World Cup 26 Roleplay Thread [Archive] - Page 2

The Archregimancy

24-01-2006, 06:15

THE ARCHREGIMANCY BRINGS YOU

WORLD CUP TONIGHT

With Fr. Nicholas the Scribe and Fr. John the Golden-Throated

"So.... Fr. John... Bedistan. The strongest team in the group. Away. Not much chance there, then?"

"You'd think not, Fr. Nicholas - but before I discuss that, any thoughts about the Anathematic Republic match?"

"Well, bit of a farce really, wasn't it? But Satan's puppets were given what they deserved."

"Absolutely. Anyway... Bedistan... for the third time this campaign we spotted the opposition a 2 goal lead - but this time the opposition was considerably tougher. Let's take a look at the highlights....

In the 15th minute, Zamboni and Moon start a fine overlapping move on the right, Fr. Andrew the Twice-Found goes in studs-up on Moon, is lucky to escape a red card, and on the ensuing free-kick Valentin volleys it past Fr. Justinian. Fr. Andrew will be doing heavy penance for that tackle, mark my words. A week of mountaintop fasting and meditation, perhaps.

Things became worse in the 42nd minute when Valentin scored his second - this time after a lovely through ball from Westinghouse. I do wish that Fr. Dmitri would relax his vow of silence for football matches - it does sometimes leave our central defence painfully exposed due to miscommunication.

So 2-0 to the opposition at halftime. Again. For the third time this campaign. And Bedistan are significantly tougher opposition than PopularFreedom or the United Island Empires - no offence to the latter two nations. But whatever prayers of supplication or thanksgiving Coach Kyrill, Metropolitan of Solovetsky, offers up at half-time seem to work miracles on the squad. Or perhaps he just gives them an old-fashioned bollocking. Either way, it works.

The lads were transformed in the second half, and less than 5 minutes into the half, Fr. Constantine the Learned unleashed this unstoppable bullet - and immediately ran to the sideline to venerate his namesake Saint's icon in gratitude.

Bedistan are a quality side, and they had their chances - like this diving header from Stalls, and Valentin seemed to think he had good reason to appeal for a penalty on the 6th second of the 66th minute - but the Archregimancy defence held.

And in the 75th minute, just reward for our toil, as Fr. Basil the Faster accelerated through the Bedistan defence, latched on to this pass from Fr. David, and sent it past Pratt for the equalising goal. Clearly a diet of lentils and onions is no impediment to footballing fitness.

So.... 2-2, and we'd managed a 2-goal comeback away against one of the best teams in the world"

"Stirring stuff, Fr. John"

"Indeed, Fr. Nicholas, and with Bedistan facing a bye in matchday 7, a win against the Catholic schismatics of Cataduanes would place us top of the group at the halfway stage"

"We can but pray, Fr. John.... we can but pray"

The Kazoo Peoples

24-01-2006, 06:39

An article by Yafor 2 leaves The Kazoo Peoples fuming, but they calm down to explain.

First, the article that got The Kazoo Peoples so angry:
Cup of Harmony Winners Look Aweful Against Kazoos (the instruments, that is)

Game 5
Yafor 2 1 - The Kazoo People 0

THE KAZOO PEOPLE - It was a cold-ish day in The Kazoo People, with overcast skies and more than a hint of rain. Television crews and radio broadcasters were notoriously absent from the scene, which was jam-packed full of Kazoo fans playing what could possibly be their national instrument, in a distracting (and rather petty) manouvre to distract the Golden Wolves.

As the referee blew his beginning whistle, it was almost impossible to discern the actual sound of the implement of beginning as kazoo-sounds reigned over the ears. As The Kazoo People team took the ball, it was obvious that many Yaforite players cringed and shuddered at the out-of-tune, flat, sharp, and just-plain-bad wave of distraction coming at them, an understandable reaction.
...
In the mean time, the Imperial Yaforite Football/Soccer Association (IYFA) has released a statement regarding the playing of kazoos during the match.

"We are appalled that the leadership of The Kazoo People would let such a distracting and rude process be conducted during football/soccer matches. While we understand that different countries have different practices, this just shows and utter lack of respect for the visiting side. We do hope that the WCC will do the right thing and ban these implements before any other team comes to harm"

Whether correct or not, this game not only caused controversy, but also resolve. Flamer has stated that "To beat our next opponent, Turori, we need to practice much harder" and that "this game will motivate us to practice more."

-Excerpt from The Ajerite Sun

The Ministry of Sport released the following statement refuting the claims made by The Ajerite Sun shortly after these accusations:

1. "Game 5
Yafor 2 1 - The Kazoo People 0"
The match score was 1-1, not 1-0 in favor of Yafor 2.

2. "...jam-packed full of Kazoo fans..."
In fact, attendence figures were released today: attendence only numbered 84,084 (due to the cold-ish weather that day), including both Kazoo and Golden Wolf fans. 20,000 tickets were reserved for Golden Wolf fans (and all were used), bringing the total number of Kazoo fans to 64,084. Hardly "jam-packed" in a stadium that seats well over 100,000!

3. "...playing what could possibly be their national instrument..."
We will admit that the kazoo is indeed our national instrument.

4. "...in a distracting (and rather petty) manouvre to distract the Golden Wolves."
Though the kazoo is the national instrument of the Kazoo Peoples, the Kazoo Peoples Ministry of Sport has not, and never has encouraged the use of kazoos during sporting events. The only exception was when the Ministry of Sport passed out free kazoos in local bars and nightclubs during the Kazoos' appearance in the Baptism of Fire (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=10183146&postcount=36). This was considered later to be a great mistake, as it caused one death and several injuries. It is, however, pheasible that a group of fans got together and decided to bring their kazoos along with them. Whether or not these were Ministry-provided, we do not know. However, we have estimated the total amount of kazoo-toting fans that passed through the gates at about 8,000.

5. "As the referee blew his beginning whistle, it was almost impossible to discern the actual sound of the implement of beginning as kazoo-sounds reigned over the ears."
This may or may not be true. Our nation has not yet determined how many decibels of sound kazoos make, but we do not estimate it over the decibels a whistle makes when blown. The pitch of a whistle is much higher than a kazoo.

6."...many Yaforite players cringed and shuddered at the out-of-tune, flat, sharp, and just-plain-bad wave of distraction coming at them, an understandable reaction."
We understand that there are "just plain bad" kazoo players, and we are trying to stop this wave of incompetence by teaching young schoolchildren how to play the kazoo at an early age so that people may not have to endure poor kazoo playing. We agree with your players' reactions, and for that we are sorry.

7. " 'We are appalled that the leadership of The Kazoo People would let such a distracting and rude process be conducted during football/soccer matches.' "
Let us remphasize here that the only time we have encouraged such behavior was when the Kazoo national soccer team was half way around the world in Reijistania playing in the Baptism of Fire.

8. " 'While we understand that different countries have different practices, this just shows and utter lack of respect for the visiting side. We do hope that the WCC will do the right thing and ban these implements before any other team comes to harm.' "
We understand your point of view, but kazoo-playing at football matches has been a tradition in The Incorporated States of The Kazoo Peoples for years. If your side had a problem with our tradition, one of your staff or coaches could have approached a referee or security guard and asked them to stop. Crowds in The Kazoo Peoples have been given yellow cards and red cards if they are being disruptive in the past, and steps could have been made to reduce kazoo playing at a match. However, we do feel that it does add a sense of home-field advantage (our media campaign to promote the tournament is "FEAR THE KAZOO"). But we are an accomodating nation and will attempt to please visiting nations.

If you seek further answers, please feel free to contact our nation at any time.

Andossa Se Mitrin Vega

24-01-2006, 06:47

HOLY S***! WE ACTUALLY WON ONEhmmmpf :headbang:

Total n Utter Insanity

24-01-2006, 09:40

Diaster!
Insanicians concede first goal in qualifying

Most of the fans have written off the rest of qualifying following the disastrous conceding of a goal against unknowns Lethislavania.

"Well there isn't much point coming to any more games is there?"

"I blame the new formula."

"Who ate all the pies?"

"I can fly! I can fly!"

Total n Utter Insanity 3 Lethislavania 1

Group 3 W D L F A D P
1. Total n Utter Insanity 6 0 0 16 1 15 18
2. Dehny 3 1 1 8 6 2 10
--------------------------------------------
3. Spruitland 3 0 2 12 10 2 9
4. Errinundera 2 0 3 6 8 -2 6
5. Lethislavania 1 1 3 7 13 -6 4
6. Andossa Se Mitrin Vega 1 0 4 6 11 -5 3
7. Very Angry Rabbits 0 2 3 3 9 -6 2

Apologetic Kittens

24-01-2006, 11:48

Bottom of the Group

The Kittens had such high hopes for this tournament, even turning over EL CID THE HERO. But since then the squad has just keeled over and died. No one quite knows what went wrong, although many blame it on the injury to key player Roberts, who returns in the next match. But the impact this shall have remains to be seen.

If the Kittens remain bottom of the group come the end of qualifying, I do not believe Mr. Moore will still have a job.

Cuation

24-01-2006, 12:16

Cuation Fight Back

In a tricky away tie against a skilled Schaiavonia side, Cuation where hoping for a point and somewhat grabbed it after being 3-1 down. Here are the highlights:

Cole gets to the ball and looks for options. Neither side have created anything yet as he boots the ball for Tanner to try and claim. Flicked on and Anderton muscles his way clear! He lashes it towards...Goal! Superb shot, no chance for Ben Kershaw. The first chance and Cuation have taken the lead! he small blue crowd crowd are cheering thier hearts out.

Half time! One chance, one goal as both teams seek each others measure. Cuation will no doubt seek to hold this lead. Heskey scored in the 36th minute and showed why he is in the team.

The Sloths continue to put Cuation under pressure as the ball is wung into the box once more. Flicked down into the goal mouth, Blocked, another shot parried and now Schiavone! Off the line! Yan got acroos and blocked it but thier are claims of handball as the ball is cleared. No penalty!

Giovanni Hatzori mishit that pass and a corner is given. As the home fans roar the team on, the centre backs come forward to add height for this set peice. Curled in and Marsden meets it! 1-1! A deserved equaliser as the defender got to the corner and his great header left Jens with no chance.

Butcher controls the long ball and has time. Plays it back to Jens, oh and Tarmey nicks it, open goal! 2-1 and the Sloths have taken second place in the group. Gary Jens yells at Butcher but the goalie was too eaisly beaten to the ball. Tarmey showed a real strikers instinct to score that goal.

Long ball for the defence to deal with. Oh but they have left it for each other and now McAndrew is closest. He shoooots! 3-1! 3 goals in six minutes and the sub has sunk Cuation. Gary Jens, Yan and Major left it for each other but it still took a good finish.

Both sides make changes, CJ Moore for Filipo Schiavone to hold this lead while playmaker Giovanni has had a poor game and is replaced by Rual. Cuation change to 4-4-2.

Moore with the ball as Schiavonia look to hang on for one more minute. Plays it back to the defence. Oh Rual has taken it off Park's toes! He gets away from Marsden, only Kershaw to beat! Great finish. This is the striker of old, sliding it across the exposed keeper. Cuation waste no time in celebrating.

The home fans whistle as Cuation attack again, Ashton breaking down the right. He has a go! Fine save from the thirty yarder. Cuation with the corner and everyone comes forward for this, including Gary Jens. The marking seems somewhat confused as Asthon drives it in hard. Tanner! Yes Yes Yes! 3-3! Cuation have takej second place back with the last kick of the match. Tanner had room and simply nodded it down past the keeper and Cuation have come away with a point. The result is harsh on the home team but you can't afford to blow a lead like that.

Jeruselem

24-01-2006, 12:46

Jeruselem Government News

BYE BYE BYE

JGN fans, no Hockey Canada, Nedalia or Jeruselem in World Cup 26 action on TV. There's a real simple explanation, all three teams had byes on Match day 6. Yes, all teams had byes on the same day. Weird. We don't understand either.

Apologies for the game of week being System Karela 0 Hurleyland 0. We intended the Praying2God 2 Fmjphoenix 0 game, but something funny happened.

Group 15 still played on.

OK, Jeruselem had a bye. AND WERE STILL 2ND. Funny that. We'll back on MD7 and should be well placed at the half-way stage.

Tadjikistan, what can we say? Tigers pounced again and trounced 47th seed Milchama 4-1. Milchama had a chance to take advantage of Jeruselem's bye but well, the Tigers just took them apart. 20 goals in 5 games is not a funny stat, it's bad for the opposition.

McPsychoville impressed again while Rordia failed again. McPsychoville's 2nd win, after kicking Rordia 3-1 out of the game. Only two wins but that's one less than Jeruselem. They also have lost one game than Jeruselem too. They move to 4th.

Artoonia made Race City look like slow city. A scraped 1-0 win but with two wins and draw, they are 3rd. We expected Milchama to be 3rd but not at the moment. 9 goals conceded in 6 games, that's good but scoring 6 is not.

All in all, top 2 did not change. The entire bottom half shuffled around. In fact, all these teams have been in top 4 except Jeruselem and Tadjikistan have stayed in top 2. It's a tight group but the real challengers to the top 2 seems to be not forthcoming.

OK, the GA scores are all scrambled now. But notice, all the teams apart from the top 3 have 3 losses each? Even the goal difference isn't much different.

Group 15
Tadjikistan 4 Milchama 1
Rordia 1 McPsychoville 3
Artoonia 1 Race City 0

Region 15 Pts W D L GF:GA GD
1. Tadjikistan 16 5 1 0 20:5 15
2. Jeruselem 9 3 0 2 15:12 3
3. Artoonia 7 2 1 2 6:9 -3
4. McPsychoville 6 2 0 3 9:13 -4
5. Milchama 6 2 0 3 11:16 -5
6. Race City 4 1 1 3 7:10 -3
Rordia 4 1 1 3 12:15 -3

[NS]Bazalonia

24-01-2006, 12:58

"Nankabird's soar the the Bazalopes leap?" by Nev Gould

The Nankaland Nankabirds, the only team in our group that the Bazalopes are yet to face. Infact the Nankabirds are the only team above us in rankings within group 9 that before the the qualifiers the coaching team thought they had any chance against. However it seems that the World Cup throws up surprises, Squornshelous and Collonie are two that immediately spring to mind. The Bazalopes have been put on a strict training and diet regime ot ensure peak physical performance in preperation for this match. Caine Hawdon Head Coach for hte Bazalopes have said "This is going to be a hard match, we are preparing the team both physically and mentally, we can win this one. We just need to be in proper form to do it." So can the Bazalopes leap and dominate the Nankabirds or shall the Nankabirds fly rings around the Bazalopes. I have asked the question to my magic 8-ball that lies at the bottom of my closet and I got "Please ask again later". So that wasn't help, it seems that ways of divining the result of this match have been prevented by the soccer gods. So while I would certainly like to say the Bazalopes win, that is something that I just cannot do, though some consolation is I can't say that Nankaland wins either.

Schiavonia

24-01-2006, 15:28

The Schiavone Scribe
SLOTHS ON FIRE!
Schaiavonia 4-2 Pyrologists911

Despite yet another thrilling game at the King Francesco Stadium, the football was overshadowed by the crazed behaviour of the visitors from Pyrologists911, who seemed intent on setting the entire nation of Schiavonia on fire.

The Schiavonia sloths really showed up their opponents by scoring four relatively easy goals past them, but it was the goals at the other end that were part of the controversy.

The Pyrologists first came when they had a corner, and one of the players tried to set the goalposts alight. He failed, however, when Filipo Schiavone spotted what he was about to do and rugby tackled him to the ground. The referee, seeing only what Schiavone had done, sent the Sloths striker off and gave a penalty.

Their second goal came in the final minute, when the team coach took it upon himself to run amok around the main stand in the stadium with a flaming cloth in his hand. This distracted the home team, while it appeared to be quite normal behaviour for the visitors, who scored a second.

Still, the Sloths scored four, which was anough to put them into second place! If they hold on to that position, they qualify!

"Let's not get ahead of ourselves," manager Rodney Lowe warned, "There are still seven games to go, and though Rejistania could brobably book their flights to the finals now if they haven't already, any one of the next four could probably finish second. Plus, we're in a good position for a top four finish, which was our aim to begin with."

Next up are Kudlastan, and the winner of that encounter will be in a very good position at half way. Unless it's a draw, then it remains the same.

Ratings
Schiavonia: Kershaw 7; O'Kane 7, Park 7, Marsden 7, Smith 7; SANDERSON 8, Jones 7, Weir 7; Topp 6 (McAndrew [65 min] 7), Schiavone 6, Tarmey 8.

Final score
Schiavonia 4 (Weir 17, Tarmey 32, 61, McAndrew 75)
Pyrologists911 2 (Firestarter pen 39, Arson 90)

Group 4 Pl W D L F A Pts GD
1. Rejistania 6 6 0 0 10 1 18 +9
2. Schiavonia 5 3 1 1 13 9 10 +4
3. Kudlastan 5 3 0 2 3 3 9 0
4. Cuation 5 2 2 1 9 5 8 +4
5. Kaze Progressa 5 1 0 4 6 12 3 -6
6. Alexandrian Ptolemais 5 0 2 3 0 5 2 -5
7. Pyrologists911 5 0 1 4 3 9 1 -6

Tadjikistan

24-01-2006, 16:12

Hard work pays off
Tadjiks end first round with a win

The Tigers get to take a break from their World Cup Qualifications knowing they will still be leading their group when they return in the second round thanks to an excellent first round. Especially this last match was much better than any Tadjik fan expected.

The Milchamian Warriors visited Dushanbe in search for badly needed points, necessary to push their team up to the top, closer to Jeruselem. Jaime Smith, the Warrior coach for this match, hoped to secure one point with a draw but things turned out quite differently.

A strong Tadjik team played an excellent match against an agressive opponent. Though it took a while before we saw the first good shots as the Tadjiks, but even more so the Milchamian Warriors, focus on counterattacks rather than creating an opportunity for themselves.

So the Tigers had to resort to their typical flank movement to get the ball rolling. Pliiev brought Salenko forward and made a first shot at the Milchamian goal, only to see the shot stopped by Tuck Koolerc, the Warrior goalkeeper. The man played a good match but ran out of luck when the Tigers kept attacking him.
The Tigers continued to use their flank tactic and beat him twice in the last few minutes of the first half.

In the second half the Warriors briefly took over from the Tigers and tried to equalize and while Gurchev was unable to keep the first ball out of his goal, he stopped Warrior topscorer Marc J. Floren from doing it a second time.

Bad luck haunted the Milchamian Warriors when Kendric Pevington stopped Oleg Salenko by pulling him away by his shirt. A penalty kick from 40m away was, especially for this distance, taken by Daniel Gurchev, Tadjikistans goalkeeper. He sent the ball over two defenders with a powerfull kick and into the left corner of the goal. Koolerc, not expecting such a shot from that distance, was paralyzed and could only watch as Gurchev made his first goal for the Tadjik national team. Gurchev is, by Tadjik standards, an old but strong player with lots of experience from his years at the top.

The Tigers were happy with the current score and the Sadirov brothers allowed their team to fall back on their own half. Milchama followed the example as they realized it was over for them. A last goal by the Tadjiks, a header by Pliiev on a corner kick sealed Milchama's fate.

With seven points seperating them from Jeruselem in second position, the Tadjik Tigers get to take a welldeserved pause from the scene without having to worry. Their main advesaries, Jeruselem and Milchama both have an easy match against a lowerranked side on their agenda, for Jeruselem, the opportunity to break away from the rest while Milchama gets another chance to follow the Crusaders and form the top three.

And with some luck, the Tigers will finally get to play the long awaited friendly match with Krytenia to commemorate the death of Karim Isserson, Tadjikistans first coach, who died recently. Fingers crossed.

Tadjikistan -4
Oleg Salenko '39, Yuli Mirdan '42, Daniel Gurchev '68, Michael Pliiev '86

Milchama -1
Marc J. Floren '52

Region 15 Pts W D L GF:GA GD
1. Tadjikistan 16 5 1 0 20:5 15
2. Jeruselem 9 3 0 2 15:12 3
3. Artoonia 7 2 1 2 6:9 -3
4. McPsychoville 6 2 0 3 9:13 -4
5. Milchama 6 2 0 3 11:16 -5
6. Race City 4 1 1 3 7:10 -3
Rordia 4 1 1 3 12:15 -3

Fixtures:
MD1: Tadjikistan - Race City W 3-0
MD2: Artoonia - Tadjikistan D 1-1
MD3: Tadjikistan - Rordia W 3-1
MD4: Jeruselem - Tadjikistan W 2-5
MD5: McPsychoville - Tadjikistan W 0-4
MD6: Tadjikistan - Milchama W 4-1
MD7: /
MD8: Race City - Tadjikistan
MD9: Tadjikistan - Artoonia
MD10:Rordia - Tadjikistan
MD11:Tadjikistan - Jeruselem
MD12:Tadjikistan - McPsychoville
MD13:Milchama - Tadjikistan
MD14:/

Tadjik goalscorers:
Salenko - 7
Saradov - 4
Zuhurov - 3
Pliiev - 2
Ashurov - 1
Kornilov - 1
Mirdan - 1
Gurchev - 1

Elrich

24-01-2006, 18:53

http://i21.photobucket.com/albums/b274/John_Spinks/Elrichlogopaint.jpg

HOWLS OF DELIGHT
Late late Wolfman goal saves BassettSIZE]

[SIZE="5"]Cockbill Street 2 - 2 The Kingdom of Elrich

The message from the FA was clear. Lose and your gone. Isn't it ironic that it was the one player who got Bassett into all this mess was the one who got them out of it. The Wolfman, an unpopular selection, scored the goal which saved Mike Bassett's job. The 94th minute, a flying header saw the Badgers gain an unlikely and incredible draw against the 11th best side in the world.

The Celebrations which followed the goal were unforgettable. The Wolfman was visibly ecstatic and raced over to the man who had placed his job on the line for the centre half to play to celebrate. The goal was not just for the Wolfman himself, but for Bassett.

What can be of even more importance to Bassett could be the performance. The players played with their hearts on their sleeves, they wanted to play for Bassett. Following the shambles of Amorah, it was just what Bassett needed. And the Badgers had to come from behind twice as well. The favourites took the lead against the run of play on 23 minutes but Elrich were level just before half-time. Great work by Jeremiah on the right-wing saw a looping cross met on the volley by Dan Singh-Queen, making his first start for 3 years, who sweetly hammered the ball into the top corner from the edge of the box. Only his second goal for his country, Singh-Queen was delighted and showed it with an incredible break-dancing celebration.

The Kingdom came out after the break a team with a mission - to win the game. Chance after chance came, but the Elrichian forwards found the Cockbill Street goalkeeper in inspired form. It looked as if there was only 1 winner until disaster struck in the 89th minute. A Jeremiah corner was cleared and on the subsequent breakaway, the pacy Cockbill Street striker rounded Gordon Burns before slotting home. Bassett couldn't beleive it, his hands were on his head, his reign as Elrichian manager was at an end. And then the Wolfman converted Matthew Alllen's right-wing cross and the rest is history.

The Kingdom of Elrich - Burns, Hodgins, Wolfman, P Spinks, Scaramanga, Allen, Jeremiah, J Spinks, Banks, Singh-Queen, Elrich

Rejistania

24-01-2006, 19:50

1:0 against Cuation after karelan match

The Orange-Blues once again succeeded and secured their place as group leaders, however only karelan fans could really like the match. After the twentieth minute when the striker Sejil'he scored the only goal in this match, the Orange-Blues shifted into their most defensive formation and for the rest of the match, made no attempt to increase he score. The Rejistanian coach Seletarakeledira "Maniac" Hanselijimijile got desperate and shouted selected seleken terms at the players, which we can surely not print here (not only because of their content but also because of their length). During the first 20 minuts, the Orange-Blues played in an attacking 5-4-1 formation, with Sejil'he as lone striker. After a counter-attack leading to the 1:0, the Orange-Blues because karelan and except for one long-distance shot by a Cuation player (OOC: yes, I know. You posted a roster, but this PoS-browser makes loads of problems accessing it, k? Yes, it is IE!), which went wide. The fans of Cuation apparently would have reacted much differently if the match would not have taken place in the EIKL (Estadije Ines Karela Lines), where a high amount of va'karela'ny is rumoured to still exist. This way at least temporarily, the fans from both sides could admire a very karelan match in which the more defensive side won (and they learned new seleken curses, but that is another issue).

Cuation

24-01-2006, 20:39

Cuation sunk into 4th place

Well after two wins, Cuation have managed only two draws and a defeat and now find themselves in fourth in the group. The Cuation team though did well against the strong Rejistanian side. Early dominance by CVuation didn't pay off as Sejil'he escaped his marker and finished off a fine counter attack.

Pushing forward, Cuation kept up the pressure and in the end played 2-3-6 but despite the possesion, they couldn't get a shot in. Playmaker Giovanni curling a speculaive volley wide but that was all. Most furstrating for the team but they can claim to have only lost 1-0 to the second best team in the world.

Next game is at home against some fire raisers, a win would be ideal at this half way point but if they fail to win, the fire in the fans hearts may result in something painful. Quite simply, Cuation can hand in the towel if they fail to get 3 points in thier next match.

Wentland

24-01-2006, 21:06

Hypocria

24-01-2006, 21:36

World Cup 26 News

Consistently Inconsistent

Hyppos Implode

Majeristan 4 - 1 Hypocria

Dave Wilson was once again left fuming as his Hypocria side produced another performance littered with defensive errors which lead to an embarrassing defeat to a side ranked a whopping 109 places lower down the scale.

Momo Diabang set the tone for the entire match when he totally switched off after just five minutes. A ball was played over the top and three of the back four stepped up to spring the offside trap. Unfortunately Diabang was not operating on the same wave length and played the opposition striker onside. The Falcon’s forward kept his cool to but the home side in front. The stadium’s clock hadn’t even reached ten minutes before the Falcons doubled their lead. Majeristan midfielder Sandalio Istali picked up the ball twenty five yards out, took aim and fired an unstoppable shot past an unmoving Derevko. Wilson’s halftime talk was made a little easier when Bercali made room for him self on the edge of the box and drilled in a low drive to half the deficit before the interval.

Unfortunately whatever pearls of wisdom the Hyppos’ World Cup winning coach had offered to his players went straight out the window just over a minute into the second half. Majeristan won a corner straight from the kickoff and defender Omar Joussaef rose completely unchallenged to power a header past Hypocria’s despairing keeper. At that point all heart seem to drain from the side and the Falcon’s put the Hyppos’ out of their misery with a killer fourth late on to wrap up all three points.

Elsewhere in Group 12 Oaker heaped more gloom on bottom side Palacetonia with a 3 - 1 away win and 200 plus ranked Hurleyland shocked top seeded One Red Dot, winning 1 - 0 at home.

One Big Point

One Red Dot 2 - 2 Hypocria

After another defensive debacle national coach Dave Wilson rang the changes again. Goalkeeper Ricardo Kindelan and midfielder Alex Rytter both returned after missing the previous two games while defenders Maelog Mumtazi and Chris Golla and veteran striker Andrei Shirko made their first appearances of the campaign. Derevko, West, Nalepka, Beria and Diabang were the players who made way.

Shirko

Bercali Molinari

Jenas Rytter

Baxter

Mumtazi Golla
Espartero Kreska

Kindelan

The Hyppos started with real fire in their bellies and after fifteen minutes Carlo Molinari side footed in Jenas’ ball from the left to silence the home crowd. But holding onto the lead at the home of the group’s top seeded side was always going to be difficult and the equaliser was duly and deservedly scored not long after.

The home side weren’t hanging around and went 2 - 1 up ten minutes into the second half. But after a shock defeat to Hurleyland in their last match the players of One Red Dot started to show some nerves. Hypocria’s captain Marcus Baxter capitalised on some indecision in the centre to steal the ball and find Shirko in the penalty area. The veteran striker rolled back the years and showed the kind cool that helped him to his previous thirty international goals to slot home number thirty one. For once the defence held firm for the remainder of the game to secure a very important away point.

On the other group games System Karela and Hurleyland fought out a not entirely surprising goalless draw while Majeristan moved up into second place after a 3 - 1 win over pointless Palacetonia, the Falcon’s third win in five games. Those results left the table looking something like this . . .
Region 12 Pts W D L GF:GA GD
1. One Red Dot 11 3 2 1 10:6 4
2. Majeristan 10 3 1 1 10:6 4
3. Oaker 8 2 2 1 12:5 7
4. Hurleyland 7 2 1 2 5:7 -2
5. Hypocria 7 2 1 2 8:13 -5
6. System Karela 6 1 3 1 1:1 0
7. Palacetonia 0 0 0 5 4:12 -8
After a pretty nerve racking run of four away games Hypocria finish the first half of the campaign in the more familiar surroundings of the Drissa Sports Arena. The three previous international fixtures in Drissa have finished in comfortable wins for the Hyppos and fans will certainly be looking for three points when bottom side Palacetonia visit on matchday 7.

Qualification Schedule

Hypocria v System Karela (Oceanside Stadium, Pylos) (1 - 0)
Bye
Oaker v Hypocria (6 - 0)
Hurleyland v Hypocria (1 - 4)
Majeristan v Hypocria (4 - 1)
One Red Dot v Hypocria (2 - 2)
Hypocria v Palacetonia (Drissa Sports Arena, Drissa)
System Karela v Hypocria
Bye
Hypocria v Oaker (Hyppodrome, Hypocrium)
Hypocria v Hurleyland (Oceanside Stadium, Pylos)
Hypocria v Majeristan (Hyppodrome, Hypocrium)
Hypocria v One Red Dot (Hyppodrome, Hypocrium)
Palacetonia v Hypocria

Casari

24-01-2006, 22:24

http://i16.photobucket.com/albums/b20/Casari/4sport.png

When you struggle on the field, why bother playing anyway?
Confeds finally top the group by simply not playing

Finally managing to show some decent form, and on the road, no less, Casari has climbed back on top of the Group 6, with a 2-0 away win in what was the best offensive effort so far for the team, and then sitting back for their bye while the remaining teams in the group beat up on each other, including a 4-1 Hiiraan Loss, to give Casari the top spot on their own.

The 2 goal win on Matchday 5 is already looking up for the Confeds, who had yet to score more than one goal in a game until travelling to underpowered side Swilatia. Hopefully, the 2-0 win will help the team's efforts at home against the team currently tied on points with Casari, Hiiraan, who was unranked coming into the competition.

"We need to exploit the last three games we have at home now and use this last win to start some good momentum on the road as well. Our group is exceptionally close, and after all the ties, only one or two wins will make the difference." Coach Hill said to the media as she was leaving the stadium offices.

Hiiraan

24-01-2006, 22:55

World Cup Reporters
Casari Next on line

Last Game
Swilatia .vs. Hiiraan
In Swilatia
Score: Swilatia 4 : Hiiraan 1

"Its Weird" said a Hiiraanese fan sitting infront of stadia di Bøsasø. "One time, we are really good, the next game we look like sissies running around the pitch being humilated by a obviously better team." some people could have disagreed with him, but with the way Hiiraan played yesterday's game, no can disagree. "We just did not show heart, we never ever took control of the game " said the only scorer for Hiiraan, Zakariya Mohamed.

Swilatia just had control of the Hiiraanese players from the start to finish. "I dont think Hiiraan should have won" said one TV analyst "because if they did, the better team that day, Swilatia would have been cheated. I think if you win, you should win like Swilatia did, and take control of the game from start to finish."

Now Hiiraan, with 2 Loses and 3 wins on its back has been dropped to a definant #2, where we play the # 1 team on the tables, Casari. "I think Casari is good, but all those Ties mean something, if we can't tie, we should just win it" said a TV newsman, gigling after the comment. "And if we lose, we should not lose by much" he added.

Casari has been known to tie a lot of games, and now they have a good apponent to win against, but in Hiiraan's Case, casari is a perfect win to upset because that will surely give them a bump in team ratings. "Who knows?" said Michael Nuur, "May be we can pull off another Tutori and get ahead with this game early." he added. Hiiraan's has obviously a better forward team, but what Hiiraan lacks in, Mid, casari excels in.

Zakariya Mohamed and Caoch Mohamed Luure both have said that Hiiraan is ready and will obviously try its best to win the game, but both have exoressed doubt in the squad. "It does not matter how we do in the training camp," the coach said late yesterday in the press conference."What matters in how we do in the game, and I am confident that the squad can perform that, to what extent they will perform? now that depends on them" he added. Zakariya Mohamed however was more obvious, saying he was not sure how good the team will perform in front of the crowds, and against the other team.

Next Game
Casari .vs. Hiiraan
Casaran National Stadium

Wentland

24-01-2006, 22:56

For the visit of Harlesburg, the Wentland FA – thankful for the narrow escape brought about by Treves’ hat-trick at Alumgreen – decided to visit Greyguilds, the home of Donington Wanderers.

The Grads were the oldest existing team in Wentland, one of the original Cup entrants from the days of old boys and university schools. Originally a team of Donington University graduates, their colours of grey and red had been adopted as a change kit by the Wentland team. They had won a couple of trophies every decade since, moving with the times and attracting support from the rambling county of Ennshire. Greyguilds was a genteel ground, apparently built by Wombles, surrounded by greenery in a natural bowl, stands noted for their delicate tracery of steelwork and Vorticist murals. But the sound would resound around and create a fervid atmosphere, despite the smallish capacity of 15,000.

But manager Edgar Bluff had been trying something different in training. Why not totally change tactics? Harlesburg had been struggling and underperforming, so he decided to go straight for the jugular from the off. By the end of the training sessions, he was confident he had his team ready to play in a sort of weird attacking 3-2-5 variant.

Edmunds in goal, of course.

Across the back Jones, Jenkins and hometown hero Corbett making his World Cup bow.

In the middle, desperately trying to hold things together, Weston and Ollis.

Up front, the Fletcher twins on either flank, ready to track back when necessary but ordered to stay further upfield as best they could. The centre-halves were to avoid midfield as much as possible and just hoof it to either wing. In the middle, as a spearhead, Martin Smith, the six foot six centre forward, would be asked either to head for goal from crosses or knock it down for long balls for Treves or Morgan to finish off.

Will James was devastated at being dropped on his home patch, but Bluff assured him he would probably get on at some point – he expected both Fletchers to run themselves into the ground for replacement by Devey and James. Unless, of course, they could be given defensive detail and there could be a switch to 5-2-3. Or 3-4-3. Or π r squared.

Bluff was past caring. He felt this was his last throw of the dice. If at half-distance Wentland remained bottom of the group, what chance him keeping his job?

Starblaydia

24-01-2006, 23:10

That's Why We're Champions!
Plus conclusive proof it was a one-off

When you can easily take a 2-0 lead against a team like New Montreal States without breaking a sweat, that is the mark of Champions. Subsequently, because of this lack of effort, you let in a pair of goals to go 2-2, this would be considered the mark of soon-to-be ex-Champions. But, Starblaydia aren't the current kings of the world for nothing, and three goals later some guy from a place you've never been to thinks its good enough for the Featured Match of the Day on C4™. Whatever that is, of course, we don't really know.

Anyway, a 5-2 smashing of the New Montreal Surrender Monkeys included a hat-trick from captain Menecrates, who becomes the very first Starblaydi to score more than one hattrick for his nation. Funny that, as Starblaydia seem to spread their goals out a lot between the side, leaving such things as hat-tricks a rarity. Raphaelo and Dash Tolkacheva - on as a substitute - scored the other two to give Starblaydia four wins from four, as well as viciously putting down a French-Canadian Revolu... comeback. We meant comeback.

So that was the good part...

Final score from Paladin Dome, NMS:
New Montreal States 2 - 5 Starblaydia
(Vaillancourt 28, Lavallé 35) - (Raphaelo 7, Menecrates 11 & 45 & 63, Tolkacheva 90)

Then onto somewhere called Keyshona, a place just ripe for a slip-up - Champion style. Taking yet another two-goal lead, this time thanks to a screamer cross-or-shot from Cherry Garcia and a tap-in from Raphaelo. Yet again, however, they let that lead slip, but this time the team seemed so bored by the whole thing that they couldnt bring themselves to score. Burn-out creeping in to some of the best players in the world?

A lot of pressure goes with playing professional football in Starblaydia, none more so since that epic day in Kaza some four years ago. Was this simply a blip, or some seeds coming home to roost - to mix a metaphor or five.

Final score from Keyshona:
Keyshona 2 - 2 Starblaydia
(56, 78) - (Garcia 24, Raphaelo 49)

96,000 people packed into Starblaydia's largest stadium saw Starblaydia's sixth match, their last before a one-match rest to allow the other teams to catch up. Starblaydia and the Allied States shared a border at one point in the not-too-distant past, over that of the territory of Legalese. With the Legalites publishing of their 'Lex Proscribitur Populus', a drive to earn back their territory from Starblaydia's protection, Starblaydia and the Allied States no longer share a border, though they do still share the Bekk.

A Bekkside Derby, then, between Starblaydia and The Lowland Clans. It wasn't the Champions that struck first though, as the Allied States' winger Kostandin blasted past an on-rushing Corominas to put Starblaydia behind. Though Dwarven Right-back Danzir Garahildim equalised when Starblaydia pushed numbers forward, the Stars just held out for all they were worth against the men in White and Purple.

Two draws in a row, then, to round off the first set of six matches for Starblaydia. After a brief rest comes the second round. Starblaydia will want to make sure of a qualifying position before their last match, as being foolish enough to gain so few points as to need to watch the Final MatchDay's games in hope would be... foolish?

Final score from Jader Barbahlo Stadium, Jhanna:
Starblaydia 1 - 1 the Lowland Clans
(Garahildim 53) - (Kostandin 26)

Tanah Burung

24-01-2006, 23:15

Though I concede I'm unclear as to whether the St. Judith in question is the old testament St. Judith, or St. Judith of Niederaltaich.

St. Judy, the patron saint of hopeless causes.

Some garbling may have occurred during the telling of this story by early missionaries.

Father Seraphim's broadcasts have beocme quite popular in Tanah Burung, where sports fans are disappointed at the apparent inability of their own media to come up with anything worth saying. Small buttons are appearing on the lapels of people across the country, bearing the timeless legend "unorthodox but good-natured." Others are praying that a tenuous connection that they don't quite understand to the dreamed realms that first introduced Tanah Burung to the world of footballing will somehow see a no-hope side (crushed by Bettia and The Ardenne in recent matches) will somehow rub off and make a no-hope team into a contender over in Group 14. Sort of a divine daisy chain of good luck: God to Alasdair to Seraphim to the ears of Burungi sports fans desperately searching for a cult to grab hold of.

The latest losses saw fans pelt their team with raw vegetables and chant "dance damn you!" Sister Idalina, relief midfielder, was savagely kneed in the groin. Someone will be flogged for this. If they're lucky.

[NS]Bazalonia

24-01-2006, 23:35

"Top Of The World Cup" was a popular satirical football programme, but many people considered they might have gone too far with one of their Trademarked Re-enactments covering the Bazalonia away game.

It started innocently enough, with jokes about the referee's name (Ring), and some whimsical japery involving a watering can, a superhero and a waxwork of Napoleon Bonaparte (scoring a goal, apparently it was meant to represent Victor Boney of Bazalonia).

However, with the score tight at 2-2, Bazalonia scored a highly controversial goal when a cross appeared to be punched in by Kantwell. Replays were somewhat ambiguous, in the way that the sea is ambiguously wet, but despite the prolonged Wentland protests Mr Ring declared the goal to stand.

In the re-enactment it went something like this:

Absalom: ...and here comes Conne with the throw-in [man in hooped jersey and mask with swag bag behind him hurls in ball]...Fletcher gets a head to it but can't clear it [Ronnie Barker look-a-like flicks it behind him]...but there's Kantwell!!!

[Man in Bazalonia jersey grabs hold of ball, runs around in circles, kicks man in Wentland shirt in goolies, takes gun out of holster and proceeds to shoot holes in an inflatable Homer Simpson in a goalkeeper's jersey before slam-dunking the ball in the net.]

Absalom: ...and the Wentland players are beseiging the referee...demanding he change his mind...but Mr Ring is still on the phone...

[Chap dressed as referee is indeed talking on the telephone, he waves away protests on the grounds that he didn't see it. Giving the goal, he says:]

Ring:...where was I? Oh yeah, two hundred guineas on Bazalonia to win 3-2.

WBC is now awaiting a claim for defamation. Hey ho.

"More controversy than you can poke a gun at?" by Nev Gould

A popular Wentland soccer show, that's mainstay is to make make mockery of various football situations by making satirical re-enactments has angered numerous BFSA Officials. What angered them was one of their re-enactments in regards to a protested goal late in the match. Not only did it ridicule the forward that scored the goal (Kantwell) but it also made allegations about match-fixing by the referee, Mr Ring. A recording of the re-enactment in question can be found on the shows website www.TotWC.co.wl "We are appalled at the accusations and insuations that 'Top of the World Cup' has made of both our players and the referee of the match. We have written to the Wentland Football association, The hosts of the show as well as the stations management demanding a full apology on air by the TotWC crew and a condemnation of them by the Wentland Football Association." So how does the referee view this? Mr Ring has refused to comment on the controversial goal and the TotWC re-enactment, but a close friend has been reported as saying they'll get their comeuppance. What this entails has yet to be decided. We are currently waiting to see with what the WFA and TotWC does with the BFSA demands.

Wentland

24-01-2006, 23:45

As the gale forces wind blew off the Ennmoors, and swirled in weird whirlpools on Greyguilds' pitch, Edgar Bluff had a final word for his team.

"CHAAAAARGE!!!!"

Alasdair I Frosticus

25-01-2006, 00:16

Others are praying that a tenuous connection that they don't quite understand to the dreamed realms that first introduced Tanah Burung to the world of footballing will somehow see a no-hope side (crushed by Bettia and The Ardenne in recent matches) will somehow rub off and make a no-hope team into a contender over in Group 14.

The Official Spokesman of His Majesty the Basileus of the Holy Empire has been asked to express His Majesty's pleasure that Tanah Burung have fond memories of the Dreamed Realm. The Official Spokesman also wishes to note that if the good people of Tanah Burung are unclear as to the relationship between the Holy Empire, the Archregimancy, and the Dreamed Realm, they might find this (http://ns.goobergunch.net/wiki/index.php/The_Dreamed_Realm) informative.

Ariddia

25-01-2006, 00:59

Ariddians “disappointed” by mediocre performance

It should have been an opportunity to snatch up three precious points, and climb up the rank chart in group 10. Instead, the Rouge-et-Noirs struggled to overcome the team from Havl, even on home ground, in the Stade National Rêvane-Sud, and with the support of an enthusiastic home crowd.

When Havl scored the opening goal, there was some concern, but still hope and confidence in abundance. When Havl scored again, however, that diminished to a trickle, and part of the stadium fell quiet in dismay. A loss on home soil to the lowest-ranked team in the group was virtually unthinkable, and brought back to mind the worst times of the previous Cup.

Finally, Faraj retaliated, on a good pass by Clément, and made it 1-2 in the thirty-second minute, to the crowd’s immense relief. Swimmer provided the equaliser eight minutes later, setting things back to square one, and hopefully wiping the slate clean so that Ariddia could go on to win.

That, alas, was not to be. The first half of the match had witnessed four goals, but the second half saw none at all, as the Rouge-et-Noirs struggled against a surprisingly good Havl side. The score remained a tie, to the surprise and disappointment of fans throughout the country.

“We made some silly mistakes,” coach Adam Seul confessed mere moments after the game. “We could have got three points here, but we didn’t, and it’s going to make the rest of the competition all the more difficult. And Havl played well, of course.”

Had Ariddia won, that would, astonishingly, have placed the team within the top three in the group. As it is, the Ariddians are fourth.

“It’s not bad. We’ll try and do even better,” Seul promised simply.

OOC: Report on the Achregimancy / Anathematic Republics match tomorrow, if I have time and I’m feeling less tired…

The Islands of Qutar

25-01-2006, 01:02

Qutar Sports News Network

Good Evening Qutar, we bring you live for our fifth qualifying game, against Language Teachers who are currently ranked equal bottom in the world but have shown great determination with their recent 2-2 draw with Liverpool England, ranked 6th in the world. It looks like the game is about to begin.

It looks like Language Teachers have won the toss, and are going to kick off first, and number 10 starts the match off, Language Teachers are starting strongly, with the number 11 moving the ball forward, Gordon comes out to close him down, but he passes back to the number 8, who pushes forward, getting past Gordon, and he sees the number 10, making a move, he drills a pass to him, but well cut out by Lemkes there, and he gets it back up to Gordon, who making a break on the counter attack, he's got Ali and Thomas ahead of him, he sees Thomas gets the past through, number 8 comes out to challenge him, but Thomas gets the past to Ali, who's clean on goal, and he slams it into the top right corner!!! 1-0 Qutar!! We're six minutes in and already Qutar are in the lead!!!

Language Teachers start the match off again, the goal doesn't seem to have shaken them, in fact they seem more determined than ever, as they kick off the number 11 is making strides through the midfield, he gets past Chris Saunders and Gordon, Lemkes is coming out to close him down, but he passes it to the number 10 who's through on goal, he shoots and oh Stone manages to tip it over the bar, its gone for a corner, I think it will be the number 8 to take the corner, yes he's going to take the corner, he swings it in, but Stone comes out and safely claims it as his own, and sends it back up the pitch, to Gordon who tries to break on the counter, but the number 8 takes back possesion for Language Teachers, and sends it back to the waiting players and Language Teachers have got Qutar outnumbered but the number 8 goes for the shot, what a save by Stone there, how did he pull that one off, well the crowd are loving his athletic display of goalkeeping, and so am I. It seems that both teams have tightened up things in the midfield and defence, with neither team getting through with any real chances on goal, and we are about forty minutes into the match, and Qutar seem to have relaxed a bit with only five minutes remaining, but its seems it might cost them as the number 8 has broken through and he's got support in the form of the number 10 and the number 11, and he sees the number 11 making a move, he passes to him, oh he's got past Kelly, he's on goal, but Stone is coming out, the number 11 chips the ball over Stone, its hit the crossbar, and its coming back out, the number 10 is running in and hits it home, oh no Language Teachers have equalised things on the stroke of half time, where was Stone's defence?

As the teams come out for the second half, we can only wonder at what Paul Dove had to say to his players letting Language Teachers equalise on the stroke of half time. The momentum will be with Language Teachers and Qutar really need to push forward and put the game beyond Language Teachers reach.

Its Qutar to start the second half off and Ali gets things started by passing to Thomas, who makes a move forward but has lost possesion to the number 9, who is making a move forward, and he has got support, he spots Lampshade in space, he moves forward and gets past Kelly, and sees the number 11 in space, passes the ball to him, and hes fires a shot in, Stone got his fingertips to it, its hit the post and goes off so a corner, its headed over the bar and goes for a goal kick, Qutar start the match off again, and Thomas starts making a move forward which Ali spots, and gives him the ball, and Thomas it slicing through their midfield, he's outside the box he about to shoot, but the number 4 lunges in with a two-footed tackle, and oh Thomas looks like he's in a lot of pain, and the Qutari players are converging on the number 4, and Chris Saunders is having hold back Ali, who really is being taunted by the number 4, and the referee has finally come over, and promptly books the number 4 for the challenge on Thomas, and cautions Ali over his reaction to the tackle. Thomas is being taken off the pitch on a stretcher, his holding his leg, and in a lot of pain at the moment. It looks like Ali's teamate from Cëre United is to replace Thomas, yes Siese is coming on the replace the injured Thomas. Now that the air has cleared from the foul, Chris Saunders will take the free kick from just outside the box, he drills it in, but oh its hit the crossbar, but its come back out and Siese latches on to in, but its deflected off a defender for a corner. It will be Tomlin to take the corner, he gets it in and onto the head of Siese, but oh just over the bar for a goal kick. Its about twenty minutes into the second half and the momentum is definately on Qutar's side its just a matter of time till they score the equaliser, and its Parker on the ball at the moment, he's running down the right flank dancing past the number 6, and he puts on a burst of pace and gets past the number 9, and he gets a cross into Ali who's waiting in the box, he puts a brilliant header down to the bottom left corner of the goal, and oh its hit the post! Oh and off for a goal kick! Language Teachers start the match off again , and they have lost possesion allready, Gordon taking possesion of the ball, and spotting Tomlin making a run down the left wing, he gets it into Siese, who heads it, but only so far as Jim Johnson's hands. He launches the ball into Qutar's half in a deperate bid to move his players forward, but it only goes so far as Chris Saunders, who immediatly moves forward, and the Qutari midfield are surgeing forward, stringing pass after pass, Chris Saunders to Gordon, Gordon to Parker, Parker to Tomlin, Tomlin to Ali, and Ali shoots its a goal!!! Qutar are in the lead 2-1!!, the crowd has gone wild, and oh not again! The goal has been disallowed for Ali being in an offside position. Lets look at the replay when he makes his run, oh he's is fractionally offside and I can only barely make out he is on the slowed down replay, how on earth did the lineman know, he should have given the benefit of the doubt, and thats certainly what the Qutari fans think. We're nearing the end of play, and it seems that Language Teachers are trying to hold out, but I don't see Qutar allowing that, and they're making another move forward and we're in the last couple of minutes, and Siese has got the ball see's Ali making a run, he gives it to Ali, he gets past the number 8, now he's past the number 3, he got the number 2, and the number 4 coming in for the tackle, but he skips over the tackle, he one on one with the goalkeeper, he hits the ball and oh its just wide, and the referee blows his whistle for full time. So close but Language Teachers have held on for a draw.

The Islands of Qutar 1 (1)-(1) 1 Language Teachers
Ali, 6 Number 10, 45

Yellow Cards: Number 4

Schiavonia

25-01-2006, 02:22

The Schiavone Scribe
HALF WAY THERE
Kudlastan 1-2 Schiavonia

Another game, another win! Is there no end to the surprise that the Sloths seem to be bring to this World Cup qualifying campaign?

For a team ranked 139th in the world to even be challenging for a top two position at half way is pretty damn unbelievable. To be in second, four points clear of third place is probably a halucination.

For today's game, Craig McAndrew replaced the suspended Filipo Schiavone. Within three minutes, McAndrew justified his place in the side with a well taken goal after Kenny Sanderson found space on the left to get a cross in.

From then on, it was pretty much backs to the walls, with Ben Kershaw finally justifying a place with a string of outstanding saves from the Kudla forwards. And midfielders. And even defenders.

The longer the game went on, the more Kudlastan pushed on, and the more Schiavonia resisted. Half time came, half time went, still the home side couldn't find a way through.

Then the most unexpected thing happened. Tony Tarmey managed to latch onto a clearance, flick it past the only Kudla defender back, stormed in an goal and popped it past the keeper! Despite only having less than a quarter of the posession, Schiavonia were 2-0 up away to a higher ranked team!

By this point, there were only around ten minutes to go. Now everything was forward for Kudlastan, while Schiavonia turned to karela. Eventually the ball ended up in the back of the net, as the sheer number of defenders just got in each other's way and the ball bounced in past Kershaw when Andy Payne's attempted clearance hit Gareth Marsden and went in.

The sloths held on, still, and recorded their fourth win in seven games. Do the same again, and they could well find themselves on a plane to Commerce Heights or Oliverry come the World Cup 26 finals.

It's not as simple as that, though.

Rodney Lowe isn't getting ahead of himself. "We still have to travel to Rejistania, Cuation and the two lower ranked teams, while Kaze Progressa must surely improve. Please don't be surprised if you see us tumbling down the tables sometime soon."

OK. But surely we can enjoy it while it lasts?

Ratings
Schiavonia: KERSHAW 9; O'Kane 7, Park 8, Marsden 7, Smith 8; Sanderson 7, Jones 8, Weir 7; Topp 6 (Kerry [65 min] 6), McAndrew 7 (Jenkins [80 min] 7), Tarmey 8 (Payne [80 min] 6).

Final score
Kudlastan 1 (Marsden o.g. 89)
Schiavonia 2 (McAndrew 3, Tarmey 80)

Group 4 Pl W D L F A Pts GD
1. Rejistania 6 6 0 0 10 1 18 +9
2. Schiavonia 6 4 1 1 15 10 13 +5
3. Kudlastan 6 3 0 3 4 5 9 -1
4. Cuation 6 2 2 2 9 6 8 +3
5. Pyrologists911 6 1 1 4 4 9 4 -5
6. Kaze Progressa 6 1 1 4 8 14 4 -6
7. Alexandrian Ptolemais 6 0 3 3 2 7 3 -5

Nanakaland

25-01-2006, 02:42

Nanakaland Times
Bazalonian Surprise!
Despite Laksu Kynsu's best efforts at aiming for the golden 1-0, the Nanakaland Nanakabirds beat Bazalonia in a 4-0 game. Not surprisingly, Kynsu was very upset at the Nanakabirds "loss" because of their takil score. However, the story behind the match is actually quite interesting.

In the fifteenth minute, Anthony Johnson had a chance to score, but Jeffery Constantine of the Bazalopes did a magnificant block. Of course, the Nanakabirds kept possession for most of the match and, in the 44th minute, Johnson made a lucky shot that brought the score to 1-0.

During half time, Laksu Kynsu gave Tony specific orders to not score unless the Bazalonians scored. Kynsu wanted the Nanakabirds to win by as little as possible, preferrably at most 1-0. Of course, the Bazalonians found out and decided to thwart these plans.

In the 55th, 63rd, and 78th minutes, Viktor Czapp made spectacular saves, keeping the score at 1-0. Realizing that it was probably too late to try to take the lead, the Bazalonians wanted to beat the Nanakabirds another way.

In the 84th, 87th, and 89th minutes, the Bazalopes scored three own goals. This made the score 4-0 and thus the Nanakans had a horrible day. Laksu Kynsu was very enraged that the Nanakabirds allowed the score to go up to 4-0. "This is not karelan to let them do such a thing!" shouted the angry coach.

In related news, the Nanakaland Nanakabirds retook 1st place in Region 9 and got a bronze in the "TechConGroup’s Built for Speed™ Teams" (most points) award. It is the best World Cup the Nanakaland Nanakabirds have ever had, though Kynsu would disagree.

Region 9 Pts W D L GF:GA GD
1. Nanakaland 15 5 0 1 14:4 10
2. Squornshelous 13 4 1 1 15:4 11
3. Collonie 10 3 1 2 12:11 1
4. Wentland 7 2 1 3 11:15 -4
5. Nedalia 6 2 0 4 6:9 -3
6. Harlesburg 6 2 0 4 6:12 -6
7. Bazalonia 4 1 1 4 8:17 -9

[NS]Bazalonia

25-01-2006, 03:03

In the Bazalonian Change room AFTER the match...

"THREE OWN GOASL?! What's going on?" bellowed Malcolm Frost the Assistant Coach.

"Well we thought Coach...."

"You thought that'd you'd take us down and make us loose 4-0?"

"Um.. Yeah..."

"Well, tell me how in that crazed brain of yours that 4-nil would be a good scoreline?"

"Well..., Sir We had heard... well listened to the air vent... that the opposing coach instructed his players not to try and score unless we scored... When our strikes failed and wit just a few minutes left we'd thought we would give them goals so that their coach would be mad."

"I don't care about the other coach.... I would have much rather had a happy opposing coach and only loosing by one than habe an unhappy opposing coach and loosing by 4."

"As a result... We are going to have intensive training sessions for the next 2 weeks..."

"But Coach..."

"But nothing, I've talked with the other coaches and we all agree... 2 weeks of intensive training. And I'm going to get the stadium people to deal with those vents so no eaves droppings occur."

[NS]Bazalonia

25-01-2006, 03:26

"Bazalopes serve the Nankabirds their own heads" by Nev Gould

In the last 6 minutes of the World Cup Qualifier with the Bazalonian Bazalopes home at TeleBaz Stadium against the Nankaland Nankabirds, it seemed that the Bazalopes purposely self-impoded. Scoring three own goals. The whole time Caine Hawdon, Malcolm Frost and Jayne Heart yelling at the team and pulling their hair out. In an interview after the match Caine Hawdon said this "I don't know why they scored the own goals, maybe they got confused. But all IU knw is that we will be having 2 weeks of intensive training in preperation for the next match with the Nedalia Lions." I for one am sceptical, to me it looked like the Bazalopes where taunting the opposition and purposefully scoring the own goals ignoring instructions from the coaches. To me it seems there is a player-based revolt against the coaching team.. that or have become blind. James Gaines from the BFSA has refused to comment on this until he has had a chance to determine what exactly went on and why the coaches are having the players do 2 weeks intensive training. An un-named source in the BFSA has said though "It does sound like punishment to me." This reporter will not stop until the truth is revealed about the Bazalopes performance this match.

Alasdair I Frosticus

25-01-2006, 03:41

OOC: D'oh - have just realised I'd forgotten which nation I was logged on as. Though it's no doubt obvious, please count this as an Archregimancy RP as Alasdair I Frosticus isn't even in WC26.

THE ARCHREGIMANCY BRINGS YOU

WORLD CUP TONIGHT

With Fr. Nicholas the Scribe and Fr. John the Golden-Throated

"So... Fr. John... aren't those nice people in Tanah Burung lovely?"

"Yes, Fr. Nicholas - who knew that Fr. Seraphim would find an audience outside the Archregimancy, though even our leading free-thinking theologian would probably prefer the good people of Tanah Burung to be _Orthodox_ and good-natured."

"Still - it's a start"

"That it is. Many people over in the Holy Empire remember Tanah Burung quite fondly, I understand"

"Anyway... what about last night's match? At home against the Catholics of Cataduanes.... Bet they were given a warm welcome!"

"That they were, Fr. Nicholas... You should have seen the banners - the very peak of monastic wit! My favourites were:

Why should we trust you lot after the 4th Crusade?

"Mild discomfort to all Uniates!"

Double procession of the Holy Spirit, my arse

And the always popular

The Pope of Rome is the secret leader of atheistic Freemasons

I couldn't stop laughing!"

"Side-splitting stuff, Fr. John - but what about the match?"

"Well, I'll give the Catholics this much, they didn't just roll over and play dead... this match wasn't quite as one-sided as the defeat they tried to deal us at the Council of Florence. The Catholics were even reasonably respectful during the pre-match liturgy."

Our lads took an early lead in the 14th minute through a rare - and freak - goal from Fr. Michael the New Hermit. The left back made a rare foray forward on a Fr. Silouan free kick in order to disturb the wall, Fr. Silouan's shot cannoned off the cross-bar, hit the oblivious Fr. Michael on the shoulder, and then gently bounced past the stranded Mumbalo. A bit mundane to term a miracle, that - sometimes even monks just get lucky.

But Cataduanes didn't just take it lying down, and in the 35th minute, the veteran Balumaman - a shock surprise to start ahead of Gaurin, who was rumoured to have had an allergic reaction to the incense used in the pre-match liturgy - equalised with what even I'm forced to concede was a sublime long-range free-kick that left Fr. Justinian stranded.

The second half was much of the same - the Archregimancy were clearly the better team, but Cataduanes certainly had their chances. This near miss from Fr. Basil the Faster was mirrored by Alomar hitting the post off this spectacular bicycle kick.

But in the 67th minute, just reward for honest toiling in the vineyard of the Lord came our way when Fr. Basil went past Alomar - who seems to be lacking in pace for all his skill - unleashed this shot, which was saved by Mumbalo, only for Fr. Seraphim to beat Tumitobo to the rebound and score the winning goal. 2-1 to the Archregimancy, God be praised."

"And where does that leave us at the half-way mark, Fr. John?"

"Well, Fr. Nicholas, incredibly it leaves the group 11 table looking like:

Region 11 Pts W D L GF:GA GD
1. The Archregimancy 12 3 3 0 10:7 3
2. Bedistan 11 3 2 1 14:7 7
3. Anathematic Republics 8 2 2 2 2:2 0
4. Oglethorpia 8 2 2 2 5:6 -1 (head-to-head)
5. United Island Empires 8 2 2 2 9:10 -1 (head-to-head)
6. Cataduanes 7 2 1 3 9:10 -1
7. PopularFreedom 2 0 2 4 6:13 -7

So at the half-way stage, we're top of the table, four points clear of third, the only undefeated team in the group and - most unbelievably of all - ahead of Bedistan."

"Quite remarkable - though no doubt you'll next warn us against the false sin of pride..."

"Absolutely, Fr. Nicholas. Let's not get ahead of ourselves. We still have two difficult matches against Oglethorpia and Bedistan - though we've played the difficult away legs - and if this World Cup is proving anything, it's that any of the lesser teams can provide an upset."

The Kazoo Peoples

25-01-2006, 03:49

After 10,492 calls to the Kazoo City Courier complaining about the lack of a Matchday 6 article, we are forced to explain what happened yesterday. The actual event really wasn't too exciting, and is too graphic to elaborate on. Let's just say one of our beat reporters took a beating -- he ended up with a black eye, a broken nose, two split kneecaps, and nine broken ribs. And, before you ask, we didn't take bets on how far he could jump off of our three-story building into the street below.... *begins whistling random tune innocently* So we spent most of yesterday in the hospital or we were hung over. Yes, alcohol was involved.

Gloria Firecracker had this to say: "This is why alcohol is dangerous and should be banned from our great nation. Our nation is being poisoned by these scumbags. PROHIBITION IS NEEDED, NOW!"

Local drunk Nuck Chorris had this to say: "Ban beer? But my friend liveessss by drinkinng alcohol, and heee'ssss onnnne offfff the...," and he proceeded to collapse in a heap.

---
Rolatia draws Kazoos, as Kazoos slip into fifth place

"We though Rolatia was a push-over," said Coach Manni Aka after a disappointing match today, as they drew Rolatia 2-2. "We were even lucky to come away with a draw, being down two at the half, and all."

After star goalkeeper Jim Johnson was not playing due to a case of explosive diarrhea, Coach Manni Aka had to play first backup Ham Mertime at goalkeeper. Ham Mertime allowed goals at minute 17 and minute 27, and with no offensive response (multiple attacks on the goal by the Kazoos were stunningly defended by Rolatia goalie David Ramar), the Kazoos were down 2-0 at the half.

"Our team morale at halftime had never been that low," said midfielder Perknowleski.

An inspiring speech by Coach Manni Aka at halftime, however, gave the Kazoos hope, as they scored two goals, nearly back-to-back immediately after the return from the half.

Chadd Johnson scored the first goal unassisted after Ham Mertime got the ball waaaay downfield, as Johnson spun around one, no, two defenders, and then broke toward the goal, scoring at minute 53. Rolatia still led 2-1.

After the game restarting, Johnson stole the ball during a pass from Elliot Dunkel intended for Jason Saloir. He passed it to Jonny Lampshade, who advanced up the field and passed it back to Johnson, who promptly put it into the goal, Lampshade getting the assist, and knotting the score at 2. The goal was said to have been at the 59-minute mark.

The return of Johnson as goalkeeper at minute 63 halted all further attacks from Rolatia, but it was noticed that David Ramar did the same on all Kazoo attacks. The game ended without much fanfare, and the final tally stood at 2-2, a draw.

"It was a learning experience. We should have taken more time to practice, like 12 hours, instead of the meager 7 hours we took to practice for this match," said Chadd Johnson after the match.

Coach Manni Aka said, "I like the comeback win. It shows that we have potential." When asked how long the practice would be tomorrow, Aka chuckled and said, "15 hours."

Jim Johnson apologized to the team for having diarrhea, but the team universally said that they didn't care too much about why Johnson was missing.

"I'm just glad he's all right," said brother Rudy Johnson. "It sounded pretty bad. I mean, EXPLOSIVE diarrhea? That's sick, dude."

Jim blamed his diarrhea on the local chain of fast food restaurants "Back In The Jox." Authorities are investigating.

---
A 3-0 win over Swilatia propels Kazoos into second place at halfway point

In their first away match since Matchday 1 (where the Kazoos lost to Turori 1-0), the Kazoos showed dominance as they whomped Swilatia 3-0.

Jim Johnson had appeared to have recovered from his explosive diarrhea incident of Matchday 6 (see above), stopping all 8 shots that were on target.

"Yeah, I got over it this morning. I did real well today," he said after the game.

The Kazoos showed dominance early, going up 1-0 in the first 15 minutes (Chadd Johnson to Lampshade to the goal, minute 14), soaring to 2-0 in the first 30 minutes (Rudy Johnson to Chadd Johnson to Lampshade to Chadd Johnson to the goal, minute 28), and declaring their superior advantage by going up 3-0 just before the half (Jim Johnson cleared the ball out of the penalty box and Kevlar Shafur stopped it, gave it up to Perknowleski, who shot it in for the goal, minute 42).

After scoring three goals in just over 40 minutes, Coach Manni Aka decided to let his forwards rest, sitting them out for the second half while Jezze Stingwray and Fie Calmater added to their resumè that they have played in the World Cup. He also sat midfielder Mike Sweeny so that he could rest his aging knees, and save them for future matches. The young Bob Untitled took his spot during the second half.

"We really dominated through the first half, and I think it scared the crap out of them," Coach Manni Aka said after the match. Jim Johnson shot him a look, and Aka hastily added, "No pun intended."

"Our fifteen hours of practice really paid off, I guess," said Kevlar Shafur, who was credited with an assist today.

The loss by Hiiraan and the Kazoo win puts the Kazoos at 2-3-1 (9 points), and in second place, by the Goal Difference tiebreak (Kazoos +4 to Hiiraanese -2). The Kazoos are down by 3 points for first, but are only edging out Hiiraan in a tiebreak. Turori and Yafor 2 are close behind, but with Hiiraan on bye on Matchday 8, the Kazoos have an opportunity to make up a whole lot of group with a win over the struggling Turori.

Region 6 Pts W D L GF:GA GD
1. Casari 12 3 3 0 11:6 5
2. The Kazoo Peoples 9 2 3 1 10:6 4
3. Hiiraan 9 3 0 3 14:16 -2
4. Turori 7 1 4 1 11:10 1
5. Yafor 2 7 1 4 1 7:7 0
6. Swilatia 6 1 3 2 9:10 -1
7. Rolatia 3 0 3 3 3:10 -7

Qualifying Schedule (UPDATED THROUGH MD7)

Matchday 1:

HOME AWAY
Turori 4:0 Rolatia
Casari 1:0 The Kazoo Peoples
Yafor 2 2:1 Swilatia

Hiiraan does not play

Matchday 2:

HOME AWAY
The Kazoo Peoples 1:1 Turori
Swilatia 1:1 Casari
Hiiraan 1:0 Rolatia

Yafor 2 does not play

Matchday 3:

HOME AWAY
Turori 3:3 Swilatia
Casari 1:1 Yafor 2
The Kazoo Peoples 3:1 Hiiraan

Rolatia does not play

Matchday 4:

HOME AWAY
Casari 1:1 Turori
Hiiraan 3:2 Yafor 2
Rolatia 0:0 Swilatia

The Kazoo Peoples does not play

Matchday 5:

HOME AWAY
Hiiraan 5:2 Turori
Rolatia 0:2 Casari
The Kazoo Peoples 1:1 Yafor 2

Swilatia does not play

Matchday 6:

HOME AWAY
Turori 0:0 Yafor 2
Swilatia 4:1 Hiiraan
The Kazoo Peoples 2:2 Rolatia

Casari does not play

Matchday 7:

HOME AWAY
Casari 5:3 Hiiraan
Yafor 2 1:1 Rolatia
Swilatia 0:3 The Kazoo Peoples

Turori does not play

Matchday 8:

AWAY HOME
Turori v Rolatia
Casari v The Kazoo Peoples
Yafor 2 v Swilatia

Hiiraan does not play

Matchday 9:

AWAY HOME
The Kazoo Peoples v Turori
Swilatia v Casari
Hiiraan v Rolatia

Yafor 2 does not play

Matchday 10:

AWAY HOME
Turori v Swilatia
Casari v Yafor 2
The Kazoo Peoples v Hiiraan

Rolatia does not play

Matchday 11:

AWAY HOME
Casari v Turori
Hiiraan v Yafor 2
Rolatia v Swilatia

The Kazoo Peoples do not play a World Cup 26 game today,
but they have a friendly:
Schiavonia at Kazoo Peoples, Kazoo City Kola Stadium

Matchday 12:

AWAY HOME
Hiiraan v Turori
Rolatia v Casari
The Kazoo Peoples v Yafor 2

Swilatia does not play

Matchday 13:

AWAY HOME
Turori v Yafor 2
Swilatia v Hiiraan
The Kazoo Peoples v Rolatia

Casari does not play

Matchday 14:

AWAY HOME
Casari v Hiiraan
Yafor 2 v Rolatia
Swilatia v The Kazoo Peoples

Turori does not play

Kazoos progress in WC26

MD1: loss to Casari 1-0, away
MD2: draw with Turori 1-1, home
MD3: win over Hiiraan 3-1, home
MD4: OFF
MD5: draw with Yafor 2 1-1, home
MD6: draw with Rolatia 2-2, home
MD7: win over Swilatia 3-0, away
---
MD8: Casari, home
MD9: Turori, away
MD10: Hiiraan, away
MD11: Friendly: Schiavonia, home
MD12: Yafor 2, away
MD13: Rolatia, away
MD14: Swilatia, home

Nanakaland

25-01-2006, 04:04

Nanakaland Times
The First Annual "Half-Way Through Qualification" Recap For Region 9
The Nanakaland Nanakabirds entered World Cup 26 with a lot of the old team replaced. Laksu Kynsu was confident that now the Nanakabirds were ready to be the great karelan team. They were placed with Squornshelous, Collonie, Wentland, Nedalia, Harlesburg, and Bazalonia. Despite a good deal of the teams being ranked better and losing to Rejistania in a pre-WC friendly, the Nanakabirds had confidence in their WC26 team against the takils in region 9.

Match Day 1: Harlesburg 1 Nanakaland 3

It was a big surprise to both the Nanakans and Kynsu. For one, it was a great victory. Very rarely had the Nanakabirds ever won any matches. It reinforced the idea that the new and improved team was actually an improvement of the old. The old goalie who had been goalie in the previous two World Cups for Nanakaland had retired, but his youngest brother proved to be a phenominal goalie. However, Kynsu was mad at the Nanakabirds for scoring so much and conceding a goal. Nanakaland started the qualifications in second for their region.

Region 9 - Match Day 1 Pts W D L GF:GA GD
1. Squornshelous 3 1 0 0 5:0 5
2. Nanakaland 3 1 0 0 3:1 2
3. Nedalia 3 1 0 0 3:2 1
4. Collonie 0 0 0 0 0:0 0
5. Bazalonia 0 0 0 1 2:3 -1
6. Harlesburg 0 0 0 1 1:3 -2
7. Wentland 0 0 0 1 0:5 -5

Match Day 2: Nanakaland 2 Nedalia 1

Again the Nanakabirds won, again they conceded. Laksu Kynsu was enraged at the takil score of 2-1. He ordered mass quantities of va'karela in from Rejistania and doubled the training intensity. There was still a chance for a great karelan team from Nanakaland. Despite Kynsu's attitude, this match put Nanakaland in first. Being in first was a Nanakan first.

Region 9 - Match Day 2 Pts W D L GF:GA GD
1. Nanakaland 6 2 0 0 5:2 3
2. Squornshelous 4 1 1 0 6:1 5
3. Nedalia 3 1 0 1 4:4 0
4. Collonie 1 0 1 0 3:3 0
5. Bazalonia 1 0 1 1 3:4 -1
6. Wentland 1 0 1 1 3:8 -5
7. Harlesburg 0 0 0 1 1:3 -2

Match Day 3: Squornshelous 2 Nanakaland 1

It was the first loss of the Nanakabirds for this World Cup's qualification round. However, it was expected. In fact, it was a miracle Nanakaland managed to score a goal. Some criticized Kynsu's intense karelan training for the loss, but in reality Squornshelous was probably just better. Of course, it will be a different story next time the two teams face off. Nanakaland dropped to second, but still had a chance of qualification at this point.

Region 9 - Match Day 3 Pts W D L GF:GA GD
1. Squornshelous 7 2 1 0 8:2 6
2. Nanakaland 6 2 0 1 6:4 2
3. Collonie 4 1 1 0 8:4 4
4. Nedalia 3 1 0 2 4:5 -1
Harlesburg 3 1 0 1 2:3 -1
6. Wentland 1 0 1 1 3:8 -5
Bazalonia 1 0 1 2 4:9 -5

Match Day 4: Wentland 0 Nanakaland 2

Wentland was more talk than skill, as the Nanakbirds found out on MD 4. This easy 2-0 win catapulted the Nanakaland team back to first place. Things were looking good for the Nanakabirds and they still are. The Nanakans are constantly improving, thanks to Laksu Kynsu. It may be that the Nanakabirds will qualify. All they need to do is keep up more matches like in this match day. Of course, Kynsu was still mad that it was 2-0 and not 1-0.

Region 9 - Match Day 4 Pts W D L GF:GA GD
1. Nanakaland 9 3 0 1 8:4 4
2. Squornshelous 7 2 1 1 8:3 5
Collonie 7 2 1 0 10:5 5
4. Nedalia 6 2 0 2 5:5 0
5. Harlesburg 3 1 0 2 3:5 -2
6. Bazalonia 1 0 1 2 4:9 -5
7. Wentland 1 0 1 2 3:10 -7

Match Day 5: DAY OFF

Kynsu was sure to come up with a new method. "We are good enough to beat this takil system and qualify," he told his team. "However, we cannot continue to make a mockery of karela. We can't win by 2-0 or more, we can't concede. We must aim for 1-0. While 0-0 would be best, the only way we can beat the takil system is to beat them at their own game. Our defenses are superior, we just need to score at least once each game from now on to win." The Nanakabirds fell to second on their day off but that was expected because they did not play as many games as Squornshelous.

Region 9 - Match Day 5 Pts W D L GF:GA GD
1. Squornshelous 10 3 1 1 12:4 8
2. Nanakaland 9 3 0 1 8:4 4
3. Collonie 7 2 1 1 11:9 2
4. Harlesburg 6 2 0 2 5:6 -1
5. Nedalia 6 2 0 3 6:8 -2
6. Wentland 4 1 1 2 6:11 -5
7. Bazalonia 1 0 1 3 5:11 -6

Match Day 6: Nanakaland 2 Collonie 0

After another 2-0 win, Kynsu increased training intensity. "The only way you can get out of this," he explained, "Is to win by 1-0 next match. It is horrible to win by 2-0. We are to beat the takils, not be takils!" Anthony Johnson in particular was given double rations of va'karela.

Region 9 - Match Day 6 Pts W D L GF:GA GD
1. Squornshelous 13 4 1 1 15:4 11
2. Nanakaland 12 4 0 1 10:4 6
3. Collonie 7 2 1 2 11:11 0
4. Nedalia 6 2 0 3 6:8 -2
5. Harlesburg 6 2 0 3 5:9 -4
6. Bazalonia 4 1 1 3 8:13 -5
7. Wentland 4 1 1 3 8:14 -6

Match Day 7: Nanakaland 4 Bazalonia 0

The Nanakabirds were following Kynsu's advice of winning only by 1-0. However, the Bazalonian team, not being able to score, got their revenge by scoring three own goals. The final result, a 4-0 Nanakan win, did not please Kynsu. Of course, it did bring the Nanakabirds back to 1st.

Region 9 - Match Day 7 Pts W D L GF:GA GD
1. Nanakaland 15 5 0 1 14:4 10
2. Squornshelous 13 4 1 1 15:4 11
3. Collonie 10 3 1 2 12:11 1
4. Wentland 7 2 1 3 11:15 -4
5. Nedalia 6 2 0 4 6:9 -3
6. Harlesburg 6 2 0 4 6:12 -6
7. Bazalonia 4 1 1 4 8:17 -9

Always going between first and second, it is very likely that if the Nanakabirds keep up their good work they will qualify. Only time will tell if they can do well after qualifications, however...

Milchama

25-01-2006, 05:24

OOC: This has been annoying me its MilchamIan not Milchaman Tadjikistan. Also Patrice Thibault was fired after the first game so Jaime Smith is the only coach now. Damn that feels bitchy.

Chi Sun-Times-Tribune-Domestic-International-Star-News-Today

Sports Section

Milchama rebounds in style

The Milchama Warriors rebounded in style from their lost against Tadjikistan today. The Warriors came out inspired and fired up and beat down the Racers of Race City 3-1. Coach Jaime Smith said, "You always want to rebound after a big loss like that and I think we did it perfectly. We came out firing on all cylinders and showed them real soccer. I think this could be our 'turn the corner' match." Smith then went onto note that Milchama traditionally did better during the second half of qualifying than the first half and said, "We're only 3 points off the pace. If we can get the results we should be getting on paper. Get a nice win against Jeruselem, maybe even a draw against the Tadjiks and you never know." He also talked about the accusations he made against the refs, "Today and yesterday against Tadjikistan they seemed more impartial if not actually partial toward the Milchamians. I think our complaints worked and I fully expect to beat Rordia." Onto the Match Report:

The Warriors came out determined to shine in Port James. The local fans were excited and worried about seeing another Milchamian loss. Those doubts were quickly disspelled however when only 2 minutes in when Spot Nielson made a great solo run thru the Racer defense before taking a lazer like shot into the bottom left corner to give the Milchamians the early lead. The Warriors then kept up the pressure as only 5 minutes in the lead was almost doubled on a corner kick when Mills Thompson rose above the defense and almost scored but his header hit the crossbar. The Racer defense then managed to clear the threat. This was only the beginning of what became a Milchamian siege of the Racer net. Soon the Warriors were using what was basically a 3-1-6 formation with the wings becoming strikers to keep up the added pressure. This added pressure did more harm than good though as a long pass from a central defender found #13 almost alone against the Milchamian defense. #13 showed why he was a world class striker though putting a lob pass past the defence and onto the feet of Striker B whose shot went over a charging Clay Finton and into the net to tie the score at 1. The deadlock was almost broken before halftime ended when Floren tried to score from 42 yards out. The Racers keeper not expecting the shot barely parried it away. The ensuing corner almost gave another goal but again the keeper was up to the task of saving the header by Marc J. Floren. The halftime score had the Milchamians tied with Race City at 1-1.

Second Half Report:
The Racers seemed to come from the locker room inspired and had some good attacks with some decent chances. Unfortunately for the Racers Clay Finton and the defense was more than up to the challenge. The lack of a goal seemed to dishearten the Racers and the Warriors took up the lack of midfield presence and started to again put the pressure on. The pressure turned into goals very soon as Antoine Sanchez found J.J. Faren who took a crazy shot from 20 yards out and on the side of the box. The keeper saved the shot but gave up a corner. The corner kick turned to gold for the Milchamians when Marc J. Floren headed in the cross from 7 yards out to give the Warriors, the deserved, 2-1 lead. The Warriors then almost made it 3-1 when Antoine Sanchez's shot beat the keeper but not the post 3 minutes later. Sanchez would not be denied a goal though, in the 83rd minute Sanchez got the ball at midfield. He passed it forward to Darian Flinters who passes back to Sanchez. Sanchez then took a CRAZY shot up into the upper right hand corner of the net. The keeper just froze as the shot curled in to make it 3-1 Milchama. After that goal nothing much of importance happened.
Final Score:
Milchama 3 (Nielson 2, Floren 64, Sanchez 83)
Race City 1 (B 22)

PopularFreedom

25-01-2006, 05:42

OOC: Look I know that every team is suppose to just accept the fact that their team won or lost etc but this is BS. This is my 3rd WC plus I have been in other tourneys and still my team is supposedly s***. We are suppose to accept the fact that the teams that have been in NS and therefore in the WC since the start are gods and therefore always win, fine I did that even though that is a crock. Would be nice to win a couple of games here and there instead of ties and losses. I know, someone has to lose and someone has to win, but this is absolutely crap. Can you make the system a bit fairer please in the future cause it gets to a point where one has to wonder why do I waste my time.

I have a system where individuals can input #s or rock/paper/scissors and therefore have at least somewhat of a chance of being able to win a game based on their input, not on some scoreinator which gets no input and just makes someone team good or bad with no real input from the user. Those who have used my system have noted its benefits.

Again sorry if I ruin anyone's RPing cause of this post but it is a little frustrating when unlike real life or a game, I cant do a thing about it except talk about how my team sucked again.

PS: For anyone who rips me for this post I honestly do not care about your opinion since if you were in a similar situation you would likewise have said screw this a while ago.

PPS: Pull my team from the competition, might as well. You can RP that my nation pulled out cause we were ticked with the referreeing whatever. I am going to RP it as such anyhow in one of my papers soon (probably the PopularFreedom Ticker (http://www.geocities.com/PopularFreedomTicker/)) in case anyone wants an interesting read.

New Manhattan

25-01-2006, 06:12

Andossa Se Mitrin Vega

25-01-2006, 08:59

Sea Dragons Win 2nd Consecutive Match

Group 3
Spruitland 1 Very Angry Rabbits 2
Lethislavania 3 Dehny 3
Andossa Se Mitrin Vega 3 Errinundera 1

This is Kellan Kildan of the ASMV Football News Network

After winning their first match and earning their first points of WC26 against Very Angry Rabbits, ASMV followed up with another great performance against Errinundrea, coming away with a 3-1 victory.

The Banta-N'bai brothers and keeper Shaun Conarky turned away all but one of the 14 shots on goal from the opposing squad. "We allow many shot that should have not been but got job done" said the older brother Unami after the match.

Great forward play saw goals from Porche Alexander(28), Evan Evans(33) and Pablo Iglesias(78). Will this good scoring continue. We will have to wait and see.

Group 3 round up thus far

TnUI is running away with Group 3 as expexted with a perfect 18 points.

Denhy reamins the surprise perhaps of the tourney in 2nd with 11 points

Spruitland finds theirselves slipped back into 3rd with 9 points

ASMV is currently 4th in a tight grouping with Errinundrea and Lethislavania.

All signs point to TnUI obliterating the group and the only question is can anyone steal some points. Denhy should drop some points as they have played well above expectations. That would open the door for Spruitland to claim the coveted second spot in the group.

But this is just speculation. Our Sea Dragons, Errinundrea, or Lethislavania all have legitimate shots at moving up to qualify. That, of course, would require the expected Denhy implosion and Spruitland not picking up their play.

This has been Kellan Kildan of the ASMV Football News Network

Squornshelous

25-01-2006, 11:29

Squornshelous Second after Six

Pschychoes will have to improve to win the group
With an unexpected loss to Nedalia and a very disappointing draw against Bazalonia, Squornshelous finds themselves with a record of 4-1-1, not good enough for first in Group 9, which goes to Nanakaland, who managed to win every one of their matches, except when the Nanakabirds met the Pschychoes. Squornshelous will have to toughen up, and play better football in order to qualify stress free. The Pschychoes will have to play mistake free if they don't want to fight of other teams for a spot in the finals. It would, of course, be horribly embarasing for the Pschychoes, who have ahieved their highest ever world ranking at 4th following last cup's third place performance, to not qualify, something that has happened only once in our history.

Giant Zucchini

25-01-2006, 13:35

Another Own Goal!
Episode 5: The Laredo Clean Sheet Magic

Oh, you get the drift…
“…and the Zucchinis are on course for their second consecutive clean sheet with Laredo in goal, but most importantly they are ahead and looking to get all the points today. What has caught the eye is the interplay between Brugghen and Chekhov at the back, Brugghen cleaning up brilliantly and laying it to Chekhov to spray the passes around the field. And now here is Glinka on the left, he already scored in the first half, what can he accomplish here? Oh, and he jinks the defender and he’s running infield, he’s humiliating the defence again with his magical touches and the keeper comes out, he doesn’t want a repeat of the earlier goal where he was caught ball watching, and the keeper comes out to claim it but oh! That’s a brilliant touch, he’s just flicked it over the keeper and here comes Poulsen, he can’t miss from that position with the goal at his mercy, 2-0! The stadium goes wild and rightly so, the Zucchinis have hammered the final nail in Amorah’s coffin today and it’s the Zucchinis who emerge victorious…”

To be continued…

Giant Zucchini’s Department of Number Crunching and Data Spewing presents:

Match stats:

Giant Zucchini - 0

Dance 2 Revolution - 0

Giant Zucchini - 2
Glinka (34), Poulsen (89)

Amorah - 0

Giant Zucchini stats:

Top Goalscorers:
Johann Rilke – 4
Absamat Chekhov – 2
Armand Boyer – 1
Mikhail Glinka – 1
Gottlieb Poulsen - 1

Yellow Cards:
Dino Nuvolari – 1
Domingo Ferrero – 1
Armand Boyer – 1
Gottlieb Poulsen – 1

Red Cards:
Mikhail Glinka – 1

Jeruselem

25-01-2006, 14:26

Jeruselem Government News

No McPsychosis for Jeruselem

World Cup 26, Match day 7. Half way stage! A marker for what's going to happen in 7 games.

Tadjikistan had the bye but are still number one.

McPsychoville played Jeruselem today. McPsychoville aren't bad team but couldn't defend when they need it. Happened again today. McPsychoville looked like handing Jeruselem another loss leading 3-1 in the first half after an inspired period of gameplay on the pitch. It was not to be as Jeruselem stole all the points by scoring three goals in the 2nd half and once again McPsychoville's defense failed them.

Milchama reclaimed the cursed 3rd spot again. They beat Race City 3-1 who have only managed 4 points so far. The 47th seed have a 3 win, 3 loss record and have trouble stringing two wins in a row together.

Rordia bounced back with a 2-1 over Artoonia who still have 2nd best GA in Group 15. They moved to 4th on goal difference as Artoonia have trouble find the goal. This is their 2nd win after their 6-3 win on match day 1, so it was all overdue.

Once again, Group 15 top 2 stay put and the others play shuffle. Race City are the dubious record of being last at the half way stage with 4 points from 7 games (1 bye). There's 3 points between 3rd and 6th, so who knows what will go on with these teams. The twin towers of Tadjikistan and Jeruselem stand above them all so far.

As for draws in Group 15, 2 game were draws. It's do or die in Group 15 as all other games have been results. Group 15 is not for the defensive System Karela folks as Tadjikistan and Jeruselem head the number of goals scored for all the entire World Cup 26 so far.

Predictions - Well, Tadjikistan to head Group 15 and goal scoring for the World Cup 26 until the next stage. 5 wins and 1 draw, they ARE GOOD. Jeruselem 2nd? Why? While 2 losses look bad, they were against top 50 teams. We normally beat the others and we are consistent. Going W-W-L-L-W-BYE-W isn't that bad.

Hockey Canada beat FSX 2-1 and well, just look like a soccer team destined for next round. Winning is only way to shut up the critics.

Collonie beat Nedalia 1-0. Not looking good at all at this stage. Can the Lions fight back and claim maximum points (24) or will they look the kittens? They have 6 games to show what Lions really are. We want the Lions to get into the top 2 but we're Jeruselem not Nedalia.

Group 2
Hockey Canada 2 FSX 1
The Weegies 2 Fbrenia 3
Spaam 0 Northern Voobaha 0

Group 9
Nedalia 0 Collonie 1
Harlesburg 1 Wentland 3
Nanakaland 4 Bazalonia 0

Group 15
Jeruselem 4 McPsychoville 3
Milchama 3 Race City 1
Rordia 2 Artoonia 1

Region 15 Pts W D L GF:GA GD
1. Tadjikistan 16 5 1 0 20:5 15
2. Jeruselem 12 4 0 2 19:15 4
3. Milchama 9 3 0 3 14:17 -3
4. Rordia 7 2 1 3 14:16 -2
5. Artoonia 7 2 1 3 7:11 -4
6. McPsychoville 6 2 0 4 12:17 -5
7. Race City 4 1 1 4 8:13 -5

Apologetic Kittens

25-01-2006, 15:32

Kittens Earn Draw to Keep Alive Hopes of Avoiding Bottom

A late equaliser by the newly returned Roberts earned the Kittens a draw against Star Signs, and only their fifth point of the campaign.

The opposition took the lead early on with a simple header from a well placed cross. Alington stretched but couldn't prevent the ball hitting the net.

Following the goal, the Kittens put on a more offensive game, taking the match to the opposition. The keeper was equal to every shot fired at him, and fire is so often the right way to describe an 'Ironboot' shot, and the score remained out of the Kittens favour.

Roberts was the one to rescue the team, however, as he powered home a free kick on the 86th minute. The groan from the opposition was audible even over the cheering of the Kittens fans.

That goal earned one point, surely more will follow.

Schiavonia

25-01-2006, 16:56

The Schiavone Scribe
FIFA UNDER ATTACK!

The famous sporting region of FIFA has audaciously had it's UN delegacy stolen by outsiders.

Three non-sporting nations, calling themselves "Stay fly", "Captiva Island" and "Wesam", have entered the region and taken over the UN delegacy, thus giving them complete power over the region since the founders (the legendary Brazillico) have since demised.

It means that, if they so desire, these three (or, more precisely, Stay Fly, for they are the delegate) can kick whoever they feel like out of FIFA. It means that no-one is safe in the region.

FIFA is Schiavonia's home, and is also home to Rejistania (who are the former delegates), Kaze Progressa, Eauz and Audioslavia amongst others. It has a history of great footballing nations (and Audioslavia) being in it. However, unless the people of the traditional Fifian nations don't all put their weight into the effort, it could end up being left desolate.

Of Schiavonia is forced out of FIFA, no decision has been made on where it will go. We're not that defeatist...

HALF TIME ANALYSIS

It seems like only last week that qualifying for World Cup 25 got underway, but now we're half way through already. So let's go down the Group Four table to see how everyone's getting along...

Rejistania World Ranking: 2, 1st place, 18 points
Exactly what you'd expect from a nation ranked second in the world. They're way ahead of everything else in the group, and playing like a team who could go all the way again. A shoo in for the finals, but have they hit their stride too early for the finals?
Prediction: 1st. By miles.

Schiavonia World Ranking: 139, 2nd place, 13 points
Wait a minute... that's us! If it wasn't for the fact that the table has Rejistania at the top, you could be forgiven for thinking that somebody had turned it upside down. Still not fancied to hold on, and have a tough run of away games to come, plus the home games are no walkovers, either...
Prediction: 4th.

Kudlastan World Ranking: 82, 3rd place, 9 points
Although not on the same scale as our beloved Sloths, the Kudlas are doing a bit better than expected. But not loads better. They are pretty consistant, and gave Schiavonia the runaround last game, despite the scoreline. Still, could easily fade.
Prediction: 5th

Cuation World Ranking: 55, 4th place, 8 points
After quite a good start, the last few games have been problematic for Cuation. Hopefully for them, they'll have got a real tongue-lashing from their manager after the defeat against Pyrologists911. Still in a respectable position, and should e good enough to take the two positions ahead.
Prediction: 2nd

Pyrologists911 World Ranking: 184, 5th place, 4 points
They haven't exactly set the world alight[/BadPun] so far, but they're not laguishing in the bottom two, which is quite a surprise. But then that is down to only one thing...
Prediction: 6th

Kaze Progressa World Ranking: 34, 6th place, 4 points
Yes, you are reading correctly, Kaze Progressa, World Cup 25 hosts and second ranked team in the group, are in sixth place with just four points. They haven't even managed to beat both of the two worst-ranked teams, and currently find thiemselves in a time of crisis. However, they just haven't really had the luck so far, and we can see them turning it round a bit from here. second place is only nine points away!
Prediction: 3rd

Alexandrian Ptolemais World Ranking: unranked, 7th place, 3 points
Last. Just as most people expected. And where they'll probably stay.
Prediction: 7th

As for the rest of the groups - most of them are just as screwed up and unpredictable as ours, so instead of predicing where there might be shocks, we're just going to sit back and enjoy the action!

Majeristan

25-01-2006, 17:05

Avid Mashoda 1932-2006

TIKIRA -- Avid Mashoda, a man who coached the inaugural matches of two different national teams and served as the first head coach in the Majeristan Falcons' brief history, died of complications from a second heart attack late last night at Muslim General Hospital outside Tikira. He was 74.

Mashoda was tapped to coach the Talzeckia national team when the colony declared its independence from Sarzonia, but watched the Tides disband when the independence movement failed. His charges defeated Kylaai away in their first-ever international match and added an upset of a Kaze Progressa side then in the top 10 in the world to their credit. During the Baptism of Fire Cup that marked his entire Falcons tenure, the team dominated a Tanah Burung side that had previous World Cup experience 4-1 to advance to the knockout stages.

"Avid's contributions to the sport will be much more than coaching on the sidelines," said Falcons assistant coach Roger Taylor. "He was a mentor, a father figure to many of the Talzecki players and he was a kindly old grandfather-type of guy to the younger Falcons players. He was also a well-organised man and had a strong sense for building a football programme from the bottom up."

Mashoda had multiple health problems resulting from his heart attack after the team's second round loss ended their Baptism of Fire Cup hopes. He said he was intending to return to the sidelines just weeks after he was in hospital, but the Football Association named Hatime I. Ra~e the new head coach in a move that angered Mashoda.

"He really wanted to see the Falcons through one cycle of football, from Baptism of Fire Cup through World Cup qualifiers," Taylor said. "Whether that season resulted in a World Cup finals bid or a trip to the Cup of Harmony, he wanted to make sure the Falcons got off to a good start. He was just too unhealthy though."

The team announced they would fly the Majeristani flag at half staff in their remaining home fixtures and would wear a patch with Mashoda's initials (AJM) on the right sleeve of their uniform shirts.

"This is indeed a sad, sad day for Majeristani football and for the Mashoda family," said Avid Mashoda's son, Hassan Mashoda. "We ask that the media respect our wishes for privacy in this hour of great loss."

The team played their first match after Mashoda's death, playing to a 0-0 draw against System Karela in a match Ra~e said was "not indicative of how we played, but getting three points is what we want on this team."

"We loved Avid as a coach and as a friend," goalkeeper Khari Hasenjafi said. "We're going to have to soldier on and play the rest of our matches in his memory. That's what he would want for us."

Dance 2 Revolution

25-01-2006, 17:31

D2R lose

D2R in middle of worst qualifying campaign of all 11 ever competed in.

Maybe they might not win a single game

Revolutionary Football is dead

End of broadcast

The Lowland Clans

25-01-2006, 17:38

GRAHAM CITY SUN
Stars Optimistic Heading Into Second Half of Qualifyig

GRAHAM CITY - After a beautiful game by the Stars against Dagabom and Starblaydia, the Stars and the fans of the Allied States are considering qualifying for this World Cup a possibility this time around. After a disasterous performance from the struggling defense against the weak Southern Universe side, fans were about to give up. I mean, there was no way any of us here thought that two weeks later, we'd be four points back of first place and three back of second after the first half of qualifying.

Westley Stjepan sounded slightly less shocked about it in the FFAS press conference today. "Well, I know my squad, and my squad is good enough to qualify. We had a rough game at Southern Universe, but every squad has those games. Look at Hypocria and PopularFreedom. We've had our share of those games, but now it's time to celebrate a beautiful first half and prepare to win in New Montreal States and Starblaydia."

Former Stars defender Carson Lindsay was still silent about his unceremonial boot of the national team, and it is rumored that he has left the country for Bedistan. The Stars back-line played a terrible, brutal game against the Southern Universe, but was able to pull it together for a beautiful match against Starblaydia, where the Stars played with form that has not been seen in almost fifty years. FFAS official Dailan Tothan likened Nicolae Foma to the second coming of Gavin Fleury. Hopefully for the Stars, Foma will not be taken the same way Fleury was.

In related news, the search for a new center back continues, with rumors settling in on City University's center back Omar Jackson and Belgrad West's Xapa Kiljaden as the two main contenders, with Mike Igniateff running as the dark horse. FFAS has announced they will make the choice in time for the game against New Montreal States in about a months time.

PopularFreedom

25-01-2006, 18:31

OOC: PopularFreedom, you should probably use the discussion thread (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showthread.php?t=293066) next time you want to complain. Some hosts that aren’t as nice as I am might penalize your team for using the RP thread. :p

OOC: It was an RP (though admittedly with some OOC info involved) :)

See accompanying news article:

PopularFreedom officially announces their team is pulled from World Cup 26. (http://www.geocities.com/PopularFreedomTicker/2006-01-24-001.html)

Elrich

25-01-2006, 20:13

http://i21.photobucket.com/albums/b274/John_Spinks/Elrichlogopaint.jpg

NEVER SAY NEZZA

Kingdom of Elrich 4 - 1 Nezza

3 games ago it looked the end for Bassett. A credible draw last week was followed today by an emphatic trouncing of Nezza. Bassett seems to have got the players playing again, and goals from Elrich, the Wolfman (his second in two games!) and a brace from Dan Singh-Queen saw the Badgers record a comofortable 4-1 victory.

The Kingdom were comfortable throughout, and safely secured their second win of the qualifying campaign. After weeks of criticism, it appears as if Mike Bassett's addition of the Wolfman to the national set-up was a good decision, with the tenacious centre-half capping a comanding display with a flying header. Two early Dan Singh-Queen tap-ins had calmed any Elrichian nerves and after Zebedee was hauled down in the penalty area Elrich's penalty made it 3-0 before half-time. The Wolfmans header in the 72nd minute made it 4 before a late Nezza consolation gave the away fans something to cheer.

The Kingdom of Elrich - Banks, Scatman John, Wolfman, Scott, Scaramanga, Jeremiah (Allen 65), J Spinks (P Spinks 81), Banks, Zebedee, Singh-Queen, Elrich (Cucumber 70)

"ZUCCHINI GAME IS GIANT"

In a pre-match press conference today, Mike Bassett stated the importance of tonight's group 13 match with Giant Zucchini towards Elrich's qualification hopes.

"In one word, it's an absolutely, positively, enormously, incredibly, indescribably huge game for us. A win and we're right back in there, a loss and we're not. It's as simple as that..."

"Yep, Wolfy has shown us just what he's capable of in the last few games. I've kept faith in him and he's not let me down. Dan (Singh-Queen) is finally singing from the same hymn sheet as the rest of the team as well, and has really done well whilst Mudgie is out injured."

"I won't comment on the Adams/N'Stein situation, except to say that they will never play under me again. Never. I think what they did was an absolute disgrace to football. And no, it was nothing like the 72 cup final. No, I'm not having that. My fight was against an opponent..... YES A MASCOT IS AN OPPONENT!........ He was one vicious teddybear!.......And no, I'm not planning on replacing Sven for the new England job."

Lets hope for more success under our Suede!

Up the Elrich

Cuation

25-01-2006, 20:20

Cuation Team: Damp

In a home game, at the half way point, against an unranked team. We dominated as could be expected but created nothing, only a tester by Asthon that flew into the crowd. The out of sorrtsGioavnni meant that Cuation where unable to build attacks well.

The play was dull and it was Pyrologists911 that provided the one spark. A counter attack sending the striker clear before being hualed down by Jonathon Yan who was given a red card. Down to ten men, they never recovered and when the penalty flew past a wrong footed Gary Jens, the home fans left in disgust.

Half Way round up!

Rejistania World Ranking: 2, 1st place, 18 points

Six games, six wins. Simply unstoppble this group stage, they will be building up the momentum for the next stage but have not had a very skilled and expirenced team to face. To romp home this group, without losing a single game.

1st

Schiavonia World Ranking: 139, 2nd place, 13 points

This team has taken advantage of the weak group and go in the half way point as second best team. Unlucky to let in two late goals against Cuation, thye fully deserve thier place. The trick will be to hold it and keep the momentum with the away games they have. If they can hold thier nerve or open up the gap a few points more...

2nd

Kudlastan World Ranking: 82, 3rd place, 9 points

Solid team, they have had taken the results from the little teams but failed against the big teams. Lack the quality to challenge for the group stage but will certainly do well. A team that could shape anothers qualfication

5th

Cuation World Ranking: 55, 4th place, 8 points

Inconsistant, after two good wins, they managed to draw two and then lost two. Win against Kudlastan, thrashing Kaze Progressa, drawing with Schiavonia and a credible performance against Rejistania however has been blackened by a loss to Pyrologists911 and a draw to bottom team Alexandrian Ptolemais. Now have a set of home games but must do better to regain ground

4th

Pyrologists911 World Ranking: 184, 5th place, 4 points

Only here due to Cuation's inability to beat the little teams. A poor side, they will be pour last game and may have a chance to shape the qualfiations. Will sink into the bottom two and we will have our revenge!

6th

Kaze Progressa World Ranking: 34, 6th place, 4 points

A suprise but this time will no doubt pull out of the slump and makje a late bid for second place. Certainly a team to respect and any who imagine them as a soft touch will go home with tails between thier legs. Need a bit of sorting

3rd

Alexandrian Ptolemais World Ranking: unranked, 7th place, 3 points

A lack of wins but some creidble draws to thier name. Will stay in the bottom however

7th.

Other teams.

Andossa Se Mitrin Vega

Despite some signs of the lingering curse, they are within a shout of second place. 4th at the moment, they will hopefully get to third place andthen show thier true mettle in the Cup of Harmony

The Archregimancy

Top of thier group, we hope to face the cheating monks soon. A quality side, they hide behind thier robes to hide the disgusting cheating ways that infect such a noble sport. Will go through to the next round unless they do something amazingly stupid.

Casari

25-01-2006, 20:35

http://i16.photobucket.com/albums/b20/Casari/4sport.png

Then again, sometimes it is better to play the game
The Forwards finally break out, score 5 in win over Hiiraan

The fans crowded National in hopes that for once, finally, the Confed side would be able to break free of their karelan streak and put up some goals.

Apparently, the team wanted the same thing.

Saienz, Roe, and Larini all scored in a spectacular first half, which ended 3-2 in favor of the group leaders. In the second, a slip allowed Hiiraan to equalize before Rolano decided to put on a show, scoring first in the 54th, then again in the 57th minute to close the scoring and put down the upstarts from Hiiraan, who had put forth a spectacular performance this far, holding second in the group until yesterday's match.

"It was a good performance, although conceding 3 goals to Hiiraan is showing that we haven't been focusing on working on our defense." Coach Hill said at the post-match press confrence. "Our side has finally managed to show of how we should be playing in this cup. We're not some kind of joke side, we're supposed to be contenders to Qualify. 6 goals in 5 games is not acceptable, and we've finally managed to rectify that in one game. Hopefully, we won't lose touch with the goal again."

Krytenia

25-01-2006, 21:41

thsd:NEWS

Flat On Their Aces
by Rami Niblick in Everton City

WELL, the run had to stop somewhere. Despite goals from Spivey and Blannix, the Aces could only muster a two-all draw against The Weegies. Though still top, the rest of the group all have a game in hand, which could make for an interesting Matchday Eight.

I've been Rami Niblick. I've also been Daniel Wheldon. G'nite bitches.

KRYTENIA - 0
Blannix 16
Spiver 63

THE WEEGIES - 2
Ochens 51
Sheridan 81

Orange-Blue Watch: Matchday VI
by Bill Tulos in Rejistania

Cuation and it's six out of six. Rejistania v Krytenia? Please?

SCORERS
G. Kennedy - 6
R. Spivey - 5
C. Blannix - 2
K. Keda - 2
J. Jaffacake-Phillips - 1
A. Pedroso - 1
C. Stevenson - 1

SCHEDULE:
MD1: H v FBR W 6-0 (Isserson Stadium, Everton City, EC)
MD2: A v NVO W 2-1
MD3: H v SPA W 4-2 (Mercia Stadium, Bromham, CP)
MD4: A v HCN W 2-1
MD5: A v FSX W 2-0
MD6: H v WEE D 2-2 (Isserson Stadium, Everton City, EC)
MD7: BYE - NO GAME
MD8: A v FBR ?????
MD9: H v NVO ????? (Lays Road Ground, Leston, LS)
MD10: A v SPA ?????
MD11: H v HCN ????? (Isserson Stadium, Everton City, EC)
MD12: H v FSX ????? (Walton Gardens, Simpson, OU)
MD13: A v WEE ?????
MD14: BYE - NO GAME

Hypocria

25-01-2006, 22:06

World Cup 26 News

Déjà Vu All Over Again

This qualification campaign is starting to become eerily familiar. Hypocria entered the World Cup arena with a solid campaign in the qualifiers for WC22. That was followed by an excellent run to the final of the regional AOCAF competition. After those success the Hyppos entered the next World Cup full of confidence and promptly fell flat on their faces. And now history is repeating itself. We performed solidly in the last campaign, had an excellent AOCAF and now it’s all falling apart again.

A home fixture against Palacetonia, a side that achieved a fat lot of nothing at the Baptism of Fire and have lost every match since, in a stadium in which the Hyppos have been victorious whenever they have played. Surely a home win was on the cards. After holding top seeds One Red Dot to a draw in the last outing surely we’d pick up all three points against Group 12’s whipping boys. Of course we wouldn’t, where would be the fun in that?

Hypocria 1 - 2 Palacetonia

Veteran striker Andrei Shirko gave Hypocria the lead at the Drissa Sports Arena but more defensive blundering gifted the opposition an equaliser from the penalty spot ten minutes later. The Hyppos went on to miss chance after chance as the match went on. And to add insult to injury the visitors launched a late break and beat Kindelan with a deflected shot two minutes into stoppage time.

Elsewhere in the group Oaker and Majeristan both joined One Red Dot on eleven points at the top of the table. The Sharks edged past Hurleyland 1 - 0 while the Falcons were held to a predictable goalless draw in System Karela.
Region 12 Pts W D L GF:GA GD
1. Oaker 11 3 2 1 13:5 8
2. One Red Dot 11 3 2 1 10:6 4 (head-to-head)
3. Majeristan 11 3 2 1 10:6 4 (head-to-head)
4. System Karela 7 1 4 1 1:1 0
5. Hurleyland 7 2 1 3 5:8 -3
6. Hypocria 7 2 1 3 9:15 -6
7. Palacetonia 3 1 0 5 6:13 -7

Half Time Report

Seven points from six games is not exactly a brilliant return and it will be nice to draw a veil after the first half of this campaign. With four of the final six matches at home we shouldn’t to be too pessimistic but given the result in our last home fixture the fans aren’t holding their breath. Up next is the exciting prospect of System Karela although, considering the defence has been haemorrhaging goals left, right and centre, at this stage a 0 - 0 would be quite welcome.

Qualification Schedule

Hypocria v System Karela (Oceanside Stadium, Pylos) (1 - 0)
Bye
Oaker v Hypocria (6 - 0)
Hurleyland v Hypocria (1 - 4)
Majeristan v Hypocria (4 - 1)
One Red Dot v Hypocria (2 - 2)
Hypocria v Palacetonia (Drissa Sports Arena, Drissa) (1 - 2)
System Karela v Hypocria
Bye
Hypocria v Oaker (Hyppodrome, Hypocrium)
Hypocria v Hurleyland (Oceanside Stadium, Pylos)
Hypocria v Majeristan (Hyppodrome, Hypocrium)
Hypocria v One Red Dot (Hyppodrome, Hypocrium)
Palacetonia v Hypocria

Verdana Watch

As always at the halfway stage of qualification we like to take a quick look at how much better our continental rivals are faring than we are.

Over in Group 2 Krytenia are enjoying life, having dropped just 2 points on their way to top spot.

In Group 3 Spruitland have won 3 and lost 3 and are, quite suitably, in third place. They may not be native to Verdana but an honourable mention goes to Andossa Se Mitrin Vega. The Sea Dragons finally seem to have ended their curse and move up to fourth after two successive wins.

The Lions of Nedalia are enjoying the same kind of luck as the Hyppos in Group 9. Four defeats in their six matches sees the former Under-21 champions struggling, 9 points behind the leader.

Not only have Bedistan not registered a 100% record so far in qualifying they’re not even winning Group 11. A rare defeat for the other Lions sees the former World Champions a single point behind the monks of the Archregimancy.

It’s business as usual in Group 13 for Cockbill Street. Five wins and a draw sees the Street top of the pile and a comfortable 3 points clear of nearest challengers Eauz.

The Arora’s are going rather well too. Bettia have won four of their six fixtures and our eastern neighbours are well placed in Group 14, just 2 points behind leaders Fmjphoenix.

The Kazoo Peoples

25-01-2006, 22:33

Claiming unfair advantages given to the opposing side by referees, PopularFreedom announced that they would withdraw halfway through World Cup 26.

Many are wondering what the hosts will do with the remaining matches.

Local crazy person Donald McRonald suggested 4 options:

"1. Forefeit all past and present matches to the teams in PopularFreedom's group at an acceptable margin, like 2-0 or 3-0.

2. Forfeit all future matches at an acceptable margin, like 2-0 or 3-0.

3. Let PopularFreedom play future games as normal, allowing teams to have free-for-all on their goal [[OOC: i.e. use modifer to determine how many attacks each team has, then use a function to first give a random number between 0 and 1, multiply this decimal by the number of attacks each team is entitled to, and round to the nearest integer. For example, a team has a +1 modifier, and is entitled to 15 attacks. Randomize number, in this case, 0.65. 0.65*15=9.75, which rounds to 10. 10-0 in favor of opposition. Under no circumstances should PopularFreedom be able to win or draw a match. They should not be able to score a goal (unless it is an own goal, provided that own goal does not give PopularFreedom a draw or win).]]. This format, however, would give a definite advantage to attacking teams, as they would score more often than defensive teams. On second thought, you might want to disregard this idea.

4. Let teams play matches as normal, with teams who face PopularFreedom have another off day. Keep standings as is."

"I personally like option number 2," he said after saying all this. He declined to state his reasoning, claiming that his right ring finger hurt. We honestly don't know what he is talking about -- he's crazy!

We hope to hear from our hosts soon on this developing crisis.

[[OOC: Though this post appeared to be of great length, it was produced with great diffuculty. I jammed my right ring finger pretty badly today, and it has swollen (and it hurts like hell too). So typing speed is down, and the finger responsible for "O," "L," and "." is out of commission. If my post is brief after MD8, you'll know why.]]

Wentland

25-01-2006, 22:59

Walled City Despatch

WENTLAND KEEP RIGHT ON!

The late change of venue appeared to demoralize Harlesburg rather than their visitors. The Harlesburg crowd was lower than expected, their team’s poor start to the World Cup campaign evidently damping enthusiasm. And their enthusiasm was all but extinguished within the first five minutes of their home qualifier with Wentland.

Lining up with an odd 3-2-5 formation, Wentland took the kick-off, sent it back to giant centre-half Jenkins, who launched a long ball to the left wing where Don Fletcher sent a pinpoint cross on the head of even bigger centre-forward Martin Smith. One well-placed header later and within 15 seconds Wentland were one-up.

In the 4th minute a further heft by Jenkins went straight down-field where Smith knocked it back to Treves. His shot was blocked, but right-back Ron Fletcher had been in an advanced position and followed up with a purler from 25 yards. Two-nil and the Wentland faithful were ecstatic.

Wentland promptly moved to a more defensive formation, with the Fletcher brothers moving back to make a 5-3-2 as Treves dropped to midfield, and Harlesburg, who had been finding goal-scoring difficult, had no way through. Their misery was compounded right on half-time when Ron Fletcher barrelled down the wing and crossed for Smith to score his second.

The second-half was a lot duller with Wentland playing a more defensive 5-4-1 and sitting on what they had. Harlesburg created barely a chance and even their 82nd minute goal was a fluke, a harmless cross turned into his own goal by an errant Jenkins. That seemed to make Wentland all the more determined to hold on and Harlesburg finished the game with just three shots on target.

Half-way through the group and Wentland’s position suddenly looks a lot less dire than before. 4th out of 7 is pretty decent for first-timers, particularly in the Group of Death.

Their next test is the home game with Squornshelous, Group leaders and favourites. Smarting from their initial 5-0 defeat Wentland now have a little more confidence and may prove a more difficult nut to crack. The game is being held at Donington where the swirling moor winds may affect the red-and-black attack more than Wentland’s. But we wish them the best.

*****

The Wentland FA would like to pass its condolences to the Majeristan Association on the passing of manager Avid Mashoda. Mr Mashoda was a gentleman and we remember his generosity of spirit from the Baptism of Fire. We wish his family well and the best of wishes to the Majeristan team at this difficult time.

Squornshelous

25-01-2006, 23:38

Pschychoes Looking to Win Big off the Bye

An away match against Wentland may be more difficult than expected
As the Pschychoes look to climb back into first place in Group 9, their first hurdle could prove to be a stumbling block. Wentland has played very strong football for a team of their experience, and they have improved vastly since the 5-0 thrashing the Pschychoes handed them in Wentland's World Cup debut match. Most recently, they defeated established side Harlesburg 3-1, and earlier, they managed to defeat Nedalia, who are having a dismal qualifying performance. Right now at 4th in the group, they sit 3 points behind Collonie, and six points behind the Pschychoes. Squornshelous will play their normal attacking strategy and formation for this match, sticking to what has worked for them so far. If adjustments need to be made, they will be made during the match, or at halftime. Hopefully, this will prove unnecessary, and the Pschychoes will waltz to victory once more, however, we are prepared to go punch and counterpunch with a side that has had a nose for upsets in the first half of qualifying.

Rejistania

25-01-2006, 23:53

Location: A cellar-room in the headquarter of the ASR, sike kali, lik~hat nanti, Rejistania, FIFA, NSEarth, NSVerse

Siki Rej is typing without looking at the keyboard. He looks at the screen and sees the various numbers change when he adds or removes components of the subsystem. Suddenly, he hears a weird sound, apparently someone is knocking on his door. He saves a working state of his test and then opens the door. He sees an ASR-employee, who appears to work in the lower management. He wears a beige suit, short hair and an aura of arrogance. He steps back as he sees (or smells?) Siki Rej. Siki looks down on himself, he is wearing a t-shirt, which is long enough to go down to his knees and glasses (and that seems to be everything). His black hair is long and pretty unkempt, except for the parts, where Siki Rej moves his hands through when thinking about something. The T-shirt has the rejistanian translation of 'Unix is the operating system of the future - and has been since 15* years' in several alphabets. The room smells of coffee and pizza and coding and a mixture of several legal drugs. "'jida" murmurs Siki. He knows that it is no good sign if an official person comes into this room, last time... he tries not to think of that.
"Hejida Rej'he! I am Hana Ikaru, Can I talk to you about the new budget in the IT area?"

Okay, that doesn't sound bad. I can help him with investing into IT correctly, he thought. "Not quite my 'rea, but well..."

A while later, he realized, that he was wrong. The smoothy apparently wants to tell him about all sorts of budget cuts, which relate to his area. Siki has heard it before and will hear it again. Managers start saving money at things, they know least of. He listens boredly. At one point, he suddenly interferes: "You want to cut my coffee-budget? I can not accept that!"

"Yes, we do plan that. I can try to get that position changed, but I have doubts, that it'll get changed, I can tell you now already." smoothy said.

"Well, I can tell you, that I will quit if this position budget passes! And I will take the part of the equipment I financed myself for Hexatux with me."

"I will tell that as well." After an exchange of pointlesspoliteness, smoothy leaves. Siki curses and lights an incense stick to 'be able to think better'. It removes the smell of arrogance and fresh air quite effectively and manages to improve his mood, which might be related to the fact that it has hemp in it.

*OOC: This is meant to imply that the tshirt is very old.

New Manhattan

26-01-2006, 00:08

Matchday 8 scores (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=10298524&postcount=8) are now available.

(Note to self: Yet again, Margaret has failed to inform me of certain activity that may influence scorination—this time, the so-called “RPs” of both Squornshelous and Rejistania. I really must stop taking so long to post scores. :p)

[NS]Bazalonia

26-01-2006, 00:25

"Bazalopes lost... again." by Nev Gould

Fans of the Bazalopes have once again been disappointed by a home loss, though the BFSA has been upbeat with James Gaines saying "Our group is one of the hardest groups with 4 teams out of the top 60 and then a large jump down to 126 with our Bazalopes. The Match against the Nedalia Lions was always going to be hard, nigh impossible." However a local fan Andrew Hodges said "<expletive-removed> that! What about Wentland and Collonie? We beat Wentland but they are now are 6 points ahead of us.. and Collonie? Unknowns that are challenging Nankaland and Squornshelous for qualifying! Someone's head has got to roll."

When presented with this opinion James Gaines replied "Whoa.. Hold on their. No one's head is on the chopping block we still have 5 games left to play.. anything can happen. Maybe Squornshelous, that we drew at home, we'll be able to beat them away? And we still have a very good chance against Wentland and Collonie... They just seem to get the breaks." Breaks or biased umpiring? That's what I want to know. Are Wentland and Collonie being the beneficiaries of biased umpiring? Or are the Bazalopes on the receiving end of the short end of the stick of biased umpiring? We can't be certain this reporter has so far found no evidence but what else can be the cause?

Now we have some follow-up from the Home game against Nankaland. It seems work is being done with the air condtioning vents in the changerooms... for both the home and away teams... May have the Bazalopes "over-heard" some plans? No matter what they heard it still befuddles me why the own goals... really why? I don't know. Maybe there are some crazed lunatics in the team and that is why the Bazalopes are so unreliable.

.......

James Gaines was looking over piles of Wentlandish(OOC: IS that right?) Newspapers... No word from 'Top of the World Cup" or the WFA...

"Right call, our lawyers, We're going to sue TotWC for defamation...."

... The next day the following letter was sent to the World Cup Committee headquarters...

"To Whom it may Concern;

During Matchday 6, where the Bazalonian Bazalopes played at home against the Wentland team. However in their re-cap of the game, the Wentlandish Television show "Top of the World Cup" broadcast a 'skit'. A copy of the 'skit' is contained in this Package. We find this totally in-appropriate and ask on behalf of the Bazalonian Bazalopes and the umpire involved, Mr Ring. That official sanctions be imposed on the WFA for not dealing with the issue.

Thank you for your attention to this Matter.

Your's Sincerly, James Gaines, President of the Bazalonian Federation of Soccer Associations"

Also a Subpoena was sent to the WBC sueing the show for defamation.

Originally Posted by Wentland
"Top Of The World Cup" was a popular satirical football programme, but many people considered they might have gone too far with one of their Trademarked Re-enactments covering the Bazalonia away game.

It started innocently enough, with jokes about the referee's name (Ring), and some whimsical japery involving a watering can, a superhero and a waxwork of Napoleon Bonaparte (scoring a goal, apparently it was meant to represent Victor Boney of Bazalonia).

However, with the score tight at 2-2, Bazalonia scored a highly controversial goal when a cross appeared to be punched in by Kantwell. Replays were somewhat ambiguous, in the way that the sea is ambiguously wet, but despite the prolonged Wentland protests Mr Ring declared the goal to stand.

In the re-enactment it went something like this:

Absalom: ...and here comes Conne with the throw-in [man in hooped jersey and mask with swag bag behind him hurls in ball]...Fletcher gets a head to it but can't clear it [Ronnie Barker look-a-like flicks it behind him]...but there's Kantwell!!!

[Man in Bazalonia jersey grabs hold of ball, runs around in circles, kicks man in Wentland shirt in goolies, takes gun out of holster and proceeds to shoot holes in an inflatable Homer Simpson in a goalkeeper's jersey before slam-dunking the ball in the net.]

Absalom: ...and the Wentland players are beseiging the referee...demanding he change his mind...but Mr Ring is still on the phone...

[Chap dressed as referee is indeed talking on the telephone, he waves away protests on the grounds that he didn't see it. Giving the goal, he says:]

Ring:...where was I? Oh yeah, two hundred guineas on Bazalonia to win 3-2.

OOC: The BFSA beleives that the WFA is also responsible for at least not de-nouncing the Top of te World cup show.

The Archregimancy

26-01-2006, 00:44

THE ARCHREGIMANCY BRINGS YOU

WORLD CUP TONIGHT

With Fr. Nicholas the Scribe and Fr. John the Golden-Throated

"So... Fr. John... PopularFreedom... The bottom team in the group - despite a surprise 2-2 draw against us in the first leg... An easy win, right?

"Yes. Fr. Nicholas, but not for the reasons you're thinking?"

"Why? Didn't we sweep them aside in a stirring display of God-fearing football?"

"Not quite"

"Oh. Did we hang on grimly for a victory away from home?"

"Not really"

"Well, was it a surprise draw against weaker opposition"

"Can't say that it was"

"We didn't actually _lose_, did we?"

"No"

"So what actually happened, Fr. John?"

"We won by forfeit, Fr. Nicholas. Seems PopularFreedom have withdrawn from the tournament under protest, and the organisers awarded us a 3-0 victory"

"Oh."

"And if that wasn't enough, Bedistan suffered a shock 1-0 defeat to the Cataduanes schismatics."

"Really!"

"Which, Fr. Nicholas, means that going into our bye, we're four points clear at the top of the group, and one of only eight undefeated teams in qualifying"

"God be praised, Fr. John!"

"Absolutely... but I can't help but feel I'd rather be topping the group after winning through our own efforts rather than our opponent forfeiting. Still, you take what you can get...."

The Macabees

26-01-2006, 01:18

Debacle
Today featured another shattering loss, this time to the Lowland Clans, again, making point game for the team rather elusive, which finds itself tenously holding on to the fourth position, contested by both the Empire and Southern Universe, which managed to pull off a draw with the Empire at an away game in Fedalam, making next match's results a bit shady. Nevertheless, the Empire still holds on to what many believe will be its end position in World Cup 26, which is still a hefty increase over the second to last position it gained in World Cup 25, crafting the idea that the team will slowly advance in position every four years with every passing world cup, making loss not so bad to bear. However, this last loss against the Lowland Clans truly demoralized the team, which had hoped to at least establish a draw which would mean that they had a chance for third placement, but all hopes for that third placement have been tossed away, unless a freak accident happens and The Lowland Clans again ends of in fourth place. Nevertheless, one should be glad that the team has at least retained fourth position, instead of dropping to second to last, like last time around, which then forced the team to consider last place soon thereafter. Nevertheless, the fans and the team itself holds together, and many are considering their thought to be victories over Dagabom and Keyshona, and hopefully a victory over Southern Universe. Nonetheless, the fate of the team has passed into just that, fate.

In an interview, Leo Benz told the press that, "We're looking foward to our game against New Montreal States tomorrow, and we are not expecting anything more than a draw. Indeed, we are expecting the same as if we were entering a game with Starblaydia. The team is under no illusions, and we are pragmatic - as always, we will make the best of things, and our resolve to continue playing in the World Cup will never lessen."

The only scorer of the game, the infamous Mannerheim, put through his own words later, "I think we could have done better. Our first game against them was not that bad, and we were away. Something slipped; I couldn't tell you what - but it ruined the game for us. Things like that happen. When your in professional sports, you just have to be use to that."

When asked about how he felt about the game itself he responded, "I feel good. I put in a goal, meaning our offensive did do well in some respects. Again, like we always say, the experience gained, in the end, is more important than the victory itself. This will always hold true in my mentality."

As if to underscore the gloom faced by the defeat no flags were waved around the streets of the Empire today, although many have already arrived in New Montreal States, packed to their teeth, including flags, to root on their national team at tomorrow's game. As one hardcore fan put it, "We're not ready to let our team down. We support them through thick and thin." Hopefully, the team can repay this loyalty.

Matches
The Lowland Clans [3-2] The Macabees
The Macabees[1-1] New Montreal States
Starblaydia[2-0]The Macabees
The Macabees[2-1]Dagabom
Bi-day
The Macabees[4-2]Keyshona
The Macabees [0-0] The Southern Universe
The Macabees [1-3] The Lowland Clans
New Montreal States vs. The Macabees
The Macabees vs. Starblaydia
Dagabom vs. The Macabees
Bi-day
Keyshona vs. The Macabees
The Southern Universe vs. The Macabee

1. Starblaydia 17 5 2 0 18:6 12
2. New Montreal States 16 5 1 1 18:14 4
3. The Lowland Clans 13 4 1 2 14:11 3
4. The Macabees 8 2 2 3 10:12 -2
5. Southern Universe 7 2 1 4 8:11 -3
6. Dagabom 4 1 1 5 8:16 -8
7. Keyshona 2 0 2 4 9:15 -6

PopularFreedom

26-01-2006, 01:29

from the pages of the Loyalty Bay Informer (newspaper for the city of Loyalty Bay in Western PopularFreedom)...

2006-01-25

Locke Harbour can't cut it at the World Cup, withdraws under protest.
Crummy easterners ruin national name at prestigious event.

International Report - Locke Harbour again proved their ability to embarrass the nation as they withdrew from World Cup 26, under protest over the referreeing in their last few matches.

As reports surfaced in the western reaches of the nation, fans and players alike expressed anger at the decision by the governing body of the sport to pull the team from the World Cup.

A representative of the national champion Central Titans, from the western city of Loyalty Bay, noted that, 'the entire city of Loyalty Bay is disgusted at the actions taken by our football committee to protect the fake footballers from Locke Harbour'.

Though admitting that the referreeing at times had been rather atrocious, most in Loyalty Bay felt that the decision to leave the World Cup before the end would permanently leave a black mark on the nation for all future football tournaments.

In related news meanwhile fans in the neighbourhood of Pleasantview, in Loyalty Bay, rioted last night as word of the boycott of the World Cup was broadcast across the nation. Police were able to quickly disperse the rioters but not before fires were set and many cars overturned by mobs of angry hooligans.

OOC: FYI Loyalty Bay residents have never thought well of those in Locke Harbour. FYI the fans in the Loyalty Bay neighbourhood of Pleasantview riot over just about anything involving soccer...

PopularFreedom

26-01-2006, 01:52

from the pages of the PopularFreedom Ticker...

Loyalty Bay residents riot. (http://www.geocities.com/PopularFreedomTicker/2006-01-25-001.html)

Jeruselem

26-01-2006, 02:30

Jeruselem Government News

LIONS ROAR, TIGERS SHOT DOWN

Good news in the World Cup 26 ... we won and so did Nedalia.

Nedalia looking like bouncing back? They won their match day 8 game against Bazalonia 2-1 and hopefully this is the start of something. The recent losses have crashed them down the table but they can claw back the advantages gained by Nanakaland and Squornshelous as well as Collonie and Wentland. They are 7 point behind the leader Nanakaland, so all is not lost.

Hockey Canada won again. Northern Voobaha went down to 0-2 to the Canucks and well, being 2nd to the unbeaten Krytenia is not bad.

Tadjikistan were unbeaten until now. An unlikely team called Race City did the job with a 1-0 win over the Tigers who looked like the Godzilla in Group 15. Race City showed it's true self to down the top 10 team in an upset. Well done Race City, but they move to 4th because the other teams above them did not fall.

Milchama are back in form - Rordia crashed to them 2-5 and they hold on to 3rd place. Milchama ready for the big time? The Jeruselem and Tiger games will find that out for sure. Poor old Rordia look good but with only two wins need th pick the pace up.

McPsychoville had the bye so they are still 7th.

Artoonia still have the 2nd best GA in Group 15 but share that with Race City now. This is despite losing to Jeruselem 2-1 where they had their chances but they should do something about scoring goals. The Group 15 top 3 have score a total of 60 goals between them in comparison with Jeruselem's 21 goals leading the charge. Defense is not the issue here - it's the teeth of the team.

It's clear. The tigers, Crusaders and Milchama are the best teams here. They score the most goals and have the most wins. The others need to get a winning run now.

And the shocker in Group 9
Wentland 3 Squornshelous 1

Wentland look dangerous ... watch out Nedalia.

Group 2
Fbrenia 3 Krytenia 3
Northern Voobaha 0 Hockey Canada 2
Spaam 3 The Weegies 1

Group 9
Wentland 3 Squornshelous 1
Bazalonia 1 Nedalia 2
Nanakaland 1 Harlesburg 1

Group 15
Race City 1 Tadjikistan 0
Artoonia 1 Jeruselem 2
Rordia 2 Milchama 5

Region 15 Pts W D L GF:GA GD
1. Tadjikistan 16 5 1 1 20:6 14
2. Jeruselem 15 5 0 2 21:16 5
3. Milchama 12 4 0 3 19:19 0
4. Race City 7 2 1 4 9:13 -4
5. Rordia 7 2 1 4 16:21 -5 (head-to-head)
6. Artoonia 7 2 1 4 8:13 -5 (head-to-head)
7. McPsychoville 6 2 0 4 12:17 -5

Bedistan

26-01-2006, 02:39

http://bellsouthpwp.net/h/a/harleyt_1387/bsd_banner.png

Surf gets wakeup call

CATADUANES -- For the first time in quite a while, the Bedistan Lions' qualification chances are starting to look iffy. With the exception of that very narrow one-goal win over United Island Empires, the navy and green haven't seen a win since matchday three. And the latest blow came in Cataduanes, as Tom Pratt conceded a goal without his offense managing to compensate.

Looking at the Group 11 table...

Region 11 Pts W D L GF:GA GD
1. The Archregimancy 15 4 3 0 13:7 6
2. Bedistan 11 3 2 2 14:8 6
3. Cataduanes 10 3 1 3 10:10 0
4. Anathematic Republics 9 2 3 2 2:2 0
5. Oglethorpia 9 2 3 2 5:6 -1
6. United Island Empires 8 2 2 2 9:10 -1
7. PopularFreedom -1 0 2 5 6:16 -10

...we see that the Lions have fallen a full four points behind surprise group leaders the Archregimancy, and are incredibly as little as one more loss away from plummeting all the way to sixth place.

Needless to say, Bedistan manager Kenter Surf's job security is at an all-time low, and it seems almost certain that a loss to the Anathematic Republics next month would send Surf on a "permanent vacation". Bedistan lost to the Republics on matchday 2 by a 1-0 scoreline.

Nanakaland

26-01-2006, 03:07

Nanakaland Times
Draw But Still on Top
Laksu Kynsu's strategy was working against Harlesburg. The Nanakabirds were up 1-0 and did not attempt to score another goal. Unfortunately, in the 83rd minute, Harlesburg scored, thus making the game a 1-1 draw. Fortunately, Squornshelous lost to Wentland, meaning Nanakaland stays in first.

Kynsu was mad at the conceding, but the draw was an okay result to most Nanakans. While not having the most goals scored in group nine, Nanakaland still has the highest goal difference and the lowest conceding rate. The Nanakabirds also have the highest win rate and the lowest loss rate. With 16 points, if the Nanakabirds keep up their good work and win most of the rest of their matches, they will qualify for the first time in Nanakan history.

Their upcoming match is against Nedalia, 5th place in Group 9. In the last match against Nedalia, the Nanakabirds won 2-1. If the Nanakans can win their next match, they will have a great chance of qualifying. Check the upcoming schedule posted below the rankings of Region 9.

Region 9 Pts W D L GF:GA GD
1. Nanakaland 16 5 1 1 15:5 10
2. Squornshelous 13 4 1 2 16:7 9
3. Collonie 10 3 1 2 12:11 1
4. Wentland 10 3 1 3 14:16 -2
5. Nedalia 9 3 0 4 8:10 -2
6. Harlesburg 7 2 1 4 7:13 -6
7. Bazalonia 4 1 1 5 9:19 -10Harlesburg 1:3 Nanakaland
Nanakaland 2:1 Nedalia
Squornshelous 2:1 Nanakaland
Wentland 0:2 Nanakaland
DAY OFF
Nanakaland 2:0 Collonie
Nanakaland 4:0 Bazalonia
Nanakaland 1:1 Harlesburg

Nedalia -:- Nanakaland
Nanakaland -:- Squornshelous
Nanakaland -:- Wentland
DAY OFF
Collonie -:- Nanakaland
Bazalonia -:- Nanakaland

Tanah Burung

26-01-2006, 04:01

The Official Spokesman of His Majesty the Basileus of the Holy Empire has been asked to express His Majesty's pleasure that Tanah Burung have fond memories of the Dreamed Realm. The Official Spokesman also wishes to note that if the good people of Tanah Burung are unclear as to the relationship between the Holy Empire, the Archregimancy, and the Dreamed Realm, they might find this (http://ns.goobergunch.net/wiki/index.php/The_Dreamed_Realm) informative.

ooc: Fond memories of being a contender, too. Didn't you dream me some uniforms that time too? At any rate....

Order of the match

The Tanah Burung-Praying2God match was held before a crowd of 1,367 in the shattered wreck of the Cathedral of St. Sebastian in the City of Burung-yang-membueat-dunia. Highlights follow.

All stand for entrances of teams. Processional: I'm Forever Blowing Bubbles

(Priest) In the name of the Father, and of the Son and of the Holy Spirit
(Congregation) Amen.

P: The Grace and Peace of our Lord Jesus Christ and the love of God and the fellowship of the Holy Spirit be with you all.
C: And also with you.
P: Call it.
C: Tails! No, heads!
P: Tails it is. Tanah Burung will kick off.

TB team (omnes): I confess to Almighty God, and to you my brothers and sisters that I have sinned through my own fault in my thoughts and in my words, in what I have done, and in what I have failed to do; and I ask the Blessed Mary, ever Virgin, St Judy ever moist and garrulous, all the angels and saints, and you here present, to pray for me to the Lord our God.

P2G captain (rolling eyes): Lord have mercy.
Congregation: Christ have mercy.

Priest: I think he was being sarcastic.
Congregation: We can't hear you!
(Congregation starts singing)
Glory to St. Judy highest,
and wins to her team here on earth.
Lord God, heavenly King,
almighty God and Father,
we worship you, we give you thanks,
we praise you if we triumph today.
Lord Jesus Christ, only Son of the Father,
Lord God, lamb of God,
you take away the P2G strikers:
have mercy on us;

What's that? O the whistle,
have mercy on us.

Priest: the first reading is from the book of George Best.

From 25 yards out,
he jinked past two defenders,
rounded the ‘keeper,
and rolled it home
as if it was no more
than a meaningless strike in a pre-season friendly.[i]

P2G 1 TB 0

Congregation: Dammit! Thanks be to God.

Priest: the second reading comes from the book of Giggsy.

[i]Surging onto a misplaced pass,
he ran straight at the defence,
leaving defenders trailing his wake
before rounding the 'keeper
and firing high and hard
past him, for God's glory.

P2G 1 TB 1

Congregation: Thanks to be God! And this time we mean it.

Priest: The gospel reading comes from the book of Becks.

Measured at a mighty 57 yards,
It might have been the greatest lob of all time
if it hadn't been done while the ref was off having a pee
and so it went down in the record books as only 34 yards
but that's still pretty good, innit.

P2G 2 TB 1

Congregation: All praise to you Lord Jesus Christ, and maybe you could give us an equalizer, if so maybe we'll even repair the roof of this old deathtrap.

Priest: by popular demand, the homily will be omitted in favour of a halftime show. Get your hotdogs!

Congregation: Hurrah! And also you too.

Priest: alright i will.

Much drunken milling about ensues.

Priest: Roight, that's enough of that you lot. Let us say together the words of our creed.

The congregation recites the Judine creed.

Priest: We are down 2-1. Lord, grant us a better second half.
Congregation: Lord, hear our prayer.
Priest: For we have wandered many years in the wilderness. Lord, grant us a goal.
Congregation: Lord, hear our prayer.
Priest: We remember in particular whoever is our Pope this week, our bishop Francis-Xavier-Aloysius-Marie-Louise-Terry-with-an-Olive-on-Top, and all the angels and saints but especially our patron St. Judy-
Congregation: Woot!
Priest: Silence you lot, and we ask all the sainted dead footballers to pray for us.
Congregation: Lord hear our prayer.

Priest: Blessed are you, Lord, God of all creation. Through your goodness we have this picture torn out of a magazine of Ab Francisco of lblessed memory scoring a goal to offer, which earth has given and human hands have made. It will become for us a real goal scored by our team today.
Congregation: Blessed be Ab forever.

Priest: By the mystery of this water and wine may we come to share in the divinity of Christ, who humbled himself to share in our humanity. Blessed are you, Lord, God of all creation. Through your goodness we have this wine to offer, fruit of the vine and work of human hands. It will become our spiritual drink.
Congregation: We'd rather have a tall cool glass of Stour Lout Ale if it's all the same father.

Priest (whispering): Forgive them their commercialist blasphemy O Lord, but please a goal would be nice, we're all asking wiuth humble and contright hearts.

Pray, brethren, that our sacrifice may be acceptable to God, the almighty Father.

Congregation: May the Lord accept the sacrifice at your hands, for the praise and glory of his name, for a goal, and maybe even a few goals if He's so inclined.

Priest: Lord be with you! What a pass!
Congregation: And also with you, is it onside?
Priest: Lift up your hearts...
Congregation: We lift them up to the Lord...
Priest: Priest! Onside! Let us give thanks to the Lord our God!
Congregation: Yeah! Yeah!

Priest: Oh, what a shot! It's in! OK, fine, you can have Stout Lout.

Congregation: When we see this goal and drink this brewski, we proclaim your death, Lord Jesus, until you come in Glory.

P2G 2 TB 2

All hold hands, cheer, and toast each other in Stout Lout. Whistle.

Priest: The match is ended. Go you in peace to psych up for next week, it's a doozy against Fmjphoenix.

Sarzonia

26-01-2006, 04:13

Stars join chorus of protests

It wasn't supposed to happen like this. After the Sarzonian national football team took a well-deserved break from the World Cup qualifying schedule and with extra time to prepare for a County Islands side they throttled 4-0 at Bryan Marshall Stadium to kick off the World Cup, the odds were slim that they would taste defeat.

There's a reason why they don't play games at the gambler's halls. County Islands rebounded from their embarrassing World Cup XXVI debut and handed the Stars their first loss in seven matches played in World Cup qualifying. Sarzonia (5-1-1) remain in first place in Group 1, but their once solid nine point lead dwindled to three points over the surprising County Islands.

However, the result wasn't what had Coach Barry Owens and the Stars fuming, as much as rumours suggested it contributed to the demolition of the visiting locker room in the County Islands national stadium. Rather, it was the Commerce Heights official working the game that had Owens exorcised.

"I've never seen a worse-officiated game in my entire life," Owens said. "He was nowhere near consistent making calls. In fact, his back pocket looked unnaturally padded. I'm filing bribery charges with the World Cup Committee." Owens also sounded off about a rumoured "arrangement" with the System Karela and Vilitan national teams that allowed them to play "illegal" formations and earn "outlandish" results.

"I'm sick and tired of people slagging on Liverpool England's running of World Cup XXII," Owens said. "Compared to the utter bollocks of this World Cup, that was a charm. I'm going to ask [Incorporated Football Federation Chairman] Terry [Mangione] to petition for Commerce Heights to be relieved of their duties as hosts. This is ridiculous."

Sarzonia face Star Signs at home in their next match with an eye on "unusual measures" of their own. Owens wouldn't commit to anything, but when a reporter suggested asking the Incorporated Sarzonian Government to bar Commerce Heights citizens from Sarzonia, he snapped, "that's a damn good idea if you ask me."

About the only thing Owens would rule out was withdrawing from the tournament.

"They say living well's the best revenge," he said. "If we can win the World Cup in this go, that'll be damn good revenge if you ask me."

Milchama

26-01-2006, 04:35

Chi Sun-Times-Tribune-Domestic-International-Star-News-Today

Sports Section

Milchama get revenge. Crush Rordia 5-2

In one of the most anticipated matches of qualifying so far in WC 26 (yeh hyberbole) the Milchama Warriors crushed the Rordian Tigers 5-2. The game was dominated by the Warriors from start to finish. Coach Jaime Smith said, "We could not have started our second half of qualification any better. Next we have the bye and then the real fun begins as we play Jeruselem in a very important match for our qualification hopes. This next game against the Crusaders could very well be the most important match in Milchamian soccer history. I'm very glad I have the privelege of being coach for this game."
Now before he bores us onto the Match Report:
The Warriors came into the match determined to show the Rordians what a good soccer match was. They showed their anger early when only 92 seconds in Darian Flinters shot past the defense and put a perfect shot up past the keeper and into the net. After that early goal the Warriors seemed to calm down and the game reduced into an annoying and boring stalemate. The stalemate though soon seemed to shift toward the Rordians whose attacks came in greater numbers. Then the Milchamian defense conceded. Striker E came thru the middle and took a high and fast shot that just beat Clay Finton to make it tied at 1. This was not the end of the Rordian attack though. It was almost 2-1 before half time when Striker E found Midfielder Φ wide open and his shot beat Finton but it could not beat the post. The halftime score was 1-1.

Second Half Report:
Coach Smith put the fire again in the Milchamians eyes talking them about the riots after the first Rordian match and the amount of NMSers who died as a result of that poor result. This fired up the Warriors and soon they were dominating the game. Flinters found Marc J. Floren in the middle of the box and his header broke the tie and made it 2-1. Soon after the game became 3-1 when Spot Nielson got a great pass from Antoine Sanchez. Floren then got his second goal soon after when he headed in a corner from J.J. Faren. Faren would also get a goal of his own when Dunston Copperlee found him wide open on the wing and his shot went sailing in for 5-1. The Rordians would get a consolation goal but this game does show how far Milchama has come this qualification campaign.
Final Score:
Rordia 2 (E 34, 84)
Milchama 5 (Flinters 2, Floren 48, 62, Nielson 56, Faren 70)

New Montreal States

26-01-2006, 05:00

PALADINS SWING INTO SECOND HALF

3-1 over Southern Universe "good lead-in" to crucial Clans, Throne match-ups

SOMEWHERE IN THE PALADINS LOCKER ROOM - Your correspondent emerged into a scene of absolute pandemonium as he stumbled into the NMS locker room after their 3-1 victory to sweep the series against Southern Universe. At the center of it all was the shy, retiring person of reserve midfielder Jaqcues Danville.

Shy and retiring no more, after a key second-half goal, followed by a third at 71 minutes to ice it, led the Paladins to their triumph.

Danville, on dominating the second half, had this to say: "Luck, pretty much."

Although it might have all been luck, the cut from "the arse end of nowhere," as forward Chretien Girouard put it, that set up his shot for the second goal showed not so much luck as talent. His first goal, however. although a mere header on a shot off the crossbar, showed, at least, an aptitude for positioning that most of us, your correspondent included, would find much easier while seated on a barstool rather than on the pitch.

"Besides," said manager William Branstone, "wasn't it Keats who said that some people have greatness thrust upon them?" Upon being informed that it was Shakespeare, he replied, "Ah, hell, they're all dead white men, anyway."

On less literary concerns, Branstone stated: "This was a good lead-in. Both the Golden Throne and the Allied States are out for blood, especially the Clans. They'll be rested and raring to go to knock us down and take our spot."

Alasdair I Frosticus

26-01-2006, 05:14

HOLY EMPIRE HERALD

HEFA OFFER TO PLAY OUT POPULARFREEDOM FIXTURES
Suggest Use of 'Dream Simulacra' Technology to Recreate Withdrawn Squad

By Constantine Ducaso
Archregimancy Correspondent

The Holy Empire Football Association today offered the use of its Dream Simulacra technology to enable the World Cup organisers to play out the remainder of PopularFreedom's fixtures without recourse to further forfeits.

"Look, we can recreate an entire squad using this technology" said a senior HEFA official, speaking on condition of anonymity. "We successfully used it in the last Cup of Harmony with our own squad, and were going to use it in this World Cup for the Holy Empire before our squad was withdrawn from the tournament. It works. We can do it. We think this is potentially a better way forward than simply awarding a forfeit every matchday"

HEFA officials are believed to be confident that they can use the technology in this particular case after closely studying footage from the Archregimancy - PopularFreedom match and other Region 11 matches involving the withdrawn squad. The team would be PopularFreedom for all practical purposes, playing in the same style, with the same players, with the sole difference being that the squad would not, technically, be real.

Further details have been leaked on the specifics of this unusual offer. The proposed dream simulacra squad would have the same ranking as PopularFreedom; however, no ranking points would be accrued by this simulated team for either PopularFreedom or the Holy Empire. Furthermore, no bonuses would be earned for the simulated team through the arcane art known to ordinary reality as 'roleplaying'.

Some neutral sources are said to be fascinated by the idea, and have noted two existing precedents, one of them dating all the way back to World Cup 2. "While there is no precedent for simulating another nation's team" said Dr. Alexius Lascaro, Chair of Pontification at the University of Alasdairopolis, "there is the precedent of fielding a team of simulacra at the last Cup of Harmony, and the precedent of _assisting_ another team through dreams in World Cup 2 when the Holy Empire dreamed football kits into existence for the impoverished nation of Tanah Burung. Why not take those two precedents together and assist the whole World Cup by dreaming an entire team into existence? Wacky - but why not?"

Others are said to be sceptical. At least one official is believed to have objected that this proposal would unfairly benefit the Archregimancy as the latter nation has already gained a 3-0 forfeit victory against PopularFreedom. "Yeah, so what" said a senior archimandrite from the Archregimancy, "given the close relationship between our two nations, everyone would have expected the Holy Empire simulacra to throw their match against us anyway, especially since it's Archregimancy monks that'll have to dream the simulacra into existence in the first place. Not that we'd cheat. God forbid. It just wouldn't have looked good."

How the wider footballing community will react to this proposal, however, is anyone's guess.

The Kazoo Peoples

26-01-2006, 05:45

It was pretty boring today in Kazoo City today, as a nil-nil draw bored fans, and the television drama Found, the story how a plane crash's survivors get rescued, actually exceeded the television ratings in the 9:00-10:00 primetime slot (the slot in which the second half of the Kazoo Peoples-Casari game coincided).

"We didn't play our best today. Which is not to underestimate Casari -- they are a top 32 team, and they showed it today," Coach Manni Aka said after the match.

The attendence of the match by the end of the game, originally pegged at 94,019 at the beginning of the game, was estimated to have fallen to 32,000 at the half.

Chuck Norris, seen leaving the game right before the half, was asked why he was leaving.

"If I leave now, and take a taxi to my apartment downtown, I might be able to catch Found before it starts!"

"Um, Chuck, do you have a VCR?"

"Yes."

"Then why didn't you program it to tape it for you?"

"I don't know how to do that -- the damn time on the VCR is still blinking! I don't know how to use anything."

Upon hearing this, the Kazoo Peoples government announced that they would fund a series of clinics about how to use complex devices. "Stop the blinking of your VCR," "Setting your alarm clock," and "How to send an e-mail," to name a few topics.

Because all teams in Group 6 drew today (besides Hiiraan, who was on bye), the Kazoos moved up rank, but everyone else basically stayed the same.

---
Crisis resolved; PopularFreedom to forfeit remaining games 3-0

The great nation of Commerce Heights announced that "all matches involving PopularFreedom in the second half of qualifying will become 3–0 forfeit wins for the opponent, each of which will give PopularFreedom −3 points."

Donald McRonald had this to say: "So, PF could end up with negative points? That's terrible! But it does make sense that their world rank will go down after withdrawing. Those poor sports!" [[OOC: Just kidding!]]

"Negative points. Who would have thought this up?"

Oddly enough, Krytenia had an answer:

"Believe it or not, there is a precedent for this. Waaay back in WC16, a nation called 'The Water Cooler' withdrew halfway through the cup."

Um, okay.
---
Qualifying Schedule (UPDATED THROUGH MD8)

Matchday 1:

HOME AWAY
Turori 4:0 Rolatia
Casari 1:0 The Kazoo Peoples
Yafor 2 2:1 Swilatia

Hiiraan does not play

Matchday 2:

HOME AWAY
The Kazoo Peoples 1:1 Turori
Swilatia 1:1 Casari
Hiiraan 1:0 Rolatia

Yafor 2 does not play

Matchday 3:

HOME AWAY
Turori 3:3 Swilatia
Casari 1:1 Yafor 2
The Kazoo Peoples 3:1 Hiiraan

Rolatia does not play

Matchday 4:

HOME AWAY
Casari 1:1 Turori
Hiiraan 3:2 Yafor 2
Rolatia 0:0 Swilatia

The Kazoo Peoples does not play

Matchday 5:

HOME AWAY
Hiiraan 5:2 Turori
Rolatia 0:2 Casari
The Kazoo Peoples 1:1 Yafor 2

Swilatia does not play

Matchday 6:

HOME AWAY
Turori 0:0 Yafor 2
Swilatia 4:1 Hiiraan
The Kazoo Peoples 2:2 Rolatia

Casari does not play

Matchday 7:

HOME AWAY
Casari 5:3 Hiiraan
Yafor 2 1:1 Rolatia
Swilatia 0:3 The Kazoo Peoples

Turori does not play

Matchday 8:

AWAY HOME
Turori 1:1 Rolatia
Casari 0:0 The Kazoo Peoples
Yafor 2 0:0 Swilatia

Hiiraan does not play

Matchday 9:

AWAY HOME
The Kazoo Peoples v Turori
Swilatia v Casari
Hiiraan v Rolatia

Yafor 2 does not play

Matchday 10:

AWAY HOME
Turori v Swilatia
Casari v Yafor 2
The Kazoo Peoples v Hiiraan

Rolatia does not play

Matchday 11:

AWAY HOME
Casari v Turori
Hiiraan v Yafor 2
Rolatia v Swilatia

The Kazoo Peoples do not play a World Cup 26 game today,
but they have a friendly:
Schiavonia at Kazoo Peoples, Kazoo City Kola Stadium

Matchday 12:

AWAY HOME
Hiiraan v Turori
Rolatia v Casari
The Kazoo Peoples v Yafor 2

Swilatia does not play

Matchday 13:

AWAY HOME
Turori v Yafor 2
Swilatia v Hiiraan
The Kazoo Peoples v Rolatia

Casari does not play

Matchday 14:

AWAY HOME
Casari v Hiiraan
Yafor 2 v Rolatia
Swilatia v The Kazoo Peoples

Turori does not play

Kazoos progress in WC26

MD1: loss to Casari 1-0, away
MD2: draw with Turori 1-1, home
MD3: win over Hiiraan 3-1, home
MD4: OFF
MD5: draw with Yafor 2 1-1, home
MD6: draw with Rolatia 2-2, home
MD7: win over Swilatia 3-0, away
---
MD8: draw with Casari 0-0, home
MD9: Turori, away
MD10: Hiiraan, away
MD11: Friendly: Schiavonia, home
MD12: Yafor 2, away
MD13: Rolatia, away
MD14: Swilatia, home

Region 6 Pts W D L GF:GA GD
1. Casari 13 3 4 0 11:6 5
2. The Kazoo Peoples 10 2 4 1 10:6 4
3. Hiiraan 9 3 0 3 14:16 -2
4. Turori 8 1 5 1 12:11 1
5. Yafor 2 8 1 5 1 7:7 0
6. Swilatia 7 1 4 2 9:10 -1
7. Rolatia 4 0 4 3 4:11 -7

Fmjphoenix

26-01-2006, 10:10

Two wins offset loss against Praying2God, Fmjphoenix still tops Group 14

With four matchdays in the record books, Fmjphoenix still sits on top of Group 14 with 18 points, four points ahead of second place Bettia. So far the Vikings qualification success can be attributed to one man, Mike Nolan. During the last three matches, Nolan scored another 5 goals to increase his team leading total to 15. Here is a quick rundown of the past few matches.

Fmjphoenix 4 - Basicota 1
Mike Nolan went on a tear in the second half, putting all four Viking goals past the Basicotan keeper in the second half to offset a suprise goal in the first half that gave Basicota a 1-0 lead at the end of the first half. Coach James Wash was completely amazed with Nolan progression from World Cup 25 to 26.

"Mike has taken his game and stepped it up big time. He is leading this team in the locker room then going out onto the pitch and showing what he says. He has enough heart to make this team soar. It is a pleasure to have him leading this team."

Fmjphoenix 0 - Praying2God 2
In a suprise effort, Praying2God shut out the Vikings for the first time in the qualifiers and prevented the Vikings from taking a major jump in the standings. It was not a greatly played match by the Vikings, as the Praying2God defence had it in for the Vikings strikers, not allowing a good shot all match. Despite the loss, the Vikings still stayed on top of the group.

Fmjphoenix 4 - Tanah Burung 1
Mike Nolan scored his 15th goal of the World Cup qualifers, and the rest of the Vikings forwards got a goal along with Andrew Jenkins in the second half and the Vikings walked all over Tanah Burung for their second win against TB. Brian Dougood and Siieranu Ijanaeil each scored a goal as Fmjphoenix bounced back from their loss against Praying2God. Next up for the Vikings is The Ardenne who Fmjphoenix beat 2-1 in the away match.

Fmjphoenix Vikings World Cup 26 Qualification
MD01: Fmjphoenix vs Tanah Burung 2-0
MD02: Fmjphoenix @ The Ardenne 2-1
MD03: Fmjphoenix vs Da WhoseLine People 3-2
MD04: Fmjphoenix @ Bettia 6-1
MD05: Fmjphoenix @ Basicota 4-1
MD06: Fmjphoenix vs Praying2God 0-2
MD07: Fmjphoenix -=BYE=-
MD08: Fmjphoenix @ Tanah Burung 4-1
MD09: Fmjphoenix vs The Ardenne ?-?
MD10: Fmjphoenix @ Da WhoseLine People ?-?
MD11: Fmjphoenix vs Bettia ?-?
MD12: Fmjphoenix vs Basicota ?-?
MD13: Fmjphoenix @ Praying2God ?-?
MD14: Fmjphoenix -=BYE=-
Record: 6-0-1

Viking Goalscorers:
M. Nolan - 15
B. Dougood - 3
S. Ijanaeil - 2
A. Jenkins - 1

Cuation

26-01-2006, 10:37

Cuation sink without trace

In the last three games, we have not scored and lost each one 1-0. Not much seems tob be wrong but now Cuation have given up hope of qualfying, instead going for keeping fourth place. This break may be a time to work out how to score before they face a good Kaze Progressa side.

The Kudlastan game was scrappy with the goal coming when a striker deflected a cross through Gary Jen's hands. Cuation created a few chances but sub Rual Mendiz missed them all as his confidence drained.

Pastorville bottom

A superoir team to Cuation, they have a hard group but still, such poor form is suprising. No doubt they will soon pull out of this and climb up the rankings once they turn thier draws into wins.

Praying2God drop out

Tghe hosts and third place finishers of the last Cup of Harmony have pulled out in a world cup that is set to be full of suprises. We regret that such a team felt that it was time to leave the international football stage and wish them luck in their future endevours.

New Manhattan

26-01-2006, 10:45

The Iñaki residence, near Prontera, Chorion

Television: —and, with that news, shares of TechConGroup plummeted 5% today, bringing the Aeropag Amalgamated Index to a close of 437 813.95, the lowest recorded value this year. Traders on Skegoniell Avenue were concerned by the sudden fall, but are confident that the market will recover from this downturn within the coming weeks.

And now, with a look at news from across the multiverse, here’s 안소사 (An So-sa):

Thank you. We’ll start our coverge of interdimensional news with a trip to the Dreamed Realm, the strange place in which the obscure nations of Alasdair I Frosticus and The Archregimancy…uh…sort of exist. Alasdair I Frosticus has recently raised concerns over the Capitalizt response to PopularFreedom’s withdraw from the qualifying stages of the upcoming World Cup. The initial decision was to award each of PopularFreedom’s opponets a forfeit win, but it has recently been discovered that it is possible for various entities in the Realm to “dream” a replica of the PopularFreedom team into existence, letting matches go on as if nothing has happened. A few nations have expressed str—click

Paul Iñaki, head coach of the Capitalizt national team, quickly grabs his telephone and calls Brad Liang, CEO of Capitalizt SLANI.

Liang: This is Capitalizt SLANI, Liang speaking.

Iñaki: Hi Brad, it’s me, Paul.

Liang: Ah, hi Paul! What’s this about?

Iñaki: I just heard something on the news about some figment of someone’s imagination dreaming about a new PopularFreedom team, or something else equally confusing.

Liang: Yeah, I’ve heard about it. It’s quite a mess…

Iñaki: So, what are we going to do to resolve the situation?

Liang: You mean, what am I going to do to resolve the situation? Your opinion is appreciated, but it matters less than a Ακηλαϊκά (Akelaïká) nuke.

Iñaki: With all due respect, Mr. CEO—

Liang: With no due respect, Paul, the decision’s been made. There’s no sense in giving these dreamers an advantage over Bedistan and our other allies when we already have a fair solution. Can I do my job now?

Iñaki: But Brad, haven’t you consid—

Liang: Go buy some stocks, or start a crime ring in the name of helping the poor, or do some other slani thing to get off this phone. Goodbye.

Liang hangs up on the call.

(OOC: I should probably get some sleep now—I’ll try to write an official response to AIF tomorrow, but if I don’t, just pretend I did :p )

Nedalia

26-01-2006, 12:13

The Nedalia Lions

Jeruselem; Nedalia's New Heroes?

KAFRA, NEDALIA - The latest TV viewing numbers coming out of Nedalia have the Lions stunned; in the latest matchup, more people tuned in to watch Jeruselem defeat Artoonia 2-1 in a tightly contested away match than they did for the Lions defeating Bazalonia in the same scoreline, in the same circumstances. While Jeruselem and Bettia matches have always been popular with the Nedalian fans, its the first time that another team has overtaken the Lions in the ranking, considering how football crazed and patriotic Nedalians are. The answer seems to lie not with a lack of a support, but with the fact that the Lions, according to the general public, don't really have a chance of making it to this upcoming World Cup.

The Lions, which had faced 2 straight defeats before barely squeaking by Bazalonia, has done nothing to prove their loyal following wrong; there is already talk that there will be a new head coach after the end of the campaign. Superstars such as Tim James, who hit a brace in the last match, have been inconsistent, and the defense has taken a turn for the worse. It would appear to be the end of the road for a team that was considered perennial over-achievers, of all things, not so long ago.

Apologetic Kittens

26-01-2006, 12:29

Another Draw Moves Kittens Off Bottom

The Kittens twice lost the lead against Kericia, and signs are that Alington will be replaced for the remaining matches, by the 17 year old wonder-goalie.

One-nil up at half time and cruising, it looked as if the Kittens were finally showing the form they did at the BoF, but it wasn't to be as Kericia pegged them back on the hour.

"It wasn't that they scored, it's that they scored because we had stopped taking the game seriously" was all that could be said afterward.

But the Kittens soon fought back control, and snatched back a lead with just 12 minutes remaining. And this time the Kittens were not content to cruise. But Kericia attacked relentlessly, but the defence was always there. Then a late was punched by Alington, into his own net. He could have caught it, and there is no excuse for the mistake.

"I tried showing off, and at this level you can't do that unless you're one of the best keepers in the world, and I'm not. I can only apologise."

Tanah Burung

26-01-2006, 12:44

Praying2God drop out

Tghe hosts and third place finishers of the last Cup of Harmony have pulled out in a world cup that is set to be full of suprises. We regret that such a team felt that it was time to leave the international football stage and wish them luck in their future endevours.

ooc: Sorry to be stupid but when did that happen?

Consigned to Purgatory: M. Nolan

"I consign thee to purgatory. I consign thee to purgatory. I consign thee to purgatory." With those words Auxiliary Bishop Hamish Famish added three centuries to the time in purgatory ordained to Fmjphoenix star Mike Nolan.

Nolan, who notched his 15th goal in an easy 4-1 waltz over Tanah Burung played in the national stadium in Ukun Rasikan City, has angered Burungi fans with his stellar play, his good sportsmanship, and his all-round excellence as a footballer.

"There's no reason we should put up with that crap," the bishop said. "No reason at all. The man didn't even bother to endorse his favourite beer while enjoying our country's hospitality."

Fmjphoenix has already taken a firm hold on one of the qualifying spots. Tanah Burung, to put it mildly, has not. Some might say this is no surprise, but the drunken louts who pass for fans in this country beg to differ. Actually they don't beg, they just differ.

Rumour has it that Salome Ruak scored the only Burungi goal in the latest match, but everyone was too busy throwing rotting hops at the team to take much notice.

Asked whether he actually had the power to consign anyone to purgatory, which church doctrine says may not exist after all, sorry for all the confusion about indulgences and all that, but wasn't that John Paul a fine man and pay no attention to that vampire running the show now... Um, asked if he had that power, the bishop said merely. "Hey, nihil obstat, you jerk."

http://www.tjfinan.com/Elphin/seal.jpg

Endorsed by the diocese of Stella Artois, 7 Merdekuari 1354

Ariddia

26-01-2006, 12:57

Ariddia drops two places

“Welcome, to the Arctic National Stadium, for the match between Ariddia and Tonissia! I’m Michel Janvier, and with me is Nathaniel Wu, and we’re live from the Ariddian Arctic Islands, where neither of us had ever been before.”

WU: “And if you’re wondering why you’d never heard of us, that’s because nobody else but us volunteered to come here and have our buttocks frozen to the chair. I don’t even want to know *what* the temperature is out there, but I’d very much like to know whose idea it was to hold a football much on outflung islands encased in a literally frozen Arctic Ocean!”

JANVIER: “Well, never mind that. It should be an interesting match. On the away leg, Tonissia beat Ariddia by four goals to nil, so we’ll be looking to even that score. And the Ariddian supporters here in the stadium are very worked up and excited.”

WU: “By the way, that annoyingly loud whir you can no doubt hear in the background is our portable radiator. We’re using it to try and unthaw.”

JANVIER: “Uhm, yes. Anyway. . . Before the match begins, why don’t we go back on what’s been one of the main sports events in Ariddia recently? The game between the Anathematic Republics and the Archregimancy.”

WU: “Quite. Asked about it afterwards, spectators apparently described it as ‘weird, but exciting’. I think that sums it up quite well.”

JANVIER: “And yet there was only one goal scored.”

WU: “But many memorable moments. Including the sight of a group of ortho- pardon me, Orthodox monks. . . or priests. . . or whatever they call themselves, running around trying to keep the ball against a bunch of demonic beings sprung from the bowels of Hell. Ariddians aren’t really into religious stuff usually, but this was fascinating.”

JANVIER: “And the public’s favourite moment?”

WU: “Strangely enough, it wasn’t something that happened on the field. If we look at this replay. . . There. The Anathematic Republics’ cheerleading squad, the Whores of Babylon, trying to. . . uhm. . . provoke a reaction out of the Archregimancy’s bench players, who had been wisely blindfolded in preparation for such fiendish tricks.”

JANVIER: “My, look at the swing of their –”

WU: “Uhm, Michel?”

JANVIER: “Yes?”

WU: “They’re demons. They’re *trying* to tempt you.”

JANVIER: “So? I don’t mind being tempted. Speaking of which, I’ve been wondering. Assuming Ariddia hosts the Archregimancy’s home match against the squad from Hell, does that mean they’ll be reciting their full divine liturgy? All two hours of it?”

WU: “Oh, Hell. I mean, sorry. . . Wait. . . How’s that even remotely linked to temptation?”

JANVIER: “It’s not. That’s my point.”

WU: “Ah. Well, I’ve been worrying- I mean, *wondering* about that too, and from what I’ve heard, the AFA is considering warning ticket-buyers about it, so they can arrive in the stadium two hours late, just in time for the match itself. Of course, they’ll be *encouraged* to arrive on time. Out of respect for our visitors, and all that.”

JANVIER: “Quite. Anyway, it seems as if something is happening here in the Arctic National Stadium. The teams are entering the field. Hmm, that grass looks almost white.”

WU: “Of course; it’s completely frosted over.”

JANVIER: “I’m just glad I’m not down there. It’s cold as hell out there. If you’ll forgive the simile.”

WU: “Well, I don’t know whether any of our players are religious, but surely standing outdoors for ninety minutes at sub-zero temperatures, with bare legs, is enough penitence for any sin any of them may ever have committed.”

JANVIER: “Perhaps. Anyway, quiet now, as we listen to the national anthems. . .”

Later…

JANVIER: “And we’re joined now by Frédéric Clément. Frédéric, how are you? Not too frozen?”

CLEMENT: “I’ve had time to warm up a little. That’s why I didn’t come straight here.”

JANVIER: “We were feeling really sorry for you all. The cold, I mean. Anyway. . . 1-4. Not what you’d expected?”

CLEMENT: “We weren’t *expecting* anything, really. Hoping, yes. But we gave it our best, and that wasn’t enough. Despite E [Lel] scoring an impressive goal.”

WU: “I don’t suppose you’ve had a chance to look at the rank charts yet.”

Region 10 Pts W D L GF:GA GD
1. Audioslavia 14 4 2 1 15:8 7
2. Tonissia 13 4 1 2 16:11 5
3. Legalese 8 2 2 3 16:14 2
4. Thergo 8 2 2 3 14:15 -1
5. Lovisa 8 2 2 3 11:14 -3
6. Ariddia 8 2 2 3 16:22 -6
7. Havl 7 2 1 3 7:11 -4

WU: “As you can see, Ariddia has dropped from fourth place to sixth.”

CLEMENT: “Well, things can change quickly in football. It’s all far from over. We’ll finish higher up than that.”

WU: “Still hoping the qualify?”

CLEMENT: *grinning* “Of course!”

JANVIER: “At the end of match day seven, Ariddia was in second place for teams with most goals scored against. Only Fbrenia had conceded more.”

CLEMENT: “Yes, I know. That doesn’t reflect on Sandrine, though, or on any of our players. It’s just our style of play. We play a very attack-focused style, and that gives our opponents a lot of opportunities. We’re not doing too badly, though. And as we get better at this, I think our tactics will become a real asset.”

JANVIER: “Well, good look to you. This has been Nathaniel Wu, Frédéric Clément and Michel Janvier, in the Ariddian Arctic Islands. Rêvane, over to you!”

Tadjikistan

26-01-2006, 13:05

what a way to come back
Tadjiks begin second round with a loss

Race city, the team the Tigers brushed aside so easily on matchday one where now 'a bridge(or team) to far'. The Tadjiks couldnt impress the Race city in their own nation and allowed the host to take complete control of the game. At the end of the first half, Race city scored the only goal, which the Tadjiks never recovered from.

Michael Pliiev tried to explain his teams failure :'I believe we were a bit too confident about our own chances of succes and most of us probably thought it would be easy. In the past we have all learned this is not true, teams often improve and learn from their losses, as did Race City. We failed miserably, they deserved to win, thats all.'

In the meantime, Jeruselem and Milchama both took advantage of Tadjikistans loss in Race City. Jeruselem beat Artoonia with 1-2 while Milchama chewed up Rordia. Jeruselem has 15 points now, only one less than Tadjikistan, Milchama remains at a safe distance with 12 points.

Especially for that first position, the next match of the Tadjiks, against Artoonia will be crucial. During matchday two, the Artoonians managed to tie to the Tigers and will probably seek more of the same, but the Tadjik Tigers will be looking for a revenge for that and their loss here against Race City, everyone expects a battle in which both teams will go for three points.

Race City -1
unknown player
Tadjikistan -0
none!

Region 15 Pts W D L GF:GA GD
1. Tadjikistan 16 5 1 1 20:6 14
2. Jeruselem 15 5 0 2 21:16 5
3. Milchama 12 4 0 3 19:19 0
4. Race City 7 2 1 4 9:13 -4
5. Rordia 7 2 1 4 16:21 -5 (head-to-head)
6. Artoonia 7 2 1 4 8:13 -5 (head-to-head)
7. McPsychoville 6 2 0 4 12:17 -5

Fixtures:
MD1: Tadjikistan - Race City W 3-0
MD2: Artoonia - Tadjikistan D 1-1
MD3: Tadjikistan - Rordia W 3-1
MD4: Jeruselem - Tadjikistan W 2-5
MD5: McPsychoville - Tadjikistan W 0-4
MD6: Tadjikistan - Milchama W 4-1
MD7: /
MD8: Race City - Tadjikistan L 1-0
MD9: Tadjikistan - Artoonia
MD10:Rordia - Tadjikistan
MD11:Tadjikistan - Jeruselem
MD12:Tadjikistan - McPsychoville
MD13:Milchama - Tadjikistan
MD14:/

Tadjik goalscorers:
Salenko - 7
Saradov - 4
Zuhurov - 3
Pliiev - 2
Ashurov - 1
Kornilov - 1
Mirdan - 1
Gurchev - 1

Giant Zucchini

26-01-2006, 15:15

Another Own Goal!
Episode 6: Overturned Fortunes

Let’s cut straight to the commentary shall we…

“…and Zebedee’s second has put Elrich in front for the past 15 minutes or so but the Zucchinis not giving up, attacking in numbers here, will they grab a dramatic equalizer in the dying moments of this match? Poulsen, puts in a good cross, Nuvolari has collided with Burns but RILKE’S HEAD MEETS IT, IT’S GOING IN…CLEARED OFF THE LINE BY SPINKS…We’ll be watching that again I’m sure, it looked like the ball crossed the line before Peter volleyed it away, but here is Glinka who meets it with a sweet volley but palmed away by Burns right into the path of Nuvolari WHO MUST SCORE FROM HERE BURNS IS STILL ON THE FLOOR FROM THAT LAST SAVE…OH DEAR ME, HE BLEW IT OVER THE BAR! He clutches his head in despair, right in the final moments of this important match. It won’t do, that miss, he was in a fantastic position with the keeper down from that last save and he managed to blow it over from barely 6 yards out. He definitely should have doubled his tally there. But we’ll have a look at that goal-line incident with Peter Spinks, oh, and that definitely did not cross the line, good call by the linesman…and the final whistle has blown to a frustrating end to Gorton and his team. No doubt, Elrich played some good football but the headlines will be hogged by that inexplicable miss by Dino Nuvolari…”

To be continued…

Giant Zucchini’s Department of Number Crunching and Data Spewing presents:

Match stats:

Giant Zucchini - 2
Bardi (60), Nuvolari (65)

Elrich - 3
Elrich (38), Zebedee (46, 72)

Giant Zucchini stats:

Top Goalscorers:
Johann Rilke – 4
Absamat Chekhov – 2
Armand Boyer – 1
Mikhail Glinka – 1
Gottlieb Poulsen – 1
Arturo Bardi – 1
Dino Nuvolari - 1

Yellow Cards:
Dino Nuvolari – 1
Domingo Ferrero – 1
Armand Boyer – 1
Gottlieb Poulsen – 1

Red Cards:
Mikhail Glinka – 1

Majeristan

26-01-2006, 15:30

Falcons, Sharks can't win slugfest

TIKIRA -- Playing a 1-1 draw away to the world's 18th ranked side in their World Cup debut could be viewed as a fluke result for the Majeristani national football team. Playing the same team in jam packed National Stadium in Tikira and earning a 3-3 result after trailing the match 3-0 seemingly marks the continuation of a surprising trend: These Falcons can play some football.

"We're not happy with the way our defence looked," Coach Hatime I Ra~e said after the match. "We had to play more hetaki than we wanted. Defence was abysmali." In the aftermath of the shootout at National Stadium, Ra~e may have a goalkeeper controversy on his hands after he pulled Khari Hasenjafi in the 52nd minute after Oaker made the score 0:3.

"He did not play well," Ra~e said of Hasenjafi. "We needed to get Hicham [Elkayim, the reserve goalkeeper] some experience, but we also need to get consistent goalkeeping from the man we put in there." Ra~e said Elkayim would start the away match against One Red Dot.

"We're going to go back to the drawing board a bit," Ra~e said. "I think that's how you say that."

Hasenjafi refused to comment after the announcement, but defender Bartolomeo Mustafa said Hasenjafi was "livid."

"He didn't play well, but he's been solid the entire World Cup qualifying schedule so far," Mustafa said. "Having said that, I don't know if [late coach Avid] Mashoda would have done that, at least not the way Ra~e did." Midfielder Joe Taylor said Ra~e "told Hasenjafi in front of the entire team as if he was singling him out."

The two will meet the day after the Falcons (3-3-1, tied for second place due to goal differential and head to head results) travel to One Red Dot in the secondary school that will serve as the training facility for Majeristan's players. The team are level on points with Oaker and One Red Dot, but the Sharks have a better goal differential than either Majeristan or One Red Dot.

"They need to get things squared away," Taylor said. "We don't need the distraction." With the team still in qualifying position in their debut World Cup, any distraction could be fatal.

Andossa Se Mitrin Vega

26-01-2006, 15:48

Sea Dragons Continue Surge!

This is Kellan Kildan of the ASMV Football News Network

Despite being one of the many squads disenfranchised with the officiating of this World Cup, ASMV continued to roll today beating Lethislavania 1-0 and closing the gap behind Denhy to two points. Spruitland reamined 3 points ahead (and moved into second in Group 3) of the Sea Dragons by virtue of their own victory.

That brings the next game into the realm of "huge matches". ASMV square off with Spruitland. A win in this one combined with a Denhy loss or draw would move the Sea Dragons up to share the coveted 2nd qualification spot for the Grouping.

The match against Lethislavania proved to be a defensive one with the only goal being scored by Pablo Iglesias in the 65th minute. Everyone around the squad hope that they can show more of their recent defensive power when they take the pitch against the Spruitland Wabbits, in what could be the biggest match in ASMV history.

Schiavonia

26-01-2006, 16:01

The Schiavone Scribe
KAZE PROGRESSING
Schiavonia 2-2 Kaze Progressa

At last, it seems, Kaze Progressa are starting to get their act together.

Bad news for everyone in Group Four, starting with the Sloths on Matchday 8.

It seems as if the invation, and now futile defence, of FIFA, has brought the nations of not just FIFA, but the football world together. Where else would this be more evident than in the crowd of a game between two FIFA teams?

People from all over the world congregated at the King Francesco Stadium in Kingsbury for this game, which quite fittingly ended in a draw.

For many in the stadium, the game was just an excuse to unite, but for the Progressans and Schiavones in the crowd, there was still more to it than that. Schiavonia wanted to maintain their qualification push against the second best-ranked team in the group, while the visitors desperately needed some inspiration.

And inspiration they got. Despite fielding the same eleven players that faced the Sloths on Matchday One, they seemed a different team.

The pressure the Progressans put onto the home team in the first half was unbarable, as Nonbi Olog twice went close before finally scoring a looping header over Ben Kershaw from Quinzu Nubi-Jatayop's angled cross.

Then, just as they did in Kudlastan, the Sloths scored two against the run of play. Kenny Snaderson free kick, Gary Topp penalty after a dubious handball against Bizjiv Ezkinsaay, somehow the home team were two-one to the good.

Of course, it didn't last, and before the interval, Jaulinta Lazitobilara scored a magnificent team goal, ending a run of thirteen passes with a shot between the lags of Kershaw.

As for the second half - bit of a non-event, really. The atmosphere took a hold, and the players on both sides seemed less than fussed (though Olog did hit the post towards the end).

Elsewhere in the group, Rejistania could only manage a draw in Pyrologists911 as the stress of what was going on back home most probably got to them, while Kudlastan closed the gap to the Sloths to two points by beating Cuation.

"Still," manager Rodney Lowe said afterwards, "We've just about got our region back thanks to all these helpers. We hope that you all enjoyed today's game, and a huge thank you from everyone in Schiavonia, Kaze Progressa and all across FIFA!"

Ratings
Schiavonia: KERSHAW 8; O'Kane 7, Park 7, Marsden 7, Smith 7; Sanderson 7, Jones 6, Weir 6; Topp 6, McAndrew 7, Tarmey 6.
Kaze Progressa: Hetujuk 7; Zair 7, Ezkinsaay 7, Barkain 7, Catirac 7; Sajazkerev 6; Bytor 8, Tiakosuv 8; Nubi-Jatayop 8; Jazitobilara 7, OLOG 9.

Final score
Kaze Progressa 2 (Olob 21, Jazitobilara 43)
Schiavonia 2 (Sanderson 29, Topp pen 37)

Group 4 Pl W D L F A Pts GD
1. Rejistania 7 6 1 0 10 1 19 +9
2. Schiavonia 7 4 2 1 17 12 14 +5
3. Kudlastan 7 4 0 3 5 5 12 0
4. Cuation 7 2 2 3 9 7 8 +2
5. Pyrologists911 7 1 2 4 4 9 5 -5
6. Kaze Progressa 7 1 2 4 10 16 5 -6
7. Alexandrian Ptolemais 6 0 3 3 2 7 3 -5

Sarzonia

26-01-2006, 16:09

http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v419/msarzo/GreatSeal.jpg
Department of Health and Athletics
Official Statement
Incorporated Sarzonian Government

It is with regret that I wade into an arena normally reserved for the practitioners of sport; however, based on the widespread accusations of corruption on the part of the current World Cup hosts, I am left with no choice. Based on the repeated assertions of biased officiating and the rumours of both a "bait and switch" with the rules involved in conducting the World Cup, my government hereby petitions to have the nation of Commerce Heights removed as World Cup hosts and replaced with a nation whose reputation is not sullied by such accusations.

We note that the Incorporated Football Federation did not vote in favour of the ultimately winning host bid by Commerce Heights and Oliverry; however, this is far from being a case of sour grapes. Were these accusations not so widespread, I doubt I would even be writing this letter. However, when not one but several countries are complaining, including those with the best records in the game, it is painfully clear that the system is broken.

I am not in a position to predict what the IFF will do, nor would I try. I am also not able to dictate policy to the World Cup or even to the IFF. However, I can tell you that simply giving our concerns and those of other nations in this World Cup tournament shrift will have unforeseen and dire consequences.

Jimmy Marshall
Vice President for Health and Athletics
Incorporated States of Sarzonia

Rordia

26-01-2006, 16:57

RORDIA LOSING GROUND

Rordia have slipped further down their World Cup qualifying group table after a 5-2 loss to Milchama.
The Tigers (manager Neil van der Wal has banned the old Ballerinas nickname) put up a good fight, but could not repeat their shock 6-3 defeat of the Warriors earlier this campaign. They are now 5th in Group 15 with seven points.
Tim Brick scored in the 34th and 84th minute to take his goal tally for this campaign to nine. 18-year-old debutant Darius van der Wal, who is in no way related to manager Neil, impressed for the Rordians. He very nearly scored late on, but his shot was somehow stopped by Milchama's goalkeeper.
Neil van der Wal said: "They say revenge is a dish best served cold. Milchama got their revenge on us, and they really deserved this win. But I'm proud of my players.
"Next up, we've got Jeruselem. They're really doing well, but I am confident that my players can give them a good game."

Cuation

26-01-2006, 17:17

ooc: Sorry to be stupid but when did that happen?

OC: Before the last match was done, thus the two scores for Praying2God. Have a look in the discussion thread

Casari

26-01-2006, 17:19

http://i16.photobucket.com/albums/b20/Casari/4sport.png

Just kill us now.
Please?

This more or less explains it all.

Group 6
Rolatia 1 - Turori 1
The Kazoo Peoples 0 - Casari 0
Swilatia 0 - Yafor 2 0

Out of 270 minutes of Soccer, 2 goals were scored.

"I'll admit, I wanted to throw up a little bit when I saw all the scores together." Coach Hill said, still looking a little ill. "Then again, that mught have just been caused by our total failure as a team. We were creating pressure all over the pitch, but it just wasn't going us any good. Their defense was on crack or something."

In the group standings, noone other than Hiiraan took a hit as the Kazoo Peoples passed them up with their single point. Otherwise, all the margins in the group are exactly the same.

"This firking slanis. They better score some goals when they come back, otherwise it's going to be harder to skip work to see them play." A random fan said at one of the nation's bars. When he was asked if he would skip work, however, the response was more favorable.

"Well, of course I would. Just because it's harder to doesn't mean I'll stop."

It's estimated by the Ministry of Labor that at almost 28 billion workhours have been lost this qualification campaign, as almost 500 million have taken the day off either to watch the game, or because everyone else was taking it off and they didn't want to be left out.

Elrich

26-01-2006, 19:02

http://i21.photobucket.com/albums/b274/John_Spinks/Elrichlogopaint.jpg

BURNSING DOWN THE HOUSE

Giant Zucchini 2 - 3 Kingdom of Elrich

Goalkeeper Gordon Burns was in inspirational form as the Badgers fought their way to a memorable 3-2 victory against Group 13 rivals Giant Zucchini.
Goals from Elrich and Zebedee had given Mike Bassett's men a 2-0 lead before the Zucchinians rallied to square it up at 2-2. Zebedee restored the lead with a sweet chip on 72 minutes, but the Zucchinians never gave up. Only a goal-line clearance from Peter Spinks and heroics from man-of-the-match goalkeeper Gordon Burns saw the Kingdom survive a late onslaught in which Dino Nuvolari missed a glorius chance to even things up at the death.

Manager Mike Bassett was delighted with the result and his goalkeeper,

"It was a huge game for us and the lads knew that. They fought and they fought and we've come away with an excellent result. El Gordo was out of this world in goal, and they've missed a sitter at the death but sometimes you buy your own luck."

"We're right back in it now. Results went our way tonight and it's getting alot tighter. The Nezza boys have got a great win against Cockbill Street and the Amorans absolutely hammered Eauz! It's a shame we have to sit out our next one, because the team are really playing well at the moment. We're on a roll."

The Kingdom of Elrich - Burns, Scaramanga, P Spinks, Wolfman, Scatman John (Hodgins 72), Zebedee, J Spinks (Ino 90), Banks, Allen (Jeremiah 36), Elrich, Singh-Queen

BASSETT'S NASEL WEASEL GOING NOWHERE

Kingdom of Elrich Football Manager Mike Bassett today rubbished reports that he was planning on shaving his moustasche in order to raise money for charity.

"Don't be f***** stupid!" shouted an enraged Bassett, "My nasel weasel has been sitting there for near 30 year! Its a part of me. Would you tell Alan Shearer to cut off his right arm he uses to celebrate? Would you ask David Beckham to cut off his goldenballs to auction! I think not! Shave off my mein Schnuurbart! hmmph"

And with that he left the press conference, grumbling about Mark Lawrenson....

Up the Elrich

Praying2God

26-01-2006, 19:38

OC: Before the last match was done, thus the two scores for Praying2God. Have a look in the discussion thread

OOC: Umm...Cuation...that was PopularFreedom that withdrew, not me.:p

Krytenia

26-01-2006, 20:04

thsd:NEWS

Arid Times Ahead?
by Rami Niblick in Ariddia

FBRENIA may have been the opponents, but with no sane person (or Starblaydi) setting foot in the nation, the game was held in Ariddia. And for those expecting another six goal match, they were right. What Krytenian fan might not have expected, though, is that those six goals were shared three apiece.

Such a thing looked a long way away as the Aces took the lead nine minutes in. Kevin Keda slid the ball ahead for Kennedy, who gobbled up the chance with pleasure. Spivey made it two on seventeen minutes with a crisp rising shot, before Farum Mahonas sent the "home" fans wild by latching onto a long ball and placing past Barcali. A two-one half time score, then, and the Aces in control.

Spilled Bovril was the order of the day as the second half started, as a complete miskick by Lyle Lovitz saw his backpass fizz past a bemused James Barcali and into the net, with the scoreboard at just 45:21. Andrew Pedroso got a third for the Aces, but this was to be the day of the Quatorze, as captain Diego Reyes took the game to three-three late on.

Dave Van Staveren looked like he wanted to kill someone as he marched his team down the tunnel. Northern Voobaha are next; expect pain.

I've been Rami Niblick. I've also been Daniel Wheldon. G'nite bitches.

FBRENIA - 3
Kennedy 7
Spivey 17
Pedroso 73

KRYTENIA - 3
Mahonas 37
Lovitz (o.g.) 46
Reyes 85

Orange-Blue Watch: Matchday VIII
by Bill Tulos in The Land Of Nod

Just when you think there's no stopping them, Seletao gets into very Rejistanian habits as the side draws 0-0 with Pyrologists911. On a lighter note, a big cheer to the County Islands; please will someone tell the Aces defeating Sarzonia is not so difficult after all.

SCORERS
G. Kennedy - 7
R. Spivey - 6
C. Blannix - 2
K. Keda - 2
A. Pedroso - 2
J. Jaffacake-Phillips - 1
C. Stevenson - 1

SCHEDULE:
MD1: H v FBR W 6-0 (Isserson Stadium, Everton City, EC)
MD2: A v NVO W 2-1
MD3: H v SPA W 4-2 (Mercia Stadium, Bromham, CP)
MD4: A v HCN W 2-1
MD5: A v FSX W 2-0
MD6: H v WEE D 2-2 (Isserson Stadium, Everton City, EC)
MD7: BYE - NO GAME
MD8: A v FBR D 3-3
MD9: H v NVO ????? (Lays Road Ground, Leston, LS)
MD10: A v SPA ?????
MD11: H v HCN ????? (Isserson Stadium, Everton City, EC)
MD12: H v FSX ????? (Walton Gardens, Simpson, OU)
MD13: A v WEE ?????
MD14: BYE - NO GAME

Cuation

26-01-2006, 20:27

OOC: Umm...Cuation...that was PopularFreedom that withdrew, not me.:p

OC: Don't suppose you want to drop out? :p Sorry for that.

Editor Fired Over Name Mistake!

A nasty time of passing the buck ensued when it turned out Praying2God was styaing and it was Popular Freedom that was leaving the World Cup. How this happend, nobody is sure but as the goverment blamed the press, someone had to go. The goverment's biggest critic has now been fired and may face charges soon.

This Cuation Herald wishes to apolgise for what has happend and hope the nations involved do not seek to complain or my family will be used as a sacrafice.

Manuel Barnes

Wentland

26-01-2006, 21:55

Many a Wentland betamax had been programmed to record “Futbol Nationale”, the Nation States-wide football round-up which was going to have the Wents in one of their featured matches for the first time. The recent run of good form had attracted some attention, plus the Squornshelous team was always good to watch, and there was the revenge factor from the thrashing in the away game. Although many people fast-forwarded the preview – they considered it bad taste to set it to the “Hawaii 5-0” theme – and the opening session of the match, which frankly saw the Pschychoes dominate, Syvatov scoring from midfield after 14 minutes and chance after chance being created.

The fast-forward buttons were released in the 36th minute…

…Squornshelous are almost mocking the Wentland team now…but there might be a chance here, Dymek has slipped, leaving space for Ollis to exploit…he has a go…good save by Fernandina, but he’s had to concede a corner. Wentland’s first shot on target all match.

Devey to take it, slinging it high towards Smith…oh, Fernandina’s missed his punch…WESTON!!!! No, off the line…but HUGE appeals from the crowd…and Mr Esneed is pointing to the spot!! Penalty!!!

The Squornshelous players are incandescent! Handball on the line by Benson, I think…but the Pschychoes are surrounding the official…he’s not going to change his mind…and he’s calling Benson over, if he thinks it’s handball there’s only one decision to make…red card, Benson is off, and he is furious.

Well, the replay is not overly helpful. Fernandina punches it half-out, Weston’s on the penalty spot and drives it back towards goal…Benson is on the post, he’s leaned over to block the ball with his chest and it’s hit him on his upper arm…is that deliberate? Well, Mr Esneed thinks it was and Squornshelous, who looked so composed and dominant, are now facing a penalty and over half the game with ten men…

Jenkins steps up to take it…ONE-ALL!!! Right down the middle, Fernandina going to his right…a fantastic moment for the big centre-half.

The second half was played at a furious pace in an even more furious Wentland wind, which favoured the home side. Long balls were beginning to cause even the imperious Howe problems but the Pschychoes were still dangerous on the break, the fabled red-and-black attack seemingly ignorant of their team being down to ten men.

But the breakthrough came in the 76th minute. Morgan, surprisingly dropped to the bench, came on for Smith a couple of minutes earlier and used his excess energy to trouble the Pschychoes. And it was a lung-busting run from him to stop a long ball from going for a goal-kick that created the chance…

Morgan’s waiting for help…Fernandina’s blocking the near post…but Treves is in the middle…he’s missed it…but DEVEY’s there!!! Oh, it was so simple! An open goal and all he had to do was get his head to it. And suddenly Wentland are two-one up against one of the favourites!!! Is the shock on?

Ogbadan kicks off, and suddenly Squornshelous look tired, they’ve been playing into the wind with a man short…and that spurt from Morgan has literally knocked the wind out of their sails… that’s a tired pass from Margolis, Ollis has cut that one out…and hefted it forward…and Morgan’s there…Fernandina’s coming out but Morgan has chipped him!! Will it drop in time…YES!!!!! Two goals in a minute!!! Wentland three, Squornshelous one…and Wentland are a quarter of an hour away from the greatest result in their history…

One wag joked that the official match video need only be about four minutes long, as no-one wanted to witness the agonizing last few minutes as Squornshelous besieged the Wentland goal, but thanks to inspired goalkeeping, resolute defence and a benevolent scorinator it remained 3-1.

Suddenly, it was ON. Collonie at home. They had expected it to be a wooden spoon decider, instead it was for a possible top half finish.

Starblaydia

26-01-2006, 22:59

In the office of Simeone Di Bradini, many latters arrive each day. Most are frivilous, time-wasting pieces of rubbish, and this latest one was no exception. He took it off the large pile on his desk and began to read.

Bazalonia']"To Whom it may Concern;

During Matchday 6, where the Bazalonian Bazalopes played at home against the Wentland team. However in their re-cap of the game, the Wentlandish Television show "Top of the World Cup" broadcast a 'skit'. A copy of the 'skit' is contained in this Package. We find this totally in-appropriate and ask on behalf of the Bazalonian Bazalopes and the umpire involved, Mr Ring. That official sanctions be imposed on the WFA for not dealing with the issue.

Thank you for your attention to this Matter.

Your's Sincerly, James Gaines, President of the Bazalonian Federation of Soccer Associations"

Simeone blinked, and read the letter again, before reading the attached transcript of the show. He called his secretary in with a flick of a switch.

"Hey Rachel, thanks for coming in." He offered her the customary seat. "Take a letter: To... James Gaines, President, Bazalonian FSA. Re: Skit. Subject: Get a life. Yours sincereley, etc etc. Thankyou Rachel."

James Gaines,
Bazalonian Federation of Soccer Associations,
Bazalonia

Dear Sir,
Thankyou for bringing this comedy sketch to my attention. In my eight years as World Cup Committee President I have never had an issue as weighty as this brought to my attention, and so I gave it my total thought. I do not, however, have control over any individual Football Association nor broadcasting channel (much to my chagrin), I can weild no pressure in this matter.

Yours Sincerely,
[signed]
Simeone Di Bradini,
WCC President

[NS]Bazalonia

26-01-2006, 23:05

Nathanuel Johnson, of the Law firm Taubman & Pank, just had got off the plane and is now in Wentland. It seemed a cxomedy of errors for him to get to wentland, firstly the staff at his law office tolds him the wrong date... He went to the airport and found out that the plane he was on had left yesterday, then he was booked on the wrong flight and somehow ended up in Abysmalia... The only flight that he could was on the Death Trap of Abysmalia's national airline. There where also numerous amounts of Small errors like two people in His seat and smaller things like that but we won't go into those... finally he Had arrived in Wentland to deliver the Subpoena to WBC. For Defamation in the Top of the world Cup scandal.

He took a taxi toi the stations offices, paid the Taxi with their corporate Credit Card and delivered the subpoena according to legal tradition and then went straight back in the same Taxi to the Airport...

He wanted to get home as soon as possible...

...

"WBC Takes a serving" by Nev Gould

Finally, the BFSA has taken WBC to task over the 're-enactment' of the Bazalopes home game against Wentland. We are not sure why it took this long but have confirmed that a subpoena was delivered to WBC today and lawyers are getting the sueing for Defamation process underway. In another matter sources inside the BFSA has told me that the issue has also been raised with the WCC, unfortunately those same sources have just told me that the WCC is unable to do so. However I believe that the WCC just plain did not want to deal with the issue. That or found the skit just too funny. (You got to admit while it made insulting insuiations and alagations that it was funny). Unfortunately we don't know but one thing I do know is that I'll keep you updated on the BFSA vs WBC defamation case.

Wentland

26-01-2006, 23:16

“…we are all agreed, gentlemen, on item seventeen?”

“Agreed.”

“Good. Let the minutes show that the Wentland FA approves the purchase of six extra practice footballs.

“Now, item eighteen. World Cup hosting. Our next match is at home to Collonie and I think we agreed that it ought to be hosted in Warpstone?”

“Agreed. The big stadium might just intimidate them.”

“Passed nem con. Item nineteen is being held over…any other business? John, what have you got there?”

“This is not strictly speaking FA business, but part of my role with the WBC.”

“Ah yes, that tele-vizzy-on contraption. Can’t make head nor tail of it myself, but it keeps Edna in Vim.”

“This is a strange letter from some chap in Bazalonia. Enclosing what he calls a subpoena. But it looks like a straightforward writ to me.”

“Let’s have a look…how did this get to you?”

“Shoved through the door.”

“Ah, well, this bears the seal of the Court of Bazalonia. Nigel, what are the reciprocal enforcement provisions between us and Bazalonia?”

“Under the Recognition of Foreign Claims Act 1883, Bazalonia is a Schedule 3 country, which means that they can serve claims here, but cannot enforce judgments as of right, only by issuing a praecipe for fieri facias with a full hearing ensuing. But of course the claim form has to be served in accordance with the terms of section 54 of the Service of Proceedings from Abroad Act 1957, which means it must be notarized by an independent professional and service must be effected through the Court officials.”

“Which means that service is invalid and therefore the Bazalonian court is not officially seised of proceedings?”

“Exactly. Which also means that, under the Vexatious Litigants (Protection) Act 1982, we can, if we wish, issue proceedings in the Royal Courts of Wentland for an injunction prohibitio, which interdicts further proceedings.”

“Let’s have a look at the claim form…why, the Bazalopes appear to be issuing proceedings in defamation, but they have not complied with the pre-action protocol. Besides which, I consider this falls within the absolute defence of mere vulgar abuse, or possibly justification. [Laughter.] Furthermore, it appears that they have passed a scurrilous report about us to the organizing committee…”

“Which, in turn, is defamatory of the Wentland FA. I do not think that qualified privilege can apply because it appears that the publication was actuated by malice, don’t you think?”

“It’s arguable. I do not think we at the FA want to cause a stir, but certainly we would not oppose the WBC bringing a claim for prohibitio. Summon the scrivener!”

“You mean Bert?”

“Yes, Bert.”

Ariddia

26-01-2006, 23:19

OOC: Oops, wrong nation... Could you credit this to Fbrenia, please?

Shock draw for Fbrenia

Facing Krytenia for the second time, this time on Ariddian soil, the Fbreni team were cheerfully confident of getting soundly thrashed. Again. Krytenia went into the match with an astounding 5-1-0 record in this Cup, while Fbrenia had yet to achieve a single victory.

When Gabriel Kennedy opened the score in just the ninth minute, it seemed as if those prognostics were being confirmed. Undeterred, the Fbreni side played on. Many Ariddians in the stadium had taken to wearing green and brown, the Fbreni colours, and chanting in appallingly off-key, mispronounced Spanish, which seemed to amuse the players at the very least.

Robin Spivey made it 2-0 without the Fbreni players seeming disappointed or at all surprised, but then things started to change. And they kept on changing until the whistle finally blew on an astonishing 3-3 scoreline.

By this point, the Fbreni still didn’t look surprised. They looked stunned.

Speaking to the press right after the match, with an excited Sonya Quinonez translating for him, team captain Diego Reyes still seemed a little dazed.

“We were just playing to. . . to take part, do our best. . .” he said slowly. “We never expected to actually *win* anything.” When it was pointed out to him that Fbrenia had drawn the game, not won it, Reyes dismissed the comment. “Same thing,” he said. “Both had seemed out of our reach. A draw against Krytenia is something we intend to celebrate as an amazing victory!”

Told that the Krytenian press was referring to the Fbreni side as “the Quatorze”, Reyes seemed thoughtful.

“Perhaps we will call our team that,” he said at last. “Although not all of us understand French.”

It remains unknown whether anyone was able to watch the match in Fbrenia itself, although Reyes said he fervently hoped and believed some would have. In Ariddia, though, there was no mistaking the mood of celebration amongst citizens of Fbreni origin or descent, and they were quickly joined by other Ariddians who seemed to have decided it was well worth a party.

Fbrenia take on FSX for their next match.

“Who knows?” a confident Reyes said. “We may even win it!”

Rejistania

26-01-2006, 23:39

OOC: Kry, the Orange-Blues are the Seletije or the Lasane.

Karelized!

How to get points from a very defensive team if you are clearly the inferior team? Play even more defensively and force the team into the offensive role. Pyrologists911 faced the Orange-Blues into the very offensive role, from which they were unable to counter-attack. The Orange-Blues tried to attack but provoked counter-attacks of the Pyrologists. These counter-attacks could be parried by the rejistanian defense and the match ended scoreless. "Manic", the seleken coach did not live up his name today. Maybe the fact that the Pyrologists' fans were armed with flamethrowers caused him some respect. He later said to a reporter when he was back in Rejistania: "I know every coach can be fired, but I do never again want to fired like this! These fire-crazy persons are the worst, which can happen to a team!"

The Islands of Qutar

27-01-2006, 00:41

Qutar Sports News Network

*As the transmission is about to begin, the broadcasting dish is hit by lightning, and by some freak of nature the broadcast is sent forward in time*

Good Afternoon Qutar, we bring you live to our sixth qualifying game, against East Lithuania, and this will be a crucial game for Qutar, as a win would send The Islands of Qutar top of Group 8. We have a capacity crowd here at the Stadium of Light today, with every seat filled and the stadium is filled with an expectant roar as the players come out onto the pitch and line up for the anthems, so we'll go live to the stadium now.

It looks like Chris Saunders has won the toss, and Qutar will start this match off, and with Thomas still injured following the previous match with Language Teachers, Siese will start the game off, and he does so and Ali is making a move forward, but he's cut off by Tores, and with East Lithuania playing a 3-4-3 formation, he has lots of support, with Verman and Hardy either side of him, he sees Hardy making a break, passes the ball to him, who sees Verman and tries to pass to him, but Lemkes cuts the ball out beautifully, and sends the ball up to Gordon, as Qutar break on the counter-attack, Gordon sees Tomlin making a run down the left wing, he avoids a tackle from Knapp and gets a pass to Tomlin, who carries on his run down the left, Katilius comes out to tackle him, but he gets neatly past him, sees Siese making a run in, Tomlin gets the cross in, it meets the head of Siese, but oh! Just over the bar, Siese is obviously trying to make an impression in this game. Weaver gets the game going again as he hoofs the ball up the other end of the pitch, and Nick Saunders outjumps Hardy, and retakes possesion of the ball, and he moves up the pitch, Ruth comes to challenge him, but he gets a pass to his brother Chris Saunders, who turns away from his marker, sees Siese making a run, passes the ball to him, Siese gets the ball, he's got Ali in support, he gets past Johnson, he on goal, he fires a shot in, its a goal!! What a way to score your first international goal, top corner! 1-0! The crowd is just roaring now, Siese runs to the fans as they chant his name!

Well thats got the game going, twenty minutes into the match and Qutar are looking the much stronger team, with the East Lithuania midfield looking very vunerable, and not up to stopping Qutar. East Lithuania, start the game off, and Gordons steals possesion back almost immediatly, but as he makes the break Knapp gets in a crucial tackle, and sends the ball up to Hardy, who gets past Kelly, get a shot it but it goes harmlessly wide, a goal kick to Qutar. With five minutes left on the clock neither team has made any real breakthrough, but hang on Parker breaks through on the right hand side, seeing Ali making a run into the box, gets a cross in, oh! Its tipped over bar for a corner. Tomlin takes the corner whips it in, but only as far as Sell who attempts to clear it, but only as far as Parker, who slams in a shot, but oh! It hits the crossbar and out for a goal kick as the referee blows his whistle for end of the first half. Qutar are in the much stronger position as they......

*Unexplained interuption in transmission, with static showing, followed by a few minutes showing the following.......*

The Islands of Qutar 2 (1)-(0) 1 East Lithuania
Siese, 19 Verman, 47
Ali, 78

Anathematic Republics

27-01-2006, 00:44

"Nothing doing since the Bedistan match?"

"Nope."

"And we lost to the monks."

"Not my fault."

Satan and Morseley were confering in a not-yet-completely-clean conference room. Their massive hangovers from the bacchanalia held in honor of their glorious victory over Bedistan had just passed, and they were assessing what had happened since then.

"Not my fault." Morseley put his feet up on the table. "A were-manatee, or lycanthropes in general for that matter, was not my idea."

"True. And Filon wasn't doing that badly for someone down three players." Satan grimaced. "Maybe I should find him some subs."

"Eh."

Morseley stood up.

"Gotta seize the day with what you got. Maybe we'll get the monks next time. Anywhere you know that's a good source of disintegrating cloth?"

"What for?"

"We'll see how well the blindfolds hold out."

"I'll make some calls."

Satan left the room. Morseley started channel-surfing, and settled down to watch the Tadjikistan-Race City match, only because RC seemed to be winning.

[NS]Bazalonia

27-01-2006, 00:53

"Bazalopes Bravely Face Squornshelous" by Nev Gould

"The Bazalopes faced the 4th ranked Squornshelous Psychoes again, this time it was away in Squornshelous. It seems the prank pulled by Caine Hawdon really did effect the score line last time the Bazalopes faced the Psychoes. Our last match ended in a 1 all draw. But this time being away at their home ground the score was 2-0. The Bazalopes have done extremely well against teams that rank more than 60-120 ranks above them and I am proud for them to be Bazalonian. The fact that we are last on the table after starting 5th has nothing to do with this there certainly have been some wierd happenstances so far in the world cup. Firstly drawing with 4th ranked Squorn team, loosing to Collonie by a 5-1 margin and the scoring of three own goals in the last few minutes of their game with Nankaland but I suppose that is Word Cup soccer, Not much we can do about this.

On the Wentland Matter.... no news as yet.

New Manhattan

27-01-2006, 01:10

Matchday 9 scores (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=10305464&postcount=9) are now up.

(Three RPs weren’t counted in today’s RP bonus (but one of them was about a MD9 result :p ), probably because I’m taking far too long to collect stats and add the qualifiers/eliminated teams to the table. Maybe I’ll reduce the number of unbeaten teams a bit. :p)

Tanah Burung

27-01-2006, 03:14

The Archregimancy

27-01-2006, 03:32

THE ARCHREGIMANCY BRINGS YOU

WORLD CUP TONIGHT - BYE NIGHT

With Fr. Nicholas the Scribe and Fr. John the Golden-Throated

"So... Fr. John... a bye night... not much going on then..."

"What on earth do you mean, Fr. Nicholas? Have you forgotten the saints we commemorate today? Venerable Xenophon, Mary, Arcadius and John of Constantinople - and entire family devoted to ascetic monasticism. Father, mother, and two sons! What an inspiring example! Don't you remember how the story ends after the shipwreck which separated the family?

'Sts Xenophon and Maria went to separate monasteries and dedicated themselves to God. The monks Arcadius and John, having taken leave of their parents, went out into the wilderness, where after long ascetic toil they were glorified by gifts of wonderworking and discernment. Sts Xenophon and Maria, laboring in silence and strict fasting, also received from God the gift of wonderworking.'

And let's not forget the other saints we remember today... Venerable Xenophon of Robika; the Presbyter Ananias, Martyr Peter and Martyred Seven Soldiers in Phoenicia; St Simeon "the Ancient" of Mt. Sinai; St Theodore of Studion, St Joseph the Bishop of Thessalonica and brother of St Theodore of Studion; and Blessed David IV the King of Georgia. How can you possibly say there's nothing going on with all those Troparians to memorise?"

"You misunderstand, Fr. John. I meant nothing much going on in the World Cup..."

"Well even there, Fr. Nicholas, there's loads of news... Bedistan crushed the pawns of Satan, Oglethorpia were granted the expected forfeit against PopularFreedom, and the schismatics in Cataduanes beat the UIE - which all means that while we stay undefeated at the top of the group, it's getting awfully crowded up there"

"And what about the Holy Empire's offer to play out PopularFreedom's matches through dream simulacra?"

"One of the silliest ideas I've heard in a long time, Fr. Nicholas. What were HEFA thinking? It was never going to fly, and personally I don't understand why Commerce Heights were so polite in turning it down. I mean, really..."

Audioslavia

27-01-2006, 03:54

Legal Fees
Retribution for early defeat for 'slaves

The Audioslavian team reversed the 3-1 defeat to Legalese on matchday two to take a 3-1 win in the Silver Jubilee Stadium last night.

Two goals from Vitalis and a Mussorgsky header gave the 'slaves the win, after Legalese had stormed ahead through Johnnie Lobiva's ninth minute strike.

It was altogether a solid performance by a 'slave team who were dissappointed to be held 3-3 to Thergo in midweek. As it stands though, the 'slaves sit pretty on the top of group ten, four points ahead of Tonissia in second and six clear of the qualification line, where Ariddia and Thergo are challenging.

The next game against Ariddia is likely to be a controversial one, as it is their first meeting since Ariddian midfielder Wol Eosh was detained by Audioslavian immigration for no available reason.

IBJJ, GNB

[NS]Bazalonia

27-01-2006, 03:59

Burungi sportwriters declared "not stupid" by Mayor

The Mayor of the city of Ukun Rasikan is pleased to confer the order of Not Being Stupid After All on the anonymous author of the previous report in the TB Free Press & Church Bulletin.

"Contrary to reports in the Cuation media, Praying2Freedom is not, in fact, the same team as PopularGod," said Mayor Dolly Salvador, who declined to give her name. "Or words to that effect. Anyway, we are so smart, as the old song goes."

Congregation (omnes): S-M-R-T.

Dolly: Shut up, we're not doing that bit today.

With that, the Mayor began to personally groom the pitch of the national stadium for today's outdoor match against visitors from Bazalonia. The mercury had hit 39C, an estimated 46 degrees with the humidex reading: just another balmy outdoor day in Tanah Burung's largest metropolis. January here on the tropical coast was a great time, if you had nothing more pressing to do than lie on the beach sipping a cocktail and ogling the scantily-clad locals. Dolly wondered what time it was, but she couldn't tell: all the clocks were melting.

One burning question remained:

The congregation wants to know: Why the hell not? If not given a satisfactory answer, they'll begin shipping masses of opiates to Ariddia. Purely as a helpful gesture of course.

ooc: Bazalonia, i'm not going to get time to post an actual match report, go crazy with it.

Caine Hawdon was sitting down and flipping through the various TV channels and came across BazSport2's Coverage of a The Tanah Burung vs. Basicota... It seems the Major of Ukun Rasikan, Dolly Salvador, thinks that the Bazalopes are playing an away game at the stadium in that city... He laughed... He went throuh his papers looking for what ghroup Tanah Burung is in ... "Ah here it is".. he said lifting up the group draw for the World Cup ".... Tanah... Tanah... Ah here they are in Group 14.. but we're in group 9...."

"ouch that's gotta hurt someone's pride." he thought to himself... He continued to watch as the Basicota team arrived at the stadium and found out that they where expecting the Bazalonian Bazalopes... This shocked them anyway the team went into their change rooms and the match started. The first thrity minutes consisted of a number of missed chances mostly by the Tanah Burungs it seemed that they'd never score a goal until the 36th minute when out of nowehere came one of the Tanah Burung forwards and scored a wonderful goal. Tanah Burung 1 Basicota 0. The Basicota team soon counter attacked and and with only 1 minute left till half-time they scored leveling 1 all.

The second half was an all Tanah Burung affair with the team scoring 2 unanswered goals one in the 57th minute and the other in the 78th minute. Both of the ananswered goals where nothing spectacular of themselves but seemed to be the result of solid organisation and un-exploted opportunities by both the Basicota defense and attack. Major Dolly Salvatora was conspiciously absent during the after match celebrations.

The Kazoo Peoples

27-01-2006, 05:23

Another day, another 3 draws in Group 6.

For the second day in a row, all six teams in their three respective matches drew, but today, total goals were up from just 2 yesterday to 8 today.

The three draws gave everyone a point, but the off day of Yafor 2 hurt them as they are now in a tie for fifth with Swilatia, with a superior goal advantage (0 to -1) the only thing buoying them from slipping into sixth place.

The Kazoos, with their draw today, is behind group leader Casari by three, but is ahead of Hiiraan by one and Turori by two. They lead both Yafor 2 and Swilatia by a win (three points). Rolatia is all but eliminated, as they trail qualification by six points.

Region 6 Pts W D L GF:GA GD
1. Casari 14 3 5 0 12:7 5
2. The Kazoo Peoples 11 2 5 1 12:8 4
3. Hiiraan 10 3 1 3 15:17 -2
4. Turori 9 1 6 1 14:13 1
5. Yafor 2 8 1 5 1 7:7 0
6. Swilatia 8 1 5 2 10:11 -1
7. Rolatia 5 0 5 3 5:12 -7

But, we're sure you want details of the match, don't you? You have waited patiently, young grasshopper, and you shall be handsomely rewarded!

---
#8 Turori draws Kazoos for a second time

"A tough match. It was even, too, all the way to the final minute. I'm real proud of our team," said Coach Manni Aka after the game.

And even it was! It seemed one big tug-of-war all through the match. But that is to be expected when two teams with a KPB ranking difference of 112 meet.

The first ten minutes showed how back-and-forth this match would be. The match was started by the Kazoos, who got it closer to the net, but Turori defenders cleared the ball, and passed it on to their forwards, who were stopped by Kazoo defenders, who in turn delivered the ball to the midfielders, and it went back to Turori, and it went to the Kazoos and back to Turori...

...

..., and then back to the Kazoos, and back to Turori. *achem* Yeah, it was kind of like that. Halftime came and went, until something amazing happened.

"I came out of the locker room, heading out onto the pitch, and I think I hear something familiar," Forward Chadd Johnson said, recalling the momentus occasion, "and wouldn't you know it? It's The Incorporated States of The Kazoo Peoples' national anthem, played on none other but our national instrument, the kazoo! It almost brought tears to my eyes. That really gave us motivation to make the game exciting again!"

And, though Turori started the second half, the Kazoos immediately took it, and they shot on the goal, but missed. It did, however, hit the goalkeeper on the way out though, and the Kazoos were awarded a corner kick. Rudy Johnson took the corner, as he hit it to his brother Chadd Johnson, who tapped it in for a goal, at minute 50, Kazoos lead 1-0.

But Turori came right back, starting the next interval of play by getting it to their star forward, who tapped it in for the goal at minute 52, the score knotted at 1-1.

The Kazoos started the match once again, but what appeared to be an unfair challenge (but no caution or card) gave the ball up to Turori, as they scored once again and took the lead 2-1 at minute 54.

Kazoos, downtrodden by the course of events, did not appear to be affected by the poor call, as they promptly started the match, Rudy Johnson to Mike Sweeny. Sweeny passed it to Perknowleski, who gave it in space to Lampshade, who took it in for the goal at minute 56. Kazoos knot it up two-all, and what would result in the final match score.

"Four goals in ten minutes. Wow!" said Kirk Fogg, a random passerby watching SPEN SportsChannelNewsTonightSoccerWorldCupRecapCenter at a local electronics store, who was having a sale on obnoxiously huge televisions.

"I feel that our fan support really carried us through," quipped Aka after the match.

As it so happens, fan support may have been the difference: Kazoo fans outnumbered Turori fans, according to an informal estimation. Out of the 62,930 fans who attended today's match, 56,008 people, or about 89%, were Kazoo fans, who made the trek to the away match in Turori.

Qualifying Schedule (UPDATED THROUGH MD9)

Matchday 1:

HOME AWAY
Turori 4:0 Rolatia
Casari 1:0 The Kazoo Peoples
Yafor 2 2:1 Swilatia

Hiiraan does not play

Matchday 2:

HOME AWAY
The Kazoo Peoples 1:1 Turori
Swilatia 1:1 Casari
Hiiraan 1:0 Rolatia

Yafor 2 does not play

Matchday 3:

HOME AWAY
Turori 3:3 Swilatia
Casari 1:1 Yafor 2
The Kazoo Peoples 3:1 Hiiraan

Rolatia does not play

Matchday 4:

HOME AWAY
Casari 1:1 Turori
Hiiraan 3:2 Yafor 2
Rolatia 0:0 Swilatia

The Kazoo Peoples does not play

Matchday 5:

HOME AWAY
Hiiraan 5:2 Turori
Rolatia 0:2 Casari
The Kazoo Peoples 1:1 Yafor 2

Swilatia does not play

Matchday 6:

HOME AWAY
Turori 0:0 Yafor 2
Swilatia 4:1 Hiiraan
The Kazoo Peoples 2:2 Rolatia

Casari does not play

Matchday 7:

HOME AWAY
Casari 5:3 Hiiraan
Yafor 2 1:1 Rolatia
Swilatia 0:3 The Kazoo Peoples

Turori does not play

Matchday 8:

AWAY HOME
Turori 1:1 Rolatia
Casari 0:0 The Kazoo Peoples
Yafor 2 0:0 Swilatia

Hiiraan does not play

Matchday 9:

AWAY HOME
The Kazoo Peoples 2:2 Turori
Swilatia 1:1 Casari
Hiiraan 1:1 Rolatia

Yafor 2 does not play

Matchday 10:

AWAY HOME
Turori v Swilatia
Casari v Yafor 2
The Kazoo Peoples v Hiiraan

Rolatia does not play

Matchday 11:

AWAY HOME
Casari v Turori
Hiiraan v Yafor 2
Rolatia v Swilatia

The Kazoo Peoples do not play a World Cup 26 game today,
but they have a friendly:
Schiavonia at Kazoo Peoples, Kazoo City Kola Stadium

Matchday 12:

AWAY HOME
Hiiraan v Turori
Rolatia v Casari
The Kazoo Peoples v Yafor 2

Swilatia does not play

Matchday 13:

AWAY HOME
Turori v Yafor 2
Swilatia v Hiiraan
The Kazoo Peoples v Rolatia

Casari does not play

Matchday 14:

AWAY HOME
Casari v Hiiraan
Yafor 2 v Rolatia
Swilatia v The Kazoo Peoples

Turori does not play

Kazoos progress in WC26:

MD1: loss to Casari 1-0, away
MD2: draw with Turori 1-1, home
MD3: win over Hiiraan 3-1, home
MD4: OFF
MD5: draw with Yafor 2 1-1, home
MD6: draw with Rolatia 2-2, home
MD7: win over Swilatia 3-0, away
---
MD8: draw with Casari 0-0, home
MD9: draw with Turori 2-2, away
MD10: Hiiraan, away
MD11: Friendly: Schiavonia, home
MD12: Yafor 2, away
MD13: Rolatia, away
MD14: Swilatia, home

The Kazoo Peoples

27-01-2006, 05:32

The Kazoos began their first of a series of special practices to prepare them for their friendly with Schiavonia (during their bye on MD11).

"They'll be 6 hours in length," said Coach Manni Aka, when asked how long the extra practices will be, "in addition to the 10-hour practices currently scheduled, bringing the total to 16-hour practices per day. We plan on using the 6 extra hours for watching game film of recent Schiavonian matches. We want to be prepared."

The announcement of these special practices were met with general moaning and groaning, as with all other extra practices.

"Maybe I'll get some sleep while we watch game film," said hopeful Rudy Johnson, the purple rings and bags under his eyes evident. "It'd be nice. I might bring a sofa to the showings."

[[OOC: Can Commerce Heights or Oliverry scorinate this match, please (if possible, with the WC26 formula? We're in need of a scorinator, and I don't want the score to appear slanted if I scorinate (and if I happen to win, I don't want it to look suspicious). Thanks for reading, and I look forward to one of your guy's reply.]]

Sarzonia

27-01-2006, 05:51

'Star Signs' point to Sarzonia

WOODSTOCK (ASP) -- For a winning locker room, the Sarzonians sure know how to look the part of an angry side.

Sarzonia played a solid, if unspectacular match en route to a workmanlike 2-0 win over Star Signs in front of a crowd of 47,873 at Bryan Marshall Stadium in Woodstock and moved five points ahead of EL CID THE HERO with four matches remaining in World Cup qualifying. However, the team's results were the last thing on their mind.

"That match would have been 4-0 if not for the officiating," said assistant coach Brett Hancock. "I don't care if I get fined or whatever. I heard one of the linesmen talking about going out to the bar with the 'bonus cheque' from Commerce Heights officiating. It's obvious they're out to influence the outcome of matches."

Incorporated Football Federation Chairman Terry Mangione said he supported Sarzonian Vice President for Health and Athletics Jimmy Marshall's call for the World Cup Committee to relieve Commerce Heights of their hosting duties. However, he said he wouldn't add the request with the government's involvement.

"We make it known to the World Cup Committee that we hereby issue a vote of no confidence in Commerce Heights for their administration of this World Cup," Mangione said. "We can't put it into any stronger terms than that."

Andossa Se Mitrin Vega

27-01-2006, 09:40

Sea Dragons - Wabbits Deadlocked

Total n Utter Insanity 2 Errinundera 0
Spruitland 1 Andossa Se Mitrin Vega 1
Dehny 2 Very Angry Rabbits 1

This is Kellan Kildan of the ASMV Football News Network

ASMV entered the match today against Spruitland desperately needing to earn at least a point to keep their qualifying hopes alive. Ninety minutes later, they had earned that point.

Keeper Shaun Conarky threw his body around recklessly, ending numerous scoring opportunities for the Wabbits. The Spruitland keeper was also up to the challenge, stopping four blistering shots from Pablo Iglesias and two more that should have scored from Porche Alexander. The only goal of the match for the Sea Dragons was from Evan Evans early in the 4th minute.

The point keeps ASMV in 4th place in Group 3 - 3 points behind Spruitland and 4 points behind Denhy who knocked off Very Angry Rabbits 2-1 to move back into second in the group.

Four points off pace with four matches left. Improbable but not Impossible. Do not expect the Sea Dragons to gain any ground in their next match. TnUI will be tough to beat. Thus far, they have not lost a single point - The only team left that remains perfect. ASMV would love nothing more than to spoil that for them.

Following the TnUI match, the schedule gets a bit easier and hopes are that the Sea Dragons will put away the squads they are supposed to and finish strong. Denhy and Spruitland will both have to struggle for the Sea Dragons to have a legitimate shot at qualifying.

Giant Zucchini

27-01-2006, 09:55

Another Own Goal!
Episode 7: Dizzying Heights

You know the scene…dark…couch…green fingered fella…well the difference is now the green fella is jumping up and down disturbingly on the couch.

“…and the final whistle blows to another professional performance by the Zucchinis. After the disappointment against Elrich, the Zucchinis complete a 3 goal rout against a team a good 69 places ahead of them in the rankings. Armand Boyer put them ahead right on the quarter hour mark with a brilliantly taken free kick that curled around the wall into the near top corner which the keeper had no chance of reaching. By this time, the Zucchinis were already comfortably controlling the game, taking the game to Eauz who had no answer to the Zucchinis’ attacking play. They comfortably made it 2-0 just before the half hour mark, Nuvolari putting the ball between the keeper’s legs after some inspired passing along the right flank. The Zucchinis continued where they left off after the break, Poulsen breaking Eauz’s offside trap and smashing his volley into the net from Bardi’s first touch chip into the box. By then, Eauz was deflated, and Gorton could afford to rest some of his star players, but Chekhov and Brugghen stayed on the 90 minutes to prove they are one of the best sweeper-defensive mid combinations in NationStates. Laredo was barely troubled, and easily clinched his 10th international clean sheet in 25 caps. But there is further joy for the Zucchinis. This win puts them ahead of Eauz on head-to-head results, being equal at this stage on points and goal difference…”

To be continued…

Giant Zucchini’s Department of Number Crunching and Data Spewing presents:

Match stats:

Eauz - 0

Giant Zucchini - 3
Boyer (15), Nuvolari (29), Poulsen (52)

Giant Zucchini stats:

Top Goalscorers:
Johann Rilke – 4
Absamat Chekhov – 2
Armand Boyer – 2
Gottlieb Poulsen – 2
Dino Nuvolari - 2
Mikhail Glinka – 1
Arturo Bardi – 1

Yellow Cards:
Dino Nuvolari – 1
Domingo Ferrero – 1
Armand Boyer – 1
Gottlieb Poulsen – 1

Red Cards:
Mikhail Glinka – 1

Squornshelous

27-01-2006, 10:32

Pschychoes Unsteady into Crucial Match

2-0 win can't erase a shocking loss
Every team will lose some bad matches in their time. Squornshelous has lost matches before, sometimes ebarasing matches. There was the time that the Pschychoes were poised to advance to the second round in World Cup 17 and were beaten 4-2 by a Dance 2 Revolution team that came out of nowhere. There was World Cup 14 qualifying, where the then 11th ranked Pschychoes finished fourth in their group and missed out on qualifying for the first and only time in our history. There was World Cup 21, when a Squornshelous team coming off a 3rd place finish was blanked 3-0 in the second round by EL CID THE HERO. There was World Cup 15 where a 43rd ranked Pschychoes team missed out on the World Cup in penalty shots. But never (at least in recent memory) have the Pschychoes been so badly beaten by a team competing in its first qualifying bid.

Then there was that time way back in World Cup 5 when a some top 20 team got thrashed 4-0 by a team playing their very first world cup match. Can't seem to remember who that might've been though.:D

The three to one scoreline, after Squornshelous had jumped out in front on a goal by Goran Syvatov was simply unbelievable. This has led the Squornshelan FA to lodge a formal complaint and a request for the resignment of the referee who called the match, a Mr. Esneed apparantly. The call in question was the "intentional handball called on Benson, which awarded Wentland with a penalty and totally changed the course of the game. It provided Wentland with a simply enourmous momentum boost and deprived the Pschychoes of one of their defenders, forcing Colon to remove one of his midfielders to reinforce the defense. Anton Margolis was taken out and Darryl Benitez came in to play Benson's position. Kryztoff Markanen dropped back to play a slightly less attacking position to compensate for the lost defensive midfielder. Forced to play more conservatively to compensate for being shorthanded, the Pschychoes were unable to attack as much as normally. This allowed Wentland to control the ball more easily, fueling their momentum boost. It was only a matter of time before they scored again. After that, the Pschychoes had to start taking chances, but with one less man in midfield, the intricate passing normally used as a means of advancing the ball fell apart, and another goal was given away on a counter. As the match wound down, it was only a matter of blocking shots and clearing the ball for Wentland, as the Pschychoes had no choice but to go on an all out attack.

One matchday later, the revenge factor was working the other way around. Squornshelous had let two points slip away by allowing Bazalonia to score a goal in their last meeting, where, like in the match against Wentland, a very young Squornshelan team allowed themselves to be distracted and caught off their guard by unexpected events. This time, the Pschychoes were on their home turf, and made no mistakes. The Bazalopes were foiled all match long by stalwart defending from Derrick Howe and David Ypres. Benson redeemed himself, although most Squornshelans believe that no redemption was necessary on his part, by having a superb day, completely shutting down Bazalonian left winger Peter Hobble. Goran Syvtov continued his excellent cup debut with the opening goal, and elder statesman Franz Persson added an insurance marker midway through the second half.

Final Scores:
Squornshelous 1-3 Wentland

Squornshelous 2-0 Bazalonia

The Pschychoes will have to make sure any uncertainties are behind them as they go into the most important match of qualifying. The winner of this match against Nanakaland will most likely go on to win Group 9, and the loser will have to fight off a very dangerous (as a few highly ranked teams have discovered) side from Wentland, along with Nedalia, who are underachieving, but still full of fight and Collonie, another side with upset in their minds.

Cuation

27-01-2006, 10:49

Cuation wave Bye to second place

In Cuation's bye day, a major shock saw Schiavonia go to Rejistania and win, raising the possibility of first place for the first timers. The Baptisim of Fire team have benfitted from Kaze Progressa's poor start and Cuation failing to live up to its ability in a relativly weak group but that should take nothing from a very promising team.

Rejistania +11

Miles ahead of us but only two points clear of Schiavonia. We can't catch them but they can not afford a loss of form at the moment. Have momentum but it reamins to be soon how they cope with thier loss.

Schiavonia +9

Within touching distance from top place, this side have shown no fear. Out of our reach, they should be able to keep this second place spot. Whou would have imagined it, Schiavonia pressing Rejistania and 89 points clear of Cuation and Kaze Progressa with more then half way through? A side to watch, biggest fear might be the amount of away matches they face.

Kudlastan +4

Will make a strong claim for third place but will have to be careful of Kaze Progressa revival. To finish third or fourth and to pull of some upsets along the way

Pyrologists911 and Kaze Progressa +0

Yes we are so bad that we are on the same points as the fire raisers. Kaze Progressa are recovering from the poor early form and should press for third place, as long as Cuation do not win heavily again tomorrow. Our own goal will be to finish out of the bottom three but that could be a hard task.

Alexandrian Ptolemais -5

With only three points, this team will get the Wooden Spoon. Still managed to draw against us, showing our inability to beat the little teams.

Our next match is against a good Kaze Progressa side, a team we beat 4-1 earlier. Don't expect the same scoreline as Cuation try to pull out of a three match run of defeats.

Ariddia

27-01-2006, 11:23

One burning question remained:

Ariddians aren’t really into religious stuff usually

The congregation wants to know: Why the hell not? If not given a satisfactory answer, they'll begin shipping masses of opiates to Ariddia. Purely as a helpful gesture of course.

After failing to find a government official whose task it might be to address matters of religious concern, the Ariddian government politely asked Jean Lenoir, Assistant Secretary for Sport, to answer instead.

"There have been no precise statistics drawn up in recent years," Lenoir explained in front of the press, looking a little confused and out of place. He scratched the side of his head. "Ah, but... erm, apparently, last time round, an overwhelming majority of my... fellow citizens declared themselves to be atheists. Jolly good idea, if you ask me. Though with the utmost respect for religious Ariddians, of course. I know one or two myself. Lovely people.

Anyway, where was I... In answer to the congregation, please understand that any opiates shipped into Ariddia will be subjected to scrutiny by health officials. Also, you won't be able to sell them, you know. There's no money over here. But if you want to donate them, I suppose you can. Oh," he added, as though suddenly remembering something, "and you can send a few missionaries over too. If you like. It's a long time since we've seen any of those, and we're always curious about those unusual foreign ways of theirs. Anyway, I hope that answers any questions... No, I don't really know what I'm doing here either. Thank you, and good night."

OOC: I'll try to get a post in for the day's game later...

Tadjikistan

27-01-2006, 12:49

REVENGE!!!
Hardfought victory for the Tigers

With the Race city debacle fresh in their minds the Tigers prepared for their clash with Artoonia, one of the few teams so far that managed to give the Tigers a beating. A 1-1 draw on Matchday two caused the Tigers considerable loss of points in the early stages of the qualifications. Now they were to face that same opponent once more.

The Tadjik Tigers were fired up by thousands of fans who had all come to the Isserson Stadion wanting to see their team win convincingly. Powered up by their fans and their coaches, Rezvon and Bahrom Sadirov the Tadjiks quickly took the initiative and forced the Artoonians back, Daniel Gurchev, who remained unemployed for most of the first half described the strategy as: 'The easiest way to prevent the other side from scoring. the offense is the best defense, right?'

The Artoonians, still under the impression that they could actually stunt again, were able to keep the zero on the scoreboard and mount a couple of counterstrokes in the first half. So everyone looked to the second half for the real spectacle.

The Tadjik Tigers were not ready to give up yet, a draw was not good enough. So they prepare to catch their prey and rip it to pieces. I didnt take long before finally a good move resulted in a good shot, Saradov aimed for the top bar and had the ball deflect into the Artoonian box. Three minutes later Salenko followed Saradovs example and gave the Tadjiks a comfortable lead.

The Artoonians took advantage of the Tadjik euphoria and tried to cling on to the Tadjiks with a shot from the second line. Gurchev was beaten for the sixth time in the qualifications. The Artoonians were happy with their first goal and already they saw themselves jump over Rordia and co in the group.

But the game wasnt over yet, as the Tigers would prove. The Tadjiks mounted yet another expedition into Artoonian held territory with Michael Pliiev moving over the left flank, accompanied by Zuhurov, while Salenko and Sradaov remained on the right side. Pliiev went as far as he could until he reached the left pole of the Artoonian box. On the right side Salenko sought an open spot and Pliiev sent a pass high over the Artoonian defender and goalkeper between them. Pliievs assist however, did not end up with Salenko, instead to bounced of the right pole and into the Artoonian box.

Artoonia ran out of luck and, except for a few unsuccesful drives in Tadjik direction, they could no longer threaten Gurchev. Tadjiks had won their match, they began to sit back and end the match with the 3-1 on the scoreboard. In the 78th minute however Mirdan and Solehbayev made a last move that was unepectedly succesful, Mirdan made one last goal to sympbolize the Tadjik superiority, mostly the result of Tadjik morale and crowd.

Their victory was completed by the news of Jeruselems 1-4 loss to Rordia, the lowranked troublemakers of group 15. And guess who Tadjikistans next opponent will be? Rordia! Tadjikistan can beat them, this time it will be without the support of their fans and we are hoping their morale will help them return with three points.

Group 15
Tadjikistan 4 Artoonia 1
Jeruselem 1 Rordia 4
Race City 2 McPsychoville 2

Tadjikistan -4
Saidomir Saradov '52, Oleg Salenko '55, Michael Pliiev '70, Yuli Mirdan '78

Artoonia -1
unknown player '58

Region 15 Pts W D L GF:GA GD
1. Tadjikistan 19 6 1 1 24:7 17
2. Jeruselem 15 5 0 3 22:20 2
3. Milchama 12 4 0 3 19:19 0
4. Rordia 10 3 1 4 20:22 -2
5. Race City 8 2 2 4 11:15 -4
6. McPsychoville 7 2 1 4 14:19 -5
7. Artoonia 7 2 1 5 9:17 -8

Fixtures:
MD1: Tadjikistan - Race City W 3-0
MD2: Artoonia - Tadjikistan D 1-1
MD3: Tadjikistan - Rordia W 3-1
MD4: Jeruselem - Tadjikistan W 2-5
MD5: McPsychoville - Tadjikistan W 0-4
MD6: Tadjikistan - Milchama W 4-1
MD7: /
MD8: Race City - Tadjikistan L 1-0
MD9: Tadjikistan - Artoonia W 4-1
MD10:Rordia - Tadjikistan
MD11:Tadjikistan - Jeruselem
MD12:Tadjikistan - McPsychoville
MD13:Milchama - Tadjikistan
MD14:/

Tadjik goalscorers:
Salenko - 8
Saradov - 5
Zuhurov - 3
Pliiev - 3
Mirdan - 2
Ashurov - 1
Kornilov - 1
Gurchev - 1

Jeruselem

27-01-2006, 13:04

Jeruselem Government News

The Hand of GodRordia

Well, after a winning - what happens? You lose badly. It happened again in World Cup 26. Jeruselem played Rordia who are rather hard to predict if they play crap or brilliantly on the day. We lost 1-4 but stay 2nd. Not the best game from the boys and Rordia were back to their match day 1 form again except we only conceded 4 goals.

Milchama had the bye and their last bye so, no more byes for them.

Tadjikistan just made Artoonia's life a little harder. They thumped the Artoonia team 4-1 to sink them back to last and well, those Tigers have teeth. One loss is nothing when you win most of your games by 3 goals or more. They've just about smacked most teams in Group 15 around.

Race City had chance to make it count when Jeruselem lost. McPsychoville held them to a draw which didn't help either team considering 2nd and 3rd place teams got 0 points this time. Wasted opportunity for Race City. Good for Jeruselem!

Top 3 stay the same and the botton 4 shuffle again. Rordia are back to 4th but guess who they play next? The Tigers! Either the Tigers win 4-1 or Rordia upset them 2-1. We're betting on the Tigers to win and because it helps us.

Hey look we conceded 20 goals in 8 games! Looks bad? That's 2.5 goals a game. OK, 9 of them came from losing to the Tigers and Rordia. So that's 11 conceded in 6 games if you exclude the trashings. 5 wins and 3 losses. We will lose a few more games, but it's wins that count here. And when will we get draw with someone instead of losing 0-4? Well, the games against Milchama and Tigers are more important because of this loss. Losing to the Tigers isn't a shame but we must beat Milchama.

Hockey Canada don't like spam or losing to Spaam. They beat the Spaam 3-2 and well, just look like rolling on. They top their game now. Watch out Krytenia.

Nedalia played Nanakaland and WON. Not just any win, 3-1. They have 3 wins in a row, so are they going to CHARGE back into the top 3 or maybe make the top 2. Hopefully they don't trip over some lower team along the way as they do.

Group 2
Krytenia 0 Northern Voobaha 0
Hockey Canada 3 Spaam 2
Fbrenia 1 FSX 2

Group 9
Squornshelous 2 Bazalonia 0
Nedalia 3 Nanakaland 1
Wentland 2 Collonie 0

Group 15
Tadjikistan 4 Artoonia 1
Jeruselem 1 Rordia 4
Race City 2 McPsychoville 2

Region 15 Pts W D L GF:GA GD
1. Tadjikistan 19 6 1 1 24:7 17
2. Jeruselem 15 5 0 3 22:20 2
3. Milchama 12 4 0 3 19:19 0
4. Rordia 10 3 1 4 20:22 -2
5. Race City 8 2 2 4 11:15 -4
6. McPsychoville 7 2 1 4 14:19 -5
7. Artoonia 7 2 1 5 9:17 -8

Schiavonia

27-01-2006, 15:36

The Schiavone Scribe
SIT BACK IN WONDER
Rejistania 1-2 Schiavonia

If it's good enough for Pyrologists911, then it'll do Schiavonia.

For those of you who didn't catch the Pyrologists game against Rejistania, they sat back, meaning that their opponents couldn't defend in their normal manner.

Schiavonia repeated the dose. And it worked! A complete overhaul of the team to a defensive 4-4-2, and the mindbenders didn't know what had hit them!

Especially goalkeeper Visnu Kanavan, who let two rather tame efforts from Tony Tarmey bobble past him. Oh dear.

Then all that the sloths had to do was hold on to a two goal lead. In Kudlastan, they failed to do this. In Rejistania, they didn't. The mindbenders' plan backfired, with just a single unstoppable Hinije~n I Teresil effort going in.

Instead of our usual interview with Rodney Lowe after the game, in which he tells us we'll be lucky if we finish fourth, we were treated to anti-Rejistanian head of the SFF Michael Ford. Cue classic rant!

"SyLy, Hexatux, where are you now, eh? Siki Rej, Laksu Kynsu, Hanselijimijile, your boys took one hell of a beating! Va'karela? Schma'karela! You hear this people of Rejistania? You lost to us! The almighty Schiavonia! You might bend your people's mind, but you'll never steal our freedom! No, because..."

At this point, Ford's microphone was unplugged by the Schiavone Television Department, who felt that he was embarrasing the nation's citizens. And for Ford's personal safety.

Elsewhere in the group, out predicted Progressan resurgence continued as they beat Kudlastan 1-0, giving the Sloths a massive five-point advantage over third place with four games to play.

Could there be an orange and scarlet contingent at the World Cup finals? There'll be a party if there is, but we'll probably lose every game from here on in and finish fifth.

Ratings
Rejistania: Kanavan 4; Ita 5, Isilyi 6, H~saldu 5, Viki 7, Sala 6; Exke 6, I Mji~l 6, Daki 5, I Teresil 6; Raju 6.
Schiavonia: Kershaw 9; O'Kane 8, Park 9, MARSDEN 10, Smith 8; Sanderson 7, Jones 9, Weir 8, Moore 8; McAndrew 7, Tarmey 8.

Final score
Rejistania 1 (I Teresil 78)
Schiavonia 2 (Tarmey 34, 46)

Group 4 Pl W D L F A Pts GD
1. Rejistania 8 6 1 1 11 3 19 +8
2. Schiavonia 8 5 2 1 19 13 17 +6
3. Kudlastan 8 4 0 4 5 6 12 -1
4. Cuation 7 2 2 3 9 7 8 +2
5. Pyrologists911 8 2 2 4 9 11 8 -2
6. Kaze Progressa 8 2 2 4 11 16 8 -5
7. Alexandrian Ptolemais 7 0 3 4 4 12 3 -8

Hiiraan

27-01-2006, 17:06

World Cup Reporters
Draw blamed on the B squad

After drawing the game against Rolatia which Hiiraan should have won, the team underground reporters came back with a harsh report yesterday, blaming couple of suptitude players for giving up chances to win. "I think some of these players may have been paid by Rolatia to secure their draw" said an anonimous player on the Hiiraanese Roster. "Criminially they should be tried, and physicially harmed" the player added angrily. we can never tie a team like Rolatia, they suck to be frank.

The team did not confirm no deny any rumors but the coach gave no sense he was pursuing this story un anyway to find out its legitimacy. "These Motherfuckers think they can be paid and go free" allegedly said Zakariya Mohamed, who was subtituded at the end of 59th minute to reserve him for the game against the Kazoo peoples. "I went there for a win, and I did not get that because of some stupid player?" he added. Some players allegedly were angry and going to confront the suspected cheaters.

Meanwhile, the Team prepared for the next game, hoping to win against a the Kazoo's second time around. "I don't know about this game" said Michael Nuur. "Hopefully we let this rumors behind and see how we are going to do on the next game, it sucks when you have drama inside your own team but to be honest, it really happens, shit Happens" he added. The Team now awaits to meet Kazoo peoples off a draw with Rolatia, and sitting in the top 3.

Rordia

27-01-2006, 20:37

TIGERS READY TO FACE TIGERS

Rordia are looking forward to their next match against Tadjikistan after brushing aside Jeruselem.
The Rordians won 4-1 after a sensational performance from Bob Downing. He scored a hat-trick and helped Tim Brick to get his 10th goal of the campaign. But Neil van der Wal's men suffered a setback late in the game after defender Michael Davidson was sent off for a horrible foul on a Jeruselem player.
Rordia are now back in 4th place, and a surprise win against the group leaders could see them go 3rd.
Van der Wal said: "We absolutely creamed Jeruselem today. Now we can look forward to Tadjikistan. We want all our fans to get behind the Tigers! Er, the Rordian Tigers!"

RordSport prediction
Heart says 2-1 to Rordia, head says 3-1 to the Tigers... the Tadjikistan Tigers.

The Islands of Qutar

27-01-2006, 21:53

Qutar Sports News Network

Good Morning Qutar, we're at the Five Civilized Nations stadium for the next game in Qutar's exciting progression through the qualifyings, Qutar are lying currently top of Group 8, and if they win today it will bring Qutar one step closer to qualification. It looks like the teams are coming out onto the pitch now, yes they are, and oh the roar of the fans in the stadium is incredible, the anthems have been sung and now its time for the game.

It looks like Five Civilized Nations have won the toss, and are going to kick off first, and the Number 10 starts the game off, Five Civilized Nations are starting strongly, with the Number 11 moving the ball forward, Gordon comes out to close him down, but he passes back to the Number 7, who pushes forward, getting past Gordon, and he sees the Number 10 making a move, he drills a pass to him, but well cut out by Lemkes there, and he gets it back up to Gordon, who making a break on the counter attack, he's got Ali and Siese ahead of him, he sees Siese gets the past through, the Number 2 comes out to challenge him, but Siese gets the past to Ali, who's clean on goal, and he slams it into the top right corner!!! 1-0 Qutar!! We're six minutes in and already Qutar are in the lead!!!

Five Civilized Nations start the match off again, the goal doesn't seem to have shaken them, in fact they seem more determined than ever, as they kick off the Number 9 is making strides through the midfield, he gets past Chris Saunders and Gordon, Lemkes is coming out to close him down, but he passes it to the Number 10 who's through on goal, he shoots and oh Stone manages to tip it over the bar, its gone for a corner, I think it will be the Number 7 to take the corner, yes he's going to take the corner, he swings it in, but Stone comes out and safely claims it as his own, and sends it back up the pitch, to Gordon who tries to break on the counter, but the Number 5 takes back possesion for Five Civilized Nations, and sends it back to the waiting players and Five Civilized Nations have got Qutar outnumbered but the Number 7 goes for the shot, what a save by Stone there, how did he pull that one off, well the crowd are loving his athletic display of goalkeeping, and so am I. It seems that both teams have tightened up things in the midfield and defence, with neither team getting through with any real chances on goal, and we are about forty minutes into the match, and Qutar seem to have relaxed a bit with only five minutes remaining, but its seems it might cost them as the Number 7 has broken through and he's got support in the form of the Number 10 and the Number 11, and he sees the Number 11 making a move, he passes to him, oh he's got past Kelly, he's on goal, but Stone is coming out, the Number 11 chips the ball over Stone, its hit the crossbar, and its coming back out, the Number 10 is running in and hits it home, oh no Five Civilized Nations have equalised things on the stroke of half time, where was Stone's defence?

As the teams come out for the second half, we can only wonder at what Paul Dove had to say to his players letting Five Civilized Nations equalise on the stroke of half time. The momentum will be with Five Civilized Nations and Qutar really need to push forward and put the game beyond Five Civilized Nations reach.

Its Qutar to start the second half off and Ali gets things started by passing to Siese, who makes a move forward but has lost possesion to the Number 7, who is making a move forward, and he has got support, he spots the Number 10 in space, he moves forward and gets past Kelly, and sees the Number 9 in space, passes the ball to him, and hes fires a shot in, Stone got his fingertips to it, its hit the post and rolled in, oh cruel fate, the woodwork in this stadium has something against Qutar!! Five Civilized Nations now lead 2-1....

Chris Saunders is really going to have to pull his team together, to come back from this, and he's having a talk with the team while Five Civilized Nations are celebrating, lets hope he can get his team back in focus.

Qutar start the match off again, and Siese starts making a move forward which Ali spots, and gives him the ball, and Siese it slicing through their midfield, he's outside the box he about to shoot, but the Number 4 lunges in with a badly timed tackle, and the referee will have to award a yellow card as he does, free kick to Qutar, Chris Saunders will take the free kick from just outside the box, he drills it in, but oh its hit the crossbar, but its come back out and Siese latches on to in, but its deflected off a defender for a corner. It will be Tomlin to take the corner, he gets it in and onto the head of Siese, but oh just over the bar for a goal kick. Its about twenty minutes into the second half and the momentum is definately on Qutar's side its just a matter of time till they score the equaliser, and its Parker on the ball at the moment, hes running down the right flank dancing past the Number 3, and he puts on a burst of pace and gets past the Number 2, and he gets a cross into Ali who's waiting in the box, he puts a brilliant header down to the bottom left corner of the goal, and its beaten the keeper!!!! Qutar have Equalised!!! The fans are going wild, and an eerie silence comes from Five Civilized Nations side of the stadium.

Five Civilized Nations start the match off again with the game all square but with the momentum definately on Qutar's side, and they have lost possesion allready, Gordon taking possesion of the ball, and spotting Tomlin making a run down the left wing, he gets it into Siese, who heads it, but only so far as Jim the Number 11's hands. He launches the ball into Qutar's half in a deperate bid to move his players forward, but it only goes so far as Chris Saunders, who immediatly moves forward, and the Qutari midfield are surgeing forward, stringing pass after pass, Chris Saunders to Gordon, Gordon to Parker, Parker to Tomlin, Tomlin to Ali, and Ali shoots its a goal!!! Qutar are in the lead 3-2!!, the crowd has gone wild, and oh not again! The goal has been disallowed for Ali being in an offside position. Lets look at the replay when he makes his run, oh he's is fractionally offside and I can only barely make out he is on the slowed down replay, how on earth did the lineman know, he should have given the benefit of the doubt, and thats certainly what the Qutari fans think. We're nearing the end of play, and it seems that Five Civilized Nations are trying to hold out till extra time when they can regroup but I don't see Qutar allowing that, and they're making another move forward and we're in the last couple of minutes, and Ali has got the ball see's Siese making a run, he gives it to Siese, he gets past the Number 7, now he's past the Number 3, he got the Number 4 and the Number 2 coming in for the tackle, but he skips over the tackle, he one on one with the goalkeeper, he hits the ball one way and runs the other round the goalkeeper, goes back to collect the ball, and hits it home, what a goal to win the game with!! What a goal!! And the crowd is going crazy as Siese runs to the away fans in the stadium in celebration, the referee blows his whistle to make it official, we are still top our Group, qualification is one game closer!

Five Civilized Nations 2 (1) - (1) 3 The Islands of Qutar
Number 10, 45 Ali, 6, 67
Number 11, 47 Siese, 90

Yellow Cards: Number 4

Casari

27-01-2006, 22:30

http://i16.photobucket.com/albums/b20/Casari/4sport.png

Did you say you wanted MORE ties?
Well, you're an idiot

That's right, another day resulted in another full set of three ties in Group 6. However, at least they were kinda-sorta-less-boring ties. Ones with goals.

You know, that didn't go that far as an excuse with us either.

"This is getting pathetic. Not only are we drawing every day, we're drawing against teams that we should be absolutely mauling." Coach Hill said while washing her car in the driveway. "Why the hell are you people here anyway? Get off my property or I'll call the police."

Next up on the schedule is the away match against the Yaforites, and then the away match against Turori. In those matches, Draws wouldn't be too bad. Wins would still be better, though.

Majeristan

27-01-2006, 22:46

Falcons see red after loss

Despite playing away to the team ranked number one in the group heading into the World Cup, the Majeristan Falcons played as well as they have played during the entire World Cup qualifying effort. However, the team had two goals disallowed due to "questionable" calls by the Commerce Heights referee and the Falcons dropped a 1-0 decision to One Red Dot that left the team fuming in the locker room.

"We can play anyone 11 on 11," Coach Hatime I. Ra~e said after the match. "But we cannot play 11 on 14 even if we play va'karela. That match was abysmali."

It wasn't the first time the Falcons (3-3-2) could leave a match questioning a call, but it evidently hurt the worst of all. The Falcons slipped one point behind Oaker for the final playoff spot in the group but won't be able to do anything to improve their lot since they're facing their bye week.

"Some people might say we have nothing to complain about since we're in the mix for the World Cup finals in our first go with four matches to go," midfielder Joe Taylor said. "We don't think like that. We want to be in position to buck the odds and make it to the World Cup finals and then do something great when we're there. Anything less than that is going to disappoint this team."

A debutant team making a run at the World Cup and feeling disappointment if it fails to advance may be uncommon, but it isn't unprecedented. Sarzonia were leading their group until the final two matches of World Cup XVI qualifying when the team had to play back-to-back away matches against the two top-ranked teams in the group. Predictably, the Stars lost both matches 2-0 to fall short of the Finals and ended up competing in the Cup of Harmony.

"We have our work cut out for us, especially playing Hypocria away," Ra~e said. "We got three points against them at National Stadium. Playing the Hyppodrome will be a lot harder than we expected. They'll be out for revenge."

New Montreal States

27-01-2006, 22:47

GOLDEN THRONE TOPPLED

Paladins rock, roll way to 1-0 win

SOMEWHERE IN THE NMS LOCKER ROOM - William Branstone looked at the end of his rope after the Paladin's 1-0 win over the Golden Throne. Not from the football, mind, but from the rock.

"Bloody zoo in here," said Branstone. "But they won, so I can't bitch too much."

Paladins teams are famous for their quirks, and this batch, from the Patriarch's Academy, favors massive stereos - and music that draws every bit of power from them. As an Eddie Van Halen solo blasted your correspondent's eardrum's into surrender, players showered, changed and joked around seemingly unaffected by the ruckus.

"Oh, sure, it's a great feeling," said Chad Tevis, after scoring the single goal midway through the first half. "Wonder why Coach is walking around with his teeth clenched and his face screwed up like that, though. It's not too loud in here, is it?"

"Hopefully my ears will be done ringing in time for the Stars," said Branstone in the relative quiet of his office. "This time we'll have to travel over there, and it won't be a pretty sight. A win will be a major step towards qualification, and a loss will be an equally major step towards the Cup of Harmony."

Hypocria

27-01-2006, 23:12

World Cup 26 News

Karelan Stalemate

System Karela 0 - 0 Hypocria

*yawn*

Elsewhere no one could get the upper hand in Group 12 after the other two matches also finished in draw, albeit with slightly more goals. Oaker stay top on goal difference after a six goal thriller in Majeristan but One Red Dot couldn’t capitalise after being surprisingly held 2 - 2 away at Palacetonia.

The group’s top three were finally separated after matchday 9, a matchday the Hyppos sat out. Top seeds One Red Dot are now clear at the top again after a narrow home win over third placed Majeristan. Oaker stay second after a goalless draw with who else but System Karela. Hurleyland move into fourth after a win over Palacetonia.
Region 12 Pts W D L GF:GA GD
1. One Red Dot 15 4 3 1 13:8 5
2. Oaker 13 3 4 1 16:8 8
3. Majeristan 12 3 3 2 13:10 3
4. Hurleyland 10 3 1 3 7:9 -2
5. System Karela 9 1 6 1 1:1 0
6. Hypocria 8 2 2 3 9:15 -6
7. Palacetonia 4 1 1 6 9:17 -8
So that leaves Hypocria, mighty champions of Atlantian Oceania, in sixth place in Group 12. That’s a mere six points off top spot and behind such sporting greats as Hurleyland and the accursed System Karela. But we’ve got four home matches on the spin to put all that right starting with the visit of Oaker to Hypocrium. In the reverse fixture the Sharks hit the Hyppos for six so now it’s payback time. And don’t think we’ve forgotten that 4 - 1 defeat in Majeristan, we've got the Falcons in our sights too. And do not even get us started on Palacetonia . . .

Qualification Schedule

Hypocria v System Karela (Oceanside Stadium, Pylos) (1 - 0)
Bye
Oaker v Hypocria (6 - 0)
Hurleyland v Hypocria (1 - 4)
Majeristan v Hypocria (4 - 1)
One Red Dot v Hypocria (2 - 2)
Hypocria v Palacetonia (Drissa Sports Arena, Drissa) (1 - 2)
System Karela v Hypocria (0 - 0)
Bye
Hypocria v Oaker (Hyppodrome, Hypocrium)
Hypocria v Hurleyland (Oceanside Stadium, Pylos)
Hypocria v Majeristan (Hyppodrome, Hypocrium)
Hypocria v One Red Dot (Hyppodrome, Hypocrium)
Palacetonia v Hypocria

Rejistania

27-01-2006, 23:44

"Maniac" was not pleased. Of course he was not really insane, he just calculated what is most effective to make the team a bit more attack minded. The monks would tell everyone how bad they performed and what dishonor it was to concede. Seletarakeledira Hanselijimijile decided to go down to the 'cave' of Rej'he (his phone was again not plugged in). He was surprised then he saw Siki packing a big backpack (and filled it with electronic equipment). "'jida weird one!" Siki said when "Maniac" entered.

"'jida weird one! What do you do? You leave?" asked
Hanselijimijile'he.

"I am no longer exploitee* of the ASR, I quit!" Siki outlined he budget problems.

"What do you do now?" asked the national coach.

"Write applications! There should be a place for a programmer like me. Kesi lets me sleep in the 15 until I found something!" Kesi was Kesimaru Hana, a friend of Siki. "Oh, I saw the match... how about playing a systemkarelan opponent in a friendly so they have to attack?"

"They won't! result'll be 0:0!"

"How about including a Commie into the team?"

"A commie?"

"The Communist Rejistanians never were karelized, see?"

"Problem: The commierejistanians are crap!"

"Right... How about... " Siki Rej whispers something to the selekn, who smiles.

*This is how Siki said it in Rejistanian, there is no adequate English translation, which exists.

New Manhattan

27-01-2006, 23:52

Matchday 10 scores (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=10310925&postcount=10) are now up.

The Kazoo Peoples: Your scorination request is noted.

Rejistania did not receive a bonus for their last RP, which is good, because their opponent might have conceded otherwise. :p

The Gupta Dynasty

28-01-2006, 00:03

Ties Abound, All Around

Game 6
Yafor 2 0 - Turori 0

TURORI - There was, once again, a feeling of camaraderie between players of both teams, despite their difference in ranking. There was friendly banter between the players and their coaches prior to the game, with each side taking note of various comments made by the other as well as making off-the-record comments for themselves. All in all, each team was having a grand time.

Not so on the pitch. It was wet, a layer of mud, not uncommon to Atlantian Oceanian nations obscuring the pitch, and everytime the players' boots (called "cleats" in less fanatical cultures) touched the deceptively-hard-looking-but-actually-mushy ground, they either stuck or tripped up the innocent player. Thus, the ball went skidding and the player went flying.

That was the story of the game. Niether team could manage the rough terrain and what eventually occured was that the ball did the running and the players did not succeed in scoring anything, resulting in what many call the famous "0-0 is evil".

Game 6
Yafor 2 1 - Rolatia 1

THE ZYDRAKOS DOME, AJER, YAFOR 2 - The people of Yafor 2 were excited. Nay, excitement was an understatement for the emotion, the undercurrent of pure joy, of exhuberance, of happieness which ran through the entire city like a tidal wave. This was their second gamr at home, and that was not unusual, but what was was that this was their first since the first game. And it was exciting.

The game itself was nothing special; typical Yaforite defense, a Gerod Flamer 56th minute goal, and a Rolatian penalty, on an undisputable call which resulted in a Thia Boley yellow card, the first such card for the Yaforites, but the atmophere was one of splendour. The entire stdium buzzed with action, with pure and simply, the joy of being back in the stadium cheering for the team one loves and would die for.

Game 7
Yafor 2 0 - Swilatia 0

THE ZYDRAKOS DOME, AJER, YAFOR 2 - The Golden Wolves had beaten them once before, but the umcoming game against Casair robbed their interest. They were so busy preparing for the other contest that they forgot the game at hand, the game against 83d ranked Swilatia! Nonetheless, their defense showed mettle in a disappointing result.

Sarzonia

28-01-2006, 00:05

To: World Cup Committee
From: Terrence Mangione
Chairman, Incorporated Football Federation
Subject: World Cup XXVI hosts

Noting Sarzonia's most recent 2-2 draw to Apologetic Kittens, a team far below it in the world rankings as the most recent blatant example of widespread corruption, the Incorporated Football Federation is left with no other choice but to request a formal inquiry into the conduct of Commerce Heights as World Cup XXVI hosts.

We also wish to extend our formal notice that we request to have Commerce Heights removed as World Cup hosts and, preferrably, they be forbidden to ever host the World Cup again. The Board of Governors of the IFF have unanimously passed a Vote of No Confidence with respect to the ability of Commerce Heights to run a World Cup fairly and impartially and without excess financial gain.

One need only look at the Stars' match against Apologetic Kittens for examples of this corruption. Commerce Heights officials disallowed a goal for "offside" when forward Kevin Wilson visibly waited until midfielder Jenna Raven played the ball toward the goal before he ran past the defenders to head the ball into the net in the 68th minute. In addition, calling defender Mike Coyle for a penalty in the area when he barely made contact with the offensive player in the 84th minute to allow Apologetic Kittens to draw level have demonstrated conclusively that Commerce Heights should not now, nor should they ever, operate a World Cup.

We are continuing to consider our options should this request be ignored as we expect it likely will be.

Wentland

28-01-2006, 00:34

It was easy enough against Collonie. Although the Men In Green had been impressive in the qualification group thus far they seemed to have run out of steam for the trip to sunny Warpstone and a goal early in each half by Morgan and Ollis respectively ensured a further three points for the Wents. The main joy came in keeping a clean sheet for the first time.

Now came a match that had turned into a major test - in an entirely unexpected way. Wentland had expected to be in the bottom two in the group and playing for pride. Suddenly, however, after the turn they found themselves three points off a qualifiation place - with a game in hand against the team in second...and them to play...

The Wents prepared with a friendly against Walled City game in Crowhurst, a monotonous concreteville which had attracted all sorts of odd communities. A product of the Commonwealth Party, that had run the area, it was street after street of low-rise tower blocks of indistinguishable identicality. Graph paper is sold in the shops as a town plan. In many towns you get lost because the streets wend in an interesting direction, alleyways piled on top of passages on top of viaducts on top of metros; in Crowhurst you get lost because everything looks the same.

The couple of million locals know their way around. They know the Epsilon District, where philosophers expound on whether Crowhurst is a utilitarian paradise or a uniformitarian paradigm. The Satellite District, where practically everyone is a soapstar lookalike. The Origen District, which is owned and inhabited by one large sprawling family. And the Atitlan District, where you can watch romantic poets take each other on in sonnet slams.

There are really two features of note in Crowhurst. One is the municipal park which covers a district area - some wryly call it the Oxygen District - and provides much-needed greenery for the locals. The other is the football ground. Crowhurst is home to an almost resolutely middle-of-the-table team of no superstars who are capable on their day of winning well; a couple of Cup wins in the last ten years added an unusual splash of colour (red) to the monochrome town.

The Wentland FA seemed to think that the hypnotic seven mile drive from the outskirts to the ground would somehow enable the Wentland team to get some sort of handle on the Nanakabird philosophy, as building after building after building after building after building after building after building after building after building after building after building after building after building after building after building after building might give them tunnel vision and zen them to victory.

The ground itself mirrors the town; four blocks of concrete, featureless, faceless, holding 24,000 give or take. The fans themselves were known in Wentland for their unusual chants, including the Sarcasm Song and "You Must Have Come In A Hearse" for the goth gangs following Vanian United. Maybe the subtle blend of knowing irony would somehow aid the Wentland team to cope with whatever would face them in Nanakaland.

The game with Walled City was not much of a test, a second-string eleven taking over at half-time and completing an 8-0 rout; however the hope of Edgar Bluff and the boys in royal blue was that the otherworldly atmosphere would acclimatize the team.

Chicanada

28-01-2006, 00:43

Chicanada Daily Rabbler

New Region Debut Falls Flat

Hoping for a strong showing after the team swiched homelands, instead they were smashed by regional rivals Vilita today at the Depot Center.

Its been a long stretch since the Kodiaks scored a point against the Jungle Cats back on Matchday 3. While ties against Crystilakere and Euroslavia have kept them only 7 points out of the second slot, they have one rather ugly loss to unknown Hoolabaloola that the National Side will need to get revenge with if they hope to keep up with Cystilakere as they continue a four-game homestand.

With three more home dates in the southern area of Chicanada, hopes are high for at least two wins to inch them closer. Their best chance should be in the return matches against Hoolabaloo and Gruenberg, but nothing, especially when dealing with the Kodiak National Team, is ever certain.

The Kodiak qualifying schedule will be as follows:
Matchday 1: v Euroslavia (W 2-1) (@ Stadia Lis, Acadia)
Matchday 2: off day
Matchday 3: @ Vilita (T 2-2)
Matchday 4: @ Hoolabaloola (L 2-1)
Matchday 5: @ Gruenberg (T 2-2)
Matchday 6: @ Crystilakere (T 0-0)
Matchday 7: v North Fenris (W 2-0) (@ Governess Palace, Colombo) (last game held in The Exodus)
Matchday 8: @ Euroslavia (T 1-1)
Matchday 9: off day
Matchday10: v Vilita (L 4-1) (@ Depot Centre, Cana) (debut in Atlantian Oceania)
Matchday11: v Hoolabaloola (@ City Grounds Stadia, Southampton)
Matchday12: v Gruenberg (@ TroutCo Field, Cana)
Matchday13: v Crystilakere (@ Southampton National Square)
Matchday14: @ North Fenris

In other footy news, the CFA is expected to announce after the Qualifiers if Clint Dempsey is retiring to continue managing Southampton and who could replace him.

Chicanada could play host in the upcomming Cup of Harmony! CSF Presidum Jaquee Moriseete stated in a press conference the nation would submit a solo bid to host the tournament, which sees non-qualified for the NSWorld Cup compete for their own trophy. Apparently the bid will be submitted regardless of the Kodiaks final placing. Should the Kodiak Nation loose in it's bid, expectations are high the CSF will submit a bid to host the Baptism of Fire. No word on trying to host a World Cup, considering the CSF and CFA are still working on getting facillities ready for the CFL season.

Finally, CFA leaders are keeping an eye on complaints concerning the running of the current World Cup. With one nation withdrawing and regional neighbor Sarzonia pushing for Host (and also a regional neighbor) Commerce Heights (where Oliverry, the other host, went is uncertain) to be removed, the CFA is concerned about the effects it could have on the NS World Cup Movement (let alone the nation's odd position as it's not quite on any piece of land within the Atlantian Oceana). The Government, still in transition since the move from The Exodus, had no comments but expectations are that they can't stay quiet for long.

The Kazoo Peoples

28-01-2006, 01:13

While two other teams won today in Group 6, The Kazoo Peoples drew with the Hiiraan, extending their streak of drawn games by one (streak stands at three).

Although, to the Kazoos' credit, the match was not a scoreless one, as one goal was scored. It follows that the final score was 1-1. Yafor 2 defeated current group leader Casari 1-0, moving Yafor 3 within 2 points of the lead and within only one point of the Kazoos. But that wasn't the only group movement of the day -- as #8-ranked Turori lost to #83 Swilatia 2-1, also moving Swilatia within one point of the Kazoos. The Hiiraanese moved within one point of said draw with the Kazoos.

Region 6 Pts W D L GF:GA GD
1. Casari 14 3 5 1 12:8 4
2. The Kazoo Peoples 12 2 6 1 13:9 4
3. Yafor 2 11 2 5 1 8:7 1
4. Swilatia 11 2 5 2 12:12 0
5. Hiiraan 11 3 2 3 16:18 -2
6. Turori 9 1 6 2 15:15 0
7. Rolatia 5 0 5 3 5:12 -7

The match started out with a Hiiraan goal, Souad to Michael Nuur at minute 14. The Kazoos were silent until half.

Coach Manni Aka claimed that, "we were still tired from the jet lag. That might explain our abysmal performance in the first half."

But after an inspirational speech at the half, the Kazoos came roaring back, as Rudy Johnson gave it up through space to Jim Johnson, his brother in the penalty box! He shoots... and is unfairly challenged by Abdul-Jabar Salam. Salam is given a yellow card, and Jim Johnson is awarded with a penalty kick.
"He shoots left, as Jamaa dives to his left, mismatching the kick, as it sails past him into the opposite corner, GOOOOAL! Kazoos knot it at 1," one commentator commented.

Nothing much happened for the rest of the match, and the score finished at 1-1.

---
As overheard on one of the Kazoo Peoples' many buses:

"So, I can finally go to bed early -- no soccer match tonight."

"That's not true -- the Kazoos have scheduled a friendly match for tomorrow with Schiavonia at Kazoo City Kola Stadium. I wanted to get some tickets, but they were all sold out."

"Oh, great! That means that they can get some more points, making qualification easier!"

"Not exactly. You see, a friendly actually means no points to be earned, just pride, and international cooperation and sportsmanship."

"Then why schedule one if we can't do any better with another match?"

"Well, international friendliness may gain us better favor when seeking out a fellow co-host for World Cup 27."

"You mean, they're submitting a bid?"

"Oddly enough, they may actually be. But a World Cup hosting job requires two hosts. I worry about our inexperience in the soccer world -- I honestly think no one will vote for us."

"Wouldn't it be better off not submitting a bid at all?"

"Most likely. But if the Kazoos find a co-host, they will definitely submit a bid. Though this is unlikely, as a joint bid with such an inexperienced nation will probably result in a failed bid, while a bid with another, more-experienced team could produce a successful bid."

"Oh, I see. How likely are the Kazoos' chances of finding a co-host?"

"Slim to none. I went down to Monte Carlico this weekend, and bookies are putting a Kazoo host at 1,000,000,000 to 1."

"Wow. That sucks."

"Oh, well. It just means that we need more experience, and we will earn it over the coming years."

The Kazoo Ministry of Sport was said to have made K$45 million on the sale of tickets to the friendly.
---
Qualifying Schedule (UPDATED THROUGH MD10):

Matchday 1:

HOME AWAY
Turori 4:0 Rolatia
Casari 1:0 The Kazoo Peoples
Yafor 2 2:1 Swilatia

Hiiraan does not play

Matchday 2:

HOME AWAY
The Kazoo Peoples 1:1 Turori
Swilatia 1:1 Casari
Hiiraan 1:0 Rolatia

Yafor 2 does not play

Matchday 3:

HOME AWAY
Turori 3:3 Swilatia
Casari 1:1 Yafor 2
The Kazoo Peoples 3:1 Hiiraan

Rolatia does not play

Matchday 4:

HOME AWAY
Casari 1:1 Turori
Hiiraan 3:2 Yafor 2
Rolatia 0:0 Swilatia

The Kazoo Peoples does not play

Matchday 5:

HOME AWAY
Hiiraan 5:2 Turori
Rolatia 0:2 Casari
The Kazoo Peoples 1:1 Yafor 2

Swilatia does not play

Matchday 6:

HOME AWAY
Turori 0:0 Yafor 2
Swilatia 4:1 Hiiraan
The Kazoo Peoples 2:2 Rolatia

Casari does not play

Matchday 7:

HOME AWAY
Casari 5:3 Hiiraan
Yafor 2 1:1 Rolatia
Swilatia 0:3 The Kazoo Peoples

Turori does not play

Matchday 8:

AWAY HOME
Turori 1:1 Rolatia
Casari 0:0 The Kazoo Peoples
Yafor 2 0:0 Swilatia

Hiiraan does not play

Matchday 9:

AWAY HOME
The Kazoo Peoples 2:2 Turori
Swilatia 1:1 Casari
Hiiraan 1:1 Rolatia

Yafor 2 does not play

Matchday 10:

AWAY HOME
Turori 1:2 Swilatia
Casari 0:1 Yafor 2
The Kazoo Peoples 1:1 Hiiraan

Rolatia does not play

Matchday 11:

AWAY HOME
Casari v Turori
Hiiraan v Yafor 2
Rolatia v Swilatia

The Kazoo Peoples do not play a World Cup 26 game today,
but they have a friendly:
Schiavonia at Kazoo Peoples, Kazoo City Kola Stadium

Matchday 12:

AWAY HOME
Hiiraan v Turori
Rolatia v Casari
The Kazoo Peoples v Yafor 2

Swilatia does not play

Matchday 13:

AWAY HOME
Turori v Yafor 2
Swilatia v Hiiraan
The Kazoo Peoples v Rolatia

Casari does not play

Matchday 14:

AWAY HOME
Casari v Hiiraan
Yafor 2 v Rolatia
Swilatia v The Kazoo Peoples

Turori does not play

Kazoos progress in WC26:

MD1: loss to Casari 1-0, away
MD2: draw with Turori 1-1, home
MD3: win over Hiiraan 3-1, home
MD4: OFF
MD5: draw with Yafor 2 1-1, home
MD6: draw with Rolatia 2-2, home
MD7: win over Swilatia 3-0, away
---
MD8: draw with Casari 0-0, home
MD9: draw with Turori 2-2, away
MD10: draw with Hiiraan 1-1, away
MD11: Friendly: Schiavonia, home
MD12: Yafor 2, away
MD13: Rolatia, away
MD14: Swilatia, home

The Kazoo Peoples: Your scorination request is noted.

[[OOC:Thank you very much!]]

Liverpool England

28-01-2006, 02:07

Syku Lyku hits out at Ford
Head of the SFF Michael Ford is in hot water with FALE chairman Syku Lyku. This comes following Ford's post-match comments in Schiavonia's 2-1 shock win over Lyku's native country, Rejistania. Lyku, now a naturalised Liverpool Englander who still holds a Rejistanian passport, was unhappy that Ford had included his name in the diatribe against Rejistanians.

"I will be pressing charges against Mr. Ford in a Liverpool England court. His comments were unacceptable, and I do not see how he can get away with it. If Mr. Ford wants to publicly retract his statement, I welcome him to. Otherwise, we'll meet in court."

Islands of Qutar take another two points away from Terminators
The Islands of Qutar have done what no other new team has done - take two points from games against the Terminators. Following the two team's 0-0 draw in Orean, the Terminators went to Qutar knowing full well a loss was possible.

The Terminators' recent form has been close to abysmal, winning just two games out of nine - drawing six - and are barely in the qualifications slots on goal difference. If the Terminators miss out on this cup it would have been only the 4th time qualification has not been achieved, and would be sure to cost Douglas Freech his job.

[NS]Bazalonia

28-01-2006, 02:13

"Bazalopes Draw..." By Nev Gould

1 win out of 9 matches... That is the sad story of the Bazalopes as they have failed to beat the 184th ranked Collonie team for the 2nd time. Last time it was a thrashing... no noe is quite sure why the Collonie team dominated... Some people think they had steroids, others think that a go-slow powder was put in the Bazalopes drinking water, others think that the Bazalopes just plain suck. Support for the latter option has grown during the latest match where the Bazalopes managed to get three goals in the first half. Then seemed to totally run out of steam for the second half. Allowing the Collonie team to score three goals and drawing the game. Not only that but the Collonie team challenged the 2nd of Bazalopes 3rd goals... the umpire held his ground and the replay was not conclusive.

The head of the BFSA, James Gaines has refused our requests for interviews but has released a press statement. "It seems that some otherworldy forces are forceing our players too loose. There is no other reason for players as good as ours to be languishing on the bottom of the Table. We have contaced psychics and they beleive that we are all in a game called 'Nationstates' and the soccer scores are generated by a computer program. This is not the view of the BFSA but we are open to possibilites like interferance from a divine scorinator."

Unfortunately those are the type of comments people expect from a local lune. However we have yet to find one within Bazalonia, maybe James Gaines will become our official local lune? Let's just see after our away game on matchday 12 in Wentland.

Kericia

28-01-2006, 02:16

Dead. Last.

by Tim Roberts
Kericia City Post

The future looked so bright after World Cup 24.

Kericia had just completed their second Cup, and once again barely missed out on qualifying. Afterwards, head coach Ken Peterson, the man that brought the Kericians from absolute obscurity to the brink of the World Cup proper, suddenly retired.

There was much debate about who would replace this legend, and ultimately Robert Friske was chosen as his sucessor. Friske was a popular choice, and was expected to lead Kericia to the next level, and some wondered if this was the first step towards World Cup greatness.

Obviously, it was not to be.

Kericia suffered a dismal campaign in World Cup 25 in Friske's first year, and for the first time Kericia was never in contention to advance past the qualifying round. Nevertheless, Kericia maintained their ranking as one of the top 50 teams in the world, and the team remained optimistic entering their fourth World Cup. The team's struggles were blamed on Friske, but he was retained as head coach.

Qualifying seemed very feasible at the time - Kericia was ranked third in Group 1, and not too distant a third at that. Let's see how that worked out:
Region 1 Pts W D L GF:GA GD Q/E
1. Sarzonia 20 6 2 1 18:5 13
2. EL CID THE HERO 17 5 2 2 19:9 10
3. County Islands 13 4 1 3 14:16 -2
4. Star Signs 10 2 4 3 14:16 -2
5. Montrique 8 2 2 4 15:18 -3
6. Apologetic Kittens 7 1 4 4 11:20 -9 E
7. Kericia 6 1 3 4 14:21 -7

No, that's not a misprint. It all started with a mediocre draw with Apologetic Kittens, and since then, Kericia has struggled to compete with "powerhouses" such as County Islands and Star Signs, and has only managed one win, against Montrique. With yet another early elimination, this appears to be Friske's last stint as coach.

New Montreal States

28-01-2006, 02:25

PALADINS GET STOKED FOR TRIP TO STARBLAYDIA

1-0 win against Clans has Branstone smelling blood on the way to Starblaydia

THE ALLIED STATES OF THE LOWLAND CLANS - Yves Lecoeur whipped a dazzling penalty shot at 48 minutes in after getting knocked down, and then had to leave play with a minor concussion. By the end of the match, all that was forgotten.

"The Men in Mauve have it coming," vowed William Branstone, manager of the Paladins. "We owe it to them and to every last inhabitant of the States after that painful farce of a football match back at the Dome," refering to the 5-2 victimization of the Paladins before a sold-out Paladin Dome in New Montreal.

A second consecutive solid defensive effort by the Paladins has all but fallen by the wayside, as Branstone and the side from Frog's Academy take to the pitch with a bloody single-mindedness that, quite frankly, scared the shit out of your correspondent. "If we lose there, it will not be from lack of effort," vowed team captain Giles Leboeuf, and this seems to be the mantra of everyone even remotely involved in Paladins football for this match.

And the match against the Stars? One group of people, at least, appears to be perfectly happy with what they've done - the side from Medlerville High, holding their heads high after "doing what we set out to do," in the words of midfielder Cory Bennet, and taking both matches of the Clans series. Not only that, but they even managed to do it in Bigtopia, without a rebellion flaring up. A remarkable job, but one not much noticed.

See you in Starblaydia.

Schiavonia

28-01-2006, 02:27

The Schiavone Scribe
ALEX? WHO THE **** IS ALEX?
Alexandrian Ptolemais 1-2 Schiavonia

OK, we're getting to the serious end of this qualifying lark now...

And for one of the most inexperienced teams in the World Cup to still be putting forward a bid not only to qualify, but to challenge the dominance of the mighty mindbenders Rejistania at the top of the Group Four table is almost mindblowing!

Yesterday's encounter against Alexandrian Ptolemais saw Schiavonia change back to their usual 4-3-3 formation, with Gary Topp replacing CJ Moore despite Moore's high level of performance against the junis-omeh.

After a few games of backs-to-the-wall stuff, Schiavonia returned to swashbuckling style against the Alex, and somehow managed to score a massive... two goals.

But, hey, it was fun to watch, if not more than just a little frustrating at times for the orange and scarlet contingent following the Sloths, as chances went begging and crosses went unmet.

It was a bit like watching a different team, but the goals came eventually. Not before falling behind, though.

An unusual mistake from Arnold O'Kane meant that Kent Taylor got a shot. And it went in. Damn.

Still, the day was saved in the end when Filipo Schiavone came on, won a free-kick that Kenny Sanderson scored, then scored one himself, thus saving the more dominant team from embarrasement.

2-1. And Schiavonia are guarenteed a top five place, so we're guarenteed to be about average. At least. Alex are out though. Poor fellas.

It's rest matchday next time, so it should be fun going to The Kazoo Peoples for a friendly kick around while watching the rest of the group trying to catch the sloths up. And probably succeeding, but still...

We can enjoy it while it lasts.

Ratings
Alexandrian Ptolemais: Herd 8; Walker 8, Clarkson 7, Chettleburgh 8, Trotter 8; Chamberlain 7, Shand 7, Rodgers, 7, Dempsey 6; Taylor 7, Young 6.
Schiavonia: Kershaw 7; O'Kane 5, Park 6, Marsden 7, Smith 6; Sanderson 8, Jones 7, Weir 7; Topp 6 (SCHIAVONE [64 min] 9), McAndrew 7, Tarmey 7.

Final score
Alexandrian Ptolemais 1 (Taylor 57)
Schiavonia 2 (Sanderson 68, Schiavone 75)

Group 4 Pl W D L F A Pts GD
1. Rejistania 9 6 2 1 11 3 20 +8
2. Schiavonia 9 6 2 1 21 14 20 +7
3. Kudlastan 9 4 1 4 5 6 13 -1
4. Cuation 8 3 2 3 10 7 11 +3
5. Pyrologists911 8 2 2 4 9 11 8 -2
6. Kaze Progressa 9 2 2 5 11 17 8 -6
7. Alexandrian Ptolemais 8 0 3 5 5 14 3 -9

- - - - - - - - - - -

Michael Ford is back at his lawyer's office, Marshall and Law.

"So what's the problem now."

"You're being sued over your rant."

"Why?"

"You said that SyLy is Rejistanian."

"And..."

"He's not."

"Oh."

"So he'll take you court unless you apologise publicly!"

"Aw hell."

"So are you going to apologise?"

"Can't we just take the nation of Liverpool England to court?"

"What for?"

"Being Liverpool England?"

"I'm afraid that it is not a crime to be a particular nation, Mr. Ford."

"Really?"

"Well... actually, it is illegal to be some place called Aquilla, but apart from that."

"Oh. Well..."

"Apology?"

"Yes."

"Oh, and there's a few others who might be after you, to..."

- - -

Ford: "I would like to make this announcement on behalf of myself, Michael Ford, to everyone on this list here. To SyLy of Liverpool England, who I may have accidentally called a Rejistanian, to the people of Rejistania, who might have taken my words offensively, to the people of Schiavonia, who I have caused unreserved embarrasement, to the SFF for having such a fool in charge, to the people of Kaze Progressa for having a really crappy football team, to the people of Hiiraan for calling them Hiiraani, to the people of Turori for me telling the Hiiraanese that their nation is actually caller Tutori, to the people of PopularFreedom, who I've probably done something to, to the people of Liverpool England, who I think I said something bad about earlier that I didn't mean really, and to the people of Total n Utter Insanity for being Insanician."

New Montreal States

28-01-2006, 02:43

"A friendly? D'you think?"

"Worth a shot."

Two faceless bureaucrats were speaking in the Ministry of Morale in New Montreal.

"Who's on our list?"

"Five Civilized Nations?"

"Anyone managed to get in touch with the Cherokee, Creek, Choctaw, Chickasaw, and Seminoles lately?"

"Nope. Never mind that, then. Oaker?"

"Even more out-of-touch. EL CID THE HERO?"

"We've seen them lately, so it might be a good match, but they is out to lunch also."

"Casari?"

"Possible. Put a little star next to them."

PALADINS TO CHALLENGE CASARI TO FRIENDLY ON BYE

Ministry awaiting Casarian reply

NEW MONTREAL - The Ministry of Morale announced today that they would challenge Casari to a friendly on their bye day "here or there, it doesn't really matter," said a Ministry spokesman. They're waiting for a reply right now.

That's about it, really.

The Archregimancy

28-01-2006, 03:54

THE ARCHREGIMANCY BRINGS YOU

THE MONASTIC TIMES

DEATH OF SENIOR BISHOP ROCKS ARCHREGIMANCY
Football Result 'Inconsequential'

By Fr. Nicholas the Scribe

The Archregimancy was rocked last night by the news of the death of Metropolitan Mark of Pantocrator, chair of the Holy Synod's Committee on External Relations.

Preparations are already being made for the funeral, with a notable lack of foreign dignitaries invited on the grounds that few non-Orthodox really have the leg muscles to stand up for without eating for more than three hours in a crowded cathedral while the air is thick with incense.*

"We don't want to embarrass foreigners, that's all - no offence intended" said a senior archimandrite, speaking on condition of anonymity. The sole exceptions were said to be a representative of the Basileus of the Holy Empire and the Patriarch of Alasdairopolis, and an invitation was also being extended to the Patriarch of the Autocephalous Orthodox Church of New Montreal States.

In other news, the Archregimancy played Oglethorpia at home last night, but the result was overshadowed by the death of Metropolitan Mark. A result and report can nonetheless be found on page 46, buried in the icon for sale classifieds, in the smallest possible font, upside down, back to front, and written in the Georgian alphabet. Cynics may claim that this obscures a poor result for the home team, but cynics know the price of everything, but the value of nothing, and the rest of us will go back to mourning the much-loved Metropolitan Mark.

[*OOC: Seriously. You should try this - it's not easy. When my wife's grandfather (a RL Moscow Patriarchate archpriest) died, the non-Orthodox were fainting in droves. And that was before the _second_ service at the burial site]

Jeruselem

28-01-2006, 06:27

Jeruselem Government News

Hand of GodRordia does IT AGAIN

Anyone who takes on the Tadjikistan Tigers know it's not some team which plays badly. They are not the top seed but still hard to beat. Rordia just turned up after beating Jeruselem 4-1 and then won 3-0. Oh yes, Rordia can play - they have beaten the top 2 in this group and move to 3rd. The Tigers have lost a 2nd game and all the 2nd half of this period. We wanted to Tigers to win but Rordia showed it's potential as giant killers again.

Jeruselem took on Milchama after getting smacked by Rordia 4-1 earlier. People just write us off because because of this kind of loss, but Milchama didn't do the job. Jeruselem won 3-2 and pushed Milchama down to 4th after Rordia's upset. Jeruselem's defense maybe fragile but we have TEETH. We score goals when we need them.

McPsychoville basically knocked out Artoonia when they won 1-0. However they are 9 points behind the Tigers and need to catch up badly from the lower half of the table.

Race City had the bye and well, look in danger of being knocked out real early too.

Hockey Canada didn't win a game, but drew with The Weegies 1 ALL. Not the best but it's a point towards glory. Krytenia fell to Spaam! Spaam won 2-1 and help Hockey Canada's quest to be the best team in Group 2.

Nedalia got held up by Harlesburg 1 ALL. It's not a loss but the Lions need wins. Better than a loss and hey, they have an unbeaten streak going.

Group 15 - Top 2 are 5 and 6 points clear of 3rd. 4th is a point behind 3rd. It's upto 3rd and 4th to make the move or else the favourites will be happy. Can Rordia do beat the lower teams which seem to trip them up or will Milchama recover from it's loss. The others can go home saying we played World Cup 26 with the best as we can't see them making the top half now.

We note Jeruselem have bye 2nd game from last and the Tigers don't play on match day 14. Here, the other can take advantage assuming they actually win their games.

Group 2
Spaam 2 Krytenia 1
The Weegies 1 Hockey Canada 1
FSX 0 Northern Voobaha 1

Group 9
Nanakaland 0 Squornshelous 4
Harlesburg 1 Nedalia 1
Collonie 3 Bazalonia 3

Group 15
Rordia 3 Tadjikistan 0
Milchama 2 Jeruselem 3
McPsychoville 1 Artoonia 0

Region 15 Pts W D L GF:GA GD
1. Tadjikistan 19 6 1 2 24:10 14
2. Jeruselem 18 6 0 3 25:22 3
3. Rordia 13 4 1 4 23:22 1
4. Milchama 12 4 0 4 21:22 -1
5. McPsychoville 10 3 1 4 15:19 -4
6. Race City 8 2 2 4 11:15 -4
7. Artoonia 7 2 1 6 9:18 -9 E

Giant Zucchini

28-01-2006, 06:40

Another Own Goal!
Episode 8: Tight Fight

You know the scene…dark…couch…green fingered fella…well the difference is now the green fella is back to what he was in the first few episodes.

“…and it is certainly a commendable effort by the Zucchinis here today. They have controlled the game and reduced Cockbill Street to a few long range potshots at goal. However, up front they are not making the most of their chances. Granted, its Sergey Akayev’s first international after injuries to both Nuvolari and de Silva, but the Zucchinis will be happy with a point here today. But the ball is down the left for Cockbill Street, they are terrorizing the Zucchini defence at the moment, and they are looking to play in the cross but that’s a tackle there by Gimeno. Good play by Cockbill Street to draw the foul there. Will Cockbill Street snatch a late winner here? It’s a good flighted ball to the far post AND IT’S THERE! A towering header by the striker almost drew a breathtaking save from Laredo but even his powerful touch couldn’t stop it from sneaking into the top corner. The home crowd is silenced and understandably so. The Zucchinis must be heartbroken after that goal. There’s not much time left for the Zucchinis to find their deserved equalizer…”

To be continued…

Giant Zucchini’s Department of Number Crunching and Data Spewing presents:

Match stats:

Giant Zucchini - 0

Cockbill Street - 1
(87)

Giant Zucchini stats:

Top Goalscorers:
Johann Rilke – 4
Absamat Chekhov – 2
Armand Boyer – 2
Gottlieb Poulsen – 2
Dino Nuvolari - 2
Mikhail Glinka – 1
Arturo Bardi – 1

Yellow Cards:
Dino Nuvolari – 1
Domingo Ferrero – 1
Armand Boyer – 1
Gottlieb Poulsen – 1

Red Cards:
Mikhail Glinka – 1

Andossa Se Mitrin Vega

28-01-2006, 07:42

ASMV Lose Close Match to TnUI

Group 3
Andossa Se Mitrin Vega 0 Total n Utter Insanity 1
Lethislavania 1 Spruitland 5
Very Angry Rabbits 2 Errinundera 0

This is Kellan Kildan of the ASMV Football News Network

The Sea Dragons needed desperately to earn a point in the match against TnUI today. Unfortunately TnUI won their 4th consecutive match over the ASMV squad by a 1-0 score, just like the other 3.

The loss today put the Sea Dragons in a difficult spot. The squad now trails Spruitland by 6 points and Denhy by 4, with just three matches remaining.

New Manhattan

28-01-2006, 09:09

From: Brad Liang (CEO, Capitalizt SLANI)
To: Terrence Mangione (Chairman, Incorporated Football Federation)
CC: World Cup Committee
Subject: World Cup XXVI hosts

First of all, I apologize for any incidents of poor officiating that may have occurred in World Cup 26 qualifying matches. While we always hire officials with a history of good calls, especially for such important competitions as this, there can never be a guarantee that they will stay honest.

However, we find the claim of your organization that Capitalizt SLANI is responsible for any unfortunate incidents that may have happened to be absurd. If we reviewed every minute of every match, we wouldn’t have time to spend on more important things, like fulfilling our obligations as a member of the World Cup 26 Organizing Committee. Put simply, we’d have a completely fair Cup, it just wouldn’t have any matches scheduled!

Besides, even if we did review the matches, what difference would it make? If biased officials are as widespread as you claim, even if we did catch them and replace them, their replacements would be just as bad. There have been some terrible officials over the last twenty-five Cups, and not one match has been replayed because of them. Our action—or, rather, our lack of action—is backed by one hundred years of precedent, a precedent that I doubt the World Cup Committee intends to ignore.

By the way, Capitalizt SLANI has found it rather difficult to form a profitable league within the Unified Capitalizt States. We’ve been looking for another nation in which to set up such a league—maybe even a national team—but haven’t found a suitable location. If the IFF persists in preventing us from doing our job here, it just might get driven out of business. Of course, that’s just my opinion, and officially, I will refrain from any speculation on that possibility.

Rordia

28-01-2006, 09:42

RORDIA BEAT TADJIKISTAN!

Rordia have shocked the footballing world by beating Tadjikistan 3-0 in World Cup 26 qualifying.
The Rordian president declared a national holiday after this amazing achievment.
It all started in the 25th minute, when Tim Brick made light work of the Tadjikistan defence and passed to Bob Downing, who struck to get his 5th goal of the campaign. Then just seconds before half-time, Downing scored a beauty from 25 yards. Lee Smith completed the rout after 85 minutes, scoring from a free-kick just outside the Tadjikistan Tigers' area.
Rordia manager Neil van der Wal said: "I don't need to say how my players are feeling! They've just beaten one of the best teams in the world! Rordia has never experienced anything like this before!"
Rordia are now 3rd in the group with 13 points, but are 5 points behind 2nd-placed Jeruselem. Qualification for the World Cup at only their second attempt is now a real possibility.

New Manhattan

28-01-2006, 09:46

(OOC: Just in case it’s not clear, Ακήλα is the retconned (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Retcon) Greek name for the ex-nation with the anglicized name Aquilla. The terms Ακήλα, Ακηλαϊκά (Aquillan), and Ακηλαίοι (Aquillans) are used throughout Commerce Heights.)

Well... actually, it is illegal to be some place called Aquilla, but apart from that.

From: Σαπάνης Διαμαντής (Sapánes Diamantés) (CEO, Unified Capitalizt States of Commerce Heights)
To: Michael Ford (citizen of Schiavonia)
Subject: Ακήλα (Akéla)

I was unable to find contact information for your lawyer—Capitalizt intelligence just isn’t what it used to be when the government freely stole from its people—could you please pass this message on to him?

An unidentified source—of which we do not condone the actions—has reported to the Unified Capitalizt States that he overheard a conversation between you and one of your clients, Michael Ford, relating to the legality of existing as particular nations. He felt, as we do, that your comment regarding the legality of the existence of “Aquilla” was highly inaccurate, as the state of Μεγαλύτερη Ακήλα Ειδική Διοικητική Περιοχή (Megalútere Akéla Eidiké Dioiketiké Periokhé) is a member of the Unified Capitalizt States, and its existence is fully protected under UCS law. While I might be biased on this matter, being from Ακήλα, you should know that if the existence of Ακήλα is, in fact, illegal in Schiavonia, I believe it would be necessary for the UCS to cease recognition of the Schiavonian government, and the incident might be sufficient cause to declare war. Of course, I could be wrong.

Squornshelous

28-01-2006, 10:40

Pschychoes Dismantle Nanakabirds

Squornshelous proves they mean business by thrashing Nanakaland for undisputed 1st place in Group 9
The Pschychoes played in a way they haven't played for quite some time, utterly dominating the pitch, and handing Nanakaland a 4-0 loss, courtesy of some good defending and excellent finishing by Squornshelan attackers. The Squornshelan goals mostly came early, as the Pschychoes came out onto the pitch with a very aggressive style of play, pushing the Nanakabirds back into their own half of the field, and forcing them to play in reaction to the Pschychoes. After gaining control of the pace fo the match, Squornshelous laid a careful siege to the Nanakaland goal, with defensive midfielders and defenders staying alert for clearances or missed passes, and attackers moving constantly through the middle of the field attempting to create passing lanes. It took three goals for Nanakaland to figure out how to stop this attack. All three came when the defense simply lost track of an attacker in the shifting pattern of movement. The first goal went to Goran Syvatov, who found himself all alone with a clear shot on net after an absolutely perfect pass from Franz Persson. Just five minutes later, Persson himself scored, when he was able to slip away from his marker just long enough to recieve a pass. He made one move to create space and fired, sending the ball past the keeper's arms before he could react. Kryztoff Markanen scored the third just before the half when he recieved the ball, shielding it well from the defender, and shot through an impossibly narrow shooting lane, giving the keeper no time to even see the ball coming.

After the half, Nanakaland toughened up on defense, shifting their formation to cover the center better in an attempt to intercept or block passes. It worked in that the Squornshelan attack stopped producing goals, but the Nanakabirds were still unable to generate anything against the fresh and confident Squornshelan defense. The final goal of the match came late, as Nanakaland shifted into a reckless attack. Mostafa Ogbadan recieved a long clearance and simply beat his man to the ball. He raced down the field and fired from point blank range, putting the match result beyond all doubt.

Final Score:
Squornshelous 4-0 Nanakaland

Apologetic Kittens

28-01-2006, 11:43

Kittens Earn Disputable Draw

The Apologetic Kittens came away from their match against Sarzonia with a point, following a 2-2 draw. However many, especially in Sarzonia itself, feel the scoreline should have been a healthy 3-1 win for the opposition.

We can confidantly report that any cheating occurring during the mathup was not the fault of the AKFA, and the Kittens players do not condone such actions.

"And my players certainly don't bloody dive to earn penalties" was added to the defence by the Kittens coach himself. He put down a similar situation in the BoF down to childish tricks, and mentioned that no actual penalty would have been involved.

And arguments surround what would have been the Sarzonian third goal, ruled offside by the official.

But no arguments surround the Kittens opening goal, which was well earned after some hard work against the Sarzonian defence.

Despite drawing against the supposed top team in the world the Kittens are now officially out of the running for a world cup spot. Further matches are now only there to prove a point, and of course to aid in the rankings.

Cuation

28-01-2006, 11:58

Cuation Steals Win

This win has ended a poor run of results and leaves Cuation within a win of taking third place. The top two teams have become level on points but seem increasingly out of reach of everyone else.

KKaze Progressa can feel robbed, they dominated the game but found Gary Jens in excellent form. In the last minute, Jens parried a penalty and failed to get up to stop the next shot but it hit the post before being cleared. No matter what was thrown at the Cuation goal, they could not get the ball in. The backline itself had its moments but was pretty solid though Rio Samba looked out of position.

CCuation's goal came from playmaker Giovanni and a lot of luck. In the 35rd minute, Jens claimed a cross and hit it up the pitch for the tempremantal playmaker. He spun clear of his marker on the edge of the box and hit it on the volley. It was a poor effort but a defender trying to block, deflected it over the keeper and into the net!

Cuation have to make rapid improvments if they are to make a late claim for second place. While the team seems to have improved from last year, inconcsistancy still afflicts this teams chances. The next game is home to bottom team Alexandrian Ptolemais, a must win game before two tricky home ties against Schiavonia and Rejistania.

Tadjikistan

28-01-2006, 14:18

Disaster!
Tigers dont bite

Bahrom Sadirov was at a loss of words by what happened today, being defeated 3-0 by Rordia 'Sure, we expected this to be hard, but this is a disaster. I'm very dissapointed right now. A bag of potatoes plays better than any player of this Tadjik team. I thought we'd hold them off and make it a draw atleast, but no, we failed completely. Maybe Rordia deserved to win, but certainly not with these results.'

Michael Frunze, president of the federation could only agree with his coach's opinion 'I wonder whats wrong with our team, the last few matches have been of questionable quality. Even our fans are right now wondering why they pay a ticket to see such incompetence. It is true that NSFA and NSCL matches get more viewers these days than the Tigers.'

If the Tigers want to make it to the World Cup, then they will have to get their act together and win those last few matches, Rordia is slowly moving up the group ladder and closing in on the top two, with only five points between themselves and Jeruselem.

But there was also some good news for the Tadjiks, Milchama lost to the Jeruselem Crusaders and had to give its 3rd position to the Rordians. A Milchamian win would have been much more dangerous to the Tadjiks, who preffer qualifying behind Jeruselem over being eliminated.

Next up is the home match versus Jeruselem, second in group 15 at one point from the Tigers. The Tadjik Tigers and the Tadjik National Football Federation hope the fans will come to the Isserson Stadion and support the Tigers in what must be the most important match in the qualifications.

Rordia - 3
Bob Downing '25, '45, Lee Smith '85
Tadjikistan -0
None!

Region 15 Pts W D L GF:GA GD
1. Tadjikistan 19 6 1 2 24:10 14
2. Jeruselem 18 6 0 3 25:22 3
3. Rordia 13 4 1 4 23:22 1
4. Milchama 12 4 0 4 21:22 -1
5. McPsychoville 10 3 1 4 15:19 -4
6. Race City 8 2 2 4 11:15 -4
7. Artoonia 7 2 1 6 9:18 -9 E

Fixtures:
MD1: Tadjikistan - Race City W 3-0
MD2: Artoonia - Tadjikistan D 1-1
MD3: Tadjikistan - Rordia W 3-1
MD4: Jeruselem - Tadjikistan W 2-5
MD5: McPsychoville - Tadjikistan W 0-4
MD6: Tadjikistan - Milchama W 4-1
MD7: /
MD8: Race City - Tadjikistan L 1-0
MD9: Tadjikistan - Artoonia W 4-1
MD10:Rordia - Tadjikistan L 3-0
MD11:Tadjikistan - Jeruselem
MD12:Tadjikistan - McPsychoville
MD13:Milchama - Tadjikistan
MD14:/

Tadjik goalscorers:
Salenko - 8
Saradov - 5
Zuhurov - 3
Pliiev - 3
Mirdan - 2
Ashurov - 1
Kornilov - 1
Gurchev - 1

Schiavonia

28-01-2006, 16:54

From: Marshall & Law Solicitors, Kingsbury, Schiavonia (Representatives of Michael Ford)
To: Σαπάνης Διαμαντής (Sapánes Diamantés) (CEO, Unified Capitalizt States of Commerce Heights)
Subject: Re: Ακήλα (Akéla)

Sir,

We have heard of your peoples and, believe it or not, it was made an offence to be Aquilla in Schiavonia under the Errorism Act 37. However, as you and your people aren't from Schiavonia, it is OK. Less is it being from where you are that is of offence (for that would be racism), more that it is the physical location.

Now, if the entire area were to upload itself and dump itself withing Schiavonia's shores. Well, then you might well have a problem.

Please note that if your land does wish to do this in future, though, steps are being taken to make it all OK.

From: Marshall & Law Solicitors, Kingsbury, Schiavonia
To: King Francesco of Schiavonia
Subject: By-laws

Your Royal Highness,

It may or may not have ever been bought to your attention that there are a number of ridiculous laws in our nation.

Now, of course, some might seem ridiculous, but are there for good reason. The one about making love to pieces of garden furniture not only stops you from looking like a twerp, but also stops you falling through the gazebo.

But some are ridiculous. Like the one about unicycles being banned in any sports stadium where a goose is present. I mean, really? What is the point?

However, there is one law in particular that has been brought up by a correspondent, who informs me that it is illegal to be the physical landmass of Aquilla in Schiavonia. Ridiculous, eh?

So we would like it to be known that we would like you and your team to rummage through the laws of our nation and eradicate all those with a certain level of pointlessness. Leave the totally pointless if you like, but the absolutely and hopelessly pointlessly pointless have to go!

Thank you.

From: King Francesco of Schiavonia
To: Marshall & Law Solicitors, Kingsbury, Schiavonia
Subject: Re: By-laws

Sirs,

I would like to thank you for bringing the issue of pointless laws to our attention here at the royal palace. We will do everything we can to get rid of all of these pointless laws, such as the one that is being Aquilla.

But the unicycling one has to stay. Geese can be a great distraction when you're only on one wheel.

Casari

28-01-2006, 17:29

http://i16.photobucket.com/albums/b20/Casari/4sport.png

And now the drama starts
Confusion sets in as the Casaran resume their time-honored tradition of crap performances to lower ranked teams

The Confeds looked like they were in pain as they went back into the locker room after the match against Yafor 2, and for good reason.

While we weren't able to record any of the chewing out the team recieved after an extraordinarily long line of swear words from Coach Hill instructed our reporters to leave unless they desired the water cooler lodged in their colon, they had to listen from outside.

It was loud, and there were a few crashes.

However, when the team left, they seemed as angry as Coach Hill was when she went in.

"There was no excuse for a 1-0 loss today. We were the better team the entire match. We should have won." Ronalo said as he got on the team bus to head back to the airport.

Next up for the Casaran Tigers are an away match at Turori. "They're always difficult, and we need to be ready, and prepared to be happy with a tie."

After Turori, Casari has matches against the bottom-2-ranked teams in the group, but that's no gaurentee of wins.

"There's been some really crazy crap in this group, and now we don't know what will happen."

Hockey Canada

28-01-2006, 18:23

Canucks ready to face Krytenia for sweet Revenge
Hockey Canadians think Vengence is pretty cool too.

The Hockey Canada Canucks will be travelling to krytenia tonight to see if they can best the only team that beat the Canucks earlier in World Cup Qualification. The Canucks seem to be ready especially after coming into form and taking first place in Group 2. Can we win? We hope so.

And Jeruselem can just keep kicking *** in Group 15.

Hiiraan

28-01-2006, 19:34

World Cup Reporters
"Tutori, You will not win"

Hiiraan next game against Tutori si going to be the fartherst thing from easy but according to the coach, Hiiraan is prepared and well oiled to handle Tutori in the next match. "I believe in this team and after a draw with the Kazoo, who beat us very bad last time, I think We can surpass the Tutori team on the next match game" he told repoters as he was interviewed in Hiiraan's training grounds. "I would not say we are assured a win, but I would say we are assured a good game against them" he added.

Hiiraan has been struggling amid rumors some of the players are under a different payroll from others who do not want the Blue Ocean stars to go further in this competition. "I really do not care about the rumors and I have never said things that were attributed to me" said Zakariya Mohamed who scored the tie goal in the last game's match against the Kazoos. "all I careabout is players coming out and showing heart in the game, I really did not see some of the players on bench showing even the slightest gesture to be here, I myself was ont he bench at a time and I did not complain why I did not play, I knew why I did not play and when I improved on that, I was playing, they should stand up and play the game when they are told to play the game otherwise don't ask for a position on the National team next time" Zakariya told reporters.

when asked what he thought about the Tutori Game, Zakariya Mohamed put it simply that "I am ready for the game and I am hopefull that we can get the desired W in the game if we all step up the game against them" he said "but I believe that we are not the strongest team in this group and we are always on that position of we should see what happens, we are the Capitalizt who are sure of their scores when they have not played the game itself yet." he added as he laughed with the reporters. "soon enough we will become like those Capitalizt who are just magical enough to know their scores before it even came out."

The Tutori team have done changes but no one really knows if those changes will help, they are certanly looking for a a revenge win against Hiiraan which is not certain yet on how well they will do on that. "We can beat them just like last time if we try hard enough" said Micheal Nuur who played exceptional roles the past few weeks on the team. We will see how the match turns out when its played in Tutori... a Next day Update on the match is expected.

Nanakaland

28-01-2006, 21:44

Nanakaland Times
Sickness or Foul Play?
The past two surprise losses against two different teams (one whom Nanakaland had beaten earlier and also Squornshelous) has shocked many Nanakabird fans. However, the large amounts of recent conceding is not due to the karelan strategy of the Nanakabirds but because of the recent sickness of the star goalie on the Nanakan team.

Viktor Czapp has come down with a severe case of the flu and unable to play in the past two matches. This has been the reason to the large amounts of conceding that is leading to the Nanakaland team being crushed again and again this half of the qualifications.

"Cecil Chedwig just isn't as good," commented one fan. "He's 32 and due to retire soon. Frankly, the mistake was in having a stellar goalie but no good back up."

It is unknown when Czapp will be able to play again, but it might not be until after the qualifications (if the Nanakaland team can manage to make it). Some think that an angry fan of another team poisoned Czapp, but this is at the moment an unconfirmed rumor. One thing is for certain, though. The Nanakabirds will have to improve their defense if they want to be able to qualify.

Laksu Kynsu has given the defenders twice as much va'karela as usual. He is very enranged on the two recent losses and the high conceding amount lately. Only one thing is for sure - it will take a miracle recovery of Czapp to ensure the qualification of the Nanakabirds.

Region 9 Pts W D L GF:GA GD
1. Squornshelous 19 6 1 2 22:7 15
2. Nanakaland 16 5 1 3 16:12 4
3. Wentland 13 4 1 3 16:16 0 (head-to-head)
4. Nedalia 13 4 1 4 12:12 0 (head-to-head)
5. Collonie 11 3 2 3 15:16 -1
6. Harlesburg 8 2 2 4 8:14 -6
7. Bazalonia 5 1 2 6 12:24 -12 EHarlesburg 1:3 Nanakaland
Nanakaland 2:1 Nedalia
Squornshelous 2:1 Nanakaland
Wentland 0:2 Nanakaland
DAY OFF
Nanakaland 2:0 Collonie
Nanakaland 4:0 Bazalonia
Nanakaland 1:1 Harlesburg
Nedalia 3:1 Nanakaland
Nanakaland 0:4 Squornshelous

Nanakaland -:- Wentland
DAY OFF
Collonie -:- Nanakaland
Bazalonia -:- Nanakaland

Milchama

28-01-2006, 21:50

Alexandria Times-Tribune-Post-Gazette-Chronicle-Journal-Enquirer

Sports Section

89th minute goal sends Warriors crashing down

In one of the most important games in Milchama Warriors' soccer (football) history, so far. they lost 3-2 on an 89th minute goal by Harry Kool. If the Warriors had won the game it would have put them level on points with Jeruselem with only 4 games to go. The loss now puts them 6 points back in 4th place but with a game in hand on the top 3 in the group. Coach Jaime Smith said, "This was our chance and we blew it. I thought we could do it today but apparently it was just not our day. Now we need to regroup as we play Mcpsychoville, Artoonia, before we play the other important game against Tadjiskistan. Now comes the time when truely great teams are made..." He went on to give a lot of bull shit some of which included Milchama actually qualifying. Clearly not happening so onto the match report.

The Warriors came onto the pitch looking for one thing a win. It looked good early after a missed chance by Spot Nielson seemed to be a sign of things to come. Soon the Warriors were in true attacking flair as they dominated possesion and the game. Flinters and Kilinin were in fine form on the wings as their speed dominated the midfield and gave possesion for the Warriors. Their speed actually created the first goal when Kilinin found a slashing Dunston Copperlee who found the back of the net to give the Warriors a deserved 1-0 lead. The Warriors almost extended their lead from a corner kick two minutes later but the high header by Thompson knocked off the crossbar and right to a Crusader who it far for Massid Mawad who outsprinted Kendric Pevington before shooting the ball over Clay Finton to tie the game at 1. After the Jeruselem the game was back and forth with little good chances for both sides. The halftime score was 1 all.

Second Half report:
The second half was glum for the Warriors who had basically the exact opposite start of the first half. This culminated to a goal in the 50th minute when Richard Chainey curled a freekick around the wall of defenders and past the goalie to make it 2-1 Jeruselem. This caused some more attacking by the Milchamians but it seemed all in vain for them as they could not break thru a seemingly inpenetrable Crusader defense. Then Flinters did his one man counter attack. He went strait past Sissy Holdberg and Timmy Goldstein before fake shooting and passing to a running Elana Kilinin who headed it in and scored to tie the game. Soon the attacking flair of the Milchamians was gone as the Cursaders took over the game. Despite some desperate attacking from Jeruselem it looked to be in vain as the clock started to tick away and the Warriors started to get some dangerous of their own. Then suddenly off a corner kick Harry Kool found some space and shot the ball. The ball went off the finger tips of Clay Finton off the cross bar and down over the line and into the net sending the Jeruselem crowd into a friendzy. Despite one more good attack from the Warriors it was not to be as Jeruselem won.
Final Score:
Milchama 2 (Copperlee 14, Kilinin 74)
Jeruselem 3 (Mawad 30, Chainey 50, Kool 89)

Nanakaland

28-01-2006, 21:53

Port Nanaka Post
Karelan Kommonwealth KOed
The "great" karelan Nanakaland team doesn't seem too great anymore. It was an utter failure of the Commonwealth to go karelan. Sure, it looked like it was going to work for a while, but no one can lie about statistics. Nanakaland is in 2nd and unless they beat Wentland they'll possibly lose their chance at qualification.

While the karelans in Nanakaland may come up with excuses about it being due to a goalie, one must ask why they relied so much on the skill of one player? If Nanakaland were takil, like the alternative newspaper in Nanakaland wants, we sure would have conceded a lot in recent matches but would have also scored a lot and had a chance to win.

This is a big embarrassment for those calling for a karelan Nanakaland. Is a third failure to qualify proof enough in it's flaws? One must use common sense and the Post is the only paper brave enough to admit that Nanakaland is losing. Perhaps it is time for a change? Probably not a chance it will happen in Nanakaland. The only hope for us next World Cup is if our neighbors and fellow Commonwealth members, UN Peacekeepers, qualify. At least they have enough common sense to use 0-0-10 and keep the game in the offensive box.

Wentland

28-01-2006, 22:49

The Nanakaland press release churned off the fax machine and was handed to Edgar Bluff. He gave it a quick perusal.

"The karelan Nanakaland team...what the heck does that mean?" Bluff was already bamboozled by the odd behaviour of the Nanakabird management team and players, seemingly dispirited by their demolition of the Bazalopes and apparently playing for 1-0 wins. "This va-thingy stuff...I can't make head nor tail."

So Bluff decided to bring in a radicothinker to psyche up the team. They had already cruised the streets of Crowhurst to narrow their sights, now they had to listen to some comments from The Whorl, somewhere on Craggen Heights.

"Blood's like a rat in a trap...but where is the trap? Driving is merely a conspiracy called traffic...is your head too heavy?"

Ollis nodded sagely as Grosvenor made a paper plane. "Self-powered flight. Is it a think? Oh no, no, no. Lynn folds wood. That is absurd.

"If you DID tie a barrage balloon to your back, you could not be a ninja turtle. They are underground creatures, deep joy.

"You should blow your horn before shooting. See if they RUN. Down to the chasm of clams, down, down, down."

The team came out mentally invigorated, if invigoration is similar to confusion. Not the effect I intended, thought Edgar. Maybe I should just give them some mad tactics.

He knew it was a long shot. Heck, they were only aiming at sneaking fifth place. Yet here they were with a genuine world cup chance. He knew, deep down, that it was not going to happen, they'd had some luck recently, Nanakaland had looked mighty throughout most of the group stage and had swatted them aside earlier with something bordering on contempt. Head said that there was no chance. But if only. If only. Quamquam o! - sed superent...

At least 5th was a realistic target, eight points clear of sixth some way past the turn. 3rd would have been beyond wildest dreams at tourney start. But Bluff saw every day the hopeful public, seemingly confident of qualifying first time of asking, and they did not appreciate just how good the top two were. They needed to slip up. Without Wentland making a mistake. The latter was at best a possibility. The former...no chance.

But if only. If only.

Elrich

28-01-2006, 23:36

EAUZ THE DADDY!

Eauz 4 - 4 The Kingdom of Elrich

Returning striker Jamie Mudge got a last minute equaliser as The Kingdom of Elrich came from behind no less than 4 times to earn a thrilling 4-4 draw with Group 13 qualification rivals Eauz.

In an incredible game, Eauz took the lead on no less than 4 occasions but each time Elrich came back, and Mudge with the last kick of the game, poked home a dramatic equaliser to keep Elrich's World Cup dreams alive. After an early Eauz goal, Elrich levelled in the 12th minute with a penalty after Zebedee was caught just inside the box. Eauz had the lead just before half-time but the on-form Wolfman headed home in injury time to send the sides in with the score at 2-2.

Just after the break, Eauz took the lead again after Burns spilled a long range shot but Dan Singh-Queen rounded the keeper to level it up at 3-3. Eauz started to dominate, and Burns made up for his previous error with some great saves, but Elrich's hearts were broken when Eauz retook the lead with just 5 minutes remaining. But the returning Jamie Mudge, a 72nd minute substitute for the tiring Elrich, was the hero as he got the winner after a hectic goalmouth scramble. Elrich remain firmly in the hunt for that 2nd qualification spot.

The Kingdom of Elrich - Burns, Scatman John, P Spinks, Wolfman, Scaramanga, Jeremiah (Allen 60), J Spinks, Banks, Zebedee, Elrich (Mudge 72), Singh-Queen

Rejistania

29-01-2006, 01:55

The 'Green Spirit' is no place, people, who know better go to. The pub looks as if it would fall apart anytime and the darkness adds its part to the atmosphere of this place. Siki Rej has told "Maniac" Seletarakeledira Hanselijimijile about this place and indeed it was the right place for shady deals. Maniac did not really fit into this place despite Siki's advise to wear dark and unimpressive clothes. He lacked this souveranity to do shady transactions as well as the hopelessness, the other part of the visitors seemed to express. He sat down on a table and ordered a glass of beer when another person entered the location. Seletarakeledira at first noticed his unusual height, when he entered, also his pale skin color and his hair, which seemed to glow in the light proved clearly that he was not from here. Seletarakeledira made a gesture towards him. The person seemed to take a while to find him and the seleken realized that the sign, they agreed on so he finds him (a dark-green t-shirt with "Exkola Side, xa'la'isa'han, xen'la'mesu, xen'la'kanvali!") was not well visible here. "Is this place here occupied already?" asked the person in English. That was the sign Seletarakeledira needed. "No, feel free to sit here!" The seleken could not help noticing the scar on his cheek as the foreigner sat down on the other side of the table. They politely talked in English for a while before the foreigner, who never introduced himself by name discretely gave him a gray box. The seleken could still not believe what he was doing when he gave the foreigner an small envelope. The foreigner checked its contents, one could see that he struggled with the rejistanian way to write numbers. Seletarakeledira surpressed a curse. The foreigner apparently failed to see the numbers in internationally used digits. Eventually, he nodded. "Okay, but Inihele really need to tell me why you made so much fuss about a perfectly legal transaction..." he said. Seletarakeledira would have become pale if he wasn't black. His heart started beating faster. Inihele is a generic term for a seleken. "You know... the media will not understand it... I'd be fired and flogged if they find out!"
"flogged?"
"Well, we say 'fired and flogged' in Rejistanian, but it's used figuratively."
"Still, if you're successfull..."
"This is one stone in a house, but the media will blame this stone if the house collapses."

The next day, Seletarakeledira Hanselijimijile brought strange device to the training. It looked like a va'karela at first but it emitted a different light when switched on: instead of a seli-blue, it emitted a green, which reminded of poison. "Today, we talk about tactical versatality..."

New Montreal States

29-01-2006, 06:52

PALADINS WALK INTO HELL, WALK OUT WITH POINT

Mauve-filled arena bares witness to exciting 2-2 draw

STARBLAYDIA - William Branstone and the Paladins looked very much like men who had just walked out of Hell, and aren't quite sure if Old Scratch will give pursuit. They needn't have worried - Starblaydi security was firm, and the fans weren't in any mood for violence - but they had every reason to be proud of themselves after securing a point from the reigning World Cup Champions on a late equalizer by Niles Benson.

This team, from Frog's Academy, had something to prove after a 5-2 shellacking at the hands of the Men in Mauve at the Paladin Dome. It looked early on as if they hadn't absorbed the lesson, with Menecrates picking up another goal off a corner kick at the 12th minute.

Christophe Faneuil tied the match up in the 33rd minute on a throw-in after the Starblaydi defense bungled a pass under pressure from Benson and fellow midfielder Cedric Bonhomme. Starblaydia was quick to strike back, however, as an excessively hard tackle from back Louis Vinson brought the crowd to its feet and the ref's card out for an easy enough penalty.

The second half was a tight defensive struggle, as both sides slugged it out across the midfield, with no shots taken for the first ten minutes until forward André Girouard dinged one off the Starblaydi crossbar. Even after that neither side really managed to string together an offensive effort worthy of the name until about the 75th minute, when Branstone brought up two of the midfielders to form a sort of 2-4-2-2, which produced the desired results four minutes later when Benson struck home.

After that, both sides settled into a pattern for the last ten minutes, the Starblaydis pushing, the Paladins trying (and succeeding) to protect their point. When Vinson cleared the ball with 10 seconds left to put away the tie, the Paladins could pat themselves on the back for a job well done, and go ahead and watch the Lowland Clans self-destruct against Dagabom to guarentee spots for both them and the champions in the World Cup.

With the spots in Group 7 on ice (barring a highly improbable Starblaydi slipup), Branstone has announced he will be putting more effort into preparing a side for the group stage, including a pair of "dry runs" in the final two matches for his roster.

Squornshelous

29-01-2006, 06:59

Pschychoes Avenged Against Lions

Squornshleous repays Nedalia in kind
Earlier in qualifying, The Nedalian Lions managed to derail a Squornshelous team that had yet to come together as a unit. This time, The Lions were the ones without so much momentum after a draw against Harlesburg damaged their qualifying chances. Squornshelous, on the other hand, is coming off back to bac shutout wins, and had a chance to qualify with the right circumstances. While the loss by a suddenly struggling Nanakaland to Wentland means that Squornshelous must wait to officially qualify, this win almost assures them their 21st spot in the World Cup Finals. They have scored 9 and conceded only 1 goal in their last three matches, and the tow matches remaining are not against teams that have played particularly well in this qualifying run. Collonie, our next opponenent, have played just well enough to stay at the edge of the top teams in the group, behind Nedlia and the overachieving Wentland. Harlesburg, whom we play in matchday 13, have just lost their chance at qualifying, and posed little challenge to the Pschychoes last match, going down by a score of 3-0. With a bye on matchday 14, Squornshelous is looking to win their last two matches and then make travel plans.

Final Score:
Squornshelous 3-1 Nedalia

Jeruselem

29-01-2006, 07:12

Jeruselem Government News

Tigers do it again ...

Jeruselem maybe the 2nd best ranked team in Group 15, but we can't beat the Tadjikistan Tigers. We played them again and lost 4-2 instead 5-2 which is a slight improvement. Our GA is 27 - the worst in Group 15 but 9 goals came from playing Tadjikistan leaving 18 from 8 games (1 bye). So all in all, our GA has been a little ruined by playing the Tigers but it isn't that bad when playing other teams.

Milchama beat McPsychoville 2-1 which was kind of expected from them. McPsychoville didn't play badly but the Milchama did enough to take 3 points and stay 4th. They are one win away from 2nd so they cannot lose any games to be a chance as Rordia are 2nd.

Rordia knocked Race City out of the world cup 26. They won 2-1 as well. They stay 3rd and 1 point ahead of Milchama and 2 behind Jeruselem. They are good enough if they can maintain the pace.

Artoonia had a bye but they are still last and have been knocked out.

OK, 3 games left. Jeruselem and Tadjikistan have a bye at the end so they can't go losing now. The other can upset the apple cart but must win games. Jeruselem don't play match day 13 so MD12 and 14 are important. We can't have any more losses as the 3rd and 4th are so close. Tadjikistan should make the next round really from here.

Hockey Canada took revenge on Krytenia. Krytenia won 1-0 last time, but the Canucks won 1-0 instead. TWO LOSSES in a row to Krytenia while the Canucks just look like a dark horse in the World Cup 26.

Nedalia lost to Squornshelous 3-1 to end their unbeaten run. It was revenge for Squornshelous who lost 0-1 to the Lions earlier. From now on, the Lions need to win all their games and hope the others trip up for them to make it.

Group 2
Krytenia 0 Hockey Canada 1
The Weegies 2 FSX 2
Spaam 2 Fbrenia 1

Group 9
Squornshelous 3 Nedalia 1
Harlesburg 2 Collonie 0
Nanakaland 0 Wentland 1

Group 15
Tadjikistan 4 Jeruselem 2
Milchama 2 McPsychoville 1
Rordia 2 Race City 1

Region 15 Pts W D L GF:GA GD
1. Tadjikistan 22 7 1 2 28:12 16
2. Jeruselem 18 6 0 4 27:26 1
------------------------------------------------------
3. Rordia 16 5 1 4 25:23 2
4. Milchama 15 5 0 4 23:23 0
5. McPsychoville 10 3 1 5 16:21 -5
______________________________________________________
6. Race City 8 2 2 5 12:17 -5
7. Artoonia 7 2 1 6 9:18 -9

Sarzonia

29-01-2006, 07:15

Stars fit to be tied, yet again

WOODSTOCK (ASP) -- Draws against teams that Sarzonia should beat comfortably in matches that were dubiously decided got the Stars in a foul mood heading into the home leg against EL CID THE HERO. However, after the Stars conceded an own goal in the 89th minute to spoil a breathtaking goal by Brian Wilson, Sarzonia had no one to blame but themselves for their 1-1 draw.

"That was the only time this entire World Cup in which we got outplayed, I don't care what the Apologetic Kittens say about their match," Coach Barry Owen said. "We played like [dirt] and we need to concentrate on playing our match even if we have to play 11 v. 14.

"Frankly, I don't know what the World Cup Committee is on about with their refusal to at least look into the idiocy that's Commerce Heights running this show. I don't give a flying [fig] if I get suspended by the World Cup Committee or by the IFF. I'm telling it like it is. Commerce Heights and Oliverry being World Cup hosts was the worst decision anyone could have made."

The Stars (6-3-1, 21 points) stay three points clear of EL CID THE HERO for the group lead and stay five points clear of third place with four matches to go. The team said they would have to get out there and play their remaining two matches with "extreme urgency" or "it'll cost us the World Cup."

If they even get that far. Rumours circulated that the team would refuse its berth in the World Cup finals as a statement of protest against Commerce Heights and "capricious officiating." When asked about the rumours, Owens walked away from the podium shaking his head and slamming the door behind him.

"That's a decision that's going to have to be made by the Board of Governors," Chairman Terry Mangione said. "I'll announce our decision when the time comes."

However, he may want to listen to team captain and goalkeeper Horace Sandt.

"If the IFF pulls us out of the World Cup finals, I'm going to personally lodge my displeasure up the bum of the directors who make that decision without consulting us first," Sandt said. "I don't care if the coaches and the IFF decide it. If they don't consult with the players, they'll have a [flipping] problem on their hands."

PopularFreedom

29-01-2006, 07:22

from the pages of the PopularFreedom Ticker...

Sporadic rioting continues in Loyalty Bay.
Pleasantview neighbour still a dangerous place to be.

Report by: Tony Williams
PFT News, Loyalty Bay

The neighbourhood of Pleasantview is still on edge as a fourth day passes with more sporadic rioting, and more fires being set.

Riot police, now on virtually every street corner of this neighbourhood have been increasingly putting pressure on the federal government to find a long term solution to this problem.

...for full story click here (http://www.geocities.com/PopularFreedomTicker/2006-01-28-001.html)

Andossa Se Mitrin Vega

29-01-2006, 08:26

Sea Dragons Keep Hopes Alive!!

Total n Utter Insanity 1 Spruitland 0
Lethislavania 3 Very Angry Rabbits 1
Andossa Se Mitrin Vega 1 Dehny 0

The late charge continued today for ASMV as the beat Denhy 1-0 and Spruitland fell to TnUI 1-0. This still leaves ASMV in 4th in Group 3 with 2 matches remaining. The difference now being a single point behind Dehny and just 3 points behind Spruitland. TnUI still remains the only perfect squad in the tourney.

With the final matches for the Sea Dragons coming against Very Angry Rabbits and Errunundria???(spell check) ASMV can get the 6 points they need to finish strong. The question now becomes can Spruitland meet expectations and win out as well.

[NS]Bazalonia

29-01-2006, 08:30

"Stuck in the mud" by Nev Gould

"This Matchdays bye has seen seen the hope of a non-last place significantly diminish. As 5 & 6 are both currently at 11 points. Two jump both of those the Bazalopes will have to score at least 7 points in the last 3 matches of the tournament (and that is assuming that both teams gain no points from now till the end of the world cup. "Last in our group has been a real danger ever since we falled to... to ... the Collonies" said Caine Hawdon as he broke down during a recent chat I had with him. The away draw against Collonie only really confirmed the Bazalopes last place position. It seems calls have been made to sack the Bazalopes current coaching team. The BFSA has replied in a written statement, We have been in talks with the coaching team and they will definately stay until the World Cup is finished. On a positive note from an anonymous mid-to-high rankiong official in the BFSA, early negotiations have gone underway about the teams entry into the Cup of Harmony, though personally I don't know why. Maybe they feel sorry, or they need an extra spot to fill and the Bazalopes are the only ones that are considering. Who knows Our next match is an Away Match against Wentland.

Giant Zucchini

29-01-2006, 08:52

Another Own Goal!
Episode 9: Decent Performance

You know the scene…dark…couch…green fingered fella…well…no difference.

“…and the whistle blows to another professional performance by the Zucchinis. A well placed shot into the bottom corner by Rilke was enough to secure the points and a realistic chance of qualifying for the World Cup. But credit to Nezza, they made the Zucchinis look rather ordinary at times. However, they were not able to create much with Chekhov snuffing out most of the attacks. At the other end, Nezza were organized and were able to contain most of the Zucchini attacks. However, a good cross by Glinka was headed down by Boyer into the path of Rilke who made no mistake with the finish. Other than that, the Zucchinis were kept quiet through large portions of this match. The win means that the Zucchinis are only a point away from Eauz, who maintain their one point lead over the Zucchinis with a shock win over group leaders Cockbill Street…”

To be continued…

Giant Zucchini’s Department of Number Crunching and Data Spewing presents:

Match stats:

Giant Zucchini - 1
Rilke (64)

Nezza - 0

Giant Zucchini stats:

Top Goalscorers:
Johann Rilke – 5
Absamat Chekhov – 2
Armand Boyer – 2
Gottlieb Poulsen – 2
Dino Nuvolari - 2
Mikhail Glinka – 1
Arturo Bardi – 1

Yellow Cards:
Dino Nuvolari – 1
Domingo Ferrero – 1
Armand Boyer – 1
Gottlieb Poulsen – 1

Red Cards:
Mikhail Glinka – 1

Tadjikistan

29-01-2006, 10:51

Big cats fall on their paws?
Tigers give Crusaders a warm welcome

3-0 to Rordia, ranked 106th! It was the biggest disaster in Tadjik football for years. And never before did they need the support of their fans as hard as now. Lucky for them, a large number of fans had not yet lost confidence and showed up to, or so they hoped, see their team win this important game.

Six points between Tadjikistan and Rordia, means the Tadjiks need only four points to secure their ticket to World Cup 26. The Crusaders werent exactly the side against whom you expect an easy win but as there are few other opportunities, the Tigers had no other choice but to bet on a win.

And a win they got, in a very spectacular way, with the Jeruselem Crusaders fighting back for every ball in every duel. In the end however, the Tigers took over and finished off what had been an interesting match for both the players and the fans.

Tadjikistan is in a pretty safe spot right now, a draw tomorrow against McPsychoville is enough to protect the Tadjik Tigers from elimination. Jeruselem too can protect its position in the top 2 with a win against Race City on MatchDay Twelve while Rordia has the bye. Milchama too can profit from the situation and retake its third place and maybe move on into the top 2, though they'll have to beat the Tadjiks on Matchday Thirtheen if they wish to do that.

Tadjikistan -4
Alexei Solehbayev '18, Oleg Salenko '40, Vladimir Ashurov '72(P), Oleg Salenko '81
Jeruselem -2
Massid Mawad '32, Richard Chainey '55

Region 15 Pts W D L GF:GA GD
1. Tadjikistan 22 7 1 2 28:12 16
2. Jeruselem 18 6 0 4 27:26 1
------------------------------------------------------
3. Rordia 16 5 1 4 25:23 2
4. Milchama 15 5 0 4 23:23 0
5. McPsychoville 10 3 1 5 16:21 -5
______________________________________________________
6. Race City 8 2 2 5 12:17 -5
7. Artoonia 7 2 1 6 9:18 -9

Fixtures:
MD1: Tadjikistan - Race City W 3-0
MD2: Artoonia - Tadjikistan D 1-1
MD3: Tadjikistan - Rordia W 3-1
MD4: Jeruselem - Tadjikistan W 2-5
MD5: McPsychoville - Tadjikistan W 0-4
MD6: Tadjikistan - Milchama W 4-1
MD7: /
MD8: Race City - Tadjikistan L 1-0
MD9: Tadjikistan - Artoonia W 4-1
MD10:Rordia - Tadjikistan L 3-0
MD11:Tadjikistan - Jeruselem W 4-2
MD12:Tadjikistan - McPsychoville
MD13:Milchama - Tadjikistan
MD14:/

Tadjik goalscorers:
Salenko - 10
Saradov - 5
Zuhurov - 3
Pliiev - 3
Mirdan - 2
Ashurov - 2
Kornilov - 1
Gurchev - 1
Solehbayev - 1

Hypocria

29-01-2006, 10:57

World Cup 26 News

The Home Straight

Another Oaker Choker

Hypocria 2 - 3 Oaker

When Dave Wilson’s Sarzonia side lifted the World Cup they did it by hammering Oaker in the final. Since then Wilson is probably sick of the sight of them after his side lost their fourth successive game against the Sharks. Although this game was a wee bit closer than the 6 - 0 catastrophe earlier in the campaign.

A crisp half volley from the edge of the box gave the Oaker Sharks a deserved lead at Hypocria’s national stadium but it proved to be just the inspiration the Hyppos needed as they started to get back into the match. Ashley Marshall, recalled to the side in place of Molinari, dragged the home side back into it with a right footed drive across the keeper and into the back of the net after half an hour.

But there is a reason why Oaker are ranked as high as they are and that shone through as the Sharks hit two quick goals early in the second half to take a commanding lead. The Hyppos pressed forward and with ten minutes left substitute striker Deucher was released through the middle by Baxter, rounded the keeper and scored to set up a dramatic finale. With the seconds ticking away Baxter swung in a corner and Kreska rose highest to power a header goalwards. It clattered off the underside of the bar and seemingly over the line but much to the disbelief of players, coaches and 80,000 fans the referee waved play on. A controversial incident in a World Cup that has been littered with debatable decisions.

In the other games top seeds and group leaders One Red Dot dropped points after being held (guess the score) by System Karela and Majeristan too dropped a couple of crucial qualification points after a 1 - 1 draw in Hurleyland.

Captain Fantastic

Hypocria 1 - 0 Hurleyland

After that narrow defeat to Oaker all three points was an absolute must against Hurleyland. But for a long, long time in this match in Pylos it just didn’t look like it would happen. The home side created and missed chance after chance against their lower ranked opponents but just could not make that killer breakthrough. Robert Bercali wasted the best chance of the game. The Vilita based winger skipped past a challenge, into the box, and hit a fierce drive into the side netting. Half the ground thought the shot went in, the look on the player’s face told them it hadn’t.

But cometh the hour, cometh Marcus Baxter. Every fan already knew that Hypocria’s captain is a class act but once again he showed them all why. With fifteen minutes left the home side won a freekick thirty yards from the Hurleyland goal. Baxter stepped up, took aim, and fired an unstoppable drive around the wall and into the top corner. A goal good enough to win any match.

Elsewhere in Group 12 Oaker recorded a massive win, 3 - 1 away to leaders One Red Dot, to take top spot in the group with just three matchdays left. Meanwhile eliminated Palacetonia played System Karela in a game that surprisingly finished goalless. Shock, horror.
Region 12 Pts W D L GF:GA GD
1. Oaker 19 5 4 1 22:11 11
2. One Red Dot 16 4 4 2 14:11 3
------------------------------------------------------
3. Majeristan 13 3 4 2 14:11 3
4. System Karela 11 1 8 1 1:1 0
5. Hurleyland 11 3 2 4 8:11 -3
6. Hypocria 11 3 2 4 12:18 -6
______________________________________________________
7. Palacetonia 5 1 2 6 9:17 -8
There are nine points left to play for and the Hyppos are know five points behind second placed One Red Dot. Not only do the group’s top seeds sit out the final round of matches they also have to travel to the Hyppodrome in a match that will surely have huge implications. Before that there is the small matter of payback over the Majeristan Falcons who rudely put four goals past Hypocria on matchday 4. A win could conceivably take the Hyppos up to third place in the group so it’s not over yet.

Qualification Schedule

Hypocria v System Karela (Oceanside Stadium, Pylos) (1 - 0)
Bye
Oaker v Hypocria (6 - 0)
Hurleyland v Hypocria (1 - 4)
Majeristan v Hypocria (4 - 1)
One Red Dot v Hypocria (2 - 2)
Hypocria v Palacetonia (Drissa Sports Arena, Drissa) (1 - 2)
System Karela v Hypocria (0 - 0)
Bye
Hypocria v Oaker (Hyppodrome, Hypocrium) (2 - 3)
Hypocria v Hurleyland (Oceanside Stadium, Pylos) (1 - 0)
Hypocria v Majeristan (Hyppodrome, Hypocrium)
Hypocria v One Red Dot (Hyppodrome, Hypocrium)
Palacetonia v Hypocria

Wentland

29-01-2006, 13:16

Reporter Bruno Glanvilla was a strange sort. He kept moaning about being kept away from his adopted homeland, but no-one could find Scotland on any map and his obscure references were met with confusion, apprehension, admonition, derision and fission. However they still liked him anyway and he was Warp Radio’s man on the spot in Nanakaland, from where he filed a plaintive round-up for the evening news.

It wasn’t meant to be like this. Wentland was meant to be dead, buried and mourned over as far as World Cup XVI Finals qualification went. But now the levels of tension have been raised to fever pitch, almost sinew-straining point, following a gladiatorial 1-0 victory here in Nanakaland.

Like the greatest of the gladiatorial shows, the reticularius pursued the myrmillo and the myrmillo darted, seeking an opportunity, a gap, before striking and moving, striking and moving. I once saw the great Hooky Leonard tantalize a static Arbroath defence for the mighty Blue Brazil and such a wonder was seen as Thomas Devey, who must have Scottish blood coursing through his Donington veins, dazzled and bedazzled a hapless Nanakaland defence before the inevitable wasted final pass. Oh for an Alan Gilzean!

As it was, the Wentland fans cacophonied their side’s resolute defence onwards like the intrepid Warriors Roar at the Stadio del Ochilview. How can one fail to be inspired with such a raucous following? The royal blue shirts, bedecked in white v frontwards, strangely reminiscent of Stranraer crossed with the lamented Airdrieonians, were darting all over to prevent the Ian Diack-eque Adamson from capitalizing. Edmunds was worthy of Hugh Sproat in his Ayr United pomp. No jokes about nearly ten past Haffey today.

It was after thirty minutes that Wentland nearly took the lead. Like a salmon in a burn the mighty Morgan soared goalwards from a Devey – who else? – cross and powered a header against the woodwork. The Nanakabirds chirped, they had not expected that. But their catenaccio was resolute and the central line would have made Helenio Herrera proud.

As it was, it remained end-to-end. Half-time and the end-change made little difference. Fast, furious, it was just like watching Montrose v East Stirlingshire. And it was from a move straight from the Eddie Wolecki play-book from which Wentland scored the winner. The fateful sixty-third minute, the corner from Devey, aimed at giant striker Smith, a hesitant punch clear, just like in the Squornshelous game, but this time Harry Ollis, instead of blasting the ball, was off-balance and forced to side-foot the ball in a loop towards the goal. It was the right decision, had he blasted it it would have threatened Forfar airspace. As it was, the ball lazily arced towards the goal, prostrate Czapp helpless, and watching as the ball flirted with the bar and caressed the net. One-nil. Somewhere, Ian Campbell was smiling in Brechin heaven.

The Nanakaland defence had been breached. O tempora! O mores! No way back for the defensively-minded outfit, no Dezso Solti for them. The remaining half-an-hour ticked out and Wentland had a famous victory contra the odds. Novus ordo resurgit. Can it be? Can it be? Oh, East Fife no more, Dumbarton no more, Alloa no more, Clyde no more…

Bedistan

29-01-2006, 16:39

Football Today, live on BSTV - July 19, 2089

Ryan: "And now we go to international news. The Bedistan national team is looking a bit healthier than it did a few months ago, but still is not out of the woods yet."

Mike: "Well, they're on a three-game winning streak now, surely that's a sign of progress?"

Ryan: "What you forget is that the second of those three was a PopularFreedom forfeit."

Mike: "But still, 3-0 over the legions of Hell and 2-0 over Oglethorpia is nothing to sneeze at. We are back at the top of the group table..."

The group table is displayed on screen.

GROUP 11 P W D L F GF GA GD Pts
1. Bedistan 10 6 2 2 0 22 8 +14 20
2. The Archregimancy 9 5 3 1 0 15 10 +5 18
3. Cataduanes 9 5 1 3 0 14 10 +4 16
4. Oglethorpia 10 4 3 3 0 10 8 +2 15
5. Anathematic Republics 9 2 4 3 0 3 6 -3 10
6. United Island Empires 9 2 3 4 0 11 14 -3 9
7. PopularFreedom 10 0 2 4 4 6 25 -19 -10

Ryan: "News flash: we're only on top because we've played an extra game. You might as well just consider the Archregimancy and Cataduanes to have three points more than listed, which would put us precariously in second place just a point ahead of Cataduanes. We're still in a situation where one more loss could have us saying sayonara to Commerce Heights and/or Oliverry."

Mike: "But do you really think we'll lose again?"

Ryan: "It's not out of the question. Next up for us are the UIE, who were the big surprise package of the first half of this qualifying round, but what really worries me is matchday thirteen, away to the Archregimancy, on paper our best chance for a loss in all of qualifying. Surf had better get his boys and girls together, that's all I'm saying."

Mike (smugly): "'Get them together'? What exactly are you proposing there, eh?"

Ryan: "Oh, get your mind out of the gutter!"

Mike: "Hey, you walked into that one. Anyway, we'll take a short commercial break, and we'll come back with news from the Champions League and the NSFA Cup."

Ryan: "And later: how the mighty have fallen - could 2080 BPL champions Floral be about to drop? That and more, on the other side."

Cuation

29-01-2006, 17:22

Cuation leave it late...

After a 1-0 win over Kaze Progressa, a game at home to the worst team in the group seemed ideal. Cuation however nearly blew it, 1-0 with ten minutes left, they puled out with a 3-1 win. The White Shirts will feel unlucky but this keeps Cuation in the race.

In an even first half, Rio Samba lost concentration and failed to clear the ball, instead allowing Paul Young to take the ball and plant it pass a somewhat confused goalie. The rest of the game saw Cuation trying to force an equaliser but failed to break down a stubborn White Shirt team.

In the last ten minutes, iovanni threadded the ball through to Ashton, crossing it in from the byeline, Cuation got lucky. Defender Johnny Walker got a touch to it and deflected the ball into the net.

Thje seige continued and lasted another five minutes when a long ball resulted in a goal mouth scramble before Heskey
poked the ball over Graham Herd. When Sol Major headed home a corner, the match was over.

Run In Update

Rejistania are 9 points clear and just need a point really from the two games to ensure qualification, however everyone else has a game in hand. Our next game is against Schiavonia, at home. A draw would leave Cuation 6 points behind, a defeat would put Cuation out of the race. A win would could ensure a down to the last game, race for the second spot.

Spaam

29-01-2006, 17:31

<BUZZ>

<CRACKLE>

I... I don't know... if you can hear... this...

All commun... ication... is blocked...

But we... must... spread the news...

<BUZZ>

of... the Spaamanian... football... team...

<CRACKLE>

We... have... been... doing better... after... our poor... start in the... qualifying...

Last week... we... beat Krytenia... the top team... in our group...

We were... the first team... to do so... in qualifying...

<CRACKLE>

But this week... we hosted... the cellar dwellers... Fb... Fb... Fbrenia...

Last time we... met... in Ariddia... we destroyed them... two goals... to nil...

ALL HAIL ALAN BELMORE

<BUZZ>

<CRACKLE>

This time... they scared us... their captain... Reyes... scored a goal... in the first two... minutes...

We thought... our... <BUZZ> machine <CRACKLE> had failed us...

But then...

ALL HAIL ALAN BELMORE

But then... HE...

ALL HAIL ALAN BELMORE

He... scored five minutes later... and again... in the twentieth... minute...

After that... he turned our <CRACKLE> machine <BUZZ> up high... and no more... goals were... scored in the game...

We... can make... it...

If we... win one more... game... than Krytenia... then we can qualify... and they will... open the channels of... communication...

<BUZZ>

Pray... for us...

ALL HAIL ALAN BELMORE

Dance 2 Revolution

29-01-2006, 17:59

D2R score 350th ever goal

D2R scored thir 350th goal in the 2-1 win over The Kingdom of Elrich. Elrich had just came off an impressive and entertaining 4-4 draw against Eauz and were hoping for a final push for World Cup qualification. D2R were attempting to stop being a laughing stock of the competition by recording their first win of qualifying.

The omens were not good for D2R as they fell to an early goal. The goal left the Elrich crowd in laughter and the travelling D2R supporters in absolute confusion. Zebedee went on an amazing run down the right wing, taking on Skra and then taking the ball across field himself to the left wing. He then took on Forescos and crossed the ball into the box for an unmarked "Diddy" Allen to header the ball past Mitnav.

D2R managed to hold on until half time, despite having less than 20% of the possession and failing to have a shot.

The 2nd half began with a new spark to D2Rs play. Van Hujkdul was sacrificed for 16 year old Über Jnr. and the team played with an extremely attacking style.

Über Jnr. made his presence felt after a few seconds of kick-off, striking his shot from half-way forcing Burns into a save.

Just before the hour mark, D2R drew level with Über Jnr.. Di Sakura was taken out two-footed by Wolfman, who was lucky to escape with just a yellow card. The resulting free-kick was taken by Über Jnr., who flighted it into the top corner, just away from the goalkeeper.

Elrich were unlucky not to retain their lead minutes later, when Elrich was wrongly deemed offside after striking an unstoppabble shot past Mitnav

Elrich were left ruing missed chances when, in the final minutes of the match, Kinitka Maeda managed to go on a mazy run and slot the ball into the net to break Elrich hearts. This was D2R's 350th goal, and one fitting of stopping D2Rs terrible run.

Full Time:
Elrich 1 (Allen 7')
Dance 2 Revolution 2 (Über Jnr. 59', K. Maeda 90')

Next Match: Away to Cockbill Street: Dance 2 Revolution have finally shown some promise and the rebuild has hopefully been kick-started. Despite being eliminated at this early stage in the competition, Maeda and the Revolutionaries will be hoping to start a good run and get back to the top of the mountain as quickly as possible. D2R's will be trying to head for their next international milestone as soon as possible.

Odds:

Cockbill Street 1-7 (fav)
Draw 4-1
Dance 2 Revolution 12-1

Wentland

29-01-2006, 18:02

One advantage of the close qualification race was that maths had suddenly become a more interesting topic for schools.

“Bazalonia are eliminated”, said Mr McGuffy, “so we do not need to see what they can do. They will however be a factor in the remaining games.

“Now, if we are to qualify, how many points will guarantee us a place in the finals? Patterson?”

“Er, Nanakaland are in second, they can get two wins…so we need one more than that…23!”

“Correct, Patterson. Which means in our last three matches what do we need, Lucas?”

“Er…seven points…two wins and a draw.”

“Correct. That is of course if Nanakaland win their final two matches. As they visit Collonie and Bazalonia, they have a good chance of doing so. However Bazalonia will be playing for pride and Collonie may have an outside shot at qualification. Realistically however they must however win their final three and hope that Nanakaland blow up.

“Now, Nedalia. They play us next. What happens if they beat us?”

“We sack the manager, sir.”

“Very funny, Kendall. Seriously? Browning?”

“They go level with us, sir. We have 16 points, if they win they will be on 16, and Nanakaland on 16.”

“But we still have a game in hand on Nedalia. Their other match is with Collonie and again we must assume they will win. So what then?”

“If Nedalia beat us and win their in hand, they’re on 19. We will need a win and a draw to go above them. But then we wait to see what Nanakaland do.”

“At least our final two matches are at home. Now, class, we look at probabilities…is that the fire alarm?”

“Saved by the bell, sir.”

“You don’t watch that, do you?”

Legalese

29-01-2006, 18:33

"Welcome back to SportNews, here on Channel Sport. The Legalese National Soccer Team reaches the end stages of a difficult, but somewhat impressive qualifying run, highlighted by the shock victory over Audioslavia, and including a draw in Ariddia, in possibly the iciest match in soccer history. Here's Roddy Hampton, on what's left for the nearly eliminated Black and Reds, and what will be next for them."

*A Highlight-ish video fills the screen, with music in the background. Hampton's voice breaks in*

"In it's return to the world stage, the Legalese National Team has seen its ups and downs. While they've walked away with victories over Audioslavia and Havl, while drawing both Ariddia and Lovisa, the side has not earned a win since matchday 3, a win that briefly put the team in the group lead."

We were playing so well, but the lack of experience killed us in the end.

"That said, the team has had a great experience this time around, as far as anyone can tell. Everywhere you go in Legalese, from Francopolis to Bellona, from Myre to Pt. Dien, you can't escape the chants:"

Black and Red,
Red and Black!
The world better fear,
Legalese is back!

...

(sung to the tune of Ole)
Bahrain! Bahrain Bahrain Bahrain
He's the man, Bahrain!
Bah-rain! Bahrain Bahrain Bahrian
He's our king, Bahrain!

Oh, as he takes the field,
For the mighty Black and Red!
The keeper, on sight,
Will wish, that he were dead!
OH-OOOH! OH-OOOH
Pah-vel scores!

Bahrain! Bahrain Bahrain Bahrain...

"There are even rumors popping up about a possible Cup of Harmony bid, which this nation is no stranger to. With much of the major soccer infrastructure undergoing complete renovations during the offseason of the L-League, there is an indication that the country will be ready, should it happen. The LAFF would not officially comment on the details, but whatever they choose, soccer is back in Legalese, and here to stay."

Elrich

29-01-2006, 19:43

The Last Dance

The Kingdom of Elrich 1 - Dance 2 Revolution 2

The Kingdom of Elrich's World Cup dreams are all but over after they fell to a shock defeat against unranked Dance 2 Revolution. Bassett's side had the best of the chances but were far from clinical and the previously winless Revolution took full advantage as they came from behind to win 2-1.

If only Elrich's goal hadn't have been wrongly ruled out, if only the Wolfman hadn't slid in, if only Singh-Queen would have tucked in that rebound. The Kingdom are set to miss out on World Cup qualification again, and can only think "what might have been". On a vital matchday, not only did the Badgers lose in shocking fashion, but wins for Eauz and Great Zucchini effectively mean that it would take a miracle for the Badgers to qualify. An unmarked Matt Allen had given Mike Bassett's side the lead from a Zebedee cross but from there on in it went downhill for Elrich. The players at the end couldn't believe what had happened, there was a stunned silence around the ground other than the small but vocal Dance 2 Revolution support. Maybe Elrich can finally reach a major finals in World Cup 27.

The Kingdom of Elrich - Burns, Scatman John, Scaramanga (Murphy 71), P Spinks, Wolfman, Allen, Zebedee, J Spinks (Cucumber 80), Singh-Queen (Mudge 60), Elrich

Rejistania

29-01-2006, 19:43

Just a friendly?

The Orange-Blues defeated Kaze Progressa in the home match in KaMaRi kali, Karela kalesa (well, not really, the stadium is really in Injika, but it is namd Estadije Ines Karela Lines). The Orange-Blues for the first time in years rather reminded of the team of World Cup 20 than of a team which mostly formed during the time of the Karelan government. But in a time when the government gets rid of the old karelan motto and declared the new motto to be "Xkeja'tan, Linux'tan, Korona'tan!" a more akrelan style of soccer is maybe fitting. It is not that they totally abandonned defense and attacked like Trsi, but they did not play for a scoreless draw anymore. Despite the slow move towards a more jesejil kind of match, the Orange-Blues only won 1:0. The Farelan goalie Hetujuk'he did a good job against the most offensive 5-4-1 in quite a while, but in the 24th minute, a misunderstanding in the progressan defense allowed the Nantian Isi I Mji~l to score. The monks called the team lehiju'ny, but they kept the tatic up without retreating and returning to a 10-0-0. The chances, the progressans had were dealt with by the rejistanian defense (in which especially Viki'he did an outstanding job) and by Janamerikana I Hinije~n. After the match, Seletarakeledira Hanselijimijile was relieved: "This match could have ended either way, especially since Kanavan'he could not play nationally due to the XVSR. But if we keep up versatile tactics, there is a chance, that we will advanec pretty far in the World Cup."

Fmjphoenix

29-01-2006, 20:02

Nolan has a large scoring outburt to help lead the Vikings to more wins

Three matches ago Mike Nolan sat at 15 goals for the Vikings. Now, after those three matches, he has 24 goals with 2 matches left for the Vikings, 3 matchdays left overall. A 2-1 victory over The Ardenne saw Nolan notch his 16th goal while Laura Boyd slipped her first goal past for the match winner. The next match up saw Fmjphoenix head out to Da WhoseLine People. They took an early 1-0 lead, but that did not last long as Nolan again hammered the goals in putting two past in the first half to secure a lead of 2-1, but Brian Dougood put home the clincher in the 84th minute to send the Vikings over with a 3-1 victory to keep the Vikings rolling. But noone was prepared for the match against Bettia.

Mike Nolan was playing like a madman possessed. In a record setting performence, Nolan scored all 6 of the Vikings goals as Fmjphoenix routed Bettia for a second time 6-1. The sold out crowd at Viking Stadium was in an uproar after Nolan secured the Hattrick in the first half, scoring on the games 3rd, 10th, and 38th minute. Bettian striker Chris Hutton put one home past Lamar before the end of the first half to silence the crown with a 3-1 score. But in the second half, Nolan was on fire again. It seemed like Nolan vs. Bettia, as he charged through midfielder and defender en route to a second hattrick in the second half, scoring in the 48th, 55th and 71st minutes of the second half an route to the highest goalscorer in one match for the Vikings ever, surpassing his own mark of 4 goals in a match.

It was a stellar performence, one of the kind you dont see everyday. Speculation in bars and pubs all over Fmjphoenix has it that Nolan might reach 30 goals before the qualifying is done. But it will not be an easy accomplishment for Noaln, as the Vikings only have two more matches left and Nolan still needs six more goals. It will be interesting though. Keep it locked to find out more on the

Fmjphoenix Vikings World Cup 26 Qualification
MD01: Fmjphoenix vs Tanah Burung 2-0
MD02: Fmjphoenix @ The Ardenne 2-1
MD03: Fmjphoenix vs Da WhoseLine People 3-2
MD04: Fmjphoenix @ Bettia 6-1
MD05: Fmjphoenix @ Basicota 4-1
MD06: Fmjphoenix vs Praying2God 0-2
MD07: Fmjphoenix -=BYE=-
MD08: Fmjphoenix @ Tanah Burung 4-1
MD09: Fmjphoenix vs The Ardenne 2-1
MD10: Fmjphoenix @ Da WhoseLine People 3-1
MD11: Fmjphoenix vs Bettia 6-1
MD12: Fmjphoenix vs Basicota ?-?
MD13: Fmjphoenix @ Praying2God ?-?
MD14: Fmjphoenix -=BYE=-
Record: 9-0-1

Viking Goalscorers:
M. Nolan - 24
B. Dougood - 4
S. Ijanaeil - 2
A. Jenkins - 1
L. Boyd - 1

Casari

29-01-2006, 22:33

http://i16.photobucket.com/albums/b20/Casari/4sport.png

Casarans win away at Turori
Because you have absolutely no clue how much melodrama helps

A day after the Casaran fans were overcome with much too much emotion over losing a World Cup match, they then won one and promptly forgot.

"Yeah, it's amazing how quickly they all forget about whenever we lose once we win again." Halfback Javis LeMurry said. "At least it's good to be winning again. We've managed to put forth a pretty questionable performance thusfar, and hopefully we can win out in front of all our fans."

The next game is the final home match of the year, against Rolatia, who is currently winless and at the bottom of the group. After which comes the second Casaran bye and an away match against the bottom-ranked group in the group, Hiiraan. Casari is currently 2 points clear of 2nd-place Yafor 2 and 5 clear of both Swilatia and the Kazoo Peoples.

Wentland

29-01-2006, 23:17

The team-talk before the Nedalia match was a bit more sombre than previous ones. There was something more at stake now. Manager Bluff told the team:

"We have done ourselves proud. Even if we lose our last three matches we have achieved more than anyone could have expected.

"But now is the time for that little bit extra effort. It's always crowded at the bottom, and empty at the top. Why? It only needs a bit more graft to go from one to the other.

"We cannot cope with the Nedalian skill. Had it not been for their recent bad run they would have been out of sight.

"But remember what happened back in Alumgreen. Sheer force of effort and will carried us through.

"When you are up against it just remember the crowd that night, the wall of noise that came down. Just keep going. Keep. Right. On.

"And remember that even a defeat is not a disaster. World Cup qualification is not the be-all and end-all. We were hoping to qualify in three or four Cups' time at the earliest. We can always try to get into the Cup of Harmony for experience.

"Now you go out to face the Lions. A few weeks ago I would have been playing to avoid humiliation. We still may get humiliated, but it has been one heck of a ride until now.

"There's the ref's buzzer. Time to go to the tunnel.

"Good luck, everyone."

The Archregimancy

29-01-2006, 23:52

THE ARCHREGIMANCY BRINGS YOU

WORLD CUP TONIGHT

With Fr. Nicholas the Scribe and Fr. John the Golden-Throated

"So... Fr. John... How are _you_ feeling this morning?"

"Physically worn out, but spiritually refreshed. One of our Bishops may have reposed in the Lord, but his life was an example to us all. So if between the funeral, the internment, my personal fasting and the ongoing panikhidas I haven't slept much over the last few days, at least I feel a sense of spiritual renewal. And wasn't it nice of the Patriarchate of New Montreal States to send a representative to the funeral?"

"Ummm, actually, Fr. John, I was just wondering if you'd been up late celebrating the win over the United Island Empires...."

"Up late celebrating, Fr. Nicholas? Me? With a funeral happening?"

"Hmmmm.... maybe not.... but you did attend the match I take it?"

"Absolutely, though given that the nation's in mourning, the crowd was sparse and the atmosphere a bit flat - perhaps that accounts for the unexpectedly nervous victory over an un-ranked side. Let's take a look at the highlights....

The Archregimancy take an early 10th minute lead following some lovely passing approach play... Fr. Pavel to Fr. David, back to Fr. Pavel - over to the far wing to Fr. Andrew, to Fr. Constantine, who chips it over the defence, leaving the accelerating Fr. Basil the Faster a simple side-foot past the goalkeeper - and at that point those few fans who'd turned up could have been forgiven for thinking we'd win 5-0.

But that wasn't to happen, and only 20 minutes later the UIE shocked the already mourning home supporters with a goal from their very first attack - this lovely edge of the area free-kick that Fr. Justinian never had a chance with.

At half-time the atmosphere was sombre - from both the death of our beloved bishop and our failure to break down a surprisingly stubborn UIE defence. Our opponents seemed more than happy to hold us to a draw. Again.

The second half was much the same. Our forward line lacked energy, and with the crowd constantly breaking out into funeral hymns rather than the usual inspiring polyphonic excerpts from the Divine Liturgy, it seemed unlikely that said energy would come from the crowd.

But, as St. Gregory Palamas noted, if we can never touch the essence of God, we may know Him through _his_ energies, and from some inner source or Divine energy, captain Fr. David the Water took the ball on his left foot 2 minutes into injury time, sent his long-range speculative shot past the despairing UIE 'keeper, and somehow we'd won 2-1."

"I can't help but think that our form's been less than convincing this tournament, Fr. John."

"Funny you should say that, Fr. Nicholas... let's take a look at the group table:

GROUP 11 P W D L F GF GA GD Pts
1. Bedistan 10 6 2 2 0 22 8 +14 20
2. The Archregimancy 9 5 3 1 0 15 10 +5 18
3. Cataduanes 9 5 1 3 0 14 10 +4 16
4. Oglethorpia 10 4 3 3 0 10 8 +2 15
5. Anathematic Republics 9 2 4 3 0 3 6 -3 10
6. United Island Empires 9 2 3 4 0 11 14 -3 9
7. PopularFreedom 10 0 2 4 4 6 25 -19 -10

The truth is that despite sitting second, despite having a match in hand on group leaders Bedistan, we haven't been convincing. Losing to Oglethorpia, fine, a draw against Bedistan, fine, sloppy draws to unranked teams, and unconvincing single goal victories against much weaker opposition - not so fine."

"But nobody's that convincing, Fr. John."

"True, Fr. Nicholas.... Even Bedistan are worried:

Ryan: "News flash: we're only on top because we've played an extra game. You might as well just consider the Archregimancy and Cataduanes to have three points more than listed, which would put us precariously in second place just a point ahead of Cataduanes. We're still in a situation where one more loss could have us saying sayonara to Commerce Heights and/or Oliverry."

Mike: "But do you really think we'll lose again?"

Ryan: "It's not out of the question. Next up for us are the UIE, who were the big surprise package of the first half of this qualifying round, but what really worries me is matchday thirteen, away to the Archregimancy, on paper our best chance for a loss in all of qualifying. Surf had better get his boys and girls together, that's all I'm saying."

If the 5th-ranked team in the world are worried about losing to us, then it's understandable that every team in the group's feeling insecure..."

"But through God all things are possible, Fr. John"

"Perhaps so, Fr. Nicholas, but if he's talking to Commerce Heights and Oliverry, I'm not sure they're listening...."

[OOC - Today's slightly funereal RP is dedicated to my wife's great-great aunt Zoe - c.1900 [St. Petersburg] to Jan 27 2006 [Paris] - the last known member of the family to have personally survived the Russian Revolution]

Milchama

30-01-2006, 00:22

Chi Sun-Times-Tribune-Domestic-International-Star-News-Today

Sports Section

Milchama shut down Mcpsychoville

It looks like Milchama have learned from their mistakes. In their last game against Mcpsychoville the Warriors struggled allowing 3 goals and barely escaping with the win. This time though it looked like the Warriors were a completely different team. They dominated from start to finish scoring first and allowing only one goal in the 90th minute. Coach Jaime Smith said, "I told them after our last game against the Machines that our performance against our own formation was pathetic. For this game we drilled them on how to defend against the formation and it seemed to work well as we played good defense at the back. Their only came from laziness and tiredness in the 90th minute and that can be forgiven."
Now onto the match report:

The Warriors came out wanting to show that their last game against the Machines was a mistake. It looked like it was early as they threatened and showed some good skill to take control of the match. While the chances came few and far between as the Machines played good defense. Soon however the Warriors class showed thru. Antoine Sanchez found Marc J. Floren wide open on the left side of the box. Floren's shot was spot on and it went in to make it 1-0 to the Milchamians. This goal did not stop the Warrior attack as they kept pressing forward looking to make it a 2 goal lead. Soon it looked like their persistance was about to pay off as J.J. Faren's shot beat the keeper and but not the post. Then some good setups set Darian Flinters free but his shot missed badly. Then in stoppage time the Warriors increased their lead as a corner kick by Dunston Copperlee found Matt Bantin, who had started in place of Spot Nielson to add some height. Bantin found some height as he rose above the defense and hit a perfect header past the keeper and in to give the Milchamians a 2-0 lead. The half time score was 2-0.

Second Half Report:
The second half was almost a carbon copy of the first half except that the Machine defense was even more tight at the back making the match a virtual stalemate as the Warriors dominated but could not find the right passes and shots to beat the spirited Machine defense. Then in about the 75th minute Mcpsychoville started to get some chances of their own. The counter attacks looked bad but Silas Milckey and Kendric Pevington put some good stops to the Machines. They could not stem the increasing tide of pressure though as 5 minutes from time it looked like the Machines had pulled one back when Chris Mcbride scored. Unfortunately for them he was offside so the goal was disallowed. It would not be the final time the Machines touched the back of the net when Mcbride again headed the ball but this time he found another Chris, Chris Irvine, whose volley from the header was fast furious and in. That halved the score for the Machines but it was too little to late.
Final Score:
Milchama 2 (Floren 21, Bantin 45)
Mcpsychoville 1 (Irvine 90)

The Kazoo Peoples

30-01-2006, 01:51

Local crazy man Donald McRonald arrived at the gates of Kazoo City Kola Stadium, waiting for the gates to open, and the fans to file in for the friendly against Schiavonia.

He was not alone; in fact, more than 14,000 fans lined up outside the gates in order to qualify for a promotion in which the first 20,000 fans would receive a free 12-ounce can of Kazoo Kola EXTREME!, the newest brand of soft drink from the Kazoo Kola Corporation, which now has a "mystery" ingredient which makes you more willing to take risks.

But, as he would learn, after waiting approximately 4 hours, an official from the Ministry of Sport informed them that they would not be having a game today.

"Why not?" was heard all around the stadium from utterly confused fans.

The spokesperson said why the match wasn't played:

"I was told in private from my superior that it something to do with 'scorination,' and how someone forgot to do it."

"But what's 'scorination?'"

"I honestly have no idea. But my boss said it had everything to with the game, and that the game couldn't go on without it."

This statement made us wonder. What is "scorination," and why is it so important? Our group of staffers here in at the Kazoo City Courier collected a few guesses, and have this to say:

"It has to with passports or visas. I think someone at The Kazoo Peoples Passport Office forgot to stamp something, process something, or do something with relation for passports or visas of the Schiavonian Soccer Team," guessed Tim O'Leary, copyeditor in the Politics section of the Kazoo City Courier.

"I think it involves travel on an airline," said travel correspondent Harold Gruggenheimer. "It might have to do with the plane's parts, or the pilot not doing something. I can only hope that the Schiavonian team is okay."

"You know what, I think it has to do with scoring of the game itself," said crazy Opinion columnist Bok Dexter, "I think that the 'scorinator' is a little box that counts goals for each side as they enter the goal."

To be honest, we have no idea what Bok is talking about -- he's CRAZY!

However, Donald McRonald wants solid answers:

"It is an absolute outrage that I had to wait 4 hours in the hot sun, just to be told that I couldn't see a game today. AND, I didn't even get my free can of Kazoo Kola EXTREME! I plan on writing letters to both the Kazoo Kola Company and The Kazoo Peoples Ministry of Sport. And maybe even filing suit!"

When contacted, the Kazoo Kola Company stated that any fan who held a ticket to the game could be eligible to receive a coupon for a can of the new cola, provided they mail a copy of their ticket to their address in Kazoo City.

Donald McRonald said, "This resolves my fear a little, but I am still going to contact The Kazoo Peoples Ministry of Sport! I want an answer!"

The Kazoo Peoples Ministry of Sport released the following statement:

While we understand our fan's disappointment in not having the friendly today, it is actually the hosts of this year's World Cup, Commerce Heights and Oliverry, that is at fault. They failed to scorinate the friendly match between the two fine teams scheduled to play today. As for a ticket refund, I am afraid we cannot do that, as we have already spent the money earned through tickets for improving stadium quality and other amenities. If you do seek a refund, please contact one of the two nations.

Manni Aka
Coach of The Kazoo Peoples' national soccer team
Minister of Sport

Upon hearing this, Donald McRonald was furious, and sent the following message to Commerce Heights AND Oliverry:

TO: Oliverry
CC: Commerce Heights
FROM: Kazoo Legal Counseling, on the behalf of Donald McRonald et al.
RE: Scorination

To whom it may concern:

I represent a group of fans who were utterly disappointed at the failure of a friendly match being held due to a lack of scorination. Though not familiar with the aspect of "scorination," we do know this: the lack of said scorination solely caused a game between two fine teams to be cancelled, without it being replayed at any time within the near future.

I quote from an article in the Kazoo City Courier:
[M]ore than 14,000 fans lined up outside the gates..., but ... after waiting approximately 4 hours, an official from the Ministry of Sport informed them that they would not be having a game today....

The spokesperson [from The Kazoo Peoples Ministry of Sport] said why the match wasn't played:

"I was told in private from my superior that it something to do with 'scorination,' and how someone forgot to do it."

We have filed a suit citing damages of at most, K$900,000,000, in the Kazoo City District Court. The damages list the following expenses that are asked to be reimbursed:
K$10,000,000; travel costs (including, but not limited to, plane fares, passport costs, visa costs) for visiting Schiavonian fans, players, and applicable media members; to be distributed evenly among all fans who file a claim with Kazoo City Legal Counseling
K$10,000,000; hotel costs for visiting Schiavonian fans, players, and applicable media members; to be distributed evenly among all fans who file a claim with Kazoo City Legal Counseling
K$45,000,000; ticket cost; to be distributed evenly among all fans who file a claim with Kazoo City Legal Counseling
K$45,000,000; ticket cost of future rescheduled friendly, if new friendly is scheduled; all ticketholding fans of the aforementioned friendly will be given another ticket
K$150,000,000; loss of wages due to off days of work called due to the friendly; to be distributed evenly among all fans who file a claim with Kazoo City Legal Counseling
K$200,000,000; pain and suffering; to be distributed evenly to all who file a claim with Kazoo City Legal Counseling of having suffered outside in the heat while waiting for the gates to open
K$200,000,000; medical expenses; to be distributed evenly among all who file a claim with Kazoo City Legal Counseling of medical expenses suffered while waiting for the gates to open, such as sunburn, dehydration, heat stroke, heat exhaustion, and other ailments caused directly by said incident
K$240,000,000; legal fees, including copying costs, office costs, and research costs; to be paid to legal firm of Kazoo City Legal Counseling, amount negotiable, depending on how far this case goes in the legal process

We hope to have a speedy reply.

Regards,

Marie Poppins
Kazoo City Legal Counseling

Schiavonia

30-01-2006, 02:21

The Schiavone Scribe
DOWN AND OUT IN KAZOO CITY
The Kazoo Peoples P-P Schiavonia

We went to Kazoo City expecting a football game.

So did the players.

So did the Sloths supporters.

So did the Kazoo fans.

But the scoreboard didn't work or something, so we weren't allowed the game.

Then, after everyone had gone home, it turns our the Oliverrian scoreboard operator just hadn't plugged it in.

Stupidhead.

Ratings
None

Final score
None

Group 4 Pl W D L F A Pts GD
1. Rejistania 10 7 2 1 12 3 23 +9
2. Schiavonia 9 6 2 1 21 14 20 +7
3. Kudlastan 10 5 1 4 7 7 16 0
4. Cuation 9 4 2 3 13 8 14 +5
5. Pyrologists911 9 2 2 5 10 13 8 -3
6. Kaze Progressa 10 2 2 6 11 18 8 -7
7. Alexandrian Ptolemais 9 0 3 6 6 17 3 -11

Oliverry

30-01-2006, 02:22

OOC: Tell me against what team was your friendly and I'll sim that asap

Scores will be up soon. This is the RP-limit for today's matches

The Kazoo Peoples

30-01-2006, 02:31

OOC:

Oliverry -

The friendly was the Kazoo Peoples - Schiavonia

Thanks!

The Kazoo Peoples

30-01-2006, 02:33

With two wins and a draw today, while the Kazoos were on bye, the standings have reshuffled, but every team can still qualify for the Finals, oddly enough, which goes to show how close this group is.

After a 3-1 win over Turori, Casari moves into first with 17 points. And Yafor 2's 3-1 win over Hiiraan pushes them into the second qualification spot. The Kazoos and Swilatia are just two points behind Yafor 2, and with three games remaining, anything can happen! And it's not only that, but Hiiraan is nipping on the heels of all, only 3 points behind Yafor 2. Turori and Rolatia are all but out, as they are down 5 and 8 points, respectively, from the second qualifying spot.

Region 6 Pts W D L GF:GA GD
1. Casari 17 4 5 1 15:9 6
2. Yafor 2 14 3 5 1 11:8 3
------------------------------------------------------
3. The Kazoo Peoples 12 2 6 1 13:9 4
4. Swilatia 12 2 6 2 14:14 0
5. Hiiraan 11 3 2 4 17:21 -4
6. Turori 9 1 6 3 16:18 -2
7. Rolatia 6 0 6 3 7:14 -7

Kazoos progress in WC26:

MD1: loss to Casari 1-0, away
MD2: draw with Turori 1-1, home
MD3: win over Hiiraan 3-1, home
MD4: OFF
MD5: draw with Yafor 2 1-1, home
MD6: draw with Rolatia 2-2, home
MD7: win over Swilatia 3-0, away
---
MD8: draw with Casari 0-0, home
MD9: draw with Turori 2-2, away
MD10: draw with Hiiraan 1-1, away
MD11: Friendly: Schiavonia, home; cancelled due to "lack of scorination"
MD12: Yafor 2, away
MD13: Rolatia, away
MD14: Swilatia, home

Matchday 1:

HOME AWAY
Turori 4:0 Rolatia
Casari 1:0 The Kazoo Peoples
Yafor 2 2:1 Swilatia

Hiiraan does not play

Matchday 2:

HOME AWAY
The Kazoo Peoples 1:1 Turori
Swilatia 1:1 Casari
Hiiraan 1:0 Rolatia

Yafor 2 does not play

Matchday 3:

HOME AWAY
Turori 3:3 Swilatia
Casari 1:1 Yafor 2
The Kazoo Peoples 3:1 Hiiraan

Rolatia does not play

Matchday 4:

HOME AWAY
Casari 1:1 Turori
Hiiraan 3:2 Yafor 2
Rolatia 0:0 Swilatia

The Kazoo Peoples does not play

Matchday 5:

HOME AWAY
Hiiraan 5:2 Turori
Rolatia 0:2 Casari
The Kazoo Peoples 1:1 Yafor 2

Swilatia does not play

Matchday 6:

HOME AWAY
Turori 0:0 Yafor 2
Swilatia 4:1 Hiiraan
The Kazoo Peoples 2:2 Rolatia

Casari does not play

Matchday 7:

HOME AWAY
Casari 5:3 Hiiraan
Yafor 2 1:1 Rolatia
Swilatia 0:3 The Kazoo Peoples

Turori does not play

Matchday 8:

AWAY HOME
Turori 1:1 Rolatia
Casari 0:0 The Kazoo Peoples
Yafor 2 0:0 Swilatia

Hiiraan does not play

Matchday 9:

AWAY HOME
The Kazoo Peoples 2:2 Turori
Swilatia 1:1 Casari
Hiiraan 1:1 Rolatia

Yafor 2 does not play

Matchday 10:

AWAY HOME
Turori 1:2 Swilatia
Casari 0:1 Yafor 2
The Kazoo Peoples 1:1 Hiiraan

Rolatia does not play

Matchday 11:

AWAY HOME
Casari 1:3 Turori
Hiiraan 3:1 Yafor 2
Rolatia 2:2 Swilatia

The Kazoo Peoples do not play a World Cup 26 game today,
but they have a friendly:
Schiavonia at Kazoo Peoples, Kazoo City Kola Stadium;
cancelled due to "lack of scorination"

Matchday 12:

AWAY HOME
Hiiraan v Turori
Rolatia v Casari
The Kazoo Peoples v Yafor 2

Swilatia does not play

Matchday 13:

AWAY HOME
Turori v Yafor 2
Swilatia v Hiiraan
The Kazoo Peoples v Rolatia

Casari does not play

Matchday 14:

AWAY HOME
Casari v Hiiraan
Yafor 2 v Rolatia
Swilatia v The Kazoo Peoples

Turori does not play

Audioslavia

30-01-2006, 02:34

Lovisa Loss Delays Inevitable

A dissappointing 2-0 home defeat to second-place Lovisa was seen by the fans as a minor upset, merely a roadhump to Audioslavia's qualification for their world-record twentieth consecutive cup. Of course, its not quite as simple as that.

I'm sure the die-hard supporters of the national team will argue with me til the cows come home, get bored, and bugger off back to their squat, but the loss to Lovisa reveals more about this Audioslavian team than most fans will want to admit. Whether the incentive to win was there or not, the 'slaves were poor throughout, showed an inability to defend against some seemingly toothless Lovisa attacks, and showed the sort of lack of presence in midfield which made seemingly weaker teams like Havl and Thergo so difficult to over-come in ealier matches.

It does not bode well for the finals in Commerce Heights and Oliverry if the 'slaves can not put away the weaker sides. The nation talks so often of gaining revenge for their home-soil exit to Rejistania in the last tournament, but if they can't avenge the world-cup defeats to the likes of Lovisa then they can put those thoughts on hold.

As it stands, the 'slaves are almost certain of qualification. Ariddia cannot feasibly over-take them, needing to make up a goal-difference ratio of fifteen. Tonissia and Havl can mathematically oust the 'slaves from the top two, but will need to score lots of goals and get two wins and a draw, or get three wins on the trot, and hope that the 'slaves slip up in both their forthcoming games.

I'm not doubting that Audioslavia will qualify outright for World Cup 26, but making any real progress in that tournament seems completely out of the question at the moment.

IBJJ, G'NB

Sarzonia

30-01-2006, 03:37

Stars win but lose coach, IFF chairman

WOODSTOCK (ASP) -- The World Cup XXVI saga for Sarzonia's national football team took another strange turn when IFF chairman announced that Barry Owens was fired as the team's head coach when he refused to support the Board of Governors' official announcement that the Stars would refuse to participate in World Cup XXVI finals regardless of the team's standing.

A players' revolt led by goalkeeper and team captain Horace Sandt threatened to expose the machinations of the Board of Governors' decision, especially their refusal to acknowledge the opinions of the players. Shortly after the story broke on Sarzonian News Network, IFF Chairman Terry Mangione resigned as IFF chairman when President Mike Sarzo announced he would "declare martial law if he had to" upon learning of the story.

Against that backdrop, interim head coach Brett Hancock watched the team defeat Montrique 3-0 to clinch a spot in the World Cup finals. Sarzonian Vice President for Health and Athletics Jimmy Marshall said after the match he would serve as interim IFF Chairman until "such time as a viable candidate emerges." In the meantime, Owens was rehired as the team's coach, but said after the hiring that this World Cup would be his last in charge of the Stars.

"I'm really mentally drained by all this," he said. "I wasn't hired to play politics or fight these kind of battles with the IFF or with anyone else. I was hired as a football coach."

The Stars (7-3-1, 24 points) are five points clear of EL CID THE HERO with one match to play before they earn a bye in the final matchday of World Cup XXVI qualifying. The team got a six save effort from Horace Sandt and goals from Brian Wilson (two goals) and Jenna Raven en route to the dominant performance.

It nearly wasn't enough.

"We were told coming into the match that regardless of what was happening, we weren't going to play in World Cup XXVI," Sandt said. "[The IFF] didn't take our opinions into account and they acted like they didn't care so we took matters into our own hands."

The team collectively stormed into the meeting of the Board of Governors, forcing their way into the room and Sandt was eventually subdued by four guards, but the players' point got across when Raven turned on the television and showed the report on SNN. All of a sudden, the telephone rang and it was the President.

"I'm going to give you an executive order to allow the Stars to compete in the World Cup or else," Sarzo said.

"You can't," Vice Chairman Tanner Lacey said.

"I'm removing governmental recognition of the IFF," Sarzo said. "Watch me." Following the telephone call, Sarzo signed an emergency order placing the IFF under government receivership. He then fired Mangione and the Board of Governors.

"The IFF has every right to protest the horrendous conduct of Commerce Heights and Oliverry," Sarzo said. "However, they have no right to subvert the wishes of the players and, more importantly, the people of Sarzonia. That's where the disconnect is."

Rumours circulated about possible replacements for Mangione, but one intriguing possibility was a coaching legend who is going through hard times in his new job. Former Stars coach Dave Wilson's Hypocria national team played to a 2-2 draw against World Cup debutants Majeristan that eliminated the Hyppos from World Cup contention. Rumours are circulating that the Hyppos might not renew his contract when it expires.

Owens wouldn't answer the rumours, but Hancock said Wilson's situation "bears watching.

"If we had a chance to bring Dave Wilson back as IFF Chairman, he could set a lot of things straight for us," Hancock said.

[NS]Bazalonia

30-01-2006, 03:39

"The mud becomes cement" by Nev Gould

Another away loss to Harlesburg leaves the Bazalopes shaken, now virtually cemented in Last place on the table with only the chance that the Bazalopes win against both Wentland and the Nankabirds in their last 2 matches as well as Collonie loosing their last 2 matches as well. Even if Collone draw against Nankaland or Nedalia Then it is impossible for Bazalonia to even Get 6th place. Though the news has not all been bad, Every match (apart from 2 in particular) have been loses by a 1 goal(and the one 2 goal) difference. I'm not sure wether to be happy the margin of the losses has been so small or sad that we have had 7 losses out of 10 matches. The last 2 matches Bazalonia plays will help[ decide who makes it through to the Cup... Both Wentland and Nankaland are on 16 points so if Bazalonia beats them then the way is paved for Nedalia the rightful heir to the second qualifing place in group 9 and a potential 6th rank in the group. Time can only tell what what will happen in the world cup.

New Montreal States

30-01-2006, 05:14

PALADINS PICK UP SLOPPY-ASS WIN OVER DAGABORN

Branstone irked as all hell at result

We'd write an article, but William Branstone chucked us out of the locker room so he could swear at his players without the media recording every word. After watching the second half, we can't say we blame him. See you against Keyshona.

The Kazoo Peoples

30-01-2006, 05:14

Region 6 Ply Pts W D L GF:GA GD
1. Casari 11 17 4 5 2 16:11 5
2. Yafor 2 10 15 3 6 1 12:9 3
3. Hiiraan 10 14 4 2 4 19:22 -3
4. The Kazoo Peoples 10 13 2 7 1 14:10 4
5. Swilatia 10 12 2 6 2 14:14 0
E6. Turori 11 9 1 6 4 17:20 -3
E7. Rolatia 10 9 1 6 3 9:15 -6

Another draw (their fourth consecutive and seventh overall), this time with Yafor 2, has given sole possession of the "Most Draw" category to the Kazoos. The Kazoos' record now stands at 2-7-1. Turori and Rolatia were each eliminated today after a Casari win over Rolatia 2-1.
---
Once again, the match was nil-nil all through the first half, and reporters caught Manni Aka as he went to the locker room for halftime:

"What are you going to tell your team when you go in there?"

"I'm gonna tell them that they better score, or else I'm gonna up the time for practice from a mere 12 hours to a grueling 16 hours."

"That sounds like that'll motivate them!"

"I hope it does."

Shame that Coach didn't say anything about actually winning the game though, as the match resulted in a 1-1 draw.

The first goal was scored by Yafor 2, and it had some worried. We go now to a bit of commentary:

"Captain Flamer receives a well-aimed pass in space from Defender Boley. Flamer to Ysilko, nice footwork to avoid a steal from Johnson, Ysilko to Malar, is it Fernando? Yes, Fernando to Francisco, back to Fernando, who SHOOTS! Oh, off the post, recovered by Francisco, SHOOTS... OH NO! A goal by Francisco Malar, here at minute 72!"

But the Kazoos came right back right off the goal at minute 76, as Perknowleski passed it over to Lampshade, who promptly landed it in the goal.

After the game, Manni Aka had this to say:

"I think we could have done better, but Yafor 2 is a much better team, and we recognize that. If we want to qualify, we should try and win the next to games."

Local crazy person (and master statistician) Donald McRonald agreed:

"For the Kazoos to qualify, they really need two win their games against last-place Rolatia and fifth-place Swilatia. If they do, they'll have 19 points, 2 points ahead of Casari, who have only one game left, 5 points ahead of Hiiraan. A win over Swilatia would knock them out of the running for a qualification spot, and the fewer the teams that can qualify, the better."

SCHEDULE, THROUGH MD12:
Matchday 1:

HOME AWAY
Turori 4:0 Rolatia
Casari 1:0 The Kazoo Peoples
Yafor 2 2:1 Swilatia

Hiiraan does not play

Matchday 2:

HOME AWAY
The Kazoo Peoples 1:1 Turori
Swilatia 1:1 Casari
Hiiraan 1:0 Rolatia

Yafor 2 does not play

Matchday 3:

HOME AWAY
Turori 3:3 Swilatia
Casari 1:1 Yafor 2
The Kazoo Peoples 3:1 Hiiraan

Rolatia does not play

Matchday 4:

HOME AWAY
Casari 1:1 Turori
Hiiraan 3:2 Yafor 2
Rolatia 0:0 Swilatia

The Kazoo Peoples does not play

Matchday 5:

HOME AWAY
Hiiraan 5:2 Turori
Rolatia 0:2 Casari
The Kazoo Peoples 1:1 Yafor 2

Swilatia does not play

Matchday 6:

HOME AWAY
Turori 0:0 Yafor 2
Swilatia 4:1 Hiiraan
The Kazoo Peoples 2:2 Rolatia

Casari does not play

Matchday 7:

HOME AWAY
Casari 5:3 Hiiraan
Yafor 2 1:1 Rolatia
Swilatia 0:3 The Kazoo Peoples

Turori does not play

Matchday 8:

AWAY HOME
Turori 1:1 Rolatia
Casari 0:0 The Kazoo Peoples
Yafor 2 0:0 Swilatia

Hiiraan does not play

Matchday 9:

AWAY HOME
The Kazoo Peoples 2:2 Turori
Swilatia 1:1 Casari
Hiiraan 1:1 Rolatia

Yafor 2 does not play

Matchday 10:

AWAY HOME
Turori 1:2 Swilatia
Casari 0:1 Yafor 2
The Kazoo Peoples 1:1 Hiiraan

Rolatia does not play

Matchday 11:

AWAY HOME
Casari 1:3 Turori
Hiiraan 3:1 Yafor 2
Rolatia 2:2 Swilatia

The Kazoo Peoples do not play a World Cup 26 game today,
but they have a friendly:
Schiavonia at Kazoo Peoples, Kazoo City Kola Stadium;
cancelled due to "lack of scorination"

Matchday 12:

AWAY HOME
Hiiraan 1:2 Turori
Rolatia 1:2 Casari
The Kazoo Peoples 1:1 Yafor 2

Swilatia does not play

Matchday 13:

AWAY HOME
Turori v Yafor 2
Swilatia v Hiiraan
The Kazoo Peoples v Rolatia

Casari does not play

Matchday 14:

AWAY HOME
Casari v Hiiraan
Yafor 2 v Rolatia
Swilatia v The Kazoo Peoples

Turori does not play

Kazoos progress in WC26:

MD1: loss to Casari 1-0, away
MD2: draw with Turori 1-1, home
MD3: win over Hiiraan 3-1, home
MD4: OFF
MD5: draw with Yafor 2 1-1, home
MD6: draw with Rolatia 2-2, home
MD7: win over Swilatia 3-0, away
---
MD8: draw with Casari 0-0, home
MD9: draw with Turori 2-2, away
MD10: draw with Hiiraan 1-1, away
MD11: Friendly: Schiavonia, home; cancelled due to "lack of scorination"
MD12: draw with Yafor 2 1-1, away
MD13: Rolatia, away
MD14: Swilatia, home

Casari

30-01-2006, 05:23

http://i16.photobucket.com/albums/b20/Casari/4sport.png

The most painful cut of all comes in 2-1 home loss
Thankfully, this was the final home match

Yesterday, #26 Casari lost to #184 Rolatia.

Today, the Casaran National Team and the Casari Soccer Authority is looking for a new national stadium.

The end whistle blew on Casari's 2-1 loss yesterday, the stadium was oddly silent as the capacity crowd stared at the scoreboard, as if it was some sort of hideous mistake. Those who had been around before knew what was coming.

The end score wasn't indicitive of the match being played on the pitch. The Casarans were all over the field, and jumped off to a 1-nil lead in all of eight minutes before the yellows started flying. First to Roe in the 11th, for a supposed tackle from behind. Then to LeMurry in the 27th. Ronalo in the 42nd.

LeMurry was the first to get sent off in the 51st minute. 3 minutes later, Rolatia managed to even it up in front of a stunned and moderately angry crowd. Insults were being hurled at the ref by the time Roe was sent off, leaving the Casarans with 9 players on the pitch. The spirited defensive effort by the Casaran defense could only last for so long, until Rolatia finally took the lead in the 85th.

The first piece of chair flew onto the field soon after the match ended, and from there the place exploded, as seats were pulled apart and a few fires were set inside the stadium. Some rushed the pitch to be confronted by police, while others attempted to ambush the Rolatian Team Bus before it managed to leave. Thankfully, they were too late to do so, but the Casaran team was forced to spend the night in the building as riots continued.

The next day, CSA officals looked over the stadium, which has since been proclaimed "a near total loss." Although there were several complaints over the layout of Casaran National, the stadium was viewed by many as an icon for soccer in the country. Plans are currently being submitted for a new national stadium, but details are sketchy if attempts will be made to refurbish the old stadium or if a new one will be built in its place.

For now, the location for cup finals have already been moved down the road to Tyrellia City's Four Towers stadium.

Casari still holds the lead in group 6, but is in a dangerous position heading into the bye week, and could slip down to second if Yafor 2 manages a win against Turori next matchday.

Andossa Se Mitrin Vega

30-01-2006, 07:11

ASMV Still Alive - Barely

Group 3
Total n Utter Insanity 0 Very Angry Rabbits 1
Spruitland 1 Dehny 0
Lethislavania 3 Errinundera 1

This is Kellan Kildan of the ASMV Football News Network

The Sea Dragons had the day off to prepare for their final two matches against Very Angry Rabbits and Errinundrea. Which have now become more than must wins for ASMV. Also, Very Angry Rabbits handed TnUI the first loss of anything thus far in the tourney and pose a serious threat to the ASMV hopes of qualifying.

Spruitland defeated Denhy 1-0 creating a very tough scenario for the Sea Dragons. 6 points behind with 2 matches left. Add to that an 8 point goal differential and things to not look good for our squad.

Qualifying scenario: Spruitland must lose their final match. ASMV must win both remaining matches. And then the Spruitland loss and both ASMV wins must add up to more than an 8 point difference. Can it be done? Yes. Will it be done? Tune in and see.

Cuation

30-01-2006, 10:54

Rejistania Take One Place In 1-1 Day

Rejistania can afford to rest players to prepare for the next round as they take one qualifcation place. They cruised away at the top and the only threat was that Schiavonia might take top place.

At the moment we are unable to say anything but the score was 1-1 against Schiavonia. There are rumors that some Cuation fans are angry that the team languishes in fourth place when Schiavonia are second in thier first attempt. At the final whistle, the players ran into the crowd and began a punch up with their own fans.

Run In

One place open, two games, three teams can take it: Cuation, Kudlastan and Schiavonia!

Cuation: We are fourth and sit six points behind Schiavonia. We have a home game against Rejistanian and an away game against Pyrologists911. The fire raisers managed a win against us but we should take three points if the pressure is still on. However the chances of beating even a weakened Rejistanian team is slim. We also need to rely on the two rival teams to drop points.

We are going to get a second shot at the Cup of Harmony!

Kudlastan: One point ahead of Cuation, worse goal diffirence. Third place will be on the line for the final matches at least. Home games against Alexandrian Ptolemais and Schiavonia, they have the easier run in of any team. We need them to lose to the bottom team, the White Shirts and beat Schiavonia. Not going to happen.

Schiavonia: Hold second place, just a draw in any game would see Cuation fail. Home against Pyrologists911 and away to Kudlastan, we need them to lsoe both games. Not going to happen.

Jeruselem

30-01-2006, 13:11

Jeruselem Government News

Tigers make next round

World Cup 26 Match day 12. Two games left!

First the boring stuff. Tadjikistan make the 2nd round, surprise (not)! They beat McPsychoville 2-0 to secure their spot for World Cup glory. McPsychoville were basically eliminated and the Tigers made this reality. Tigers stay top and well, have a well earned rest on the last day.

Jeruselem have a bye next round but won their game against Race City 3-1. They need to win really and also need to win the last game as well, the others chase. As usual Jeruselem leave it until the last moment to make the next round and from here, we can still fail depending on what Milchama and Rordia do.

Rordia had a bye - and fall back to 4th. That's what happens with uneven numbers in a Group. 5 points behind Jeruselem meaning they hope Jeruselem don't win their last game and Milchama fail as well in their last two games.

Milchama took out Artoonia 4-1 and stay 3 points behind Jeruselem. It's tight and Milchama are right the doorstep of glory. Will Jeruselem complete the top 2 or will Milchama do it's best to upset the apple cart. Don't forget Rordia who have impressed with a win over the Tigers. They are 3rd and ready to pounce on Match day 13 where Jeruselem have the bye.

Hockey Canada roll on in cruise control. They beat Fbrenia 2-1 while Krytenia bounced back with a 2-1 win over FSX. The Canucks will make the next round really, but they have bye on MD13. Krytenia should make it apart from a Spaamian charge.

Nedalia took revenge on Wentland 2-0 and well, left everything until late as usual. The loss last game had set them back and now a bye will do the same.
Look at Group 9, 4 TEAMS can take the spot including the Lions who are 3rd.

Don't miss match day 14 or you're a dilly duck in a sewer.

Group 2
Krytenia 2 FSX 1
Hockey Canada 2 Fbrenia 1
The Weegies 1 Northern Voobaha 1

Region 2 Pts W D L GF:GA GD
Q1. Hockey Canada 26 8 2 1 17:9 8
2. Krytenia 21 6 3 2 24:13 11
3. Spaam 16 5 1 4 16:14 2
E4. FSX 13 4 1 5 13:13 0
E5. Northern Voobaha 10 2 4 4 7:10 -3
E6. The Weegies 9 1 6 3 14:17 -3
E7. Fbrenia 4 1 1 8 13:28 -15

Group 9
Squornshelous 3 Collonie 0
Nedalia 2 Wentland 0
Harlesburg 2 Bazalonia 1

Region 9 Pts W D L GF:GA GD
Q1. Squornshelous 25 8 1 2 28:8 20
2. Nanakaland 16 5 1 4 16:13 3
3. Nedalia 16 5 1 5 15:15 0
4. Wentland 16 5 1 4 17:18 -1
5. Harlesburg 14 4 2 4 12:15 -3
6. Collonie 11 3 2 5 15:21 -6
E7. Bazalonia 5 1 2 7 13:26 -13

Group 15
Tadjikistan 2 McPsychoville 0
Jeruselem 3 Race City 1
Milchama 4 Artoonia 1

Region 15 Pts W D L GF:GA GD
Q1. Tadjikistan 25 8 1 2 30:12 18
2. Jeruselem 21 7 0 4 30:27 3
3. Milchama 18 6 0 4 27:24 3
4. Rordia 16 5 1 4 25:23 2
E5. McPsychoville 10 3 1 6 16:23 -7
E6. Race City 8 2 2 6 13:20 -7
E7. Artoonia 7 2 1 7 10:22 -12

Tadjikistan

30-01-2006, 14:40

Tadjikistan Qualified
Tigers beat McPsychoville; 1st position safe

With only three matches to go the Tadjiks were almost certain of their qualification, but even then, one should not take any risks. The Sadirovs knew that very well and started against McPsychoville without making specific changes. The last thing they wanted to do now was take risks and allow the McPsychoville Machines to take away points from the Tigers.

McPsychoville was nearly eliminated and noone really believes they can beat Jeruselem and Rordia. Which doesnt mean they will be easy prey for the Tigers, on the contrary, they put up quite a fight but failed to complete what they had started. By the end of the First half they had already seen Zuhurov outwit Morrison and bring Tadjikistan to 1-0. In the second half, they defended well but remained unable to stop Salenko in yet another one of his brilliant moves at the end of the second half, resulting in 2-0.

It was no spectacle like most other matches, partly because of a good McPsychoville defense and partly because the Tadjiks played on safe. But it was a win and right now thats all that matters. Tadjikistan has four points more than Jeruselem and can no longer be overthrown by the Crusaders, who have only one game left.

Tadjikistan visits Milchama on Matchday 13 for their last match, an important one for the top 4. A Milchamian win could make the last matchday interesting. For the Tigers it will be like a friendly match against a strong opponent. But Rezvon Sadirov did say:'Throughout these qualifications, Jeruselem has shown us respect, if I can do something for them ...' Indicating the he favors Jeruselem as second qualifying team, though this opinion remains strictly personal.

Tadjikistan -4
Zuhurov '38, Salenko '85
McPsychoville -2
-

Region 15 Pts W D L GF:GA GD
Q1. Tadjikistan 25 8 1 2 30:12 18
2. Jeruselem 21 7 0 4 30:27 3
3. Milchama 18 6 0 4 27:24 3
4. Rordia 16 5 1 4 25:23 2
E5. McPsychoville 10 3 1 6 16:23 -7
E6. Race City 8 2 2 6 13:20 -7
E7. Artoonia 7 2 1 7 10:22 -12

Fixtures:
MD1: Tadjikistan - Race City W 3-0
MD2: Artoonia - Tadjikistan D 1-1
MD3: Tadjikistan - Rordia W 3-1
MD4: Jeruselem - Tadjikistan W 2-5
MD5: McPsychoville - Tadjikistan W 0-4
MD6: Tadjikistan - Milchama W 4-1
MD7: /
MD8: Race City - Tadjikistan L 1-0
MD9: Tadjikistan - Artoonia W 4-1
MD10:Rordia - Tadjikistan L 3-0
MD11:Tadjikistan - Jeruselem W 4-2
MD12:Tadjikistan - McPsychoville W 2-0
MD13:Milchama - Tadjikistan
MD14:/

Tadjik goalscorers:
Salenko - 11
Saradov - 5
Zuhurov - 4
Pliiev - 3
Mirdan - 2
Ashurov - 2
Kornilov - 1
Gurchev - 1
Solehbayev - 1

Bedistan

30-01-2006, 14:42

http://bellsouthpwp.net/h/a/harleyt_1387/bsd_banner.png

From zeroes to heroes

SONOMA CITY -- Were the Lions just toying with us all the way through qualifying?

For the past year and a half, the team fielded has looked like the infamous World Cup 18 side - remember the one that automatically qualified by hosting, then failed to score against EL CID, conceded three goals to Lovisa, and got unceremoniously dumped out in the second round with a heavy 4-1 loss to the Eagles Nest? Yeah, that one.

But in yesterday's match against the United Island Empires, they looked more like the World Cup 21 team, the one that won the whole shebang.

Things started off badly for the UIE in the ninth minute when a bit of confusion in the box led to their number three putting the ball past his own keeper to give Bedistan a 1-0 lead. From there, it was all downhill as the Lions' offense kept peppering the Empires' goal for the remainder of the first half. English and Valentín had each added one to their goal tally by halftime, putting the Lions up three-nil. And it didn't stop there. In the second half as well, it seemed as though the Lions could do no wrong, as Billy English scored again and a Tara Stalls penalty kick brought the score to 5-0.

"The UIE were just never in the game at all," said Bedistan Sports Television analyst Mike Green III. "I don't think we could've possibly found a better way to qualify."

Qualify, he says? Yes, qualify, for that is what the Lions did with that big win. Bedistan's streak of now fifteen consecutive World Cup qualifications and Kenter Surf's job both appear to be safe for now.

finalscore
Bedistan 5 (English 22, 60; Valentín 37; Stalls pen 75)
United Island Empires 0 (#3 og 9)

Player of the match: Pat Romano (9/10)

Majeristan

30-01-2006, 17:21

Falcons on the brink after draw

Hypocrium, Hypocria -- Going into World Cup XXVI, if you told the Majeristan Falcons they would earn a draw away to Hypocria, they would be delighted at the prospect. However, after blowing a 2-0 lead forged with speed and skill due to the dogged determination of the Hyppos under legendary Coach Dave Wilson, the Falcons find themselves on the verge of missing out on the World Cup with two matches remaining.

"We had every opportunity to sneak out of Hypocria with the full three points but our defence let us down," Coach Hatime I. Ra~e said after the match. "We're pleased that we were able to earn four out of six possible points against what still is a quality football side, but we're going to rue those lost points."

The Falcons (3-5-2) find themselves in a position they don't want to be in: Needing to win both final matches and hope second place One Red Dot lose their final match away to Hypocria. For a team making their World Cup debut after a second round exit from the Baptism of Fire Cup, they may not have any right to expect much, but this Falcons side have quickly become known for their determination.

"We had a run of poor play, that's all I'm going to say about it," midfielder Joe Taylor said. "We could have and should have been in striking distance with One Red Dot having one more match to go in a hostile environment against a quality football side. Now we've got an away match and we close out at home against System Karela."

The Falcons know there's a chance they might take part in the Cup of Harmony after the World Cup ends, but for Ra~e, the prospect of playing in the international football version of the NIT doesn't appeal to him, though he hastened to add the team would compete if invited.

"When you have a taste of the expensive wine, the slani version is not as good," he said. "We had a chance to sip the finest wines in the world but we're close to missing out."

"If we get invited into the Cup of Harmony, assuming that we do get eliminated from World Cup contention, we'll go," assistant coach Roger Taylor said. "[Late coach] Avid [Mashoda] would have wanted it and besides, Commerce Heights isn't running the Cup of Harmony. We think the officiating might be a touch better. At least it wouldn't be the abysmali version we're getting now."

Dance 2 Revolution

30-01-2006, 20:22

D2R destroy Cockbill Street

Cockbill Street ceases to be after huge upset in Top vs. Bottom encounter

D2R travelled to Cockbill Street as the serious underdogs, having never beaten Cockbill Street in any previous matchup between the two. Dance 2 Revolution had also been defeated earlier in qualifying by Cockbill Street at home by 1 goal to 0.

The first half of the match was very much all Cockbill Street. #9 struck the ball slightly over the bar after a good run on 25'. Despite this pressure from the vastly superior Cockbill Street squad, D2R managed to absorb this and enter the break level and goalless.

Cockbill Street again flew out of the gates, but this time the sponge of a D2R defence managaed to release the ball forward Kinitka Maeda. Kinitka Maeda chipped a ball over the heads of the Cockbill Street defence and into the path of Di Sakura, who sweetly volleyed the ball into the top corner for 1-0.

What followed was a midfield battle for supremacy as Cockbill Street fought to get back their foothold in the game. Eventually, on 76', Cockbill Street got a freekick from around 25 yards away, which was beautifully struck into the net by #10 for 1-1.

What followed was a quick flurry of goals from D2R.

Di Sakura quickly regained D2Rs lead just 3 minutes later, after lobbing the Streetian goalkeeper from a great distance from a Streetian defensive error.

Kinitka Maeda increased the lead even further, much to the delight of his manager and grandfather Naoki Maeda, along with the crowd, 5 minutes afterwards. After a mazy run splitting the defence into 2 and slotting the ball beyond the reach of the Streetian goalkeeper.

Full Time
Cockbill Street 1 (#10 76')
Dance 2 Revolution 3 (Di Sakura 51' 79', K. Maeda 84')

Next Match: Giant Zucchini @ The Naoki Maeda Stadium: Dance 2 Revolution have finally got out of the blocks, although much too late. Dance 2 Revolution will attempt to continue their legacy of keeping Giant Zucchini at bay, which will not be an easy task. D2R will meet GZ at The Naoki Maeda Stadium and continue their run up to a hopefully successful Cup of Harmony run. GZ will be trying to get a win finally over D2R and continue their path towards World Cup Qualification.

Matchday 1: Bye
Matchday 2: Dance 2 Revolution vs. Nezza (1-1 D)
Matchday 3: Amorah vs. Dance 2 Revolution (1-3 L)
Matchday 4: Dance 2 Revolution vs. Elrich (0-2 L)
Matchday 5: Dance 2 Revolution vs. Cockbill Street (0-1 L)
Matchday 6: Giant Zucchini vs. Dance 2 Revolution (0-0 D)
Matchday 7: Eauz vs. Dance 2 Revolution (0-5 L)
Matchday 8: Bye
Matchday 9: Nezza vs. Dance 2 Revolution (0-2 L)
Matchday 10: Dance 2 Revolution vs. Amorah (1-2 L)
Matchday 11: Elrich vs. Dance 2 Revolution (2-1 W)
Matchday 12: Cockbill Street vs. Dance 2 Revolution (3-1 W)
Matchday 13: Dance 2 Revolution vs. Giant Zucchini (@ The Naoki Maeda Stadium)
Matchday 14: Dance 2 Revolution vs. Eauz (@ The Naoki Maeda Stadium)

Schiavonia

30-01-2006, 20:37

The Schiavone Scribe
ONE FOR ALL, ALL ONE-ONE
Cuation 1-1 Schiavonia

In an unlikely series of events, each of the three games in Group Four on matchday twelve finished with both teams scoring a goal each.

Rumours that this sensation was due to a communist plot to ensure that goals are distributed evenly appear to be wide of the mark.

It just seems that that's the way it's turned out. In Cuation, though, there was a bit more to it.

The home side had pretty much dominated the game, and led for the majority of it through a Timothy Ashton goal, but were pegged back by Tony Tarmey's late effort.

Then, trouble. First of all, trouble within the stands amongst the home supporters, and then between the home support and the Cuation team. What followed was violent, and not really suitable to be published in the Schiavone National Press.

"I think they're just frustrated," was the opinion of the Sloths' team manager Rodney Lowe afterwards. "I mean, look at their team today, all that effort, and to have it snatched away like that at the end - the fans are bound to be unhappy."

However, SFF chief Michael Ford took a different view. "They should be done for that!" he told us, "It's one thing having disgruntled fans getting into scraps, but the players as well! Unbelievable! Cuation are a disgrace, and shouldn't be allowed to play in the World Cup!"

Of course, many back home think that Michael Ford is a disgrace and shouldn't be running the Schiavone Football Federation, but

Teams
Cuation: Jens; Butcher, Major, Yan, Cole; Robinson; Anderton, Ferguson, Ashton; Hatzori; Tanner.
Schiavonia: Kershaw 7; O'Kane 7, Park 6, Marsden 7, SMITH 8; Sanderson 7, Jones 6, Weir 7; West 7, McAndrew 6, Tarmey 8.

Final score
Cuation 1 (Ashton 21)
Schiavonia 1 (Tarmey 89)

Group 4 Pl W D L F A Pts GD
1. Rejistania 11 7 3 1 13 4 24 +9
2. Schiavonia 10 6 3 1 22 15 21 +7
3. Kudlastan 10 5 1 4 7 7 16 0
4. Cuation 10 4 3 3 14 9 15 +5
5. Pyrologists911 10 2 3 5 11 14 9 -3
6. Kaze Progressa 11 2 3 6 12 19 9 -7
7. Alexandrian Ptolemais 10 0 4 6 7 18 4 -11

A BIT LATE
The Kazoo Peoples 0-2 Schiavonia

Eventually, Schiavonia got to play their game against the Kazoo Peoples after it was cancelled on matchday 11 in the space between Mathcdays 12 and 13.

However, to avoid player fatigue, neither side played a full strength team. So what the fans ended up with was pretty much The Kazoo Peoples B versus Schiavonia B.

Schiavonia even ended up being managed by somebody totally different, a man called Reggie Benjamin. Still, players like Filipo Schiavone, CJ Moore and Andy Payne, who captained the side, were in the starting eleven, and all three put in performances that could see them pushing to get their places in the main starting eleven.

But the main plus was that second choice goalkeeper Colin Kearns put in a marvellous display in managing to keep the Kazoos at bay. After a string of disappointing performances from regular keeper Ben Kershaw, Kearns definately put the pressure on his younger rival with a man-of-the-match performance.

Final score
The Kazoo Peoples 0
Schiavonia 2 (Schiavone 34, Moore 57)

Wentland

30-01-2006, 21:01

The Wentland players were trooping off the pitch, devastated, as the Lions celebrated their 2-0 victory. The only good thing that could be said was that they had kept the score down; going two behind in the first ten minutes meant damage limitation was the order of the day.

But Edgar Bluff would not let his team off the field. Instead he had them together in a huddle and exhorted them to regard the pitch.

"Look at them! Just look at them! You'd think they'd won the whole bloody thing.

"At the start of this tournament no-one gave us a snowball's chance in hell. Whatever happens now you're going into the last game with a World Cup place up for grabs. However unlikely.

"We're not gonna come last and chances are we're gonna come 5th or above. Just keep it together.

"But look at Nedalia. Look how much this means to them. Look how they are celebrating a win over a pissant little team like us. They would have spat on a 2 goal victory after day 1, wouldn't they? They'd want a 5 goal thrashing like the Pyschic team or whatever they're called. But they think we're world-beaters.

"And we are. We beat Squornshelous. We beat Nanakaland. We even beat this lot! What happens hereon in is not relevant. We have accomplished far, far more than we have set out to do. Let's forget the World Cup and enjoy the last couple of matches.

"And just realize that once, maybe only the once, but once, we were considered equals of these guys.

"Now come on! Let's be avin you!"

Cuation

30-01-2006, 21:19

Details of Match emerge

Cuation can feel unlucky not to have taken three points as only a last gasp goal denied them three vital points.Having been insulted throughout the match, the players where frustrated and it was goalie Gary Jens that led the charge into the stands.

Ashton cut inside in the 21s minute but instead of blasting the ball, he curled it towards the near post. This was a suprise and it wasn't well executed bit it was enough, Kershaw beaten.

Cuation dominated the game with playmaker Giovanni coming to the fore but man of the match Smith helped in the strong defence. As the match wound down, more abuse could be heard from the stands and the players heads dropped.

Tarmey had played well, someone who gave Cuation a lot of problems but was unable to beat Gary Jens. This time, he turned Yan and spotted the goalie off his line. A gentle chip later, Jens was humliated and two points dropped.

However, SFF chief Michael Ford took a different view. "They should be done for that!" he told us, "It's one thing having disgruntled fans getting into scraps, but the players as well! Unbelievable! Cuation are a disgrace, and shouldn't be allowed to play in the World Cup!"

The reaction was one of anger from Gary Stevens, a former murderer and Head of Security: "Our players are sick of seeing idiots like our fans and Ford making comments like this. It only makes clear that the SSF don't deserve such an up and coming team. When our teams meet again, we will kick them off the part like we did our fans."

Jens 7; Butcher 6, Major 6, Yan 5, Cole 6; Robinson 7; Anderton 7, Ferguson 6, Ashton 7; Hatzori 8; Tanner 6

Ariddia

30-01-2006, 22:09

Ariddians celebrate team’s performance

“Fairly solid” is the word the team’s coach, Adam Seul, used to refer to the Rouge-et-Noirs’ overall performance in their past three matches, the latter two of which were on home ground, to the delight of fans. “Fairly solid” may be a reasonable assessment, but many fans are jubilant.

“We’re actually going to qualify!” one said excitedly, as Ariddia pulled off a narrow but definite 1-0 victory over Thergo in Wavecrest City Stadium.

That may be an overstatement, but things definitely are looking up since that string of losses back in World Cup 25. Ariddia are now in third place in Group 10, the highest they’ve been in this competition, and just one spot away from qualifying. One spot, but a full nine points behind group leaders Audioslavia, who are already in the clear and guaranteed a place in the final stages.

“We’ve still got two games to play, both of them away,” Seul reminded the team’s supporters. “We’ll be facing Havl, then Legalese. Now, on paper, they’re both ranked lower than we are, so some might think the hardest is now behind us. But anything could still happen in this group. On the home run, both those teams forced us into draws, and this time round they’ll have a home crowd. We can’t afford to let our guard down in the slightest.”

“It’s going to be an exciting run for the finish line,” forward player Frédéric Clément commented. “There’s just one qualifying spot left, and we’re not best placed to grab it. But it’s far from hopeless, and we’re going to give it everything we have.”

The Ariddian Football Association is not making any comment, other than to say it is pleased the team’s home match against Audioslavia did not generate “any particular tension”. Seul deliberately fielded player Wol Eosh, who had been prevented from competing in Audioslavia, and some people in the stadium booed during the Audioslavian anthem, but there was no notable incident.

There have been rumours that a national day of holiday and celebrations will be organised should Ariddia actually qualify – which would have been little more than a wild dream at the start of the competition.

Hypocria

30-01-2006, 22:14

World Cup 26 News

Eliminated!

You didn’t did to have a degree in advanced calculus to work out the permutations ahead of matchday 12. It was simple, win or be dumped out of qualification contention by a team ranked over 100 places lower down the pecking order.

So what do you think happened? Exactly.

Hypocria 2 - 2 Majeristan

On another day we might talk about the battling performance that helped the Hyppos to a share of the points after being 0 - 2 down. But against a side we should be beating comfortably that simply is not good enough. And the fans made their feelings known as they greeted the full time whistle with a loud chorus of boos, jeers and catcalls. Considering that in three games against lower ranked opposition, two Majeristan and one against Palacetonia, the Hyppos have picked up a single measly point the fans anger is understandable.

The hugely disappointing campaign has raised major question marks over the future of national coach Dave Wilson. The veteran coach reached hero status not so long ago when he masterminded the Hyppos AOCAF triumph but the World Cup is the big one and everything else pales in comparison. HFA chief Alex Scott has rubbished claims that Wilson will be sacked but it is looking increasingly likely that Sarzonia’s World Cup winning manager will not have his contract extended.

But back to the qualifying campaign. The silent Oaker Sharks have secured qualification from Group 12 after an easy 3 - 0 home win over Palacetonia while One Red Dot are looking fairly safe and sound in second place after beating Hurleyland 2 - 0. Majeristan are the only other side able to finish second but the Falcons need two wins and a huge favour from the Hyppos to do that.
Region 12 Pts W D L GF:GA GD
Q1. Oaker 22 6 4 1 25:11 14
2. One Red Dot 19 5 4 2 16:11 5
3. Majeristan 14 3 5 2 16:13 3
E4. Hypocria 12 3 3 4 14:20 -6
E5. System Karela 11 1 8 1 1:1 0
E6. Hurleyland 11 3 2 5 8:13 -5
E7. Palacetonia 5 1 2 7 9:20 -11
We may be out of the running but Majeristan fans will be glued to Hypocria’s next match. The Hyppodrome hosts One Red Dot and should the top seeds lose in Hypocrium the Falcons will edge that little bit closer to a most unlikely success story. The rest of us are left wondering what might have been.

Qualification Schedule

Hypocria v System Karela (Oceanside Stadium, Pylos) (1 - 0)
Bye
Oaker v Hypocria (6 - 0)
Hurleyland v Hypocria (1 - 4)
Majeristan v Hypocria (4 - 1)
One Red Dot v Hypocria (2 - 2)
Hypocria v Palacetonia (Drissa Sports Arena, Drissa) (1 - 2)
System Karela v Hypocria (0 - 0)
Bye
Hypocria v Oaker (Hyppodrome, Hypocrium) (2 - 3)
Hypocria v Hurleyland (Oceanside Stadium, Pylos) (1 - 0)
Hypocria v Majeristan (Hyppodrome, Hypocrium) (2 - 2)
Hypocria v One Red Dot (Hyppodrome, Hypocrium)
Palacetonia v Hypocria

Squornshelous

30-01-2006, 22:23

Squornshelous Smashes Collonie

The Pschychoes continue good results as five teams fight for second place

Squornshelous cruised to a 3-0 victory over Collonie, and probably destroyed that team's chances for qualification in the process. While Collonie can still reach 17 points, the likelihood that no other team in the group will is practicly nil, if not already impossible due to schedules, something our sports analysts have not yet looked into. Squornshelous have had quite a successful qualifying run, and right now stand at 25 points with one match left to play, against Harlesburg. This point total puts them in a tie with Tadjikistan for the #5 place among all qualifiers. Squornshelous is also currently #5 with respect to total goals scored with 28, and #2 in goal difference with 20. Unfortuanately, it always seems that the teams with the best qualifying runs fall prey to underachievement in the 1st or second rounds. Squornshelous will have to work hard on staying sharp during the break between qualifying and the cup, especially with a bye on the last qualifying matchday.

Final Score:
Squornshelous 3-0 Collonie

Wentland

30-01-2006, 23:00

"...so we need to purchase new nets as a result."

"Eurgh. Well, that's item 16(a) dealt with anyway. I don't have the stomach for 16(b).

"Item 17...hosting the next World Cup match with Bazalonia."

"Well, they complained about that tellyvizzyon programme, so maybe we should treat them with the same respect?"

"You mean back to Alumgreen? After last time?"

"Well, they could promise not to play that riot song again. And we did win there."

"Yes, but who will host the delegation? Hands up for volunteers?...let the minutes show that no-one volunteered. Hold up, where's the Chaplain?"

"Popped out for a pee. Here he is now."

"Well, gentlemen, did I miss anything?"

"Oh, not really, only, er, deciding who will host the Bazalopes. I tell you what, Your Reverence, would you like to do the honours?"

"Oh, that would be splendid, most splendid. A great honour for the Church of Wentland. I've always been keen to promote the physical nature of religion, you know. Where are we playing?"

***

As agreed the playlist had changed as the Alumgreen faithful filled their cage to its utmost.

Unfortunately for the Wentland FA, a new band, The Magnificent Five, had emerged as the new press darlings in the dog-eat-dog world of pop music and were currently number one with their patriotic, histrionic, cacaphonic yet ecstatic single, which was receiving rotation play at Rock Road...

A new royal family
The wild nobility
We are the family...

Followed by a relentless drumbeat that was imitated by the 15,000 crammed-in faithful with footstomps that sent the "stadium" shivering in fear.

Went people are the warriors...YEAHHH!!
Went music is our BANNER!!!!

The Archregimancy

30-01-2006, 23:37

THE ARCHREGIMANCY BRINGS YOU

THE MONASTIC TIMES

MONKS DEFEAT SATAN
National Team Also Wins Football Match

By Fr. Nicholas the Scribe

"Yes, I constantly defeat Satan" says Fr. Rusticus the Farmer. "Why, just last week, three demons possessed my cows, causing their milk to curdle. One quick exorcism later, and they were producing fresher, more flavoursome milk than ever before!"

Fr. Rusticus is but one of many Archregimancy monks with personal experience of defeating the adversary - Fr. Anastasius the Listener tells of his experience: "I was walking from Pantocrator to the Grand Lavra a couple of weeks ago, when I came across a naked woman. In the Archregimancy! Her shapely hips, golden tresses, gentle curves, and ruby lips were clearly a device of Satan to tempt and vex my immortal soul. I simply closed my eyes, and continued on my way, immune to the charms of the demoness - though I did badly scrape my knee a few times when I tripped on the rocks".

And then there's prominent Archregimancy media personality Fr. John the Golden-Throated. "Well, I was in ordinary reality once - I won't tell you the nation - and I was set on by demons taking the form of four young drunken thugs. I simply knelt down in prayer on the spot, causing the demons to fall about in laughter. I simply arose anew, and continued on my way as they helplessly rolled around the ground laughing and clutching their sides and chests, and I reached my destination safely, protected by the Lord."

With this sort of track record, is it any surprise that our national football team once again defeated the Anathematic Republics overnight in Ariddia? Details are sketchy given the Holy Synod's refusal to publicise the efforts of the Adversary, but it's believed that a brace from Fr. Silouan of the Seventy Caves cancelled out a penalty erroneously and sinfully awarded to Julian the Apostate.

The Holy Synod and Monastic Football Association had little further comment except to note satisfaction that the losing souls of the damned could now return to suffering for all eternity in the fiery bowels of Hell.

WENTLAND BAND BANNED
In other news, Wentland band The Magnificent Five have surprisingly found favour with the Archregimand himself with their debut album 'Dirk Wears Went Sox'. Despite the total lack of any liturgical content - which means the album is banned in the rest of the nation - the Archregimand has taken to blasting the hit single 'Kings of the Went Frontier' and forthcoming hit 'Wentmusic' at top volume, causing the Holy Synod to lodge a formal protest with both the Archregimand and the Holy Empire, asking that the Archregimand be recalled and replaced if he doesn't lower the music, stop painting his face with white stripes, and cease dressing like a vaguely homoerotic combination of highwayman and pirate.

I feel beneath the white
There is a Went man
Suffering
From centuries of taming....

And 'Wentmusic'

Wentmusic for Wentpeople
Wentpeople for Wentmusic
You may not like it now but you will
You may not like it now but you will

The Gupta Dynasty

30-01-2006, 23:50

(OOC:Since I was getting tired of my previous format, I am doing this instead).

BIC:

The following is an excerpt from an editorial in The Ajerite Sun.

Are the Golden Wolves for real, or are they just a flash in the pan?

That is the question that lies on the tongue of every Yaforite football/soccer fan. They are all curious, whether they believe one way or the other, to learn the answer. But there is more to the question than people realize. To understand a football/soccer team, one must delve inside the team, to understand what it truely is about.

The victory over Casari was a very heralded one. Magazines and newspapers all across the country began calling for a "revival of Yaforite sports" and a "continuation of our Cup of Harmony prowess". But, at heart, the game was ugly. The Yaforites barely managed to pull past, on a goal by Ysilko on the outside and some dubious calls inside the Yaforite goal box on corner kicks. That was clear. But would the Yaforite coaches ride the moral wave, or address the mistakes?

I went to the camp, not long after the game and was astounded. Head Manager Keron Alhrem was not only ignoring the media frenzy, but he was working his players in the blistering heat of the gym (heated to over 80 degrees Farenhieght) more than I had seen on previous occations! His players looked exhausted (as did he, being a former player, he ran laps and did excercises with them), but he paid it no mind.

I later asked him why, and his response was simple; "We played badly. We have to fix that." This undieing devotion to improvement, the commitment on the faces of all of the players, the will that drives this team, this is the mentality of champions.

The result of all of this was as obvious as the players' exhaustion: the Golden Wolves crushed Hiiraan, a team they had previously lost to, 3-1. But they controlled the ball (ball control percentages were 76-24) and overwhelmed the unrated side. It was was incredibly easy to see which team was better. The Golden Wolves of Yafor 2.

Even in their last game, a 1-1 tie against The Kazoo Peoples, their skill was evident. The opposing manager has been quoted as saying; "Yafor 2 is a much better team, and we recognize that." Even their opponents' admiration is evident.

Do the Golden Wolves have enough to qualify? That is not clear. But whether they do or not, what is clear, is that they deserve to.

-The writer is a senior correspondent for The Sporting Daily News.

The Kazoo Peoples

30-01-2006, 23:54

It was "in the space between Matchdays 12 and 13... fans ended up with was pretty much The Kazoo Peoples B versus Schiavonia B," concluded one Schiavonian newspaper.

The final score ended up 2-0, but considering that the match was played entirely by players not starting the World Cup, it wasn't too bad of a match.

"If we played on an off day, I think we could have dominated. Playing inbetween Matchdays 12 and 13 was too weird, and as we were already sending players to our next match, we couldn't afford to send our best back home," said a drunken fan exiting the stadium.

Schiavonia's goals were scored by Schiavone (34'), Moore (57')

---
Waaay back on MD1, we ran this story, and we'd like to compare how the predictions held up:

Odds Announced; Kazoos chance of advancing slim

Oddsmakers in the main gambling city of Monte Carlico announced their odds for teams advancing to the knockout stage. The top two teams advance.

They were as follows:

Turori 5:2
Casari 7:2
Yafor 2 12:1
Swilatia 24:1
The Kazoo Peoples 80:1
Rolatia 400:1
Hiiraan 1000:1
...
---
Order of Finish Prediction

We project the Kazoo Peoples to finish fourth, above Swilatia. Fresh off of their successful BoF, this team has the momentum to place above some higher ranked teams. We predict two wins against Hiiraan, a win and a tie against Rolatia, a win and a tie against Swilatia, a tie and a loss to Yafor 2, a tie and a loss to Casari, and two losses to Turori, giving a projected total of 16 points [sic] (4-4-6). [Should be 4-4-4]

Two wins against Hiiraan (ACTUAL: One win, one draw, 4 points)
A win and tie against Rolatia (ACTUAL: One draw, one yet to play, 1+? point)
A win and a tie against Swilatia (ACTUAL: One win, one yet to play, 3+? points)
A tie and a loss against Yafor 2 (ACTUAL: Two draws, 2 points)
A tie and a loss to Casari (ACTUAL: One tie, one loss, 1 point)
Two losses against Turori (ACTUAL: Two ties, 2 points)

---

And Donald McRonald, on matchday 6, predicted the demise of some unsupported teams:

#8 Turori (Group 6), have fallen to #3 in the group. With a record of 1-3-1, and our very own Kazoo Peoples, as well as Yafor 2, nipping at their heels, they may fall even further in the rankings. In fact, Hiiraan (unranked!) defeated them by a margin of 5-2! It seems that Turori relies on fan support a whole lot. And when they don't get it, they suffer. Only six points, with draws with #120 The Kazoo Peoples, #26 Casari, and #83 Swilatia signals lots of trouble ahead! My prediction is that Turori will not qualify.

Commentary: he called that one -- Turori is out of qualification, with a record of 1-6-4.

#17 Lovisa (Group 10), also have fallen to #3 with a record of 2-1-2 (7 points). Legalese and Ariddia are right behind them with 6 points each. Tonissia is ahead of Lovisa with 9 points. Lovisa have a -1 goal difference, and have lost to #178 Thergo and #102 Ariddia, while drawing the very powerful #12 Audioslavia. My prediction is that the Lovisa team is a sinking boat. My prediction is that Lovisa will lose qualification on tiebreak.

Currently in second, on pace to qualify.

#25 Five Civilized Nations (Group 8), is the fourth-placed team in their group with a record of 1-3-1 (6 points). Though not in immediate danger of falling further (East Lithuania and Pastorville are both behind by 3 points), a rally by either team could send Five Civilized Nations into (dare I say it?) fifth! They have drawn #161 Firania, #58 Pastorville, and the very tough #6 Liverpool England. Their loss was to the Baptism of Fire winner, The Islands of Qutar (though ranked 104th, they are still a tough team!). My prediction is that Five Civilized Nations will not qualify.

Another good call. Out entirely.

#32 EL CID THE HERO (Group 1), hasn't improved much (only 1 point improvement!) since the last time I talked to you, with a record of 2-1-2 (7 points) currently. Technically in a tie with #184 County Islands (to whom they just lost 2-1), claiming second only on better overall goal difference (2 to 1). Considering they have Matchday 6 off, it looks like they will fall further in the group (#50 Kericia lurks 2 points off the second place position, and as mentioned earlier, County Islands has the same amount of the points). EL CID THE HERO drew #1 Sarzonia and lost to #184 County Islands since we've last chatted, and their recent downhill slide makes me wonder if they'll actually qualify. My prediction is that EL CID THE HERO will not qualify on a tiebreak."

In second, battling it out with County Islands.

"What is your opinion on Group 6? Do the Kazoos stand any chance of qualifying?"

"I really don't know. But I do think that the Kazoos will finish ahead of Turori. I'm unconfident in the Kazoos ability to win on the road, as 4 of their last 6 will be away. I have a strong feeling that at least one qualifying spot will be locked up on Matchday 12, (not right, but oh well) with the other spot up for grabs. Though the Kazoo Peoples will bring a tough fight, I am uncertain if they will pull together enough points to qualify. I think that two of the four following will qualify: Casari, Hiiraan, The Kazoo Peoples, and Yafor 2 (good call, all four teams still in it; plus Swilitia)...."

And there you have it! A reflection on predictions made by anyone and everyone!

Rejistania

31-01-2006, 00:16

Quotes from after the match:

Seletarakeledira Hanselijimijile: We played like we are last league in Rejistania! This way, we not belong into the world cup!

Teke Daran: Slani'kasi!

Visnu Kanavan: This really was not a match I am proud of. It should be put into the archive and only put out of it to scare little children!

Random Rejistani fan: 1-1 Alexandrian Ptolemais'ja, this is a slani joke!

Na~ovi Nanti: "Maniac" fired!

Oliverry

31-01-2006, 00:24

This is the Pepsioli RP Deadline for today.

Hiiraan

31-01-2006, 00:24

World Cup Reporters
"Swilatia Just Sucks in this Game"

with an apprent second run at Hiiraan, Swilatia has arrived in Hiiraan nationale Satdia di Mugadisho to see how they can perform against Hiiraan. "I think We can win this like I always say" repeated the coach under the influence of something we did not immidiately recognise. "Swilatia Just sucks in this game" he added as he commented about Hiiraan next Challanger. "Who are they, I have never went to Swilatia other than my last visit there with the game but Since there losing curb has been bad, it would not be bad if Hiiraan added one more."

Hiiraan next challanger has be known to also be bad in GDP wise, their nation has not yet started any foreign tourist posts and it can be single handedly named the world's worst tourist nation by Hiiraan's Capitalizta Newspaper. "The place sucks to be honest" said a famous toursit to Swilatia.

Swilatia, to be fair to both sides boosts a good team and formation on the football pitch but way below Hiiraan's capabilites. "yeah we can beat them" said Micheal Nuur of Hiiraan. Hiiraan is also boosting out Zakariyta Mohamed who missed the game against Tutori. "With Zakariya on the team, we can easily beat them" he added.

Turori

31-01-2006, 00:43

Cup of Sharmony Awaits?

Rejistanians are up in arms. Why are Rejistanian's up in arms? "The Worst Host Ever" Claim the Orange-Blues, despite sitting pretty atop their group and already being slated for a place in the World Cup Finals. Alternatively, the Turori Eels are set to miss the World Cup for the first time Since World Cup 17. Despite having never been crowned champions, The Eels have consistently found a place in the World Cup Knockout stage and maintained a top 5 ranking until this past cup, when they'd slipped to 8th in the respected KPB Rankings.

However, the facilities in some of the newer nations were by no means of international standards, with some games being played on pure Ice. The Turorians, used to the 10 month stretches of tropical weather in the Vilitan Cove, were unable to cope as well as their Vilitan counterparts who had the advantage of being able to select players from Inland Peaks FC, based high in the Morata Mountains and more adept to a cooler climate and pitch.

The Turorian's will now be looking for a berth in the Cup of Harmony to collect something out of this cup season, and will be supporting whichever bid best fits itself within these parameters.

Tanah Burung

31-01-2006, 02:30

Death watch

Mau Slurp's House of Gambling gave the following odds on Tanah Burung's elimination:

bye day (3-1)
after a loss to DaWhoseLine People (even)
after loss to Bettia (3-2)
after loss to remaining teams (4-1)

The gambling maven reports large losses after a draw and then an upset 3-2 win at Bettia. Reports are, however, that the Holy Order of St. Judy has seen record profits, (oops, record numbers of acts of charity) with a 154% increase in the Benevolence Market in Tiga Burung City. Praise St. Judy!

And so, Tanah Burung has not yet been eliminated. It has raised hopes that a miracle may be in the offing. Father Xerxes of Findabaya went on TVTB to announce that "God will take me home" unless Tanah Burung qualifies. "Don't make God sad," he ranted. "Give generously to the Buringi football programme. Oh, and if you see the Easter Bunny in the road, kill him."

Nanakaland

31-01-2006, 03:28

Laksu Kynsu sat at his desk, disappointed. "The Nanakabirds conceded twice," he said to himself, "they need to win the next match and Harlesburg and Wentland both need to draw. From first to second to fourth." He sighed. "I just don't know if Nanakaland can do it. Perhaps the Cup of Harmony... It was an embarrasing --"

Just then, Anthony Johnson opened the door. He coughed heavilly. "Sorry for not doing my best," he said, "It's just that, I just haven't been myself and--" The Nanakan striker collapsed to the ground.

A phone rang. Hesitating, Kynsu picked it up. "Have you checked your va'karela lately?" a voice on the other side asked. "I may have added some special ingredients to it to make it more... effective."

"What did you do?" the coach asked.

"Oh nothing, just a little mix of va'takil, bird flu, and some of my other 'special ingredients' with it as I imported it from Rejistania. Don't worry, your team will be alive, just unable to play."

"Why?"

"Money. Unless you pay me 500,000,000 Nanakans by tommorrow your precious team will not be able to --"

"Never, you evil takil!"

"Do you want the cure or not? Frankly, I don't care about how the Nanakabirds do."

"I will never associate with a takil like you, I'd rather try to find a way to stop this poison myself."

"Oh yeah? Well I am --"

"And I have caller ID and frankly it's quite stupid of you to call with your cell phone."

"Whoops, wrong number I guess." There was a clicking sound as the mysterious caller hung up. Would Laksu Kynsu be able to stop the sickness in the team in time to save the Nanakaland's chance to qualify in the World Cup? Find out on Matchday 14...

[NS]Bazalonia

31-01-2006, 04:03

"Alumgreen... what's that?" asked James Gaines to his secretary...

"I don't know, Mr Gaines. Though from the context it seems it would be a football stadium in Wentland." answered the secretary...

"Hmmm... Well the WFA & WBC still has not replied to the claims... I should get our legal department to check it out..."

....

The Bazalopes and the coaching team landed in Wentland. They where greeted at the Airport by the chaplain of the Church of Wentland, he looked like he didn't really want to be there, like he knew something was going to happen that he didn't like.

"Greetings, Chaplain. I am Caine Hawdon, the head Coach of the Bazalonia Bazalopes. This is Malcolm Frost and Jayne Heart my assistant coaches."

"Uh nice, to meet you." said the Chaplian nervously

So, where's this Alumgreen then?" asked Caine

"Uh, Don't you want to go to your hotel first. I can easily give you directions to Alumgreen from there? You'll want to set youselves up before going and checkling out the stadium." nervously suggested the Chaplain

"Yeah... We'll go to the Hotel, drop our things off then you can show us the Stadium.... let's go"

The Bazalope team, coaches and all the sundry support professions headed out of the Airport and to some busses that the team had hired to take them to their hotel (also organised by the BFSA. It was a nice not too ritzy but very nice none the less. The porters took all their equipment, bags, etc up to the rooms and the coaches with the Chaplain, even though the chaplain was trying to make excuses for him to leave, went to the Stadium by Taxi...

When the Taxi pulled up, the stadium looked pretty nasty... "Let's hope the inside is better... however the inside looked worse. The coaches made a call and some more of the support staff wAs out, doing things lie measuring the field, Goal box, corner circles, everything. They went over the field with a fine tooth comb looking for anything that might disqualify this stadium as being an international stadium. The field itself was technically fine, and it seems a number of areas the stadium was close to being outside the international parameters but it was still inside all internation regulations established by the WCC for internationals. As soon as they had entered the Chaplain "went to the Bathroom" and never came back.

The team when they arrived for there first training session at the ground where appalled... but there was no recourse against the WFA, this was an international stadium though the amenities it provided where bare minimum and according to the players certainly not upto "an internation standard"..

The matchday played... The stadium was virtually chocked full of Wentlanders with the latest single from some Wentland pop group being played at fulll pitch... The Stadium seemed to shake as the crowd was going wild....

The national anthems where being sung, The Wentland national anthem was sung by the pop group of the moment.... The Magnificent Five.. As a pop song it actually sounded half-decent, then it was time for thhe Bazalonian National Anthem. There seemed to be a mix up... instead of the Bazalonian Nationional anthem being played there was "Tie me Bazalope Down." by Holf Rarris... Which was quite an insult.... anyway it was now time for the match to start....

The match was pretty much a stalemate for the first half... It seemed the defense was quite stirred up against the song "Tie me Bazalope Down"being played instead of the National Anthem... Shane Smith and Steve Conne both got Yellow cards with Steve Conne nearly getting a red card. The second half was slightly more interesting with Colin Neil scoring the first Goal in the second half just 11 minutes in. Colin was substitued as Peter Hobble gained an injury during half-time tripping over some piece of the stadium that was sticking out.

Though it did not take long for the home team to equalise, just 6 minutes later Martin Smith scored the equaliser with an amazing shot that totally confused the goalie, Jeffery Constantine. The Wentland team had two more chances to increase their lead but they could not replicate the magic of the first goal and Jeffery either saw them go wide or go straight to the goalie.

Bazalonia hads a few more chances too one of which was a controversilal call by the referee.... The Bazalonians thought it went in but the Goalie and the Referee.... despite being seemingly out-numbered the referee and the goalie still kept firm even though the replay did show that the ball just was inside the goal before the goalie knocked it forward to a Wentland defender. The Bazalopes where furious with the referee, the stadium and the WFA.... though they took their fuming rage and turned it on themselves on the flight home hurling accusations at each other... about not performing to their ability.

Alasdair I Frosticus

31-01-2006, 04:03

THE ARCHREGIMANCY BRINGS YOU

WORLD CUP TONIGHT

With Fr. Nicholas the Scribe and Fr. John the Golden-Throated

"So.... Fr. John.... Bedistan... Did we stand any chance?"

"We always stand a chance, Fr. Nicholas - through God all things are possible - but I believe the question you're asking is 'did we win last night', in which case the answer is 'no'. But no shame in losing to the 5th-ranked team in the world, surely?"

"Perhaps not, but we were playing them at home, and we'd managed a dramatic 2-2 draw in the away leg..."

"And in World Cup 25, Fr. Nicholas, we beat Rejistania 3-1 and still didn't qualify. One result means little in the grand scheme of things - who are we to question God's plan?"

"Aside from theology, what about the match itself?"

"Well, Fr. Nicholas, nothing much to report there - we were never really in it. Bedistan score three quality goals, and we manage only two on target shots the entire match. The goals themselves?

In the 25th minute Billy English humbles Fr. Dmitri even more than usual, and sends this shot past the despairing Fr. Justinian as the defender is left floundering in English's wake.

English scores another in the 44th minute as Fr. Michael the Greater uncharacteristically fails to clear a corner, and the Bedistan forward cleans up the loose ball.

Finally, in the 59th minute, English completes the hat-trick with this cheeky chip over the on-rushing Fr. Justinian after being sent clean through with a delightful threaded past.

The best we could manage was this 64th minute shot from Fr. Constantine that clipped the post before bouncing wide"

"Not much in the way of theological allusions there, Fr. John... that's not like you..."

"What's there to say, Fr. Nicholas? We were outclassed by a superior team, and even we can't rely on miracles to get the job done. You don't need to be a theologian to see that Bedistan deserved to win. But what about the other groups, Fr. Nicholas - that's your specialty, isn't it?"

"Thank you, Fr. John... In group 1, Sarzonia are easily through. The big question mark is whether EL CID THE HERO - a Catholic schismatic, don't you know - will hold off surprise package County Islands, who are only one point behind despite miserable goal difference.

Group 2's done and dusted. Hockey Canada qualify first, ahead of Krytenia.

Group 3's another group with a surprise package fighting for qualification. Here long-time Cup stalwarts TnUI are through, but Dehny are only two points behind second-placed Spruitland.

In group 4, Kaze Progressa's stunning failure - surely the Lord's just judgement on the heathen excelites - has left Rejistania, Schiavonia and Kudlastan to fight it out. The karelans are through, but could well finish second to Schiavonia if the latter win well, while Kudlastan need a big victory combined with a Schiavonia loss.

Group 5 is yet another where established teams are being given a surprisingly close run, with Hoolabaloola threatening to push out either Crystilakere or Vilita.

And then we have the extraordinary group 6.... favourites Turori are guaranteed to finish bottom, while no fewer than five teams are fighting it out for the two qualifying spots, and only four points separate fifth from first. As gambling is sinful, I'll refrain from commenting further.

Group 7 is over. WC committee president Starblaydia finishes above our fellow Orthodox brethren in NMS.

Group 8 has provided the first confirmed qualification shock - one of the greatest shocks in many a year. I'm not talking about Liverpool England qualifying, but the amazing campaign of Baptism of Fire entrants the Islands of Qutar, who can still top the group if they but draw tomorrow. Personally, I'm not sure a baptism of fire replaces baptism in the Lord - sounds awfully Zoroastrian to me - but no one can deny it's helped the Islands on the pitch.

And then the nightmare of region 9... Squornshelous are through. Fine. But five other teams are fighting it out for second. Collonie are surely a long shot, but the other four teams - including Wentland, recently the source of some musical controversy in our fine nation.

Group 10 is almost as complicated, with Audioslavia through, and five teams still fighting for second. But here Lovisa have a clear edge, at least two points ahead of the other teams, and with a decent goal difference. I'm sure many in the Dreamed Realm, however, will be cheering for Ariddia.

Next our group, group 11. Bedistan are through. Technically, three teams, including our good selves, can still make second. However... by my calculations, all we need is a draw against the Catholic schismatics in Cataduanes in order to qualify. Here's praying.

Group 12 is another where it's all over. Oaker qualify above One Red Dot.

Group 13 is also theoretically over, with Cockbill Street finishing above Eauz (barring a seven goal victory for Eauz). However.... recent evidence suggests that Cockbill Street may have ceased to exist - perhaps they've been visited by a punishment from the Lord? No official word yet on what happens if Cockbill Street can't take their place in the tournament.

In group 14, Fmjphoenix are through, while Bettia head Praying2God and Tanah Burung for second. Here's hoping either Bettia or the slightly unorthodox, but well-intentioned, Tanah Burung team keep the Sabellian heretic pentacostalists of Praying2God out of the tournament.

Group 15 is similar. Tadjikistan are through, while Jerusalem hold the advantage over surprise package Rordia and the warriors of Meel-HA-ma"

"Thanks, Fr. Nicholas... that was quite comprehensive"

"It's shaping up to be a thrilling final day of competition, Fr. John, and many citizens of the Archregimancy will be praying to the Lord that, between our good selves and New Montreal States, two Orthodox nations will be qualifying for the finals...."

Sarzonia

31-01-2006, 04:05

Rumours abound after Stars rout

Barry Owens wasn't on the sidelines for Sarzonia's away match to Kericia. After talking with Vice President for Health and Athletics Jimmy Marshall, he chose to step down as the Stars' head coach sooner, rather than later. That left Brett Hancock to call the shots from the sidelines for Sarzonia's final World Cup qualifying match before a bye week.

The way the Stars played, they didn't need Owens.

Midfielder Jenna Raven scored a hat trick for the first time in her career and Horace Sandt notched a clean sheet without facing a shot for the first time in his career and Sarzonia throttled Kericia 6-0, tying a senior national team record with six goals and a plus six margin of victory heading into the bye.

"I just told the guys to let the pitch be their sanctuary," Hancock said. "Take out your frustrations on Kericia."

Did they ever. Sarzonia dominated every facet of the match and went into the break with a 8-3-1 record in Group 1 with momentum toward the World Cup finals but also went in with an eye toward increased intrigue. According to unconfirmed reports, former Stars coach Dave Wilson may tender his resignation as Hypocria national team coach, citing "lack of administrative support."

"That would be a good way for Dave Wilson to leave on his own terms," a Stars team source said on condition of anonymity. "Nothing's etched in stone because Wilson still has a valid contract with Hypocria, but we're probably going to see the return of Dave Wilson to Sarzonia as the new Stars coach."

Meet the new boss, same as the old boss? Perhaps. But the reports suggest that Wilson will return as both IFF Chairman and national team coach. To make accomodations for the demands that would place on Wilson, he would lean heavily on his top assistant coach and the person he hires for the new job of IFF president. But Wilson "is really keen to come home," the source said.

"Nothing's going to be etched in stone," the source said. "If Hypocria wish to retain Wilson, he's going to stay and we'll reorganise. But if Hypocria and Wilson wish to part ways, he's got his pick of either or both jobs."

Right now, that didn't matter. The Stars look to the future but may head into that future with a blast from the past.

[NS]Bazalonia

31-01-2006, 04:29

BFSA OFFICIAL PRESS RELEASE

-----------

At the end of the Baptism of Fire Tournament, Anthony and Andrew Creek, known collectively as "The Creek Brothers", scored nasty injuries as a result of a fracas against the Island of Qutar team in the elimination round. These injuries where fairly severe but we are happy to annonce that Both of the brothers are now officially fit to play after months of physiotherapy. They have spent the last few training sessions with the Bazalopes and have been officially declared as fit to play for the Bazalopes last match in the 26th World Cup. They will be put back into the starting side. To make room for the brothers in the Bazallonian Bazalopes Johannes Bask and Nathan Iglacious will go back to their league careers. With the Creek Brothers back in the Bazalonian side we will once again be a force to e reckoned with.

Giant Zucchini

31-01-2006, 05:59

Another Own Goal!
Episode 10: All Or Nothing, Or Just Nothing, Against Amorah

You know the scene…dark…couch…green fingered fella…well…no difference.

“…and it’s a free kick given for the foul against Tartini, it’s Poulsen over it, almost the whole Zucchini team is in the box now, and it’s to the far post, no one has picked up Brugghen…BRUGGHEN! It’s a magnificent diving header and will that prove to be the spur for the equalizer? Giant Zucchini attacking in numbers now…de Silva...and the ball skids across the keeper there…and across the goal as well. There’s not much time left…but here is Rilke…he turns the defenders and he’s around the keeper! Oh, he’s put it into the side netting…Mitnav punts the ball upfield…and that’s the final whistle. Heartbreak for the Zucchinis as they fail to make up ground over Eauz. Oh…this just in…Amorah has lost to Nezza in their match, which means…yes, that means that they are still equal on points. This may take on greater significance in the wake of the Cockbill Street controversy…pending what the WCC decides, the next match against Amorah may decide who goes through to the Group Stages…or it may not.”

To be continued…

Giant Zucchini’s Department of Number Crunching and Data Spewing presents:

Match stats:

Dance 2 Revolution - 2
Haiti (15), Vifoqa (41)

Giant Zucchini - 1
Brugghen (86)

Yellow Cards:
Van Hujkdul (64)

Giant Zucchini stats:

Top Goalscorers:
Johann Rilke – 5
Absamat Chekhov – 2
Armand Boyer – 2
Gottlieb Poulsen – 2
Dino Nuvolari - 2
Mikhail Glinka – 1
Arturo Bardi – 1
Boudewijn Brugghen – 1

Yellow Cards:
Dino Nuvolari – 1
Domingo Ferrero – 1
Armand Boyer – 1
Gottlieb Poulsen – 1

Red Cards:
Mikhail Glinka – 1

Wentland

31-01-2006, 07:30

Edgar Bluff's jaw dropped. He stared at his clunky mobile in utter disbelief.

"They did WHAT????"

"They lost. Collonie 2 Nanakaland 0."

"..."

Suddenly his heart soared. It looked all over after a disastrous night. Someone had mislaid the copy of the National Anthems LP. OK, they had The Magnificent 5 in the stands who kindly came down to rock through "Keep Right On", but what could they do for the Bazalope anthem?

Fortunately the Chaplain was a big fan of Holf Rarris and his Artistic Stylings, and he always kept a copy of "Catalogue Raisonne: The Strokes of Holfie" with him. And that had a song that name-checked Bazalonia. So the stadium DJ played that instead.

Unfortunately it perhaps was not the most tactful of choices. Particularly the lines:

Let me Bazzas go loose, Bruce,
Let me Bazzas go loose,
They're of no further use, Bruce,
Let me Bazzas go loose...

The Wentland crowd was openly laughing throughout. However Edgar Bluff noticed the Bazalopes bristle and saw their jaws set. Oh dear, he thought, this is not going to go well.

And Wentland could not get into a rhythm. The first half saw Bazalonia tear into Wentland with some pretty robust tackling; how Steve Conne avoided a red is amazing. But Wentland created barely a chance.

The second half was even worse, to start with. Bazalonia calmed down their approach and showed some of the skills that saw them so well in the Baptism of Fire. Substitute Colin Neil scored in the 56th minute and that saw a major tactical rejig as Bluff huled off the underperforming Morgan and throw on Smith to use him as a target man.

The move paid off entirely unexpectedly. Tiny is not exactly known for his ball skills and when he collected a loose ball 30 yards out just after the hour mark no-one thought anything of it. But he took the ball on and released a thunderous shot that shimmied in the air and nearly broke the top corner. One-all and it was Game On.

Ten minutes later a swift passing movement saw Treves one-on-one but he shot straight at Constantine. In the 74th minute Smith had a chance but his snap shot went just wide.

But on the counter in the 80th minute Bazalonia came within a hairsbreadth of taking the lead. Gilmore took a free kick from 20 yards out that swerved in the air, deceived Edmunds totally and came down off the bar, hit the back of the prostrate Edmunds and spun back towards goal. Jack desperately clawed the ball out and Green completed the clearance, but the Bazalopes immediately surrounded the referee insisting that the ball was in. And the replay suggests that they had a case...

The final whistle came with Wentland frankly holding on for grim death. The whistle came as a relief as the tired team collapsed to the turf. The World Cup hopes were still alive, but only just.

But then came the news from Collonie that Nanakaland had been beaten. The position was therefore dead simple.

Wentland was third. Just behind Harlesburg by one lousy, poxy goal.

Ahead of Nedalia and Nanakaland.

If Wentland won their final match, and Harlesburg did not, Wentland was in the World Cup Finals. A draw would not be enough given the fixture lists. Win or bust.

And Wentland's final match was at home.

To Harlesburg.

Rejistania

31-01-2006, 10:11

"So, Teke Daran, can you tell me why your protest against the hosts?"

"Of course! Do you know... Gurg?"

"This is an Abysmali name... a former Liverpool England coach!"

"No that was Sirx. But all Abysmalis hate the NSWC!"

"Why?"

"Because Abysmalistan won matches in it. Commerce Heights and Oliverry for one reason or the other allowed Abysmal referees named Gurg into the NSWC."

"How do you know?"

"The Weegies - Krytenia 3ja0, explain that!"

"I have not seen newspapers from there to know..."

"A referee red-carded half of the Krytenian team. Guess his name!"

"Gurg?"

"Right! Lethislavania - Total n Utter Insanity 2ja1, explain that!"

"I can not!"

"3 penalty kicks for Lethislavania, only an Abysmal referee could give!"

"Another Gurg?"

"Another one of them! Yafor 2 - Turori 1ja1, I have no idea what Gurg did here! Harlesburg - Squornshelous 3ja0, wasn't it nice how Gurg called Squornshelous offside every time a player left its half?"

"That's outrageous!"

"It is the reason, why no Gurg and no Abysmali should ever referee a World Cup match! Elrich - Cockbill Street 1ja1!"

"Cuation - Rejistania 0ja0 as well?"

"I saw that match, Syku, That referee was not Gurg but Syku Sikivic, a Systemkarelan referee. They want to make every match end scoreless but are absolutely harmless..."

"If every match ends scoreless no one qualifies!"

"Well, Systemkarelans want to abolish the World Cup and only have qualifiers from which no one qualifies, but they are less dangerous than Gurg!"

"So what can we do against the Abysmal danger?"

"Wait till the next cup... if it still exists then... And contact the media to explain them the Gurg-danger!"

Cataduanes

31-01-2006, 12:34

Before i start my post may i apologize to group 11 for my lack of posts last week but i was very ill and unable to crawl to any sort of terminal.... anyway back to the footy :)

UNFR NEWSWEEK
ISLANDERS PROUD AND DETERMINED

In front of 58'000 home supporters the Islanders faced the ANATHEMATIC REPUBLICS for matchday 13, a team noted for the there highly negative style of play and this match was no exception, with the Islanders labouring hard until Alonso Corino secured a goal in the 66th minute with a stunning freekick, the victory brings the islanders into 3rd place with a game in hand over Bedistan as do the Archregimancy and Oglethorpia

The Islanders have not only surprised but also entertained at this, their debut in this world cup tournament. After the opening defeat at the hands of Bedistan and the United Islands Empire the team have pulled off a number of remarkable wins with there combination of swift counter attacks and creative passing. On matchday 3 the controversial 3-1 win over Popular Freedom marred by the admittedly atrocious refereeing was followed by the 4-1 victory over Oglethorpia with Guarin snatching a hat trick, and since then all home fixtures at the Estadio Nacional have been the sites of victories for the Islanders with the partnership of Guarin and Macalinao notching up 12 goals between them, and the youngster Toni Souletano has proved a revelation in midfield were he replaced the injured Alomar and has shown himself superior with his hard tackling and sublime passing especially during the 1-0 win over Bedistan at the Estadio Nacional in which he snatched the winning goal late in the match with a stunning 30 yard stike.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Image:Monumental_U.jpg
Picture of the Estadio Nacional during the 1-0 victory over Bedistan

With the last fixture left the islanders face the Archregimancy and if the plucky islanders dream is to continue nothing less than victory will do, Coach Manua has already pointed out that this will be a tough match. However the wonderful debut of the islands in the World Cup tournament is already a success even if eliminated as the standard of football has shown that Cataduanes can compete at this level with plenty of potential for future tournaments.

In separate but related news the outburst of the Minister of religious affairs against the Archregimancy were rebuked by the Orthodox schismatics, however Senor De Angelo was also criticised by the Cataduanes head of state, Commissar Sendoa, who stated that his minister had no right to criticize a foreign power in the name of the nation even if they are not catholic, however the Commissar stopped short of firing the minister whose views are said to have found much support in this intensely Catholic nation.

Tadjikistan

31-01-2006, 13:00

The cherry on the pie
Tadjikistan end qualificationw with a win.

It didnt matter much whether they won or lost, Tadjikistan had already qualified for the World Cup, still, the Tigers wanted to make this a good match for their fans, whom despite Tadjik catastrophy against Rordia and Artoonia, still turned up when they were needed.

'Yes, I would like to thank them for that' Rezvon Sadirov said as he tasted PepsiOrange, an Olliveran soda 'Now that we may be going to Ollivery, I might as well get acquainted with their favourite drinks. But I think I'll bring along my own booze. Anyway, I thank the fans for showing up once more, I hope they'll be around on the World Cup to support us.'

While Rezvon Sadirov spent time thinking what he'd say to the reporters, his team won in and against Milchama with the smallest possible difference, 1-2. But even one goal is enough for victory and the Tadjiks returned home knwing they had done a great job. Daniel Gurchev supported that opinion 'Hey, just look at the Goal Difference, 19! I think thats extremely good. None of the other teams managed to do as good as we did in this group.'

They'll be packing their bags for their trip to the World Cup while Jeruselem, Rordia and Milchama decide who goes along with them. Jeruselem is in a favourable position but still has to win if the Crusaders want to be certain of qualification. Rordia's Goal Difference makes that a Jeruselem draw against McPsychoville wont be enough. Milchama too, can still qualify, but I has to hope Jeruselem and Rordia both fail to win their matches, which is unlikely but not impossible.

Milchama -1
Marc J. Floren '62
Tadjikistan -2
Saradov '54, Salenko '81

Region 15 Pts W D L GF:GA GD
Q1. Tadjikistan 28 9 1 2 32:13 19
2. Jeruselem 21 7 0 4 30:27 3
3. Rordia 19 6 1 4 28:23 5
4. Milchama 18 6 0 5 28:26 2
E5. McPsychoville 10 3 1 7 16:26 -10
E6. Artoonia 10 3 1 7 11:22 -11
E7. Race City 8 2 2 7 13:21 -8

Fixtures:
MD1: Tadjikistan - Race City W 3-0
MD2: Artoonia - Tadjikistan D 1-1
MD3: Tadjikistan - Rordia W 3-1
MD4: Jeruselem - Tadjikistan W 2-5
MD5: McPsychoville - Tadjikistan W 0-4
MD6: Tadjikistan - Milchama W 4-1
MD7: /
MD8: Race City - Tadjikistan L 1-0
MD9: Tadjikistan - Artoonia W 4-1
MD10:Rordia - Tadjikistan L 3-0
MD11:Tadjikistan - Jeruselem W 4-2
MD12:Tadjikistan - McPsychoville W 2-0
MD13:Milchama - Tadjikistan W 1-2
MD14:/

Tadjik goalscorers:
Salenko - 12
Saradov - 6
Zuhurov - 4
Pliiev - 3
Mirdan - 2
Ashurov - 2
Kornilov - 1
Gurchev - 1
Solehbayev - 1

Jeruselem

31-01-2006, 13:20

Jeruselem Government News

It's down to the last game!

Group 15 is down the last game - the World Cup 26 is back with thrills of drama and tears.

Jeruselem, Hockey Canada and Nedalia did not play due to a bye.

Hockey Canada WILL be top team in Group 2. Krytenia do join them despite losing to The Weegies 0-3. Group is settled.

Group 9 is close as hell. Squornshelous have quallified and they lost to Harlesburg 0-3 as well! Nanakaland did Nedalia a favour by losing to Collonie 0-2 and Wentland messed it up too. They drew with Bazalonia 1 ALL. Nedalia are 4th and NEED TO WIN. If Harlesburg or Wentland win, then their World Cup 26 is over.

Group 15 is fun too ...

Tadjikistan had the bye last round. Milchama needed the win but the Tigers did us a favour by beating them 2-1. Milchama's loss pushed them back to 4th and well, they can still do it. THEY MUST WIN. A draw or loss is a waste of time. The Tigers are the best team - we've been saying so for a while.

Rordia jumped to 3rd with a 3-0 over McPsychoville. This is it for Rordia, they can pounce like a Tajik tiger and make the top 2. Impressive team who was not expected to challenge but they have.

Artoonia won a game! The victim was Race City who fell 0-1.

Well, if Jeruselem win - we make it. A draw will do as well but it's no good if Rordia win. The odds are in our favour. Rordia and Milchama need wins - with the hope the other two teams loose. It's down to the last game. As we said earlier, if you miss World Cup 26 Match day 14 - you're a a Dilly Duck in a Sewer.

Jeruselem never make life easy when trying to qualify - we always leave to the 2nd last or last games. A win would do the job - that's the basics.

Group 2
The Weegies 3 Krytenia 0
FSX 2 Spaam 1
Fbrenia 0 Northern Voobaha 2

Group 9
Harlesburg 3 Squornshelous 0
Collonie 2 Nanakaland 0
Wentland 1 Bazalonia 1

Group 15
Milchama 1 Tadjikistan 2
McPsychoville 0 Rordia 3
Race City 0 Artoonia 1

Region 15 Pts W D L GF:GA GD
Q1. Tadjikistan 28 9 1 2 32:13 19
2. Jeruselem 21 7 0 4 30:27 3
3. Rordia 19 6 1 4 28:23 5
4. Milchama 18 6 0 5 28:26 2
E5. McPsychoville 10 3 1 7 16:26 -10
E6. Artoonia 10 3 1 7 11:22 -11
E7. Race City 8 2 2 7 13:21 -8

A summary of the other groups!

Group 1 - Sarzonia make it with a country mile to spare. EL CID THE HERO and County Islands will fight for the next spot.

Group 3 - Total n Utter Insanity dominated. Spruitland and Dehny will fight over the other spot.

Group 4 - Rejistania make it. Schiavonia are 3 points ahead of Kudlastan.

Group 5 - Not one is assured here. 3 points separate Crystilakere, Vilita and Hoolabaloola. Yes, that's Hoolabaloola.

Group 6 - 5 WAY DOG FIGHT - TWO SPOTS. Casari and Yafor 2 are leading and should make it as long as don't lose.

Group 7 - Starblaydia and New Montreal States. The others were not a challenge.

Group 8 - Liverpool England and The Islands of Qutar? The Islands of Qutar?

Group 10 - Audioslavia have made it - easily. 2nd to 6th are a chance but in reality Lovisa looks OK as long as they don't lose. If they do, it's going to be confusing as hell if the others get wins.

Group 11 - Bedistan ROAR into the next round. The Archregimancy, Cataduanes and Oglethorpia will fight for the next spot.

Group 12 - Oaker and One Red Dot.

Group 13 - Cockbill Street and Eauz.

Group 14 - Fmjphoenix with one loss and goal difference of +24. Nedalian buddies Bettia are 2nd but Praying2God and Tanah Burung are still there to fight.

Schiavonia

31-01-2006, 13:57

The Schiavone Scribe
SLEEPY SLOTHS
Pyrologists911 0-0 Schiavonia

The game finished goalless, just like most of Schiavonia's games at the Baptism of Fire.

And just like those games, the fans got a good sleep. As did us reporters.

Sorry.

Team
Schiavonia: Kershaw; O'Kane, Park, Marsden, Smith; Sanderson, Jones, Weir; Topp, McAndrew, Tarmey.

Final score
Cuation 0
Schiavonia 0

Group 4 Pl W D L F A Pts GD
1. Rejistania 12 7 4 1 13 4 25 +9
2. Schiavonia 11 6 4 1 22 15 22 +7
3. Kudlastan 11 6 1 4 10 8 19 +2
4. Cuation 11 4 4 3 14 9 16 +5
5. Pyrologists911 11 2 4 5 11 14 10 -3
6. Kaze Progressa 11 2 3 6 12 19 9 -7
7. Alexandrian Ptolemais 11 0 4 7 8 21 4 -13

ONE BIG GAME

As you can see from the table above, all the teams except the already qualified Rejistania have one game to play. Schiavonia lie second, three points and +5 in goal difference ahead of Kudlastan, with everyone else out of the running.

What does the final game of qualifying happen to be? Schiavonia versus Kudlastan at the King Francesco Stadium.

So, it all comes down to the final game. The Sloths against the Kudlas. As we don't know the Kudlas' team (because Kudlastan's National Association did not submit a player sheet to the hosts), there's not much we can do apart from review the Sloths team and tell you what results give which outcomes.

Both sides weren't really expected to be in the positions that they are now. If anything, this was expected to be the game for fourth in the group, but the complete failure of the Kaze Progressa team and a disappointing run from Cuation leaves these two to battle it out for the position of "best of a bad bunch".

Who'll go through. Well, unless Kudlastan win by three or more, it'll be the Sloths! And if the sloths win by three or more, then they'll top the group ahead of the mighty Rejistania!

What'll happen? Well, we don't know, but we predict that Schiavonia will attack a lot and Kudlastan will defend a lot. That's just how the teams play.

The result? Most likely not three goals between the sides, which would see the sloths finish second, and parties started all across the forty-six islands of Schiavonia!

Bedistan

31-01-2006, 14:56

BSTV Sports Today
with Carson Müller and Mike Green III

Carson: "Hey hey, it's eight-thirty in the morning, so that means it must be time for this morning's edition of BSTV Sports Today. I'm Carson Müller and this weird guy on my left is Mike Green III."

Mike: "Our top story this morning is once again World Cup qualifying. As I'm sure you all know, we had a match yesterday against the Archregimancy, and incredibly it ended three-nil in our favor with an impressive Billy English hattrick."

Carson: "Yes, I'd say incredible is the right word, because the scoreline does not reflect the game at all; the monks were right there with us the whole way through."

Mike: "What are you talking about? The Archregimancy media outlets themselves have admitted that they were thoroughly outclassed in the match."

Carson: "Well, they were outclassed...but I'd say by the referees more than by us. Look at this clip here...eleventh minute, Fr. Basil the Faster speeds his way into the box, and James Malone makes a very questionable tackle that sends Fr. Basil sprawling onto the ground - yet the referee has the audacity to give Fr. Basil a yellow card for diving! That should've been a penalty and Malone should've gotten the yellow."

Mike: "All right, I'll give you that one..."

Carson: "And then in the 38th minute, Fr. Constantine has only the keeper to beat and he manages to get called offside even though he's barely over the midfield line! It's not his fault that the Lions have made a questionable decision to throw all ten players at the Archregimancy goal here. That could've easily put the Archregimancy 2-1 up, assuming they'd scored on the PK they should've had earlier."

Mike: "Um...well..."

Carson: "And finally we look at Billy English's third and final goal of the match. While I'll admit this pass from Westinghouse up to him is absolutely beautiful, it doesn't change the fact that English was offside by at least six yards. Did the referee have some sort of emergency that forced him to retire to the restroom in the middle of the match, or is he just completely stupid?"

Mike: "Now Carson, that's really quite harsh..."

Carson: "In conclusion, the Archregimancy have every right to feel hard done after that match - what really should've been a 2-2 draw ended up becoming a heavy 3-0 loss for them. Now, going into the group's final matchday, second place remains a free-for-all between them, Cataduanes, and Oglethorpia."

Mike: "Well, fortunately, none of them have to rely on us, as the Archregimancy match was our last in these qualifiers. Onward to Commerce Heights and Oliverry!"

Carson: "Coming up: continuing coverage on the void in southern Atlantian Oceania sports left by the death of Cockbill Street as a nation. We'll be right back."

Telecast and transcript © 2089 Bedistan Sports Television. All rights reserved.

Nedalia

31-01-2006, 15:42

The Nedalia Lions

What the *&%! is Going On?

Five teams, one point of seperation between 4 of them, and one goal all are trying to accomplish. Wentland, Harlesburg, Nanakaland, Collonie, and our beloved Lions. They all stand in each others way, and no one is willing to budge. The Group 9 matchups that will take place are surely to have football fanatics all over the universe drooling at the prospect. On paper, it looks more like a dramatic sports movie than a qualifying group to the most prestigious tournament to ever been recorded in history. Lets have a look at some of the matchups.

Wentland vs. Harlesburg

Technically speaking, these two teams are the favorites to qualify to the World Cup, unseating Nanakaland for that position. They both have 17 points, with Harlesburg having the oh-so-slight advantage of goal difference (Wentland are at -1, conceding 19 and scoring 18...Harlesburg are at 0, conceding 15 and scoring 15). A victory by either team would spell the end of end for all the others, as everyone else has 16 points and under.

The last match between the two squads, which took place in Harlesburg, ended up with a much controversial 3-1 victory for the away team. Despite the scoreline, the table suggests that the two teams are just about equal in every sense. The Nedalian press, when thinking with their heads, have given Wentland the slight advantage because they matched so well against their opponents in the previous bout...but when it comes to their hearts, they obviously would like nothing more than a 0-0 draw.

Nanakaland vs. Bazalonia

On paper, this should be an easy victory for Nanakaland, but the way they have been playing recently, it might not be suprised for the home team (and also the only team mathematically eliminated) to pull off the upside that 4 other nations are hoping for. Nanakaland started the qualifers in high flying fashion, even briefly serving a stint at the number one position of Group 9. Since then, however, they have come close to free-falling, and despite managing to somehow keep themselves from being eliminated (a la Bazalonia), the shock is that they have not already qualified.

As for the Bazalonians, not much can be said that hasnt been said by their press already; not an utter disappointment, but more like unlucky. They were drawn into an extremely tough group, managing to only record one victory in 11 games. You can guess who is hoping they can pull off a second, or atleast a draw come Matchday 14. The last match that took place between these two happened in Nanakaland, ending in another controversial 4-0 victory for the home side.

Nedalia vs. Collonie

A home match for the Lions ended in a 1-0 victory for their opponents. This time around, the Lions will travel to Collonie in hopes of avenging themselves and, in the process, giving them a shouting chance for qualification. Out of all the teams, it is perhaps these two sides that have the most difficult path to qualification.

The Lions have stepped their game up the past few matches after a rough start, but they still find themselves in a tough position to be in with one game to go. They scored only 15 goals, but most suprising of all, have only conceded 15 goals. The new management have done their job when it comes to shoring up the defense of the Lions, but it seems they have lost their scoring touch. Superstar Tim James has struggled mightily, as well the rest of the strikeforce, and it has been the midfield, Nene especially, that has done the job of finding the net for the Lions.

Now the Lions, with a goal difference of 0, and with 16 points, need Wentland and Harlesburg to draw. On top of that, they need Bazalonia to either hold Nanakaland to a draw or win. And ofcourse, the toughest job of all, to defeat Collonie away from home. If one of that long list of things goes wrong, the Lions can kiss their World Cup hopes goodbye. Despite driving Nedalia crazy with their inconsistency, the Lions can count on the strongest home support they have ever seen in an away stadium, including the home away from home, Akani Sands.

Cuation

31-01-2006, 15:45

Cuation Draw Not Enough

On another day, a draw against the second best team in the world would be something to party over but not today. Unable to break past the walls of players, Cuation's draw meant that the team are now out with a game left.

Corner as everyone, even Gary Jens, comes forward. Ashton drives it in...Full Time! The ref has blown his whistle and the team sink to the ground, in tears. A decent group turned easy and we still failed to qualify! Jude buries his head in his hands as the team must go for the little Cup of Harmony!"

Our last match could see us get third place and put us in a better chance in the Cup of Harmony but till then, the players will feel that they let themselves down when thier form collapsed.

Starblaydia

31-01-2006, 15:46

Starblaydia Pick Up 30 Points From 36
Azanulbizarn Undefeated as Champions Qualify with ease

So far only one other nation has managed to remain undefeated so far in Qualifying. It's not Sarzonia, or Rejistania, or even Total n Utter Insanity. Its... The Islands of Qutar, most-recent Baptism of Fire winners, who have managed five wins and six draws in their eleven matches so far, managing to be almost as good as Liverpool England.

So, not such illustrious company for the World Cup 25 Champions, but still a nice acheivement nonetheless. Starblaydia clinched their undefeated record - their third such record to go with World Cup 22's 9-1-0 and World Cup 24's 10-4-0 - with a 3-1 victory in The Lowland Clans. Pundits had been expecting that this match would see the first two places in the Group decided, but thanks to New Montreal States' performances, this was merely a test to see if Starblaydia could spent their Bye Matchday in peace and quiet, four points ahead of the Montreal States.

As it was, Jaime Oberlander, Paul Noble and Leopoldo Lopez scored the goals that set Starblaydia up as undefeated through World Cup Qualifying, giving them 30 points for this campaign, having dropped just six in twelve games. Oberlander's came from a well-taken corner from Menecrates as he nipped in at the near post to sneak a header into the net. Noble, a half-time substitute for an injured Cherry Garcia, blasted in the second from the edge of the penalty area while it was left to Leopoldo Lopez to finish off a sweeping move that cut through the entire Allied States' team, leaving him to tap in at the far post.

Majeristan

31-01-2006, 16:37

Nothing left but pride

Majeristan were left hoping for a Hyppos side dispirited by their performance against the Falcons to pull off a monumental upset of second placed One Red Dot and give the World Cup debutant side a slim chance to slip in and qualify for the World Cup XXVI finals. Alas, it wasn't meant to be.

The Falcons played a 0-0 draw ahead of their expected 0-0 against System Karela and find themselves with one match left to play for pride and to complete the 12 match schedule. Even so, Hatime I. Ra~e's charges can look back on their first attempt to qualify with pride. They gave the highest-ranked team in the group fits in a 1-0 loss at National Stadium, took two points from group winners Oaker, and took four of a possible six points from Hypocria.

"We're disappointed we're not going to the World Cup," Ra~e said. "We know it's a long, hard road for a first time team to get there, but we had our chances to advance and we couldn't take advantage of them. That's the story of this World Cup for us."

The Falcons (3-6-2) have a chance to finish with a winning record and a positive goal differential, which they will do if they win or draw against System Karela. Ra~e said his team would still "fight for the three points" against System Karela. According to midfielder Joe Taylor, the team would employ tactics that worked against defending World Cup finalists Rejistania.

"We'll fight karela with karela," he said. "Attack means defeat according to them, so we'll force them to attack. Maybe we'll be lucky and get a counter against them."

The Falcons announced they would hold a rally in the National Stadium parking lot after the match. In other countries, a rally after the team failed to advance to the World Cup finals might be more akin to a wake. For a Falcons team that wasn't expected to go anywhere and were within striking distance of a World Cup bid until the bitter end, it will be cause for celebration.

Besides, "we're not dirtying the soles of our boots by going to Commerce Heights with those slani referees and their bribes," Taylor said.

Andossa Se Mitrin Vega

31-01-2006, 16:38

Draw Eliminates Sea Dragons

This is Kellan Kildan of the ASMV Football News Network

The unlikely late run from ASMV ended today as a much inspired Very Angry Rabbits squad held on for dear life and stole the point we desperately needed to continue. The final score - ASMV 0 - VAR 0.

Now the best the Sea Dragons can dream of is a third place finish in Group 3. For that to happen, Denhy must lose their match and ASMV has to beat Errinundrea. The combined point differential must be greater than 3 points. All we can do is take care of our business and hope for the best.

Congrats to TnUI on putting this group away very early, and good luck to both Spruitland and Denhy as they fight it out for the second qualifying spot

Hope now is that the squad will be able to play in the upcoming CoH, ut that is far from being a sure thing.

Rordia

31-01-2006, 17:10

DOWN TO THE WIRE!

It's the final round of World Cup 26 qualifying, and Rordia can still get to the finals!

After beating McPsychoville 3-0, thanks to a hat-trick from the ever-so-prolific Tim Brick, Rordia are fighting with Jeruselem for 2nd place in Group 15. However, they need a win against Artoonia to have a chance. Jeruselem face McPsychoville, so things aren't looking that good for the Rordian Tigers...

Manager Neil van der Wal said: "Final round, and still in contention! Not bad for a team that finished dead last in the previous World Cup! But what happened in WC 25 is history. We will now focus on beating Artoonia, and we will be praying that Jeruselem don't win.
"If we do succeed in our quest to qualify, it will mean the world to Rordia's fans. They have seen their team's reputation skyrocket, and if the Tigers (Rordia, not Tadjikistan) end up in the last 32, whoa, it'll be impossible to describe."

Captain John Greenston said: "We've made our country really proud by getting this far. But now we must put in 1000%, and reach our goal. Our fate is out of our hands, but we will succeed. I know we will."

Bad news for Rordia. Ciaran Mirren and Nat Peters have both failed to recover from their cruciate ligament injuries in time for the match. Tim Brick had a groin strain in training earlier this week, but it looks like he'll be okay.

Here are the possible scenarios:
Rordia win, Jeruselem win: Jeruselem through
Rordia win, Jeruselem draw: Rordia through on goal difference
Rordia win, Jeruselem lose: Rordia through
Rordia don't win: Jeruselem through, whatever happens

Rordia's footballers know what to do. So, as the Rordian national motto goes...
SIAMO UNITI!

Casari

31-01-2006, 19:07

http://i16.photobucket.com/albums/b20/Casari/4sport.png

Once again, final matchday drama wins out over decent performances
Ulcer medication perscriptions up 1200%

This wasn't how it was supposed to go. We wanted to have it all locked up with a game to go. Then again, it's quite a sad day when things go the way the Casarans want, eh?

So now we're one of five teams with a chance of qualifying. While Casari visits Hiiraan, Yafor 2 has a match against Rolatia and the Kazoos are off playing Swilatia.

So what really needs to happen here?

Casari Loss
Hiiraan will tie us on points, but be behind us on GD. Unless they beat us by 5 or more.
A Yafor tie will tie us on points, but if we lose by 2 or more, they will pass us on Head to Head results or goal difference. A Yafor win puts them ahead of us.
A Swilatia win over Kazoos will cause them to pass us as well.
2 of these three need to happen for us to not qualify.
Casari Tie
Yafor needs to win to pass us on points.
Swilatia needs to win to match our point total, and then by 4 or more to pass us.
Both of these need to happen in order for us to Not Qualify.
Casari Win
Win and we're in. Deceptively simple this time around. Then again, Hiiraan's managed to pull some upset wins this time around, so who on earth knows what could happen?

We definately don't, that's for sure.

Kaze Progressa

31-01-2006, 19:09

A referendum has been called on whether Kaze Progressa should maintain its title of 'The Sports-Mad Community' after their embarrassing World Cup qualification failure.

Opinion polls suggest over 70% are in favour of reverting to the country's former title 'The Community of Kaze Progressa'.

Sporting attendances are down dramatically in most sports, though rugby is remaining popular after the national team's run to the World Cup semi-finals. Incredibly, just 40,695 attended the 60,000-seater Daurama Dome for Daurama City's KPFA League match against Pageas, but the same venue was filled to capacity two days later for two special tapings of game show Deal or No Deal, which is normally filmed in a TV studio in front of an audience of 950 people.

'Sport is dead, long live the game show!' declared Deal or No Deal host Norje Naderil at the start of the first episode, to rapturous applause. The two shows will be shown tomorrow on Progressa Tele 1, shunting the World Cup qualifer at Alexandrian Ptolemais onto Progressa TeleSport 1. It is the first time in history that a competitive Progressan international has not been on the flagship Tele 1 channel.

Wentland

31-01-2006, 20:03

[txn]225.33 Wentland News broadcast excerpt

...and excitement levels here in Warpstone have reached fever pitch as people from all over the Went are arriving in the hope of gettin in for the most important match Wentland have ever played...the home qualifier with Harlesburg. It is simple for Wentland. Win and they are through. Draw or lose and they are out.

The streets are a mass of blue and white...we have seen people arriving in all sorts of vehicles; cars, lorries, vans, stretch limousines...even a hearse and now I can see a horse and cart...

One die-hard fan is Melinda Race, who has queued up for a day-and-a-half in freezing temperatures to be first in the queue to buy a ticket. By the time the ticket office opened for business at 6am police estimated the queue to be around 15,000 strong...the overwhelming demand will fuel the project for an extension or even a brand new National Stadium.

Regardless of the result, one set of people will be going home happy tonight; the scalpers. Tickets with a face value of 50 guineas are going for twenty times that amount...and webay has gone down under the enormous pressure of sales.

Rolatia

31-01-2006, 21:16

(OOC: My stuff is going to be in a slightly jumbled order. But I may as well get out the pre-game results. This will be probably followed if i get that far by the Casari match report, the TKP report, the response to the Hiraanese comments after we drew with them and I don't know what else. Hey, I'm out but I owe it to my hard-working groupmates to get out at least one more RP post)

The Rolatian Telegraph
Rolatia ready to try and beat the odds
The Rolatian football team are preparing tonight for the final game of a World Cup that for most of it brought much turmoil to the team, but has now picked up and lead them to two of their most excellent games that will be played for years. The team will be facing off against second-placed Yafor 2 and will be shooting for 5th place in the group.

The odds aren't particularly favourable overall to Rolatia. A chronically unlucky team and a bad early record has dented the team, who were ranked sixth out of the seven teams in their group. They had an abysmal early record and it took until game 12 to win and game 13 to get off the bottom of the group. However, the team had two superb games - the win at Casari away, which wil l stick in the minds of Rolatians for at least the next five years, and the home win to the Kazoo People, who were unlucky to go down to Rolatia.

The odds are stacked against Rolatia - Yafor 2 are a leading contendor for a qualfying spot, even in a group where any of five teams could qualify. However, the Rolatian team are optimistic. One Rolatian official said "We're really hoping for a win tomorrow. It'll be tough - Yafor 2's nearly unbeaten - but our hopes are high". Bookmakers are giving 15-1 odds on 5th, 50-1 on 4th and 300-1 on 3rd overall for Rolatia.

Rejistania

31-01-2006, 21:49

Give us hope, Karela!

The va'karela'ny seemed to be humming in their normal way in this match and the Defenders or rather: the Orange-Blues, who played as if they were the Defenders from System Karela. The match against Cuation showed the System Karela, which other nations like to ridicule or fear depending on whether a draw suffices or not. For Cuation, a draw did not suffice, and the Orange-Blues needed to win as well to gain a margin against Schiavonia. No one was really happy after the return of Karela on the the pitch, but no one except "maniac" was honest about it since the monks are still very influential. Teke Daran, the president of the Asene Sekhika Rejistaniha said: "This match, we saw that the Sistenha Karela is not dead. However much certain persons want it to be!" The Rejistanian national coach Seletarakeledira Hanselijimijile said something more quotable to reporters of the Update: "This Systemkarelan referee made sure that attack means defeat! He told us before he was hoping for a defensive match and so we decided for a 7-2-1 in order not to get red cards for nothing at all. As Ila Iles said: 'I do not comment on referees especially if they are bad slani!'"

Wentland

31-01-2006, 21:56

Every television station in Wentland was looking for new angles for the crucial World Cup match. Local channel Warpal had commissioned an interview with famous scientist Dr Spink who claimed that he could program his CRAWFISH-1X supercomputer (Intel Inside) to predict who would get that crucial second spot.

"I have entered in all the variables," Dr Spink stated. "I have factored in the fact that Harlesburg, after a nondescript first half of qualifying, have improved immeasurably in the second. I have included the youth of our team, the nervousness of the Nedalian team, the naivete of the Collonie team. I have factored in the near breakdown of the Nanakaland team and the personalities of the referees involved. All the little injuries, niggles, everything has been factored in.

"All I need do now is press the button...like so...now, the Crawfish is calculating all possible permutations. It will generate a quantum field in which all possibilities will be transmitted, leading to a sum over infinitives that will give various probabilities as to the outcomes of the matches...I simply await the printout and we select the likeliest winner.

"And here is the printout now...I consider over three trillion calculations have been carried out...and the team that will come second is...LOVE???? All right, who's been screwing with this thing?"

Ariddia

31-01-2006, 23:35

No relief yet for Ariddia

The Rouge-et-Noirs seemed to perform the ulek with an unusual intensity in front of a mostly adverse crowd as they faced the team from Havl on the latter’s home ground. Havl, though trailing near the bottom of the group, had thus far put up a remarkable performance in the competition, and this promised from the start to be a difficult match – but one Ariddia could nonetheless hope to win.

It started well enough, with Ariddia dominating ball control over the first half hour of the game, culminating with an opening goal by Ta I in the thirty-sixth minute. It was to be the only goal in the first half, but Ariddian keeper Leduc had faced relatively little challenge, and coped well with what threats had come her way.

The second half began with Clément scoring in the fifty-fourth minute, making it a 2-0 lead, and gradually easing his team into the comfort zone. Twenty minutes later, that lead had evaporated into a stalemate, and the Ariddians were facing the uncomfortable prospect of walking away from the match with only a draw point. Attacker Ul U and midfielder Wol Eosh were both brought in to provide a fresh impetus, and Ariddia finally regained the lead in the eighty-first minute, with Ta I scoring her second goal of the game, her fourth ever in the red and black kit

The final minutes were tense and well balanced, the Ariddians still seeming to dominate both attack and ball possession, but visibly beginning to tire. As it was, three goals did not suffice, as Havl succeeded in equalising, depriving Ariddia of what would have been a precious victory.

“We’re now still third, and two points behind Lovisa,” Seul summed up. “If we’re going to qualify, not only *must* we defeat Legalese on their home soil, which is not going to be easy, but we’ll have to hope Lovisa somehow slips up. The odds are against us, but we’re not out yet, definitely not. We *must* win our last match, and I think we can do it.”

To make matters worse, three other teams are still in contention, all just one small point behind Ariddia.

“What can I say? Look on the bright side,” was Clément’s cheery advice. “Four years ago, nobody would ever have dreamt we’d be third of our group, and in with a very real chance of qualifying.”

Wentland

01-02-2006, 00:03

The atmosphere inside the Warplands was intensifying...and was nothing compared to the atmosphere outside. Unbelievably around 40,000 fans were outside the ground, listening in to what was happening inside, and adding to the chanting. WBC had the bright idea to ship some of the big screens from the nearby Warp Festival (due to start the next day) and showed the match to the assembled throng. At times, you could have sworn that the noise outside the ground was louder than that inside...

The Islands of Qutar

01-02-2006, 00:50

Good Evening Qutar,... Well we would have a good evening of football for you but instead thanks to some.. well I can't say what they on air, but they've decided that QSNN has a monopoly on all the football games, and because we moved from free-to-air, we are now the ultimate evil. Well since the court case has been going on, we haven't been able to broadcast the previous three matches and this includes this match as the court case continues to drag on. Well here were the results of the past matches anyway.

Throws down headset in disgust and walks off

The Islands of Qutar 1 (1)-(0) 1 Liverpool England
Ali, 42 Sunderland, 87

The Islands of Qutar 1 (0)-(0) 0 Firania
Siese, 62

Language Teachers 1 (1)-(0) 1 The Islands of Qutar
Number 9, 20 Ali, 78

Well as you must have read in the papers..... and not seen here... We have qualified for the World Cup, and the icing on the cake would be to either win or draw against East Lithuania tonight, well hopefully we'll be able to broadcast that live, but despite all the fuss over who shows it, Qutar is in the World Cup!

Tanah Burung

01-02-2006, 01:11

Death watch extended

Mau Slurp's House of Gambling was reported in "serious financial troubles" as it had to pay out yet again: going into the final qualifying match, the veiled footballers from Tanah Burung were still not mathematically eliminated. With a 3-2 win over The Ardenne (two goals were classed as "well-meaning" and one as "slightly unorthodox" by exorcists in attendance) they kept their hopes alive.

The sudden losses by the gambling maven to no-hope bets placed by the poverty-stricken residents of the nation's larger cities are already being called "the largest redistribution of wealth in Burungi history" by researchers at Lovefest University.

Mau Slurp's House of Gambling, however, expects to make their money back next week. Odds of 10-1 against Tanah Burung qualifying should attract plenty of flutters, but the chances of qualification remain slim. Tanah Burung would have to beat Praying2God, and hope for a loss by Bettia.

"Chances are slim to none. I bettia this is the end of the road for Tanah Burung," said Mau Slurp, before retreating into his office as he was pelted with rotting vegetation (some of it sentient. Argh! Urk!) thrown by members of the Anti-Punnery Coalition.

Memorare Santa Judi
By Little Altarboy Franky
Age 7

Remember, Holy St. Judy
That never when we have trusted to your intervention
Have you allowed us to come to any harm.
Blessed St. Judy, we ask your intercession once more in this match
Against Praying2God.
Because at any rate
We sure pray more than they do.
Rend them limb from limb
Let their eyes evaporate and their feet develop foul-smelling pustules
In His name's sake,
So that their shots go wide
And they can't see ours
Because their eye sockets are gaping and empty
But only temporarily
Because anything more would be cruel
And we wouldn't want that
Oh no, we're just praying
To God
Against Praying
2God.
PS Oh by the way, as you're so pretty and all-powerful, St. Judy, could you maybe make Bettia lose as well, thanks awfully, promise to build a cathedral in your honour, kisses to the big guy, love, Franky.

The Gupta Dynasty

01-02-2006, 01:41

The followis in an excerpt from the Sporting Daily News.

And the odds are...

Do not expect anything. That is the motto which many countries are going by this week as the World Cup qualifying wraps up to a close. Yafor 2, in Region 6, is one of five teams all with a chance for a qualifying spot. It will be a tough road for the Golden Wolves as they look forward and past, beyond what is before their eyes. But, in other groups, the situation is not the same.

Region 6 Pts W D L GF:GA GD
1. Casari 17 4 5 2 16:11 5
2. Yafor 2 16 3 7 1 13:10 3
3. Swilatia 15 3 6 2 16:15 1
4. Hiiraan 14 4 2 5 20:24 -4
5. The Kazoo Peoples 13 2 7 2 15:12 3
E6. Rolatia 12 2 6 3 11:16 -5
E7. Turori 10 1 7 4 18:21 -3

The greatest surprise in the region was also the greatest surprise in the cup, mainly, that Turori, the number 8 team in the world, are last in the group, languishing in a position unfavorable to a team of their skill. While, in nearly any other group, with their current record, Turori would still be battling it out, in Region 6, one of two regions where all teams have over ten points, they are at the bottom of the pile.

Rolatia, who had a miserable Baptism of Fire campaign, looked weak at times, but a surprise win over group leaders Casari look nice on their scorecard. The Kazoo Peoples have performed admirably, but, with seven ties, advancing may be out of sight, despite amazing work for them. Hiiraan looked excellent, especially for a team with their ranking, but Swilatia, despite their record, are not as good as every say they are. And Casari? And Casari, the group leaders, and one of the better teams in the group.

Who will win? It is not clear. But what is, is that the best team will win.

The Kazoo Peoples

01-02-2006, 02:32

It was a pitiful day for the Kazoo Peoples, as they dropped a game they really should have won 2-1...

"We really could have done better. I wish our goalkeeping held up. But it's not Jim Johnson's fault -- he did a really good job. Overall, we did significantly worse than previous matches. I personally think the Rolatia crowd was a major factor in their win -- of the 84,000-seat stadium, we had only 5,000 seats available to us, and Rolatia's sell-out crowd outroared our tiny fan section. It was tough hearing anything, including the referree's whistle. Kudos to the Rolatia side, they really did a good job subduing us," said Manni Aka after the game. "Now, please, these guys have had a tough loss, no media in the locker room. Thanks."

So how did such a loss occur?

First, two Rolatia goals in rapid succession in the first half (17', 21') clearly put the momentum in their favor, and the Kazoos were down 2-0 at the half, fans clearly shocked.

"Is that a mistake? 2-0 at the half? How can we down this much against a lower-placed team?" wondered one Kazoo fan aloud.

A second-half rally by the Kazoos was too little, too late, as they scored just one at the last second (89'). The goal was a Chadd Johnson breakaway, after his brother cleared the ball from the Rolatian goal, and got it waaay downfield. It was 2-on-1 against Johnson, but a spin move and some fancy footwork eluded defenders, as he scored on the goalkeeper, who dove right, instead of left to block the goal. 2-1 was the final score as the ref blew his whistle to end the game.

---
Qualification hopes slim

"The Kazoos can qualify in only two ways, out of twenty-seven possible combinations," said Donald McRonald, deep in conversation about qualification scenarios with a potted plant. Despite him being crazy, Donald is a superb statistician.

"We can qualify ONLY if Yafor 2 loses against a tough Rolatia team who just beat us. And even then, we have to win against an Übertough Swilatia team. And even after all that luck, Casari has to win or draw, which really isn't too hard, but for all that to happen is quite unlikely. And, we'd only win on tiebreak, having superior goal difference. But that is likely to happen, because we currently have a greater goal difference than Yafor 2, which would be who we would tie with if the scenario occurs."

"Who do you think will qualify?" said our reporter, interrupting the intense debate between him and the potted plant.

"I'm TRYING to have a CONVERSATION here," shouted Donald, "but, I'll answer your question. Casari without a doubt, and Yafor 2, as Swilatia will manage only a draw at most from the Kazoos, and Hiiraan isn't powerful enough to overtake Casari. Yafor 2 may only scrounge a draw over Rolatia, but that'll be enough."

Region 6 Pts W D L GF:GA GD
1. Casari 17 4 5 2 16:11 5
2. Yafor 2 16 3 7 1 13:10 3
3. Swilatia 15 3 6 2 16:15 1
4. Hiiraan 14 4 2 5 20:24 -4
5. The Kazoo Peoples 13 2 7 2 15:12 3
E6. Rolatia 12 2 6 3 11:16 -5
E7. Turori 10 1 7 4 18:21 -3

SCHEDULE, THROUGH MD12:
Matchday 1:

HOME AWAY
Turori 4:0 Rolatia
Casari 1:0 The Kazoo Peoples
Yafor 2 2:1 Swilatia

Hiiraan does not play

Matchday 2:

HOME AWAY
The Kazoo Peoples 1:1 Turori
Swilatia 1:1 Casari
Hiiraan 1:0 Rolatia

Yafor 2 does not play

Matchday 3:

HOME AWAY
Turori 3:3 Swilatia
Casari 1:1 Yafor 2
The Kazoo Peoples 3:1 Hiiraan

Rolatia does not play

Matchday 4:

HOME AWAY
Casari 1:1 Turori
Hiiraan 3:2 Yafor 2
Rolatia 0:0 Swilatia

The Kazoo Peoples does not play

Matchday 5:

HOME AWAY
Hiiraan 5:2 Turori
Rolatia 0:2 Casari
The Kazoo Peoples 1:1 Yafor 2

Swilatia does not play

Matchday 6:

HOME AWAY
Turori 0:0 Yafor 2
Swilatia 4:1 Hiiraan
The Kazoo Peoples 2:2 Rolatia

Casari does not play

Matchday 7:

HOME AWAY
Casari 5:3 Hiiraan
Yafor 2 1:1 Rolatia
Swilatia 0:3 The Kazoo Peoples

Turori does not play

Matchday 8:

AWAY HOME
Turori 1:1 Rolatia
Casari 0:0 The Kazoo Peoples
Yafor 2 0:0 Swilatia

Hiiraan does not play

Matchday 9:

AWAY HOME
The Kazoo Peoples 2:2 Turori
Swilatia 1:1 Casari
Hiiraan 1:1 Rolatia

Yafor 2 does not play

Matchday 10:

AWAY HOME
Turori 1:2 Swilatia
Casari 0:1 Yafor 2
The Kazoo Peoples 1:1 Hiiraan

Rolatia does not play

Matchday 11:

AWAY HOME
Casari 1:3 Turori
Hiiraan 3:1 Yafor 2
Rolatia 2:2 Swilatia

The Kazoo Peoples do not play a World Cup 26 game today,
but they have a friendly:
Schiavonia 2:0 Kazoo Peoples, at Kazoo City Kola Stadium

Matchday 12:

AWAY HOME
Hiiraan 1:2 Turori
Rolatia 1:2 Casari
The Kazoo Peoples 1:1 Yafor 2

Swilatia does not play

Matchday 13:

AWAY HOME
Turori 1:1 Yafor 2
Swilatia 2:1 Hiiraan
The Kazoo Peoples 1:2 Rolatia

Casari does not play

Matchday 14:

AWAY HOME
Casari v Hiiraan
Yafor 2 v Rolatia
Swilatia v The Kazoo Peoples

Turori does not play

Kazoos progress in WC26:

MD1: loss to Casari 1-0, away
MD2: draw with Turori 1-1, home
MD3: win over Hiiraan 3-1, home
MD4: OFF
MD5: draw with Yafor 2 1-1, home
MD6: draw with Rolatia 2-2, home
MD7: win over Swilatia 3-0, away
---
MD8: draw with Casari 0-0, home
MD9: draw with Turori 2-2, away
MD10: draw with Hiiraan 1-1, away
MD11: Friendly: loss to Schiavonia 2-0, home
MD12: draw with Yafor 2 1-1, away
MD13: loss to Rolatia 2-1, away
MD14: Swilatia, home

The Kazoo Peoples

01-02-2006, 03:21

Local crazy person Donald McRonald gave us this flyer while walking down the sidewalk of Kazoo City:

"Qualification Possibilities for World Cup 26

Group 1
Qualified: Sarzonia
Still in it: EL CID THE HERO; County Islands

EL CID THE HERO can qualify with a win. EL CID THE HERO can also qualify with a draw or loss and a County Islands draw or loss.
County Islands must win and have EL CID THE HERO draw or lose.

Group 2
Qualified: Hockey Canada, Krytenia
Still in it: No one.

Group 3
Qualified: Total n Utter Insanity
Still in it: Dehny; Spruitland
Dehny must win and have Spruitland lose. All other scenarios have Spruitland advancing.

Group 4
Qualified: Rejistania
Still in it: Schiavonia; Kudlastan
Barring a 4-goal win by Kudlastan, Schiavonia should advance.

Group 5
Qualified: Crystilakere
Still in it: Vilita; Hoolabaloola
Whoever wins the Vilita-Hoolabaloola match advances.

Group 6
Qualified:
Still in it: Casari; Yafor 2; Swilatia; Hiiraan; The Kazoo Peoples
Too much of mess to identify qualifying scenarios (there are 27 scenarios!)

Group 7
Qualified: Starblaydia, New Montreal States
Still in it: No one.

Group 8
Qualified: Liverpool England, The Islands of Qutar
Still in it: No one.

Group 9
Qualified: Squornshelous
Still in it: Harlesburg; Wentland; Nanakaland; Nedalia; Collonie
Even more of a mess than Group 6: 27 scenarios, but only one spot to qualify for.

Group 10
Qualified: Audioslavia
Still in it: Lovisa; Ariddia; Legalese; Tonissia; Havl
Another mess, similar to Groups 6 and 9: 27 scenarios.

Group 11
Qualified: Bedistan
Still in it: The Archregimancy; Cataduanes
Oglethorpia cannot qualify: the Cataduanes-The Archregimancy game guarantees at least one point to either team, possibility of 3 points. Qualification is then out of question foor Oglethorpia, regardless of what happens.
A win for either team gains them qualification. A draw earns Archregimancy qualification.

Group 12
Qualified: Oaker, One Red Dot
Still in it: No one.

Group 13
Qualified: Cockbill Street, Eauz
Still in it: No one.

Group 14
Qualified: Fmjphoenix
Still in it: Bettia; Praying2God; Tanah Burung
A Bettia win qualifies them. A Praying2God win and a Bettia draw or loss qualifies Praying2God. A Tanah Burung win and a Bettia loss, with a combined goal difference between the two matches totaling 3 or more is the only thing which can qualify Tanah Burung. A Praying2God draw and a Bettia loss qualifies Praying2God.

Group 15
Qualified: Tadjikistan
Still in it: Jeruselem; Rordia; Milchama
Jeruselem qualifies with win or a Rordia draw or loss and a Milchama draw or loss. Rordia qualifies with a win and a Jeruselem draw. Milchama can only qualify with a win, a Jeruselem loss and a Rordia draw or loss."

Um.... okay Donald, you have waaay too much time on your hands.

[NS]Bazalonia

01-02-2006, 04:10

"Welcome to the BazSports live coverage of the last match of the World Cup Qualifing round for Bazalonia. Today the Bazalopes are home facing the Nankabirds, which in a wierd game on matchday 7, the Bazalopes scored three own goals. The details of the reasoning have been sketchy but it seems work in the change rooms have gone underway since.. something to do with the air-vents."

"Yes, but now that was long ago, can the Bazalopes win Nankabirds.. make themn chirp up the wrong tree?"

"Woo.. that's the worst joke I've heard.. anyway let's move on... The teams are coming out for the national anthems and I have been assured by stadium officials that the CD with the National Anthems of both Bazalonia and Nankaland is in the stadiums sound room."

"The only question can the Bazalopes put in as good a performance against the Nankabirds as they did with the Wentlands?"

"Well let's see after the national anthems..."

*national anthems are played and the whistle goes off and 2o minutes later*

"Well, the Bazalopes are still fired up from their Wentland game..."

"Yes certainly but not as much as they wherein the first half... This is the more ice-cold fire that sees oppurtunities and takes them."

"Okay for those that just tuned in can you give a re-cap of the last 20 minutes?..."

"Well the Bazalopes have been doing their usually 4-3-3 style, focussing on attacking.. there has been a number of oppurtunities but the Nankaland defense has been a strong force to be reckoned with and they haqve so far shut down all attacks that the Bazalopes have tried. SDo far the Bazalopes have not gotten close but they are still going with steely determination."

In the 26th minute...

Anthony Creek has the ball, and is making his way to the goal he attempts a long-range score attempt and sends it straight over the top of the goal. The Nankaland team takes this and moves to score a goal.... The Bandit moves in and he tackles and has taken out the Nankaland player... OH no.. the player has a bleeding nose and the ref has awarded The Bandit a yellow card... Hang on he's challanging the card... Caine Hawdon is appealling for calm from the player but he's just keep going off.... and that's a red card.. The Bandit has been sent off the field.... and the Nanka's have a penalty shot at goal... They line up the shot and he comes in and shots and completely decieves the goallie Jeffery Constantine, he goes one way and the ball goes the other...

Score now 0-1..... The Nanka's retreat to their own half and defend the goal with vigour.. the game is all over... The Bazalopes cannot pass this wall of defense...

FT Score: 0-1
Position in Group 9: Last

....

"Let's see what is happening, on the other group 9 matches..... " thought Caine Hawdon to himself as he rifled through the TV Stations looking for a World Cup Summary

Nedalia Vs Collonie.... 1 - 2

Wentland Vs Harlesburg... 3 - 0

"What... Wentland won?..." he nearly screamed....

"What that makes them....." he pulled out the Wc table from after Matchday 13... "add 3 ... add 3... add 3" he looked at the re-calculated table with amazement....

"Wentland go through? How dare they... after what they did... particularily seeing we got 4 out of our 6 points from them. Now something is not right..." said Hawdon to himself as he determined if there was some sort of ultra conspiracy by the hosts of the 26th world cup... either against the Bazalopes or for the Wentland team.....

"Well time to start preparing for the Cup of Harmony, that's if we get invited that is...

The Kazoo Peoples

01-02-2006, 05:28

If chosen randomly, the Kazoos had only a 2/27, or 7%, shot at qualifying had the outcomes of the matches been chosen randomly. Thank goodness that it wasn't random.

Everything seemed to go the Kazoos way, as they defeated a tough Swilatia team 3-1.

The pace was evident as the Kazoos jumped out to an early advantage 1-0 at minute 22, as Lampshade received a pass from Perknowleski, Chadd Johnson blocked a defender from getting to Lampshade, and Lampshade scored.

And right before the halftime whistle, at minute 42, Chadd Johnson had a chance of his own to score a goal, as he tore up the field, and faked a shot left, but no! he shoots right and tricks the Swilatia Goalkeeper, Kazoos up 2-0 at the half.

Coming back from the half, Swilatia had a bit of pep, and Johnson looked a bit sluggish after the break, as a Swilatia forward forwarded a ball into the goal, the only shot Johnson did not block all game. Kazoos up 2-1 at minute 54.

The Kazoos, pressed by their energetic fans, and obviously enraged by the allowed goal, stormed the shocked Swilatia defenders, and they were outgunned, as Chadd Johnson and Rudy Johnson created a perfect team, as a Johnson to Johnson pass (Chadd to Rudy), and subsequent goal scored the third and final goal of the match at minute 61.

Then it was a matter of waiting. For the Kazoos' qualification miracle to come true, both Yafor 2 and Hiiraan had to cooperate. The Hiiraan-Casari match on a TV mounted in the locker room began. The final score? A Casari 2-1 win gave the first part of the qualification miracle.

It was down to this: the Yafor 2 match. All Yafor 2 needed to not do was gain any points (a win or draw would push them over the Kazoos' points). All Rolatia had to do was continue their winning ways. It was minute 70, and Yafor 2 was down by a goal, the score 2-1. Then tragedy struck!

"We don't have any champagne," said Coach Manni Aka. The room erupted into laughter, but then realized the weight of the situation -- there was no champagne to celebrate with or completely trash the locker room with. It was 3 AM (due to time zone differences), and the game continued to progress, the minutes ticking nearer to the end of the match. They opted to send balding Mike Sweeny, 42, as his worn face would allow for no I.D. checking, which in the red tape-strangled morass of The Kazoo Peoples meant as long as five whole minutes.

Sweeny rushed back into the locker room after struggling to find an open liquor store, just in time to see the final whistle, and the room erupted in a confusion of tears, cheering, laughing, cell phone dialing, and other expressions of joy -- the Kazoos were headed to their first World Cup in as many appearances -- they had qualified!

"Wow! We were a long shot from the beginning, but I didn't think we actually had a real chance after yesterday," said Perknowleski, a midfielder for the Kazoo side.

Kazoos progress in WC26:

MD1: loss to Casari 1-0, away
MD2: draw with Turori 1-1, home
MD3: win over Hiiraan 3-1, home
MD4: OFF
MD5: draw with Yafor 2 1-1, home
MD6: draw with Rolatia 2-2, home
MD7: win over Swilatia 3-0, away
---
MD8: draw with Casari 0-0, home
MD9: draw with Turori 2-2, away
MD10: draw with Hiiraan 1-1, away
MD11: Friendly: loss to Schiavonia 2-0, home
MD12: draw with Yafor 2 1-1, away
MD13: loss to Rolatia 2-1, away
MD14: win over Swilatia 3-1, home

On the postgame show, sports commentator Charles Norris, summed up the Kazoos' qualification berth under these bullet points:

"1. The match was at home. Allow me to show you a video clip, which pretty much sums up why this was an advantage:"

A picture of a blank stadium fills the screen. The image moves in time-lapse, fast-forwarding through many workers hanging banners reading, "FEAR THE KAZOO." Then the sun begins to set. Fans begin to file in -- a few at first, then to full capacity of over 100,000. Cut to a stadium gate. Fans wearing Kazoo apparel, including the very popular foam kazoo headpiece, file in. Cut to exterior shot of the street and surrounding area. Lines of people 20-deep fill the sidewalk, spill over and onto the street. Streets around the stadium are cordoned off, allowing more fans to pack around the stadium. Cut to stadium. Fans carrying carboard cards file into the section. First, just white tiles fill the section. Some cards flip, and a message reads, "KAZOOS". The cards begin to flip again, and a picture of a kazoo is proudly displayed. One last time, the cards flip, and an uncanny resemblance to the Kazoo flag appears.

"Yep, that sums it up," said Charles Norris, and he continued:

"2. Yafor 2 was away. This led to their 2-1 defeat against the rolling Rolatian side. Rolatia was tough again, finishing the qualification in fifth after that win, and their second consecutive. We needed the Yafor 2 loss, and by golly, it happened.

"3. We had the fire in our bellies. After the tough loss to Rolatia on Matchday 13, they wanted to finish off the qualification spree with a win. We wanted to put forth our best effort.

"4. Casari won today. We needed Casari to win or draw, as a loss to Hiiraan would put qualification out of reach.

"5. Jim Johnson probably played his best game of his career today. Show them the tape."

The view is from the perspective behind the net. The goalkeeper dives left and right, in a series of clips in rapid succession, some having three or four blocks in a row. An especially momentus block is shown, were the ball hits Johnson square in the face, but he dives on the ball, and kicks it off, blood streaming from his face. He waves off the medical team, as they rush onto the field. He is tossed a towel, and he dries off his face.

"I have the stats here: in fact, Johnson blocked 31 of 32 shots sent towards the goal. Definitely his best performance.

"And that's why the Kazoos won. I'm Charles Norris. Good night."

---
FINAL STANDINGS
Region 6 Pts W D L GF:GA GD
1. Casari 20 5 5 2 18:12 6
2. The Kazoo Peoples 16 3 7 2 18:13 5
------------------------------------------------------
3. Yafor 2 16 3 7 2 14:12 2
4. Swilatia 15 3 6 3 17:18 -1
5. Rolatia 15 3 6 3 13:17 -4
6. Hiiraan 14 4 2 6 21:26 -5
7. Turori 10 1 7 4 18:21 -3
---
FINAL SCHEDULE, RESULTS:
Matchday 1:

HOME AWAY
Turori 4:0 Rolatia
Casari 1:0 The Kazoo Peoples
Yafor 2 2:1 Swilatia

Hiiraan does not play

Matchday 2:

HOME AWAY
The Kazoo Peoples 1:1 Turori
Swilatia 1:1 Casari
Hiiraan 1:0 Rolatia

Yafor 2 does not play

Matchday 3:

HOME AWAY
Turori 3:3 Swilatia
Casari 1:1 Yafor 2
The Kazoo Peoples 3:1 Hiiraan

Rolatia does not play

Matchday 4:

HOME AWAY
Casari 1:1 Turori
Hiiraan 3:2 Yafor 2
Rolatia 0:0 Swilatia

The Kazoo Peoples does not play

Matchday 5:

HOME AWAY
Hiiraan 5:2 Turori
Rolatia 0:2 Casari
The Kazoo Peoples 1:1 Yafor 2

Swilatia does not play

Matchday 6:

HOME AWAY
Turori 0:0 Yafor 2
Swilatia 4:1 Hiiraan
The Kazoo Peoples 2:2 Rolatia

Casari does not play

Matchday 7:

HOME AWAY
Casari 5:3 Hiiraan
Yafor 2 1:1 Rolatia
Swilatia 0:3 The Kazoo Peoples

Turori does not play

Matchday 8:

AWAY HOME
Turori 1:1 Rolatia
Casari 0:0 The Kazoo Peoples
Yafor 2 0:0 Swilatia

Hiiraan does not play

Matchday 9:

AWAY HOME
The Kazoo Peoples 2:2 Turori
Swilatia 1:1 Casari
Hiiraan 1:1 Rolatia

Yafor 2 does not play

Matchday 10:

AWAY HOME
Turori 1:2 Swilatia
Casari 0:1 Yafor 2
The Kazoo Peoples 1:1 Hiiraan

Rolatia does not play

Matchday 11:

AWAY HOME
Casari 1:3 Turori
Hiiraan 3:1 Yafor 2
Rolatia 2:2 Swilatia

The Kazoo Peoples do not play a World Cup 26 game today,
but they have a friendly:
Schiavonia 2:0 Kazoo Peoples, at Kazoo City Kola Stadium

Matchday 12:

AWAY HOME
Hiiraan 1:2 Turori
Rolatia 1:2 Casari
The Kazoo Peoples 1:1 Yafor 2

Swilatia does not play

Matchday 13:

AWAY HOME
Turori 1:1 Yafor 2
Swilatia 2:1 Hiiraan
The Kazoo Peoples 1:2 Rolatia

Casari does not play

Matchday 14:

AWAY HOME
Casari 2:1 Hiiraan
Yafor 2 1:2 Rolatia
Swilatia 1:3 The Kazoo Peoples

Turori does not play
---
Local man wins small fortune after betting K$10,000 on Kazoos to qualify for World Cup 26

A local man won K$800,000 after wagering K$10,000 on the Kazoos on Matchday 3, at odds of 80:1. The man wished to remain anonymous.

Praying2God

01-02-2006, 05:44

*Halftime*

John Carlson (JC): At halftime, the Warriors are trailing Tanah Burung 0-1. David, what do you think of what we saw from the Warriors in the first half?

David Tall (DT): Did somebody forget to tell the Warriors that they could potentially qualify for the WC for the first time in our nation's history today? They're playing like they have nothing to play for.

Lisa Simonson (LS): That could be because they're assuming that Bettia will defeat Basicota and make the result of this match a moot point.

DT: They shouldn't be assuming that. Only one out of three potential possibilities is a Bettia win, the other two possibilities give the Warriors a chance to qualify. Not to mention, Basicota has been playing surprisingly well for a team ranked 205th in the world coming into the WC.

JC: At the moment, Basicota is leading Bettia 2-0. Do you think somebody will relay that information to the Warriors locker room?

LS: I would sure hope so. Despite the fact that Bettia is the 23rd ranked team in the world, a 2-0 deficit is hard to overcome.

*reception cuts out*

Random Announcer Voice: We're having technical difficulties...Please stand by...

*reception returns*

*80th minute*

JC: Here in the 80th minute the Warriors still trail TB 0-1. The Warriors have played like a more inspired team in the 2nd half, but the TB keeper has been up to the challenge, keeping the Warriors off the board to this point...TB with a chance...there's a shot...HUGE SAVE by Sarah Larson!!! The Warriors needed that save to keep them in the match. A TB win eliminates any chance the Warriors have to qualify...

LS: Word just in from the Bettia/Basicota match, John. Basicota has done it! Basicota has held on to defeat Bettia 3-2. That means that a draw means that the Warriors will qualify for WC XXVI.

DT: The hard part is going to be getting the goal to even this match. The TB keeper has looked spectacular in the 2nd half, and a win could vault them into 2nd place, and allow them to qualify for WC XXVI.

*90th minute*

JC: TB has the ball and are looking for the knockout...there's a shot...which is easily caught by Sarah Larson...she quickly punts the ball up field...she's apparently seen something...what did she see?...she's seen her husband wide open near midfield!...Thomas Larson picks up the ball in full stride...he's off on a breakaway...I wouldn't want to be the TB keeper at the moment...Larson into the box...the TB keeper looks scared to death...Larson unleashes a shot...the TB keeper dives for it...it's off the keeper's fingers...it deflects off the inside of the post...AND INTO THE NET!!!

*whistle blows a split-second later*

IT'S A MIRACLE!!!!!!! THOMAS LARSON SCORES A SPLIT-SECOND BEFORE THE FINAL WHISTLE!!! PRAYING2GOD HAS QUALIFIED FOR THE WC FOR THE FIRST TIME IN OUR NATION'S HISTORY!!! WHAT A WAY TO FINISH WC XXVI QUALIFYING!!!!! THIS MATCH MAY GO DOWN IN WORLD CUP LORE AS ONE OF THE GREATEST QUALIFYING MATCHES EVER!!!

DT and LS: :eek:

JC: WE'LL SEE YOU IN EITHER COMMERCE HEIGHTS OR OLIVERRY FOLKS!!! FOR DAVID TALL AND LISA SIMONSON, I'M JOHN CARLSON, WE'LL COME TO YOU NEXT TIME FROM WORLD CUP XXVI GROUP PLAY!

Casari

01-02-2006, 06:33

http://i16.photobucket.com/albums/b20/Casari/4sport.png

A good, quality finish brings Casari's first ever group win home
Good effort keeps the Tiger-era alive, keeps Hill safely in both GM/Coaching spot

After the questionable performances of late made by the Casaran team, a result on the final matchday would have been the only way Coach and General Manager of the National Team Vivica Hill could be sure of keeping her job.

Thankfully, the Tiger-era is going to continue here in Casari.

"We put forth a good performance, finally one that is in line with our rank." She said at the post-match press confrence. A pair of goals from Saienz and Newberry managed to put the game away early, as the rest of the match featured the Casaran defense repelling the occasional attack, but nothing happened in the match that was too stressful.

"To be honest, qualifying is probably the most stressful part of this whole thing. Now we can relax and wait for the draw."

New plan for National Stadium decided upon
Most of Casaran National Stadium being taken apart, sold

A plan for the new National Stadium was revealed today, being clamed as "taking Casari to a new level of soccer."

While the new stadium should be finished by the next round of World Cup Qualifying, the desttuction of the old stadium is another matter.

"Casaran National Stadium is a historical monument that's seen every Casaran home international match and cup final, along with the success of the two largest clubs in Casari." Because of this, special care is being taken to remove everything of value before the stadium is wrecked, along with the famous "Milo the Cat" and his fellow felines who have lived in the stadium for years.

"We're confident we can get all the cats out." Said one official.

Along with the cats, lots of memorabilia will be going on sale, from bathroom fixtures and even toilets and urinals, as well as lots of the current and former signage that has been stored under the stadium, even going to extremes as selling the goals, seats, pieces of the facade, and sections of the pitch.

"We have to get money to build this from somewhere."

The exterior of the new stadium has been described as "a classic design with modern flare," leading most Casarans to hope that it's not pure crap. Seating for the new stadium is expected to be over 70,000 seats, not including terrace space.

"We want the most spectacular stadium in the nation, and what should become one of the gems of the soccer world."

Giant Zucchini

01-02-2006, 07:20

Another Own Goal!
Episode 11: Tartini the Hero!

You know the scene…dark…couch…green fingered fella…well…he’s screaming his head off at the moment…if he had a head.

“…and if the score stays like this, Amorah will go through on goal difference after Cockbill Street’s point penalty…and they certainly look like the better side here, attacking down the right wing, they put in a good cross and Brugghen jumps to clear it…the striker gets ahead of him and gets a powerful header but that’s a strong touch by Laredo to push it away. Corner. That’s a good ball into the box but Laredo clears it with a strong punch. Chekhov will pick it up but oh what a brilliantly flighted pass into the path of Ulvaeus here…he’s down. The Amorah defender will get a card for that. Looks like the goal scorer Tartini is over this one. If anyone’s in the mood he certainly is. And it’s a strong kick INTO THE FAR TOP CORNER OF THE GOAL! Oh what a strike! And that’s his second in only his third start for the Zucchinis! Brilliant! Brilliant! And that may be the goal that sends Giant Zucchini into the World Cup Finals! Will they hold on for the last 10 minutes…and that’s the final whistle! The Zucchinis have qualified for the World Cup in the most spectacular fashion! And the hero, none other than 21 year old Fra di ser Tartini with 2 amazing strikes, the first 10 minutes from the start, the second 10 minutes from the end! It’s heartbreak here for Amorah, who looked to be going through for most of the match, but what joy it is for Giant Zucchini, ranked 88th in the world, finally back on the big stage in a big big way! We bring you down to the dugouts for a few words from Mr James Gorton, manager of the team.”

“Well, it’s obviously good to qualify for the World Cup, and I think it is extra special for the team to do it in the last 10 minutes of the last match of qualifying. Well I think we certainly have the quality to make it to the Group stages, I think the world knows that now, although we did have a bit of luck in the run-up. But obviously I’m overjoyed to qualify, and we’ll be trying our best to do Giant Zucchini proud.”

“And that was national team coach James Gorton, who after a disappointing qualifying season last time out, has shattered all expectations by qualifying for the World Cup…”

To be continued…

Giant Zucchini’s Department of Number Crunching and Data Spewing presents:

Match stats:

Amorah - 1
(31)

Giant Zucchini - 2
Tartini (12, 80)

Yellow Cards:
Amorah player (16)

Giant Zucchini stats:

Top Goalscorers:
Johann Rilke – 5
Absamat Chekhov – 2
Armand Boyer – 2
Gottlieb Poulsen – 2
Dino Nuvolari – 2
Fra di ser Tartini - 2
Mikhail Glinka – 1
Arturo Bardi – 1
Boudewijn Brugghen – 1

Yellow Cards:
Dino Nuvolari – 1
Domingo Ferrero – 1
Armand Boyer – 1
Gottlieb Poulsen – 1

Red Cards:
Mikhail Glinka – 1

NationStates Jolt Archive

World Cup 26 Roleplay Thread - Page 2