NationStates Jolt Archive

http://www.thirdgeek.com/wc26logo.png

The draw for World Cup 26 qualifying took place on IRC yesterday (2006–01–12). These are the groups (the top 2 teams from each group qualify):

Group 1
[1] Sarzonia (roster (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=10197815&postcount=27))
[32] EL CID THE HERO
[50] Kericia (roster (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=10211933&postcount=37))
[119] Apologetic Kittens (roster (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=10226573&postcount=45))
[161] Star Signs
[184] County Islands
Montrique

Group 2
[10] Krytenia (roster (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=10188410&postcount=18))
[27] Hockey Canada (roster (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=10232238&postcount=49))
[48] The Weegies (roster (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=10216709&postcount=42))
[61] Spaam
[155] Northern Voobaha (roster (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=10191896&postcount=20))
[184] Fbrenia (roster (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=10183619&postcount=9))
FSX

Group 3
[7] Total n Utter Insanity
[28] Spruitland
[45] Lethislavania
[67] Andossa Se Mitrin Vega (roster (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=10184017&postcount=11))
[161] Errinundera
[184] Dehny
Very Angry Rabbits

Group 4
[2] Rejistania (roster (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=10255785&postcount=58))
[34] Kaze Progressa (roster (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=10234713&postcount=51))
[55] Cuation (roster (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=10193286&postcount=22))
[82] Kudlastan
[139] Schiavonia (roster (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=10237992&postcount=53))
[184] Pyrologists911
Alexandrian Ptolemais (roster (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=10251290&postcount=56))

Group 5
[16] Crystilakere
[21] Vilita
[41] Chicanada
[70] Euroslavia
[139] Gruenberg
[178] North Fenris
[184] Hoolabaloola

Group 6
[8] Turori
[26] Casari (roster (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=10187630&postcount=15))
[45] Yafor 2 (roster (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=10206158&postcount=36))
[83] Swilatia
[120] The Kazoo Peoples (roster (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=10180650&postcount=2))
[184] Rolatia (roster (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=10251451&postcount=57))
Hiiraan (roster (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=10181923&postcount=5))

Group 7
[3] Starblaydia (roster (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=10183637&postcount=10))
[33] New Montreal States (roster (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=10181292&postcount=3))
[49] The Lowland Clans (roster (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=10187090&postcount=14))
[92] The Macabees (roster (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=10182969&postcount=6))
[145] Southern Universe
[161] Dagabom
[205] Keyshona

Group 8
[6] Liverpool England (roster (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=10241527&postcount=55))
[25] Five Civilized Nations
[58] Pastorville (roster (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=10214611&postcount=40))
[104] The Islands of Qutar (roster (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=10226837&postcount=46))
[155] East Lithuania (roster (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=10181783&postcount=4))
[161] Firania
[209] Language Teachers

Group 9
[4] Squornshelous (roster (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=10262077&postcount=62))
[35] Nedalia (roster (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=10189116&postcount=19))
[39] Harlesburg
[59] Nanakaland (roster (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=10263149&postcount=63))
[126] Bazalonia (roster (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=10183428&postcount=7))
[161] Wentland (roster (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=10240249&postcount=54))
[184] Collonie (roster (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=10197734&postcount=26))

Group 10
[12] Audioslavia (roster (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=10198934&postcount=29))
[17] Lovisa
[53] Tonissia
[102] Ariddia (roster (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=10183575&postcount=8))
[135] Legalese (roster (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=10236701&postcount=52))
[178] Thergo
[201] Havl

Group 11
[5] Bedistan (roster (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=10199440&postcount=31))
[36] Oglethorpia
[38] The Archregimancy (roster (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=10196562&postcount=25))
[60] PopularFreedom (roster (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=10216437&postcount=41))
[158] Anathematic Republics (roster (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=10213569&postcount=38))
[184] Cataduanes (roster (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=10204094&postcount=34))
[209] United Island Empires

Group 12
[15] One Red Dot
[18] Oaker
[40] Hypocria (roster (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=10226301&postcount=44))
[74] System Karela
[149] Majeristan (roster (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=10202657&postcount=33))
[178] Palacetonia (roster (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=10227405&postcount=47))
[201] Hurleyland

Group 13
[11] Cockbill Street
[19] Eauz
[56] Elrich (roster (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=10198850&postcount=28))
[88] Giant Zucchini (roster (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=10188155&postcount=17))
[149] Amorah
[178] Nezza
Dance 2 Revolution (roster (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=10228722&postcount=48))

Group 14
[13] Fmjphoenix (roster (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=10201373&postcount=32))
[23] Bettia (roster (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=10204619&postcount=35))
[43] Praying2God (roster (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=10214467&postcount=39))
[76] Da WhoseLine People
[155] The Ardenne
[161] Tanah Burung
[205] Basicota

Group 15
[9] Tadjikistan (roster (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=10198951&postcount=30))
[24] Jeruselem (roster (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=10193778&postcount=24))
[47] Milchama (roster (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=10234602&postcount=50))
[106] Rordia
[159] Artoonia
[184] Race City
McPsychoville (roster (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=10217520&postcount=43))

Note that unranked teams are equivalent to 209th-ranked teams (they both have a KPB score (http://ns.goobergunch.net/wiki/index.php/KPB_ranking_system) of 0).

The qualifying schedule will be as follows:
Matchday 1: 1v6, 2v5, 3v4, 7 does not play
Matchday 2: 5v1, 4v2, 7v6, 3 does not play
Matchday 3: 1v4, 2v3, 5v7, 6 does not play
Matchday 4: 2v1, 7v3, 6v4, 5 does not play
Matchday 5: 7v1, 6v2, 5v3, 4 does not play
Matchday 6: 1v3, 4v7, 5v6, 2 does not play
Matchday 7: 2v7, 3v6, 4v5, 1 does not play
The first team listed will be the home team. Matchdays 8–14 will be the same, with home and away fixtures reversed.

Links:
WC26 Signups (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showthread.php?t=454490)
WC26 Pre-Cup RP (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showthread.php?t=461592)
WC26 Rosters (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showthread.php?t=461593)
WC26 Scores (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showthread.php?t=463994)

Street thug gangsta rapper Statto had been chosen as the somewhat odd host of the World Cup Draw programme on WBC1. Despite an ample reputation for kicking it with the homies no-one knew whether she would be suitable for the mass geography of the draw - and the decisions as to which group Wentland would fit into.

And she did a great job. Displaying an almost encyclopaedic knowledge of national capitals and vexillological trivia, she kept it all together in a mock-reggae patois that the subtitlers had great difficulty in following. Particularly when, in a rant against the deaf (something to do with acid rain), she hid her mouth behind her hands.

The interest picked up after about an hour and a half when the sixth seeds were revealed. The Wentland pot.

Not Group One, good, avoiding Sarzonia. Group 2? No. Good, no Krytenia.

Group Three. "Dehny." Hmm.

The fourth group. Didn't want Rejistania after the BoF knockout travesty. "Pyrologists 911". Who the heck are they? Didn't matter - or as Statsy put it:

911 is a joke
The boy band, not the country

...which didn't rhyme or scan, but Statto was known for her freebasing riddims. Not for nothing was she known as the e e cummings of rap - tho' that was more for her big hit i'
,....m,mm
a
BEEEE--------------#]
otCHCHCHCHCC!! where the lyrics were ungooglable.

Nothing for Groups 7 or 8. Group 9 came out and "Wentland" was read out. Oopsie. Who's in that group? Statto read through them quickly:

Yo, yo, yo. Squornshelous, Nedalia,
We're all off to play ya.
Harlesburg, Nanakaland, Bazalonia,
When we beat you we'll phone ya.

Many television sets were then turned off as people forgot there was another team to be added. Collonie. Which Dictionary Corner turned into "loo cline" as an anagram, which no-one really understood.

The die was cast.

World Cup 26 Has Begun!


The nation of East Lithuania is amazed. After about 5 years, the East Lithuania Great Whites are in the World Cup! People all over are already jumping around their homes the excitment is that much. Not only is the nation ready, but so are the players and Coach Discolo. These men are right not resting for their first match, but we were able to contact Dicsolo for some thoughts.

"These men have amazed me to this day. Their preformence in the BoF made me proud as a coach. But now it's the big time. We drew the group along with Liverpool England, and they know their football. The Stakes are high, so we need to shape up if we want to go on."

After reading the latest press release from the Cuation management James Gaines has organised a press conference to discuss.

"Thank you, everyone for coming."he starts, "First of all we want to say that he have always supported our players. If we did not think we had a team that we could be proud of then I'd very serious doubt if we would have entered our team in the competition. However we are currently unhappy with our coaching team's, and one coach in particular, lack of ability to keep old league rivalry's in the cooler. The fracas in our loss to the Qutar team was only an ugly symptom of an underlying disease, a fractured team. This is the coaches duty to forge the team into a co-hesive unit and we just do not currently see that. On a more positive not we are also able to announce the players that will replace the creek Brothers in the team. Johanes Bask and Nathan Iglacious.. Just after this press conference will update our official World Cup Roster. Does any one have any questions?"

A female news reporter stood up and asked "This is the second time that cuation has seemed to attack the leadership of the Bazalopes, What is your opinion of the Cuation Management?".. and then sat down again

"I have to say I agree with the sentiment that the cuation management has given us both times. It will take many world cups for us to be in a position where we can truely be competition against the worlds top 10 nations, and statements like the ones Caine Hawdon said that prompted the first comments are just not helpful in any way. The recent comments however are right, the Bazalope players have done a wonderful job in getting as far as they had in the Baptism of fire, but their coaches had failed them. We have had some discussion with the coaches and beleive that the issues raised have been taken on board for the teams preperation."

A male reporter stood up and asked "We have yet to hear anything about the stadium to be used for Bazalonia's home games during the qualifiers. What's up with that?" ... then satdown again.

"Ah... We will be using the TeleBaz Stadium in Fauxhan for the qualifiers... We have a special secret that has just been finished installed in the Stadium. I am not going to tell you anything more... you'll just have to wait and see... Well thank you for attending... I've got a meeting now, so that is where we will have to leave it."

James left the conference and headed back to his office.
--------------------

"35 vs 126" by Nev Gould

With the program down for the Qualifing round of the World Cup. The Bazalopes first match is being hosted by our first World Cup opponents, The Nedalia Lions. Unfortunately trying to gain the information for where the Lions and Bazalopes will confront each other in Nedalia it has been hard to find out exactly where... We have contacted the Nedalian Lions and they will get back to us. For our home matches, it has just been announced in a press conference that the TeleBaz Stadium in Fauxhan will be the Bazalonian home of the World Cup Qualification matches. Caine Hawdon had this to say... "Wow... We have a tough group, We will be facing Squornshelous, Nedalia, Harlesburg and Nanakaland... All of them far out rank us in the rankings but Wentland and Collonie we are quite confident about dealing with those two nations." This seems to be a far cry from the confidence shown after the winning the first 2 matches in the Baptism of Fire... Challenging the top three ranked nations, This seems to be a complete turn around the chiding of both the BFSA and the Cuation management seem to have payed off. Will we see a revitalised team for the world cup? Who knows.

Alexandria Times-Tribune-Post-Gazette-Chronicle-Journal-Enquirer

Sports Section

Some luck requirered for qualification

Well there is some good news and bad news for Milchama Warriors fans today. The good news: Milchama is ranked third in terms of KPB ranks in their group, with the next lowest team over 50 ranks below the Warriors. The bad news: The two teams above the Warriors are Jeruselem and Tadjikistan. The other problem only two teams qualify from each group so clearly the Warriors will need some luck against the top two teams to qualify.
Now onto the infamous Milchmian predictions:
Group 15:
[9] Tadjikistan- Good team. The Tadjiks are one of the best in world even if they have had some trouble getting far in World Cups. Qualification will probably come easy for them, luckies. Against them we need to get at least draw and hopefully two draws.
[24] Jeruselem- The Crusaders are a good team and also (we think) Jewish so that is a relief. These games we play with them are key games for qualification. One win and a draw are probably neccesary and anything less than three points in those two games we can kiss our qualification chances bye bye.
[47] Milchama- That's us. We might just be the first team to have two coaches, coach a World Cup campaign. The question becomes then will the different strategies work? We don' know but we do hope it will.
[106] Rordia- Their newspapers seem to be interested in soccer and we think they did well in the BoF. That being said they are ranked over 50 places below us. We should get two wins here.
[159] Artoonia- Over 100 places below us and we have never heard of them before. If we don't get two victories here then whoever loses/draws will probably get sacked.
[184] Race City- Ranked even lower then Artoonia and while they might care they clearly will struggle. This will be another neccesary six points.
[209] McPsychoville- They have a cool name. Unfortunately the cool name will not get them results and they probably will struggle. Another key six points.

So then how will the Warriors fare:
Tadjikistan- 1 point
Jeruselem- 3 points
Rest- 6 points

That means a total of 28 points. Hopefully this will be enough to qualify.

Now onto the other questions who will coach the Warriors? Here is the answer:
MD1 v. Rordia: Thibault
MD2 v. nobody
MD 3 v. Jeruselem: Smith
MD4 v. Artoonia: Smith
MD 5 v. McPsychoville: Thibault
MD 6 v. Tadjiskistan: Thibault
MD 7 v. Race City: Smith
They will both coach against the same teams in MDs 8-14.

Canucks get a good draw (for once)
After much anticipation, the Hockey Canada canucks are back for yet another World Cup looking to go even farther than a 1st round exit. The goal this year is a quarter-finals berth and beyond. If we can manage to get to our goal, we will exit the cup feeling proud of ourselves with no shame. Group 2's only challenges look like only Krytenia and Spaam. Krytenia by rank and Spaam just for being Spaam. Here's a breif overview of all the teams we've released:

Krytenia- 10 (FIFA Team: Portugal)
The Krytenians are fielding an excellent team this year and look like a dark horse to capture the World Cup title. Both the Hockey Canadians and Krytenians have switched national team keepers making this an interesting matchup when the two teams battle. We're predicting both games will feature the home team winning but Krytenia coming on top for the record with a better Goal Differential.
Predicted Points: 3

The Weegies- 48 (FIFA Team: Australia)
We're expecting a valiant effort from The Weegies but not expecting to let up when we play them. We have never seen these guys in international play because we were not there or were just too damn lazy. Either way we figure we'll win both home and away against The Weegies. They'll bee weeing in Hockey canadian Ice-toilets before they will against us on the snowy field.
Predicted Points: 6

Spaam- 61 (FIFA Team: Angola)
Yup, our bitches are back! This draw now ties Spaam with Total n Utter Insanity for being in our group for a record 3 World Cups. Spaam has been on a steady decline in the past couple of years causing Hockey Canadian gamblers to think little of the spammed population. We're expecting them to pop-up on the field annoyingly when we get something good going. We feel we can snatch 2 wins away from Spaam in close games.
Predicted Points: 6

Northern Voobaha- 155 (FIFA Team: San Marino)
Just who is Northern Voobaha? We don't know, or care for that matter. These guys are totally new to us and we think this will be total and utter rapage. If anyone even thinks of an upset may they be slightly burned in acid and have to listen to a fork and knife scratch dinner plates for 3 months.
Predicted Points: 6

Fbrenia- 184 (FIFA Team: Somalia)
Just who in the world are these guys? We don't know, but when they size up to Somalia in real life they can't be the best team in Nationstates. Fbrenia is a wierd name though.
Predicted Points: 6

FSX- N/A (FIFA Team: N/A)
FSX?
Predicted Points: FSX?

Predicted Standings:
Krytenia
Hockey Canada
Spaam
The Weegies
Northern Voobaha
Fbrenia
FSX

Another Own Goal!
Episode 0: Return of the Flop

The room was dark. A small reading light was all that illuminated the dark darkness of the dark room. A shady character sits in front of the television reading the newspapers. He checks the date, and then shifts quickly to the back of the papers. The observant will notice that he is, of course, reading the Giant Zucchini Times, and that he is obviously turning to the Sports section.

A pale, if slightly green, finger thumbed the edge of the columns. No, I mean, it wasn’t the thumb, but another finger, but using the same approximate action as you would with a thumb. His finger stopped.

Group 13
[11] Cockbill Street
[19] Eauz
[56] Elrich
[88] Giant Zucchini
[149] Amorah
[178] Nezza
Dance 2 Revolution

“Hmm…Dance 2 Revolution, so they’re back eh? Well we should not have any problems against them should we? Hmm, Eauz, Cockbill Street, tough ones. Give them some time. 2, 3 more World Cups? We’ll be back there with the best of them. Just like the good old times…”

He suddenly jerked up, and shock filled his face. No, obviously, it’s a dark room, so we can’t SEE that shock filled his face, but it filled it anyway. And a terrible thought filled his mind…

To be continued…

Let the Games Begin!
NorVoos open WC26 ranked 155th in world

What was cheering in Kellnersville turned to mixed emotion as fans of the Blue Candle realized that the team had drawn into Group 2, with highly ranked Krytenia and The Weegies.

But NorVoo had coach Amndre Patterson has another target on his radar.

"Need a good laugh? Check out Hockey Canada", Patterson asked the crowd of reportes at this morning's media conference. He then polled in a birdcage, and pulled a newspaper from the bottom of the cage. Holding it up to the media, the head "Canucks get a good draw (for once)".

Patterson quoted the paper's recap of The Blues, "Just who is Northern Voobaha? We don't know, or care for that matter. These guys are totally new to us and we think this will be total and utter rapage. If anyone even thinks of an upset may they be slightly burned in acid and have to listen to a fork and knife scratch dinner plates for 3 months.
Predicted Points: 6"

"Obviously they slept through the Baptism of Fire telecasts, either that or they were busy ice fishing, or whatever the hell they do there", the coach quipped, "but I'm just surprised to find out they know what a fork and knife are." The Blues won their group in the BoF, only to lose their elimination round match to eventual 3rd place team Apologetic Kittens on penalties.

Kendara, with 3 goals in the BoF, was slightly less impressed with Hockey Canada.
"If they think they can scare us, they're right. A team that wears mullets as a sign a team unity? That part IS scary."

"I've got three words for them.. Game, on, bitches." MF Jean-Michel Melby said. Rumors of Melby watching game tapes of Tie Domi. Kris Draper and Todd Bertuzzi as part of his WC26 preparation are unconfirmed.

Game sites have been announced for the Northern Voobaha group matches.
Games with Spaam and Hockey Canada will be played at Riverrun Park in Wikata, where the World Cup has been taken off the boards at casino sports books.

The remainder of the matches will be played at Lambrecht Field in Kellnersville.

Team Sees Green In WC26
For four years now, worrying about World Cup 26, it has finally come about and the future does not seem as bleak as many had thought. Of course, the group placed it is certainly not a walk in the park, and chances are that the team will fail to even get close to qualifying, but head coach Leo Benz, speaking for the team, has announced that the Macabee National Football Team "[wasn't] looking for a qualify. Instead [it was] looking for a chance to rise through the ranks." And rising through the ranks certainly. For the purposes of the article the author has created a list of the best to worst team in the group (in their perspective), and expected results in this world cup.

Starblaydia, of course, is one of the favourites of the World Cup, and has an excellent chance for winning the cup. In light of this, it's no question that they will qualify from the group and enter the finals. Although New Montreal States is a relatively unknown team in the perspective of former clashes between the Empire and them, there is no doubt that they are also a very capable team, and thus saying that there is a possiblity that they will qualify from the group as well. The Lowland Clan was in the same group as the Empire in WC25, and with renewed training there is a good chance that the Empire can draw with the Lowland Clans, or even win. Four years ago, defeats at the hands of this team were not very rough, as compared to others, so many fans have big hopes. For the final three teams, the Empire is hoping and basing its success, on defeating them successfully in the upcoming matches. With this said, the Empire is hoping to finish fourth of seventh in the group, with dreams of finishing third, above the Lowland Clans. Unfortunately, telling from WC25, all fans understand where dreams can get you - second to last.

Matches:
The Lowland Clans vs. The Macabees
The Macabees vs. New Montreal States
Starblaydia vs. The Macabees
The Macabees vs. Dagabom
Bi-day
The Macabees vs. Keyshona
The Macabees vs. The Southern Universe
The Macabees vs. The Lowland Clans
New Montreal States vs. The Macabees
The Macabees vs. Starblaydia
Dagabom vs. The Macabees
Bi-day
Keyshona vs. The Macabees
The Southern Universe vs. The Macabee

Expectations [Respectfully]:
Undecisive
Defeat
Defeat
Win
Win
Win
Undecisive
Defeat
Defeat
Win
Win
Win

THE ARCHREGIMANCY BRINGS YOU

THE MONASTIC TIMES

ARCHREGIMANCY REGISTER PROTEST OVER WORLD CUP DRAW
ENTIRE NATION IN SHOCK AT BEING DRAWN AGAINST MINIONS OF SATAN
SQUAD MEMBERS REFUSE TO TRAVEL TO HELL

By Fr. Nicholas the Scribe

With the World Cup qualification draw being made overnight, many football fans in the Archregimancy were expecting to celebrate over an unexpectedly kind draw that gives the Cup of Harmony finalists every chance of qualifying for their first ever World Cup. After all, while fifth-ranked Bedistan are expected to romp through the group, the second- and third-ranked teams in the group, Oglethorpia and the Archregimancy, are separated by a mere two spots on the ranking ladder at 36th and 38th respectively.

As encouraging as this news might have been, the entire nation – whether football supporters or not – is instead up in arms this morning over the news that the footballing monks have been drawn against the Anathematic Republics, a team literally consisting of the minions of Satan, the worst heretics in the history of the Orthodox Church, and whose home matches are played in Hell.

The Monastic Football Association, the Holy Synod of the Archregimancy, and the Archregimand himself signed an open letter to tournament organisers Commerce Heights and Oliverry overnight, the contents of which read as follows:

Dear Sirs,
Following the recent World Cup Draw, we wish to express our disgust at the news that the Archregimancy is apparently expected to not only permit Satan’s minions access to our Holy Monastic Republic, but also to send our team of monks and celibate priests into the very jaws of hell, placing their immortal souls into such terrible danger that we can barely express our anger here on the written page.

While we certainly do not shirk from the task at hand – defeating Satan is something of an obligation for us, after all – we wish to make it clear that under no circumstances whatsoever will we permit the squad from the Anathematic Republics to enter the Archregimancy, nor will our team travel to Hell for the away leg.

We insist that a neutral venue be found for the two matches as soon as is conceivably possible. We recommend New Montreal States, though frankly any venue is surely preferable to the scheduled alternative.

Yours in Christ
The Monastic Football Association
The Holy Synod of the Archregimancy
His Excellency the Archregimand.

The MFA was said to be placing the highest priority on a rapid answer to their protest.

A full review of the World Cup draw will take place in the near future on the always popular TV programme World Cup Tonight, featuring Fr. John the Golden-Throated and your faithful correspondent.

BOBBY BROKE - BEST ODDS AROUND!!!!

Squornshelous v Wentland

Squornshelous to win by 1 goal: 25/1
2: 12/1
3: 5/1
4: 2/1
5: evens
6: 8/11
7: evens
8: 2/1
9: 5/1
10 or worse: 15/1

Draw: 50/1

Wentland to win by 1 goal: 100/1
2 or more: 1,000/1


Edgar Bluff was barashly confident as his team boarded the WentAir plane for the flight to Squornshelous. "We've beaten World Cup finalists before," he announced to the lamenting throng bedecked in black, accompanied by the mournful tones of Q Division. "No reason why we can't pull off a shock again."

Once on the plane, he told his team that their best chance was to "defend, defend, defend - and hit on the break. We're relying on you wingers in particular."

Once in the air, he awaited the pinging off of the seatbelt sign, and popped into the boggatorium. Where he sat, head in hands, quietly weeping. "Oh my Lord, we're going to get murdered..."

Crowhurst fanzine "Guinea Foul" had noticed something disturbing about the World Cup draw. Editor Mac the Spoon had applied a complex, secret logarithm to the World rankings and had discovered something anomalous.

"We're in statistically the hardest group. No other group has all 4 top seeds ranked under 60. Look at group 8, their 3rd seeds are barely as good as our 4th seed.

"Plus our last seed is just under the 200s. Most of the others have theirs over that.

"The average World ranking in our group is 87. Look at the other groups. Group 15's is 105 plus.

"Yet again the organizing bodies have conglomerated to screw the Wents. After throwing us out of the BoF on a tie-breaker, even though we had one of the best records there, and not giving us a shot in the 2nd round when another team dropped out, and our world ranking not reflecting our performances there, we havwe been DELIBERATELY placed in the most difficult group. I have it on good authority that one of the hostesses warmed the Wentland ball in a microwave before the draw so the drawers knew to pull us out when it got to Group 9. I shall present this evidence to the WFA IMMEDIATELY and demand a protest."

When informed of Mac's rant, WFA president Professor Sir Donald McDonald, KBE, OBE, MBE, CBE and bar, asked whether it was the same chap who claimed treacle manufacturers Reynolds had sabotaged the Crowhurst team in the 1974 Cup Final by having a lorry break down on the M1 three days before. When told that it was, Sir Donald suggested that he take a long walk off a short cliff, which Mac did and found most invigorating.

GRAHAM CITY SUN
Stars Once Again Find Tough Draw

Group 7
[3] Starblaydia
[33] New Montreal States
[49] The Lowland Clans
[92] The Macabees
[145] Southern Universe
[161] Dagabom
[205] Keyshona

Manager Westley Stjepan waited nervously outside his office today, as did most of the football fans in our nation were, for the results of the World Cup draw. Most people were praying for an easy group, but most pragmatists realized that difficult group was likely, were not surprised when the Stars drew both Starblaydia and New Montreal States, both high quality teams. But thankfully for the Stars, the remainder of the group is either unknown or just not very good. The Macabees shared the Stars group last World Cup and didn't do well, but they should prove a challenge, or at least a slightly more interesting game then guys like Dagabom. But look for the group to finish in ranking order.

Qutar Sports News Network

Good afternoon Qutar, we bring you live to a press conference called by the QFA, after the World Cup Qualifiers had been drawn. The President of the QFA and Paul Dove are coming in now. The president is about to speak;

"I am proud to say that Qutar is in the World Cup Qualifiers, for the first time in our history, I am proud of our teams performance in the Baptism of Fire bringing back our first ever international trophy, and i'm confident that our team will do us all proud. We have been drawn in Group 8, along with Liverpool England, Five Civilized Nations, Pastorville, East Lithuania, Firania and Language Teachers. I'll hand you over to Paul Dove now to answer questions"

"James Ball, QSNN. What do you think of our chances of getting our first qualification into the World Cup, and what do you think of the other teams?"

"I would think we have a fighting chance, because I know that our team and all the staff here, are going to give 110% effort into everygame, and I know what some international newspapers are saying, but we have never faced the top world ranked teams in our group before, Liverpool England, Five Civilzed Nations and Pastorville. So just on world rankings you can't count us out, and also results could go our way, I would say that we have a fighting chance, and we're going to fight all the way.

In response to your other question, we have faced similar teams to East Lithuania, Firania and Language Teachers before, and I have seen them play in the Baptism of Fire, I would expect to win, but for every game the team will play to the best of their ability, whether we face 6th ranked Liverpool England or 209th ranked Language Teachers. And as I said before Liverpool England, Five Civilized Nations and Pastorville have never played us before, so there is no precident, and I think my team can take them on and win"

Group 8
[6] Liverpool England
[25] Five Civilized Nations
[58] Pastorville
[104] The Islands of Qutar
[155] East Lithuania
[161] Firania
[209] Language Teachers

Matchday 1: Pastorville vs The Islands of Qutar
Matchday 2: The Islands of Qutar vs Five Civilized Nations
Matchday 3: Liverpool England vs The Islands of Qutar
Matchday 4: Firania vs The Islands of Qutar
Matchday 5: No Match
Matchday 6: The Islands of Qutar vs Language Teachers
Matchday 7: The Islands of Qutar vs East Lithuania
Matchday 8: The Islands of Qutar vs Pastorville
Matchday 9: Five Civilized Nations vs The Islands of Qutar
Matchday 10: The Islands of Qutar vs Liverpool England
Matchday 11: The Islands of Qutar vs Firania
Matchday 12: No Match
Matchday 13: Language Teachers vs The Islands of Qutar
Matchday 14: East Lithuania vs The Islands of Qutar

Cuation offer Sky Peaks For Match

www.Caticanofans.co.ct

The Cuation government wishes to offer Southern Island Peaks, a 40,000 modern stadium that is host to the Cuation home games. Outside runs a river which could be used to dunk in any hot heads that are not powerful enough to cause hellish pain to our security staff. The one concern for the local government officials on the southern island is that the old clock might be broken but it is doubtful any player will wish to boot the ball that high.

Wile we admit the place is small, we hope the offer will be taken seriously and that wherever the game is played, that it is entertaining for all watching.


Cuation in group 4!

This is how it will go, Cuation plays six teams home and away with the top two going through while the rest have to try and get into the Cup of Harmony, which might not throw so many upsets this time. The Cuation team come into this fresher then last time and four years wiser.

The KPB ranks have come out and have shown Cuation to be 55th best in the world, just one place ahead of Pastorville. We entered last time as BoF winners and 104th in the world with hopes of getting into the top hundred but after an erratic World Cup and a fourth place finish, we will look to keep in the top sixty this year.

In our group, according to rankings, we are the third strongest with no real chance of catching the top two but with no real challenge. However our last World Cup showed we are a team who relishes the big games but struggles to beat the lesser teams. It will not be an easy ride but our players should be glad for the fewer games.

Cuation vs Kudlastan(82) Matchdays: 1(h) and 8(a)

Enetered the last cup as 142th place and finished a credible seventh in group one. A tough game to start off with, we will have fight for the points. If we are to finish third, we have to gain at least four points. I think we will gain 2.

Kudlastan to finish 3rd.

Matchday 2 and 9 rest days

This will be helpful but we won't get points on these days.

Kaze Progressa(34) vs Cuation. Matchdays: 3(a) and 10(h)

Kaze Progressa where hosts for the last World Cup, 57th in the world at the time. Cuation have a chance, a small one but a chance, of nicking points. If the Cuation team raise thier game then they should get a point. Cuation will have to wear the blue kit in the away match.

Kaze Progressa to finish 2nd in the group


Alexandrian Ptolemais(209) vs Cuation. Matchday 4(a) and 11(h)

The White Shirts are unranked really but no doubt will be looking to cuase upsets and we are a team who tends to slip up. With a manager willing to change the team and formation, they will leave everyone guessing till the match line up is given. We should be too strong, six points

White Shirts take the wooden spoon.

Schiavonia(139) vs Cuation Matchday 5(a) and 12(h)

A new team, they where in group six of the Baptisim of Fire. They did well, getting to the semifinals before going out on penalties, they didn't take the 3rd place match seroiusly and lost so finished fourth. This team will create upsets but may find the step up hard. We will struggle but get four points

Schiavonia will finish 5th.

Rejistania(2) vs Cuation. Matchday 6(a) and 13(h)

Failed in the final in extra time, they will look to do one step better. 5th best last time, they would have been too strong then, they will destroy us this time. This is beyond even our habit for upsets, we will get no points

Rejistania to win the group by miles

Cuation vs Pyrologists911(184) Matchday 7(h) and 14(a)

This will be a good game to finish for us, hopefully we might have a chance of climbing up the group if we win. A new team, was placed in group seven of the BoF, the finished third so didn't go any further. We will no doubt slip up though hopefully not in our last game. Three points

Pyrologists to finish second from bottom.

Cuation finish?

Cuation seem to have a lot of away games to start with but perhaps the home games will give an advantange late on when the pressure mounts. The three new teams will find this group hard but will do well no doubt while two teams are far better then Cuation.

We will finish fourth as our inability to defeat the little teams hampers us and may see us struggle. To get third or to challenge for qualfication, we have to gain lots of points from the little teams and take points of the three bigger teams.

Dance 2 Return

Dance 2 Revolution return to the international stage in World Cup 26. Unfortunately, with the many years that D2R have stayed on the sidelines, the once #1 ranked side find themselves unranked, at the bottom of the pile.

The Revolutionaries have been drawn into Group 13 this time around. Unlucky for some...

The draw was as follows:

Cockbill Street (11)

A team in which D2R would love so much to defeat. In 5 previous meetings between the countries, there has only been one team coming out on top.


Recorded Previous Meetings:
Cup Of Harmony 12 (Day 1): Cockbill Street 1 - 1 Dance 2 Revolution
Cup Of Harmony 12 (Final): Dance 2 Revolution 0 - 4 Cockbill Street
World Cup 20 (Day 7): Dance 2 Revolution 0 - 1 Cockbill Street
World Cup 20 (Day 12): Cockbill Street 3 - 0 Dance 2 Revolution
World Cup 21 (GS Day 3) Cockbill Street 1 - 1 Dance 2 Revolution

P5 W0 D2 L3 GF2 GA10 GD-8


Eauz (19)

Another team in which D2R have played throughout the years. The records appear to show Eauz as the superior side by a slight margin, but obviously not the case at the moment as Eauz sit over 100 places above them in the rankings.


Recorded Previous Meetings:

Cup of Harmony 12 (Semi-Final): Dance 2 Revolution 2 - 1 Eauz
World Cup 17 (GS Day 1): Eauz 3 - 2 Dance 2 Revolution
World Cup 22 (Day 2): Eauz 4 - 2 Dance 2 Revolution

P3 W1 D0 L2 GF6 GA8 GD-2

World Cup 22 Reverse fixture does not appear in Revolutionary records


Elrich (56)

It appears in the records that D2R have never came across Elrich in their history. It does not look good for D2R, with an equivalent of over 150 places seperating the teams in the rankings.

Giant Zucchini (88)

The only team in which D2R has historical advantage over in this group, being undefeated in all 3 occasions these sides have met, a record in which GZ will be confident of stopping. GZ also hold a place in D2R history, being the first side to play them in a WC Group Stage round.


Recorded Previous Meetings:

World Cup 15 (GS Day 1): Giant Zucchini 1 - 1 Dance 2 Revolution
World Cup 19 (Day 1): Dance 2 Revolution 3 - 1 Giant Zucchini
World Cup 19 (Day 8): Giant Zucchini 2 - 2 Dance 2 Revolution

P3 W1 D2 L0 GF6 GA4 GD+2



Amorah (149) & Nezza (178)

Amorah and Nezza are both unknown quantities to D2R. The Revolutionaries will be hoping to collect wins againt both these sides, but will not underestimate them and know that they will give a hard test of D2R's character


The Draw:

[11] Cockbill Street
[19] Eauz
[56] Elrich
[88] Giant Zucchini
[149] Amorah
[178] Nezza
Dance 2 Revolution

Predicted Finish:

Cockbill Street
Eauz
Giant Zucchini
Elrich
Amorah
Nezza
Dance 2 Revolution


Next match:

Matchday 2: vs. Nezza (@ The iNSANE ArenA[PARANOiA UNiTED] {The City of PARANOiA, Qaliki, D2R}

D2R will be hoping for a positive, 3-pointed start as they entertain Nezza. This will probably be D2R's best chance of the entire campaign to pick up the points to avoid a humiliating first campaign back.

Tadjiks ready for WC26!

The Tadjiks were somewhat surprised when they saw their group, finding themselves as highestranked side. But apart from that, most fans believe this to be a good group, with a few wellknown opponents such as Rordia(WC25 MD4 & 13: 1-0 and 0-1 victories), Jeruselem (WC25 group stage MD3: 3-1 victory) and Artoonia(ages ago, Tadjik victory).
And as usual, there are some new names; Milchama, Race City and the unranked McPsychoville.

Here is what we expect from these teams:
Tadjikistan[9]: Doing better every World Cup and should be going to this one without problems. Anything below 1st position should result in spanking for the entire team.

Jeruselem[24]: They couldnt make it out of the WC26 group stage, partially the responsibility of the Tadjiks. But this time there is no Total n' Utter Insanity to get in their way, they should be passing to the next stage. Interesting note: their Coach is Guus Hiddinck.

Milchama[47]: First time the Tadjiks play against them, little is known about them except their long newspaper names and the fact they were 56th during World Cup 25. The only team, we believe, that can keep Jeruselem from qualifying and to do that they want to take points from us. But then they'll have to come up with a good strategy and with two coaches with different ideas, that may be a problem. Interesting note: They think they are the first team with two coaches, our own coaches, Rezvon and Bahrom Sadirov smile as they read it :Means they havent checked their opponents yet!

Rordia[106]: Noone expects them to qualify, with that big gap between them and thirdranked Milchama, but they shouldnt be neglected yet. The Tadjiks won with the smallest difference during the World Cup 25 qualifications against them and they made a huge jump from 168 to 106 on the KPB ranking list since.

Artoonia[159]: A side that went down like a brick since the WC25 qualifications, where they held 116th on the KPB ranking, they've been around for a while now but never seem to come out of the shadows. Definitly an outsider.

Race City[184]: Unknown to us and considered an outsider for qualification, but they shouldnt be too worried yet. They too can make a big jump in rankings if they do good.

McPsychoville: Unranked and unknown, the name of their nation sounds nice, but I'm afriad that will be all. they should (and will be) fighting for a decent ranking, they too are outsiders.

Offcourse history has shown that lowerranked teams can play a crucial role byt defeating higherranked teams and/or qualifying themselves. The Sadirov brothers will have to be careful and avoid taking unecessary risks. Everything is possible!

Fixtures:
MD1: Tadjikistan - Race City
MD2: Artoonia - Tadjikistan
MD3: Tadjikistan - Rordia
MD4: Jeruselem - Tadjikistan
MD5: McPsychoville - Tadjikistan
MD6: Tadjikistan - Milchama
MD7: /
MD8: Race City - Tadjikistan
MD9: Tadjikistan - Artoonia
MD10:Rordia - Tadjikistan
MD11:Tadjikistan - Jeruselem
MD12:Tadjikistan - McPsychoville
MD13:Milchama - Tadjikistan
MD14:/

Especially for this World Cup, with the Tadjiks leading their group(in ranking) all matches will be played in the Isserson Stadion in Dushanbe to honour Tadjikistans former national Coach Karim Isserson who passed away recently.

http://www.geocities.com/lifeobrien/bull.txt
Task is Clear in Group Ten

[12] Audioslavia
[17] Lovisa
[53] Tonissia
[102] Ariddia
[135] Legalese
[178] Thergo
[201] Havl

Matchday 1: Audioslavia vs Thergo
Matchday 2: Legalese vs Audioslavia
Matchday 3: Audioslavia vs Ariddia
Matchday 4: Lovisa vs Audioslavia
Matchday 5: Havl vs Audioslavia
Matchday 6: Audioslavia vs Tonissia
Matchday 7: Bye
Matchday 8: Thergo vs Audioslavia
Matchday 9: Audioslavia vs Legalese
Matchday10: Ariddia vs Audioslavia
Matchday11: Audioslavia vs Lovisa
Matchday12: Audioslavia vs Havl
Matchday13: Tonissia vs Audioslavia
Matchday14: Bye

Audioslavia manager Tarturo Magasara was upbeat after watching Audioslavia get drawn with two or three of the trickier sides in world football. Certainly the fixture list wasn't kind to the 'slaves, who have to start quickly before running into a group of difficult matches in the latter stages of qualifying, having to host two of the group's most dangerous teams, Lovisa and Leagalese, either side of a tricky trip to Ariddia. The 'slaves will definately need to take a four or five points from those three games as, on the last two matchdays of qualifying, they statistically can't make any more than three points, and probably won't even make that as they face what is statistically their second hardest match against Tonissia.

The matches of note for the 'slaves will have to be the away match with Lovisa on matchday four, which is statistically their hardest match. World Cup legends Ariddia will also draw a large crowd in the Silver Jubilee Stadium, but even the Ariddians will tell you that their team is just too weak this time out to cause too many problems to the top three sides. Indeed, there are only three sides in this group that are inside the NSWC top 100, and so, in theory, it should be plain sailing for the top teams, especialyl Audioslavia and Lovisa who are ranked 12th and 17th respectively.

It seems that pressure is on the two teams making comebacks to international football. With Ariddia and Legalese ranked outside the top 100 and not fancied by many, its up to them to salvage some national pride.

Elsewhere, not much is known about the two bottom ranked teams. Thergo and Havl are ranked 178th and 201st respectively. Although both sides are capable of taking a few upsets, neither is expected to qualify.

PREDICTION:
Lovisa
Audioslavia
Tonissia
Legalese
Ariddia
Havl
Thergo

The Rolatian Telegraph
Number one broadsheet since 1864
The draw for the World Cup is as follows:
[8] Turori
[26] Casari
[45] Yafor 2
[83] Swilatia
[120] The Kazoo Peoples
[184] Rolatia
Hiiraan
In related news, Rolatia will offer The Lion's Den (capacity 100,000) as the home stadium for the tournament. The Den is owned by New Millwall, reigning league champions and the top team in Rolatia, with 6 capped Rolatian internationals (and one uncapped), including top goalkeeper David Ramar and strikers Tedd Verres Oliver Morgan.
www.foxboys.rl
Webblog to the PM!
Crap, that could be better
Ouch. That's going to be a tough draw for us in the qualifiers. We have some very hard matches and opponents' Here's my brief analysis:
TURORI (8): Ouch. A top 8 team to face - that isn't going to be pretty for us. I predict a home loss and an away loss. If we can beat them or even tie with them, that's some achievement
CASARI (26): Possibly the only country we know much about. Their authorities organized the F1GP season 1, and we won it so we know a bit about them. At 26th ranked, I predict a home draw or loss, and an away loss - it's not going to be too good for us.
YAFOR 2 (45): What a double whammy. Redmofo United's playing one of their top team in the NSFA Cup, and we play them too. We could scrape a draw at home, and possibly away, but I'd be surprised if we get a win
SWILATIA (83): I don't know why, but I have a little confidence against these guys. Could take a win, or even a win and a draw on this one
THE KAZOO PEOPLE (120): The rising giants of football. We watched them finish runner-up in the BoF, and...well, I'll be happy if we get two points on this one.
HIRAAN (UR): Two games that are winnable - and we need to do so. The team better get 6 points here, or at least 4, or they'll show up as pretty much not much good and that's going to cause more problems domestically
than we need - ESPECIALLY in fucking Ranaria.

CONCLUSION: We've got to aim for at least 8 points in this. Our target is to not come bottom - if we come 4th, even better, and I'll be shocked if we come 3rd or higher. It's pretty much dead cert we're not qualifying though.

http://bellsouthpwp.net/h/a/harleyt_1387/bsd_banner.png

World Cup 26 qualifying: a bookmaker's outlook

HENDERSONBURG -- Usually, we here at the BSD give you the rundown of how we expect qualifying to turn out. Well, this time around we turn to the experts. Noted Hendersonburg bookmaker Ricky Stromboli gives us his take on the whole thing:

Key:
MD = Matchday
Brit = British (UK, traditional) odds
Euro = European (continental) odds
Amer = American (moneyline) odds

MD Brit Euro Amer
--------------------------------------------
1 Bedistan 1-80 1.01 -$8000
Draw 90-1 91.00 $9000
Cataduanes 500-1 501.00 $50000
--------------------------------------------
2 Anathematic Rep. 4-1 5.00 $400
Draw 3-1 4.00 $300
Bedistan 5-6 1.83 -$120
--------------------------------------------
3 Bedistan 1-50 1.02 -$5000
Draw 66-1 67.00 $6600
PopularFreedom 150-1 151.00 $15000
--------------------------------------------
4 Oglethorpia 7-4 2.75 $175
Draw 4-1 5.00 $400
Bedistan 5-4 2.25 $125
--------------------------------------------
5 United Island Emp. 10-1 11.00 $1000
Draw 7-1 8.00 $700
Bedistan 1-4 1.25 -$400
MD Brit Euro Amer
--------------------------------------------
6 Bedistan 1-10 1.10 -$1000
Draw 15-1 16.00 $1500
The Archregimancy 33-1 34.00 $3300
--------------------------------------------
8 Cataduanes 10-1 11.00 $1000
Draw 15-2 8.50 $750
Bedistan 1-4 1.25 -$400
--------------------------------------------
9 Bedistan 1-5 1.20 -$500
Draw 6-1 7.00 $600
Anathematic Rep. 30-1 31.00 $3000
--------------------------------------------
10 PopularFreedom 4-1 5.00 $400
Draw 13-2 7.50 $650
Bedistan 1-2 1.50 -$200
--------------------------------------------
11 Bedistan 1-5 1.20 -$500
Draw 10-1 11.00 $1000
Oglethorpia 16-1 17.00 $1600
--------------------------------------------
12 Bedistan 1-80 1.01 -$8000
Draw 90-1 91.00 $9000
United Island Emp. 500-1 501.00 $50000
--------------------------------------------
13 The Archregimancy 8-3 3.33 $233
Draw 9-2 5.50 $450
Bedistan 1-1 2.00 $100

Special bets:
Bedistan to go 12-0-0: 33-1, 34.00, $3300
Bedistan to go undefeated: 4-1, 5.00, $400

So there you have it, folks - looks like it should be a good run.

http://i16.photobucket.com/albums/b20/Casari/4sport.png

Usual analysis of World Cup opponents and schedule upcoming
Polls show this is the most exciting/boring time of the WC

Per the formula, Home fixtures in Navy, Away fixtures in Red, Byes in Gray.

MD1/MD8 - The Kazoo Peoples (120) - Should be a good game to start off with. Shouldn't be too difficult, and a good way to get in form for the tougher matches ahead.
MD2/MD9 - Swilatia (83) - The difficulty starts to ramp up a bit. An Away win would be ideal, but a Draw should suffice as long as we can get the win at home.
MD3/MD10 - Yafor 2 (45) - Hopefully, we'll be on a roll at this point and can catch the win at home.
MD4/MD11 - Turori (8) - We'll probably lose. Hopefully tie at home, and play for an act of god away.
MD5/MD12 - Rolatia (184) - We finish out with a break and the bottom two, which might make a difference if we need to do some table-climing as we have in the past on the final MDs.
MD6/MD13 - Bye (NR)
MD7/MD14 - Hiiraan (209) The last matches will be against unranked Hiiraan. Should give us some much-needed points.

It looks like an easy road for Turori and ourselves, but we'll only know once we pass MD4. We're stacked with home matchups in the first half, which could bite us in the end. But it's looking safer than it ever has.

Stars eager to do battle

After finishing World Cup XXV a disappointing fourth place and barely hanging on to the world's number one ranking, the team finds itself facing a draw Coach Barry Owens said was "potentially one of the easiest in the entire qualifying stage."

Don't tell that to goalkeeper and team captain Horace Sandt.

"Are you kidding me? That's precisely when things get tougher," Sandt said, sounding a lot more like a coach than a goalkeeper with a sterling record in World Cup competition. "We need to get out there and play the way we've always played, if not a notch better than we did last time out."

Of the teams in Group 1 for the Stars, the only team that most prognosticators figure to give the team trouble will be EL CID THE HERO, the team with the distinction of being the only team the Stars have faced in the past. Sarzonia and EL CID THE HERO played each other during the World Cup XXIV group stage with Sarzonia prevailing 1-0. Other than that, everyone else is relatively unfamiliar to the Stars.

"That's going to be the great unknown for both us and them," forward Brian Wilson said. "We're somewhat familiar with Apologetic Kittens because of their run in the Baptism of Fire Cup, but other than that, we're going to have to come ready to play on matchday and learn for ourselves what to do with our opponents."

If Sarzonia's previous history is any guide, they should sail through the qualifying stage and return to the World Cup finals, an event they haven't missed since World Cup XVIII, the first World Cup for Dave Wilson as the team's head coach. However, Owens isn't particularly happy with getting a bye in Matchday 14.

"We need to stay sharp and I don't want our fate decided by other teams. I want us to have the group title already in hand by the time Matchday 14 rolls around. Otherwise, we're going to be much too nervous going into an event we can't control."

Falcons face tough go at onset

If it weren't bad enough for Majeristan's inaugural World Cup football team that they were facing a group Coach Hatime Ra~e described as a "near Group of Death," the Falcons open their World Cup debutant campaign away to Oaker Sharks and host the group's highest ranked side, One Red Dot, in their first two matches.

"They certainly are going to give us another baptism by fire," Ra~e said. "We get two extremely difficult matches, how you say, 'right off the bat' in this World Cup. We could be buried before the World Cup is four matchdays old."

The Falcons are certainly not acting like a team scared out of its wits. They've been practicing "harder than I've ever seen a team practice," according to former coach Avid Mashoda, who has been hired as a colour analyst on Majeristani national television broadcasts of the World Cup. "They've been going at it hard in training. If hard work alone were enough, I thinnk they'd do fine."

But the team is facing a group with a team that appeared in a World Cup championship match [Oaker], a team in the top 15 in the world [One Red Dot], a highly-regarded side coached by a World Cup winning coach [Hypocria coached by Sarzonia's Dave Wilson], and a team that plays a system Ra~e should be extremely familiar with and in fact is named after that style [System Karela]. And that's just directly ahead of Majeristan.

"Our best chance at getting points will probably be System Karela," Ra~e said. "We might be able to steal a point from the Hyppos at the Hyppodrome, but the way Dave Wilson got those guys playing in the second half of the last World Cup qualifying stage, I'm not too optimistic that we can. I guess we'll all find out soon enough how we're going to do this time out."

For a team debuting on the world stage, the Falcons already have faced their share of controversy. Shortly after the team announced that Mashoda would return to the sidelines just weeks after his heart attack following the Baptism of Fire Cup, the team pulled an abrupt about-face, naming Ra~e and sending Mashoda home. The players were "livid" that the man who almost single-handedly built the programme would not be permitted to see it through, but a medical exam just days after the announcement showed that Mashoda was "a ticking time bomb" for another heart attack.

"I talked it over with my wife and, while I'm not happy with the way the Football Association handled it, it's for the best," Mashoda said. "Right now, I need to make some major changes in my life if I want to get back on the sidelines. Frankly, I'm too old. But I can make those changes if I want to live a productive rest of my life. I am in my seventies, after all."

COULD BE WORSE

Staybladia dominates group 7 draw, NMS will face determined charges from below for second spot

COMMERCE HEIGHTS - William Branstone took a week off from the current set of intensive practices to jet over to Commerce Heights to watch the draw and then take some badly needed R&R before beginning what promises to be a hectic pace in qualification.

"The draw is a lot better than what we could have been stuck with," said Branstone in a post-draw press conference. "That said, every mother's son in this group that's not wearing mauve will be gunning for our asses. No third place for us to sneak into this time. Gotta get out there and get it done or it'll be the CoH for us."

Here's our commentary on the opposition:

[3] Starblaydia - One team we weren't that keen on seeing here.
[49] The Lowland Clans - Fans will remember their visit to the Paladin Dome in CoH 16. The only opponent in this group that we've faced. Should be a pair of good matches.
[92] The Macabees - Determined up-and-comers very much ready to make a move or two. Upset potential.
[145] Southern Universe - Large area to draw talent from will probably not help them this World Cup.
[161] Dagabom & [205] Keyshona - We're just as clueless as you are. Someone care to help us out here?

"Not at all the same as last time," says Clément of World Cup 26

Star player Frédéric Clément and squad captain Ue Alt met the press following the annoucement of the group draws, alongside coach Adam Seul and "new kid" Cyril Lange.

"It's not nearly as bad as it could have been," Clément commented, seeming rather pleased with the draw. "Of course, we'll still be facing incredible odds as we try to qualify. But it's not at all the same as last time. This time round, we're not going to be expected to finish last."

Ariddia is the fourth highest-ranking of the seven teams in Group 10, a precarious position to be sure, especially with only the top two making it through.

"But not a desperate or hopeless one," team coach Seul insisted.

"At the very least, we hope to create a few upsets, and unsettle the top three," Clément explained.

The "top three" being Audioslavia, Lovisa and Tonissia, the latter being a staggering ninety-nine ranks ahead of the Rouge-et-Noirs.

"It'll be great to go up against Audioslavia," Alt said enthusiastically. "A touch of history. Of course, the odds won't be as balanced as they once were. But we expect it to be an exciting encounter."

Reporters then asked Lange how he would feel putting on the team's colours for the first time.

"Thrilled," twenty-year-old Lange said simply. "I can't wait to get started. I'm only scheduled as a replacement, though, and I can understand the more experienced players will be fielded in priority."

Lange declined to comment on whether he felt any pressure to live up to the legend that was his great-grandmother, West Ariddian football star Lily Mayantar-Lejeune (http://ns.goobergunch.net/wiki/index.php/Lily_Mayantar).

"I'm playing as myself," was all the young man said, firmly. "Of course I love Great-Granny, and I hope I can make her proud of me."

Ariddia's first match will be away in Tonissia, starting the competition with a tough challenge.

"It's better that way," Seul indicated. "We need a struggle for our opening game. It'll fuel us to keep going all the way through the Cup."

Ariddia offers neutral ground for religiously controversial match

AFA President Anna Teals (http://ns.goobergunch.net/wiki/index.php/Anna_Teals) today officially suggested that the Group 11 matches between the Archregimancy and the Anathematic Republics could be hosted in the PDSRA.

"We understand there's some religious reason why the two teams can't meet on each other's territory," she said. "Quite frankly, we at the AFA aren't entirely sure what the fuss is, but then I'm no expert in religious matters. If both nations are willing, the games can be played at Darras Olympic Stadium, near Rêvane. I'm sure many of my fellow citizens will come to watch."

Teals added that the AFA would not be offended should the offer be turned down.
"The tragedy that followed our encounter with Alasdair I Frosticus is still fresh in everyone's minds. So if the Archregimancy does not feel comfortable travelling to Ariddia, we fully understand."

Fbrenia braces itself for opening match

There was almost palpable excitement in the headquarters of the Asociación Fbreni del Fútbol, a smallish building next to a complete outdoor training ground, in a town in the suburbs of the Ariddian capital city, Rêvane. Several players of the Ariddian national team had joined their Fbreni counterparts to watch the draw and, seven minutes later, Fbreni team captain Diego Reyes walked outside to meet the press, accompanied by the team's coach, Mahad Dzinkambani, an Ariddian.

"We knew any draw would be hard on us," Reyes told the assembled journalists, his words translated from Spanish by an interpreter. "But that really doesn't matter. All that matters is taking part, and doing our best. For too long, Fbrenia has been unknown to the world. The plight of our nation has remained unknown. We're here now to represent all Fbreni everywhere, whether they be refugees living far from home, or whether they be still in our homeland. What we're doing probably isn't much, but we hope it's something."

The entire team, composed of only fourteen players, then posed proudly for photographs, wearing their dark green and brown suits, and holding a large Fbreni flag.

[url=http://ns.goobergunch.net/wiki/index.php/Fbrenia]Fbrenia[/i] is a country which has been without a government, and de facto cut off from the world, for decades. Its football team, obviously unofficial, have received training and equipment in Ariddia, and Fbrenia's home matches will all take place in Ariddia, Fbrenia itself being unsafe for travel.

The first home watch will not be before day four, when Fbrenia will take on Spaam in Ariddia's Stade National Rêvane-Sud. Before that, the small team will be facing the ultimate challenge on its first day, travelling to Krytenia, a team ranked tenth in the world and expected to top Group 2.

"We're actually very happy that our first game will be in Krytenia," Reyes said, smiling. "It was a Krytenian company, JMC, that designed our kits. That way we'll be able to show off their work to a Krytenian public, and show our appreciation. We're looking forward to going there. Hopefully it'll be a match to remember."

"We're doing what?"

"Sending a side to the qualifiers for World Cup 26."

"A side of what?"

Ruppert the Incompetent, Prince of the East Marches, throws up his hands in disgust, and turns to face his brother, the King. "Not a side of what. A side. A team."

"Alright, then. A team of what?"

"A team of footballers. It's a football competition."

"Football. Rabbits playing football? We're barely as big as the ball, Ruppert. What in the name of bloody blue blazes are you thinking!" The King looks...well, he does not look pleased - and his face is quite red.

"They're a bit larger than the average Very Angry Rabbit, brother. The boys over at the Academy of Science and Rubbish Removal have been tinkering a bit with genetics. They've come up with a 6 foot tall white rabbit - we've put together a side of them."

"And just what is this cuppy thing, then? And watch that familiarity, Rup."

"The World Cup? It's the most prestigious international sporting competition in the world. And why shouldn't I be familiar with my brother? Take that stupid crown off, and I'll show you a thing or two."

"Don't you touch me!"

"We've hired on Otto Matic to manage the side."

"The same fellow who managed our hockey team? Are you daft?"

"Well - the field wasn't all that big. How many rabbits do you know who even know what football is, much less how to manage a team?"

"Hmmm...okay, but have Harvey keep an eye on Otto. I want weekly reports on the teams progress."

"Not a problem. I'm off, then."

"Ruppert, you've been off since we were kids."

The Wentland team were enjoying the facilities kindly laid on for them by the Squornshelous FA. Top class hotel, training pitch, gym and health club. "I could get used to this," remarked Stan the Man. "Bit different from back home."

However, there were a-doin's a-transpirin'.

As the squad warmed up for another training session, team physio Kris Byrne noticed a familiar figure by the car park entrance. He excused himself from the session and met The Man With The Times.

"OK, what is it this time?"

"Byrne, you know how you got this job. We need someone above suspicion to meet with our contacts in the outside world.

"There is an underground sect in Wentland devoted to the overthrow of democratic government. We are undertaking an operation against them.

"You will make contact with our representative here in Squornshelous who has discovered some useful information. With our laws we cannot access certain accounts, but we can do so under cover of various, um, friendly countries.

"We do not know what the information is but you will be able to smuggle it back in your kitbag.

"Your contact will speak to you with the code-word 'albatross', and you will respond with the code-word 'seagull'. The contact will then give you the information - or where you can collect it.

"And remember who is paying you."

The Man With The Times sidled away leaving Byrne in a state of confusion and apprehension. He trotted back to the training session where fortunately attention had been distracted by rabbits doing rabbitty things and an irate manager trying to get the squad interested in training again.

Sea Dragons Schedule Announced

This is Kellan Kildan of the ASMV Football News Network.

The schedule for the WC26 qualifiers has been announced and It saddens this reporter to view what can only be deemed as a deliberate attempt to make sure the rankings hold true throught all the groupings.

Let us look more in depth at Group 3.

MD 3 & 10 - 7 TnUI. Geez! Two WC qualifiers and we will see these guys four times between them. Expect us to play them very tough again - 2 one point losses last time around. But also expect to see no better a result. No points here.

MD 2 & 9 - 28 Spruitland. The Wabbits will be looking to return to form and should easily wrap up the second position. If Spruitland plays to its potential, the top two sides will move easily through the group.

MD 1 & 8 - 45 Lethisslavania. In a group of unknowns to us, this will be the key matches. If we can break out of the 2-1 loss curse, pehaps we can split with this squad. At least one point would be nice.

MD 7 & 14 - 161 Errinundera. Another squad unkown to us. Rank says this should be an easy 6 points, But anyone who knows our luck will think better before putting money on that fact.

MD 4 & 11 - 184 Dehny. What can we say. Stranger things have happened to our squad than losing to drastically inferior opponents. Should be 6 more in the points collumn.

MD 6 & 13 - UR Very Angry Rabbits. Psychology may be an issue when the squad faces off against 6' tall white rabbits. Though it wont last. A clean sweep of this one.

And finally'
67 ASMV Sea Dragons. Somewhere someone placed a curse on our squad to play tougher opponents to 2-1 losses and also to struggle against inferior ones. Nothing as of yet to say things have changed. But at least we dont have to face RyokoDaitoKazanNampo thi time around.

Projected finish: Exactly the way the rankings have it.

See what i mean?

This is Kellan Kildan signing off.

World Cup Preview


Has it really been four years already? Well, yes. Yes it has. And after coming close in the last campaign the Hyppos are once again set to compete for one of those two elusive and coveted places in the World Cup finals. The draw has been made and while some of the top ranked teams can seemingly already book their tickets to Commerce Heights or Oliverry after some less than challenging groups us poor mid-table bastards have a much tricky task ahead.

Group 12 is where the Autocracy finds itself and Hypocria’s finest will have to be on top form to overhaul at least one of the two higher ranked sides in the group to claim a place in the finals for the very first time.


The Teams

One Red Dot (15)

The silent but deadly One Red Dot have seemingly been around forever (from World Cup 4 in fact) and are a frequent competitor in the final stages without having made any real impact. On the plus side the hosts of World Cup 10 are one of the lowest ranked of the top group of seeds. So it could have been much worse.

Oaker (18)

Dave Wilson was rightly proud of leading the Hyppos to AOCAF glory but it still fell a long way short of his greatest sporting moment, which came when his Sarzonia side lifted the greatest prize in sport at World Cup 22. Their opponents that day, Oaker. The Stars famously trounced Oaker 4 - 0 in the final but Wilson’s Hypocria side have not been so fortunate. The coach will certainly be looking for improvements after home and away defeats to the Sharks in the last qualification campaign.

Hypocria (40)

The mighty Hyppos. A scribe from the Archregimancy once wrote of “Hypocria's past record of having everything go wrong at the worst possible moment or having everything go right only after it's too late”. Never have truer words been written of the Hyppos. But after the confidence boost after winning the AOCAF hopefully Dave Wilson’s charges can find some consistency.

System Karela (74)

The lunatics are certainly running the asylum in this haven for the crazy followers of Karela. I think it’s fair to say that in a nation that champions the little used 10-0-0 tactical system, System Karela are quite possibly the most boring national side in this or any other world. They won’t qualify but they can certainly bugger things up for everyone else.

Majeristan (149)

The first of three Baptism of Fire competitors that complete the group. The Falcons started the BoF well, finishing on top of Group 1, but failed spectacularly in the second round. Majeristan are well organised and have recently appointed an experienced Rejistanian coach which could help them become the Group’s dark horses. They also fancy their chances of getting a point at the Hyppodrome. We’ll see.

Palacetonia (178) and Hurleyland (201)

The remaining two side managed a single win between them at the Baptism of Fire and will be engaged in their own private battle not to finish rock bottom of Group 12. If we don’t pick up 12 points against these whipping boys we don’t deserve to qualify.


Predictions

Optimistically

1: One Red Dot
2: Hypocria
3: Oaker
4: Majeristan
5: Palacetonia
6: Hurleyland
7: System Karela

Realistically

1: One Red Dot
2: Oaker
3: Hypocria
4: System Karela
5: Majeristan
6: Palacetonia
7: Hurleyland

The Schiavone Scribe
REJIS RETURN

Schiavonia will return to Rejistania, host of their controvertial Baptism of Fire campaign, during qualifying for World Cup 26.

This is bad news for Michael Ford, head of the SFF, as he tried to sue the nation during that tournament, only for his lawyers to talk him into backing out at the last minute.

Ford was at the draw, which took place in an secret location somewhere in Commerce Heights last night. His reaction afterwards was not exactly an over-enthusiastic one.

He fumed, "We have to go there again? I said during the cup there that I don't want to go to that god-forsaken place again in my life, and in a one-in-fifteen chance, we only go and pull them out."

We are expecting there to be fireworks when the two sides actually meet on matchdays two and nine, and for the tension to mount between the two. "Of course, we'll be doing everything we can to annoy them as much as we can," Ford continued. "We hate the way that they try to influence the way people think in more that suspicious ways."

Anyway, here's our review of the whole of the group which Schiavonia have drawn in Group 4.

Rejistania (World Ranking: 2)
This team will undoubtedly beat Schiavonia twice, considering their past record in World Cups. They've won the tournament four times. However, as much as we tolerate just about anything here in Schiavonia, mind control is not one of them. God gives us the right to make our own decisions, not these children of the devil. I hope they lose every game they ever play. Especially against Schiavonia!

Kaze Progressa (World Ranking: 34)
The weakest ranked team from pot two who are only so far up the rankings because they made it to the finals last time by hosting. Which means that they are not the force they used to be a long time ago. Still, they are more of a force than Schiavonia. Will probably make it an all-FIFA 1-2, but with the mindbenders, not Schiavonia.

Cuation (World Ranking: 55)
Did well for a squad of first timers last time out, and are now knocking on the door of the world's top fifty. A team Schiavonia will be looking to emulate this cup, but they will have improved further and will be better than us. Could even disrupt the FIFA two at the top, unless we could maybe talk them round into moving to FIFA and settling down here. I mean, it's more homely than the South Pacific, everyone knows each other and kinda get along. Usually. Unless they're mindbenders.

Kudlastan (World Ranking: 82)
A second cup entry for Kudlastan. We don't know much about them, but we would like to think that Schiavonia could have a couple of good days against them, and maybe get some kind of result. Doubtful, though.

Schiavonia (World Ranking: 139)
This is us, officially the fifth-strongest team in the group. In which case, anything above a fifth-place finish is a cause for celebration, while anything below won't be too grand.

Pyrologists911 (World Ranking: 184)
A team that was also in the Baptism of Fire with Schiavonia, but who didn't do quite so well. To quote Jeremy Jaffacake, the esteemed Audioslavian journalist (surely senile old gobshite: ed) "Nice name for a nation. Newt time I see a policeman, I'll set him on fire and call him 'Spain'." Unfortunately, won't be setting the footballing scene alight. Not other than in literal terms, anyway.

Alexandrian Ptolemais (World Ranking: Unranked)
The only team in the group not to have played in a WCC recognised competition before, and a late entry to the World Cup. Will have made minimal preperations for this tournament, so luckily we will play them early on in the competition before they get going. That's if they get going.

Also worth noting is that this is the only group in which none of the teams will have to travel to Atlantian Oceania. Except we know that the Rejistanian's don't particularly like playing teams from Atlantian Oceania.

Anyone fancy moving for a couple of days when we play them?


Fixtures:

MD1: Kaze Progressa [Away]
MD2: Rejistania [Home]
MD3: Alexandrian Ptolemais [Away]
MD4: No game. Stay at home and watch TV.
MD5: Cuation [Home]
MD6: Pyrologists911 [Home]
MD7: Kudlastan [Away]

Fixtures are reversed matchdays eight to fourteen.

Meanwhile, The Schiavone Scribe has put it's neck on the line to predict the fortunes of the teams in group four, especially our beloved Sloths.

Final table prections:

1st Rejistania
2nd Cuation
3rd Kaze Progressa
4th Kudlastan
5th Schiavonia
6th Alexandrian Ptolemais
7th Pyrologists911

Schiavonia's record prediction: 3 wins, 3 draws, 6 defeats, 12 points.

WENTLAND TIMES WORLD CUP PREVIEW - FIRST DRAFT

And now for Group 8, dubbed the "Group of Hell" for it being the most difficult of groups. Unfortunately, we're in it.

Squornshelous - ranked 4 in the world

The absolute veterans in the group, a perennial World Cup fixtrue since iteration 5 and three times semi-finalists. Only a penalty shoot-out prevented them from lifting the trophy back in 15.

Last time out they reached the semis and narrowly lost to eventual winners Starblaydia. They somewhat stuttered through their finals group, having qualified with ease, with a couple of draws, and then relied on penalties to reach the last 8. Very tight defensively, conceding but 10 goals in their qualifying group, but they do not need many chances to score. We'll be lucky to avoid humiliation against these guys.

Nedalia - ranked 35 in the world

If there was any luck in the draw for Wentland it was only having one qualifier, rather than the normal 2, in the group. But given that the "second" qualifier is seeded to be Nedalia, such luck is Pyrrhic, to say the least. The Lions came within a whisker of making it to XXV, missing out by 2 points to former winners Eauz. Their one Finals appearance came in XXIV, but althoguh they finished on zero points they were not disgraced and are a most promising outfit, improving as time goes on. Sneak a point at home? If we're lucky?

Harlesburg - ranked 39 in the world

And having had one team narrowly miss out on qualification last time, we face a second. Harlesburg were a mere point behind Oliverry, with a far superior goal difference, in XXV quallies and can consider themselves unlucky not to have made the Finals stage. Their most recent appearance was in XXIII, where a win over Svecia was insufficient to see them progress into the next phase.

Nanakaland - ranked 59 in the world

If we are going to cause a shock, perhaps it will be against Nanakaland? Perhaps unlikely, they were solid if unspectacular competitors in the past two World Cups and didn't really look like qualifying, but again they are an improving team. Their defence was very strong last time out as they had a fundamental tactical re-think after leaking goals in XXIV's qualifying. Perhaps Frankie T can bamboozle their back line. Whatever's the case, if the Wents are to do anything in these qualifiers, the games against Nanakaland will be crucial.

Bazalonia - ranked 126 in the world

It was evident given the seedings that we would face one team from the Baptism of Fire, and Bazalonia was not particularly one we would have wished to face. They looked confident on the international arena and their professionalism and preparation showed Wentland the way forward.

Maybe there will be an intriguing mini-battle in the group, as moving up the rankings will involve trying to finish as high as possible - and possibly obtaining a spot in the Cup of Harmony. But picking up points home and away against them will be a more realistic, if challenging, target.

Collonie - ranked 184 in the world

Not much we can say about them, fellow newcomers to the World Cup. The Eagles did not even make it as far as the Baptism of Fire, although their smart old-school JMC-produced green kit is a stylistic triumph and has been welcomed by traditionalists. Beating them will be imperative for the good of Wentland football.

The KaMaRi Update

Orange-Blues have new coach
Seletarakeledira Hanselijimijile is the new coach of Rejistania. The Seleken, who before coached the Krytenian team Avidia City Football Club was considered better qualified for the position than Scott Walker from Cockbill Street or Tuade Lue. "Walker'he was just too extremist in what to archieve and he misses the insight in the Rejistanian mentality. The same is to a certain amount true for Lue'he also the simulations of Siki showed that the tactic of choosing mostly legionaries and Commurejistanians is 'dominated by the other tactics' as Siki expressed it." The coach with the long name will be a challenge to reporters all over the world: The editor of the Sikenian Daily introduced the nickname "Han'he", but since the lawsuit is still pending, we are not sure wether we can use this nickname.


Qualification group announced
The Orange-Blues will attempt to qualify in Group 4. The teams in this group are:

Rejistania, ranked 2nd: Are in a phase of reorganisation and slight dekarelisation. They will most likely win the group despite that.

Kaze Progressa, ranked 34th: our friends from FIFA are not quite as good as they used to. They will fight with Cuation about the 2nd qualification spot.

Cuation, ranked 55th: Have a slim chance to qualify if the decline of the Progressan team continues.

Kudlastan, ranked 82nd: will land somewhere midtable, most likely behind the new team Schiavonia

Schiavonia: Hint: the Sch is pronounced like a rejistanian X. The big unknown factor in this group. The BoF-semifinalists might not qualify but despite that play well enough to cause some upsets.

Pyrologists911, ranked 184th and Alexandrian Ptolemais, unranked: will end dead last.

Parid Daily-News-Subjagation-Update-Dispatch-Express-Telegram

Sports Section

Collonie get ready for second (first) World Cup game

The Collonie Flying Eagles are getting ready for their first world cup apperance. Last World Cup they were entered into the draw but right after the first match our glorious leader King John Fishhook soured on the idea of Collonie and when he got a glorious oppurtunity he pulled them out. Now he has again been warmed on the idea and will let the Flying Eagles play again. Of course he still hasn't realized that they are favorites for dead last in their group and might not get a win but we're not going to tell him. Anyway onto the predictions:

Group 9
[4] Squornshelous- They also played Milchama in their first qualification attempt and won twice. Probably the same result here.
[35] Nedalia- Good team that has had trouble recently, including not qualifying to the last world cup. They are desperate to make amends and probably will.
[39] Harlesburg-They have a very decieving ranking. Have not qualified for either of the last two world cups despite their high ranking. Will still beat Collonie handily.
[59] Nanakaland- Another mostly silent team. They have never qualified for a World Cup. Although they are still a dangerous team to Collonie. Maybe we can pick up a draw here.
[126] Bazalonia- Unfortunately we did not really look into who did what in the BoF Cup. We think they were runners up or something. That puts them in a good position for this cup. Still won't do anything special. We should be able to at least get one draw against them.
[161] Wentland- Their reports are mostly funny and somewhat informative although they did do poorly in the BoF. Hopefully we can get some points off them maybe a win.
[184] Collonie- A team that clearly has bad luck. We probably get the worst draw, as there are no teams ranked worse than us in our group. Will most likely finish last but hopefully can at least get some victories and try to salvage some points and maybe get one win.

The Enlightener: today's weather - meh...
http://i6.photobucket.com/albums/y231/bettia/FAB.jpg

Aroras Hoping For A Qualified Success

Well here it is folks... World Cup fever is upon us again and Bettia's heroics in Kaze Progressa and Audioslavia are naught but a distant memory. The draw for the qualifying stages of World Cup 26 has seen our boys drawn into Group 14 - The Enlightener's sport's editor Tom Walkinshaw reviews their chances.



Another World Cup, another double-figured qualifying group... and an intriguing one it is too, in as much as we have never met any of our opponents before now. First up for our lads are The Ardenne (ranked 155, 0.88 points) - on paper we couldn't have wished for a much easier start to the campaign, and Bettia's attacking prowess really should be too much for these new boys to handle. However (and this is a massive HOWEVER), tradition dictates that no matter who we're playing, Bettia always (or nearly always) draw their opening match. Last time round, it was a 1-1 draw against the much-stronger New Montreal States. Lets hope for better this time.
Prediction: the Aroras could come away from their opening match with a less than ideal draw, but we'll thump them in the return leg.

Next up is a trip to Da Whoseline People (ranked 76, 4.89 points). As mentioned before, Bettia have never played this nation, although they did face their masters Tonissia in the last qualifying campaign. The scores? Two hard-fought, single goal victories. Could the Aroras emulate this feat?
Prediction: the away leg could be a potential banana skin, but we should beat them in Grappenhall.

Our third opponents are also the third seeds in the group, the very useful-looking Praying2God (ranked 43, 12.13 points), who face a daunting task at the ever-impressive (and loud) Stamping Ground. The Warriors missed out on the finals last time and they'll be looking to improve on that. Bettia will have to be at their best to gain maximum points from these fixtures.
Prediction: being optimistic here... a home win and an away draw.

After that comes a very stern test and the opponent of most interest in this group - our Atlantian Oceania rivals Fmjphoenix (ranked 13, 37.48 points). The top seeds in the group are also the favourites to top it and Bettia will have to keep things tight at the back (something that doesn't come naturally to the Aroras, despite the best efforts of Mr Takil) if they are to gain anything from these guys. The home match is being hosted at the Stadiwm Bettia, so you can count on a terrific atmosphere to help the Aroras along.
Prediction: a home draw, followed by a narrow defeat away from home.

Matchday Five sees Bettia facing World Cup veterans Tanah Burung (ranked 161, 0.75 points). Many years away from the footballing scene have left Tanah Burung loitering with intent near the bottom of the barrel, and although we may see better things of them in the future, it's hard to see our two matches turning out in any other way than two wins for Bettia.
Prediction: sheesh, I just told you - two wins.

The matchday after that (cunningly titled 'matchday six') sees Bettia face an altogether different kind of opponent - the nation of BYE. Not much is known about BYE - what tactics will they use? What colour do they play in? Is it even worth bothering to turn up? The FAB don't seem to think so - they haven't even allocated a venue for these matches.
Prediction: meh.

The last of Bettia's opponents are newcomers Basicota (ranked 205, 0.13 points). To be perfectly honest, it's difficult to see this team as anything more than the gorup's whipping boys. They certainly won't be helped by the white-hot atmosphere of the Al-Fath Stadium.
Prediction: anything less than two comprehensive wins will be disappointing.


So thats the opponents covered, how about the group itself? To be honest, it's very easy to see qualification go according to ranking. Of course, the Aroras bucked that trend by finishing unbeaten ahead of Krytenia, so Praying2God have be regarded as dark horses in this group. We can also expect Da Whoseline People to cause one or two upsets along the way. The most crucial part of the campaign will come on Matchdays 10 and 11, when Bettia face two consecutive away matches at Praying2God and Fmjphoenix. Our results here will go a long way to determining whether we make the short hop over to Commerce Heights or Oliverry in a couple of weeks time. Also, the final matchday sees Fmjphoenix's second bye - how will this affect the final outcome?

This group could go any way... but when the smoke clears and all is said and done, it really should be the Aroras and Vikings battling it out for top spot.

Of course, our eyes won't solely be on Group 10. Nedalia have an excellent opportunity to make up for their WC25 disappointment, being drawn as second seeds in Group Nine along with Squornshelous (who Bettia would have faced in the semi-final if Starblaydia hadn't halted our march) and Harlesburg. Hypocria face a slightly tougher task in Group Twelve with One Red Dot and Oaker, but the potential is there for them to cause an upset. Krytenia are in for an interesting time with Spaam, The Weegies and fellow AOians Hockey Canada. On the other hand, Bedistan already seem to have Group eleven sown up before it even starts - indeed, bookies are taking odds on them finishing with a 100% record.

So, what more is there to say other than... LETS... PLAY... FOOTY!

FIXTURES / RESULTS

MD01: .............Bettia vs. The Ardenne (Shubunkin Park, Akani Sands)
MD02: Da Whoseline People vs. Bettia
MD03: .............Bettia vs. Praying2God (The Stamping Ground, Lorshill)
MD04: .............Bettia vs. Fmjphoenix (Stadiwm Bettia, Gabalfa)
MD05: .......Tanah Burung vs. Bettia
MD06: ....................BYE
MD07: .............Bettia vs. Basicota (Al-Fath Stadium, Sukatra)
MD08: ........The Ardenne vs. Bettia
MD09: .............Bettia vs. Da Whoseline People (Campus Ground, Grappenhall)
MD10: ........Praying2God vs. Bettia
MD11: .........Fmjphoenix vs. Bettia
MD12: .............Bettia vs. Tanah Burung (Stadiwm Bettia, Gabalfa)
MD13: ....................BYE
MD14: ...........Basicota vs. Bettia

thsd:NEWS

Group Of Unusual Injury

Group 2
[10] Krytenia
[27] Hockey Canada
[48] The Weegies
[61] Spaam
[155] Northern Voobaha
[184] Fbrenia
[NR] FSX

ANTE up for the Aces, as they look at a very competitve qualifying group for the Centennial World Cup. The Aces have some sort of connection with all the sides bar FSX, having either played them (Hockey Canada, Spaam, The Weegies) or had JMC ship out kits to them (The Weegies, Northern Voobaha, Fbrenia).

With only two sides qualifying from the group, The top four sides in the list will be going tooth and nail at each other - and let's not completely count out our baby blue bretheren from Northern Voobaha; hell, with those JMC jerseys, at least they'll look stylish in defeat if nothing else.

In other news, Avidia City's new manager, Rob Gier, has suggested that Seletarakeledira Hanselijimijile should take the nickname Seletao'he in the Rejistanian press. The manager is well-known by the Seletao soubriquet in the United Provinces, and the word is close to the Portuguese for "selector", a very apt name considering his job.

And finally: FSX?

SCHEDULE:
MD1: H v FBR ????? (Isserson Stadium, Everton City, EC)
MD2: A v NVO ?????
MD3: H v SPA ????? (Mercia Stadium, Bromham, CP)
MD4: A v HCN ?????
MD5: A v FSX ?????
MD6: H v WEE ????? (Isserson Stadium, Everton City, EC)
MD7: BYE - NO GAME
MD8: A v FBR ?????
MD9: H v NVO ????? (Lays Road Ground, Leston, LS)
MD10: A v SPA ?????
MD11: H v HCN ????? (Isserson Stadium, Everton City, EC)
MD12: H v FSX ????? (Walton Gardens, Simpson, OU)
MD13: A v WEE ?????
MD14: BYE - NO GAME

"The bribe worked, then?"

"Not the bribe, sir, but the blackmail did the trick. It's amazing what you can do with this new technology."

Satan smiled. The idea of turning a conversation with one's secretary about the state of the local side's defense into a passionate love affair was a new one to him, but people were doing amazing things with computers these days. Hell was going digital, and Satan was starting to like it. After all, it had managed to get the draw rigged to put him in the same group with those monks, hadn't it?

He picked up the phone to contact Coach Filon.

"Morseley, Demon Dispatch, how can I help you?"

"Wrong number."

"Have a truly wretched day, sir. Enjoy your hemorrhoidial swelling."

"...I don't have hemorrhoids."

"Whatever." And Satan was, yet again, disconnected. He tried again."

"Coach Filon?"

"He's at practice right now, sir, would you like me to fetch him?"

"I'll wait. Have him call me back."

"Absolutely."

Satan grinned. He had other things to work on - securing tickets for the Archregimancy match chief among them. He started making a few calls and trying to find who he could bribe or blackmail into yielding up some tickets...

Hiiraan Drawn in 6th Group, NFFH delivers apology to Oliverry.
By World Football Reporter

Møgädishu, Šomaliø - The Team has been training ever since the knew for sure they were headed for the world cup. As time gets closer, the players have been more active and preparing for the ultimate change in their morale. either a big fat zero lose or a big fat congratulations from their fellow citizens.

The National Coach, Mohamed Luure of Hiiraan was watching worryinly as Hiiraan was put in group 6 yesterday. "I was quite relieved" he told reporters in in the National Stadium. "We not only got a perfect group to have a chance on, but we got a one day relieve."

Spectators also cheered on as the Groups were announced and Hiiraan favorably was put in to the best group possibly. "Considering our chances" said one of the teams #1 supporter "I think we have more than a chance to land 4th place, or for god's sake, even qualify at our first return"

On the Other hand, National Football Federation of Hiiraan(NFFH) has said that it has send out a formal apology to the Football federation of Oliverry. In news reports, the NFFH was quoted "We believe that the actions of Mr. Luure were incorrect, from this point on, The NFFH shall deliver all challanges for the National team" The World Cup Reporters cannot verfy the authonticity of the qoutes.

Predictions, Predictions, Predictions
By World Cup Reporters

Many of you masy guess, Is this another prediction? Reporters Guesses? well, to be frank, Yes, this is another Prediction and Guessing Report. To start out, We should list in all the members of Group Six.

Turori
Casari
Yafor 2
Swilatia
The Kazoo Peoples
Rolatia
Hiiraan

Hiiraan's Opponents During this grueling qualyfying chance would not try to pass out Hiiraan easily to the second round or even qualify, but as always, Hiiraan will try its best to try to defend against every goal and every team. Before we even go on, We must set aside the #1 team in this Group, Tutori who will without a shadow of doubt win this group with great ease.

The First match Against Hiiraan shall be Rolatia, who we have the greatest chance to tie or win. This game will be labeled Win because of the closeness of the game, if Hiiraan by any chance looses this game, it will be obvious that Hiiraan will not win any other game in this group.

The Second opponents who will shall face are the Kazoo Peoples, who by any chance have the most advantage, as new to the the world stage of football, they have proofed themselves in the BoF and are obvious winners in this game, We shall labeled this win a Lose for Hiiraan.

The Third game will be against a Yafor 2, a team that is not wide known, Hiiraan has many chances to score in this game and we can see Hiiraan winning this game, but we are not totally sure here, so we shall label this game a Tie. The chances of Yafor 2 will depend on how they do in the former 3 games, if they are tough enough, they can easily win this game and no one should count them out.

Our Fourth Game is an obvious lose, Hiiraan does not have any will nor chance to stand up against one of the best teams in this cup, the predicted winners of this group will easily trump Hiiraan and leave vicotrious in this match.

Hiiraan's Fith Game, Against Swilatia will be just like the game against Yafor 2, swilatia can decide its own destiny, as can Hiiraan. If Hiiraan is on track as predicted, they will have greater chance to win this game, but Swilatia can be an obvious trap for Hiiraan, and it as said, it will depend on how wants it more. I put my chips for Hiiraan to win this game.

Hiiraan's 7th Match will be thrilling one. Casari, Who have been the world's most potentially adequate team will by no means lose this game, the have the players, they have good manager and Hiiraan, will in fact lose this game.

The Next 7 matches will turn out to be fun, bu Hiiraan will have many chances, as we have said on many of our other puplications, Hiiraan has a potential to do good in this group and it will depend on how their players, their coaches and the fans support the team. With all of this said, we leave with *** Good Luck ***

“Jemmy Button, Jemmy Button. Come in Boat Memory.”

“Boat Memory present.”

“Password?”

“Come on, Clive, we don’t need to bother with all that.”

“Password??”

“Oh, all right. Grunties.”

“Thank you.”

“So what have you got for us?”

“Well, as instructed, we’ve looked through all their past records, to see whether there is anything we can see.”

“And?”

“Well, they’ve got a new keeper. Relying on him to take them into the future.

“We have to watch Corona, their left-back. Very pacey. Very good crosser. You know about Lamm, of course. We’re gonna have to have the twins work overtime to cope with them.”

“Lamm? But he plays for…”

“Yes. Their midfield is very, very strong. Nene is a blimmin’ genius, there’s little he can’t do. I just wonder whether they over-rely on him at times. He drops back to get the ball if they’re not up to whack.”

“But…”

“Conteras is their new bug up front. Mint domestically. Our best hope is perhaps freezing him on the international stage. Maybe Gus could do something? I don’t know if he’s used to big burly full-backs with yokelish accents.

“And if they take him off and put on Mattan, well, you know his fuse is shorter than a bedbug’s thingy. Gus could wind him up well and truly.”

“Hang on…”

“Shush, I’m on a roll.

“I think they have a weakness. They don’t seem to cope too well under pressure. Look what happened in the Cup of Harmony. They swept through the first round, six against The Maccabees, 5 against Chicanada. Highest-ranked team through the groups. But lost against Cuation even though on paper they were much better. Couldn’t take a penalty, they seemed to collapse. If we keep our composure and press them they could lose their heads.

“And they were only in the Harmony because they bottled their qualifying group. With a game to go they were out. Losing to the smaller names. They were great against the big teams, but could not cope with the smaller ones. They should have qualified, on their ranking, but instead were a rather poor fourth.

“Maybe if we switch our formation. A 4-5-1 could block off their flank attacks whilst giving us the flexibility to have a couple operate in the hole. Attacking midfielders to feed off a big centre-forward. What do you think?”

“Um, I think you should have done a scouting report on Squornshelous, rather than Nedalia, we are after all playing them first.”

“Yeah, but what’s the point? Would cost a few bob. And we’re gonna lose that anyway.”

***

Edgar Bluff put down the phone. Well, he thought, that was not much use. For now, anyway.

Edgar Bluff picked the phone back up and called home. Having dialled in the 15 digits necessary his son answered. "Hello?"

"Son, it's me."

"Blimey, dad, it's 4am here. What's up?"

"What do you know about Squornshelous?"

"Um, no more than you, I suppose. Nicknamed the Pschychoes. No idea what that means, though. Generally quite an attacking side."

"Yes, they have that 4-1-2-1-2 formation. Maybe we should use our flanks to outwit them."

"You're being optimistic, eh, dad?"

"Well, son, we lost in the BoF on head-to-head results. I wonder whether we should go to score a couple if we can even if we go down heavily. I don't think we can hold them back, even with a defensive formation, so let's try to get a couple. Not optimism, but just to give us a bit of hope."

"May be worth a go, dad. The twins on the overlap?"

"Yes, Ronnie's got a shot on him so he might come in useful for that. Big Gus will stay back. Maybe he will scare a couple."

"I don't think they scare easily, dad."

"True. They scare me just looking at that kit. But fingers crossed. If we can emerge with some pride..."

"Dad, I'm not the Press. Anyway I need some shut-eye. Zams tomorrow."

"Zams?"

"The coaching exams, you know, the ones you put me in for?"

"Oh yes. Well, good luck."

***

Edgar put down the phone again. Not much help there.

About the only thing left was to pray for a miracle.

And you know what?

It WORKED.

There was indeed a miracle.

A piece of toast popped up in the team breakfast the next morning with a burn mark in the shape of a thermos flask.

Maybe it was an Omen.

"No," said Kasper the Psychic, "it's definitely a thermos."

The Bazalopes finally arrived at the Nedalian Hotel that they will stay for their World Cup Encounter with the number 35th ranked team. They had a terrible flight in the plane first of all the planewas delayed, they had to make an emergency landing and wait for a replacement plane at ... well they are not quite sure where they landed. and then their connecting plane to Nedalia had taken off leaving them behind. However due to the office staff at BFSA a workarond was discovered and over the next 6 hours they had finally arrived in Nedalia. The team was tired and exxhausted after that... however they where lucky... It was 7pm local time so they manage to totally ignore any jetlag.

The next morning after a refreshing sleep the coaching team gave the team a quick pep talk. "We are proud of alll of you, you have done your nation proud in the Baptism of fire... And as the coaching team, we think that you will continue to do so... No matter what rankings are involved we still have the opportunity to control this game. Go in their do your best.. never let up.. Always make the opposition work. If you do that then we'll be very proud of you no matter the outcome.".. The other coaches agreed... Then they went to the stadium to get some practice in before the match.

Matchday 1 scores (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showthread.php?p=10255642#post10255642) are now up.

A family was watching the BazSports Television Channel which in Southern Bazalonia was finishing it's broadcast Bazalonian-Rules Football... A game that only the Southern Bazalonians thought more important than the Soccer World Cup. The match ended with the team the family was Barracking for loosing 88 to 124 points. As the game ended the logo for the 26th world cup appeared on the screen and a announcement "We now bring you BazSports live coverage of the 26th Soccer World cup." The screen swapped to the Television commentary team in the Nedalia Lions home stadium.

"At this time we would like to welcome Southern Bazalonia to the live coverage. It is just 20 minutes remaining in the match and so far it is 2 all draw." Commentator 1

"I am surprised at the effort that the Bazalopes have put in by all measures this should have been a slaughter. But the Bazalopes have kept the Lions wound in. So much for the Predator and the Prey scenario involved with the animals."Commentator 2

"Yes.. So am I...But now Midfielder David McMahon has the Ball and quick passes it towards Peter Hobble a man who scored Bazalonia's first goal in this match and who was the star forward in the Baptism of Fire Tournaments." Commentator 1

"The pass had gone wide and ended up with Mohammed Khadra, the Lion's Defender..." Commentator 2

"He is making his way towards the Bazalonian Goal... A couple of tackles made by midfielders Johanes Bask and "Benny Boy" Peters go miss their mark as the passes it up to left winger, Nene. Nene is a dangerous player who has been managed to kept fairly well under control this match so far." Commentator 1

"Nene seems really determined like he is saying Bazalonia.... What's that?... He is making progress deep..." Commentator 2

Unfortunately due to a Thunder storm in the area the power went out... the family where not able to see the result for another 4 hours. Bazalonia had lost to Nedalia 3:2....

In Nedalia there was a post match press-conference, with Caine Hawdon, Malcolm Frost and Jayne Heart the coaching team for the Bazalopes.

A Bazalonian reporter for Bazalonia Today stood up and asked "What do you make of the Performance of the Bazalopes against Nedalia?"

Malcolm frost answered this question... "We are very pleased with our team, even though we lost, against a side like nedalia a 1 goal margin was much less than we expected. We feel that the team has finally melded into a cohesive unit and we have high hope for the future of Soccer in Bazalonia."

"Can you reveal anything about the surprise installed at TeleBaz Stadium?" asked a Nedalian reporter...

"No." stated Caine... "It's a surprise... Just wait till our next match at TeleBaz stadium which will be against 4th ranked Squornshelous. You'll see."

Alexandria Times-Tribune-Post-Gazette-Chronicle-Journal-Enquirer

Sports Section

Thibault fired and 5 NMSers die in post-match riots

The on edge Milchamians exploded today after their football (soccer) team lost in a GAWD AWFUL! defensive performance 6-3 to Rordia. This horrible performance from a seemingly uninspired team and coupled with poor coaching at points combined to get former and now again U21 coach Patrice Thibault fired after one game in charge. Former Coach Thibault said, "I don't think I should be fired after one bad game but we played horrible today and while I don't think they deserved that result, we did nothing to stop their offense and probably to lose." As for the riots fuck those crappy NMSers trying to ruin Milchama, they deserve to get injured.
Now onto the match where we will mysteriously not talk about all the Rordian goals:

First Half: 2nd Minute: The Warriors off to a flying start. Looks like their new lineup is working beautifully. Flinters over to Kilinin back to Sanchez, a new starter, Sanchez now passes it into to Neilson who heads it to Floren WHO HEADS IT IN!!!!!!!! 1-0 Milchama. Sanchez already paying dividence good choice there by Thibault.
9th Minute: Rordia barely able to make the clearance by Marcazumi gets the ball on the wing. He passes it forward to Spot Nielson. Nielson comes forward shakes one defender out of his boots and passes to Floren who passes it right back to Nielson on a give and go. Nielson has beaten his man AND THE KEEPER ITS 2-0 MILCHAMA!!!!!!!!!!!!! You could not have asked for a better start to this game 2-0 and we're not even 10 minutes in.
20th minute: Rordia now with the ball. X finds Y in the wide open in the middle and Y HEADS IT IN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! 2-1 Milchama. The Rordians starting to attack.
30th minute: X goes down the wing for Rordia. Finds central midfielder Q who sees Koolerc out of position and shoots! Koolerc gets the save BUT GIVES UP A REBOUND AND Y POUNCES 2-2!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Rordia eqaulizes.
40th minute: Now the Warriors get back on the attack. Flinters over to Kilinin who goes wide to Faren who crosses no wait that's a shot and the keeper was confused AND ITS IN!!!!!!!!!!!!!! 3-2 Warriors lead!!!! Nice play there by Faren.

The second half had Fairbanks being horribly outcoached. Kyoga Marcazumi being outplayed to allow three goals on the left. He was replaced with Milckey and the only goal after that was a lucky PK.

Le quotidien de Marshalliston, 6 Janvier 2016
New coach for the Oliverrian National Team!

Jonathan Fairbanks, the former Milchaman coach, just found a new team to coach. The Association Oliverrienne de Soccer and him agreed to a contract which will not be made available before the end of the 3rd day of matches in the qualifications. "The only problem now is that he doesn't know enough French. We'll be helping him with his French. 3 years should be enough for him to be understood by his players." Jimmy Lejenue, AOS's president told us. The coach will also be the manager of the team, which means that he will choose the players that are part of the formation. "Players should not be very confused as this coach is very Takilan." After a little research, Takilan means "Attack-minded", this word formed after the very attack-minded Rejistanian coach's name Laxtu Takil, which also formed the word "System Takil". Whether the formation will be a 3-3-4 or the usual 2-3-5 is still an unanswered question.

Jean-Roger Crisse-Ciboire

Qutar Sports News Network

Good Morning Qutar, we bring you live to the first ever World Cup Qualifier for our nation, today we face Pastorville ranked 58 in the world, just under 50 places below us, so this match is going to be a test a character for the Qutari players. Now we go live to the, well I'm sorry but I haven't been provided with the Stadium name, in Pastorville. The players are coming out onto the pitch now, and they line up for the singing on the anthems. Pastorville stadium roars out their anthem, but with the large away fans in the crowd we made just as much noise with ours. And the game is about to begin.

It looks like Chris Saunders has won the toss, and Qutar are going to start the match off. Well Thomas starts making his move forward, unopposed with only one striker and two midfielders, well you certainly never see that formation back home. He's moving forward and he gets past the Reverend Carlson, but he has seven defenders in front of him, as Ali and the midfield catch up, Thomas waits for the support, and starts moving again toward goal, Reverend Anderson moves out to tackle him, but Thomas gets the pass to Tomlin, who sees Ali making a run, passes it to him, but the Reverends Johnson and Williams block out the pass. I can see what the problem is going to be, getting past that wall of defenders isn't going to be easy. Reverend Williams is moving up the pitch with three of the defenders, leaving three behind to cover, but Parker takes possesion away, and breaks through with Ali, Thomas and Tomlin in support, clever move by Qutar here, its four on three, as Parker passes to Thomas, who sees Ali make a run into the box, he gets it over Reverend Paulson, Ali latches onto it and heads it towards goal, but Reverend Smith tips it onto the crossbar, oh so close there! Its gone out for a corner, which Tomlin will take, he gets it in, but only to meet the head of Reverend Anderson, but he can only head it as far out as Chris Saunders who rockets in a shot, but oh! Just over the bar, he had Reverend Smith beaten, but just couldn't keep the shot slightly lower. We're about half an hour into the match now and Qutar really need to figure out a way past the defence, its just like hitting a brick wall, they just can't get past it, and Pastorville haven't left a gap on the counter since the first one, oh hang on Ali is making a run through, he's easly through the midfield, but now the hard part, oh he's got past Reverend Paulson, past Reverend Allen, oh he's past Reverend Douglass, and he's on goal, Reverend Smith comes out, but Ali gets the shot, oh it hits the post and is cleared away by the defence, he had the keeper beat, but not the post. As we near the end of the first half, Paul Dove is really going to have to do something to the team, aside from the handfull of attempts on goal, Qutar has been unable to break the defence, oh there the whistle goes now, I wonder what Paul Dove is going to say to the players.

Welcome back, the second half of this match is about to start, and I've just got word that there has been a change in the Qutar team, Dominic Kelly the defender has been taken off in favour the striker Tom Siese, and Qutar are adopting a 3-4-3 formation. I thought Paul Dove might do as much, getting a more attacking edge, as the midfield has shown the ability to deal with the counter attack, the defence is not so much needed. The teams have come out now, and Pastorville will start the second half off.

Pastorville start the half off, and cautiously move forward but Chris Saunders moves in to tackle Reverend Harris, and steals the ball off him, and he moves up with all three strikers ahead of him; Ali, Thomas and Siese, and with Tomlin and Parker either side of him, he's got support, but the wall of defenders is waiting for them, and he passes to Tomlin, who lobs it over the pitch to Parker, who gives it back to Chris Saunders, who spots Thomas making a run, he passes to him, and with one touch Thomas gets it to Ali, who goes for goal, he shoots, he scores!! Qutar are... oh the linesman has got his flag raised for offside, lets check the replay, yes unfortunatly offside for Ali, brilliant move by the Pastorville defence, all moving forward at the same time, shows you why they're ranked 58th in the world. Oh well free kick to Pastorville, the Qutari players are looking disheartened as despite their best efforts the Pastorville defence is holding steady. Paul Dove in on the touchline shouting at his players, trying to encourage them, but it looks like the fourth official is telling him to get back in his dugout, he's not looking too pleased. Again things are looking like the first half, we're eighty minutes into the match and the defence has held strong, but after a strong tackle by Reverend Allen, for which he recieved a yellow card, Chris Saunders has been injured and Olliver Smith has been sent on as his replacement, and the captains armband has been passed to Ali. With a free kick just outside the box and a direct kick awarded this could be the best chance of the second half, it looks like Gordon is lining it up, but Tomlin is also looking to take the kick, and its Tomlin who runs up for the kick, but he jumps over the ball, as Gordon runs in to take it, and its beaten the wall, but what a brilliant save by Reverend Smith, just tipping it over the bar, its gone for a corner, and it looks like this will be the last play of the match, and everyone has come forward for the corner, including Stone, Tomlin will take the corner, he floats it into the box, and Stone gets his head to it, but it just goes wide, and the referee blows his whistle for full time. Qutar's first World Cup Qualifier has ended in a goaless draw, and I would say it was a good performance against a team ranked 46 places above Qutar.


Pastorville 0 (0) - (0) 0 The Islands of Qutar

Yellows: Rev. Allen

THE ARCHREGIMANCY BRINGS YOU

WORLD CUP TONIGHT

With Fr. Nicholas the Scribe and Fr. John the Golden-Throated


"So... Fr. John... there's a lot we have to catch up with on tonight's show..."

"Absolutely, Fr. Nicholas. What, between the World Cup draw, the Anathematic Republics controversy, and last night's opening match against Popular Freedom, there's a huge amount to cover."

"Where would you like to start?"

"How about the Qualifying draw? That's your specialty, after all"

THE QUALIFYING DRAW

Group 11
[5] Bedistan: The overwhelming group favourites. If gambling wasn't such a sinful activity, the 33-1 odds offered by Bedistani bookmakers on an undefeated qualifying campaign would look very attractive. Realistically, a home draw against the favourites would be considered a success - but don't forget our surprise 3-1 victory over Rejistania in WC25. We are capable of an upset.

[36] Oglethorpia: The Ostriches are our main rivals for the second qualifying spot, and it's going to be close. Only two ranking spots separate our two teams - here's hoping they keep their heads in the sand, and we sneak past.

[38] The Archregimancy

[60] PopularFreedom: I still have concerns about whether this nation's apparent insistance that freedom derived from populist democratic principles should take precedence over submission to the Holy Church - but then no one expects them to qualify anyway. But as last night's events proved, they can still present a banana skin - no one should understimate them.

[158] Anathematic Republics: The spawn of Satan. The worst heretics in the history of the Orthodox Church. To even comment on them would be to give them a respect they fail to deserve. But I for one would have thought Arius' painful death from an explosion of the bowels would have been enough to teach at least one squad member never to tackle the Orthodox on their own turf again; as one contemporary source wrote:
It was then Saturday, and . . . going out of the imperial palace, attended by a crowd of Eusebian partisans like guards, he [Arius] paraded proudly through the midst of the city, attracting the notice of all the people. As he approached the place called Constantine's Forum, where the column of porphyry is erected, a terror arising from the remorse of conscience seized Arius, and with the terror a violent relaxation of the bowels: he therefore enquired whether there was a convenient place near, and being directed to the back of Constantine's Forum, he hastened thither. Soon after a faintness came over him, and together with the evacuations his bowels protruded, followed by a copious hemorrhage, and the descent of the smaller intestines: moreover portions of his spleen and liver were brought off in the effusion of blood, so that he almost immediately died. The scene of this catastrophe still is shown at Constantinople, as I have said, behind the shambles in the colonnade: and by persons going by pointing the finger at the place, there is a perpetual remembrance preserved of this extraordinary kind of death.
Served him right, too. Look for a repeat of this sort of divine punishment when the teams meet in qualifying.

[184] Cataduanes: Don't know much about them, but they're probably heretics, heathens, and sinners.

[209] United Island Empires: Cannon fodder


THE ANATHEMATIC REPUBLICS CONTROVERSY

"Thanks for that round-up Fr. Nicholas... now.... on to the Anathematic Republics controversy."

"Well, Fr. John, I think the Holy Synod's spot on, don't you?"

"Absolutely. Under no circumstances should we allow the Satanically-inspired eternally-tormented heretics and sinners into our Holy Monastic Republic. Equally, we shouldn't be expected to put our immortal souls into peril by being forced to travel to Hell for the away leg."

"So what do you suggest?"

"Well, Fr. Nicholas, we're looking for a neutral venue. At present, Ariddia seem to be the only nation to have volunteered. While I'd normally be cautious about supporting an idea from communists and militant atheists, Ariddia are one of the few ordinary reality nations to have friendly relations with our political masters in the Holy Empire - the WC 25 plague notwithstanding - so we may accept the offer if nothing more attractive is forthcoming"

THE ARCHREGIMANCY V. POPULARFREEDOM

"And finally, Fr. John, last night's match against PopularFreedom"

"Ouch, Fr. Nicholas. Ouch. The Lord our God seemed to be punishing us for the sin of false pride overnight. How else to explain spotting our opponents a 2-0 lead at home? Let's look at the highlights...

Confidence was high after we finished as runners-up in the Cup of Harmony, but within five minutes of the kick-off a miscommunication at the back led to a sloppy back pass from Fr. Dmitri, and before Fr. Justinian could react, an opposing forward ghosted in and slipped it into our goal.

That really punctured the lad's confidence, and after 17 minutes it was even worse... 2-0 down from a penalty and down to 10 men after Fr. Michael the Greater was sent off for an innocuous tackle outside the box. From the looks of things, Satan's hand isn't limited to the Anathematic Republics.

The lads just about held it together until half-time. At that point Coach Kyrill, Metropolitan of Solovetsky, reorganised the team's formation into his favoured - if slightly unusual - Trinitarian 3-3-3 formation. And that's when the revival happened.

62 minutes in, Fr. Basil the Faster outran the opposing defence, and scored his first international goal following this rapid counter-attack, and lovely through ball from captain Fr. David the Water Drinker.

71 minutes, and it was 2-2. Another counter-attack, this time with Fr. Silouan scoring, and Fr. Constantine the Learned supplying the through ball...

And 2-2 is how it ended, thanks be to God"

"So, a lucky escape, Fr. John?"

"Indeed, and let that be a warning to the team not to take any team for granted. God won't just supply us with the victory just through our devotion alone - we have to play like we mean it, and for 45 minutes last night we played worse that Arius after a bowel movement"

Hans Kahn looked over to Otto Mannerheim, and then looked back over the team. He had been passing the game over through his mind and studying the three goals that had been marked on him by The Lowland Clans. It had been a good game, nonetheless, and the Macabee National Team had avoided a much feared shut-out, putting them in a position where at least they were not witnessing a major debacle at the hands of someone who was no doubt more experienced than them. Kahn approached the foward, which had led the game with the first Macabee goal at minute '17, "We did good today, don't you think?"

Mannerheim looked back and chuckled, "We did a good job at loosing. That's what I think." He laughed for a second and then went on, "But no, I get what you're saying. Yea, we did good; at least we scored." He took a look over at Paulus, who had scored the second goal, and then looked back at Kahn, "And you did a fine job yourself, mate."

Kahn crackled and retorted, "Why thank you!" He hadn't done a bad job. Had he done worse he would have probably been replaced by Derik Vander, who was his haughty contender for goalkeeping. Derik Vander had almost made a name for himself after Kahn had been sacked for his horrendous defeat at the hands of Crendonia, in the Baptism of Fire, prior to World Cup 25, but Vander had had his fare share of losses as well, and after putting Kahn back into the game the team had seemed to done much better in the latter parts of the cup. Now, the managers and coaches thought it would be a good idea to start off with him again. Kahn had to keep it up if he didn't want to be sacked. He sighed and said, stupid pressure.

They made their way into the locker room, leaving the expansive field behind them, and the guys began to take off their shirts, preparing for the shower. Fedor Bietz, the unfortunate bloke who shared the surname with the rebel general, now trapped between the River Nestor and the Imperial army, cheered, "Thank god that match is over." Others gave out laughs, or praises. They completed showering and redressing within twenty minutes, and by then they began to step out and head over to their bus, where they would meet with the Head Coach, Leo Benz. Mannerheim said before reaching there, "Ready for a beating?"

But he was incorrect. Upon their arrival, Benz was silent, but once the automobile began to move he began to speak, "Good job today boys." There were a few low cheers rippling across the bus, but Benz went on, "Not a bad game. A loss was to be expected. Unfortunately, that loss has put us tied for fifth place; sixth, whichever way you want to look at it. Whatever. Tomorrow we play Starblaydia. I can already predict the results. Put up as much of a fight as you can and try not to give up to many points; we can use the smallest goal difference we can possibly get. Our task isn't to qualify, it's to gain experience so that we may qualify in the next world cup. Hard pressing our opponents is the only way to gain experience. But, alas, I think you all know what to do."

Johan Mier, a defender, asked, "Hopefully, if we're better than Dagabom we can pull a two to one." He grinned, but nobody really got the joke. He was always a nerd.

Benz rolled his eyes and said, "Sit down. New Montreal States will be tought, I can guarantee you that. But they shouldn't shut us out, nor should they gain a large lead. Mier is correct. If Dagabom can get out with a two goal difference, we should get better. But it's really up to you guys. Good shooting."

Mannerheim nodded, and the others turned to pay attention to him. As team captain, and one of the most respected players in the nation, he always received the attention he deserved. He said, "Tonight, we'll have to go through all the plays. I don't want to see this team lose bad. We have a right to advance through the ranks. We're a damn good team." The others murmured and appraised. Their moral was up, but was their skill?

Matches
The Lowland Clans [3-2] The Macabees
The Macabees vs. New Montreal States
Starblaydia vs. The Macabees
The Macabees vs. Dagabom
Bi-day
The Macabees vs. Keyshona
The Macabees vs. The Southern Universe
The Macabees vs. The Lowland Clans
New Montreal States vs. The Macabees
The Macabees vs. Starblaydia
Dagabom vs. The Macabees
Bi-day
Keyshona vs. The Macabees
The Southern Universe vs. The Macabee


Region 7 Pts W D L GF:GA GD
1. Starblaydia 3 1 0 0 2:0 2
2. The Lowland Clans 3 1 0 0 3:2 1
New Montreal States 3 1 0 0 2:1 1
4. Keyshona 0 0 0 0 0:0 0
5. The Macabees 0 0 0 1 2:3 -1
Southern Universe 0 0 0 1 1:2 -1
7. Dagabom 0 0 0 1 0:2 -2

"This is 67Sports, your home for coverage of the Paladin's World Cup 26 campaign. I'm Natalie St-Vaillier, with Andy Thomson. We're here at the Stade Guillaume Bédard in Acadie, where a squad from Acadie Heights has just finished a 2-1 injury-time win over Southern Universe. We're about to cut over to Phillipe Jean-Baptiste, interviewing coach William Branstone in the locker room. Phillipe?"

"I'm here, Natalie, and it ain't pretty, let me assure you. Branstone is not happy about the sloppy start the Acadie Heights team made, and even less happy about losing forward Jerome Moreau for the remainder of qualifiers - although the loss created the injury time for the Paladins to score the second goal."

"Sort of a trade-off, then, Phillipe?

"You could say that, Andy. Here's Branstone on the defensive performance in the first half."

Branstone: "I'm f*cking ashamed to be associated with the way we played for the first twenty minutes. That was NOT a defense that had any business being in the World Cup. They played like the spaghetti I had for lunch today - limp, sloppy and not very satisfying."

"And here he is on the fifteen-save job by keeper Brendan Matthews."

Branstone: "Once you guys get your bloody recorders out of my face, I'm calling the Patriarch of New Montreal. Playing the way he did (Phillipe: That's six saves during those twenty minutes, Andy.) with the defense stinking it up like a pile of dirty jockstraps has got to be some kind of miracle. Honestly, I don't even WANT to think about the score if he hadn't been holding down the fort for us back there."

"Matthews had no comment for the press. Branstone also commented on Moreau's injury after he evened up the game right after the start of the 2nd half."

Branstone: "I mean, the core of this game, is that shit happens. Moreau was the heart of this offense, and we need to do heart surgery on this team now. But we've got a while to do it in, and I've got faith in this bench. These guys got where they are now on depth, and they can cover it."

"That's about it, guys."

"Thanks, Phillipe. For Andy Thomson, I'm Natalie St-Vallier, and we'll see you at the next Paladins match, at The Macabees."

"The monks still not happy?"

Satan leaned back in his chair, watching the demon he had assigned to monitor the situation sweat bullets.

"Well, no, sir, but we're going to take them to court over it, and..."

"TAKE THEM TO COURT?"

Satan leapt from his chair, furious. "Oh, so issues of deep theological meaning get to be judged by Hizzoner Such-and-Such of the minor court of some mortal nation without any stake in these issues at all?"

"That...that..." The demon stuttered for a whole minute before ending. "That's one way you could take it, sir."

"Your ass, and the rest of you, is fired. Get lost. You're teaching Goering and Himmler rabbinical law for the next 200 years, you hear?"

"Yes, sir! Thank you, sir!" The demon sprinted from the room. Satan thought for a moment, then picked up the phone.

"Morseley, Demon Dispatch Service, pike off! I'm watching the football game, and it's in injury time with us holding a 0-0 draw against the second-ranked team in the group."

Satan was taken aback. "That's today?"

"Yes, you blazing idiot, it IS today, and Oglethorpia's on the attack! Call back in ten minutes when it'll be over." And Satan was, once again, disconnected.

He even waited ten minutes before calling back.

"Morseley, Demon Dispatch, it's a beautiful day, ain't it?"

"The draw held, then?"

"Yep."

"You're now running the football program. I need you to get me some people into the Archregimancy for the match there."

Morseley thought for a second, then said: "Okay, I need 500 succubi, 1000 United Island Empires jerseys and money for tickets."

"It's yours."

And with that, Morseley unceremoniously disconnected the line again, leaving Satan wondering why in hell he had done what he just did.

“I’m Tony Rosenbaum and you’re watching the Daily Sports Update on KNS, Kericia’s most watched news network. My good friend Will Blackthorn and I will go over the top sports stories of the day in Kericia and beyond, and you’ll get to see some exclusive interviews with sports superstars. Today, we’ll be previewing the 26th edition of the World Cup, as well as reviewing the opening match between Kericia and Apologetic Kittens.”

Will: “So Tony, now that the World Cup draw is over, what do you think of Kericia’s chances?

Tony: “I’d have to say… NOT A CHANCE! We’ve been in this thing four times, and what exactly have we accomplished? Nothing!"

Will: “So what if we haven’t qualified yet! We’ve been close pretty much every time, and this draw is in our favor. If we can beat EL CID and maybe luck into a draw with Sarzonia, we’re in.”

Tony: “So if they tie Sarzonia they make it? Well what if they tie the Apologetic Kittens, do they make it then too? If they can’t even beat a bunch of kittens, how do you expect them to make it to the next round?”

Will: “It was a fluke match… Well anyway, if Kericia doesn’t qualify again, what are the chances Coach Friske gets the boot?”

Tony: “I would say 80%. KIFA has been pretty conservative in firing coaches considering how crappy the team is done, but unless ol’ Friske can make some miracles happen, I think he’s out. And frankly, he sucks. He looks absolutely clueless out there.”

Will: “I disagree with you; I think it’s 100%. I hate to say it, because I think he’s a good coach, even though you hate him, but the heads at KIFA are getting a little impatient with him.”

Tony: “Okay Willy-boy, it’s time to put your money where your mouth is. How’s Group 1 gonna pan out?”

Will: “Number 1’s easy, Sarzonia could go undefeated. Next, here’s the shocker… Kericia qualifies for the first time, baby –

Tony: “HOMER!”

Will: “Yeah, yeah. EL CID gets third, and I honestly don’t care about the rest.”

Tony: “No way. EL CID finishes second. There’s just not that many upsets in the World Cup nowadays.”

Will: “Aw, c’mon, you have to be a little optimistic, Tony! Well whatever. On to today’s match in Burnaby against Apologetic Kittens. It was not a pretty match, to say the least. The Kericians came out with guns blazing, with several shots in the first couple minutes, but those danged kittens stymied any and all attacks they threw at them. Finally, in the 39th minute, Cooper Brehm broke the ice with a shot just under the crossbar to make it 1-nil. It would be a defensive struggle from then on, with some kitten scoring with only 7 minutes left in the match, and the game ended as a draw. So, what went wrong?”

Tony: “Hmm. What a start, eh? I would have to put this one on the offense. I mean, this team was put together to score, even if they give up some goals. And I mean no disrespect to the Apologetic Kittens, they’re a solid team and all, but this is unacceptable.”

Will: “At least the team gets a day off to think about their loss. That’s it for the Daily Sports Update for today, but don’t worry, we’ll be back to discuss Cherry Cup 18, Kericia's first foray into the Champion's League and interview national team coach Robert Friske, that is if he doesn't kill himself first. Goodnight!"

The Kazoos, after an arduous plane ride (see story below), found that they had been drawn into a tough Group 6, with 4 top 100 teams, 3 top 50 teams, and one (GASP!) top 8 team. The Kazoos, riding high after finishing second in the Baptism of Fire and being ranked 120th in the KPB World Ranking, now face a tough task ahead: advancing to the knockout stage.

"Well, all I know is that we have to make up for lost time," said Manni Aka, coach of the team, "so that means, 17-hour practices until the World Cup, starting right now," as he proceeded to lead his team in a series of running, passing, dribbling, shooting, and goalkeeping, though amidst grunts and groans.

"I mean, for God's sake, the man's nuts," exclaimed Midfielder Perknowleski, "it's 3 A.M., and he expects us to practice," his face contorted into a state of pure concentration, apparently adding 17 to 3, "...'til 8:00 PM? CRAZY!"

However, Melvin Hermville, midfielder/forward, said that he "liked the practice," after the long plane ride. It "got my legs goin' again," he admitted.

---
Kazoo Peoples plane gets lost; citizens embarassed (well, maybe only one citizen)

A wrong turn off the tarmac of Reijistania (excuse the spelling) led the Kazoo Peoples national team on a wild goose chase trying to find the host nations of WC26, Commerce Heights and Oliverry.

"Well, you see this thing here," Captain Fred Fairplay asked, pointing to a large, hulking morass of wires, metal, and lights, "that's our state-of-the-art On-Board Computer Navigation System, or OBCNS. I type in a destination," he said, motioning to a very sleek keyboard, "and it plots a course for me, projects it on this screen here," pointing at a very snazzy LCD screen mounted from the ceiling, "and I just have to follow the arrow," pressing a intensively complex pattern of buttons, knobs, and switches to display a yellow arrow.

"With this equipment, how did you get lost then?"

"I inputted the destination: 'O-L-I-V-E-R-R-Y H-E-I-G-H-T-S.' The yellow arrow was shown, and I was on my way. About 26 hours into the flight (we were on a new KazooAirTransportCraft A960, allowing for 36 hours of flight), I saw the familiar skyline of Kazoo City. Oh, how to be home at long last! Then, I realized, we're not going to Kazoo City... we're supposed to be going to Oliverry Heights! The arrow directed me to a remote airstrip.
"I made the landing, and inquired of a friendly receptionist of a nearby building, and asked her who owned the landing strip. She said that this was the landing strip of the company that manufactures the OBCNS.
"I went to the building, and asked them to take a look at the OBCNS, and they found nothing wrong with the hardware, so they checked the software, and that was good. They asked me what I typed in, and I said 'Oliverry Heights.' They looked at me in shock, and began to laugh.
"'You dummy! There's no place called that! You're either going to Oliverry, or to Commerce Heights; both are hosts for World Cup 26, not the combination of both.'
"I replied, 'Well, aren't they joint hosts?'
"They said, 'That doesn't mean you make a hybrid of the names.'
"As it turned out, if I had made the right input, Oliverry was one-half hour by plane and Commerce Heights, only 25 minutes away from Reijistania. Instead, we had to make another 26-hour journey back in the vicinity of Reijistania. We stopped for fuel in the area of the Trimuda Berangle, where 130 planes and ships have disappeared over the past 3 years. We made it out alright (or so I thought), until we made it (finally!) to Commerce Heights, who asked where we had been for the past week.
"'The past week? We've only been gone for about 53 hours, significantly less than a week,' I said.
"'You left Kazoo City a week ago; no one's heard from you since,' said they."

"So what happened? Where'd you go for a week?"

"I don't know."

"'There is a fifth dimension beyond that which is known to man. It is a dimension as vast as space and as timeless as infinity. It is the middle ground between light and shadow, between science and superstition, and it lies between the pit of man's fears and the summit of his knowledge. This is the dimension of imagination. It is an area which we call ....... the Twilight Zone.' Sound familiar?"

"Um, no."

"Yeah, me neither. So, um, thanks for your story, and um, we'll see if we can get this in the papers."

Outraged citizen B. Izzotche shouted to anyone who would listen, "This is why we need more money for schools. Come on, a pilot relying on a computer for navigation, because he doesn't even know where he's going? It doesn't make any sense at all! More funding for geography! More globes! More maps, more overhead projectors, more geography competitions! I don't care what it takes, I want our children to learn about our world!"

Her complaint was generally ignored. Few people looked at her strangely, still fewer half-listened, and only one intently listened: her cat, Mittens.

"What do you think Mittens? Do you think my message is coming through?" she was heard to have said.
---
Kazoo Peoples apologize for being late

The Kazoo Peoples later apologized for being so late to the tournament, stating that:

"We know both Oliverry and Commerce Heights are nice people. So hopefully, they won't punish us too much."

[[OOC: I'm sorry for not getting all of this out in a timely fashion. I've been terribly busy with mid-term exams. I should be better in the coming days.]]

---
Odds Announced; Kazoos chance of advancing slim

Oddsmakers in the main gambling city of Monte Carlico announced their odds for teams advancing to the knockout stage. The top two teams advance.

They were as follows:

Turori 5:2
Casari 7:2
Yafor 2 12:1
Swilatia 24:1
The Kazoo Peoples 80:1
Rolatia 400:1
Hiiraan 1000:1

As you can see, Turori and Casari both look like strong favorites going into the Cup.

"Both are high-ranked, and I don't forsee any upsets on who will advance. Though I must say, I haven't heard from Turori at all in the month proceeding this tournament. Are they even here? This scares me some, and I might downgrade my predictions and odds as time wears on."

---
Order of Finish Prediction

We project the Kazoo Peoples to finish fourth, above Swilatia. Fresh off of their successful BoF, this team has the momentum to place above some higher ranked teams. We predict two wins against Hiiraan, a win and a tie against Rolatia, a win and a tie against Swilatia, a tie and a loss to Yafor 2, a tie and a loss to Casari, and two losses to Turori, giving a projected total of 16 points (4-4-6).

---
Qualifying Schedule (UPDATED THROUGH MD1)

Group 6
[1] Turori
[2] Casari
[3] Yafor 2
[4] Swilatia
[5] The Kazoo Peoples
[6] Rolatia
[7] Hiiraan

Matchday 1:

HOME AWAY
Turori 4:0 Rolatia
Casari 1:0 The Kazoo Peoples
Yafor 2 2:1 Swilatia

Hiiraan does not play

Matchday 2:

HOME AWAY
The Kazoo Peoples v Turori
Swilatia v Casari
Hiiraan v Rolatia

Yafor 2 does not play

Matchday 3:

HOME AWAY
Turori v Swilatia
Casari v Yafor 2
The Kazoo Peoples v Hiiraan

Rolatia does not play

Matchday 4:

HOME AWAY
Casari v Turori
Hiiraan v Yafor 2
Rolatia v Swilatia

The Kazoo Peoples does not play

Matchday 5:

HOME AWAY
Hiiraan v Turori
Rolatia v Casari
The Kazoo Peoples v Yafor 2

Swilatia does not play

Matchday 6:

HOME AWAY
Turori v Yafor 2
Swilatia v Hiiraan
The Kazoo Peoples v Rolatia

Casari does not play

Matchday 7:

HOME AWAY
Casari v Hiiraan
Yafor 2 v Rolatia
Swilatia v The Kazoo Peoples

Turori does not play

Matchday 8:

AWAY HOME
Turori v Rolatia
Casari v The Kazoo Peoples
Yafor 2 v Swilatia

Hiiraan does not play

Matchday 9:

AWAY HOME
The Kazoo Peoples v Turori
Swilatia v Casari
Hiiraan v Rolatia

Yafor 2 does not play

Matchday 10:

AWAY HOME
Turori v Swilatia
Casari v Yafor 2
The Kazoo Peoples v Hiiraan

Rolatia does not play

Matchday 11:

AWAY HOME
Casari v Turori
Hiiraan v Yafor 2
Rolatia v Swilatia

The Kazoo Peoples does not play

Matchday 12:

AWAY HOME
Hiiraan v Turori
Rolatia v Casari
The Kazoo Peoples v Yafor 2

Swilatia does not play

Matchday 13:

AWAY HOME
Turori v Yafor 2
Swilatia v Hiiraan
The Kazoo Peoples v Rolatia

Casari does not play

Matchday 14:

AWAY HOME
Casari v Hiiraan
Yafor 2 v Rolatia
Swilatia v The Kazoo Peoples

Turori does not play

---
BREAKING NEWS
Kazoos drop first-ever World Cup game

The Kazoo Peoples national team dropped their first-ever World Cup game, though not the first in international competition.

#26 ranked Casari dominated possession of the ball, controlling it for approximately 75 minutes of the entire match. It was the superb defense of The Kazoo Peoples (Goalkeeper Johnson being extremely superb tonight, blocking 19 shots on the goal, and allowing only one) that prevented a major blowout.

Coach Manni Aka said, "This isn't the Baptism of Fire anymore. This is the Big Show. The Big Time. Casari is a very tough team, and if we want to beat teams like that, or even draw with them, we'll need a new strategy." He motioned to his left, where a large poster of a lineup was mounted on the wall, with a label at the top: "3-5-2 Formation"

"Apparently, we never announced our new formation," said Manni Aka, coach of the Kazoo national soccer team. "We intended to announce a 3-5-2 formation, but apparently we never got around to it. So, we're announcing it now."



F C. Johnson J. Lampshade


MF M. Perknowleski M. Hermville R. Johnson M. Sweeny K. Shafur


D Ja. Johnson D. Smirkley M. Munster


GK Jim Johnson

---
Group Standings, Group 6

Region 6 Pts W D L GF:GA GD
1. Turori 3 1 0 0 4:0 4
2. Yafor 2 3 1 0 0 2:1 1
Casari 3 1 0 0 1:0 1
4. Hiiraan 0 0 0 0 0:0 0
5. Swilatia 0 0 0 1 1:2 -1
The Kazoo Peoples 0 0 0 1 0:1 -1
7. Rolatia 0 0 0 1 0:4 -4

---
Kazoos progress in WC26

MD1: loss to Casari, away
MD2: Turori, home
MD3: Hiiraan, home
MD4: OFF
MD5: Yafor 2, home
MD6: Rolatia, home
MD7: Swilatia, away
MD8: Casari, home
MD9: Turori, away
MD10: Hiiraan, away
MD11: OFF
MD12: Yafor 2, away
MD13: Rolatia, away
MD14: Swilatia, home

Good night and have a pleasant tomorrow!

The flight to Collonie was fairly silent. The Wents knew they were on a hiding to nothing, but had hoped to emerge from Squornshelous with some pride. But 5-0? Not even a consolation goal.

The only member of the squad who had come away with anything was physio Byrne. With 8 minutes to go, and Wentland 4-0 down, Byrne was apoploeptic about a harsh tackle that left Devey writhing. "Come ON, ref! Get your book out!"

The fourth official requested him to calm down. "Byrne, you're squawking like an albatross, shut up."

Byrne started in surprise and just about stammered out "more like a seagull, perhaps?"

The fourth official then scolded Byrne. Or at least pretended to. "You will go to the departure lounge. At Gate 32 there is a toilet. In the nearest urinal to the door, in the cistern, there is a CD with a backup set of emails intercepted by our police. I could only smuggle them into Squornshelous through a diplomatic bag, you should be able to smuggle them out in your medicine bag."

"Many thanks."

"Now shut up or I'll book you."

Byrne had not needed his surgical gloves all match, he was happy to have found a use for them.

Bluff considered his options for the Collonie game. Maybe more attacking. Try to get something out of it. Crucial game, a win was imperative.

So he decided to go for a 4-3-3. Treves in the middle, picking it up from the other centre-forwards in the squad. With a view to going back to 4-4-2 if circumstances permit. Fingers crossed.

"World Cup 26 vs. Road to the World Cup Vs. Soccer Online?" by Nev Gould

The success of the recent releases of soccer games such as World Cup 26 and QLOGIC's Road To the World Cup has prompted EG Inc, A games studio reknowned for the success of it's MMORPG's, such as "Hero", "Hero's Squire" and "That Peasant Guy". EG has announced that it has a new MMORPG project underway, currently titled "Soccer Online", which will be subject to change. Soccer Online will be a MMORPG where subscribers to the online service will be able to play the part of players, coaches or team management. Each different category focuses the subscriber on different areas.... Players focus on gaining soccer skills by practicing, Coaches learn strategies as they progress through the game and the Managers are responsible for keeping the team afloat and choosing both the team and coaches. The game will contain a ranking system for all teams and subsbscribers will play against each in soccer matches, Soccer Online's version of Realm Vs. Realm Combat. The game is still in developement and Beta will not be expected for at least another year. Will Soccer Online blaze into uncharted waters and set itself as a market leader in a new area of MMORPG or will this experiment in Sport MMORPG's bring EG to it's knees? Only time will tell.

Falcons aren't sharkbait in their debut

With a world ranking somewhere in the triple digits going against a team that played in a World Cup final recently, the Majeristan Falcons didn't have much reason to be optimistic going into an away match against the Oaker Sharks, especially with Majeristan making its World Cup debut.

Thanks in part to a defensive struggle, the Falcons have escaped the Sharks' lair with one standings point they didn't expect thanks to a 1-1 draw that must have seemed like a victory to the Falcons.

"We were able to play a style of football that fits the personnel we have," Coach Hatime Ra~e said. "We were able to take advantage of Oaker when they made some mistakes, but we couldn't prevent ourselves from making too many. Hopefully, playing experience will fix that."

Majeristan's first-ever World Cup goal wasn't their doing, as the Sharks handed the Falcons an own goal just 27 minutes in. The own goal off one of the team's veteran defensive players silenced a crowd that assistant coach Roger Taylor described as "amped up." Unfortunately for the Falcons, they couldn't keep up the momentum long, conceding a penalty kick just eight minutes later.

The Falcons (0-1-0, one point) weren't the only side to play to a draw, as Hypocria and System Karela finished level at 0-0. The Falcons play their second straight match against one of the two top seeds in the group when they open National Stadium in Tikira against One Red Dot. Officials from the Ministry of Sport have asked supporters to wear all green for the match and have asked supporters not to sell tickets to One Red Dot supporters.

"We don't want anyone wearing red in the stadium," Ra~e said. "We want that home field advantage as much as we can get."

Shaky start for the Rouge-et-Noirs

“Good evening. I’m Ahmed Jones, and you’re watching the eight o’clock news.

Our main story tonight is the beginning of the twenty-sixth edition of the World Cup. And Ariddia’s disappointing performance against Tonissia, in what some were saying was a must-win match from the start. We’re going live to Tonissia now with our reporter Rasha al Khaldi. Rasha?”

al Khaldi: “Yes, thank you, Ahmed. I’m in front of the stadium, as you can see. Everything is quiet now, but there was quite a crowd here for Tonissia’s first match – and, incidentally, Ariddia’s. If you look at the results in Group 10. . . Well, let’s take a look at them.”


Group 10
Audioslavia 2 Thergo 0
Lovisa 2 Legalese 1
Tonissia 4 Ariddia 0


al Khaldi: “As you can see, the three top teams all pulled off comfortable victories, but the main problem for us is that Tonissia is only the third best team in the group, on paper, and yet they’ve pulled off the best result. Against us. Hardly an encouraging sign.”

Jones: “How are the team feeling about that tonight?”

al Khaldi: “Well, they’re trying not to seem too pessimistic or defeatist. They’re saying it's just one match, that they need to get their bearings. . . I’ll give you a quick recap of the match.”

Jones: “Go ahead.”

al Khaldi: “The Ariddian coach, Adam Seul, fielded the expected starting eleven. Leduc, al Jahdali, Te, Wald, Alt, Swimmer, I, Delherbe, Clément, Lel and Faraj. All of them have World Cup 25 experience. And the formation was that adapted half-way through the qualifying stages of last Cup, a rather aggressive 3-4-3 that’s certainly not intended to allow an opponent to be constantly on the offensive.

It started well enough, for the first quarter of an hour. Faraj get off a clear shot in the eighth minute, well saved by the Tonissian keeper. But then the Tonissians started pushing back harder than our side were, and their greater experience started to show. Our defence showed signs at times of not being quite as well coordinated as our opponents’. Leduc saved two well aimed shots in the sixteenth and eighteenth minutes.

The first goal came in the twenty-seventh, and by then it really seemed unavoidable. Lel scored for Ariddia six minutes after that, but the goal was disallowed due to an off-side. And I think that was a bit of a blow to morale. Leduc seemed really taken by surprise when a Tonissian attacker actually managed to make it past al Jahdali, not an easy thing to do. By the time she moved to react – as you can see in the replay on your screen - it was two-nil. That had become three-nil by halftime, with little hope of a miraculous overturn in the lead.

Adam Seul brought in Ul U for the beginning of the second half, making this the young attacker’s first game as a Rouge-et-Noir. Number 7 Kolo Kouassi was also brought in to assist with defence. The team seemed to pull themselves together in the second half, and played a more balanced game, conceding only one further goal but finding few opportunities to attack. Those tactics are already sparking controversy, and I’m sure Mr. Seul will be giving them a lot of thought before the next match, a home game against what should be an even tougher opponent, Lovisa.

In the meantime, Ariddia is now bottom of group 10, which even the worst pessimists probably hadn’t predicted. A goalless loss brings back too many bad memories. Ahmed?”

“Thank you, Rasha. Yes, so, a shaky start for the Rouge-et-Noirs, with a nil-four away defeat to Tonissia. Onto the rest of today’s news now. . .”

OOC: If this crazy shit about style modifiers is going ahead, I'm going to ask for a +12. Secondly, could you please edit the first post to link to rosters?

IC:
Liverpool Engand thump Firania 4-1
On the eve of the Liverpool England national constitutional referendum, politics was the last thing on 110,000 people's minds as they watched a thrilling encounter between Liverpool England and Firania at the National Stadium in CCL.

Five goals went into the nets in the space of 14 minutes either side of half-time, as the two teams upped their pace going into the halftime break. Indeed, Liverpool England manager Sir Douglas Freech told reporters after the game that he had told his players to try to go into the break with the lead, something that didn't look like happening at 0-0 with 6 first-half minutes to play. Then, Nathan Olberg, on as a substitute for the injured Nicholas Thompson after just 16 minutes, sped down the right wing as quick as bees chasing a provoker, and swung in a high cross which was superbly met in the air by Luis Sunderland, who managed to nod it into the way of a defender, who met it with his hand. Referee Martin Albrechtsen [OOC: Yes, named after that darned WBA player who scored the goal to beat Wigan yesterday] gave the penalty dispite Firanian protests that it was a case of ball-to-hand. Sunderland stepped up and coolly slotted home the penalty past the hapless goalkeeper.

Three more goals were scored before half-time - including a Firanian reply to Sunderland's penalty - making the half-time score 3-1, with all four goals having been scored within 5 minutes of the break.

The second half started like how the match did, dull and slow. However, ten minutes into the half Sunderland managed to skip pass the last defender before being brought down by the Firanian keeper, who was sent off for being the last man in a cynical foul. Sunderland got up, brushed himself off and rammed the penalty into the top-right hand corner, his second from the spot and his third on the night. Following that, the match seemed to fizzle out into what would, besides the five goals, be a bore draw.

World Cup Qualifying
National Stadium, CCL
Attendance: 109,559
Liverpool England 4 (Sunderland 40pen, 44, 54pen; Langer 43) Firania 1 (#10 42)

Sendings off: Firania #12 (53)

The Schiavone Scribe
KAZE FOR CELEBRATION
Kaze Progressa 2-4 Schiavonia

The people of Schiavonia went into party mode last night as they won their first ever proper World Cup qualifying game against the comparitavely mighty Kaze Progressa.

People ran into the streets hugging one another as they jumped around in celebration after the game. Young, old and all the ones in-between were running around the centres of towns and villages across the nation.

In the centre of Schiavonia's capital city of Kingsbury, people were jumping into fountains and even climbing onto statues!

Even the small travelling contingent who had taken it upon themselves to travel all the way to the Progressair Stadium in Kaze Progressa couldn't believe what they were seeing. The orange and scarlet clad corner of the ground went ballistic when the final whistle went, as if they had been let out of a mental institution for the day and they were making the most of it.

Of course, this was only off the back of one game. The sloths still have eleven to go, a fact that manager Rodney Lowe recognises.

"By the way the fans reacted, you'd think that we'd made it to the finals," he told reporters. "Of course, we haven't, we just beat a team who could very well be going there in their own stadium. It's a blinding achievement, but if we're still on such a run come the end of the campaign, then I dread to think what the celebrations will be like."

Of course, Schivonia probably won't be still in the running by then, hence the celebration over this win. But let's just describe the occassion once again.

It didn't start to brilliantly for the Sloths, going one down in the opening quarter of an hour, when Quinzu Nubi-Jatayop fooled the entire Schiavone defence with a dummy pass through them, finding himself with the goal at his mercy and sliding the ball underneath Ben Kershaw.

It was the ideal start for the more experienced home side, but it didn't last. Shortly before half-time, Mike Jones played a long diagonal ball over the Progressan defence which Gary Topp raced onto and blasted past a helpless Arista Hetujuk in the Progressan goal.

Then, even shorterly before half-time, the Sloths were ahead, Gareth Marsden rising unmarked to head home. The orange and scarlet fans were in raptures!

If it was supposed to be a kick up the backside for the hosts during the interval, it didn't seem like it. By the time an hour had been played, the visitors were 4-1 up! Kenny Sanderson's free-kick and Tony Tarmey's pouncing upon a poor Vantiv Catirac clearance meant that Schiavonia were in dreamland with half an hour of the game still remaining.

It was as good a chance as any to try out a different formation, and so Rodney Lowe did just that. Schiavone and Weir made way for Besenares and Porse, and still Schiavonia looked dominant.

Then, with ten minutes to go, Kershaw gave a pass straight to Nonbi Olog who ran through on goal and scored the easiest goal you will ever see.

It put the Sloths on the back foot for ten minutes, but they withstood to record a memorable victory. The celebrations could begin.

Of course, it won't last. Rejistania will bring the Sloths back down to earth in their next game, as they travel to the King Francesco Stadium in Kingsbury to put our boys to the sword.

Ratings
Kaze Progressa: Hetujuk 5; Zair 5, Ezkinsaay 5, Barkain 5, Catirac 4; Sajazkerev 3 (Vamanui [60 min] 6); Bytor 4, Tiakosuv 5; Nubi-Jatayop 7; Jazitobilara 3 (Mautivi [49 min] 5), Olog 5.
Schiavonia: Kershaw 6; O'Kane 8, Park 7, Marsden 8, Smith 7; Sanderson 8, Jones 8, Weir 7 (Porse [61 min] 7); TOPP 9, Schiavone 7 (Besenares [61 min] 7), Tarmey 8.

Final score
Kaze Progressa 2 (Nubi-Jatayop 12, Olob 80)
Schiavonia 4 (Topp 42, Marsden 45, Sanderson 50, Tarmey 59)

Group 4 Pl W D L F A Pts GD
1. Schiavonia 1 1 0 0 4 2 3 +2
2. Cuation 1 1 0 0 2 0 3 +2
3. Rejistania 1 1 0 0 2 0 3 +2
4. Alexandrian Ptolemais 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0
5. Kaze Progressa 1 0 0 1 2 4 0 -2
6. Kudlastan 1 0 0 1 0 2 0 -2
7. Pyrologists911 1 0 0 1 0 2 0 -2

Another Own Goal!
Episode 1: Rilke Brace Upsets Elrich

We bring you back to that same dark room we brought you to in the last episode. You can’t remember? Go back and check it yourself, you lazy bugger…

But as usual we digress. This time, the only illumination comes from a rather old television screen, and the only sound coming from the running commentary.

“…and with Glinka’s sending off, things are starting to look dim for the Zucchinis and they would do well to walk away with the point here…but here is Poulsen marauding down the right flank here…brilliant turn and the Wolfman’s possibly crunching tackle misses totally and he crashes against the advertising boards…oh, and that’s a brilliant little touch to the feet of Rilke WHO LASHES IT INTO THE FAR CORNER! Burns had absolutely no chance! Oh how about that? Gorton is jumping on the touchline, this could be a dream start to the Zucchinis’ qualifying campaign! And so close to the final whistle…”

“Now that’s my boy,” chuckled Mr. Green-Fingered-Couch-Warmer.

To be continued…


Giant Zucchini’s Department of Number Crunching and Data Spewing presents:

Match stats:

Giant Zucchini – 3
Chekhov (30), Rilke (56, 87)

Elrich – 2
Allen (47), Elrich (51)

Yellow Cards:
Nuvolari (38)

Red Cards:
Glinka (78)


Giant Zucchini stats:

Top Goalscorers:
Johann Rilke – 2
Absamat Chekhov – 1

Yellow Cards:
Dino Nuvolari – 1

Red Cards:
Mikhail Glinka – 1

AG: Anna Goldstein
PJW: Park Jee Wan
MG: Mimie Goldstein

AG: Good morning to the Jeruselem Sports News, live from the World Cup 26. I'm with the assistant coach Park Jee Wan
PJW: Hi Anna
AG: Firstly, what do you think of this group? Group 15
PJW: Good for Jeruselem, we should make next round
AG: That easy?
PJW: Tadjikistan 9th seed, tough team. Best team. Milchama 47th seed, good team but Jeruselem better
AG: What about the rest Park?
PJW: Rordia, Artoonia, Race City and McPsychoville not pose big threat to top 2 teams
AG: I assume that's Jeruselem and Tadjikistan
PJW: Yes, yes
AG: Good result today too
PJW: We beat Artoonia five one. Good win
AG: Definitely a gulf in class here
PJW: Yes
AG: Tadjikistan beat Race City three nil
PJW: Tadjikistan expected to win games like that
AG: Now, Rordia won too. They trashed Milchama 6-3. Not scared
PJW: Rookie teams play well early. Good teams win to end and make next round
AG: I see. Biggest threats in Group 15 Park?
PJW: Tadjikistan and Milchama
AG: This is a young team, no members from World Cup 24 and 25. Too much burden on them
PJW: No, older teams played harder groups.
AG: Thanks for talking to us
PJW: No problem

AG: Mimie!
MG: Hi cousin.
AG: Oh, this is former World cup player and coach Mimie Goldstein
MG: Hi viewers
AG: Let's check up on our friends Nedalia
MG: The mightly lions indeed

Group 9
[4] Squornshelous
[35] Nedalia
[39] Harlesburg
[59] Nanakaland
[126] Bazalonia
[161] Wentland
[184] Collonie

AG: Nice group for the lions?
MG: Oh yes. Squornshelous should be the best team but Harlesburg have to be watched and Nanakaland cannot be discounted either
AG: So, we desire say Squornshelous and Nedalia 2nd
MG: No doubt Squornshelous will be the best team, 4th seed is earned not a just a title
AG: Results against say the other two determine this one
MG: The Lions needs to beat Harlesburg and Nanakaland to ensure they don't have bad World Cup 26

AG: We've got Hockey Canada's group too

Group 2
[10] Krytenia
[27] Hockey Canada
[48] The Weegies
[61] Spaam
[155] Northern Voobaha
[184] Fbrenia
FSX

MG: Nasty - Krytenia, The Weegies and Spaam
AG: We've played al those teams
MG: Yeah, Krytenia should be hardest team to best. The other two are rather hard to predict
AG: Canadians have a chance of top 2?
MG: On ranking 27th yes

NEWSFLASH:

The Giant Zucchini FA have sent in an appeal against Mikhail Glinka's red card against Elrich. He was reportedly sent off for kicking Elrich's Matthew "Diddy" Allen in the face. "I not even seeing him! Ze ball vas in ze air and I rise my leg to kicking ze ball and next zing I know he's rolling on ze floor and I'm sent off!" "Given the special conditions of this incident, I personally don't think the red card should stand," said a representative of the FA. However, the odds are against Glinka winning the appeal.

Well, Fr. Nicholas, we're looking for a neutral venue. At present, Ariddia seem to be the only nation to have volunteered. While I'd normally be cautious about supporting an idea from communists and militant atheists, Ariddia are one of the few ordinary reality nations to have friendly relations with our political masters in the Holy Empire - the WC 25 plague notwithstanding - so we may accept the offer if nothing more attractive is forthcoming"

OC: Cuation has offered to host it on the bottom of page 1


Cuation take 3 points for perfect start.

Heskey loses the ball and now the ball is booted into Cuation's half for Butcher to get. Oh but he has headed it behind him and now Kudlastan's winger is free. Low cross, deflected by Yan and great chance! Fantastic sprawling save by Gary Jens has kept Cuation ahead. A real let off.

The viewer sees a tubby grey haired man in front of a garish green background. He is the famed host of the football section of this channel, he sounds like the average grandfather telling a story.

"I am Neville Clarkson and this is Cuation sports 24: The World Cup 26." Replay of the legend saving Nedalia penalty in Cup of Harmony. "Today was the day teams, unless they had a bye, played their vital first match. For Cuation it was a chance to avoid going three games defeated. For others it was finding their feet in the step up from the Baptism of Fire. This first match can give warning of how the rest of the cup will go for the team, last time we lost 3-0 to Spruitland."

View cuts to the ground and will stay there for the rest of the highlights.

"Our first match was at home to Kudlastan, a match that could shape Cuation's bid for third place. It was not the best game to ever grace the world, it was a boring game but out of the sets of fans, Cuation will be the happier. The battle was in the middle with neither side gaining control and chances where few so in the end, it would be who took them that won."

Another ball being contested and it is Roy Ferguson with the ball. He plays it out wide to Giovanni and that’s a foul. Free kick on the left on the 15th minute. Sol Major, Jonathan Yan and Abel Robinson have come forward for this.

Giovanni floats it in to the far post, knocked down by Tanner and Abel Robinson has scored! 1-0 to Cuation! He slotted that in with all the calm in the world and now the team have something to defend.

"A well worked set piece, something we may well need to rely on. Giovanni's wanderings may sometimes leave the team in confusion but it makes him hard to mark and he has such talent on the ball, this time drawing the foul. Then he waited till the team was ready and floated it towards our tall Peter Tanner. The other players ran to give him someone to play it to and Peter chose Abel who controlled it well and then simply placed it under the goalie. Now Cuation would sit back a bit and allow the game to be contested in the middle."

Again the piece of the match which was shown as the program came on, involving Gary Jens save.

"Well Cuation are solid on the centre and the right but Heskey and Butcher can be found wanting at times, as they where here. Jonathan Yan should not have left his man to try and stop the winger who stayed out wide. He left the striker unmarked for the chance and then failed to block the cross, even deflecting it into the striker's path. It should have gone in but the striker didn't hit it with much power and allowed Gary to fling himself across to save. He did very well to smother it before anyone could get to the rebound."

Cuation are on the attack, Sol Major hits a high ball into the box, Tanner gets it down for Heskey, he slips and Giovanni goes down goes down as well, ref waves play on. Ball finds its way to Asthon but he has mis hit it and it falls to Philip Cole. He has a go and it is in! A wicked deflection took the ball past the keeper but Cole will claim his first goal and deliver a cruel blow in the 43rd minute.

" A scrappy goal but I'm glad for the right back, to score for your nation is something special. We sought to hit it up into the box and Tanner did his job, however Heskey failed to get to it and Giovanni just plan dived to get a penalty. The ball bounced off the two of them to Asthon, someone I would expect to drill the ball home. Somehow he failed to control it and instead accidentally passed it to Cole. His shot was from a tight angle but an unlucky defender got in the way and knocked it beyond his own keeper. The timing of the goal was amazing, it must have deflated Kudlastan, and it certainly relaxed Cuation."

Changes are being made, sixty minutes in, Jude brings on Peter Seamen for Gary Jens, Rual Mendiz for Roy Ferguson and takes off Heskey for Steven Milnar who plays his first game for Cuation. The team goes from 4-5-1 to 4-4-2

"A tactical change which didn't bring much reward but will no doubt give confidence to Peter Seamen while allowing the fans a good look at Steven Milnar. Gary and Roy had good games while Heskey failed to do much right but Peter handled himself well, Steven looked a threat but Rual failed to look up to his reputation."

Giovanni gets to the loose ball and plays the ball over the defence and into the run of Milnar! Only the keeper to beat and he rounds him but can only cross to RUAL! He missed! An open goal but he hit it high and wide of the target! Seems to have lost his confidence.

"What a ball by Giovanni, with one touch he played it pas the defence and where his team mate wanted the ball. Steven perhaps should have shot but still did well in beating the goalie and then playing it back but Rual? His confidence seems gone and till he regains it, the forward will miss more chances. He really should have put it beyond doubt."

"My man of the match would have to be veteran Abel Robinson, who scored one and nullified most threats. The holding player is a vital part of the team and Rio Samaba will have a hard job replacing him. In the end, a comfy win but it was at home and there are far more games to play."


Player Ratings

Jens 7 (Seamen 6), Butcher 5, Cole 7, Major 7, Yan 6, Robinson 9, Heskey 5 (Milnar 7), Asthon 7, Ferguson 7 (Rual 3), Giovanni 8, Tanner 7.

Other games

In our group Rejistania cruised to victory but there was a shock when Schiavonia went to Kaze Progressa and came away with a 4-2 win. If Rejistania is correct and this match is a signal, then maybe Kaze will not take second place and we could see a race for the qualification spot.

Our good friends Andossa Se Mitrin Vega managed to avoid their curse of losing 2-1. Instead they lost 3-1 as their luck continues to try and destroy them. We all hope that such a skilful side come back from this defeat.

Fbrenia goes down hard in opening match


There were barely any Fbreni supporters at all in Isserson Stadium, Everton City, Krytenia – a few dozen, at most, a handful of which wore the national colours proudly, bellowed out the anthem and waved the flag with wild cheers. On the whole, though, the stadium was overwhelmingly behind the home team. Virtually all of the Fbreni supporters were expatriates, many travelling from Ariddia or nations neighbouring Krytenia itself.

Not that the tiny Fbreni team, numbering just fourteen players instead of the standard twenty-three, seemed to mind. There was pride on their faces and in their eyes as the starting eleven held one another’s hands up high, standing in a line and singing to the tune of their national anthem.

The game itself was as one-sided as the support in the stadium. The Fbreni side were trampled and virtually brushed aside as the far more experienced Krytenian team, tenth best in the world, hammered away at Diego Quiroga’s goal cage, with Fbrenia barely having managed to squeeze in a shot on goal. The final score was a staggering six-nil in favour of the home side. But again, the players hardly seemed to mind. Many were smiling and breathlessly excited from beginning to end.

“We’d been waiting for this moment for so long! When we created our national team out of nothing, back home, in a disused stadium and with no equipment, we never dreamed we’d be playing against the best of the world with millions of people watching us!” midfielder Angela Soliz confessed after the game, with tears of happiness in her eyes. The team’s interpreter, Sonya Quinonez, an Ariddian of Fbreni descent, was also smiling as she translated. “Yes, we lost. We knew we weren’t going to win. It’s wonderful just being here!”

“We’d like to thank the people of Krytenia for making us feel so welcome,” team captain Diego Reyes added later. “We’ve had a lovely time here. The hotel was great, we managed to find a little time to go sight-seeing, and the atmosphere is more than we’d hoped for. If ever I can come back here, I will.”

The Fbreni team will be travelling to the oddly named FSX for their second game in the qualifying stages.

Win? You bet we did

To think they insulted us...
Northern Voobaha has some explaining to do after their 1-0 loss to the hands of the Canucks whom they insulted only days before. But after a dominating 1-0 win at Irkutsk, the Canucks can only comment on the game.

"They thought they would WHAT?" said surprised midfielder Rahul Kulkarni.

"It wasn't much of an effort from them. Or was it?" told Syku Kansu in an interview after the game.

"What did they say about my hair? Wait a second... get back here!" went a confused Kyle Thomas after he read the article about "mullets". for God's sake... get the hair right... it's a SHAG.

The game went in the direction of the Canucks seeing Northern Voobaha fire shots that were not too hard for keeper Kyle Thomas. Defenders like Yanic Perrault and Ike Broflovski added depth to the karelan wall while Mike Ko and Rahul Kulkarni provided an attack for the karelan side. The game was rough which didn't surprise home fans after a few Northern Voobaha players were complaining to the referee that his calls were biased.

The first half opened up in the usual Hockey Canadian fashion. The early goal, the slow fall-back to defense and the eventual wall of players hanging out by the Canuck goal. Kulkarni got his World Cup campaign going right with an early strike from 24 yards out that nailed the crossbar and into the net behind a confused Northern Voobaha goalkeeper. The 3rd minute never looked so good for the Canucks.

There was some major physical play before halftime however. A Northern Voobaha player managed to slink by Perrault who had slipped on the snowy field. The ball was played high and saw the player against Thomas in a race for the ball. The Northern Voobaha player jumped in the air to see if he could head the ball in the net. Thomas jumped to punch the ball away, and being the bigger man, collided with the Northern Voobaha player and took him down. No card was given on the play.

The second half saw more physical play when Petr Srylanko was sent off the field in a fit of rage for "allegedly" tripping a Northern Voobaha midfielder. Syku Kansu even got a chance to play but saw his actions limited due to the karelan style of high-defense in the second half. Though interesting as it was to watch, the match was boring and saw little chances in the icy stadium. The match ended 1-0 in favour of Hockey Canada.

The Hockey Canadians now have Spaam in their sights next. The Canucks have a somewhat long history against Spaam and hope that they can continue their good play and beat them. Jeruselem had some fun in their 5-1 slamming of Artoonia. They have our full support in this World Cup. We do have one last comment: FSX?

Hockey Canada- 1
Kulkarni (3)

Northern Voobaha- 0
Thomas (shutout)

Region 2 Pts W D L GF:GA GD
1. Krytenia 3 1 0 0 6:0 6
2. The Weegies 3 1 0 0 3:2 1
Hockey Canada 3 1 0 0 1:0 1
4. FSX? 0 0 0 0 0:0 0
5. Spaam 0 0 0 1 2:3 -1
Northern Voobaha 0 0 0 1 0:1 -1
7. Fbrenia 0 0 0 1 0:6 -6

The Nedalia Lions

More of the Same Despite New Coach

KAFRA, NEDALIA - Its as if nothing changed; despite the Lions playing under a manager other than Randy Gamman for the first time in their history, one couldnt tell by looking at them. The same attacking prowess, the same defensive incompetence. New gaffer Bilal Hachem, previously the 2nd in charge, was fuming after the match against Bazalonia, angrily stating that the Lions will get nowhere if they couldnt turn the defensive presence up a notch.

"Its become somewhat humiliating. This is not an insult towards Bazalonia, quite the contrary. My hat goes off to them, they gave us a hell of a match on our own soil, and we were lucky to come away with 3 points. But for us to become known as the team that is 'fun to watch' but ultimately doesnt accomplish anything is not something I'm especially proud of. Today's performance just granted victory to our critics, as far as I'm concerned. Its Haters 1, Lions 0."

The match started well enough for Nedalia, who struck the net en route Nene early in the first half after a marvellous individual run. The Nedalian dominance continued, and towards the late 1st half, it was Conteras, playing in his very first international game, who found the net through a blistering shot.

If one needed a perfect example of how to compare opposites, then one only needed to look towards Nedalia's performance in the 1st and 2nd halves of the game. While in the 1st half, the Lions played like a team under control, counterattacking with purpose and entertaining fans at every opportunity possible without giving away their defensive domination. In the 2nd half, however, they looked completely lost, giving the ball away almost religiously while conceding 2 goals within a span of 9 minutes. If it wasnt for the sheer genius of Nene, who hit his 2nd goal of the match in the 85th minute to give Nedalia an undeserved lead, the Lions would have walked off their own home ground with only 1 point.

It is clear that the Lions continue to suffer from the same problems that has plagued the team in the past. While young Ben Turner has the potential to become even better than his predecessor Cole Zenith, he definitely cannot even be mentioned in the same league yet. The latter captained the Lions to a Cup of Harmony championship as well as leading the team World Cup 24, and his presence is surely sorely missed. New captain Trent Hardman commented about that after the game, saying although Turner was inexperienced, it was up to him to "play like he has been out there for 10 years." Nedalia cannot afford otherwise.

Nedalia: 3 (Nene 16, 85, Conteras 38)
Bazalonia: 2


LEADING SCORERS:

Nene: 2
Conteras: 1

Tigers take out Race City

A first match is always a though one, with new players in the team trying to fit in. Luckily the Tadjiks could still depend on their coaching duo, the Sadirovs, who have been around for a while now. They were still very cautious with comments before the match and only said they were going for the full three points which is logical if you remember that Race city is ranked 184th.

Tadjiks however, are always cautious, especially in the first matches of the qualifications and so they allowed the Racers to come out of their corner. Giving them the idea that they could control the match and possibly even score. At the same time the Tadjiks watched as their opponents charged on, looking for weak spots in their defense, Rezvon Sadirov explained this tactic after the match :'We know little of this team, so it is usefull to wait with the offensive moves until you know exactly where and how to hit them.'The Sadirovs used the half time to brief their team and prepapre for a second half in which they would put the pressure on Race City.

Led by Michael Pliiev, the Tigers moved up over the sides and threatened the Race City box from both sides probing for the one opening. After 15 minutes in the second half, Oleg Salenko found it in the centre and scored his first goal for the national team this year bringing his total to 32.

The first goal had detrimental effect on Race city, now looking to reorganize and counter the Tadjik offensive but they were already to late. Zuhurov took advantage of the chaos and slipped past guard, scoring number two from the right side and ending all Race City hopes of winning their first match here.

With an Isserson Stadion full of Tadjik fans screaming and shouting their players to victory, their was little the Tigers had to fear. Even Race city's last attempt at scoring was not good enough to endanger the Tigers. Instead, Tadjikistan finished off the job in last minutes with the help of Ashurov.

While it is not as spectacular as Jeruselems win against the Artoonians, Bahrom Sadirov was pleased with his teams victory :'We won and we did it in a convincing way, not as sensational as Jeruselem, but atleast we were spared the defeat that Milchama suffered at home against the Rordians... But we must remember that we have play against those guys on Matchday three and we already know they arent a weak side. Offcourse those are problems we will deal with later, lets just work on our trip to Artoonia now.'

Fixtures:
MD1: Tadjikistan - Race City W 3-0
MD2: Artoonia - Tadjikistan
MD3: Tadjikistan - Rordia
MD4: Jeruselem - Tadjikistan
MD5: McPsychoville - Tadjikistan
MD6: Tadjikistan - Milchama
MD7: /
MD8: Race City - Tadjikistan
MD9: Tadjikistan - Artoonia
MD10:Rordia - Tadjikistan
MD11:Tadjikistan - Jeruselem
MD12:Tadjikistan - McPsychoville
MD13:Milchama - Tadjikistan
MD14:/

ISLANDERS FACE STEEP LEARNING CURVE

The islanders lost to highly regarded Bedistan 4-0, with the Cataduaños being unable to cope with the Bedistani attack the defence collapsed at times with the central midfield unable to effectively retain possesion in the center of the park. Coach Manua failed to attend to press conference leaving the team physio, Maurizio Calafatez, to answer all questions. However there is pragmatic realism among Islander fans who by and large still retain an enthuasism for the team, with many praising the wingers, Corino and Ruedas, for there workrate and determination.

Critics in the press have been quick to point out that good results are needed for qualifacation and the dropping of points in such a manner does not bode well for the future. Cataduanes faces the United Island Empires in matchday 2 and it will have to be seen wether the side have the resolve to regroup and get a win, 'it gonna take 150% effort but are boys have the balls for it' was Calafatez last quote at the post match conference in referrence to the rest of the campaign.

Golden Wolves Pull Past At Home

Game 1
Yafor 2 2 - Swilatia 0

THE ZYDRAKOS DOME, AJER, YAFOR 2 - "The Golden Wolves of Yafor 2 are no team to be ignored." So said captain Gerod Flamer as he triumphantly mounted the podium, following a Yaforite victory, the first of World Cup 26, and, hopefully, the first of many to come. His voice was calm and yet confident, and he looked set to celebrate.

But few felt that way as the result of the draft, reported far away in Commerce Heights, arrived in Yafor 2. Television rights were unable to be gained, to every player had to listen to an all-French channel broadcast on the radio from Olliverry, and not only did none of them speak French, but the quality of the broadcast seemed like the quality one would expect from a 19th century radio.

It was not cheerful news either. There were many lower ranked teams, but Hiiiraan and Rolatia seemed the toughest, with each team ready to defeat anyone who happened to play them. While both teams were lower ranked than Yafor 2, they would be difficult to defeat, due to simply their determination.

And then there were Turori and Casari. Turori was a top-ten team, a team which Yafor 2 had cordial relations with, and yet, had never played. They were not wanted to play, either, for they were, purely, amazing. Casari was a Yaforite batch, from the Baptism of Fire prior to World Cup 24. They had gone a seperate way, though unlike Yafor 2, had never won a cup of Harmony.

The game progressed as usual, with stifling Yaforite defense, and the Malar brothers scoring in tandem. It was an early game, but that did not stop the stadium from being full of people, a massive crowd, eagerly chanting, screaming, and showing their love in their home team, in the team the trusted.

The Golden Wolves have a bye coming up, ample time to prepare for a tough Casari team.

-An excerpt from The Ajerite Sun.

The Schiavone Scribe
A SOFT SPOT

While the majority of Schiavones will be 100% behind the Sloths in their game against the mighty Rejistania at the King Francesco Stadium this week, while already having it in for the team they call "the Mindbenders", there is one corner of Schiavonia that does have a small place in their heart for the Orange-Blues (Or whatever colours they'll wear to avoid a colour clash with the orange and scarlet).

Every time a new World Cup winner has gotten their name on the trophy, a place in Schiavonia gets named after them. Rejistania are no different, with the village formerly known as Matching Shyrt, Stentin winning the honour of being named aftre the four-time winners.

The people of Rejistania, Schiavonia, will of course be behind the team representing their nation. But while the rest of Schiavonia really isn't all that keen on their regional neighbours, the villages don't seem to mind them at all.

"They're not that bad!" said local councillor Pete Redman when we visited. "They have a more glorious history than just about anyone out there. And the current bad aren't that bad either. They can defend and break like no-one else."

"Of course, while we usually want the the Orange-Blues to do well, this week's game will be different. The blue will be replaced with scarlet when we play!"

Rumours that the Sloths would change their formation to accommodate their opponent's overtly defensive style have been officially declared as false by team manager Rodney Lowe. "Seleje... Selate... Setanlje..."

"Seletarakeledira Hanselijimijile." Pete Redman has assured us how the name is pronounced, though I think we're all still going to have problems.

"Their new coach, however you might say his name," continued Lowe, "he's got Rejistania playing in a much less defensive style than they used to. They even play in a formation that some normal teams might even use now, with only five defenders. All the same, they're still one of the most defensive teams in the world, but we'll have to be careful. Our usual 4-3-3 should work efficiently enough."

While we were visiting Rejistania, Schiavonia, we thought it would be a good idea to go to one of their neighbouring villages on Stentin, the aptly named Schiavonia Village, to see what they thought about the up-coming game.

"Yeah, whatever." One passer by told us, while another wondered why there was so much fuss about a game in the Stentin League. When we explained that it was an international game, they looked confused, so we left it at that.

Dance 2 Revolution watch on as Group 13 gets a scoring start

Dance 2 Revolution players looked on with itchy feet as Matchday 1 started without them. The players travelled to Cockbill Street to watch Cockbill Street play Dance 2 Revolution's opener opponents Nezza.

Cockbill Street cruised through this game 5 - 0 and controlled the game from first to last. Dance 2 Revolution will obviously be hoping that the lack of match practice that they have had before this game will be levelled by the demoralising effect of the 5 - 0 will have had on Nezza's players. Maeda, however, appeared to be quite concerned with what he saw.

Everyone in the media keeps telling me that i must be encouraged by the dreadful start that Nezza have had. I must say that I am not encouraged by this. Cockbill Street are a very good side, and not the best fixture to start the qualifying campaign with. But, to be frank, our team, in it's current state, will not be able to pull of the heroics of World Cup 17. I know that the Nezza players will be wanting to forget their Cockbill Street performance and will pull of all the stops to beat us and get back on track. Our players will need to have the same drive and determination or we will fall at the first hurdle.

Elsewhere in Group 13:

Giant Zucchini escaped from a pumped-up Elrich side with an 87th minute winner (3-2). Amorah shocked the football pundits to share the spoils against Eauz (1-1)

Elsewhere in Qualifying:

Vilita opened the qualifiers with their new Gung Ho attitude, blasting an amazing 10 past Gruenberg (10-5). System Karela started their campaign with a typical 0-0, expect to see many, many more goalless games in the land of defensive football. Kaze Progressa appear to be underachieving again as their match day 1 efforts ended in a heavy 4-2 home defeat from the heavy underdogs Schiavonia.

Meaningless Stats

So far the highest scoring group is Group 5 with 22 goals scored. 2nd is Group 15 with 18 goals scored.
4 games ended 0-0 on this Matchday. Defensive Minds Think Alike.

The Standings in Group 13:


Region 13 Pts W D L GF:GA GD
1. Cockbill Street 3 1 0 0 5:0 5
2. Giant Zucchini 3 1 0 0 3:2 1
3. Amorah 1 0 1 0 1:1 0
4. Eauz 1 0 1 0 1:1 0
5. Dance 2 Revolution 0 0 0 0 0:0 0
6. Elrich 0 0 0 1 2:3 -1
7. Nezza 0 0 0 1 0:5 -5



Matchday 1: Bye
Matchday 2: Dance 2 Revolution vs. Nezza (@ The PARANOiA ArenA)
Matchday 3: Amorah vs. Dance 2 Revolution
Matchday 4: Dance 2 Revolution vs. Elrich (@ The Dead End Arena)
Matchday 5: Dance 2 Revolution vs. Cockbill Street (@ The Naoki Maeda Stadium)
Matchday 6: Giant Zucchini vs. Dance 2 Revolution
Matchday 7: Eauz vs. Dance 2 Revolution
Matchday 8: Bye
Matchday 9: Nezza vs. Dance 2 Revolution
Matchday 10: Dance 2 Revolution vs. Amorah (@ The Sakurena)
Matchday 11: Elrich vs. Dance 2 Revolution
Matchday 12: Cockbill Street vs. Dance 2 Revolution
Matchday 13: Dance 2 Revolution vs. Giant Zucchini (@ The Naoki Maeda Stadium)
Matchday 14: Dance 2 Revolution vs. Eauz (@ The Naoki Maeda Stadium)

Stars storm out of gate, 4-0

WOODSTOCK (ASP) -- After a rare two match losing streak to close out World Cup XXV, the Sarzonian national football team were faced with an unusual situation. They were playing their first match in seemingly forever with the spectre of not having won in over four years hanging over the team's heads. With the retirement of defender Trevor Crenshaw, the team also turned to goalkeeper Horace Sandt as the captain, so few knew what to expect.

The Stars made it clear that they were going to remain a team on a mission. Sarzonia scored four goals in the space of 18 minutes between the first and second half and cruised to a 4-0 win over County Islands on the strength of goals by the Wilson brothers, Brian (two goals) and Kevin (one goal, three assists). Midfielder Jenna Raven also joined the goalgetting party (one goal, two assists) and Sandt turned aside three shots in the rout.

"We wanted to show the world that Sarzonia are back in the thick of things," Sandt said. "We did some positive things, but there were a few things that we need to work on and improve."

The Stars (1-0-0, three points, first place, Group 1) took nothing to chance, getting the first shot on goal just 45 seconds after the opening kickoff. They continued to apply the pressure on County Islands, firing 12 shots, including eight on goal in the first 37 minutes before they finally broke through on the scoresheet.

Kevin Wilson looked to cement his reputation as the hardest working player on a team known for its hard work and went a long way toward doing so by racing in to steal a clearing pass from a County Islands defender. When two players collapsed on Wilson, he deftly slid the ball to Raven, who drew the defence to her before firing a through ball to Brian Wilson. The veteran's clinical finish put the Stars ahead 1-0 and opened the floodgates.

Raven scored her goal just before the halftime whistle and after two minutes of stoppage time after she gathered in a rebound of a Brian Wilson shot and tapped it home. Brian and Kevin scored at the 50 and 55 minute marks respectively and the Stars were well on their way to the victory. Sarzonia travel to Apologetic Kittens, one of the Baptism of Fire teams, giving the Stars cause for wariness.

"You can't dismiss any team that has international experience," Coach Barry Owens said. "We're living proof of that with some ugly losses to some teams ranked much lower than we were."

Out of the Baptism, Into the Furnace
Three New Nations in Champions' Group

Group Seven was widely touted as perhaps the easiest Group ever for any defending World Cup Champions. The closest team - in terms of offical World Rankings - is New Montreal States. Apparently they once beat Rejistania back when the world was young, so at least they and Starblaydia have something in common. The other threat to Starblaydi supremacy are the Allied States, a nice little pair of Bekkside Derbies for the former neighbouring nations, which Starblaydia havent been involved in - in Qualifiers - for twelve years.

Other than that there is the Golden Throne, a place Starblaydia have some experience of, having had their veterans - including manager Khim Azanulbizarn and World Cup President Simeone Di Bradini - play in the nation for the first international Fustal Cup.

Finally there are three teams fresh from third-degree burns in the Baptism of Fire. All three nations - Southern Universe, Dagabom, and Keyshona - were quite spookily in the same Region of Rejistania, as the teams finished First, Third and Fifth respectively in that Group. Though Southern Universe were dispatched only on penalties in Matix kali, Starblaydia will have no fear against any team in this group, with only paying real respect to the Allied States' team.

Group 7
Nation - Rank - Prediction
Starblaydia - 3rd - 1st
New Montreal States - 33rd - 3rd
The Lowland Clans - 49th - 2nd
The Macabees - 92nd - 4th
Southern Universe - 145th - 5th
Dagabom - 161st - 7th
Keyshona - 205th - 6th

Starblaydia even played their B-side against Dagabom for the opening Matchday, with many onlookers wondering if Azanulbizarn thought he was still coaching the Under-21s.

"Ah ken that the team were a bit yungling fer most, but t'result showed me thought t'be true," said Azanulbizarn, "Paul 'n' 'Dash' could nae ask fer a better debut. Ah'm right pleased."

The average age of the players in Starblaydia's team was just 23, with only the ever-solid Garhildim-Leopoldo Lopez-Oberlander part of the defence remaining from what is considered to be the starting eleven.

19
Bedford

2 5 20 *3*
Garahildim Oberlander Belmozzi L. Lopez

15
16 Blanc 21
Noble Chavez
22
Rage

17 23
Nixon Tolkacheva

Paul Noble, making his senior debut along with Bedford, Belmozzi, Chavez, Rage and Tolkacheva, opened the scoring as he fired in wide from the right-hand side of the 6-yard box after a flick-on from Tommy Nixon. Dasha "Dash" Tolkacheva lived up to her nickname as she raced away from the entire Dagabom side, breaking from the halfway line after 69 minutes. After surging into the penalty area she composed herself for a moment and chipped the ball cheekily past the keeper to secure the match for Starblaydia.

Next up, the World Champions travel to Southern Universe, where they will probably play a somewhat stronger team from the bunch of kids who vanquished Dagabom.

Final Score from Victory Park, Vecchio:
Starblaydia 2 - 0 Dagabom
(Noble 14, Tolkacheva 70) - (None)

Announcer: Live from NVNN World Headquartes in Kellnersville. It's World Cup Tonight.. Brought to you by Llama Airlines, now crash-free since Thursday. Here's your hosts, Chris Blurrman and Stuart Snott

<the blue lights turn to white revealing the NVNN set and the two anchors. Chris, looking much older and unkept since his glory days 20 years ago, and Stuart: younger and trendier, wearing his trademark neon lime green jacket with sunglasses.>

Chris: one shot, one goal. That's all you need if you play Karelian footy.

Stuart: of course if you were watching at the bar, you probably needed more than one shot to wash the Blues World Cup opener away. Painful loss for the NorVoo, brother Chris.

Chris: but not totally unexpected... let's roll the highlights from Irkutsk as Northern Voobaha faces Hockey Canada.

<video of a totally desolate, snow-washed and icy pitch... with fans bundled up to fight the wind chill>

Chris: the frozen tundra takes new meaning when you visit the Canucks... and you know after Coach Patterson's "mullet" blast... Hockey Canada would be fired up for this one.

Stuart: Say what you will.. the homies in the HC are still down with the mullet and the Camaro Z28s.

Chris: first half action.. typical Hockey Canada.. play it back.. and set up for the deep ball.. It's Rahul "Chili" Kulkarni.. a blast .. and listen to this.. <PING> off the cross bar and behind Andrews. Third minute in.. and it's one nil..

Stuart: Sounds like my boy Gretz dinging one off the post from the blue line. by the way, your NVHL highlights from the indoor pond are up next..

Chris: And Hockey Canada know it as well and you and I.. if you play System Karel.. one is all you need... skipping ahead late first half.. the Voo puttin on the pressure.. Vrab on the far wing.. literally slips by Perrault <whoop> .. the chip from Kendara... out comes Thomas.. and down goes Vrab.

Stuart: when 5 foot 4 tries to slam dance with 6 foot 4.. he gonna feel like he got cracked with a two-by-four.

Chris: and tarjeta non... no card.

Stuart: can a brother get some justice on the field?

Chris: Ahead to the second half..

Stuart: and it's brought to you by Sleepinal... you watch much of this, you'll be driftin off to sleep and all.. Typical Karel.. the HC only pushes the ball past midflield 4 times in the the final 45. They'll be happy to play some wicked D, and pick up the 3.

Chris: your final --- Hockey Canada one, eh. The PNV nil. So the smack talk led to a smack down.

Next up on the hit parade.. The Blue comes home, to sunnier, warmer climates for Krytenia, who dropped a six nil shutout on Fbrenia.

Stuart: and on that note.. we out. For Chris, I'm Stuart... the Voo and the KRY tomorrow night right here.. Peace.

<as the music comes back in.. the lights fade bock to the blue that covers the set in eerie shadows... go ahead, change the channel now. it's late. >

http://i21.photobucket.com/albums/b274/John_Spinks/Elrichlogopaint.jpg

WOLFMAN HOWLER PILES PRESSURE ON BASSETT
Elrich Zuck against the Zuchinis

The Kingdom of Elrich last night slipped to a 3-2 loss against 10 man Giant Zucchini in the first game of the Badger's World Cup 26 Qualifying Game. In an entertaining match played at a fast tempo, Elrich had recovered from a goal down to lead 2-1 just after half-time but two awful mistakes from the controversial debutant The Wolfman resulted in defeat.

The Wolfman's inclusion in Mike Bassett's starting line-up was one of severe contoversy, not least by the travelling Elrichian "Yellow Army" who made their feelings heard by booing the Wolfman throughout the game. Manager Bassett had already been publically warned by the FA over the Wolfman's inclusion, and this poor performance only heaps the pressure on Bassett further.

Elrich had lined up against the home-sides 3-1-4-2 formation in their usual 4-4-2 formation, with Norbert Scaramanga and the Wolfman making their debuts in defense. An end to end half saw chances on either side but Chekhov's far post header meant that Elrich entered the away dressing-room a goal down to the team ranked 32 places below them.

Whatever Mike Bassett said to his players at half-time it worked, the Badgers came out after the break a team on fire, and after Matthew Allen slotted past goalkeeper Hendrik Groot minutes after the restart, Elrich sent the travelling support wild when he rose like the proverbial salmon to suede home from a superb left-wing Scaramanga cross. In a second half in which Elrich dominated, it was essential from Zucchini's point of view that they took what chances came to them. Unfortunately for the Badgers they did. A needless and stupid off the ball foul by the Wolfman presented the Zucchinis with a free-kick on the edge of the box. Young talent Johann Rilke stepped up and curled an unstoppable free-kick past the desparing dive of Burns.

Elrich responded well with Robin Banks coming close, and Bassett threw on Jimmy Grimble and debutant Cornelius Cucumber for Zebedee and the dissapointing Mudge in search for the winning goal. things got better for Elrich when Zucchinian winger Mikhail Glinka was dismissed for a boot to face on young winger Matt Allen. THe decision was controversial to say the least, and with the Elrichian winger only standing at just over 4 feet it seems they have some grounds for appeal.

Elrich piled on the pressure in the latter stages, and it looked only a matter of time before they got the winning goal, with Grimble inches away from connecting with Cucumber's low ball across the face of goal. However with only minutes remaining, disaster struck. A long ball to Poulson on the right touchline seemed harmless, but a moronic lunge from the marking Wolfman missed both player and ball (but not the advertising boards) and left a gaping hole in the Elrichian defence. A superb flick to the onrushing Rilke saw the youngster lash his shot home from the edge of the area, and condemned Elrich to an opening day defeat.

FINAL SCORE - Giant Zucchini 3 - 2 The Kingdom of Elrich

LINEUP - Burns, Scaramanga, Wolfman, P Spinks, Scott, Zebedee (Cucumber 72), J Spinks, Banks, Allen, Mudge (Grimble 72)


Group 13 - Unlucky for some?

This week's earlier qualifying draw saw Elrich drawn alongside Cockbill Street, Eauz, last night's Giant Zucchini as well as minow nations Amorah, Nezza and Dance 2 Revolution. With only two teams progressing from the Group Stage, the third ranked Elrich will need luck on their side if they are to reach the finals for the first time in their history. Luck will have to be on the Badger's side, and in Group 13, maybe this isn't something Mike Bassett should rely on.

GROUP 13
[11] Cockbill Street
[19] Eauz
[56] Elrich
[88] Giant Zucchini
[149] Amorah
[178] Nezza
Dance 2 Revolution

"Ricky, are you mad?"

George "Buddy" Wilkinson, a friend of noted bookmaker Ricky Stromboli and an up-and-comer in the profession himself, was at the same place he would typically be found on a Monday afternoon − The Stalking Lion, widely regarded as the best bar in the 500 block of South Porthbalfa Avenue in Hendersonburg. Its patrons insisted that the fact that it was the only bar on that block was purely coincidental. Buddy rarely drank alone, and today Ricky was with him, having just started his lunch break.

"Five hundred to one against Cataduanes? Come on, Ricky, this isn't Abysmalistan we're talking about here! I mean, okay, I could understand if this was, say, their first match ever, but they've just been through a Baptism, for crying out loud!"

"You doubt my judgment?" Stromboli inquired. "I've been in this business for twenty-three years; I think I know what the hell I'm doing."

"Well, lucky for you, the odds are still so against our opponents that there's still no way they're gonna win, so it'll actually come out in your favor this time with your 1-80 odds on Bedistan when they should really be more like 1-25. But you'd better watch out on the closer matches. The Ogle match and especially the Archregimancy match could dig deep into your pockets, friend."

"Hah. I can tell you're drunk already, Buddy. Just leave it to the pros."

* * *

http://bellsouthpwp.net/h/a/harleyt_1387/bsd_banner.png

Four reasons to be happy

SONOMA CITY − All those wearing green and navy yesterday to support their Lions in the opening match of World Cup 26 qualifying are happy today, with their team having achieved a very respectable 4-0 win over Cataduanes.

The match started off slowly, as striker Tommy Bob Valentín suffered from nerves for much of the first half, leading him to miss a 23rd-minute free kick on the edge of the box. It was his partner in crime, Billy English, that opened the scoring with a 14-yard diagonal shot that sneaked in behind the keeper to make it 1-0.

The second half, however, really showed Bedistan's new more attacking style of play. Hallad Reavers winger Greg Moon doubled the scoring in the 53rd minute with a long 25-yarder. Toward the end of the match, the Cataduanes players really began to show their lack of endurance, and the defense was unable to handle the continued Bedistani barrage, as English scored his second and Valentín finally got on the board to bring the final score to 4-0.

"It was a good display," remarked manager Kenter Surf after the match. "Some good attacking football, that's what I like."

finalscore
Bedistan 4 (English 33, 72; Moon 53; Valentín 85)
Cataduanes 0

playerofthematch
Bedistan: Greg Moon (9/10)
Cataduanes: Adolfo Mumbalo (7/10)

currentstandings
Region 11 Pts W D L GF:GA GD
1. Bedistan 3 1 0 0 4:0 4
2. The Archregimancy 1 0 1 0 2:2 0
PopularFreedom 1 0 1 0 2:2 0
Oglethorpia 1 0 1 0 0:0 0
Anathematic Republics 1 0 1 0 0:0 0
6. United Island Empires 0 0 0 0 0:0 0
7. Cataduanes 0 0 0 1 0:4 -4

nextmatch
Bedistan's next match will be nothing like any match they've ever played before, as they travel to Hell itself to confront the Anathematic Republics. An extremely heavy home advantage in this match is to be expected.

Stromboli's odds:
Anathematic Republics: 4-1
Draw: 3-1
Bedistan: 5-6

thsd:NEWS

Fighting Fbrenia Fall Flat
by Rami Niblick in Everton City

IT may have looked like a rout, but the scoreline was a little harsh on a Fbrenian side that was full of heart. The six-nil scoreline was a testament more to the perseverance of the Aces' strike force than any weakness in the defence.

Krytenia took a full half hour to take the lead, Robin Spivey hitting a shot from range that went in off the post. Spivey added a second before half time, heading home from a corner, but it was a tough fought first half; indeed, Mahonas managed a shot wide of the post that drew groans from the fans of Fbrenia (and a number of Krytenians who had warmed to the side).

Gabriel Kennedy had a fun time at the start of the second half, scoring the "perfect hat-trick" in a six-minute spell of defensive madness. A left foot volley made it three-nil; whilst a headed corner and a well-placed right-foot penalty made it five.

With ten minutes to go, Krytenia earned a free-kick on the edge of the box, and when Kevin Keda's shot was parried away by Diego Quiroga, sub Chris Brannix was there to become the first Leston Town player to score for the national side, just a quarter of an hour into his debut.

So, three points and new friends, the players giving the Fbrenian side a guard of honour as they left the pitch. Northern Voobaha are next, and after their performance against Hockey Canada, victory is by no means a given, especially on the road.

In other news, former Avidia City manager Seletao kept the "Rejistanian Way" of karelan football, but added a modest dash of Krytenian flair as the Orange-Blues brushed aside Pyrologists911 by two goals to nil.

KRYTENIA - 6
Spivey 30, 43
Kennedy 46, 49, 51 (pen)
Blannix 80

FBRENIA - 0


SCORERS
G. Kennedy - 3
R. Spivey - 2
C. Blannix - 1

SCHEDULE:
MD1: H v FBR W 6-0 (Isserson Stadium, Everton City, EC)
MD2: A v NVO ?????
MD3: H v SPA ????? (Mercia Stadium, Bromham, CP)
MD4: A v HCN ?????
MD5: A v FSX ?????
MD6: H v WEE ????? (Isserson Stadium, Everton City, EC)
MD7: BYE - NO GAME
MD8: A v FBR ?????
MD9: H v NVO ????? (Lays Road Ground, Leston, LS)
MD10: A v SPA ?????
MD11: H v HCN ????? (Isserson Stadium, Everton City, EC)
MD12: H v FSX ????? (Walton Gardens, Simpson, OU)
MD13: A v WEE ?????
MD14: BYE - NO GAME

World Cup Reporters
Hiiraanese Group Heats Up, First Game to be played in Nationale Stadia di Møgädisho

As anticipated, Hiiraan's Fellow Group members were all out yesterday as each team went out to the football pitch to win. meanwhile, Hiiraanese players sat down and watched each group 6 game. "The Players sat down and watched the games, we were studying how our opponents were playing and especially, how we can take advantage of the flaws presented by Rolatia on their recent game" said the coach Mohamed Luure in front of the Nationale Stadia di Møgädisho. "I am not worries how we are going to do" said Hiiraanese Forward Zakariya Mohamed of Bosaso FC "We all know we are ready, we have been ready for quite a while, all we want to know is how will we do, how will we perform against Rolatia?" he told reporters.

The coach was also told that the first game home will be played Nationale Stadia di Møgädisho, which he was training the players in for the last 6 days. The Largest Stadia in Šomaliø, The Stadium is expected to be NFFH's cash cow tomorrow. "We expect the stadium to be full tomorrow, and downtown Møgädisho will be filled as result, we have busy day ahead of us, its our first game back to the International soccer world, we are hosting a team that has been alwways challanged in defense, and we expect the team to do well " said Stadium Manager Aswad Malik.

The Prime Minister, Members of the Parliament, members of the armed forces and many high ranking business men and women are also expected to attend the game tomorrow, although it has not yet been confirmed. The Prime minister gave some hints he was excited about the game tomorrow, however, some members of parliament clearly said they will be in the stands tomorrow.

Next Game
Hiiraan vs Rolatia
Nationale Stadia di Møgädisho

Starblaydia will have no fear against any team in this group, with only paying real respect to the Allied States' team.

USUAL RIOTS IN NEW MONTREAL

Paladins fans vow to cut "Men in Mauve" down a notch or three

NEW MONTREAL - The first genuine "footie rage" riots since the NMS returned to World Cup play swept through New Montreal in light of certain comments made by the Starblaydi press, reprinted above.

Fans took to the streets in protest, congregating outside the Paladin Dome and calling for...well, a lot of things, all at the same time. But they weren't happy.

Coach William Branstone, a native of Audioslavia, remarked: "I'd heard this was a local custom, but I'd never seen it in action. These people are crazy, but they're on our side, and that's all that matters.

A song has been written already, and is being distributed to fans by Loic Perron, the former Paladins midfielder who has gone on to fame and fortune in the world of business.

(with my apologies to the Red Hot Chili Peppers)

Well, I'm gonna slide a black-and-white ball
Right through Lopez’s heels
They can throw us anything
It gets stopped at the midfield
Well, we’ll shoot the ball and shoot some more
And pick up thirteen goals

Blue and silver running wild
Right past Starblaydi D, yeah...
Huh, Starblaydi D

Paladins charging past the Starblaydis
They can smell blood
An' blood never lies
Now say goodbye

True men don't
Wear mauve shorts
True men don't
Wear mauve shorts

The Schiavone Scribe
HIIRAAN STEALS FONT!

In a shock move, Schiavonia's national font, known internationally as Copperplate Gothic Bold, has been kidnapped by Hiiraani publication World Cup Reporters (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=10259546&postcount=79).

The font, which is used all over the Kingdom of United Islands of Schiavonia, had been unique to all things Schiavone until last night, when it was used by the Hiiraanis for the first time.

People across Schiavonia are now having to find other fonts to use for formal publications. We at the Schiavone Scribe have been forced into using this overly curvy font that we found at the back of a filing cabinet. It doesn't quite have the same effect, does it?

If anyone knows about the whereabouts of our national font or it's kidnappers, please inform the Schiavone Police on emergency number 111.

(OOC: Turori's not posted, and according to Jolt he's been gone since 26th ovember and on NS it's 19 days. So I'll use his WC24 preferences. And for the love of God people, PLEASE post your formation, rosters and such if you are here - it's pretty hard to decently RP without them! I snagged Turori's WC24 roster if any of my group mates want it. It's at http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=9350299&postcount=2)


The Rolatian Telegraph - 5th September 2008
Rolatia fall badly - as expected
The Rolatian team have fallen badly against number 8th ranked opponents Turori in a tough away game, taking a 4-0 pounding and now currently safely at the bottom of their group. It wasn't a good start to the tournament for a Rolatian team plagued by incredibly bad luck - it was expected Rolatia would lose, but there was hopes they could keep the difference down to two or three goals, or at least actually score a few goals.

However, it was not to be. The full-strength Rolatian team looked decent early on - Oliver Morgan almost hit a 7th minute strike into the net, but it was heroically saved by the Turorian goalkeeper. The strong attack soon disappeared, and in the 28th minute, a strike was made by Jutar Ranaso that David Ramar just could not save - it was 1-0 to the Turori. It continued during the first half and would do so into the second, with a deft 1-2 followed by a strike on goal again by Jutar Ranaso leading to a 2-0 lead for Turori into half-time

A few substiutions were made in the half time - Verres was taken off for Jasofiah, and Vokisp for Rogers - but it didn't do much good in the long run. A 59th minute free kick scored by Brad Edwards and a 63rd minute penalty after Timothy Arast tripped Koiba Uviava - Arast was yellow carded - in the area was scored, leaving the team 4-0 down. However, that was the last of the goals, and Rolatia avoided complete humiliation thanks to several superb saves and kicks from goalkeeper David Ramar and defenders Timothy Arast and Thomas Jojufag.

Rolatia are now looking towards the next game - an encounter with Hiraan. When asked about the game post-match, Rolatian manager Johnathan Gatri said "Well, it's away against the lowest-ranked team in the KPB. That said, I'm not too sure whether we're going to win this one - I've seen them play and train, and they're an impressive outfit. I can't call this one either way.". The match takes place on the 8th September 2008

(OOC: As far as my country is concerned, this is the 2010 World Cup)

thsd:NEWS

Font Found In Paper Bag

THE Schiavone Copperplate font, feared stolen by Hiiraan, was found yesterday in a brown paper bag at Avidia Airport.

It is believed that the font was in transit by a Hiiraani on board a flight from Mogadishu to place it in a "safe house" in technologically backward Cockbill Street; however this has not been confirmed.

thsd:NEWS have verified this as the true font, and shall return it to the offices of the Schiavone Scribe forthwith.

http://i16.photobucket.com/albums/b20/Casari/4sport.png

First Matchday victory leaves fans happy
Coach Hill somewhat enraged at "[expletive] Karelan Score"

The 1-0 victory at National sent fans home happy, as the Confeds try to prove that the freakishly fast rise to the top flights of international soccer isn't some random fluke in the system.

The sole goal of the contest, remarkably, wasn't scored by star Andy Ronalo, but the 63rd minute replacement of Mike Newberry on the Right Wing, Edward Roe. The striker for the fully Karelan Shelby FC hit the goal on a freak turnover cross from fellow sub Jared Livingston. The goal had come after a full hour of Casaran attacks were miraculously repulsed by a determined Kazoo Defense.

"We're not breaking through like we used to, which is very worrying." Hill said to the press, while the crowd was still audiably singing in the stands after the match. "But an opening win is much better than we've done before. We need to get on a roll and build a little momentum through this strech as we build up for our match against Turori."

Turori, the giants of the group, are clearly the focus of the team's training and preperation, almost at the expense of lower ranked opponents.

"It's a risk. I'll admit that. But those games could make the success or failure of the campaign, along with matches against Yafor 2." Hill said.

Next, the Tigers are headed OOC, to show their wares off in Swilatia, where hopefully the party will continue for the away fans.

Around the rest of the Group, Turori dismantled the team from Rolatia in a four-nil win, while Yafor 2 defeated Casari's next opponents Swilatia two to one. A matchday with 38 decisive results in 45 matches seems remarkable, and is hopefully a feature of matchdays to come. If nothing else, we could use the points.

CURRENT RECORD: 1-0-0 3pts +1
CURRENT POSITION: T-2nd, 3 goals down

World Cup Reporters
Šomaliø Condems Schiavonia for calling the Hiiraanese people "Hiiraani"

The Republic of Šomaliø has officially condenmed Schiavonia for calling the Hiiraanese people "Hiiraani" sometime this morning. "that is just not our name" said one of the foreign affairs national spokeperson. "This is not the adjective used to describe us, we are the Hiiraanese people, not Hiiraani, its just stupid to call us Hiiraani"

The Foreign Ministry also condenmed krytenia, "Hiiraan does not steal fonts" said the spokeperson. "we also cannot control the actions taken by any news agency in Hiiraan, of course, we are a democracy, we can go about controlling the people" added the Foreign Ministry spokeperson.

World Cup reporters Reporter Arrested

Yusuf Jamma Mustaf has been arrested after he was caught in his house today with Schiavonia's national font. Copperplate Gothic Bold has been transported via one of the Hiiraanese national cargo carriers. "Mr Mustaf will be prosecuted and as we speak, the Font is being returned to Schiavonia" said the Prosecutor in charge of the case.

More to come on this story, so stay tuned to the Font Stealers... argg.... World Cup Reporters.

WARRIORS HOPES HIGH AFTER WC DRAW

The Praying2God Warriors certainly have a good reason to feel that they have a realistic chance to qualify for WC XXVI after discovering that they are the third seed in their group. The Warriors have never faced any of the teams in their group, but that could benefit the Warriors as their opponents will be just as unfamiliar with the CoH XVII 3rd place finishers. The Warriors will for the first time in their history not have a team ranked in the top ten in the world in their group, and for the first time since WC XXII, won't have the team ranked 9th in the world in their group. Who do the Warriors have to beat if they hope to qualify for WC XXVI?

Fmjphoenix (13): A team that's been around for a while, and has had a reasonable amount of success over the years. They will certainly prove to be a challenge for the Warriors, though a win between the two matches against them is not out of the question. Predicted Finish: 1st place

Bettia (23): Another high-quality side that could give the Warriors some problems, though we thought the same sort of thing about Commerce Heights before WC XXV, and we swept them. The two matches against them should be very competitive, with a split a very realistic possibility. Predicted Finish: 3rd Place

Praying2God (43): We're coming in with a lot of international confidence after finishing 3rd in CoH XVII on home soil, only a couple of disputable calls kept us out of the final. The key will be to avoid a slow start with four straight road matches. We have a tendency to play well for one half of qualifying and poorly in the other (WC XXIV being the exception). So, a strong start with four consecutive road matches in the first half of qualifying, is a must for the Warriors to have any hopes of qualifying. Predicted Finish: 2nd Place

Da WhoseLine People (76): Who? They've apparently been around for a WC or two to be ranked in the top 100, but they're not somebody that most of P2G knows anything about. Being the fourth seed in this group makes them somebody that the Warriors and their fans will be keeping a close eye on, and where better to start than the opener in the House of Prayer. A sweep is a very realistic possibility against them. Predicted Finish: 5th Place

The Ardenne (155): A newcomer to the WC, but not somebody to take lightly. Not slipping against them is a must for the Warriors if they have a desire to qualify. Not much is known about this team though. Predicted Finish: 6th Place

Tanah Burung (161): This could be serious trouble. Another nation returning to the WC after a good deal of time away, which was a thorn in the Warriors' side in WC XXV, as Alasdair I Frosticus stirred up plenty of controvery with their surprisingly strong run at qualifying despite being unranked at the start of the WC. A higher ranked TB side is a cause for great concern to Warriors fans. Predicted Finish: 4th Place

Basicota (205): Another unknown side to the Warriors, who appear to have played in the most recent BoF, with very limited success. The Warriors should have no problem with them, but the Warriors can't afford to overlook anybody if they want to qualify. However, you might see more of the Warriors reserves in the two matches against Basicota than you do in the other matches. Predicted Finish: 7th Place

OOC: Teletext exists to provide additional information in the TV program.

On the page 202 on the teletext of TV Esuvorto 1


Orange-Blues win opening game

The Orange-Blues have defeated Pyrologists911
by a score of 2:0. The match in Sike kali showed
many tactical errors from the Junis-Omeh'ny. The
Rejistanian coach said after the match that he
'expected too much tactical versetality, which
has to be learned and is currently lacking'.

Sejil'he scored once and assisted once in this
defensive match against the underdogs.

Rejistania 2 Pyrologists911 0
(Sejil 26th, Exke 83rd)

WARRIORS LEAVE DA WHOSELINE PEOPLE SPEECHLESS IN ROUT

The Praying2God Warriors put up a convincing rout of Da WhoseLine People in front of a packed House of Prayer in their WC XXVI opener, winning 3-1. For this match anyway, the blend of youth and experience on the field for the Warriors seemed to blend beautifully. New starter, Kylie Holly wasted no time in proving that she belongs in the Warriors line-up, scoring off a feed by fellow new midfield starter Jessica Stevenson in the 4th minute. Ashley Gore expanded the lead to 2-0 in the 22nd minute off a back pass by Thomas Larson. Larson then proved why he's amongst the best forwards in the world by leaving DWLP goalkeeper dumbfounded as he beat him in the 39th minute off a feed from fellow forward Kelly Carter. At halftime, the Warriors made their alloted three substitutions, which may become a more common sight for the Warriors during this WC. Defenders Danielle Karlson and Ryan Stone came on for veteran defenders Christine Holly and Claire Paulson, leaving the Warriors backline very inexperienced with nobody with previous WC experience on the field. Midfielder Brittany Law saw what might be the first of several appearances, taking the place of Jessica Stevenson, who might be in her last WC. DWLP took advantage of the inexperience of the Warriors defenders early in the second half to score their lone goal of the match, before the Warriors defense got used to playing together and shutting down any remaining attempts that DWLP made to narrow the score.

Coach Gabriel Mallors was new to this World Cup with all it had going for it. Luckily he had some help. A number of observers from the nation's premier football league (http://ns.goobergunch.net/wiki/index.php/PopularFreedom_Bay_Football_League) had come to help him as he prepared for the World Cup. It definetly was a benefit too. Despite their advice and encouragement he still doubted that they really thought his team would do quite that well. The Central Titans (http://ns.goobergunch.net/wiki/index.php/Central_Titans), the new premier champs, had already lost once internationally so this year was assumed to go as well for the nation's best team as the last with the North Beach Sharks (http://ns.goobergunch.net/wiki/index.php/North_Beach_Sharks) did.

Then again at least the fans representing the Titans would behave at international events unlike the many incident between Shark fans and others. However Gabriel was digressing. He was mulling over the tapes from his recent draw with THE ARCHREGIMANCY (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=10256363&postcount=48). Ranked 38th in the world they were a team to be taken seriously, then again however Gabriel was even more disturbed at the lack of information he had on them. Only 3 teams including his own had posted rosters, then again his associates had told him such things were to be expected.

Either way his team had played well today. Evan Timulburger had scored off a giveaway at the 5 minute mark to open the scoring and silence the crowd. Twelve minutes later Timulburger again was able to score a second and put worry into the home side from a penalty. While no Shawn Peruvo (http://ns.goobergunch.net/wiki/index.php/Shawn_Peruvo), Timulburger was definetly someone to fear if given the right opportunity.

From there however Gabriel's team had to hang on to the lead. Something that they were able to do until one of the opposing forwards outran defender Celio Zulira for the ball and was able to nail it home in the 62nd minute to cut the lead to one. Minutes later in the 71st minute it was then tied as after a Timulburger shot hit the crossbar the opposing squad brought the ball down the field and then were able to make their way through the defenders before putting it home.

The remaining minutes proved nothing as both teams accepted the draw though not before Gabriel had yanked Celio Zulira and replaced him with Ivan Srithe as middle defender. He knew Celio would be ticked and he was at the decision but his job was to win, and so he just did his job.

As he pulled out the tape he began to watch some of the tapes from the other two games played in his pool. He especially was interested in watching the formation of the Bedistan club. The Bedistan roster (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=10199440&postcount=31) was definetly something he would keep an eye on along with their game tapes for when his team played them. He did not need a reminder of how PopularFreedom had done the last time they played this squad. Actually now that he thought about it he did since he could not remember the score off hand, just that he was sure his nation had lost.

Gabriel yanked out the Cataduanes roster (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=10204094&postcount=34) while he thought about this.

Three rosters total he thought to himself and shook his head as he prepared his strategy for the next match before a knock at the door interrupted his thoughts.

It was Shawn Peruvo (http://ns.goobergunch.net/wiki/index.php/Shawn_Peruvo), arguably the top player in the league. Gabriel pointed to the rosters he had and noted to Shawn,

'I cannot believe, only these rosters are posted'

Shawn looked at him puzzled, pulled out a copy of The Archregimancy roster (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=10196562&postcount=25). 'This has been available for a while actually, actually I got it before you posted yours to be honest, just had it handy after watching the game you guys played today', he noted to coach Gabriel.

Coach Gabriel thanked him sheepishly and began to look over the roster wishing he had had it for the game.

SAINTS MODERATELY OPTIMISTIC FOR WC XXVI AFTER DRAW

The Pastorville Saints were moderately pleased by their draw for WC XXVI. They are the third seed in their group, and none of the nations behind them seem to be likely to make a serious run at qualifying. While it is highly unlikely that the Saints will actually qualify, they should be able to give it a good run. The top two seeds in their group should easily be able to go through to the next round. Here's a summary of the other teams in the Saints group:

Liverpool England (6): A recent world champion should have little trouble with the Saints, though a draw in Pastorville isn't totally out of the realm of possibility. They should run away with this group, and not even break a sweat in the process. Predicted Finish: 1st Place

Five Civilized Nations (25): A relatively unknown side, but apparently pretty good to be ranked in the top 30 in the world. They'll prove to be too good for the Saints to surprise. Though, it's likely that they won't make much noise after the group play stage. Predicted Finish: 2nd Place

Pastorville (58): We made a surprising run to the CoH XVII quarterfinals before running smack into a white-hot Praying2God team. We should be able to play with the two sides seeded above us in this group, though we probably won't be blessed with enough points against them to qualify. Predicted Finish: 3rd Place

The Islands of Qatar (104): Who? They're somebody that we have no knowledge of, but are not somebody to overlook. The could provide a challenge to the Saints seeming lock on 3rd place if the Saints aren't careful. Predicted Finish: 5th Place

East Lithuania (155): Somebody that we've seen around before, though they've never had a huge amount of success. They also could give the Saints a run for their money for 3rd place in this group. Predicted Finish: 4th Place

Firania (161): Apparently somebody in their first WC, but that doesn't mean they're somebody that the Saints can afford to take lightly. After all, we were fresh from the BoF in WC XXV and made a decent showing. Still, somebody that the Saints should be able to take six points against. Predicted Finish: 6th Place

Language Teachers (209): Who? Apparently a multi-lingual team, but not a serious contender to do much damage. The Saints still can't afford to look past them if they have any remote dreams of qualifying. Predicted Finish: 7th Place

End of RP time! Scores to be posted soon!

SAINTS OPEN WITH DRAW

The Pastorville Saints opened their WC XXVI qualifying campaign with a 0-0 draw against The Islands of Qatar that would make the karelans quite happy before a packed national stadium. A draw against the next seed down from you is typically not a bad thing, but was not the desired result considering the large gap in the rankings between the two nations. The Saints get a day to rest, and try to work out the kinks in their game before going on the road for four straight matches beginning with a trip to 25th ranked Five Civilized Nations.

Alexandria Times-Tribune-Post-Gazette-Chronicle-Journal-Enquirer

Sports Section

Fairbanks lands on feet, gets job with Oliverry

Jonathan Fairbanks will finally get a chance to coach a team in the World Cup. Unfortunately for the Milchama Warriors, its Oliverry as he was named their new coach yesterday. As Oliverry are also the hosts of this World Cup, Fairbanks automatically gets into the World Cup as their coach. Here is what he said about this oppurtunity, "I'm happy that I'm lucky enough to get this oppurtunity. Its not often that I any person can get another job internationally espiecially with a quality side like Oliverry." When asked about the language gap Fairbanks said, "I have travelled in Collonie, so I know some French, still it will take time for me to understand the language." And as for the formation he will use Fairbanks was adament said, "I will play the 3-3-4. They understand the 2-3-5 so the 3-3-4 will not be a big adjustment for them. I expect them to be playing the 3-3-4 by the time this World Cup comes around and if not then, then by WC 27 at the latest."

Somebody from the OFC has said that they will try to talk Fairbanks into playing at 2-3-5.

There was a great excitement at TeleBaz stadium in the city of Fauxhan... not because anyone thought the Bazalopes had a chance against Squornshelous, the 4th ranked soccer team in the world was playing in Bazalonia.... everyone one expected a rout.. even with the secret that was installed.

But let's go and see the BazSports coverage of this match....

"Welcome to the Bazalopes first home game of their World Cup Tour. The Bazalopes first match against the nedalia lions ended by the Bazalopes losing 3 to 2. Todays match is an even tougher challenge as they face the worlds 4th best team, Squornshelous. It's time for the national anthems as the teams come on the field. There is also alot of buzz exactly what the surprise that coach Hawdon had hinted at in a press conference. The players go onto the field and stand in lines either side of a large covered area in the middle of the field. It's Bazalonia's national anthem first...

Bazalonia, Where the Bazalope runs free
There's a place that we call home
Our Wonderous Land

Bazalonia, where our hearts are set upon
There is nowhere else like you
our wonderous home

Bazalonia, our pride and joy you are
There you stand a shinning light
illuming our way

And as our nation grows
We'll build our nations might
Our Land, Our Home
Bazalonia, We love you
Bazalonia, We love you


Retrieved from "http://ns.goobergunch.net/wiki/index.php/Bazalonia"



"... now it's time for the Squornshelous national anthem... Hang on... the covering is being sucked into the ground.. oh... my.... Under cover was a big bottom pointed towards the Squornshelous players.... Oh my.... They certainly look like like they are not happy... Where it seems also a surprise for the Bazalopes..."

"The Squornshelous team looks stunned as the midfielders quickly pass the ball between themselves and ... Irchov Micheal has given the ball he shoots and scores... the ball just managed to squeek past the Squornshelous goalkeeper..... The Bazalopes leads 1-0 against the world number 4's....

... It's the 50th minute and the Bazalopes defense has been quite solid the score is still 1-nil... The Bazalopes have pulled an amazing defense.. nothing like people would expect from a team ranked 126th playing the 4th ranked team... but Squornshelous now has the ball as Johanes Bask had taken the ball out of bounds. The Squornshelous team seem reakky determined they make progress into the Bazalonian Half... The Bazalopes seem to be unable to stop them for the moment... now they are in the goallie box... they shooot and score... Squornshelous has tied the game 1 all...."

And the game had ended without any real incidents... Well some one got yellow carded and a loose ball from the crowd got onto the field but that was it.

Coach Caine Hawdon in the After Match press conference in regards to the big bottomed insult to the Squornshelous team
"We where just having a joke... As if we thought that Squornshelous would give us the chance... any chance, we drew.... You say because of the big behind we say because of our master strategy. It wasn't like we didn't warn you guys...."

http://i16.photobucket.com/albums/b20/Casari/4sport.png

That old sinking feeling comes back with away draw
A little help from the rest of the group kicks the Confeds up to first

Another matchday left the travelling fans unsatisfied with a 1-1 away tie with Swilatia, but the result was much more pleasant. The Loss sustained by Yafor 2 gave Casari lose posession of second place on the group table, headed into their match at Casari National the next matchday.

Andy Ronalo returned to his scoring ways, managing to put a well-placed shot into the net during the 6th minute. The defense tightened up at that point, and Casari's continuing attacks fell apart while Swilatia managed to put a shot past Salvitore Rooney at the 41st minute, just before halftime. The second half passed with several chances for the visitors, but none were converted.

"Our defense should have held. I missed the tackle that created the hole. It was my fault." Defenseman Javis LeMurry said after the match.

Now, Casari is home for a pair of matches, more than likely the toughest of qualifying, against Yafor 2 and Turori. Luckily, the weather might be in Casari's favor.

"We've always been better in the rain. Last cup, it gave us several important wins when the pitch quality turned south and we were able to use our speed to break away from the pack." Coach Hill said. "The home advantage is vital, and we need all the points at home we can get."

Questions about what will happen to the pitch if the nation's capital suffers the prolonged rains it did 4 years ago are being asked by several parties. At several points, the exposed center of the field became so muddy it was virtually impossible to play through, forcing teams to attempt to lob the ball across the field to the forwards. The skill of the Casaran team, who play many domestic league games in incliment weather, shined through.

The new pitch at National, laid down after efforts was made to improve drainage under the field, were somewhat successful, but as most heavy play takes place at the stadium in the spring and the fall, the pitch still requires a solid test in wet conditions.

"Meh, they never should have messed with it." A random fan said. "The mud is half the fun."

THE ARCHREGIMANCY BRINGS YOU

WORLD CUP TONIGHT

With Fr. Nicholas the Scribe and Fr. John the Golden-Throated


"So.... Fr. John... No Archregimancy match overnight, then..."

"No indeed, Fr. Nicholas - but that doesn't mean the World Cup's come to a halt... merely that we had a bye overnight"

"Well, then, how about you take us through the other group 11 matches. Any surprises?"

"Absolutely, and no result was as surprising as:

Anathematic Republics 1 Bedistan 0 Our refusal to have anything to do with Hell means that we're not sure what happened there, but we send our sincere condolences to Bedistan - and if any of the players need exorcising, they know where to come"

"Why, Fr. John, are you suggesting they use our training facilities?"

"Exorcising, not exercising."

"Oh. Sorry. Carry on, then"

"Well, PopularFreedom 0 Oglethorpia 1 won't come as a surprise - a return to form for both teams there, and while United Island Empires 2 Cataduanes 1 is something of an upset, it's not quite as earth-shattering as Satan's victory over Bedistan. All of which leaves the group looking like:

Region 11 Pts W D L GF:GA GD
1. Oglethorpia 4 1 1 0 1:0 1
Anathematic Republics 4 1 1 0 1:0 1
3. Bedistan 3 1 0 1 4:1 3
4. United Island Empires 3 1 0 0 2:1 1
5. The Archregimancy 1 0 1 0 2:2 0
6. PopularFreedom 1 0 1 1 2:3 -1
7. Cataduanes 0 0 0 2 1:6 -5

But it's early days yet. I'd wait a couple more matches before we can see some form developing, especially given the weekly byes"

"And what about the Anathematic Republics controversy?"

"Well, surely you know better than most.... let's end tonight's show by looking at your most recent newspaper article on the subject:"


MONASTIC TIMES

HOLY SYNOD UNILATERALLY ACCEPTS ARIDDIAN OFFER
Matches Against Satan to be Played on Neutral Ground

By Fr. Nicholas the Scribe


The Holy Synod and Monastic Football Association today announced that they were unilaterally accepting Ariddia's offer to host the home and away legs of the Archregimancy's forthcoming footballing confrontation with the Anathematic Republics.

"The Archregimancy's football squad stands ready and prepared to face Satan's minions on the field of play," said a senior archimandrite, speaking on condition of anonymity "but we will no more permit the Hell-sent to enter our nation than we will permit our brave servants of God to enter Hell. That decision is final. We will show up on the designated day on the field designated by Ariddia. If the Anathematic Republics fail to field a team on that day on that field, we will consider the match to have ended in a forfeit in our favour."

Asked about accusations that the Anathematic Republics had only beaten Bedistan overnight by cheating, the same senior archimandrite said "I have no idea what happened in that match - do you think I pay attention to what happens in Hell? However, given Satan's past pattern of behaviour, I certainly wouldn't put it past them"

GOLDEN THRONE, SILVER PALADINATE CANCEL OUT

Macabees hold Paladins to draw

THE MACCABEES - In what does not bode well for a critical clash against the Lowland Clans, the Paladins drew a tenacious and agressive Maccabees squad 1-1 last night at the Maccabees.

"Well, s***," commented the ever-blunt William Branstone after the draw. "We'll just have to bounce back at Moncton Sands."

Moncton Sands, the site for the upcoming home match against the Lowland Clans, will be the first city in the Bigtopian Colonies to host a World Cup Qualifier. "Bully for them," said Branstone. "Can we get back to the footie now?"

The political significance of this event, while ignored by Coach Branstone, is not lost on various other parties in the nation.

"It's a pretty good deal," said Chief Paladin Frog. "Shows how lame the Bigtopian Freedom Front (BFF) has gotten over the years. Shows what a nice place to live Moncton Sands has become. And a bunch of unity and other crap my speechwriter wanted me to mention."

"I'm happy," said Sands native Edgar Brownstone. "I got tickets for me and the kiddies. Should be a good match, three games in and they're already calling it a 'must-win' - can't go wrong there, can ya?"

"It sucks," said Free Bigtopia elder stateswoman Angeline "Annie Get Your Gun" Rhodes. "We should be fielding our own team, not waiting slack-jawed for the oppressors in New Montreal to toss us a bone or two. And the BFF is not gone, it's just - hibernating. Yeah, that's it."

The BFF, a thorn in the side of the NMS and Nanakaland for many years, has gone passive since a final "putting-down" and the annexation of Outer Bigtopia to the Colonies. Long story. But it's over (and deleted, after the forums got moved). But the implications of this match will be complicated enough without drawing regional politics in as well.

They took to the pitch, veiled, voiceless, their prayers alone to guide them and guard them home. XI women and men and persons of indeterminate (possibly shifting) gender, dressed in green save for the shimmering veils obscuring their faces.

Considering the limits this gave their peripheral vision, the Burungi side fared reasonably well.

"God willing, St. Judy will give us the victory," whispered a veiled midfielder identifying herself only as Belinda Brideofchrist. Then the team started play, ululating randomly like crickets.

At the half, down 2-0 to top seed Fmjphoenix, the Burungis gathered, all XI starters, for the ritual exchange of fluids. Three children were conceived, and dedicated to St. Judy. The ritual, perhaps, made them play better in the second half -- even threaten, once, to score against a superior foe. And yet no closer. It ended as it had been at the half: Fmjphoenix 2 Tanah Burung 0.

Manager Diadem da Silva pronounced himself satisfied with the team's play as it returned to World Cup competition. But the rules of St. Judy are clear. And so goalkeeper Matteus Loverofchrist took the rice-harvesting knife and opened a vein. The other players gathered around it, lapping eagerly at the blood.

A victory next time: this is the promise of the new and everlasting covenant.

"Did we cheat?"

"Huh?"

Satan and Morseley were sprawled in Satan's office after a foul bacchanalian orgy that was, quite literally, from the bowels of Hell. The celebration of the 1-0 upset over Bedistan had left them hangovers that no amount of Bloody Marys or asprin could tackle. Not that the former hadn't been tried in large quantities, either.

"The Archregimancy is being petty and claiming we cheated, and that's the only reason we won."

"Nah, not it." Morseley staggered to the bar, slumped into a chair and began pouring another bloody mary. "Couple things, sure, but nothing like cheating. Succubi in the front rows didn't hurt, but they got there by sleeping with the people who could hook them up with front-row tickets. I didn't lift a bloody finger." He tried to sip the cocktail, but spilled most of it on him. "Heck, playing in Hell probably had more to do with it that anything. Big red castle looming over the home goal, demons thronged in the seats - enough to make any mortal crap his pants in fear. I think our goal was just a result of the initial shock - at five minutes in they were still getting settled down. But there's something deeper."

"What?" Satan picked his head up from the table it had been hanging on.

"We're all just puppets."

"Say what?"

"You, me, we're all controlled by some power called 'New Montreal States' and they seem to have some kind of something or other against those guys that apparently works for us as well."

"Wait..." Satan's alcohol-muddled mind wasn't that quick on the uptake. "You mean that nation over in Group 7?"

"Maybe it's them. Maybe not. Either way, we are just a bunch of ones and zeroes on some random server somewhere in the multiverse, and we win or lose depending on the way a bunch of other ones and zeroes turn out. And those ones and zeros are more important than any cheating or boob shots from the crowd." Morseley tried to illustrate this point by conducting a sweeping gesture, but overreached and fell off the stool, landing in a neat spread eagle on the ground.

Satan had elected to dispatch entirely with the Bloody Marys by swilling straight from the half-full vodka bottle. After taking a couple seconds and a couple big gulps from the bottle to help him think it over, he turned to Morseley and said, decisively: "You've had way too much to drink."

"That too," Morseley said, just before passing out.

Imperials Achieve a Draw!
In what seemed as a miracle, the Macabee National Team got exactly what it was hoping for, a draw against New Montreal States. This effectively saved it from dropping a rank to sixth, tied with Dagabom, who tied today with Keyshona, at zero. It has also risen moral for a potential upset tomorrow against Starblaydia, who is third in world ranking, and considerably out of the team's league. Nonetheless, the draw has saved Mannerheim's team from a potential disaster in World Cup 26, and has given them an opportunity to at least shoot for the fourth position in the group, which is considerably more than what the team earned in World Cup 25. Just as well, as suggested before, it might provide enough of a morale boost that the team somehow manages a lesser defeat against Starblaydia, which is really what is lucrative (keeping the goal difference as low as possible). Nonetheless, the match tomorrow is destined to be a very difficult one for the golden-whites, and a very easy one for their foes.

Mannerheim, once again, proved to be the star of the match, scoring the only goal for the team at minute sixty-two, erasing the chances for a shut-out. The game ended at that score, one to one. After the match Mannerheim said, "It was a very good game, and I couldn't have hoped for better. I would have thought that NMS would have pushed us through the net, but apparently our hard work, dedication, and iniative pulled off and we were able to match their point. I think the draw came at a real opportune time, especially since our next match against them, at their own house, may not be so fortunate."

Kahn, another star, offered his own point of view, and a recap on his very well played game, saving the goalbox from potential disaster, "We did well, and I don't think it was totally up to me. The defense played spectacularly, especially since we are a very agressive team. And Mannerheim more or less saved the game." He failed to recount the goal scored against him, which had been scored outside the box, and made it square within the goal. Kahn's finger tips had missed the ball idly by no more than a few centimeters.

Tomorrow's game against Starblaydia will be played at Starblaydia, giving it a very iffy conclusion. The team doesn't doubt a potential defeat, but it still wants to put in as many goals as necessary to lessen the disaster. But regardless, the game should provide ample warming up for their game against Dagabom on the day after, which should end in a heart warming victory for the golden-whites. Head Coach Leo Benz said, "Our game against Starblaydia tomorrow will not be pretty, but none of us expect anything else. I suspect, however, that we will play as hard as possible, without a drop in morale, and it will give us an excellent chance against Dagabom, an unknown team to us. After that we have grean fields and blue skies, until we face The Lowland Clans once again on the eight matchday, which hopefully will end differently from our first match, which was away. It would be great to see us at least contesting for the third placement, and ending fourth place. There would be nothing more to make us happier."

The team's optimistic attitude seems reminiscent of that from World Cup 25 and Baptism of Fire 17, which began well for the Empire, with a three to zero upset over Cuation. But it ended in a fiasco, while Cuation ended Baptism of Fire champions, quite ironically. However, others have said that the two cannot be compared since the Empire actually holds rank now, and that there is little chance that the Empire will fall fifth or behind, facing a group of teams of only three superior ranks. Nevertheless, Mannerheim has vowed that his team will never commit the same mistake they made in the Baptism of Fire, which was to underestimate another opponent. He said, "We will play our hardest no matter rank."

And so, the country solemnly awaits tomorow...

[center]Matches
The Lowland Clans [3-2] The Macabees
The Macabees[1-1] New Montreal States
Starblaydia vs. The Macabees
The Macabees vs. Dagabom
Bi-day
The Macabees vs. Keyshona
The Macabees vs. The Southern Universe
The Macabees vs. The Lowland Clans
New Montreal States vs. The Macabees
The Macabees vs. Starblaydia
Dagabom vs. The Macabees
Bi-day
Keyshona vs. The Macabees
The Southern Universe vs. The Macabee


1. Starblaydia 6 2 0 0 3:0 3
2. New Montreal States 4 1 1 0 3:2 1
3. The Lowland Clans 3 1 0 0 3:2 1
4. Keyshona 1 0 1 0 0:0 0
5. The Macabees 1 0 1 1 3:4 -1
6. Dagabom 1 0 1 1 0:2 -2
7. Southern Universe 0 0 0 2 1:3 -2

SATAN TO ASK FOR MATCH IN CUATION

Nothing against Arrida - well, nothing that the forces of darkness wouldn't hold against them anyway

HELL - Satan has asked that the Anathematic Republics home match be held in Cuation rather than in Arridia.

"Nothing against French communists," said a badly hung-over Prince of Darkness. "But we've played Cuation before, and they asked nicely."

Amazed that asking nicely counts for something with Satan, your correspondent attempted to follow up, but was told to shut up or be vaporized.

The Kazoo Peoples showed promise for international soccer matches in the future (whether it be WC27, or otherwise), by drawing 1-1 against #8-ranked Turori today.

"I'm very pleased with the way we played in our 3-5-2 formation; the fact that we scored a goal today is spectacular, and I look to the future for more goals and more points," said coach Manni Aka after the match.

The only goal scored by the Kazoos was a goal by Lampshade in the 33rd minute, who was assisted by a pass in space from Kevlar Shafur. It was the first assist ever from Shafur in an international competition.

The draw pushed The Kazoo Peoples in a tie for fifth place in Group 6 with Swilatia with one point apiece:
Region 6 Pts W D L GF:GA GD
1. Turori 4 1 1 0 5:1 4
2. Casari 4 1 1 0 2:1 1
3. Yafor 2 3 1 0 0 2:1 1
Hiiraan 3 1 0 0 1:0 1
5. The Kazoo Peoples 1 0 1 1 1:2 -1
Swilatia 1 0 1 1 2:3 -1
7. Rolatia 0 0 0 2 0:5 -5

With 10 matches ahead, the standings are due to be reshuffled constantly as time wears on.

"We face tough Hiiraan tomorrow. We will slow our practices to 14 hours a day, in order to give our players a little more rest," said Manni Aka, coach of the team.

---

Bookmakers lost confidence in frontrunner Turori, as they downgraded odds in Turori's favor by a significant amount, as displayed below:

Casari 7:2
Turori 10:1
Yafor 2 12:1
Hiiraan 75:1
Swilatia 125:1
The Kazoo Peoples 150:1
Rolatia 250:1

The downgrade of Turori was partly due to the draw, as well as no press conferences or newspapers writing about them. Very mysterious! Hiiraan is making a name for itself, pushing them upward. Rolatia, though numerous reports on the television and in newspapers, sits at the bottom of the rankings for no apparent reason. This is curious, but the bet-makers have pegged them as long underdogs. Who knows what will happen?

Qualifying Schedule (UPDATED THROUGH MD2)

Matchday 1:

HOME AWAY
Turori 4:0 Rolatia
Casari 1:0 The Kazoo Peoples
Yafor 2 2:1 Swilatia

Hiiraan does not play

Matchday 2:

HOME AWAY
The Kazoo Peoples 1:1 Turori
Swilatia 1:1 Casari
Hiiraan 1:0 Rolatia

Yafor 2 does not play

Matchday 3:

HOME AWAY
Turori v Swilatia
Casari v Yafor 2
The Kazoo Peoples v Hiiraan

Rolatia does not play

Matchday 4:

HOME AWAY
Casari v Turori
Hiiraan v Yafor 2
Rolatia v Swilatia

The Kazoo Peoples does not play

Matchday 5:

HOME AWAY
Hiiraan v Turori
Rolatia v Casari
The Kazoo Peoples v Yafor 2

Swilatia does not play

Matchday 6:

HOME AWAY
Turori v Yafor 2
Swilatia v Hiiraan
The Kazoo Peoples v Rolatia

Casari does not play

Matchday 7:

HOME AWAY
Casari v Hiiraan
Yafor 2 v Rolatia
Swilatia v The Kazoo Peoples

Turori does not play

Matchday 8:

AWAY HOME
Turori v Rolatia
Casari v The Kazoo Peoples
Yafor 2 v Swilatia

Hiiraan does not play

Matchday 9:

AWAY HOME
The Kazoo Peoples v Turori
Swilatia v Casari
Hiiraan v Rolatia

Yafor 2 does not play

Matchday 10:

AWAY HOME
Turori v Swilatia
Casari v Yafor 2
The Kazoo Peoples v Hiiraan

Rolatia does not play

Matchday 11:

AWAY HOME
Casari v Turori
Hiiraan v Yafor 2
Rolatia v Swilatia

The Kazoo Peoples does not play

Matchday 12:

AWAY HOME
Hiiraan v Turori
Rolatia v Casari
The Kazoo Peoples v Yafor 2

Swilatia does not play

Matchday 13:

AWAY HOME
Turori v Yafor 2
Swilatia v Hiiraan
The Kazoo Peoples v Rolatia

Casari does not play

Matchday 14:

AWAY HOME
Casari v Hiiraan
Yafor 2 v Rolatia
Swilatia v The Kazoo Peoples

Turori does not play

Kazoos progress in WC26

MD1: loss to Casari 1-0, away
MD2: draw with Turori 1-1, home
MD3: Hiiraan, home
MD4: OFF
MD5: Yafor 2, home
MD6: Rolatia, home
MD7: Swilatia, away
MD8: Casari, home
MD9: Turori, away
MD10: Hiiraan, away
MD11: OFF
MD12: Yafor 2, away
MD13: Rolatia, away
MD14: Swilatia, home

The Return of the Curse! Sort of.....


Group 3
Total n Utter Insanity 2 Dehny 0
Spruitland 3 Errinundera 1
Lethislavania 3 Andossa Se Mitrin Vega 1

This is Kellan Kildan of the ASMV Football News Network

The Sea Dragons entered MD1 with high hope of taking down the third ranked team in their group, Lethislavania. Perhaps attention should have been focused on last WC's brutal start. That reality hit home today as they dropped the openeer by a score of 1-3.

Keeper Shaun Conarky showed little of the brilliance that kept matches close in the past. Hopefully he will regain that form.

The defense was ready for the lightning quick duo of Pablo Iglesias and Porche Alexander. Neither one got a decent shot off at all.

The match started off good with Evan Evans scoring at the 17:12 mark but after that it all fell apart.

With matches against the mighty TnUI and Sruitland squads coming on MDs 2 & 3, do not count on much better results. After that the schedule becomes much more easy.

This has been Kellan Kildan of the ASMV Football News Network

Pschychoes Inconsistent Through Two

Squornshelous puts up 6 goals but goes into matchday three with just 4 points
Our 22nd World Cup campaign began on a very strong note, as the Pschychoes, some of whom have not yet been named, as the official roster has not yet been released due to last minute tweaking, absolutely demolished Wentland at home, winning by a score of 5-0. However, in their second match, Squornshelous was unable to find the net often enough, after a bizare prank, for lack of a better word, by the home side. The particulars of the incident have been well reported and will not be discussed here. The Pschychoes, perhaps slightly disortiented by the incident, allowed a very sloppy early goal, and were not able to find holes in the opposing defense. Ths is can probably be blamed on a relatively inexperienced attack, after the retirement of several stars. It is certainly hoped that Manager Ricardo Colon can pull things together and surpass his performance in World Cup 25.

Final Scores:
Squornshelous 5-0 Wentland

Squornshelous 1-1 Bazalonia

Terminators notch up away win
Liverpool England travelled to East Lithuania to face a side ranked 155 in the world. Liverpool England, 149 ranks higher, struggled against a much fitter side. Manager Douglas Freech admitted after the game that the players "were run ragged throughout the game, they were very unfit. I'm putting it down to complacency, but the training is definitely going to move up a notch."

East Lithuania stunned the twice-World Champions, who last won the world's premier trophy less than eight years ago in Druida and Krytenia, by unexpectedly getting onto the scoresheet first - substitute Corey Dillion netting a penalty on 74 minutes to send the home fans into raptures.

The lead would however not last long; three minutes later Leonard Otte, on for the injured Justin Osborne, struk one from long range from the left wing. Jibreel Weaver, caught off his line, was powerless to stop the audacious chip from 35 yards hitting the back of the net.

Seven minutes from the end, Anthony Langer struck a dagger through home fans' hearts when he was brought down in the box and the referee awarded a penalty, which striking partner Luis Sunderland converted with ease. 2-1 it ended.

Defender Thomas Lunson dropped a bombshell after the game when he revealed that he would not be retiring from international football just yet. "I feel I still have a lot to bring to this team, and to retire now would be a shame. I am postponing my international retirement."

World Cup Qualifier
East Lithuania 1 (Dillion 74) Liverpool England 2 (Osborne 77; Sunderland 84pen)

Caine Hawdon had been siting at his desk.... Draw with Squornshelous ... Wow.... He had confidence in his team but against number 4 in the world... Well maybe that prank had something to do with it.... he giggled to himself.

He shuffled through his desk looking for the next match details.... Ah we're hosting Collonie... We should beat them but then again we drew with a ranked 4 team so you can never know these things...

He had the big behind taken down and packed up.... It was only really funny once. And he didn't want to disrespect people too much... He once again shuffled the papers on his desk then went to the field... he had a team to train

Uncertainty over Group 11 controversial match

Uncertainty remains over the location of the two games between the Archregimancy and the Anathematic Republics, after the former has unilaterally accepted Ariddia’s offer to serve as a neutral venue. “We will show up on the designated day on the field designated by Ariddia,” an anonymous official stated. “If the Anathematic Republics fail to field a team on that day on that field, we will consider the match to have ended in a forfeit in our favour."

The Ariddian Football Association has indicated that the stadium in question would be Darras Olympic Stadium, in the vicinity of Rêvane, the capital city.

Speaking on behalf of the Anathematic Republics, however, Satan himself has requested that the matches be played in Cuation.

Looking a little the worse for drink, the Prince of Darkness explained,
"Nothing against French communists. But we've played Cuation before, and they asked nicely."

Not wishing for the issue to create further tensions between the two religiously antagonistic nations, AFA President Anna Teals subsequently had this to say:

“Ideally, both sides need to agree on a venue. If the Archregimancy is willing to play in Cuation, that’s fine. If not, we suggest a compromise. We could, for example, host the home match for the Archregimancy, while Cuation would serve as ‘home’ for the Anathematic Republics.”

In private, Ms. Teals reportedly voiced the opinion it would be a shame if “such an interesting match” were not to take place, and that “All this just goes to show we get along much better without religion.” Ms. Teals has not denied having said this, but does not wish to confirm it officially.

The Schiavone Scribe
BACK TO REALITY
Schaiavonia 0-2 Rejistania

After opening with what could almost be described as a freak result against Kaze Progressa, confidence was high amongst the Schiavonia players as they came to face the even mightier Rejistania at the King Francesco Stadium last night.

To have any chance of winning, it would have to be the same situation as in hteir last match - their opponents would have to be far from their best, while the Sloths would have to play out of their skins. Unfortunately, it was too much to ask for to happen again.

While the Schiavone team were putting the effort in, it wasn't enough. Rejistania, player for player, were just better.

The goals came midway through each half, both on breaks that fell to Linux Raju. It was just what Raju deserved, as he had given the Schiavone defence the runaround all afternoon.

Rumours that Rejistania only won due to mindbending tactics have been completely dismissed.

Ratings
Schiavonia: Kershaw 7; O'Kane 7, Park 7, Marsden 7, Smith 6; Sanderson 7, JONES 8, Weir 7; Topp 6, Schiavone 6 (McAndrew [68 min] 6), Tarmey 6.
Rejistania: Kanavan 8; Ita 8, Isilyi 8, H~saldu 8, Viki 8, Sala 7; Exke 7, Mji~l 8 (SeKa [81 min] 7), Daki 8, Teresil 7; RAJU 9 (Sejil [78 min] 8).

Final score
Rejistania 2 (Raju 22, 67)
Schiavonia 0

Group 4 Pl W D L F A Pts GD
1. Rejistania 2 2 0 0 4 0 6 +4
2. Cuation 1 1 0 0 2 0 3 +2
3. Schiavonia 2 1 0 1 4 4 3 0
4. Kudlastan 2 1 0 1 1 2 3 -1
5. Alexandrian Ptolemais 1 0 1 0 0 0 1 0
6. Pyrologists911 2 0 1 1 0 2 1 -2
7. Kaze Progressa 2 0 0 2 2 5 0 -2


World Cup Reporters
Šomaliø Condems Schiavonia for calling the Hiiraanese people "Hiiraani"

HIIRAAN DEAL

Schiavone and Hiiraanese reporters have come to a deal over the use of the Schiavone National Font "Copperplate Gothic Bold".

The deal means that the people of Schiavonia must recognise that the font is not uniquely theirs, and can also be used by anyone else who feels like it.

The deal was done after the Schiavone Scribe called the Hiiraanese "Hiiraani", not by their preferred name.

"We thought it would be 'Hiiraani', in the same way that it is 'Bedistani'. But it isn't." A spokesman for our paper said. "Still, we understand them. We'd react the same way if someone called us 'Schiavonian' instead of Schiavone, even though it is a simple mistake to make."

DEFENCE CONTINUES

Schiavonia's next opponent, Alexandrian Ptolemais, have taken inspiration from Rejistania's victory over the Sloths and intend to follow the Orange-Blue's defensive system when we travel over there next week.

The Alexandrians, who started with a goalless encounter with Pyrologists911, will be looking to at least repeat the dose when Rodney Lowe's man travel to their nation. But Lowe is questioning the Alexandrians' plans.

"We've played two of the better national teams in the world," he told us, "and while we did beat the Progressans, that was more of a fluke result than down to the formation playing a part."

"No offence to Alexandrian Ptle... Potell... Top... the Alexandrians, but they're just starting out like us, so they'll be nowhere near as successful as Rejistania with such a formation. Still, it'll be a challenge. Every game will be."

A second humiliating defeat in succession, 1-0 at Kudlastan, has caused the Progressan manager Aviji Karazara to be sacked after just two games in charge.

A 75th-minute own goal from Yortvi Zair, who was sent off four minutes later, proved fatal, especially after Jaulinta Jazitobilara missed a sitter.

Babiji Merzaka, assistant manager at Farela City, has been propelled into the hotseat as caretaker manager of the national team while a successor is found, and is set to make wholesale changes for the next match. Karazara's 4-1-2-1-2 diamond formation is set to go, and several changes will be made.

Expected lineup for next match (3-2-4-1): Hetujuk; Ezkinsaay, Ziako-Islev, Barkain; Sajazkerev, Vamanuni; Nubi-Jatayop, Tiakosuv, Bytor, Egwata; Olog.

[OOC: style modifier remains at +1]

Font fever: Progressan game show freaks support Casari

Arguments have recently raged over reporters from Hiiraan using Copperplate Gothic Bold, a font briefly declared the national font of Schiavonia, in the match reports they send to international media.

Progressan fans of RL game shows have pointed out that Copperplate Gothic Bold is the font used for the prize tree on Who Wants To Be A Millionaire?, a show that is no longer hugely popular. Casari, on the other hand, use Eurostile - a font used in the UK version of the fast-rising big-money game show Deal or No Deal. The Progressans have further praised the Casari4Sport logo for using blue and red backgrounds, as used in the game show which has become a massive hit in Kaze Progressa.

“Exciting” match: Ariddia back on form

“Good evening. I’m Rasha al-Khaldi, live in Lovisa. Right here, last night, was the venue of a match that startled many, both here and back home. Ariddia, ranked 102nd in the world, took on Lovisa, ranked 17th, on Lovisan home soil. Few changes were made to the starting eleven, except for Peter Roberts being fielded for defence, and midfielder Cyril Lange donning the red and black suit for the first time for his country. Even if they weren’t saying so, many Ariddian fans were probably expecting a repeat of the goalless defeat against Tonissia on matchday 1.

But they were in for a surprise.

It started slowly, Ariddia’s attacks confidently repelled by the opposing side, though the Rouge-et-Noirs’ defence proved surprisingly solid as well. Matters then progressed normally enough, with Lovisa establishing a one-nil lead in the thirty-seventh minute, finally breaking through the Ariddian defences and defeating goalkeeper Sandrine Leduc. A controversial penalty awarded to the Lovisan side in the forty-fourth minute almost cemented that lead, but the shot was saved by Leduc, no doubt giving the Ariddian team a new boost of confidence. As they paused for half-time, 0-1 wasn’t a bad scoreline against such a skilled opponent.

Then, five minutes into the second half, a long shot from Swimmer to Lel enabled the attacker to slip past one defender, then another, and kick in a powerful shot from a tricky angle, and straight into the goal cage. And here in the replay you can see the Ariddian supporters in the stadium erupt into loud cheers, delighted at the unexpected equaliser. The match was far from over, however.

Lovisa regained the lead in the fifty-eighth minute, only to have Clément score in the sixty-sixth with his head following a corner kick by Ta I. The goal was disallowed, however, due to Faraj apparently having grabbed a Lovisan defender’s shirt and holding him back. In the seventieth minute, following another corner kick well played by Ta I, Clément shot on goal once more, a shot deflected but not caught by the Lovisan keeper. The ball reached Lange, who immediately shot on goal before the keeper could regain his bearings. It was another equaliser.

A corner kick for the other side made it 3-2 in the eighty-first minute, while, after a long struggle to break through the Lovisan defence, Faraj equalised yet again in the eighty-seventh. By the now the crowd was alternately holding its breath and cheering, both sides made tense and excited by the constantly levelled scoreline. It seemed neither side could ultimately break free and establish a permanent lead, especially with fewer than four minutes remaining on the clock. Supporters were probably aware, though, that Lovisa had been in the lead three times during the match, while Ariddia had not taken the lead once, merely bridging the gap again and again. Still, it was an amazing performance from a team ranked 102nd.

And then the miracle came. The last few minutes of the game were a frenzy of Ariddian attack, played almost entirely on the Lovisan side of the field, as the Rouge-et-Noirs pressed on and refused to concede any opportunity to their opponents. Twenty seconds before the end of the full ninety minutes, Faraj found the inside of Lovisan net one last time, muddling through the crowd near the goal cage, and made it an astonishing 4-3 for Ariddia. Two minutes of injury time after that were not enough for Lovisa to overturn that lead, and the Ariddians finished with a precious three points.

I interviewed Clément and Lange after the match.”

Clément: “I’m ecstatic! We knew it was going to be a tough struggle, and by goodness it was! I’ve rarely played such an exhausting match. But we pulled through, and we defeated one of the best teams in the world, on their home ground!”

al-Khaldi: “It was probably one of the most exciting matches to watch, too. Every time Lovisa scored, you equalised.”

Clément: *laughs* “I know! I think that’s what kept us. . . fuelled and hyped, you know. It was like a pattern. The Lovisans were pushing us to give the best we had. We just *had* to keep scoring, and so we did. . . until, right at the end, we stopped following them, and managed to grab the lead.”

al-Khaldi: “Cyril, an impressive victory for your first ever match. Not a bad start.”

Lange: *grinning* “Not a bad start at all. I’m really happy. We all played well as a team, collectively, and it’s great to be playing with these people. I’m really impressed by my team-mates.”

al-Khaldi: “Well, you scored a goal yourself.”

Lange: “Yes, but I have no idea where that came from! Suddenly the ball was there, right in front of me, so I just kicked it and it went in! No-one was more surprised than me, I think.”

al-Khaldi: “In any case, congratulations to both of you! And good luck for the next matches!”

Lange: “Thanks.”

Clément: “Thank you.”

“That was Frédéric Clément and Cyril Lange. Before we go back to the studio, just a quick look at the rest of Group 10. . . And it was a day for upsets, as Audioslavia surprisingly lost to Legalese by one goal to three. In the third match of the day, Havl beat Thergo one-nil. This was Rasha al-Khaldi, in Lovisa. Ahmed, back to you in Rêvane.”

ISLANDERS SHOW MORE GRITGroup 11
Anathematic Republics 1 Bedistan 0
PopularFreedom 0 Oglethorpia 1
United Island Empires 2 Cataduanes 1

Despite a brave effort Cataduanes succumbed to the United Island Empires 2-1 in the away fixture. However the Islanders did take an early lead with a goal by Macalinao, who scored a stunning 20 yard volley from a superb assist by Guarin, and for the opening half hour the islanders controlled the game with neat short passing and intelligent running but in the urn up to half time the Hosts began to slowly re-assert themselves with the equaliser coming in the 44th minute. The second half was totally dominated by the hosts who got there winning goal in the 78th minute despite a stubborn Cataduanes defence.

Coach Manua expressed his satisfaction with the performance stating that he felt the side showed more determination, The Islanders do not now play till matchday 4 when they face PopularFreedom at home in the 'Estado Nacional' in the Islands capital,Oltaloro. The squad are due to return to Cataduanes tomorrow and will be lodge at a training base on the beautiful Costa Norte.

Fbreni performance “disappointing”

“I was a little disappointed, yes,” Fbreni team captain Diego Reyes admitted at the close of the away match in the oddly named nation of FSX. “This was supposed to be our easiest opponent. On paper, as they say. But we didn’t underestimate them, and we were right not to.”

The Fbreni side succeeded in scoring two goals, one by Reyes himself and another by midfielder Toyo Aeyonke, which in itself was perceived as quite an achievement. But they conceded four to an inexperienced but determined opponent. The stadium was packed with home supporters, and it was estimated little more than two dozen Fbreni supporters were present.

“Yes, I think that did influence the game,” Reyes said. “Still, our supporters in the stadium were a tremendous help. And we like to think there are Fbreni people all around the world supporting us too.”

“You know,” he added, “they say it’s taking part that counts. Well, I think for us that really is true. It’s an accomplishment for us just to be here. We’ll be doing our best, of course, and we’ll be enjoying every moment of it.”

Jeruselem Government News

Jeruselem lead Group 15 again

World Cup 26 - match day duo. Any surprises in store today?

Oh yeah. Tadjikistan was held to a draw by Artoonia , 1 ALL. Tadjikistan was expected to win, but the team which got flattened 5-1 by Jeruselem last game showed some fight. Not that team which couldn't defend, Artoonia looked a different team.

Rordia on high after beating their last opponent 6-3. They looked good, but they had to play a real team next - Jeruselem. Rordia did impress but took home nothing as Jeruselem showed what the World Cup was all about. Jeruselem won 4-2 to stay undefeated without a draw. Rordia played well, but the 24th seed was too good on the day.

Race City scored a win. McPsychoville playing their first game due a bye on MD1, lost to Race City 1-3. This means the Cityians are 4th and have a not too bad goal difference.

Milchama were last, but they had bye this round. Expect them to bounce back on MD3. They should not be losing 3-6 all the time. Early nerves maybe.

Artoonia 1 Tadjikistan 1
Rordia 2 Jeruselem 4
McPsychoville 1 Race City 3


Region 15 Pts W D L GF:GA GD
1. Jeruselem 6 2 0 0 9:3 6
2. Tadjikistan 4 1 1 0 4:1 3
3. Rordia 3 1 0 1 8:7 1
4. Race City 3 1 0 1 3:4 -1
5. Artoonia 1 0 1 1 2:6 -4
6. McPsychoville 0 0 0 1 1:3 -2
7. Milchama 0 0 0 1 3:6 -3


As expected, the Tigers and Crusader lead the way. Milchama are last but 47th seed should be back into winning ways soon. The others have started well especially Rordia showing they can score big goals.

Oh yes, Nedalia lost to Nanakaland 2-3 but Hockey Canada beat Spaam 1-0.

Check out this scoreline
Apologetic Kittens 2 EL CID THE HERO 1

No, it's no joke. Some kittens beat up World Cup veteran EL CID. Oh dear ...

Another Own Goal!
Episode 2: Boyer Scores In 20th Outing

We bring you back yet again to that same dark little room. We hope we have not made it too obvious that there has been a severe cut in this season’s budget, meaning effectively we can only afford one set with minimal lighting.

Yes, as usual, we see the back of a couch and queer little green fingers resting on the armrest. The television as usual is switched on, and the commentary is running, although if you listen carefully, a really faint snoring sound can be heard.

“…and that’s the final whistle. The Zucchinis have lost here but it’s not a disappointing showing by any means. After a flurry of activity at the start of the match, Eauz parked the team bus in front of the goal for most of this match and made it difficult for the Zucchinis to break through, try as they might. Coming up next, the round up of the rest of the qualifying matches…”

To be continued…


Giant Zucchini’s Department of Number Crunching and Data Spewing presents:

Match stats:

Giant Zucchini – 1
Boyer (28)

Eauz – 2
(10), (20)

Yellow Cards:
Eauz player (12)
Ferrero (15)


Giant Zucchini stats:

Top Goalscorers:
Johann Rilke – 2
Absamat Chekhov – 1
Armand Boyer - 1

Yellow Cards:
Dino Nuvolari – 1
Domingo Ferrero - 1

Red Cards:
Mikhail Glinka – 1

The Enlightener: today's weather - meh...
http://i6.photobucket.com/albums/y231/bettia/FAB.jpg

Aroras in 'Draw Opening Game' Shock!

Bettia 0
The Ardenne 0
(Shubunkin Park, Akani Sands - attendance 70,314)

A near-capacity crowd turned out at Akani Sands eager to see if Bettia could carry on where they left off from the last World Cup. Unfortunately for them, the team themselves are sticklers for tradition and therefore took it upon themselves to grind out a dull 0-0 draw. Before this game, Bettia's opening match record stood at:Won: 2
Drawn: 8
Lost: 2
Goals Scored: 11
Goals Conceded: 9Expectations were high as the teams lined up for the national anthems - indeed, passions were running high as the new national anthem 'Brothers of Bettia' made it's international debut, belted out by the tens of thousands of Ultraroras in attendance and billions more throughout the Blessed Realm.

Predictably, Bettia were quick out of the blocks, keen to make a good impression on their adoring fans. Hutton and York combined well in the seventh minute to carve out an opening only for York to fire narrowly wide. Ten minutes later, it was Hutton's turn to miss a glorious opportunity after Swain's pinpoint diagonal ball sprung the inexperienced Ardenne offside trap.

That was as good as it got in the first half as The Ardenne started to get their players back in large numbers, a tactic that did not endear them to the Takilan home fans. Unfortunately, the second carried on in the same fashion as Bettia failed to turn their possession into meaningful goalscoring chances.


Bettia Make Amends

Da Whoseline People 1 (Some Bloke 90+1)
Bettia 3 (Brooks 13, York 44 81)

The Aroras went some way to atoning for their woeful opening day performance with this comfortable victory away to Da Whoseline People.

Gabalfa Rovers midfielder Evan Brooks told The Enlightener last week that he and his team-mates were still smarting from their humilating cup exit at the hands of non-league Tremwsa - it would seem he has made it his goal to take his frustrations out on the international stage as he was instrumental in a sparkling display of football by the green-and-gold army.

Indeed, it was Brooks who opened the scoring after 13 minutes after Latif Hunter ws crudely hacked down 25 yards out, slightly to the left of goal. At first it seemed that he had no interest in the setpiece as he started walking back towards the centre circle, but as the referee blew his whistle, he turned around and thumped the ball home as it was squared to him by John Connick.

The Aroras continued to make inroads into the Whoseline defence, roared on by the 20000 hardy souls who had made the long journey. Hutton and Hunter had excellent chances, and York, Swain and Abdullah were constant thorns in the home team's collective side.

Judson York put the Aroras two-up shortly before half-time, the Pylos Reavers striker latching onto a low inswinging cross and sidefooting home from ten yards.

The second half was more of the same, with Da Whoseline People largely unable to cope with Bettia's maurauding forwards - and the defenders were keen to get in on the act. Musa Williams, who had come on as substitute for McKinnon came agonisingly close as he met a Brooks corner with a thumping header that slammed against the crossbar.

Judson York made the game safe nine minutes from time, after intercepting a loose pass across the Da Whoseline defence. A unchallenged storming run down the centre of the pitch followed by a neat sidestep around the keeper saw the Hypociran-based striker walk the ball into the net.

The home side pulled a late consolation back deep in injury time to take some of the gloss off this win which sees Bettia in second place. Next up are Praying2God, who are currently in third after having a bye in matchday 2, and will be hoping their day of rest will do them good as they must face the Aroras in the intimidating (and sometimes deafening) Stamping Ground.


FIXTURES / RESULTS

MD01: .............Bettia 0-0 The Ardenne (Shubunkin Park, Akani Sands)
MD02: Da Whoseline People 1-3 Bettia
MD03: .............Bettia vs. Praying2God (The Stamping Ground, Lorshill)
MD04: .............Bettia vs. Fmjphoenix (Stadiwm Bettia, Gabalfa)
MD05: .......Tanah Burung vs. Bettia
MD06: ....................BYE
MD07: .............Bettia vs. Basicota (Al-Fath Stadium, Sukatra)
MD08: ........The Ardenne vs. Bettia
MD09: .............Bettia vs. Da Whoseline People (Campus Ground, Grappenhall)
MD10: ........Praying2God vs. Bettia
MD11: .........Fmjphoenix vs. Bettia
MD12: .............Bettia vs. Tanah Burung (Stadiwm Bettia, Gabalfa)
MD13: ....................BYE
MD14: ...........Basicota vs. Bettia


LATEST TABLE
Region 14 Pts W D L GF:GA GD
1. Fmjphoenix 6 2 0 0 4:1 3
2. Bettia 4 1 1 0 3:1 2
3. Praying2God 3 1 0 0 3:1 2
4. Basicota 1 0 1 0 1:1 0
5. The Ardenne 1 0 1 1 1:2 -1
6. Tanah Burung 1 0 1 1 1:3 -2
7. Da WhoseLine People 0 0 0 2 2:6 -4


GROUP 14 FORM GUIDE
W = Win D = Draw L = Loss
UPPERCASE denotes home fixtures, lowercase denotes away fixtures.

MATCHDAY 01 02 03 04 05 06 07 08 09 10 11 12 13 14
-----------------------------------------------------------------
Basicota - d
BETTIA D w
Da Whoseline People l L
Fmjphoenix W w
Praying2God W -
Tanah Burung d l
The Ardenne d L

Not what we signed for.

If the World Cup keeps coming up with these strange surprises, it could be more interesting than we believed possible. After a Milchaman defeat against the Rordians, it was now Tadjikistans turn to get suprised by one of the so called weak teams, Artoonia in this case.

While they started well and scored early on, the Tigers were unable to retain their lead and the Artoonians equalized in the second half, a clearly dissapointed Bahrom Sadirov couldnt find any words to explain this 'I dont know whats happening right now, this was not supposed to happen at all. Maybe we were just to confident... I'll be looking at the tapes of this game to see what went wrong and you can bet we'll work on it. We just have to do better than this. Good thing this is only the second match or we'd be in real trouble.'

The Tigers have little other choice but to do better next time. Rordia, the next opponent, is known to be thougher than most others and with their recent success they may have built up hopes to actually qualify.
In the meantime, the Tadjiks will have to happy with a second position in group 15, behind Jeruselem, who are leading with 6 points.

Fixtures:
MD1: Tadjikistan - Race City W 3-0
MD2: Artoonia - Tadjikistan D 1-1
MD3: Tadjikistan - Rordia
MD4: Jeruselem - Tadjikistan
MD5: McPsychoville - Tadjikistan
MD6: Tadjikistan - Milchama
MD7: /
MD8: Race City - Tadjikistan
MD9: Tadjikistan - Artoonia
MD10:Rordia - Tadjikistan
MD11:Tadjikistan - Jeruselem
MD12:Tadjikistan - McPsychoville
MD13:Milchama - Tadjikistan
MD14:/

Tadjik goalscorers:
Salenko - 1
Saradov - 1
Zuhurov - 1
Ashurov - 1

Spaam was thrown up and cooked like... ummm... spam?
At least OUR heading is unstolen

If there were any doubts that Hockey Canada would have trouble against Spaam in the second day of World Cup Qualifying causing some very entertaining matchday conversations. However, these conversations were too rude to air on a public TV station or even news article like this. We're just saying this to really, really piss the hell out of readers.

For important news, Spaam lost. In a game which saw the usual Hockey Canadian play of an early goal and physical play while on the karelan defense- there was not much to be desired. Kulkarni, Broflovski and Perrault all played well while Timmy "Timmah!" Johnson was exceptional on his motorized-wheelchair thing.

The first half opened to the Hockey Canadian start with the long ball up to a forward. Mike Ko was resting today giving Syku Kansu the chance to play, and he didn't disappoint. Kansu recieved the ball from a long kick by Thomas who seemed to be half asleep in Spaam, and half distracted by the women in the 6th row behind him. Kansu took the ball and ran past two defenders with astonishing speed before running the ball in and tapping it past the Spaam keeper to Kulkarni who just lightly tapped the ball in the net for the Canuck lead.

The first half saw it's share of Spaam chances too. In the 38th minute the canuck defense saw what was distracting Thomas in the stands and couldn't help but look up and wipe away the odd bit of drool. This sloppy (literally!) play would nearly have cost the Canucks a win but had it not been for an untimely visit to the washroom for Thomas, he never would have saved a hard shot from a Spaam striker that hit Thomas and flew up into the crowd.

After a bit of lotion was delivered to the Hockey Canadian dressing room at halftime, the Canucks came out playing more and more physical and defensive. Not allowing hardly any players to even set foot in the 18-yard box forcing Spaam players to shoot from a distance was no problem for any of the Hockey Canadian players. Especially Kyle Thomas who could just sit back and save easy shot after easy shot.

Just before the final whistle some controversy brewed. A Spaam striker managed to get past the Hockey Canadian defense and actually came in alone on Thomas. Kulkarni was running back hard to try and stop the striker and when Thomas came out to challenge the striker, they both collided while Kulkarni tried to stop but collided with the Spaam player. No cards were given on the play because it was deemed "accidental".

The win sets Hockey Canada 3 points ahead of almost everyone else while Krytenia is only ahead because of Goal Differential. The Weegies are coming to Hockey Canada. If they don't freeze or get hurt, they'll hopefully play a decent game.

Region 2 Pts W D L GF:GA GD
1. Krytenia 6 2 0 0 8:1 7
2. Hockey Canada 6 2 0 0 2:0 2
3. FSX 3 1 0 0 4:2 2
4. The Weegies 3 1 0 0 3:2 1
5. Northern Voobaha 0 0 0 2 1:3 -2
Spaam 0 0 0 2 2:4 -2
7. Fbrenia 0 0 0 2 2:10 -8

http://www.geocities.com/lifeobrien/bull.txt
Thergo's The Neighbourhood

Nonsensical Headling Hides Scrappy Win

A scrappy Audioslavia side defeated Thergo last night to claim a 2-0 win in front of their own fans in the Silver Jubilee Stadium.

Vitalis had put Audioslavia one-nil up early on with a crisp finish from a Fiori through-ball, but the 'slaves had trouble keeping up the pressure afterwards, especially after the break as Thergo pushed forward. Despite the pressure however, the Thergoese only managed to troubkle Ciakhinisen once as their striker sliced a loose ball over the bar from six yards out.

The 'slaves still couldn't get going as the match moved into its final stages, but a long ball out of defence saw Burns and Alanila combine to send seventeen year old striker Arturo Vitalis through on goal to put the match beyond reasonable doubt.

FINAL SCORE
Audioslavia 2 (Vitalis 12, 88)
Thergo 0

In all its a shaky start for the 'slaves who face tougher opposition in the next two games, with an away game at Legalese before they host Ariddia at the SJS. The team will need to shape up before then to avoid humilation.

Stars slip into group lead

Facing the fifth seeded team in Group 1 and a team more than 100 spots behind it in the world rankings, Sarzonia's national football team could be excused for possibly starting out a bit sluggishly and playing a drab match under most coaches. But not Barry Owens. Following Sarzonia's listless 2-1 away victory to Star Signs, the coach of the world's number one ranked team closed the locker room door and berated the team for what he described as a lack of focus.

"We were lucky, extremely lucky to get out of there with three points," Owens fumed. "We played like dirt. It's plainly obvious we weren't ready to play the way we expect to play. That's got to change or I'm going to have to make a few changes to this team."

Owens could not have been happy to watch his team trail 1:0 18 minutes into the match as the result of a mistake by veteran defender Mike Coyle, who was seen jawing at goalkeeper Horace Sandt after a miscommunication between the two players led to an own goal. Sandt and Coyle had to be separated by teammates, notably Brian Wilson charging in from his forward position.

Both men downplayed the incident, with Coyle saying, "it was heat of battle kind of stuff. Nothing major." Sandt agreed, saying, "it's just two strong-willed teammates who just got the communication mixed up on one play. We'll straighten things out as the qualifiers wear on."

The team regrouped after halftime as Kevin Wilson made one of his trademark runs into the opponent's defensive zone, stealing the ball and setting up Brian Wilson for the equaliser in the 64th minute. Midfielder Jenna Raven was fouled in the penalty area in the 78th minute and Owens rewarded Kevin Wilson's efforts earlier by allowing him to take the penalty kick, which he converted.

"It was just a matter of working hard and getting something good to come out of it," Kevin Wilson said. "That needs to be the entire team."

The Stars (2-0-0, six points, first place Group 1) face Apologetic Kittens in their next match.

Falcons drop home debut, 3-1

TIKIRA -- A frenzied crowd of green-clad Majeristani supporters packed the newly-built National Stadium in the nation's capital for their first-ever look at the national football team, but the overflow crowd of 98,320 went home disappointed as One Red Dot overwhelmed an overmatched Falcons defence en route to a 3-1 loss.

"We didn't play that badly," Coach Hatime Ra~e said. "The problem was we were facing a world class programme and we just don't have the talent to keep up with One Red Dot. We're going to have to work much, much harder than our opponents to stand a chance when we face these elite teams."

Majeristan almost belied their coach's words by taking a 1-0 lead 22 minutes into the match. Midfielder Hasse Ayanbede made a deft run through the middle of the defence and drew three defenders to him before sending a textbook wall pass through to Joe Taylor, who connected with a well-struck, left-booted shot that slammed into the goal. Taylor's goal touched off a wild celebration among the crowd, many of whom began chanting "Glory to Allah after Taylor's strike."

However, the celebration wasn't fated to last. Just four minutes after the goal, One Red Dot answered with the first of three goals in 10 minutes, silencing the crowd headed into the halftime. However, the festive mood wasn't doused for long. Even though the team ended the match with a loss that left the team with one standings point in two matches, Ra~e had reason to be enthusiastic.

"We knew we had a tough two matches right out of the gate," he said. "We've got a chance to make up some ground against a team lower than us in the standings and we can use the bye to work on some things." Ra~e said he would work to refine the team's play in its 5-4-1 formation and improve the team's defence.

"That's our number one priority," he said. "We've got to keep the ball out of the back of our net."

http://www.geocities.com/lifeobrien/bull.txt
Legal Issues
Battered Bulls beaten by barristers

If the Thergo match was a shot accross Audioslavia's bow, this game against Legalese was a full on smack in the hull.

Woefully ineffective attacking and lacklustre defending left the 'slaves two down at half-time and looking second best to a side ranked almost one hundred places below them in the NSWC world rankings.

Legalese attacking from the off, showcasing their special brand of free-flowing, attacking football that has been sorely missed in recent tournaments. They put the 'slaves behind on 23 minutes and converted a 40th minute penalty to give the 'slaves a mountain to climb in the second half.

The ten minute period of cautious aggressiont the 'slaves displayed after the half-time whistle was the best they got in the game, and even then they looked out of touch with each other and off the pace. Legalese got themselves back on top and by the seventieth minute had put the ball in the Audioslavian net again, the striker finishing into an empty net after beating Ciakhinisen.

3-0 down with twenty minutes to go, the 'slaves tried to bounce back but found themselves wanting in a midfield battle that saw the offensive midfield players Alanila, Fiori and Polsson completely frozen out. It was no surprise then, that it was left to a defender to grab the 'slaves a consolation goal, with Robbie Stuart popping up in the box to flick a header into the corner to the ironic jubilance of the crowd.

The television images of Audioslavia's Kaze Progressan manager Tarturo Magasara standing at the sidelines staring solemnly at the action told a thousand words. The 'slaves have to improve, and quickly.

FINAL SCORE
Legalese 3 (Dude 23, 69. Dude 40 (pen))
Audioslavia 1 (Stuart 82)



# Team Pld W D L F A GD Pts
1. Tonissia 1 1 0 0 4:0 4 3
2. Legalese 2 1 0 1 4:3 1 3
3. Havl 1 1 0 0 1:0 1 3
4. Lovisa 2 1 0 1 5:5 0 3
5. Audioslavia 2 1 0 1 3:3 0 3
6. Ariddia 2 1 0 1 4:7 -3 3
7. Thergo 2 0 0 2 0:3 -3 0

The result sees the 'slaves slide to an embarrasing fifth position, albiet after only two games. With all the sides bar bottom placed Thergo on three points, its possible for the 'slaves to make a fresh start against Ariddia next week, but they'll have to play a lot, lot better.

Announcer: It's 3:30 p.m., and now on WPN1, the Saturday Big Match: the World Cup Qualifying Game between the Weegies, and Spaam.

Mod-style rock plays over various teams, some Weegie, some international, scoring goals, kicking folk, you know, the usual. Suddenly,the Weegie flag, flapping in the breeze, appears, and "THE BIG MATCH" zooms in over the flag. Cut to a studio, where three fairly well-dressed men are lounging behind a desk. behind them, a stadium, filling up with people.

Paul McGuigan: Hello! And welcome to the first World Cup Qualifying match here at home in the People's Stadium, here in sunny Mackintosh. I'm here with Derek Mathis and Tom Scanlon, and we're playing against the once-mighty Spaam, since fallen on hard times in footballing terms, isn't that right, Derek?

DM: Aha, well, Paul, you've got to, ahem, look at the Spaam side here, really.

TS: Come on Derek, really, really. Spaam are a shadow of the side they once were. This was a team which regularly got to the upper echelons of the World Cup tournament, and now, really, they have been overtaken by other nations, ourselves included.

PM: More the fact that they slipped than we went any further, though, Tom.

TS: Ha, true, I'll give you that. We've always been hanging round the 40s since the KPB ranking system was introduced.

DM: Well, what I was trying to say, essentially, is that we shouldn't be too hasty to completely discount Spaam. I mean, yeah, they might not be the force they once were, and they're definitely on the decline, but really, is there anything worse than a team with wounded pride?

TS: Yes. A good team.

PM: Well, Derek's got a point, although not as much of one as he would like to think. Teams that are on the slide do get a bit riled up when people mention the fact, as the Islander's Army are, undoubtedly, bound to.

TS: Well, yes. But we have to counter that with the question, do we think they're up to the job of defeating us on our home turf?

DM: They might be. If we have too much confidence...

TS: When have we ever been too overconfident?

DM: Well, against vastly lower-ranked teams. One might mention Cuation, who we still haven't beat.

TS: They're not low-ranked, they're 55th.

DM: But they weren't when they played us.

PM: Most of the time, our problem is underconfidence, though.

TS: Exactly! We are so afraid of our our own skill, so disbelieving that we might win, that it becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy. Derek's living proof of that.

DM: What do you mean?

PM: Well, you're awfully defeatist.

DM: I'm not defeatist, I'm realistic.

TS: Oh, really? What's the score going to be tonight.

PM: Heh, I was just going to ask that, because the game's starting soon.

DM: A draw. 2-all.

TS: Bollocks, we'll win. 2-0. Easy.

PM: Well, I hate to be the voice of reason...

DM: Yeah, we know that too well.

PM: But it's going to have to be 1-0 to the Islanders. Narrow win.

TS: Voice of moderation isn't always the voice of reason.

PM: Well, you know... And we are going to our commentators now, Lyla McCaig and Daniel Boone, since the teams have been announced...

LM: Thanks, Paul. And we've got the teams now. On the Spaam side it's a fairly regular 4-4-2 formation, not any real surprise...

Keigwin


Nance Treseder Treseder Hambly


Trewarthen Tinney Tyack Tonkin


Hayne Raddall


SUBS:
Morcom
Tregelles
Trewhella
Oates
Hellyer
Trevelyan
Trerise

DB: And on our side, Lyla, another 4-4-2, as is suspected. A slightly under-strength team, not the central midfield or central defence that we expected, but Persson's taking a gamble, resting players for the game against Hockey Canada that is crucial if we want to make ourselves serious contenders. The inclusion of Iain McCall, the young Buchanan LFC forward, is also an interesting, and welcome, choice.

Robertson


McLintock McCowell McKail McDonald


Mathieson Pindie Mackie Ochens


Sarelch McCall


SUBS:
Haldair
Pialteir
Williamson
Sheridan
Failchs
Keildie
McConnell

DB: And the sides are lining up.... national anthems being sung. Weegie fans singing along with the Islanders there, good show, proper lyrics too.

LM: And with the anthems being sung, it's time for the kickoff... and there we go! Hayne to Raddall, going into the Weegie half, looking good, oh, but a good intervention from McCowell, excellent stuff.

12 mins

DB: The Islander's Army are chanting, I can hear.

LM: Certainly, and it's a direct taunt of the Spaam side there. "Didn't you use to be good?", indeed.

DB: Well, it's a corner, Pindie knocked the ball out of contention, and it's Tinney to kick... in, that's dangerous, there's Hayne going up for it and OH!!

LM: Terrible start for the Islanders, and they aren't chanting as much now, that's an effective answer to the Islanders. Ouch.

DB: Let's see that again. Tinney in, McCowell trying to get it but... Hayne gets above him, don't know how, must be like a kangaroo, and nods it past Robertson, who really couldn't have got that in a million years. Lots of bustle and confusion in the goalmouth there, Tyack in the way of McKail.

LM: Some start!

DB: Indeed. The Islander's Army are getting very rowdy.

16 minutes

LM: And Trewarthen down the wing... Oh, Ochens snatches it right off him, excellent feint by Trewarthen but it just didn't fool Ochens for a second, got it off him there, ah, but Ochens has had his shirt pulled by Trewarthen. Ref's coming up... and yes, yellow card.

DB: No two ways about it in that case.

LM: Ochens kicks the free kick, out a good ball to Mackie. Mackie halts, goes to Pindie... Pindie to Mackie, Mackie kicks it over Treseder, now why's he doing... oh WAIT THERE'S MCCALL! I didn't see him there at all zooming up behind the two Treseders there, him and the goaliebutthespaamdefenderscominginfast and GOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOAL!!! McCall draws blood for the Weegie side! A direct answer and an excellent counter-attack, caught the Spaam side right on the back foot.

DB: Excellent goal from the young Buchanan player, excellent, curved right round the goalie, good spin on it, top corner.

35 minutes

DB: It's been a midfield battle now, both sides jostling for position...

LM: Tonkin goes past Pindie, Pindie can't catch him... Tinney there to get the receipt from Tonkin, and now it's Tonkin, Tonkin, can McConnell get him? No, he's round... Off the bar! But there's Hayne! Oh....

DB: No! Goal to Spaam, a disorganised defence, there. Hayne grabs his second of the game off of Tonkin's chance. That is a real problem now for the Weegie side, the Spaam side have been closing ranks now, although it's a shaky lead.

43 minutes

LM: It's all over the place now! Tonkin, Tonkin to Tinney, ah but Pindie's there sweeps it to Mathieson, Mathieson got away by Tonkin again but there's Mackie to bully him off the ball. Mackie to Mathieson again...

DB: Straight down the side for Mathieson, look at him go, Trewarthen can't catch him!

LM: Mathieson takes it into the box with a good cross.... but there's no-one on the receiving end. Wait. McCall... Sarelch... Sarelch takes a shot, but it's rebounded off the bar, there's McCall, no, reflexive save by the goalie but there's Mackie NO! A wonder save again but there's Mathieson back in the box and GOOOOOOOOOOAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAALLLLLL!!!!!

DB: Mathieson makes the Spaam goalie a cropper! Excellent stuff in this first half, a scrappy goal but it's still a goal. Back to level begging.

46 minutes

DB: Couple of subs... Sarelch winded, there's Sheridan on. Oates on for Tyack.

64 minutes

LM: On comes McConnell for Pindie, obviously Persson wants an all-out attacking game now, and he'll get it with McConnell...

DB: Oh, bad play by McKail, he caught Oates there... Yes, that's a yellow card for McKail, deserved too. Bad timing, he should definitely know better than that. Silly challenge.

LM: Free kick on the edge, Oates to take it. Funny he's not rolling on the ground now...

DB: Now, now, Lyla. Oates takes it... Good save from Robertson!

87th minute

LM: Still 2-all, it's getting too tense, we can't draw this, we simply can't... There's McConnell, out onto the wing, good move by Ochens, Ochens gets it, he's running with it, yes, yes, sliced down into McConnell again, side-steps the challenge of Hambly, into the box THERE'S SHERIDAN but no BUT MCCALL FINDS IT...

DB: YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAS!!!!!! That's the winner, that's got to be the winner!! Excellent goal from McCall again, he's not lost it at all has he?!

LM: Good goal, the Spaam goalie couldn't recover after Sheridan's shot, a good save, but he couldn't fend off McCall's advance! It's saved by McCall, obviously fitting in the Weegie squad after all. Will we see him in Hockey Canada?

DB: Good performances should definitely be rewarded, Lyla...

94 minutes

LM: And that's it. The Weegies - 3, Spaam - 2. Definitely one of the most exciting matches I've seen in a long while. Excellent game for the young players, too.

DB: Excellent indeed. We'll see you for the next game on The Big Match, Lylia Foresters vs Mackintosh Thistle Celtic, a real stonker. And let's not forget in a few weeks, a real test - Hockey Canada vs The Weegies. We'll see you there.

Cuation work on Bye day

Cuation Idiot Monthly

The team have been working hard to prepare to face Kaze Progressa and it would seem Roy Ferguson will do a man marking job on the player in the hole. Cuation will be facing a team who just lost thier manager and will no doubt fear the players trying to show any prospective manager what they can do.

A win would give Cuation a real boost to thier chances but this away match will be very hard, despite the recent bad form, Kaze Progressa are a quality side, two defeats does not change that. Meanwhile Rejistania brushed aside a good Schiavonia team, the group already looks like Rejistania's.

In other news, The Archregimancy have taken up Ariddia's kind offer but Satan has been rumored to have refused it, wanting to go to Cuation for the matches. Arrida has once again come to the rescue with the good idea that the The Archregimancy home game is played in Ariddia while Anathematic Republics home game is played in Cuation. Let us hope such a compramise can be reached as we expect an...intresting two games from them.

Two Teams Burned, Golden Throne To Come
'Captain Marvel' gives Starblaydia 3 points

Back in the starting line-up as a warm-up for the next game against The Macabees, Starblaydia's best player, Menecrates, was unleashed upon the unsuspecting Southern Universe side. Menecrates, in his first match as team Captain, presided over a 1-0 win as he scored Starblaydia's goal from a free-kick.

With the outside of his right boot he somehow bent the ball low around the five-man wall, leaving the goalie completely stranded on the other side of the goal.

"I don't think I've ever hit a free-kick better," said Menecrates after the game, "it was just perfect, exactly what I was going for."

It is widel accepted that Khim Azanulbizarn will revert to using the predicted Starting Eleven in their upcoming match against The Macabees. Azanulbizarn has so far run his eye over all of the players regarded as substitutes and reserves in the side, and the game against their toughest opponents so far will be an opportunity for the stars to shine.

Group 7 Pts W D L GF GA GD
1. Starblaydia 6 2 0 0 3 0 3
2. New Montreal States 4 1 1 0 3 2 1
- ------------------- - - - - - - --
3. The Lowland Clans 3 1 0 0 3 2 1
4. Keyshona 1 0 1 0 0 0 0
5. The Macabees 1 0 1 1 3 4 -1
6. Dagabom 1 0 1 1 0 2 -2
7. Southern Universe 0 0 0 2 1 3 -2

Starblaydia already lead their Group by two points after just two matches and will look to keep that cushion from New Montreal States firmly intact. In reality this is perhaps the easiest Group Starblaydia have ever been placed into, given their own quality compared to that of the other teams in the Group. Starblaydi sides have gone through Qualifiers unbeaten twice in recent years, during World Cups 22 and 24. With the World Championship under their belt, and tgiventhis Group, could Starblaydia take a 100% record from Qualifying for the first time? Not slipping up against the Golden Throne's team will be but the third of a fourteen step programme.

Final Score from Southern Universe:
Southern Universe 0 - 1 Starblaydia
(None) - (Menecrates 27)

The Wentland squad left their hotel in Collonie in some despair. On paper their second easiest match, a chance for a World Cup victory, but despite an attacking performance of which to be proud - three goals for only the second time in history - the defence had proved to be unexpectedly porous.

Edgar Bluff therefore had an idea. "Come on, lads," he said. "We're off to a special location."

Huh, thought the squad members. Another gruelling training session awaits.

Twenty miles out of their hotel, someone noticed lights out of the window. A veritable Vegas of electricity. And music! "A carnival?" said Edmunds. "Indeed," said Bluff.

"We've got too stale. Now's the chance to let hair down. Just enjoy yourselves."

And they did. They went on the various sideshows, Devey actually won at the three card monte, Edmunds showed his skill at throwing in the coconut shy and won teddies for the entire team, Treves was followed around by doe-eyed Collonian teenaged girls besotted by the 2 goal hero, the twins amused themselves by getting the same score on the strength tester and Jenkins nearly broke it with an almighty swipe.

And after descending the helter-skelter Grosvenor noticed something interesting. A bathing beauty suspended above a freezing cold pool. Target to her left. Hit the target with a football, explained the carny, and you give her a dunking. Think she needs one, he added, no-one's done it yet.

So Grosvenor hit the target. Once. Splash. Twice. Splash. Three times. Splash. The other team members noticed the commotion as more and more people came to watch. So they all had a go. They all hit the target repeatedly. The poor girl would have needed a week to dry off.

Back on the coach. "That's better, lads. All happier now?"

It was a risk. It seemed to have worked. But was it a bluff too far from Bluff?

All he could do was wait. Next match was at home. Wentland's first ever home match in the World Cup. The Warplands ground in Warpstone was the venue...50,000 seater of brushed aluminium...but hopefully a fervid atmosphere. As long as they did not turn on the boss.

BoF Form Continues for Kittens

The Apologetic Kittens find themselves in second place in the group for the first region, behind a Sarzonia side running rampant.

A draw in the first game against Kericia was hailed as a magnificant performance, although the game itself was rather scrappy. There were no heroics as Lee Roberts first half goal was cancelled just past the hour. Neither goal was especially spectacular, and the fans left rather disappointed. More action should be expected at this level.

Such action was provided in the second qualifying match. EL CID THE HERO were the opponents, and on paper much the better team. Ernest Newman opened the scoring after just 12 minutes with a stunning solo effort, placing the ball into the bottom right corner.

EL CID were not likely to accept such a result after their big win in the previous match, and began to fight back. A stunning free kick levelled the scores at 1-1 before the end of the half.

Neither team looked likely to score until late into the second half, when Enrique Monroe began displaying the ridiculous energy which almost won a place in the final of the BoF. He set up Dewey Gronko, who wasted no time putting the ball in the back of the net. The game ending 2-1 in the Kittens favour.

Two games. One win and one draw has been a dream start to this World Cup Qualifying campaign. Long shall it continue under Moore.

jilih'mi'raju!

Schiavonia was an unknown factor in the group 4. Their semifinal appearance in the Baptism of Fire showed that they have quite potential. Their begin of the World Cup was an upset-win against Kaze Progressa. The rejistanian coach Seletarakeledira Hanselijimijile warned in seeing this match as a walkover: "Schiavonia is a different league than Pyrologists or the like." However, the match was not a very close one, even though a mistake of "ines'he" (newbie) Simi~ll Viki nearly caused striker Topp'he to score, however, the ball went wide. Raju had a good day in this match: He had the two chances, which he converted as well as others. He was in top form and the Schiavone defense was not really expecting the not-quite-karelan play of the midfielders and the striker.

Viki'he later commented about his debut in the national team: "Of course, I was scared before it... I know that I was risking ruin my reputation within 90 minutes, but I think, I not too much did."

Schaivonia 0 - Rejistania 2 (Raju 22nd, 67th)

jilih'mi'raju!

Schiavonia was an unknown factor in the group 4. Their semifinal appearance in the Baptism of Fire showed that they have quite potential. Their begin of the World Cup was an upset-win against Kaze Progressa. The rejistanian coach Seletarakeledira Hanselijimijile warned in seeing this match as a walkover: "Schiavonia is a different league than Pyrologists or the like." However, the match was not a very close one, even though a mistake of "ines'he" (newbie) Simi~ll Viki nearly caused striker Topp'he to score, however, the ball went wide. Raju had a good day in this match: He had the two chances, which he converted as well as others. He was in top form and the Schiavone defense was not really expecting the not-quite-karelan play of the midfielders and the striker.

Viki'he later commented about his debut in the national team: "Of course, I was scared before it... I know that I was risking ruin my reputation within 90 minutes, but I think, I not too much did."

Schiavonia 0 - Rejistania 2 (Raju 22nd, 67th)

WENTLAND TIMES DESPATCH: BLUFF OUT-BLUFFED?

The Wentland FA has called an emergency general meeting to discuss the current performance of the Wentland team in international competition. After seven games they have scored precisely two wins and a disappointing draw at Collonie has only added to the pressure on manager Edgar Bluff.

"We are happy with progress under Mr Bluff" insisted FA spokesman Robert Roberts. "We did not expect to do anything in the World Cup qualifiers save gain experience for the next time. Of course we stood little chance of qualifying and our main aim has been to improve our seeding."

There seems little chance of this. Fellow newcomers Bazalonia gained a magnificent point against likely group winners Squornshelous, while the Wents were slaughtered 5-0. Already the likelihood of overhauling the Bazalopes is remote and 6th place in group seems to be the main aim.

"The scoreline was unfortunate, but we took risks in going forward," explained Roberts. "We tried the same in Collonie and we were a little unlucky, with a 3-1 lead we were reduced to 10 men through injuries and a wonderful finish cost us 2 points. We should at least provide some entertainment whilst we play.

"Plus the draw was mightily unfortunate. We started with the hardest game of all and our confidence was low for the second. If the games had been reversed I am confident we would have 3 points on the board."

Wentland's preparations are now directed towards their first-ever home game against Nanakaland, early Group leaders.

"Even there we are unlucky," said Roberts. "They are in some very good form and will be high on confidence coming to Warpstone. But we are hoping for our fans to produce a special atmosphere to give them something to think about!"

Interest for the game remains high, but expectations are low. "A point is the height of our ambition," said Baxter Price, head of the Warpstone Supporters' Trust. "The recent results may dampen ardour a little. But at least we get to see the Nanakaland players in the flesh, even that is a major advance for us."

But for Wentland's football fanatics the delirious scenes after the unlikely conquest of Tanah Burung seem an aeon away now.

thsd:NEWS

Voobaha Brew Ha Ha
by Rami Niblick in Kellersville, Northern Voobaha

The small nations are getting bigger. After their victory against the Fbrenians, the Aces travelled to the rather bijou nation of Northern Voobaha. The supposed minnows showed a touch of class as they not only kept the first half goalless, but then managed an equaliser once they did go behind. It was not to be though as the Krytenians pulled the three points out of the bag.

The game took a long time to kick into life, with only Gabriel Kennedy's scrambled effort coming close for either side in the first half. It took over an hour for the first goal to come as the Voobahan defence held firm, but it was a peach of a strike from winger Andrew Pedroso which eventually broke the deadlock. Not that the lead lasted long; young Kendara made sure of that as he passed the pedestrian Lovitz before slotting past Barcali.

One moment makes a match though, and Krytenia's came seven minutes from time. Once again, Pedroso led poor Daniel Selan a merry dance down the wing; this time, though, he centred the ball to Kevin Keda, who found the top corner on the half-volley from the edge of the box.

With The Weegies allegedly withdrawing from the competition in protest, Krytenia's qualifying campaign may be a little shorter than expected. In the meantime, however, the canny Spaamanians ar next; expect a tight game.

NORTHERN VOOBAHA - 1
Kendara 66

KRYTENIA - 2
Pedroso 63
Keda 83

Orange-Blue Watch: Matchday II
by Bill Tulos in Schiavonia

SELETAO continues to bring victory and clean sheets to Rejistania; his "not-quite-Karelan" style, which City fans have called the "Sistenha Avidia" for years, brought a three-nil victory for the Orange-Blues away at Schiavonia.

SCORERS
G. Kennedy - 3
R. Spivey - 2
C. Blannix - 1
K. Keda - 1
A. Pedroso - 1

SCHEDULE:
MD1: H v FBR W 6-0 (Isserson Stadium, Everton City, EC)
MD2: A v NVO W 2-1
MD3: H v SPA ????? (Mercia Stadium, Bromham, CP)
MD4: A v HCN ?????
MD5: A v FSX ?????
MD6: H v WEE ????? (Isserson Stadium, Everton City, EC)
MD7: BYE - NO GAME
MD8: A v FBR ?????
MD9: H v NVO ????? (Lays Road Ground, Leston, LS)
MD10: A v SPA ?????
MD11: H v HCN ????? (Isserson Stadium, Everton City, EC)
MD12: H v FSX ????? (Walton Gardens, Simpson, OU)
MD13: A v WEE ?????
MD14: BYE - NO GAME

Announcer: It's World Cup Tonight.. Brought to you by Chairman Meow, the Chinese food for cats. Now, Live from Lambrecht Field in Kellnersville, Here's your hosts, Chris Blurrman and Stuart Snott..

<the animation fades to show the NVNN set at the end of a littered Lambrecht Field pitch and the two anchors. Chris, looking much older and unkept since his glory days 20 years ago, and Stuart: younger and trendier, wearing his trademark neon lime green jacket with sunglasses.>

Stuart: We got invited to the party, we brought the party home, and the party done got crashed.

Chris: It's a quieter than we imagined after Northern Voobaha's first ever home international... the World Cup 26 qualifier with Krytenia...

<as video comes up of fans wearing the blue and white jerseys and waving to the cameras>

Chris: and for some the party does continue on this historic night in the Principality.. Prince Vox watching from the Royal Skybox accompanied by Teri Thatcher from the hit show "Desperate Soccermoms"... The Prime Minister doing the ceremonial first throw-in..

Stuart: the action was better once the clock started, no doubt abut that though.. cut to the first half.. It's the Voo on the run.. Jean-Michel Melby.. check the run.. dude busting move past Cam Stevenson.. chip across to Moeschler.. top of the box.. you know Thriller ain't seen a shot he dont like.. except that one. Barcali with the easy deflection over the net.. both teams pretty much feeling each other out in a scoreless first half..

Chris: But it wouldn't stay that way much longer.. 63rd minute.. time to boot up some 80s pop as Krytenia goes on the attack.. Stephen "who can it" Greenow.. ahead for the ever quick Andrew Pedroso... shot.. SCORE! Pedroso drills the ball near side on Andrews.. and Krytenia goes up one-nil.
And the look of dejection on the face of Coach Andre Patterson..

Stuart: But it does get better.. Tape Dude, kick this thing ahead three minutes..

<the tape fast forwards past the Krytenia celebration.. and three mnutes of action looking like a Benny Hill chase in fast forward>

Stuart: love when Tape Dude does that, still busts me up whenever we fast forward. Gear it down homes.. 66th tick now.. the Voo rolling.. Ted Stefaniak.. he straight outta Vorodah, feed ahead for Eckes... lob it up into the box.... Kendara slidng past Lovitz..flick that in and gimme a hell yeah! We got Goal! and of course.. Kendara celelbrates as only he does.. pull the shirt over your face Special K, and run crazy!

Chris: the Blues first World Cup goal... comes at home, in minute 156 of competition.

Stuart: and notice the Kendara fans.. they do NOT pull the shirt up.. theres a few of the girls that I wish that would though.. and you sir, pull your shirt back down. Damn.. did not need to see that.

Chris.. all tied up at one... final minutes of play.. Krytenia pushing forward again.. Pedroso.. on the near side..looking for his second.. scooting past Eckes <whoop>.. dancing by big Dan Selan <whoop>.. center's it up.. and Kevin Keda.. volley past Andrews.. TOP SHELF! score it!! Demoralizing goal late to hand the Voo the 2-1 loss at home.. and Krytenia celebrates with a well earned win here in Kellnersville...

Stuart: so brother Chris, was it just me, or did Andrews look a little shell-shocked in the net tongiht?

Chris: he did look frazzled tongiht.. may be the atmosphere... after all it was the first international here at home... sellout crowd.. or maybe he was still trying to thaw out from 90 minutes of frozen Karel-flavored footy last night in the loss to Hockey Canada. Of course, that may be the reason Coach P says he's starting Cooper Tillery tomorrow night back here against the enigmatic FSX.

Staurt: FSX? didn't I work for that network once? Oh wait that was FSNV, my bad.

Chris: So as we stand.. the Blues are still looking for that first World Cup point as we get into the home stand... four straight here in Kellersville, with FSX, the Weegies, who beat Spaam 3-2 tonight... and Fbreania, with their dark jerseys coming in. then the road trip to Spaam to wrap up the first leg.
and like our national anthem says, it is a "Long, long journey through the darkness. A long, long way to go...

SCHEDULE:
MD1: @ HCN L 1-0
MD2: v KRY L 2-1 (Lambrecht Field, Kellnersville)
MD3: v FSX (Lambrecht Field, Kellnersville)
MD4: OFF DAY
MD5: v WEE (Lambrecht Field, Kellnersville)
MD6: v FBR (Lambrecht Field, Kellnersville)
MD7: @ SPA
MD8: v HCN (Riverrun Park, Wikata)
MD9: @ KRY
MD10: @ FSX
MD11: OFF DAY
MD12: @ WEE
MD13: @ FBR
MD14: v SPA (Riverrun Park, Wikata)

Stuart: On that note, we out. For my boy Chris Blurrman, I'm Stuart Snott, See you tomorrow night. Peace from K'ville.

<as the theme music comes up.. tha camera slowly pulls back to reveal the full set and the camera crew, all wearing blue soccer jerseys...>

World Cup 26 News

Qualification Schedule Finally Announced


The HFA have finally announced the venues that will host the Hyppos’ home fixtures. As expected the Hyppodrome will host the big matches against One Red Dot and Oaker as well as the visit of the Majeristan Falcons. Pylos’ Oceanside Stadium will host two fixtures. The football association clearly felt guilty about inflicting System Karela on the southern city and included a second fixture, against Hurleyland. The remaining match will be played at the Drissa Sports Arena where the Hyppos have a formidable record in qualifiers.


Karelan Controversy


A fixture against System Karela, refereed by a Rejistanian, isn’t exactly a crowd puller and consequently Pylos’ Oceanside Stadium was barely one tenth full, the vast majority of fans preferring to watch from the comfort of their own homes. They may have been a small crowd but stewards and police struggled to hold angry fans back after the referee disallowed a seemingly good goal for the fourth time in the match.

As the final whistle blew to a chorus of boos and jeers the referee had to be escorted off the pitch and the players from System Karela also made a hasty exit. A fuming Dave Wilson refused to attend the post match press conference but his assistant Gregory Vidal made his own feelings clear. “That was an absolute disgrace. We could have played all day and still the ref would have kept it goalless. Someone in authority should take a look at this match.”

And in fact the powers that be were paying close attention as this and a similarly dodgy group fixture between Vilita and Gruenberg were ordered to be replayed by world football’s hierarchy. This time, despite resolute defending from the Karelans, a break through was made when Bercali’s wickedly whipped ball into the box was turned in by Ashley Deucher. This time when the final whistle blew two extra points to the Hyppo’s name made the earlier controversy slightly easier to swallow.

Unsurprisingly top seeds One Red Dot lead the way after wins over Palacetonia and Majeristan. They are two points clear of Hypocria and Hurleyland. Oaker are fourth after being held by both Majeristan and System Karela. The Karelans and the Falcons both have a single point while Palacetonia prop up the rest after losing both their opening games.
Region 12 Pts W D L GF:GA GD
1. One Red Dot 6 2 0 0 5:1 4
2. Hypocria 3 1 0 0 1:0 1
3. Hurleyland 3 1 0 0 3:2 1
4. Oaker 2 0 2 0 1:1 0
5. System Karela 1 0 1 1 0:1 -1
6. Majeristan 1 0 1 1 2:4 -2
7. Palacetonia 0 0 0 2 2:5 -3
After sitting out matchday 2 it’s not going to get any easier with four straight away fixtures. First up is a tricky trip to Oaker but after the Shark’s less than impressive start fans will be hopeful of avenging the 1 - 0 defeat in Oaker that ended Hypocria’s qualification hopes four years ago.



Qualification Schedule


Hypocria v System Karela (Oceanside Stadium, Pylos) (1 - 0)
Bye
Oaker v Hypocria
Hurleyland v Hypocria
Majeristan v Hypocria
One Red Dot v Hypocria
Hypocria v Palacetonia (Drissa Sports Arena, Drissa)
System Karela v Hypocria
Bye
Hypocria v Oaker (Hyppodrome, Hypocrium)
Hypocria v Hurleyland (Oceanside Stadium, Pylos)
Hypocria v Majeristan (Hyppodrome, Hypocrium)
Hypocria v One Red Dot (Hyppodrome, Hypocrium)
Palacetonia v Hypocria

Dis is da deadline for todayz RPees.

Qutar Sports News Network

Good Morining Qutar, we bring you live to the Stadium of Light in our capital, as we face Five Civilized Nations in our second ever World Cup Qualifier, they are currently ranked 25th in the world, 79 places ahead of our current ranking. Things are looking like going in Qutar favour, with the captain Chris Saunders coming back from the injury he picked up against Pastorville, and the crowd are really going to get behind Qutar tonight with only around 3,000 away fans turning up tonight, the tickets were re-allocated back to the home side. It looks like things are going to get started as the players come out onto the pitch, lineing up for the anthems, and the sound in the new stadium is deafening as Qutar's anthem is sung, and now the match is ready to get underway.

It looks like Chris Saunders has won the toss, and Qutar is going to start the match off, and they start off strong with Thomas making a move forward, the Five Civilized Nations number 8 comes out to tackle him, but Thomas skips over the tackle, he's turning on the pace now, he's got Ali in support, but he doesn't seem to need him, and he gets past the number 4, he's through on goal, he shoots he's beaten the keeper, he scores!! Unbelievable! Its 1-0 against the 25th ranked team in the world, and we're only 2 minutes in. The Five Civilized Nations players are looking on in shock, as Thomas celebrates his goal down at the other end of the pitch. Qutar are in the lead.

Five Civilized Nations start the match of again, and they seem bemused they weren't expecting anything like this, and they've lost possesion already, Gordon stealing the ball away, and moving down the centre of midfield, but this time he is closed down by the number 7, I sorry QSNN hasn't been able to provide me with names at the moment, their number 7 is in possesion of the ball, he's moving down with support, he spots his striker making a move, I tthink that the number 10, yes it is, he has the ball and tries to take on Lemkes, who puts in a good tackle to get possesion back in Qutar's favour, Nick Saunders has the ball at the moment, he's moving down the left wing, he has Tomlin ahead of him, and Ali and Thomas to the right, a defender, number 3, comes out to tackle, but he gets it to Tomlin, who sees Ali making a run into the box, he gets a cross it, it meets the head of Ali, but oh! The goalkeeper tips it round the post for a corner. Another close chance for Qutar, against a team ranked 25th in the world. Its going to be Parker to take the corner, and the defence looks in disarray trying to mark Ali and Thomas, oh Parker gets the corner in, Ali outjumps his marker, gets the header in, its beaten the keeper, and its in!!! Qutar are now 2-0 up, 2-0 up against Five Civilized Nations! Oh its magnificent, we are really getting to show the world what Qutar is made of!

We are about half an hour in the match now, as Five Civilized Nations prepare to kick off again, and with two goals to their advantage Qutar are looking the much stronger team out on the field today, the Five Civilized Nations players look downheartened, as they kick off, the number 10 tries to make his way past Gordon but to no avail, as Gordon takes back possesion, and moves down the pitch, he's building up play, with Tomlin and Parker either side of him, he passes to Parker, who moves down the right wing, he's being closed down by a defender, he's passes back to Nick Saunders, who sees Thomas making a run, passes to him, he's through on goal, he shoots, oh tipped away by the keeper for a corner. Its going to be Parker to take it, he swings it in, the keeper punches the ball out, but only so far as Gordon who hammers a strike it, oh but it just goes over, and the referee blows his whistle to end the first half. And what a first half, Qutar are two goals up against the 25th ranked side in the world, I know I keep saying it, but what a start!

Welcome back, we're now going live back to the stadium as the second half is about to get underway. Five Civilized Nations seem like they've had a stern talking to, as they look determined to get the game back under control, and as they kick off, they seem to start well, with the number 10 moving through past Gordon and Chris Saunders, hes moving towards, goal he past Lemkes, oh no he's not great saving tackle from Lemkes there, oh the number 10 is staying down, oh the referee is falling for this blantent dive, Paul Dove is on the touchline yelling at the referee, the fourth offical is reminding him to stay in the dugout, if I were in his shoes i'd have been on the pitch protesting. Oh well its a free kick to Five Civilized Nations, its they're number 7 to take the free kick, you know I really wished they'd put their names on the back of their shirts, anyway he runs in for the kick, over the wall, oh great save there by Stone, looked like he had him beat, but somehow Stone managed to stretch to save that one. Its a corner for Five Civilized Nations, and the number 7 gets it in, but only to be grabbed by Stone, as he tries to move his team on. We're now around 70 minutes into the match, and the Five Civilized Nations midfield has sealed up some of the leaks that were evident in the first half, and neither team has made any real breakthrough, oh but look Ali is making a run from the half way line, breaking on the counter attack, he manages to get past the number 6, he's got two defenders coming in on him, he manages to gets past them with ease, the goalkeeper comes out, but Ali chips it over him, oh its coming back down beautifully, oh its in, what a deilightfull goal! The crowd in the Stadium of Light is going crazy! We're 3-0 up, people in pubs all over the country must be loving this match, I sure as hell know I am!

Well with 20 minutes remaining of this match, It seems that victory is certain, but Paul Dove is out getting his players focused, its not over yet. Five Civilized Nations start the match off again, they are moving up the pitch, they seem more determined than ever, to at least salvage some pride, but Lemkes is more than equal to the task, with a well timed tackle to get possesion back, as he moves the ball up, perhaps we'll see a fourth goal for Qutar tonight, Gordon moves forward with the ball, he's almost being lazy with the ball, showing off some skills, he sees Thomas making a run, and gets the ball through, but the flag has been raised, Thomas was caught offside. Things have quietened down, and we're in the last minute of play, with this looking like the last move of the match, with Chris Saunders on the ball at the moment, he sees Ali making a move, passes the ball through to him, Ali gets past his marker, hes on goal, he shoots for the hat-trick, he's beaten the keeper, but oh no it hits the post and goes out of play as the referee blows his whistle for full time. What a second game 3-0 Qutar!


The Islands of Qutar 3 (2) - (0) 0 Five Civilized Nations
Thomas, 2
Ali, 24, 71

http://i21.photobucket.com/albums/b274/John_Spinks/Elrichlogopaint.jpg

"Bassett's Allsorts"

After sitting out Matchday 2, the Kingdom of Elrich find themselves "unluckily" rooted to the base of the Group 13 table, the only side yet to pick up a point. After a first match defeat to Great Zucchini, manager Mike Basset and his controversial centre-half the Wolfman have been receiving the brunt of harsh criticism around the nation.

Region 13 Pts W D L GF:GA GD
1. Cockbill Street 6 2 0 0 6:0 6
2. Eauz 4 1 1 0 3:2 1
3. Giant Zucchini 3 1 0 1 4:4 0
4. Dance 2 Revolution 1 0 1 0 1:1 0
5. Amorah 1 0 1 1 1:2 -1
6. Nezza 1 0 1 1 1:6 -5
7. Elrich 0 0 0 1 2:3 -1

"It's beyond a joke" said an over-the-top and angry Elrichian supporter after the 3-2 loss to the Zucchinis, "Mike Bassett has had chance after chance after chance off FA. His old-fashioned style can only get us so far, and this Wolfman fiasco has made us the laughing stock of the footballing world."

"I don't think Bassett's got too long left to turn things around," stated TicTacTv pundit Larry Ginekar, "He's done great things for this nation but it's clear that he is losing support both with the FA and with the fans. He needs a few good results, and quickly."

"THE BLOODY WOLFMAN!!" shrieked an enraged Sean Malongey of the yellow army fan-group, "Everyone knows he's a liabilty. He was beyond woeful yesterday, like a hairy Titus Bramble! What he was he thinking diving in like that, has he got a brain? And what was Bassett thinking picking him? Don't get me wrong, we've had some great times under Bassett, but he needs to be a man and accept he's made a mistake here. Until then, he's not seeing eye-to-eye with the fans."

Mike Bassett responded to harsh criticism earlier today in the pre-match press conference in Eauz earlier today. The conference was designed to be focusing on tomorrows game, but the subject turned to Bassett's authority as head coach. Bassett responded in typically resiliant fashion,

"In my time as manager I have taken us from nothing to 56th in the World. If that's not good enough for some people then I don't know. And I stick by my decision to include the Wolfman. Ok, maybe he has caused us unwanted publicity, and maybe he is a threat to our players in training, and maybe he was to blame for 2 goals last week but I'd like to see you tell him that to his face! It's going to be a tough game tomorrow and I'm going to need my strongest team out there, I'm not going to leave out a key player because he's got negative press."

Are Vultures circling around the Bassett Allsorts? Please send in your views.

World Cup Reporters
Hiiraan Wins Sensationally,

Last Game
Hiiraan vs Rolatia
Nationale Stadia di Møgädisho
Score: Hiiraan 1 : Rolatia 0

Hiiraan won its first game since its depature 2 years ago from the International Football Stage. "Its great, we will have fun until tomorrow" said the coach as he left the stadia di Møgädisho. the crowds, reaching to 180,000 and millions watching, cheered on the name of Zakariya Mohamed, the lone scorer at the 82nd minute of the match. "I am just glad I had the opportunity, I could see the goalie out of his position, I could see the defenders were also not in position. I took the shot, and men did it pay off" he told reporters as he was leaving for the lockeroom with his fellow players, who hugged him and jumped on his back as he went with them.

Tedd Verres of Rolatia came preety close to tie Hiiraan in the 85th minute when he bypassed 3 defenders from Hiiraan. He was at last stopped by Warsame Mohamed of Hiiraan, who gave a nasty challange, which was booked as yellow by referee Yusuf Adan.

"Oh Boy was he close, that would have been a disaster" said Goalie Yusuf Jamaa, who stopped 8 shots through the game. "I am just proud of what my team did, how they played and how they were, I am glad no goal came through too" he told reporters giggling with fellow teamate Mohamed Nuur.

After the Game, the coach was congratulated and asked questions, after the brief after game news conference, Mr. Luure was asked about the next game. "We are currently preparing our bags, and we will head out to the Kazoo Peoples land late tonigh. Tomorrow will train as usual and hopefully, if god or anyone can have a mercy on us, we ask for a draw, or if a mircle can happen, we ask for the miracle of winning tomorrow's deadly match against the Kazoo peoples" said the coach. right after this statement, the coach left the stadia di Møgädisho for his home, where he was scheduled to collect few items of his possesions for tonight's trip to the Kazoo Peoples.

Copperplate Bold agreement reached

The World Cup reporter cannot veryfy this story. Late yesterday Schiavonia news agencies reported that a deal was reached between Font negotiator. Schiavonia has dropped the font known as "Copperplate Gothic bold" has been agreed to be shared by Schiavonia's news agencies and any other intrested new agency. We do not know when, where, or why this agreement has been reached, all we can bring is what happened.

Next Game
Hiiraan vs The Kazoo Peoples
The Kazoo Peoples

Coach Gabriel Mallors was disappointed. Though he had expected to lose to, he paused to check the name of the team he had played, 'O-gle-thor-pia'. He said the name outloud trying to say it correctly.

Anyhow he was disappointed. Nothing like a home loss to make everyone forget you exist. Had this been another sport, or another team, or had it been in Loyalty Bay, the city in the nation that lived, ate, and digested football, then well it would have been on the news. This however was Locke Harbour. The game was hosted in the neighbourhood of South Locke Harbour (http://img217.echo.cx/img217/3397/lhs1987downtown0sn.png)which would help with tourism no doubt especially with one of the higher ranked teams visiting. Still however losing was not a good thing, especially getting shut out.

That said they did play well. They had a couple of chances but nothing really out of the ordinary. Wait a second, there was that one shot that forward Gerald Appleake hit over the bar however that was not much of a threat anyhow. Then of course the Oglethorpia goal at the 54th minute kinda drowned the enthusiasm of the players, and the fans for that matter. Gabriel remember looking up into the stands at the fans, and he could see they wanted more action. He shrugged his shoulders, a rugby city by birth so what would he expect. He just hoped his team would score next game.

As he checked the schedule he began to laugh in relation to his last thought, as he saw his team was heading to Bedistan next.

Pulling out the roster for Bedistan (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=10199440&postcount=31), now where was it he thought as he pulled out first the Catadunes roster (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=10204094&postcount=34). 'No no', he thought to himself since that was for the game after. He then pulled the Archregimancy roster (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=10196562&postcount=25). He wished he was more organized. Oh well time to plan how to defend against Bedistan. He looked for and found the article on how the North Beach Sharks planned for their meeting with Bedistan in World Cup 24. Then again though that was a bit ago and they had lost 2-0 in the game anyhow. He thought it was 2-0 at least. Where was the article, ah he found it here (http://invisionfree.com/forums/The_Heartland/index.php?showtopic=3330&st=19). What newspaper was this he wondered before looking at the top. Ah, Loyalty Bay Informer (as opposed to his usual reading, the PopularFreedom Ticker (http://www.geocities.com/PopularFreedomTicker/)). So much football in the Informer he thought to himself as he read about the game as he watched tapes of Bedistan in their first 2 matches thus far this World Cup 26.

"From Ace to Base" by Nev Gould

After an amazing start with the Bazalopes drawing 4th ranked Squornshelous Psychoes and only loosing by one point to 35th ranked Nedalia Lions. Today in their home match The Bazalopes embarresed themesleves against Collonie ranked 184th in the world... Not only loosing to them but they lost in a big way. The score was 5 Collonie and 1 to the Bazalopes. When asked what happened at the after match press conference at TeleBaz Stadium Caine Hawdon replied...

"Well the Draw with Squornshelous Psychoes obviously took alot out of the team, physically and emotionally it was a victory to us even though it was not on the points table. They just weren't really really upto it... We will be using our upcoming bye to give the players rest... They had worked hard and with our latest performance, they need it."

The man of the match was obviously Clyde Misterson the captain of the Collonie team scoring 4 out of 5 collonie goals... The other Goal scorers where Kate Windsor, after being set up by her teammate Bobby Connon, a midfielder. And Peter Hobble scored the Bazalopes only goal. Not only have the Bazalopes fallen to the lowest ranked team in the group but they are now equal last with Wentland on the scale. A promosing start but have tripped over themselves not far down the line. The only question remains will the Bazalopes bye 1. Put them last place on their lonesome and 2 can they recover from this humiliation? Only time will tell.

THE ARCHREGIMANCY BRINGS YOU

WORLD CUP TONIGHT

With Fr. Nicholas the Scribe and Fr. John the Golden-Throated


"So... Fr. John... away to Oglethorpia... A tough assignment"

"Yes, Fr. Nicholas, but through God all things are possible - and besides, on a more practical level, this is precisely the sort of match we have to win. And besides, last night we have particular cause to believe in divine intercession in our favour."

"You don't mean Saint...."

"I do mean St. Anthony. As all our listeners were aware, yesterday was the day of the Venerable and God-Bearing St. Anthony the Great, the Father of monasticism. If we couldn't win with the help of St. Anthony, we were never going to win"

"Perhaps, Fr. John, you might remind us of some of the details of St. Anthony's life - I'm sure our audience never tires of an opportunity for spiritual edification on Monastic TV."

"Indeed - and might I add that some of the incidents from his life are highly relevant in giving the squad pointers in how to defeat the devil on matchday 5:
St. Anthony endured terrible temptations from the devil. The Enemy of the race of man troubled the young ascetic with thoughts of his former life, doubts about his chosen path, concern for his sister, and he tempted Anthony with lewd thoughts and carnal feelings. But the saint extinguished that fire by meditating on Christ and by thinking of eternal punishment, thereby overcoming the devil.

Realizing that the devil would undoubtedly attack him in another manner, St. Anthony prayed and intensified his efforts. Anthony prayed that the Lord would show him the path of salvation. And he was granted a vision. The ascetic beheld a man, who by turns alternately finished a prayer, and then began to work. This was an angel, which the Lord had sent to instruct His chosen one.

St. Anthony tried to accustom himself to a stricter way of life. He partook of food only after sunset, he spent all night praying until dawn. Soon he slept only every third day. But the devil would not cease his tricks, and trying to scare the monk, he appeared under the guise of monstrous phantoms. The saint however protected himself with the Life-Creating Cross. Finally the Enemy appeared to him in the guise of a frightful looking black child, and hypocritically declaring himself beaten, he thought he could tempt the saint into vanity and pride. The saint, however, vanquished the Enemy with prayer.

For even greater solitude, St. Anthony moved farther away from the village, into a graveyard. He asked a friend to bring him a little bread on designated days, then shut himself in a tomb. Then the devils pounced upon the saint intending to kill him, and inflicted terrible wounds upon him. By the providence of the Lord, Anthony's friend arrived the next day to bring him his food. Seeing him lying on the ground as if dead, he took him back to the village. They thought the saint was dead and prepared for his burial. At midnight, St. Anthony regained consciousness and told his friend to carry him back to the tombs.

St. Anthony's staunchness was greater than the wiles of the Enemy. Taking the form of ferocious beasts, the devils tried to force the saint to leave that place, but he defeated them by trusting in the Lord. Looking up, the saint saw the roof opening, as it were, and a ray of light coming down toward him. The demons disappeared and he cried out, "Where have You been, O Merciful Jesus? Why didn't You appear from the very beginning to end my pain?"

The Lord replied, "I was here, Anthony, but wanted to see your struggle. Now, since you have not yielded, I shall always help you and make your name known throughout all the world." After this vision St. Anthony was healed of his wounds and felt stronger than before. He was then thirty-five years of age. "

"A model to us all, Fr. John - but what about last night's match?"

"Oh yes. I almost forgot! In the end, it was a fairly routine 1-0 victory over the Ostriches. Let's look at some highlights...

Fr. Justinian the Thrice-Blessed was in fine form, saving this clever Oglethorpia free kick in the 14th minute, and showing some excellent form in the air - no fear of crosses for our goalkeeper!

But except for that Oglethorpia free-kick, the first half was a relatively tame affair. We probably edged possession, but neither team could turn possession into chances - never mind goals

So it came as something of a surprise when - once again - the lads came out spiritually refreshed for the second half, and proceeded to lay siege to the Oglethorpia goal. Fr. Silouan, Fr. Basil the Faster, and Fr. Michael the Greater all narrowly missing.

In the end, it was Fr. Silouan who broke the deadlock in the 51st minute, with a fine half-volley from a Fr. Pavel cross. The Cross is the path to victory, after all.

After that, our lads shut the match down. The three Fr. Michaels and Fr. Dmitri controlled the back line, and except for this long-range shot from Fr. David, neither team looked like scoring. All fairly routine in the end."

"What about the other group matches, Fr. John?"

"Well, Bedistan 4 PopularFreedom 1 showed the group favourites were more than capable of recovering from their previous Hellish defeat, while it gives me great satisfaction to announce Anathematic Republics 0 United Island Empires 1"

"Perhaps Satan forgot to cheat?"

"Perhaps he did, Fr. Nicholas, but I can't say I either know or care. The events of Hell are beneath contempt. But that all leaves the group table looking like:

Region 11 Pts W D L GF:GA GD
1. Bedistan 6 2 0 1 8:2 6
2. United Island Empires 6 2 0 0 3:1 2
3. The Archregimancy 4 1 1 0 3:2 1
4. Anathematic Republics 4 1 1 1 1:1 0
Oglethorpia 4 1 1 1 1:1 0
6. PopularFreedom 1 0 1 2 3:7 -4
7. Cataduanes 0 0 0 2 1:6 -5

A bit of a surprise in the UIE, but otherwise I think we're just beginning to see form sort itself out"

"And the Anathematic Republics controversy?"

"There is no controversy. We're not going to either communicate or compromise with Hell - I have no idea what Satan is suggesting as an alternative because all of us in the Archregimancy have cast him out from our lives. We're turning up in Ariddia to play the matches on the date and location specified. The only way this course of action can be changed is through direct intervention by Commerce Heights and Oliverry who - as tournament organisers - can specify an alternative neutral venue. Otherwise, we'll be playing in Ariddia, and if Satan's lot don't turn up, they forfeit. End of story"

Local Crazy Person Donald McRonald, sitting outside of a local donut shop, starting rambling. We wrote down the most imporant things he said...

"I'd just like to say a shocking trend I've seen as we have advanced further in the tournament. Of the top 32 teams, 12 of them have had no fan support at all. By no fans support, we mean no newspaper or television channel has featured any spots or reports about the team being in the World Cup. Here are the teams:

Total n Utter Insanity (7)
Turori (8)
Cockbill Street (11)
One Red Dot (15)
Crystilakere (16)
Lovisa (17)
Oaker (18)
Eauz (19)
Vilita (21)
Five Civilized Nations (25)
Spruitland (28)
EL CID THE HERO (32)

"And of those, the lack of fan support has hurt some; for example:

"#8 Turori (Group 6), at 1-2-0, has only 5 points. Drawing #120th Kazoo Peoples and #83 Swilatia are signs of their decline.
#16 Crystilakere (Group 5), at 1-1-1, has only 4 points after three games. And after drawing #70 Euroslavia and losing to #139 Gruenberg, it only seems a matter of time until they are out of qualifying.
#17 Lovisa (Group 10), at 2-0-1, has a respectable 6 points, but has lost to #102 Ariddia. It could just be a fluke.
#19 Eauz (Group 13), 2-1-0, has a good 7 points, but a draw to Amorah (#149, but fared somewhat well in Baptism of Fire) has me wondering.
#32 EL CID THE HERO (Group 1), 2-0-1, has a fair 6 points, but lost to the Apolgetic Kittens (#119, but was a semifinalist at the Baptism of Fire, so really nothing to be too concerned of, I think).

"And let me tell you something about kangaroos....[incomprehensible babbling, word slurring edited for your protection]"

"...um, thank you for your words, Mr. McRonald."

"What? Get out of my face, woman! And while you're at it, get me some cornbread!"

The Incorporated States of the Kazoo Peoples would like to note here that Mr. McRonald's views, opinions, and sexist slurs do not necessarily represent the opinions of this newspaper, our nation, our Sports Ministry, or individual persons residing within our fine nations. We only feature him because he can sometimes offer some good advice in times of crisis, or otherwise when we have no news to report. Thank you for your cooperation.

PALADINS SHINE AT THE SANDS

Sellout crowd cheers NMS to key win over Lowland Clans

MONCTON SANDS - Despite a boycott called by the Free Bigtopia party, picketers at the gates and a threat "upon the person of William Branstone," 85,617 people were sitting in Coyote Stadium for the first-ever qualifying match here in the colonies, ready for some football.

And boy did they get in.

In a fast-paced, high-octane match not decided until the 77th minute, the Paladins put down the Lowland Clans in the first of several crucial matches in determining who gets the tickets to Commerce Heights or Oliverry.

Gilderay Brébeuf opened the scoring 12 minutes in, on a shot just beneath the crossbar. Although the Paladins controlled the pace of play for most of the first half, Nicolae Foma snuck through the line for a pass from Jericho Carrol that left keeper John Hinds calling offsides. Review of the play by various sporting networks showed that Foma was not offsides and that the goal was both legit and very well-placed.

Foma wasn't done yet. With time running down in the first half, the Clans bore down onto the defense, and Foma headed one in on a shot off the bar by Aleksander Kostandin as time ran down in the half.

It was, however, a renewed (and probably badly-chewed out) Paladins offense that came out on the pitch in the second half. Brébeuf and Tomlin spearheaded the attack, breaking a gap in the defense that let midfielder Ilya Kuznetsov put in the equalizer at 61 minutes.

A stalemate of almost-Karelan proportions than broke out, with the Paladins pressing the offensive and the Clans ably defending their net. A sudden breakout rocked the Paladins on their heels, and only a timely save by Hinds in the 69th minute kept the game at 2-all.

Branstone yanked Brébeuf for the inconsistent (and fresh) André St-Louis after another drive fizzled in the 75th minute, who quickly demonstrated how talented he can be when he's on, stealing the ball from Bashkim in the back and putting in the winner before anyone caught on.

The Paladins fell back, constantly clearing out a Stars side determined to grab the point, but it was not to be. When Hinds lauched the ball past the midfield line with 20 seconds on the clock, the stadium rose and cheered, and time ran down on a team that had passed it's first major test this qualifiers.

The second one comes tomorrow, as 115000 stoked fans in blue and silver pour into the Paladin Dome in New Montreal to watch the Paladins clash for the first time with Starblaydia, believed to be the first time NMS has ever played a current World Cup Champion team.

Imperials Shut Out as Feared
The Goldie-Whites, as first feared, failed to score a single goal against their Starblaydi opponents, despite claims from the team, yesterday, that they would work their best to avoid a completely devastating loss. Obviously, whatever plans they had originally entered the game with had backfired, providing them nothing but with shaken fans and hardened opponents. Regardless, the team is eager to face their opponents tomorrow, Dagabom, and hopefully emerge victorious, which would serve as their first victory in World Cup 26, and effectively lift them from their current placement, which manifests how disastrous this game was, despite the fact that the team had expected to lose from the beginning. Demoralized fans have still upheld their vow to travel to the next area for the game, and fans already there have not returned their tickets, stating that they 'rather see [their] team lose, than to leave them in the dark.' However noble their intents, their presence has yet to show effect. In fact, after today's dark skies, the draw on the second matchday has been largely forgotton, although in the end, at least it was a draw, as other fans clearly point out.

Kahn summed up the disaster by circling his description on his own failures, "Well, I don't know how much you can blame me, but to an extent I am at fault. Unfortunately, I wasn't able to stop those two goals, but those Starblaydi fowards have had the experience of at least a dozen world cups on their shoulders, even if they were not the ones playing - their training has that experience. Frankly, I don't. I don't know how well I preformed, I guess that's up to the management and the coaches. I did what I could." To end it he shrugged and parted with the comment, "Some days you draw, somedays you lose."

The team's head scorer, Mannerheim, now twenty-three, said, "The team did well. We had never gone in with the hope of winning, and we had said that from the beginning. I think we should be thankful that the Starbladi only put in two goals, as opposed to three, four or even five. I think we did fine. And in the end, it was a good experience, and we'll have the fire in us to kick Dagabom's ass, simply put."

To 'kicking Dagabom's ass' coach Leo Benz said, "Despite the energetic response our team captain gave, I doubt that we'll go into the game tomorrow with our heads in the cloud. We remember the defeat inflicted by Crendonia, and we are not stupid. We are studying tomorrow's game information, and I can reassure you that we will not go unprepered. We are ready to win, and we if don't, oh well. We'll just have to hope that next World Cup we don't have such bad luck."

Apparently, such reassurences are not good enough for sponsors. Kriegzimmer has threatened to drop a three billion Reichmark (Ŗ) sponsorship deal with the team, which had originally put the armament conglomerate's name in the center of their jerseys, which could prove fatal to the team, especially since the team does not have an outside sponsor. In other words, tomorrow's game with Dagabom absolutely has to be a victory, or the team looses it's largest paycheck, which can mean disaster, not just in the World Cup, but for the future of national football in the Golden Throne in general. The team has taken the threat to heart, and as Paulus, another player, said, "I don't think we'll lose if three billion Reichmarks are at stake. I think it's like playing with your life. Fuck ups that bad just don't happen." Hopefully, tomorrow doesn't prove him wrong.

In other news, although Kahn has specified that he will remain in the service of the team, he has announced his retirement from Royal Club Española (http://ns.goobergunch.net/wiki/index.php/Royal_Club_Espa%C3%B1ola) and has begun looking for contracts with foreign teams, being the first player in the Ligue Imperioteich to leave, or try to leave. The news is disheartening at home, but he has vowed to keep with the national team until he is too old to participate. With his record, that might not be too late. But, other managers have claimed that the loss of the team in two world cups is not his fault and is merely the fault of poor experience. As now retired manager Daved Fenf has said, "He joined the game when all he could do is lose. He's done what he could have done brilliantly, and he may go down in football history as the most underestimated keeper." The nation will be waiting for what he has in this year's league game, which will be the first league competition since the beginnings of the Great Civil War, over one hundred and ten years ago. He will continue to play for Royal Club Española until the end of this league, which is when his contract has expired.

Hopefully, his confidence will not be lost at tomorrow's game. Tomorrow is his future. Today's loss put the team in last, of all, places in Group Seven, marking the luck of the team at zero. If the team wins tomorrow's game against Dagabom, many say that it will guarantee them second to last place. Depending on how Keyshona fares against The Lowland Clans, it might put them back into fifth place. Southern Universe has a bye-day, but plays the Lowland Clans on the fifth day, while the Empire does not, meaning if they are truly fortunate, they might jump to fourth place in two days. But fortune has not exactly been an ally to the Golden-Whites before.

Matches
The Lowland Clans [3-2] The Macabees
The Macabees[1-1] New Montreal States
Starblaydia vs. The Macabees
The Macabees vs. Dagabom
Bi-day
The Macabees vs. Keyshona
The Macabees vs. The Southern Universe
The Macabees vs. The Lowland Clans
New Montreal States vs. The Macabees
The Macabees vs. Starblaydia
Dagabom vs. The Macabees
Bi-day
Keyshona vs. The Macabees
The Southern Universe vs. The Macabee


1. Starblaydia 9 3 0 0 5:0 5
2. New Montreal States 7 2 1 0 6:4 2
3. The Lowland Clans 3 1 0 1 5:5 0
4. Southern Universe 3 1 0 2 3:4 -1
5. Keyshona 1 0 1 1 1:2 -1
6. Dagabom 1 0 1 1 0:2 -2
7. The Macabees 1 0 1 2 3:6 -3

Kazoos begin improvement with 3-1 win over Hiiraan

The Kazoos, playing at home tonight in the cavernous Kazoo City Stadium (otherwise known as Kazoo Kola Stadium, but due to Ministry of Sport restrictions, the stadium was renamed), raced onto the pitch with a certain energy about them.

"We really felt unified as a team," said forward Chadd Johnson before the game, "I think we're blow them out of the water."

And blow them out they did! Just 9 minutes into the game, a great pass from Kevlar Shafur to Chadd Johnson put the Kazoos up 1-0, and they never looked back. Shafur was credited with the assist.

And then, when things started to look bad, as the Hiiraanese offense had the ball in Kazoo territory for 12 minutes (20' - 32'), consistently repulsed by the superb defense and our goalkeeper Johnson (he safely all 10 goals that were shot on target during this 12-minute stretch), a streaker, pulling along a banner which read, "Font Stealer!" right in front of the Hiiraanese offense. Authorities later determined that the font used on the printed banner was none other than 1420-point Copperplate Gothic Bold, the same font which was the source of much controversy between Schiavonian and Hiiraanese newspapers earlier this week. The streaker was apprehended approximately 30 seconds after he entered the field, but the 30 seconds was apparently enough to disrupt Hiiraanese concentration, as their next shot sailed off-target, and the ball was cleared by Johnson.

The next few minutes were uneventful, but at minute 42, another Shafur-Chadd Johnson goal put the Kazoos up 2-0 before the half.

But the Hiiraanese came roaring back, scoring a goal almost instantaneously, at minute 47, at the start of the second half. The fancy footwork and passes between Nuur, Souad, and Farah ultimately confused the defense, as they allowed the threesome to get within 15 feet of the goal. With the ball trapped between all three, as they met each other back-to-back-to-back in a triangle, and then Nuur slapped it past Johnson for the goal to make it 2-1, advantage Kazoos. Later, the legality of the move was questioned, but officials said that no hands were used, and the move was legal.

"I was wondering how they moved so fluidly with them stuck together right ther'," said confused specator Derek Nigafitzz.

Scorekeepers were also puzzled on who to give the assist to, but just decided that Souad and Farah would each get 1/2 of an assist. When questioned on if that was possible, they shrugged their shoulders, and said they would be open to other suggestions.

The Kazoos responded quickly, barring all hope of a comeback, as they made a goal at minute 54, this time a Perknowleski-Rudy Johnson score, making it 3-1.

The game remained uneventful to the end.

"I'm real proud of our boys," said CoachManni Aka amidst groans from reporters, who have gotten sick of that phrase, as they have heard it for the past two weeks while covering the Baptism of Fire, and now the World Cup. "They got in there, and they took charge. They showed Hiiraan who's boss. Which is suprising, because Hiiraan's a tough team. We'll see on the away leg how good we really are, because it's a lot harder on someone else's turf. Our 3-5-2 formation is really working out for us. WOOHOO! Tomorrow, we plan to practice for 12 hours, then jet-set to the matches of our opponents we haven't faced so we can study our opponents."

Leaderboard:
Goals
2 Chadd Johnson
1 Rudy Johnson
1 Jonny Lampshade
Assists
3 Shafur
1 Perknowleski


And now, we premiere a new feature: "POINT/COUNTERPOINT"

Question: "Was the streaker an advantage for the Kazoos?"

POINT:
Kazoo Coach Manni Aka:
"Yeah, it was. We didn't
hire the guy, but he did
come at a crucial time,
for us, and the Hiiraanese.
We were looking bad out
there, and as it so
happens, it kinda helped
us out."

COUNTERPOINT
Hiiraanese Coach Mohamed Luure:
"Yes, it did! I was disappointed
with the unsportsmanlike conduct
of the Kazoo fans. It disrupted our
rhythm, and angered our fans who
were in attendance, as well as our
players. We have settled our
differences with the Schiavonian
government and their newspapers,
and people need to realize that."

Um, that was supposed to go differently... you see, they were supposed to disagree. Hm. Um... we'll get back to you on that.

Region 6 Pts W D L GF:GA GD
1. Turori 5 1 2 0 8:4 4
2. Casari 5 1 2 0 3:2 1
---------------------------------------------
3. Yafor 2 4 1 1 0 3:2 1
The Kazoo Peoples 4 1 1 1 4:3 1
5. Hiiraan 3 1 0 1 2:3 -1
6. Swilatia 2 0 2 1 5:6 -1
7. Rolatia 0 0 0 2 0:5 -5

Kazoos have advanced into a tie for 3rd place. They do not play tomorrow.

Qualifying Schedule (UPDATED THROUGH MD3)

Matchday 1:

HOME AWAY
Turori 4:0 Rolatia
Casari 1:0 The Kazoo Peoples
Yafor 2 2:1 Swilatia

Hiiraan does not play

Matchday 2:

HOME AWAY
The Kazoo Peoples 1:1 Turori
Swilatia 1:1 Casari
Hiiraan 1:0 Rolatia

Yafor 2 does not play

Matchday 3:

HOME AWAY
Turori 3:3 Swilatia
Casari 1:1 Yafor 2
The Kazoo Peoples 3:1 Hiiraan

Rolatia does not play

Matchday 4:

HOME AWAY
Casari v Turori
Hiiraan v Yafor 2
Rolatia v Swilatia

The Kazoo Peoples does not play

Matchday 5:

HOME AWAY
Hiiraan v Turori
Rolatia v Casari
The Kazoo Peoples v Yafor 2

Swilatia does not play

Matchday 6:

HOME AWAY
Turori v Yafor 2
Swilatia v Hiiraan
The Kazoo Peoples v Rolatia

Casari does not play

Matchday 7:

HOME AWAY
Casari v Hiiraan
Yafor 2 v Rolatia
Swilatia v The Kazoo Peoples

Turori does not play

Matchday 8:

AWAY HOME
Turori v Rolatia
Casari v The Kazoo Peoples
Yafor 2 v Swilatia

Hiiraan does not play

Matchday 9:

AWAY HOME
The Kazoo Peoples v Turori
Swilatia v Casari
Hiiraan v Rolatia

Yafor 2 does not play

Matchday 10:

AWAY HOME
Turori v Swilatia
Casari v Yafor 2
The Kazoo Peoples v Hiiraan

Rolatia does not play

Matchday 11:

AWAY HOME
Casari v Turori
Hiiraan v Yafor 2
Rolatia v Swilatia

The Kazoo Peoples does not play

Matchday 12:

AWAY HOME
Hiiraan v Turori
Rolatia v Casari
The Kazoo Peoples v Yafor 2

Swilatia does not play

Matchday 13:

AWAY HOME
Turori v Yafor 2
Swilatia v Hiiraan
The Kazoo Peoples v Rolatia

Casari does not play

Matchday 14:

AWAY HOME
Casari v Hiiraan
Yafor 2 v Rolatia
Swilatia v The Kazoo Peoples

Turori does not play

Kazoos progress in WC26

MD1: loss to Casari 1-0, away
MD2: draw with Turori 1-1, home
MD3: win with Hiiraan 3-1, home
MD4: OFF
MD5: Yafor 2, home
MD6: Rolatia, home
MD7: Swilatia, away
MD8: Casari, home
MD9: Turori, away
MD10: Hiiraan, away
MD11: OFF
MD12: Yafor 2, away
MD13: Rolatia, away
MD14: Swilatia, home

http://i16.photobucket.com/albums/b20/Casari/4sport.png

Another 1-1 tie, this time at home
Coach Hill accuses team of "stalling out" over increasing scoring problems

A long, drawn out battle in the Granite-and-Marble confines of Casaran National saw the weather hold out just a little too long to help the Confed side, who only managed a tie with the Group #3, Yafor 2, in a match that could have put the Casarans 2 points clear with Turori coming to town.

The on-pitch action was minimalistic, with heavy defense ruling the day as the ball danced around the center of the pitch. Casari's only goal came in the second half, when a successful string of passes opened a shooting chance for Mike Newberry, which he was able to convert for Casari's only goal.

"We can't make any firking progress offensively." Coach Hill said to the press. "Our ineptness in the front is going to come back and bite us against Turori. to have a chance, we need to take home points to have a chance to avoid any final matchday prayer results."

The fans' optimism has dwindled of late, as the Casaran's dwindling offensive capabilities are proving to be their downfall. "I don't see why we can't score. We never had this problem before. Come on Ronalo, Find the firking net!" The sentiment of "find the firking net" was common among most bars and pubs loyal to the national team. However, as much as people want the offense to improve, the defense has been remarkably successful, with Jared LeMurry anchoring the defense at the Half-back position of Coach Hill's Unique 3-1-2-1-3 formation, in which Casari has found most of it's success.

Font discussions expand to include the quite tasteful Eurostyle used in the CasariTV Logo
Research into font-related topics occuring now

The ongoing discussion on fonts continues, when a group of Progressian Game Show fanatics complimented CasariTV on the use of their rather stylish Eurostyle Font.

"Not only is it a great font, but Deal or No Deal is a spectacular game show. It's the only one you could be moderately successful at while totally wasted." A fan on the street said to reporters.

David Senar, Professor of Font Sciences at Jonathan University, said this on a telephone interview earlier. "We should just thank god that noone is using Comic Sans. Last time that happened, we had to hospitalize twenty."

Chi Sun-Times-Tribune-Domestic-International-Star-News-Today

Sports Section

Milchama get upset over Jeruselem

Apparently the coach was the problem for the Warriors. As a new coach, Jaime Smith from the Weegies, brought victory to Milchama today as they defeated the Jeruselem Crusaders 2-1. Coach Smith said, "That was a good result. We had some dissapointments in that first game but that was made up for in this second game. We did not come here expecting to get the full 3 points but coming away with the three points was a big deal" Now onto the match report:

The game started well for the Warriors who with a traveling of over 5000 felt vaguely at home in Jeruselem. The other that made the Milchamians feel at home was amount of Jews in the stadium as the majority of people in Jeruselem are also Jews (correct?). This allowed the Warriors to get off to a good start as Kilinin and Flinters worked well in the midfield to push the ball up to Faren and Copperlee. Their crosses were not working well but they were at least creating pressure and soon the pressure payed off. In the 21st minute the scoring was opened as a cross by Faren found Spot Nielson almost unmarked in the box. Nielson, made good use of his header and found the back of the net to make it 1-0 Milchama. The goal was like a wake up call to Jeruselem as they were soon attacking. Harry Kool and Massid Mawad, were particularly effective playing some good give and go with each other. Luckily for the Milchamians, Silas Milckey was at his best as he seemed to all over the defensive pitch stopping everyball that came close to the box. The best Jeruselem chance of the first half came at the 43 minute mark as a corner by Robert Howard came in and was hit spot on by Harry Kool to the top of the net. His header though was spectacularly saved by Clay Finton. The score at halftime was Milchama 1-0 Jeruselem.

Second Half:
The second half started off very well for the Crusaders and they almost had a goal in the 48th minute as some sloppy defending by Kendric Pevington allowed Massid Mawad to slip thru the defense. His shot though was stopped brilliantly by Finton, who established himself as the Warriors number 1 keeper today. Jeruselem continued to dominate play for the next 25 minutes, but almost reminiscent of AOCAF, the Milchamian defense stepped up and played wonderfully stopping the Jeruselem until Darian Flinters finally broke the ball thru the Crusaders line. Flinters found Antoine Sanchez in the middle and the Sanchez thru ball latched onto Dunston Copperlee who beat his defender before shooting a Steven Gerrard like shot into the top corner of the net to make it 2-0 Warriors. After the second goal, Kyoga Marcazumi came on and striker J.J. Faren was taken out. This bolstering of the defense however seemed to have the opposite and some miscommunication between Marcazumi and Pevington led to Harry Kool being unmarked from a corner kick in the 81st minute. Kool, cooly headed the ball into the net and made it 2-1 Milchama. From there, the Warriors played possesion ball and stopped the Crusaders from scoring again.
Final Score:
Milchama 2 (Nielson 21, Copperlee 72)
Jeruselem 1 (Kool 81)

Three matches, three wins. Vikings open strong in qualifiers

Fmjphoenix 2 Tanah Burung 0

Mike Nolan took off right where he left of in World Cup 25, socirng lots of goals. With two first half strikes, Nolan lead Fmjphoenix over Tanah Burung 2-0 in the opening match to the World Cup 26 qualifications. The clean sheet was the 27th career clean sheet for Powell Lamar on the national team. What was the interesting thing was how the Viking defense stepped up and shut down Tanah Burung in the second half. With consistant pressure the entire second half, Tanah Burung could only manage to take one shot against Lamar, one that was easily dispatched away. It was a solid all around effort for the Vikings, and a good sign of things to come.

The Ardenne 1 Fmjphoenix 2

Match two saw Mike Nolan again drop the hammer down and wipe away a suprise first hafl goal by The Ardenne as the Vikings came back and won 2-1 over the suprising challenge of The Ardenne. Kayla Mik'ala showed off her excellent ability all afternoon, keeping extreme pressure on The Ardenne's strikers, not allowing a sing pass to go uncontested. She alone caused 18 loose balls, 13 of which were recovered by the Vikings. Again it was a solid effort by the Vikings defense that keep Fmjphoenix up and over The Ardenne.

Fmjphoenix 3 Da WhoseLine People 2

Mike Nolan continued his torrid scoring pace and proved that age does not factor into anything as he notched his 21st career hattrick for the Vikings, providing all the offense the Vikings needed to stay ahead of Da WhoseLine People 3-2 to keep perfect in qualifying through 3 matches and on top of Group 14. Much to the suprise of everyone in Fmjphoenix and millions all over the world, the Vikings captian is looking to be in his best for that he has ever been. He is moving with an unworldly-like speed that noone in Fmjphoenix has ever seen move. His quickness is leaving defender stunned in his wake. When asked about his achievements, he seemed more interested about the Vikings 3 wins than his 7 goals.

"Scoring those seven goals in the first three games is pretty fun. I love to put the ball in the net, its my job. But whats even better is that those seven goals has given up three wins in three matches. That is what we need. This is our first top seed in our group and we do not want to disappoint our fans. This is our time, and we are bringing it all out on the table."

Next up for the Vikings is a trip accros the region to face Bettia. The Bettians are sitting in second place with two wins and an opening day draw against The Ardenne. Despite heading to a stong opponents home arena, Coach Wash feels good about his teams confidence going into this match.

"Everyone here is pumped up for every match coming up. Not only that, all the guys are ready to give it their all and try to accomplish what we have not been able to do yet, qualify first in our group. This is our best chance, and we have to give it our all every match. Its still early, but we want to make a statement now that we want it all."

Fmjphoenix Vikings World Cup 26 Qualification
MD01: Fmjphoenix vs Tanah Burung 2-0
MD02: Fmjphoenix @ The Ardenne 2-1
MD03: Fmjphoenix vs Da WhoseLine People 3-2
MD04: Fmjphoenix @ Bettia ?-?
MD05: Fmjphoenix @ Basicota ?-?
MD06: Fmjphoenix vs Praying2God ?-?
MD07: Fmjphoenix -=BYE=-
MD08: Fmjphoenix @ Tanah Burung ?-?
MD09: Fmjphoenix vs The Ardenne ?-?
MD10: Fmjphoenix @ Da WhoseLine People ?-?
MD11: Fmjphoenix vs Bettia ?-?
MD12: Fmjphoenix vs Basicota ?-?
MD13: Fmjphoenix @ Praying2God ?-?
MD14: Fmjphoenix -=BYE=-

Two More Losses As Expected

This is Kellan Kildan of the ASMV Football News Network

The brutal beginning to this WC is finally over. And as expected the Sea Dragons have exactly 0 points to show for it.

MD 2

Spruitland took command of this match and never looked back, cruising to an easy 3-1 victory. Once again the defense looked out of sync and the offense failed to produce enough points.

Coach Pao St Martinique had this to say - "Why dont you guys ask some questions that matter? Everyone new we came into this playing the top three sides in the first three matches. What did you expect? Us to win. We have a lot of inexperience learning at this level. Older guys are still adjusting to new positions. And we are facing much more seasoned competition. Add that all up. It doesnt make for a good start."

MD 3

What can we say. TnUI is the best squad in the group and perhaps the whole tournament. A 1-0 defeat merely serves as a moral victory from our standpoint. In all honesty it could have been much worse for this one, but the defense finally came together and played one hell of a match.

"We palyed well today" said keeper Shaun Conarky. "TnUI had to work for this win. Things are definately looking up!"

Next Up

Very Angry Rabbits. Now we should produce some points. This squad is unranked coming in and after our guys get over the fact that 6' rabbits play football, we should do very well in this one. The hope is to win the next three against the teams we should beat and try to steal a point or two in the next series against the big dogs of the group.

"Tha players what!" exclaimed Unami Banta-N'bai. "Big Rabbits! We play Rabbits! What this game coming to?"

Squornshelous Back on Track

Ogbadan Scores Two as the Pschychoes move to 1st place in Group 9
Mostafa Ogbadan had one of the best matches of his career, scoring both of the Pschychoes goals against formerly 2-0-0 Nanakaland, who were previously atop the group. Squornshelous takes over that spot with their win. Ogbadan's goals both came in the first half, with one right out of the gates in the 3rd minute, as Nanakaland was unable to adjust to the speed of the Squornshelan attack. Ogbadan recieved a pass and slipped between two defenders for an easy shot. Later in the half, he put a header past goalkeeper Viktor Czapp on a corner kick from Nesfield.
Nanakaland managed to pull within one when Anthony Johnson tapped in the rebound of a free kick by Thomas Baker.

Final Score:
Squornshelous 2-1 Nanakaland

Another Own Goal!
Episode 3: Groot Disappoints, Supporters Demand Laredo Return

We decided to cut the crap and go straight to the TV commentary for this one. The only difference from the previous episodes is that the couch is now empty, and the TV controller is lying forlorn on the floor.

“…they were outwitted, outplayed, outlasted by Cockbill Street, showing once again why they are ranked 11th in the world. But all is not lost for the Zucchinis, who lie in 4th place in the table despite playing all 3 of the seeds above them. Also, they can take comfort from the fact that they are first team to score against Cockbill Street in this qualifying campaign, and the road looks much smoother for them for the rest of the first half of qualifying. We bring you now to Mr. James Gorton, manager of the Zucchinis, in the dugouts now.”

“Well, I can’t fault the boys today; they did well but were outclassed by a better team. The good thing is that the difficult games are over, and now we can start focusing on games we have a good chance of winning. However, it will be a big mistake if we think we have all the points in the bag before we’ve even played them. We’ll be taking each game as it comes and try to play up to the level we’ve been playing the past few games, and I think we’ve got a good chance of doing well this campaign. But we must not lose the steam we’ve been building.”

To be continued…


Giant Zucchini’s Department of Number Crunching and Data Spewing presents:

Match stats:

Cockbill Street – 5
(10), (27, 65), (59, 77)

Giant Zucchini – 1
Rilke (72)

Yellow Cards:
Cockbill Street player (9)


Giant Zucchini stats:

Top Goalscorers:
Johann Rilke – 3
Absamat Chekhov – 1
Armand Boyer - 1

Yellow Cards:
Dino Nuvolari – 1
Domingo Ferrero - 1

Red Cards:
Mikhail Glinka – 1

"There is no controversy. We're not going to either communicate or compromise with Hell - I have no idea what Satan is suggesting as an alternative because all of us in the Archregimancy have cast him out from our lives. We're turning up in Ariddia to play the matches on the date and location specified. The only way this course of action can be changed is through direct intervention by Commerce Heights and Oliverry who - as tournament organisers - can specify an alternative neutral venue. Otherwise, we'll be playing in Ariddia, and if Satan's lot don't turn up, they forfeit. End of story"

OC: sorry for twisting this

The Archregimancy Snub Cuation

Governing Issues of Today

In the top ranks of the Cuation government, there is a lot of concern about the refusal by the priests to not even consider Cuation's offer despite the compromise offered by Ariddia and backed by Cuation. While the nation could accept if both teams wished to play in Ariddia's better grounds, that is not the case and ministers are wondering if Cuation has offended The Archregimancy in some way.

Inside Cuation, the news has been kept from the people in fear of hurt or trouble. The two teams are in the top five "other" teams Cuation fans like to watch and they live in hope to see the two teams clash in the islands of Cuation. Unless a better reason can be thought of for The Archregimancy's refusal, as the government does not believe the excuse given, there will be tears.

The Enlightener: talking in a language I don't speak
http://i6.photobucket.com/albums/y231/bettia/FAB.jpg

Our Prayers Are Answered

Bettia 2 (Hutton 85, Hunter 86)
Praying2God 0
(Stamping Ground, Lorshill - attendance 75,000

Bettia claimed another three points in tonight's match here in Lorshill - but it took a late late show from Hutton and Hunter to finally see off a determined Praying2God side.

It took a while for both teams to get into their stride with the Warriors setting their defensive stall out from the off, but Praying2God had the first chance of the day in the 26th minute when Thomas Larson headed inches wide from an inswinging cross form the right wing. Judson York almost replied immediately as he latched onto the resulting goal kick and raced clear of the defence only for his effort to be well-smothered by goalkeeper Sarah Larson.

The second half was one of pure attacking football, with the Takilan Aroras having the majority of the possession. A pinpoint 58th minute pass from Connick found Hunter in space just outside the area, who laid the ball off to York as he raced in from the left flank. His narrow-angle shot was parried by Sarah Larson and in the resultant goalmouth melee, the ball was somehow scrambled clear despite Chris Hutton's best efforts.

Roared on by a capacity crowd, Bettia continued coming forward in droves, but the Praying2God defence held firm as they tried desperately to come away from Lorshill with a draw, but the Aroras' constant pressure eventually paid dividends.

A speculative long-range effort from Evan Brooks was tipped over the bar, and he found Ieuan Swain with a short-corner routine. Spotting Chris Hutton lurking more-or-less unmarked near the penalty spot, he cut the ball back to the Vilata-based striker who was more than happy to blast the ball home through a crowd of players, much to the delight of the home fans who erupted into a cacophony of noise.

Praying2God were obviously shell-shocked by this and Bettia were quick to capatalise. Judson York somehow nicked the ball straight from the kick-off and burst through the almost-static defence. Sarah Larson did well to force the Pylo Reavers striker into an impossibly tight shooting angle, but York had the prescence of mind to square the ball to Latif Hunter, who poked the ball home from close range.

Bettia's next opponents in the second part of their home double-header are the higly-rated Fmjphoenix, who will be hoping they fare better on this trip to the Blessed Realm than in AOCAF XI where they finished second from bottom in their first round group.

Bettia manager Laxhu Takil told The Enlightener "Obviously this will be a difficult game for us - they (Fmjphoenix) are one of the best teams in the world, and you don't get to be one of the best teams in the world by being shite. We'll have to keep things very tight at the back - we've only conceded one goal so far and that's great, but I feel we may have to kerb our attacking tendancies a lot more than we've been doing so far to grind out a result here."

The latest round of results sees Fmjphoenix and Bettia already opening something of a gap between the themselves and the chasing teams. The Vikings sit on top with three wins out of three, with Bettia on seven points. Three points further back, The Ardenne are third after easily dispatching fellow newcomers Basicota.


FIXTURES / RESULTS

MD01: .............Bettia 0-0 The Ardenne (Shubunkin Park, Akani Sands)
MD02: Da Whoseline People 1-3 Bettia
MD03: .............Bettia 2-0 Praying2God (The Stamping Ground, Lorshill)
MD04: .............Bettia vs. Fmjphoenix (Stadiwm Bettia, Gabalfa)
MD05: .......Tanah Burung vs. Bettia
MD06: ....................BYE
MD07: .............Bettia vs. Basicota (Al-Fath Stadium, Sukatra)
MD08: ........The Ardenne vs. Bettia
MD09: .............Bettia vs. Da Whoseline People (Campus Ground, Grappenhall)
MD10: ........Praying2God vs. Bettia
MD11: .........Fmjphoenix vs. Bettia
MD12: .............Bettia vs. Tanah Burung (Stadiwm Bettia, Gabalfa)
MD13: ....................BYE
MD14: ...........Basicota vs. Bettia


LATEST TABLE
Region 14 Pts W D L GF:GA GD
1. Fmjphoenix 9 3 0 0 7:3 4
2. Bettia 7 2 1 0 5:1 4
3. The Ardenne 4 1 1 1 5:2 3
4. Praying2God 3 1 0 1 3:3 0
5. Tanah Burung 1 0 1 1 1:3 -2
6. Basicota 1 0 1 1 1:5 -4
7. Da WhoseLine People 0 0 0 3 4:9 -5


GROUP 14 FORM GUIDE
W = Win D = Draw L = Loss - = Bye
UPPERCASE denotes home fixtures, lowercase denotes away fixtures.

MATCHDAY 01 02 03 04 05 06 07 08 09 10 11 12 13 14
-----------------------------------------------------------------
Basicota - d l
BETTIA D w W
Da Whoseline People l L l
Fmjphoenix W w W
Praying2God W - l
Tanah Burung d l -
The Ardenne d L W

Cataduanes gears up for historical match

The Island nation of Cataduanes is gearing up for the first ever world cup match on the island in the nations history, despite a vibrant domestic scene the nation had never formally applied to any of the major tournaments until now. The run of two losses away including a 4-0 mauling at the hands of Group favourites, Bedistan, have failed to stem the enthuasism of the fans or the governement for that matter and the historical event will also be watched by millions across the UNFR region.
The opposition, PopularFreedom, had also suffered a mauling at the hands of Bedistan on matchday 3 and Coach Manua has expressed his hope that the team can get a win ''we desperately need to pick up some points'' beamed Coach Manua and he is not wrong with the 'Seleccion' propping up the group with a -5 goal difference. The team look set to retain the starting eleven that have figured in the two away fixtures.

More than acceptable

With the draw in Artoonia in the back of their heads the Tigers returned to Dushanbe, preparing for a most interesting clash with Rordia, the team that managed to push aside Milchama and that gave the Tadjiks trouble in an earlier World Cup Qualification. This time however, the Tigers were ready.

Realizing it wouldnt come easy the Tadjiks kept the backddors closed during the first half by adding Krivoshein, a defensive midfielder to the starting eleven in Mirdans place. It was a good choice, especially when you have a couple of good strikers you can depend on.

One of those is Oleg Salenko, who has already risen to the staus of star in Tadjikistan. He gave the fans what they came for, a good show, finished with a goal. Struggling a bit with the Rordian defenders, he managed to outwit them with the help of Michael Pliiev, his 'comrade in crime'(figuratively speaking) and scored Tadjikistans first goal of the match. These two would create more danger on the Rordian side in the first half, but outnumbered as they were, they could not end the match yet.

The Sadirovs realized that they had been to defensive in their thinking and brought the young Zyrianov in the team in Krivosheins place and gave the players the order to bring an end to the battle.
Unfortunatly, Rordia was now doing the same and taking advantage of a weaker Tadjik rear. Seven minutes into the second half the Rordians equalized as a result of their tactics. But the Sadirovs remained calm and when asked, simply refused to replace anyone.

It was a calculated risk, which the Sadirovs believed they had to take. They relied on the veterans in the team to bring order to the chaos and organize the counteroffensive and it was Michael Pliiev who led it. Slowly the situation turned in Tadjikistans favor as Pliiev & co began targetting the Rordian box. A first shot by Salenko was stopped by a Rordian defender but Saradovs rebound from the other side found its way past the goalkeeper.
The Tadjiks had tasted blood and wanted more, moving up again and almost besieging the Rordian goal. In fact, Rordia did break out at times but failed to take full advantage.
The Tadjiks put an end to the match when they got a penalty for a tackle on Zuhurov who took it himself and put the final score on the scoreboard: 3-1.

It was a though match for the Tadjiks but they knew that and acted accordingly. The Sadirovs brothers received positive as well as negative comment on the way they handled it. Though it is unlikely that they will care about the critics, they've already proven in the past that they know more of football than most journalists. The only thing Rezvon and Bahrom care about right now is the preparation for the next match in and against Jeruselem.
Jeruselem, the other opponent at the top of group 15, lost its second match in Milchama and will be looking for a win on Matchday 4 where they can rely on their own fans.


Region 15 Pts W D L GF:GA GD
1. Tadjikistan 7 2 1 0 7:2 5
2. Jeruselem 6 2 0 1 10:5 5
3. Rordia 3 1 0 2 9:10 -1
Race City 3 1 0 1 3:4 -1
McPsychoville 3 1 0 1 3:4 -1
6. Milchama 3 1 0 1 5:7 -2
7. Artoonia 1 0 1 2 3:8 -5

Fixtures:
MD1: Tadjikistan - Race City W 3-0
MD2: Artoonia - Tadjikistan D 1-1
MD3: Tadjikistan - Rordia W 3-1
MD4: Jeruselem - Tadjikistan
MD5: McPsychoville - Tadjikistan
MD6: Tadjikistan - Milchama
MD7: /
MD8: Race City - Tadjikistan
MD9: Tadjikistan - Artoonia
MD10:Rordia - Tadjikistan
MD11:Tadjikistan - Jeruselem
MD12:Tadjikistan - McPsychoville
MD13:Milchama - Tadjikistan
MD14:/

Tadjik goalscorers:
Salenko - 2
Saradov - 2
Zuhurov - 2
Ashurov - 1

No apologies: Stars stay unbeaten

Surprisingly in this early stage of World Cup XXVI qualifying, the match between the Sarzonian national team and Apologetic Kittens turned into a battle for first place in Group 1. Even though Apologetic Kittens finished the Baptism of Fire Cup in third place, they came into the match ranked in the triple digits against the world’s number one ranked team.

The result was predictable. Sarzonia parlayed goals by Jenna Raven and Mike Coyle and four saves by goalkeeper Horace Sandt into a 2-0 win that kept the Stars alone in first place in the group despite a hard-fought effort by Apologetic Kittens.

“We need to establish ourselves playing our brand of football,” Coach Barry Owens said. “There’s still a lot of things we need to work on to get better in this qualifying period, but we’re going to use every opportunity we can to get better.”

The Stars (3-0-0, nine points) didn’t play their sharpest football, but for long stretches against Apologetic Kittens, that didn’t matter. Sarzonia controlled possession, holding the ball in their offensive end of the pitch for 52 minutes to 38 minutes for Apologetic Kittens. They out shot the Kitties 17 to 14, with seven shots on goal to four and eight corners to six. But the Stars were uncharacteristically sluggish coming off a flat 2-1 win.

“We’re going to have to pick things up, preferably before we start our derby with EL CID THE HERO,” Owens said. “We can not continue to play as poorly as we have the last two games if we expect to do anything this Cup.” For his part, Owens said he would consider “all options” for the team’s bye during Matchday Seven.

“It depends. If we’re playing the way we are now, we’re going to have to get together as a team and figure out how to get ourselves out of this mess. If we’re tired, we’re going to try to rest our lads.”

For their part, the Stars are looking to their next match and are hoping to take some “lessons” from the Apologetic Kittens. For their part, the Stars say they came away from the match with newfound respect for the Kittens.

“They gave it all they had. They played better football than we did,” Sandt said.

Overheard in a sports bar in a Tikira suburb:

PATRON 1: “GOOOOOOAAALLLLL! Glory to Allah! We lead!”

PATRON 2: “We lead?”

PATRON 1: “Yes!”

PATRON 2: “How much time?”

PATRON 1: “Sixty third minute.”

PATRON 2: “Praise Allah!”

The match continues for a few tense moments as both teams waste opportunities to score goals. A patron walking outside could hear the screams and groans from two metres in front of the entrance to the bar.

ANNOUNCER: “And there’s the final whistle! Majeristan win their first-ever World Cup match by a score of one to nil!

“Praise Allah! All hail the Holy Republic!”

PATRON 1: “Glory to Allah! We win!

Much back-slapping ensued as the standings flashed the news that the nascent Falcons were only one point out of World Cup qualification position going into their bye in Group 12, even though the announcers warned it was early. It may be too early to call this World Cup a success, but in the eyes of a victory-starved people, it’s never too early to celebrate.

3 Games, 9 Points, 0 Conceeded
Starblaydia turning Karela? Not a chance

With Starblaydia not conceeding a goal for three Qualifying games so far, some wags are wondering just what Khim Azanulbizarn has been doing right with this team. This reporter can't even remember the last time Starblaydia kept three clean sheets in a row, no matter what the opposition.

Maybe variety is the key to Starblaydi fortunes. Azanulbizarn has used three different 'keepers in the three different matches. The defence has had no members ever-present throughout the three matches, and the only person to have played in all three matches at some point has been the superb young midfielder Paul Noble.

Veteran Giovanni Lopez opened the scoring in yesterday's match against the Macabees, with a screamer of a half-volley from inside the penalty area. With an excellent diagonal ball that split the Goldie-White defence in two, Gio sneaked in as the ball bounced high and blasted the ball past the keeper. Cue the Starblaydi part of the 85,000 fan present to go crazy.

Fans of the Golden Throne who had travelled to Northern Starblaydia for this match-up shouldn't have needed any incentive to be up for this match, what with playing in Atlantian Oceania at the home of the World Champions. The Macabee fans, however, knew that they could finish the day bottom of Group 7 with a defeat.

It was Starblaydia's other main striker who sealed that defeat for The Macabees, as Raphaelo turned brilliantly past a Golden Throne defender to put himself clear in the box to slot in the bottom-right corner past the disparing 'keeper.

Starblaydia go marching on, though with a defence that is Karela-like in its concession rate - 270 minutes, 0 goals conceeded - there'll be a stern challenge for whichever New Montreal Surrender Monkeys team decides to turn up.

Final Score from Iota Arena, Penningworth:
Starblaydia 2 - 0 The Macabees
(G. Lopez 8, Raphaelo 71) - (None)

Chicanada Daily Rabbler

Kodiaks Pay Attention, Take a Tie to Vilita

Group 5 could be fun for the Kodiaks if they keep this up.

Under Southampton coach Clint Dempsey (his last run, apparently), the Chicanadan National Side snatched a point against mighty Vilita away today in a game that could affect the rest of the tourney for the side.

Led by Rangers star Ugan Overin, Astur City's Olani Pjan and newly bought Depot keeper Raslan Sergen, the Kodiaks staved off a furious 20 minutes at the end of the game to hold on to their 2-all tie. The Kodiaks never led, but battled back with a 1-all tie in the 30th minute and back to 2-all at the start of the second half.

Dempsey was thrilled with the result, comming after a break as the Kodiaks start a long 4-game road stretch which will see them run against newcommers Hoolabaloola and Gruenberg before facing off against group favorite Crystilakere.

Ranked #41, the Kodiaks are considere to be a contender to be one of the top 2 to qualify to the Finals for a change, provided they get needed points against Crystilakere and Vilita while avoiding the ugly losses that ruined the teams chances in World Cup 24 and 25 Qualifying (we all remember the seven game loosing streak that plagued the nation during 24, right).

The Kodiak qualifying schedule will be as follows:
Matchday 1: v Euroslavia (W 2-1) (@ Stadia Lis, Acadia)
Matchday 2: off day
Matchday 3: @ Vilita (T 2-2)
Matchday 4: @ Hoolabaloola
Matchday 5: @ Gruenberg
Matchday 6: @ Crystilakere
Matchday 7: v North Fenris (@ Governess Palace, Colombo)
Matchday 8: @ Euroslavia
Matchday 9: off day
Matchday10: v Vilita (@ Depot Centre, Cana)
Matchday11: v Hoolabaloola (@ City Grounds Stadia, Southampton)
Matchday12: v Gruenberg (@ TroutCo Field, Cana)
Matchday13: v Crystilakere (@ Southampton National Square)
Matchday14: @ North Fenris

thsd:NEWS

Whaam, Baam, Thaank You Spaam
by Rami Niblick in Bromham

SO much for the tight game. Spaam were, if you'll pardon the pun, completely canned in this rather one-sided match; the four-two scoreline flatters the visitors.

Krytenia were in the goals right from the off. It took all of seventeen seconds for the home side to go into the lead, Kennedy and Keda connecting well and providing Robin Spivey with an easy opener. Kennedy added one of his own before thirty minutes, before Cameron Stevenson added a third from a corner.

Spaam still looked poor in the second half, and just before the hour it was four as Keda added a fine strike from the corner of the box. Two late goals gave Spaam a modicum of pride as the Aces sat back, but the result was never in doubt.

Hockey Canada are next, and an intriguing matchup as James Barcali faces his new teammate, North Pole United star Yanic Perrault. See you there!

KRYTENIA - 4
Spivey 1
Kennedy 28
Stevenson 37
Keda 59

SPAAM - 2
Godd 81
Modd 87

Orange-Blue Watch: Matchday III
by Bill Tulos in Rejistania

MEANWHILE, in the world of Karela, the Orange-Blues are still to concede under Seletao. This time, a more catenaccio style of play did the trick against Kudlastan, and keeps up the former Avidia City manager's 100% record.

SCORERS
G. Kennedy - 4
R. Spivey - 3
K. Keda - 2
C. Blannix - 1
A. Pedroso - 1
C. Stevenson - 1

SCHEDULE:
MD1: H v FBR W 6-0 (Isserson Stadium, Everton City, EC)
MD2: A v NVO W 2-1
MD3: H v SPA W 4-2 (Mercia Stadium, Bromham, CP)
MD4: A v HCN ?????
MD5: A v FSX ?????
MD6: H v WEE ????? (Isserson Stadium, Everton City, EC)
MD7: BYE - NO GAME
MD8: A v FBR ?????
MD9: H v NVO ????? (Lays Road Ground, Leston, LS)
MD10: A v SPA ?????
MD11: H v HCN ????? (Isserson Stadium, Everton City, EC)
MD12: H v FSX ????? (Walton Gardens, Simpson, OU)
MD13: A v WEE ?????
MD14: BYE - NO GAME

RORDIA MANAGER IMPRESSED

Rordia manager Neil van der Wal is impressed with his side's start to the World Cup qualifying campaign.
Their first match was a 6-3 thrashing of Milichama, with Tim Brick scoring a hat-trick and debutant Kim Coblem netting twice. They then lost 4-2 to Jerusalem and 3-1 to Tadjikistan, but their pride is definitely intact.
Van der Wal said: "We have surprised ourselves with this start. In our first three matches, we have got three points and are in a good position to finish in the top half of Group 15.
"Tim Brick has five goals so far this campaign, and he is without a doubt our best player. What's even better is that he's still young and his best years are way ahead of him. He has the potential to become one of the best players in the world."

BREAKING NEWS!
Rordia's preparations for their next World Cup match have been dealt a cruel blow. Midfielder Ciaran Mirren and right-back Nat Peters both tore their cruciate ligaments in training today and are likely to be out until the later rounds of the qualifiers.

Parid Daily-News-Subjagation-Update-Dispatch-Express-Telegram

Sports Section

2 games 4 points 7 goals by Misterson

The Collonie Flying Eagles have gotten off to a flying start in World Cup qualification. The Eagles have done so well that they are actually doing better than their former masters Milchama. Coach Natan Schlomit said, We knew everything was going to revolve around Misterson, but we did not know he was going to be scoring every single goal. The guy is amazing..." He went on talking about Misterson for 10 more minutes and then left. Now onto the match report(s):

Wentland:
The game did not start off well for the Flying Eagles who definitely looked to have the first game jitters. Only 5 minutes in did the scoring start as a cross by Will James find Francis Treves and Treves made no mistake with the header putting past the goalie to make it 1-0 Wentland. Ten minutes later Treves struck again. This time on a free kick from right outside the box, he hit a lazer beam that didn't give Floyd Chooler a chance. It was 2-0 Wentland. Before half time though the Eagles pulled one back as a thru ball by Quentin Myler saw Clyde Misterson past the defence and home for the goal. 2-1 at halftime. The second half saw a 48th minute goal from Fletcher made the game a 3-1 affair. Then things got ugly as Paris Klesterfeud got Gus Jenkins into a fight. The ref did not see Klesterfeud's punch but he did see Jenkins' and he gave him the red card to give Collonie the man advantage. They used it well as Clyde Misterson scored two more goals to make it a 3-3 draw.
Final Score:
Wentland 3 (Treves 5, 15 Fletcher 48)
Collonie 3 (Misterson 40, 78, 85)

Bazalonia:
The first win ever for Collonie as they came out storming the gates and finished, storming the gates. The first goal though was a Bazalonian one as Irchov Michael came storming thru the Collonian defense before shooting a high shot the Chooler could not stop to make it 1-0 Bazalonia. The glee was short lived for the Bazalopes however as only 6 minutes later the game was tied when Bobby Connon found Clyde Misterson who headed the ball in from distance to make it a 1-1 tie. That 1-1 soon became 2-1 as the Flying Eagle attack became relentless. Connon and Myler were playing great in midfield and one of their balls found Misterson onside all alone in the box. Misterson doesn't miss from there and it was 2-1 Collonie. The Flying Eagles would have one more before the break as a corner kick by Bobby Connon found Kate Windsor unmarked and she headed the ball to Misterson who headed it in to make it 3-1 Collonie at the break. After the break Collonie would get two more one from Misterson in the 62nd and one from Windsor in the 83rd to finish the game winning 5-1.
Final Score:
Bazalonia 1 (Michael 7)
Collonie 5 (Misterson 15, 25, 39, 62, Windsor 83)

Cuation recover to pull off 4-1 Win!

Cuation Mouse Empire

Our Cuation boys travelled to Kaze Progressa in thier new away kits and fully refreshed after thier bye. Kaze Progressa had just sacked the manager after two the two defeats and they set out in a 3-2-4-1 formation that confused Cuation, it had not been the line up they had expected.

With the players unable to work out who to mark, Cuation struggled and in the 9th minute Roy Ferguson barged over Bytor and conceded a freekick. When the ball was hit into the box, Gary Jens came over it but flapped at the set peice, giving Nonbi OLOG an easy finish.

Jude remanstrated with his team from the touchline and reorgnised the defensive side of the time and soon Cuation had the upper hand. Kaze Progressa where unable to create many chances but inspired by the goal and the manager situation, stopped Cuation from creating anything in the first half but a Ashton freekick that flew well over.

In the second half, Cuation looked to use the flanks to try and avoid the crowding in the middle. In the 50th minute Giovanni escaped from his marker and tried to curl the ball into the net with a rising shot but Hetujuk tipped the ball onto the post and with Peter lurking, the ball was only cleared to Timothy Ashton whose thumping shot crashed in off the bar to make it 1-1

Cuation started pressing for the lead bvut the balls into the box was constantly claimed by Hetujuk or cleared by the defence. It took till the 65th minute for another goal, Philip Cole hitting in an early cross which was met at the far post by Heskey Anderton who had snuck in unmarked. It took just a little touch and the ball was over the line and Cuation in front.

Jude made some changes, dragging off Roy Ferguson for Stevie Milnar and moving Heskey up front in a 4-4-2 formation. This had an almost instant effect, Milnar taking on his marker and crossing it for Peter Tanner to head past the keeper in the 70th minute. 3-1!

More changes where made, Abel Robinson and Sol Major taken off for Rio Samba and Jamie Hargreves.

Cuation relaxed and allowed Kaze Progressa to come at them but Gary Jens was on form and denied them sevral times, the pick being when Olog got clear of Hargreves and shot it low but Gary Jens dived and managed to get a hand to it, pushing it around the post.

Giovanni was a constant threat today but could not get a goal but managed a 60 yard pass into the run of Stevie Milnar. Reciving the ball in the box, his first shot was saved well by Hetujuk but the ball fell back to Milnar and he put it away! 4-1 after 80 minutes

The game had turned into a rout but neither side was willing to let the score lie and the two keepers pulled off some great saves in the last two minutes, the best, in my view, by Hetujuk, pushing away Giovanni's chip from the edge of the box.

A great win for Cuation but Kaze Progressa will bounce back while Cuation have to face Alexandrian Ptolemais, an inexpirenced side with just a point but a game that Cuation tend to lose. If the Caticino's are to qualify, they have to win games like Alexandrian Ptolemais.

The Rejistanian coach Seletarakeledira Hanselijimijile is the new hope for the rejistanian national team. The Na~ovi National interviewed the seleken.

NN: Hejida, Han-seli-jimi-jile'he, is that the correct pronunciation?
SH: People say either that or pronounce it correctly. Hanse~nji~lji~n is the seleken way to pronounce it.
NN: How does your players call you?
SH: Meneh, that is majuvedian for 'general'. I do not mind being called like this, but I hate people abbreviating my name.
NN: like all seleke?
SH: Yes, it is a cultural thing... it is very impolite to use an abbreviated or changed form of the name in seleken.
NN: 3 games, 3 wins... are you satisfied?
SH: Not really. The last match was really, really horrible. I never saw a team change so much after the lead was taken. I realized this change before, but I am astonished and surprised how high the karelan impact here is. Against other teams, we might have conceded.
NN: People called you 'maniac' after the match...
SH: As long as we are succeeding, people can call me k~hojnahera, I don't care in the least! I tried everything to entice the players to show a bit Jesejilness. I know that one of the Kudla strikers said he didn't dare to attack due to 'that maniac on the other side, he might kill me if I scored', but that is his problem.
NN: You want to dekarelize the Rejistanian team?
SH: Not really, I only want to introduce a slightly improved attack. This is not a break with all karelan and pre-karelan traditions, just a slight variation.
NN: pre-karelan?
SH: I think in World Cup 10. after the match in Oglethorpia, the time of "'jisu jet'ta" (never lose highly) started. This was the first step towards karelanism.
NN: You think Imdila'he caused Karelaism?
SH: In a very indirect way. The "'jisu jet'ta" and the hanta-inikresaist way of thought formed an alliance, which influenced the culture of Rejistania very highly.
NN: How are your relations with Rej'he?
SH: Siki called me before Daran'he did and offered me advice. At that time I thought, that was a prank and so I was pretty rude. But now we get along well, his way of seeing a match as a series of equations is nothing I share however. He helped me analyzing the matches in high detail, but for preparation, I rely on intuition and the human mind instead of a weird computer-program.
NN: What are your plans for the qualification?
SH: To qualify! If this is done, there might be time, to try a bit uncommon things. But a lot of water will go down the Tasdajyi until that.
NN: reporters of our newspaper saw you last night with an attractive blond foreign woman... Care to give us information before we invent something?
SH: Invent something! I will not comment on these photos.

OOC: Jolt's back - woo-hoo!



The Archregimancy Snub Cuation

Governing Issues of Today

In the top ranks of the Cuation government, there is a lot of concern about the refusal by the priests to not even consider Cuation's offer despite the compromise offered by Ariddia and backed by Cuation. While the nation could accept if both teams wished to play in Ariddia's better grounds, that is not the case and ministers are wondering if Cuation has offended The Archregimancy in some way.

Inside Cuation, the news has been kept from the people in fear of hurt or trouble. The two teams are in the top five "other" teams Cuation fans like to watch and they live in hope to see the two teams clash in the islands of Cuation. Unless a better reason can be thought of for The Archregimancy's refusal, as the government does not believe the excuse given, there will be tears.

MONASTIC TIMES

HOLY SYNOD REFUSE CUATION OFFER
Senior Bishop Apologises for Inadvertent Offence Caused to 'Pawns of Satan'

By Fr. Nicholas the Scribe

The Holy Synod and Monastic Football Association today contacted the people of Cuation directly to turn down their offer to host at least one of the Archregimancy - Anathematic Republics qualifiers.

"It's nothing personal" said a senior archimandrite, speaking on condition of anonymity. "We're simply not going to compromise with Satan. If Commerce Heights or Oliverry order us to take the two-nation neutral host solution, then we'll bow to the hosts, but otherwise... It's Ariddia or nothing. Look, let's approach this from our perspective. Satan - the Enemy of God, the Prince of Darkness, the Father of Lies - is a most subtle enemy. Why does _he_ want us to play in Cuation? Where does Cuation fit into the Devil's plan? What influence might he have on the Cuation government? For all we know, the entire nation of Cuation might be inadvertently and unknowingly working for Lucifer."

Metropolitan Mark of the Grand Lavra, however, did offer a formal apology to the people of Cuation for any offence inadvertently caused by the Archregimancy's refusal to play in Cuation. "It's not just Cuation, you understand - we'd refuse to play in any nation nominated by Satan. Nonetheless, we apologise wholeheartedly to the God-fearing citizens of Cuation, who are suffering undeservedly for their government's role as unwitting pawns of Satan. And besides, I don't like to see grown men cry."

When asked what the Archregimancy might be doing to stop the spread of Anathematic Republics influence in Cuation, this reporter was told that representatives of SOFTEE (the Synodical Office for the Elimination of occult Evil) were said to be travelling throughout Cuation, distributing leaflets warning citizens how to defend themselves against the evil predations of were-manatees.

The night was chilly. Temperatures around freezing. Absolutely clear, not a cloud to be seen, only the celestial vault displaying its treasures.

Normally a night to be inside by the fire. But tonight Warpstone was alive with a teeming mass of anoraks, fleeces, sheepskins and blue replica shirts. Burger vans, kebabs, bobble hats and scarves, every precious dream and vision underneath the stars.

A mass of humanity was descending on the bubble of light in the dark, the silver and diamond crown on a velvet cushion, the Warplands Stadium in Warpstone. The biggest ground in Wentland and the venue for Wentland’s first ever home match in the World Cup.

Occasionally the chant went up from the throng. “Wentland! Weeeentlaaand!” There had been great anticipation and although the Wents were discouraged from previous World Cup performances (one point in the two games hitherto) they were really, really enervated by the prospect of taking their bow as an international host.

The commemorative programme was available for three guineas. A glossy production with photos from the Collonie game as well as pen-pictures of the Nanakaland squad. A genuine must-have for the Wents. Big blue cover with a V for Victory across the front. “WEEEEENT-LAAAAND!!!”

The air was peppered by chants, songs, friendly abuse. Condensing breath, balti, steak & kidney, crisps. Hope. Fear. Fervour. The churches were as nought compared to the congregation at their new place of worship, glowing in the distance, near for the Stones fans, far for those driving in or bussing it from elsewhere in Wentland.

The group position did not matter. No-one expected to qualify. Avoiding last was the best hope but then Collonie massacred Bazalonia. At least, the fans thought, it puts our draw there in some sort of context. Maybe they’re better than they appear. And so they were re-heartened. “WEEEEEEEENT-LAAAAAAAANDDD!!!!”


7.30pm. WBC was vox popping around the ground. “Of course we’ll win, piece of cake.” “I’d take a draw.” “Fingers crossed.” “I’ve got a tenner on us, AVE IIIITT!” Even the Crown Prince was there. “Let’s just hope for a good game.” A born diplomat.

The crowds were piling up outside the turnstiles. Occasionally someone would turn to a mate and point out the poster above the entrances. “Next match: Nanakaland…” Whodathunkit?

Inside the dressing room the atmosphere was more tense. The players could feel the tension, could hear the fans, could see the ceiling crumbling under the pressure of tens of thousands of stamping feet. Edgar Bluff was trying to calm them down. “Once you’re out there it’s all different. You’ve all played in more important matches than this. We know we’re in difficulties with this group, we know we’re after the experience, we will forget about this soon enough. Not like Cup finals, where you have to live with it. The Wents will forgive lack of skill, they will not forgive lack of effort.”

In the stadium the DJ was cranking up the Gs. The atmosphere was at about eleven. There were 2,000 from Nanakaland but they could barely make themselves heard above the cacophony, the medley of old drinking songs, various football songs, pop hits, chants…the stadium itself was awash with blue, the double-bubble flag and banners. “Frankie T for Prime Minister.” “I Sold My Mother For This Seat”. Cartoon of a swift devouring a Nanakabird. “Gus Gets ‘Em.” “Devey Fever.” “Wentland Winland.” Some were even worse. “WEEEEEEEEENT-LAAAAAAAAAAND!!!!”

7.40pm. The players came out. The rolling thunder of noise reached a crescendo. Just yells, shouts, screams…the WBC commentator was overcome and let the sound speak for itself.

7.41pm. National anthems. Quiet for the Nanakaland anthem apart from 2,000 voices. Then the stadium waited for Sir Harry to come onto the pitch to lead the Wents in their greatest. “As you go through life it’s a long, long road…”

Camera panned around. Tears in the eyes of grown men. Mobile phone cameras everywhere capturing the moment. “We’ll be there, at the end of the road…” The sound was now at twelve as the players jogged into position. Quick check of the teams. Frankie T at the head. Gus went up for the toss. Heads, good call.

7.45pm. Treves and Morgan standing over the ball. The World Cup committee had paid Wentland a tribute by appointing a Sarzonian referee. He put the whistle to his lips and Morgan the Mighty tapped the ball sideways.

The noise was at fifteen.

The Schiavone Scribe
ALEXANDRIAN PTOLEMISS
Schaiavonia 2-0 Alexandrian Ptolemais

OK, so they might well have been two-nil down at the time, but last night's game between Schiavonia and Alexandrian Ptolemais will be remembered for one thing and one thing only.

Ned Riley's miss.

After a heavy downpour during the day, the pitch at the King Francesco stadium was almost swamplike. However, the groundstaff ensured that the surface was good enough to play on.

At least it was good enough for Kenny Sanderson, who curled a free kick in from thirty yards just fourteen minutes in. It's becoming the Schiavone midfielder's trademark - that's three times he's scored from free kicks in his short international career.

In what was a very scrappy match, it took a very controvertial goal to put the Sloths aheas in the second half. Filipo Schiavone seemingly diving over George Trotter's leg, but the referree adjudged it a penalty, and Schiavone promptly got up and chipped it down the middle of the goal past a diving Graham Herd.

But it was Riley's miss in the last five minutes that everyone will remember.

Changing to a more attacking formation to chase the game, a long ball forward didn't bounce as Sloths keeper Ben Kershaw expected it to, and it bobbled past him into Riley's path.

Riley rolled it towards the goal and ran away to celebrate. Only he didn't count on the stickiness of the mud in the goalmouth. The ball never reached the goal, and an embarrased Kershaw scrambled back to pick up the stationary ball.

A crazy situation. Luckily for Sloths fans, there's now a matchday to get over it, as it's bye week next week. Hooray for having a rest!

Ratings
Schiavonia: Kershaw 6; O'Kane 7, Park 7, Marsden 7, Smith 7; Sanderson 7, JONES 8, Weir 8; Topp 6 (McAndrew [62 min] 7), Schiavone 7, Tarmey 6.
Alexandrian Ptolemais: Herd 7; Walker 7 (Shand [72 min] 7), Clarkson 7, Chettleburgh 6 (Greenwood [72 min] 6], Wimsett 7, Trotter 8; Rodgers 7, Morgan 7, Dempsey 8, Forrest 7; Taylor 7 (Riley [78 min] 4).

Final score
Schiavonia 2 (Sanderson 14, Schiavone (pen) 71)
Alexandrian Ptolemais 0

Group 4 Pl W D L F A Pts GD
1. Rejistania 3 3 0 0 5 0 9 +5
2. Cuation 2 2 0 0 6 1 6 +5
3. Schiavonia 3 2 0 1 6 4 6 +2
4. Kudlastan 3 1 0 2 1 3 3 -2
5. Alexandrian Ptolemais 2 0 1 1 0 2 1 -2
5. Pyrologists911 2 0 1 1 0 2 1 -2
7. Kaze Progressa 3 0 0 3 3 9 0 -6

GRAHAM CITY SUN
Stars Qualifying Campaign Opens With Win, Loss

GRAHAM CITY - As the Stars returned from New Montreal today, many people are wondering what the future will hold for this young qualifying team. With Nicolae Foma and Iason Spyridon providing the offense with the Stars five goals in both games between them, the pundits here at home have wondered about the defense, a classic struggle for the Stars in a system that is thoroughly takilan.

Carson Lindsay and keeper Heath Porter have come under fire in their performances against the Macabbees and the Paladins, both let key plays slip by them, three of which resulted in three goals against the New Montreal States. Westley Stjepan, manager of the Stars, has repeatedly said that the whole team is under close watch as qualifying continues. "No one will be allowed on this team with a sub-par level of play. This just isn't the way a national team should be run."

Rumors have it that Lindsay, a fiery Irishman, is rumored to have had a falling out with Stjepan before he left the squad as a player and became the manager. Both have been coy about such a feud, and pundits indicate that this maybe a sign of either respect or realization that Lindsay is with his faults, but simply the best defender the Stars have right now, and until they find a new defender to replace him, they will continue to respect each other at a distance.

In better news, newcomer Ryley Bloudin is looking to get the start over Iason Spyridon this week against Keyshona, who is excited about seeing the youth wonders, Foma and Blouding, play together. "I think that they are a great pair, and I know Foma is a very talented individual and a great team player. The pair will be great to watch, and I know that when I'm retired these two will be able to carry the offensive load." Bloudin said he is nervous about getting to play in a game, but is not worried about his performance. "Of course I am nervous," he said, "who wouldn't be? But I am not worried that the nervousness will overcome my readiness to play."

The Stars go on a road trip again to Keyshona, and will visit Southern Universe and a key game in Starblaydia before returning home to play the last match in the first leg of qualifying at home against Dagabom.

OOC: Jolt's back - woo-hoo!




MONASTIC TIMES

HOLY SYNOD REFUSE CUATION OFFER
Senior Bishop Apologises for Inadvertent Offence Caused to 'Pawns of Satan'

By Fr. Nicholas the Scribe

The Holy Synod and Monastic Football Association today contacted the people of Cuation directly to turn down their offer to host at least one of the Archregimancy - Anathematic Republics qualifiers.

"It's nothing personal" said a senior archimandrite, speaking on condition of anonymity. "We're simply not going to compromise with Satan. If Commerce Heights or Oliverry order us to take the two-nation neutral host solution, then we'll bow to the hosts, but otherwise... It's Ariddia or nothing. Look, let's approach this from our perspective. Satan - the Enemy of God, the Prince of Darkness, the Father of Lies - is a most subtle enemy. Why does _he_ want us to play in Cuation? Where does Cuation fit into the Devil's plan? What influence might he have on the Cuation government? For all we know, the entire nation of Cuation might be inadvertently and unknowingly working for Lucifer."

Metropolitan Mark of the Grand Lavra, however, did offer a formal apology to the people of Cuation for any offence inadvertently caused by the Archregimancy's refusal to play in Cuation. "It's not just Cuation, you understand - we'd refuse to play in any nation nominated by Satan. Nonetheless, we apologise wholeheartedly to the God-fearing citizens of Cuation, who are suffering undeservedly for their government's role as unwitting pawns of Satan. And besides, I don't like to see grown men cry."

When asked what the Archregimancy might be doing to stop the spread of Anathematic Republics influence in Cuation, this reporter was told that representatives of SOFTEE (the Synodical Office for the Elimination of occult Evil) were said to be travelling throughout Cuation, distributing leaflets warning citizens how to defend themselves against the evil predations of were-manatees.

Cuation Spout

Satan's Puppet Not Found!

When the Holy Synod made their complaints known, the local level of government began a search for Satan's puppet as they felt sorry that he lost something that seems to mean so much to him. Everyone has noticed an improvement in government affairs since then and so nobody has bothered to correct them.

One of the aides to the Grand Duke of Manillenga province spoke to the press on the real issues. "While there are rumours that our beloved warlord and manager of the Cuation team is a devil worshipper, we must state our independence from Hell. While some view our government as barbaric, our actions are due to trying to bring stability after centuries of civil war."

"Has it occurred to the Archregimancy that the reason Satan might not wish both matches in Ariddia is that Archregimancy might try to prevent him from taking a seat or seek to make the match unplayable by exorcism and thus cheat by taking an unnatural advantage. With one match away from Ariddia, he might be more assured that security won't allow that to happen and thus we can see the game rely on pure footballing ability. I'm sure Cuation wasn't his first choice but due to only two nations offering to host it, he preferred to take one that he hated less and might be less prone to allow any accidental cheating by using Holy equipment. Besides we cheated against the Anathematic Republic when we played them so I'm not sure they love us much."

"We do however thank SOFTEE for its work and will hope they send a member to the team so they can learn from such kind people. They will also be glad to see there are few tears, just protests, insults and some scraps between Cuation fans."

When reminded of the anti religion laws, the aide rushed off, perhaps to see the Minister of Law? Anyway we can report that we have heard no news of arrest so hopefully SOFTEE members have been left unharmed.

OOC: I’ve discussed this with Audioslavia, but if you want it to happen differently, go ahead.

IC:
Diplomatic incident sparks fury in Rêvane

It was the game everyone in Ariddia was looking forward to. The Rouge-et-Noirs travelled to Audioslavia to take on the twelfth best team in the world. A win would have meant spectacular celebrations throughout the islands. A draw would have made many Ariddians happy. As it turned out, however, the match itself was overshadowed by a full-blown diplomatic incident.

It started when flight AA-107 of Ariddian Airlines touched down in Audioslavia, and a weary but excited squad trouped off the plane and queued up to go through immigration. When eighteen-year-old midfielder Wol Eosh handed her passport over to the friendly-looking immigration officer, she could not have imagined what would happen next.

First, it was unexpected delays. Unlike her team-mates, Eosh was not allowed to cross past the immigration check-in point. The rest of the team naturally refused to leave her behind, but did not protest, believing there to be some kind of error.

And then came the airport security officers, and the police. This time, the Ariddians did protest, but to no avail, as Eosh was firmly detained and taken away. Heatedly, coach Adam Seul threatened that Ariddia would boycott the match, and, upon leaving the airport, immediately contacted the Ariddian government and embassy in Audioslavia. It appears the Ariddian authorities have summoned the Audioslavian ambassador to Rêvane, but it is still not clear why Eosh is being detained.

The match was held as scheduled, but the Ariddian players all raised a fist in anger while their anthem was playing, their eyes and faces showing just what they thought of what had occurred. Some supporters wondered whether they would perform the traditional ulek (http://ns.goobergunch.net/wiki/index.php/Ulek), and they did, as usual.

“It’s not the Audioslavian players we’re angry at,” Frédéric Clément said later, explaining why the team had gone ahead with performing the traditional war chant. “We have great respect for them. It would have been insulting if we hadn’t done the ulek.”

Eosh had been scheduled as part of the starting eleven for what would have been her first ever match with the Rouge-et-Noirs. She was replaced by John Sanjeeb.

Once the game began, it was clear the Rouge-et-Noirs were out of their league against the skilful Audioslavians, but their supporters cheered them on unflaggingly. The first goal came in the thirteenth minute, as Mussorgsky made use of quick reflexes to convert a corner kick. Before that, a shot by Fiori had narrowly missed Leduc’s goal cage, while the Ariddian keeper had saved another shot by Polsson.

The Ariddians went fully into attack mode after that, unaccustomed to being forced into defensive playing, but to no avail. Polsson made it 2-0 twenty-eight minutes into the game, and only in the forty-third were the Audioslavian defences breached well enough to allow Clément a successful shot on goal.

The second half of the game saw the Ariddians maintain their focus on attack, but no further goals by the Rouge-et-Noirs, and Polsson and Fiori had made it 4-1 by the time the whistle blew. In the sixtieth minute, a clumsy tackle by Kitenge on Alanila saw the Ariddian defender sent off the field, sparking furious boos of protest from already tense supporters.

A grim-faced Frédéric Clément spoke to reporters after the match. Asked about the controversy surrounding Eosh’s detention, he said,

“I know Wol. She’s done nothing wrong. Hell, she’s never even been to Audioslavia before in her life. I imagine she won’t be coming back here either. I have no idea what’s going on, but this is a disgrace.”

Regarding the match itself, he seemed to relax a little.
“It was a good match. We were up against a very skilled team; full credit to them for their victory. I don’t think we played badly, though, and this has been a valuable experience. We’ve learnt things that we’ll be able to make use of on the return leg.”

Clément also vowed not to leave the country until he knew why his team-mate was being held, and a protest gathering has taken place in front of the Audioslavian embassy in Rêvane.

Jeruselem Government News

Milchama show form, Rordia get smacked about on MD3

World Cup 26 - now Milchama were last in Group 15. Not now, they finally played a real soccer game and well, beat us. Milchama upset Jeruselem 2-1 where the real Milchama showed up, not the losers who got smacked 6-3 by Rordia. On the whole the young Jeruselem team had an off-day while the 47th seed showed they weren't going hang around with losers near the bottom for long.

Tadjikistan showed Rordia what it means to be a good team. Rordia smarting after losing to Jeruselem 2-4, lost again this time 1-3. The Tigers were back to their best and pushed the pretenders aside. The Tigers play, well, Jeruselem next.

McPsychoville continued Artoonia bad luck. They scored a gutsy 2-1 win to push Artoonia to the bottom of Group 15.

The Tigers lead group 15 with Jeruselem trailing by a draw. Rordia are still 3rd but share the honour with Race City and McPsychoville. Race City had the bye today.

Final Score:
Milchama 2 (Nielson 21, Copperlee 72)
Jeruselem 1 (Kool 81)

Group 15
Tadjikistan 3 Rordia 1
Jeruselem 1 Milchama 2
Artoonia 1 McPsychoville 2


Region 15 Pts W D L GF:GA GD
1. Tadjikistan 7 2 1 0 7:2 5
2. Jeruselem 6 2 0 1 10:5 5
3. Rordia 3 1 0 2 9:10 -1
Race City 3 1 0 1 3:4 -1
McPsychoville 3 1 0 1 3:4 -1
6. Milchama 3 1 0 1 5:7 -2
7. Artoonia 1 0 1 2 3:8 -5


IN other results
Hockey Canada 1 The Weegies 1
Nedalia 0 Harlesburg 1

The Canadians win again and well, the Lions are like kittens at the moment.

OOC
Two days late due to !@#$% server

Star striker Shawn Peruvo (http://ns.goobergunch.net/wiki/index.php/Shawn_Peruvo) of the North Beach Sharks, spotted the Locke Harbour coach sitting in his office eating from a container of jam. He entered the room.

Shawn Peruvo: What are you eating?

PopularFreedom coach Gabriel Mallors, of the Locke Harbour squad looked up at the star from the western PopularFreedom city of Loyalty Bay.

Gabriel Mallors: Grape jam, you want some?

Shawn Peruvo: Do all easterners eat like you?

Gabriel Mallors: Do all games end up like today?

Shawn laughed at that last statement

Shawn Peruvo: Seemingly they do. When we played Bedistan back in World Cup 24 they beat us 2-0. I think the team from the Pearson Cliffs league may have played them too but that happened during our season and I wasn't paying attention to the match at all so not sure.

Gabriel Mallors: 4-1 though, they beat us 4-1.

Shawn Peruvo: At least you scored.

Gabriel Mallors: Evan Timulburger scored, and by then it was 3-1 in the 54th minute. Was a nice goal, but still we were outplayed completely. It wasn't even close.

Shawn Peruvo: Well you played more of a kamikaze type style than my team ever did. Then again, Bedistan has that one forward, Tommy Bob Valentín, who nailed two in on you by the 23rd minute.

Gabriel Mallors: Don't even get me started on that guy, I swear he took a dive in the box.

Shawn Peruvo: Oh ya, no doubt but still the ref bought it and that is all that counts. His first goal though was legit, as was Billy English's goal at the 42nd minute too.

Gabriel Mallors: Yea, 3-0 at halftime. I think they made some subs at break.

Shawn Peruvo: You think, dude they put in Sherman Locke-Holmes at goal for the 2nd. I say that is the only reason you scored for the record, although that was still a sweet goal by Evan Timulburger. Isn't that his 3rd goal of the World Cup?

Gabriel Mallors: Yea we gotta get others to score.

Shawn Peruvo: Naw, work more on your midfielders, they kept coughing up the ball. That is why they got the 4th goal after you were starting to put on some pressure.

Gabriel Mallors: I blame Celio Zulira for that one

Shawn Peruvo: Aw come on you can't blame Zulira. Just cause he is your centre defender means nothing. If your midfielders set up Billy English with as nice a miscue as they did, I don't care who is defender, they ain't stopping him from scoring. That is your midfielders faults, plus your goalie was the best on that either.

Gabriel Mallors: The worst was it was in the 89th minute. A score of 3-1 don't look so bad, but 4-1.

Shawn Peruvo: Ah well, anyhow I gotta run. Heading to Catadunes to see your match tomorrow.

Gabriel Mallors: You really dig watching us.

Shawn Peruvo: Honestly, not really, I just wanna watch first hand my nation verses some of our competitors. I figure sooner or later my team will get another chance to represent our nation and I wanna make sure we do our nation proud.

Gabriel Mallors: Thanks for the vote of support

Shawn Peruvo: Sorry, just I am used to better football than your team plays, however if it means anything you are still better than any Pearson Cliffs team.

Gabriel Mallors: Oh wow, thanks. Now you make me feel even worse comparing me to northern PopularFreedom snowballers.

Shawn laughed at this last comment as he left the coach's temporary office.



OOC: I was so fed up with Jolt when it went down 2 days ago. Took me 35 tries before I finally gave up trying to post this story, lol

thsd:NEWS

Whaam, Baam, Thaank You Spaam
by Rami Niblick in Bromham

Jeremy Jaffacake looked up from his Krytenian newspaper. That headline.. that headline was familiar somehow. He scratched his head and took a key out of his jacket, replacing it with the banana he was halfway through eating. The key unlocked the drawer below his desk, and unveiled a large array of files. Jeremy flicked through to the part marked 'S' and took out the first piece of paper he saw. It was an article from his coverage of World Cup nine. The headline was 'Spaamers get Hammered, 'Waters get Slaughtered' (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=5473087&postcount=375). That wasn't it. Jeremy flicked through more newspaper clippings, some worn, some slightly newer. A couple weren't even football related, instead being diatribes against Spaamanian down-under culture. He saw the criticism of Spaamanian beer, called the 'Spaamber Nectar' (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=6240578&postcount=732), and remember the hilariously named 'Spaamanian Propaganda Against Certain Kinds of Nations Other than Belmore' (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=6247239&postcount=751) (SPACKNOB for short). Here was another headline, another from World Cup Nine: Canned Spaam (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=5494416&postcount=582). Excellent, but not the one he was looking for.

Jeremy sifted through another couple of articles, moving onto East Spaam, the ex-colony of Spaam. That headline made him chuckle, fifty odd years after he first wrote it. "We're all off to lose to Spaam, oh Viva EastSpaamia..." (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=5963546&postcount=271). Classic, but still not the righ.. aha! There it was. The proof he needed. He picked up the phone and dialled a rather long number.
"Hi.. hi can i speak to Mr. Niblick please... yes i'll hold". Time passed.
"Aha, yes, Mr. Niblick. You're a plagiarising git. I'm gonna fax you something. G'nite bitch". He put the phone down and faxed the document. It was a report from World Cup 14, with the headline 'Wham, Bam, 2-2 Spaam' (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=6303955&postcount=224). Not the exact same headline, but one that used the same joke to greater effect. To Jeremy, if no-one else, this was still ripping him off.

Immediately after faxing the document, Jeremy's phone rang.
"Hello? Oh, hi Brad". It was Bradley Faulkes, foreign secretary. How did Jeremy Jaffacake know the foreign secretary well enough to call him Brad? Who knows? Who gives a shit? Jeremy Jaffacake should be at least a hundred and fifty years old by now and i'm still using him as an RP character. Quit bugging me. No sooner had Jeremy though all of this from the abstract point of view of someone who didn't exist, when he jumped in his seat slightly.
"Who?.... Yes i guessed she's an Ariddian player, being as she is in the Ariddian team, what was her name again?..... Ok and how do you spell that?..... W. O. L. E. O. S. H..... well of course you should detain her." Jeremy paused and sifted through another draw marked 'legal documents'.
"Who?.... meh... Ariddia, West Aridda, North-West Ariddia, North-North-East Southern North West Ariddia, its all the same french weirdo's moaning about how bad their capuccino is and stroking their butler. Arrest her and detain her, we can sort her out later..... what do you mean 'hand him over to West Ariddia', what the fuck do they care about Audioslavian law?.... Bradley what are you talking about?...". Jeremy was beginning to get exhasperated.
"Why would she be wanted by West Ariddia?.... oh... aha.... no i didn't know about the petty crime..... why what? Why did i want to detain her if i didn't know about her crime history? Bradley, LOOK AT HER NAME"
Jeremy fished out the right legal document and looked it up and down. There it was, section seven, article four, in black and white: "IF A PERSON GIVETH UNTO HIM/HERSELF A NAME, WHICH BEGINS WITH A 'W', AND OF WHICH MORE THAN 30% OF ITS LETTERS ARE VOWELS, THEN THAT MAN/WOMAN SHALL BE DETAINED FOR A WEEK AND SUBJECTED TO RE-RUNS OF 'WIN, LOSE OR DRAW, WITH YOUR HOST, GIL LEMSON". He recited this to his colleague.
"Now do you see my problem?" demanded Jeremy.
"No... no you can't arrest her now can you, Ariddia would go nuts. We've got football to think about here, y'know...... fuck off Brad thats got everything to do with it.... Because we travel there next year, thats how. If we piss of Ariddia, they'll piss us off when we go and play there. Who knows, they could kidnap Arturo Vitalis, then we'll be fucked. He's our only good player..... no we can't just let her go, she'll need to be punished for having such a stupid name.... How? Well...."
Jeremy looked around for inspiration. 'Win, Lose or Draw' wasn't available any more since a convict called Wayne Aabaene went crazy watching it and shoved the video up his own arse. Flat side up. He looked at the Iron Maiden poster on his wall. An iron maiden? Too harsh. Subjecting him to 'Killers'? Not harsh enough... aha... that was it... He picked up the phone again.
"This Wol Eosh... detain her in a dog quaratine at the airport. They can collect her in a week or so. Tell them she looks too much like a dog and as such will need a week in quarintine... yes i know their manager won't be too happy about that, so how about we reveal the information, and photographs, about Ariddia's manager, this Adam Seul fellow, and his 'colourful' interpretation of the Ulek with three strippers and a bucket of chocolate mouse. That'll teach 'em to send a lasse to our country who contravenes the 'W-vowel-law'. Bastards. G'nite bitch"
Jeremy put the phone down. It rang again immediately. Jeremy picked it up and put it down again. It was a fax, and so Jeremy pressed the 'fax' button.

He turned around in his swivelly chair and contemplated how Ariddia would play when they knew that one of their own had been detained in quarantine. God they'd be pissed off. He imagined the score. 6-0? 5-0? Well, the 'slaves were playing like grannies at the moment, so Ariddia would probably score one, but they'd concede at least four. 4-1, Mussorgsky with a goal, Polsson and Fiori with the others. Fantastic. Ariddia were going to look even more stupid than Rami Niblick was going to feel when he realised his 'funny' headline pun had been done fifty years ago. He turned round and read the fax. It was from Rami Niblick himself. Jeremy read it.:

"Fuck off. Rami."

That cheeky cun...

"Fuck off. Rami."

"Well, that'll do for a start," Rami thought, "now to really screw him."

Unwittingly, Jeremy Jaffacake had put himself in the crosshairs of the most annoyed man in Krytenia. He'd been in a mood for the last two years, after a bit of Starblaydi-mocking had backfired and he lost his previous moniker. He'd liked bein plain old Daniel Wheldon. He'd enjoyed not being looked at funny when he wrote his name as "Rameses Niblick III". Even shortening the name sounded stupid. His one escape had been his famous puns, and now this shithead wanted to take that away?!? No chance. He beavered away in a filing cabinet marked "Photos - Ellisham Wanderers".

"J...J...J...ah! Perfect!"

On the photo there was a man. A young striker, in fact, who looked a little like Jeremy Jaffacake - but there was a very good reason for this. For you see, some years earlier Rami's predecessor, journalist Ffion Phillips, had gone to cover a story in Machinegrad....and become pregnant. Her son now played for Ellisham. His name: Jerome Jaffacake-Phillips. He sent a copy of the photo through the fax, scrawling just five words on the bottom:

"So, how's the kid? Rami."

Daily Herald

There are certainly some disappointing results so far for Palacetonia. After the optimism arising out of a halfway decent showing in the Baptism of Fire Tournament including near thing with the qualification for the knockout stages, the players are really finding it difficult dealing with the big boys.

Iain Corder is a difficult man to track down at the moment. it is rumoured that he is shacked up in his loveshack with a secretary from the Palacetonia Football Association.

The senior members of the PFA are being criticised for not standing by their manager tonight when the President said in the press conference.

"We have had no discussions with Iain relating to his contract at the moment."

The development of Ed Parker as a player has been pleasing to see and he is the only person to come out of the tournament so far with any credit.

Cataduanes Update: Alomar out and Archregimancy comments provoke repsonse

The Islanders mercurial midfielder, Ferdinando Alomar, has suffered an injury during training ruling him out of the up coming fixture against PopularFreedom. The young and talented Toni Souletano looks set to take his place in the midfield alongside hardman Andres Chavicano, while the 19 year old Sakhayos midfielder is no doubt extremely talented it remans to be seen wether his inexperience will be a problem. Coach Manua also sent out a warning to his squad not to underestimate the opposition and to stay concentrated on the task ahead.

On The Archregimancy comments on wether Cataduanes were heathens or not has provoke a late but strong effect among the Cataduanes governemt, whose minster for Religious affairs, Innocente De Angelo, had this to say ' to these orthodox heathens not know that there venarable Patriach of constantinople was an upstart, the See's of Jerusalem, Rome, Alexandria and Anticoh being more venrable than there's!! The senoir Orthodox patriach was a political creation for the benefit of the Eastern Roman emperors! The holy catholic faith is the true and correct christianity they are nothing but schismatics'

World Cup Reporters
Hiiraan Has Lost!!

Last Game
The Kazoo Peoples .vs. Hiiraan
cavernous Kazoo City Stadium
Score: The Kazoo Peoples 3 : Hiiraan 1

Yup, you properly know the score and the who lost by now, but we have need to add more details to your battered mind already. It was a game in which Hiiraan hopes to win, and as predicted the World Cup reporters, Hiiraan has lost its second game, and was thrown back to its rightful position in the 5th place position.

"We are glad that we came out and showed force, we proved we can play against any team, exprienced or not" said the coach in the after game news conference. "We just need to work and few things, and we can do better next time against the kazoo peoples. " he added. The coach did not look by any standards, a loser after the game. he looked calm and ready for the next match.

"We tried, and we failed" said Mohamed nuur, who scored his first goal in the tournment. "The fancy footwork and passes between Nuur, Souad, and Farah ultimately confused the defense, as they allowed the threesome to get within 15 feet of the goal. With the ball trapped between all three, as they met each other back-to-back-to-back in a triangle, and then Nuur slapped it past Johnson" read the K. Peoples most read paper. It was obvious that the Hiiraanese were able to push the goal forward, but ultimently, no goal challanges came about any attacks. "to put it simply," said Zakariya Mohamed "We lost the game"

The Hiiraanese defense meanwhile, were furious at how they played. "We just did not perform, we tried to stop the attacks, for example that last goal by Rudy Johnson was an obvious stoppable goal, but we fail to stop him, we have to improve and then we can see how we do in the next game. " said one of Hiiraan's best defenders Warsame Mohamed.

The Next Game, Against Yafor 2 is predicted to be as hard as the last one as Yafor 2's had play and rought treatment of other players is to become a major concern. "I am not really worrried that they will treat me harsher than they treated anyone else" joked Zakariya Mohamed as he was standing next to Coach Luure. "I think they will play as usual and we are prepared for the game."

Next Game
Hiiraan .vs. Yafor 2
Stadia di Kismayø

Posted on behalf of Qutar, who can not post atm:




Qutar Sports News Network

Good Evening Qutar, we bring you to the third World Cup Qualifier live in Orean, Liverpool England, Its going to be an exciting game with Qutar riding on a high after their 3-0 win over Five Civilized Nations ranked 25th in the world, but Paul Dove knows that this evening will be a different prospect, with Liverpool England being ranked the 6th best nation in the world, with the crowd mostly on their side, its going to be tough, but he beileves in his team and that Qutar can challenge the best team in their group. We now go live to the stadium.

Welcome to what could be the most exciting match of the tournament for Qutar, well it seems the Liverpool England captain has won the toss and they will start this match off. They start off strong with Sunderland taking the ball forward, as Gordon tries to close him down, he's unable to tackle him though, and Sunderland keeps going forward and he does have support in the form of Weatherly, Langer and Taliaferro, Lemkes come in for the tackle, Sunderland tries to pass the ball to Langer, but Lemkes manages to cut the ball out, but only so far as Taliaferro, who breaks through the defence, as Stone comes out, and Taliaferro tries to take it round him, but Stone manages to smother the ball. With Liverpool England starting strongly as expected, Qutar are going to have to remain composed and play the best football they can. Stone gets play started, and the team must be watching TV because they seem to be taking my advice, they're moving forward strongly with Gordon in possession of the ball, he spots Ali and Thomas ahead of him, but holds onto the ball, as Harley comes out to take possession back, but Gordon skips past the tackle sees Ali making a run forward, he passes the ball, Ali gets hold of it and turns around his marker, he's on goal, Carrero is coming out to block him, but Ali puts his shot in, oh just wide the keeper did enough there. Both teams have tightened up their midfields, since the initial ten minutes of play, and with five minutes remaining in the first half both teams are trying to make the breakthrough needed to break the deadlock, and the referee has just awarded a free kick to Liverpool England, and a yellow card to Lemkes for a late saving tackle just outside the box, it looks like Thompson is going to take the free kick, he runs up and gets it over the wall, but Stone safely collects the ball, and seeing Ali making a break, he throws the ball out to him, Liverpool England have been caught napping, he only got one defender ahead of him, who he gets past, now the keeper is coming out of his area, Ali chips the ball over, its over the keeper, oh its hit the crossbar! Can you believe that! Oh and the referee has just blown time for the end of the first half.

Welcome back, it looks like the second half is about to begin, with both teams out on the pitch, and both looking for a goal to swing things in their favour. Qutar kick off the second half, and Thomas makes a move forwards, he's got Ali ahead of him and Tomlin and Parker, to the left and right of him, he passes to Parker who makes a run down the right, gets past Taliaferro, and gets a cross into the box, Ali heads it toward goal, but Carrero punches the ball out, but only so far as Gordon, who gets a fierce shot in, but oh! It just over the bar, and goes out for a goal kick, what bad luck! Carrero hammers the ball up the pitch with Taliaferro latching onto the ball, he tries to make a run forward but he's blocked by Chris Saunders, he passes back to Weatherly, who sees Osborne making a run down the left, he gets a cross it but its harmlessly headed over by Langer. A similar stalemate to the one seen in the first half is happening with neither side making any breakthroughs, its the last ten minutes of normal time, and Paul Dove is on the sidelines trying to push him team on, the fourth offical is coming out again, whats this he's clutching his chest, he's fallen over now, Parker puts the ball out of play, as the team rushes over to their fallen manager, the medics are rushing over. It looks like he's suffered a heart attack, he's being rushed out of the stadium as I speak, and the game continues with Liverpool England throwing the ball back to Qutar, they are making a real effort to move forward spurned on by what has just happened, Parker is making a move down the left wing, he's in trouble though and passes the ball back to Chris Saunders, who spots Thomas making a run, he passes it to him, and Thomas fires a shot off, which Carrero can only tip around the bar for a corner. This will be the last move of the game, as Tomlin puts a cross in, Carrero punches the ball out, but Parker has got the ball, he sees Ali, gets a pass through, Ali turns and shoots but oh! He puts it just wide as the referee blows his whistle, a good result for Qutar tampered by the events on the sidelines, and I can only hope that Paul Dove will be alright.


Liverpool England 0 (0)-(0) 0 The Islands of Qutar

Yellow Cards: Lemkes

The Weegie Star: Sport Report
Islanders Hold Canucks To Draw In Frozen Wastes

Hockey Canada - 1 (Ko 24)
The Weegies - 1 (McCall 77)

Hockey Canada:
Team: Thomas, Perrault (Hydulov 64), Sylanko (yellow card 24), Cormack (Dunatek 42), Johnson (yellow card 57), McKormick (yellow card 24), Zimin, Scotch, Kulkarni, Broflovski, Ko.
Subs: Marx, Tarasov, Hydulov (yellow card 80), Shvlidky, Dunatek, Tyvlov, Kansu.

The Weegies:
Team: Robertson, McLintock (yellow card 24), Haldair (yellow card 36, Caldwell 62), McKail (yellow card 24), Pialteir, Mathieson (yellow card 56), Williamson (Mackie 72), McConnell (yellow card 63), Ochens, Failchs, McCall.
Subs: Keildie, McDonald, Caldwell (yellow card 76), McCowell, Pindie, Mackie, Sheridan.

The Canucks were surprised tonight after the Weegies, apparently according to the Hockey Canadian press "not a threat", held them to a well-deserved draw. The only downside, of course, was the amount of bookings that were dealt out in what was a very physical game, although the timidity of the Sarzonian ref contributed to the large number of yellow cards, one of which means that McKail won't be playing the next match against the mysterious FSX, after collecting a yellow card here and against Spaam.

The Canucks seemed to have taken the threat slightly more seriously than their respective press did, fielding a full-strength squad. Persson gave credence, again, to past performance and let two of the youth players that have performed pretty well against Spaam into this match against Hockey Canada, McConnell and McCall.

Coming to Hockey Canada for the first time, members of the Islanders' Army that had travelled to the country remarked mainly about one thing - the cold weather. Weegie fans we talked to harbored a lot of concerns about the cold weather, as the Weegie side has, in the past, consistently underperformed in vastly colder weather. Who can forget the dismal performance of the side in the Aperin Cup of Nations in 2004 in freezing Cirdanistan, where we only proceeded to the quarter-finals, and even then only scraped in due to results elsewhere. But Persson had planned for this. Despite protestations from Weegie Premiership sides, who argued that the league was at a crucial stage, Persson managed to get the Weegie side shipped out two weeks early to acclimatise themselves to the cold weather for the match.

And it seemed to work well for the Weegie side as they walked onto the pitch, not a shiver amongst them. And the Weegies started well, immediately pressing the Hockey Canada side, focusing the passing down the side, where the wingers had a lot of space to manouvre in. The non-defensive players of the Canuck side looked a little swamped by the Weegie side, pressing up. But it was that final third of the pitch where they kept getting frustrated, the karelan formation and tight defending making the Weegie side consistently frustrated in their efforts to score. The offside trap was used to judicious effect, and the offensive skills of the Weegie side were neutralised. This mental frustration led to a more physical side of the Weegie side coming out.

And it expressed itself in the 24th minute, when McKail barged into Kulkarni, making one of his rare forays with the ball into the Islanders' half. Tempers were heated, and in the ensuing argument, McKormick and McLintock also got involved, ascending into pushing each other and getting into each others' faces. The Sarzonian ref settled the matter by doling out yellow cards, one other to Sylanko, who had also been involved in the argy-bargy.

The resulting free-kick turned out to be a costly one, as Ko, having received the ball from Kulkarni, sliced his way past McLintock and McKail and fired the ball right into the bottom corner of the net, where Robertson just couldn't get it.

And then the Canucks really closed ranks. Compared to what had gone before, it was worse. And as the defensive machinations of the Canucks continued, the physical side of the game came out more. Yellow cards were doled out on both sides for various infractions, although, again, it looked more like the Sarzonian ref was strict on these things rather than it was a particularly violent game.

But just when it looked hopeless for the Weegies, a ray of hope again came in young starlet McCall. In the 77th minute, Mathieson managed to get past the Hockey Canadian defense and slice the ball into the box, where McCall rose above the Canucks to head the ball past Thomas, a deserved goal after so much pressing.

"We played well" said manager Persson. "It was a physical game, but we gave as good as we got. It is a shame that McKail has to be out for next time, but what can you do? We managed to get behind the defence of the Canucks, and it was a tough defense, I give them credit. I'm going to be looking at the karelan system with a lot less mirth and a little more respect than I used to."

Next, the Weegies play the mysterious FSX, who have performed well for now.

Jean Lenoir, Assistant Secretary for Sport, glared across his desk at AFA President Anna Teals. Not that she had done anything wrong. He was simply feeling in the mood to glare, and there was no-one else but Teals in the room to direct his glare at.

“Yes, Comrade Secretary,” Teals was saying. “The Audioslavians have explained their reason for detaining Ms. Eosh. It seems. . .” She coughed, and pretended to flick through a small handful of A5-sized sheets of notes. “It seems she’s been quarantined.”

“Quarantined?” Lenoir echoed. “That’s preposterous!” He paused, as though realising that perhaps it might not be. “She’s not ill, is she? Infectious?”

“We don’t know, Comrade,” Teals said slowly, hesitatingly. “But that seems to be beside the point.”

“How could it be beside the point?” Lenoir was growing thoroughly exasperated now. “They’ve quarantined her, haven’t they?”

“Yes, Comrade.”

“Because they suspect she may be carrying some disease?”

“No, Comrade.” Teals looked nervously through her notes. “Because. . .” She coughed lightly. “They say she looks, I quote, ‘too much like a dog’.”

Lenoir stared at her.
“Come again?”

“She looks like a dog. At least, that’s what they’re saying.” Teals was obviously very uncomfortable.

Lenoir blinked. Then stared. Then blinked a gain.
“Does she?” he asked at last, bewildered.

“No, Comrade,” Teals said promptly. “She walks on two legs, you see,” she added after a moment, somewhat unnecessarily.

“Well, yes,” Lenoir snapped, “I’m assuming Seul wouldn’t have fielded a player who likes to crawl around on all fours like a baby. Now. . . Wait. How long is she being quarantined for?”

“Uhm. . . A week.”

“We’ll have a yell at the Audioslavian ambassador. Hell, I’ll get the Prime Secretary involved in this, if I have to. Threaten to have the Audioslavian team strip-searched when they get here, or something. I don’t know. Have we got SERA (http://ns.goobergunch.net/wiki/index.php/Ariddian_Intelligence_Service_%28SERA%29) operatives in that country?”

Teals shook her head, a little dazed by the Secretary’s breathless flow of words.
“Uhm, how should I know, Comrade? I’m not in charge of Secret Services.”

“No. . . No, quite so,” Lenoir mused. “Perhaps we can get her sprung out of there. . .”

“That might create a diplomatic incident, sir,” Teals advised cautiously.

“They started it,” Lenoir snapped back. “Get SERA onto this.”

“Yes, Comrade,” Teals said placatingly, judging it wise not to remind him she had nothing to do with SERA. “Will there be anything else?”

“No. . . Yes. Now that I think of it. I was going to tell you, but that Audioslavian nonsense had me sidetracked. We’ve received notification from the West Ariddian authorities. They claim Audioslavia is detaining Ms. Eosh on their behalf.”

“But. . .” Teals frowned. “Why? Oh, right. They want her on suspicion of petty theft or something, don’t they?” West Ariddia had been demanding for months that Ariddia extradite the young woman back to her native country, but the PDSRA had been delaying the procedure, most probably, she thought, so that Eosh could stay on the team.

“Something like that. I’m not surprised, either. Capitalist country; they’re all starving over there. She probably stole a loaf of bread or something. Anyway. . . Something doesn’t add up.”

Teals nodded.
“The Audioslavians aren’t saying they’re holding her for deportation.”

“Well, that quarantine story makes no sense. I assume they’re lying.”

“They are Audioslavians, Comrade,” Teals reminded him gently.

“Meaning what? That they never lie?”

“Meaning that we shouldn’t be surprised their story makes no sense.”

“Ah. Right.” Lenoir rubbed his temples wearily. “Well, we can’t leave her in there with the dogs. . . literally. I’m going to demand that she be released.”

“Good.” Teals stood. “Will that be all?”

“Yes. No. . . wait. Did we at least win?”

“Against Audioslavia?” Teals snorted. “We lost. One goal to four.”

Lenoir sighed.
“Figures,” he said, glumly, as she walked out of his office.

Matchday 4 scores (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=10270602&postcount=4) are now up.

(Note to self: The last RP was not counted in MD4 RP bonus. It should be counted for MD5. Not that Ariddia needed the bonus today, anyway… ;))

After a rest and some training... Peter Hobble appeared on a morning Television Show.... Good Morning Bazalonia.

"And thanks for our Friends from Junk Direct showing us the latest in cleaning. Back to you Ernie."

"Thank you, Moira. After a rollcoaster in the international scene the Bazalonian Bazalopes have gone on a rollercoaster ride being undefeated in the Baptism of Fire Qualifier to loose in the Quarters to Island of Qutar, then drawing the 4th ranked team the Squornshelous Psychoes to losing to the lowest ranked team in our group Collonie. Here we have in the studio today the Bazalopes star striker... Peter Hobble.... Good Morning Pete." said Ernie looking down the barrel of the Camera and then turned towards Peter Hobble in the seat next to him. The Camera shot chagne to show Ernie and Peter sitting next to each other.

"Morning Ernie."

"So we've heard what the coaches think the problem was with the loss to Collonie. What is your take on it?" asked Ernie

"Ernie it comes down to consistancy. It seems the team is not performing at a consistant standard, and I am including myself at this." answered Hobble.

"The next world cup match will be against Nankaland.... The Nankaland Nankabirds... How do you reckon the game will go? "

"Well... If we are to win it is going to be a hard game you don't become the 39th ranked team in the world by being easy to defeat. but still I think we can do it.We teid with the 4th ranked team so no reason we can't beat the 39th ranked team." commented Peter

Well... If you come over here while we get things set up..." Ernie stood up and the camera panned around to see small plasticy soccer goal being set up.
Peter got up and followed Ernie... " I was wondering if you take a shot at goal for us."

"I'd be glad... but wheres the ball?" puzzled Peter

"Well, here it comes." stated Ernie...

A child wearing a Nankabiird jersey a number of sizes too large came out on the set carrying the soccer ball.

"and here is the Nankabird goalie" Ernie finished.

Peter chuckled as the ball was placed down at his feet and the vhild took his position infront of the goal posts...

Peter kicked the ball and it went straight past the child and into the back of the net.
"There you go just remember the Nankabirds as children in front of the net and you'll go fine." said Ernie as he finished up that segment...

Peter chuckled and said "Thank you, ernie." as he went off-stage.

"Ladies and Gentlemen, Peter Hobble."

The following are excerpts from The Ajerite Sun.

Golden Wolves Gain First Loss To An Unranked Side...

Game 2
Yafor 2 1 - Casari 1

CASARI - The Golden Wolves had had a bye - it seemed that they were prepared to play a good match against the higher ranked side. There was friendly competition between the two sides; they had come from the same batch of teams, had played in all of the same tournatments, and many of the players each had a small relationship with each other.

However, none of the players would stop the fact that they knew any of the other team's players stop them from winning. So it was, with the first whistle, and the kick-off. The game was tough from the start. The Yaforite defense was not letting in, save a wayward 2nd-minute goal on a disputable penalty, and were bodily hammering the 26th ranked side in the World.

But they were still down, until the 67th minute. At half time, Yaforite fans in the crowd cheered their team on, though they were exceptionally outnumbered by the Casari faithful, many of whom were imitating local hockey hero Bob the random drunk by, well, consuming alcohol in copious amounts. This became a problem at half time, as several fans fell into the field and were still writhing there while Gerod Flamer scored the only Yaforite goal.

Game 3
Hiiraan 3 - Yafor 2 2

Kismayø, Hiiraan - The crowd was wild. Each team had stretched. Both teams coaches had met in the customary Yaforite congratulations-at-getting-this-far and the good-luck. And both teams gave it their best shot. Correction: The Hiiraanese team gave it their best shot and so the the Yaforite offense.

The first quarter started favorably for the Golden Wolves, with quick goals, on twin outside shots from the wingers, Hales Ysilko and Damiel Fraten. Each player beat his man, and then expertly placed a shot into the opposite corner, the right and left, repectively. Also, a yellow card being awarded to Rashid Omar on the Hiiraanese team energised the Yaforite side, but it was to no avail.

The Hiiraanese were contained, like any unranked side facing a top-50 team should be. The Yaforite defense, sometimes feared for it's agressiveness, as several Hiiraanese newspapers had stated before the game was playing averagely, that is, until the 89th minute. In three minutes (as there were two minutes of extra time) the Hiiraanese side scored three goals, by Sulayman Souad, Zakariya Mohamed, and Michael Nuur.

It was the worst three minutes the Golden Wolves had ever played.

The National Team Staves Utter Collapse in First Victory!
In an outstanding game the Goldie-Whites have shot up a spectacular three ranks, going from seventh placement to fourth, all before their free day tomorrow, only to prepare for their eventual game against Keyshona, long time allies, but heated rivals for fourth place in this World Cup. Regardless, the first victory after two defeats and a single draw has come as a major respite to the team and have offered them an outstanding moral boost, while approving that there is more to the World Cup than defeat after defeat, and rolling dark skies. In fact, the victory has ensured that through tenacity and constant preperation, the team can in fact pull ahead, and if there next two games are consequtive victories many believe that the team will be assured fourth place, and they'll soon become a contestant for third place, something the team had not hoped for before. In fact, when introduced with those prospects Leo Benz replied, "I think it's best not to get our hopes up. If we make it to third, that's great. But for now, the team is going to strive for fourth and make sure we don't lose that spot if we get there. I don't think defeating the Lowland Clans is really a team priority this time around."

The two goals were scored by Mannerheim and Paulus. The first, at minute thirty-six, which tied the game aftar Dagabom had made one in during minute seventeen was scored by Mannerheim outside the kitchen, like a cannon ball, and entered the net in the top left corner of the box. The second goal, by Paulus, was scored during minute fifty-four and was from inside the area, putting it like a rocket right into the center of the box. It was two spectacular games, and it made up some of the most spectacular plays the team has ever done. Mannerheim offered his words to us later, "Yea, we played great. We buckled in at first, and they scored on us, and I don't doubt many of ours fans already expected another defeat, but we pulled through and together as a team we brought the marker up to par, and then upped the ante. I loved it."

Paulus game his own words of wisdown, "Mannerheim, like always, showed what this game is about, and I'm proud of myself for following in his footsteps. Our defese played like mad, the offense was genius. All around, we set up the game for a victory. Hopefully, we can mimic this against Keyshona, and then against Southern Universe."

The game was hosted in Fedala and over five hundred thousand spectators flocked to the stadium, which could hold at least another hundred thousand more. Nevertheless, it was a huge turnout, and fan support has increased because of the home victory. The home games against Starblaydia and The Lowland Clans have been scheduled for the Olympic Stadium in Macabea, and those are expected to sell out, with over one million fans packed within the walls of the arena. Nevertheless, all over the Empire, fans hooked their cars up with national flags and paraded in celebration of the victory. Leo Benz told the fans, "The team will be working hard tomorrow, and so will not be available. We are doing our utmost best to train for the upcoming games, and we promise a good show against Keyshona and Souther Universe." Both games will be held in Fedala.

As one fan put it, "We're ready motherfuckers." Nobody said the common man in the Empire was very eloquent!


Matches
The Lowland Clans [3-2] The Macabees
The Macabees[1-1] New Montreal States
Starblaydia[2-0]The Macabees
The Macabees[2-1]Dagabom
Bi-day
The Macabees vs. Keyshona
The Macabees vs. The Southern Universe
The Macabees vs. The Lowland Clans
New Montreal States vs. The Macabees
The Macabees vs. Starblaydia
Dagabom vs. The Macabees
Bi-day
Keyshona vs. The Macabees
The Southern Universe vs. The Macabee


1. Starblaydia 12 4 0 0 10:2 8
2. New Montreal States 7 2 1 1 8:9 -1
3. The Lowland Clans 6 2 0 1 8:7 1
4. The Macabees 4 1 1 2 5:7 -2
5. Southern Universe 3 1 0 2 3:4 -1
6. Keyshona 1 0 1 2 3:5 -2
7. Dagabom 1 0 1 2 1:4 -3

"Someone! Come quick! Jeremy's dead!".
The voice was that of Jennifer Coleman, secretary of Jeremy Jaffacake. The same Jeremy Jaffacake that had reported on Audioslavian football matches for almost ninety years, the same Jeremy Jaffacake that had infamously invaded a Halfassedstatian water factory in an attempt to poison their football team, the same Jeremy Jaffacake that had lead the Audioslavian World Cup 11 team to escape out of a maximum security prison in Total 'n Utter Jacakass, and the same Jeremy Jaffacake that was currently slumped in his chair staring coldly at the ceiling. Jones, the security guard, rushed in with Jennifer in pursuit.
"Oh my god, sweet chocolate jesus Jeremy, Jeremy wake up!". Jones climbed over the desk and shook Jeremy by his shoulders. "I... can't believe it. He's dead, and only one hundred and thirteen years old too"
"So young..." added Jennifer, tears in her eyes. "How can god take someone so young..."
"Jeremy!" shouted Jones, straight at Jeremy Jaffacake's pale, unmoving face. "Jeremy wake up!". He slapped the journalistic legend accross the face. "Wake up Jeremy! C'mon fella wake up!". He slapped him again, and again. It seemed that this third slap did the trick, as Jeremy Jaffacake sat bolt upright and smacked Jones in the face.
"Oh fuck off you dramatic twats" he said, rubbing his face slightly and pushing a startled Jones off of his desk. "I'm not dead. I aint gonna die, i'm just pissed off, thats all. A little bit shocked, and pissed off". Jones made an effort to pull himself to his feet, failed, and slumped back on the floor, wheezing slightly.
"Shocked? Why?" Jennifer asked. Jeremy looked at her. She was pretty, nice tits, he thought, but shame she was so... well... dramatic. Always making a fuss of things. "I'm not dead" repeated Jeremy. "I'm pissed off. I'd like to be alone. You may take your lunch, Miss Coleman, i'll take my own calls for an hour". Jennifer looked at him, shook her head, and walked out, only coming back in to drag a certain shell-shocked security guard out of the room by his ankles. Jeremy got up, walked to the door, closed it, and beat a lamp accross the room, watching it smash on the floor into a million pieces. He walked back to his desk and looked at the sheet of paper that was still hanging out of the fax machine. It seemed at first to be a picture of him as a young boy, but he soon realised it wasn't. Wrong hair colour for a start, and also, it seemed that the picture was of him in a football shirt in front of about twenty thousand people. Jeremy never played football professionally. A short stint in goal for his school team was as close as he ever got. So, therefore, the picture couldn't have been of him. It wasn't until he read the caption at the bottom, and the note below that, that he went pale and fainted.

Jerome Jaffacake-Phillips, Ellisham Wanderers
Position: Striker
Age: 18
Nationality: KRY/AUD

"So. Hows the kid? Rami."

He had a son. He, the greatest living journalist of all time ever in the world at any time ever, living or dead or zombie, had a son. That Krytenian bitch. They'd met at an awards ceremony and hit it off, one thing lead to another, which lead to another and before he knew it he'd lost an ounce from his sack and a tenner from his wallet. Thieving Krytenian bitch. She probably stole the second 'f' in her name. Ffiona? Please. Still. Ffiona Phillips is the mother to his child. His only child. Fuck. He needed to follow this up. How the hell did he not know? This Jaffacake-Phillps fella, OK so he'd only been around for a year, but surely he would have made himself known to Jeremy? He must know who his father is... or maybe not? Jeremy Jaffacake wasn't too popular any more. His reports were less frequent when they were in his hey-dey, where the phrase 'I've been Jeremy Jaffacake, G'nite bitches' was copied by journalists around the world. Maybe he didn't know? He'd have to chase this up. First things first though. Take the rest of the day off and sleep.

The next day, Jeremy marched into work bright and early, said a quick hello to his secretary, who was by now slightly wary of him, and walked into his office. He would chase up this Jerome bloke in a few minutes. First of all, he would log onto the internet. Six minutes later he'd found the site he was looking for. Six minutes later he deleted all his history and temporary internet files. Something like this on his computer could get him in a lot of trouble indeed, even if he did say that it was vital to 'reverse-networking'. He saved the most prominent picture, and saved another picture.

The first one was of Rami Niblick's head.

The second one was a of a hairy man fucking a goat.

In a way that can only be described with the word 'photoshopped', he combined these two pictures, printed it out, and faxed it to a certain Krytenian journalist, complete with the words "So. How's the kid? Jeremy." One-up-manship wasn't just an annoying trait of middle-class golfers, it was a way of life, and it made Jeremy feel a teensy bit better for exactly seven point six-five-nine seconds.

Seven point six-five-nine seconds later, an angry woman kicked down the door of his office and pointed a gun at Jeremy'd head. This caught Jeremy by surprise. His ex-wife wasn't due to see him until thursday. Puzzling indeed. The woman spoke.
"Yurr" she said, in a percular accent. "Yurr... air een a lut eurve trubble, meester Ja-Fa-Keurhk". Jeremy tried to hide a chuckle at the woman's accent, and tried to stop looking at her tits. Of all the women in the world, he thought, you do not want to upset the ones who were shouting gobbledegook in your face, and backing up this gobbledegook with a big gun. They were nice tits though. On top of the left one was a symbol. Jeremy couldn't understand it, but the letters on it spelt 'S.E.R.A.'. Jeremy didn't understand that either. He looked at the woman's face and tried to talk, but he kept being put off by the gun. It was as if the gun was daring him to say 'nice tits'. Jeremy stared at the woman's face, determined not to conceed.
"Waa" continued the angry lady. "Waa air yurr lurking at maa face?"
"I'm not, i'm looking at your face" replied Jeremy who was, for those three seconds at least, completely unaware of the concept of the 'guilty conscience'. The woman was taken aback slightly, but left her gun hanging in Jeremy's direction. "Shit" spluttered Jeremy, becoming aware of his slip-up "i mean... who... why.... what the fuck?!". The woman began to speak again.
"Je suis une agent de Service des Renseignements Ariddien, et je suis pissed off avec vous."
"Come again?" replied Jeremy.
"Aaa said, that aa wurk fur ze Ariddian intollijonce, et i am pissed urf with yurr!"
"Ah" began Jeremy. "This is about Wol Eosh isn't it?". The Ariddian woman gave him a pointed look. The sort of pointed look that only french women can give properly. The sort of pointed look which causes your balls to retract so far into your skin that the uncomfortableness of the situation is matched only by the uncomfortableness of the feeling of your testicles being forced out of your arsehole. "I... i can explain". The woman sat down on the chair opposite Jeremy and relaxed, crossing her legs dangling the gun between her thighs.
"Puh-lehz" she replied, "durr".

to be continued

Bettia's focus on Nolan gets Dougood and Ijanaeil opportunities

No team has been able to stop him yet. Mike Nolan is on a tear in the opening matches of World Cup 26. With his second hattrick of the qualifying round, he has already scored 10 goals for the Vikings through four matches. But despite tons of challenges from Bettia's Nolan still had a field day on Bettian keeper Ricardo DiTorino. But with the defense stiffening up on Nolan in the second half, Brian Dougood and Siieranu Ijanaeil took advantage of the opportunities that were there and put another 3 goals past DiTorino as the Vikings had their way with Bettia en route to a 6-1 victory.

The first half of the match may have well been called the Mike Nolan show. Scoring the only three goals in the half, Nolan was basically running all around the defending trio of Geraint Carew, Gareth Coates and Jon McKinnon. With those three in disarray, Nolan put goals past in the 14th, 37th and 43rd minutes of the first half. He showed now signs of slowing down at all. But the second half it seemed that the Bettians had found their solution for stopping Nolan. With all three primary defenders guarding and watching Nolan, they seemed to forget about Ijanaeil and Dougood. Dougood scored two goals in the second half with a goal from Ijanaeil between Dougood's two scores. With that, the Vikings achieved their highest goal total in a match to date. Its not the highest for a Fmjphoenix internationally, that being heald by the Junior Vikings with a 11-3 victory over The Eagles Nest U21 squad. But the new Vikings record is a happy one, as the victory over Bettia gives Fmjphoenix a 5 point lead over Bettia in the tables. Now Fmjphoenix will continue its two game traveling trip as they head to Basicota.

Fmjphoenix: 6 - Bettia: 1
Nolan 14, 37, 43, Dougood 59, 85, Ijanaeil 66 - Hunter 49

Fmjphoenix Vikings World Cup 26 Qualification
MD01: Fmjphoenix vs Tanah Burung 2-0
MD02: Fmjphoenix @ The Ardenne 2-1
MD03: Fmjphoenix vs Da WhoseLine People 3-2
MD04: Fmjphoenix @ Bettia 6-1
MD05: Fmjphoenix @ Basicota ?-?
MD06: Fmjphoenix vs Praying2God ?-?
MD07: Fmjphoenix -=BYE=-
MD08: Fmjphoenix @ Tanah Burung ?-?
MD09: Fmjphoenix vs The Ardenne ?-?
MD10: Fmjphoenix @ Da WhoseLine People ?-?
MD11: Fmjphoenix vs Bettia ?-?
MD12: Fmjphoenix vs Basicota ?-?
MD13: Fmjphoenix @ Praying2God ?-?
MD14: Fmjphoenix -=BYE=-
Record: 4-0-0

Viking Goalscorers:
M. Nolan - 10
B. Dougood - 2
S. Ijanaeil - 1

In a newsworthy past two years, soccer has gone largely unnoticed in Legalese. While the formation of the LAFF and the announcement that the Legalese National Team would be playing in their first World Cup campaign since World Cup 23 were both taken as big news, everything to do with actually competing in tournaments did not. The Baptism of Fire had nearly no coverage, as nobody expected Legalese to actually be in it. Not even the qualifying draw and first match were even taken with more than a yawn. The home opener did draw a decent crowd, at least, but still nowhere near the approximately 80,000 seat capacity of the former Legalese National Stadium, which had been renamed Francis Park during the occupation.

What nobody expected was the scoreline that would result from that match, against group favorites Audioslavia. The result was best expressed by the headline of the Numalian Docket, the daily newspaper in the small coastal city just north of Francopolis:

What the Anathemic Republics?!!

A shocker occurred, as Legalese won a 3-1 result at home with Audioslavia. Johnnie Lobiva and Pavel Bahrain shared the scoring honors, with Lobiva opening and closing the door on the ‘slaves, while Bahrain added a penalty. All in all, it was a dominant effort, reminding many of Legalese’s other shock upset in World Cup 18 qualifying, a 5-2 win over Sarzonia, which opened Legalese National.

The buzz that circulated through the Legalese people was phenomenal. Overwhelmed by requests, Channel Sport showed the next match live, another Legalese victory, making it two in a row for the Black and Red.

Surely, things were looking up for the Legalites, now able to enjoy freedom, justice, and world class soccer.

Stars short-circuited by 'HERO'es

By all accounts, the Sarzonian national football team had nothing to be ashamed of. They played one of their best all-around games of football in the early stages of a World Cup. They controlled possession, rained shots on EL CID THE HERO, and looked like a number one ranked team in the world.

However, they failed to do one important thing: Score. The only good thing about that was goalkeeper Horace Sandt continued his unbelievable play, turning aside five shots, many of which were of the circus variety, and the Stars ended up picking up a critical point in the standings with a scoreless draw away.

"We wanted the full three points, but we have to give credit to EL CID THE HERO for playing a very strong game," Coach Barry Owens said. "They weathered the storm a little bit and we just weren't able to finish our chances. We're going to have to rebound a bit after that performance, but I have no doubt we can do that."

The Stars (3-1-0, 10 points) maintained their three point lead over EL CID THE HERO, who came into their home leg against the world's number one ranked team with six points and left with seven. However, Stars players said they had the strangest experience they ever have in a World Cup. They saw supporters of EL CID THE HERO line up outside their hotel the next morning asking for copies of the Woodstock Daily Mail, the newspaper widely considered Sarzonia's paper of record.

"There's been no media coverage of our matches at all," one supporter was reported as saying. "At least we know someone's paying attention."

"I've never seen someone come up and beg me for a newspaper, forward Brian Wilson said. "I've been with this team since AOCAF I and this is the first time that's ever happened."

In other scores of interest to Sarzonians, Dave Wilson has Hypocria in second place in Group 12 after the Hyppos demolished Hurleyland 4-1. Euroslavia played North Fenris to a 1-1 draw, Yafor 2 lost to Hiiraan 3-2, and County Islands laid waste to Apologetic Kittens 5-1.

World Cup Reporters
3 Minute Miracle!, And another Win for Hiiraan

Last Game
Hiiraan .vs. Yafor 2
Stadia di Kismayø
Score: Hiiraan 3 : Yafor 2 [2]

Hiiraan has had one the best game it could hope for yesterday. As the team went on to see loss, the team's persistent, character and maturity came in full out when they faced Yafor 2 at home in Stadia di Kismayø yesterday. "Wow, it was thrilling game, we are just lucky, and I mean lucky to even have pulled out as the winners here" said one dedicated team fan. Fans of the team went full force in downtown Kismayø yesterday. "Lets Go Hiiraan" they shouted as the fans kissed pictures of the team photo. They also carried flags of Hiiraan, as they marched, yelled and booed the hell out of the other team. "Our fans are really alive" said Zakariya Mohamed, who scored his second goal today.

As Hiiraan went on to lose, there was only 2 minutes left, and all hopes seemed lost, until the Yaforian team did what amounted a breakdown. "you could see the players were not even running anymore" said one analyst as replays of the match occured. "just watch this Yaforians, they think they won.... opps... here comes Michael Nuur, and it goes in" added the analyst, pointing out to Michael Nuur's First International Goal. "this is what I really wanted, a feeling of scoring a goal in an International competitions" said Nuur, only 18 and incredibly strong. "it really feels good winning a match at such a critical point of the game." added his friends in the team including Warsame Mohamed who showed tremoundous ability to play as a team leader and good defender. Hiiraanese Players Zakariyah Mohamed, and Sulayman Souad added 2 more goals within the last 3 minutes, giving the Hiiraanese a good, and maybe a mircale win.

The Hiiraanese now see their hopes maybe coming alive, as some say this 2 wins could propel Hiiraan to the first World Cup Finals Ever in the History of the Hiiraanese Nation, people, and their ancestors ancestor. "now if Hiiraan can hold on," said one commentator of Hiiraan most watched station "they can really create real history... History that can stand with its own two legs." he added as he left the stroy for another.

Hiiraan's next game however, is against a confident and prodominently passive players, who have shown a lot of heart and footwork. their team is stable and ready for another win after drawing to lower ranked team for the last 3 games. "We can feel their hunger, we know they want a victory... the only team they won against, Rolatia.... has been desperately looking to survive the competitions" said zakariyah Mohamed. "I think we have to do all and everything possible to tie this game and if not that, win this game, but we should lose by a decent amount if and only if we are going to lose" said Nuur too. The coach did not make any puplic comments about the game.

Next Game
Hiiraan .vs. Tutori
Stadia di Bøsasø

THE ARCHREGIMANCY BRINGS YOU

WORLD CUP TONIGHT

With Fr. Nicholas the Scribe and Fr. John the Golden-Throated


"So... Fr. John... Three games down, and we're undefeated....

"Maybe, Fr. Nicholas, but we're not winning much either. Sure, we beat Oglethorpia away, but draws against Popularfreedom and the unranked United Island Empires - both times after spotting the opposition two goals leads, well... that's just looking sloppy..."

"Highlights, Fr. John?"

"Well, the first half consists of nothing but lowlights. Despite our vastly superior possession, we couldn't convert chances into goals - if we had that low a conversion rate in other endeavours, the Slavs would still be pagans - and 34 minutes in, we paid for our lack of focus when the referee awarded a soft penalty which UIE duly turned into a goal.

Worse was to follow in the 44th minute when the UIE had their first and only corner of the first half, and duly scored while Fr. Michael the Greater - our tallest defender - was on the sidelines getting treatment for a nasty gash in his ankle.

But once again, we came out in the second half spiritually refreshed and ready for action. In the 48th minute, Fr. Silouan of the Seventy Caves scored with this screaming half-volley from the edge of the area; in the 53rd minute, Fr. Michael the Greater scored with this header off a corner, and after that only some frankly near-miraculous goalkeeping from the UIE 'keeper kept the score to 2-2"

"Well, we're certainly capable of a comeback"

"But we shouldn't have to Fr. Nicholas - we should be playing like that from the opening kick-off, not conceding two against inferior opposition and then only playing like a 38th ranked team in the second half"

"Perhaps, but in the meantime, we've had another question answered...."

"What's that, Fr. Nicholas?"

"Cataduanes... they're not heathens... they're Catholics! Read this quaint little outburst...."

On The Archregimancy comments on wether Cataduanes were heathens or not has provoke a late but strong effect among the Cataduanes governemt, whose minster for Religious affairs, Innocente De Angelo, had this to say ' to these orthodox heathens not know that there venarable Patriach of constantinople was an upstart, the See's of Jerusalem, Rome, Alexandria and Anticoh being more venrable than there's!! The senoir Orthodox patriach was a political creation for the benefit of the Eastern Roman emperors! The holy catholic faith is the true and correct christianity they are nothing but schismatics'

"Oh really, Fr. Nicholas. It beggars belief. This Innocente De Angelo character's simply so off-target I hardly know where to begin... but for what it's worth... First of all, no one seriously disputes these days that the Patriarchs of Jerusalem, Rome, Alexandria and Antioch are senior in foundation, dating back to the earliest days of the Church. But the raising of Constantinople to the second rank among the Patriarchs dates back to the Second Ecumenical Council of 381 and was further formalised by the Fourth Ecumenical Council of 451 - both councils recognised by both the Catholic and Orthodox churches - so it's been established by both Catholics and Orthodox for some 1600 years that primacy of foundation doesn't necessarily immediately equate with primacy of honour. After all, if it did, the Patriarch of Jerusalem - which is the oldest of all the sees - would be the head of both the Orthodox and Catholic churches. Secondly, Mr. De Angelo confuses the role of the Patriarch of Constantinople with the role of Pope of Rome. Unlike the Pope, who claims not only a primacy of honour, but also a primacy of doctrine and monarchial precedence over all bishops, the Patriarch of Constantinople merely has a primacy of honour - he's primus inter pares (we'll assume Mr. De Angelo speaks Latin) rather than the infallible source of church doctrine. And anyway, the Patriarchs of Alexandria, Jerusalem and Antioch _are_ Orthodox, not Catholic, so I can't see why Mr. De Angelo is using Orthodox bishops to help substantiate an invalid Catholic point. For what it's worth, The Holy Synod of the Archregimancy is under the jurisdiction of the Patriarch of Alasdairopolis in the Holy Empire of Alasdair I Frosticus. Finally, the Orthodox Church aren't the schismatics here. When Cardinal Humbert - who has previously played as a midfielder for the Anathematic Republics, so is very definitely in Hell - slapped the Papal Anathema on the altar of Hagia Sophia in 1054, he did so with no Papal authority whatsoever. Poor Pope Leo IX had died _before_ Cardinal Humbert 'excommunicated' the Orthodox Church, so not only was he exceeding his authority, but by the Catholic Church's own canon law, Cardinal Humbert's 'Papal Bull' was invalid. On top of that, I think you'll find that it wasn't the Orthodox Church that was running around unilaterally adding words to the Nicene Creed in direct contravention of an existing Ecumenical Council or changing the authority of a single bishop (the Pope of Rome) without recourse to an Ecumenical Council. No, it's the Catholics who slipped away from the one true church, thank you very much, and furthermore did so in direct contravention of their own church laws. And let's not even get into the events of 1204 and the Fourth Crusade. The sum of which is that while we're glad to hear that Cataduanes aren't heathens or pagans, maybe the schismatics should do a little research before making wild unsubstantiated accusations"

"Wow - Fr. John - that was quite some rant."

"Well, I wasn't going to let that go unanswered, Fr. Nicholas."

"That doesn't really leave much time to discuss the Anathematic Republics controversy..."

"Well, since it now turns out that not only are Cuation expressing sympathy for Satan, but are openly accusing us of planning to cheat - monks! cheating! - and furthermore it turns out they have anti-Religion laws in their nation, I think Ariddia's looking better than ever, quite frankly"

http://i16.photobucket.com/albums/b20/Casari/4sport.png

For once, we're happy to get a tie
Now we need some firking wins

The weather held out until now, but there was a driving rain today as the players took their first steps out onto the soggy pitch from the West Tunnel. From the top of the stands, cameras had some problems seeing the stands on the far side, but the deafening sound eminating from the stands made it more than clear that the fans had the stadium filled to capacity at 102,896.

The rain lightened up throughout the match, but after conceding the early goal, Casari was focused on holding off a strong attack by Turori's offense, limiting their chances to what they could make on the counterattack until halftime.

When they took the field again, Mike Newberry was again subbed off in favor of the lone striker from Shelby FC, Edward Roe. As the attacks on the net continued, only some masterful goaltending by Rooney prevented what should have been a clear goal in the 57th minute. Finally, the continued counterattacks by the Casaran offense converted a goal in the 66th minute on a string of passes, culminating in a pass from Roe to Ronalo, who hit the corner of the net to even the score.

The game ended at the same score, ending the team's third 1-1 game in a row. At least, in the team's favor, this one is one that they can be actually proud of.

"We were lucky to get away with the score we did. Another 10 minutes and we would have lost. The defense was spent and on it's last legs, and one final push would have finished us off." Coach Hill said in the post-match press confrences. "We pulled even on a chance that almost didn't develop and on a shot that had to have grazed the post. We were luckier than we ever really had any right to be. Then again, luck always seems to give us that little boost in these things."

On the topic of the upcoming schedule: "Our schedule definately gets easier from here. Coming up we have Rolatia Away, our Bye, and then Hiiraan at home to end the first leg of qualifying. Then we build up again, with 4 away matched, including the matches away to Yafor 2 and Turori, which we will definately have to be our best for. We're building up for another run through the gauntlet. But now, we need a few days off to recover and get ready for a match we should by all rights win."

On Hiiraan, Turori's next opponents: "Hiiraan played spoiler already with their shock win over Yafor 2. Hopefully, they can do the same for Turori and take a tie. Then Turori and Yafor 2 play while we're off on bye. The group is developing well at this point, but a 1-3-0=6 record still has most of us on the edge."

On still being Undefeated: "We outlasted Bedistan this year, and they went all of qualifying without a lot. We're improving as a squad, our harmony is better, and we're resisting some strong attacks from our opponents. As long as we continue to this, we should carry on."

Casari leaves the nation to visit Rolatia Away next. Hopefully we can get the full 3 points from the meeting.

I cant even beat a squad ranked a hundred levles lower. Why even bother with the RP :headbang:

PUBLISHING BAN ORDERED ON WC XXVI REPORTS
Government Frustrated at Extremely Poor Play

The Praying2God government issued a ban on publishing any reports from WC XXVI until the team's play improved. They cited the need to protect the mental state of the nation as the cause for the ban. It is unclear when this ban will be lifted.


OOC: This is my rant over my team's poor play, plus RL getting in the way of me having much time to RP because classes resumed for me this week.

Another Own Goal!
Episode 4: Nezza Dances Below Revolution

Oh, come on, we don’t have to keep reminding you how the setting looks every episode do we? But for the benefit of new readers…it is dark.

“…and the Zucchinis have done enough to secure the result here, Bardi’s brilliant through pass lashed into the Nezza net within the first minute by the on fire Johann Rilke, while Chekhov doubled the scoreline with a long range piledriver only 3 minutes after that. Since then, Nezza made some tactical changes and started to cause the Zucchinis some problems, but Brugghen did well in his first match for the national side, even though his clearing header was met by a sweet volley into the top corner that even Laredo, who was having a wonderful match in goal, was unable to stop. Gorton brought in Ferrero to sure up the defence, and the Zucchinis managed to hold on for a win that takes them up to 3rd and at a touching distance from Eauz…”

To be continued…


Giant Zucchini’s Department of Number Crunching and Data Spewing presents:

Match stats:

Nezza - 1
(53)

Giant Zucchini – 1
Rilke (1), Chekhov (4)

Yellow Cards:
Nezza player (34)
Poulsen (48)
Boyer (68)


Giant Zucchini stats:

Top Goalscorers:
Johann Rilke – 4
Absamat Chekhov – 2
Armand Boyer - 1

Yellow Cards:
Dino Nuvolari – 1
Domingo Ferrero – 1
Armand Boyer – 1
Gottlieb Poulsen – 1

Red Cards:
Mikhail Glinka – 1

World Cup 26 News

Goals, Goals and more Goals


After the controversy surrounding the national side’s kit deal with Ediraf and the debacle of the twice played System Karela match the fans were hoping for some good news from the trip to Oaker. It wasn’t going to happen.

Shark Bait

It’s fair to say that Hypocria’s national coach Dave Wilson had not been happy after the Karela affair but when the final whistle blew in Oaker someone looking closely may have been able to see steam coming out of the Sarzonian’s ears. His side weren’t just beaten they were hammered, slaughtered, put to the sword and hit for six.

Oaker 6 - 0 Hypocria

I think we’ll draw a veil over the events of matchday 3. Needless to say the Hyppos were second best from beginning to end and suffered their heaviest defeat ever. Ironically it replaces the 5 - 1 defeat in Giant Zucchini in the second match of the last qualification campaign. The coach made his thoughts plain and clear after that huge defeat to a not exactly in-form Shark’s side and kept his players locked in the away team’s dressing room for over an hour after the match while he pointed out their failings.

Hyppos Stomp Hurleyland

After the Oaker choker Wilson promised widespread changes and the veteran coach was true to his word as his side took to the field with six new faces, three of them debutants.

West


Bercali Molinari




Jenas Beria



Baxter




Espartero Diabang
Nalepka Kreska


Derevko


A match against a team ranked in the 200s was just the tonic needed for players and fans alike and Hypocria’s finest duly got their campaign back on track with all three points. Spruitland based striker Danny West celebrated his return to the side with two goals in the first twenty minutes. Although the home team halved the deficit soon after Robert Bercali made it 3 - 1 in the 42nd minute with his tenth international goal. In the second half centreback Sergey Kreska powered home a header from Baxter’s corner to complete the win.

Hurleyland 1 - 4 Hypocria

Strangely, considering the 6 - 0 defeat to our name, that win moved the Hyppos into second place in Group 12. Top seeds One Red Dot have started to pull away from the rest after a 3 - 2 win in Oaker. System Karela got their first win, 1 - 0 over Palacetonia, to move above Majeristan, who had the day off, into fourth.
Region 12 Pts W D L GF:GA GD
1. One Red Dot 10 3 1 0 8:3 5
2. Hypocria 6 2 0 1 5:7 -2
3. Oaker 5 1 2 1 9:4 5
4. System Karela 5 1 2 1 1:1 0
5. Majeristan 4 1 1 1 3:4 -1
6. Hurleyland 3 1 0 2 4:7 -3
7. Palacetonia 0 0 0 3 2:6 -4
The Hyppos are now halfway through a run of four away games in a row. Next up is a tricky trip to the home of the Majeristan Falcons followed by a tough fixture against group leaders One Red Dot.

Qualification Schedule


Hypocria v System Karela (Oceanside Stadium, Pylos) (1 - 0)
Bye
Oaker v Hypocria (6 - 0)
Hurleyland v Hypocria (1 - 4)
Majeristan v Hypocria
One Red Dot v Hypocria
Hypocria v Palacetonia (Drissa Sports Arena, Drissa)
System Karela v Hypocria
Bye
Hypocria v Oaker (Hyppodrome, Hypocrium)
Hypocria v Hurleyland (Oceanside Stadium, Pylos)
Hypocria v Majeristan (Hyppodrome, Hypocrium)
Hypocria v One Red Dot (Hyppodrome, Hypocrium)
Palacetonia v Hypocria

The story of Kaze Progressa's 2-1 defeat to Rejistania ran deeper than the result, which was actually better than expected; two goals from young midfielder Sejil Daki early in the second half killed the game but an 87th-minute penalty from Olog after a foul from Simi~ll Viki made sure that there was at least some excitement late on.

The real story came in the TV ratings.

The same fixture in WC24 qualifying was watched by 65.8% of the population with an audience share of 89.2%. The WC18 final between the two teams drew a record 96.8%, audience share 99.1%. This match drew just 42.4% of the population with an audience share of 63.5%; both figures are the lowest for a Progressan international match since the civil war. Worse, it wasn't even the most watched programme of the day - that distinction fell to the first in a new series of Deal or No Deal that, helped by a huge increase to the prize fund - a top prize of K10m (US$7.26m, 29.68m NSWC Signup Votes) and seven prizes of K1m or more - attracted 47.1% of the population with an audience share of a massive 78.1%, equating to over 200 million more people watching Deal or No Deal. It is the first time since WC20 that a competitive Progressan international match has not been the most-watched transmission that day.

Progressan Television Stats of The Day

Kaze Progressa v Rejistania, 6:30pm-9pm KT (kickoff: 7pm KT):
Average audience: 2132m (42.4% of population).
Audience share: 63.5% (3357m people were watching TV at this time)
Result: Kaze Progressa 1 (Olog pen 87) Rejistania 2 (Daki 50, 54)

Deal or No Deal, 9pm-10pm KT:
Average audience: 2369m (47.1% of population)
Audience share: 78.1% (3033m people were watching TV at this time)
Result: Carkavae Jaurzik wins K1,200,000 (deal with eight cases left; player's case contained K75,000; peak offer K3,000,000 (after deal))

Cuation held by White Shirts

Cuation entered this game on a high, having beaten Kaze Progressa 4-1, people had been expecting a rout. However Cuation had only faced strong teams, this was to be the first weak team they faced in the group. In the end, Cuation where thankful for the point as they dominated possession but struggled to create chances.

Giovanni and Ashton where marked out of the game, leaving Peter Tanner stranded as he tried to create trouble for the Whiter Shirts defence. Indeed it was Cuation's defence that looked the weakest with Gary Jens forced into many saves, the best being an acrobatic tip over from Paul Chamberlain's mishit cross.

Manager Jude would bring on Rio, Rual and Stevie but the only chance Cuation really created was when a Rio long ball found Rual Mendiz in space. Racing clear, he went round keeper Graham Herd but hit the side netting with his shot.

The next match is against Schiavonia, a very promising side who will look to gain a win and take second place. This is certainly a big match and one where Schiavonia are favourites. Schiavonia have benefited from being in a relative weak group but they are a very good side who will make an impact in the World Cup for years to come.

Sea Dragons curse gets worse

Last time, they lost 2-1 in most matches, now they are losing 3-1. A better side then Cuation, nobody is sure why they are failing to do better. Maybe somebody has cursed them! Is there a witchdoctor willing to help the Sea Dragons?

"Well, since it now turns out that not only are Cuation expressing sympathy for Satan, but are openly accusing us of planning to cheat - monks! cheating! - and furthermore it turns out they have anti-Religion laws in their nation, I think Ariddia's looking better than ever, quite frankly"

The government’s response seems to have been a collective shrug though one person did comment "Do they expect us to believe they won't leave Holy Water everywhere and thus deny Anathematic Republics support? It doesn't have to be water, who knows what evil those sneaky monks have up their sleeves? Remove the big twig from your own nose before you comment on someone’s contact lenses or whatever that phrase is.”

Kittens Slip to Successive Defeats as World Cup Hope Falters

The Kittens first lost to Sarzonia. This was an expected result, with Sarzonia being arguably the top team in the world, certainly in the top three. But the Kittens fought hard for the match, and came away relatively lucky with a 2-0 loss. It was even printed by a certain Sarzonian journalist that the Kittens were the better side for stretches of the game.

But that spirit died in the next match. Playing a much weaker opponent, Alington all but invited the ball into his net. Gronkos late goal wasn't even really a consolation. 5-1 the final scoreline there, and the Kittens should feel miserable.

Jeruselem Government News

TIGERS ROAR!

World Cup 26 - Jeruselem played Tadjikistan in Group 15 today. Unfortunately, the tigers do what they normally do - maul other teams. We lost 2-5 to a superior team but somehow stayed 2nd in Group 15. Playing top 10 teams isn't much fun when they are in peak and well that was today. Jeruselem a spend force?

No, as Jeruselem on record always lose some early game and come good late when they need to be good. Look at Milchama. Bad start but doing well of late. The others apart from Tadjikistan have been less than consistent so far.

Milchama continued their form with a closer than expected win. They beat McPsychoville 4-3 to move up the table to a place they should be - 3rd. McPsychoville played well, but the team which beat Jeruselem earlier was not to be denied.

Rordia have hit the skids too. They manages a 2 ALL draw with Race City who were 3rd but have slipped backed to 4th. Rordia fall back to 4th as well. For these teams, this was great time to get a win but didn't happen today.

Artoonia had the bye and stay last for now.

Hockey Canada had the top 10 blues as well. Krytenia beat them 2-1 in a game worth watching. Losing to Krytenia is no shame. Krytenia are a team who should make the next round apart from a distaster happening. Hockey Canada should do this too, they are a good team at football and the sport using curved stick used to beat each other up.

Poor old Lions, not much luck. What about today? Nedalia BEAT Squornshelous 1-0, no joke. Hopefully, this will start them up and get them into a winning run. Last world cup, Nedalia had a bad habit of losing to lower teams. Things better change this time around.

Group 2
Hockey Canada 1 Krytenia 2
FSX 1 The Weegies 0
Fbrenia 0 Spaam 2

Group 9
Nedalia 1 Squornshelous 0
Collonie 2 Harlesburg 1
Wentland 0 Nanakaland 2

Group 15
Jeruselem 2 Tadjikistan 5
McPsychoville 3 Milchama 4
Race City 2 Rordia 2


Region 15 Pts W D L GF:GA GD
1. Tadjikistan 10 3 1 0 12:4 8
2. Jeruselem 6 2 0 2 12:10 2
3. Milchama 6 2 0 1 9:10 -1
4. Rordia 4 1 1 2 11:12 -1
Race City 4 1 1 1 5:6 -1
6. McPsychoville 3 1 0 2 6:8 -2
7. Artoonia 1 0 1 2 3:8 -5

Lord Mountevans Philosophy Cup, Second Quarter-Final, transcript.

Gissing (Portdean, nihilist, 21-6-8) v Swate (Crowhurst, deist, 18-9-8). Moderator: Melville (Colshire PA); referee: Kinnaird (Bellstead PA).

Topic: Sack Bluff?

G: …the result does not matter because the players do not exist. The goals do not exist, the result does not exist. One only considers it exists because one’s stimuli suggest that there were two goals conceded. One perceived the attacks, one perceived the shots, one perceived the net ripple, one perceived a blast from the whistle. Or at least one thought one perceived them. One’s decision on the Bluff sacking is irrelevant, the decision makers do not exist, Bluff does not exist. The World Cup does not exist.

S: Obviously my position is that it is axiomatic, to a degree, that stimuli represent real events. It is neither provable nor disprovable…

M: Swate – offside.

S:…and as I was going to say that is not the debate here. My perspective is that the result was, if not pre-ordained, at least affected by events entirely outside the control of Bluff. There is some evidence to support this position.

M: Gissing – your argument must be based on the position that the evidence is real, unless you can demonstrate that it does not.

G: This puts me at a disadvantage as empiric proof is impossible, unless one takes a thought experiment as as valid as a physical one. But one is willing to appreciate the arguments put forward by the entity that my brain considers to be Swate.

Laughter

M: Quiet please.

S: The press release from Andossa Se Mitrin Vega. That was mysterious. What can it mean? “I cant even beat a squad ranked a hundred levles lower. Why even bother with the RP” followed by an image of an anthropomorphized orange self-chastizing against a wall. What is this RP?

G: Received pronunciation. The Andossans have had problems with talking back to referees.

S: No, I think it means “release of press”. There is a definite pattern in Worlds Cup.

Voice from audience: Grammar?

S: Ah, well done, sir. I wondered who would be the first to spot that.

Laughter

S: The pattern in, er, World Cups is that press releases form a major part in how performance is rated. But the system has entirely broken down to a degree.

G: One is intrigued. Explain.

S: The Andossians are annoyed that despite some impressive press releasing they have zero points to date. Even fewer than ourselves. We seem to be a victim along the same lines. Despite some press releasing we have not been able to beat the one team below us in the world rankings – and they have not released AT ALL. Yet that team has seven points.

G: One must point out that one’s country has faced impressive teams in form. Harlesburg, for example, have played fairly poorly and one has not faced them yet.

S: But you look at the performance of Collonie. One release – with their team – and they get a 5-1 AWAY WIN. How on Went has that worked? The Bazalopes get a point against Squornshelous, we get a 5-0 defeat. Is that entirely due to Bluff? How else does one explain the extraordinary quote from the referee yesterday, when we should have had a clear penalty, but he said “scorinator says no”? What is this Scorinator? If not a higher power?

Applause.

S: This Scorinator has overall control of the World Cup. Bluff is a mere cipher.

G: So Bluff is a non-existent figurehead?

Applause.

G: One cannot from one’s basic premise of nothing existing, but if the referee believed that nothing exists, the handball did not exist and the penalty could not exist. Clearly his philosophy failed him when it came to awarding the goals to Nanakaland.

Laughter.

G: Having said that, there are no pictures of the incident. There are no pictures of the match. There are no pictures of any match. Has anyone ever been to these places? Has anyone ever seen Harlesburg? Thergo? Yafor 2? They do not appear on the things people choose to call maps. One has serious doubts about this.

M: We are not here to debate the existence of Harlesburg.

Laughter

S: No, the way they’ve played there would be no debate.

Uproarious laughter

M: The clock has ticked to red, so we move on to part 2 of the debate – Port Vale. Yes or no?

K: Scores: Gissing one-zero, Swate one-two.

S punches air. Audience oohs.

"Well..." began Jeremy. "Theres this law, y'see, in Audioslavia, and it says that nobody in the country should have a name beginning with W..."
"Wat aa stuyurrpid law!" cried the woman, visibly taken aback by Jeremy's words.
"No no, thats only half of it. Also, if that person has a name beginning with W and too many vowels in their name, then they have to be imprisoned for a week. Audioslavian law. Its been around for years". Jeremy seemed happy with this explanation. He expected the woman to take it sportingly, and agree to put the gun away, leave his office, and possibly send someone to fix the door she'd kicked down. Jeremy thought this, because he is stupid.
"Wat aa stuturrpid law!" repeated the woman. "Herh cen yur be sirius? Would yurr traa to arrest me?"
"No, no of course not"
"Yurr want to knurr ma nehm?"
"No"
"Wat?"
"I mean yes, yes, tell me your name"
"Maa nehm... is Wien Jaeger". Jeremy did some maths in his head and got the answer 'Fred', so he got his calculator out.
"Thats... that contravenes W-vowel-law!"
"Aaa" said the Wien "nurr it does. Surr... aa yurr gaween tur arrest me?" Jeremy nervously looked at the gun. This wasn't in his job description, although neither was arresting people.
"No... no i'm not". The woman smiled for the first time in the conversation.
"Surr if yurr air nut gaween tur arrest me, aa suggest that yurr set Mme. Eosh free. Pick up ze furne meester Jaf-Ur-Kerhk"
"I'm sorry?" asked Jeremy.
"Ze furne meester Jeremy! Ze furne! Ze thing yurr mek ze furne-calls on!"
"Ah, oh yes, of course... i'll ring the kennel, i mean quarantine, i mean... immigration people". Jeremy was feeing flustered now. This wasn't how Monday mornings were meant to be. He should be drinking coffee and trying to do the Araucaria crossword, not being subterfuge-man. He dialled a number into the phone and made the necessary arrangements. Wol Eosh was to be given a ticket to the first plane back to Ariddia. Wien Jaeger listened to Jeremy's every word, and so did not see Jeremy's secretary, Jennifer, round the corner with a cup coffee.
"Your usual coffee Mr. Jaffac... oh... hello...". Jennifer offered Wien a smile. Wien offered the barrell of her pistol to Jennifer. For a millisecond, Jennifer contemplated how this wasn't really a fair swap, before panicking and screaming.
"Jennifer!" shouted Jeremy. "Quieten down, i'm on the phone. The situation is under control". Jennifer stared at Wien, mouth open, eyes wide.
"Put ze coffee down yurr stuyurrpid tahrt" ordered Wien. Jennifer obliged, setting it down on the floor. "Now" continued Wien. "Bring me ze sugure and ze meelk, and be quick". Jeremy gave Wien an evil glance. Wien looked nonplussed.
"Asaad from setteeng ma compatriot free, zis ees ze least yurr can durr". Jeremy continued with his phone conversation.
"I don't care what i said yesterday, i want Wol Eosh deported to Ariddia. NOT WEST ARIDDIA, Ariddia, the Pudsruh of Ariddia. The Pudsruh of Ariddia you idiot!"
"Eet ees jurst 'PDSR'" corrected Wien. "Not," she continued, "Puhdsuruhuh".
"OK OK the PDSR of Ariddia, just do it Kenneth, i'll explain later". He hung up. Jennifer brought some milk and sugar to Wien, and quickly left the room, closing the door behind her and walking to her computer to type up her notice. This wasn't in her job description either. Back in the office, Jeremy was looking back at Wien.
"How did you get here? I mean, its only been a day, how did you get all the way from Ariddia to here?".
"I leev at ze embassy d'Aridde. I am ze special agent d'Audioslavie. Queekness ees a virtue. I found your house and followed yurr here. Was, how yur say, 'ze eesy like ze peas". With that, she got up and left, taking Jeremy's coffee, and Jeremy's favourite coffee mug, with her.
"What a fucking day..."

Michael Ford: "Uh... why's there no report in the Schiavone Scribe about Schiavonia's matchday four game?"

Rodney Lowe: "We didn't have one, sir. It was what thay call a 'bye day'."

Ford: "Why not? All the other teams in the group played, so why didn't we?"

Lowe: "Sir, if all the other teams in the group played, then there is nobody left for us to play."

Ford: "Well surely you could have organised a friendly game or something."

Lowe: "Sir, that is your job. My job is to run the team, yours is the administradooda side."

Ford: "The what side?"

Lowe: "Oh, you know I have trouble with long words sometimes!"

Ford: "OK. So shall I organise you a friendly game for the next time we have a 'bye day'?"

Lowe: "Could be a good idea, yes."

Ford: "Now, who do you want to play against? Sarzonia? Bedistan?"

Lowe: "Sir, they all have qualifiers on our bye day. The other teams who have a bye day will all be around our level."

Ford: "Oh."

Lowe: "Look at the list of games last night. Any team not playing then won't be playing next time either."

Ford: "OK. Well, I'll read them out, and any you say yes to, we'll see if we can manage. OK, Star Signs."

Lowe: "Never believed in that astrology rubbish, so no."

Ford: "Northern Voobaha?"

Lowe: "Maybe. I'd rather play Southern Voobaha, though. Give them a chance to show their northern neighbours what they can do."

Ford: "OK. I'll see if they have a team. Errinundera."

Lowe: "This isn't World Cup 7!"

Ford: "Schiavonia."

Lowe: "Sir, that's us."

Ford: "Oh yes... right, well... Gruenberg?"

Lowe: "Possibly."

Ford: "The Kazoo Peoples?"

Lowe: "Oh, definately ask them!"

Ford: "OK, now we're getting somewhere! Southern Universe?"

Lowe: "Again, see if Northern Universe are available. They just don't seem to get the same publicity."

Ford: "OK, East Lithuania?"

Lowe: "Played them before."

Ford: "Bazalonia?"

Lowe: "Yes."

Ford: "Legalese?"

Lowe: "Yes."

Ford: "Anathematic Republics?"

Lowe: "I can't even say their name!"

Ford: "We can sill go there, though."

Lowe: "Well, you go if you want, but you can go to hell if you think that I'm coming with you."

Ford: "Fair enough. Majeristan?"

Lowe: "Yes."

Ford: "Amorah?"

Lowe: "Um... no."

Ford: "The Ardenne?"

Lowe: "Played them already."

Ford: "And Artoonia."

Lowe: "Aren't they the team that enter every few cups but never seem to get a decent ranking?"

Ford: "That's the ones."

Lowe: "Well, no. Too mysterious."

Ford: "Well, that's the lot. So we'll ask Southern Voobaha, The Kazoo Peoples, Northern Universe, Bazalonia, Legalese and Majeristan."

Lowe: "OK."

Ford: "Right, I'll see what I can do for you!"

I cant even beat a squad ranked a hundred levles lower. Why even bother with the RP :headbang:
Personally I'd say: dont give up yet. The main reason you should be RPing is because you like it and or the World Cup, not because you can 'gain' from it. Lets remember that its only a textbased game.
I'll never win the World Cup, as a matter of fact i've never won anything (I got close to winning a Cup of Harmony once but Kylaai(someone who doesnt RP much) beat me in the final) but I'm just staying around anyway, to work on the nerves of those who can actually reach the finals.

Hm this should be in the discussion thread! bah, nobody reads it anyway.

And there comes the surprise

Tadjiks have their bad moments in every World Cup but usually manage to crawl through that minefield that we call a region or group. The amazing part of the whole show is that Tadjiks often do well against higherranked teams and fail to impress against lowerranked ones. Artoonia on Matchday 2 was a problem for the Tigers, barely getting away with a single point from a tie.

So everyone is afraid of what should happen when the Tigers go to a nation thats ranked high, like Jeruselem. Well, the Tigers came out victorious, snatching the three points from under the Crusaders noses with a somewhat special 2-5 score. We dont think Mr Hiddink enjoyed it.

An excellent score that pushes Tadjikistan a bit further away from the numbers two Jeruselem and Milchama. The current table shows a favorable situation for the Tadjiks but we must remind the viewers that Milchama played only three matches so far and has the opportunity to catch up with the Tigers.

The Milchamans go to Artoonia, which shouldnt give them to much trouble while the Tadjiks visit McPsychoville, the newcomers on the World Cup who (much against the expectations) already managed to win a match. The Tadjiks absolutely want to win this one so they'll be in the safe zone when Milchama visits Dushanbe on Matchday six. In the meantime we'll also have to watch Jeruselem as it plays against Race City and McPsychoville.

Jeruselem -2
Harry Kool '28, Richard Chainey '70
Tadjikistan -5
Oleg Salenko '32 '68, Michael Pliiev '39, Saidomir Saradov '63, Lavr Kornilov '88

Fixtures:
MD1: Tadjikistan - Race City W 3-0
MD2: Artoonia - Tadjikistan D 1-1
MD3: Tadjikistan - Rordia W 3-1
MD4: Jeruselem - Tadjikistan W 2-5
MD5: McPsychoville - Tadjikistan
MD6: Tadjikistan - Milchama
MD7: /
MD8: Race City - Tadjikistan
MD9: Tadjikistan - Artoonia
MD10:Rordia - Tadjikistan
MD11:Tadjikistan - Jeruselem
MD12:Tadjikistan - McPsychoville
MD13:Milchama - Tadjikistan
MD14:/

Tadjik goalscorers:
Salenko - 4
Saradov - 3
Zuhurov - 2
Ashurov - 1
Pliiev - 1
Kornilov - 1

The System Karelan Defender of Truth:

Karpa Does the Unthinkable!

The match against Palacetonia had a result, which shocked Karelans all over the world, especially of course in the Karelan Haditera of System Karela: The Karelans did not concede, but despite that, the match did not end scoreless. Reporters in System Karela had to look into the dictionaries to name this incident. But apparently Boris Karpa scored against Palacetonia. Scoring is a term for making the other team concede. We can not really say that Palacetonia conceded and point out the weakness of their defense because that would imply we side with them and want them to improve. This match did however show the superiority of the (System-)Karelan defense: The Pressing did never give the Palacetonians any chance to speak of. Scott Antar and the defense, which only consisted of 4 players, however was so shocked when the Defenders counter-attacked, that they did not react adequately. Orson Kent was the most remarkable defender of the Defenders. Monk Kana later told the press it was good that the 'incident' happened in an away game since home games would have problems displaying this fact.

Elrich dance to Victory

Dance 2 Revolution 0 - 2 The Kingdom of Elrich

The Kingdom of Elrich finally got off the bottom of Group 13 earlier today with a comfortable 2-0 win at the expense of Dance2Revolution. A near post header from Elrich and a Jamie Mudge strike, his second in consecutive games, handed under-pressure boss Mike Bassett three precious points.

The changed Elrichian side, following the 2-1 defeat against Eauz, lined up in their familiar 4-4-2 formation, with the unpopular Wolfman, Zebedee and Barry Scott dropping to the bench, replaced by Richard Hodgins, Cornelius Cucumber and debutant Jeremiah. And it was in the from Jeremiah's pacy left-wing cross that in the 10th minute Elrich rose like a salmon to suede home past goalkeeper Mitnav. Naoki Maeda's side although passionate and hard-working never really troubled the Elrichian defense and it was no surprise when Mudge ran onto a Hodgins through ball to double the Badger's advantage before the break.

The second half was an instantly forgettable affair, with Elrich happy to hold onto the lead and Dance2Revolution posing little threat.

This result releives some of the mounting pressure on Bassett.

Final Score - D2R 0 - 2 Elrich

Ariddia celebrates away victory

Everything seemed to be back in order as the Rouge-et-Noirs travelled to Thergo for their fourth match in the World Cup. West Ariddian-born midfielder Wol Eosh had been released from Audioslavian quarantine in time to train and take part, and coach Adam Seul had announced she would be among the scheduled starting eleven.

“She doesn’t want to talk about her ordeal,” Seul informed the press firmly. “She’s just glad to have been reunited with her friends and family.”

Rumours that West Ariddia had requested Ms. Eosh be detained by the Audioslavian authorities have recently been confirmed by the PDSRA government, which described the incident as “disgraceful”.

“The courts are trying to determine whether this should be considered a case of attempted kidnapping,” a government spokesman announced. “If it was, then we will be asking the judiciary whether this constitutes grounds to permanently reject the extradition request still lodged by West Ariddia against Ms. Eosh.”

Also, the Ariddian Football Association is angrily denying reports leaked by the Audioslavian media, whereby Ariddian coach Adam Seul had indulged in a creative interpretation of the ulek with a group of strippers. The AFA called the allegations “absolute rubbish,” and Seul declined to comment.

The team arrived in the little-known nation of Thergo, and seemed in good spirits when they walked onto the field. The players held one another by the shoulders in solidarity as the Ariddian anthem, Dream, was played, then performed the ulek, as expected by the excited Ariddian supporters in the stadium.

Substitute goalkeeper Ludovic Hue was fielded at the start of the match, a rare occurrence, but Seul insisted they would not underestimate their opponents.

“Every match is a challenge,” he said.

The game began with Ariddia pressing Thergo’s defences hard from the very start, and possession of the ball was mostly Ariddian in the opening minutes, culminating with a goal by team captain Ue Alt in the tenth minute. It was followed up by E Lel scoring in the twenty-second minute, giving Ariddia a 2-0 lead.

Things started to get tricky with a corner kick for Thergo in the twenty-eighth, when Hue was only just able to deflect a shot over the crossbar, conceding another corner kick in the process. After several shots on goal deflected mainly by Hue or al Jahdali, the Thergans finally broke through the Ariddian defences, and scored a first goal in the thirty-ninth minute.

The PDSRA side maintained the same eleven for the second half, which seemed more balanced for about ten minutes, until the Rouge-et-Noirs began dominating both possession of the ball and attack once more. Nonetheless, an error in defence led to an equaliser for Thergo in the fifty-eighth minute. The Ariddians rallied, determined not to finish the match on a draw, and a barrage of aggressive playing saw successive goals by Clément, Eosh, then Clément again to round it off at 5-2 six minutes before the end of the match.

The usually loquacious Clément discreetly slipped away without talking to journalists after the match, leaving a beaming team mate Wol Eosh in the limelight.

“I’m absolutely delighted!” the eighteen-year-old gushed, making no reference to her earlier detention in Audioslavia. “I couldn’t have dreamt of a better way to start my career on the national team. I’m really happy to have been here tonight, and to have done my little bit to help my team mates win this match.”

Matchday five will be a BYE-day for Ariddia, hopefully enabling the team to take on Havl well rested and prepared.

“So, gentlemen, where shall we host Nedalia?”

Wentland was not exactly blessed with major international stadia. In fact, the Warpstone ground was the only one which could hold its own on the world level, so it was the favourite to hold the second match; but some members of the Wentland FA considered it too parochial to have two matches in the Warplands and wanted to spread matches around Wentland.

So discussion spread around the other major cities. Until a council member suggested a particular ground in a particular city. The other FA members scoffed at the idea, until they thought through the logic.

“Instead of showing off, let’s bring them to a hellhole, an area where we can intimidate them into submission. The Warplands stadium is all well and good, but our players were probably just as inspired as the Nanaka ones. Let’s try to frighten them.”

After some discussion, a smile spread around the lips of the FA chairman. “Gentlemen, I think we’re off to Rock Road.”

*****

Alumgreen! The very name sent a shiver down most football lovers’ spines. The ultra-tough working class centre of Bellstead was notorious for its narrow streets, rat-runs, passages, labyrinthine alleyways and fist-fights. The former red light district of Bellstead was, well, all of it. The city had grown around the mineral deposits found there many moons ago and all mined out long since.

In fact, it was the mining out of the minerals that led to the founding of the club back in 1872, by the well-meaning Reverend Timothy Farthing on behalf of the Society for the Provision of Poor Relief in order to channel excess aggression and the team was nicknamed The Orphans. Their strip in alum-white and green-, er, green quarters was run up by the vicar’s wife. He was somewhat surprised when his chosen eleven brawled their way in the local cup competitions and provided a fearsome reputation. He was even more surprised when, in 1878, they strong-armed their way to the WFA Cup final. Until then the Cup had been dominated by the old-school amateurs of the gentler passing game, and no-one gave them much of a chance against Cup holders Orielenses, but a barge from Henry Farmer on goalkeeper Winkfield saw the Cup come to Bellstead for the first time.

However, as the game turned professional, Alumgreen was always in the shadow of their dominant neighbours Great Bellstead, winner of half-a-dozen championships in the 20s and 30s, whilst Alumgreen took up a near-permanent position towards the bottom of the Second Division. And how could they gain more support? Tied in to a recessional city centre, with no glory-hunters wishing to tag along, and indeed a district fearsome in its suspicion of outsiders, the club subsisted on the occasional Cup run, its generally excellent home form and the odd one-off top flight season. As it stands, they have been stuck in the Second Division for 45 years and, until last year, no chance of promotion – and no Cup wins since 1906. Only now has the club found a genuine talent by the name of Frankie Treves and promotion is being considered a real possibility.

But one of the problems they face is their ground. Rock Road is an extraordinary structure, in the sense that the duck-billed platypus is an extraordinary mammal. Architectural writer Simon Wintish once described it as a ground “where the scaffolding had been erected, but the builders forgot to build the stadium.” Hemmed in on all sides by dense slum housing, and now by dense towerblocks, the ground developed piecemeal around 4 very strained grandstands, all brick, stone and corrugated iron roof. The stands resembled nothing so much as cells, a giant Celebrity Squares, with ten boxes along the bottom on the sides and five across the ends, each of which had enough width to allow twenty people standing per row and enough depth to allow maybe 4 or 5 rows of baying supporters, squashed behind criss-cross metal fencing along the front. Seats? For sissies.

That in itself was unusual. But what really caused the terror and intimidation to opposing teams was the vertiginous rise of the stands. Six rows of boxes, stacked atop the other, and the boxes themselves literally inches from the pitch and the sound echoed around with no escape route except on the pitch. Those in the top boxes were the elite of the Alumgreen fans, The Board. Co-ordinating chants and abuse from their brethren below they could pour vitriol from almost literally on top of the pitch. And the dizzying sight from a player’s touchline view of fans straight up and peering down was not one that players wanted to experience.

What’s more, Treves had Godlike status at Alumgreen. Perhaps playing at home would revive his spark. He had not scored so far in the tournament and maybe familiar surroundings would invigorate him.

It was a long shot. The Lions were a strong side. But with one point from four games the WFA was getting desperate. And adding fuel to the fire they distributed the tickets in Alumgreen alone...eighteen thousand Orphans howling for Nedalian blood might just make the difference.

The Weegie Star: Sport Report
The Punch That Bruised A Million Dreams
by Robbie Wilson

http://www.poy.org/61/04/photos/61-4-GardF-10.jpg
Weegie goalkeeper Alasdair Robertson prepares to take a swing at the FSX striker.

FSX - 1 (no. 10, pen 87)
The Weegies - 0

Team: Robertson (red card 87), McDonald, Haldair, Anderson (Caldwell 68), Pialteir, Fields, Pindie, Mackie, McFeld, Sarelch (McCall 63), Sheridan (Keildie 88).
Subs: Keildie, Caldwell, McLintock, Mathieson, Williamson, Ochens, McCall.

We all viewed it in slow motion, as if it were something from a dream. I can remember it as if I was on the pitch myself, we've all seen it so often now. Big Alasdair Robertson, normally all calm and collected under considerable pressure, suddenly snapping. In full view of everyone, getting up from the ground where he had just pulled off an excellent, acrobatic save, and going up to the FSX's number ten, still in the penalty box. Towering over the striker, 6 and a half feet of furious Weegie, picking up the striker and just holding him. Holding him in the air, the FSX striker's legs dangling in the air like a puppet's, almost comically. And then hauling back a massive fist and swinging it straight into the striker's face. A sickening crack as the nose gave way, the immutable force meetina an all too movable object. The striker flying back, crying in pain as he tumbled to the ground, blood streaming down his face. Robertson's face frowning as he realised the foolishness of what he has done, giving way to anguish, giving way to resignation, not deigning to argue that the thing he had done, the act he had just committed, deserved retribution. Off to a chorus of boos.

Then the ref pointing at the penalty spot. Again, an eerie silence. The other FSX striker making his way to the spot, thumbing his nose at Keildie. Some say Keildie didn't try hard enough, that he was ashamed. That's nonsense. He just doesn't have the reach Big Alasdair has. Alasdair would have got it. But it wasn't enough. He was gone. And our hopes of World Cup qualification lessened.

There's really nothing else to write about in the match against this side except the event of the last few minutes. The game had been sophorific - this was not the same side we saw in Hockey Canada. Well, this was true; although FSX had won two games, they had been against Fbrenia and Northern Voobaha, not excatly the top teams in the tournament - we thought we could beat them easily. But the second string were very much second-rate, not what we expected of them at all. And precious few attempts were made by either side to score. It was a shambles.

The real question is what made Robertson snap. Robertson maintains that after he made the save in question, the FSX striker stomped on his head. The cameras are less conclusive. From most angles, it looks like a tap; it may be that we just didn't have any cameras at the crucial angles. But the ref didn't see it, and most of us didn't see it. And the cameras can't prove it. He's got a thick skull, after all, has Robertson; he wouldn't have felt that that much. But it is, after all, the act.

Other members of the squad such as Pindie and Haldair maintain that the FSX no. 11, the man on the receiving end of Robertson's punch, had been taunting the big man all the match with a few other clever little kicks and stomps, but again, that's even less substantiated. Needless to say though, the atmosphere in the tunnel after the match was poisonous, to say the least. In the dark of the tunnel, at least one or two "fuckin' cheats" and "fuckin' scumbags" were heard, although everyone had the good grace not to take it further.

Manager Persson looked downbeat. He was not his usual ebullient self. All he had to say was: "I believe my boys. Now let us go to the next match. This should not have happened."

The rumours had circulated throughout the Weegie fans about the causes for Robertson's outburst, and gained credence quickly. Credit to the Islander's Army, the stewards of the fans' organisation prevented a situation which could have arised from escalating. In the city where the match was played, one FSX supporters' bar were targeted for shouting and general intimidation by a small group of Weegie fans, but they were found quickly by the IA stewards and shepherded away from potential trouble spots.

Either way, it's a bad day for Weegie football. Like Frederick Persson said, we must now just look forward to the game against Northern Voobaha. Qualification isn't out of sight yet, though it is, indeed, bruised and bloodied.

Fbrenia on third consecutive loss

A crowd of Ariddians gathered in Haven-Port-Nouveau Stadium, Ariddia, to watch the Fbreni team’s first home match of the Cup, and to cheer the Fbreni on. Mingled among them were a few dozen Fbreni-born Ariddians. Fbrenia itself being a lawless land, unsafe for travel, all its home matches are hosted by Ariddia.

Today, the team from Spaam travelled to Ariddia to take on Fbrenia, bottom of their group. The match ended with the small team going down on the honourable score of 0-2, and apparently feeling quite happy about it.

“We held our ground much better than I’d feared we would,” team captain Diego Reyes said, with the help of the squad’s interpreter, Sonya Quinonez. “We only conceded two goals, and quite frankly we’re rather proud of that. Playing here in Ariddia for the first time was great,” he added. “The supporters in the stadium were all cheering us on, and that did us a world of good.”

With no points whatsoever, the Fbreni are well aware they are most likely going nowhere in this Cup. But they seem unconcerned.

“We’re actually going to lots of places,” Reyes pointed out. “We’re playing all over the planet. And it’s an exhilarating experience.”

thsd:NEWS

Puckin' Awesome
by Rami Niblick in...well...a nice hot bath now...

SMALL stadium with fans baying for blood? Child's play. Minus twenty-four temperatures? No problem. Snowstorms? Come on, give us a challenge!

Hockey Canada threw everything up to and inclusing the kitchen sink at their visitors in last night's thrilling encounter, but the Aces refused to buckle and took al three points in a hostile atmosphere. Despite Yanic Perrault getting one over new North Pole United team-mate early in the second half, and Kyle Thomas attempting to murder his new Ousevale Borough team-mate Stephen Greenow sixteen minutes in, first-half goals from Kennedy and Spivey were enough to take the victory for Krytenia.

Up next: FSX?

HOCKEY CANADA - 1
Perrault 66

KRYTENIA - 2
Kennedy 11
Spivey 30

Orange-Blue Watch: Matchday IV
by Bill Tulos in Kaze Progressa

FOR the first time in these qualifiers, Seletao's men conceded, but the blue and orange march continues to play as Rejistania took the game by two goals to one. What price the lasane meeting the Aces in the Finals?

SCORERS
G. Kennedy - 5
R. Spivey - 4
K. Keda - 2
C. Blannix - 1
A. Pedroso - 1
C. Stevenson - 1

SCHEDULE:
MD1: H v FBR W 6-0 (Isserson Stadium, Everton City, EC)
MD2: A v NVO W 2-1
MD3: H v SPA W 4-2 (Mercia Stadium, Bromham, CP)
MD4: A v HCN W 2-1
MD5: A v FSX ?????
MD6: H v WEE ????? (Isserson Stadium, Everton City, EC)
MD7: BYE - NO GAME
MD8: A v FBR ?????
MD9: H v NVO ????? (Lays Road Ground, Leston, LS)
MD10: A v SPA ?????
MD11: H v HCN ????? (Isserson Stadium, Everton City, EC)
MD12: H v FSX ????? (Walton Gardens, Simpson, OU)
MD13: A v WEE ?????
MD14: BYE - NO GAME

Progress no more

The Orange-Blues defeated Kaze Progressa with a 2:1 victory. The Orange-blues largely dominated the match and maybe due to 'maniac' Seletarakeledira Hanselijimijile did not change to their 10-0-0 as soon as they were one goal ahead. They kept on occasionally attacking and this caused the 2:0 but also the 2:1. Sejil Daki, one of the midfielders with nearly no international experience, was the one, who was able to score the 2 gaols against the fellow FIFA-team. He commented later: "This was a match, of which I thought it'd end when I wake up! It was like a dream!"

The first half was not really interesting, the Orange-Blues attacked and defended well, managed to get a number of chances, but all of them reminded of Spruitland in WC23. In the 50th and 54th minute, Daki'he broke the Spruitlandicity and converted the chances he had. Simi~ll Viki's foul on Olog'he when everything seemed to be decided, gave the Progressans the change to lower the lead, which they did.


Hexatux project's funding lowered
The ASR announced that they will cut the costs for the 'Project Hexatux' which helped coaching the national team, by 50%. Spolesperson Inkatil Menes said: "We need to save costs, and the caffeine budget of the Hexatux project is very high. Also, Hexatux is no longer actively used."

it wasn't the Orthodox Church that was running around unilaterally adding words to the Nicene Creed in direct contravention of an existing Ecumenical Council

The horror!

Albert, Apostle of the Holy Catholic Apostolic Church (Devotees of St. Judy and Embrodery Enthusiasts sect) was so shocked that someone would alter the Nicene Creed, he fell off his chasuble. How could anyone do such a thing? He fingered his alb in distress. It was a maniple of a thing.

Still, he thought, those epigonation-wearing folks might have a point. Perhaps tinkering with the Creed might have some value. Maybe even more than the ceaseless devotions to the patroness of hopeless causes (pretty though she was).

Albert donned his amice and buskins. Parading about the room without a single dalmatic, he tried out his Judine Creed.

We believe in one goal
per game, or more would be nice, God almighty
it's been a long time since we scored seen or unseen

We believe in two strikers, Jesus Christ
we'll need strikers if we're going to score won't we
eternally begiven them some goal-scoring skills from St. Judy
goals from goalscorers, light footwark from light footwork
would be nice
Through goals all games are won
For us and for our salvation
C'mon God, ya old goat, cantcha give us a win?

Er, scratch that, gotta be respectful, um,
By the power of the Holy Spirit
Become incarnate from St. Judy
Become man
Preferably a goal-scoring man
Scratch all that stuff about dying, we'll move right into being seated at the right hand of the Great Referee in the sky, maybe he'll look the other way if we put the boot in against one of those Whoseline People

Well, that wasn't very Nicene. Albert figured it meant another century or two in purgatory, but it would be well worth it if it meant a trinity of points for Tanah Burung.

So he had a surplice of joy as he watched the veiled Burungi footballers squeak out a 1-0 win over Da WhoseLine people. The power of prayer, baby!

Lovisa Game, Hate is a nil-nil Draw
'Slaves held away in 'hardest game'

From the moment the draw was made, the away game at Lovisa was billed to be the toughest. The 'slaves away form has been far from sparkling of late, and failure to win was very much on the cards.

Audioslavia are still yet to break back into the top-ten since their fall from grace after World Cup 23. Many are saying that the golden age of Audioslavian football is over, while others are saying that it wasn't the golden age anyway, it was the the 'silver' age, with the 'slaves coming second in World Cups 12, 19 and 20, and being runner-up in the fifth installment of the now-defunct Eagles Cup. However, that original silver age was buoyed by a win - the only to Audioslavia's name - in the first U21 cup. Could there be a second renaissance of Audioslavian football now, since they won the Jeremy Jaffacake Jamboree tournament? It remains to be seen.

Either way, they'll need to pull some better results out of the bag. Seven points from four games is not a brilliant feat, but its not the end of the road either. Drawing nil-nil away to a team ranked 17th in the world is neither a major set-back. The 'slaves will simply be looking for a good run of games to set themselves up for a big effort at the World Cup. They have to get their first though.

I've been some dude, g'nite bitches

The Nedalia Lions

Lions Finally Roar

KAFRA, NEDALIA - After a couple of humiliating loses to Nanakaland and Harlesburg, the Lions looked like, as the Jeruselem media put, a bunch of "kittens". The critics were all over the new manager, as well as the apparent lack of effort from the team itself. It had gotten so bad that even former manager Randy Gamman came on the air to express his disappointment in the squad.

"This does not resemble the squad that I coached for so many years, and none of the blame is to lay on my successor. They need to wake up, they need to understand they represent our proud nation and start playing like they are capable of playing. I am extremely disappointed in them."

Predictably, Matchday Four's opponents Squornshelous were expected to come away with 3 points in Kafra like their lesser known opponetns Harlesburg, but the Lions actually came together and pulled together a win that has sent confusion throughout Nedalia. A team that could not achieve victories against teams lower ranked than itself went out and defeated the number one ranked team in the group thanks to some gritty defence, of all things.

Relying on a completely new tactic, the Lions played defensively, shutting down any attack the Squornshelousians threw at them, and instead of lunging forward, only advanced on counterattacks. The plan was effective, and the barrier finally broke in the 78th minute when youngster Houdini calmly finished off a well-worked counter attack that involved Nene, Point, and James.

Suprisingly, after 4 games, the Lions have scored only 5 goals. What is more suprising, however, is that they have only conceded 5 goals as well. In a group that will bring more suprises than a 24 episode, they will need to keep their defensive ability fully polished, but will need to work on their finishing. As of yet, superstar forward James has yet to score a goal in 4 appearances. If the Lions can pull themselves together, that statistic will surely change.

Nedalia: 1 (Constantine 78)
Squornshelous: 0


LEADING SCORERS:

Nene: 2
Houdini: 1
Constatine: 1
Conteras: 1

Alexandria Times-Tribune-Post-Gazette-Chronicle-Journal-Enquirer

Sports Section

Milchama does poor job defending against own formation

The Milchama Warriors had trouble defending against their own 3-3-4 formation against the Mcpsychoville Machines today. The Warriors gave up 3 goals and got a lucky break in the 89th minute to get four goals of their own to win the game 4-3. Coach Jaime Smith said, "We should be able to defend against our own formation better, we should be able to know the strengths and weaknesses of our formation. I know our formation is made for attacking but that still is no excuse for how we did today."
Now the Match Report:
The game started in a very fast paced flip flop, with both team racing up and down the pitch creating chances at both ends. An early chance from the Warriors was averted and the same thing happened at the other end. The first goal came on a counter attack from the Warriors as Floren raced onto a beautiful chip by Spot Nielson in the 17th minute to get the first goal. After the goal the play became one sided as Mcpsychoville started to dominate the play. The defense tried to hold out but couldn't get a good clearance and finally in the 28th minute the Machines broke thru as Leon Jackson was unmarked on a corner kick and put it in to tie the game at one. That was not the end of the Machine attack as they would get one more before the half when a header by Martin Bates found Chris Mcbride to give the Machines a 2-1 lead. This lead lasted until halftime.
Second Half Report:
The Warriors came out determined in the second half and played as such. They started putting the pressure on the Machine defense and it soon wilted as J.J. Faren found Marc J. Floren in the six yard box to tie the game at 2. The second goal only encouraged the Milchmians and they continued to press onwards. Antoine Sanchez started finding the strikers and they kept on creating chances. In the 67th minute one of his passes found Dunston Copperlee and Copperlee nutmegged Nathan Kane before shooting a rocket into the upper left corner of the net to give the Warriors a deserved 3-2 lead. Soon after the third goal the game started to even out as the Machines started to get some pressure and the game deteriorated to something close to the beginning of the game. The one difference being Mcpsychoville looking more dangerous on their attacks than the Warriors on theirs. Then one Machine corner in the 80th minute tied the game as Chris Mcbride jumped over the entire Milchamian defense and scored to make it 3-3. It looked like the game was going to end in a draw but one final Milchamian attack saw Spot Nielson get "fouled" in the box. While it did look like a foul, on replay it was clearly shown that Nielson was a big exaggerator and should probably have gotten a card for diving. Luckily the ref didn't see it and Copperlee calmly put the PK in to give the Warriors the 4-3 win.
Final Score:
Mcpsychoville 3 (Jackson 28 Mcbride 37, 80)
Milchama 4 (Floren 17, 53 Copperlee 67, [pen] 89)

Matchday 4 had The Kazoo Peoples national soccer team on a bye.

"Today will be a day where we practice for the first half of the day, and then take advantage of the timezones as we go to our opponent's matches," said Coach Manni Aka in a conference call, their KazooJet A350 on their way to a match. "We practiced for 10-hours today, and are now flying to Hiiraan to watch their match against Yafor 2. Then we're off to Rolatia, where we'll see them take on Swilatia."

"What about going to Casari? Aren't they opponents, too?"

"Yes, but we've played both already, and have strategies already hammered out."

"But, couldn't you just get satellite broadcasts of the other games, and take notes from there? It would save a lot of kazoos [Ed. Note: "kazoos" are the national currency] and burden on the taxpayers if you didn't take a private jet nearly halfway around the world, wouldn't it?"

"It's no fun if you watch at home, silly."

"Oh."

"What about Schiavonia's open invation of a friendly on Matchday 11? Are you going to accept?"

"Of course we are! We'd love more international competition experience. Though only a friendly, it'd be nice to go see another nation that we might not have had the chance to experience."

"Okay, that's good. Where will the match be held?"

"I'd assume it'd be held in Schiavonia, as they are the ones who invited us. But if they'd prefer to have it in our lovely country, Kazoo City Kola Stadium, with a capacity of 105,917, would be our stadium choice. We'll wait to hear from Schiavonia. Although it's a friendly, we'd like to be on the top of our game. So we'll have to practice extra-hard before the game, so that we can take home a win."

---
Kazoo Peoples take advantage of second off day, well, sort of

The Kazoo Peoples, sitting in Kazoo City 24 hours after their first off day, waiting for their next opponent, received a phone call from Yafor 2, saying that due to transportation issues, they would not be able to make it today, but promised a match tomorrow.

Though the Kazoo Peoples-Yafor 2 postponement was originally discounted as a fluke, news reports stated that every other qualifying match was postponed due to similar transportation issues.

"It's all very odd, having all these teams postpone matches due to transportation," said one utterly confused Chuck Norris, as he passed by a newsstand, which bore headlines such as 'TRANSPORTATION EPIDEMIC' and 'CONSPIRACY?', "I mean, could so many planes go out? I mean, teams must have more than one plane, right? I'm not too clear on this subject."

Local crazy person Donald McRonald was one of the first to point fingers: "I think it's World Cup 26 hosts Oliverry and Commerce Heights' fault! I mean, they could have sabotaged planes because their nations aren't ready to host the Finals in a few days, it's entirely possible. Or they could have hired people to do it. Who knows? They are powerful nations. They could accomplish something like this." Donald was then poked in the ribs by a passerby, and then said, "However, it could really be a coincidence, and I don't think either Commerce Heights or Oliverry could have done such a thing. They are nice nations, and it's great that they will open their nation up to near-strangers." The passerby nodded.

[[OOC: :p, I'm only messing with you guys!]]

Coach Manni Aka used the second off day for practice, specializing in ball handling and shooting drills.

---

With a 1-1 Turori-Casari draw, a 3-2 Hiiraan win over Yafor 2, and a 0-0 Rolatia-Swilatia draw, it was discovered that "Rolatia" and "Swilatia" rhymed. But, it also affected Group 6 standings, as shown below. It put the Kazoo Peoples firmly in 4th place, with Yafor 2 breathing down their necks. But with only two points separating first and fifth place, the order of the group (and who could qualify) could change in an instant:

Region 6 Pts W D L GF:GA GD
1. Turori 6 1 3 0 9:5 4
2. Casari 6 1 3 0 4:3 1
------------------------------------------------------
3. Hiiraan 6 2 0 1 5:5 0
4. The Kazoo Peoples 4 1 1 1 4:3 1
5. Yafor 2 4 1 1 1 5:5 0
6. Swilatia 3 0 3 1 5:6 -1
7. Rolatia 1 0 1 2 0:5 -5

Qualifying Schedule (UPDATED THROUGH MD4)
Matchday 1:

HOME AWAY
Turori 4:0 Rolatia
Casari 1:0 The Kazoo Peoples
Yafor 2 2:1 Swilatia

Hiiraan does not play

Matchday 2:

HOME AWAY
The Kazoo Peoples 1:1 Turori
Swilatia 1:1 Casari
Hiiraan 1:0 Rolatia

Yafor 2 does not play

Matchday 3:

HOME AWAY
Turori 3:3 Swilatia
Casari 1:1 Yafor 2
The Kazoo Peoples 3:1 Hiiraan

Rolatia does not play

Matchday 4:

HOME AWAY
Casari 1:1 Turori
Hiiraan 3:2 Yafor 2
Rolatia 0:0 Swilatia

The Kazoo Peoples does not play

Matchday 5:

HOME AWAY
Hiiraan v Turori
Rolatia v Casari
The Kazoo Peoples v Yafor 2

Swilatia does not play

Matchday 6:

HOME AWAY
Turori v Yafor 2
Swilatia v Hiiraan
The Kazoo Peoples v Rolatia

Casari does not play

Matchday 7:

HOME AWAY
Casari v Hiiraan
Yafor 2 v Rolatia
Swilatia v The Kazoo Peoples

Turori does not play

Matchday 8:

AWAY HOME
Turori v Rolatia
Casari v The Kazoo Peoples
Yafor 2 v Swilatia

Hiiraan does not play

Matchday 9:

AWAY HOME
The Kazoo Peoples v Turori
Swilatia v Casari
Hiiraan v Rolatia

Yafor 2 does not play

Matchday 10:

AWAY HOME
Turori v Swilatia
Casari v Yafor 2
The Kazoo Peoples v Hiiraan

Rolatia does not play

Matchday 11:

AWAY HOME
Casari v Turori
Hiiraan v Yafor 2
Rolatia v Swilatia

(FRIENDLY: Kazoo Peoples vs. Schiavonia, tenatively scheduled)

Matchday 12:

AWAY HOME
Hiiraan v Turori
Rolatia v Casari
The Kazoo Peoples v Yafor 2

Swilatia does not play

Matchday 13:

AWAY HOME
Turori v Yafor 2
Swilatia v Hiiraan
The Kazoo Peoples v Rolatia

Casari does not play

Matchday 14:

AWAY HOME
Casari v Hiiraan
Yafor 2 v Rolatia
Swilatia v The Kazoo Peoples

Turori does not play

Kazoos progress in WC26

MD1: loss to Casari 1-0, away
MD2: draw with Turori 1-1, home
MD3: win over Hiiraan 3-1, home
MD4: OFF
MD5: Yafor 2, home
MD6: Rolatia, home
MD7: Swilatia, away
MD8: Casari, home
MD9: Turori, away
MD10: Hiiraan, away
MD11: OFF (Friendly, Schiavonia, home or away TBA, tenatively scheduled)
MD12: Yafor 2, away
MD13: Rolatia, away
MD14: Swilatia, home

Watching the people get lairy…

The members of the Wentland FA welcoming committee glanced at each other as the tannoy boomed out a selection of popular hit records by electric musicians. The Nedalian contingent were still smiling politely, but it was apparent that they were a little unnerved by what was happening.

Walking through town is quite scary…

Maybe, the committee thought, it was not such a good idea to hold the match at Rock Road after all. The drive in for the Wents was not particularly salubrious, as urchins and workhouse rejects and drunkards and partisans and anarcho-libertarians and accountants and maniacs and hoodies and hoolies lurched towards the floodlights at the very centre of a web of confusion.

A friend of mine, he got beaten…

They wondered what the Nedalians thought of it all. Chauffer-driven Ocelots were not particularly common in Alumgreen and the black paint on them when they arrived was somewhat smeared with stuff. Eggs, flour (who, thought a committee member, walks the streets with flour just in case they see someone they don’t like?), some brown thing that no-one wanted to enquire about. Fortunately the Nedalians had taken it in good part and were not physically affected.

A man in a tracksuit attacked me…

The crowd chants were getting louder. The feet were stamping on the rickety pile that it would be foolish to dignify with the word “structure”. The national representatives were in the Executive Box, one of the cells but instead of a mere metal barrier there was a glass frontage. And enough room for a foldaway table, a deluxe meal of cheese sandwiches and precisely 3 delegates per country.

Wants to get things a bit gory…

“Um, excuse me, but what are they chanting?” asked one of the Nedalians.

“I can’t quite make it out,” lied one of the Wents. He could not ignore the fact that for about the last half-an-hour the chant had been a single word, repeated over and over again. “Kill! Kill! Kill!”

“I think,” he said, “it’s a nickname for one of the players.”

“Oh.”

Girls run around with no clothes on…

“What song are they playing?”

“I don’t know, I’m not up with youth culture.”

However, the youngest Went delegate knew. “It’s one by a new band, Ansol Kolob. They’re named after a football team somewhere, so it’s fitting.”

“What’s it called?”

The head of the Wentland committee was momentarily pleased as the chants suddenly stopped.

Then the chorus kicked in. With full crowd accompaniment.

I predict a riot, I predict a riot…

No, he thought, this was not a good move.

"Bit rowdy, dontya think?" whispered striker Conteras to Lions captain Trent Hardman while standing in the tunnel. The chants coming from the stadium were deafening; the entire building was vibrating.

The Wentlandian who was accompanying the team had calmly explained that it was all in good spirit, all a bit a fun. The Nedalian players smiled, played their part, took in stride and pretended to believe. They knew better.

"Yeh...I think they all need some of that good Nedalian stuff. A bit too angry, these folk." replied Hardman.

"Wonder what theyll do if we manage to actually win one," chuckled the striker. The captain looked at him sharply, not amused one bit at Conteras' little crack at Nedalia's recent lack of form.

"Anyway, their alchohol is too sour and bitter. No wonder theyre upset."

"Nice, mate. Can't control yourself?"

"I'm rooming with Mattan."

"Ah, that explains it."

"Terrible nightlife."

"I'm glad you know that considering we have a match in about...30 seconds."

"Mattan."

"I figured...Where is Mattan."

"Um....'Exploring' Wentland."

"I see."

GRAHAM CITY SUN
Lindsay Benched, Nearly Costs Stars Game

GRAHAM CITY - Today on the steps of the FFAS, Director of Personnel Howard Briggs announced that Carson Lindsay has been sacked from the national team, the Stars. The news came as anything but shock, after Lindsay's dismal performance against Keyshona, whose gaffes nearly cost the Stars an easy and must needed win to keep up in the table against Starblaydia and New Montreal States. "He has played well for us in the past, but he has proven through his play and attitude towards the managers and coaches that he has no interest in playing for the best of the team," said Briggs.

Lindsay was spotted by papparazzi photographers at Heathrow International Airport in London two days ago, flying a Allied States Air flight back from Keyshona while the rest of the team visited te Southern Universe. His agent has not released a press statement, and public opinion of Lindsay has dropped sharply since the Keyshona game four days ago. One fanatic supporter is have rumored to sent his family a death threat. Manager Westley Stjepan said he was shocked and angered by such a statement. "Anyone who considers such a thing is a small individual who has no decency or morals," he said in visible shock after hearing about it at a press conference.

No word on any replacement, and Dragoslav Yuka will start against Southern Universe two days from now.

ALLIED STATES STARS - 3
Foma (32nd, 56th)
Carrol (12th)

KEYSHONA - 2

Qutar Sports News Network

Welcome to this breaking news story as the QFA have convened an emergency press conference to discuss the condition of Paul Dove after he was rushed to a nearby hospital in Liverpool England, after he suffered a suspected heart attack during the 0-0 draw with Liverpool England, the QFA President is coming out now, so we shall go live to the conference.

"I will read out a statement on his condition and then answer questions afterwards. Paul Dove was rushed to a nearby hospital were doctors confirmed that he had suffered a heart attack, he was then taken to surgery, to have an emergency bypass operation performed. The surgery was a complete success, and he is recovering at the moment in hospital. Unfortunatly this means that he will unable to manage Qutar, for the upcoming game against Firania. The QFA have decided that for that game, the captain Chris Saunders will become the player-manager. Now any questions?"

"Ryan Wood, QSNN. Will Paul Dove have recovered in time to the next game after Firania, Language Teachers? And is he being transfered to a hospital in Qutar?"

"To answer your first question, the doctors have advised that he will have made a full recovery by then, thankfully the timing was do that on Matchday 5, we have no match to play. To answer your second question, doctors have advised us that in his condition it would be best not to move him, and I'm sure he's getting the best treatment possible."

"John Everwood, Daily Snooper. Is there any truth in the rumor that you, are in the process of having an affair, with not just one mistress, but five?"

"No more questions, end of press conference"

Coach Gabriel Mallors was furious. The game in Cataduanes had been an absolute joke in terms of the refereeing. Evan Timulburger had been sent off for a 'dive' in the first minute of play to put the PopularFreedom squad down 1 for the remainder of the game. This after replays showed he was clearly tackled in the Catadunes goalie box by Cataduanes defender Carlos Suramaga and deserved a penalty kick instead of a red card.

Then of course the 'hand goal' incident in the 13th minute to open the scoring when forward Carlos Gaurin knocked in a centering pass with his open palm. The Cataduanes crowd went wild while the PopularFreedom fans and team were outraged at the incident. Coach Gabriel Mallors himself was kicked out by the referees after his tyraid leaving the squad on their own for the rest of the match while coach Mallors watched from the press box.

Coach Mallors still spat at this as he thought about it as it was obvious this 184th ranked team was getting biased refereeing in order to defeat the 60th ranked team in the world.

Then the second goal in the 53rd minute where Carlos Gaurin literally bodychecked a PopularFreedom defender pushing him to the ground on a cornerkick then taking the still loose ball and drilling it into the net for a 2-0 Cataduanes lead. As defender Jason Pedoway argued about the goal he became so infuriated that he inadvertently pushed the referee leading to his ejection and the PopularFreedom squad down 2 men now for the remainder of the game.

At the 58th minute a still reeling PopularFreedom squad let in their 3rd goal as Agustin Macalinao wheeled through the PopularFreedom defense before firing a strike that went over the outstretched hands of goaltender Vega Stalven to make it 3-0 Cataduanes.

The PopularFreedom side did score one in the 87th minute as Junior Wrestoorings was able to take care of some sloppy play by the Cataduanes defense and pocket one in the left corner to make it 3-1, however that was the extent of action for the PopularFreedom squad.

In fact for PopularFreedom, the highlight of the game was probably at the end when one irate fan drilled the head referee in the head with a full can of pop after running onto the field like a madman. The fan was later arrested.

The referee needless to say was bloodied however was able to walk off after receiving medical attention on his own power. Of everything Coach Mellors thought to himself that he was disappointed with this fact (that the ref was okay) more than everything else from the game.

As Coach Mellors packed for home he thought to himself that at least they had a bit of a rest before their next game at home against the United Island Empires. He chuckled to himself as he thought of his idea to move the game to Loyalty Bay.

'Home of the soccer hooligan', he said outloud while chuckling at his idea.

Lowe: "So have you got us a friendly for Matchday eleven?"

Ford: "I have."

Lowe: "Oh, well done!"

Ford: "After both Southern Voobaha and Northern Universe got back to tell us that they don't have teams..."

Lowe: "Shame..."

Ford: "...we'll be playing the Kazoos!"

Lowe: "Oh, good work. Home or away?"

Ford: "Away. The Schiavone Catholic Church are already using the King Francesco Stadium already that day for a huge mass."

Lowe: "Fair enough. We'll pop that one in our diaries, then!"

World Cup Reporters
Tutori players arrive in Hiiraan ....... Drunk!

As Tutorians Arrived in Bosaso, Some Media Watchers taped Players arriving in Hotels as they tumbled and fell about. "its was not only one player," said one spectator "I am sure I saw more than 1, to be honest, I saw 4 of them, laughing and tumbling and the coach looking nervous as he went in to the Plaza Hotel" added the spectator. About an hour later, videos of women on Tutori players arms, drunk, as it appeared to the world, seemed to catch on the media like wild fire.

"We do no know what happened in their arrival, and I don't think the Tutori coach is happy about what happened as videos point out, but to be honest, Hiiraan does not care if they are drunk or not, although I shamelessly admit Hiiraan would benefit greatly from a drunken team." said one analyst, who seemed focused on the story.

"Does this mean Hiiraan has chance" asked the reporter of Channel 11 team to the same analyst. "it depends, the Hiiraanese will have a chance, but wining is another thing, even against a drunken Tutori team." he replied, seemingly frustrated by the question. "although I believe it will not hurt Hiiraan at all."

"*UCK TUTORI, *UCK TUTORI, *UCK TUTORI" chanted fans of the team from all over Hiiraan and even some Tutorians among them, watching nervously the crowd's chants. "How do you feel about the coming game" asked a guy taping the event to a young fan. "*UCK TUTORI" the young fan replied. "is that it sir?" "yes, *UCK TUTORI" the young fan replied.

We will bring you more news later today, after the game, and good luck to all and every team.... we will assure you that young fans saying "*UCK TUTORI" will no longer be broadcasted by the World Cup Reporters.

After a delay due to forum problems, matchday 5 scores (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=10281202&postcount=5) are up.

THEOLOGY TODAY

With Fr. Seraphim the Occasionally Dangerously Free-Thinking Theologian.


Hello, and welcome back to the top-rated programme on Monastic TV. In the absence of any Matchday 5 scores, tonight's show is...
the Judine Creed of Tanah Burung - vile blasphemy or good-natured fun?

Let's have another look at that 'Creed':

We believe in one goal
per game, or more would be nice, God almighty
it's been a long time since we scored seen or unseen

We believe in two strikers, Jesus Christ
we'll need strikers if we're going to score won't we
eternally begiven them some goal-scoring skills from St. Judy
goals from goalscorers, light footwark from light footwork
would be nice
Through goals all games are won
For us and for our salvation
C'mon God, ya old goat, cantcha give us a win?

Er, scratch that, gotta be respectful, um,
By the power of the Holy Spirit
Become incarnate from St. Judy
Become man
Preferably a goal-scoring man
Scratch all that stuff about dying, we'll move right into being seated at the right hand of the Great Referee in the sky, maybe he'll look the other way if we put the boot in against one of those Whoseline People

Now, many of the more ascetic citizens have been outraged by what they see as a blasphemous perversion of the Holy Creed. But I beg to differ. Many citizens of the Archregimancy also pray to the Lord and ask for the intercession of the Saints in Archregimancy matches. This was particularly true when our brave footballing lads defeated Oglethorpia on the very day that we commemorate St. Anthony the Great. I would like to propose that this anonymous citizen of Tanah Burung wasn't corrupting the Creed - as those Cataduanes schismatics have been doing for over 1000 years - but simply offering a heartfelt, if slightly unorthodox with a small 'o', prayer loosely modelled on the Creed that asked for the intercession of St. Judith in providing a victory against the Whoseline People. Though I concede I'm unclear as to whether the St. Judith in question is the old testament St. Judith, or St. Judith of Niederaltaich.

Now, I concede that the references in the prayer to 'Through goals all games are won / For us and for our salvation' and 'C'mon God, ya old goat' are perhaps infelicitously phrased, but surely we should be prepared to grant some lee-way to a layman who, unlike your average Archregimancy monk, has not had the benefit of a life spent in study of the theology of the Church? Surely it is better to encourage heartfelt prayer by laity than to immediately denounce that prayer when the phrasing fails to meet the very highest theological standard?

Unless, of course, the person making the prayer was a heathen, heretic, atheist, communist, or Freemason, in which case I think you can start throwing them stones just about.... now.

I'm Fr. Seraphim - until tomorrow, goodnight.

OOC: Whoops... looks like those MD 5 scores came up when I was writing this. Never mind; an Anathematic Republics - Archregimancy match RP to follow as soon as AR/NMS and I can sort out the details.

"Recovery from Humiliation" by Nev Gould

The Bazalonian Bazalopes have recovered from their humilating defeat by to Collonie by putting a valiant effort against Harlesburg. While the result was in Harleburgs way, the Bazalopes valiantly defended against a strong Harlesburg attack in the first 45 minutes, where they scored their 2 goals. The Bazalopes focused on defence in this half and conserved their energy for a counter-attack in the second half after Harlesburg had worn themselves out. In the 59th minute it yeilded a goal from Peter Hobble with a great assist from Irchov Michael. No further goals where scored but maybe now we can forget about the Collonie incident and move forward concentrating on our next match. The next match will alos be playted at home in TeleBaz Stadium, this will be with Wentland. Let's see how this one turns out.

...

The next morning after Peter Hobble's appearance on GMB Ernie had this on air correction to make.

"Well it seems that someone had mis-read the World Cup schedule instead of facing the Nankaland Nankabirds the Bazalopes will be facing the Harlesburg National Team. We apologise to the Bazalopes, The Nankalan Nankabirds and the Harlesburg National Team for this mistake, now it's time for Buyer's World, Here's Moira.":

Despite doldrums, Stars seize control

Despite playing a second consecutive away match and despite sluggish play throughout, the Sarzonian national football team took full advantage of its opportunities and defeated Montrique 2-0. With EL CID THE HERO falling 2-1 to County Islands, the Stars inch a full six points clear of the world's 32nd ranked team.

"We seem to develop a pattern of playing better football closer to the time of the World Cup," Coach Barry Owens said. "We'd like to be consistent throughout the qualifying campaign and all the way through to the final match, but if we're going to struggle, I guess now's the time."

Sarzonia finally took the lead after six goalscoring chances went awry in the first half and it took an own goal by the Montrique defence to do it. Forward Kevin Wilson began a final run with first half injury time winding down and challenged the team's fullbacks, who tried to pass the ball back to the goalkeeper for him to clear it out of danger. However, the ball sailed off the right boot of one of the fullbacks and into the goal.

"My job there was to create pressure," Wilson said. "We were thinking something good might happen, but we didn't expect a goal like that."

The Stars (4-1-0, 13 points, first place Group 1) scored their second goal the conventional way with midfielder Jenna Raven doing the honours. She won a free kick 26 yards outside the box and she waved off forward Brian Wilson to curl the ball around the players' wall to give the team the 2-0 lead 74 minutes in.

"We just did what we had to do. It wasn't pretty, but we'll take it," Raven said. That seems to be the motto of this Stars team.

"Okay, we'll take another caller. Fahd, you're on Line 2."

"Hey, did you hear the Falcons beat Hypocria 4-1?"

"Yeah. It was at National Stadium, right?"

"Yeah. Isn't Hypocria run by a gay man?"

"No, Dave Wilson is not gay from what I can tell. He's from that country founded by a gay man. I can not say what I really think of that man because the censors will slam me, but you know what I really think."

"Look, just because the man comes from a country founded by a gay man doesn't mean he's necessarily..."

"It means... well, you know what it means. We'll take a commercial break and be back after this. Majeristan defeat Hypocria 4-1. Glory be to Allah!"

[OOC: For the record, this is Sarzonia, so any insults implied here are to advance a storyline. The talk show host is essentially a homophobic version of Howard Stern in a Muslim country. His views do not reflect my own.]

The Kazoos, after their two off days (due to something called "forum problems," whatever that means), drew Yafor 2 after a heated battle in the last 15 minutes of the match.

Nothing happened in the first half, save Perknowleski receiving a yellow card for an unfair challenge on Ysilko at minute 35.

In the second half, it was just a constant tug of war between the mildly agressive offense of the Kazoos, and the mildly agressive defense of the Yaforite Golden Wolves, until minute 75.

Seeing that the Golden Wolf defense was starting to tire, Lampshade made his move, a mad dash toward the goal, accompanied by some fancy footwork, made the score 1-0 in favor of the Kazoos at minute 78.

The Golden Wolves, not wanting to lose in the last few minutes of the game, also went on an attack on the Kazoo goal. Though our goalkeeper Johnson blocked the first five shots on the goal, he let the sixth go through at minute 85, and the score was 1-1.

But the match was not over yet, as the Kazoos had one final hurrah, as the tandem of Chadd Johnson and Jonny Lampshade made a huge attack on the goal. Their first shot was stopped skillfully by Yafor 2 goalkeeper Deron Smithes, and the match ended as a 1-1 draw.

"It was a tough match. I appreciate the 'athleticalistness', er, 'athletic ability' each of our teams showed. I'm very proud of our boys," Coach Manni Aka said after the game.

"Coach, what about the rumors of a friendly game with Schiavonia on Matchday 11? Are they true?"

"Yes, it has been confirmed! We will be hosting the Schiavonian side on Matchday 11 at Kazoo City Kola Stadium. It comfortably seats 105,917 people. We have contacted Schiavonia, and have reserved them 40,000 seats, if they need them for their local fans who wish to come along. If they don't use up all of their tickets, any unused tickets will be sold to the Kazoo Peoples' fans the day of the match."

Qualifying Schedule (UPDATED THROUGH MD5)

Matchday 1:

HOME AWAY
Turori 4:0 Rolatia
Casari 1:0 The Kazoo Peoples
Yafor 2 2:1 Swilatia

Hiiraan does not play

Matchday 2:

HOME AWAY
The Kazoo Peoples 1:1 Turori
Swilatia 1:1 Casari
Hiiraan 1:0 Rolatia

Yafor 2 does not play

Matchday 3:

HOME AWAY
Turori 3:3 Swilatia
Casari 1:1 Yafor 2
The Kazoo Peoples 3:1 Hiiraan

Rolatia does not play

Matchday 4:

HOME AWAY
Casari 1:1 Turori
Hiiraan 3:2 Yafor 2
Rolatia 0:0 Swilatia

The Kazoo Peoples does not play

Matchday 5:

HOME AWAY
Hiiraan 5:2 Turori
Rolatia 0:2 Casari
The Kazoo Peoples 1:1 Yafor 2

Swilatia does not play

Matchday 6:

HOME AWAY
Turori v Yafor 2
Swilatia v Hiiraan
The Kazoo Peoples v Rolatia

Casari does not play

Matchday 7:

HOME AWAY
Casari v Hiiraan
Yafor 2 v Rolatia
Swilatia v The Kazoo Peoples

Turori does not play

Matchday 8:

AWAY HOME
Turori v Rolatia
Casari v The Kazoo Peoples
Yafor 2 v Swilatia

Hiiraan does not play

Matchday 9:

AWAY HOME
The Kazoo Peoples v Turori
Swilatia v Casari
Hiiraan v Rolatia

Yafor 2 does not play

Matchday 10:

AWAY HOME
Turori v Swilatia
Casari v Yafor 2
The Kazoo Peoples v Hiiraan

Rolatia does not play

Matchday 11:

AWAY HOME
Casari v Turori
Hiiraan v Yafor 2
Rolatia v Swilatia

The Kazoo Peoples do not play a World Cup 26 game today, but they have a friendly:
FRIENDLY: Schiavonia at Kazoo Peoples, Kazoo City Kola Stadium

Matchday 12:

AWAY HOME
Hiiraan v Turori
Rolatia v Casari
The Kazoo Peoples v Yafor 2

Swilatia does not play

Matchday 13:

AWAY HOME
Turori v Yafor 2
Swilatia v Hiiraan
The Kazoo Peoples v Rolatia

Casari does not play

Matchday 14:

AWAY HOME
Casari v Hiiraan
Yafor 2 v Rolatia
Swilatia v The Kazoo Peoples

Turori does not play

Kazoos progress in WC26

MD1: loss to Casari 1-0, away
MD2: draw with Turori 1-1, home
MD3: win over Hiiraan 3-1, home
MD4: OFF
MD5: draw with Yafor 2 1-1, home
MD6: Rolatia, home
MD7: Swilatia, away
MD8: Casari, home
MD9: Turori, away
MD10: Hiiraan, away
MD11: Friendly: Schiavonia, home
MD12: Yafor 2, away
MD13: Rolatia, away
MD14: Swilatia, home
---
[[OOC: Schiavonia, do I scorinate because I am at home? Or would you prefer to do it instead?]]