NationStates Jolt Archive

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The 25th World Cup is about to get under way at last, or at least the qualifying stage. The group draw took place today in Kaza and was broadcast live to the world by a global network of psychics known only as 'EsperNet'. It is not known whether the psychics knew the draw in advance.

The teams in each group were sorted into a random order for scheduling purposes so the top teams do not play each other at once. The schedule is thus:


MD1: 1 v 10 | 2 v 9 | 3 v 8 | 4 v 7 | 5 v 6
MD2: 10 v 6 | 7 v 5 | 8 v 4 | 9 v 3 | 1 v 2
MD3: 2 v 10 | 3 v 1 | 4 v 9 | 5 v 8 | 6 v 7
MD4: 10 v 7 | 8 v 6 | 9 v 5 | 1 v 4 | 2 v 3
MD5: 3 v 10 | 4 v 2 | 5 v 1 | 6 v 9 | 7 v 8
MD6: 10 v 8 | 9 v 7 | 1 v 6 | 2 v 5 | 3 v 4
MD7: 4 v 10 | 5 v 3 | 6 v 2 | 7 v 1 | 8 v 9
MD8: 10 v 9 | 1 v 8 | 2 v 7 | 3 v 6 | 4 v 5
MD9: 5 v 10 | 6 v 4 | 7 v 3 | 8 v 2 | 9 v 1

The home team is listed first. The schedule is reversed for MD10-18.


And here are the groups:


Group 1:
Kudlastan
Starblaydia
Da Philelfya Empiya
Kericia
Metfield
Rordia
Dauna Hills
Tadjikistan
Vilita
Lethislavania


Group 2:
The Archregimancy
Pastorville
The Lowland Clans
The Macabees
Rejistania
Adrasuvare
Squornshelous
Brazillico
Svecia
The Solar Association

Group 3:
Fmjphoenix
System Karela
Israel4Ever
Alan Shearer Heaven
Milchama
Limbrogidlia
Oglethorpia
Liverpool England
Ariddia
Druida

Group 4:
Oaker
Chicanada
Nova Britannicus
Jeruselem
Alemeinia
Giant Zucchini
Hypocria
San-Lorenzo
Kunar
Jacobian Tribes


Group 5:
Jon Parkin
Five Civilized Nations
Euroslavia
Spookyville
Bakostrovia
Kylaai
PopularFreedom
Crystilakere
Ruventsoria
Sarzonia


Group 6:
Casari
Commerce Heights
Cockbill Street
Revolutionarian Island
Michael Stricklandttttt
Praying2God
Alasdair I Frosticus
Bipedal Apes
Raptor Claw
Corruptomania


Group 7:
The Weegies
Spruitland
Trebnak
Nanakaland
Athestan
Lovisa
Bedistan
Kipto-Mare
Cuation
Demonlord12


Group 8:
Swilatia
Elrich
Ratlea
Crendonia
One Red Dot
Harlesburg
Hurfordia
Turori
Oliverry
Aztec Kingdom


Group 9:
Nedalia
Spaam
Total n Utter Insanity
Eauz
Da WhoseLine People
Adam Island
Yafor 2
Andossa Se Mitrin Vega
Hockey Canada
RyukyuDaitoKazanNampo


Group 10:
Pagajeucianism
Newcommunist Republics
Bettia
Tonissia
Caprine States
Krytenia
An archy
New Montreal States
The Gupta Dynasty
EL CID THE HERO

The top three in each group qualify - there are no playoffs.

The World Cup 25 Organising Committee wish all 100 teams in the qualification process the best of luck.

---------

All the latest results go in this thread (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showthread.php?t=451562). The rosters and styles for each team who have provided them are here (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showthread.php?t=447753).

j000 sux0rz

said callum banda to simeone di bradini.

To be continued...

PALADINS GET READY TO RUMBLE

Nous pouvons parler francais aussi

As World Cup 25 (finally) begins, the Paladins have been drawn into a balanced group consisting of several up-and-coming new teams and established powers. The run-down on these teams:

Pastorville - newly formed nation, composed of Evangelical Protestant ministers. After experiencing mild success in the Baptism of Fire, these guys are poised for some upset wins, and might determine who gets the 3rd playoff spot.

Alasdair I Frosticus - former powerhouse and WC2 hosts, recently decimated by a plague. They will be hard pressed in the tournament, but could pull off a shocker or two.

Nedalia - Lions will contend for a playoff spot, and could end up shipping the Paladins back to the Cup of Harmony. Our second match against these guys is a must-win.

Sarzonia - Ye gads. First-place lock, and so forth. Hopefully we won't look too bad against these guys. Les moines de L'Archregimancy disent que suffrir peut aider la croissance spirituelle - esperons que c'est vrai. (Let us hope that it is true that suffering is good for the soul)

Druida - This keeps getting better and better, don't it? On risque de terminer en forme de sacrifices humanes. (We risk ending up as human sacrifices)

The Gupta Dynasty - BoF participants, so at least they have some footballing experience. Other than that, we know nothing about these guys.

Elrich - On ne sait rien, parce que notre reportier que on avait envoyé s'est saoulé a l'aeroport et a manqué son avion. (We know nothing, as the reporter we sent to go investigate got drunk at the airport and missed his flight)

Athestan - See "The Gupta Dynasty."

Lethislavania - Hey, we know these guys! Rematch from WC24 qualifing. Hopefully we'll do as well as or better against them as we did in WC24.

-------

Home games will be played in the not-so-world-famous Paladin Dome, with 150,000 seats. Away games will be played in some foreign country.

Roster Thread! http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showthread.php?p=9746147#post9746147

--------

SCHEDULE ANNOUNCED

"We really, really didn't want to close out at Sarzonia," says one official

NEW MONTREAL - The Ministry of Morale has announced the Paladins schedule for WC25.

Matchday 1: NMS @ Druida
Matchday 2: NMS @ Lethislavania
Matchday 3: NMS vs. The Gupta Dynasty
Matchday 4: NMS @ Elrich
Matchday 5: NMS vs. Athestan
Matchday 6: NMS @ Pastorville
Matchday 7: NMS vs. Alasdair I Frosticus
Matchday 8: NMS @ Nedalia
Matchday 9: NMS vs. Sarzonia

For the second half, just flip around the @s and vs. to get the schedule.

Record qualifying season starts in Group 5

If the Sarzonian national football team is to advance to the World Cup finals for the seventh consecutive time, they will have to play a lot longer to do it. The team has been placed in a Group 5 that numbers 10 teams, and the Stars, like the other 99 teams in qualifying will have to play 18 matches in the groups stage.

"That's going to be quite a chore," Coach Barry Owens said. "Of course, we only played 10 matches in World Cup qualifying at Legalese when I coached there [during World Cup XXII]. "We're going to have to rely on our depth more in this Cup than we normally do."

To wit, the team said it would use both goalkeepers, starter Horace Sandt and reserve Harvey Cooley, and "it's only a matter of time" before Sandt's team record streak of 77 consecutive World Cup matches played comes to an end, Owens said. However, "Sandt is the mainstay of our starting 11 and he'll be there for all the important matches if he can stay healthy."

Sandt for his part has not announced his plans after a media outlet reported that he would retire after the Cup.

"That's not even on my radar screen," Sandt said. "My focus is bringing the World Cup back to Sarzonia where it belongs."

The team said it would be "extremely wary" of its draw in Group 5, with familiar foes Druida among the foes. Former Havenic region mates Lethislavania, former World Cup royalty Alasdair I Frosticus, and Nedalia are other opponents the Stars are expected to have some familiarity with. However, Owens pointed out that the senior national team have only faced Druida previously.

"We will get a good look at the history of the World Cup when we face Alasdair I Frosticus and the away leg in Lethislavania should be very interesting considering our relations with several Havenic nations," Owens said. "We also have our Atlantian Oceania stalwarts such as our good friends from Nedalia and our World Cup rivals in Druida." The Stars have faced Druida four times in World Cups XXII and XXIII.

The team said they should have a chance to qualify for the finals, but the team knows it can't take any opponent for granted.

"We've seen Talzeckia win its first-ever match away to Kylaai and we lost that match to Legalese [5-2 away during their first meeting with the Black and Red in World Cup XVIII]," midfielder Jenna Raven said. "We can't sleep on anyone in this Cup."

Boum Ba dam wa da doo... C'est le temps des prédictions...

It's with a french title that I start this RP:p

Anyway, here are the predictions for WC25Q Group 2, in which Oliverry is!

Oliverry
The Frogs had some problems in World Cup 24. Let's hope they won't this time. Their name has been announced first, so let's hope Margaret will be on their side(The president of the OSA did sacrifice some chicken so that the Oliverry Frenchies win)

Ariddia
The other frenchies in the group. The ones who started the World Cup. But did they win anything? No, so on s'en fout et on repassera

Corruptomania
YAY! A country led forever by the Canadian Liberal party and Paul Martin. Will they pay bribes to other teams to win, that's what we'll see

Revolutionarian Island
A team that will try a revolution in the world cup? Hahaha. Let's pass on...

Crystilakere
I heard this name somewhere but I don't remember much about them. But, we know they are good at soccer so let's be warned.

Rejistania
The perfect Karelan team. They will try to place va'karela everywhere, even in Oliverrian players soup, but, they will get surprised when they will not be able to cross the border to play in Oliverry

Caprine States
That's another team we don't know anything about. e wish them good luck anyway...

Limbrogidlia
Oliverry's dependant nation. Now, we'll pay them bribes so they let us win. If they don't, we will install an oppressing dictatorship there(with the help of the Rejistanian leader, which seems to know how to do so)

Chicanada
More known because of their performances at Ice Hockey, Chicanada is also good at soccer. Let's hope they will lose anyway to Oliverry

The Maccabees
It really seems to be the group of founders eh? The founder of the World Cup, the founder of NS Bowl and now, the founder of the Futsal World Cup. We wish them good luck as well as we don't know what to wait about them

I Ra~e'he shows World Cup 25 roster

Today, the temporary coach Hatime I Ra~e (pronounce as: Hahteemeh Ee Ray) explained the reporters the nominations for the rejistanian World Cup squad. Most surprising was the fact that Sines Exke took over the starting position on the left wing instead of Takil Manik. I Ra~e explained: "There were some reasons for this decision. Manik'he is not on the level of form he used to be. Well, and Hexatux said Exke'he would be better and I relie on the program here." The formation used will be a 6-3-1. This system is good in order not to concede, even though the temple uttered worries about it being "too attacking for Rejistania". New into the team came goalie Taka Ji, who will most likely replace Visnu Kanavan in less important matches. Also defenders Iasin Sala, Xixi Ita and Xiaren I Lel will advance into the main team after having played in the JJJ with the 'Perspective Team'. We hope these Orange-Blues will make their country proud: Han'iln, Junis-Omeh'ny!

Draw announced!

As the draw for the World Cup 25 qualifications’ groups was announced worldwide, the Ariddian team delegated forward player Frédéric Clément to make a few initial, unofficial comments to the press.

“Well, we already knew no group was going to be easy for us,” the young player began, his rather cheerful attitude belying his words. “Statistically, we’re supposed to come right at the bottom in *any* group. So the draw doesn’t make much difference in those terms. But we’re all. . . interested, and rather excited, to know who our opponents are going to be.

Oliverry speak French, like us. So we’ll probably have to speak Wymgani so they don’t understand what we’re saying.” He grinned. “I’ve been wanting to go on holiday to Oliverry for a while, and now I’ll be visiting the place at last. Corruptomania, Revolutionarian Island and Limbrogidlia we’ve never heard of, so we’ll be looking them up. It’ll be interesting to get to know new countries. Caprine States we know vaguely from futsal, but that’s about it. Playing against them will be. . . weird. Crystalakere’s become a vaguely familiar name, and they’ll probably be a tough opponent. Chicanada. . . they’re the ones with the sangria bubblegum, aren’t they? Uol’s been hoping they’ll be drunk on it and unable to play properly.

Who does that leave? Oh, yes, Rejistania! We’ll be looking forward to that one. It will be like the good old days. . . which, ah, none of us in *this* team actually ever experienced. And, finally, the Macabees. We’re really pleased about that. Somehow, it seems fitting that the founders of the international Futsal Tournament and the founders of the World Cup should meet in *both* sports. Besides” – he grinned again – “we beat them in futsal. So we intend to beat them in football as well.”

When asked whether there would be any last minute changes to the previously announced roster, Clément confirmed that there would not. Asked what his expectations were for the Ariddian team, Clément gave his customary grin once more.

“We’re going to win it! Our predecessors came close in World Cup 10, and they’re going to be an inspiration for us.” He smiled. “More realistically, we’re going to put all our efforts into qualifying. We’ll be treating every match as being of the utmost importance. We think we *can* qualify, and we don’t intend to just be an easy opponent other teams can rack up points against. It’s been a long time since the world has faced an Ariddian team,” he reminded the journalists jokingly. . . “and they’ve never before had to face an ulek (http://ns.goobergunch.net/wiki/index.php/Ulek)!”


Schedule

The home team is given first, contrary to standard Ariddian practice, in which the home team is given second (as in the wiki article on the Ariddian team):

MD1: Ariddia v. Chicanada
MD2: Oliverry v. Ariddia
MD3: Ariddia v. The Macabees
MD4: Ariddia v. Corruptomania
MD5: Revolutionarian Island v. Ariddia
MD6: Ariddia v. Crystalakere
MD7: Rejistania v. Ariddia
MD8: Ariddia v. Caprine States
MD9: Limbrogidlia v. Ariddia

Casari4sport

Casari, the second campaign
Hope rises that national team's second campaign is going to go better than the first

After Casari's freshman year in international soccer competition, which resulted in play in the entire family of World Cup Associated Competitions, a Cup of Harmony Final, and ending their inaugural season placed 43rd in the world.

All that has done in Casari is raise expectations for the second go-around.

Today, the first opponents to the Confed Tigers was revealed through the group draw.

Red is away dates Blue are home dates
MD1/10- Five Civilized Nations (26)- We know them. We beat them once last qualifying group. But they're still a challenge and a ways up the slope from us. Definately a more achieveable target now.
MD2/11- Oaker (8)- They're good. Maybe we can pinch one out at home if we're lucky, but we're going to have to look elsewhere for some wins.
MD3/12- Trebnak- To be honest, we can't actually find them on the KPB List. Maybe it's just because we have an old copy... but we expect good things from this game after 2 strong opponents.
MD4/13- Jacobian Tribes (156)- Another set of nice games for us.
MD5/14- An archy (108)- Finally, someone on the list. Honestly? They remind us of ourselves from last year's group. And last year we finished 4th, out on goal difference to this year's #42 Kipto-Mare. And last year we had about 80 ranks of seperation. Can you say sleepers? Yes. We can.
MD6/15- Metfield- Can't find them either. Really, we're not good at this. This is why we don't do these that often. But another pair, we're predicting.
MD7/16- Commerce Heights (21)- Another team above us. Probably a home win/tie with one going the other way on the other end. Basically, we'll know what the group will be like by the time we're this deep in.
MD8/17- Ruventsoria (51)- More or less our partners in mid-table obscurity. We'll probably go win-tie or split against them. Nothing overly wonderful, but no hideous failures of death.
MD9/18- PopularFreedom (73)- The third team of our generation in this group, PopularFreedom hasn't had the successes of us and Ruventsoria. They'll how a decent performance and pull off a few suprises, but not enough to make it through.

Tiger-kit top selling in Casari
We have no clue why (http://i16.photobucket.com/albums/b20/Casari/kit2.png)

The tremendously ugly Casaran Tiger away kits (http://i16.photobucket.com/albums/b20/Casari/kit2.png) are now the best selling in Casari.

"I don't think our fans understand that the entire point of the kits in the first place is that noone on earth would want to be anywhere near them." GM/C Vivica Hill said in their first press release of the campaign.

The fact that people are buying them just to have them regardless of the uglyness has been considered, but thrown out because they are just so ugly.

Casari National Stadium prepared for new season
New Crush barriers installed, among other things

The refurbishment of Casari National Stadium was completed today with the replacement of the stadium's crush barriers and replacement of the individual seats with full banks with multiple bolt-points and heavy-duty hinges.

"Our goal is to try and prevent anything from flying through the stands this year." The stadium Manager said when asked about the details.

Bill Posters is still not happy. His aim to see why Trevor Chem never looked a day older by setting up a new Druidan Intelligence Service had failed, on the basis that he didn't get the easy presidential election victory many expected. Indeed, he didn't get any kind of victory. He lost to a nobody called Ellis, a puppet politician of Keep Druida Drunk. But then they did use plenty of subliminal messages during their broadcasts.

And now Druida is drunk again, except for a small minority. Their leader? Bill Posters. And he's doing everything he can in his role as a multimedia personality to get the message across again. MAKE DRUIDA SOBER!

But it isn't going to plan.

"Liam, this isn't going to plan."

Just like I said.

"I really don't know what it is, Bill. I really don't."

As a former international team-mate of Bill's from back in the days of NEWI Cefn Druids, Liam Gessemschmitthaagem-Po has long been a trustworthy colleague. Most of the time. Since he took up Posters' offer of being his second in command, he has discovered that this campaigning lark has more going for it than he once thought.

"I mean, it wasn't easy the first time round, but now... now it's as if... as if it doesn't matter what we say, no matter how much we remind them how life was before, it just has absolutely no effect whatsoever."

"Even the political broadcasts?"

"Nothing! And we get this clown as our so-called leader. I mean, it's not even him who leads the country. He's controlled by what you might want to call 'less acceptable parties'."

"I don't know what you mean?"

"The KDD terrorists. The Free Alcoholic Army. They're behind Ellis, I have no doubt about it."

"So why don't you tell the world? I mean, you work for a national newspaper, can't you write it up in there?"

"Evidence, Liam. We need the evidence. Not just evidence that Ed Wilson is operating Ellis from behind, but that the election was won fraudulently."

"And where are we going to get that evidence?"

"Don't worry. I have my ways!"

"Oh yeah?"

"Yeah. Anyway Liam, what's that you're chewing on?"

"Oh, it's the new World Cup gum. Each nation's got one that supposed to represent their country in some way."

"And what have we got? Probably some alcoholic beverage of some kind, no doubt."

"Nope. Apple."

"Oh. Well, maybe one day it might be a more suitable one for us, eh?"

"Yeah."

"Shall we get this group draw preview out of the way, then?"

"Let's do it!"

- - - - - - - - - - -

The Daily Druid

DRUIDA CONFIDENT ABOUT QUALIFYING
But then, Bill Posters and Liam Gessemschmitthaagen-Po did see us at World Cup 24

Oh, the joys of another qualifying campaign are upon us again. This time, we've got eighteen whole qualifying matches to endure, hopefully enough for the rainbows to actually hit their stride before the last three games. Here's hoping, anyway. It usually takes us ten games or so to get going, so if you see anything else, then that might be a worrying sign.

And who are we up against? We'll tell you...

Matchdays 1 & 10: New Montreal States
Obviously the NMS press haven't seen a Druida match lately, otherwise they really wouldn't be so worried about facing the rainbows. They've got a good enough bunch of teams, and they'll probably get one of their better college outfits out against us so that they get a good start. And, considering where they are on hte fixture list, we'll be lucky if we get three points from our two games.

Matchdays 2 & 11: The Gupta Dynasty
An unknown quantity. Apparently, they're something to do with the Yaforites and that they sound quite Indian. Six points will be damanded from the two games here.

Matchdays 3 & 12: Elrich
A team who had a solid framework from which to push on from, but still haven't done as yet. We haven't heard so much out of their camp lately, and we should fancy our chances against them for a couple of wins.

Matchdays 4 & 13: Athestan
The name rings a bell, but then so do campanologists, and they can't play football. Six points or else...

Matchdays 5 & 14: Pastorville
Well, they're religious types, so that won't do them any favours when they come to our atheist nation. They're also fresh out of the Baptism of Fire, something that could make them dark horses in the group, a team we could potentially slip up agianst. Hopefully, the rainbows should earn four points as a bare minimum, though.

Matchdays 6 & 15: Alasdair I Frosticus
It's their first cup since... well, about the time when most Druidans were still grunting primates. Of course, with most nations, you would say I was being overly sarcastic, and should just say "for about 75 years", but then when you consider what the average Druidan is like nowadays, we probably aren't all that far off the mark. Anyway, Druidans might struggle to travel into a dreamed realm (they do have that there, don't they?), so expect home wins in both fixtures, as the teams struggle to adjust to each others' environments.

Matchdays 7 & 16: Nedalia
They're getting better all the time, and after looking at the teams in our group, we're expecting them to qualify from this group, possibly ahead of the Rainbows. A tough proposition. We're not sure what to expect, but at least one win would be nice.


Matchdays 8 & 17: Sarzonia
Yes, it's Druida in qualifying, and look who we've drawn again. This is Druida's third qualifying round in a row that they'll be facing Sarzonia, what with us not having to go through the whole process as hosts last time round. As far as I can remember, our record against them is an absolute shambles, too. In typical Druidan style, though, we think that we might actually win, but only if a) we don't admit it, and b) don't actually think it is possible. So, having said that, chalk us down for two defeats.

Matchdays 9 & 18: Lethislavania
Remember when they burst onto the scene at World Cup 19, qualified for World cup 20, then hosted World Cup 21? Well, they kind of burst in, then stood round wondering what the hell to do once they were there. They're still wondering to this day. We think Druida should get a minimum of four points from their two encounters.

So there you have it, a quick rundown on how we think the Druida Rainbows should do in World Cup 25 qualifying. Both of us think that Druida should actually make it this time. Here are our predictions for the final positions.


Bill's Prediction Liam's Prediction
Sarzonia 1 Sarzonia
Nedalia 2 Druida
Druida 3 Nedalia
New Montreal States 4 New Montreal States
Elrich 5 Pastorville
Lethislavania 6 Lethislavania
Pastorville 7 Alasdair I Frosticus
Alasdair I Frosticus 8 Elrich
The Gupta Dynasty 9 Athestan
Athestan 10 The Gupta Dynasty


Meanwhile, our new reporter Eric Tree has made his prediction. We think he might be on somehting, though...


Eric's Prediction
1 Druida
2 Sarzonia
3 New Montreal States
4 Nedalia
5 Lethislavania
6 Alasdair I Frosticus
7 Pastorville
8 Athestan
9 Elrich
10 The Gupta Dynasty


Finally, looking at the groups, we've all made a few predictions as to who'll make it to the finals. Think of this as a consensus we reached after a good five minutes discussion. Of course, this list isn't to say that we don't think there are others who stand a chance. We're definately not going to get it 100% right. But we'd like to think we've got two of them, at least.

Hosts
Kaze Progressa
Audioslavia

Group One
Starblaydia
Vilita
Bettia

Group Two
Rejistania
Crystilakere
Oliverry

Group Three
Cockbill Street
One Red Dot
Spruitland

Group Four
Krytenia
Jeruselem
Hockey Canada

Group Five
Sarzonia
Druida
Nedalia

Group Six
EL CID THE HERO
Piddly Little Island [OOC: That's the Druidan nickname for Turori, for those who don't know.]
Bipedal Apes

Group Seven
Svecia
Squornshelous
Kylaai

Group Eight
Bedistan
Eauz
The Archregimancy

Group Nine
Commerce Heights
Oaker
Ruvnestoria

Group Ten
Liverpool England
Fmjphoenix
Tadjikistan

Like we say, some of those decisions of who we thought would make it were more dificult than others. We're also expecting one of the most RPed cups since the mega-double-threads of about World Cup 6, when most Druidans were neanderthals who communicated through grunting. But we've been through that discussion already...

Diary of a soldier...

I can see my father laughing at me as I write this. Some idiot at the World Cup headquarters must have thought that watching fans throw flaming projectiles at one another was good wholesome television since we got PopularFreedom in our pool again. It wasn't bad enough at the Jeremy Jaffacake tournament that they put us at the same pool but now again we have to face each other. I think they play in Trebnak then we play there, or viceversa. Oh man what hell is that gonna be, trying to protect Johan Jodoski from those PopularFreedom nuts. At least supposedly their home game is being played in a different city than where Jodoski originally came from but still if those nut case North Beach Shark fans came to the Jeremy Jaffacake tourney then they no doubt will travel a few hundred kilometres to this game no doubt. Who else is in my pool, ah who cares, at least I got a new baton that has a stun setting. Just like a stun gun but on a baton.

*the soldier puts down for his pen for a second, pulls out the baton and turns on the stun setting while swinging it around. Accidentally he drops it and it falls on his leg stunning himself*

AAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

*The soldier rolls on the ground in pain*

*A 5 year old boy walks with his mother down the streets of Loyalty Bay. He looks at a sign on a travel agency shop and says it outloud*

'Match day 6. Reserve your trip to Pearson Cliffs, PopularFreedom now.'

*He keeps walking and notices another sign outside a bar*

'JODOSKI IS COMING. WORLD CUP SOCCER, MATCHDAY 6!'

*He notices a few t shirts of some college students as they walk bye*

'We welcome Jodoski'

*He notices the middle finger raised underneath those words and is confused by it having seen it before often but never really understanding what it means*

*His mom brings him into a building where he is led into a preschool room. His mom leaves him with the lady who later in the day organizes all the children into groups to sing their favourite song*

*The 5 year old is happy with glee as he sings the song with his classmates*

'KILL, JODO-SKI! OOOGA, OOOGA, OOOGA, OOOGA. KILL, JODO-SKI! OOOGA, OOOGA, OOOGA, OOOGA...'

Casari4sport

Casari senses impending violence already in Trebnak-PopularFreedom matchups
Attempts to be helpful mediator

In an interest to keep group harmony and prevent a wholesale slaughter, the Casaran Soccer Authority has offered both security and/or a secure neutral site to play the match.

"We routinely have to prevent fights between groups of opposing fans and attempts to murder players while on the pitch in the Casaran Professional Leauges. While Casari National Stadium is occupied by us, we can offer the use of Tyrellia Hill or Four Towers in the Capital City of Tyrellia, as well as Golden Bay stadium in Netsuoka in case the teams feel they would like a secure neutral site. All three stadiums, home to Casari's largest club teams and with capacities over 60,000, feature some of the best and newest security features we can offer." Wilson Graham, head of the Casari Soccer Authority said. "However, you might have to deal with several thousand drunk Casaran Fans at the same time."

"As well, we can provide a bunch of security personnel and portable metal detectors to reinforce your local security measures. Or we can do nothing at all, it's your funerals." He continued, shrugging.

Chi Sun-Times-Tribune-Star-News-Today

Sports Section

Milchama feel good about draw

Milchamian predictions over the years (WC 24) have been much maligned as over confident, stupid and down right hilarious. This year promises to be no different as after looking at the group Coach Jonathan Fairbanks said, "There seems to be two or three teams that can challenge us and we think we can beat them. If we beat them we qualify." Now on to the predictions:
GROUP 7
Euroslavia- A mod so we can't be too tough but they did compete in the World Cup before but have not done so for a few cups. Could be a walk over could be a tough match we just don't know
Svecia- Good team ranked #21 in the world. Should advance unless something really fluky happens. Will probably finish behind Squornshelous.
San-Lorenzo- Puppet of Squornshelous. We should be able to beat them in both legs but you never know.
Oglethorpia- Ranked 32 in the world and higher than us. Supposedly was once a great soccer playing nations winning world cups and getting to world cup finals. Those days are now long gone. Should be an interesting two matches.
Squornshelous- Best team in our group and will probably easily qualify for the World Cup. Only question should be how many points?
Swilatia- Don't know anything about them. We think they suck. Should be able to beat them. Good nation name though sounds African.
Milchama- That's us we're ranked 56
Kylaai- Ranked 35 in the world although we don't know much about them. We assume their good but don't have the faintest idea about how good. Should be able to beat them.
Alan Shearer Heaven- We take it as a matter of pride to beat them because they used to be Shearer Heaven. They also sucked in the BoF should be walkovers.
Kudlastan- Have the same ranking as our puppet Collonie. So they at least past the group stages of the BoF. We should still beat them anyway.

Predictions:
1. Squornshelous
2. Svecia
3. Milchama
4. Oglethorpia
5. Kylaai
6. San Lorenzo
7. Euroslavia
8. Kudlastan
9. Alan Shearer Heaven
10. Swilatia

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World Cup 25 Group Draw Special Report

KAZA, Kaze Progressa -- Football association heads from all over the world, from Bedistan to Starblaydia to Spruitland to Krytenia, were on hand for the long-awaited official World Cup 25 qualifying group draw. What's that you say? "Atlantian Oceania" is not synonymous with "the world"? Someone's off their meds again...

At any rate, Bedistan was drawn into Group Eight. We are, of course, obliged to give you a rundown of the group, so here you go.

#3 Bedistan
(KPB coefficient (http://www.geocities.com/faiweirafma/KPBRankings25.xls): 49.86)
The Lions have been a World Cup fixture for longer than most people can remember, with only a few other nations matching their longevity: Squornshelous, also competing since World Cup 5; One Red Dot, dating all the way back to WC4 (we think they've been in every one since then, but aren't quite certain); Audioslavia, playing since WC3; and Svecia, around since at least WC3. We don't count Ariddia or Brazillico here because their participation has not been continuous. Due to Total n Utter Insanity inexplicably not being here this time, Bedistan now becomes tied for the fourth-longest continuously-participating nation.

Oh, and the Lions are the best team the world has ever seen and will pwn j00 all.

UR Da WhoseLine People
(KPB coefficient: 0.00)
Good thing the points don't matter for them, because they're not likely to see very many. Don't expect them to be able to improvise a win or even a draw with the Lions.

#119 Da Philelfya Empiya
(KPB coefficient: 1.50)
Unfortunately, we BSD reporters lack the creativity to attempt to duplicate the Philelfyan dialect here, so we apologize for not trying. Anyway, they do have some experience, having recently participated in the Baptism of Fire, so don't underestimate their youthful spirit.

#82 Brazillico
(KPB coefficient: 4.29)
Yes, it's the same nation that won World Cups 5 and 6, becoming the first nation ever to win two back-to-back, but the Chili Bats have seen better days, to say the least. They might be able to scrape a mid-table finish if they're lucky.

#179 Bakostrovia
(KPB coefficient: 0.38)
Well, um, they're ranked. I suppose that's something. Only just barely, though, so expect them to be hanging out down in the cellar with their unranked friends. Hope they like improv.

#44 The Weegies
(KPB coefficient: 8.96)
Ah, a slightly more familiar name. They've been around for a long time, but have never really made it big. When the dust settles, expect to find them lurking just outside the qualification slots.

#31 Harlesburg
(KPB coefficient: 15.84)
Relatively quiet, but a strong team nonetheless. They'll certainly be challenging for qualification.

#54 The Archregimancy
(KPB coefficient: 7.67)
The Archregimancy has certainly made a name for itself both in on-the-field performance and by co-hosting the latest incarnation of the Cup of Harmony. Their devotion to football isn't quite as great as their religious devotion, but it will still take them a long way.

#17 Eauz
(KPB coefficient: 34.30)
Eauz is a nation that Bedistan has a fair bit of history with. Les Bleus defeated the Lions in the final of World Cup 16, but the two set aside their rivalry to co-host World Cup 18 together. Once a footballing superpower as great as Rejistania or Sarzonia, Eauz has slipped a bit in the last decade, but is certainly still a strong opponent.

#156 Michael Sticklandttttt
(KPB coefficient: 0.75)
Besides being fiendishly difficult to spell and pronounce, there's really nothing notable about this nation.


So where will everyone finish? For the answer to that question, we shall defer to Bedistan Sports Television's Mike Green III, who thinks the group will look like this:

1. Bedistan
2. Harlesburg
3. Eauz
4. The Archregimancy
5. The Weegies
6. Brazillico
7. Da Philelfya Empiya
8. Bakostrovia
9. Da WhoseLine People
10. Michael Sticklandttttt


Bedistan's schedule:
2084
Mar 11 v Michael Sticklandttttt
Apr 15 v Da WhoseLine People
May 13 @ Da Philelfya Empiya
Jun 24 v Brazillico
Jul 15 @ Bakostrovia
Aug 19 v The Weegies
Sep 9 @ Harlesburg
Oct 7 v The Archregimancy
Nov 11 @ Eauz

2085
Feb 24 @ Michael Sticklandttttt
Mar 3 @ Da WhoseLine People
Apr 28 v Da Philelfya Empiya
May 5 @ Brazillico
Jun 16 v Bakostrovia
Jul 14 @ The Weegies
Aug 4 v Harlesburg
Sep 29 @ The Archregimancy
Oct 13 v Eauz

"You do know that you can't go in there?"

The security guard looked up to see a familiar face stood in front of him.

"Don't you know who I am?"

"Of course I do, sir. But that doesn't mean you can enter this room. It's government personnel only."

"And if it wasn't for what is in that room, I'd be more that bloody government personnel!"

"Well, you're not. So you can't come in."

"Not even if I throw in some tickets for the NMS game at The Hole?"

"Why would I want to go watch them? They've got mad evisceratomatoes, haven't they?"

"They have?"

"Er... no... sorry... someone call security..."

"Aren't you security?"

"Well... yes... but..."

"So then you can let me past!"

"Mr. Posters, I'm going to have to ask you to leave now, and if you don't, I have permission to physically throw you out of the building."

"OK, OK, I'm going..."

With the groups having been announced and some predictions made, the Sea Dragons are ready to prove the critics wrong.

GROUP 4
Yafor 2
Hockey Canada
Israel4Ever
Andossa Se Mitrin Vega
Krytenia
Nova Britannicus
Spaam
Jeruselem
Jon Parkin
Crendonia

Coach D'Champaign had this to say - "We dont know much about the teams in our group, but that doesn't really matter. We will be physical and agressive on defense. That approach has served us very well. We made the finals of the BoF undefeated before losing the final match to Cuation on a stoppage time goal. Only once in the JJJ were we defeated by more than one goal, and I dont see Liverpool England in this group. Hockey Canada we HAVE seen. They bested us by one goal in the JJJ. I think we can turn some heads here and just maybe sneak into the next round."

"No one thought we would do anything in the BoF, and everyone thought we were just another "gimme game" in the JJJ. We may have lost the BoF final and most of our JJJ games, but the opposition definately remembers us. I can Guarantee that. As for the predictions - we thrive on this [edit]! Let them underestimate us again. We will be ready to change that!"

The Nedalia Lions

Nedalia Group Draw
Pastorville
Alasdair I Frosticus
Nedalia
Sarzonia
Druida
New Montreal States
The Gupta Dynasty
Elrich
Athestan
Lethislavania

Kafra, Nedalia - "It could've been worse."

That is the general sentiment coming out of Nedalia after the draws were announced for the upcoming qualifiers for WC 25. While the first two positions will be booked, reserved, and placed on hold for Sarzonia and Druida, both Nedalia's AO counterparts, the last qualifying position will most likely an all-out war, with all teams ready to go down with all guns blazing.

"I have a feeling that we wont know all 3 qualifying teams until the last matchday," stated manager Randy Gamman. "Druida and Sarzonia are obviously favorites, but after that, it gets a little hazy."

The Lions, however, have gone into their training camp fairly confident about their chances. They qualified for their first World Cup last time after an unbelievable playoff matchup against [b]The Archregimancy, and will be looking to emulate that feat this time around. A few of the teams in the group they have already faced, so they will be able to prepare accordingly. They faced Sarzonia once in the AOCAF VIII group stages, losing 3-1 with Mattan scoring the only Nedalian goal. Suprisingly, the only time they faced Druida the Lions actually won. In a recent match during the AOCAF 10 tournament, Nedalia and Druida matchup in a high intensity matchup in the semi-finals, with the Lions coming on top after a penalty shootout. The only other team the Lions have faced are Lethislavania, whom they competed against in the WC 23 qualifying stages, defeating them once and drawing once.

The rest of group features such teams as New Montreal States, Pastorville, and Alasdair I Frosticus, all capable of qualifying to the finals themselves. But Gamman seems to be fairly confident that this is the best team to attempt to make the World Cup that Nedalia has presented yet.

"Alot of the players are in their prime. Nene has just become a team within himself. Our strikeforce has never been deadlier. Our defense has the experience and the athletism to match any oncoming attacks. And ofcourse, or bread and butter is our midfield, and with players such as Point, Nene, and Hardman, we put ourselves in a great position to qualify."

Nedalia will be hoping so.

BoF Winners Cuation in tough group 3

Manager Jude spoke to the press "The fixture list has been handed out to the players and confidence is not high. Cuation has only played nine games togther and have never played the big teams. Such inexpirence will no doubt prove costly for us and we conceded thirteen goals in nine games, so after our freindly against the Macabee's we have been working on our defence and team play when we lose the ball. Hopefully the fans support at the Southern Island Peaks will boost our chances for we face a long hard slog. At home we will look to win against those we should and suprise some teams and away hope to gain some wins against teams not to out of our leaue and maybe some draws. I want us to give everyone a hard game, keep of the bottom, make an impression and while I doubt we can challenge for qualifction, move within the top hundrered by being in the middle or so of the group."

Cuation vs One Red Dot, match one(home) and ten(away)

Quite frankly, we expect to be thrashed against a nation who is so high in the rankings and has a long history in the World Cup. A drew would be a miracle and a narrow defeat would be a brilliant job

Cuation vs Hurfordia, 2(h) and 11(a)

Well they show how far a team can advance, as the Baptisim of Fire winners before us, it would be great to beat them. However they are just to good for us though I'm sure we will give them a hard game.

We have an extra man in the middle with our 4-5-1 and hopefully our defence can blunt the attacking nature of the team

Adrasuvare vs Cuation, 3(a) and 12(h)

We should win these games and it is vital that we do so, if we are to stand any chance. After the potential thrashings that could happen before, a good win would be morale boosting. However unknown teams are dangerous if understimated

Cuation vs Tonissia, 4(h) and 13(a)

We will be the underdogs but with hard training, skill and a bit of luck, we can cuase an upset in our home game.

System Karela vs Cuation, 5(a) and 14(h)

If we are to stand a chance, we must take four points from this team who are above us, but only just. A decent showing and wins may allow us to push into the top hundred in the rankings, which is the teams goal for this World Cup.

Failing that, we will make sure there are no 0-0 draws between the two teams

Cuation vs Cockbill Street, 6(h) and 15(a)

Facing two teams in the top twenty is going to be hard. In the top ten, Cockbill will be too much for Cuation but won't find the players rolling over. A 2-3 defeat would be brilliant

Adam Island vs Cuation, 7(a) and 16(h)

Like Adrasuvare, Cuation expect to take full points but will be wary of an upset. Cuation expect a good fight for the points but hope recent expirence will aid us

Wiht 4-5-1 vs 4-4-2, we hope to control the midfield and thus gain the upper hand

Cuation vs Newcommunist Republics, 8(h) and 17(a)

A fellow Baptisim of Fire team, they put up a good showing before going out in the regional semi finals. Wil be tough but Cuation will hope for 4 points in the aftermath and beating teams like this will be vital for the team to improve their standing

Spruitland vs Cuation, 9(a) and 18(h)

Another example of how far a Baptisim of Fire Team can go, Cuation will struggle against the side in the top thirty. The last game at home will not be one of rejocing I fear.

But hey, at least we are not playing the Macabee's.

http://i6.photobucket.com/albums/y231/bettia/enlight.gif

Intriguing... But Bloody Tough

That's how Laxtu Takil, manager of Bettia, described his team's draw for the group stages of World Cup 25. There are some interesting prospects in store in their marathon 18-match qualifying schedule - The Enlightener's footy guru Mike Daykyn assesses the Aroras' chances.

Matchdays 1 & 10: Vilita
That's right - fresh from co-hosting the Baptism of Fire, Bettia must travel to Vilita in their opening match before hosting them at Stadiwm Bettia. Let's face it, the Aroras haven't had a tougher start to a World Cup campaign since their debut in WC22. Bettia and Vilita have played each other just once, with Vilita running out easy 3-0 winners in AOCAF X. Our boys will be hard-pushed to get anything from these games.

Matchdays 2 & 11: Nanakaland
Next up are mid-table Nanakaland who, like Bettia, have a Rejistanian coach. Thats where the similarity ends, as the 'nakas will be employing a typically Karelan formation against Bettia's all-out-attack (although the word is that Takil is looking to instill a more defensive mindset in his squad. Whether he succeeds or not is another matter - telling Bettian sportmen to be defensive is like telling an arora to stop looking wierd). Bettia will be looking to gain a good win at home, although the away leg will be a different matter altogether.

Matchdays 3 & 12: Starblaydia
The second of the AO giants that Bettia must face, who were also the Aroras' ever opponents in World Cup competition. The two teams have faced each other three times, with Starblaydia winning twice. Again, this will be a tough task and Bettia will be lucky to get any points here.

Matchdays 4 & 13: Spookyville
One of the four newcomers to the NS footy scene, Spookyville will be looking to improve on their so-so performance in the Baptism of Fire. If you'll pardon the pun, Bettia will be looking to get their claws stuck into the Claws, roared on by the passionate Butetown locals.

Matchdays 5 & 14: Kericia
For the second World Cup running, Bettia will be facing Kericia in the qualiying round. Last time out, the Aroras secured a stylish 3-1 win at home before scrapping their way to a 2-2 draw in Kericia to help ensure their spot in the playoffs. The first match is at Kericia's national stadium (which has an athletics track around it - why God, why?) before hosting them at Shubunkin Park. Again, these will be tight even matchups that could go either way.

Matchdays 6 & 15: Lovisa
The third of Group One's 'big three' are Lovisa, whom Bettia faced in the qualifiers for WC23. Back then, the Lovisans cruised to a 2-0 home win, before Bettia ground out a highly creditable draw at home. It'll take similar heroics to snatch any points this time around.

Matchdays 7 & 16: Ratlea
Ratlea make up the quartet of Atlantian Oceanian nations looking to dominate this group. After putting in a good performance in the Baptism of Fire, the Ratleans look capable of pulling off an upset or two. Hopefully, our lads won't be on the receiving end, and instead will claim some much-needed wins.

Matchdays 8 & 17: Rordia
The last of the Baptism of Fire entrants, and the weakest of the three. The home leg sees Porthbalfa hosting its first ever international at their smart new stadium.

Matchdays 9 & 18: Pagajeucianism
Bettia's last opponents are a country so obscure, the writer couldn't find them on the rankings list - so I'll just assume they're not very good. Six points in the bag, perhaps?

After running the runners and riders through a series of complex calculations and computations, The Enlightener predicts the final standings will be as follows: -Lovisa
Vilita
Starblaydia
Bettia
Kericia
Ratlea
Spookyville
Nanakaland
Pagajeucianism
RordiaYes dear readers, unfortunately the gap in class between Bettia and the 'big three' looks to be too big for the plucky Aroras to overcome. Then again, computers are known to make mistakes...

Elsewhere in our neck of the woods, it looks as though Cockbill Street and Spruitland will be fighting it out with One Red Dot for supremecy in Group 3, Nedalia look to have a difficult time as they face off against Lethislavania and AO stalwarts Druida and Sarzonia, whilst Hypocria will be hoping they fare much better than last time, even though they must play Liverpool England, Fmjphoenix and Tadjikistan. On the other hand, this writer will be forgiven for saying that Bedistan have got their group sown up already.

Fixtures

01:.........Vilita vs. Bettia
02:.........Bettia vs. Nanakaland (Campus Ground, Grappenhall)
03:....Starblaydia vs. Bettia
04:.........Bettia vs. Spookyville (Alice Street, Butetown, Gabalfa)
05:........Kericia vs. Bettia (BNU Arena, Burnaby, Kericia)
06:.........Bettia vs. Lovisa (Thamitra Gate, Tamrida)
07:.........Ratlea vs. Bettia
08:.........Bettia vs. Rordia (Docklands Park, Porthbalfa)
09: Pagajeucianism vs. Bettia
10:.........Bettia vs. Vilita (Stadiwm Bettia, Gabalfa)
11:.....Nanakaland vs. Bettia
12:.........Bettia vs. Starblaydia (Stadiwm Bettia, Gabalfa)
13:....Spookyville vs. Bettia
14:.........Bettia vs. Kericia (Shubunkin Park, Akani Sands)
15:.........Lovisa vs. Bettia
16:.........Bettia vs. Ratlea (The Gasworks, Gabalfa)
17:.........Rordia vs. Bettia
18:.........Bettia vs. Pagajeucianism (Al-Fath Stadium, Sukatra)

Jeruselem FA meeting room

Jeruselem coach: JC
CEO of Jeruselem FA: CEO

CEO: The groups have come in

GROUP 4
Yafor 2
Hockey Canada
Israel4Ever
Andossa Se Mitrin Vega
Krytenia
Nova Britannicus
Spaam
Jeruselem
Jon Parkin
Crendonia

JC: Yafor 2 - Dangerous team. The U21 and Futsal results have shown that, what do you think?
CEO: They are a chance, but probably not World Cup 25
JC: Our friends Hockey Canada.
CEO: Hopefully they'll make it as long as they don't get in our way
JC: Israel4Ever, a rookie team. Another Israel claimant
CEO: Don't worry about them
JC: Krytenia - Great world cup team and definite contender. We'll need to be at our best to beat them
CEO: True, true. Top 3 material
JC: Nova Britannicus, a chance but don't know
CEO: They can be good. If they don't mess it up at the end
JC: Spaam, old associates.
CEO: Got to watch them still
JC: Jon Parkin, not them again!
CEO: We'll teach them a lesson and hopefully the other teams too
JC: Crendonia, no idea.
CEO: Need to check Google NS ...
JC: Andossa Se Mitrin Vega, err ...
CEO: ... err ... shouldn't pose a threat
JC: So, top 3 - what do you think. Jeruselem, Hockey Canada, Krytenia
CEO: What about Jeruselem, Krytenia, Spaam?
JC: Anyway, Group looks easier that others
CEO: Yeah, Nedalia have to meet Sarzonia and Druida. Not much fun
JC: We'll send the Lions our best wishes anyway
CEO: They'll need a few prayers when playing Sarzonia too

This is An Archist News, your official station for the An archist NS World Cup team.

Patty Paterson: The time has come for the An archists to play their first World Cup qualifying match. On matchday one, the team will play Metfield, and An archist goalie Robert Robertson will have his first true test against experienced international soccer stars.

John Johnson: Yes, Robertson was probably the star of the Baptism of Fire Cup, playing incredibly despite only having two defenders. Now, though, he faces a real challenge against Metfield.

Patty Paterson: If he performs that well against the veteran superstars in the qualifying stages, An archy is sure advance to the Cup, and Robertson is sure to become an international soccer celebrity. He talked with reporters earlier about his expectations for the qualifying rounds.

Robert Robertson: I hope I can do well against these guys. That would be awesome. I've got to keep in top form though; I can't forget that I only have two guys back on defense, so there's no room for error. I've even started to get out of the habit of smoking weed at half time. That's definately helped.

Patty Paterson: Tomorrow we'll be doing a player profile of Harry Harrison.

This has been a presentation of An Archist News, the official station of the An archist NS World Cup team.

RI doomed say experts

Group not what RI want as D2R say qualification is minimum

Revolutionarian Island look like they will take the full force of D2R army after looking at the draw for World Cup 25. Then again, the RI government feel unfairly treated as given a seemingly impossible task of qualifying at the first attempt.

The group that was drawn looked like this


Oliverry
Ariddia
Corruptomania
Revolutionarian Island
Crystilakere
Rejistania
Caprine States
Limbrogidlia
Chicanada
The Macabees

Dance 2 Revolution have plenty of experience with Rejistania, and could obviously give Revolutionarian Island some tips; but that won't happen. Revolutionarian Island will be going into this game basically blind. However, 42 year old Revolutionarian Island striker Über and 68 year old Revolutionarian Island Manager Naoki Maeda along with the Maeda family coaching staff have bags of international experience, and will hope to attempt to get Revolutionarian Island as far as possible.

Comments about Group 2

Oliverry:
Hatime I Ra~e: They appear to be defeatable, even though it won't be as easy as against these lower teams.
Sirake Tekim: They are both takilan and French, which most likely means they will attack and surrender then
Hexatux: SYNTAX ERROR

Ariddia:
Hatime I Ra~e: Ariddia is no longer on the level, it used to be when we played against them in World Cup 9. I think this match will have a high psychological effect. Ariddia was the first top ten team, the Orange-Blues defeated.
Sirake Tekim: I predict a 3:0 for us for the first match and a 5:0 for the secon. At least this is what I can interpolate from the available data
Hexatux: SYNTAX ERROR

Corruptomania:
Hatime I Ra~e: This should be easy matches for us.
Sirake Tekim: I predict them to win both matches against us 1:0. The referees seem to like them
Hexatux: SYNTAX ERROR

Revolutionarian Island:
Hatime I Ra~e: Revolutionary island suffered from civil war and disorder, They won't get things done in WC17 form anymore. I expect us to win here.
Sirake Tekim: Über? More like Unter!
Hexatux: SYNTAX ERROR! FFS!

Crystilakere:
Hatime I Ra~e: We will not take this match lightly. They know how to pull upsets!
Sirake Tekim: Get Busy, child and make the crystal crack. Coming back to old glory is the task. We'll see you in Vegas!*
Hexatux: SYNTAX ERROR! FFS!

Caprine States:
Hatime I Ra~e: Playing against a nonhuman team is always difficult! Also they are a team, which is on the rise.
Sirake Tekim: Biz daha iyiyiz!**
Hexatux: SYNTAX ERROR! Change user!

Rejistania:
Hatime I Ra~e: I hope, the Orange-Blues can continue the good performance, they showed under Siki Rej's guidance.
Sirake Tekim: FIFA'het'lil lansane'het raju! FIFA'het mi'lil xen!
Hexatux: Rejistania, RJS, 182-44-51 562:240 +322

Limbrogidlia:
Hatime I Ra~e: They appear to be defeatable, more defeatable than Oliverry!
Sirake Tekim: Don't theyx have a flag which is like totally white?
Hexatux: MISSING DATA!

Chicanada:
Hatime I Ra~e: I assume they have a good chance to fight for qualification.
Sirake Tekim: Another canadian team? I depand a pay rise!
Hexatux: MISSING DATA!

The Macabees:
Hatime I Ra~e: This should be three points for us!
Sirake Tekim: "We are young and without success, but on the rising path"? They are another newbie, who has to prove to belong into the World Cup.
Hexatux: MISSING REJ'HE!

GROUP 2
Oliverry
Ariddia
Corruptomania
Revolutionarian Island
Crystilakere
Rejistania
Caprine States
Limbrogidlia
Chicanada
The Macabees

*OOC: If you find the three The Crystal Method songs and the album title, I give you a virtual cookie.

**OOC: We are better

THE ARCHREGIMANCY BRINGS YOU

THE WORLD CUP QUALIFYING PREVIEW

By Fr. Nicholas the Scribe


#3 Bedistan
Winners of World Cup 21, one of the longest-playing World Cup teams, and ranked third in the world. Surely the favourites to win the group. The use of Greek as one of their official languages suggests that not all of the citizens of Bedistan are heathens and heretics, in which case our team’s inevitable losses to the Lions might not cause too much suffering.

UR Da WhoseLine People
Da what?

#119 Da Philelfya Empiya
We regret to note that the city of Philadelphia was lost to the Empire under the Palaeologi, though it remains a titular see of the Ecumenical Patriarchate, currently under Meliton, Metropolitan of Philadelphia. That is what we’re talking about here, right? A recent Baptism of Fire entrant with the ability to cause an upset.

#82 Brazillico
Citizens of the Archregimancy who remember the early days of the World Cup through their support of Alasdair I Frosticus will have fond memories of Brazillico. Though a shadow of their former selves, don’t count them out entirely. The Holy Synod has recently expressed concern over the possible corrupting influence of Brazillican bikini models during the away leg.

#179 Bakostrovia
With a name like that, they have to be Slavs. In which case they’re probably Orthodox. In which case it’s their DUTY to submit to our squad and hand over the full 6 points.

#44 The Weegies
Not a team we know a lot about, to be honest. This suggests that they’re heathens. Or heretics. Or sinners. Or all of the above. Precisely the sort of team we need to be beating if we’re to make the next step up.

#31 Harlesburg
An enigma. Despite their top 32 ranking, Harlesburg failed to qualify for the last World Cup, and then had a disastrous Cup of Harmony, failing to qualify for the knockout stages. This is the team we realistically have to beat to make the tournament. Let us bow our heads in prayer and fervently send our supplications for a favourable result.

#54 The Archregimancy
Us. We shall not commit the sin of pride in discussing our surprising near-success in qualifying for the World Cup at the first attempt. Perhaps better to humbly note our recent 'triumph' in winning the wooden spoon in the Jeremy Jaffacake Jamboree.

#17 Eauz
COMMUNISTS! Nothing would give us greater pleasure than defeating Eauz. Except possibly beating Kaze Progressa, but since they're hosts, we’re not playing them. Eauz are the only team in the group we’ve previously faced in World Cup qualifying – and while the World Cup 16 winners are still very, very good, they have been slipping of late, and seem to be curiously uninvolved. Is there perhaps a chance of a divinely inspired upset in the home leg?

#156 Michael Sticklandttttt
Very probably heathens and sinners. If we lose to this lot, Our Lord clearly wants us to suffer.

And the Match schedule:

1) Da Philelfya Empiya v. The Archregimancy – A good form guide. A confidence-boosting win against a newer team will send us on our way. A confidence-shredding loss against a newer team will suggest a long campaign.

2) The Archregimancy v. Brazillico – Despite their storied history – and anticipated attempts to cheat by distracting us with bikini-clad bimbos – we expect a win

3) Bakostrovia v. The Archregimancy - It’s practically their religious duty to lose to us.

4) The Archregimancy v. The Weegies – A tougher match. Another good form guide. Precisely the sort of match we have to win to advance.

5) Harlesburg v. The Archregimancy – With losses likely to Bedistan and Eauz, a win or draw here is vital.

6) Michael Stricklandttttt v. The Archregimancy – The tournament organisers have been very kind to the Archregimancy in terms of scheduling haven’t they?

7) The Archregimancy v. Eauz – Is an upset possible? Can the communists be defeated? Or will Communist oppression of Orthodox continue? We suspect the latter.

8) Bedistan v. The Archregimancy – Pray. It worked for Daniel in the lion's den, didn't it?

9) The Archregimancy v. Da WhoseLine People – After two difficult matches, we face a nice relaxing match. Unless God is punishing us for our sins.


So where will our footballing monks finish? Pride comes before a fall, so perhaps we shall refrain from a specific prediction, but the way the match schedule is arranged, if we can hold Harlesburg, get a result against the Weegies, and consistenly beat the lower-ranked teams, there’s every reason to believe the Archregimancy can be placed in the top three by the time we have to face Eauz and Bedistan. So perhaps, just maybe, third place is achievable. Druida think so.

Through God all things are possible, after all.

[ooc: still can't get onto jolt with Alasdair I Frosticus - hope no one objects to my doing things this way]

ON BEHALF OF ALASDAIR I FROSTICUS

THE ARCHREGIMANCY BRINGS YOU

THE HOLY EMPIRE'S WORLD CUP PREVIEW


Exciting news came from the Archregimancy last night as it was revealed that the Holy Empire squad - while still having to play all of its home game in the Archregimancy - would complete its quarantine restrictions in time for World Cup qualification, and the Imperials would in fact be permitted to travel out of the Dreamed Realm for away qualifiers. Team doctors were said to be confident that there would be no further outbreaks of plague.

Pastorville
Apparently a team entirely consisting of Evangelical Protestant ministers. Just as well they’re not playing the Archregimancy, then. They’ll probably beat us.

Alasdair I Frosticus
That’s us, that is! We haven’t qualified since World Cup 4. Hell, we haven’t even attempted to qualify since World Cup 7. All but one of our starting XI was wiped out by the plague, we have to play all of our home games in the Archregimancy due to quarantine restrictions, and we have a one-eyed goalkeeper with no depth perception. How do _you_ think we’re going to do?

Nedalia
Dramatically defeated the Archregimancy in the last WC qualifying playoffs, so we’re looking for revenge on the monks’ behalf. Fat lot of good that’ll do us.

Sarzonia
All around the Holy Empire, bets are already being taken over whether we can keep them to single digits.

Druida
The Druidans seem to think that travelling to the Dreamed Realm might disorient them slightly. They actually think they might not beat us! Druida…. We have a one-eyed goalkeeper, a 16 year old left back, and a convicted murderer on the forward line. We can’t even field substitutes. You’ll beat us. Twice.

New Montreal States
Our friends in the Archregimancy speak very highly of them, so we feel obliged not to stand in their way of an upset qualification. Another two losses.

The Gupta Dynasty
Here there’s the slight possibility that we might not actually get crushed and humiliated. Hurrah!

Elrich
We predict another six points handed over to the opposition without too much of a struggle.

Athestan
Wasn’t he a king? Oh… that was Athelstan. Might actually get a draw or two here.

Lethislavania
Another team that’s much better than us. Another excuse to roll over and play dead. Another four to six points conceded!


Official HEFA [Holy Empire Football Association] prediction on the Holy Empire’s qualification chances:
0. We’ll finish dead last. If there’s another outbreak of the plague, that might even be taken literally.

Somewhere deep in the Archregimancy...

The World Cup 25 squad gathered together to celebrate the following feasts of October the 27th:

Martyr Nestor of Thessalonica
Venerable Nestor the Chronicler of the Kiev Caves
Saint Nestor (not the Chronicler) of the Far Kiev Caves
Uncovering of the relics of St Andrew the Prince of Smolensk
Martyr Capitolina of Cappadocia
Martyr Erotheis of Cappadocia
Martyr Mark on the Isle of Thasos
Those Martyred with St Mark on the isle of Thasos
St. Demetrius the New, the Metropolitan of Bucharest
Icon of the Mother of God of "the Sign"

Following this morale-boosting bout of training, Coach Kyrill - Metropolitan of Solovetsky - gathered his team together for a pep talk.

"Last tournament, nobody expected us to win, yet with God's help we came close to causing a mighty upset. Now it is time to take the next step. As the walls of Jericho tumbled, as our Saviour cast out the moneychangers in the Temple, as Saints Paul and Peter engaged in miraculous escapes from the authorities, let us cause the established order to tumble, let us cast out the corrupt on the field of play, and let us engage in miraculous escapes from 1-0 down in injury time. And if we lose, let us accept that we sinners deserve a reminder of the need for humility...."

Coach Kyrill's speech was met with the monastic equivalent of thunderous approval - the polite nodding of heads, and the placement of lit candles next to the Holy Icon of the Mother of God, Bringer of Victory.

WORLD CUP XXV PREVIEW

The draw for WC XXV took place yesterday, and the Warriors were drawn into Group 10. This group is going to be extremely competitive, with five of the top 50 teams in the world in the Warriors' group, including reigning WC Champion Liverpool England. Here's a capsule on each of the teams in the group:


Liverpool England (ranked 2nd): Ouch. The Warriors get drawn into a group with the reigning World Champions, and two-time WC winners. Not to mention they're ranked 2nd in the world behind Sarzonia. It will be very difficult for the Warriors to earn any points against LE, but it is certainly not completely out of the realm of possibility, especially in the House of Prayer during the Warriors' 14th qualifying match.

Tadjikistan (13): Opening against Tadjikistan at home is not a fun assignment. Another one of the best teams in the world, and a difficult side for the Warriors to earn any points against. However, these two sides do have some WC history between them, as they split their qualifying matches in WC XXI, with each side winning on their home field by a goal. Needless to say, these matches should be very close.

Fmjphoenix (25): Another pretty good team. However, not one of a LE or Tadjikistan calliber. That being said, they are still going to be tough to beat. It is not completely out of the realm of possibility that these two sides will split their qualifying matches.

Kipto-Mare (42): A largely unknown side to the Warriors, but obviously a decent team, otherwise they wouldn't be ranked 42nd in the world. The Warriors will most likely be able to split their qualifying matches against Kipto-Mare.

Hypocria (45): The Warriors are looking forward to seeing Hypocria after being robbed against them in the last match of qualifying for CoH XVI. The Warriors should be able to take at least three points against them, if not the full six.

Praying2God (67): We're coming in on a bit of a roll after closing the JJJ strong, including a draw against Rejistania and a convincing win over top-ranked Sarzonia. If the defense can play like they did in those matches, the Warriors could be a serious contender to qualify.

RyukyuDaitoKazanNampo (139): I'm not even going to try to pronounce that name. They are definitely a step down from the Warriors, and should give the Warriors an easy six points. However, the Warriors can't afford to overlook them if they have any dream of qualifying. They didn't do particularly well in the BoF is about all we know about their team.

Aztec Kingdom (168): This is the first of two teams in the Warriors' group that were in our ally Pastorville's group during the recent BoF. Being that Pastorvile handled them quite easily, winning 4-2, the Warriors should have little trouble with them. This should be an easy six points for the Warriors.

The Solar Association (190): This is the other team that Pastorville faced during the BoF that was drawn into the Warriors' group. Pastorville also handled TSA quite easily, winning 3-1. That would lead to the theory that the Warriors should have very little trouble with them. This should be another easy six points for the Warriors.

Demonlord12 (200): They don't even stand a chance. Not even participating in the BoF will mean very little success in qualifying for Demonlord, and six easy points for the Warriors.


Group 10 Predictions:
1. Liverpool England
2. Tadjikistan
3. Fmjphoenix
4. Kipto-Mare
5. Praying2God (we'll make a good run at qualifying, but fall just short again)
6. Hypocria
7. The Solar Association
8. RDKN
9. Aztec Kingdom
10. Demonlord12

*this brief scene takes place in Saints Head Coach Reverend Brown's office*

Assistant Coach Reverend Carter: Reverend Brown, have you seen what some of the media in other nations in our group for qualifying for WC XXV are saying about us?

Head Coach Reverend Brown: Yes, Reverend Carter. I've seen that there are media in other countries saying that we'll be the spoilers or that we'll make a run at qualifying.

Reverend Carter: There's no way we stand a chance in this group, even though it may not be as strong as some of the others. That's including the group that our ally Praying2God is in. Now that is one tough group that they got drawn into.

Reverend Brown: But Reverend Carter, remember what P2G did in their first WC after settling their internal disputes? They held a qualifying position halfway through qualifying for WC XX. However, they were not able to get the big goals they needed during the second half of qualifying and fell a couple points short of pulling off one of the biggest surprises in recent WC history, if not WC history as a whole.

Reverend Carter: Have you seen what our own media is saying about our chances?

Reverend Brown: That I have not seen yet. I'm assuming that's why you have that newspaper in your hand.

Reverend Carter: Yep. Here's the sports section from today's paper.

*Reverend Brown reads the following*


PASTORVILLE READY FOR LEARNING EXPERIENCE AGAINST SOME OF THE BEST

The Saints didn't get drawn into the most difficult group for WC XXV qualifying, but it is still a very good group. However, the Saints aren't expected to make a run at qualifying for this WC, so this will be a good learning experience for them. They will even get a shot at the best team in the world twice during qualifying, as top-ranked Sarzonia has been drawn into the same group. Here is a capsule on each of the teams in the Saints' group:


Sarzonia (1st ranked): You want to learn from the best if you want to someday become the best, and the Saints will get to do just that during WC XXV qualifying. Sarzonia was the runner-up in WC XXIV, and will be hungry to finish one spot better in WC XXV, so they will be tough for anybody to beat. However, as Pastorville's ally Praying2God showed during the recent JJJ, Sarzonia is beatable if you play good defense and capitalize on your chances. That being said, the Saints are probably not going to be able to do that well enough to pick up any points against the top-ranked team in the world. Projected Finish: 1st

Druida (18): Another one of the best teams in the world, even though they had a rough go of it in WC XXIV. They will be hungry to prove that their WC XXIV performance was a fluke, and that they are still an outstanding team. It will be very tough for the Saints to earn any points against the Druidians. Projected Finish: 2nd

Nedalia (27): Obviously a very good team to be ranked in the top 30 in the world, but not one that soccer fans in Pastorville know much of anything about. They seem to be on the upswing, but can they get over the hump and become one of the world powers? Probably not during this WC. The Saints might be able to pick up a point or two against them. Projected Finish: 5th

Lethislavania (34): A team that appears to be fading a bit on the world stage, but is definitely still a threat to qualify. It will be tough for the Saints to earn any points against them. Projected Finish: 3rd

New Montreal States (58): A strong CoH XVI has helped NMS to make strides back towards the world elite, where they once were. Will they get back there during this WC? Not quite. They should make a strong run at qualifying before falling just short. The Saints may prove to be the spoilers in their qualifying attempt. Projected Finish: 4th

Elrich (97): They are a better team than their ranking would seem to indicate. However, their inability to work their way higher in the rankings seems to indicate that they are unable to close out matches. The Saints should have a pair of very good matches against them. Projected finish: 7th

Pastorville (114): It's us. After a strong 4th place showing in the recent BoF, the Saints come in with a fair amount of confidence, despite having lost consecutive international matches (albeit, both were decided beyond regulation time). If the Saints can find their defense that was lacking frequently in the BoF, then they could potentially create some headaches for the better teams in the group. Projected Finish: 6th

Athestan (156): Evidently a participant in the BoF along with the Saints, though apparently they did not fair all that well. The name of the country also seems to hint at the fact that it might be a country made up of atheists, in which case the Saints will be quite glad to take the six points that the heathens will likely surrender to them. Projected Finish: 10th

The Gupta Dynasty (168): Another fellow BoF participant, though they didn't fair particularly well. However, they will likely put up a decent fight in qualifying, though the Saints should be able to take all six points from them. Projected Finish: 9th

Alasdair I Frosticus (200): A national well-connected to the early history of the WC, which has decided to make a return for WC XXV. A team from out of this world, they should provide an interesting match-up for the Saints. However, the Saints should still manage to take all six points from them. Projected Finish: 8th


*Reverend Brown looks at Reverend Carter*

Reverned Brown: I'd say the paper is a little optimistic, but I certainly would take a sixth place finish in our group. That would be quite an accomplishment for us.

Reverend Carter: I wouldn't bet on it.

Reverend Brown: You'd better not be betting...you are a reverend afterall. Let's go get ready for our opening match against Lethislavania.

OOC:

Five minutes ago, I was finally successful in reseting the password to a nation I control, and I am logged on to the forums for the first time in way to long. Anyhow, I will be using this puppet to RP for both Squornshelous and San-Lorenzo, I'm just posting this here to avoid any confusion later on. reaction to group draw RP's will probably come sometime tomorrow afternoon, since it is 3:30 am.

Groups known
WC25: predictions for Group 10

We waited long for them but finally the groups have been drawn, the Tadjikistan Tigers know their opponents for WC25. Zhenya Luchinsky, former coach of Tadjikistan has been invited to tell us just how good Tadjikistans opponents are.
'I may have failed in bringing our team to the top in World Cup 24, that does not mean I dont know the sides in the qualifications':

Praying2God[67]:'Another team thats been around for a while, I expected them to be much higher on the ranking list by now. They probably have a decent team but they are not going to qualify over such sides as Hypocria and Fmjphoenix. They may be a 'troublemaker' for us, but I dont believe in scores from 16 years ago, those matches are hardly representational.'

Aztec Kingdom[168]:'Never really heard of them, Which also means I dont see much danger.'

Demonlord12:[-] 'Never heard of this team, I couldnt even find a ranking. They can probably beat The Solar association but I fear that will be all.'

The Solar Association[190]: 'One point from four matches, that is how well they did in the Baptism of Fire tournament and everyone understands that they are definite outsiders for the World Cup. Maybe they should put some more effort into their play and then they can participate, without it they'll end last.'

Liverpool England[2]:'Offcourse they are nominated for first place. Very few teams in this group can stop them and those teams will need some luck.'

RyukyuDaitoKazanNampo[139]: 'What a long and strange name! Well it means they have a long breath and thats important in sports isnt it? In BoF they did reasonably well and were only beaten by Revolutionarian Island, during the group stage they even took 6 points in two matches, strong and a possible revelation but no contender for Qualification'

Fmjphoenix[25]:'I see them qualifying without suprises, Hypocria could give them some trouble in their run for qualification though.'

Hypocria[45]:'Its the team with the Sarzonian coach right? Thats 50% of a victory, offcourse their team has to be good enough for the other 50%. They are good but I dont think they'll qualify this time.'

Kipto-Mare[42]:'They couldnt make it past Hurfordia in the play offs of WC24 and thats what we always see with this team, they are always around but never strong enough to make it. All I can say is; Amaze me!'

Tadjikistan[13]:'We will qualify, we must qualify, we should shoot ourselves if we dont, especially since we've proven that we can get there with ease.'

'My prediction for group standings is as follows:
Liverpool England
Tadjikistan
Fmjphoenix
Hypocria
Praying2God
Kipto-Mare
RyukyuDaitoKazanNampo
Aztec Kingdom
Demonlord12
The Solar Association

Fixtures:
MD1: Praying2God - Tadjikistan
MD2: Tadjikistan - RyukyuDaitoKazanNampo
MD3: Aztec Kingdom - Tadjikistan
MD4: Tadjikistan - Fmjphoenix
MD5: Demonlord12 - Tadjikistan
MD6: Tadjikistan - Hypocria
MD7: The Solar Association - Tadjikistan
MD8: Tadjikistan - Kipto-Mare
MD9: Liverpool England - Tadjikistan
MD10:Tadjikistan - Praying2God
MD11:RyukyuDaitoKazanNampo - Tadjikistan
MD12:Tadjikistan - Aztec Kingdom
MD13:Fmjphoenix - Tadjikistan
MD14:Tadjikistan - Demonlord12
MD15:Hypocria - Tadjikistan
MD16:Tadjikistan - The Solar Association
MD17:Kipto-Mare - Tadjikistan
MD18:Tadjikistan - Liverpool England

Nedalia (27): Obviously a very good team to be ranked in the top 30 in the world, but not one that soccer fans in Nedalia know much of anything about. They seem to be on the upswing, but can they get over the hump and become one of the world powers? Probably not during this WC. The Saints might be able to pick up a point or two against them. Projected Finish: 5th

"What the f%$@ is this?!" Gamman screamed as he slammed the paper to his desk.

"No idea, sir. Apparently Nedalians arent fanatical about their football. Thats news to me," responded his assistant, Ghandar Noor, who was more concerned with trying to find a lighter for his cigar.

"This is what we're lined up against? What happened to quality teams such as Bettia or Jeresulem...why can't we group with class acts like that?"

"Beats me. Hey, have you seen my dam lighter?"

"I mean, what the hell is this reporter on. Dont know much about their the Lions? Has he even done any research on us? Does he not realize our national team is the lifeblood of this country?"

"Hey, by the way, did you read all the other prediction reports?"

"Yes. Where is ours?"

"Our reporters cant be arsed."

"Typical."

"Bettia and Jeresulem look like theyve got a quality chance to go through."

"There's usually a small corner set aside for Nedalians at all the Bettian stadiums anyway...when they play in Akani Sands, I hear you cant even tell the Bettian from the Nedalian."

"I've been there, its just lined up with Nedalian restaurants."

"And Jeresulem, I dont need to tell you that everytime they're on TV, the country shuts down to watch the match."

"Quality team, that."

"But this...this filth! A team no one knows about in Nedalia indeed!"

"Blasphemy, sir."

Shaun, Pablo, Unami, and Pao sat around the small table enjoying their drinks and the poker game they were playing.

"Good news, guys!" announced Evan Evans as he walked through the door. "It seems that nobody is giving us a chance. The report from the Jerusalem team says that we are an easy mark."

"Now how in the hell is that GOOD news?" Shaun took another drink as he said this.

Pablo and Pao went of on a long and colorful rant about the respect the Sea Dragons were getting so far. (Too "colorful" for print")

"It be fine. We not get respect ever. And we play good before. No need worry." Unami made his bet, calling Shaun's.

"Precisely!" exclaimed Evan. "This is what we want! Let the higher ranked teams worry about each other. The more they do that, the more likely they are to forget about us. And THAT is exactly what we need to happen. By the time they do remember us, it will be too late!"

"That's good in theory." Shaun replied. "Now let's just hope it works!"

Conures Draw Tough Group In Qualifiers

Hurfordia have been drawn in Group 3 for the World Cup qualifiers.

It looks set to be a real challenge for the Conures, who will have to play veterans Spruitland, One Red Dot, Cockbill Street and System Karela. With only three qualifying places up for grabs, it could be a real ask for Hurfordia to qualify for their second World Cup.

"Naturally, we are disappointed" manager Henri Dauphin told a press conference. "We could have had a better draw. We will have to play above ourselves to go through. Still, no-one expected us to qualify last time around."

There is no doubt that Hurfordia will have to be at their best.

Group 3

Cuation
Hurfordia
Adrasuvare
Tonissia
System Karela
Cockbill Street
Adam Island
Newcommunist Republics
Spruitland
One Red Dot

Own Goal!
Episode 1: The First Training Session

(Camera shows various shots of the Giant Zucchini National Stadium from many different angles, some effective, making it look like an episode of CSI: Guatemala, others looking like it was taken by a camera that forgot to be switched off.)

Narrator: Armand Boyer steps into a newly renovated Giant Zucchini National Stadium. The soft fluffy grass, the clear blue sky, and the sound of James Gorton yelling at him.

Gorton: What in the world are you doing standing there looking at the sky with those cameras facing you, filming a TV show or something? Get over here and start warming up.

Editor 1: Err…we can edit that part out later.

Narrrator: Yes, he has finally made it; representing Giant Zucchini in the premier sporting event in NationStates. This was a far cry from his first job, an illegal immigrant sneaking in and out of One Red Dot, earning money by kicking footballs into assorted rubbish bins.

(Camera shows a rubbish bin in the foreground. Stuck on it is a piece of paper, saying ‘This is not art. You may throw your rubbish here.’ In the background, a silhouette points to the rubbish bin, then proceeds to curl the ball into the corner of the bin. He then proceeds to collect money from various Chinese looking extras pretending to be cooks.)

Editor 2: That’s not how it happened at all.
Editor 1: Look, do you want it to be interesting or do you want it to be true?
Editor 3: So far, it’s neither.

To be continued…

thsd:NEWS

Three From Four Should Go

KRYTENIA, ranked sixth in the world in the latest KPB Rankings, have been seeded first in Group Four of the qualifiers for the latest World Cup. Foes old and new await the Aces in their ten-team group; let's take a look over the WCXXIV semi-finalists and their opponents. Don't worry, no Kipto-Mare this time round!

OUR BOYS
KRYTENIA
KPB Rank: 6
FIFA Equivalent Nation: Mexico
Having reached the last four on home soil, the Aces will be wanting to prove the last tournament was no fluke. New manager Dave Van Staveren is confident of his team's abilities.

MD1/MD10
NOVA BRITANNICUS
KPB Rank: 20
FIFA Equivalent Nation: Costa Rica
Atlantian Oceanic bedfellows and the next best thing to beating the Men In Mauve. Should qualify, however don't look as strong as in previous years.

MD2/MD11
SPAAM
KPB Rank: 53
FIFA Equivalent Nation: Trinidad & Tobago
It's over three decades since the Spaamanians knocked Krytenia out of WCXVII. Since then the two sides have changed places in the footballing world - Spaam are not the spiced-up team they were before and will struggle.

MD3/MD12
JERUSELEM
KPB Rank: 23
FIFA Equivalent Nation: Cameroon
Krytenia and Jeruselem have a shared history when it comes to their early finals performances - both teams waited many games for their first wins. Jeruselem, however, do not seem to be building on their success and may miss out on a finals place.

MD4/MD13
JON PARKIN
KPB Rank: UR
FIFA Equivalent Nation: Comoros
Newcomers to the footballing world, three wins would be considered a good return for these bottom-feeders.

MD5/MD14
YAFOR 2
KPB Rank: 79
FIFA Equivalent Nation: Panama
They may look the part in their new JMC kits, but the Yaforites have had some bad luck with the draw. Fifth place would be a good finish - their games against Spaam may be key to this.

MD6/MD15
HOCKEY CANADA
KPB Rank: 33
FIFA Equivalent Nation: Paraguay
Football may be the second sport in this nation, but the Hocanucks have been improving game by game. Could well pip Jeruselem for a finals spot.

MD7/MD16
ISRAEL4EVER
KPB Rank: 167
FIFA Equivalent Nation: Dominica
Will finish in the bottom half. Jeruselem will be gunning for these pretenders.

MD8/MD17
ANDOSSA SE MITRIN VEGA
KPB Rank: 104
FIFA Equivalent Nation: Northern Ireland
A newcomer they may be, but a newcomer with promise (and a lot of gum). ASMV will be a tough side to beat, and a potential banana skin for the top sides.

MD9/MD18
CRENDONIA
KPB Rank: 179
FIFA Equivalent Nation: Samoa
Will get slightly less squished than Jon Parkin.

JMC WC26/27: MORE KITS AHOY!

THE WEEGIES
http://www.dirt-racing.com/3wide/sites/aofiles/wc16bids/Weegies07.jpg http://www.dirt-racing.com/3wide/sites/aofiles/wc16bids/WeegiesAway07.jpg

Another socialist state, another set of "clean" kits.

Contact Krytenia for your own JMC masterpieces!

Hockey Canadians may have a shot at qualifying.

Yafor 2- Yeah, we do know who Yafor 2 is- but do we really know them in soccer? Only one game played against them in the Cup of Harmony (which we appropriately won) was a success, two more against these guys shouldn't be hard. Six points are going to be our prediction for this important game (wait? aren't ALL games important?).

Hockey Canada- Go us EH!!!

Israel4Ever- Do we have any idea who these guys are or what they're like? Nope! So should we worry about them or think they're a threat? Nope! Will we get 6 points? Yes! Will we stop talking like this? Sure! Beside the point, this game should be a gimme for most teams in Group Four.

Andossa Se Mitrin Vega- *chokes* Sorry, for a moment I just thought these guys would have a chance. Sure they think they'll qualify, but when told by people with common sense and gamblers, they'll get mauled. 6 points from these guys hands down.

Krytenia- We know they're good, but are they really that good? The answer is yes. Expect these guys to take the group with no trouble with maybe a loss or a draw. Either way these guys will serve our ass and wipe it too.

Nova Britannicus- Ahhh, our eastern neighbours. There's not much difference between us besides a border, name and 40 degrees Celcius. They're a threat for any team who plays against these guys. We think we can squeak out a win. (Hey! If we can draw Vilita 4-4, this could happen)

Spaam- We do however know these guys first-hand. We played Spaam in our first World Cup and actually did well with a win and a loss. Time changes things and now we hope to put these guys on the ropes. Call us crazy, but I think 6 points is a possibility.

Jeruselem- Sweet, sweet redemption! But we don't know, revenge is too- don't forget vengence... that's nice. in World Cup 23 these guys screwed us over in the final game when they won and we only drew. Four points will be nice. Also 2 shutouts against these guys.

Jon Parkin- Not these guys... period. These games will also be a gimmes featuring a hopeful slaughter of utter non-karelan proportions. Globe Arena-Stadium will be renamed to Slaughterhaus for our home game against these guys. Six points in the bag.

Crendonia- Who are these guys? Lots of people will ask that when we play Crendonia. Slaughterhaus will be named for this home game as well. Only 2 insane Hockey Canadian fans will go to Crendonia to watch Hockey Canada try and go for a gimme-game. Six points is expected.

Prediction:

1- Krytenia
2- Hockey Canada
3- Jeruselem
4- Nova Britannicus
5- Spaam
6- Andossa Se Mitrin Vega
7- Yafor 2
8- Israel4Ever
9- Crendonia
10- Jon Parkin

Fixtures:

MD1: Jon Parkin @ Hockey Canada (Globe Arena-Stadium, re-names to Slaughterhaus)
MD2: Hockey Canada @ Yafor 2
MD3: Crendonia @ Hockey Canada (Globe Arena-Stadium)
MD4: Israel4Ever @ Hockey Canada (Globe Arena-Stadium)
MD5: Hockey Canada @ Andossa Se Mitrin Vega
MD6: Krytenia @ Hockey Canada (Globe Arena-Stadium)
MD7: Hockey Canada @ Nova Britannicus
MD8: Jon Parkin @ Hockey Canada (Globe Arena-Stadium)
MD9: Hockey Canada @ Jeruselem
MD10: Hockey Canada @ Jon Parkin
MD11: Yafor 2 @ Hockey Canada (Globe Arena-Stadium)
MD12: Hockey Canada @ Crendonia
MD13: Hockey Canada @ Isreal4Ever
MD14: Andossa Se Mitrin Vega @ Hockey Canada (Irkutsk Stadium)
MD15: Hockey Canada @ Krytenia
MD16: Nova Britannicus @ Hockey Canada (Globe Arena-Stadium)
MD17: Hockey Canada @ Jon Parkin
MD18: Jeruselem @ Hockey Canada (Globe Arena-Stadium)

The Weegie Star
pg 14 - Minor International News

Krytenian Firm Recieves "Suspiciously Large" Amounts of "Silver Saigh".

Krytenian sports-gear firm JMC was surprised today by a large shipment of the 25th World Cup Anniversary special edition Achail-na-saigh, the notoriously inflammable Weegie drink brewed by secretive Lylian drinks co-operative, the Distillery. 5000 litre-bottles of the liquor is believed to have been delivered, or rather more accurately dumped, outside the firm's factory doors in the early hours of the morning, leaving those who work there with the problem of getting in. Coincidentally, the Weegie strips for World Cup 25 also appeared outside the WFA in the early hours of the same day.

Black-marketeering is suspected to have been involved, since most goods can be received in the Weegies from non-IFTA nations through the trade exceptions held by many IFTA countries for cultural or historical reasons. IFTA officials are looking into claims of possible infringement of the IFTA treaty knowingly held by the Weegie government because of the WFA's status as a footballing body regulated by the Government, but are being held up because of the importance of the Weegie football team to the Weegies and because of the IFTA officials' inability to find the offending firm, the Distillery, in question.

When asked if the Distillery was involved, a spokesperson for JMC had this to say: "I'm afraid that is commercially confidential. What does that mean? Oh, for God's... look, just leave me alone, okay? Half our staff is pissed trying to get through the doors by drinking that stuff. This is the last bloody time we get paid in alcohol. Or, at the very least, that alcohol."

Spokesperson for the Distillery, Subbrewerdante Marcos, just giggled.

CORRECTION OF WORLD CUP XXV PREVIEW

We certainly have egg on our faces this morning. It was brought to our attention that in our World Cup Preview article we said the following:

"Nedalia (27): Obviously a very good team to be ranked in the top 30 in the world, but not one that soccer fans in Nedalia know much of anything about. They seem to be on the upswing, but can they get over the hump and become one of the world powers? Probably not during this WC. The Saints might be able to pick up a point or two against them. Projected Finish: 5th" (emphasis added)

What we meant to say was:

"Nedalia (27): Obviously a very good team to be ranked in the top 30 in the world, but not one that soccer fans in Pastorville know much of anything about. They seem to be on the upswing, but can they get over the hump and become one of the world powers? Probably not during this WC. The Saints might be able to pick up a point or two against them. Projected Finish: 5th"

We have reprimanded our writer for writing that article while he was tired enough to miss that error, and appologize for any confusion that it might have created.

The Macabee National Team Readies et Predictions!

Finally, information on groups and such as been released, and The Macabees has been included into group two. Consequently, following with our procedure, Fedala International News has released a series of predictions and analysis on our peers.

Oliverry: Although this team had certain troubles throughout World Cup XXIV, the team within itself is one of the better in the group with Ariddia and Rejistania, and unfortunately, is the one to face The Macabees on the first matchday. It's expected that Oliverry emerge from the group top three, simply because of their rank, experience and the fact that they've solved a lot of the problems that hindered them during the last world cup. If anything, Oliverry will have trouble defeating Ariddia, a team that's looked up to by The Macabees, especially with their outstanding run in the Futsal Tournament, which repordetly ends today, and many are watching nervously to see who will come out on top, Jerusalem or Ariddia.

Ariddia: Although since this is The Macabee's first time in the world cup, Ariddia's preformance in the Futsal Tournament gave it a name within the Empire, and most expect Ariddia to come out second in the group, if not first. The reason we cannot place them as expected first is because Oliverry has much more experience, and rank tells a lot. Nonetheless, the second matchday is expected to be quite the game as Ariddia meets Oliverry on the field.

Corruptomania: Even less is known about this team, and personally, we think that they won't be making it out of the group, from the top three, although it is expected that they will finish on top of our own national team merely because of experience and ranking. Nonetheless, miracles do happen; but, as we learned from the Baptism of Fire, it's best not to hope for too much.

Revolutionarian Island: Again, we don't know much about this team, so we can't give it a high rating. We'll just repeat was Oliverry said - what will they do, a revolution within the world cup? Maybe, if lucky, we can defeat them?

Crystilakere: This group is surely one of unknown, at least in our perspective. Nonetheless, we hope this team the best of luck in the coming matches, although we suspect a lot of success from Crystilakere as opposed to that of The Macabees, since they outrank us by about 140 ranks. Indeed, perhaps defeating a team of this rank will earn the national team some ranks as well, although such a notion may be near impossible. It's never to bad to hope, regardless of what we said before. Well, in retrospect, we do have to win some, don't we?

Rejistania: Finally, a team we can say we know at least a little about. We expect to be defeated by Rejistania on the second matchday, nonetheless, it'll be a game to remember, and we can suspect that the amount of experience that we will receive will serve us for football competitions to come! We hope these the best luck, and we also think that Rejistania is going to see some massive sweeps during World Cup XXV if the play their cards right.

Caprine States: Their preformance during the Futsal Tournament was ok, nonetheless, we expect pretty good plays from them, although their feet might be a little too small to stand up to the strong kickers from The Macabees. Regardless, their abilties portrayed past world cups indicate almost exactly the opposite.

Limbrogidlia et Chicanada: Two teams we know absolutely nothing about. They are head of us in terms of rank, but we hope that Otto Mannerheim will be able to take the games to our favour and at least defeat these two teams, which would allow the Macabees to rise in rank considerably. Nonetheless, with the defeats experienced in the Baptism of Fire against Crendonia and Pastorville the team isn't going to guarantee anything.



Team Analysis
After the failures and successes of the team during the Baptism of Fire there are a few changes in the team that should be noticed. Indeed, Hans Kahn, after his brilliant success against Cuation, failed twice to goalkeep, once against Crendonia and then against Pastorville. His peer, Derik Vander, however, was able to pull a win against Athestan [five to zero], while keeping a draw against the Gupta Dynasty. Therefore, Vander is to remain the first string goalkeeper of the team, while Kahn reels in anger. The latter has vowed to leave both the national team and his home team and play internationally, although as of yet he has nobody interested in him - obviously, because of his dismal preformance in the Baptism of Fire. As of Derik Vander, great things are expected from him, however, Leo Benz has said that if Vander screws up, Kahn is always a ready option for him.

The first string fowards are to be led by the sweeper Otto Mannerheim, who leads the team with five goals scored total, with another one in the friendly against Cuation, followed closely by Wilhelm Großkopf, who will stay as center. On the left will stay Franz Seydlitz, and on the right Froemer Paulus, who scored yesterday in the friendly against Cuation. The first string defense is to remain the same after their strong character in yesterday's friendly, and the Baptism of Fire.

We're expecting a much stronger team to debut in Group Two for the XXV World Cup, and we're expecting that they will suprise all their peers in their revamped energy. After yesterday's friendly, their own moral and the country's moral and the fan's moral has skyrocketed as people have new hopes and new feelings. They should not be underestimated, the same way other teams shouldn't be either by The Macabees. Like star Otto Mannerheim said,
" I think fellow teams in our group, like Rejistania and Ariddia, although they may not be defeated per se, will be left with a very high thought for us, and simply will be suprised by the amount of effort we put into our soccer. I think they underestimate us now, although our hosting of the Futsal Tournament has rise our international level of reknown, but by the time this is over, our team will have made a name for ourselves. "


The Fans
Of the dozens of thousands that made their way to Vilita a total of fifteen thousand have already bought their tickets from a flight to Vilita to Kaze Progressa [or Audioslavia], while a hefty ten thousand have made their way from the Golden Throne to the host nation in the past weeks, for a grand total of twenty-five thousand fans who are citizens of the Empire. Although this is nothing like the amount that witnessed the Futsal games, or those in Vilita, or those that saw the friendly yesterday against Cuation, it is a massive tourist number of a single event from our nation, and all in all, the money earned by the hosts will be immense as an expected ten million tourists from all countries around the world flock to the host countries for this even solely, even though the grand majority of those will have never seen a single game of the world cup. Regardless, the revenue earned will be simply immense, putting to shame that earned during the Baptism of Fire and that during the First International Futsal Tournament.

Oliverry: Although this team had certain troubles throughout World Cup XXIV, the team within itself is the highest ranking in the group, and unfortunately, is the one to face The Macabees on the first matchday.


legal trouble ahead

The ASR plans to sue the macabeean reporter for defamation of the Rejistanian national team. The Orange-Blues are proud defenders of the second place in the KPB-rankings and not as the newspaper had the guts to say, below Oliverry. The Macabeeans, here are the ranks* of group 2:
55th: Oliverry
unranked: Ariddia
unranked: Corruptomania
unranked: Revolutionarian Island
5th: Crystilakere
2nd: Rejistania
28th: Caprine States
unranked: Limbrogidlia
35th: Chicanada

*from the slightly outdated Bedistani files

It had not been a pleasant lead-up to World Cup XXV for William Branstone, ex-Audioslavia, now head coach of the New Montreal States Paladins. First, there had been all those angry articles in the Presse-Journal Devoir over the fact that, although he was a well-enough-connected Audioslavian, he hadn't managed to secure a Jeremy Jaffacake Jamboree invitation. He had written a sharp column for the paper in reply, only to find it edited down. When he called the editor's desk, he was informed that terms such as "f***tard" and "sheep-humping brainless morons" were not exactly appropriate for a national paper, he had broke out a rant that had almost got him sued.

Now, with the World Cup coming up in Audioslavia proper, nobody there was paying the slightest attention to him. Not even in his own home town. Granted, with the number one team in the world Sarzonia in his group, along with the WC24 co-hosts Druida and ascendant power Nedalia, the NMS weren't going anywhere anytime soon. Still. For crying out loud, why couldn't he even get a bloody call returned?

He sat back on his desk and fumed. He flipped through his cellphone record. Sure enough, the only calls he had got from Audioslavia for the past 5 weeks were from his mother. He had to do something to get some attention back. Somehow...

(to be continued)

To: Rejistanian Soccer Association
From: Praying2God Soccer Association
Subject: Updated WC Rankings

If you are going to pursue legal action against The Macabees, I would suggest that you have the most up-to-date rankings possible.

http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=9820943&postcount=3501

We have provided the most up-to-date rankings that we have seen for you, which are the pre-WC XXV rankings. To make things easier for you, we will note the ranks of the teams in your group for you (in order of rank).

Rejistania-5th
Crystilakere-12th
Caprine States-30th
Chicanada-38th
Oliverry-46th
Limbrogidlia-72nd
Revolutionarian Island-134th
The Macabees-152nd
Corruptomania-193rd
Ariddia-200th

Parid Post-Today-Times-Tribune-Daily-News-Subjagation-Update- Dispatch-Telegram- Picayune

Collonie hopes for best expects the worst

The Collonie Flying Eagles got drawn into group 6 yesterday. The Flying Eagles are now facing some old foes of Milchama in the qualification stages and are hoping for the best while expecting the worst.
GROUP 6
Giant Zucchini- Well their named after a Dave Barry motif in one book so they can't be all bad. They were in the World Cup a long time ago and were good apparently. Now their basically in the same position we are in looking for the best while trying to avoid the worst. Will be two close matches hopefully we can get 4 points from them.
Collonie- That's us we made the second round of the Baptism of Fire and are looking for better.
Turori- Milchama played them last time and lost twice. Big. We should not do much better.
Alemeinia- Never heard of them but we assume their bad. They don't even have a KPB ranking. We should beat them twice.
Dauna Hills- Milchama faced them last time and beat them once and drew with them once. We should do similair. 4 points from them
Bipedal Apes- A bunch of apes. With a weird and unique newspaper. They did qualify in the World Cup last time we should lose to them twice.
The Lowland Clans- Milchama's arch rivals. They beat them twice and The Lowland Clans have only beaten the Warriors once. The Flying Eagles expect to get 6 points off them.
EL CID THE HERO- We like El Cid he was a great Spanish hero and they tried to prove Murphy's law wrong last World Cup. Are also ranked #19 in the world. Should lose to them twice.
Raptor Claw-Apparently have a KPB ranking of 47 eventhough we have not seen it when we were looking up. If that is the case then we might get one point off them. If what we saw is the case (no KPB ranking) then we win twice.
Kunar- We faced them in the BoF Cup (We think) and we beat them. Should be no different here 6 points off them.

So now we add up how many points we think we will get and it gets us too 30 points. Is that enough? Time will tell. If Raptor Claw's ranking is 47 then its 25 points. Will that be enough we don't know either.

RORDIA LOOKS FORWARD TO WORLD CUP

Rordia's football fans are looking forward to World Cup 25, and the Republic Stadium in Rordic City will play host to such giants as Vilita, Starblaydia and Bettia in the qualifying stage. Whilst the Ballerinas have almost no chance of reaching the finals, their fans can't wait to see their players take on the world's finest. Here is a preview of Group 1:

VILITA - Winners of World Cup XX, but they were humiliated in World Cup XIV. They are the group's joint favourites, along with Starblaydia.
STARBLAYDIA - They bowed out of the last World Cup at the Group Stage, and are one of the world's footballing giants. Beating them will spark massive celebrations throughout Rordia.
KERICIA - Another team for Rordia to fear - they narrowly missed out on the qualifying play-offs last time. Can they do better?
RATLEA - They knocked Rordia out of the Baptism of Fire Cup at the Quarter Finals stage. The Ballerinas want revenge.
PAGAJEUCIANISM - Strange name. End of sentence.
NANAKALAND - In World Cup XIV, they finished their qualifying group in 5th place.
SPOOKYVILLE - They did well in the Baptism of Fire Cup
LOVISA - They had an amazing time last World Cup. They topped Bipedal Apes in their qualifying group and went on to reach the last sixteen. The group's dark horses.
BETTIA - Out of the group's three giants, Bettia are the weakest. They failed to qualify for World Cup XIV, but they are back stronger.

RordBet's Predicted Group Table:
1. VILITA
2. STARBLAYDIA
3. BETTIA
4. LOVISA
5. KERICIA
6. NANAKALAND
7. RATLEA
8. SPOOKYVILLE
9. PAGAJEUCIANISM
10. RORDIA

To: Rejistanian Soccer Association
From: Praying2God Soccer Association
Subject: Updated WC Rankings

If you are going to pursue legal action against The Macabees, I would suggest that you have the most up-to-date rankings possible.

http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=9820943&postcount=3501

We are the KaMaRi Update, not the ASR, they surely have the rankings. And to be honest, this news reached us only a few minutes before deadline of the international edition so we couldn't research.

We have provided the most up-to-date rankings that we have seen for you, which are the pre-WC XXV rankings. To make things easier for you, we will note the ranks of the teams in your group for you (in order of rank).

Rejistania-5th
Crystilakere-12th
Caprine States-30th
Chicanada-38th
Oliverry-46th
Limbrogidlia-72nd
Revolutionarian Island-134th
The Macabees-152nd
Corruptomania-193rd
Ariddia-200th
We still prefer to see the Orange-Blues 2nd.

The Aeropag Tribune—Fly LivEng Airways and Air Paripana for special discount prices—only XAU 3 round-trip from Χρυσάεστος to Commerce Heights!

Living: Capitalizts confused after being labeled “not all heretics”
THE ARCHREGIMANCY—A recent report from a strange land known as The Dreamed Realm declared the citizens of Bedistan “not all heathens and heretics,” primarily because one of the official languages of Bedistan is Ελληνικά (Elleniká). This claim has caused great confusion within the Unified Capitalizt States, as, while Ελληνικά is also an official language of Commerce Heights—or, more specifically, of Μεγαλύτερη Ακήλα Ειδική Διοικητική Περιοχή (Megalútere Akéla Eidiké Dioiketiké Periokhé)—the citizens of Μεγαλύτερη Ακήλα ΕΔΠ, and of all of Commerce Heights, most assuredly are all heathens and heretics, at least according to the views held by those in the The Archregimancy. “Hey, Capitalizts can be just as orthodox as anyone!” said a random passer-by, Hans-Heinz Gaffel. “Two percent of the population follows one of the two major religions, Margaretism and Capitalizm. And at least half of those are devout followers. That’s a big chunk of the population!” When approached later by our reporters for further comments, Gaffel declined to expand on his views.

Scores are about to be posted, RPs from here count for MD2.

Scores are up (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showthread.php?t=451562) for the first set of qualifying matches.

Vikings look for 3rd straight World Cup qualification

Vanguard, Fmjphoenix: The Vikings prepare for the 8th entry into the World Cup. And while they get set on the task at hand, statmongers and sports anaylists all over Fmjphoenix have been getting their group predictions for Fmjphoenix's group and all the qualification grops in general. Fmjphoenix has drawn into Group 10, their first time in the last group. Here is a listing of all 10 teams in the group.

GROUP 10
Praying2God
Aztec Kingdom
Demonlord12
The Solar Association
Liverpool England
RyukyuDaitoKazanNampo
Fmjphoenix
Hypocria
Kipto-Mare
Tadjikistan

Those at the Fmjphoenix Sports Network have spent many a hours summing up the Vikings chances in the group, team by team. This is their thoughts.

Liverpool England KPB: 51.86, Rank 2 - Top ranked team in the group. Vikings have only played them once, in the first round of WC24, where the teams drew. We like the Vikings odds to of a win or draw at least.

Tadjikistan KPB: 36.86, Rank 13 - Long time qualifiers of the World Cup. Fmjphoenix has no history with them, but we expect some fun matches here. A split between the two matches should happen, and perhaps the Vikings can even steal a little more.

Fmjphoenix KPB: 29.44, Rank 25 - No rank change, but signifigant KPB uppage. The Vikings are looking for their 3rd straight qualification, and their 4th total. More info later.

Kipto-Mare KPB: 10.21, Rank 42 - Not an unfamiliar side to the Vikings, they got their biggest victory over the side to the tune of 5-0 and has never lost against them. Should not be a problem for the Vikings, but you don't get ranked 42nd in the world by doing nothing.

Hypocria KPB: 8.60, Rank 45 - Another up an coming side in the World Cup. They should push for 4th place for certian and may challenge for 3rd as well. These should produce good matches for both sides.

Praying2God KPB: 5.15, Rank 67 - They have returned to the footballing scene after being away for a while and are regaining their power. Despite their low rank, they have knowledgable people around so they can produce some major mishaps if the Vikings are not careful against them.

RyukyuDaitoKazanNampo KPB: 1.11, Rank 139 - New entries to the World Cup. Performed well enough in the Baptism of Fire and could be a good team in the future. For now though they will have to fight for points. Vikings should pick up 6 points here. We like the name though, anaylists spent hours working on the pronunciation.

Aztec Kingdom KPB: 0.50, Rank 168 - Largly unknown side to the Vikings. Should be an easy 6 points, but you can never discount anyone.

The Solar Association KPB: 0.13, Rank 190 - Poor showing in the Baptism of Fire have people looking skeptically at The Solar Association. Again, should be 6 points for the Vikings.

Demonlord12 KPB: 0.00, Rank Unranked - Noone at the FSN could find any info on the team. Should be 6 more points.

More and more is being expected out of Fmjphoenix, as they keep improving and moving up in the ranks to an elite team in the World Cup. This cup should be another move in the right direction.

FSN's Predicted Group 10
1. Liverpool England
2. Fmjphoenix
3. Tadjikistan
4. Hypocria
5. Praying2God
6. Kipto-Mare
7. RyukyuDaitoKazanNampo
8. The Solar Association
9. Aztec Kingdom
10. Demonlord12

Casari4sport

Oh, snap
It's going to be one of those cups

Gameday 1 results:
Five Civilized Nations 1 Casari 1
Trebnak 2 Ruventsoria 0
An archy 4 Metfield 1
Commerce Heights 0 Jacobian Tribes 0
PopularFreedom 3 Oaker 0

Casari starts off with an away tie
Away ties vs. Higher ranked opponents = good

An Andy Ronalo equilizer goal in the 53rd minute in FCN today delivered Casari's first point of the campaign.

A 6th minute goal by a FCN corner lead Casari scramble to catch back up in a first half that clearly revealed some of the team's flaws. However, the team returned with renewes spirit in the second half and quickly equalized, falling back into standoff-mode for the rest of the game, Casari's first in the 3-1-2-1-3.

"We feel that the new formation worked out well for us in our first game." GMC Hill said. "After working out a few kinks and a strategic substitution, we managed to fight our way through."

What is up with the rest of this group
Freaky results send everyone into panic

Then again, on a day where Oaker loses 0-3 to PopularFreedom and Trebnak defeats Ruventsoria, we have to wonder what the next games have in store.

Table
Team W T L F A GD PTS
POP 1 0 0 3 0 +3 3
AAR 1 0 0 4 1 +3 3
TRE 1 0 0 2 0 +2 3
FCN 0 1 0 1 1 0 1
CAS 0 1 0 1 1 0 1
COH 0 1 0 0 0 0 1
JAT 0 1 0 0 0 0 1
RUV 0 0 1 0 2 -2 0
OAK 0 0 1 0 3 -3 0
MET 0 0 1 1 4 -3 0

The Necessary Results, calculated by super-smart Casaran Mathmaticians, will start on MD 3.

Stars start off Owens era with win

WOODSTOCK (ASP) -- Barry Owens knows he has a tough act to follow in Sarzonia. After Dave Wilson guided the Stars to a 94-24-24 mark since the ninth Cup of Harmony, Owens brings a modest 9-3-8 coaching record including 4-1-2 with Sarzonia in the Jeremy Jaffacake Jamboree before World Cup XXV. His team stumbled out of the gates but came back with two goals in the second half to outlast The Gupta Dynasty 3-2 in front of 48,287 at Bryan Marshall Stadium.

"We got ourselves into a big hole in the first half by conceding two goals," Owens said. "I'm not happy with the slow start and that's something I'm going to have to address to make sure that doesn't happen later on in World Cup qualifying."

The Stars found themselves trailing 2-0 when surprise starting goalkeeper Harvey Cooley gave up two "soft as hell" goals in the first 17 minutes. Owens refused to answer questions about the reason Horace Sandt wasn't in the starting 11, but a source close to the team said Sandt missed a meeting.

"He was sending a message to Horace by not starting him in the first half," the source said. "After Harvey conceded two goals [on four shots], Sandt went in."

Sandt declined to answer questions about the reported disciplinary action, saying, "that's between me and Barry." However, Sandt made three saves in the second half and the Stars came back in the second half. Goals by Kenny Cooper, Brian Wilson, and Kevin Wilson in the second half at the 52, 78 and 82 minute marks led the way for the Sarzonians.

"We've got to play a full 90 minutes," defender and team captain Trevor Crenshaw said. "We've only played one match out of 18. It's going to be a very long qualifying campaign."

The Macabees Pulls Off A Miracle!

In a miracle game, The Macabee national team, led by new captain Otto Mannerheim, scored a two-one victory against Oliverry, a team which Fedala International had put down as one of the most likely to go into the finals. Nonetheless, in the first matchday, in what's considered a miracle, Olivery was defeated in a stunning game, which has risen moral throughout the Empire. Indeed, the team's moral, and the fan's moral has skyrocketed through the roof, and the team has vowed to make this win well deserved, and even though they still hold slim hopes for entering the finals, they vow that they will get the team known in a series stunning games like these.

The match opened with a chant by some eight thousand fans, screaning the names of Mannerheim and other top players, while Oliverry's own fans chanted in French. The game began soon after that, with The Macabees starting with the ball. The first two minutes progressed through a series of warm-up passes, attempting to find holes through the Oliverrian defense. Around minute three, Froemer Paulus passed the ball to his sweeper, Otto Mannerheim, to cut it through to Franz Seydlitz who took it up the right wing of the field, making a cross field cut to Wilhelm Großkopf. The latter stopped the ball, moving it a bit back, and finally passed behind a defensive player, breaking up the defense, to Otto Mannerheim, show dribbled into the area and scored one of the greatest goals in his international careers, hitting the net at the top right corner, arching the ball over the hands of the Oliverrian goalkeeper. The goal by Otto Mannerheim kicked off the game at One - Zero, sending the fans wild, and giving Mannerheim a total of six goals total throughout his international career.

The second goal came minute thirty-seven by Oliverry, in a majestical play which was able to defeat the Macabee defense, which was doing outstandingly good, and get the ball behind Derik Vander, who had replaced Hans Kahn for the game. This goal tied the game at One-One, although spirits still remained high since fans had not even expected that. Indeed, something in terms of a Saudi Arabia versus Germany was expected; it is to say, a defeat more than by two goals.

The third and final goal was scored by Paulus in minute '72, settling the game at Two - Zero. The goal was scored after a methodical advance, and it could be said that it was a matter of luck, but nonetheless, it settled the game for a win. This win was never expected, and now that it came, The Macabee's goals have almost been satisfied; indeed, they had never even expected a win, except perhaps teams ranked past one hundred. However, The Macabees, in a post-game press release have conceded the fact that Oliverry's team most likely deserved the win, and that it was a matter of luck, and although The Macabee's team did have skill, he could never claim they had the experience of the others.

The moral of the team has improved, although they claim that they in no way plan to emerge with another victory tomorrow against Rejistania, and actually expect a defeat, although now they believe that it won't be as bad as originally envisioned. Nonetheless, other victories and defeats in the group have suprised the team even more. Indeed, Chicanada defeated Ariddia, the nation's personal favourite, three to nothing, in an epic first matchday. The nation's biggest rival, ironically for ninth place, Revolutionary Islands, lost against the Caprine States one to zero, which is good news after the national victory against Oliverry. Rejistania defeated Crystilakere by one point, which is bad news for the Empire, although again, a victory against Rejistania was never expected. Regardless of the plights of others, fans could be seen around the streets of Audoslavia and Kaze Progressa honking their horns and flying the Macabee flag.

In light of the victory, Derik Vander has kept his position as first string goalkeeper, expecting to stay in the entire game against Rejistania. Paulus will be replaced by Kleitz in the game in an attempt to put in all players to gather information on strengths and weaknesses of the players, although Mannerheim, with his current string of goals, is expected to stay in all games for the rest of the team's stay in Kaze Progressa, unless he gets injured. As a fact, a lot of pressure is being put on his shoulders to make sure he makes the team reknown, even if it doesn't exactly do well in terms of ranking and progressing through to the finals. There is also news that it has been decided to put Hans Kahn into the game the third matchday for the first half, against Ariddia. Even though, current talks with Cuation's team include the purchasing of Hans Kahn who played on of his best games against their national team; this game against Ariddia in two days should seal the deal as his skill is either witnessed in its grandeur, or he fails horribly.

For other games, Cuation's luck brought a draw against One Red Dot, a team relatively unknown to the Empire. Pastorville defeated Lethislavia in a three to zero game, bringing new respect for them from the eyes of The Macabees, and underscoring why they defeated The Macabees in the Baptism of Fire, although there was is still some rancor, as is said in Spanish, about the end of that game. Nonetheless, today's scores have been very strange, and seem out of place. But with today's victory, the team has decided to 'roll with it'.

1:2
Oliverry:The Macabees

Chicanada Daily Rabbler
Lookit! We snuck in!

Kodiaks Begin New Run At Quals With Victory

After sitting through some aggonzing days waiting to see if the Kodiaks could make the XXV Qualifiers after signing up well later than usual, the CFA was pleased to see the Kodiaks name go up in a very interesting Group 2.

One of the last teams drawn, the Kodiaks decided to start on the right foot with a 3-0 victory over Arrida, giving the Clint Dempsey era of Kodiak Footy a promising start. Olani Pjan continued her amazing play, scoring two goals as the Star Point star continues to impress everyone with her speed and quick firing shots - especially over the middle, which is hard to score at.

The Chicanadan side, which plunged to 38th in the rankings after their disaster of a qualifier last year (including a 7-game losing streak which included Group Member Limbrogidlia) looks to be on the short end again as most pundits call it, with many expecting the Kodiaks to be in a fight with Oliverry and the Caprine States for the final qualifying slot. Rejistania and Crystilakere expected to tussle for the Group title. ChicanadaSun and Sky Daily do have the Kodiaks sneaking in as the third qualifier, witht the Cana Daily Press, Ashley Standard, National Bishop Herald and CFA Week having them 4th behind Oliverry. The Rabbler, being of sound mind this time, have the Kodiaks in the middle, finishing 5th with the Caprine States taking the final qualifier. We'll of course see how this goes.

The Kodiaks get thier first home qualifier against unknown Corryptomania. They'll be at Bishop FC's new homegrounds outside Goedi for the match.

Chicanadan Qualifier Schedule (with most locations locked in this time)
MD1: @ Arrida (W 3-0)
MD2: v Corruptomania (@ Bishop Stadia, Goedi)
MD3: @ Revolutionarian Island
MD4: v Crystilakere (@ Douala Central Palace)
MD5: @ Rejistania
MD6: v Caprine States (@ Governess Palace, Colombo)
MD7: @ Limbrogidlia
MD8: @ The Macabees
MD9: v Oliverry (@ Cananite Pavilion)
MD10: v Arrida (@ County Stadium, Bishop County)
MD11: @ Corruptomania
MD12: v Revolutionarian Island (@ Highlands Regional Fair, Middlesborough)
MD13: @ Crystilakere
MD14: v Rejistania (@ Southampton National Square)
MD15: @ Caprine States
MD16: v Limbrogidlia (@ Lis Stadia, Acadia)
MD17: v The Macabees (@ Mogada Arena)
MD18: @ Oliverry

Canucks play like **** in the Slaughterhaus
Slaughterhaus name taken out.

It was sad. Not sad in a way that is emotionally (though it could be), not sad physically (if possible), but sad in almost every other way possible. Little Igor, who was visiting the game before his (now failed) heart was sad Jon Parkin tied the Canucks. Little Anna sold Vodka for 25 cents to save up for a ticket for the game (hard work not rewarded). This was all the disappointment the Hockey Canadians faced at that ill-fated arena and it's name.

The game was boring- it's all we can put it. The first half had a few shots for either team giving Thomas and the Jon Parkin keeper not much to play around with. Hockey Canadian strikers and midfielders couldn't get anything going frustrating the defence and Thomas. Jon Parkin players were scrambling to the delight of Hockey Canadian fans but nothing good was coming out of it for Canuck fans.

The streaker did nothing to lift the spirits of the fans of Hockey Canadians at halftime.

The second half sucked even more for the Canucks when- depsite possession of the ball alot, they couldn't get any good shots on net. The game ended 0-0 to the delight of Hockey Canadian Karelan fans and remembering the wooden spoon in the last World Cup. Thomas and the Jon Parkin keeper both got voted stars of the game despite the fans booing the strikers on both teams for no action.

The next game is against Yafor 2, who beat Crendonia 1-0 in a tightly contested match. The Canucks hope to go to Yafor 2 and give them a thrashing they'll never forget.

Fixtures:

MD1: Jon Parkin 0 - 0 Hockey Canada
MD2: Hockey Canada @ Yafor 2
MD3: Crendonia @ Hockey Canada (Globe Arena-Stadium)
MD4: Israel4Ever @ Hockey Canada (Globe Arena-Stadium)
MD5: Hockey Canada @ Andossa Se Mitrin Vega
MD6: Krytenia @ Hockey Canada (Globe Arena-Stadium)
MD7: Hockey Canada @ Nova Britannicus
MD8: Spaam @ Hockey Canada (Globe Arena-Stadium)
MD9: Hockey Canada @ Jeruselem
MD10: Hockey Canada @ Jon Parkin
MD11: Yafor 2 @ Hockey Canada (Globe Arena-Stadium)
MD12: Hockey Canada @ Crendonia
MD13: Hockey Canada @ Isreal4Ever
MD14: Andossa Se Mitrin Vega @ Hockey Canada (Irkutsk Stadium)
MD15: Hockey Canada @ Krytenia
MD16: Nova Britannicus @ Hockey Canada (Globe Arena-Stadium)
MD17: Hockey Canada @ Spaam
MD18: Jeruselem @ Hockey Canada (Globe Arena-Stadium)

Praying to God for a victory
Unfortunatly, the Tadjiks arent religious

Most Tadjiks were quite confident that the Tigers would be breaking pots in this group, but they took a false start in Praying2God giving away three points in what, for the Tadjiks, could be described as a disaster.
Rezvon Sadirov used his own words for this defeat: 'A disaster? thats an understatement! Our defence is as usual, full of holes. Not that we should be blaming the defenders, they are good, but inexperienced. We just gave it away there and showed everyone that we just arent prepared for this yet.' It seems Tadjiks are rarely prepared at the beginning of the Qualifications.

Indeed the P2G warriors were given to much space, much to the chagrin of the Sadirov brothers. In the meantime the Tigers created only few chances and a handful of shots on the warriors box.
'What more is there to be said?' Bahrom Sadirov answerred to the question whether he wanted to comment his teams bad performance 'I guess i'll have to place Morganin or Orlov or even Both in to put some extra experienced players in our last line. Replacing speed by Experience is not what I planned but if it works, it works. And yes I am aware that some people want already speak of our replacement but I can assure them that we'll keep that honor to ourselves, thank you.'

Michael Frunze trusts his coaches despite this setback :'Nothings been lost yet, this is only the first match and we are confident, the Sadirovs will do all that is necessary to put this team where it belongs; at the top.'

So the Tadjiks can only look forward to the next match against RyukyuDaitoKazanNampo, an inexperienced team itself that was somewhat succesfull in the BoF tournament, offcourse the success there does not guarantee succes here and they should expect a warm welcome in Dushanbe where thousands of Tadjiks fans will be supporting their team. For the Sadirovs, this will be the opportunity to get the team back on the road to the World Cup were it slipped off today.

Fixtures:
MD1: Praying2God - Tadjikistan 1-0
MD2: Tadjikistan - RyukyuDaitoKazanNampo
MD3: Aztec Kingdom - Tadjikistan
MD4: Tadjikistan - Fmjphoenix
MD5: Demonlord12 - Tadjikistan
MD6: Tadjikistan - Hypocria
MD7: The Solar Association - Tadjikistan
MD8: Tadjikistan - Kipto-Mare
MD9: Liverpool England - Tadjikistan
MD10:Tadjikistan - Praying2God
MD11:RyukyuDaitoKazanNampo - Tadjikistan
MD12:Tadjikistan - Aztec Kingdom
MD13:Fmjphoenix - Tadjikistan
MD14:Tadjikistan - Demonlord12
MD15:Hypocria - Tadjikistan
MD16:Tadjikistan - The Solar Association
MD17:Kipto-Mare - Tadjikistan
MD18:Tadjikistan - Liverpool England

GROUP 7
Euroslavia
Svecia
San-Lorenzo
Oglethorpia
Squornshelous
Swilatia
Milchama
Kylaai
Alan Shearer Heaven
Kudlastan


MD1: Away Match: Euroslavia vs. Kudlastan
MD2: Away Match: Euroslavia v Svecia
MD3: Home Match: San-Lorenzo v Euroslavia
MD4: Away Match: Euroslavia v Olgethorpia
MD5: Home Match: Squornshelous v Euroslavia
MD6: Away Match: Euroslavia v Swilatia
MD7: Home Match: Milchama v Euroslavia
MD8: Away Match: Euroslavia v Kylaai
MD9: Home Match: Alan Shearer Heaven v Euroslavia

MD10: Home Match: Kudlastan v Euroslavia
MD11: Home Match: Svecia v. Euroslavia
MD12: Away Match:Euroslavia v San-Lorenzo
MD13: Home Match: Olgethorpia v Euroslavia
MD14: Away Match: Euroslavia v Squornshelous
MD15: Home Match: Swilatia v Euroslavia
MD16: Away Match: Euroslavia v Milchama
MD17: Home Match: Kylaai v Euroslavia
MD18: Away Match: Euroslavia v Alan Shearer Heaven


Another Cup, Another Chance

With World Cup 25 rearing its head around the corner, the Euroslavia Titans are ready to try something different this time around. With the re-structuring of the entire team, as well as a new coach, the Titans are hoping to send a shockwave throughout the competition that this time around, they are very serious about the Cup. A fresh new wave of young stars from Euroslavia proper has given the team a lot of promise, especially with Phillip Frazier, who has proven to be one of the best players of the team, strictly speaking with the Titan offense.

It's not only the team itself who has high hopes, the fans supporting the Titans do as well. Here are a few statements from some of the fans:

"I've never seen a team under so much construction come out of it so united like this. It seems that the Titans have something to show this time around, and they're ready to do it by upsetting a few teams out there. We have a lot of hope for our team on going pretty far in this World Cup, and if not this time, next time around we'll prove it." says Jason Andreus, a regular attender of Titan World Cup action.

"The last few times that Euroslavia has participated in the Cup, they haven't exactly proven themselves as a united team. They just didn't seem to work together in each match, and their standings show that. After the entire re-structure of the team, I'm seeing a new group of youngsters working together to prove themselves, and I can't wait to see how they do in their Group." says an avid Titan fan, regularly watching the matches on his 40 inch plasma television, with a few of his buddies.

"We can't expect to become the best team in this. We can, however, hope for improvement. If the Titans do better this time around, than last time, with a better record, then I can guarantee that majority of the fans in Euroslavia and abroad will be happy. We just need to continue to improve ourselves, and we'll have our place in the international scene."

From these statements, we can only hope that with the support of their fans back at home, the Euroslavia Titans can advance forward as a united team, and prove the current predictions wrong. We shall see.

Titans Win Against Kudlastan; Prove They're Serious

The Euroslavia Titans have a stunning victory to tack onto their achievements, defeating Kudlastan 4-2. This victory alone shows the rest of the teams within Group 7 that they are serious about their recent re-vamp of their team, and that they're ready to take on the next team in the Group, which would be Svecia, who has proven to be one of the better teams of the World Cup series.

The new coach of the Titans stepped forward and made a brief statement on their victory, and their next opponent within the 7th Group.
"This victory definitely helped the players' confidence with all of the training that they have gone through, especially at winning an away match. With this victory, my team is definitely riding on the strength that they showed in the 4-2 victory over Kudlastan, and can only hope that this will guide them to another victory; however, this next match will certainly be a tough one. We can't make the mistake of underestimating any opponent, but at the same time, we just need to keep level-headed and do the best that we can as a team, and that is really the best we can do. If a victory comes out of it, of course we'll be happy. Who wouldn't be? If not, then we know we played our best game. This game will be in front of our home crowd, so we can count on them for their utmost support."

John Carlson (JC): Welcome to the House of Prayer where the Warriors will kick-off their WC XXV qualifying campaign with a match against the second best team in their group, 13th ranked Tadjikistan. The Warriors will be looking to get off to a good start to give justification to the farfetched theory of a Warriors qualifying run. The Warriors were renowned before the WC XXIV fiasco as a team that would make a good run at qualifying before falling just short, and the experts from around the international soccer community are predicting a return to that form for the Warriors in WC XXV. David and Lisa, your thoughts before the opening match of WC XXV for the Warriors.

David Tall (DT): The Warriors continue to draw tough opponents for their openers, as this is the third time in five WCs that the Warriors have played an opponent ranked above them to start qualifying, and the second of those that have been ranked in the top 30. The last time, was in WC XX when the Warriors played a then 27th ranked Jeruselem team on the road and came away with a 1-0 upset that has gone down in Warriors lore, as Thomas Larson scored from midfield in the 90th minute for the upset.

Lisa Simonson (LS): The big question for the Warriors is: Can they continue the strong play they were exhibiting at the end of the JJJ, especially on defense. If the answer is yes, then the Warriors stand a chance of pulling off the upset. If they revert to their WC XXIV form, then they don't stand a chance.

JC: Any predictions as to how the match is going to turn out?

LS: The Warriors are too unpredictable right now for me to feel comfortable making any sort of prediction.

DT: For once, I'm not going to argue with you, Lisa. I'm not going to either.

JC: We'll be right back for the opening kick-off of the Warriors WC XXV qualifying campaign.


*33rd minute**

JC: So far the two teams have been evenly matched, as the Warriors seem to have been able to maintain their JJJ form. The Warriors have the ball in the Tadjikistan end...Thomas Larson connects with Kelly Carter...she makes a move into the box...she has her defender beat by a step...she shoots...OFF THE POST!!! Tadjikistan clears it out of trouble, and the Warriors will have to regroup. You could hear that one hit the post from up here in our booth.

DT: Tough luck for the Warriors there, John. That's the sort of opportunities that you need to convert when you're playing a team as good as Tadjikistan. Hopefully it won't come back to hurt them in the end.

LS: Both teams have had their chances already, David. That was just the loudest that we've had so far. However, it does appear that the Warriors shots have, in general, been more accurate.


*44th minute*

JC: Tadjikistan on the attack now...the ball is played into the box...Jenna Royal gets a head on it...but the ball isn't completely cleared...Tadjikistan trying to capitalize on the failed clearing attempt...a rocket from the edge of the box...DIVING SAVE by Sarah Walker! She punts the ball back to midfield and out of harms way. What a chance Tadjikistan had there, Lisa.

LS: Indeed, John. You don't get too many opportunities like that when you play against the Warriors, so you have to make the most of them. Still, that was a great effort from Tadjikistan, and the Warriors are fortunate that that ball wasn't redirected with as many people in the box as there were.

JC: David, Tadjikistan has outshot the Warriors 5-3, with each keeper having had to make one save. What does that say about how this match has gone so far?

DT: Well John, what it tells me is that both teams need to work on their shooting, as neither one is hitting the net very well right now. Each team has really only had one serious threat. My ears are still ringing from the Warriors threat a few minutes ago when they hit the post.


*81st minute*

JC: We're starting to approach the end of the match, and neither team has figured out how to beat the opposing keeper yet, as we are still scoreless. Lately, Tadjikistan seems to be controling the play, and spending a lot of time in the Warriors end trying to figure out a way to beat Sarah Walker and take the lead...Here they are again...the ball is on the right edge of the box...it's played into the box...it goes over everybody's head and to the other side of the box...where there's a wide open Tadjikistan forward...the shot...SAVED by Sarah Walker...loose ball in front of her...and she dives on it before Tadjikistan can get another shot off...Walker punts the ball back to midfield, allowing all of us to catch our breath for a moment.

LS: You're seeing just why teams try to score early when they play the Warriors, John. Sarah Walker becomes almost impossible to score on at this point in the match, especially when a point or more hangs in the balance.

DT: It certainly helps that she has her confidence back after the fiascos of WC XXIV and CoH XVI. That's going to make her even tougher to score on, as she tries to re-establish herself as one of the world's best keepers.


*85th minute*

JC: Here comes Tadjikistan again...they are outshooting the Warriors 11-4 at the moment, and are on the prowl again...the ball is at the top of the box...it's played out to the left side...here comes the cross into the middle...somebody gets a piece of it with their head...loose ball on the ground...picked up by a Tadjikistan forward...who shoots...right at Sarah Walker, who makes the save. The Tadjikistan forward didn't have a lot of room to operate with there, and Sarah Walker made the easiest save she's had in the last ten minutes.

DT: She may be a little sore after that one, John. The Tadjikistan forward fired that way harder than he needed to from as close as he was. It is clear that they are getting frustrated that they cannot find a way to beat Sarah Walker.

LS: Sarah is one tough cookie though, David. She will be right back in there for the Warriors next match.


*89th minute*

JC: Tadjikistan trying to make one last push to earn the three points. Their defense is pinching up a bit to give them more attackers. Apparently they haven't paid too much attention to what the Warriors can do in these situations...Here we go...Christine Holly intercepts the pass...she passes the ball up towards midfield...where Thomas Larson runs onto it...he slides a quick pass over to Kelly Carter...they have a two on one...Carter back to Larson...Larson back to Carter...the defender trips over their own feet and falls down...Carter brings it into the box...the keeper steps up to try to meet her...she plays the ball of the side of her foot...and it rolls right to Larson...who lightly taps the ball across the goal line. GOOOOOOOAAAAAAAAAAALLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLL!!!!!!!!!!! Thomas Larson scores in the 89th minute to give the Warriors a 1-0 lead! Thomas Larson has done it again!

LS: I wouldn't have wanted to be the Tadjikistan keeper in that case, John. Two outstanding forwards coming at you in a two on you, both of them can score easily. They made the play they had to, picking up Kelly Carter with the ball, but that left Thomas Larson all by his lonesome on the other side of the net for the little tap-in goal for the victory.

DT: You're exactly right, Lisa. There may be people wondering "Why in the world would you leave Larson unattended in that situation, but Carter is just as capable of scoring as Larson is, so the Tadjikistan keeper did exactly what they should have, it just didn't work out for them.


*90th minute*

JC: Tadjikistan hasn't even tried to mount a threat here since the kick-off...

*whistle blows*

That's the final whistle. The Warriors have pulled off the 1-0 upset of 13th ranked Tadjikistan to kick-off their WC XXV qualifying campaign. What a match we just witnessed, wasn't it David.

DT: That was a match like what we would expect to see in the later rounds of the WC. What a match! These two teams battled each other for 90 tough minutes, and in the end it was one small tactical mistake by Tadjikistan that decided the match.

LS: That tactical error is what baffles me, David. When they were preparing for this match, the Tadjikistan coaching staff must have seen tapes of the Warriors making teams pay on multiple occassions for pinching up with their defenders late in a close match. You have to figure that the Tadjikistan coaching staff is going to be second guessed for that decision for a while.

JC: Looking ahead a little bit...Aztec Kingdom comes into the House of Prayer next after hanging tough with Kipto-Mare in their opener before falling 2-3. What do you expect to see in that match?

DT: The fact that Aztec Kingdom held their own against Kipto-Mare today proves that the Warriors cannot afford to overlook them, but it is still a match the Warriors should be able to win, especially at home. If you dare to look beyond that, you can see that the Warriors follow that match with a trip to Demonlord12 and a match here with The Solar Association, before making a trip to Liverpool England to play the defending WC Champions. It is not out of the realm of possibility that the Warriors could be 4-0-0 heading to LE in a match that would suddenly be very interesting.

LS: However, David. Let's not forget that the Warriors have a bad habit of tripping over their own feet when they look ahead and see where they could be, instead of focusing on where they are. Head Coach Paul Johnson will likely use that fact to try to keep the Warriors focused on taking things one match at a time, and let things take care of themselves.

JC: That's all the time we have for today, folks. Please join us next time when the Warriors will be hosting Aztec Kingdom here in the House of Prayer. For David Tall and Lisa Simonson, I'm John Carlson. Good night everybody.

CommerceHeightsAg8nstSport
a special publication of the Aeropag Tribune

Commerce Heights starts off with a home tie
Home ties vs. Lower ranked opponents = bad

A great performance by Davis Teel and Jacobian GK01 throughout the game led to a boring Karelan (yes, this is redundant, but our international readers will appreciate it) 0–0 draw.

A 6th minute goal by a Jacobian striker offside as determined by Bedistani referee Καρατζάς Κώστας (Karatzás Kóstas) in a first half that clearly revealed some of the style modifier’s flaws. However, the team returned with renewes spirit in the second half to continue not scoring, falling back into a defensive 3–4–3.

“We feel that the 3–4–3 is far too defensive,” Paul Iñaki said. “After working out a few kinks and a strategic bribe, we’ll be able to increase our style modifier to about +3, where we can start seeing some goals.”

Only 17 900 spectators arrived at Anaphase Alchemy Stadium, where weather conditions were pretty good for football. This is the second-lowest attendance ever for a Commerce Heights home game, the lowest being the World Cup 7 match against Intergallactic Hell.

WTSH is up with the rest of this group
Freaky abbreviations send everyone into panic

Then again, on a day where Commerce Heights and Jacobian Tribes are not found in the group table and the schedule contains an entire Cup of Harmony, we have to wonder what the next games have in store.

Team W D L GF GA GD Pts
PopularFreedom (POP) 1 0 0 3 0 +3 3
An archy (AAR) 1 0 0 4 1 +3 3
Trebnak (TRE) 1 0 0 2 0 +2 3
Five Civilized Nations (FCN) 0 1 0 1 1 0 1
Casari (CAS) 0 1 0 1 1 0 1
Cup of Harmony (COH) 0 1 0 0 0 0 1
Jativa (JAT) 0 1 0 0 0 0 1
Commerce Heights (COM) 0 0 0 0 0 0 0
Jacobian Tribes (JTR) 0 0 0 0 0 0 0
Ruventsoria (RUV) 0 0 1 0 2 -2 0
Oaker (OAK) 0 0 1 0 3 -3 0
Metfield (MET) 0 0 1 1 4 -3 0

The Incomprehensible Endings, calculated by super-well-paid Aeropag Tribune researchers, will start on MD 1, rather than MD1 as predicted by equally-well-paid PariMedia analysts.

OOC: It’s ‘Ariddia’. Not ‘Arrida’. Nor ‘Arridia’, nor anything else, in fact. One R, two Ds, and an I after the Ds. Which makes two Is in all. Thank you. :)


IC:
Ariddia Get Smashed

As most fans have been fearing, and many have been expecting, Ariddian’s first World Cup match in half a century was a resounding defeat, against one of the Rouge-et-Noirs’ easiest opponents. Ariddia failed to score a single goal, and conceded three to the little-known Chicanadans, boding ominously for the Founders’ future performances in the Cup.

Still, the atmosphere in Darras Olympic Stadium, in the vicinity of the Ariddian capital city Rêvane, was one of excitement. Supporters waved flags for both sides, and the colours red and black seemed to be everywhere. Ariddians who had decided to attend the game knew this was something of a historic event for their country.

For its first match, the Ariddian side began with its pre-announced eleven, captained by Ue Alt. The team all wore a black armband, in mourning for the thousands dead in Alasdair I Frosticus. After the national anthems, accompanied loudly by the supporters of both sides, the world was treated to the first ever performance of an ulek (http://ns.goobergunch.net/wiki/index.php/Ulek) in the World Cup. The Chicanadan team faced the challenge unflinchingly, as the Ariddians performed the brief but powerful ritual with energetic commitment. Then, the entire stadium fell quiet, as a minute of silence was observed for Alasdair I Frosticus, before the match began.

And when it did begin, the crowd cheered from the first moment. There was a sense that Ariddian supporters had been holding their breath for fifty years to finally cry out in support of their country. It didn’t matter that nothing had happened yet; they were cheering merely to see Ariddian players kicking the ball around the field.

The Rouge-et-Noirs held well for the first part of the game, with goalkeeper Sandrine Leduc receiving tremendous applause for stopping an extremely well-aimed, powerful shot by Mill Aroyai. Six minutes after that, Frédéric Clément struck back in style with a shot from afar which, alas, hit the bar.

The match remained goalless for over half an hour, but Ariddia were being forced into an ever more defensive position – which, on the bright side, enabled defender Yves al Jahdali to show off his unquestionable skills. In the thirty-second minute, however, some thoroughly effective playing by Chicanada, and a lapse in the defence’s concentration, meant that the Chicanadans opened the score.

From then on, Ariddia kept going as best they could, but they were clearly outmatched. Well served by Lel, Clément was able to give Raslan Seregn a good scare in the sixty-ninth minute, but the Chicanadan keeper did not lose his cool. By the time the whistle blew, it was Ariddia nil, Chicanada three in Darras Olympic Stadium.

“I wasn’t too disappointed,” one supporter, a biology student at the University of Rêvane-Ouest, said after the match. “We weren’t expecting miracles. Ariddia are the only unranked team in Group 2, so it’s going to be a tough struggle simply not to finish last. Our team are in good shape, and they played well today. All I’m really hoping for is that they score next time, and that we finish with at least three points overall.”

For their next match, Ariddia travel abroad to Oliverry for an even more difficult challenge.

Travel problems cause half the team to miss match, Vikings set back with unexpected loss

This was definetly not the way that Coach Wash wanted to start up his final run as the Vikings coach. Travel problems caused half the starting lineup to not make the match, most notably all 3 starting forwards, Powell Lamar, Kayla Mik’ala and Larry Brown. Without a good chunk of the key players, the Vikings did not have the chemistry that they normall have, and they could not play at top form. This leaves everyone in Fmjphoenix and fans all around the world in state of shock as Fmjphoenix fell to The Solar Association to the score of 2-1.

Despite the shocking loss, there were a few good things that was shown. Brian Dougood scored the lone goal for the Vikings in the 34th minute. Franklin Cabrillo got his first taste of World Cup football, after being the starting keeper for the Junior Vikings since he was 15. It was not a stellar performence, but he did make a few good saves that showed his promise to everyone.

Fmjphoenix Vikings
World Cup XXV Qualification Run
MD01: Fmjphoenix @ The Solar Association 1-2
MD02: Fmjphoenix vs Liverpool England
MD03: Fmjphoenix @ RyukyuDaitoKazanNampo
MD04: Fmjphoenix @ Tadjikistan
MD05: Fmjphoenix vs Hypocria
MD06: Fmjphoenix @ Kipto-Mare
MD07: Fmjphoenix vs Praying2God
MD08: Fmjphoenix @ Aztec Kingdom
MD09: Fmjphoenix vs Demonlord12
-----------------------------------
MD10: Fmjphoenix vs The Solar Association
MD11: Fmjphoenix @ Liverpool England
MD12: Fmjphoenix vs RyukyuDaitoKazanNampo
MD13: Fmjphoenix vs Tadjikistan
MD14: Fmjphoenix @ Hypocria
MD15: Fmjphoenix vs Kipto-Mare
MD16: Fmjphoenix @ Praying2God
MD17: Fmjphoenix vs Aztec Kingdom
MD18: Fmjphoenix @ Demonlord12
-----------------------------------
Qualification Record: 0-0-1

Goal Scorers:
B. Dougood 1

Casari4sport

Group 9 much more confusing that originally thought
Commerce Heights' Discovery of entire Cup of Harmony in group makes people scratch their heads

The apparent discovery of an entire Cup of Harmony in the Group 9 standings has lead to serious questions being raised by CSA President Wilson Graham.

"The fact that an entire tournement can manifist itself as a soccer team, and above that, score a 0-0 draw is confusing. I mean, a 0-0 draw takes some form of effort. Look at all the intensely dull international games we see produced by Karelan teams on a daily basis."

SAINTS SHOCK LETHISLAVANIA IN OPENER BEHIND HAT TRICK

The Pastorville Saints pulled off a stunning upset in convincing fashion in their WC debut, as they upset 34th ranked Lethislavania 3-0 in the National Stadium. The defensive system karela-like style that Pastorville played finally produced the expected result, as they produced a shutout after they had trouble keeping the ball out of the net on their way to a 4th place finish in the recent BOF. The Saints only attacked in counter-attacks, and Lethislavania provided the Saints with plenty of opportunities. The Saints were first able to capitalize in the 21st minute as Reverend Anderson found Reverend Harris behind the defense to make it 1-0. Reverend Harris made it 2-0 in the 38th minute when Reverend Paulson found Reverend Harris behind the defense. Then, in the 82nd minute, Reverend Harris completed the hat trick when Reverend King found him on a cross as part of a Saints counter-attack.


Pastorville 3 Harris 21, 38, 82
Lethislavania 0

Maxime Legardeur: And we've just finished coverage of the Paladin's first WC25 qualifying match at The Hole in Druida.

Benoit Thibault: I don't think anyone was expecting the draw the Paladins managed to scrape.

Maxime: After the Rainbows scored early on in the first half, they were managing to keep the lead pretty well.

Benoit: Here's some footage of the Rainbows defense turning our offense into dead men walking.

(footage of Druidan defensemen knocking the Paladins offense to the ground)

Maxime: That takedown of midfielder Louis Carrantes earned a yellow card and a penalty shot, which forward Andre Berçancon coverted to tie it up at the beginning of the second half.

Benoit: But the head news story tonight is the...odd...means William Branstone has used to attract attention.

Maxime: In an effort to gain attention in his native land of Audioslavia, Branstone selected an unusual costume.

(cut to footage of William Branstone wearing a giant sign saying "I am Branstone, hear me roar)

Benoit: Our analyst, Jerome Rossigny, has commentary on this situation.

(cut to Jerome in another studio)

Benoit: Jerome, what do you think?

Jerome: He's nuts. Absolutely.

Benoit: Thank you. (cut back to Maxime and Benoit) That's all for tonight. Be sure to tune in for coverage of our next match, away at Lethislavnia, who will be looking to rebound after an upset loss to Pastorville.

Sea Dragons Explode for...1-1 Tie?? Hmmm...

The first ever international match held in Errion Vega ended with mixed results for the home team. High hopes had the team riding high into the WC25 qualifiers, and after playing #53 Spaam to a deadlock, those hopes remain very high. "This proves what we have said all along," said Captain Pablo Iglesias. "We can be competitive at this level. We expect that as we adjust to things in the WC, we will give some surprises. Right now 1pt is a great start things off.

The only goal for ASMV was scored by Pao St Martinique in the 67th minute. Unfortunately the highly touted and key reserve forward was injured on the play. A severely sprained left ankle could keep him on the sidelines for two or three games. Also, keeper Shaun Conarky suffered a badly bruised right eye when an explosive shot by [Spaam player left open for their RP] nearly took his head off. The save was a great one, though costly. Shaun is listed as day to day.

The Sea Dragons next travel to #23 Jerusalem who will pose a much more difficult match-up. The team will have to be in top form to come away with a point in this one.

MD1 vs Spaam 1-1
MD2 @ Jerusalem
MD3 vs John Parkin
MD4 @ Yafor 2
MD5 vs Hockey Canada
MD6 @ Israel4ever
MD7 vs Credonia
MD8 vs Krytenia
MD9 @ Nova Brittannicus
MD10 @ Spaam
MD11 vs Jerusalem
MD12 @ John Parkin
MD13 vs Yafor 2
MD14 @ Hockey Canada
MD15 vs Israel4ever
MD16 @ Credonia
MD17 @ Krytenia
MD18 vs Nova Brittannicus

Home games to be played at Errion Vega Stadium

For immediate release to the Trans-border press

Tribuana announces withdrawal from Trans-border Footie

Bananaton-- Having been courted by numerous foreign footie sides after his release from Throck Sisters’ Clothiers and lifetime ban from RBACFA play by Matriarquina Willinana, Tribuana today announces that he has decided not to accept any professional engagement outside the RBA. “I flattered by attention, but not really interested in playing footie in a foreign country,” Tribuana said. “Unless it for RBA national side,” he added.

The announcement may surprise no one, considering his reticence to respond to offers from FCs in Bedistania, Kaze Progressa, and Milchama. However, Bipedaleen footie supporters who hoped to see Tribuana return to prominence, even if for another nation, will be disappointed. “I sorry to my fans,” Tribuana said. “But just wait, I be back.”

This announcement has been prepared by Bananaton Publicity Preparationers, LLC

Bipedal Times
Trans-border newspaper of the RBA

Two-Footers begin third World Cup qualifying campaign on sour note

by Bonga

Hilltown, Dauna Hills-- Tribuana out. Doowawa in. So far, Ms. Throckspartle’s array of forwards, none with trans-border experience, not off to good start. In fact, entire tourney going south. As of first match in Dauna Hills, squad appears to be coming apart at seams.

Things began reasonably enough. Ms. Throckspartle having appointed squad several months back, all had time to get acclimated to acclaimed coach’s notably head-smacky style of management, and all twenty-five players attended practices as required. During initial sessions in Bananaton and Apleton, squad looked good, though teamwork took some time to develop. Not surprisingly for side composed of last season’s top stars in Premiere League, cohesion did not emerge fully formed from Ms. Throckspartle’s forehead, but accreted slowly over many practices.

However, with time group dynamics improved and players began to function as team. By time they boarded banana boat for Dauna Hills, they looked like team of trans-border stature.

Unfortunately, the particular banana boat they boarded turned out to be infested with ratbirds carrying dreaded Banavian Influencia, Type IV. And as anyone who had evicted ratbirds from their basement or closet knows, they are bitey little vermin. By time boat reached foreign shore, eighteen of twenty-five players had come down with moderate to severe Influ, causing usual symptoms of severe shedding, projectile moulting, earwax accumulation, and worst of all, dramatic itchynose, causing uncontrollable nosepicking and snotwiping. Needless to say, when boat docked, team was quarantined by local human health officials.

Fortunately, contagion lasts two weeks and match was not scheduled for sixteen days. Two-Footers spent fortnight cooped up in small shed sneezing brains out, but were released just in time to prepare for match.

Things should thus have turned out well in end. Unfortunately, spending two weeks cooped up together in small shed apparently destroyed all vestiges of team cohesion that Throckspartle had worked so hard to develop, as sniping and bickering progressed to wanton fistfighting and general namecalling. Two-Footers who took to practice pitch two days before match could hardly be called team at all.

Assisted by Tergorsk, Throckspartle proceeded to do her best to whallop some esprit des corps back into her players’ heads, but there was little she could to do repair the damage in so short a time. Best thing for players would have been to spend some weeks apart; but thanks to cruelty of fate and World Cup qualifying schedule, no such time-out break would be provided. By matchday, players had deteriorated from namecalling and fistfighting to threats of purchasing nuclear arms on the black market and employing them against the families of other players.

Still, at nineteen hours local time, captain Blazbloos stood at center pitch and called “Heads” as Druidan official Glen Genwillie tossed coin. Tails it was, and so Daunan captain Dwayne Flapdoodle elected to begin with possession.

Daunan strikers were quickly greeted by Bipedaleen backfield in disarray. Proboscobid and Looloo, longtime veterans, seemed incapable of coordinating flanks with Dognana in center. Flapdoodle, Kale Dwoopers, and mid-forwards Flunxy Pickles and Lorna Doone failed to score in the early going only because they were outmatched in speed and footiness by the apes.

Brief flashes of brilliance by individual Two-Footers resulted in shots by Doowawa, Togoogle, and Blazbloos before the thirty-minute mark, but general failure to support one another kept Two-Footers from maintaining attack long enough to recover and score. Daunans netted first goal on thirty-two minutes as Dwoopers handled a nice pass from Doone as Proboscobid failed to charge to the aid of Dognana after she stumbled. Herculean efforts by keeper Dogdiggle kept the Daunans from scoring again in the half, and the apes went to the changing room down one-nil.

Ms. Throckspartle did her damnedest during the break to make it clear to her players that they were shooting selves in both feet. Proboscobid was benched for poor sporting play, Hooboy inserted in her place. The change may have helped slightly as better communication with Looloo was evidenced by player off bench. Teammates on Throckspartle’s Local 1033 side in domestic play, Hooboy and Looloo at least seemed less mutually antagonistic.

Doowawa kicked off to start second half, and initially, at least, play was improved. Togoogle and Glig showed fine cooperative play, working together to anticipate defensive alignment and penetrate to box. For ten minutes, Two-Footers looked like world-class side facing mediocre opponents, and on fifty-four minutes Blazbloos showed why she was RBA’s top scorer last season as she curled eleven-meter wicked googly kick past right-back Edwana Mills and keeper Dill Humbo to even things at one.

Thus apes had golden opportunity to take control of match. Similarly, apes had golden opportunity to squander a brilliant play. For reasons only they can truly know, Two-Footers chose latter course.

First-half bickering among defenders was replaced by sniping between middies and strikers. Though Daunan offense was not allowed good opportunities, neither could Bipedaleen attack muster any oomph. Play continued in generally lackluster fashion until around eighty-fifth minute, when with score still knotted at one, Srunglooey was called for foul on Kale Dwoopers. Some sort of disagreement then arose regarding defensive line, and Srunglooey, Reebonk, Togoogle, and Glig engaged in minor shoving match which provided enough chaos to give Dwoopers an opening. She took her shot, Dogdiggle was distracted and failed to see it coming, and the Daunan humans went up two-one.

With barely five minutes left in regulation time, Two-Footers were screwed, and accordingly lost. They deserved no better. Supporters and lovers of solidly-played footie everywhere can only hope that their act will have been properly assembled by Ms. Throckspartle’s patented cranial blows by the next qualifying match.

Final score:

Dauna Hills 2 (Dwoopers 32, 85 (pen))
Republic of Bipedal Apes 1 (Blazbloos 54)

OOC: Can we get a link to the roster thread. I want to know my opponent's team players without a complicated search thank you in advance

Alexandria Times-Post-Gazette-Chronicle-Journal-Enquirer

Sports Section

World Cup Campaign starts off with a draw

The Milchama Warriors started off their World Cup XXV qualification in good order with a 2-2 draw at Oglethorpia. All things looked good for the Warriors and while nothing particularly stood out it looked like Coach Fairbanks has picked a good team this time around. After the game Coach Fairbanks had this to say, "We really did not have much prep time together and we had only played one match with this squad prior to the start of the campaign so I really did not know what to expect. We played well today and if we can keep this up I think we could really do well in qualification." Now onto the match report:

The Warriors came out confident and a little cocky looking like they knew they had the victory in the bag and just had to show everyone. And that is how they started the game. In the early going Kunalin made himself known as he started making good passes down the wing to Copperlee and Faren and creating chances for the Warriors. Milchama seemed to dominate midfield and at times it seemed like the only thing stopping the Warriors from blowing the game open was good defending on the part of Oglethorpia. Unfortunately despite the pressure the Ostriches defense did very well in not giving up a goal and even scored the first goal of the game in the 23rd minute as Billiam Christman Jr. got the ball from the defense and slotted it strait thru the Milchamian defense right to Anton Kremlov who beat Koolerc to make it 1-0 Oglethorpia. The lead did not last long though as only two minutes later Darian Flinters did a speed run before passing the ball to the wing for J.J. Faren. Faren did a perfect cross right to Matt Bantin who headed the ball perfectly past the keeper to tie the game up at one. After the goal the Warriors seemed to relent on the attack and the Ostriches almost found the net twice more before the half. Once on a corner kick and once on a defensive breakdown that Memorable's host memorablly hit the post. Halftime score 1-1.

Second Half report:
The Ostriches were the ones who came out attacking in the second half as Mel Memorable and Anton Kremlov kept the ball between themselves and away from the Warrior defenders. Tuck Koolerc though was there to save the day making 3 saves in the first 10 minutes of the second half. But even he could not stop the landslide of attacks and finally gave up a goal in the 62nd minute when Unnamed 5th Midfielder put a perfect free kick around the wall and past Koolerc to put the Ostriches ahead for the second time. After the goal the Ostriches pulled back and "met their opponents in the defensive zone." They seemed to hope their defense would get them thru to a draw. The strategy though seemed to be working as when the Warriors starting throwing men forward the Ostriches counter attack turned deadly. Kendric Pevington though did an excellent job in stopping anything turning too worrisome for the Warriors. Then in the 72nd minute Elana Kilinin came in for Doni Kunalin and pushed Johnny Rintell to the middle. Kilinin and Flinters, who worked together for the first time, put a new burst of speed for the Warriors who attacked down the flanks and wings brilliantly. Kilinin's play even led to the game tieing goal in the 78th minute when she found Dunston Copperlee on a run and lofted the ball right to him. Copperlee took advantage of the opportunity like a professional and scored easily beating Replac to tie the game at two. After he tied the game nothing of note happened.
Final Score:
Oglethorpia 2 (Kremlov 23 Midfielder 62)
Milchama 2 (Bantin 25 Copperlee 78)

OOC - I second Milchama's request for a link to the roster thread

THE ARCHREGIMANCY BRINGS YOU

WORLD CUP TONIGHT

The World Cup wrap-up show with Fr. Nicholas the Scribe and Fr. John the Golden-Throated.

"And welcome back to the studio... a good start for the lads, Fr. John."

"Absolutely, Fr. Nicholas - a 2-1 away win in the first match is always something to humbly give thanks for - though we both owe Da Philelfya Empire an apology"

"Why's that?"

"Well, you'll laugh, but it turns out that they have nothing to do with Byzantine rule of the Anatolian city of Philadephia, nor with the Ecumenical Patriarchate's current titular Metropolitan from the same city..."

"What?"

"I know, crazy, isn't it. In fact, I'm not quite sure what they are - their dialect's so indecipherable, we couldn't understand a word anyone was saying"

"But what about the game, Fr. John?"

"Relatively straightforward, but not without the occasional fright. Let's look at the highlights...

Fr. Pavel wins a free kick on the edge of the area after a typical mazy run in the 17th minute, Fr. Polycarp blesses the referee for making such a favourable decision, and then Fr. Michael the Lesser whips in the cross - nothing to do with the True Cross, of course - only for Fr. Michael the Greater to tower over the defence and send it past the stranded keeper. Textbook Archregimancy play - entirely orthodox. With a small 'o'.

But in the 61st minute, Our Lord reminded us of the need for humility when a disastrous misunderstanding on a corner led to Fr. Justinian fumbling the ball and leaving the opposition with a simple tap in.

Fortunately, our lads recovered immediately. A quick silent prayer before the kickoff, some neat approach play from Fr. David the Water Drinker and Fr. Polycarp, who lobs it into the box, where Fr. Silouan of the Seventy Caves vollies it into the top left-hand corner. Fr. Silouan's been fasting for an entire week before the tournament, and his training regime certainly seems to have paid off."

"So a good start, Fr. John."

"Absolutely, Fr. Nicholas. This is the sort of game we have to win in order to stay in the hunt."

"And what about these rumours of special consultants from New Montreal States?"

"Entirely true, Fr. Nicholas. It seems the Holy Synod approached the Patriarchate of New Montreal States, and asked them about the upset victory over Bedistan in World Cup 10. It seems the Patriarchate will soon be in touch with the NMS footballing authorities to ask if they can send any 'upset consultants'. Because while praying may have worked for Daniel in the lion's den, we might need a more direct approach..."

ON BEHALF OF ALASDAIR I FROSTICUS

THE MONASTIC TIMES BRINGS YOU
THE HOLY EMPIRE'S MD1 REACTION

Members of the Holy Empire Football Association were said to be stunned last night to discover that the Imperials had failed to lose their world cup qualification opener in the Archregimancy overnight.

"I'm stunned too" said coach Juan Tzimisces, who immediately ordered a massive knees-up for the entire squad.

"Blrrrr, grrph, unngg" said an extremely hungover Juan Tzimisces Jr - team captain and scorer of the Holy Empire's goal in a disputed 20th minute penalty - the next morning.

Tzimisces Snr. was said to be even more stunned that but for a late, late injury time equaliser, the Holy Empire would have won their first qualifying match since World Cup 7. "Yes, I can confirm that I'm even more stunned at that" he said.

Concern has been expressed as to whether the squad will be sober enough to travel to their next game, but as the coach said "one point is one more point than we were expecting to get in this campaign, so what the hell! Hey, we're not even bottom of the group yet, though I fully expect that to change in the very near future."

Archambault Legrand, famous throughout NMS as "the boy who scored", headed down the Paladinway towards the now-disactivated gate to The Archregimancy and the Dreamed Realm that had been set up when they had co-hosted the Cup of Harmony a few years back. He had gone there, mostly on a lark, for two or three games between teams he had particularly wanted to see, and had liked it. He had watched the Archregimancy-NMS game during the Cup playoffs, and was impressed by the Archregimancy's faith in their coach and their system, not to mention amazed at how well their backfield managed to fuction with one member under a vow of silence. When they had expressed some interest in hiring him as an "upset consultant," he had sprung for all it was worth, and now he was driving with two cases of clothes and a French-Old Church Liturgic dictionary.

Legrand was 77, looked 55 and acted 25. He smiled constantly, ate heartily, laughed loudly, and blew past men half his age when he went out for a run. He still was still active on the farm that he ended up on, and could still keep pace with his sons as they went about their tasks. He basked in the celebrity that came with being the center of the defining moment of a nation's football program.

Not that he had done anything all that noteworthy after scoring that goal. He had worked with the WC11 team as "assistant-at-large," which ended up being a fancy term for "waterboy." When the NMS had slipped into the bowels of anarchy, his future in professional soccer had turned dim. He had ended up farming in the Bigtopian Colonies, and hadn't attended a soccer game in 45 years when the States suddenly became a peaceful place again. Shortly after the end of WC24, when professional soccer started up again, people from all over had been turning up in droves at his door, with job offers from all across the land. He ended up coaching a second-league team at Moncton Sands, which played in a small stadium about fifteen minutes down the road, because he didn't want to move if the job didn't pan out.

Ticket sales went through the roof twenty minutes after he announced he was taking the post. Moncton Sands swept to the top of the second league, and managed to stay in the first league two seasons running. Now, they were building a stadium three times the size, expanding the road in front of his house, and driving him ballistic with all the attention. He wondered if secular farming was legal in the Archregimancy, since spending the remaining years of his life surrounded by monks was sounding better every day he was attacked by either reporters or road builders as he went to get his morning paper.

A small delegation of Archregimantic and NMS monks had gathered by the portal as he drove up. One of the NMS monks came up to his window as he came to a stop.

"I am Deacon Tikhon the Less," he said in greeting. Archambault assumed this was only a nickname, as the man was about 6'3" and looked like a particularly vicious tackling defensive back. "I will serve as interpreter during your stay in the Archregimancy. These are the coach and captains of the Archregimancy team, who will be your hosts during your stay. The others are simply some of my brothers from the monastery who wanted to meet them, and get a blessing from the Metropolitan."

"So they really are coached by a bishop, then?"

"Yes."

"Wish I had dressed up a little more than."

"You'll be fine."

Archambault stepped out of the car, and stepped forward to meet these footballing monks...

OOC: I'll try to get RPs in, but due to O Level exams this will be very difficult. Another note, to Euroslavia: The team listed first is ALWAYS at home, so your home/away listings are messed up. :P

Injury Update!

This is Kellan Kildan of the ASMV News Network with a special update:

Following extensive tests on the left ankle of Pao St Martinique at the Errion Vega Sports Medicine Facility, it appears that some really bad news is in store for the fans of the Sea Dragons. What was first diagnosed as a severe sprain has now been bonfirmed to be a major tear of tendons and ligaments. The much-used reserve, and team's 3rd leading scorer, is out for the remainder of the WC. Realizing that extreme speed and quickness is needed at the position to make the most of their scoring chances (The team's main focus is on defense), Pao has been replaced on the national team by 16 year old, jr girls phenom, Porche Alexander. The move has surprised many in the organization, but has been well met by the fans - many of whom consider Porche the absolute best footballer in all of ASMV.

"She is fearless," proclaimed Pablo Iglesias. "We played together some during the offseason, and all I can say is "WOW!". You will just have to see her in action. It is completely unbelievable the things she can make the ball do. Kind of like Houdini with a booster jet."

Still, one can only hope for the best when she steps on the field for the first time at this level. Potential is one thing - making use of it is another one entirely.

Kellan Kildan, ASMV News Network

"And what about these rumours of special consultants from New Montreal States?"

"Entirely true, Fr. Nicholas. It seems the Holy Synod approached the Patriarchate of New Montreal States, and asked them about the upset victory over Bedistan in World Cup 10. It seems the Patriarchate will soon be in touch with the NMS footballing authorities to ask if they can send any 'upset consultants'. Because while praying may have worked for Daniel in the lion's den, we might need a more direct approach..."

http://bellsouthpwp.net/h/a/harleyt_1387/bsd_banner.png

Surf 'not worried' about NMS-Archregimancy collaboration

SONOMA CITY -- A recent broadcast from the Archregimancy regarding the apparent hiring of consultants from New Montreal States to provide some pointers on how to produce an upset victory over the Bedistan Lions has apparently "not worried" Lions manager Kenter Surf. "That whole episode was sixty years ago," Surf commented. "A lot has changed since then, and I am confident that whatever tactics the Montrealians...Montrealites...Montrealers...people from NMS used then will no longer be successful. The Archregimancy team would do well to follow their original course of action and just pray. It's the only hope they have."

Meanwhile, the Lions won their opening match of qualifying against Michael Sticklandttttt two-nil in front of what was a record low opening-match crowd of 31,476 at Fillmore National Stadium. Tony Orr scored both goals, and frankly we can't really find anything interesting to say about the match, so we'll just leave it at that.

finalscore
Bedistan 2 (Orr 36, 74)
Michael Sticklandttttt 0

nextmatch
The Lions' next match will also be at home in Sonoma City, this time against unranked Da WhoseLine People.

2084
Mar 11 v Michael Sticklandttttt W 2-0
Apr 15 v Da WhoseLine People
May 13 @ Da Philelfya Empiya
Jun 24 v Brazillico
Jul 15 @ Bakostrovia
Aug 19 v The Weegies
Sep 9 @ Harlesburg
Oct 7 v The Archregimancy
Nov 11 @ Eauz

2085
Feb 24 @ Michael Sticklandttttt
Mar 3 @ Da WhoseLine People
Apr 28 v Da Philelfya Empiya
May 5 @ Brazillico
Jun 16 v Bakostrovia
Jul 14 @ The Weegies
Aug 4 v Harlesburg
Sep 29 @ The Archregimancy
Oct 13 v Eauz

The Nedalia Lions

Lions Offense Uncaged; Defence still Rusty

KAFRA, NEDALIA - Two goals scored in the first hand; two goals conceded in the second half. The Lions showed their usual offensive brilliance against Elrich on Matchday One of the WC Qualifiers, but again showed their defensive inconsistencies after conceding 2 goals in the 2nd half after being up 2 - 0 going into it.

"Obviously, we have work to do. There is always work to do for us on the defensive end," commented manager Randy Gamman. "What bothers me most is that we have brilliant individual defensive players...they just cant seem to get it together when they are on the pitch at the same time. Khadra and Zenith are brilliant defenders, but their communication continues to leave something to be wanted. We have to work on that."

The Lions jumped on Elrich right out of the game, hitting their first goal in the 9th minute after a sensational shot by current Krytenia Young Player of the Year Tim James. After constant pressure, Nedalia got their second goal in the 38th minute, again through James, who's brace now leaves his international tally at 13.

But the 2nd half, despite constant Nedalia pressure, saw Elrich gain 2 goals on some very effective counterattacks. That left the final score at 2-2 in Kafra, not quite the start Gamman had wanted. With 13 games to go, defensive inadequacies will continue to be exposed if they are not neutralized, putting at risk Nedalia's entire campaign.

Pschychoes Start off Strong
Squornshelous opens up with a 3-0 shutout

For the nth time, Squornshelous has opened up world cup qualifying with a win. This time the unlucky victim was unranked Swilatia. The (whatevers) never really stood a chance against the 11th ranked Pschychoes, who came out swinging and never looked back. The first goal went in at 9 minutes, from veteran midfielder Antonio Venegas, who has been awarded the attacking spot in a revamped midfield, which was blamed for many of World Cup 24's shortcomings. It performed up to par this time, as the Pschychoes controlled possession for most of the match. Venegas found himself wide open and Petr Skritsch found him with a long pass that split the defense. From there, it was child's play to put it past the scrambling keeper. In the 20th minute, star striker Franz Persson, who is doubtless looking to redeem himself personally after a disappointing season in the Krytenian Overleague. He looked absolutely flawless on the play, dribbling effortlessly past two defenders and flicking the ball into the far corner of the net. The starting keeper for the match was Oliver Daniels, although a drunken fan probably could have filled in nicely, as Daniels was untested for most of the match. The defense, which was a question mark after the retirement of two starters, performed adequately, but will have to improve when pitted against more talented opponenets. The final goal was scored in the 40th minute by midfielder Petr Skritsch, who found the open space in the middle of the field and fired on the volley to put the match beyond doubt at the half. Coming out after the break, the Pschychoes older starters, midfielders Petr Skritsch and Gunnar Thorsen, along with defender Georges Lemarque, found themselves on the bench, relieved by younger pairs of legs. Specifically, Kryztoff Markanen came in at LM for Thorsen, with Akbar Tsang taking Skritch's place at the back. In defense, 18 year old newcomer Darryl Benitez found himself in his first international match. The subs played as well as the starters, and the Pschychoes played keep away for the entire second half.

Final Score:
Squornshelous 3-0 Swilatia

Scoring Summarry:
SQU: Venegas [9]
SQU: Persson [20]
SQU: Skritsch [40]

Squornshelous' Scorers:
Persson: 1
Skritsch: 1
Venegas: 1

Squornshelous' Qualifying Schedule:
wins losses draws
MD1: Squornshelous 3-0 Swilatia
MD2: Milchama v Squornshelous
MD3: Squornshelous v Kylaai
MD4: Alan Shearer Heaven v Squornshelous
MD5: Squornshelous v Euroslavia
MD6: Svecia v Squornshelous
MD7: Squornshelous v San-Lorenzo
MD8: Oglethorpia v Squornshelous
MD9: Squornshelous v Kudlastan
MD10: Swilatia v Squornshelous
MD11: Squornshelous v Milchama
MD12: Kylaai v Squornshelous
MD13: Squornshelous v Alan Shearer Heaven
MD14: Euroslavia v Squornshelous
MD15: Squornshelous v Svecia
MD16: San-Lorenzo v Squornshelous
MD17: Squornshelous v Oglethorpia
MD18: Kudlastan v Squornshelous

thsd:NEWS
Rock Bottom

THE Aces sit rather less than proudly at the foot of Group Four this morning after a disappointing defeat at the hands of Nova Britannicus. The Navy-Bluebirds, who were knocked out at the last sixteen stage in WCXXIV, stole the game with the only goal.

Manager Dave Van Staveren was somewhat displeased at the post-match press conference, saying that he was "furious at the lack of creativity" in the Krytenian side.

In other team news, an injury to Stephen Greenow in the second half of the game puts him out until at least the Matchday Five clash with Yafor II. His replacement in the team, sixteen-year-old Zack Starkov, became the youngest-ever Krytenian international.

Spaam are the next opponents. See you there!

KRYTENIA - 0

NOVA BRITANNICUS - 1
Jones 71

QUALIFYING FIXTURES:
MD1: H v NBR L 1-0 (Davis Memorial Stadium, Everton City)
MD2: A v SPM
MD3: H v JER (Sixways Stadium, Avidia)
MD4: A v JON
MD5: H v YFR (Denbigh Park, Ousevale)
MD6: A v HCN
MD7: H v ISR (Mellion Lane, Davisham)
MD8: A v AMV
MD9: H v CRN (Field Lane, Tyfield)
MD10: A v NBR
MD11: H v SPM (Oxley Park, Everton City)
MD12: A v JER
MD13: H v JON (Walton Gardens, Simpson)
MD14: A v YFR
MD15: H v HCN (Mercia Stadium, Bromham)
MD16: A v ISR
MD17: H v AMV (The Mound, Secklow)
MD18: A v CRN

Reporter: I Ra~e'he, is that a good beginning for you?
I Ra~e: The Orange-Blues did concede, but I think we should not judge a match only by the amount of goals against, I mean, we won.
Reporter: the temple will not like to hear that.
I Ra~e: I know, I do not mean that we should stop emphasizing on defense, of course not. what I just mean is: this was the top game against the Crystal Method, err, that is how they are called in the rejistani team, Crystilakere.
Reporter: You did not sound karelan here.
I Ra~e: I am karelan, at least in every other nation except System Karela. I only do not see the reason to mourn for conceding one goal. Shit happens, life goes on.
Reporter: Nika~o H~saldu was not too brilliant in this match, how do you justify him being in the team?
I Ra~e: Nika~o did a a good job in the match especially seeing that it was his first match for the first team. Schedule was not on his side, but well, he had to start in a hard match and he did try his best. That is important: always giving ones best.
Reporter: Even if it is not much?
I Ra~e: You are being sarcastic! Maybe you were less sarcastic if you heard that Hexatux decided for Nika~o?
Reporter: It did?
I Ra~e: Indeed.
Reporter: So you are still using Hexatux?
I Ra~e: Hexatux and my own intuition.
Reporter: Do you think the Orange-Blues will qualify?
I Ra~e: I hope so!

Jeruselem Government News

World Cup 25 - Clash of Holy Lands

First game of the World Cup XV for Jeruselem. So who do we meet? Israel4Ever naturally. Yes, the clash of the Holy Lands first game. Two Israels - one winner - us. We won a tight game for a team which is basically the World Cup 24 team playing together for the first time. Not the best game, but the real Holy Land one today.

The team admitted rusty didn't play to full form as in World Cup 24 but did enough to bring home 3 points. Israel4Ever did play well, but their inexperience in front of goal showed up failing to get enough to overcome a team which made the 2rd of WC24.

Yafor 2 defeated Crendonia 1-0 to score the other 1-0 win of Group 4 as there was another 1-0 win. Nova Britannicus took on Krytenia and WON. Yes, the shock for the group.

Now the things called draws. Our friends Hockey Canada took on Jon Parkin and it ended up in a scoreless draw. We'd prefer a Canadian win. Spaam also got a draw, but against a team called ... err.. Andossa Se Mitrin Vega. We do play Andossa Se Mitrin Vega next. Apparently they call themselves the Sea Dragons. Something we learnt today.

Wins for Jeruselem, Yafor 2 and Nova Britannicus while four teams get off with 1 point start. Poor old Krytenia will be in the bottom 3, but they will get going next game.

GROUP 4
Yafor 2 1 Crendonia 0
Hockey Canada 0 Jon Parkin 0
Israel4Ever 1 Jeruselem 2
Andossa Se Mitrin Vega 1 Spaam 1
Krytenia 0 Nova Britannicus 1

Cuation pull of a draw but at cost

A match between a team not even in the top hundrered vs the fourteenth in the world. Cuation had lost again to the Macabees but where Baptisim of Fire champions with home advantage but the gap looked too wide to bridge. The crowd cheered the two teams but nobody in the Southern Island Peaks has any optimisim...

Match

From the start, Cuation played to keep the score down with an expert defensive performance aided by the brilliant Gary Jens who as early as the third minute, turned aside a curling long range effort. With the pressure on, the formation often switched to a 8-1-1 with Peter Tanner constantly knocking down long balls for Giovanni to try something. Having never come up against such skilled defenders, Giovanni and Timothy Asthon resorting to long shots which was saved with ease.

After thirty minutes of desperate defending and quality saves from Gary Jens, manager Jude Takerath reorgnised the team to a 4-4-1-1 formation in an attempt to control the midfield. Roy Ferguson, Sol Major, Jonathan Yan and Gary Jens urged the younger players to keep the team shape. Now forcing the fight into the centre of the park, the One Red Dot had less chances through one fine effort beat Gary Jens to hit a post.

In the 40 minute Heskey Anderton chased a long ball, pressurising his marker into putting the ball behind for a corner. Timothy Ashton sent in the corner with power, towards the far post, where Sol Major headed it down into the path of Giovanni Hatzori whose half volley found its way into the net. Now the playmaker was the teams top goalscorer

For the rest of the half, the team attacked, inspired by the goal and the 30,000 strong home fans. Heskey Anderton had one effort, from inside the box, well saved. Peter Tanner met a Philip Cole cross only to watch the header fly inches wide.

Coming off on top a half time, the team had rode its luck and had Gary Jens to thank but the performance had been decent from everyone else

1-0 at half time

The team where unable to build in the second half and once more where put under pressure with Sol Major, Jonathan Yan and Abel Robinson keeping shots down though Gary Jens was once more the hero, the best save being in a one on one, narrowing the angle well before blocking with his feet.

However as the team put up a strong resistance, disaster struck. In the 65th minute, there was a goal mouth scramble with ended when Gary Jens dived admist the feet, grabbing the ball but getting concussion and a bruised wrist

On came Peter Seamen and Giovanni was replaced by Jamie Hargreves switching to a 4-6-1 formation in an attempt to make up for the diffrence in goalkeeping.

Instantly the defence seemed to be nervy, getting in the way of Peter for crosses and Jamie proved to be eager but useless. The team paid in the 70th minute when the two centrebacks went for the same cross, missed and an unmarked striker steered the bacll past Peter Seamen. As Jude groaned, everyone coudln't help but feel that Gary would have stopped the shot and also not allowed the defensive mistake.

For the rest of the match, it was a case of hanging on for dear life and thanks, mostly to Sol Major and Abel Robinson, the ball didn't enter the Cuation goal again.

When the final whistle blew, the fans cheered the upset and the great effort. Somnehow Cuation had snatched the draw but they still needed to improve to get more results

1-1

Injury news

The concussion will clear up but Gary Jens will be unfit for the next three matches. Peter Seamen will play for those matches

Squad news

Peter Seamen will start the next three matches unless Han Kahn of the Macabees can be brought in. On the bench will be fat goalie Neville Clarkson, the former number one is still good but at 40, his reflexs may be slow

Other news

The team expressed their sympathy for Pao St Martinique who is injured but wishes his replacment Porche Alexander the best of luck in taking such a chance. Hopefully the Sea Dragons can build on their draw against a team much higher in the rankings

Macabees With rumors of a 3million gold bid for Hans Kahn, such a bid may worry Gary Jens but such a move would streangthen the squad. However these moves take time. Cuation is impressed by the suprise 2-1 win and no doubt the team will be anxoius to do better then such rivals.

The results of the Pastorivlle and An archy wins has been greeted with cheers here.

Interview

Manager Jude: "We are happy with the result though we must learn to hold up the ball better, something I will work on. Yes we where second best but we still pulled off a draw and now my team know they can compete. I am not to worried about Gary Jen's injury, it is short and Peter can do a good enough job till then. Our next match, against Hurfordia, is another tough one but I'm sure we will give a good match."

Kericia Stuns Lovisa in Opener

BURNABY, Kericia -- The decision to make Robert Friske coach of the national team appears to be a good one, after the Kericians scored twice in a four-minute span of the first half for a 2-0 victory Saturday afternoon before a full BNU Arena.

Kericia (1-0-0) took the lead in the 23rd minute when forward Jeffrey Bryce headed in a cross by Kurt Cedarholm from the left wing for his first goal in international competition.

Four minutes later, Cooper Brehm nudged a loose ball past Lovisan goalkeeper Fritjof Sievers in the 27th minute to make it 2-0. Brehm nearly made it 3-0 eight minutes later, as he took a cross from midfielder Matt Glannon and attempted a shot, but Sievers maintained the short shot.

Lovisa (0-0-1) had their best chances in the second half. Georg Lunz put a short shot on Kerician keeper Byron McMichel in the 57th minute and McMichel stopped Piotr Corey's header in the 68th minute to clinch the upset. With the victory, McMichel earned his 11th career international shutout.

The Kericians will try to extend their momentum abroad versus the newcomers from Rordia. If all goes as planned, the starters will see limited time in order for them to rest up for the showdown on matchday 3 with Vilita. In the two games against Vilita in World Cup 23's qualifying round, Kericia was outscored 7-0.

LGP: "So how did you get on?"

BP: "No luck. But I know it's in there! I just know it!"

LGP: "Look, you haven't even told me what it even is yet?"

BP: "Well, I can't do that until I get my hands on it!"

LGP: "Is it the secret Audioslavian government conspiracy to stop TnUI playing in the cup?"

BP: "That's just a rumour, OK? Anyway, the blame seems to have been laid at the Progressans door on that one."

LGP: "I'm not so sure. I think there might be something in that conspiracy theory."

BP: "Well, if your so convinced, why don't you just go and look into it yourself?!?!?"

LGP: "Well, it's not as if you're concentrating on your football work either, so why should I?"

BP: "Hey, that's insulting! Of course I'm still on the ball with my football!"

LGP: "OK, so how did Druida do against New Montreal States?"

BP: "They... uh... they... won 1-0???"

LGP: "1-1. It was 1-1."

BP: "Well, they must've scored at the end. I... uh... had to leave the match early to..."

LGP: "47 minutes. New Montreal States scored a penalty just after half-time."

BP: "They did? Well... uh... I'd gone for a cup of tea at half-time and..."

LGP: "They don't sell tea any more. Just alcohol."

BP: "Well... er..."

LGP: "Face it, Bill. You just aren't as focused as you used to be."

BP: "OK, OK."

LGP: "And we're both getting on quite a bit now, too."

BP: "Well... yeah."

LGP: "And you've got this thing that you want to get your hands on, while I'm more than just a little interested in this conspiracy theory business."

BP: "Yeah?"

LGP: "And it's not as if we can't afford it. Playing in the Zucchini Premier League and the DruidLeague had pretty much set us up for life, even before we joined The Daily Druid."

BP: "Yeah..."

LGP: "So, here's the plan. We go freelance as journalists. Then it leaves us as much time as we like for our other interests!"

BP: "Private investigation!"

LGP: "Well, of sorts."

BP: "So we'll be... 'Posters & Gessemschmitthaagen-Po: Freelance Private Investigators and Jounalists'!"

LGP: "Well, I'd prefer my name first, but pretty much, yeah!"

BP: "Cool!"

LGP: "Well, I'd better get off to Audioslavia, then. Guess you'll be doing Druida's trip to The Gupta Dynasty!"

BP: "But my investigation's in Soberity Ci..."

And with that, Liam was gone.

An official and very important message ishere (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showthread.php?p=9857222#post9857222).

"SPACE ALIENS STOLE MY SIGNUP"

Abduction of TnUI signup causes new group draw for whole damn cup

KAZE PROGRESSA - Progressan sports officials reported today that the signup from the nation of Total n Utter Insanity had vanished from the face of the earth, with the result that a new draw, reflecting the presence of the Insanicians and the gracious withdrawal of the nation of Collonie, will take place shortly.

Ministry of Morale spokesman Gerald Dupré stated: "We're sticking with our current line-up of HS teams for the tourney."

Paladins coach William Branstone said of the match against Druida (now a friendly): "No matter what the aliens may or may not have done, it was still a good game."

We concur, and hope nobody will judge KP harshly for not being able to stop alien attacks. I mean, they're aliens. Come on. Who can stop effing aliens?

//OOC: We still love KP and Audioslavia//

Twenty minutes after the practice session began for the Sarzonian national football team after their 3-2 win over the Gupta Dynasty, Barry Owens was interrupted by a telephone call. Following ten minutes of telephone discussions, Owens called his team together.

"Looks like we're going to have to start all over folks," he said. "Apparently, the World Cup committee overlooked the signup of Total 'n Utter Insanity for the World Cup and we will have to do a new World Cup draw." When several players questioned Owens, he shook his head.

"Look, I'm as stunned as the rest of you are," he said. "We've just had one match wiped off the records and we're going to have to start the World Cup all over again." He looked at goalkeeper Horace Sandt and joked. "Looks like your streak's going to keep going."

The team finished the practice session going over its mistakes in the win over The Gupta Dynasty, but with the World Cup starting over, the mistakes won't have an impact on the team's qualification chances. The team has advanced to the World Cup finals in six straight Cups and has advanced to the knockouts four straight Cups. The Stars hope to continue its three Cup stretch of dominance that began with the world's number one ranking after it won the World Cup title in World Cup XXII. Since then, the Stars have held the number one ranking.

"We're going to take the lessons from this match, but we're lucky that they aren't going to cost us anything except a little embarrassment," Owens said.

Casari4sport

First MD Tie whiped off the books as World Cup starts anew
Sideways glances traded in nation's bars as everyone awaits new group draw

The sudden reappearance if Total n' Utter Insanity after it was reported missing has forced WC25 officals to begin again with a new group draw, lengthening what was already set to be a rather long qualifying process.

"Let's be honest, this is not a good thing to happen to us. We had gotten off the hook and dodged many of the most powerful soccer nations in the first draw for this World Cup. But now that's out the window and we have to start the whole thing over." CSA President Wilson Graham said to the lone reporter who bothered to show up to his office.

"We're only thinkful this was caught in time so only one game had to be replayed."

"Ladies and Gentlemen, our first drawn team...

"In Group One, coming from Pot One, is... Starblaydia!"

Simeone Di Bradini could only smile his best as he stood on the platform. His nation had been drawn first, some would obviously expect a conspiracy, being the President and having his team come first while the reporters were all paying attention. The camera bulbs flashed and out came the next team.

"Rejistania!" More applause.

"Cockbill Street!"

"Krytenia!"

"Sarzonia!"

No. The top ten teams were being read out. This wasn't a Group Draw, it was the only way Starblaydia would be the worst team in their group. This wasn't happening. Tenth in the world, bottom of a group of ten... Two own goals to a nothing team... Insanicians rioting in the streets... Progressan referees commiting suicide. This was all wrong.

"Aaah!"

Simeone shot up to a sitting position, a cold sweat on his forehead. He felt the cool air across his body in the darkness, nothing but the green glow of the clock radio in the corner.

"All... all a dream." He sighed and collapsed back onto the bed. The Group Draw was tomorrow, he'd need some sleep before the morning.

BP: "You on that plane yet Liam?"

LGP: "Dou you think you'd be able to make contact with me if I was?"

BP: "Well... good point. Turns out you won't be needing to go to Audioslavia."

LGP: "You're just saying that, aren't you?"

BP: "No, really. The KFA have admitted it was all their fault, and TnUI are back in it!"

LGP: "Oh. So what about the big build up we gave our group?"

BP: "Well, remember World Cup 23, when it was solely down to me that the draw had to be done again? Well, it's a bit like that. Only instead of me finding that Audioslavia hadn't been included, it was IFA Unnamed Mass getting more than a little narked off when Matchday One was played without his team."

LGP: "Oh. So what about the NMS game?"

BP: "It's been officially downgraded to a competitive friendly."

LGP: "A what?"

BP: "Competitive friendly. It was a competitive game, but it counted for nothing."

LGP: "Oh."

BP: "So you coming home then?"

LGP: "Not really. The next plane to Kaza is only a couple of hours off. Might as well hang around and wait for that."

BP: "OK. I'll get back to my PI work."

2005-10-30

BRUNSTONE GRIZZLIES TAKE OUT OAKER AT WC25.

Brunstone, PopularFreedom - In their first match of World Cup 25, the Brunstone Grizzlies did something that their supposed more experienced Loyalty Bay champions (http://ns.goobergunch.net/wiki/index.php/PopularFreedom_Bay_Football_League), the North Beach Sharks (http://ns.goobergunch.net/wiki/index.php/North_Beach_Sharks), had a hard time doing during World Cup 24. They won, and won big. Before an electric crowd of over 50,000 fans at Savage Field the Grizzlies led by the superb goaltending of Drayce Riggens (http://ns.goobergunch.net/wiki/index.php/Drayce_Riggens) were able to stymie a team from the nation of Oaker to win 3-0.

The Grizzlies came out flying with all three of their goals within the first 35 minutes of the game. Costov Felamora opened the scoring for PopularFreedom with a header off a Samik Greman cross that found its way into the top right corner for an early 1-0 lead at the 9 minute mark. Moments later off the restart the Grizzlies were back again for more this time with Vadim Plostorinov blocking an Oaker clearance and then smashing the ball into a gaping net for a 2-0 lead in the 11th minute of play. Felamora was able to get another goal in the 34th minute where he took a free kick from just outside the box and managed to arch a shot just over the hands of the Oaker goaltender and under the crossbar sending the Savage Field fans wild.

At halftime the Grizzlies did wholesale changes to their front 3 forwards, giving their back up forwards much needed game time while Felamora ran into the crowd to join the celebrations with the fans both during the second half and when the game finally ended with a 3-0 victory.

After the game Felamora talked with reporters about what got the Grizzlies so pumped. 'This is the first World Cup game so at it was we were pumped especially playing at home. However with all the talk about us verses Trebnak and the North Beach fans, to see our fans so pumped about our game is amazing. To not see North Beach fans is even more amazing and I think that amazed all of us players since they are so rude and disruptive while our fans came out cheering us with patriotism not rowdiness. It was quite a welcome change from our matches at the Jeremy Jaffacake tourney.'

Brunstone goalie Drayce Riggens also commented on the fans noting, 'it was almost as if the fans were doing a war chant or something'. I have heard rumours that our armed forces might be doing covert actions in relation to that situation in the town of Camelot (http://invisionfree.com/forums/The_Heartland/index.php?showtopic=3503) so I don't know if that what got our fans pumped or just the fact that they did not have to put up with any drunk North Beach fans. Either way it was great to see and I look forward to our fans being that loud in the future'.

With the North Beach Sharks playing today in a critical Bay Football League game however most of the Shark fans were luckily in Loyalty Bay to watch their Sharks in league play and therefore did not interfere with World Cup festivities in Brunstone. Brunstone fans and players however should probably think of this as more of the unusual as opposed to the norm since as long as games do not fall on league game days Shark fans should be out for future World Cup games.

“You mean we won’t be going to Oliverry?!”

Frédéric Clément was bitterly disappointed. The news had just come in that the groups were going to be redrawn, just in time to cancel Ariddia’s planned away match in the nation he had been looking forward to visit.

His usually cheery face had turned glum.

“Look on the bright side.” Ue Alt shrugged. “Our defeat against Chicanada is wiped off the slate.”

“But it damages our momentum!” Uol Lat argued. The others all turned to stare at him. He looked back hesitatingly at them, and coughed.

“You mean. . . our downward momentum?” James Fields asked slowly.

“Now you’re just being negative,” Lat countered, sounding vaguely hurt.

“I wanted to go to Oliverry,” Clément put in sulkily.

“You’re all behaving like a bunch of kids,” Ta I pointed out firmly. “Let’s wait and see what the new draw comes up with.”

“I bet you we end up playing Sarzonia for our opening match. . .”

A soldiers diary...

Wow, that was wierd. There were no crazy PopularFreedom fans at our game today. Then again with it being in our capital of Falkurst maybe that might have had something to do with it. Or maybe the threat that our leader Pauline Soros noted where she was gonna have any PF who entered out nation shot if they acted improperly might have had something to do with it. There was no one from that country at today's game except a few scouts and about 100 commandos. Kinda freaky, they came in on choppers and left likewise. Someone told me they used Trotsgrad as a base. Gosh I hope not, last thing we need is Trotsgrad and PopularFreedom joining forces against us. Been what 3 months since that last conflict with Trotsgrad (http://s4.invisionfree.com/The_Sunbelt/index.php?showtopic=244&st=0). Guess we could do with another war but still with the Cherisovia regional situation (http://s4.invisionfree.com/The_Sunbelt/index.php?showtopic=228&st=15) going who knows where, I think we probably already have enough enemies to deal with.

Either way could definetly use days like today every day. No problems at all. That Jodoski guy who defected to us from PopularFreedom was all over Ruventsoria scoring our first goal in the 15th minute and setting up Kurt Yeller for the second in the 39th minute. Jodoski is awesome and he is only 19 years old. Just brilliant, had our fans chanting his name throughout the game. Wow what a game! I wish all our games were this fun though I know that will probably not be the case, oh well.

October 30, 2005

TREBNAK WIN 2-0 AT WORLD CUP 25.
Johan Jodoski star of the match.

Falkurst, Trebnak. - The capital was pumped today as the Trebnak national team led by teenage phenom Johan Jodoski dazzled the crowd in their 2-0 defeat of Ruventsoria.

Jodoski was able to score once in the 15th minute of play and set up Kurt Yeller during the 39th minute to help Trebnak to an easy 2-0 victory. Jodoski also hit the crossbar twice during the second half as the Trebnak team led by this soccer prodige trounced the opposition in their first game of World Cup 25.

Chan Mrzigod Memorial Square, Commerce Heights, Capital Territory

A quick sequence of soccer scenes is shown on the large video display at the historic site. It is hard to see what is happening, but most viewers are able to make out the scoreboard at Anaphase Alchemy Stadium showing the Capitalizts draw 0–0 with Jacobian Tribes. Then three goals by PopularFreedom are shown in quick succession—it appears that their opponent is Oaker. Some sort of computer display is shown, a group table. The Cup of Harmony is highlighted. The montage ends with Insanician players looking on as Audioslavia hoists the World Cup at Progressair Stadium in Kaza. A flash of shimmering light moves across the screen, and the CHEAT Alliance logo comes into focus, above text reading “World Cup 25 Preview.”

Brad Liang (manager, Commerce Heights Capitalizts): Hello, and welcome to the CHEAT Alliance World Cup 25 preview show. We’ve got a live feed here from Kaza, Kaze Progressa, and are anxiously awaiting the qualifying group draws. While we’re waiting, we’d like to welcome José Fernández Bozbala, head of CHEAT’s Subcommittee for World Cup Lexical Diversity.

Bozbala: Thank you, Brad. My organization, the Subcommittee for World Cup Lexical Diversity, is one of the many changes CHEAT has made to Commerce Heights’s World Cup operating structure. Our primary objective is to encourage national teams to hire players of diverse cultural backgrounds. This is a very difficult thing to measure success in, but our organization has chosen to measure cuturally diverse teams by the diversity of characters appearing in the names of their players. To reward success in lexical diversity, we have set up CHEAT’s First Annual World Cup Lexical Diversity Awards.

We will start by presenting Honorable Mentions to those teams with little diversity, but who are working to achieve that goal. Honorable Mentions go to the national teams of Bedistan, Crystilakere, Oliverry, and Svecia.

Next, we will present awards to the three most lexically diverse teams. In recognition of their outstanding commitment to diversity, Third Place goes to the national team of Ariddia.
A team with an even greater commitment to diversity, and recipient of our Second Place award, is that of Giant Zucchini.
And, without any bias, our Subcommittee has determined that the greatest commitment to diversity belongs to the national team of…Commerce Heights!
We congratulate all of these teams, and encourage them to continue their efforts to produce a culturally and lexically diverse team. And now, back to you, Brad.

Liang: Thanks, José. Now, we’d like to thank some supporters of the Commerce Heights Capitalizts…

OC: this does not represent my OC views. My nation is so bitter about anything

A Rual blow for Cuation

News has come that due to some errors by the World Cup comitee, every single group is being redone. After a hard fought 1-1 draw against the One Red Dot which had raised morale and gained a vital point, the team now discover it got relegated to a friendly.

Giovanni had scored a vital goal in the World Cup but now in a meaningless friendly takes him to top goalscorer, it isn't the same. The staff and players are upset, Gary Jens will be injured for the first three vital matches and the cost of cancelling flights, refunding tickets and recalling scouts. The goverment has had to step in to avoid the FA being bankrupted by the changes.

Let us hope the group is kind but for now, the team will stay at home to rest and train. Meanwhile Jude will be dealing with any transfers though rumors that Rual might be sold for is spreading discontent among the nation.

Draw vs Spaam - Just Spam!

Today, the whole of WC25 has learned that the MD1 games will not count towards the actual tourney results. This sudden change seems to be due to a clerical error in which a team had not been added to the final cut list. As we would be extremely upset if this omision had been us, we completely understand the need to redraw the groups. It is also rumored that the second year intern that made the error has been beheaded, but as of yet those reports are unsubstantiated.

However the injury to Pao St Martinique substained during the match against Spaam will keep him from this WC. The new time to redraw and prepare though most certainly benefits Porche Alexander and Shaun Conarky. Porche has joined the team and now gets some unexpected practice time to adjust to this level somewhat. The bruise to Shaun's eye now seems to be a bon-issue.

********************************************************
Official Statement to the Fans of Cuation:

"We did express interest in obtaining Raul. This was not a one-sided offer however, as Evan Evans had expressed interest in playing for your team. However both sides have agreed that the proposed is not the best fit for either of us. We appologize for any distress that we may have caused you in this regards," Edgar Moroni

Weegie Star - Sport Report
Away win against Bakostrovia "confident, yet shaky"

Bakostrovia - 1 (Bakostrovia #11 75)
The Weegies - 2 (Stu. Taichnas 12, 33)

Team: McInally, McClare, Bailderson (yellow 38), D. Petersen (yellow 43), McAilain, Madsen, McPherson, Andersen, Riddell, Stu. Taichnas, Hunter (yellow 74).

A decent start to the World Cup Qualifying campaign as the Islanders' inexperienced side ratchet up their first win against lowly-ranked Bakostrovia. It was imperative that they win this first match, an away game against a side that the WFA have not managed to glean much information about, and thus prove that they had the nerves to deal with hostile fans in away games and a concordant smaller support on their own side. And prove they did, as they played confident, attacking football that was a delight to watch. Whilst the team was not at full strength, most players managed to come across well, and this means there might be a real strength in depth to this Weegie side. Of course, we may just be being hopelessly optimistic here, but, of course, normally throughout the course of a World Cup Qualifying Campaign, we don't get much call to be optimistic.

The midfield started well, gelling together in a way they hadn't during the Aperin Cup of Nations, driving the Bakostrovians immediately onto the back foot. The silky ball skills of winger Riddell came to immediate show, when he slipped past a Bakostrovian defender to take a curving long-distance shot at the goal, only just clipping the crossbar. Riddell continued to play a large part in the attack of the Weegie plan, shifting his way through the Bakostrovian wing, which looked quite weak.

First blood was drawn in the 12th minute, when good midfield passing gave the ball to Riddell, who came round the outside of the box and hammered it into the six-yard box, where it met the head of duplicate wunderkind Stuart Taichnas, leaping above the goalkeeper to smash the ball home.

Taichnas struck again in the 33rd minute, shoving past a Bakostrovian defender after a supplying pass by Andersen to slice the ball into the net, to the dismay of the onrushing goalkeeper. Two-nil, and the Islanders had a good cushion on which to rest. And rest they did, which was their mistake.

Believing that they had the situation under control, they proceeded to become complacent and thus make mistakes. Bailderson and Petersen both received yellow cards after badly-timed tackles on Bakostrovian strikers threatening to get through. Their interventions, though clumsy, were needed to prevent the Bakostrovians getting through, as the midfield had become a little more lax in its defensive capacity. And, after Hunter (the only player who did not, in my opinion, look altogether comfortable in the match at all) was booked for arguing with the referee about a free-kick given to Bakostrovia on the edge of the box (in his defence, if you look in the after-match video it doesn't look as if Petersen touched him much at all, barely a clip), the Bakostrovians took this as a cue to propel themselves back into the match, a curving shot making its way around McInally and into the net, after being deflected off of Madsen.

Tightening up their game a little, the Weegies pushed back, and McPherson almost scored when the Bakostrovian goalkeeper was recovering from having to dive to beat back a ferocious Taichnas strike in the bottom left corner, but McPherson overhit it and it soared into the stands. Final score: 2-1.

Manager Persson said: "Fair do's, this was the boys' first international game, and I think we played well. We've got to get a bit more in there in terms of attitude once we think we've got the game killed off, because as we proved there, you can never get the game completely killed off. I think that we've almost got it together, though, and although we're not the most experienced of sides, we'll definitely have it together for the next match. The boys are much more charged now that they've tasted victory in World Cup Qualifying. Much more charged, and that'll show in our next match."

Weegie Star
WCC Error Means Group Redraw - Bakostrovia Don't Count

Kaze Progressa - A World Cup Host Official said today that because of an administrative error, the noted omission of Total n Utter Insanity, veteran of many a World Cup, was in fact the fault of the WCC-sanctioned Draw, and in the interests of fairness, the groups will have to be redrawn, this time containing the Insanicans. This means that the win against Bakostrovia does not count as an official World Cup match, and doesn't count to the rankings.

In a press conference today, a Kaze Progressan draw official, looking visibly harassed, stated the position of the hosts:

"Yes, we do admit error. But this is a temporary setback in the World Cup. The games played previously are, because of this, not WCC-sanctioned, and so do not contribute to the official KPB rankings. The games will thus be treated as friendlies, and any cards, etc, are also not carried over to the World Cup matches. To be honest, we would have thought you would have been glad to get a little extra practise..."

The official was then pelted with rotten vegetables by certain members of the press until he ran off, smelling of old melon. It is unclear how such missiles were snuck in, but some nations' media representatives, especially those who pulled off spectacular upsets, did look uncommonly bulky.

WFA Deputy Head Gordon Duncan had this to say: "Well, I have to say I'm surprised. It's quite unprofessional, and I shall be making a complaint to the World Cup Committee about this chaos, which has disrupted every nation's plans for the World Cup. A World Cup should be very much the finest example of sporting prowess and technical ability known to man, and this mess merely undermines the dignity of such a marvellous sporting event. Thankfully, though, this problem was caught sooner, because we were just going to issue a leaflet through the Weegie Department of Sports, Culture and Heritage to other nations in the group. We, unlike some, don't like to make our actions redundant."

A certain hardcore of the Islander's Army, the Weegie supporter's group, have set up a vigil of protest over the perceived injustice of, in the words of one supporter, "no' gien us oor dues fur takin' thae Bakostrovians doon a peg or twa." 1500 of the supporter's group are outside the headquarters of the footballing association of Kaze Progressa, in peaceful (well, as peaceful as the Islanders, or indeed Weegies, get) protest. As usual.

Official and Important Statement from Kaze Progressa about World Cup 25:

Owing to the World Cup 25 Organising Committee consuming far too much Orcinus - or, in OOC terms, a simple blunder - we missed TnUI from the signups.

Milchama had previously offered to withdraw puppet Collonie from the competition if required, and this will now be done to allow TnUI in.

To ensure group balance is retained, a new group draw will be required. This also allows the formula to be tweaked slightly to prevent an excess of upsets as was seen on MD1.

We apologise for the confusion and inconvenience and hope that you roleplay it creatively and with good humour.

This has been an Official and Important Statement from Kaze Progressa about World Cup 25

The back page of The Daily Druid looked odd today. Mainly because where there'd usually be a report on the latest news on the Druida Rainbows, or on the latest minority sport taking place at The Hole that day, was simply the official announcement above, the one that said that the whole of World Cup 25 would have to be started again.

It was Liam Gessemschmitthaagen-Po's idea to run with it. Bill Posters and Eric Tree were both going to write a piece about the debacle, but Liam's persistance that such a message would be harder hitting, and would get the picture across to their intoxicated readership a lot easier, won through. Plus, it'd make the people understand that if that'd've happened to us... well, we'd have wanted the same thing, too.

Bill didn't mind, though. Liam was off to Kaze Progressa to cover the draw, whilst Eric Tree, now the Daily Druid's top sports writer since the two veterans went freelance, would easily cover any goings on with the rainbows back home. It meant that he was free to do what he wanted. And what he wanted was to get to the bottom of just how he hadn't won the presidential election.

Bill had his thoughts, a few theories as to where it had all gone wrong. First up, he played the video of new President Ellis' campaign broadcast, frame by frame. The magical camera of RP, looking in over Bill's shoulder, clearly shows that, for just two frames of the film, a message flashes up. "GET DRUNK, VOTE ELLIS".

He got out of his chair, grabbed his mac, then ran out of the front door of Posters & Gessemschmitthaagen-Po: Freelance Journalists and Private Investigators. Well, I say he ran, more he trotted. Bill is pushing sixty. We're not sure why, though. It's not as if he was going to miss his bus or anything. Guess he must have just been caught up in the moment.

This is a Test of the Emergency Broadcast System

Well you all had us scared for a minute there. Lovisa again? Lovisa Again? Lovisa Again. But we're on to you now, A little scare for good measure, a good Halloween trick! It was planned all along wasn't it? A group with Starblaydia, Bettia, Nanakaland, Ratlea, it all seemed too intriguing to be real. And it was.

But What comes next? How will this reshape the groups? We really don't care, but it will be fun to find out, and even more fun to beat the heck out of Bettia in the match that didn't count!

In Rêvane, today, Ariddian team captain Ue Alt said his country, his team mates and himself were "honoured and pleased" by the award presented to them by the CHEAT Alliance's Subcommittee for World Cup Lexical Diversity.

"Of course," he said, "we share the Committee's desire to see the cultural diversity of nations reflected in the teams they select to compete on the world stage. Ariddia is a very multicultural society. I myself am an Indigenous Ariddian, of the Wymgani people, but my fellow Ariddians are of countless cultural, ethnic and linguistic backgrounds. So, like the CHEAT Subcommittee, I'd like to congratulate the other teams who have received an award, and encourage them to continue reflecting their national diversity. And to the Subcommittee itself, I'd simply like to say: weish a'e, merci beaucoup, many thanks, and... uhm... und vielen Dank."

Jeruselem Government News

MD1 NULL AND VOID

World Cup 25 officials have declared MD1 of the World Cup 25 null and void after a messup with a signup, ironically involving the U21 Championship organiser TnUI. This means Jeruselem don't have 3 points and everything starts again.

The Jeruselem coach grumbled "At least we got some sort of practice match in" while the Jeruselem FA CEO was unavailable for comment, but we was visibly unhappy when leaving his office.

We do not know what is going to happen about replaying MD1 or MD1 never happened. Whatever happens, rumblings of discontent were evident with teams who had won their games.

thsd:NEWS
Answers On A Postcard...

TO the delight of Aces fans everywhere, Matchday One of the World Cup Qualifiers has been voided. The KFA have allowed all thirteen players who competed in the loss to Nova Britannicus to keep their caps, however it does mean that Krytenia will have nine new opponents.

More as it happens.

The redraw is shown on the first post of the thread.

"Well, we still know fairly little about most of our opponents, and we're still statistically expected to finish dead last," was player Frédéric Clément semi-official reaction, on behalf of his team, to the redraw which placed Ariddia in Group 3.

"Our opening match will be away in System Karela. That's bound to be something of a strange experience. We know they're football fanatics, and that their nation was founded by football fans. So we expect there to be a wild atmosphere for the match over there, and we're rather looking forward to it. And we're eager to find out how they'll face our ulek. The only downside is, we've heard rumours they're rather anti-communist.

Our second match will be home against Israel4Ever. We know nothing about them, but we'll make them feel welcome, and hopefully they can tell us all about their country. On matchday 3 we'll be away in Alan Shearer Heaven, also unknown to us. Then we take on Milchama. We know about them, vaguely; they're also very sports-oriented. Limbrogidlia have moved with us from Group 2 to Group 3, so we'll be playing them as expected.

Oglethorpia... We know them! Meeting the Ostriches is something we're all loking forward to, even though it'll be one of our toughest challenges, and they used to be called the Wonderteam back when our predecessors knew them better. Liverpool England will also be difficult to tackle; they've been around for quite a while, and they've kept up the experience we're now lacking. Also, they're the defending champions, so they'll be seeing our unranked side as an easy opponent. We intend to make it as difficult for them as we can.

Then there's Druida, with their colourful flag... and their equally colourful history. And our last match will be against Fmjphoenix.

So... We're expecting it to be a struggle, but we don't want to just fill in the numbers. We're going to put every effort into qualifying." He paused. "See you in System Karela!"

Barry Owens found himself glued to the television set when the World Cup Committee announced the re-draw for World Cup XXV as Sarzonia's 3-2 win over The Gupta Dynasty was turned into fodder for the team's practice sessions and for Owens to "tighten up" the team's defence, which became a major concern when a lightly regarded side scored twice against a Stars side that conceded one goal in the past three World Cup qualifying efforts.

The mahogany surface of his desk in the team's compound near Bryan Marshall Stadium glistened from the glow of the television as Owens had his laptop purring in its patient wait for Owen's typed notes on each side. A pot of coffee sat invitingly behind Owens as the late night hour began to weigh heavily on his eyes. He knew he could find out the draw first thing in the morning and create his notes before the team began its training for the new opponents, but he didn't want to waste a minute of prep time.

The collection of teams began to take shape and Owens grimaced as the names of several sides that have provided opposition for Sarzonia in the past started to coalesce into Group 5.

"Five Civilized Nations," Owens began. He quickly typed whilst announcers were discussing the team. "Heavy coverage in their first-ever World Cup; relatively quiet ever since. Still a dangerous side."

"Euroslavia," Owens continued. His face turned into a noticeable scowl. Noticeable, that is, if he weren't the only living person in the compound. The story of two nations that were close friends at one time but now weren't even on the most basic of diplomatic terms played out in his head. The two governments exchanged barbs and insults after Euroslavia condemned Sarzonia's participation in a defensive war against Pantera and the site of Euroslavia's former embassy in Woodstock was the scene of the burning in effigy of Lady Destra by angry Sarzonians. "No meetings on the football pitch; political situation could get ugly." He would announce later that the match against the Titans would be moved to Portland's Iron Bowl to minimise the political implications of playing in Woodstock.

"Kylaai." Owens continued to write. "Several meetings with Kylaai, including our Baptism of Fire Cup appearance and a Cup of Harmony match. They've gotten better gradually. They're a team to watch in this group."

"Crystilakere." Owens nodded his head grimly. The regional neighbours and football rivals would get two more cracks at each other after Sarzonia's last meeting, a 3-1 win over the Crystils in the World Cup XXIII quarterfinals. Should be excellent for the marketers."

"PopularFreedom." Owens' face took on an air of recognition. "Faced them in the Jeremy Jaffacake Jamboree. Now facing them twice. Should be interesting to see how that side develops as this World Cup goes on."

The rest of the teams were relatively unknown to the Stars, so Owens made mental notes to search for highlights and tapes on the other four teams in the group. Even though the Stars had never met Euroslavia, the team representing the former allies of Sarzonia was going to provide great drama. Also, unlike most of the other newcomers, tapes of previous iterations of the former Chromas were easy to come by.

"This is going to be one interesting World Cup qualifying campaign," Owens said as he shut off his laptop and stood up to leave for his apartment, even though he'd turn around just six hours later and drive back to the training facility.


MD1: @ Jon Parkin
MD2: v. Kylaai, Bryan Marshall Stadium, Woodstock
MD3: @ Five Civilized Nations
MD4: v. PopularFreedom, Bryan Marshall Stadium, Woodstock
MD5: @ Euroslavia
MD6: v. Crystilakere, Bryan Marshall Stadium, Woodstock
MD7: @ Spookyville
MD8: v. Ruvenstoria, Bryan Marshall Stadium, Woodstock
MD9: @ Bakostrovia
MD10: v. Jon Parkin, Bryan Marshall Stadium, Woodstock
MD11: @ Kylaai
MD12: v. Five Civilized Nations, Bryan Marshall Stadium, Woodstock
MD13: @ PopularFreedom
MD14: v. Euroslavia, Iron Bowl, Portland, Somerset
MD15: @ Crystilakere
MD16: v. Spookyville, Bryan Marshall Stadium, Woodstock
MD17: @ Ruvenstoria
MD18: v. Bakostrovia, Bryan Marshall Stadium, Woodstock

thsd:NEWS
Gremlins, Too! (The New Batch)

AFTER much consternation, it has now been revealed that Krytenia will be playing in Group Ten of the World Cup Qualifiers. Manager Dave Van Staveren is pleased at the new draw, as he believes that there is less competition for the top places.

OUR BOYS
KRYTENIA
KPB Rank: 6
FIFA Equivalent Nation: Mexico
Having reached the last four on home soil, the Aces will be wanting to prove the last tournament was no fluke. New manager Dave Van Staveren is confident of his team's abilities, defeat against Nova Britannicus notwithstanding.

MD1 (A)/MD10 (H)
CAPRINE STATES
KPB Rank: 30
FIFA Equivalent Nation: Russia
Yup, it's another double helping of those crazy anthropomorphic goats. A team on the rise during their last meeting with the Aces in WCXXIII qualifying; should push for a finals place this time around.

MD2 (A)/MD11 (H)
EL CID THE HERO
KPB Rank: 19
FIFA Equivalent Nation: Croatia
A team on the slide at the moment; will need to look over their shoulders at some talented sides clamouring for a finals place.

MD3 (H)/MD12 (A)
AN ARCHY
KPB Rank: 108
FIFA Equivalent Nation: Moldova
A case of An archy in the UPK as the Aces' first home game is against a side that turned heads in the Baptism Of Fire tournament. Will probably miss out on the top table time out though.

MD4 (A)/MD13 (H)
NEW MONTREAL STATES
KPB Rank: 58
FIFA Equivalent Nation: Mali
A side that came close-ish to qualifying in WCXXIV. Expect them to be closer-ish in WCXXV.

MD5 (H)/MD14 (A)
THE GUPTA DYNASTY
KPB Rank: 168
FIFA Equivalent Nation: Guyana
Will die nasty at the foot of the group. Next.

MD6 (A)/MD15 (H)
PAGAJEUCIANISM
KPB Rank: UR
FIFA Equivalent Nation: Comoros
A complete unknown, who will probably get less than eight points.

MD7 (H)/MD16 (A)
NEWCOMMUNIST REPUBLICS
KPB Rank: 156
FIFA Equivalent Nation: Nicaragua
Another no-mark lined up for the Gabe Kennedy Shooting Gallery (TM).

MD8 (A)/MD17 (H)
BETTIA
KPB Rank: 39
FIFA Equivalent Nation: Ukraine
Will be the unusual sight of a Krytenian opponent wearing quartered shirts. Should be in the top three.

MD9 (H)/MD18 (A)
TONISSIA
KPB Rank: 60
FIFA Equivalent Nation: Angola
More used to cars than football; could be a spoiler nonetheless.

Cuation now in 7. Will it be 7 Heaven?

Before the draw, the press was warned that the goals would be the same, avoid being bottom of the group, establish themselves and push into the top hundred with any lucky. This time, the team start the qualfiers with a major weakeness, Gary Jens out for three games and Peter Seamen looking ever an incapble deputy.

Spruitland vs Cuation 1(a) and 10(h)

Well this was supposed to happen in the mistaken draw anyway as the last matches. Not a nice start to face: Another example of how far a Baptisim of Fire Team can go, Cuation will struggle against the side in the top thirty. We say it again

They play 4-4-2, hopefully with our five across the centre of the park, we can make a fight for control of the match

Cuation vs Trebnak 2(h) and 11(a)

We don't think they are even ranked, in one of the lower pots, we expect at least four and will be hopeful that we can gain a good enough win to raise moral. Peter should get an easy match

Our first home match should be a win but unknowns can be a danger so the team must be careful not to get cocky. They have a pretty leader though

Nanakaland vs Cuation 3(a) and 12(h)

In the pot above but around 31 places above Cuation, Pot 6 looks far away. Cuation will be hopeful of cuasing an upset at home but with Gary Jens out, the away leg will be very hard.

6-3-1, both teams are natrually defensive but I'm sure our eam will hope to gain control of the midfeild.

Cuation vs Athestan 4(h) and 13(a)

Walkover, plan and simple. A few players may be rested for this and Neville Clarkson may get one last bow here. In the Bof, played this team twice and won both times. First, after the 3-1 loss to the Macabee's, the team improved to win 1-0 with a Heskey goal.

In the quater finals, a 4-1 win was easily obtained with tthe goal conceded being an own goal when 4-0 up. Anything other then six points would be a failure for the Baptisim of Fire champions

Lovisa vs Cuation 5(a) and 14(h)

This should be the match where Gary Jens returns fully fit and he will be needed if the team are not to lose 5-0 in the away game. 16th in the world, Cuation will be lucky to get anything so expect two moral damaging defeats

Cuation vs Bedistan 6(h) and 15(a)

What the team really will need after playing Lovisa, a match against a team currently 3rd in the world. Expect Cuation to again play to limit the scores though Timothy Anderton may like his chances to get down the wing.

3-5-2, the best hope fo Cuation may be for Heskey and Timothy to stay outwide and hit crosses in. Maybe they might even help the team score a goal? Doubt it

Kipto-Mare vs Cuation 7(a) and 16(h)

42 in the world, possible upset perhaps but more likly a run of three humliating defeats. Be glad to get a point, Cuation will once more give as good as they got. Expect more defeats

Demonlord12vs Cuation 8(a) and 17(h)

If Cuation make it four defeats in the trot, they deserve the wooden spoon. This team are unknown but will hopefully be poor enough to allow Cuation 6 vital, moral boosting, points. Must be succesful against teams like these to achive goals.

This last home game in the group for Cuation will hopefully be one of celebrating a win and a good showing in the group with one, meaningless by now, game left

Cuation vs The Weegies 9(h) and 18(a)

Cuation face a nation which has a long footballing history but without much record of sucess, qualifying just twice. Just two places under Kipto-Mare, the team won't qualify though give it a good go. Cuation may hope for an upset however one point would be nice

So a poor chance of getting further but should finish above the bottom, this is how we think the group will turn out

1: Bedistan
2: Lovisa
3: Spruitland
4: Kipto-Mare
5: The Weegies
6: Nanakaland
7: Cuation
8: Trebnak
9: Demonlord12
10: Athestan

The Aeropag Tribune—Still the publisher of CommerceHeightsAg8nstsport, even with the new World Cup draw

World Cup: Iñaki “pleased” with new group
유포, 소코 (YU-PO, SK)—Although the team seemed as depressed as if they had a disappointing 0–0 draw in a recent game, the Capitalizts were preparing for their first match of World Cup 25 qualifying when they got the news of the group draw. The first entry on the list for Group 6, the group the Capitalizts have been drawn in, was Casari—a name that seemed strangely familiar. After the Capitalizts, the third entry, Cockbill Street, brought back memories from the Bulldogs’ only Cup of Harmony appearance. The other names on the list got progressively more obscure, though some names, like Alasdair I Frosticus and Raptor Claw, were recognizable. “I think we’ve got a good chance of qualifying in this group,” said Capitalizts coach Paul Iñaki. “I’m quite pleased with the draw.” In contrast to the last several World Cups, the Capitalizts will use Capitalizm as their primary home stadium, rather than CDA National Stadium, as Capitalizm was built and is owned by the CHEAT Alliance. Other home games will be played at stadiums like Anaphase Alchemy Stadium, home of the Sonoma Center Panthers, but which has never been used in a World Cup campaign.

MD 1: Raptor Claw—Anaphase Alchemy Stadium, Sonoma Center, AN (cap. 73 918)
MD 2: at Casari—Casari National Stadium, Tyrellia (cap. 102 000)
MD 3: Corruptomania—Auswärtssieg Arena, Natestadt, LT (cap. 127 205)
MD 4: Cockbill Street—Capitalizm, 유포, 소코 (Yu-po, SK) (cap. 161 803)
MD 5: at Revolutionarian Island—Stadio Estraja, Dryyil (cap. 42 000)
MD 6: Michael Stricklandttttt—Cirto Seaside Stadium, Cirto, JI (cap. 62 832)
MD 7: at Praying2God
MD 8: Alasdair I Frosticus—Capitalizm, 유포, 소코 (Yu-po, SK) (cap. 161 803)
MD 9: at Bipedal Apes
MD10: at Raptor Claw
MD11: Casari—CDA National Stadium, New Seoul, NM (cap. 173 205)*
MD12: at Corruptomaina
MD13: at Cockbill Street
MD14: Revolutionarian Island—Capitalizm, 유포, 소코 (Yu-po, SK) (cap. 161 803)
MD15: at Michael Stricklandttttt
MD16: Praying2God—Orange-Green Bowl, Aeropag, JI (cap. 107 596)
MD17: at Alasdair I Frosticus
MD18: Bipedal Apes—Ronald Reagan Memorial Field, Cambridge, LT (cap. 78 615)
(home games in bold)
*Match moved from Cliff Broquard Stadium due to safety concerns.

Group Redraw Offsets Anger of the Ignored Oliverry Match

Although after news spread of the denoting of the first matchday as a friendly after several complaints against the world cup host's dealing with the situation, and the consequent anger of Macabee fans expecting to profit from the victory against Oliverry, a new found calm has risen through the ranks of fans and players. Indeed, although regrouped with Rejistania, one of the better teams of the group, the Empire has new found confidence to end up at least in the middle ranking of the group when playing against teams like The Solar Associations and The Archregimancy, and even old time rivals, Pastorville. The victory in the friendly against Oliverry, and the victory in the preceeding friendly against Cuation, has forged into a surge of confidence within the team. The revamped matchday schedules is as follows:

The Macabees:Squornshelous
The Macabees:Brazillico
The Macabees: The Solar Association
The Macabees: The Archregimancy
The Macabees: Pastorville
The Macabees: The Lowland Clans
The Macabees:The Solar Association
The Macabees: Rejistania
The Macabees: Adrasuvare
[With the schedule reversed for games thereafter]

Expectations
The Archregimancy: Although relatively little is known about the team, since this is the first World Cup participation of The Macabees, they are ranked fifty-fourth, a while ninety-eight ranks ahead of the national team, making them a very likely candidate for the top-three, although with the luck of the Oliverry game, not all can be put on rank. Nonetheless, they are certainly a strong rival, and the team will most likely be defeated the third game against them, and then on the twelth day of the games. Nonetheless, they should provide valuable experience to the Macabee National team.

Pastorville: Old rivals of the Macabees, and ultimate victors in the quarter-finals, providing the team with an early ticket home. As ranked 114th they are one of the principal rivals of the team this World Cup, although there is a certain want for vengeance against their last defeat, consequently, it can be easilly assumed that the national team will play some of their hardest the days they play Pastorville.

The Lowland Clans: Ranked fourtieth, these guns are definately going to be top-three in the group. However, again, we can't make a very accurate expectation simply because we don't really know the team.

Rejistania: Definately top-three, perhaps even first, with their current rank as fifth out of one hundred and ninety-three ranked teams. Their only equals aren't in the group, and so they are guaranteed passage into the finals.

Adrasuvare: Adrasuvare sits unranked in the World Cup [couldn't find it], and so is seen as a potential victory for the white and gold team, although there is a general misunderstanding of the ranking system as a direct consequence of the fact that this is our first year in the cup. Nonetheless, we have hopes of marking above Andrasuvare when this is over for us.

Squornshelous: Another lost hope. As eleventh they are a potential rival to Rejistania, but we don't expect a victory over them ourselves. Nonetheless, as all other high ranking teams, we hope to gain valuable experience from these games to further our pursuit for victory in other football competitions, and especially in the next world cup. We expect an utter defeat our first matchday at the hands of these wonderful players.

Brazillico: Eighty-second in ranking, they're higher than us, but not necessarilly a lost hope. Indeed, if we manage to pull off a victory against these, we might rise in ranking immensely, although it would surely be a tough game. But after the victory against Oliverry nothing is impossible, and we continue to cross our fingers.

Svecia: Twenty-first in ranking; these guys are not one to mess with, and they are another candidate for immediate departure into the finals. Nonetheless, the team has promised to try their best in at least ending the game in a draw, although they do specifically adress the concern that it will most likely end in defeat.

The Solar Association: One hundred and ninety in rank, they are the immediate threat to Adrasuvare, and we our the next of their foes. A loss against The Solar Association would most likely mean an early plane ticket home and a disastrous end for the team in the 25th World Cup. However, the team will not treat it like it treated Crendonia, and will not underestimate a single team, even if they are ranked below. However, it is hoped that this game is an easy win.

Players
The line up will remain as explained after the Oliverry game; or as quoted. Derik Vander has kept his position as first string goalkeeper, expecting to stay in the entire game against Rejistania. Paulus will be replaced by Kleitz in the game in an attempt to put in all players to gather information on strengths and weaknesses of the players, although Mannerheim, with his current string of goals, is expected to stay in all games for the rest of the team's stay in Kaze Progressa, unless he gets injured. As a fact, a lot of pressure is being put on his shoulders to make sure he makes the team reknown, even if it doesn't exactly do well in terms of ranking and progressing through to the finals. There is also news that it has been decided to put Hans Kahn into the game the second matchday for the first half, against The Solar Association. Even though, current talks with Cuation's team include the purchasing of Hans Kahn who played on of his best games against their national team; this game against The Solar Association in two days should seal the deal as his skill is either witnessed in its grandeur, or he fails horribly.

BSTV SPORTS TODAY
a production of Bedistan Sports Television

Mike: Good afternoon, everybody, and welcome to BSTV Sports Today! Today is Wednesday, April twelfth, two thousand eighty-four. I'm Mike Green III...

Isaac: ...and I'm Isaac Adams. Our top story today: Five weeks into this year's Bedistan Premier League competition, surprise, surprise, Rolestu is on top after a 3-1 win over Esto. But more interesting is Sokojiwa - are they finally pulling out of their four-year slump? Tied for fourth with Griffin, that's a big improvement over last year's thirteenth-place finish.

Mike: Well, Isaac, I'd say it's too early to tell. I mean, come on, their win this weekend was over Yuba United, certainly not the most challenging of competition--

Isaac: Twelve-time champions Yuba United aren't challenging competition?

Mike: Dude, join the eighties. Yuba was the shit about thirty years ago, now they're barely Premier League material and I wouldn't be surprised to see them go back down to the First Division again this year.

Isaac: What the f--

A siren inside the studio suddenly sounds. ...ahem, alliteration aside...

Mike: That siren means we have breaking news! Let's go live to Marko Portapolo in Kaza. Marko?

Marko: Thanks, Mike. Progressan officials have just released the official qualifying group draw for World Cup 25 version 1.1. And here's how it looks...

Group 7:
The Weegies
Spruitland
Trebnak
Nanakaland
Athestan
Lovisa
Bedistan
Kipto-Mare
Cuation
Demonlord12

Mike: All right, thanks, Marko. We'll take a commercial break and come back to give you a detailed rundown of the new group.

[OOC: Time for slani health class, will finish RP later tonight.]

Casari4sport

Second draw gives chance for all to get off to a better start
Although our start wasn't so bad in the first place.

Well, we did it once, so why not try it again?


Blue are home dates - Red are away dates
MD1/MD10 Corruptomania- Instead of kicking off away to a team in the 20s, we get a home start against a team without a point to their name. If we don't get 6 points from this, we have problems.
MD2/MD11 Commerce Heights- Hopefully we can split.
MD3/MD12 Cockbill Street- Our third C named nation in a row. They're also good, so don't hold your breath on this one.
MD4/MD13 Revolutionarian Island- Third Home game in 4 matches. Another one we want to walk away from with 6, or at least 4. Games against the have-nots are going to make or break this campaign more than games against the haves.
MD5/MD14 Michael Stricklandttttt- Another pair, another shot at a good 6.
MD6/MD15 Praying2God- Another team hovering in the midranked void. Points are always good, but don't rule out a pair of ties.
MD7/MD16 Alasdair I Frosticus- The blast from the past. The moral side makes you want to cheer for these guys... but the fan makes you want more points. Don't put the shock win past them though.
MD8/MD17 Bipedal Apes- They're Bipedial. They're Apes. They'll probably do better than us.
MD9/MD18 Raptor Claw- About equal with us. Expect to trade points or get some ties.

Well, now that that's over, we can start the World Cup... again.

COULD IT GET ANY WORSE?

Well, technically yes, but this will still be a bitch to qualify from

KAZE PROGRESSA - With the redraw announced, the Paladins have found themselves in a much tougher group than their previous one, with four established top-degree nations plus the up-and-coming An Archists making a second fifth-place finish a distinct probability. Here's the teams:

Pagajeucianism - Pagan Jews? Not sure what these guys are supposed to be. Not going anywhere fast.

Newcommunist Republics - As opposed to the Old Capitalist Empires. Another oddly named nation that can't really be distinguished from its rivals.

Bettia - Eh. Gonna whip some Paladin ass, these guys will. Just you wait...

Tonissia - These guys could beat us, although they seem to not care that much. Watch for the upset.

Caprine States - Four legs means twice the dribbling ability. Expect us to have horn-shaped holes on our bums when we're done here.

Krytenia - They made our jerseys. What nice people. But then they insulted the people of Mali by comparing our upcoming free-fall to them. So they're nice to some people, just not Malians. Maybe Malians used to pick on them when they were kids, and now they feel the urge to get back at them, or something.

An archy - These guys could determine who goes on and who gets sent home early. These guys could easily ruin what little hope we have of qualifying.

New Montreal States - Boux.

The Gupta Dynasty - Heck, after what they did to Sarzonia, we'll have to worry about even these guys. Where does it end?

EL CID THE HERO - Here? Naah. Murphy's Law will kick in after they advance with a pair of blowout wins over our sorry bums.

WC11 all over again? Not a prayer, there's just too much talent ahead of us. See y'all in the Cup of Harmony.

Krytenia
Bettia
EL CID THE HERO
Caprine States
NMS
An Archy
Tonissia
The Gupta Dynasty
Newcommunist Republics
Pagajeucianism

To: World Cup Committee
Through: Terry Mangione
Chairman, Incorporated Football Federation
From: Barry Owens
Head Coach, Sarzonian National Football Team
Subject: Match play request

Owing to a tense political situation between Sarzonia and Euroslavia, and with an eye on fairness for both sides, the Incorporated Football Federation hereby requests to have both matches between the Stars and the Titans played on neutral grounds with fans from both nations recused from the stands. We believe the political situation to be untenable and we are concerned that the diplomatic tensions between our two nations may boil over into the grounds.

We have made preliminary preparations in an effort to minimise the potential for injurious behaviour on the part of our supporters by moving the match to the old Iron Bowl in Portland, which has been partly demolished but will retain a seating capacity of 20,000. However, we believe it would be in the best interests of both sides if the matches were moved out of their respective nations.

Chi Sun-Times-Tribune-Star-News-Telegram-Today

Sports Section

Milchama not confident after draw

That's right for once in our lives the Milchama Warriors do not feel good about their qualification chances after being in a group with Liverpool England, Druida and Fmjphoenix. Coach Jonathan Fairbanks after 3 minutes of screaming and cursing finally got calm enough to say, "Goddamnit why us? we were in a good group which we could have qualified in and now we're in a group where we might get 4th place if we're lucky. See ya'll in the Cup of Harmony again." Now the predictions:

Fmjphoenix- Ranked 25th in the world. A good team who we did manage to draw once in WCXXIII qualifying. They were better than they were back then but so are we, we might manage a draw or two.
System Karela- Played them twice last cup and beat them once and drew with them once. We hate karela and know they were formed to be the great karelan nation joining the two karelan nations of the world; Hockey Canada and Rejistania. We want to beat them and should be able too.
Israel4Ever- Collonie beat them in the BoF Cup and despite expectations did not actually play so well in that Cup. Should be an easy 6 points.
Alan Shearer Heaven- Last place team in their BoF group. Another 6 points.
Milchama- We're out for revenge after getting this bad group. We will probably finish 4th.
Limbrogidlia- Oliverry's puppet. Their ranked 72nd overall which is about 20 worse than us. Could be a threat but we should get at least 4 points off of them if not more.
Oglethorpia- In our "first qualification match" we drew them 2-2. We should be able to do just as well in our other matches against these Ostriches. If we don't beat them next time third time is the charm.
Liverpool England- The World Champions. We played them in baseball and lost the first game so far. Unfortunately this is soccer and we will not do as well. We might draw them once if we are extremely lucky but we probably will not do so well and lose twice.
Ariddia- The founders of the World Cup (or so our research department tells us). But as far as we know they have not competed for a long time in the World Cup. They have no KPB ranking so we should beat them. 6 points from these two matches.
Druida- The drunken rainbows of doom. Right now their two most important sports reporters have blown a fuse, their entire country is in a drunken stupor and despite all of that they probably still will qualify for WCXXV. Lucky drunks.

A 4th place finish would be nice but we are expecting 5th place. Anything below that is unexceptable and anything above that is too good to be true.

(OOC: I know KP will take this in the spirit it's intended, but just in case anyone else is unclear, the following is RP, not my real reaction)

MONASTIC TIMES

WORLD CUP GROUPS RE-DRAWN
HOLY SYNOD COMPLAINS BITTERLY ABOUT EXCELITE TREACHERY

By Fr. Nicholas the Scribe

News came to the Archregimancy last night of a shocking betrayal of our team of footballing Orthodox monks as the heathen Excelites of Kaze Progressa changed the World Cup groups with the sole intent of undermining the Archregimancy's qualification chances.

"The Excelites are using some cover story about allowing the Insanicans to participate, but we know that the real reason is to turn our lads into martyrs for the cause" said a senior archimandrite, speaking on condition of anonymity. "How else do you explain our being shifted from a group where there was every chance we might qualify, to a group where we'll be lucky to finish fourth? This is precisely the sort of behaviour we've come to expect from the Progressans - they can't beat us on the field of play, so they try beating us bureaucratically instead. Well, I tell you what, persecuting us didn't work for Nero, Diocletian, Galerius, the Fourth Crusade, the Ottomans or Stalin, so it certainly isn't going to work for Kaze Progressa either"

Rumours that a formal complaint was to be lodged with the World Cup committee were still unsubstantiated as of today, though leading Archregimancy celebrity Fr. Seraphim the Occasionally Dangerously Free-Thinking Theologian was last night urging the Holy Synod to 'get over it' on the grounds that Kaze Progressa's actions, while unfortunate, shouldn't be turned into another Field of Blackbirds - "because a fat lot of good it's done the Serbs, holding on to a grudge for 600 years"

Team captain Fr. Polycarp the Venerable was later kind enough to give his opinion on the redrawn group 2, dubbed by some as the 'Group of Theological Controversy" given the presence of The Archregimancy, Pastorville and the Maccabees in the same qualifying section.

MD1: The Archregimancy v. The Solar Association: "The Solar Association are a far away land about which we know nothing. Therefore probably heretics. A must-win game, especially since it's at home."

MD2: The Archregimancy v. Pastorville: Fr. Polycarp shakes his head "They mean well, but Pastorville are evangelical Protestants, and therefore heretics. This isn't perhaps the best time to engage in long theological discussion of the doctrinal mistakes of evangelical Protestantism, but we shall beat Pastorville with a heavy heart, and a certain amount of sorrow"

MD3: The Lowland Clans v. The Archregimancy: "A tough one this. There are many Orthodox citizens of the Lowland Clans, and usually playing this team would be a cause for celebration. Yet I also feel that they're our main rivals for an upset qualification spot. We simply can't afford to lose to the Clans - we need a draw here, and a win in the return leg."

MD4: The Archregimancy v. The Maccabees: "Don't know about you, Fr. Nicholas, but I'll be racing through the Longer Canon in preparation for this match: Tobit, Judah, the further chapters of Esther and Daniel, the Book of the Wisdom of Solomon, the Book of Sirach, the Prophecy of Baruch, the Prayer of Manasseh - and, of course, the Books of Maccabees. Any clues we can pick up in Scripture will be most welcome."

MD5: Rejistania v. The Archregimancy: "Not a match we expect to win; they thrashed us twice in WC XXIV qualification. The Rejistanians seem to worship a false idol called the 'hexatuxedo' or 'hecatomb' or some such. On the purely practical level our trust in The Lord is not, on its own, currently enough to allow us to equal Rejistanian footballing ability"

MD6: The Archregimancy v. Adrasuvare: "Unknown heretics, and a match we have to win"

MD7: Squornshelous v. The Archregimancy: "Another match - along with the Rejistania game - we can't expect to win. They're too strong, we're too inexperienced, and while we can certainly pray for an upset, the occasional taste of defeat should do wonders for our humility"

MD8: The Archregimancy v. Brazillico: "The only team from the original group draw we're still drawn against. Again, we respect Brazillico for their important role in World Cup history, but the team are a shadow of their former selves. We just hope that they don't try and distract our celibate selves with bikini-clad Brazillican beach bimbos. Because it WON'T WORK"

MD9: Svecia v. The Archregimancy: "Ahhhh.... Svecia. Do you know that Alasdair I Frosticus played them all the way back in World Cup IV? That was before the Archregimancy was founded, of course, but I was a young monk in the Holy Empire back then, and I remember the match as if it were yesterday... Anyway, while Svecia out-rank us, and while they'll be the favourites here, to stand any chance of qualifying we have to beat the Svecians at least once. If not here, then in the return leg."

"And our final placing? Before the Excelite treachery, we had every hope of beating Harlesburg into the third qualification spot. This time, we face a mountain with three teams in the top thirty in the group, and another team in the forties. With the Lord's help, we might be able to pip the Lowland Clans to fourth. But third? That would be a miracle indeed... But through the Lord our God, all things are possible."

<SNIP>

OOC: I'm only on the Emergency World Cup Committee, so I assume I haven't been informed ICly of that message yet, but if and when Ariddia becomes aware of it, we'd be happy to provide neutral territory for those matches.

OOC: Sarzonia, maybe someone else from AO could host your match and I'd host Euro's (I'm in his region) so you both could still get home field advantage?

Cinderella Role Now Much Tougher!

Following a redraw in the WC25 groupings, the Sea Dragons now look up at the larger part of a much tougher group. The team had entertained the possibility that it might just sneak into the next round, now it appears more likely that 5th in the group will be an achievement. Hopefully we can make a lot of noise and spoil some of the more powerful teams dreams.

#7 TotalNutterInsanity MD1(A) MD10(H)
"The Forgotten Team". And now we have to face them at their place in the first game. UHHHGGG! Doesnt look good.

#17 Eauz MD2(H) MD11(A)
What a way to start. Probably no points here either. Will have to work hard to overcome our 0-2 start.

#UR DaWhoselinePeople MD3(A) MD12(H)
Finally in game three we should get a win. We know absolutely nothing of this team, but as they are unranked, we feel pretty good.

#UR(I think) Adam Island MD4(H) MD13(A)
This also looks like a great game for our team to shine. Our first home win will be great for the fans.

# 79 Yafor 2 MD5(A) MD 14(H)
A former great team on the slide. To do anything in this tourney we need to win at home and pull the upset on the road

#139 RyukyuDaitoKazanNampo MD6(A) MD15(H)
Cant take this team lightly. Have to stay focussed and play our game

#33 Hockey Canada MD7(H) MD16(A)
We played these guys well in the JJJ. Will be a tough matchup for us. Hope to gain at least a point - more than that would be early Christmas

#27 Nedalia MD8(A) MD17(H)
Hmmm. This would be the team to surprise. A win or draw here would greatly improve the way other teams view us.

#53 Spaam MD9(H) MD18(A)
We played these guys to a draw in what we thought was the opening game. Now we impatiently await another game. We lost Pao for the entire tourney due to these guys. Time for us to prove a point.


Like I said - a much tougher road indeed

Predictions:
1. tNui
2. Eauz
3. Hockey Canada
4. Nedalia
5. ASMV
6. Yafor 2
7. Spaam
8. ryukyuwhatever
9. Adam Island
10. DaWhosegamePeople

TO: Mr T. Mangione, IFF, Wodstock, Sarzonia
FR: Mr M. Warzycha, KFA, Everton City, Krytenia
CC: Mr S. Di Bradini, WCC, Rêvane, Ariddia
SJ: Neutral Ground

I received your message through the general communique to the WCC, and am volunteering the Denbigh Park stadium in Ousevale for the Sarzonian "home" match against Euroslavia. Our two nations have had a long and deep friendship (and a good on pitch rivalry too - blasted penalties!) and we would like to cement this relationship by coming to your aid again.

Please let us know if this is a suitable proposal.

Yours,
Marshall Warzycha
Chief Executive
Krytenian Football Association

Guy Varrenes: Jimmy, I have an offer for you: do you accept to be the vice-president of the Oliverrian Soccer Association? Atleast, you would have a guaranteed job. Because I'm sure you won't be the president of Oliverry.

Jimmy Youth: I accept. Mainly because I like soccer

GV: Perfect. Now, I can say to you whatever I want.

JY: You're GAY??!??

GV: Yes, as I'm happy

JY: So, you slept with...

GV: No, I'm happy!

JY: That may be because you slept with...

GV: Yes, I slept with the Hockey Canadian prime minister and? You're jealous?

JY: *has eyes wide open* Was it fun?

GV: Yeah! Pretty hot girl

JY: Anyway, let's talk about World Cup 25.

GV: Is there a team made of hot chicks?

JY: Not that I know of

GV: Ah! Ok then, let's get serious. A new draw has been done, so it will help our team to win I think. And it is very easier. The only teams we'll have to worry about are Turori and Harlesburg. Here, Turori is known because of their NS Bowl performances. But, they are as good in the World Cup. A team to watch.

JY: Ok. Will you try to sleep with another important woman again so that we can win?

GV: I'd like to kick you out of here, but Jean Soqueure was worst than you and I had to live with him here for 4 years. So, I'll survive...

JY: We'll also be playing Ratlea, a country made of some Legalesian refugees. So, we'll also have to watch them

GV: Ok... Do you think we have some chances?

JY: Yeah! We will qualify, I'm sure

ON BEHALF OF ALASDAIR I FROSTICUS

THE HOLY EMPIRE HERALD

NEW WORLD CUP GROUPS DRAWN
HOLY EMPIRE'S CONNECTION TO OUTSIDE WORLD STILL NOT WORKING

By Constantine Ducaso
Archregimancy Correspondent


News that the World Cup hosts had re-drawn all of the World Cup groups following a bureaucratic blunder over World Cup III hosts Total N Utter Insanity - a nation that older Holy Empire citizens will fondly remember from early tournaments - was met at HEFA's temporary HQ in the Archregimancy by a massive shrug of the shoulders.

"The Archregimancy might be getting all hot under their clerical collars over the re-drawn groups" said Imperials coach Juan Tzimisces "but since we fully expect to lose most of our games and finish bottom of the group irrespective of who we're playing, I can't say it impacts our lads too much"

In other news, HEFA officials said that they still weren't able to access ordinary physical reality's 'Jolt' telegramme system despite the restoration of a direct link for their hosts in the Archregimancy.

"Still only seems to be working for the monks right now" said a senior official. "Our technical staff started muttering something about 'cookies', so we baked them a batch of double-fudge chocolate chip biscuits. They just looked at us as if we were mad. Personally, I don't understand why they weren't more grateful - we only gave them what they asked for."

HEFA officials also had a quick look at the draw:

1: Revolutionarian Island v. AIF: Though a draw isn't out of the question here, a loss is surely far more likely.

2: AIF v. Michael Stricklandttttt: Our stated prediction of finishing bottom of the group might be in serious danger if we accidentally win against this lowly and unspellable side.

3: Praying2God v. AIF: An almost certain loss. They might also enjoy visiting some of our host nation's tourist sites in the return leg.

4: Corruptomania v. AIF: Another match where we might pick up an unexpected point. Finishing last suddenly looks more difficult than we thought.

5: AIF v. Bipedal Apes: Another two losses. Controversy could arise here, however, as our hosts in the Archregimancy are considering asking for this match to be moved to a neutral venue as they remain unsure of the theological implications of permitting a group of sentient apes into their nation.

6: Raptor Claw v. AIF: Another fellow olde time nation whose present doesn't match their past. Another unexpected point or three?

7: AIF v. Casari: Baptism of Fire runners-up. Might have a bit of a booze-up with their squad after they beat us.

8: Commerce Heights v. AIF: Two crushing defeats loom large.

9: AIF v. Cockbill Street: Make that four crushing defeats.

HEFA officials were said to be unsure as to where the squad would finish. Previous predictions of dead last were said to be less certain than before due to the large number of fellow bottom-feeding metaphor-mixing cannon fodder in the group.

Liverpool England offers to host Sarzonia match

Liverpool England has offered to host either the Euroslavia-Sarzonia or Sarzonia-Euroslavia match, it was revealed today. FALE Chairman Syku Lyku admitted that he had discussed it with his board, and claims that this would hopefully make up for Sarzonia's World Cup 24 final loss to the Terminators (OOC: :p ).

The two teams would have free travel, courtesy of the World Cup's official airline, LivEng Airways, to Liverpool England, and free accomodation has been offered by the FALE. Fans will also get discounted airline tickets, and both sets of fans will each get their own stadium with a LIVE feed from the proposed match venue, the normally-160,000 all-seater National Stadium.

Syku Lyku is expected to fly to Woodstock to discuss anything possile with the Sarzonian FA soon.

Group 9 at glance

Nedalia Well well... the lions are caged up in our group and look for an easy win against us. Think again Nedalians! We're gonna qualify this cup and not gonna let an awesome team get in our way. But only if they're nice (even if they're not). We think we can pull three points out from this.

Spaam We had them in the original draw, so it's only fair we have them in this draw as well. In our group almost as frequently as TnUI, Spaam has went from serious threat to the bitch of our group. Call us crazy, but six points just might happen with these guys.

Total n Utter Insanity Oh shit... not again... 3 out of the last 4 World Cups we've been with these guys and all 4 of them we didn't qualify for. We think we can play spoilers for these guys and walk away happy. Two points will be excellent for us.


Eauz Slani- if there was ever a team we'd have to face, it has to be the former hosts. Eauz is still a great team and can still make it to the top 10 in this cup. However, we plan on stealing a win against these guys giving us a somewhat edge. Three points we guess.

Da WhoseLine People You've gotta be joking. These guys will be wondering where they are against us rather than planning scoring a single goal. We've mastered karela while they mastered talking. Six points from both games without a problem.

Adam Island These guys must have s small island making these guys the American Samoa of nationstates. We'll slap them around like so much clubbed seal they won't know who's eating them. Blubber from these guys will be used to heat us for the rest of qualifying. Six points rather quickly.

Yafor 2 They're slipping in rank almost as bad as they will on our icy field. We have these guys in our hands and freezing cold. Expect no mercy in these games when we try to throw all the remaining clubbed seal we have at them. Six points easily.

Andossa Se Mitrin Vega So maybe they'll try for a point... we give them respect for having their hopes up, but just not yet. We severely disagree with a draw because we need all the points we can get. Six points take (we won't give).

Hockey Canada GO COLDEST SOCCER NATION IN NATIONSTATES!!!

RyukyuDaitoKazanNampo Who? Exactly. Six points before you can say RyukyuDaitoKazanNampo three times fast.

Ondrea Di Lorenzi: Ohhhhhh my head. I had too much to drink.

Random henchman: That Oliverrian guy was over here last night... he said he had sex with you.

OD: Really? I didn't feel anything... you sure he didn't come up short?

RH: I think so... even the Oliverrian girl i had over sucked.

OD: Well... as long as he wasn't big.


Fixtures:

MD1: Hockey Canada @ Spaam
MD2: Total n Utter Insanity @ Hockey Canada (Globen Arena-Stadium)
MD3: Hockey Canada @ Eauz
MD4: Da WhoseLine People @ Hockey Canada (Globen Arena-Stadium)
MD5: Hockey Canada @ Adam Island
MD6: Yafor 2 @ Hockey Canada (Globen Arena-Stadium)
MD7: Hockey Canada @ Andossa Se Mitrin Vega
MD8: Hockey Canada @ RyukyuDaitoKazanNampo
MD9: Nedalia @ Hockey Canada (Globen Arena-Stadium)
MD10: Spaam @ Hockey Canada (Irkutsk)
MD11: Hockey Canada @ Total n Utter Insanity
MD12: Eauz @ Hockey Canada (Irkutsk)
MD13: Hockey Canada @ Da WhoseLine People
MD14: Adam Island @ Hockey Canada (Anadyr)
MD15: Hockey Canada @ Yafor 2
MD16: Andossa Se Mitrin Vega @ Hockey Canada (Globen Arena-Stadium)
MD17: RyukyuDaitoKazanNampo @ Hockey Canada (Anadyr)
MD18: Hockey Canada @ Nedalia

A soldier's diary...

I heard a rumour through others that there was a redraw. Rather odd but hey now we are in group 7 and more importantly them crazies from PopularFreedom are in group 5. No more having to worry about them, well then again maybe but I doubt it. I'm kinda happy though with recent situations I think I was a bit hasty in signing up to be the first to leave this detail. Now looks like the Trebnak-Trotsgrad front is gonna be where the hot spots are and of course I resigned up for that. I never learn.

Bipedal Times
Trans-border newspaper of the RBA

Throckspartle’s head explodes
Faulty Progressan time-slip technology blamed for mishap

by Ingbaba

Apleton-- In a throwback to the good old days of the twenty-third World Cup qualifiers, time has been altered to allow the qualifying group draw never to have taken place. In the process, the cranium of Ms. Throckspartle, manager of the Local 1033 Banana Pickers’ Union side in RBA Premiere League play and coach of the national side, was ruptured. According to eyewitness reports, at the time of the slip, she shrieked in pain and clamped her hands over her head-- which was lucky, as that was the only thing that prevented her shattered skull and brains from flying in all directions.

Eight years ago, the time-reconstitution technique was used by scientists in the Rejistanian Ministry of Mad Science to simultaneously eradicate the group draws, and implant a permanent massive head-ouchie inside Ms. Throckspartle’s skull. This year, owing to another screw-up in the World Cup draw, officials of the Sports and Quackery Institute in Kaze Progressa decided to borrow the technology.

The first day of matches in qualifiers for World Cup twenty-five originally took place two days ago. However, by employing the Rejistanian Time Dilator, the SQIKP has caused that match never to have taken place. Only a brief period was reversed the last time the device was used, and Chrono-Brainal Induction experts at Bipedaleen University say that this may have been the critical difference.

“I not surprised Throckspartle’s head would choose to explode,” said Professor Wingbean, head of BU’s Department of Grey Matter Studies. “It been over a month since world Cup draw; now all that time zapped from history. We just lucky entire team’s heads didn’t go kablooey.”

Jack Spottle, information director at the SQIKP, issued a release after the incident which hedged on the question of responsibility but promised an inquiry. “We all want to know what caused Ms. Throckspartle’s head to explode,” Spottle said. “But let’s not jump to conclusions about it.”

Meanwhile, officials at the RBACFA want to know whether the time-slip device was ever tested before use. “That thing suck,” said Matriarquina Willinana, niece of the Prime Matriarch and head of the Footie Association. “Progressans should have known better after big mess it made when Rejistanians used it. Speaking of that-- whatever happened to Pigpiggie?”

The Matriarquina’s reference to the vanished male footie star, who reportedly disappeared while on a quest to Rejistania to find a cure for Ms. Throckspartle’s time-dilation head-ouchies, went largely unnoticed.

The coach is listed as critical at St. Banana’s Hostel and Hospital in Apleton. Until further notice, Tergorsk has been appointed acting coach of the Two-Footers.

New draw still puts Vikings with Liverpool England

Analysts have been working round the clock working and strategizing for the new group draw. Somehow, the Vikings were drawn with the Terminators again. After several hours of work, Fmjphoenix Sports Network's crack team have come up with these short thoughts:

Fmjphoenix KPB: 29.44, Rank: 25: Its not gonna be easy, but we can do it. Third qualifying in a row? We think so

System Karela KPB: 2.86, Rank: 100: Nation controled by Rejistania and Hockey Canada. They are all about defense. Will that stop the Vikings? We think not.

Israel4Ever KPB: 0.56, Rank: 167: First time in the WC, fresh off of the Baptism of Fire, they probably won't do much. Maybe they will steal some from another lower ranked team, but then again, ya never know. We don't foresee any troubles for the Vikings.

Milchama KPB: 7.38, Rank: 56: They are quietly moving up in the ranks and could be a suprise challenge this time around. History favors the Vikings, but they are not going to go down quietly.

Limbrogidlia KPB: 4.82, Rank: 72: Oliverry colony. They smell pretty cheesy here. Never played them before, but they been playing for a bit now. Shouldn't be much trouble. Will need to bring noseplugs so we don't have to smell anything.

Oglethorpia KPB: 14.89, Rank: 32: They were here before us, but left. Now they are coming back. They will provide major challenge for a top spot, but we think that we can hold them off enough to pass through. Should be fun.

Liverpool England KPB: 51.86, Rank: 2: Top ranked team in the group. Vikings have only played them once, in the first round of WC24, where the teams drew. We like the Vikings odds to of a win or draw at least. (none of that changes at all)

Ariddia KPB: 0.00, Rank: Unranked: The founding nation of the World Cup. They have been away for a while, but they are back now. Who knows what they will do now in their first entry in many years.

Druida KPB: 33.27, Rank: 18: Those pesky druids becomes the team directly in front of Fmjphoenix and second place. Hopefully we will beat the regionmates around for some points. At least it will be a short flight to go play em!

Where will we finish this time around? We think 2nd is possible. Maybe a cosmic phenomena will happen and the Terminators will drop off and Druida will forget how to play football and we will finish in 1st! Who knows? But the druids are up first. Lets have some fun!

The Daily Druid

NEW DRAW, NEW FEAR
Liam Gessemschmitthaagen-Po reports from Kaza

After first being drawn in a group that could have been considered relatively simple for the rainbows qualification hopes, Druida now have a new group. And it doesn't make for quite so friendly reading.

From a group where only two sides had any realistic chance of overhauling the druids, there are now definately no less than three sides who we fancy to have realistic hopes of overhauling them in the group. And as it's three go through, that's not what the folks back home want.

Present for the draw this time was Trefor "Elastic" Edwards, the team's manager. He told us, "We've not been any good at qualifying for almost twenty years now. to get the group we have spells trouble. Four of the teams in our group were in the finals last time around (Liverpool England, Fmjphoenix, Oglethorpia and Druida), incvluding hte eventual winners, and all four will want to make it again this time. Plus there'll be Milchama and Limbrogidlia looking to make it for the first time, and Ariddia looking to try to cut it after so long away. They might not have played at this level for a while, but you can never write off the nation that invented the game."

And, to be honest, I've got to say I share Elastic's fears...

Matchdays 1 (a) & 10 (h): Fmjphoenix
A nice easy start. That's what we wanted, and that's not what we've gotten ourselves. Also worth considering is the fact that Druida are always useless for the first ten games, and as there'll be two Rainbows-Vikings encounters in that period, we're seriously considering that we might be lucky to scrape as much as a point from them. Though it will be interesting to see how an attacking team like the vikings will fare against the flexibility of Druida's new system hisisim.

Matchdays 2 (h) & 11 (a): Limbrogidlia
A nation many Druidans consider a friend, as they do with most of central northern Atlantian Oceania. So expect a friendly rivalry amongst the fans, and at least four points from the two encounters. To qualify, though, we would probably need all six.

Matchdays 3 (a) & 12 (h): System Karela
Defence versus Midfield. We go for midfield every time, on the basis that it can mingle well amongst their defence while sweeping up all it needs to defensively. Once lost to 0-0 Is Evil. But then, we once lost to Harlesburg. What do you mean, Harlesburg are in the top 32 in the world...

Matchdays 4 (h) & 13 (a): Oglethorpia
Well, the ostriches weren't expected to do much last qualifying, but they made it to the finals, where they managed to score as many points as the mighty Vilita and only one less than a team hosting the cup who had been finalists the cup before. Can't remember their name for the life of me, though. Anyway, the point is, they are about on our level, and will be more than a stern test for our lads. Put us down for somewhere between two and four points.

Matchdays 5 (a) & 14 (h): Israel4Ever
At last, a much easier challenge. We'll be looking to wipe Israel4Ever of the footballing map. Two damn good thrashings and six points. Wait, what did I say...

Matchdays 6 (h) & 15 (a): Liverpool England
Can Druida pull off a shock against the World Cup holders, former champs and world number 2? Um... no.

Matchdays 7 (a) & 16 (h): Alan Shearer Heaven
Surely a contradiction, but anyway. Two more easy wins for Druida, and a bloody lip for their opposition.

Matchdays 8 (h) & 17 (a): Ariddia
The last time Ariddia played in the World Cup, a team of plucky young upstarts from a land called NEWI Cefn Druids were making a reputation for themselves as the most useless team ever to grace the international stage. The Druidish Lands have improved a bit since then, though, and the only experience Ariddia have had recently has been in a glorified five-a-side tournament. The harsh reality is that they are now the team of plucky young upstarts, and that Druida should steal six points from them. Still, they won't be losing to any eggs any time soon.

Matchdays 9 (a) & 18 (h): Milchama
Oh dear. That statement can go for both sides here, as Druida have a history of being useless in the middle of qualifying, but finishing on a high. So two home wins are pretty much assured.

So, after that, how many points do we put Druida on? Well, by our reckoning, that's about 35 out of a possible 54. Is that enough to qualify? Well, Druida also have a record of getting the least points out of all of those qualifying for the World Cup finals, so it could be possible. It will probably copme down to who loses the least points against the lesser teams out of Fmjphoenix, Druida and Oglethorpia as to which two of the three go through with Liverpool England. All three have faced embarrasing results over the years, so history's no good way to decide it. In the end, I'd say yes, it is enough. But, as usual, only just. Meanwhile, back home, Eric Tree is as over-confident as ever...


Liam's prediction Eric's prediction
Liverpool England 1 Druida
Fmjphoenix 2 Liverpool England
Druida 3 Oglethorpia
Oglethorpia 4 Fmjphoenix
Milchama 5 Milchama
Limbrogidlia 6 Ariddia
System Karela 7 Limbrogidlia
Ariddia 8 System Karela
Israel4Ever 9 Alan Shearer Heaven
Alan Shearer Heaven 10 Israel4Ever


Bill Posters was not available for comment, while Elastic Edwards refused to make any predictions, other than that Druida will finish "somewhere between first and eighth."

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

Meanwhile, in the Presidential Office...

Intercom: “President Ellis, there’s someone here to see you.”

President Ellis: “Who is it?”

Intercom: “A Mr Posters. Says he’s here to discuss policy away from alcoholic matters.”

President Ellis: “Hang on… you better go, we don’t want him to get any sign that you and me are in this together…”

Ed Wilson (leader of the Free Alcoholic Army): “OK.”

[Wilson leaves]

President Ellis “I’ll give you a buzz when you can come back through, yeah… [into intercom] OK, send him through.”

[Ellis shuffles a few papers about before a knock is heard at the door.]

President Ellis: “Enter… [Bill Posters enters] …ah, Mr Posters. Nice to see you here.”

Bill Posters: “Yeah, right. Look, you know I don’t like you, and I don’t want to stay any longer than I have to, so instead of discussing all these matters over with you, I’ve just written up some of the policy ideas we would have implemented had my campaign been successful. [He hands Ellis some papers.] Just mail me what your opinions on the subject matters are and if there’s anything in there you want to take any further.”

President Ellis: “You’re not staying?”

Bill Posters: “Um, no. World Cup Qualifying draw was earlier. They’ll probably want me to write a piece on Druida’s chances.”

President Smith: “Oh. Well, I guess I’ll get back to you on it. Thanks Mr Posers.”

Bill Posters: “It’s… er… Posters. Thanks.”

President Ellis: “Yeah, whatever you say.”

[And with that, Bill Posters leaves the Presidential Office.]

President Ellis [into intercom]: “There we go. He’s gone.”

Ed Wilson: “OK. Did he take the coffee?”

President Ellis: “No. Said he had to be off to do some writing.”

Ed Wilson: “Oh. Well, we’ll get him some other way, eh?”

President Ellis: "I’m not so sure. I think he's onto us! He really is onto us!"

Ed Wilson: "Relax! There's nothing to worry about!"

President Ellis: "But he really is onto us! I don’t think he did have to go, I just think he was being wary of us. Then there’s the whole election thing. Our security and our intelligence service have both come back with the same response! He's after our tapes! And our plan! The game is up!"

Ed Wilson: "Relax! You don't think we'd keep them all, would you? Hell, no!"

President Ellis: "You mean?"

Ed Wilson: "I've destroyed the evidence. It has been burnt, singed, annihilated. It is no more.”

President Ellis: “So that room Posters is tying to get into… what’s actually in there?”

Ed Wilson: “Nothing. Well, other than a few cinders of what was burnt.”

President Ellis: “So there’s no evidence against us left?”

Ed Wilson: “None whatsoever.”

President Ellis: “Oh. Guess we’ll just have to keep on embarrassing Mr Posters for a bit longer then…”

"Ladies and Gentlemen, our first drawn team...

"In Group One, coming from Pot One, is... Starblaydia!"

Simeone Di Bradini could only smile his best as he stood on the platform. His nation had been drawn first, some would obviously expect a conspiracy, being the President and having his team come first while the reporters were all paying attention. The camera bulbs flashed and... but this had happened before. This would be deja vu had he not dreamt it last night. It was all happening just as before. There was Sani Luvo, operating the odd Rejistanian machine. There were the photographers, the smiling and applauding representatives from other nations.

'DVS' of Krytenia was there, Simeone wondered if he could have him beaten up. Callum Banda too, with that annoying grin of his. It was all going to go wrong. Rejistania would be next, in his Group. He knew it.

"And next... Rejistania!"

"Oh shit." He wondered if anyone heard him mutter, not that it mattered, it was a dream after all.

"So," Luvo continued, "that's the number-one ranked team in Groups One and Two sorted, now on to Group Three. And the team is... our reigning World Champions-"

"Fix!" cried someone in the audience. Luvo ignored them.

"-Liverpool England!"

Simeone took a in as deep a breath as he could, what with his heart racing and beads of sweat forming on his brow. He needed a sit down, but all he could do was lean on the podium a little. As he recovered his composure, it was back to Group One. Not Lovisa, he thought. please, don't make it Lovisa, like before. I don't want to be a prophet, don't want to see the future.

"In with Starblaydia it's... Tadjikistan!"

"Oh thank fuck for that." The room fell hushed, he'd obviously said that too loud. He smiled and glared at his Vice-President Sani Luvo, motioning for him to continue.

"Now," Luvo quickly carried on, "onto Group Two..."

*****

Starblaydia Kick Things Off Against Vilita
Begin and End at Home an Advantage?

Well, if you want a big-name match on the first day of World Cup Qualifying, they don't get much bigger or better than Starblaydia Vs Vilita. Does anyone remember first that match, exactly forty years ago, almost to the day? Starblaydia's first ever World Cup Qualifying Match, where we went over to Vilita, put in a valiant performance and lost 2-1?

That was the match that kicked off Starblaydia's drive to the Top-Ten in the world, part of Vilita's long quest for the ultimate glory of the World Championship, actually won in Starblaydia itself twenty years later. Now, twenty years on from that, things have come full circle and Starblaydia are the team expected to win the Group and beat their opponents at home on Matchday One.

Starblaydia won't think they have Group One sewn up already, though, as the draw for Pot Two's team could barely have been nastier. Only Squornshelous or Crystilakere were higher-ranked teams in that pot, and with Starblaydia being the 'worst' team in Pot One, there are only three KPB places between the top two teams in Group One.

Group One
Nation :: Rank
Starblaydia :: 010
Tadjikistan :: 013
Vilita :: 024
Lethislavania :: 034
Kericia :: 050
Dauna Hills :: 098
Da Philelfya Empiya :: 119
Kudlastan :: 142
Rordia :: 168
Metfield :: 200

Looking at the rest of the Group, the other seven teams should hold no fear for Starblaydia, to put it quite bluntly. Even a draw against teams such as Metfield and Da Philelfya Empiya would be a major shock for our men in white-and-purple.

Match Schedule
MD1: Starblaydia v Vilita
MD2: Kudlastan v Starblaydia
MD3: Starblaydia v Lethislavania
MD4: Starblaydia v Da Philelfya Empiya
MD5: Kericia v Starblaydia
MD6: Starblaydia v Metfield
MD7: Rordia v Starblaydia
MD8: Starblaydia v Tadjikistan
MD9: Dauna Hills v Starblaydia
MD10: Vilita v Starblaydia
MD11: Starblaydia v Kudlastan
MD12: Lethislavania v Starblaydia
MD13: Da Philelfya Empiya v Starblaydia
MD14: Starblaydia v Kericia
MD15: Metfield v Starblaydia
MD16: Starblaydia v Rordia
MD17: Tadjikistan v Starblaydia
MD18: Starblaydia v Dauna Hills

For Starblaydia's roster and RP Permissions, click here (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=9743511&postcount=2).

Jeruselem Government News

World Cup XXV Cut 2

Yes, the World Cup has restarted again with new groups for qualification. Forget the previous broadcasts because it's all new again. Here's our new Group and it look nothing like the old one.

Oaker
Yes, always here and always competitive. Don't write them off although they aren't quite in the class of Sarzonia and TnUI yet. One of the top 3 of this group in our opinion.

Chicanada
Dangerous team to underestimate. Expect them to do well this World Cup. One of the top 3 of this group in our opinion.

Nova Britannicus
From the OLD group. After defeating Krytenia 1-0, gotta watch them. Probably end up in the top 5 of this group.

Jeruselem
If you haven't figured out who JGN support, we give up.

Alemeinia
New team.

Giant Zucchini
Giant veges are back in big way. We do well against this team which is good. Probably end up in the top 5 of this group.

Hypocria
U21 champs of old are here. Expect them to do better than last time we were in same group.

San-Lorenzo
No idea, really.

Kunar
No idea, really.

Jacobian Tribes
No idea, really.

And in Group 9 we have Nedalia and Hockey Canada. Hopefully they don't sabotage each other out of the World Cup. The trouble is Spaam, Eauz and .... TnUI are there too.

Own Goal!
Episode 2: Conspiracy Theory

(Camera shows a dressing room. Several green-shirted tired-looking sweaty men of various races sit down as an elderly man walks in and applauses by himself.)

Gorton: Great game boys, the team played well, we attacked with confidence and defended stoutly, and I think you will value that clean sheet Bobby?

Laredo: Yeah, I think the defence did well today.

Gorton: Even though it was just a friendly against an unknown side, I think we put in a great effort today.

Barry: Friendly? It's only a friendly?

Gorton: Don't worry Mark, your goal will still count in the records. And you guys still keep your caps.

Laredo: But...but...wasn't this a group match?

Gorton: Oh, you guys weren't informed? There has been a redraw. That match will only count as a friendly.

(Faces look down and glum.)

Gorton: Don't worry, we can take many positives from that match. If we can keep at this level, we should do well. Oh, and we've been awarded some racial diversity thing, so you can go celebrate later with these giant zucchinis from the Association.

(Gorton brings in a case of zucchinis.)

Gorton: OK, shower up and get some rest. I'll tell you guys when to report for international training again. Good game guys.

(Gorton leaves. BRK leans to Laredo, who is sitting beside him and whispers in his ear.)

BRK: I zink it iz a conspiracy.

Laredo: A conspiracy?

BRK: Ya, conspiracy. Ve get it all ze time in Rooshia. Zat's why I ran avay intoo ze forest. Zey vanted too kill me.

Laredo: Who wanted to kill you?

BRK: Ze goverment!

Laredo: But why?

BRK: Becozz it vas a conspiracy! I can see it in zeir eyes. Ze vay zey look at me. Zey suspect me. Ze rigged ze traffic light. It turned red, and all zese people ran me. Soldiers. Zat's vy I run away. Intoo ze forest. But ve digress. I zink it iz a conspiracy.

Laredo: What conspiracy?

BRK: Yoo see...Boss Gorton set up zis original group stages. He arrange it vith ze top level people. Leave out TnUI. Zen ve get a warm-up game. He smart fellow, Boss Gorton.

Laredo: But won't we get in trouble if anyone finds out?

BRK: No one vill find out. Zat's vy it's called a 'conspiracy'...

Editor 2: Oh come on, no one will believe that's BRK.

Editor 1: No, of course they'll believe it. I got the accent down pat. See, 'I zink it iz a conspiracy.' It's perfect!

Editor 2: Look, it looks like you just slapped some fellow on with a huge beard.

Editor 1: HEY, that 'fellow' is ME OK...

Editor 2: Well, that explains it...Oh, and we haven't shown Boyer!

(Camera shows Boyer staring blankly into space.)

Editor 2: Ah, that takes care of that.

To be continued...

World Cup Preview
In association with Hellacious Huckleberry Gum


Has it really been a mere four years since HFA officials sat in that large room in Druida, or possibly Krytenia, and had deeply misguided images of the Hyppos qualifying for the World Cup? These dreams were shattered by the collective ineptitude of Hypocria’s finest footballers. But naturally it was the coach that took all the blame. Now with World Cup winning coach Dave Wilson in charge the nation will have another stab at qualifying.


So who are the nations standing in the way of Hypocria’s World Cup qualification glory?


Oaker (8)

The phrase “World Cup winning coach Dave Wilson” is destined to feature a lot in Hypocrian World Cup broadcasts and Oaker are partly responsible. It was in the final of World Cup 23, Wilson’s finest hour (or ninety minutes), when his Sarzonia side put four goals past the Sharks to become the top team in the world. It’s unlikely that his Hypocria side will do the same but we can always dream.

Chicanada (38)

Ah, Chicanada. Hypocria’s first ever opponents in a World Cup qualifier. On that day Guylain N’Dumbu-Nsungu’s side ran out surprise 2 – 0 winners. In fact the Hyppos are something of a bogey team for the Kodiaks having beaten them in a couple of U21 tournaments too and even in ice hockey’s Cherry Cup.

Nova Britannicus (20)

The Bluebirds made headlines during the last Finals when they qualified from the group stage at the expense of their Starblaydi masters. The other Atlantian side in the group are a tough team to beat. Rumour has it that this will be Nova Britannicus’ last tournament so they could well be looking to end on a high.

Jeruselem (23)

A familiar face from the last campaign. Strangely, while the Hyppos managed to lose to teams that don’t even exist anymore they still somehow took four points from Jeruselem which included a surprise win in the away fixture.

Alemeinia (?)

We know absolutely nothing about this side which probably means they’ll beat us. Twice.

Giant Zucchini (113)

A famous name in world football who had dropped off the radar in recent years. They’re back now and will be looking to reclaim some of their past glories which included actually lifting the trophy at World Cup III.

Hypocria (45)

The mighty Hyppos. A side that can’t win home matches, can’t beat lower ranked sides and specialise in mid table obscurity. After the embarrassments of the last campaign we’re no longer making predictions about our own chances.

San-Lorenzo (68)

Not a lot is known about San-Lorenzo but they did finish fourth in the Baptism of Fire tournament before World Cup XXIV so they’re no pushovers.

Kunar (193)

A recent participant in the Baptism of Fire. Unfortunately Kunar lost every game and only managed a single goal in the process. Ominously, four years ago Klakistany came into the qualifiers with an almost identical record and promptly won 2 – 0 at the Hyppodrome.

Jacobian Tribes (156)

Another BoF participant. The Tribes managed two wins from their four games but failed to qualify from the group stage. If we were making predictions we might say that the Hyppos should get at least four points from these two games but we're not so we won’t.


Fittingly enough Hypocria’s new campaign starts where the last campaign ended, an away fixture in Jeruselem. A repeat of that 1 – 0 win would be very nice indeed.

Total n Utter Insanity - a nation that older Holy Empire citizens will fondly remember from early tournaments

Oaker
Yes, always here and always competitive. Don't write them off although they aren't quite in the class of Sarzonia and TnUI yet.

TnUI will not put up with insults from foreign governments unless they are done in a humourous way and there is nothing humourous about saying we are like Sarzonia or are fondly remembered. We demand both nations withdraw these comments and apologize immediately.

Minister for demanding apologies from foreign newspapers, paperclips and chewing tobacco

"Mr. President, do you have any further comments about the Union of World Powers situation?"

"Once again, Candy, I refer you to my previous comments about that situation. I will answer no further questions about that issue. Next question."

"Mr. President, do you have any comments about the government in Total 'n Utter Insanity and their statement about Sarzonian football?"

"We take anything that collection of moronic rabble have to say with a planet of salt," Sarzo said. "If I recall correctly, the Incorporated Football Federation protested their handing of the Under 21 World Cup. I don't see any reason to glorify their comments with any kind of response. Next question?"

"Mr. President, can you comment on the rumoured establishment of the Home Guard Vice Presidency?"

"I'll address that fully once we have made the final arrangements. It's still too early at this stage to comment on a framework that isn't completely in place."

"Mr. President, any comments on the offers by several nations to host the matches against Euroslavia?"

"Personally, I don't like the fact that we've reached a point in Euroslav-Sarzonian relations that the IFF is asking to have both matches played on neutral grounds. I thought the old Iron Bowl was a good, workable solution to the political problem. Though I would have been willing to call the Woodstock City Militia in to ensure that the Euroslavian football team was not harmed."

"Mr. President, is there any chance that relations will improve again with Euroslavia?"

"That question is best answered by Lady Destra. As far as I'm concerned, the ball's in her court."

"Mr. President, I'm sure Lady Destra would say the ball was in your court. You ordered the recall of the Sarzonian embassy staff, you chose to cut losses. How do you justify saying it's her decision if relations are going to improve?"

"Next question."

"Mr. President!"

"I said next question," Sarzo growled.

"Answer this one first!"

"All right, this press conference is over," Sarzo said, piercing the air with a scowl and abruptly turning and walking away from the podium to the droning of "Mr. President!" The next sound to dominate the Press Room was the slam of a door.

It wasnt all that bad, the Tigers had taken a really bad start and they had to go up against the current world Champions. This draw actually proved to be much better than the previous one. The Sadirov brothers were optimistic about their chances this time.
'Gentlemen, what is your first impression of group one?'

'Well' Bahrom started 'With this draw everything is possible, we actually have a good chance of beating the highest ranked team in this group; Starblaydia. At the Draw, Di Bradini seemed very happy to get us in their group and not Lovisa. I'll do my very best to convince him that he feared the wrong team.'

'You do not fear them as former world Champions?'

'Dont get me wrong, any team that can win a World Cup deserves respect but if you respect them to much, look up to them to much, you have already lost. They are human players just like us and they can be beaten. The same goes for Vilita! We beat Bedistan several years ago, a highly experienced team that, according to most 'experts', would walk over us.'

'Group one is Easy?

'I didnt say that, even a team like Metfield could take points from us if we dont watch out. I am saying; We can beat them all and we'll go for the first place.'

'Is that your prediction for these qualifications? First?'

'Second or Third, thats what I predict, together with Starblaydia and Vilita. As usual our defences will fail at some point and we'll be forced to persue Starblaydia.'

'What with the others in this group? Lethislavania seems to show up quite often in our qualifications'

Two wins, a draw and a loss, but in the meantime we've improved and they sunk away on the KPB rankings. Maybe they are what we were for Bedistan.'
'The Six other teams are unknown to me, the name Kericia does ring a bell though. I've looked into their history already, 17 points in 14 matches in WC24. They were ranked 52nd then. Our ranking is our main advantage, The are the favorites but we'll be going up against them on hostile territory. I know we can win, I want to win, but we'll have to fight for it. Its what we've been doing for years.'

Fixtures:
MD1: Kericia - Tadjikistan
MD2: Tadjikistan - Metfield
MD3: Rordia - Tadjikistan
MD4: Lethislavania - Tadjikistan
MD5: Tadjikistan - Dauna Hills
MD6: Vilita - Tadjikistan
MD7: Tadjikistan - Kudlastan
MD8: Starblaydia - Tadjikistan
MD9: Tadjikistan - Da Philelfya Empiya
MD10: Tadjikistan - Kericia
MD11: Metfield - Tadjikistan
MD12: Tadjikistan - Rordia
MD13: Tadjikistan - Lethislavania
MD14: Dauna Hills - Tadjikistan
MD15: Tadjikistan - Vilita
MD16: Kudlastan - Tadjikistan
MD17: Tadjikistan - Starblaydia
MD18: Da Philelfya Empiya - Tadjikistan

'Well' Bahrom started 'With this draw everything is possible, we actually have a good chance of beating the highest ranked team in this group; Starblaydia. At the Draw, Di Bradini seemed very happy to get us in their group and not Lovisa. I'll do my very best to convince him that he feared the wrong team.'

'You do not fear them as former world Champions?'

LGP: "Bill? You heard this?"

BP: "Uhuh."

LGP: "Starblaydia? Former World Champions? When did that happen?"

BP: "No idea. Although I did go to see a psychic after I heard it, and they said that they might do it in World Cup 29."

LGP: "But it's only World Cup 25."

BP: "Yeah, well. Psychics said that NEWI Cefn Druids would win World Cup 42, and we all know how stupid that sounds now, don't we?"

LGP: "Suppose. Do you think we should tell the Tadjiks that it hasn't happened yet?"

BP: "Nah. I think it's kinda funny that they can't get their modern sporting history right!"

LGP: "Heh. Well, my flight home leaves in a few hours time, I'll be home tomorrow, and Eric Tree's doing the Fmjphoenix game, so I'll be in at the office. How's all your stuff going?"

BP: "Fine. Given the President some policy ideas, told him to mail me back his thoughts. Just waiting to see if he does the obvious thing."

LGP: "That being?"

BP: "Sending a virus. Any fool would be expecting it. But when your one step ahead, sometimes the ones trying to catch you up will take even the most pathetic efforts to gain it back."

LGP: "I guess so. But why are you one step ahead? They wouldn't let you into that room. They know what you're up to!"

BP: "Trust me, Liam. I am most definately one step ahead..."

The daily budget meeting of the Woodstock Daily Mail sports staff was progressing uneventfully; the usual two page spread of Stars coverage, from match reports, team notebook, analysis and commentary would do quite nicely for the paper's coverage of World Cup XXV. A player profile of Stars players would also be part of the coverage, especially when the match story was longer than usual.

"Anything else we ought to cover besides usual home side sports," Sports Editor Raul Bernal asked the staff. "I mean, we've got a solid 10 pages of content most days, but we've been asked to add two more pages and ad copy can only cover so much space."

"I don't know, how about match summaries from Group 5?"

"Wire services can cover that, along with other matches in the qualifying stages. We'll run capsules of the World Cup Finals if we get in. Other than that, we've still got space we need to cover."

"What about other teams?"

"What other teams?"

"Starblaydia?"

"Those slani fools? No thanks. They're a bunch of dumbass dwarves and if I see Cherry Garcia in another add I'm going to throw the freezer at my screen."

"Druida?"

"Besides the obvious gay overtones of Rainbows, no thanks."

"Hypocria? After all, Dave Wilson's their coach."

The suggestion came from Stephen Adam Brown, a unpaid stringer who was just finishing up A levels, but Bernal's eyes lit up.

"Great idea Adam!" Bernal called him Adam because his cousin Steve was named Stephen Noah Brown. Besides, the families called both children by their respective middle names to avoid confusing which Steve they were talking to. "We'll do a profile of Dave Wilson and we'll run stories on the Hyppos."

"But they're not Sarzonian? Surely our audience won't be interested in too much coverage?"

"We've been getting some letters forward to us from Editorial. There's definitely interest in the Hyppos. They've become sort of the second team for Sarzonian supporters. I think Editorial wouldn't mind if we included good, solid coverage of the Hyppos. Besides, we can use agate type for World Cup standings and statistics like normal."

Bernal rubbed his hands and smiled at Adam. "And you've just earned yourself a paid position as soon as you're done at uni, unless Portland Iron Works comes calling first."

'Dont get me wrong... They [Starblaydia] are human players just like us and they can be beaten.'

"Ah resent that, Laddie!"

Ignoring the fact that the Tadjikistani thought that Starblaydia had been World Champions already, Zhorin Tumunzahar (http://ns.goobergunch.net/wiki/index.php/Zhorin_Tumunzahar) was not a happy bunny at that comment - or, more precisely: not a happy Dwarf. Starblaydia's current Number-One Striker and Marine Coast United player in the Vilitan Stellar Division, renowned as Starblaydia's best-ever Under-21 striker with 18 goals in 18 appearances in the Under-21 World Cup. Short, fat, beard, short-temper, axe-weilding: He's a Dwarf. Not the only Dwarf, too.

Danzir Garahildim (http://ns.goobergunch.net/wiki/index.php/Danzir_Garahildim) is the other, a trusty Right-Back who many compare to one of Starblaydia's former great Dwarves, Khim Azanulbizarn (http://ns.goobergunch.net/wiki/index.php/Khim_Azanulbizarn) - the current Under-21 Coach. Plus the keen-eyed sponge-brained readers amongst you will also be aware of Hurin Menegroth (http://ns.goobergunch.net/wiki/index.php/Hurin_Menegroth), another remotely-famous Dwarf.

So, all in all, this may mean that Tadjikistan feel that Starblaydia are unbeatable when they have Dwarves in their team - the all-Dwarf Rayzors Cherry Cup team may have something to do with that too. But, if a high percentage of Dwarves in the Cockbill Street national football team are anything to go by, Non-humans doesn't equal invincibility, unfortunately.


Note:
As for Football Championships, Starblaydia are Current and Four-Time Atlantian Oceania Cup of Association Football (AOCAF) Champions, one-time Under-21 World Cup Champions as well as holding the current NationStates Champions' League with their most famous club, Iskara Daii. Not to mention being the Current and Four-Time Cherry Cup Champions in Ice Hockey, plus a haul of gold Medals at the abandoned Kaza '08 Olympics, mostly in Rowing.

Group 7:
The Weegies
Spruitland
Trebnak
Nanakaland
Athestan
Lovisa
Bedistan
Kipto-Mare
Cuation
Demonlord12

Mike: And after that seemingly interminable commercial break, we're back. All right, Isaac, time to do your thing. Let's analyze these teams in the order in which we'll be facing them. We'll start off playing Nanakaland on the road. Your thoughts?

Isaac: Nanakaland is one of those mid-range sides, nothing spectacular, but not completely shite either. After that weak 2-0 performance over Michael Sticklandttttt at home, the Lions might want to step it up a notch if they don't want to get held to a draw on matchday one.

Mike: No argument there. Next up is a home match against Athestan.

Isaac: Yet another -stan nation? Boy, they're a dime a dozen these days. But unless it's Bedistan or Tadjikistan, they're not even worth that five-sixths of a cent. Six points for us.

Mike: Familiar faces on matchday three, as we leave home again bound for Lovisa.

Isaac: Lovisa, always underestimated. We've got to be careful in the away match, but they still shouldn't be too troublesome back home at Fillmore.

Mike: After that comes the oddly-named nation of Demonlord12.

Isaac: Demonlord12? Well, I guess that makes sense, since surely Demonlords1 through 11 would be on the pitch. What that actually has to do with anything, I don't know. Eight points from these guys.

Mike: Eight?

Isaac: Well, if we were using the Rejistanian point system. I guess since we're doing it the old-fashioned way, we'll have to settle for six.

Mike: That really didn't have much to do with anything, but whatever. Matchday five gives us Kipto-Mare.

Isaac: Familiar name, yes, but they've been languishing in mediocrity forever. I know I sound like a broken record, but we're gonna be disappointed if we don't get six.

Mike: All right, next in line is an away match at Cuation.

Isaac: Cuation? Didn't they just win the Baptism of Fire thingy?

[b]Mike:[b] That they did.

Isaac: Then we should watch out. The BoF wasn't around back in the days of World Cup 10, of course, but we still don't want Cuation going all NMS on our ass.

Mike: All right, we're running low on time, so we should wrap this up. Next is the Weegies.

Isaac: Been around forever, never done much, but again not total shite. I'm thinking four points.

Mike: Spruitland.

Isaac: Craziest nation in AO with an okay football team.

Mike: And finally Trebnak.

Isaac: Don't think they've played before, but aren't they in some kind of war or something with PopularFreedom? I need to do more research on that.

Mike: So there you have our new group. We'll take another commercial break. Coming up: why the Pedrian clubs got axed from the BFL, and a sneak preview of Bedistan's national baseball team.

Originally Posted by The Archregimancy
Total n Utter Insanity - a nation that older Holy Empire citizens will fondly remember from early tournaments


Originally Posted by Jeruselem
Oaker
Yes, always here and always competitive. Don't write them off although they aren't quite in the class of Sarzonia and TnUI yet.


TnUI will not put up with insults from foreign governments unless they are done in a humourous way and there is nothing humourous about saying we are like Sarzonia or are fondly remembered. We demand both nations withdraw these comments and apologize immediately.

Minister for demanding apologies from foreign newspapers, paperclips and chewing tobacco

MONASTIC FOOTBALL ASSOCIATION PRESS RELEASE

The Holy Synod of the Archregimancy today called in a representative of Total n Utter Insanity through a portal to the Dreamed Realm in order to offer an unreserved apology for the inadvertent insult to Insanican dignity caused by Fr. Polycarp the Elder's assessment of the Insanican national team. "We only meant to say" claimed Coach Kyrill, Metropolitan of Solovetsky "that many older citizens of the Archregimancy, who were then living in Alasdair I Frosticus and therefore remember the days of World Cups Two and Three, have fond memories of TnUI's important role in advancing the cause of the tournament in those early years of its development"

Before the TnUI representative was sent packing back through the portal, Coach Kyrill handed him a Holy Icon of All the Fools for Christ, patted his head, pulled on his cheeks, and called him a 'cheeky little monkey'.

Kent Defects But Street Still Prevail
Game Still Annulled

Cockbill Street won 3-0 in their friendly game with System Karela, but the team's defensive balance was shattered when Orson Kent, Hetkali Divensi left back, announced his decision to switch allegiances during the half-time break. Kent stated that he did no longer want to "play for a country whose goals with sehkika so utterly confronts my own goals - or lack of goals." This created a special situation in the second half, as the teams were effectively playing 10 on 12 - Kent could not be sent off, as he was listed as a Streetian player, but to all intents and purposes he played like a Karelan (with all its implications). Kent will now have to wait for a Karelan citizenship to play international football again, although he claims "no sehkika is better than takilan sehkika."

Kent has been banned from football in Cockbill Street for three years following his erratic behaviour, but as he has "no intention of returning to that slani takilan country anyway". The Streetian World Cup team, announced after the friendly, naturally did not include Kent, but manager Christine Andrews insists that "it really doesn't matter because the idiot insisted on everyone else calling to him in Rejistanian and did not want to move anywhere outside of two feet from the goal."

In other news, the World Cup 25 groups have been revealed, and everyone (well, everyone who weren't at the cricket), shuddered at the prospect of playing Commerce Heights, Praying2God, Raptor Claw and Alasdair I Frosticus. Unfortunately, the recent apathy to football has meant that no one has really noticed that the Street have got their easiest group yet, since four teams have got big names in the footballing community. The good news is, we've got three home matches in the last four, so if the Street are struggling initially the home crowd (small as it may be), may help to lift the team back into World Cup contention. And just for confirmation - the top three go through, so it really is dead simple.

Schedule:

Matchday 1: Bipedal Apes (29) @ Vimesbairn National

Cockbill Street have met the Apes before, actually, as incredible as it may seem. After two goals from Olivia Peterson, the Street beat Bipedal Apes 3-1 in World Cup 24, so the fear of their errant and occasionally off-the-rocker manager Ms. Throckspartle will not be at a high level. With an attacking style from both sides, expect plenty of goals, and cricket fans might want to spare themselves the boredom of yet another high-scoring draw at the VCG to go over here instead.

Matchday 2: Raptor Claw (47) @ some place with dinos

Raptor Claw. Big, big dinos. Oh, and we hosted a Cup of Harmony with them once. That's about it.

Matchday 3: Casari (43) @ Jotneheim Park

A team ranked in the 40s, with some experience from World Cup 24. They don't have a single player with the number 1, however they have players with shirt numbers such as 57, 68 and 98, thus showing a complete disdain for football conventions. At least they got 4-3-3 right, however.

Matchday 4: Commerce Heights (21) @ Capitalizm, Yu-po

Well, if the team manages to mess up against Casari, here's another banana potential. Commerce Heights are the strongest team in the group, apart from Cockbill Street *pinches arm, hard* Sorry, couldn't believe what I just wrote. Anyway, an away match in Commerce Heights will be hard, especially to ignore the 6 % of the population who can actually afford a football ticket and is, in fact, stinking rich.

Matchday 5: Corruptomania (193) @ Roegrow Grass Patch

Because the Grass Patch needs some love. Expect 6-0, we don't know anything about these guys but our parallel-dimension senses tell us they're equivalent to Tuvalu on the world scale.

Matchday 6: Revolutionarian Island (134) @ K'haz'bak K'druz'ba D'gazh'dukh

Another push-over.

Matchday 7: Michael Stricklandttttt (156) away

Yes, five ts. Someone must have pushed the buttons on the old graphomachin a bit too hard.

Matchday 8: Praying2God (67) @ Vimesbairn Cricket Ground

That's right - CSCT are playing away, so we snitch their ground. It's only fair. The crowd probably won't notice, apart from the fact that the stumps are a bit bigger and a bit further apart, and that middle stump moves. And that they don't actually try to hit the stumps, and that obstructing the field is not reason to be given out.

Matchday 9: Alasdair I Frosticus (200-odd) away

They haven't been around for ages, but they're probably good, so we'll give them the benefit of the doubt.

Deep in the evil bowels of the CSA

General Manager Hill sat pouring over various technical manuals, surrounded by tapes. "It has to be here somewhere..." She muttered. Behind her, a TV on a pushcart hissed with static in front of a whiteboard of a pitch, covered with arrows, dots, and a stickfigure of Alan Shearer in a pool of blood with a leg broken off.

One of the interns carefully ducked his head inside. "Coach? That pizza you-" he said, before pulling his head back as the phone smashed against the door. Muttering, he set the pizza on the table closest to the door and left. She was crazy.

Sighing, Coach Hill opened the box and started eating. Ever since she drew that 0-0 tie in the Ashford Junior Leagues when she was 9, it was the bane of ehr existance. As she grew up, she joined the high-scoring West Baronies FC, only to be stopped by teams from Tyrellia playing it. And now, it threatened the Chances of Casari, built for the top qualities of Casaran soccer- versatility, speed, scoring, and a defense that relies on 3 or 4 people and scores anywhere from 2-0 to 19-4.

Suddenly, she stopped eating and walked over to the bored. Erasing everything but Alan Shearer, quickly she began making diagrams. Turning, she picked the phone up off the floor and started dialing. If she had it right, she might even get a book deal out of this.

The next morning, 20 tired Casaran internationals walked in to see the disheveled mess of a upper-level planning meeting and an old, battered laser printer coughing out sheet after sheet of paper, their coach working a three hole punch and placing thick stacks of paper into three-ring-binders. Startled, she looked up. "What are you doing here?"

"Well... it's Eight in the morning. We were supposed to report. What the hell happened?"

"I figured out how we are going to take apart the very thing which has been the bane of Soccer for as long as I can remember."

"And what would that be, Coach?"

"System Karela."

The players looked at each other, rolling their eyes. "You really think that you came up with some magical plan to defeat all the Karelans?"

"Not just them. Anyone with more than 4 defenders is going to be crushed by this plan." She said, looking at the plans quickly coming out of the printer with just a slight hint of madness. Clearly, just breaking even in qualification was going to be a challenge now. "Go practice. I need to finish printing these."

Bipedal Times
Trans-border newspaper of the RBA

Tergorsk prepares Two-Footers for Cockbill Street

by Bonga

Bananaton-- With Ms. Throckspartle laid up in hospital with moderately exploded skull, Tergorsk assumed duties as coach of Bipedaleen national side yesterday and immediately began working to repair shattered team spirit. First on bill, she appointed Glibbletee, assistant manager of Federated Banana Mills side in RBA Premiere League, as teamwork coach.

Though Ms. Throckspartle won Manager of Year Award in RBAPL last season for strong finish, taking Local 1033 Banana Pickers’ Union from crappy start to second place, Tergorsk’s FBM side has won past two championships. Players may miss getting head regularly smacked by beloved coach, but signs at first practice point to improved coherence of play.

Two-Footers leave for Cockbill Street next week for rematch with side that beat them in first game of World Cup finals four years ago. Expectations run high for strong showing by apes as they have moved into top thirty in world rankings. Top sides in qualifying group are Streeters and Commerce Heights, with RBA generally expected to finish near top.

World Cup 25 Qualifying schedule and announced venues:

Cockbill Street v. RBA, Vimesbairn National
RBA v. Revolutionarian Island, Throck Sisters’ Field, Bananapolis
Michael Stricklandttttt v. RBA (venue TBA)
RBA v. Praying2God, Bipedaleen Stadium, Bipedaleen University, Bananaton
Alasdair I Frosticus v. RBA (venue uncertain)
Corruptomania v. RBA (venue TBA)
RBA v. Raptor Claw, Consolidated Federated Weavers Field, Bananapolis
Casari v. RBA (venue TBA)
RBA v. Commerce Heights, Federated Banana Arena, Bananaton
RBA v. Cockbill Street, Strip-Mine Field, Dirk
Revolutionarian Island v. RBA (venue TBA)
RBA v. Michael Stricklandttttt, Consolidated Accountancy and Financialistic Field, Bananaville
Praying2God v. RBA (venue TBA)
RBA v. Alasdair I Frosticus, Bejeezus Memorial Field, Apleton
RBA v. Corruptomania, Federated Field, Bananaton
Raptor Claw v. RBA (venue TBA)
RBA v. Casari, Banana Lake Arena, Banana lake City
Commerce Heights v. RBA, Ronald Reagan Memorial Field, Cambridge, LT

False Alarm, Redraw Now Complete
A Redraw After the Accidental Exclusion of TnUI puts Squornshelan in Group 2


MD1 & 10: The Macabees v Squornshelous
The Macabees have played pretty well, but they're not up to this level. 6 points for the Pschychoes.

MD2 & 11: Squornshelous v Rejistania
Meeting in qualifying for the first time since World Cup 9, where Squornshelous qualified over Rejistania, these teams will likely play two of the most closely fought matches in Group 2 featuring the 11th and 2nd ranked teams. Although it will probably be close, exciting may not be a good word for it, as Rejistania's Karelan style will likely keep the scoring low and the ball in midfield for much of the match. Our last meeting was in the World Cup 20 Third Place match, which Squornshelous won 2-1.

MD3 & 12: Adrasuvare v Squornshelous
Unknown Team

MD4 & 13: The Solar Association v Squornshelous
Unknown Team

MD5 & 14: Squornshelous v Brazillico
Former football superpowers Brazllico have met with Squornshelous twice before, and the series is even with a win apiece. Brazillico beat Squornshelous in the second round on their way to winning World Cup 6, and The Pschychoes were victorious in the first round, going on to place second in World Cup 15. Keep an eye on the team that comes out of these two matches victorious, as they have gone far in the past.

MD6 & 15: Svecia v Squornshelous
It used to seem that Svecia and Squornshelous met every few World Cups, playing in WC's 5, 7, 9 but then not meeting again until World Cup 21. It should be an interesting match, as both teams have stayed at roughly the same level of play throughout their history, and are still top level sides.

MD7 & 16: Squornshelous v The Archregimancy
The Archregimancy look to have plenty of potential to build into a solid top 20 team, but they aren't there yet, and these two should also go Squornshelous' way.

MD8 & 17: Pastorville v Squornshelous
Unknown Team

MD9 & 18: Squornshelous v The Lowland Clans
These teams have met seveal times, and TLC has amassed a good bit of history, but the Pschychoes are still the better team here, and should take both matches.

Scores. This time for real. (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showthread.php?p=9852972#post9852972)

Jeruselem Government News

JGN respond to TnUI outrage

TnUI outrage at our last World Cup article is confusing. Both TnUI and Sarzonia are hot tips for winning the World Cup every year recently and in that respect, you can put both teams in a class above the chasing pack. Oaker while ranked 8th are good team but probably don't have the reputation of the TnUI and Sarzonia yet.

If TnUI don't like Sarzonia, it's not our problem. They beat us in the 2nd round of World Cup 24, but we aren't complaining as they did make the final. TnUI should settle it's issues with Sarzonia on the football field.

Now for some serious news. Yes, a legit match day 1.

In the biggest game of the round, Jeruselem played Hypocria who always seem to give is a little trouble. In the end no one won, but everyone went home with 1 point after a 1 ALL draw. Last World Cup, Hypocria did trouble us and today was no exception.

Oaker and Chicanada got their first points with good all round wins. Jacobian Tribes lost to Oaker who won 2-0 while Chicada belted Kunar 3-0. Nova Britannicus continued their great form as well with a win over San-Lorenzo 3-0. Giant Zucchini took on unknown Alemeinia and LOST. Poor veges need to get into form losing 0-1.

So all in all, pretty predictable wins for all concerned while Hypocria are showing their form is starting up now.

GROUP 4
Oaker 2 Jacobian Tribes 0
Chicada 3 Kunar 0
Nova Britannicus 3 San-Lorenzo 0
Jeruselem 1 Hypocria 1
Alemeinia 1 Giant Zucchini 0

The Daily Druid

MIDFIELD BEATS ATTACK!
Eric Tree on Fmjphoenix 1 Druida 3

As if you ever needed it! Conclusive proof that having clout in midfield beats emmense power in attack! Yes, one of the prime system takil teams in the world, overcome by Elastic Edwards' new system hisisim.

Of course, karelans have told us all along that attack never works, and that defence will prevail, but we're not so sure. The real evidence of this will be when Druida travel to System Karela on matchday three and give them a good thumping!

Elastic Edwards was already convinced by how good his system would be, even after an unconvincing one-all competitive friendly draw with New Montreal States at The Hole. Now, the side seems to be learning their roles, or indeed lack of them, a little better. Their decision making has improved ten-fold. And, in Ricky Mallon, they have one of the most experienced international captains ever.

Mallon was instrumental in everyting the rainbows did, laying off the pass for Belmore's simple opener before applying the pressure onto an out of sorts Bobby Bash to cause him to slip up to let Belmore in for the second. Even after Mike Nolan brought the Vikings back into the game after a dodgy penalty decision against Richard Milk for handball, Mallon let in substitute (and, amazingly, debutant) Trevor Bent in for number three to seal a convincing win.

On this evidence, Druida could actually be a force to be reckoned with this cup. But then, every time we make a comment like that, it all goes wrong. On this form, we'll probably get a damn good thrashing off Limbogidlia at The Hole in our next game.

For now, though, enjoy it while it lasts!

Final score:
Fmjphoenix 1 [Nolan 66 (pen)]
Druida 3

[b]
Group 3 Pl W D L F A Pts GD
Liverpool England 1 1 0 0 5 0 3 +5
Druida 1 1 0 0 3 1 3 +2
Limbrogidlia 1 1 0 0 1 0 3 +1
System Karela 1 1 0 0 1 0 3 +1
Alan Shearer Heaven 1 0 1 0 1 1 1 0
Oglethorpia 1 0 1 0 1 1 1 0
Ariddia 1 0 0 1 0 1 0 -1
Milchama 1 0 0 1 0 1 0 -1
Fmjphoenix 1 0 0 1 1 3 0 -2
Israel4Ever 1 0 0 1 0 5 0 -5

Casari4sport

Casari Loses 4-1
What a joke

The hideous spiral of WC25 continues, with Casari losing 4-1 to a team without a single KPB point to it's name.

"This loss is pathetic to the point where we should all be fired." Striker Ronalo said, the only Casaran to score a goal on the other team. As the horror slowly becomes apparent to more and more Casarans, the Center for Workplace Studies is noting that a higher and higher number of sick days and workplace absences are being recorded, possibly leading to the high for the year.

"To be honest, we're too destroyed to post anything. And we place the blame fully, totally, and without question, on the organizers."

Trevor Crenshaw was looking up at the scoreboard whilst forward Brian Wilson was being tended to just off the sidelines. The injury break gave the new Sarzonian national team captain time to survey the scene and he didn't like what he saw.

Even though goalkeeper Horace Sandt made five saves to that point and looked every bit the elite goalkeeper who led the Stars to two of the last three World Cup championship finals matches, the offence was out of sync. Now the cornerstone of many a Stars attack was prone on the ground, writhing in pain from an aggressive tackle by a Jon Parkin defender who didn't even draw a caution for the brutal hit.

Crenshaw took the moment to gather his mates at the midfield circle. He looked into the eyes of several players, including veteran backline partner Mike Coyle and Brian's strike partner Kenny Cooper and he didn't like what he saw.

"Guys, look, we've still got a chance to win the match," he yelled. "If I have to score the goal myself, we only need to get one past their keeper to get the full three points." The comment from a defensive-minded defender made the jittery teammates crack up. Trevor Crenshaw scoring a goal was about as likely in the minds of most of the Stars players as Marshall Crenshaw scoring for Sarzonia.

But as action resumed with Kevin Wilson subbing for his older brother, the younger Wilson won the ball at midfield with a darting run that surprised the Jon Parkin playmaking midfielder and sent a wall pass to the Sarzonian captain. The ball was a bit higher than Crenshaw wanted, but he leapt and nodded the ball down. To his surprise, and to that of nearly everyone in the stadium, the ball bounced past the goalkeeper into the net! All of a sudden, with Crenshaw providing the fireworks, the score was 0:1 to Sarzonia in the 87th minute.

Jon Parkin tried desperately to draw level after they had controlled the tempo and the run of play throughout the match against the world's number one ranked team, but their relative inexperience showed as the Stars thwarted several attempts to get the ball into the 18 yard box. With the referee's whistle following six minutes of injury time, the Stars celebrated the delayed start to World Cup XXV with a calm series of handshakes. They would find out later on that Brian Wilson simply suffered a cramp and was due to be subbed for anyway. But their memories of this match would be Crenshaw's challenge to his mates and his fulfilled promise to score.

SCORING
SARZONIA Crenshaw (K. Wilson) 87th.
Jon Parkin NONE.

"But I wasnt alone"

Controverse in the Tadjik camp as Bahrom Sadirov blunders during an interview with a journalist. Bahrom Sadirov said the Starblaydians had already won a World Cup while they have never even managed to reach the top three. Bahrom commented his own mistake :'My files got completely mixed up, I put them with the World Cup Winners and now it appears they arent all that good, they dont deserve all that respect. On the other hand, they shouldnt complain, we put them in the list of best teams of the world.'

Most interesting part of Bahrom defense was the word 'we', as Bahrom refused to be the black sheep; 'The reporter did not correct me so he's as much a fool as I am' -Bahrom Laughs- 'And that for someone who has to follow up on World Cup history. On the other hand, they were U-21 World Champions. So there's some truth in what we said.'

Bahrom also said the Starbaydians are 'human players just like us', about this he said: 'Dwarves are just short humans and what is so strange about a short human? Whenever in this country you call a small human 'dwarf', you get the whole media industry on your back.and Rezvon, who was present, added 'Atleast the Starblaydians think we called them unbeatable, It'll make them reckless and thats exactly what we want. Except Tumunhazar, Who has to split hairs, he's a short fatty with a beard and an axe and he's proud of it too. A crazy world we live in.'

Michael Frunze, President of the Tadjik National Football Federation defended his coach oin the whole debate by saying 'Nobody is perfect, Bahrom made a couple of mistakes and apologizes for that, but lets not waste too much time and words on this, I invite the Starblaydians, Humans and dwarves to take revenge on Matchday eight ... if they can.'

Mixed reactions to Ariddian performance

Ariddia’s first official match in World Cup 25 ended with frustration as the Rouge-et-Noirs were unable to score a single goal against System Karela. Which “isn’t bl**dy surprising, given the way they play,” disgruntled attacker E Lel was heard muttering during half-time.

Ariddia’s balanced play, attempting to enhance defence rather than rely solely on their predecessors’ traditionally attack-prone style, was not enough to secure even a much needed draw. “We really would have needed three points here,” team captain Ue Alt later admitted. “And we’ll be hoping to get them on the return leg, on Ariddian soil.”

System Karela opened the score in the eighteenth minute after a well played corner kick enabled an attacker to knock the ball past Leduc with his head. After that, Ariddia had to focus on equalising without conceding any further goals in the process. Midfielder André Delherbe, and attacker Ismail Faraj, brought in at the 71st and 79th minutes respectively, were unable to overthrow System Karela’s lead.

“We defended well, but they weren’t attacking all that hard,” Alt explained. “And their defences just seemed impenetrable.”

When Ariddian players did make it through for a shot on goal occasionally, the Karelan keeper proved an obstacle too many. However, his Ariddian counterpart Sandrine Leduc proved just as effective in saving a penalty kick, obtained after defender Jean Kitenge was yellow-carded for an unlawful tackle in the penalty area. And defender Yves al Jahdali proved his skill on several occasions.

“It wasn’t a bad performance,” was team coach Adam Seul’s assessment. “Our girls and boys played well. Nil-one is an honourable result against a team like System Karela, and our side showed promise.”

One Ariddian fan who attended the game, though, was not so optimistic.
“We’ll be facing opponents much more difficult than System Karela. We need to rack up points in matches like this one, and this isn’t a good start.”

One point of consensus, however, was that travelling to System Karela had proven a unique experience.

“It’s a strange, strange country,” Ue Alt said. “We’d never seen a place so full of football fans. It was heart-warming in a way, like a big party, but. . . weird.”

TnUI will not put up with insults from foreign governments unless they are done in a humourous way and there is nothing humourous about saying we are like Sarzonia or are fondly remembered. We demand both nations withdraw these comments and apologize immediately.

Minister for demanding apologies from foreign newspapers, paperclips and chewing tobacco
*a passing spectre (once known only as margaret) chuckles appreciatively*

Horrible opening game played by Canucks
First Jon Parkin, now THIS!

Hockey Canadian fans wasted their time heading to Spaam yesterday in the midst of a horrible draw that started a riot in the Spaam stadium. No one saw or really cared about what happened in the opening half when both teams ran to a 0-0 draw at halftime. Good defensive plays in the first half gave hope for Canuck fans that a goal would surely come. However, it wouldn't just be for them.

Hockey Canada's players on the other hand didn't look like they were ready to play. Looking tired and sleepy from the long flight to Spaam, the players looked sluggish in warmup and the opening minutes of the game. Sleepyness didn't stop them from their physical play though as players bodychecked and hit almost every Spaam player at any given chance. This caused a fair share of free kicks but wasn't anything keeper Kyle Thomas couldn't handle. Things looked grim in the 17th minute when Petr Srylanko took down a Spaam player down just inside the box. The Spaam player writhed in agony like a worm on the sidewalk before being carried off on a streatcher. A sub would come on the field to take the Penalty Kick.

The kick looked like it was horrible and it was a Thomas easily scooped up the bobbled ball and kicked it deep downfield where Hockey Canadian midfielders were pressing for a goal. Pressure and physical play did wear down the Spaam team but to no avail as karelan Hockey Canadian fans rejoiced to a 0-0 score at the half.

The streaker at half was for once not Hockey Canadian. Fat giggling like jell-o he ran before kicking the ball towards the Hockey Canadian net. The ball hit the crossbar coming closer than any Spaam player had gotten so far in the game.

The second half looked good for the Canucks as they came out strong. Ike Broflovski actually got the game going with a great goal on a rush beating 4 Spaam players. Nervous fans were on the edge of their seats and wiping brown stuff out when he went in on the Spaam keeper. Putting a quick little tap of the ball above the keeper was enough to get it by as Broflovski slamemd the ball high into the net lifting the spirits of Hockey Canadian fans alogn with the ball.

The Canucks seemed to gain confidence from Broflovski's goal when they started body-checking more and more Spaam players injuring quite a few. They softened them down to a near pulp until the 3rd minute of injury time when a Spaam player broke loose on Thomas one-on-one. The player made a move on Thomas right before the two collided roughly. Thomas was obviously uninjured but the Spaam player went down. The ball however seemed to roll in slowly with the hopes of Spaam fans pushing it in as the score was notched 1-1.

Hockey Canada now has to play Total n Utter Insanity- who barely mustered a win on Matchday One. Will Hockey canada pull out the victory or draw? Or will the Canucks be frozen at home?

MD1: Hockey Canada 1 - 1 Spaam
MD2: Total n Utter Insanity @ Hockey Canada (Globen Arena-Stadium)
MD3: Hockey Canada @ Eauz
MD4: Da WhoseLine People @ Hockey Canada (Globen Arena-Stadium)
MD5: Hockey Canada @ Adam Island
MD6: Yafor 2 @ Hockey Canada (Globen Arena-Stadium)
MD7: Hockey Canada @ Andossa Se Mitrin Vega
MD8: Hockey Canada @ RyukyuDaitoKazanNampo
MD9: Nedalia @ Hockey Canada (Globen Arena-Stadium)
MD10: Spaam @ Hockey Canada (Irkutsk)
MD11: Hockey Canada @ Total n Utter Insanity
MD12: Eauz @ Hockey Canada (Irkutsk)
MD13: Hockey Canada @ Da WhoseLine People
MD14: Adam Island @ Hockey Canada (Anadyr)
MD15: Hockey Canada @ Yafor 2
MD16: Andossa Se Mitrin Vega @ Hockey Canada (Globen Arena-Stadium)
MD17: RyukyuDaitoKazanNampo @ Hockey Canada (Anadyr)
MD18: Hockey Canada @ Nedalia[/QUOTE]

Group 5
Jon Parkin
Five Civilized Nations
Euroslavia
Spookyville
Bakostrovia
Kylaai
PopularFreedom
Crystilakere
Ruventsoria
Sarzonia

Euroslavia-Sarzonia Matches; Unnecessary Tension?

With the recent political freeze on relations between Euroslavia and Sarzonia, the prospect of the matches between both teams pushed Sarzonia to want the matches hosted elsewhere, other than in either nation. A neutral party is being sought out to host these matches. The recent actions within the Union of World Powers, namely the acceptance of Azazia into the alliance caused Sarzonia to withdraw from the alliance. Political tensions between each nations have reached their height, with these former allies at each others throats' hypothetically.

Currently, Liverpool England has offered to host the match, but no further comment has been made by the Titans' head coach, or Lady Destra nos Thiendrel, leader of Euroslavia. The situation between Sarzonia and Euroslavia seems to continuously spiral downwards, with no bottom in site.

Euroslavia Falls in First Match

In it's first match after the re-draw, the Euroslavia Titans fell to Crystilakere 0-3. After the team was utterly shut out, plans have been drawn out to improve its offense. Crystilakere is known as one of the best teams in the World Cup; therefore, if the Titans would have fared better in the offensive side of things, then maybe things would be different, but that isn't the case.

"We're going to focus more on the offensive drills that I've drawn up, as well as a few new ones that we've all discussed after the game. This seems to be one of our biggest weaknesses at this point. If we don't fix it early in the Cup, we can't expect our offense to give us the boost that we need if our defense keeps up against our opponent."

In the last World Cup, the Titans, which were then named the "Chromas" (since changed before this seasons' Cup), finished dead last in their Group. The only way from there is up, and one can only hope that the Titans won't become comfortable with the place. First place is very unlikely; however, the team is expected to finish in the middle of the pack within Group 5. Improvements can continue from there, and Euroslavia can become a competitive team within the World Cup.


Euroslavia Titan Schedule
MD1: Home Match: Euroslavia 0 Crystilakere 3
MD2: Away Match: Ruventsoria v Euroslavia
MD3: Home Match: Euroslavia v Jon Parkin
MD4: Away Match: Five Civilized Nations v Euroslavia
MD5: Euroslavia v Sarzonia *
MD6: Home Match: Euroslavia v Spookyville
MD7: Away Match: Bakostrovia v Euroslavia
MD8: Home Match: Euroslavia v Kylaai
MD9: Away Match: PopularFreedom v Euroslavia
MD10: Away Match: Crystilakere v Euroslavia
MD11: Home Match: Euroslavia v Ruventsoria
MD12: Away Match: Jon Parkin v Euroslavia
MD13: Home Match: Euroslavia v Five Civilized Nations
MD14: Sarzonia v Euroslavia*
MD15: Away Match: Spookyville v Euroslavia
MD16: Home Match: Euroslavia v Bakostrovia
MD17: Away Match: Kylaai v Euroslavia
MD18: Home Match: Euroslavia v PopularFreedom

* Match location contested

GROUP 5
Jon Parkin 0 Sarzonia 1 ~ This match was almost a given. Sarzonia was the obvious favorite to win this match, seeing as their team is one of the best in the game.
Five Civilized Nations 4 Ruventsoria 1 ~ Five Civilized Nations has an improved team, and easily defeated Ruventsoria in this match. Another expected outcome.
Euroslavia 0 Crystilakere 3 ~ Despite all of the training in the off-season, this outcome was expected, with the Titans' opponents having one of the best teams in this years' Cup.
Spookyville 1 PopularFreedom 2 ~ Not much is known about either of these teams, so sports critics expected the match to go either way.
Bakostrovia 3 Kylaai 0 ~ Critics in Euroslavia were shocked at this outcome. Kylaai was expected to win the match; however, the outcome has proven the majority of them wrong. Bakostrovia is currently the team to watch in the Group.

Conures Crush Crendonia in Opening Match

Hurfordia put behind them the confusion over the re-draw of the cup, and got themselves off to a flying start with a 3-0 win over newcomers Crendonia.

The Conures started slowly and took a long time to settle, as they so often do in the big matches. Indeed, Crendonia looked much the better side in the first 20 minutes, having a number of decent shots. Only a last ditch tackle by Wells prevented one score, while Sedley had his work cut out on several occasions.

Unfortunately, Crendonia seemes to run out of steam a little in the second half, and the Conures began to play their natural game. The first goal came, inevitably, from Cornelius Sulla, who hits a stinging shot from the edge of the box, which rattled in off the foot of the post. Sulla, who has announdced that he will be retiring from football at the end of the World Cup in order to stand for election to the Italican County Assembly, will no doubt continue his great form from the last cup.

Hurfordia left it late to put the gloss on their victory, but it came courtesy of a quick-fire brace from Sargeant. The first came courtesy of a defensive error, as a mix-up between goalkeeper and centre back over a back pass left both of the stranded. Sargeant nipped in between them and flicked the ball into the bottom right hand corner. Within two minutes, he had his second, this time after a clever one-two pass with Cato, making his debut as a substitutes, which left him in the clear. His emphatic drive left the keeper grasping air, and his team-mates celebrating.

A positive start for the Conures, which will hopefully set them up for a good run in the tournament. The only real downer was the injury to James Holsworthy, who limped off midway through the first half and may miss the next match.


Teams
Sedley; Robson, Woods, Hopkins (Bristowe 75'), Wells; Wotton (Capaldi 89'), Denning, La Salle, Sulla; Holsworthy (Cato 34'), Sargeant.

Scorers: Sulla 55', Sargeant 78', 80'

They started it!

Jeruselem citizens have 48 hours to leave TnUI as a nation wide ban has been enacted because of Jeruselems lack of apology for comparing TnUI to the inbred Sarzonians. What will this mean for the Jeruselem Under 21s?

"Oh, they're screwed."

Guy Varrenes: Jimmy, when will you change your last name?

Jimmy Youth: It's done. My last name will be officially changed as of tomorrow. So, I'll be called Jimmy Lejeune.

GV: Wow! Was about time

JY: Anyway, Oliverry won today against Elrich. Only 1-0 though.

GV: Anyway, we won. That's the important thing. And, in Elrich. That's a good thing

JY: Yeah... it is... Anyway, should we go see the feedbacks on the net?

GV: Yeah! Btw, did I tell you who I slept with last night?

JY: No... With who?

GV: With... Margaret

JY: *has eyes wide-open*

GV: That might be the reason why we won today. She was proposing me to sleep with her so that we can win. I think it worked!

JY: Yeah! Luck was on our side. Anyway, do you want to see internet feedbacks? Let's hope you changed your home page...

GV: err... Yes, I did

JY: Ok, so, where do I have to click?

GV: Don't you remember? I use the FireFrog browser. Just click on the icon

JY: Ok, I clicked, and you DIDN'T change your home page. Are you having wet dreams while seeing these?

GV: Err... Can you ask another question?

JY: No, I want to know...

GV: Why? You're gay?

JY: No... Just wondering

GV: Well... (answer prohibited by the RP-censorship council: This RP is rated 13+, not 18+)

JY: *has wide-open eyes*

GV: Anyway, let's go on the OSA's website... WHAT????? The website has been hacked by... the Hockey Canadian vice-prime minister? I think the prime hates me now... That slanis... *cries*

JY: Doesn't matter, we have hotter chicks in Oliverry. People in Hockey Canada are frigid, we all know this.

GV: Yeah... it might be true...

JY: IT IS true. Don't worry about her, she is too selective and has a headache right now.

GV: ok then... I'll have to excuse me, that's what you mean?

JY: Yeah, it's not fine to put drugs in her water-flavoured beer bottle...

GV: That's what I'll do then...

ISG dragged into football realm

WOODSTOCK (ASP) -- As if the decline in relations between Sarzonia and its former allies in the Union of World Powers wasn't enough. Following a series of "unfortunate events," the Incorporated Sarzonian Government has stepped out of its usual role of playing political football into answering questions about the real sport.

President Mike Sarzo called a special news conference to deal specifically with matters related to football and the political implications of the World Cup proper.

"I really wish I didn't have to stand here and say anything more than 'go Stars'," Sarzo said. "But with the media reports from Euroslavia and the government of Total 'n Utter Insanity's insults of us as 'inbreds,' I couldn't stand on the sidelines any longer."

Sarzo said the request by the Incorporated Football Federation to play both matches of the Euroslavia derby was "a final symptom of a regrettable set of circumstances," and he said he "really wish this didn't have to happen." However, "we can't guarantee the safety of the Euroslavians in Woodstock. That's what it all boils down to." He also said government travel restrictions to Euroslavia could have been lifted if the World Cup Committee requested it.

"We've been given a rough draw," Sarzo said. "We're going to have to live with the fact that we have to play Euroslavia in the qualifying stages, as much as we wish we didn't have to."

However, Sarzo turned angry when he was informed of Total 'n Utter Insanity's comment that Sarzonians were "inbred."

"We have no interest in dragging ourselves into a slander contest with a bunch of soulless, honourless nitwits," Sarzo said. "We don't like them, they don't like us. End of story." Sarzo denied published reports that Sarzonia was going to demand an apology from Total 'n Utter Insanity for their comments.

"Who gives a [expletive deleted] what they say," Sarzo said. "They've shown their [rear end] one time too many."

EXTRA! EXTRA! Read all about it!

"But I wasnt alone"
'...I invite the Starblaydians, Humans and dwarves to take revenge on Matchday eight ... if they can.'

Tadjik Gets It Wrong Again
Dauna Hills put in hot water by Bohram's comments

After a quick perusal of the latest official releases from the Kaze Progressan Football Association, one can quickly realise that Bahrom Sadirov has quite obviously lost the plot. Matchday Eight? Starblaydia play an Fmjphoenician colony, Dauna Hils, on that day.

A quick switcheroo by the World Cup 25 Organisers now sees Starblaydia play Tadjikistan on Matchdays 9 and 18, leaving the tussle between the top two teams in Group one to be decided in Starblaydia on the final Matchday. Rumours abound that the SFA will set the venue for that match as the Hall of Heroes in Karak D'Ragh, the City of Quiet Fire where the Starblaydi Dwarves have their ancestral home.

Should this match take place there, it will mark a number of 'firsts'. It will be the first time Starblaydia have played:


In the province of Karak D'Ragh
Underground (in a dormant volcano to be precise)
Tadjikistan at home (not exciting, we know, but two isn't an impressive number)


A full match report of Starblaydia's excellent 3-1 victory over rivals Vilita will be in the regular morning edition but, for now, we just can't stop laughing at others.

OC: if your unhappy with the choices of goalscorers, feel free to change

3-0 hammering wrecks Cuation's dreams

Riots in Cuation over "Fix"

It had seemed so good, winning the Baptisim of Fire and managing a suprise draw in the first World Cup match against the One Red Dot. The injury of Gary Jens and the defeats to the Macabees where minor annoyances but confidence of challenging for qualification was high.

Alas due to a mistake, the groups had to be redrawn, something the squad accepted but where a little upset. Moral among the fans was high, even after Jude said the team should expect to be in the bottom half of the group.

However now the loss of Gary Jens looks like the real blow it is, fans await news of a new goalie, anybody better then Peter Seamen. The lack of big time expirence was shown up and the failure against the Macabees plays on everybodys mind.

Some 30,000 people in Cuation have rioted, claiming that the change of groups was a delibrate attempt to stop teams like Cuation from doing well. The army has been dispatched to deal with the trouble, with the goverment denying that the redo was a conspiracy and point that that we would have faced Spruitland anyway in the last group.

"We are fully aware that not to have the groups redone would have been unfair on one poor nation and we have to put up with it. The ringleaders of the rioters will be executed and we apolgise to everyone for having to put up with these idiots."

Match

The 10,000 fans for this away game cheered on the team for the first half, the loudest cheer being when the team came out of the tunnel. In the first ten minutes, both teams looked to find their feet though a long ranger rom Timothy Ashton forced a good save from Simon Briers.

In the 14th minute a simple ball was played into the Cuation area, betwee the defence and the goalie. Captain Sol Major left it for Peter Seamen but the goalie didn't come off his line and thus Dirk Jools put Cuation behind

1-0

Gary Jens would have gone for the ball and started a counter attack, thus Sol Major leaving it, then the shot might have been saved by the more agile Gary Jens. The injured goalie could be heard shouting encourgment for his deputy from the sidelines

The team nearly folded there and then, moral taking a hit and unable to gain any control of the match, their box was under seige. Only the combined act of Sol Major and Jonathan Yan kept Spruitland at bay till the 40th minute when young Chico Provoost found enough space to have a shot, one that found its way into the net, Peter Seamen left with no chance

2-0

Coming off at half time, the team and staff looked demorlised. They had been completly dominated and Giovanni had been unable to find any space or trick to create something. The current Baptisim of Fire winners where being outclassed by the former winners and must wonder how they will ever achive such heights.

In the second half, Cuation where continually outplayed and their inexpirence was really shown up but some good defnding combined with sold saves by Peter Seamen, meant that only when Leslie Butcher paniced and passed to Dirk Jools who cleanly finished off the match. sixty minutes gone and the match was over.

3-0

Changes where made, a tiring Roy Ferguson taken off for Rio Samba, frustrated Giovanni Hatzori was taken off for Jamie Hargres and Peter Tanner was replaced by Rual Mendiz, the pacy but small striker.

Playing a 7-0-3 formation, the team hit the ball up for the likes of Rual to chase but never looked set to get a goal, instead coming off at full time happy to have not conceded more.

Interview

Speaking is goalie Gary Jens "I was sad to miss this game but Peter, my buddy did well today. Sadly we failed to do too good but this was our first game, as was our loss to the Macabees, so we can do better. We will learn and Peter will gell into the side by the next game. Good thing we should thrash Trebnak"

The Aeropag Tribune—Proud sponsor of the Junis-Omeh’ny Takilan initiative

World Cup: Capitalizts dominate for 88 minutes, let win slip away
SONOMA CENTER, AN—Overcast weather free of rain made for a crowd turnout of 73 918 at Anaphase Alchemy Stadium today. Raptor Claw had chosen a strategic incomprehensible 4–4–2 formation, with some strange positions called “protector,” “distractor,” “strateger,” and “pouncer.” The players with really strange names had been chosen.
Capitalizts had chosen an interesting 3–3–4 formation. They fielded rather ordinary players, although they are the only team to use players not named with the Latin alphabet.
That’s right, the match played just like a computer game. The Capitalizts, clearly the better team, excited the home crowd by taking a 1–0 lead in the seventh minute, shooting the ball just beyond the reach of Protector Yilk. Scorer for Capitalizts was 채기소 (Chae Gi-so), the first 쇼카지 (Syokaji) to score in a World Cup match. After that, Capitalizts lowered the tempo in order to concentrate on their defensive efforts, pulling back into a Karelan 3–4–3. Σιημητράς Φάνης (Siemetrás Phánes) received some harsh words from his coach after he acted foolishly, probably out of lack of experience, in the 23rd minute and almost let an opponent score. The match was rather dull for the next 22 minutes due to the Capitalizts’ formation, but th midfield battle gave the home team a high possession rate. Halftime score was 1–0. Capitalizts held the ball, but were not penalized, probably due to monetary incentives.
Things were going to get worse for the visitors. Unreliable service from Metropolitan Anaphase Power, Light, and Energy resulted in the stadium lights going off in the 48th minute. The visitors, used to playing under bright daylight, could not see as well as the Capitalizts at night. The next forty minutes were a standoff between the teams. In the 88th minute, an inspired push by Raptor Claw to equalize ended with Correre Velocemente shooting the ball at the goal and activating a mind control device, leaving the opponent keeper no other option than to pick up the ball from the net. Again, monetary incentives are most likely to blame for the lack of appropriate officiating. Capitalizts held the ball for the final two minutes, an idea by keeper Davis Teel to keep Raptor Claw from taking the lead.
Capitalizts’s best player was Σιημητράς Φάνης. 채기소, on the other hand, had a terrible day. The most dominating Raptor Claw player was without a doubt Cap Itano. Correre Velocemente, on the other hand, had a terrible day. The match ends 1–1, with a cartoon-like comeback that has the extremist “Excelites” campaigning for a more realistic “scorinator.”
Commerce Heights 1 (채기소 7)
Raptor Claw 1 (Velocemente 88)—FT

Sea Dragons Fall Short!

To no one's surprise, our team came up short today against TnUI. What was not expected was that they actually achieved in making TnUI work for the win.

The first half was highly contested and well played by both sides, though a late goal did send TnUI to the lockers with a 1-0 lead. Early in the second half, ASMV's electric scorer, Pablo Iglesias, evened the match at 1-1. That didnt last long as the opposition beat Shaun Conarky for the second time to lead 2-1.

In the 67th minute, Porche Alexander made her debut for the Sea Dragons. For the first few minutes everyone could see that nerves were relly affecting her game. But Unami Banta-N'bai made the difference for her, almost pulling her to the sidelines for a quick talk. After that she played like the rising star that she is touted to be. Porche got off a number of blistering shots (Pablo had a couple himself) But great play from the TnUI keeper preserved the win for the home team.

"Although we did lose this game, I feel that we made a statement" commented Coach D'Champaign following the match. "We came here to prove that we are not a joke, and we accomplished that. Our defense played well, as always. Pablo continues to find ways to score. The big news was Porche. She played as great as we had hoped she would. We should see great things from her bfore we are done.

ASMV next plays in Errion Vega againsy Eauz. Should be another tough game for the Sea Dragons.

******************************************************
ASMV offers 28 yr old goal keeper Ibrahin Kalun to Cuation. He played very little in the BoF, but that was mainly due to Shaun's great play. He did not
allow a goal during his time. He is a very capable player who should shine if give the opportunity. At 6'6", he has quite a wing-span. This added to great quickness and range should serve you well. He has agreed as well, and will welcome the opportunity to play for Cuation, should you accept.

Edgar Morini

Vikings stumble against midfield, lose opener in Druida

In what was expected to be a great opening match between two highly competitive sides, turned into a one-sided match as Druida beat the Vikings 3-1 to open up the qualifying round of World Cup 25.

Ricky Mallon was instrumental on Belmores first two scores. First he lays off the pass for that allows him to put it past Lamar for goal number one in the 25th minute. The Vikings didnt even get an attempt off until the 32nd minute when Dave Daniels took a shot from about 15 feet out, but it was swallowed up by the Druidish keeper. Ten minutes later back on the Vikings side, Belmore was putting his second goal past thanks to Mallon putting extra pressure on Bobby Bash and messed up his timing on trying to challenge Belmore, thus giving him an easy chip that he put over Lamar for the 2-0 lead. Druida's rushing midfield was overwhelming the Vikings early and making life rough for them. But when the match reconvened for the second half, the Vikings made it rough. Right out of the gates the Vikings attacked ferociously. The ball was kept in Druida's side of the field for 22 minutes, right up to when Mike Nolan sunk home the Vikings penelty shot from a handball. It seemed like the Vikings had finally found life and were ready to make it close. Right when the team thought that Mallon was done with everything, he leaves the pitch for debutant Trevor Bent. You wouldn't think much of someone coming in for the first time at 33 years of age, right? Well, this one decided to show that he got skills by firing one home out of the reach of Lamar for a 3-1 lead that would hold through to the end.

Coach wash didn't have many words after the match. All he stated was that things will be better when the team returns home to face off against System Karela.

Fmjphoenix: 1 - Druida: 3

Nolan 66 - Belmore 25, 43, Bent 72

Fmjphoenix Vikings
World Cup 25 Qualification Schedule
MD01: Fmjphoenix @ Druida 1-3 Loss
MD02: Fmjphoenix vs System Karela
MD03: Fmjphoenix @ Israel4Ever
MD04: Fmjphoenix vs Alan Shearer Heaven
MD05: Fmjphoenix @ Milchama
MD06: Fmjphoenix vs Limbrogidlia
MD07: Fmjphoenix @ Oglethorpia
MD08: Fmjphoenix vs Liverpool England
MD09: Fmjphoenix @ Ariddia
---------------------------------------
MD10: Fmjphoenix vs Druida
MD11: Fmjphoenix @ System Karela
MD12: Fmjphoenix vs Israel4Ever
MD13: Fmjphoenix @ Alan Shearer Heaven
MD14: Fmjphoenix vs Milchama
MD15: Fmjphoenix @ Limbrogidila
MD16: Fmjphoenix vs Oglethorpia
MD17: Fmjphoenix @ Liverpool England
MD18: Fmjphoenix vs Ariddia
---------------------------------------
Record: 0-0-1

Viking Goalscorers:
Nolan 1

TRIP TO BETTIA INDISTINGUISHABLE FROM DRUIDA JAUNT

Paladins pick up another 1-1 draw

BETTIA - After the previous group draw, which feature an opening match against Druida, was annulled, canceling a 1-1 draw, the Paladins weren't too worried.

"'We'll just do it again later,' was our attitude," said Marcel Provost, midfielder who scored tonight's goal against qualifying favorite Bettia. "We looked at the schedule, realized that the opener wasn't much different than the old one, and decided we could do it again."

Indeed they did, with the Paladins keeping their cool after going down 1-0 near the end of the first half. Coach William Branstone managed to keep some discipline in the high schoolers, and they came ready to play in the second half.

Keeping their wits about them, they began using the 2-6-2 formation to control the midfield, keeping the ball out of Paladins ground for an incredibly 7-minute streak. They managed to convert this when Provost took a pass from Michel Bernard and pushed it into the upper left corner of the net.

The defense then took over the game, with the Paladins only allowing three shots on goal after their score, and the Bettians only allowing two. Goaltender Andre Lavie ended the night with seven saves, but had no comment for the media as defender Albert Long had put itching powder in his shorts.

//OOC: The Solar Association seems to have replaced Tonissia in Group 10 on the scores - what's going on?//

The Nedalia Lions

Thats More Like it

Nedalia 4 - (Point 22nd, Lamm 35th, Nene 64th, Mattan 81st)
RyukyuDaitoKazanNampo - 1

KAFRA, NEDALIA - This is the start the Lions wanted. After drawing 2-2 against Elrich in what was transformed into an international friendly, the Lions defeated RyukyuDaitoKazanNampo 4 - 1 in the Kafra International Stadium, delivering a magnificent offensive show to their adoring fans.

It started in the 22nd minute, when Starblaydi based Innit Point scored Nedalia's first, delivering a blistering free-kick into the top left corner of the net. Thirteen minutes later, Honsfield Athletic's right back Hans Lamm headed in a shot from a Point corner, giving the Lions a 2-0 lead going into the half.

The 2nd half was more of the same for the Lions; they pushed forward with typical Nedalian flair, delivering two more goals, the first from Nene, and the last from the reborn and Bettian based Mattan. The opposition scored a late consilation goal, but the damage had been done, with the Lions coming out 4-1 victors.

"I was impressed not only with out offense, but with the way our defence held together. Its good to see that when they concentrate, the backline can put together a solid effort and protect Lynch's goal with authority. I was especially impressed with Hans Lamm...each game he grows more and more crucial," commented manager Randy Gamman.

The man of the moment, however, was Mattan, who finally made his comeback to the international scene after a long hiatus. He said, "I'm happy the gaffer gave me a chance to prove myself again, and I hope I earned some positive marks today. I felt good out there, and I want more of it. Hopefully, Mr. Gamman can find time for me in his squad."

In other Group 9 matches, Nedalia's AO counterparts couldve fared better, with Hockey Canada drawing against Spaam, and Andossa Se Mitrin Vega losing to Total n Utter Insanity. The Lions now top their group, a good start for the team that has aspirations of gualifying for the World Cup.

Weegie Star: Sport Report
Page 42: World Cup Qualifying

Weegies Win: Qualifying On Track

The Weegies - 3 (Stu. Taichnas 17, 28, Riddell 42)
Demonlord12 - 1 (striker 54)

Team: Maighfelghair, Meair, McClare (yellow card 32), Maighdainald (yellow card 41), P. Petersen, Mailtaigh, Madsen, McPherson, Riddell, Stu. Taichnas, Ste. Taichnas.

Group 7
Team P W D L F A GD Pts
Spruitland 1 1 0 0 3 0 3 3
Trebnak 1 1 0 0 4 2 2 3
The Weegies 1 1 0 0 3 1 2 3
--------------------------------
Bedistan 1 1 0 0 2 0 2 3
Athestan 1 0 1 0 0 0 0 1
Lovisa 1 0 1 0 0 0 0 1
Kipto-Mare 1 0 0 1 2 4 -2 0
Demonlord12 1 0 0 1 1 3 -2 0
Nanakaland 1 0 0 1 0 2 -2 0
Cuation 1 0 0 1 0 3 -3 0


A technically accomplished, cool-headed dissection of lowly-ranked and unusually named Demonlord12 started the Islanders' World Cup XXV off to a good start, building upon the enthusiasm shown in the earlier, discounted game against Bakostrovia.

The Weegies, with home advantage and 75,000 or so dedicated Weegie fans behind them in the People's Stadium, strode confidently and purposefully onto the pitch, the roars and chants behind them of a people continually fascinated and compelled by football both domestic and international. As the national anthem, Islands, Unite! played forth, as usual, the fans sang lyrics not exactly sanctioned by the WFA:

"Demonlord/ Who are you?
We have ne-ver heeeeard of you
It is clear/ you're quite pish
And you'll make a good starting dish
For our boys/ 'll eat ye up
Although they're no' supposed to eat crap
(They're on a strict trainin' regime, y'know)"

"Oohhhh for we are the mighty Weeee-gies
Strong in heart, pure in mind
Some ithers have called us baaaaaastards
And what wid ye know, they'd be right."

The rest becoming a little more unprintable, referring to the sexual predilections of Demonlord12's midfield, manager, and most of their population, as well as numerous joking threats of what will happen if Demonlord12 do actually manage to win, there being a particularly graphic and novel idea concerning two pencils and some sheet music that I hadn't heard before.

Anyway, at the kickoff, the Weegies immediately dominated, good passing play again showing an increasingly gelled midfield working to the Weegies' advantage. They pulled off a couple of good shots near the beginning, probing the defense of the other side for any weaknesses to be exploited, Stuart Taichnas coming closest in the first few minutes with a shot which rocketed just over the bar. The Demonlord12 side were pushed back as the Weegies continued to press forward, making life difficult for the opposing side, although the Weegie side did not look as if they were breaking a sweat in dominating the match.

In the 17th minute, a good bit of midfield play led Madsen to give an incicive pass to Stuart Taichnas, who managed to thread himself past the defense of Demonlord12 into the penalty box and coolly slot the ball into the bottom left corner of the net. 1-0 to the Weegies, and it looked as if this was only the beginning for a good night in Mackintosh for the Islanders.

Demonlord12 tried to get back into the match, but again were held back by the forceful Weegie defense, who were possibly a little exuberant, with both central defenders picking up a yellow card for overly physical tackling. But this tactic, a standard in Weegie footballing of managing to bully a less well-built player off the ball, paid off well in the main as the defence managed to restrain themselves from giving the opposition a better chance by getting themselves sent off.

The entire team, indeed, looked far better than they did in the Aperin Cup of Nations, the regional tournament in which the Weegies have historically fared poorly, losing to Cirdanistan last year when in their only foray into the World Cup, Cirdanistan were getting wiped off the map. The inexperience which led to shakiness, even on home soil (the Weegies hosted the ACON this year), a certain defensive weakness, has abated to a great degree, spurred on by decent results against both Bakostrovia and now Demonlord12.

In the 28th minute, Stuart Taichnas claimed his brace, a curving shot from outwith the box sidling past the unassuming Demonlord12 keeper to get a second goal for the Weegies. The fans were happy, the players doubly so, as some sections of the Weegie sporting press had made great play, of, again, the Weegie side's relative youth and inexperience - although many Weegie sides have had similar paucity in years. "Too Much, Too Soon", said the Buchanan Herald, fearing that the quick turnover of Weegie international players had lead to the Weegie side "lolling in its collective mediocrity, not giving players the time to mature outwith the severe pressures of international football". They have a point, but when the best players in the Weegies are the young players, what else can you do? Although the real test have yet to come, the problem that the press was trying to hype up has, so far, been not so apparent, the young players having an overall confidence.

The Weegies seemed to kill the game off as a serious contest in the 42nd minute, when Riddell headed in a corner by Madsen, the ball having first came to Steven Taichnas, whose shot was beaten away by the opposing goalkeeper, and then McPherson, who almost scrabbled it in. But Riddell broke the goalkeeper, and the Weegies were 3-0 up.

The Weegies again shifted to a policy of containment in the second half, comfortable in defending their lead, and again I am not sure this is the wisest policy, as again the opposing side took this as a chance to punish the Islanders for complacency, as is deserved, and the Demonlord12 striker threader through the defence to make it 3-1, although the defense tightened up and prevented other complacencies, this is a problem that must be worked on when they face more accomplished opposition who will punish the side for complacency, like Bedistan.

Still, three points means the WCQ campaign is off to a good start, and Weegie confidence will continue to be buoyed as they face their next, far harder challenge at home vs Spruitland, who defeated Cuation 3-0.

WARRIORS TRIUMPH OVER MUCH EASIER OPPONENT IN 2ND WC OPENER

Due to a highly controversial decision, the Warriors 1-0 upset that they had pulled on Tadjikistan was erased from WC records, as there was supposedly an oversight made in regards to who should have been competing. This did not sit well with the Praying2God Soccer Association, or with the national team. The second draw, while not providing a team quite of the Liverpool England calliber, is just as tough for the Warriors qualification efforts.

Despite all that, the Warriors came out for the second WC XXV home opener far more assured of the outcome, as they were playing a Michael Stricklandttttt side that is new to international soccer competition, having only competed in the WC XXV preceding BoF. The Warriors frustration at the WCC was taken out on their opponent, as they completely dominated the match from start to finish. Thomas Larson opened the scoring in the 21st minute on a beautiful cross by Ashley Gore. Then, on a corner kick in the 49th minute, Christine Holly found herself on the receiving end of a ball played in by fellow defender Claire Paulson. Kelly Carter closed out the scoring in the 62nd minute on a beautiful give-and-go exchange with Larson. Even after that point, when the Warriors showed pity by not running up the score by not being as aggressive on the attack, Michael Stricklandttttt couldn't muster any sort of threat against Sarah Walker, who made 5 saves for the shutout, her 13th as the Warriors' keeper.

SAINTS SHAFTED BY SINNERS, VICTORY TURNED INTO DEFEAT

Pastorville's convincing 3-0 upset of Lethislavania was wiped off the books by some sinners on the WCC, as they claimed that a mistake had been made in the original draw and some team from a place called Total n Utter Insanity was left out when they supposedly should have been included. As a result, the sinners ordered a redraw done, which did not help the Saints at all. Instead of a 3-0 upset victory over Lethislavania, the Saints' faces were wiped in the sins of the sinners as they "lost" to Svecia 0-2. The Pastorville Soccer Association has filed a formal protest with the WCC, stating that the redraw should not have been done so soon, and that there were possibilities that the sinners on the WCC should have explored before ordering a redraw. However, the PSA has acknowledged that they expect the sinners to take no action on their protest.



OOC: Nothing against the hosts or the WCC, this is just me venting about how I got shafted by the redraw, especially with the results that have come in so far.

The Daily Druid
STARBLAYDIS JUST AS BAD AS TADJIKS
By Bill Posters

Hypocritical Starblaydi reporters yesterday claimed that newpapers in Tadjikistan were getting facts wrong about their country, their football team and Starblaydi dwarves. Well, we've got news for you lot. Look further down the page...

Should this match take place there, it will mark a number of 'firsts'. It will be the first time Starblaydia have played:


In the province of Karak D'Ragh
Underground (in a dormant volcano to be precise)
Tadjikistan at home (not exciting, we know, but two isn't an impressive number)



Now, take a look at point number two. Because, yes, it does appear that Starblaydia have played underground before. It's something Druida do every home game, what with their national stadium being The Hole, a ground that is exactly what it says on the tin. A hole. In the ground.

Now, while Starblaydia and Druida have never met at The Hole, they have played once in Druida, at the semi-final of AOCAF VIII at the CheminduStadium in Graymouth, Starbalydia won that enounter, and got to play Vilita in the final at... The Hole. Which is underground.

Remember, always trust your up to the date Daily Druid for the true facts. Most of the time. Except when we're actually lying, be it deliberately or accidentally. Or when we've made a typo.

THE ARCHREGIMANCY BRINGS YOU

WORLD CUP TONIGHT

The World Cup Highlights Show, with Fr. Nicholas the Scribe and Fr. John the Golden-Throated

The Archregimancy 2 The Solar Association 0

"..and so the lads react to the Excelite treachery with a solid win against the Solar Association. Fr. John?"

"Absolutely - and God be praised for the victory. I felt sorry for the Solar Association last night. The lads were fired up after the heathen treachery of the world cup re-draw - rarely have I seen the Divine Liturgy celebrated with such fervour as I did before the match last night - and the Solar Association paid the price. We were efficient, dominant, and always in control."

"What about these Solar Association names, Fr. John?"

"Don't get me started. Rarely have I had such a problem commentating. Just look at their number 9: "Jarcod (Caisen){Graire(Lenot){Erriel(Larorie)}}." You try saying that every time he passes the ball."

"Why not just say "Jarcod passes the ball?""

"Because I didn't want to seem disrespectful. They might be hell-bound heathens or heretics, but there's no need to seem rude, Fr. Nicholas"

"That's never stopped you before...."

"Maybe not, but let's look at the highlights....

An early pattern is set just eight minutes into the game, when following some excellent approach play down the left by Fr. Andrew the Twice-Found, Fr. Nicholas the Hermit sends the ball flashing past the right post. Look at how penitent he seems after the easy miss.

But he made amends for the error of his ways a mere ten minutes later, when he latched on to a through ball from Fr. David the Water-Drinker, and with great thanksgiving, stroked the ball past Din (Raninna){Jidion} in the 'Association net. As you can see here, Fr. Nicholas humbly gave thanks for the goal with an extended period of prayer. There have been rumours that he intends to return to his hermitage after this World Cup, but if he continues to play in this sort of form, the MFA will be hoping he changes his mind

Our lads continued to dominate as the crowd began to chant vespers in magnificent full-throated polyphony - though a few groans went up when this 39th minute free-kick from Fr. Polycarp flashed wide of the right post.

A moment of controversy shortly after half-time... the Solar Association made a rare foray into attack, and one cross was met with another... Gunten (Satty){Nonyrard} sent the ball in from the left, only to see it bounce off Fr. Dmitri the Humble's wayward pectoral cross, and into the arms of Fr. Justinian. The Association's coach spent five minutes complaining to the fourth official that our squad's pectoral crosses should be banned as dangerous jewellry, but the referee - quite rightly - decided that religious observance took precedence in this case.

Finally, in the 60th minute - and many fans will be wondering why it took this long - another free kick on the edge of the area led to a trademark thunderous effort from Fr. Polycarp. The opposition's wall parted like the Red Sea, and before you could repeat the Jesus prayer, Din (Raninna){Jidion} was picking the ball out of his net."

"So an easy win, Fr. John?"

"Yes, though they won't always be this easy, and we won't always be this fired up, Fr. Nicholas"

"Perhaps not, but I can reveal that after the match, Coach Kyrill, Metropolitan of Solevtksy praised the efforts of his team, and noted that the squad - who were also angered by Kaze Progressa's treacherous world cup reorganisation - had prayed to Sts. Acindynus, Pegasias, Aphthonius, Elpidephorus, Anempodistus and the 7,000 accompanying martyrs during the reign of King Sapor II of Persia to intercede for the victory...."

"And victory was duly granted... but I can't help feel that the intercession of the saints may not prove to be enough against the likes of Rejistania..."

HFA Headquarters, Hypocrium

Alex Scott, Head of Hypocria’s Football Association, glared at the pile of papers in front of him and let out a sigh. He reached across his desk and pressed the intercom button.

“Jenkins, get in here.”

A moment later the office door opened and Jenkins, his long suffering assistant, entered.

“Sir?”

“Look at all this paperwork Jenkins. How dare they nose into our finances? Who does Verdasco think he is?”

“He is the First Minister sir, and with the Autokrator away in Starblaydia that does leave him in charge.”

“I missed the first half of last night’s match because I was stuck in a meeting with the auditors. But a point in Jeruselem eh? Definitely a good result.”

“If you say so sir.”

“Shame Oaker, Nova Britannicus and Chicanada all won, it leaves as playing catch-up from the start. Still plenty of games left.”

“Many games sir.”

“Exactly.”

He took a paper from one of the piles and handed it to his assistant.

“Get this typed up, it’s our home venues for the qualifiers. Then send it to the relevant Associations. It would be nice if our opponents knew where they were going.”

After Jenkins left on his errand Scott turned on his TV. He found one of the many sports channels and poured himself a vodka as he checked the results to see how the other teams in the region got on. He whistled softly when the result of the big Starblaydia/Vilita match appeared. Three one to the Purple Peril. That would not have gone down well in the Tropics.

“No-one gloats quite like a Starblaydi”, he said to the empty room.

Jenkins returned with the schedule.

Jeruselem v Hypocria (1 - 1)
Hypocria v Alemeinia (Drissa Sports Arena, Drissa)
Giant Zucchini v Hypocria
Jacobian Tribes v Hypocria
Hypocria v San-Lorenzo (Oceanside Stadium, Pylos)
Kunar v Hypocria
Hypocria v Oaker (Hyppodrome, Hypocrium)
Chicanada v Hypocria
Hypocria v Nova Britannicus (Oceanside Stadium, Pylos)
Hypocria v Jeruselem (Hyppodrome, Hypocrium)
Alemeinia v Hypocria
Hypocria v Giant Zucchini (Hyppodrome, Hypocrium)
Hypocria v Jacobian Tribes (Drissa Sports Arena, Drissa)
San-Lorenzo v Hypocria
Hypocria v Kunar (Reef Stadium, Coral City)
Oaker v Hypocria
Hypocria v Chicanada (Hyppodrome, Hypocrium)
Nova Britannicus v Hypocria

“Excellent. Speaking of stadiums, have Sarzonia decided on a neutral venue for their home game with Euroslavia?”

“Not to my knowledge sir.”

“As the Sarzonian media are going to feature some of our matches in their media coverage I suppose with should make a gesture of our own. Get in touch with the Incorporated Football Association and offer the Hyppodrome as a venue. They seem to enjoy playing there if that 4 – 0 win a few years back is anything to go by.”

“I’ll send a telegram at once sir.”

Mannerheim went into the locker room rather glad, even though he had just returned from a defeat at the hands of Squornshelous. The entire game had been settled by a single point scored while Mannerheim was at the top. It had all gone so fast, and when that ball had hit the net Mannerheim knew the game was over. Passing it all through his head he sat down on the bench and rested the back of cranium on the copper and bronze locker door behind him, taking a deep breath. Closing his eyes he took the events in one by one, all leading up to that score. It would come in useful later when the entire team, now sitting on their benches outside in the playing field thinking about how they lost their first World Cup game, were brought in and the entire scenario was revelated to them. They had played well, and they all knew it, but the win, or draw, had been so close, but regardless, they had played well enough even to lose only by one point, even if Mannerheim had not scored. So, relaxing he pondered.

He had whipped around as Paulus lost the ball and Squornshelous' player passed it behind the defense, breaking it like a twig. It was ironic how such a defense, that had played so well before and even after was broken so quickly. The goal had been shot from within the box and goalkeeper Derik Vander had jumped to put his hands in front, smacking the ball out of place. It all seemed to go so slowly as Mannerheim looked on from afar. The ball passed right over Vander's fingers, missing the block by a few millimeters, and it arched back down and to the left as it entered the net more or less in the top center, missing the bar by just a few centimeters. What had gone wrong?

Mannerheim opened his eyes again, and shook it off. That one instance would only work to harden the team's defense for the next game, against Brazilico. Mannerheim expected a similar result, but one could always hope, could he not? He continued to work through his head what could have possibly gone wrong, and it finally struck him that it had been a brush of luck, mixed with the experience and skills of Squornshelous' offensive players. Indeed, it could never be all luck when a man broke through another team's defense; it was common happenstance, and that's how most goals were scored. Mannerheim scowled. It was common sense, but the team had almost pulled a draw, which although not a win, it wasn't a loss either, giving the team just that one extra push for any chance to making it to the final.

To that Mannerheim chuckeled to himself. Dreams of making it to the final were just that, dreams, but then again it never hurt to dream, did it? Mannerheim had hoped to play in one World Cup where he would make it to the finals, but he thought ot himself that the day was far off and most likely never existant. There weren't many cases where a team made it to the finals their first world cup, and Mannerheim had only about sixteen years left in his prime football career, giving him another four world cups. Even after four world cups, a team's entrance into the finals was iffy. Nonetheless, as he repassed through his teammates he knew that the team The Macabees had formulated was amongst the best, but they just didn't have the years of experience the other teams had gathered in the past twenty-four World Cups, and that would be their ultimate downfall. Experience nonwithstanding, they would most certainly work hard and at least give it a shot. True enough, it never hurt to try, did it?

Goalkeeper Derik Vander charged in through the door of the locker room, his face carved up with the wrinkles of a man not necessarilly happy. Mannerheim looked at him, half amused, and Vander turned to slash his teammate with,"What the hell are you looking at?"

Mannerheim chuckeled and retorted,"What are you so pissed at?"

Vander rolled his eyes and said,"That goal man. That many not piss you off, but it will jeoperdize my career."

Mannerheim shook his head and replied,"I doubt it. You put up a good defense against one of the top twenty teams in this damn world cup. That doesn't jeoperdize your career, trust me."

Vander nodded and grunted and went on to clean himself, cleansing all the sweat built up during the game off his face, and taking off his shirt, revealing those burly muscles goalies were forced to keep up just for the pure mass for stopping power. Mannerheim shook his head again and walked out to talk with the rest of the team, as Vander continued grunting and complaining under the running fossit, wiping all the grit off his chest and head. Vander knew it had been a good game, but he liked to win too, especially if it was so close, and against the odds, who didnt? Not just that, but he liked to be pissed off, it was in his character to be mean, and look mean.

For the time between this game and the next they would train, train, and did anybody mention train? Then, maybe, rest for the night before to be ready for the game against Brazilico. All the while, some of the brighter minds on the team would strategize the game against Brazilico, taking in mind their loss against the Lowland Clans and their past games in past world cups. If all worked well, the Macabee team would pull off another minor loss, avoid devastation, or maybe draw, or if God was on their side, perhaps even a victory against a team they would have never thought victory was possible. Nonetheles, most thought that the latter option was a pipedream, but one could never know. All one could possibly have in his mind was that he was going to work his ass off until that game, and there was absolutely no doubt about that.

When Vander walked out, his face finally clean after minutes of scrubbing, the entire team grouped and walked over to congratulate Squornshelous' team on their well deserved victory. A little cordiality couldn't hurt, especially to avoid anger in their next game. And with that, the first chapter ended and the second begun...

0:1
The Macabees : Squornshelous

OOC: No RP bonus needed, just repost for posterity....

Liverpool England offers to host Sarzonia match

Liverpool England has offered to host either the Euroslavia-Sarzonia or Sarzonia-Euroslavia match, it was revealed today. FALE Chairman Syku Lyku admitted that he had discussed it with his board, and claims that this would hopefully make up for Sarzonia's World Cup 24 final loss to the Terminators (OOC: :p ).

The two teams would have free travel, courtesy of the World Cup's official airline, LivEng Airways, to Liverpool England, and free accomodation has been offered by the FALE. Fans will also get discounted airline tickets, and both sets of fans will each get their own stadium with a LIVE feed from the proposed match venue, the normally-160,000 all-seater National Stadium.

Syku Lyku is expected to fly to Woodstock to discuss anything possible with the Sarzonian FA soon, although he has already missed two flights.

Alexandria Times-Post-Gazette-Chronicle-Tribune-Journal-Enquirer

Sports Section

Warriors lose to puppet in first match

The redraw was not kind to Milchama as instead of having a first match draw with Oglethorpia (a good result) the Warriors lost to Limbrogdilia (a bad result). Coach Jonathan Fairbanks said, "We can't win if we don't score and we did not score today. We had chances, actually we had a lot of chances but we could not put any of them away. We deserve this loss." Match Report:

The Warriors wanted to re-startoff the campaign on a good note and looked like they could early as Floren did put a ball in the goal only for him to be called off sides by the assistant referee (A correct call by the way). That near goal seemed to dishearten who played some pretty sloppy soccer for the rest of the first half. Their sloppiness though led to a goal in the 20th minute as Player Y got a poor pass from Pevington in the box and easily shot it past Koolerc to make it 1-0 Limbrogdilia. The rest of the half the Milchamians could not get their acts together but were to good for the Limbrogdilians to do anything.
2nd Half Report:
Nothing of note happened in the second half. It was a boring game.

Final Score:
Milchama 0 (damn offsides)
Limbrogdilia 1 (Y 20)

ON BEHALF OF ALASDAIR I FROSTICUS

WORLD CUP QUALIFYING
With Basil and Theo

"And Basil, it's great to be back in the studio..."

"Certainly is, Theo - when was the last match we commentated? World Cup IV? "

"No Basil... I can reveal that it was World Cup III... we made a brief appearance in World Cup IV, but the last time we actually commentated a match was World Cup III"

"Blimey - it has been a while"

"And let's go straight to the action as the Holy Empire play away against Revolutionarian Island in their first World Cup qualifier since World Cup VII, hoping to qualify for the tournament for the first time since World Cup IV. Not that that's very likely in the wake of the plague, and even legendary coach Juan Tzimisces is predicting the team will finish dead last in the group. Basil"

"Looks like our lads are taking the field in anti-viral masks in an attempt to stop another outbreak of plague..."

3rd minute
"... an elephant, a monkey and a banana. And it's Maeda with the ball for the Islanders. He sends it out left to Yimiop, who goes right past John Ducaso in defence - the 39 year old far too slow there - Yimiop crosses and... Uber. Uber scores for the Islands. And after 3 minutes it's 1-0 to the Islanders. Basil."

"Well, the older Ducaso looked too old and too slow on that one. A disastrous start - but due credit to the Islanders for doing their homework and exploiting one of our many weaknesses."

6th minute

"... biggest penis I've ever seen. Maeda again. He's really dominating midfield in these opening stages. Out to Linksovic, who goes past Palaeologo, who, oh dear, falls over and - on account of having only one arm - is struggling to get up again. Linksovic passes.... Uber scores. And it's 2-0."

"This could be a struggle, Theo."

11th minute
"...oooh, er, missus. Maeda yet again. This is getting repetitive. Maeda through the middle. He skips past a lunging Tzimisces Jr, shoots... Lascaro misjudges in goal... it bounces off the post... and Uber cleans up. A hat-trick for Uber after only 11 minutes, and this is going from bad to worse. Basil..."

"The one-eyed goalkeeper misjudged that one badly, Theo. No depth perception. I campaigned strongly for picking a goalie with two eyes, but did anyone listen to me? No."

15th minute
"...fancy a pint', she said, laughing at my pathetic attempt to... and Uber takes the ball on the half-way line. He dribbles past Vatatzes, past Diogenes, into the penalty area... and Tzimisces Jr. hacks him down in the penalty area! Surely a red card!"

"The referee has no choice here, Theo"

"And yes, it's a penalty. And the referee calls Tzimisces over... and... lets him get away with a warning! The Islanders are _shouting_ at the referee in disgust"

"And well they might, Theo - a shocking decision. We should be a man down at this point"

"And a fat lot of good it does us anyway as Uber slots home the penalty. 4-0 down after 15 minutes, and we might as well go home and watch something interesting. Like paint drying"

Half time

"And somehow we've managed to avoid conceding any more goals at the half way mark. Basil?"

"A shocking display - even worse than we feared. The plague hasn't just ripped the heart out of our team, it's ripped out the body and soul as well"

"And I understand we can go to the dressing room, where the coach is expressing his displeasure at this supine display..."

" [beeeeeeep] disgusting [beeeeeeep] letting the whole [beep] country down you [beeeeeeeeeeeep beeeeeeeeep beeeeeeeeeeep]. I don't mind [beep] losing you [beeeeeeeeep], but I do mind being [beeeep] humiliated. [beeep beeeeeeeeeeep beep beep beeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeep]. So [beeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeep] you [beep] . Under[beep]stand?"

"My that is some blue language. He seems a little angry, Basil."

"Nah. By his standards that's comparatively mild"

45th minute
"And as the players come back on the field, Romanus Ducaso seems to be having a quick word with the officials... who all turn white as a sheet.... what's that about, Basil"

"Well, Theo, perhaps Ducaso is reminding them of his conviction - and subsequent imprisonment in solitary confinement - for stabbing a referee to death in the middle of a match."

"And straight off the kickoff, the referee has awarded the Holy Empire a dubious free-kick right on the edge of the area. And Lecapeno takes a cheeky shot before the wall is set... and... the referee allows it to stand over the furious protests of the Islanders...."

62nd minute
"...an incredible second half refereeing display, as the ref has turned down what to my eyes are two excellent Islander appeals for a penalty, and... has just awarded a penalty to the Holy Empire following a further discussion with Romanus Ducaso. What on earth was that for, Basil? The play was nowhere _near_ the penalty area"

"Seems as if the referee has, after consulting with Ducaso, penalised the Islander goalkeeper for having an overly long mullet."

"Is that in the rules?"

"Apparently it is now"

"And Ducaso takes the penalty himself... he has a quick word with Kantruva first... and Kantruva makes no attempt to save the penalty. Well, it would seem that having a homocidal maniac playing on the right wing perhaps has its advantages after all."

75th minute
"....and Ducaso has gone mad here, clotheslining any Islander who gets in his way, and the referee is doing -nothing- to stop him. Ducaso picks up the ball, body slams Nidskid - who falls to the ground unconscious - passes to Diocles, who slips the ball into the bottom left-hand corner. 4-3 to the Islanders, and this really is turning into a game of two halves..."

78th minute
"...and it looks like a couple of representatives from the World Cup hosts are taking advantage of a pause in the game, as Uber is given treatment following a particularly nasty left hook from Romanus Ducaso, to have a word with the coach. Yes... I can confirm that the Progressan and Audioslavian representatives are having a very strong word with both coach Tzimisces and the referee. And... a couple of armed officials are strip-searching Ducaso, right... the coach is having a strong word with him... and it seems that he's promising not to attack anyone. Including the referee. Basil"

"Well, someone had to step in. I don't mind a comeback, but this is disgraceful. We can't win matches just because the officials and opposition are cowering in fear. Something must be done. Though fortunately it looks like Uber can continue. Don't like to see this, I don't"

85th minute
"...and while Romanus Ducaso is behaving himself, the damage has been done. The Islanders are quaking in their boots, while the Imperials are in total control. Comneno surges through the centre of defence, he shoots... he scores! A 20-metre thunderbolt that the coach would have been proud of in his hey-day!"

"That's more like it Theo. That's how we want to win games - not through petty thuggery"

86th minute
"... straight from the kickoff. Diocles passes to Palaeologo, who surges down the right. Towards Vatatzes, who steps over the ball... DIOCLES! DIOCLES SCORES!!!!! 5-4 to the Holy Empire, and it's a comeback from 4-0 down after only 15 minutes to 5-4 with only five minutes to play!

90 minutes

"...and so the Imperials win their comeback game 5-4 in dramatic circumstances. Basil."

"I'm not sure I liked this, though, Theo. Romanus Ducaso's behaviour was completely unacceptable, and the Islanders would be well within their rights to ask for an official inquiry. This sort of thing cannot be allowed to continue, and I hope the coach will have a strong word with the right-winger, or the team could face some very tough sanctions - and none of us want to see that."

The rantings and ravings of a drunken Brunstone Grizzlies fan as he walks drunk from the stadium to his hotel room talking to no one (cept himself I guess) in particular as he stumbles down the road...

Well that was a grand old game *hick* I must say. About time them World Cup organizerrrrrrrrrrrrss, wooooooooooo what was I saying. Oh yea Trebnak, no more Trebnak in our pool, now no more North Beach idiots wanting to kill Johan Jodoski. I don't care if he is a traitor.

*stops while walking to see an older lady looking at him from afar*

HEY LADY! Hey don't run I'm not scary, wait a second, I am cause Im in spookyville. Land of the spooky, well not really but anyhow what was I talking about oh yea, grand old game today. Costov Felamora was aaaaaaaaaaawwesome.

*sees someone walking down the street looking at the drunk with displeasure, the drunken fan starts yelling at him as the individual runs away*

You heard me Costov was awesome! I don't care if he beat your team, he was awesome, yea you keep running.

So what was I saying, oh yea Costov, he got the ball, and goes right but the ball go left then he go left and the defender go right and then pass to Samik Greman and goal, wow so wonderful, when that happen the 32nd minute I think it was, yea it was, so awesome. Already had some good beers in me to when that happened.

Then what, oh yea more drinking at halftime, then wait that ugly thing them spookyville guys got a goal, who was it, Gripper yea crazy guy just started bearing down and then blasted this shot that was like wow, I nearly crapped my pants when it went in. Wait a second...

*checks his pants*

Awwww shoot I did, I thought that was a dream, oh well. Damn it we just finished drinking in the half and that Gripper have to do that, think that was 46th minute. So we all worried us Brunstone fans but not to worry, Costov to the rescue, he get goal in 79th minute with header through goalie. Such a shame he couldnt wait a second though, I just got my tenth beer out and then everyone cheer so I jump up and cheer and spill beer on woman in front of me, I felt so bad too cause that good beer and woman not let me lick beer off her.

Anyhow good game cept one fan from Pearson Cliffs who in business suit tell me off for disgracing the country so I sneezed on him by accident then he get all mad and tell security and well I spilt beer on security and they not happy and neither me I cry cause second beer I spilt...

*drunk keeps stumbling towards his motel as he continues his story to no one in particular*

OOC - info others might need:
gameone results: http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=9852972&postcount=1
Spookyville roster: http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=9752743&postcount=42
PopularFreedom roster: http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=9747466&postcount=25

Evil CSA Practice Facility, outside Ashford

Coach Hill sat in contemplation. The Dekarlean setup was coming together perfectly. Sadly, Casari can't seem to perform against a conventional team to save their lives anymore. A 4-1 loss is horrible enough. But a 4-1 loss against god-only-knows who is virtually inexcuseable. The World Cup might result in being a crapshoot this year, and if anyone in Casari was more able to play in a crapshoot, she was.

Commerce Heights is the next opponent. A much tougher challenge than whoever they played on MD1 was. But there was still a half chance at a win. And after them, a larger goal loomed in the future. Then again, actually qualifying for something for once might be a good idea right now. Thank god Ronalo is around to put the ball in the net once and a while.

"This better work, or the book deal is going to go down the tubes." She muttered, walking off to practice.

TnUI launch official complaint against first match opponents Andossa...Si...Mitrim...Vega.

It turns out that the only way the Vegans could score against TnUI was to use a cyborg, the self styled "electric" scorer Pablo Iglesias evened the score line in the second half.

"No Belmore was not a cyborg...NO MORE QUESTIONS!"

Ibrahin Kalun for 2 million?

Cuation are still hopeful of getting Hans Kahn of the Macabees but the Sea Dragon have offered their reserve keeper to their struggling friends. With the Macabees and Seadrongs becoming so close to drawing, Peter's inability at this level as shown up in the 3-0 drubbing Cuation suffered, taking them to the bottom of Group Seven.

Despite being unsure of the type of goalie Ibrahin Kalun is, Cuation have bid 2 million gold plus Peter Seamen as they look to find a suitable challenge for the injured Gary Jens.

In other news, the revolt still goes strong, the goverment denying rumors that it was over Jared's goverment rather then football. Is our beloved land near another civil war?

ASMV's Kalun to Cuation!

The Sea Dragons announced today that reserve keeper, Ibrahin Kalun, has been traded to Cuation for Peter Seamen and a conditional allotment of maoney. The terms, as released, guarantee ASMV 1 million up front with the other half of the Cuation offer dependent on the play of Kalun.

"We felt the need to add the new conditions to the offer ourselves" said GM Edgar Moroni. "He is as yet unproven on this level. If his level of play is good for the Cuation squad, we will get the rest of the money. However, if he does not play as well as we think he will, they have much less investment. Seems to be a great deal for both of our teams."

In other news TnUI has accused ASMV top scorer Pablo Iglesias of being a cyborg. As this claim is completely ludicrous, we will make no further comment on this matter.

"They just wish they had a leg like mine" Pablo ranted. "With their supposed prestige and ranking, they should have beaten us soundly. Maybe they should try to figure that one out instead of these crazy, half-witted allegations!"

Weegie Star
WFA Makes Complaint To WCC Over "National Squad Trading"
Islander's Army Protest In KP Reaches Fifth Day, New Heights Of Ire Unveiled.

The Weegie Football Association have made a formal complaint to the World Cup Committee after it objected to two national teams trading players, which it claims is against the ethos of the World Cup.

The two teams, Cuation (who fell against Spruitland 3-0 in Group 7, the Group the Weegies are currently playing in), and Andossa Se Mitrin Vega, announced earlier today that Cuation had traded goalkeeper Peter Seamen as well as two million gold for Andossa Se Mitrin Vega reserve keeper, Ibrahin Kalun. The WFA were immediately incensed by the statement, and lodged a formal complaint not longer than an hour or so afterwards.

Kalun and Seamen are not the first players to have switched sides during this World Cup, with one Cockbill Street defender having switched to the notoriously-defensive nation System Karela, although it is believed he will be waiting until he receives citizenship from the Karelans before he will play for their side, and unlike this transaction, the decision was entirely the defender's to make, rather than the national sides.

The nationality debate is at the centre of this, with the WFA saying that nationality should not be so easily traded, lest it devalue the entire World Cup. Critics of this view contend that it is not that important in the scheme of things, and that the WFA is doing this because they don't want a fellow Group 7 team strengthened, although the WFA reject this entirely.

"This is not mere Insanican-style paranoid ranting." said George Merrick, Director of the WFA. "I don't think there's anything against this kind of thing happening, but only because no-one's been so spectacularly bone-headed to do it. The whole point about having national teams take part in a World Cup mean that it is not about who can buy the best players, but dealing with the array of talent that you have. Being able to buy the best players, no matter what their nationality might be, will simply mean that richer nations can poach players from poorer nations, and skew the distribution of talent accordingly. It's like what we have seen in countless domestic leagues, but worse. We simply cannot let this sort of thing happen if we want a fair World Cup. If we wanted teams of mixed nationalities to decide the world champions, why not just let domestic teams play? And we will be taking no prisoners with the WCC if either Cuation or Andossa Se Mitrin Vega play these players whilst they remain citizens of another country."

Representatives of the offending teams were unavailable for comment.

The latest occurance in what has been an undoubtedly strange World Cup has continued to upset the thousand or so Weegie protesters outside the headquarters of the football association of Kaze Progressa. Posters remarking upon the supposed "denial" of the Bakostrovian match have been somewhat supplanted by the number of posters declaring Cuation to be cheats, and calling for the head of various people, not least those in charge of the World Cup. Police in Kaze Progressa say that the Weegie group remain non-violent, if unruly, but that they have been more antagonised since the news of the latest World Cup controversy. There has not been a violent riot by Weegie citizens since the Island Hopper Riots of 1994 which brough down the old, Svea Rigan-backed regime.

AFA backs Weegie protest

Anna Teals, President of the Ariddian Football Association, has revealed that the AFA will be offering its full backing and support to the Weegie complaint over player trading between two national teams.

"This is international football, not domestic," she said firmly. "Players must hold the nationality of the team they are playing for. Instant transfers during a competition fly in the face of that principle. If it cannot be prevented, we insist that the full procedures set in the naturalisation laws of both Cuation and Andossa Se Mitrin Vega be implemented before Mr. Seaman and Mr. Kalun become citizens of their new countries, and that these procedures be overseen by neutral observers.

We also insist that the WCC should ascertain whether the two gentlemen in question are willing to undergo this switch, and whether they understand the full consequences of switching nationalities. We expect them to be subject to the laws of their new respective homelands, with all the rights and obligations such citizenship implies."

OOC: There is no such thing as trading national players, unless the players HAVE NOT YET represented any other country nationally. Even selection for a friendly, to the bench for a freidnly, counts as representation.

IC:
To: ASMVFA, CFA
From: FALE
CC: (Emergency) World Cup Committee
Subj.: National Player "Trading"

Firstly, gentlemen, let me assure you this in no way represents the view of the Emergency World Cup Committee or World Cup Committee as a whole, but purely the opinion of the Football Association of Liverpool England, a member of both committees.

Your nations' ethics in "trading" national players is thoroughly disgraceful, and comes close to cheating. Unless these players involved have never represented their home country in any way, the FALE will be backing up the Weegie FA complaint and seek an injunction, sanction, penalty, or whatever you want to call it to make it sound nice, against the offending teams and Football Associations.

Let's hope we don't need to go to that extent, shall we? The FALE does not wish to pursue anything, unless this blows out of hand.

On behalf of Syku Lyku and the FALE,
Sir Douglas Freech
Liverpool England national manager
FALE Board of Directors

A Progressan representative from the World Cup 25 Organising Committee has confirmed that the proposed trade of Andossa Se Mitrin Vega goalkeeper Ibrahin Kalun to their Baptism of Fire conquerors Cuation breaks international guidelines.

'Our legal consultant from Liverpool England has confirmed that the WCC/NSFA rules are as per IRL guidelines which state that players cannot change nationality once they have represented a particular nation, even if it is as a substitute in a friendly,' said WC25OC member and WCC vice-president Sani Luvo in a press conference last night. Luvo has confirmed that Kalun will only be able to play for Andossa Se Mitrin Vega.

OOC: that was an IC way of thanking LE for confirming the IRL guidelines.

In other news, MD2 scores are coming in the next hour.

OC: Thank you Liverpool England, I respect the rules and will obey them, I am sorry for breaking them. I am sorry for the problems this cuased.

IC:

To: ASMVFA, FALE
From: CFA
CC: (Emergency) World Cup Committee
Subj.: National Player "Trading"

This only represents the views of the Cuation squad, staff and goverment, not its people or anyone else

If the World Cup comitee decides that such a move is cheating, we would have no choice but to comply to the rules in the intrests of a fair World Cup. In the intrest of fairness, we should point out that Peter Seamen has played, badly, for the Cuation team. After the poor performances, we can not guarentee Peter's career or life in Cuation yet letting him leave the squad would leave us with just one fit goalie.

Just be frank and call it a ban or punishment. We should point out that the papers in Cuation have had rumors of Rual Mendiz leaving and a bid for Han Kahn of the Macabees so if someone wished to point it out without risks of things getting out of hand, they could have done so awhile back.

Gary Seville
Head of Cuation team Security

xxxxxxxxx

Jude looked with amusment as news of complaints about the move rang around. Pity the transer was unlikly to go through now but this would upset his nation against the big boys. Brilliant timing considering the disturbing failure of the army to quell the troubles back home

xxxxxxxxxxx

Ilegal transfer?

After happy news of a new goalie came the inevtiable attempt to block such moves. In statements to the press, the Cuation goverment pointed out "Ariddian Football Association concerns are noted and we will comply with the rules though they had enough notice to complain before hand however we know we are little more then a small team expected to do badly so perhaps that isn't suprising. They can ask the players themselves about their wishes though it is legal in the Cuation laws for Mr. Kalun to come and work here."

"As to the Weegies, we are glad that they might actully try against us rather then relax. We are sorry that some people are bothering Kaze Progress and would welcome those that wish to protest about us into Cuation to say their peace. We do agree that the WFA are doing this for the sport since Gary Jens will be fit by the time we play and we will lose anyway so little advantage gained for such hard work. We wish everyone involved the best of luck in the World Cup."

xxxxxxxxxxx

Peter stays

A few minutes after the press statements, the nation learnt that the transer broke the rules and so Peter will be staying with the squad, the players hopefully taking this into their stride. "We are sorry for wasting everyones time and apolgise to all those involved for such choas."

GRAHAM CITY SUN - SPORTS SECTION

New Draw...Well, Sucks
Howard Perry

You know, our first draw in the silver anniversary for this beloved competition wasn't all that bad. I could have actually seen us qualifying. But after that draw, the words 'Oh, shit,' come to mind. I mean a seriously reeking pile of elephant manure. I mean, how could we have possibly drawn a worse group? The Archregimancy, Brazillico, Sqournshelous, Rejistania, Pastorville, Svecia...everyone of these challenging games that could very well result is some serious butt whalloping, especially Rejistania and Sqournshelous. Absolutely brutal. Well, before we get into too much weeping and gnashing of teeth, let's take a look at our group as a whole.

Group 2:
054 - The Archregimancy
114 - Pastorville
040 - The Lowland Clans
152 - The Macabees
005 - Rejistania
??? - Adrasuvare
011 - Squornshelous
082 - Brazillico
021 - Svecia
190 - The Solar Association


Ok, well after looking at the group rankings, this makes me feel somewhat better. But not much. Despite winning our first game here in Graham City against Brazillico, that name value is more than enough to strike fear into the heart of any Clanner anywhere. Then you have the Archregimancy, whose up and coming talent is enough to make Sarzonia look twice. Pastorville and the Macabees are two teams who are also dangerous despite their low rank and should not be overlooked. Sqournshelous and Rejistania should easily take the top two qualifying spots, but it will be a dgofight for the third spot. Between Svecia, ourselves, and The Archregimancy, it will be an absolute down-in-the-mud fight for that last qualifying spot.

Stars look good in debut against Brazillico
by Graham McKay

Today in Graham City International Stadium the Stars took on the legends Brazillico, who have fallen nearly as far as we have. It was a fairly one-sided game, but the Brazillicans did show some light in the last twenty minutes of the game. Aleksander Konstandin scored the Stars only goal in the eleventh minute on a free kick that curled past the Brazillican keeper. The Stars kept the pressure up and nearly added to their tally in the twenty sixth minute when Westley Stjepan put a cross off the far post and out. The Brazillicans put a little pressure on in the last ten minutes, putting two shots on goal and putting a shot just wide during a scramble in the box.

But the Stars came storming out again in the second half, with Rich Blythe and Gary Park put two shots in one after the other, but Park but his over the crossbar. In the sixtieth minute, The Stars had a goal called back on an offside call that many in the stadium thought was a missed call, but upon further review it was the right call. Again, Brazillico took the offensive, nearly putting two in on a rush up the field. The ball remained in the Stars half for the rest of the game, but the defense of Bojan Vasil and Carson Lindsay kept the Brazillicans at bay.

I do not really know where to pu this, but how exactly is this qualification supposed to work?

JGN Sports News

DB: David Becks, Minister for Sports and former World Cup player
AG: Anna Goldstein, JGN sports reporter

...

AG: Good morning to JGN Sports News
DB: Good morning, this is David Becks
AG: World Cup qualifiers, match day 2 results here!

GROUP 4
Jacobian Tribes 1 Giant Zucchini 1
Hypocria 3 Alemeinia 1
San-Lorenzo 1 Jeruselem 3
Kunar 0 Nova Britannicus 1
Oaker 4 Chicanada 0

DB: Looks like a normal result in Group 4
AG: Let's round up the results, first the Jeruselem vs San-Lorenzo game
DB: Well, a solid 3-1 for Jeruselem over a rookie tea, but 4 points in 2 games. Good start. Jeruselem normally lose one of the two games.
AG: Why's that?
DB: We're slow starters.
AG: Giant Zucchini got a point against well, another Israeli type team
DB: Jacobian Tribes, a newish team. They got a 1 ALL draw against Giant Zucchini. Good for the Jacobian Tribes, but Giant Zucchini has to get into the winning habit
AG: Oaker - flying start
DB: Oh yes, Chicanada are not bunch of rookies but they got thumped today. Oaker just trashed them. Oaker look like making the top 3 indeed.
AG: Nova Britannicus, they just keep on rolling on
DB: A 1-0 win against Kunar, but wins are wins. They look good despite the low scores.
AG: Hypocria, looking like a champion?
DB: Maybe not in the Oaker category, but a 3-1 win over Alemeinia who beat the veges. They will do well this time.
AG: Chicanada, bad day or Oaker too good
DB: A bit of both. It's not reflective of their real potential
AG: The results so far look, well predicted
DB: Yes, but Giant Zucchini are struggling. The rookies are trying with Alemeinia having a win. Otherwise the other teams are doing as expected.

OOC - I offer my sincerest apologies. I did not realize that this was against the rules. With all the talks of trade, I assumed it was allowed. Must be the American in me showing up. It will not happen again.

IC -
The proposed trade of Seamen and Kalun has been blocked by the WCC. This has come as a shock to ASMV officials who did not realize that they were in violation of any rules.

"We are shocked to find that this is not allowed. However we will abide by these guidelines" stated Edgar Moroni. "As we are new to the international scene, we hope this to be the only instance that we are on the wrong side of things. We will accept without petition any punishment rendered by WCC/NSFA . Again, we are sorry for the trouble we have caused."

Ariddia still goalless

At the close of matchday 2, Ariddia still has not scored a goal in this competition. Today Ariddia played Israel4Ever, at home in Stade National Rêvane-Sud, in front of an enthusiastic home crowd, whose cheering gradually grew lesser as the game progressed.

Some fans were wearing national futsal kits, and chanting “On est les champions” and “We are the champions”, no doubt in an effort to impress and worry the Israeli team. If so, the effort proved fruitless.

Ariddia conceded two early goals, in the tenth and seventeenth minutes, and were unable to recover from the blow. Frédéric Clément, usually a sure shot, failed to convert a penalty kick in the sixty-seventh minute, which would at least have granted his team a first goal in the Cup.

“No comment,” he told journalists glumly at the close of the match.

Team captain Ue Alt has acknowledged that the Rouge-et-Noirs face a “severe predicament”.

“We were able to hold together in the last hour of the game, and keep our opponents from increasing their lead, but that’s about it. This was a home match, against one of our least experienced opponents, and it was one we desperately needed to win if we don’t want to finish bottom of our group. We really needed three points from it, and we’ve got none. All I can say is, we’ll be working hard on analysing what went wrong, and coming up with a solution. There are teams in this group that we *can* beat, and we *are* going to beat them.”

The Ariddians will be travelling to AlanShearerHeaven for their next challenge, and Alt has said that a defeat there was “out of the question”.

Different Game - Same Story

The Sea Dragons entered MD2 knowing full well they were the complete underdogs. The only surprise in the match againsy Eauz was the fact that, once again, it was a close one. The Eauz defense only allowed one goal - Malachi James(35th minute) and their attack had the ASMV defenders scrambling the entire match.

"I cant say that we have done poorly thus far" said Shaun Conarky. "In fact it would seem quite the opposite. TnUI was ranked 7th, and Eauz 17th. The fact that both ended as one pt losses is a moral victory. It could have been much worse."

Next up for the Sea Dragons is a trip to DaWhosLinePeople, an unranked opponent. If the team plays up to its ability, this should translate into 3pts to bring home.

Stars back on track in 5:0 romp

WOODSTOCK (ASP) -- With a nation's capital that was still in shock following Sarzonia and former close allies Pacitalia severing ties and the ensuing controversy, the Sarzonian national football team was back to becoming a welcome break from political discussions. The Stars did their part to provide elixir for the wounded psyches of their supporters, getting a hat trick from forward Kenny Cooper and single goals from replacement strike partner Kevin Wilson and midfielder Jenna Raven en route to a 5-0 shellacking of Kylaai in the second match of World Cup XXV qualifying.

"We were well aware of the politics, how could you not be," Coach Barry Owens asked. "In a time like these, we just have to hope that we can provide people with a little bit of entertainment to let them forget their troubles, if only for the two hours we're inside that stadium."

The Stars (2-0-0, six points) played with a fire that seemed to be absent in their 1-0 win over Jon Parkin and looked exactly like a world's number one ranked side against a quality Kylaai side. Sarzonia jumped on top just eight minutes in when Kevin Wilson, starting in place of older brother Brian (sprained knee) fed Cooper with a "picture perfect service," according to Cooper.

"Kev made it easy for me with that pass," Cooper said. "It took off a lot of the edge we had coming into the match." With that edge off, the Stars scored three more times in the next 25 minutes and closed out first half stoppage time with Raven's first-ever senior World Cup goal after a stellar career with the Under 21 national side.

"That was great for Jenna," midfielder Jarret Sanderson, her teammate on the Junior Stars, said. "It's great for her to be the first woman to play a prominent role on the senior national team and for her to earn her spot by playing better than the men."

"I don't focus on any of that," Raven said. "I've played against boys and later men for years. I just focus on doing what I've got to do to help my team win."

In other news, Hypocria broke into the win column for former Sarzonia Coach Dave Wilson with a 3-1 romp over Alemeinia at the Hyppodrome in Hypocrium. Following the Stars-Kylaai match at Bryan Marshall Stadium in Woodstock, the Jumbotron screens showed the Hyppos match live and most of the 51,036 in attendance stayed to watch. With each Hyppos goal, the crowd cheered just as enthusiastically as they did for any of Sarzonia's five goals.

"It's great to see Dave doing well over there," Owens said. "I hope they make the Finals and I hope they do really well."

OOC: Any trades probably referred to domestic team football trading. A World Cup is a good showcase for foreign players, after all. No trouble, anyway - the WFA enjoys being as whingy as possible.

Weegie Star: Sport Report
Page 42: World Cup Qualifying

Defeat Against Spruitland - Cards A Plenty

The Weegies - 1 (Ste. Taichnas 43)
Spruitland - 3 (Jools 12, Gelmer pen 54, 64)

Weegie Team: McInally, Meair, Bailderson (yellow card 22, injury 34), D. Petersen, McAilain (yellow card 10, red card 42), Mailtaigh (yellow card 42), Harris, Andersen (yellow card 54), Riddell, Stu. Taichnas, Ste. Taichnas.
Subs: McClare (replaced Bailderson 34 after injury), P. Petersen (replaced Harris 42 after McAilain's red card), Madsen (replaced Harris 76, yellow card 82)

Spruitland Team: Briers, Donck, Opdebeeck (yellow card 34), Van Dyck, Wigmeister, Wilander, Trouwel (injury 82), Gelmer, Luyckx, Provoost (injury 54), Jools.
Subs: Wolters (replaced Provoost after injury 54), Kibby (replaced Opdebeeck 69), Beck (replaced Trouwel after injury 82)

Group 7
Team P W D L F A GD Pts
Spruitland 2 2 0 0 6 1 5 6
Bedistan 2 2 0 0 3 0 3 6
Trebnak 2 1 1 0 5 3 2 4
--------------------------------
The Weegies 2 1 0 1 4 4 0 3
Kipto-Mare 2 1 0 1 3 4 -1 3
Lovisa 2 0 1 0 0 0 0 2
Athestan 2 0 1 1 0 1 -1 1
Demonlord12 2 0 1 1 1 3 -2 1
Cuation 2 0 1 1 1 4 -3 1
Nanakaland 2 0 0 2 0 3 -3 0


The Islanders' chances of making it to the World Cup Finals were dealt a blow today, when they went down to defeat against Spruitland at home in the People's Stadium. However, the worst thing about the match was not the scoreline, but the attitude the players gave toward stopping Spruitland leaving them in worse shape than Spruitland, collecting a total of six yellow cards. It cannot merely be blamed on a hyper-sensitive referee - although the Rejistanian officiator did seem to be rather nerved by the Weegies' tough, uncompromising style - some of the tackles were rash, stupid and cavalier, and our team paid the price for that. This means that not only is McAilain out for the next match, our first away match against unranked but on-form Trebnak, but six other players (McClare, Maighdainald, Bailderson, Mailtaigh, Andersen, Madsen) now have yellow cards under their belt, and are thus restrained by the weight of those cards. In many cases, it was more or less their own fault.

Walking out onto the pitch, there was a certain nervousness around the Weegie side when facing Spruitland, who had really come from nowhere in World Cup 23 to qualifying in World Cup 24, perhaps the quickest transition from starting in the World Cup to qualifying in the history of the World Cup. Nerves were, perhaps, justified. The fans were as ebuillient as ever, though, again making joking threats, mostly about bellboys spitting in the player's sheets and replacing shampoo with seal blubber if Spruitland actually tried to score a goal. Many other fans were also carrying signs saying "Cuation - Just Try It" or chanting "You'll always find/a Cuation behind a desk/cowering/cowering/you'll always find/a Cuation behind a desk/cos they havnae got the balls/to talk t'yer face", a reference to what the fans claimed were certain intimations in the Cuation press that the Weegies were scared of them, although it is unclear where the fans got such ideas from. The number of anti-Cuation signs also perplexed Spruitland fans, who thought they might have been at the wrong match.

Spruitland, though, showing the professionalism that being a high-ranked nation needs, were not intimidated. They immediately went on the offensive, and the first indicators that the Weegie side were going to be even more physical than usual was McAilain's yellow card in the 10th minute, when he brought Provoost down at the edge of the box by trying to shove him off the ball. Weegie fans howled as the referee gave Spruitland a free-kick, which McInally duely had to exercise considerable skill batting away the ball over the crossbar.

But the score was not to remain nil-nil for long. With a great assist by Wilander, Jools showed why he's one of Spruitland's first-choice strikers, rounding past Bailderson and then McAilain to slot the ball into the top left corner, not giving McInally a chance. A pretty piece of football, one of only a few in what was to become, on both sides, a big hard scrap.

Spruitland continued to dominate, but The Weegies, being frustrated by the Spruitland midfield, began to play even more physically. There were a lot of arms and legs beginning to be thrown about, and Bailderson was penilised for a hold on Proovost. Of course, Spruitland began to lash out as well against the tactics being taken, Bailderson being injured with a twisted ankle by Opdebeeck, who also received a yellow card. Bailderson may be out for the match against Trebnak, which is in only a week and a half's time, again constraining Persson's choice for that match.

The major flare-up came in the 42nd minute, where what seemed like a clear dive by Provoost was not seen by the referee, who gave Spruitland a free-kick at the edge of the box. McAilain and Mailtaigh argued with the ref, and with some of the Spruitland players. McAilain pushed the ref, and Mailtaigh seemed to clip Wigmeister round the ear, who started arguing fiercely with McAilain. McAilain received an admittedly deserved red card for his transgression, and Mailtaigh was lucky to receive a yellow card. It was not, at all, a pretty sight. And with both sides' blood up, it was not likely to get prettier.

With the free-kick taken and saved by McInally, the Weegies went immediately on the counter-attack, and a cross by Riddell after some good dribbling meant that Steven Taichnas could volley it into the net, the Spruitland defence caught unawares. "Big Stevie"'s decision to make a rude gesture whilst out of sight of the ref to the Spruitland fans and some of the players probably did nothing to diffuse the situation, although Weegie fans loved it.

Andersen brought down Provoost, as he put it "for good", after the break in the box, slamming into him whilst trying to get the ball, injuring him, but the ref didn't see it that way and gave a penalty to Spruitland, which Gelmer easily converted. Gelmer then later seemed to finish the match bay striking a ferocious shot from 25-yards into the back of the net.

Seemingly more out of revenge than trying to claw back into the match, the Weegie side continued the physical game. Trouwel was injured when Madsen brought him down - protestations that it was "just a tap" did not bear the evidence of quite a gash in Trouwel's thigh, again the result of a rash and frustrated challenge. Stuart Taichnas tried to get the Weegies back into the fight, but at the end of the day, it was just too much for the side.

Manager Frederick Persson looked visibly disappointed with his players, stating that "I do not expect my boys to be acting like that. They are football players. They are not street brawlers. I will have to talk to them severely because of this silly, silly behaviour. We shall get this sorted out for Trebnak. I shall see to that."

Fans were notably disappointed by the defeat, but still remained upbeat, the target of their occassional ire remaining Cuation. There was no question of the fans turning as ugly and physical as the game was. Mackintosh Constabulary Chief Harry McIlroy stated: "It's good that Weegie fans are no prepared to only let their anger out through chants and songs, rather than how they used to in the bad days of the sixties, seventies and eighties, with rioting, pitch invasions and a lot of violence. Weegie fans were banned from Celdonia at one point, thankfully that's all in the past, and Weegies and opposing fans, despite their passion in football, can get along fine. Of course, it's still considered good form for opposing fans to not try and antagonise Weegie fans into violence through minor violence of themselves, or to visit heavily-Weegie footballing bars such as the famous Angry Clansman, the Islander's Army haunt."

Although defeat does hurt the chances of Weegie qualification, there is still a lot of hope for the Islanders. Lovisa, the 15th seeds, have been underperforming spectacularly, having not scored yet, and drawn twice against Demonlord12 and Athestan, neither particularly favoured. Kipto-Mare was shaky against Trebnak, and if the Weegies beat Trebnak, it might bode well for the Kipto-Mare match further down the line. But if the players keep acting like this, it may be a forlorn hope to repeat the surprise success of World Cup 23 qualification.

Casari4sport

Casaran Effort that does not resemble an exploding Ford Pinto gives first point of qualification
Confidence on the rebound just a little bit after horrible MD1 disaster

Casari took the field in a sorry state today, but considering the circumstances, a 1-1 tie is not the most horrible result that could have resulted.

The first goal, a shot by CH's Friedel Oheim in the 34th was badly misplayed by usually solid Keeper Salvidore Rooney. However, the next Casaran offensive effort resulted in a score five minutes later by usual support player Ari Saienz.

The teams returned from halftime for a second half that was a disgusting display of lobbing and chasing the ball back and forth across the field, with only 3 shots the entire half.

After the match, Coach Hill said, "We have what we needed. We're off the point schneid, at least."

New Player called up to National Team
Javis Lemurry a curious choice

Javis LeMurry (24), generally regarded one of the fastest tackling defenders in the First Division and just traded to United Arcadian was called up to the national team today.

"Javis is a very promising young talent and we're very excited to see what he can do on an international level."

Javis is expected to begin playing in MD4 against Revolutionarian Island, Going into the forward back slot previously held by Masahiro Noda.

LeMurry will be given Kit #8 for international competition.

The Big Mistake

Now that was something special, a nearly empty stadion for the first Tadjik qualification match! No, there was no reason, no problem that required a match behind closed doors. Then, why was there no crowd?

The answer is simple, The Tadjiks were supposed to visit Kericia. But due to some mistake in the official organization, the Tadjik Tigers were sent to Da Philelfya Empiya while their fans took a plane to the original destination, Kericia.

In the meantime, the Dauna Hills fans went to the stadion, but when instead of their team, the Tadjiks showed up, they returned home angry. Fans of Da Philelfya Hellcats didnt understand it either, most of them thought it to be a bad joke and left. So when the game started, there were only a couple hundred spectators.

Bahrom and Rezvon Sadirov checked their schedules and noticed there was something wrong 'We got on the plane, a Tadjik aircraft by the way, and we all believed we were going to Kericia. Had they given us the boarding passes, I would have seen it. But no they insisted on doing everything with their computers. I've never been to either nation, so I couldnt tell the difference really. I already knew there was something wrong when we arrived, but the others convinced us that there was nothing to worry about. And then we got to the Stadion, It wasnt called 'BNU Arena', it had a different name which i dont remember. Then we saw the flags and the players ... This wasnt Kericia, Its Da Philelfya Empiya.

I called the Federation, told them what had happened and that I did not come here to waste time, we wanted to play that first match without delay. They objected but they cant stop me when they're in Dushanbe and I'm in DPE.

The DPE Hellcats didnt understand exactly what had gone wrong either but Rezvon Sadirov explained the situation to them and after much laughter they agreed that it would be best to get this thing over with. Time to get serious now.

The of the most important advantages of the home team had been eliminated by the organization: the DPE fans! The Tadjik players had no trouble understanding what Rezvon Sadirov ordered them from the bench. And with their organization at one hundred percent they rushed forward and took control of the game.

Salenko and Pliiev, made move after move in the first twenty minutes but they were all stopped by their opponents, Hellcat goalkeeper Kleist deserves most credit for that. In the twenty-seventh minute Pliiev found himself a small opening in the opponents defense and sent Salenko through it for a first (Tadjik) goal. Only a handful of people cheered; The Coach and the players.

The Hellcats then used the time they had to mount a counterstroke, a good move down the left flank by Vannucci followed by a shot on Gurchevs fists, most other attempts were stopped by the Tadjik defenders or proved to be an easy catch for Gurchev.

The second half brought change for the Philelfyan Hellcats, more assaults, move shots and more work for Gurchev and his defenders. Alas, these shots were not accurate enough to get past him, or there just werent enough shots.

The Tadjiks closed this case in the Seventy third minute, a powerful kick through the center by Pliiev, too powerful for Kleist it appears as he couldnt do anything about it. And it was also enough for the Tadjiks to pick up the full three points.

Finally, we visit Kericia

The Organization of the World Cup solved the mistake it made during Matchday one by swapping team schedules, not exactly what the people at the Tadjik National Football Federation wanted to see, it forced them make a new match schedule, the third. The Sadirov brothers werent happy either, but it wouldnt stop them from doing their job. Everyone tried to forget this had all happened and tried to focus on the Tadjik victory and the next match.

The Tigers did not worry about the problems, they just played their game, and with success, the Tigers beat the Kericians. a mediocre first half saw the Kericians close to the Tadjik box, especially Brehm and Cedarholm troubled the Tadjiks, Gurchev had to come out of his goal a couple times to stop them.

The second half was much better, more control over the game and more pressure on the Kericians. The Tadjiks even besieged the Kerician box between the sixty-third and the seventy-seventh minute, an effort that payd off. Two goals, One by Salenko in the sixty eight minute, two minutes later a header by Zuhurov, completed the siege.

The crown on this work was set by Gregor Szarmach, who placed a penalty-kick in the lower left corner in the eighty-fifth minute. All of a sudden noone complained about schedules, everyone celebrated the Tadjik victory. The Tigers started the qualifications with two wins, the Sadirovs were satisfied with the way things were going now, Bahrom Sadirov admitted the second draw wasnt all that bad: 'Instead of losing our first match, we won it and our second match against an opponent much stronger than the Praying2God warriors! The first match was bad, but it showed me what needed to be changed. We can finally look forward and stop wasting time on details. Our next match in Metfield is what we'll focus on now!

Fixtures:
MD1: Da Philelfya Empiya - Tadjikistan W 0-2
MD2: Tadjikistan - Kericia W 3-0
MD3: Metfield - Tadjikistan
MD4: Tadjikistan - Rordia
MD5: Dauna Hills - Tadjikistan
MD6: Lethislavania - Tadjikistan
MD7: Tadjikistan - Vilita
MD8: Kudlastan - Tadjikistan
MD9: Tadjikistan - Starblaydia
MD10: Tadjikistan - Da Philelfya Empiya
MD11: Kericia - Tadjikistan
MD12: Tadjikistan - Metfield
MD13: Rordia - Tadjikistan
MD14: Tadjikistan - Dauna Hills
MD15: Tadjikistan - Lethislavania
MD16: Vilita - Tadjikistan
MD17: Tadjikistan - Kudlastan
MD18: Starblaydia - Tadjikistan

The team broke into the locker room rather happy that day, more so than the day before, and the crowd cheered as they witnessed their team excel once again. It had not been a win, but it had not been a loss, and for moral and for experience reasoning, it had been a huge win. Indeed, they had managed to pull a draw against a team eighty ranks ahead of their own, Brazillico, which meant that the team didn't seep faster and faster into negative points. Regardless, the game had been largely contested, and no player could doubt that. Seydlitz had been given a Yellow Card for a fowl which should have never happened, as he tackled at one of Brazillico's player's feet. He had almost gotten himself a red card when he began to yell back at the call, but he was saved from that disgrace, and that possibly saved the team as well, none could doubt that either.

Mannerheim had played well, but not well enough, and he had missed several opportunities that were lined up for him. In minute fifty-six Paulus had broken Brazillico's defense with a pass to Mannerheim through the box, and he had wasted the effort by placing the ball too high. Mannerheim walked through the field, retracing the game, and he sat down on one of the sideline benches and replayed that scene through his mind. The ball had come straight to him, while Brazillico's goalkeeper had dived to try to stop the ball before it hit Mannerheim's shoe. Unfortunately, the Macabee sweeper got to it first and hit the ball on the right curve, sending it over the head of the goalkeeper and towards the goal. Then it went askew, possibly due to a bad kick, and it went over the wood, landing behind the goalie box as useless as could be. Mannerheim scowled, raised his hands up in the air, and yelled at himself, and then went back to the game, horribly angered at his fault.

The game had gone quickly, with both teams moving in for the shots, and several attempts but failures. Kahn, the protagonist goalie during the second half did great, although it was not expected, stopping every single ball that was placed within the goalbox, enhancing his respectability after the Crendonia and Pastorville debacles. That day he met up with Derik Vander and both were more or less content with the game, although Vander was slightly vexed when it was made news that Kahn would be second half goalie for the rest of the games unless he slipped again into a period of uselessness.

The principal case for Kahn was when Brazillico's right wing foward had brought the ball into the goalbox, and the Macabee defense was juked, and the ball was put right up the center. Kahn missed with his hands, but kicked it out of the goalbox with his foot, saving the game. The crowd had gone wild, and Kahn has saved his World Cup career. It was a brilliant, if lucky, defense, but it had worked, and worked well, and there was no doubt that The Macabee National Team would be a known team when they were sent home; the underdogs, although not the victors, putting up a defense that was never expected, losing only by a point to Squornshelous, and drawing with Brazillico.

The crowd had gone wild that day, Macabee flags waving, the double headed eagle flying once again through the air. The glory of the nationalism of the Empire was perfectly evident throughout the stadium, and all stood in awe as the crowd chanted the national anthem. A few fights broke out, but nothing really serious, and the game went more or less well with nothing special. The spectators have growing confidence in their team and as one said, first a loss, first a draw, and then what? By the order of events, a victory is in sight next, but then again, their foe for the next matchday is Svecia, which is a full one hundred and thirty places above the Macabees, although the Macabees only lost by one point to a team better than Svecia. What can be in store? Only fate could really tell. But nonetheless, today had been a great game.

0:0
Brazillico:The Macabees

OC: nice chant Weegie

Cuation blow their chance for three points

It had not been a good week, being thrashed by Spruitland and falling foul of the law, at least they match seemed to be relativly easy. However Trebnak had beaten Kipto-Mare so it wasn't going to be as easy as the fan belived.

Match

Roared on by a 50,000 crowd who backed their team, when not making up insults about the cursed Macabees, the one team the fans feared to face in any competion. As Sol Major went up to do the coin toss, Jonathan Yan could be seen talking to a jumpy Peter Seamen. To the advantage of Cuation, rain had been pouring down onto the pitch for the past hour and would continue to do so for the rest of the match.

From the start, the team used the wet pitch to make sliding tackles and test the keeper from distance though Giovanni looked unhappy whenever the ball slipped away from him. Not a day for skillful play, Cuation booted it up for Peter Tanner to try and flick on.

In the fifth minute, one flick on fell to the enforcer, Roy Ferguson, who spread the play out wide to Timothy Ashton. Cutting inside, Ashton let rip with a power shot along the ground from around twenty yards. It lacked accuracy but the keeper still couldn't hold it but with the body behind the shot, was able to claim it at the second attempt.

Cuation's defence was strong in the first half, hard but fair challenges allowing the team to regain the ball quickly before booting it up to Peter. Still a few times, Peter Seamen was called upon and each time, managed to do the job. The best save seeing him leap up to tip over a feirce long range drive after nearly losing his feet.

Cuation's team couldn't really create chances, the rain denying Giovanni from opening things up with his skills and Timothy Ashton's long shots where getting predictable. Around the 30th minute, Ashton and Heskey started hitting in long crosses but despite Peter's height, he never really got into postions to take advantage.

As the first half drew to a close,in the 44th minute Abel Robinson lumped the ball forward, a defneder slipped in the rain, allowing the ball to fall for Peter Tanner to volley it goalwards. It wasn't the best of shots but it was enough to beat the goalkeeper.

1-0

With the crowds cheers ringing in their ears, the players relaxed and nearly let in an equaliser, when a cross was met by an unmarked striker but somehow the ball flew wide with Peter Seamen well beaten. Coming off at half time, the team was ahead and confident, perhaps too much so.

In the second half, Cuation gave way and wouldn't summon any attacking threat till the last few minutes. Trebnak kept attacking and where unlucky not to go ahead so early when Peter turned one close range header onto the post and Jonathan Yan just managing to deflect the rebound onto the bar.

With the back four entrenched inside the area and Peter performing so well, the soaked manager Jude made a change taking off Giovanni for Jamie Hargreves, the fresh and eager leds to try and close dthe match down. This as early as the 60th minute

Eventually, Sol Major failed to clear properly and Jamie allowed someone to get in a piledriver. The shot was hard and low, with the ball wet and covered with mud, it was impossible to hold. Peter did well to get down and beat the shot away but alas it fell to a striker to equalise

1-1

The fans turned on the poor goalie with chants like Peter-Peter Seamen/he comes from Macabees/a spy in our ranks/he lets in everything/Peter you are nothing/nothing but a/ nothing but a Macabeeeee

Thanks to tight security, all that got chucked at the keeper was a few water bottles, with any cuaght facing the penatly for high treason. The confidence of the players sapped, the team was put under even more pressure but thanks to Sol Major, Jonathan Yan and Peter Seamen, Cuation didn't concede the winner. Indeed in injury time, a long ball allowed Heskey Anderton to muscle his way clear, the shot however flew high over the bar.

Coming off, drenched but clutching a point, the team have a lot to work on if they are not to finish bottom. Trebnak are the dark horses of the group and if they can keep this up, they might just qualify.

Interview

Manager Jude on the game: "We where relativly poor and got over confident. We will be working on how to cope with a lead, how to control the midfield. I was delighted at Peter Seamen's performance, while he will never be Gary Jens, he is proving himself to all the critics. Our next match is against Nanakaland, hopefully we can gain a point there to stay off the bottom and to gain confidence.

Asked about the Weegie chants, he frowned "Why are they so worried about us? We are not like them and do not like to fight, we even offered that they come over to Cuation to discuss things. Maybe they are worried that we will finish above them, though as the Weegie football team will finish bottom, that won't be hard."

A "fan" was asked how he and others will greet Weegie "We will make them most welcome, our team will play hard and we will fight hard. If they want to insult us, they must be ready for the consquences.

Rumors that prisinors had been offered freedom if they would travel to Trebnak vs The Weegies to avenge the nations honour have been denied. Incidently the recents riots have stopped and cheap flights, sometimes even free, are being offered for that game, also the Angry Clansman is said to be a must-see. We dearly hope the Weegie fans won't provoke our mild mannered fans, whose only dislike is for the Macabees habit of beating Cuation.

Next Match

Nanakaland are bottom of the table with no points but while this is perhaps a good time to play them, Cuation will have to play well to get three points. If Cuation are to hit good form and make a fight for the qualifyers, they must pick up wins soon. This match and the one after may be as good a chance as Jude will get.

Robert Robertson: Dude, we havn't been getting alot of attention from the media lately.

William Williamson: I know what you mean, man. It's like noone cares whether we win or loose.

Robert Robertson: Maybe if we win our next few games and get into the cup we'll get more coverage.

{Erick Erickson runs into the room.}

Erick Erickson: O my god! Guys, I just heard that Anderson has been assassinated.

William Williamson: No way! That's unbelievable. Do they know who did it.

Erick Erickson: I haven't heard anything else. It takes a while for news from An archy to reach this part of the world.

Robert Robertson: I guess his son will take over now, right?

Erick Erickson: Yeah, I guess he'll inherit the company from his father.

{Fredrick Fredrickson runs into the room.}

Fredrick Fredrickson: You guys won't believe this!! Andy Anderson has been assassinated.

William Williamson: We already know. Erick told us.

Fredrick Fredrickson: No, I mean the younger one. Now he's dead too.

Robert Robertson: O my god! No fucking way!!! Do you know who did this!

Fredrick Fredrickson: I heard that mercenaries from the Nation of Fortune carried it out. Also, Blacksmith was involved somehow.

{Later that day...}

Robert Robertson: All of you guys have probably heard that Anderson and his son have been assassinated. A war has now broken out back home, and the people could really use some kind of inspiration. We have to start winning. We have to do this for Anderson, his son, and our fellow Citizens. The rest of our qualifying season is going to be dedicated to the Andersons and the people back home living in the war zone.

Jimmy Jameson: Right on!!

{The players start cheering and one of them leads in the singing of the An archic national anthem. Then, they begin preparing for their next match}

WARRIORS RULE GROUP 6 AFTER CONSECUTIVE TRIUMPHS

That's no misprint, folks. The Praying2God Warriors are leading Group 6 in WC XXV qualifying, albeit it is after only two matches, so there are 16 matches left for the Warriors to lose the group lead, as they probably will. It is figured to be doing wonders for the Warriors' morale after the fiasco of WC XXIV, though it has come against some of the bottom ranked teams in their group. That being said, Corruptomania had gotten off to a strong start by defeating Casari 4-1 in their opener. However, Corruptomania ran into Sarah Walker and the Warriors defense and couldn't match Casari's output from the opener, as the Warriors went into Corruptomania and left with a 1-0 victory. The lone goal of the match came in the 9th minute from Thomas Larson as midfielder Alissa Madison found him at the top of the box on a cross from near the left touchline. Next up for the Warriors is Alasdair I Frosticus, who has gotten off to a strong start by defeating Revolutionarian Island and Michael Stricklandttttt in their first two matches. So, AIF has also not played a very tough schedule thus far, but they have a lot of experience from the early days of the WC. Needless to say, the Warriors are not going to overlook AIF, as they could be a serious threat to the Warriors dreams of qualifying. It is nice to see the Warriors taking care of business against the teams ranked below them at the moment, hopefully the Warriors will be able to keep that up.

SAINTS PRAYERS ANSWERED AGAINST THE ARCHREGIMANCY

The Pastorville Saints had their prayers answered for a win in the WC as they were blessed with a victory against The Archregimancy. The Saints endured the standard pre-match festivities in The Archregimancy, and then came out playing strong defense against The Archregimancy, as neither team could mount a serious chance to score throughout most of the match. Finally, in the 79th minute, Reverend Johnson took a Saints corner, and his kick found its way to Reverend Harris' head, and the ball was suddenly in the net for the 1-0 lead, which would hold up over the last 11 minutes of the match. The Saints now move on to play The Solar Association in the national stadium. The Saints and The Solar Association have a history in international soccer already, as the Saints were blessed with their first victory in the BoF that preceeded WC XXV against The Solar Association 3-1. Hopefully the coming meeting will provide a similar result for the Saints.

Kericians Shut Out Again

TADJIKISTAN - A day after an embarrasing home loss to Dauna Hills, fans of Kericia are grumbling angrily yet again following being on the wrong end of a 3-0 rout in Tadjikistan. The Kerician offense struggled mightily, failing to score, or even earning a chance to score against the Tigers (2-0-0). No substitutions were made in the game despite the slow start.

With the loss, some fans are petitioning for some change, any change that would benefit the winless Kericians. Some are already pointing the finger at coach Robert Friske mere days after a seemingly impressive - now completely worthless - 2 goal win over Lovisa.

Friske remains confident, however. "The game against Dauna Hills... just an aberration in my opinion. As for the game versus Tadjikistan, we played hard, just couldn't catch some breaks. We'll bounce back."

The task doesn't get any easier in the coming days, with matches against Vilita, at Kudlastan, and to round out the tough stretch, a home match against the 10th ranked Starblaydi team. Kericia may steal a win against the Kudlastanis, but after a loss to a team ranked 98th in the world, you never know what will happen next.

Goalscorers:
Kericia - NOBODY
Tadjikistan - Salenko 68', Zuhurov 70', Szarmach 85' (P)

The Aeropag Tribune—Proud supporter of the Capitalizts’ Karelan Initiative

World Cup: Capitalizts held to draw against Casari
TYRELLIA, CASARI—The Capitalizts had all their expectations about this match erased when they took the field at Casari National Stadium in Tyrellia, in front of a sellout crowd of 102 000. First, they expected the game to be played in a nation-state, such as Casari, rather than a sorry state, which is where the game was moved after reports that the Casari team had relocated to one. Then, they discovered that Casari National Stadium has a capacity of 102 000, rather than 102.000:P, as Oliverrian records suggested. And finally, once they took the field, Casari’s normally solid goalkeeper, Salvidore Rooney, was only passable. Because of this, Capitalizts appeared unsure on how to play and their organization was only inadequate. Despite their confusion, Freidel Oheim managed to break through the home team’s defenses in the 34th to become the first Lontorikan to score in World Cup play, giving the Capitalizts a 1–0 lead. Unfortunately for the Capitalizts, Casari’s Ari Saienz, not to be confused with the city of Ari in either Bedistan or Tingitana, equalized in the 39th, bringing the halftime score to 1–1.
The Capitalizts looked almost Karelan for the first 30 minutes of the second half, disappointing many fans who had travelled to the game. This portion of the match was a standoff between the teams, but things were going to get worse for the visitors. Λεμονής Τριανταφυλλίδης needlessly tripped up an opponent, a completely uncalled-for move, earning him a red card. The match ended 1–1, making many Capitalizts sorry they ever entered a sorry state.
Commerce Heights 1 (Oheim 34)
Casari 1 (Saienz 39)—FT

Sirake Tekim: Hejida listeners! You are listening to radio RejisCAST! Your favorite source of news and entertainment in Rejistania. With me today is Takela Si, reporter of the magazine "Hetrika" - or what is the name now?
Takela Si: Hetrika was the first name, it is now "Nilha Raju" for karelan reasons.
ST: Hejida Takela!
TS: Hejida Sirake, Hejida listeners!
ST: What is your impression of this qualifying?
TS: Did the ASR make the group draw? It somehow sounds like that! I mean, redoing an entire first match is...
ST: Rejistanian efficiency?
TS: right, I would have expected it in any tournaments, run by Rejistanis, but Kaze Progressa...
ST: I blame the Audioslavians. I mean, that nation surely has passion, but they lack sobriety!
TS: That is an interesting thesis. But to be honest, from what I know, most work was done by the Progressans.
ST: I don't have that much internal information...
TS: You are a radio moderator and DJ, it's not your job to dig through the trashcans of several FAs and clubs.
ST: This is kidding?
TS: No. It is maybe an interesting detail that on the day of the first group draw, large amounts of Abysmali Hooch were found in the trashcans.
ST: Isn't that highly illegal in Kaze Progressa?
TS: It is, as well as the dope, which I sold.
ST: You sold dope in Kaze Progressa?
TS: Well, from my experience, Progressans yearn to get some excitement, I mean, there country is clean, nearly drug free, has a beautiful environment, but life there is _boring_, you know! That is why a certain kind of progressans likes drugs.
ST: The kind of Progressan who talk to a person digging through trashcans?
TS: Yeah. I did not try to be representative.
ST: What are your comments on the first match?
TS: the first or the "first"?
ST: The first match, which counted.
TS: The Orange-Blues were too attacking! Far too attacking! They scored FIVE times, No wonder they lost the next match against a real opponent, attack means defeat!
ST: So we have better chances with Siki Rej?
TS: We have chances to qualify with Siki Rej, not with Hatime I Ra~e!

OOC: There is a reason why the Caprine keeper's called Ziege. Ask Rejis.

thsd:NEWS
Capricorn Won

KRYTENIA'S World Cup qualification got off to the worst possible start - again. After a false non-start against Nova Britannicus, the Aces travelled to the Caprine States - and left without a point or a goal.

The anthropomorphic goats made one important change from what many regard as their first-choice line-up, putting Zhang Xiaopeng between the sticks. Xiaopeng's Overleague experience showed as the Notegia 'keeper kept Gabe Kennedy et al at bay for the full ninety minutes. A late goal from the rather shaggy haired (furred? - Ed) Ziege settled the tie with three minutes to spare.

CAPRINE STATES - 1
Ziege 87
KRYTENIA - 0


Rocking Robin

MERCIA Bromham's "other" striker turned on the style last night as the Aces won their second qualifier by a convincing three-goal margin. Robin Spivey, who got all the goals while Adrian Belmore got all the Overleague plaudits, stepped out of the Druidan's shadow with a brace against El Cid The Hero.

El Cid started the stronger of the two sides, but the combination of resolute defending and a few good saves from the evergreen James Barcali kept the scoreline at 0-0. Then Spivey got his groove on. A thumping header from a corner on the stroke of half-time was followed by a screamer from twenty yards twelve minutes into the second period. He even had time to set up Gabriel Kennedy for the final goal before the final whistle.

EL CID THE HERO - 0

KRYTENIA - 3
Spivey 45+1, 57
Kennedy 77

SCORERS
R. Spivey: 2
G. Kennedy: 1

QUALIFYING SCHEDULE
MD1: A v CAP L 0-1
MD2: A v ECH W 3-0
MD3: H v ANA ????? (Mellion Lane, Davisham)
MD4: A v NMS ?????
MD5: H v TGD ????? (The Mound, Secklow)
MD6: A v PGJ ?????
MD7: H v NCR ????? (Brecklands, Linford)
MD8: A v BET ?????
MD9: H v TON ????? (Sixways Stadium, Avidia)
MD10: H v CAP ????? (Oxley Park, Everton City)
MD11: H v ECH ????? (Mercia Stadium, Bromham)
MD12: A v ANA ?????
MD13: H v NMS ????? (Denbigh Park, Ousevale)
MD14: A v TGD ?????
MD15: H v PGJ ????? (Walton Gardens, Simpson)
MD16: A v NCR ?????
MD17: H v BET ????? (Davis Memorial Stadium, Everton City)
MD18: A v TON ?????

Karela doesn't work in Vanguard, Vikings rout System Karela

After a rough and disappointing loss, the Vikings were looking homeward for some redemption. Siieranu Ijanaeil brought Fmjphoenix just what was needed. Not only did he score his first senior side goal, but he scored three of them for his first senior hattrick and Nolan scored another goal in the closing minutes of the match as the Vikings put 3 points up with a 4-0 victory over System Karela.

The stadium was packed full to the brim with fans ready for the first home match. The match started right away real fast for the Vikings, Ijanaeil scored the first goal right on the dot on the 5th minute. A quick cross by Nolan to Daniels saw him and Ijanaeil alone at with the keeper, a fake and a pass gave Ijanaeil a easy tap for the 1-0 lead. System Karela's many defenders just could not contend. Ten minutes later Ijanaeil slammed home a penelty from a mean challenge from a defender. Barely 15 minutes into the match, 2-0 was the score and the crowd was wild. The fans were so wild and restless, play had to be suspended for 10 minutes as security worked on chasing down a streaking fan. Nolan happened to be the person who helped stop the fan, as he kicked the ball right into the back of the fan and he tumbled down onto the ground long enough for security to catch him and escort him out of the stadium. Finally, when play resumed, Ijanaeil still had another goal left in the half. But it wasn't until much later, as Coach Wash just had his team play back and let System Karela play around and do what they want. And what they did was a whole lot of nothing. The ball never even was a eyelash over midfield until Ijanaeil decided to take things himself. Andrew Jenkins knocked the ball away from one of the 2 midfielders. Ijanaeil recovered the loose ball and used his magnifigant speed to outplay all 7 defenders that were in front of him, the best looking move when he lobbed the ball up and did a front-flip over a sliding defender. It took him about 10 minutes of acrobats and speed, but he alone took on the entire System Karela defense and showed them what it meants to score a goal. Ijanaeil's spectacular show ended with a beautifully exceuted sicsors kick from the ball being hit off of the goal post and right through the keepers arms for the 3-0 lead. The crowd went berzerk with cheers. You couldn't even hear yourself think it was so loud. The match convened at the half with the crowd giving Ijanaeil a standing ovation for his hattrick in the first half.

The second half was much more Karelan, as the ball was mostly on the System Karelan side of the field. It wasn't even until the Vikings decided to take the ball in the last ten minutes. After a flurry of challenged from the Vikings midfield, Nolan somehow manages to take the ball and chip one in over a rushing keeper for a 4-0 lead right before time was over. The crowd at Vikings Stadium were estatic that their team had shut down the 'suposed' defensive experts. Now that the Vikings got the first win tucked away, the team will be more relaxed. With one of the youngest teams they have had compete, they have a lot of anxious youth ready to show what they can do.

Fmjphoenix: 4 - System Takil: 0

Ijanaeil 5, 15, 41, Nolan 90 - None

Fmjphoenix Vikings
World Cup 25 Qualification Schedule
MD01: Fmjphoenix @ Druida 1-3 Loss
MD02: Fmjphoenix vs System Karela 4-0 Win
MD03: Fmjphoenix @ Israel4Ever
MD04: Fmjphoenix vs Alan Shearer Heaven
MD05: Fmjphoenix @ Milchama
MD06: Fmjphoenix vs Limbrogidlia
MD07: Fmjphoenix @ Oglethorpia
MD08: Fmjphoenix vs Liverpool England
MD09: Fmjphoenix @ Ariddia
---------------------------------------
MD10: Fmjphoenix vs Druida
MD11: Fmjphoenix @ System Karela
MD12: Fmjphoenix vs Israel4Ever
MD13: Fmjphoenix @ Alan Shearer Heaven
MD14: Fmjphoenix vs Milchama
MD15: Fmjphoenix @ Limbrogidila
MD16: Fmjphoenix vs Oglethorpia
MD17: Fmjphoenix @ Liverpool England
MD18: Fmjphoenix vs Ariddia
---------------------------------------
Record: 1-0-1

Viking Goalscorers:
Ijanaeil 3
Nolan 2

Gregory Vidal took his seat in the dugout and looked around. The ground was filling up nicely. There were empty seats in the away section but otherwise the Drissa Sports Arena was packed to the rafters. There would be 48,000 fans in attendance, around 47,500 of them would be cheering on the home side. But there was tension in the stands, Hypocria’s assistant coach could feel it. He’d noticed it with the players too. Hell, he was bloody tense himself. The HFA had promised improvements after the humiliations of the last campaign. They had hired a World Cup winning coach, invested in new training facilities and increased the player’s performance bonuses but now was the time for the team to deliver results.

Their first match had been impressive, a good point picked up in Jeruselem. But it was the home games from the last campaign that had stuck in the memory, embarrassing and costly home defeats to unranked sides. Fours years ago this was just the kind of fixture the Hyppos would have lost. Now the public would see whether the promised improvements were there.

Alemeinia weren’t just unranked, they were totally unknown. Vidal had tried to find even very basic information on tonight’s opponents to help the team’s preparation. He had found nothing and that made him nervous. Clearly his boss didn’t feel the same way. Dave Wilson, national coach of Hypocria, was looking relaxed ahead of what was his first competitive match on home soil. He was sharing a joke with an interviewer from his native Sarzonia. The film crew had been shadowing him all day. Sarzonia still showed an interest in their former coach. In fact the fans in Sarzonia’s capital of Woodstock would be treated to a double feature. There game was almost over but after it the fans would be treated to live coverage of the Hypocria match. “I hope we give them a good show”, Vidal thought to himself.

Fortunately they did. Andrei Shirko netted the first with a glancing header from Baxter’s pinpoint ball into the box. On 30 minutes it was 2 – 0, midfielder Alex Rytter broke unmarked into the penalty area to turn in Bercali’s centre. But with seconds left in the half the old demons emerged. Poskas played a loose back pass, letting in an Alemeinia attacker. Black and Diabang both challenged the forward who sprawled over in the penalty area. Penalty given. Kindelan guessed the right way but the kick was too well placed. Despite Hypocria dominating for much of the half the sides went in at the break separated by a single goal.

The crowd were much more subdued at the start of the second half, probably fearing another embarrassing home defeat to a side ranked in the 200s. That needn’t have worried as the Hyppos produced a solid performance after the interval, capped by Ashley Marshall’s goal with fifteen minutes left to seal the win.


Qualification Schedule

Jeruselem v Hypocria (1 - 1)
Hypocria v Alemeinia (Drissa Sports Arena, Drissa) (3 - 1)
Giant Zucchini v Hypocria
Jacobian Tribes v Hypocria
Hypocria v San-Lorenzo (Oceanside Stadium, Pylos)
Kunar v Hypocria
Hypocria v Oaker (Hyppodrome, Hypocrium)
Chicanada v Hypocria
Hypocria v Nova Britannicus (Oceanside Stadium, Pylos)
Hypocria v Jeruselem (Hyppodrome, Hypocrium)
Alemeinia v Hypocria
Hypocria v Giant Zucchini (Hyppodrome, Hypocrium)
Hypocria v Jacobian Tribes (Drissa Sports Arena, Drissa)
San-Lorenzo v Hypocria
Hypocria v Kunar (Reef Stadium, Coral City)
Oaker v Hypocria
Hypocria v Chicanada (Hyppodrome, Hypocrium)
Nova Britannicus v Hypocria

Squornshelous Squeaks Past The Macabees

One goal by Franz Persson deicdes the match
No one knew it then, but when you look back at the match, it's easy to see that it was over in the space of a few seconds. Paulus of the Macabees had mishandled a pass, and Yanni Zikov, the veteran midfielder had jumped on it like a hawk. He found Persson standing just behind the defense, whose trap was not set up yet, and hit him witha through ball. Persson recieved it in the box and goalkeeper Derik Vander dove to deflcet it, smacking the ball up and out of place. It seemed to roll up and over his fingers and it arched, coming back down and to the left, to finally pass just under the crossbar. The rest of the match was taken up with battles in midfield, as Squornshelous struggled to find their form and The Macabees frantically tried to put in the tying marker.

Final Score:
Squornshelous 1-0 The Macabees

Scoring Summary:
SQ: Persson [53]

What just happened?

Pschychoes over Orange-Blues?
It's happened once or twice before, but certainly wasn't the expected result today. A shutout was actually quite likely, but it was assumed by most that the Squornshelan strikers would be the ones frustrated at the end of the day. Not that there are any Rejistanian strikers. Whatever the cause, whch could have been some confusion on the Rejistanian side caused by excessive attacking in their first match, or pehaps a deficiency of va'karela'ny in the area (such objects are not permitted in Squornshelous, and customs had to temporarily confiscate several that were found in the possession of the Rejistanian team and their supporters).
The game began on a very odd note, as the Rejistanians seemed a little halfhearted about their commiment to defense. On one occasion, a coordianted three man attack had to be stopped by the Squornshelan defense. This confusion opened the door for Squornshelous to laucnh counter attacks, something that your typical Rejistanian is not used to seeing. If a team never attacks in the first place, how can they be prepared to defend a counter attack? As counter attacks happen to be one of the Pschychoes specialties, this technique opened the door for the first goal of the match. Following one of the halfhearted Rejistanian attacks, Yanni Zikov intecepted a pass and quickly sent the ball forward. This was a golden opportunity for the Squornshelan strikers, as there were only seven defenders back at the time. After some superb moves and passes made between Persson, Ogbadan and Thorsen, who were all forward at the time, Persson found himself with a shot on net, and took it, however, the goalkeeper made a perfect sive to deflect it. Unfortunately for him, the ball came right to the feet of Ogbadan, who tapped it in. The second goal came soon after that, concding probably added to the confusion. Persson and Ogbadan managed to pick their way through the defense again and this time, Perssons shot went in.
Halftime saved the Orange-Blues, and they came out very strong in the second, but weren't able to generate enough offense to score.

Final Score:
Squornshelous 2-0 Rejistania

Scoring Summary:
SQ: Ogbadan [39]
SQ: Persson [44]


OOC: correct me if I'm wrong but the roster thread seems to have disappeared in the forum issues we had. I can't find it at least.

GROUP 5
Sarzonia 5 Kylaai 0
PopularFreedom 1 Bakostrovia 2
Crystilakere 4 Spookyville 0
Ruventsoria 1 Euroslavia 1
Jon Parkin 0 Five Civilized Nations 2

"We'll settle for a Tie, for now."

The Euroslavia Titans pulled together and kept in the game until the end, making a tie against their opponents, Ruventsoria. After their first game, the Titans were bent on proving that their team had improved over the off season, and that they were going to put up much more of a fight than in previous matches. Despite the failure to win the match, the players and even the head coach was satisfied in getting a tie out of this. It shows that the team really is making some sort of turn around. If this match-up had occurred a few years ago, there would be no question that Euroslavia would have lost.

The Titan defense stayed solid for the first half of the game, rejecting any attempt at a goal from its opponents; however, in the second half, its' defense had lost its touch. The players simply weren't playing as good as they did in the first half, and it seemed like each player was on their own individual team. At the 56th minute, Ruventsoria scored their first goal, putting the game at 1-0. This was the kind of scenario that the Titan's needed to pull it together and at least make some sort of comeback. Their offense seemed as if they were fueled on some sort of drug immediately after the goal against their team put them down by a goal, because they were constantly on the attack. Moving towards their opponents goal, the Titan offense pushed into their territory and launched the ball repeatedly at the goalie, who seemed to be perfect in not allowing the ball into the net; however, Phillip Frazier deflected a shot at the last minute while the goalie had already dived towards where he thought the ball was going, and hit the other side of the net putting the game at a 1-1 tie in the 76th minute.

After this goal, each side went back and forth, trying to seize a victory in any sort of desperate attempt; but neither would succeed with the match ending in a 1-1 tie.

"This was definitely a tough match, and I think that our team has definitely shown how serious it is in proving itself among the rest of the teams in Group 5. I can guarantee that you can expect more out of these kids in the future. Meanwhile, we're going to continue on with the new drills that we all came up with between each of the two matches played, and continue to work as hard as we possibly can. We'll settle for a tie, for now." the Head Coach said after the match.

PALADINS CLAW ONE OUT OVER TONISSIA

Two first-half goals carry NMS to home win

TONISSIA - After a road draw at Bettia, the Paladins built on their solid start with a 2-1 win at the Paladin Dome over Tonissia.

Andre Lehillard and Bertrand Lagacé scored in the first half as the Paladins midfield continued their solid performance, controlling the flow of the game in the second half. However, after the break, hubris struck.

"Our noses got a bit too high there," said coach William Branstone. "And the Tonissians jumped on us," with a goal in the 58th minute when a nimble cross pass caught the Paladins napping and the Tonissian forward smacked one right past a diving Clifford Jacobs.

Jacobs put in an otherwise spectacular effort, with 15 saves on the night, compensating for a shaky defense. "Remy [Lechasseur] hurt himself, and [his twin brother] Maxime was a bit unused to playing with Pete [Sellers, who replaced Remy on defense]," commented Branstone. "Remy'll be back for our next game against these guys, and I'm really starting to warm to this rotating teams deal. If we only had one team, this injury would have really messed up our chances for the next game, but hey, we got a new defense for the Caprine States."

The Paladins travel there for their next match against a rising powerhouse that knocked off world #6 Krytenia 1-0. Could get messy real quick.

Chi Sun-Times-Tribune-Star-News-Today

Sports Section

Second time playing first time losing

The Milchama Warriors lost today to the same team they drew in the same venue only two weeks ago, the Oglethorpia Ostriches. This 2-1 loss came at the heels of a 1-0 loss to Limbrogdilia, putting the Warriors with 0 points thru the first two games. Coach Jonathan Fairbanks said, "We dug ourselves a hole here no doubt. I think we can get out of that hole if we work hard and apply ourselves but it will not be easy. At the beginning of the campaign it looked like an uphill battle to qualify now the more we lose the tougher it gets." Now because we like the baseball better the daily rendition of how they scored from our announcer friend (Marlus Thomas):

26th minute: Oglethorpia with the ball. Generic 5th midfielder has done very well tonight as he comes down the right flank past Milckey as he crosses the ball Thompson up above everybody and easily puts the cross away but Right To The Foot Of BILLIAM CHRISTMAS JR. He Shoots, PAST KOOLERC AND INSIDE THE FAR POST GOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOAL !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!. 1-0 Oglethorpia.
45th Minute: It's close to halftime and the Warriors are looking for the equalizer Rintell, forward and looking for Flinters but can't find him, as he gets the ball stolen and the Ostriches are on the attack but that's the half time whistle 1-0 Oglethorpia at the break.
58th minute: The Warriors have been dominating so far this second half. Kunalin has been key as he moves the ball around, this time to Darian Flinters on the left. Flinters comes forward on one of his trade mark speed dashes, past one man, two men now three no he looks in the box and there is Floren he passes in Floren BEATS HIS MARKER SHOOTS AND ITS A TIE GAME 1-1. The Warriors have tied it up in the 58th minute.
83rd Minute: Christmas Jr. looking for Kremlov or Generic 5th Midfielder. But instead he's forced to Memorable and Memorable quickly switches field to 5th Midfielder, who shoots and its saved by Koolerc but he's given up a rebound AND KREMLOV IS FIRST TO THE REBOUND OH NO 2-1 Oglethorpia takes the lead. Bad bread there as the defenders all seemed frozen in their places and almost let Kremlov have that ball. 2-1 to Oglethorpia.
Final Score:
Milchama 1 (Floren 58)
Oglethorpia 2 (Christmas Jr. 26 Kremlov 83)

THE ARCHREGIMANCY BRINGS YOU

WORLD CUP TONIGHT

With Fr. Nicholas the Scribe and Fr. John the Golden-Throated

"So, Fr. John... Pastorville.... Heretical Evangelical Protestant ministers... Their first World Cup... We were playing at home... coming off an easy 2-0 win against the Solar Association... So.... an easy win for us, right?"

"Well, Fr. Nicholas, I can attest to the fact that it was a splendid moral victory in every regard, as the home crowd took every opportunity to remind the heretics of the error of their ways, and to invite them to learn of the fullness of Right Belief. Pre-match confusion over whether they were mainstream evangelicals or separatist fundamentalists was soon set aside as trivial once the crowd agreed that all western heretics are essentially minor offshoots of the Catholic freemason conspiracy anyway."

"So we won the match?"

"As I said, a splendid moral victory"

"I just can't shake the nagging feeling that there's something you're not telling me, Fr. John"

"Well, Fr. Nicholas, let's put it this way... is the best path to salvation always the smoothest? Is it not sometimes necessary to suffer in order for the soul to grow through understanding? Was not our Saviour's moment of most terrible defeat also his moment of greatest triumph?"

"So, you're trying to tell me we drew. Against Pastorville"

"Ummmm.... I repeat... Was not our Saviour's moment of most terrible defeat also his moment of greatest triumph?"

"Oh."

"The good news, Fr. Nicholas, is that our defence was magnificent for once, holding out for almost 80 minutes until Pastorville scored a lucky goal off a corner. The ball swung in, took a deflection off some heretic called Rev. Harris, and slipped past a stranded Fr. Justinian - that Harris heretic hardly knew what hit him.

The bad news is that out attack was completely out of sorts. The normally reliable Fr. Silouan seemed distracted, Fr. Pavel's wanderings were unusually aimless, and Fr. Nicholas the Hermit seemed to have fasted a little too fervently in the lead up to the match. It was as if they had decided not just to humble themselves before the Lord, but also to humble the entire team before an expectant nation."

"And so we lost. To Pastorville. At Home."

"'Fraid so, Fr. Nicholas."

"Mark 15:34"

"Eloi, Eloi, Lama Sabachthani indeed...."

ON BEHALF OF ALASDAIR I FROSTICUS

THE HOLY EMPIRE HERALD

PLAGUE-RAVAGED SQUAD WINS SECOND MATCH IN A ROW
Basileus said to be 'suprised, but pleased'

By Constantine Ducaso
Archregimancy correspondent


Football supporters across the Holy Empire, including the Basileus himself, reacted with both surprise and pleasure upon discovering that the national team - forced to play home matches in the Archregimancy due to post-plague quarantine restrictions - had won their second match in a row against the little-known and unspellable Michael Stricklandttttt.

Particular satisfaction was expressed by HEFA officials in that - unlike in the previous match against Revolutionarian Island - the team had not had to rely on the intimidating tactics of right-winger Romanus Ducaso, who took to the pitch wearing a straight-jacket and hockey mask in an attempt by team officials to control the convicted murderer's more violent tendencies.

The only goal of the match was scored in the 52 minute by Attilio Diocles, whose comical first attempt at a shot resulted in the ball flying risibly wide, bouncing off the corner flag, right back into the penalty area, where a wrong-footed opposing defence could only stand and watch the ball bounce off a confused Diocles' left buttock and dribble across the goalline.

Coach Juan Tzimisces later noted "I can't understand it. Despite our general incompetence and hilariously inept play, we've somehow managed to win both of our first two matches - which is more than our hosts in the Archregimancy have managed. At this point I'm in serious danger of losing the 2000 nomismatas I bet on our finishing last in the group. Talk about mixed feelings".

Despite this unexpected early success, HEFA officials are still expecting the team to do incredibly poorly in its upcoming matches.

Chicanada Daily Rabbler
Lookit! We snuck in!

Kodiaks Get Rather Confused, Dropped In A New Group, Had A Different Match Happen, Then Get Stomped On.

Ok, follow us.

Chicanada opened with a Group 2 victory over Arrida.

Now we apparently won over Kunar in Group 4.

Who? We have no idea. What we do know is whatever is going on (yay redraws) threw the Kodiaks off as they were trampled 4-0 by Oaker, giving the Kodiaks a 1-0-1 Record in Group 4.

No comments from the Kodiak side, as they were attempting to solve their confusion.

The Rabbler has the following teams currently in Group 4...provided no other re-draw occurs:

Oaker
Chicanada
Nova Britannicus
Jeruselem
Alemeinia
Giant Zucchini
Hypocria
San-Lorenzo
Kunar
Jacobian Tribes

The Kodiaks might be more screwed out of a Finals slot than they were originall, with Nova Britannicus and Oaker all but certainly locks with Jeruselem, Giant Zucchini, the Kodiaks and those dreaded Hypocrians in the draw. ChicanadaSun, even the optimist, has us as a third team in with Nova out and Jeruselem in behind Oaker. Sky and Ashley Standard have the Kodiaks comming in 5th, with Oaker, Nova and Jeruselem getting in and Zucchini just missing it. The CFA Report has the Kodiaks in 6th, behind all the major players as well as Hypocria.

The Rabbler:

1. Oaker
2. Nova Britannicus
3. Chicanada
4. Giant Zucchini
5. Jeruselem
6. Hypocria
7. San-Lonrenzo
8. Alemania
9. Kunar
10. Jacobian Tribes

Yes, we're even thinking the Kodiaks have a shot, especially with the noisy Astur Depot Centre being used along with the National Square and Douala Palace. Sure, it'll take a miracle to see this one happen, but who knows!

Chicanadan Qualifier Schedule (with most locations locked in this time)
MD1: v Kunar (W 3-0)
MD2: @ Oaker (L 4-0)
MD3: v Jacobian Tribes (@ Highlands Regional Fair, Middlesborough)
MD4: v Nova Britannicus (@ Douala Central Palace Stadia)
MD5: @ Jeruselem
MD6: v Alemeinia (@ Governess Palace, Colombo)
MD7: @ Giant Zucchini
MD8: v Hypocria (@ Cananite Pavilion)
MD9: @ San-Lorenzo
MD10: @ Kunar
MD11: v Oaker (@ Southampton National Square)
MD12: @ Jacobian Tribes
MD13: @ Nova Britannicus
MD14: v Jeruselem (@ Astur Depot Centre)
MD15: @ Alemeinia
MD16: v Giant Zucchini (@ Lis Stadia, Acadia)
MD17: @ Hypocria
MD18: v San-Lorenzo (@ Mogada Arena)

Group 4 Standings:

W D L GF GA GA PTS
1. Oaker 2 0 0 6 0 +6 6
2. Nova Britannicus 2 0 0 4 0 +4 6
3. Jeruselem 1 1 0 4 2 +2 4
3. Hypocria 1 1 0 4 2 +2 4
5. Alemania 1 0 1 2 3 -1 3
5. Chicanada 1 0 1 3 4 -1 3
7. Giant Zucchini 0 1 1 1 2 -2 1
7. Jacobian Tribes 0 1 1 1 3 -2 1
9. Kunar 0 0 2 0 4 -4 0
10.San-Lonrenzo 0 0 2 1 6 -5 0

Conures Grounded by Dots

Following their opening day victory, the Conures were brought back down after a 3-2 home defeat by One Red Dot.

It was case of so near yet so far, as Hurfordia raced into a 2-0 half time lead against their more experienced opponents. The Hurfordia midfield in particular was strong, with new boy Wotton running his wing and delivering some excellent crosses. Inside the first two minutes, Wotton slipped his marker and played a swerving cross into the area. Sargeant was first to the ball, and his powerful header found the net.

Hurfordia pushed forward from there, dominating midfield. Sulla went close with a dipping shot that was parried, but it was another new boy, Marcus Cato who was in the team to replace the injured Holsworthy, who scored the second with a thuderous drive from all of 25 yards whichleft the keeper an interested spectator.

Hurfordia nearly put the game beyond their opponents just after half time as Cato ran onto a Denning through ball and slipped it into the net. Immediately the linesman's flag went up for offside. The Hurfordian team surrounded the referee to protest, but the goal was ruled out, although replays suggest that the linesman made a mistake.

That narrow escape seemed to fire One Red Dot, who immediately went to work. Within a minute they had scored their first, a clever piece of wing play leading to a cross and stunning finish. The game then began to bog down in midfield, with neither side really goijng for the win, until the last ten minutes. As a ball was played into the area, it seemed to hit Hopkins on the arm. The referee gave a penalty, wich was dispatched for the equaliser. From there, it was Hurfordia on the back foot, as One Red Dot drove forward in numbers. Their pressure was rewarded in the second minute of injury time, as Woods failed to clear a rebound, which was tucked away for the winner.

Team

Sedley; Robson, Woods, Hopkins, Wells; Wotton, Denning, La Salle, Sulla; Cato, Sargeant

Scorers

Sargeant 2', Cato 27'

Canucks Stun TnUI

We were told we'd get rocked- they were wrong. Bets were placed on us losing badly- they were wrong. Our staff thought we'd win- they were wrong. But it wasn't all that bad when we managed to pull off a 0-0 draw against projected top-place finishers Total n Utter Insanity. The Canucks flew there shortly after the game against Spaam to see how they'd match up against a tough Total n Utter Insanity squad- and they didn't disappoint.

Hockey Canada started off with their usual 7-2-1 karelan-style formation. This was nothing new to Total n Utter Insanity coaching staff or fans when they saw from the opening kickoff. Defenseman were lined up in a different fashion however, an interesting intregrated pattern seemed right to keep the Total n Utter Insanity attack away. It turned out to be a blessing.

Boring? Yes, the game indeed was. But it did get the Canucks the point they needed against the strogn side. Defence and Thomas did their jobs to complete the game despite hardly any attacking from the Canucks. Today's game will be against an even tougher opponent- Eauz. The only other team besides Total n Utter Insanity excpected to finish above the Hockey Canadians. A win? A point would be nice, but 3 would be better.

MD1: Hockey Canada 1 - 1 Spaam
MD2: Total n Utter Insanity 0 - 0 Hockey Canada (Globen Arena-Stadium)
MD3: Hockey Canada @ Eauz
MD4: Da WhoseLine People @ Hockey Canada (Globen Arena-Stadium)
MD5: Hockey Canada @ Adam Island
MD6: Yafor 2 @ Hockey Canada (Globen Arena-Stadium)
MD7: Hockey Canada @ Andossa Se Mitrin Vega
MD8: Hockey Canada @ RyukyuDaitoKazanNampo
MD9: Nedalia @ Hockey Canada (Globen Arena-Stadium)
MD10: Spaam @ Hockey Canada (Irkutsk)
MD11: Hockey Canada @ Total n Utter Insanity
MD12: Eauz @ Hockey Canada (Irkutsk)
MD13: Hockey Canada @ Da WhoseLine People
MD14: Adam Island @ Hockey Canada (Anadyr)
MD15: Hockey Canada @ Yafor 2
MD16: Andossa Se Mitrin Vega @ Hockey Canada (Globen Arena-Stadium)
MD17: RyukyuDaitoKazanNampo @ Hockey Canada (Anadyr)
MD18: Hockey Canada @ Nedalia

"Well, Sport now, with Eric Tree..."

"Yes, and Druida have kept their solid start to qualifying up with a victory over Limbrogidlia at The Hole. The only goal of the match came from Adrian Belmore after this passing move from a throw in stunned the visitors defence. It means that the rainbows are now one of just two teams at the top of Group Three on maxi..."

"I'll have to stop you there, Eric, as reports are coming into the DruidNews studios that solid evidence has been found that has linked President Ellis to the alcoholic terrorists the Free Alcoholic Army. We can't tell you any more at this moment in time, but we'll interrupt programmes to bring you the very latest as it gets to us. For now, though, back to Eric."

"Well, there was intrigue at the ChemindusArena last night..."

Eighty two minutes had passed since the opening kickoff of the match between Sarzonia and Five Civilized Nations and Brian Wilson was still on the sidelines warming up. The Stars were playing sluggish football throughout, somehow stumbling into a 1-0 lead courtesy of an own goal in the 39th minute, but a rare mistake from goalkeeper Horace Sandt saw Five Civilized Nations draw level just as first half stoppage time began.

The longtime Sarzonian forward was "pretty much over" his sprained knee suffered in the opening match against Jon Parkin, but he had just started to warm up in the 70th minute and Coach Barry Owens had already made two substitutions, and both were defensive. The Stars were trying desperately to keep Five Civilized Nations off the scoresheet and take one valuable point from the away fixture and the home side were getting the better of the match.

Finally, Owens got the stoppage in play he wanted, a throw in for Five Civilized Nations in the Sarzonia end. Midfielder Jenna Raven trudged off the pitch and Wilson finally jogged on to the cheers of the small Sarzonian contingent in attendance.

The move was little more than psychological, an effort to allow Sarzonia to reclaim some of its form heading into its next match at home. If it were an effort to win the match and steal two standings points from a deserving Five Civilized Nations, it didn't work as planned, as the Stars' attacks were thwarted by a determined host. However, if Owens were looking to create a spark for his lads, it seemed to do just that.

The final whistle sounded just 12 minutes after Wilson entered the match for the first time since his injury. Unfortunately for a Stars team hell-bent on getting three points in every contest, it wasn't meant to happen on hostile ground on this day. But for the Stars, it was a statement that their emotional centre was back from an extended time on the mend. That would have to be enough for the world's top ranked side on this day.

SARZONIA Own goal, 39
FIVE CIVILIZED NATIONS Unknown player, 45+

Jeruselem Government News

Attack of the Killer Veges

Hypocria were looking good and played Giant Zucchini on match day 3 of the World Cup 25. They were expected to win, but Giant Zucchini had other ideas. In fact Giant Zucchini stomped all over Hypocria in a 5-1 win - the shock of the day. The veges move to 6th while Hypocria slump back to 7th.

Nova Britannicus took on super-duper Oaker (it rhymes, you see) in a big game. Nova Britannicus earned some respect getting an 1 ALL draw against the 8th seed and they are 3rd on the table. Oaker are still top dog on goal difference.

Chicanada bounced back from it's 4-0 hiding by Oaker with a 2-1 win over Jacobian Tribes. While not exactly a trashing, it's still a win and valuable 3 points for the team. They are 4th while the tribes are 8th.

Kunar had the fun task of playing Jeruselem and as expected lost. Jeruselem won 3-1 to stay 2nd behind Oaker, ahead of a pack of teams with 6 points and stay ahead of the Poms.

Alemeinia got it's second win. Yes, doing well as they beat San-Lorenzo 2-1 to keep up with the Oakers and Jeruselems.

A look at the Group 4 table - 3 teams with 7 points (2 wins, 1 draw). Oaker, Jeruselem and Nova Britannicus lead the way so far. Chicanada and Alemeinia are 1 point behind with 6 points as they both have 2 wins each. Giant Zucchini and Hypocria are hanging in with 4 point each while the bottom 3 are winless with 1 point between themselves.

GROUP 4
Chicanada 2 Jacobian Tribes 1
Nova Britannicus 1 Oaker 1
Jeruselem 3 Kunar 1
Alemeinia 2 San-Lorenzo 1
Giant Zucchini 5 Hypocria 1


GROUP 4
Pos Team P W D L F A GD Pts
1 Oaker 3 2 1 0 7 1 6 7
2 Jeruselem 3 2 1 0 7 3 4 7
3 Nova Brittanicus 3 2 1 0 5 1 4 7
4 Chicanada 3 2 0 1 5 5 0 6
5 Alemeinia 3 2 0 1 4 4 0 6
6 Giant Zucchini 3 1 1 1 6 3 3 4
7 Hypocria 3 1 1 1 5 7 -2 4
8 Jacobian Tribes 3 0 1 2 2 5 -3 1
9 San-Lorenzo 3 0 0 3 2 8 -6 0
10 Kunar 3 0 0 3 1 7 -6 0

Svecia Wipes the Floor with The Macabees

It what's considered the largest debacle in international football for the Macabee team to date, although considering that they've only played in the Baptism of Fire before this, Svecia pummeled the Macabee team into the ground five to zero, shattering any dreams the team held to be positioned where their world rank in general would rise substantially. In fact, most now think that the rank will remain either the same, or will rise maybe ten placements, but nothing as drastic as thought before. Three of the five goals were scored in the first half, under goalkeeper Derik Vander, so this time around blame has not been placed on the hands of goalkeeper Kahn who had played second half, so he will be able to play next game as well. It has been regarded that as a team Svecia has improved and their win over the Macabees is seen as a clear mark of superiority and even proof of Svecia's advance through international rank, since they had scored more points than a team that was considered superior, Squornshelous.

The Macabees is now rank ninth in the group, coming before Andrasuvare only because of the fact that Andrasuvare has a worse goal difference. Eight is The Solar Association, a team that The Macabees is hoping to defeat, giving them their first three points, on matchday seven, four days from today, and another victory is expected against Andrasuvare, helping out The Macabee plight a bit as well, although with the Crendonia match The Macabee national team has learned not to hope for too much or it may come back and kick them in the face. Should every thing go to the least expectations The Macabee team will end this World Cup eighth in their group, not hoping to surpass Brazillico, which is most likely a much better team.

In terms of the group in general Svecia remains first, while Squornshelous is second, two teams that have defeated The Macabees. The Archregimancy is third, while classic foe Pastorville is outstandingly fourth, and Rejistania is fifth. Sixth is the The Lowland Clans . However, under close investigation, Pastorville has defeated teams like Andrasuvare, although true enough, they also defeated The Archregimancy by one point. It is to say, The Macabee's hopes to exceed Pastorville in rank seem like pipedreams, and it's most likely that the Pastorville National Team will excel much more than The Macabees. Nonetheless, Mannerheim had said that the team will not let down throughout the World Cup.

In terms of advancing ranks, the team directly to the forefront of the Macabees, Fimple Loving People, hasn't even made a presence, and neither has Nova Mercia or the Belmore Family or Collonie. Kudlastan, rank 142, directly ten ranks above The Macabees, is doing much better than the Macabees, but the next twelve nations in front haven't made a presence this world cup, and if The Macabees gets lucky perhaps they can rise that much in ranking, putting then in the 140s or 130s, although some still consider it a long shot. Regardless, at least the team will advance, even if it's just a small bit; but it does offer some minimal consolidation.

Tomorrow, The Macabees play The Archregimancy, and hopefully something as miraculous as Pastorville's victory over them will happen for The Macabees, although some doubt that. Nonetheless, Mannerheim was said that the team will apply the mistakes done throughout the Svecia game, solve them, and play a much better defense and offensive than they did against Svecia, providing them with what they need to either win or tie the next game. Matchday five will be against Pastorville, and that game will decide the ranking. The six day will see The Macabees play The Lowland Clans, and that game is not expected to go well, while day seven will be against The Solar Association, a hopeful victory. The eight will be against Rejistania, which is going to be another slaughter, while the ninth will be against Adrasuvare, a hopeful win. From there on out it will be the same succession of teams, only home court reversed, although the same outcome has been foreseen. The goals of World Cup 25 for the team have been lowered to just ending it seventh in the group; hopefully, their prayers will be fulfilled.

Only destiny will tell.

Casari4sport

Hideous Disaster of a World Cup Continues
Worse failures by others keep Casari in 8th on the tables

A loss to Cockbill street on Matchday Three leaves Casari in the ever-worsening position of having one Point, 8 behind the group leaders and only suspended that high by the continuing misfortune of Revolutionarian Island and Michael Stricklandttttt to keep them out of dead last. Morale among the team is continuing to fall, however the outlook isn't so grim as the past patterns would indicate.

"Our next two games are against the only two teams performing worse than us in this competition, after which we have a more difficult game against early leaders Praying2God and shock performers Alasdair I Frosticus before facing the two-footers at Casari National." GMC Hill said to the press.

"There's no need to panic. The most difficult part of our schedule is over and now we have a good set of games where we should and will be more successful."

In the meantime, Fan sentiment is nearing an all time low, with many people instead tuning into Casari's matches in the Cherry Cup of Hockey, which after the Casaran bid failed to win is taking place in Oliverry and Hockey Canada. "To be honest, I'd much prefer to watch something that Casari can actually win at." A fan said to reporters outside the stadium after our latest loss. Television ratings have fallen to near all-time lows after the renewed chances of Casari in both the Cherry Cup, and matches being shown against the National Air Races.

"Planes flying in circles is much better than seeing our defenders get destroyed by other nation's top strikers."

The Aeropag Tribune Special Issue—with expanded business section for World Religion Day

World Cup: Capitalizts out-bribe Corruptomaniacs in capitalizt showdown
NATESTADT, LT—In an unusual turn of events, 127 205 Corruptomaniac spectators had found their way to Auswärtssieg Arena, despite the heavy rain. The Capitalizts knew to expect attempts at influencing the officials. What they did not expect was that unlike the Capitalizts, Corruptomania has no gift for subtlety. After only one minute of play, Corruptomaniac #9, who was clearly offside, tossed an 2-ounce bar of gold at the Oliverrian referee and lined up his shot. An excellent save by Davis Teel made it absolutely clear that the score should still be 0–0, but the referee caved in to the pressure and gave Corruptomania its first goal of the game. The Capitalizts were beginning to fear that Auswärtssieg Arena might live up to its name, but Σιημητράς Φάνης (Siemetrás Phánes) slipped XAU 5 into the referee's pocket in the 28th minute, allowing Dave Christopher, substituting for the suspended Λεμονής Τριανταφυλλίδης (Lemonés Triantaphullídes), to convert on an offside shot of his own for the equalizer. The Capitalizts went into the halftime break with some confidence, though they knew there was much to be done if they were to break their 1–1 draw streak. “I’m happy to report that the CHEAT Alliance has decided to give you all a five-ounce bonus for this game,” said Paul Iñaki at halftime. “Use it wisely.”
And they did. In the 59th minute, 채기소 (Chae Gi-so) used his bonus to convince the officials to look the other way as he slapped Corruptomaniac #4 out of the way, clearing the way for his 2–1 goal. Corruptomaniac #7 threw 10 one-ounce pieces, the largest bribe made during a World Cup match, into the air, causing chaos as he tried to punch in an equalizer. However, the Capitalizts were able to snatch the gold off the field in time to pull back into a Karelan 3–4–3, and managed to stop his advance. Eddy Rea put the game away in the 76th minute, using a similar distraction tactic to knock home the 3–1 goal.
After the match, Iñaki defended his actions. “The monetary incentives we gave to the officials were purely defensive. If we hadn’t responded to their ridiculous bribes, we wouldn’t have had a chance to win the match.” WCC officials are supposedly looking into the corruption displayed by both sides on the field, but it is unlikely that any action will be taken against the teams.
Commerce Heights 3 (Christopher 28, 채기소 59, Rea 76)
Corruptomania 1 (Corrputomaniac #9 1)—FT

Business: CHEAT offers confused Cockbill Street football team directions
PRONTERA, CH—After reading through the Cockbill Street national football team’s schedule, attempting to determine a strategy for the coming match against them, Brad Liang noticed something peculiar about the schedule. The Streetian team was travelling to the wrong city. He reailzed that this had to be corrected immediately—the World Cup 25 organizing committee had enough problems already.
And so, he submitted a note to his boss, who submitted a note to his boss, and the message eventually made it to CHEAT’s CEO, Willard Humphreys, who sent a message down through his subordinates to write up a message to the Streetian team, informing them of the error, and proposing a way of rectifying the situation. Eventually, the CHEAT bureaucracy did its job, and the Streetian team received the proposal. What proposal, you ask? CHEAT wanted to trade for the location of the stadium! They asked that, in exchange for the location of the city they were planning to travel to, Yu-po, they would provide the location of 유포 (Yu-po), the location of the match.
Many people are skeptical of the offer, but Humphreys was confident when interviewed. “I’ll say one thing for those slani cricket-players,” he said. “They’ll know the importance of both teams showing up at the same place.”

thsd:NEWS
Archy Angel Gabriel

A MAGNIFICENT hat-trick from Gabriel Kennedy put paid to An Archy in a one-sided game in Davisham. New president, Dominique Domasca, was at the game cheering on her country as they massacred the visitors five-nil.

The massacre started on just eight minutes - Kennedy latching on to an Oliver Kader cross to volley home. A dubious handball led to a penalty for the Aces a few minutes later, Kennedy dispatching with ease. David Signoriello's cross-shot made it three going into the break, and Krytenia were cruising.

The second half brought more dismay to the visitors, as Kennedy completed his hat-trick precisely forty-two seconds into the second half. Finally, just after the hour, the rout was complete as Robin Spivey mad it a nap hand.

The youngsters of New Montreal States are next up - hopefully a good excuse for three points. See you there!

KRYTENIA - 5
Kennedy 6, 10, 46
Signoriello 36
Spivey 61
AN ARCHY - 0


SCORERS
G. Kennedy: 4
R. Spivey: 3
D. Signoriello: 1

QUALIFYING SCHEDULE
MD1: A v CAP L 0-1
MD2: A v ECH W 3-0
MD3: H v ANA W 5-0 (Mellion Lane, Davisham)
MD4: A v NMS ?????
MD5: H v TGD ????? (The Mound, Secklow)
MD6: A v PGJ ?????
MD7: H v NCR ????? (Brecklands, Linford)
MD8: A v BET ?????
MD9: H v TON ????? (Sixways Stadium, Avidia)
MD10: H v CAP ????? (Oxley Park, Everton City)
MD11: H v ECH ????? (Mercia Stadium, Bromham)
MD12: A v ANA ?????
MD13: H v NMS ????? (Denbigh Park, Ousevale)
MD14: A v TGD ?????
MD15: H v PGJ ????? (Walton Gardens, Simpson)
MD16: A v NCR ?????
MD17: H v BET ????? (Davis Memorial Stadium, Everton City)
MD18: A v TON ?????

Cuation stumble once more

Facing a team that is off form and at the bottom of the table, this was Cuation's best chance to take points of Nanakaland and move away from the bottom section of the table. Now however they face Athestan with just two points in three games, fourth from bottom and one point from dipping into the bottom three. They can no longer be sure that they can get a third win in three against Athestan

Match

The team where eager to get a win and on seeing the 6-3-1 formation, atacked from the start. The usal long balls where replaced by passing play across the midfield and within five minutes, Philip Cole played the ball forward for Timothy Asthon, driving past Andrew Dalton, before whipping in a low cross, allowing Heskey Anderton to have a shot. Sadly for the team, it was straight at Ulrich Czapp.

Thanks to the strong defence, Cuation was unable to test Ulrich for the rets of the match, the closest being when Giovanni created space for himself, his shot was blocked by Chris O'Callahan, who did a wonderful job keeping lanky Peter Tanner out of the game.

In the 24th minute, Giovanni had a pass to Peter intercepted by Victor King, who then played the ball out wide to Gerald Mailand. The Cuation team had pushed too far forward and when Leslie Butcher dived in and failed to get ball or man, Gerald had free space down the left.

Running down the wing, all he had to face was Jonathan Yan. Skinning the centre back and getting to the byline, he whipped the ball into the box. Sol Major, keeper Peter Seamen and Anthony Johnson, lept for it with the forwards getting just enough to divert it into the net.

1-0

For the rest of the hal, Cuation kept control of the midfield but struggled to create while finding themselves thankful for Seamen, first saving an Anthony Johnson snap shot with his legs then punching away a cross/shot from Thomas Baker, When a long ball was headed clear by Isaac Jefferson, the ref blew for half time

In the second half, Cuation gained control but just couldn't break down the oppostion's defence apart from a long ranger from Giovanni, the shot just breezing over.

After sixty minutes Rual Mendiz replaced a tiring Roy Ferguson and the team changed to a 4-4-2. The pacy threat didn't work too well though only a last ditch challenge from Fred Anderson denied a goalscoring chance.

In the 75th minute a frustrated Giovanni tried to go solo but after making his way to the edge of the area, lost control, stabbing the ball into the area. Peter Tanner was first to react, streching his leg to divert the loose ball into Rual Mendisez path. Such a clincal striker didn't let the fans down, sliding it past the advancing Ulrich Czapp

1-1

Both sides spent the rest of the match shutting up shop, more concerned with keeping a point then scoring a winner. With not so much as a shot, the game dragged on till the final whistle

Next Match

A must win, the team will hope to make it 3 out of 3 against Athestan who have one point and are a place below. Cuation have conceded 5 goals, three in the opening match but have only scored 2 so, as the manager said "We must work in our attacking play, shooting and creating chances."

Ariddia still goalless, but achieves draw

There was a glimmer of optimism today for fans who had travelled to Alan Shearer Heaven for Ariddia’s third match in the Cup. Supporters waved the Ariddian flag proudly, still backing their team despite its poor start in the competition. The Rouge-et-Noirs have been struggling to scrape themselves up from the bottom of the group, and have suffered two defeats at the hands of relatively inexperienced teams.

Today, however, things looked up as Ue Alt and his team mates appeared better organised and more efficient than usual. Early attacks by Alan Shearer Heaven were methodically blocked and repelled, with Yves al Jahdali putting in a remarkable performance in coordinating defence. In the fortieth minute, there was a thunderous roar of joy as E Lel opened the score for Ariddia. . . but, alas, the referee aptly pointed out an offside, and the goal, Ariddia’s first and only so far, was annulled.

The whistle was blown eventually on a goalless match, and reactions amongst Ariddian supporters and players were mixed.

“We’ve done well in some ways, but we’ve also identified weaknesses we need to work on,” coach Adam Seul later summed up. “Our defence was good, and that’s something to feel confident about. We’ve conceded four goals in three matches, which is far from catastrophic. We haven’t scored a single goal so far, though, and that’s something we need to work on. We need to enhance our attacking capabilities without compromising our defence.”

Ariddia has now failed to score a single goal for six matches in a row, counting games before the Cup, and this bleak statistic is of major concern to the team. Coach Seul tried the unusual strategy against Alan Shearer Heaven of calling out both Ariddian attackers simultaneously after seventy-two minutes, and sending in Clémentine Ramirez and Ismail Faraj in their place. Although the new lead pair caused notable difficulties for the ASH defence, they were unable to open the score.

“What I did wasn’t out of lack of confidence in Frédé and E,” Seul explained, “and they both know that. They’re good players. I just wanted to send in two attackers who were fresh and not at all tired, and who could work together to perhaps make a difference against defenders who had been on the field for over an hour.”

Although Ariddia have gained only one point out of three matches, some see this as a breakthrough, and there is, to some extent, a renewed sense of hope and confidence.

“What we really wanted to achieve was to avoid another loss,” player Frédéric Clément said. “Especially since we were playing away. And we’ve done that. Now we can build on that. There are still fifteen games to play, and we’re gaining experience with every match. We expect to rack up a few wins before the end.”

I Ra~e'he hoped no one saw him when he entered the psychiatric hospital in Sike kali. He used the stairs up to the second floor. He went to room 256. He knocked and heard a familiar sound, like a grunt. He decided that this means 'enter' and so he did. Siki Rej was in his bed and his hands were handcuffed to the bed. He looked as pale as a black person can, his long hair was unwashed and unkempt. "Hejida Rej'he!" Hatime said.
Siki Rej at first did not seem to be able to realize the source of the noise, but then replied: "You're Hatime? You are this inept slani'he, they chose to replace me?"
Hatime I Ra~e did not expect any kindness. "I am!"
"And, how much did you slani the team?"
"One win, one loss, one draw..."
"You slani'he! How badly did this team mess up? Bad enough to lose against one of the crap team?"
"Against Squornshellous..."
"My point! They have won how many world cups?"
"err none?"
"Right! And now you come here to get my help?"
"Yes?"
"You rat replaced me and now you crawl to me to get infos from me?"
"I was nominated by he ASR and it was not my choice to have you here. As soon as you're out of this facility, you can do the job again."
"And when will they let me out? They are takilans! They are after me to destroy the rejistanian soccer! I won't come out alive!"
"This thoughts were said to be the effect of schizophrenia."
"They just say that!"
"Well, then you should at best collaborate with me because otherwise the takilans win"
An hour later, Hatime I Ra~e left with detailed instructions on how to use the Hexatux.

PALADINS GET THE GOATS

2-1 upset over Caprine States

CAPRINE STATES - We won. No, really. We actually won. I'm not kidding you, we really did, actually, win this game. I'm just as amazed as you are, frankly.

Yan Lechevalier scored in the first half, with the Caprine States picking up an equalizer at 40 minutes to tie everything up going into halftime. The Paladins midfield picked up the pace in the second half, providing another dazzling display of the system new coach William Branstone has installed.

Midfielder Yves Broussard capitalized on this newfound dominance with a goal in the 66th minute to put the Paladins up 2-1, a lead that they managed to defend against ferocious attacks by the Caprine offense. The midfield and defense held, however, and the final whistle blew with the Paladins in the lead for a stunning win.

6th-ranked Krytenia pays a visit to the Paladin Dome in the next match, that promises to be a violent reminder of where the Paladins are in the world soccer continuum (way, way below them.) Hopefully, we won't go down 5-0, but Krytenia is currently strongly favored to come off this match with 3 points.

Unbeaten Golden Wolves Looking To Triumph In Group 9

It was, or so they said, an important cup. They had been underestimating just what this meant to the Grand Democratic Duchy of Yafor 2. People, their clothes in a variety of colors, in a throng of crowds, lined the streets, their hands barely brushing the broad, black-painted metal sides of the team bus as it left Central Ajer. These people were football fanatics, willing to sacrifice much of what they had in both the material and spiritual world for a good Yaforite World Cup.

As the bus snaked its way down the clean streets of Ajer, police lined the roads and chains blocked thousands, if not millions, of crazed fans. The police themselves were, of course, doing just what they were trying to prevent, touching, fawning, and adoring the bus, if not the players inside. Nearly everyone in Ajer was in a frenzy, watching from behind the chains, or on their television sets at home.

It had been decreed, quite a while ago, in fact, that no business would be working during the times that the national team would be playing. In fact, business had booked sections of the Zydrakos Dome, for the games in Ajer, or else they had flights and tickets in Kaze Progressa or Audioslavia. Being that thee (yes three) former LIDYT players (Yaforites, understandably) were playing in Kaze Progressa and that they were all on the National team galvanized the rich Yaforites into taking these measures.

In the vanguard of the bus, chest and chins out like conquering invaders, the Malar brothers, the top players in the LIDYT and the starting forwards for the National team, the were the darlings of the country, and the sole people to be watched by many scouts, some of them by rivals and some by foreign teams, sat, their faces calm and collected. These would be emotions that would be needed, with the World Cup soon.

Game 1
Yafor 2 1 - Eauz 0

The Yaforite team began the cup on a very positive note, indeed, one that may seem to be more than positive. Eauz, one of the top twenty teams in the world, was their first opponent, and it seemed that many in Yafor 2 were concerned (well, frightened may have been a better term) that the Golden Wolves would be lost in Eauz.

But it seemed the neither the ranking of the opposing team, nor the fact that they were playing in Eauz could faze the Yaforite squad. They played with sheer determination, that they would win, no matter who they were playing. They ball sped accross the field as the Golden Wolves completely outpassed the Eauz side, looking, for all the world, like champions. It seemed that they were in a different class, that they were much better. And in the end, with Gerod Flamer's one goal the difference, they were.

Game 2
Yafor 2 1 - Da WhoseLine People 1

With the initial euphoria of the victory over Eauz fading, the Yaforites returned to the Zydrakos Dome to face off with a Da WhoseLine People side that had won their first game, scoring three goals in the process. Goalkeeper Deron Smithes told reporters before the game that "They'll be tough to beat, but I think we can pull through." The attitude alone was no enough.

At the end of the game, with Fernando Malar's (the younger of the two) goal the only Yaforite score, it seemed that Da WhoseLine People team had much more in them than the Yaforites had suspected. They had played like sleepwalkers, barely passing, and when they did, only with one or two in a row. It seemed the fabled Golden Wolves had been surprised. But they could still win again.

Game 3
Yafor 2 0 - Adam Island 0

The Golden Wolves next traveled to Adam Island to face off with a side which had lost all of the games that they had played. They were infused with confidence, that they could win, that they were better. At the end of 0-0 draw, it seemed overconfidence was not the best policy.

Now they are in a 3-way tie for 3rd place in Group 9, which is shaping to be a tough group. The Golden Wolves need to win their upcoming game against RyukyuDaitoKazanNampo to stay in.

-Excerpt from The Ajerite Sun.

The Nedalia Lions

Three Games, Three Points

KAFRA, NEDALIA - After flying high in their first game, the Lions have crashed back down to earth, losing by a result of 2-1 at home to Spaam and losing by the same result away to TnUI. From a team that has expectations in Nedalia souring high, this simply will not do, as disappointment is beginning to show all over.

"Yes, Spaam and TnUI are good teams, but by now we should be just as good. We have the experience, we have the talent, now all we need to do is focus. Our defensive incompetence and our lack of consistency is putting our entire campaign at risk," commented 54 year old Jamal Nasr from Aanjar, Nedalia.

The man does raise a point, however; Nedalia have been notorious for two things: their inconsistency and the fact that their defense just cant seem to get it together for two games in a row. Despite the overflowing talent in the back, Khadra and Zenith have not been able to find the right stream of communication, leading to many disasters in the back. That, coupled with the maddenning inconsistency that plagues the Lions, leaves frustration levels high all over Nedalia many a matchday.

It hasnt been all negative. Nene and Tim James continue to show why they are world class players, with Nene grabbing the goal against Spaam and James delivering the goal against TnUI. Mattan has been incredibly active the time he has been on the field, but Chris Yamtech has resembled a zombie. There have already been calls to start Mattan alongside James and relegated Yamtech to the bench, but it would be uncharacteristic for manager Randy Gamman to do so.

The manager has been strangely quiet these past matchdays, but the rumor has it that he is furious with what he claims to be the inability to rise to the big occasion by the Lions. Although there are 15 games to go, the Lions already find themselves in 7th out of 10th, 4 points behind the leaders. That is no way to start a campaign in which one would hope for success in.

WARRIORS ROBBED BY SOUTH OSETTIAN REFEREE

One would think that by now the WCC would have figured out not to have a South Osettian referee a Warriors match because of the bias the referee would have against the Warriors, but noooooo, the WCC still insists on sending South Osettian referees to Warriors matches. It goes without fail that the South Osettian referee is so biased that it costs the Warriors a match they should win against a team they should beat. Is the WCC biased against the Warriors? Very possibly. This time it was Alasdair I Frosticus who proved to be the beneficiaries of the WCC's loathing of the Warriors. The loss does not bode well for the Warriors, especially leading into a five match stretch where the Warriors play the five teams ranked above them in their group consecutively, with three of those matches being on the road. If the Warriors can somehow miraculously manage seven points from the five matches, they should be in decent shape to qualify. However, it is highly unlikely that they will.





REFEREE FOUND DEAD OUTSIDE HOUSE OF PRAYER

The South Osettian who refereed the match between the Warriors and Alasdair I Frosticus was found dead outside of the House of Prayer last night. The referee's clearly biased job against the Warriors cost the Warriors a match they should have won. On that basis, it is suspected that foul play was involved in the referee's death. However, an autopsy will be conducted to confirm the suspicion. Anybody with any insight into the death is urged to contact the Praying2God police.

SAINTS BLESSED WITH ANOTHER VICTORY

The Pastorville Saints were blessed with another victory yesterday, though this time it was against a team they should have beaten, The Solar Association. The 1-0 scoreline does not indicate by how much the Saints outplayed TSA. The result of the match was never really in question, even though it took until the 32nd minute for the Saints to take the lead as Reverend Harris took a corner from Reverend Paulson and headed it past the TSA keeper. Things now get much tougher for the Saints, as the 40th ranked The Lowland Clans come to Pastorville to play the Saints in the national stadium. We can only hope and pray that God blesses them with another victory for His glory.




PASTORVILLE SOCCER ASSOCIATION SEEKS YOUR HELP

The Pastorville Soccer Association seeks your help in naming the national stadium. There will be a prize awarded to the person who submits the winning entry, which will be announced later. Please send all submissions to the Pastorville Soccer Association Headquarters.

THE ARCHREGIMANCY BRINGS YOU

WORLD CUP TONIGHT

With Fr. Nicholas the Scribe and Fr. John the Golden-Throated

"Well, Fr. John... Off to the Lowland Clans... for once a nation that doesn't entirely consist of heretics, but rather a nation that contains a sizeable Orthodox population."

"Absolutely, Fr. Nicholas - though we weren't looking to do them any favours. Orthodox or not, after the crash and burn performance against the heretical Pastorville, this was a must win match if our World Cup campaign wasn't to descend into the slough of despond before it even really began..."

"Ummm.. isn't 'slough of despond' a protestant metaphor? From Bunyan? The Pilgrim's Progress"

"Erm, possibly. So moving right along, then... let's look at the highlights....

In the first fifteen minutes, it's all clans, and only a miraculous performance by Fr. Justinian keeps the opposition at bay. Time after time he pulled off divinely-inspired save after divinely-inspired save - though his collection of back post icons is getting a little unwieldy. You can't even see the back stanchion these days.

But then in the 16th minute, a quick counter-attack down the left through Fr. Andrew the Twice-blessed leads to Fr. Nicholas the Hermit sending it past the goalkeeper thanks to a fine half-volley. Coach Kyrill has apparently had a word with Fr. Nicholas about the potentially detrimental effects of fasting too fervently in the match run-up, and I can confirm that he's off the mushroom and water diet for the tournament. Nothing wrong with that during Lent, but I’m not sure it’s the best preparation for an international athlete.

The Clans didn’t crumble as easily as the walls of Jericho, however, and a careless free kick conceded on the edge of the area by Fr. Dmitri the Humble led to 38th minute equaliser through this magnificent free kick, which shook the icons off Fr. Justinian’s back post.

And that’s how it was at half-time. But whatever course of prayer coach Kyrill decided on in the second half clearly did the trick, because the team came out in the second half firing on all cylinders. Fr. Silouan won a penalty in the 58th minute – and while there was nothing malicious or unsporting in the tackle which caused the penalty, the referee’s decision was spot on. Fr. Silouan duly converted the penalty with the same assurance that Ss Cyril and Methodius converted the Slavs.

Another period of sustained pressure led to a third goal in the 70th minute – this time Fr. Polycarp the Venerable surged through midfield, and unleashed an unstoppable left-footed torpedo from 20 metres which threatened to rip the back out of the net. A shot as powerful as anything an unshorn Samson could have managed.

And that was essentially that. The Clans didn’t go down entirely without a fight – and without this brilliant 78th minute tackle from Fr. Michael the Greater, the score could have been 3-2, and we could have been facing a tight last 20 minutes. As it is – 3-1 to the Archregimancy.”

“A fantastic performance, Fr. John”

“Absolutely. To be honest, after the listless performance against Pastorville, I was seriously worried about how we’d manage last night, but the team picked themselves up, put their trust in the Lord, and comprehensively outperformed a higher-ranked team who must have been expecting a win or draw at home. As it is, we’re third in the group after three games – though surely the Rejistanians will start to pull themselves together soon”

“In the meantime, it seems we were a little premature with yesterday’s scriptural reference”

“For the time being, Fr. Nicholas, for the time being – but let’s not count our organic free-range chickens before they’ve hatched, hmmmm?”

"In the meantime, I'm reading up on the Maccabees before tomorrow night's game... 1 Maccabees 1:1: 'Alexander of Macedon, the son of Philip, marched from the land of Kittim, defeated Darius, king of Persia and Media, and seized his throne, being already king of Greece' - fascinating stuff, Fr. John. I'll be so disappointed if they prove to be a different bunch of Macabees..."

WARRIORS ROBBED BY SOUTH OSETTIAN REFEREE

One would think that by now the WCC would have figured out not to have a South Osettian referee a Warriors match because of the bias the referee would have against the Warriors, but noooooo, the WCC still insists on sending South Osettian referees to Warriors matches. It goes without fail that the South Osettian referee is so biased that it costs the Warriors a match they should win against a team they should beat. Is the WCC biased against the Warriors? Very possibly. This time it was Alasdair I Frosticus who proved to be the beneficiaries of the WCC's loathing of the Warriors.

ON BEHALF OF ALASDAIR I FROSTICUS

THE HOLY EMPIRE'S TOP RATED SPORT SHOW

WORLD CUP QUALIFYING
With Basil and Theo

“And welcome back to the studio, where we prepare for tonight’s third World Cup qualifying match, this time between Praying2God and the Holy Empire. Basil”

“Yes Theo, and with the Imperials somehow managing to win their first two games through a combination of a homicidal right winger gone amok and the left buttock of Attilio Diocles – this despite fielding one of the most inept teams in Holy Empire history, we’ll be waiting for the team to come down to earth with a mighty bang tonight…”

10th minute
“…because let’s face it, haddock _is_ one of the funniest words in the English…”

“I’ll just stop you there, Basil, because it’s a corner to Praying2God… the ball swings in, and… the God-botherers score. No surprise there. But wait! The referee has disallowed the goal! Apparently because the goal-scorer is still wearing his wedding ring, and jewellery is banned under WCC rules. Well, how about that.”

“A ridiculous decision, Theo – no one seems to mind when our friends on the Archregimancy squad wear their pectoral crosses. The Praying2God officials are rightly incensed…”


23rd minute
“…and at this point, the South Ossetian referee has disallowed no fewer than four perfectly legitimate Praying2God goals. Basil?”

“I don’t understand it, Theo. Romanus Ducaso is, as in the last match, playing in a straightjacket and gag, so it can’t be that the ref is worried about being stabbed to death by Ducaso. He must simply really _hate_ the God-botherers. Not quite sure where that level of irrational hate comes from, but we’re clearly taking advantage tonight.

45th minute
“…and at half time, the referee has now disallowed, by my count, fifteen perfectly legitimate goals by Praying2God. This is a farce. Comical. Risible. Mind-boggling. Basil.”

“There’s no doubt that they should be thrashing us, Theo, but this isn’t our fault. What can you do? We seem to have stepped into the middle of some sort of geo-political minefield that’s neither of our making, nor our responsibility…”

58th minute
“…means that Praying2God are reacting to that first half travesty by refusing to cross the half-way line. They’re also refusing to pass the ball. Which suits the Holy Empire just fine. We’re also refusing to pass the half-way line – or try and take the ball, as a nil-nil draw suits us _just_ fine. Who would have thought – three games played, two wins, and one draw.”

“This isn’t Frosty Football, Theo, this is a disgrace, and no wonder the home fans are booing furiously. It reminds me of a particularly long-winded and irrelevant story that I’ll now bore our listeners with. About 33 years ago, I was eating my bacon and eggs flavoured ice-cream – a flavour which was remarkably…”

“I’ll just stop that pointless anecdote Basil, because… because… The referee has awarded a penalty to the Holy Empire! Apparently for time-wasting! The God-bothering Warrior’s refusal to play football has resulted in the referee awarding the competitions stupidest penalty since we were awarded a penalty for the opposing goalkeeper’s overly-long mullet in the first World Cup qualifier. Astonishing scenes. And Juan Tzimisces Jr. is going to take the penalty himself… and scores! 1-0 to the Holy Empire under extraordinary circumstances here in Praying2God”

90th minute
“…the final whistle blows, and the Holy Empire win 1-0 after what must be the most biased refereeing display I think I’ve ever seen.”

“Quite right Theo – the crowd are baying for his blood. I for one will be surprised if he makes it out of the country alive after a performance like that – twenty six disallowed goals for the Warriors. Ouch”

“But that’s nothing to do with us, Basil… In practical terms, what it really means is we’ve played three, and somehow – thanks to a cheating right-winger, the buttocks of Attilio Diocles, and a corrupt referee – won three. Because it certainly isn't down to the quality of our play. If nothing else, it’s been eventful...”

Neville Clarkson to make his bow

Cuation legend Neville Clarkson has been confirmed to start in the next match against Athestan. The forty year old has been part of the squad as a goalkeeping coach and the man is beloved by all however he has never played an international match. When Gary Jens got injured, it was decided to call up Neville so he could play in this match, to play for his nation as he deserved.

It is thought that had the team got three points by this time, that many changes would be made to give some of the lesser lights a rare start. However with the poor form, the starting line up is not going to be changed, apart from goalie.

Peter Seamen is proving to be an able deputy but there is doubt about his ability to be a long term first choice. Gary Jens is also fit now and the star goalie will take his place between the sticks against the skilled Lovisa side.

Biased ref found dead. Memories huant our nation

Well the ref got what was coming to him though this sadly reminds the Cuation side of the tragic murder of the Baptisim of Fire ref which overshadowed the sides hard fought win. However in this case, the nation views the murderer should be respected.

As to the match, the Cuation manager Jude suggests that recording of the match should be mass produced and sold, its humor value should manage to bring in lots of money for the two sides.

World Cup News
In association with Hellacious Huckleberry Gum


Vegeterrible!

It’s official ladies and gentlemen; broccoli is no longer the most deadly of all the vegetables. That honour has passed to the zucchini. Now we’re not talking about any old zucchini here, oh no. We’re not talking small zucchinis or even decent sized zucchinis; we’re talking Giant Zucchinis.

On a related note Hypocria’s national coach Dave Wilson is already starting to break records in only his third competitive game in charge. Unfortunately nobody wanted to break this particular record but break it they did as the Hyppos left Giant Zucchini in a hurry after suffering their heaviest defeat, well, ever. Ironically the 5 – 1 battering replaces the 4 – 0 defeat inflicted on the Hyppos by Wilson’s Sarzonia side some eight years ago.

It’s unfair to level much criticism at the coach on a night when everything went wrong for Hypocria’s finest.

The Hyppos started the match slowly, conceding an early goal in the process, but looked ok after Vilita based winger Robert Bercali levelled the match soon after with his second goal of the campaign, his first coming in the opening day draw in Jeruselem. After that it all went pear shaped, or should that be zucchini shaped. A quick Zucchini break into the box resulted in a mistimed challenge from Black and a penalty to the home side. It was the second game in succession that Black had conceded a penalty and this time he received a red card for his troubles too. The penalty was converted and when the halftime whistle went Giant Zucchini were leading ten man Hypocria by 2 goals to 1.

As the second half started things went from bad to worse as left back Ricky Poskas picked up two yellow cards in the space of four minutes and became the second Hypocria player sent off. After that it was all Giant Zucchini as they made that two man advantage really count. Three more goals were scored past Kindelan to complete the riot and drop Hypocria back into the pack in Group 4.

Giant Zucchini 5 – 1 Hypocria

It wasn’t all bad news though as Group leaders Nova Britannicus and Oaker cancelled each other out in a 1 – 1 stalemate, a result which means Hypocria are still only three points off the top. In the other games Jeruselem comfortably beat struggling Kunar 3 – 1, Chicanada recovered from the hammering in Oaker with a narrow home win over the Jacobian Tribes and surprise packages Alemeinia moved up into fifth after a good 2 – 1 win over San-Lorenzo.

GROUP 4
Pos Team P W D L F A GD Pts
1 Oaker 3 2 1 0 7 1 6 7
2 Jeruselem 3 2 1 0 7 3 4 7
3 Nova Brittanicus 3 2 1 0 5 1 4 7
4 Chicanada 3 2 0 1 5 5 0 6
5 Alemeinia 3 2 0 1 4 4 0 6
6 Giant Zucchini 3 1 1 1 6 3 3 4
7 Hypocria 3 1 1 1 5 7 -2 4
8 Jacobian Tribes 3 0 1 2 2 5 -3 1
9 San-Lorenzo 3 0 0 3 2 8 -6 0
10 Kunar 3 0 0 3 1 7 -6 0


The Kodiaks recovered from a battering by beating the Jacobian Tribes and know the Hyppos must do the same as they travel to the Tribes on matchday 4. Of course Dave Wilson now had selection problems too with Black and Poskas both suspended. Partizan Drissa centre back Sergey Kreska is likely to replace his club team mate Black in the starting eleven and Poskas’ absence should mean a debut for Bettian born Maelog Mumtazi. It has also been rumoured that striker Danny West will make his first appearance of the campaign as a replacement for the misfiring Alex Liberda. After this defeat a win against the Tribes, who have just a single point to their name, just became that little bit more important.

Qualification Schedule

Jeruselem v Hypocria (1 - 1)
Hypocria v Alemeinia (Drissa Sports Arena, Drissa) (3 - 1)
Giant Zucchini v Hypocria (5 - 1!)
Jacobian Tribes v Hypocria
Hypocria v San-Lorenzo (Oceanside Stadium, Pylos)
Kunar v Hypocria
Hypocria v Oaker (Hyppodrome, Hypocrium)
Chicanada v Hypocria
Hypocria v Nova Britannicus (Oceanside Stadium, Pylos)
Hypocria v Jeruselem (Hyppodrome, Hypocrium)
Alemeinia v Hypocria
Hypocria v Giant Zucchini (Hyppodrome, Hypocrium)
Hypocria v Jacobian Tribes (Drissa Sports Arena, Drissa)
San-Lorenzo v Hypocria
Hypocria v Kunar (Reef Stadium, Coral City)
Oaker v Hypocria
Hypocria v Chicanada (Hyppodrome, Hypocrium)
Nova Britannicus v Hypocria

Jimmy Lejeune: Don't tell me about your last night... I'm tired to hear you saying that you slept with every hot chick in the world...
Guy Varrenes: Why? It's fun to tell that. It's like saying that toasts are not eatable. It just doesn't make any sense...
JL: Look, could we talk about offensive soccer? Still better than saying offensive-for-young-people things.
GV: Yeah, this RP is rated 13+, I forgot... Anyway, we won yesterday I think... what was the score? I think the girl I slept with had a confuser. Slani Rejistanians...
JL: We won 4-0
GV: Han'il Takil!!
JL: You're turning Rejistanian... Nooooooo.....
GV: Not really. If I was turning Rejistanian, I would need hexatux somewhere...
JL: Well, there is DiFlyingWindow there...
DiFlyingWindow: Takil is ultra-nice. Han'il Takil
GV: Nice! How did he come here?
JL: Well, I bought a window, but the purolator guy sent me this flying window instead of a new one, hence why it's cold here.
DFW: Where's Hexatux. Han'il Takil!
GV: Like I would know about that...
JL: Anyway, we've beaten the crap out of... err... what was the team?
GV: I don't know myself. Do you know DiFlyingWindow?
DFW: It was against Crendonia. Han'il Takil!
GV: I'm slani tired to hear "Han'il Takil"
JL: Han'il Takil
GV: Not you as well...
JL: Just continuing the trend
GV: Anyway... since everybody seems to say it... Han'il Takil!
Random Rejistanian guy: Han'il Karela!!
Guy shoots the Random Rejistanian Guy with a Va'takil
Random Rejistanian Guy: Han'il Takil!
GV: Seems the problem is resolved
DFW: HAN'IL TAKIL!!!

Another Tie; Another Point

The Euroslavia Titans ended up tying their opponent for the second match in a row, scoring 1 goal in a 1-1 result against Jon Parkin, a team that the Titans have never heard of. The last match was a big disappointment to the team, the coach, and to the fans, of whom expected the Titans to defeat Jon Parkin. Euroslavia is currently in 7th place in Group 5, seven points back from the first place team in Crystilakere. With the current results in the past few matches, the Titans are going to have to step it up if they want to make it to the next round of the Cup.

The next match is against Five Civilized Nations, whose team is in 3rd place, the last of whom will advance to the next round. Currently, Crystilakere, Sarzonia, and Five Civilized Nations hold those positions. We can only hope that something happens to throw at least one of these teams off so that Euroslavia may have a chance to turn things around and snatch a spot in there, despite most predictions placing the Titans in 5th and 6th place.

This time around, the Titan defense stayed solid for the most part, while the offense became the trouble of the match, with the Titan's only managing to score one goal. The team is going to need to stay consistent if it wants to be able to challenge Five Civilized Nations in their next match.


-------------------------------------------------------------

GROUP 5
Pos Team P W D L F A GD Pts
1 Crystilakere 3 3 0 0 10 1 9 9
2 Sarzonia 3 2 1 0 7 1 6 7
3 Five Civilized Nations 3 2 1 0 7 2 5 7
4 Bakostrovia 3 2 0 1 6 4 2 6
5 PopularFreedom 3 1 1 1 6 6 0 4
6 Spookyville 3 1 0 2 3 6 -3 3
7 Euroslavia 3 0 2 1 2 5 -3 2
8 Jon Parkin 3 0 1 2 1 4 -3 1
9 Ruventsoria 3 0 1 2 2 7 -5 1
10 Kylaai 3 0 1 2 3 11 -8 1

Great wall of (Hockey) Canada collapses

They ran into a few hard teams early on, nothing to fear... yet. But after a draw against TnUI and a draw against Spaam, the Canucks had to face their first loss yesterday when they faced Eauz. Not looking like the usual Hockey Canadian team we were used to seeing, the Canucks didn't play as physical as they usually do in order to keep a good defence. On the bright side, Nedalia lost to both Spaam and TnUI- how they do against Eauz is still in question.

The first half was slow moving and mostly in the Hockey Canadian's half. Though they displayed good form and took possession of the ball for 50.5% of the half, Eauz just kept sending attack after attack at the Canucks before penetrating it. Thomas had it covered with some good saves whenever the defence broke down but when one Eauz striker walked in it was 1-0 for Eauz. A quick move around a committed Thomas and a light touch into the net sent Eauz fans screaming.

Halftime: Streakers, mascot streaking, mascot's streaking assistant, unrelated streaker.

The second half was a nightmare for the Canucks and Canucks fans. Horrible defence and a great attack from Eauz saw Lots of shots rain down on Thomas. Though he kept his stellar play up, only one managed to get by him in the half ending the game 2-0.

Now the Canucks will have to play Da WhoseLine People. A big win is expected but judging by how games have been played- it may not be. Hockey Canada needs points in these games and goals for GD. Good Luck HC!

MD1: Hockey Canada @ Spaam (T 1-1)
MD2: Total n Utter Insanity @ Hockey Canada (Globen Arena-Stadium) (T 0-0)
MD3: Hockey Canada @ Eauz (L 2-0)
MD4: Da WhoseLine People @ Hockey Canada (Globen Arena-Stadium)
MD5: Hockey Canada @ Adam Island
MD6: Yafor 2 @ Hockey Canada (Globen Arena-Stadium)
MD7: Hockey Canada @ Andossa Se Mitrin Vega
MD8: Hockey Canada @ RyukyuDaitoKazanNampo
MD9: Nedalia @ Hockey Canada (Globen Arena-Stadium)
MD10: Spaam @ Hockey Canada (Irkutsk)
MD11: Hockey Canada @ Total n Utter Insanity
MD12: Eauz @ Hockey Canada (Irkutsk)
MD13: Hockey Canada @ Da WhoseLine People
MD14: Adam Island @ Hockey Canada (Anadyr)
MD15: Hockey Canada @ Yafor 2
MD16: Andossa Se Mitrin Vega @ Hockey Canada (Globen Arena-Stadium)
MD17: RyukyuDaitoKazanNampo @ Hockey Canada (Anadyr)
MD18: Hockey Canada @ Nedalia

Vikings squeeze by Israel4Ever, but FAF highlights Fmjphoenix colony

Andrew Jenkins scored his first career senior squad goal, becoming the youngest player to score for the Vikings since Captian Mike Nolan scored his first goal at 19 as well and the Vikings squeezed by a suprizing challenging squad from Israel4Ever 1-0.

But FAF reports and newscasts were downplaying the Vikings lackluster play and more focusing on the Fmjphoenix colony of Dauna Hills, as they are a perfect 3-0 though the first 3 matches and sitting in 3rd place in a tough Group 1 whereas the Vikings have struggled to get to 4th place in Group 3. But we are dedicated to the Vikings and what they are doing.

Despite the 2-0-1 record, the Vikings are in a must win. Matchday 8 will be sooner than wanted and Liverpool England will not be a easy matchup. Fmjphoenix will have to amass as many points as they can. Four more wins is not unimaginable, but it will not be easy. Next up for Fmjphoenix is Alan Shearer Heaven. Seeing as they will be returning to Vikings Stadium, a win should be expected. A full crowd will be ready to greet the Vikings as they shoot for win number 3.

Fmjphoenix: 1 - Israel4Ever: 0

Jenkins 85 - None

Fmjphoenix Vikings
World Cup 25 Qualification Schedule
MD01: Fmjphoenix @ Druida 1-3 Loss
MD02: Fmjphoenix vs System Karela 4-0 Win
MD03: Fmjphoenix @ Israel4Ever 1-0 Win
MD04: Fmjphoenix vs Alan Shearer Heaven
MD05: Fmjphoenix @ Milchama
MD06: Fmjphoenix vs Limbrogidlia
MD07: Fmjphoenix @ Oglethorpia
MD08: Fmjphoenix vs Liverpool England
MD09: Fmjphoenix @ Ariddia
---------------------------------------
MD10: Fmjphoenix vs Druida
MD11: Fmjphoenix @ System Karela
MD12: Fmjphoenix vs Israel4Ever
MD13: Fmjphoenix @ Alan Shearer Heaven
MD14: Fmjphoenix vs Milchama
MD15: Fmjphoenix @ Limbrogidila
MD16: Fmjphoenix vs Oglethorpia
MD17: Fmjphoenix @ Liverpool England
MD18: Fmjphoenix vs Ariddia
---------------------------------------
Record: 1-0-1

Viking Goalscorers:
Ijanaeil 3
Nolan 2
Jenkins 1

FAF sends challenge to Krytenia Football Association

The last time Fmjphoenix and Krytenia matches up was in World Cup 23 when the Vikings retained hold of the Golden Cafetiere by beating Krytenia 4-1. The FAF is offering a challenge out to Krytenia to play a match after the qualifying round of Worlc Cup 25 for the Golden Cafetiere.

thsd:NEWS
Storm In A Coffee Cup

The Cafetiere Cup is set to return after World Cup 25 qualifying, after the Krytenian Football Association accepted the challenge from their Phoenician counterparts, the FAF, to a return match for the Golden Cafetiere.

The Cafetiere was stolen from the KFA offices over two decades by an unknown Rejistanian, who then lost it on a trip to Vanguard. It has remained in the hands of the FAF, who eight years ago inaugrated the Cafetiere Cup after Krytenia and FMJPhoenix were drawn together in qualifying. A four-two aggregate victory kept the cup away from its rightful owners.

The game will be a one-off at a venue yet to be decided [OOC: Apply now!], and both nations are looking forward to the encounter already.

SCORERS
G. Kennedy: 4
R. Spivey: 3
D. Signoriello: 1

QUALIFYING SCHEDULE
MD1: A v CAP L 0-1
MD2: A v ECH W 3-0
MD3: H v ANA W 5-0 (Mellion Lane, Davisham)
MD4: A v NMS ?????
MD5: H v TGD ????? (The Mound, Secklow)
MD6: A v PGJ ?????
MD7: H v NCR ????? (Brecklands, Linford)
MD8: A v BET ?????
MD9: H v TON ????? (Sixways Stadium, Avidia)
MD10: H v CAP ????? (Oxley Park, Everton City)
MD11: H v ECH ????? (Mercia Stadium, Bromham)
MD12: A v ANA ?????
MD13: H v NMS ????? (Denbigh Park, Ousevale)
MD14: A v TGD ?????
MD15: H v PGJ ????? (Walton Gardens, Simpson)
MD16: A v NCR ?????
MD17: H v BET ????? (Davis Memorial Stadium, Everton City)
MD18: A v TON ?????
CAFE: N v FMJ?????

VIDEO TO BE RELEASED OF ALASDAIR I FROSTICUS MATCH
Video to be found in tragedy section of stores

Praying2God's leading video retailer announced that they are selling copies of the Warriors match against Alasdair I Frosticus match starting next week. They announced that all of the leading retailers in Praying2God have agreed to sell the video amongst their tragedy section. Nobody is sure how the video is going to sell. This is a story that we will be sure to follow closely in the coming days.



AUTOPSY CONFIRMS REFEREE MURDERED

An autopsy has confirmed that the South Osettian referee that refereed the Warriors match against Alasdair I Frosticus was murdered. The cause of death was listed in the autopsy as strangulation. The Praying2God police are looking into the murder. If anybody has any information about the murder they are asked to contact the Praying2God police.

Close call!

The Tadjikistan Tigers are known for their ups and downs. Well, here's another down if you ask me. Metfield, a team without KPB ranking managed to give the Tadjik Tigers alot of trouble, very few actions by the Tadjiks were useful and most were professionally wasted by the Tadjik strikers.

Metfield took advantage of the situation to make the Tadjiks sweat even more. But in the last ten minutes, Oleg Salenko brought everything back into balance by scoring the only goal of the match.

Bahrom Sadirov could celebrate another victory but didnt, he had other things to worry about: 'We were overconfident and believed it would be a walk in the park, well, lets wake up. It happens alot that newcomers, inexperienced teams surprise the world with good football. We were driven back throughout the first half and part of the second half against an opponent that, against the talent of the Tadjik Tigers, should have been on the defensive.

Experience is a hard teacher, she gives the test first, the lesson afterwards. We've been lucky in this test, we got through with a victory, but our next test should much better. We simply cant afford this. Our next match against Rordia before our own fans has to be perfect, there is no excuse.'

Fixtures:
MD1: Da Philelfya Empiya - Tadjikistan W 0-2
MD2: Tadjikistan - Kericia W 3-0
MD3: Metfield - Tadjikistan W 0-1
MD4: Tadjikistan - Rordia
MD5: Dauna Hills - Tadjikistan
MD6: Lethislavania - Tadjikistan
MD7: Tadjikistan - Vilita
MD8: Kudlastan - Tadjikistan
MD9: Tadjikistan - Starblaydia
MD10: Tadjikistan - Da Philelfya Empiya
MD11: Kericia - Tadjikistan
MD12: Tadjikistan - Metfield
MD13: Rordia - Tadjikistan
MD14: Tadjikistan - Dauna Hills
MD15: Tadjikistan - Lethislavania
MD16: Vilita - Tadjikistan
MD17: Tadjikistan - Kudlastan
MD18: Starblaydia - Tadjikistan


GROUP 1
Pos Team P W D L F A GD Pts
1 Starblaydia 3 3 0 0 7 1 6 9
2 Tadjikistan 3 3 0 0 6 0 6 9
3 Dauna Hills 3 3 0 0 5 2 3 9
4 Vilita 3 2 0 1 7 5 2 6
5 Kudlastan 3 2 0 1 3 2 1 6
6 Rordia 3 1 1 1 4 4 0 4
7 Metfield 3 0 1 2 1 3 -2 1
8 Da Philelfya Empiya 3 0 0 3 1 5 -4 0
9 Lethislavania 3 0 0 3 1 6 -5 0
10 Kericia 3 0 0 3 1 8 -7 0

Chicanada Daily Rabbler
Lookit! We snuck in!

Nice Recovery
National Side takes a 2-1 Win over Tribes, Prep for Nova

No on had the Kodiaks running all over the Jacobian Tribes but Coach Dempsey is thrilled witha 2-1 victory over the rookies at the Highlands Regional in Middlesborough.

Olani Pjan continued to be the star of the show, getting a goal in the 15th and being the assist on the go-ahead goal in the 32nd minute. The Jacobians did score in the 84th minute, well after starting goalkeep Raslan Seregn had been pulled in anticipation of the big game in Douala.

The Kodiaks need to keep the momentum going as the squad is only one point out of the qualifiers slots. The team is officially tied for fourth with Alemania but would love to move into the top 3 with an upset of Nova Britannicus tommorow at the Palace - in the first meeting between the clubs. The game will be carried live by Canal and on ChicanadaSun.org as well as CFA.net.chi. The Kodiaks will then have a chance at Jeruselem before returning home for Alemania at the Governess.

Chicanadan Qualifier Schedule (with most locations locked in this time)
MD1: v Kunar (W 3-0)
MD2: @ Oaker (L 4-0)
MD3: v Jacobian Tribes (W 2-1)
MD4: v Nova Britannicus (@ Douala Central Palace Stadia)
MD5: @ Jeruselem
MD6: v Alemeinia (@ Governess Palace, Colombo)
MD7: @ Giant Zucchini
MD8: v Hypocria (@ Cananite Pavilion)
MD9: @ San-Lorenzo
MD10: @ Kunar
MD11: v Oaker (@ Southampton National Square)
MD12: @ Jacobian Tribes
MD13: @ Nova Britannicus
MD14: v Jeruselem (@ Astur Depot Centre)
MD15: @ Alemeinia
MD16: v Giant Zucchini (@ Lis Stadia, Acadia)
MD17: @ Hypocria
MD18: v San-Lorenzo (@ Mogada Arena)

Kericia Edges Kudlastan For First Victory

KUDLASTAN - Following Matchday 3 of World Cup 25 Qualifying, Kericia had endured arguably the worst start of any team. Last in the Group 1 table with zero points and just one goal earned in the 4-1 loss to Vilita, the team looked to rebound against Kudlastan (2-0-2).

Dave Stewart scored a goal in his first international game to give the Kericians a 2-1 victory over Kudlastan on Saturday. Jeffrey Bryce assisted on both goals as Kericia (1-0-3) earned it's first 3 points, 9 behind Group 1 leaders Tadjikistan.

''I'm happy the way we won,'' Kericia coach Robert Friske said. ''It's tough to play away from home, but we attacked and we created some opportunities. The first three games were tough, but our strategy worked pretty well this time."

Stewart, who replaced Kurt Cedarholm in the 42nd minute, broke a 1-1 tie in the 71st minute when his 13-yard header off Bryce's 29-yard free kick bounced inside the left post.

''The important thing is the victory and the three points we earned tonight,'' Stewart said. ''I think we played a great game. I think we have a very strong team that can achieve its objectives.''

Stewart earned a spot on the national team this year after a solid senior season for Burnaby North University.

Cooper Brehm put Kericia ahead in the 33rd minute with an 18-yard shot inside the left post for his second goal of qualifying. Kudlastan tied the game in the 54th minute.

Next, Kericia will face top-ten team Starblaydia, coming off a 0-0 draw with Da Philelfya Empiya. The game will take place in BNU Arena, where Stewart will likely start in front of his home fans.

Goalscorers:
Kericia - Brehm 33', Stewart 71'
Kudlastan - some Kudlastani player 54'

The Aeropag Tribune—Donate to the Tribune’s fund for reporters killed by the Hockey Canadian Prime Minister!

World Cup: Capitalizts hold off Streeters in defensive brawl
유포, 소코 (YU-PO, SK)—The Capitalizts passed their first major test in the CHEAT era of Commerce Heights football with flying colors (not that the cannon and stars don’t always wave o’er Capitalizm), defeating the dark-age Streetian team in front of a sellout crowd of 161 803. The biggest surprise of the game was that the Cockbill Street side showed up, since they apparently believed that the match would be played in a strange land called Yu-po, even though the Capitalizt schedule clearly states that the game was to be played in 유포 (Yu-po). Somehow, the team must have found their way to the stadium, even though a survey reported that none of the Streetian team can read 쇼카지 (Syokaji).
Cockbill Street’s 4–4–2, a very defensive formation, seemed almost attacking as the Streeters were able to come very close to scoring on several occasions early in the ga,e. To avoid going down early, the Capitalizts were forced once again to pull back into their Karelan last resort—a 3–4–3. The Streetian attacks kept coming, but the midfield lineup slowed them down a bit, making it much easier for Μόρας Παπαβασιλόπουλος (Móras Papabasilópoulos) and the other defenders to deal with the oncoming attacks. The all-out defense displayed by both teams led to a halftime score of 0–0.
This deadlock continued for much of the second half, though the crowd got excited in the 65th minute, when Friedel Oheim’s spectacular long shot was miraculously saved by the visiting keeper, Sam Peterson. Both sides became highly frustrated with the 0–0 score, and the anger building up in all of the players led to a fight in the 88th minute. They tried to be subtle about it, the Capitalizts even tried to get officials to look the other way with monetary incentives, but 6 Capitalizts and 5 Streeters received yellow cards. Εντουσέι Εμανουελ (Entouséi Emanouel), Olaf Groinbiter, and Bjorn Spearwielder took the violence a step further, and were ejected from the game. The Capitalizts’ 3–3–3 was able to take on the Streetian 4–3–1, and Λεμονής Τριανταφυλλίδης (Lemonés Triantaphullídes) was able to capitalize on the situation, scoring the only goal of the game in injury time.
Commerce Heights 1 (Τριανταφυλλίδης 90+)
Cockbill Street 0—FT

Familiarity breeds victory for Stars, 3:0

WOODSTOCK (ASP) -- Unlike some of the teams in Group 5, PopularFreedom was a recent opponent for the Sarzonian national football team. Before World Cup XXV qualifying began, the Stars faced PopularFreedom in the Jeremy Jaffacake Jamboree in Audioslavia. The Stars put their experience to work and piled up a three goal lead before 30 minutes had elapsed and cruised to that final margin in front of 49,294 in Bryan Marshall Stadium in Woodstock.

The Stars (3-1-0, 10 points) benefitted from the return of forward Brian Wilson to the starting 11 after battling a sprained knee, and he scored one goal and assisted on both others. The Stars also got a sterling game from goalkeeper Horace Sandt, as the veteran netminder stopped six shots and dominated the box like he hadn't in several cups.

"That was a coming out party of sorts for Hor and the rest of the lads," Coach Barry Owens said. "We didn't really give Hor much of a challenge in the Kylaai match and he sort of stumbled a bit against Five Civilized Nations, so we wanted to see him handle the challenge."

He certainly did that. More than once, PopularFreedom players were shaking their heads at a Sandt save and they seemed to back away a bit when Sandt patrolled the box.

"They looked like they didn't want to challenge Hor," defender Mike Coyle said. "He was a man on a mission tonight."

The Stars prepare to travel to New Montreal States for the away fixture against former allies Euroslavia. After wrangling from the Incorporated Football Federation and reaction from the President, the match has been moved to New Montreal States instead of Arcadia. The return fixture will be played at the Hyppodrome in Hypocrium instead of the Iron Bowl, which was the proposed site instead of Woodstock.

"We're hoping we can focus on football as much as possible," Owens said. "Having said that, I'm sure there'll be much more attention paid to the diplomatic situation than we would hope for."

In other news, Hypocria played to a 2-2 draw against Jacobian Tribes, disappointing the Stars supporters who remained in their seats to watch the Hyppos.

“We’re hoping Coach Wilson can turn things around out there,” one fan said. “He’s eager to prove he’s as good as his record was in Sarzonia.”

WARRIORS PLAY TO DRAW AGAINST APES

The Praying2God Warriors put aside the distractions of the murder investigation and the video release of their Alasdair I Frosticus match to earn a surprising 2-2 draw against Bipedal Apes. The Warriors spotted the Apes a 0-2 lead in the first half, as the Warriors seemed to be searching for their confidence after a morale killing loss to AIF in their last match. Then, in the 68th minute, Christa Faith found her husband, Kevin Faith, with a cross from the right side and he redirected the ball into the net to cut the lead in half. That seemed to put the spark back into the Warriors, as they thoroughly outplayed the Apes after that. Then, in the 79th minute the Warriors drew even, as Kelly Carter and Thomas Larson worked a perfect give-and-go, with Carter getting the goal to close the scoring. The Warriors had several chances to complete the comeback and earn the full three points, but were unable to capitalize on their remaining chances, and had to settle for the draw. Do the Warriors have their momentum back? That remains to be seen. They will get a good test in their next match as Raptor Claw comes to the House of Prayer in the first game there since the murder of the South Osettian referee after the Warriors last match.

PASTORVILLE GETS A LITTLE TOO MUCH TLC

No, the Saints didn't get too much tender loving care, but they got too much of The Lowland Clans, suffering a 1-2 defeat. Reverend King picked up the Saints' goal in the 44th minute to take the match to the locker room at 1-1, but Reverend Smith couldn't hold off the barrage of TLC attacks in the second half, but did a commendable job holding the 40th ranked team in the world to two goals in 90 minutes. Saints Head Coach was overheard to have said, "Well, at least we were ahead of Rejistania in the tables for one match day. Very few teams in their first WC can claim that distinction," after the match. Things seem to get a little easier for the Saints, as their next match is at The Macabees, whom the Saints defeated 4-1 AET in the Regional Quarterfinals of the most recent BoF. However, the Saints are certainly not going to overlook The Macabees, because they are a very good team.

THE ARCHREGIMANCY BRINGS YOU

WORLD CUP TONIGHT

With Fr. Nicholas the Scribe and Fr. John the Golden-Throated


“So… Fr. John… the Maccabees… As you know, I’ve been reading up on the Longer Canon, and I have to say, this Judas Maccabaeus was often revolting.”

“Ummm, isn’t that slightly insulting, Fr. Nicholas?”

“No. Just a bad pun. Just look at 1 Maccabees 3, or 2 Maccabees 8 – all that war and oppression leading to revolution…”

“Oh… I get it, Fr. Nicholas. Bad pun indeed. Anyway, I have to admit that when it comes to the Longer Canon, I prefer ‘Daniel, Bel and the Snake’ – apocalyptic visions of Babylonian idol worship and the destruction of the idol are more to my taste than historical accounts of anti-Syrian Jewish revolts. Why, just last week..”

“Sorry to interrupt, Fr. John, but the producers are sending us a message that comparative discussions of the books of the Longer Canon are perhaps left to the exciting new Archregimancy TV show ‘Orthodox Bible Study’, the first episode of which is coming up right after ‘World Cup Tonight’ – not that you’d think the network would need to plug a show in a nation with a single TV channel that only broadcasts twice a week, but there you are. What about the football match, Fr. John?”

“Relatively straightforward, Fr. Nicholas. A solid 1-0 victory. You could argue that we should have scored more – there’s no doubt we were the stronger side – but there’s equally no denying that the Maccabeans managed to get their tactics spot on. Must be all that fighting the Syrians – helps with your tactics no end, that sort of thing does

Look at these early highlights – the Maccabeans throw up a strong defensive wall in their half, and repulse each home attack with almost military precision. Yet they remain alert to the counter-attack. This sequence of play in the 25th minute exemplifies the first half… a clever pass from Fr. David the Water-Drinker, a tricky half volley from Fr. Silouan, a fine save by the opposing goalie, and a rapid counter-attack that, while foiled by Fr. Michael the Lesser on the right, nonetheless had the potential for danger.

So it must have come as some relief to the home fans when Fr. Silouan’s efforts were rewarded in the 65th minute with a fine goal… some fine patient approach play up the middle from Fr. Polycarp and Fr. David leads to Fr. Polycarp threading the needle, mixing the metaphor, and breaching the defensive trenches. Fr. Silouan then places the ball precisely past the ‘keeper’s desperate lunge – 1-0 to the Archregimancy, and that’s how it stayed. The Maccabee’s tactics were fine when defending, but they found it difficult to adjust once they were chasing the game. In fact, for all their defensive prowess, they’ve failed to score a single goal in four games.”

“So no triumphal Maccabean rededication of the Temple tonight then, Fr. John”

“Probably not Fr. Nicholas – and meanwhile we remain solidly in third place, while Rejistania’s 2-0 victory pulls the Svecians back to the pack. That’s what we need… for the top three to cancel each other out, while we pull off an upset against one of them, somewhere… It still remains an unlikely scenario – “

“But through the Lord all things are possible, Fr. John”

“That’s right, Fr. Nicholas – now stay tuned for ‘Orthodox Bible Study’ here on Archregimancy TV!!”


GROUP 2
The Solar Association 0 Squornshelous 1
Brazillico 1 Adrasuvare 1
Svecia 0 Rejistania 2
The Archregimancy 1 The Macabees 0
Pastorville 1 The Lowland Clans 2

GROUP 2 (unofficial)
Pos Team P W D L F A GD Pts
1 Squornshelous 4 4 0 0 7 1 6 12
2 Svecia 4 3 0 1 10 2 8 9
3 The Archregimancy 4 3 0 1 6 2 4 9
4 Rejistania 4 2 1 1 8 3 5 7
5 Pastorville 4 2 0 2 3 4 -1 6
6 The Lowland Clans 4 2 0 2 4 7 -3 6
7 Brazillico 4 0 3 1 2 3 -1 3
8 Adrasuvare 4 0 2 2 3 10 -7 2
8 The Solar Association 4 0 1 3 1 5 -4 1
10 The Macabees 4 0 1 3 0 7 -7 1

ON BEHALF OF ALASDAIR I FROSTICUS

THE HOLY EMPIRE HERALD

IMPERIALS WIN FOURTH CONSECUTIVE MATCH
Incompetent plague-ravaged team finds new way to win against the odds

By Constantine Ducaso
Archregimancy correspondent


HEFA officials were tonight reacting with stunned amazement at the news that the Holy Empire’s plague-ravaged squad had somehow managed to win their fourth consecutive match despite the risible lack of quality on the team.

“I don’t understand it” said a senior official, speaking on condition of anonymity “we’ve thoroughly deserved to lose every single match, but through a combination of threats, luck, corrupt officiating – and now THIS – we’ve won every single encounter.”

The official’s reference to ‘THIS’ was believed to be an acknowledgement of the team’s wackiest stroke of luck yet. 1-0 down at half-time – and saved from being five or six down only through a magnificent defensive performance from team captain Juan Tzimisces Jr. – the match was saved when a freak bolt of lightening struck the Corruptomania dressing room during the half-time break. While retaining consciousness – and thus forced to play by the unsympathetic fourth official – the entire home team and coaching staff were struck with severe amnesia. The stunned visitors could only stand and watch as the Corruptomanians proceeded to score two second-half own goals before regaining full awareness in the 89th minute. By then it was too late, and the Imperials ran out 2-1 winners despite barely touching the ball in the entire second half.

“I’m glad to hear that there’s no permanent damage or harm to our hosts, and that they’ll be fully recovered in time for their next match” said Imperials coach Juan Tzimisces. “But still, have you seen the group table?” he asked, before collapsing into a fit of hysterical giggles. HEFA officials assured this reporter that the coach’s reaction was motivated solely by the knowledge that he was bound to lose the 2000 nomismata he had wagered on his squad finishing last in the group, and that he would return to full sanity as soon as the team started losing games, the way they were supposed to.


GROUP 6 (unofficial)
Pos Team P W D L F A GD Pts
1 Alasdair I Frosticus 4 4 0 0 9 5 4 12
2 Cockbill Street 4 3 0 1 7 4 3 9
3 Commerce Heights 4 2 2 0 6 3 3 8
4 Praying2God 4 2 1 1 6 3 3 7
5 Bipedal Apes 4 2 1 1 7 5 2 7
6 Raptor Claw 4 2 1 1 7 6 1 7
7 Casari 4 1 1 2 5 8 -3 4
8 Corruptomania 4 1 0 3 6 7 -1 3
9 Revolutionarian Island 4 0 0 4 7 12 -5 0
10 Michael Stricklandttttt 4 0 0 4 1 8 -7 0


HOLY EMPIRE DENIES INVOLVEMENT IN REFEREE'S DEATH
Romanus Ducaso "in protective custody during incident"

HEFA officials today released a short statement noting that while they would do their utmost to offer Praying2God officials whatever support they needed in the search for the murderer of the referee, they denied that any of their delegation was involved in the incident

"While suspicion would understandably fall on convicted referee killer Romanus Ducaso" read the statement, "Ducaso was in protective custody behind iron bars, and in a straightjacket, through the entire incident. And besides, there's no need to murder a referee who's just handed you a win, anyway"

Praying2God officials were said to be confused as no one had accused Ducaso of the murder in the first place, but HEFA sources said they just wanted to pre-empt any accusations in the Holy Empire's tabloid press.

Leaving with a bang- literally

Hockey Canadians have at least something to smile about today. After a bombing of Kaze Progressa, Hockey Canadians are happy this has been done. With the recent results pissing Hockey Canadians everywhere, action was needed when karela fell earlier today. After a successful bombing of Kaze Progressa (killing no one but destorying property), the new system "Takela"was formed using a new formation. A 4-1-5 solution came out of it forcing the Hockey Canadians to renew their system entirely.

Hockey Canadians are contemplating to even remain in the World Cup (NationStates) for that matter after a 4th attempt to qualify for the World Cup. Years of reporting gone down the tube early on in this World Cup may cause further "terrorist" attacks on Kaze Progressa expecting casualties if scorelines do not improve. Players have been trained to the limit of human ability yet the team doesn't seem to be performing.

OOC: We change our mode to +1 ok KP? Maybe this you'll count.

MD1: Hockey Canada @ Spaam (1-1 T)
MD2: Total n Utter Insanity @ Hockey Canada (Globen Arena-Stadium) (0-0 T)
MD3: Hockey Canada @ Eauz (0-2 L)
MD4: Da WhoseLine People @ Hockey Canada (Globen Arena-Stadium) (0-0 T)
MD5: Hockey Canada @ Adam Island
MD6: Yafor 2 @ Hockey Canada (Globen Arena-Stadium)
MD7: Hockey Canada @ Andossa Se Mitrin Vega
MD8: Hockey Canada @ RyukyuDaitoKazanNampo
MD9: Nedalia @ Hockey Canada (Globen Arena-Stadium)
MD10: Spaam @ Hockey Canada (Irkutsk)
MD11: Hockey Canada @ Total n Utter Insanity
MD12: Eauz @ Hockey Canada (Irkutsk)
MD13: Hockey Canada @ Da WhoseLine People
MD14: Adam Island @ Hockey Canada (Anadyr)
MD15: Hockey Canada @ Yafor 2
MD16: Andossa Se Mitrin Vega @ Hockey Canada (Globen Arena-Stadium)
MD17: RyukyuDaitoKazanNampo @ Hockey Canada (Anadyr)
MD18: Hockey Canada @ Nedalia