World Cup XXIV: DK/KD - The RP thread [Archive] - Page 3

Rejistania

01-09-2005, 00:52

Mana.esv.rj also had a thread about the next matchday and the match against the Jewish citizens, but it had to be deleted. The Jewish citizens complained because of antisemitism (it was mainly gloating about the bad team, but the Jews threatened to use the most deadly weapon: lawyers). However, there is: Tjulit'het Internet hikit'ra (the toilet at the end of the internet). This is one of the weirdest places, one can go to at all. Mainly because only a certain sort of people goes here. Let us see what they write:

FakeNews:
This is no longer funny, I am watching this match and the Jewish Citizens keep on complaining about the Orange-Blues being anti-semitic. Every tackle is apparently a racist statement! *pukes into the forum*
BTW: Score is still 0:0

42:
Clean up!

FakeNews:
You do it! :P

<long discussion about that follows>

Oops, not again:
This idiotic referee! did he smoke crack? That was a clear foul against Redy'he and he does not see a thing. K~hojna!

42:
Ever thought about... money?

Rat Cream Soup:
I do all the time, why?

42:
Jews are often bankers, which means: rich...

Rat Cream Soup:
You mean: The Sikenian* Job?

42:
What else?

Didn't know the gun was loaded:
Remember that we all are humans and make mistakes, it pisses me off that in every simple misdecision directly lacking skill or neutrality of the referee is assumed. Maybe it was *gasp* just a mistake?

42:
We all are humans and as long as we only bash the ref online and not IRL it is okay! C'mon, we need something to be angry about! And I don't want to bash the boring Rejistanian style of match!

Vote Apathetic Party:
*bashes 42 senseless*
Don't insult Karela!

Didn't know the gun was loaded:
*kicks 42*

Rat Cream Soup:
*forces the remains of 42 to listen to death metal*

42:
RCS: Nooooo! That is cruel!

<42 is tortured a bit more>

42:
If you are finished killing me slowly... what is the score? My TV decided that it wants a break :(

Vote Apathetic Party:
1:0

42:
For?

Vote Apathetic Party:
Who cares? :P

Oops, not again:
Actually: 2:0! The 1:0 in the 42nd minute by Raju'he in a counter and now this crazy seleke scored from a corner kick by Manik'he.

42:
Thank you!

Vote Apathetic Party:
Spoiler!

42:
Keep me updated!

Vote Apathetic Party:
We won't!

42:
You are mean, and evil, and mean! I'll tell that to your mother!

Vote Apathetic Party:
NOT TO MY MOTHER! Anyways, there is a reason for we refuse to update you...

42:
The match ended?

Vote Apathetic Party:
Exactly!

*Sike is where the government is and politicians are often concidered corrupt that is why "sikenian job" or "sikenian task" refers to bribe.

The Archregimancy

01-09-2005, 01:52

OOC: AAAAAAARGH - have just had long, detailed, and lovingly written post on the Archregimancy's qualification for the playoffs, the Excelite controversy, and why Bipedal Apes theological opinions are irrelevant (to the Archregimancy) deleted by accident, and I also lost the original in the middle of cutting and pasting.

Sob. I have neither the time nor energy to reproduce it right now. Sorry. Maybe later

Bipedal Apes

01-09-2005, 02:20

Bedistan

01-09-2005, 02:33

bsd
the bedistan sports digest

Final match ethics questioned

A currently unsubstantiated piece of information given to us by a Bedistan Football Association employee who spoke on the condition of anonymity states that national football team coach Mike Davidson plans to employ an extreme System Karela in the final match of World Cup qualifying against Bettia at Stadiwm (with a W) Bettia in Gabalfa.

"The way Mike sees it," the informant told us, "we've already qualified by quite a long distance. Of course, we want not to lose if possible. He said he'd also like to see Bettia to make it into the playoff instead of Kericia, and barring an eleven-goal victory by Kericia, a draw would be sufficient for the Aroras to get in. So how about ensuring a 0-0? That way everyone's happy!"

Mike Davidson could not be reached for comment, and all the players are currently keeping mum. We will bring more on this story as it develops.

Hockey Canada

01-09-2005, 03:01

Hockey Canada kicks Svecia but not Svecians.
Details down below.

It appears no Svecians will literally be kicked out of Hockey Canada. At least not for a while seeing how the Hockey Canadian national team beat the Svecia national team 2-1 in World Cup Qualifying action yesterday. The projected world's largest kicking was cancelled happily as Hockey Canada won and Oglethorpia lost to give the Hockey Canadians a shot at the 3rd place playoffs and a shot at qualifying. The Svecians were taken back into the streets of Hockey Canada as beer-induced parties broke out with Svecians as the object of fun.

The game opened with Hockey Canada dominating with their 7-2-1 formation working perfectly. Rahul Kulkarni got the scoring going in the 4th minute when he ran through the Svecian defence like pylons to run in on the Svecian keeper like a possessed lunatic. Scared by Kulkarni's intimidating run so close and fiercely to the net, the Svecian keeper hesitated for the challenge leaving Kulkarni to blast the ball into the right corner of the net giving Hockey Canada the early lead.

Kyle Thomas faced action in the 20th minute when the Svecian strikers began to swarm the Hockey Canadian defence like a bunch of angry bees getting honey back (wierd metaphor eh?). 2 Svecian strikers got passed the Hockey Canadian defence in what seemed like a miracle play but couldn't get by Thomas who cut off a pass from one Svecian striker to another. The crowd erupted in cheers as the potential goal was averted keeping Hockey Canada's chances alive.

Halftime as usual saw the notorious three people. The streaker who ran out onto the field with a soccer ball kicking it into the net before being tackled by stadium personell. Then came the mascot running out onto the field in his birthday suit to the delight of the fans waving and flopping all over the field before being restrained by the same stadium personell. The assistant mascot ran out looking like the streaker and mascot but without the birthday suit. This got the fans pumped up for the next half and made numerous people excited (mostly the female fans).

The second half was also a big thing for Hockey Canada as a big moment in Hockey Canadian history occured in this half. Running round for the first 15 minutes of the half saw many shots on the Svecian net but no goals. Steve Vaughn had a few shots on goal as well as Rahul Kulkarni and Yanic Perrault but it seemed the ball wouldn't go in the net. Players like Petr Srylanko and Ike Broflovski got frustrated by hitting the posts and crossbars but tried hard not to let it show.

The 73rd minute saw history in sports for Hockey Canada as Rahul Kulkarni netted his 77th goal of his career tying him with the Hockey Canadian all-time lead with Yanic Perrault. Many players were cheering on the Hockey Canadian side including Perrault himself who had someone to keep the scoring race with now. Kulkarni didn't know it but was awarded the game ball after the game. He graciously donated the ball to a Hockey Canadian charity which sold for a few thousand Zlins.

The rest of the game was rough with a few yellow cards. Timmy "Timmah!" Johnson was carded in the 80th minute for running over several players with his wheelchair. Ike Broflovski was carded in the 82nd minute for so-called "accidentally" elbowing a Svecian midfielder. Yanic Perrault made Hockey Canada pay in the 88th minute when the tripped a Svecian striker in the penalty area. This meant a penalty kick for a Svecian not looking good.

Thomas looked ready for this shot seeing how he was 4-for-4 in penalty kicks in qualifying this year. Unfortunately it couldn't last 5-for-5 as the Svecian kicked the ball hard into the lower-left corner of the net while Thomas dove to the right. Though the Svecian striker scored the crowd applauded Thomas for keeping up a streak that long during qualifying. The one goal lead lasted the last 2 minutes and extra time as Hockey Canada snuck 3 points and Oglethorpia got none.

Now with one game remaining for Hockey Canada against Vilita, the group leader, Hockey Canada will give it all they have to win that crucial game and pray for an Oglethorpian loss. The Hockey Canadian country is once again holding their breath as qualifying goes right down to the wire. Only this time it's Oglethorpia they're battling, not Jeruselem.

Bipedal Apes

01-09-2005, 03:50

A knock at the door called Beansmackle from her rather glum reverie. Startled, she glanced at the clock. It was nearly five; nearly quitting time. Just as well, considering she’d spent the better part of the day gazing at the hazy Bananaton skyline and wondering whether they were doing the right thing. Or even a right thing. And thinking, probably not.

Owenzoe stuck her head through the door. “Beg pardon, Minister Beansmackle.”

“Yes?”

“Was just wond’ring where you want this charged.” The financialator entered Beansmackle’s office, bearing a ledger sheet.

Beansmackle looked it over. It represented the costs of maintaining the monkey’s cybernetics, including the installation of a second eye. “Six million bananas sterling,” she said. “Well, we have the money, I suppose. We have the technology...”

“Technology, ma’am?”

“Oh, never mind.” The line items were all disguised, of course; Draconana’s existence was the toppest of secrets, more secret even than the Prime Matriarch’s home telephone number or the real purpose of her antelopes.

“Just need the account number, ma’am,” Owenzoe prompted her.

“Yes, of course. Put it in... special projects. 31100.”

“Yes, ma’am. Is this a supply expense?”

“Call it simian resources.”

“31100-22?”

“Yes, thank you.”

“Very well, ma’am.”

Owenzoe took the ledger and turned to go. As she was at the door, Beansmackle added, “Fund R-zero-T-zero-three.”

Owenzoe halted, surprised. “Did you say--”

“Yes.”

“Special super secret projects, ma’am?”

“That’s right.”

“Need Prime Matriarch’s authorization for that.”

“I’m aware of it. Go ahead and get her authorization.”

“Yes, ma’am.”

Owenzoe left the office looking a little awed. Beansmackle wondered whether the chief financialator of the Ministry of Bipedaleen Defense and Other Fences had ever entered a budget item in fund R0T03. She guessed not. She hoped not.

* * *

There was nothing Ms. Globina liked about Marshall Baboo. She found her creepy as Beelzebub, and did everything in her power to avoid having any contact with her. Unfortunately, from time to time, the Prime Matriarch’s desires meant that there was nothing in her power to be done, and avoiding the Marshall became impossible. Still, having the Marshall sitting in her office eating her ginger snaps and drinking her tea was a bit thick.

Trying to put the best face on it, Globina forced a smile. Baboo did not bother forcing one back. It was possible for Baboo to smile; Globina was reasonably certain of this. But the way her facial muscles were hooked up, the Marshall’s lips could turn upward only when someone was in agony. Or so went the theory among most of the apes acquainted with her.

“Have a nice trip over, did you?” Ms. Globina asked.

Baboo glowered.

“Nice time of year for it, anyway,” Globina persisted.

Baboo devoured a ginger snap in such a way that the cookie experienced maximum pain.

“A little humid, though, I imagine. If you’re not used to the coast.”

Baboo desecrated a bit of delicious Lapsang Souchong by swallowing it, grimacing.

“How’s the weather in Dirk been?”

The Marshall pursed her lips, clearly annoyed at having to wait in Ms. Globina’s office and tolerate her smalltalk. But the smalltalk would continue, for Globina had recently completed a Ministerial management training course entitled, “Making smalltalk to bridge gaps with your worst enemies,” and she was determined to get her money’s worth.

“Nice and dry in the interior?”

“Yes,” Baboo said at last, in a tone intended to shut her interrogator up. Little did she know about the course and its advice to seize on any toehold: the “Wedge of Opportunity,” the course called it. Ms. Globina could picture her instructor saying with a painted-on smile, ‘Indefatigable persistence will always win in the end.’

“So the humidity’s not really your thing, then?”

“No.”

“Mine either, really. It’s nice down at the beach, though. Breezy, you know. Have you been down to the beach?”

“No.”

“I imagine the swimming’s not much back in Dirk, is it?”

“No.”

“Being inland. Is there a pool at the Special Fences headquarters?”

“No.”

“Not even a little one?”

“No,” the Marshall said, perhaps just a tad hesitantly. Globina sensed that she was making inroads.

“That’s too bad. Swimming’s great exercise. Relaxing, too.”

“Yes,” Baboo agreed.

“You should try to get to the beach while you’re here,” Globina suggested. Baboo did not respond. “Of course, there’s the Ministry pool, too. Apelimpic-sized. And it has a great fur-filter. The water never gets the least bit gunked up.”

“Hmm.”

“It’s open twenty-four hours.”

Baboo blinked. Globina sensed that this line of conversation was running out.

“Been following the Two-Footers?”

“Who?”

“The national footie side.”

“The what?”

“Footie. The sport. You know. Veldt Strip-Mining, that’s your team out in Dirk, isn’t it?”

The Marshall shook her head, dismissing the topic, but Globina was not going to be so easily dissuaded.

“The Two-Footers played the Terminators this week. Liverpool England. They won. The Two-Footers, I mean. None of this rings a bell? You’re all pretty sequestered out there at Special Fences HQ, aren’t you?”

Baboo’s eyes narrowed.

“Everybody thought the Terminators were big scary cyborgs, but I think they’re just humans. Kind of ironic the Two-Footers playing the Terminators though, when Draconana’s in town. Don’t you think?”

“Hmm.”

There was a knock at the door and Beansmackle stuck her head in. “Ms. Globina, I just-- oh, hello, Marshall Baboo.”

“Ministerrrrr.”

“Er.”

“Yes?”

“Oh, right. I was just on my way home, and I wanted to stop to give you this.” The MBDOF handed a thick manilla envelope to the MMA.

“What is it?”

“The dossier. The agents have just finished preparing it.”

“Ah. Thank you. Do you want to brief us on it?”

It was clear from Beansmackle’s expression that she did not. “Sure,” she said as gamely as she could manage. She pulled a chair up to Globina’s desk, trying to sit as far from Baboo as possible without looking like she was trying to sit as far from Baboo as possible.

Globina opened the enveloped and removed the contents: some papers, a few photographs, a cassette tape. Beansmackle cleared her throat.

“This young human,” she said, indicating a particularly old photo, “is Zach de la Rocha.”

Baboo leaned forward for a cleared look. The human had a massive mane of hair around its head, like a lion-woman. It looked angry, too.

“So that’s Zach de la Rocha. She looks angry,” Globina pointed out unnecessarily.

“He,” Marshall Baboo corrected.

“You can tell that just by looking?” Globina asked, impressed.

“Yes.”

“Yes, it’s a male,” Beansmackle confirmed. “According to our intelligence,” she added. “They all look the same to me. The photo is eighty years old. This one too,” she added, handing another picture to Globina.

“What’s that she’s-- I mean, he’s-- wearing?”

“Footie kit.”

“Footie?” Baboo repeated.

“The game I was talking about before,” Globina said. “A lot of apes and people play it for fun.”

“Zach de la Rocha,” Beansmackle corrected, “did not play footie for fun. Some eighty years ago, he was captain of the Audioslavian national side. His sneer was his mask of defiance, and it characterized his every action.”

“Aha. So he really was angry, was he?”

“Yes.” There was one more picture of de la Rocha in his kit: a slightly blurry action shot of him shoving another player. “That got him carded in a critical match during the World Cup,” the MBDOF said. “They lost it on penalty kicks, and many in and out of the Audioslavian footie establishment thought they’d have won if he’d been on the pitch to take his kick.”

“Hmm.”

Beansmackle produced another photo of the young de la Rocha; this time, though, he was in rather a different kit. Dressed in torn dungarees and a sleevically-challenged shirt, he was holding a microphone and, from the look of it, orating before a great crowd of young Audioslavians.

“Preaching?” Marshall Baboo guessed.

“In a sense. You recall the CD that you brought back from Audioslavia?” Beansmackle asked Globina.

“Certainly. You mean this is a picture of him singing-- shrieking-- like that?”

“Yes.”

“Singing?” Baboo repeated.

“de la Rocha developed the funk-metal for Audioslavia,” Globina explained.

Baboo’s eyes narrowed and she pursed her lips at the same time.

“The funk-metal?”

Beansmackle sized up the Marshall’s expression. “Can Draconana handle the funk-metal?” she asked.

Slowly, Baboo nodded. “It is said that the monopedal monkeys had the funk-metal when the apes were still banging rocks together. However...”

“Yes?”

“It may be that the sayings are full of crap.”

“But Draconana can handle the funk-metal?” Globina persisted.

“Yes.”

“You’re certain?”

“Hmm.”

Beansmackle held up the final photo. It showed the same human, but older, his hair beginning to gray at the temples and a few wrinkles showing around his eyes. “This is de la Rocha, maybe fifty years ago,” Beansmackle said. “He was a great statesman at this time. This is the era when Audioslavia slipped away from Bipedaleen rule. Our intelligence has not pinned down precisely how it happened, but we know de la Rocha was at the center of it.”

“Was he elected Prime Minister or something?” Globina asked.

“He never stood for public office. He was a leader from the popular pulpit. His greatest advantage was always his mastery over the funk-metal. It was through this heinous weapon that he devised the means for the foolhardy Audioslavian humans to break free while keeping the wool over our eyes. And to this day, it is de la Rocha, operating from a secret, undisclosed location, who continues to provide the spiritual fuel of Audioslavian freedom. As the Prime Matriarch surmised, the loss of de la Rocha would likely crush the spirit of the Audioslavians like so many snails beneath the ten-stone wheels of progress.”

“Wow,” said Globina.

“What does he loooook like, nowwwwwww?” Marshall Baboo asked. Beansmackle shook her head.

“We haven’t been able to procure a recent photograph. But... we believe that we know his approximate location. One of our operatives recently reported seeing an ancient human with vast leonine hair shrieking into a microphone on the porch of a beach house in southern Audioslavia. She made this tape.”

Globina picked up the cassette and examined it. Zach’s beach tape, it was labeled, with song titles: Sittin’ on the dock of the motherfuckin’ bay; Barbara Ann; Little old motherfuckin’ lady from Pasadena; Papa oom-mow-mow, motherfucker; Beach blanket motherfuckin’ bingo.

“Should we listen to it?”

“Not now,” Beansmackle advised. “Let Draconana hear it, so she’ll know what to listen for.”

Baboo nodded. The MBDOF put the contents back into the envelope and handed them over to the Marshall.

“The fate of the nation is in her hands,” Beansmackle said.

“The fate of the world,” Globina corrected.

“Quite possibly. Quite possibly.” Beansmackle looked seriously at the Marshall. “Are you certain Draconana is up for the task?”

Solemnly Baboo pronounced, “She will not fail us.”

The Archregimancy

01-09-2005, 03:57

ARCHREGIMANCY RADIO BRINGS YOU

AN INTERVIEW WITH FR. SERAPHIM THE OCCASIONALLY DANGEROUSLY FREE-THINKING THEOLOGIAN

"Hello. I'm Fr. John the Golden-Throated, and with me in the studio tonight is everyone's favourite controversial thinker, Fr. Seraphim the Occasionally Dangerously Free-Thinking Theologian. Welcome, Fr. Seraphim."

"Thank you, Fr. John - and might I say how much I would have enjoyed your commentary on the Archregimancy's backwards hop into the playoffs if it hadn't been for the catastrophic broadcasting failure that deleted your commentary from screens across the nation."

"Thank you. Might we begin with my asking you for your opinion on the Excelite controversy."

"No controversy here, Fr. John. While clearly a vile and base doctrine, Excelitism is _not_ heretical."

"No? I must say I'm surprised..."

"Well, a lot of Archregimancy supporters have been guilty of loose talk here. Strictly speaking, a belief system can only be heretical if it's a perversion of Christian belief. As the Excelites acknowledge neither Christ nor the Lord our God, but rather venerate the false idol Margaret, they are not heretics as such, but rather vile heathen pagans. An important distinction. As such, their denial of the role of the Lord our God in human creation, and emphasis on the role of the accursed 'Excel Spreadsheet', is far less important than their casting aside of the Lord in favour of this 'Margaret'"

"Ah. I see. Thank you for clarifying that detail."

"Oh yes, they'll still burn in the fires of the Day of Judgement along with the freemasons and communists, but not because they're heretics - but rather because they're pagans"

"But should we ban them from the Archregimancy?"

"That's for the Holy Synod to decide, but I should note that we have already allowed representatives of militant atheist communist regimes into the country during the qualifiers without getting too worked up about it."

"And what about these rumours of the theological errors of Bipedal Apes?"

"Ah, well, I'm not bothered about that at all, Fr. John."

"Why not, Fr. Seraphim? Surely this 'Bejeezus' of theirs is a horrific blasphemous slur on the Son?"

"Well, at face value, yes. But you see, the opinion of these 'Bipedal Apes' is irrelevant"

"Irrelevant?"

"Yes. Let me explain. First of all, we're not playing them in World Cup qualifying."

"True - but still..."

"Secondly, they don't appear to be human."

"What?"

"That's right. While I'm not clear on the details, they appear to be some sort of sentient banana-loving monkey. Whether a ring-tailed lemur, bonobo chimpanzee, or golden-lion tamarin, I'm not sure - and frankly, I don't really care. But, arguably, as non-humans, they don't have immortal souls. As such, they can neither share in the Grace of the Church, nor can they, strictly speaking, blaspheme. Now, I concede that the precise nature of the souls of sentient bipedal apes would take a full Council of the Church to decide, but my personal interpretation of Tradition and Scripture is that their theological opinions are largely irrelevant, and can therefore safely be ignored. Though it's only fair to note that the Fathers of the Church didn't anticipate the need to decide on the canonical status of the belief system of a matriarchal society of intelligent monkeys - that's not in the writings of St. Gregory of Nyssa or St. Basil the Great, that one"

<both chuckle>

"Fr. Seraphim, thank you - as always - for your time"

"Not at all, Fr. John, not at all"

Bipedal Apes

01-09-2005, 04:10

Memo

To: Reverend Glunkspot
From: Snidebleen
Re: Wha-- bu-- the nerve! I’m spitting mad!

Dear Rev.,

Did you hear the radio broadcast from The Archregimancy today? Of all the nerve! They called us monkeys! Monkeys! Why just yesterday the Prime Matriarch herself almost went to war with An Archy over an offhand comment that we we have tails, and today these hippy trans-dimensional monks are calling us unevolved monkeys! Makes me want to crap!

But that isn’t what I’m writing about, infuriating as it is. What I’m really concerned about is that they’re claiming we don’t have souls ‘cuz we’re not human. Have you ever heard of such bigoted cheekiness? I hope you’ll dash off a five-page letter to Bejeezus so she can smite them to the nasty bowels of hell right quick before they exacerbate things by claiming Bejeezus is a human or something. I mean, how could a spiritual being be a human?

By the way, Rev., they seem to worship some kind of alternative supreme being, not one of the Approved Duo of Bejeezus and Beelzebub. Someone named Christ of Margaret or something. You might want to mention that to Bejeezus as well, so she can see about smiting them too, just in case they exist, which I’m sure they don’t, but just in case, you know?

So I’m sure you’ll have a handle on it, then.

Yours in Bejeezus,

Snidebleen

Spruitland

01-09-2005, 04:36

http://i5.photobucket.com/albums/y197/Spruitland/sportsgazette.jpg

Last match to decide

Spruitland – Total n Utter Insanity: 2 – 2

As feared, the Spruitland Wabbits will have to wait til the last match to know whether they get a chance in the play-offs or not. A respectable home draw – both goals scored by Dirk Jools – against the Insanicians was not enough to secure third place.

“Slani Tadjiks didn’t hold up their end of the bargain,” team captain Frederic Juneau says. “Can’t trust anyone these days.”

The Tadjikistan Tigers, already certain of a place in the World Cup Finals, could have cemented the top four spots in Group 3 but failed to do so when they went and lost in Lethislavania. Spruitland remains in third place, but with only one point more than the Leths, not exactly a comfortable lead.

“Naturally, we’re hoping for Lethislavania to lose against Total n Utter Insanity,” Juneau says. “We’d like to believe TnUI will give it all in their last match, but everybody knows those Insanicians can’t be trusted. So our only option is to win in Tadjikistan. Shame really, we were looking forward to a nice relaxed match before the play-off matches – you know, a drinking competition with the Tadjiks the night before the match and then see who can finish the ninety minutes without throwing up, stuff like that. Guess we can’t do that now. Oh well, it’s their own fault.”

Spoon race intensifying

With one matchday to go in World Cup 24 Qualifying, the battle for the Daily Druid’s Karelan Wooden Spoon may see a final twist. Hockey Canada is still a clear favorite to win the Spoon, having achieved one more scoreless draw than eleven other teams. But they will not win it unchallenged. A recently released article in the Bedistan Sports Digest revealed the intention of Bedistan Lions’ coach Mike Davidson to make a final attempt at winning the Spoon.

“I think it’s a bit lame that they’re disguising their ambition as an act of generosity though,” Spruitland coach Cor Bensen says. “Spruitlanders get disgusted by defensive football just as much as anyone else, but when we won the Spoon, we didn’t make our ambition a secret. Doing despicable things just to win an award is nothing to be ashamed of!”

Bedistan’s ambition may cause a dilemma in Hockey Canada. The Hockey Canadians are already ensured of a first place finish in the Spoon race, but will now have to decide whether they want to allow the Bedistanis alongside them. To prevent that, they will have to give up their last chance of qualifying for the World Cup Finals though, as they need to win their last match to stand a chance at a play-off spot.

“They’d probably best go for another 0-0,” Bensen says. “Let’s face it, even if they do – by some miracle – snatch that play-off spot, and even if they do – by a second miracle – get into the World Cup Finals, they’re just gonna be group fodder anyway. It might be another fifty years before they get a chance to win anything again, they’d be smart to secure the Spoon instead of sharing it with Bedistan. I mean, what good is half a Spoon? Even if you do get the bottom half, it’s just gonna slip into the kettle.”

Praying2God

01-09-2005, 06:07

MYSTERY OVER SUPPOSED WALKER-LARSON SIGHTING RESOLVED

The rumored sighting of Warriors stars keeper Sarah Walker and forward Thomas Larson in Praying2God's fanciest resteraunt turned out to be a case of mistaken identity. The people that resteraunt patrons believed to be Walker and Larson were actually Praying2God President Tim Larson and his wife, Katie, Thomas' parents. The long and the short of it is that the level of the relationship between Thomas Larson and Sarah Walker remains a mystery that appears to have no imminent conclusion.

PRAYING2GOD TO WELCOME ALL EXILES FROM HOCKEY CANADA

The Praying2God government issued a statement yesterday upon hearing reports that the nation of Hockey Canada was threatening to revoke the citizenship of those in Hockey Canada who are immigrants from nations that could keep Hockey Canada from qualifying for WC XXIV. In its outrage at the injustice of that rumor, the Praying2God government felt that it was necessary to issue a statement to those in danger of being exiled that they would be welcome to come to Praying2God, where they would be in no danger of ever being exiled over anything so trivial as a soccer match. There has been no word from any residents of Hockey Canada that are in any danger yet as to their plans if they are indeed exiled as rumored. We will keep you informed of any breaking developments.

Tadjikistan

01-09-2005, 07:33

Everythings ok
Or not?

Well, the Tigers wanted win in Lethislavania but things didnt go the way they wanted. The Lethislavanians had more reason to fight harder for every point left and managed to kep the Tadjiks at bay and yes, even score the only goal of the match.

It wasnt what we planned, definitly not.' Bahrom Sadirov Commented on the Tadjik loss 'After all these wins we appearantly forgot that others still have to get their qualification. I find it dissapointing that mr Juneau believes we would do this on purpose. Of all people in the World Cup we are the ones that you can always trust. I expected ore understanding from their side.' Rezvon Sadirov now tried to squeeze in a word 'Guess we'll just have to forget what we said and try to win the last one for ourselves. We are close to finishing in first position, why squander it? We should serve our public and not our enemies.'

Thats seems to be reason enough to expect a nice match, a though fight for the last points and although they are more important to the Spruitland Wabbits than to the Tadjikistan Tigers, both sides will try equally hard to get them. And then everything will depend upon Total n Utter Insanity.

Fixtures:
MD1: Tadjikistan - New Montreal States W 3-1
MD2: Shearer Heaven - Tadjikistan D 0-0
MD3: Tadjikistan - Taken Names W 2-0
MD4: Lox land Island - Tadjikistan D 1-1
MD5: Total n Utter Insanity - Tadjikistan L 3-0
MD6: Tadjikistan - Lethislavania W 1-0
MD7: Spruitland - Tadjikistan W 1-2
MD8: New Montreal States - Tadjikistan W 1-4
MD9: Tadjikistan - Shearer Heaven W 2-1
MD10:Taken Names - Tadjikistan W 0-1
MD11:Tadjikistan - Lox Land Island W 4-3
MD12:Tadjikistan - Total n Utter Insanity W 1-0
MD13:Lethislavania - Tadjikistan L 1-0
MD14:Tadjikistan - Spruitland

Group 3
Lethislavania 1 - 0 Tadjikistan
Spruitland 2 - 2 Total n Utter Insanity
New Montreal States 2 - 1 Shearer Heaven
Lox Land Island 0 - 1 Taken Names

Group 3 Pl W D L F A Pts GD
Tadjikistan 13 9 2 2 21 12 29 +9 Q
Total n Utter Insanity 13 8 4 1 26 10 28 +16 Q
Spruitland 13 6 2 5 23 21 20 +2
Lethislavania 13 5 4 4 16 16 19 0
New Montreal States 13 3 5 5 13 23 14 -10 E
Taken Names 13 4 1 8 13 16 13 -3 E
Lox Land Island 13 3 2 8 15 23 11 -8 E
Shearer Heaven 13 2 4 7 15 21 10 -6 E

Bettia

01-09-2005, 10:08

Thursday 1st September 2005
Dear diary...

These are nervy times for the Blessed Realm of Bettia. We're on the brink of qualifying for our first World Cup, but our shite run of form is making things difficult for us.

We went into the game with Audioslavia knowing we had to win to stand a chance of finishing second. Unfortunately those pesky Bulls wreen't feeling too generous and they came here all serious. I guess they didn't fancy the playoffs much either.

Despite the large gap in rank, we were pretty evenly-matched throughout. At times, it looked like the game would end in a stalemate, whilst at other times we were going end-to-end. It must've been good for the neutrals, but you could realy feel the tension in the stadium.

Audioslavia scored about half-an-hour into the game. Hellstrom took a rather weak shot which got deflected away for a corner, which was taken by Jeroen on the right. He crossed the ball, aiming for the penalty spot where a couple of his team-mates were waiting along with some of our lads. They all jumped up similtaneously (I really hope I spelt that right) and unfortunately for us, it was their number 8 who got to it first - his header was just out of Ricardo's reach.

The ding-dong battle carried on the second half for a while, but as the half went on the Bulls decided to defend their lead and shut up shop. The boss realised this was do-or-die and changed us to a 4-2-4, but it didn't do any good - in the end their defence was too strong.

So we lost again. Arse. That means we can't qualify automatically.

But Bedistan and PopularFreedom won as well. Hooray! Now we just need the Bulls to do us a favour by not letting Kericia win, and we've qualified for the playoffs. Even if Kericia do win, we can still qualify just by getting a draw. Rumour is the Bedistanis will be playing for a 0-0 draw just to help us get through. I don't think we do 0-0 draws though - we've only gone 0-0 twice in our competitive history. The first was away to Starblaydia in uor very first WC match, and the last was against Kylaai in CofH 14.

So how are our neighbours doing? Well, we know about Bedistan - they've run away with our group, and have only conceded two goals. Thats only to be expected. Maybe we can help them concede a third, and perhaps even a fourth. Who knows? Cockbill Street have already qualified, but they're locked in a struggle with Oaker to see who finishes first. They have a much better goal difference, so that could be crucial.

Nedalia are looking good, they might even qualify in second place as long as they win and Squornshelous lose. Spruitland are looking equally promising, and just need to equal or better Lethislavania's result to finish in third place.

But what about Hypocria? What on earth has happened there? For the love of all things football-shaped, they're better than Southern Manchester, Klakistany, Ruventsoria or Haperd. We all know that. Lets just hope they pick themselves up for AOCAF X - maybe they'll go one better and win it this time.

Ah well, must get back to training. This game's a real biggie.

Bettia 0
Audioslavia 1 (Dvorak 34)

MD1: Bettia 1-1 PopularFreedom (The Gasworks, Gabalfa)
MD2: Viszonia 1-3 Bettia
MD3: Bettia 4-0 San-Lorenzo (Shubunkin Park, Akani Sands)
MD4: Kurumada 0-1 Bettia
MD5: Bettia 3-1 Kericia (The Stamping Ground, Lorshill)
MD6: Audioslavia 2-0 Bettia
MD7: Bedistan 3-1 Bettia (South Coast Arena, Hendersonburg)
MD8: PopularFreedom 2-2 Bettia
MD9: Bettia 3-0 Viszonia (The Campus Ground, Grappenhall)
MD10: San-Lorenzo 1-0 Bettia
MD11: Bettia 1-1 Kurumada (Thamitra Gate, Tamrida)
MD12: Kericia 2-2 Bettia
MD13: Bettia 0-1 Audioslavia (Al-Fath Stadium, Sukatra)
MD14: Bettia vs Bedistan (Stadiwm Bettia, Gabalfa)

Hypocria

01-09-2005, 11:04

New Coach Unveiled

The HFA have officially confirmed that Guylain N’Dumbu-Nsungu’s replacement as national coach will be none other than Sarzonia’s World Cup 22 winning coach Dave Wilson. The fact that Wilson intended to step down as Stars coach after the current campaign has been common knowledge for a while now but it was widely believed that he intended to retire. Instead Wilson applied for the Hypocria vacancy and was offered the post by HFA chief Alex Scott.

It is not certainly when exactly Wilson will take up his new post as he will see out the reminder of Sarzonia’s World Cup campaign. Who knows, he may start his new job with a second World Cup triumph under his belt. In the meantime caretaker coaches Gregory Vidal and Michael de Winter, currently in Jeruselem ahead of the final qualifying match, will remain in charge of the national side and prepare them for the AOCAF tournament and a possible Cup of Harmony campaign.

For the first time in weeks smiles have returned to the faces of Hypocria’s football fans. They’ve watched some dismal performances of late but the recent win of Crystilakere, only the third win of the campaign and the first at home, and news of Dave Wilson’s appointment has seen a renewed sense of optimism return to the fans. They now look forward to the next World Cup and a chance to erase memories of recent matches. But in the meantime there is, among other things, an Under-21 World Cup to enjoy, a tournament in which the Hyppos will start as one of the favourites. Now it’s not often we can say that.

Rejistania

01-09-2005, 12:32

The magical camera of RP again follows the discussion on mana.esv.rj. This time for the match against Eauz.

NoChanceForTakil (Totally Unknown): Can you believe this? The Orange-Blues are playing very takilan, extremely takilan! I am so annoyed about this match.

Xexaxuxixoxy (Active Contributor): 5-4-1 is hardly takilan! How would you call a 3-4-3?

NoChanceForTakil (Totally Unknown): Who plays 3-4-3?

Xexaxuxixoxy (Active Contributor): Even the Orange-Blues used to do it in World Cup and 10!

NoChanceForTakil (Totally Unknown): Exactly, it's archaic! No sane country uses it now!

Xexaxuxixoxy (Active Contributor): What about FMJphoenix?

NoChanceForTakil (Totally Unknown): We were talking about sane countries.

KiFromMars (Major Spammer): Troll!

NoChanceForTakil (Totally Unknown): Nah, just here for the fun!

KiFromMars (Major Spammer): Anyway? Are they really so Jesejilan?

INeedALife (Major Spammer): Yes, they are. Both sides play a 5-4-1 so I guess the Hexatux did think something when choosing this formation. Something else than "Coffee! Coffee! Coffee!" I mean!

Tekit_Isi (Netaddict): That's Siki Rej! :P

FromDivensirsk (Mr. Average): I have to agree with NCFT, this match is so horrible! This is... NNNNNNOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!! Eauz scores!

EqualityNow (Active Contributor): Go, Communists! 1:0! 1:0! 1:0!

KiFromMars (Major Spammer): Troll is the word of the day!

EqualityNow (Active Contributor): Hey, this is no official Orange-Blues forum. I am a communist and I am an Eauz fan! Lemme cheer too!

KiFromMars (Major Spammer): There are Eauz fans here? *faints*

FromDivensirsk (Mr. Average): This is evil, the Eauzians attack still they want the 2:0! This is so unkarelan! *switches off the TV is total disgust*

INeedALife (Major Spammer): /me gives FD a chill pill. Attack is unkarelan, so control your anger!

FromDivensirsk (Mr. Average): You are right, but I hoped to see good karelan soccer and now... *disappointed*

KiFromMars (Major Spammer): Now both sides occasionally leave their half. Isn't that evil?

FromDivensirsk (Mr. Average): yes, it is.

KiFromMars (Major Spammer): [ ] you understand irony

Xexaxuxixoxy (Active Contributor): Irony? is that edible? :P

<random comments about Xexaxuxixoxy's pretended stupidity, which last one page>

INeedALife (Major Spammer): JJJJJJJJJJIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEIIIIIIIIIIIII!!!!! 1:1! 1:1! 1:1! Viva Syku'he!

EqualityNow (Active Contributor): Gah! Merde! *random expletives*

CountryOfRise (New member): This is good, you call it bad because!

EqualityNow (Active Contributor): You say that only because of our constant arguing in politics!

CountryOfRise (New member): And because you and they are commies!

EqualityNow (Active Contributor): I am a _*socialist*_, you market-worshipper!

CountryOfRise (New member): Su? Free market not is god!

<random discussion where CountryOfRise is no longer actice because he does not understand what is going on>

KiFromMars (Major Spammer): Xen'la'aru lasane sejil. xen'la'ykora, 'la'viki venil. Lasane'xen'ki'jisu'iln mesu-ma, tani nilha mi'veka alna!* 2:1!

Xexaxuxixoxy (Active Contributor): Great! Sanja Sejil, Sanja Raju! Xen'aru xamjona tekne! Xamjona tekne! Xamjona tekne!*

* Ki and Xexaxu sing the famous rejistanian fan chant, which basically says: We were bad but improved (please note that this already came up in mid-World Cup 9 qualifier) and will be invincible. We will the World Champions!

Hurfordia

01-09-2005, 14:28

Play-off berth secured, but Conures still left reeling

There were mixed feelings today, as Hurfordia secured third place in their qualifying group with a 4-2 win over Nobbsinia. The success was overshadowed, though, by the sudden ilness of manager Peter Langrishe.

50 year old Langrishe collapsed midway through the second half, and was taken to a nearby hospital. No details have been given about what caused his collapse, but he is in a comfortable condition, although he will not be present for the final group game, or the two play-off matches.

Before Langrishe's collapse, Hurfordia had started brilliantly, scoring three times in the first half. The first came after 8 minutes, as the Nobbsinia defence dithered, allowing Denning to steal the ball. His chip into the box found Holsworthy, who controlled the ball on his chest before smashing it home on the turn. A number of other chances were made, with Rawling shooting just wide after 20 minutes, but the next goal came in the 25th minute. Another surging Holsworthy run was cut short by a clumsy challenge. The referee awarded the penalty, and Rawling made no mistake, powering a shot into the top left corner. Five minutes later, another powerful Rawling shot was palmed away by the goalkeeper for a corner. Sulla's outswinging delivery was met by a powerful Woods header, and flew into the net.

Just before half-time, Hurfordia's defence fell asleep, as it has too often in recent games, and allowed Nobbsinia back into the match. O'Halloran and Johnston each left the ball for the other, and an alert Nobbsinian striker took advantage.

The second half started with Hurfordia in the ascendency, and they scored their fourth five minutes in. Sulla's mis-hit free kick fell loose to Holsworthy on the edge of the box, and he powered it in.

It was after the hour that the most dramatic events of the day took place. Nobbsinia had the ball in midfield after a Hurfordian attack broke down. Suddenyl there was a commotion on the Hurfordian bench. It soon beacem apparent that Langrishe had collapsed, and the game was stopped for several minutes as he was treated and removed from the stadium. Unsurprisingly, the match took a downturn after that, with the players just going through the motions. Nobbsinia scored from a free kick in the final minutes, but it made no difference. Hurfordia were in the play-offs, but they could hardly celebrate.

Team
Sedley; O'Halloran, Johnston, Horvath, Woods; Lebrun, Denning, Sulla (Dawkins 60'); Holsworthy, Sargeant, Rawling (Collins 45')

Scorers; Holsworthy 8', 50', Rawling 25', Woods 30',

Sarzonia

01-09-2005, 15:00

Stars tap Owens for coaching job

WOODSTOCK (ASP) -- In a move the Sarzonian national football team hoped would settle down several weeks of calamity, the Incorporated Football Federation slammed shut the job opening for Dave Wilson's replacement by naming his top assistant and former Legalese coach Barry Owens their new head coach.

Owens, 42, will take over the Stars job after the team's World Cup run ends and Dave Wilson officially steps down to take the Hypocria job. Owens said he would give assistant coach Chris Trautwig "every opportunity" to either remain as the top assistant coach or take a job with another team.

"I don't think I need to reinvent the wheel," Owens said at the introductory press conference. "Dave's done a phenomenal job setting this team on the right direction and it'll be my job to just keep things going."

Despite Owens's position as the longtime assistant to Wilson, he is not a head coaching neophyte. In the last-ever campaign by the Legalese national team, Owens was the team's manager and coached the team in their only-ever appearance in the World Cup finals. The Stars routed the Black and Red 3-0 in Owens's only meeting with the team.

That experience was valuable, Owens said.

"Game planning against this team gave me some insights that I wouldn't have had otherwise," he said. "You get a sense for what other teams have to deal with. It gives me a good idea of how to prepare this team a little better."

Owens said each player on the roster would be required to earn their spots, but "that should be a technicality with this team." He said, however, that "Barry Alphonso has played his last game as a Star," responding to the outburst that caused Wilson to kick him off the team.

"He's burnt his bridges," Owen said of his former teammate. "Even if he came crawling back, forget it."

Hurfordia

01-09-2005, 15:22

Hurfordia name caretaker manager

Breaking News: The Hurfordian FA have released details on manager Peter Langrishe, who collapsed druing his team's 4-2 win over Nobbsinia.

Langrishe was taken to a nearby hospital, and was kept in over night for observation. It is believed that he suffered a minor heart-attack, but is in no further danger. However, he has been advised by doctors to take time out from the game, and he will certainly miss the final group game, and the play-offs. What happens after that remains to be seen.

Meanwhile, the HFA have appointed his assitant Conor O'Reilly to takle over. 40 year old O'Reilly has less experience at a national level, but he has previously coached at both Avalon City and Sacred Heart FC, follwing a successful playing career with Corcaigh.

O'Reilly admitted that he was surprised to be offered the post, even on a short term basis.

"Naturally, I'm surprised and flattered. I imagine the FA, in their wisdom, want to appoint someone who knows the current system. I just hope I can carry on where Peter left off."

He sent his best wishes to Peter langrishe, and "White on Green" echoes these sentiments.

Hockey Canada

01-09-2005, 15:28

MD14 Game: Hockey Canada vs. Vilita

Matchups:

Hockey CanadaVilita
World Cups:
0 1
Cup of Harmony Championships:
0 1
Under 21 Championships:
1 1
Atlantian Oceania Championships:
0 2
Qualified for World Cup:
0 9

Looks about even right? Well, that's what Hockey Canadian News Network (HCNN), Hockey Canadian Broadcasting Corporation (HCBC) and Hockey Canadian Random News (HCRN) have posted in their sports shows to show hoe the matchups look heading into Matchday 14. Here's the Lowdown on other groups:

Group 1:

Turori
Nova Britannicus
The Lowland Clans
Pedriana

Things are looking interesting in Group 1 as The Lowland Clans and Pedriana are in a battle for that 3rd-place spot while Turori have locked up 1st and Nova Britannicus has 2nd. A win is crucial for Lowland Clans to qualify, a draw might just be enough as long as Pedriana doesn't win big.

Group 2:

Liverpool England
Lovisa
Bipedal Apes

No question here, Liverpool England Lock up top spot while Lovisa and Bipedal Apes fight for that critical 2nd place finish. 3rd place is a spot niether team wants due to the risk of not qualifying.

Group 3:

Tadjikistan
Total n Utter Insanity
Spruitland
Lethislavania

Well, Tadjikistan and Total n Utter Insanity are fighting for top dog in Group 3 while Spruitland and Lethislavania have their own battle for 3rd spot. Matchday 14 will determine who goes where. It all comes down to this last game in this group.

Group 4:

Starblaydia
Fmjphoenix
Harlesburg
Finrods

Fmjphoenix is giving Starblaydia a run for 1st spot as they're only one point behind them. Harlesburg would need to blow up worse than the Hindenberg if they tie Finrods in points and Finrods kills in Matchday 14. Harlesburg might not need to worry. After all- they have a "u".

Group 5:

Five Civilized Nations
One Red Dot
Kipto-Mare
Casari

It's no contest that Five Civilized Nations have locked up 1st place in group 5. But a surprise was how One Red Dot didn't manage to give FCN a good shot at 1st. Kipto-Mare should hold on to top spot but a loss for them and a win for Casari would spell disaster.

Group 6:

Cockbill Street
Oaker
Hurfordia

Groups like this make my job easy. Cockbill Street and Oaker are locked in a battle for 1st place with 27 points each while Hurfordia secures 3rd spot. Not much happening in this group MD14.

Group 7:

Crystilakere
Jeruselem
Ruventsoria
Southern Manchester
Haperd
Klakistany

Group 7 is a compliacated as Rosie O'Donnell's underpants drawer. Crystilakere locks up 1st while Jeruselem locks 2nd. A large, 4-way battle for that 3rd spot is up for grabs proving matchday 14 to be an entertaining one in this group.

Group 8:

Sarzonia
Commerce Heights
Caprine States
Kylaai

It was no question that Sarzonia would easily qualify in 1st place and Commerce heights in 2nd. But one thing different was Caprine States and Kylaai. Caprine States are 2 points up on Kylaai but with much worse Goal Differential. A loss for Kylaai would mean yet another try at the Cup of Harmony.

Group 9:

EL CID THE HERO
Squornshelous
Nedalia

Ding-dong Nedalia's nearly... I mean... EL CID THE HERO is big in writing and in the qualifying as they take Group 9 without breaking a sweat. Squornshelous take 2nd a bit hard as Nedalia might not be in the Cup of Harmony this year. Easy group to write about here.

Group 10:

Rejistania
Eauz
The Archregimancy

Yet another easy group to write about as the World Cup 23 hosts finish first and second. The Archregimancy (glad I got it right) takes 3rd spot nicely as if to moon the other teams in this group.

Group 11:

Bedistan
Audioslavia
Bettia
Kericia

Bedistan easily takes first spot in Group 11 with Audioslavia Bulls just behind them. Bettia is just two points up on Kericia making this a tight game to decide. Bettia just needs a win or even a tie to qualify. Kericia will need to win big to overcome that -6 Goal Differential.

Group 12:

Vilita
Svecia
Oglethorpia
Hockey Canada
Liamopolis-Liamton

Vilita is being given a good run for top dog in Group 12 by Svecia, who is just one point back of the tropical power. Oglethorpia may be overrun by Hockey Canada if the Canucks win and Ostriches lose. Liamopolis-Liamton would need Hockey Canada to lose and Oglethorpia to lose. Not to mention a win of over 13 goals to qualify.

Druida

01-09-2005, 16:02

Your final matchday qualifying scores (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showthread.php?p=9560231#post9560231) will appear shortly.

Sarzonia

01-09-2005, 17:07

Stars make their own noise, 0:3

Finally, the Sarzonian national team can concentrate on football.

New starting forward Kenny Cooper scored two goals and assisted on Brian Wilson's marker and the Stars won in their final World Cup qualifying match under Coach Dave Wilson, routing Kylaai 0:3 away to close out the World Cup qualifying season on a high note after controvery threatened to drown out the team's successes.

Sarzonia played its second consecutive World Cup qualifying campaign without a loss, going 12-2-0 and outscoring opponents 31-1. The run wasn't as dominant as their World Cup XXIII qualifying run, where they scored 39 goals and earned 40 points, but Dave Wilson will take it.

"We were dominant during qualifying last time, but we struggled in the groups stage and the knockouts," he said. "We didn't really have the same kind of results except for the quarterfinals and then the third placed match against Bedistan. Our work is still ahead of us."

Sarzonia started out looking like a team that was going to stumble through its finale against a Kylaai side that dealt the team its only scoreless draw, but Cooper broke the doldrums in the 39th minute with a soaring header that caromed into the top right corner of the net. The sequence came after a perfect wall pass from midfielder Darwin Russell, and the two player connected as if they'd been playing together all along.

"I just wanted to go in and give a good effort," Cooper said. "I know I've got some big shoes to fill football wise so I just wanted to run around a bit and earn my spot up front."

By the 80th minute, with Sarzonia having scored its third goal six minutes earlier, the only suspense remaining was whether Dave Wilson would send his younger son Kevin onto the pitch with Brian. In the 81st minute, he did, sending him in to replace Russell to the cheers of the small contingent of Stars supporters who braved wartime conditions to attend the match in Kylaai.

"I knew I'd only get a few moments to enjoy this time with my sons," Dave Wilson said. "Kevin has just been added to the team, so it's going to take a little while before he's match fit. But he's done well in the AOCAF tourney according to those in the know about our AOCAF tournament sides. This is not a case of nepotism, I can assure you that."

"I picked him," Incorporated Football Federation Chairman Terry Mangione said. "I told him, 'if he weren't your son, you'd have picked him no questions asked'," and he finally agreed. "Kevin's going to be a big part of the future of this national team. Barry already loves the kid."

"He's going to contend for a spot in the starting 11, not just the national team," Owens said. "He's a lot like his big brother."

Praying2God

01-09-2005, 17:30

WARRIORS HEAD COACH RUSHED TO HOSPITAL

Praying2God Warriors Head Coach Paul Johnson was rushed to the hospital shortly after the Warriors' final match of WC XXIV complaining of severe pain in his head. Upon arrival at the hospital, he was diagnosed as having a severe migrane headache. It is believed that the migrane was caused by the Warriors' miserable play during WC XXIV qualifying. The hospital released a joint statement with the Praying2God Soccer Association stating that Johnson should be ready to go for the Cup of Harmony. Our prayers are with Johnson, as we hope for a speedy recovery and that he won't have to return to the hospital again because of the Warriors' poor play.

Audioslavia

01-09-2005, 17:45

http://www.geocities.com/lifeobrien/bull.txt

Satisfaction
Difficult season for Vilkaous ends on a high note, even if the tune has been slightly dischordant..

Two well-won games, the re-instatement of striker Jan-Arne Hellstrom, and a place in DK/KD24. All's well that ends well? Well its not ended yet, but for the moment Audioslavia's 2nd place is satisfactory for the 'slavians. Vilkaous however has gained something more valuable than top spot - the respect of the fans and the players.

It seems that F.A. Chairman William Branstone's ploy to turn Vilkaous' fortunes worked. By leading the national squad to two embarrassing defeats, Branstone showed the 'slave faithful that really, things could be a lot worse. By comparison, Helmut Vilkaous looks like the guardian angel of the Audioslavian national team.

The hard-earned 1-0 win over Bettia (arguably Audioslavia's strongest performance under Helmut Vilkaous) and the 3-0 annihaltion of Kericia gave Audioslavia a final stat of P14, W8, D3, L3. Its an acceptable record, and the final tally of 27 points puts the 'slaves an unlikely eight points ahead of Bettia, who looked twice as impressive all through qualifying.

Also, F.A. Chairman William Branstone has still yet to be seen since half-time in the Bedistan game last month. There are few people who care of course, but his spotty ginger face is worth looking out for as his mother is offering a £3 reward for finding him.

Oglethorpia

01-09-2005, 18:30

The Bureaucratic Tribune
Presented to you in beautifully generic typeface since 1603

Oglethorpia makes it to playoff, outlasting Hockey Canada

SOMEWHERE (BT) -- Hockey Canada was looking for a victory on matchday 14 to make their way into third place in group twelve, but all they made was a high-scoring draw with Vilita. On the other hand the Ostriches did as little as possible to protect their third place position in the group, losing on both matchday 13 and 14 as well as giving up 6 goals. By that analysis, it's obvious enough Oglethorpia was rather fortunate.

"We could've won or drew to cement our place -- those results are 66% of those possible, and obviously preferable," said statistician Ken Pink. "You'd think, if say the whole thing were an elaborately calculated sham and we're all fake people, that at least in one of those two matchdays one of 'em would show up." But indeed, they did not. Naysayers call it a bad omen.

"Nonsense," retorted Torrence Black. "They're just getting the losses out of them. Now it's time to win win win!" Going into the two-leg playoff the Ostriches face a strong squad from Bettia, visiting them first before the match in the Bureaucratic States.

"They are rather evenly matched, going by their qualifying records," commented OAF Pres Joe Staplin. "But trusty Oglethorpia should fall flat on their face in the upcoming two matches."

Oglethorpian hopes for the tragic (and yet advantageous) deaths of the entirety of the starting eleven for both Svecia and Vilita mid-match by lightning strike fell through -- but the coaches are still hopeful.

"We're still hopeful," remarked assistant coach Calc Whereson.

Oglethorpia's hopes are now focused on the upcoming two matches that will make or break their qualifying hopes, a hypothetical qualification a big deal after having missed the past three Cups the nation has been in. Only the Bettia-Oglethorpia playoff shall tell.

Bipedal Apes

01-09-2005, 18:48

Bipedal Times
Trans-border newspaper of the RBA

Lovisa footily defoots Two-Footers

By Bonga

Lovisaville, Lovisa—Things in footie world returned to normal yesterday as Lovisan national side unceremoniously smacked-down RBA squad three-nil before 25,000 lukewarm human supporters. “They one of the best sides in the world,” commented coach Ms. Throckspartle after match, “but people not all that interested in footie, here.” Loss put RBA at 7&8-1-6&5 and third in group two, meaning they play off against The Lowland Humans for spot in finals.

Playoffs should make for good footie, as Lowland All-Stars and Two-Footers are well-matched. Though Lowlands are ranked 40th in world to RBA’s 57th ranking, Two-Footers’ two wins over 33rd Liamist States in qualifiers bode well for chances. Ms. Throckspartle will take squad to Lowlands next week to prepare for first match; second will follow in Bananaton. After two footie matches, sides have big free-for-all banana fight to see who go to World Cup proper.

Tribuana still on team, but for how long, no one knows. He didn’t score against Lovisa, but no one did, really. Ms. Throckspartle under a lot of pressure from RBACFA to keep him on side so we probably see him stay for playoffs. If he does well, maybe finals too; if not, Throckspartle probably have enough leverage to axe him. Time and male’s footie skills will tell.

Final score:
Lovisa 3 (22, 54, 71)
Republic of Bipedal Apes 0

Tadjikistan

01-09-2005, 19:44

Everyone gets what they asked for
Tadjiks are first and Spruitlanders go to Play offs, arent we all happy!

The Spruitland Wabbits were angry with Tadjikistans failure to win in Lethislavania, but Rezvon and Bahrom Sadirov did not care much about their complaints. When leaving the TNFF headquarters they confirmed it by saying: 'Tadjikistans qualification and ranking, that is what we are hired for and that is what we will work on, all the rest is subordinate'

And that attitude was seen on the Tadjik side during the match, Tadjik players worked their asses of to give their own audience a nice show and a good result. And nobody complained, well nobody in the Tadjik half, we can imagine things would be different on the Spruitlandian side.

The Tadjiks took a good start, with some quick moves over the flanks. Their first shots were stopped by the legs of some defenders or Simon Briers himself. But a persistent Salenko pushed through and made a first goal in the 28th minute giving The Tadjiks a comfortable lead.

The Tigers didnt hold on to it for long as Spruitland equalized in the last minutes of the first half. For once noone shouted at the players when they got to the locker room after the first half, The Sadirov brothers were already content with Tadjikistans qualification and saw the first place in Group 3 as a bonus rather than a requirement. None the less, Zytsev and Szarmach replaced Bayerenov and Kirov for the second half. When opting for these particular players it becomes clear that the sadirovs wanted to move forward, the young Szarmach was always eager to prove himself and would, no doubt, be found near the Spruitland box.

The Tadjiks dominated most of the second half in which they secured their victory with a goal from Szarmach, after a move and assist by Pliiev. They completed their match with a late goal, made by Tanai, who controlled a cornershot with his chest and drove it into the lower right corner of the Wabbits box.

For the Tadjiks this was like the cherry on the pie, the last bonus that completed a good second qualification half, and a definite relief from the first matches. The Sadirov brothers did what they were supposed to and more, Tadjikistan couldnt finish any higher.

Spruitland, although they lost, were just fine. Total n Utter Insanity tied to Lethislavania, equal number of points, equal GD. Spruitlands third place was saved by the fact that they made 24 goals, while Lethislavania made only 18. The latter are already out while Spruitland moves on to the Playoffs where they meet Harlesburg.

Fixtures:
MD1: Tadjikistan - New Montreal States W 3-1
MD2: Shearer Heaven - Tadjikistan D 0-0
MD3: Tadjikistan - Taken Names W 2-0
MD4: Lox land Island - Tadjikistan D 1-1
MD5: Total n Utter Insanity - Tadjikistan L 3-0
MD6: Tadjikistan - Lethislavania W 1-0
MD7: Spruitland - Tadjikistan W 1-2
MD8: New Montreal States - Tadjikistan W 1-4
MD9: Tadjikistan - Shearer Heaven W 2-1
MD10:Taken Names - Tadjikistan W 0-1
MD11:Tadjikistan - Lox Land Island W 4-3
MD12:Tadjikistan - Total n Utter Insanity W 1-0
MD13:Lethislavania - Tadjikistan L 1-0
MD14:Tadjikistan - Spruitland W 3-1

Group 3
Lethislavania 2 - 2 Total n Utter Insanity
Tadjikistan 3 - 1 Spruitland
New Montreal States 3 - 1 Lox Land Island
Taken Names 3 - 2 Shearer Heaven

Group 3 Pl W D L F A Pts GD
Tadjikistan 14 10 2 2 24 13 32 +11
Total n Utter Insanity 14 8 5 1 28 12 29 +16
Spruitland 14 6 2 6 24 24 20 0
Lethislavania 14 5 5 4 18 18 20 0
New Montreal States 14 4 5 5 16 24 17 -8
Taken Names 14 5 1 8 16 18 16 -2
Lox Land Island 14 3 2 9 16 26 11 -10
Shearer Heaven 14 2 4 8 17 24 10 -7

PopularFreedom

01-09-2005, 21:22

2005-09-01

PopularFreedom troops engage hostile forces in Viszonia
Protects national football squad during their 2-1 victory over the host nation.

International Report from Viszonia - Crack commando troops from PopularFreedom were seen engaging unknown enemy forces on the edges of the city of Fawoni, Viszonia prior to the start of the final world cup match for the PopularFreedom Sharks.

The national army reported that 56 rebels had been killed in the fighting today while two PopularFreedom troops had lost their lives, an additional 12 more had been injured.

The fighting came on the 4th day after the removal of the leader of the nation of Viszonia from power and the culminating declaration of indepedence by various regions within the nation.

PopularFreedom forces, to our knowledge, were acting for their own interests and had not been requested by any of the multiple factions involved in the fighting.

According to a spokeperson for the army, at just after 9am numerous armoured units were seen approaching the city from the west along the main highway. They were contacted and told to hold their ground. Upon ignorance of this request they were intercepted approximately 15 kilometres from the border of the city. It was at this time that they opened fire upon PopularFreedom forces, PopularFreedom forces returned fire and a fierce firefight lasted throughout the morning and into the afternoon.

Initial reports indicated 56 rebel soldiers had died though pictures at the scene seemed to indicate a much greater number had perished than the PopularFreedom government was reporting.

Meanwhile the world cup match between PopularFreedom and Viszonia went off without a hitch. Our boys were able to score early with John Collins scoring at the five minute mark, and again at the 14 minute mark to help our boys come out on top. Viszonia managed to get a goal in the 89th minute to make things interesting however that was as close as they came.

As soon as the final whistle went the PopularFreedom forces at the game gathered up the Shark players and quickly whisked them to awaiting helicopters which flew them immediately home. Though most were still unaware as to the firefight that was being undertaken by PopularFreedom forces to the west of the city some players had managed to figure out that the situation was far more critical than anyone had informed them of to that point.

Kylaai

01-09-2005, 21:38

http://www.nationstates.net/images/flags/uploads/kylaai.jpgThe Reformed Islands of Kylaai

Goalkeeper: Mandoo Nania
Defenders: Lital Tirar, Hito Burrito, Vito Frito, Max
Midfielders: Rising Sun, Macala Moria, Tennence Fleiam, Norada-Fell
Attackers: Mazu Kazu, Vlanti Vimorta

Kylaai do not qualify this time

Kylaai have finished in fourth place which is not good news for the Kylaai team. In this world cup only the first three teams will get to play. Kylaai did not do great and lost to Sarzonia 3-0 on the last game when it was required for the Kylaai to win. It was Kylaai who scored 13 goals in 14 games which is not good enough to be a team in the top three and the finals. It will be next world cup when Kylaai must improve on the ability to score and if they can score the goals then it will be Kylaai to win games and make the top three. It may be time for Kylaai to get some new players when it looks like some of Kylaai Hito Burrito and Vito Frito are very much getting bad. It will be Kylaai with two new defenders in the next world cup.

Group 8 Pl W D L F A Pts GD
Sarzonia 14 12 2 0 31 1 38 +30
Commerce Heights 14 8 2 4 20 12 26 +8
Caprine States 14 7 1 6 14 17 22 -3
Kylaai 14 4 5 5 13 15 17 -2
Scorthona 14 4 4 6 13 16 16 -3
Disjoepia 14 5 1 8 15 19 16 -4
Brazillico 14 4 3 7 17 24 15 -7
Chileany 14 2 2 10 12 31 8 -19

Kylaai would like to thank the nation of Bettia to design the new Kylaai team. Kylaai are no longer a nudest nation even though they used to be and now wear clothes. Bettia has given Kylaai the clothes they will be wearing for the world cup, and here is a look at them. The new clothes are very nice and we are thankful for them.

http://i6.photobucket.com/albums/y231/bettia/kylaai.jpg

Hypocria

01-09-2005, 23:10

Maybe Next Time

It was an odd campaign. The media head predicted 12 points from the first four games, against the lower ranked teams in the group. But Hypocria’s start was woeful as defeat followed defeat as Southern Manchester, Klakistany and 0-0 is Evil piled pressure on the coach and effectively ended any change of qualification after just a handful of games.

Wins did come, in fixtures where they weren’t expected. The Hyppos took all the points from Ruventsoria, the group’s success story, and higher ranked Haperd (but naturally lost both homes games against the same opposition). More points were dropped against teams ranked over 100 places below Hypocria and Crystilakere hammered the Hyppos 4 - 0. A home defeat to Haperd was the final straw and Guylain N’Dumbu-Nsungu was sacked with two games left and the Hyppos bottom of the group.

Naturally, with any hopes of qualification long gone, we started to play well. The first game after the sacking former World Champions Crystilakere were beaten at the Hyppodrome, the one and only home win of the campaign, and in the final match the Hyppos went to second placed Jeruselem and won 1 - 0. Admittedly , with a Finals place already secured, home coach Bob Devis rested a number of his first choice players but we won’t dwell on that. The win, thanks to Alex Liberda’s fourth goal of the campaign, lifted Hypocria into sixth above 0-0 is Evil and Haperd, who had an even worse time than the Hyppos.

The Jeruselem/Hypocria match had nothing riding on it as both sides already knew their respective fates but the same could not be said of the rest of the games with four sides still in contention for that playoff place. Ruventsoria were in that coveted third place going into their game in Klakistany and the Lions picked up a hard fought point from a 2 - 2 draw but would it be enough? Well yes actually as Haperd didn’t offer a challenge as they crashed 4 - 0 to the Crystils while Southern Manchester blew their chance after a home defeat to bottom side 0-0 is Evil. Leaving the table looking something like this . . .

Group 7 Pl W D L F A Pts GD
Crystilakere 14 11 1 2 34 7 34 +27
Jeruselem 14 7 2 5 22 13 23 +9
Ruventsoria 14 4 7 3 21 22 19 -1
Southern Manchester 14 5 2 7 14 21 17 -7
Klakistany 14 4 4 6 17 21 16 -4
Hypocria 14 4 4 6 12 18 16 -6
Haperd 14 4 3 7 18 24 15 -6
0-0 Is Evil 14 3 5 6 13 25 14 -12
Not exactly pleasant viewing but two games ago we were rock bottom so it’s a slight improvement.

Spruitland

01-09-2005, 23:15

http://i5.photobucket.com/albums/y197/Spruitland/sportsgazette.jpg

Too close for comfort

Tadjikistan 3 - 1 Spruitland

Nope, the title is not referring to the match against Tadjikistan, which wasn’t nearly close enough for the Wabbits. The one-all half time score was promising, but Spruitland was nowhere to be found in the second half, resulting in a clear 3-1 score. Right winger Samson Trouwel saved the honor for Spruitland with a consolation goal from 25 yards out, just before half time.

And as it turned out, Trouwel’s goal did a bit more than saving Spruitland’s honor. When the Tadjik stadium announcer called the final score of the Lethislavania vs. TnUI match – 2-2 – there were a few seconds of silence while every Spruitlander did the math. But then came the – first hesitant, then confirmed – celebrations. Lethislavania pulled alongside on points, but Trouwel’s goal kept the Wabbits equal on goal differential, meaning Spruitland hung on to third place by having scored more goals.

“Damn, what a relief,” a barechested Trouwel said, having tossed his shirt into the stands to the handful of Spruitland supporters that had bothered to make the journey. “Losing three-nil or three-one doesn’t seem to matter much. Then it turns out it was a vital goal. Makes your heart skip a beat when you realize that.”

Two play-off matches now await the Wabbits, with a place in the World Cup Finals at stake. Opponent will be Harlesburg (still with a u), which is a cause for optimism among Spruitland supporters. Striker Dirk Jools sums it up nicely.

“Should be a walk in the park,” Jools says. “Those Harlesburgers may have made it to the Finals last time, but they haven’t exactly been impressive this time around. Well, they can go be unimpressive in the Cup of Harmony, while we go on to play with the big boys.”

Casari

01-09-2005, 23:37

CasariONENews

KM/ORD Tie Leaves Casari in Cold
3 goal difference sends KM ahead

"One Red Doit is stupid and we hate them. They should have won." A nameless fan said today to one of our reporters.

The nation has turned to a slightly sour note now that Casari was ofically eliminated from World Cup qualifying today, on the final matchday.

"It's a dissapointment, to be sure, but it has to be said that we performed much better than anyone could have expected." Manager Hill said today in her final press confrence of the campaign. "In any note, we must hope that Hurfordia tears KM limb from limb and leaves the field a bloody mess tomorrow, and that One Red Dot is also crushed in the World Cup Proper.

Casari ended with 21 points and a record of 6-3-5, which is nice to look at but not much consolation for the fans of Casari. The 21 goals for and against were promising too.

"Anyway, we're proud of how we did, we're excited that we have such a strong basis for our launching point next time around, and I'm happy that there were no riots like we so often have in domestic football."

Both international and Casari-based airlines are reporting that many tickets have been purchased to locations of future KM and ORD games, continuing the Casari tradition of hoping to see the people who beat you get mindlessly slaughtered.

New Montreal States

01-09-2005, 23:38

MIMES TAKE THE BISCUIT

Paladins close dismal campaign with 3-1 win over LLI

NEW MONTREAL - The newly appointed team of mimes have done well enough in the final two (meaningless) games, beating LLI last night.

Yeah, I'm through. I got nothing to say about this game. Bring on the CoH. Grrr.

Rejistania

01-09-2005, 23:45

A thread exists in the mana.esv.rj forum about the Spaam match:

KiFromMars (Major Spammer): Again time for an international match! AFAIK Inal is live in Spaam, ENVY!

Xexaxuxixoxy (Active Contributor): Inal is in Spaam? Come on! He'd need a life for that!

KiFromMars (Major Spammer): He told me in query. I am shocked as well as you, Xexa!

Xexaxuxixoxy (Active Contributor): Inal out of the net? Tell that to someone else!

ADVANSIDSHENSA! (Active Contributor): Inal told me he goes online from there! He has a mobile phone and a net access!

KiFromMars (Major Spammer): What are the prices?

ADVANSIDSHENSA! (Active Contributor): Ask Inal!

VikiHakim (Mr. Average): Ki, insanely high!!

KiFromMars (Major Spammer): Can you be more vague?

VikiHakim (Mr. Average): Maybe :P

Tekit_Isi (Netaddict): http://konihekta.jsk.rj/ils?id=68914

KiFromMars (Major Spammer): ty!

INeedALife (Major Spammer): Heya, I am here in Spaam in the 900k stadium. It's called 900k because 900k people fit in. Why am I saying this? Because I am in one of the parts, most away from the field. Beside me, people are using binoculars and telescopes! I use binoculars too, but the view is insanely bad!

Mana.esv.rj (admin): okay, I have to verify this insanity! This'd be a first time in entire forum history!

INeedALife (Major Spammer): What will be prize for this be? :P

Mana.esv.rj (admin): What about: A custom title?

INeedALife (100% addicted): Hey, that sounds... 1337! EDIT: w00t! But now logoff!

KiFromMars (Major Spammer): Anyone wants to guess how much that costed Inal?

<wild guessing starts, wild arguing, 2 flamewars about exchange rates, roaming treaties and different things start to flare, admin has to ban 2 users>

Tekit_Isi (Netaddict): Sorry to hijack this flamewar, but has the match already ended?

AntiAO (Lurkpower from the dark): Yes

Tekit_Isi (Netaddict): What is the score?

AntiAO (Lurkpower from the dark): 0:0

ADVANSIDSHENSA! (Active Contributor): For whom?

Tekit_Isi (Netaddict): You are dumb! it's a scoreless draw!

ADVANSIDSHENSA! (Active Contributor): Oh, I read the first 0 as a 8!

Commerce Heights

02-09-2005, 00:59

The Aeropag Tribune—We just can’t stop mentioning Sarz**ia

World Cup: Capitalizts wrap up qualifying with unfortunate deja vu
SONOMA CENTER, NA—Even with the Capitalizts already qualified for World Cup 24 in Druida and Krytenia—or is it Krytenia and Druida?—fans packed Anaphase Alchemy Arena to witness one last match, against “some random nation,” in the words of CHFF official 金正日 (Gim Jeong-il). The 0–1 surprise the team faced in Caprine States was sure not to be repeated. Or so they said.
Young defender Μόρας Παπαβασιλόπουλος, confused by the poorly-drawn lines on the field (the job was outsourced to cheap Abysmali workers), was caught out of position for the first few minutes of the match, allowing an unidentified Caprinian player to give his team a 1–0 lead. Although the team’s front four fought valiantly to score over the rest of the game, they struggled to even get near the goal. José Albert, now known to many as “the Abysmal Jenji Y,” got the only shot on goal for the Capitalizts in second half injury time, but his shot was saved by the Caprinian goalkeeper. After the match, coach Paul Iñaki admitted that he was “horribly wrong” when he said at the beginning of the season that Sarzonia was the only major threat to the team, and wished Caprine States luck during their qualifying playoff.
An hour later, when Sarzonia–Kylaai match finished, the team saw the final Group 8 qualifying table. Though most of the players were frustrated by Sarzonia’s place ahead of the Capitalizts, Albert remained cool. “Hey, look, there’s my goal!” he said, pointing to the 1 in the goals against column for Sarzonia. When asked if he was concerned about the first round of the Cup proper, Iñaki dismissed the question. “The qualifiers were the real test,” he said. “Though we couldn’t beat Sarzonia, we did hold the number one team in the world to a draw, and put one more goal past Horace than anyone else did. If it doesn’t get any easier from this point, it certainly won’t be harder!”
Commerce Heights 0
Caprine States 1 (unknown 2)—FT

The Archregimancy

02-09-2005, 01:35

Group 10
Wella 1 - 2 Rejistania
Eauz 2 - 1 Spaam
The Archregimancy 2 - 1 Kaze Progressa
Jewish Citizens 0 - 3 Poppuli

THE ARCHREGIMANCY BRINGS YOU

WORLD CUP TONIGHT

The World Cup Wrap-Up Show with Fr. Nicholas the Scribe and Fr. John the Golden-Throated

"Welcome to the show. I'm Fr. Nicholas the Scribe, and we have a lot to cover tonight, on this the final day of World Cup group matches. Fr. John"

"Yes indeed, we're having to cut back the highlights in order to cover as much as possible."

"But hopefully you can still talk us through tonight's match"

"I'll try. There was a fevered atmosphere in the Dreamed Stadium following the Holy Synod's late decision to allow Kaze Progressa to bring any practitioners of the foul rite of Excelitism to the Archregimancy. But they didn't get a very friendly welcome, oh no..."

[camera cuts to footage of stadium. 40,000 monks are howling in outrage at the Excelites while waving banners with such snappy slogans as:

Cast out the Excelites!

Excelitism is worse than Sabellianism!

Simon Magus - Father of Excelitism!

and, covering the entire area behind the home goal,

Excelites will burn in torment on the Day of Judgement along with heretics, blasphemers, freemasons, communists, and others who have either fallen away from the Mother Church or who fail to heed the Call of Christ our Lord. Oh yes they will! ]

"Hmm. I see. But I understand there was a carrot to go with the proverbial stick, Fr. John"

"Yes, all visiting supporters were provided with a free copy of the Divine Liturgy, so they could follow along before kick-off, and a blessed icon of St. Margaret of Antioch - don't want them to feel uncomfortable, after all"

"And the game itself?"

"A straightforward affair, and largely meaningless since we'd already made the playoffs. Merely pride at stake - especially since we didn't want to be the only team to qualify with a losing record! [this section presented over the relevant footage] Fr. Silouan gave us the lead in the 15th minute with a sublime volley following some attractive approach play from Fr. Polycarp and Fr. David. Then Kaze Progressa equalised on the stroke of half-time after yet another communication at the back between Fr. Dmitri and Fr. Michael the Greater - something which we have to work on. Finally, in the 56th minute, our by now standard ploy of sending corners in to the towering Fr. Michael the Greater paid dividends when Fr. David the Water-Drinker took advantage of the resulting havoc to poke the loose ball past the Progressan 'keeper. And with that, we can turn our attention away from the defeated and misguided Excelite heathens - who need trouble our thoughts no further - and look at the playoffs, God be praised."

"Yes, and that all came down to Nedalia's home game against Squornshelous - which Squornshelous won 2-1, meaning we're facing Nedalia. Any thoughts there?

"Well, I don't think there's a monk in the Archregimancy who wanted to face Squornshelous. Nedalia are hardly pushovers - in fact they must be overhwhelming favourites to beat us over two legs - but at least we have the outside chance of an upset. Look, we never thought we'd even make the playoffs, but here we are. Nedalia are probably happy to be facing an unranked team sharing the worst goal difference of any play-off contender (along with those soul-less idol worshippers in Bipedal Apes), but - as we said at the beginning of this process - through the Lord all things are possible.

"Indeed they are, Fr. John, indeed they are"

"And fall away from the path of righteousness, and you might have a World Cup campaign to match that of Kaze Progressa, Wella, or Spaam"

"Erm, what about the success of Rejistania and Eauz?"

"The Lord often works in mysterious ways, Fr. Nicholas...."

Group 10 Pl W D L F A Pts GD
Rejistania 14 12 2 0 38 5 38 +33
Eauz 14 10 2 2 32 13 32 +19
The Archregimancy 14 6 3 5 18 22 21 -4
Poppuli 14 5 2 7 15 17 17 -2
Kaze Progressa 14 4 2 8 16 23 14 -7
Wella 14 4 2 8 18 27 14 -9
Spaam 14 4 1 9 14 21 13 -7
Jewish Citizens 14 4 0 10 12 35 12 -23

Group 9
Nedalia 1 - 2 Squornshelous
EL CID THE HERO 4 - 1 Oliverry
Trianland 2 - 3 Tonissia
Groba 2 - 2 Palixia

Group 9 Pl W D L F A Pts GD
EL CID THE HERO 14 11 2 1 36 9 35 +27
Squornshelous 14 9 3 2 21 8 30 +13
Nedalia 14 8 1 5 22 17 25 +5
Tonissia 14 6 2 6 15 25 20 -10
Oliverry 14 6 0 8 16 24 18 -8
Groba 14 4 4 6 20 25 16 -5
Palixia 14 3 1 10 17 26 10 -9
Trianland 14 2 1 11 13 26 7 -13

New Montreal States

02-09-2005, 03:46

//OOC: Archregimacy, how do you explain the sudden collapse of the largely Orthodox NMS squad from third place at the end of the 1st half to a distant 5th?//

IT'S OFFICIAL - MIMES TO PLAY CUP OF HARMONY

Ministry of Morale announces the appointment of a mime squad to play CoH

NEW MONTREAL - The Minstry of Morale has confirmed the appointment of an all-mime squad to play in the Cup of Harmony on behalf of the Paladins.

The Cup of Harmony, is, of course, a way to make all the people who weren't good enough for the real world cup feel better about their miserable failures. But we're in anyway.

Rumors of a hosting bid are completely unconfirmed, and the Ministry would only say that "we're looking at it; we need to find a decent co-host, and we're gonna wait for the end of the playoffs before putting anything foward."

Further listing of the mimes who had made the team were waiting for an international roster list before posting. However, expect to see many of the same players who played the last two games in qualifiers.

The Ministry has unearthed William Branstone of Audioslavia to serve as head manager of the mime team, with the understanding that "two straight loss and his ass is grass."

All Branstone had to say was: "I got a second chance, and soon the world will be lining up to kiss our triumphant asses. I anticipate Audioslavia getting bounced in the round-robin of the World Cup Finals while we go on to glorious victory in the CoH. Thank you."

//OOC: Nothing personal, Audioslavia, just needed to do something interesting for the CoH. If you want him back for your own uses please TG me and I'll fire him.//

The Archregimancy

02-09-2005, 04:19

Somewhere deep in the Archregimancy....

"...giving thanks for our extraordinary qualification for the World Cup playoffs"

"But Fr. Polyeuctus, how do you explain the footballing failure of our Orthodox brethren in New Montreal States? Surely you're not saying that we have been especially favoured by the Lord while our fellow Orthodox suffer?"

"Of course not, young man - for an explanation, let's go to Fr. Seraphim the Occasionally Dangerously Free-Thinking Theologian..."

"Thanks, Fr. Polyeuctus. Glad to help. You see, no one's claiming here that Orthodox footballers are especially favoured by the Lord. There's nothing more exasperating than an athlete who crosses the finish line and then proceeds to provide a sanctimonious lecture on how God obviously wanted him or her to win. Ugh. Makes me want to vomit. Obviously the Lord has some sort of plan for the Archregimancy just as He has some sort of plan for New Montreal States. What that plan might be, I wouldn't even begin to dare to guess, but it involves us making the playoffs, while our Brothers in Christ in NMS don't. It's not for us to question why, but to accept it, and reflect upon the lessons learned. But adherence to the Orthodox Church alone doesn't, and shouldn't, guarantee sporting success. Of course I feel for New Montreal States - is there a footballing fan in the Archregimancy who doesn't - but they should console themselves with this thought: suffering is good for the soul, and on that basis the team - nay, the entire nation - is much better off for doing badly. Though might I also add that spectacularly breaching the Sixth Commandment by massacring the entire first XI when they underperform generally isn't seen as the best way of increasing one's chances of Divine favour..."

"Thanks, Fr. Seraphim!"

"Not at all, Fr. Polyeuctus"

Shearer Heaven

02-09-2005, 09:30

We Got A Good Start Then.....We Sucked!
Shearer Heaven Eliminated.

Well we expected to be eliminated but when we got third place we thought we had a chance, we got cocky and ended up losing every single game after we got third place , but (sighs) thats life......

Shearer Said This

Well were signing up for the cup of Harmony(We were obdviously eliminated)
and WC25 so we"ll have another go, we got a good start and when we got third i thought we"ll just have to keep hold of third but, we played crap afterwards and we got cocky

Signing up For The Cup Of Harmony
and WC25

Bettia

02-09-2005, 12:06

Thursday 1st September 2005
Dear diary...

Bulls are marvellous. Bulls are great. Oh yes. Especially when they do your team a massive favour simply because you can't be bothered to do it yourselves.

Yes dear diary, we lost AGAIN. This bad run of form is really starting to worry me. Okay, so we were playing Bedistan, but losing two home games on the trot is no good to us at all. Thankfully, Audioslavia swept past Kericia to make sure its us who finish in third and not them.

As usual, we started off pretty well. I had a good chance after quarter of an hour, but put my shot wide. Judson had a good run on goal, but was tackled at the last minute by some strange looking bloke in a blond wig. Bedistan had their chances as well, but it was 0-0 at half-time.

While we were having our team-talk, the news was leaked to us that Audioslavia were winning. 'Great' we thought, 'that means it doesn't matter how we do'. Well, it seemed like that anyway, cos the Lions were all over us in the second half.

They took the lead thanks to that girl in defence. I'm pretty sure this was a girl this time, not that tranvestite who I tackled in the away match. Bedistan had a corner, and she was the first one to get a head onto it.

Gareth said he could have headed it out easily but her perfume made his eyes water. Yeah right, a likely story.

It wasn't too long before they went two-up, thanks to a rather soft bit of defending. Tony Orr had a bit of a run down the centre, nutmegged Coatesey, sidestepped Ricardo and slotted it home. Despite a few chances, we couldn't get through their classy defence and so it finished 2-0 to the Lions.

Ah well, we're not licked yet. If we can just make it through the playoffs, we're on our way to Druida and Krytenia (again). So who have we got? Oglethorpia. What do I know about the nation of Oglethorpia? According to my encyclopaedia, their captial is Megalopolis, their currency is the Parcel, and they speak a form of english where 'good' and 'mood' are pronounced the same. I wonder how many Parcels I can get to the Groat?

Silli seems to think it's called Oglethorpia because its populated by peeping toms. I'll let her know when I get back from the away leg... a sure-fire sign will be the state of their garden fences. If they mostly have conveniently-located holes in them, my sis might be onto something.

Anyway, back to footy. Oglethorpia finished with one more point than us, so we're playing at home first. The FAB have announced the match is being played at Stadiwm Bettia again. That's good, the more fans we can get cheering for us, the better. We're ranked higher than them with a points difference of five or so, so that might give us an advantage. Then again, we haven't won in five games so that'll count against us.

Hypocria won again, which is good - at least they finished with a bit of a flourish. Nedalia and Spruitland both lost, but they're still safely through to the play-offs. Heh, I wonder what the chances are of us being drawn in the same group as Nedalia again?

We're almost there diary. One final push (or two as the case may be) and we've done it.

Bettia 0
Bedistan 2 (Zamboni 53, Orr 68)

MD1: Bettia 1-1 PopularFreedom (The Gasworks, Gabalfa)
MD2: Viszonia 1-3 Bettia
MD3: Bettia 4-0 San-Lorenzo (Shubunkin Park, Akani Sands)
MD4: Kurumada 0-1 Bettia
MD5: Bettia 3-1 Kericia (The Stamping Ground, Lorshill)
MD6: Audioslavia 2-0 Bettia
MD7: Bedistan 3-1 Bettia (South Coast Arena, Hendersonburg)
MD8: PopularFreedom 2-2 Bettia
MD9: Bettia 3-0 Viszonia (The Campus Ground, Grappenhall)
MD10: San-Lorenzo 1-0 Bettia
MD11: Bettia 1-1 Kurumada (Thamitra Gate, Tamrida)
MD12: Kericia 2-2 Bettia
MD13: Bettia 0-1 Audioslavia (Al-Fath Stadium, Sukatra)
MD14: Bettia 0-2 Bedistan (Stadiwm Bettia, Gabalfa)

PLAYOFFS
1st Leg: Bettia vs Oglethorpia (Stadiwm Bettia, Gabalfa)
2nd Leg: Oglethorpia vs Bettia

Aggregate Score: Bettia ?-? Oglethorpia

Hurfordia

02-09-2005, 12:14

Conures prepare for play-offs

Hurfordia lost their final match in qulifying 1-0 to Limbrogidlia, but still look forward to play-offs for a World Cup berth.

The Conures never really got into their stride, and since they had already secured third place, caretaker manager O'Reilly took the opportunity to blood new players and give the regular team a rest. The relatively inexperienced team lost to a 48th minute goal, but generally gave a good account of themselves. Manning and McConnaghy in particular put in good performances, and may have lifted themselves in the pecking order, but it seems likely that the first team will be back in action for the play-off matches.

Hurfordia's opponents in the play-offs will be Kipto-Mare, who secured third place in group 5, with the first match taking place in Hurfordia's National Stadium.

All in all, it has been a good series of matches, but too often the Hurfordian defence let themselves down. 22 goals against tells its own story, although the attack was often good enough to get a few goals back. At least Hurfordia have the chance to make the World Cup. Their fans just have to hope they take that chance.

Team
Manning; Bristowe, Byrne, Hopkins, Robson; Staples, Dawkins, Burren; Collins, Howard, McConnaghy.

Audioslavia

02-09-2005, 14:05

A non-descript white van pulls up on the North Addensfield docks (a small town 52 miles north of Soundgardia, just on the coast of the Belmoran Sea). From the outside, only two silhouettes are visible in the front of the van. One of them kills the engine, cutting its dull rumble out of the seaside ambience; a few squawking seagulls, the odd couple taking a stroll down the beach (cue Walter Matthau joke) and the distant sound of music coming from the pubs and clubs situated on the far-away pier. One of the silhouetted men opens the door of the van with a click, and pauses. It appears that one of the seagulls' squawking is a lot louder and weirder than it should be. He looks down at the front wheel of the van, tuts, and stamps his foot on the ground. The squawking stops.

With a dull click, the other man opens the door and alights the van. There is a flicker of flame as he sets about burning the vehicle, until he realises that 'alights' doesn't mean 'sets fire to'. Both men skulk slowly round to the back of the van, trying to appear menacing to no-one in paticular. They meet just near the backdoors and, with a nod to each other, throw open the van's doors and flick on two rather bright torches. The light shines on a whimpering, quivering, scared soul. He is quite skinny, quite spotty, and unmistakeably ginger. He appears to be wearing an claret and green tracksuit.
"Out..." says one of the silhoutted figures, and with a quick sob, the ginger man gets out and stumbled onto the floor. The figure attaches his torch to the top of the van, lighting up a small area around the three figures, making the two mysterious men at least partially visible.

The ginger man is unmistakeable. He appears to be William Branstone, a man who just five hours ago was managing the Audioslavia football side. The two other men stand over him, keeping their faces just out of the light. William starts to whimper.
"Who... who.. who are you? Wh.. where am i...?". One of the men kicks him. He doesn't need to do this, but kicking a ginger man is one of life's true pleasures. The two men turn to each other and whisper things to each other. The both kick William once more, just for the hell of it, before crouching down so the small ginger man can see their faces.
"J... J... Jeremy??! but why?! and.... no.... Lee? Lee Branson? Why are you doing this to m..". Lee Branson, the ex Audioslavia manager, kicks William again. For the first time, he starts to speak.
"Shut up. Shut UP for god sake. Do you have any idea why you're here?". William shook his head. "Well" Lee continued "it should be quite obvious. We've taken you here.. and kicked you a bit.. because of what you're doing to the national side.
"But... why? I'm doing you all a favour, getting rid of Vilkaous, he's Vilitan for christ sake!". Lee didn't look impressed.
"I would rather have a semi-competent Vilitan manage Audioslavia than a ginger idiot." Jeremy Jaffacake seemed to agree.
"You, bitch, are saying g'nite bitch to Audioslavian football". William starts to cry like the little ginger wimp he is.
"But... but.. i love football, i love football all i want to do is.."
"What are you talking about?" Lee interrupts. "We never said we were taking you away from football, we said we were taking you away from Audioslavian football.". William looks confused. The three men's dialogue is interrupted by the sound of another van pulling up beside them. A man in a light blue tracksuit alights the vehicle. Jeremy Jaffacake runs over and puts out the flame. He whispers something to the blue-tracksuited man, who recoils and says "Eh? Wow, i always thought it meant 'sets fire to'". Jeremy shakes his head and gestures towards William. The blue tracksuit follows his gaze.
"That him?" asks the man. "He's smaller than he looks on TV, whats that all aboot eh?". Jeremy perks up.
"William! I'd like you to meet Jack!"
"Its Jacques" corrects the man, who appears to not know how to spell his name. "and hello Mr. Branstone, please, gather your things, your chariot awaits!". William looks confused.
"Boat" says Lee. "He means 'boat'. Tell you what William, how about you start teaching people English, as well as managing the national team of Nouveau L'Etats de Montreal". Jacques smiles.
"Ah Mr. Branson, I commend you on your pidgeon french..." Lee looks at his feet. "but i must remind you that we already have plenty of english teachers from places like Lanky Dude, Aquilla and Lovisa". Jeremy and Lee share a glance, before the pleasentries are interrupted by William.
"Excuse me, but... who or what the fuck is 'Lettats Noovoh Montreyal' and why is that man calling me the manager?"
"But William!" starts Jacques "You must know, your ticket is with me, your team awaits, surely you must know that you are the new manager of New Montreal States!"

The magical camera of RP focuses on William and then, slowly, moves backwards as the ginger man looks up to the sky and cries out 'noooooooooooooo!'. As the camera moves backwards further and further, it moves past various couples and seagulls before settling on a grey-haired man leaning on the railings at the edge of the pier. The man turns round and chuckles to himself, before walking off, whistling the tune of the Vilitan national anthem

Jeruselem

02-09-2005, 14:13

Jeruselem Government News

Southern Manchester screw up, Ruventsoria into play-offs

Hypocria are a funny team. They played Crystilakere and Jeruselem in the last two games, and guess what? They won both of them and still didn't make 3rd place due to their bad performances in the previous 12 games. They downed Crystilakere 2-1 and then Jeruselem 1-0 which is an achievement for any Group 7 team, but finished 6th in the end. Too little too late.

Haperd? They also played Crystilakere and Jeruselem in the last two games, and guess what? Yes, lost both of them. Jeruselem downed them 2-1 to confirm 2nd place in Group 7 and then Crystilakere smashed them 4-0 later to make their life a misery. Haperd finished 7th one point behind Hypocria. Now if they only won a few more games ...

Klakistany finished 5th, after a win and a draw. They knocked over 0-0 Is Evil
2-1 but drew Ruventsoria 2-2 in the critical game in last match day. They had their chances but 5th was only one win away from 3rd, so another team like Hypocria and Haperd who failed to take advantage.

0-0 Is Evil came last (8th), but were far from disgraceful. Apart from losing to Klakistany 1-2, they beat Southern Manchester in the last match day 1-0. This basically gave Ruventsoria 3rd spot, so Ruventsoria should be thankful for their help.

Southern Manchester! What can we say. They lost their last two games. Ruventsoria beat them 3-2 in a game which would determine 3rd and 4th spots, then they played 0-0 is Evil, and lost that 0-1. So close, yet so far. Maybe next World Cup.

Ruventsoria are in the play-offs. They had the advantage with the 3-2 win over rivals Southern Manchester and drew with Klakistany 2-2 in the last game. 4 points in two games was enough for 3rd place and play-offs. Realistically, they weren't much chance for 2nd spot. Here's a an oddity, When Jeruselem lose, Ruventsoria never won - for all 5 games.

Crystilakere topped the group with ease finishing with a loss to Hypocria 1-2 and trashing Haperd 4-0. They look good for the group stage!

Jeruselem finished with a loss and win as well. They beat Haperd 2-1 to seal 2nd and played the reserves in the last game who lost to Hypocria 0-1. Crystilakere were impossible to catch in reality, but qualifying without a play-off is good as it gets.

MD13
Haperd 1 - 2 Jeruselem
Hypocria 2 - 1 Crystilakere
Klakistany 2 - 1 0-0 Is Evil
Ruventsoria 3 - 2 Southern Manchester

MD14
Haperd 0 - 4 Crystilakere
Jeruselem 0 - 1 Hypocria
Klakistany 2 - 2 Ruventsoria
Southern Manchester 0 - 1 0-0 Is Evil

Group 7 Pl W D L F A Pts GD
Crystilakere 14 11 1 2 34 7 34 +27
Jeruselem 14 7 2 5 22 13 23 +9
Ruventsoria 14 4 7 3 21 22 19 -1
Southern Manchester 14 5 2 7 14 21 17 -7
Klakistany 14 4 4 6 17 21 16 -4
Hypocria 14 4 4 6 12 18 16 -6
Haperd 14 4 3 7 18 24 15 -6
0-0 Is Evil 14 3 5 6 13 25 14 -12

Nedalia

02-09-2005, 16:14

The Nedalia Lions

Third Time the Charm for Lions?

It all comes down to the next two matches. Thats it. Thats all the Nedalia Lions get. Two matches. One at home at the imposing Kafra International Stadium, and one away at equally imposing The Archregimancy's stadium of choice. Thats it. Win or go home.

Thats the attitude the Lions are carrying with them after their latest defeat saw them remain in 3rd place of Group 9, with the only method of qualification to the World Cup coming in the form of a play-off knockout round. The expectations of the Nedalia fans is, ofcourse, qualification, but regardless, it has been a successful campaign, a definite improvement over the past two endevours that ended in heartbreak. Everyone, this time around, will be hoping for tears of joy instead of tears.

It all comes down to the midfield, as it has many times in the past. Nene has been the most spectacular player the Lions have had the entire campaign, and if the Lions are to have any chance against The Archregimancy, he will have to be at his best. Nene has not, however, been the only spectacular player in the squad this time around, as Starblaydi based Innit Point has become what some might say the catalyst of this Lions squad. Many times, with two and even three defenders being thrown at Nene at the wing, it was Point who kept control of the match and pushed the team forward with his clever passes. Another unlikely hero has been supersub Constantine, who's energy and flair has left many defences wonder what exactly happened when he sliced through them.

What has not worked well, however, has been the inconsistency of the forward units. Much was expected from Yamtech, Blod, and James, but it was only the latter who managed to score on a consistent basis. A strikeforce that does not provide goals is not doing their job, and they have put a little too much pressure on the midfield, asking them to do little too much. They HAVE to show up against their playoff opponents if they wish to make it to the illustrious World Cup.

The defence has been neither here not there, sometimes playing spectacularly, sometimes playing like a bunch of school girls. Zenith and Khadra have not worked out their communication schemes as of yet, although at times it appears they have done so. Ofcourse, they counter such hopes with absolute dismal performances the next time around, leaving manager Randy Gamman with feelings of frustration. The whole team will have to come together in order to qualify, but one can feel from now that the boys are not ready to let their football crazy country down.

As for our neighbors,, Spruitland and Bettia have also made it to the playoff rounds, and already the southeast of Nedalia, who love the Bettian team almost as much as they love their Lions, are preparing for their trip to Bettia for that crucial home match. Hypcoria, however, didnt perform as expected, and now find their way heading home.

As for Nedalia, the hope is that they find a way to come together so that the Lions, and their fans, come make the short trip to the northern border to Krytenia to perform at the biggest stage of them all.

Milchama

02-09-2005, 22:54

Alexandria Times-Post-Gazette-Chronicle-Journal-Enquirer

Sports Section

Review of Milchama qualification games by team
By Milchama National Team Coach Jonathan Fairbanks.

Turori- Lost on aggregate 8-1. We never really got into our stride against but then again they are ranked number 5 in the world for a reason. So really I'm not that suprised.

Nova Brittanicus- Lost both games against them. The first game we sucked really badly but the second game we almost tied and frankly we could have won. Was one of our best played matches. The loss was really undeserving.

Lowland Clans- We lost the first game by a lot. But the second game at home we won 2-1 and that was our best game of the tournament by far. They were skeptical of us early saying we wouldn't qualify and I thought their criticism was correct our people are over-confident. Still I think we should have done better.

Pedriana- We tied the first game at home 1-1 and we should have won that game. That game almost cost me my job because of how they tied that game and then the 2 ensuing blowouts. But by far the worse of the games is the 2-0 loss. That loss was the beginning of the end for our qualification hopes. If we had tied that game then maybe we would have not only finished 4th but also we could have maybe even been able to tie Nova Brittanacus and that would have made us qualify or at least finish 4th.

Dauna Hills- Should have beaten them twice. But the one win was excellent can't beat a good 3-0 wipping for a scoreline. Our last qualification game we should have won but we just didn't and were careless at the end allowing them to score in the 85th minute. We were a better team then them and played like it.

System Karela- The first game was a disaster and almost got me fired. Our defense played horribly but luckily our offense was up to the task. The second game we played great and crushed them 2-0. Twas a good game a very good game.

Liverpoolian- Two good games against this weak side. The only team in the group we beat twice 1-0 and 2-0. Good games for us that we should have won by more on. That was the problem with our World Cup qualifying campaign we were not consistent enough against the teams that were lower than us. If we could beat them then we would do much better. To beat the lower seeded teams will be key next time.

Nedalia

03-09-2005, 02:38

The Nedalia Lions

Game Ends at 0-0; Next Match Called "Battle of Kafra"

The buildup to the match here in Nedalia was second-to-none, with many dubbing the following two games the most important in Nedalia's young football history. The Lions, prior to their away fixture at The Archregimancy, were preparing for the battle of their lives, and it seems like the work paid off. Indeed, the match itself was nothing short of a war, with 7 yellow cards between the two teams and a sending off for Nedalian striker Mattan after he attempted to hit a defender who had previously lunged at him from behind. The defender was shown an immediate red card, and after Mattan attempted to escalate matters, he was shown one as well.

As reported before the match, the defence needed to show up if the Lions were to stand any chance, and show up they did, playing ferociously in the back. Mohammed Khadra and captain Cole Zenith had one of their finest games together, and if the ball happened to get past them, GK Derrell Lynch was there to make sure nothing found the back of the net. Zenith especially oozed of class and sheer determination, setting a terrific example for what many view as the future of the Nedalian defence, 23 year old Mohammed Khadra. The latter played a great game as well, following in Zenith's footstep and never made a wrong tackle. It was on the offensive end, remarkably, that the Lions found their problems.

Despite controlling the midfield for most of the match, they could not break through The Archregimancy's barrier of a defence. Nene and Innit Point did a good job of delivering the ball to the forwards, Tim James and Mattan, but they couldnt deliver any goals. In fact, when Mattan was sent off in the 67th minute, Nedalia's fluidity going forward actually improved because the midfield began pushing forward themselves. It seemed like James and Mattan lacked the communication Nene, Point, and Trent Hardman had, thus playing significantly worse than their midfield counterparts.

In the end, the Lions more than held their own, earning a well deserved 0 - 0 draw in their away leg, sending the playoff battle to Kafra with a slight advantage to the Nedalians. Just a one goal margin will do the trick for them, but they have to keep the defence alive and working as it was today, otherwise, they will be joining their third consecutive Cup of Harmony tournament, defending the trophy they desperately do not want to be put in a position to retain.

Bipedal Apes

03-09-2005, 04:53

Bipedal Times
Trans-border newspaper of the RBA

Two-Footers play off in playoff

by Clumpo

Graham City, Lowland Human Nation-- RBA squad played first of two playoff matches against Lowland Human Clans yesterday, maintaining status quo in attempt to reach World Cup finals by neither winning nor losing to Allied Humans. ASLC, returning to WC qualifiers after sitting out 23 due to sore throat, look to regain prominence they once entertained as well-respected side in trans-border play. In contrast, RBA in only second attempt at qualifying, trying to establish selves as mid-tier side.

Ms. Throckspartle and team arrived in ASLC last week and were welcomed by hairy skirt-wearing females (or males, we never really sure with humans) who performed Lowland Jig national dance and hurled whopping poles and dwarves through the air to great acclaim. Apes enjoyed show then practiced footie, which seemed amusing to plaid-bedecked humans for no apparent reason. Aside from they being humans, they talked funny, with silly accent that made words unintelligible.

Match was at Great Graham Arena, onetime-home of rocker Billy Graham, whose iconic presence in world of Bejeezus-themed heavy metal music came to recent sad end when Bejeezus called her home via on-stage electrocution. No sign of Bejeezus remains in stadium, which all for the better, as Bejeezus and footie generally not considered a good mix.

Game began without incident, Stars kicking off early in first half to start play and sides trading possession for forty-odd minutes. Officials called halt in play to allow removal of sod from cleats, and during break clutch of mad Sarzonian supporters dashed across pitch in attempt to abscond with ASLC nickname. Fortunately furry, miniskirted Enforcement Officers chased them away before much damage could be done. By time Throckspartle led team back to pitch, no sign of disturbance remained.

Toward start of second half, RBA kicked off and soon footie players were running hither and thither chasing ball. Not much time elapsed before Lowland winger Kostandin got free on right side of box, beating Annabana to get a clear but poorly-angled shot. Keeper Spotrockle got foot on it but deflected it right at striker Blythe, whose position beside Proboscobid gave her a perfect chance. Electing to take advantage of opportunity, Blythe kicked ball into net.

Down one-nil on fifty-odd minutes, Two-Footers turned intensity up to eleven, nearly burning selves out in mad crazy free-for-all dash to gain equalizer. Lowland Humans showed great steady resilience in denying all attacks until time had nearly expired and all hope appeared lost. With mere second remaining in eightieth minute, however, glistering Tribuana broke through defensive line and with superapian effort, kicked ball into net past diving Lindsay, Spiros, and Hughes. Wondrous one-one score would hold until ninety-odd minutes, when official grew tired of match and left field.

Big question on lips of Bipedaleen footie supporters everywhere: what of Tribuana? He really great. Scored only goal and saved team from defoot. Probably Ms. Throckspartle can’t send him down, now. Hurray!

Final Score:
Allied States of the Lowland Clans 1 (Blythe, fifty-something)
Republic of Bipedal Apes 1 (TRIBUANA!!, 80)

Spruitland

03-09-2005, 07:18

http://i5.photobucket.com/albums/y197/Spruitland/sportsgazette.jpg

Almost there

Spruitland – Harlesburg: 2 – 0

“That’ll do fine,” was the general reaction of the Spruitland-minded after the game, and that pretty much summed it up. Naturally, a win by, say, seven or eight goals would have been better, but the two-nil should be enough to put one and a half Spruitland foot into the World Cup Finals.

The match wasn’t exactly exciting for the neutral viewer, with a lot of midfield battling and very little risk-taking at the back. Harlesburg’s attack was surprisingly unimpressive, though they played with a solid back line, making the game far from a walkover.

“Obviously they came here looking for a low scoring game,” Spruitland coach Cor Bensen analyzed the match. “They were hoping to keep the zero and get a lucky away goal. I suppose that’s a fair tactic, considering our defense hasn’t been the most secure as of late. We held it together today, though.”

Spruitland had to work for their two goals, a crowded Harlesburg penalty area resulting in a lot of last-ditch tackles and crucial interceptions. But persistence paid off, and on those rare occasions that the last pass did reach the right person, the level of efficiency was acceptable.

Jan Wolters missed twice, but did not miss a short range header near the end of the first half, while Dirk Jools hit the post once, but scored a nice slider from a tight angle to double to lead in the second half. Fritz Wigmeister had a great chance to score his first senior goal as well, but the young defender demonstrated why he rarely leaves his own half of the field, missing by a mile.

Still, 2-0 is a satisfying result for the Wabbits, bringing qualification well within reach on their second attempt. The away match will be more than just a formality though, as coach Bensen expects to meet tougher resistance in Harlesburg.

“I don’t think those Harlesburgers are just gonna bend over and take it with a smile,” Bensen says. “They know they have to win big, so it’s gonna be an all-or-nothing match for them. We’ll have to be concentrated right off the first whistle, because they’ll be looking for an early goal. But the longer we can keep them from scoring, the more risks they’ll have to take. And that should give us opportunities.”

“Screw that,” Dirk Jools comments on his coach’s analysis. “Just gimme the ball, and I’ll finish it off right there and then. One away goal, and they’ll have a mountain to climb. Knock the wind out of them right from the start, is what I say.”

Spruitland – Harlesburg: 2 – 0
1-0 Wolters (40’)
2-0 Jools (65’)

Turori

03-09-2005, 07:51

http://www.dirt-racing.com/3wide/sites/vilita/vn/tn/tieot.gif

Colony Cup II

!! Champion Turori !!

-------------------The Turori Eels wrapped up the Colony Cup II title at the conclusion of World Cup 24's qualifying stage to secure their first recognized internationstatal football/soccer trophy since clinching the 3rd Eagles Cup Title. The Eels, who have long been a formdible force in the world cup community have been upstaged by their gridiron counterparts who have been victorious in back to back NS Bowl championships. Despite being the more well known of the sporting sides in Turori, the Eels have been shut out in major competitions, not just in the World Cup, but also in the Atlantian Oceania Championships of Association Football, Atlantian Oceania's premiere regional sporting event. Despite the lack of silverware, the Eels have moved into the top five in the world rankings and were always going to be favored to take home the colony cup title. After six matchdays the Eels were riding high with a perfect record, including a clean sheet with no goals against. The match against Nova Britannicus ruined the clean sheet record, but in the end the 2-1 victory was enough to etch the Eels name on the trophy with still one game to play. It was not a pretty final game for Turori who lost their perfect record, not only in the Colony Cup but overall as well to a resurgent Pedriana, who looked dead and buried at the half way point. Despite a loss to Nova Britannicus, Pedriana was able to fight back into the third position in the Colony Cup, leapfrogging upstart Dauna Hills who's once fairy tale run came to a less-than spectacular finish with a goalless draw against bottom huggers System Karela.

Colony Cup II---------- -
1- Turori 8 7 0 1 23-4 21
2- Nova Britannicus 8 5 1 2 13-8 16
3- Pedriana 8 2 2 4 11-16 8
4- Dauna Hills 8 1 4 3 6-13 7
5- System Karela 8 0 3 5 3-15 3

Nova Britannicus 2 - 0 Dauna Hills
Dauna Hills 0 - 3 Turori
System Karela 1 - 2 Nova Britannicus
Turori 4 - 0 System Karela
Pedriana 1 - 2 Dauna Hills
System Karela 1 - 1 Pedriana
Turori 3 - 0 Nova Britannicus
Turori 4 - 0 Pedriana
System Karela 0 - 0 Dauna Hills
Pedriana 0 - 1 Nova Britannicus
Dauna Hills 2 - 2 Nova Britannicus
Turori 3 - 0 Dauna Hills
Nova Britannicus 2 - 0 System Karela
System Karela 0 - 2 Turori
Dauna Hills 2 - 2 Pedriana
Pedriana 4 - 1 System Karela
Nova Britannicus 1 - 2 Turori
Pedriana 3 - 2 Turori
Dauna Hills 0 - 0 System Karela
Nova Britannicus 3 - 0 Pedriana

-------------------The shocking defeat to Pedriana ruined Turori's hopes of posting a deserved 14-0-0 record in the qualifying stage, but did not keep the Eels from dominating the tables in nearly all categories accross the board in qualifying. The Eels, despite the late loss, still accumulated the most points of any nation over the 14 matchdays, with 39 points total. Unbeaten Rejistania finished on 38 points, and shared honors with Turori for the best Goal Differential with both ending up with a positive thirty three mark. A Superior defensive record was achieved by the Orange-Blues, however simple math only shows that that would serve to handing the most goals award to the Eels, with an impressive 41 Goals, or just under 3 per game. Pedriana were left ruing their slow start after a late return to form saw them rocket agonizingly close to the third position and a chance at the playoffs, but in the end they were pipped by the more predictable Lowland Clans who won the matches they were supposed to win and accumulated just enough of a buffer to thwart the run of the sheep.
The Lowland Clans will now face a playoff to determine whether or not they will be joining Turori, and runners up Nova Britannicus, in the World Cup Finals in Druida and Krytenia.

Group 1 Pl W D L F A Pts GD
Turori 14 13 0 1 41 8 39 +33
Nova Britannicus 14 11 1 2 27 10 34 +17
The Lowland Clans 14 7 1 6 22 18 22 +4
Pedriana 14 5 5 4 19 20 20 -1
Milchama 14 4 4 6 17 25 16 -8
Dauna Hills 14 2 5 7 12 26 11 -14
System Karela 14 2 4 8 10 25 10 -15
Liverpoolian 14 1 2 11 12 28 5 -16

------------------------------

The Archregimancy

03-09-2005, 08:58

THE ARCHREGIMANCY BRINGS YOU

WORLD CUP TONIGHT

The World Cup Wrap-Up Show with Fr. Nicholas the Scribe and Fr. John the Golden-Throated

"Welcome to the studio - this will be a short show tonight given the scoreless nature of the match against Nedalia [OOC: and I'm nursing a bad cold] and how about that referee last night?"

"Scandalous, Fr. Nicholas, scandalous. I can't remember a referee so comprehensively losing control of a game. Seven yellow cards. Two reds. And what about that Nedalian player, Mattan?"

"I was shocked. That sort of behaviour is completely uncalled for in international football. Perhaps Fr. Dmitri's lunging tackle from behind was a little robust - though I'd still argue he took nothing but ball - but Mattan's attempt to assault Fr. Dmitri - well, whatever happened to the Christian virtues of forgiveness and turning the other cheek?"

"I may have a clue for you there, Fr. Nicholas. One of Nedalian's central midfielders - who I will concede played well on the night - is called 'Mohammed'. On last night's showing, one thinks he's more interested in a footballing jihad than cheek-turning. But might I add that Fr. Alexander the Sailor teamed up very effectively with Fr. Michael the Greater in defence after Fr. Dmitri's sending off. There was no way through for the Nedalians"

"Apparently the Nedalian press is building the return leg up as the 'Battle of Kafra'"

"Well, they presumably have to sell newspapers - but let me tell you, we're perfectly happy to show them what 'muscular Christianity' looks like if that's the way they want to play. And let me remind you what happened when Daniel was sent into the lions' den..."

<both chuckle>

"Still, a 0-0 draw against much higher-ranked opposition is nothing to be ashamed of. Even if we lose in Kafra, to still be in the competition at this stage - at our very first attempt - is nothing short of a miracle. With a small m, I hasten to add. We don't even need to win in Nedalia - a score draw, and I think we might be through on away goals. And wouldn't that be something?"

"And even if we're not, we're still looking to bid to co-host the Cup of Harmony with fellow Orthodox nation New Montreal States..."

OOC: Nedalia, there is an Archregimancy roster on the roster page - feel free to use it if you roleplay before me! Fr. Alexander the Sailor will start in central defence for the suspended Fr. Dmitri the Humble.

Jeruselem

03-09-2005, 13:27

Jeruselem Government News

Jeruselem FA urge Jeruselem fans to cheer Nedalia on

Jeruselem fans, while you wait for the Group Stage - please help our friends Nedalia in the play-offs. Cheer on Nedalia to make the Group stage! They play The Archregimancy in the "Battle of Kafra" as called by the Nedalian press. So load up your Nedalian fan kits, and help out Nedalia.

Nedalia

03-09-2005, 15:34

The latest word from Nedalian camp is that manager Randy Gamman has officially asked the Nedalia FA to let Jeruselem Gov't News exclusively broadcast the Nedalia vs. The Archregimancy game, locally and otherwise. The FA is expected to comply with the request immediately, with the support of the fans, who watch the JGN post game show after every matchday in the NPL.

Hurfordia

03-09-2005, 18:47

Conures Announce full strength team for Play-Offs

Hurfordia will be fielding a full strength side for their first leg play-off game against Kipto-Mare, after all players passed fitness tests.

There had been some worries about James Holsworthy, who took a knock in training yesterday, and Alan Denning, who limped off with ankle strain in the penultimate group game.

Caretaker manager Conor O'Reilly stated that he was keen to put out a full strength team, and try to take some advantage inot the away leg.

"We know Kipto-Mare are a good team, and I don't fancy our chances at their place. But I'm sure the lads can pull it off at home"

Meanwhile, thousands of fans have been trying to buy tickets for the game, causing the switchboards in Hurfordia City to black out for an hour yesterday afternoon. It is expected that the 29 000 seat stadium will be completely full as enthusiastic fans look forward to their team's shot at the World Cup.

Harlesburg

03-09-2005, 23:45

Harlesburg Bow out
Harlesburg 1-Spruitland-1
After a messy away game Harlesburg needed to make a big impression on the return leg to Harlesburg Arms park where they were to once again meet up with Spruitland.

Spruitland who had found some open space in the first game at home made good use of it whereas Harlesburg just couldnt seem to get out of first gear in Offence and the Defence held on tight but under the pressure the line collapsed twice and resulted in two well worked goals in the first game.

Harlesburg needed to win well if they wanted to go through to th World Cup and things couldnt have started off worse when in the 17th minute after some heavy buildup play Spruitland broke out from midfield down the left wing after some shoddy marking from Hernandez and with Jools screaming down the line he recieved a well placed pass that bisected two Harlesburg markers and opened up the defence like a can of sardines from here he cut inwards out witting the struggling defence jinked and jived again wrong footing the retreating players before switching to his left foot to fire off the shot which bet the keeper by a country mile.

For Harlesburg it was all but over they would have to score 3 goals(ARRGH AWAY GOAL RULE SHOOTS-Sorry.) now if they were to have any chance of making things even and try as they might they couldnt get past a team which had shut up shop.
When they finally did score it was from a Corner kick something Harlesburg has been typically noted for and it came as usual from the head of Salasan who had been left unmarked at the back a rare error on the Spruitland defence's part.

Harlesburg's campaign had ground to a halt not even making it to the Actual World Cup after a suppreme effort last time the only thing they can do is go out and look for some more International fixtures and gain some experience.
Scorers
Spruitland Jools 17th
Harlesburg Salasan 54th

The Archregimancy

04-09-2005, 05:10

THE ARCHREGIMANCY BRINGS YOU

WORLD CUP LIVE!

With Fr. John the Golden-Throated

"...will apologise again that the feed from Nedalia is a bit scratchy and prone to.."

<static>

"...these breaks in the commentary feed. As the Archregimancy parade out behind the Holy Icon of the Mother of God, Bringer of Victory, knowing that a score draw or - less likely, a win - will see the squad complete the unlikeliest qualification of a World Cup debutant since, well, since a very long time indeed, why..."

<static>

"...calling it the Battle of Kafra, but every Nedalian foul - and my, there have been a lot of them so far - has been countered by the Archregimancy players kneeling in prayer, and turning the other cheek to Nedalian provocation..."

<static>

"...sixteen Bulgarian virgins and a plate of Turkish delight. And yet another foul with 20 minutes gone, with Fr. David the Water-Drinker brought down on the edge of the area. There appears to be a discussion in the Archregimancy ranks about the free-kick, but... while everyone's standing about, Fr. Polycarp cheekily pokes a soft long shot into the Nedalian goal - I imagine he'll get yellow carded for... NO!! THE REFEREE'S SIGNALLED A GOAL!!! A SHOCKING DECISION! The Nedalians are crowding around the referee, shouting, unprepared to believe that he'll let that stand. But he does. And quite frankly, that's the worst refereeing decision I've ever seen. But they all count..."

<static>

"...half an hour gone, lepers cured and demons cast out. Nedalia are really asserting themselves now, spurred on by that horrific refereeing decision which gave our boys the lead. But Fr. Alexander the Sailor disposses the Nedalian. Passes it to Fr. Andrew the Twice-Found on the left. A long cross-field pass to Fr. Pavel the Wanderer on the right. Fr. Pavel skips past one. Then another. Then a third. He crosses himself, then crosses the ball in... FATHER SILOUAN!!!! FATHER SILOUAN SCORES!!!! A counter-attack against the run of play, and it's an unbelievable 2-0 to the Archregimancy! GOD BE PRAISED!!!! World Cup, here we come!"

<static>

"...in the second half, and Nedalia are throwing everything forward, but Fr. Justinian is pulling off miracle after miracle in goal, supported by the ever-increasing collection of icons on his back post"

<static>

"...just five minutes to go now, and Nedalia need an unlikely three goals to overtake us. Surely this is impossible? But there's no room for complacency as Nedalia have a corner. It's sent in. OH MY! An own goal! The ball finds Fr. Michael the Greater, who can't have known much about that - but it bounces off the back of his head, and Fr. Justinian is helpless as the ball finds the net. 2-1 to the Archregimancy, but with less than five minutes, and Nedalia needing two goals, surely we're still in control..."

<static>

"...reaching the end of the 90 minutes. Another corner to Nedalia as the Archregimancy defence continues to hold firm. It's sent in, but Fr. Justinian easily claims the ball. He steps back to take the kick and... what's happening? The referee. I DON'T BELIEVE IT!!!! HE'S SIGNALLED A GOAL!!! He - and I still don't believe this - seems to be claiming that Fr. Justinian stepped back over the goal line when holding on to the ball. And... the replay suggests that he's right, but surely any junior grade referee knows that the ball has to cross the line, not the player. This is quite possibly the worst refereeing display I can ever..."

<static>

"...but deep into injury time, a 2-2 draw would still send us through. Nedalia are pressuring, but Fr. Alexander the Sailor has the ball. But... I DON'T BELIEVE IT!!! He passes it back to the keeper, and Fr. Justinian picks it up! A back-pass! The pressure must be getting to Fr. Justinian, who's been the hero the entire evening, and..."

-------------------------------------------------------

strangely, at this point the television feed went dead, and Archregimancy fans across the nation went to bed safe in the assumption that a 2-2 draw had sent their team through to the World Cup at the first attempt.

And if anyone knew differently, they weren't saying.

Not yet, anyway.

-------------------------------------------------------

OOC: The incident I've used to describe the second Nedalian goal - where a goal was given for the goalkeeper stepping back across his line, even though the ball didn't - really happened to a school team I played for some 20 years ago. And it still rankles.

Spruitland

04-09-2005, 05:58

http://i5.photobucket.com/albums/y197/Spruitland/sportsgazette.jpg

Wabbits take a deep breath for World Cup Finals

Harlesburg – Spruitland: 1 – 1 (1-3 agg.)

The second leg of the play-off that would decide whether Spruitland would qualify for the World Cup in Druida and Krytenia or not lasted almost as long as a sentence in the Harlesburgian newspaper well ok maybe not quite that long but still pretty long in fact it lasted exactly ninety minutes not counting stoppage time.

Spruitland star striker Dirk Jools did exactly what he announced he would do which was to score an early goal and that’s what he did even though the 17th minute isn’t exactly as early as it could have been but it’s still pretty early when you think about it and in any case it was early enough to sink the Harlesburgian moral right through the pitch and deep down under the ground and then some.

The Harlesburgians were facing the daunting task of having to score 4 goals because 3 wouldn’t have been enough since Spruitland would still advance because of the away goal rule but it doesn’t really matter because they only managed to score once in the second half off a corner anyway.

So that means Spruitland qualifies for the World Cup Finals for the first time ever on only their second attempt which is a very nice accomplishment at least the supporters are pleased with it and they are expecting the Wabbits to reach the semi finals or the quarter finals at the very least though those expectations might be a tad high as usual.

“I think we should keep both feet on the ground and realize we’re probably not gonna make it out of the group stage in fact it would already be a success if we manage to get one point though of course it all depends a bit on the draw but let’s not expect too much otherwise we’ll just be disappointed and just remember that it’s already a great achievement that we managed to qualify so let’s just see what happens,” Spruitland coach Cor Bensen said, after which he had to be taken to the nearest hospital with respiratory problems.

Kaze Progressa

04-09-2005, 11:48

A message from a mysterious Excelite called 'Margito', the rough Progressan equivalent of Margaret - except it is, strictly speaking, a male name under Progressan naming rules. (That said, under these same rules, 'Faiwe' is a female name, and look what happened to Irafma...)

We note the events in Nedalia and the bad refereeing decisions that took place in this match. Certainly, the opening goal for The Archregimancy should not have been given, and neither should the Nedalian equaliser.

From our Excelite perspective, we firmly believe that such a result was meant to be. The results were clearly generated within a Microsoft Excel spreadsheet.

One of our fellow Excelites claims to have discovered a standard desktop PC within the government buildings of Druida, installed with Microsoft Excel, with an .xls file designed specifically for the purpose of producing match results. We presume a similar setup exists in Krytenia.

It is believed that the Druidan President himself loads this file to generate the results. The file works by generating random numbers based on a team's ranking and a mysterious figure known as 'RP-bonus', which appears to denote the level of media coverage in that particular nation. So, for instance, Bipedal Apes and Ruventsoria have a high RP-bonus, whlie many nations appear to have none at all due to, presumably, an unfree press that cannot report on sport - especially if the national team are losing, because that is bad for the self-esteem of dictators mad enough to stifle the press.

The results are obviously very variable, as the Progressan away victories over Spaam and Wella demonstrate. However, there is one trick in the arsenal of the result generator or 'scorinator'. By pressing the 'delete' button in an empty cell, the random numbers are regenerated - and therefore, so are the scores.

We feel great concern over this, for one great reason - the prospect of abuse of the system. Who goes through and who goes out of this World Cup is entirely in the hands of the leaders of Druida and Krytenia. They will surely manipulate these spreadsheets to facilitate a final between the two host nations. It has happened before, sixty years ago when Europa Brittania played Ravenspire. We have also seen many other host nations make the final. Many decided to lose when the so-called 'conspiracy theorists' caused panic among the respective Governments, afraid that the truth would emerge. Others - such as Rejistania four years ago - did not. They are known as a 'Karelan Dictatorship', 'Karelan' referring to a tactic that makes 5-4-1 look attacking. Clearly it is in the best interests of a sports-mad dictator that any means of match-fixing are taken advantage of.

We fear another victory for one of the hosts. We call on all holographic footballers everywhere to disobey the orders given by dubious Governments.

OOC: There is no personal insult contained in this RP directed at any particular hosts. The content of this RP denotes only the opinions of Margito and other Excelites and are not indicative of the opinions held by myself, or even most Progressans.

Hurfordia

04-09-2005, 12:17

Stunning Home Win takes Conures to World Cup

Hurfordia followed up their heroics in the Baptism of Fire, with a stunning win over Kipto-Mare which ensured a place for them in the World Cup.

Having finished with a worse record than their opponents in the group stage, Hurfordia hosted the first match of the two in their National Stadium, Hurfordia City. It seems that this was a blessing, as they managed to pull off one of the greatest victories in their history, over a side ranked nearly fifty places above them.

Right from the kick off, Hurfordia went forward, raining shots on the Kipto-Mare goal. Indeed, their opponents looked shell-shocked by the pumelling they took. Hurfordia found the net after 30 minutes, as Sargeant slipped his marker, and headed Sulla's swining cross into the top corner. Further goals came in the 68th and 79th minutes, through Denning and Sulla respectively, with the latter a perfectly weighted free kick.

Hurfordia couldn't quite keep up the attacking form in the second leg, but their defence showed some of the strength which has been lacking in recent games. They restricted Kipto-Mare to one early goal, a finely struyck shot from distance, and nearly scored a late equaliser as a Holsworthy header was cleared off the line. The 3-1 aggregate win was enough to trigger celebration back home.

Caretaker manager Conor O'Reilly could barely contain himself as he spoke to "Green and White", Hurfordia's best sports daily.

"I'm just so pleased for the lads. They felt they had a point to prove after missing out on second place. Everything just clicked in that home match, and the goals came. It's great to qualify. Actually, I think we may be the lowest ranked team to qualify for the tournament."

He refused to take credit for the team's qualification, preferring to acknowledge the efforts of manager Peter Langrishe, currently on sick leave. It has been announced that Langrishe will miss out on the World Cup, but the FA have assured him that his job will remain open if he wants it.

Rejistania

04-09-2005, 12:25

Siki Rej reads the newspaper, where the rant of the progressan excelites is written. He logs into one of his alternative addresses and starts writing a mail.

From: 1984++@haditera!taniHan!HesrenSala.he.rj
To: margito5dotxls@excelites.kp
Subject: WC24
Message-Body: Hejida Margito5.xls
You can not blame it on the Spreadsheet that the Orange-Blues reached and won the final. There are certain reasons for it:
* Attack means defeat and Druida attacked
* I know the Rejistanian computers, they could not run a thing called Excel. How could you run it on an ADVANSID?
* The Excelites in Rejistania think your ideas are too weird and became Li~lk~hionites (at least it's pronounced like that)
* Why should people re-sim when they can change the so called RP-bonus in their favor? This sounds weird.
* The players are not holographic. A hologram couldn't have hit me (accidentally). Also I once watched a H1SR match when there was a powercut. The players did not disappear as they would if they are holographic. (And how can a hologram have so many extramarital affairs as Milan Tia~e?)
* Why did Rejistania not play Eauz in the final?
Karelan greetings,
Siki

Nedalia

04-09-2005, 13:58

VERN TAP: This has been the most unbelievable match I have ever witnessed.

HOWARD DONNE: And its not a priviledge, either. Some of the worst refereeing seen has happened today.

VERN TAP: Indeed, no question about that. We're deep in injury-time, the score is 2 - 2 after a remarkable comeback by the Lions infront of the 100,000 fans here in the Kafra International Stadium, and the referee could send The Archregimancy to the World Cup at any second now.

HOWARD DONNE: I really expected more from the Lions today, after their stellar defensive performance in the away leg...but, as they have done frequently this WC campaign, they come back with an absolute torrid one in the next game. Granted, the referee hasnt exactly been a fantastic one, but there has been many defensive lapses today that has left a negative impression on a lot of people.

VERN TAP: The players are still arguing as the referee places the ball at the appropriate spot. Its a direct kick, ofcourse, after that illegal back pass. It looks like Innit Point is going to take it.

HOWARD DONNE: This is surely Nedalia's last attempt at the goal, if they cant score here, they will be defending their Cup of Harmony trophy in the coming weeks.

VERN TAP: Point lines it up...approaches....Point takes a shot, its a groundball!!....IT HITS THE WALL! IT HIT THE F---ING WALL!!!! S--T!!!!!

HOWARD DONNE: Its over....The defenders have booted the ball to the middle of the field, there surely can be only seconds left.

VERN TAP: Zenith has picked the ball, and he passes it to Nene in the middle. Nene quickly turns past the Archregimancy midfielder and runs towards the goal.

HOWARD DONNE: Surely too late.

VERN TAP: A simple fake tap has sent Nene past two more defenders. This is quite a remarkable run and...hold on, he just danced past two more and he looks like he's lining up for a shot!

HOWARD DONNE: He takes a shot!!!...it hits the Archerimancy defender..Hold on, Nene is relentless, he takes control of the ball again, lines another one...

VERN TAP: What a blast of a shot.....Its heading straight for the goal....ITS A GOAL!!!! ITS A F--KING GOAL!!!!! NENE HAS DONE IT, THE STADIUM IS VIBRATING!!! AMAZING!!! NEDALIA ARE GOING TO THE WORLD CUP, WE'RE GOING TO THE WORLD CUP!!!!

HOWARD DONNE: NENE HAS ABSOLUTELY ETCHED HIS NAME IN NEDALIAN HISTORY!! WHAT A REMARKABLE PERFOMANCE!!

Bipedal Apes

04-09-2005, 13:58

Bipedal Times
Trans-border newspaper of the RBA

Winning sides advance to World Cup finals
Less-winning sides retreat to safety of home

by Clumpo

Bananaton, RBA-- Last night saw second leg of playoffs (and last leg, playoffs being bipedal) for six unclaimed berths to World Cup finals. Five of six matches saw home sides winning, including Nedalia (whose Lions Two-Footers narrowly escaped having to play in previous Cup of Harmony) over Bejeezus-hating monks of Archregimancy; Caprine States (whose Goats Two-Footers drew in previous Cup of Harmony) over scary Ruventsoria; and Oglethorpia (whose Ostriches Two-Footers beat twice in previous qualifiers) over youthful Bettia.

In Bananaton, Two-Footers hosted Stars of Lowland Human Clans, having drawn initial match one-all on Tribuana’s late game-saving goal that saved match from defeat. Ms. Throckspartle’s squad looked loose and comfortable playing in home nation with forty thousand Bipedaleen supporters in stands. Ms. Throckspartle didn’t look too great herself, popping apebuprofin every twenty minutes or so to keep her well-meaning but very distracting head-ouchie in check.

Thanks to big promotion by Old Stogie Peelsmokers, Consolidated, atmosphere in arena was heady with vapors of free banana peel and walkways were littered with spliff roaches. Made for nice smell on the pitch, and players made most of it, jumping around and kicking ball enthusiastically. Thanks to tenacious play and happypeel smoke, Barsoom scored early goal after free kick by Trinandurnan for rough tackle by defender Vasil. One-nil score clung for dear life ‘til near halftime, when it was eradicated by striker Spyridon’s twenty-meter power kick past Proboscobid and Spotrockle.

All was not lost however because TRIBUANA scored match-winner early in second half. Sexy male striker maneuvered with exemplary mad skills past Lindsay, Apagios, and keeper Hughes all by himself. Crowd went all crazy and started shrieking his praises. Good job by Tribuana not properly appreciated by Ms. Throckspartle, who reportedly grumbled between pills, “Hmmph.”

Third goal added by Gazeboo for good measure a little later. Two-Footers thus advance to World Cup finals for first time. Said Ms. Throckspartle after match, “Now we get beat. All the teams in World Cup really good. we do our best, though.” Later this week, announcement will say whether team going to Druida or to Krytenia.

Final Score:
Republic of Bipedal Apes 3 (Barsoom 22, TRIBUANA!! 56, Gazeboo 71)
Allied States of the Lowland Clans 1 (Spyridon 42)

Starblaydia

04-09-2005, 17:01

Roberto Di Bradini and Khim Azanulbizarn stood in silence as they deliberated why the late Ceri Salisbury had a secret basement in his mansion-esque home, one in which all the results of every sporting event in the world were being fed into, collated and analysed. Their thoughts were broken, however, when the soft rumbling sound of machinery disturbed them. The door to the secret tunnel that led to the secret basement was opening!

"Quick," Robb said, "hide!"

Robb ducked behind a large server case while Khim rolled under a table. Two pairs of footsteps echoed down the hall, with two voices attached to them.

"Lucky nobody found this place yet," the first voice said, "then there'd be hell to cover up."

"The Minister will be pissed about this one, though," the second one said, "where are we gonna find another operative like Salisbury? He was excellent at this job."

"His Lordship won't be happy."

"His Lordship can stick it up his Dutch arse," the second one said bitterly, "lets switch these damn computers off."

As the two men stood at the computers, Khim was moving into action. Having slipped one of his iron-clad boots off, he silently rolled out from under the desk and crept up behind them. With a leap he smashed his boot over the back of the head of one of the men, knocking him out instantly. The second turned, but after a swift bite to the groin that made the human double over, the application of Khim's boot to the man's now-within-reach head sent him to the floor too.

"What the hell did you do that for?" Robb asked.

"I tell ye," Khim said, "the man behind all o' this is Lord Rikaard Van Honjiik, the tosser."

"Surely he's not intelligent enough for that," Robb replied.

"Ye never know, laddie," the Dwarf replied, "what ye might find when ye dig. Old Miners' saying."

Bettia

04-09-2005, 17:11

Sunday 4th September 2005
Dear diary...

That's it, our World Cup is over for another year, and to say i'm dissappointed is an understatement. Why? It's just the manner in which we went out. I'm not afraid to admit it (although I am ashamed), but Oglethorpia were by far the better team over the two legs and they deserved to go through.

The first leg at Stadiwm Bettia was a bit of a stop-start affair - they started, we stopped. We were desperately short of confidence and it showed. The Ostriches on the other hand made a much brighter start and they went ahead on seventeen minutes when Mel Memorable glanced a header into the back of the net.

They dominated most of the match, restricting us to a handful of half-chances, but we somehow managed to equalise when an Evan Brooks free-kick cannoned off the crossbar and the skipper rose up first to head into an empty goal.

Okay, we rescued a draw, but they had an away goal meaning that we had to score early in the away leg to stand a chance of going through. It didn't quite though, as the second match went pretty much the same way as the first. Oglethorpia went ahead through an Anton Kremlov 30-yard screamer, and he made it two after half an hour from the spot after a cross struck Musa on the arm inside the area.

Our heads were well down at half-time, knowing that we somehow had to score quickly to get ourselves back into the tie. There was a quick goal, too bad it went to the home side. It was that Memorable bloke again who scored, he was put through after a deft little one-two left our defenders standing still trying to spring the offside trap. Judson pulled a late consolation goal back, but by then it was way too late.

Oh well, at least Nedalia and Spruitland are joining Krytenia, Bedistan and Cockbill Street in the finals, so our interest in the Cup isn't over just yet. According to The Enlightener thousands of Bettian fans are making the short trip to cheer the Lions and Wabbits on - no doubt they'll be outsiders so they'll need all the support they can get. It's up to ourselves and Hypocria to pull our collective socks up and make it a full house in the next World Cup.

Mind you, our season isn't over yet. We're all heading over to Fmjphoenix for the AOCAF (even though its almost certain we'll go out in the first round - I mean, being drawn in a group containing Vilita, Sarzonia, Bedistan AND Hypocria is hardly ideal, especially when you have a lousy record in that tournament), and then we have the Cup of Harmony where hopefully we'll have the opportunity to see if we go two better than our third place finish last time round.

Bettia 1 (Coates 81)
Oglethorpia 1 (Memorable 17)

Oglethorpia 3 (Kremlov 10 32pen, Memorable 55)
Bettia 1 (York 86)

MD1: Bettia 1-1 PopularFreedom (The Gasworks, Gabalfa)
MD2: Viszonia 1-3 Bettia
MD3: Bettia 4-0 San-Lorenzo (Shubunkin Park, Akani Sands)
MD4: Kurumada 0-1 Bettia
MD5: Bettia 3-1 Kericia (The Stamping Ground, Lorshill)
MD6: Audioslavia 2-0 Bettia
MD7: Bedistan 3-1 Bettia (South Coast Arena, Hendersonburg)
MD8: PopularFreedom 2-2 Bettia
MD9: Bettia 3-0 Viszonia (The Campus Ground, Grappenhall)
MD10: San-Lorenzo 1-0 Bettia
MD11: Bettia 1-1 Kurumada (Thamitra Gate, Tamrida)
MD12: Kericia 2-2 Bettia
MD13: Bettia 0-1 Audioslavia (Al-Fath Stadium, Sukatra)
MD14: Bettia 0-2 Bedistan (Stadiwm Bettia, Gabalfa)

PLAYOFFS
1st Leg: Bettia 1-1 Oglethorpia (Stadiwm Bettia, Gabalfa)
2nd Leg: Oglethorpia 3-1 Bettia

Aggregate Score: Bettia 2-4 Oglethorpia

Commerce Heights

04-09-2005, 19:48

The Aeropag Tribune—Written by real people, and don’t get us started on that “subjective reality” slani…

Sports: Soccer players worldwide turned into holograms?
KAZE PROGRESSA—A mysterious figure, known only as “Margito,” has made the shocking claim that all players participating in World Cup 24 are merely holographic images, controlled by a strange program known as “Microsoft® Excel®” (no, we don’t know the meaning of “®”) running on computers found in Druida and Krytenia. The Microsoft Corporation, an anomalous entity based in a strange land known as the “United States of America” (some have speculated that these are the same united states that established the former colony of Bedistan), specifically, the city of Redmond, in the administrative division known as Washington. Though the Tribune was able to obtain a copy of this Excel® software, it seems that it can only be installed on computers with something called Windows®, which our computing experts believe is an interface to the holographic generators used to simulate matches. This is contrary to a Rejistanian report our researchers were able to dig up, which spoke of something similarly named “Windows,” which they said was made of “bugs, not of glass!” We think it may be possible that what the un-advanced Rejistanians call “bugs” are actually nanotechnology used in the holographic interface. Some questions remain to be answered, such as how these players respond to a loss of power, how they are able to interact with “real” people (perhaps with force fields similar to those used by Asgard Technologies), and how these people were turned into holograms. Another apparent flaw in the Excel®ite theory is the lack of complexity in the Excel® spreadsheet purportedly used to generate matches, which does not seem to even know the names of individual players.

International: CEO Sparks “apologizes” to Sarzonian authorities
COMMERCE HEIGHTS, CT—In a shocking announcement today, the State’s CEO Matthew Sparks made a public announcement “apologizing” to Sarzonia for certain threats made in a heated negotiation relating to the recent situation in Caprine States. “Unlike totalitarian regimes such as USAnia, we have no desire to fight anyone in battle,” he said. “Even though our people have many differences, I hope our nations can work together in the future, rather than quibbling over insignificant legal matters.” However, political analysts are very skeptical about the CEO’s move. Kurt Lobaugh, former CEO of the State, said “there is no chance that Sarzonia and Commerce Heights will ever work together, on anything.” Julio Mahnke, a prominent member of the Tribune’s international relations group, was much less concerned. “Sarzonia’s government isn’t entirely blinded by hatred,” he said. “If we make a reasonable proposal, they’ll listen.” The Sarzonian government has yet to respond to the CEO’s speech.

Druida

05-09-2005, 15:14

Ladies, gentlemen and all other participating creatures, we give you...

The World Cup 24 Finals Draw!!! (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showthread.php?p=9586419#post9586419)

Jeruselem

05-09-2005, 16:04

Jeruselem Government News

D is Druida or was that Death?

World Cup XXIV has been announced! Jeruselem have been drawn into Group D. Any new faces? Not many in this group stage - Nedalia in Group C for example after their last gasp goal in play-offs.

Now who is in Group D?

Bedistan

The might Lions! Always a threat for the World Cup and hard to beat in any competition except maybe the U21 championships.

Vilita

The Jungle Cats are back and looking dangerous. Another predator cat looking for a cup to take home.

Eauz

Perenial qualifiers Eauz are here. While not hot favourites like the two cats, don't write them off.

Jeruselem

Us, the least favoured but we did get 1 win in the last group stage after so many defeats and draws. We don't expect to make the finals, but if we do it's going to be exciting for all concerned.

Hurfordia

05-09-2005, 16:57

Hurfordia crapped on in World Cup Draw

Breaking News: Hurfordia have been drawn in Group A in the World Cup finals, alongside hosts Druida, and Tadjikistan and Total N Utter Insanity, both of whom are ranked inside the top twenty in the world.

Manager Conor O'Reilly was sanguine about the draw.

"Well, we were always going to have a tough one, but to get the hosts makes it a lot harder. All of the teams in that group are excellent sides, and we'll have to play above ourselves to go through. Mind you, we're the underdogs, which might work in our favour, as all the other teams will expect to beat us. Hopefully we'll be able to play like we have nothing to lose."

Meanwhile, centre-back Brendan O'Halloran has announced that he will be retiring from international football after the World Cup. The 35 year old player told "White on Green" that he would rather step aside and let younger players have a go. His decision fuels speculation that he has been offered a coaching role at his club, Sacred Heart FC next season.

Vilita

05-09-2005, 17:38

-----------------------------
attn: This is an RP continued from the Pre-Cup, and also includes some references to past RPs & Characters, as well as the possible to chain off into new RP's for just about any nation out there, so please, if you wish enjoy the read and feel free to continue or contribute. Thanks!

-----------------------------

http://www.dirt-racing.com/3wide/sites/vilita/vn/ttov.gif

(Back at the FA Headquarters, on a ... day.)

"So, Rory, what do you think of these News reports I just pulled out of the magic looking into the future but not really because we're just living in the past machine?" Elekim Cairns mutterred accross the table as he and Rory Issah returned after a brief interuption from Inland Peaks FC manager Calaesa Mitaroka.

"About as piss poor as the job that bloody wanker 'Sir' Alfons did managing the team the last two matches. What a botch up that was, cost us a decent record in qualifying and now the damn Turorian's are doing better than us. If he didn't quadruple our sales output to Spruitland and put our economic stability at a level it's never seen before, I'd have had your ass on a plate kimmy." Issah stared at his counterpart. "Yea, I know I should have assigned someone to help him out, but to be fair he did work out a goalless draw against the Canadians, not as horrible as a loss." Cairns was then Interuppted by a livid Issah, "Loss! Loss! We are Vilita! We don't lose in Qualifying! Loss he says... hah!" Issah then picked up one of the documents from the magic looking into the future but not really because we're just living in the past machine, It appeared to have come from Jeruselem.

"Hey Elekim, look here" Issah exclaimed "These damn Jeruselemites, look at this"

Any new faces? Not many in this group stage

"Not Many! Hand me that predicted group draw from the magic looking into the future but not really because we're just living in the past machine, Kimmy" Elekim proceeded to hand Rory the sheet that listed the World Cup 24 Group Draw. "Look! Not Many! Where are they from the land where new faces look old for no apparent reason?! What about Bipedal Apes! What about Hurfordia! What about Caprine States and friggin Spruitland!!!! Are you sure this isn't the looking into the future but forgetting about the past machine, Elekim?!?" Elekim looked down at the machine and confirmed to his partner that it in fact said very clearly "magic looking into the future but not really because we're just living in the past machine :: Model 00192-V"

"It can't be!" Issah continued on his rant, "Look at this next bit!"

We don't expect to make the finals

"How can this possibly be the magic looking into the future but not really because we're just living in the past machine, if we are looking at a sheet where they are talking about the finals, and then they go on to say that they don't expect to make the finals! Surely there must be something wrong with this machine, it's not printing out anything that's making any sense. Have a look at this thing, kimmy." Elekim obliged and went to get the manual for the machine, just to ensure it was not having any problems. Just as he was about to shut it off and have a look inside, another report came in.

Hurfordia crapped on in World Cup Draw

Hurfordia have been drawn in Group A in the World Cup finals, alongside hosts Druida, and Tadjikistan and Total N Utter Insanity

Elekim put down the manual. "Yea, Rory, there has to be something wrong with this machine. Look at this report that just came out. It says that these guys actually think getting drawn with Tadjikistan, Total n Utter Insanity and Druida is actually a tough group." Elekim Laughed as Rory Issah came over to have a personal look at the sheet. "Crapped On, they say? Hah! Theres 5 Groups that are clearly tougher for the lowest ranked team to be in, and one more marginally considerably. So what's that mean, One... ONE group that they would have had a noticably easier draw. I wouldn't say Crapped on, I'd say Lucky as hell." Rory put the report down.

"There has got to be something wrong with this machine, Kimmy, We've got all these screwed up reports coming in, and yet just think how long it's been since it's produced one-liner out of Liverpool England." Rory picked up the manual, and handed it to Elekim. "You're right sir, there must be something wrong then, I'll get right on it."

-----------------------------

Vilkaous Sacked! (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=9359078&postcount=11)
Vilkaous warns in Vilita threat (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=9381399&postcount=18)
The FA Take Applications (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=9479307&postcount=150)
Issah takes MD1, Applicants Confirmed (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=9505744&postcount=282)

-----------------------------

Kaze Progressa

05-09-2005, 18:01

Progressa TeleSport World Cup preview

No Kaze Progressa this time of course, but the 24th World Cup finals will provide a feast of action for neutral spectators as always, and a number of tasty groups will certainly aid that cause from the word go.

Group A is the home of the co-hosts Druida, and they will open the tournament against Tadjikistan. The semi-finalists last time out will expect to be in the mix again on home soil, and the cynics have them as nailed-on certainties to become the second consecutive home champions after Rejistania four years ago - making them 4-1 favourites with GetLucky.kp. The omnipresent threat of Total n Utter Insanity are the other team in the mix, but special mention has to go to Hurfordia for making the finals at their first attempt - nobody's managed that since Adam Island sixteen years ago. In this group, however, there's absolutely no chance of them 'doing an Aquiliana' and making the knockout stages. That said, they got here...
Predictions: Druida 1st, Tadjikistan 2nd

Group B may seem to have two nailed-on certainties; Crystilakere and Oaker are both among the top ten nations in the world and one might suspect that they'll dominate the group, with the match between the two deciding who earns the right to stay in Druida for the knockout stage. However, that would be a grave insult to Cockbill Street, always a fiercely proud sporting nation - though one suspects their attention may be turning to cricket at present - and, indeed, to Bipedal Apes, making their debut in the World Cup proper. Still, the top two ought to progress here.
Predictions: Crystilakere 1st, Oaker 2nd

Group C is controversial in some quarters for containing both Starblaydia and their colony Nova Britannicus - who may not be at the Turori stage of usurping their masters, but are certainly now established as a more-than-respectable team in their own right. Still, cynics will roar for Audioslavia - and after a slight managerial merry-go-round in qualifying, the Slaves look ready to at least make the second round again. Nedalia won't qualify, but they are capable of producing the upset that could determine who will be eliminated with them.
Predictions: Starblaydia 1st, Audioslavia 2nd

Group D is unquestionably a 'group of death'. All four teams are in the top 24 in the world, three are in the top 16, and the seeded team is ranked third. That team is Bedistan, and arguably the most consistent team in recent World Cup history will easily progress. Eauz will most likely take second ahead of Jeruselem - who will probably complain about anti-Semitism in the draw, possibly not without a point - and Vilita, increasingly overshadowed by their puppet Turori.
Predictions: Bedistan 1st, Eauz 2nd

Group E is the first to be held in Krytenia, and Sarzonia must be struggling to believe their luck at being drawn into it. While Lovisa and EL CID THE HERO are both in the world top 20, both can flatter to deceive - owing their rankings in part to consistent qualification. Still, one of them is certain to join Sarzonia in the last 16, as the gulf in talent between them and Caprine States is cavernous.
Predictions: Sarzonia 1st, Lovisa 2nd

Group F is the simplest group ever for prediction purposes, unless we're missing something: Turori will qualify with ease as they prove their superiority over Vilita, while One Red Dot will join them. Svecia and Oglethorpia are hugely-established nations, but neither are enjoying one of their finest teams.
Predictions: Turori 1st, One Red Dot 2nd

Group G is the second 'group of death' and if anything is even worse than Group D. Defending champions Rejistania should qualify - their unrivalled defensive organisation has nearly always got them to the knockout rounds - and you'd fancy Liverpool England as certainties to get through any other group. Unfortunately, with Commerce Heights' wealth of talent (and, um, wealth), plus an Fmjphoenix side who appear to be on an upward path, there's no such certainties. We'll go with Liverpool England, as we feel sorry for them...
Predictions: Rejistania 1st, Liverpool England 2nd

...because Group H sees Krytenia - the weaker of the two hosts - as the seeded team. If it wasn't for that, Liverpool England - who are ranked nine places higher - would be seeded. See how rough a deal they got? Anyway, with Squornshelous struggling in qualifying and Five Civilised Nations holding an almost-comical 0-1-5 record in World Cups proper, we can see Spruitland pulling off the mother of all shocks and making the second round. We're not saying it will happen - indeed, we're predicting it won't. But if there's going to be an upset, it'll be here.
Predictions: Krytenia 1st, Squornshelous 2nd

The knockout stages would then look like this:

SECOND ROUND
Druida v Lovisa. Which is a synonym for 'Druida bye'.
Crystilakere v One Red Dot. Crystilakere should scrape home.
Starblaydia v Liverpool England. We'll lean towards the Blaydes, but that would be one hell of a match.
Bedistan v Squornshelous. Could provide an upset but the Lions should keep on roaring.
Sarzonia v Eauz. Sarzonia without too much difficulty - by World Cup knockout standards.
Turori v Audioslavia. And a traditional second-round exit for the Slaves.
Rejistania v Oaker. Will be far easier for Rejistania than the ranks suggest.
Krytenia v Tadjikistan. Home advantage (ethical or otherwise) to prevail.

QUARTER-FINALS
Druida v Crystilakere. A fabulous prospect of a match - one that we think would end home dreams.
Starblaydia v Bedistan. It gets even better. Starblaydia to win - they've got to make the last four someday after all.
Sarzonia v Turori. Turori triumph, and goodbye those stattos who say Sarzonia are the best team in the world.
Rejistania v Krytenia. The cynics and Karelans could be crying into their coffee, because we see a big upset here.

SEMI-FINALS
Crystilakere v Starblaydia. Finely poised and a mouthwatering prospect of a game, but we'd plump for the Blaydes to cut the Crystils.
Turori v Krytenia. It could be the world number one v the world champions, but if we're right to assume otherwise we'd fancy Turori.

THIRD PLACED PLAYOFF
Crystilakere v Krytenia. Cynics would expect a cover-up and a Crystilakere whitewash here. We don't see that coming, but we do see a Crystilakere win.

THE FINAL
Starblaydia v Turori. We're not predicting a match like that. It defies prediction. And knowing us, it won't happen.

Sarzonia

05-09-2005, 18:20

Stars draw: E for Easy?

Forgive Sarzonia national team Coach Dave Wilson if he's not exactly jumping for joy over the Stars World Cup finals draw. His team will be one of the Krytenia sides, playing against EL CID THE HERO, Lovisa, and Caprine States in a group featuring teams that Sarzonia is mostly familiar with, except for their chief rivals.

"We've played Lovisa a number of times over the years," Wilson said. "It's been a while, but we're familiar with them. We've only ever beaten them once that I can recall." Wilson was coaching the team when Sarzonia defeated Lovisa 1:0 in the final game of World Cup XVIII qualifying but missed out on the finals. It was the first win for Sarzonia in six tries against the Lovisans.

Sarzonia played Caprine States twice in the groups stage, winning both and not conceding a goal in either, but Wilson dismissed speculation that would mean Caprine States would be an "easy three points."

"I hope you learned from the last World Cup finals that there are no easy three points once you get to the last 32 sides," Wilson said. "Caprine States earned their trip to the Finals, having to play a two-leg playoff. We're going to have to play them harder than we did in the qualifying stages."

As for EL CID THE HERO, Sarzonia has never faced that side before, but Wilson is well aware of the team and its reputation. He said the team will have its hands full with EL CID THE HERO and he expected the battle between Sarzonia and EL CID THE HERO to decide the identity of the two teams who will advance from Group E.

"They're definitely going to be the biggest challenge in our group," Wilson said. "Everyone will be a challenge for us, but we know EL CID THE HERO is going to be the biggest test. If we can get three points out of that match, it will be an accomplishment."

For Wilson's part, he said he would probably face massive calls for his early resignation from the team if Sarzonia weren't at war, calling that a "devil's blessing." Bue he said he's heard some talk among IFF members that they would ask him to assume his coaching duties in Hypocria and let Barry Owens coach the team in the Finals.

"I've got a job to do here before I address the Hypocria job," Wilson said. "Namely, that's to lead this team to a World Cup trophy. That'd be a good way to end my tenure here."

Squornshelous

05-09-2005, 18:20

Group H: (in Krytenia)
#16 Krytenia
#24 Five Civilized Nations
#11 Squornshelous
#29 Spruitland

Group H looks like a very competetive Group, with no teams outisde the top 30. Squornshelous is the favorite by rank, but Krytenia will be very tough to beat on their home turf. It will be very intense play against all three of our opponents, with the top and bottom teams separated by only 14.43 KPB points. the Pschychoes will have to improve greatly on what they showed in qualifying if they want to be contenders in this cup. Luckily for us, we don't think any of the teams in this group would accept help from another team i order to beat us, as most of them probably like their chances against teh Pschychoes anyhow. The match against Krytenia will be quite interesting, considering the intense pair of matches the two teams had in World Cup 23 Qualifying. The Pschychoes also have past experience against Five Civilized Nations, but not since their recent imrpovements. Spruitland will also be a challenge, pitting their defensive team, which won the Karelan Wooden Spoon in World Cup 23 Qualifying, against the Pschychoes attacking strategy.

All in all, it looks to be a rather interesting, if difficult group. While it isn't a group of death, with no top ten teams involved, it should be one of the most closely fought groups of this cup.

Bedistan

05-09-2005, 18:30

bsd
the bedistan sports digest

Davidson warns of Bedistan threat

SOBERITY CITY, Druida -- The World Cup 24 group draw has been released, and Bedistan finds itself in a so-called "Group of Death" with Vilita, Eauz, and Jeruselem. Manager Mike Davidson gave us his remarks on the group:

"Group of Death?" he said. "For who? Apart from Vilita, I really don't see any significant threats here, at least from a World Cup finals perspective. Granted, Vilita will be a tough customer. After that World Cup 21 quarterfinal, they'll never look at us the same way again, and we will have to be at the absolute top of our game for that one. Besides that, though, there should be nothing to worry about for us, and Eauz and Jeruselem need to watch out."

Fmjphoenix

05-09-2005, 19:25

Oh no, Rejistania again???

The World Cup Draw as been finished and Fmjphoenix finds themselves within familiar company.Here is how it looks for the Vikings:

Group G (in Krytenia)
Rejistania
Liverpool England
Fmjphoenix
Commerce Heights

Out of all of these teams Rejistania is the only squad that the Vikings have faced, and they are undefeated against them. Yes, thats right. Fmjphoenix defeated the Orange-Blues in the second round of World Cup 23 1-0. But the Vikings have never played Liverpool England or Commerce Heights, but have ties to both nations. Two coaches on the Fmjphoenix staff came from Liverpool England back in the Vikings inagural entry into the World Cup, and Fmjphoenix has had two hosting bids with Commerce Heights. Overall it looks like it will be a very tight group, but not impossible for the Vikings to advance out of. The matchup against Rejistania will again be vital for the Vikings, as the two nations have a major rivalry.

Audioslavia

05-09-2005, 19:48

World Cup 24 Draw Review
http://www.dirt-racing.com/3wide/sites/nswc/rp/wckits.gif

Draw throws up interesting results, Statistics Department rush the graphic

Audioslavia were drawn into group C in DK24 alongside dangerous underdogs Nedalia and, interestingly, Starblaydia and its puppet nation Nova Britannicus.

Group C however, isn't the most dangerous group by far. As the graphic above shows (as well as some randomly made-up-last-minute kits for some football teams), group D contains ex-champions Bedistan, ex-champions Vilita and twice-ex-champions Eauz. Had we included the team's shorts in the graphic, then group-mates Jerusalem's shorts would most probably be rapidly turning brown.

Other groups of note include holders Rejistania's group G which also includes two ex-champions of yesteryear, Liverpool England and Commerce Heights.

The Rundown: The Predictions

Group A:
Hosts Druida find themselves in a group with teams old, middle-aged and new in fogies Total 'n Utter Insanity, Tadjikistan and talented new-boys Hurfordia. Expect home advantage to count here as Druida get themselves to the second round, while one out of Tadjikistan and Total 'n Utter Insanity with join them, although many an Audioslavian will hope Hurfordia go through, Tadjikistan go home and TnUI go f**k themselves.

Prediction:
Druida
Total 'n Utter Insanity
Tadjikistan
Hurfordia

Group B:
The two-footed debutants Bipedal Apes will have to be sure-footed to get points against the always-dangerous Cockbill Street and Crystilakere sides, despite their dip in form in recent years, while the Sharks of Oaker will be poised to... well... who really knows what Oaker are capable of? It may seem like lazy journalism, but the Sharks will finish anywhere between first and fourth spots, with Crystilakere having the most chance of getting through to the next round.

Prediction:
Oaker
Crystilakere
Oaker
Cockbill Street
Oaker
Bipedal Apes
Oaker

Group C:
The last time Audioslavia and Starblaydia shared a group it went down to a nail-biting finale, with the teams in second to fourth being decided by the last ten minutes of both games. This time however, the group will probably be most famous for the game between 'blaydia and Nova Britannicus, a master vs puppet match which is an odds on bet for having the most crowd trouble, especially since Popular Freedom didn't qualify. Nedalia are hotly tipped to upset a few big names on their finals debut, and this reporter believes they'll do just that, progressing from a topsy-turvy group that will see Nova Britannicus overturn their colonial owners and getting into the second round.

Prediction:
Nova Britannicus
Nedalia
Starblaydia
Audioslavia

Group D:
Run! Run for your lives for the group of death is upon us! Bedistan, Vilita and Eauz make up three of the most well known sides of world football. Jeruselem are no slouches either, but they are less likely to get through here. Whatever happens in group D, one of the all-time great nations are going to be taking an early exit. We predict it'll be Eauz, but a well placed win over Bedi or Vil could turn the whole thing on its head.

Prediction:
Bedistan
Vilita
Eauz
Jeruselem

Group E:
Number 1 ranked Sarzonia find themselves in arguably the easiest group of the draw. Lovisa can beat most teams on their day, but one feels the Stars won't find it too difficult to get six points here. EL CID THE HERO are usually tipped to go out at this stage despite the amount of times they've proved everyone wrong, and we don't feel like eschewing one of the few constants in Cup Predicting by saying otherwise. Caprine States are more than capable of taking a couple of points or a win in this group, but we tip them join EL CID on an early plane home.

Prediction:
Sarzonia
Lovisa
EL CID THE HERO
Caprine States

Group F:
The flamboyant attacking football of Svecia light up any cups that the lightening qualify for, but since the early days success has been few and far between. We tip them to make an early exit, but not before upsetting pseudo-Colony Cup champs Turori by taking a point or three from the islanders. Turori will still qualify, most probably at the expense of plucky Oglethorpia who are still a work-in-progress team, with One Red Dot joining them in the second round.

Prediction:
One Red Dot
Turori
Svecia
Oglethorpia

Group G:
World Champs Rejistania (how often have we said that in the last few decades?) have themselves a tough task in the group of not-altogether-lacking-the-death factor as they face tough ex-champs Liverpool England and Commerce Heights, and we actually predict them to falter. FMJ Phoenix will also be strong competition after an impressive qualifying run. We predict this group to be the closest fought. We also predict it to signify the death of Karela. Lets face it, its a stain on the face of football and it has to go. ATTACK MEANS ENTERTAINMENT!

Prediction:
Liverpool England
FMJ Phoenix
Commerce Heights
Rejistania

Group H:
Host nations Krytenia play off against the forever troublesome Stupid Heads and an exciting young Spruitland side for a place in the second round. Expect them to do it, but not altogher convincingly. Five Civilised Nations are in good stead after qualifying comfortably, and will most likely stuff the Stupidheads but ultimately fail to progress to round two.

Prediction:
Spruitland
Krytenia
Five Civilised Nations
Stupidheads

Excited yet? We'll see you in June to see whether i've won a tenner off of Lee Branson.

I've been Jeremy Jaffacake, g'nite bitches.

Jeremy Jaffacake takes no responsibility for the bastardisation of any football kits. We like the idea of Jeruselem playing in lilac and lime :)

Squornshelous

05-09-2005, 19:57

OOC: Now that I have Photoshop, I probably should make kits for my team. Not bad for a wild guess though.

Squornshelan Kit now up in the roster thread, but for those of you too lazy to check it out, here it is.

http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v629/squorn/squornkit_edited.jpg

I'll clean it up some other time, for now, enjoy MS Paint.

Tadjikistan

05-09-2005, 20:59

Tadjiks know their opponents
Groups drawn.

The Tadjiks end up in group A with Druida, Total n Utter Insanity and Hurfordia. Its certainly no group of death, the Tadjiks have a good chance here against opponents they've met and beaten before or an unknown side that shouldnt pose a threat.

But the Sadirovs wouldnt say that: 'Hurfordia will play in the role of underdog, they've already achieved a victory; their first qualification. So they have nothing to lose, thats dangerous enough. I dont think they'll go through to the next round, but they can make a lot of trouble in this group.

'Druida, well, the last encounter with them was a victory, that is correct, but its been so long ago and they've improved alot. I dont know what to expect, I do know that they'll be a though opponent with a home advantage. But they havent gone through the qualification, while we played fourteen matches recently, lets hope that can make the difference we need.'

'Total n Utter insanity is definitly stronger than us, but as we've seen during the qualifications, they can be beaten. Lets just hope we get lucky and jump over them as we did in the qualification. I cant make any predictions on who will end where, because I simply dont have enough info on some teams. Maybe after the first matchday, I can say something about that.'

Tadjiks and their Kits

After seeing the ugly little thingies Audioslavian journalists used in a review, the TNFF decided to design a proper kit, that can replace Audioslavia's trash

http://users.pandora.be/bdc/Tadj/Tadkit2.jpg

OOC: I admit it aint that great(WoW, Its MSpaint!), but its better than that small shirt with the ugly sleeves :D :) Where did you get the crazy idea to combine. Edit: pants added

Turori

06-09-2005, 00:28

http://www.dirt-racing.com/3wide/sites/vilita/vn/tn/tieot.gif

Turori: Karelan Shield in Our Position

-------------------In a shocking development in the wee hours of this morning, a joint effort between the Turorian FA and the Vilitan Orbital Intelligence Agency saw the brief hijacking and release of the Rejistanian protector TuxBot. TuxBot was held captive by the Turorian stalwarts for just a short period of time, when it was agreed that TuxBot would go free in return for the traditional Magic Shield Of Karela, along with all the Karelan power it possesses. Along with the hijackers was a Turorian Reporter who managed a word with Tuxbot before being set free.

"0000010101 100101 01101 010 1001 01 0101 10101000101010 10 101 0101 01010 1010 1010 010 1010 01 10 10101 01 010 1010010 10 1010 10 1010 101010101010101010 10 010 101010 1010 01 01 010 10 01010 1010010101001010 10 1010 10100110010100101 010100101010 011001 010101001010 0101 10 1001010100101010 10101 01 01 01 010100101010100 1010101010 010 10101 01 01010101 01 010101 01 01 01 01 010101010 1010100101010101 010101010 10101 0 1010 1010 10 100010101010100101010101 01010 01010101000010101 100101 01101 010 1001 01 0101 10101000101010 10 101 0101 01010 1010 1010 010 1010 01 10 10101 01 010 1010010 10 1010 10 1010 101010101010101010 10 010 101010 1010 01 01 010 10 01010 1010010101001010 10 1010 10100110010100101 010100101010 011001 010101001010 0101 10 1001010100101010 10101 01 01 01 010100101010100 1010101010 010 10101 01 01010101 01 010101 01 01 01 01 010101010 1010100101010101 010101010 10101 0 1010 1010 10 10001010101010010101010101010 01010101" which roughly translated means "TuxBot has great pleasure giving Turori the sole karelan shield of magic, so it can never again be used by Rejistania and is never going to bring it back to rejistania even if they say they have it, it will really just be a piece of metal so rejis thinks they have the shield but they really won't!"

-------------------It is widely believed that TuxBot was sick of having to process day after day of newsletters, taunts, greets and other associative statements from Rejistania in accordance with their karelan allegiance. TuxBot did not fight, but was rather accepting of it's brief capture having longed for the day that the reign of Karela would be over in Rejistania. It is believed as well that Tuxbot was looking forward to a normal existence, and has even considered a switch to a windows operating system, although that information is not confirmed.

-------------------The Turorian's are well prepared to take on the Karelan powers, with Head Coach and former national goalkeeper Milauo Slietah the only known Non-Rejistanian on record who has ever harnessed the power of Karela for their own use. Slietah will now employ Karelan tactics, which along with the magic of the Karelan Powers will only move to strengthen Turori's bid for their first world title in World Cup XXIV in Druida and Krytenia. Many will recall that it was Druida where Turori's colonial entourage Vilita broke their championship duck, and Druidan's are already preparing for a potential repeat of the large scale invasion that surround that event.

Additional Sources:: Slietah Harnesses Magic of Karela (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=9267373&postcount=451)

--------------------------------------------------------------------
Ao1b(8 ............... OouYvaiVYaqkBWjwIIOB ............. 001092019726X9

The Archregimancy

06-09-2005, 00:54

Somewhere deep in the Archregimancy....

"I hear the World Cup draw's been made" said the Archregimand. "So, who are we playing? when does the team leave for the Cup?"

"Erm, well, uh, ah, hmmmmm"

"Well, Fr. Ambrose? When do they leave?"

"<cough> <cough> <cough> theydont <cough> <cough>"

"Speak up, man"

"Erm, they, well, errrrr... that is to say...."

"What is it, Father?"

"Errm, you see, wedidn'tactuallyqualifyyourexcellency"

"What do you mean we didn't qualify? I saw the coverage myself! We were two-nil up against Nedalia! Alright, Nedalia clawed it back to 2-2, but I watched the match.... deep into injury time it was still 2-2. We qualified on the away goals rule, surely?"

"Erm, well, ah, you remember how the footage cut out right at the end, Your Excellency. Right when there was that back pass to Fr. Justinian?"

"Vaguely - the signal from ordinary physical reality's so poor it cuts out all the time"

"Well, the good news is that Nedalia failed to score off the resulting free kick, Your Excellency"

"And so we qualified. Marvellous. Where can I buy my ticket?"

"Erm, but some obscure Nedalian whose name needn't trouble us further then promptly dribbled through our entire defence and scored with the last kick of the game"

"WHAAAAAT?"

"So we didn't qualify, Your Excellency"

"Ah well. Never mind. We tried hard. We came close. Can't ask for more, and all that"

"Shall we inform the nation, Your Excellency"

"Hmmmm. Tough one. Maybe not. I'm sure the Holy Synod agrees that we've all been a little too football focused recently. Let the monks return to their life of prayer for a little while - at least until we know whether our Cup of Harmony hosting bid is successful - and I'm sure they'll forget all about the World Cup."

"Yes, Your Excellency"

"And meanwhile, get me a television set so I can watch the tournament myself. I've always had a soft spot for Svecia since I used to watch Alasdair I Frosticus take them on in early World Cups. Don't have much time for these new-fangled Johnny-come-latelys who only started playing after World Cup 5, me'self. Ahhhh, the good old days... back when teams used to walk uphill both ways in the snow just to reach the ground. Times were 'ard back then, but we were 'appy. We were 'appy because times were 'ard. Now players are soft. Soft I tell you! And this 'System Karela'? Pah! 'Attack means defeat', my arse... "

"Yes, Your Excellency"

At which point we should perhaps draw a polite veil over the increasingly frustrated rantings of the Archregimand, who is, after all, the only secular figure in a nation of monastic devotion, and is probably missing his wife back in Alasdair I Frosticus...

Oglethorpia

06-09-2005, 06:11

THE BUREAUCRATIC TRIBUNE
Too freakin' rare we commemorate it with this rather humorous subtext, since 1603

Oglethorpia...QUALIFIES!

SOMEWHERE (BT) -- In an astounding alignment of the stars, planets, quills and other mildly spherical objects, Oglethorpia emerged from the two-game playoff against Bettia with a 3-1 win, qualifying for World Cup 24 (or XXIV for you Roman numeral fanatics) 4-2 aggregate. Much money soon exchanged hands in the ensuing grumbling at lost bets and jaws dropped in astonishment at the upset of the widely head belief the Ostriches would flounder spectacularly.

"Indeed we didn't flounder spectularly," Torrence Black, coach, said. But others have different ideas about the future of the Ostriches now that they've made it into the Cup-proper.

"Well, now they're movin' on up...but are still going to fail miserably in the group stage," said the typically dismal Joe Staplin of the OAF. Oglethorpia finds itself against the likes of Turori (a puppet of the Vilitan government) and Svecia, and One Red Dot.

"Well, we find ourselves against the likes of Turori and Svecia," elaborated striker Mel Memorable, "which is great given we've faced the puppet master of one country [Turori/Vilita] and the very same [Svecia] in qualifying. That is to say, not great."

It remains to be seen if Oglethorpia's newfound elation at having qualified will be destroyed by a poor show in the first round.

Commerce Heights

06-09-2005, 06:39

The Aeropag Tribune—Now coming to you from within a few hundred kilometers of Woodstock

World Cup: National team faces financial crisis, buys cheap Audioslavian uniforms
COMMERCE HEIGHTS, CT—Due to an inaccurate printer, national team coach Paul Iñaki thought he had over XAU 1 000 to spend before the World Cup began. Unfortunately for him, he discovered yesterday that that number was less than XAU ‒1 000, with the minus sign bleeding into a preceding em dash. This large deficit forced Iñaki to take drastic measures. “My first thought was to sell everything and forfeit the Cup,” he recalled. “My second was to ask for international help, but I knew funds from CHEAT would drop off almost immediately.” Eventually, he came up with a plan—sell off equipment as collectors’ items to the highest bidders. When he got together enough equipment to make up the deficit, he discovered another problem—the team wouldn’t have uniforms! He was about ready to give up, when he saw someone on the street holding a copy of an Crystilakere publication that was outraged by some slani graphic…
“I’ll give you a tenth of the gram for that paper,” he said to the person. The stranger accepted. He discovered that in response to the inaccurate graphic, a Crystilakere designer was offering uniforms based on it for sale. He quickly dialed the phone—no longer a long-distance call—and asked, “Can I get Capitalizt uniforms based on that graphic for an entire team? Yes, that price is fine. You can print Aquillan names, right?”
And so it is that the Commerce Heights Capitalizts were forced to sell off their traditional gold and green for a “new look,” as Iñaki put it in a press conference, of gray and blue. “Gold and green just wasn’t working anymore. It got us the last two matches of World Cup 15 over 60 years ago, but what has it done since? Two three-nil losses to former-ex-regionmate Bedistan, two one-nil losses to the infamous ‘random nation,’ a three-nil loss to Sarzonia, and a host of other disasters.” The extremist group calling themselves “Margaretists,” recalling the appearance of Margaret during World Cup 22, have objected strongly to the new look, saying it will “turn Margaret against us forever!” There have been many other objections to the uniform, mostly centering around its bland design, and that the gray, as artist Clayton Hause says, “just plain slanis!”

Sarzonia

06-09-2005, 07:10

Government responds to CEO's apology

WOODSTOCK (ASP) -- In a move that startled many observers on both sides of the gulf of hostility that erupted between the governments of Sarzonia and Commerce Heights, Commerce Height's CEO Matthew Sparks apologised to the Sarzonian government, hoping to end what had become a tense period in Commerce Heights-Sarzonian relations.

"We have no desire to fight anyone in battle," Sparks said. "Even though our people have many differences, I hope our nations can work together in the future, rather than quibbling over insignificant legal matters."

A spokesman for President Mike Sarzo declined comment, except to say the President was "studying the release en route to Navarre," where Sarzo was meeting with representatives from The Freethinkers Commonwealth to discuss a treaty of friendship. However, Deputy Senior Vice President and External Affairs Officer Grant Haffner said the government was "99 44/100 percent likely to accept," Sparks's apology.

"They've made what could be considered a bold gesture," he said. "We'd have to study the long-term ramifications before we issued anything definitive, but there's a good chance from what I've seen that we'll move on to a football rivalry instead of the political hostility."

A spokesman for House Speaker Josh Williams said the House of Delegates was considering a motion by Delegate Connie Jacobi (Liberal Imperialist-Somerset) to pull a proposal to sever diplomatic and economic ties with Commerce Heights from consideration. Such a move traditionally happens when the President asks Parliament to do so or vetoes such a declaration.

"The ball's in our court now," Jacobi said.

"It's time for us to get back to football. It's a very positive distraction for us in a time of war," Lieutenant President Nicole Lewis said aboard the ISS Pacitalia. "I'll probably sign it unless Mike tells me otherwise."

As Lieutenant President, Lewis has authority to sign legislation in the absence of the President, but with both the President and the Lieutenant President out of the country, that same authority does not fall on the next person in the line of succession, Senior Vice President and External Affairs Officer Mark Lorber.

Spruitland

06-09-2005, 10:40

http://i5.photobucket.com/albums/y197/Spruitland/sportsgazette.jpg

H for Horror?

“It’s an outrage!” the Spruitland Minister of Sports declared after the World Cup group draw. “That’s a terrible group! Those teams are all ranked higher than us! We should have been drawn in a group with Oglethorpia! And Hurfordia! And those goats and apes! It’s a conspiracy, is what it is!”

Despite the Minister’s indignation, most Spruitlanders don’t seem at all unhappy about the result of the draw. While the hope of getting many points against Krytenia, Squornshelous and Five Civilized Nations is limited, Spruitland football supporters are aware that it could have been a lot worse.

“Let’s face it, at this stage, every group is a Group of Death for us,” coach Cor Bensen shrugs. “But we’ve ended up in the only group that doesn’t have a top ten nation in it. It probably won’t make much of a difference, we’re still the long shot of the group, but our odds of getting a few points just got marginally better.”

“And who knows, with a little bit of luck, maybe we can pull off a stunt. There’s no clear favorite in this group, the other three teams are pretty evenly matched, and it’s gonna be a close fight for every point. Maybe we can be the fourth dog with a boner… erm… or however that saying goes.”

Rejistania

06-09-2005, 12:53

In the temple of Karela, High Priest Haxada was in good mood, despite the TuxBot incident. Monk Syku was very surprised when he saw him laughing as if a good trick just worked. Haxada says with a broad grin: "You think this is a time for mourning, don't you? The Karelan Shield of Magic was stolen." Syku nods hesitantly, what if the karelan power left the temple? "You are right, this would be if it was an actual symbol... you know that in stores often decoys are used instead of real goods in well-visible places?"
"Yes, I know" said Syku.
"We used something similar... The Karelan Shield of Magic did not contain any magic... but it will." He was still smiling!
"You want... to karelize Turori?"
"Indeed, but they wanted to be karelized. You will go to Turori and cast a spell over the shield... a spell which makes it work like a giant va'karela!"
The monk gulps. "How will I get there?"
Haxada points to TuxBot, who just entered the room. Then he says: "Via TuxBot, he'll also help you on the way." then he points to TuxBot and says: "00100101 00100101 00100000 01010011 01111001 01101011 01110101 00100000 01110100 01101111 00100000 01110100 01101000 01100101 00100000 01001011 01100001 01110010 01100101 01101100 01100001 01101110 00100000 01010011 01101000 01101001 01100101 01101100 01100100 00100000 01101111 01100110 00100000 01001101 01100001 01100111 01101001 01100011
"
The TuxBot points to his back and then to Monk Syku. The monk mounts and TuxBot waddles in high speed towards Turori.

Only a few hours later, Syku reaches the Turorian shore. He is totally wet because the TuxBot can better dive than swim on the water-surface. Syku thought that he surely will get a cold because the TuxBot now waddles in high speed onwards. No one seems to care about them... well, maybe everyone simply thinks he is hallucinating. Suddenly the TuxBot does something weird: He moves his flippers quickly up and down and slowly starts to leave ground. The Tux flies in front of one open window and squeaks. Syku asks him something he thought about all the time during the travel: "00100101 00100000 01110100 01101000 01100101 00100000 01110000 01101111 01110111 01100101 01110010 00100000 01110100 01101111 00100000 01100011 01100001 01110011 01110100 00100000 01110100 01101000 01100101 00100000 01110011 01110000 01100101 01101100 01101100"
He feels suddenly very strange. As if something strong and powerful decides to crawl though his veins. The monk climbs through the window, and finds the Shield after a quick linear search. He concentrates and casts the spell. the strange feeling ends and he feels the karelizing emit the shield. He goes to the window, where TuxBot still flies and says: "00100101 01101000 01101111 01101101 01100101".

Kaze Progressa

06-09-2005, 14:03

The Daily Kangaroo guide to the World Cup

GROUP A
Druida may crumble under the mammoth weight of expectation on home soil, especially after they reached the semi-finals four years ago. Home 'advantage' may prove to be a disadvantage, but they have the players to negotiate the group stage.
Tadjikistan will face Druida in the tournament's opening match. If they can stun the hosts there, they will be on the crest of a wave and will most likely top the group from there. However, they've picked up just six points from their last three appearances in the World Cup finals, and we see another early exit for them.
Total n Utter Insanity can never be discounted. They're no longer the awesome force of WC21 that made the final without conceding a goal before ill-deservedly losing on penalties, but they're also no longer the team that lost three in a row four years later. Likely to dent Druidan pride when they meet in the group stage.
Hurfordia are mostly happy just to be here. First-time qualifiers - the first since Adam Island sixteen years ago - they have a rank lower even than Kaze Progressa (they didn't even win the Baptism of Fire) and should be discounted by all realists.
Prediction: TnUI, Druida, Tadjikistan, Hurfordia

GROUP B
Crystilakere reached the quarter-finals in the last two World Cups, which takes some doing. In the first, they lost to Rejistania; Sarzonia won the Cup. In the second, they lost to Sarzonia; Rejistania won the Cup. We don't see any more superstition - we do see them making at least the last eight, again.
Oaker are perhaps the most unpredictable of the big-name teams. Who else could reach a World Cup final and then lose it 4-0, four years after losing by the same scoreline to - of all people - Rejistania? We'll predict them to fall, but they'll probably respond by making another final.
Cockbill Street will be the team many Progressans adopt as 'their team', but they seem to be turning more and more into a nation of cricketers. Still, they're in with a shout.
Bipedal Apes can't quite be discounted either, though they lack experience. A very active and noisy press hasn't harmed them, and while they don't have the class players yet they are emerging into a respectable force.
Prediction: Crystilakere, Cockbill Street, Oaker, Bipedal Apes

GROUP C
Starblaydia have never reached a World Cup semi final. Hard to believe, isn't it? They've still got great players, they're still among the favourites, but as soon as we say 'this is their year' they'll fall at the quarter-final stage. Again. Hell, Spain haven't reached the semi finals of the RL World Cup...
Nova Britannicus will want to usurp their Starblaydian masters and silence the critics and cynics from Kaze Progressa and beyond. They stand a good chance of doing it, too, but surely they won't make the last four before their masters?
Audioslavia will gain even more Progressan supporters than Cockbill Street given the group they're in, but the cynical faux-Slaves fans will be left crying 'FIX' when they're beaten by both parts of the Starblaydi empire.
Nedalia don't stand much hope. If it wasn't for some truly diabolical refereeing (and a freak late comeback), The Archregimancy would have beaten Nedalia and become the first unranked team to qualify in 48 years. These guys don't deserve to be here and they won't be here for long.
Prediction: Starblaydia, Nova Britannicus, Audioslavia, Nedalia

GROUP D
Bedistan are one of the greats of World Cup football and are generally shoo-ins for the knockout stages.
Vilita are one of the greats of World Cup football and are generally shoo-ins for the knockout stages.
Eauz are one of the greats of World Cup football and are generally shoo-ins for the knockout stages. See a pattern here? One of them will have to go out at the first hurdle in the ultimate Group of Death, and we think it's Eauz - who have struggled in recent World Cups, except for their home Cup four years ago.
Jeruselem will, at best, help decide which giant joins them in the early exodus from Druida. We'd give them a chance in an ordinary group, but this is no ordinary group.
Prediction: Vilita, Bedistan, Eauz, Jeruselem

GROUP E
Sarzonia are the best team in the world, apparently. They won't need to be in order to get through this group - which would be considered a fix if either of the hosts had landed in it, such is its lack of quality.
Lovisa are the next best team in the group. See what we mean? Yes, we know, they're top-16, but they're inconsistent. And now they're preparing for war with the Republic of IRL.
EL CID THE HERO are hence in with a shout of qualifying. Admittedly they did top a group containing Rejistania four years ago - in Rejistania, to boot - so we shouldn't be so surprised if they go through. But honestly, who really considers these guys among the top 16 teams in the world?
Caprine States could thus pull off what would surely be the greatest upset ever seen in the World Cup finals and qualify. In fact, with their young talent, this emerging nation have a real chance of pulling off just that. And they'll get raucous support from neutral fans. They're 32 places below anyone else in this group on KPB rankings, but that means nothing now.
Prediction - Sarzonia, Caprine States, EL CID THE HERO, Lovisa

GROUP F
Turori have proven that colonies have moved on since Spaamgate. But a top-five nation does not need penalties to beat EL CID before losing 4-0 to the world's most defensive team - a mantle they apparently want to take. Every neutral will cheer their opponents in every game.
Svecia will gain more cheers than any of them, thanks to their attacking style, and they have the talent to make this their Cup. But they're not the team they used to be.
One Red Dot, by contrast, are enjoying their best team ever. We fancy them as outside bets - they may match or even better their semi-final appearance on home soil way back in World Cup 10. At least there wouldn't be a cloud hanging over such a performance this time.
Oglethorpia are going through what American commentators call 'rebuilding'. We can't see them making the NFL playoffs, sorry, round of 16, but we can see them providing an upset somewhere.
Prediction - One Red Dot, Turori, Svecia, Oglethorpia

GROUP G
Rejistania provided arguably the best display of System Karela ever seen four years ago, only conceding one goal en route to winning the Cup in the Progressan-built Estadije Ines Karela Lines - the spiritual home of Karela. Without home advantage they are still formidable, but beatable.
Liverpool England could be the team to beat them in what is unquestionably the second Group of Death. They're ranked eighth in the world, the highest unseeded team, and must be tipped to go further if they escape this group.
Commerce Heights would be fancied in any other group. The war with Sarzonia - while apparently nearly over - may prove too much of a distraction though, and the first team to lose a World Cup finals match in Kaze Progressa will have to face the pain of a highly expensive (but highly decadent) flight home after the group stage.
Fmjphoenix are no mugs either, and an upset from them could turn the group around. They have impressed in qualifying and seem to have emerged from the dark days of WC22 - for which they did not qualify - a stronger force.
Prediction - Rejistania, Liverpool England, Fmjphoenix, Commerce Heights

GROUP H
Krytenia are a decent team and home advantage will clearly help them. But seeded? Give us a break. No way are these guys better than Liverpool England or One Red Dot, both unseeded and ranked well above them. It would be easy to suspect a conspiracy here, but hosts being seeded isn't unusual.
Squornshelous, besides, are also better than Krytenia, despite their rather ordinary WC23. The team that should have made the WC18 final aren't the force they were then, but nor are they 'Bull Shit'.
Five Civilised Nations have lost five out of six matches in the World Cup proper, drawing the other. But they're still a good side, and are consistently emerging as a solid force. They'll improve that abysmal record here and may even qualify.
Spruitland complete by far the most even group in the competition, and have the potential to get through it. However, in terms of current ability and experience, they're lacking. For now.
Prediction - Squornshelous, Krytenia, Five Civilised Nations, Spruitland

If all our predictions are right - which they won't be - the knockout stages (which we've predicted, for completeness and fun) will go as follows (the team in bold winning):

Total n Utter Insanity v Caprine States
Crystilakere v Turori
Starblaydia v Liverpool England
Vilita v Krytenia
Sarzonia v Bedistan
One Red Dot v Nova Britannicus
Rejistania v Cockbill Street
Squornshelous v Druida

Total n Utter Insanity v Crystilakere
Starblaydia v Vilita
Bedistan v One Red Dot
Rejistania v Druida

Total n Utter Insanity v Vilita
Bedistan v Rejistania

Vilita v REJISTANIA

OOC: I wanted to provide another prediction, because a) they're fun, b) I might get one right out of two :D

Jeruselem

06-09-2005, 14:41

<Soccer ad in Jeruselem Government News>

Don't miss out on the World Cup XXIV results. You'll look the neighbourhood dill when your family or collegues talk about the hot soccer action in Krytenia and Druida. Tune in to JGN Sports News as well as the highlights from the Nedalian Premier League.

JGN will be tracking the fortunes of the Jeruselem and Nedalian World Cup XXIV teams as they take on the best national soccer teams in the world. None of this 5 minute highlight packages crap, live games and all the stats you need to stay in touch.

Don't forget about the 19th edition of the Under 21 Championships where kids get their time in the spotlight. Our Nedalian friends are there battling for the U21 crown.

We don't care if you roar for Bedistan, meow for Vilita or are an eager Eauz fan or even the ultimate System Karela fan - JGN Sport News keeps you in touch with the best soccer in NS. 24x7 soccer on JGN, keeping the round ball game going round in Jeruselem.

You can win prizes when you enter our web polls and might even get to meet our World Cup team.

URL: www.jgn.soccer4ever.jew

EL CID THE HERO

06-09-2005, 20:04

Time: 12:10PM
location: a Hotel somewhere in Krytenia.

Doomhammer is lying down on his hotel bed. The phone begins to ring so he answers it.

DH: Hello?

SS: Sir. Is that really you? You haven’t answered my calls for over a week. What have you been doing?

DH: I’ve been focusing on the football. Someone over the Internet challenged me to get the lions to finish top of the group. So I did. And I won 5 CM.

SS: your telling me all you needed to keep your attention on the football was a bet?

DH: Yes. Oh that reminds me, how is the braking of Murphy’s law going?

SS: only two more part to brake according to the list I have. So it shouldn’t take much longer.

DH: good. anyhow, I’ve got to check out the groups. Call me back when you completed it.

S. Sam puts down the phone and walks over to his computer.

SS: So what are the last two?

K: take a look yourself.

S. Sam looks at the screen and sees the list.

1: Nothing is as easy as it looks. X
2: Everything takes longer than you think.
3: Anything that can go wrong will go wrong. X
4: If there is a possibility of several things going wrong, the one that will cause the most damage will be the one to go wrong. Corollary: If there is a worse time for something to go wrong, it will happen then. X
5: If anything simply cannot go wrong, it will anyway. X
6: If you perceive that there are four possible ways in which a procedure can go wrong, and circumvent these, then a fifth way, unprepared for, will promptly develop. X
7: Left to themselves, things tend to go from bad to worse. X
8: If everything seems to be going well, you have obviously overlooked something.
9: Nature always sides with the hidden flaw. X
10: Mother Nature is a bitch. X
11: It is impossible to make anything foolproof because fools are so ingenious. X
12: Whenever you set out to do something, something else must be done first. X
13: Every solution breeds new problems.

SS: why have you marked them with an X, why not a tick or something?

K: … I don’t know how to do that on MS word.

SS: but you’ve spent over 4 year in my…

K: MS WORD IS HARD. DEAL WITH IT!!!

SS: …so only 2 and 13 to go. Do you have the stopwatch?

K: it been 12 days, 7 hours, 23 mins and 48 secs.

SS: YES!!! I believed it would take much longer that 2 weeks. What did you think?

K: I believed it would take about 3.

SS: Then theirs only one more part to brake. And then Murphy’s law is gone. Are their any new problems that have been caused by this?

K: No. I don’t think so.

SS: then it is time. Our last piece of buttered toast. Would you care to do the honours?

K: I don’t have any arms

SS: just open the CD tray then. That will knock it off.

K: but I’m burning some tune onto a CD.

SS: you can do that later. Brake Murphy’s law now.

K: sigh… fine.

The CD tray opens. The plate is knocked off the 50-meter table and the toast begins to turn around.

SS: moment of truth has come at hand.

(to be continued)

Oglethorpia

07-09-2005, 01:01

The Bureaucratic Tribune
Presented to you in beautifully generic typeface since 1603

Dismal predictions are abound tonight

SOMEWHERE (BT) -- Oglethorpia's miraculous qualification was soon met by an outpouring of pessimistic predictions, most featuring the recently triumphant Ostriches bringing up the rear in group F. In agreement were sports analysts from Kaze Progressa and Audioslavia, both placing Oglethorpia at the bottom after the three matchdays.

But more hurtful a wound was the reporting from recently-vanquished Bettia whom Oglethorpia defeated in the two game playoff to make it into the Cup-proper. Namely, the charge that the Bureaucratic States was a haven for "peeping toms." "A serious insult indeed!" noted Foreign Relations Bureau Chief Gordon Whyson.

"Now, I wouldn't dare say folks from Bettia have a serious penchant for putting all their money on the line only to lose it in a foolish wager. But given the fact they did make such an offending statement about us, I do say it! Folks from Bettia have a serious penchant for putting all their money on the line only to lose it in a foolish wager. Wagers, in fact! WAGERS! In plural! What say the Bettians now!?"

Premier Hughgo Gurkemann apologized for the comment from his cabinet. "We'll make sure to lock it more tightly this time around," said the old man, chuckling. "Haha, get it? It was punny. Haha, get it? That was a pun. As was the statement before it." Cue pause, and cough from Gurkemann. "But in all seriousness, some statements in a football report are nothing to have a heart attack over. Though those Bettian people sure like to put money on the table."

Regardless of the political hubbub of so trivial a comment, Oglethorpia forges ahead in the first round with high hopes, even despite the relative lack of faith in the Ostriches, even from their home country. "All we can do is try our best," said coach Torrence Black. "Even if that happens to be losing every game by two handfulls of goals. But preferably, not."

It remains to be seen if Oglethorpia shall defy the concensus, and if the Bureaucratic Tribune shall continue using this clichéd ending to its articles.

Hurfordia

07-09-2005, 07:38

The Hurfordia FA Offices, Attica Street, Hurfordia City

Cast: Conor O'Reilly, Caretaker Manager; Nicholas Beer, FA Chairman

Beer: Have you seen what the pundits are saying about us? "Will be glad to be here". "Should be discounted by all realists". Kaze Progressa even deny that we won the Baptism of Fire!

O'Reilly: Well, sure, we are the underdogs...

Beer: And?

O'Reilly: Well, we've come a long way in a short time. Everyone was surprised we even qualified.

Beer: Yeah, but we did. Let's have a bit of pride in ourselves. Do you want these smug bastards to think we're push-overs?

O'Reilly: Non, but...

Beer: I think we should be aiming to qualify.

O'Reilly: Are you serious? No first-time qualifier has ever made the next round since Aquiliana?

Beer: See! It can be done! And you are going to do it.

O'Reilly: But...

Beer: Conor. You want this job don't you? But Peter still wants it too. And if he can't come back, then there's a talented young manager at Fleet Town who might want it. Get the message?

O'Reilly: Yes sir. Qualify we will sir.

Beer: That's the spirit.

Kaze Progressa

07-09-2005, 17:11

OOC: I was looking at the number of points gained in the tournament as a guide to who won the BoF, and that didn't match the winner because Ruventsoria had a better record in the group stage.

But it made for a good RP, and I may end up creating another relating to fact-checking in the Kangaroo. (I briefly ended up as a Corrupt Dictatorship when I got the issue relating to media accuracy and I decided to let the government check the media... so that matches, too)

Hurfordia

07-09-2005, 19:57

Starblaydia

08-09-2005, 13:06

Starblaydia Looking for Last-Four and More
Britannicans, Slaves and Innit Point not gonna stop 'em

They're having such a good time. Having a ball, even. That's why they're hoping that they can go all the way to the, um, Semi-Finals. Some cried 'fix' to sum up Starblaydia's current situation. They've been placed in Druida, after all, their co-host for World Cup 20, they've been placed with their neighbours Nova Britannicus too. So, obviously, you have to discount the Audioslavia and Nedalia factors in this little conspiracy.

Looking at the facts, however, one can see that this really should be Starblaydia's group. The men in white-and-purple have three of the best players in the world as the spine of their side:

Zhorin Tumunzahar, for instance, is the Dwarf of the moment. Easily comparable - some say better - in Dwarven terms to the great Streetian Harald Axeweilder, Zhorin is perhaps the best striker in the best League in the world, the Vilitan Stellar Division. The gold-booted Dwarf is currently second on the all-time Starblaydi Scoring chart, second only - only - to one of the greatest players the world has ever seen, Simeone Di Bradini. Fast, strong, powerful, deadly-accurate, tough, industrious - Zhorin has it all. Including an impressive beard, so watch out.

Itechton Matranga, at 27, is in the prime of an excellent career. Though you may want to compare him to his Dad Aiden or his older brother Nick, Itechton is a superb player in his own right, leading Jhanna City to the Liga Sarblaydia title practically on his own in Season 6. The attacking-midfielder/striker has been red-hot so far in Qualifying, and can't wait to be unleashed onto Starblaydia's opponents.

Angelos Prokopsis, on the other hand, is as fine a 'keeper as you are likely to see in a Starblaydi shirt. Liga Starblaydia 'Keeper of the year was his first great accolade, and after a short period farmed out by the Yeaddin Owls he has now cemented his place at VLeague side Marine Coast United. With a steady centre-back pairing in front of him, he also gives Starblaydia the edge in any penalty shoot-out, never mind the percentage by which he increases Starblaydia's clean sheets.

Nikola "Laser" Lazerevski, Starblaydia's manager, will be looking for three things from the three Group matches. Vengence against the Slaves, a thrashing of the Bluebirds and a good kicking for the Nedalians. Simple, really, now Starblaydia just have to go and do it for him.

Svecia

08-09-2005, 21:59

VILÄMNA DAGENS NYHETER

SVECIA QUALIFY AGAIN
Drawn with familiar teams Oglethorpia, Turori, and One Red Dot

What else is new? Certainly not the fact that Svecia will again face some of their qualification rivals in Oglethorpia and Vilita´s colony Turori. Same old same old, ho hum, right? Well maybe not. Svecia look to be on this time around, at least in qualifying after posting a group best 11-1-2 record, beating Vilita in the process, giving Svecikans something to cheer about for a change. And as the swarms of yellow clad, multilingual, tall Lightning fans descend on Krytenia´s many pubs in the weeks leading up to the tournament, the atmosphere will certainly be electric for the opening kickoffs.

Krytenia

10-09-2005, 14:01

The KFA have announced the stadium allocations for the groups. They will be as follows:

GROUP E

New Coalfields, New Osteria, Monteste: The industrial city in the south-east of the mainland will play host to the Sarzonian national side for the entire group phase, and should they qualify, also the Stars' second round match. Though the city itself is for the most part a sprawling mass of factories, warehouses, and terraced housing, the views from Monthuez Hill in northern Monteste will be a wonderful site from those fans with a car and time on their hands.

Games:
R1: Sarzonia v Lovisa
R1: Sarzonia v El Cid The Hero
R1: Sarzonia v Caprine States
R2: Winner E v Second D (Match K1)

Sixways Stadium, Avidia, Zuidzen: Avidia is Krytenia's second city, with wonderful museums and beautiful riverside parkland. Central Road, about a mile from the ground, is the centre of the city's nightlife. Sixways itself is the smallest of the eight grounds to be used, however it has some of the best acoustics and should play host to a few thrilling encounters, and the possibility of seeing the co-host Aces in the second round.

Games:
R1: El Cid The Hero v Caprine States
R1: Lovisa v Caprine States
R1: Lovisa v El Cid The Hero
R2: Winner H v Second A (Match K4)

GROUP F

Mellion Lane, Davisham, Northern Lands: All set to be used as a base for Bedistan (the border is less than thirty miles away), and then the Lions went and got drawn in Druida. So Turori will be playing here instead. Davisham itself is a leafy provincial city, quite peaceful and with few distractions - not a great spot for drinkers though. Look out for Bernie, the flat-capped groundsman who always sits behind the goal at the West Stand end.

Games:
R1: Turori v Svecia
R1: Turori v One Red Dot
R1: Turori v Oglethorpia
R2: Winner F v Second C (Match K2)

ArenaWest, Aigburth, Aigea: The capital of the Aigea province, the Aigburtons work hard and play hard. Every street seems to have a bar or pool hall, and the town is a bustling hive of activity 24/7. ArenaWest itself is a functional, ugly, grey structure, but it was built for the noise level rather than its form. Pack your earplugs.

Games:
R1: One Red Dot v Oglethorpia
R1: Svecia v Oglethorpia
R1: One Red Dot v Svecia
R2: Winner G v Second B (Match K3)

GROUP G

Mercia Stadium, Bromham, Nova Mercia: It seems strange, but the Karelan nation of Rejistania will be playing at a stadium whose first international was a six-nil drubbing for the home side. Yup, this was the home of the short-lived Nova Mercia national side during World Cup 22. Bromham itself is a beautifully historic city, with some stunning architecture. Oh, and good nightlife, too!

Games:
R1: Rejistania v Liverpool England
R1: Rejistania v Commerce Heights
R1: Rejistania v FMJPhoenix
SF: Winner Q3 v Winner Q4 (Match S2)

Denbigh Park, Ousevale, Nova Mercia: Famed for its university, the city of Ousevale is full of coffee shops, twisting pathways and quaint shops. It's easy to get lost here - unless you're looking for Denbigh Park or the Uni, which both tower over the low-rise landscape. Rejistanian fans will love the place - shame they're not playing there...

Games:
R1: Commerce Heights v FMJPhoenix
R1: FMJPhoenix v Liverpool England
R1: Liverpool England v Commerce Heights
QF: Winner K1 v Winner K2 (Match Q3)

GROUP H

Davis Memorial Stadium, Everton City, KCT: Over a hundred thousand fans wanting your head on a silver platter. This is the fate that awaits the players of Five Civilised Nations, Squornshelous, and Spruitland as they attempt to defeat the resident Krytenian team. At least there are a number of bars around for them to drown their sorrows! On a more serious note, the DMS will be hoping that all four of their allocated games include the Aces - their other match is none other than the Final.

Games:
R1: Krytenia v Squornshelous
R1: Krytenia v Five Civilised Nations
R1: Krytenia v Spruitland
FN: Winner S1 v Winner S2 (World Cup XXIV Final)

Oxley Park, Everton City, KCT: Everton City's other stadium, and much closer to the many sights, attractions, and nightclubs of the city centre. The ground could conceivably see a Rejistania-Krytenia quarter-final - hey, we'd pay money to see that!

Games:
R1: Five Civilised Nations v Spruitland
R1: Squornshelous v Spruitland
R1: Five Civilised Nations v Squornshelous
QF: Winner K3 v Winner K4 (Match Q4)

Druida

10-09-2005, 23:23

Druidan Stadia

Druida always tries to get international football around the country as much as possible, and so they try to use as many stadia as possible. All in all, twelve Druidan grounds will be used for rounds from the group games through to the 3rd/4th place play-off. They are as follows

Group A

The Hole, Moorestown
Capacity - 121,000
Home of - The Druida Rainbows

The Hole is Druida's national stadium, where the national team play their home games, as well as playing host to numerous other sporting events, including the fifth Field Hockey World Cup final. The roof over the stadium retracts to let air into this 200 metre deep hole in the Capitalsclan countryside. The capacity has been increased by 43,000 since it first opened during World Cup 12 Qualifying and, due to the growing demand for tickets from sobering fans, as well as World Cup 20 coming to Druida, The Hole has been dug ever deeper, and now accommodates over 120,000. If this bid is successful, we do not see The Hole being dug any deeper. Most famous for being too small to accomodate the entire population of Vilita, who popped over to see their side win World Cup 20 here.

R1: Druida v Total n Utter Insanity
R1: Druida v Hurfordia
SF: Winner Q1 v Winner Q2 (Match S1)
3/4: Loser S1 v Loser S2

Griffin Park, Soberity City
Capacity - 43,000
Home of - Soberity Albion

Griffin Park after was built around World Cup 18, as Albion's old ground had collapsed in suspicious circumstances. However, Albion now assure us that their bigger, newer stadium is safe. The ground is named after the national animal of Druida, the griffin, which our nation description says "frolics freely in our many lush forests." However, the large proportion of Druidish griffins are dirty urban dwellers, which live in the less-than-desirable inner suburbs of Druidish cities. The area around Griffin Park is one of the most notorious griffin habitats in Druida, though spectators and officials alike are reminded that they don't harm people too often.

R1: Tadjikistan v Hurfordia
R1: Druida v Tadjikistan

Montisch Stadion, Neodzki
Capacity - 51,000
Home of - Dinamo Neodzki

Montisch is in the New Europa region of Druida, where there is no clear set language spoken. It is unknown how people talk to each other there, as there seems to be at least twenty different words for just about everything, but somehow it has become one of the most prosperous areas of the country. However, it is also stil has a relatively high proportion of drunks living in the area.

R1: Tadjikistan v Total n Utter Insanity
R1: Total n Utter Insanity v Hurfordia
R2: Winner B v Second F (Match D2)

GROUP B

Histodome, Druid Tribune
Capacity - 60,000
Home of - Druid Tribune

A new stadium in an old city, and the new home to Druida's 2016 champions is will be this place. It appears to be the exact opposite of what the city is all about, classic architecture from down the ages. But if this isn't a classic piece of modern architecture, right on the banks of Lake Bekk (or Bec, as it is known in Druid Tribune itself), then I'll be damned! Though it does look a little like a plastic fruitbowl...

R1: Crystilakere v Oaker
R1: Crystilakere v Cockbill Street
QF: Winner D3 v Winner D4 (Match Q1)

The Plughole, Trontby
Capacity - 34,000
Home of - Trontby

The Plughole is quite ironically named, as ever since it was first used for international competition at AOCAF 8, the home team's form seems to have gone down the plughole. The plug in the centre of the stadium's roof is filled with hot air and can be raised and dropped accordingly to let sunlight or, more usually, keep the atmosphere in.

R1: Cockbill Street v Bipedal Apes
R1: Cockbill Street v Oaker

Park Park, Parkville
Capacity - 35,000
Home of - Parkville

Despite not being the biggest ground in the country, Park Park is definitely the most luxurious, with not only every seat having padding, but also a drinks holder, ear plugs relaying the commentary of games in eight different languages and a monitor built into the seat in front, allowing spectators to watch replays of whatever they want, whenever they want. It's what you would expect from the richest club in Druida.

R1: Oaker v Bipedal Apes
R1: Crystilakere v Bipedal Apes

Group C

CheminduStadium, Graymouth
Capacity - 72,000
Home of - Graymouth

In the heart of Druida's industrial region on the west coast, the CheminduStadium is owned by Druida's largest company Chemindus. The second biggest stadium in the country is home to Graymouth, and is next door to the infamous ChemindusArena, a former nuclear power station once used for Handball World Cup matches. Any sides hoping to use va'karelas or va'takils be warned - Graymouth is leading the way in rendering them all useless.

R1: Starblaydia v Audioslavia
R1: Starblaydia v Nova Britannicus
QF: Winner D1 v Winner D2 (Match Q1)

Away Ground, Port Scadock
Capacity - 46,000
Home of - Vilitan Exiles

The Away Ground is in Druida's biggest port, and is likely to be crammed full of Vilitans and sailors no matter what the game. If Vilita get to play here, it is virtually a home game. But most teams won't struggle to find fans from the local sailing community, who go all around the world.

R1: Nova Britannicus v Nedalia
R1: Nova Britannicus v Audioslavia
R2: Winner D v Second H (Match D4)

Cranbury Park Lane, Cranbury
Capacity - 42,000
Home of - Cranbury United

The home of Cranbury United is not a new location for football, but they have built the stadium from scratch since the DPL got up and running again. Gives them a stadium that they can finally boast is bigger than their rivals Parville and Bessburg's. Not that the other two particularly care.

R1: Audioslavia v Nedalia
R1: Starblaydia v Nedalia

GROUP D

Sorrellime Fountain, Sorrellime
Capacity - 50,000
Home of - Sorrellime Avengers

Overlooked for World Cup 20 because they only wanted to use the grounds of teams in the DPL at the time, the Fountain is a spectacular looking stadium where, when the roof opens, the ground looks like a fountain. Sorrellime is a quiet, yet unexpectedly large city on the banks of the River Gray. In fact, a lot of Druidans don't even know it's there. Odd, eh?

R1: Bedistan v Eauz
R1: Vilita v Eauz
R2: Winner A v Second E (Match D1)

MDS Bowl, Thackworth
Capacity - 53,500
Home of - Thackworth Rovers

Now, you may not recognise the name Thackworth, but then we wouldn't expect you to. Because it doesn't exist yet. Well, the name doesn't, anyway. The city does. It is currently one of Druida's most famous cities, but as the people are sobering up, the people are realising that what they are speaking isn't Mock Welsh. It is total gibberish. So they've decided to give the place a proper name. See also Moorestown (formerly Mawr) and Soberity City (you might know it as Cefn).

R1: Bedistan v Vilita
R1: Bedistan v Jeruselem

The Goalshell, Crook
Capacity - 38,000
Home of - Crook Cavaliers

A stadium built for AOCAF 8, the Goalshell's home team have also undertaken a name change, from Cruqws to Crook. It is a former convict city in the North West of Druida, where criminals from all around the world were sent to rot. Nothing like that now, Cruqws is actually quite a nice modern place, as you can see from this brand spanking new stadium.

R1: Vilita v Jeruselem
R1: Eauz v Jeruselem
R2: Winner C v Second G (Match D3)

In case you don't know your way around Druida (highly likely, considering that most Druidans are a little unsure), here's a map listing a number of Druidan towns and cities (that number being 66).

http://i2.photobucket.com/albums/y2/NEWI/DruidanCities.jpg

Name changes from those on the map are as follows...

Was Now
Cefn City Soberity City
Llllllllllcwllllllll Thackworth
Mawr Moorestown
Cruqws Crook
Huwdaey Hughdy
Llanfrangydd Longlands
Erracq Eric
Pontypanddar Pryston
Pontycaerpwlli Lairhead
Caerddord Wardenscastle
Llwellbam Rockstone
Cwmall Peepshill
Clwd Cloud

The pictures of the featured stadia were included in our bid thread, but as they take so long to appear on screen, we're going without this time. If you're that desperate to see, just enter the word Montisch into the jolt search. I can't imagine many other threads featuring such a word.

Nedalia

11-09-2005, 00:56

Randy Gamman, the Lions' manager, sits back and relaxes after a morning training session. The A/C has already been turned on by his secretary, Vionna Leeflet, to counter the blistering heat of Nedalia's summer. Granted, the training camp is taking place in moderate climate of Andestranne, but even then, sweat doesn't take too long before it begins to drip off the forehead. Gamman liked the little attention to detail his new secretary possessed, although she wasn't too much of a looker. He calls her in.

RANDY GAMMAN: Vionna, see if you can get me some of that Druidan coffee. Need to start getting used to it.

VIONNA LEEFLET: Yes sir. How is the team looking?

RG: Ack, dont get me started. Mattan showed up drunk again, Constantine and Houdini aren't even old enough to drink legally, my assistants are addicted to the non-addictive Nedalian marijuana, and Nene picked up a knock this morning.

VL: Always the optimist. Im taking it you read what the Kaze Progressian media wrote about him and your team.

Gamman looks up from his desk with interest. He puts his glasses down and concentrates on Vionna.

RG: No. Enlighten me.

VL: Apparently Nene is a player who isnt important enough to have a name....and the Lions should be playing in the CoH instead of Group C of the World Cup.

RG: I see. One would think that such an amazing goal would win praise instead of criticism. Who are these Kaze Progressa people anyway.

VL: I dunno, sir, but their media likes to run its mouth. Alot.

RG: I hope they have a foot fetish.

VL: I dont understand, sir.

RG: Dont worry Vionna. See if you can get me that Druidan coffee.

Commerce Heights

11-09-2005, 07:26

The Aeropag Tribune—Now offering employee pricing on all publications! Get up to 0% off!

World Cup: 33 nations in first round?
DRUIDA—When the fixtures were announced for World Cup 24 matches to be played in Druida, many people were surprised to find that 17 nations were slated to play in Druida, in addition to the 16 in Krytenia. “We thought it was a bit strange at first,” said CHFF president Lance Lasala. “But it’s their Cup, and we’ll let them organize it however they like.” Others, such as the Commerce Heights national team’s coach Paul Iñaki, were more skeptcal. “I don’t think this is organized at all!” he shouted in a recent press conference. “I mean, look at this! This extra nation only gets to play one game!” The nation, apparently calling itself Bediastn, is both hard to pronounce and has a difficult schedule—a single match against Eauz. The strange schedule also punishes Bedistan, who gets only two games against Vilita and Jeruselem. With the surprise announcement, Tribune analysts have picked Vilita and Eauz to easily earn more points than Bedistan, Bediastn, and Jeruselem. This unusual decision is not the first strange call by Krytenia and Druida, as the Krytenian draw included the akwardly capitalized FMJPhoenix and El Cid The Hero, as well as some place called Five Civilised Nations, of which we can find no record.

Druida

11-09-2005, 18:14

As we've been busy hosting and doing some other thing called IRL, there has been very little Druidan RP for a while. So here's where we were.

Alcoholic President Margaret Smith was replaced by his formerly unnamed helper Andrew Idder. Idder has been successful as president so far, while Smith became a wreck. However, he was picked up by the paramilitary division of the Keep Druida Drunk campaign (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=9421044&postcount=55), which was the last we heard...

President Idder: "Mr. Belmore, who are this Bediastn?"

Trevor Belmore: "Uh... they're... uh... the Bedistani National Dyslexic Team?"

President Idder: "Otherwise known as the loins? Go on, put it right."

Trevor Belmore: "OK."

President Idder: "Now, have you got my tickets for the opening ceremony and our game against TnUI?"

Trevor Belmore: "Certainly do."

President Smith: "Good. Let's go!"

- - -

Meanwhile, in a grotty little bar somewhere near The Hole...

Ed Wilson: "Unbelievable, eh Margaret? Those damn takilans get to give out their brownies, us alcohol lovers aren't even allowed a look in!"

Margaret Smith: "I know. Disgraceful."

Ed Wilson: "But it's OK. You know the plan. And what's more, Drew'll be going to todays game too. Hopefully, we'll be making matchday one something to remember!"

And the scores for those playing in Krytenia are coming into your telegram inboxes... now!

Sarzonia

11-09-2005, 18:50

Stars sharp in Finals debut, 2-0

New Osteria, Krytenia (ASP) -- Despite a long layoff that threatened to take off much of the edge for the Sarzonian national team, the Stars played crisply against longtime nemesis Lovisa, getting goals from the Wilson brothers playing for their father and coach Dave Wilson and winning 2-0 in Sarzonia's game of the World Cup XXV finals.

The Stars (1-0-0) got off to a flying start, by getting a goal from Brian Wilson in the 28th minute after dominating possession against Lovisa. The Stars were so dominant, in fact, that many observers said Lovisa was lucky not to go down three or four goals to nil before the end of the first half.

"We just had to play our brand of football," Dave Wilson said. "We just had to remind everyone to keep up with what their assignments were and keep putting pressure on Lovisa. We were able to keep it up and you saw the result."

For a team that were blemished only by two draws in World Cup qualifying (12-2-0), Sarzonia faced great adversity with a football rivalry against Commerce Heights that threatened to spill over into political tensions before the Sarzonian government accepted a surprising apology from Commerce Heights CEO Matthew Sparks. The team also had to deal with the spectre of war against Pantera and a controversial decision by Dave Wilson to forego his retirement and take the Hypocria coaching position.

The team finally got a chance to focus on football, which was a good thing against a Lovisa side that has surprised people with its abilities in the Finals in spite of lightly-regarded talent. The team got a second half goal from Brian Wilson's younger brother Kevin in the 79th minute that effectively slammed the door on the Lovisans.

"This is strictly pleasure now," Dave Wilson said. "I'm pleased when any of our players score goals and we win football matches, but yeah, it's special when your sons can score for you as a coach."

The Stars reacted with approval when they were informed that they would be making their unofficial home in New Osteria, playing all three group stage games and their second round match if they win the group. The city reminds many Stars players of Portland, where the Portland Iron Works dominates the nation's economy.

"It's very similar to Portland, although there's a little less polution there than here," midfielder Darwin Russell said. "That familiarity is going to be key for us."

Rejistania

11-09-2005, 19:12

Group of known rivals

The Orange-Blues are meeting known rivals in their group in the 24th world cup.
On the first matchday, they are meeting Liverpool England. The Englanders are still dreaming of the time, they won a World Cup, but since the days of World Cup 8, their team slowly declined. Despite that, they are still a veritable opponent and should not be underestimated.
On the second matchday, they are meeting the capitalizt exploiters of Commerce Heights. Hexatux expects a loss or a draw due to shady referee decisions. But the KaMaRi Update of course does not say that the "Commies" bribe (We don't want to be sued).
On the third matchday, the Orange-Blues play against the antikarelan FMJPhoenices. Hexatux expects many goals, hopefully for Rejistania.

Fmjphoenix

12-09-2005, 00:51

Too much rest for Vikings, lost out close to Rejistania

It was a longer break than anticipated until the Vikings played another match, and they showed it on the pitch. Powell Lamar looked especially sluggish, allowing the two goals by Rejistania in the first half before settling into the match. But it was too late and the Vikings lost their second match ever against Rejistania 2-1.

The first half was completly dominated by the Orange-Blues. Linux Raju would eventually score two goals for Rejistania. The first goal came on a blunder by Bobby Bash. After a failed counter by the Orange-Blues, Lamar passed off to Bash, but he was not paying attention. Raju was though, and quickly tapped the ball past Lamar for the first goal of the match in the 28th minute. But the Rejistanian's were not done in the half. Raju again capitalized on another mistake by the Vikings, this time the mistake was on Eli Grimm. After a great save by Lamar, Grimm mistkingly passed back to Lamar, who was not expecting it and slapped it to the side, right where Raju was waiting. This time he hit it hard into the net to emphatically put Rejistania 2-0. The half ended 2-0 and it appeared that the Vikings had no gas in the tank to go on.

But at the start of the second half, Mike Nolan had other ideas. Right off, the Vikings went straight on the attack. And it paid off. Nolan broke through on the left and fired one past Inik Xeaia for a goal to cut the lead back in half. But after the conceeded goal, the Orange-Blues went back and never let the Vikings get a hold of the ball again. The closest the ball came to Fmjphoenix possession was when the ball hopped over the outstretched leg of Terrence McAlister. It was their best chance, but they just couldn't do it, the Rejistanian's were working their Karelan Magic, and it worked. The Karelan squad dominated the match with their defensive ways and won. But the team is not going to dwell on the loss, they instead prepare for their next matchup. There are still two matches to go and anything can happen. The Vikings have that never-say-die attitude, and plan on playing even harder next match.

Krytenia

12-09-2005, 01:42

thsd:NEWS

Record Breaker!

IT may not have been the opening-day victory the partisan crowd were hoping for, however there was a bright spark provided by Phil Neasden's record thirty-second goal for the Aces as they drew two-all with Squornshelous.

It was the Pshychoes who braved the baying six-figure crowd by starting the stronger side, and their pressure paid off on just twelve minutes as Franz Persson (no relation to the Krytenian captain) flicked a long Venegas pass beyond a stricken James Barcali. Despite the chants of "Stu-Pid-HEADS!", Squornshelous remained composed, and almost made it two before the twenty-minute mark as Petr Skritsch had a shot well saved by Barcali.

It was not to last though. The Krytenian side, roused by their fanatic support, starded to make a few breakthroughs, and on twenty-six minutes, the equaliser came. Full-back Stephen Greenow floated a cross to the edge of the box, and though Gabriel Kennedy's athletic volley was parried away, Kevin Keda was there to make the score one-all with a simple tap-in.

Then came the moment. A goal that may not rank as one of Neasden's best, but a good team goal nonetheless. Persson, Caraiani, Kader and Keda were all involved, but it was Kennedy once more who provided the pull back for Neasden to fire home. The time on the clock? 32:32.

However, two points were snatched away from the Aces in the closing moments as Brian Guerrero's hopeful shot was deflected past the keeper by an unfortunate Lyle Lovitz. It's Five Civilized Nations next for Krytenia, and three points should make qualification for the next round a mere formality.

KRYTENIA - 2
Keda 26, Neasden 32

SQUORNSHELOUS - 2
F Persson 12, Guerrero 85

TOURNAMENT SCORERS
K Keda - 1
P Neasden - 1

SCHEDULE
R1: H v SQU D 2-2 (Davis Memorial Stadium, Everton City)
R1: H V FCN (Davis Memorial Stadium, Everton City)
R1: H v SPR (Davis Memorial Stadium, Everton City)

OOC: Druida Zone scores for MD1 in your TG box now!

Bipedal Apes

12-09-2005, 02:00

For Lemnana, field agent of Super Special Secret Fencing for Special Fences division of Ministry of Bipedaleen Defense and Other Fences, Audioslavia was old hat. Oversized, loud, slightly decrepit, but ultimately comfortable old hat. She could have told Prime Matriarch Audioslavia was big; she could have told Prime Matriarch Audioslavia was free. But she didn’t, and she wouldn’t, because being Super Special Secret field agent meant keeping secrets too explosive to be revealed even to Prime Matriarch. That was what Lemnana was taught in Super Special Secret agent school, and like mantra, it was enmeshed in her very being.

Over past eight years Lemnana had visited Audioslavia dozens of times. Early visits were mere fact-finding, getting lay of land and accustoming her to strange funk-metal-based culture. In those days, mentor had been Melnana, greatest and most secret of Bipedaleen field agents, whose powers of disguise and obfuscation would have been legend had they not been super-special secret. Some would have said Melnana could cloud apes’ minds; others would have called her ‘ape of thousand faces.’ Was she who taught Lemnana how to travel Audioslavia without detection, by means both devious and unknown. Was she who taught Lemnana to speak perfect Mißklangslawische and to appear as bedraggled, unkempt human-- as ordinary Audioslavian citizen, in other words.

Over years Lemnana had visited industrial wasteland of Machinegrad; hiked through florid forests of Soundgardia; wandered across rolling moors of Cornellby; negotiated rice paddies of Commerfordshire; weaved between broken-down automobiles under smoggy haze of Badmotorville. Once she had even forded Rio Sonde and wandered vacant streets of long-silent Lemco City. Lemnana had followed Audioslavian footie, and Union, and Professional Competitive Shrieking League; had covered fur with score of different Audioslavian fashions; had made fact-finding boogie tours of dozens of nightclubs; had tasted hundred brews and thousand variations on bangers and mash, and though her herbivorous nature had always been repulsed by bangers, no observer ever suspected as much-- such was her skill in fine art of deception.

Lemnana had been temporarily employed in dozen Audioslavian industries, conducting all manner of corporate espionage; had stood a tour as Red Guard on ‘Slavia Square; had infiltrated officers’ corps in three divisions of military; and had learned intricacies of Audioslavian treasury as apprentice to Master Printer. She knew words to every song by Ratm, and could mosh with best of them. Though untalented wretch compared to Melnana, Lemnana was better able to pass as Audioslavian than were ninety-four percent of actual Audioslavians.

However, this time would be different. This time she was worried.

As banana boat approached shore, lights of Seagarden-on-Ufer bathed starry sky in pinkish light. Standing on deck watching beach grow slowly larger, Lemnana was not alone. Ape-- monkey, she reminded self-- monkey below should, technically, fit right in. Extensive advanced reconstructive surgery had rendered her Audioslavian-looking, more or less. Her facial features altered, bewigged, dressed, it was possible no one would notice her. So long as she did not speak, or go on killing spree.

Was latter that really worried Lemnana. Draconana probably would not speak, or interact with Audioslavian humans any more than she had interacted with Bipedaleen apes; which is to say, basically, not at all. But one could never tell when monopedal monkey might revert to primitivistic ways, rampaging through crowd of innocent victims, laying waste left, right, and center. Preventing this was Lemnana’s primary assignment. Preventing this, and finding de la Rocha.

“We docking,” captain said, interrupting special secret agent’s reveries. Draconana was locked below, at captain’s insistence and with Marshall Baboo’s agreement. “Get her off boat quick, okay?” captain added, rather rudely.

Lemnana nodded. Boat was coming up on long wooden pier with small booth at landward end. She carefully climbed down stairs, ducking beneath bulkhead. With care, she knocked on door. From within came inarticulate grunt.

“We there.”

Another grunt.

“I gonna open door, okay?”

Getting no response made Lemnana distinctly nervous, but was nothing for it but to unlock door and open it. Inside, Draconana was seated lotus-style, her cybernetic legs crossed beneath her, hands palm-up on knees. Look on her disturbingly-human face, however, was far from serene.

“You ready?” Lemnana asked. “Remember assignment?”

“Of course,” said Draconana, in icy voice of thousand-year-extinct species.

“All right, then.” Lemnana tried to sound confident, even unconcerned. “Let’s go.”

Draconana stood and followed. Monkey was dressed in current Audioslavian manner: ripped denim culottes, dingy t-shirt with logo of crappy heavy metal orchestra, wig of long, greasy hair. Lemnana was in similar get-up, though no observant individual would mistake her for human. As it happened, Audioslavians were generally not observant individuals.

Crew had tied up at pier by time Lemnana came above. Only captain was in view, however, and she quickly retreated to other side of deck when Draconana ascended stairs. Lemnana led monkey off boat and down pier toward city. As they approached booth, lone uniformed human stuck head out to scrutinize them.

“Yo,” he said.

“’Sup?” Lemnana replied in perfect Mißklangslawische.

“You have papers?” asked man. Lemnana was one of few apes able to distinguish male humans from females on sight.

Lemnana handed over documents identifying them with nondescript names Smith Johnson and Jonathan Mohammed.

Human male examined papers casually. “Oglethorpian, eh?” He looked ape and monkey up and down. “Yep, Oglethorpian.” Without further comment he handed papers back and waved toward Seagarden. “Welcome to Audioslavia,” he said.

“Thanks, bitch,” said Lemnana politely, and with Draconana at heels, entered country.

Bipedal Apes

12-09-2005, 03:02

Bipedal Times
trans-border newspaper of the RBA

Two-Footers lose in World Cup debut
Cockbill Street wins; big surprise

by Bonga

Trontby, Druida-- When Ms. Throckspartle and squad arrived in Druida last month to begin practices before World Cup finals, was with high hopes and expectations of sampling many many delicious fizzy fermented grain distillations, having learned that Druida is known as Trans-border Home of Beer. Before boarding banana boat in Bananaville harbor, most players spent several days doing nothing but talking about how much they planned to drink and how much fun it would be carousing in woods with inebriated human druids.

Was thus with great disappointment and lack of enthusiasm that all learned on arriving that Druidan nation has embarked on massive, misguided campaign to destroy Brewmentation industry in fit of anti-market pique. Unknown to apes, Druida has joined ranks of brew-hating socialists and no longer supports great drunken inebriation of citizenry throughout all hours of day and night. In fact, legendary selection and quantity of Druidan beers, ales, pilsners, and other brews, has been reduced to handful of brands, sold only in carefully-quotaed quantities, most of which taste like dust mites, anyway.

With nothing to do for entertainment, apes spent day, night, and mealtimes practicing footie. With so many resources expended on perfecting game, one might naturally conclude that team would do well in upcoming match against Cockbill Street national side. However, one arriving at such conclusion would be silly and deluded.

Match began without much play of note, as Peterson kicked off for humans and each side played in conservative mode for twenty-odd minutes. Though Cockbill Street is ranked 20th in world, humans did not underestimate Bipedaleen abilities, being careful not to give 57th-ranked Two-Footers an opening to surprise them. As sides became familiar with one another’s play, however, streeters became more aggressive, and talent of human side began to show. Two-Footers found themselves playing on own side of pitch, with streeters maintaining control of ball and giving few chances. Bipedaleen defense held for a time, with Annabana in particular giving human striker Williams hard time. After saves by Spotrockle on shots by Peterson and by Beacham, young center forward Peterson got another chance and capitalized with nice kick off outside of foot that found net from seven meters. Down one-nil on thirty-seven minutes, Two-Footers necessarily started playing a more attacking game, and though some headway was made toward human goal, no significant shots were taken by half.

Beginning second, apes continued aggressive play, which paid off-- but for Cockbill Street, as Beacham took possession on tackle of Tribuana and broke for Bipedaleen goal with defenders caught too close to midfield. Taking ball solo, human midfielder took shot from twenty meters. Spotrockle managed deflection, right into crowd of charging players-- ape and human alike. Sharp kick by winger Miller netted streeters’ second of night.

Apes found themselves with few options, and few chances. Necessarily playing for goals, mistakes were made, and after yellow card on Proboscobid for tripping Peterson, human center netted free kick, her second goal of match and streeters’ third. Up three-nil at sixty-two minutes, Cockbill Street began playing conservative game, allowing apes to control ball while maintaining effective defensive formation. Two-Footers finally broke goose egg when Gold-telluride tackled Barsoom much too aggressively in youthful mistake. Barsoom’s free kick on yellow card was deflected by keeper Peterson (not same Peterson as striker) right at Gazeboo, who managed to net only Two-Footer goal of match.

Three-one loss about what experts expected, but it not especially encouraging result. With upcoming matches against ninth-ranked Oaker and fourth-ranked Crystilakere, Two-Footers’ chances of salvaging a point in three matches look fairly invisible. If only Druidan beer were in abundance, no one would mind. But as things stand, many sad apes shuffle around Druida these days.

Final score:
Cockbill Street 3 (Peterson 37, 62; Miller 51)
Republic of Bipedal Apes 1 (Barsoom 78)

Yellow cards: Proboscobid (RBA); Gold-telluride (CS)

Audioslavia

12-09-2005, 03:30

lmfao bipedal :D

further ooc: I'm away in Scotland from monday til friday so i won't be around to RP, g'week bitches :)

joyful ic:

http://www.geocities.com/lifeobrien/bull.txt
'Slavia Stun 'Blaydia
Stars Fade as Vilkaous' comes good

Only a fool would have bet on a 3-1 scoreline before the game, only a blithering idiot would have bet on it after the first half-hour, but only a Starblaydian would have written off the 'slaves completely.

Zhorin Tumunzahar's twenty-eighth minute strike had capped off a domination of play in the opening acts of the game. Giovani Lopez had already headed a corner over the bar and striker Florrie Zaragoza had narrowly missed a good opportunity from ten yards before the 'blaydes got their breakthrough. The 'slaves weren't bad by comparison, or even by their own dimished standards, but the men in the white and lilac had simply been twice as fired up and seemed to want the game three times as much.

Ceulemans and Smashnov were being kept busy and the constant pressure, as well as frustration after the Tumunzahar goal, caught up to young Yevgeny Smashnov on thirty-five minutes as he hacked down Zaragoza inside the box, earning himself a yellow card and the 'blaydis a penalty. Zaragoza picked himself up, dusted himself down, and set about putting Starblaydia into a 2-0 lead. Gabe Celta however had other ideas, and a flying save kept Audioslavia's hopes up. The 'slaves managed to at least get themselves more posession during the next ten minutes, but by half-time they should really have been two or three goals adrift.

The second half saw Vilkaous put on his favourite midfielder Kabaofo Alanila in place of Nikki Polsson, and the young Vilitaslavian had an immediate impact. A long ball from Alanila two minutes after half-time found Jan-Arne Hellstrom up front. Surrounded by Gre and Hernandez, Hellstrom controlled the ball and layed it off to Dvorak who, with a almighty whack of his right foot, smashed the ball into the bottom corner with Prokopsis nowhere. It was by no means a deserved goal and maybe a little unfair on the Starblaydians, but it gave the 'slaves a kick-start they much needed.

The 'slavian midfield started getting the upper hand on their 'blaydian counterparts for the first time as the 'slaves started pushing. Alanila was making a nuisance of himself whilst Dvorak and Jeroen started probing down the wings, and before long the 'slaves got themselves a penalty of their own as an increasingly frustrated Starblaydia side commited more and more offenses before McCosstessey was felled on the edge of the area by Leopoldo Lopez. Namesake Giovanni voiced his displeasure at the foul whilst Captain Nunzio Gre argued that the challenge was outside the area (which television cameras seemed to agree with) but neither was able to disuade the referee. Hellstrom stepped up and succeeded where Zaragoza failed to put the 'slaves 2-1 up.

If the 'slavian faithful were counting their lucky stars as Hellstrom wheeled away in celebration, then they were thanking their mother's rabbits-foot farms as Mussorgsky headed an unthinkable third goal past Prokopsis just five minutes later to complete an unlikely quarter-hour destruction of Starblaydia.

The heads of the players in white and lilac went noticebly down for the next few minutes as Audioslavia started a long stint of posession football to the tune of many-a 'wahay' and 'ole!' from the Audioslavians in the crowd, closely followed by a chorus of the popular anti-Starblaydian chants "You're shit, and you look shit in lilac" and the equally un-pithy "Are you Total 'n Utter Insanity Or, More Probably, Total 'n Utter Insanity's Less Famous Puppet Antaeus Rising In Disguise?". The mickey-taking was to be short-lived however as Starblaydia began to take the game back. Zaragoza found himself behind the 'slaves defence on two occasions but both times saw his shot blocked by an on-rushing Gabe Celta whilst on eighty-two minutes Tumunzahar, whos opening goal seemed a lifetime away, put lumps in many an Audioslavian throat by finishing a great move into the bottom corner only to see the linesman's flag raised for a percieved offside which later proved to be non-existent.

Many tactical and desperate substitions later, just as the ninety-minute mark approched, Starblaydia claimed another penalty which was inexplicably disallowed. Young substitute Mercutio skinned Smashnov on the right hand side but was upended by the defender's trailing leg. The world waited for the penalty and the inevitable red card for the centre-half, but it never came, all that happened was the ball rolled harmlessly out of play and Gre earned himself a yellow card thanks to his agressive harrying of the referee.

Mercutio was incredulous at the referee's decision, but the referee, a Mr. Tybalt Capulet, did not want to know and instead stabbed the young striker. A long, drawn out and very boring melee ensued where various stuff happened which was nowhere near exciting as recent games (for example the recent Norway vs Scotland game which saw Scotland captain MacBeth lead his hordes to victory before killing the head of the scottish football association, and a match in Denmark which saw all the players killed and the Danish vice-captain shag his own mother).

The game finished with Starblaydia feeling more than a little hard done by, but it was all the same to the 'slavian faithful who partied in the Druidan pubs and clubs that night without a trace of lilac in sight.

FINAL SCORE:
Audioslavia 3 (Dvorak 47, Hellstrom 57 (pen), Mussorgsky 62)
Starblaydia 1 (Tumunzahar 28)

Bedistan

12-09-2005, 03:56

http://bellsouthpwp.net/h/a/harleyt_1387/bsd_banner.png
football

Lions feel big win in their loins

SORRELLIME, Druida -- Bedistan and Eauz. Certainly two of the most well-known nations in World Cup history, and they've got quite a history together. After all, they co-hosted World Cup 18. And then there was the World Cup 16 final, where Bedistan was once again denied their first ever World Cup trophy by les Bleus d'Eauz. Everyone expected a great matchup.

It quickly became apparent, though, that this edition of the Eauz team was nothing more than a shadow of its former self. Indeed, the press (including us at the BSD) didn't even have access to the players' names, and the communist Eauzian uniforms carried only a number. Bedistan's 4-4-2 ran roughshod over the defensive Bleus for pretty much the entire match. Despite Yeaddin Owls' dismal season in the Stellar Division, Alejandro Vantrease certainly didn't seem discouraged in any way, opening the scoring with a twenty-two yard strike in the fifteenth minute. Eauz showed a brief flash of brilliance in the middle of the first half, and their number 8 actually managed to make a run toward the Bedistan goal before being beautifully dispossessed by the other number 8 - Lions midfielder Tara Stalls. The rest of the first half consisted of the Bedistan offense continuing to put the pressure on Eauz, forcing their number 1 into several tough saves.

The floodgates opened up at the beginning of the first half with a quick brace by Zack Martínez to make the score three-nil, at which point the Lions backed off. Eauz didn't even get a good look at the Bedistan goal in the second half, and the final score would remain 3-0.

"I've said it before, and I'll say it again," manager Mike Davidson noted after the match, "Eauz is a highly overrated team. I'm sorry, but this isn't World Cup 16, and Les Bleus are not the powerhouses they once were."

finalscore
Bedistan 3 (Vantrease 15; Martínez 47, 54)
Eauz 0

Squornshelous

12-09-2005, 04:18

Pschychoes Draw Caleys
Fans struck by slight deja vu

Squornshelous recorded their second draw with Krytenia in as many cups. The two sides have seen a lot of each other recently, meeting in qualifying for World Cup 23, with the first meeting there ending scoreless, and the Pschychoes taking home the second by a score of 2-1. In fact, many of the major players from that match, had good showings again in this one, with Phillip Neasden and Brian Guerrero, who both scored in that second qualifying match, recording goals once more. In fact, strikers did all of the scoring in this match.
The action started twelve minutes in as Franz Persson (no relation to the Krytenian captain Stuart) recieved a long pass up the sideline from Antonio Venegas. He controlled it with a tap and quickly flicked it into the net, leaving Barcali off balance and helpless. The Pschychoes cme very close to pulling further ahead, as Petr Skritsch looked to have scored, but for a diving save by Barcali. For a few moments, this match brought back memories of the Pschychoes glory days, in World Cups 18 and 20, and the old "score early, score often" mantra that lead them to third and fourth place finishes.

It wasn't meant to be however, and the save seemed to add energy to the already fanatical crowd, and the vibe and noise in the stadium fuelled the Krytenians to push back against the Squornshelan defense. In the 26th, the tying marker came. Jorge Fernandina made a decent save on a volley from Gabriel Kennedy, knocking it away to the side, but Tor Jacobs couldn't get to the rebound, and Kevin Keda tapped it in to the deight of the tens of thousands of Krytenians on hand. (I know your stadium seats over 100k, but some of them are on my side).

After that goal, the Squornshelan side became flustered. Maybe it was the uncertainty after their mediocre qualifying run, maybe it was because of the rabid fans screaming for their heads. Whatever the cause, the Pschychoes' passing became sloppy and the missed tackles and committed stupid fouls. After a long series of passes through the Squornshelan end, the ball came to the feet of Phillip Neasden, who before today was the only Krytenian to score against Squornshelous. He had been set up perfectly by his teammates, and fired a shot that Fernandina couldn't hope to touch. The crowd went wild and the Pschychoes hopes got a little dimmer.

It would now take a superhuman effort for the Pschychoes to pull any points at all out of this match. With the crowd in full throat and the Caleys playing possession, it was impossible for Squornshelous to get any good chances before half time. Coming out after the break, the Pschychoes were playing like their old selves again. Unfortunately, the Caleys played like men possessed, defending every attack as if it were the final itsself. The Pschychoes were limited to a few shots from the outside, and several corners, none of which provided good chances. The only good part was that Jorge Fernandina was largely untroubled, with the defense easily handled the few attacks that came through. Finally, with just 5 minutes to play until stoppage time, a shot by Brian Guerrero from the outside that looked to be headed just wide of the net bounced off of Lyle Lovitz, who must be feeling truly terrible at this time. The ball careened from a totally unpredictable angle and slapped intot eh back of the net. The Pschychoes celebrated, and hung on to possession for the rest of the match for one point.

Final Score:
Squornshelous 2-2 Krytenia
F Persson 12, Guerrero 85 Keda 26, Neasden 32

Commerce Heights

12-09-2005, 06:49

The Aeropag Tribune—or Teh Aerpoga Tirbnue, for our Bediastni friends

World Cup: Capitalizts, uninvited guests trampled by raging Terminators
OUSEVALE, NOVA MERCIA—Before last night’s World Cup match between Commerce Heights and Liverpool England, Capitalizts coach Paul Iñaki said to PariMedia reporters, “I’m confident that we’ll beat the Terminators. And if we lose, I’ll even buy your slani newspaper!” After his team was defeated 2–0? “I stand by my earlier statement, and if we had been playing the Terminators, we would have won!” Just before the Capitalizts were ready to kick off their sixteenth World Cup qualifying campaign, another team showed up at the game, calling themselves the Loins of Bediastn. Apparently, these dyslexics missed the plane to Sorrellime, Druida, where they were slated to play Les Bleus de Trébuchement—in a strange turn of events, the Bedistan Lions took their place in that match. The Loins caused trouble early in the game, as the drunk Druidan referee confused the blue-and-white away uniforms of Commerce Heights and Bediastn, and ejected 8 Capitalizts and 3 Loins when he thought Commerce Heights had fielded 22 players. The Capitalizts remaining on the field—Λεμονής Τριανταφυλλίδης, José Albert, and Dennis Fountain—were unable to contribute much to the game, as the Loins did not seem to realize that they were on the same side. Everyone soon realized that Bediastni goalkeeper Mot Ttrap and the Loins’ defending lineup was not up to the task of fighting off the Terminators, as Lawrence O’Reilly scored the 1–0 goal for Liverpool England in the 9th minute. Realizing the futility of playing at forward, the Capitalizts’ front line pulled back in the 15th minute, and José Albert was able to prevent an excellent shot from O’Reilly from giving him a second goal in the 21st. The Capitalizt/Bediastni 6–4–0 lineup slowed the pace of the game, and the score would remain 1–0 by halftime. The Terminators tried to extend their lead with several determined attacks in the second half, but they were not sucessful until Yarn Baltot tripped over himself in the 76th, opening up a shot for Thomas Lunson to give LE a 2–0 lead. The game was a disappointment, even for Terminator fans, but the biggest effect was on the Capitalizts team—eight players will be suspended for the second game of the Cup. “I think our backups can handle the game. I’m not quite sure if we’re facing the Kickin’ Karelans or the Tacklin’ Takilans—better known as the Junis-Omeh’ny and the Vikings—but we’ll do alright.”
Commerce Heights 0
Bediastn 0
Liverpool England 2 (O’Reilly 9, Lunson 76)—FT

Tadjikistan

12-09-2005, 10:59

Tadjikistan 2-1 Hurfordia

Soberity City- Druida Tadjikistans first match on the World Cup was not its easiest, but they got there in the end, and for the fans at home, thats what matters. The Tadjik fans in Druida at the Griffin Park Stadium got a nice match, thrilling match in which the Tadjiks did not dominate.

An early goal by Salenko pushed the confidence of the Tigers up and gave them the impression that it would be an easy win. It was not, the Hurfordians equalized with the left foot of James Holsworthy, who managed to get his shot past Vorozheikin in the 43th minute. The Sadirov brothers didnt know what to say, it was supposed to be the easiest of all three matches and their team was struggling to get the upperhand.

But Bahrom and Rezvon are always calm, and some reorganization within their team brought them back into the game. The Tigars bagged up some good shots but it took them until the 86th minute to launch Pliiev into a move down the right flank, sending an assist to Bayerenov in the centre who kicked it into the box. Hurfordia's goalkeeper Sedley would probably have caught it but got mislead when the shot grazed of the back of a Hurfordian defender.

Thus the Tadjiks survived their first match and took the full three points, it does not however guarantee their qualification for the next round and Bahrom Sadirov knows it: 'I'm hoping we were bad and they were good, Otherwise we are going to have some problems. I've seen a couple things that should improve, We should go deeper, maybe I'll field a deep striker in our next match against Druida, maybe that'll give us that little extra we need. And while we're at it, I should field a Defensive midfielder or replace a midfielder by a defender. We may have won, I dont think i'll be celebrating. Thats ok, this neighbourhood doesnt look to friendly.'

Hurfordia

12-09-2005, 13:05

Brave Conures Just Miss Out in World Cup Debut

Despite a brave performance, Hurfordia narrowly slipped to a 2-1 defeat against Tadjikistan.

Tadjikistan took an early lead through Salenko, and began to play Hurfordia off the park. The Conures hardly managed a shot on target, as Tadjikistan played with them, forcing them to chase shadows. Surprisingly, though, just before half time, Hurfordia scored against the run of play. O'Halloran calmly snatched the ball from Salenko, and played it to Denning. His touch took him past the defence, and gave himspace to lay the ball to the onrushing Holsworthy. Holsworthy struck the ball low and hard with his left foot, and beat the goalkeeper from 18 yards. The Hurfordia fans at the far end went mad, cheering their team who had somehow pulled it out.

The second half saw Hurfordia match their more experienced opponents stroke for stroke, with neither side giving way. Tadjikistan were kept at bay by some excellent defending, and brave shot-stoppng by Sedley. Unfortunately, it was not to be. Four minutes from time, Beyenerov's lofted shot flashed into the box, straight at Johnston, who had no time to move. The ball took a cruel deflection, and bounced away from teh onrushing Sedley. Agonisingly, the ball dropped into the net, and Hurfordia were denied a point.

Manager Conor O'Reilly was disappointed at the result, but refused to take anything away from his men.

"I thought they played brilliantly at time. They did themselves proud. The winner was one of those things, and they shouldn't take that to heart."

Hurfordia's next match is against Total N Utter Insanity.

Jeruselem

12-09-2005, 13:25

Jeruselem Government News

2nd World Cup Group Stage win for Jeruselem, ever!

Jeruselem played Vilita in it's first World Cup group stage game of World Cup XXIV. The Jungle Cats were raging favourites against Jeruselem who have won only one of their group stage games in their many group stage games since World Cup 17. Vilita were expected to beat up on Jeruselem whose U21C19 teams failed to make the 2nd round.

UPSET! We beat Vilita 1-0, yes. Jeruselem taking cue for System Karela decided to be real patient and attack only when Vilita was vulnerable. For most of the game, Jeruselem had to fight off the attacks from Vilita but Jeruselem scored the winning goal on a counter attack when a Vilitan spilled the ball to wrong person.

Jeruselem fans who are used to their team dropping out of the World Cup group stage early after two games were really happy this time - the last game in the group stage played was a win against the Vikings. Jeruselem aren't those absolute losers people think they are. We maybe unstylish or badly inconsistent, but not incapable of wins like these.

Bedistan showed who is boss in it's game - it smashed up Eauz 3-0.

Group D
Jeruselem 1 - Vilita 0
Bedistan 3 - Eauz 0

Rejistania

13-09-2005, 00:12

Rejistania <curse removed> but wins

The Orange-Blues played the ideological opponent FMJphoenix. This team is very attack minded and more takilan than the entire nation of Rejistania together. Va'karela'ny were smuggled into Krytenia but there confiscated by the krytenian police. The team seemed to be less experienced with playing on such a low level of karelization. The defense was partly too shaky and so the terrible thing happened: the Orange-Blues could not defend the 0 any more. Fortunately this did not lead to the loss of the match, since the Vikings had an even worse defense and conceded twice.

The first half looked very good for the Orange-Blues: they were able to dominate an inferior Takilan side, which were forced not to attack be early interferences of the Lasane. In the 28th minute, Raju'he proved why hew was chosen as a starter instead of Sejil'he: Linux Raju beautifully capitalized a defensive error of the Vikings to make the score 1:0. Later in the same half, the low level of va'karela'ny caused another attack by the Orange-Blues and fortunately, Raju'he again capitalized, this time from a messup of Lamar'he. If the second half would have been karelan, it would be perfect, but the spirit of takil, like a fierce snake hissed in the match. The Vikings tried a desperate attack right at the beginning of the second half and unfortunately, the unthinkable happened... the score now was 2:1 due to Nolan'he's evil work. The Orange-Blues defended for the rest of the half but the damage was done. 2:1 was the final score.
Coach Hexatux replied by a string of incoherent numbers, we quote here unchanged since Siki Rej refused to translate: "01001101 01000101 01010010 00100111 01010011 01001100 01000001 01001110 01001001 00100000 01010011 01000101 01001100 01001101 01000101 00100001"

Druida

13-09-2005, 12:44

The Daily Druid

BOMB ATTACK AT THE HOLE
By Bill Posters

Druida's opening World Cup 24 match, a 2-1 defeat at the hands of Total n Utter Insanity at The Hole, was scarred by the horrific scenes before the match took place.

As President Idder arrived in plenty time to see the opening ceremony for the tournament, which took place in the stadium before the match, an explosion was heard nearby. Though it wasn't clear immediately what had happened, it soon became quite clear from the smell and the behaviour of those who had been nearby. It was an alcobomb.

Though it is thought that the bomb was intended for Idder, nothing has yet been confirmed, as those who perpetrated the attack have not yat admitted to it. However, even if it wasn't intended for the president, it was still used at an event that would guarentee global coverage of the campaign.

Overall, it seems that around sixty people have officially been contaminated by the attack, though many are thought not to have come forward as yet, as they've disappeared into nearby bars and have not yet emerged.

The attack was obviously playing on the players minds, as the team's only goal came from Adrian Belmore in injury time at the end of the match, after the Insanicians already had the game in the bag. But when there's people's soberity at risk, we most remember that sometimes, the sport must take a back seat.

Still, it means that the rainbows will have to beat Tadjikistan to have any chance of going through, and not failing at home like they did last time.

Krytenia matchday two is being scorinated now...

Sarzonia

13-09-2005, 18:22

Stars clinch knockouts berth again, 1:0

New Osteria, Krytenia (ASP) -- For the fourth consecutive World Cup, the Sarzonian national football team will be playing among the last 16 footballing nations. Facing EL CID THE HERO for the first time, the Stars played like a team that expected to win against a legendary side and they came through, getting a 73rd minute goal from Kevin Wilson en route to a 1:0 triumph.

The Stars (2-0-0 in Group E) are awaiting the result of the Caprine States-Lovisa match to find out if they've clinched the group title and a fourth straight match here in New Osteria. If either Lovisa or Caprine States win the match, the Stars would need a draw to go through as the group champions. If the match ends in a draw, they can't be caught for the group title.

"We played a fine match but we were unfortunate on a lot of our chances," Coach Dave Wilson said. "EL CID THE HERO are a tough side, but we have a little bit of toughness in us too."

The Stars dominated possession against EL CID THE HERO, holding the ball for 52 minutes to 38. The Stars also put much more heat on the opponent's goal, firing 22 shots to 13 and nine shots on goal to EL CID THE HERO's three. Goalkeeper Horace Sandt only had one difficult save, a sprawling stop after a ball caromed off the backside of defender Mike Coyle. But Sandt was a constant presence throughout the match, taking command in the box and frustrating EL CID THE HERO's strikers.

"Sandt is one of the best goalkeepers in the world, bar none," Coyle said. "There's a reason an attack-oriented football team has allowed one goal in 16 matches thus far, and that reason is Horace Sandt."

The Stars face qualifying group mates Caprine States in the final match of the World Cup finals group stage. Without knowing the stakes of the match, Dave Wilson said he would play his usual starting 11 against Caprine States.

"We're going to be playing with a sense of urgency regardless of the outcome of [Lovisa:Caprine States]," midfielder and team captain Darwin Russell said. "I don't think Coach believes in turning off and turning on intensity."

Nor does this team. The Stars have earned the world's number one ranking not by being the flashiest side, but by working well together and playing as a whole greater than the sum of its parts. The team is a reflection of a coach who is some parts jovial father figure and intense drill sergeant, but the team's work ethic sets a standard few can match.

"We want to send Dad to Hypocria with a second World Cup trophy," Kevin Wilson said. "I've never played against [a team coached by Dave Wilson], so that should be fun."

For his part, Dave Wilson said he wants to savor every moment of his remaining time with the Stars until he takes on the Hyppos job.

"This is a special team and has been for a long time," he said. "I'm going to miss the lads, but right now, we're still playing and we want to keep playing until this Cup is done."

EL CID THE HERO

13-09-2005, 20:32

Time: 12:12PM
location: on more unknown plains of existence

S.Sam and Kirby are in an unknown part of the multi-verse surrounded by millions of billions of pieces of toast.

SS: ok. Lets go back and think about what happened. First we flipped the toast. Then it landed butter side up. Then a blue portal surrounded the toast, sucked us in, and we ended up in this… place.

K: in hindsight trying to brake Murphy’s law was probably not the best idea Doomhammer’s ever had. Flipping the toast must have collapsed the temporal plain we were standing on. Sending us into this teleporter room. And now we have no Internet access. Now I have no idea what to do. Were stuffed aren’t we?

SS: err…not for certain. Let’s just explore the rooms a bit. We may find something.

(20 mins of searching later)

SS: ok. I have found two eggs, 1 parsnip 6 footballs and a slice of a pork pie. What did you find?

K: I found a man in a black cape and white beard.

Unknown man: I was wondering when you show up Sid. You’re right on time.

SS: two important questions. Firstly, how do you know my name? And secondly, how did Kirby find you when he can’t move?

K: he was a few feet away from were you were standing. How could you not see him?

Um: and I know your name because we’ve already met. I am…a friend.

SS: I don’t have any friends.

Um: that is because we haven’t met yet. Rest assured we…

K: hold on a min…I’m not your friend? I thought we had something special. I spent years

Um: Kirby. Still as annoying as ever I see. Were was I? Ah yes rest assured we will get to know each other very well. you helped me. Therefore I will help you.

SS: but we’ve only just met how have I…

K: I stay with him throughout the burnt toast episode, Help you brake Murphy’s law, get Doomhammer to concentrate on the football. And I’m still not your friend? You utter bast …

Um and SS: SHUT UP KIRBY!!!!!

K: …fine, but you owe me some flowers mister.

Um: anyway. Next time you see Doomhammer say to him “the bull strikes low” this wills allow the process to begin.

SS: “the bull strikes low”. Ok. Kirby put that into your memory.

K: already done. Pal

SS: For the love of all that is good. I do like you, but you are dead, and I didn’t like you when you were alive, ergo you are not my friend.

K: just because I’m dead. That your game is it. Discrimination?

SS: do you know any way to…

(The man is gone. Only a note remains)

SS: “choose right.” What the hell does that mean?

K: I don’t have a clue but we have to get out of here. I sagest flipping the toast

SS: but we could end up in the middle of nowhere or at the centre of the sun.

K: we distorted Murphy’s law remembered. If we have planed it at all it has to work.

SS: ok. Toast is flipping.

(The toast lands butter side up and S.Sam and Kirby find themselves in the men’s room of the ECFA)

SS: well this is good. I really have to go

K: Great. Now we need to get to Krytenia

SS: let book it then. I have to give Doomhammer that message.

Fmjphoenix

14-09-2005, 16:26

Vikings shut down Commerce Heights, a win away from the next round

If the Vikings make it to the next round, they can thank their star forward, Mike Nolan for the lift. Nolan scoed yet again and were given a brilliant effort by Powell Lamar as the Vikings defeated Commerce Heights 1-0, making the next and final match of the round against Liverpool England extremly importnant.

The first half was all about defense, for a change. Commerce Heights were trying to break through, but the Vikings were not letting them come in with any good shots at all. Only once did they hit the box and attack with a threat, but Powell Lamar was the king for the day. He had 8 saves, deflecting and catching everything that went his way. The first half ended 0 all, nothing even close to a goal had come out at all. But in the second half, the only action happened. It happened so quickly, the crowd wanted replays on the titantron tv. To summerize, Commerce Heights fails to make a penelty kick, Lamar throws past midfield. Ball recovered by Larry Brown. Cross to Nolan. Scissors kick. Goal. All under a minute. With that, the match was set. Commerce Heights could not get close at all afterwards. Coach Was pulled his team into a 4-4-2 after the score, to try and keep the lead. And it worked. All that is left for the Vikings to advance is one win. Liverpool England sits in their way. With Rejistania defeating Liverpool England, they are qualified no matter what. With Commerce Heighs losing at the hands of Fmjphoenix, they are eliminated no matter what. A draw will give Liverpool England the pass to the Round of 16, as they will win on goal difference. So no matter what, the Vikings have to win to progress. Look for an all out match, Fmjphoenix wants the win and thats exactly what they will play for.

Commerce Heights

14-09-2005, 16:46

The Aeropag Tribune—If attack means defeat, and the Capitalizts aren’t attacking…

World Cup: Capitalizts knocked out!
OUSEVALE, NOVA MERCIA—For the first time in Commerce Heights’ long World Cup history, the Capitalizts were eliminated from second-round contention yesterday after just two rounds of play, losing 1–0 to the Fmjphoenix Vikings. The team’s elimination was not the only strange thing about the match—apparently, of all 32 teams playing World Cup matches yesterday (Bediastn had a bye), only Commerce Heights and Sarzonia had a significant number of fans, or any reporters. Used to playing in front of over 170 000 at CDA National Stadium, the Capitalizts were clearly uncomfortable from the start due to the unusually quiet atmosphere created by less than 5 000. This, combined with the slow pace of the game, allowed the Vikings to strike while many Capitalizts were losing concentration, including a spectacular kick by goalkeeper Powell Lamar that went across the field for a goal. The Capitalizts tried to equalize, but it was clear that their minds were wandering, and no goals were scored for the rest of the match. “It was our team’s fault, we didn’t prepare well for that game,” said coach Paul Iñaki after the match. “But if you want to play the blame game, you can point some fingers at Krytenia and Druida. The Cup matches, normally sold out, were almost empty! I guess they aren’t such good hosts as us and Fmjphoenix…”
Commerce Heights 0
Fmjphoenix 1 (Lamar 31)—FT

Business: CHEAT seeks “Holy Grail of Mathematics”
AEROPAG, AJI—The CHEAT Alliance, Commerce Heights’ largest construction corporation, has announced that its mathematicians are working on a problem crucial to CHEAT’s stadium projects—a problem which has not been solved in the fifty years since its proposal. The so-called “Spaam Problem,” originally proposed by an architect working for the oddly-named Progressan firm Steel as Decoration, usually goes something like this:
A stadium is to be built around a 105×85 m field. Every seat is 0.5×0.5×2.5 m, and the point on the front face of the seat, 0.25 m from the sides and 2 m from the front, has a clear view of the entire field, but must not be more than 190 m from any point on the field. Given these constraints, what is the largest possible capacity for this stadium?
The problem was originally proposed to find out if stadia in Spaam experience a strange phenomenon known as “godmodding.” Many people would be content with simply going to Spaam and running some tests at their stadia, but the Spaamanian government’s “Inactive Nation Policy” makes this impossible. “I wouldn’t expect us to solve this overnight,” said CHEAT’s CEO Javier Noffsinger. “But if we do find an answer, it’ll help a lot of people. Many are skeptical of the applications of this problem, primarily because of the strange design required to maximize the capacity of the stadium. Some extremists have countered this criticism, saying “the point is to help the people who make up the capacity—they don’t know what is possible, and they don’t care about strange transportation requirements!” They have also linked this problem with an unusual phenomenon known as “OOC.”

Hurfordia

14-09-2005, 17:08

Somewhere in Druida, Conor O'Reilly's mobile telephone rings.

Cast: Conor O'Reilly, Manager. Nicholas Beer, FA Chairman

O'Reilly: Yeah?

Beer: Conor? Nicholas Beer here!

O'Reilly: Oh, right. You don't usually call me unless there's a problem.

Beer: Well, this time it's a bit different. Have you heard that Peter won't be coming back to manage the team?

O'Reilly: Non. What happened?

Beer: His doctor told him to take a year off, so he won't be coming back for a while. And between you and me, he told me he had a very nice offer to manage Callington when he comes back.

O'Reilly: Right. So who do you want as a replacement?

Beer: At the moment, Conor, the FA is quite keen on giving you the job. We've been quite impressed with the last couple of games. You were unlucky against Tadjikistan, and you matched Total N Utter Insanity. They didn't deserve the late goals, and as far as I can see, the referee blew it when he disallowed Stimpson's goal. That was never offside.

O'Reilly: Well, I'm quite proud of the boys. But I seem to remember you saying something about me not getting the job if we didn't qualify?

Beer: Well, in all honesty Conor, I think I was probably drunk at the time.

O'Reilly: Oh.

Beer: Yes. Well, we know you can't get past the group stage now, so we may as well start looking towards World Cup 25. And that starts with the managers job. How about it?

O'Reilly: Well, I'm honoured obviously...

Beer: Oh, and just one thing. We've given some thought to an assistant for you. We've already spoken to Henri.

O'Reilly: Henri Dauphin? The boring bastard you stuck me with at the last Player of the Season Awards?

Beer: That's him. Done a good job at Fleet Town this year.

O'Reilly: Hang on. He's not going to leave a big club to be an assistant surely? I smell a rat. I'm not going to be used to train him up to replace me am I?

Beer: Erm, no. He's very keen to move. Obviously he might want the job eventually, but...

O'Reilly: You bastards! You've already lined him up to replace me!

Beer: Hang on Conor...

O'Reilly: No. I won't hang on. I'm going to hang up. I'll get us through the next match, and we'll talk then. Probably through my lawyers.

Tadjikistan

14-09-2005, 18:41

Close to next round!

Soberity City -Druida- For several weeks now, experts in and around Tadjikistan have discussed the chances of Tadjikistan. Few of them could predict success for the Tigers and they were all amazed by what happened today. The Tigers actually managed to beat the hometeam, Druida in an enviroment that didn not favour them.
Griffin Park was for seventy-five percent filled with Druidan fans, most of them just wanted to see their team but some were old fans who remembered Tadjikistan from previous encounters. And they may have been the only ones who could foresee what happened here.

The Tadjiks, who were already predicted a loss, had nothing to lose. They pushed all the stress away from them and lined up smiling for ninety minutes of footballtraining. That stress must have had its effect on the Druida Rainbows, lost their first game, they had to take three points here or their World Cup adventure could be a short one. Maybe they needed some alcohol to forget the bad situation their team is in.

Tadjiks played in a 4-3-3 system for once, with Rahmon Zytsev replacing Lavr Kornilov, more defense, but by the the end of the first half the Tadjiks had made only one shot at the Druidan goal while the Rainbows themselves made three shots but they were easily stopped by the Tadjik defenders, so Aini stayed in the locker rooms while Szarmach joined the team for his third appearance as international.

Extra offensive power meant that the Tadjiks could go berserk, leading to a good shot over the van der Hesselvenatchov who pushed it over his box. Then the inevitable happened, the Druidans opened the score when they recuperated from the cornershot that followed. For the thousands of Druidans it must have been a relief to see their team take the lead.

And for a whole while they saw things going well, the Tadjiks pushed forward from time to time but they didnt make any moves that were worth mentioning until two minutes before the end of the match. Michael Pliiev dragged the ball past Trevor Fish and Huw Richards in a daring move, then faced the Druidan goalkeeper. pliiev passed over to Salenko who had followed him and drove the shot into the Druidan box as hard as he could.

Fueled with some extra energy the Tigers now sought for a second goal, with only a couple minutes left they hurried to mount another attack on the Druidan goal, but everything was shut on all sides. Then Tanai moved up, through an opening while Bayerenov sent him the ball, but he didnt get far as he got tackled by Trevor Peev. whether he intended to hit Tanai or just missed remains unsure. But we are certain of this; Bayerenov scored through the penalty that was given.

Bahrom Sadirov didnt say much, as usual but he did make one remark:'We'll go home as some Audioslavians want, but not until we've shown the world that we can do more than just show up for nothing.'
And with that recorded, Salenko was given the opportunity to comment his teams position :'We've been a bit lucky, some off the teams that we met failed to finish off their moves while we got two excellent coaches for the price of one. I think we can make it into the next round now, and who knows, with some luck we might even pass through the 1/16th finals, depends on the side we meet there but its possible.'

Jeruselem

14-09-2005, 19:05

Jeruselem Government News

World Cup finals, here we come!

Now, in the World Cup Jeruselem have won two group games. One in 23, now one in 24 ... surely we're going to mess it all up and lose the next two games? Not this time, boys and girls, ladies and gentlemen - WE COULD IN THE FINAL 16

Yes, we played Eauz and WON. Yes, we knocked out Eauz after beating Vilita 1-0. There were scenes only matched when Jeruselem won the U21C3 after the unexpected win over Eauz. People all over Jeruselem celebrated as Jeruselem's 2nd win put them within touching distance of a finals berth of the World Cup 23.

Since World Cup 11, this has never happened before. We've always come 3rd or 4th in the group stage since World Cup 17, now with two wins - we should make it. History in the making - this team is the best ever.

Jeruselem 2 Eauz 1

Squornshelous

14-09-2005, 19:50

Pschychoes within a win of Advancing

Squornshelous defeats Spruitland, will face FCN to clinch second round berth
The Squornshelan National Team has added three more points to their total in this World Cup 24 Group Stage, and, depending on the result of the match between Krytenia and Five Civilized Nations, may be in first place in their Group. Now the Pschychoes will face off against Five Civilized Nations intheir final match of the group stage. If they win, they will have clinched a spot in the second round. A draw will also clinch a spot, as long as Krytenia has not been defeated by FCN in their match.

The Pschychoes match was a very tense and hard fought one, with the final score standing at 1-0 to Squornshelous. The lone goal was put in by Franz Persson, who, after some inconsistent play in qualifying, has peformed very well in the group stage, scoring a goal in the first match against hosts Krytenia. After a scoreless first half, the Pschychos came out shooting, and after bombarding keeper Simon Briers for ten minutes, Persson caught him out of position following a free kick that was blocked by the wall, and tapped the ball in for what was probably the easiest goal of his international career. There were several good chances following that, but good saves by Brier and Darius Lepard kept the scorline from changing.

Final Score:
Squornshelous 1-0 Spruitland
Persson 56

Rejistania

14-09-2005, 22:01

The KaMaRi Update

1:0 against the Englanders

The Rejistanian Orange-Blues defeated the Liverpool England Terminators with a karelan 1:0 scoreline. Again Linux Raju was starting for the Orange-Blues as lone striker, but there were a number of personal changes and position shifts in the defense. The Hexatux ordered Iles Ila to play instead of Vejin Jara in a central position, like he normally does for his club. Linkosa Myk missed and Nita~eda Ynu top defender Nika~o H~saldu replaced him. Kansu I Kansu was substituted in the 65th minute by Kiira Isilyi, the defender from Kalisimu Salan, who also works for the city government.

The match started defensively from both sides. The Englanders somehow tried to attack, but the Rejistanians intervened quickly and so the Englanders had no real chance. Occasionally, the Orange-Blues countered, but they were not as effective as in other matches. In the 30th minute, a long pass from striker Fandi Ahmad was only barely cleared by Visnu Kanavan. The best chance for the Orange-Blues was a free kick of midfielder Seneteramanasiri "SeKa" Kalamanaserexesesikehidimerevenu, but the shot was too high so Lionel Lewis had to get the ball from the top of the net. The first half ended 0:0.

Also the second half was enjoyably defensive by the Orange-Blues while the Terminators tried more and more to attack. This gave the Lasane excellent counter-opportunities. Defender Verise Lati used a counter in the 69th minute to score the only goal in the match. After that, the Orange-Blues defended like under a spell so 1:0 was the final score.

Bipedal Apes

15-09-2005, 04:50

Bipedal Times
Trans-border newspaper of the RBA

Okra SNAFU ends in tears, fetal position
But Two-Footers still in with chance

by Ingbaba

Parkville, Druida-- When Ms. Throckspartle & Co. arrived in the sumptuous Druidan town of Parkville last week, the main thing on everyone’s lips was okra. Not literally, but in the figurative sense, for everyone was saying it. The context was the upcoming footie match, second of the World Cup finals, to be played-- so everyone thought-- against large simiothromorphic pods of the stuff. Like a throwback to the great old days when Giant Zucchinis and Evisceratomatoes ran rampant across the playing fields, it was understood by all that the Two-Footers’ opponents hailed from the nation of Okra (though Barsoom, and possibly Tribuana, insisted that the opposition came from Oprah, a nation of wealthy down-to-earth talk-show hosts).

Sensing a coming debacle in which her players ran away in screaming fear at matchtime, Ms. Throckspartle wisely began intensive psychological conditioning to prepare the squad for the horror that the Okra were sure to evoke. She did this through a clever contraption involving lots of regular-sized okra and a set of inordinately large magnifying lenses set into the practice field. As the Two-Footers ran through their drills, they were regularly confronted with gargantuan okra pursuing and interfering with them.

The strategy seemed inspired, but unfortunately, it resulted in some unexpected and detrimental side-effects. After several days of “okraditioning,” as Throckspartle called it, several of the players began to wig out, becoming afraid to touch or eat their vegetables, which for an herbivorous squad used to a primarily green diet, is problematic.

Worse, the entire defensive line elected to retreat into fetal balls and whimper piteously for nearly forty-eight hours straight. This came after Ms. Throckspartle devised a mobile “okramagnificator” which allowed her to simulate the effect of being charged by a two-meter pointy-headed green monster. Terrified by the assaultive seedpod, the defenders froze in their tracks and began screaming. Realizing she had gone too far, Throckspartle attempted to demonstrate that her players had nothing to fear, by quickly devouring the offending okra. Unfortunately, the twenty-five-times magnified image of Throckspartle’s flashing canines coming at them did the poor players in, resulting in the aforementioned fetal clutch.

Perhaps the worst element of the whole escapade was the fact that this happened only two days before the match. Those two days were to be filled with endless rounds of headsmacks, shoutings, and attempts to coax the defenders from their pre-infantile retreat using prybars. In the end it was hunger that brought them to, or to be more precise, thirst. As matchtime approached, the Druidan brewmentation authorities donated to the squad a gigabyte of delicious homebrews that had been manufactured by concerned human citizens who had read the newspaper reports of despondent beerless footie-playing apes. The odor of the lovely homebrews was enough to lure the traumatized defenders back to civilization, and with an hour to go before the game, a fine time was had by all.

Then, of course, the players had to take to the pitch. To say that they did so with trepidation would be to give the word ‘trepidation’ far more than its due. The squad exited the changing room via an ingenious system of ropes that Ms. Throckspartle had devised, in which each ape was tied up and forcibly dragged onto the field. Thus cowering, restrained, and generally crying, the apes got their first look at the opposing players.

It was with some shock and consternation that they realized said players were human. No ape was more crestfallen than Throckspartle, though possibly no ape was more delighted, either. Leaving her bound charges to adjust to the new reality, the coach crossed the field to have a chat with her opposite number. It was thus that she learned of the linguistic misunderstanding: the side the Two-Footers were about to face hailed from “Oaker,” a little-known top-ten side in world footie. The “Okies,” as the team is known, are more or less completely human, though possibly partly Canadian.

Throckspartle untied her players and a fine match of footie followed. The Okies controlled the opening kickoff, and played aggressively from the get-go. Having studied the Two-Footers’ atrocious match against Cockbill Street last month, Okie coach Oak Oakerson deployed four strikers and three midfielders, pressing hard against a Two-Footer defense that he perceived as a weakness. Center forwards Pauline Oakenfold and Flannery Oakonner put the pressure on the recently de-fetalizied Proboscobid, while Barkdiggle did her best to assist her long-nosed teammate. Whether due to their long time spent ex-utero or simply because of the Okies’ talent, the Two-Footers found themselves severely challenged, with Spotrockle saving shots by Oakenfold, Lara Oakley, and Glug C’Oak in quick succession. Unfortunately, she was not able to wrap the ball up, achieving only deflections, and the action stayed close to the Bipedaleen goal.

Frustrated, Proboscobid made a bad move against Oakonner and at twenty minutes received a card-- her second in two matches, and a sending-off. Throckspartle compensated by pulling Flohmoon from her position at left mid, and inserting Drumpopple-- marking the first appearance of a player from Dirk’s Veldt Strip-Mining side in World Cup play. Though untested in trans-border action, Drumpopple’s excellent coverage is well-known to followers of the RBA premiere league, and she rose to the occasion.

Not, however, until after Oakonner took her free kick. It was a bit wide, but as so often happens, created a perfect opportunity. The ball bounced off the left upright and with Spotrockle diving and the defenders massed to one side, a recovery by C’Oak and cross-goal pass to Oakley resulted in a header right into an wide-open net.

The relentless attack was taking its toll on the Oaker strikers, and with a one-nil lead Oakerson decided to let her squad play a more defensive match for a time. The Bipedaleen strikers had a lot of trouble making real headway, though, and the half ran down with things looking like they might go as so many matches against top-ten sides have in the past: with the Two-Footers failing to score.

Throckspartle and assistant coach Blimptoople worked feverishly to come up with an effective strategy during the break, and when the apes returned to the field it was with an unusual 4-1-4 formation. The defenders included starters Annabana and Hooboy, flanking Drumpopple and Hummytoad. Only Trinandurnan was left in midfield, and Barsoom, Tribuana, and Gazeboo were joined by Angstohm on the front line.

The daring male kicked off to Barsoom, and the apes went on the attack. With Trinandurnan playing a very forward position, the Two-Footers effectively had five strikers on the pitch, and the added effort soon showed a weakness in the Okies’ defensive line. In the first half, Ian Oakillian and Ronda Oakwiser had effectively shut down Tribuana. But with Angstohm lending support, he suddenly found himself free to outmaneuver Oakwiser. His talents were clearly in evidence as at fifty-seven minutes he took a pass from Trinandurnan and neatly sidestepped his defender, faking Oakwiser to the left and passing her cleanly on the right. A strong shot past keeper Stella Oakeeper and the Two-Footers were on the board.

The shallow midfield would be a problem throughout the half, however. After kicking off, Oakonner and her teammates resumed their control and pressure game, this time facing the fourth defender, but finding themselves virtually unchallenged any time they retreated from the box. The striker-heavy Two-Footer squad was forced into an unfamiliar role harassing the Okie offense, and they did not do it especially well. The Okie midfielders-- Rene Oakhansen, Oak Soon Park, and Mel Oakleby-- ran interference, giving their strikers ample room to keep control of the ball and try to create opportunities.

The game proceeded somewhat deadlocked, with the Okies maintaining control but the Two-Footers holding their own, until in the seventy-fifth minute Oakley, on a tackle of Hooboy (the defender having just stolen the ball from C’Oak), knocked it into the box, behind the defensive line but a good ten meters from Spotrockle’s position. Oakenfold, the nearest player, sprinted to the ball and whalloped it into the goal before Hummytoad could intercept.

Now two-one in the late going, the game proceeded about as to be expected. C’Oak was pulled for another defender, the young Joan Acorn. Barsoom kicked off and the apes threw everything they had into equalizing. With the Okies thinking primarily defense, the player disadvantage may have meant less for the Two-Footers, though every time a human managed to cross the center line with the ball, the absence of a midfield became apparent.

After several changes of possession and a few weak-willed shots by each side, the apes got a lucky opportunity on eighty-five minutes. After Park intercepted a Barsoom pass and sent a long kick toward the Bipedaleen end of the field, most of the players started jogging in that direction. But as the ball came down, Drumpopple hit it squarely off her knee, sending it right back on an equal and opposite trajectory. Seeing the deflection, Angstohm charged the spot where the ball was headed, beating the defender and possibly becoming offside in the process. However, the official did not indicate any foul, and the reserve striker proved her worth by driving the ball home to even the score.

After that, Throckspartle called for an entirely defensive formation, and the Two-Footers settled happily for the draw against the ninth-ranked side in the world. This is only the second time the RBA has played a top-ten side without losing; and earning a point in the group table, it keeps them alive in the effort to advance to the second round of the Cup.

Whether this is remotely possible remains to be seen. The Two-Footers’ next match come against the fourth-ranked side in the world, the humans of Crystilakere, after Bedistan probably the best team they have ever faced. The only factor in the apes’ favor will be recent history: Crystilakere have lost two straight matches, falling to Cockbill Street and Oaker, and seem to have lost their form. Having already been eliminated from qualifying for the second round, the team may play a lackluster match. Or, they may bring their best game in hopes of securing some pride before returning home. Even if the apes were to win, they would need both an Oaker loss and an change of goal differential to rise to the second spot in the group. A long shot, indeed.

Final score:
Oaker 2 (Oakonner 20, Oakenfold 75)
Republic of Bipedal Apes 2 (Tribuana 57, Angstohm 85)

OOC- no more scores being telegrammed, then? Or was I just missed?

Spruitland

15-09-2005, 06:51

http://i5.photobucket.com/albums/y197/Spruitland/sportsgazette.jpg

No “E” yet

Five Civilized Nations – Spruitland: 1 – 2
Squornshelous – Spruitland: 1 – 0

Finally, World Cup news, somewhat belatedly, due to a string of communication problems – it seems the Spruitland communication network was struck with a fairly stubborn virus which kept rebooting the system into “don’t give a damn”-mode. Problems are far from over, but the Cough Syrup™ AntiVirus program is in process of restoring the network to its nominal state, and has managed to secure a temporary line to Krytenia, where the Spruitland Wabbits have been playing in their first World Cup finals as if nothing out of the ordinary was going on.

And as it turned out, no news has been fairly good news. In their opening match, Spruitland managed to upset Five Civilized Nations, who had had an impressive qualifying run. The Wabbits won by the narrowest margin, with goals from Dirk Jools and central defender Nico Van Dyck, and thereby briefly took the lead in Group H.

Not for long, however, as a tight 1-0 loss against Squornshelous settled the group into a more logical order again. But with one matchday to go, against co-hosts and home team Krytenia, there’s still a chance to move on to the second round. Only a win can make certain of that though.

“A draw and a fair dose of luck could be enough too,” coach Cor Bensen says, “but we’re not gonna count on that. In fact, we’re not gonna count on anything, we’re just gonna play our best and see what happens. There’s no pressure on us, we’re just happy to have gotten this far. All the pressure will be on Krytenia, with a tough home crowd demanding a spot in the next round. Who knows, maybe we’ll be able to take advantage of that.”

Turori

15-09-2005, 08:37

http://www.dirt-racing.com/3wide/sites/vilita/vn/tn/tieot.gif

Karela! Karela! Karela!(But actually not...)

*Cheering in Background*
That's allright!, Thats okay! You're gonn...

I'm Riababo Lianta reporting live from Mellion Lane in Davisham, Northern Lands, Krytenia where the Turori Eels have just come from behind to record a remarkable victory over the Svecia Lightning

...mme a T! Gimme a U! Gimme a..."

It's the first victory of the finals for Turori who posted the best record in the qualifying stage, but got stuck up on an old rival, One Red Dot in the first match.

...at's that spell? TURORI~!!!!...

Things were not looking good for the Eels after the first match and the draw with One Red Dot, their early prowess and defensive muster being cancelled out by a lapse in play in the final fifteen minutes, negating the fantastic first half free kick by Cockbill Street based Christian Briyjao.

...tick out your butt, shake it a bit! The other team played lik...

And it only got worse as they returned here to Mellion Lane tonight to face the Svecia Lightning who out-gunned Vilita in qualifying.

...were number one! like a steak you're well done!...

Svecia opened up to a 2-0 half time lead and looked like the dominant side all match long until Milaou Slietah made the changes his squad needed to square up to the Lightning opposition, and the counter attacks required to capitalize and get back into the match.

...we are the eels! we're better than banana peels!...

Jutar Renaso's introduction to the match was critical as he netted a brace before Martiia Vluka capped off the match in style with a magical effort to put the Eels in front 3-2 where the match would end, putting the team with the best record in qualifying back in the hunt for the second round.

GK :: Ebbow Dakin ( 24 ) : Liguon Valley (VIL)
xD :: Maratima Tareak ( 28 ) : South Coast United (BED)
xD :: Loala Saenu ( 28 ) : Turoki Isle (VIL) Melmond
xD :: Jiateo Kansu-Ramzi ( 27 ) : Sen-La-Sa~o Relekhati (REJ) Rejistania
xD :: Emory Artice ( 25 ) : Turoki Isle (VIL) South Osettian
xD :: Chandresh Adebola ( 28 ) : Marine Coast United (VIL)
xM :: Brad Edwards ( 21 ) : Inland Peaks (VIL)
xM :: Christian Briyjao ( 26 ) : Roegrow Athletic (CST) Cockbill Street
xM :: Martiia Vluka ( 28 ) : Jervis FC (BED)
MF :: Martiia Rawaii ( 29 ) : Jhanna City (STR)
xF :: Lennie Lavine ( 20 ) : Inland Peaks (VIL)

GK :: Moia liaboi ( 29 ) : Traal Atheltic (SQU)
xD :: Niauo Yidiea ( 22 ) : Sto'kh'darakha Roh'nidh'ba (CST)
DM :: Julio Matengo ( 29 ) : Fmjphoenix Flame (FMJ) Vilitan
xD :: Raoibn Olioab ( 29 ) : KF Santaginus (SQU)
xM :: Duane Northam ( 31 ) : Arcticala Inlet (VIL)
xM :: Raso Morre ( 29 ) : San Diego Iguanas (BED)
xF :: Jutar Ranaso ( 30 ) : Montepool Waves (NBR)

Liverpool England

15-09-2005, 11:24

"We're LIVE from Nova Mercia, where the game between Liverpool England and the defending world champions Rejistania has just ended 1-0 in the Karelans' favour. With me, Mike Brown, to talk through the highlights of the match is Liverpool England ex-manager Ha~e Hangila.

As most of you know, Ha~e was manager from World Cup 14 through 16, and is Rejistanian. In fact, he's widely credited for introducing the Rejistanian language into Liverpool England. We'll talk about that and much more after come commercials, but full time from Nova Mercia, it's Rejistania 1, Liverpool England 0."

>During the break in the studio

MB: "Nice to see you again Ha~e, it's been a long time."
HH: "Yes, it has. What've you been up to?"
MB: "As you can see, I'm now hosting Football ExtraTime for Sports Liverpool England (SLE), and just after we parted ways at FALE I quit and flew to Bedistan, where I worked behind the scenes for SLE's Bedistani bureau. You?"
HH: "At first the Rejis FA called me back, but nothing really came of it, until you guys at SLE asked me to join your Rejis branch."

>LIVE in five, four, three...

"Welcome back! You're watching Football ExtraTime with me, Mike Brown. We're LIVE from our Krytenian bureau in Nova Mercia, where, just sixteen miles east-south-east of here, Liverpool England have just lost to Rejistania 1-0. With me to talk the match over, former Rejistanian international and former Liverpool England manager, Ha~e Hangila, who coached the Philosophers back in WC14 after Oglethorpian Guy Picciotto retired, and the Terminators from WC15 to 16 until his removal from the post.

He's been working with us here at SLE at our Rejistanian bureau in Sike Kali since his retirement from football, and this is probably the last time he covers a Rejistania-Liverpool England match, as our good friend here is stepping down this year to pursue retirement."

"Good evening all."

"Well, Ha~e, all in all an entertaining match, despite it being relatively Karelan. Lewis looked good in goal for the Terminators?"

"I'm surprised that Doug [Freech, the Liverpool England and Lopinka Rovers manager] did not play something more attacking. He decided to play conservatively, and it cost them."

"Let's take a look at the game's only goal, then, Lati scoring on 70 minutes."

"Verise's an excellent defender, and a good counter-attacker to. He showed it right there."

"Well, Ha~e, Rejistania have qualified. Liverpool England face Fmjphoenix knowing they need at least a draw."

"Mike, going in thinking of drawing is the worse thing you can do. They should go all-out for the win."

Druida

15-09-2005, 12:31

The Daily Druid

FURTHER ATTACKS LEAVE DRUIDA REELING
By Bill Posters

Another World Cup finals defeat at The Hole for Druida, this time against Tadjikistan, has seen the rainbows eliminated from the first round now in both of the cups they have hosted. So much for home advantage!

We could reel out the same old excuses, like it always takes Druida ten games or so to get into the swing of things, but then, at the moment, playing in Druida has no advantage for the rainbows. Indeed, the growing hostility between sober and drunk seems to be taking a bit of a stranglehold.

The Druidan government have advised any reformed alcoholics planning on travelling to games in Druida due to the recent speight of attacks surroundiong World Cup 24. Of course, to the majority of travelling fans who have come to watch their countries represented in Druida are completely safe - they'll just get a little tipsy - but it is anyone with the faulty Druidan gene that makes a significant proportion of our nation alcoholics who is at risk.

Which could explain why Trevor Peev made such a terrible challenge on Tanai to concede the penalty that led to the tigers scoring and the rainbows crashing out of a cup many expected them to win. Though it wasn't picked up by the DruidSport TV cameras, a number of supporters in the ground claim that a water bomb filled with water-flavoured beer was thrown onto the pitch in Peev's direction while everyone was focusing on a rainbows corner at the other end. Whatever the reason, it didn't look like the Trevor Peev we've become used to, the one that was so reliable in getting Druida to the last World Cup final.

The attack on Peev seems to be the latest attempt by the Keep Druida Drunk paramilitaries, who have been threatening to sabotage the Druidan hosted World Cup from the moment the success of the bid was announced. However, it emerged today that the campaign now has a high profile spokesman in Druida's former President Margaret Smith. Whether or not Smith's previous incompetencies will work for or against the campaign remains to be seen, but one thing is for sure - it will polarise what is becoming a divided nation even further.

Currently, support for the Alcoholists is mainly located in the North East of the country, thought they are also popular in New Europa and Zobordi. Elsewhere, the problem seems to be under more control, and soberity is pulling through. Even reasonable drinking levels are returning to some areas of western Druida, and it is thought that Chemindus have been doing something to help, though what we're not yet sure.

Meanwhile, confusion has ensued around the Druidan's co-hosts Krytenia, after it was first revealed that they wouldn't let the Republic of Bipedal Apes know the result of their match until all the scores had been released to the international public. At this point, it also emerged that Druida's 2-1 defeat to Tadjikistan had, in fact, finished 1-0 to the tigers. Whether or not we had an ultra-karelan referee at the game who started the game at -1 all remains to be seen, but both Tadjik and Druidan reporters at the game seem to have watched a game where Druida scored, only for Tadjikistan to score two in return. But anyway...

Final score:
Druida 0 [Belmore 50]
Tadjikistan 1 [Salenko 88, Bayerenov (pen) 90]

OOC: Kry, you TGed us both the score as 2-1, but posted it as 1-0. Just thought I'd point this out.

Krytenia

15-09-2005, 22:46

OOC: It appears another apology is in order.

Druidan and Tadjikistan DID receive the incorrect score via TG. The correct score was 1-0.

RBA, yes you were missed, and therefore I now deserve head-ouchies.

thsd:NEWS

Dodgy Neas

PHILLIP Neasden may well be out for the rest of the World Cup after jarring his knee during the Aces' two-one victory over Five Civilized Nations. The ECR striker, who has scored thirty-two goals for his country, is currently holed up with a kneecap the size of a small melon after landing awkwardly in a challenge six minutes into the game.

Krytenia did well enough without him, scoring through Lyle Lovitz and Gabriel Kennedy to cancel out a nineteenth-minute opener from Cinquo. Ray Lausano is likely to replace the injured Neasden for the crucial final qualifier against Spruitland.

KRYTENIA - 2
Lovitz 52, Kennedy 70

FIVE CIVILIZED NATIONS -1
Cinquo 19

Commerce Heights

16-09-2005, 00:52

The Aeropag Tribune—Han’il, Karela!

World Cup: Capitalizts stun Rejistania, snap Cup-long streak
BROMHAM, NOVA MERCIA—The Commerce Heights Capitalizts went into Bromham knowing that this final game in the World Cup 24 first round wouldn’t make a difference. The Junis-Omeh’ny had qualified for the second round, the Capitalizts were out. The real action was back in Ousevale, where the Liverpool England Terminators and Fmjphoenix Vikings were battling for second place. But strangely, Paul Iñaki continued to act as if his team had something to play for. Was it the chance at breaking a 22-game non-losing streak, the second-longest in World Cup history? Or was it that the Capitalizts had never beaten Rejistania?
Whatever his motivation was, the Capitalizts were determined to win when they walked into Mercia Stadium, preparing to play in front of a crowd of unlimited size—apparently, Krytenian stadia dynamically resize themselves to fit anyone that wants to come. Rejistania lined up in their usual Takilan 6–3–1, while the Capitalizts opted for a more Karelan strategy, using a 3–3–4. The match started out normally enough, with the Junis-Omeh’ny putting up a seemingly-impenetrable defense against repeated Capitalizt advances. Junis-Omeh midfielder Seneteramanasiri Kalamanaserexesesikehidimerevenu, a player who was clearly not named with practicality in mind, attacked the Capitalizt defense and scored a goal for Rejistania in the 17th minute, but it was disallowed by Milicent Lira, the referee from Insane Inflation, as he ruled it offside. A Capitalizt counter-attack by Σιημητράς Φάνης would be the only goal of the game, giving Commerce Heights a lead over Rejistania for the first time in the teams’ history. For the rest of the game, Rejistania continued attacking repeatedly, like a group of kids high on Takilan brownies, but the referee disallowed all of their four goals for various reasons (leading to ridiculous accusations like Capitalizt bribery), leaving the score 1–0.
Although the win changed nothing, it did end Rejistania’s 22-game non-losing streak, giving them their first loss since the World Cup 23 first round, in which they were beaten 1–0 by Fmjphoenix. It is also only the second time in Commerce Heights soccer history that the national team has beaten a defending champion, the last being a 1–0 win over Liverpool England in World Cup 9 qualifying.
Commerce Heights 1 (Φάνης 28)
[2] Rejistania 0—FT

Oglethorpia

16-09-2005, 04:30

The Bureaucratic Tribune
Presented to you in beautifully generic typeface since 1603

Oglethorpia fulfills pessimistic predictions losing all three matches

KRYTENIA (BT) -- Abroad in Krytenia in group F, Oglethorpia and its Ostriches were pleased enough to have simply qualified for World Cup 24; and it showed throughout the squad's entire first round preformance, failing to win or draw even one match. "It's like they burnt themselves out just qualifying and had nothing left for the Cup proper," commented one fan.

In typical fashion Joe Staplin referred to his earlier proclamation of baby steps -- "we'll start actually playing good in the Cup later on. But not right now, that's asking way too much. I told y'all so."

But far more important than the debate over the Ostriches' preformance post-qualifying or the validity of the "Baby Steps" hypothesis is the name of the squad itself -- the Ostriches -- now said to be a thing of the past, the Oglethorpian national side breaking the streak of non-qualifications. "Well clearly it's time to do away with the name," started Torrence Black, pausing long enough so that his name may appear in the middle of his quote, "because we've qualified and we're no longer farting around and playing horrible football."

Opponents of the proposed denaming of the squad cite Black's comments as the exact reason not to revoke the Ostriches-moniker. "Once you say, 'we'll we've broken through, we're a good national squad now,' you doom yourself to playing shit football for the next Cup or two. Karma, man, karma," said one citizen.

The two viewpoints come to a head when the bicameral Oglethorpian legislature composed of the House of Homosapiens and the House of Human Beings vote on the issue. Stay tuned, or something to that effect, only about a newspaper.

Sarzonia

16-09-2005, 04:59

Stars grab a piece of history

New Osteria, Krytenia (ASP) -- Even in the team's World Cup XXII championship campaign, the Sarzonian national football team had never won all three group stage matches during the World Cup finals. The best previous showing for the team was two wins and a draw.

There's a first time for everything.

Sarzonia wrapped up its best-ever showing in a World Cup group stage by defeating Caprine States for the third time in World Cup XXIV play, 2:0. The team will face the second place team from Group D here in New Osteria.

"That's going to be key," Coach Dave Wilson said. "We've been able to stay in one place, one hotel, one practice facility, and one ground. The team we face will have what's in effect an away match."

However, the Stars (15-2-0) won't be taking their next opponents lightly. The team has been watching film of their likely Group D opponents, "from Matchday One up 'till now," midfielder and team captain Darwin Russell said. The team will face either Jeruselem or Bedistan, both 2-0-0 in Group D. Wilson said the team didn't care which side it faced in the second round, saying that it would prepare hard no matter who they faced.

"We're going to have to face the best shot of whichever team we face," he said.

However, one player who spoke on condition of anonymity said he thought "it'd be a crying shame," if the team faced Bedistan in the second round.

"That's one of the great footballing rivalries of recent times," he said of the Sarzonia-Bedistan matches in the last two World Cups and AOCAF tournaments. The two sides also met in the Ts'kinvali Cup, playing to a 1-1 draw. "It'd be almost criminal if we faced them in the second round."

The team has also faced Jeruselem previously, playing in the same World Cup XVI qualifying group and earning two draws. They lost to Jeruselem in Cup of Harmony IX, and the Stars could be gunning to earn revenge against a Jeruselem side that have advanced to the second round for the first time in their history. But for right now, Sarzonia just wants to focus on winning the next match -- regardless of who their opponent is.

"No matter who we're up against, we've got a job to do," forward Brian Wilson said. "That's never going to change as long as I put on a Sarzonia kit."

Sarzonia

16-09-2005, 05:32

Rear Admiral Barbara Tucker (ISN-Ret.) was nervously watching SNN for the latest report on the peace negotiations between Sarzonia and Pantera that could potentially end the war between the two countries. Speculation was rampant since the government was extremely tight-lipped about the talks. The only thing anyone knew was that talks were ongoing in Toke, Pantera.

With her company focusing on producing warships for the Incorporated Sarzonian Navy as quickly as they could, the idea of securing a sponsorship deal for a sports tournament was the last thing on Tucker's mind when her phone rang.

"Barbara Tucker," she said as she picked up the phone.

"Hi Barbie, it's Jamie."

"Oh hi Jamie," Tucker said. Commodore Jamie Wilson (ISN-Ret.) was the deputy managing director of the company and he was usually the one in the meetings with the marketing department. Not that marketing was ever a problem for the company. PIW's revenue often accounted for nearly 20 percent of the nation's gross domestic product and its ship designs plied the seas for many countries. "How are the kids?"

"They're good. They keep asking about you. Listen, I've got a great marketing idea. Maybe it's something we should look into."

"Let's hear it," she said. Even though the company was in good stead financially, able to ride out the prohibition against foreign sales during the Sarz-Panteran war, she still was interested in anything that might get the company more customers.

"As you know, the World Cup is going on now and Sarzonia are doing very well."

"That's not a surprise."

"Right. Well, different companies have been putting up adverts for various things like matchday scores and the like. If we can put our name out there, that might generate some attention for us."

"Remember we've had to tell several export customers no sales," Tucker said. "How would you feel if people came to you to buy a product after you started a marketing programme and you said, 'sorry, we're closed,'?"

"Barbie, if Sarzo comes back and the House ratifies this treaty, we need to hit the ground running. We need to be ready to get back into the market, at least stick our toes in it."

"I don't know Jamie," she said. "I have some sources that tell me that we might just downshift to DEFCON 2 from DEFCON 1. If that's the case, I doubt the ISG will be too keen on our selling a bunch of stuff when they'll probably want us ready to keep up the wartime production."

"I think we still need to be proactive," Wilson said. "Like we've been all these years we've been in business."

Tucker nodded for a moment. The company went from an uncertain mom and pop store with four designs based on outdated World War II ships to a company that was so prosperous it acquired the Wilmington Shipyard Corporation -- the company Wilson ran before the acquisition -- and it was behind the Incorporated Ordnance Company's purchase of Pomentane Ballistics. PIW didn't do that by waiting for its chances. They seized the day.

"I guess it's time to try carpe diem one more time," she said finally. "Go ahead and give it a go."

Wilson walked over to the computer and typed out a message.

To: Marketing and Sponsorship coordinators
World Cup XXIV organisers (Krytenia and Druida)
From: Commodore Jamie Wilson (ISN-Ret.)
Deputy Managing Director, Portland Iron Works
Subject: Sponsorship proposal

Greetings. I represent the Portland Iron Works, a naval shipyards company that is among the world leaders in warship sales. We would be interested in possibly exploring a sponsorship deal whereby we provide funds to support the reporting of matchday scores for the opportunity to get our name out there.

If you are interested, please notify me via this address and we can work out the details. [OOC: TG me if you have any questions or whatever.]

We hope to work with you very soon.

Tadjikistan

16-09-2005, 09:04

Its Fair.

Neodzki - Druida- As both teams already suceeded in obtaining a ticket for the next round, they played more of a friendly match. The only reason the Tigers tried a little bit harder than usual with a friendly match could be traced back to the qualifications, where TnUI defeated the Tigers with 3-0. None of the Tadjik players and fans had forgotten that ordeal, all wanted a sportsmanlike revenge.

But a rather boring match ended with a 1-1 draw, where the Insanicans dominated most of the first half and part of the second, while the Tigers took over in the latter part of the second to equalize and save the team from yet another defeat at the hands of these guys.

'It didnt really matter, I'm already happy with one point now.' Bahrom Sadirov said as he left the Montisch Stadion, 'a draw sets our total against TnUI at 1-1-1, I can live with that knowing that they're stronger than us and I dont think our fans will hate us for not winning here. I found it more important to play calmly, without taking to many risks, it isnt worth it. Not at this stage, I'll need all my players alive and well for the next round, in which we'll meet Krytenia or Squornshelous, both teams that can give us alot of trouble.'

And while the coaches await news from group H they pack their stuff and get ready to move to Krytenia, where they'll play the next game. None of the players was really mad about it, they all wanted to get out of this place. The different languages and drunks didnt quite impress the Tigers, one of the most typifying stories was probably that of Oleg Salenko 'I went to a shop and looked around. Then I saw a nice gift for my mothers birthday. But I wanted to know more about it so I asked the shopkeeper for more info. Now you have to know, I brought a dictionary but what that man spoke wasnt Druidan, it was some sort of dialect. Usually I can decipher those, but I believe the man was drunk. I could understand a word of what he said. Good thing we go to Krytenia now, maybe I can buy a gift there.'

Audioslavia

16-09-2005, 09:11

http://www.geocities.com/lifeobrien/bull.txt
'Slaves beat Nedalia

Vilkaous' Audioslavia side carried on where they left off against Starblaydia with a comfortable 3-0 win over Nedalia on a day which saw the 'slaves break their eight-year duck of first-round exits, and which also saw Vilkaous' home nation Vilita book their early flights home.

The destruction of Nedalia was a swift one, Hellstrom and Dvorak added to their goals in the opening match by getting one a-piece in the first twenty minutes - Hellstrom with a far-post header from an Alanila cross, Dvorak with a cool finish after a one-on-one with Derrel Lynch. Lynch was unlucky with goal number three just before the interval. The Nedalian goalkeeper of the year's superb reaction save from a close-range Hellstrom thunderbolt was deflected onto the knee of Joshua Vastu and ended up lying in the corner of the net.

The 3-0 half-time scoreline was a little flattering to Audioslavia who, after the opening blitz, had began to squander posession all too readily and had to ride their luck to avoid conceding against the dangerous Nedalians. Tim James came close with a diving header from the far post before Nedalia's best chance of the half fell to midfielder Innit Point who put a good chance past the post after a slick, incisive passing move. Audioslavia's first attack for twenty minutes brought the deflected goal and effectively put the game out of Nedalia's reach.

Nevertheless, the Lions pressed hard in the second half and were unlucky with two opportunities, the first from another James header, the second from a Constantine long-range effort, both of which well saved by Gabe Celta.

The Nedalia pressure would soon wane however amidst the Druidan heat and the disheartening ticking down of the clock, and the 'slaves found that holding on to the 3-0 scoreline got easier as the match went on.

FINAL SCORE
Audioslavia 3
Nedalia 0

Starblaydia

16-09-2005, 13:54

It was, as per usual, a lavish and expensive party thrown by the Lord-Protector. Admittedly the turnout was marginally lower thanks to Starlbaydia having only taken a single point from the two Group games so far, but tonight should be fine. A victory over Nedalia and the appropriate loss by the Nova Britannicus side would see Starblaydia through to the next round.

The centerpiece of this little get-together was, for once, not the enormous super-high-definition-cinema-surround-ecetera system to watch the match from. This time the main focus of attention was the AOCAF Trophy, fresh from being lifted by Dimitri Steliopolous in Fmjpheonix, tough suitably polished of fingerprints and the lip-prints of jubilant players kissing the cup.

Most of the record-equalling AOCAF squad were there, the oppurtunities for photo-ops between the Lord-Protector and his victorious players just too good to miss. Several photos of Tiberius chatting to players - Cherry Garcia, in particular - would be in the papers the following morning. For this special occasion, however, two screens were provided - one to show the Starblaydia/Nedalia match where Starblaydia required three points, and another to show the Nova Britannicus/Audioslavia match.

Tiberius, of course, had the remote controls. His country, his TV, after all.

"'ello, dis is Sveb Bmottssonmsom, unfordunatley wib a colb, combendatinge on de Noba-Bwitannicus and Audioslabia matdtz..."

The bunged-up Motsonsson was quickly muted and the vague pre-match commentary on the Starblaydia match turned up. Lord Tiberius, however, was more interested in talking to his Minister for Sport and AOCAF-winning Manager.

"Rikaard," Tiberius said, "any news on Mercutio?" The 20 year-old had been stabbed by the referee, of all people, after coming on as a substitute in the Audioslavia match.

"His present condition lends not well to the playing of football, alas, the poor boy, he played so well, Tiberius."

"What?" The Lord-Protector was somewhat confused.

"Um," Lord Van Honjiik de-laborated, "can't play, is in hospital. Will get better soon though."

"Riiiight," Lord Tiberius said, moving closer to his Minister in a hopefully not-too-conspiratorially fashion, despite that being exactly what it was, "is everything arranged?"

"The Bluebirds will lose," Rikaard said in a low voice, "it is guaranteed. All appropriate bribes, threats, promises and deals have been made."

"And what of the Salisbury matter?"

"It was me or him," the Minister was suddenly on the defensive, "they warned me, he was getting too close to the answer."

"And what is the answer?"

"I don't bloody know!" Rikaard's harsh whisper was beginning to strain, "he was the one trying to find it out, not me. We impounded his computer equipment but there was a problem."

That was the last thing the Lord-Protector wanted: problems. He took a deep breath, silence from him usually meaning someone was in trouble. Eventually he found the words.

"Go on."

"Someone else was there before us," Rikaard said, "someone else probably knows."

"Another government?"

"We just don't know."

"I suggest," Tiberius said, flatly and with hidden malice, "that you go find out, my Lord. I also suggest thanking your lucky stars that your team won the AOCAF, with or without your much-maligned Managerial influence, because that is currently your only leg to stand on. Is that clear?"

"Yes, my Lord."

Jeruselem

16-09-2005, 14:34

Jeruselem Government News

Lions and Crusaders go into final 16 for WC 24, Jungle Cats out!

OK, if someone told you Vilita would not make the Finals along with Bedistan from the World Cup XXIV Group D - you'd tell them their dreaming. While Eauz and Jeruselem are good teams, Vilita and Bedistan were better right?

OK, if we told you Jeruselem and Bedistan were undefeated in Group D - you'd just laugh. Well, don't. It's all true. Jeruselem and Bedistan won their first two games and drew 1 ALL to leave the Lions #1 and Jeruselem #2. The others including Vilita are out.

For the first time in Jeruselem's World Cup history, this is the first time this has ever happened where Jeruselem has made the final 16 in any World Cup let alone go undefeated in Group stage. Now, those critics just go home and shut down for once.

If we don't make the last 8, it does not matter. This team had done the once impossible and our ranking will rise! The much maligned U21C18 team who were knocked out in the 2nd round, see how good they really are now.

Nova Britannicus

16-09-2005, 16:52

It was all going to plan, so far. Starblaydia were beating Nedalia in their match, while Nova Britannicus' valient Bluebirds were currently losing one-nil to the men in nauseating kits from Audioslavia.

For Charlie Worsley, of the Nova Britanncus Football Association, things were going just perfectly, though with his nation in a position to not-qualify from the Group Stage of the World Cup, you might have thought otherwise.

He was standing up in a corporate box, somewhere high above the pitch in a Druidan stadium - he never could remember the names of these things - champagne glass in hand. This way he would have his nation's football team go down fighting to the last in their last tournament, and soon he'd be 'promoted' to the Starblaydi FA as the NBFA would retreat into the purely-amateur and for-fun sections of competition. He - and a lot of other Britannicans - would soon be under the employment of one of the greatest Sports Ministy's in the world. Just a pity that awful Van Honjiik chap ran it.

He'd even done the maths himself, Starblaydia and Nova Britannicus would be level on Points and Goal Difference if it stayed like this, but the Bluebirds had a superior goal difference. That would need to change, and soon. Charlie quickly pulled out his mobile phone and dialled Jean-Paul Georges-Ringeaux's number.

Down on the Bluebird bench, the Manager's private phone began to ring.

"Yes?" Jean-Paul said, knowing who it would be.

"Starblaydia are only two-one up," Charlie said, "let them score a penalty."

"Gotcha." JP was a Starblaydi, after all.

As JP got up to give out his order to the team, something unexpected happened. Yevgeny Smashnov hacked down the Bluebirds' midfielder Valentin Scarsdale in the Audioslavian box. Penalty to Nova Britannicus.

Now, for anyone who's ever played 'Chinese Whispers' or an equivalent non-Oriental-themed message transfer game, the following sequence will be understandable.

Jean-Paul Georges-Ringeaux calls over Britannican Winger Eric Waterman, telling him to.

"Let them score a penalty."

Waterman then trots over to the Audioslavian penalty area and says.

"Gaffer says we've got let Hen score a penalty."

'Hen', of course, is the team nickname for Henry Maitland, the Bluebird Captain and number Seven. Why would the Gaffer want Audioslavia to score, after all? So, as is unsurprising for Nova Britannicus' best player, Henry Maitland scored his penalty kick past Gabriel Celta and the whole team ran off to celebrate, now they knew they were progressing to the Second Round of the World Cup for the second time ever. Only once before had the Bluebirds gone to the second round, at that was in World Cup 19 - their first Finals - where they had already played Starblaydia before losing on penalties in the Second Round to Audioslavia, of all places.

"Oh. Shit." Said Charlie. And you didn't need to be good at non-Oriental-Specific Whispers to hear that properly.

Starblaydia

16-09-2005, 17:28

"Oh shit."

The room suddenly fell silent. Unless Audioslavia scored against Nova Britannicus in the next few minutes, Starblaydia were out. Nobles and commoners alike sat in near-silence. Those with belief in a deity prayed to them, while the atheists and agnostics amongst the room could merely hope.

Lord Rikaard Van Honjiik stared at the screen as if his life would end if he took his eyes away from it. That wasn't too far from the truth. There were two people in the room, however, staring at the Minister for Sport. Lord-Protector Tiberius Starblayde was one of them. He was deciding what to do with his failed-Minister now that the plan was about to fail.

The other person staring at Lord Rikaard Van Honjiik was Roberto Di Bradini. Robb knew that Van Honjiik was related to the death of his friend Ceri Salisbury in some way. If looks could kill, Rikaard would have died a thousand deaths by now.

"...and there goes the final whistle, and Starblaydia are out of the World Cup at the first hurdle - denied by neighbours Nova Britannicus, who go through in their place. A Two-One win against Nedalia just wasn't a helpful-enough result after the loss to Audioslavia and the draw with Britannicus. Sixth-in-the-world Starblaydia are out at the Group Stage for the fourth time in eight attempts, and one can only imagine what the fallout from here will be..."

"Indeed, Rikaard," Tiberius said to his Minister as he stepped out of the room, "one can only imagine."

Sarzonia

16-09-2005, 17:40

The shockwaves from the early exit of two of Atlantian Oceania's footballing superpowers sent shockwaves that were felt all the way in The Ledge, a Rypien sports bar where Stars supporters were watching the Starblaydia-Nedalia match and the bar's owner was eyeing the Audioslavia-Nova Brittanicus fixture.

"Oh fuck," one bar patron known to the throng only as Russ said out loud as Starblaydia earned the three points for a result against Nedalia. A history including once and current Nedalia Under 21 national team coach serving as the last field boss in Sarzonia's Under 21 national team history rendered Nedalia as one of Sarzonia's second favourite sides, so the loss by the Lions didn't sit well with Russ or the rest of The Ledgeies, as they liked to call themselves.

"Oh look," Rob Geneiro, a uni student at Rypien City College exclaimed. "Starblaydia are out! And so is Vilita!"

"They're out," Russ asked with a look of shock sliding onto a face weathered by years of hard labour and worn by blistering hot Pacitalian summers.

"Yeah," Geneiro said. "Starblaydia and Vilita are sent packing. Sarzonia have their first-ever nine point groups stage."

All of a sudden, the disappointment of seeing Nedalia lose didn't quite have the same sting for the Sarzonians. "Get the house a round on me," Russ exclaimed. Never mind that he'd already plunked down $400 Sarzonian on a rapidly growing bar tab. Seeing both Starblaydia and now-hated Vilita sent home made the extra money that buying drinks for all 40 Ledgies milling about worth every penny.

Squornshelous

16-09-2005, 18:22

Pschychoes Moving On

Squornshelous advances to the Round of 16 for the 14th time
The Pschychoes brought it to their final match of the group stage against Five Civilized Nations, coming away with a 2-1 victory and a spot in the Second Round against the first place finisher of Group D, the Bedistan Lions. In Group H, Squornshelous and Krytenia have both gone undefeated, and had a 2-2 draw, but Krytenia will take the group on a higher goal differential. That leaves them to tackle the second place team from Group A, which could be TnUI or Tadjikistan. Squornshelous' goals were scored by Franz Persson, who has been on fire recently, and Petr Skritsch. The match was really a one sided affair, and although FCN did give the Pschychoes a scare early, scoring the first goal 11 minutes in, Squornshelous toughened up and outplayed them for the rest of the time. After his early lapse, Squornshelan keeper Oliver Daniels played excellently, making a couple of good saves the few times FCN managed to break through the defense.

At 25 minutes, Squornshelous equalized, with a perfectly timed strike from Petr Skritsch. As is his style, he waited behind the play, and when Brian Guerrero became cornered by two defenders, he turned and passed back to Skritsch. Skritsch met the ball with prescision, sending it curling ot the other side of the net, past the keeper, who had been slightly out of position, cheating towards Guerrero. This goal re-energized the team, and soon after, Franz Persson put in what would be the winner. Guerrero was again bringing the ball down the field, and he drew two defenders to him, leaving Persson one on one. He quickly passed and ran off in the other direction, brining one of the defenders with him, while the other scrambled to catch up. Persson recieved the pass, and made a quick crossover move that got him past the last defender. Now alone witht he keeper, Persson dribbled in close and when he rushed out to take the ball, Franz chipped him, sending it just out of reach over his head and just under the crossbar.

Final Score:
Squornshelous 2-1 Five Civilized Nations

Turori

16-09-2005, 18:30

http://www.dirt-racing.com/3wide/sites/vilita/vn/tn/tieot.gif

PUPPET WAR!!!!!

------------------------As if it wasn't enough to clash twice in the group stage, the Turori Eels and the Nova Britannicus Navy Blues will once again be squaring off, this time in Krytenia for the bragging rights of the best colonized entity that still manges to whip the butt of their colonial rulers. Well after a 2-0 victory over Oglethorpia, Head coach Milauo Slietah had seen enough. The karelan shield of magic was not being used enough for his liking! It was time to bring out all the stops. It was t ime to chop up the Karelan Shield of magic and distribute it to each member of his squad. Slietah sat his players in a room, and demonstrated the new devious tactics for the upcoming match against their number one rivals other than One Red Dot.

Invisibility Cloaks

------------------------The Turorian FA have installed invisibility materials on the kits that will allow players to dissapear entirely from site. Notice how one Turorian has strategically de-pants his opponent while sneaking by him to score a goal.

http://www.dirt-racing.com/3wide/sites/nswc/rp/wc24/2r/1.gif

Big Ass Lights

------------------------The Turorian FA have purchased a crap load of helicopters that will insert some big ass lights after half time and cause the Britannicans to go blind and play like bats without radar. Notice how the Turorian's are safe with their high quality sun glasses.

http://www.dirt-racing.com/3wide/sites/nswc/rp/wc24/2r/2.gif

Studded Boots

------------------------The Turorian FA have installed long metal studs at the end of each players boot which can be activated via a wireless button inside the wasteband of each players shorts. Notice how the Turorian instantly goes for the chest of the Britannian and brings him down

http://www.dirt-racing.com/3wide/sites/nswc/rp/wc24/2r/3.gif

------------------------Slietah has also warned that undoubtedly his regional foes will anticipate an epic battle and will have a few tricks up their sleeves as well, however the former Turorian hattrick hero is confident that his team will be up to the task. The Eels have already proven themselves against Nova Britannicus by dominating Colony Cup II and topping the Britannians to take the championship in that sub competition during World Cup Qualifying, where Turori finished with 13 wins and one loss. The Loss, to Pedriana, is the only one the current crop of Eels have suffered, in addition to a draw against rivals One Red Dot, Turori is now back on track on a two match winning streak and with the added support of these new tactical measures, look to be favorites to advance once again to the Quarter Finals.

Squornshelous

16-09-2005, 21:11

Bracket Released

Interesting Quarterfinal Potential
WIth the release of the official Bracket for the Druidan Region of the knockout rounds of World Cup 24, The situation for Squornshelous looks like this:

Total n Utter Insanity -| In Druida
|------------|
Lovisa -----------------| |
|------------|
Winner B ---------------| | |
|------------| |
One Red Dot ------------| |
|------------|
Audioslavia ------------| | |
|------------| | |
Liverpool England ------| | | |
|------------| |
Bedistan ---------------| | |
|------------| |
Squornshelous ----------|

We would like to draw your attention in particular to the lower half of this bracket, where, assuming that Squornshelous defeats Bedistan, and Audioslavia defeats Liverpool England, there could be yet another 'Slaves vs. Pschychoes matchup. If both sides pull through, this would be the sixth World Cup meeting for our two teams. Unfortunately looking back at the records, Audioslavia would have the edge in such a match. Squornshelous and Audioslavia have met in 3 Qualifying matches, one quarterfinal and one semifinal. The qualifyers resulted in a draw and two big wins by Squornshelous. The other two matches both ended with the 'Slaves scoring 5 and winning. However, we certainly can't afford to overlook Bedistan. The World Cup 21 Champions are a dangerous force in this cup, and the Pschychoes will have to fight hard not to be eliminated here and now. But we'll be keepeing and eye on the Audioslavia v Liverpool England match.

Just in case.

Krytenia

17-09-2005, 02:36

thsd:NEWS

Wabbits Caught In Headwights

GABRIEL Kennedy was the hero as Krytenia advanced to the last sixteen in front of a capacity crowd at the DMS. The three-one scoreline sligtly flattened the Aces in what was, in fact, a very close game. Kennedy scored two of Krytenia's goals, while Stuart Persson grabbed the home side's other. Rather aptly, a man who plays in Krytenia, Balt Luyckx, scored a well-received goal for the Wabbits.

Next up for Krytenia is a nation that they have "a bit of history" with. Older fans will remember the "Battle Of Avid-Diord" which saw four red cards in the WCXV qualifiers (and the away game that saw Dunshabe turned upside-down), while almost everyone knows of Karim Isserson. The former Krytenia and Tadjikistan coach, 98, will be guest of honour at the match in Avidia.

KRYTENIA - 3
Kennedy 18, 77, S Persson 55

SPRUITLAND - 1
Luyckx 36

TOURNAMENT SCORERS
G Kennedy - 3
K Keda - 1
L Lovitz - 1
P Neasden - 1
S Persson - 1

SCHEDULE
R1: H v SQU D 2-2 (Davis Memorial Stadium, Everton City)
R1: H V FCN W 2-1(Davis Memorial Stadium, Everton City)
R1: H v SPR W 3-1 (Davis Memorial Stadium, Everton City)
R2: H v TDJ (Sixways Stadium, Avidia)

Bipedal Apes

17-09-2005, 02:40

Bipedal Times
Trans-border newspaper of the RBA

Throckspartle benches Tribuana
Two-Footers eliminated from World Cup

by Clumpo

Parkville, Druida-- No one can say Tribuana not busy these days. As reported in some trans-border press, in between World Cup matches, he showed great enterprise by going off and put together team for upcoming futsal tourney in The Human Macabees. Of course, such activity not in keeping with Ms. Throckspartle’s oppressive anti-maleinist regime.

He kept it mostly under hat until official announcement of intent to compete in tourney, which came early yesterday, but after that, cat was out of bag and on everyone’s lips. Not literally cat on lips, that just metaphor meaning whole team was talking about Tribuana’s Uppity Adventure. Big shock: not only did he organize futsal side, he planning to coach it! What bravery and intelligence he shows! Only Tribuana could be first male coach in Bipedaleen footie.

Of course, futsal not real football, but one can only dream of day he moves up to big time. Anyway, Ms. Throckspartle not like that at all and as soon as she heard about it, she said, “AAAAARGH!” and grabbed head in both hands. Once pain had gone down enough, she benched Tribuana and put Angstohm on starting squad for match against Crystilakere. Poor Tribuana had to watch final match of World Cup from sideline and duck every time Throckspartle looked his way to avoid getting unhealthy dose of Evil Eye.

Rest of squad did best to rise to challenge, but without Tribuana’s quick speed and talented feet, Bipedaleen offense lacked chutzpah. Ball went back and forth throughout early part of match. Crystils were duly respectful of Two-Footers’ skills, though Drumpopple, starting in suspended Proboscobid’s place, had trouble keeping pace with human striker Romano. Center found chance on thirty-three minutes, beating reserve defender with sudden burst of speed at top of box. Getting free of her, Romano took shot with no one but keeper to beat, and put it just out of Spotrockle’s reach. One-nil score remained until break.

Some hoped that Ms. Throckspartle would see light of reason while developing second-half strategy, but through poor luck, stupidity, or sheer bloody-mindedness, she still refused to put Tribuana on pitch. Disheartened, he reclaimed place on bench, polishing boots as if to underscore their disuse.

Second half was similar to first, with Two-Footers playing well against Crystils but unable to make good enough opportunities against humans’ superior speed, especially without Tribuana. Second goal of match came on sixty-eight minutes, when Nonaaia and Piao outfoxed Hooboy and Barkdiggle on right side. Faking defender with fancy footwork, Nonaaia passed to Piao who charged Spotrockle. When keeper committed to diving right, Piao passed left and Nonaaia, in perfect position, easily hit net.

Two-nil score would hold until end. After match reporters surrounded Tribuana and Throckspartle in equal measure. Striker refused comment on game, but did remark on his futsal squad. “We looking forward to trying new game,” he said. “Should be very exciting, lots of scoring, something RBA hasn’t tried. There lots of things RBA hasn’t tried.”

Overhearing this comment, Ms. Throckspartle reached a long arm and smacked him on head, after which he retreated to changing room. She then answered questions, directly denying that Tribuana’s benching cost Two-Footers the match. “Crystilakere a great team,” she pointed out. “We gave up two goals. Unless uppity male gonna score more than that, we wouldn’t have won anyway. Plus, his crappy uppity attitude costs us more goals than he’s worth.”

Whether she right about that may remain to be seen, but there no denying fact that Two-Footers played better with Tribuana than without him all tournament. RBACFA probably will weigh in on Tribuana question soon.

Final score:
Crystilakere 2 (Romano 33, Nonaaia 68)
Republic of Bipedal Apes 0

Hurfordia

17-09-2005, 10:56

Conures draw with hosts, salvage some pride.

Hurfordia's great adventure in the World Cup came to an end after a 0-0 draw with hosts Druida.

The game was not a great one, with both teams already out of the tournament and playing only for pride. Unfortunately, both teams seemed to go through the motions without reall putting in a great deal of effort. Hurfordia's highlight came just after half time, with Holsworthy scuffing a shot wide after good work from Denning to set up the chance.

Hurfordia can be proud of their achievements this year, although it would have been fun to see them go on in the World Cup. All that is left now is for the team, to start preparing for World Cup 25 in four years time. The first step will be to find a permanent manager, after rumours that Conor O'Reilly will be resigning his post. No-one at the FA is prepared to comment on the rumours, but our sources suggest that up-and-coming manager Henri Dauphin, former left-back for Rocklands Athletic and Plymouth Town, and currently manager of Fleet Town, was seen having lunch in a fancy restaurant with FA Chairman Nicholas Beer. Naturally, "White on Green" will keep you p to date as it develops.

Liverpool England

17-09-2005, 11:33

"Welcome to Sports Liverpool England Network, you're with me, Mike Brown as we come to you LIVE from our Llllllllllcwllllllll, Druida, bureau. Liverpool England will take on Audioslavia in the second round of World Cup 24, and will attempt to qualify for the Quarter Finals of a World Cup for the first time in twenty-eight years. With me today ahead of their big game tomorrow, Terminators manager Doug Freech, a recent World Cup Hall-of-Fame entrant, and Terminators players Lawrence O'Reilly and Lionel Lewis."

"Nice to be here, Mike."

"Likewise."

"Likewise."

"So, you guys take on Audioslavia tomorrow in what you think is a must-win, Doug? Your contract doesn't run out for another 4 years, until World Cup 25. Do you believe your job is at risk if you lose tomorrow?"

"Mike, it's a long process, discussing our aims with the FA for each World Cup. Our first aim was to make the quarter-finals, and anything beyond that would have been a bonus. The fact that we've avoided Starblaydia is extra for us. It'll be tough to get past the Slaves, we faced them last cup and didn't do very well. It's a must-win to achieve our first goal, though."

"Lawrence, you've been on form recently, with thirteen goals from 16 club and international appearances. You were on loan at Orean when they got relegated, did that not affect your playing?"

"Michael, it's not a nice feeling getting relegated, even if I was on loan. Orean are a big club - possibly the biggest in Liverpool England - and for them to be relegated is a big shame. IT did affect us all at the club for a while, morale wise, but to play in a World Cup is something different."

"So you've not been affected then at international level?"

"Not that I can tell, no."

"Sorry to interrupt here, but I think I'm quite qualified to give my view on this considering I can see the whole pitch."

"Yes, go ahead, Lionel, of course, viewers at home will know him as the Terminators shot-stopper."

"Lawrence has been brilliant. Three goals in the last two games of qualifying plus first three group-stage games, that's a goal every hundred and fifty minutes, which is undoubtedly impressive."

"Well, Lawrence and Lionel I understand must go for training now, when we come back after this break we'll be speaking more in-depth to Doug Freech."

Liverpool England

17-09-2005, 11:42

"Welcome back to SLE and TerminatorsLIVE, the SLE show devoted to the Liverpool England national football team, the Terminators. We've got Douglas Freech, national manager, to talk to us today.

Douglas, first off, if you guys are eliminated what'll your plans be for the team? Are you going to get a friendly going? It would be the league's off-season, as the new league season doesn't get underway until probably only about the semi-final stage."

"Well Mike, that's the FALE's perogative. I'd like to give them some rest and all."

"Audioslavia. Well, for our viewers at home, let's take a look at the past meetings between the Terminators and the Slaves...

Last time up in World Cup 23 Qualifying, the two teams drew once, and Audioslavia won the return at the National Stadium in CCL. I'm sure the team have been told to seek revenge?"

"Well mate I can't possibly give out my match tactics can I? W'ot I can say is that the team have been told to give it their all, and nothing less is expected of them."

"Funny, that's what Ha~e Hangila, who was in here the other day after the 1-0 loss to Rejistania, said the team had to do against Fmjphoenix despite just needing a draw to go through - you guys eventually drew 1-1, but were those your instructions? If so, will we see a repeat?"

"I told the lads to play hard, but keep their temperaments cool, knowing that we'd get Audioslavia or Starblaydia, or nothing at all. They played well against the Vikings, and I'm satisfied."

"Well, thanks, Doug, for an exciting conversation, remember, Audioslavia versus Liverpool England is LIVE on SLE tomorrow at 6.30pm Prudentia Standard, that's 7pm in Stadt Nicht and 8.30pm on Lox Land Island."

Jeruselem

17-09-2005, 13:13

Jeruselem Government News

World Cup XXIV 2nd round draw is out!

Jeruselem have made the final 16 for the first time and now it's time for the big time. Big time soccer for all concerned - let's look at the final 16 teams.

One look and they all look pretty normal - all the best teams around including US now! Once we could only dream of even getting here.

TNuI vs Lovisa - TNuI did not lose a game in the group stage game while Lovisa scraped in 2nd. On this form, TNuI to win.

Cockbill Street vs One Red Dot - Cockbill Street had 2 wins vs the Dots 1 win in the group stage but both did not lose games. Cockbill Street do have the better offense (just) and might win in overtime.

Audioslavia vs Liverpool England - Audioslavia were undefeated in the group stage with 2 wins and draw, but the Terminators were not so hot with one of each. Audioslavia on form, but never write off LE.

Bedistan vs Squornshelous - TWO EXCELLENT teams. One draw and two wins each but the Lions had the better goal difference and conceded one goal - TO JERUSELEM. Lions to win, but it will be a tough game.

Sarzonia vs Jeruselem - Sarzonia won all their group stage games while we won 2 and drew 1. On form, Jeruselem aren't the one to pick but JGN must pick Jeruselem because it's government policy. Otherwise we would say Sarzonia.

Turori vs Nova Britannicus - Turori had 2 wins and 1 draw while NB had 1 win and 2 draws. Turori did have a +3 GD vs +1 for NB but we are picking Nova Britannicus as it did have a rather nasty group including StarBlaydia.

Rejistania vs Oaker - The super-Karelans had two wins and loss vs the Oakian 1 of each. Defense is the heart of Rejistania success and Oaker not concede any goals as Rejistania are really good in this area. We pick Rejistania.

Krytenia vs Tadjikistan - Both had 2-1-0 and a similar goal difference. Tadjikistan had really well considering it had to play Squornshelous and Druida so they are our pick.

Turori

17-09-2005, 15:23

http://www.dirt-racing.com/3wide/sites/vilita/vn/tn/tieot.gif

Second Round Commentary

Total n Utter Insanity - Lovisa

-- As much as one would favor the Lovisans in this match, you have to consider the fact that Lovisa is currently not available to post reports due to irish commitments. This lack of reports is sure to hurt the chances of the Lovisan's who historically would have posted a few words by this point, giving them an edge over the Total n Utter Insanity side. However, this latest development makes the match a toss up, that only the ranging mind of this scorinator could possibly decipher. Both teams went out at this stage last cup, and one will do the same this cup. Lovisa 4-2 Total n Utter Insanity

Cockbill Street - One Red Dot

-- We don't like One Red Dot. Not because we don't like them, but more because we could have qualified for the World Cup in our very first attempt in World Cup 15 but those damn dots were in the way and we keep playing them and they stole a point from us in the group stage of the finals and the last thing we want is them to still be in the tournament. Cockbill Street in 2... halves. Cockbill Street 2-1 One Red Dot

Audioslavia - Liverpool England

-- Well Lets See. Audioslavia have a Vilitan Hall of Famer. Liverpool England have a piss marketing department. Flip of a coin? I think not. These two teams met in World Cup 20 First Round, and Audioslavia won 3-1. See the trend? Alright so it's only one match, it's still a trend because Liverpool England are piss and Audioslavia are pissers. Audioslavia 3-1 Liverpool England

Bedistan - Squornshelous

-- OoooooOOOoohhhhhhhh.

Sarzonia - Jeruselem

-- Sarzonia think they're hot stuff, but guess what! Long spurty reports can only get you so far! Jeruselem has been putting out no-frills reports since the dawn of time. As seems the norm, the longer you go frill less, the better your chances of winning are! Well these crusaders are one frill short of a bushel and their bushel is about to be filled. Look for what some will call an upset and what others will consider devine intervention. Jeruselem 1-0 Sarzonia

Turori - Nova Britannicus

-- Ahoy! You don't think the Turorian press would be devious enough to predict the score of their own match, would you? Of course they would! They were devious enough to tell the public about the plans to uncover the britannicans tiny goods, disrupt their eye-sockets and put a hole in their chests, so hey predicting a measely scoreline shouldn't be too much to ask! We beat those bums twice in qualifying and we're going to beat them again. Turori 2-0 Nova Britannicus

Rejistania - Oaker

-- These two teams met in World Cup 22 Knockout Stage, and Oaker won. These teams met in World Cup 21 Knockout Stage, and Rejistania won. These two teams meet in World Cup 24 and it's Rejistania's turn to win. Oh don't worry, Oaker will have their say before the end of the match, and will even push it to extra times. But the inbreds are losing genes by the day, and their stamina genes are the next to go. They won't be able to hold out for two hours and those stingy Orange-Blues will make shark meat of their opposition, and their own reputations, in this match. Rejistania 19-2 Oaker (AET)

Krytenia vs Tadjikistan

-- Tadjikistan is like a little zoo pet in a thick forest that comes out and entertains the guests for a little while and then goes and hides in the brush for like... a while, and then comes back out and makes an appearance or seven, and then hides again. Krytenia is like the little engine that could.. almost, see typically the little engine thinks it can and thinks it can and eventually it does it. Well thats where the link to Krytenia stops as this little engine never makes it over the hill, and it's not even pretty. It gets a good way up the hill and then just crashes big time and rolls down into a meaningless and poking oblivion, only to get a huge injection and miraculous show up halfway up the hill once again. They may be hosts but it's a hill too steep for the Krytenians. Druidan's en-guard, you never know when you'll be called upon. Tadjikistan 2-1 Krytenia

Sarzonia

17-09-2005, 16:34

Stars erase another demon, win 2:1

New Osteria, Krytenia (ASP) -- If nothing else, World Cup XXIV will be remarkable in Sarzonian national football team history for the team's ability to accomplish tasks it had never before accomplished. It defeated archrivals Commerce Heights and took four out of a possible six points from the Capitalizts and it earned a perfect 3-0-0 mark in the groups stage for the first time.

Now the Stars can add one more such first to their list. They defeated Jeruselem in a match not involving their now-defunct Under 21 national team by a 2:1 scoreline and will be making their third consecutive appearance in the World Cup quarterfinals.

"We just focused on what we had to do to beat Jeruselem," Coach Dave Wilson said. "The fact that we hadn't beaten them before really didn't come up in the locker room. I think everyone realised we hadn't faced them since we were still coming up in the ranks of World Cup football."

Sarzonia almost saw their streak of quarterfinals appearances snap and their inability to defeat Jeruselem come back to bite them in their collective arse. The Crusaders drew first blood with a rare poor play by Stars goalkeeper Horace Sandt resulting in 0:1. Sandt came out too far to challenge midfielder John Coward and forward Ross Roswell sneaked in behind the defence and tapped in the pass from Coward in the 28th minute.

"That was just awful," Sandt said. "I take the blame for that."

With the clock reading 85 minutes and the officials keeping time on the field, it looked like the clock hadn't struck midnight yet for the Crusaders. But late substitute Kevin Wilson, the younger brother of Stars legend Brian Wilson and a son of Coach Dave Wilson used his fresh legs to sprint past the Jeruselem defence and stole a back pass from defender Patrick Hepstein, firing the shot past goalkeeper Miguel Sanchez to draw the match level at 1:1 in the 86th minute.

"That was huge," Kevin Wilson said. "We had to bail Hor out."

The Stars (16-2-0) weren't done yet. With forward Bruce Badger on in an attempt to generate scoring and eventually serve in the penalties phase should that come up, the Stars made one final push to snatch victory from the jaws of defeat. They got a goal with stoppage time winding down courtesy of super sub Badger, who took a wall pass from Brian Wilson after the starting forward drew three Crusaders to him. Taking advantage of being unmarked, Badger made Jeruselem pay, giving the team a 2:1 edge three minutes into second half stoppage time.

Shortly after the Crusaders rushed the ball to the centre circle and kicked it off, the referee's whistle blared one short and one long whistle. The match went final and the Stars walked off the field in victory for the first time against Jeruselem. For the Crusaders, that whistle may as well have been the clock's strike of midnight as their Cinderella voyage came to a close. For the Stars, that whistle was the sweet sound of victory, accomplished many, many times under soon to depart Coach Dave Wilson.

"It's been one incredible run," Dave Wilson said. "Hopefully, we've got three more wins in us."

Tadjikistan

17-09-2005, 18:34

Its Over.

Avidia - Krytenia- It was a nice day for the Tadjiks, they had been playing well, the sun was shining and the Tigers met the first coach of the Tadjik national side, Karim Isserson, now 98 and still looking healthy. No doubt the result of a life in sports. He did not say much but the smile on his face when he met the Tigers said more than enough.

Were they really impressed by meeting Isserson? They must have been, the Tigers had trouble making a good move in the first half and the closest they got to the Krytenian goal was a shot by Salenko that went wide over. The Krytenian topscorer Kennedy on the other hand punctured through the Tadjik defense with the help of Caraiani and beat Vorozheikin.

1-0 for the Krytenians, The Sadirovs knew it would be difficult, the Krytenia Aces played in their own country, in front of their own fans. Only a few thousand had obtained a ticket and eventhough they could almost be heard in Tadjikistan, they were outnumbered. Another factor that played in the Krytenian succes was the pressure created by the international media -Turori and Jeruselem to be exact-, which predicted a win for the Tigers and gone was their advantage of underdog.

The second half saw a bit more action, with Szarmach taking Tanai's place, they moved up and surprised the Krytenians with a couple wellaimed shots. Salenko hit the left pole while Szarmachs shooting got stopped Barcali with some difficulty. The Tadjiks finally got their first goal, with Bayerenov on the trigger.

Bayerenovs effort was futile, in less than four minutes the Krytenians scored ... twice and killed the Tadjik hopes, but not their spirit. In a last offensive, the Tigers rushed forward, with all their strikers and besieged the Krytenian box, which resulted in a goal in the last minutes by Salenko.

The Tigers lost and are out of the World Cup, but it didnt really bother them, they had succesfully halted a dark period and brought back some of the spirit from the Isserson era. Bahrom Sadirov was pleased with his team and their achievements: 'In the two last participations we failed to get to the next round and got knocked out with only six points, in the past few days we erased that stain, we won twice and drew once. It went easier and better than I could have imagined, especially against Druida. I thought the Druidans would push us aside.Maybe next time we'll actually get to the 1/8th finals. Me and my brother have decided that we're going to stay around for a while longer so it is possible. For now this little zoo pet is going home to its forest and I hope the little engine makes it to the finals.'

Starblaydia

17-09-2005, 19:31

Tugging at his collar, and obviously sweating, Lord Van Honjiik made a hasty exit through the nearest door, into the corridor. He immediately turned right but came face to face with Roberto Di Bradini.

"Excuse me," he mumbled, attempting to sidestep the ex-international. His step, however, was blocked as robb placed his hand on the wall with some force.

"You're not going anywhere until you tell me what you did to Ceri." Robb's cold blue eyes told the Minister exactly what he would do to him if he didn't say.

"It wasn't my fault, he was getting too close!" Rikaard offered, not answering the question and covering his own back at the same time - typical politician.

"What did you do?" Robb moved closer, his presence dominating the weaker man, words coming through clenched teeth. "To Ceri. Tell me or I'll..."

Van Honjiik attempted to scoot past Robb but the former footballer was having none of it. He'd had some of the most skillful players in the world try to sidestep him with a football, so an out-of-shape politican in a corridor was going to be no contest. Robb seized the Minister by his shirt collar and spun him around, slamming his back into the wall.

"Tell me everything."

"Okay, okay," Van Honjiik obviously wasn't used to this kind of treatment and had folded almost immediately, "Salisbury was investigating The Question, you know, 'Why?'."

"That's gibberish!" Robb spat out the words and tightened his grip. "Quit your double-talk or else."

"I'm serious! He was looking into why sports results go the way they do," Rikaard wasn't making much sense to anyone but himself, "why these things happen, what they mean, whether there's a pattern or not."

"You mean like the DK/KD virus?"

"Exactly!" Rikaard was astonished at Robb's grasp of the situation, never mind the grasp he had on Rikaard's expensive shirt. "Does that predict the outcome of World Cup 24, or 25, or a specific match, or what? Or is it just random junk?"

"And what was he getting too close to?"

"The Answer."

"Now," Robb said, flexing his fingers, still with their firm grip on Van Honjiik's clothing "who would want him dead for getting too close to that answer?" Rikaard took a few moments to formulate and answer.

"Them." He didn't seem to point at anyone in particular, maybe straight at you, perhaps. "The ones who control it all."

"Nobody controls it all. Tell me the truth!"

"That is the truth!" Van Honjiik pleaded, holding up his hands. "I don't know who they are, but they control everything, them and their grand schemes. We're nothing..."

"What's going on here?"

Robb and Rikaard's little moment had been interrupted by a member of the security detail. One of the Lord-Protector's Venators, in suit and sunglasses. and come over to them. Behind him, however, was Lord-Protector Tiberius Starblayde himself.

"Oh nothing, boy," Robb said, "just his Lordship and myself having a little disagreement over Karela versus Takil, aren't we, Rik?"

"Um, yeah," Van Honjiik was relieved but managed a chuckle, "Karela sucks."

"See?" Robb said with a smile, "he just won't give in, Karela rocks! What do you think, Officer?"

The officer stood stoney-faced at the question.

"The Lord-Protector requests your presence, my Lord," was his only statement, "immediately."

"At once," Rikaard said, turning to Robb, as he followed the Venator down the hall, "I wasn't lying, you know."

Krytenia

18-09-2005, 02:39

thsd:NEWS

The Little Engine Bloody Well Can!

GET in there! Krytenia have made the quarter-finals of the World Cup for the first time in their history, and the game that got them there would have become a classic even if this piece of history was not at stake.

Touting was in evidence once again, and a lot of Krytenian fans got hold of tickets they probably shouldn't. The Tadjik following, however, made up for their small following with a wall of noise. The cheering was intense pre-game, as both sets of fans showed their appreciation for Karim Isserson, a pivotal figure in both nations' successes. The national anthems were impeccably observed (surprising for those who remember the events of a certain match in Dunshabe), and so the match began.

And what a match! Tadjikistan, for once the favourites in a World Cup knockout game, came out fighting but struggled in the final third. Though they had much of the possesion in the opening gambit, a wayward Salenko shot was their only real chance on goal. The Aces, however, bade their time, and patience proved fruitful as Gabe Kennedy latched onto a pinpoint through ball from Nick Caraiani and slotted the ball past the sprawling Tadjik 'keeper. One-nil remained the score until half-time; the Aces never got close after the goal, but Salenko flashed another shot wide of Barcali's goal just before the break. If the Tigers could carry on the momentum in the second half, they could just take the win.

The second half saw more Tadjik attacking, and yet it still took them a good quarter hour to score. Substitute Szarmach caused havoc in the defence, and who else but legendary Ousevale Borough striker, Peter Bayerenov, was there to smash the ball into the back of the net. Either side of that, the Tadjiks could have had four or five, only some good stops from Barcali and a little luck from the woodwork keeping the Tigers at bay.

But once again, Tadjikistan attacked too hard, and Krytenia scored on the break. Twice. First, it was Caraiani who scored a peach of a lob, spotting the goalie off his line and hitting a strike with a fiendish dip from a full 35 yards. Then, less than three minutes later, Kevin Keda flicked an inswinging Persson corner in from the near post, and Kennedy got his second of the match. The Stanton striker now has five goals in just four games for the Aces - Phil Neasden can't wait to get back into action.

A late consolation for the Tigers meant that stoppage time was a tense affair, but Krytenia held on, and as the fans expected the Aces will face Rejistania in the quarters. Except they won't. Rejistania are reigning champions no longer after being eliminated on penalties by Oaker. Will the hosts become the latest "Shark Food"? We shall see.

KRYTENIA - 3
Kennedy 20, 68, Caraiani 65

TADJIKISTAN - 2
Bayerenov 61, Salenko 89

TOURNAMENT SCORERS
G Kennedy - 5
N Caraiani - 1
K Keda - 1
L Lovitz - 1
P Neasden - 1
S Persson - 1

SCHEDULE
R1: H v SQU D 2-2 (Davis Memorial Stadium, Everton City)
R1: H V FCN W 2-1(Davis Memorial Stadium, Everton City)
R1: H v SPR W 3-1 (Davis Memorial Stadium, Everton City)
R2: H v TDJ W 3-2(Sixways Stadium, Avidia)
QF: H v OAK (Oxley Park, Everton City)

Bedistan

18-09-2005, 17:07

bsd
the bedistan sports digest

Squorn forlorn, Bedi ready for quarterfinals

PORT SCADOCK, Druida -- Every one of Away Ground's 46,000 seats was filled in anticipation of what would surely prove to be a hotly contested World Cup 24 second-round match: Bedistan v Squornshelous. Both nations have been participating in international competition for ages, both members of the Class of World Cup 5, where Squornshelous did the unthinkable and reached the quarterfinals, though Bedistan's performance wasn't too shabby either, reaching the group stage after fighting through an eight-way playoff. The Pschychoes (we think we've spelled that correctly) were superior once, and now the Lions were ready to prove that that was not the case today.

But at the beginning of the match, the Bedistani team looked more like the inexperienced side that took the pitch in Tanah Burung three-quarters of a century ago than the refined national side in existence today. Franz Persson wasted no time scoring the first goal for Squornshelous in the eighth minute as Tom Pratt effectively stood back and watched the ball fly into the center of the net. Not too long afterward, the Pschychoes would double their lead after a poorly-timed tackle by Quentin Phillips led to a yellow card and a free kick from just outside the box for Mostafa Ogbadan, which was duly converted to make the score 2-0.

The mood in the Bedistan locker room at halftime was reportedly somber at best, but it certainly didn't look like it as the players walked back onto the pitch. Rather, it seemed more like a fire had been lit beneath the Lions' behinds, as they finally looked like they came from the same country that had won the World Cup twelve years previously. First Tara Stalls put a long shot into the net, but it wouldn't count due to a dubious offside call by the Oliverrian referee. Then the game suddenly turned into the Tony Orr show, as the striker began literally bombarding the Squornshelous goal with shots for the next fifteen minutes, and two of those ultimately went into the goal to tie the game with about twenty minutes to go before stoppage time. It would be Alejandro Vantrease who would finally secure his team's passage into the quarterfinals with an expertly-timed nine-yard blast in the 82nd minute to bring the score to 3-2, where it would remain.

finalscore
Bedistan 3 (Orr 56, 65; Vantrease 82)
Squornshelous 2 (Persson 8, Ogbadan 14)

nextmatch
It was going to be another good match no matter what, with us facing the winner of Audioslavia v Liverpool England. The Terminators won that match, and so we'll be playing them for the eleventh time in our history. Bedistan has only recently taken the lead in the series with an overall 5-1-4 record, but we should note that over the last five meetings that record is 5-0-0. We will never stop getting revenge for World Cup 8, and a record ninth semifinal appearance is certainly not out of the question here.

Turori

18-09-2005, 19:16

http://www.dirt-racing.com/3wide/sites/vilita/vn/tn/tieot.gif

Turorian Predictions Teams Sacked.

Total n Utter Insanity - Lovisa

-- So the inept battle of the cup didn't fall in the hands of the most inept. Perhaps the title of most inept is changing sometime soon, but not likely, with Lovisa being in some weird place called ireland for anywehre between two days and two months. And so the scoreline wasnt even close. Well, Actually, I guess it wasa. Our guys knew it would be a high scoring affair, just botched up the rest. It was a little surprising to see Total n Utter Insanity pull through, but then considering they played Lovisa, nothings a shocker. Zero points to the Turori National for predicting NOTHING in this match.

TN Prediction: Lovisa 4-2 Total n Utter Insanity
Actual Result: Lovisa 2-3 Total n Utter Insanity

Cockbill Street - One Red Dot

-- Well you see, our guys aren't totally incompetent. Then again, the only reason anyone ever picked this match is due to the pure hatred of One Red Dot by all of Turori. Yea Yea yea I know it was 10 cups ago BUT IT STILL SUCKS!. Us Turorian's are proud and we don't forget lightly, One Red Dot should consider themselves lucky we never attacked them or something. Not that we'd get all mad over a football result or anything but still, count your blessings One Red Dot and be lucky we don't have to play again!!! Three points to the Turori National for picking the correct result, and a further point for proper goal differential. Four points out of a possible 12 so far.

TN Prediction: Cockbill Street 2-1 One Red Dot
Actual Result: Cockbill Street 1-0 One Red Dot

Audioslavia - Liverpool England

-- Alright so Helmut Vilkaous wasn't able to put one over on those Z-ing K-ing slag hagglers from the East. Well, we predicted Vilkaous would be able to put three over on them, but they just didn't come through. I bet Kaboafo Analina didn't play, he was probably hurt or something. Great little prospect from out in Turoki, they breed good foreigners there. Too bad, Audioslavia would have had a nice little chance having to ... oh wait never mind, they probably threw the match just so they wouldnt have to play the winner of Bedistan-Squorn. Little Pansies. 1 point to the Turori National for predicting Liverpool Englands goal count, 5 points out of a possible 18 so far.

TN Prediction: Audioslavia 3-1 Liverpool England
Actual Result: Audioslavia 0-1 Liverpool England

Bedistan - Squornshelous

-- I don't know what the hell the Turori National was doing here, they didn't even predict a result. Perhaps the OooOOOooO crap meant they were predicting a 0-0 full time draw with a result decided in extra time. Either way, they didn't pick a winner so that's three points down the drain first off. Well it was an epic battle, lives were lost and the shapes of two nations were redefined forever. That or Bedistan won. 3-2 definately qualifies as a satisfactory OooOoooOoOOohhhhh in such a prime tim matchup however, so half a point to the Turori National for providing suitable sound effects. Thats 5.5 points out of a possible 24 so far.

TN Prediction: OoooooOOOoohhhhhhhh.
Actual Result: Bedistan 3-2 Squornshelous

Sarzonia - Jeruselem

-- So the Turori National predicted that the "best team in the world" was gonna go down to a bunch of robe laden beards with a message and stuff like that. It was a nice idea, the whole divine intervention and all that, but I mean just look at the two pies. On the left you have this real juicy pie with pretty stars on it, i mean it really looks like someone put a lot of time and effort into this pie, and it probably tastes really good. Then on the other side theres this raunchy looking thing, the crust is askew and there's filling popping out all over the place, it just looks like it was made by someone who really wasn't into making this pie. Well thats what we had here, and that raunchy little pie just couldn't hold it together. But hey, out of shear luck, the Turori National gets a point for predicting Jeruselem's proper goal count. How incredulous. Thats 6.5 points out of a possible 30 so far.

TN Prediction: Jeruselem 1-0 Sarzonia
Actual Result: Jeruselem 1-2 Sarzonia

Turori - Nova Britannicus

-- Do you know who the best player in all of Turori is right now? That's right it's a trick question, because he plays in Cockbill Street. He goes by the name of Christian Briyjao and he plays for Roegrow Athletic (CST). He's a central midfielder that can push out wide, and he just made a name for himself in the second round of the World Cup Finals. So he scored the game winning goal in extra time, solidified the Turori Eels as the best colonial entity in the sporting world, secured a potential tie that could see the Eels toppel and catch the top rated team in the entire world, colonial or otherwise, and of course, proved that the Turori National is not 100% incompetent in predicting results. I guess it would be unfair to overlook Jervis FC's Martiia Vluka who opened the scoring, but that damn Jiateo Kansu-Ramzi really screwed up to let the Navy Blues equalize with just 15 minutes to play. It's all for the best though, Slietah called in the big ass lights and Briyjao put on his invisibility cloak to rifle home to the delight of Eels fans all around the world. And also in the stadium in Krytenia. 3 points for predicting the match and 1 point for the correct Turorian goals. Not bad, 10.5 points out of .... 36 possible for the Turori National.

TN Prediction: Turori 2-0 Nova Britannicus . . . .
Actual Result: Turori 2-1 Nova Britannicus (AET)

Rejistania - Oaker

-- So Rejistanian's like to not score goals and Oaker's like to sleep with their sisters. An interesting matchup, at least for those who like redneck porn. You see the Oaker's spent all their time in their end sleeping with their sisters and the Rejistanian's all sat around in their end fighting over who got to hug the stupid green tux. Two hours later the Referree blew his whistle and started screaming at the top of his lungs. No one answered him, the Oakers kept on multiplying and the Rejis's kept on dorkifying. Not quite sure what to do, the ref talked it over with his fellow assistants. With their being just one green tux, they decided to quick run and steal the stupid thing, and sprint to the other side of the pitch where the Oakers were and set it down there. They figured the Rejis's would run after and they sure did, you've never seen a rejis move so fast without a fresh batch of coffee in the cooker. Finally the refs decided they needed to break out the heavy artillery. They brought out the Oaker children, and the Oaker sister's quickly flocked for the fresh meat. With the green tux still in possession, the referree's laid down the ground rules. One ball, one net. Whoever scores the most gets their freaky unnatural pleasure toys back. Those damn Oaker's are hella freaky. The Turori National didn't get anything right... but you've got to hand it to them, they saw what was coming. A fourth of a point for predicting extra time, and uber bonus points for predicting that Rejistania's reputation would be severely dented by matches end. Thats 10.75 points out of 42 possible, plus uber bonus for predicting Rejistanian Takil Transformation.

TN Prediction: Rejistania 19-2 Oaker (AET) . . . .
Actual Result: Rejistania 7-8 Oaker (AET - APK)

Krytenia vs Tadjikistan

-- Does anyone even care about this match now? Oaker just beat Rejistania and then bamboozled their own sisters afterwords. It was freaky really. So the Turori National is incompetent at picking match results we knew that already, But that still doesnt mean the little engine can. The little engine is just as piss now as it was before, it just got caught up on a protruding rail road spike and didn't quite drop down the mountain yet. Don't worry it will come. And hey, the Turori National picked up a point for getting Tadjikistan's goals correct. So, out of 48 possible predictions points, The Turori National ends up with.......... 11.75. Great job. Not. But they did have that uber bonus for predicting Rejistanian Takil Transformation. That's priceless. Who cares about results when you can watch the rejis humiliate themselves AND get knocked out of the cup at the same time... at the hands of Oaker!

TN Prediction: Tadjikistan 2-1 Krytenia
Actual Result: Tadjikistan 2-3 Krytenia

Sarzonia

18-09-2005, 19:25

Stars look to go Eel hunting

With some of the events of this 24th running of football's World Cup, the Sarzonian national team know that taking anyone lightly would be a fool's errand. Especially if their quarterfinal opponent is Turori, a team that has earned a pedigree all its own as a colony of football superpowers Vilita.

The Stars have earned a successful record against Turori thus far, including a win in extra time against the Eels in World Cup XXII en route to the World Cup title. But Coach Dave Wilson said his team isn't taking anything for granted against highly-regarded Turori.

"They've proven they're an elite side," Wilson said. "And we've earned first-ever wins against Commerce Heights and Jeruselem, so you know in the back of your mind that you could be next if you don't take care of what you must focus on out there."

The Stars (16-2-0 in World Cup play) are playing with added motivation against Turori, as their media disrespected the Stars en route to predicting a Jeruselem victory in the Round of 16 match eventually won by the Stars 2-1. The team also is motivated by a press release sent to them by their colonial masters in Vilita that said the team was being expelled from the Atlantian Oceania Cup of Association Football. Even though the release was revealed to be a joke, the incident resulted in angering even the first choice side of the Stars.

"We've got a chance to prove ourselves against these guys," forward Brian Wilson said. "We want to make these guys pay for what they did."

Turori

18-09-2005, 20:52

http://www.dirt-racing.com/3wide/sites/vilita/vn/tn/tieot.gif

Eels going Star Gazi...errr Hunting

------------------According to a recent study taken in the realms of Cednia, Almintora and Waridi, the number three leisure time activity in the Island Emirate is Star Gazing. According to that same survey, the number twenty-seven leisure time activity in the Island Emirate is Fruit Fly Hunting. Those two activities will combine tomorrow when the Turori Eels square off against the Sarzonia Stars in the World Cup Quarter Finals, and no, there won't be any Fruit Fly Gazing. Perhaps those who are into Fruit Fly Gazing should take the next flight out to Audioslavia, those guys will be looking for something to do after their early exit from the cup.

------------------The Star hunting will begin from the backline as Milauo Slietah continues to wield the Karelan Shield of Magic, obviously vacant from Rejistania as they conceded in a wild 8-7 defeat to the hands of Oaker, albeit in the dirty sister shootout. Jiateo Kansu-Ramzi is pushed to the bench for Turori after his misque against the Navy Blues put the rims on the rams and nearly cost the Eels their place in the Quarter Finals. Replacing him will be quiet but exciting 22 year old Niauo Yidiea who plays in Cockbill Street for Sto'kh'darakha Roh'nidh'ba (CST). It will be the biggest match in the youngsters career as he will center in a five man defensive line that intends to thwart the Stars. Not that it will take much doing. For that reason there will be lots of counter attacking, led by Marine Coast United's Chandresh Adebola and South Coast Unite'ds Maratima Tareak. Tareak has well established himself as one of the top defenders in Turorian history, after his solid defensive performances have lifted the Eels from just another finalist to a top five in the world nation.

------------------Slietah will keep his confidence in speedy 20 year old Lenny Lavine as the lone target man in his ingenuitive and powerful 5-3-1-1 formation. The Stars have boasted their unbeaten record and perfect run through the finals so far but they are ranked number one in the world, they're just doing what they're supposed to do. But for Turori, the motivation is there, and so is the elusive world rankings position. They've already leapfrogged Vilita in the rankings and now they're going for one more. Can they achieve the elusive that the Vilitan's came oh so close to achieving after their triumph in World Cup 20? Only time will tell. Let the Star Hunting begin.

Liverpool England

19-09-2005, 09:25

<voiceover> "Sports Liverpool England presents Terminators LIVE, with your host, Mike Brown! Today, we're talking about how Douglas Freech's men managed to overcome Audioslavia, and whether they'll manage to level the record against Bedistan to 5 and 1 and 5. Today's guests are Doug Freech himself, and Gareth Dussis, outgoing FALE Chairman!"

<crowd applause> "Thank you all, thank you. Welcome to Terminators LIVE, LIVE on SLE from our Llllllllllcwllllllll, Druida, bureau. I've got Doug Freech and Gareth Dussis here with me today, Dussis of course outgoing FALE Chairman, he'll be replaced by former Liverpool England coach, Syku Lyku, who'll be the first non-Liverpool Englander to take the job, after the end of the Terminators' World Cup 24 campaign."

"Which will hopefully last through till the final, Mike."

"We're all hoping that, I'm sure, Doug. Your lads played well against Audioslavia, but perhaps the win was a surprise?"

"I told them to play for a win; they did just that. It was a brilliant goal," <scenes of the goal shown on TV> "great clearance from Lionel [Lewis, goalkeeper], and also very well done for Tyshenko [Hakun Tyshenko, left winger] to get the shot in from that angle."

"Now, Doug, you have to admit - we all do - it's a big game you guys have coming up."

"Bedistan's definitely a big game. We're all looking forward to it. The lads have even said that for good luck, they'll wear exact jersey replicas that were worn on that night in Columbia [,Bedistan] (the team played with only numbers, no names)."

"You'll be playing all-out again then?"

"The lads have been told to exact revenge for the past five meetings (all losses), so we'll be in for a good game."

"All right, cheers for that. Now, to Gareth. Your expectations?"

"I'd like the boys to redo what my dad [Paul Dussis, World Cup 8 winner.... over Bedistan] did all those years ago... it would be a brilliant sight. As I understand it winning would put us through to face the winner of Total n Utter Insanity against Cockbill Street, and I'd like to face TnUI after their threats during WC22."

"All right then, cheers, that's all the time we have for today!"

Sarzonia

19-09-2005, 16:19

Stars exterminate Eels, 2:0

With Turori National's prediction that Sarzonia would fall to Jeruselem playing heavily in the back of their minds, the Sarzonian national football team played angry. Unfortunately for the Turori Eels, when the Stars play angry, they usually play their best football. The quarterfinal match between the Stars and the Eels was no exception with the Stars dominating Turori 2-0.

"We wanted to prove to everyone that we were still a team to be reckoned with," Coach Dave Wilson said. "We especially wanted to prove to Turori that they maybe took us a little too lightly."

The Stars (17-2-0 in World Cup XXIV play) nearly buried the Eels from the outset, getting both goals before fans had a chance to settle into their seats, as forward Kevin Wilson started for Kenny Cooper at forward and notched the first goal just three minutes in thanks to a breathtaking sequence with older brother Brian. The two reversed the connection with Brian scoring off a feed from Kevin six minutes on.

"We wanted to apply pressure early and take them completely out of the game," Kevin Wilson said. "It was nice to be able to do that early."

The Stars continued to apply pressure on Eels goalkeeper Ebbow Dakin, firing a total of 27 shots, 12 on goal, but Dakin was equal to the task for the final 84 minutes. His Sarzonian counterpart, Horace Sandt, only faced four shots on goal, none of them particularly stressful. Sarzonia held the ball in Turori's offensive end for 48 minutes to Turori's 19 minutes in the Sarzonian end, and won seven corner kicks to Turori's two.

The dominance had an effect on the Eels, as they began to take out their frustrations on the Stars. Turori ended up with 31 fouls to Sarzonia's 17 and saw two players sent off. Defender Jiateo Kansu-Ramzi was shown red in the 26th minute after a brutal tackle of midfielder and team captain Darwin Russell, and forward Jutar Ranaso earned two cautions for dissent, hitting the showers in the 48th minute.

Sarzonia face the winner of Krytenia-Oaker for the right to play in their second World Cup championship final in three tries. The Stars faced Krytenia in the Round of 16 last year, and it took penalties to decide the Stars' victory. The Stars' only meeting with the Oaker Sharks was in the World Cup XXII finals, a 4-0 Sarzonia win. The Stars say they don't care which team they face.

"Either match would be tough," Russell said, looking askance at the pack of ice that rested atop his right knee. "Facing the hosts is always asking for trouble, but the Sharks would be looking out for revenge. We want to make sure we put out a full effort no matter whom we face."

Total n Utter Insanity

19-09-2005, 19:58

It was a cold winters day, which was odd for July, but that didn't stop the Insanicians from going out onto the pitch and giving it their all in an attempt to reach the semifinals of a World Cup. Cockbill Street had amazingly made it to the Quarter Finals to give us an easy ride into the final four. After the one-nil utter crushing TnUI will face the most annoying nation in the history of the world, or Liverpool England.

Expect a full recap if we win :)

Bedistan

19-09-2005, 20:09

bsd
the bedistan sports digest

Yes, Sarzonia is still number one

DRUIDA -- The Bedistan Sports Digest hereby congratulates Sarzonia on retaining the number one world ranking after their quarterfinal victory over Turori. Since Rejistania was incredibly eliminated in the second round, the Stars are now unopposed due to Bedistan deciding to re-enact the World Cup 9 third-place match instead of playing a proper game of football in the quarterfinals.

More in the late edition.

finalscore
Bedistan 1 (Vantrease 24)
Liverpool England 2 (Somebody 57, Somebody Else 80)

Krytenia

20-09-2005, 01:13

thsd:NEWS

Seven Minute Itch

KRYTENIA stood on the edge of the precipice at half-time in this crunch quarter-final, yest it was the Sharks who found themselves at the bottom of the ravine. The Aces fought back from three-nil down at the break to take the game by the odd goal in seven at Oxley Park.

After a fantastic tie against Tadjikistan, the Krytenian fans were hungry for goals. What they did not expect, however, was that the first one would be scored by a Krytenian…for Oaker. It was a good cross in from the right, and the dip was enough to confuse poor Tom Porter, whose knee deflected the ball past a stricken James Barcali. Just four minutes on the clock, and the Aces were in trouble.

One became two very quickly indeed; this time, Ash Oaker connecting on a good through ball to lash a shot past Barcali. Terry Goodley was at the corner of No and Where; Lyle Lovitz was further away than that. Krytenia’s dreams of reaching the last four were seeping down the plughole. Just two minutes later, those dreams seemed even further away when Goodley pulled up clutching his thigh and had to come off, replaced by Marcus Pironi. And, proving all bad things come in threes, Freddy Oaker put the Sharks three-nil up with a nod in from a corner on thirty-seven minutes.

What exactly do you say to a side three-nil down at half time? What can you do to lift disheartened troops, to lift those who have flagged, to bring up the heads of the fallen spirited? Well, if Alan Munitis’ post-game testimony is to be believed, it came down to one sentence: “Win this one, lads, and we can get revenge on Sarzonia.”

To the average Krytenian, the prospect of playing the Sarzonians is enough to instil a huge chunk of pride and patriotism. It certainly instilled something into the men in the quartered shirts as they set about Oaker with a predatory ruthlessness at the start of the second half – however a three-nil lead does leave plenty of scope for leaving eleven men behind the ball, as Oaker showed for a full thirty-five minutes. Even the returning Phillip Neasden, a half-time substitute for the ineffective Lausano, couldn’t break the back line.

One thing that the Sharks did begin to lose, though, was discipline. As wave after wave of Krytenian attacks bore down on the Oaker entrenchment, so the niggly little free-kicks started to appear. It was one of these free-kicks that would go on to produce the first goal; Stephen Greenow whipped in a cross, and Neasden was there to head it home at the far post. Krytenia, at least, had a goal.

In fact, not only did they have a goal, but they also had confidence, and a few chinks were appearing in Oaker’s armour. It came as no surprise that Krytenia added a second; this time Neasden turned provider, laying the ball off for Kevin Keda to blast home from the edge of the area. The momentum was with Krytenia, and barely a minute later the scores were level, as Gabriel Kennedy scored his sixth of the tournament, looping the ball home from a full thirty yards.

And still, the Aces were not done. Almost immediately from the restart, Neasden caught an Oaker defender in possession, beat a further two, and slotted the ball past the hapless keeper and into the net. No further goals ensued, Krytenia running out the clock as much as possible.

Next up? Yes, it’s them. The Auld Enemy. The Blue Peril. The Thorn In Side. And, let’s not forget, the team that broke Krytenian hearts four years ago. Sarzonia, having defeated Turori two-nil in their quarter-final matchup, now face an Aces side wanting revenge for their shootout elimination four years ago. Be afeared. Be largely afeared.

KRYTENIA - 4
Neasden 81, 87, Keda 84, Kennedy 85

OAKER - 3
Porter og 4, A Oaker 6, Fr Oaker 37

TOURNAMENT SCORERS
G Kennedy - 6
P Neasden - 3
K Keda - 2
N Caraiani - 1
L Lovitz - 1
S Persson - 1

SCHEDULE
R1: H v SQU D 2-2 (Davis Memorial Stadium, Everton City)
R1: H V FCN W 2-1(Davis Memorial Stadium, Everton City)
R1: H v SPR W 3-1 (Davis Memorial Stadium, Everton City)
R2: H v TDJ W 3-2(Sixways Stadium, Avidia)
QF: H v OAK W 4-3(Oxley Park, Everton City)
SF: H v SRZ (Mercia Stadium, Bromham)

Sarzonia

20-09-2005, 15:26

The World Cup 24 Final Four
Will the clock strike midnight?

A World Cup that has become known for unlikely results and early exits has culminated in a World Cup semifinals stage that has only one team ranked higher than seventh and two teams ranked between 15th and 20th in the world. Oh, and Sarzonia's still playing.

A look at the four teams reveals some surprises and some interesting events, but even if the world's top ranked team holds the trophy aloft for the second time in three World Cups, the tournament will be dripping with interesting storylines.

(1) Sarzonia
Whilst teams like sixth ranked Starblaydia and ninth ranked Vilita didn't even advance to the groups stage of these World Cup finals and teams like Rejistania and Bedistan received unceremonius boots from the tournament in the very early going, the Stars (17-2-0) have held to form with a cold efficiency that would have done the Orange-Blues proud during one of their famous World Cup championship runs. But a team that has consistently eschewed System Karela in favour of a more aggressive set of tactics has had defensive results befitting the best practitioners of Karela, allowing only one goal in World Cup qualifying for the third consecutive World Cup season, and conceding only one goal thus far in the World Cup. For a team that has had a viselike grip on the world's top ranking since their stunning 4:0 win over Oaker in the World Cup XXII finals, the team has shown remarkable determination and fire, playing as if their lives depended on sending Coach Dave Wilson to Hypocria's national side a two time champion.

(7) Liverpool England
A team that had become known for trumpeting its World Cup VIII title in the same way Abe Pollin waxed nostaligic about the Washington Bullets winning a NBA title in 1978 until the day he died many years later is now two victories away from adding to its haul. En route to that, Liverpool England managed to dispatch a Bedistan side that was likely hoping to get another shot at the Stars but will now have to watch the rest of the Cup on the tele. Besides Sarzonia, they have been the team that has held to its form after dominating World Cup qualifying. They played in a tough Group G, facing Rejistania (which dealt them their one loss so far in the World Cup finals stage) and Commerce Heights. The team's high water mark thus far is a victory over Bedistan. The question remains whether they can continue the momentum generated by a 12-0-2 qualifying campaign and a 15-1-3 overall mark.

(16) Krytenia
If it weren't for the fact that the Stars have essentially an away match against the Aces and the fact that Sarzonia defeated Krytenia in penalties in the second round of World Cup XXIII, prognosticators might be talking about a match between Sarzonia and Krytenia as a mismatch. But the Stars will be facing a genuinely hostile crowd for the first time and a motivated Aces side that has parlayed its home field advantage like few host nations have done. The Stars have benefitted from being able to play in the same venue throughout the first and second rounds, but temporary headquarters in a host nation do not equal a home match, which the Aces will have.

(19) Total 'n Utter Insanity
If any one team could be considered the Cinderella side of this World Cup, it would be Total 'n Utter Insanity. The team came into this World Cup finals stage ranked 19th in the world and in their one recent foray as the world's top ranked side, the team didn't even advance to the second round, dropping all three matches of the groups stage in World Cup XXII, eventually won by Sarzonia. Like the other three teams in this World Cup semifinals round, the Insanicans have faced Sarzonia before, playing to a 2-1-1 record against Sarzonia, including the Stars' only second round loss in World Cup play. However, a meeting between these two sides would be the first since Sarzonia folded its Under 21 national side in protest over their football association's treatment of Pacitalia.

PREDICTIONS

SEMIFINALS
1:2 Krytenia-Sarzonia. The Aces get on the board first and apply constant pressure to Stars keeper Horace Sandt, but the Wilson lads strike late to disappoint the homestanding Kryties and lead a supremely motivated Stars side into the finals.

4:3 Liverpool England-Total 'n Utter Insanity. A back and forth battle ensues as the Terminators are motivated to earn revenge against a T'nUI side that labelled theirs as the most annoying team in football. The Terminators are just too good for Total 'n Utter Insanity and earn a trip to the World Cup finals for the first time since their halcyon days of World Cup VIII.

THIRD PLACED PLAYOFF
2:0 Krytenia-Total 'n Utter Insanity. The two Cinderella sides battle it out for third place and Krytenia proves to be slightly better when it's all said and done. If nothing else, this match makes a statement that Krytenia belongs among the better sides in the football world.

CHAMPIONSHIP FINAL
1:0 Sarzonia-Liverpool England. Horace Sandt leads the team in the final Stars match under Dave Wilson's stewardship and the Stars cement their status in the upper echelon of football teams with their second world championship in three Cups.

Bedistan

20-09-2005, 17:34

"Crap."

Bedistan Football Association president Sam Bacon's remark was strangely mild for the occasion. After all, he'd just seen his nation's team unceremoniously booted from the World Cup in the worst possible way, with a loss to Liverpool England.

"What is wrong, sir?" BFA vice-president Omario Gestio was fairly certain he knew the answer to that question, but decided that politeness was still the order of the day.

"I don't know who the slani hell to support in the World Cup now," Bacon stated.

Gestio fumbled a bit for an answer, but ultimately had none.

"I mean, just look at the remaining teams," Bacon began. "There's Liverpool England, which no Bedistani in his right mind would ever cheer for, even if we hadn't just been beaten by them. And there's Sarzonia, which is becoming just as much of an evil overpowering force as Rejistania was a few Cups back." He paused for a second. "I kind of like Krytenia, to be honest, but I can't cheer for them either."

"Why not?" To Gestio, Bacon's last statement seemed to defy logic.

"Mar, they're the hosts. If I were to declare that I wanted the hosts to win it all, there'd be accusations of bribery and match-fixing left, right, and center. If I want to keep my job and maintain the integrity of the Association, I can't do that."

"But there is who else?" Gestio, Pedrian by birth, had never quite mastered English grammar.

"Total n Utter Insanity."

"Eslane." Likewise, Gestio's Rejistanian pronunciation wasn't spectacular either.

Bacon heaved a sigh. "Sometimes you've gotta do what you've gotta do..."

----

In the next morning's Bedistan Sports Digest:

BFA throws support behind TnUI

GRACEVILLE -- In a move that can only be described as shocking, Bedistan Football Association president Sam Bacon officially declared the Association's support of Total n Utter Insanity to win World Cup 24...

Michael Sticklandttttt

20-09-2005, 18:58

Michael Sticklandttttt seems to have been droped from the cup in a shock desion I have yet to see my name in any groups. If I am in this cup could somebody please telegram me.

Bedistan

20-09-2005, 19:16

OOC:

Michael Sticklandttttt seems to have been droped from the cup in a shock desion I have yet to see my name in any groups. If I am in this cup could somebody please telegram me.

That would be because you signed up for World Cup 25, not 24. WC25 will probably start in a week or two.

Bedistan

20-09-2005, 19:33

http://bellsouthpwp.net/h/a/harleyt_1387/bsd_banner.png

Davidson sacked

GRACEVILLE -- The only person ever to win a World Cup while managing the Bedistan national football team, Mike Davidson, was removed from his managing position by Bedistan Football Association president Sam Bacon today. In a press conference at 13:00 this afternoon, Bacon made the announcement, citing "an unacceptable decline in performance".

No replacement has been named at this time, and Bacon refused to answer any questions regarding potential candidates. We will bring you more on this story as the information arrives.

Sarzonia

20-09-2005, 19:47

Owens makes shock offer

New Osteria, Krytenia (ASP) -- Even though he is currently the top assistant of the Sarzonian national football team, Barry Owens is also the heir apparent to legendary Coach Dave Wilson. He has been named by the Incorporated Football Federation as the new head coach of the Stars when Wilson leaves to assume the head coaching position in Hypocria.

With an eye toward possibly establishing his own stamp on the Stars, Owens contacted former Bedistani national team coach Mike Davidson about the soon-to-be vacant top assistant coaching position.

"I can confirm that upon the release of Mike Davidson from his coaching contract with the Bedistani national football programme, I have contacted Mr. Davidson about the associate head coaching position," Owens said in a hastily-assembled press conference at the Stars' temporary headquarters in Krytenia. "I believe that a head coach who has taken his team to three straight semifinal appearances in the World Cup and one who led his team to a championship would be an excellent fit on the Stars' bench."

Owens said the move comes as a result of assistant coach Chris Trautwig's decision to migrate with Wilson to serve as the Hyppos' top assistant coach. He said he wanted an associate head coach to be his, "right hand man."

"I want someone to have the same kind of relationship with me that I had with Dave Wilson," Owens said. "If Mike Davidson becomes my associate head coach, he will have every opportunity to give his feedback. I'm willing to listen to whomever when it comes to the direction I want this team to go into."

Owens wouldn't answer questions from reporters who asked if he'd consider stepping aside for Davidson to serve as head coach.

"Right now, I'm supposed to take over after Dave leaves," Owens said. "I don't see that changing right now, but we've seen that anything can happen."

Liverpool England

21-09-2005, 08:05

Terminators face Insanicians in match to decide fate of manager Freech

Liverpool England Terminators manager Douglas Freech has said he would resign from his job if the Terminators failed to make the WC24 final. Freech, whose contract runs till the end of World Cup 26 Qualifying, made the bold announcement on the Sports Liverpool England television network's dedicated Terminators LIVE programme.

"I am saying it on LIVE TV - I will quit my job if we don't make it to the final. Total n Utter Insanity are never easy, but on our current form we should easily get past them. I don't forsee a problem, and am willing to stick my neck out on the line for it."

Freech went on to say he would like to face Sarzonia in the final. "They claimed the trophy on our soil (during World Cup 22). We'd like to have it back." If the Terminators' manager carries out his threat, he would be the sixth manager of the past seven to leave the post before his contract runs out. The only exception was now-incoming FALE chief Syku Lyku, who rejected an extension after being knocked out in World Cup 22's second round. His contract had been set to expire immediately after elimination.

Probable Liverpool England Lineup (4-3-3):
Lewis/Habi/Khonon/Davies/Dennis/Tyshenko/Stewart/O'Reilly/Yukon/Al-Habjd/Brown
(Manager: Douglas Freech. Probable Subs: Canway, Lunson, Yuriyshin, Dawson, Haitan)

Freech for Bedistan?

Rumours have begun surfacing around Liverpool England after Douglas Freech's public threat to resign from the job. Many people think that Freech is preparing for a job switch to Liverpool England's old, traditional rivals, Bedistan, whom the Terminators beat to reach the semifinals.

"Freech most be croizy, mate," Colin Sprelig, a Spaamanian by birth who runs a CCL bar, "thinking oif leaving to Bedistan, oif all oif 'em!" Sprelig's views were even backed by high-ranking FALE officials, who declined to be named.

However, FALE chairman Gareth Dussis insists that Freech will not begoin anywhere, and he is backed up by incoming chairman Syku Lyku. "Douglas is essential to this team. We've prospered under him. This is the best we've done in thirty years (since WC17, when the team finished fourth - something that is guaranteed to happen, at the very least, in this cup), and it's been mainly his doing."

When asked about it, Freech told reporters nonchalantly, "I've got two things on my mind - winning the World Cup, and getting Lopinka back into the Stellar (the top Vilitan league). Anything else at this point is pure rubbish."

Starblaydia

21-09-2005, 12:22

"Well there's a Semi-final lineup to inspire..." Robb searched for the right word, "boredom."

"Ah," Khim said, making Robb unsure as to whether his thick Dwarven accent meant 'I', 'ahh, I see', 'crap' or any other of a thousand different inferrences, "Ah were bored after t'Group Stage, ye ken?"

Robb tossed the paper onto the table in front of Khim and went back to making a pot of tea. Khim could tell, however, that Robb was about to say something. He kept his bearded Dwarven mouth shut for a few moments to drag the words out of Robb's mouth. Sitting in a hotel diining room in The Maccabees waiting for a Futsal tournament was not the most exciting of passtimes.

"It's just there's practically zero outside interest for these Semis," Robb said finally, pouring the near-boiling water into the pot, "I mean, what do you care about any of the countries still in?"

'Ah cares a bit," Khim said.

Robb let the tea stew for a moment before continuing. "Okay, let's go through the draw, top to bottom and I'll demostrate how no-one gives a rat's ass."

"Be mah guest."

"Right," Robb said, sitting down quickly on the chair, he'd obviously been itching to get this off his chest, "first, take Total n Utter Insanity..."

"Say 'Tunooie'," Khim suggested, "tis easier."

"Okay, TnUI," Robb agreed, "who give's a flying f-, uh, fish about them? They may be old and mental but they barely ever say anything, for crying out loud. No human interest at all. Or Dwarven, for that matter."

"They host t'Under-21 World Cup," Khim offered, "gotta count fer summat."

"Only because you're the Under-21s manager. Now, Liverpool England. They're almost as silent, and twice as boring. They thought that thirteen year-old Tommy Nixon was eighteen, for crying out loud."

"He is big fer his age, Roberto," Khim said. Being the Manager of young Tricky Tommy in the Starblaydi Under-21s gave him his own perspective.

"Be quiet, Khim," Robb interrupted, "to you, anyone over five feet is tall."

"Aye, tis true."

"Besides," Robb continued, "one of those two teams is going to be in the World Cup Final, for... Fish's sake. Can't be having that. Now, the other half..."

"In t'name of Grungi please don't start that bloomin' Sarzonian diatribe again, laddie, we've heard it before, way too many bloody times."

"Okay, okay," Robb held up his hands, "Sarzonia: excellent results but boring as hell. Right, now Krytenia. The Kryties in the Semis of their own tournament? Oh, puh-lease that's way too obvious, the Kryties are crap, end of."

"That's yer analysis of t'Semis, eh?"

"Yup."

"Grrreat." Khim sighed. "Glad you got that off your chest. Tea's ready."

Sarzonia

21-09-2005, 16:56

Stars come up Aces

Bromham, Krytenia (ASP) -- In a World Cup that has been remarkable for its unpredictability and facing a sold out Mercia Stadium loaded to the brim with hostile fans, the Sarzonian national team knew better than to underestimate 16th ranked Krytenia in the World Cup semifinals.

After goalkeeper Horace Sandt allowed two goals in a match for the first time since Sarzonia's 2-0 loss to Rejistania in the World Cup XXIII semifinals, he finally redeemed himself by converting a penalty kick in sudden death and saving his counterpart's bid, giving Sarzonia a 9-8 margin of victory after the penalties round after playing to a 2-2 draw after regulation and extra time.

Sarzonia (18-2-0) advances to its second championship final in three World Cups after a second straight penalty kick round victory over the Aces, who might be wondering what they have to do to defeat the Stars. The Stars face the winner of the Liverpool England-Total 'n Utter Insanity match for the right to hoist another World Cup trophy.

"I don't know if I can take any more excitement," Coach Dave Wilson joked after the game. "This was a game for the history books, and we are very fortunate to end up the winners against a tough, tough Krytenia side."

Sarzonia are fortunate after falling behind 2-0 after Sandt conceded two ugly goals just 12 minutes in, with Phillip Neasden scoring both goals, including the first one just 95 seconds after the opening kickoff. Wilson said he "never, not for one second," considered pulling Sandt for reserve goalkeeper Harvey Cooley.

"Sandt has been the hot goalkepeer for the past three World Cups. I'm not just going to yank a guy for one bad game. Period."

His faith in Sandt, which looked like a pathetic display of loyalty through a shaky first half in which he only made one save and found himself caught out of position on several crosses, was affirmed in the second half when he played like the stellar goalkeeper he has been through the last three Cups. He made five saves in the 75 minutes between the second half kickoff and the two 15 minute extra time periods.

But Sandt's heroic second half would have gone for naught if it weren't for Kevin Wilson. The younger brother of one of Sarzonia's few superstar-calibre players, he aggressively pursued the ball in the Krytenian with the Aces trying to slow the ball down, leading to a penalty kick converted by older brother Brian that cut the Aces' lead to 2-1 at the 78th minute mark. With one minute of second half stoppage expired, Kevin Wilson took matters onto his own right boot, intercepting a cross from goalkeeper James Barcali and lofting the ball over the charging goalkeeper to draw the match level at 2-2.

Despite Sarzonia's attempts to switch to an attacking 3-4-3 formation, the Aces managed to keep the Stars off the scoreboard whilst Sandt denied Krytenia's bids to send the locals home happy. However, the Kryties seemed to play for penalty kicks rather than try to take it to the Stars, and a pitched penalty round saw both teams go back and forth until the 11th round, leaving it up to the goalkeepers.

Sandt, who hadn't tried a penalty kick "since secondary school," fired toward the middle of the net after leaning to his right, fooling Barcali and putting the Stars up 9-8. Then, Sandt had to stop Barcali to ensure victory for the Stars. Sandt guessed to his left and parried away Barcali's shot, setting off a wild celebration amongst the Stars sideline and field players. Even Dave Wilson, a veteran of each of the nine World Cup campaign the Stars had participated in since the team's inception, jumped up and down excitedly as two players dunked a bucket of ice water on their veteran coach.

"We've got one more match for all the marbles," Dave Wilson said. "That's all you can ask for."

Krytenia

21-09-2005, 21:41

thsd:NEWS

Four Mor Years Of Hurt...

SARZONIANS and penalties, eh? For the second World Cup in succession, Krytenia and Sarzonia met in the knockout stages. Once again, Krytenia took the lead, and once again they were pegged back and eliminated on penalties.

Krytenia (4-2-0 in normal time, for our Sarzonian viewers) at least this time have a chance to redeem themselves after their defeat. They're off to Moorestown (formerly Mawr) in Druida to attempt to defeat Insanicia* at the Hole.

We would normally have a full match report here, but to be perfectly honest, we're too depressed that the first World Cup Finals on Krytenian soil will be between Sarzonia and Liverpool England. Stay at home. Better yet, join us in Druida!

KRYTENIA - 2 (6)
Neasden 2, 12

SARZONIA - 2 (7)
B Wilson 78, K Wilson 90+1

TOURNAMENT SCORERS
G Kennedy - 6
P Neasden - 5
K Keda - 2
N Caraiani - 1
L Lovitz - 1
S Persson - 1

SCHEDULE
R1: H v SQU D 2-2 (Davis Memorial Stadium, Everton City)
R1: H V FCN W 2-1(Davis Memorial Stadium, Everton City)
R1: H v SPR W 3-1 (Davis Memorial Stadium, Everton City)
R2: H v TDJ W 3-2(Sixways Stadium, Avidia)
QF: H v OAK W 4-3(Oxley Park, Everton City)
SF: H v SRZ D 2-2 (6-7 pens)(Mercia Stadium, Bromham)
3PPO: N v TUI (The Hole, Moorestown)

Insanicia = Krytenian name for TnUI

Sarzonia

22-09-2005, 14:57

Stars hope to add to Wilson's spoils

The farewell tour for Sarzonia national team coach Dave Wilson has one final act before he assumes his new role as the manager of the Hypocrian national side. The Stars (18-2-0) face Liverpool England in a World Cup final that few observers might have expected given the circumstances.

"It's been a long, treacherous road to get here," Wilson said. "This World Cup season has been one of the most difficult times of my tenure in Sarzonia."

That's saying a lot. For a head coach who's seen his team fall short of World Cup qualifying on the last matchday to a man who assumed the head coaching job under trying circumstances, Wilson has been no stranger to heartache as a member of the Stars coaching staff.

He was a young assistant coach content to work his way up the ranks under his good friend Bryan Marshall when the first-ever Stars coach was killed in an automobile accident during Sarzonia's disasterous Cup of Harmony IX appearance. All of a sudden, a man who wasn't sure he wanted to be the national team's head coach was thrust into the spotlight.

"There's just no way you can prepare yourself for that," he said. "You can go to all the coaching seminars and be an assistant coach for 30 years and feel like you've seen everything this game can throw at you, but when someone dies, it just hits home. Especially since Bryan and I were very close."

Wilson was the team's top assistant coach, recently removed from his playing days in Isselmere-Nieland's second division where he was a scrappy midfielder known more for his defensive grit than his offensive prowess, only scoring two goals in 83 league matches when he got the call from Marshall to serve as his assistant coach when Sarzonia was organising a team of "weekend footballers" to play in the team's inaugural competition, the first-ever AOCAF tournament. Even though Wilson had never earned a coaching credential, he said yes right away.

Sarzonia placed a surprising third, defeating Crystilakere in the team's inaugural match 3-2, then entered the Baptism of Fire Cup where the Stars went 6-0-0 en route to its first of three championships. With Bryan Marshall coordinating the team's attacking offence, Dave Wilson was content to run a "balls to the wall" defensive strategy that gave the team a chance to win a lot of matches. And win they did, coming within two matches of the group stage title in their first-ever World Cup appearance and coming within a playoff of advancing in their second.

But Wilson's world changed when he got the call that fateful morning of the Stars' bye in the Cup of Harmony. After organisational difficulties and a SARS epidemic in the country, the tournament was moved out of Sarzonia and into Rejistania, where the Stars came out flat and lost two straight matches. Little did Wilson know, the losses would be the least of the team's troubles.

"I got the call at 8:13 that morning. I'd just gotten to the training facility and Betty [Longley, the team's secretary] came in with tears streaming down her face. She was so upset she couldn't speak. Before long, Wilson was searching for the right words himself.

"All of a sudden, I felt like I had to be strong for everyone on the team, but I could have used some consolation myself," he said. "And all of a sudden, I had to face the team and tell them about Bryan's death and then try to prepare us to play a football game a couple of days later."

Wilson said he told the team and cancelled practice that day and declared his office would have an "open door" policy for any players who wanted to talk about the loss. He said he leaned on his son Brian, the team's star forward and onetime captain, for support.

"Bri's been my rock when I've needed him, and I mean that in a way you can't limit to the pitch," Dave Wilson said. "I leaned on him, he leaned on Kevin. I wonder how Kevin handled it all."

"That's just Dad's temperament," Brian Wilson said. "He put up a brave front but I know deep down he was hurting. He just wanted to show the team that we could all grieve together."

The team did that and pulled together to beat Kylaai 3-1 to keep their hopes alive in the Cup of Harmony, but those hopes were snuffed out with a 4-0 loss to Big Pimento. The team quickly named Dave Wilson the new head coach in an effort to maintain unity with a team that had lost its mentor. After one Cup of Harmony appearance that resulted in a title, the Stars have advanced to the World Cup finals ever since.

But this season, a campaign that was meant to be more about a sending off of a footballing legend was fraught with turmoil. From a declaration of war by Pantera that sent the 2.4 million citizens of Woodstock into underground shelters and the government to Saugerties to political tensions that threatened to turn to all out war against Commerce Heights to a sudden pursuit of the Hypocria coaching position, the Stars had distractions heaped upon them in a second half that saw the Stars receive their only blemishes, two draws.

Even more so than Wilson's sudden change of heart about his impending retirement, the reaction of former striker Barry Alphonso to his coach's decision to resume his coaching career in Hypocria threatened to tear the team apart. Citing "betrayal," Alphonso lashed out at Wilson, causing the coach to kick him of the team. He is still not welcomed back.

"Barry had a wonderful career in a Stars uniform, but he blew it," assistant coach Barry Owens, who will become the Stars' field boss after the final against Liverpool England said. "I felt bad because he was my teammate when our team first started out, but we couldn't have someone like that be a locker room cancer."

Alphonso declined to comment for this story, but said in a press release, "I wish Dave Wilson the best of luck in his final match for Sarzonia. Go Stars!"

Gregory Vidal, one of the two assistant coaches Dave Wilson will have with the Hyppos, will sit on the bench with assistant coach Chris Trautwig and Owens. Trautwig, who had been an assistant coach for the Stars since World Cup XXII qualifying, and Vidal will serve with Dave Wilson in Hypocria. Owens is still searching for an assistant coach and has offered the job to former Bedistan national team manager Mike Davidson.

"I want to give Gregory a chance to work with me in game conditions and get a chance to observe things a little bit," Dave Wilson said. "I also want him to be there with us if we're able to beat Liverpool England as a representative of Hypocria. We've been told they're cheering for us, so we want to give them a chance to enjoy this one before the hard work begins."

After a World Cup that some have said is among the most unpredictable in history, the Stars and the Terminators have ended up on the game's greatest stage with one World Cup trophy already in their collection looking to add to their mantlepieces.

For Liverpool England, their glory came in World Cup VIII, long before System Karela or many of the trappings of modern day football that have become legion. Sarzonia's title came on Liverpool England's home grounds two Cups ago. Whichever team wins will establish itself as one of the true elites of the world, but Dave Wilson isn't worried about the history books after compiling a record of 94-24-24 in his long tenure in Sarzonia.

"You win one World Cup and you're part of history," he said. "They can't take away the fact that we've won a World Cup. But going to Hypocria with a second World Cup title would be a nice capper to this phase of my career."

For Dave Wilson, the future holds a fresh challenge, of bringing promising Hypocria into the World Cup finals, but it's a challenge he feels will be worth the risk.

"They've got a lot of promise, and I think they'll be an outstanding side before long. My prediction is that one day, I'll be facing Sarzonia in the World Cup finals as Hypocria's coach."

It may be a long time before that prediction comes true, but for Dave Wilson, his dream isn't over. For David Wayne Wilson, the dream has just begun.

Druida

22-09-2005, 18:00

The Daily Druid

SECRET ATTACK AT SEMI
By Bill Posters

The Keep Druida Drunk paramilitaries had a little trick up their sleeves at the World Cup Semi-Final between Liverpool England and Total n Utter Insanity at The Hole in Moorestown.

Before the start of the match, they used the now infamous water-flavoured beer, and dropped it out of the sky. It gave the impression that the rain already falling was just getting a little heavier. The Liverpool English amongst the crowd barely noticed the difference, while the Insanicians almost seemed to enjoy the whole thing somewhat.

However, for the Druidan neutrals, just these meerest hints of alcohol were enough to send them off the wagon. It lead to drunken behaviour all across the Moorestown area, with many arrests made for breaching the peace and urinating in public. The latter was an odd one, as that actually isn't an offence in Druida.

It isn't just these major public events that are being sabotaged. In Dave in north-eastern Druida, a small army of around fifteen hundred has been set up, calling themselves the "Booze Missile" Army, fighting for their right to drink. Public support in the north-east is growing, with similar, but smaller, forces taking shape in Trevor, Garth, Tony and Bob. Support is also taking shape in both New Europan capital Neodzki and in the Zobordi area of the country, though not yet on the same scale as the northerners.

For reports on the game itself, and to see who will be travelling to Krytenia to face Sarzonia in the final, and read the reports of Liverpool Englands win, turn to our sports section.

Liverpool England

23-09-2005, 10:01

"Good afternoon, and welcome to SLE. You're watching Football Preview: World Cup Final edition. We're building up to tonight's World Cup Twenty-Four final between the Sarzonia Stars and the Liverpool England Terminators. It's the first time since World Cup Eight, in Bedistan and Oglethorpia, that Liverpool England are in a World Cup Final - that's sixteen cups - over half a century! Sarzonia were in one, on Liverpool England soil, less then eight years ago. Tonight, the two teams meet on the pitch in Krytenia - and we're LIVE from our Nova Mercian bureau. I'm Mike Brown, and today we'll be previewing the game with Syku Lyku."

"Let's take a look at how the teams got here."

<graphic>
Sarzonia - Liv.England
2:0 Lovisa GP1 Commerce Heights 2:0
1:0 EL CID THE HERO GP2 Rejistania 0:1
2:0 Caprine States GP3 Fmjphoenix 1:1
2:1 Jeruselem R2 Audioslavia 1:0
2:0 Turori QF Bedistan 2:1
7:6 Krytenia (pens) SF TnU. Insanity (pens) 5:4

"Sarzonia had a relatively easy path to the final, compared to Liverpool England. Of the teams Sarzonia faced, the only names that jump out are Jeruselem, Turori, and Krytenia. However, all of Liverpool England's opponents are established World Cup nations, which include a future World Cup host - Fmjphoenix. Both teams made it to the final after penalty shootouts; an indication, perhaps, SyLy?"

"I doubt so. Both teams will have the fire in them to go all out for the win. Neither team would want to sit back and defend - they can't afford to. When you compare the two, Liverpool England have scored seven goals - Sarzonia have scored eleven. Liverpool England have conceded just four; Sarzonia, an even more impressive three. Both teams will have to be on top form to get anything past the other."

"All right, let's take a look at the highlights from the Liverpool England - Total n Utter Insanity semi final."

<highlights>
Commentator 1: O'Reilly, on the right. Lunson's cut into the centre, here comes the cross! Lunson! Goal!
Commentator 2: Looked offside to me... the ref's gone across to talk to his assistant!
C1: He's given it... the ref's given it. The Insanicians are going mad.

<studio>
"SyLy?"

"Poor call from the ref there, it was offside, and shouldn't have been given. You'll notice the Insanician defender running out of the goalline on the far side, into touch - he's not on the field - the Lunson's offside."

"And the Insanician goal, which we can't seem to find coverage of."

"Well taken. Beautifully placed free kick. Pity they lost, they deserved to win."

"Well then, predicition for tonight?"

"Liverpool England to win, odd goal."

Sarzonia

23-09-2005, 19:40

Stars can't finish in coach's finale

Everton City, Krytenia (ASP) -- For all the talk about the Sarzonian national football team's efforts toward giving Coach Dave Wilson a World Cup trophy in his last-ever appearance as the team's field manager and for all the controversy the team overcame, the team couldn't overcome its finals obstacle, losing 2-1 in extra time to Liverpool England in the World Cup XXIV final.

Liverpool England came into the World Cup finals group stage as the seventh ranked team in the world and Sarzonia retained its number one ranking despite the loss, but the Terminators ended their 15 tournament World Cup championship drought with their first victory in the Finals since beating Bedistan in World Cup VIII's championship match.

"There's no greater feeling than winning a world championship and there's no worse feeling than losing a world title match," Wilson said. He would know. His team enjoyed the ultimate in highs by demolishing the Oaker Sharks 4-0 in the World Cup XXII finals to snatch the top ranking for the first time. Now, it has felt the lowest low.

For the Stars (18-2-1), the loss ends the Sarzonian career of Wilson on a sour note after a long career that saw him notch 94 victories at the helm of the Sarzonian national team. He also has been the bench boss for two of Sarzonia's three international trophies, with his predecessor Bryan Marshall guiding the team to the Baptism of Fire Cup that preceded World Cup XVI. Even with the sting of defeat to Liverpool England fresh on his mind, he congratulated his old team on its efforts throughout his tenure.

"This team has been through everything imaginable since I first started as an assistant coach," he said. "This is one of the hardest working teams in the world and it's a team I've been proud of being with almost from Day One. I've been here when we first started and we were a 'bunch of weekend footballers,' and now we're still considered the best team in the world. No one can take away the hard work and the accomplishments we've had since I came here."

As the final whistle sounded and the Terminators bench erupted with celebration and a pileup in the middle of the pitch began with Stars players standing around stunned, Wilson hugged assistant coach and immediate successor Barry Owens. He didn't answer whether that was consolation for losing the final or for his departure from the team he coached for so long. He didn't have to.

"This team is going to be in good hands after I'm gone," Wilson said. "Barry's going to do a great job. Just you watch."

As for the game itself, Sarzonia couldn't hold onto a 1-0 lead it got courtesy of a Darwin Russell free kick in the 34th minute after forward Brian Wilson was fouled just outside the 18 yard box. The Terminators were determined to mark Brian Wilson and brother Kevin tightly and aggressively to keep Dave Wilson's sons from beating them. The Terminators notched 38 fouls to Sarzonia's 17, but used their skill to equalise the match in the 77th minute. A perfect wall pass left Lunson umarked and he made the defence pay with a goal past Horace Sandt.

Lunson struck again courtesy of a header off a free kick in the final seconds of injury time play as the teams played in stoppage time. Before Sandt could reach in and retrieve the ball for the Stars to try a desperation rally, the whistle came. Sarzonia's chance to become only the fifth team to win more than one World Cup trophy ended in failure.

But failure wasn't the central theme of the day for these Stars. The foremost thought on their mind was saying goodbye to a man who saw their programme through the tough times of Cup of Harmony IX and everything else between then and now and led the team to a world title and the number one ranking.

"It's going to be strange not seeing Dave Wilson with that whistle in his mouth at training," team captain Russell said. "It's going to be strange looking over at the bench and seeing Barry in that far right seat."

"We wish Dave the best of luck," Owens said. "I know I do. It's going to be a challenge facing his Hypocria sides. He's going to get that team moving in the right direction before long. Mark my words."

Krytenia

24-09-2005, 01:04

thsd:NEWS

If, If, If...

KIPLING and journalism collide in the review of Krytenia's seven game folly into the World Cup finals.

If you can keep your head when all about you
Are losing theirs and blaming it on you,
Tom Porter, reacted so well to his Oaker faux pas.
If you can trust yourself when all men doubt you,
But make allowance for their doubting too;
Phillip Neasden, a massive asset to the Krytenian team, despite the injury crisis.
If you can wait and not be tired by waiting,
Or being lied about, don't deal in lies,
Marcus Pironi, not as jealous as some would have you believe. Filled in well for Goodley.
Or being hated, don't give way to hating,
And yet don't look too good, nor talk too wise:
Stuart Persson - it isn't easy being the captain...
If you can dream – and not make dreams your master;
If you can think – and not make thoughts your aim;
If you can meet with Triumph and Disaster
And treat those two impostors just the same;
If you can bear to hear the truth you've spoken
Twisted by knaves to make a trap for fools,
Happy retirement, Mr Munitis. Well done.
Or watch the things you gave your life to, broken,
And stoop and build 'em up with worn-out tools:
Message to the KFA - get a good replacement. Or we may have to bring Alan back...
If you can make one heap of all your winnings
And risk it on one turn of pitch-and-toss,
And lose, and start again at your beginnings
And never breathe a word about your loss;
James Barcali: Hero to zero and back again.
If you can force your heart and nerve and sinew
To serve your turn long after they are gone,
And so hold on when there is nothing in you
Except the Will which says to them: "Hold on!"
The entire Krytenian team, 3-0 down to Oaker and with ten minutes to go...
If you can talk with crowds and keep your virtue,
Or walk with Kings – nor lose the common touch,
Karim Isserson, still demands respect at the age of ninety-eight.
If neither foes nor loving friends can hurt you,
If all men count with you, but none too much;
To those heartbroken by the agony of penalties...again...
If you can fill the unforgiving minute
With sixty seconds' worth of distance run,
Yours is the Earth and everything that's in it,
And – which is more – you'll be a Man, my son!
And so to Gabe Kennedy, Golden boot and THSD Man Of The Tournament.

We'll see you for the build up to the Silver Jubilee World Cup, but for now, it's farewell from Druida and World Cup 24, and congratulations to Liverpool England.

KRYTENIA - 2
Kennedy 37, Kader 80

INSANICIA - 1
TnUI Player 54

TOURNAMENT SCORERS
G Kennedy - 7
P Neasden - 5
K Keda - 2
N Caraiani - 1
L Lovitz - 1
O Kader - 1
S Persson - 1

SCHEDULE
R1: H v SQU D 2-2 (Davis Memorial Stadium, Everton City)
R1: H V FCN W 2-1 (Davis Memorial Stadium, Everton City)
R1: H v SPR W 3-1 (Davis Memorial Stadium, Everton City)
R2: H v TDJ W 3-2 (Sixways Stadium, Avidia)
QF: H v OAK W 4-3 (Oxley Park, Everton City)
SF: H v SRZ D 2-2 (6-7 pens) (Mercia Stadium, Bromham)
3PPO: N v TUI W 2-1 (The Hole, Moorestown, Druida)

NationStates Jolt Archive

World Cup XXIV: DK/KD - The RP thread - Page 3