ambush?

GROUP ONE

Now Atheistic Right mention an ambush? We didn't we see it, and we turned up to play this team. They didn't score a goal, didn't give us trouble and all they did was to allow us to score 4 goals. Did we play the right team or someone forgot about the ambush? Atheistic Right are last because God says so.

New Montreal States keep top spot and removed An Archy from any chance of making the top 2. The Paladins won 2-0 and hold off Jeruselem who are one point behind them. At any stage, the top 2 look like securing their place in World Cup 27 group stage in next few games.

Druida are back? Collonie got trashed by Jeruselem earlier and lost to Druida 1-2 to make life hard for themselves. This on the day Cuation have a bye, so it's really wasted. Can Druida make 3rd? The gap between 2nd and 3rd is 8 points, thats about 3 wins. Colonie should have won really, but Druida have beaten Jeruselem so they are not idiots.

Kirstiriera won a game! Their third but CR Oscilloscopes are still ahead of them.

Jeruselem 4-0 Atheistic Right
New Montreal States 2-0 An Archy
Druida 2-1 Collonie
CR Oscilloscopes 1-2 Kirstiriera

Pos Team P W D L GF GA GD Pts
1 New Montreal States 11 9 0 2 24 11 13 27
2 Jeruselem 11 8 2 1 32 8 24 26
3 Cuation 11 5 3 3 16 13 3 18
4 Collonie 12 5 2 5 19 20 -1 17
5 Druida 11 4 3 4 11 13 -2 15
6 An Archy 12 3 4 5 9 16 -7 13
7 CR Oscilloscopes 12 4 1 7 8 20 -12 13
8 Kirstiriera 12 3 3 6 13 18 -5 12
9 Atheistic Right 12 0 4 8 10 23 -13 4

GROUP NINE

Lions won a game, but stay well 6th. Audioslavia and CH won again so they look like securing top 2 spots from here. When a Chicanada bye, this was a timely win for Nedalia. Kelse did loose to Audioslavia, but no one has draw Audioslavia yet. Berner Street won again, but being 7th it's far too late.

Audioslavia 3-0 Pedriana
Commerce Heights 4-0 Kelse
Nedalia 2-0 Ariddia
Berner Street 1-0 Ocmeoub

GROUP TEN

No change. Top 2 won and Majeristan hold on to 3rd after beating rivals KP 2-0. No real change, Hockey Canada will secure their place in group stage pretty soon.

Hockey Canada 3-0 Imperial Moose
Casari 2-1 McPsychoville
Kaze Progressa 0-2 Majeristan
Crna Gora Liv Eng 1-3 Magnus Valerius

A summary who we think will make the top 3 of their groups
Group 2 - TNUI, Nanakaland, Bettia
Group 3 - Eauz, Vilita and ... don't know
Group 4 - Sarzonia, Krytenia and ... don't know
Group 5 - Three of the leading 4, but we are sure Crystilakere and the Bunnies will make it.
Group 6 - The Archregimancy (The Monks), Rejistania and maybe Praying2God. Rordia maybe too ... if P2G stuff it up.
Group 7 - Liverpool England, Turori and maybe Mr Chuck Norris.
Group 8 - Starblaydia, Oliverry. Spaam or Priggdom but we say Spaam.
Group 11 - Lovisa, Tadjikistan. Andossa Se Mitrin Vega should prevail if they stop losing games.
Group 12 - Schiavonia, Schiavonia. The Islands of Qutar and Kericia are in a contest, but the Islanders are our pick.

Swilatia

18-03-2006, 14:11

http://img48.imageshack.us/img48/2724/sbc22la.gif
Yesterday Swilatia has lst to the monks. Also, we are now three quarters of the way thru qualifications, and it does not look good. Teams are being eliminated, and half of those who were not can now only qualify by means of a playoff. Also, today is a bye day and we will probably fall lower like we did at the last time. -George

How are you always so sure that it will go very bad for Swilatia. We almost won that rejistania match, their second goal was scored after halftime, when we would have scored a goal if it was not for Rejistania's stupid "System Karela", which places waaaay too much importance on defense. - Blaziej

Well, unless some wierd coinceidence happens in a plaoff, were not going to qualify. its over for us. -George

What are you talking about?? were still able to qualify normally. -Blaziej

But how long exactly. can you answer that? -George

Wentland

18-03-2006, 14:12

All over Wentland pubs were showing the qualifying game against East Lithuania. Most people were treating it as a wake, but when the camera panned across the Swifts as the national anthem blared out they noticed a difference.

-They're up for this.
-Look at Gus, he's ready to kill someone.
-Frankie's at home.
-Kick off...wow, straight at them.
-Toothless sharks?
-Corner.
-Ohh, off the bar.
-Dammit, we're all over them.
-Another great save.
-Oh, what a miss from Smith...
-...five yards out and he glances it wide...
-Kent's got their defence bamboozled.
-Great free-kick...GOOAALLL!!! No, side netting.
-Damn.
-Close again...
23 mins
Possession: Wentland 74% East Lithania 26%
Shots on goal Wentland 9 East Lithuania 1
-We just need to makethe breakthrough.
-Ohhh, you DIRTY little get...
-OFF! OFF! OFF!
-Only a yellow for that? Jammy sod.
-Kent with the free...oh, another great save.
-Corner, Cosmo's whipping it in...
-...off the line!
-Is it one of those days?
-Nearly half-time...
-...another foul, quick free...
-Smith!
-TREVES!!!!
-GOAAALLL!!!!
-Brilliant! Brilliant!
-Easy as pie! Frankie couldn't miss!
-That'll make the half-time talk easier!

Indeed it did. Baldy Brissen just told Wentland more of the same...
-Still pouring forward...
-Good try from Weston. Not far over.
-The Great Whites are looking a bit gone.
-We still need a second...
-...oh, iffy back-pass from Jonesy...
-...they're in here...
-...good save from Dezza.
68 mins
Possession: Wentland 68% East Lithania 32%
Shots on goal Wentland 13 East Lithuania 3
-Think we need another sub?
-Maybe, they're pres- oh, wait, their midfielder's slipped...
-...and Weston's got it. Smtih and Treves SCREAMING for it...
-he's HIT it!! OHHH YESSS!!!
-Two-nil! That'll do!
-Wrap it up and take it home to mum!
-Easy! Easy!
-Subs now...Smith off, Moon on...going 5 across the back...
-We shouldn't lose this now...
-Just grind out the last few minutes...
-Three of injury...ooh, snapshot from Okey, nearly made it three...
-It's over...

The result was frankly more important than the performance, but there was some sign of the old Swifts.

***

Next up: a trip to sunny Obsidianus. Edgar Bluff had been watching their match on the live feed but did not have much to report.

"Eight-nil. A right tanking. We can't learn much from that...they'll be looking for revenge, bounce back. Remember when Warpstone put six past Molton the other week? Molton then put five past the Wanderers. Very next game."

The other results were more interesting.

Oliverry 0-2 Haraki
Priggdom 3-1 Shing-Shang

"Haraki are getting better and better as the group goes on. We don't play them again until the end...that could be crucial."

"How the heck are Priggdom still winning?"

"They were playing Shing-Shang. They're being totally left behind."

"But we've got to watch the Prigs. They are in 4th after all."

"They might lose out over the later stages. Stamina is important, as we now know...we nearly blew it last time."

Tadjikistan

18-03-2006, 14:41

Tigers crush opposition
By Simon Grinchik, part time sportsjournalist

Alexander Zaevs first match couldnt be better, his victory over the Fighting Wombats puts him in the history books as the first coach ever to win with a difference of 6 goals. Even the supporters and enemies of Sharipov are now trying to bring an end to the feud that tore the nation apart.

Although he was an important player in the Tadjik national team, Alexander Zaev always remained reserved. He led a sober life and refused to become a star in the Tadjik football scene. He was extremely nervous when showed up on his first pressconference and tried not to predict anything. But now that burden has fallen off his shoulders :'I never imagined it would go like this, working with all those guys, many of whom I dont even know. Being a coach, making the decisions. I never saw myself doing this and I think you can all understand that I want these first matches to be over as soon as possible.'

The fans on the otherhand hope to see a few more matches like this one, where the Tadjiks dominate and amaze. The next match in particular will see a full Isserson stadion, mostly with Tadjiks in green and red shirts as none of them want to miss 'the day of revenge' that will bring the Tigers to the first position they deserve. The black market flourished and tickets for this game were sold at sometimes ridiculously high prices, it was already sold out before Matchday 13.

It was good news for the Tigers, the more fans in the stadion, the better they'd feel. Or as Micael Pliiev explained it: 'The Tadjiks fans are like a 12th man in our team!' Offcourse the news of Lovisa's recent loss at home against Becquerelia has been very helpful in cheering up the Tigers, making them realise that they're closing in rapidly. I cant do much else except cross my fingers, although I doubt it will help.

Tadjikistan - 6
Zyrianov '15 '23, Tulberdiev '29 '44 '57, Kirponos '82
Green Wombat - 0
-

Pos Team P W D L GF GA GD Pts
1 Lovisa 11 8 2 1 31 8 23 26
2 Tadjikistan 11 7 3 1 29 7 22 24
3 Andossa Se Mitrin Vega 11 5 1 5 14 21 -7 16
4 Becquerelia 12 3 6 3 10 10 0 15
5 Emporer Pudu 12 3 5 4 11 17 -6 14
6 Georgeonia 12 3 4 5 10 16 -6 13
7 Pastorville 12 4 1 7 7 13 -6 13
8 Giant Zucchini 11 3 2 6 15 17 -2 11
9 Green wombat 12 3 2 7 11 29 -18 11

Fixtures:
MD1: Stay home, do nothing
MD2: Giant Zucchini - Tadjikistan W 1-3
MD3: Tadjikistan - Pastorville W 2-0
MD4: Green Wombat - Tadjikistan W 0-4
MD5: Tadjikistan - Emperor Pudu D 1-1
MD6: Lovisa - Tadjikistan L 2-1
MD7: Tadjikistan - Andossa Se Mitrin Vega W 3-0
MD8: Becquerelia - Tadjikistan D 1-1
MD9: Tadjikistan - Georgonia D 1-1
MD10: Stay home again, do nothing
MD11: Tadjikistan - Giant Zucchini W 3-1
MD12: Pastorville - Tadjikistan W 0-4
MD13: Tadjikistan - Green Wombat W 6-0
MD14: Emperor Pudu - Tadjikistan
MD15: Tadjikistan - Lovisa
MD16: Andossa se Mitrin Vega - Tadjikistan
MD17: Tadjikistan - Becquerelia
MD18: Georgonia - Tadjikistan

Tadjik Goalscorers:
Zyrianov - 8
Tulberdiev - 7
Saradov - 6
Pliiev - 2
Kirponos - 2
Priore - 1
Gurchev - 1
Kornilov - 1
Zverev - 1

Hypocria

18-03-2006, 17:27

A Brief Recap

Matchday 13? Really? Wow, we have been out of touch. But, while the dreaded red of elimination has started to appear on qualification tables, the Hyppos are still in with a chance of third place. After another goal laden win, this time over Vuam and Isma, Sarzonia and their loud mouth coach are assured of a place in the Finals. Only a disaster can prevent Krytenia from joining them but six other sides will still have an eye on that playoff place.

The last time we were with you was after that disappointing defeat away to Revived Constantinople. Alex Santoro’s side followed up that fairly limp display with two unusually battling performances on the road. The Hyppos were unlucky not to come away with a point in Krytenia, eventually losing 1 – 0, but took all three from the tricky trip to Lethislavania after an excellent 2 – 0 win.

Following that run of away games it was back to the Hyppodrome for the visit of Palacetonia. Four years ago the Eagles humiliated Dave Wilson’s side in Drissa, a venue in which Hypocria had previous won every game, and the men in blue and red once again proved to be a major irritation. The home side through everything at the lowly ranked visitors but just couldn’t find a way through. The game finished goalless but as the coach pointed out, that was an improvement on the previous encounter.

Matchday 10 was a trip to doomed Rorysville. The hosts had looked pretty hopeless so far, winning one and losing the rest of their fixtures and they provided the Hyppos with three points way back on the opening day. Few can remember the last time Hypocria’s finest looked convincing against one of the minnows but they did just enough to take all the points with a 2 – 1 win, just like on matchday 1.

The next round of matches proved a couple of things. One Sarzonia are a top side. And two, their coach likes the sound of his own voice. But more on that later. Oh yes, 3 – 0 to the Stars.

And most recently was the derby game at home to Legalese. Much was expected after the excellent win in Legalese earlier in the campaign but the side couldn’t repeat the performance and eventually fell 2 – 0.

Pos Team P W D L GF GA GD Pts
1 Sarzonia 11 11 0 0 42 5 37 33
2 Krytenia 11 8 2 1 29 11 18 26
3 Legalese 12 5 2 5 28 25 3 17
4 Lethislavania 11 5 1 5 19 17 2 16
5 Vuam and Isma 12 5 1 6 13 21 -8 16
6 Hypocria 11 4 2 5 12 15 -3 14
7 Palacetonia 12 4 2 6 14 27 -13 14
8 Revived Constantinople 12 4 0 8 10 28 -18 12
9 Rorysville 12 1 0 11 9 27 -18 3

There’s now five games to go and the Hyppos run in looks rather promising. Three of the five matches are at home and having beaten both Lethislavania and Legalese away, trips to Vuam and Isma and Palacetonia should be more than winnable. Next up is the trip to Vuam and Isma and with the Baptism of Fire participants just one place and two points above the Hyppos a win there would lead to some upward movement.

Qualification Schedule

Hypocria v Rorysville (Drissa Sports Arena, Drissa) (2 - 1)
Hypocria v Sarzonia (Hyppodrome, Hypocrium) (1 - 3)
Rest Day
Legalese v Hypocria (1 - 3)
Hypocria v Vuam and Isma (Oceanside Stadium, Pylos) (1 - 1)
Revived Constantinople v Hypocria (2 - 1)
Krytenia v Hypocria (1 – 0)
Lethislavania v Hypocria (0 – 2)
Hypocria v Palacetonia (Hyppodrome, Hypocrium) (0 – 0)
Rorysville v Hypocria (1 – 2)
Sarzonia v Hypocria (3 – 0)
Rest Day
Hypocria v Legalese (Hyppodrome, Hypocrium) (0 – 2)
Vuam and Isma v Hypocria
Hypocria v Revived Constantinople (Drissa Sports Arena, Drissa)
Hypocria v Krytenia (Hyppodrome, Hypocrium)
Hypocria v Lethislavania (City of Hypocrium Stadium, Hypocrium)
Palacetonia v Hypocria

Around the Continent

Normally at the halfway stage we take a look at how our fellow Verdana nations are getting on. We missed the halfway stage so we’ll do it now.

Group 2

Our friends and neighbours in Bettia are enjoying another fine campaign. In third place they may be but that’s just a single point behind group leaders Total n Utter Insanity. And ten points clear of fourth place too.

Group 4

We now exactly how Krytenia are doing as Group 4 happens to be our group too. If the Aces don’t finish second it will be an absolute disaster.

Group 5

Ah Spruitland. That irritating island off our southern coast. I think it’s fair to say that the Wabbits have never been flavour of the month in the Autocracy after that defeat so many years ago in the semi final of the Baptism of Fire. But annoyingly the Spruits are doing rather well again, second place in their group and just a point behind Crystilakere.

Group 9

Now Nedalia are certainly a nation that understand our pain. They burst onto the international scene in the Under-21 tournament and didn’t have to wait that long for an appearance at the senior World Cup. But since that Finals visit there’s been very little to cheer for the Lions.

Honourable Mentions

We like those chaps over in Andossa Se Mitrin Vega and it’s nice to see ASMV riding high in the Group 11 table. But the Sea Dragon curse has began to show signs of making a nasty impact on their campaign. Here’s hoping they can cling on to third. And Milchama have taking to calling themselves the “New Hypocria” but clearly they are a much luckier side than us as they have a whole extra point.

Senility is a Terrible Thing

It really is. And it can strike anyone. Take Sarzonia national coach Dave Wilson as a case in point. Clearly the old man’s mind is going. That can be the only explanation for his bizarre outburst against the Autocracy’s football authorities in a Sarzonian newspaper following the match in Woodstock.

Did the HFA force Wilson out? No. Did they sack him? No. The going got tough and Dave Wilson legged it back to Sarzonia. Because without a team of world class players around him Wilson’s coaching skills were called into question after some abject performances. Sure his side did well against other nation’s B-Teams in the AOCAF but his legacy in the other tournaments leaves a lot to be desired. A 5 – 1 defeat in Giant Zucchini, then ranked over 100 places below the Hyppos, is still one of the worst ever performances. Closely followed by a 6 – 0 humiliation in Oaker, Hypocria’s heaviest defeat ever. It’s performances like those that lead to questions to be raised about Wilson’s management and clearly Dave doesn’t take criticism well.

And this outburst occurred not long after the HFA made a generous donation to the fund Wilson set up to help the people of Sarzonia through some tough times. How’s that for gratitude?

New Montreal States

18-03-2006, 18:52

PALADINS ROCK OUT IN DOME

Villeneuve grabs guitar, then lead, in 2-0 win over An Archy

NEW MONTREAL - In a pre-game concert given by States hard-rock band The Edgars, the biggest surprise was not the contents of their forthcoming album "People Shouting into Microphones," but star forward Gilles Villeneuve sprinting from the locker room, guitar in hand, to perform an impromptu solo alongside the band, who laughed in approval. Frontman Richard Battelier said: "He's not that bad, really, he could start his band if the whole football star thing didn't pan out." He then upchucked all over your correspondant's nice new shirt.

William Branstone was, needless to say, not that happy with having his star forward gallavanting on stage with four people drunk off their rockers, but seemed to calm down a bit after Villeneuve lifted the Paladins to a 1-0 lead a half-hour into play on a header off the crossbar after Tessier's shot went high. Your correspondent, fortunate enough to be in the locker room in the half, noted that only 30 obscene, profane, and/or blasphemous terms were used by Branstone during his tirade at Villeneuve, instead of the seventy or so everyone was expecting. Was it worth it?

"Heck yes," said Villeneuve, without the slightest hesitation. "I've been practicing for weeks just for today."

Hubert Labranche, who started the first half, was forced out of action as his stitches broke, and Hugh Faulkner again came off the bench, putting on a display of offensive grace and leadership that matched his display of defensive haplessness and disarray, finally creating a open shot for Charles Pilon, who did not disappoint, putting the Paladins up 2-0 and creating a defensive snoozefest that lasted for the rest of the match.

That said, let's take a look at what we're sure is an exciting, wide-open race to the finish for the qualification and playoff spots in Group 1:

Pos Team P W D L GF GA GD Pts
1 New Montreal States 11 9 0 2 24 11 13 27
2 Jeruselem 11 8 2 1 32 8 24 26
3 Cuation 11 5 3 3 16 13 3 18
4 Collonie 12 5 2 5 19 20 -1 17
5 Druida 11 4 3 4 11 13 -2 15
6 An Archy 12 3 4 5 9 16 -7 13
7 CR Oscilloscopes 12 4 1 7 8 20 -12 13
8 Kirstiriera 12 3 3 6 13 18 -5 12
9 Atheistic Right 12 0 4 8 10 23 -13 4

Huh.

First place will go to whichever team, Crusaders or Paladins, screws up less over the course of the final matches. This will probably be the team that wins at Jeruselem in the next match, but there's no guarantees there.

Third place is wide open, with Cuation stumbling into the stretch, Collonie not doing much of anything, and the Rainbows showing a return to form after a miserable first half. Even the Anarchists, the Oscilloscopes and the Unspellables have a fighting chance if they suddenly catch on fire.

And AR? It seems that they're finding out the downside of natural selection. Or God is out to teach them a lesson. Or both.

PALADINS 2 - Villeneuve 30, Pilon 63
AN ARCHY 0 - None

TOURNAMENT SCORING

Villeneuve 9
Labranche 3
Pilon 3
Tessier 2
Toussaint 2
Chan 1
Faulkner 1
Gordon 1
Miller 1
Yates 1

Vuam and Isma

18-03-2006, 19:25

Had maths partials, wasn't able to catch up. Now I'm giong to attempt to save the bacon with the RPing of matchdays 8 and 9... If there's any point...

Gazetta de'Esporte

Revived, but not enough to be a threat.
Revived Constantinople - 1 (#9 pen 75)
Vuam and Isma - 3 (Fitzsimons 38, O'Driscoll pen 61, Dynamique 83)

http://www.ombom.biz/alistairmulhearn/pix/photos/Alistair%20Mcoist%20with%20Amoruso%204199620.jpg
Fitzsimons shows Revived Constantinople #3 his skill on the ball.

Nobody even knows who they are, and yet they were above the Whites and Azures after matchday 7, having won three games, against Vuam and Isma's two wins and one draw.

However, Revived Constantinople's facilities were well sub-standard, and only 13,000 people made the trip to the stadium, leaving the 23,000 seater abysmally empty.

However, V&I showed they were determined to get the best result possible they could out of the game, and started with blazing passing movements, leaving Revived Constinantople's players almost seeming happy to allow Vuam and Isma keep possession.

After barely ten minutes, Dynamique came close to breaking the deadlock with a header that was stopped on the line by a lucky Constantinople 'keeper.

However, V&I's pressure pryed Constantinople's nets open, as Fitzsimons was served a perfect through-ball by Yak to slip the ball out of the poor goalkeeper's reach.

After the break, Vuam and Isma looked to seal the game, and their all-out attack payed off as Lidon was tripped in the box, earning O'Driscoll an easy penalty.

However, after suffering a doubling of their defeat, Constantinople seemed to feel the need to save honour, and pushed forwards. Only 14 minutes after the penalty for V&I, the ref judged that S'baa had unfairly jumped with #9 of Constantinople, and awarded the home side a penalty kick. #9 strided up confidently, and sent O'Connor the wrong way with a swerving blast down the center-left.

As Constantinople pushed forwards more and more in the dying instants of the game, V&I started playing counter-attacks, and were rewarded in the 83rd minute when Dynamique added to the tally, plasing in a loose ball frmo point blank range.

Gazetta de'Esporte

Bad passing and lack of presence sums up the whole match.
Krytenia - 1 (Kennedy 29)
Vuam & Isma - 0

After a heavy midweek that witnessed the first games of the first season of Topplig, Vuam and Isma were obviously not playing their best football. Even though they were solid defensively, an isolated Sharwood was unable to emulate the flair and creativity of Fitzsimons, and even O'Beirne's appearance in the second half side only lifted the play by a slither.

Keneddy fulfilled his role of lead striker, blasting his 7th goal so far pas a hopeless O'Connor from the 6-yard box.

Vuam and Isma will have to learn how to balance high-level internationals and high-level domestic matches if they are to hope for any real sucess for the WC.

Sarzonia

18-03-2006, 19:48

IFF files defamation suit

WOODSTOCK (ASP) -- The saga surrounding Sarzonian national team coach and IFF chairman Dave Wilson and his previous employers, Hypocria, took another turn when the IFF filed a $15 million lawsuit against the Hypocrian media outlet responsible for suggesting Wilson was senile. In addition, the IFF has added accusations of libel to the mix.

"We find their charges against Coach Wilson absolutely ludicrous in every sense of the word," IFF president Sir Douglas Freech said. "Dave recently took a full battery of medical and psychological tests and passed them with flying colours. This is definitely a man fully aware of what he's doing."

The controversy surrounding Wilson's return to coach the Stars after a two Cup go as the Hyppos head coach took a dramatic turn when he sounded off after Sarzonia's 3:0 win over Hypocria in Bryan Marshall Stadium in Woodstock. Wilson said after the match that Hypocria's Football Association was "impatient" and were planning to force him out with the Hyppos' failure to advance in two World Cup qualifying efforts under his watch.

"I find it amusing that the HFA have suggested that I've gone senile," he said. "One look at Sarzonia's record in this World Cup qualifying run should dispel that notion." Sarzonia currently sports a perfect 11-0-0 record and is leading all of World Cup qualifying in goal differential with a plus-37. Only Squornshelous's 44 goal output surpasses Sarzonia's 42. The Stars were one of the first three teams to advance to the World Cup finals after their 5-0 win over Vuam and Isma.

The Stars have contacted Sarzonian attorney general Jonathan Cochrane (http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v419/msarzo/cochran.gif) and he has agreed to represent them in court.

"If you want my advice, tell the truth or pay the price," Cochrane said.

Becquerelia

18-03-2006, 21:14

(OOC: Wondering about Becquerelia's roster, uniforms, home stadium, or whatever? Well wonder no more, and head to Becquerelia's roster post (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=10526289&postcount=63).)

And we turn back around to see what's behind us:

http://www.geocities.com/becquerelia/images/bnff.gifBecqurelia - (2)__________(1) - Lovisa http://www.geocities.com/becquerelia/images/lovisa.gif

LOVISA MAKES THREE
Becquerelia Works Their Way Up The Group

Lovisa (JNS) - On Matchday Three, Becquerelia faced off against a 2-0-0 Lovisa and gave them their first tie. On Matchday Thirteen, Becquerelia faced off against a undefeated Lovisa and gave them their first loss.

"I think teams might start being worried about seeing us on their schedule." joked Head Coach Macarius Ransome after the game.

Becquerelia, which announced just before the game via a press release that Forward Peter Constantine had been named the team's official Captain, played a very strong game. They dictated the game's pace, and kept Lovisa running all game long.

The first score of the game came in the 24th minute. as Forward Ceolwulf Novoselic scored. Lovisa came back in the second half with a goal by their talented Forward in the 48th minute. But the game-winning score came in the 57th minute, as Ambrose Wainwright scored his first goal in international play.

Also, this game featured the end of the media silence by the National Team, with Coach Ransome speaking with the press. He would be the only person to come out to speak, and refused to speak of the Christopher Fullbright situation. "The only thing we want to talk about in the past is this
last game. That's as far back as we're going to discuss" he said.

With this game, Becquerelia moves up to fourth in Group 11. Just four games ago, Becquerelia was sitting in dead last in the group. "I think this goes to show how quickly things can change in the World Cup." says Head Coach Ransome. "And just as quickly we moved up, we can just as easily move
back down."

Becquerelia's Current Results and Upcoming Schedule
Home Team Last
WIN DRAW LOSS

MD01: Becquerelia - 0 Pastorville - 2
MD02: Becquerelia - 0 Green wombat - 1
MD03: Emporer Pudu - 0 Becquerelia - 0
MD04: Lovisa - 1 Becquerelia - 1
MD05: Becquerelia - 0 Androssa Se Mitrin Vega - 2
MD06: BYE
MD07: Georgeonia - 1 Becquerelia - 1
MD08: Tadjikistan - 1 Becquerelia - 1
MD09: Becquerelia - 0 Giant Zucchini - 0
MD10: Pastorville - 1 Becquerelia - 1
MD11: Green wombat - 0 Becquerelia - 3
MD12: Becquerelia - 1 at Emporer Pudu - 0
MD13: Becquerelia - 2 Lovisa - 1
MD14: Androssa Se Mitrin Vega (5-1-5) at Becquerelia (2-6-3)
MD15: BYE
MD16: Becquerelia (2-6-3) at Georgeonia (3-4-5)
MD17: Becquerelia (2-6-3) at Tadjikistan (7-3-1)
MD18: Giant Zucchini (3-2-6) at Becquerelia (2-6-3)

Audioslavia

18-03-2006, 21:43

http://www.geocities.com/lifeobrien/bull.txt
Bulls Through The Gate
Audioslavia Qualify for FMJ/Bedistani World Cup

With another comfortable three-nil win, the 'slaves cemented their place in World Cup XXVII alongside fellow members of the 100% club, Sarzonia and Liverpool England.

The win keeps the 'slaves ten points ahead of second and, with no signs of the 'slaves letting up, that gap doesn't look like being cut any time soon. Indeed, Audioslavia just need to win two of their last five games to be certain of top spot.

Elsewhere in Group 9, Nedalia's 'do or be done' game with Ariddia ended with a victory for the Lions, putting them four points behind Chicanada in third, alongisde their beaten foes Ariddia. Kelse's chances suffered a set back with a re-run of their 4-0 defeat to Commerce Heights in the first half of qualifying, which gives the Bulldogs a four point cushion over the playoff positions.

As for the Audioslavia-Pedriana game, well it went pretty much the same as the first game if you cut out the bit about Pedriana scoring two goals and having the lead for most of the second half. An expertly taken free-kick by Kabaofo Alanila clipped the underside of the bar on its way to putting the 'slaves one up on sixteen minutes, before Janne Jarnefelt made it two nil with a crisp finish from nine yards. More attacks came in a first half dominated by the men in claret and green, but it took until ten minutes after half time for the lead to be extended to the traditional Unsurmountable Lead of 3-0, with Arturo Vitalis maintaining his impressive 'goal in every game' record by heading a cross between the goalkeepers legs.

Audioslavia's winning streak now stands at eleven, having scored twenty eight goals and conceding only six, all of those goals against being conceded in the many scraped wins in the first half of qualifying. At the moment though, the 'slaves have scored eleven goals without reply, and guess what, thats almost a record too, behind Audioslavia's eighteen goals without reply in the qualifiers for World Cup 20.

I've been Jeremy Jaffacake, g'nite bitches.

Wentland

18-03-2006, 23:11

Obsidianus were near the bottom of Group 8. They had provided stubborn resistance in Wentland before going down 3-2. That was their fifth defeat on the trot, but since then they had picked up a couple of wins, including one in Priggdom that under normal circumstances would have been seen as fairly routine but given the Prigs’ amazing form was one heck of a shock. Alas for Obsidianus the recent run of half-decent results ended with an eight goal annihilation at Starblaydia. The Otters were well and truly shamed.

The Swifts, with Bluff back in full-time charge, were concerned about a backlash from their hosts. John Capper was concerned about something else. He had read in the Book that he was to undergo an Ordeal.

On a sightseeing trip, he therefore separated from the squad to explore the back-streets of Obsidiaani. What Ordeal could it be? The matter that concerned him was the symbol of the Phoenix. It was something consumed by –

“FIRE!!!!!!” Thick black smoke poured into the street from a tenement and orange flames licked the sky. “Help! Help!”

This must be the Ordeal, thought Capper. Without a second thought he ran into the tenement door from where he could hear plaintive yells. The flames were of little concern as he found a mother and child in a back room, paralysed by fear and the asphyxiating fog. “Come on, take my hand, there’s a way through. Give me the bab.”

And Capper managed to weave through the burning floor and dash out before the ceiling joists gave way. A crowd had gathered and applauded Capper as he brought the pair out.

After a few minutes of rest and medical treatment, the Obsidianus Fire Service arrived. “Good job you were here, mate,” the chief officer said. “They’d’ve had no chance waiting for us. Beats me how the fire spread so quickly.”

“I think there’s gonna be a little something in it for you, too,” said the assistant.

***

The team was the same team that started the East Lithuania game. Dorrington in goal. The Fletchers at left and right back. Jenkins and Jones in the middle of defence. Okey on the right wing, Kent on the left. Capper was none the worse for his smoke inhalation and played alongside Weston in midfield. And Smith would get the knockdowns for Treves.

The Obsidianus crowd were morose at their team’s general poor form and could barely muster the appropriate responses when the players’ names were read out over the tannoy. But when John Capper’s name was read out, the entire stadium stood and applauded.

***

Back in Wentland, a figure in purple went into a back room. He approached a shimmering, plasmatic screen of red and yellow morphs.

“The Capper was nearly trapped, O Luminous One. Alas he escaped the flame.”

You were foolish. Flame does not bother Capper.

“I thought the Obsidian Powder would counter his mien, O Luminous One. I apologize for the failure.”

Very well. I can tolerate failure. But not too much failure.

“Of course, O Luminous One.”

***

It was some months later that John Capper received his “little something”. An investiture into the Knights Castellan of Obsidianus for his bravery. An honorary award, to be sure, but he still was able to attend the ceremony and receive the token of gratitude from the people of Obsidianus. A small horse’s head made of obsidian, pendent from a blue and white ribbon.

Rejistania

19-03-2006, 00:46

The Orange-Blues wanted revenge on New Preussen, so the customs made sure they did not import any of their Prussian food. So the Prussians were forced to eat rejistanian food. However the Prussians seemed to like the meatballs and different fruits and vegetables, unknown outside of Rejistania pretty much. The Lychee hooch however was nothing they liked and the rejistanian beer... well, it exists, that is the beast thing even rejistanis say about it. The attempt to make the New Preussen team show up hungry as a wolf and drunk as a skunk failed quite spectacularily. for that reason, the match was not as one-sided as expected. The Orange-Blues took the lead in the 5th minute after a long shot of "the attacker" I Hetaki'he. However New Preussen equalized in the 56th minute. The rejistanian defense was caught sleeping at this scene. Despite the Orange-Blues dominating the match, they were not able to capitalize their chances until in the 79th minute when Seira I Hetaki (called "Hetaki'he" meaning "the striker" by Rejistanians) was able to increase the score once more. 2:1 as the final score. Since also the Archregimancy won, the upper part of the table remains unchanged.

The Lowland Clans

19-03-2006, 02:13

GRAHAM CITY SUN - Sports Section
Stars Dealt Mortal Wound by Rolatia

MADEIRA, FRP - The Allied States was once again unable to pull through against a weaker team once again. The Allied States opened with the momentum and two quick goals, but were unable to follow through and finish the game at home infront of a crowd of a hundred thousand cheering supporters. John Pellaeon opened the scoring with a header off of a beautiful Mackallen corner, putting it into the back of the net. Subs Shae Gareth and Kevin Gardner were both getting the start after the dreadful performance against the Terminators two weeks ago.

When the Rolatians started putting pressure on the defense, it folded like a cheap suit, letting in two questionable goals at the beginning of the second half. The Last goal though, was scored on a counter attack that started of a cleet-first from-behind tackle, that tore the calf muscle of Sidney Pollack, ending his run in this tournament. The wild protests of the stars elicited nothing from the referee, and thus the goal stood and the moral was gone.

So now the Stars MUST win against The Fighting Norris next week in order to have any chance of advancing. A win would put us just one point behind Rolatia, with only Turori as a difficult opponent heading into the final weeks, but the Rolatians don't have their bye until later, so we need a win.

Magnus Valerius

19-03-2006, 02:40

Meanwhile, at the Magnus Valerian Boyars' Party after the Game with Crna Gora Liv Eng...

The Boyars celebrated heavily after their win against Crna Gora Liv Eng. They brought out booze and sung songs and ate delicacies. Of course, they were not celebrating their win per se; Crna Gora Liv Eng was doing quite badly in the game. They were celebrating the fact that they were still alive in the qualifiers, if only barely. They are definitely sure that they were not going to qualify for the finals, but the team was happy that they may at least leave the World Cup in a rather decent standing for a team with little experience on the world stage. Ilya Pavlov, drunk off his ass, tripped over some hedges into a pool at a manor the Valerian government purchashed to house the team. George Illyanich began meeting up with random women; when he will wake up, he will be sure to find a horde of women's numbers tagged all over his arms and legs. Many groupies to the team also crashed the party and made off with various hor d'eourves and drinks, and the team didn't care; they were too drunk to notice random people coming to their party.

Tomorrow it will be hard facing off Hockey Canada at home with hangovers...

Spaam

19-03-2006, 02:53

Spaam Sports Weekly
NationStates' Most Notorious Sports Publication

Celebrating 100 Years of World Cup Participation

The Group Of Death

Obsidianus did not have a good holiday in Starblaydia, as they suffered the
worst defeat of any team in qualifying. The Purple Perils had a field day with
8 goals, while the visitors could barely get into the opponent's half, let alone
score. The suprising result of the day, and the one most pleasing to all
teams bar the loser, was Oliverry's home game against Haraki. The Hawks
defense stood strong, and they took advantage of a sloppy Oliverry defense
to take the game 2-nil.

Wentland defeated East Lithuania at home, two goals to zip, in a must win
game for both teams. For once Wentland did not complain about the result,
but expect things to go back to normal next week. And finally Priggdom
stayed in the hunt for a qualifying spot, by winning 3-1 at home against
Shing-Shang. Meanwhile Spaam enjoyed their week off in preparation of a
must-win game against Haraki in the Hawks territory.

Starblaydia 8:0 Obsidianus
Oliverry 0:2 Haraki
Wentland 2:0 East Lithuania
Priggdom 3:1 Shing-Shang

Starblaydia looks to have the top spot wrapped up, but Oliverry's second
position is in peril with their loss last night. Oliverry's loss means they are
still just two points ahead of Spaam, and they both have their games against
Starblaydia left. Priggdom is one point behind Spaam, so are suprisingly still
able to grab a qualifying spot, and definitely have the potential to get to
playoffs, though they have one less game in hand.

Haraki's win pushes them into 5th, two points behind Priggdom, which means
they are still in the running for a playoff. With a home game against Spaam,
and running as favourites, next week could see the possibility even greater.
Wentland is another two points behind in 6th, barely holding on, while East
Lithuania are all but mathematically elminated. Obsidianus should have 8th
spot to themselves, and we will be so bold as to crown Shing-Shang the
wooden spooners for this cup.

Pos Team P W D L GF GA GD Pts PPG G%
1 Starblaydia 11 9 1 1 39 3 36 28 2.5 93
2 Oliverry 11 7 2 2 30 15 15 23 2.1 67
3 Spaam 11 6 3 2 16 5 11 21 1.9 76
4 Priggdom 12 6 2 4 16 21 -5 20 1.7 43
5 Haraki 12 6 0 6 12 16 -4 18 1.5 43
6 Wentland 11 5 1 5 18 20 -2 16 1.4 47
7 East Lithuania 12 3 4 5 11 14 -3 13 1.1 44
8 Obsidianus 12 2 1 9 13 33 -20 7 0.6 28
9 Shing-Shang 12 0 2 10 9 37 -28 2 0.2 20

Next Week

Spaam are facing Haraki away, and are the underdogs according to the
critics. A loss will severely damage their chances of a playoff position, and
help Haraki in the must win. Shing-Shang host Starblaydia, in yet another
away win for the Perils, Priggdom host Oliverry is a match that could go
either way, and Obsidianus host Wentland in a must win for the third seed.
East Lithuania have the bye.

Statistics

Home vs Away
P W D L GF GA GD Pts PPG G%
Home 6 4 1 1 11 1 10 13 2.2 92
Away 5 2 2 1 5 4 1 8 1.6 56
Total 11 6 3 2 16 5 11 21 1.9 76

Goal Scorers
No Name G P
17 Mylor Goss 5 10
1 Ewa Ivey 4 10
6 Cleder Cawrse 3 7
4 Crewenna Roskelly 2 10
8 Melyor Trewin 1 5
11 Credan Trethewey 1 10
7 Colan Trebilcock -1 5

History
1 Spaam 4:0 Obsidianus W
2 Shing-Shang 1:1 Spaam D
3 Oliverry 1:0 Spaam L
4 BYE
5 Spaam 1:0 Haraki W
6 Priggdom 0:0 Spaam D
7 Starblaydia 0:1 Spaam W
8 Spaam 4:0 Wentland W
9 Spaam 0:0 East Lithuania D
10 Obsidianus 2:3 Spaam W
11 Spaam 2:0 Shing-Shang W
12 Spaam 0:1 Oliverry L
13 BYE
14 Haraki ?:? Spaam ?

Fmjphoenix

19-03-2006, 03:24

Matchday 14 scores can be found here (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showthread.php?p=10599856#post10599856).

Ny apologies for not posting scores last night. I was gone all night due to being in the hospital with my mom. My stepdad's back went out and she wanted me there with her. I couldn't say no, ya know.

Green wombat

19-03-2006, 06:39

THE Hexagon Rebel

Earlier today in a blatent 1st Right of Citizenry violation, the Government of this "free" country destroyed all of our radios and comunications equipment. With out this equipment, we cannot bring you the results of today's match, but we do have our sources and will update the populace as soon as possible.

This act earlier today just confirms our belief that the current government is corrupt and must be brought down by any means necessary. The Rebel
does not condone violence, but if it is needed, then we will try to accurately as possible chronicle the events. DO NOT BE AFRAID, FREEDOM IS AT HAND, TRUE FREEDOM.

Green wombat

19-03-2006, 07:28

RP Cuttoff for Matchday 14. Scores soon-ish.
how soonish???

Andossa Se Mitrin Vega

19-03-2006, 09:12

OOC - almost 6 hours now. "Soonish" must mean something different in fmj :D

Wentland

19-03-2006, 09:19

"All quiet tonight, George?"

"Yes, no problems. Some strange chap trying to get in."

"We've had a bit of that. What was he like?"

"Actually, it might have been a girl. Strange camp voice. Saying they had to see the main generator."

"Hm. Maintenance have been worried about overheating. But we can't afford a power cut now...everyone's waiting for the kick-off."

"Yes, Bill. What do you think I've got on the monitors?"

"So long as...oh-oh, power down."

"How the heck???"

The WBC relay station in Finster had suddenly lost power. The coverage from Obsidianus was suddenly pumping useless radio waves to the Went coast...

Meanwhile a purple-cowled figure stole away in the darkness. Praise to the remote circuit jammer. The buffoons will not think of looking outside the plant. The Luminous One will be pleased.

[NS]Bazalonia

19-03-2006, 10:16

"Bazalopes Fight Above Their Division" by Nev Gould

Sorry to use a boxing metaphor but the recent away match of the Bazalopes against Praying2God's national team. The Bazalopes scored 3 times and the defense prevent a number of attacks only allowing one of them through. With Praying2God ranked 28 in the world and the Bazalopes are about 90 ranks below. Just how did this happen?

Neil Kabants attributed the win to "Good fundamentals" when quized to what thesde fundamentals where he declined to comment saying "A Coach has to keep some secrets". Irchov Michael scored in the 28th and 61st minutes where James Kantwell scored in 31st minute. Our opponents scored just a few minutes before the half-time whistle in the 42nd minute.

Exactly what happened so that the Praying2God team was defeated so convincingly is still unknown as the team has refused to comment when asked for their view.

....................

BFP, Missing Persons Unit

"Sir, I think we've got a lead. It seems that there was another Werewolf that went missing just before Peter Hobble did." (Ian)

"So give me the details..." (Mark)

"A Werewolf named Francis Cantor, who is an avid soccer fan and who has seemed to be perculiarly interested in Peter Hobble after his.... conversion. It seemed Francis thought he should be an Elrichian soccer player and was Jealous of Peter Hobble, apparently he never heard about the ruling of Mr Di Bradini." (Ian)

"Okay, good. I'll talk with the Elrichians., See if they have some more information on this Francis." (Mark)

New Preussen

19-03-2006, 10:28

Preussiche Welle, English Language Service New Preussen News(

Could be Worse(and Is). Do Simulated Players Dream of Digital
Sheep ?
Eintracht Charlottenburg 'Pumped Up' for the Harbor Cup, the Katzens will be back.

New Preussen's Wirbelsturm lose in rematches. Archregimancy
respond to comments by Team Manager

Wirbelsturm's manager Uwe Blab's comments after Game Day 6 were
not well received in the Archregimancy. and the team's
performance was not exactly well received at home. ' Monks do not Cheat' and 'New Preussen deserved' it's later losses being typical. links to detailed Archregimancy commentary at our website and in a more detailed sports bulletin at 1800 hours GMT

A 1 point victory over the Footie Dream Team on Matchday 8 was
promising, but the only victory in the last few matches.

Matchday 9 saw a 2-1 defeat on away game at Praying2God. Matchday
19 was a rematch with Rordia at home, but ended with a
disastrous 0-4 loss. The loss of one of the teams best defensive
players, Fuqhit Brown , to a groin injury was believed to be a
major factor.

Brown, a native of Donunderstan originally came to New Preussen
to attend University , playing on the University of Schwerin
team. and performed quite well against the Caselonian Red Army
team in Sunbelt Regional competitions. He remains on the
disabled list and is not likely to play for the remainder of the
WC matches. .

Matchday 11 was another bitter defeat, an away game against
Bazelonia. This was surprising, given the respectable performance
and victory the last time Wirbelsturm faced them. The closest
New Preussen came to a goal was in the 48th minute, but the shot
was easily blocked by the Bazelonian goalie.

Analysis in the Bazelonian media gave much credit to a new coach,
and to the -absence- of one of their best and most notorious
players Peter Hobble. The theory was advanced that the team had
relied to heavily upon Hobble, and his absence forced the other
players to radically rework their strategy and style of play.
Most within New Preussen reviewing the game tend to agree.
noting the difficulty Prussian players faced in adapting to a
much more fluid offense.

Match day 12 Another away game, This one in Popolus.
Thankfully , New Preussen was able to stop the steady stream of
defeats. but came away with only a draw.

Match day 13. A 'reverse' in more ways than one. The score was
the mirror image of the earlier win against Rejistania. At a
moment when Wirbelsturm couldl ill afford it, Rejistania was
off to a early lead in the 5h minute with a smoking long shot.

Prussian defenders rallied holding the Orange Blues at bay for
most of the match. The offensive players were not so
energetic, being unable to even the score until the 56th minute.

It appeared a draw might be in the offing, which , would have
been acceptable given Wirbelsturm's far more experienced and
powerful opponent. It was not to be. In the 79th moment, the
Orange Blue striker outmaneuvered the defense and scored the game
winning goal.

Team Manager Blab quipped ' At least the food was good,
thought they really ought to try our beer. And maybe our best
wurst. '

At 3/4 of the way through the qualifying round New Preussen is
still a contender. but a struggling one.

Prospects for the Cup, or the Cup of Harmony are uncertain.
Today In a post game interview Manager Uwe Blab indicated the
Katzen brothers, so recently acquired from Eintracht will be
returned to Charlottenburg if Wirbelsturm does not qualify
for the World Cup.

' As many of you know , after hundreds of years of hostility with
Grays Harbor, we have finally resolved our differences, reunited
with our brothers from the captive provinces. Since the signing
of the Aberdeen Accords relations have improved greatly. New
Preussen has been invited to participate in the Harbor cup by
sending one local team, as opposed to a national one. Eintracht
currently the strongest team in the Prussichliga and is slated to
take part. Once the Harbor Cup finals are over , the Katzens
will be returned to the national team. We hope to have them
available for at least some of the Cup of Harmony matches should
New Preussen take part.

I had to agree that we could not pass up the opportunity to
participate for the first time in one of the most prestigious tourney in
the Heartland. We are already examining a short list of
alternates to replace those players participation in the Harbor
Cup. Delicious irony would have had one of the teams form the
former GH colonies participating.. Most the current teams had
to be reformed after reunification. and are not yet as powerful as
some of the more established teams. With Fuqhit Brown injure d.
Schwerin FC would be at a major disadvantage. '

Asked about recent comments from the Archregimancy, Blab
responded.

' I have yet to see any rule governing World Cup play that
specifically allows a non being to play. These aren't sentient
animals or vegetables. They are not even sentient androids, since
they apparently are programmed to be exact copies of a player,
which means instead of independent thought, these ar simply are
run by software designed to copy the likely actions and
decisions of another.

WC rules that might have bearing on the matter are somewhat
vague. I'm guessing no one anticipated this happening. It
would not be the first time that technology has outpaced
regulation.

I don't think the Archregimancy is arguing they are actual beings.
Probably they do not have what any sentient being has- free
will. I'm not even going to muck about with the issue of
whether they have souls.

If they are allowed, then why even have the competition,. You
might as well just have two computer programs compete against one
another.

By the logic of the Archregimancy if one of my players is injured
or killed, I should be able to replace them with a simulacra.
Just because the Archregimancy regards Lenten abstention as a
morally superior reason, this does not mean the rest of the teams
should be so bound. Think how many teams have won or lost a
competition because of a player performing at less than optimum
due to illness, or distraction. The simulacra are not bothered
by such things. can be programmed to narrowly focus on a strictly
limited set of stimuli. Even if their artificial bodies function
at the level of a regular the AI , operated by computer, can
process information, and calculate the likely outcome of actions
at a rate far faster than any living thing. How does one
compensate for that advantage?

New Preussen is asking for a ruling by the WC committee on
specifically whether such simulacra are allowed in future Cup
competitions. Far as I know this hasn't been considered yet.
Since the Archregimancy are already in this Cup, they should be
allowed to finish, since it is unfair to change the standards mid
qualifying round. However the issue should be clearly ruled upon
before future competition.

I emphasize that we are -not- challenging the specific match.
We want no one to misinterpret this as a case of sour grapes.
We lost the match and accept the loss. What we do have concerns
about is the overarching principle and how future World Cup
competitions deal with the issue. It is not limited to
Archregimancy actions, but a principle germane to all teams.

The Archregimancy has claimed that these simulacra are no
different from the actual players in terms of performance. The
only problem is that we have NO proof of this other than that
given by the Archregimancy itself. Since they have a vested
interest , it is not unreasonable to ask for a neutral third
party evaluation to either prove or disprove the claim. Likely the
simulcra are going to be used in future World Cups if they fall
during Lenten season.

Rather than argue the issue in the midst of a competition. n
official evaluation of the simulcra, and an official position by
the official rules making bodies -before- any future World Cup is
in order, to remove any controversy and uncertainty. We
believe there should be a mechanism similar to that for anti
doping or to ensure the game balls are not replaced by altered
ones that give an unfair advantage to one team over another.
Should WC authorities allow for the participation of ' computer
generated players. there should be clear parameters for what
these are allowed to do and not do. For example. if a real
player is injured, and a doppelganger allowed to play in his
place. even if that replacement is exactly the same as the
player, it gives the team using the doppelganger a unfair
advantage against those teams not able to afford such technology,
or advanced enough to produce such a entity.

If the Archregimancy has the technology now, sooner or later so
will someone else, perhaps less ethical. Considering the holy
war like manner some teams use. the temptation to use
questionable methods against 'heathen' exists.

If the World Cup's regulating body wishes to take up the issue
now for consideration , so much the better,. If not, to have a
carefully thought out examination of the issue and definitive
rulings before future World Cups would actually benefit all,
including the archregimancy. Monks -might- cheat. After all,
they -are- human and hence fallible, guilty of Original Sin.
etc. etc. Best to remove temptation . That's part of the
whole celibacy doctrine isn't;t it?

I notice the Archregimancy said rules are observed when playing
-within- the Archregimancy. If they are going to engage in
proper sportsmanship, the rules should be adhered to whether in
or -outside- their home country.

For the record, I'm not a 'heretical Catholic crusader', Nor
are any of my players. We are Prussians, playing for our beloved
King and Country. We play hard and fair, and don't presume to
call upon a higher power for help when there are so many other
things for that power to attend to. Prussians each carry out our
personal religious duties and beliefs according to the dictates
of those beliefs. New Preussen survived attack by tyrants
,occupation of part of our country by Empires We lost ma ny
battles, but always prevailed. with -honor-. That same sense
of honor is present in our approach to sports. Win or lose,
we will not taint our actions with questionable means to
achieve desired results.

If we had been competing at the world level as long as they , we
would do at least as well without resorting to digital alchemy
or theocratic monomania. We 'll win or lose with real flesh
and blood players, take our lumps like any new team and earn
our experience the old fashioned way.

However we finish, Wirbelsturm wouldn't have missed BoF or
qualifying WC play for anything.. All auspicious sports teams
hae their humble beginnings and times of struggle. Like the
finest sword. we will be tempered in the fire of competition
and be stronger for it. Sports has often been the one area in which normally parochial Heartland nations often first make a name for themselves in the wider world. It's a time honored traditon, and
one we hope to follow. "

Atheistic Right

19-03-2006, 10:48

The 4-nil loss to Jerusalem hijt the Atheistic Right team fairly hard. Despite Jerusalem being the highest ranked team in the Group such a loss was still going to attack the attention of Lion and an assasination attempt. Tortoise knew this and that is why he held a press conferance right after the tournament.

"Thank you for attending, the press conference. The result of the match was not much of a surprise, in fact it probably could have been alot worse. But I am afraid I am going to have to step down as the team's coach and just focus on defending the Atheistic Right goal."

"Any Idea on who will replace you?" asked a quizical reporter

"No, that is the responsibility of ARFA. Though I hope to work with the new coach to achieve the best that we can."

"With the death of Owl in the Baptism of Fire, after your loss to Allied Anime Worlds, who went on to win the Baptism of Fire and the Alergic reaction that Cricket had after his loss. There have been plenty of rumours about Athesitic Right and assasination. Are you scared that you are going to get .... "knocked off"?

"Those are ridicolous rumours Cricket died as a result of his own stupidity. And Owl... well he had a heart attack. That's where I am going to have to leave the conference for now. Thank you."

As Tortoise left the conference he hoped that it was enough so that Lion would not kill him lije the other coaches... in this case he was right.

Cuation

19-03-2006, 12:37

Meanwhile, Monastic Football Association officials were baffled by accusation from Cuation that unspecified Archregimancy officials were bribing referees in order to harm Cuation's qualification chances.

"What sort of heretical nonsense is this?" said a senior archimandrite, speaking on condition of anonymity. "We don't care about Cuation (though we obviously care for the souls of the nation's citizens). We're not even in Cuation's group. What possible motivation could we possibly have for getting involved in Cuation's qualification? And how many times do we have to say... MONKS DON'T CHEAT! Not Orthodox ones, anyway. Not sure about those Copts, though."

Monks Cheat Claims Senior Archimandrite

The man has refused to be named but while at first denying the accusations, he broke down and admitted what everyone knew: Monks Cheat. Despite not being willing to claim that the monks are scared that Cuation might meet them in the World Cup proper. At first he denied that the Monks cheated but then admitted that a sect of their own has been cheating.

We will not dwell on this disgusting fact but would like to point out that Hubert Labranche should not have had a penalty so was there more bribes paid? Such sadness that doubts will continue to spread whenever Cuation are cheated.

Cuation 2-3 New Montreal States

This game had everything, goals, saves, arguments, hard but mostly fair tackling. Cuation where spurred on by the crowd and a need to avenge the 3-0 beating they had recived earlier. This was a game that Gary Jens would have prospered in but Peter Seamen was kept in the starting line up.

Both sides commited themselves early on to trying to rough each other out of the game. The somewhat wimpy referee felt this was too much and blew on Jesse Miller for a hard tackle on the surging Roy Ferguson. Miller was booked and then subbed for Phillip Yates. Beanpole striker Tanner surpsingly stepped up to take the penalty, a fine shot later and Cuation had drawn first blood with 14 minutes gone.

Both sides battled hard but Yates was making a diffirence despite only jsut returing from injury. As half time started to seem close, the super sub burst towards the box, drawing Sol Major and Jonathan Yates towards him. Both tried to stop him but he showed strength in riding the hard challenges. One on one, it was no contest as the ball was stroked behind the keeper and into the net.

Both sides where happy with the scoreline at half time but the pace of the game didn't relent in the second half. Sadly Hubert Labranche got a cut on the head after a clash in the air and had to be brought off but will return however the quesy ref gave a penalty to the Paladins. Like they really needed help...

Anyway on came Hugh Faulkner while Mnager Jude prootested with the 4th offical. It was clear he was almost about to be sent off but the ref decided not to add oil to the fire. Hotshot Gilles Villeneuve was never going to miss this chance, he scored with the 52th minute penalty.

Debut Hugh Faulkner promptly terroized the defence, creating several chances but thanks in part to Seamen, poor finishing and desperate defending, Cuation didn't conced until Hugh beat Jonathan Yan to a loose ball, his shot rifling over the suprised keeper.

3-1 down with twenty minutes to ago against such a top side was never going to be easy but Cuation where unlucky to not grab a point as the Paladins fell back to a 4-6-0 formation. To the credit of the visitors, they performed admirably under the pressure they had to cope with.

Man of the Match Paul Chasson had done well already but at 3-1 up, he made five superb saves, the best being when Chasson scrambled to his left to push away Rual's close range header. Giovanni, Nicky Keano and Heskey Anderton would be brought on for Roy Ferguson, Rio Samamba and Jonathan Yan in a 1-4-5 formation.

In the 77th minute, the defence failed to quite cope with the marking, allowing Ashton to burst down the right flank and try a long range effort. Chasson was beaten by the pace and Cuation had only one more goal to get to earn a draw.

The football for the last thriteen minutes was the kind you want to see in the Final. Cuation has seen some great football in these early years but some would say this was the best football they had ever seen at home. A long ball by Sol Major was controlled by Peter Tanner but as he turned, Yannic Laurier fouled him, getting into the book.

A penalty, Tanner to take with seconds to go. He scored and Cuation would have a morale boosting draw, miss and they dropped more points. His shot was high and to the left but Chasson somehow managed to turn it over. When the final whsitle blew, both teams seemed exhuasted as the corawd gave them appluaded them. Great game.

Booked Players for Cuation: Jothan Yan, Sol Major, Roy Ferguson, Peter Tanner, Timothy Ashton, Nicky Keane.

Bye Day and News

Cuation got a well needed rest after that hard match with the Paladins, Giovanni, Rual among those nrusing slight injuries. 8 points behind second place Jeruselem, automatic qualfication is out of reach. Collinie however are only a point behind though we have a game in hand and better goal difference. Had they not lost to Druida then they wouldn't have had to spend their bye day worrying that Cuation might sneak four points clear.

A resurgent Druida are only three point behind us now and are ont he kind of form that will punishany slip up from us. Three games without a win since beating Collonie two of them draws against little teams, there is fear that Cuation are going to buckled under pressure for the second time.

2 points out of 9, a record that must be improved if they are to stay in 3rd place. Our next match is against An Archy, sitting in 6th place with their best hopes being to qualify by playoffs. A challenge that Cuation must rise too.

Swilatia

19-03-2006, 14:56

http://img48.imageshack.us/img48/2724/sbc22la.gif
Yesterday was our second bye day, but at least we did not fall lower this time. But we now need to win all our remaining matches to get on top. And that wont happen.

Oh really?? Most of the remaining teams are weak. I mean, how hard can it be to beat New Pruessen, The Footie Nightmare Team, and Rordia? Its not hard at all, as the Footie Nightmare Team was eliminated (in other words, it has no chance of qualifying), and New Pruessens only hope of Qualification is to win a playoff. This means they are bad teams and will be an easy 3 points for The Swilatian National Football team.

But hat about praying2god? they are second seeds, and that is not a good thing.

Wentland

19-03-2006, 15:58

"Hang on, Bill, you've trodden on the plug lead."

"Oh, sorry. Here you go."

Power restored just in time for the kick-off. Phew.

***

The Gleaner

The Gleaner is becoming increasingly concerned about the conduct of this so-called World Cup. There is something rotten in the state of football.

Wentland is ranked 43 in the world. It is third seed in the group. Yet it has lost to a team ranked 164 places lower that has not even turned up for matches. It has lost at home to a team ranked 74 places lower. Last night it drew away from home to a team that had a grand total of seven points and is ranked 121 places lower and whose Press has also ignored the tournament in its entirety.

Such a record of failure is beyond rational precedent. Yet again supposedly neutral refereeing conspired to rob the Swifts of vital victory. Treves had a hat-trick of disallowed efforts. Smith had a header punched off the line. The only reason the Swift goal was allowed was presumably because it was an own goal - you cannot be offside from one of those. You can however be offside when standing on the opposition goal line, which the officials managed to miss when Obsidianus got their equalizer from said individual.

Next up is Shing-Shang, who have conceded 42 goals in their 13 games. Their only points coming against Obsidianus, i.e. a team that could not beat the worst in the group manage not to lose against Wentland, and Spaam at a time when Spaamian indifference was evident and when Shing-Shang was an unknown entity. We know Shing-Shang to be a team more than willing to put the boot in, but one expects the World Cup Committee to come up with another series of events to prevent a Swift victory, perhaps another letter to manager Bluff or more moronic officiating or some random spreadsheet making up the scores and ordering The Gleaner to report what it thinks should have happened. We confidently expect a 1-1 draw or some such nonsense. Whereas logically it should be about 8-0.

***

The Demophone

OK, there were three goals disallowed. OK, there was a possible penalty. OK, there was a shout for offside for the equalizer.

But this was a game the Swifts should have won. Treves was irrepressible up front but kept breaking the Obsidianus defensive line. Following their dismantling at the hands of Starblaydia the team in yellow had been working on their offside trap and played it perfectly, if narrowly, throughout the game. There was good reason for every linesman flag for every disallowed goal. They were all tight, but understandable in the circumstances.

So why no flag for the Obsidianus equalizer? Possibly because of the melee from the corner. Seitsemästoista was indeed standing on the goal-line, but so were the Fletcher brothers. As Dorrington punched the ball clear for Itseperhe to chip back towards goal, the Fletchers did not move off the line quickly enough and Seitsemästoista stabbed the ball home. Replays suggested he might have been marginally offside but the decision was tight. Perhaps there is an argument for video replays.

Should there have been a penalty for Wentland? Smith headed a Kent cross past Saari only for it to strike a defender on the line. But was it a hand? The video replays were not conclusive and although the appeals were strong the referee was unmoved.

It is true to say the marginal decisions went against Wentland. But there should not have been a need to rely on marginal decisions. Wentland has had difficulty with the smaller teams. Priggdom (whose eight-goal mauling at home is perhaps a real reflection of their abilities, their hard-work ethic wearing them down in the latter stages of the qualifying) stole victory, Haraki went at Wentland early on and reaped the reward, now Obsidianus were treated too casually. It is imperative that Shing-Shang are treated with due respect. It is eleven against eleven at kick-off and any team can beat anybody else - one need only think of Ocmeoub's win over Nedalia for that.

***

The WFA had a jolly wheeze for the Shing-Shang match. The Shing-Shang would not be used to playing in front of big crowds at big stadia. They had been self-imploding of late. So stick them in the Warplands Stadium, perfect. And invite patrons to attend with specially discounted tickets. To encourage cheering, 10% of the entrance fee would be refunded for every goal that the Swifts scored. God knows that the Swifts needed a boost following the disaster in Obsidianus. The Gleaner was delighted, this would surely enable the Swifts to romp to a new record victory. But The Demophone was not pleased, calling it a disrespectful gimmick and bound to rile the Shing-Shang Reds.

***

A bit later, George discovered a short piece of wood with a wire wrapped around it and the words "SIRKIT JAM MER" scrawled on in purple crayola. What the heck was this?

Spruitland

19-03-2006, 16:29

Can we, like, get back on track, please?

Alright, so, what’s happening, Wabbits? Been out in the sun a bit too long? The two hours of training per day making you a bit knackered? Or are y’all not able to concentrate because of your fat bank accounts? Or do you, perhaps, enjoy the embarrasment of losing to Dance 2 Revolution, and drawing lowly ranked Nebuleux? Both of those teams are already eliminated, for chrissakes, you should be able to walk over them with your thumbs up your ass.

Though you certainly seem like you’re playing with one thumb up your ass, aren’t you, Simon Briers? You’re allowed to use your hands to stop the ball, you know, you don’t have to just stand there and watch it fly into the net. Oh, and if you do use your hands, please do it inside your own penalty area. That red card against D2R certainly didn’t help our cause.

Then again, maybe it would help if your defenders had more brain capacity than a monkey. Let me spell this out for you, Nico Van Dyck. An offside trap only works if all defenders move forward simultaneously. If one of them stays back, it kinda ruins the plan, you know.

And you, Dirk Jools, do you really think it’s enough to score a goal once in a while? How about running a bit from time to time. Sure, it might mess up your hair when you sweat a bit, but if that really concerns you so much, how about shaving it off? And I don’t care how many female fans you have in the stands behind the opponent’s goal, you really don’t have to stay that close to them. Pulling back a bit to put some pressure on the opponent’s defenders can really be useful at times, you know. And it keeps you from being offside nine times out of ten.

And how about you, mister Trouwel? Remember what it was like to pass a defender? The word ‘dribbling’ mean anything to you? Same goes for you, mister Gelmer. Thinking about retirement yet, are we? Well, if you want my advice, go for it. Right now. Plenty of young players to take your place.

It’s now or never, dear Wabbits. The only reason you’re still in second place is because the teams right behind you lost points as well. And sure, they may not have as much experience as you, they may be doing better than expected, but wouldn’t that be a reason to stay absolutely focused, instead of squandering points and letting it come down to the final matches? We do want you to qualify for the World Cup, you know, even if you’ll undoubtedly crash out bigtime in the first round yet again.

So, please, pretty please, with a strawberry spruit on top, could you whipe clean your thumbs and get back on the right track? Much appreciated.

Mr Chuck Norris

19-03-2006, 16:33

Chuck Norris News
For All Of Your Fighting Norris Coverage

Hello good Fighting Norris fans; what goes up must come down:

Mr Chuck Norris 0
The Lowland Clans 1 (Ryley Bloudin 68)

There's not too much one can say about the Fighting Norris' last match, it was clearly one massive midfield battle. Fighting Norris midfielders Zach Brickhouse, Yianni Karvo, Paper Mario, Pat Smock, and The Lowland Clans midfielders Quentin Mackallen, Phillip Konstantinoppolis, Sidney Pollack, Keefe Lavrentios, and Aleksander Kostandin all played as if they were members of a top ten ranked team. The first half didn't contain a single good charge as these midfielders skillfully attempted to move the ball downfield only to be stopped by the others. The first half expired with a nil-nil draw, much to the dismay of the fans in La Estadia De Norris.

However, the draw was broken in minute 68 when The Lowland Clans' midfielder and captain Quentin Mackallen managed to power his was through the small agile Zach Brickhouse. It didn't take long for the eager Fighting Norris defense to swarm him, causing him to pass the ball upfield to The Lowland Clans' forward Ryley Bloudin. Ryley Bloudin proceded to pass the ball by a rusty Mr. Bednarik, who had not seen action all day. The Lowland Clans were now up 1-0, which would be the final score.

----------------------------------------------------------------------------

"Right when we lost", inquires coach of the Fighting Norris Bob Janney, "I was afraid for our future. However, it was great that Allied Anime Worlds was able to pull out a win against Yafor 2. This kept Yafor 2 down at 15 points, only one point below our 16. The Lowland Clans' win tied them up with us as did TheSuncoastofFlorida's draw with Turori. Rolatia, who was on bye, didn't lose any ground in third place. Currently third through seventh place in our group have 17, 16, 16, 16, and 15 points total making them all logical options to hold that third qualification spot at the end of the qualification round. Allied Anime Worlds is also coming on strong with 11 points. Now... next week... we've got a good opportunity to take this coveted spot. First and foremost, we're at Rolatia, where we should be able to at least draw, but a win would land us at 19 points, which is what we need. Rolatia would then remian at 17. TheSuncoastofFlorida is at Yafor 2, which is a lose-lose situation for us... unless they draw, which I'm hoping for. The Belmore Family is at The Lowland Clans, which will put The Lowland Clans at 19 points and probably in the lead in this race for third place. Turori is at Liverpool England which doesn't matter to us and Allied Anime Worlds is on bye. Let me put it this way, all we need to do is win if we want to maintain fourth place and possibly capture third."

Schedule of The Fighting Norris for World Cup 27
Matchday 1: At Yafor 2 (Loss 1-2)
Matchday 2: Vs. Allied Anime Worlds (Win 4-2)
Matchday 3: Vs. TheSuncoastofFlorida (Draw 0-0)
Matchday 4: Vs. Liverpool England (Loss 2-5)
Matchday 5: At The Lowland Clans (Draw 1-1)
Matchday 6: Vs. Rolatia (Win 2-0)
Matchday 7: On Bye
Matchday 8: At The Belmore Family (Win 4-1)
Matchday 9: At Turori (Loss 1-4)
Matchday 10: Vs. Yafor 2 (Draw 2-2)
Matchday 11: At Allied Anime Worlds (Loss 2-4)
Matchday 12: At TheSuncoastofFlorida (Win 2-0)
Matchday 13: At Liverpool England (Draw 2-2)
Matchday 14: Vs. The Lowland Clans (Loss 0-1)
Matchday 15: At Rolatia
Matchday 16: On Bye
Matchday 17: Vs. The Belmore Family
Matchday 18: Vs. Turori

Fighting Norris Record: (4-4-5)

Qazox

19-03-2006, 17:29

QAZOX CITY DAILY NEWS

Qazox remains in third place, but its much tighter after a 1-1 draw with Milchama at Qazian Memorial Stadium. The sell out crowd of 79,250 was loud and rocous, but in the end, both teams came away disappointed, with numerous oppertunities lost to win. Milchama scored 1st in the 34th minute as Spot Nielson scored off the cornerkick with an awesome head-over-heels bicycle kick. The Black Oxen responded in the 41st minute as Maria Gretsky continued her great run. The rest of the match was a defensive one as neither team could get a decent shot on net and in the 77th minute, Spot Nielson acually missed on a Penalty Kick, which would have won the match for Milchama.

Tommorrow, Qazox heads to Tanah Burung, one of three teams tied for fourth place, only one point behind Qazox. A win will keep us in 3rd place, and a loss may drop us to 6th.

Today's Scores and Standings:
Group 3
Valertinette 1-4 Eauz
Dorian and Sonya 0-3 Vilita
Qazox 1-1 Milchama
Hiiraan 1-2 Elrich

Pos Team P W D L GF GA GD Pts
1 Eauz 12 10 1 1 39 6 33 31
2 Vilita 12 10 1 1 35 10 25 31
3 Qazox 13 5 2 6 13 15 -2 17
4 Tanah Burung 12 5 1 6 17 19 -2 16
5 Milchama 12 4 4 4 18 22 -4 16
6 Elrich 12 5 1 6 16 22 -6 16
7 Hiiraan 13 3 4 6 10 15 -5 13
8 Dorian and Sonya 13 3 2 8 11 28 -17 11
9 Valertinette 13 2 2 9 9 31 -22 8

Qazox's Qualifing Schedule

Match Day One--@ Elrich LOST 0-3
Match Day Two--Vs. Hiiraan LOST 0-1 at Fromburg Field, Fromburg: Attendence: 17,000
Match Day Three--Vs. Dorian and Sonya WON 2-0 at Estadia Pika, Pika City: Attendence: 77,988.
Match Day Four--Vs. Eauz LOST 0-1 at SaxerDome, Saxervilla: Attendence: 85,000.
Match Day Five-- @ Milchama WON 4-2
Match Day Six--Vs. Tanah Burung LOST 0-1 at SaxerDome, Saxervilla: Attendance: 42,000.
Match Day Seven--Exhibition vs. Graverville(QFL Champion) WON 5-0 at Qazian Memorial Stadium, Qazox City: Attendence: 79,250.
Match Day Eight--@ Valertinette WON 2-1
Match Day Nine--@ Vilita Draw 2-2
Match Day Ten--Vs. Elrich WON 1-0 at Rockport Field at Harborside, Rockport: Attendance: 71,200.
Match Day Eleven--@ Hiiraan LOST 0-1
Match Day Twelve--@ Dorian and Sonya WON 1-0
Match Day Thirteen--@ Eauz LOST 0-2
Match Day Fourteen--Vs. Milchama Draw 1-1 at Qazian Memorial Stadium, Qazox City: Attendence: 79,250.
Match Day Fifeeen--@ Tanah Burung
Match Day Sixteen--BYE
Match Day Seventeen--Vs. Valertinette at Fromburg Field, Fromburg: Capacity:78,963.
Match Day Eighteen-- Vs. Vilita at Qazian Memorial Stadium, Qazox City: Capacity: 79,250.

(ooc-hope your Dad is doing well FMJ)

Tynelia

19-03-2006, 18:15

<a deafening roar is heard in the background as Tynelian Soocer Weekly’s opening credits are played over a camera shot coming from the Presidential Coliseum where Tynelian fans are swarming the field and a loud chant of TY-NE-LI-A! <clap, clap…clap,clap,clap> TY-NE-LI-A! echos everywhere. The camera zooms in on Dana Lee who seems to be having some problem hearing anything from her ear mike>
“Hello everyone this is Dana Lee live from the Presidential Coliseum where the biggest win in Tynelian Soccer history has just concluded! Going up against a Nanakaland team that had all but clinched a playoff spot in muddy rainy conditions, Tynelia pulled off its most shocking win yet. After coming so close with ties against the Weegies and the Kazoo Peoples, Tynelia finally took the next step and shutout the favored Nanakaland squad by a 1-0 score.

“We’ll be getting back to Sal and Anna in just a minute but I see Coach O’Meara is heading this way. Coach! Coach! Do you have second?”

A jubilant Coach O’Meara comes over “Sure Dana, what a game today!”

“Indeed, Tynelia’s first win in the tournament against a higher seeded team. How does it feel to finally break through after coming so close lately?”

“It feels great Dana, these men and women out here have played their hearts out these past couple of weeks but always seemed to come up just a little short against the top teams. To finally pull one out, against a team that has been playing so well is great. I just really wish now that we had started out a bit better because I think right now this is a team no one wants to play. There’s always the Cup of Harmony I guess but for now we want fourth.”

“And this win really helps you out there. Now how about Amy Whiteworth’s play today. Some questioned whether it was a smart move to have her in this game considering she hadn’t played any of the top teams to date. But I guess she answered those questions pretty emphatically today.”

“Amy played her heart out today and everyone in the stadium could feel it too. She wanted this win badly and earned it. At the end of the game there when the fans got behind her, I’ve never seen anything like it in all the years I’ve been involved in soccer. This has to be a classic moment in Tynelian sports history.”

“I was going to ask if you’ve ever seen an outpouring of emotion like that because I know I didn’t. And that really seemed to pick the whole team up at the same time.”

“Definitely Dana, no one out there wanted to be the one to make the mistake that would cost her the shutout. People were sacrificing their bodies diving for any loose ball. It was amazing.”

“Ok thanks coach. I’ll let you get back to the celebration now. Thanks for your time.”

“Anytime Dana, especially after games like today.”

“Now for those who may have missed it here’s the footage we were talking about. And then its back to Sal and Anna at the studio.”

<footage begins to roll at the 12 minutes remaining mark of the game. Nanakaland had been pressing the attack for several minutes and the Tynelian defenders looked tired. Everyone sensed that it was just a matter of time before the tying goal was allowed. A Nanakaland player fires a shot towards the far corner and Amy Whiteworth dives face first onto the muddy field adding to her mud covered uniform’s collection of dirt and barely gets a hand on the shot knocking it just wide of the net.

<Nanakaland prepares for a corner kick when a faint chant begins behind the Tynelian net. The corner kick is fired into the center of the field where a Nanakaland player heads it wide of the net. At this point the chant has gotten louder and can clearly be heard over television sets across Tynelia. “SHUT ‘EM OUT AMY! SHUT ‘EM OUT!” <clap, clap> SHUT ‘EM OUT AMY! SHUT ‘EM OUT! <clap, clap>. Within minutes the entire crowd is on its feet yelling the chant out as loudly as they can. They remain on their feet the rest of the game chanting, pausing only to cheer widely whenever the ball is cleared downfield or Whiteworth makes another save.

<The whistle finally blows ending the game as a tired muddy Amy Whiteworth suddenly finds herself swarmed under by her equally muddy teammates as the Tynelian bench empties and pours onto the field to join in. The crowd goes nuts chanting and hugging each other after the amazing effort. Finally the pile around the net breaks up and suddenly teary eyed Whiteworth finds herself hoisted up onto the shoulders of Vladimar Malloy and Jay Masterson who carry her off the field to a raucous standing ovation from the crowd>

“Amazing, Dana. We finally got the big one. This is Sal Spikeman and Anna Dalespin back to the studio and I’ve never seen as emotional a win as what just occurred here. Amy Whiteworth just shut down a Nanakaland team that hadn’t lost to anyone but the top two seeds the whole time. And your call was right on about the conditions favoring Tynelia.”

“Yes Sal, bad conditions on an unfamiliar field probably played a large role in this upset as Tynelia looked far more comfortable out there until the final assault at the end. Amy Whiteworth has probably just found her way into the newest Tynelian sports legendary feats with this effort. I think she wanted to show that she could do more than just play the mop up teams and she did so with authority. And what a show of team spirit and sportsmanship by Vladimar Malloy who may have lost his starting job after this performance, being the one to hoist her in the air and help carry her off the field showing that he was more happy for his teammate than he was concerned with his own role.”

“That’s true Anna, it will be interesting to see who will get the start now in the last three games. Amy has shown she can play with anyone and Vladimar had had a bit of trouble in his last two games. Coach O’Meara will have a tough decision to make.”

“Well I still think both will be playing at least one game after the bye. We’ll know for sure tomorrow when Coach O’Meara announces his starter for the Algal States game. I think that if its Amy then Vladimar will be starting the Total n Utter Insanity game but don’t be surprised if O’Meara decides to flip flop this and let the hot hand go up against the top seed as Amy has yet to surrender a goal in the three games she’s played so far.”

“This win is a huge one in the battle for the fourth spot. Risa-Aramour continues to hang around with 13 points after tying the Kazoo Peoples 2-2. The Kazoo Peoples continue to hold the fourth spot but are only a point ahead of Tynelia. The Weegies were off and now find themselves one point behind Tynelia. However both those teams can make up some ground with Tynelia being on bye this next game. The Kazoo People should win their match against New Chakovnia while the Weegies have a bit of a tougher road against Risa-Aramour. Bettia and Total n Utter Insanity continued their domination, Bettia crushing the Algal States 6-0 which makes lots of Tynelians not feel so bad about the 3-0 lost they just had. Total n Utter Insanity took apart the cellar dwelling New Chakovnia by a 4-1 score.”

“As for Tynelia’s game, the conditions really limited the shooting attack of both teams. Nanakaland held a 13-11 shot edge but quality shots were even at 3 each. The lone goal was scored at the 22 minute mark of the first half as the teammates Brian Kenders and Jay Masterson combined for a nice breakaway that ended in the lone goal of the game. Nanakaland was held to only four shots in the first half as they struggled early in the muddy conditions before making a push in the second half. Time of possession favored Nanakaland by three and a half minutes. Now with the bye coming up is this a bad time for it do you think Anna? Will the emotion wear off by the time they take the field again?”

“Well there are two schools of thought on that Sal. One says they should keep playing to keep the emotion levels high and ride that wave of adrenaline. The other says, the time off will let them settle back down and be more able to play their own game. Personally I’d just as soon keep playing. Tynelia’s been on a roll since the last bye and it’s a shame to slow it up like this.”

“Yes Anna, Tynelia’s now 3-3-2 since their first bye with the only losses coming to the top two seeds. Had they started the tournament out like this they might still be alive for a playoff spot instead of trying to steal fourth. They were also a bit unlucky with the draw. In several other groups 16 points would still have them in the hunt for a qualifying spot but with the big three here so dominant in the first half Tynelia really had no chance at catching them in the second half.”

“So how do you like Tynelia’s chances the rest of the way?”

“Well they need to get four points to achieve Coach O’Meara’s goal of twenty points in the round. On paper the next two games against the Algal States and Total n Utter Insanity look to be a wash. One win, one loss. The interesting one will be the finale against the Kazoo peoples. The way things are right now, that game could very well determine who gets fourth place. While finishing fourth would be a disappointment to the third seeded Kazoo Peoples, it would be a great finish for sixth seed Tynelia. If I had to guess right now that being at home and fired up for the hopes of finishing above their seed might just be the difference against a Kazoo Peoples team that just might be finishing up the string after a disappointing tournament. All Tynelia needs to do is go 1-1-1 and I think that is well within the realm of possibility.”

“OK then Anna, Tynelia hits its goals according to Anna. With no game tomorrow there’s no need to check on the weather reports so Harmonie Harris has been given the night off. We’ll be back tomorrow for an abbreviated version of the show to cover the action during Tynelia’s bye and then back with our regular show after the match against the Algal States. Until then this is Sal Spikeman for Anna Dalespin wishing everyone a good night.”

<credits roll over the footage of the crowd yelling the “SHUT ‘EM OUT AMY!” chant and ends with a still of Amy Whiteworth on the shoulders of Vladimar Malloy and Jay Masterson with her arms raised in triumph>

Elrich

19-03-2006, 19:13

12pm - Dave Dodds stood in the centre-circle of the empty Elrich Arena and marvelled at the flood-lit 80,000 empty seats. This wasn't right. Hands in pockets he thought of the events of the last month. Where was Mike? Was he alive? Even the news crews had grown tired of the missing man - instead focusing on the failings of the current man in charge.

It was odd being the centre of attention. Dodds had always been the right-hand man, and he wasn't enjoying his new role. Thrown into the chaos of international management Dodds had struggled. A series of awful results had seen the Badgers slip down the table, and Dodds receive alot of international stick. But still, somehow, despite this Elrich were still in with a chance of the playoffs. A chance to do what no other badgers side had ever done.

Dave had made his decision. He wasn't the man to take Elrich to the World Cup. There was only one man other than Bassett with the charisma, passion and pedigree to do that. Dave took one last look around the famous stadium. Nice to go out on a win though, eh.

Audioslavia

19-03-2006, 19:18

http://www.geocities.com/lifeobrien/bull.txt
SIX-NIL
Record equalling score, and record equalling goals without reply. Record extending winning streak, Record extending qualifying run, Record breaking goals by one player in a qualifying tournament, record breaking goals by one player in one game, record breaking away win. How on earth are the 'slaves putting this together?

With an almighty six-nil away win over Ocmeoub, Audioslavia set about beating almost every single national record there is. Not since World Cup Six (against Iuthia) and World Cup 16 (against Adrasuvare) have the 'slaves won a match by such a margin, and not since... ever... have the 'slaves had such a big away win.

Arturo Vitalis' five goals is also a record breaking haul, with no player scoring more than a hat-trick in the 'slaves history.

Vitalis opened his account after just forty-three seconds, picking the ball up in acres of space on the edge of the area and raking his low shot past the goalie. By half-time the 'slaves were three ahead, with both goals coming from set-pieces. A tenth minute free-kick was chipped over the wall by Janne Jarnefelt and into the path of Vitalis, who leapt forward and swept the ball into the roof of the net with an outstretched left foot. Vitalis' hat-trick would be complete just before the half-hour mark after being put through by a low, perfectly placed diagonal ball by Fiori and scooping it over the advancing goalie and in.

It would, however, take Arturo Vitalis another forty minutes to bag his other two goals. In a slower paced second half, the 'slaves absorbed some pressure from the Ocmeoub side, defending resoloutely in a period which saw Ocmeoub win six corners almost in consecutively, with Gunnar Yngve making a couple of fine saves to keep his clean sheet record. After the sixth corner, the 'slaves employed their counter attack, the type honed by decades of fine tuning. Fiori, on picking up the ball, sprinted past his opposite number and played a high, early cross accross the park to Polsson who nodded the ball down to Vitalis. Vitalis held it up and waited for Pollsson to run, which he did. An expertly timed through ball was complimented by an equally adept finish into the bottom corner, and the 'slaves were four nil up against the group's bottom team.

Credit has to go to the home fans who never gave up and kept supporting their side to the end. Whether this inspired the home side to having a couple more good opportunities is debatable, but either way it just couldn't help them against an Audioslavia side in the form of their lives. Vitalis would finally make it five-nil on eighty-six minutes with a curling effort into the top corner from just inside the corner of the penalty area, and a crisp finish from seven yards would get him his fifth goal in injury time to round off a fantastic performance by Audioslavia.

FINAL SCORE
Ocmeoub 0
Audioslavia 6 (Vitalis 1, 10, 28, 86, 90. Polsson 64)

Pos Team P W D L GF GA GD Pts
1 Audioslavia 12 12 0 0 34 6 28 36
2 Commerce Heights 12 8 2 2 29 9 20 26
3 Kelse 13 6 3 4 22 22 0 21
4 Chicanada 12 6 1 5 18 13 5 19
5 Ariddia 12 4 3 5 20 21 -1 15
6 Nedalia 12 4 3 5 22 27 -5 15
7 Berner Street 13 3 3 7 13 28 -15 12
8 Pedriana 13 3 2 8 11 21 -10 11
9 Ocmeoub 13 1 1 11 11 33 -22 4

The 'slaves, who have already qualified for World Cup 27, remain on top of the table with that win, and remain ten points clear of Commerce Heights who have all but progressed themselves, and who scored an equally impressive win five nil over Berner Street. The real battle is for the playoff spot, and it looks as though that will now be fought between just two sides. Nedalia desperately needed a good performance away to Pedriana, but could only manage a three-two defeat. They now sit six points behind Kelse in third, and it seems only a miracle can save them now. Ariddia also look out of it. They didn't play this weekend, but find themselves in a similar position to Nedalia. As for the Chicanada and Kelse, their match on the weekend was arguably the most exciting match of the qualifiers. The game was end to end before Kelse's winner got them the three points they needed to give themselves a two point advantage over their rivals. Kelse will spend the next matchday in front of the television, desperately wanting Berner Street to upset the Chicanadan team in Chicanada.

Nedalia and Ariddia have home matches against the group's bottom two teams, and will be looking to start their miracle run which may, but probably won't, give them a chance of qualifying.

For Audioslavia its a top of the table clash with Commerce Heights. The 'slaves have a good record against the Bulldogs, their most notable results against CH being a 3-0 win, a 4-3 scoreline in the semis of World Cup 12, and the 2-0 away victory last year. Audioslavia will be favourites, but you can never write off Commerce Heights.

As well as chasing a 100% record in qualifying, Audioslavia will also be chasing Sarzonia's record. Sarzonia is the only team to have a better record than the 'slaves. Both sides have won all their matches, but Sarzonia have done it by scoring ten more goals and conceding one fewer.

Either way, the 'slaves are certain of a place in Bedistan of FMJPhoenix in next year's World Cup, and can afford to think ahead to just how they are going to mount an effective challenge for the trophy that has eluded them on so many previous occasions.

I've been Jeremy Jaffacake, g'nite bitches.

Dorian and Sonya

19-03-2006, 19:57

Vilita Avenges Only Loss

Queen Sonya sat in Elanesse Tulcokelume ready to watch the rematch with a powerful squad from Vilita. And it was apparent from the very beginning that Vilita would not allow the Unicorn to repeat what has been the Vilitans only loss of the qualifiers thus far.

90 minutes of action saw the Unicorns get dominated in every aspect of the match and it was a very dejected squad from Dorian and Sonya that left the field and headed back to their homes. A meager 4 legitimate chances only resulted with one real shot on goal, and that was easily handled by the Vilitan keeper. On defense the inexperience really showed through. The Unicorn’s young players looked just that - very young. Queen Sonya had known this would happen. Now came the task of getting the girls to regroup for their next match.

And that next match would be a trip to Elrich, a squad they had lost to on MD6. Extra time would be spent in practice with the midfield in preparation for this one. The Unicorns had to find a way to control the middle of the pitch and take some pressure off of the struggling defense. And controlling the middle would also open up some chances on the attack as well.

Group 3 has turned into a two horse race with Eauz leading Vilita only on Goal Difference. Then comes the large gap back to Qazox who are desperately clinging to third ahead of Tanah Burung, Milchama, and Elrich by a single point.

The Ghost squad from Hiiraan and the Mystical Unicorns are in no-man’s-land just waiting for the official news they are out of contention. Vlertinnette continues to rank at the bottom of the group.

Kelse

19-03-2006, 20:17

Kelse Wins + New Mascot!
Saint-Monica Nautique

Saint-Monica, KEL - The Kelsian National Football Team has done it again, this time topping rivals Chicanada 3-2 to win the game at home! The game was set against the backdrop of a record-breaking crowd at Stade Du Pacifique, over 40,000! Standing room was made available, however, more than 20,000 fans packed the area surrounding the stadium, who watched outside on their portable televisions. The win brings the Kelsians ack to the 3rd position, ahead of the 4th position, Chicanada with a 2-point differential.

The game started with a bang, as the Chicanadans' were eager to score early in the game. Chicanadan forwards Olani Pjan and Paris Ollian were on the attack, having great opportunities in the 7th, 12th, and finally in the 16th minute, were an assist from Pjan got the ball to Ollian directly in front of the goal, who kicked one into the back of the next. The Kelsians rebounded quickly, and after an attempt in the 23rd leading to a corner kick, a header from Julio Espinoza went past Chicanadas Levison to make the score even, 1-1. From then on, the ball was pack and forth, with the mid-fielders of both sides getting lots of action. A fast break from Laurenec Ashley however, got the ball to Pjan, who scored to give the Chicanadans a lead, 2-1, in the 36th minute. A few quick minutes, and Kelse was at it again, this time however it was Mateo Ferraro with a kick from the box that tied the game up once again, 2-2, in the 42nd minute of play. At half time, up-and-coming band Mélange performed, and after a quick clean up of their stage, the game was back on.

The next half sort-of dragged on, with no one really making any attempts to get the ball clear into the net. A few here and there, but nothing really until the 72nd minute, when Ollian got the ball and kicked one past goalkeeper Alfonso Alvarez, only to hit the post. The ball stayed in play and was picked up by Pilot Scantrelli, who made it to mid-field to make a pass to forward Julio Espinoza. Espinoza took off and ran with it, passing the Chicanadan defenders swiftly. He was going, getting closer, going, going faster, and... GOAL! Espinzoa nicked one into the back of the net to make it 3-2. Afterwards, the Chicanadans tried to rebound, however, it was too late and after 2 minutes of extra play, Kelse had won, 3-2.

The win gives Kelse three points and puts them at qualifying position 3 in their group, ahead of rivals Ariddia, Chicanada, and Nedalia yet still behind Commerce Heights and the unbeatable Audioslavia, who are undefeated after coming off a 6-0 win against Ocmeuob. Kelse will have their off-day next, however they will come back to play Berner Street to hopefully gain another 3 points. As for the new mascot, it has been decided to be changed from the Mariners to the Red Foxes. The name is derived from the sneaky red fox who snuck past an unsuspecting stadium worker to than wreak havoc behind a concession stand. No one was hurt in the incident, and the Fox was found in the home teams locker room.

That's it from the WC 27 Qualifying Matches, and until next time, go Foxes!

Andossa Se Mitrin Vega

19-03-2006, 20:32

http://i14.photobucket.com/albums/a318/stormgiantxxxl/ASMVFNN.jpg

Sea Dragons Cling To 3rd

This is Kellan Kildan reporting live from Bequeleria,

The Sea Dragons have been in a huge slump as the curse has once again resurfaced for the squad. 3 consecutive losses have seen the slide from 2nd in group 11 to a very distant third and fighting to hold onto it. The biggest challenge was coming from Bequeleria and the match today was on their pitch.

The match was highly contested as both sides brought their defenses in top form. The Sea Dragons relocated the physical defense that they were known for but the Bequelerian side match that physical style hit for hit. And this one would end with both sides bruised and worn out in a 1-1 draw.

The score from ASMV came in the 66th minute when Micah James eased past the defender who seemed too worried over Alexander, Iglesias, and Evans. No one saw James until it was too late and a great shot beat the Bequelerian keeper who was completely out of position. Sometimes it is better to be the forgotten man in the match.

Next up for ASMV is a rematch with the Squids of Georgeonia at Stadii Se Draggonnii Arcea. The Sea Dragons need to take care of business in this one and put some distance between them and Bequeleria on the table. After that one, the schedule get really tough for ASMV. Playing host to Tadjikistan then traveling to Giant Zucchini and Pastorville. It will take some great play for the Sea Dragons to hold onto that coveted third position.

On another note, we at ASMV FNN would like to let those in the nation of Kelse know that we are disappointed in the name change they have chosen. Red Foxes just doesnt sound right. The Mariners was a much better name for the squad. We hope that if they persist in thinking they need a new name, something better than Red Foxes will surface.

Wentland

19-03-2006, 21:02

"Time for a quick word with Edgar Bluff before the teams go out. Edgar, what's the plan for today?"

"Attack, attack, attack. I am not even concerned about conceding. We just need to score more than them. So I've gone with a more pushy formation. Okey is back at right back because he attacks more. James on the right wing.

"I'm putting Steve Moon in at centre-half for Gus Jenkins. I want to have him play alongside Jones and get some experience there. And Barnes will go up front with Treves - the Shing-Shang team is not blessed with tall defenders so we don't need Tiny on the end of crosses.

"Weston will play in a more advanced midfield role, we've almost gone for a diamond in the middle with Cap in front of the back 4. He has the nous to sort things out.

"And of course we have Hoppo and Blakey on the bench if there's any nasty stuff from the opposition, like away from home."

"Best of luck, better get out there."

The Warplands Stadium was chock full, 60,000 filling the biggest stadium in Wentland all hoping for a big score, not least to get a refund from the WFA. The WFA itself was groaning at the prospect of a few goals...the perfect score for them would be a 1-0 win. Most of the money and 3 points.

Shing-Shang had as expected gone ultra-defensive, some recent thrashings having persuaded them to go back into their metaphorical shells. Bluff looked aghast as they lined up..."I could have gone 2-3-5..."

Sarzonia

19-03-2006, 21:07

Stars stretch perfect streak to 12

March 18, 2006 (ASP) -- Even though the Sarzonian national football team played what Coach Dave Wilson called "their worst match of football since this World Cup qualifying effort began," the Stars still won. Sarzonia didn't dent the back of the net until 70 minutes passed in the match and one of the two goals was an own goal. But this Stars team will take the 0:2 result and prepare for Krytenia's visit to Woodstock.

Sarzonia's lead over second place Krytenia extended to nine points courtesy of bottom feeder Rorysville holding the Aces at home 2-2 in a match where some observers suggested the Aces were looking past Rorysville to their match against the Stars.

"We know they consider us a big rival," forward Kevin Wilson (the only Stars player to score against Revived Constantinople) said. "We know they're going to be amped up to play the match in Woodstock in front of 60,000-plus screaming fans. Even though they've all but wrapped up an outright trip to the finals, we know they're going to come in swinging."

For the Stars, the match against Revived Constantinople gave Dave Wilson a last chance to see Aaron Lee in the nets and a chance for his depth players to get significant minutes. But after a listless 45 minutes and a furious halftime speech, Wilson made his allotted three substitutions to get midfielder Jenna Raven, Kevin Wilson, and defender Mike Cole into the match. They immediately turned the match around by forcing Revived Constantinople into their defensive end of the pitch, but couldn't convert until a critical mistake by the team's right back gave Sarzonia the 0:1.

He tried to clear the ball back to his goalkeeper, whose nine saves thoroughly frustrated Sarzonia's forward corps, but instead of calmly sliding the ball back to the 'keeper, he kicked with his toe and the ball jumped past the startled keeper into the net. The goal seemed to discourage Revived Constantinople, which then conceded Kevin Wilson's goal seven minutes later.

"We did not play well at all," Raven said. "We're going to have to get a lot better than that against Krytenia, especially playing at home. Otherwise, we're going to have to work a lot harder between now and when the World Cup Finals actually begin."

Even if Sarzonia were guilty of looking past Revived Constantinople, a team with still an outside shot at a playoff berth, the Stars learned to suck it up and do what they had to to win. That determination is about to get its sternest test against Krytenia, most players say.

"It's a rivalry game for them and it's a test for us," Kevin Wilson said. "If we can get three points, we'll have done well. If we lose the match, we'll have ourselves a little adversity to overcome. Perhaps that might be a good thing," he said. "The [Bedistan] Lions went undefeated in one World Cup qualifying campaign and lost in the Round of 16 if I remember correctly. We want to make sure we don't lose any momentum."

Milchama

19-03-2006, 21:35

Chi Sun-Times-Tribune-Domestic-International-Star-News-Today

Sports Section

Milchama get draw against Ox people, need win against Elrich

Its crunch time now for Milchama. With only 4 games left the Warriors need to put together a string of victories to get into the third position in their group which would get them into the playoffs and a chance at getting to the World Cup. The last two games though have been dissapointments for the Warriors as they drew both Tanah Burung and Qasox to stay in 5th place, one point back with one game in hand. The Warriors need wins over Elrich, Valertinette, and Hiiraan and a draw against Vilita to secure third. While other scenarios could potentially get the Warriors in we like ideal situations and that would be ideal. Coach Jamie Smith said, "Wins are more important now than ever. A couple of wins against these lower teams and we would be in guaranteed. I know we can beat Elrich and Valertinette. We clearly have the talent to tie if not beat Vilita considering we tied Eauz. And Hiiraan are already eliminated so clearly we can beat them. This means that we have the best chance of the three fighting it out to make that third spot. A couple of wins and we're in, I guarantee it."

[NS]Bazalonia

19-03-2006, 22:21

"Draw!" by Nev Gould

It sounded like a traditional western, Rordia and Bazalonia facing of at high-noon. But it wasn't Rordia came to Fauxhan, home of the TeleBaz Stadium. However this was not a western and TeleBaz stadium is not the wild west. This match ended up in a draw. James Kantwell scored the goal for the Bazalopes in the 24th minute taking an early lead. However no one managed to extend that lead or even score another goal. Rordia did manage how ever they equalised the goal late in the 1st half.

Dreams of the play-off spot for the World Cup are still alive. Will the Bazalopes make it to the World Cup in their second attempt? Only time will tell.

Atheistic Right

19-03-2006, 22:39

<The TV once again showed the logo and played the theme music of ARFA Sports - Your Strongest Sports News Around. It cut to a darkened studio that was lighted to reveal Charles and Darwin at their desk.>

"Welcome to ARFA Sports - Your Strongest Sports News Around. I'm Charles." - Charles

"And I am Darwin, Welcome to the Coverage of Matchday number 14 of the World Cup. Before we do that though theres some other interesting news" - Darwin

"Yes Darwin, as people may no after his loss 4-0 to Jerusalem, Tortoise had resigned from being the Archeopteri's coach and has returned to just being the defender." - Charles

"This leaves the coach spot wide open. Who have ARFA choosen to replace the resigned Tortoise?" - Darwin

"ARFA has choosen Cheetah as Tortoises replacement. Cheetah has been known to favour quick raids into enemy territory. It seems this tactic had paid off. with a 3-1 whopping of fellow Atheists Druida." -Charles

"it seems our Archeopteri where just to well adapted to Natural Stadium for Druida. This is our first win of the World Cup, we had many draws but this is our first win." - Darwin

"Unfortunately due to a scheduling issue that is where we going to have to leave it. The Final score was 3-1. I'm Charles." - Charles

"And I am Darwin. Remeber ARFA Sports - Your Strongest Sports News Around. Goodnight" - Darwin

Tadjikistan

19-03-2006, 23:29

Revenge
By Simon Grinchik, part time sportsjournalist

Tadjikistans shameful draw from MD5 was erased as a superb Tadjikistan squashed the defense of Emperor Pudu and scored 4 goals. The Tigers are now, 3 points and one matchday away from qualification.

'I looked at the tapes from the previous match against Emperor Pudu and learned a great deal from what Micael Pliiev told me, this knowledge allowed me revise our tactics for this match. Thats the main reason we were superior, well, that and an excellent team of players. It seems we had to do bad to become good.' Alexander Zaev explained 'The Dominion is offensive until they score a goal, then they put everything on the defense. But a team with 5 defenders isnt exactly useful for such a strategy. We defeated the opponent with his own weapons by defending early on and rushing forward whenever we could take the ball from them.'

Lovisa, in the meantime, visited Georgonia and returned home with three points and a ticket to the World Cup. The Tigers are close to securing their ticket but they'll have to win against the Lovisans. According to Zaev, that wouldnt be much of a problem: 'I'm simply going to check our away match in Lovisa to see what we did wrong. I'm certain we can beat them. Especially with the help of a mostly Tadjik audience.'

Emperor Pudu - 0
-
Tadjikistan - 4
Saradov '28, Pliiev '40, Zyrianov '52, Kornilov '78

Pos Team P W D L GF GA GD Pts
1 Lovisa 12 9 2 1 34 8 26 29
2 Tadjikistan 12 8 3 1 33 7 26 27
3 Andossa Se Mitrin Vega 12 5 2 5 15 22 -7 17
4 Becquerelia 13 3 7 3 11 11 0 16
5 Emporer Pudu 13 3 5 5 11 21 -10 14
6 Pastorville 12 4 1 7 7 13 -6 13
7 Georgeonia 13 3 4 6 10 19 -9 13
8 Giant Zucchini 12 3 3 6 18 20 -2 12
9 Green wombat 13 3 3 7 14 32 -18 12

Fixtures:
MD1: Stay home, do nothing
MD2: Giant Zucchini - Tadjikistan W 1-3
MD3: Tadjikistan - Pastorville W 2-0
MD4: Green Wombat - Tadjikistan W 0-4
MD5: Tadjikistan - Emperor Pudu D 1-1
MD6: Lovisa - Tadjikistan L 2-1
MD7: Tadjikistan - Andossa Se Mitrin Vega W 3-0
MD8: Becquerelia - Tadjikistan D 1-1
MD9: Tadjikistan - Georgonia D 1-1
MD10: Stay home again, do nothing
MD11: Tadjikistan - Giant Zucchini W 3-1
MD12: Pastorville - Tadjikistan W 0-4
MD13: Tadjikistan - Green Wombat W 6-0
MD14: Emperor Pudu - Tadjikistan W 0-4
MD15: Tadjikistan - Lovisa
MD16: Andossa se Mitrin Vega - Tadjikistan
MD17: Tadjikistan - Becquerelia
MD18: Georgonia - Tadjikistan

Tadjik Goalscorers:
Zyrianov - 9
Tulberdiev - 7
Saradov - 7
Pliiev - 3
Kirponos - 2
Kornilov - 2
Priore - 1
Gurchev - 1
Zverev - 1

The Archregimancy

20-03-2006, 00:23

Somewhere deep in the Archregimancy:

Memorandum

To: Preussiche Welle, English Language Service, New Preussen News

From: The Monastic Football Association

RE: The use of dream simulacra in World Cup Qualifiers

Dear Sirs,

While we realise that your nation is no doubt still upset at only losing to the Archregimancy through a last-minute stoppage time penalty converted by Fr. David the Water-Drinker, we would nonetheless like to address some of the concerns raised by your organisation.

You seem unaware of the fact that there is ample precedent for the use of dream simulacra in World Cup history. From certain references in your organisation's news report, your nation does appear to be well aware of some of the more unusual teams and players that have been fielded by various nations over the years. These include green-skinned anthropomorphic vegetables, goats, bipedal apes, androids, werewolves, and the souls of the damned. One team has even entered an 'Alan Shearer' - the mind boggles at such careless use of evil. At least one official also swears that a team of skeletal undead entered one of the first three World Cups, but records on this matter are sketchy. And have you looked at the Dorian and Sonya squad recently?

From this perspective, a team of dream simulacra is surely nothing unusual. However, there is ample precedent for the use of oneirology (dream technology) dating back to the very earliest years of the World Cup:

1) World Cup 2 was held in the Dreamed Realm, meaning that every participating nation engaged with oneirology on a daily basis. More to the point, the hosts (the Holy Empire of Alasdair I Frosticus) didn't make it past the quarter-finals, strongly indicating that no advantage is given through the use of said technology.

2) The then-penniless nation of Tanah Burung had its entire kit dreamed into existence for each player during World Cup 2 so that it could participate in the tournament. Neither the players nor the nation suffered any ill-effects.

3) Following the plague that decimated the squad immediately before WC25, the Holy Empire entered a team of 10 dream simulacra of World Cup Hall of Fame member Juan Tzimisces and a single human goalkeeper into Cup of Harmony 17. Thus dream simulacra have already been used outside the Dreamed Realm in an officially-sanctioned WCC event.

Furthermore, your organisation seems to have a misconception over how oneirology-based technology works. This is not some sort of computer software, but rather projections of the imaginary substance of dreams temporarily given form in ordinary reality through the mental power of a team of dreaming monks. Because they are dreaming simulacra of real people, it is inherent in the technology that those simulacra have the precise abilities - no better or worse - than the real people being simulated. Therefore no cheating occurs either inside or outside the Archregimancy.

We concede your surprisingly coherent theological point that monks "-are- human and hence fallible". No, we are claiming that the monks dreaming the team are above sin. Each and every monastic oneirologist would concede that they are by definition a sinner. However, there are two further points to note here:

1) As stated above, it is inherent in the technology used that dream simulacra of real people must through the very nature of that technology perform precisely the same as the real people simulated. Thus there is no temptation. We would be happy for oneirologists in a neutral nation to inspect the technology should this remain a point of concern.

2) Your recourse to a citation of the doctrine of original sin is arguably heretical:
In the Orthodox Faith, the term "original sin" refers to the "first" sin of Adam and Eve. As a result of this sin, humanity bears the "consequences" of sin, the chief of which is death. Here the word "original" may be seen as synonymous with "first." Hence, the "original sin" refers to the "first sin" in much the same way as "original chair" refers to the "first chair."

In the West, humanity likewise bears the "consequences" of the "original sin" of Adam and Eve. However, the West also understands that humanity is likewise "guilty" of the sin of Adam and Eve. The term "Original Sin" here refers to the condition into which humanity is born, a condition in which guilt as well as consequence is involved.

In the Orthodox Christian understanding, while humanity does bear the consequences of the original, or first, sin, humanity does not bear the personal guilt associated with this sin. Adam and Eve are guilty of their willful action; we bear the consequences, chief of which is death.

One might look at all of this in a completely different light. Imagine, if you will, that one of your close relatives was a mass murderer. He committed many serious crimes for which he was found guilty and perhaps even admitted his guilt publicly. You, as his or her son or brother or cousin, may very well bear the consequences of his action - people may shy away from you or say, "Watch out for him - he comes from a family of mass murderers." Your name may be tainted, or you may face some other forms of discrimination as a consequence of your relative’s sin. You, however, are not personally guilty of his or her sin.

We hope that this clarifies matters for you.

Yours in Christ,

The Monastic Football Association.

[OOC: Credit: Section in garamond font quoted from the web page of the Orthodox Church in America: http://www.oca.org/QA.asp?ID=4&SID=3]
____________________________________________________

Memorandum

To: Cuation

From: The Monastic Football Association

RE: Cheating Monks

Dear Sirs,

We don't what we've done for you to be convinced that A) monks cheat or B) the Holy Synod and/or the MFA is bribing referees in your matches. However, we would draw your attention to the fact that the jocular reference of an anonymous senior archimandrite to the possibility that Copts cheat is in no way remotely an admission that the monks of the Archregimancy cheat in any way, shape, or form. As I'm sure you're aware, Copts are non-Chalcedonian Monophysites, and have thus been in schism with the main body of the Orthodox Church since the 5th century. While recently there have been fruitful discussions on ending this wound to the body of the Church, you are no doubt aware that many Orthodox believe - perhaps unfairly - that Copts still follow the non-Chalcedonian doctrine that Christ had a single nature that was simultaneously human and divine, as opposed to the Orthodox doctrine that Christ had two separate natures - human and divine - united in a single person. Why this distinction isn't clearer to more people completely escapes us.

Yours in Christ,

The Monastic Football Association

Chicanada

20-03-2006, 01:11

SPECIAL EDITION

Chicanada Daily Rabbler
Home to Kodiak and Snow Leopard News

The Axe Falls
CSF, CFA officially yank Kodiaks out, Starting #28

Eastentown - Call them the Dead Men (and Woman) Walking.

After suffering a second consecutive defeat at the hands of unknown, unherald, and yet BOUND FOR THE TOURNAMENT Kelse, the Chicanadan FA and Chicanadan Sports Federation, off the recommendation of the Colonial Assembly, signed the Do-Or-Die Communique into law, officially meaning the Kodiaks are done on the World Cup stage.

The poor showing against Kelse, even keeping the Kodiaks within two of the playoffs, was enough for CSF Presidum Jaquee Moriseete and CFA Quorum Leader George O'Lanigan, as the leaders informed national coach Yerevan Malli and the team they would finish the final four matches and pack it up for many a World Cup to come.

The Communique will still let the U21s compete as well as allowing a mens team to compete in the Olympics, Ylompics as well as regional competitions, but will ban the National Side from any NSWC competition for at least five qualifying tournaments. The ban stipulates that, in order for it to go away, the club level and U21s must show marked progress in improving its status against the best of the world in allowed competitions, otherwise the Communique would continue to exist.

Surprisingly, no members of the team plan to leave, regardless of coaches calls to return to club. Captain Olani Pjan said at a press conference "The Kodiaks are all I play for now, until we are officially done." While not guaranteeing one last hurrah in the finals, Malli said he would call on the CFA and CSF to recind the enforcement as well as call on the Colonial Assembly, which has elections in two weeks (Thursday RL), as well as the Cantonal Assembly to reverse it. Lawyers for the Kits League, the official fan union of the National Side, have pressed ChiLo and the RA to see if the ban is legal under the Chicanadan complicated legal system. With no precedent, many pundits think the law would be overturned by the RA as ineffective towards growth for Chicanada.

Kodiak National Side Schedule (Here wo go...back to 5th!)
MD01: W 1-0 v Pedriana (@ Moutainside Fairgrounds, Castille)
MD02: W 1-0 @ Ocmeoub
MD03: L 1-0 @ Commerce Heights
MD04: off day - plans for training in Kinsington
MD05: L 1-0 v Kelse (@ New Governess Palace, Kinsington)
MD06: W 2-0 @ Berner Street
MD07: L 2-1 @ Audioslavia
MD08: W 3-0 v Nedalia (@ Depot Centre, Cana)
MD09: T 1-1 v Arrida (@ Heartland Stadium, Goedi)
MD10: W 1-0 @ Pedriana
MD11: W 5-2 v Ocmeoub (@ BFC Pavillion, Bishop County)
MD12: L 3-1 v Commerce Heights (@ Island Clan Stadia, Palace Heights)
MD13: T 2-2 v Yafor 2 (exibition game @ Steelgrounds, Atens)
MD14: L 3-2 @ Kelse
MD15: v Berner Street (@ Coastal Stadium, New Glasgow)
MD16: v Audioslavia (@ Southampton National Square)
MD17: @ Nedalia
MD18: @ Arrida

The dead team walking could have a win under its belt at New Glasgow in their next home game against Berner Street before probably getting a loss to Audioslavia in what will be their final home game in WC competition, followed by road trips to Nedalia and Arrida. Some think a run by the Team to make the finals could change the national bodies minds, but Jaquee hinted it would take a miracle, as well as an excellent showing at the Finals, to reverse her decision.

Haraki

20-03-2006, 05:24

Hawks Manage a Tie; Vargas Announces Exhibition Game
From the Haraki News Network Print Edition

Sam Sherman, Atherlon. The Hawks managed a 1-1 tie against the Spaamanian Waffles. Haraki Captain Mike Zendar managed a goal only fourteen minutes into the game, followed by a Spaamanian goal much later at seventy minutes. This game, although a moral victory for Haraki, presiding over their prior 1-0 loss to Spaam, does little for Haraki's qualification hopes.

A Harakian win would have tied the two teams at 21 points in 3rd, and thus made both contenders for the playoff spot. As is, Haraki remains three points behind Spaam, and thus no nearer to a qualification than before. With this tie, it seems Harakian hopes for this World Cup may have finally been dashed.

Haraki have the bye next day, and then have only three games left to play, against Priggdom, Wentland and group leaders Starblaydia. Even if the Hawks manage two wins, Spaam will have to make 5 points or less in their games for Haraki to be a contender for the much-hyped playoff spot, in third place for group eight. That seems more and more unlikely, especially as Spaam have four games left to play to Haraki's three.

On a lighter note, Haraki coach Lloyd Vargas announced the exhibition game on Matchday Fifteen at Champion Field in Atherlon. He announced that the Haraki Hawks will play the Kiros Tigers on Matchday Fifteen at regulation time. The Kiros Tigers are the team of both Harakian offensive star Mike Zendar and defensive star Jonah Menike, and it will be a hard game for them without these key players. The Tigers are also missing midfield Archie Wilkes, their key enforcer, but will play with their regular goalkeeper, a luxury not afforded to Atherlon United Football Club when they played the Hawks on Matchday Six.

Sam Sherman is the HNN's leading football analyst.

Squornshelous

20-03-2006, 05:38

All down to one Match

Squornshelous will face of with Schiavonia for the last time in qualifying, and the winner will likely take the group
Squornshelous has been playing phenomenally well over their past 7 matches, winning each one since losing to Schiavonia 4-2 in matchday 6, scoring 29 goals in that time and allowing only 2, compared to 19 goals for and 10 against prior to that point. Now, all the surging Pschychoes have to do is defeat a Sloths team that is also playing some of the best football of their careers. Squornshelous, naturally will look to their high powered attack for the win, as they have done throughout this qualifying effort. Squornshelous is currently the highest scoring team in qualifying, with 48 goals in 12 matches. They have remained on the amazing 4 goals per match mark they set halfway through qualifying. It all comes down to the next two matches the Pschychoes will play. A win over Schiavonia will put the Pschychoes into first place in the group by virtue of a superior goal differential, and in the next match against Kericia, who find themselves part of a closely fought battle for third, Squornshelous can officially clinch their qualification with another win. After these two matches, the Pschychoes will have only Apologetic Kittens and Spaamanian Plijous left to play, two teams whom Squornshelous defeated by a combined score of 11-1 in matchdays eight and nine. Hopefully, our boys can pull together and win out, for what will regardless be one of the more impressive qualifying runs Squornshelous has ever put together.

Final Scores:
Squornshelous 4-1 John Parkin

Squornshelous 4-0 San Adriano

Squornshelous' Qualifying Schedule:
wins losses draws byes
MD01: bye
MD02: The Islands of Qutar 1-3 Squornshelous
MD03: Squornshelous 5-1 The Macabees
MD04: Jon Parkin 4-4 Squornshelous
MD05: Squornshelous 5-0 San Adriano
MD06: Schiavonia 4-2 Squornshelous
MD07: Squornshelous 2-0 Kericia
MD08: Apologetic Kittens 1-6 Squornshelous
MD09: Squornshelous 5-0 Spaamanian Plijous
MD10: bye
MD11: Squornshelous 3-0 The Islands of Qutar
MD12: The Macabees 0-5 Squornshelous
MD13: Squornshelous 4-1 Jon Parkin
MD14: San Adriano 0-4 Squornshelous
MD15: Squornshelous v Schiavonia
MD16: Kericia v Squornshelous
MD17: Squornshelous v Apologetic Kittens
MD18: Spaamanian Plijous v Squornshelous

Bedistan

20-03-2006, 06:35

Matchday 15 scores (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showthread.php?p=10605699#post10605699) are now available.

Sarzonia

20-03-2006, 07:34

Woodstock Daily Mail

'Aces' draw snake eyes against Stars

by Ryan Calvin
Daily Mail Staff Writer

19 March 2006 -- For all the talk about a budding rivalry between Sarzonia and Krytenia, the only thing these two teams have in common is that both teams are highly-ranked. On paper, this home fixture looked like it could have been a battle to determine which team would advance to the World Cup finals or which might be relegated to the vagaries of a home-and-away playoff.

Obviously, they don't play the World Cup on paper. The Stars continued their team-record 13-0-0 start to World Cup qualifying and became the last team without either a draw or a loss when Commerce Heights held Audioslavia away. The Stars ripped through Krytenia 4-1 in front of a boisterous overflow crowd of 61,027 at Bryan Marshall Stadium in Woodstock.

The first match between these two sides saw the Aces seize the run of play in the first half but fail to dent Roger Treadway's net. This time, Sarzonia put away Krytenia (8-3-2 with its only two losses coming to Sarzonia) from the onset. Forward Kenny Cooper scored two goals within the first 15 minutes, almost before the last of the supporters in the standing section found their spots.

"We had to play a sharper game of football against these guys," Cooper said. "We did that and you saw what we can do. Remember this is the 16th ranked team in the world that we did that to."

Sarzonia were able to dominate the match because its midfield play was crisp, Treadway turned aside five shots, and the defence stifled the Aces until the very end when only a 90th minute penalty spoiled what was looming as a clean sheet for the young successor to Sarzonian goalkeeping legend Horace Sandt.

"That was about as complete a match of football as I've seen us play since I got here," Coach Dave Wilson said. "I thought we might show some signs of steadying after I got here, but I'd be lying if I said I imagined starting 13-0. It just didn't factor into my expectations in any way."

When reminded that defending world champions and World Cup co-hosts Bedistan started 18-0-0 in World Cup XXV before flaming out before the World Cup semifinals, Wilson said, "don't think that hasn't crossed my mind. I've been reminding these lads that our real goal shouldn't be to go 16-0-0. It should be to be the last team standing when the final whistle blows on this World Cup.

"Believe me, I'm very pleased with our record. But we need to make sure that we don't let it get to our heads."

Qazox

20-03-2006, 07:38

QAZOX CITY HERALD

The Black Oxen are one step closer to World Cup 27 with a thrilling 3-2 win at Tanah Burung today. The first half and the 1st 20 minutes of the second half was slow and tentative as both squads played like they didn't want to lose. After Anthony Mason was injured on a questionable tackle in the 65th minute, Head Coach Frank Fuller, coaching his 1st match after a 3 game suspension due to comments he made after the loss to Hiiraan, told Alicia “Speedy” Gonzalez, who replaced Mason, "to get in there and light them up." And light them up she did scoring her first international goal only 3 minutes later. Gonzalez' goal seemed to wake up both sides as the defensive struggle turned into a fast-paced offensive battle with Shaun Brady scoring in the 72nd minute to make it 2-0 Qazox. Tanah Burung reponded in the 77th minute as Tarek Al-kayyam scored off a free-kick to cut the lead to 2-1. in the 83rd minute Tarek Al-kayyam scored once again tying the match at 2-all. it looked like both squads were going to draw, but in injury time, "Speedy" Gonzalez sped past the Tanah Burung defense and scored the game winner.

Qazox will head home tommorrow sitting in third place, only one point ahead of Milchama. Despite being 1 point behind, Milchama has the advantage of one more game to play than Qazox. Tommorrow's Milchama-Vilita match could decide our fate. the most points Qazox can get is 26 pts, while Milchama can finish with a max of 28 pts. A Milchaman loss tommorrow, will give the advantage to Qazox as its last 2 matches are at home vs. a Last place Valertinette (who we beat on the road 2-1)and an already Qualified Vilita(whom we tied 2-2on the road).

Here's the rest of today's scores and Standings (note that Qualifed teams are in blueand eliminated teams are in red.

GROUP THREE
Eauz 1-1 Vilita
Milchama 2-0 Valertinette
Elrich 0-2 Dorian and Sonya
Tanah Burung 2-3 Qazox

Pos Team P W D L GF GA GD Pts
1 Eauz 13 10 2 1 40 7 33 32
2 Vilita 13 10 2 1 36 11 25 32
3 Qazox 14 6 2 6 16 17 -1 20
4 Milchama 13 5 4 4 20 22 -2 19
5 Tanah Burung 13 5 1 7 19 22 -3 16
6 Elrich 13 5 1 7 16 24 -8 16
7 Dorian and Sonya 14 4 2 8 13 28 -15 14
8 Hiiraan 13 3 4 6 10 15 -5 13
9 Valertinette 14 2 2 10 9 33 -24 8

Note: Hiiraan are disqualified for ceasing to exist.

Qazox's Qualifing Schedule

Match Day One--@ Elrich LOST 0-3
Match Day Two--Vs. Hiiraan LOST 0-1 at Fromburg Field, Fromburg: Attendence: 17,000
Match Day Three--Vs. Dorian and Sonya WON 2-0 at Estadia Pika, Pika City: Attendence: 77,988.
Match Day Four--Vs. Eauz LOST 0-1 at SaxerDome, Saxervilla: Attendence: 85,000.
Match Day Five-- @ Milchama WON 4-2
Match Day Six--Vs. Tanah Burung LOST 0-1 at SaxerDome, Saxervilla: Attendance: 42,000.
Match Day Seven--Exhibition vs. Graverville(QFL Champion) WON 5-0 at Qazian Memorial Stadium, Qazox City: Attendence: 79,250.
Match Day Eight--@ Valertinette WON 2-1
Match Day Nine--@ Vilita Draw 2-2
Match Day Ten--Vs. Elrich WON 1-0 at Rockport Field at Harborside, Rockport: Attendance: 71,200.
Match Day Eleven--@ Hiiraan LOST 0-1
Match Day Twelve--@ Dorian and Sonya WON 1-0
Match Day Thirteen--@ Eauz LOST 0-2
Match Day Fourteen--Vs. Milchama Draw 1-1 at Qazian Memorial Stadium, Qazox City: Attendence: 79,250.
Match Day Fifeeen--@ Tanah Burung WON 3-2
Match Day Sixteen--BYE
Match Day Seventeen--Vs. Valertinette at Fromburg Field, Fromburg: Capacity:78,963.
Match Day Eighteen-- Vs. Vilita at Qazian Memorial Stadium, Qazox City: Capacity: 79,250.

Green wombat

20-03-2006, 07:51

The HEXAGON REBEL

The war is on and only our freedom is important... since some how (thanks GWRM) the Daily News had its only press broken, the Rebel is your only source, for now, to the outside world.
Page 5-SPORTS
The fighting wombats tied 3-3 with the Zucchinis on 3/17/1900 and lost 0-2 to Pastorville today. the loss offically end any chances of Green Womabt advancing to the next round of qualifing. Sources inside the Hexagon say that upon thier return to Green Wombat tommorrow, all the players will be honored with a parade. What a waste of our tax-Pepsis. That money could go to schools or public helath, but they spend it on soccer players who stink beyond belief. The same source claims that Green wombat will decline a Cup of Harmony bid and may withdraw from WC 28 qualifing. THE ONLY THING YOU HAVE TO FEAR IS OPPRESSION AND TYRANNY. THE ONLY THING THAT CAN SAVE YOU IS YOURSELF AND YOUR MIND.

(ooc: Green Womabt is now in a state of Civil War, that's why the country will not be particpating in the CoH. please check out the following NSWikipage to see what happens during the civil war:http://ns.goobergunch.net/wiki/index.php/Green_wombat_Civil_War)

Dorian and Sonya

20-03-2006, 08:33

Unicorns Still Breathing - With the Help Of a Ventilator.

Queen Sonya looked down on the field in shock. Had she actually just seen that correctly? Had it been a dream and now they must play the match for real? No. It was not a dream and it was correct. The Mystical Unicorns had pulled a miracle upset and ruined the day for Elrich. She looked towards the roof of the stadium. Surely the Archregimancy or Praying 2 God had put in that good word after all.

The first half of the match saw two great defensive efforts slugging it out for a 0-0 halftime result. It was the second half where the Unicorns found their offense while Elrich could not manage to switch gears and respond.

In the 63rd minute, Nátulcien Eluch`div` made a brilliant steal that sent D&S on the counter attack. Altáriël Telperiën reaped the reward for her hustle in getting downfield with an easy goal that put the Unicorns up 1-0. The second goal came in the 87th minute as Tári Falassion’s header on Eluch`div`s corner kick found the back of the net for the second goal from the Unicorns in the match. Not since the defeat of Vilita in the first meeting had D&S scored more than once. This was also the girl’s best performance since that historical match.

New starting keeper, Alassea Culnámo, was brilliant yet again, and found a clean sheet in the process.

Next up the Unicorns play host to the ghosts of the former players from Hiiraan. Our girls need to get past these ghosts to stave off elimination for another day or so. Probably just today though.

Andossa Se Mitrin Vega

20-03-2006, 09:03

Curse of the Sea Dragons Thwarted for a Day

http://http://i14.photobucket.com/albums/a318/stormgiantxxxl/ASMVFNN.jpg

This is Kellan Kildan reporting live from Stadii Se Draggonnii Arcea.

The Sea Dragons needed a victory today as they played host to the Squids of Georgeonia. And Curse be Damned, that is just what they got, to the dismay of Squid fans everywhere.

The 19th minute is where the action really stepped up. Unami Banta-N’bai made a very hard tackle that sent the ball bouncing free to Tomas Carrington on the left side of the pitch. A long pass to MalachI James and the Sea Dragons were on the attack. James found Pablo Iglesias in the penalty box, but he mishandled the ball and it squirted free. Luckily it was Porche Alexander who corralled it. Her shot, however was not so great as normal and bounced harmlessly off the post. It was a shock to ASMV fans when Kristov Kirelenko beat the Squid keeper to the ball and easily made the shot to put ASMV up 1-0.

Hard defense returned as the Sea Dragons settled in to keep Geogeonia from evening the score. Micah Swift earned a yellow for a late tackle in the 24th minute and if not for a great play from keeper Shaun Conarky, Georgeonia would have pulled even.

In the second half, it was more hard defense from both sides. But in the 57th minute Porche Alexander recovered a muffed kick by the georgeonian keeper and easily beat him to score and put ASMV up 2-0. That was all that was needed as the Sea Dragon defense set about the business of shutting down the Squid attack.

Next up for ASMV is a rematch with now Group 11 leading Tadjikistan. At their place they easily handed us a 3-0 defeat. Now the plan is to return the favor. In order to do so, the Sea Dragons must have the best performance of their career. Hopefully the ASMV fans can help swing this one in our favor.

Other news from around Group 11.
The top ranked Tadjiks finally recovered the 1 spot by downing a tough Lovisan side 2-1. They also secured a definite spot in the next round in the process.

Emperor Pudu continued to surprise everyone with a 2-1 victory in Giant Zucchini. They look to make a run at the 3rd spot, but also will be a match down, as they have not had their 2nd bye yet. Giant Zucchini can still make problems for us as we still must face them on their home field. Despite their low position, they are still much better than our Sea Dragons in the rankings.

Pastorville put their selves back in contention by downing Green Wombat 2-0 - eliminating the Fighting Wombats in the process. Who gets the important 3rd spot and the chance to qualify could come down to the match between the Sea Dragons and Saints on the final Match Day in Pastorville, Let’s hope it doesn’t come down to that.

Tadjikistan

20-03-2006, 11:21

Tadjiks qualified
By Simon Grinchik, part time sportsjournalist

Sweet sweet revenge was once more what took control of the nation, Lovisa had to pay for the shameful defeat of matchday six. A full Isserson station went wild as thousands of Tadjiks screamed their Tigers to victory and the long expected qualification.

It was all over by the end of the first half, thanks to a fast Zhenya Zyrianov, who managed to get one past the Lovisan goalkeeper after 8 minutes, and Saidomir Saradov who gave Lovisa the final deathblow in the 44th minute through a shot from the second line. The second half saw the Tadjiks defend their lead and run away with the three points.

'Although the Lovisans were though' Zaev said 'They never really posed a threat. Our boys were excellent today, thanks to the support of the Tadjiks fans. These past few matchdays, they have followed their team everywhere to make sure the Tigers knew the people believe in them. The Tigers have not betrayed that trust. I hope this will be the way we go to the World Cup.

With this great news, president Kolchak anounced that everyone would get a day off to enjoy this great victory. The result was one huge party that lasted until the next morning. Even the players were granted the opportunity to party. but Zaev will think twice the next time as half the team failed to show up for the training today. Hope they are in time to catch their flight to Andossa Se Mitrin Vega for matchday 16.

Tadjikistan - 2
Zyrianov '8, Saradov '44
Lovisa - 1
Unknown player '23

Pos Team P W D L GF GA GD Pts
1 Tadjikistan 13 9 3 1 35 8 27 30
2 Lovisa 13 9 2 2 35 10 25 29
3 Andossa Se Mitrin Vega 13 6 2 5 17 22 -5 20
4 Emporer Pudu 14 4 5 5 13 22 -9 17
5 Becquerelia 13 3 7 3 11 11 0 16
6 Pastorville 13 5 1 7 9 13 -4 16
7 Georgeonia 14 3 4 7 10 21 -11 13
8 Giant Zucchini 13 3 3 7 19 22 -3 12
9 Green wombat 14 3 3 8 14 34 -20 12

Fixtures:
MD1: Stay home, do nothing
MD2: Giant Zucchini - Tadjikistan W 1-3
MD3: Tadjikistan - Pastorville W 2-0
MD4: Green Wombat - Tadjikistan W 0-4
MD5: Tadjikistan - Emperor Pudu D 1-1
MD6: Lovisa - Tadjikistan L 2-1
MD7: Tadjikistan - Andossa Se Mitrin Vega W 3-0
MD8: Becquerelia - Tadjikistan D 1-1
MD9: Tadjikistan - Georgonia D 1-1
MD10: Stay home again, do nothing
MD11: Tadjikistan - Giant Zucchini W 3-1
MD12: Pastorville - Tadjikistan W 0-4
MD13: Tadjikistan - Green Wombat W 6-0
MD14: Emperor Pudu - Tadjikistan W 0-4
MD15: Tadjikistan - Lovisa W 2-1
MD16: Andossa se Mitrin Vega - Tadjikistan
MD17: Tadjikistan - Becquerelia
MD18: Georgonia - Tadjikistan

Tadjik Goalscorers:
Zyrianov - 10
Saradov - 8
Tulberdiev - 7
Pliiev - 3
Kirponos - 2
Kornilov - 2
Priore - 1
Gurchev - 1
Zverev - 1

Spaam

20-03-2006, 12:28

Spaam Sports Weekly
NationStates' Most Notorious Sports Publication

Celebrating 100 Years of World Cup Participation

Almost There

Spaam's win against giant-killers Priggdom means they are effectively one win
from a playoff position. The match in Anglya State Football Stadium in
Ugaror was a must-win game for both teams, but a strong Spaamanian crowd
helped the Waffles come up with the win. As usualy, Jelbert was at her
brilliant best, not looking like breaking a sweat in keeper position, while it was
Crewenna Roskelly who got the only goal of the game just before the break.
Coach Gee said that, "we needed this win, because we need all the
confidence we can get against Starblaydia. I won't say anymore, but we've
proven that we can win, so lets see what happens."

Spaam 1:0 Priggdom
(4 Roskelly 44)

The Group Of Death

Starblaydia's home record took another dent when they lost to Oliverry in a
high-scoring match. The Perils got two early goals, but then blew it by
letting the visitors score four. Wentland stayed in the hunt with an easy
three nil win over Shing-Shang, while East Lithuania stays in it
mathematically with their one nil home win over Obsidianus. Haraki had the
bye.

Starblaydia 2:4 Oliverry
Wentland 3:0 Shing-Shang
East Lithuania 1:0 Obsidianus

Though Starblaydia lost, they have now officially qualified for the World Cup
Finals. Oliverry is just two points behind, and would be incredibly unlucky not
to be the second qualifier. Spaam again has the equal best defense in the
world, along with Sarzonia, and is in 3rd lagging by 4 points. Spaam only
needs 4 points from their last 3 games to guarantee the playoff position, and
less if Wentland doesn't win their last three games. Wentland is in fourth,
five points behind Spaam, while Haraki, one point behind, is really only
mathematically capable of making it. Priggdom and East Lithuania are only
mathematically capable of advancing, while Obsidianus is offically eighth, and
Shing-Shang wins the Wooden Spoon award.

Pos Team P W D L GF GA GD Pts PPG G%
1 Starblaydia 13 10 1 2 46 8 38 31 2.4 85
2 Oliverry 13 9 2 2 42 19 23 29 2.2 69
3 Spaam 13 7 4 2 18 6 12 25 1.9 75
4 Wentland 13 6 2 5 22 21 1 20 1.5 51
5 Haraki 13 6 1 6 13 17 -4 19 1.5 33
6 Priggdom 14 6 2 6 18 30 -12 20 1.4 38
7 East Lithuania 13 4 4 5 12 14 -2 16 1.2 43
8 Obsidianus 14 2 2 10 14 35 -21 8 0.6 29
9 Shing-Shang 14 0 2 12 10 45 -35 2 0.1 18

Next Week

Spaam at home are still the underdogs, but they are coming off a win,
Starblaydia are coming off a home loss, and the last time these teams met,
Spaam came away with an away win, so it should be a good match.
Wentland needs to beat Oliverry at home, otherwise they are all but out of
the competition. Shing-Shang host East Lithuania, in their second last
chance to win a game, and Priggdom host Haraki in a game that will keep one
of these teams mathematical chances alive, as long as Spaam lose.

Statistics

Home vs Away
P W D L GF GA GD Pts PPG G%
Home 7 5 1 1 12 1 11 16 2.3 92
Away 6 2 3 1 6 5 1 9 1.6 55
Total 13 7 4 2 18 6 12 25 1.9 75

Goal Scorers
No Name G P
17 Mylor Goss 6 12
1 Ewa Ivey 4 12
6 Cleder Cawrse 3 9
4 Crewenna Roskelly 3 12
8 Melyor Trewin 1 6
11 Credan Trethewey 1 10
7 Colan Trebilcock -1 6

History
1 Spaam 4:0 Obsidianus W
2 Shing-Shang 1:1 Spaam D
3 Oliverry 1:0 Spaam L
4 BYE
5 Spaam 1:0 Haraki W
6 Priggdom 0:0 Spaam D
7 Starblaydia 0:1 Spaam W
8 Spaam 4:0 Wentland W
9 Spaam 0:0 East Lithuania D
10 Obsidianus 2:3 Spaam W
11 Spaam 2:0 Shing-Shang W
12 Spaam 0:1 Oliverry L
13 BYE
14 Haraki 1:1 Spaam D
15 Spaam 1:0 Priggdom W
16 Spaam ?:? Starblaydia ?

Photo Opportunities

Waffles head coach Dochou Gee

http://www.abc.net.au/reslib/200507/r52138_139899.jpg

Tynelia

20-03-2006, 12:48

“Welcome everyone to this shortened edition of Tynelian Soccer Weekly. With Tynelia being eliminated and on bye this week we’re just here today to check out the country’s chances of finishing in fourth place in the group. I’m your host Sal Spikeman along with as always Anna Dalespin. The road got a bit harder for Tynelia’s quest after yesterday’s matches were completed. In a battle of nearly qualified teams. Total n Utter Insanity avenged its first round loss to Bettia and qualifed for the World Cup with a tough 2-1 victory. As expected the Kazoo Peoples beat New Chakovnia by a 4-1 score and kept their slim playoff hopes alive and moved ahead of Tynelia by four points in the race for fourth. In a bit of a surprise, Nanakaland went winless for its second straight match with a 1-1 draw against the Algal States and the Weegies gained a 3-1 win over Risa-Aramour jumping them past Tynelia in the standings. Any comments Anna?”

“Well this does make things a bit harder for Tynelia but they’re not quite out of it yet. There are still three games left and anything can happen still. But I would like to address Coach O’meara’s announcement today that Vladimar Malloy will be starting against the Algal States tomorrow and that Amy Whiteworth. Or “Amazing” Amy as she’s becoming known will get the start for the final two games.”

“Yes that did come as a bit of surprise given Coach O’Meara’s confidence in Malloy. However Amy is clearly playing better right now and probably gives Tynelia the best chance against Total n Utter Insanity and the Kazoo Peoples. And giving Vladimar the start against the Algal States gives him a chance to bounce back and end the tournament on a positive note against the weakest of tynelia’s three remaining opponents.”

“Yes Sal, and Vladimar took the news like the professional he is. Obviously he knows why the change has been made but has had nothing but praise for Wentworth’s performance and agrees that she’s playing better so she should be the starter. It makes you wonder Sal how things might have turned out if the switch had been made earlier.”

“You know Anna, in most cases you may have had a point but given the dominant first halves by Bettia, Nanakaland and Total n Utter Insanity I don’t think it would have mattered who was in net as all three teams beat Tynelia by two goals the first time around and Tynelia scored a total of one goal in the same three games. But now for the race for fourth, can Tynelia do it?”

“Well let’s look at the schedule for the remaining teams.”

<chart appears on the screen>
the Kazoo Peoples- home vs Bettia, home vs Nanakaland, at Tynelia
the Weegies- at New Chakovnia, at Risa-Aramour, home vs Nanakaland
Tynelia- at Algal States, at Total n Utter Insanity, home vs. the Kazoo peoples

Risa-Aramour- bye, home vs the Weegies, home vs. Bettia
Algal States- home vs. Tynelia, bye, home vs. Total n Utter Insanity

“Now with the Kazoo Peoples at 20 points neither Risa-Aramour or the Algal States can catch them with only 13 and two games left but they can catch Tynelia and so they’re included here. Looking at the three main contenders the Weegies clearly have the easiest path. Despite being on the road for their first two games, they are playing a team that has gained one draw the entire tournament and the 7th seed. Only the Nanakaland game against a team that has already clinched a playoff spot looks to be any trouble. So expect 7 points for them, 2 wins and a draw. The Kazoo Peoples actually have the toughest road but are at least at home for their toughest two games against Bettia and Nanakaland before coming to Tynelia for the finale. The Kazoo Peoples must win out and get help if they hope to advance but I don’t see it happening. My prediction is two points, 1 loss and two draws.

“ As for Tynelia I think like the first round they will get one of everything, a win vs. the Algal States, a loss to Total n Utter Insanity and a draw with the kazoo Peoples for four points. Unfortunately this will put them at 20 behind both the Weegies with 25 and the Kazoo Peoples with 22. Tynelia really needs to win 2 of their last 3 including the Kazoo peoples match to have any chance of passing either of the two higher seeded teams ahead of them. I don’t see either Risa-Aramour or the Algal States winning any of their last two games though they may sneak in with a draw at some point which puts Tynelia where they started at in sixth place.”

“OK Anna, I think that about covers everything. It would be nice to see Tynelia reach the 20 point mark. That would be a good way to start their national soccer career. Then if they are invited to the Cup of Harmony they may have a chance to improve on their current mark and move up n the rankings when the next world cup comes around in four years. We were going to cut away to the weather report with Harmonie Harris but unfortunately when she was told the stadium is built on a man made island she immediately got seasick and is unable to give us her always interesting weather reports.”

“That’s one way to describe them Sal.”

“Be nice Anna. So with no further adieu that concludes tonight’s shortened program. We’ll be back tomorrow with the postgame report for the Tynelia/Algal States match which will as always be carried live and in its entirety here on Tynelian television. Until then for Anna Dalespin this is Sal Spikeman wishing everyone a good night.”

Atheistic Right

20-03-2006, 13:01

Lion was furious at the result of his Archeopteri against Collonie.... hie office was a mess and his desk was missing a number of vital portions... such as it's legs and the top of the desk was broken in half.

...........

However in Collonie, a letter was sent from inside Collonie to the Collonie's National Football association. The letter was blank and contained some white powder. The powder was nothing of itself dangerous but it looked alot like Anthrax. It was sent as a warning, hopefully the Collonites would take notice of it.

Next Matchday was a bye... Lions wanted to see what Cheetah, the new coach, could do before killing him.

Schiavonia

20-03-2006, 13:10

Selected writings from...

The Schiavone Scribe
From Boud To Worse
Schiavonia 1-0 Boudra-Boudra

Schiavonia escaped with a lucky win on Matchday Eleven in their friendly match against Boudra-Boudra.

It was the second time this campaign that the Sloths had come up against a team in their first international match, and this time their opponents were even more up for it to prove themselves.

The home side were sloppy on the ball, though, as if they had other matters on their minds, and were lucky in the end not to lose.

Schiavonia's goal came from the penalty spot after Hanz Buyakasha appeared to have felled Filipo Schiavone in the penalty area. Replays showed that it was, in fact, a very bad dive. Still, the referee's decision was made, Sanderson scores, 1-0.

Then, with the last kick of the match, Sosimo Bradkorb hit the bar for the visitors, with the ball bouncing back into the arms of a diving Ben Kershaw.

Nobody thought anything of it as the referee blew for full time, but again, the TV replays showed Kershaw appearing to carry the ball over the line during his acrobatics.

Still, not the best of Schiavone performances, but in a game that wasn't particularly important to them, the result was still something to be very relieved about.

Final score
Schiavonia 1 (Sanderson 65 pen)
Boudra-Boudra 0

- - - - -

Sloths' form Keri-s on
Kericia 1-3 Schiavonia

Another World Cup qualifying victory, this time in Kericia, means that Schiavonia are now eleven games unbeaten in qualifying.

This time, it was a real team effort that won the game, with no individuals really standing out.

Even the goals were spread out, one each for Di Mascherenasi, Tarmey, Smith and McAndrew (although, admittedly, Smith's was in the wrong goal).

And so, qualification beckons. Seven points should do it from here. If the Sloths don't get that, they don't deserve to go to the finals.

Meanwhile, the Schiavone Scribe have fired their headline writer after his latest effort (or, indeed, lack of effort).

Final score
Kericia 1 (Smith o.g. 54)
Schiavonia 3 (Di Mascherenasi 24, Tarmey 39, McAndrew 80)

- - - - -

No Apologies
Schiavonia 4-1 Apologetic Kittens

Schiavonia fluked an unusual victory against Apologetic Kittens at the King Francesco Stadium yesterday.

It was, all too easy, from the moment that the kittens opened the scoring with four minutes to go. After doing this, the kittens seemed intent on apologising to the entire Schiavone team, allowing the home side to concentrate on their football, and score four times.

Next time the kittens score, it might be a good idea not to say sorry to the other side. Otherwise they'll never make it as top level international sportsbeings.

Final score
Schiavonia 4 (Tarmey 87, Weir 88, Park 89, Kershaw 90)
Apologetic Kittens 1 (Tiddles 86)

- - - - -

Fake Spaam lose again
Spaamanian Plijous 0-2 Schiavonia

Let's just say that if any result in World Cup Qualifying could have been described as predictable, it was this one.

The game wasn't up to much either. Tony Tarmey scored a couple of goals in the first twelve minutes or so, then Schiavonia sat back and let Plijous attack.

As Plijous suck, that was the end of the game as a contest, and as a spectacle. Still, one point should see the Sloths through from here. But then there's a tough run of games next, with Squornshelous, Qutar and The Macabees all to come.

Final score
Spaamanian Plijous 0
Schiavonia 2 (Tarmey 9, 11)

- - - - -

Sloths "not arsed"
Squornshelous 4-1 Schiavonia

Looking at the Group 12 table before this game, it seemed quite straightforward that these two sides would be travelling to Bedistan and Fmjphoenix for the World Cup finals. This was more to see who would go as group winners.

Answer: Squornshelous.

The Schiavone players treated it as a friendly, just as they did with the Boudra-Boudra game. Big mistake.

By the end, they'd realised it was anything but a friendly. And the team's manager Rodney Lowe was far from happy at the end.

"I know that people don't expect too much from our team, but today was just silly. I'm going to drop the entire starting eleven for the Qutar game! the only player who looked bothered was Gary Topp, and he was a substitute."

So expect eleven changes to the starting eleven, and a 4-4-2 formation against Qutar. Let's be honest, all we ask fopr is a bit of passion!

Final score
Squornshelous 4 (Petrov 18, 56, Xenakis 32, Ogbadan 64)
Schiavonia 1 (Topp 88)

[NS]Bazalonia

20-03-2006, 13:14

"Bye day; Wave goodbye to Qualifying" by Nev Gould

This matchday was a bye for the Bazalopes but Neil Kabants did not let the Bazalopes rest "We have hard matches ahead, particularily with The Archregimancy coming up on the last matchday and other tough matches, in the up coming matchdays. He still is keeping exactly what the Bazalopes are doing to prepare secret but people have seen the Bazalopes enter a Wave pool. Whether this was just for fun or had some training significance was yet to be seen. But the Bazalopes certainly enjoyed it.

However with this bye the Bazalopes dreams of Qualifcation went bye-bye as well. With only 3 matches left it is impossible for the Bazalopes to climb to third place and take the playoff spot for the world cup. Neil Kabants was never the less quite happy with the performance of the Bazalopes since he took over. "The Team is a good team. They'll just need to increase their international experience they have 2 World Cups under their belt but they need more than that if they truely do want to be world challengers."

Swilatia

20-03-2006, 13:31

http://img48.imageshack.us/img48/2724/sbc22la.gif
Yesterday Swilatia has had a draw with New Pruessen, at least it was not a loss for us. Today we are likely to win though, as the oppenents are The Footie Nightmare Team. All we have to do is not be eliminated.

But we are already eliminated. There is no chance for us.

No, George, we are not eliminated. We can still qualify through a playoff, as long as we escape being eliminated first. And one of the things we will do to not be eliminated will be to win to todays opponents, The Footie Nightmare Team. Seroiously, they should have never entered the world cup, as they are doing so badly at this time that nobody can believe. They were the second team to be eliminated for the cup.

Yes and we will be the next to be eliminated.

How are You so sure??

Jeruselem

20-03-2006, 13:57

Jeruselem Government News

Crusaders charging into Group stage

Oh yes, it's official on Match day 15 - Jeruselem are assured of a top 3 spot in Group 1. It's more likely we will finish 1st or 2nd, with 9 more points to grab for Jeruselem and Paladins as well.

MD14 and MD15. Jeruselem won against Kirstiriera again (3-0) and the Paladins this time didn't fold against the heavy armour charges from the Crusaders. NMS and Jeruselem had 1 ALL stalemate and this allowed Jeruselem to keep top spot as they snatched in MD14.

NMS's draw with Jeruselem and it's 1-1 draw with CR Oscilloscopes were not exactly disasters. 2 points from 2 games just allowed the Paladins to slip back to 2nd and Jeruselem have the glory of top spot. Still, we say they are not easy opponents.

Cuation? Looking like 3rd spot. Two good wins over An Archy (1-0) and CR Oscilloscopes (3-1) push them 4 points ahead of Collonie now. Two wins at this stage is good going and they are 5 points behind the Paladins still.

Collonie - the bye has hurt now. Yes they beat the Athiests 3-0 but the bye is zero points and they slip 4 points behind Cuation. It's do or die, they can take 3rd spot, providing Cuation lose a game or two.

Druida are back! Well, sort of. Atheistic Right scored a rare win over them 3-1 which really hurt but they trounced Kirstiriera 5-2 later. That loss has hurt and in 5th they need to win the next 3 games to get to 27 points. The problem is Cuation and Collonie - those teams need to keep losing if Druida get 3rd.

MD14 - Group 1
Kirstiriera 0-3 Jeruselem
CR Oscilloscopes 1-1 New Montreal States
Atheistic Right 3-1 Druida
An Archy 0-1 Cuation

MD15 - Group 1
Jeruselem 1-1 New Montreal States
Druida 5-2 Kirstiriera
Cuation 3-1 CR Oscilloscopes
Collonie 3-0 Atheistic Right

Pos Team P W D L GF GA GD Pts
1 Jeruselem 13 9 3 1 36 9 27 30
2 New Montreal States 13 9 2 2 26 13 13 29
3 Cuation 13 7 3 3 20 14 6 24
4 Collonie 13 6 2 5 22 20 2 20
5 Druida 13 5 3 5 17 18 -1 18
6 CR Oscilloscopes 14 4 2 8 10 24 -14 14
7 An Archy 13 3 4 6 9 17 -8 13
8 Kirstiriera 14 3 3 8 15 26 -11 12
9 Atheistic Right 14 1 4 9 13 27 -14 7

...

OK, Nedalia are gone. We keep on wishing they can mount are late charge but with 3 games left, it's getting late guys. Nedalia are on 15 points and if they win the last 3 games - 24 points. Chicanda and Kelse are really the ones to get 3rd spot in Group 9. No disputing who is KING of Group 9 here.

Audioslavia smashed Ocmeoub and then did something amazing. They drew a game ... Commerce Heights held them to 1 ALL draw. Still, Audioslavia are all class.

Commerce Heights look like securing 2nd spot here. They smashed Berner Street 5-0 and held the super-team to a draw.

The battle for 3rd? Kelse BEAT Chicanada 3-2 but had the bye on MD15. They did well, and are not going away at all. Chicanada lost to Kelse but regained 3rd with a 2-0 win over Berner Street due to the Kelse bye. Boy, these guys are going fight to last second.

Arridia and Nedalia - they need God's help.

MD 14 - Group 9

Ocmeoub 0-6 Audioslavia
Berner Street 0-5 Commerce Heights
Pedriana 3-2 Nedalia
Kelse 3-2 Chicanada

MD 15 - Group 9
Audioslavia 1-1 Commerce Heights
Nedalia 0-2 Ocmeoub
Chicanada 2-0 Berner Street
Ariddia 1-2 Pedriana

...

Group 10

Hockey Canada are assured of group spot and Kasari will do soon.
Still 3 teams fighting over playoff spot. This is going to exciting!

Hockey Canada - 2 wins and one was over Casari! Casari had a bad time. Drawing with the last placed team and then losing to the Canucks. Still, they are should cruise into the group stage.

Majeristan - currently 3rd. They had their bye and then won their next game. They are fighting the machinations of Harlesburg - who had 2 good wins (both 3-0) over less opponents. KP - they are not out yet. One win and one draw, but they need some luck here as the others are just ahead and KP need wins.

MD 14

Magnus Valerius 0-3 Hockey Canada
Crna Gora Liv Eng 0-0 Casari
Imperial Moose 0-2 Kaze Progressa
McPsychoville 0-3 Harlesburg

MD 15
Hockey Canada 3-2 Casari
Kaze Progressa 1-1 Magnus Valerius
Harlesburg 3-0 Crna Gora Liv Eng
Majeristan 3-1 Imperial Moose

Giant Zucchini

20-03-2006, 14:05

Yet Another Own Goal!
Episode 6: The Slump Continues

Well…guess what…Mr. Green Couch Man is on his couch! Haha, kidding; he’s nowhere to be seen.

“…and that’s yet ANOTHER ball in from Boyer, he’s trying really hard here to get something for the Zucchinis, but Nuvolari gets away from his defender and that’s a good strike for the goal, but it’s probably too little too late for the Zucchinis, unless they can conjure up something in the last few minutes of this game…and they do! Vicente de Silva reacted the quickest to Kaibula’s parry…but no! The referee’s not giving it! The flag is up and he is ruled offside, no one in the stadium can believe it, de Silva is clutching his head in despair, this is cruel for the Zucchinis…and that’s the final whistle, the unfancied Emporer Pudu has done an unlikely double over the Zucchinis, leaving the Zucchinis with more than a mountain to climb…”

To be continued…

Giant Zucchini’s Department of Number Crunching and Data Spewing presents:

Match stats:

Green wombat - 3
Ens. Graves (52), SSgt. Wilcox (63, 65)

Giant Zucchini – 3
Nuvolari (44), Rilke (57, 69)

Giant Zucchini - 1
Nuvolari (88)

Emporer Pudu - 2
Vasilisk (6), Vrochen (29)

Giant Zucchini stats:

Top Goalscorers:
Johann Rilke – 5
Dino Nuvolari – 5
Armand Boyer – 3
Vicente de Silva – 2
Gottlieb Poulsen – 1
Pablo Pérez – 1
Mikhail Glinka – 1
Absamat Chekhov - 1

Yellow Cards:
Ramón Gimeno - 1

Red Cards:

The Lowland Clans

20-03-2006, 15:47

GRAHAM CITY SUN - Sports Section
Stars Fail to Take Advantage of Rolatian Bye

NICOSIA, CYPRUS - The Stars once again were unable to take advantage of a crucial game, putting them in even more dire straights to reach the playoff qualifying spot. The Stars played in City Square, to a crowd of hundreds of thousands and played there hearts out, but were unable to score against the group whipping boys The Belmore Family. Quentin Mackallen, who had the day off after an incredibly physical game against the Fighting Norris, said after the game that "he felt powerless" as ball after ball clanged a Belmorian defender, keeper, and the post and crossbar, which Aonghus Darrel hit three times during an attack late in the first half.

The Stars recorded a record thirty-three shots on goal in the whole game, and fifty-one shots during the game. Unable to meet the mark, forward Nicolae Foma who has a had a disappointing Cup tore his shirt in frustration as he left the pitch before half-time. Manager Stjepan shook his head in amazement as the Stars spent the entire game blasting at the goal. "I've never seen anything like this." With the zero-all draw giving the Stars a point on Rolatia, which is now only two points ahead of the Stars, the Stars need to steal points from Turori next week. The Stars also need to beat Yafor 2 and Baptism of fire champion Allied Anime Worlds in order to have any hope of advancing.

"It will be a tough road, but I believe we can do it," said Ryler Bloudin after the game today, "we must work hard, but we can do it.

Becquerelia

20-03-2006, 16:58

(OOC: Wondering about Becquerelia's roster, uniforms, home stadium, or whatever? We wonder no more, and head to Becquerelia's roster post (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=10526289&postcount=63).)

And we turn back around to see what's behind us:

http://www.geocities.com/becquerelia/images/andossa.gif Andossa Se Mitrin Vega - (1)__________(1) - Becquereliahttp://www.geocities.com/becquerelia/images/bnff.gif

SEA DRAGONS GRAB TIE
Becquerelia Remains Behind In Chase For Playoff

Roentgen(JNS) - The defensive style of play that characterized the majority of Becquerelia's play in the World Cup qualifying made a not-so-grand return as Andossa Se Mitrin came to Roentgen and earned a hard-fought tie.

"We saw from the first game that Andossa Se Mitrin Vega matched up very well against us. We wanted to win, but they showed that they are a good team." said Forward and recently installed Captain Peter Constantine.

The game was hard fought and physical. Each team had three players earn yellow cards, and not much offense occurred, with the first goal happening in the second half. Ceolwulf Novoselic scored in the 57th minute, and it looked as if that would be the clincher.

But the Sea Dragons had other designs, as little tauted Micah James beat a preoccupied Defender Conan Smear and buried the ball in the net, tieing the game up. Shortly after, Conan Smear was benched by a furious Head Coach Macarius Ransome. Smear was replaced by Thomas Strazzabosco, and it appears that Strazzabosco has won that fifth starting spot on the Becquerelian defense.

"We'll be trying Thomas out as a starter for the next game against Georgeonia. He's a hard worker in practice and the weight room, and can be a talented defender over the next decade." said a still visibly steamed Coach Ransome after the game. Smear was unavailable to comment.

This game also was the National Team debut for Tychon Wuestenburg, a defender who started on the U-21 National Team. He saw no playing time during this game, but hopes to see some field time in the near future.

"It's a great honor to be named to the National Team, even if I got on due to strange circumstances." Wuestenberg said, referring to Christopher Fullbright leaving the team. "I just hope I can be a productive player while I'm here."

Becquerelia's Current Results and Upcoming Schedule
Home Team Last
WIN DRAW LOSS

MD01: Becquerelia - 0 Pastorville - 2
MD02: Becquerelia - 0 Green wombat - 1
MD03: Emporer Pudu - 0 Becquerelia - 0
MD04: Lovisa - 1 Becquerelia - 1
MD05: Becquerelia - 0 Androssa Se Mitrin Vega - 2
MD06: BYE
MD07: Georgeonia - 1 Becquerelia - 1
MD08: Tadjikstan - 1 Becquerelia - 1
MD09: Becquerelia - 0 Giant Zucchini - 0
MD10: Pastorville - 1 at Becquerelia - 1
MD11: Green wombat - 0 Becquerelia - 3
MD12: Becquerelia - 1 Emporer Pudu - 0
MD13: Becquerelia - 2 Lovisa - 1
MD14: Androssa Se Mitrin Vega - 1 Becquerelia - 1
MD15: BYE
MD16: Becquerelia (3-7-3) at Georgeonia (3-4-7)
MD17: Becquerelia (3-7-3) at Tadjikistan (9-3-1)
MD18: Giant Zucchini (3-3-7) at Becquerelia (3-7-3)

Becquerelia

20-03-2006, 19:45

Cuation

20-03-2006, 20:06

Memorandum

To: The Monastic Football Association

From: Cuation FA

RE: Cheating Monks

Dear Fathers

We are sorry for what our press has accused your holy nation off, we wouldn't dream that such holy men would cheat. Part of the problems may have been the reaction from some members of your faith to Cuation's offer to host a match between Satan's team and your fine selves. There was a lot of bad feeling and the Cuation people have long memories.

As for why people can not understand the reason for the split, people tend not to be deep thinkers, anything they can not understand while drunk is considered complicated. Like taxes.

Take good care and good luck with the World Cup

Cuation FA

xxxxxx

An Archy 0-1 Cuation

After the 3-2 thriller against the Paladins, an away game against An Archy was always going to be somewhat of a let down. The team found itself drained as the game ended up as a boring long ball fest. No side looked capable of producing something speical so it was set peices that where the best bet for a goal.

Cole Took a quick freekick, playing Ashton behind the defence. His near post cross was headed on by Tanner, Rual dummying the ball so Milnar could sneak in unmarked. One cushioned header across the keeper and Cuation had the lead. 56th minute on, Cuation defended but An Archy lacked any real quality to break open the defence.

Cuation 3-1 CR Oscilloscopes

This game had the potential for an upset but thanks to good wingplay, Cuation would get the win they deserved. From kick off, Cuation kept pressing Bert Lingsten's goal but found a keeper in fine form. Rio Samba was able to contain the man in the hole with ease for most of the match.

Veteran Nicky Keano was given a start instead of Rual Mendiz. In the 10th minute he raced onto Butcher's pull back, his powerful shot nearly knocking the keeper over on its way into the net.

He doubled the lead when an Ashton freekick fizzed in, hit the underside of the bar before Keano converted. 35 minutes in and going well thoughh Keano must have regretted not socring a hatrick when he was subbed for Rual at half time.

Somewhat Cuation failed to increase their lead and in the 70th minute, conceded a goal, putting pressure on themselves. Üwe Ritz made it out of nothing, getting too a lose ball, working himself psast Sol Major before his snap shot cuaght Peter Seamen napping.

Cuation started to panic and the subbing off captian Sol Major for Jamie Hargreves did not help at all. The fear of another upset at such a time cuased the team to wilt but a hasty clearance would find Rual Mendiz who surged past the last man before nutmegging the keeper with five minutes left.

Top Three Still

Four points ahead of Collonie and five points behind the Paladins, qualifciation is ours to lose. It is doubtful if we can nick into second place but there is always a chance. Next game is against the mighty Jeruselem. We will do well to grab a point to be honest but you never know in football.

Hypocria

20-03-2006, 20:27

Two Wins in a Row? Are You Quite Sure?

After the home defeat against Legalese the pressure was on Alex Santoro’s side ahead of a tricky looking trip to Vuam and Isma. The Hyppos had already dropped points to that side following a draw in Pylos earlier in the campaign. With the qualification games’ running out a similar slip-up simply was not an option. In these sorts of circumstances Hypocria’s players tend to blow it. Fortunately, not today.

The game itself was a very even affair with the two sides trading blow for blow in the first half. Molinari stuck the Hyppos’ best chance away but Grak cancelled it out four minutes later. The second half continued in the same vein until the eightieth minute when Espartero rose highest to head home Baxter’s freekick. A tough rearguard action ensured a crucial three qualification points were coming home to the Autocracy.

But winning is simply not enough if our rivals win too. Fortunately Legalese didn’t play which enabled Hypocria to draw level with them. But Lethislavania did win, 3 – 0 in Palacetonia. They moved into that precious playoff place. Krytenia should be assured of second place but the Aces surprisingly dropped two points in Rorysville.

Pos Team P W D L GF GA GD Pts
1 Sarzonia 12 12 0 0 44 5 39 36
2 Krytenia 12 8 3 1 31 13 18 27
3 Lethislavania 12 6 1 5 22 17 5 19
4 Legalese 12 5 2 5 28 25 3 17
5 Hypocria 12 5 2 5 14 16 -2 17
6 Vuam and Isma 13 5 1 7 14 23 -9 16
7 Palacetonia 13 4 2 7 14 30 -16 14
8 Revived Constantinople 13 4 0 9 10 30 -20 12
9 Rorysville 13 1 1 11 11 29 -18 4

Matchday fifteen brought a chance for revenge as Revived Constantinople came to town. The Drissa Sports Arena was the venue for this encounter against the side that had shockingly beaten the Hyppos on matchday 6. The revival came crashing to a halt in Drissa as the men in blue and white battered their lowly ranked opponents. The final score showed a 3 – 0 win but it could have so easily have been more. Hypocrium City’s Carlo Molinari was the star of the show, bagging two goals. It was also a result that officially ended the visitor’s slim playoff hopes.

There was no good news from elsewhere as both Legalese and Lethislavania recorded home wins, 2 – 1 over Vuam and Isma and 2 – 0 against Rorysville respectively.

Pos Team P W D L GF GA GD Pts
1 Sarzonia 13 13 0 0 48 6 42 39
2 Krytenia 13 8 3 2 32 17 15 27
3 Lethislavania 13 7 1 5 24 17 7 22
4 Legalese 13 6 2 5 30 26 4 20
5 Hypocria 13 6 2 5 17 16 1 20
6 Vuam and Isma 14 5 1 8 15 25 -10 16
7 Palacetonia 13 4 2 7 14 30 -16 14
8 Revived Constantinople 14 4 0 10 10 33 -23 12
9 Rorysville 14 1 1 12 11 31 -20 4

It looks like going down to the wire. And there are some huge games coming up too with Lethislavania coming to Hypocria on matchday 17 and then travelling to Legalese on the final day. Next up for Alex Santoro’s team is a tough Verdana derby against a Krytenia side wobbling a bit in recent weeks, the Aces were held by Rorysville and then hammered by Sarzonia. Hopefully that is the sort of form they will bring to the Hyppodrome for what will surely be the hottest ticket in town.

Qualification Schedule

Hypocria v Rorysville (Drissa Sports Arena, Drissa) (2 - 1)
Hypocria v Sarzonia (Hyppodrome, Hypocrium) (1 - 3)
Rest Day
Legalese v Hypocria (1 - 3)
Hypocria v Vuam and Isma (Oceanside Stadium, Pylos) (1 - 1)
Revived Constantinople v Hypocria (2 - 1)
Krytenia v Hypocria (1 – 0)
Lethislavania v Hypocria (0 – 2)
Hypocria v Palacetonia (Hyppodrome, Hypocrium) (0 – 0)
Rorysville v Hypocria (1 – 2)
Sarzonia v Hypocria (3 – 0)
Rest Day
Hypocria v Legalese (Hyppodrome, Hypocrium) (0 – 2)
Vuam and Isma v Hypocria (1 - 2)
Hypocria v Revived Constantinople (Drissa Sports Arena, Drissa) (3 - 0)
Hypocria v Krytenia (Hyppodrome, Hypocrium)
Hypocria v Lethislavania (City of Hypocrium Stadium, Hypocrium)
Palacetonia v Hypocria

Wentland

20-03-2006, 21:03

You've never seen such a morose crowd after a 3-0 win. Shing-Shang as expected proved to be ultra-defensive. Frank Treves as expected picked the defensive pocket twice in the first half to give Wentland a cruise. A third in the second half by Cosmo Kent made it easy easy easy street.

What was feared came true. The tannoy announced at half-time that Spaam had taken the lead against Priggdom. And the score remained 1-0 to the end. Five points the gap for a play-off place.

And even worse was the stretchering off of Treves. An horrific challenge with ten minutes to go saw a red card for a Shing-Shang defender but that was no consolation. The best Wentland player out for the foreseeable future. Just as the challenge of qualification becomes Sisyphean.

***

Professor Pike explained it on "Maths Are Fun" on WBC Kids.

"Spaam has 25 points, Wentland 20. Five points difference. So in order to overhaul Spaam we need to obtain six more points in the remaining 3 games. So we need 2 wins at least and hope they lose all three. Or win all three and hope they only get one win, or three draws.

"One of those games is easy to throw into the equation because we're at home to the Spaamians. If we draw that, the highest number of points we can get is 27, which means we need 2 wins and hope Spaam lose twice.

"If we lose that, we're out.

"If we win that, the most Spaam can get is 31, which is still out of reach. But they would only have 2 games to get more points. A win and a draw takes them to 29, which is almost beyond us because of the goal difference. We still need them to lose another game.

"So what are the chances? Look at our remaining games. Home to Oliverry. Very difficult. Home to Spaam. Very nervy. Away to Haraki. Very tricky.

"What do Spaam face? Starblaydia at home. Come on you Starblaydis! If we win and Spaam lose it's suddenly 25 plays 23 with us playing them next. Oooo.

"They then have a trip to East Lithuania. If we win both our next games then it's in our hands. If we draw with Oliverry and Spaam lose we have to beat Spaam to have a chance. That would make it 25-24 against us going into the final game. Otherwise we're dead.

"But, in practice, the key for tonight is:

1. We must not lose.

2. Spaam must not win."

New Montreal States

20-03-2006, 23:17

SAME 'OL SAME 'OL

Pair of 1-1 draws makes Paladins cushion disappear

JERUSELEM - What was once a nice, safe nine-point cushion in second place has become a rapidly evaporating 5-point gap as Cuation roars ahead while the Paladins sputter.

Granted, a 1-1 draw against 14th-ranked Jeruselem on the road is nothing to be ashamed of. But a 1-1 draw against CR Oscilloscopes is something else entirely.

"We played like [unprintable]," said disappointed head coach William Branstone. "We're going to find ourselves staring down a playoff if we don't turn this around pretty [also unprintable] fast.

[OOC: I'm worn out, sorry about the B.S. RP]

PALADINS 1 - Toussaint 66
CR OSCILLOSCOPES 1 - Someone 84

PALADINS 1 - Labranche 32
JERUSELEM 1 - Someone 48

TOURNAMENT SCORING

Villeneuve 9
Labranche 4
Pilon 3
Toussaint 3
Tessier 2
Chan 1
Faulkner 1
Gordon 1
Miller 1
Yates 1

Wentland

20-03-2006, 23:44

King's Reach Tower, Fleetway. The venue for the Oliverry game. One of the hardest games Wentland would face in qualifying; and it was a must-win game.

Edgar Bluff picked as stong a team as he could muster. But Treves was injured and was replaced by Hopkins. Okey had a muscle strain and was also missing. Jones and Jenkins would reprise their centre-back pairing. Devey was finally at full fitness but could not dislodge Kent from left-back.

It was the first ever international match at the Tower. A normal looking ground except for the gigantic tower in the corner, a relic of the pleasure grounds that once stood by the Fleetbourne. Now the tower marked itself as a beacon and stand-in floodlight beckoning Wentland fans to the grail of a World Cup play-off.

The atmosphere was more taut than a rubber band stretched between the Pillars of Hercules. The crowd approached the ground, not with joyous songs or scurrilous diatribes, but with a low murmur. Wentland had never beaten Oliverry. The Francophones had been playing with a fluidity that defied any retardation in recent matches. They had beaten the mighty Starblaydi. Had that taken anything out of them? Would they ease off a little in an easier match?

Kick-off time approached. The floodlights dimmed unexpectedly, eliciting a few oohs but mainly silence. Then a chord. A fanfare. And from the giant tower emerged a beam of blue searchlight with an incessant drum beat.

DUM-DUM-DUM-DUM-DUM-DUM-DUM-DUM

The crowd joined in with their hands and feet.

DUM-DUM-DUM-DUM-DUM-DUM-DUM-DUM

Rhythmic. Hypnotic. Neanderthalic.

DUM-DUM-DUM-DUM-DUM-DUM-DUM-DUM

The light picked out the tunnel from which the players were emerging.

DUM-DUM-DUM-DUM-DUM-DUM-DUM-DUM

John Capper led out the team. Capper, bathed in the blue light, seemed invigorated by his surroundings. The Oliverrians looked bemused in their azure complexion.

DUM-DUM-DUM-DUM-DUM-DUM-DUM-DUM

The searchlight followed the players to their line-up before the anthems were played.

DUM-DUM-DUM-DUM-DUM-DUM-DUM-DUM

Still no floodlight, just the searchlight, changing to a pallid red for the Oliverry team in their harlequin shirt. Then a vivid hyperblue for the Swifts. And Capper was transcended beyond the game.

DUM-DUM-DUM-DUM-DUM-DUM-DUM-DUM

Kick-off...the lights back on...Capper though still apparently entranced...

Audioslavia

20-03-2006, 23:52

http://www.geocities.com/lifeobrien/bull.txt
Bulldogs Block Bull's Record
and like that... the records all disappear

Arturo Vitalis' sixteenth minute goal equalled Audioslavia's record of goals without reply; with their eighteen goals without conceding any being on par with a similar run in World Cup 20. It also helped continue Vitalis' impressive record of scoring in every game of the qualifiers, but there was to be no win at the end for the Audioslavians.

The CH Bulldogs' seventy-fourth minute equaliser, scored after several minutes of pressure in a game that was far more competitive than the 'slaves were used to after their heavy wins in their past four games, put an end to the long clean sheet that Yngve had kept since the Berner Street game. Of course, being 1-1 near the end of the game is not strange for a 'slave side who have come from behind to win no less than five times this season, but the CH defence was by far more resoloute than the 'slaves expected, and the game ended in a 1-1 draw.

FINAL SCORE
AUDIOSLAVIA (Vitalis 16)
COMMERCE HEIGHTS (Player 74)

The result was obviously a dissappointment to the 'slave faithful, although the team remains upbeat, remarking upon how the side are still unbeaten and still guaranteed a qualifying spot. Of course, with just three games left, Audioslavia are certain to take top spot in the group, but then they have been, for all intents and purposes if not mathetically, for a while now.

Elsewhere in the group, Chicanada got themselves an important win over Berner Street to get themselves back into the playoff places, but remain just a point ahead of Kelse who had a bye game today. The next matchday will see Chicanada host the 'slaves in an important match for the Chicanadans. Victory may not be imperative, but with Kelse also due to the play the seemingly invincible (heya fate, look fate i've got a cookie, c'mere...) Audioslavia later on, a result for Chicanada against the 'slaves may just give them a huge advantage over Kelse, who have what seems to be a home banker against lowly Berner Street.

Nedalia and Ariddia have all but bowed out of the competition after dissappointing runs in the qualifiers, both sides lost home matches against the bottom two nations in the group. This writer is going to go right ahead and call Nedalia's performance absoloutely pathetic in light of the early promise they showed in the tournament. Ariddia's has also been an under-par performance by their standards, but they weren't expected to qualify.

So. Thats it for the 100% record. It was nice while it lasted, and twelve wins in a row will be an Audioslavian record for some time yet, but its over. Get back to your day jobs.

I've been Jeremy Jaffacake, g'nite bitches.

The Archregimancy

20-03-2006, 23:52

THE ARCHREGIMANCY BRINGS YOU

WORLD CUP TONIGHT

With Fr. Nicholas the Scribe and Fr. John the Golden-Throated

"So... Fr. John.... Seems we've finally sorted out that Cuation nonsense."

"Absolutely, Fr. Nicholas. Seems some renegade elements of the Cuation media were upset at our suspicions over their potential over-familiarity with Satan in WC26 qualifying. It's a bit like Swilatia - while local media accuse us of any number of unGodly things and wanton sins, government officials do not necessarily share those views. I for one consider the matter closed."

"At least until the next time someone unjustly accuses us of cheating...."

"You said it, Fr. Nicholas"

"Anyway, what about the football match, Fr. John?"

"Ah... The Footie Dream Team. At Home. An odd game this one. With not a single home fan attending due to Lent, and not a single visiting supporter travelling to follow the apathetic cellar-dwellers, the 80,000 capacity Dreamed Stadium had a slightly odd atmosphere. Fortunately, a team of oneirologists used the half-time break to dream away the upper section of the ground, so there were only 40,000 empty seats for the second half, but it was still an odd feeling.

With no one in attendance, no cameras trained on the match, and no reporters in attendance, it took me a while to find out what happened, especially since the home team went straight back to their monasteries and hermitages after the game. But I can exclusively reveal that we won 3-0 thanks to a brace from Fr. Basil the Faster and a late penalty - for the second match in a row - by Fr. David. God be praised!"

"Well, quite frankly Fr. John, that's probably about as much effort as a match against the Footie Nightmares warrants. Why waste effort on an easy win against a team whose involvement has been minimal?"

"More or less my thoughts exactly, Fr. Nicholas - so why don't you take us through the other group 6 matches?"

"Don't mind if I do, Fr. John. The big result of course is: Rejistania 2-0 Praying2God, and much as it pains me to admit it, there's many an Archregimancy football supporter who will have wanted the heathens to have beaten the heretics. PrayingFalsely2God are definitely having a wobble, and that result surely improves our chances of direct qualification. Then there's Rordia 4-0 Popolus - the Rordians are now 3 points ahead of the heretical warriors, and are threatening to cause an almighty upset. Not an Almighty upset, mind. Finally there's: Swilatia 3-3 New Preussen. Not a particularly important result, that one, except to prove that the Teutonic Knights have shown the ability to cause the occasional upset.

All of which leaves the group table looking like this:

Pos Team P W D L GF GA GD Pts
1 The Archregimancy 13 10 2 1 31 13 18 32
2 Rejistania 13 10 1 2 25 8 17 31
3 Rordia 13 7 3 3 24 15 9 24
4 Praying2God 13 6 3 4 26 16 10 21
5 Swilatia 13 4 4 5 21 26 -5 16
6 Bazalonia 13 3 4 6 20 18 2 13
7 Popolus 14 2 5 7 13 29 -16 11
8 New Preussen 14 3 2 9 13 30 -17 11
9 The Footie Dream Team 14 1 4 9 12 30 -18 7

So by my estimation, one more win in the last three matches will see us qualify, God be praised."

"It's almost as if the Lord is sanctifying this Lenten football season, Fr. Nicholas."

"Perhaps, Fr. John, but who are we to presume knowledge of the ways of the Lord?"

The Islands of Qutar

21-03-2006, 00:01

Cere Scribe

Qualification or Not?

With The Islands of Qutar currently lying in fourth place in Group XII, two points behind Kericia things are looking on the grim side for Paul Dove's team. With a poor first half in qualifying losing to The Macabees, then only managing two draws against Kericia and Apologetic Kittens. And with Kericia staying just ahead of The Islands of Qutar the next two games will be the crucial of the third place qualification spot, and coming out of a narrow 1-0 win over an unranked San Adriano side, things could be better for us. Are next game pits us against Schiavonia who have done exceedingly well in qualification, and narrowly edged us out in our last match, but with the game being crucial The Islands of Qutar will be playing at their best, and with the next two games being at home the support will be almighty. This is how the table looks like at the moment;

Pos Team P W D L GF GA GD Pts
1 Squornshelous 13 11 1 1 52 13 39 34
2 Schiavonia 13 11 1 1 28 12 16 34
3 Kericia 13 7 4 2 21 12 9 25
4 The Islands of Qutar 13 7 2 4 24 17 7 23
5 The Macabees 13 2 6 5 13 23 -10 12
6 Apologetic Kittens 13 1 7 5 12 24 -12 10
7 Jon Parkin 14 2 4 8 22 38 -16 10
8 San Adriano 14 2 3 9 6 24 -18 9
9 Spaamanian Plijous 14 2 2 10 8 23 -15 8

Matchday 16: The Islands of Qutar vs Schiavonia
Matchday 17: The Islands of Qutar vs Kericia
Matchday 18: Apologetic Kittens vs The Islands of Qutar

Paul Dove and he's boys are really going to have to work hard to get the results they need, and even if they get the playoff spot, they still have to better a side in two legs, and then have to be on top form for the World Cup itself.

Ariddia

21-03-2006, 00:19

1 point away from elimination

A hugely disappointing loss to Pedriana on home ground has seen somewhat dispirited Ariddians watch that elusive third qualifying spot slip even further out of reach. Not even a goal by sixteen year-old prodigy Hanifah Kyaw was enough to save the Rouge-et-Noirs from a more efficient Pedrianan side, which grabbed three well-deserved points from the encounter.

The Ariddians made a number of mistakes, their defence starting to look almost as weak as it had in the “bad old days”. The team’s best defender, the ever-reliable Yves al Jahdali, left the pitch without a word after the match, frowning and avoiding journalists. Even the usually open, charismatic Clément and Kyaw had little to say.

“I’ll talk to you later,” Clément told the press, shaking his head as he returned quickly to the changing rooms. Kyaw followed silently in his stead.

“We’re not out yet.” The team’s coach, Adam Seul, made some attempt at least to sound a note of optimism. “This just means we need to win all our matches from now on. We played sloppily today, but we just need to learn from our mistakes. It can be done.”

“See you in four years,” Ismail Faraj allegedly told one journalist with a bitter smile, adequately summing up the mood of most Ariddians today.

The Islands of Qutar

21-03-2006, 00:45

Teletext The Islands of Qutar Results/Fixtures #303

Matchday 1: The Islands of Qutar [2] - [1] Spaamanian Plijous
Ali, 35, 80 Belmore, 39

Matchday 2: The Islands of Qutar [1] - [3] Squornshelous
Ali, 24 Ogbadan, 8, 62
Xenakis, 87
Matchday 3: Bye

Matchday 4: The Macabees [2] - [1] The Islands of Qutar
Großkopf, 17 N. Saunders, 39
Siedlitz, 90

Matchday 5: The Islands of Qutar [5] - [1] Jon Parkin
Ali, 2, 25, 71 Parkin, 79
Siese, 14
Gordon, 54

Matchday 6: San Adriano [0] - [3] The Islands of Qutar
Siese, 19, 43, 66

Matchday 7: Schiavonia [2] - [1] The Islands of Qutar
Tarmey, 44 Ali, 13
Topp, 87

Matchday 8: Kericia [1] - [1] The Islands of Qutar
Brehm, 20 Siese, 87

Matchday 9: The Islands of Qutar [1] - [1] Apologetic Kittens
Ali, 15 Moore, 89

Matchday 10: Spaamanian Plijous [0] - [2] The Islands of Qutar
Tomlin, 14
Ali, 59

Matchday 11: Squornshelous [3] - [0] The Islands of Qutar
Petrov, 34
Ogbadan, 67
Xenakis, 72

Matchday 12: Bye

Matchday 13: The Islands of Qutar [3] - [2] The Macabees
Ali, 65, 80 Großkopf, 39, 45
Siese, 72

Matchday 14: Jon Parkin [1] - [3] The Islands of Qutar
Parkin, 67 Gordon, 12
Siese, 56
Ali, 68

Matchday 15: The Islands of Qutar [1] - [0] San Adriano
J. Lemkes, 47

Matchday 16: The Islands of Qutar vs Schiavonia

Matchday 17: The Islands of Qutar vs Kericia

Matchday 18: Apologetic Kittens vs The Islands of Qutar

The Islands of Qutar

21-03-2006, 00:58

Teletext Top Scorers #304

Name Goals
------------- -----
Ali 12
Tom Siese 7
John Gordon 2
Nick Saunders 1
Sam Tomlin 1
James Lemkes 1

Teletext Top Assists #305

Name Assits
------------- ------
Sam Tomlin 6
Tom Siese 5
Ali 4
Chris Saunders 4
John Gordon 3
David Parker 2

Teletext Yellow/Red Cards #306

Name Yellow Cards Red Cards
------------- ----------- ----------
Dominic Kelly 2 0
Nick Saunders 1 0
John Gordon 1 0
Ali 1 0

The Islands of Qutar

21-03-2006, 01:23

Teletext The Islands of Qutar vs Schiavonia #301

Tonights upcoming game against Schiavonia should be a close fought contest with
Qutar needing all the points they can get hold of, and with the Ali and Siese
rested in the last game against San Adriano they should be eager for goal.
Paul Dove and his squad have been spotted doing extra training sessions, when
time had been initially planned for a rest. Well the players are eager for a
victory, but Schiavonia are very much in form with and astonishing run so far in
qualifying. So they will make tough opposition, but with a home crowd will
things be in Qutar's favour?

Likely Starting Line-Ups;

The Islands of Qutar Schiavonia
------------------- ----------

Peter Stone Kershaw
Nick Saunders O'Kane
Dominic Kelly Park
David Howell Marsden
William Lemkes Smith
Sam Tomlin Sanderson
Chris Saunders [C] Moore
John Gordon Weir
David Parker Di Mascherenasi
Ali Tarmey
Tom Siese McAndrew

Rejistania

21-03-2006, 01:40

From the KaMaRi Update:

Praying won't help!

The Orange-Blues defeated the Praying2God National team in the match in the Estadije Sen-La-Sa~o Relekhati. This shows that the Orange-Blues despite their performance (or lack of it) against the Archregimancy can still dispatch Fundamentalists in style. After Jeri Kis missed the match before due to family problems, today he played again and parried some dangerous shots excellently. The Praying2God team played quite attackingly, but the rejistanian defense was able to cope with the attacks quite well and the few dangerous shots were dealt with by Kis'he. The attacks of the Orange-Blues were not as often, since despite all attempts of Seletarakeledira Hanselijimijile to change it, the Orange-Blues are not attack-minded at all. Manatha~e Hihtaka~o headed a freekick by Isi I Mji~l into the goal and Haraira Tamak~hi cooly capitalized a misunderstanding in the defense of the Praying2God team to make the final score 2:0. The Orange-Blues are still behind the fundamentalist blood drinkers (in their ceremonies, bread and wine are symbolically changed into flesh and blood of Christus) from the Archregimancy.

Fmjphoenix

21-03-2006, 04:07

Matchday 16 Scores (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showthread.php?p=10611081#post10611081) are now available.

Haraki

21-03-2006, 04:13

Hawks Follow Up Exhibition Win with Trip to Priggdom
From the Haraki News Network Print Edition

Daily Sports Blurb by Sam Sherman. The Haraki Hawks finished off their game against the Kiros Tigers 2-0. Hawks keeper Mark Stone was back in good form against the Kiros Tigers as he stopped all shots against him, and Thomas Neils and Luke Ford managed goals at, respectively, 23 and 49 minutes in.

However, the Hawks' hopes of qualification dropped significantly as Spaam secured a victory and another three points, putting Haraki a full three points behind them. With games to go against Priggdom, Starblaydia and Wentland, and with Spaam unlikely to fail every game, it seems the Hawks may have failed to qualify for the World Cup.

However, hope still remains for the Hawks. Mathematically, it is still possible for them to qualify, albeit only through the playoff for third-place contenders. But even still, there is a slim chance for the Hawks in their endless quest for guts and glory.

Collonie

21-03-2006, 05:23

However in Collonie, a letter was sent from inside Collonie to the Collonie's National Football association. The letter was blank and contained some white powder. The powder was nothing of itself dangerous but it looked alot like Anthrax. It was sent as a warning, hopefully the Collonites would take notice of it.

Next Matchday was a bye... Lions wanted to see what Cheetah, the new coach, could do before killing him.

The Head of the Collonian FA Thomaskey Matiola started the day just like any other. He sat down saw the daily memos then turned to his mail. He opened the first letter,
"Dear Sir,
We would like to inform you that Clyde Misterson has gotten the player of the group award for leading Collonie in goals, assists and points. While nobody actually knows of this achievement outside of Collonie we assure that it is true.

Sincerely,
Philip Majes, Milchamian FA.

The rest of the mail went on in the same tone. Either praising Misterson or asking for the services of some Collonian player for the MFL. Then he opened his final piece of mail.

It was white without a return address and did not seem to have a letter inside. Matiola decided to let his bodyguard open it. The letter only contained white powder which, while looking like anthrax, was only sugar. Matiola then decided to tell King Fishhook about the insident.

King Fishhook insisted that he knew what post office the letter was sent from, the letter was sent from the Mepac district which was filled of the violent minority group, the Katulas. These Katulas had several times tried to break away from Collonie and Fishhook decided to investigate the letter so that he would have an excuse to declare civil war.

"So who are the letters from?" Fishhook asked. "Some guy from this weird country called Atheistic Right came here and sent them. He came in sent the letters and left. They are also in our world cup qualifying group and he sent the letter after we beat those Darwinists 3-0. Misterson, of course, getting the hattrick."

Fishhook thought about it and decided, well I have one alternative, DECLARE WAR ON ATHEISTIC RIGHT! So that's what he did.

Parid Subjagation Post

Collonie Declare War on Atheistic Right

Late last night after yesterday's soccer match against the Atheistic Right Archeopteri some anthrax like substance came into the possesion of FA President Thomaskey Matiola. After some investigation by authorities this anthrax like substance was sent by a person from Atheistic Right, who was clearly started a dasterdly plot to take over the nation of Collonie. This left our glorious King John Fishhook with one option, to declare war to stop the traitors and rightists from Atheistic Right from taking over the proud and glorious nation of Collonie.

We will mobilize all our forces in the morning. If you are between the ages of 18-35 male or female be ready to serve your country.

Sarzonia

21-03-2006, 05:49

Stars 'gaining focus' win going away

20 March 2006 -- With results like Liverpool England being held 2-2 by the Yafor 2 side coached by former Sarzonian national team field boss Barry Owens coming in, some observers were expecting that tonight's matchup between a Sarzonia side that has already faced its sternest test of the World Cup qualifying session by throttling Krytenia and a Lethislavania selection still fighting for a playoff spot would be a cause for a let down.

But that wouldn't give enough credit to Dave Wilson and the Stars. The team continued its run as the only team without either a draw or a loss, improving to 14-0-0 with a convincing 4-0 win away to Lethislavania in Sarzonia's first visit to Haven since the country's nine day sojurn as a part of that region.

Forward Kevin Wilson played as if an afternoon pep talk by older brother and potential Hall of Fame inductee Brian Wilson did him some good, as he scored three of Sarzonia's four goals. Brian Williams scored the fourth and the Stars were never threatened.

"Every time I give a speech to these guys about maintaining their focus, I wonder if I should just save my breath," Dave Wilson said after the match. "This team has shown a great level of consistency of focus throughout World Cup qualifying. You'd think if this team were going to try to wrest the number one ranking from Bedistan during qualifying, these lads would find a way to do it. I've never seen a team so supremely motivated in my life."

Wilson shrugged when asked if he said anything about his tenure as the national team coach or if he did anything to motivate the Stars.

"They still have to get out there and play for 90 minutes," he said. "This team has been as easy to coach for me as the World Cup XXII team has been, if not easier. Right now, we're playing like a team with a real opportunity to be a special, special football team. I don't know that any of it's my doing. Barry had a lot to do with the youth movement and Sir Douglas has done a fine job of trying to get our youth programme back off the ground."

Dave Wilson said the prospect of re-entering a team in the Under 21 World Cup "hasn't come up," but he also suggested the Under 21s would compete in the AOCAF tournament instead of a second choice team made of players who didn't make the senior national team.

"We need to do a better job of developing our younger players in a competitive environment," he said. "Right now, we don't really have a Under 21 national team and we don't have an entry competing for that World Cup. After what happened the last time we had a team competing there, I don't know if our lads would even be welcome in Total 'n Utter Insanity, but we have to make sure that our youth programme is in position to support our senior national team the way it does in other countries in the world."

Perhaps Wilson will focus on that another day. Right now, the present looks awfully good to Wilson and his team.

"We're very mindful that it's hard to turn intensity off and turn it back on again," forward Kenny Cooper said. "We need to make sure that these last two matches don't end up being signs that we're going to lose our focus when it matters the most."

[NS]Bazalonia

21-03-2006, 05:54

"Nil-all and other Mysteries" by Nev Gould

Despite the field being being a quagmire. The Bazalopes where forced to play away at Populous. The field was virtually unplayable. How the officials allowed the game to be played in such conditions was a serious point of contention. Speculation was "That was the only way they could get a point", this was a theory espoused my many of the Bazalope support team though names have been withheld for privacy reasons. Though another possible reason for the problem was the recent overnight declaration of War by Collonie on Atheistic Right after Atheistic Right Allegidly sent the Collonie Football Association an "Anthrax-like substance".

Exactly what the substance was and if members of the CFA actually got sick from it have not been released but it is clear that Neil Kabants mind is certainly not on the job. "I have a number of relatives and I am scared of what those animals might do to them." The animals he was refering to, of-course was Atheistic Right who strangely enough, give animal code-names to everyone who is in the International Spotlight. Exactly how Atheistic Right os going to respond is anyone guess but from what I have seen of these people. Particularily if certain rumours are true they are not people to mess around with.

Atheistic Right

21-03-2006, 06:11

War Declared

To All People of Atheistic Right;

The Religous Wackos of Collonie have gone too far, not only do they fail to see the truth behind their failed religious Ideologies but now they have decided to stop the Truth of Atheism. They have declared War for no other reason that they find us repugnant. In response to the War all people aged 14 and above are hereby conscripted into the Atheistic Right Armed Forces. The National Football team the Atheistic Right Archeopteri will be exempted from this conscription while the World Cup is still in progress. Any host matches that are left will still be run and any Football team entering Atheistic Right will be escorted by an Armed Guard to ensure their safety for the entire length of their stay.

All Citizens of Atheistic Right of ages 14 and Above please report to your local ARAF recruitment station today.

Ministery of External Affairs and War

Wentland

21-03-2006, 06:42

The Starblaydis had done thier bit. The scores came through at half-time and it was 3-0 to them in Spaam. With the scores level at 1-1, Wentland had to go for it in the second half to steal the victory against Oliverry.

Instead it was Oliverry that stole the win. Two breakaway goals in the face of a relentless Wentland attack - one in injury time as everyone pushed up at a corner - meant the Swifts had a mountain to climb merely to reach the play-offs. The team could barely be bothered to kick off after the body blow of the third goal, the referee seemingly sympathetically blowing the whistle within seconds of Smith touching the ball to Hopkins and slumping to the turf.

The formula was even simpler now. Two games, two wins. That was it. Had to do it. If the final two games were both Swift victories it did not matter whether Haraki won their other game, Wentland would be guaranteed fourth.

But fourth was not good enough. Third was required. And to get that third place Spaam had to lose to East Lithuania. Oh, there was an outside chance on goal difference if that game ended in a draw. But that realistically required a three-goal tonking of the Spaamians - and apart from the implosion to Starblaydia Spaam had never looked like going down by such a large score.

The Wentland footy fans could only look on with envy at some of the other groups. The draw had indeed not been kind. Nanakaland, whom Wentland dismantled in WC XXVI, were heading for a play-off spot at least. Harlesburg had been their usual dull selves but again were heading for a play-off spot. Whoever the third team in Group 8 would be paired off with looked beatable. Suddenly the home defeat to Haraki and the dodgy refereeing in Priggdom came back to mind...those six points would have done very nicely, thank you...

Time to plan for the Cup of Harmony?

Qazox

21-03-2006, 06:46

QAZOX CITY HERALD

The Black Oxen enjoyed their day off watching the Milchama-Vilita match in the locker room before a mid-afternoon practice. They winced when Milchama went up 1-0, cheered as Vilita tied it and eventually took the lead 2-1 just before halftime. But the second half wasn't too kind the the Black oXen as they watched Milchama come back and win 3-2. This means that Milchama has the advantage going into the last 2 matches for qualifaction. Milchama leads Qazox by 2 points and they are both even on Goal differential, but the Black Oxen are behind on total goals.

Tommorrow's Match vs. Valertinette looms large as a win will at worst keep Qazox only 2 points down. And tomorrow's Milchama-Elrich match could help the Black Oxen as an Elrich win or draw, with a Qazox win would put us back into third place. It may all come down to Match day 18 when Qazox hosts a qualified Vilita, who may not be sending their best as they rest up for the World Cup. Milchama in MD18 will travel to Hiiraan, but since Hiiraan is no loner in existance, the match probably will be won by Milchama. Thus Qazox is Asking the Holy Oxen to poop on Milchama's porch and cause them not to win tommorrow. Here's today's score and Standings:

Group 3
Elrich 0-1 Eauz
Milchama 3-2 Vilita
Valertinette 0-3 Tanah Burung
Dorian and Sonya 1-0 Hiiraan

Blue is Already Qualifed, red is Eliminated, Italics is still eligible for 3rd place.

Pos Team P W D L GF GA GD Pts
1 Eauz 14 11 2 1 41 7 34 35
2 Vilita 14 10 2 2 38 14 24 32
3 Milchama 14 6 4 4 23 24 -1 22
4 Qazox 14 6 2 6 16 17 -1 20
5 Tanah Burung 14 6 1 7 22 22 0 19
6 Dorian and Sonya 15 5 2 8 14 28 -14 17
7 Elrich 14 5 1 8 16 25 -9 16
8 Hiiraan 14 3 4 7 10 16 -6 13
9 Valertinette 15 2 2 11 9 36 -27 8

Qazox's Qualifing Schedule

Match Day One--@ Elrich LOST 0-3
Match Day Two--Vs. Hiiraan LOST 0-1 at Fromburg Field, Fromburg: Attendence: 17,000
Match Day Three--Vs. Dorian and Sonya WON 2-0 at Estadia Pika, Pika City: Attendence: 77,988.
Match Day Four--Vs. Eauz LOST 0-1 at SaxerDome, Saxervilla: Attendence: 85,000.
Match Day Five-- @ Milchama WON 4-2
Match Day Six--Vs. Tanah Burung LOST 0-1 at SaxerDome, Saxervilla: Attendance: 42,000.
Match Day Seven--Exhibition vs. Graverville(QFL Champion) WON 5-0 at Qazian Memorial Stadium, Qazox City: Attendence: 79,250.
Match Day Eight--@ Valertinette WON 2-1
Match Day Nine--@ Vilita Draw 2-2
Match Day Ten--Vs. Elrich WON 1-0 at Rockport Field at Harborside, Rockport: Attendance: 71,200.
Match Day Eleven--@ Hiiraan LOST 0-1
Match Day Twelve--@ Dorian and Sonya WON 1-0
Match Day Thirteen--@ Eauz LOST 0-2
Match Day Fourteen--Vs. Milchama Draw 1-1 at Qazian Memorial Stadium, Qazox City: Attendence: 79,250.
Match Day Fifeeen--@ Tanah Burung WON 3-2
Match Day Sixteen--BYE DATE
Match Day Seventeen--Vs. Valertinette at Fromburg Field, Fromburg: Capacity:78,963.
Match Day Eighteen-- Vs. Vilita at Qazian Memorial Stadium, Qazox City: Capacity: 79,250.

The Archregimancy

21-03-2006, 07:17

THE ARCHREGIMANCY BRINGS YOU

WORLD CUP TONIGHT

With Fr. Nicholas the Scribe and Fr. John the Golden-Throated

"So, Fr. John.... Qualification potentially imminent, and our opponents are Praying2God, heretical Sabellianites who handed us our only loss of the campaign so far - a 6-1 drubbing at the height of the Lenten controversy when only 9 players, including Coach Kyrill, Metropolitan of Solvetsky, took the field - it doesn't get any better than this!"

"Indeed not, Fr. Nicholas - so let's go straight to the commentary...

----------------------------------
"...taking the field. And with the opponents being the World Cup's leading protestant heretics, it looks like every monastery in the Archregimancy has given their monks leave to attend tonight's match.

<2 hours later>

...and with the liturgy over, it's kick-off! Both teams will be eager to get a result, our brave monastic lads because a win will guarantee them automatic qualification, the heretical visitors because their entire qualification campaign is hanging from a thread.

<16th minute>

Praying2God win a corner. It's sent in... total chaos in the goal area... and... IT'S IN THE NET! I can't quite see who scored from here, but it was an almighty goalmouth scramble, and someone managed to poke the ball home. 1-0 to the heretics, and oh my... they're taunting the home fans with their heretical prayers right here on the field of play, and the locals are letting them have it with a firm round of polyphonic Orthodox hallelujahs!

<34th minute>

...Fr. Silouan on the edge of the area, he shoots.... he scores!!!! Fr. Silouan of the Seventy Caves conjures up a goal out of nowhere!!! How does he do that? And the crowd go wild!!! Yes, they're singing a troparion of St. Silouan in the 2nd tone in honour of the saint's namesake goal-scoring forward - this is stirring stuff.

<half-time>

... and at half-time it's 1-1. And I've just heard that the score in Rordia is Rordia 0 - Rejistania 0. By my reckoning, if the scores stay the same, the Archregimancy will qualify!

<59th minute>

...Praying2God are throwing everything forward in an attempt to score, but Fr. Dmitri and Fr. Michael the Greater are calm and resolute at the centre of defence. I think the lads will be happy if it ends this way. Qualification is more important than winning - or helping the heretics by losing.

<90th minute>
....the crowd are singing Hallelujahs to the rafters. The final whistle has blown in Rordia, and that match has ended 0-0 - if the result here at the Archregimancy holds, we'll qualify at the fourth attempt!!! Oh my.... Fr. Justinian tips a last, desperate shot round the post, it's a corner.... NO IT ISN'T!!!! THE FINAL WHISTLE BLOWS!!!! THE ARCHREGIMANCY QUALIFY FOR THE WORLD CUP!!!!!! GOD. BE. PRAISED

Scenes of utter calm and contemplation here at the Dreamed Stadium as the entire home support drops to its knees in silent prayers of thanksgiving!!!! Amazing scenes!!!!!"
-----------------------------------

"Not really much to add after that, Fr. John, is there?"

"Not really, Fr. Nicholas. Any disappointment the lads might feel at failing to avenge that 6-1 loss to Praying2God is more than compensated by the fact that we've finally qualified for the tournament proper - while the heretics are struggling just to make the playoffs..."

"But virgin-sacrificing heathens have also qualified from our group... what sort of lesson are we supposed to take from that?"

"Oh, don't worry, Fr. Nicholas. I'm not claiming any divine intervention in Praying2God's discomfort - just taking some mild, if potentially slightly sinful, personal pleasure in qualifying over a team that consistently predicted they'd finish above us. As New Prussen recently reminded us... we monks are only human after all.

See you in Bedistan or Fmjphoenix"

Pos Team P W D L GF GA GD Pts
1 The Archregimancy 14 10 3 1 32 14 18 33
2 Rejistania 14 10 2 2 25 8 17 32
3 Rordia 14 7 4 3 24 15 9 25
4 Praying2God 14 6 4 4 27 17 10 22
5 Swilatia 14 4 5 5 22 27 -5 17
6 Bazalonia 14 3 5 6 20 18 2 14
7 Popolus 15 2 6 7 13 29 -16 12
8 New Preussen 14 3 2 9 13 30 -17 11
9 The Footie Dream Team 15 1 5 9 13 31 -18 8

Dorian and Sonya

21-03-2006, 08:17

Life Support Turned Off - Unicorns Handle Hiiraan

Queen Sonya sat in her box and watched as the Mystical Unicorns played a very good match and managed to defeat the Ghosts of the Hiiraan squad 1-0. Everything seemed to be going well for the young squad. Two victories in two days as they tried to keep their slim hopes alive.

Now she wondered if she had the heart to tell them that it didn’t make a difference anyway. Milchama had pulled a surprising upset over Vilita and that had ended the Cinderella story for the Unicorns. But it had been a great experience so far. The squad had earned a draw against Milchama, and beaten Tanah Burung, Vilita, and Elrich as well. 17 points for a side ranked 211th was nothing to complain about.

But it would be hard to tell the girls about being eliminated. The bye date should ease that pain just a bit as they prepared to face eauz on the final Match Day. Perhaps one more shocker was in the cards for the Mystical Unicorns.

Andossa Se Mitrin Vega

21-03-2006, 08:19

http://i14.photobucket.com/albums/a318/stormgiantxxxl/ASMVFNN.jpg
Heated Race For 3rd In Full Swing

This is Kellan Kildan reporting for the final time this round from Stadii Se Draggonnii Arcea. Both remaining matches are unfortunately on the road.

And what to say about today’s match against Tadjikistan - NOTHING! WE SUCKED! A 4-0 score proves that fact.

Now to the heart of our qualifying hopes. The Sea Dragons have two matches remaining. The first comes in the form of a visit to Giant Zucchini and the second is a trip to Pastorville. Two very tough matches that will decide our fate.

Currently ASMV is tightly holding on to that important third position. But wins from Pastorville and Bequeleria have them just one point behind us on the board. The good news is that none of the three of us has an easy time in the final two matches. Let me show you.

MD17
Giant Zucchini plays host to ASMV
Lovisa plays host to Pastorville
Tadjikistan plays host to Bequeleria.

The top 3 ranked squads in the group host the 3 trying to qualify. Giant Zucchini has been struggling, but they are still ranked much higher than the Sea Dragons. Lovisa and the Tadjiks have been really tough and look to be hard earned points for the visitors.

MD18 - This one will decide everything.

Pastorville plays host to ASMV
Bequeleria plays host to Giant Zucchini.

If Bequeleria wilts under the pressure of these two final matches, the Pastorville vs. ASMV match could be the deciding factor in who is still alive.

There are other scenarios in which things can work out, but with our goal differential we really need to steal at least a point in each remaining match. Other than that we could be looking at yet another CoH berth.

Tadjikistan

21-03-2006, 11:09

TIgers visit Sea Dragons
By Simon Grinchik, part time sportsjournalist

It was a visit the Sea Dragons would remember. The Tadjik Tigers came, saw and conquered four points to add to their total of 33. Everyone's happy, except Coach Alexander Zaev, who believes the Sea Dragons could use those points.

Lavr Kornilov did not ome along, according to another journalist, he was having trouble climbing out of the dumpster he ended up in last night, the alcohol was still doing its job. But all the others were there, and though some were still struggling with a headache, they were all ready for tha match.

A match that quickly became a Pliiev show, or as Gurchev explained it: 'He never drinks and he's been in ASMV right before the qualifications. He was well prepared for this match.' Michael Pliiev scored once and assisted the Tadjik strikers in their scoring twice. The match was already over when Zyrianov made the fourth goal from a cornershot.

'I do feel somwhat bad that we won against the Sea Dragons, of all the teams in our group, this is the one i'd give that second qualification ticket to.' Zaev said when he returned to the lockerroom, adding that they'd try to help out 'We'll play at our very best tomorrow against Becquerelia. I dont think Pastorville is going to beat the Lovisans so all the Sea Dragons have to do is win their match.

Andossa Se Mitrin Vega - 0
-
Tadjikistan - 4
Saradov '28, Pliiev '45, Zyrianov '52 '68

Pos Team P W D L GF GA GD Pts
1 Tadjikistan 14 10 3 1 39 8 31 33
2 Lovisa 14 9 3 2 36 11 25 30
3 Andossa Se Mitrin Vega 14 6 2 6 17 26 -9 20
4 Becquerelia 14 4 7 3 12 11 1 19
5 Pastorville 14 6 1 7 10 13 -3 19
6 Emporer Pudu 15 4 5 6 13 23 -10 17
7 Giant Zucchini 14 3 4 7 20 23 -3 13
8 Georgeonia 15 3 4 8 10 22 -12 13
9 Green wombat 14 3 3 8 14 34 -20 12

Fixtures:
MD1: Stay home, do nothing
MD2: Giant Zucchini - Tadjikistan W 1-3
MD3: Tadjikistan - Pastorville W 2-0
MD4: Green Wombat - Tadjikistan W 0-4
MD5: Tadjikistan - Emperor Pudu D 1-1
MD6: Lovisa - Tadjikistan L 2-1
MD7: Tadjikistan - Andossa Se Mitrin Vega W 3-0
MD8: Becquerelia - Tadjikistan D 1-1
MD9: Tadjikistan - Georgonia D 1-1
MD10: Stay home again, do nothing
MD11: Tadjikistan - Giant Zucchini W 3-1
MD12: Pastorville - Tadjikistan W 0-4
MD13: Tadjikistan - Green Wombat W 6-0
MD14: Emperor Pudu - Tadjikistan W 0-4
MD15: Tadjikistan - Lovisa W 2-1
MD16: Andossa se Mitrin Vega - Tadjikistan W 0-4
MD17: Tadjikistan - Becquerelia
MD18: Georgonia - Tadjikistan

Tadjik Goalscorers:
Zyrianov - 12
Saradov - 9
Tulberdiev - 7
Pliiev - 4
Kirponos - 2
Kornilov - 2
Priore - 1
Gurchev - 1
Zverev - 1

Tynelia

21-03-2006, 12:43

“Hello, everyone and welcome to another edition of Tynelian Soocer Weekly. As always this is Sal Spikeman along with Anna Dalespin bringing you the latest from Tynelia’s first visit to the World Cup. Although the team is offoically eliminated, team Tynelia has not rolled over and played dead. In what is most likely his last start in the Cup., Vladimar Malloy rebounded nicely from some tough outings for a nice 2-0 shutout of the Algal States. However, Tynelia did not gain any ground in the race for fourth. The Weegies triumphed as expected over New Chakovnia by a 3-0 score. And in a bit of a surprise that probably shouldn’t be one, the Kazoo Peoples upset favored Bettia in a 5-3 shootathon. While based on their respective records it could be seen as a bigger upset than it was, in reality this was the number three seed at home beating the number two. With the surprise of Nanakaland some people may forget that Nakaland is actually the fourth seed and not number three. Nanakaland by the way went down to Tynelia’s next opponent, Total n Utter Insanity 5-2 in another offensive match.

“Now the Kazoo Peoples find themselves in control of their own destiny to a point. With a head to head match against Nanakaland next, the Kazoo Peoples can pull themselves to two points behind Nanakaland with one game left for each side. While the Kazoo Peoples can in theory tie Bettia if Bettia loses out and the Kazoo peoples win out, the huge goal differential advantage Bettia has ensures that they will win the tiebreaker. Trailing by five points with two games left, Nanakalnd can’t earn more than one draw in their final two games for the Kazoo Peoples to have any chance.

“In the race for fourth, nothing changed as all three main contenders all won. In a correction to our graphic from last show the Weegies actually play Bettia next and not Risa-Aramour as originally mentioned but the final match against Nanakaland is accurate. Tynelia has the toughest single match left as they go on to play Total n Utter Insanity who has already clinched a spot in the cup which may be Tynelia’s only hope for victory. With the Kazoo Peoples beating Bettia it looks like Tynelia needs to win both its remaining games and hope that the Kazoo Peoples do no better than tie against Nanakaland and that the Weegies win no more than one of their remaining games. So it’s a pretty tough task for Tynelia to pull off. Well I’m out of breath now Anna, what are your thoughts on all this.”

“Nice of you to remember I’m here Sal. This was a solid outing by Tynelia. Both their goals came early, the first by Troy Wallace who returns to the scoring column after a bit of a drought and Adrian Pytte just before the half. After that Tynelia could and did just sit on the lead the entire second half with a few substitutions at the half way point of the second half to give some people a little rest before the big game against the top seed. You know Sal, this is a rematch of the game that actually turned this tournament around for Tynelia. When they broke through and scored a goal on at the time a team that had only allowed a goal in one match to that point, it seemed to finally inspire the offense to believe that they could indeed score on anyone in the group and other than a shutout against Bettia, the team has scored in every match since.

“And now once again the top two defenses go against each other. Total n Utter Insanity has only allowed 13 goals so far and Tynelia is second with 15. Of course the offensive side is very heavyily in Total n Utter Insaity’s favor. Tynelia has finally gotten to the one goal a game mark exactly while Total n Utter Insanity is over three times that amount. Now Total n Utter Insanity is at home after beating Tynelia 3-1 in Tynelia. Tynelia’s biggest hope has to be that Total n Utter Insanity don’t play their starters for long and the Tynelian offense has its best day ever. As much as I hate to say it I think this one should go 4-1 Total n Utter Insanity seeing how they are at home.”

“That’s a shame Anna, because you are right about Tynelia’s run. After their loss in the first round Tynelia is now 3-3-1 since their last meeting with Total n Utter Insanity and 3-2-1 in the second round so far. Before we continue here’s a quick stat-pack for the Algal States game. Tynelia outshot the Algal Sates 18-11 with a 5-1 edge in quality shots. The once promising start by the Algal States is now forgotten as they drop to 8th place. Tynelia controlled the clock by eight minutes and a bit as they slowed everything down in the second half to preserve the win.”

“Yes, Tynelia has been able to do its usual Baptism of Fire approach against the bottom two seeds quite successfully. And this run may have saved Coach O’Meara’s job. There had been many asking for him to be fired after Tynelia’s poor start where they had only two goals in their first five games which effectively knocked them out of the running right there. Now that the team has rallied and made a good showing in the second half the voices have quieted. If the team can grab that last point they need to reach the magic 20 point mark I think O’Meara will have done a good enough job to stay on for the next Cup if he chooses. With a mostly young starting lineup he should have most of the team back again for the 28th Cup and this time they will have valuable experience which may help them get off to a better start next time.”

“Very true Anna. And now, after numerous letters and e-mails expressing concern over her health after missing the last show, Harmonie Harris is back with the weather for the upcoming game against Total n Utter Insanity. Over to you Harmonie.”

“Hi Sal! Hi Anna! Yeah that floating soccer field made me all woozy just thinking about it but this time the field is on dry land like its supposed to be. The weather in crazyland is kinda crazy. The map says its going to snow and be over 100 degrees between the time the game starts and ends. Its like the weather is crazy there too. Anyone going to the game should bring lots of clothing, um and sunscreen cause you’re going to need it. Back to you Sal!”

“Thanks Harmonie. Well that’s all our time for today. Tune in tomorrow and see if Amy Whiteworth can shut down the top seed in the group. The game will be carried on all networks live as always and we’ll be here afterwards for the post game show. Until then this is Sal Spikeman for Anna Dalespin wishing everyone a good night.”
<credits roll>

Swilatia

21-03-2006, 13:17

The Vilvek Times
SPORTS
Its all over for Swilatia
Today Swilatia has been eliminated from all the world cup qualifications. The Team has hoped to qualify This time, but has once again failed to do so. However, at least the team has more experiance now, and will have a greater chance of Qualifying in the upcoming World Cup 28 than they had in this one. In fact Swilatia might actually qualify for world Cup 28, but its not likely that they will be the champions of World Cup 28.
CONTINUED ON PAGE D4

Jeruselem

21-03-2006, 13:20

Jeruselem Goverment News

MD16 - God helps Druida

Are Druida going to steal 3rd? From MD16 in the WC27, it seems so despite themselves.

Cuation had a critical game today except there was one problem - the opponent was Jeruselem. Cuation put up a great game scoring two goals against the 14th seed and looked good, but Jeruselem's attack tore into the defense in the end. Jeruselem score 3 to Cuations's 2 and hence it helped Cuation opponents.

Druida played the Paladins. You'd expect the Paladins to win but who beat Jeruselem 1-0? That was Druida. Once again Druida who play badly against lowly opponents beat a higher seed. Druida trounced NMS 4-2 to post a critical win when Cuation and Collonie had 1 points between them.

Collonie just wasted a chance. If you play Kirstiriera, you must just smack them 3-0 or 4-0 but Collonie did not. A NIL ALL draw in game they really really needed to win and 1 point is not much to show at this stage.

CR Oscilloscopes won a game ... but they are eliminated.

So, Jeruselem are playoff secure and so are NMS despite their loss. Cuation lost and Collonie wasted their chance to win. Druida made the move, two games left and well can Druida do it?

Group 1
Cuation 2-3 Jeruselem
Druida 4-2 New Montreal States
Kirstiriera 0-0 Collonie
CR Oscilloscopes 3-1 An Archy

Pos Team P W D L GF GA GD Pts
1 Jeruselem 14 10 3 1 39 11 28 33
2 New Montreal States 14 9 2 3 28 17 11 29
3 Cuation 14 7 3 4 22 17 5 24
4 Collonie 14 6 3 5 22 20 2 21
5 Druida 14 6 3 5 21 20 1 21
6 CR Oscilloscopes 15 5 2 8 13 25 -12 17
7 An Archy 14 3 4 7 10 20 -10 13
8 Kirstiriera 15 3 4 8 15 26 -11 13
9 Atheistic Right 14 1 4 9 13 27 -14 7

Group 9

Nothing new except Nedalia are officially eliminated. Looks like we'll be handing Nedalian fans Jeruselem and Bettia kits for the rest of World Cup 27. Terrible start and worse ending for the Lions. Losing to CH did the trick, they are gone. JGN is sad the Lions will play no further part in WC27.

Chicanada lost to super-team 0-2 and Kelse just did what you'd expect, draw when you oppoent is losing. These two will be fighting it out for 3rd.

Chicanada 0-2 Audioslavia
Nedalia 1-3 Commerce Heights
Ocmeoub 3-2 Ariddia
Berner Street 1-1 Kelse

Group 10

Top two settled and Canucks can just have good time for two games.
As for Majeristan, Harlesburg and Kaze Progressa, it's crunch time.

Harlesburg lost to the Canucks 1-2 and well, this was not unexpected. Kaze Progressa did a great job, they drew with Casari 2 ALL and posted a valuable point towards a playoff. Majeristan played 7th and wouldn't you know it, LOST. They needed a win not a loss. Two games, 3 teams - only 1 can prevail.

Harlesburg 1-2 Hockey Canada
Kaze Progressa 2-2 Casari
Magnus Valerius 1-0 Majeristan
Crna Gora Liv Eng 1-1 McPsychoville

Ariddia

21-03-2006, 13:28

Fourth consecutive defeat puts Ariddia “in the red”

The Rouge-et-Noirs will now be playing for honour’s sake, after their fourth defeat in a row, this time to low-ranked Ocmeoub, denied Ariddia their last hope of qualifying. It was a dispirited team which took to the field in Ocmeoub, and even their performance of the ulek lacked its usual passion. Goals by Alt and Ramirez revived the players’ spirits momentarily, but yet again the team left the field with zero points.

“Today was our last hope,” Kyaw said. “We wanted to be determined to win it. But somehow. . . I don’t know. The energy wasn’t there.”

Audioslavia and Commerce Height have both secured a spot at the top of the group, and the limelight will now be on Chicanada and Kelse, the only two nations left in the race for the third place. Ariddia, ironically, has clung on to its fifth place despite a string of losses.

“It could have been even worse,” was all Clément found to say about his and his team mates’ performance in this Cup. Again, only the coach, Adam Seul, still seemed lively enough to keep going.

“Just because we’ve been eliminated doesn’t mean it’s over. If we can do well in the last two games, we’ll feel a little more confident when we take up the challenge again in four years.”

Giant Zucchini

21-03-2006, 15:16

Yet Another Own Goal!
Episode 7: Crash

Well…guess what…Mr. Green Couch Man is nowhere to be seen! Really.

“…and that’s the final whistle here, the Zucchinis managing a draw against high-flyers Lovisa, their second half strike canceling out Nuvolari’s opener. A decent result on any other day, but sadly it has dumped the Zucchinis out of the running for World Cup 27. It’s a heartbreaking farewell for Gorton, but he will look back on a relatively successful era in which he has brought progress on the newly reformed Giant Zucchini football scene, and it will be a tough act for his successor to follow in the run-up to World Cup 28…”

To be continued…

Giant Zucchini’s Department of Number Crunching and Data Spewing presents:

Match stats:

Giant Zucchini - 1
Nuvolari (26)

Lovisa - 1
(55)

Giant Zucchini stats:

Top Goalscorers:
Dino Nuvolari – 6
Johann Rilke – 5
Armand Boyer – 3
Vicente de Silva – 2
Gottlieb Poulsen – 1
Pablo Pérez – 1
Mikhail Glinka – 1
Absamat Chekhov - 1

Yellow Cards:
Ramón Gimeno - 1

Red Cards:

New Montreal States

21-03-2006, 15:24

PALADINS HITTING THE WALL IN HOME STRETCH

Crusaders save Paladins with win over Cuation; Rainbows suddenly returning to form to make it a race

DRUIDA - And with this 4-2 thumping at the hands of a poised, dominant Druidan midfield, the Paladins find themselves on the uppermost fringe of what's shaping up to be a dramatic race of the kind anyone looking at the rankings several matches ago could be forgiven for thinking would never happen in this group.

Nothing went right for the Paladins here in AO, as the team is being sapped of energy by the punishing, road-intensive schedule. Even the small but enthusiastic crowd here in what was once a thriving and prosperous World Cup host got the best of the Paladins.

Chasson, dirt tired after an almighty struggle with Acadie De Gospin Airport over some missing gear, took to the field in a spare jersey with his number just ironed on the back and about five hours of sleep to his name. No surprise that he gave up two goals in fifteen minutes before getting yanked in favor of Ted Bates. Bates did a decent enough job - six saves - but gave up two further goals.

Marc Tessier and Andy Gordon both picked up goals early on in the second half, as the Paladins mounted a brief abeit vigorous drive that simply ran out of gas, much like the Paladins themselves.

William Branstone had this to say: "Been a rough couple days for Chasson, can't blame the kid for being a bit shaky after going through airport-related hell. No gear, no jersey, and wearing Ted Bates's spare shorts'll do anyone in. We sent him off to bed, we're staying in town all tomorrow and taking it easy before heading back to New Montreal. Everyone needs a break, especially after this asinine schedule. I'd love to have a chat with whatever moron decided to make us play six road games in nine matches to close off qualifiers. Ideally involving baseball bats and the force one can generate and how much it might impact a human skull."

The Paladins final two matches will be extremely interesting for a variety of reasons. Collonie will come to the Paladin Dome next, and both sides coould really use a victory in these circumstances. After that, the Paladins will travel to play the batshit collection of uncivilized beings known as Atheistic Right, where coaching disputes are apparently settled by murder. The only hitch in this plan is that Collonie and AR are now at war with each other following what appears to be an attempted anthrax poisoning of Collonie's king by AR. This creates an interesting quandary for Montrealais - who do we dislike more, the Milchamans or the batshit atheists?

In happier news, we'd like to congratulate our fellow Orthodox in The Archregimancy on securing their first-ever trip to the World Cup with a well-fought 1-1 draw against Praying2God.

DRUIDA 4 - Neill 7, James 15, Connor 46, Dowley 70
PALADINS 2 - Tessier 57, Gordon 65

Villeneuve 9
Labranche 4
Pilon 3
Tessier 3
Toussaint 3
Gordon 2
Chan 1
Faulkner 1
Miller 1
Yates 1

The Lowland Clans

21-03-2006, 15:37

GRAHAM CITY SUN - Sports Section
Stars Hand On By a Thread

GRAHAM CITY - Today, the Allied States fell two-zip to Turori, and Rolatia defeated the Belmore Family one-zero, and left the Stars hanging on to playoff spot hops by a thread. Well, a bigger thread, but still a thread. The Stars played their hearts out today, applying pressure at all possible places and the defence played remarkably well for the first half of the game against Turori, keeping the score nil-nil. Ryley Bloudin had a chance to put the Stars up about midway through the first half after taking a beautiful pass from Phillip Konstantinoppolis. He rushed up the field, past the two Turori defenders, and was challenged by the keeper at the top of the box. Bloudin managed to chip over the keeper, but with his angles of attack so low he was unable to get it into the goal.

But the second half, the Stars weren't able to hold on as the Turori assault simply ground away at the tired Star defence. In the 53rd minute, a Turori striker took a cross from near the goaline and redirected it past Heath Porter to make it one-nothing. The Stars tried to regain control of the midfield, but some rough play and some questionable acting by the Turori midfield left the Stars with both Mackallen and Konstantinoppolis with a yellow each. Westley Stjepan immediately pulled Konstantinoppolis and replaced him with Xavier Nathanson. Nathanson hadn't yet played a game, and was visibly nervous on the field. His giveaway in the sixtieth minute put the Stars behind 2-0 as he made a bad pass to Aleksandr Konstadin out on the wing, and the Turori midfielder blew past the defence and put it past Heath Porter.

The Stars tried to double the pressure to regain a tie or at least score another goal, but the morale was gone and nothing Stjepan could do would have changed it. So now we are left with a pressing situation. We need both Rolatia and TheSuncoastofFlorida to lose both their games and for us to win both of our remaining games against both Yafor 2 and the final showdown against the AlliedAnimeWorlds. Rolatia plays Turori and Yafor 2, which should result in at least one loss, while the Floridians only have one game remaining against Liverpool England, which puts them essentially out of the running. Given our performance against Yafor 2 in the past, I firmly believe that the Stars are capable of doing their part and winning both their remaining games. the one game we Stars fans will need to watch, is the Rolatia-Yafor 2 match on the last week of qualifying. The Yaforians have had a very disappointing run, eliminated with 16 points, and thus this will be a very close call for the Stars.

Excelsior true believers, we can do it. This is the most talented team the Stars have produced in recent memory, and despite all their setbacks, the Stars have come the closest to qualifying since their return to the international stage. Let's go do it, Clanners!

Schiavonia

21-03-2006, 17:24

The Schiavone Scribe
Schiavonia Qualify Again!
The Islands of Qutar 1-3 Schiavonia

Obviously, The Qutar coaching staff, press and fans hadn't been reading reports of Schiavonia's last game, when Rodney Lowe announced that he would be dropping the entire team for their match against them.

Even the morning before the game, the build up in the local press gave Schiavonia's likely starting line up as their usual eleven. Not so.

Rodney Lowe is a man of his word, and sure enough, eleven completely different players to those that Qutar were expecting took to the field, throwing the home side's game plan in the bin from the start.

It meant that the home side didn't really know what to do, thus allowing Schiavonia to rip them to shreds in the first half, with goals coming from Topp, Besenares and Schiavone. Game over by half time, with Schiavonia pretty much guarenteed to qualify unless they conceded four in the second half.

Which they didn't. Just the one, where Ali caught the defence unawares for a moment.

And so on march Schiavonia, whichever team they put out. We expect they'll be back to normal next game. You can't pull the same trick twice so soon after each other, can you?

Teams:
Qutar: Stone; N. Saunders, Kelly, Howell (O. Smith 71 min), W. Lemkes; Tomlin, C. Saunders, Gordon (J. Lemkes 69 min), Parker (Rogers, 45 min); Ali, Siese.
Schiavonia: Kearns; Pine, Payne, Peterson, Apple; Swollocks, McGee, Besenares, Porse; Topp (McAndrew 63 min (Tarmey 72 min)), Schiavone (Di Mascherenasi 68 min).

Final score
The Islands of Qutar 1 (Ali 67)
Schiavonia 3 (Topp 7, Besenares 13, Schiavone 32)

Spaam

21-03-2006, 17:27

Spaam Sports Weekly
NationStates' Most Notorious Sports Publication

Celebrating 100 Years of World Cup Participation

Jelbert Out

After Starblaydia lost at home to Spaam thanks to star keeper Morwetha
Jelbert's defense, they knew they had to take her out to win in Waffles
territory. And take her out they did: in the fifth minute, the purple striker
Raphaelo collided with Jelbert deep in goal, knocking them both out. The
referee did not deem the contact deliberate, to the ire of the Spaamanians,
though he limped off with concussion and a suspected shoulder injury.
Jelbert, on the other hand, had a broken nose, and most importantly, a
suspected broken wrist.

Roberto Vega came on for Raphaelo, Grada Paynter came on for Morwetha,
and Spaam collapsed. Starblaydia scored three goals in the first half, and
another two in the second, to deliver the Waffles their worse ever defeat in
World Cup history. After the match, the prognosis was bad, for both teams.
Raphaelo had a rotator strain, putting him out for three weeks, while Jelbert
had a fractured wrist, which would put her out for at least six. This is tragic
news for the Spaamanians as their playoff spot is in jeopardy by both Haraki
and Wentland.

Spaam 0:5 Starblaydia
(10 Tolkacheva 10; 8 Menecrates 31, 42, 87; 18 Vega 60)

The Group Of Death

Other matches saw eternal complainers Wentland go down at home to
Oliverry 2-3; they will no doubt claim referee bias. Shing-Shang and East
Lithuania had a scoreless draw, and Haraki downed the home team Priggdom
0-2. Obsidianus and Shing-Shang have cemented their places as the bottom
two teams respectively, while Starblaydia and Oliverry the top two. East
Lithuania and Priggdom can finish no higher than fourth, though will most likely
share sixth and seventh between them. The battle is on for the playoff
position.

Spaam are third on 25 points with a favourable goal difference, Haraki are
fourth on 22, and Wentland fifth on 20. Spaam are the favourites, but faces
two tough away games, the first against Wentland, the second East
Lithuania. Haraki will prolly lose their away game against Starblaydia, but
then face Wentland at home. Unless Haraki beats Starblaydia, Spaam merely
needs to draw one game to get the playoff position.

Pos Team P W D L GF GA GD Pts
1 Starblaydia 14 11 1 2 51 8 43 34
2 Oliverry 14 10 2 2 45 21 24 32
3 Spaam 14 7 4 3 18 11 7 25
4 Haraki 14 7 1 6 15 17 -2 22
5 Wentland 14 6 2 6 24 24 0 20

Here is the situation:

If Spaam wins either game, or draws both, they are third.
If Spaam draws one and loses the other, they are third unless Haraki wins both their games.
If Spaam loses both, then their fate depends on the Haraki vs Wentland match.
If Haraki wins and didn't lose to Starblaydia, then Haraki is third.
If they draw and Haraki beat Starblaydia, then Haraki is again third.
If Wentland wins, then Wentland is third.
Otherwise, Spaam is third.

Statistics

Home vs Away
P W D L GF GA GD Pts PPG G%
Home 8 5 1 2 12 6 16 16 2.0 67
Away 6 2 3 1 6 5 1 9 1.6 55
Total 14 7 4 3 18 11 17 25 1.8 62

Goal Scorers
No Name G P
17 Mylor Goss 6 13
1 Ewa Ivey 4 13
6 Cleder Cawrse 3 10
4 Crewenna Roskelly 3 13
8 Melyor Trewin 1 7
11 Credan Trethewey 1 10
7 Colan Trebilcock -1 7

History
1 Spaam 4:0 Obsidianus W
2 Shing-Shang 1:1 Spaam D
3 Oliverry 1:0 Spaam L
4 BYE
5 Spaam 1:0 Haraki W
6 Priggdom 0:0 Spaam D
7 Starblaydia 0:1 Spaam W
8 Spaam 4:0 Wentland W
9 Spaam 0:0 East Lithuania D
10 Obsidianus 2:3 Spaam W
11 Spaam 2:0 Shing-Shang W
12 Spaam 0:1 Oliverry L
13 BYE
14 Haraki 1:1 Spaam D
15 Spaam 1:0 Priggdom W
16 Spaam 0:5 Starblaydia L
17 Wentland ?:? Spaam ?
18 East Lithuania ?:? Spaam ?

Georgeonia

21-03-2006, 19:44

***Special Extended Results Round-up***

Squids Crash Out of Cup During News Blackout!

A four day media strike over working conditions lifted today, giving the citizens
of Georgeonia their first news of the national side's performance in that time, and
ending rife speculation and rumour with the worst news imaginable. The squids, who
before the blackout had gone an unprecidented five games without a defeat, and who
were pushing hard for the group eleven playoff spot, lost all four games, without
scoring a single goal, sinking them to eighth in the group, and ending any chance
they had of qualifying.

Georgeonia 0-1 Emporer Pudu

On matchday thirteen the squids hosted Emperor Pudu, the other high-flying rookie
team in group eleven. The match was always going to be close, with the
corresponding fixture on match day four ending in a goaless draw. The ASMV press
described the match as being between the "How the hell are these guys still in
the mix" squads, which sums up the extent to which both teams had exceeded
expectations in the qualifying campaign up to this point. Georgeonia, with the
home advantage had the better of the first half, with their midfield looking
strong and passing the ball around well, while Emperor Pudu resorted to
speculative long ball tactics. In the second half both teams played more
aggressively, both having a lot to gain from a win in this match. Both defences
looked strong, however, and the match appeared to be heading for a draw until
a contraversial penalty was awarded in the eighty-eightieth minute for what may
have been a trip or may have been a dive, the replays all seemed unclear. Whatever
the case, the Pudu captain stepped up and made no mistake from the penalty spot,
leaving a heartbroken squids side knowing that they would need something special
to qualify having lost the first and easiest of their final five games.

Georgeonia 0-3 Lovisa

Matchday fourteen saw the squids face Louvisa in one of their most
difficult matches of the tournament, against the seeingly unstoppable team which
defeated them three-nil on matchday five without ever breaking a sweat. The Squids
have put up some brave performances against much higher ranked teams so far in the
campaign, but today, still tired from their struggle against Emperor Pudu, the
Squids were simply outclassed. The score was two-nil by half time, and whilst
Georgeonia dug deep in the second half to keep the scoreline down, they were always
on the back foot and Louvisa were able to add another five minutes from time. The
Squids can have few complaints about the score line, but will need to regain the
character and determination they showed earlier in the tournament in order to
make a last ditch attempt to reach the play-off spot.

Andossa Se Mitrin Vega 2-0 Georgeonia

Georgeonia's play-off hopes were all but extinguished as they travelled to ASMV to
face a strong Sea-Dragons side who were simply too strong for them. The squids had
come close to holding ASMV to a draw when they played them in Georgeonia earlier in
qualifying, but with the play-off spot so close for the Sea Dragons, they were
determined to make no mistake here. Both sides played cautiously for the first
fifteen minutes, but then on ninteen minutes a long ball, followed by a goal-mouth
scramble led to the first goal. With their dreams of qualifying slipping further
away with every second, the Squids attacked relentlessly for ther remainder of the
first half, but the ASMV defence looked strong and well organised, and the Squids
could only manage a single shot on goal which was well saved by the Sea Dragons'
keeper. After the break, both sides looked even, with neither side able to break
the deadlock, until a defensive fiasco in the fifty-seventh minute provided a gift
for ASMV who gladly took full advantage to go two-nil up. Again Georgeonia attacked,
and again the ASMV defence looked too solid to allow the Squids' attack through. The
game finished two-nil to AMSV to the dismay of the travelling Georgeonian fans.

Georgeonia 0-1 Becquerelia

Georgeonia came into this match looking tired from a long qualifying campaign, and
demoralised from three straight defeats, whereas Becquerelia knew that a win would
leave them in a position to make a real bid at the play-off spot. It always looked
unlikely that the Squids would be able to pull off a win, but in fact they showed some
considerable spirit, holding off the Becquerelia attack which proceeded at a frantic
pace throughout most of the game, and conceeding only a single goal, in the seventieth
minute. The squids would have been disappointed to lose, but knew that they were
virtually certain not to qualify, and their strong performance in this game bodes well
for future competitions. The Squids will look forward to a well-needed rest day tonight,
and will play their hearts out for pride when they host Tadjikistan on the final day of
qualifying.

Results elsewhere over the last four days have left group eleven looking particularly
interesting. Tadjikistan reasserted their top ranking to move back into pole position,
and along with Louvisa, who are three points behind them, are now certain of qualification.
At the other end of the table, Georgeonia, Green Wombat and Giant Zucchini have been
eliminated, and this leaves four teams in with a chance of snatching the play-off position.
ASMV look favourites to take it, but Pastorville and the newly revived Becquerelia are both
just one point behind and it could go to the wire. Emperor Pudu are three points behind, and
have played one game more, but are still mathematically in with a shout. Unless we see
a major upset, however, it looks like third place will go to AMSV, Becquerelia or
Pastorville, and the next two matchdays should make fascinating watching!

Pos Team P W D L GF GA GD Pts
1 Tadjikistan 14 10 3 1 39 8 31 33
2 Lovisa 14 9 3 2 36 11 25 30
3 Andossa Se Mitrin Vega 14 6 2 6 17 26 -9 20
4 Becquerelia 14 4 7 3 12 11 1 19
5 Pastorville 14 6 1 7 10 13 -3 19
6 Emporer Pudu 15 4 5 6 13 23 -10 17
7 Giant Zucchini 14 3 4 7 20 23 -3 13
8 Georgeonia 15 3 4 8 10 22 -12 13
9 Green wombat 14 3 3 8 14 34 -20 12

MD01: Away to Giant Zucchini L 3-0
MD02: Home to Pastorville W 1-0
MD03: Away to Green Wombat L 1-0
MD04: Away to Emperor Pudu D 0-0
MD05: Away to Louvisa L 3-0
MD06: Home to Andossa Se Mitrin Vega L 1-2
MD07: Away to Becquerelia D 1-1
MD08: --- No Match ---
MD09: Away to Tadjikistan D 1-1
MD10: Home to Giant Zucchini W 3-2
MD11: Away to Pastorville W 0-1
MD12: Home to Green Wombat D 2-2
MD13: Home to Emperor Pudu L 0-1
MD14: Home to Louvisa L 0-3
MD15: Away to Andossa Se Mitrin Vega L 2-0
MD16: Home to Becquerelia L 0-1
MD17: --- No Match ---

Hypocria

21-03-2006, 20:56

Crunch Time

Ok, so that didn’t exactly go according to plan. Following Krytenia’s recent poor form and considering the battling performance we put in at their place fans were hopeful of maybe a point from this Verdana derby at the Hyppodrome. It didn’t happen. In fact it didn’t even come close to happening. Sadly the Aces found their form at just the wrong time and stuck four past an increasingly despondent Hypocrian rearguard. But it wasn’t all bad news. Playoff rivals Legalese and Lethislavania both lost to ensure that the single point gap is still intact with two games left. Lethislavania also lost to a 4 – 0 score thanks to a rampant Sarzonia. Legalese’s players will be kicking themselves after throwing away a glorious chance of three points in Revised Constantinople. The black and reds surprisingly fell 2 – 1 to their unfancied opponents.

The results leave the table looking something like this . . .

Pos Team P W D L GF GA GD Pts
1 Sarzonia 14 14 0 0 52 6 46 42
2 Krytenia 14 9 3 2 36 17 19 30
3 Lethislavania 14 7 1 6 24 21 3 22
4 Legalese 14 6 2 6 31 28 3 20
5 Hypocria 14 6 2 6 17 20 -3 20
6 Vuam and Isma 14 5 1 8 15 25 -10 16
7 Revived Constantinople 15 5 0 10 12 34 -22 15
8 Palacetonia 14 4 2 8 14 31 -17 14
9 Rorysville 15 2 1 12 12 31 -19 7
One playoff place to play for and four nations gunning for it. This sets up some mouth watering encounters in the penultimate round of matches.

Matchday 17 Preview

Hypocria (41) v Lethislavania (55)

A lack of consistency has hampered the campaigns of both these sides. Both nations have a disappointing six defeats to their names. The ever silent Lethislavanians have been in or around the World Cup Finals for years but have shown signs in recent times of being on the wane. Hypocria has seemingly always been on the wane but the Hyppos are within touching distance of a playoff place. But to do that they need a win in this match, nothing else will do. A repeat of the 2 – 0 win in Lethislavania would be absolutely priceless.

Krytenia (16) v Legalese (64)

Did we ever mention how much we like the Krytenians? Well we do. And never more so then right now. The Aces will be guaranteed at least an extra billion supporters for their Atlantian derby against Legalese. Best case scenario they beat Legalese, we beat Lethislavania, we go into third. Let’s just hope it’s the Krytenia side that hammered the Hyppos that turns up and not the Aces that failed in Rorysville.

Vuam and Isma (187) v Revived Constantinople (211)

It’s easy to forget that there’s another nation still with an eye on third place. Baptism of Fire competitors Vuam and Isma have been picking up points here and there and are well placed to take advantage if the sides above them slip up. But three points against the lowest ranked team in the group is a must, although by no means certain.

Sarzonia (4) v Palacetonia (123)

And then there’s the other game. It’s really just a question of how many the Stars win by.

Qualification Schedule

Hypocria v Rorysville (Drissa Sports Arena, Drissa) (2 - 1)
Hypocria v Sarzonia (Hyppodrome, Hypocrium) (1 - 3)
Rest Day
Legalese v Hypocria (1 - 3)
Hypocria v Vuam and Isma (Oceanside Stadium, Pylos) (1 - 1)
Revived Constantinople v Hypocria (2 - 1)
Krytenia v Hypocria (1 – 0)
Lethislavania v Hypocria (0 – 2)
Hypocria v Palacetonia (Hyppodrome, Hypocrium) (0 – 0)
Rorysville v Hypocria (1 – 2)
Sarzonia v Hypocria (3 – 0)
Rest Day
Hypocria v Legalese (Hyppodrome, Hypocrium) (0 – 2)
Vuam and Isma v Hypocria (1 - 2)
Hypocria v Revived Constantinople (Drissa Sports Arena, Drissa) (3 - 0)
Hypocria v Krytenia (Hyppodrome, Hypocrium) (0 - 4)
Hypocria v Lethislavania (City of Hypocrium Stadium, Hypocrium)
Palacetonia v Hypocria

Location. Location. Location

The HFA have been doing a typically decisive job in finding a home for the upcoming fixture. It was originally scheduled to be held at the 62,000 capacity City of Hypocrium Stadium while work started on the national stadium's multi million draxal facelift, which will eventually raise its capacity to 100,000. But when the importance of the Lethislavania match became increasingly apparent the building work was put on hold and the Hyppodrome pencilled in to host.

But plans have changed again. Having watched the Hyppos routed at the Hyppodrome by Krytenia in their last match the HFA have reverted back to their original plan of using the City of Hypocrium Stadium. The hope is that the smaller stadium will create a more imposing atmosphere for a game which the Hyppos simply must win.

Majeristan

21-03-2006, 22:46

Falcons fight for playoff spot

When Hatime I Ra~e was named the national team coach for Majeristan, few expected the disgraced former Rejistania national team field boss to work miracles. The team faced the ill health of their former coach, the late Avid Mashoda, and a disappointing second round elimination from the Baptism of Fire Cup and missed out on both the World Cup finals and the second round of the Cup of Harmony.

However, with two matchdays remaining, the Falcons are still well in the fight for a playoff berth for the right to advance to the World Cup finals. It's not the position most teams in the world would want, but for a team one World Cup removed from its debut, Majeristan will take it.

"We still have a fighting chance and that's all we can ask for," midfielder Joe Taylor said. "Majeristani people can be proud of our team's efforts, even though it's taken us this long for our media coverage to show up. They still have been able to witness some quality football."

Except when they've played Hockey Canada. The Falcons are 0-0-2 with eight goals conceded to only one scored against Group 10's top-ranked side. The defending World Cup semifinalists have played like a team that was expected to cruise through World Cup qualifying and they have lived up to form. For the Falcons, they can look back at their two wins against former World Cup contenders Kaze Progressa as a highlight.

"That was a derby we didn't expect to get more than two points [for two draws], I Ra~e said. "The fact we earned six is good for our team."

Now the Falcons are in for "a dogfight" for the final berth, only two points clear of a Harlesburg side they lost to in the first half of World Cup qualifying. But Taylor isn't worried about missing out.

"If we get in, that will be a great accomplishment," he said. "If we miss out, we'll build for the future when we can advance."

Magnus Valerius

21-03-2006, 23:35

Magnus Valerius Eliminated
But Things Are Still Cheerful

Magnus Valerius won a 1 - 0 game against Majeristan yesterday as the qualifying rounds for the World Cup are coming to a close. Magnus Valerius may have grabbed a win against Majeristan, but that still does not change the fact that Magnus Valerius will not make it to the finals. Their crushing defeat by Hockey Canada and a 1-1 ALL draw with Kaze Progressa in the previous two games ensured that Magnus Valerius will not be eligible for the finals. However, fans and players are all happy.

"At least we aren't at the bottom of the group list," says avid fan Isidore Cherenenko. "Look at Crna Gora Liv Eng... they absolutely are worthless... well, maybe they can make good floor mats."

The players, when the matchdays are all completed, plan to drink heartily and celebrate before the Cup of Harmony. At the moment, Magnus Valerius is ranked 7th in the group - not bad for a team with little international experience.

Pos Team P W D L GF GA GD Pts
1 Hockey Canada 14 12 2 0 33 10 23 38
2 Casari 14 9 3 2 32 11 21 30
3 Majeristan 14 7 1 6 19 20 -1 22
4 Harlesburg 14 6 2 6 17 16 1 20
5 Kaze Progressa 14 5 4 5 16 15 1 19
6 McPsychoville 14 4 3 7 14 18 -4 15
7 Magnus Valerius 15 4 2 9 9 19 -10 14
8 Imperial Moose 14 3 4 7 13 28 -15 13
9 Crna Gora Liv Eng 15 1 5 9 8 24 -16 8

Wentland

21-03-2006, 23:43

"Er, boss, can I use the phone?"

"Why, spotted another supernova?"

"No, just something I picked up monitoring the gamma ray feed from ZZ9 Plural Z Alpha G2d Sol-3."

"You're always listening to that one. What have you heard now?"

"Well, I think it may be worth putting money on Spaam to beat the Swifts, cos they seem to be praising the Spaamians."

"Why?"

"I dunno, but I assume that it's cos they beat us."

"What are they saying?"

"Well, there's these Vikings and they're singing "Spaam, Spaam, Spaam, Spaam, Spaam, Spaam, lovely Spaam." I think that means Spaam must have won."

"Er, OK then, put a guinea on for me."

***

On "Sports Review", Sir Garfield Linacre commented wryly on the latest sports reports from the Spaam media.

"Viewers will notice that the Spaam Sports Weekly (copyright) stated that Wentland always complains about the referees. Yet you will notice that they complained that the ONLY reason why they lost five-nil to the Starblaydis was because the referee didn't spot a foul on their goalkeeper.

"Let's challenge them to a whinge-a-thon. I am positive that there is one event we would confidently lose."

***

Bluff looked over his injury-ravaged squad. No Treves. No Kent, a knock in a League match taking him out. Okey still wobbly.

Tom Devey was therefore brought back in on the left wing, to resume his club partnership with Will James on the right. The twins on the back. It was all a bit old school. All the experimentation for nought? One experiment he stayed with - Tommy Barnes up front with Tiny Smith. His buzzing might play better against the Spaam stronghold than Hopkins' particular brand of brutality.

The crowd arriving at the Sir Kenneth Kendall stadium was however subdued. There seemed an air of resignation, with little chance of Wentland making even a play-off spot there was little in the way of cheering or boisterousness about the assembling throng. Perhaps the Winter Olympics was distracting attention. But either way people were discussing whether to enter the Cup of Harmony, rather than a possible play-off...it was only a matter of time and mathematics, after all.

Rejistania

21-03-2006, 23:44

No goals today

The Orange-Blues drew scoreless against Rordia. The match was a prime example of why the karelan state was overthrown. However the viewers seemed to like it. They cheered at every destroyed chance of the opponent, every tackle was good. Maybe it was because 90% of the fans were wearing yellow robes and had blue glowing orbs in their hands, but that is only a guess and is no fact. The temple of Karela called the match "Simply great!" while less defensive-minded persons called it "boring, embarrassing and plain slani!" (the person who said this did not want to disclose name or official title).

Haraki

21-03-2006, 23:50

The Hawks took the field, grim-faced and set-jawed. A loss to Priggdom, now, would not only be embarassing, but would also guarantee Haraki's failure in the World Cup. A loss to Priggdom would leave Haraki out of qualifying, to be sure.

Luckily for the Hawks, this determination gave them fresh purpose. They seemed to dominate the field from the get-go, winning the kickoff and taking it down into Priggdom's end. Haraki dominated with four shots on goal before captain Mike Zendar scored on the fifth shot - his second - at twenty minutes in. Priggdom's keeper seemed unable to stop the shot, and Haraki managed to pull off a 1-0 lead going into half, with eight shots by Haraki and three by Priggdom, and over thirty minutes of Harakian posession.

The first half clearly belonged to Haraki, back to their old ways of playing an extremely aggressive first half. Although the second half brought back renewed Priggdom spirit, the Hawks still seemed to be getting revenge for Priggdom's one-time 3-0 victory over Haraki. Midfield Manuel Cortes pulled off football's equivalent of a one-timer goal, with a kick right as the ball was passed to him by master passer, supporter and the single Hawks player with the most assists ever, Thomas Neils, and Cortes' shot sailed through the ent for a goal, just before the seventy-minute mark.

Haraki maintained their lead for the rest of the game, the Hawks' defence stopping most of Priggdom's efforts and keeper Mark Stone stopping the rest. The game ended with a 2-0 Haraki victory.

Haraki 2 - Priggdom 0

Zendar (20)
Cortes (68)

Sam Sherman's Qualification Analysis:

Things still look grim. Spaam maintains a three point lead on Haraki, with games versus Wentland and East Lithuania to come. Haraki have games versus Starblaydia and Wentland. They beat Wentland last time, but that should be by no means a guarantee of a win over Wentland, who lost their latest game versus Oliverry. It will be an easier game than versus Starblaydia, which is Haraki's key match. If Haraki loses the match versus Starblaydia, most likely qualifying chances are gone. A draw and a Spaamanian streak of losses keeps the chances open, but a win over Starblaydia would not only draw the world's attention and give Haraki as many points as Spaam, and some breathing room against Wentland. With Haraki nine goal difference ahead of Haraki, if they are tied in points, at the moment Spaam would come out on top statistically. However, if Spaam loses, especially in high-scoring one-sided games, and the Hawks win theirs with a comfortable amount of goals, it could be that they end up tied and Haraki come out on top from goal difference. A long shot, but a technical possibility.

Becquerelia

22-03-2006, 00:47

(OOC: Wondering about Becquerelia's roster, uniforms, home stadium, or whatever? Well wonder no more, and head to Becquerelia's roster post (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=10526289&postcount=63).)

And we turn back around to see what's behind us:

http://www.geocities.com/becquerelia/images/bnff.gifBecquerelia - (1)_________(0) - Georgeoniahttp://www.geocities.com/becquerelia/images/georgeonia.gif

STILL IN THE HUNT
Becquerelia Still Has A Shot At The Playoffs

GEORGEONIA (JNS) - It wasn't a pretty win, it wasn't a big win, it wasn't a convincing win, but it was a win that netted the team three crucial points. Therefore, they'll take it.

"You have to give credit to the Squids, they played well considering how rough things have gone for them during the tournament." said Forward Peter Constantine after the match. "My hats off to them for playing well."

In what seemed to be almost a repeat of these two team's first match-up, it was a hard fought physical battle. Becquerelia attacked the Georgeonia defense hard, but the defense refused to break, and only allowed one goal, in the seventieth minute by Constantine.

"This was just a good, hard-fought game. You know that everyone got their money's worth."

Some weren't so complementary, however. As Head Coach Macarius Ransome said: "We could have played better."

"I think we definitly struggled too much against a not very spectacular team. If we have trouble defeating Georgeonia, how are we supposed to beat Tadjikistan? On the road no less? If I said I wasn't worried, I'd be a lier."

The players seemed much more upbeat, however. As said Goalkeeper David Deneen, "We scored a winning goal late, which is something we haven't done much of. You need to keep that in mind. Previously, there was always a chance we might get discouraged and then we'd end up with a zero-zero tie. But we played tough to the end. I think that shows how much we've improved as a team."

Becquerelia's Current Results and Upcoming Schedule
Home Team Last
WIN DRAW LOSS

MD01: Becquerelia - 0 Pastorville - 2
MD02: Becquerelia - 0 Green wombat - 1
MD03: Emporer Pudu - 0 Becquerelia - 0
MD04: Lovisa - 1 Becquerelia - 1
MD05: Becquerelia - 0 Androssa Se Mitrin Vega - 2
MD06: BYE
MD07: Georgeonia - 1 Becquerelia - 1
MD08: Tadjikstan - 1 Becquerelia - 1
MD09: Becquerelia - 0 Giant Zucchini - 0
MD10: Pastorville - 1 at Becquerelia - 1
MD11: Green wombat - 0 Becquerelia - 3
MD12: Becquerelia - 1 Emporer Pudu - 0
MD13: Becquerelia - 2 Lovisa - 1
MD14: Androssa Se Mitrin Vega - 1 Becquerelia - 1
MD15: BYE
MD16: Becquerelia - 1 Georgeonia - 0
MD17: Becquerelia (4-7-3) at Tadjikistan (10-3-1)
MD18: Giant Zucchini (3-4-7) at Becquerelia (4-7-3)

Milchama

22-03-2006, 01:47

Alexandria Times-Tribune-Post-Gazette-Chronicle-Journal-Enquirer

Sports Section

Milchama beat Vilita!!!!!

This game did not look good against for the Warriors coming into it. They had not been in the greatest of form for a while and were playing a team in Vilita that had dominated them in their first game this World Cup and whose puppet Turori had crushed Milchama twice in WC24. Twas' to be a different story last night though as two early goals from Marc J. Floren and a late goal by Matt Bantin gave the victory to Milchama 3-2 over Vilita. Coach Jamie Smith said, "This puts us in a great position to qualify for the World Cup. We now only have to beat two teams, one that we have beaten twice in Elrich and one that does not technically exist in Hiiraan. This means that we have pretty much qualified for the World Cup. I am confident that we can beat both of these teams and that will be enough to qualify us in the World Cup."
Now onto the match report:
The first half was all Milchama as the Warriors dominated the game from start to halftime. For much of the half Milchama seemed the more determined team as they got over 75% of the 50/50 balls which led to a lot of possesion and a fair amount of chances. The first great chance for the Warriors was in the 23rd minute when Darian Flinters got a loose ball right near midfield and ran it up to the edge of the box where he found Marc J. Floren ready. Floren, who had not found the net recently, showed his old form as he perfectly hit the ball into the net for a 1-0 Warrior lead. Then 15 minutes later Floren again scored as a corner kick from J.J. Faren found Mills Thompson who headed it down to Floren who kicked the ball high into the net for a 2-0 Milchama lead. After that second goal the Milchamians seemed less determined and the Vilitans started to get some attacks going before halftime. The halftime score though was still 2-0 Milchama.

Second Half Report:
The attacks from the Vilitans soon became much more threatening. Callum Banda started going thru the defense and almost scored in the 57th minute before Clay Finton stopped him. Three minutes later he did score as a corner kick found him unmarked in the box and his header zipped past a jumping Kendric Pevington for a goal and a 2-1 Milchama lead. Five minutes later it was 2-2 as Banda outran the Milchamian defense before firing the ball past Finton to tie the game at two. The tie game seemed to stir the Warrior spirit as they soon began playing like they did in the first half. The only difference now was that the Vilitans had some momentum and they tried to stop the Warrior offensive. This led to an exciting offensive game but mostly was a stalemate as long passes by both sides were swallowed up by the defenses and goalies. Then in the 81st minute luck struck the Warriors. Elana Kilinin found Antonio Sanchez who picked out sub Matt Bantin with a long pass. The pass hit Bantin in full stride as he turned and fired a shot past the Vilitan keeper and into the goal for the lead. This fired up the Warriors who tried to get another but did not have the time to get another goal.
Final Score:
Milchama 3 (Floren 23, 38, Bantin 81)
Vilita 2 (Banda 60, 65)

The Islands of Qutar

22-03-2006, 02:42

Qutar Sports News Network

Good Evening Qutar, we bring you live to our crucial match against Schiavonia. We have a capacity crowd here tonight at the Stadium of Light, with a plenty of Schiavones here tonight making it and electric atmosphere, a win here tonight would take the pressure of Qutar going into the game against Kericia, it looks like the players are coming out, and whats this? The Schiavones players are completly different from the team sheet i have in front of me! The whole of the Qutari press had this as the team that was playing us, this is unbelievable! This is the team Qutar has been preparing for, watching tapes of all the matches Schiavonia has played, especially the previous game on matchday seven. Well as the players line-up for the anthems ther is a growing mumur among the Qutari fans, and i'm not surprised! Well the game looks like its about to start, so we'll take you down live to the match.

What the hell are the research guys doing! They keep getting the wrong facts, and some games can't even give me the names of the players! What is going on, I want changes, your hear changes or i'm out of here!

Well it looks like Schiavonia have won the toss and will start the match off, and I have managed to get the names of the "new" squad of players for Schiavonia, and Topp starts the match off, as Schiavone makes an attacking move forward, but is dispossesed by Chris Saunders who seeing Siese making a move forward passes the ball up to him, he manages to get past Besenares, yes that is Besenares, and sees Ali making a run, passes the ball to him, and Ali has managed to elude his marker and he's through on goal, he unleashes a shot, but Kearns manages to save the shot! Kearns launches the ball up the field and he finds McGee who is moving up on the counter-attack and Schiavonia have got players in support, and its five on three at the moment and McGee offloads a pass to Schiavone as Kelly comes out to challenge him, Schiavone passes to Topp who's in miles of space and he shoots, oh it gets past Stone! Its a goal........ Qutar are 1-0 down within ten minutes....... Well Qutar have got to re-group after a devistating start by Schiavonia, the away fans are going crazy.

Well Qutar start off the game again, and they are immediatly hasseled by the Schiavone strikers, and Siese has to turn back the ball to Gordon, who seeing Tomlin making a run on the left flank, sends a pass over his way, but its been cut out by Swollocks, who sends it straight back up the other end of the field, Porse manages to get on the end of the ball, and heads toward the Qutari goal, he's been tackled by Howell just outside the box, oh and the referee has awarded a free kick! Its in a dangerous position, just outside the box. It looks like its going to be Swollocks to take the free kick, he chips it into the box and Besenares has outjumped Howell, and has sent the ball over Stone! Oh no! 2-0 inside 15 minutes.........

It doesn't bode well for Qutar as.............................

[RECEPTION CUTS OUT]

.........................................

Sometime later a scorecard is shown.........

The Islands of Qutar 1 (0) - (3) 3 Schiavonia
Ali, 67 Topp, 7
Besenares, 13
Schiavone, 32

The Kazoo Peoples

22-03-2006, 03:29

Due to concerns about our internet connection dropping and us losing all of our work and then people of our fine nation not having news for tomorrow (OOC:The Kazoo City Courier is entirely digital, distributed via Compact Discs), this news article will be rather short.

Okay, so we made that up. In fact, we just have a few minutes before we come to deadline for our CDs to burn.

Qualified
Playoff secured
Playoff only chance to qualify
Eliminated

Group 2
Pos Team P W D L GF GA GD Pts
1 Total n Utter Insanity 14 12 0 2 46 13 33 36
2 Bettia 14 9 2 3 44 22 22 29
3 Nanakaland 14 9 1 4 23 21 2 28
4 The Kazoo Peoples 14 7 2 5 33 28 5 23
5 The Weegies 14 6 3 5 24 21 3 21
6 Tynelia 14 5 4 5 14 15 -1 19
7 Risa-Aramour 14 3 4 7 15 32 -17 13
8 Algal states 15 4 1 10 18 38 -20 13
9 The New Chakovnia 15 0 1 14 16 43 -27 1

We went to Ronald McDonald for some help interpreting this mess of colors, numbers, and statistics.

"Well, as you can see, the Kazoos are down by five points for that vital third-place spot, which gives the Kazoos another chance to qualify by virtue of a playoff match. There are only a few scenarios, and I've condensed them into a few charts:

"For Total n Utter Insanity, they are already in, so don't expect me to explain anything else.

"For Bettia, a win or draw guarantees them at least a playoff spot. Coupled with a Nanakaland loss, a win would guarantee Bettia of direct qualification. We'll have to see just what happens when it comes down to the final game.

"For Nanakaland, a win will guarantee a playoff spot. Two draws will earn them at least a playoff spot. They need some cooperation from Bettia if they want to directly qualify.

"And now, us. For a playoff spot, we need to win out, whilst Nakakaland loses out. Or, if Nanakaland wins, Bettia needs to lose out, but have a goal difference worse than us (will be at least +7 if we win out). This is unlikely, since currently, Bettia's goal difference is +22. So look for Bettia to qualify. In the event that Nanakaland draws, and then loses (or vice versa), we will grab the final playoff spot in Group 2 by virtue of better goal difference: as mentioned above, we will have a goal difference of at least +7, while Nanakaland will have a goal difference of less than +1."

Ah, thanks Ronald. Always a treat.

And now, scores from the past few days that we neglected to mention:

MD13:
Total n Utter Insanity 6-1 Risa-Aramour
Bettia 3-0 Tynelia
The Kazoo Peoples 3-2 The Weegies
Algal states 4-1 The New Chakovnia

MD14:
The New Chakovnia 1-4 Total n Utter Insanity
Algal states 0-6 Bettia
Risa-Aramour 2-2 The Kazoo Peoples
Tynelia 1-0 Nanakaland

MD15:
Total n Utter Insanity 2-1 Bettia
The Kazoo Peoples 4-1 The New Chakovnia
Nanakaland 1-1 Algal states
The Weegies 3-1 Risa-Aramour

MD16:
Nanakaland 2-5 Total n Utter Insanity
The Kazoo Peoples 5-3 Bettia
The New Chakovnia 0-3 The Weegies
Algal states 0-2 Tynelia

KAZOOS PROGRESS IN WC27:

PROGRESS IN WORLD CUP 27 (8-2-6*):
MD1: loss to Algal states 3-1, home
MD2: loss to Total n Utter Insanity 2-0, home
MD3: loss to Milchama (friendly) 4-2, home
MD4: win over The Weegies 2-1, away
MD5: win over Risa-Aramour 2-0, home
MD6: win over The New Chakovnia 2-0, away
MD7: loss to Bettia 4-3, away
MD8: loss to Nanakaland 3-2, away
MD9: draw with Tynelia 1-1, home
---
MD10: win over Algal states 5-0, away
MD11: loss Total n Utter Insanity 5-1, away
MD12: win over Lowland Clans 3-0, home (friendly)
MD13: win over The Weegies 3-2, home
MD14: draw with Risa-Aramour 2-2, away
MD15: win over The New Chakovnia 4-1, home
MD16: win over Bettia 5-3, home
MD17: Nanakaland, home
MD18: Tynelia, away
*Includes friendlies.

Fmjphoenix

22-03-2006, 03:54

Matchday 17 Scores (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showthread.php?p=10616877#post10616877) are now available.

Mr Chuck Norris

22-03-2006, 03:54

Chuck Norris News
For All Of Your Fighting Norris Coverage

Well... it's over for the Fighting Norris, their unexpectedly good season is all in vain. After a recent 0-2 loss at Rolatia, and a following win by Rolatia over The Belmore Family on the Fighting Norris' bye week, Rolatia earned their 23rd point, that with only two matches left, keeping the 16-point Fighting Norris out of contention for a qualification spot. Basically, everyone ahead of the Fighting Norris in the standings could lose both of the upcoming matches and the Fighting Norris could win both, but that would only earn them fourth place, worth nothing in this Cup. It's over, the hopes, dreams, ambitions, aspirations, the rookie season is over. Sure there will still be matches... but what will they mean? Here's Coach of the Fighting Norris Bob Janney with a review of the Fighting Norris' one and only Rookie World Cup:

"It isn't any fun to lose, we all know that, but even though we didn't qualify, I still feel good. We pulled out a lot of unexpected wins in the cup that I didn't even dream of achieving. I remember some things that CNN's beloved ex-stats guy, Theo Retical, which the Fighting Norris miss dearly, said before his disappearance:
Ranked number 2 in the world, this constant World Cup threat (Liverpool England) should have no problem not only dominating the Fighting Norris, but dominating the group as a whole.
It's true that they dominated the group, but the 2-2 draw that our Fighting Norris pulled against Liverpool Enlgland in Matchday 13 will last in the hearts of everyone in the Holy Empire of Mr Chuck Norris.
Well, the Fighting Norris are only ranked at 187 in the world, so I don't know how much of a chance they have. Between the recent controversy and difficult group, all these guys have to hope for is a few draws and a couple of wins. I wish the best of luck to The Fighting Norris.[QUOTE]
Even Theo Retical, who was the first fan of the Fighting Norris though the Fighting Norris would only pull out a couple wins and a few draws. However, I thought we did better than a couple of wins and a few draws, with two more chances to attain wins/draws left.

I also recall something I said before our first match:
[QUOTE=Bob Janney, before the first matchday]I'll try to remain positive, but our chances of qualifying are next to nil.
I still stand by that statement, being in our rookie year, and in a group with powerful teams like Liverpool England and Turori, I expected this to be a miserable year, but it wasn't.

Although the first year isn't technically over, the rest of the tourney are just like exibition matches for us. The best part about doing better than expected in your first world cup is the steep incline in rank, which we expect to see at the conclusion of the qualification rounds. Everyone out there are free to continue attending and watching our games, but I'm just saying, the team has lost their fire and wins may be harder to come by than normal."

Schedule of The Fighting Norris for World Cup 27
Matchday 1: At Yafor 2 (Loss 1-2)
Matchday 2: Vs. Allied Anime Worlds (Win 4-2)
Matchday 3: Vs. TheSuncoastofFlorida (Draw 0-0)
Matchday 4: Vs. Liverpool England (Loss 2-5)
Matchday 5: At The Lowland Clans (Draw 1-1)
Matchday 6: Vs. Rolatia (Win 2-0)
Matchday 7: On Bye
Matchday 8: At The Belmore Family (Win 4-1)
Matchday 9: At Turori (Loss 1-4)
Matchday 10: Vs. Yafor 2 (Draw 2-2)
Matchday 11: At Allied Anime Worlds (Loss 2-4)
Matchday 12: At TheSuncoastofFlorida (Win 2-0)
Matchday 13: At Liverpool England (Draw 2-2)
Matchday 14: Vs. The Lowland Clans (Loss 0-1)
Matchday 15: At Rolatia (Loss 0-2)
Matchday 16: On Bye
Matchday 17: Vs. The Belmore Family
Matchday 18: Vs. Turori

Fighting Norris Record: (4-4-6)

Considering how I posted this a mere twenty-odd seconds after the RP cutoff will my bonus be rewarded?

Qazox

22-03-2006, 06:26

QAZOX CITY HERALD

It all comes down to tommorrow. Qazox won it's match vs a weak Valertinette 3-0. The match was all Qazox' from the opening kick as Alicia "Speedy" Gonzalez quickly took the ball weaved through the Valertinette defence and scored the fastest goal in Qazox history in 22 seconds. After the lightning fast goal, the Valertinette defence tightened up and didn't allow the Black Oxen much oppertunities in the offensive end. The second half began with Valertinette pressing quickly trying for a tying goal, but a great tackle by Kiel Venice started a Qazoxian counter-attack which reultsed in a 55th minute goal scored by Roberta Lee, who was subbed in for Dylan Greene. Valertinette re-amped its offensive press, but couldn't contain a free kick by Manuel Aguirre in the 66th minute. With the match all but won, Coach Fuller switched to a 1-3-6 defence with both Lance Golden and Joanne ‘Square’ Root coming in replacing Francis Alouette and Manuel Aguirre. the tactic workd and John Frorr had his 2nd shut-out of the qualifing round.

In other action, Milchama beat a tired Elrich club 3-0, eliminating Elrich, Dorian and Sonya and Tanah Burung from qualification. What this means for Qazox is they need a Milchama loss or draw tommorrow, and Qazox to beat Vilita. If Milchama wins, then Qazox is eliminated. Especially tough for the Qazox players is that the Milchama-Hiiraan match tommorrow is scheduled to start 5 hours before the Black Oxen's match. So even before they take the field Qazox may be eliminated, but if Milchama loses or draws, then expect the Black Oxen to try to score as often as they can and win the match.

Here are today's scores and the Standings (Blue is Qualified, Red is Eliminated)

Group 3
Eauz 2-0 Hiiraan
Vilita 3-0 Tanah Burung
Milchama 3-0 Elrich
Qazox 3-0 Valertinette

Pos Team P W D L GF GA GD Pts
1 Eauz 15 12 2 1 43 7 36 38
2 Vilita 15 11 2 2 41 14 27 35
3 Milchama 15 7 4 4 26 24 2 25
4 Qazox 15 7 2 6 19 17 2 23
5 Tanah Burung 15 6 1 8 22 25 -3 19
6 Dorian and Sonya 15 5 2 8 14 28 -14 17
7 Elrich 15 5 1 9 16 28 -12 16
8 Hiiraan 15 3 4 8 10 18 -8 13
9 Valertinette 16 2 2 12 9 39 -30 8

Qazox's Qualifing Schedule

Match Day One--@ Elrich LOST 0-3
Match Day Two--Vs. Hiiraan LOST 0-1 at Fromburg Field, Fromburg: Attendence: 17,000
Match Day Three--Vs. Dorian and Sonya WON 2-0 at Estadia Pika, Pika City: Attendence: 77,988.
Match Day Four--Vs. Eauz LOST 0-1 at SaxerDome, Saxervilla: Attendence: 85,000.
Match Day Five-- @ Milchama WON 4-2
Match Day Six--Vs. Tanah Burung LOST 0-1 at SaxerDome, Saxervilla: Attendance: 42,000.
Match Day Seven--Exhibition vs. Graverville(QFL Champion) WON 5-0 at Qazian Memorial Stadium, Qazox City: Attendence: 79,250.
Match Day Eight--@ Valertinette WON 2-1
Match Day Nine--@ Vilita Draw 2-2
Match Day Ten--Vs. Elrich WON 1-0 at Rockport Field at Harborside, Rockport: Attendance: 71,200.
Match Day Eleven--@ Hiiraan LOST 0-1
Match Day Twelve--@ Dorian and Sonya WON 1-0
Match Day Thirteen--@ Eauz LOST 0-2
Match Day Fourteen--Vs. Milchama Draw 1-1 at Qazian Memorial Stadium, Qazox City: Attendence: 79,250.
Match Day Fifeeen--@ Tanah Burung WON 3-2
Match Day Sixteen--BYE DATE
Match Day Seventeen--Vs. Valertinette WON 3-0 at Fromburg Field, Fromburg: Attendence: 80,121. (1,198 over Capacity)
Match Day Eighteen-- Vs. Vilita at Qazian Memorial Stadium, Qazox City: Capacity: 79,250.

Sarzonia

22-03-2006, 06:28

Woodstock Daily Mail

The Fight Is On

by Ryan Calvin
Daily Mail Staff Writer

WOODSTOCK (21 March 2006) -- As the final matchday approaches, 25 teams still have a shot at clinching a playoff berth for the right to advance to the World Cup finals. Those 25 teams do not include the Sarzonian national football team, which played its final home match of World Cup XXVII qualifying and gave the supporters something to remember in a 6-0 shellacking that tied a record for the most overwhelming victory in Stars history.

Coach Dave Wilson gave the starting 11 its final tuneup before the World Cup finals begin and said "as many depth players as we can" will start the away finale against Rorysville. The team has set a record for the most wins it has ever had in a single World Cup qualifying session, actually eclipsing its mark of 13 wins with its 0:4 away win against Lethislavania.

"We need to get the depth players a final chance to get in some time," Wilson said. "The starters need to get as much of a chance to rest as they can before the real grind begins." Sarzonia (15-0-0, 45 points) have a chance to finish qualifying with an unblemished record, unbeaten and undrawn, for the first time in their 12 cup history, but Wilson said the team isn't focusing on records.

"We don't care if we don't get that record. We just want the World Cup," he said.

Fighting Chances
GROUP 1: Both Jeruselem and New Montreal States have clinched spots in the World Cup finals. Cuation have clinched a playoff slot. The rest of the teams are eliminated.

GROUP 2: Total n Utter Insanity and Bettia are through to the Finals. Nanakaland and The Kazoo Peoples are still vying for the playoff slot with former World Cup finals opponents The Kazoo Peoples two points adrift.

GROUP 3: Eauz and Vilita have punched their tickets to Bedistan or Fmjphoenix. Milchama probably has the best chance to play for the right to join them since they're two points clear of Qazox.

GROUP 4: The only drama in this group is finding out which team will play two extra matches. Hypocria lead a group of three sides vying for the playoff slot. Legalese need a win and a Hypocria loss away to Palacetonia and they're in. Lethislavania need a win and a Hypocria loss or draw and they're in. Hypocria can win and get in. Besides that, Sarzonia are going for perfection against group bottom feeders Rorysville with its B team.

GROUP 5: Crystilakere and Spruitland are through. Anathemic Republics, Cataduanes and The Solar Association are vying for the right to play on. Smart money is on Cataduanes as The Solar Association have to play second ranked Spruitland.

GROUP 6: The battle for the play-in slot is between Rordia and Praying2God. The Warriors have the easier matchup so they should advance barring a combination of miracles against them.

GROUP 7: Of the groups with three teams still in the chase for the playoff berth, this is the one where the third placed side has the biggest edge. Rolatia need only draw and they're through. TheSuncoastofFlorida and our friends, The Lowland Clans are still barely alive.

GROUP 8: Already decided with Starblaydia and Oliverry through to the Finals and Spaam in a playoff.

GROUP 9: Kelse are one point adrift of Chicanada, but they are hosting our dear friends from Nedalia whilst Chicanada travel to former World Cup powers Ariddia. We predict Chicanada advance to the playoffs from this group.

GROUP 10: The group that's seeing teams skid to the finish. Majeristan only needed a win against Casari to make everything elementary and the Islamic republic who dislikes us for some reason couldn't pull it off. They play Harlesburg in a finale that could send their rivals through if they don't get their act together. Former World Cup contenders Kaze Progressa are still in the mix as well.

GROUP 11: Despite the colour-coding we received from the World Cup organisers, Andossa Se Mitrin Vega are through to the playoffs while Tadjikistan and Lovisa are through to the finals.

GROUP 12: The Islands of Qutar made it to the World Cup finals after their World Cup debut as Baptism of Fire Cup champions and are still alive for a play-in match berth. Kericia are two points clear of the Islands of Qutar, however.

Green wombat

22-03-2006, 06:41

The HEXAGON Rebel

a Quick WC update, seeing as the government has offically closed down the Daily News due to security concerns. Green Womat beat Pudu 2-0 today in a match that was called with 6 minutes left due to a bomb threat. Pudu complained to the WCC about it, but htey ruled that due to security concerns the results will stand. tommorrow's match vs. Lovisa will take place in Lovisa due to the same security concerns.

We don't approve of the GWRM using bomb threats, but we still support the goal of total freedom in Green Wombat.

The Archregimancy

22-03-2006, 06:49

THE ARCHREGIMANCY BRINGS YOU

WORLD CUP TONIGHT

With Fr. Nicholas the Scribe and Fr. John the Golden-Throated

"Well... Fr. John... I can't be the only person in the Archregimancy who's been struck at how appropriate it is that we should qualify for the first time during Great Lent."

"I know what you mean, Fr. Nicholas... three consecutive qualifying campaigns where we were knocked out of the tournament on the very last day of qualifying - and now, just at the time when every resident of the Archregimancy turns himself to contemplation of the Paschal season - waddya know, we qualify in style. Why, if I hadn't dedicated my life to Christ, I might even have allowed myself a WOOO-HOOOOO or two. Not that I'm going to get carried away like that myself. Not me."

"But the qualifying campaign's not over quite yet, Fr. John...."

"Indeed not, Fr. Nicholas. There's still the little matter of deciding who's going to finish top of the group - us or those virgin-sacrificing dancing bird-worshipping heathens in Rejistania - and who's going to get that crucial group 6 playoff spot - Praying2God or silent surprise package Rordia."

"And additional flavour was given to last night's tie by the fact that Rordia's opponents were, well, us...."

"Absolutely, Fr. Nicholas. Any failure by our brave monks to perform against the Rordians would have been greated with deep suspicion in the Warrior's camp - so let's take a look at the highlights....

Once again the Dreamed Stadium was virtually empty as the home fans stayed home for Lenten reasons. And our lads were off to the worst possible start after only 8 minutes when Fr. Justinian fumbled this speculative long-range shot, and watched it squirm under his body for a 1-0 Rordia lead. He's come in for a lot of stick for that mistake from people who think he should spend more time on goalkeeping that icon painting - but he's only conceded a goal a game this campaign. Surely he's allowed the occasional mistake.

Any concerns by the single Praying2God observer we'd allowed into the nation that the lads would just allow Rordia to win must have been allayed just four minutes later, however, when a classic Archregimancy corner saw Fr. Michael the Lesser send in the corner, and Fr. Michael the Greater head it past the despairing visiting 'keeper. Not that we were doing the heretics any favours - God forbid we should favour their Sabellian heresies - but sometimes you have to play for your own pride.

So, 1-1 at half time, and the lads looked rattled. As has so often been the case recently, however, a half-time spent in quiet contemplation and inspirational prayer proved to be quite a footballing tonic, and 11 minutes into the second half a rare goal for left winger Fr. Andrew the Twice-Found, who found the net on the second attempt, gave our lads the lead.

It was a lead they never looked like giving up, and in the 70th minute Fr. Silouan sealed matters by latching on to this clever pass from Fr. Constantine, rounding the floundering goalkeeper, and tapping it into the net. The only question remaining at that point was whether the Rordians were heretics, athiests, heathens, communists, or freemasons. Because they certainly didn't look Orthodox."

"Thank you, Fr. John - and let's look at the other group results:
Rejistania 0-0 Bazalonia - the Orange-Blues second 0-0 draw in a row, and their form has been patchy this qualifying season, what with that loss to New Pruessen and draws to much lower-ranked teams. On a practical level, this means that we win the group no matter what if we win or draw against the Bazalopes.
Praying2God 2-1 Swilatia - Well, now that we've done them a favour - however unintentional - hopefully the Warriors won't be joining the inexplicably large number of nations accusing us of either cheating or helping to kill their coach.
New Preussen 3-0 The Footie Dream Team - A meaningless result that merely confirms the Footie Nightmares finish last.

Which leaves the group table looking like:

Pos Team P W D L GF GA GD Pts
1 The Archregimancy 15 11 3 1 35 15 20 36
2 Rejistania 15 10 3 2 25 8 17 33
3 Praying2God 15 7 4 4 29 18 11 25
4 Rordia 15 7 4 4 25 18 7 25
5 Swilatia 15 4 5 6 23 29 -6 17
6 Bazalonia 15 3 6 6 20 18 2 15
7 New Preussen 15 4 2 9 16 30 -14 14
8 Popolus 15 2 6 7 13 29 -16 12
9 The Footie Dream Team 16 1 5 10 13 34 -21 8

So that playoff spot's going down to the wire..."

"Thank you, Fr. Nicholas. It remains only for us to say congratulations to fellow Orthodox nation New Montreal States for their own qualification, and good luck to the Hyppos of Hypocria - now in third with one match to go after their 1-0 win over Lethislavania. We've developed an inexplicable soft spot for the Hyppos despite their dubious canonicity - all of that soul-strengthening suffering they keep going through is obviously something we identify with. Are you sure they're not Orthodox?"

"'Fraid not, Fr. John, but I agree that with their record over the last few cups, they're half-way there already..."

[NS]Bazalonia

22-03-2006, 07:00

"Another All for nothing" by Nev Gould

When facing the "Karelan" team of the Rejistanian Orange-Blues at their home ground, hopes of a win where fairly low. The home team played in their usual defensive style, while the Bazalopes played a reasonably aggressive match. It seems the play styles effectively cancelled each other out. Bazalonia's weaker Defense was too strong for the Rejistanian weak offense, but Rejistania's Strong defense was also too strong for Bazalonia's strong offense. As a result no goals where scored. That's right it's the second match in a row that ended up being nil-all. The chances of this have been calculated by statisticians and when the opposition has been taken into account the chance of this is approximately .65 of a percent. Some new age weirdos have said that it was due to the conjuction of Juptiter with mars or whatever... no one pays any attention to them anyway. Whatever the cause the result is generally seen as a good thing.

..............

Press Release - BFP, Missing Persons Unit

Peter Hobble has been found. In a joint raid of an un-disclosed location by Bazalonian Federal Police and their Elrichian counterparts. Peter Hobble has arrived back in Bazalonia. He is said to be tired as the ordeal has taken alot out of him. No decision has been made on whether he will approach the new coach to be included into the team or not. He is glad to be back and will spend the next few days resting before making a decision about his future. We ask for media to respect Peter's privacy in this time and let the man alone to deal with the various issues that he has to deal with.

Atheistic Right

22-03-2006, 07:32

<Despite the final preperations for war ARFA Sports logo and theme still where shown on the Television screen... blah blah blah.. yeah you know the rest>

"Welcome to this war edition of ARFA Sports - Your Strongest Sports News Around. I'm Charles" - Charles

"And I'm Darwin. welcome to the coverage of the 17th Matchday of the World Cup." - Darwin

"First things first... War News. The Ministery of External Affairs and War is pleased with the conscription turn-out and very few traitors had to be shot. Though you'd expect those traitors to be Collonie spies. The Ministery also reports that preperations and planning for the war is well underway." - Charles

"Good thing the Ministery of External Affairs and War gave not only the Archeopteri an exemption but also us news reporters as well. So we can give you the latest news in the progess of our team and the war." - Darwin

"Exactly, now onto todays match. Against the Kris... whatever their names where. They where hosted in Atheistic Right with an armed military guard no knowing what those Crazy Collonites might do." - Charles

"For their own safety of course, though the guards did not seem to shake them much as the team scored a goal in the 20th minute... though it seems that the forward that scored the goal, hand-balled the ball just seconds before the shot on goal took place though for some reason the referee was blind." - Darwin

"Yes... many people think that the referee was either a Collonie sympathiser or a Collonie Spy for letting that goal through, But we scored twice more. There was nothing at all that the referee could do as both goals where obviously proper goals. Let's see the first one. It's in the 34th minute." - Charles

Jackal had the ball and made an agressive move towards the goal. Knowing what Jackal was capabile of watching his previous attempt no-one seemed to want to get in the way and Jackal made a shot towards the goal which totally fooled the goalie which ended up leaping the wrong way.

"What a good shot by Jackal... What about the second goal? - Darwin

"Well unfortunately we have to go to our reporter embedded in one of the military divisions. So we'll switch over to Simon Chance. At an undisclosed location.... Simon you there?" - Charles

"Yes I am Charles, it's hectic here at the staging point for Here we have people aged from 14 to 65 all getting their intial gear and undergoinging last minute training. I have numbers but I can't reveal them as it probably will get back to our adversary but theres a lot and morale is high. Watch out Collonie, here we come." - Simon

"Thank you for that Simon, and we now return to your regular programming. I'm Charles." - Charles

"And I'm Darwin. Remember ARFA Sports - Your Strongest Sports News Around, now being broadcast on ARAF News & Entertainment Network." - Darwin

Dorian and Sonya

22-03-2006, 07:47

Mystical Unicorns Prepare to "Shock" Eauz

Queen Sonya used the bye date of the Unicorns to help coach Luthien Oronar evaluate the squad’s chances in the final match day against Group leading and seemingly unstoppable Eauz. The evaluations did not come out very well for the Unicorns no matter how things were twisted, turned, and completely reorganized. Nothing in the world would give the ability to the squad to beat Eauz. Except of course the old saying “On any given day…………” not much to build on.

As the Unicorns have already been eliminated from contention in their first WC experience, it was time to look forward to a Cup of Harmony berth the squad hoped to secure. For that reason normal starters were being benched in favor of “experience gaining” in the Eauz match. Altáriël Telperiën, Nátulcien Eluch`div`, Tári Falassion, and Eámanë Súrion would become cheerleaders for the final match.

The girls would also sport a surprise kit for the match in an attempt to take away the concentration of the Eauz players. Now if the idea will only work……..
http://i40.photobucket.com/albums/e228/Sonya0111/DSKItforEauz.jpg

In thinking about the Unicorns first international competition, one will have to admit that the girls put in a good showing. 5 wins, 2 draws, and 17 points is not bad for a side ranked 211th when this all began. Perhaps that will improve to 6 wins or 3 draws and 18 or 20 points. After all we did beat Vilita. Only Milchama can say the same. Not even Eauz managed to do that one.

Andossa Se Mitrin Vega

22-03-2006, 07:59

http://i14.photobucket.com/albums/a318/stormgiantxxxl/ASMVFNN.jpg

ASMV Earns Playoff Spot - Wow!

This is Kellan Kildan reporting to you live from somewhere in Giant Zucchini.

Today was a very important match for the Sea Dragons as the Zucchinis looked to ruin the ASMV chances of earning a chance to play for the final 6 spots in WC27. Bequeleria and Pastorville both were hard on the heels of our squad as the day began and ASMV desperately did not want the final match in Pastorville to be the deciding factor. Therefore they needed to win this one and hope for losses from the other two.

The Sea Dragons were ready to take care of their part in things. 21 minutes into the match, Porche Alexander finally found the net again and put ASMV up 1-0. Giant Zucchini was determined to even things up, but the ASMV defense proved its might. Keeper Shaun Conarky played brilliantly and would end things with a clean sheet. Pablo Iglesias scored the other ASMV goal in the 49th minute. ASMV pulled the upset in Giant Zucchini 2-0.

Now they just had to wait on the other scores to know what would need to happen. The first score in was from Tadjikistan. The Tigers had handed Bequeleria a 4-1 beating. One down - one to go. Sources say that Unami Banta-N’bai could actually be seen praying as they awaited the Pastorville result. And it seemed those prayers were unanswered as news came in that the Saints had beaten the Lovisans. No one wanted to face the Saints in Pastorville to see who kept playing. But just after the cursing began, a correction was made in the broadcast. Lovisa had beaten Pastorville 2-0. That meant one thing - ASMV would play for a chamce to make the World Cup Proper. The celebration was now in full swing.

It was also reported that a Giant Zucchini fan was detained for making an unofficial radio broadcast. One that gave the wrong Pastorville result to the ASMV squad to begin with. Reports also say he was laughing the entire time at the way the Sea Dragons reacted to the news. We hope he gets the chair.

Spruitland

22-03-2006, 09:28

Wabbits do the expected

A few avoidable draws and losses spun it out a bit longer than necessary, but in the second to last qualifying match, the Wabbits did what they had to do: ensure a ticket to Bedi/Fmj28. In one of their few home matches of the second qualifying half, they hosted Anathematic Republics, the only challenger left for a top two spot. And the Wabbits did not want to leave the race open until the last day, because that’s just asking for trouble.

So a solid performance was desirable tonight, and that’s just what the crowd got. The Wabbits kept it tight at the back for the entire match and were plenty lethal up front, shutting up the naysayers who had cropped up after their poor streak, where they lost points to Nebuleux and D2R. But a 4-0 - with goals from Jools (2), Provoost and Beck - in a match with a reasonable amount of pressure brought back some hope that Spruitland might actually make it past the World Cup group stage this time.

Which, let’s be honest, would be nice. The Wabbits now qualify for their fourth consecutive Finals (only missing out on their first attempt), but have yet to reach the knockout stages of the competition. The time is right, many feel.

“It is,” Wabbits coach Cor Bensen agrees. “We’ve been in the top 30 for a while now, creeping up a few places each time, but if you want to get anywhere near the top 10, it’s not enough to just qualify, you need to go far in the Finals.”

“I’m not asking for a miracle,” he added. “Sure, the further we get, the better, but after three group stage eliminations, I’d just be happy with a place in the Second Round already. The generation that won the BoF is wearing thin, and there’ll be barely any of them left in the team for World Cup 28. It’d be nice for the lads to put the Spruitland team one step higher up the ladder before they retire.”

Tadjikistan

22-03-2006, 11:26

The fight is over
By Simon Grinchik, part time sportsjournalist

The Tigers were already certain of their qualification, well ahead of Lovisa but the Sea Dragons were still fighting for their ticket to the World Cup. With Pastorville and a surprisingly strong Becquerelia breathing down their necks.

A strong Tadjik squad, eager to help out the Sea Dragons, one of the few teams the Tadjik sympathized with, was quick to gain the upperhand against Becquerelia back in the Isserson Stadion in Dushanbe. Driving their opponent back onto their own half and piercing through their defenses four times, the Tadjik won. But Zaev was still concerned.

'We conceded a goal today, that has only happened twice since i'm around, against Lovisa and Giant Zucchini. Meaning our defense wasnt at 100% today. Its important that we get everything right now, before we go to the World Cup and suck. I'm going to look at the tapes a couple times, the last match against Georgonia will be a last test before the hard work.'

Although Zaev worried about his team, the fans enjoyed the Tadjikistans drive to the top, Something they could only dream of a week ago. Already fans are reserving their tickets for matches of the Tigers, even when noone knows whom they'll play against. Some fans were so ridiculously sure of Tadjikistans future sucesses that they wanted to order tickets to the second round.

Tadjikistan - 4
Tulberdiev '20, Saradov '44 '70, Zyrianov '85
Becquerelia - 1
Constantine '52

Pos Team P W D L GF GA GD Pts
1 Tadjikistan 15 11 3 1 43 9 34 36
2 Lovisa 15 10 3 2 38 11 27 33
3 Andossa Se Mitrin Vega 15 7 2 6 19 26 -7 23
4 Becquerelia 15 4 7 4 13 15 -2 19
5 Pastorville 15 6 1 8 10 15 -5 19
6 Emporer Pudu 16 4 5 7 13 25 -12 17
7 Green wombat 15 4 3 8 16 34 -18 15
8 Giant Zucchini 15 3 4 8 20 25 -5 13
9 Georgeonia 15 3 4 8 10 22 -12 13

Fixtures:
MD1: Stay home, do nothing
MD2: Giant Zucchini - Tadjikistan W 1-3
MD3: Tadjikistan - Pastorville W 2-0
MD4: Green Wombat - Tadjikistan W 0-4
MD5: Tadjikistan - Emperor Pudu D 1-1
MD6: Lovisa - Tadjikistan L 2-1
MD7: Tadjikistan - Andossa Se Mitrin Vega W 3-0
MD8: Becquerelia - Tadjikistan D 1-1
MD9: Tadjikistan - Georgonia D 1-1
MD10: Stay home again, do nothing
MD11: Tadjikistan - Giant Zucchini W 3-1
MD12: Pastorville - Tadjikistan W 0-4
MD13: Tadjikistan - Green Wombat W 6-0
MD14: Emperor Pudu - Tadjikistan W 0-4
MD15: Tadjikistan - Lovisa W 2-1
MD16: Andossa se Mitrin Vega - Tadjikistan W 0-4
MD17: Tadjikistan - Becquerelia W 4-1
MD18: Georgonia - Tadjikistan

Tadjik Goalscorers:
Zyrianov - 13
Saradov - 11
Tulberdiev - 8
Pliiev - 4
Kirponos - 2
Kornilov - 2
Priore - 1
Gurchev - 1
Zverev - 1

Starblaydia

22-03-2006, 12:53

Spaam KO'd, Raph Too
Starblaydia qualify for World Cup

Ladies and gentlemen, may I present the third and fourth-greatest goalscorers in the near fifty-year history of Starblaydi football. Menecrates and Dasha Tolkacheva. Throughout this qualifying campaign they've been up amongst the goals with nine and ten respectively, but it's obvious today that we're looking at two people who are better at putting a ball into a net than any others.

Menecrates' hat-trick against Spaam was his third international hat-trick, more than any other Starblaydi player in history. The only other player close to him is Dasha Tolkacheva, with two. She, however, is now fourth on the all-time list of Starblaydi goalscorers with twenty-five goals. Players such as Darius Belizaire, Eomer Hall, Jakkinho and even the concussion-inflicted Raphaelo have all fallen into her wake. What's more fascinating, though, is how she's only twenty-four years old, and has only won thirty caps for her country. She 'only' needs four more goals in this campaign and the World Cup Finals combined to take her above Zhorin Tumunzahar's record tally of 13 in a campaign.

Don't forget Menecrates, of course, as he has nine goals to his name this campaign, the thirty-two year-old now third on the all-time list with twenty-seven, and he's not even a striker! Captain Menecrates is supposedly a midfielder, albeit one of the greatest in the world, but his attacking play is quite literally second to none.

Final Score from Spaam:
Spaam 0 - 5 Starblaydia
(None) - (Tolkacheva 10, Menecrates 31 & 42 & 87, Vega 60)

Tynelia

22-03-2006, 13:57

<camera zooms in on the header of a newspaper declaring “Total n Utter Shocker!” before it fades back and reveals that the paper is being held by Sal Spikeman>

“Hello everyone and you saw correctly. In a result that has shook the soccer world nearly to the extent of Mr.Chuck Norris’ draw with #2 in the world Liverpool England, Tynelia went to the home field of #5 in the world Total n Utter Insanity and rallied to a 1-1 draw. Now some might try to limit the success here as it should be said that after taking a 1-0 lead into the half, Total n Utter Insanity emptied the bench for the second half not wishing to have any injuries this close to the start of the Cup itself. However it should be noted that like every team here, the Total n Utter Insanity squad was made up of the best players in their country so even their backups are considered some of the best players in the country.

“However Tynelia’s quest to finish fourth in the group ended as the surging Kazoo Peoples continued their improbable rally to steal the number three qualifying spot with a convincing 2-0 shutout over a suddenly stumbling Nanakaland team who have gone 0-1-3 since their upset over Bettia just before their bye. Bettia helped Tynelia out with a 2-1 win over the Weegies which means that Tynelia still has a chance to take fifth place. No matter what now, Tynelia has guaranteed that it will finish no worse than sixth, leading Risa-Aramour by four points with one game left. So Anna how are things looking now?”

“As you said, the charge of the Kazoo Peoples ended Tynelia’s hopes of finishing fourth but fifth is in reach. But the big news here has to be the draw against the number one seed in the group and one of the top five in the world. Previous to this match the only blemishes on their record was a first half loss to Bettia and an upset loss to the Weegies, ironically this win is what is keeping the Weegies ahead of Tynelia right now. Now basically there are only two games left in this group that have any significance at all. The Kazoo Peoples/Tynelia match and the Weegies/Nanakaland match.

“As you can see from the chart below these two matches have three of the hottest teams in the second half of the tournament.”

1) Total n Utter Insanity 5-1-1 for 16 points
2) The Kazoo Peoples 5-1-1 for 16 points
3) The Weegies 4-1-2 for 13 points
4) Tynelia 3-3-1 for 12 points
5) Bettia 3-1-3 for 10 points
6) Nanakaland 3-1-3 for 10 points
7) Risa-Aramour 2-2-3 for 8 points
8) Algal States 1-1-6 for 4 points
9) New Chakovnia 0-1-7 for 1 point

“The results are simple at this point. If the Kazoo Peoples beat Tynelia and Nanakaland loses or draws with the Weegies then the Kazoo Peoples are in as they currently hold a +7 to 0 goal differential edge. If either the Kazoo Peoples draw or tie then Nanakaland is in no matter what they do. Likewise if Nanakaland wins they are in no matter what happens in the Kazoo Peoples’ match. With both games scheduled at the same time there will be lots of scoreboard watching on all four teams’ part.”

“And could you explain to the viewers what you mean by all four teams being interested in the scores Anna?”

“I was just getting to that Sal. Though both eliminated from the Cup, these two games matter to Tynelia and the Weegies as far as their places in the standings as well. If the Weegies win they will hold onto fifth place no matter what Tynelia does. If the Weegies lose or draw and Tynelia wins then Tynelia gets fifth. The interesting scenario is if Tynelia draws and the Weegies lose which would put them both at 21 points each. With the Weegies holding a +2 to -1 edge in scoring that means Nanakaland would have to beat the Weegies by four goals for Tynelia to move past them. The Weegies have scored 10 more goals overall than Tynelia so if both sides have the same goal differential then the Weegies would get the spot.”

“Ok got all that everyone? Good, now getting back to today’s match Anna. This was a great effort by Tynelia even if the game was rather meaningless to Total n Utter Insanity. This might help Tynelia’s chances in the Cup of Harmony selection process. Plus its further proof that Tynelia won’t just roll over for any team even if they are eliminated. With that in mind, Tynelia is in a perfect position to play the spoiler’s role against a red hot Kazoo Peoples squad that is matched only by Total n Utter Insanity this second half. As viewers may recall, Tynelia visited the Kazoo Peoples at the end of the first round and came away with a 1-1 draw that was Tynelia’s first point against a higher ranked squad. And from that point on Tynelia, like the Kazoo peoples have had a very good second half with only one loss apiece. Now with the homefield crowd behind them and new soccer heroine Amy Whiteworth in net after two tremendous showings against the fourth and first seeds, the Kazoo peoples must be a bit worried coming here.”

“Maybe Sal, but remember the Kazoo Peoples will be throwing caution to the winds here as well. Don’t forget many people already conceded a top three spot to Nanakaland after the first half of play. No one expected any team to come back on those teams. But the Kazoo Peoples have in a big way. I bet no one even on their team thought they’d be playing their final game still alive for a qualifying spot. I’m sure several of them are thinking that Tynelia should be concerned that such a hot team like them are coming to visit rather than the other way around.”

“That’s a good point too Anna. Now back to today’s game. Really this time. Tynelia was a decided underdog after being beaten at home 3-1 the first time around and no one really felt they had a chance going to visit Total n Utter Insanity this time around. The first half seemed to reinforce this as Tynelia was outshot 11-4 at the half. Only the stellar goaltending of Amy Whiteworth kept this close though she finally let a shot past her at the 40 minute mark to let the home team take a 1-0 lead into the half. This was by the way the first goal she had allowed in World Cup play.”

“The second half started and Total n Utter Insanity fielded a new look as they put in their reserves though their starting keeper remained in net so he could stay sharp. Tynelia came out much more aggressively in the second half, no doubt fired up by Coach O’Meara at the half and pushed the pace against the reserves who were not quite as smooth together as the starters had been. Finally at the 74 minute mark Jay Masterson blasted a rebound of a Brian Kenders miss into the net for the tying score. Both sides went back and forth after that but both keepers stood firm and Tynelia celebrated when time ran out and they escaped with a point against the 5th ranked team in the world.”

“The second half was mostly controlled by Tynelia who turned it around and held a 10-6 shot advantage. Quality shots favored the #1 seed by a 5-3 mark and they had the edge in time of possession as well by six and a half minutes. Still the Tynelian squad was more than happy to head back home with a point and the news that they could still finish fifth in their group.”

“And Sal, with one game to play the team reached Coach O’Meara’s stated goal after the first half of reaching the twenty point mark. I think there’s a bit of national pride at stake too. Tynelia was in the top eight in the Baptism of Fire and I’m sure something was said about around the halfway mark of all the teams that they had finished ahead of that were leading them here. If they can pull off yet another upset against the Kazoo Peoples they’ll be well placed among the BoF squads.”

“So let’s get right down to it Anna. How do you see the two big games coming up turning about?”

“Well I’ll start with the Weegies vs. Nanakaland in Nanakaland. The Weegies have been playing much better soccer in the second half and have actually gotten 3 more points than Nanakaland to this point. Nanakaland as you mentioned also hasn’t won in their last 4 matches. However never underestimate the homefield edge. If Nanakaland wants to avoid becoming part of World Cup lore as chokers they must show something here. I think this will be a very close match and end in a 2-2 draw.

“As for Tynelia and the Kazoo Peoples, two very hot teams go at it. Tynelia stealing a draw in their visit to the Kazoo Peoples the first time around is a big confidence booster here knowing that now they’ll have their Tynelian Towel waving fans screaming their support. Add to that the stellar play of the newly dubbed “Amazing” Amy Whiteworth and the Kazoo Peoples will have their hands full here. I admit I’m caught up in this excitement as much as the next person so I’m going to go with my heart here and say that Tynelia survives with a 2-1 win which, if my other prediction comes through will have them finish their first World Cup with a respectable 23 points and a 5th place finish in the group.”

“Ok Anna, glad to hear it, now lets just hope everyone cooperates. And now here’s the lovely Harmonie Harris with the weather for this final world cup match.”

“Hi Sal! Hi Anna! I’m going to do this report in a special way. I’ve been studying all day and now I know I can give the weather in a language they can understand.”

<Harmonie pulls a kazoo from her pocket and starts playing it attempting to speak at the same time. She plays the kazoo for a few minutes and then sets it aside>

“And that’s the weather in Kazooese, back to you Sal!” she finishes beaming proudly at her foreign linguistic skills.

“Um, thanks Harmonie. Anna, the camera’s on us, stop burying your head in your arms on the desk and crying like that. So, that’s all the time we have for today. The big game will be shown live and we’ll be here all through the match keeping our viewers posted on the Nanakalnd/Weegies game which means so much to both Tynelia and the Kazoo Peoples. Until then this is Sal Spikeman for Anna Dalespin wishing everyone a good night.”

<credits roll>

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