NationStates Jolt Archive

Casari4sport

Happy Days are here again
Finally putting someone away raises spirits nationwide

The spirits started to flow once again in bars across Casari as the team managed to bring home their first victory, a 2-1 win over Revolutionarian Island.

The game, played at home, again in front of a full National Stadium Crowd, showed Casari in what was clearly it's best form so far. It took only until the 11th minute for Casari to score, a great pass to Ronalo in the box from Center Mid Alberto Larini, at the end of a sustained drive that started with the opening kickoff. The second goal, an Saienz header, followed in the 24th.

In his international debut, Javis LeMurry proved his capabilities beyond anything he has shown in the First Division this year. Trying to utalize his raw speed, he was placed ahead of the back row on the attack in an attempt to provide an out and sustain the attack, a tactic that was proven quickly in the first several minutes of the game. His defensive contributions were also numerous and frequent, cementing his spot on the team.

Already with today's result Casari has risen one place in the standings to 7th, staring at the back end of a 4th through 6th log-jam at 7 points.

GROUP 6
Pos Team P W D L F A GD Pts
1 Alastair I Frosticus 4 4 0 0 9 5 4 12
2 Cockbill Street 4 3 0 1 7 4 3 9
3 Commerce Heights 4 2 2 0 6 3 3 8
4 Praying2God 4 2 1 1 6 3 3 7
5 Bipedal Apes 4 2 1 1 7 5 2 7
6 Raptor Claw 4 2 1 1 7 6 1 7
7 Casari 4 1 1 2 5 8 -3 4
8 Corruptomania 4 1 0 3 6 7 -1 3
9 Revolutionarian Island 4 0 0 4 7 12 -5 0
10 Michael Stricklandttttt 4 0 0 4 1 8 -7 0

Tomorrow's game against Michael Stricklandttttt is vital, although belief that Casari will leave with a positive result agains the winless team is high. If so, Casari will return to the mid-table fray, with matches against Praying2God, Bipedal Apes, and Raptor Claw 3 out of the next four matchdays.

Regardless, there are still 14 matchdays left, in which anything could happen.

The rantings and ravings of the same Brunstone Grizzlies (http://ns.goobergunch.net/wiki/index.php/Brunstone_Grizzlies) fan, walking down a road somewhere in Woodstock, Sarzonia...

Ugly, that was soooo ugly. Three to nothing. Yuck.

*Drunk starts to sing off key, slurring*

Im a Brunstone fan, that is what I am
and my team cant score cause they slept last night with...

*drunk stops trying to remember the rest*

ah well, don't know why they started Kimchuk in place of Drayce Riggens (http://ns.goobergunch.net/wiki/index.php/Drayce_Riggens)

Stupid coach, sure Riggens sucked in our games against Bakostrovia, and Kylaai especially but still, what 30 minutes and we were down 3-0. Just ugly. Oh well at least I got that Sarzonian kid's hotdog while he was cheering for that third goal though still don't know how the security guard caught me but I got a bite outta it before I returned it. How the hell did I end up in that section anyhow. I was suppose to be in the PopularFreedom section but well after last game not many came out so they apparently made more room for the locals from Sarzonia so I was surrounded by all these Sarzonia fans who were making fun of me and my team though that one Sarzonia lady beside me she was kinda cute.

*Drunk stops*

Where the hell am I?

*looks at some citizens who see the lost tourist and guide him back to his hotel*

Nice place this Sarzonia actually just wish our team did better at soccer.

*Gets into his room in his hotel and turns on the television which shows highlights of the game.*

Yuck. That is yucky what else we got here.

*checks his watch*

a few hours before my flight, there has to be something on

*keeps flipping channels*

Stupid commercials what is this 'The Anti-Government Hour' anyhow? Sounds wierd. What the hell with all these commercials for the latest Harry Potter book anyhow.

*switches channels again finding mainly soccer highlights, then turns off the tv in disgust*

Cant wait to get outta here.

Jeruselem Government News

Oaker win but just

Big game for World Cup 25 match day 4. Jeruselem took uber-team Oaker but lost. They went down fighting 1-2 as Oaker took the 3 points but had to really keep out the persisent Jeruselem team who did not have the Oakians any time to play their natural game.

Good thing for Jeruselem is most of the other games where draws except for the win for Kunar over Alemeinia who really should have one this one. Kunar prevailed 2-1 to score their first win.

Hypocria should have got three points against Jacobian Tribes but in the end a 2 ALL draw for both teams happened. The Giant Zucchini effect lingered on for Hypocria, but they at least got a point.

Giant Zucchini really should have hammered San-Lorenzo from last game, but that don't happen. Another 2 ALL draw and San-Lorenzo were happy to take home a point against a team smashed up Hypocria 5-1.

Now for another game between big teams - Chicanada took on Nova Britannicus and it ended up in an ... 2 ALL draw. Third draw for MD4 which means Jeruselem's loss was not all bad as most teams did not take advantage at all. While we did lose, Oaker have been form team with rather large thumpings of pretenders to top spot. Early in the campaign, a narrow loss to the top 10 seeded player isn't really that bad.

GROUP 4
Jacobian Tribes 2 Hypocria 2
San-Lorenzo 2 Giant Zucchini 2
Kunar 2 Alemeinia 1
Oaker 2 Jeruselem 1
Chicanada 2 Nova Britannicus 2

Team Gives Up Hope

The fourth straight loss in the World Cup was witnessed today as The Archregimancy, a team that had lost to Pastorville, scored a single goal against The Macabee defense, sealing the game at minute sixty-fifth [color=red]one to zero, and offering the Macabee team not a single point more, continuing the depressing loosing streak and putting the team as last in the group, as Andrasuvare, which tied with Brazillico, gains yet one more point, giving it two. The depressing news has come only after a victory in the Cherry Cup, which is to amount to little anyways. Regardless, optimistic as usual, Mannerheim has stressed that the team will not let down its guard in the upcoming five games, hoping to reverse the bad play and bad luck that has plagued his men from day one of the World Cup. The updated scoreboard is as follows:

The Solar Association 0:1 Squornshelous
Brazillico 1:1 Adrasuvare
Svecia 0:2 Rejistania
The Archregimancy 1:0 The Macabees
Pastorville 1:2 The Lowland Clans


Pos Team P W D L F A GD Pts
1 Squornshelous 4 4 0 0 7 1 6 12
2 Svecia 4 3 0 1 10 2 8 9
3 The Archregimancy 4 3 0 1 6 2 4 9
4 Rejistania 4 2 1 1 8 3 5 7
5 Pastorville 4 2 0 2 3 4 -1 6
6 The Lowland Clans 4 2 0 2 4 6 -2 3
7 Brazillico 4 0 3 1 2 2 0 4
8 Adrasuvare 4 0 2 2 3 9 -6 2
9 The Solar Association 4 0 1 3 1 5 -4 1
10 The Macabees 4 0 1 3 0 7 -7 1



Tomorrow, the game against Pastorville is expected to take the same turn as the game during the Baptism of Fire, which will be yet another drawback to the team, however, the game between The Lowland Clans and The Solar Association is expected to be a complete debacle, which should allow for a small respite for the Macabee team, which hopes not to place last, which would be a complete disaster for the goals it had set up prior to the World Cup. However, again, the team had made sure to express the fact that they will not relent in tomorrow's game against Pastorville and they will give it all they have to make sure they either lose by a little, complete a draw, or perhaps even win, if God wishes for them to do so. Fortune and miracle nonwithstanding, the entire team, including Kahn, who will be in the entire game tomorrow, has reiterated their decision to stick it out and give it their best shot, because they know that everything they put into this world cup will only show up as positive on the next world cup, and given time, the team will prove to be quite the competitor.

The real fights will begin will begin matchdays eight and ten when the last three positions in the group will be contested, and hopefully, The Macabee team will have the ability to rise even a little bit in the way of ranking in general. The game against the Lowland Clans and Rejistania are expected to be massacres within the context of goals against, and it was rather unfortunate the team was even put in this group. Nevertheless, the team will have to contend with what they are given with, and hopefully fortune will steer them within a brighter path. Nonetheless, there are no more illusions of possibilities, and right now the team is working really hard to make sure they remain seventh in the group, knowing that sixth has already escaped their grasp.

The real message to the team has come with the relevation that in four matches they have not scored a single goal, which is most likely the reason why their goal difference is so high... in the negatives. Indeed, they are the team with the largest negative goal difference in the group, with seven goals scored against and no goals scored for. Hopefully, the next five days they will score at least a single goal against their foe in each game, alleviating their position a bit. If not, it's feared tha the team will actually lose rank, putting them in a hole which they may not be able to crawl themselves out of. Indeed, they need to win all four games against the Solar Association and Adrasuvare if they are to even have a semblence of a victory in the general ranking scale.

Fortunately, we have a very optimistic, yet pragmatic, team and they have aided in the picking up of spirit. If only they could turn that spirit into a victory.

[OOC: FYI, I'm the Macabees, not the Maccabees. :p ]

[OOC: FYI, I'm the Macabees, not the Maccabees. :p ]

MONASTIC TIMES

Opposing Team Confused About Own Name

By Fr. Nicholas the Scribe

In a sign of the extent of the confusion caused by their loss to the Archregimancy overnight, recently defeated opposition the Maccabees insisted that they were not Maccabees, but rather Macabees.

"Nonsense" said a senior Archimandrite, speaking on condition of anonymity "every single team we face whose name even vaguely resembles a Biblical reference can expect to be understood as representing that reference even when they don't. So as far as we're concerned, they can drop 'C's until the cows come home - they're still the Maccabees to us"

Proof of the Archregimancy's otherworldly and perhaps slightly out-of-date approach to the outside world came later that day when a Russian diplomatic delegation were addressed as 'Scythians' throughout the banquet presentation.

Guy Varrenes: So, a draw now...
Jimmy Lejeune: 1-1... someone should draw something...
Jérémie Varrenes: Look popa! I drew a horse!!
GV: Thank you son! Now, could you draw me something else? Like a DiFlyingWindow?
JV: Ok popa...
GV: Ah! Young people...
DiFlyingWindow: You drawn. That is against Takil. Han'il Takil!
JL: Is there a way to deactivate the option that he doesn't alyways say this shit after every statement?
GV: Never found it. Jérémie! Could you come here please?
JV: What do you want? I was drawing DiFlyingWindow killing Hexatux...
GV: Did you find how to deactivate the "Han'il takil" DiFlyingWindow always say after every statement?
JV: No... Anyway, I like it like that. HAN'IL TAKIL!!!!
GV: Not him as well...
JL: Atleast, it's good to see that he's takilan. Not like my kid...
François Lejeune: Han'il Imdila!!
JL: You see?
GV: Yeah, time for me to pull out the va'takil...
JL: But, don't forget: As Imdilan are undecided, they will resist to any va'whatever...
GV: Oh yeah! I forgot about that... We should get that Random Rejistanian Guy to come here and tell us how to change an imdilan...
Random Rejistanian Guy: Han'il Takil!!
JL: How do we transform an imdilan into a takilan?
RRG: Han'il Takil!!!
GV: Slani Rejistanians... How did they enter in Oliverry?
JL: Why don't we talk about yesterday's game?
DFW: Because it was too karelan. Han'il Takil!!
JV: Popa!! Popa!! Look what I drew! A Flying Window with a FireFrog!!
GV: Nice son. What is your son doing Jimmy?
JY: Well... he seems to always say "Han'il Imdila". We should bring him to the psychiatrist...
GV: Who do you think will win the LOS this year DiFlyingWindow?
DFW: Perpignant FC!! Han'il Takil!!
JY: Ok...

Misinformed Location

The next match for the Euroslavia Titans is against the Sarzonia Stars. The location for this match has been changed recently, due to the conflict of interest in the matter of Sarzonia choosing where the Titans decide to play.

"There was no discussion involved from their party." spoke the Head Coach of the Titans. "They scheduled the match location without our consent, and we certainly don't appreciate this. The location that we wish to have this match is within Liverpool England, who's nation has been more than friendly in allowing us to play our match there. This only goes to show you a little bit about Sarzonian diplomacy; misleading."

The Titans will be traveling to Liverpool England to face off against the best team in the World Cup. At this point, however, the players want to just get it over with.

"Win, lose, or tie; it doesn't matter to me. I just want to get these Sarzonians away from our sight. There's no telling what may happen between both teams during the game, which is obviously why we weren't too happy about the re-draw; however, it's not in our place to complain about it and make this some sort of high school drama play. We suck it up and move on." spoke Phillip Frazier, captain of the Titans.

As we can see, a general dislike of Sarzonia and its teams have grown since the beginning of the season. This could very well lead to further tensions between both nations, politically as well as through interacting sports teams. All we can do is watch and see what happens.

Titans Embarassed 5-0

After a stunning defeat against Five Civilizad Nations, the Titan defense was utterly shattered in an amazing display of power by the Five Civilized Nations' team. The Titan offense was just as bad, not being able to score a single point for themselves, leaving them shut out. This 5-0 defeat gives the team an ultimatum to themselves; either they step it up and start playing more like a team, or they're going to lose just as badly against Sarzonia and the rest of the Group.

"I'm honestly not sure what happened here. Perhaps it was the frustration of tying against teams we believe that we should have beat, or maybe it's just a few honest mistakes. We'll never know, but what we do know is that we need to change a few things around again if we're going to make this team faster, stronger, and capable of doing better things in the future, including taking down stronger teams. As a team, we haven't been doing much in cooperation. Each player began to act on his own, especially in this match. This cannot be allowed any longer. You can certainly expect a few shifts before the next match against Sarzonia, in Liverpool England."

The Titans are the obvious underdogs in their next match, but a good performance against Sarzonia would at least lift the team's spirits. They can only do the best that they possibly can. It has been rumored that some new tactics have been in the works for this match, to drive for a more united approach team-wise.

SWIFT IMPRESSED WITH START

Rordia's World Cup 25 campaign has started surprisingly well, with the Ballerinas getting four points from their first four games. They have suffered just two losses, but they were against two unbeaten teams - Dauna Hills, and Tadjikistan.
Manager John Swift said: "I'm very pleased with the team, in fact, I couldn't be more delighted. We were expected to be the group's whipping boys. But I think we are capable of challenging for a top five spot, not top three, but top five."
One of the Ballerinas' most impressive players is teenage striker Tim Brick. The Rordic City Blues forward has scored three of Rordia's goals this World Cup campaign, including a double against Dauna Hills. He said: "I've clearly got my scoring boots on. I've bagged three goals so far, and this has really helped me off the pitch as well. The girls are all over me! I've received several marriage proposals, but I'm not ready yet! (LAUGHS)"
Can Rordia keep scoring against Vilita? If they keep up their current form, a shock win could be on the cards...

Own Goal!
Episode 3: ‘The Flying P’

(James Gorton is sitting in his office looking at videos of the Alemeinia and Jacobian Tribes matches. He shakes his head in resignment.)

Gorton: Looks like I’ll have to unleash my secret weapon…

The next day at training…

(Gorton gathers all his players and sits them down.)

Gorton: I will teach you something new today. I will tell you, and you will use it for the Hypocria game. And then you will never use it again until I tell you to. Is that understood?

(The players nod their heads.)

Gorton: I will teach you what I call…‘The Flying P’.

(The players nod their heads. Inside their brains, they are comprehending what was just being said.)

Laredo: (‘The Flying Pea’?)

Barry: (‘The Flying Pee’?)

Ferrero: (‘El Pie Del Vuelo’? [Meaning: The Flying Foot])

Boyer: (‘La pie de vol’? [Meaning: The Flying Magpie])

Paoli: (‘Volo Pi’? [Meaning: Devout Flying])

Xie SK: (‘Fei Pi’? [Meaning: The Flying Shit])

Rimsky-Korsakov: (Это должно быть конспирацияо… [Meaning: This must be a conspiracy…])

Editor 2: Hey, aren’t we going to say anything about Hohenzollern? He scored 2 on his debut against Hypocria!

Editor 1: Forget him, he doesn’t fit into the plot.

Editor 2: What plot?

To be continued…

World Cup News
In association with Hellacious Huckleberry Gum


Could Be Better, Could Be Worse

It was a match the Hyppos could have, and possibly should have, won but after the battering in Giant Zucchini and point against the Jacobian Tribes, an away point at that, perhaps wasn’t such a bad result after all.

As expected coach Dave Wilson made three changes after the Zucchini debacle, Kreska and Mumtazi came into the defence and West replaced Liberda up front. It was an historic night for the Pylos Reavers defender Maelog Mumtazi who became the first non native Hypocrian to pull on the blue and white.

The Hyppos had been on the wrong of penalty decisions in each of their last two games but when Shirko was bundled over when trying to reach Mumtazi’s cross into the box the referee gave the decision for the Hypocrian striker. It was the Hypocrium City star who elected to take the penalty himself. He sent the keeper the wrong way to mark his fiftieth international appearance with his nineteenth goal. They say a team is most vulnerable after they’ve scored and that certainly proved to be the case here as a quick Tribes attack caught the Hyppos cold and Lieb Matzenheimer got past Paul Blake and stooped to head in the Tribes equaliser. The half time whistle went with the team’s level.

Five minutes into the second half Wilson’s side conceded a second as Tribes midfielder Antonio Serra tried a speculative effort which took a wicked deflection of Kreska to wrong foot Ricardo Kindelan in the Hyppos goal. Fortunately Marcus Baxter was on hand to show, yet again, just why he is so important to the national side. His beautifully weighted threw ball bisected the Tribes defence and released Danny West. West ran onto the ball and coolly clipped it over the advancing keeper. Both sides had chances to win the match. West and Marshall both came close for the Hyppos and Baxter shaved a past with a sweetly struck freekick. At the other end Kindelan made a great save right at the death to prevent what surely would have been a winner for the Jacobian Tribes. The final whistle went with neither side particularly happy at gaining just a point.

Jacobian Tribes 2 – 2 Hypocria

As it turns out the draw wasn’t such a poor result as other results in the group went Hypocria’s way. Nova Britannicus and Chicanada cancelled in each out and Jeruselem fell victim to group leaders Oaker. The Shark’s win, 2 – 1 at home to Jeruselem moves them clear at the top. Nova Britannicus are two points behind after their 2 – 2 home stalemate with Chicanada. In the other games Alemeinia’s impressive start ended after they lost 2 – 1 in Kunar and Giant Zucchini couldn’t capitalise on there big win over the Hyppos and were held 2 – 2 in San-Lorenzo.

GROUP 4 (Unofficial Table)
Pos Team P W D L F A GD Pts
1 Oaker 4 3 1 0 9 2 7 10
2 Nova Brittanicus 4 2 2 0 7 3 4 8
3 Jeruselem 4 2 1 1 8 5 3 7
4 Chicanada 4 2 1 1 7 7 0 7
5 Alemeinia 4 2 0 2 5 6 -1 6
6 Giant Zucchini 4 1 2 1 8 5 3 5
7 Hypocria 4 1 2 1 7 9 -2 5
8 Kunar 4 1 0 3 3 8 -5 3
9 Jacobian Tribes 4 0 2 2 4 7 -3 2
10 San-Lorenzo 4 0 1 3 4 10 -6 1

Five points from the first four games and seventh place in Group 4 is not exactly the best start but with a home match against bottom side San-Lorenzo up next Dave Wilson will be looking for a win and some upward movement from his side.

Qualification Schedule

Jeruselem v Hypocria (1 - 1)
Hypocria v Alemeinia (Drissa Sports Arena, Drissa) (3 - 1)
Giant Zucchini v Hypocria (5 - 1!)
Jacobian Tribes v Hypocria (2 - 2)
Hypocria v San-Lorenzo (Oceanside Stadium, Pylos)
Kunar v Hypocria
Hypocria v Oaker (Hyppodrome, Hypocrium)
Chicanada v Hypocria
Hypocria v Nova Britannicus (Oceanside Stadium, Pylos)
Hypocria v Jeruselem (Hyppodrome, Hypocrium)
Alemeinia v Hypocria
Hypocria v Giant Zucchini (Hyppodrome, Hypocrium)
Hypocria v Jacobian Tribes (Drissa Sports Arena, Drissa)
San-Lorenzo v Hypocria
Hypocria v Kunar (Reef Stadium, Coral City)
Oaker v Hypocria
Hypocria v Chicanada (Hyppodrome, Hypocrium)
Nova Britannicus v Hypocria

GRAHAM CITY SUN - SPORTS SECTION

Stars Overcome Saints After Two Devastating Defeats
Jerome Niggins

PASTORVILLE - Westley Stjepan looked incredibly relieved after he and the Stars left the pitch on Saturday on their game against the Pastorville Saints. The Stars had been kicked around by Svecia and The Archregimancy the two prior games and morale has been low. "It's been hard," said Gary Park, a veteran of two World Cups and is planning on playing a third, "that game against Svecia, we were just totally flat-footed. I mean, it was really tough. And then that tackle that robbed us against the Archregimancy, it's been a tough two weeks."

But the Stars came out burning with desire against the Saints. Stjepan opened the scoring on a massive cannon of a shot from fourty yards out, with a curve that made it look like it was orbiting a rather large man in the fifth row above the Stars bench. Then things settled down a bit, but the Stars kept up the pressure, with ten shots in the second twenty minutes. But then the Saints picked up the pace, applying some serious pressure at the end of the half, leading to a goal by Reverend King on a beautiful move that had even the most die hard Clanners gaping. But the Stars came out determined, and Keefe Lavrentios scoring on a beautiful pass right to his feet, and whose volley could not be contained by Reverend Smith.

THE LOWLAND CLANS - 2
Stjepan, 12
Lavrentios, 48

PASTORVILLE - 1
King, 44

PREVIOUS SCORELINES
THE LOWLAND CLANS - 0

SVECIA - 3
Koller, 8
Torres, 32, 71

THE LOWLAND CLANS - 1
Stjepan, 38

THE ARCHREGIMANCY - 3
Fr. Nicholas, 16
Fr. Silouan, 58
Fr. Polycarp, 70

Group Analysis
Neville Jones

Right now, things are looking very open in Group 2. With Rejistanias surprise defeat at the hands of Squorshelous and tie against Brazillico, the top three look to be substantially different if this pattern continues. After playing the Macabees at home, the Stars travel to Rejistania to play an away match. These next two matches should look to set the pace for the remainder of the qualifiers, especially if we manage a draw or win against the Orange-Blues. Right now, we could still make the third qualifying spot, but the Stars play so far has been less than impressive. Meanwhile, The Archregimancy continues there advance to the top, and could very well push a higher ranked team out of the Cup.

[FONT="Franklin Gothic Medium"]thsd:NEWS
Storm In A Coffee Cup

The Cafetiere Cup is set to return after World Cup 25 qualifying, after the Krytenian Football Association accepted the challenge from their Phoenician counterparts, the FAF, to a return match for the Golden Cafetiere.

The Cafetiere was stolen from the KFA offices over two decades by an unknown Rejistanian, who then lost it on a trip to Vanguard. It has remained in the hands of the FAF, who eight years ago inaugrated the Cafetiere Cup after Krytenia and FMJPhoenix were drawn together in qualifying. A four-two aggregate victory kept the cup away from its rightful owners.

The game will be a one-off at a venue yet to be decided [OOC: Apply now!], and both nations are looking forward to the encounter already.


To: Krytenian Football Association

To Whom It May Concern:

It has been brought to my attention that you are looking for a neutral venue to host your proposed Cafetiere Cup grudge match against Fmjphoenix.

Well you need look no further as the HFA are happy to offer our own national stadium, the Hyppodrome, as a venue of your match. The Hyppodrome is fully equipped to handle international fixtures and has hosted the Hypocria national side since World Cup 23 and we are also already scheduled to be a neutral venue for the Sarzonia/Euroslavia Group 5 clash in the World Cup qualifiers.

In addition our location in the south of the Atlantian Oceania region puts us within easy reach of fans of both competing sides. It’s worth noting too that neither nation has ever competed at the Hyppodrome before so there will be no advantage for either side.

Yours,

Alex Scott
Hypocrian Football Association

thsd:NEWS
Classico!

FIVE goals in a thrilling each-way encounter as the Paladins of New Montreal States went down swinging in New Montreal. Krytenia's victory, described a "lucky escape" by manager Dave Van Staveren, puts the Aces top of Group Ten after four games.

It could have been very different. The game was end-to-end from the start, bith sides hitting the woodwork in the first five minutes. It came as no surprise, then, that the first goal was an early one - Nicolas Prémat scoring for the Paladins with his head after an excellent cross from Jacques Martin. The lead, however, did not last, as Gabriel Kennedy popped up for a corner on seventeen minutes. Though his header hit the base of the post, young Cameron Stevenson was there to score his first-ever international goal.

Six minutes before the break, and Stevenson scored his second of the game. Unfortunately for the visitors, it was in his own net. A long, hopeful ball from Marcel Sabatier bounced awkwardly, Stevenson and Barcali both coming for the ball. Barcali failed to call, Stevenson misguided a header attempt, and the ball sailed over the stricken Ousevale 'keeper and into the back of the net. Two-one NMS, but not the end of the first-half action. in stoppage time, a rash challeng from Cedric Dumas on Oliver Kader led to the Paladin midfielder being sent off, and Kader leaving the field on a stretcher. Krytenia finished the first half a man short, before bringing on Simon Ziov at the break.

The man advantage took some time to take effect, but on fifty-eight minutes, Ziov's through-ball finding Gabe Kennedy, who slotted home. Two-all, and honours even, surely. Well, almost. With literally seconds left in the game, a Kennedy shot was scrambled wide by Paladins keeper Bernard Priaulx, and from the resulting corner John Terezzi nodded home the winner.

An exhausting three points, and a smidgin of bad luck for the ten men at the Paladin Dome, but Krytenia are now in a much better group position as they hope to make sure of three more points against The Gupta Dynasty.

NEW MONTREAL STATES - 2
Prémat 11
Stevenson (og) 34
KRYTENIA - 3
Stevenson 17
Kennedy 58
Terezzi 89

SCORERS
G. Kennedy: 5
R. Spivey: 3
D. Signoriello: 1
C. Stevenson: 1
J. Terezzi: 1

QUALIFYING SCHEDULE
MD1: A v CAP L 0-1
MD2: A v ECH W 3-0
MD3: H v ANA W 5-0 (Mellion Lane, Davisham)
MD4: A v NMS W 3-2
MD5: H v TGD ????? (The Mound, Secklow)
MD6: A v PGJ ?????
MD7: H v NCR ????? (Brecklands, Linford)
MD8: A v BET ?????
MD9: H v TON ????? (Sixways Stadium, Avidia)
MD10: H v CAP ????? (Oxley Park, Everton City)
MD11: H v ECH ????? (Mercia Stadium, Bromham)
MD12: A v ANA ?????
MD13: H v NMS ????? (Denbigh Park, Ousevale)
MD14: A v TGD ?????
MD15: H v PGJ ????? (Walton Gardens, Simpson)
MD16: A v NCR ?????
MD17: H v BET ????? (Davis Memorial Stadium, Everton City)
MD18: A v TON ?????

CAFE: N v FMJ ?????

I am asking, how does this qualification work?

Basically, there are groups of randomly drawn nations playing each other. The top few teams from each group qualify for the World Cup Finals, where the 32 top teams play for the World Cup.

Almost like the real one, really...

Somewhere in Sike Kali, 2 shady figures are talking in a dark place. The magical camera of RP can not make out any details.

Shady Figure 1: It did not work...
Shady Figure 2: I do not see why it should not work. The team plays more attackingly than with Siki Rej.
Shady Figure 1: That means nothing, his Hexatux was more karelan than a monk!
Shady Figure 2: Well, the rejistanians have to be taught attacking soccer very slowly. For them, Hexatux did nothing wrong!
Shady Figure 1: Well, Hatime did not live up to our expectations.
Shady Figure 2: He was not as defensive as Siki Rej!
Shady Figure 1: Do you know the results of the matches?
Shady Figure 2: I am not interested in soccer.
Shady Figure 1: Argl! The Orange-Blues lost against Squornshellous and drew against Brazillico!
Shady Figure 2: Losses happen...
Shady Figure 1: The population believes that Siki Rej would have made the team win! They were made believe that attack means defeat and Hatime I Ra~e just confirmed this belief.
Shady Figure 2: But the win against Svecia...?
Shady Figure 1: The team played as defensively as if Hatime I Ra~e never replaced Siki Rej. Hatime took instructions from Hexatux!
Shady Figure 2: We should work out a way to stop this evil computer from being karelan.
Shady Figure 1: Blow it up?
Shady Figure 2: Reprogram it.
Shady Figure 1: Only Siki Rej knows how it works...
Shady Figure 2: Well, I have an idea...

The newspaper headlines screamed about diplomatic conflict and insults levied between football associations. Told that Euroslavian captain Phillip Frazier referred to the Incorporated Football Federation as "misleading" in the decision to move the Euroslavia "home" fixture to New Montreal States instead of its preferred location in Liverpool England, IFF Chairman Terry Mangione shot back.

"We proposed the location as New Montreal States because it's in the same region as Euroslavia. They can get their supporters there more easily than they can in Atlantian Oceania," Mangione said. "You'd think they'd at least appreciate the gesture of our preserving some semblance of fairness while expressing our concerns about the political atmosphere. That just goes to show you that Euroslavians are nothing but a bunch of backstabbing hypocrites."

Coach Barry Owens ordered his charges to "play the game" and not let the political rancor that has developed between the two nations to get in the way of football, but that would be a lot easier said than done. Although the Sarzonians are familiar with governmental hostility intruding onto the football pitch, the fact that it was Euroslavia, until recently a close ally of Sarzonia's, that was the subject of enmity, provided a more sombre backdrop to the match.

Ten minutes before the opening kickoff, as Frazier lined up at the centre circle with the ball, he stared out at Sarzonian forward Brian Wilson and the two had to be separated by the Milchaman referee before the kickoff even began. There was one section of Sarzonia supporters waving the navy and silver whilst there were more Euroslavians, but both sections were across the stadium from each other, buffeted by neutrals.

As for the match itself, goalkeeper Horace Sandt made four saves, including a penalty kick in the 29th minute that set the tone for the rest of the match and midfielder Jarret Sanderson scored the lone goal 64 minutes in. Unlike the usual rush by the trailing side to score the equaliser, the action following the Sanderson goal was provided by Sarzonia's attempts to bury the Titans that came to no avail. The Stars (4-1-0, 13 points) were thwarted on eight of nine shots on goal and their 58-32 minute time of possession advantage nearly went to waste.

Following the match, the Stars players all immediately left the grounds, not even stopping to acknowledge their supporters who made the trek from Sarzonia under uncertain circumstances. They addressed their supporters after the match, thanking them for attending in spite of "considerable risk" to themselves.

Anyone who expected to see the two teams combine for red cards and fouls was largely disappointed. Both teams committed only 14 fouls each, most of which were "ticky tack" calls, and Sandt was given one caution for time wasting at the end of the first half. Other than that, it was a cleanly played match.

"It's a credit to our lads that we were able to focus on football instead of the political drama," defender and team captain Trevor Crenshaw said. "The sooner we get rid of Euroslavia from our schedule, the better off we'll all be."

Casari4sport

A second game, a second win
Michael Stricklandttttt becomes second nation to lose to Casari

Casari managed to win their second game of the World Cup, boosting them back to a 2-1-2=7, Tied for 6th in points against our next opponent Praying2God, as they come off a loss against Raptor Claw.

The game against Stricklandtttt was another example of how our team should have been playing. The goals, one scored by each of the usual suspects of Ronalo, Saienz, and Larini, went in reletively effortlessly. Casari managed to run the score up to 3-0 before complacency set in and a relaxing defense was shocked into action again in the 76th minute after Raptor Claw's lone goal.

As the thoughts of "Hey, this might just even be possible," flow through the minds of the populace, the fact that our two wins have been against the weakest team in the group really has to be stated. From now on, the quality of the opponent is going to get stronger and the team's easy rollover victories won't be as simple to attain.

GROUP 6
Pos Team P W D L F A GD Pts
1 Cockbill Street 5 4 0 1 9 4 5 12
2 Alastair I Frosticus 5 4 0 1 10 8 2 12
3 Commerce Heights 5 3 2 0 8 4 4 11
4 Bipedal Apes 5 3 1 1 10 6 4 10
5 Raptor Claw 5 3 1 1 9 7 2 10
6 Praying2God 5 2 1 2 7 5 2 7
7 Casari 5 2 1 2 8 9 -1 7
8 Corruptomania 5 1 0 4 6 9 -3 3
9 Revolutionarian Island 5 0 0 5 8 14 -6 0
10 Michael Stricklandttttt 5 0 0 5 2 11 -9 0

Titans Put Up a Fight

Going against the number one team in the World Cup in its' most recent match, the Titans were pretty nervous, but fueled to do better than their best, seeing as their opponent was Sarzonia. They continued their attempt to tarnish Euroslavia's reputation by calling them 'backstabbing hypocrites'. The Head Coach of the Titans responded to this briefly.

"Them calling us hypocrites basically sums their thought process up. Seeing as we are our own team, we are grown up enough to decide where we would like to play. Their attempt at 'running the show' failed. It is quite obvious that they can't even handle the security of a match between our team and theirs, so they sent it to a neutral ground. I have no further comments about the immaturity of the Sarzonian team except that if this occurs again, our team will decide where we play, not them."

The 1-0 loss to the Stars prooved that the Titans can at least put up a fight, especially at holding the Sarzonian offense to one goal. Perhaps this is a sign of improvement for the next match? The new defensive drills have proven that they have been successful with the results of this match.

"You certainly couldn't expect us to pull off such a defeat of the best team in the World Cup. That's nearly impossible, but respect has been earned by holding them to one goal, not even allowing them to pull away with the game. We gave them a run for their money, whether they admit it or not." said the Head Coach after the match.

Owens reacts to 'childish' insults

WOODSTOCK (ASP) -- Following the announcement of comments by Euroslavian Head Coach Lars Pettersson labelled as "needlessly incendiary", Sarzonia Coach Barry Owens lashed out at the Titans following Sarzonia's 1-0 win over the Titans in neutral New Montreal States.

"It seems as though Pettersson is more interested in lobbing insults than he is in looking at the facts," Owens said in a press conference following the match. "We were looking out for the safety of everyone involved by asking to have the home fixture moved out of Woodstock and then later out of Sarzonia."

"We appealed to the World Cup Committee to have the matches played at neutral sites to ensure fairness and to ensure the safety of all players. To suggest that we can't handle security at our own grounds is blatant ignorance of the facts," Incorporated Football Federation Chairman Terry Mangione said. "But that's no surprise considering the source."

"To even suggest that we were 'running the show' with the World Cup is flat out wrong and flat out stupid," Assistant Coach Cal Trottier said. "We suggested the away fixture take place in New Montreal States to make things easier for their fans to attend the match and their football association offered to host their match since they're in the same region with Euroslavia. We have no control over what the World Cup Committee decides."

The Stars said they would concentrate on their upcoming match against southern neighbours and football archrivals Crystilakere and attempt to put the rancor of their match against Euroslavia behind them.

"We've got to get Bryan Marshall Stadium rocking against the Crystils," team captain Trevor Crenshaw said. "The match against Euroslavia is over and done with until we play the return leg in Hypocrium. Hopefully, that will bring a minimum of controversy."

That will be easier said than done. Former Sarzonian ambassador to Euroslavia Nancy Peleliu said there was "extensive collateral damage" to Euroslav-Sarzonian relations. "If relations are to be restored, it will not be easy," she said. "It won't be done if Euroslavia continues to lob insults at Sarzonia and Sarzonia continues to lob insults at Euroslavia."

Seventh goalless match in a row

“This has to be some kind of record,” coach laments

“We may need to start rethinking our strategy,” player Jean Kitenge suggested after Ariddia welcomed Milchama and lost by one goal to nil. Most commentators agreed that Ariddia’s defence looked “solid”, but that the team’s play was perhaps a little too focused on defence.

“There’s a sort of national memory that the old team, in the early years, used to struggle sometimes with defence,” one journalist said. “I think our present team feel they have weaknesses, and that they have to focus on maintaining a strong defence. But that tends to make for a rather imbalanced strategy.”

“Not consolidating our defences wouldn’t make us more effective attackers,” team captain Ue Alt disagreed. “As things stand, we aren’t conceding many goals. We shouldn’t rush things. We need to build on what we’ve done so far, rather than start panicking. If we start attacking too much, we’ll be conceding a lot of goals and not necessarily scoring all that many in return.”

Alt also commented on the amazing achievements of team Alasdair I Frosticus.
“I can’t say we’re not surprised, because we are. But we’re very pleased for them, and we hope they can keep up their form.”

Ariddia’s fifth match will be away in Limbrogidlia, an essentially unknown team.

“At least we get to travel around and see interesting places,” Kitenge commented, perhaps a little bitterly.

PALADINS STUMBLE AGAINST KRYTENIA, RECOVER AGAINST AN ARCHY

Paladin Dome fails to work its magic in 3-2 loss

NEW MONTREAL - The NMS Paladins have failed to prove their worthiness to ascend to the top of world football.

By choking in a 3-2 home loss against 6th-ranked Krytenia, the Paladins have shown an inability to keep up with strong, active programs such as the Aces, which does not bode well for the rest of the tournament.

Granted, the next set of players rebounded well with a 1-0 win at An Archy, in which Michel Sauve (the finest striker in NMS, and the lone reason his team actually qualified to play for NMS in the cup) worked his magic in the 54th minute, taking a throw-in by Yves Bedard past two An Archist defenders and into the net for a goal.

Still, as Paladins coach William Branstone pointed out after the Krytenia match: "We've a ways to go yet if we want to take our program to the next level. Our defense was highly disappointing - you can't give up 3 goals to a world-class team like Krytenia and hope to win or draw. And our offense - with only one goal - needs some work too. Hopefully we can turn this 3-2 loss into a 1-0 loss for the next game. That would be some progress right there."

After the An Archy game, he said: "Good rebound by the program. Sometimes in this system, after a loss, the new team sort of picks up lingering bad feelings. None of that happened this time, which bodes well for these guys next time we lose to Krytenia."

Ariddians celebrate first goal

The Rouge-et-Noirs are still without a victory, and with a grand total of one point out of a possible fifteen, after five matches played. The team’s away defeat in little-known Limbrogidlia was almost expected, and certainly no surprise. But fans who had made the trip seemed oddly relieved, even cheerful, upon leaving the stadium.

The game began cautiously, with both sides defending well against a few tentative attacks. On four occasions, Ariddian goalkeeper Sandrine Leduc saved well-aimed shots on goal, while her opposite number proved an effective obstacle against a shot by Clément and one by Sanjeeb.

The opening goal came in the thirty-eighth minute, after Leduc deflected the ball over the bar, thus conceding a corner kick for Limbrogidlia. The Limbrogidlians’ second, winning goal came in the sixtieth minute, after Ariddia defender Tim Wald was yellow-carded and Limbrogidlia was able to convert a free kick, shattering Ariddia’s hopes of maintaining a draw and of salvaging a precious point.

However, defeat only partially dampened fans’ spirits. For the fifty-fourth minute of the game brought what Ariddians had been desperately waiting for since the beginning of the competition: an Ariddian goal.

It began with a counter-attack, and Leduc blocking a superbly angled shot on goal, then passing quickly to E Te. Te took the ball partway up the field, then had to pass to Alt, who, confronted with a Limbrogidlian defender, kicked it over to fellow midfielder Ta I. For a moment it looked like offside, and defence was converging, so that the young Ta I had to try a quick shot with her left foot. To the crowd’s delight, the ball followed a magnificent curve which carried it straight into the goal cage for a (temporary) equaliser. After four goalless matches in the Cup, Ta I had scored her team’s first goal.

“I was ecstatic!” the nineteen year-old Indigenous midfielder from Rêvane FC, beaming and breathless, told journalists after the game. “It was a great team effort, and we carried it through. Yes, we lost, but we’ve finally found a right balance for our play, our style, and I honestly think it’s going to make a difference. We won’t be losing all our matches any more! Oh, and the fans were great! Absolutely great! Keep on supporting us like this, and things will keep on getting better!”

With that long-awaited achievement, it barely seemed to matter that Ariddia had suffered its fourth defeat in five games. Fans of both sides had something to be happy about.

http://bellsouthpwp.net/h/a/harleyt_1387/bsd_banner.png

Yes, we're alive, and so are the Lions

SONOMA CITY -- Now that the entire BSD staff has finally managed to return from an ill-fated trip to Lovisa, on which we embarked about two months ago to cover the World Cup qualifier there, we are finally able to bring you reports about the Lions' qualification run. Unfortunately, time is short for us today as we try to get the office back in order, so we'll have to be brief.

matchdayone
Nanakaland 0 - 2 Bedistan
This time the Lions started out on the road against mediocre Nanakaland. Our team has always been inordinately fond of the 2-0 scoreline, and that showed in this match as English and Orr split the glory between them at one goal each.
Scorers: (none) - English 6, Orr 64

matchdaytwo
Bedistan 1 - 0 Athestan
The Lions' play in this match was described by the fans as extremely weak; for some reason the home side seemed to have gotten cold feet and were refusing to take any risks at all. Only Pat Romano was able to save face for the Lions in this battle of the 'stans.
Scorers: Romano 73 - (none)

matchdaythree
Lovisa 0 - 1 Bedistan
But the Lovisa match showed why the Lions played as they did against Athestan. They seemed to be practicing a new tactic dubbed "Bedistani Karela" by right winger Greg Moon. Bedistani Karela operates very differently from the standard Rejistanian version, in that the focus is placed on the midfield rather than on defense, the object being to maintain as much possession as possible so that the opponents don't even have a chance at a scoring attempt. The tactic was used to great success in one of the Lions' most difficult matches of this qualifying run; it was described as "almost as boring as 'real' Karela", but in conjunction with Tara Stalls' lone first-half goal, it was enough for three points.
Scorers: (none) - Stalls 36

matchdayfour
Demonlord12 1 - 5 Bedistan
And yet after that great success against Lovisa, the Lions apparently decided to abandon the tactic. There was an early scare after an accidental Lauren Gunn own goal gave the home side a 1-0 lead, but everything was quickly set aright in what surely proved to be at least a more interesting match.
Scorers: Gunn og 7 - Orr 17, 48; English 58, 81; Porter 31

matchdayfive
Bedistan 6 - 0 Kipto-Mare
The Lions still weren't done with their high-scoring ways, but this time they managed to execute their play flawlessly in a 6-0 destruction of Kipto-Mare, giving them the best record in all of World Cup 25 qualifying and making them one of only four remaining teams with a perfect 5-0-0 record.
Scorers: Orr 3, 47, 74; Stalls 24; English 19, 63 - (none)

matchdaysix
Cuation v Bedistan
Now the Lions prepare to face Baptism of Fire champions Cuation. Will their run of form hold, or are they on a roller coaster that's just passed the top of the hill?

schedule
2084
May 13 @ Nanakaland W 2-0
Jun 24 v Athestan W 1-0
Jul 15 @ Lovisa W 1-0
Aug 19 @ Demonlord12 W 5-1
Sep 9 v Kipto-Mare W 6-0
Oct 7 @ Cuation
Nov 11 v The Weegies
Dec 9 @ Spruitland

2085
Jan 27 v Trebnak
Feb 24 v Nanakaland
Mar 3 @ Athestan
Apr 28 v Lovisa
May 5 v Demonlord12
Jun 16 @ Kipto-Mare
Jul 14 v Cuation
Aug 4 @ The Weegies
Sep 29 v Spruitland
Oct 13 @ Trebnak

Battle of the Religious Leaders Comes....at a draw?

Yep, that's correctimundo. Today's game against Pastorville, designed to finally designate who should have won in that Baptism of Fire match, came out largely indicisive as it ended in a two to two draw. Pastorville, country of protestants, and the Macabees, country of a warped Judeo-Christian religion with a pope as its pontifex maximus, had no alleviation to know who God really favoured, and just like during the Baptism of Fire, the game came out a draw, except this time Pastorville didn't have extra time to pound their foe into dogmatic submission. However, the game does offer a few perks that the Macabee National Team is somewhat happy about, especially those two points scored, which at least give the team points scored, when it had gone through four games without a point. This jumpstarts the career of Otto Mannerheim, and amazingly, the game has also revamped the career of goalkeeper Kahn, who managed to keep the game at a draw after some spectacular saves.

Otto Mannerheim - '14
Otto Mannerheim - '67


Otto Mannerheim, as usual, was the star of the game, scoring both goals, leaving all other fowards goaless so far, although the team set them up for he could score. Indeed, it's understood that he is the spirit of football in the Empire right now, which is embroiled in a war of succession. The two goals come as the only goals scored for the team so far, with nine scored against, leaving it with a negative seven goal difference, and leaving it still last in the group. Nevertheless, the two goals come as a brief respite, knowing that the team still has some punch within it, although nobody knows how much punch they're going to have in their game tomorrow against The Lowland Clans, who also ended in a draw today against The Solar Association, the team the Macabees absolutely need to defeat in order to end their tour of duty in Kaze Progressa with at least some face. However, it also offers some hopes for an actual victory against The Lowland Clans, and to that effect Kahn will be playing the entire game tomorrow as well, hoping that his new found strengths will do their part in the team's fortune.

The draw between The Lowland Clans and The Solar Association comes as a shock, it was expected that the latter would lose with its face thrown into the dirt, however, that wasn't the case, and the team is now thinking that they had underestimated the team, although they had always planned to do their absolute best in the upcoming game against The Solar Association, to finally set who would end eigth and who would end last. Strangely, Andrasuvare has also scored a draw against Svecia, who had defeated The Macabees one to zero the first matchday, much to the chagrin of the Empire's fans. Still, nobody has lost faith in their team and they are continously rooted for until the end.

The first of Otto Mannerheim's goals was amazing, being passed the ball outside of the box, and shooting from a distance as hard as possible, putting the ball straight into the net of the opposing team. However, the game was quickly recovered by Pastorville in their own goal about ten minutes later, breaking up the team's defense and smacking Kahn in the face with a tie. Four minutes later the team put in another goal against Kahn, giving them the two to one advantage. Nonetheless, the Imperial team pressed hard, attempting a shot minute '37, although blocked. The final tie came at minute '67 with another long shot from Mannerheim, who has been pinpointed as one of the strongest shots in the World Cup. The rest of the game was uneventful with slow offensives and harsh defenses, providing that no team gain the advantage.

The team and fans alike are waiting for the second match against Pastorville, next time an away game, hoping to actually win that match. However, most attribute the draw to the fact that it was a home game, and expect a defeat the second time around. Nonetheless, after two straight defeats the fans were truly lifted in spirit after this latest draw, hoping that the game tomorrow ends with a similar conclusion, or maybe even a better conclusion. It never hurt to hope. But, again, the draw has been a true respite for the team.


Pos Team P W D L F A GD Pts
1 Squornshelous 5 5 0 0 8 1 7 15
2 Svecia 5 3 1 1 11 3 8 10
3 Rejistania 5 3 1 1 9 3 6 10
4 The Archregimancy 5 3 0 2 6 3 3 9
5 Pastorville 5 2 1 2 5 6 -1 7
6 The Lowland Clans 5 2 1 2 5 8 -3 7
7 Brazillico 5 0 3 2 2 4 -2 3
8 Adrasuvare 5 0 3 2 4 11 -7 3
9 The Solar Association 5 0 2 3 2 6 -4 2
10 The Macabees 5 0 2 3 2 9 -7 2



2:2
The Macabees:Pastorville

The Daily Druid

NOSEBLEEDS RIFE ACROSS DRUIDA
By Eric Tree

With their latest scoreline from World Cup 25 qualifying, a one-nil victory in Israel4Ever, the Rainbows made it five wins out of five so far in their campaign. They top the group by three points to Fmjphoenix, who have now won four on the bounce since their wake-up call against Druida on day one. Meanwhile, holders Liverpool England languish five points off top spot after a four-one thrashing at the hands of Oglethorpia.

The unbelievable start by the Druids means that they are in an uncharacteristically good position for a Druidan team at this stage of qualifying. The last time this happened for any team from the Druidish Lands was for NEWI Cefn Druids in World Cup 16 qualifying, when they went for the opening six games with victories.

But that was only a ten game campaign. This is eighteen games. Druidan football fans are, in usual fashion, as cautious as ever about the campaign. The cries from pubs up and down the country are that it is all bound to be a downhill struggle from here on in.

Elastic Edwards isn't seeing it like that, though. "It's all down to System Hisisim. No-one has tried such a system on such a scale before. Now we have, and it is working wonders! OK, so one-nil over a complete newcomer might not be as comprehensive as it gets, but we did rest a few players for that one. Trevor Bent deserved his run out and his goal, while Ricky Mallon needs all the rests he can get at his age."

"It is working, though. We've proved it against teams playing both karelan and takil formations, as well as more standard ones. System Hisisim, or 2-7-1 in normal terms, is the way to go."

Golden Wolves Only Two Points Away From The Top Spot In Group 12

It was a jubilant throng of closely packed Yaforite fans who followed the Golden Wolves down the streets of Ajer, threading there way out of the completely full Zydrakos Dome. They were a riot of colors, faiths, ethnicities, livelihoods, indeed, the only unifying factor was their love for their national team. And why not? The Golden Wolves were third in their group (in qualifing zone) and were not only two points ahead of the team behind them, but they were that same amount (2 points) clear from the top team (Total 'N Utter Insanity[more commonly known as TnUI]).

Why did it matter that the Golden Wolves had just tied a game against a team which was ranked lower than them (a team which were the runners-up in the last Baptism of Fire)? Why did it matter that they are playing one of the top teams in the world, one which has criticised them for being a "useless team" for decades (well not that long...Hockey Canadian - Yaforite relations haven't even existed for that long)? It was their days to celebrate.

Game 4
Yafor 2 3 - RyukyuDaitoKazanNampo 0

The previously stagnant Golden Wolves offense finally gained a boost; this time in the form of a RyukyuDaitoKazanNampo side whose defense was...less than inspiring. Their goalkeeper managed to keep them in the game, or at least, keep them from having such a huge blowout that then the game wouldn't be worth even talking about. Nonetheless, it was a good game, for the Golden Wolves.

The first break came in the early first half, 13:42, to be exact. Damiel Fraten, using skills that few posses dribbled down the side, faking this way and that. At last, he pulled the trigger and a beautiful cross floated into the middle. Francisco Malar, poised and ready, jumped gracefully into the air and the ball careened off his head, heading into the bottom right corner of the goal. It was an incredible play from both men.

The other two goals were generic repeats of each other. A center midfielder dirbbled it down, a few passes were incurred from among the members of the Golden Wolves side, and then a forward, Fernando Malar in the 54th minute and Francisco Malar, again, in the 67th minute, took an easy shot on goal. In the end, the game was a blowout, and YAforite fans were excited to see their team come home for the next game.

Game 5
Yafor 2 0 - Andossa Se Mitrin Vega 0

Once in a while comes along a game that, while exciting in it's mere details, is by no chance any game that anyone would want to watch. This game was like that. Both team's midfields dominated, possessing the ball to such an extent that it was surprising every time that the ball changed possetion. However, neither team even came near to the goal box, let alone shots. The Golden Wolves had one shot on target, a Captain Gerod Flamer shot which bounced off the crossbar, and Andossa Se Mitrin Vega had 0 shots on target.

With an important game coming up in Hockey Canada, the Golden Wolves will be ready for anything. But, for now, extacsy reigns in the streets of Ajer and we can only hope that the players are not up partying for TOO long.

-Excerpt from The Ajerite Sun.

MONASTIC TIMES

ARCHREGIMANCY LOSE TO REJISTANIA
Rejistanian attack means victory
"Team has come a long way since last meetings" says coach

By Fr. Nicholas the Scribe


Reports are gradually filtering in to the Dreamed Realm of the Archregimancy's 1-0 loss overnight to Rejistania. Details remain sketchy due to the Holy Synod's reluctance to send a delegation of away supporters to the land of the Hexing Tuxedo, a mysterious object believed to be at the centre of the arcane rites of heathen Rejistanian idolatry.

Coach Kyrill, Metropolitan of Solovetsky, was among the first to return through the portal to the Dreamed Realm. After complaining bitterly about being forced to play on a Sunday, the coach noted how far his squad had come since World Cup XXIV qualifying: "Last time around, the Rejistanians thrased us by four or five goals - a highly un-karelan performance - this time they only managed to beat us 1-0. If that doesn't show how far we've come in a very short time, I don't know what does."

Indeed, initial reports claim that had it not been for the distractions caused to the team by Coach Kyrill's insistence on performing the Divine Liturgy on the sidelines during the match in recognition of the sabbath, the team might well have come away with a draw. When both Fr. Dmitri the Humble and Fr. Michael the Greater went to the sidelines for Holy Communion at the same time, the squad were briefly left without any central defenders on the pitch, allowing the Rejistanians to sneak a 73rd minute goal during a rare home attack. Or if not an 'attack', which apparently is an unpopular word in Rejistania, whatever term or phrase the karelans use to describe 'crossing into the opponent's half and putting the ball into the opposing net'.

Both the Holy Synod and the MFA are said to be reviewing the practice of performing Divine Liturgy during Sunday matches in order to avoid a repeat of last night's result. "Coach Kyrill's devotion to the Liturgy is commendable" said a senior Archimandrite, speaking on condition of anonymity, "but perhaps not entirely practical in the footballing context".

In other World Cup news, the Archregimancy have slipped to fourth in the table, but only one point behind second and third in the group following Svecia's shock draw away to Adrasuvare. "Our own upset loss to Pastorville seemed fairly bad at the time, but it looks as if upsets are going to happen this tournament" said team captain Fr. Polycarp the Venerable. "So there's no need for concern yet. We know we're realistically not going to match Rejistania or Squornshelous. Our strategy has always been to hope for points against Svecia and the Lowland Clans, and hope for some help from other teams - and the Lord our God, of course. So losing to Rejistania is no real biggie. It's the Svecia and Lowland Clans matches we need to get upset results in, and so far we're 25% of the way there on that front - thanks be to God"

The Bureaucratic Tribune

Whoa...like, dude.

OGLETHORPIA (BT) -- In what might be best explained as a bad nation-wide acid trip, up until now, the whole of Oglethorpia has essentially forgotten about World Cup 25. Concerning the plague of apathy, Premier Hugo Gurkemann apologized. "We were busy. We forgot. We're sorry."

Oglethorpia's populace was surprised by the decent preformance of the Ostriches through five matchdays -- which they readily expect to abrubtly turn around now that people are interested again.

"Of course they do alright when everyone's hung over," said one fan.

Matchday six is nearly upon the Ostriches -- they presumably face a nation within their group, possibly, perhaps, maybe. Only time shall tell (we're still figuring out what's going on.)

4th straight win moves Vikings behind Druida for top spot in Group 3

Powell Lamar felt good in the morning. He definetly felt good in the afternoon to as he completely shut out the Milchama. Lamar's solid performence was backed by goals from Mike Nolan and Andrew Jenkins and the Vikings moved up to second place with a 2-0 victory over Milchama.

I am only cutting this short because I have too much running on m laptop. I will finished sometime after HT matches

Fmjphoenix: 2 - Milchama: 0

Nolan 32, Jenkins 85 - None

Fmjphoenix Vikings
World Cup 25 Qualification Schedule
MD01: Fmjphoenix @ Druida 1-3 Loss
MD02: Fmjphoenix vs System Karela 4-0 Win
MD03: Fmjphoenix @ Israel4Ever 1-0 Win
MD04: Fmjphoenix vs Alan Shearer Heaven 3-1 Win
MD05: Fmjphoenix @ Milchama 2-0 Win
MD06: Fmjphoenix vs Limbrogidlia
MD07: Fmjphoenix @ Oglethorpia
MD08: Fmjphoenix vs Liverpool England
MD09: Fmjphoenix @ Ariddia
---------------------------------------
MD10: Fmjphoenix vs Druida
MD11: Fmjphoenix @ System Karela
MD12: Fmjphoenix vs Israel4Ever
MD13: Fmjphoenix @ Alan Shearer Heaven
MD14: Fmjphoenix vs Milchama
MD15: Fmjphoenix @ Limbrogidila
MD16: Fmjphoenix vs Oglethorpia
MD17: Fmjphoenix @ Liverpool England
MD18: Fmjphoenix vs Ariddia
---------------------------------------
Record: 1-0-1

Viking Goalscorers:
Nolan 4
Ijanaeil 3
Boyd 2
Jenkins 2

ON BEHALF OF ALASDAIR I FROSTICUS

HOLY EMPIRE HERALD

HOLY EMPIRE FINALLY LOSES MATCH
Loss put down to lack of helpful freak accidents or corrupt officials

By Constantine Ducaso
Archregimancy correspondent

The Imperials finally managed to get the unexpected winning streak monkey off their back last night as they crashed to a wholly expected 3-1 loss to Bipedal Apes.

Coach Juan Tzimisces Jr. ascribed the loss to "slavishly attempting to ape the opposition's style of play", but promised that there would be no more monkey business from here on in. "We've been playing like a bunch of baboons so far" said the coach, noting that the team had to step up and match the gorillas of the World Cup jungle if they weren't to be embarrassed in their upcoming matches.

The sole goal was scored by Attilio Diocles, who - unlike with his previous goal-scoring effort - actually seemed to be intending to shoot on target with his 78th minute free-kick. Unfortunately, by that time Bipedal Apes were 3-0 up, and had made the home team look as inept as a bunch of footballing chimpanzees.




sort of ooc:
HOLY EMPIRE HERALD CONTEST
Now you too can attempt to explain away the unexpected form of Alasdair I Frosticus!

If the Imperials' current unexpectedly good form continues, HEFA might conceivably run out of wacky explanations of just how their plague-ravaged team somehow overcame the odds and won the game. So far, explanations have included:

1) Homicidal maniac right winger threatens referee into throwing the game
2) Risibly incompetent shot bounces off corner flag, then off forward's buttock, then into goal
3) Corrupt opposition-hating referee disallows 26 perfectly legitimate goals, handing win to Holy Empire
4) Lightening strikes opposing dressing room at half-time, leading amnesia-struck opposition to score two second half own goals.

Can you do better?

Telegram your suggestions to Alasdair I Frosticus or the Archregimancy, and the best three (suitably acknowledged) will be used as the World Cup continues. That's assuming, of course, that the squad somehow manage to win another three games against the odds.

[even more OOC: suggestions that involve the death or post-match incapacitation of the opposition will not be considered (likewise suggestions that require sending off the opposition); temporary incapacitation _during_ the match is perfectly fine so long as all of the opposition's team are able to play in their next match]

WARRIORS FALL PREY TO RAPTORS

The Praying2God Warriors had a private players only meeting after a 1-2 defeat at the hands of Raptor Claw in a match they should have and needed to win if they had any dreams of qualifying. The Warriors seemed to play uninspired soccer throughout the match, and didn't even energize after Thomas Larson cut the Warriors' deficit to the 1-2 final in the 31st minute. Needless to say, the Warriors were left doing some serious soul-searching, especially with their next three matches being against teams ranked higher than them. The Warriors' next match in Casari has become a "must win" match if they have any dreams of qualifying. Will they be able to regain the momentum they had at the beginning of qualifying and make a serious run at qualifying, or are we in for a repeat of the Warriors' WC XXIV fiasco? Only time will tell.

SAINTS OFF TO BETTER THAN EXPECTED START

In all honesty, everybody in Pastorville is surprised at the moderate success of the national team in WC XXV. Most people were figuring that four points was the most that their team would have at this point in the WC, so an early seven points is seen as promising. However, two of the Saints' next three matches are against Rejistania's system karela and Squornshelous, which will likely end in a pair of blow-out losses for the Saints. Those matches should still be a good learning experience for the Saints, who are definitely ahead of the pace that anybody would have put them at.

Alexandria Times-Post-Gazette-Chronicle-Journal-Enquirer

Sports Section

Ups and Downs in MDs 3-5

After a horrible start to their qualification campaign with two losses in their first two matches the Milchama Warriors needed key results in Matchdays 3 thru 5. They close to what they needed with a tie against Liverpool England and win against Arridia. The loss against Fmjphoenix was bad but the Warriors could still do well with some luck. Coach Fairbanks said, "The result against Liverpool England was more than we could have hoped for in our wildest dreams. Two goals in the 82nd and 89th minute to tie the game up unbelievable." About the Arridia game he said, "We won it wasn't pretty but a win is a win even when all you do is give one good ball into Bantin who does well you still won." Then about the Fmjphoenix game he said, "We got cocky we thought that we could the same thing like we did against Liverpool England and we could not so we lost."

Milchamian scorers
Liverpool England 2 (wish i knew names)
Milchama 2 (Floren 82, Copperlee 89)

Milchama 1 (Bantin 27)
Arridia 0

Sea Dragons Falling Apart

After a great run in the BoF, and a run of 1 point losses in the JJJ, ASMV entered WC25 with high hopes. Everything appeared to be in place. The first two matches ended with 1 pt losses. The only surprise here was that the matches had been close. Hopes were on the rise. Then the bottom fell out.

Following the controversy of the blocked trade with Cuation, the team has been realing. Two games that they should have won(DaWhoselinePeople and Adam Island) only ammassed 1 pt for the Sea Dragons. The a pitiful showing against Yafor 2 resulted in a draw with absolutely no showing whatsoever from the ASMV attack. Rumors that D'Champaign will be dismissed as coach are flying everywhere.

ASMV 1 - DWP 1

Little offense from the team allowed DWP too many chances and the underdog finally scored in the 83rd minute to tie the game, which ended in a draw. The only score from the Sea Dragons came in the 41st minute by Evan Evans.

Adam Island 2 - ASMV 1

Another game that the team had expected to dominate. Howevere once again, the attack failed to materialize. The lone goal in this one came from Pablo Iglesias in the 72nd minute.

ASMV 0 - Yafor 2 0

This game showcased the absolute futility of the ASMV attack. No shots on goal were managed at all.


Now the Sea Dragons have fallen from Cinderella Hopefulls to just another team trying to not end up on the bottom. This makes the next game vs RyukyuDaitoKazanNampo extremely important as the team is desperately in need of three point before squaring off against Hocckey Canada, Nedalia, Spaam, TnUI, and Eauz - in that very devastating order.

In hopes to change things for the better, the team has switched from its 5-4-1 formation to a 5-3-2. Evan Evans has been moved to the midfield and Porche Alexander moved to start at striker with Pablo. Hopefull this will add a spark that the team desperately needs to find.

Disbelief in Liverpool England as defending Cup champs humiliated

CCL, Liverpool England - Disbelief was the theme of the day around Liverpool England as news of the defending World Cup champions' shock 4-1 defeat away at Oglethorpia filtered through. As no local TV company had the rights to coverage from the game, people were treated to a dull 1-0 Sarzonian win over Euroslavia on television, in a match played at the National Stadium in Liverpool England on neutral soil.

When the commentators mentioned at the end of the match that the latest score from Oglethorpia in group 3 was 4-0 to the hosts with seven minutes to play, a collective groan could literally be heard around the nation. As sports Liverpool England's Terminators LIVE commentator Mike Brown told the Orean Broadcasting Corporation (BCO), "When we got the message in the studio we couldn't believe it ourselves. We were commentating on an already quite-dull game, and now we had to tell the public that their team - defending champions - had lost 4-1. It was very awkard."

Liverpool England are now five points off the pace in Group 3, in the third and final qualifying spot on goal difference from Oglethorpia.

"So how did you do it, then?"

The story wasn't to break into the public domain until the following day, when the Daily Druid would hit the newstands. But as Liam Gessemschmitthaagen-Po was in Bill Posters company now... well, he might as well tell him.

"Simple really."

"It was?"

"Yeah. When I gave them those documents the other week. I just put a bugging device in the paper clip and, there we go, got 'em!"

"So is Ellis going to have to resign, then?"

"Too right! We got him on tape talking to Ed Wilson, we got them confessing to the existance of evidence that helped them win the election unjustly... they're done for!"

"So does that mean... well, what does that mean?"

"It means that we've got to hit the campaign trail again, my friend! The election is the day after the Druida - Ariddia game. We've got to be ready for it, even more than we were last time."

OC: can I change styles? -1 please?

Cuation 2 points in five games: Unacceptable

With manager and warlord Jude under increasing pressure after a heave 4-0 defeat, he has annonced that the team will not sit back so much, instead playing less defensivly to try and score more goals. The problem is deemed to have been playing too defensivly, the pressure resulting in ten goals conceded and a mere two goals scored.

The team has been found wanting in the big stage it seems

shock defeat to Astheton

An uhappy bow for Neville Clarkson, too slow to reac a backpass, the legend was rounded in the fifth minute, a goal the team never came back from. The teams confidence was shot and despite controlling the match, errors blighted the performance, missing easy chances, being too fancy and losing the ball to often.

4-0 humliation

Playing a strong Lovisa side with little confidence is never a good thing but Gary Jens return was greeted with many cheers. Alas, without match practise at this level, the expirenced goalie was a little slow to dangers but had he been match fit, the scoreline would have been the same. Cuation never had a shot, being completly controlled, by the end, Cuation where lucky the scoreline wasn't bigger.

Next Match: Bedistan

Gary Jens should have enough match practise by now but it would take some luck and confidence to return before the team can consider cuasing an upset to the unbeaten group leaders, Bedistan. Expect a rout as the team try to come to terms with this level

Praying2God's video wanted over here

The Cuation goverment have asked for around three million vidieo's to meet the starting demand and then a constant supply to satisfy its people. The people of Cuation need humor that doesn't involve their team

[CENTER][B][COLOR="DarkRed"][SIZE="4"]MONASTIC TIMES
Reports are gradually filtering in to the Dreamed Realm of the Archregimancy's 1-0 loss overnight to Rejistania. Details remain sketchy due to the Holy Synod's reluctance to send a delegation of away supporters to the land of the Hexing Tuxedo, a mysterious object believed to be at the centre of the arcane rites of heathen Rejistanian idolatry.


The KaMaRi Update editor Xena I Sisde read the match report on the match from the non-inikresaist nation of the Archregimancy. "Weird!" he thought. He wrote a letter to the editor, which would be sent to the Archregimancy at their next match


Hejida,

Hexatux is neither a hexing tuxedo nor a symbol of worship. Hexatux is a computer. If you do not know that, look into a lexicon. It does not run on magic but on electricity and caffeine. Maybe you should get an idea what the term means before making your own guesses: "'hexa" means to give orders "hexa'het" means among other things "line-up". "Tux" refers to the mascot of the operating System Linux. This means, Hexatux is a Linux-run computer, which gives match orders. Okay, it does more, but it is no icon. We know that it is a sin to pray to false gods. Taderekansa would not be pleased with that and would punish the non-believers.
Xena I Sisde, KaMaRi Update/han'ines KMR
Va veka,

thsd:NEWS
Dynas In The Oven

THE Aces cruised to victory last night in the first ever international game to be held in the city of Secklow. Twenty-nine thousand fans at The Mound watched their favourite sky blue clad footballers humble The Gupta Dynasty by four goals to one.

The start, however, was quite slow, Krytenia seeming a little tired after their close victory over New Montreal States just three days earlier. It took a whole half hour for them to even get a shot on target, and when Kennedy's shot was parried by goalkeeper Rajinder Gupta, Robin Spivey was there to pick up the pieces. A lapse of concentration, however, late in the half allowed Talvin Gupta to slide home an equaliser.

Nick Caraiani's entry into the fray in the second half (on for a struggling Signoriello) seemed to gee up the flagging side. Seven minutes in, it was his chipped pass that found Kennedy at the corner of the box, and he neatly dispatched the ball to put Krytenia in front. In the sixty-sixth minute, Caraiani himself scored, a jinking run from midfield saw him pass two defenders before deftly chipping the ball past the onrushing goalie.

With ten minutes remaining, Harbidjan Gupta was sent off for a scything proffesional foul on Spivey, and from the free-kick Simon Ziov lashed the ball in off the post. A convincing victory in the end, and a chance for the Aces to put their feet up before their next match.

Hypocria Bound?

HYPOCRIUM, the capital of Hypocria, has emerged as the frontrunner to host the Cafetiere Cup between Krytenia and FMJPhoenix next February. A decision between the KFA and FAF is expected soon, however the Hyppodrome does look like the likely option.

KRYTENIA - 4
Spivey 30
Kennedy 52
Caraiani 66
Ziov 81
THE GUPTA DYNASTY - 1
T Gupta 42

SCORERS
G. Kennedy: 6
R. Spivey: 4
N. Caraiani: 1
D. Signoriello: 1
C. Stevenson: 1
J. Terezzi: 1
S. Ziov: 1

QUALIFYING SCHEDULE
MD1: A v CAP L 0-1
MD2: A v ECH W 3-0
MD3: H v ANA W 5-0 (Mellion Lane, Davisham)
MD4: A v NMS W 3-2
MD5: H v TGD W 4-1 (The Mound, Secklow)
MD6: A v PGJ ?????
MD7: H v NCR ????? (Brecklands, Linford)
MD8: A v BET ?????
MD9: H v TON ????? (Sixways Stadium, Avidia)
MD10: H v CAP ????? (Oxley Park, Everton City)
MD11: H v ECH ????? (Mercia Stadium, Bromham)
MD12: A v ANA ?????
MD13: H v NMS ????? (Denbigh Park, Ousevale)
MD14: A v TGD ?????
MD15: H v PGJ ????? (Walton Gardens, Simpson)
MD16: A v NCR ?????
MD17: H v BET ????? (Davis Memorial Stadium, Everton City)
MD18: A v TON ?????

CAFE: N v FMJ ?????

Jeruselem Government News

World Cup 25, G4 results

Jeruselem played Chicanada today. Chicanada are a genuine contender for making the top 3, so it was not a picnic in sun game. After 90 minutes, both teams made no headway as the game ended in a 1 ALL draw. In the first 5 games, Jeruselem have played most contenders including Oaker, Hypocria and now Chicanada. Giant Zucchini and Nova Britannicus remain - we aren't doing to badly although those draws are starting to hurt a little.

Oaker rolled on but with a narrow win over impressive rookie team Alemeinia. Alemeinia lost 0-1 but Oaker are a great team even if they aren't playing at their best on the day.

Nova Britannicus conquered the Jacobian Tribes. The armies of Britannicus swept away the Tribes 3-1 and stay 2nd in Group 3 behind Oaker.

Hypocria won another game 1-0, against San-Lorenzo this time. Never write off the Hypocrians at your own risk.

Giant Zucchini wasted a chance with a 2 ALL draw against Kunar. While Kunar have a win, the super veges are veteran team who should have taken advantage of the game.

All in all, no shocks in Group 4. The top 3 are the same but from 3rd to 5th - 8 points - it's a close call. Jeruselem have only played three challenging games in 5 games - so the current records is not too bad. The loss was against Oaker. The bottom 3 are emerging but no one knows who the top 3 will be in end apart from Oaker who should be top dog.

GROUP 4
Nova Britannicus 3 Jacobian Tribes 1
Jeruselem 1 Chicanada 1
Alemeinia 0 Oaker 1
Giant Zucchini 2 Kunar 2
Hypocria 1 San-Lorenzo 0


GROUP 4
Pos Team P W D L F A GD Pts
1 Oaker 5 4 1 0 10 2 8 13
2 Nova Brittanicus 5 3 2 0 10 4 6 11
3 Jeruselem 5 2 2 1 9 6 3 8
4 Chicanada 5 2 2 1 8 8 0 8
5 Hypocria 5 2 2 1 8 9 -1 8
6 Giant Zucchini 5 1 3 1 10 7 3 6
7 Alemeinia 5 2 0 3 5 7 -2 6
8 Kunar 5 1 1 3 5 10 -5 4
9 Jacobian Tribes 5 0 2 3 5 10 -5 2
10 San-Lorenzo 5 0 1 4 4 11 -7 1

That's a bit more like it!

Hockey canadians can finally breathe a little easier now that they notched their first win in World Cup 25 qualifying. System Takela was a success in it's opening match- a 4-0 washout of Adam Island. Players were in their right positions for the 5-1-4 starting formation. Eventually, the Canucks will return to System Karela, but until then they'll gradually master it by moving more and more defensively.

The game started off like it ended- Hockey Canadian dominance. Rahul Kulkarni took control of the ball in the second minute and might as well took control of the game. Running practically through three Adam Island players en route to the net, Kulkarni ran in alone on the hapless Adam Island keeper and deftly put a shot behind him. Yanic Perrault made his first good appearance in the World Cup when he fired a shot from 30 feet inside half taking a wierd curve into the back of the net. Perrault's cannon-like shot has become famous in Hockey Canada.

On the other end of the field, Kyle Thomas was pretty much bored. Besides facing the two easy shots at him, it wasn't really a game to be proud about.

The second half saw another two goals- this time from Ike Broflovski. Broflovski displayed excellent skill with speed and ball control as he ran through Adam Island midfielders and defenders like pylons. Walking in on the Adam Island keeper unchallenged, the Adam Island tripped challenging Broflovski. A light tap over the keeper saw the canucks up 3-0. Magic struck as Syku Kansu, son of a family of Rejistanian immigrants, became the second youngest player in Hockey Canadian history to score in the World Cup.

Kansu picked up the ball from a cross from Srylanko deep in the box. A light touch with his head and another off his chest found his back to the net. Acting almost on instinct, he bicycle-kicked the ball into the net scoring what may be the best goal of the tournement. The 15 year old kid will be put on the stating lineup next game against Yafor 2 at Globe Arena-Stadium.

Kaze Progressans killed: 0

MD1: Hockey Canada @ Spaam (1-1 T)
MD2: Total n Utter Insanity @ Hockey Canada (Globen Arena-Stadium) (0-0 T)
MD3: Hockey Canada @ Eauz (0-2 L)
MD4: Da WhoseLine People @ Hockey Canada (Globen Arena-Stadium) (0-0 T)
MD5: Hockey Canada @ Adam Island (4-0 W)
MD6: Yafor 2 @ Hockey Canada (Globen Arena-Stadium)
MD7: Hockey Canada @ Andossa Se Mitrin Vega
MD8: Hockey Canada @ RyukyuDaitoKazanNampo
MD9: Nedalia @ Hockey Canada (Globen Arena-Stadium)
MD10: Spaam @ Hockey Canada (Irkutsk)
MD11: Hockey Canada @ Total n Utter Insanity
MD12: Eauz @ Hockey Canada (Irkutsk)
MD13: Hockey Canada @ Da WhoseLine People
MD14: Adam Island @ Hockey Canada (Anadyr)
MD15: Hockey Canada @ Yafor 2
MD16: Andossa Se Mitrin Vega @ Hockey Canada (Globen Arena-Stadium)
MD17: RyukyuDaitoKazanNampo @ Hockey Canada (Anadyr)
MD18: Hockey Canada @ Nedalia

Karelan victory against the Christians

The Archregimancy had no chance in this karelan match against the Orange-Blues. Estadije Ines Karela Lines was sold out despite the Orange-Blues performance in the last matches. Again, Rejistanian as well as Archregimancian fans had banners with similar slogans: "Repent!", "Believe in God", "Stop worshipping false idols!" in the language of the respective other nation.

The fact that a kind of ceremony, the Rejistanians had no clear concept of, was celebrated by the Archregimancy on the sidelines did not really help the match since it was kind of distracting. The Orange-Blues gave the opponent no chance in 100 to score. The quick pressing worked beautifully and the rejistanian fans saw many examples of good defense. Laksu Kynsu would be proud of the game until suddenly the central defenders from the Archregimancy left the pitch. Of course, Raju'he used the chance to score. The Orange-Blues later also had chances but one could see that they were happy with the score as it was. Therefore the match ended 1:0. Linux Raju later said: "If the opponent would have been inikresaist, we'd have had much more problems to score!"

Gurchev beaten: a bad sign

After a clean but, according to the media, dull match and some good work by Salenko, the Tadjik Tigers won their fourth match in a row without having to take a ball out of their own nets. Today, however, Dauna Hills succeeded in what four other teams had failed; getting past Gurchev.

Dauna Hills (supposedly connected to Fmjphoenix in some way) played a good game in front of their own audience and at times seemed to be going for the full three points. Their early goal in the first half certainly gave the impression that the Tadjik successes were over.

The cold shower of that first goal was what the Tigers needed (although some say Bahrom Sadirovs voice was the most important factor in their change of attitude), Pliiev and Salenko, the two men who have been the engine behind Tadjikistans offensive power once more proved that they deserved their place in the Tadjik national team with an equalizer in the seventeenth minute of the second half.

A sigh of relief went through the Tadjik corner of the Dauna Hills stadion as the defeat was averted. For the Sadirov brothers, a draw wasnt satisfactory. They wanted a win and they added substitute midfielder Mirdan, an offensive midfielder, to the selection in Kornilovs place.

The offensive power made the difference as the Tadjiks increased their hold on the ball. And slwoly they moved up and began pressing for another goal. A missed chance by Szarmach went over the top bar and a second attempt two minutes later by Zuhurov was caught by the Daunaian goalkeeper.

Where good combinations didnt do it, it was a bit of luck that decided the match. In the eighty third minute Galitski made a wild shot the grazed of a defender knee and over the Daunaian goalkeeper in his box.

A surprisingly good Dauna Hills gave the Tadjiks a lot of problems. The Tadjiks prevailed but it wasnt easy, it opponent was better than what the Tadjiks had encountered so far and it wasnt a 'one day fly'. They had beaten Kericia and Lethislavania, holding the fourth place in group 1 with a, for their ranking, excellent 3-1-1 record behind Vilita.

For goalkeeper Daniel Gurchev this match was a bad sign, a warning that the Tadjiks needed to watch out :'The first time I got beaten in this World Cup, that team that we should be brushed of our path with ease, but instead they put up quite a fight and pierced our defensive line. Its a clear sign that we need to do better urgently or we'll be the ones that get brushed of the path, the path to the World Cup.'

Bahrom Sadirov didnt want to be a pessimist but acknowledged that things werent going as smooth as he wanted: 'We are at the top of our group, thats a good thing. And currently only two teams can threaten us here. These are the two other strong sides in this group and we still have to play against them: Starblaydia and Vilita. So we should be prepared for a possible defeat, while we work on our play and fight for victory. The next homegame against Lethislavania is the last test before the first 'big clash', lets try to get it right.'


GROUP 1
Pos Team P W D L F A GD Pts
1 Tadjikistan 5 5 0 0 9 1 8 15
2 Starblaydia 5 4 1 0 10 2 8 13
3 Vilita 5 4 0 1 12 7 5 12
4 Dauna Hills 5 3 1 1 7 5 2 10
5 Kudlastan 5 2 0 3 4 5 -1 6
6 Metfield 5 1 1 3 3 5 -2 4
7 Rordia 5 1 1 3 5 8 -3 4
8 Lethislavania 5 1 1 3 5 9 -4 4
9 Kericia 5 1 0 4 4 12 -8 3
10 Da Philelfya Empiya 5 0 1 4 3 8 -5 1



Fixtures:
MD1: Da Philelfya Empiya - Tadjikistan W 0-2
MD2: Tadjikistan - Kericia W 3-0
MD3: Metfield - Tadjikistan W 0-1
MD4: Tadjikistan - Rordia W 1-0
MD5: Dauna Hills - Tadjikistan W 1-2
MD6: Lethislavania - Tadjikistan
MD7: Tadjikistan - Vilita
MD8: Kudlastan - Tadjikistan
MD9: Tadjikistan - Starblaydia
MD10: Tadjikistan - Da Philelfya Empiya
MD11: Kericia - Tadjikistan
MD12: Tadjikistan - Metfield
MD13: Rordia - Tadjikistan
MD14: Tadjikistan - Dauna Hills
MD15: Tadjikistan - Lethislavania
MD16: Vilita - Tadjikistan
MD17: Tadjikistan - Kudlastan
MD18: Starblaydia - Tadjikistan

Own Goal!
Episode 4: Shady Characters…

Commentator: …and the final whistle blows here. The final score from the Giant Zucchini National Stadium, Giant Zucchini 2, Kunar 2. We’ll bring you live now to the stands where our reporter is talking to Mr. James Gorton, coach of the Giant Zucchini side.

Reporter: Mr. Gorton, can we have a quick word please?

Gorton: Velocity…

(Gorton rushes through the tunnel in the Giant Zucchini National Stadium, players following quickly behind him. Among the spectators looking on, a greenish-looking spectator in a beige trench coat shakes his head as he looks on in disappointment.)

To be continued…

thsd:NEWS
Large Name, Small Hope

PAJA...Paya...Pager... Anyway, that team with the unpronouncable name has played host to the Aces - and lost. It was a simple, workmanlike victory, the visitors tucking up three points with a two-nil victory.

More to follow later.

PAGAJEUCIANISM - 0

KRYTENIA - 2
Spivey 11
Kennedy 73

SCORERS
G. Kennedy: 7
R. Spivey: 5
N. Caraiani: 1
D. Signoriello: 1
C. Stevenson: 1
J. Terezzi: 1
S. Ziov: 1

QUALIFYING SCHEDULE
MD1: A v CAP L 0-1
MD2: A v ECH W 3-0
MD3: H v ANA W 5-0 (Mellion Lane, Davisham)
MD4: A v NMS W 3-2
MD5: H v TGD W 4-1 (The Mound, Secklow)
MD6: A v PGJ W 2-0
MD7: H v NCR ????? (Brecklands, Linford)
MD8: A v BET ?????
MD9: H v TON ????? (Sixways Stadium, Avidia)
MD10: H v CAP ????? (Oxley Park, Everton City)
MD11: H v ECH ????? (Mercia Stadium, Bromham)
MD12: A v ANA ?????
MD13: H v NMS ????? (Denbigh Park, Ousevale)
MD14: A v TGD ?????
MD15: H v PGJ ????? (Walton Gardens, Simpson)
MD16: A v NCR ?????
MD17: H v BET ????? (Davis Memorial Stadium, Everton City)
MD18: A v TON ?????

CAFE: N v FMJ ?????

Zack Royce settled into his seat at Bryan Marshall Stadium in Woodstock eager to see the Sarzonian national football team take on the Crystilakere Crystils in a regional rivalry that suddenly took a back seat to the political machinations between Sarzonia and Euroslavia. He wasn't very interested in "political bullshit" as he put it.

"I just want to see us get the full three and put ourselves ahead of the table," he said. "We've got to play better than we did against the Titans."

Royce watched as his Stars played a lifeless match, with only goalkeeper Horace Sandt looking like he had any passion for the game. Forward Brian Wilson felt his knee "act up" and was not in the starting 11. Younger brother and fellow forward Kevin Wilson was suspended by Coach Barry Owens for violating a team rule later confirmed to be missing curfew. The starters up front, Kenny Cooper and Bruce Badger, played lifelessly, forcing Owens to bring Brian Wilson in to start the second half.

"C'mon lads! Act like ya got a pair," Royce yelled, trying to exhort his Stars to play with the passion they showed against Kylaai in a rivalry match. Even though the Stars (4-2-0, 14 points) were playing listlessly against former world champions Crystilakere, the Stars still slipped away with the better of the statistics. They outshot the Crystils 9-8, held the ball for 47 minutes to their southern neighbours' 43, and they fired seven corner kicks to Crystilakere's five. But they couldn't dent the scoreboard.

Following the listless 0-0 draw that resulted in Stars supporters chanting, "karela sucks" and "stop slani soccer," the Jumbotrons showed the Hypocria match. The groans and catcalls of the home side's sluggish result morphed into cheers and singing as the Hyppos took the match to Kunar, winning 3-1.

"I'm going to buy a Hyppos jersey," Royce said after the Hypocria match went final. "Dave Wilson's doing some great things with that side. Hopefully, he'll get them through to the next round." As for Royce, he pronounced the day "not a total disappointment," but said "we can't give away [standings] points. If it weren't for Five Civilized Nations beating Bakostrovia, we'd no longer be ahead in the table."

"We missed opportunities," Owens said in earshot of Royce. "That's the bottom line."

Another Draw!



Pos Team P W D L F A GD Pts
1 Squornshelous 5 5 0 0 11 1 10 18
2 Rejistania 5 3 1 1 9 3 6 11
3 Svecia 5 3 1 1 11 6 5 10
4 The Archregimancy 5 3 0 2 6 3 3 10
5 Pastorville 5 2 1 2 5 6 -1 8
6 The Lowland Clans 5 2 1 2 8 11 -3 8
7 Brazillico 5 0 3 2 4 4 0 6
8 Adrasuvare 5 0 3 2 4 11 -7 4
9 The Macabees 5 0 2 3 5 12 -7 3
10 The Solar Association 5 0 2 3 2 8 -6 2


In an unexpected encounter the Macabee national team scored a draw against The Lowland Clans with a most unusual score, pushing the team to ninth place, just one point away from Andasuvare, and three from Brazillico, while a whole five from the Lowland Clans, and the same number from Pastorville. The unexpected draw, and the expected loss of The Solar Association, has offered the team new opportunities after the relative dark skies that conjured after the loss against The Archregimancy, giving them new hopes for a victory against Adrasuvare, and hopefully eight placement, although now some of the team have dreams of even reaching seventh, and if lucky sixth or fifth, although everyone thinks that still highly unlikely. Nevertheless, the entire fanbase has improved moral after the rising in rank within the group, after a two place drop in these past days.

The three goals scored for were scored throughout the game at a more or less even pace, keeping with the relatively consistency of the team. The first goal was scored minute 17 by Seydlitz after a quick pass across the field from Paulus, putting the ball behind most of the defense. In a spectacular defense Seydlitz juked The Lowland Clan's defense, turned around, kicked the ball in the air, did a backwards flip, and put the ball into the net, amazing the other team and bringing the loudest cheers ever heard from the crowd. It was a play for the ages, although admittently the idea was stolen from Brazilian player Ronaldo. The second goal was scored minute 51, second half, after a three to one lose, after The Lowland Clan put three goals in a row. Nonetheless, the odds were made better by the goal from the golden feet of Otto Mannerheim. The third goal was scored again by Seydlitz minute 67, tying the game up three to three.

After a more or less consistent defense put up by both sides the game ended in a draw, giving both teams one more point, ensuring their placement sixth and ninth respectively. Nevertheless, the draw must have been disheartening for The Lowland Clans that now sit underneath Pastorville; but it was a good day for the Macabees. Not the best, but a good game. Of course, Mannerheim and Kahn would have better preferred a win, but you can't always get what you want as The Rolling Stones say.

Tomorrow, The Macabees will finally have their first of two showdowns against rival The Solar Association, setting in stone who will be left in tenth place within the group. Otto Mannerheim himself has given optimism for a defeat of their rival, ensuring the superiority of the Macabee team, but after the Crendonian debacle even he agrees that suprises are possible. In the best instance The Macabees will pull a victory, giving them a total of six points, putting them ahead of The Solar Association. At the same time Pastorville would pull ahead of Andrasuvare, allowing The Macabees to exchange placement with this, and Brazillico will have a defeat at the hands of Svecia, allowing The Macabees to only be inferior in terms of ranking to Brazillico due to the latter's more positive goal difference of zero. Nonetheless, it would be an absolutely massive turn of the tables to the advantage of the Macabees that would take a long time to reverse. This would further make itself true if one the ninth matchday The Macabees are able to pull off a victory against Andrasuvare, another rival of the team, giving them at the very least nine points, if the eight matchday turns out to be a complete massacre at the hands of Rejistania. But, with certain optimism, the future of the team has suddenly turned green, although with past experience we all know such green can quickly turn into a crisp brown.

In terms of other ranking, Squornshelous, who had put a five to zero disaster on The Macabees, is still ahead with a full seven points over their rivals, Rejistania, ensuring their placement as first of the group. Rejistania barely holds second, one point over Svecia. Nonetheless, it's expected that the first three placements will always be disputed amongst them three, ensuring that all three will make it into the finals, something that has proved elusive for the Macabees in both the Baptism of Fire and the World Cup. However, it's extremely well deserved for them.

Regardless, for the Macabees, the decisive battle comes tomorrow.

3:3
The Lowland Clans:The Macabees

Ariddia averts disaster

Mun Hwong-Chae (journalist): “Well, I’m with national team coach Adam Seul now in Haven-Port-Nouveau Stadium in Ariddia. Comrade Seul, what are your first impressions on the match? Is a two-nil defeat against a team like Oglethorpia a satisfying result? Or were you expecting better?”

Adam Seul (coach): “It’s not a bad performance, in any case. Oglethorpia have been our toughest opponent so far, and our girls and boys played well enough to concede only two goals, both of them in the second half of the match. A draw at half-time is quite an achievement, really. Having said that, I don’t think we can feel particularly happy about losing a game and scoring no goals, but yes, it’s a reasonably satisfying result.”

MHC: “Even for a home match?”

AS: “Even for a home match. The challenge now will be to do as well, if not better, on the return leg.”

MHC: “What about André Delherbe’s injury? That looked like a nasty sprain after that tackle. Is he all right?”

AS: “He will be. The medical team have assured me it’s nothing too serious. It’s painful, but he’ll probably be on his feet for the next match.”

MHC: “And you’ll be needing every asset for that one. Going up against the defending champions.”

AS: “Yes. And I’m rather concerned about the red card Ue was handed today. It was an unlawful tackle, but I did find it rather harsh of the referee. This means we’ll be playing the defending champions, on their home ground, without our team captain.”

MHC: “Do you think it’s a match you can win?”

AS: *laughs* “I think it’ll be difficult. Statistically, we’re an unranked team going up against a side that won the last Cup. Everyone will be expecting us to concede a whole barrage of goals and score none at all. We’ll be there to surprise everyone. We’ll be looking to achieve a draw, which would be a tremendous morale-booster.”

MHC: “Will the team still be playing a defensive 2-3-5 formation?”

AS: “Yes, but I’ll be telling the team to play more aggressively this time. They need to seize every opportunity to attack. It’s the only chance we have against the likes of Liverpool England. Doing nothing but defending isn’t going to get us anywhere, because they *will* score, despite our efforts. So we need to score too.”

MHC: “I see. Just one last question. How does the team stay motivated, now that you’re going to be facing even stronger opposition than before? Oglethorpia, Liverpool England, Druida, Fmjphoenix. . . These are even more dangerous than Ariddia’s earlier opponents in these qualifying stages. And Ariddia hasn’t won a match yet. How can you still feel confident?”

AS: “We’ll just have to live up to the challenge. I think the challenge itself can be motivating.”

MHC: “Well, the team certainly looked motivated today against Oglethorpia, if their performance of the ulek was anything to go by! Thank you, Comrade, and good luck!”

AS: “Thank you.”

Manager Jude leaves as Cuation slump to bottom

After another 4-0 defeat, this time to Bedistan, the nation of Cuation was plunged into civil war. General Jared who was acting ruler has gone to his land to luanch an invasion on the capital. In an attempt to stop his own brother, Warlord Jude has left his job as manager to join his loyalist forces at the capital.

What is left for the team? They will be managed by Igor Dejonvich but bottom of the table, things do not look good in their debut competion after three straight defeats.

The fans have become dispirited after the Baptisim of Fire, after the final, they had been joyous but now everyone seems to go around worrying. Cuation had been expected to finish off the bottom and prove themselves but six matches, two draws and three heavy defeats combined has left the team shattered. They also have had the worst start of any team in the last Baptisim of Fire.

The last match with Jude as manager saw a team once again outplayed and deservedly thrashed, again Gary Jens failing to hit form, once more the attacking play snuffed out. When the fourth was slid past a desparing Gary, Jude could be seen with his head in his hands and wetness in his eyes.

The next match will be against Demonlord12, a match which the team had looked forward too. Now it is a vital game, fail to win and the team might as well prepare to finish bottom for the rest of the games. A must win game!

Match

"Home against the group leaders, the fans are cheering both sides. Can we get an upset today? I sure hope so."

"Roy to Ashton as Cuation go onto the attack. Ashton is in shooting range and he...passes it back to Philip Cole. Wasted chance for a long ranger."

"0-1 and the team is behind. Jude is of the bench trying to urge on the team to greater things. Our team must keep fighting."

"Roy Ferguson just hacked down the forward but the ref didn't see it. Fortunatly nobody seems to be hurt as play continues."

"Corner, Cuation is under pressure once more. Whipped in and Fantastic save! Gary Jens somehow managed to push away that goalbound effort. I'm suprised he even saw it."

"0-2 down and the fans know Cuation are out of this match already. Sol Major is talking to his team mates but they have only two goals in the competion before this, I don't see that changing soon."

"Giovanni gets the ball, bursting forward, he takes on his man and...falls over? That or he dived but a dive would have looked better. Poor play once more."

"0-3 and the fans are booing the team. The staff look frustrated as oonce more the team failed to defend. This match is now dead"

"Half time comes, maybe the manager can get the team to limit the goals."

"Peter Tanner controlls the ball but has no support. Now he has been tackled, another long ball, another discourged team failt to press the attack.

"0-4 down, this may turn into a massacre. Jude's head is in his hands, the players look at the ground and the fans leave the staduim."

"Final whistle, the scoreline looks good for our team but the team are seeeming leaderless of late."

Worst Loss of Short History


Entering WC25, ASMV knew that a 5-1 loss was possible. With Hockey Canada, TnUI, Eauz, and Nedalia all looking down at the rest, it seemed to become more likely. The Sea Dragons suffered that 5-1 loss today, but not to one of those great teams. The loss instead came at the hands of spoiler RyukyuWhateverTheHell.

2 pts in 6 games is rediculous for a team that had shown so much promise. As a result, D'Champaign has been relieved of his coaching duties. For a replacement the team officials looked inside and named injured player Pao St Martinique the head coach for the remainder of WC25. Pao is very popular with his teammates and should provide a much needed lift for the team.

The next match has ASMV hosting Hockey Canada, their AO neighbors. Hopefully things can stabilize and the Sea Dragons live up to some of that early promise.

"We haven't played well at all. But we have a new focus on the game." said Pao. "Our chances here are slim indeed. We just want to climb out of the cellar. Just maybe we can prove to be a thorn for one or two of the top teams in the group."

Casari4sport

Another win bumps the streak to 3
Chances look to be improving as the World Cup drags on

The playing of today's 2-0 win against Praying2God was definatly one of the more surreal games in the short life on Casaran International Soccer.

The rain that plagues the Colonial Region of Casari started last week, and near constant rain has pummeled the field. The ends, where part of the rain could be deflected by the roofing, were reletively firm, but the center of the field once again became a soaked, muddy quagmire as the field at Casari National has always tended to do.

The teams then took the field surveying the results of the field's horrible drainage.

The first 20 minutes of the game went by with some exceedingly boring play and long lob passes back and forth in an attempt by either team to get the ball across to their strikers on firm ground across the ugly center of the field.

That is when the cat showed up.

Concieved as an "All natural" way to get rid of the mice and rats which infested the then-Tyrellia National Stadium, several cats were released into the stadium wearing radio transmitters to help their easy recapture.

The first of the radio transmitters turned up laying at the heights of the South Terrace, and since then, feline infestation has been an ongoing saga on the field. While many normal fans have assisted in an effort to capture the cats and provide them with better homes, the diehard loonies that are a regular fixture upon the nation's terraces adopted the cats as their own.

So when the tan-and-white cat turned up on the field and dodged the first attempt of Casaran Defender Eddie Oliver to capture the cat, the cheer from the North Terrace, over eighteen thousand strong, was clearly audable.

Over the next few minutes the ground crew made attempt after attempt to capture the cat while it skillfully dodged each try and scoffed with comtempt as they skidded over themselves before the cat ran back up the tunnel to where it came and the game was allowed to resume with the grounds crew in hot persuit.

Soon after, Casari managed to put up their first goal in the 26th minute, when a Casaran Lob found it's way to the feet of Robbie Archer, who took it the rest of the way and scored the first of the match.

Halftime came and passed, and the rain continued. In a situation nearly identical to the first, James Salvitore, sent in for Mike Newberry, scored on the 80th minute to cement the win.

The final moments of the game finished with some controversy, as a cleat-first sliding tackle by Steven MacLellan was viewed dimly by the referees, resulting in the first Casaran Booking of this World Cup.

After that, the table might seem a little mundane compared to the songs being written in bars around Tyrellia to commemorate the first game of "Milo the Cat," but they do reveal the increasing changing fortunes for Casari.

GROUP 6
Pos Team P W D L F A GD Pts
1 Cockbill Street 6 5 0 1 11 4 7 15
2 Commerce Heights 6 4 2 0 10 5 5 14
3 Bipedal Apes 6 4 1 1 14 7 7 13
4 Raptor Claw 6 4 1 1 13 7 6 13
5 Alastair I Frosticus 6 4 0 2 10 12 -2 12
6 Casari 6 3 1 2 10 9 1 10
7 Praying2God 6 2 1 3 7 7 0 7
8 Corruptomania 6 1 0 5 7 13 -6 3
9 Revolutionarian Island 6 0 0 6 8 16 -8 0
10 Michael Stricklandttttt 6 0 0 6 3 13 -10 0

A win tomorrow against old-school havablab powers Alastain I Frosticus await on the horizon, played in one of the hosts for Casari's memorable Cup of Harmony run, the Archregimancy.

Chi Sun-Times-Tribune-Star-News-Today

Sports Section

Milchama draw 0-0 fans boo

The 7000 or so Milchamian fans who came to System Karela yesterday were not expecting a high scoring match eventhough these squads had tied 3-3 in WC XXIV. They did not expect a stagnant Milchamian offense with who could break though the wall of System Karelan defenders and a midfield that played so horribly they were OUTPOSSESED by Karelans. This performance led to Warriors being booed off the pitch by rabid Milchamian fans who expressed some of their displeasure by throwing bottles at the players they were later repremanded and told to throw swords or axes next time. Coach Jonathan Fairbanks said, "This performance is unexceptable. We need to do better if we even want to think about qualifying because right now we are 8 points back of third place. We can still qualify we have 12 more games to go but we cannot have poor results like this and expect to qualify. The way to qualify is to beat the lesser teams then you and then get good results, draws or close losses, against better teams then you. We have not done that so far we need to..."
There is no need to report on this match it sucked to much.
Final Score
System Karela 0 (our defense can play well)
Milchama 0 (but our offense can't)

Canucks build momentum with win over Yafor 2

The Canucks really haven't had much trouble over the last two days. Especially against teams like Adam Island and Yafor 2. Hockey Canada played well earlier today and still finished in a nailbiting game that saw a handful of Yafor 2 players bumped and bruised by Hockey Canadians. The Hockey Canadian's physical play brought laughs from fans and commentators when random players fell over when challenging the Canucks. A few of the Yafor 2 players that dove really did have a reason to go down when the Canucks relly got tough.

The game started in the usual fashion Hockey Canadians are so accustomed to. The early goal was scored in the 3rd minute from a running Yanic Perrault. Perrault managed to bring the ball about 34 feet away from the net when he fired it at the Yafor 2 keeper. Taking a wierd curve in the air, the ball soared into the mesh starting off a rally of cheers for Hockey Canadian fans.

From that moment on in the first half, the Hockey Canadian players dominated using their size and speed to try and torment the Yafor 2 players into playing rough back. Gerod Flamer stood up to the Hockey canadian defence when he leveled the score at 1-1. A move around Perrault and Srylanko saw him 1 on 1 with Thomas. Thomas challenged but it was no good as the Yafor 2 captain slamed the ball past the keeper's arma and into the net.

The score was 1-1 at halftime when the streaker did his own little thing on the field as usual. For more info on the streaker, we will have a short biography today during halftime against Andossa Se Mitrin Vega.

The second half was pretty boring for fans when the Canucks just starting hitting and colliding with Yafor 2 players non-stop. Perrault, a defender lead the Hockey Canadian sttack in the 71st minute when he charged through the Yafor 2 midfield. Knocking over a few players (going shoulder-to-head with most of them), he broke through the line to close in on the Yafor 2 keeper. A fake before he slammed into the ball taking another curve like Perrault's shot landing in the bottom corner of the net.

Thomas remained solid the rest of the game making a few saves but for the team it was a performance the Canucks would like to forget.

Now the Canucks need to travel to fellow Atlantian Oceania neighbour Andossa Se Mitrin Vega. A hopeful victory is needed if the Canucks are going to propel themselves over Nedalia to have a shot at a qualifying spot. Who knows? Maybe even give Eauz or Total n Utter Insanity a good run. No, not Total n Utter Insanity.

MD1: Hockey Canada @ Spaam (1-1 T)
MD2: Total n Utter Insanity @ Hockey Canada (Globen Arena-Stadium) (0-0 T)
MD3: Hockey Canada @ Eauz (0-2 L)
MD4: Da WhoseLine People @ Hockey Canada (Globen Arena-Stadium) (0-0 T)
MD5: Hockey Canada @ Adam Island (4-0 W)
MD6: Yafor 2 @ Hockey Canada (Globen Arena-Stadium) (2-1 W)
MD7: Hockey Canada @ Andossa Se Mitrin Vega
MD8: Hockey Canada @ RyukyuDaitoKazanNampo
MD9: Nedalia @ Hockey Canada (Globen Arena-Stadium)
MD10: Spaam @ Hockey Canada (Irkutsk)
MD11: Hockey Canada @ Total n Utter Insanity
MD12: Eauz @ Hockey Canada (Irkutsk)
MD13: Hockey Canada @ Da WhoseLine People
MD14: Adam Island @ Hockey Canada (Anadyr)
MD15: Hockey Canada @ Yafor 2
MD16: Andossa Se Mitrin Vega @ Hockey Canada (Globen Arena-Stadium)
MD17: RyukyuDaitoKazanNampo @ Hockey Canada (Anadyr)
MD18: Hockey Canada @ Nedalia

PRAYING2GOD SOCCER ASSOCIATION CONSIDERATION OF CUP OF HARMONY BID KICKS INTO HIGH GEAR

An annonymous source from within the Praying2God Soccer Association has hinted that the P2GSA is seriously looking at putting together a solo bid for CoH XVII, which will follow WC XXV qualifying. My source informed me that they are making sure that they will have enough stadiums with a large enough seating capacity to hold all the fans that would follow their teams, as well as exploring how society in general would be able to take the strain of thousands of soccer fans pouring into Praying2God. My source also said that the P2GSA would not acknowledge their work publicly until they decide to make a bid. I will publish further updates as I get them from my source.



OOC: This is a follow-up on my RP in the Pre-WC XXV thread where I hinted that I would contemplate a possible hosting bid, and as it appears that in all likelihood my team is going to have another WC XXIVish fiasco, it's time to kick the preparation for my bid into high gear. The scorinator that I'm developing is coming along well, and appears to be close to being ready. I'm going to run a couple more simulations with it to make sure. No, I am not looking for a co-host as my bid would be a solo one. However, I am not trying to discourage anybody else from bidding for the CoH. Competition is most welcome.

SYSTEM KARELA ON DISPLAY IN SCORELESS DRAW WITH REJISTANIA

The Saints display of system karela that was popularized by Rejistania was able to observe how its legendizers operate within it, as well as test their own system against a team that has become renowned for its defensive play. The result was a match that lovers of defensive soccer found thrilling: a new team in its first WC playing the 5th ranked team in the world to a scoreless draw in a match that saw no serioius threats to score on either side. It had been anticipated that the Saints would lose their patience at some point late in the match, allowing Rejistania to score, but that never came to fruitition. The somewhat surprising draw kept the Saints within shouting distance of the final qualifying spot, though it is widely expected that that will soon change. Maybe not in the next match, however, as Pastorville travels to Adrasuvare to take on a team that has not won a match, and is ranked far below the Saints. However, it is not a match to take lightly, as 11th ranked Squornshelous awaits in the following match.

//This was translated from English to Dutch and back again, a la WC11//

_ previous night draw the voorvechters and gr CID the HERO contest. The voorvechters opened noting in the 55ste minute then midfielder Laurent D'Ibreville an angle shovel by Charles Pacques of the head of one of the members of the wall converted. The game looked at well in hand for the voorvechters to the spanjaarden on a recent collection in the 87ste minute succeeded in noting, after succeeding in beyond usually dominant midfield slipping.

//NMS Paladins (or voorvechters) 1, EL CID THE HERO 1//

Canucks build momentum with win over Yafor 2

The Canucks really haven't had much trouble over the last two days. Especially against teams like Adam Island and Yafor 2. Hockey Canada played well earlier today and still finished in a nailbiting game that saw a handful of Yafor 2 players go off the field injured. The Hockey Canadian's physical play brought laughs from fans and commentators when random players fell over when challenging the Canucks. A few of the Yafor 2 players that dove really did have a reason to go down late in the game when a few of them left the game with various injuries.

NOTE: more to come.

OOC:Um..HC....http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=9746781&postcount=23

RP injuries to my players N

Just to tell you and sorry to irritate you.

OOC: Yafor, that should have been taken care of either by telegram or in the discussion thread, just so you know.


IC:


FIRE AT HOUSE OF PRAYER CREATES UNCERTAINTY OVER HOME MATCH LOCATION

A fire at the House of Prayer has made it an uncertainty where the Warriors next home match in WC XXV qualifying will be. The fire was started by some fans who snuck into the stadium at night with copies of the tape of the fiasco of a match against Alasdair I Frosticus and set the tapes on fire in the middle of the field. The offending fans were arrested by Praying2God police who were quickly on the scene after flames were seen in the stadium. The Praying2God firefighters were able to quickly put out the fire, but there was enough damage done to the field that it appears unlikely that the Warriors will be able to play their upcoming home match against Commerce Heights at the House of Prayer. This may be a chance for Praying2God Soccer Association officials to test out a site for their potential CoH XVII bid. Where the Commerce Heights match will be held will be announced within the next couple of days.



POLICE SAY NO PROGRESS MADE IN MURDER INVESTIGATION

The Praying2God police repeated their request for information surrounding the murder of the South Osettian referee who refereed the Warriors match against Alasdair I Frosticus. The police said that they have no leads and no suspects into who murdered the South Osettian referee. Could it be that the murderer comitted the crime and successfully covered up for themselves? We'll release for information as we get it.

Vikings win big, get bigger suprise of first place in Group 3

You read it right, the Vikings have managed to take the top spot due to two great things. The Vikings, lead by Nolan and Boyd, charged over Limbrogidlia 4-0, but the more important thing that helped elevate Fmjphoenix into first place was Liverpool England narrowly defeating Druida 2-1. Nolan increased his goals scored in this qualidication run to 7 with his 10th career hattrick and Laura Boyd added 1 more to give her 3 and Powell Lamar played rock solid again and had his 4th shutout.

Traveling across the region to the Oliverry colony, the Vikings were pretty well refreshed and ready to pour in the goals. Critics had been saying that Nolan was getting past his prime and was no longer going to be able to produce goals when needed. He silenced all the nay-sayers by scoring goals in the 6th, 46th, and 50th minutes to produce the second Fmjphoenix player hattrick, his first of the qualification run. All three shots were made on the go, the middle of the three coming off of a perfectly timed pass into a siscors kick that the keeper could only watch go into the net for a goal. Laura Boyd also scored a early goal, wanting to have some fun too, but the day was all on Nolan.

But after the win, all Nolan would focus on is their next challenge, Oglethorpia. He had these words to say:

"It felt great to get my 10th hattrick today, but now that its over, I am not going to focus on it. We have to get ready and prepare for Oglethorpia. They already upset Liverpool England, so they will be ready to come into our home and try to upset us as well. I will only be focusing on getting ready to face them and will be hoping the rest of the team will be following my lead. I think this will be an important match because after that, we have to fly out to Liverpool England, and that will not be easy at all."

Fmjphoenix: 4 - Limbrogidlia: 0

Nolan 6, 47, 50, Boyd 29 - None

Fmjphoenix Vikings
World Cup 25 Qualification Schedule
MD01: Fmjphoenix @ Druida 1-3 Loss
MD02: Fmjphoenix vs System Karela 4-0 Win
MD03: Fmjphoenix @ Israel4Ever 1-0 Win
MD04: Fmjphoenix vs Alan Shearer Heaven 3-1 Win
MD05: Fmjphoenix @ Milchama 2-0 Win
MD06: Fmjphoenix vs Limbrogidlia 4-0 Win
MD07: Fmjphoenix @ Oglethorpia
MD08: Fmjphoenix vs Liverpool England
MD09: Fmjphoenix @ Ariddia
---------------------------------------
MD10: Fmjphoenix vs Druida
MD11: Fmjphoenix @ System Karela
MD12: Fmjphoenix vs Israel4Ever
MD13: Fmjphoenix @ Alan Shearer Heaven
MD14: Fmjphoenix vs Milchama
MD15: Fmjphoenix @ Limbrogidila
MD16: Fmjphoenix vs Oglethorpia
MD17: Fmjphoenix @ Liverpool England
MD18: Fmjphoenix vs Ariddia

Cafe: Fmjphoenix vs Krytenia
---------------------------------------
Record: 5-0-1

Viking Goalscorers:
Nolan 7
Ijanaeil 3
Boyd 3
Jenkins 2

FAF would agree to Hypocrium hosting Cafetiere Cup

In the other footballing news, the FAF has released a statement stating that they would agree to the neutrality of playing in Hypocria for the matchup of the Cafetiere. Althought the matchup is still a whiles away, they are still waiting to see who else comes up to wish to host as the teams square off for the beloved Golden Cafetiere.

THE ARCHREGIMANCY BRINGS YOU

WORLD CUP TONIGHT

With Fr. Nicholas the Scribe and Fr. John the Golden-Throated

"Well, Fr. John, before talking about last night's match, let's go straight to breaking news from Rejistania..."

"That's right, Fr. Nicholas... it seems that the Monastic Football Association and the Holy Synod were both sent copies of the following fascinating letter:



Hejida,

Hexatux is neither a hexing tuxedo nor a symbol of worship. Hexatux is a computer. If you do not know that, look into a lexicon. It does not run on magic but on electricity and caffeine. Maybe you should get an idea what the term means before making your own guesses: "'hexa" means to give orders "hexa'het" means among other things "line-up". "Tux" refers to the mascot of the operating System Linux. This means, Hexatux is a Linux-run computer, which gives match orders. Okay, it does more, but it is no icon. We know that it is a sin to pray to false gods. Taderekansa would not be pleased with that and would punish the non-believers.
Xena I Sisde, KaMaRi Update/han'ines KMR
Va veka,


And while the MFA accept that perhaps that something might have been lost in translation in their original interpretation of the 'Hexatux', football fans around the Archregimancy are now asking.... 'what's a com-pu-ter?' Fr. Nicholas?"

"In fact, I can answer that, Fr. John. As you know, as the Monastic Times' main sport correspondent, I spend a lot of time travelling in ordinary physical reality, and many are the occasions that I have gazed upon the startling - and suspiciously unOrthodox - innovations of modernity. So I can say with some sort of confidence that a 'computer' - and by implication the 'Hexatux' - is an advanced type of electronic abacus"

"How fascinating, Fr. Nicholas! An electronic abacus! And how does it work? What is this 'operating System Linux'?"

"That's trickier to answer, Fr. John, but my research suggests that many nations use slightly different counting systems - some decimal, some binary, some duodecimal - so I suspect that 'system linux' is the counting system used by the electronic abacus operator"

"My! You learn a new thing every day!"

"But enough about the Hexing Tuxedo - sorry, I mean the Hexatux - what about last night's match?"

"Well, I wish I had some better news there. It turns out that the obscure and little-known Adrasuvare are draw specialists - four out of six games so far, including a shock 1-1 draw with Svecia. Well, with us, the trend continued, for an admittedly slightly less shocking 0-0 draw."

"Highlights, Fr. John?"

"None I'd really want to share with the viewers - in truth it was a dire match. Adrasuvare packed their defensive quarter, and our team had neither the wit nor the invention to break down their defensive wall. To return to a favoured Archregimancy metaphor, the defence of Adrasuvare was considerably less subject to collapse than the walls of Jericho."

But there is some good news!"

"What's that, Fr. John?"

"Only one of the three teams ahead of us won. Squornshelous squashed Svecia, and Rejistania were held to an ultra-Karelan 0-0 bore draw by Pastorville. So while Squornshelous are running away with the group, second through fourth are only a point apart - with Pastoville and the Lowland Clans lurking a further two points behind. I'll say it again... the important matches are against Svecia and the Clans. As long as we can take some points there, we're in with a chance."

"An unlikely chance, Fr. John..."

"But through God all things are possible, Fr. Nicholas..."

ON BEHALF OF ALASDAIR I FROSTICUS

THE HOLY EMPIRE HERALD

HOLY EMPIRE SHREDDED BY RAPTOR CLAW
Normal service resumes as plague-ravaged team slumps to second straight loss

By Constantine Ducaso
Archregimancy Correspondent


The Imperials qualifying campaign went from mad to wurst last night as food poisoning caused by the consumption of dodgy German sausages was blamed for last night's 4-0 loss to Raptor Claw.

"Not that we need much of an excuse to lose by large margins, what with the plague and everything" said coach Juan Tzimisces, "but without the food poisoning, we might well have kept the score to only 3-0!"

HEFA officials were quick to point out that the team were still only one point out of the third qualifying spot, but this correspondent was equally quick to point out that with matches against Cockbill Street, Commerce Heights and BoF runners-up Casari still to come, the team would most likely be staring a 4-0-5 record in the face faster than you can say 'I really hate that bad pun in the first sentence' - though to be fair, that was four more wins than the team expected to have at this stage.

HEFA officials have reacted to last night's food poisoning by banning all non-Dreamed Realm produced food from the team's camp, and putting them on a diet of Glamorgan sausages.

World Cup News
In association with Hellacious Huckleberry Gum


Two Wins Move Hyppos into Third


It’s true ladies and gentlefolk, if the qualifiers were to stop right now Hypocria would qualify. Unfortunately there’s still the small issue of 12 more games to contend with.

After the disappointing performances in Giant Zucchini and the Jacobian Tribes it was back to Hypocria for the visit of the group’s bottom side, San-Lorenzo. Despite both Black and Poskas returning from suspension Dave Wilson kept with the side that drew in the Jacobian Tribes for the match, held in the southern city of Pylos.

After picking up a single point from a possible six players in the blue and white looked a little uneasy against San-Lorenzo and Kindelan was forced into good saves twice in the opening ten minutes. After those early scares the match degenerated into a scrappy and dull affair with neither keeper troubled for the rest of the half. The second half performance was better, no doubt inspired by some choice words from the coach, but the Hyppos still struggled to break down a stubborn San-Lorenzo rearguard. That was until Baxter released Bercali down the left, he crossed into the box and West headed goalwards. The keeper managed to block the effort but was helpless and Andrei Shirko reacted first to stab home the rebound. It was his twentieth goal for Hypocria. The referee blew not long after to bring a poor match to an end. It may have been a pretty dreadful game but it was three points nonetheless.

Hypocria 1 – 0 San-Lorenzo

In the other group games leaders Oaker kept up their good form with a surprisingly narrow win in Alemeinia (1 – 0) but Nova Britannicus are still hot on their heels and also picked up maximum points after beating the Jacobian Tribes 3 – 1 at home. Jeruselem and Chicanada both lost ground after a 1 – 1 stalemate in Jeruselem and the points were shared in the final game too with Kunar and Giant Zucchini sharing 4 goals between them.



The home fixture against San-Lorenzo was followed by a trip to Baptism of Fire whipping boys Kunar. Hyppos coach Dave Wilson made one change for the match, Krytenia based forward Alex Liberda returned in place of Danny West.

After the distinctly average performances in the last three games the game in Kunar came as a pleasant surprise to Hypocria’s long suffering fans. The Hyppos were in front with barely four minutes on the clock when Marshall’s raking cross from the right wing eluded everyone before being turned in by Bercali at the far post, his third goal of the campaign. Shirko and Rytter both missed chances to double to lead shortly after. But the Hyppos always look like conceding, and concede they did. Kunar won a corner and their striker rose above Paul Blake and headed firmly past Kindelan.

Dave Wilson can boast a World Cup trophy on his CV so he certainly knows how to get the best out of players. And the Hypocria side that emerged from the changing rooms after the interval looked fired up. Twenty minutes into the half they finally took the lead again. It was simple too, Baxter passed to Liberda and the Everton City Reds’ striker placed his shot into the bottom corner. And five minutes later the result was assured when substitute Deucher (on for Shirko) headed in a Baxter freekick.

Kunar 1 – 3 Hypocria

The win moved Hypocria up into third place in Group 4. In the other games Oaker continued their streak with a home win over Giant Zucchini (2 – 1) to go four points clear at the top of the table. The other challengers lost ground after more draws. Nova Britannicus and Jeruselem fought out a 1 – 1 draw in NB and Chicanada were held 2 – 2 at home by plucky Alemeinia. And just for good measure match between the bottom two, the Jacobian Tribes and San-Lorenzo, finished goalless.

GROUP 4
Pos Team P W D L F A GD Pts
1 Oaker 6 5 1 0 12 3 9 16
2 Nova Britannicus 6 3 3 0 11 5 6 12
3 Hypocria 6 3 2 1 11 10 1 11
4 Jeruselem 6 2 3 1 10 7 3 9
5 Chicanada 6 2 3 1 10 10 0 9
6 Alemeinia 6 2 1 3 7 9 -2 7
7 Giant Zucchini 6 1 3 2 11 9 2 6
8 Kunar 6 1 1 4 6 13 -7 4
9 Jacobian Tribes 6 0 3 3 5 10 -5 3
10 San-Lorenzo 6 0 2 4 4 11 -7 2


So Hypocria are currently in a qualification position but the side aren’t getting carried away. After all, of the top teams in the group the Hyppos have only played Jeruselem, naturally it was a draw. That all changes now though.

Up next it’s the biggest game so far as group leaders Oaker travel to the Hyppodrome. This is the match Dave Wilson has been looking forward to, his first competitive game at Hypocria’s national stadium and his first against Oaker since his Sarzonia side beat them in the final of World Cup 22. After that it's a trip to Chicanada before taking on Nova Britannicus and Jeruselem at home. Yikes.

Qualification Schedule

Jeruselem v Hypocria (1 - 1)
Hypocria v Alemeinia (Drissa Sports Arena, Drissa) (3 - 1)
Giant Zucchini v Hypocria (5 - 1!)
Jacobian Tribes v Hypocria (2 - 2)
Hypocria v San-Lorenzo (Oceanside Stadium, Pylos) (1 - 0)
Kunar v Hypocria (1 - 3)
Hypocria v Oaker (Hyppodrome, Hypocrium)
Chicanada v Hypocria
Hypocria v Nova Britannicus (Oceanside Stadium, Pylos)
Hypocria v Jeruselem (Hyppodrome, Hypocrium)
Alemeinia v Hypocria
Hypocria v Giant Zucchini (Hyppodrome, Hypocrium)
Hypocria v Jacobian Tribes (Drissa Sports Arena, Drissa)
San-Lorenzo v Hypocria
Hypocria v Kunar (Reef Stadium, Coral City)
Oaker v Hypocria
Hypocria v Chicanada (Hyppodrome, Hypocrium)
Nova Britannicus v Hypocria


Cafetiere Cup Heading to Hypocrium?

In other news the Hyppodrome has emerged as the early front runner to host the Cafetiere Cup between Krytenia and Fmjphoenix. The one-off match will decide the fate of the Golden Cafetiere, currently in Phoenician hands.

Defeat

Yes thats right, Tadjikistan suffered its first loss at the hands of an old enemy: Lethislavania. Despite their hard work on the midfield and moves towards the Lethislavanian bos, the Tigers could make only one goal through the by know well known Pliiev-Salenko train.

Lethislavania had the support of its fans and took the lead in the second half with two goals following shortly after eachother. The Sadirovs attempted to equalize and take atleast a point but the replacement of Iswolski by Saradov could not bring the change that was required. The Tigers left the stadion with their heads down.

A defeat it was, but not a disaster, Goalkeeper Daniel Gurchev remembered his own words :'I told you it was a bad sign. We just neglected the obvious warning and look to what happened, we got eaten by a side that should have been easy prey.'

Rezvon Sadirov called it 'Superstition' and refused to take part in 'pseudo-religious crap', Rezvon Sadirov also tried to calm down everyone: 'We've lost a battle, but that doesnt mean we've lost the war. If you just look at the tables you will see that we are safe in the top three with five points between us and Dauna Hills and six between us and Kudlastan. Interesting note, they play against eachother on Matchday 7. We all knew from the beginning that there'd be some difficult matches, but we shouldnt panick at this stage. Matchday eight will see Vilita visit us in Dushanbe. an excellent opportunity to make the difference between the top three and the rest bigger. All we have to do is win. It will all work out, you'll see.' Said an overconfident Rezvon Sadirov.




GROUP 1
Pos Team P W D L F A GD Pts
1 Starblaydia 6 5 1 0 12 3 9 16
2 Vilita 6 5 0 1 15 7 8 15
3 Tadjikistan 6 5 0 1 10 3 7 15
4 Dauna Hills 6 3 1 2 7 8 -1 10
5 Kudlastan 6 3 0 3 5 5 0 9
6 Lethislavania 6 2 1 3 7 10 -3 7
7 Kericia 6 2 0 4 6 13 -7 6
8 Metfield 6 1 1 4 4 7 -3 4
9 Rordia 6 1 1 4 5 9 -4 4
10 Da Philelfya Empiya 6 0 1 5 4 10 -6 1



Fixtures:
MD1: Da Philelfya Empiya - Tadjikistan W 0-2
MD2: Tadjikistan - Kericia W 3-0
MD3: Metfield - Tadjikistan W 0-1
MD4: Tadjikistan - Rordia W 1-0
MD5: Dauna Hills - Tadjikistan W 1-2
MD6: Lethislavania - Tadjikistan L 2-1
MD7: Tadjikistan - Vilita
MD8: Kudlastan - Tadjikistan
MD9: Tadjikistan - Starblaydia
MD10: Tadjikistan - Da Philelfya Empiya
MD11: Kericia - Tadjikistan
MD12: Tadjikistan - Metfield
MD13: Rordia - Tadjikistan
MD14: Tadjikistan - Dauna Hills
MD15: Tadjikistan - Lethislavania
MD16: Vilita - Tadjikistan
MD17: Tadjikistan - Kudlastan
MD18: Starblaydia - Tadjikistan

Pschychoes Waltzing through Qualifying

a perfect record after 6 matches

After matchday six, where the Pschychoes defeated old rivals Svecia 3-0, it seems fairly likely that Squornshelous will qualify for the world cup, currently sitting 7 points ahead of Rejistania, who are in second place of group 2. After defeating their two closest openents in the group by a combned score of 5-0, the Pschychoes are in very good shape, with The Lowland CLans being the only trying match remaining in the first half of qualifying. The real thing for us to worry about is matchday 9 in Rejistania. That will be the true test for this cups team. Incidentally, Squornshelous is currently one of two sides left holding onto a perfect record. The other is fellow WC5 startup team Bedistan, who sit atop Group 7. The closest teams to Squornshelous and Bedistan are Oaker, Turori and Starblaydia, with 16 points apiece. It will be interesting to see if either the Lions or Pschychoes will be able t hold on to their perfect streak throughout qualifying.

Jeruselem Government News

No Ashes for the Poms today

OK, Jeruselem have the worst cricket team in the world (ie none), but this is soccer article. In fact, a World Cup 25 one. We are in Group 4 and have slipped back to 4th.

Our opponent was no rookie, it was Nova Britannicus who is 2nd in Group 4. It was a typically tough game but no joy for anyone. It ended up in another 1 ALL draw which seems to be a trend when playing good teams other than Oaker. Jeruselem fall back to 4th on the table but we have played Hypocria (DRAW), Chicanada (DRAW), Oaker (LOSS), and Chicanada (DRAW). That's three points from 4 games, but we have easily beaten the weaker opponents except we have not played Giant Zucchini yet and some of the other teams. No panic.

Jacobian Tribes played San-Lorenzo in the battle of bottom dwellers and well, it was a scoreless draw. So, they are 8th and 9th still. Let's hope these teams get some points somewhere from wins in the future.

Hypocria beat on Kunar 3-1 to make a move to 3rd. 2 points ahead of Jeruselem, but they have not met as many tough opponents so far. As we say, don't write them off at your own risk. Kunar are 7th but don't look too challenged with the bottom two drawing.

Oaker brushed aside Giant Zucchini 3-1 to be undefeated so far. They along with Nova Britannicus are undefeated. Oaker will be top dog unless God intervenes.

Chicanada wasted a guilded chance to make their impact, but Alemeinia held them up 2 ALL so they stay 5th. Alemeinia are 6th.

GROUP 4
Jacobian Tribes 0 San-Lorenzo 0
Kunar 1 Hypocria 3
Oaker 2 Giant Zucchini 1
Chicanada 2 Alemeinia 2
Nova Britannicus 1 Jeruselem 1


GROUP 4
Pos Team P W D L F A GD Pts
1 Oaker 6 5 1 0 12 3 9 16
2 Nova Britannicus 6 3 3 0 11 5 6 12
3 Hypocria 6 3 2 1 11 10 1 11
4 Jeruselem 6 2 3 1 10 7 3 9
5 Chicanada 6 2 3 1 10 10 0 9
6 Alemeinia 6 2 1 3 7 9 -2 7
7 Giant Zucchini 6 1 3 2 11 9 2 6
8 Kunar 6 1 1 4 6 13 -7 4
9 Jacobian Tribes 6 0 3 3 5 10 -5 3
10 San-Lorenzo 6 0 2 4 4 11 -7 2


Now any good news in Group 9, with Hockey Canada and Nedalia? Hockey Canada won it's game 2-1 but Nedalia lost 0-1. Now, fans don't complain about our situation.

GROUP 9
RyukyuDaitoKazanNampo 5 Andossa Se Mitrin Vega 1
Hockey Canada 2 Yafor 2 1
Nedalia 0 Adam Island 1
Spaam 0 Da WhoseLine People 1
Total n Utter Insanity 1 Eauz 0

Stars ward off spooks, 1-0

Except for one match, the World Cup XXV edition of the Sarzonian national football team has hardly resembled the side that has been one of the dominant teams in World Cup football or the unit that has had a stranglehold on the world's number one ranking since the World Cup XXII championship final.

The team struggled to earn a result against lightly-regarded Spookyville, getting only a Jenna Raven tally in the 24th minute. The Stars survived a red card to forward Brian Wilson that left them down a man for 82 minutes. They also had to rely on starting goalkeeper Horace Sandt's five saves to keep the team from trailing thanks to quality scoring chances.

However, the Barry Owens-led Stars will take it.

"We had to gut it out," Coach Barry Owens said. "Playing a man down against any side is going to wear you out and there are some exhausted lads in that room." Owens said the team would earn a day off from physical training, but would be expected to "keep up the mental reps."

For a team that played virtually the entire match shorthanded, Sarzonia (5-2-0, 17 points) was able to dictate the tempo to Spookyville. Sarzonia ended up outshooting Spookyville 10-8, including six shots on goal to Spookyville's five and 46 minutes in the offensive end and nine corner kicks to eight for their less-experienced opponents. The Stars cited their ability to play within a system cultivated through eight previous World Cups.

"It's essentially the same brand of football we've been playing since Bryan Marshall was coach," Wilson said. "We haven't done too much differently under my father and we're not doing much different now."

One thing that will be different is that Kevin Wilson, Brian's younger brother, will start up front for the suspended Brian Wilson. Owens said he chose the youngster over Bruce Badger because, "he's a little better in a 90 minute match.

"Bruce is a supersub. Kevin's started and accomplished a lot of things on the second choice side even though he was younger than the rest of the players," Owens said.

Elsewhere, Hypocria lost a home fixture to Oaker, 2-0, drawing groans from the Stars after their match concluded.

"We wanted to see Hypocria win, especially for Dave," Raven said. "That's the one thing making today not as much fun."

AH CRAP

Paladins draw to some tiny nation nobody's ever heard of

Yep, we just had a major setback. Well, maybe just a setback. But we should have won this game.

We'd list the highlights, but 0-0 games are famous for not having any. 0-0 is, after all, evil. There's a whole nation out there based on that premise.

The Paladins spent most of the time in the midfield, bungling pass after pass. The Guptans weren't much better.

What little excitement there was occured in the 40th minute, when the Gupta Dynasty put together a rally and looked ready to score. Keeper Sebastien Lepere picked up 2 of his 8 saves during that minute, but the Paladins drug the match back out into the stalemate.

With the crowd chanting: "Refund, refund" as injury time wound down, Coach William Branstone was somewhat less than pleased with his offense.

"What a bunch of fourth graders out there," he said. Then he went on to demonstrate his considerable command of profanity.

This paper stands behind his opinions. Anyone who disagrees obviously didn't have to watch this entirely insipid match.

The BUREAUCRATIC TRIBUNE!

JOY! ELATION! INCREDIBLE!

SOMEWHERE (BT) -- Barring any lurking scandals to be news headlines in the next week or two and/or the most sudden and unfortunate end of the world that might negate their recent win, Oglethorpia's Ostriches (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=9776108&postcount=52) have secured VICTORY! (C) over Fmjphoenix in a 6-2 THRASHING! (C) of unprecended awesomeness on matchday seven.

Fmjphoenix opened up strong with the first goal of the match in the 11th minute, but the second wouldn't come until the 25th off the foot of Ostrich striker Coat MacHangar, bringing the match to one-all. "Well, I just shot the second goal of the match in the 25th off my foot, bringing the match to one-all," elaborated the 43-year old starter.

From there on the Ostriches pounced, with a goal for the 2-1 lead in the 39th by Mel Memorable, MacHanger's second to make it three-one at the beginning of the second and finally four-one with a goal from Anton Kremlov. A goal by Fmjphoenix in the 62nd to make it four-two put fears of a comeback into the mind of coach Torrence Black, but staying composed, the Ostriches would put two more past Fmjphoenix's keeper to seal the deal and score a 6-2 victory before their home crowd.

With the victory Oglethorpia moves into a shocking second place in group three, ahead of Liverpool England on goal difference (for the first time in forever) but tied in points, and trailing Druida by two points. Leading through matchday six, the STUNNING! (rubbing it in) loss to the Ostriches drops Fmjphoenix down to fourth, Oglethorpia's old haunt in the group standings. Even so, Torrence Black refuses to let his player's heads swell to the size of a pregnant Eauzian woman.

"We've still got some hard matches ahead of us and there's still a lot that can go wrong -- it's nice now, but we're prepared to accept what the final outcome might be," asserted Black.

Oglethorpia's Ostriches next face System Karela, whom Anton Kremlov suspects will be a highly offensive squad. "We're just going to sit back and play defense, given what we generally see as a very attack-happy playing style. That should teach them to try and run up the score instead of respect the importance of defence," said the forward.

While the future remains quite uncertain, through matchday seven, Oglethorpians are ecstatic over their national squad's preformance.

Alexandria Times-Post-Gazette-Chronicle-Journal-Enquirer

Sports Section

Milchama beat Israelis hope their Israelis get hockey result

The Milchama Warriors got a good win today beating Israel4ever 3-1. The game was a must win considering they were playing a weak opponent and they wanted to keep in qualification. They did just that scoring 2 first half goals and never letting up from there giving the Warriors an easy 3-1 victory. Coach Jonathan Fairbanks said, "This was a big win for us, we needed this win to still have any hope of qualifying and we did it. If we can keep playing like this I think we can still win this game." Now on to the daily rendition of how they scored:

12th minute: Milchama been dominating the game. Right now with 82% of the possesion in the last 10 minutes. Now they look to score Rintell in on the left looking finds J.J. Faren, man he's been quiet, but now making some noise looks in the middle and finds Matt Bantin and crosses it in, Bantin all alone the header PAST THE KEEPER IN! GOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOAL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! 1-0 Milchama.
23rd minute...then he got a knee transplant and it was all better. Anyway now Israel4ever on the offensive Avi Nimni trying to find Abbas Suan forward and he does Suan the hero against Ireland trying to tie it up past Pevington and finds Yossi Benayoun alone and Benayoun SCORES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! its all tied at one now. A good goal by Israel4ever has put us back where we started.
33rd minute: Since the goal the Warriors have been dominating. They take possesion again this time through Flinters as he finds Copperlee on the wing and does an overlapping run Copperlee looks for him but FAKES OUT! past a defender looking for help in the middle but noone there so he shoots himself... SAVE!!! by Awat but the ball rebounds right onto the foot of J.J. Faren he shoots and Milchama has the lead... GOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOAL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
2-1 Warriors. J.J. Faren gives them the lead on a rebound.
45th minute: Thomas to Dennis to Moore and now its halftime.
68th minute: Warriors looking good so far this second half but now their looking for insurance. Elana Kilinin has come in for Doni Kunalin to provide some spark and she has. Now she comes down again, looking for a goal. Can't find anyone so gets out of the way and passes to Copperlee who shoots... Saved! still 2-1.
72nd Minute: Kilinin still looking to extend the lead this time she's doing a 1-2 with Flinters as they race down now She Doesn't Pass and Flinters Continues To Run! now she passes and Flinters is passed the defence Kilinin's pass... Perfect Flinters now with only the keeper to beat, does it. GOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOAL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! 3-1 Milchama. What a goal Elana Kilinin trying to make her case as a starter.
90th Minute: The Warriors hold the ball in the corner. Zandberg trying to get it out but can't now Copperlee forced to pass to Martin who crosses in for Floren the ref looks at his whistle Floren's header wide. And there's the whistle a good win for the Warriors.
Final Score:
Milchama 3 (Bantin 12 Faren 33 Flinters 72)
Israel4ever 1 (Benayoun 23)

Casari4sport

Joy of Victory taken down with kick in the family jewels by Defeat
Casari back at 500 again with loss away at Alasdair

As crowds of Casaran Fanatics, wearing the new "Milo the Cat" Caps, crowded into Alasdair's home away from home stadium in the Archregimancy, they didn't know that what they saw would provoke them into violent, irrational rage.

The Game started off innocently enough, with Casari quickly taking a 2-0 lead at the 30 minute mark.

Suddenly, the referee started to turn on our beloved Colonials, quickly calling a questionable free kick from 20 yards, which was successfully converted on to cut their defecit in half.

The questionable calls continued as the Casaran Forewards were continuously held up by offside calls, many of which looked like toss-ups to observers and started a series of vulgar chants frow the Casaran end of the field.

The game continued, to the fans horror, as the home team struggled to pick up the equalizer, and then the winner in the final minutes of the game provoked an attempted pitch invasion at the final whistle to see themselves magically sent home, where they drowned their sorrows in some of Casari's favorite beverages.

When asked what caused the change of fortune for Casari today, fans only had one thing to say- the Referee. And when asked about that, one fan had a slightly sacrilegious view.

"I blame God. Clearly their prayers are equal to cheating. Therefore, no more praying."

thsd:NEWS
Scoring A Score

TWENTY goals in seven games. Six, if you don't count the blank against the Goatboys. Krytenia's attack (and midfield, and defence) are firing on all cylinders as they threaten to romp home in Group Ten. A three-nil thrashing of their latest wee lambs, the Newcommunist Republics, seems only to confirm this.

Gabriel Kennedy is scoring with almost comtemptible ease, as he added a brace to take his personal tally for the qualifiers to nine. Substitute Phillip Neasden, who is rapidly approaching forty, took his career goals to 37 as he stotted home the final goal late on. Even the fans are becoming cocky, ironically cheering the NCR players if they managed to string more than two passes together.

Krytenia's biggest challenge in the group (not that that says much) could be their next game, as they face a potentially tricky away tie at the Stadiwm Bettia. The Aroras are second in the group and currently unbeaten, albeit six points behind the rampaging Aces. More good news for the Krytenian team is that the injury to Oliver Kader is not as bad as first feared, and he will almost certainly be passed fit for the trip. See you there!

KRYTENIA - 3
Kennedy 18, 51
Neasden 88
NEWCOMMUNIST REPUBLICS - 0



SCORERS
G. Kennedy: 9
R. Spivey: 5
N. Caraiani: 1
P. Neasden: 1
D. Signoriello: 1
C. Stevenson: 1
J. Terezzi: 1
S. Ziov: 1

QUALIFYING SCHEDULE
MD1: A v CAP L 0-1
MD2: A v ECH W 3-0
MD3: H v ANA W 5-0 (Mellion Lane, Davisham)
MD4: A v NMS W 3-2
MD5: H v TGD W 4-1 (The Mound, Secklow)
MD6: A v PGJ W 2-0
MD7: H v NCR W 3-0 (Brecklands, Linford)
MD8: A v BET ?????
MD9: H v TON ????? (Sixways Stadium, Avidia)
MD10: H v CAP ????? (Oxley Park, Everton City)
MD11: H v ECH ????? (Mercia Stadium, Bromham)
MD12: A v ANA ?????
MD13: H v NMS ????? (Denbigh Park, Ousevale)
MD14: A v TGD ?????
MD15: H v PGJ ????? (Walton Gardens, Simpson)
MD16: A v NCR ?????
MD17: H v BET ????? (Davis Memorial Stadium, Everton City)
MD18: A v TON ?????

CAFE: N v FMJ ?????

John Carlson (JC): Welcome to Cornerstone Stadium, the substitute venue for the Warriors WC XXV qualifying match against Commerce Heights. We appear to have a capacity crowd of 88,000 on hand to witness the Warriors' first home match that is not being held in the House of Prayer due to the damage of the recent fire set by upset fans on the field. This is certainly a prestine location for a soccer match, isn't it Lisa?

Lisa Simonson (LS): Indeed it is, John. The local citizens have put in a lot of effort to help clean up the grounds in preparation for the first ever national team match in this stadium. Hopefully the Warriors won't disappoint.

David Tall (DT): The fans should get their prayer's worth today, Lisa. Our 67th ranked Warriors are the underdogs to 21st ranked Commerce Heights. The Warriors have struggled as of late, and they are hoping to find their JJJ form again here today.

JC: Being the underdog makes the Warriors an even bigger sentimental favorite than they would be normally be because of the recent events in Praying2God. However, the oddsmakers don't see it that way, making the Warriors a 500-1 underdog to win today. Even a number of public figures in P2G have made bets against the Warriors today. That's how little faith there is in this Warriors team right now amongst the Praying2God people.

LS: They should always have faith in their team as long as they have Thomas Larson on their team. Larson is one of the best forwards in the world, especially when you look at the percentage of a team's goals scored. Larson scores close to half of the Warriors goals, and has assisted on a number of the goals that his teammates have gotten. He's the Kevin Garnett of this Warriors team.

DT: Who's Kevin Garnett?

LS: Oops...I forgot not to mention sports figures from other sports around you, David, as they only confuse you. Kevin Garnett is a famous basketball player.

DT: Ohhh.

JC: Getting back to today's match. What do you expect to see?

DT: Commerce Heights runs all over the Warriors from the start of the match. Commerce Heights wins easily 6-0.

LS: We need to get you checked out for depression, David. You haven't been your typical optimistic self lately. While this match will be closer than David suggested, it will not be close. The Warriors are struggling too much right now to keep this match close. Commerce Heights wins 3-1 in a match that will be closer than the final score because of the outstanding play of Sarah Walker.

JC: We'll be back in time for the opening kick-off between the Warriors and Commerce Heights.



*29th minute*

JC: The Warriors have come out surprisingly aggressive today, which I believe has caught Commerce Heights a bit by surprise, they're playing on their heels at the moment. The Warriors have the ball just outside the box...Alissa Madison with the ball...she passes it over to Ashley Gore...the ball is played into the box...Kelly Carter traps the ball...she shoots towards the far post...the ball is going to go wide for a goal kick...OR WAIT...Thomas Larson redirects it with his head...past the slack-jawed Davis Teel and into the net...GOOOOOOOOOOOAAAAAAAAAAALLLLLLLLLLLLL!!! Where did Thomas Larson come from?

DT: uhhhhhhh...:eek:

LS: Wow!:eek:

JC: Write this moment down, folks. Our analysts are actually speechless for once.:D What a goal by Thomas Larson! It gives the Warriors a 1-0 lead about midway through the first half.


*65th minute*

JC: And my partners still are having a hard time picking their jaws up off the floor after the lone goal of the match, scored by Thomas Larson in the 29th minute on an incredible play. Commerce Heights certainly rebounded well, as they have kept the Warriors off the scoreboard since, but they haven't been able to get anything going on the tough Warriors defense either. The Warriors are threatening again...Kelly Carter with the ball in the box...she finds Larson...he looks for an opening to get his shot off...he heels the ball back towards the top of the box...where Ashley Gore loops the ball into the air towards the net...Teel must not be able to see the ball through the traffic in front of the net...the ball floats unapproached into the top right corner of the net for a Warriors GOOOOOOOOAAAAAAAAAAALLLLLLLLLLLLLLL!!! Ashley Gore scores off a pass from Thomas Larson and the Warriors lead has expanded to 2-0.

DT: That's a big goal from the Warriors. We are fast approaching the point of the match where Sarah Walker becomes almost impossible to score on, especially when she's protecting a lead. Commerce Heights needs a goal...soon, if they have any hope of salvaging a point from this match that has been dominated by the Warriors.

LS: I would say that it is already too late for Commerce Heights to come back, David. If they were going to fight there way back into this match against the Warriors they needed to do it at the beginning of the second half, and they offered no indication of being able to take over this match. You have to wonder if they have some sort of illness going around within their team or something, because they look weak out there today.


*71st minute*

JC: The last Warriors goal seems to have awaken Commerce Heights a bit, as they are finally trying to take control of the action in this match. The ball has been in the Warriors defensive end since they scored their last goal. There's a lot of traffic in the box...Sarah Walker is leveled by a Commerce Heights striker, who falls on top of her, but we can't make out who it is...but there's no whistle...and the ball is tapped easily into the net for a Commerce Heights goal. Friedel Oheim scores for Commerce Heights to cut the Warriors lead to 2-1 with plenty of time remaining.

DT: That Commerce Heights striker that fell on Sarah Walker and the referee might want to be careful on their departure from the stadium, or they might end up like the South Osettian referee did after the Alasdair I Frosticus match.

LS: Are you threatening him, David?

DT: Not at all, but there are apparently Praying2God fans who feel passionately enough about their team that they would murder somebody for something like that stunt that the Commerce Heights forward just pulled.


*87th minute*

JC: Commerce Heights has dominated the play during the last 20 minutes or so. The Warriors are hoping the final whistle comes soon, but they still have to get through three more minutes, just to get to injury time. Commerce Heights has brought up their defense in an attempt to get the equalizer. They're on the attack again...there's a pass to the left side of the box...that's stolen by Claire Paulson...she launches a pass towards midfield...there's only one person in the vicinity of the pass, and it's...Thomas Larson...he is onside because he was in his own half of the field when the ball crossed midfield...he takes possession of the ball...Larson in on a breakaway...Teel is absolutely frozen in place...Larson easily swings his leg through the ball...which flies untouched into the bottom left corner of the net for the GOOOOOOOOOOOOAAAAAAAAAALLLLLLLLLLLLLL!!!!!!!!! Thomas Larson scores on a breakaway to restore the Warriors two-goal lead at 3-1 late in the match.

LS: I honestly feel sorry for Teel in that case, John. One of the world's most feared and creative forwards charging in on you on a breakaway. There wasn't much of anything that Teel could do with that one.

DT: What a big goal for the Warriors! That essentially puts the match away, as there is no way that Commerce Heights will score two goals on Sarah Walker in the time remaining in this match.


*90th minute*

JC: There's the final whistle. The Warriors have pulled off a convincing upset of 21st ranked Commerce Heights 3-1 in Cornerstone Stadium before a capacity crowd of 88,000 happy Warriors fans.

LS: What a huge win for the Warriors, John. After having played horribly in their last two matches, they needed this match to reboost their morale before going to 9th ranked Cockbill Street for their next match.

DT: It was a much needed win, Lisa. The Warriors are still not going to be a threat to qualify for WC XXV, but they sure can play the spoiler for teams like Commerce Heights who may have over-looked the Warriors.

JC: That's all we have time for. For Lisa Simonson and David Tall, I'm John Carlson. Good night, folks.

MONASTIC TIMES

ARCHREGIMANCY IN NARROW LOSS TO RUNAWAY GROUP LEADERS
Coach said to be "proud" of team's magnificent effort

By Fr. Nicholas the Scribe

In a magnificent football match that will long be remembered by both nations, The Archregimancy came with a nailbiting three minutes of becoming the first team to take a point off Squornshelous, and scoring twice as many goal against the home team as the Pschychoes had conceded in their previous six.

"I'm proud of the lads" said Coach Kyrill, Metropolitan of Solovetsky, after the match "and pray that the Lord will sanctify and reward their efforts for the Church"

In a see-saw match, the Archregimancy stunned the home fans into silence in the 8th minute after an extraordinary scissor kick volley from Fr. Silouan of the Seventy Caves - an early contender for divinely-inspired goal of the season.

But the mighty Squornshelous squad were not to be denied, and the home team raced to 2-1 half-time lead, both goals involving breath-taking displays of Pschychoe skill, and both goals leaving a shaken Archregimancy defence praying for mercy.

But a half-time break spent in fervent prayer and veneration of the Holy Icon of the Mother of God Bringer of Victory saw a revitalised Archregimancy team bamboozling, befuddling, and bewildering a Squornshelous team who had previously openly declared that "The Lowland CLans [are] the only trying match remaining in the first half of qualifying". And in the 52nd minute, it was 2-2. Fr. Dmitri sent the ball foward to Fr. David the Water-Drinker, whose life of ascetic self-denial clearly also involves denying Pschychoes the ball as he feinted past one, ghosted past another, played an overlapping 1-2 with Fr. Pavel on the right, before caressing (in an entirely non-sexual, and therefore entirely monastically appropriate, manner) the ball past the on-rushing keeper.

The four goals so far would alone have justified the price of entry for any neutral, but the match was far from over yet. Wave upon wave of Squornshelous attacks broke upon the Archregimancy defence, and it seemed at times as if only divine fervour - and Fr. Justinian the Thrice-Blessed - were keeping the Pschychoes at bay.

But the match had one final twist, in the form of an 87th minute penalty, conceded by Fr. Michael the Greater. In a fit of penance, he immediately sent himself from the field in recognition of his justly-punished footballing sin - only to see Fr. Justinian pull off an astonishing save to deny the penalty. Alas for all Orthodox football fans, the wonder-working Archregimancy goalkeeper could only watch in horror as Sqournshelous tucked away the rebound to make it 3-2.

But the Pschychoes had been given an almighty scare.

Unfortunately, in other news, Pastorville last night overtook the Archregimancy in fourth place, following their 1-0 defeat of Adrasuvare, and Svecia's victory over Brazillico opened up a greater gap between third and fifth. Results in the coming matches against Brazillico and Svecia now look vital if our brave footballing monks are to make the tournament proper.

Casari4sport

Joy of Victory taken down with kick in the family jewels by Defeat
Casari back at 500 again with loss away at Alasdair

As crowds of Casaran Fanatics, wearing the new "Milo the Cat" Caps, crowded into Alasdair's home away from home stadium in the Archregimancy, they didn't know that what they saw would provoke them into violent, irrational rage.

The Game started off innocently enough, with Casari quickly taking a 2-0 lead at the 30 minute mark.

Suddenly, the referee started to turn on our beloved Colonials, quickly calling a questionable free kick from 20 yards, which was successfully converted on to cut their defecit in half.

The questionable calls continued as the Casaran Forewards were continuously held up by offside calls, many of which looked like toss-ups to observers and started a series of vulgar chants frow the Casaran end of the field.

The game continued, to the fans horror, as the home team struggled to pick up the equalizer, and then the winner in the final minutes of the game provoked an attempted pitch invasion at the final whistle to see themselves magically sent home, where they drowned their sorrows in some of Casari's favorite beverages.

When asked what caused the change of fortune for Casari today, fans only had one thing to say- the Referee. And when asked about that, one fan had a slightly sacrilegious view.

"I blame God. Clearly their prayers are equal to cheating. Therefore, no more praying."

ON BEHALF OF ALASDAIR I FROSTICUS

WORLD CUP QUALIFYING

With Basil and Theo

"..the teams line up, as we wait for the Holy Empire's inevitable thrashing at the hands of Baptism of Fire runners-up Casari. Basil?

"That's right, Theo... after two consecutive heavy losses to Bipedal Apes and Raptor Claw, the wheels are finally coming off this improbable and increasingly silly qualification campaign. If Casari don't beat us by at least two, I'll eat my hat."

22nd minute
"... a goal to Casari - inevitable given the pressure they've been putting the home defence under so far. Basil."

"Tzimisces Jr. could do nothing there, Theo - a fine Casarian goal"

30th minute
"...and that makes it 2-0. Looks like your hat is safe, Basil."

"Heavy defeat is inevitable at this point, Theo - though... it looks like the linesman has pulled a thigh muscle."

"It's a linesman hamstring injury. Never seen that before. And it seems that that the fourth official - Hans L'Aveugle - will take his place. That's a very thick pair of glasses he's wearing there, Basil..."

44th minute
"...Paleaologo ... Lascaro ... Vatatzes... Vatatzes is fouled 20 yards out, and the Casrians are protesting furiously"

"Can't see why, Theo - looks like a perfectly legitimate free kick to me - I'd be more worried about L'Aveugle... I'm not sure his offside calls have been entirely accurate since he took over for the injured linesman..."

"And Vatatzes converts the free-kick! My, that was unexpected - In what surely must be a first, that was almost a coherent, skilled, passage of play from the Imperials"

60th minute
"...another questionable offside call - Basil"

"L'Aveugle seems to be blind, Theo. He couldn't pick up an accurate offside call if his mother's life depended on it - and with Casari doing much of the attacking, it's the opposition who are suffering the most. There's some vulgar chanting coming from the Casari fans now, and it's just as well they're not playing the Archregimancy, or they'd have been sent home by now."

78th minute
"...the most enormous pair of mammary glands I'd ever seen, which reminds me..."

"I'll just interrupt that pointless anecdote, Basil, because Palaeologo is in the clear - he's past the last man. Surely offside... but no, the flag stays down... AND PALAEOLOGO EQUALISES! Another pathetic call by the linesman, and the Casari fans are disgusted - and frankly, who can blame them. This linesman is so blind, he's blinder than the blindest blind bat, that's how blind he is. And who knows, perhaps we should all be taking that literally, because this is getting ridiculous."

89th minute
"...Casari have been the victims of yet another series of ridiculous offside calls, and... NOT AGAIN!! Paleaologo in the clear again! And the flag stays down again! In fact, L'Aveugle is facing in entirely the wrong direction! He's trying to claim the Casari bench are offside - but the referee has to allow play to continue... AND PALAEOLOGO SCORES!!!!! The Holy Empire take the lead... The Casari fans are beginning to riot - quite rightly so, if you ask me... and ... oh dear - the Casari fans have been ejected from the Dreamed Realm for rioting. Sad that. But not as sad as this pathetic display by the legally blind linesman, and as Basil begins to eat his hat..."

"Mmeremmmm - shis vrry tasty, Theo - mrurummmmee"

"...the Holy Empire have - somehow - found yet another way to beat a vastly superior team against the odds. He's Basil, and I'm an increasingly inclined to laugh at the ridiculousness of it all Theo - goodnight"

the Pschychoes are in very good shape, with The Lowland CLans being the only trying match remaining in the first half of qualifying.

*the following scene takes place in Head Coach Reverend Brown's office*

Assistant Coach Reverend Carter: (runs into the office) Reverend Brown, have you seen the article released by the Squornshelous media today?

Head Coach Reverend Brown: No, why?

Reverend Carter: It states that their only remaining match of the first half of qualifying is against The Lowland Clans! Aren't they scheduled to be our next opponents? Here in Pastorville at that?

Reverend Brown: You are indeed right, Reverend Carter, for once. I fully expect that the Squornshelous national team knows that they are here for their next match. I just don't expect there to be any Squornshelous media here for the match. Though I certainly wouldn't mind it if their national team didn't show up, giving us a forfeit victory. I don't envy the idea of playing an unbeaten side who even beat Rejistania convincingly.

Reverend Carter: Shouldn't they be paying a little bit of attention to us, since we're in the middle of the table, well above where anybody expected us to be?

Reverend Brown: Like I said, their national team probably is paying some attention to us. Their media is ignoring us. It would be quite amusing if we were to manage to pull off the upset and leave their media wondering who in the world we are.

Reverend Carter: We'll never be able to pull it off.

Reverend Brown: Oh, ye of little faith. We've already drawn with the team ranked above them, Rejistania, in our national stadium, and we can do it against Squornshelous too. Let's get to practice.

SAINTS MARCH ON TO ANOTHER BLESSED VICTORY

The Pastorville Saints continued to surprise everybody by their presence in the middle of the table in Group 2 of WC XXV qualifying with a 1-0 victory over Adrasuvare. While the victory was somewhat expected, as Adrasuvare is ranked far below the Saints, they were taking nothing forgranted. Adrasuvare played fundamentally-sound offense throughout most of the match. Their one slip was in the 58th minute, when their passing got a bit sloppy and Reverend King ended up finding Reverend Harris on the counter-attack for the lone goal of the match. The Saints have surprised everybody by being blessed with 11 points in their first seven matches, which has put them in the middle of the qualifying battle in a very tough group. The Saints next match against Squornshelous is a match for which the Saints will be heavy underdogs, and will be hard pressed to earn one point, never mind three. However, God may decide to bless his faithful ones with more points in the match. We will have to wait and see.

Yet Another Stinking 1 Pt Loss!

Outside the BoF, losing by 1 goal has become a trend for the Sea Dragons that has had few exceptions. Once agin this proved to be the case as ASMV squared off against Hockey Canada. 1-0 was the final score.

"I dont know wether to be happy or disgusted!" exclaimed keeper Shaun Conarky. "We have primarily played teams that should have beaten us according to the rankings. And we have been competitive in all but one match that we have played. That should be a sign of great things in our future. But at the same time, losing by a single point almost every time out wears on you. It gets really old - in a real big hurry!"

"We will just continue to play our game. Hopefully we can shift some of these close matches to our favor." said interim coach, Pao St Martinique.

Next up for the Sea Dragons are the powerful Nedalia Lions, ranked 27th. This should be an easy game for Nedalia, but as they are not ranked lower than the ASMV squad (last time that happened, lower ranked RyukyuDaitoKazanNampo beat ASMV 5-1) we should expect another 1 point loss.

GRAHAM CITY SUN - Sports Section

Stars give the Orange-Blues a Game
Karen Westin

REJISTANIA - The Stars were in a rut. A bad, bad rut. After two underserved ties against new nations to the World Cup, they needed a good game in Rejistania to keep up morale and chance of qualifying. It didn't look good at all, admited Westley Stjepan prior to the game. "We haven't been playing as well as we should, myself included. We needed those games against the Solar Association and the Macabees, but now this is just disasterous." Many fans have called for Vosdanovich's head given the performance of the Stars team, but FFAS head Jason Fleury pleaded for patience. "Listen, this cup has been an exercise of patience for all of us. Bad calls, missed plays, these all happen whether it's to us or Rejistania or Bedistan. The second half of qualifying is still to come, and we have a pretty good chance if we step up our play.

If the heckling of fans and experts alike showed at all on the field today, you'd have to call us blind, deaf and stupid. The Stars came out with a fire we haven't seen in a long, long time. "It reminded me of when we watch Gavin Fleury when I was a kid," said one old fan. Nathan McKay got his first start of the campaign, and played well. He had two good chances from outside the box, using his well-hyped precision shots to give Kanavan some trouble in the first ten minutes. In a post game interview, Kanavan remarked that, "[McKay]'s got something special in that foot of his." But the pressure began to wane in the twilight of the first half, when the Karelan Orange-Blues took advantage of a bad giveaway by Leighton Butain, playing for the injured Iason Spyridon, who twisted his ankle against the Macabees. Kiru Kansu took the ball and laid a beautiful pass right onto the foot of Linux Raju, who burts past Carson Lindsay to score on a beautiful chip over Dylan Hughes.

The Stars continued their excellent play throughout the second half, giving the Rejistanian defense a run for their money. Kansu I Kansu said after the game, "It was pretty tense there for a while. They looked really hungry for something after those two ties." Stjepan fanned on a free kick just outside the box after a lapse of concentration by Vejin Jara led him to slide tackle Stjepan. But the Stars made a fatal error after Rich Blythe's temper got the best of him during a corner as he roughed up the keeper and then let the ref have it, drawing two yellows. Playing a man down, the Stars let up the pressure, but could not find the equalizer. "We played well, they played better," said Keefe Lavrentios after the game, "The story of our qualifying."

THE LOWLAND CLANS - 0

REJISTANIA - 1
Raju, 42nd

Other Scorelines
THE LOWLAND CLANS - 1
Gregor, 34th

THE SOLAR ASSOCIATION - 1
Pharan, 91st

THE LOWLAND CLANS - 3
Gregor, 24th, 38th
Jerold, 47th

THE MACABEES - 3
Seydlitz, 17th, 67th
Mannerheim, 51st


Stars Performance Brings Stjepan's and Vosdanovich's Leadership Into Question
Tino Tescada

LONDON, ENGLAND - Despite yesterday's well fought match against the Orange-Blues of Rejistania, fans and even some experts are calling for the heads of Westley Stjepan, captain of the Stars team two cups running and new manager Johannas Vosdanovich. Several experts have declared that Stjepan's leadership has failed our nation twice, and likened Vosdanovich's coaching to that of his predecessor Julius Nickti during the Cup of Harmony. The performance of the defense has also been called into question, and the sentiment is beginning to go against the classic 3-4-3 attacking formation which the Allied States has used since the team entered the World Cup.

Several faces have been suggested to replace Stjepan and Vosdanovich. For Stjepan, some have called for his ouster completely, while others believe that his captaincy should be placed on the shoulders of another. Gary Park and Carson Lindsay have been the two suggested, while many experts have suggested going international for the next National team manager.

Personally, I think this is all poppycock. First of all, we've only been through seven games out of eighteen, the Stars play has been stellar when they are on. But consistency has always been a problem for the Stars, especially since falling out of the top ten. But we still have an easy game against Adrasuave and the toughest match and probably the most important yet against the Psychoes in the up-coming weeks. Only after them and as we begin to enter the second half of qualifying will we be able to truly determine the effectiveness of the Stars.

In the central temple of Karela, monk Hesik coach of the national team of System Karela meets the other monks:
Hesik: Hejida, fellow servants of karela! I need advise!
Vladimir: Hejida fellow servant of Karela! Your problem is the national team?
Hesik: It is. We conceded 7 goals in 7 matches! Our defense is as leaky as a coke can used as shooting target!
Fjodor: It is, but we have an idea, which might change the karelan fate: Margaret!
Hesik: She died a while ago!
Fjodor: long enough ago to be reincarnated again!
Hesik: You mean?
Fjodor: We will search her and karelize her! Then she will influence the random number gods in our favor!
Vladimir: Believing in the Random number Gods is heresy!
Fjodor: They are just a form of the High Gods.
Vladimir: Ah okay! This sounds right and coherent!
Hesik: Can karelan monks search the world for the reincarnation of Margaret?
High Priest Siju: This sounds like a good idea! I will take care of this being done! Margaret will be here soon!

Cuation team need home staduim due to inner conflict

With civil war started, the home staduim is in rebel hands, only an old agreement has prevented any bloodshed around the area but soon that may change. As such the goverment has issued a plea for a temporary home staduim in another nation till the war has ended.

As it stands, General Jared is putting down the goverment loyalisits in the souther island while Warlord Jude builds up defences in the north, waiting for his chance to strike down his rebelling brother

Cuation get a win! At last but a shock win too? What joy!

Managed by Igor, the team was put under pressure by a good side but when sub Rual Mendiz broke clear to slide the team ahead, a shaky demorlised team picked up and managed to show the ability that saw them win the Baptisim of Fire, hanging on for a shock win. The next match is against the Demonlord, an unranked team but knowing our perofrmances against teams we should beat, a point is the best we can hope for.

Just one shock win and we are only a point behind Kipto? Shows how quickly football can seem to change. We will however be amazed if we finish below Athestan.

Math

"Welcome to the game, however there is some fear among the fans about the civil war. We really do need some help to host matches but for now, the agreement holds."

"Kipto have put managerless Cuation under pressure as expected. Sol Major has slipped and Gary Jens did well to get to the ball before a striker. We expect a thrashing."

"Gary Jens races off his line, it is one on one here... saved by the keeper! He used his legs well to block that effort. What a first half this goalie is having for the team. Certainly looks match fit now"

"Philip Cole has lost the ball and the team has been cuaght out. A long shot with Gary stranded...just wide! We are under enough pressure without giving the ball away."

"Peter knocks the ball down for Giovanni who has too much space. The playmaker moves forward and tries a chip! Off the bar and out. The keeper seemed to have it covered but worth a try."

"Half time and somehow Cuation are still in this game. Nerves are showing and without Jude, the team look lost. Igor seems to have an earpiece in, I wonder why."

"Giovanni is being taken off for Rual Mendiz and the formation changed to 4-4-2. Looking to counter attack more to allievate the pressure?"

"Long shot that Gary has covered, but he spills it! Must score but No Sol Major's sliding tackle nicked the ball away just in time."

"Asthon out on the right, bursting forward before crossing it to the edge of the box. Peter flicks it down into the path of Rual, who has burst past the challenge. One on One with the keeper! Shoots...goal!!!!! Cuation have somehow nipped in ahead, a clincal finish from the supersub."

"Cuation is now playing well, good passing play. The team seem stronger in mind now."

"Off comes Roy Ferguson for Jamie Hargreves, must be trying to close down the game."

"Full time! Cuation have won! Cuation are off the bottom!"

JGN Sports News

DB: David Becks, former World Cup player and Minister for Sports
AG: Anna Goldstein, JGN reporter

...

AG: Good morning to JGN Sport News. I'm sure World Cup Groupies are hanging out the Match day 6 results
DB: Good morning everyone.
AG: We have the results

GROUP 4
Jeruselem 3 Jacobian Tribes 1
Alemeinia 1 Nova Britannicus 5
Giant Zucchini 0 Chicanada 3
Hypocria 0 Oaker 2
San-Lorenzo 1 Kunar 1

AG: No surprises or shocks
DB: Very predictable results which is good for us
AG: Firstly, we beat Jacobian Tribes 3-1 after those draws
DB: Yes, we should have won and did. While not the 6-0 or 5-1 wins, being solid is the key to running a campaign to end. Burning out is a bad option.
AG: No panic?
DB: We must to beat against good teams but only one loss so not all bad
AG: Nova Britannicus on a roll
DB: We drew 1 ALL last game with them, then they trash Alemeinia 5-1. The draw wasn't bad in hindsight.
AG: Nova Britannicus to grab 2nd spot?
DB: Maybe, we have a long way to go still.
AG: Chicanada also rolll on. They thumped the veges 3-0. Now what's happened to the Zucchini team?
DB: We said Chicanada were a threat and this proves it. While the veges aren't the team they used to be, they need to be more consistent.
AG: Oaker undefeated still
DB: Like the Poms, not beaten. Oaker are top dog, no doubt. Hypocria are good team with a chance, but against the likes of Oaker - not a match at all.
AG: The rookies got a draw to spoil the run of wins.
DB: 1 ALL - San-Lorenzo vs Kunar. Wasted chance for these teams to get a win.
AG: All in all, not much change.
DB: Well, Hypocria lost so Jeruselem and Chicanada took advantage. Otherwise the table should be much the same with the bottom staying bottom. I haven't go the official table but Jeruselem or Chicanada should be 3rd.
AG: Group 9 results

GROUP 9
Eauz 0 RyukyuDaitoKazanNampo 0
Da WhoseLine People 3 Total n Utter Insanity 2
Adam Island 0 Spaam 1
Yafor 2 2 Nedalia 1
Andossa Se Mitrin Vega 0 Hockey Canada 1

DB: Well, well. Da WhoseLine People beat Insanians 3-2. That's a shock!
AG: Sure is David
DB: Nedalia lost 0-1. So sad, we had real hopes from World Cup 24.
AG: It's a tough group, and losing game hurts their chances.
DB: Good to see Hockey Canada keeping up despite their defensive mode
AG: Can they make it?
DB: Hard to say so far.
AG: RyukyuDaitoKazanNampo, who?
DB: No idea. Draw with Eauz is good though.

DB: Like the Poms, not beaten. Oaker are top dog, no doubt. Hypocria are good team with a chance, but against the likes of Oaker - not a match at all.


Dear Mr. Becks.

Please make sure you never compare Oaker's and dogs ever again, or we will see to it that you live a life even more miserable than that of a man who needs to steal someone elses name to feel good about himself. That is if we let you survive it.

Thank You,

Slit Oaker

OFA Representative/Hitman

Canucks cruise past Sea Dragons

Hockey Canadians stayed up either very, very late or woke up very, very early yesterday when Hockey Canada ventured to Andossa Se Mitrin Vega in World Cup qualifying. The Canucks were carrying a two-game winning streak heading into this game and looked like they could carry the momentum into the next game against RyukyuDaitoKazanNampo. The Canucks played horrible offensively and will return to karela style. These silly 1 goal games against teams like Yafor 2 and Andossa Se Mitrin Vega show Takela struggling to get off the ground.

The game saw quite a few chances but little progress as Thomas and the Andossa Se Mitrin Vega keeper stayed strong. With both goalies doing little to back down, the Sea Dragon keeper allowed the first and only goal of the match on a booming shot from Rahul Kulkarni. Watch out teams in the World Cup, because a trio of Kulkarni, Perrault and Thomas seems to be stirring up some chemisty on the team. Or physics... or all science for that matter.

The next game will be against RyukyuDaitoKazanNampo- a team that has been the spoiler for teams in this World Cup tying Eauz and dominating Andossa Se Mitrin Vega. Who will win? Rising team Hockey Canada? or newcomer RyukyuDaitoKazanNampo?

MD1: Hockey Canada @ Spaam (1-1 T)
MD2: Total n Utter Insanity @ Hockey Canada (Globen Arena-Stadium) (0-0 T)
MD3: Hockey Canada @ Eauz (0-2 L)
MD4: Da WhoseLine People @ Hockey Canada (Globen Arena-Stadium) (0-0 T)
MD5: Hockey Canada @ Adam Island (4-0 W)
MD6: Yafor 2 @ Hockey Canada (Globen Arena-Stadium) (2-1 W)
MD7: Hockey Canada @ Andossa Se Mitrin Vega (1-0 W)
MD8: Hockey Canada @ RyukyuDaitoKazanNampo
MD9: Nedalia @ Hockey Canada (Globen Arena-Stadium)
MD10: Spaam @ Hockey Canada (Irkutsk)
MD11: Hockey Canada @ Total n Utter Insanity
MD12: Eauz @ Hockey Canada (Irkutsk)
MD13: Hockey Canada @ Da WhoseLine People
MD14: Adam Island @ Hockey Canada (Anadyr)
MD15: Hockey Canada @ Yafor 2
MD16: Andossa Se Mitrin Vega @ Hockey Canada (Globen Arena-Stadium)
MD17: RyukyuDaitoKazanNampo @ Hockey Canada (Anadyr)
MD18: Hockey Canada @ Nedalia

Martin Backer, President of the Spruitland Football Association, did not particularly enjoy visiting the Royal Palace. It wasn’t a “watch your tongue, mind your hands, control your bodily noises” type of thing – the Spruitland court wasn’t too high on etiquette, which was a good thing in Martin’s case, or he probably would have been steered into a much less responsible function years ago. All one really had to do in the presence of His Majesty was to call him “Your Majesty”, or alternatively, “Your Highness” – at least when he was within vocal range. A fart and a burp here and there didn’t bother the King at all – in fact, he was very active on that level himself.

But what made King Alfons so hard to deal with was his damn unpredictability, combined with the fact that he was just plain mad. You could go into the King’s chambers for a routine bi-monthly update on the Spruitland football team’s achievements – pretty much what Martin was here for today – and come out with the explicit order to parachute out of a balloon wearing a pink tutu and a blonde wig. And since Martin hadn’t heard much from King Alfons in a while – usually at least some sort of silly suggestions regarding the Spruitland football team trickled in through official channels – he was more than a bit worried.

The worry only increased as it took much too long before he was allowed into the King’s private chambers. Not that this was extremely unusual, but His Majesty was a very “let’s get this over with” kinda guy, so whenever he did make you wait, it usually meant he was off into his own private world somewhere, cooking up some harebrained scheme that would undoubtedly make life very difficult for whoever he came in contact with next.

Martin briefly considered bailing out on his appointment, but before he could do so, the Royal Door opened. King Alfons hastily waved at him to come in, then disappeared into the room again. Martin cringed – that spelled trouble.

He went into the King’s chambers, and even before he had closed the door, he could see it was worse than he thought. There were piles of empty pizza boxes all over the floor, and they were centered around the Royal Computer and the Royal Couch, on which His Majesty apparently had been sleeping as well. The Royal Miter was dangerously leaning to the left, barely hanging on to the Royal Head.

The King was staring intently at the computer screen, mumbling to himself. Martin couldn’t see what was on the screen, and didn’t really want to know. His Majesty was an accomplished scientist and bio-chemist when he chose to apply himself, but his inventions often did more harm than good.

“You stupid prick!” the King shouted, and it took Martin a moment to realize he wasn’t being addressed. His Majesty’s eyes were still glued to the computer screen.

“Nooooooo!” The King jumped up, looked for a moment as if he was contemplating tossing the monitor out of the Royal Window, then sat back down, frantically clicked a few times, and looked up.

“Ah, yes, Martin. What do you want? Hurry up will you, I’m rather busy here.”

Martin nodded, he was all too willing to hurry up.

“Nothing special, Your Highness, just our regular bi-monthly meeting in which I keep you informed on how well our national football team is doing. I just got back from Lovisa.”

“Lovisa, Ireland?”

“Erm, no, Your Highness. Lovisa, the nation. The Wabbits had a World Cup Qualifying match there.”

“Ah, right right. How’d it go?”

The King’s voice didn’t sound particularly interested, and his eyes kept drifting back to the computer screen, so Martin kept the details to a minimum.

“A narrow loss, Your Highness. Very unfortunate. But it’s only our second loss, and we won five, so we’re still on schedule.”

“Five-Oh-Two, eh? Not too bad. Who else did we lose to? Fraid I haven’t kept myself up-to-date on it lately.”

“The trip to Nanakaland wasn’t a great success either, we…”

“Nanakaland!?! We lost to Nanakaland!?! Why the hell didn’t anyone tell me?!” He pressed the intercom. “Melany, get the Minister of Defense inhere, pronto! Tell him not to forget his missile key!”

“Perhaps… that would be just a slight overreaction, Your Majesty? Surely taking revenge on the football field would be far more gratifying? We’ll have another match against them…”

“Ah, yes yes, a thorough pounding, that will do nicely as well. Make sure to use wingers that are high in Dribbling, Pace and Crossing. That’s important, you know!”

“Erm, of course, Your Highness, I’ll pass your advice on to Cor.”

“Good good. Now, if that’ll be all, I really must get back to…”

“Certainly, Your Highness,” Martin nodded, but the King was already back behind the Royal Computer, focusing on whatever was on the screen, clicking away intently. “Well, there was one more thing I wanted to bring up,” he continued, far from certain it was a good idea to do so. Alfons looked up, slightly annoyed.

“You see, Your Majesty, our next match is at home against Bedistan, and after the recent loss in Lovisa, I thought it would perhaps be a good idea if His Majesty could, perhaps, be present at the match, maybe even meet with the players, provide moral support and such, you know…”

“Impossible,” His Majesty replied curtly. “I’m far too busy.”

“Naturally, if Your Highness is working on something important, then I suppose we’ll have to…”

“Of course this is important! I am this close to winning the Champions League, finally! Would have won it last season too, if friggin’ Beckham hadn’t missed that penalty! An 18 in Penalty Taking, my ass! Whoever researched that should get his head examined!”

“Pardon, Your Highness?”

“I sold him back to Real for 40 mil though, so hah!” King Alfons grinned triumphantly at the SFA President, who was thoroughly confused. “What, you don’t know Football Manager? The new version just came out. Here, have a look.”

Backer reluctantly came closer to look at the Royal Monitor.

“Here, have a seat, I’ll explain how it works. You hungry? I could order us some pizza…”

A few days later, less than an hour before the match against Bedistan, Wabbits coach Cor Bensen wondered why he still hadn’t heard from Martin Backer. He assumed that meant there would be no Royal Peptalk today. Which was fine by him, really, but it was very unlike Martin to just disappear like that…

Ariddia stand up to Liverpool England

Well, not quite… That would probably have made the headlines everywhere. It was still a nil-two defeat, but, as often, Ariddians had mixed feelings about the outcome.

“We held,” defender Yves al Jahdali of Audioslavian club Ceridhton United said, with a distinct touch of pride. “In front of Liverpool England’s home crowd. Everyone seemed to have been expecting a nil-eight thrashing, or thereabouts. But we played a solid game, and we conceded only two goals to the World Champions, without having to rely only on defence to do it. I think that we can be proud of our performance today. Not that we shouldn’t try to do better, of course.”

Many fans, while relieved at the outcome, nevertheless pointed glumly to the now familiar zero beside Ariddia’s name on the scoreline.

“One goal in seven matches,” one disenchanted supporter grumbled. “I don’t know why I even watch any more. It’s getting boring.”

There was relief that the team did not fragment into chaos during its first, high-stakes match without its captain. Ue Alt, red-carded in the previous game, will not be back in the field until matchday nine.

“We did all right,” temporary captain Sandrine Leduc said. “But we’ll all be relieved and glad when Ue is back with us.”

The burning issue, though, remains Ariddia’s apparent inability to score any goals whatsoever. The team’s single goal so far, in seven matches, was scored by midfielder Ta I during a 1-2 defeat to Limbrogidlia. Attacker Frédéric Clément addressed reporters today, lacking his usually cheerful countenance.

“I can’t tell you we’re going to be doing better,” he told them bluntly, “because we’re already trying and we’re not getting anywhere. Switching to overall more aggressive tactics is something we’ve been considering, but quite frankly that would mean weakening our defence, and I don’t think that’s an option. I’ve talked to [fellow attacker] E [Lel], and we feel giving Ismail and Clémentine more opportunities to play in our place is something we should explore. That doesn’t mean we’ll be taking a backseat and shifting our responsibilities onto our team mates. But something’s obviously very wrong, and if we can’t set it right, E and I both feel we should accept the obvious consequences.”

There has been much speculation about what the “obvious consequences” might be, and whether Clément and Lel intend to resign from the team if they don’t obtain better results. It has never been a tradition in Ariddia for poor results to spark anyone’s resignation, voluntary or otherwise, and it appears most Ariddians would favour Adam Seul staying on as the team’s coach even if Ariddia finishes bottom of Group 3.

“If coaches feel pressured to resign after every Cup, how can we expect there to ever be any progress?” one fan explained.

Of the hundred teams competing, Ariddia’s performance and single point currently rank it ninety-eighth, with only Revolutionarian Island and Michael Stricklandttttt having no points at all. “Which will change when they play each other,” another supporter pointed out glumly.

*the following scene takes place in Head Coach Reverend Brown's office*
*snip*



The Squornshelan media feels the need to clarify a report made earlier this week, concerning the Squornshelan World Cup team and their qualifying schedule. It has been brought to our attention that Squornshelous has more than one match remaining in the first half of qualifying, and that not all of them are against The Lowland Clans. We are well aware of this fact. The statement ". . .the Pschychoes are in very good shape, with The Lowland CLans being the only trying match remaining in the first half of qualifying." was not made believing that there was only one match left. We would direct those concerned with this issue to the following definition:

trying
try·ing adj.
Causing strain, hardship, or distress

If one will then review the quote in question, it is obvious that we believed The Lowland Clans to be the only match remaining that would cause strain, hardship or distress. We were quite aware of our remaining schedule, but did not believe that matches against such sides as The Archregimancy and Pastorville would cause the Pschychoes very much trouble.

Thank you for your time, we hope this media release has been informative.

Casari4sport

Back to our losing ways
Club down to 3-1-4 after dismal home showing to Bipedal Apes

Another unfortunate Casaran loss happened today, this time to the Soccer playing monkies of Bipedal Apes. And sadly, there was no excuse such as rain or a blind linesmen.

"What can we say, we're just underperforming. There's still 10 games to go, but the hope is slipping away a little bit, considering we can't beat a 1st grade gym class." The coach said.

On the other hand, while the team has little to be proud of, the monument to hooliganism out front has a new gift, thanks to the Archregimancy.

Section 121, Row K, Seat 4, dreamed out of the Dreamed Realm with the Casaran Mob, was both welded and bolted to the 1.5L 4-cylinder Tiger Cup Compact which previously made the pinnicle of the statue.

"This is something for all of Casari to be proud of." A fan said. "We stole a seat."

Growing on this, the Casari Hooligan's Alliance is hoping to steal seats from the stadiums of our remaining opponents for the rest of the campaign.

At a dive bar in suburban Nicksia, a trucker by the name of Alan Belmore bellies up to the bar and asks for a Blue Fox Ale.

"Sorry, but the price on that is $40 per bottle."

"What the fuck?!"

"We haven't received word from the distributor to reduce the price yet. And the embargo just ended."

"What embargo?"

"Didn't you hear? Sarzonia and Pacitalia severed diplomatic relations. It was lookin' real hairy for a while there. Heard the Pres talking about an 'ugly divorce' or some such."

"God damn. What isn't super expensive here?"

"Some of this Terminator brew from Liverpool England. 'Sposed to be good."

"I've had that stuff. It's about as tasty as their football is creative, which means neither one's any good."

"You've had it?"

"Yep. Damn near got sick. You'd think those fuckers poisoned it on purpose."

"Maybe that's why the IFF never agreed to let that airline fly them around."

"That and the Stars are still pissed off about losing the final."

"Speaking of the Stars, how'd they do today?"

"They won, 2-1."

"Who'd they play?"

"Ruventsoria. Five Civilized Nations drew PopularFreedom and Crystilakere drew Jon Parkin away. Spookyville drew Bakostrovia 1-1 at home. We've stretched our lead a bit."

"That's good. What about the Hyppos?"

"They drew 1-1 away to Chicanada. They're close to qualifying position."

"That's good. Do you have any of that Artitsan beer? It's great and it's cheap."

"Yep. That'll be three bucks."

"Here you go." The trucker then sat back and watched some of the other fixtures on the tele while taking a break from his long driving schedule. The Stars faced a tough test against a promising Bakostrovia side in the last of the first leg of matches having played to a 6-2-0 record. But the trucker was going to drink to the team's success thus far in the Barry Owens era.

Usual score in Ariddia
Disgruntled supporters blame West Ariddian balls

Another defeat. Another goalless performance by the Rouge-et-Noirs.

There are whisperings now that the electronically refitted footballs supplied by West Ariddian company SportOn!, an official sponsor of World Cup 25, may be somehow to blame for the team’s. . . somewhat lacklustre performance.

“How else do you explain the balls never going into the net when they’re shot by Ariddians? Obviously, it’s all a big capitalist conspiracy,” a supporter said, shaking his head. “Nah, I’m kidding. . . But. . . it’s getting frustrating.”

The rumours, increasingly widespread, appear to be mostly in jest, all the more so since the level of support for the Ariddian team in ‘enemy’ West Ariddia is particularly high.

From the bench, suspended team captain Ue Alt commented, six minutes before the end of the match: “Again, 0-2 isn’t a bad performance against a side like Druida. It’s not the defeats that are bothering me, it’s the fact we’re just not scoring. At all. One goal in eight matches simply isn’t funny.”

Attackers Frédéric Clément and E Lel – who did not play in this match, giving their slots up to their substitutes Ramirez and Faraj – appeared together an hour after the game to confirm they would indeed be leaving the national team if they were unable to significantly improve Ariddia’s performance.

“We’re representing our country on a prestigious international level, and what we’ve achieved so far just isn’t good enough,” Lel explained. “We expected this to be difficult, and we’re impressed by the quality of our team mates’ defensive playing. But we never expected to take part in game after game without scoring. It’s just not acceptable. We feel as if we’re not pulling our weight at our end, and letting our team and our country down.”

“We’re not here to heap blame on ourselves,” Clément added, “but simply to face up to facts and to our responsibilities. We’re not resigning straight away, because we want to start by doing everything we can to improve the situation. That’s our responsibility, and we won’t be shirking it. We’ll be resigning once our eighteen matches have been played, if we fail to meet the targets we’ve now set ourselves. Namely, to score at least five more goals in our ten remaining games, *and* to finish with at least four points. Anything less than that would be disastrous, and, as E has said, utterly unacceptable.”

Team captain Alt later reacted briefly with the following comment:
“Frédéric says he’s not trying to shoulder the blame on his own, but I think he’s doing just that. And he’s wrong. The problem we’re facing is one of overall strategy, and we need to work on it together. Frédéric and E are both skilled players, and we need them to stay on so we can improve, all of us together. We’ll need them with us in World Cup 26, just as we need them for the remainder of this Cup.”

Statistically, it remains possible for Ariddia to qualify, but, with the Rouge-et-Noirs bottom of their group, nobody in the Ariddian Isles are getting their hopes up.

ON BEHALF OF ALASDAIR I FROSTICUS

THE HOLY EMPIRE HERALD

CAPITALIZTS LEFT BANKRUPT
"Inoffensive centrist democracy" laughing all the way to the bank

By Constantine Ducaso
Archregimancy Correspondent


In the most insane result yet of what is rapidly becoming one of the most improbable World Cup qualifying campaigns in many a year (or at least since sister team the Archregimancy reached the playoffs at the first attempt in WC24) the plague-ravaged Holy Empire squad beat the Capitalizts of Commerce Heights 1-0. Away from home.

CHFF officials in 상업 고도 were left scratching their heads at the result, stating "Handelshöhen simply shouldn't lose to a team ranked 200th in the world - whatever their storied past", though some citizens of Υψών Εμπορίου were nonetheless prepared to give the Holy Empire its due - "though Altales Teriadem are still clearly the better team" insisted one random passer-by. Undoubtedly accurately.

HEFA officials were last night themselves still trying to explain away the result, with the current favoured theory believed to be that the entry of the Imperials into ordinary physical reality through a portal from the Dreamed Realm opened up a temporary vortex in the space-time continuum. As a result, the Holy Empire was accidentally represented by their quarterfinalist squad from World Cup 2 instead of the motley crew of incompetent misfits representing the nation in World Cup 25. Dreamed Realm technicians are said to be trying to see if they can guarantee that this 'accident' happens every time.

"I was particularly confused", said Coach Juan Tzimisces "Since this effectively meant that I was coaching my younger self - though might I add that I scored a fine trademark 30 yard left-footed thunderbolt in the 43rd minute. I was particularly pleased with myself at half time and have ordered that I be given a 500 nomismata bonus for my magnificent contributions to the victory. And we were fantastic - just as good as I remember us being when we hosted the second World Cup. Amazing stuff... ah, those were the days of Frosty Football at its very peak"

Concern is currently being expressed by HEFA officials over whether Commerce Heights might appeal the result on the grounds that the team fielded was not the team actually registered to play the qualifier.

As it happens, after 8 qualifying matches, the Group 6 table - improbably, inconceivably, amazingly - reads as follows:

GROUP 6 [unofficial]
Pos Team P W D L F A GD Pts
1 Cockbill Street 8 7 0 1 14 5 9 21
2 Alasdair I Frosticus 8 6 0 2 14 14 0 18
3 Bipedal Apes 8 5 2 1 21 12 9 17
4 Raptor Claw 8 5 2 1 18 9 9 17
5 Commerce Heights 8 4 2 2 11 9 2 14
6 Praying2God 8 3 1 4 11 9 1 10
7 Casari 8 3 1 4 15 17 -2 10
8 Revolutionarian Island 8 2 0 6 11 17 -6 6
9 Corruptomania 8 1 0 7 7 17 -10 3
10 Michael Stricklandttttt 7 0 0 8 3 16 -13 0

Though with the Holy Empire to play group leaders Cockbill Street in their next match, a rapid fall to fourth place is surely beckoning.

Chicanada Daily Rabbler
Lookit! We snuck in!

Kodiaks Take A Tie

Chicanada continued to get points when they can, as they wound up with another 1 all result against rivals Hypocria today at the Cananite Pavilion.

The game was pretty much decided early, as the Hypocrians and Kodiaks scored in the first ten minutes before seeing a rather defensive spectacle. Coach Clint Dempsey said he was happy to see his team get a needed point (thanks to Olani Pjan's goal in the 9th minute) but was disturbed that the 4-2-4 formation quickly shuffled into almost a full defensive stike against their opponents. The squad, known to be more agressive with 3 strikers, a forward and a attacking midfielder in their set, played it cool and almost wanted to preserve the tie rather than loose a needed point to keep the Kodiaks in contention for the final slot to the World Cup.

Going into their final game of the first half, on the road against San Lorenzo, the Kodiaks sit in 4th, 2 behind Jeruselem and one ahead of Hypocria in the chase for the final slot. Nova (regardless of their 3 ties) and Oaker (regardless of their shocking tie to Lorenzo) continue to pull away from the rest of the chase pack. The Kodiaks hit the road for a two game strech before getting the revenge game against Oaker in Southampton - a game the Kodiaks would like so see go better than a 4-0 thrashing.

Chicanadan Qualifier Schedule (with most locations locked in this time)
MD1: v Kunar (W 3-0)
MD2: @ Oaker (L 4-0)
MD3: v Jacobian Tribes (W 2-1)
MD4: v Nova Britannicus (T 2-2)
MD5: @ Jeruselem (T 1-1)
MD6: v Alemeinia (T 2-2)
MD7: @ Giant Zucchini (W 3-0)
MD8: v Hypocria (T 1-1)
MD9: @ San-Lorenzo
MD10: @ Kunar
MD11: v Oaker (@ Southampton National Square)
MD12: @ Jacobian Tribes
MD13: @ Nova Britannicus
MD14: v Jeruselem (@ Astur Depot Centre)
MD15: @ Alemeinia
MD16: v Giant Zucchini (@ Lis Stadia, Acadia)
MD17: @ Hypocria
MD18: v San-Lorenzo (@ Mogada Arena)

GROUP 4
Pos Team P W D L F A GD Pts
1 Oaker 8 6 2 0 14 3 11 20
2 Nova Britannicus 8 5 3 0 20 6 14 18
3 Jeruselem 8 4 3 1 16 8 8 15
4 Chicanada 8 3 4 1 14 11 3 13
5 Hypocria 8 3 3 2 12 13 -1 12
6 Kunar 8 2 2 4 8 14 -6 8
7 Alemeinia 8 2 1 5 8 17 -9 7
8 Giant Zucchini 8 1 3 4 11 16 -5 6
9 San-Lorenzo 8 0 4 4 5 12 -7 4
10 Jacobian Tribes 8 0 3 5 6 14 -8 3

ANOTHER LAME DRAW

Paladins limp into the end of the first half with 2-2 debacle

If it's not the offense it's the defense. Bloody hell.

Alexandria Times-Post-Gazette-Chronicle-Journal-Enquirer

Sports Section

Milchama Thrash Alan Shearer Heaven 5-1

The Milchama Warriors had their best game of the tournament so far today as they thrashed Alan Shearer Heaven 5-1. The Warriors scored early and scored often netting 5 goals in the first half before becoming karelan in the second. Coach Jonathan Fairbanks said, "This was a game worth remembering. Not only did Floren get his first hattrick of his career (internationally) but we flat outplayed these guys the entire game. This is probably the best game we have had since I have been in charge." Now on to the Match Report:

The Warriors started coming onto the field looking for a win especially because ASH struggled mightilly in the BoF before even going into the World Cup proper. The Warriors came out like the dominant as Floren scored in the 15th second of the match after Copperlee sprung him out from the opening kickoff. Floren shot past one man before shooting into the upper right corner scoring easily and making it 1-0 Milchama. That was only the beginning for the Warriors who would score 4 more times in the first half. The second goal came 12 minutes later as Johnny Rintell made a few unbelievable moves before switching field thru Kunalin who found Dunston Copperlee wide open on the left wing. Copperlee easily went around his marker before putting his shot into the net to make it 2-0 Milchama. The Warriors should have scored again in the 19th minute but Bantin's shot rebounded off the crossbar. They did score again though in the 26th when Dunston Copperlee found Faren on the wing and he crossed the ball strait into Marc J. Floren whose header easily beat the keeper going into the top of the net to make it 3-0 Warriors. They would score again only two minutes later when Tuck Feders got a pass from Faren and took a shot with the keeper out of position. The shot went over his head and into the net and suddenly the Warriors were up 4-0. The Warriors would score one more in the 45th minute when Flinters tried to dribble through the box but was blatantly tripped by a Alan Shearer. This allowed Copperlee to step up for penalty. He missed but his shot rebounded off the post and right to Marc J. Floren who shot right over the goalie and scored easily making it 5-0 Milchama at half time.

Second Half Report:
Coach Fairbanks tried one of his pet projects a Karelan Milchama and made the Warriors came out in an uncharacteristic 7-1-1-1. The forward was Floren and the back midfielder was Flinters while the more forward one was Copperlee. This formation led to a boring where nothing happened until the Warriors broke ranks in the 86th minute and could have scored but Floren just could not get past the last defender and missed the net. The ensuing goalkick allowed Alan Shearer past the 2 man Milchamian defense and right into the net to make it 5-1 Warriors. That was the final score.
Final Score:
Alan Shearer Heaven 1 (Shearer 89)
Milchama 5 (Floren 1, 26, 45 Copperlee 13 Feders 28)

Ariddians baffled by Frostican performance

The Rouge-et-Noirs have been following the Frostican team’s progress closely and with increased perplexity.

“It just seems impossible,” Ariddian midfielder Ta I commented. “We’re unranked; they’re unranked. We’ve won no games; they’ve won six. We’ve scored one goal; they’ve scored 14. I mean, we’re really glad for them, and we hope they can keep it up. But we’re utterly baffled as to how they’re doing it. If we knew how, we’d jump to trying to do the same.”

THE ARCHREGIMANCY BRINGS YOU

WORLD CUP TONIGHT

With Fr. Nicholas the Scribe and Fr. John the Golden-Throated

"So... Fr. John... Brazillico...."

"Just the sort of match we had to win, Fr. Nicholas - so I'm glad to report that a win is precisely what we achieved."

"And Holy Synod concerns that our squad would be distracted through the corrupting influence of scantily-clad Brazillican bikini-model bimbos?"

"Proved entirely unjustified, Fr. Nicholas. This was a home match, and - as you well know - women are banned from the Archregimancy. So there was no danger whatsoever that some young, willowy model would corrupt our monks, her full, ripe, rounded breasts pushing against her taughtly-hugging bikini top, her long, golden tresses shining in the sunlight, her ruby, bee-stung lips framing her soft, moist tongue as it licked the melting cream from..."

"Steady on there, Fr. John."

"Sorry about that, Fr. Nicholas. As you know, I was a father of 12 before my beloved wife died and I joined the monastery. Sometimes I forget myself"

"Well, just as long as you repent appropriately. Not sure I want to be the one hearing your confession this week, though. Anyway... what about the match?"

"An easy 2-0 victory. Brazillico are a shadow of their former selves. Let's go to the highlights...

In the 24th minute Fr. Polycarp the Venerable is fouled just outside the area, and converts the opportunity with a fervour usually reserved for converting the heathens - a magnificent strike. And, repeating a problem he had in World Cup 24, he's also immediately yellow-carded for time wasting as he rushes to the sidelines to venerate the Holy Icon of the Mother of God, Bringer of Victories. No wonder Fr. Polycarp is becoming disillusioned with international football - a ridiculous card, that one, that the Holy Synod and MFA are likely to appeal.

We continued to apply pressure - look at these near misses from Fr. Silouan... Fr. Nicholas the Hermit... Fr. Andrew the Twice-Found.... Fr. Silouan again.... And with Brazillico forced back into their own half, this weak effort ... was the only save Fr. Justinian had to make in the first half - he had less work to do this match than Adam did before the Fall.

We extended our lead in the 66th minute - and it's just as well it wasn't the 6th second of the 66th minute, or I'd have been worrying about the implications - through a trademark set play off the corner... Fr. Michael the Lesser sends it in, finds the towering head of Fr. Michael the Greater, total havoc and confusion ensues in the Brazillican area, and Fr. Silouan has a simply tap in. 2-0, we win, and God be praised"

"What about the rest of the group, Fr. John?"

"Well, Rejistania defeat the Maccabees (whom we still insist on spelling the Biblical manner) by a rather un-Karelan two goal margin; Squornshelous are again held to a surprisingly tight match by a team they'd dismissed as unthreatening - and again win anyway, this time against surprised package Pastorville; the Lowland Clans' nightmare continues as they're beaten 4-2 at home by the unknowns of Adrasuvare; and, in the match that interests us the most, Svecia put three past an overwhelmed Solar Association"

"Which means, Fr. John?"

"Which means, Fr. Nicholas, that after eight games, the top three are in danger of pulling away from the pack:

GROUP 2 (unofficial)
Pos Team P W D L F A GD Pts
1 Squornshelous 8 8 0 0 15 3 12 24
2 Rejistania 8 5 2 1 12 3 9 17
3 Svecia 8 5 1 2 16 6 10 16
4 The Archregimancy 8 4 1 3 10 6 4 13
5 Pastorville 8 3 2 3 6 7 -1 11
6 The Lowland Clans 8 2 2 4 10 16 -6 8
7 Adrasuvare 8 1 4 3 8 14 -6 7
8 Brazillico 8 1 3 4 4 8 -4 6
9 The Solar Association 8 1 2 5 5 12 -7 5
10 The Macabees 8 0 3 5 6 17 -11 3

This makes it all the more vital that we get some sort of result away to Svecia in our next match. A draw, and we're still in touch. A win, and we're equal on points. A loss, and the top three are - as likely as not - going to be at least five points above the fourth-placed team, and six points above us. Overcoming that sort of gap would take the sort of divine miracle that even we might not be able to accomplish"

The BUREAUCRATIC TRIBUNE!

Not so much joy or elation with matchday eight draw

SOMEWHERE (BT) -- After a big victory over ex-group leaders Fmjphoenix, the Ostriches would face a far-less high profile opponent in System Karela (which might as well be a lie because we don't know much at all about either). No matter the reputation of the side, in their matchday eight meeting both came away with one point in a 1-all draw.

There was little of note in the 90 minutes, save a goal by some dude on the other team, and a goal by one of the guys on the Ostriches side; no one really noticed, bored to tears and now highly expectant after the unprecedented six goals scored by the Oglethorpians in the last matchl. Regardless of the spectator's opinion, Torrence Black was exceptionally pleased with the Ostriches' preformance. "I was exceptionally pleased with their preformance. Especially the part where they didn't lose."

While Oglethorpia only made a draw, the Ostriches would fall from second in the group to third -- Druida cemented their lead on the group with a victory and Liverpool England shot past with a victory against Fmjphoenix.

On matchday nine Oglethorpia faces Israel4Ever in a home match in Amalgamated Stadium, Megalopolis City. Oglethorpia has reason to fear the fledgling side, given that it is composed of players from both "Isreal" and the ex-nation state of "4Ever." "We've reason to fear Israel4Ever," elaborated coach Torrence Black, "because it's composed of players from both 'Israel' and the ex-nation of '4Ever.' They merged and stuff, like a company. Anyways, they'll be really good, this is going to be the hardest match of qualifying as far as i'm concerned."

It remains to be seen if Torrence Black is correct -- only time shall tell, ending with a hardly hackneyed conclusion statement.

[QUOTE][ Yesterday, 11:33 PM #345
Ariddia
Ph33rs0m3 Sp@mm3r


Join Date: Apr 2003
Posts: 3,515 Ariddians baffled by Frostican performance

The Rouge-et-Noirs have been following the Frostican team’s progress closely and with increased perplexity.

“It just seems impossible,” Ariddian midfielder Ta I commented. “We’re unranked; they’re unranked. We’ve won no games; they’ve won six. We’ve scored one goal; they’ve scored 14. I mean, we’re really glad for them, and we hope they can keep it up. But we’re utterly baffled as to how they’re doing it. If we knew how, we’d jump to trying to do the same.”

/QUOTE]


Believe me I know how ya feel

Sea Dragons Lose Again
This is Kellan Kildan with an ASMV News update

Today the Sea Dragons faced the #27 ranked Nedalia squad and looked every bit of their 104th ranking as they fell 4-1. The only highlight for the ASMV squad was the first ever international goal from Porche Alexander, the 16 year old girl who joined the team when now interim coach Pao St Martinique went down to injury.

"Dont ask me if I am happy that I scored today!" screamed the young girl as she was swarmed by reporters following the match. "We played like s*** out there. We lost. Now get a grip!"

Porche's attitude was not the only one to flare. Several team officials were quoted with saying that ASMV was getting a raw deal in these quallifiers. Edgar Moroni issued this statement following the game -

"We did not come into this tourney with blinders on. We knew that the probability of beating teams like Hockey Canada, Nedalia, TnUI, and Eauz. And that probability was not very good. However we did like our chances against such teams as Spaam, Yafor 2, Ryukyu and the rest. It just seems a bit improbable that we should have only 2 points after 8 games. Hopefully things will turn around for us. We really expect to have a good game against Spaam. We owe them one. Pao would like nothing more than to getthe team's first win against the team that put him on the sidelines for WC25"

WARRIORS FALL FLAT ON THEIR FACES...AGAIN

The Praying2God Warriors couldn't match their effort from their surprisingly easy upset of Commerce Heights against Cockbill Street, falling 1-2 to further ensure that they will not threaten to qualify for WC XXV. It is clear that Group 6 is the qualifying "group of death" with 7 of the 10 teams already having earned double-figure points before the halfway point of qualifying, including the awfully suspicious success of Alasdair I Frosticus. The Warriors lone goal of the match came when the Faith's connected with Christa getting the goal on a pass from her husband, Kevin, in the 39th minute. The Warriors final match of the first half of qualifying is against Revolutionarian Island in the House of Prayer, which has now been adequately repaired to allow the Warriors to play there again. The Warriors should win that match, but they are playing too unpredictably to guarantee that.

SAINTS HANG TOUGH, BUT LOSE

The Pastorville Saints played Group 2 leaders Squornshelous very tough before losing 0-1 in the national stadium. It was a very impressive performance for the young Saints. The lone goal of the match was scored on a bogus foul call in the box, which gave Squornshelous a direct free kick early in the match. The Saints are hanging tough in Group 2, sitting in the middle of the table with only a match at Brazillico left in the first half of qualifying. The Saints will hopefully be blessed with a victory against a struggling Brazillico team that is a shell of its former self.

Pschychoes Held To a Tight Match

But win anyway, still perfect despite the best efforts of Pastorville

Squornshelous scored early on a disputed free kick, given to them on a tripping call that, to tell the truth, could have gone either way. However, the call did go in favor of Squornshelous, and Petr Skritsch put it into the top corner, scoring what was expected to be the first of a goodly amount of goals. However, the Pastorville defense played the match of their lives, completely silencing the potent Squornshelan attack, led by four veterans of three or more world cups. The play of their keeper was also inspired, as he made several saves that left the Squornshelan strikers' jaws hanging. So while the play of the game itself was not incredibly even, and that's not to say Pastorville didn't play well. The score remained 1-0 throughout the match. A very nerve-wracking scoreline after recent media announcements dismissing this match as already won. Along with their previous match against The Archregimancy, which was won by a score of 3-2, the Pschychoes have had a pair of very tough matches when they were least expecting it, and will look to rebound slightly against a struggling team from The Lowland Clans. Ironically, this match which is now hoped to be less, shall we say, trying than others, was previously thought to be our easiest match remaining in the first half of qualifying.

Who'da thunk it?

World Cup News
In association with Hellacious Huckleberry Gum

Shark Attack


It was a match that had been hugely built up in the media, Dave Wilson’s first competitive game at the Hyppodrome and against the same side his Sarzonia team beat in the final when they lifted the World Cup.

It was a real anticlimax. Even the support of 80,000 Hypocrian fans in the capital couldn’t help the Hyppos break done a formidable Oaker defence. The Sharks are leading the way in Group 4 and have been since matchday 2 when they demolished qualification contenders Chicanada 4 – 0. The fans saw first hand just why Oaker are at the top as the Sharks comfortably handled everything Hypocria’s finest could throw, or kick, at them and then hit two quick goals in the second half to kill off any resistance.

Hypocria 0 – 2 Oaker

In the other Group 4 matches the other contenders all recorded wins. Jeruselem triumphed 3 – 1 at home to the Jacobian Tribes, Chicanada recorded a comfortable 3 – 0 win in Giant Zucchini and Nova Britiannicus took control in Alemeinia, winning 5 – 1 in the end. San-Lorenzo and Kunar drew 1 – 1. With the Hyppos’ loss and wins for the other top sides it was a bad night in general for Hypocria’s qualification chances.


Not Exactly a Kodiak Moment

After the defeat to Oaker Dave Wilson’s side faced a tough trip to Chicanada knowing defeat to the Kodiaks would put when hell of a dent in the Hyppos World Cup dreams. There was no surprise when the coach brought defender Ricky Poskas back into the side at the expense of Mumtazi but eyebrows were raised with the news that Luc Sinclair would start instead of Liberda. A striker dropped in favour of a defensive midfield player and a consequent switch to 4-5-1 clearly showed the coach was concentrating on not losing the game rather than winning it.

The game at the Cananite Pavilion was surprisingly open considered the defensive mood of the Hyppos coach, well for the first ten minutes at least. In fact the Hyppos needed just 7 minutes to take the lead. Rytter took a pot shot from distance, the effort was blocked by a defender but the ball fell kindly for lone striker Andrei Shirko who slotted the ball past Raslan Seregn. The lead lasted less than 2 minutes, Olani Pjan with the Kodiaks almost instant reply. After that it became a defensive show with neither team willing to risk dropping points, particularly when news came through that both Jeruselem and Nova Britiannicus were in front in their respective matches. In the end both teams settled for a point that kept them within touching distance of third place.

Chicanada 1 – 1 Hypocria

Naturally while the Hyppos and Kodiaks were drawing Nova Britannicus and Jeruselem were improving their goal difference. Jeruselem beat Alemeinia 3 – 0 at home while Nova Britannicus went one better with a 4 – 0 home win over Giant Zucchini. Kunar picked up a win, 1 – 0 in the Jacobian Tribes but the result of the day came in Oaker where the top of the table Sharks were held goalless by bottom side San-Lorenzo.

GROUP 4 (Unofficial)
Pos Team P W D L F A GD Pts
1 Oaker 8 6 2 0 14 3 11 20
2 Nova Britannicus 8 4 3 0 20 6 14 18
3 Jeruselem 8 4 3 1 16 8 8 15
4 Chicanada 8 3 4 1 14 11 3 13
5 Hypocria 8 3 3 2 12 13 -1 12
6 Kunar 8 2 2 4 8 14 -6 8
7 Alemeinia 8 2 1 5 8 17 -9 7
8 Giant Zucchini 8 1 3 4 11 16 -5 6
9 San-Lorenzo 8 0 4 4 5 12 -7 4
10 Jacobian Tribes 8 0 3 5 6 14 -8 3

The Hyppos are now faced with two huge home matches that will go a long way in determining who will qualify from Group 4. First up its second placed Nova Britannicus, the group’s top scorers, in Pylos and then it’s back to the capital for the visit of Jeruselem, currently in third.

Qualification Schedule

Jeruselem v Hypocria (1 - 1)
Hypocria v Alemeinia (Drissa Sports Arena, Drissa) (3 - 1)
Giant Zucchini v Hypocria (5 - 1!)
Jacobian Tribes v Hypocria (2 - 2)
Hypocria v San-Lorenzo (Oceanside Stadium, Pylos) (1 - 0)
Kunar v Hypocria (1 - 3)
Hypocria v Oaker (Hyppodrome, Hypocrium) (0 - 2)
Chicanada v Hypocria (1 - 1)
Hypocria v Nova Britannicus (Oceanside Stadium, Pylos)
Hypocria v Jeruselem (Hyppodrome, Hypocrium)
Alemeinia v Hypocria
Hypocria v Giant Zucchini (Hyppodrome, Hypocrium)
Hypocria v Jacobian Tribes (Drissa Sports Arena, Drissa)
San-Lorenzo v Hypocria
Hypocria v Kunar (Reef Stadium, Coral City)
Oaker v Hypocria
Hypocria v Chicanada (Hyppodrome, Hypocrium)
Nova Britannicus v Hypocria

Own Goal!
Episode 5: Bubble, Bubble, Toil and Trouble

Commentator 1: …and 24 minutes have passed in this entertaining yet still goalless encounter between Nova Brittanicus and Giant Zucchini.

Commentator 2: Nova Britannicus.

Commentator 1: Yeah, that was what I said.

Commentator 2: No, you said Nova Brittanicus.

Commentator 1: No, I’m very sure of what I said, and what I said was…OHMIGOSH!

Commentator 2: No, I’m very sure you did not say that. That was surely not what you said before. I’m sure of it.

Commentator 1: Carl Hohenzollern has been sent off!

Commentator 2: Oh. Well, it was a nasty tackle. The nastiness of that tackle can only be described as ‘nasty’. That was how nasty that tackle was.

Commentator 1: And Giant Zucchini have to play the remainder of this match with 10 men.

Commentator 2: Indeed. Not only do they have to play the rest of the half with 10 men, they also have to play the 2nd half with 10 men. That, of course, unless someone else gets sent off, or a giant nuclear warhead crashes on Nova Britannicus.

Commentator 1: Which reminds me, I definitely said Nova Britannicus…

About 80 minutes later…

Commentator 1: …and that pass beats the Zucchinis’ offside trap, and he has to score from there.

Commentator 2: And indeed he does. He has condemned Xie to his 4th goal conceded in this match and his 9th in 3 matches.

(Camera shows Laredo slamming his slinged arm on his seat, then cowering in pain.)

Commentator 1: And that’s the final whistle. A lot of thinking for Gorton to do, as the Zucchinis lose their 3rd match in a row and their 2nd in a row without scoring.

Commentator 2: Indeed, Gorton has to do a lot of thinking. Thinking is necessary, especially for Gorton, being the coach of a national team. Also, being the coach of a national team, he has to do a lot of it.

Commentator 1: And with that, we say goodbye. Do join us for our next coverage of Giant Zucchini’s World Cup Qualifying journey.

To be continued…

Jeruselem Government News

3 wins and 2 draws ... all in day's work for the World Cup 25 Group 4

World Cup 25 Group 4. Any excitement? Shocks? Sort of ...

Oaker played San-Lorenzo and should have won but San-Lorenzo took home a draw, NIL ALL. San-Lorenzo who hasn't had a good time of late, did something amazing holding a top 10 team to draw. Hope for the future but for San-Lorenzo, the World Cup 25 is slipping away.

Kunar took some decisive action and won a game. They beat Jacobian Tribes 1-0 to take 3 points and sink the Tribes further down. Good stuff from Kunar.

Now for an important game. Chicanada vs Hypocria. As with most big games in Group 4, the score was ... wait for it ... 1 ALL. It was game worth taping for those fans for those teams but no three points for any of teams.

Time for some rookie thrashing. Jeruselem and Nova Britannicus did this. Jeruselem put down Alemeinia 3-0 to register another win and Nova Britannicus chopped up Giant Zucchini 4-0. The Nova Britannicus vs Giant Zucchini game was really important for veges, but the Poms showed why they are in the top 3 of Group 4. Jeruselem are chasing strongly with others still with a good chance.

Now, Group 9. GOOD NEWS

Nedalia hammered Andossa Se Mitrin Vega 4-1 after two losses recently. Good stuff from the Lions who roared today. Hockey Canada beat RyukyuDaitoKazanNampo 2-0 so both teams are winning again.

Da WhoseLine People impressed with a NIL ALL draw against Eauz.

GROUP 4
Jacobian Tribes 0 Kunar 1
Oaker 0 San-Lorenzo 0
Chicanada 1 Hypocria 1
Nova Britannicus 4 Giant Zucchini 0
Jeruselem 3 Alemeinia 0

GROUP 9
RyukyuDaitoKazanNampo 0 Hockey Canada 2
Nedalia 4 Andossa Se Mitrin Vega 1
Spaam 1 Yafor 2 0
Total n Utter Insanity 1 Adam Island 0
Eauz 0 Da WhoseLine People 0

LGP: "Well, election day is upon us again. How'd you feel?"

BP: "Just as nauseous as the last time."

LGP: "Fancy a flick through the paper?"

BP: "OK."


The Daily Druid

DRUIDA STILL ON TOP
Eric Tree on Druida 3 Ariddia 0

Druida stayed at the summit of Group 3 last night with a comfortable 2-0 victory at The Hole.

Two goals for Gareth Yr Dinistrydd, one either side of half time, was enough to see off the World Cup founders, condemning their opponents to their seventh defeat in eight.

It means that Druida are now six points ahead of Fmjphoenix, who have fallen down to fourth after two defeats in a row.


Group 3 Pl W D L F A Pts GD
Druida 8 7 0 1 16 5 21 +11
Liverpool England 8 6 1 1 19 11 19 +8
Oglethorpia 8 5 2 1 20 11 16 +9
Fmjphoenix 8 5 0 3 18 12 15 +6
Israel4Ever 8 4 0 4 9 10 12 -1
Milchama 8 3 2 3 12 9 11 +3
System Karela 8 2 3 3 4 8 9 -4
Limbrogidlia 8 2 0 6 5 14 6 -9
Alan Shearer Heaven 8 0 3 5 5 17 3 -12
Ariddia 8 0 1 7 1 12 1 -11

Such a slide has struck fear into the heart of Druida's supporters, as they fear that thier side will be the next to take a tumble down the table, after Liverpool England's shaky start and now the Vikings' slump. But the longer the good run contin...

LGP: "I did mean the front pages, you know, Bill."

BP: "Uh? Oh. Of course."


The Daily Druid

ELECTRIC BILL
Posters nailed on for election victory, says Trevor Connolly.

OK, so I know we've been here before. But that was before he'd sorted the corruption out. Now, it seems, there is nothing that can stop Bill Posters becoming only Druida's eighth ever President.

Bill Posters was pretty damn popular before. Now the guy is a hero of the people! Of course, we're not expecting him to Make Druida Sober again. That might just be pushing it a bit. But even the most paralytic of Druidans recognise that that isn't what Posters is about. He's just a man who loves his country, and wants to do the best he can for it.

Of course, there were some people out there thinking that Posters could be done out of victory for a second time. No chance. His supporters, like the man himself, don't know what complacency is. Plus Druida's win over Ariddia last night will also have people in a happier mood, making them more likely to show their support for their football-turned-political hero.

BP: "It brings a tear to my eye, Liam. It really does."

LGP: "Shall we?"

BP: "Why not?"

*We see Liam and Bill wander off into... wait, is that a pub? They're not taking up drinking to celebrate their win are they? How hypocritical can they... Oh no. It's OK. Didn't see the sign in the window that said "polling station." Guess we'll let them off with that one, then.*

RyukyuDaitoKazanNampo got their RyukyuDaitoKazanNampawned!

The game was pretty simple- the Hockey Canada Canucks went to RyukyuDaitoKazanNampo Stadium to show up, murder, and leave with fans with wierd names booing them. Positional play was excellent, Kansu was in his place up front, the midfielders were dominating play in the middle while the 7 defenders were setting up what looked like the 'Great Wall of Hockey Canada'. Thomas did get much shots, but despite that he made it his place to stop whatever easy shots came at him.

Syku Kansu, the 15 year-old phenom, started the scoring in thr 16th minute. A bad back pass from a RyukyuDaitoKazanNampo player left Kansu with a breakaway chance on net. Kansu didn't disappoint when he ran at full speed at the RyukyuDaitoKazanNampo keeper. The RyukyuDaitoKazanNampo keeper hesitated and backed away almost to the goal line before Kansu took his shot and easily placed Hockey Canada into a 1-0 lead.

Rahul Kulkarni finished the game in the 2nd minute of extra time when a RyukyuDaitoKazanNampo player actually grabbed a Hockey Canadian player and threw him down just a few feet outside the 18 yard box. Thomas was expected to take the kick due to the time in the match and the lead the Canucks had but Kulkarni was told by coach Toe Blake to do so. Kulkarni too the shot hard and high as it slammed off the crossbar. The ball nailed the bar and fell into the net just inches behind the goal line to the delight of the Hockey Canadian fans.

Hockey Canada now needs to face Nedalia- a team who will be fighting Hockey Canada for a qualification spot. Globen Arena-Stadium will be sold out for this important match. What will happen? Only time and our bookies will tell.

MD1: Hockey Canada @ Spaam (1-1 T)
MD2: Total n Utter Insanity @ Hockey Canada (Globen Arena-Stadium) (0-0 T)
MD3: Hockey Canada @ Eauz (0-2 L)
MD4: Da WhoseLine People @ Hockey Canada (Globen Arena-Stadium) (0-0 T)
MD5: Hockey Canada @ Adam Island (4-0 W)
MD6: Yafor 2 @ Hockey Canada (Globen Arena-Stadium) (2-1 W)
MD7: Hockey Canada @ Andossa Se Mitrin Vega (1-0 W)
MD8: Hockey Canada @ RyukyuDaitoKazanNampo (2-0 W)
MD9: Nedalia @ Hockey Canada (Globen Arena-Stadium)
MD10: Spaam @ Hockey Canada (Irkutsk)
MD11: Hockey Canada @ Total n Utter Insanity
MD12: Eauz @ Hockey Canada (Irkutsk)
MD13: Hockey Canada @ Da WhoseLine People
MD14: Adam Island @ Hockey Canada (Anadyr)
MD15: Hockey Canada @ Yafor 2
MD16: Andossa Se Mitrin Vega @ Hockey Canada (Globen Arena-Stadium)
MD17: RyukyuDaitoKazanNampo @ Hockey Canada (Anadyr)
MD18: Hockey Canada @ Nedalia

thsd:NEWS
Arora Not So Borealis

SEVEN goals and a punch-up. This game should be transmitted to the furthest reaches of Irkutsk and KaMaRi kali to show people how exciting football should be played. The only problem being that it was Bettia who came away with the points, four-three.

The carnage commenced all of seventy seconds into the match, as Bettia's Krytenian Connection (TM) got in the groove. Jon McKinnon of Patriots linked up with Aigburth's Latif Hunter, and the young striker stroked the ball past Barcali and put the Aroras in front. They almost made it two in the seventh minute, but Chris Hutton's leathered shot was tipped away by Barcali.

Krytenia tried to turn things around, but they had to rely on some supreme luck to equalise. McKinnon's clearance fell to Kevin Keda on the halfway line, and the Aces anchorman saw the Bettian keeper off his line. His shot looped up, the keeper slipped, and the ball dropped guiltily into the net. Twelve minutes later, and enter Kennedy. It was he who jinked past two Bettian defenders and blasted the ball into the net - two-one Aces. Another Hunter strike meant that the half-time score was two-all, and a thrilling second half was in order.

It was the Aces who took the lead for the second time in the match on sixty-two minutes. Keda got himself forward again, played a neat one-two with Spivey, and slammed the ball into the net. It was not to last though, as a Chris Hutton thunderbolt put the Aroras level once more.

Into stoppage time, and three-all looked like a well-deserved result. Then Chris Hutton went down after being looked at funny by Lyle Lovitz, and the Starblaydi ref, the notorious halfling Blinky McGee gave a penalty. Latif Hunter duly took the matchball, the ref blew for time, and all hell broke loose going into the tunnel. Lovitz went to hospital requiring stitches to his hand and McGee going to hospital minus several of his teeth in a twenty-man brawl.

Ah, the gentleman's game.

BETTIA - 4
Hunter 2, 40, 90+1 (pen)
Hutton 65
KRYTENIA - 3
Keda 16, 62
Kennedy 28

SCORERS
G. Kennedy: 10
R. Spivey: 5
K. Keda: 2
N. Caraiani: 1
P. Neasden: 1
D. Signoriello: 1
C. Stevenson: 1
J. Terezzi: 1
S. Ziov: 1

QUALIFYING SCHEDULE
MD1: A v CAP L 0-1
MD2: A v ECH W 3-0
MD3: H v ANA W 5-0 (Mellion Lane, Davisham)
MD4: A v NMS W 3-2
MD5: H v TGD W 4-1 (The Mound, Secklow)
MD6: A v PGJ W 2-0
MD7: H v NCR W 3-0 (Brecklands, Linford)
MD8: A v BET L 3-4
MD9: H v TON ????? (Sixways Stadium, Avidia)
MD10: H v CAP ????? (Oxley Park, Everton City)
MD11: H v ECH ????? (Mercia Stadium, Bromham)
MD12: A v ANA ?????
MD13: H v NMS ????? (Denbigh Park, Ousevale)
MD14: A v TGD ?????
MD15: H v PGJ ????? (Walton Gardens, Simpson)
MD16: A v NCR ?????
MD17: H v BET ????? (Davis Memorial Stadium, Everton City)
MD18: A v TON ?????

CAFE: N v FMJ ?????

Looking ahead

In a last test before this groups most important match between Starblaydia and Tadjikistan, the Tadjik Tigers bagged up three points in Kudlastan. Two goals by Salenko and Szarmach halped the fans forget the draw and loss from Matchday's 7 and 8 while sending their team to the second place in group 1.

But the real question is 'how long can the Tadjiks hold on to their spot?', the Tadjiks have a though match up ahead while Vilita gets to play Kudlastan at home. The Vilitans are almost sure to have an extra three points while the Tadjiks start of as the underdog. The Tadjiks have the advantage that they play at home but still face a much stronger opponent

But thats exactly what Bahrom Sadirov liked most 'I remember such names as Bedistan, or Total n Utter Insanity in WC24, we beat them while they were favourites. We perform best in the role of underdog. Everyone expects us to lose, so we are free to experiment and try out whatever move may bring us to a surprise draw or victory.'



GROUP 1
Pos Team P W D L F A GD Pts
1 Starblaydia 8 6 2 0 14 4 10 20
2 Tadjikistan 8 6 1 1 13 4 9 19
3 Vilita 8 5 2 1 17 9 8 17
4 Dauna Hills 8 3 3 2 9 10 -1 12
5 Lethislavania 8 3 2 3 11 11 0 11
6 Kudlastan 8 3 1 4 6 8 -2 10
7 Metfield 8 2 2 4 7 9 -2 8
8 Rordia 8 2 1 5 6 10 -4 7
9 Kericia 8 2 1 5 7 17 -10 7
10 Da Philelfya Empiya 8 0 1 7 5 13 -8 1

Note: The Tadjik National Football Federation is not responsible for any mistakes or faults that may be found in this group table.

Fixtures:
MD1: Da Philelfya Empiya - Tadjikistan W 0-2
MD2: Tadjikistan - Kericia W 3-0
MD3: Metfield - Tadjikistan W 0-1
MD4: Tadjikistan - Rordia W 1-0
MD5: Dauna Hills - Tadjikistan W 1-2
MD6: Lethislavania - Tadjikistan L 2-1
MD7: Tadjikistan - Vilita D 1-1
MD8: Kudlastan - Tadjikistan W 0-2
MD9: Tadjikistan - Starblaydia
MD10: Tadjikistan - Da Philelfya Empiya
MD11: Kericia - Tadjikistan
MD12: Tadjikistan - Metfield
MD13: Rordia - Tadjikistan
MD14: Tadjikistan - Dauna Hills
MD15: Tadjikistan - Lethislavania
MD16: Vilita - Tadjikistan
MD17: Tadjikistan - Kudlastan
MD18: Starblaydia - Tadjikistan

First Half Recap

The Silver Anniversary of the football World Cup has brought about the usual mix of predictability and the unexpected, while in some cases (Sarzonia v. Euroslavia), the game of political football threatened to overshadow the brand of footy played between the chalked lines. The Woodstock Daily Mail will bring you its take on this World Cup qualifying sequence's first half and make its bold predictions for the remainder of qualifying.

GROUP 1
Tadjikistan is used to dominating performances in World Cup qualifying, but has trouble parlaying that success into major victories once the creme has risen to the top 32 sides in the world. Even in a qualifying group that includes World Cup XX champions Vilita and perennial contenders Starblaydia, they still figure to advance to the final 32. Dauna Hills have been a pleasant surprise, edging ahead of Lethislavania, the standard bearers for the Haven region. The three teams we look to move on to the Finals are Tadjikistan, Vilita, and Dauna Hills.

GROUP 2
Squornshelous have lapped the field in a group that includes the country that invented System Karela, Rejistania. While this group is not as deep as Group 1, it still also includes talented Svecia and a blessed side from The Archregimancy. Erstwhile World Cup contenders The Lowland Clans will have to pull off a comeback to earn a slot among the final three and former two time World Champions Brazillico are trying to rebuild to their old glories. A promising group from The Macabees have not had the results to match their talents yet, but they may still have something to say about the outcome. Our predicitons are that Squornshelous, Rejistania, and The Lowland Clans will ultimately end up travelling to Kaze Progressa or Audioslavia.

GROUP 3
Without usual qualifying group nemesis Sarzonia breathing down their necks, Druida have been the clear class of a group that includes the reigning World Cup champions and second ranked side Liverpool England, but the theatre seems to be which team will earn the coveted third slot between Fmjphoenix and Oglethorpia, which beat the world champs in a shock 4-1 result. Former World Cup royalty Ariddia seemingly have found themselves on the wrong end of the wrath of Margaret, denting the opponent's net only once and earning one draw in nine matches. Druida, Oglethorpia and Liverpool England figure to advance, leaving Fmjphoenix out in the cold.

GROUP 4
Looking to step out of the shadow of their Starblaydi masters, Nova Brittanicus sit ahead of Oaker on goal differential, whilst win-draw records and standings points are identical. This figures to be an entertaining group as the top six sides still have at least an outside shot at qualifying. A Jeruselem still riding the momentum of their success in World Cup XXIV, a perennial high-quality side in Chicanada and a Hypocria side guided by former Sarzonia boss Dave Wilson all figure to battle it out for the third slot. Even Alemeinia remains as a possible dark horse candidate, though they will more than likely fade at the end. After the two co-leaders, we think the Hyppos will draw upon Wilson's magic for the qualifying spot.

GROUP 5
The Group of Drama features Sarzonia (7-2-0, 23 points), 2-1 winners away to Bakostrovia facing a tough group but somehow ending up five points clear of Five Civilized Nations, a country it has come to respect for its footy prowess. However, only three points separate second place from fifth, as World Cup XIX champions Crystilakere, newcomers Bakostrovia, and multiple Cup of Harmony holders Kylaai are separated from each other by one point respectively, with Five Civilized Nations only one point clear of the Crystils. While Euroslavia have hardly been Titans, the former Chromas remain circled on Sarzonia's calendars because of the political tensions between the two former allies. After all the smoke and fire blow out, we predict Sarzonia, Five Civilized Nations, and Crystilakere to go through to the round of 32.

GROUP 6
Cockbill Street figured to be the class in this group, and thus far they haven't disappointed, going 8-0-1 in nine matches. Up and coming Bipedal Apes and long ago World Cup hosts Alasdair I Frosticus surprising many observers by returning as if they'd been playing footie all along. Only one point behind qualifying position lurks Raptor Claw, who also sit three points clear of Commerce Heights, who right now can't seem to bribe their way into the World Cup finals. Casari have shown promise in the Baptism of Fire Cup and they can't be completely dismissed just yet, though Praying2God probably need to take Stevie Nicks's live in concert advice from "Gold Dust Woman" and "pray harder". The three sides who should be booking their reservations are Cockbill Street, Bipedal Apes and Raptor Claw.

GROUP 7
Bedistan have been playing with a vengeance, going a perfect 9-0-0 after last Cup's disappointment where they didn't even advance to the quarterfinals after three straight Cups of advancing to at least the semis. The team no one can figure out, Lovisa are in second place but have Spruitland breathing down their necks. Nanakaland remain within striking distance of a top three slot, but Sarzonian fan favourites The Weegies will have to go on a tear to advance. Unfortunately for Sarzonia's rooting interests, the top three from this group will be archrival Bedistan, Spruitland, and Lovisa.

GROUP 8
Unlike their colonial masters, Turori have the edge on first place in their group, though it's by goal differential against One Red Dot. The battle for third place in this group figures to be as entertaining as any group's, with basketball royalty Harlesburg, Oliverry, Hurfordia, Aztec Kingdom, and Elrich all within a late run of calling their travel agents for the trip to Kaze Progressa or Audioslavia. We believe it's still a safe bet that Turori, One Red Dot and Harlesburg go thorugh, though we doubt it will be easy.

GROUP 9
Despite Sarzonia's tension with Euroslavia, the runaway holder of the Team of Controversy title in this World Cup has to be Total n Utter Insanity. After World Cup organisers inexplicably left them out of the qualifying season, they were forced to redraw the World Cup and start over with this tournament. Besides that, they were incensed when Jeruselem reporters "compared them to dogs and Sarzonia." The resulting controversy didn't sit well with the Sarzonians, who had enough wars of words in their own region and whose resentment of Total n Utter Insanity is well-documented. Hockey Canada look to break through to the World Cup finals for the first time in their history after several near misses and are in second. Misguided Eauz look to make a communal return to the World Cup finals in a Cup they haven't hosted, while perennial annoyances Spaam are just behind Eauz in a one point procession that includes Da WhoseLine People[b], Woodstock Pact allies Yafor 2, and [b]RyukyuDaitoKazanNampo. Even Sarzonian favourites Nedalia and former prodigies Adam Island have an outside shot, but the teams to move on from here will be Total n Utter Insanity, Hockey Canada, and Eauz.

GROUP 10
Krytenia are the class of their group once again after a one Cup hiatus from qualifying campaigns. Bettia are just two points off the pace
while footballing newcomers New Montreal States are themselves just two points clear of Tonissia. Longtime contenders EL CID THE HERO don't look very heroic at the moment, resting in sixth place, four points behind Caprine States for fifth and six points behind the final qualifying spot. Even though their result was reduced to just a practice session for the resumed World Cup, The Gupta Dynasty are viewed by wary Sarzonians after a hard fought 3-2 loss to the Stars. However, our bold prediction is that it will be Aces up, as Krytenia, Bettia, and Caprine States to go through.

BEST TEAM Right now, Bedistan. Their 9-0-0 record comes with a goal differential of plus-26 although their results have come against what passes for a mediocre qualifying group in this World Cup qualifying sequence.

WORST TEAM Michael Stricklandttttt The only team in the World Cup without even a draw to their credit (0-0-9), they edge out Ariddia, who are the worst offence in this World Cup qualifying round.

PRAYING2GOD SOCCER ASSOCIATION NEARLY READY TO ANNOUNCE CUP OF HARMONY HOSTING BID

With the Praying2God Warriors eliminated from WC XXV qualifying contention by the halfway point of the tournament, the P2GSA has been making serious inquiries into how the nation would be able to handle hosting somewhere between 16-20 teams and their fans for CoH XVII. The fire at the House of Prayer was a nice opportunity for the P2GSA to see how another stadium could handle the pressure of hosting a big soccer match, and Cornerstone Stadium passed with flying colors. The main questions at this point are if Praying2God has enough stadiums large enough to host all the group play matches and is there enough hotel rooms and other housing options for everybody to have a place to stay. At this point it is a pretty safe bet that the P2GSA will announce its formal bid to host CoH XVII before too long.



POLICE CLOSE INVESTIGATION OF REFEREE MURDER, CITE LACK OF LEADS

The Praying2God police announced today that they have closed their investigation into the murder of the South Osettian referee after the Warriors match against Alasdair I Frosticus. They stated that they had received no credible leads in the case from the public, and their investigation did not turn up any likely suspects. The seeming lack of effort of the Praying2God police in this investigation draws into question whether they were seriously looking for the murderer or if they were "looking" for the murderer.



OOC: Back to the first story, if anybody wants me to post the findings of the first test of my scorinator in the discussion thread please ask. My first test was done with a broad range of teams, my second test is being done with a group of teams about the size of the CoH and about the ranks I'd likely end up with. I also need to come up with a couple more stadium names before I formally declare my bid.

SAINTS CLOSE SURPRISING FIRST HALF OF QUALIFYING WITH A DRAW

The Pastorville Saints certainly weren't scared by the aura surrounding Brazillico considering their past success, and left Brazillico with another point after a 0-0 draw. The Saints are no threat to qualify for WC XXV, but they will certainly be a scary match-up for any of the teams looking to qualify, as the tough Saints defense has produced five shutouts in their nine matches. The Saints will not spend a lot of time at home during the second half of qualifying, but they look forward to the challenge.

Sea Dragons Battle Hard for Draw

Considering the extreme run of bad luck the team has been dealing with, a draw against # 53 Spaam was a welcome sight for Sea Dragon fans everywhere.

Rare poor play on the defensive end allowed Spaam 3 goals. That is the third highest goals total given up in international play as of yet. The surprise was the attack. For the first time since the BoF, ASMV scored more than 2 goals themselves. Pablo Iglesias (13th minute), Evan Evans (44th minute), and Porche Alexander (88th minute) did the work for the team.

The first half of the qualifiers is now in the books, and the team is happy to see it done. All hope is that they can pull out of their funk and perform to potential in the second half of the schedule.

First Half Thoughts

Quoting Porche Alexander:
"Dont ask me if I am happy that I scored today!" screamed the young girl as she was swarmed by reporters following the match. "We played like s*** out there. We lost. Now get a grip!"


I think that really says it all.

Guess the score?

That’s right! How did you guess? Ariddia scored no goals.

As the Rouge-et-Noirs were soundly beaten one-nil in front of a home crowd in Wavecrest City Stadium, despite their best efforts, the dismal result barely even drew comments or disappointment from the fans. Players could not help but cringe, however, as the label “worst team in the world” has begun to be heard.

“I’m still behind them,” one forlorn but loyal fan insisted. “They need our support now more than ever. Go, Ariddia!”

But, for the first time, the players seemed a little dispirited while performing the traditional ulek, intended to bring fear to the hearts of their opponents. Given their record, the Rouge-et-Noirs seem to be finding it difficult to make anyone afraid, or to keep up their own sense of confidence.

There have been mutterings about the “curse of Margaret”, and player Jean Kitenge has labelled the situation “bl**dy incredible”.

Unofficial team spokesman Frédéric Clément appeared before the press once more shortly after the match.

“Much as we may enjoy entertaining the world with our dismal performance,” he began wryly, some of his customary humour returning despite the weariness in his eyes, “we’ve come to the conclusion that even our opponents might enjoy seeing us score a few more goals. Just to liven things up, you know, and provide a bit more of a challenge.

We’ve studied the playing of other teams, and we’ve decided to radically change our strategy for the nine remaining games. Up till now, we’ve tried for a balanced style, but obviously that’s not working. So we’re going to go for all-out offence. We’ll be switching to a 3-4-3 formation. Our defence will be weakened, but there’s no sense in us continuing with a worthless strategy. It’s time to take a few risks.”


OOC: Which means Ariddia will be switching from a 0 style to a +2 one.

The Nedalia Lions

Heart of a Lion? Not in Nedalia, Apparently

KAFRA, NEDALIA - With 9 matches out of 18 played, the WC 25 Qualifying campaign is officially half done. At this point, the Nedalian fans were expecting to find their Lions solidifying their position in the top three of Group 9, or at the very least battling for a chance to qualify for the second year in a row.

What they have been treated to, instead, is only 3 victories out of 9 matches, and a grand total of 9 points out of a possible 36. This is not the way things were supposed to go, and for the first time in the history of the squad, the pressure has finally turned on the once untouchable manager of the Lions, Randy Gamman. After the latest defeat to AO counterparts Hockey Canada, Gamman held a press conference announcing that if the results didnt improve, he will hand in his resignation papers to the NFA himself. Some think that the NFA should already be looking for a replacement.

Its going to take nothing short of a miracle for Nedalia to make it back into the top three. With Total n Utter Insanity occupying the top spot with 20 points, it leaves Nedalia 11 points off and with a very unlikely chance of getting up to that position. A more realistic goal (albeit not by much) is for the Lions to look towards the 3rd position, currently occupied by Eauz. They have 15 points, 6 more than the Nedalians.

Although there is 9 more matches to go, many are already looking forward to next season. It is almost inevitable that Gamman wont be around when this qualifying campaign is done, but the blame cannot lay with him only. The team in general has been so maddeningly inconsistent and lacking of any passion that they have driven everyone crazy. Even superstars such as Nene and Tim James have been guilty, and it has made the team suffer remarkably. They will need to pull it together if they want to stand any chance of making it through. Its going to be one hell of an uphill battle from here, with Gamman or without the only coach the Nedalia Lions have ever known.

MID-WC AWARDS BOUND TO CREATE MORE CONTROVERSY

Time for some mid-WC XXV awards to be handed out. We've observed what's taken place so far in WC XXV, and here's what we came up with:

The Barry Bonds Award: Alasdair I Frosticus

The Minnesota Vikings Award (biggest flop while creating a scandal): Praying2God (sad, but true)

The Chicago Cubs Award (biggest build-up before disappointing everybody): Hockey Canada (you asked for it:p )

The Cal Ripken Award (most endurance): Kaze Progressa (for essentially running the WC by themselves)

The Ryan Leaf Award (most inept): Ariddia (for 1 goal in 9 matches)

The New York Yankees Award (most overrated, based on performance): Sarzonia

The Accordion Award (who’s filled with the most hot air): The Archregimancy (for extremely lengthy match reports, not their religious beliefs)

The C.P.P.E. Award (most intimidating to play): Rejistania

The Venus Flytrap Award (most likely to catch an opponent by surprise): Pastorville

The Pelé Award (best ambassador for the sport): Starblaydia (there are several worthy candidates for this award)

The Daily Druid

POSTERS, RAINBOWS WIN
By Eric Tree

OK, I'm a sports writer, not a political one, but over the few years that I've worked with Bill Posters, I feel I've got to know him well. I just want to tell you all how much of a great president he'll be. However, I'm sure you'll have read that in the rest of this publication.

These are the sports pages, so sport we shall give you!

The Druida Rainbows carried on their excellent qualifying form with a 3-1 victory in Milchama, keeping them two points ahead of World Cup holders Liverpool England and six ahead of both Oglethorpia and Fmjphoenix.

The match itself proved once again how effective system hisisim is. The Druidans swamped the Milchamans all game, with their midfield overwhelming the entire pitch. The downfall to the system was that they only have one out-and-out striker in the team, and so only managed three goals. Only when victory was pretty much assured later on did their opponents look like a threat.

So Druida now have the third best record in the entire cup. Out of absolutely everyone! Only Bedistan and Squornshelous are better than us right now, and neither of them have the reigning champs in their group, so it makes our achievement seem... well, about the same, actually.

Final score:
Milchama 1 [Floren 87]
Druida 3 [Belmore 23, 66, L. Jones 41]

First half played, Cuation too erratic

Nine games in, Cuation have just one win and have the worst goal diffrence in the group. They have scored just five goals, again the worst in the group with their conceded record in the bottom four. Just one place of the bottom and behind Athestan and Demonlord, the team below called Kipto-Mare will no doubt rocket back up the table soon.

Having only beaten Kipto, an upset at the time, three of the defeats where expected however losing to Athestan is considered an insult and if that team finish above, the goverment will file a complaint. Four draws seems to show a team unable to find the killing edge, we have been to inconsistent since winning the Baptisim of Fire.

We also...congratulate anyone who won the awards

Demonlord12 1 Cuation 1

Cuaion played well but failed to find the final ball when it mattered, still they took the lead when Roy Ferguson was tripped outside the box. Up stepped player Giovanni to curl the ball round the wall and past an unprepared keeper. The deserved lead was wiped out when Gary Jens came outside the box for Demonlord long ball. He was cuaghting in possesion and the lead thrown away

Cuation 1 The Weegies 1

Cuation fell behind early on and never looked like getting into the game but somehow the Weegies not only failed to score again but managed to draw. When Philip Cole hit an early cross to the far post it was a rare breather for Gary Jens, there seemed little danger. as Heskey knocked it towards the defence. Yet somehow supersub Rual Mendiz got to the ball first, diverting home an equaliser

A group of monks enter Rejistania and travell to Hetkali. They look just like normal monks of Karela, but they are not. Some slight differences in the type of cloth they wear and the color it has indicates, they come from the heartland of Karela: System Karela. Maybe it also indicates their karelaness that they often mutter things like: "How takilan!" and carry glowing va'karela'ny. They enter the central temple of Karela and are welcomed by other monks and priests.
System Karelan Monk Syku: Hejida, servants of Taderekansa! We come here because we request your help...
Rejistanian Monk Kansu: Help? With what? You have the society of Karela, you live on the only place, where takilan behavior is an absolute taboo...
System Karelan Monk Syku: But our national team... to spread the message of Karela, we want it to be good, but we lose! We even...
Rejistanian Monk Sikanu: Don't say it!
System Karelan Monk Nana: Well, we do, even though we used every single spell we know to improve the performance... despite that... they keep on well, you know what I mean!
Rejistanian Monk Sikanu: The opponents score against you?
System Karelan Monk Nana: Yes... We want to find the reincarnation of Margaret. Only she or he can sacrifice to the gods so that we draw scoreless or win...
High Priest Haxada: I heard about this... and had chances to check the signs. I think we should find Margaret's reincarnation and make her help both of our sides, the Orange-Blues as well as the Defenders.
System Karelan Monk Syku: This sounds good!
High Priest Haxada: Can you and Sikanu and Hexen work together to find a place in NS, where she can be?
{They nod}
High Priest Haxada: You have the support of the temple for your work! Be successfull and follow the karelan path!
System Karelan Monk Syku: We will try! Oh! {hands High Priest Haxada a scroll of parchment} here is the spell, you needed for the national team.
High Priest Haxada: Which spell?
System Karelan Monk Syku: You asked for a spell to keep the team from scoring after a certain result...
High Priest Haxada: Oh thanks... These 5:0's are not bad since they are victories, but 2:0s would be better!

Chi Sun-Times-Tribune-Star-News-Today-Now-Sunday

Sports Section

Bad first half means bad game as Milchama lose 3-1

The Milchama Warriors were outplayed today as the Druida Rainbows hasisim system (which sounds to us like marijuana but hey if they can beat us then where are the drugs?) with something like 7 midfielders controlled the midfield and put the Warriors on defensive mode for the entire first half. The second half saw some break throughs in the defense but not enough to come back and even get a point from this match. Coach Jonathan Fairbanks said, "We played a pretty good game out there today but in the end the Rainbows were the better team. This is not a bad result just bad timing. We need to do much better in the second half of qualifying to even think about going into the World Cup." Now onto the match report in one long winded paragraph:

The game started poorly for the Warriors who were immediately dumped back into their own half. Despite repated attempts to breakout they could not. The most successful attempt was in the 22nd minute when Flinters almost found Bantin but his pass was intercepted and went strait thru the Druidan team right to Adrian Belmore who side stepped Thompson before scoring the first Druidan to make it 1-0 Druida. After the goal the Milchamians became more defensive and showed some skill in stopping Druida from scoring. Unfortunately they seemed to neglect attacking and this allowed the second goal to be scored by Liam Jones in the 41st minute. He headed a ball from a corner kick to make it 2-0 Druida. That would be the half time score. The Warriors came out attacking in the second half though as Mills Thompson started getting the ball to Doni Kunalin who had a rare good appearance as a Milchamian international. Kunalin managed to bring the ball past the midfield but he could not connect to the forwards who seemed to be just out of reach. The attacking kept the Rainbows on their heels but they still did some good play on their own as Ricky Mallon found Liam Jones on the wing on several the most noticable of which was when Jones crossed the ball right into Belmore who shot and scored easily to make it 3-0 Druida. After the goal the Rainbows played back and the Milchamian attack finally got going. Copperlee could have scored in the 78th and Flinters should have scored in 82nd. The Warriors would not get shut out though as Doni Kunalin got into the box and then passed to Floren on the right side of the net. Marc J. Floren then shot and scored to make it 3-1 Druida. This would be the final score.
Final Score:
Milchama 1 (Floren 87)
Druida 3 (Belmore 23, 66 Jones 41)

Also the entire nation of Milchama welcomes Hockey Canada into the masses of Cubs fans everywhere who have waited for 97 years for a championship.

Casari4sport

Win at Raptor Claw evens out first half of qualifying
4-1-4 record not a source of pride for Casari this year

9 games down, 9 to go, and Casari hasn't made the best showing of themselves, by any strech of the imagination.

While 4-1-4 isn't hideous, nor the end of the world, or even that far off from last years 6-3-5 record, the performances, both at home and versus lower ranked teams, have been sub par. With only 4 home games remaining, Casari is going to have to scratch and bite for every single point it can get away and overwhelm opponents within Casari National.

Now Casari sits 6th in group 6, with other teams by no means out of reach with a full nine games remaining, but the slope obviously leading uphill from here.

The next game against shock MD1 winners over Casari in Corruptomania will probably define how Casari will perform the rest of the campaign, but those who know have odds on a return to the Cup of Harmony, that Casari had a suprise run in last time around.

Considering the number of 1 point losses, we should have tried for the Tanya Harding Award. :p Oh well. Maybe if the trend continues.........:headbang:

Chicanada Daily Rabbler
Lookit! We snuck in!

MidQualifier Review
Kodiaks Put Distance on Hyppos, Gear For Second Half

We'd report about the Chicanadan National Side's 2-0 victory over San Lornenzo, keeping them two behind Jeruselem and now four ahead of Hypocria, but why bother when we can predict the future!

GROUP 1

Starblaydia not leading? Color us shocked! However, they should have no problem holding off Dauna Hills or Lethislavania to join Vilita and Tadjikistan in KP and...er...KP?

Projected final 3:
1 Tadjikistan
2 Starblaydia
3 Vilita

GROUP 2

The Archregimancy is making a strong run and might have enough to sneak past Svecia and get into the Finals. Rejistania's stingy defense could have enough to catch the Squornshelous side and win the group.

1 Rejistania
2 Squornshelous
3 The Archregimancy

GROUP 3

This could get fun if the Oogles can't get more points to hold of Fmjphoenix or Israel. LE and Druida should safely be in at this point and are fighting more for top side than anything else.

1 Druida
2 Liverpool England
3 Fmjphoenix

GROUP 4

The Kodiaks are right where they need to be but can't be too comfortable with the Hyypos and Alemania nipping at them. They need some help to edge past Jeruselem, and need a win in Nova to help things out. We're saying just out right now...but a home upset of Oaker or the 'lems could change our minds.

1 Nova Britannicus
2 Oaker
3 Jeruselem

GROUP 5

Sarzonia leads? Will wonders never cease! Yeah, the Stars are in, with four teams clamoring to get in. FCN and Bakostrovia look like they can pull it off to us.

1 Sarzonia
2 Five Civilized Nations
3 Bakostrovia

GROUP 6

Can Alastair get into the finals? Perhaps, but the Capitalizts are not going to let that happen. Raptor Claw should also get in, leaving a very capable Apes side out.

1 Cockbill Street
2 Raptor Claw
3 Commerce Heights

GROUP 7

Pencil this one done. Maybe the Weegies can make it interesting, but the final 3 are set.

1 Bedistan
2 Lovisa
3 Spruitland

GROUP 8

Without making the obvious crack about Turori never leaving, no matter how often we hear about it, they are moving on. As will One Red Dot. As for the final slot...

1 Turori
2 One Red Dot
3 Oliverry

GROUP 9


Will HC finally make it through? No (hey, why mess with the expected?)

1 TnUI
2 Spaam
3 Eauz

GROUP 10

This group could also be done, as the top 3 should have enough to maintain their current positions and make it to Kaze.

1 Krytenia
2 Bettia
3 New Montreal States

Chicanadan Qualifier Schedule
MD1: v Kunar (W 3-0)
MD2: @ Oaker (L 4-0)
MD3: v Jacobian Tribes (W 2-1)
MD4: v Nova Britannicus (T 2-2)
MD5: @ Jeruselem (T 1-1)
MD6: v Alemeinia (T 2-2)
MD7: @ Giant Zucchini (W 3-0)
MD8: v Hypocria (T 1-1)
MD9: @ San-Lorenzo (W 2-0)
MD10: @ Kunar
MD11: v Oaker (@ Southampton National Square)
MD12: @ Jacobian Tribes
MD13: @ Nova Britannicus
MD14: v Jeruselem (@ Astur Depot Centre)
MD15: @ Alemeinia
MD16: v Giant Zucchini (@ Lis Stadia, Acadia)
MD17: @ Hypocria
MD18: v San-Lorenzo (@ Mogada Arena)

MID-WC AWARDS BOUND TO CREATE MORE CONTROVERSY

The C.P.P.E. Award (most intimidating to play): Rejistania

The Venus Flytrap Award (most likely to catch an opponent by surprise): Pastorville


Two of the previous three statements are viewed as correct by the Squronshelous Pschychoes, who defeated Rejistania 2-0 and defeated Pastorville 1-0. I won't specifically point out which one may be incorrect in our view, but I'll bet you can figure it out.

(hey, I can cause a little controversy too can't I?)

Pschychoes Still Winning Close Ones

The Lowland Clans hangs tough for a 1-0 match

Once again, the Pschychoes found themselves unable to pull away from an opponent, scoring early against The Lowland Clans and then being silenced for the remainder of the match. The lone goal was in the 11th minute on a quick scramble for a loose ball that went to Franz Persson. Persson then effortlessly knocked it in past the keeper. However, his plays looked anything but effortless for the rest of the match, as the TLC players marked him shirt tight until the final whistle. Both keepers put on an outstanding show, with Jorge Fernandina coming out the victor in a closely fought duel. The match was also very physical, and Gunnar Thorsen left the match late with a leg injury. The team doctors have not yet released information on his condition, but Kryztoph Markannen played well in substitution for him, and it has been hinted that he may start the next match against The Macabees.

Final Score:
Squornshelous 1-0 The Lowland Clans

Scoring Summary:
SQ: Persson [11]

thsd:NEWS
Gentlemen, Start Your Engines!
By Daniel Wheldon in Avidia

MOTOR racing is the most popular sport in the nation of Tonissia. After this non-performance, they should stick to it. The visitors were put to the sword at Sixways, Krytenia romping home to a five-nil victory.

Gabe Kennedy and Robin Spivey helped themself to a brace apiece as the Aces stormed to a four-nil first half lead. Kevin Keda, back in the goals after a seven-game scoreless streak against Bettia, completed the nap in the seventy-first minute with the home side cruising.

The Aces will be looking for revenge against the Caprine States in their next game, the Goats having won the first game by one to none.

KRYTENIA - 5
Spivey 13, 31
Kennedy 18, 25
Keda 71
TONISSIA - 0


SCORERS
G. Kennedy: 12
R. Spivey: 7
K. Keda: 3
N. Caraiani: 1
P. Neasden: 1
D. Signoriello: 1
C. Stevenson: 1
J. Terezzi: 1
S. Ziov: 1

QUALIFYING SCHEDULE
MD1: A v CAP L 0-1
MD2: A v ECH W 3-0
MD3: H v ANA W 5-0 (Mellion Lane, Davisham)
MD4: A v NMS W 3-2
MD5: H v TGD W 4-1 (The Mound, Secklow)
MD6: A v PGJ W 2-0
MD7: H v NCR W 3-0 (Brecklands, Linford)
MD8: A v BET L 3-4
MD9: H v TON W 5-0 (Sixways Stadium, Avidia)
MD10: H v CAP ????? (Oxley Park, Everton City)
MD11: H v ECH ????? (Mercia Stadium, Bromham)
MD12: A v ANA ?????
MD13: H v NMS ????? (Denbigh Park, Ousevale)
MD14: A v TGD ?????
MD15: H v PGJ ????? (Walton Gardens, Simpson)
MD16: A v NCR ?????
MD17: H v BET ????? (Davis Memorial Stadium, Everton City)
MD18: A v TON ?????

CAFE: N v FMJ ?????

Golden Wolves In The Hunt....Ummm...Maybe Not

It was a saddened Yaforite team that gathered in the locker room following the Total 'N' Utter Insanity (more commonly known as "TnUI") game. They wore frowning faces, angered thoughts, and an overall feeling of disappointment. After going unbeaten for five games in the qualifying, they had been given a taste of reality, via higher ranked teams, and while they were only three points out from third place and 8 from the top, there was a feeling of utter discontent.

Game 6
Hockey Canada 2 - Yafor 2 1

A defensive slugfest was what it was known as; to the dispirited Golden Wolves, it was simply a physical washout. The tough Hockey Canadian play bashed the Yaforites down into the dust, tripping and falling. The Golden Wolves, try as they might, not only did not get calls, they also didn't get the ball. Their goal, a Captain Gerod Flamer dribble-shot, was nothing spectacular. Flamer later said that they would "pass them Canucks into the ground" next time they played them, and "that we want revenge". However, the Golden Wolves will need their bruises to heal first.

Game 7
Yafor 2 2 - Nedalia 1

It was time to salvage some pride, following the Hockey Canada disaster and every Golden Wolves player knew it. Both the Malar brothers collected their fifth goals apiece, each on give-and-gos with thunderous shots at the end. Nedalia played like a true team, passing and moving, but the game was dominated by the Yaforite game, one which was a midfield distribution and counter attack. Nedalia were on their toes the whole game, not sure how the Golden Wolves would attack, but in the end, the scoreline said it all.

Game 8
Spaam 1 - Yafor 2 0

This was not a "bad" game in the sense of the word "bad". The Yaforite Golden Wolves were not playing badly, with Captain Gerod Flamer and his substitute (67th minute) Prince Sebard both managing the game from the middle. They distributed left and right, with the wingers gaining shots, but the fact that Spaam were much more experienced showed. Spaam and Yafor 2 exchanged possetions, both holding onto the ball for extended periods of time, but in the end, the experience of having been here before, having done this before won out over heart. So there is something to be said about experience, after all.

Game 9
TnUI 2 - Yafor 2 1

A typical "Insanitan" game. The ball ricocheted off every side of the field, in crosses, kickball, and just regular play. Since the beginning, it was obvious that the Yaforite Golden Wolves were outmatched. TnUI controlled the field and the tempo of the game, playing much faster than the YAforites would have hoped. The screaming Zydrakos Dome crowd did little to energize the home team, though they did come back to score their goal in the 87th minute, thanks to an excellent sho by Hales Ysilko which easily went in. For now, they cannot be happy with coming close. The road to the world cup is tough for a 79th ranked team, so the way to get there is to win.

The Bureaucratic Tribune

The Ostriches make it two draws in a row

SOMEWHERE (BT) -- Having scored an equal amount of goals (that is, balls past the opposing keeper for a numerical value of "1" in a competition to attain the highest counting number of said goals) as the other team in two seperate matches, Oglethorpia's Ostriches have now recorded two draws in their last two matches.

"At least they didn't lose," said the typically dismal Oglethorpian Association of Football President, Joe Staplin. "Things could be worse."

Conversely, Torrence Black thinks the Ostriches are -- dare we say it -- on pace to qualify. "They're taking it easy -- resting for the more important matches, which we fully plan on winning." Perhaps it's coaching strategy, or just rationale for what most Oglethorpians see as lackluster preformances over matchdays eight and nine after two spectacular upsets.

"What's up with that? Israel4Ever? Never heard of 'em, but we drew 'em. Lame," commented one fan.

Striker Coat MacHangar is quick to dismiss the detractors of the Ostriches. "You gotta look at the big picture. We're only 9 matches into the thing, 9 left -- still plenty of time left to kick ass, take names, and all the things related to that."

Fellow forward Anton Kremlov stood by his teammate. "We'll make up for it. We promise. Pinky-shake, all that kind of stuff."

Oglethorpia still remains in third place in the group, but with Druidan, Liverpoolian English and Fmjphoenixican victories, further draws by the Ostriches will only see their deficit to a qualifying spot grow larger and larger.

The Ostriches face the Heaven of Alan Shearer, Oglethorpia playing to their home crowd. "We expect to draw," said Torrence Black, making use of reverse psychology. "That equates to a win. I mean a draw, of course."

Draw or win, or perhaps even a loss -- only matchday ten will tell, in typical hackneyed end of a Bureaucratic Tribune newspaper style.

NINE DOWN, NINE TO GO

What happens now is beyond us, but we're gonna try anyway

After a 3-1 win over Newcommunist Republics salvaged three points from an otherwise disappointing closing stretch for the Paladins, coach William Branstone is prepared to do it all over again, with higher stakes this time.

"We're right where we were at this point in WC24," he said, noting the Paladins' third-place spot. "Hopefully, we can avoid the same fate as our previous team. In fact, I don't even own any firearms, so murder can be safely discounted as a possible outcome."

So you want predictions? Fine, have some predictions.

GROUP 10
Pos Team
1 Krytenia - Who's surprised? No, really. This spot will not change, come hell or high water. Nine consecutive wins for these guys are not out of the question.
2 Bettia - Beating these guys at the Paladin Dome during our next matchday would be very nice, but don't bet on it. Probable qualifiers.
3 New Montreal States - As paranoid as ever.
4 Tonissia - Surprisingly strong showing so far, definetly better than we gave them credit for at the start. Might trip the Paladins on day 11, and put themselves in the driver's seat for third.
5 Caprine States - Huh. What are they doing in fifth place? Expect that to change quickly, probably at our expense.
6 EL CID THE HERO - Don't forget, they're still 19th in the world, and will probably do much better in the second half than in the first. A win against the Paladins is likely.
7 The Gupta Dynasty - Living up to expectations, but we're not going to overlook these guys.
8 Newcommunist Republics - See "The Gupta Dynasty"
9 An archy - Wait, what are these guys doing down here? They should be somewhere around 5th or 6th, and dealing out upsets and scares to teams like the Paladins.
10 Pagajeucianism - Pagan Jews? Ask our friends in the Archregimancy about the theological implications of that. The football implications haven't been so hot, though.

[OOC: RL is about to temporarily intervene... I'm about to go on holiday, and won't be back until the 19th. As a result, both the Archregimancy and Alasdair I Frosticus are going to be silent for a week. Pity this might impact the chances of both teams just when they're doing surprisingly well, but forgive me for thinking that RL sometimes comes first. Anyway, in the meantime, we need an RP explanation for that silence....]

THE ARCHREGIMANCY BRINGS YOU

WORLD CUP TONIGHT

With Fr. Nicholas the Scribe and Fr. John the Golden-Throated

"Good evening. Fr. John, I have an announcement to make"

"What's that, Fr. Nicholas?"

"It seems that the heretics over in Praying2God have sent us an accordian!"

"Well, that's very nice of them, though personally I prefer the bandoneon. D'you know, before I became a monk, I was quite the tango dancer. Often Esmerelda and I would dance the forbidden dance under the light of the full moon, our bodies moving as one to the sounds of the bandoneon as El Presidente's secret police attempted to wipe out the freedoms and small pleasures of the young"

"Ummmm... Fr. John... What are you talking about? Your late wife was called Anastasia, you're originally from the Holy Empire - not a banana republic - and as far as I'm aware, you've never been near a bandoneon - or an accordian - in your entire life"

"I'm sorry, Fr. Nicholas. I'm not sure what came over me... it was almost as if there was some disturbance in the matrix of the Dreamed Realm. As if there was some dark foreshadowing of mysterious events to come..."

"Fine. Whatever. Anyway... the match. The crucial crunch match away to Svecia. The match we couldn't afford to lose. The match we desperately hoped to win."

"Oh yes.. that match... let's look at the highlights!

The first half was one of those titanic struggles that often characterise dramatic events. Whether David facing off against Goliath, Elijah facing off against the priest of Baal, or Christ confronting the moneychangers in the temple. This was full-throttled football played at it's very best - but there were no goals. Fr. Siloun hit the woodwork .... Svecia had a very good claim for a penalty turned down following this humbling tackle from Fr. Dmitri ... both goalkeepers pulled off near-miraculous saves .... but somehow the ball stayed out of the net.

But the second half was another story... much as the Bible is a book of two halfs ... though of course, a football match consists of two halfs of equal length, whereas the Bible consists of two halfs of unequal length which doesn't necessarily mean that those two halfs are of unequal importance. Still [muffled in-studio cries of 'get on with it!']

Sorry. Where was I. Ah yes, the second half. The deadlock was finally broken in the 68th minute following this magnificent through-ball from Fr. Polycarp. Fr. Silouan broke the offside trap, and lobbed the ball into the Svecia net for a 1-0 lead.

The Svecian reply was both robust and rapid. Less than 10 minutes later, a 74th minute cross (not our Lord's cross, I hasten to add, but a footballing one) was sent into the area - it looked as if Fr. Justinian had caught the ball in the air, but he was given a not-so-gentle shove on the way down, lost control, and two Svecians vied for the honour of sending the ball into the net. Despite protests from our lads - and dire words about the sins of dishonesty and favouritism - the referee allowed the goal to stand.

The remaining fifteen minutes were high-octane stuff, as both teams went for the winner that might kill off the other team's qualification chances. It looked as if Svecia had the upper hand until the 87th minute, when Fr. Andrew the Twice-Found latched onto the ball on the left near the halfway line. In what must be the most extraordinary solo goal of the Archregimancy's short international football history, he weaved his way past four helpless Svecians and scored the winning goal. Miraculous stuff"

"But through God all things are possible, Fr. John"

"Indeed they are, Fr. Nicholas. And while we're still in fourth place, we're equal on points with Svecia, and it increasingly looks as if that's where the battle for third place will lie. Chicanada, for one, is predicting we'll overcome the Svecians, and..."

"Hmmm... Fr. Nicholas... why are you suddenly playing a bandoneon?"

"Possibly for the same reason you suddenly look like an Argentinian general..."

together
"DREAM EDDY!"

--------------------------------------------

News bulletin:

Contact was lost with the Dreamed Realm today following reports of an outbreak of a rare phenomenon known as a 'dream eddy'. While little understoon, this highly unusual phenomenon temporarily impacts on the nature of reality in the Dreamed Realm.

While international football teams may still travel to the Archregimancy for the purposes of World Cup qualification - the Dreamed Stadium being located at the safe and stable core of the nation - other contacts between the Dreamed Realm and ordinary physical reality will be at best intermittent until the eddy is brought fully under control.

10 Pagajeucianism - Pagan Jews? Ask our friends in the Archregimancy about the theological implications of that.

Fr. Seraphim the Occasionally Dangerously Free-Thinking Theologian explains:

Dear New Montreal States,

Thank you for your query. As you may know, unlike Christianity, Judaism is not necessarily solely a matter of faith, but can also be a matter of ethnicity.

A non-practicing Jew may still be considered "Jewish" by those narrowly obsessed with matters of ethnicity, even though he or she has in fact abjured his or her faith. This is quite unlike Orthodoxy, where someone who abjures the faith would only be considered "Russian", "Greek", "American", or "New Montrealer", and would no longer be considered Orthodox.

Thus a pagan Wiccan or Goddess-worshipper might well be considered Jewish in the ethnic sense, even though she is quite clearly no longer Jewish in the religious sense.

One is reminded of the Old Montreal poet Leonard Cohen who has recently managed to combine being Jewish with being a Buddhist monk.

However, as to the theological implications, I can safely assure you that it will have little impact on your match with Pagajeucianism, which your friends in the Archregimancy fully expect you to win in the hope that at least two Orthodox nations will qualify for the tournament proper.

Yours in Christ,

+Seraphim

ON BEHALF OF ALASDAIR I FROSTICUS

THE HOLY EMPIRE HERALD

HOLY EMPIRE SOMEHOW AVOIDS EMBARASSMENT AGAINST COCKBILL STREET
Narrow loss to group leaders almost as difficult to explain as previous wins

Dream eddy makes further reports pointless until Dreamed Realm stabilises

By Constantine Ducaso
Archregimancy correspondent


The Holy Empire faced off against group leaders Cockbill Street last night fully expecting to get beaten by at least three goals. To the team's collective amazement, they took a 1-0 halftime lead through a dubious penalty converted by team captain Juan Tzimisces Jr. before sanity prevailed and Cockbill Street scored two second half goals for the win.

"I think they ate something that disagreed with them" speculated coach Juan Tzimisces Snr. "Bit like that wurst problem from a couple of matches ago. Or maybe it was some sort of viral infection. Certainly they seemed to spend much of the first half doubled up with cramp. Still, they'd fully recovered by the last 15 minutes of the match, which was more than enough to put two past us once they started playing properly".

Your correspondent can reveal that whatever caused the Cockbill Street team to temporarily fall ill during part of the match has had no long-term effect on the visitors, and they will all be fully fit for their next match.

In other news, Casari's shock 2-0 away upset of Raptor Claw leaves the Holy Empire in a wildly unexpected third place at the half-way stage of qualification.

"It's unexpected" said a senior HEFA official, speaking on condition of anonymity. "Wildly so" added another.

Otherwise, your correspondent will temporarily cease writing reports as the dream eddy which has hit the Dreamed Realm, and has temporarily turned half of Pantaleimon monastery into residents of 1940s Buenos Aires, makes further communication between the Archregimancy and the Holy Empire at best problematic until the situation is brought under control.

Tadjikistan - Starblaydia Brought to you by Zhenya Luchinsky and Alexander Orlitsa
"good evening, dear viewers, good evening Zhenya"

"Good evening, Alexander"

"Today we bring you our report on Tadjikistan - Starblaydia"

"Starblaydia, wasnt that the team that gave us some much trouble right after the second draw?"

"Yes, Zhenya, the Dwarves from the Starblaydian underground didnt like being called 'short humans'."

"It thought they'd be happy not being called dwarves and considered one of the best in the world?"

"No, not this side, they are dwarves and proud of it. But it seems to fell a bit short tonight. The Tadjik Tigers beat the Starblaydians with 3-1."
"The work of some of our nations best, In the twenty-seventh minute Pliiev and Salenko made on of their moves over the right flank past Lopez, a pass by Pliiev went to Salenko in the center who placed his shot into the right corner with a nice curve."

"These two have most definitly been the best players of the Tadjik National team in many years, it actually makes me think of Cherniakovskij and Micheal Pliievs father Igor Pliiev. It doesnt happen to often that a son actually reaches the same level of excellence as his father."

"Pliievs role in the match wasnt over yet, although the Starblaydians watched him carefully he managed to slip out of their attention in the seventh minute of the second half to guide Gregor Szarmach to his fourth goal of the qualifications."

"The viewers must think the Tadjikistans controlled the match, Alexander, but that isnt entirely true, ball possession was 57%-43% in favor of the Starblaydians. They did show up in fornt of the Tadjik box but we prefer not to tell you about those events because we think they are of no importance to us. The only Starblaydian shot that we will show, because we have to, is that of Tumunzahar, which was also the only Starblaydian goal."

"That was in the seventy-third minute of the game, when the Starblaydians still believed they could get some points out of our collective pockets, thankfully Zuhurov smashed that dream three minutes later when he scored with a header, from a cornershot made by ... you guessed it, Pliiev."

"It was the end of the match for the Starblaydians there, they did try one last time just before the game ended but Gurchev was there to stop the shot."

"What will this Tadjik win do to our group?"

"Quite simply, we jump over the Starblaydians to the first place, together with the Vilitans who won 4-0 over Kudlastan, enough to bring the Goal Difference into their favor. The Starblaydians have nothing to fear at the moment, as number four, Dauna Hills has five points less than Starblaydia."

"Maybe now its time remind the viewers of some interesting notes:
As he speaks these words the cameras turn towards the screen behind them were footage of the group draw is shown:
"In with Starblaydia it's... Tadjikistan!"

"Oh thank fuck for that." The room fell hushed, he'd obviously said that too loud. He smiled and glared at his Vice-President Sani Luvo, motioning for him to continue.
Alexander comments the footage "We do not who this 'fuck' is, usually people say: 'thank god for that' so appearantly the Starblaydians have a different deity they worship, who will tell?! Anyway, it seems 'fuck' has been kind to us so we would like to thank him aswell."

"Now, Zhenya, what is your prediction for this group and its top three?"

"Well, I have to be honest, we still have to play two crucial matches in Vilita and Starblaydia, neither will be easy, they can go really bad for us. We have to win the next five to six matches and hope the other slip up, maybe the match Matchday 10 could help us take some distance from the others."
"Right now, I'd say we'll end in second position with Starblaydia first and Vilita third."

"And the other teams in the group?"

"Dauna Hills has been doing good, but I dont expect them to get into the top three, the distance between three and four is already to big."

"Thats good news for the Tadjiks, it means their ticket to the World Cup is safe. None the less, we will be watching the Tigers in their coming duels and we start of with Tadjikistan - Da Philelfya Empiya, a prediction?

"Three - nil victory for the Tadjiks."

"Lets hope you are right."

GROUP 1
Metfield 1 Lethislavania 2
Rordia 1 Kericia 1
Dauna Hills 1 Da Philelfya Empiya 0
Tadjikistan 3 Starblaydia 1
Vilita 4 Kudlastan 0


GROUP 1
Pos Team P W D L F A GD Pts
1 Tadjikistan 9 7 1 1 16 5 11 22
2 Vilita 9 6 2 1 21 9 12 20
3 Starblaydia 9 6 2 1 15 7 8 20
4 Dauna Hills 9 4 3 2 10 10 0 15
5 Lethislavania 9 4 2 3 13 12 1 14
6 Kudlastan 9 3 1 5 6 12 -6 10
7 Metfield 9 2 2 5 8 11 -3 8
8 Rordia 9 2 2 5 7 11 -4 8
9 Kericia 9 2 2 5 8 18 -10 8
10 Da Philelfya Empiya 9 0 1 8 5 14 -9 1



Fixtures:
MD1: Da Philelfya Empiya - Tadjikistan W 0-2
MD2: Tadjikistan - Kericia W 3-0
MD3: Metfield - Tadjikistan W 0-1
MD4: Tadjikistan - Rordia W 1-0
MD5: Dauna Hills - Tadjikistan W 1-2
MD6: Lethislavania - Tadjikistan L 2-1
MD7: Tadjikistan - Vilita D 1-1
MD8: Kudlastan - Tadjikistan W 0-2
MD9: Tadjikistan - Starblaydia W 3-1
MD10: Tadjikistan - Da Philelfya Empiya
MD11: Kericia - Tadjikistan
MD12: Tadjikistan - Metfield
MD13: Rordia - Tadjikistan
MD14: Tadjikistan - Dauna Hills
MD15: Tadjikistan - Lethislavania
MD16: Vilita - Tadjikistan
MD17: Tadjikistan - Kudlastan
MD18: Starblaydia - Tadjikistan

World Cup News
In association with Hellacious Huckleberry Gum

Nova Caned


There were distinctly different expressions on the faces of the two coaches’ as they shock hands at the final whistle. A smile on the face of the Bluebird’s coach reflected the fact that his side’s narrow win in Pylos had taken Nova Britannicus to the top of the group, above Oaker on goal difference. Dave Wilson on the other hand did not look a happy man. No doubt a reflection on his side’s increasingly fragile qualification hopes.

The Hyppo really needed something from this fixture and Wilson had gone back to 4-4-2, West replacing Sinclair in the side, after the defensive showing in Chicanada.

Unfortunately they could find no way through NB’s defense. And with a mere nine minutes left on the clock a Hypocrian corner was cleared and the Bluebird’s hit the Hyppos with a textbook counterattack to take all three points. Three points that in truth they probably deserved but enough about that.

Hypocria 0 – 1 Nova Britannicus

“Now we’re in trouble”, one fan said after the match. “If we don’t get something from the Jeruselem game we’re screwed.”

The random babblings of a fickle football fan or an accurate portent of things to come? Looking at the table it’s fair to say he has a point. Certainly results on matchday 9 were not kind to the Hyppos. Jeruselem and Chicanada both picked up 2 – 0 away wins to pull further in front of Hypocria. Oaker were surprisingly held to a draw for the second game running, this time in Kunar, to allow Nova Britannicus to overhaul them at the top. And the Jacobian Tribes stay bottom after a narrow defeat in Alemeinia.

GROUP 4
Pos Team P W D L F A GD Pts
1 Nova Britannicus 9 6 3 0 21 6 15 21
2 Oaker 9 6 3 0 14 3 11 21
3 Jeruselem 9 5 3 1 18 8 10 18
4 Chicanada 9 4 4 1 17 11 6 16
5 Hypocria 9 3 3 3 12 14 -2 12
6 Alemeinia 9 3 1 5 11 19 -8 10
7 Kunar 9 2 3 4 8 14 -6 9
8 Giant Zucchini 9 1 3 5 11 18 -7 6
9 San-Lorenzo 9 0 4 5 5 15 -10 4
10 Jacobian Tribes 9 0 3 6 8 17 -9 3


So at this half way stage Hypocria are five points behind Jeruselem in third. And next up? Why it’s Jeruselem of course. The Hyppodrome in Hypocrium will be the venue for what could be the most decisive game of the campaign, for us at least. A win would see the Hyppos back in the hunt, a draw wouldn’t be a disaster but a defeat and that elusive place in the Finals will probably disappear for another 4 years.

Qualification Schedule

Jeruselem v Hypocria (1 - 1)
Hypocria v Alemeinia (Drissa Sports Arena, Drissa) (3 - 1)
Giant Zucchini v Hypocria (5 - 1!)
Jacobian Tribes v Hypocria (2 - 2)
Hypocria v San-Lorenzo (Oceanside Stadium, Pylos) (1 - 0)
Kunar v Hypocria (1 - 3)
Hypocria v Oaker (Hyppodrome, Hypocrium) (0 - 2)
Chicanada v Hypocria (1 - 1)
Hypocria v Nova Britannicus (Oceanside Stadium, Pylos) (0 - 1)
Hypocria v Jeruselem (Hyppodrome, Hypocrium)
Alemeinia v Hypocria
Hypocria v Giant Zucchini (Hyppodrome, Hypocrium)
Hypocria v Jacobian Tribes (Drissa Sports Arena, Drissa)
San-Lorenzo v Hypocria
Hypocria v Kunar (Reef Stadium, Coral City)
Oaker v Hypocria
Hypocria v Chicanada (Hyppodrome, Hypocrium)
Nova Britannicus v Hypocria

Verdana Watch

With the qualification campaign now at the half way stage let’s have a look at how our continental neighbours are doing.

Over in Group 6 our northern neighbours Cockbill Street are having a rather good time. Aside from a defeat in Commerce Heights the Street have a perfect record with 24 points to their name. That’s twice as many as the Hyppos for those of you keeping score at home.

Cockbill Street are doing well but Bedistan in Group 7 are doing even better. Nine games played, nine games won and a whopping 7 points clear of nearest challengers Lovisa. Our arch nemesis Spruitland aren’t doing too badly either. Six wins from their nine matches sees the Wabbits comfortably in third place.

Down in Group 9 the Lions of Nedalia, qualifiers in the last tournament, aren’t going so well. Just 9 points from their nine games has cast Nedalia a long way adrift of the qualification zone, behind teams like Da Whoseline People and RyukyuDaitoKazanNampo.

And in Group 10 the Verdena nations are doing just fine. Krytenia lead the way with 21 points and our eastern neighbours Bettia are just 2 points behind. The Aroras are also one of the few teams with an unbeaten record in qualifying.

So, Hyppos and Lions aside, it’s all good so far for the continents representatives.

Gather ye round chldren, and listen thee well,
And I shall tell ye a tale, a tale of three World Cup 25's...
A cup that wasn't, a cup that has been, and a cup that is yet to be.

Group One was our previous abode, with such heavyweights as Starblaydia, Lovisa,
And our co-hosts of Fire Vilita.
And so our our beloved Aroras arrived in the Tropics
Decked out in their fetching blue and white quarters,
And verily no quarter was given... until Vilita scored and won the game 1-0.
'Twas not so bad, for verily the pundits were expecting a right shoeing.

But then! Lo! Insanity struck! For truly they were Totally 'n' Utterly perplexed,
An oversight it seems left them out of the group draw.
And so the intrepid footballing nations were hurried back into their pots
To be drawn again. Second time lucky for the Aroras?

Group Ten is now the abode of the Aroras, and is certainly int'resting,
With Paladins, Aces, Lions and Goats all awaiting our heroes.
To open their new campaign, the Aroras served up some traditional fare.
Entertaining the Paladins they were, and indeed they took the lead,
Christopher of the house of Hutton openeth the scoring.
But alas, the lead was let slip, as Provost rescued a point for the States,
Thus, as is the norm, Bettia drew their first match again.

And so they hastened to the Dynasty of Gupta
A cautious approach was taken against this nation, unknown to us as they were
Methinks the scouts weren't doing their job properly.
York, he of Reavers fame, doth rattle the crossbar with a screamer.
The ball reboundeth out and an almighty scramble did ensue.
Hark! Who is this bundling in the rebound?
Why, it be young Latif Hunter, his predatory instincts serving him well.
Afterwards, unusually, all-out defence was the order of the day.
A clean sheet and a single goal victory! Mr Takil was well pleased.

Back home now to face Pajaga... Pagagaga... Pagajeucianism.
We set our scene in fair Butetown, in their Alice Street stadium,
With vast terraces and pasties and an announcer who speaks his mind.
The bald referee is 'the one in the pink crash helmet'
The Aroras are straight on the attack, forcing save after save
Dominating throughout, but nil-nil at the break

Then, controversy! The away team score! Offside surely?
The lineman says no. Oh, how the crowd boo and jeer.
Tiddles is none too happy, and sinks her teeth into the linesman's derriere.
Oh how he screams! Oh how the home fans laugh! Oh how his arse bleeds!
Chuckles all round as he is stretchered off, his rump well-bandaged.
Bettia take charge and score soon thereafter,
An Evan Brooks free-kick dips viciously twixt boot and top corner.
One-one! Another draw, against unfancied opposition.
Many socks will have to be pulled up.

Next up is not one country, but many it seems.
The Newcommunist Republics are the next port of call,
Where the Aroras look to keep the midfield tight, and defence even tighter.
Alas, no sooner had they taken to the pitch, disaster strikes!
Two minutes gone, and one goal down - certainly not an ideal start.
Waves of green and yellow did verily pour forward,
Almost overwealming, but the home team stood firm.
But for how long? Not long enough it seems.
Just when all seemed lost, Omar Whistler did head in a corner,
To send the Bettian fans home a little happier.

And now dear readers comes a battle 'tween Aroras and Lions
A rematch from Bettia's first World Cup, where EL CID were too strong
For the fledglings back then, but things are different now.
And oh what a battle this was! Swinging one way, then t'other.
Twice the Aroras fell behind, and twice they pulled level,
Courtesy of Messers Hutton and York. And then!
An 89th minute goal from Hutton! Surely the winner?
Nay, nay and thrice nay - the Lions are made of sterner stuff,
And verily it was their captain Gruber who rescued a point.

"Oh we do like to be beside the seaside", as the old song goes,
And truly this is the case for our footballing heroes.
Akani Sands is a happy stamping ground, and here we hosted Tonissia.
Historically a nation more adept at racing cars than playing footy,
But looking strong now, challenging for group honours.
And their new-found strength was evident, creating chance after chance,
As did the Aroras, as they edged out their foes in a five-goal thriller.
Another game, another three goals scored, but this time three points also.

So then did the Aroras venture to pastures new,
To the States where the Caprine ones dwell, a tricky venture indeed,
For the Goats have shot up the rankings and sit well above us.
But were our lads phased by this fact? No! For verily they did themselves proud,
Turning in a performance to hearten the folks back home.
Judson got the ball rolling, leaving defenders flat-hooved in his wake
Before hoofing home from all of twenty yards.
His brace was gained soon after the break, and Hunter netted too,
To make it three games and three goals - a scoring spree?

A much-anticipated match came soon after, as the Aces paid a visit.
Tens of thousands of Krytenians were welcomed to our fair capital
For a top-of-the-table clash to be marvelled by one and all.
Goals, thrills and spills were literally the order of the day.
Young Hunter hastened to open the scoring - 90 minutes later
The score was three-apiece, the spoils seemingly to be shared.
But no! Hutton goes down in the box!
"PENALTY!" cried the home fans. "SHE FELL OVER!" cried those from away.
The ref points at the spot, to the chagrin of our visitors.
Hunter places the ball, soon it is nestl'd in the net.
A hat-trick! A win! Surely Bettia's biggest ever result!

Full of hope, full of glee, we travel to An Archy.
A team who did well on their earlier sojourn to our Blessed shores.
But the Aroras were determined and confident, and carried on they did
Where they left off, piling forward at ev'ry chance
But the gaps at the back were too clear to go unnoticed,
And the home team verily made hay, racing into a two-goal lead.
A half-time tongue-lashing ensued, Mr Takil foaming at the mouth.
"Where on earth's the defence?" he is heard to scream,
Plus other expletives too blue for your tender ears.
His words ringing in their heads, green socks were pulled up
Carew races up the wing, squares it to Connick, who bends it in!
Soon it is two, as Brooks swings in a corner. The keeper drops it,
And who is this, ready to pounce on this blunder?
Why, it's Chris Hutton, goal-poacher extraordinaire,
To pull our boys level. And five minutes from time, he's there again
Blasting home to give the Aroras a nail-biting win.

And so we reach the present day, Bettia just two points off the top.
Four wins in a row, sixteen goals in five games,
And twelve games unbeaten - Bettia's best ever run!
Surely a trip to the finals is in the bag? Lamentably no,
For in this second half of the campaign, we must travel to
The Dome of the Paladins, EL CID, Tonnissia, and fair Everton City.
It is surely a tough task ahead - but nevertheless the nation expects.
Mighty Aroras, do us proud!



Fixtures / Results

01: ................Bettia 1-1 New Montreal States (Thamitra Gate, Tamrida)
02: .....The Gupta Dynasty 0-1 Bettia
03: ................Bettia 1-1 Pagajeucianism (Alice Street, Butetown, Gabalfa)
04: Newcommunist Republics 1-1 Bettia
05: ................Bettia 3-3 EL CID THE HERO (Stadiwm Bettia, Gabalfa)
06: ................Bettia 3-2 Tonissia (Shubunkin Park , Akani Sands)
07: ........Caprine States 1-3 Bettia
08: ................Bettia 4-3 Krytenia (Stadiwm Bettia, Gabalfa)
09: ..............An Archy 2-3 Bettia
10: ...New Montreal States vs. Bettia
11: ................Bettia vs. The Gupta Dynasty (Stamping Ground, Lorshill)
12: ........Pagajeucianism vs. Bettia
13: ................Bettia vs. Newcommunist Republics (Heol Angharyd, Ceffinton)
14: .......EL CID THE HERO vs. Bettia
15: ..............Tonissia vs. Bettia
16: ................Bettia vs. Caprine States (Campus Ground, Grappenhall)
17: ..............Krytenia vs. Bettia (Davis Memorial Stadium, Everton City)
18: ................Bettia vs. An Archy (Al-Fath Satdium, Sukatra)

After reading Hypocria' latest review on the current World Cup, manager Randy Gamman jokingly stated (although with a hint of seriousness), "I think we should probably combine our two national teams next time around, maybe we'd fare a little better."

Our dear Hypocrian friends are sharing a similar fate to that of the Lions, having found themselves in 5th place despite a world class team led by a world class Sarzonian gaffer. As gifted as they are, however, they seem to have fallen to the same disease thats been plaguing the Lions; the disease of inconsistency. Its seems the the official rankings of Nedalia and Hypocria are simply numbers on papers as the players on both national teams have been performing well below expectations.

The same cannot be said for the Bettians, who have solidified the 2nd position and are currently pushing our northern neighbors Krytenia all the way to the limit. Indeed, many a Nedalian is happy and proud of the success being enjoyed by the Aroras, and have called on the Lions to "learn a thing or two." Jeresulem is also enjoying success and look to be ready to qualify to the World Cup come Matchday 18.

Jeruselem Government News

The battle of Midway revisited ...

OK, this has nothing to do with us sinking lots of Japanese aircraft carriers. It just happens to be midway in the World Cup 25 - for Group 4 and ALL groups. 9 games gone, 9 games to go. It's hot in the middle.

First for the shocker, well not quite. Oaker played Kunar and was expected to belt them. Kunar stood up to be counted and held the Oaker to NIL ALL draw. Two draws for Oaker at nil last two games but still unbeaten.

Alemeinia got another win, against Jacobian Tribes. A solid 3-2 win to put them 6th while the Tribes are still last. Good time to win as Kunar's draw made things interesting near the bottom as Kunar at 7th.

We love our vegetables. Apart from the source of nutrition and good things for the human body, veges also help you win World Cup games. Well, this is the case with Jeruselem getting another win over Giant Zucchini 2-0. We like playing the Zucchinis, but so do most of Group 4. They are 8th with 5 losses, 1 win and 3 draws. Incidentally Jeruselem have 1 loss, 5 wins and 3 draws - funny stats.

Nova Britannicus are unbeaten still. Hypocria took them on and narrowly lost 0-1 in great game where both teams deserved to win, but Poms got the points. Now, with the Oakan draw, the Poms are now TOP on goal difference. Jeruselem is mere win away from Oaker as well.

Chicanada made life harder for San-Lorenzo, winning 2-0. It means San-Lorenzo are still 9th and Chicanada stay within a win of Jeruselem. Hypocria is two wins away, so anyone not in top 4 better get winning or else the midway mark of Group 4 will predict who the top 4 will be.

GROUP 4
Alemeinia 3 Jacobian Tribes 2
Giant Zucchini 0 Jeruselem 2
Hypocria 0 Nova Britannicus 1
San-Lorenzo 0 Chicanada 2
Kunar 0 Oaker 0


GROUP 4
Pos Team P W D L F A GD Pts
1 Nova Britannicus 9 6 3 0 21 6 15 21
2 Oaker 9 6 3 0 14 3 11 21
3 Jeruselem 9 5 3 1 18 8 10 18
4 Chicanada 9 4 4 1 17 11 6 16
5 Hypocria 9 3 3 3 12 14 -2 12
6 Alemeinia 9 3 1 5 11 19 -8 10
7 Kunar 9 2 3 4 8 14 -6 9
8 Giant Zucchini 9 1 3 5 11 18 -7 6
9 San-Lorenzo 9 0 4 5 5 15 -10 4
10 Jacobian Tribes 9 0 3 6 8 17 -9 3


The top 4 of Group 4 are simply moving places. Positive goal differences, stingy defense and good attacks. Nova Britannicus with 21 goals and Oaker with 3 goals conceded stand out. Jeruselem with 18 goals and 8 conceded are well placed with Chicanada pressing us. The rest? Goals conceded show the story although Hypocria are not that badly off.

Hockey Canada played Nedalia in game we have trouble picking who to cheer for. Hockey Canada are on a roll while Nedalia need to get some wins. The Lions didn't roar today, with the Canucks rolling them 3-1. These teams play in the last game of the qualifiers too ... irony.

Casari4sport

Another Tie against a crap team
The joy continues to be sucked out of fans brains

The first away game against the first bottom-dwelling team of the second half resulted in a 1-1 Tie for Casari, as the time remaining for qualifying grows short.

"We just aren't catching the breaks like the other teams have. This whole thing is beginning to resemble grabbing what we can before running for our lives." One of the fans said after getting off a supporter's plane.

The second round of tough games is approaching, being Away at Commerce Heights and Home to Cockbill Street. Right now Casari is not out, but it's not looking the best, trailing both Commerce Heights and Raptor Claw by 3 and Alasdair by 5, however games against all three, Home to Alasdair and Raptor Claw and Away to Commerce Heights remain.

BETTIAN SERVE POETIC JUSTICE

Paladins stumble 2-1 at the Dome, Caprine States menacing for third

NEW MONTREAL - As the Paladins went down to Bettia 2-1 at the Dome, the Caprine States pulled off another startling upset of No. 6 Krytenia to pull within a point of the Paladins. The Lions of EL CID THE HERO began their comeback with a 3-1 win over the Pagajeuciaism. In short, the house of cards that was keeping the Paladins in 3rd place is beginning to collapse.

In related news, the Ministry of Morale has received a communiqué from the Theologians of the Archregimancy. Details are sketchy, but the term "Pagan Jews" will now be replaced by "Pagan Judaeans" when refering to the team from that otherwise unspellable nation.

But back to the game. Bettia opened strong, controlling the pace of the early going and driving the vaunted midfield back, silencing the home crowd with a goal in the 15th minute. The Paladins recovered their footing somewhat, but not enough to keep Bettia from expanding their lead in the 33rd minute. The Paladins retreated to their locker room down 2-0, with William Branstone audibly expressing his extreme displeasure at the play of the Paladins.

Something must have clicked, as midfielder Albert Sawyer converted a pass by fellow midfielder Marc Maurier at the 61st minute to bring the Paladins to within one goal. A spectacular effort by the Bettian keeper kept the Paladins from scoring the equalizer, and the Paladins lost a match that they, quite frankly, really could not afford to lose.

Tonissia's up next, after they lost to An Archy, they'll be looking to get back into the race for third. If the Paladins want to keep their spot they had better win or at least draw, and hope for a slipup by the Goats.

After reading Hypocria' latest review on the current World Cup, manager Randy Gamman jokingly stated (although with a hint of seriousness), "I think we should probably combine our two national teams next time around, maybe we'd fare a little better."

Our dear Hypocrian friends are sharing a similar fate to that of the Lions, having found themselves in 5th place despite a world class team led by a world class Sarzonian gaffer. As gifted as they are, however, they seem to have fallen to the same disease thats been plaguing the Lions; the disease of inconsistency. Its seems the the official rankings of Nedalia and Hypocria are simply numbers on papers as the players on both national teams have been performing well below expectations.

After another disappointing matchday for both Hypocria and Nedalia, national coach Dave Wilson told reporters that he was considering the offer of his Nedalian counterpart Randy Gammon concerning combining the two national sides.

“I’m not saying my players should play for Nedalia or their players should play for us but there is no reason why we can’t pool our resources. We could arrange something like a joint training camp as part of preparations for qualifying games. It could add a real competitive edge to training. After all our sides have different strengths and weaknesses. They have scored more goals than us but we concede less than them. There’s no real reason why we can’t help each other out. The respective coaching staffs could run through training aspects such as schedules and formations together too. I have tremendous respect for what Mr Gamman has achieved with the Lions and I’d certainly be willing to talk tactics with him.

ASMV Loses Again - Go Figure

After the debacle that was the first half of the qualifiers, the Sea Dragons headed into the second half hoping to have a much better showing. Unfortunately for the team, TnUI was waiting - and they had other ideas.
Futile attempt after futile attempt netted the Sea Dragons absolutely nothing as they went down in defeat , 2-0.

"That is why they are ranked 7th and we are 104th. It really showed up today. Now we have to focus on Eauz and hope for a miracle in that game" said Pablo Iglesias.

bsdshorts

Lions in possibly best ever performance
As we move into the second half of World Cup 25 qualifying, the Bedistan Lions have proven themselves to be not only the class of Group 7 but of the whole bloomin' Cup. The Lions are the only team to have won all ten of their matches, having scored an impressive thirty goals and conceded only three. Until recently Squornshelous shared the Lions' perfect record, but their Matchday 10 scoreless draw with the Macabees ended that.

The Lions currently need nine points to secure qualification out of a possible twenty-four.

2084
May 13 @ Nanakaland W 2-0
Jun 24 v Athestan W 1-0
Jul 15 @ Lovisa W 1-0
Aug 19 @ Demonlord12 W 5-1
Sep 9 v Kipto-Mare W 6-0
Oct 7 @ Cuation W 4-0
Nov 11 v The Weegies W 3-1
Dec 9 @ Spruitland W 2-1

2085
Jan 27 v Trebnak W 5-0
Feb 24 v Nanakaland W 1-0
Mar 3 @ Athestan
Apr 28 v Lovisa
May 5 v Demonlord12
Jun 16 @ Kipto-Mare
Jul 14 v Cuation
Aug 4 @ The Weegies
Sep 29 v Spruitland
Oct 13 @ Trebnak

Ariddia test new tactics


MARIA SAND: “And here we are in Stade National Rêvane-Sud, where Ariddia will be trying to get its own back against System Karela. Ariddia, which hasn’t yet won a match in this Cup. Pavel?”

PAVEL LANCE: “Yes, Maria; it’s been a rather dismal come-back so far for the World Cup Founders, and we’re now half-way through the qualifying stages. I don’t think we can expect to actually qualify, but the aim now is going to be to amend for the mistakes of the first half.”

SAND: “And the stadium is pretty crowded, and there’s something in the air. Probably because the team has announced a change in strategy, and everyone is waiting to see how it’s going to turn out.”

LANCE: “Quite right. And there’s a bit of irony, or perhaps symbolism here, since Ariddia will now be going for an all-out offensive tactic, and their opponent just happens to be System Karela, *the* proponents with Rejistania of an exactly reverse method. I suppose Ariddia’s line-up has changed quite a bit. Shall we take a look?”

SAND: “Yes, and we’ve got System Karela’s coming up right now. Here it is.”

GK: Ilya Sullivan
DEF: Hiku Lyku; Andrey Leonid; Orson Kent; Kansu I Y; Dmitri Varfolomey; Fjodor Simonski; Sergei Gavriil
MID: Sena Kiru; Ferenc Buchwald
FWD: Boris Karpa

LANCE: “Not much to say there, as they’re mostly unknowns. Seven defenders, though! That’s what you might call overkill. But here’s Ariddia’s, and there’s definitely a change!”

GK: Sandrine Leduc (1)
DEF: Yves al Jahdali (9) ; E Te (3) ; Tim Wald (14)
MID: Ue Alt (cpt; 12); Michael Swimmer (21) ; Ta I (17); Uol Lat (6)
FWD: Frédéric Clément (8) ; E Lel (20); Ismail Faraj (10)

LANCE: “Defence has been cut from five players to three, putting eight defenders on the bench. Lat joins the three usual midfielders, and, departing from an age-long tradition, there are now three attackers, with Faraj joining Clément and Lel, and only Ramirez staying on the bench.”

SAND: “Ariddia’s teams used to be famed at home for their attacking pairs, right from the time of the Fords. Maybe that time is past now. Anyway, let’s listen to the anthems!”


9th minute

SAND: “Ariddia is off to a fairly cautious, but still rather aggressive start, I’d say. These are new tactics for them, though I daresay they’ve been practising hard. And System Karela’s defences are definitely putting them to the test!”

LANCE: “Swimmer over to I. I, who has scored Ariddia’s only goal in the competition so far. She passes to Lel. So far, the Karelan defences have proved impassible, but these are still the early stages of the game. . . Lel over to Clément. . . Intercepted by Kent! Lat snatches it back away, passes to Clément! Clément is past Varfolomey, past Gavriil! He passes to Lel, who shoots! Oh, it’s deflected by Leonid, a defender! But that was a lovely shot right on goal by E Lel, in difficult conditions! And that’ll be a corner kick.”

SAND: “Played by Swimmer. And. . . Gavriil deflects it with his head, and Kent clears it. Any corner kick is going to be very difficult indeed for Ariddia to convert, with so many Karelan defenders.”


47th minute

LANCE: “Less than a minute left before half-time. . . The ball is again in the Karelan side of the field. And Alt isn’t giving it up! He has to pass back to Te. . . Maria, do you think Ariddia can hold on to a goalless draw for another forty-five minutes?”

SAND: “It’s difficult to say. I think they’ll be hoping they can actually win this one. But for that, they need to score. . . Te has passed to Swimmer. Swimmer to Lat. Lat to Faraj. . . The Ariddians are keeping possession. . . No, Varfolomey tackles it away, but he’s got no choice but to send it off the field. I to toss it back in, to Faraj. Faraj over to Clément. . . He’s running for it! He’s defeated Gavriil! He shoots! Oh, my!”

LANCE: “That was a superb shot, from an impossible angle! Right beneath the bar! But just as superbly saved by Sullivan, the goalkeeper, who had to react very quickly indeed! Well. . . This is exciting, if nothing else!”

SAND: “And let’s see what the second half brings us!”


57th minute

LANCE: “Al Jahdali has cleared it. . . perhaps a little too far? No, Alt is there on the other end, and he plays quickly, pressing forward. Alt to Lel. . . Lel to Alt. . . Alt to Faraj. . . I don’t know if there’ll be any getting through these defences, Maria. . . Over to Clément, on the side, and. . . he rids himself of Kent, takes it right round Lyuku, shoots. . . past Simonski. . . and it’s in! It *almost* hit the bar, but that was a magnificent shot! That’s. . . a goal! A goal for Ariddia! Ariddia have scored!”

SAND: “The supporters in the stadium are ecstatic! They’re on their feet, cheering – and look at all those flags waving! The players are rushing round Clément to congratulate him, and as we see a close-up. . . look at that look on his face! He looks as if he can’t believe it!”

LANCE: “He looks dazed. That’s nine and a half matches in a row he’s been trying and trying to do that, and getting nowhere, and now he’s put a goal in for Ariddia. I’m really pleased for him; he really, really needed that.”

SAND: “And there’s the replay. Gets away from Kent. . . slips it round Lyuku. . . shoots *round* the obstacle of Simonski. . . The angle is incredible, and there was almost nothing Sullivan could have done! Clément got rid of three defenders. I think Ceridhton Macks in Audioslavia, if they’d had any doubts until now, must be really glad right now they’ve signed him on!”

LANCE: “The game’s not ever yet, though. Ariddia has conceded goals in every game but one so far, and this time they’re playing with a very weakened defence. So the Karelans can still equalise. The team must stay focused.”


Full time

SAND: “Well, that’s thee whistle. And. . . can you believe it, Ariddia have won the match!”

LANCE: “Oh, I can believe it all right! I’m not sure many supporters can quite yet, and maybe not the team themselves! But this is a *huge* relief, and Ariddia is finally back on its feet!”


Score
Ariddia 1-0 System Karela

Ariddia: F. Clément (58th)

The Bureaucratic Tribune

Oglethorpia tallies second loss to...Alan Shearer Heaven!?

OGLETHORPIA (BT) -- On matchday ten the Ostriches would tally up what would be a disgraceful two-nil loss versus the all Alan Shearer squad from Heaven (Alan Shearer Heaven, to be specific). Fans in Oglethorpia were stunned -- it would be only their second loss through ten matchdays. But what was so shocking was that it was to such an unknown squad, after Oglethorpia had earlier made such stunning upsets.

"It's really a conundrum," said coach Torrence Black. "I guess I really got kick these guy's asses for sucking so bad -- if they wanna qualify, they've gotta get their act together."

While Oglethorpia remains in contention for the coveted 3rd spot in group three, only back from Fmjphoenix by one point (whom secured a raw today), most Oglethorpian football officials fear that the problem is more deeply-rooted than the occassional poor preformance.

"No, this definitely isn't a one or two match slump, there's an issue that might ruin a great opening to WC25 qualifying," commented OAF President Joe Staplin. Staplin points to Ostriches keeper Hip Replac. "He's the problem -- looks a bit rusty out there."

Some have most cleverly suggested the aging keeper needs a hip replacement, but coach Torrence Black is quick to defend his keeper. "Well maybe if we could score we wouldn't have had such a bad past three matchdays."

However Oglethorpia's forwards are also quick to pass on the blame. Explained Polyesterhampton FC striker Mel Memorable, "it's the midfields fault for never getting us the ball."

"Hold on," says Luud van Mistletoe, Ostriches midfielder, "if the defense could actually help out Hip [Replac] out there, then we wouldn't have to score so many just to draw, and they wouldn't blame us, and we wouldn't blame the defense, and everyone'd be happy and all that kind of stuff. But everything isn't happy; it is the defense's fault."

"Have you ever considered it's Torrence Black's fault for not coaching us very well?" said a very offended Ed Head, Oglethorpian defender.

Torrence Black heartily deined the assertion that he had anything to do with the poor luck of the Ostriches lately. "I'm not on the field, now am I? It's the players who win the game -- I could tell you to score 10,000 goals, it's still up to the starting eleven."

By now it's likely evident that within the Ostriches ranks there's a grand paradox of blame circling round and round; Oglethorpian Association of Football President Joe Staplin points out a quick remedy to the problem of both the team's worsening preformance and degenerating relationships. "Just win -- you know, score more goals than the other team."

Staplin's suggestion might just be easier said than done, however. On matchday eleven the Ostriches face a talented side from Milchama -- whom might just further the Oglethorpian bid to finish as close to the bottom of the tables as possible.

"At this point, it looks like they're trying to fall out of contention," surmised one football analyst. "If they don't have a strong showing in this Milchama match, then it might be a good bet to write the Ostriches out of qualifying for this Cup. A draw would even be nice considering their preformance as of late."

Only matchday eleven's result will truly tell on what road the Ostriches are headed on.

Golden Wolves Fall At Home

Game 10
Eauz 1 - Yafor 0

The stage was set; a night game, the lights of the Zydrakos Dome providing an eerie, yet fitting background, the two teams both stood as the line-ups were introduced. The players from each team stood in a solemn row, their faces stern. It was an important game for both; The Golden Wolves needed to win so they would be tied with Eauz for third in the group, Eauz because they had lost to the Yaforites last time and they were among the top twenty in the world.

The fact that both teams wanted this game was painfully evident - literally. After barely three minutes, two Eauzian players were nursing injuries (though they were still playing) and Thia Boley was out with his legs down. So were two Eauzians who had threatened him. They play had gone as such; they had tried to block him out and take him down and he had wripped back. It was almost like a wrestling match. Currently, the WCC is discussing possible fines for the players involved.

The game had been spent mainly on possetion; it had been divided with 50% to 50% on that scale. Eauz's experience showed; they were pasing, moving, and shooting with a grace that seemed unearthly, that came only from experience. The Golden Wolves were energized by the crowd; every time a player with a JMC uniform touched the ball, the crowd roared. Both teams played with conservatism, managing the game, without attacking recklessly, nor losing the ball easily.

By the 12th minute, th game had settled down into a rhythm of sorts; both teams were using their strengths. Eauz were passing amid their midfield, using both skill and roughness to both keep and get rid of the ball. Yafor 2 were using their defense; passing the ball back and forth, then using lightning quick attacks (but well-planned; they knew what they were doing) and passing well, while taking shots on the outside.

It would be a draw, everyone was sure, as the waning moments of the game drew closer. But a lucky Eauz penalty in the 87th minute changed that. Replays showed that the Yaforite player had not even touched the Eauzian, but the referee called it a foul and Eauz gained a penalty. Goalkeeper Deron Smithes dived to his right, touching the ball, which due to his touch, careeneed off the right pole if the goal. Luckily for Eauz, the rebound went to an Eauzian player who put it in easily.

While there are calls that the match referee was bribed, Captain Gerod Flamer has stated "That's not true." But the Golden Wolves need to win, soon, and many of their games, or else they're out of another qualifying campaign without even getting a taste of the true World Cup.

-Excerpt from The Ajerite Sun.

thsd:NEWS
Oops


SOMEONE in the archives department is going to pay as they saved over the Caprine report with the El Cid one.

KRYTENIA - 2
[B]CAPRINE STATES - 3

[B]SCORERS
G. Kennedy: 13
R. Spivey: 7
K. Keda: 3
P. Neasden: 2
S. Ziov: 2
N. Caraiani: 1
D. Signoriello: 1
C. Stevenson: 1
J. Terezzi: 1

QUALIFYING SCHEDULE
MD1: A v CAP L 0-1
MD2: A v ECH W 3-0
MD3: H v ANA W 5-0 (Mellion Lane, Davisham)
MD4: A v NMS W 3-2
MD5: H v TGD W 4-1 (The Mound, Secklow)
MD6: A v PGJ W 2-0
MD7: H v NCR W 3-0 (Brecklands, Linford)
MD8: A v BET L 3-4
MD9: H v TON W 5-0 (Sixways Stadium, Avidia)
MD10: H v CAP L 2-3 (Oxley Park, Everton City)
MD11: H v ECH ????? (Mercia Stadium, Bromham)
MD12: A v ANA ?????
MD13: H v NMS ????? (Denbigh Park, Ousevale)
MD14: A v TGD ?????
MD15: H v PGJ ????? (Walton Gardens, Simpson)
MD16: A v NCR ?????
MD17: H v BET ????? (Davis Memorial Stadium, Everton City)
MD18: A v TON ?????

CAFE: N v FMJ ?????

Hello! For my first post in this thread i thought i'd get a great poet to write a report of the first half of qualifiers. Unfortunately, Coleridge, Keats, Kipling et all were absent, so we had to settle for a crap poet instead. Its Edgar Allen Poe's 'The Raven', if anyone isn't sure. Look it up. Its the best work of an awful writer :)

'The Report'
By Edgar Gesseschmitten-Poe

Once upon a midnight dreary, Insanicians weak and weary
Recovered after scorinators brought them to the fore
Their response was swift and eager, Andossa Se Mitrin Vega
Couldn't stop their gentle tapping, tapping on their weak back-four
'Insanicians!' they muttered, 'tapping on our weak back four'
'At least we didn't fail to score!'

One week later Vega chose to travel to the commie Eauz
But found that Eauz were not to lose, but victor by a sim'lar score
'Two-One, oh bugger!' said the Vegans, 'This way we'll never top the league and
Topple all the veteran nations, this losing streak will test our patience
Can't even beat the Insanicians! This losing streak will test our patience
Please don't let us lose some more!'

Even worse were Revol. Island, they played Frosty for a while and
Were defeated, even though they scored some goals, not one or two but four!
However Frosticus hit five, and kept their chances still alive.
They matched the island's mighty score, they even scored one goal more!
Beat the island five to four, they hit the net and scored one more!
A thrilling nine-goal football war!

On matchday three the hopes were high for two halves played in old Kylaai
Another match of sky-high drama, drama due to massive scores!
Nil-Nil scorelines? Gah! Who needs 'em? Not the ones from Popular Freedom!
Them and Kylaai shared the points, one point each from 3-3 draw!
Kylaai made a triple-score, but PF answered back to draw!
Quoth the Ravens: 'High Score Draw!'

One week on and Spruitland found defences poorly-manned
They two succumbed to goal-conceeding, conceeding goals on matchday four
But luckily for their attack, even worse were old Trebnak
They conceded five, not four! One more goal did Spruit score!
Oh how the audience did roar when Spruitland one more did score
They beat the Trebnaks five to four!

To matchday five! Group number three! A huge upset i give to thee!
The reigning champions LE were routed by the Oglethors!
The paladins were soundly beaten, on the ropes, off their feet and
Beaten by an Ostrich roar, Oglethorpe would hit a four
Four goals 'gainst LE were scored, LE lost by one to four
Paladins 1 but Ostriches 4

Ah i see your appetite, is whetted by the mis-matched fight
When decent teams are sorely trounced by random number law
On matchday six we see such woe, RyukyuDaitoKazanNampo
Victor'd by a massive score, Vega lost another war!
ASM were bruised and sore and bloodied from another war.
5-1! It could have been much more!

Months later onto Matchday Seven, a word i'm bound to rhyme with 'heaven'
But even heaven's angels scowled on the Nedalians in Yafor
Defeated two-to-one my dear, but that my friend is but small beer
Compared to Insanicia's score! WhoseLine People found their flaw
And beat them by a 3-2 score! An upset! TnUI were floored
Quoth the 'Slavians: 'Haw haw haw!'

Ne'ertheless come matchday eight, there'd be 'n Utter change of fate
As Insanicians won fairly, fairly by a single score!
Howe'er the evil team's delight was juxtaposed to Krytie's plight
Krytie too could seek to score, they scored two goals and scored one more
Alas! The Bettians matched their score, they matched the score and added more!
Bettia win by three to four!

Let us interrupt this fable and bring an updated table
We published this on matchday nine in a post marked 'Scores'
Atop group six we see 'The Street', one point ahead of ol' two-feet
Who lead the third-placed team by more, but who is in position four?
We seek the table to implore, 'Who is in position four?'
Quoth the table: Raptor Claw!

Now i fear it is the time to leave the laptop and this rhyme
The hour for me is far too late, too late to add some more!
We'll continue on a future date, meet on matchday one and eight
To watch the old fat-lady roar as she decides which teams will score
And which will watch on Channel Four, the 'slavian whom we all adore
Quoth the Jaffacake: G'nite whores!

4 points from 4 matches?? wtf-mate??

With the way things have been going for the Vikings, you would figure they would be sitting pretty as we head into the second half of the World Cup Qualifiers. But the last four matches has been a rough slide for the Vikings. Here is the quickies:

Fmjphoenix 2 - Oglethorpia 6: Normally going into a nation where the Vikings are the advantaged team, they feel pretty comfortable. But in their first trip to Oglethorpia, they were unable to get any offense rolling and Powell Lamar had a disasterous performence, allowing 6 goals past. Lamar had not had such a bad line since World Cup 19 against Melmond. Andrew Jenkins scored the first goal of the match, but the lead didn't last. Dave Daniels also scored his first goal of the qualifying round, but it didnt help enough.

Fmjphoenix 1 - Liverpool England 2: This match went right down to the wire. The Terminators opened up in the first half with a 1-0 lead, but with 10 minutes remaining in the match, Mike Nolan put in his 8th goal for the equalizer. But the Terminators did not back down, and managed to get a excellent corner kick that was headed in just past Powell Lamar's hands for the winner.

Fmjphoenix 1 - Ariddia 0: The original team of the World Cup held its own for 89 minutes of football. But the one minute they didn't was enough for Larry Brown to score his first goal of the qualifiers and just enough to put the Vikings on top. Ariddia switched to new tactics, so the next time around could be even rougher.

Fmjphoenix 1 - Druida 1: Coming back home for the Vikings helped against Druida, as Siieranu Ijanaeil scored his 4th qualifying round in the final minute of the match to give the Vikings a draw against the current group leaders.

Now that we have caughten back up with how things are, the Vikings are preparing to head out to System Karela for the return match. Despite the heavey presence of va'karela'ny all over the nation, the Vikings are looking to make the jumpstart needed to push for a to keep third place in Group 3, if not make a solid push for the top spot.

Fmjphoenix Vikings
World Cup 25 Qualification Schedule
MD01: Fmjphoenix @ Druida 1-3 Loss
MD02: Fmjphoenix vs System Karela 4-0 Win
MD03: Fmjphoenix @ Israel4Ever 1-0 Win
MD04: Fmjphoenix vs Alan Shearer Heaven 3-1 Win
MD05: Fmjphoenix @ Milchama 2-0 Win
MD06: Fmjphoenix vs Limbrogidlia 4-0 Win
MD07: Fmjphoenix @ Oglethorpia 2-6 Loss
MD08: Fmjphoenix vs Liverpool England 1-2 Loss
MD09: Fmjphoenix @ Ariddia 1-0 Win
---------------------------------------
MD10: Fmjphoenix vs Druida 1-1 Draw
MD11: Fmjphoenix @ System Karela
MD12: Fmjphoenix vs Israel4Ever
MD13: Fmjphoenix @ Alan Shearer Heaven
MD14: Fmjphoenix vs Milchama
MD15: Fmjphoenix @ Limbrogidila
MD16: Fmjphoenix vs Oglethorpia
MD17: Fmjphoenix @ Liverpool England
MD18: Fmjphoenix vs Ariddia

Cafe: Fmjphoenix vs Krytenia
---------------------------------------
Record: 6-1-3

Viking Goalscorers:
Nolan 8
Ijanaeil 4
Boyd 3
Jenkins 3
Daniels 1
Brown 1

World Cup News
In association with Hellacious Huckleberry Gum

Attack! Attack! Attack!


Normally when change is in the air in terms of Hypocrian football managers and coaches around the nation hide themselves in cupboards. But having a World Cup on your CV makes your position a little more secure than most. In fact it’s national coach Dave Wilson who will be making the changes after another disappointing result against qualification rivals.

The simple fact is that the Hyppos have played the top four teams in the last four matches and have managed one single solitary goal in the process. Now one goal in four games is not going to secure many points, one single solitary point to be exact, which is why the nation is now 9 points behind the third and final qualification spot. To add insult to injury the Hyppos have also been overtaken by unranked Alemeinia in the table. And yet we’re still doing better than the last campaign.

The 2 – 0 capitulation to Jeruselem at the Hyppodrome was the reason the Hyppos have dropped down into 6th place in Group 4. Nova Britannicus are still top on goal difference after an easy 4 – 0 win in San-Lorenzo but Oaker are right in their heels after the Sharks won 3 – 2 in the Jacobian Tribes. Chicanada lost some ground in the top three after being held 0 – 0 in Kunar. And Alemeinia moved up into 5th place after a 4 – 2 win over Giant Zucchini.

GROUP 4
Pos Team P W D L F A GD Pts
1 Nova Britannicus 10 7 3 0 25 6 19 24
2 Oaker 10 7 3 0 17 5 12 24
3 Jeruselem 10 6 3 1 20 8 12 21
4 Chicanada 10 4 5 1 17 11 6 17
5 Alemeinia 10 4 1 5 15 21 -6 13
6 Hypocria 10 3 3 4 12 16 -4 12
7 Kunar 10 2 4 4 8 14 -6 10
8 Giant Zucchini 10 1 3 6 13 22 -9 6
9 San-Lorenzo 10 0 4 6 5 19 -14 4
10 Jacobian Tribes 10 0 3 7 10 20 -10 3

Being overtaken by Alemeinia did not go down well across the Autocracy but it’s something Dave Wilson and his side can but right straight away as the Hyppos travel to Alemeinia next.

We mentioned change before and there will be changes, in players, formation and general outlook. Only three teams in the group have scored fewer goals than Hypocria and if you don’t score goals you don’t win games. So, starting against Alemeinia, the fans are going to see a much more attacking Hypocria side.


Likely New Formation and Starting 11


Shirko

Bercali Marshall





Rytter Burdali

Baxter




Poskas Diabang
Blake Kreska




Kindelan

The wingers Bercali and Marshall are likely to be pushed further up the pitch to form a front three with top scorer Shirko and attacking midfielder Bora Burdali, who plays his club football in Squornshelous, will be add his attacking talents to the midfield. And the goals will flow. That's the idea anyway.

Qualification Schedule

Jeruselem v Hypocria (1 - 1)
Hypocria v Alemeinia (Drissa Sports Arena, Drissa) (3 - 1)
Giant Zucchini v Hypocria (5 - 1!)
Jacobian Tribes v Hypocria (2 - 2)
Hypocria v San-Lorenzo (Oceanside Stadium, Pylos) (1 - 0)
Kunar v Hypocria (1 - 3)
Hypocria v Oaker (Hyppodrome, Hypocrium) (0 - 2)
Chicanada v Hypocria (1 - 1)
Hypocria v Nova Britannicus (Oceanside Stadium, Pylos) (0 - 1)
Hypocria v Jeruselem (Hyppodrome, Hypocrium) (0 - 2)
Alemeinia v Hypocria
Hypocria v Giant Zucchini (Hyppodrome, Hypocrium)
Hypocria v Jacobian Tribes (Drissa Sports Arena, Drissa)
San-Lorenzo v Hypocria
Hypocria v Kunar (Reef Stadium, Coral City)
Oaker v Hypocria
Hypocria v Chicanada (Hyppodrome, Hypocrium)
Nova Britannicus v Hypocria

Pschychoes in Trouble

Squornshelous has lost its attack going into our biggest match of qualifying
The Squornshelan attack once again completely failed to perform, this time being held scoreless by a team from The Macabees that the Pschychoes should have walked all over. This is especially worrying with the imending matchup with Rejistania. If our attackers can't score more than one goal against Pastorville and The Lowland Clans, and can't score at all facing the Macabees, it could be scary watching the match against Rejistania. Despite the excellent play in defense and in goal since the 2 goal allowed the The Archregimancy, Squornshelous has lost their perfect record, and must attempt to regain momentum against the second ranked team in the world.

In accordance with this task, there will be a few changes to the Squornshelan lineup for the game. Most notably, the formation that has served the Pschychoes since World Cup 15 and their second place finish has been changed. Instead of the 4-1-2-1-2 formation, Squornshelous will switch to an extremely aggressive 3-2-2-3, with defender Mike Roberts being removed from the starting lineup and forward Drew Nelson taking his place.
The formation for this match will look something like this:

Persson
Ogbadan Nelson

Thorsen Venegas

Skritsch Tsang

Lemarque Rasmussen
Gregories

Lepard


Hopefully the increased amount of attackers will allow Squornshelous to operate against the ridiculous amount of defenders those Karelans of Rejistania employ. The decreased defense should not be a huge concern because of the extreme rarity of attacks by the Orange-Blues and the stellar play of Squornshelous #1 keeper Darius Lepard, who has pitched 3 shutouts so far in qualifying, including our previous win over Rejistania and our win victory against Svecia. Hopefully, Darius will be able to handle what the Orange-Blues can throw at him and our attackers will find a way to penetrate their defense.

Hellcats wake up!

The Da Philelfya Empiya Hellcats have been the least succesful team in the WC25 qualifications, with only one point from a draw against Group 1 favorites Starblaydia behind their name. The Hellcats have a problem scoring, unless their opponent is a highranked team. Even stranger is that the Hellcats perform quite good in an away match.

And while everyone expected a Tadjik walkover, this did not happen. A good Philelfyan team gave them the surprise of their lives when they took the lead in the first half with goals by da Montrefeltro and Mantegna. enough for the Hellcats to complete their show of amazement. The Tadjiks, when they got over the shock of the Philelfyan success, took advantage of a misunderstanding in the Hellcats defense to score and calm down the Tadjik audience.

The Tadjik fans were angry at their teams inability to deal with their opponents and so were Tadjikistans coaches. The Sadirovs kept their team in the lockerrooms for a while to tell them what they wanted to see, the Philelfyan Hellcats were already on the field for several minutes when the Tigers came out again.

What the Sadirovs said remains unknown but it worked wonders, the Tadjiks had found in it the sprit to win. The Tadjiks took control of the game and pressed on to the Philelfyan box. The Salenko equalized for the Tadjiks but then the machine sputtered while the Hellcats fiercely defended their goal.

For the tird time in the qualifications and this time to everyones suprise, the Tigers had failed to take three points. While in previous encounters, their opponents had been experienced and in Vilita's case, former World Champions, these were lowranked and never thought to be more than an easy three points.

Nothing was lost yet, the Tigers had to give up their first place in the group to Starblaydia, but only because the latter had made one goal more than the Tigers. The difference between Tadjikistan and the first team in a non-qualifying position was five points and for the coming five matches, it should be the task of the entire Tadjik National side to maintain this distance or even increase it.

Much will depend on how the Tadjiks do in Kericia, unsuccesful in challenging the other topteams so far. Another walkover for many fans and experts, but as the Tadjiks just witnessed in person, no match is easy and this one too could blow up in the faces of those who think it is.

GROUP 1
Lethislavania 1 Kudlastan 0
Vilita 1 Starblaydia 4
Tadjikistan 2 Da Philelfya Empiya 2
Dauna Hills 3 Kericia 1
Rordia 2 Metfield 3


GROUP 1
Pos Team P W D L F A GD Pts
1 Starblaydia 10 7 2 1 19 8 11 23
2 Tadjikistan 10 7 2 1 18 7 11 23
3 Vilita 10 6 2 2 22 13 9 20
4 Dauna Hills 10 5 3 2 13 11 2 18
5 Lethislavania 10 5 2 3 14 12 2 17
6 Metfield 10 3 2 5 11 13 -2 11
7 Kudlastan 10 3 1 6 6 13 -7 10
8 Rordia 10 2 2 6 9 14 -5 8
9 Kericia 10 2 2 6 9 21 -12 8
10 Da Philelfya Empiya 10 0 2 8 7 16 -9 2


Fixtures:
MD1: Da Philelfya Empiya - Tadjikistan W 0-2
MD2: Tadjikistan - Kericia W 3-0
MD3: Metfield - Tadjikistan W 0-1
MD4: Tadjikistan - Rordia W 1-0
MD5: Dauna Hills - Tadjikistan W 1-2
MD6: Lethislavania - Tadjikistan L 2-1
MD7: Tadjikistan - Vilita D 1-1
MD8: Kudlastan - Tadjikistan W 0-2
MD9: Tadjikistan - Starblaydia W 3-1
MD10: Tadjikistan - Da Philelfya Empiya D 2-2
MD11: Kericia - Tadjikistan
MD12: Tadjikistan - Metfield
MD13: Rordia - Tadjikistan
MD14: Tadjikistan - Dauna Hills
MD15: Tadjikistan - Lethislavania
MD16: Vilita - Tadjikistan
MD17: Tadjikistan - Kudlastan
MD18: Starblaydia - Tadjikistan

Narrow defeat sends Cuation bottom

An improvment over the starting match when the inexpirenced Cuation side lost 3-0. Unable to create chances, they limited Spiruitland to only a few chances, only when the offside trap was broken, Gary Jens then rounded, did the team concede a goal. Abel Robinson was man of the match, breaking up attacks and using the ball well. Giovanni was once more the best attacking option, an overhead kick forcing a good save but his magic was let down by the poor play of the other players

The next match is to be against Trebank, another defeat is expected but another performance like this and the team might just upset the odds, hopefully also going above the lucky Asthetan team. Joint bottom, with seven points, maybe we have been unlucky in getting so tight a group but if we are to clmber up the ranks, we must cut out the inconsistancy that has plagued the campaign.

We would also like to appluad Bedistan Lions for playing so well, going unbeaten.

OC: sorry time limited for me this week

Inside of the central temple of Karela in Hetkali:

Hatime I Ra~e enters the temple and prays in front of the giant Buddha-esque statue with wings. He speaks in his native language, Isesi, so it is very difficult to understand what he says. Fortunately, the magical camera of RP has a universal translator. Cool, eh? We switch it on, and listen that Hatime I Ra~e prays to Taderekansa for his substitution. He prays for Siki Rej, the true karelan to be released and replace him, the imposter. He never was karelan, but had to see that this is the only way to success. He feels wrong in the position as imdilan with defensive ambitions or rather a jesejilian. As he leaves the temple, a monk hushes towards him and gave him quietly an item. Hatime I Ra~e bowes and when he raiseshe sees that it is a glowing orb in a slightly greenish blue: a va'karela, but apparently a new type of it. He feels calm and somehow the doubts of not being karelan enough or having to betray himself for it are vanished. Han'il, Karela!

From the same temple, a group of monks leave to search the reincarnation of Margaret. They are System karelan and rejistanian. They leave to Druida, because of all places in the world, Druida apparently had the reincarnated Margaret.

Jeruselem Government News

Group 4 leaders make their move!

More World Cup 25 news. While Nedalians fans might want to forget about the current campaign, Jeruselem and Hockey Canada fans have much to cheer about so far.

Jeruselem played Hypocria again, and was expecting the hypos to be really hard to beat. Last time, we drew 1 ALL and Hypocria was starting really well. Well, not today. Jeruselem finally got the better of them winning 2-0 to keep up with the leading pair staying a win away. Good start for Jeruselem for the 2nd half of qualifying.

Oaker stopped the rot of draws with a 3-2 win over last placed Jacobian Tribes. Oaker were expected to win, but the tribes played well to score two goals against Oaker. In fact, Oaker conceded 3 goals in 9 games before this game!

Nova Britannicus? What can we say? They stomped on San-Lorenzo to keep top spot despite Oaker's win. 4-0 was scoreline and the Poms are look indestructible - NO LOSSES. Oaker - NO LOSSES. Same record, the Poms have a +19 goal difference. Jeruselem and Oaker have a +12 one.

Alemeinia grooved to 5th after making Giant Zucchini look silly. The veges lost 2-4 and well, it's over really. In fact, Alemeinia have more points and wins than Hypocria. They should be proud of their results so far.

Chicanada played Kunar for chance for another win. Kunar held Oaker to NIL ALL and did the same to Chicanada. While Kunar are not going to make the top 3, they have impressed with 2 wins and 4 draws.

All, in all - top 3 are the same. 4th place is the same. The other spots swapped around a little except the bottom 2. With 9 points between 5th and 3rd, only Chicanada are a real chance of making a challenge to us.

GROUP 4
Jacobian Tribes 2 Oaker 3
Kunar 0 Chicanada 0
San-Lorenzo 0 Nova Britannicus 4
Hypocria 0 Jeruselem 2
Giant Zucchini 2 Alemeinia 4


GROUP 4
Pos Team P W D L F A GD Pts
1 Nova Britannicus 10 7 3 0 25 6 19 24
2 Oaker 10 7 3 0 17 5 12 24
3 Jeruselem 10 6 3 1 20 8 12 21
4 Chicanada 10 4 5 1 17 11 6 17
5 Alemeinia 10 4 1 5 15 21 -6 13
6 Hypocria 10 3 3 4 12 16 -4 12
7 Kunar 10 2 4 4 8 14 -6 10
8 Giant Zucchini 10 1 3 6 13 22 -9 6
9 San-Lorenzo 10 0 4 6 5 19 -14 4
10 Jacobian Tribes 10 0 3 7 10 20 -10 3


As for Group 9, Hockey Canada is a grand 2nd while the toothless Lions (Nedalia) are 8th. We'd prefer if Nedalia was higher up than it is now. Hopefully, the Lions win a few (lots actually or all) more games and the competing teams slip up to allow it to get to 3rd, but the World Cup is ruthless and you need a little luck too.

"Is Mr. Chem there?"

Bill Posters had settled in well to say he had only been in the job for a month. A lot of work had been done towards putting right all the wrongs the previous incumbant had done, and an anti-alcohol programme was even in the beginning stages of being set up. But there was one thing that had intrigued Bill for months, maybe even years now. How Trevor Chem never seems to get any older. Of course, the rest of the population were largely too drunk or stupid to have ever noticed. But Bill had.

"Yes, I'll just get him. Who's calling?"

"It's the President. Bill Posters."

"OK."

Bill waited a few seconds, then...

"Hello?"

"Ah, Mr. Chem. Good to hear from you. Now, I'll cut straight to the point..."

"Look, I know what you're going to ask."

"You do? But... how?"

"I can't tell you how right now. The shock would be too much for you."

"Mr. Chem, I assure you that no shock would be too much for me. My body's still in pretty good shape, it can handle it."

"Sir, I cannot take the risk. Trust me, though. I know what you're going to ask, and the answer is exactly the same. I can't tell you yet, but you'll be finding out soon enough."

"But... how?!?!?"

It was no good. Chem had already put the phone down.

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

The Daily Druid

A MONASTRY IN DRUIDA?
By Colette Bravo

It might well seem odd in an atheist nation like Druida, but a monastry has been opened in South East Druida by a group calling themselves "hisisimist monks".

The site, near the small market town of Morton Harkett, has been claimed by the monks because of the serenity of the area. They claim it allows them to concentrate fully on their worship of hisisim and the random number gods.

System hisisim was created by Trefor "Elastic" Edwards for World Cup 25, and the monks claim to be so overcome by its success so far that they have begun to worship it, just as there are karelan monks.

Edwards was unavailable for comment, but the rumour is that he's rather flattered by it all.

Rumours that a reincarnation of Margaret, famous prophet towards the random number gods, are completely unfounded at this time.

Stars stumble in 1-1 draw

WOODSTOCK (ASP) -- The world's number one-ranked side hosting unranked and unheralded Jon Parkin after finishing the first half of qualifying with a 7-2-0 record in a group that includes 12th ranked Crystilakere and an up-and-coming Five Civilized Nations side with the pedigree of number 26 in the world should have been an easy result for the Sarzonian national team.

However, there's a reason they don't play football matches on paper. With goalkeeper Harvey Cooley in the net for the first time since the now-dismissed 3-2 win over The Gupta Dynasty, the Stars played down to their opponents, giving up 11 shots on goal and only generating five of their own in a 1-1 draw that had Barry Owens defending his coaching decisions.

"Look, this is an eighteen game schedule," Owens said sharply. "We've got to make sure that we have both goalkeepers ready to go in the event we need them both. This is the first time in 10 games that Harvey's been in there. We needed to get a great game out of him and we did that."

Owens was right. Cooley made 10 saves, including three that usual starting goalkeeper Horace Sandt said he'd "only dream about stopping" and commanded the box like a goalkeeper who'd been playing regularly for his national team and not sitting behind a World Cup winning netminder. However, defender Mike Coyle said "we failed Harvey, not the other way around.

"If we continue to play matches like that, especially against an experienced World Cup side like Kylaai (their next opponent) or Five Civilized Nations, (who defeated Euroslavia 5-0), we're in a world of trouble."

For her part, midfielder Jenna Raven was the bright spot for the Stars (7-3-0, 24 points), scoring the only goal on an assist from her Under 21 national team running mate Jarret Sanderson providing the assist. Forward Kevin Wilson dropped back into midfield when he saw the two middies taking the ball to the Jon Parkin goal in the 78th minute, drawing the ire of several Stars supporters.

"They're not coaches," Wilson said of the fans who got on him for dropping back into midfield. "They don't know what our coaching staff expects of us."

Certainly a much better effort than what they got against Jon Parkin with an away match against Kylaai in the offing. Assistant coach Cal Trottier said the team would start Sandt in goal in the next match, adding, "that was the plan all along. It's not a slam against Harvey, but we were going to pick our spots to start Harvey. We need him in there to stay sharp and to keep from wearing Horace out."

Barry Owens fidgeted in his seat on the sidelines as his Sarzonian national football team prepared to take the field in an important away match against Kylaai. He was familiar with press clippings from the Woodstock Daily Mail that showed several quotes from Kylaai's players that screamed for revenge against the Stars. A team that was still in the chase as of two matches ago and was still within a good run of qualifying for the World Cup was talking like a team that was resigned to play the spoiler.

For his part, however, the lacklustre 1-1 draw against a Jon Parkin side made the man who was only the third full-time head coach in Stars history prickly. Assistant coach Cal Trottier grimaced as he watched his boss run through training with the increased defensivenes of a coach whose job was in jeopardy.

The Stars were still unbeaten heading into the away match against Kylaai and they were four points clear of Crystilakere for first place. They also had a five point lead over surprising Bakostrovia for the third and final spot into the World Cup finals from their group. But Owens was as uptight as a coach whose side was on the outside looking in.

Finally, the moment of blissful relief from a week's tension came. The opening kickoff from forward Brian Wilson to his younger brother Kevin, in for the suspended Kenny Cooper (yellow card accumulation). But Owens couldn't remain seated for very long. Just ninety seconds after the kickoff, he had already pounced up from his seat and started screaming instructions out to midfielder Jenna Raven.

"Barry! Calm down will ya," one Stars player said from his spot on the player's bench.

"As soon as you're satisfied as a football player, we're finished as a football team," Owens shot back. His words seemed strangely prophetic when a Kylaai midfielder stole the ball from defender and team captain Trevor Crenshaw and fired a shot past goalkeeper Horace Sandt to give the homestanding Kylaai side a 1-0 lead 18 minutes in. Owens fumed at the goal and yelled something at Crenshaw. For the first time, however, Crenshaw yelled back at his coach and the two men had to be separated after Crenshaw came toward the player's bench to argue with his coach.

However, instead of possibly tearing the fragile fabric of team unity apart, it seemed to only give it a layering of spectra. The Stars scored three goals in quick succession and found themselves leading 3-1 with forty minutes expired in the first half. Crenshaw himself assisted on the first goal by Kevin Wilson, midfielder Jarret Sanderson scored assisted by Raven, and defender Mike Coyle notched the third.

In the halftime locker room, Owens apologised to the team for "dressing down" Crenshaw, and privately took his captain aside and apologised to him. Even though the small gestures did nothing to the scoresheet, they seemed to galvanise a Stars team that was surprisingly ineffective for a world's number one ranked side.

Finally, the final whistle brought a tense week to a close with a 3-1 away win that Owens hoped would provide a gust of second wind to a team that seemed on the verge of collapsing upon itself.

Eauz Celebrates at Expense of Sea Dragons - Again

The match today seemed to be a carbon copy of the one yesterday against TnUI, with the Sea Dragons looking rather like a dead fish as Eauz cruised to a 2-0 win.

"Well, i guess that was expected" lamely commented Shaun Conarky.

In other news the unranked DaWhoselinePeople continued to find a way to win as they remained 4th in Group 9. Nedalia also found a way to remain ordinary at best, failing to achieve more than a draw vs Spaam.

The Sea Dragons host DaWhoselinePeople in their next match, and all indications show that this will be another win for the best unranked team in the world. Prediction: DWP 2 - ASMV 1, after all this score has shown up way too much to ignore it.

Some good news, if you wish to percieve it that way, came today in a rhyme. ASMV managed to take 3 verses in a poem that has made its way out of Audioslavia. All references were due to the teams struggles, but at least we were the most mentioned team in it.

CHEAT Headquarters, Prontera, Chorion

Brad Liang (Manager, Commerce Heights Capitalizts): Paul, have you seen the tables?

Paul Iñaki (Coach, Commerce Heights Capitalizts): Yes…Why am I here?

Liang: This has to be one of the worst teams we’ve fielded since…uh…World Cup 11.

Iñaki: We’ll do better soon.

Liang: Oh, and when will that be? We don’t see three consecutive losses every day, you know. Not even every other Cup.

Iñaki: Alasdair, Bipedal Apes, and Praying2God are good teams that had good days.

Liang: Regardless, we’re in a qualifying slot by one slani point. If you haven’t paid much attention to history, we were in a qualifying slot up to the final match of WC11, and it suddenly disappeared. That’s just waiting to happen here!

Iñaki: I assure you, we’ll be able to hold on. I think this conversation might even help us—you know, that “RP bonus” thing.

Liang: Yeah, right.

Iñaki: Well, what do you want me to say?

Liang: I want you to say you’ll beat Cockbill Street in two months.

Iñaki: I can’t promise that.

Liang: That’s too bad for you. ’Cause if you don’t win that game, you’re fired.

GROUP 5
Matchday 6
Sarzonia 0 Crystilakere 0
Ruventsoria 2 PopularFreedom 0
Jon Parkin 1 Kylaai 1
Five Civilized Nations 1 Bakostrovia 0
Euroslavia 1 Spookyville 0

Titans Gain Victory; Regain Confidence
After a tough match against Sarzonia, the Titans' confidence had begun to falter. Despite its obvious hard work against the highest ranked team in the World Cup, falling short of a tie, or even a victory against them had proven to be a heartbreaker. However, the Titans had begun to work harder even after the match, with practices almost every day, along with thirty extra minutes added on to each practice for a few more drills. These extra initiatives have given the Titans a needed boost, which showed in the match against Spookyville, with the Titans shutting down the Spookyville offense completely.

Phillip Frazier was the only goal scorer in the entire match. Throughout the entire first half of the game, neither team gained an obvious advantage, that is, until near the end of the first half. In the 34th minute, the Titan offense finally broke through the Spookyville defenses and aided Phillip Frazier in scoring what would be the winning goal against their opponent. This is the second time that the Titans have been able to come out with a victory. Despite the season's disappointments, this World Cup performance so far has proven to be better than the last few times that Euroslavia had participated in.

The Titan's next opponent would be Bakostrovia, who has proven to be one of the better teams within Group 5, fighting Five Civilized Nations for that final spot in the next round of World Cup action.

Matchday 7
Spookyville 0 Sarzonia 1
Bakostrovia 2 Euroslavia 0
Kylaai 1 Five Civilized Nations 1
PopularFreedom 1 Jon Parkin 1
Crystilakere 3 Ruventsoria 0

Team Sabotage?
"We just weren't playing as a team out there." as the Head Coach of Euroslavia responded to the media after the match. "This wasn't the same team that I seen against Spookyville, and when I find them, I'll let you know. The players in this match today are certainly not the players that I've trained throughout this season of the World Cup."

It seems that the Euroslavian World Cup team was not present today, and in fact, a bunch of school children replaced the real Titans in the match against Bakostrovia.

A day after the match, the real players were found inside the children's grade school, being bribed with delicious cupcakes in exchange for not going to their scheduled match-up. This scandal has spread all across Euroslavia, with fans throwing a fit, and refusing to buy the baked good in response to the teams' failure if refusing a 'child's offer'.

In other news, cupcake sales have fallen since the incident, while in turn making supermarket sales fall short of their goal. Two hundred people have been laid off because of the lost sales.

Matchday 8
Sarzonia 2 Ruventsoria 1
Jon Parkin 1 Crystilakere 1
Five Civilized Nations 1 PopularFreedom 1
Euroslavia 2 Kylaai 3
Spookyville 1 Bakostrovia 1

Another Defeat; Unrest in the Stadium

Another defeat at the hands of another Group 5 opponent, Kylaai. The fans in the stadium became restless and began to throw cupcakes at the players, to mock their previous decision to practically forfeit a match to gorge on these cupcakes. Because of the mass purchase of cupcakes, the 200 jobs were then regained along with 350 more job opportunities, mostly at supermarkets and bakeries.

Kylaai and Euroslavia both had great days offensively, but the Titans fell short by one goal, while their defense slipped up.

"It seems like we're going to have to do some more drills in practice, because our new strategies don't seem to be getting into their heads. Some of the players committed the very mistakes that I've been teaching them to avoid. There are going to have to be some serious changes in this team's mindset before they can truly become competitors in the World Cup."

Matchday 9
Bakostrovia 1 Sarzonia 2
Kylaai 2 Spookyville 1
PopularFreedom 0 Euroslavia 0
Crystilakere 1 Five Civilized Nations 3
Ruventsoria 3 Jon Parkin 1

Another tie; Another point
The match against PopularFreedom proved the Head Coach of the Titans wrong about the failure of remembering the new defensive drills; however, both teams' offense wasn't good enough to break through the others' defense, leaving the match at a 0-0 tie. Perhaps it was time that the Titans moved on to creating more opportunities against defensive teams?

"It's been on my mind that we need to begin focusing more on our offense. Despite scoring two goals in our previous match against Kylaai, there is always room for improvement, especially with where we are standing in Group 5, at the very bottom. There is only one way from here, up."

The only goal of the team before the World Cup was to finish in the middle of the pack, in the very least, in Group 5. So far, the Titans have struggled, with their team placed at the last position. In order for them to come back, the team is going to have to win some decisive matches, especially against those in reach, points-wise.

Matchday 10
Sarzonia 1 Jon Parkin 1
Ruventsoria 1 Five Civilized Nations 0
Crystilakere 5 Euroslavia 0
PopularFreedom 1 Spookyville 1
Kylaai 1 Bakostrovia 3

Titans Blown Away
Crystilakere completely slaughtered the Titans in the most recent match, despite the last match being a bit closer. The stress of not wanting to finish in last place in Group 5 seemed to have a pretty decent effect on them all, throwing their entire groove off in the match. The Titan defense was easily broken, causing confusion among not only the defensive players, but the team as a whole. Not even their best strategy could stop Crystilakere's powerful offense.

"This was honestly expected, going against one of the best offenses in the World Cup. Of course, we didn't play our best game out there, but we certainly did try. It's going to take a few off seasons for our team to compete against that sort of attack. Practice makes perfect, you know, and we have a lot of practicing to do before we can consider ourselves an offense to be reckoned with."

Matchday 11
Kylaai 1 Sarzonia 3
Bakostrovia 1 PopularFreedom 2
Spookyville 0 Crystilakere 1
Euroslavia 1 Ruventsoria 0
Five Civilized Nations 2 Jon Parkin 1

Victory!
The match against Ruventsoria became another one of those one goal victory games. It was almost deja vu, because the only player to score a goal was Phillip Frazier, who pulled the same thing against Spookyville. If the Titan offense can somehow pull even closer together, a few more goal scorers could emerge out of it all, making the Titan offense more of a challenge to go against. With this victory, the Titans move out of the cellar in Group 5, and pass a few of the teams up, who were two points ahead of them. This could be the start of a Titan push towards the top of the Group, despite the fact that the Titans are pretty much not going to take one of the top three spots in the Group. They can at least try their best and end the season in a few victories and a few suprises.

Casari4sport

Away loss to Commerce Heights met with dissapointment, apathy
We're a little burnt out on Qualifying, to be honest

As Qualifying continues to drag on with little end in sight, Casari turned in another sub-par performance where they were outplayed beginning to end by a superior team.

"It's not that Qualifying isn't interesting, there's just way too much of it and it's hard to come up with things to say about these dismal performances week in and out." People we asked said.

Casari continues to skip up and down around the 500 mark, making it more clear every single day that Casari simply did not being what it has brought in previous years back again for this one.

Surprise win abroad

After scoring only two goals in ten matches, Ariddia scooped up a victory on Israeli soil today, scoring two goals in one match and conceding only one, claiming three precious points.

The Rouge-et-Noirs began confidently after performing the ulek with a renewed sense of defiance, and the Israeli keeper just managed to deflect a front-on shot by Lat in the fifth minute of the game. Six minutes later, a shot by Ramirez left the keeper defenceless but, fortunately for the Israelis, hit the bar.

In the sixteenth minute, Ariddian keeper Leduc saved a shot on goal which was, in any case, declared offside by the referee. And a continuous attack by the Ariddians over the following minutes yielded an opening goal by Lel as the onslaught finally broke through Israel4Ever’s defences.

For the first time in the competition, Ariddia began the second half of the match in the lead, a tremendous confidence booster for the team. An Israeli equaliser in the sixtieth minute further energised the Ariddians, but seven minutes after that a foul by Lukeson led to a penalty kick by Israel4Ever. . . which Leduc dutifully saved as the Ariddians in the stadium held their breath.

Relief came in the seventy-seventh minute when Frédéric Clément, well served by Alt, scored his second goal in two matches, again from a narrow side angle, making it a 2-1 win for the Rouge-et-Noirs.

Asked later whether he had changed his mind about leaving the team in shame, Clément answered,

“I said I would leave if we were unable to score five goals in our final nine matches. I’m sticking to that.” And, with a grin, he added, “But I know we can score two more in our seven remaining games. We’re not going to become overconfident, you can be sure of that. We’ve got some difficult matches ahead of us. But we’ve regained enough confidence to play well, and. . . we’ll try to keep up our momentum.”

A win in an away match was something many supporters had begun to fear was beyond the team’s capabilities. Tonight, there is a renewed sense of hope amongst Ariddian football fans throughout the nation.

Golden Wolves Lose To...Who?

Game 11
Da WhoseLine People 2 - Yafor 2 1

Wherever the nation of Da WhoseLine People is, wherever they are, you can be sure that they are cowering in fear. It is rare to see an entire nation angry, escpecially a mild, pacifist nation such as Yafor 2, but the press and the country and raving in the sheer depth of their anger. Da WhoseLine People has caused, most probably, Yafor 2's World Cup campaign to be over, and even with eight games remaining, it will be unlikely for Yafor 2 to succeed.

The first half was wild, hard fought, and should not have been how it was. There are definate cries of "bribery" and "scandal" and "fire the referee". It is rare to see a mistaken foul call result in a penalty, and then the penalty being scored, but in this game, it happened twice. Currently, outside of the World Cup Committee, Yafor 2 is organizing it's own panel to look into this occurence, and the answer may not be good for Da WhoseLine People.

The Golden Wolves retaliated against these two bad calls with savagry and anger. All of the Yaforite players, from backup goalie Abul Hamer, to forward Fernando Malar, were shoving, pushing, and smashing. There were a total of 29 (29!) fouls committed by the Golden Wolves, and while no cards were given, nearly every YAforite player got a warning. All the Da WhoseLine People players went home with bruises, in the end.

The lone Yaforite goal was on a Captain Gerod Flamer 58-yarder, that ended up showing on the highlight reel in several countries. In the end, the Golden Wolves went home angered, and next game, they are sure to conquer.

-Exceptionally Censored Excerpt from The Ajerite Sun.

PALADINS IN LIVERPOOL ENGLAND?

Audioslavian poem raises questions as to uniqueness of NMS moniker

NEW MONTREAL - Although we could describe the karelan mudhole that was last night's game against Tonissia (that ended in a 0-0 draw that helped absolutely no-one), public attention in the NMS football world has been directed to a poem recently released by an Audioslavian writer.

Not that it's a bad poem - it's not - but the controversy focuses on one stanza describing Oglethorpia's upset of defending champs Liverpool England, in which the Liverpool England team was named as the Paladins.

"In four World Cups with these guys, we never found that one out," said Ministry representative Yvan Desmatins. "Until we get some kind of further confirmation or denial, we'll be keeping our moniker." He then stated that a change was not out of the question if some other party could confirm the name.

"We're not begrudging these guys the use of the name 'Paladins', nor do we have any beef with Liverpool England," he continued. "We just want to be unique, and if that means changing our name, than so be it."

Alternatives suggested so far include:

- a return to the Ice Paladins name and jerseys used in WC10, hopefully without a return to our WC10 form
- an internation "name-that-nation" contest

Until further investigation takes place, the nation is on tenterhooks, and one fan quite literally so. Danielle Bellejour, devoted Paladins fan, has found a pair of what she calls tenterhooks, and has attached herself to the wall of the Paladin Dome using them.

The Bedistan Sports Digest - page A11 - Editorial

Don't come crying to us about "uniqueness"
by Patrick Thomas

So the New Montrealers are up in arms about having a "non-unique" team nickname after some random Audioslavian dude wrote a poem talking about the Liverpool England Paladins. Please. Don't make me hit you. If you want a non-unique name, how about...um...Lions? We've lost count of how many teams have used that name over the past century. We were the first, of course, but apparently nobody else respected that. Having a name used by two teams is small change compared to one that's been used by...surely at least half a dozen. If anyone has a right to complain, it's us. No wonder we all went into riots when we lost to these guys way back when.

P.S. That Audioslavian guy was wrong anyway - LE's team is called the Terminators.

The opinions expressed in this article are not necessarily those of the Bedistan Sports Digest, the Bedistani government, or any Bedistani sporting association or club.

excerpt from the Audioslavian dictionary

Paladin (Pal-Ah-Din) - Philosophers, famous nickname of Liverpool England football team.

*cough*

World Cup News
In association with Hellacious Huckleberry Gum

Wilson Stops the Rot


Ok, so it wasn’t exactly the feast of exciting attacking football that the fans were expecting but the Hyppos did come home from Alemeinia with all three points so who the hell cares? Particularly as the side had been on a run of three defeats in the last four games going in to the Alemeinia fixture.

The Hyppos started well and had a chance right from the kick off but Shirko shot wide when well placed. That disappointment didn’t last long as Partizan Drissa’s Ashley Marshall put the visitors in front with a lucky goal on nine minutes, his second goal of the campaign. Bora Burdali found the winger wide on the right if the penalty area. Marshall fired in a shot which took a nasty deflection off a defender and looped over the keeper. As the game approached the half hour mark Vilita based attacker Robert Bercali made it 2 – 0 after being released through the centre by Baxter’s beautifully timed through ball.

In the second half the Hyppos sat back a bit and Alemeinia made them pay with a nicely worked goal on seventy minutes to reduce the deficit but the Hyppos defence stood firm to secure their second win of the campaign over Alemeinia and to move the nation above their opponents and into fifth place in group 4.

When asked about the performance assistant coach Gregory Vidal told reporters,

“The players are adjusting to a new system and that doesn’t just happen over night. Alemeinia are no pushovers either. There were above us in the table when we took them on so the manager is really happy with this result.”

Alemeinia 1 – 2 Hypocria

But naturally on a day when the Hyppos recorded a win all their qualification rivals did too. Nova Britannicus now have clear daylight at the top after an easy 2 – 0 home win over Kunar and Oaker’s first defeat of the campaign, a 3 – 0 reverse in Chicanada. Jeruselem replace the Sharks in second place after a 1 – 0 home win over San-Lorenzo. In the other game the Jacobian Tribe held Giant Zucchini to a goalless draw.


GROUP 4 - Unofficial
Pos Team P W D L F A GD Pts
1 Nova Britannicus 11 8 3 0 27 6 21 27
2 Jeruselem 11 7 3 1 21 8 13 24
3 Oaker 11 7 3 1 17 8 9 24
4 Chicanada 11 5 5 1 20 11 9 20
5 Hypocria 11 4 3 4 14 17 -3 15
6 Alemeinia 11 4 1 6 16 23 -7 13
7 Kunar 11 2 4 5 8 16 -8 10
8 Giant Zucchini 11 1 4 6 13 22 -9 7
9 Jacobian Tribes 11 0 4 7 10 20 -10 4
10 San-Lorenzo 11 0 4 7 5 20 -15 4


So it’s still just the 9 point gap between the Hyppos and a qualification place. Wins now are absolutely essential and with two home games against the 8th and 9th ranked nations in the group and a trip to bottom side San Lorenzo on the horizon Hypocria won’t have a better of chance of putting some more points on the board. Now if only the sides above could lose some games . . .

Next up it’s Giant Zucchini at the Hyppodrome and a chance to wipe away memories of that 5 – 1 capitulation on matchday 3

Qualification Schedule

Jeruselem v Hypocria (1 - 1)
Hypocria v Alemeinia (Drissa Sports Arena, Drissa) (3 - 1)
Giant Zucchini v Hypocria (5 - 1!)
Jacobian Tribes v Hypocria (2 - 2)
Hypocria v San-Lorenzo (Oceanside Stadium, Pylos) (1 - 0)
Kunar v Hypocria (1 - 3)
Hypocria v Oaker (Hyppodrome, Hypocrium) (0 - 2)
Chicanada v Hypocria (1 - 1)
Hypocria v Nova Britannicus (Oceanside Stadium, Pylos) (0 - 1)
Hypocria v Jeruselem (Hyppodrome, Hypocrium) (0 - 2)
Alemeinia v Hypocria (1 - 2)
Hypocria v Giant Zucchini (Hyppodrome, Hypocrium)
Hypocria v Jacobian Tribes (Drissa Sports Arena, Drissa)
San-Lorenzo v Hypocria
Hypocria v Kunar (Reef Stadium, Coral City)
Oaker v Hypocria
Hypocria v Chicanada (Hyppodrome, Hypocrium)
Nova Britannicus v Hypocria

Tadjik engine at full speed

The tie to The Philelfya Empiya came as a shock, and it took the Tadjiks some time to get over that. A team that, in the eyes of the fans, doesnt make a chance in group 1 held the Tigers at bay sneaking away with a point. A point that the Tigers could use themselves.

So their second match in the second half of the qualifications was quite important, an away match against an opponent that, without doubt, was seeking revenge. Kericia had had some trouble maintaining itself in Group 1. In fact the Kericians were nineth while they should have been fourth of fifth. But as the Tigers just learned, even a team at the bottom of the group can be dangerous.

Once more the Tadjik Tigers treated their fans on a surprise. A positive surprise this time or to be more precise, a Tadjik 0-5 victory. The first victory of such magnitude in years (the last and only 5-0 victory was Tadjikistan - Tichang). But what made this victory special was the place, the BNU Arena in Burnaby, Kericia. Never before did Tadjikistan win with 5 goals in an away match.

The Kericians probably never wanted this to happen, but it seems they have lost most of their will to fight in the past matches were they could not meet up to the expectations. Maybe they already realized that they cant qualify. Maybe they are just playing these matches because they have to. And if we look at the current situation, we see that they are close to the truth, they can only qualify if they win atleast five matches from now on, while they have to hope Vilita will lose all its matches. mathematicly they still have a chance, albeit a really small one.

The Tadjiks on the other hand are currently in a safe position, together with Starblaydia at three points from Vilita and seven from Dauna Hills. Offcourse the Tigers have to work to stay on top, especially now, against the lowranked teams they have to take what they can. And tomorrow Metfield visits the Tadjiks in Dushanbe.

Metfield did quite well so far, climbing up to the sixth position with a 3-3-5 record, which is good for an unranked side. The Tadjiks won in Metfield with 0-1, so the Metfield national team will be looking for some glory and a point or three against the Tadjiks. The Tadjiks will have to be careful.


GROUP 1
Pos Team P W D L F A GD Pts
1 Tadjikistan 11 8 2 1 23 7 16 26
2 Starblaydia 11 8 2 1 23 9 14 26
3 Vilita 11 7 2 2 23 13 10 23
4 Dauna Hills 11 5 4 2 14 12 2 19
5 Lethislavania 11 5 3 3 14 12 2 18
6 Metfield 11 3 3 5 12 14 -2 12
7 Kudlastan 11 3 1 7 6 14 -8 10
8 Rordia 11 2 3 6 9 14 -5 9
9 Kericia 11 2 2 7 9 26 -17 8
10 Da Philelfya Empiya 11 0 2 9 7 17 -10 2


Fixtures:
MD1: Da Philelfya Empiya - Tadjikistan W 0-2
MD2: Tadjikistan - Kericia W 3-0
MD3: Metfield - Tadjikistan W 0-1
MD4: Tadjikistan - Rordia W 1-0
MD5: Dauna Hills - Tadjikistan W 1-2
MD6: Lethislavania - Tadjikistan L 2-1
MD7: Tadjikistan - Vilita D 1-1
MD8: Kudlastan - Tadjikistan W 0-2
MD9: Tadjikistan - Starblaydia W 3-1
MD10: Tadjikistan - Da Philelfya Empiya D 2-2
MD11: Kericia - Tadjikistan W 0-5
MD12: Tadjikistan - Metfield
MD13: Rordia - Tadjikistan
MD14: Tadjikistan - Dauna Hills
MD15: Tadjikistan - Lethislavania
MD16: Vilita - Tadjikistan
MD17: Tadjikistan - Kudlastan
MD18: Starblaydia - Tadjikistan

Pschychoes Squeak By

Unsurprisingly, the match against Rejistania ends with 1 goal
Squornshelous pulled one off again, defeating Rejistania for the second time of their qualifying run. The match's lone goal (a growing trend in Squornshelan football) was scored once again by star forward Franz Persson. He seems to have fully shaken off his poor club season and is playing with real purpose. If only the rest of the ttack would join him.
This victory puts them in a position to qualify by earning just 9 of the 21 points possible in their next 7 matches. When you onsider that the most difficult match of qualifying is already behind them, and in the win collumn to boot, it seems very unlikely the the Pschychoes will fail to qualify. The determining factor in the remainder of this cup will be whether or not the Squornshelan attack can rebound from its recent slump, scoring 3 goals in the past 4 matches. The upcoming home match against Brazillico should provide a good setting for the return of the attack, especially with the new, more aggressive formation being put into effect. We expect to see big numbers for the Pschychoes in this game, and are looking for a strong win to put us fully back on track.

Final Score:
Squornshelous 1-0 Rejistania

Cuation manage a suprise win

The Cuation nation was given a boost in this troubled time when the team winning their last match, managing to score a late winner in a hard fought match. This has pushed Cuation up two places but the team must keep performing to stay in touch with Kipto-Mare. Ton those he still slam the team, look at the Sea Dragons, a good side somehow failing to gain as much points as expected. They are really unlucky this World Cup

In the game itself, both sides created chances before an Ashton cross was flicked in by Peter Tanner to open the goalscoring. A strong defensive performance kept the inexpirenced team in the lead till goalie Gary Jens missed a long ball, allowing Trebank to equalise.

The Caticanos went on the attack, Gary Jens making up for his error when he saved in a 1-1. A Giovanni free kick from out wide was headed in by captian Sol Major to score a winner, his first goal for the nation. Trebank searched for an equaliser, Sol Major clearing off the line when Gary Jens was chipped but the team hanged on.

The next match is against a good Nanakland side but an upset is hoped for, maybe a draw but the team can not afford to be thrashed at this point

thsd:NEWS
EL CID THE VILLAIN
By Bill Tulos in Bromham

KRYTENIA have lost two World Cup qualifiers in a row for the first time in almost a quarter of a century. Not since the dark days of World Cup !9 (what was with that exclamation mark anyway? Is the numeral "1" that uncool? - Ed) have the Aces been this far from ace. Their latest defeat (their third in four matches) was at the hands of El Cid The Hero, a team Krytenia had despatched on their own turf back on Matchday Two.

Krytenia were not helped by niggling injuries that kept Gabe Kennedy (ankle), Kevin Keda (hamstring), and a rather nasty looking groin infection to Robin Spivey (no sniggering at the back - Ed) meant an unfamiliar front three and two debutantes - Geoff Merckx, the half-Spruit anchorman, and Morgan Bartrum, who plays his football in Hypocria. While they were finding their feet, El Cid were finding the net, Tevez and Diaz both scoring in the first quarter of an hour.

The Aces' inexperience up front showed, as only the pensionable Phil Neasden showed any predatory instinct. His late consolation was not enough though, Bartrum wasting chance after chance, and Merckx looking lost at times. An Archy are the next opponents for the Aces - hopefully they can take three points at last. See you there!

KRYTENIA - 1
Neasden 84

EL CID THE HERO - 2
Tevez 9
Diaz 14

SCORERS
G. Kennedy: 13
R. Spivey: 7
K. Keda: 3
P. Neasden: 2
S. Ziov: 2
N. Caraiani: 1
D. Signoriello: 1
C. Stevenson: 1
J. Terezzi: 1

QUALIFYING SCHEDULE
MD1: A v CAP L 0-1
MD2: A v ECH W 3-0
MD3: H v ANA W 5-0 (Mellion Lane, Davisham)
MD4: A v NMS W 3-2
MD5: H v TGD W 4-1 (The Mound, Secklow)
MD6: A v PGJ W 2-0
MD7: H v NCR W 3-0 (Brecklands, Linford)
MD8: A v BET L 3-4
MD9: H v TON W 5-0 (Sixways Stadium, Avidia)
MD10: H v CAP L 2-3 (Oxley Park, Everton City)
MD11: H v ECH L 1-2 (Mercia Stadium, Bromham)
MD12: A v ANA ?????
MD13: H v NMS ????? (Denbigh Park, Ousevale)
MD14: A v TGD ?????
MD15: H v PGJ ????? (Walton Gardens, Simpson)
MD16: A v NCR ?????
MD17: H v BET ????? (Davis Memorial Stadium, Everton City)
MD18: A v TON ?????

CAFE: N v FMJ ?????

Jeruselem Government News

Oaky Dokey!

So we got you with a stupid headline again. So what's up the this Oaky Dokey headline?

Would you believe Oaker lost a game? No, can't be true! Yes it is. Chicanada was the culprit, who inflicted Oaker's first loss in World Cup 25. They won well with a 3-0 thumping of the 8th seed. A stunning defeat - Chicanada are a threat to any of the top 3! What does this mean? Jeruselem move to 2nd and Oaker back to 4th. Chicanada are still 4th - one win away from 2nd and 3rd.

San-Lorenzo lost again. Jeruselem scraped by with 1-0 scoreline but that's still a win. Not the best game, but we won still.

Giant Zucchini - cursed? Jacobian Tribes took them on and got a draw. So the veges stay 8th and the Tribes last. NIL ALL is not the scoreline for champs.

Hypocria got back into the winners circle again. They beat Alemeinia 2-1 who lose 5th spot to Hypocria, so the struggle continues on for hyppos. They are 5 points away from 4th, so they can make 3rd with lots of luck.

Nova Britannicus are looking HOT. Another win to the Poms. Kunar lost 0-2 and the Poms keep top spot with Jeruselem keeping up the pressure and Oaker struggling a little.

Will Oaker resume it's form or will the super Poms come out to score tops spot? Jeruselem just don't go away either, Chicanada looming as the dark horse. The Hyppos are good enough if they have some luck while the others can go home with memories.

GROUP 4
Giant Zucchini 0 Jacobian Tribes 0
Alemeinia 1 Hypocria 2
Jeruselem 1 San-Lorenzo 0
Nova Britannicus 2 Kunar 0
Chicanada 3 Oaker 0

GRAHAM CITY SUN - Sports Section

Stjepan's First Game as Player-Manager Results in Glorious Upset

GRAHAM CITY - The celebrations are only just beginning to die down as the Stars finally pulled off the victory this team has the potential for. Merely two weeks after Vosdanovich was fired after a 4-2 loss to Brazillico away, and Westley Stjepan, the venerable midfielder whose scored more than his share of goals in his World Cup life, was named interim player-manager. Svecia came to town, and many regarded this game as the make or break for the Stars' tatters of a qualifying effort, and they certainly proved they could do it.

In the first half, the Stars came out gunning. Using a new 3-5-2 highly attacking formation, the Stars managed to control the ball and create a sort of pressure cooker around the box, where the ball just kept getting blasted harder and harder. Finally, the pressure was too much as Duncan Garrett, getting his first start for the Stars this season, put home an absolute cannon of a shot from the eighteen. The Stars continued the attack, but wouldn't come near the goal again in the first half. the second half was the same story, with about ten minutes of hard, hard pressure from the highly strengthed midfield, but then Svecia managed to counter, but never erally threatened the Stars goal.

After the game, Stjepan said that he would continue to use a toned down version of the 3-5-2 formation for the remainder of qualification. "Too many times we were caught too far up, trying to press the advantage to far. With this new formation, we will be able to control the midfield and allow for a forward midfielder or winger as well as a defensive one, but still maintain the same offensive power under the 3-4-3 formation."

THE LOWLAND CLANS - 1
Garrett, 19th

SVECIA - 0

NOTE: Please change my modifier to +1 for remainder of the qualifiers

Dancing In The Streets!!!

This is Kellan Kildan of the ASMV News Network with a VERY SPECIAL broadcast.

Today a miracle happened. Our very own Sea Dragons defied all of the odds
and defeated the unbelievably mighty DaWhoselinePeople. Some had begun to believe that the unranked powerhouse could not be defeated. ASMV has proved those people wrong today. What is even more unbelievable iss that ASMV was finally on the better end of a 2-1 score. Millions of people have made their way into the streets and literally shut down all activity in the nation except celebration.

The Sea Dragons fell behind early, as DWP scored 5 minutes into the match.
Pablo Iglesias evened the score in the 19th minute on a blistering shot that ricoched off the DWP keeper and into the net. The remainder of the match was rather dull until phenom Porche Alexander sealed the game on a penalty kick during stoppage time in the 92nd minute. No one here cares about the details though. All that matters is the Sea Dragons got their first win of the qualifiers.

Next up is the team from Adam Island. All hopes are that the team can build upon todays success and achieve another 3 points.

In other news from Group 9, spoiler RykyuDaitoKazanNampo hammered Spaam 4-1. This was no surprise as they have done this all along looking much better than their 136 ranking
Nedalia finally lived up to its 27th ranking by stealing a win over TnUI the 7th ranked team, 2-1
Hockey Canada faltered a bit as Eauz cruised to a 3-1 victory.
And Yafor 2 gained some badly needed points at the expense of Adam Island

GROUP 9
RyukyuDaitoKazanNampo 4 Spaam 1
Nedalia 2 Total n Utter Insanity 1
Hockey Canada 1 Eauz 3
Andossa Se Mitrin Vega 2 Da WhoseLine People 1
Yafor 2 2 Adam Island 0

Stars need one to get past 5CN

WOODSTOCK (ASP) -- After the first meeting between the Sarzonian national football team and Five Civilzed Nations ended in a 1-1 draw, the Stars went to the tapes of that match to look at what they did wrong. The team decided it had to tighten their defence and not make "stupid mistakes," according to defender and team captain Trevor Crenshaw.

The Stars obviously were listening. They held Five Civilized Nations to three shots on goal and aggressively marked the ball at almost every turn, drawing comparisons to the "ninety minutes of hell," they played when Coach Barry Owens played for the Stars under Bryan Marshall. This Stars unit defeated Five Civilized Nations 1-0 in front of 51,093 at Bryan Marshall Stadium in Woodstock, putting the team six points clear of second place. More importantly, the Stars are nine points clear of Five Civilized Nations for a berth in Kaze Progressa.

"It was definitely a statement game," Owens said. "We wanted to come out and play a game worth our ranking." The world's number one ranked team is still behind Bedistan for the best overall record in World Cup XXV qualifying, but Owens said the team isn't worried about where they are in comparison to the Lions.

"We saw in World Cup XXIII that a dominating mark during World Cup qualifiers means little when you get to the groups stage or the knockouts," he said. "[The Stars] had one draw throughout that qualifying campaign. They scored a crapload of goals and earned 40 points out of 42. That team barely slipped through the groups stage and then lost to Rejistania in the semifinals."

The team's message was clear. The team can't rest on its laurels during World Cup qualifying. It's got to do the job in the World Cup proper. The Stars (9-3-0, 30 points) seems to be rounding into form in its first World Cup under Owens.

"We're starting to get used to what he expects and what's different from Dave Wilson's expectations of us," Crenshaw said. "We still run basically the same system, but there are subtle differences."

For the Stars' parts, they're also keeping an eye on their former coach. Dave Wilson's Hypocria national team notched a clean sheet against Giant Zucchini, winning 2-0 but the Hyppos are still nine points behind the third and final qualifying spot. The team is hoping that Hypocria can still advance to the World Cup finals, but they realise the going would be tough.

"It's a disappointment," midfielder Jenna Raven, who scored the Stars' only goal, said. "We want them to do well. We'd be cheering them on if they made it and we didn't."

"It's going to take time," forward Brian Wilson said. "He's going to have to build something for the future there. They're showing good signs, but Rome wasn't built in a day. We took three World Cups before we advanced to the Finals and then three Cups before we got to the knockouts." Brian Wilson also said the team made its breakthrough in its fourth World Cup after advancing to the Finals for the first time, in Dave Wilson's fifth World Cup as head coach.

The Minister of Morale, Theodore St-Jean, was a very efficient manager, but a very nervous man. His nerves had gotten the best of him on his way to the Paladin Dome, and he had rear-ended a city bus. Although everyone concerned (except for the minister's car) was fine, filing reports and the like took up all his time, and he was stuck at the police office while the Paladins squared off against the Caprine States.

About two hours later, when he figured that match was done, he called his aide's cell.

"Hello?"

"Marcel, is that you?"

"Yes, Monsieur le Ministre. What can I do for you?"

"Where are you, Marcel?"

"I am in the parking complex beneath the Dome. Is everything alright?"

"Yes, although I'll be in this damn station for another hour. So the match is over? The match that we could not afford to lose if we seriously desired to qualify?"

"Yes, sir."

"And we scavenged a point, right, Marcel?"

"Umm..."

"You know, against that team we upset at their pitch, that was ranked below us in the standings..."

"Sir, I am afraid to inform you that we have [static] like Paris Hilton on camera."

"Merde."

"That's not the best, either. I got a call from my cousin Alexandre, over in Krytenia covering the Aces-El Cid game. Apparently the Lions pulled one out, and are ahead of us in the standings, just as the Caprine States now are."

"So we are relegated to fifth?"

"Yes, sir. But apparently, the good news it that LE is now called the Terminators, as Paladins was their former team name. So we are unique."

"Bugger uniqueness if we are in fifth place. Inform Mr. Branstone that we will not stand for another fifth-place finish this World Cup."

"Yes, Mr. Minister."

"Thank you, Marcel. Send a cab to the central police station in about an hour."

"Yes, Mr. Minister."

"A plus tarde, Marcel."

Casari4sport

500 Dance continues but this time with a much more amazing win
4th place finish the current hope and also within reason

Last time the Tigers ran into Cockbill Street it ended in a decisive loss for Casari, just like all the reporters we able to predict. Today however, had the same prediction and a similar result.

The pitch was in as horrible shape as it was previously, with constant clouds and rain showers for several days before the game which reduced the pitch to a muddy disaster in the area and reletively firm around the middle. Plans are already in place to get the pitch relaid to improve drainage, but in the meantime, the disaster area in the middle of the pitch remains in existance.

Therefore, another tense game of trying to volley it over the slow parts of the pitch and break free of the defense quickly began with almost no play going through the middle after the first 10 minutes.

Casari used the conditions to capitalize quickly, with Nike Newberry able to break away from his mark on a volley and charge the net, putting one in at the 18th minute. Another lucky deflection ended at the feet of Ronal on the 23rd, letting him put it in for the second goal of the match.

Halftime came and passed while the crowd managed to work itself into an emotional high, cheering and starting vulgar chants of joy, refrencing other teams in the group and stating how horrible they are at sports in various vulgar terms, and after than, focusing on Karelans and Group leaders.

During the 50th minute final scores started coming in from around the footballing world, garnering particular interest at Alasdair's loss to Praying2God, leaving them only 2 points ahead and well withing striking distance with upcoming games against Revolutionarian Island and Michael Stricklandttttt.

Meanwhile it was mostly done down on the pitch, as Casari continued to exploit the wet conditions by getting Saienz a goal as well, putting them up 3-0 at Full time.

http://bellsouthpwp.net/h/a/harleyt_1387/bsd_banner.png

Qualified already?

SONOMA CITY -- Yes, that's right, folks. After an emphatic 3-0 win over Lovisa, one of only two nations that has ever scored four goals in a World Cup match against us (the other being the Eagles Nest), the Bedistan Lions have officially clinched a spot in the group stage of World Cup 25.

"But wait," I hear you say. "Aren't there still six matches to go? Surely nobody can have qualified yet, and certainly not us!" But no, we're not making this up - we are now an incredible nineteen points ahead of fourth-placed Nanakaland, and only eighteen points can be obtained in the remaining six matches. This is without question the earliest a Bedistani team has ever secured qualification, and might possibly be the earliest that any nation has done so. General public opinion throughout Bedistan says that team manager Kenter Surf should be knighted, if such a distinction existed here.

Currently no other team can secure qualification until matchday fourteen, as no other first-place team currently leads fourth place by more than twelve points - not even 11-1-0 Squornshelous.

Joe and Trevor were just a couple of normal young boys walking around Kirkanden, a town in the northern hills of Druida, when...

"You wanna do something different today?"

"Like?"

"Well, there's not all that much to do in Kirkanden, is there?"

"But where else can we go?"

"How about we go climb a hill?"

"Yeah!"

And so they did. Off they went into the hills, leaving their town further and further behind them.

- - -

"Do you think we're in Hockey Canada by now?" Trevor was starting to get tired.

"Probably. Soon."

"How far do you think we've come?"

"Ooooh. A thousand miles!"

"WOW! How long have we been going?"

"About..." hea looked at his watch. "...an hour."

"So we've gone at a thousand miles an hour then?"

"OK. Maybe we've only gone a hundred miles."

"OK."

They walked on a little further, until...

"Who's that man down there?"

"Just a farmer."

"He's not. I know him from somewhere. Think he was on the telly."

"Really?"

"Yeah!"

"WOW! Do you think they're making a telly film up here? Hey, we might become telly stars!"

"No. He was on the news."

"Oh."

"He's a drunk man called Ed."

The man Joe was referring to was, of course, Ed Wilson, leader of the Free Alcoholic Army. Trevor was more excited that he'd seen a TV star. Well, of sorts.

"HEY! ARE YOU THE GUY OFF THE TELLY?!?!?"

Wilson turned around and ran towards them. He didn't looked to pleased with the lads.

"WHAT DO YOU THINK YOU'RE DOING?"

"Why are you whispering?" Joe asked.

"Sssshhh! Don't let anyone hear you."

"Why? Are they filming?"

"Well..." Ed thought for a moment. "Yes. They're filming."

"WOW!"

"But I thought you were the man on the news?"

"Uh... I... am."

"So what are you filming?"

"We're... uh... on a top secret mission."

"WOW!"

"Doing what?"

"Well, it's a long story. But once upon a time, there was a game called Dodgeball:Goliath. Do you know what that is?"

The boys shook their heads.

"Well, what happened was people in all different parts of Atlantian Oceania fired these huge balls across the region trying to hit each other and win points. Only it hurt a lot of people and squashed them. So they stopped it."

"Who stopped it?"

"The government. But nobody knows what they did with the dodgeballs. The thing is, our FAA intelligence... I mean, our team of reporters found some documents telling us where they put them. It is round here somewhere. But we can't make any noise, or the guards will shoot you."

"WOW!"

"Can we come on your adventure?"

"If you like."

And so the boys followed Wilson.

- - -

"If you're filming for TV, then where's the cameras?"

"Ssshhh! They're hidden cameras. You don't think they'd let us anywhere near them with a big camera, would you?"

"No."

"Right. Now hang on a sec... Look down there."

Wilson pointed over the hill. Sure enough, up ahead was a road with a security gate on it.

"Now, you two had better go. We can't be letting you get in the way of it all now, can we?"

"S'pose."

"D'you want a quick autograph before I go?"

"OK."

Wilson pulled out two pieces of paper, signed them, and gave them to the lads.

"Now, you two mind how you go, yeah?"

And he ran off towards the secure site.

"We got..." Trevor checked the piece of paper to see exactly who's autograph he had got. "...Eric Tree's autograph!"

"But that wasn't Eric Tree."

"Then who was he?"

"I don't know. But I think we should get off home now. It'll be getting dark soon!"

"Really?"

"Yeah. It's after three o'clock!"

And so off they wandered, back in the direction they had come from.

RORDIA STILL IN THE HUNT!

With two-thirds of the World Cup qualifying campaign gone, Rordia still have a mathematical chance of making the top three of their group.
Their record so far is WON 2, DREW 3, LOST 7, GD -6, POINTS 9. No wonder that their manager John Swift is impressed!
He said: "We've really taken to this competition like a duck to water. We may be 9th in our group, but we have really surprised our fans. If we can continue to defy the odds, then I don't see why we can't qualify for the NEXT World Cup."
The Ballerinas' next match is at home to Tadjikistan; the group's joint leaders. When Rordia last met them, they came back with only a 1-0 loss.
Captain John Greenston said: "We can't expect to beat Tadjikistan. But we will be determined to get a good result against them. Anything is possible!"
A win over the giants could see them go as high as 6th! And if the giant killing does take place, expect a national holiday to be declared throughout Rordia.

Everything back to normal, as Ariddia loses match

In an exceptionally high-paced game, Ariddia lost at home to Alan Shearer Heaven by two goals to four. Ue Alt scored the opening goal, in the thirty-sixth minute, raising the tantalising hope that the team might just pull off a third consecutive win. Those hopes were dashed, however, as Ariddia was down 1-3 by the sixty-ninth. A penalty kick by Clément was saved by the ASH keeper five minutes after that, and even an impressive goal by Ramirez – her first ever in the red and black kit – was not enough to regain the lead. The Rouge-et-Noirs finished on a rather disappointing 2-4.

“We knew our strategy was risky and might weaken our defense, which has been exceptionally solid until now,” coach Adam Seul commented. “Of course, it didn’t help that Yves [al Jahdali] was injured just fourteen minutes into the game, and had to leave the field. But on the whole it wasn’t a bad performance.”

On the positive side, the team have now scored five goals in the second half of the qualifying stages, which means that both Frédéric Clément and E Lel will stay on for the next World Cup. The two had said they would resign if they were unable to meet that theoretically easy target.

“We honestly didn’t expect to manage it so soon,” Lel admitted. “So yes, we’ll be staying. If the coach wants us to, of course.”

Seul also pointed out that Ariddia was not yet officially eliminated, whereas five other teams now are.

“So we’ve not done that badly. We’re fairly confident we can make it at least to the eighth place in our group.”

For now, Ariddia remains last in Group 3, and on the verge of being eliminated.

thsd:NEWS
Please Do Not Adjust Your Set
By Daniel Wheldon in An Archy

NOW we're talking. OK, so we're not talking quite as well as our already-qualified northern neighbours, but a World Cup wouldn't be the same without Bedistan so we'll let them off. Krytenia got their World Cup wagon rolling again with a three-nil pasting of the wallpaper that is An Archy.

The An Archists were too busy fighting amongst themselves (there was even a small fire at some point, which caused a few extra minutes stoppage time) to really care, and after the returning Kennedy, Spivey and Keda helped themselves to a goal each they sat back and passed the ball around well away from the chaos at the other end.

New Montreal States may actually be a challenge, but a confidence-boosting win could now give the Aces the edge in Ousevale. See you there!

AN ARCHY - 0


KRYTENIA - 3
Keda 4
Kennedy 9
Spivey 11

SCORERS
G. Kennedy: 14
R. Spivey: 8
K. Keda: 4
P. Neasden: 2
S. Ziov: 2
N. Caraiani: 1
D. Signoriello: 1
C. Stevenson: 1
J. Terezzi: 1

QUALIFYING SCHEDULE
MD1: A v CAP L 0-1
MD2: A v ECH W 3-0
MD3: H v ANA W 5-0 (Mellion Lane, Davisham)
MD4: A v NMS W 3-2
MD5: H v TGD W 4-1 (The Mound, Secklow)
MD6: A v PGJ W 2-0
MD7: H v NCR W 3-0 (Brecklands, Linford)
MD8: A v BET L 3-4
MD9: H v TON W 5-0 (Sixways Stadium, Avidia)
MD10: H v CAP L 2-3 (Oxley Park, Everton City)
MD11: H v ECH L 1-2 (Mercia Stadium, Bromham)
MD12: A v ANA W 3-0
MD13: H v NMS ????? (Denbigh Park, Ousevale)
MD14: A v TGD ?????
MD15: H v PGJ ????? (Walton Gardens, Simpson)
MD16: A v NCR ?????
MD17: H v BET ????? (Davis Memorial Stadium, Everton City)
MD18: A v TON ?????

CAFE: N v FMJ ?????

Alexandria Times-Post-Gazette-Chronicle-Journal-Enquirer

Sports Section

A win, a loss, and a smashing

In their last 3 matchdays the Milchama Warriors have experienced very different emotions from happiness with their win over Limbrogdilia to complete dejection following yesterday's smashing at the hands of Liverpool England. The win and two losses put Milchama at 14 points in 6th place two points behind 5th place Israel4ever! and 8 points behind 4th place Oglethorpia. Coach Jonathan Fairbanks said, "Well we are not going to qualify for WC25 but next World Cup I think we will be able to do it. The thing now is to finish in 5th place and get a good start for the Cup of Harmony where I believe we can do better than last time." Now we will do a how Milchama scored for all 3 games while completely ignoring the opposition scorers:

Game 1 Limbrogdilia:

43rd Minute: Kunalin looking for a way to tie up the score. Passes to Copperlee who shuffles up the wing looking for an outlet, he's forced to go back to Flinters who has to pass over to Rintell who looks in and Shoots... AND SCORES!!!! GOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOAL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! 1-1 what a tieing strike.
62nd minute: Kilinin again bringing some offense for the Warriors. She has been incredible when she has been in. Here she comes again side steps one defender passes off to Faren who looks for Floren but can't find him so he crosses to Bantin who heads it INTO THE NET! GOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOAL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! That did not look like a shot from Bantin but the Limbrogdilia keeper misjudged it and the ball went strait into the net to make it 2-1 Milchama.
Final Score:
Milchama 2 (Rintell 43 Bantin 62)
Limbrogdilia 1 (Frenchman 4)

Game 2 Oglethorpia:

82nd Minute: Still down 1-0 despite outshooting the Ostriches 12-10 the Milchamians come back for more. Floren takes the ball down the flank as Bantin tries to settle in the middle. Floren now passes back to Faren. J.J. Faren now waits a second creates some space and now cross- no spurts from the edge of the box the Ostriches defense in complete dissaray passes thru to Flinters GOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOAL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! What a play by J.J. Faren. He looked like he was going to cross the ball but instead went inside the box to find Darian Flinters unmarked and wide open to tie the game up at 1.
Final Score:
Oglethorpia 2(Midfielder 34 Kremlov 89)
Milchama 1 (Flinters 82)

Game 3 Liverpool England

2nd Minute: ...Flinters rushes up the field quickly looking for an outlet and finds in in the form of Marc J. Floren who shoo- no goes past a defender and now Shoots AND SCORES! GOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOAL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Floren gives Milchama the early lead with a nice strike 1-0 Warriors.
89th Minute: The game is already dead but the Warriors continue to fight. Feders to Faren to Floren to Flinters to Martin who passes back to Faren who crosses the ball in the middle and there is Marc J. Floren, he rises up above the LE defenders and SCORES! His second goal of the day its now only 6-2 Liverpool England.
Final Score:
Liverpool England 6 (Owen 5, 26, 37, 64 Gerrard 12 46)
Milchama 2 (Floren 2, 89)

The Nedalia Lions

NEDALIA: 2 (Point, Nene)
TnUI: 1

Leave it to the Lions to lose to seemingly every unranked team alive but turn around and defeat perhaps the biggest name in Group 9, Total n Utter Insanity. With hope slipping further and further away from Nedalia, the fans still packed into Kafra International Stadium in hopes of finding a way of willing there seemingly unmotivated team to victory. It wasn’t pretty, but at the end of the Matchday 12, the Lions have grabbed an important 3 points from the unlikeliest of sources.

More importantly, however, is the fact that Randy Gamman will be able to brush off some of the pressure that has been mounting on his shoulders. Even though the Lions remain in 8th after the victory, Gamman can use the victory to spearhead an unlikely comeback that might see the Lions pushing for a place in the World Cup. With 6 matches to go, anything is possible, even if it is somewhat improbable.

It didn’t look good for the Lions when TnUI opened up the scoring just 11 minutes into the match, and it looked like it was going to be another disappointing episode for the national team. The TnUI pressure lasted all the way to the end of the 1st half, with the Lions playing defensively and hardly putting two passes together. They exited to their lockers with a look of absolute dejection, and that’s where the magic began.

About two minutes into the halftime break, the crowd began to sing the Nedalian national anthem over and over again. The singing began catching on with the rest of the stadium, and by the time the team had come out back into the pitch, the stadium began erupting. A section of the crowd, to the opposite of where the players come out from their lockers, had gotten a hold of a huge Nedalian flag, and draped it over them when the team came out to play the 2nd half. It was moment that any Nedalian would’ve been proud of, and the Lions responded accordingly. With a 51st minute goal by Innit Point and a 77th minute goal by Nene, the Lions fought their way to victory thanks to the will of the crowd.

“When I came out of the locker, my head was down and I really felt it was the end of the campaign for us,” stated goalscorer Nene. “But when we walked up the steps into the pitch, the sight was just amazing. I remember getting goosebumps seeing that giant Nedalian flag, and with the crowd singing the national anthem, it was the push we needed.”

“It made me proud to be Nedalian; the fans are the reason we won today. They would not allow us to fail,” declared substitute Mattan.

Whatever the reason was, the Lions played with the vigor and flair that has eluded for many matches this campaign. Some suggest that they may have found their swagger a little too late, but you won’t find a Nedalian not crossing his fingers and hoping for a miraculous comeback from a team capable of miracles.

Two more wins put Vikings closer to qualifying

With two more matches in the record books, a fast 3-1 win at System Karela despite the presence of millions of va'karela'ny. Mike Nolan, Laura Boyd, and Dave Daniels each put one through the Karelan Wall and helped get 3 points for the Vikings.

When the Vikings returned home against Israel4Ever, high expectations were placed on the guys in green to score a new record of goals, but the other team had their own ideas. Just like in the first match, Israel4Ever played solid defense and limited the Vikings chances, but Mike Nolan again showed why he is the number one scorer in Fmjphoenix by taking his lone shot and powering it through for the 1-0 shutout win.

With a few suprising matches in the past two days including Druida losing out to System Karela 2-1, the tables have changed a little bit. Liverpool England has regained first place of Group 3, whil Druida moved back to second place. Fmjphoenix still sits in third with Oglethorpia looking to try and move up being close in 4th place. The Terminators are only 2 points ahead of Druida, and only 1 more added to that over Fmjphoenix. Oglethorpia is 3 points behind Fmjphoenix, but are definetly not out of it next. Next up for the Vikings is Alan Shearer Heaven. Last match the Vikings dropped 4 on ASH in Viking Stadium, and the thousands of fans planning on making the trip out to ASH are looking for more of the same.

Fmjphoenix Vikings
World Cup 25 Qualification Schedule
MD01: Fmjphoenix @ Druida 1-3 Loss
MD02: Fmjphoenix vs System Karela 4-0 Win
MD03: Fmjphoenix @ Israel4Ever 1-0 Win
MD04: Fmjphoenix vs Alan Shearer Heaven 3-1 Win
MD05: Fmjphoenix @ Milchama 2-0 Win
MD06: Fmjphoenix vs Limbrogidlia 4-0 Win
MD07: Fmjphoenix @ Oglethorpia 2-6 Loss
MD08: Fmjphoenix vs Liverpool England 1-2 Loss
MD09: Fmjphoenix @ Ariddia 1-0 Win
---------------------------------------
MD10: Fmjphoenix vs Druida 1-1 Draw
MD11: Fmjphoenix @ System Karela 3-1 Win
MD12: Fmjphoenix vs Israel4Ever 1-0 Win
MD13: Fmjphoenix @ Alan Shearer Heaven
MD14: Fmjphoenix vs Milchama
MD15: Fmjphoenix @ Limbrogidila
MD16: Fmjphoenix vs Oglethorpia
MD17: Fmjphoenix @ Liverpool England
MD18: Fmjphoenix vs Ariddia

Cafe: Fmjphoenix vs Krytenia
---------------------------------------
Record: 8-1-3

Viking Goalscorers:
Nolan 10
Ijanaeil 4
Boyd 4
Jenkins 3
Daniels 2
Brown 1

The Attack Returns

Defense slips up against Adrasuvare but is bailed out by the strikers
Squornshelous' match against Adrasuvare started on an extremely worrying note, with goalkeeper Oliver Daniels letting in a sloppy goal early. With the poor play of the Pschychoes' attack in recent matches, it was very nerve wracking to see if Squornshelous would be able to respond. The half ended 1-0 in favor of the visitors. The home crowd was uncharacteristically quiet as the second half of play began, and the team had to work hard to create their own momentum. However, they pulled together and scored early in the half, with Mostafa Ogbadan beating a defender one one one and putting the ball past the keeper low in the corner. With the score tied and the Pschychoes controlling play the crowd gradually started to get back into it, and when Franz Persson scored on a corner kick, heading the ball behind the keeper, they were as loud as ever. With their momentum rolling, Squornshelous put an insurance goal in late, with Drew Nelson tapping the ball in after recieving a rebound from an otherwise beautiful save of a killer shot from Petr Skritsch.

Final Score:
Squornshelous 3-1 Adrasuvare

Scoring Summary:
AD: (player) [12]
SQ: Ogbadan [51]
SQ: Persson [67]
SQ: Nelson [80]

"Where have you two been?"

Joe's mother didn't look too pleased. Her son had been out all day. She'd been worried about what might've happened to him and his young friend.

"Out."

"Well next time you go out, tell me where you're going, OK? Me and your father were worried sick! We almost had to call the police!"

"Sorry, mum!"

"Now, go to your room. Trevor, I've called your mum to tell her what's been going on."

"No you haven't. She's dead."

"She is?"

"Yeah. I live with my older brother."

"Oh."

"And he said I can stay the night if you'll let me."

"Oh. OK. Well get upstairs then!"

And so the boys rushed upstairs.

"Joe, your mum's silly!"

"I know! Last week I told her that my arm fell off at school and the needlework teasher sowed it back on. And she believed me!"

- - - - - - -

Next morning...

The Daily Druid

DODGEBALLS STOLEN!
By Casey Dussett

After being kept safe at a secret location for over twenty years, the giant dodgeballs used in the game Dodgeball:Goliath have been stolen from their secret location somewhere... well, somewhere in Druida.

"There was nothing we could do about it!" said Trevor Manannd, one of the guards on the site. "He had guns and everything. He almost shot my colleague, Trevor. I mean, it's not as if we can call the police or anything. This is a secret location. They wouldn't have been able to find us!"

Almost all of the dodgeballs were seized by a group thought to be part of the Free Alcoholic Army. All we can say is that, if this is the case, then absolutely nowhere in Druida is safe.

"Ra~e'he?" asked a voice on the telephone when Hatime I Ra~e answered it. The rejistanian national coach knew at once, it was someone, who was not in the least rejistanian, but still somehow managed to get into possession of his top secret number. The name was pronounced very wrongly and the caller did not say the full last name. Well, maybe he should have payed the telephone company better since it appeared he was outbribed.
"Su?" He asked.
"Mr. Ra~e, I am pleased by the level of attack you showed in the last match against Brazillico! But you can surely do better!" The caller spoke English, but he slow and good to understand so Hatime I Ra~e could understand him.
"I do ze zinhs, whish make Junis-Omeh'ny win!" answered I Ra~e'he.
"Well, I am sure, that you could decide for a more attacking formations and the 'Junis-Omeh'ny' would still win!"
"Vat iz, jou reverrinh to?"
"I want to make you an offer! I want you to promote 'System Imdilia' and would 'compensate' you."
"Vo are jou?"
"I am a member of the anti-karelan resistance!"
"I am karelan!"
"You are not! We know of your Imdilan tendencies!"
"jou call too la~et. I am no lonher ineterested i~ln Imdila!"
"You will be, for the right... how do you say? eha?"
"Eha is value. Ve sa~e kita vor, jou mean it!"
"Well, we offer you 'kita' directly proportional to the number of strikers, you field!" the caller told him a 'nice' amount.
"Ziz is diverente, zen! Ve do have a deal!"
Conditions were agreed on and then the call ended.

Some information on how I transliterate how I Ra~e speaks: the j is like the French j. i~l is an i with rising tone.

Cuation lose but stay in seventh

The Cuation team have reached their goal of being in seventh place but only by goal diffrence, they have to keep working to try and get some good form going. Kipto-Mare are still within reach and the attempt to overtake them will focus the players.

Against Nankland, the team put in a decent performance but never really looked enough to draw, though unlucky when a fierce Asthon effort hammered the post early on. However by half time, a well plaaced shot had put Cuation 1-0 down.

In a boring second half, Cuation let in another goal after poor marking at a corner, then tried to attack but never really broke down the opposition. In the end it took a cynical tackle from Roy Ferguson to prevent the team going 3-0 in the last minute

Bedistan are through in our group

The unbeaten team in group seven have qualified deserdly and the Cuation players is delighted to have faced such a skilled team. Hopefully they will rest their players thus saving Cuation from another humliating defeat but they coul easily go on to finish unbeaten in the group.

OOC: This is a System Karela post, please count as such! The forums made problems!

IC:
"Xen'aru xamjona, il'ki!
Ji xen'ki'divensi tesha'ki
Xen'aru xamjona, xen'aru xamjona,
nilha'jet hetaki! Xen'ki'aru xamjona tekne!"

The System Karelan fans chanted in joy over the rather takilan result against Druida. Many fans came dressed as monks so a small group of monks from Rejistania and System Karela did not raise any suspicion. The Karelan monks watched the match and later started doing what they really intended: Finding Margaret's reincarnation. They followed the way, the pendulum showed until they landed in a small town in the middle of nowhere.

Monk Taka: Where are we here?
Monk Syku: The place has a mock Welsh name, we wouldn't be able to pronounce it anyways.
Monk Taka: Well, you are sure this god-forsaken kalesa is it?
Monk Nenelali: It is most likely!
Monk Ida: "Morton Harkett" is the name. From numerologic viewpoints, it is ideal!
Monk Nenelala: This is another proof.
The Monks walked through the town. Nenelali, the seleken, had his pendulum in his hand but did not use it yet. In a small side street nearly at the end of the town, they heard a small child shouting several words, a child in this age is not supposed to know at her mother. As the monks listened, they heard that the mother took the chicken plushie of the kid. Nenelali asked th spirits, but it was already clear before she did so: This girl was the reincarnation of Margaret. The karelan Monks decided to contact the parents on the next day so they allow the girl is raised in the temple.

Canucks picking up momentum

Matchday 10:

Hockey Canadian fans took to the streets when they saw the latest standings for Hockey Canada: in a good qualifying position. The Canucks waited for the Spaam national team for the second half of the World Cup qualifying round and weren't disappointed. A 4-1 slaughter of Spaam saw Kulkarni's 2nd World Cup hattrick and Perrault's scoring streak come to 6 games. Fans got more drunk than most others did (maybe Druida) making the win more and more sweet as the game dragged on. Hockey Canadian physical play saw Spaam players end the game with a few bumps and bruises softening them up for their next game

Hockey Canada- 4
Spaam -1

Matchday 11:

Hockey Canadian fans had all the more reason to celebrate when the Canucks travelled to Total n Utter Insanity for an eversweet win. The Canucks played brilliantly despite recieving a few yellow cards. Physical play seemed to intimidate the Total n Utter Insanity players along with the Hockey Canadians' size and strength. Kulkarni netted a brilliant bicycle kick goal off a corner kick accidentally landing on a Toal n Utter Insanity player. Perrault scored on his usual rocket shot from way far out. Thomas even managed to score when the Canucks had a free kick late in the game. All-in-all the Canucks actually had 1st place in Group 9 after this.

Hockey Canada- 3
Total n Utter Insanity- 1

Matchday 12:

The celebrations didn't last forever though; because a visiting Eauz team saw Globen Arena-Stadium and knew it would be theirs for the taking. Sloppy Hockey Canadian play and most-likely hangover prevented players like Broflovski, Kansu, Perrault, Kulkarni and Thomas from performing to their ability. Two quick goals from Eauz players deflated the Hockey Canadian confidence as only Perrault scored to make his scoring streak to eight games. A late Eauz goal left the fans in a shitty mood.

Eauz- 3
Hockey Canada- 1

Next up for Hockey Canada are surprise upstarts Da WhoseLine People. They managed to hold a 5th place spot for a while. The Canucks are looking for three points and more to add to their impressive Goal Differential. There is a real battle for first place between Hockey Canada, Eauz and Total n Utter Insanity. The Canucks are tied in points with Eauz while TnUI sits only 1 point behind but with less-impressive GD. GO CANUCKS!!!

GROUP 9
Pos Team P W D L F A GD Pts
1 Hockey Canada 12 7 3 2 21 10 11 24
2 Eauz 12 7 3 2 19 9 10 24
3 Total n Utter Insanity 12 7 2 3 19 14 5 23
4 RyukyuDaitoKazanNampo 12 5 3 4 19 16 3 18
5 Da WhoseLine People 12 4 5 3 15 15 0 17
6 Yafor 2 12 4 3 5 12 10 2 15
7 Spaam 12 3 6 3 15 19 -4 15
8 Nedalia 12 4 2 6 23 21 2 14
9 Adam Island 12 2 2 8 6 21 -15 8
10 Andossa Se Mitrin Vega 12 1 3 8 11 25 -14 6

MD1: Hockey Canada @ Spaam (1-1 T)
MD2: Total n Utter Insanity @ Hockey Canada (Globen Arena-Stadium) (0-0 T)
MD3: Hockey Canada @ Eauz (0-2 L)
MD4: Da WhoseLine People @ Hockey Canada (Globen Arena-Stadium) (0-0 T)
MD5: Hockey Canada @ Adam Island (4-0 W)
MD6: Yafor 2 @ Hockey Canada (Globen Arena-Stadium) (2-1 W)
MD7: Hockey Canada @ Andossa Se Mitrin Vega (1-0 W)
MD8: Hockey Canada @ RyukyuDaitoKazanNampo (2-0 W)
MD9: Nedalia @ Hockey Canada (Globen Arena-Stadium) (3-1 W)
MD10: Spaam @ Hockey Canada (Irkutsk) (4-1 W)
MD11: Hockey Canada @ Total n Utter Insanity (3-1 W)
MD12: Eauz @ Hockey Canada (Irkutsk) (3-1 L)
MD13: Hockey Canada @ Da WhoseLine People
MD14: Adam Island @ Hockey Canada (Anadyr)
MD15: Hockey Canada @ Yafor 2
MD16: Andossa Se Mitrin Vega @ Hockey Canada (Globen Arena-Stadium)
MD17: RyukyuDaitoKazanNampo @ Hockey Canada (Anadyr)
MD18: Hockey Canada @ Nedalia

World Cup News
In association with Hellacious Huckleberry Gum

Group Four’s a Bore


As the qualification schedule rolls on Group 4 is fast becoming the least interesting group of them all with the top three places seemingly sewn up already. But all the Hyppos can do is keep going and they did with a 2 - 0 win over Giant Zucchini at the Hyppodrome.

It was a good result for Dave Wilson and his side for a number of reasons. Firstly it was a win, which is always nice. Secondly it was a win against the team that stuck 5 past them on matchday 3 and thirdly it was a win at the Hyppodrome, where victories have been somewhat sparse over the years.

The fans were treated to something of a rarity, a relatively comfortable victory. The first half started with both sides making probing moves into each others half before the Hyppos began to stamp some authority on the game. Marshall and Bercali were finding more and more room on the flanks and laying on chances for their team mates. Unfortunately said team mates hadn’t quite found their range yet and Rytter, Shirko and Burdali all missed good chances.

The Zucchinis finally wilted in the second half when Kreska rose highest to meet a Baxter freekick and planted an unstoppable header past Laredo. And, with five minutes left, the result was put beyond doubt. Blake played the ball forward, Shirko flicked it on and Rytter made up for previous misses with a lovely dinked finish over the advancing keeper.

Hypocria 2 - 0 Giant Zucchini

All the excitement in Group 4 is not centred around who will qualify but rather in what order they’ll qualify. Group leaders Nova Britannicus lost their unbeaten record after collapsing 4 - 1 at third placed Oaker. That result moves the Sharks level on points with the Bluebirds and they are also joined at the top by Jeruselem who won 2 - 0 in Kunar. Chicanada slipped up in the Jacobian Tribes, 2 - 1, and San-Lorenzo and Alemeinia drew 1 - 1. The bottom three have all been eliminated from contention and Kunar are clinging on by their fingernails.

GROUP 4
Pos Team P W D L F A GD Pts
1 Nova Britannicus 12 8 3 1 28 10 18 27
2 Jeruselem 12 8 3 1 23 8 15 27
3 Oaker 12 8 3 1 21 9 12 27
4 Chicanada 12 5 5 2 21 13 8 20
5 Hypocria 12 5 3 4 16 17 -1 18
6 Alemeinia 12 4 2 6 17 24 -7 14
7 Kunar 12 2 4 6 8 18 -10 10
8 Jacobian Tribes 12 1 4 7 12 21 -9 7 E
9 Giant Zucchini 12 1 4 7 13 24 -11 7 E
10 San-Lorenzo 12 0 5 7 6 21 -15 5 E

Next up Dave Wilson’s side travel south to the city of Drissa to host the Jacobian Tribes. At this stage all fans of Hypocria, and Chicanada, can do is hope for victories and pray that the top three drop some points. Although those same fans are sensible enough to know that the teams most likely to slip up are their own.

Qualification Schedule

Jeruselem v Hypocria (1 - 1)
Hypocria v Alemeinia (Drissa Sports Arena, Drissa) (3 - 1)
Giant Zucchini v Hypocria (5 - 1!)
Jacobian Tribes v Hypocria (2 - 2)
Hypocria v San-Lorenzo (Oceanside Stadium, Pylos) (1 - 0)
Kunar v Hypocria (1 - 3)
Hypocria v Oaker (Hyppodrome, Hypocrium) (0 - 2)
Chicanada v Hypocria (1 - 1)
Hypocria v Nova Britannicus (Oceanside Stadium, Pylos) (0 - 1)
Hypocria v Jeruselem (Hyppodrome, Hypocrium) (0 - 2)
Alemeinia v Hypocria (1 - 2)
Hypocria v Giant Zucchini (Hyppodrome, Hypocrium) (2 - 0)
Hypocria v Jacobian Tribes (Drissa Sports Arena, Drissa)
San-Lorenzo v Hypocria
Hypocria v Kunar (Reef Stadium, Coral City)
Oaker v Hypocria
Hypocria v Chicanada (Hyppodrome, Hypocrium)
Nova Britannicus v Hypocria

Still up there

The Tadjiks have been doing a good job, everyone had to admit it. Despite some problems against Da Philelfyan Hellcats the Tadjiks managed to regain confidence with a victory in Kericia. Now it was time to prove to the world that they had full control over their own qualification.

And what was the best way to do that? With another three points, this time from Metfield, an unknown and unranked side that had managed to stay clear of the last place. And in Tadjikistan, they showed that they had talent and the skill required to become good through a goal, late in the first half.

Unfortunatly for them (and fortunatly for the Tadjik Tigers) they could not keep the Tadjik strikers from doing the same thrice on their side. Salenko made the first Tadjik goal in the twenty-fourth minute, when he got injured and replaced by Saradov, it was Zuhurov who finished what the Salenko had started with a second goal in the first minutes of the second half.

Pliiev put his mark on this match by adding a third Tadjik goal in the last minutes after an assisting Zuhurov. Until then Metfield had made some good moves but now that the difference became to big they tried to defend what they had. So a strong opponent fought and saved its honour with a goal, without losing their sixth position in our group. There are better result than a 3-1 loss, but then we remember our first encounter with a highranked team(0-4, Eauz) and say; 3-1 isnt bad at all.

The Tadjiks kept their first place in group 1 with the Stablaydians and with Vilita's loss against Kericia, that place is safe for the time being. The Tigers wont have anything to worry about as they play against the Rordians, or do they? the Rordian team captain John Greenston said they are determined to get a good result against the Tadjiks. The Tadjik Tigers are favorites for this match but they should , once more, be careful.


GROUP 1
Pos Team P W D L F A GD Pts
1 Tadjikistan 12 9 2 1 26 8 18 29
2 Starblaydia 12 9 2 1 27 12 15 29
3 Vilita 12 7 2 3 24 16 8 23
4 Dauna Hills 12 6 4 2 15 12 3 22
5 Lethislavania 12 5 3 4 17 16 1 18
6 Metfield 12 3 3 6 13 17 -4 12
7 Kudlastan 12 3 2 7 7 17 -10 11
8 Kericia 12 3 2 7 12 27 -15 11
9 Rordia 12 2 3 7 9 15 -6 9
10 Da Philelfya Empiya 12 0 3 9 7 17 -10 3 E


Fixtures:
MD1: Da Philelfya Empiya - Tadjikistan W 0-2
MD2: Tadjikistan - Kericia W 3-0
MD3: Metfield - Tadjikistan W 0-1
MD4: Tadjikistan - Rordia W 1-0
MD5: Dauna Hills - Tadjikistan W 1-2
MD6: Lethislavania - Tadjikistan L 2-1
MD7: Tadjikistan - Vilita D 1-1
MD8: Kudlastan - Tadjikistan W 0-2
MD9: Tadjikistan - Starblaydia W 3-1
MD10: Tadjikistan - Da Philelfya Empiya D 2-2
MD11: Kericia - Tadjikistan W 0-5
MD12: Tadjikistan - Metfield W 3-1
MD13: Rordia - Tadjikistan
MD14: Tadjikistan - Dauna Hills
MD15: Tadjikistan - Lethislavania
MD16: Vilita - Tadjikistan
MD17: Tadjikistan - Kudlastan
MD18: Starblaydia - Tadjikistan

GRAHAM CITY SUN - Sports Section

The Shot Heard 'Round The World

GRAHAM CITY - Well, it's official, the Stars are back. After a veautiful upset over the Svecia Lightning, the Stars really took it the Archregimancy today, in a tense match in the Dreamed Realm. The intensity could be felt for kilometers around as millions of fans sat in stadia of all kinds around the Allied States waiting and watching eagerly as the Stars battled the monks of the Archregimancy.

The game opened with the Stars struggling to adapt to their new formation. In the eighth minute a lapse by Aineiran Aindrea led to a quick attack by the Archregimancy. Barely able to withstand the assault, a slide tackle and clear by Hosea Apagios, getting the start over Carson Lindsay, relieved the pressure momentarily. Fr Pavel intercepted the clear and wove through the right side defense, and chipped it to Fr. Polycarp who powered it in with his left foot. The Archreigmancy went up another goal after another error by Jozef Gregor, giving Fr Nicholas a clear shot at a surprised Dylan Hughes.

The Allied States were in near mourning around half-time, thinking their chances at qualification. But life sparked in the stars after Iason Spyridon came in for a limping Gary Park, who then proceeded to unleash two cannons from barely outside the eighteen. After the half, the Stars came out with incredible desire and work ethic. The errors of the first half were gone, replaced by the primal desire for success. The deluge began in the fifty-first minute, as Iason Spyridon took a one-time volley off a pass from Aineiran Aindrea and roofed it opposite corner. The second goal came scant minutes later, after a beautiful set-piece play on bicycle kick from Keefe Lavrentios.

The Stars continued their push into the second half, with Stjepan himself getting several close chances that were either post or saved brilliantly by Fr. Justinian. Realizing that this game was going to be one of the most important as the second half of qualifying enetered it's most grueling leg, The monks faught back with equal spirit. As extra time neared closing, and the legs on the field were exhausted from the rough and brutal ninety minutes, Westley Stjepan got the ball at about the thirty five yard mark. He glanced up, sweat dripping off his face, and took one step and unleashed a shot heard around the world. It drifted high, with Fr. Justinian barely able to keep track of it in the waning sunlight. As he glimpsed the ball, he realized he had made a brutal mistake, he was one step too far out.

The ball descended, dropped about just behind Justinian. It bounced once before it touched the back of the twine. And there was much rejoicing, and rumors have it that one seismic station registered a light shaking around City International Stadium, sold-out to watch the game on the jumbotron there. Be warned, group 2, we're baaaaaack...

THE LOWLAND CLANS - 3
Spyridon, 51st
Lavrentios, 58th
Stjepan, 92nd

THE ARCHREGIMANCY - 2
Polycarp, 9th
Nicholas, 22nd

“Looks like rain soon, coach.”

“Uh-huh.” Cor Bensen, head coach of the Spruitland Wabbits, didn’t glance up at the sky. He did look at the person who had spoken to him, but only because he happened to be facing in that direction. He was standing behind the goal where the team was doing set piece training, his arms folded behind his back, but his attention was focused more on the things inside his head than on what was happening on the pitch.

Simon Briers, the goalkeeper, waited for him to say something else – something like “let’s cut this training short and go inside then”, no doubt – but Cor had no intention of saying anything of the sort. And then Briers had to turn his attention to a curling shot heading for the top corner of the goal. His dive was late, and he missed the ball by a full meter. Nope, Cor would definitely not be cutting training short.

Briers was a gifted goalie, the best in Spruitland, without a doubt. But he was not having the most successful Qualifying campaign. Well, fourteen goals against in twelve matches wasn’t terrible, all things considered. But it was the nature of some of those goals that worried Cor. An in-form Briers could have cut that number in half.

He’d started off pretty well, but the home match against Trebnak had turned it around completely. Four goals against, Cor couldn’t even remember when was the last time that had happened. Two of those goals had been blatant goalie errors, and one was definitely debatable. Luckily the strikers had been in lethal form that day, scraping together a remarkable 5-4 win.

Since then, Briers’ performances had been highly inconsistent. Never absolutely terrible, sometimes even quite decent, but certainly not the goalkeeper in peek form they would need when – or if – they would qualify for the World Cup.

The last goal Briers allowed, against the aol-ly named nation of Demonlord12 – a painful slider through the legs – was a typical sign of a goalie lacking confidence. That had cost them two points, and second place in the group. And with the rematch against Trebnak up next, that was not a good thing.

Maybe I should bench him, Cor thought, but he immediately knew he couldn’t do that. Not that the backup goalies weren’t viable alternatives – both Verbeek and Verelst were perfectly capable, and more than eager, to take over. And perhaps he would have to go with one of them soon. But not against Trebnak. Trebnak was Briers’ demon in this campaign, he had to give him a chance to fight it. It could all click into place if he pulled it off.

Cor blew his whistle, and waved the lads inside. He studied Briers, who took off his gloves and collected his bottle of water from a corner of the goal.

“You up for it, Simon?”

“Sure thing, coach, no sweat.”

He gave the goalkeeper an encouraging smile and watched him head towards the dressing rooms. Hopefully he could pull it together. Briers was a professional, he knew what he was and wasn’t capable of, there wasn’t much Cor could do to raise his confidence. A little pat on the back can only do so much.

Or maybe there was something else he could do… He stood and thought about it for a good full minute, then figured it certainly couldn’t hurt. He took out his phone and speed dialed a number from one of its presets – though it wasn’t quite listed under the company’s real name.

“Linda Love’s Lusty Ladies, how can we please you?” a sweet voice answered. Cor smiled grimly, thinking of how the SFA’s accountant would not be pleased when he’d receive the invoice. Ah well, the SFA’s accountant would not be the one getting the sack when they missed qualification for the World Cup, so he could stuff it. He’d just have to list it as “motivational sessions.”

In the streets of Oiratnosk, a young boy in an old, tattered Hockey Canada jersey was alone in the streets. The boy, maybe around 6 years old or so looked as innocent as any other his age. People walked by hurridly trying to escape the cold hardly noticing him. A few hours passed and night setting in, he retreated to the outskirts of the small town where he'd play a game of ice soccer (kicking around a smooth ball of ice on an open snowfield, as the game progresses the ice picks up snow and the ball gets heavier- that's why Hockey Canadians like Yanic perrault and Rahul Kulkarni have hard shots) alone. He played for a little while looking back at the town where a bunch of fans were glued to their TV screens watching the game against Da WhoseLine People. Finally kicking the ball a little too hard, the came back at hiom with a force when it hit a snowbank. Curious, he dug into the snow to find what must've been a small treasure: a Dodgeball:Goliath ball sitting like the holy grail. The boy looked southward past the mountains to see the Druidan border, then to the east where the Hockey Canadians were expanding to Lake Bekk.

A man came running from the distance who must've been Druidan. He somehow managed to get past the drunken border and picked up the ball. Not saying a word, the man picked up th ball and looked down at the boy. A quick hesitation, and then...

The man finally held the ball back and just slammed it into the boy’s face.

“Alright!!! More points for me!”

The boy just lay where he was knocked out.

The man ran back the the Druidan border.

Titans Victorious Once Again!

The Euroslavia Titans achieved their second victory in a row, defeating Jon Parkin 2-1. Their previous match resulted in a 1-1 tie. This goes to show either a Titan improvement in their gameplay, or perhaps it was just a bad day for the team from Jon Parkin, of whom tied Sarzonia, the highest ranking team in the World Cup. If this equation works correctly, and Jon Parkin's team played how they normally do, then the Titans have a stronger chance at defeating some of the better teams in the Group, such as Five Civilized Nations and Sarzonia. A defeat of either team would be cause for a celebration in Euroslavia, seeing as the Titans are still considered a young team in the World Cup's history. Euroslavia has already lost both matches against Crystilakere. The only hope for the Titans is to advance into the next round of play, by somehow taking a lot of decisive victories, along with a lot of luck, and to face off against them in the next round.

The next two matches are against the very teams that were discussed before, Sarzonia and Five Civilized Nations. With Sarzonia at the top of the group with 30 points, it's unlikely that they will be knocked out of the race. Crystilakere has shown no signs of wavering, so their spot seems to be secure, at least to most Euroslavian sports critics. The only team that could lose their spot in the top three is Five Civilized Nations, which at this point is only one point ahead of Bakostrovia, which the Titans still have one more match against in MD16. The Titans only hope is that all three teams above them struggle, as well as Euroslavia defeating all three of them, in MD13, 16, and 17. At this point, it's a pretty long shot for the Titans to even get close to that last position for the next round, but with the two victories over Ruventsoria and Jon Parkin, there's no telling what may happen.

According to the statistics, the Titan's GD remains one of the worst in the entire World Cup, so both the offense and the defense are going to have to work in overdrive to turn that around, in case of a tie. Five Civilized Nations has quite the strong offense, so stopping them is going to be a feat in itself. The coming match will certainly be a test of true Titan might. If they can somehow pull off with a victory against them, in the very least, they could be considered spoilers for the Group, by knocking out Five Civilized Nations from the third spot, and giving Bakostrovia and even Kylaai a chance at seizing the famed last spot.

Despite the recent success, the Titans still need to watch their back, especially with PopularFreedom and Ruventsoria right behind them, by one point. With a Titan loss, Spookyville could manage to get into a tie with Euroslavia if they achieve victory in this upcoming match. Sixth place all the way to tenth place are all up for grabs, with each team not wanting to finish in the cellar of Group 5. In the very least, it's going to be an all-out battle for pride with these five teams, and with luck, the Titans can rise out of the group and put up some sort of challenge against Kylaai, Bakostrovia, and Five Civilized Nations.

GROUP 5
Pos Team P W D L F A GD Pts
1 Sarzonia 12 9 3 0 21 5 16 30
2 Crystilakere 12 7 3 2 25 9 16 24
3 Five Civilized Nations 12 6 3 3 21 10 11 21
4 Bakostrovia 12 6 2 4 18 11 7 20
5 Kylaai 12 5 3 4 21 26 -5 18
6 Euroslavia 12 3 3 6 8 22 -14 12
7 PopularFreedom 12 2 5 5 16 22 -6 11
8 Ruventsoria 12 3 2 7 10 20 -10 11
9 Spookyville 12 2 3 7 9 16 -7 9
10 Jon Parkin 12 1 5 6 9 17 -8 8


Euroslavia Titan Schedule
MD1: Home Match: Euroslavia 0 Crystilakere 3 [Loss]
MD2: Away Match: Ruventsoria 1 Euroslavia 1 [Tie]
MD3: Home Match: Euroslavia 1 Jon Parkin 1 [Tie]
MD4: Away Match: Five Civilized Nations 5 Euroslavia 0 [Loss]
MD5: Match in Liverpool England: Euroslavia 0 Sarzonia 1 [Loss]
MD6: Home Match: Euroslavia 1 Spookyville 0 [Win]
MD7: Away Match: Bakostrovia 2 Euroslavia 0 [Loss]
MD8: Home Match: Euroslavia 2 Kylaai 3 [Loss]
MD9: Away Match: PopularFreedom 0 Euroslavia 0 [Tie]
MD10: Away Match: Crystilakere 5 Euroslavia 0 [Loss]
MD11: Home Match: Euroslavia 1 Ruventsoria 0 [Win]
MD12: Away Match: Jon Parkin 1 Euroslavia 2 [Win]
MD13: Home Match: Euroslavia v Five Civilized Nations
MD14: Sarzonia v Euroslavia*
MD15: Away Match: Spookyville v Euroslavia
MD16: Home Match: Euroslavia v Bakostrovia
MD17: Away Match: Kylaai v Euroslavia
MD18: Home Match: Euroslavia v PopularFreedom

* Match location contested.

Jeruselem Government News

World Cup XV, MD XII and XIII

A wrap-up of the World Cup 25, results for MD 12 and 13 (if you can't read Roman numbers).

Chicanada - they've stumbled and choked lately. TWO LOSSES. Firstly they lost to Jacobian Tribes 1-2 which was a disaster of their own making. They played Nova Britannicus next, then lost that two. Oh dear, and guess who took advantage - Hypocria. Yes, the hyppos are back to 4th and Chicanada 5th.

NO points for Chicanada

Jacobian Tribes - ELIMINATED. Yes, they did manage a grand defeat of Chicanada 2-1 but Hypocria won 1-0 against them next game. They are out but now 9th not 10th.

A win for Jacobian Tribes, but too late

Oaker - still 3rd. Topsy turvy kind of results. They played Nova Britannicus then Jeruselem, now that's entertainment! Oaker looked back to their best when they beat top spot team Nova Britannicus 4-1 to inflict a defeat worth crowing about then Jeruselem send home a message, beating Oaker 2-0. In the end, they were still 3rd. MD12 and 13, critical to the big teams indeed.

Big games - 1 win and 1 loss

Nova Britannicus - still top. They played Oaker and Chicanada. Oaker showed why they are ranked so high but spanking the Poms 4-1 but the Poms bounced back with 2-0 win over Chicanada who had the bad time of late. Yes, while the Oaker game was setback - they are still the best team in Group 4 (just)

Big games - 1 win and 1 loss

Kunar - 7th. Jeruselem beat them 2-0 on MD12 as expected but they upset Alemeinia 2-0 later. Faint hopes but they aren't eliminated ... yet.

1 win and 1 loss

San-Lorenzo - ELIMINATED and last. Gone! While a respectable draw with Alemeinia 1-1 was rather late, they followed up with another draw against our fave veges NIL ALL.

Two draws - all for nothing

Jeruselem - 2nd. We played Kunar and won again. 2-0 was the score but when we played Oaker last time it was 1-2. This time we took all the points, another 2-0! Oaker's 2nd loss after trashing the Poms 4-1. We are looking more secure.

Two wins!

Alemeinia - 6th. Fading fast. Drawing with San-Lorenzo 1-1, didn't help them much then they lost to Kunar 0-2. At this point in time, no time for losing 5 points in two games.

1 point, sad

Hypocria - 4th. They are looking at Oaker. After brushing aside Giant Zucchini 2-0, they had to win their next game. Jacobian Tribes looked like an easy target, but they had won their last game. Hypocria did win 1-0, and are in two wins of Oaker now

Two wins - still a chance

Giant Zucchini - in the vege soup for 8th. They are eliminated. They lost to Hypocria 0-2 and drew with San-Lorenzo NIL ALL. Better luck next year, they can play better.

1 point and a carrot

Looking at the table. Nova Britannicus and Jeruselem on 9 wins, 3 draws and 1 loss. Looking good for them. Oaker 3rd with two losses, 8 wins and 3 draws - looking secure still. 4th placed Hypocria overtook Chicanada who flopped with two losses. They are two wins behind Oaker - 6 wins, 3 draws and a hurting 4 losses. Chicanada can still do it, but need help now. Good record with 5 wins, 5 draws and 3 losses of which two were recent.

MD12
Jacobian Tribes 2 Chicanada 1
Oaker 4 Nova Britannicus 1
Kunar 0 Jeruselem 2
San-Lorenzo 1 Alemeinia 1
Hypocria 2 Giant Zucchini 0

MD13
Hypocria 1 Jacobian Tribes 0
Giant Zucchini 0 San-Lorenzo 0
Alemeinia 0 Kunar 2
Jeruselem 2 Oaker 0
Nova Britannicus 2 Chicanada 0


Pos Team P W D L F A GD Pts
1 Nova Britannicus 13 9 3 1 30 10 20 30
2 Jeruselem 13 9 3 1 25 8 17 30
3 Oaker 13 8 3 2 21 11 10 27
4 Hypocria 13 6 3 4 17 17 0 21
5 Chicanada 13 5 5 3 21 15 6 20
6 Alemeinia 13 4 2 7 17 26 -9 14
7 Kunar 13 3 4 6 10 18 -8 13
8 Giant Zucchini 13 1 5 7 13 24 -11 8 E
9 Jacobian Tribes 13 1 4 8 12 22 -10 7 E
10 San-Lorenzo 13 0 6 7 6 21 -15 6 E

Woodstock Daily Mail sports column
15 November 2005

Morrie Boswell
Stars stay focused in 6-0 win

Sarzonia's away match against PopularFreedom was described by many of its players as a "potential landmine" with many supporters, including the Incorporated Sarzonian Government, more concerned about the following match against former allies-turned-enemies Euroslavia. Many of the players spoke before the game about "staying focused" and "not letting politics get in the way."

After the team's 6-0 win over PopularFreedom, I don't think this team has any problems getting focused.

The Stars (10-3-0, 33 points) tied a team World Cup qualifying record for most goals and widest margin of victory set in World Cup XXII qualifying against Nova Mercia with their 6-0 drubbing and the win combined with Crystilakere's nil-nil draw against Kylaai left the Stars eight points clear of the Crystils for first place in the group. With Five Civilized Nations and Bakostrovia both winning, the competition for the third and final spot in Kaze Progressa remains fierce.

But following the game, the Stars weren't asked any questions about a PopularFreedom side that edged ever closer to elimination from World Cup finals contention. All the media asked about was Sarzonia's "home" match scheduled for the Hyppodrome in Hypocrium.

"Once again, it's going to be a situation where the politics doesn't just underscore the football," Coach Barry Owens said. "The dominant theme of this match is going to be the politics. That's the unfortunate part of all this. We just want to play the game and let the politicians worry about the other stuff."

That doesn't seem possible, especially with the Office of External Affairs issuing an advisory "strongly discouraging" anyone from Euroslavia to fly into Sarzonia. The announcement stops just short of severing diplomatic ties with Euroslavia, but political talk show host Sean Bremer said, "they're as good as dead.

"It's going to take something along the lines of what Pacitalia did for the two countries to restore some sense of normalcy," Bremer added. "The resentment there is just too great."

That resentment appears to be rubbing off on the Stars. Team captain Trevor Crenshaw refused to speak to the media about the political tensions between the two nations, saying, "I'll address questions about their team." When two reporters didn't "take the hint," he walked out of the media room and the door to the team's dressing room slammed behind him.

"If they were angry with us over our request to have our derby played on neutral grounds, they should have addressed us like men, like adults," assistant coach Cal Trottier said. "Instead, they went whining to the media like Terrell Owens on crack. They need to get over themselves."

"They're upset that we're 'trying to run' the World Cup," forward Brian Wilson asked. "Because [Incorporated Football Federation Chairman] Terry Mangione asked to have the fixtures played at neutral sites? All Terry did was make a request. The WCC could have said no and made us play both fixtures at their original locations. We didn't compel them to play the fixtures in New Montreal States or in Hypocria. They agreed to the request."

The last word on the Stars-Titans match may not be written for months, if not years on end, but midfielder Jarret Sanderson summed up the feelings of many involved with the Stars.

I understand you're miffed, Sarzonia, but if I see you try to pull a OOC jab as an IC statement you will regret it. Either straighten up or quit like you were planning... while you were still ahead.

Pschychoes Poised to Qualify

One more point will see the Pschychoes joining the Lions
With a 5-0 thrashing of The Solar Association, Squornshelous moves to 12-1-0 in qualifying for a total of 37 points, 8 points ahead of second place Rejistania and 15 points ahead of Svecia and The Archregimancy, who are fighting over 3rd place with 22 points apiece. With just 5 matches left to play, Squornshelous can clinch the second spot in the finals as long as they earn a point, or either Svecia or The Archregimancy fail to earn a point. If Squornshelous earns one more point, they will both qualify, and clinch either a 1st or 2nd place finish in Group 2.

World Cup News
In association with Hellacious Huckleberry Gum

Hyppos Win Three on the Spin


Three matches ago, after the home defeat to Jeruselem, Hypocria looked dead and buried in Group 4. But 9 points out of 9 has seen a glimmer of hope arise for Dave Wilson and his side. The Hyppos won in Alemeinia and then beat Giant Zucchini at the Hyppodrome. A win in Drissa against the Jacobian Tribes was needed to continue the fine run and they got it. Just about.

It was one of those deeply frustrating games where the ball just refuses to cross the line. Kreska, fresh from a goal against Giant Zucchini, rattled the crossbar with a header in the first half and both Shirko and Marshall saw efforts come back of a post in the second. The Tribes keeper got in on the act too with a number of smart saves, the best of which was to tip over Bercali’s rising drive. But you know what they say, cometh the hour, cometh Marcus Baxter. With the time ticking away Bercali swang the ball into the box and the defence cleared comfortably. The ball fell, 30 yards out, to the midfielder who hit it full on the volley and wheeled away in celebration as the ball ripped into the top corner. It was a sweet strike from Hypocria’s most capped player and a goal good enough to win any game.

Hypocria 1 - 0 Jacobian Tribes

“What a hit!” Assistant coach Gregory Vidal said. “I don’t know what they’re feeding him in Bettia but since Marcus moved to the Apex League he’s been in the form of his life.”

When the other results came through the goal began even more important as it cut a 9 point deficit on third place to 6 points. Nova Britannicus still lead the way after a 2 - 0 home win over a Chicanada side that has slumped recently. Jeruselem are right on the Bluebirds tail feathers after they also recorded a 2 - 0 home win over Oaker, a result that helped Hypocria edge a little bit closer to the third placed Sharks. Alemeinia and Kunar are still hanging in there too but it was Kunar that came out on top in the match between the two sides, winning 2 - 0 in Alemeinia. In the clash of two eliminated teams San-Lorenzo picked up an away point in Giant Zucchini after a goalless draw but remain bottom of the group.

GROUP 4
Pos Team P W D L F A GD Pts
1 Nova Britannicus 13 9 3 1 30 10 20 30
2 Jeruselem 13 9 3 1 25 8 17 30
3 Oaker 13 8 3 2 21 11 10 27
4 Hypocria 13 6 3 4 17 17 0 21
5 Chicanada 13 5 5 3 21 15 6 20
6 Alemeinia 13 4 2 7 17 26 -9 14
7 Kunar 13 3 4 6 10 18 -8 13
8 Giant Zucchini 13 1 5 7 13 24 -11 8 E
9 Jacobian Tribes 13 1 4 8 12 22 -10 7 E
10 San-Lorenzo 13 0 6 7 6 21 -15 6 E
Dave Wilson’s side had to win games to have any chance of qualifying and that is what they’ve done so far. Now they have to continue the run in the next match against bottom of the table and already eliminated San-Lorenzo.

Qualification Schedule

Jeruselem v Hypocria (1 - 1)
Hypocria v Alemeinia (Drissa Sports Arena, Drissa) (3 - 1)
Giant Zucchini v Hypocria (5 - 1!)
Jacobian Tribes v Hypocria (2 - 2)
Hypocria v San-Lorenzo (Oceanside Stadium, Pylos) (1 - 0)
Kunar v Hypocria (1 - 3)
Hypocria v Oaker (Hyppodrome, Hypocrium) (0 - 2)
Chicanada v Hypocria (1 - 1)
Hypocria v Nova Britannicus (Oceanside Stadium, Pylos) (0 - 1)
Hypocria v Jeruselem (Hyppodrome, Hypocrium) (0 - 2)
Alemeinia v Hypocria (1 - 2)
Hypocria v Giant Zucchini (Hyppodrome, Hypocrium) (2 - 0)
Hypocria v Jacobian Tribes (Drissa Sports Arena, Drissa) (1 - 0)
San-Lorenzo v Hypocria
Hypocria v Kunar (Reef Stadium, Coral City)
Oaker v Hypocria
Hypocria v Chicanada (Hyppodrome, Hypocrium)
Nova Britannicus v Hypocria

Fortress Hyppodrome


When Hypocria’s national stadium was built it was intended to be a venue where the opposition would fear to tread, a fortress in which the Hyppos would reign supreme. It just didn’t quite work out that way as the recent win there over Giant Zucchini was only the second in the last eight games. But on matchday 14 the stadium will be turned into a whole different type of fortress.

On matchday 14 the Hyppodrome will host the much talked about and highly volatile Group 5 fixture between Sarzonia and Euroslavia. The escalating political tensions between the two nations has lead to the sides having to find alternative venues for their ties. Euroslavia’s “home” fixture, a 1 - 0 loss, was played in Liverpool England while the Stars will be playing their “home” game down south in Hypocrium. In a stadium where they’ve seen success in the past.

The stadium will be the site of a massive security operation on the day of the game where a huge police presence will be in place both in and around the arena. A police spokesman had this to say,

"Fans of both nations are welcome in Hypocrium. The security arrangements are strictly precautionary. We are not anticipating any trouble but we have to legislate for the possible actions of one or two idiots who may be tempted to aggravate the situation. We will be there to ensure that the travelling fans feel safe and secure and most importantly that they are able to enjoy what should be a thrilling football match."

Eliminated!
Ariddia out, but not down

A 1-4 thrashing at the hands of Milchama has put an end to whatever hopes Ariddians might still have had to see their team qualify. For the first time in the history of the Cup, Ariddia has failed to make it to the final stages.

“It shows we have a long way to go,” coach Adam Seul explained simply. “These are only the early stages. We will progress over the coming Cups. But that’ll be later. For now, this Cup isn’t over. Just because we’ve been eliminated doesn’t mean we’re not going to give our best for the remaining matches.”

And what matches those are!

“Realistically, we’ll be fortunate to gain another two points,” was defender Yves al Jahdali’s analysis. “But of course,” he added with a slight smirk, “our aim will be to win every single one.”

“We’ll be playing for honour’s sake now,” midfielder Ta I added. “And that’s easier to play for than winning. But probably a lot more important. We’re not going to make it easy for our opponents.”

Ariddia’s severe defeat was worsened after goalkeeper Sandrine Leduc was handed a red card twenty-seven minutes into the game, for accidentally kicking a Milchaman attacker in the stomach. She apologised to her unfortunate victim, but was immediately sent off, and will be barred from playing in the next two games.

Coach Seul had to pull out midfielder John Sanjeeb to send a substitute goalkeeper, Ludovic Hue, in his place. Hue had played only briefly since his humiliating experience in an earlier friendly game against Alasdair I Frosticus, but succeeded in stopping several well-placed shots, and conceded only one goal, which nonetheless gave Milchama a 2-0 lead after an earlier goal conceded by Leduc on a corner kick.

In the fiftieth minute, Hue’s ankle was injured with a nasty sprain, and he had to be replaced by Ariddia’s third keeper, Karim Chem, equally inexperienced. By the end of the game, Ariddia were down 1-4, with E Lel having been able to score a greatly needed goal in the seventy-fourth minute.

“Neither Ludo nor Karim had had time to warm up,” Seul later explained. “They weren't expecting to play. They did very well indeed, all things considered. This could have been much worse.”

It is expected Hue will be able to play Ariddia’s next match, but Leduc will have to wait until matchday sixteen before being allowed back onto the field.

Additionally, Ismail Faraj and Phillip Lukeson were each handed a yellow card, making it the most cards received by the young team in any one match to date.

“It was a chaotic game,” Seul admitted unhappily.

Pschychoes Poised to Qualify

One more point will see the Pschychoes joining the Lions
With a 5-0 thrashing of The Solar Association, Squornshelous moves to 12-1-0 in qualifying for a total of 37 points, 8 points ahead of second place Rejistania and 15 points ahead of Svecia and The Archregimancy, who are fighting over 3rd place with 22 points apiece. With just 5 matches left to play, Squornshelous can clinch the second spot in the finals as long as they earn a point, or either Svecia or The Archregimancy fail to earn a point. If Squornshelous earns one more point, they will both qualify, and clinch either a 1st or 2nd place finish in Group 2.

http://bellsouthpwp.net/h/a/harleyt_1387/bsd_banner.png

errata

Squornshelous already through
In the April 29, 2085 edition of the BSD, we made the following comment:

"Currently no other team can secure qualification until matchday fourteen, as no other first-place team currently leads fourth place by more than twelve points - not even 11-1-0 Squornshelous."

Now, one matchday later, Squornshelous is fifteen points ahead of Svecia and the Archregimancy with five matches remaining. This would indicate, as quoted in the Squornshelan media above, that Squornshelous is still one point away from qualifying. However, what they, we, and the Kaze Progressa Football Association (KPFA) have all managed to fail to take into account is that third- and fourth-placed Svecia and the Archregimancy still have to play each other on the final matchday. As a result, it is impossible for both teams to take the full remaining fifteen points, which means that the Pschychoes have in fact already secured qualification as of matchday 13 and will be joining Audioslavia, Kaze Progressa, and Bedistan in World Cup 25.

We congratulate our Squornshelan colleagues and apologize for the misinformation.

Casari4sport

Travelling fans treated to rare away performance in Revolutionarian Island
Casari bumps up to 5th and just a goal short of 4th

A rare away success today, for a Casaran side who's continued unpredictability had previously prevented them from climbing the table, lead to much rejoicing and celebration among the fans today.

"It's a very odd day when we finally manage to take home a 4-1 win, especally away." Coach hill said. "Whenever it seems like the tables are going to stay where they are, we manage to pull off a tough win and keep pushing. From here on out the schedule is definately in our favor, with 3 home games and 3 games against lesser opposition."

The celebration is expected to continue tomorrow in a home game against cellar-dweller Michael Stricklandttttt. The weather outlook seems iffy, but conditions have been improving over the past few days, leading to hope that the pitch will improve enough to not have one of the long range lobfests that Casari seems to show considerable adeptness at.

Jeruselem Government News

World Cup XV, MD XII and XIII

A wrap-up of the World Cup 25, results for MD 12 and 13 (if you can't read Roman numbers).

OOC: I can - XV is 15...

RP to follow later.

Now, one matchday later, Squornshelous is fifteen points ahead of Svecia and the Archregimancy with five matches remaining. This would indicate, as quoted in the Squornshelan media above, that Squornshelous is still one point away from qualifying. However, what they, we, and the Kaze Progressa Football Association (KPFA) have all managed to fail to take into account is that third- and fourth-placed Svecia and the Archregimancy still have to play each other on the final matchday. As a result, it is impossible for both teams to take the full remaining fifteen points, which means that the Pschychoes have in fact already secured qualification as of matchday 13 and will be joining Audioslavia, Kaze Progressa, and Bedistan in World Cup 25.

We congratulate our Squornshelan colleagues and apologize for the misinformation.

OOC: thanks for that, and congratulations Squornshelous. The software I'm using for the tables (LTrack) doesn't take situations like that into account in declaring guaranteed promotion/relegation (or in this case, qualification/non-qualification). As such there are probably at least a couple of teams who can't mathematically qualify but are assumed to have a mathematical chance on the tables. But those teams will have a nice big E on their heads after MD14 anyway :)

Golden Wolves Back In Fourth, All Games Must-Wins

Yaforite fans are, well, apprehensive about oncoming games. The Golden Wolves are set to play Total 'N' Utter Insanity (more commonly known as TnUI), Nedalia, Hockey Canada, and Spaam in their last four games. All these games the Golden Wolves must win, and Eauz must lose three out of four (presuming the Golden Wolves win all of their coming games) for Yafor 2 to qualify (if Eauz win two out of four, goal differential will decide the group). All four teams are ranked much higher than Yafor 2, two are the top in the group, Nedalia are 27th in the world, and Yafor 2 have lost to most of them. Of course, this is all speculation, and will probably not happen. And also, the Golden Wolves' next game is against Andossa Se Mitrin Vega , who are, of course, an excellent team.

Yafor 2 gained two much needed wins (as quoted from an Andossa Se Mitrin Vega paper) this week, but it will not be enough. Not only will the Golden Wolves have to play with fire and intensity, but they must give more than 100% in the oncoming games, more than what is needed. The Golden Wolves must win all of their remaining games, or else qualifying is a dream, and even now, it is a long way away.

Game 12
Yafor 2 2 - Adam Island 0

The Golden Wolves gained some pride, as they defeated an unranked team after, well, tieing them last time. The game before against them, was in Adam Island, an Adam-y place, and the Golden Wolves showed no skills at all. This time, it was only luck that kept the game from being a 10-0, or perhaps an 8-0.

The Yaforite goals were very similar. Both were scored by a Malar brother, Fernando on the first and Francisco on the second, both developed from long passing plays on the outside and back, and both involved low shots which just skimmed into the corner of the goal. In other news this Matchday, Andossa Se Mitrin Vega defeated Da WhoseLine People (2-1), a team which the Golden Wolves had (somehow!) lost to. Thanks to Andossa Se Mitrin Vega!

Game 13
Yafor 2 3 - RyukyuDaitoKazanNampo 0

It was the second 3-0 defeat of RyukyuDaitoKazanNampo by Yafor 2 and on every goal, the Zydrakos Dome went wild. When Fernando MAlar shot in the upper left, when Francisco Malar headed it in, when Captain Gerod Flamer's shot curved into the upper right had corner, the fans were there. After the game, the team applauded them, the world's best fans (except for Cubs fans!).

-Excerpt from The Ajerite Sun.

Tadjiks eliminate Rordians

While they are still first in their group (and we keep repeting that as long as we can) they are not yet in the safe zone, with Dauna Hills only seven points away. So the Tadjiks went to Rordia to win.

Rordia, a lowranked side, is close to elimination and therefore, a dangerous side to play against. Noone expects the Rordians to qualify, but that doesnt mean they wont try to take out one of the big teams, in fact, that is what they were determined to do.

The Rordians played a strong game and gave away few chances, but the Tadjiks remained superior and defeated Rordia with a single goal, a long distance shot by Pliiev. With 17 points between them and Vilita, the Rordians are now officialy eliminated.

For the Tadjiks, the situation remains more or less as it is, first place together with Starblaydia, that won its match in Da Philelfya Empiya. Vilita is still third with Dauna Hills at one point behind them. The next match however, will bring change in that top four as Dauna Hills moves to Tadjikistan for matchday 14. For the Tadjiks as well as the Vilitans this may be an important match, knowing a Tadjik victory will help the top three break away from the rest.


GROUP 1
Pos Team P W D L F A GD Pts
1 Tadjikistan 13 10 2 1 27 8 19 32
2 Starblaydia 13 10 2 1 29 13 16 32
3 Vilita 13 8 2 3 28 16 12 26
4 Dauna Hills 13 7 4 2 16 12 4 25
5 Lethislavania 13 5 3 5 17 17 0 18
6 Metfield 13 3 3 7 13 21 -8 12
7 Kudlastan 13 3 3 7 8 18 -10 12
8 Kericia 13 3 3 7 13 28 -15 12
9 Rordia 13 2 3 8 9 16 -7 9 E
10 Da Philelfya Empiya 13 0 3 10 8 19 -11 3 E


Fixtures:
MD1: Da Philelfya Empiya - Tadjikistan W 0-2
MD2: Tadjikistan - Kericia W 3-0
MD3: Metfield - Tadjikistan W 0-1
MD4: Tadjikistan - Rordia W 1-0
MD5: Dauna Hills - Tadjikistan W 1-2
MD6: Lethislavania - Tadjikistan L 2-1
MD7: Tadjikistan - Vilita D 1-1
MD8: Kudlastan - Tadjikistan W 0-2
MD9: Tadjikistan - Starblaydia W 3-1
MD10: Tadjikistan - Da Philelfya Empiya D 2-2
MD11: Kericia - Tadjikistan W 0-5
MD12: Tadjikistan - Metfield W 3-1
MD13: Rordia - Tadjikistan W 0-1
MD14: Tadjikistan - Dauna Hills
MD15: Tadjikistan - Lethislavania
MD16: Vilita - Tadjikistan
MD17: Tadjikistan - Kudlastan
MD18: Starblaydia - Tadjikistan

1 POINT IN FOUR GAMES

Death knell for NMS qualification comes at hands of Aces

OUESVALE BOROUGH, KRYTENIA - A 2-0 loss at the hands of the Krytenia Aces ended what slim hopes remained for an NMS qualification.

"Bloody hell," said coach William Branstone. "We pulled one point (at a 0-0 draw in Tonissia) out of the past four matchs. It shouldn't amaze anyone that these teams are the ones ahead of us, who will probably qualify. We need a clean sweep of the last five matchdays to have any hope of making it to KP or Audioslavia for the finals."

With the way the Paladins performed against these teams in the first nine games (2-3-0), a shot at qualifying is nigh impossible, especially as the Lions of EL CID THE HERO are making their turnabout and are charging back towards the top of the rankings. And with draws in the first half against The Gupta Dynasty and the Pagan Judeans, those teams will know that we're beatable. Even Newcommunist Republics might pull a shocker, since our offense has gone downhill faster than Sarzonia/Euroslavia relations of late.

The next match is away at An Archy, a team that should beat the Paladins, no questions asked. At least, the way things are going, they'd be disappointed not to.

2 Game Win Streak! Amazing!

After playing dead and only attaining 3 points over the first 11 games, the Sea Dragons finally lived up to their potential by way of 2 cosecutive wins. The first against DaWhoselinePeople, and now against Adam Island. Porche Alexander scored the only goal of the match in the 73rd minute. Neither game was especially pretty, but hey, wins are wins.

Earlier today Yafor 2 was quoted as needing to win their last 4 games. For ASMV that is good news, considering they face us next with 5 games remaining. We hope to capitalize on the fact that they have obviously overlooked their match against us and come away with the win. After all of the early letdowns, a 3 game win streak would be greatly welcomed.

In other news, we are still awaiting the collapse by Hockey Canada - one that they have assured us will happen. At present we just dont see how, but they are adamant on that fact.

The Bureaucratic Tribune

Oglethorpia continues to falter

SOMEWHERE (BT) -- Already looking like a Cup gone wrong, things are starting to go even worse for the previously hopeful Ostriches. With the exception of a victory vs. Milchama on matchday eleven, Oglethorpia's last six matchdays have been composed of draws and defeats; more specifically, the squad has gone a disastrous 1-3-2, and at this rate, most Oglethorpian fans now have their Ostriches in a close-but-not-close-enough-what-a-heartbreaker fourth finish in a very tough group three.

"You can tell things are going bad," started one Oglethorpian fan before his quote was split up so that he might be most specifically described simply as "a fan," "when we start sayin' 'the group's tough.' You never say the group's tough when you're doing well and on pace to qualify -- on the contrary. Sad state of affairs, that."

Said coach Torrence Black, "it really seems like if it weren't for bad luck, we wouldn't have any luck at all."

Elaborated striker Mel Memorable, "we've been down since we've begun to crawl."

"It's as if we were born under a bad sign," finished keeper Hip Replac.

Indeed, the Ostriches trail a distant six points to third place Fmjphoenix -- they need a six point swing just at this point to squeak into the first round of World Cup 25, and that's assuming the deficit doesn't grow or stagnate at its present size.

"Basically, Oglethorpia needs to win when Fmjphoenix loses -- and we've got some hard games coming up, against them, and the champs Liverpool England who i'm sure won't take another loss sitting down -- it's going to be tough to keep it at six points, and a whole lot tougher to regain all the ground and get in," said Oglethorpian Association of Football President Joe Staplin. "I frankly don't think it will happen, but we can only wait and see."

Oglethorpia suffered their third loss 4-0 to Druida. By no means has Oglethorpia had a bad run, 6-4-3 at this point in the Cup; however, it has certainly been a spotty preformance through thirteen matchdays.

"Pretty strange how we made victories against Liverpool England and Fmjphoenix, then managed a loss to Alan Shearer Heaven," said a slightly bemused Torrence Black. "I really can't explain that, but if we keep doing it, we don't even deserve to qualify."

Oglethorpia's remaining five matches (of which they must, at the very least, win two of (and quite likely more)) are as follows:

MD14: Liverpool England vs. Oglethorpia
MD15: Oglethorpia vs. Ariddia
MD16: Fmjphoenix vs. Oglethorpia
MD17: Oglethorpia vs. System Karela
MD18: Israel4Ever vs. Oglethorpia

Of note is next week's match -- matchday 14 vs. an emotionally and literally upset Liverpool England side who tallied a loss on their visit to Oglethorpia. Oglethorpia now visits the Liverpoolian English (or whatever the adjective name of their country might be) who are likely looking to redeem their loss that came about in a seemingly random fashion.

"I wouldn't be surprised if we lost," said striker Anton Kremlov. "Our attempts to get back into contention definitely don't include any gains on third place in this match -- but if we come away with more than 0 points, we'll be ecstatic."

Only time will tell if Oglethorpia's Ostriches will be leaving Liverpool England heads held high, or right in their prediction of defeat.

Chi Sun-Times-Tribune-Star-News-Today-Yesterday

Sports Section

Arridian thugs not enough as Milchama win 4-1

The Milchama Warriors came up against the founding nation of the great NS World Cup today Arridia. Unfortunately in these last 100 years the nation of Arridia's moral character has gone down the toilet. This current team of Arridians though are apparently a bunch of thugs and cut throats as they ruthlessly hunted down our proud Milchamian side getting 3 cards including a red as their keeper kicked Matt Bantin in the stomach. Coach Jonathan Fairbanks said, "I really would have expected classier play from these Arridians. They founded the world cup and they were one of the best teams for a long time. It's unfortunate that they could not be better sports about losing." Now onto the match report:

The Milchamians came onto the field looking for a victory. They had beat Arridia before and always seemed to do better during the second half of qualification. This time around it looked to be easy as in only the 8th minute Darian Flinters beat his man into the box and found Dunston Copperlee waiting for a pass. Flinter's pass missed Copperlee but hit an Arridian defender and went for a corner. On the corner J.J. Faren's cross hit Marc J. Floren's head and it went into the net to make it 1-0 Milchama. After this goal the game began to get ugly as a ridicoulously late tackle by Phillip Lukeson on Doni Kunalin almost forced Kunalin out of the game and forced the ref to give Lukeson a yellow that could very well have been a red. A little bit later the Warriors started to get on the attack again as Copperlee found Bantin in the box but as Bantin was about to get the ball he was kneed right in the stomach by Arridian goalie Sandrine Leduc. Leduc immediately apologised for the incident but the referee had no choice but to award Leduc a red and a penalty for the Warriors. When their subsitute keeper came in he was immediately in place to try and stop and penalty. Copperlee came up and took the penalty beutifully scoring the Warriors second goal in the final important play of the first half. The halftime score was 2-0 Milchama.

Second Half Report:
The Arridians had their share of bad luck as only 5 minutes into the half their second string goalkeeper, who been playing quite well since the penalty, was injured when he accidently jumped down on J.J. Faren's foot. This forced their third string keeper! Karim Chem in the match. The Warriors immediately began to pounce on the inexperienced Chem as she looked confused by the great Milchamian offense. 15 minutes later the Warriors got their first goal of the second half as Kunalin went wide to Rintell who slotted the ball in for Faren to score to make it 3-0 Milchama. Faren could have made it 4-0 only 3 minutes later but his shot missed high. In the 74th minute though E Lel got one back for the Arridians as he headed in a corner kick to make it 3-1 Milchama. The Warriors would score one more time though as Matt Bantin would get a goal from a J.J. Faren cross in the 80th minute. In the 82nd minute the Arridian thugs would strike again as Ismail Faraj pushed Flinters down from behind. The referee saw and again awarded another Arridian player with a yellow.
Final Score:
Milchama 4 (Floren 8, Copperlee [pen] 28, Faren 65, Bantin 80)
Arridia 1 (E Lel 74)

CHEAT Headquarters, Prontera, Chorion

Paul Iñaki (Coach, Commerce Heights Capitalizts): You wanted to see me?
You wanted to fire me? he thought to himself.

Brad Liang (Manager, Commerce Heights Capitalizts): Yes. Please, sit down.

Liang and Iñaki sit and face each other across Liang’s desk.

Liang: That was quite a stunt you pulled in Cockbill Street. I hope you remembered to thank Τριανταφυλλίδης for saving your job?

Iñaki: There was a time when this team would be quite happy with a draw against such a respected team as the Streeters.

Liang: That time was before the Revolution, Paul. Surely you don’t expect me to believe you remember back then?

Iñaki: Rejistanians have no trouble recalling their 10–1 “failures” from before the regime change, why should Capitalizts behave any differently?

Liang: Because it’s been a century since our team’s qualification potential was in doubt. Rejistanians don’t think their team ever failed to qualify, they just have the “painful” memories of a team that conceded to Ravea.

Iñaki: Ariddia’s qualification potential hasn’t been in doubt since the dawn of time. Things change.

Liang: You’re right, of course. “There are only two constants in the universe—Margaret and the market.”

Iñaki: Matthew Yates. Those words were spoken over seventy years ago. That was before the Revolution, Brad! Surely you don’t expect me to believe you remember back then?

Liang: You’re right. I just remember having to write a paper about the history of someone known only as Margaret, and being one of the few people who went to the trouble to research that Margaret.

Iñaki: Is there a reason why I’m here?

Liang: Not really. I just remember what you said back in February—that our conversations will help the Capitalizts somehow. It’s because of KPB, right? Or was that RPR?

Iñaki: RP bonus, actually. Totally different from RPR. Anyway, as much as I’ve enjoyed this little chat, I’ve got work to do.

BALLERINAS OUT!

Rordia have been eliminated from the World Cup after 13 qualifying games, after a 1-0 loss to Tadjikistan. But none of their players are downhearted after this defeat.
Ciaran Mirren, Rordia's man of the match, said: "We're out, but who cares? We gave Tadjikistan a hard game, but in the end, David just couldn't beat Goliath. This match has shown that we are capable of finishing in a good position."
Manager John Swift said: "Our aim for World Cup 25 was not to qualify, but to enhance our reputation as one of football's most promising nations. So far, we have done just that. To concede just two goals in two games against a team like Tadjikistan is just unthinkable.
Next up for the Ballerinas are another of Group 1's giants - Vilita. When these two teams last met at Rordic City, Vilita won 3-1. Another defeat is likely for the Rordians, but if they play like they did against Tadjikistan...

We cannot post this in any other language than rejistanian due to, well, language!

tani lehiju'he'ny
Rejistaniha'la'lil lasane-tani veka. lasane-tani sija mi'aru sejil! lasane junis-omeh mi'ki'kanvali mje'he'ra. Hatime I Ra~e mi'la'seletie lasane hetaki al. mi'lil hetaki'he'ny! sola: hetaki'he'ny xi! Jilih'aru'ta slani, jilih'aru'slani altenany tekne! rejistaniha mi'lil'ta eha xamjona'het tekne. rejistaniha mi'lil'ta eha xamjona'het FIFA! rejistaniha'ki'lehiju ji mi'ki'sono lasane'ja sejil altena. Jilih je Hatime I Ra~e mi'rala'setex ji mi'rala'isa! Squornshellous'la'lanja'viki lasane Rej'he la'hexa. xen'vana alnany Rej'he, I Ra~e'he slani! xen'vana'ta 'sono selme lasane'ja hakim ji xen'vana'ta 'lehiju xkora ke milhan'ra mje! Hetaki'aru 'sono!

thsd:NEWS
Paladins Philiosophic Post-Pasting
By Brian Cadamarteri in Ousevale

MORGAN Bartrum, in the team thanks to Robin Spivey's second yellow of the tournament against An Archy, kicked off his national team account in style with a brace to take down the Paladins of New Montreal States. The defeat has left Paladins coach William Branstone questioning his team's ability to catch the top three.

Branstone said: "It shouldn't amaze anyone that these teams are the ones ahead of us, who will probably qualify. We need a clean sweep of the last five matchdays to have any hope of making it to KP or Audioslavia for the finals." However, it's worse than that - two of the sides above the States will fail to qualify - they're currently sixth, five points behind third-placed El Cid.

Meanwhile, three victories in the last five games will assure Krytenia a place in the finals, despite their recent run. With the Guptas, Pagajeucianism and the Commies next, it looks more than likely that the Aces will be looking forward to WCXXV with two games' extra practice.

KRYTENIA - 2
Bartrum 41, 63

NEW MONTREAL STATES - 0


Washington - The Home Of Takil
By Daniel Wheldon in Washington

WASHINGTON. A town on the Bedistan-Krytenia border. There is a significant Krytenian minority here - they will gain their own Underleague team later this year - but Krytenian and Bedistani alike are cheering the goals in in this, the place where the two highest-scorers in World Cup Qualifying meet and intermingle.

Bedistan added four goals to their personal tally on Matchday Thirteen with a four-one victory, taking them to forty, four ahead of the Aces. If these two meet in the finals, there will almost certainly be goals, and this city will be cheering every one of them in, whether the scorer is in green or sky blue.

SCORERS
G. Kennedy: 14
R. Spivey: 8
K. Keda: 4
M. Bartrum: 2
P. Neasden: 2
S. Ziov: 2
N. Caraiani: 1
D. Signoriello: 1
C. Stevenson: 1
J. Terezzi: 1

QUALIFYING SCHEDULE
MD1: A v CAP L 0-1
MD2: A v ECH W 3-0
MD3: H v ANA W 5-0 (Mellion Lane, Davisham)
MD4: A v NMS W 3-2
MD5: H v TGD W 4-1 (The Mound, Secklow)
MD6: A v PGJ W 2-0
MD7: H v NCR W 3-0 (Brecklands, Linford)
MD8: A v BET L 3-4
MD9: H v TON W 5-0 (Sixways Stadium, Avidia)
MD10: H v CAP L 2-3 (Oxley Park, Everton City)
MD11: H v ECH L 1-2 (Mercia Stadium, Bromham)
MD12: A v ANA W 3-0
MD13: H v NMS W 2-0 (Denbigh Park, Ousevale)
MD14: A v TGD ?????
MD15: H v PGJ ????? (Walton Gardens, Simpson)
MD16: A v NCR ?????
MD17: H v BET ????? (Davis Memorial Stadium, Everton City)
MD18: A v TON ?????

CAFE: N v FMJ ?????

Canucks manage to beat Da WhoseLine People- now to sink the Island
Even though Adam Island has already sank

Yesterday' s long game against Da WhoseLine People was a wake-up call for Hockey Canada and the Canuck fans. The team barely edged out Da WhoseLine People in a close game at the Da WhoseLine People national stadium sending their fans home crying. The Canucks need to somehow keep winning their last 5 games if they want to keep first place.

The game started in the usual Hockey Canadian lineup- 7-2-1, but applied hard pressure before the first goal, after that the Canucks would play their Karelan style to annoy Da WhoseLine People. Perrault extended his scoring streak to twelve games in the 5th minute when he fired a cannon shot that the cameras had trouble finding the ball soar into the net. The Canuck defense stepped in from there in the first half to keep out any Da WhoseLine People from coming in.

Thomas was taking a day off today so Damien Marx took his place and played brilliantly. Making save after save Marx proved himself as a pinnacle keeper for any team. The defence started to let up for the rest of the half forcing Marx to stand tall. Unfortunately, Marx couldn't stop all the shots Da WhoseLine People were throwing at him and broke in the 43rd minute. The half ended with Hockey Canada and Da WhoseLine People tied at 1 apiece.

The second half got the Hockey Canadians going as they applied so much pressure on the Da WhoseLine People it seemed to catch them off guard. When the Hockey Canadians would collide with the Da WhoseLine People players, they would go down as well claiming to be hurt. This tactic finally worked in thr 66th minute when the Canucks were awarded a penalty kick. To make the game seem better, Marx took the kick and failed to disappoint- a beautiful lob into the back of the net sent fans screaming. The game ended 2-1 for the canucks.

Now the Canucks are going to take on Adam Island- a team already sunk. The Canucks do however have an advantage on Goal Differential over teams like Total n Utter Insanity and Eauz. But fans don't need to worry- the collapse of Hockey Canada may still come. But if the Canucks can keep winning a qualifying spot might actually come- or better... top of the group?

Jeruselem seems to be having a good time in group 4 battling with Nova Britannicus for 1st place. They have Hockey Canadian support when they qualify (we hope so). Nedalia however is making a strong comeback in the late stages of qualifying- surging up from 8th place in the standings. Can the Canucks slaughter Adam Island at Anadyr? We hope so.

MD1: Hockey Canada @ Spaam (1-1 T)
MD2: Total n Utter Insanity @ Hockey Canada (Globen Arena-Stadium) (0-0 T)
MD3: Hockey Canada @ Eauz (0-2 L)
MD4: Da WhoseLine People @ Hockey Canada (Globen Arena-Stadium) (0-0 T)
MD5: Hockey Canada @ Adam Island (4-0 W)
MD6: Yafor 2 @ Hockey Canada (Globen Arena-Stadium) (2-1 W)
MD7: Hockey Canada @ Andossa Se Mitrin Vega (1-0 W)
MD8: Hockey Canada @ RyukyuDaitoKazanNampo (2-0 W)
MD9: Nedalia @ Hockey Canada (Globen Arena-Stadium) (3-1 W)
MD10: Spaam @ Hockey Canada (Irkutsk) (4-1 W)
MD11: Hockey Canada @ Total n Utter Insanity (3-1 W)
MD12: Eauz @ Hockey Canada (Irkutsk) (3-1 L)
MD13: Hockey Canada @ Da WhoseLine People (2-1 W)
MD14: Adam Island @ Hockey Canada (Anadyr)
MD15: Hockey Canada @ Yafor 2
MD16: Andossa Se Mitrin Vega @ Hockey Canada (Globen Arena-Stadium)
MD17: RyukyuDaitoKazanNampo @ Hockey Canada (Anadyr)
MD18: Hockey Canada @ Nedalia

Cuation are out

Well news came that Cuation are one of four teams in Group Seven who will not get past the group stage. With one place taken, five teams are now fighting for the two remaining qualifiction places. Cuation has a decent amount of points but their goal will be to clamber back above Athestan and chase Kipto-Mare till the last game.

The recent game against Athestan was a boring defeat, the only intresting bit being the fact that Cuation lost agaain to such a team. The goal was even boring, a simple long ball and header being cheered by a small crowd. Cuation where hampered by the inability to create chances that have given the team such a small scoring tally

The Aeropag Tribune—Hanˈil, lehijuˈny!

Business: CHEAT announces expansion into sports
PRONTERA, CH—The CHEAT Alliance, the largest construction corporation in Commerce Heights, announced today that it would be expanding its business into sporting events. The news was not particularly surprising, since it was expected that CHEAT would determine that the national football team, the Commerce Heights Capitalizts, would be profitable. However, the announcement was unusually early—many expected that CHEAT would wait until the end of World Cup 25 to make their choice. The new division, Capitalizt Sports Leadership and Numismatic Intervention (SLANI), has been given immediate control of the Captializts, and the authority to expand CHEAT’s athletic presence throughout the world. Along with the new division, CHEAT has changed its name to the Commerce Heights Engineering, Athletics, and Technology Alliance, recognizing the importance that Capitalizt SLANI in CHEAT’s future plans. Brad Liang, the president of the new division, has not made any announcement of the direction he intends to take with his new organization, but CHEAT’s press release made a number of references to “highly profitable opportunities,” suggesting that SLANI might attempt to host a major athletic event.

Stars make themselves at home in Hypocria, 2-0

HYPOCRIUM, Hypocria (ASP) -- The match between two teams representing nations whose relations plummeted more than former U.S. President George W. Bush's approval rating during his second term had all the makings of an ugly contest. At the request of the Incorporated Football Federation, the match was moved from the Iron Bowl in Portland to the Hyppodrome in Hypocria, and the teams' supporters were separated by 10,000 neutral fans.

Before the match, Sarzonian players added to the litany of harsh words between the teams and the nations, forcing Coach Barry Owens to issue a gag order on all but team captain Trevor Crenshaw and forward Brian Wilson. Wilson scored both goals in the match in front of a crowd of 74,936 in the neutral site fixture and the Stars defeated Euroslavia 2-0.

With no one on either side or in neutral Hypocria knowing what to expect when the teams met, security was at an all-time high. The referees and assistants all were told to be on "high alert" for the match, which began with the two teams staring each other down five minutes before kickoff.

"If looks could kill, there'd have been a lot of dead bodies out there," Wilson said after the match. "I haven't even seen that much hostility when we'd face Xile."

Despite the theatre and the foreboding on the part of both teams, the match itself was cleanly played. The Stars (11-3-0, 36 points) and the Titans committed all of 14 fouls, six of them by the Stars. The only caution for either team was issued to goalkeeper Horace Sandt (five saves) for timewasting two minutes into second half stoppage time.

"I think we were all just trying hard to concentrate on the game and let the other stuff go," Crenshaw said. "I can't speak for the Titans, but we were making an extra effort to not get distracted by all the politics."

If midfielder Jarret Sanderson summed up the feelings of the Stars before the match, fellow midfielder Jenna Raven (one assist) summed up the feelings of the Stars after the final whistle.

"Hopefully, we can all just go back to focusing on football," she said. "Let's put the ugliness behind us and get back to the World Cup."

Casari4sport

Walkover of Michael Stricklandttttt moves Casari up another spot
Next is away at Praying2God

Unlike the last few matches at Casari National, the weather cleared up and through a little cheating, the players were met with a dry, hard pitch for today's match, voiding the conditions that Casari has had their latest successes in, and more importantly, leaving a halfway pleasant match for the home fans to watch.

Casari managed to continue it's play-or-be-outplayed form, getting another win by three to increase the goal difference by 9 in three games and giving the needed boost to pass Raptor Claw, their main competitor for fourth. But with 4 games left, there remains a chance that Casari can make a run on Commerce Heights and quaification. However to do that, Commerce Heights will have to lose at least one more or tie two more than Casari in the next four games to give us the help we need to climb the rest of the way.

Three points, almost qualified.

We are in the last steps of the qualifications and every point counts now, even for a team that is already seven points ahead of the first nation in a non-qualifying spot. The Tadjiks dont want to take any risk now and decided that a more defensive play would benefit them most against an opponent that has been doing extremely well and still has a good chance to qualify.

Thus the Tigers defended their goal and made some moves over the flanks, a couple shots on Dauna Hills' box. These shots however, never treatened the Danuaian defenders and soon the Sadirov brothers decided to send their team forward.

The change of tactics worked, the Tadjik Strikers, led by Michael Pliiev stormed the goal of Dauna Hills. Zuhurovs shot went high over, a couple minutes later Szarmach saw his shot deflected of the left pole into Salenko's feet who reacted quickly by controlling the ball on his chest and driving it past the Daunaian goalkeeper.

Tadjikistan had taken the lead and would keep it for the rest of the game, as Szarmach ensured the Tadjiks of their victory with a goal in the third minute of the second half. After that shot the Tadjiks returned to their defensive style, satisfied with the result. Dauna Hills then started to realize that it was almost over for them and in a last charge they made one good shot from the second line that surprised Gurchev and his defenders.

The Tadjiks began to fear a loss of points, at a crucial moment. Bahrom Sadirov had no other choice but to add an extra defender and Ashurov replaced Galistki for the last minutes. Tadjikistan had secured its eleventh victory.

For Vilita especially this was an important match, as Tadjikistans victory helped them to take some distance from Dauna Hills. Important, because Vilita makes a trip to danua Hills on Matchday15. The Tadjiks, in the meantime, are still in first position with the Starblaydians breathing down their necks. For the Tadjiks, matchday 15 brings another homegame, this time against Lethislavania, the team that stole a point from the Tadjiks on Matchday six. 'This time', Bahrom Sadirov said 'We will do whatever necessary to keep our three points in Dushanbe'.



GROUP 1
Pos Team P W D L F A GD Pts
1 Tadjikistan 14 11 2 1 29 9 20 35
2 Starblaydia 14 11 2 1 31 13 18 35
3 Vilita 14 9 2 3 30 16 14 29
4 Dauna Hills 14 7 4 3 17 14 3 25
5 Lethislavania 14 6 3 5 19 17 2 21
6 Metfield 14 3 4 7 14 22 -8 13 E
7 Kudlastan 14 3 4 7 9 19 -10 13 E
8 Kericia 14 3 3 8 13 30 -17 12 E
9 Rordia 14 2 3 9 9 18 -9 9 E
10 Da Philelfya Empiya 14 0 3 11 8 21 -13 3 E


Fixtures:
MD1: Da Philelfya Empiya - Tadjikistan W 0-2
MD2: Tadjikistan - Kericia W 3-0
MD3: Metfield - Tadjikistan W 0-1
MD4: Tadjikistan - Rordia W 1-0
MD5: Dauna Hills - Tadjikistan W 1-2
MD6: Lethislavania - Tadjikistan L 2-1
MD7: Tadjikistan - Vilita D 1-1
MD8: Kudlastan - Tadjikistan W 0-2
MD9: Tadjikistan - Starblaydia W 3-1
MD10: Tadjikistan - Da Philelfya Empiya D 2-2
MD11: Kericia - Tadjikistan W 0-5
MD12: Tadjikistan - Metfield W 3-1
MD13: Rordia - Tadjikistan W 0-1
MD14: Tadjikistan - Dauna Hills W 2-1
MD15: Tadjikistan - Lethislavania
MD16: Vilita - Tadjikistan
MD17: Tadjikistan - Kudlastan
MD18: Starblaydia - Tadjikistan

Streak Still Alive For Sea Dragons!

This is Kellan Kildan Of the ASMV News Network

Today, the Sea Dragons extended their win streak to 3 games with a 1-0 win against Yafor 2. As hoped for, the Golden Wolves had overlooked our beloved team while preparing for their final match. The game seemed to be headed towards an all nil draw until Evan Evans found the goal on a very improbable mid-field shot as time expired.

While already being eliminated from qualifying contention, the ASMV squad hopes to continue the good play and cause some problems for others during their remaining matches. Next up for the Sea Dragons- RyukyuDaitoKazanNampo, the hated upstarts who destroyed them 5-1 on matchday 6. Vengeance shall be claimed.

GROUP 9
RyukyuDaitoKazanNampo 1 Total n Utter Insanity 2
Spaam 0 Eauz 1
Nedalia 2 Da WhoseLine People 0
Hockey Canada 3 Adam Island 1
Andossa Se Mitrin Vega 1 Yafor 2 0

In other Group 9 news TnUI edged out the hated Ryuku squad 2-1, as they continue to cruise for a qualifying spot. Eauz also stayed true to form by defeating Spaam 1-0. Nedalia continued to surge by way of a 2-0 victory against DWP- but is it too little, too late? Only time will tell. And HC looks well in position to end their streak of disappointment after a 3-1 crushing of Adam Island.

PALADINS REBOUND SOMEWHAT AGAINST AN ARCHY, MUST-WIN AGAINST LIONS NEXT

EL CID can put NMS back in the race or send them home cryin'

AN ARCHY - Well, it was an uncomfortably close match, but in the words of forward Benoit Broussey, "A win is a win, and at this point we're not gonna be too picky about it, y'know?"

Broussey scored the gamewinner at the 78th minute, followed by the Paladins defense, which had been shaky all day, putting together a 12-minute whiteout job on the feisty, combative An Archist offense.

An Archy opened the scoring before their home crowd, putting the first one in the 11th minute past reserve keeper Sebastien Poule. Starter Johnny Sears was injured tripping over camera cords when he left the sideline to go greet his parents in the stands before the match. Poule calmed down, turning momentum towards the Paladins with a pair of spectacular saves. He found midfielder Horatio Bennet downfield with the kick from the second one, who passed to forward Pierre Briand for a nice arcing shot over the keeper's head for the equalizer in the 32nd minute. The Paladins battled back, and went to the locker rooms at 1-1.

The second half began with the Paladins coming out strong, with Bennet and Cecil Langlier dominating the midfield and controlling the pace of play. Short, quick bursts of offense led to midfielder Fabrice Pepin converting a free kick on the outside of the wall. The An Archists ran a solid drive downfield, ending with a goal on a rebound off the post that managed to pull Poule out of position. 2-all, with 18 minutes to play.

The Paladins, with their qualification hopes on the line, drove forward with equal parts determination and desperation. Andre Laporte and Langlier both took several shots before the An Archist keeper cleared the ball. Bennet, staying towards the back, intercepted the kick and passed it forward to Briand. His shot ricocheted off the post for an easy tap-in by Broussey.

Coach William Branstone had this to say after the match: "Well, so far it's been two steps back and one step forward. If the next match against the Lions falls through, we might as well book our plane for the CoH, because we'll be toast."

The Lions fell to Bettia last night, and will be looking to rebound and solidify their claims to the third spot with a win over the Paladins at their pitch.

Alexandria Times-Post-Gazette-Chronicle-Journal-Enquirer

Sports Section

Milchama shock Fmjphoenix with 90th minute strike

The Milchama Warriors got a great break as Spot Nielson scored in his first appearance in a Warriors uniform scoring on a header in the 90th minute to give Milchama a draw againt Fmjphoenix. Coach Jonathan Fairbanks said, "This was a game to remember. We gave up a goal in the 85th minute only to score ourselves in the 90th. I only hope that a performance like this can lead to other great performances which should lead to more wins. This is a fine result." Now because the match was mostly boring we will only show 4 important events all in the second half:

65th minute: Copperlee coming down the wing looking and OH NO! that did not look good he got tripped on Bobby Bash and he's down with what looks like an ankle injury hopefully he'll be ok. But he won't play on today. Spot Nielson comes in from the sideline. Highly talented buy young Nielson...
85th Minute: Fmjphoenix on the attack again. Since the beginning of the second half they have been desperate to get one strike into the net. Now they come again, Andrew Jenkins to Laura Boyd who now looks forward to Mike Nolan who beats Pevington tries to shoot but passes to Dave Daniels who shoots AND SCORES! GOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOAL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! 1-0 Fmjphoenix in the 85th minute this looks bad for the Warriors. I don't they will be able to recover from this shock.
88th minute: The Warriors trying what looks to be one last attack. Kilinin looking for Flinters or Faren on the wing but now has to look forward and see Bantin in the middle. She passes high but the ball is cleared by Fremont and it goes forward to midfield where the Vikings corrall it. Now it looks like a Warriors loss for sure.
90th minute: Well it looks like the Warriors might get another chance after all as Kunalin looks to Flinters and he brings it down the wing. He now finds Faren more outside then he is and passes it to him. Faren now ducks a Viking and crosses the ball into the box and SPOT NIELSON IS THERE HE HEADS IT IN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! GOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOAL !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! OH MY GOD SPOT NIELSON HAS JUST SCORED THE TYING GOAL in stoppage time to tie the game and give Milchama a point unbelievable! just crazy! This is the second best game in Milchamian football history so far but by far the most exciting.

The Bureaucratic Tribune

Is this really news?

LIVERPOOL ENGLAND (BT) -- To no one's surprise, Oglethorpia lost.

On that note however, Oglethorpia retains an advantageous goal difference vs. Liverpool England over their two matches this WC25 qualifying run, +3 even after the defeat on matchday fourteen.

"At least we have one positive thing to say about the situation," said Torrence Black. "Statistics are great for that reason."

Consensus among the Ostrich staff and players tended to be fairly unanimous, most predicting a loss vs. Liverpool England. In Oglethorpia's favor, the six-point deficit to a qualifying spot only increased by one with a tie by Fmjphoenix. However, Oglethorpia now only has four matches to make up seven points of lost ground to get into third place, after holding the position many-a-matchday ago.

"Things really fell apart for us -- allowing us to hold third in group three for only a brief amount of time. Now we've got no small task just to qualify -- we need a very good four match run, and Fmjphoenix has to make a mediocre to bad run for us to squeak in," elaborated striker Coat MacHangar.

The remaining four matches for the Ostriches' World Cup 25 qualifying run are as follows;

MD15: Oglethorpia vs. Ariddia
MD16: Fmjphoenix vs. Oglethorpia
MD17: Oglethorpia vs. System Karela
MD18: Israel4Ever vs. Oglethorpia

As stated earlier, Oglethorpia at the very least must go 2-1-1, assuming Fmjphoenix gains no more points on Oglethorpia, which is a farfetched assumption to say the least. Given that the Ostriches probably need at least three victories without relying to heavily on Fmjphoenix faltering, qualification hopes don't run very high in Oglethorpia.

Only time will tell what becomes of Oglethorpia's WC25 qualifying bid.

Win and draw leaves Vikings unchanged heading to face Limbrogidlia

With a one nil victory over Alan Shearer Heaven and a suprise draw against Milchama, the Vikings still remain in 3rd place in Group 3, still looking to gain ground on Liverpool England and Druida to challenge for a top spot.

Mike Nolan increased his team leading goals by scoring the game winner in the 61st minute against ASH. A beautiful cross from Andrew Jenkins was headed by Laura Boyd right to the legs of Nolan, who kneed the ball right through the legs of the keeper. The Viking defense stalled ASH all day. They only managed to take 3 shots on the day. It was a all around solid performence from the team.

Then when the Vikings went to Milchama to play the Warriors, it looked like a lot of the same was going to happen. Solid defending by the young players in the lineup was providing excellent challenges against a suprisingly challenging team. A flurry of passes between Jenkins, Boyd and Nolan lead to a goal by Dave Daniels in the 85th minute. But an excellently placed header Spot Nielson in stoppage time gave the Warriors a draw that they badly needed to keep their hopes alive. But the draw hurt the Vikings because they needed the points to further lengthen the lead over Oglethorpia. But next up for Fmjphoenix is Limbrogidlia. The Vikings went up 4-0 in the first run against them, and look for more of the same as the qualifiers come to a close.

Fmjphoenix Vikings
World Cup 25 Qualification Schedule
MD01: Fmjphoenix @ Druida 1-3 Loss
MD02: Fmjphoenix vs System Karela 4-0 Win
MD03: Fmjphoenix @ Israel4Ever 1-0 Win
MD04: Fmjphoenix vs Alan Shearer Heaven 3-1 Win
MD05: Fmjphoenix @ Milchama 2-0 Win
MD06: Fmjphoenix vs Limbrogidlia 4-0 Win
MD07: Fmjphoenix @ Oglethorpia 2-6 Loss
MD08: Fmjphoenix vs Liverpool England 1-2 Loss
MD09: Fmjphoenix @ Ariddia 1-0 Win
---------------------------------------
MD10: Fmjphoenix vs Druida 1-1 Draw
MD11: Fmjphoenix @ System Karela 3-1 Win
MD12: Fmjphoenix vs Israel4Ever 1-0 Win
MD13: Fmjphoenix @ Alan Shearer Heaven 1-0 Win
MD14: Fmjphoenix vs Milchama 1-1 Draw
MD15: Fmjphoenix @ Limbrogidila
MD16: Fmjphoenix vs Oglethorpia
MD17: Fmjphoenix @ Liverpool England
MD18: Fmjphoenix vs Ariddia

Cafe: Fmjphoenix vs Krytenia
---------------------------------------
Record: 9-2-3

Viking Goalscorers:
Nolan 11
Ijanaeil 4
Boyd 4
Jenkins 3
Daniels 3
Brown 1

The Daily Druid

RIOTS RIFE ACROSS DRUIDA
By Casey Dussett

People across Druida were living in fear as riots, seemingly orchestrated by the Free Alcoholic Army, swept across Eastern Druida, putting the nation into a state of chaos.

The attacks are largely coming from FAA paramilitaries armed with the giant Dodgeball:Goliath balls. They have stuck all over North West of the country, around the area from which the balls, some of which are up to ten metres in diameter, were stolen.

Cities such as Thackworth (formerly Llllllllllcwllllllll), Kirkanden and Ormillton are all on their knees, on the verge of ruin. The entire area known to Druidans as Anwir Cymru, where the Mock Welsh population was at its highest, is almost all just a pile of rubble, with many of the people left homeless, dead or, worst of all for them, without booze. Those lucky enough to have escaped with their homes so far have been advised to get out of town as quickly as possible and move either south into the rest of Druida or north into Hockey Canada.

The main problem for the FAA so far has been the transportation of the giant balls around the country. They are not exactly easy to conceal, and are incredibly weighty. However, they are being transported under the armed guard of FAA henchmen, striking fear into anyone who comes near to them.

The destruction of a large part of Druida has led to chaos in other areas of the country too. The entire chemical and nuclear operation of Chemindus in Graymouth has been closed down as a precaution towards an attack, plunging large areas of Druida into both energy and financial crisis, as the nation's largest private employer has sent millions back home from work until the crisis passes over. However, some work is still going on at the demand of President Bill Posters.

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

Bill Posters: "Is that you there, Mr Chem?"

Trevor Chem: "Yup."

Bill Posters: "What's all this about me demanding your plant does some work?"

Trevor Chem: "Well you..."

Bill Posters: "I haven't said anything of the sort. Your site should be closed down in the name of public safety!"

Trevor Chem: "Mr President, I..."

Bill Posters: "Unless you want us all to kill the entire Vilitan Cove in a massive nuclear meltdown?!?!? Well?"

Trevor Chem: "Mr President, if you knew what we were up to, the shock would kill you."

Bill Posters: "You keep telling me this. What could be so shocking?"

Trevor Chem: "Once it happens, sir. You'll feel the shock yourself for a moment, then you'll thank me. And then you'll thank yourself."

Bill Posters: "Thank myself?"

Trevor Chem: "Goodbye, sir."

Bill Posters: "But... what..."

Too late. Chem had already put the phone down.

Statement from the governing body of the football association of PopularFreedom:

In light of the recent horrible showing by the Brunstone Grizzlies, they have been ordered home immediately from the World Cup and will be replaced by numerous players from the teams in the Bay Football League (http://ns.goobergunch.net/wiki/index.php/PopularFreedom_Bay_Football_League) who will play for the remainder of the tournmanet. Relatively few 'stars' from the Bay Football League will be apart of the PopularFreedom national team, as most are recovering from the recent season. Star striker Shawn Peruvo (http://ns.goobergunch.net/wiki/index.php/Shawn_Peruvo) of the North Beach Sharks will be on the squad however and play forward. Players from the Pleasantview Ravens, Willowbrook Bobcats, and the Downtown Capitalists will also not be apart of the national team for various reasons.

The Nedalia Lions

Four Games to Go

GROUP 9
Pos Team P W D L F A GD Pts
1 Hockey Canada 14 9 3 2 26 12 14 30
2 Total n Utter Insanity 14 9 2 3 23 15 8 29
3 Eauz 14 8 3 3 21 11 10 27
4 Nedalia 14 6 2 6 27 22 5 20
5 Yafor 2 14 5 3 6 15 11 4 18
6 RyukyuDaitoKazanNampo 14 5 3 6 20 21 -1 18
7 Da WhoseLine People 14 4 5 5 16 19 -3 17
8 Spaam 14 3 6 5 15 22 -7 15
9 Andossa Se Mitrin Vega 14 3 3 8 13 25 -12 12 E
10 Adam Island 14 2 2 10 7 25 -18 8 E

KAFRA, NEDALIA - Two teams are gone (Adam Island and [b]Andossa Se Mitrin Vega), expectedly. The third one on the way has suprised a few people (Spaam), while Da WhoseLine People, RyukyuDaitoKazanNampo, and Yafor 2 are only seperated by 1 point between each other and by 3 points from Spaam. So who does this leave?

Well, at the top 3, one will find Hockey Canada, Total n Utter Insanity, and Eauz, three teams that have seemingly ensured of their qualification with 4 games to go. Logically speaking, with the way they have been playing, they leave little reason to doubt that they will be the ones representing Group 9 in World Cup 25. However, a Nedalian wouldn't be a Nedalian if he didn't believe that somehow, someway, the Lions were going to find a way.

After compiling their 2nd and 3rd straight victories over Eauz and DaWhoseLine People respectively, the Nedalia Lions now find themselves in fourth place, 7 points from Eauz at third. Seven points, with 4 more games to go. That doesnt sound too promising, and if the top 3 teams play it right, they have nothing to worry about. But if the Nedalians continue to win, then the pressure is on for them to perform. With just two slip ups for either team, and two victories from the Lions, and all of a sudden, there wont be such a gap.

This is ofcourse, asuming that the Lions have gotten their act together and have actually developed the killer mentality that got them into World Cup 24. Thus far, fans have been sceptical despite their tough away wins to TnUI and Eauz. Their defense has been suprisingly competent in those matches, not at all coinciding with victories with the Lions.

Another main point has been the issue of manager Randy Gamman. For the first time ever, Gamman felt pressure on his shoulders, and there was talk about the Nedalian FA asking for his resignation. That talk has been put on temporary hold after the Lions' latest resurgency, but they surely cant be too far. Any slip up, and Gamman will feel the brunt of the blame again.

So where do the Lions go from here? Well, they need to remain defensively coherent, first and foremost. The central backs Cole Zenith and Mohammed Khadra have to remain focused and communication has to be a priority. The midfield is never an issue for concern, and continued strong play from the likes of Nene, Innit Point, and Trent Hardman is expected. Up front, Tim James has been doing wonders, and Mattan has shown unexpected life while behaving. A cause for concern has been the lack of goals from Chris Yamtech, whose goal drought might find him on the bench before long.

In other news, the Nedalian FA has personally contacted the Bettian FA and expressed their congratulations to their eastern neighbors on completing their task. Nedalians were especially jubilant in the southeast of the country, around the port city of Dalutha, where one cant even tell the difference between a Bettian and Nedalian. The Nedalian FA also stated that the Bettian FA should reserve a section for fans travelling from Nedalia in every one of their matches.

Jeruselem have also been doing a fine job of ensuring that their team gets through to WC 25, and again, the Nedalians have been excited about the prospect of seeing one of their favorite teams qualify. It was rumored that some Nedalians are already gearing up for the Jeruselem WC campaign and were asking for tickets to watch them in action.

Pschychoes Slip up, but Still Advance

A draw against Brazillico doesn't look so bad after Rejistania's performance
At first, It appeared that an increasingly stagnant Squornshelan team had let another easy match slip away, splitting points with an inferior opponent, allowing those chasing us to creep a little closer. However, at the end of matchday 14, one of those assumptions has been proven false. Although both Svecia and The Archregimancy won, to move two points closer to the Pschychoes, niether of those sides can catch Squornshelous, and the one that still can is seeing that chance slip away. The reason for this is that The Archregimancy's win to stay with Svecia in the battle for qualification came against the Orange-Blues. The 3-1 defeat leaves Rejistania a full 9 points behind Squornshelous with just 4 matches left to play. If Squornshelous can defeat Svecia in matchday 14, they will move within inches of securing 1st place in the group for themselves. If, in addition to a Pschychoes win, Rejistania fail to defeat Pastorville, whom they drew 0-0 in their first match of qualifying, Squornshelous will be mathematically uncatchable in Group 2. However, the Pschychoes cannot relax if they want to continue their unbeaten streak. At 12-2-0, Squornshelous are one of four unbeaten teams remaining in qualifying, along with Bettia (10-4-0), Sarzonia (11-3-0) and of course Bedistan, who are still smashing everything in their path with a perfect 14-0-0 record. However, the road is not easy at all for the Pschychoes, who must still play Svecia in their next match, followed by The Archregimancy on matchday 16, Pastorville on matchday 17 and The Lowland Clans to wrap up on matchday 18. All four of those teams have the potential to upset the Pschychoes, especially Sveia and The Archregimancy, who have been jockeying for third place since early in qualifying. Their fates will likely be decided by the final match of qualifying, where they face each other. Rejistania looks fairly secure in second place, but must put this weeks loss behind them quickly to face the upset hungry team from Pastorville. Given the way each team has been playing recently, these are our predictions for the finishing order of Group 2.

1. Squornshelous
2. Rejistania
3. The Archregimancy
4. Svecia
5. The Lowland Clans
6. Pastorville
7. Brazillico
8. The Macabees
9. Adrasuvare
10. The Solar Association

Ariddian “thugs”?
Mixed reactions to Milchaman accusations

Many Ariddian players and supporters reacted with indignation after the Milchaman press labelled the national team a bunch of “thugs”. The accusation came after three Ariddian players were handed cards – one of them red – during the encounter between the two teams.

“The statement was obviously an overreaction,” Ariddian coach Adam Seul said calmly. “We regret the actions of some of our players, of course, but they were either accidental or in the heat of the moment. And three cards in the span of a match is not exceptional or unusual. The Milchaman press has blown this out of all proportion. Our players are civil and well-mannered; they are not ‘thugs’.”

Visibly irritated, accused played Phillip Lukeson, who was handed a yellow card for a tackle on Doni Kunalin, said merely:
“Football can be a rough sport. If they can’t take it, why are they playing?”

More conciliatory, red-carded goalkeeper Sandrine Leduc explained,
“We’re sure these aren’t the feelings of most Milchamans, but simply of an angry minority of Milchaman journalists who aren’t too concerned with the facts. We’ve found that the press abroad can sometimes be sensationalist and ultra-nationalist. In any case, I’ve already apologised for what I did, and I reiterate my apology, to Mr. Bantin and all his team mates.”


”Acceptable” performance against Limbrogidlia

Ariddia took on Limbgrogidlia in Wavecrest City Stadium today as the qualification stages begin to draw to a close. Both teams are already eliminated, so the match was purely for honour’s sake, and, in the eyes of some, almost akin to a friendly. Both teams, however, seemed to take it very seriously, and there was no lack of excitement as either side pressed opportunities and went for every opportunity to score.

The opening goal came in the forty-second minute, on an Ariddian counter-attack, as E Lel stormed up the field, and passed to Clément – narrowly avoiding an offside – who scored before the Limbrogidlian defence could gather adequately and stop him. By the sixtieth minute, Ariddia was leading 2-0 thanks to a goal by Faraj, and fans were holding their breath in the hopes of an eventual victory.

Those hopes were dashed as the tide turned and the match ended on a draw. The coach’s assessment, however, was mostly positive.

“We can’t say it was a bad performance. Our girls and lads did well.”

For the first time, the team were playing without their first goalkeeper, barred from taking part, and Ludovic Hue had to hold the goal cage. The 22-year-old successfully saved several shots, and prevented what would otherwise have been a Limbrogidlian win.

“I think it was a good thing for Ludo to be able to play a whole match,” Seul commented. “Even though I’m sure Sandrine is aching to come back,” he added with a slight smile.

Jeruselem Government News

Hypocria ATTACK while Jeruselem stall Chicanada

Yes, it's the last few games of World Cup 25 qualifying. 4 games left!

Firstly, poor old San-Lorenzo. They played red hot Hypocria and well, should have stayed home. They got hammered into the ground 5-0 to show the hyppos have a chance of making the top 3. Yes, the hyppos are on the charge!

Nova Britannicus just rolled on with a casual 2-1 win over Jacobian Tribes. They stay on top of Group 4 with 4 games left, should have the run to make the top 3. A few more wins should secure their place in next round.

Oaker bounced back from a recent loss to beat Alemeinia 2-1. They stay 3rd but this team should not have trouble securing a few extra wins for a place in the next round.

Chicanada really really really need to beat Jeruselem today, while Jeruselem needs more points to stay where it was under the Oakan and Hypocrian threat. In a rather tight game lacking offense in general, the dreaded NIL ALL score was the result. 1 point for Jeruselem to stay 2nd but Chicanada are 9 points behind Oaker.

Another NIL ALL game. Just the result for Kunar vs Giant Zucchini - Kunar are eliminated officially. So, 5 in contention and 5 out. Chicanada need to win their next 4 games and hope none of the top 4 win at all, which is not very likely. Watch for Hypocria who having a great 2nd half qualifying time, pity about the first half.

GROUP 4
Jacobian Tribes 1 Nova Britannicus 2
Chicanada 0 Jeruselem 0
Oaker 2 Alemeinia 1
Kunar 0 Giant Zucchini 0
San-Lorenzo 0 Hypocria 5


GROUP 4
Pos Team P W D L F A GD Pts
1 Nova Britannicus 14 10 3 1 32 11 21 33
2 Jeruselem 14 9 4 1 25 8 17 31
3 Oaker 14 9 3 2 23 12 11 30
4 Hypocria 14 7 3 4 22 17 5 24
5 Chicanada 14 5 6 3 21 15 6 21
6 Kunar 14 3 5 6 10 18 -8 14 E
7 Alemeinia 14 4 2 8 18 28 -10 14 E
8 Giant Zucchini 14 1 6 7 13 24 -11 9 E
9 Jacobian Tribes 14 1 4 9 13 24 -11 7 E
10 San-Lorenzo 14 0 6 8 6 26 -20 6 E



Now for Group 9!

Hockey Canada are TOP. Yes, the Canucks tops Group 9 while TnUI and Eauz right behind them. 4 games left and really only one team can challenge. Yes, Nedalia are 4th and 7 points behind Eauz. They have a shocking 6 losses but can they win 4 games? Remember they play Hockey Canada last game too.

Oddly Jeruselem have more points than Hockey Canada and are 2nd. Shows how tight Group 9 really is compared to Group 4.


GROUP 9
Pos Team P W D L F A GD Pts
1 Hockey Canada 14 9 3 2 26 12 14 30
2 Total n Utter Insanity 14 9 2 3 23 15 8 29
3 Eauz 14 8 3 3 21 11 10 27
4 Nedalia 14 6 2 6 27 22 5 20
5 Yafor 2 14 5 3 6 15 11 4 18
6 RyukyuDaitoKazanNampo 14 5 3 6 20 21 -1 18
7 Da WhoseLine People 14 4 5 5 16 19 -3 17
8 Spaam 14 3 6 5 15 22 -7 15
9 Andossa Se Mitrin Vega 14 3 3 8 13 25 -12 12 E
10 Adam Island 14 2 2 10 7 25 -18 8 E

http://i6.photobucket.com/albums/y231/bettia/FAB.jpg

Bettia Rejoices!!

http://i6.photobucket.com/albums/y231/bettia/airportsign.jpg

A picture paints a thousand words. Even in the hubbub of a busy Gabalfa International Airport, staff and passengers alike were celebrating an unlikely triumph, as indeed were millions of people throughout the nation.

The Aroras' first-ever qualification for the World Cup finals comes after a hard-fought victory away to giants EL CID THE HERO, on the back of an amazing seventeen game unbeaten run which includes a current streak of nine consecutive wins. Many have put their triumph to their rather gung-ho attitude which has had coach Takil pulling his hair out at times, supporters being admitted to hospital for excessive fingernail biting, and neutrals tuning into Bettia's televised matches in their billions just for the sheer entertainment value.

However, if you were to ask any of the travelling supporters before last night's game that Bettia would have qualified by the end of it, many would have scoffed in your face. As well as facing one of the best teams in the world on their patch, they knew that four more points were need to guarantee qualification, and with the Caprine States (the only other team who could scupper their travel plans) playing bottom-of-the-table Pagajeucianism, the army of Bettia fans were soberingly realistic about their teams chances.

The Bettian team arrived in EL CID THE HERO's national stadium in a somewhat apprehensive mood, knowing the size of the task that was lying ahead. Starting in their familiar 3-2-5 formation, they made a slow but steady start with Jason Abdullah creating a half-chance for Judson York after nine minutes. However, the home team got stronger as the first half wore on and forced a succession of corners that the Bettian defence did well to keep out.

The Lions' pressure eventually paid off just before half time, taking a deserved lead when Prog Kraid's rifling shot cannoned off the crossbar to which striker Smith Connor was first to pounce, tapping the ball into the net despite the close attentions of Jon McKinnon. Bettia almost replied immediately as Latif Hunter beat two defenders and burst into the box, only for Lisa Banks to nick the ball just as he was shaping up to take the shot.

So a despondant Aroras side went into half-time a goal down, but came back out a different team, showing the steel and grit that has served them well so far in this campaign. Their early second half dominance paid dividends in the 52nd minute - Ieuan Swain made one of his characteristic probing runs on the left wing and, after spotting the run of Chris Hutton, whipped the ball into the area which the Marine Coast Utd striker was only too happy to volley into past a despairing Kim Dash.

Bettia's confidence grew, and even though the Lions threw in a stern defensive display, the Aroras smelt blood and kept pouring forward. The unrelenting pressure told in the 72nd minute as Omar Whistler grabbed the winner, heading in from an inswinging corner to send the thousand of fans who made the journey into raptures. After that, Swain and Abdullah were replaced by Tyrno'r and Williams as Bettia defended deep to hold onto the lead, and even though EL CID's captain Fred Gruber came close to snatching a point, the Aroras held on to claim a memorable win.

And then it happened... the unbelievable news that the Caprine States had suffered a shock defeat to Pagajeucianism filtered through. The few mathematicians in the crowd performed the necessary mental arithmatic the confirm it - Bettia were guaranteed at least third place. Bettia had qualified for the World Cup finals!

Cue thousands of spontaneous celebrations throughout the Blessed Realm. Huge gridlocks formed on the M3 outside Gabalfa as people got out of their vehicles, and danced in the carriageway. As one reporter told BBC (that's the Bettian Broadcasting Corporation) viewers, "This is absolutely unbelievable... people on the motorway just stopped... police had no choice but to close the motorway!". Traffic in virtually all of Bettia's towns and cities was brought to a standstill as street parties sprang up out of nowhere.

Huge impromptu firework displays lit up the night, not just in Bettia but also in neighbouring Nedalia and Hypocria, whose FAs were both quick to congratulate the Aroras. FAB officials told reporters "This is by far the greatest day in the history of Bettian football, and we're very heartened by the support shown by our neighbours. Given that the NFA and HFA have allocated tickets to Bettian fans in the past, it is only right that we return the favour. Therefore, a number of tickets for each of Bettia's finals matches will be forwarded to the Nedalian and Hypocrian FAs for distbution to their fans."

Bettia go into tonight's match away to Tonissia needing just one point to secure at least second place in the group. Elsewhere, our near-neighbours Krytenia need three points to clinch qualification themselves, although they could also qualify if the New Montreal States and the Caprine States fail to win tonight.

Regarding their qualifying group, manager Laxhu Takil told reporters "Our attacking play has been magnificent at times, but we really need to work on our defence more. I know its the Bettian sporting mentality to attack attack attack, but we need more balance if we are to do well in the finals. If we could finish top of this group, that'd be great. However, we still have to play Krytenia away, and I wouldn't be at all suprised to see them end up at the top of the table. Mind you, even if we don't win the group, this is still a massive achievement for us."


Group 10 Table

Pos Team P W D L F A GD Pts
1 Bettia 14 10 4 0 30 18 12 34 Q
2 Krytenia 14 10 0 4 39 15 24 30
3 EL CID THE HERO 14 6 4 4 24 18 6 22
----------------------------------------------------------
4 New Montreal States 14 5 5 4 20 19 1 20
5 Caprine States 14 5 4 5 19 21 -2 19
6 Tonissia 14 5 3 6 19 23 -4 18
7 Newcommunist Republics 14 5 3 6 17 24 -7 18
8 An archy 14 4 2 8 18 30 -12 14
9 The Gupta Dynasty 14 3 4 7 14 20 -6 13
10 Pagajeucianism 14 1 3 10 14 26 -12 6 E


Fixtures / Results

01: ................Bettia 1-1 New Montreal States (Thamitra Gate, Tamrida)
02: .....The Gupta Dynasty 0-1 Bettia
03: ................Bettia 1-1 Pagajeucianism (Alice Street, Butetown, Gabalfa)
04: Newcommunist Republics 1-1 Bettia
05: ................Bettia 3-3 EL CID THE HERO (Stadiwm Bettia, Gabalfa)
06: ................Bettia 3-2 Tonissia (Shubunkin Park , Akani Sands)
07: ........Caprine States 1-3 Bettia
08: ................Bettia 4-3 Krytenia (Stadiwm Bettia, Gabalfa)
09: ..............An Archy 2-3 Bettia
10: ...New Montreal States 1-2 Bettia
11: ................Bettia 1-0 The Gupta Dynasty (Stamping Ground, Lorshill)
12: ........Pagajeucianism 2-3 Bettia
13: ................Bettia 2-0 Newcommunist Republics (Heol Angharyd, Ceffinton)
14: .......EL CID THE HERO 1-2 Bettia
15: ..............Tonissia vs. Bettia
16: ................Bettia vs. Caprine States (Campus Ground, Grappenhall)
17: ..............Krytenia vs. Bettia (Davis Memorial Stadium, Everton City)
18: ................Bettia vs. An Archy (Al-Fath Satdium, Sukatra)

Qualification? One win away? We've been here before and got screwed.

Fans have been having so much fun in the frozen wastes of Hockey Canada- winning games, freezing opponents and going en route to the World Cup for the first time ever has given Canucks fans a good reason to keep watching their games. The temperature was -14 degrees yesterday in the game against Adam Island. The usual temperature for Hockey Canadian matches. But the roof was non-existant in Anadyr yesterday when a snowstorm came rolling in... and it wasn't the weather- it was the team.

The Canucks came roaring into the small, packed 2,500 seat stadium yesterday and weren't disappointed when the team saw several Adam Island players got frostbite early on. Thomas was back in net for the Hockey Canadians giving the offence some more time to put pressure on the Adam Island defence. The Canucks pressed harder and harder as they broke through for their first goal from Perrault at the 2 minute mark. The goal was a rocket-shot from 39 feet out.

The Canuck defence played strong and even set up a counter-attack in the 33rd minute when Thomas drop-kicked the ball deep into the Adam Island half. Broflovski managed to knock over the one Adam Island defender and then another Adam Island midfielder en route to a breakaway. The ice and snow building up on the pitch must've slowed the Adam Island keeper's reflexes as Broflovski placed a rather weak shot into the left side of the net. Broflovski has been having the World Cup of his life- contributing 7 of Hockey Canada's 26 goals.

Adam Island were totally outclassed and out-heated in the second half by the tougher and speedier Hockey Canadian team. A goal from Kulkarni off a free kick in the 87th minute sent a few Hockey Canadians leaving early to escape the traffic. Adam Island did manage to score in the 2nd minute of injury time in a corner-kick head-in but it wasn't enough to preserve their dignity as the score ended 3-1.

The Canucks are now only one win away from qualifying for the World Cup. Hockey Canada has been in this position a few times before but have come up short on all of them. Nedalia needs to lose or draw and Hockey canada to win for assurance in the World Cup. Who knows? If the Canucks can keep up their winning ways they might finish first in group 9. A few years ago finishing ahead of Total n Utter Insanity wasn't even dreamed of. Now it might become a reality.

Pos Team P W D L F A GD Pts
1 Hockey Canada 14 9 3 2 26 12 14 30
2 Total n Utter Insanity 14 9 2 3 23 15 8 29
3 Eauz 14 8 3 3 21 11 10 27
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
4 Nedalia 14 6 2 6 27 22 5 20
5 Yafor 2 14 5 3 6 15 11 4 18
6 RyukyuDaitoKazanNampo 14 5 3 6 20 21 -1 18
7 Da WhoseLine People 14 4 5 5 16 19 -3 17
8 Spaam 14 3 6 5 15 22 -7 15
9 Andossa Se Mitrin Vega 14 3 3 8 13 25 -12 12 E
10 Adam Island 14 2 2 10 7 25 -18 8 E

Group 4 is getting very tight with Jeruselem and Nova Britannicus neck-and-neck for that first-place spot. Oaker isn't that far behind while Hypocria is falling behind.

The Hockey Canada Canucks would like to congradulate Bedistan, Squornshelous and Bettia for qualifying.

MD1: Hockey Canada @ Spaam (1-1 T)
MD2: Total n Utter Insanity @ Hockey Canada (Globen Arena-Stadium) (0-0 T)
MD3: Hockey Canada @ Eauz (0-2 L)
MD4: Da WhoseLine People @ Hockey Canada (Globen Arena-Stadium) (0-0 T)
MD5: Hockey Canada @ Adam Island (4-0 W)
MD6: Yafor 2 @ Hockey Canada (Globen Arena-Stadium) (2-1 W)
MD7: Hockey Canada @ Andossa Se Mitrin Vega (1-0 W)
MD8: Hockey Canada @ RyukyuDaitoKazanNampo (2-0 W)
MD9: Nedalia @ Hockey Canada (Globen Arena-Stadium) (3-1 W)
MD10: Spaam @ Hockey Canada (Irkutsk) (4-1 W)
MD11: Hockey Canada @ Total n Utter Insanity (3-1 W)
MD12: Eauz @ Hockey Canada (Irkutsk) (3-1 L)
MD13: Hockey Canada @ Da WhoseLine People (2-1 W)
MD14: Adam Island @ Hockey Canada (Anadyr) (3-1 W)
MD15: Hockey Canada @ Yafor 2
MD16: Andossa Se Mitrin Vega @ Hockey Canada (Globen Arena-Stadium)
MD17: RyukyuDaitoKazanNampo @ Hockey Canada (Anadyr)
MD18: Hockey Canada @ Nedalia

thsd:NEWS
One Win Away
By Daniel Wheldon in The Guptas

THE Aces are just three points away from their eighth Finals appearance after a hard-fought win against The Gupta Dynasty. Goals from Spivey and Kennedy put Krytenia two up, and though Kapil Gupta and Rav Gupta put the home side level, an Oli Kader free-kick won the game, three-two.

The Aces can make easy work of qualification with a victory over Pagajeucianism in Simpson - see you there!

THE GUPTA DYNASTY - 2
K. Gupta 51
R. Gupta 67

KRYTENIA - 3
Kennedy 22
Spivey 40
Kader 78

The Aroras Roar
By Bill Tulos in Gabalfa

WHILE Krytenia are putting their fans through the emotional wringer, there is one team in Group Ten already packing their bags and looking ahead. Bettia have made it to the Finals with a two-one victory over El Cid. The scenes here in Gabalfa, repeated across the country, were a massive outpouring of joy for a football-mad nation.

Hopefully, when the Aroras visit the DMS on Matchday Seventeen, both teams will have cause to celebrate.

SCORERS
G. Kennedy: 15
R. Spivey: 9
K. Keda: 4
M. Bartrum: 2
P. Neasden: 2
S. Ziov: 2
N. Caraiani: 1
O. Kader: 1
D. Signoriello: 1
C. Stevenson: 1
J. Terezzi: 1

QUALIFYING SCHEDULE
MD1: A v CAP L 0-1
MD2: A v ECH W 3-0
MD3: H v ANA W 5-0 (Mellion Lane, Davisham)
MD4: A v NMS W 3-2
MD5: H v TGD W 4-1 (The Mound, Secklow)
MD6: A v PGJ W 2-0
MD7: H v NCR W 3-0 (Brecklands, Linford)
MD8: A v BET L 3-4
MD9: H v TON W 5-0 (Sixways Stadium, Avidia)
MD10: H v CAP L 2-3 (Oxley Park, Everton City)
MD11: H v ECH L 1-2 (Mercia Stadium, Bromham)
MD12: A v ANA W 3-0
MD13: H v NMS W 2-0 (Denbigh Park, Ousevale)
MD14: A v TGD W 3-2
MD15: H v PGJ ????? (Walton Gardens, Simpson)
MD16: A v NCR ?????
MD17: H v BET ????? (Davis Memorial Stadium, Everton City)
MD18: A v TON ?????

CAFE: N v FMJ ?????

Titans Eliminated

After two tragic losses at the hands of Five Civilized Nations and Sarzonia, the Euroslavia Titans have been statistically eliminated from the World Cup. The team lost 2-0 to both teams, handing them two losses in a row after two victories. They can't say that it wasn't expected, because both Five Civilized Nations and Sarzonia are the obvious favorites in a match against Euroslavia; however, the team was hoping for at least one upset to keep their dreams alive. This isn't the case for the young team, as they no longer have a shot at snatching that third and final spot in the World Cup.

"We tried our hardest to get into the next round despite the critics expecting us to finish anywhere from 5th to last place in the Group, based on our performances in the last few World Cups before our team withdrew for a few Cups. The only thing we can do now is to play our best game and finish in the best place we possibly can in Group 5."

The next four matches are against Spookyville, of whom the Titans defeated in their previous match. Spookyville is currently sitting one point ahead of Euroslavia, in sixth place out of ten teams. A victory over their team would put the Titans ahead of their opponents by two points. The match after that is against Bakostrovia, who is in third place currently; one point ahead of Five Civilized Nations for that last spot. A victory against Bakostrovia would make the Titans major spoilers in Group Five, giving Five Civilized Nations a shot at stealing the spot back again. The next match after that is against Kylaai, who is lingering in 5th place, only a victory away from tying Five Civilized Nations, that is, if they were to lose their next match.

The final match of the World Cup qualifying round is against PopularFreedom. The previous match played between these two teams ended up in a 0-0 draw. If the Titans can pull it together for the last match of their World Cup and pull off a victory, as well as attempting to finish their season in 6th place, this would be a vast improvement from any of the World Cups they've played in the past, leading for even more improvement in the future. Perhaps in the next season, the Titans can become competitors for the next round of World Cup play. Til then, they can only do their best and hope for a few wins.

Woodstock Daily Mail sports column

Mort Collinsworth
Rivalry matches continue for Stars

Meanwhile, in other news...

After Sarzonia's "home" fixture against Euroslavia resulted in a 2-0 win that eliminated the Titans from World Cup finals contention, the team's next match almost escaped the attention of the fans. However, the Stars face an away fixture against southern neighbours and football rivals Crystilakere that figures to be nearly as charged as the Euroslavia derby.

Sarzonia (11-3-0, first place Group 5) are traveling to Crystilakere for the first time since Falcania seized the Crystilakere island of Diamindokere, drawing heated protests from the Incorporated Sarzonian Government and leading to some talk among Woodstock thinktanks that Sarzonia might pursue military action. However, the issue died in Parliament when the Crystilakere government didn't respond to the Falcanian advances on their territory.

"That's going to be an intense match in its own right," Coach Barry Owens acknowledged after the team's final training session before they boarded the charter flight from Woodstock International Jetport. "But I don't think that political situation has anything to do with it. They're a fierce rival, they're ranked 12th in the world, and it's an away fixture. If that doesn't motivate you, you don't belong on the field."

The Stars hardly look to need any added motivation. The Stars have lost several matches to the Crystils, including a 4-1 shellacking in the World Cup XIX groups stage that all but eliminated Sarzonia from contending for a spot in the knockouts. Even with first-time head coach Barry Owens calling the shots, this Stars side hasn't lacked for either motivation or execution.

"Barry's done a bang-up job so far," defender and team captain Trevor Crenshaw said. "He's a little bit more Type A than Dave Wilson, but he's getting many of the same kind of results against tough sides."

The Stars had to think about that for a moment because Owens' record with Legalese (5-2-6) wasn't impressive. But after a 4-1-2 record in the Jeremy Jaffacake Jamboree that included Sarzonia's first-ever victory over the Slaves in senior team football, Owens has guided the team to a mark of 16-4-3 since he took the reins from Wilson. The Stars also played a two-legged friendly derby against the Hypocria national footballers coached by former Stars coach Dave Wilson and split the pair, winning 2-1 in Hypocrium and losing 1-0 in Woodstock.

Wilson's abrupt change of heart about his retirement angered former Stars forward Barry Alphonso, who was expelled from the team after he accosted Wilson following the announcement that Wilson would coach the Hyppos. But Wilson has guided the Hyppos to four straight wins, and at 7-3-4, has the team just six points out of the third and final position in the World Cup finals. For their part, the Stars are pulling for their former coach.

"Absolutely, we're rooting for him," midfielder Jenna Raven said. "He was the main reason we went from perennial also rans to a team that's been in the World Cup six straight times. He's an excellent coach and he's going to take the Hyppos far if they'll let him."

One other potential distraction for a team that's had to negotiate a slew of them has been the status of goalkeeper Horace Sandt. The team will hold a press conference after they arrive home from Crystilakere where Sandt will announce whether he will retire after this World Cup.

"He's been the mainstay in goal since World Cup XXI," Owens said. "It's going to be strange when he leaves."

“…another outstanding performance from Simon Briers, with some amazing saves to earn his second clean sheet in a row. You must be relieved to see that your goalkeeper has found his good form again?”

“It’s not a big surprise to me, really,” Cor Bensen said with a confident smile into the camera. “Simon’s a professional, and he’s been applying himself more than one hundred percent, both on and off the pitch. But sometimes you need a bit of luck as well. At this level, the difference between a mediocre and a world class goalie can depend on tiny details.”

“Well he certainly got the details right today. Thanks coach Bensen. That’s all from down here in the dugout, we’ll…”

Bensen made his way towards the catacombs, throwing obligatory smiles and handshakes left and right. Another three points, and qualification well within reach - things were looking up. It could still go wrong, of course, but an eight point lead with four matches to go certainly put the odds in their favor, even if they did have a couple of tough matches ahead.

And Simon Briers had indeed been a major factor in earning six points from the last two matches. Especially with the strikers having a bit of trouble finding the net. But a narrow win is still a win.

Up ahead, Briers was just finishing up his interview with another camera crew, and Bensen smiled. It was good to see the lad flourishing again. Then Briers waved to someone in the crowd. A blonde girl dressed in a scarce green and red outfit – the nation’s colors – waved back enthusiastically, and Bensen stopped smiling.

He knew his little scheme wasn’t exactly ethical, but it had worked, and that’s what mattered. Perhaps it was time to call it off now though, before it got out of hand. Question was, would Briers’ confidence plummet again if he found out the chick who hadn’t been able to get enough of him the past few weeks was actually getting paid for her services. Likely not, Bensen thought. It wasn’t the first time the goalie had been with a hooker. He’d probably be able to see the humor in it.

Briers was waiting for him at the entrance of the players tunnel, and grinned widely at him.

“Kay-PAS, here we come, eh coach?” Cor gave him a pat on the shoulder as they walked in together.

“Damn right! Great match, Simon. That last save was phenomenal, you had my heart skipping a beat on that one.”

“Hey, nothing was gonna get by me today, coach! Like I told Shelley before the match: I don’t care if I have to stop the ball with my gonads, I’m keeping a clean sheet! Though she said to use my hands instead, because, well, you know…”

“Right. Simon, about Shelley…”

“Isn’t she great, coach? I can’t believe I just ran into a girl like that on the parking lot, ya know? I mean, she’s sweet, she’s hot, she’s great – and I mean great – in the sack… She’s just perfect. I think I’m in love, coach!”

Oh crap. “Really? But Simon, you only just met her! Don’t you think it’s…”

“Coach, sometimes you can just tell. When it feels right, it feels right!”

“But…”

“Oh coach, after our next home match, against Lovisa, I’d like to pop her the question. You think I could have one of those big messages put up on the scoreboard for her, right as the match ends? That’d be so cool, and original and stuff, you know?”

Cor felt the blood drain from his face. That stupid son of a bitch was falling in love with that bimbo. He couldn’t bloody well tell him now, it’d break the kid’s heart. Not to mention, ruin his performances. And… oh great, more trouble up ahead.

As they reached the home team’s dressing room, Cor recognized the balding, hawk-nosed head of Marcel Scheefslaeger, the SFA’s chief accountant. Sure had taken the little weasel long enough. Scheefslaeger’s nose twitched in their general direction, and the accountant started making his way through stadium personnel and players, towards them, like a man who had gotten a cheeseburger instead of a Big Mac and came to claim his refund, no matter what that spotty teenager behind the counter was gonna say.

“We’ll talk about that later, Simon. Go get showered,” Bensen said, and he started to put some distance between himself and the goalkeeper, heading on an intercept course towards the pudgy accountant.

“In my office, Marcel!” he tried, but Scheefslaeger was too wound up to take notice.

“Motivational sessions!? Are you out of your friggin’ mind?!”

“Oh relax, you pencil pushing midget. Let’s go talk about this in my…”

“Let go of me!” The accountant pulled his arm back and stood his ground, waving a piece of paper around. People stopped and took notice. Briers and some of the other players were standing in the dressing room doorway, watching with interest.

“You thought I wouldn’t notice, did you?! Thought I’d be too stupid to tell the difference between legitimate motivational sessions and a plain old hoo—umph…”

Bensen pulled his fist out of Scheefslaeger’s stomach and helped lower him onto the floor. He motioned to a few stadium officials, who guided the coughing and wheezing accountant to the coach’s office, and turned to his players, who were looking at him curiously.

“Hit the showers, fellas. I’ll be along for the official pat on the back pep-talk in a few minutes.”

The Wabbits started trudging back into the dressing room. Bensen turned to head towards his office, but had to stand back to make way for a vigorous blonde projectile on a steady course through the hallway.

“Simey!” she cheered. “You did it!”

She jumped into Simon Briers’ arms. The big goalkeeper lifted her up by the waist and spun her around.

“Told you I’d keep the zero, sugah-pie!”

“You sure did!” She kissed him full on the mouth, then took his hand and started leading him away. “Time for your reward,” she winked.

“Just tidied up that damn broom closet this morning,” some janitor-type standerby muttered.

Bensen sighed, then started heading towards his office. A few minutes alone with Scheefslaeger should be enough to keep that little bean counter in check. At least until he came up with a way to deal with his love-smitten goalkeeper without jeopardizing the rest of the qualifying campaign.

“Hey coach, got a sec?” Dirk Jools, the Wabbits’ star striker, caught up with him just as he was about to go into his office.

“Not really, Jools, I’m kinda busy.”

“Won’t take long, coach, it’s just…” He looked around, lowered his voice. “I didn’t score in the last two matches. I think I’m having a serious self-confidence problem. I could do with some… motivational sessions. A redhead would work best, I think.” Bensen winced.

“Get lost, Jools. You make enough money to pay for your own.”

“Awww, shucks. Oh well, it was worth a shot. Later, coach.”

“Hey Jools… do the others know?”

“You think we’re daft, coach? We’ve known from day one. Chick like that don’t just fall for an ogre like Briers. Besides, half the squad had kinda met her before, ya know. Real feisty one, that.”

“That’s just great,” Bensen sighed. “Don’t tell him yet, will you?”

“You kidding? Way he’s been playing the last few matches? Trust me coach, any of the fellas shoots his mouth, he’ll be on the injury list for the rest of qualifying. When a guy found his good luck charm, you don’t jinx it. That’s unforgivable.”

Casari4sport

Yeah... Remember when we could have qualifyed?
Nope, not happening

Right when Casari is on the brink of staring off some of the biggest celebratory riots outside of Los Angeles... They lose.

This time to Praying2God, in fact.

As the fans deal with the crushing 1-0 lossm the fact remains that Casari could finish as low as 7-2-9 in this World Cup, as all three remaining opponents are more than capable of beating Casari by some magical twist of the heavens.

Frustration is paramount, but the more hardcore fans are still looking forward to the next game, Home v. Alastair.

"They won't be able to pray for a horribly nearsighted and colorblind linesman to come to their aid this time." Fans said. The weather for the match still looks as dreadful as ever, with it seeming like rain for as long as the entire week.

The continuing saga is... well... still continuing as a bid in the tinpot-Cup of Harmony is all but locked up... if we're invited, that is.

"Hopefully we'll manage to get 4 or 6 points from these last three games and will be able to help our ranking just a little bit more." Coach Hill said. "And those awful results against Corruptomania seem worse and worse."

Stars have to take the good with the bad

Even if the only features of the away leg of the derby between the world's 12th ranked team (Crystilakere), just a short plane ride south and in the same group as the Sarzonian national football team, the scene was ripe for a defeat. Add to it the emotional drain of facing Euroslavia in the match immediately preceding it and you have a recipe for disaster.

For once, that recipe came out perfectly. The Stars (11-3-1) could only muster a late own goal to prevent a shutout and the Crystils defeated Sarzonia 2-1. The only bright spot for Barry Owens's team was the fact the Stars became the first Group 5 side to clinch a spot in the World Cup finals in Audioslavia or Kaze Progressa.

"We were lethargic coming out of the dressing room and it showed for the first 75 minutes," Owens said. "I'm disappointed with how we played, but I expect us to play a lot better in the final three matches of qualifying."

Owens said the team was going to "pick our spots" when it came to resting players in the starting 11, saying it was "unlikely" that he would remove all starters from the same match.

"You've got to do things sensibly," he said. "You want people to keep, or in our case, regain their focus and I don't believe you can do that sitting everybody. If we clinch first place in the group, you'll probably see more of Harvey Cooley in goal, but other than that, there's not much else I'm going to do differently."

Owens said he wouldn't sit in the chairman's box in Bryan Marshall Stadium and let assistant coach Cal Trottier manage the club, noting that Dave Wilson did that to give former assistant coach Chris Trautwig experience.

"Cal's got experience with the [former] Under 21 team," he said. "This isn't a coaching neophyte who needs a chance to get experience. He's a veteran coach; that's why I've got him on the sidelines with me."

After the game, goalkeeper Horace Sandt announced he would not retire following World Cup XXV unless the team won the World Cup.

"I don't want to miss out on a chance to go out on top if I'm blessed enough to get it," he said. "I've still got some football left in me."

Sea Dragons Avenge Earlier Rout

Today justice was served upon RyukyuDaitoKazanNampo for a 5-1 earlier loss as the Sea Dragons won the match 1-0. The ASMV defense completely shut down the upstarts, allowing no (thats right - nothing, zip, nada) shot opportunities from the RYukyu offense. The goal for ASMV was scored by Pablo Iglesias in the 32nd minute of the 1st half. Unami Banta-Nbai was named Man of the Match as he repeatedly took the ball off the foot of would-be threats.

Next up for ASMV - Hockey Canada. Hopefully the Canucks will suffer a let down now that they have qualified and we can sneak off the field with the win. That match will be followed by Nedalia and Spaam. If ASMV wins all of their remaining matches it is theoretically possible to finish 4th or 5th in Group 9. Considering the rough start, that would be something special indeed.

Elsewhere in Group 9
Hockey Canada qualified with a win over Yafor 2: 3-1
Nedalia continued to surge by downing Adam Island: 2-0
DaWhoselinePeople continued their incredible run by trouncing Spaam: 3-1
Eauz moved into 2nd past TnUI by beating them 2-0

Nedalia and DaWhoselinePeople are still alive with Nedalia having a much better shot - 6 pts out with 3 games left.

Narrow defeat for Ariddia

Inexperienced second goalkeeper Ludovic Hue again held his own today against a difficult opponent, as Sandrine Leduc was still barred from playing. Ariddia, despite already being out of the running, travelled to Oglethorpia in the hopes of denying the Ostriches three much needed points.

“Not that we want to wreck their chances,” player Frédéric Clément said before the match. “We rather like them, really. But we just want to win, and we have no intention of handing them an easy victory.”

In that sense, it can perhaps be said that the Ariddians accomplished half their stated objective. They did concede a victory to the Oglethorpians, but not an easy one.

The match started with a bang as young substitute attacker Clémentine Ramirez, fielded for once in the starting eleven, made the most of a risky pass from Michael Swimmer to score a goal in the second minute of the game. The feat had the Ariddian fans who had travelled to Oglethorpia up and cheering, as Ramirez had had to shoot at a difficult angle, and while still running to outpace two defenders.

“It’s the most magnificent goal I’ve ever seen,” Clément was to say later, clearly proud of his team mate.

The first half of the match paled by comparison with the opening minutes, and ended with Ariddia still holding a 1-0 lead, although the thirty-eighth minute had provided a genuine scare for the Rouge-et-Noirs. Outrunning Fields, Kremlov was able to pass to Christmas, who shot right round Lukeson; Hue was only just able to deflect the shot with his fingertips, but not control the ball, which was fortunately cleared out of the danger zone by an ever-vigilant al Jahdali.

By the middle of the second half, however, the Ariddians seemed to be tiring slightly. The team’s three-man defence at times seemed to be struggling to contain the Ostriches’ three attackers, and the latter were able to take the lead with two goals in rapid succession, in the sixtieth and sixty-sixth minutes.

It seemed Ariddia was in for another defeat, although its defenders pulled together, and the last twenty minutes featured mainly repeated Ariddian attacks, and a 61% ball domination by the Rouge-et-Noirs. In the eighty-ninth minute, the Ariddian minority in the stadium dared to hope again, as a mistake by Seasons translated into a penalty kick for Ariddia. Ramirez took it, and delivered a superb shot right into the top right corner. . . an all but impossible shot to parry, which was magnificently saved nonetheless by goalkeeper Hip Replac.

“A 1-2 defeat is nothing to be ashamed of,” coach Adam Seul said after the game. “Especially when it comes from an inexperienced side playing away against such a skilled team as the Oglethorpian Ostriches. We’re definitely doing a lot better now than we were at the start of this Cup.”

Seul also said that Ramirez’s playing had been “brilliant”, making her “the revelation of this match”, and congratulated Druida, the first team to qualify out of Group 3.

Sprint to the finish line
Who's in, who's out, who's still fighting?

GROUP 1 Anticlimatic for the first two spots as Tadjikistan and Starblaydia have both advanced. The only question is who'll win the group between two teams separated only by goal difference. The theatre in this group is the battle between Vilita and Dauna Hills, as the two sides are separated by one standings point.

GROUP 2 Squornshelous are through and are eight points clear of Rejistania for the group title with three matches remaining. Only a total collapse would keep them from winning the group. For their part, the most dominant footballing team of the past few years are only two points ahead of third place Svecia, who themselves have a scant two point lead on The Archregimancy. Stay tuned to this group.

GROUP 3 Druida have clinched a spot in the Finals and world champions Liverpool England are just one point behind the Rainbows for the group lead. Thus, the Terminators are one draw away from clinching their own berth with three matches to go. Fmjphoenix are five points behind the champions, but they have a five point lead on Oglethorpia that's looking comfortable. Milchama is all but eliminated, needing to win all three matches while Fmjphoenix loses all three by wide margins to get in.

GROUP 4 This group is one of the tightest, as none of the sides have booked their tickets to the final 32 just yet, even though pacesetting Nova Britannicus are nine points clear of fourth with three matches remaining. They're facing a tight race from Oaker, who rest just three points behind while Jeruselem are within two points of the Sharks. Hypocria have run off five straight results, but will that run be too little, too late for Dave Wilson's new charges?

GROUP 5 Sarzonia are through in spite of their 2-1 loss to second place Crystilakere, and are five points clear of their southern neighbours for the group title. Newcomers Bakostrovia have are four points behind the Crystils, but are one point clear of Five Civilized Nations, who themselves are one point ahead of Kylaai. The race for the third and final berth in the Finals in this group will probably come down to the last match day.

GROUP 6 This group isn't quite the Cockbill Street show, but it's fairly close to it with the Streetians seven points ahead of fourth place Raptor Claw. However, second and third place are only one point clear of Raptor Claw, as Bipedal Apes and Commerce Heights are separated by goal differential and Bipedal Apes' goalscoring prowess. Casari, Praying2God and Alastair I Frosticus are all within a desperate run of the third bid to Kaze Progressa or Audioslavia: Four, six, and seven standings points respectively.

GROUP 7 If it weren't for Bedistan's perfect run of 15 wins in 15 matches, Lovisa probably wouldn't strain their necks from looking up at the Lions. As it is, Lovisa have looked good even though their media have been absent from covering their side's exploits. Spruitland are eight points clear of The Weegies for the third and final berth and it will take a miracle from one of Sarzonia's favourite second-team candidates to wrest a bid from the Wabbits.

GROUP 8 Turori have done one thing their colonial masters in Vilita have yet to do: They've made it through to the World Cup finals with three matches yet to play. Right behind the Eels is One Red Dot, who are also moving on to the next round. Besides those two sides, it's a scramble for the third and final spot, as Harlesburg is just one point beyond Hurfordia and Aztec Kingdom, who are tied for fourth place. Elrich lurks one point back in sixth, while seventh place Oliverry is but one point behind Elrich. Even eighth place Swilatia are only six points behind the third and final spot in the finals in one of the tightest groups in the World Cup.

GROUP 9 So much for the predicted collapse of Hockey Canada. For the first time, they have made it through to the round of 32. Right behind them are Eauz and the always controversial Total n Utter Insanity stand third. Nedalia are six points behind the third and final slot and can no longer afford a mistake if they seek to advance to the World Cup. Da WhoseLine People are all but gone, needing to win out and hope Total n Utter Insanity lose all three matches by wide margins.

GROUP 10 Atlantian Oceania is well represented in this group as both Bettia and Krytenia have made it through to the finals. They'll battle it out for the group title, but the more intriguing battle here is for third place. Only Pagajeucianism are mathematically eliminated, although The Gupta Dynasty need a miracle. EL CID THE HERO leads the charge, with Caprine States, New Montreal States, Tonissia and Newcommunist Republics breathing down their necks. An archy are on the verge of elimination just one point clear of The Gupta Dynasty.

World Cup News
In association with Hellacious Huckleberry Gum

Still in with a Chance


It may ultimately prove to be a lost cause but Dave Wilson’s Hypocria side are giving it a real go as the qualification campaign approaches the finish. A record five game winning run has seen Hypocria cut a 9 point gap on third place to just 4 with three games left to play.


The narrow home win over the Jacobian Tribes was followed by a trip to bottom side San-Lorenzo. For the few hundred hardy fans who made the trip it was a feast of attacking football and one of the most comprehensive displays from an Hypocria side since, well, ever.

The Hyppos ripped into Group 4’s bottom nation and had the game wrapped up by half time. Four times Hypocria had found the net. Andrei Shirko had started the rout with a clinical finish and Bercali made it two just three minutes later. Shirko’s second and the Hyppos third increased the lead and when Rytter tapped in after Shirko’s hat trick chance had come back off a post the writing was on the wall for San-Lorenzo.

Often in football when the fans have been treated to plenty of goals in the first half the second tends to be something of a damp squib. This match was no different. Only one more goal was added to the tally. Substitute Ashley Deucher scored it, his second of the campaign.

San-Lorenzo 0 - 5 Hypocria

But we still needed the top three teams to drop some points. Nova Britannicus and Oaker refused to oblige with 2 - 1 wins over the Jacobian Tribes and Alemeinia respectively but Jeruselem were held goalless in Chicanada. It wasn’t much but every little bit helped. The other game, between Kunar and Giant Zucchini, finished goalless.


And so to an international christening for the Reef Stadium in Coral City. It was the first time an international had been played outside of mainland Hypocria and Kunar provided the opposition.

It looked as though it would be a disappointed day in the islands as Kunar took an early lead and held on to it until deep into the second half. But the Hyppos’ second half pressure finally told when substitute Alex Liberda stabbed in from close range after the Kunar defence made a mess of clearing Baxter’s corner. And the roof of the stadium threatened to fly off as defender Momo Diabang, who plays his club football in that very stadium for the Islanders, played a one two with Marshall and fired a low shot into the back of the net to send the fans home very happy indeed.

Hypocria 2 - 1 Kunar

Oaker won again, 1 - 0 in Giant Zucchini. Nova Britannicus did too but the Bluebirds 2 - 0 victory in Jeruselem dropped their opponents into third place, just 4 points ahead of the Hyppos now. Chicanada also recorded a win, 2 - 0 in Alemeinia, to stay in the chase but 3 points further back. San-Lorenzo achieved a face saving win over the Jacobian Tribes to move off the bottom of the group, to be replaced by their opponents.

GROUP 4
Pos Team P W D L F A GD Pts
1 Nova Britannicus 15 11 3 1 34 11 23 36
2 Oaker 15 10 3 2 24 12 12 33
3 Jeruselem 15 9 4 2 25 10 15 31
------------------------------------------------------
4 Hypocria 15 8 3 4 24 18 6 27
5 Chicanada 15 6 6 3 23 15 8 24
6 Kunar 15 3 5 7 11 20 -9 14 E
7 Alemeinia 15 4 2 9 18 30 -12 14 E
8 Giant Zucchini 15 1 6 8 13 25 -12 9 E
9 San-Lorenzo 15 1 6 8 8 26 -18 9 E
10 Jacobian Tribes 15 1 4 10 13 26 -13 7 E
Dave Wilson and his side take their 5 match winning streak to former group leaders Oaker on matchday 16. With games running out fast a defeat would surely knock the Hyppos out of the reckoning for good but a win and the unthinkable would still be on. But against the Sharks that is no easy ask.

Qualification Schedule

Jeruselem v Hypocria (1 - 1)
Hypocria v Alemeinia (Drissa Sports Arena, Drissa) (3 - 1)
Giant Zucchini v Hypocria (5 - 1!)
Jacobian Tribes v Hypocria (2 - 2)
Hypocria v San-Lorenzo (Oceanside Stadium, Pylos) (1 - 0)
Kunar v Hypocria (1 - 3)
Hypocria v Oaker (Hyppodrome, Hypocrium) (0 - 2)
Chicanada v Hypocria (1 - 1)
Hypocria v Nova Britannicus (Oceanside Stadium, Pylos) (0 - 1)
Hypocria v Jeruselem (Hyppodrome, Hypocrium) (0 - 2)
Alemeinia v Hypocria (1 - 2)
Hypocria v Giant Zucchini (Hyppodrome, Hypocrium) (2 - 0)
Hypocria v Jacobian Tribes (Drissa Sports Arena, Drissa) (1 - 0)
San-Lorenzo v Hypocria (0 - 5)
Hypocria v Kunar (Reef Stadium, Coral City) (2 - 1)
Oaker v Hypocria
Hypocria v Chicanada (Hyppodrome, Hypocrium)
Nova Britannicus v Hypocria

Qualified

Everyone knows it now, the Tadjiks are qualified. They were already close to qualification before this match, but with a couple of though matches awaiting, noone was to generous with comment. Noone dared to predict anything. Until this afternoon.

Lethislavania visited Dushanbe, with the intention to win whatever they could. But The Tadjiks never gave anything away, instead they took the lead in a thrilling match after fourty minutes. From then on the Tadjiks took over and quickly ended the game by scoring twice in the first minutes of the second half.

Lethislavania made a last effort at restoring the balance from the first half, but got no further than a single goal in the seventy-nineth minute. Slowly, both sides settled for what they had. For the Tadjik Tigers, this meant they had won the match, while the Lethislavanians returned home knowing it would be difficult (nearly impossible) to qualify now.

While the Tadjiks celebrated their qualification, they heard the more amazing news; Vilita had failed to win in Dauna Hills. They lost the three point lead they had gotten on Matchday 14 and their qualification is still not secured. Which means Vilita will fight for their three points in the next match, against the Tadjik Tigers.



GROUP 1
Pos Team P W D L F A GD Pts
1 Tadjikistan 15 12 2 1 32 10 22 38 Q
2 Starblaydia 15 12 2 1 33 14 19 38 Q
3 Vilita 15 9 2 4 30 17 13 29
---------------------------------------------------------
4 Dauna Hills 15 8 4 3 18 14 4 28
5 Lethislavania 15 6 3 6 20 20 0 21
6 Kudlastan 15 4 4 7 11 19 -8 16 E
7 Kericia 15 4 3 8 15 31 -16 15 E
8 Metfield 15 3 4 8 15 24 -9 13 E
9 Rordia 15 2 3 10 9 20 -11 9 E
10 Da Philelfya Empiya 15 0 3 12 9 23 -14 3 E


Fixtures:
MD1: Da Philelfya Empiya - Tadjikistan W 0-2
MD2: Tadjikistan - Kericia W 3-0
MD3: Metfield - Tadjikistan W 0-1
MD4: Tadjikistan - Rordia W 1-0
MD5: Dauna Hills - Tadjikistan W 1-2
MD6: Lethislavania - Tadjikistan L 2-1
MD7: Tadjikistan - Vilita D 1-1
MD8: Kudlastan - Tadjikistan W 0-2
MD9: Tadjikistan - Starblaydia W 3-1
MD10: Tadjikistan - Da Philelfya Empiya D 2-2
MD11: Kericia - Tadjikistan W 0-5
MD12: Tadjikistan - Metfield W 3-1
MD13: Rordia - Tadjikistan W 0-1
MD14: Tadjikistan - Dauna Hills W 2-1
MD15: Tadjikistan - Lethislavania W 3-1
MD16: Vilita - Tadjikistan
MD17: Tadjikistan - Kudlastan
MD18: Starblaydia - Tadjikistan

OOC: This is starting to really badly get on my nerves so here we go again, the people from the nation of Milchama are called MilchamIan with an I between the m and a. There are not Milchaman with no I there as many people seem to think. Thank you for your time.

Alexandria Times-Post-Gazette-Chornicle-Journal-Enquirer

Sports Section

Milchama not eliminated yet

The Milchama Warriors have survived to try and qualify another day as they beat System Karela 2-1. The Warriors have been virtually eliminated from contention as they need 3 wins in 3 games to qualify as well as Fmjphoenix losing their next 3 games. This will not happen (we at the paper think although we do hope). This victory did do something important though, it helped Milchama's new goal in this campaign, to finish 4th and beat Oglethorpia. Now without a quote onto the match report:

The Warriors came out determined to beat the horrible Karelan system of football. And they started off in grand fashion too as Darian Flinters out ran 3 defenders before passing to Dunston Copperlee in the 4th minute. Copperlee, who got injured last game, looked as good as new as he smoothly shot the ball past the keeper to make it 1-0 Milchama. After the goal the Karelans thought about attacking as they even had this crazy 5-4-1 formation for a little bit before Flinters again exploited the defense. This time he tried to find Marc J. Floren but his pass was intercepted by Hiku Lyku. Lyku then started a counter-attack and it was good one as the Karelans tied the game by a 23 foot shot by Boris Karpa to tie the game at one. That was the half time score 1-1.
Second Half Report:
Coach Fairbanks decided to do some reshuffling (with what looks more and more like our CoH and WC 26 starter) as he put in Elana Kilinin at half time for Doni Kunalin. With Kilinin and Flinters again on the wings the attack again started to really boom. Johnny Rintell also played well as he showed that he can make a good central midfielder as his passes found who they were supposed to find and he made good decisions with the ball. Rintell's play led to a second goal in the 70th minute as his pass found Faren on a run into the defense. Faren then heeled the ball back to Marc J. Floren who shot a rocket into the top corner to give the Warriors a 2-1 that they would never relinquish. Milchamian hero Spot Nielson came in late in the game and got a huge cheer by the audience in the Milchama National Stadium. That was really the only notable thing that happened after the goal.
Final Score:
Milchama 2 (Copperlee 4, Floren 70)
System Karela 1 (Karpa 38)

OOC: This is starting to really badly get on my nerves so here we go again, the people from the nation of Milchama are called MilchamIan with an I between the m and a. There are not Milchaman with no I there as many people seem to think. Thank you for your time.


OOC: While we're on the topic, you mis-spelled "Ariddia". It's starting to annoy me slightly having to repeat it so often, so... It's A-R-I-D-D-I-A. One R, two Ds, two Is. Thank you. :)

The Bureaucratic Tribune

Victory too little too late?

SOMEWHERE (BT) -- Matchday fifteen saw a two-one victory against a fellow ex-great footballing nation, Ariddia; but most football analysts agree, the oppurtunity at qualification has long passed. Only three matchdays remain, Oglethorpia trailing the coveted third (and final) qualifying spot in group three by five points to Fmjphoenix.

"At this point, it's safe to assume we're out of it now," said Torrence Black. "Now these matches really just serve to prepare us as much as we can for another shot in World Cup 26."

Indeed, things are fairly bleak for the Ostriches on the qualification front. Just to match the five point deficit to Fmjphoenix, with only three matches left, Oglethorpia can lose none of its remaining matches, and must at least go 2-1-0. It's much more likely Fmjphoenix will continue to gain at least some points -- the incredible 3-0-0 run the Ostriches likely need just to have a chance at qualifying is quite a feat and rather unlikely at this point.

The remaining three matches for the Ostriches' World Cup 25 qualifying run are as follows;

MD16: Fmjphoenix vs. Oglethorpia
MD17: Oglethorpia vs. System Karela
MD18: Israel4Ever vs. Oglethorpia

Joe Staplin of the Oglethorpian Association of Football provides his prediction of matchdays 16, 17 and 18; "I think Oglethorpia will make a 3-1 loss against Fmjphoenix, effectively eliminating them from qualification from the World Cup. Then against System Karela, Oglethorpia will manage a 1-1 draw, and a consolation victory vs. Israel4Ever, the scoreline 4-2." Staplin predicts a 1-1-1 preformance; far short of what is needed even for a poor probability of getting into the first round.

Most analysts agree that matchday sixteen is the key day in the Ostriches' long shot at qualification. "If they lose, they're mathmatically out," said one statistician. "But if they win, the three point swing makes it a two point game, at which point Oglethorpia is relying on poor luck for Fmjphoenix and good luck themselves. With Fmjphoenix not likely to lose a second time, it's safe to rule the Ostriches out of this Cup."

Matchday sixteen is the day of reckoning for Oglethorpia -- only the numbers shall tell the Ostriches' WC25 qualifying fate.