NationStates Jolt Archive

Conures back on track with victory

Hurfordia got back to winning ways tonight, as they beat the South Packerlands 2-1.

A disappointing half-capacity crwd in Ravenna witnessed a largely forgettable game. A poor first half saw most of the play in the middle third of the pitch. The first chance came in the 31st minute, as a fast break down the left flank allowed Sulla space to cross. Holsworthy met the ball at pace and thrashed it into the top corner with a rocket of a header.

The game was made safe just before half time, as Hurfordia pressurised the Packerlanders with a succession of corners. They were all successfully defended, until Sulla took a new approach, playing the ball low and hard to the edge of the box. Stimpson's shot hit a defender and bounced loose to Denning, who powered the ball into the top corner from a narrow angle. m2-0 at half time.

The second half returned to the scrappy midfield slog of the first half. The Packerlands never really put pressure on Hurfordia. The only notable moment was the first own-goal in Hurfordian history, as Horvath over hit a pass back to the goalkeeper in the 85th minute. The ball unexpectedly bounced off a bump in the turf, Sedley's boot hit nothing but air, and the ball trickled agonisingly into the net.

Team:
Sedley; Byrne, Johnston, Horvath, Woods; Lebrun, Denning, Sulla; Holsworthy, Sargeant, Stimpson

Scorers;
Holsworthy 31', Denning 45'

Harlesburg on top.
Harlesburg 2 Finrods 1

Harlesburg after another hard fought Home win this time against Finrods find themselves on top of the Group 4 with a 4 wins 1 Draw no losses record keeping in mind their first match was a hard fought draw and the next two matches for Harlesburg are the two top ranked teams in the group Fmjphoenix ranked 25 and Starblaydia ranked 6 in the world.

The Harlesburg Coach had this to say.
"We are absolutly thrilled with our last 4 wins but the real test comes in the next two games if we can get a win out of either of these games we will be in a solid place with a good foundation after all these two teams drew one all just recently.If we can achieve something similar it will be good and if we can steal a win it will be hightimes!"

Another surprise is the fact Finrods is currently sitting in second place in the group standings and if things continue at this rate one of the top tier teams is going to look rather foolish.
At this stage it looks like Starblaydia who are sitting back on 9 Competition points 4 off the lead and a win behind Finrods sitting in second but if both these teams lose next up the situation is rectified somewhat as Starblaydia may have only won twice they still havent lost and have the equal lowest goals record scored against them.

Finrods kept it close for the early stages of the game until the 24th minute when Harlesburg started to find space behind the midfield and exploited it cruely when Daniel Derrick in his second cup out paced his marker drawing another before passing to a rampant Jacob Treulrt who fired it back into the centre to find Lerrick Jones who connected with the ball on the fly but it was jabbed away by the keeper but only to the waiting foot of Hassim Salad who slotted it in past the helplessly prone figure of the Finrods Keeper.

Harlesbug came close to extending their lead in the 43rd minute when Hassim Salad tackled the ball carrier and left Defender Kirk Freeman to pounce and cleared it 34 metres away to a waiting Fredderick Roberts who after taking the ball from the half shot at goal but the rushing Keeper denied him as he tried to slip it under the Keeper a foolish move that cost a goal.

Finally in the 64th minute did Finrods reply and put that much needed something on the board when another communication breakdown between the back Four of Harlesburg left a naked Derrick Potter to fend for himself for the second game in a row and once again couldnt stop it crashing into the net.

Harlesburg’s however soon replied in the 66th minute when Leroy Brown was presented with a golden oppurtunity from a penalty kick to the left of the box after Jacob Treulrt was hacked down going for a gap.
He quickly took the kick which bet the wall and slid into the top of the Goal after deflecting down off the cross bar.

Harlesburg Goal Scorers
Hassim Salad 24th minute
Leroy Brown 66th minute

Group 4
Fixtures:
Matchday 1:Harlesburg 3v Naleloospalakintula 0
Matchday 2:Prince Aidan 1 v Harlesburg 1
Matchday 3:Harlesburg 5 v Tallionis 0
Matchday 4:Geisenfried 1 vHarlesburg 2
Matchday 5:Harlesburg 2v Finrods 1
Matchday 6: Fmjphoenix vHarlesburg
Matchday 7: Starblaydia vHarlesburg
Fixtures are reversed for matchdays 8-14.

Could it get worse?
3-0 loss brings urgently needed reforms

This was not planned and if it was then we wonder why! After Dissapointing draws against Lox Land Island and Shearer heaven, the Tigers now lost with a devastating 3-0 in Total n Utter Insanity. The last defeat of such 'size' is so long ago that even we couldnt remember it.
The performance of the Tadjik team was below normal, their defenses were full of holes and the strikers were seemingly unable to find the TnUI goal. A Experts believed the Tigers to be able to take a point home, or lose with a small difference in a strong match, now they believe Tadjikistan will fail to qualify and noone can disagree.

So the question is: where is the problem? Some say the players havent been playing as a team while others say the Coach is to be blamed. In an attempt to bring a change in the right direction, Micheal Frunze -Federation president- sacked Zhenya Luchinsky and hired Rezvon and Bahrom Sadirov in his stead.

The Sadirov Brothers, who managed FK Khujand, the team that did good during the Champions league, will have lots of work to do and problems to solve, but the team can still qualify.
About their new job Bahrom said :'We are not as ambitious as Luchinsky was but our goal is qualification, nothing less and nothing more. If we do fail to qualify then we will simply resign from our post. We admit that we have some luck, the federation did not wait until the boat sunk and intervened at a moment where we can still make a change.'
Why they already said that they would shake up the entire team, they were not sure whether new players would be selected to be in the starting eleven but neither did they exclude it ;'We'll have to look at the current team and make some changes, we are going to reform the whole team and alter their style. It will take time, thats why we would like to ask the fans and experts to wait for one or two matches to critisize us on our decisions. Even we do not know what the future will bring.'

Fixtures:
MD1: Tadjikistan - New Montreal States W 3-1
MD2: Shearer Heaven - Tadjikistan D 0-0
MD3: Tadjikistan - Taken Names W 2-0
MD4: Lox land Island - Tadjikistan D 1-1
MD5: Total n Utter Insanity - Tadjikistan L 3-0
MD6: Tadjikistan - Lethislavania
MD7: Spruitland - Tadjikistan
MD8: New Montreal States - Tadjikistan
MD9: Tadjikistan - Shearer Heaven
MD10:Taken Names - Tadjikistan
MD11:Tadjikistan - Lox Land Island
MD12:Tadjikistan - Total n Utter Insanity
MD13:Lethislavania - Tadjikistan
MD14:Tadjikistan - Spruitland

Group 3
Total n Utter Insanity 3 - 0 Tadjikistan
Lethislavania 1 - 2 Spruitland
Lox Land Island 1 - 0 Shearer Heaven
New Montreal States 1 - 0 Taken Names



Group 3 Pl W D L F A Pts GD
Total n Utter Insanity 5 4 1 0 11 3 13 +8
Spruitland 5 3 0 2 10 9 9 +1
Lethislavania 5 2 2 1 8 7 8 +1
New Montreal States 5 2 2 1 7 6 8 +1
Tadjikistan 5 2 2 1 6 5 8 +1
Shearer Heaven 5 1 2 2 5 7 5 -2
Lox Land Island 5 1 1 3 5 8 4 -3
Taken Names 5 0 0 5 3 10 0 -7

GRAHAM CITY SUN - Stars open Tough 3 with heartbreaking loss to Pedriana

GRAHAM CITY - The feeling after the Stars game against Pedriana was one of apprehension and worry. While the Stars played an excellent game all-around, one small mistake was capitalized on by Pedriana, while the Stars were unable to capitalize on many of the chances that they were presented with during the game. Captain Westley Stjepan said after the game, "We simply did not finish. Some of it was mere luck, like [Park]'s shot off the crossbar, but we just had sloppy finishes this game."

Many people, including myself, wonder what this will mean for the qualification effort of the Stars. With this loss to Pedriana, the Stars will have to make that much more of an effort against Nova Britannicus and Turori. Manager Gary Johnson said today in a press conference that, "We are still on track in our qeust to qualifying. Because Pedriana has had som many ties against squads we have beaten, I don't think that this will set us back one bit."

Pedriana got their goal in early on a mistake by sub Shae Gareth, whose clearing attempt was snagged by a Pedrianan forward, who went one on one with Darren Elliot, getting the start over Dylan Hughes after a bruised hamstring against Dauna Hills. After that though, the Stars put on the pressure, putting offensive middy Duncan Garret in for Jozef Gregor and Ray Jerold for Aleksander Konstadin. In last twenty-five minutes of the first half, the Stars recorded an incredible 83 percent ball possesion and twenty shots on goal. In the second half, Gary Park let his cannon of a foot go with two shots of the crossbar and post, and Iason Spyridon, coming off the hat trick against Dauna Hills, had two corners past the keeper only to be blocked by defenders.

PRE-GAME PREVIEW
Nova Britannicus [23] 1 - 1 The Lowland Clans[40]

This next game against Nova Britannicus will be key for the Stars morale, as well as their fans. If they are able to win, then the Stars should be able to cement their position as coming back to the top. All original starting eleven will be getting the starts in Nova Britannicus, with Dylan Hughes returned after that hamstring injury against Dauna Hills. Team doctors have said that the one week of rest will be fine, and that it should be no problem for the rest of the match.
Man to Watch: Iason Spyridon: after his unleashing against Dauna Hills, he has been playing great and is perhaps the most unsung hero on the Stars team.


Matchday 1: The Lowland Clans[40] 2 - 0 System Karela [-]
Matchday 2: Liverpoolian [-] 2 - 3 The Lowland Clans[40]
Matchday 3: The Lowland Clans[40] 2 - 0 Milchama [93]
Matchday 4: Dauna Hills [147] 0 - 3 The Lowland Clans[40]
Matchday 5: The Lowland Clans[40] 0 - 1 Pedriana [69]
Matchday 6: Nova Britannicus [23] vs. The Lowland Clans[40]
Matchday 7: Turori [9] vs. The Lowland Clans[40]
--------------------------------------------------
Matchday 8: System Karela [-] vs The Lowland Clans[40]
Matchday 9: The Lowland Clans[40] vs. Liverpoolian [-]
Matchday 10: Milchama [93] vs. The Lowland Clans[40]
Matchday 11: The Lowland Clans[40] vs. Dauna Hills [147]
Matchday 12: Pedriana [69] vs. The Lowland Clans[40]
Matchday 13: The Lowland Clans[40] vs. Nova Britannicus [23]
Matchday 14: The Lowland Clans[40] vs. Turori [9]

In a change to the advertised scorinator, the DFA present...

Qualifying Matchday Six (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showthread.php?p=9500581#post9500581)
Brought to you by Draylorn Foods Inc.


"To test the power of Draylorn Foods' new improved Takilan Brownies, we took two teams with no chance of qualifying and just three goals scored between them. We gave one team our old recipe brownies, and the other the improved Takilan Brownies. The results were conclusive...

Clavis 8 - 1 Zanziik

So if you want to be more attacking in your lifestyle, try Draylorn's Takilan Brownies, and we promise you, you won't look back!

Draylorn Foods Inc. assure us that no illegal substances are included in their products, and that they are safe for all to enjoy.

The scheduled scorinators, the KFA, will now present matchday eight, as that is the night of the DFA office party. Which lasts all the way until matchday 12.

Jeruselem Government News

Crusaders rebound - Crystils down!

Match day 4 for Group 7 in World Cup XXIV - 3 upsets but the Crystils cruised through. Any different on MD5? Yes.

Match of the day - Jeruselem vs Crystilakere. The top two clashed to see who was the best team after Crystilakere had beated Southern Manchester 3-0 and Jeruselem had lost to Ruventsoria 2-3. The game was packed out with keen anticipation between the fans, but the Crystil fans were expecting their team to win. In the end, WE WON. Yes, Jeruselem scored the only goal of the game late in the 2nd half after both teams went System Karela for a while, limiting real scoring opportunities. Jeruselem reclaim the #1 spot and Crystilakere get 2nd (no shame in that,too).

Now Hypocria - 3 losses so far. They took on Haperd in a do or die game, and WON. Hypocria won 2-1 and moved to 4th and Haperd, they are 2nd last.

Ruventsoria after their impressive MD4 win over Jeruselem, scraped a 1-0 over 0-0 Is Evil to keep 3rd spot and are only 2 points behind the Crystils, but expect the Crystils to win a few more games than the other teams.

Southern Manchester broke their bad run and got back into a winning way with a 3-2 win over Klakistany.

Group 7 is still tight with 4 points separating 3rd from last while the top 2 are now in double figure points and a super goal difference.

Group 7
Crystilakere 0 - 1 Jeruselem
Haperd 1 - 2 Hypocria
Ruventsoria 1 - 0 0-0 Is Evil
Klakistany 2 - 3 Southern Manchester


Group 7 Pl W D L F A Pts GD
Jeruselem 5 4 0 1 11 4 12 +7
Crystilakere 5 3 1 1 12 3 10 +9
Ruventsoria 5 2 2 1 9 8 8 +1
Hypocria 5 2 0 3 4 6 6 -2
Klakistany 5 2 0 3 6 10 6 -4
Southern Manchester 5 2 0 3 5 10 6 -5
Haperd 5 1 2 2 7 8 5 -1
0-0 Is Evil 5 1 1 3 3 8 4 -5

[OOC: Shouldn't that advert read Matchday 7?]

Stars assert themselves, win 4:0

WOODSTOCK (ASP) -- A lesser team would have worried about a letdown after an emotional 3-0 win over an archrival side they had never beaten previously. A lesser team would have looked at the first four matches of World Cup XXIV qualifying as a sign their dominance was nearing its end. A lesser team would have been excused for taking its match against a team struggling to earn a playoff position for granted.

But this is no ordinary team. This is Sarzonia, arguably the hardest-working team to occupy the world's top ranking. The Stars moved their record in Group 8 to 6-0-0 after throttling Caprine States 4-0 in front of a crowd of 51,206 in Bryan Marshall Stadium in Woodstock. They remained five points ahead of Commerce Heights for the top position in the group as the Capitalizts defeated Kylaai 1-0 at home.

"We still have eight matches to go," Coach Dave Wilson said. "We know the job's not done yet. This team has been doing an excellent job of doing what is necessary to win matches, even if sometimes, it's just barely enough. This may be the most determined side I have ever coached."

That's saying a lot for a Sarzonian team that made its reputation on being one of the most determined in all of football. Sarzonia are not known for having a galaxy of superstar players, but have made themselves famous as mostly a collection of above average individual players who become phenomenal when they don the Sarzonian kits. The style is often derided in Starblaydia as "boring," but these Stars don't care.

"Boring is what won us a World Cup," midfielder and team captain Darwin Russell said. "If it takes us being boring, we'll gladly be boring." As for Sarzonia's play in this final World Cup qualifying campaign of Dave Wilson's coaching career, the Stars offence may have induced slumbers in the first four matches of World Cup by scoring a total of seven goals after notching nearly 40 in 14 matches of the qualifying season for World Cup XXIII, but they've now scored seven goals in their past two matches.

"We've been playing well in general," said forward Brian Wilson (two goals). "We just weren't getting the rewards for our effort. Now shots that had been stopped by the woodwork or by a diving keeper are going into the net."

The one constant for the team in its first six matches has been the play of goalkeeper Horace Sandt. Whether he faces few shots, as he did against Caprine States (two shots on goal) or he faces a barrage of shots (against Brazillico), he's been equal to the task each time, to the tune of no goals conceded in six matches. Sandt has a team record of 10 consecutive games without a goal allowed, but he said he's not thinking about that or any other streaks.

"All I care about is winning matches and hoisting the World Cup," Sandt said. "Don't get me wrong. I love it when I can play well and contribute to the team's winning, but we want the full three points every time we go out there."

What We Hoped For!
2-2 Draw Keeps Hopes Up


Here is the teams that played



New Montreal States

GK Thibault
CB Jean Baptiste
CB Leblanc
LB Lecavalier
RB St-Paul
CM St-Jean
CM Bouchard
LM Pilon
RM Vaubain
CF Charest
CF Trudeau


The Magpies Of Shearer Heaven


GK-J.Marjoram
CB D.Perkins
CB A.Forsyth
LB A.Radoti
RB B.Lakkerston
CM B.Marjoram
CM S.Rutherford
RW I.Marjoram
LW A.Emre
CF A.Norton
CF (Captain) A.Shearer


Heres the highlights of the game


21st Minuite S.Rutherford Collapses from Tiredness(from Lox Land Match)And Magpies defence rush out to him,Referee dosent notice and Trudeau rushes in and pockets a top corner beauty(Rutherford Replaced by Corrigan)


35th Minuite
Corrigan Runs in sets Norton Up And Norton blasts it over(Barely!!)


42nd Minuite
Pilon makes run crosses a beauty in for Charest and Charest heads home.


49th Minuite
B.Marjoram plays through ball to Shearer Shearer flicks ball over Jean Baptistes Head And Smacks a volley which nestles in the top corner.



64th Minuite

Jean-Paul takes on defence And Shoots and Marjoram pulls of a lovely save


79th Minuite
Trudeau Runs up powers a shot and Marjoram tips it over


83rd minuite

B.Marjoram Runs into the box taking on the defence and blasts a lovely shot into the bottom corner


After the draw Shearer said
We wanted a draw and we got one and Rutherford was just tired from the games with Spruitland and Lox Land and i think we played well!

[OOC: Shouldn't that advert read Matchday 7?]

[OOC: No, Matchdays 6 (Tuesday) and 8 (Thursday) have swapped scorinators as I will in no way be available to scorinate then. I was already due to scorinate matchday 7 (Wednesday).]

The Daily Druid

CHEMINDUS "NOT WORRIED" BY DROP IN DRUG SALES
By Trevor Turner

World Cup 24 sponsors Chemindus are said to be "not in the slightest bit worried" that their latest drug Rosterthreadilookedatum was proving so unsuccessful in a number of areas of the world.

Chairman of the Organisation Trevor Chem stated, "For a start, the main purpose of our drug was only to allow people from all over the world to recognise international footballers that they might not otherwise know. The hair growth was only a side effect upon overdosing."

"Secondly, we are, since soberity set in, the biggest company in Druida. One failed new line in a couple of countries isn't going to bring the corporation top its knees. We've got so many lines in pharmaceuticals and other chemicals that we'll not lose much sleep."

Chem followed up this defiant announcement with another, more positive one. "Sales of our immunisation against va'karelas and va'takils, our so-called va'ccine, have been on the rise, with no less than three governments taking us up on the offer so far!"

PALADINS GET SOCKS KNOCKED OFF

Filon pissed as hell as Shearer Heaven earns draw with 7 minutes to play

SHEARER HEAVEN - Coach Jean-Rene Filon is as mad as hell right now. "I'm so f*cking pissed at that dipshit of a keeper I'm stuck with," said Filon. "That last goal was just too damn much. He got caught with his hands up his arse and look where we are now. TWO FRIGGIN POINTS HE LOST US! Everyone else...meh, they earned a 2-1 victory. They played like people who deserve a 2-1 victory. They would have got that well-earned 2-1 victory IF IT WASN'T FOR THAT EFFING KEEPER."

Any further interviews in the locker room were impossible as reporter after reporter backed away slowly, turned around and fled the scene.

As for the game, coach Filon just about summed it up. The players played well enough for a 2-1 win, especially Antoine Trudeau, whose scrambling play scored him one goal and gave him a couple near misses. But it was all thrown away by the incompetance of keeper Maxime Thibault, who only had 5 saves on the day and was lucky to have made 3 of them.

http://www.geocities.com/lifeobrien/bull.txt

Bulls Hold Bedistan
'Slaves use defensive 'chair' to fend off Lions

It may not have been the prettiest match ever, but it was a good one for the 'slaves. Coming into the game they had gathered just seven points from four games and were languishing in fourth place. They would leave Bedistan with merely one more point to add to that tally, but at least they kept in touch with the leaders.

Shivers were sent down many a spine during a close game with a few very good chances, but most of those special 'jingly' moments were reserved for the start of the game. The sight of the Audioslavia National Team (est. WC4) and the Bedistan National Team (est. WC5) lining up against each other in their world famous colours (blue shirts with green trim for the Bedistanis, claret and green stripes for the Audioslavians) was enough to get the old hairs on the back of the neck bristling, such is the wealth of history between the two teams.

They didn't meet too often in the old days, managing to avoid each other well enough until WC13 qualifying where Bedistan ran out 3-1 winners in the first game, before the 'slaves won the second game 1-0. Their next encounter did not come until much later, where the period between the start of World Cup 19 and end of World Cup 20 saw the two sides play each other five times. If a historian were, for some reason, to write a book about the history of Audioslavia Vs Bedistan, the bulk of it would surely be concerned with this period of time. Audioslavia were ranked #1 in the world on and off for eight years running in that period and got to the final of World Cup 19 and 20, whilst Bedistan were building the team that would famously take World Cup 21. Of course, World Cup 21 wasn't the only trophy they took in this time period. The first came in the fifth installment of the Eagles Cup, and it was in the final of that tournament where they would play Audioslavia. The Lions won that match, and that trophy, by beating the 'slaves by a goal to nil. The next three matches however, saw Audioslavia take the spoils and seem to create a jinx over the unfortunate Bedistanis. First came the 2-1 win in the first round of World Cup 20, then came the return encounter in the quarter finals of the same tournament where the teams were inexplicably drawn together again. The 'slaves went on to win that one too, with another 1-0 victory. Soon afterwards, the 'slaves would beat Bedistan again, this time 4-2, in the first round of the Jurrassic Invitational Tournament, and yet again the two teams were fated to meet later on in the same tournament. This time however, it was Bedistan who got the upper hand taking a 2-1 win to get to the final.

The two matches in World Cup 24 qualifying will take the total Audioslavia Vs Bedistan tally to nine. The full results (including the recent 0-0 draw) being:

Audioslavia 1-3 Bedistan (Held in Bedistan, World Cup 13 Qualifying)
Audioslavia 1-0 Bedistan (Held in Audioslavia, World Cup 13 Qualifying)
Audioslavia 0-1 Bedistan (Held in The Eagles Nest, Eagles Cup Final)
Audioslavia 2-1 Bedistan (Held in Druida, World Cup 20 First Round)
Audioslavia 1-0 Bedistan (Held in Druida, World Cup 20 Quarter Final)
Audioslavia 4-2 Bedistan (Held in Raptor Claw, Jurrasic Invitational Tournament First Round)
Audioslavia 0-1 Bedistan (Held in Raptor Claw, Jurrasic Invitational Tournament Semi-Final)
Audioslavia 0-0 Bedistan (Held in Bedistan, World Cup 24 Qualifying)

TOTAL
Audioslavia 9-8 Bedistan
Audioslavia Victories: 4
Bedistan Victories: 3
Draws: 1

There you go, stick that in your pipe and smoke it, statwanking fans!

Ah yes, about the match. It was alright, but ended 0-0. The tables at the minute look like this:


Group 11 Pl W D L F A Pts GD
Bedistan 5 4 1 0 10 0 13 +10
Bettia 5 4 1 0 12 3 13 +9
Kericia 5 3 1 1 10 7 10 +3
Audioslavia 5 2 2 1 7 3 8 +4
PopularFreedom 5 1 1 3 4 7 4 -3
Kurumada 5 1 1 3 2 6 4 -4
San-Lorenzo 5 0 2 3 3 11 2 -8
Viszonia 5 0 1 4 3 14 1 -11

The 'slaves still lie five points behind the leaders, but the gap between them and third closes by a point thanks to Bettia's 3-1 thumping of Kericia. The next match sees Audioslavia taking on Bettia at home in an attempt to catch up with the high-flying Bettians and possibly overtake Kericia to get into third. Bettia however, are unbeaten and don't look like giving up too easy.

IBJJ, G'NB

Chi Sun-Times-Tribune-Star-News

Sports Section

Inside: First applicant for Milchama Coach job

Milchama finally wins. Fairbanks' job safe for now

The Milchama Warriors finally won their first game today beating Liverpoolian 1-0. Coach Fairbanks decision to start 2 out of 3 U21 defenders payed off as Milchama who had given up 7 goals in their two games gave up no goals today. The offense was not up to standards though as they only scored one goal despite getting 16 shots on net. Coach Fairbanks said, "It's nice to get win under our belts. Now we can concetrate on soccer instead of who will be coaching us this week or next week or next month."
Match Report:
The Warriors came out much more as a team and much more determined to perform good and keep their coach or at least not go the first 7 matchdays without getting a win. Early they came out firing with Rintell who started -suprisingly- coming in and making good run after good run. Rintell soon found Timmons who was making excellent thru passes to the strikers Floren and Faren. Liverpoolian did little in ways of counter attacking really did not put up much of a fight. The Warriors continued to attack to put in that first goal and almost did in the 34th minute when J.J. Faren found Tuck Feders in the box and Feders put his shot in but it was saved brilliantly by the keeper who by the way had an excellent game with 15 saves. Only 3 minutes later the Warriors almost struck again when Flinters did one of his patented solo runs through the defense and shot just wide. In the 42nd minute Billy Timmons got a good shot that beat the keeper but not the last defender who headed it off the line. The score at half time 0-0.
Second Half:
The second half got underway much in the same vein of the first half except that Liverpoolian started to progress foward and got a nice shot off in the 55th minute. The 57th minute saw them get thier first corner which almost went in if it was not for the beautiful play of Pevington who knocked it off the line. After that near goal Milchama started to really feel threatened and started to play much better and more urgent soccer. This soccer almost payed off in the 66th minute when Floren got a clear header in the six yard box that he hit high. In the 69th minute he was subbed out for Matt Bantin. Bantin's height made an immediate difference on the game as Faren and Feder felt far more comfortable floating the ball up to him in the box then they did with Floren. Copperlee also looked much better with Bantin in there as he started making better passes to open up Faren and Feders to pass to Bantin. In the 82nd minute all this pressure finally produced a goal when Faren went to the left wing and did a perfect cross right to an unmarked Matt Bantin who put his header right into the back of the net for a goal.
Final Score:
Liverpoolian 0 (its nice to get a shutout)
Milchama 1 (Bantin 82)

Two applicants so far for Milchama coaching job

There have been two applicants so far for the Milchama coaching job. This job while may not be vacated this World Cup will be available next World Cup as current Coach Jonathan Fairbanks has decided to concetrate on being the head coach of the U21s. These applicants are Coach Patrice Thibault from New Montreal States and Coach Neil Kabants from the Milchama protectorate of Collonie who was the coach of Milchama in WC23. So far Thibault is in the lead because as MFA President Calvin Chintermantoman put it, "He's foreign so he has to be good."

1-0
Its a victory! But not the end of the struggle.

Tadjikistans sixth match was a definite relief for many fans, who had seen their team go under in their last match against Total n Utter Insanity. While the Sadirovs worked on Tadjikistans strategy, the players gave the fans what they owed them; victory.

It did not go as easy as they would have liked, but the advantage of a home match, where their fans supported them and the fact that they had to make up for their meagre result on Matchday five gave the Tigers that extra bit of energy that they required to get the job done.

Especially the older players did not give up very quickly and as usual it were these veterans who pulled the Tadjiks through the game. Even the winning goal, also the only goal, was made by twenty-eight year old Peter Bayerenov, who beat the Lethislavanian defenses with a powerfull shot from the second line.

Bayerenovs succes inspired the Tigers and in the last fifteen minutes they rushed down the field with everything they had, but shots from Tanai, Salenko and Pliiev failed to get past the Lethislavanian goalkeeper while Kirovs goal got disallowed for being offside. But it did not matter, the match was played and with Lethislavania stuck on its own half, it was clear who had won the match.

The fans were happy and the players made an honorary round around the stadium to celebrate their victory, everyone had this idea that things were going better now and the Tadjiks would win their next matches with ease. a cloud of false certainly took a hold of them. But not everyone joined the celebrations.

The Sadirov brothers for instance remained calm and left the stadium, caught by a reporter they only said :'We've won a battle, but we still havent won the war. I said we would be open for critisizm after a two matches and I still stand by that. Spruitland is a though opponent, come interview me when we return.'

Some people remain realistic, even now, among them was Michael Frunze who did comment on the Tadjik succes today, with some facts ready 'Our last two encounters with Lethislavania were both draws, so there is some reason to cheer today, but I've also noticed that we've won every match at home and failed to take the full three points in away matches. So the next match will be much more important, a though side to beat on their own turf, I hope we will see a good match and alot of Tadjik goals. Although i'm not religious, I will pray for our team.'


Group 3
Tadjikistan 1 - 0 Lethislavania
Total n Utter Insanity 1 - 1 Spruitland
Shearer Heaven 2 - 2 New Montreal States
Taken Names 2 - 1 Lox Land Island



Group 3 Pl W D L F A Pts GD
Total n Utter Insanity 6 4 2 0 12 4 14 +8
Tadjikistan 6 3 2 1 7 5 11 +2
Spruitland 6 3 1 2 11 10 10 +1
New Montreal States 6 2 3 1 9 8 9 +1
Lethislavania 6 2 2 2 8 8 8 0
Shearer Heaven 6 1 3 2 7 9 6 -2
Lox Land Island 6 1 1 4 6 10 4 -4
Taken Names 6 1 0 5 5 11 3 -6

Tuesday 30th August 2005
Dear diary...

Its so much fun being William Branstone, F.A. Chairman extroadinaire! I get to travel round our country, and even the world (although i'm beginning to wonder which one is bigger) and watch Audioslavia play football. Now i know what you're thinking, 'hey William, you never used to like that when the 'slaves were doing badly, and they're doing badly right now' but hey, its a win-win situation for me! Hmm, i don't like using the phrase 'win-win situation'. Its way too wordy. I'd prefer something like 'Catch 22, Clause A: There is always a third option' or something. Still too wordy, but you get what i mean. Anyway, i'm beginning to like watching the 'slaves perform badly! Yes! Even me, the biggest proto-convo-servotivio-whatever nationalist xenophobe in Audioslavia, enjoying watching the great and proud Audioslavia lose. Why? Well you know why. Its because of him

Vilkaous needs to be sacked. I don't care that he hasn't lost since his first game in charge, he needs to be gotten rid. If it were up to me i'd discard him like yesterday's crusty bottle of lube, but unfortunately it isn't. If i'm to rid Audioslavia of the 'Vilitan Disease' i have to get a high-court ruling to overturn the contract, and that'll only happen if the 'slaves perform badly. If that happens, then we'll just get a normal, good ole Audioslavian replacement to get us into the World Cup. Of course, if we qualify under Vilkaous' command it won't matter anyway. He'll be kicked out faster than you can say 'G'nite Bitches' right after the world cup. Unless he wins of course, but that'll never happen.

Anyway... we beat Bettia today which is a hell of a good result. Danny McCosstessey scored on his return which is cool, just after sixty minutes, and Taurxa Jeroen got the other one just before full time. It was a hard match but i reckon we deserved it, outplayed them mostly, though they did have more attacking spells in the first half and were all over us for the last ten minutes until we broke and Jeroen got his goal. Two more bits of good news as well. First of all, Kristen Dvorak should be back for the next game. He recovered pretty well from that tackle by Johan Jasomethingdy, the Popular Freedom player. He also forgave him which is pretty cool, maybe the Popular Freedomonians (or whatever they're called) will let him back into the squad. What is their nickname again? The Shravens? The Rarks? Can't remember. Anyway, the second bit of good news: The stupid Vilitan-in-'slave-clothing Kabaofo Alanila had a shit game. A really shit game. However, Vilkaous still refused to substitute him. Hopefully he'll be outed as being too sympathetic to him and get a rollicking for that. Heh.

Anyway, see you round diary!


Bettia's Chris Hutton returns to his hotel room with friend and strike partner Judson York. They crack open a beer each and start chatting about the match, still a little pissed off that they lost. Judson is just about to bring up the great opportunity that he spooned over the bar, when Chris drops his beer and goes running over to the bedside cabinet. Judson is slightly startled.
"What the hell has gotten into you Chris? Whats the matter?". Chris seems to ignore him. He's too busy reading a page from a perculiar book that was left open on the table. Judson isn't sure what it is, but it has a 'made in Vilita' stamp on it, and its coloured yellow and green. He's just about to repeat his question when Chris turns round, looking at Judson with a facial expression not altogether dissimilar to that of a man who has just witnessed his own toothbrush sing the Starblaydian national anthem in fluent Rejistanian. Backwards. His next words are bellowed incredulously at the bemused Bettia number 25.
"Who the FUCK has been writing in my diary?!?!?!"

Nobody notices a small ginger man in an claret and green blazer skip down the hall-way, drunk out of his mind, singing "Bettia bottom dollar, Bettia bottom dollar, Bettia bottom dollar you'll be Bedistani fodder..."

2005-08-23

PopularFreedom wins at home in World Cup 24.
Hosts fed up, have remaining PF round robin games moved

After the recent riots in the World Cup host nations by PopularFreedom fans, the games have been moved to PopularFreedom and their opponents home fields as is usually the case. PopularFreedom security officials were not taking any chances having undercover officers in the crowd in Locke Harbour, PopularFreedom for the match. The game itself was played in South Locke Harbour at Locke Harbour Stadium. (http://img217.echo.cx/img217/7897/lhs21980downtown5la.png)

With over 75,000 fans, mostly of the raving Shark lunatic variety in the crowd, PopularFreedom security forces were highly visible with police dogs, mounted units, riot police armed with rubber bullets and stun guns.

The crowd for the most part was cooperative though as usual extremely loud. As the players took the field Kurumada players could be seen covering their ears as the fans chanted in unison, 'RIP 'EM TO SHREADS', over and over and over again.

The Sharks used their regular starting lineup with only William Welsh substituting in for Paul Henry as the only change to begin the game with.

Sharks got the ball first and were able to from the onset control the pace of the match. Their 3-6-1 formation caused havoc for Kurumada who were constantly on the defensive. At the 3rd minute with the Sharks pressing Collins fed Peruvo just inside the box who headed it towards the net but had the Kurumada goalie get a hand on it to knock it out of harms way.

The ensuing cornerkick was cleared by Kurumada however the Sharks shot it back into the zone again and continued to press. At the 10th minute, after a shot from just outside the box was blocked by a Kurumada defender a rushing Shawn Peruvo was able to strip the ball and get a quick shot off that found its way into the bottom right corner of the net for the first goal of the game.

The crowd already deafening, at this point exploded in celebration as the ball found the net while Peruvo's teammates mobbed him after his goal.

On the restart the ball was quickly stripped from a Kurumada forward by Peruvo, who was promptly tackled down with a vicious slidetackle no where near the ball. The PopularFreedom crowd, turned from celebratory to hostile as they saw their star striker on the field. Many fans actually tried to rush the field to get at the Kurumada forward while others hurled objects onto the field. Riot police took out the batons and could be seen striking anyone on the field along with using stunwands on them as well. The crowd meanwhile started chanting, 'thirteen, thirteen', in reference to the jersey number of the Kurumada forward responsible for Peruvo in the field in pain. Peruvo was carried off after about a minute and though fine was kept on the sidelines for the rest of the game. William Welsh was moved to forward while Paul Henry came on as a substitute in replace of Peruvo.

The Kurumada forward was issued a yellow card and was pulled from the match minutes later, probably a good thing too since the chant of, 'thirteen' continued for some time in the 1st half.

As the first half continued the Sharks continued with their frenzied attack and were rewarded in the 34th minute. William Welsh was sprung by midfielder John Collins with a pass near midfield. Welsh went in alone chased by two defenders. As the Kurumada goalie went out to cut the angle down Welsh shot a beautiful shot the arched to the left just out of the reach of the goalie and into the top left hand corner for a goal. The Shark crowd exploded in celebration with the score now 2-0.

As the first half ended the crowd could be heard in the dressing rooms of both teams during the halftime break. The Kurumada coach had to yell at his players in the visitors dressing room to be heard as they discussed how they could overcome the current problem they found themselves in.

As the second half began the Sharks continued to pressure Kurumada. In the 68th minute with the Sharks swirling in the Kurumada end, Shark midfielder John Collins sent a wonderful feed from the left side into the box. William Welsh headed the ball which seem destined for the top right hand corner but was quickly batted away by the Kurumada goalie.

On the ensuing corner, Shark Paul Henry tried to rifle a shot into the box but his attempt was caught and then kicked out by the Kurumada goalie to the left side. One of the Kurumada midfielders was able to collect the clearance and start running up the sidelines with the ball untouched until he reached close to the Shark box. He then quickly sent a shot that eluded the grasp of Shark goalie Peter Locart but luckily hit the post and went harmlessly out of bounds.

Coach Dennis Viltacore, of the PopularFreedom Sharks after seeing this near goal by the Kurumada team ordered his midfielders to play no further than the midfield line while ordering Welsh back on midfield from forward as well to leave their formation at 3-7-0 for the remainder of the match.

The match for the remaining 20 minutes therefore consisted of the Sharks constantly clearing the ball anytime it entered their end until the final whistle brought clapping from the capacity crowd at Locke Harbour Stadium with the final score being 2-0.



OOC: I did not realize that the games were not played in the host nations until the finals so instead of changing ALL my posts I figured just come up with a reason why my nation was so special as to have games in the host nation anyhow and why that has been altered now, hope all are cool with this.

OOC #2: Just read the Audioslavia post in relation to Chris Hutton's diary, absolutely hilarious dude! Well done!

The Brazillico Advance

Six Games In; Six Points For
The Experts Agree: Brazillico Sucks

Six games into the qualification campaign and Brazillico are drastically underachieving. At least, that’s what the word on the streets is here in Brazillico. Everywhere else in the world we’re pretty much meeting expectations.

The match against Kylaai was exactly what the Brazillican faithful were hoping for; their beloved Chili Bats putting the leather to some overrated nation like Kylaai. Brazillico didn’t exactly dominate the match, it was a close affair as the 50/50 split in possession will attest to, but a smart penalty taken by Patrick Ocala, driven low to the Kylaaian keeper’s right proved to be the difference in this match. Brazillico was off to a great start, upsetting the side from Kylaai, 1-0.

Commerce Heights was next on the agenda in what has to be one of the most shameful performances to date by the Brazillican side. In the 19th Minute, a questionable red card was given to gritty centre back, Biff Oglethorpe for an alleged head butt on a Commerce Heights player. Oglethorpe tried to convince the referee that he was merely trying to head a ball out of the box, but the referee would have none of it. In frustration, Tim “Dr. Hook” McCracken threw a water ball at the referee, hitting him in his upper back. McCracken was also shown the way to the showers by the referee. Once the Brazillicans were two men down, the onslaught was on. Commerce Heights 4-0 Brazillico.

Next team was the mighty Sarzonians, who shut out Brazillico 2-0. Julio Hodges had a terrible outing against the Sarzonians, as Brazillico’s usually dependable left back was forced to play in the middle to fill the void left by McCracken and Oglethorpe. He made two costly blunders which translated into both of Sarzonia’s goals. Despite the losing scoreline, this was a pretty decent performance by the Brazillicans. The Chili Bats looked very purposeful and attack and threatened the goal of the world’s top ranked team on several occasions.

The Brazillicans carried their momentum from their decent performance against the Sarzonians into their match against the Caprine States. Brazillico’s offence erupted for three goals while their defence remained tight. Paulista, Baptista and Oglethorpe were the authors of the Brazillican goals. Honorable mentions go out to !Xobile Banana and Julio Hodges, who bounced back nicely from his off-game in Sarzonia. These young defenders had great games and were instrumental in shutting down Caprine States’ usually potent wing attack.

Scorthona was likely overlooked by the Brazillicans, who are renowned for their jingoism, but ended up producing one heck of a game. The Scorthonans caught the Chili Bats flat-footed thanks to two quick goals by judo-champ/stirker, Dave Houston. Brazillico answered back in the start of the second half, when Sergio Braz made a nice run up the middle and found Maicer Baptista, who promptly slid the ball past Scorthonan keeper, Ulrik Goodenhard. Scorthona got their two-goal lead back thanks to a rocket strike by Ross Kirkwood which was placed just outside the reach of Brazillico’s Cone Leroux. The up-and-down pace of the match continued and a smart cross from Joao Jorge Itaparico Pena was met with by the head of substitute, Clifton, pulling the Brazillican’s back within one. Despite a flurry of chances near the end of the match, the Brazillicans were unable to find an equaliser, and the match ended 3-2 for Scorthona. Full marks for the Scorthonans as they played their hearts out and will certainly not be overlooked by the Bats on the return leg.

At the onset of Matchday Six, a pressing question among Brazillicans was “Who the fuck is Chileany?” By the end of the match, that question became, “How the fuck did we lose to Chileany?” In a match categorized by a lot of bad bounces and missed opportunities for the Brazillicans, the previously winless Chileany beat the Bats 2-0 at home. The card-proned Tim “Dr. Hook” McCracken picked up a red card out of frustration after he delivered a savage tackle behind the play to Chileany’s star striker when the score was still 1-0.

McCracken is an important member of Brazillico’s back line and a very useful member of the team when he can keep his emotions in check. It is rumoured that the Brazillicans will switch to a 3-5-2 for their next match against Disjoepia to cope with the loss off McCracken and exploit their weak defence. Brazillico has allowed the most goals to date in Group 8, so removing a defender from their typical four-man set may backfire on them. Jailson Garibaldi will likely be the fifth midfielder to come in and Charleiro Felix Santos will get his first ever start for the Brazillicans after two consecutive shaky performances by Cone Leroux.

Paladins Played Well But So Did Shearer Heaven
Both Teams Deserved It


Jean Paul Head Coach of New Montreal States Said NMS Deserved the Win
And They Did In The 1st Half But not in the second That Was SHs So Overall.......Noone Did it was fair and square

The First Half Belonged To NMS But J.Marjoram Played Well And Kept out a few good shots,But the Second Half Was Shearer Heavens With B.Marjoram Creaming The Defence then scoring But Jean Paul Cannot Blame His Defence Because they tried their best.Both teams gave it their all neither deserving to win, a little more luck From Shearer Heavens Adam Norton Would have give them the victory,But The Same Goes With NMS If They had provided more crosses they would have probably won Not Knowing Marjorams A***** S*** Weakness they didnt exploit it much but they did once and it worked out with a stunning header So a little luck here a little luck there one team would have won but neither team would of Deserved the win.
The Words Of The Rock,Gazza, Milburn And Shearer.

Ps
Paladins
After Recieving Your TG We apologise for taking The Slip-upp the Wrong way.(it was still a good shot!)

WARRIORS FALL PREY TO MYSTERIOUS ILLNESS
6-year-olds take on Oaker and lose 1-5

The Praying2God Warriors squad suddenly took ill the day before their match with Oaker in WC XXIV qualifying. The mysterious illness claimed everybody on the squad, including the coaching staff. Fortunately for the Warriors, a team of six-year-olds were in Oaker to watch their heroes try to pull of a historic upset. The Praying2God Soccer Association quickly pressed them into action when they caught wind of the fact that an organized team from Praying2God was in the country at the time, so they didn't have to try to jet in a team from the homeland. The kids played fearlessly, but were simply overmatched by the much older and more experienced Oakerians. However, the Oaker squad was sympathetic to the Warriors' misfortunes, as they allowed the kids to score late in the match to avoid being shutout. The Praying2God Soccer Association has asked for assistance from the Oaker government in determining what the mysterious illness was. They are also hoping that the national squad will be ready to take on Cockbill Street in their next match, but they will have a back-up squad ready just in case.

Kodiak Daily Rabbler
Pride May Be Returning

Kodiaks Escape With 2-All Tie
Next Up? An Aggressive Oaker

The Kodiaks kept the goals scoring, and helped to cover for an injured Raslan Seregn as the National Side clinged to a 2-2 tie with Group Leader Cockbill Street on the road.

Olani Pjan continues to make her case for playing on a mens side, as the WFC Esten star cored the equalizer with nine minutes left after the Cockbill side had a cross intercepted by Jude Westington. Jude scored earlier after a dive by an unnamed Cockbill player gave him a free kick that bounced to the left of the goalkeep.

However, Seregn was on rest after the Kodiaks 3-0 win over P2G for a pulled muscle. He is expected to return to the lineup for what could be a deciding game in the course of this cup run, as the Kodiaks head off to Oaker, who's comming off a 5-1 drilling of P2G.

Kodiaks XXIV World Cup Schedule
MD01: The South Packerlands [W 2-1]
MD02: @ Nobbsinia [L 0-1]
MD03: Hurfordia [L 1-3]
MD04: @ Limbrogidlia [W 3-0]
MD05: Praying2God [W 3-0]
MD06: @ Cockbill Street [T 2-2]
MD07: @ Oaker
MD08: @ The South Packerlands
MD09: Nobbsinia [at Stadia Lia, Acadia]
MD10: @ Hurfordia
MD11: Limbrogidlia [at Cananite Pavillion, Paradiso]
MD12: @ Praying2God
MD13: Cockbill Street [at Southampton National Square]
MD14: Oaker [at Grand Douala Palazia Centre]
----------------------------------------------------------------------

Yay Tie! But don't blow it in Oaker or you'll have some very pissant fans waiting for you against Nobbsinia. - ChicanadaSun.org

The Kodiaks did what they needed to do against Oaker but they cannot just depend on Pjan to be their workhorse. The rest of the strikers need to get some plays going to get them through...and hope the defense stays tight if they want to hold off Oaker. - Cana Daily Press

We're loving Pjan and Seregn. But the rest of the team needs to show up to escape a hungry Oaker sqaud for any hopes of victory. - Canal

Pschychoes back in it!

A win over Oliverry gets Squornshelous a share of second
Squornselous snapped a winless streak of two matches with a solid 3-1 victory over Oliverry. The Pschychoes controlled almost the entire match, with only a brief lapse in the early second half allowed a goal to be scored. The shuffling done in midfield and forward positions worked perfectly and the same starters will be kept until results differ.

Final Score:
Squornshelous 3-1 Oliverry

Group 9 Standings after Matchday 2:

Group 9 Pl W D L F A Pts GD
EL CID THE HERO 6 5 1 0 12 3 16 +9
Nedalia 6 4 1 1 12 6 13 +6
Squornshelous 6 4 1 1 8 3 13 +5
Oliverry 6 3 0 3 8 7 9 +1
Groba 6 2 1 3 7 10 7 -3
Tonissia 6 2 0 4 3 11 6 -8
Palixia 6 1 0 5 4 9 3 -5
Trianland 6 1 0 5 3 8 3 -5


Squornshelous' Qualifying Schedule:
wins draws losses
Matchday 1: Squornshelous 2-0 Tonissia
Matchday 2: Trianland 0-1 Squornshelous
Matchday 3: Squornshelous 2-0 Palixia
Matchday 4: Groba 0-0 Squornshelous
Matchday 5: Squornshelous 0-2 EL CID THE HERO
Matchday 6: Squornshelous 3-1 Oliverry
Matchday 7: Squornshelous v Nedalia
Matchday 8: Tonissia v Squornshelous
Matchday 9: Squornshelous v Trianland
Matchday 10: Palixia v Squornshelous
Matchday 11: Squornshelous v Groba
Matchday 12: EL CID THE HERO v Squornshelous
Matchday 13: Oliverry v Squornshelous
Matchday 14: Nedalia v Squornshelous

In Other News:
Several rather astonishing manifestations of Murphy's Law have been documeted by Squornshelan scientists during the past few days. During a series of highly detailed experiments, 45 of 50 picnics and 15 of 18 parades were rained out. In addition to this, of 3000 eggs set down on tabletops, an amazing 2975 of them rolled off and broke on the floor, with 23 rolling off and not breaking and only 2 staying on the table. We're not sure what all this means, but we're also sure it's something really important.

The Archregimancy Brings You

World Cup Action Live


Hello, I'm Fr. John the Golden-throated, and welcome to today's World Cup qualifier in Poppuli. National governmental paranoia here has the entire home team wearing ski masks so that no squad member becomes too popular and thus serves as a lightning bolt for discontent. This is shaping up as a vital qualifier as with Wella and Spaam underperforming wildly, both of these sides will want to win in order to cement their chances of an unlikely playoff spot.

And with rumours that the Poppuli government is threatening to execute the entire national squad if they lose today, our opponents will be even more paranoid than usual - though I think they have the potential to prove to be quite intimidating opponents.

And here come the teams, the Archregimancy as always preceded by the Holy Icon of the Mother of God, Bringer of Victory - whose intercession served us well in our recent 4-2 victory over Jewish Citizens. The team management will be worried that we're continuing to allow too many goals at the back, but if you're scoring four?

And here's the kick-off, and.... and.... this is the strangest thing I've ever seen. The entire Poppuli squad have run back to their goal, formed an 11-man human pyramid, and have successfully blocked off the entire face of the goal, using what appears to be stretchable fabric in their kit to block off the gaps. There's absolutely no space for any of our lads to force a shot through the living wall. Dare I say that this tactic is slightly, well, un-orthodox?

Coach Kyrill, metropolitan of Solovetsky and technical advisor Juan Tzimisces are arguing furiously with the fourth official, but I can't see anything that suggests this is in anyway against the rules. As long as the Poppuli players are strong enough to hold on, we won't be able to score.

<60 minutes later>

...not the most exciting of games, dare I say, as Poppuli hold on as our squad mill around the goal area, occasionally taking short-range potshots at the opposing goal in the vague hope that one of their opponents will be knocked out of position. This is System Karela gone mad. Not 10-0-0, but rather 0-0-0 with 11 goalkeepers and absolutely no attack. Absolutely no possession, either, for that matter. Total, impenetrable defence. Fr. Polycarp the venerable is currently aiming for the Poppuli players' arms and appealing for handball, but the referee is ruling - inarguably correctly - that it's a case of ball to hand, and thus not intentional handball.

<30 minutes later>

... the final whistle. The Poppuli squad - ski masks still intact - trundle off field to the sound of an empty stadium, most of the crowd having gone home about 20 minutes into the first half. This is the worst farce I've seen in two thousand years of Monastic sport. The Poppuli players have undoubtedly guaranteed that they wouldn't lose, and therefore will not be executed by their tyrannical regime, but they've also guaranteed the dullest 90 minutes of football I can ever remember seeing.

Let's hope someone steps in and stops this sort of thing from happening again - or that the local government decides to be a little more lenient towards its national sporting teams. With Kaze Progressa beating Jewish Citizens 3-1 to squeeze past us into third, our next match against Kaze P. is looming as the most important game in this first half of qualifying. I've been Fr. John the Golden-throated. Goodnight.

Twice conceded

The Orange-Blues played against the communists from Eauz. Coach and programmer Siki Rej asked before the match the deciding question: "Why are they Les Bleus? I mean seeing that they are Communists, wouldn't Les Rouges be better?" He also stated: "This match will be difficult for us, there is no evaluatable data about Les Rouges. Nothing, not even the player names and their formation... you know, government restrictions... Hexatux basically guessed." As later was seen, it did not guess correctly. The 4-5-1 formation had an awfully leaky defense and the Orange-Blues conceded twice. Siki Rej said that he guessed the experience factors incorrectly, he thought there would be much less confusion. The High Priest of the Temple of Karela commented: "Attack causes defeat! Our former co-hosts also decided for an attacking 5-4-1, that is why the score was at least even." Nana Sejil and Linux Raju both scored, Linux Raju was substituted in in the 68th minute for "SeKa". Despite being out of position, he played remarkably well.

The draw against a weaker, but not much weaker opponent leaves us questioning the ability of the Orange-Blues to play on international level, let alone defend their title.


Spam the Spaamers

The Estadije Ines Karela Lines (EIKL) is the latest and greatest rejistanian stadium. Needless to say that it is also the biggest rejistanian stadium. For this match against Spaam, this venue appereared provincial and small. Spaamian teams play in much larger stadia and even manage to fill them completely. The fact that the Rejistanians had no need to build stadiums like the spaamisn national Stadium is that domestically, the interest is much more varied.

But as Progressans and Spaamers often forget: not the venue decides. Of course, the fans in the EIKL cheered for their Lasane as if their life depended on it. Of course, the high number of va'karela'ny caused both teams to be rather defensive: the Orange-Blues played a defensive 7-2-1, the Spaamers (at least for them) defensive 5-3-2. The first goal in this match was takilan: Takil Manik scored in the 19th minute in counter-attack and will sue the KaMaRi Update for making fun of his name. The Spaamian strikers attacked as if under a spell, but the Rejistanians know how to defend. The fans of the Orange-Blues cheered at every spoilt chance for the nation, which was in KaMaRi kali for the world cup final in the year 20*. Another attack in the 58th minute allowed it SeKa to increase the score to the final value. The best chance for Spaam was in the 74th minute when a corner kick was given and Visnu Kanavan could barely hold the ball after a header of Spaamian player #7.

The Orange-Blues are currently on the first place of the table, and in good position to qualify.

*after the revolution, which led to rejistanian independence, during WC13

Partnership agreement between the Oliverrian Soccer Association and a big Oliverrian Company

The Oliverrian Soccer Association declared today that they've just accepted an agreement with the cool drinks company Pepsioli, which has their headquarters located in Marshalliston-Est. "This is an important agreement for the association, agreement that will also help the Oliverrian Soccer League, which will surely have their crowd being higher for their game.", declared Jean Soqueure, the president of the OSA.

Another agreement announced yesterday

The OSA, by the same time, announced that the domestical soccer league, the Oliverrian Soccer League, which have teams located in both Limbrogidlia and Oliverry, concluded an agreement with 2 TV networks for the broadcast of their games. In Oliverry, the concluded the agreement with TV French, which is the biggest medias owner in Oliverry. This group owns, inter alia, OSN, ONN, CNO, TV Saint-Francois and CHGO. In Limbrogidlia, the agreement was concluded with Limbrogidlian Sports Channel. In both countries, the agreement was the same: 2 games live broacasted each Friday at the national television. Each local TV channels will broadcast live their local team. And, with this, the OSA announced that Pepsioli will be the official sponsor for every games broadcasted at the TV.

With these agreements, the Oliverrian Soccer Association and the Oliverrian Soccer League will be better for the next years

Jean-Roger Duplessis - Marshalliston Times

-----------------------------------------------

Oliverry loses against Squornshelous

Yesterday, Oliverry was in Squornshelous for the continuation of the World Cup 24 qualifications. Oliverry lost 1-3 against them. Squornshelous managed to dominate Oliverry in every way they could, but Yves Laroche managed to put a goal in at the 53rd minute of the game. It was 2-1 at the time but Oliverry, after, lost every resources they have and gave another goal in at the 74th minute. Oliverry, after, tried to come back, but a solid performance from Marko Antropov settled this game.

Next game: Oliverry vs El Cid the Hero

ECTH is a very powerful nation in Soccer. We expect them to win against Oliverry, unless Jean-Alan Bellemort shows up and makes Oliverry win the game.

Predicted score:
EL CID THE HERO: 3
Oliverry: 3

Jean-Roger Duplessis - Marshalliston Times

CasariONENews

Casari Acutally Wins!
The sound of jaws dropping simultaniously is a bit of a popping sound.

Casari actually won a match today.

An away match.

By three Goals.

Three.

Although it was against last place Greecedonia, it's a plus for a team who has had to struggle for wins.

"We're proud of actually winning a game today." The team said in their offical prepss release. "We know we haven't had many, but we're glad to be back on the board."

Today's win propels the Confederation up the tables to fourth, still in a tie with Nanakaland with 7 points and ahead by 3 in GD. Ahead is One Red Dot with 12 points, and after Casari and Nanakaland is tomorrow's opponent Yafor 2 with 5 points.

"We're very excited about tomorrow's game and see it as another potential win."

http://i5.photobucket.com/albums/y197/Spruitland/sportsgazette.jpg


Extra point more than welcome

Total n Utter Insanity – Spruitland: 1 – 1

In what – on paper – should be their toughest away match of the Qualifying campaign, Spruitland scraped the bottom of the barrel, coming home with a point from Total n Utter Insanity. After the win against Lethislavania on matchday 5, this draw confirms the Wabbits’ good form, though it’s not yet enough to fully make up for the points lost in two earlier, poor matches. For that, they’ll need another good result against Tadjikistan.

The draw, though not entirely undeserved, was all the Wabbits could claim from this match without divine intervention, even though Jan Wolters’ early goal undoubtedly had supporters hoping for more. Wolters, starting for the first time in World Cup 24 Qualifying after a mediocre performance by Jonas Horst against Lethislavania, surprised the Insanician goalie with a header-lob less than fifteen minutes into the game. The goal – Wolters’ first in this campaign – basically ensures that he’ll remain in the starting line-up for the important match against Tadjikistan.

After that, it was a matter of trying to hold on to the lead, with an occasional counter attack to keep the Insanicians on their toes. But the inevitable equalizer came with a good half hour to go, when Someone – the Insanician star striker – curved a direct free kick into the upper right corner of the goal, out of Briers’ reach.

After that, it was a matter of trying to hold on to the draw, with no more counter attacks to keep the Insanicians on their toes. And that mission was more successful. One point won for Spruitland, two points lost for Total n Utter Insanity. They have a few to spare though, while ours may prove crucial in the end.

Total n Utter Insanity – Spruitland: 1 – 1
0-1 Wolters (14’)
1-1 Someone (63’)

Bipedal Times
Trans-border newspaper of the RBA

Two-Footer win streak Terminated

by Bonga

Ciudad Capitale de Liverpool, Liverpool England-- With resounding smackdown heard six kilometers away, Terminators of Liverpool England last night defooted Two-Featers in front of biggest crowd of human footie supporters ever seen by apekind. To quote Coach Ms. Throckspartle, ”Liverpool England good side. It take miracle for team like us to beat them.”

Miracles were nowhere in evidence on pitch, however, as various talented human strikers scored Liverpudlian goals to propel side to 4-1 victory over RBA, giving Two-Footers first loss of World Cup 24 qualifying and dropping them to third in group. Meanwhile, Lovisa beat Liamist States, which guarantees Two-Footers will not drop further in table before second leg of qualifiers begins.

Last-minute replacements

Trouble began early for Two-Footers. Before side boarded banana boat for Liverpool England two weeks ago, several players balked at making trip. In incident reminiscent of Lions and Tigers fiasco four years ago, Drommidge and Barsoom, along with several reserves, complained to Coach Throckspartle that they did not want to play footie “in pool of liver.”

Though Coach agreed that playing footie while standing in liver would indeed be disgusting and unacceptable, she assured players that Liverpool is just name, and country has regular grass pitches just like everybody else (except Kalaallit Nunaat). Players reluctantly agreed to make trip, but on arriving they learned that opponents were to be Terminators. “Aiiee!” Drommidge reportedly screamed. “If there anything scarier than lions and tigers, it terminators!”

Ms. Throckspartle’s assurances that Terminators just name of team, not their species, did little to calm freaked-out players. With Drommidge jumping about shrieking and Barsoom running in circles with hands in air yelling, “Mad cyborg! Mad cyborg!” panic nearly set in to entire team. Fortunately Throckspartle brought her patented headsmack along to LE, and after a few carefully placed blows, things were under control. However, come match time, Drommidge and Barsoom refused to take pitch. Spotrockle and Angstohm started in their place.

Tribuana sent down; pro-maleinists all in huff

Spotrockle fine keeper, but she a little rusty maybe, and slow response allowed early goal as powerful human (not cyborg) striker placed shot from right side of box that should have been saved on seventeen minutes. At thirty minutes though she was cleanly beaten, and two-nil score remained until break. Second half proceeded similarly with Terminators generally controlling ball but Two-Footers getting in the occasional decent shot. One came on fifty-four minutes as Angstohm and Tribuana combined to beat defenders and break unchallenged into box; it was Angstohm who placed shot neatly past keeper, earning her first net of campaign. Terminators would come back twice more, scoring at seventy-two minutes and again on a kick after Hooboy was called for handling the ball at eight-four minutes.

After match, in surprise move, Coach Ms. Throckspartle announced she was sending Tribuana down for ‘male’ behavior. “He was warned,” she told reporters in conference room at CCL Stade Nationale. “His appearance with team was conditional on not acting male, and with terminator business, he blew it.”

Assistant coach Blimptoople appeared somewhat flabbergasted by announcement, and Tribuana was undeniably crestfallen. He refused comment to reporters while packing boots and rambling dejectedly from changing room. But comments were plentiful at headquarters of pro-maleinist organization Apeman Equality Rights Now! Amalgamated.

“Tribuana scapegoat,” AERNA director Lugsputtle told reporters. “He not terminators instigator. He not even reluctant to play. Blaming him for females behaving badly is anti-maleinist and wrong!”

The RBACFA has not issued any statement so far, but is expected to weigh in. AERNA and others are calling for reversal of Ms. Throckspartle’s decision; some even want to see her sacked. However, it look unlikely that Tribuana will return to team before upcoming match against 14th-ranked Lovisa later this month.

Final Score:
Liverpool England 4 (17, 30, 72, 84)
Republic of Bipedal Apes 1 (Angstohm, 54)

-----------------------------
attn: This is an RP continued from the Pre-Cup, and also includes some references to past RPs & Characters, as well as the possible to chain off into new RP's for just about any nation out there, so please, if you wish enjoy the read and feel free to continue or contribute. Thanks!

-----------------------------

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WC24Q: MD1 (Vilita 2 - 0 Elrich)
http://www.dirt-racing.com/3wide/sites/aofiles/rp/bar.gif
Vilita Goalscorers::
44' Inaki Soler
84' Esorijan Marelja
http://www.dirt-racing.com/3wide/sites/aofiles/rp/bar.gif

-------------------As the Vilita Jungle Cats opened their World Cup 24 Qualfiying campaign, there was little surprise with the result as caretaker manager Rory Issah led Vilita out onto the field for the first time ever without long time manager Helmut Vilkaous on the sidelines. Vilkaous, who did not miss a beat, taking up the position of head coach for the Audioslavia national team, had been sacked by the Vilitan Football Association after the team dropped below Turori and outside the top ten in the World Rankings for the first time since World Cup 17. Issah had little work to do being handed a moderately easy tie against international newcomers Elrich. Elrich, who had just completed the Baptism of Fire Cup hosted in Vilita, were full of potential but lacking in end quality to keep up with their superior counterparts. Issah handed a start to fellow goalkeeper Delain Falcon, and named a mixed squad which also saw Michele Mariano and Dene Shaw get surprise starts. It was the former and future of Vilitan Wing Phenom's who settled the match, however, with Vilitan hero Inaki Soler netting the opener just before half time, and Soler's protege, youngster Esorijan Marelja, converting with time running short to seal the three points for the Jungle Cats.

(Back at the FA Headquarters, on a not-quite-as-sunny-as-last-time day...)


As the Jungle Cats switched their focus to Liampolis-Liamton, Rory Issah and Elekim Cairns had some decisions to make.

"Well we've finally gotten another applicant for the position of Manager, Rory" said Elekim after hanging up the phon in a swarm. "I think this one will definately get you the media attention you were looking for, certainly a big name!"

Issah looked up intently and excitement seemed to fill his eyes. "Who is it! Did you get Kovalev? Or how about that Wilson chap from Sarzonia, were you able to work out a deal to get his contract out early? Tell me!" Issah hurried over to Cairns's Desk.

"Well, he doesnt have quite the experience that those managers have" Elekim continued, "But he's certainly well known!"

"Alright then, tell me, whats with the games" Issah slapped Cairn's upside the head in a joking manner. "You know we've only got a few days before this guys supposed to be here, working with the players, I mean luckily we convinced Santo to give it a run or we'd really be in a fix."

Cairns paused for a few seconds, and then spilled the beans. "It's the King of Spruitland!"

With this news Rory Issah stood motionless, and then seemed to be hit with some profound knowledge. "You lug. I'm never going to get a straight answer out of you am I. I don't know why I hired you in the first place, you're a damn character. Who is it really, I've got work to do!"

Elekim began to look uneasy. "Really, the King of Spruitland himself and I've already confirmed him to come down for the matches against Oglethorpia and Hockey Canada, I'm just about to confirm the use of the Estoabao House for the week he's here"

Beginning to realize that this wasn't a joke, Rory Issah began to ponder some questions in his mind. "So wait, now, this King Alfons, is he a real king, or just one of those figure kings who stands around in elegant garb and waves his hand like a little golden monkey? Does he even.. What are his... are you sure abo..." Elekim quickly interrupted "Just think about the publicity Rory, besides, I'm sure he's not a Real King, I mean, sure he's a King, but he can't have all that much to do If he's going to be here running our football team, can he? Anyway, let me go arrange his rooms and stuff, Baron's got the team right for the next two matches, so we'll be alright until then."




http://www.dirt-racing.com/3wide/sites/vilita/vn/teamsheet.gif
Vilita Jungle Cats (3-5-2) :: Vs. Elrich
[GK] Delain Falcón, [D] Dene Shaw, [D] Ricky Ezis, [D] Tulio Arizmendi, [DMC] Michele Mariano, [ML] Inaki Soler, [MC] Jonjo Hulyer, [MC] Esorijan Marelja, [MR] Maurizio Sala, [FC] Callum Banda, [FC] Tika Massa,
BENCH::
[FC] Julian Lisbie, [FC] Ippolit Adjei, [M] Brent Obwinyi, [M] Contall Rumaoa, [U] Tanner Nerni, [D] Timmy Leaburn, [GK] Jimmy Kater,

Vilita Substitutions::
(45) - Inaki Soler >>> Contall Rumaoa
(62) - Jonjo Hulyer >>> Brent Obwinyi

Draw against Starblaydia and win over Harlesburg puts Vikings atop the group

In two matches that mean a lot, the Vikings produced when it counted. Mike Nolan scored the lone goal against Starblaydia to draw even with the top seed in the group 1-1. Then in the matchup against Harlesburg, Nolan scored the winning goal after Dave Daniels put the match even to lead the Vikings to a 2-1 victory. That makes the unbeaten run to 6 matches for Fmjphoenix.

The final match of the first leg is going to be against Finrods. Another win here will give the Vikings a solid placement for the second leg. They are playing quite well so far and are nor performing at the level that is being expected of them

Fmjphoenix Goal Scorers:
Nolan 8
Daniels 4
Brown 2
McAllister 1
Grimm 1

Fmjphoenix's World Cup 24 Qualification:
MD01: Fmjphoenix vs Geisenfried Draw 2-2
MD02: Fmjphoenix @ Naleoospalakintula Win 5-0
MD03: Fmjphoenix vs Prince Aidan Win 4-0
MD04: Fmjphoenix @ Tallionis Win 2-1
MD05: Fmjphoenix @ Starblaydia Draw 1-1
MD06: Fmjphoenix vs Harlesburg Win 2-1
MD07: Fmjphoenix @ Finrods
---------------------------------------
MD08: Fmjphoenix @ Geisenfried
MD09: Fmjphoenix vs Naleoospalakintula
MD10: Fmjphoenix @ Prince Aidan
MD11: Fmjphoenix vs Tallionis
MD12: Fmjphoenix vs Starblaydia
MD13: Fmjphoenix @ Harlesburg
MD14: Fmjphoenix vs Finrods
Record: 4-2-0

ooc: sorry for the lack of rp and the very crappy one here. RL is being rough and I have not been able to RP very well. Expect next match to be a better RP

System Karela is celebrating the scoreless draw against Dauna Hills. No newspaper report due to a nationwide hangover. System Karela belatedly starts into the next day. Even the priests and monks of Karela celebrated their temples as if the world cup was won. The high priest called this match the best thing which ever happened in the history of System Karela.

Wednesday 24th August 2005
Dear diary...

So here we are in rainy Bedistan after quite an odd outing to Audioslavia. Some FA bloke broke into my hotel room and scribbled some bollocks in my diary (not literally though). There we were, just chilling out, drinking some 'slavanian spring water (which for some reason was cunningly disguised in a beer bottle - and I thought alcoholism was bad in Druida). I went to put down some post-match thoughts on paper, and there it was, some rant about some bloke having a bad game, with a match report thrown in for good measure. I don't think they like Vilitans over there - don't ask me why, I can't quite put my finger on it... it's just a feeling I get.

Mind you, it's a good job he didn't break into Amir Bettison's room - it was his turn to arorasit Little Nerys. If you thought Tiddles had a temper, it's nothing compared to her sister's.

And speaking of sisters, Silli was well pleased with the little plastic bull I got her from a market stall in Machinegardia. She asked me where I was playing next - I told her we were in Bedistan, just down the road from our Nan. She asked me why is Bedistan called Bedistan when it has a tractor wheel on the flag - I told her to shut up and stop being so stupid.

The match itself was a good'un, even though we lost. A year or two ago, they would've walked all over us, but we had our share of chances (even though Judson did his best to hit Row Z with one effort). I had one or two good shots in the first half, but that Celta chap in goal was in top form. They had the better of the second half though and scored on the hour mark, and even though we tried to get back at them nothing went in for us. We piled forward in the last ten minutes or so after the boss changed our formation to 4-2-4, but they went and hit us on the break near the end.

So there we have it, we lost. Dissappointing result, but to be fair it wasn't really unexpected. Mind you, we're still second, just a point behind Bedistan. Today's game's against them's gonna be a toughie, but if we put in the same kind of performance... who knows?



Audioslavia 2 (McCosstessy 60, Jeroen 87)
Bettia 0

MD1: Bettia 1-1 PopularFreedom (The Gasworks, Gabalfa)
MD2: Viszonia 1-3 Bettia
MD3: Bettia 4-0 San-Lorenzo (Shubunkin Park, Akani Sands)
MD4: Kurumada 0-1 Bettia
MD5: Bettia 3-1 Kericia (The Stamping Ground, Lorshill)
MD6: Audioslavia 2-0 Bettia
MD7: Bedistan vs Bettia (South Coast Arena, Hendersonburg)
MD8: PopularFreedom vs Bettia
MD9: Bettia vs Viszonia (The Campus Ground, Grappenhall)
MD10: San-Lorenzo vs Bettia
MD11: Bettia vs Kurumada (Thamitra Gate, Tamrida)
MD12: Kericia vs Bettia
MD13: Bettia vs Audioslavia (Al-Fath Stadium, Sukatra)
MD14: Bettia vs Bedistan (Stadiwm Bettia, Gabalfa)

(OOC: weeping like a hubcup at Audioslavia's RP - good work fella! Just one thing though - Bettians are all teetotal.)

Conures Struggle to draw in Nobbsinia

Hurfordia's poor form continued as they struggled to a 1-1 draw in Nobbsinia.

After their performance in the Baptism of Fire, Hurfordian fans could have been forgiven for a bit of optimism. Unfortunately, the step up to the Wolrd Cup has been a little higher than they might have expected.

Their questionable form continued in Nobbsinia, where their cause was not helped by a virus which laid low James Holsworthy, Alan Denning and stand-in defender Neil Bristowe. Fortunately, all three should be fit in time for the next match, which will also see the return of Brendan O'Halloran from suspension.

Nobbsinia dominated the play throughout most of the match, and really shoudl have scored within the first three minutes, as Sedley fumbled an easy cross. Fortunately the Nobbsinia defender put the ball just over the bar. Their constant pressure was rewarded after 15 minutes, as a free-kick hit with power broke through the wall and found the bottom corner. The score remained that way until half time, although Sedley's superb form was all that prevented the score being considerably higher.

Nobbsinia, however, seemed to exhaust themselves with their efforts in the first half, and couldn't quite get back to form in the second. Not that Hurfordia were much better, as passes frequently went astray, and half chances were missed. It took until injury time to bail them out, as Rawlling, a substitute for the disappointing Sargeant, found himself in some space as a tired looking Nobbsinia defence stood back. His charge into the area took him clear of the defence, and left him one-on-one with the goalkeeper. His clever spin on the ball took him neatly around the desparing keeper, and let him slide the ball into the net. It was one of few highlights for the Conures, who will have to do better if they have real ambitions for qualifying.


Team;
Sedley; Robson, Johnston, Horvath, Woods; Lebrun, Dawkins, Sulla; Collins, Sargeant (Rawling 80'), Stimpson

Scorer; Rawling 90'

In other news, Fleet police confirmed that eight fans have been charged with offences arising from incidcents following the Cockbill Street match, in which both team busses were hit with objects. Two of the defendants have been charged with mailicious damage, and the rest with minor public order offences. All of them have been charged with affray. The County government has promised that any who are found guilty will be seeverly punished.

http://i21.photobucket.com/albums/b274/John_Spinks/Elrichlogopaint.jpg

"DIFFERENT GRAVY"

Elrich's quality second-half strike earns Kingdom 2-1 win

Righteous Beliefs 1 - 2 Elrich

A 74th minute wonder-goal from Badgers' striker Elrich earned the Kingdom a 2-1 win at Righteous Beliefs. Despite Jimmy Grimble being available after injury, Bassett kept faith in the side who defeated the Jam Doughnut 2-0 in the last match and they did not let him down.

Playing attractive, attacking football the Kingdom dominated the early stages with Jamie Nudge going close on two occasions early on. But after 32 minutes it was Righteous Beliefs who took the lead, when static marking in the penalty area allowed a free header from a corner to power past the helpless Burns. Elrich were on level terms before half-time, with five minutes until the break, defender Peter Spinks rose highest to glance Zebedee's corner into the far corner. His first international goal was met with crazy celebrations from the travelling Elrichian faithful. Spinks must still have been on a high after his goal, when he played every-one onside and allowed the opposing striker to race through on goal only to be denied by a great stop from Gordon Burns.

Elrich controlled the second half, but seemed to lack the final touch in the penalty area. Superb wing-play from Zebedee and Matthew Allen gave countless opportunities for the Badgers but a mixture of poor finishing and heroic defending kept the score at 1-1. But the Badgers finally got their reward in the 74th minute with a goal fit to win any game. Elrich, who had drifted across to the left-touchline cut inside before unleashing an unstoppable 30 yard curler into the far top hand corner of the net. The Elrichian bench and support went absolutely bonkers as it looked as if the Kingdom would hang on for their second straight win. And they did, with few late scares much to the delight of manager Bassett.

"We played well tonight, especially going forward. We looked a bit sloppy in defense at times but the win is what is important. Our second goal was unbelievable - different gravy - but that's what you need at times in football. A moment of brilliance, out of nothing, can sometimes be the only way through a stout defense. I said these games were winnable and we've proved that, now we need to push on and keep our run going. As long as we stay confident and get a bit of luck who knows. Liampolis-Liamton have been the surprise-package in our group, but I think we can get a result."

http://i21.photobucket.com/albums/b274/John_Spinks/bassett.jpg

Final Score - Righteous Beliefs 1 - 2 Elrich

Elrich - Burns, Scott, Hodgins, P Spinks, Jones, Zebedee, Allen, J Spinks (Ino 90), Banks, Nudge (Grimble 78), Elrich

Jeruselem Government News

What's Haperding doc?

Jeruselem lost it's second game in the World Cup XXIV today.
The coach resting a few key players, put some of the younger members to play Haperd and the experiment failed. Jeruselem lost to Haperd 2-1 and lost top spot as well. Haperd who are either good, indifferent or just really bad - completed an upset to boost it's chances to making the top 3. We really don't understand the Haperd team, with 2 wins, draws and losses you cannot predic their form on the day.

Crystilakere made Hypocria's life really hard sinking it to 2nd last. They ran riot and trashed a sad Hypocria 4-0 to reclaim top spot from Jeruselem. Hypocria is only 3 points behind 3rd spot, so not all is lost.

Ruventsoria should have beated Southern Manchester, but failed to take advantage of Jeruselem's loss with a horrible NIL ALL draw. Southern Manchester got a point but Ruventsoria are still 3rd despite Haperd's win.

Klakistany and 0-0 Is Evil clashed. The score was not NIL ALL but ONE ALL. A better game than the NIL ALL draw but it didn't really help either team move anyway.

Still Group 7 is really tight. 8 point separate 1st from last and 4 points between 3rd and last. We need some help predicting this group!

Group 7
Jeruselem 1 - 2 Haperd
Crystilakere 4 - 0 Hypocria
0-0 Is Evil 1 - 1 Klakistany
Southern Manchester 0 - 0 Ruventsoria



Group 7 Pl W D L F A Pts GD
Crystilakere 6 4 1 1 16 3 13 +13
Jeruselem 6 4 0 2 12 6 12 +6
Ruventsoria 6 2 3 1 9 8 9 +1
Haperd 6 2 2 2 9 9 8 0
Klakistany 6 2 1 3 7 11 7 -4
Southern Manchester 6 2 1 3 5 10 7 -5
Hypocria 6 2 1 3 4 10 6 -6
0-0 Is Evil 6 1 2 3 4 9 5 -5

William is in his office. His constant contemplation of when he's going to masturbate next has completely bored him, and so he roots through one of the many drawers on his desk. "Hey" he thinks. "Haven't seen this in a while..."


Audioslavia's Football Statistics

World Cup 4
Qualifying
W4-2 Enelando
L1-2 Alhana Catherine
W3-2 Dyelibeybi
L1-2 Lemmitania
W3-1 Divine Llama
L0-1 Lunatic Goofballs

Finals
D3-3 Kingsford
W2-1 Jurrasica
D1-1 Europa Brittania
D1-1 Lemmitania (D1-1AET L2-3PEN)

P W D L F A
10 4 2 4 19 16

World Cup 5
Qualifiers
L0-4 Squornshelous
L0-3 One Red Dot
L0-1 Hendland
W4-0 Halfassedstates
W3-2 Caras Sidh
W2-1 Dark Outcasts
D1-1 Christofi
L1-2 Moyk

P W D L F A
8 3 1 4 11 14

World Cup 6
Qualifying
W2-0 Great White Sharks
D3-3 _AMP
W4-3 Porvoo
W4-1 Jay Cutter
W3-2 Cobra Cult
W6-0 Iuthia
D1-1 Starving Children
W2-1 Great White Sharks
D1-1 _AMP
W1-0 Porvoo
L2-3 Jay Cutter
D1-1 Cobra Cult
W2-0 Iuthia
L2-3 Starving Children

Finals
L0-3 Spaam
D1-1 Lemmitania
W2-1 Cobra Cult

P W D L F A
17 9 5 3 37 24

World Cup VII
Finals
L3-4 Malundar
W3-1 Liverpool England
W1-0 Kingsford
L2-4 Errinundera (AET)

P W D L F A
4 2 0 2 9 9

World Cup VIII
Qualifiers
W4-0 Sycoes
L1-2 Black Eagle Corps.
W2-1 Voyger
W2-0 Demonic Beings
D1-1 Quohog
D1-1 Sycoes
D0-0 Black Eagle Corps
D2-2 Voyger
D0-0 Demonic Beings
D1-1 Quohog

Finals
L1-2 Halfassedstates
L2-3 The Belmore Family
W3-1 Bullonien

P W D L F A
13 4 6 3 20 14

World Cup IX
Qualifiers
W2-0 Clearwater
L0-2 Lanky Dude
D1-1 Sensual Products
L0-1 East Spaam
D0-0 Timway
L0-1 Aquilla
W2-0 Spaam
W3-1 Clearwater
W3-1 Lanky Dude
W1-0 Sensual Products
W2-0 East Spaam
W3-2 Timway
D0-0 Aquilla
L0-1 Spaam

Finals
L1-2 The Belmore Family
D1-1 Oglethorpia
W1-0 Nikea

P W D L F A
17 8 4 5 20 13

World Cup 10
Qualifiers
W2-1 Svecia
W3-0 Dauragons
L1-2 Zinkoland
W3-0 Citta Acqua
L1-2 Dragonian Empire
W2-0 Davii
L0-1 Clearwater
W3-1 Ravenspire
W1-0 Svecia
W3-0 Dauragons
L2-3 Zinkoland
W2-0 Citta Acqua
W2-1 Dragonian Empire
W3-1 Davii
L0-1 Clearwater
D1-1 Ravenspire

Finals
L1-2 Lemmitania
W1-0 Total 'n Utter Insanity
W3-0 Commerce Heights
L0-1 Kingsford

P W D L F A
20 12 1 7 34 17

World Cup 11
Qualifiers
D0-0 Oddslavo
W1-0 Mattigool
W3-0 Lynnwoode
W2-0 Artemsia Absentia
W2-0 Ice Reavers
L0-2 Aquilla
W2-0 Big Butts
D0-0 Oddslavo
W4-1 Mattigool
W2-1 Lynnwoode
W2-0 Artemsia Absentia
W4-0 Ice Reavers
D1-1 Aquilla
D1-1 Big Butts

Finals
W1-0 Total n Utter Insanity
W3-2 Runaway Moose
W1-0 Kerla
L0-1 Europa Brittania

P W D L F A
18 12 4 2 29 9

World Cup XII
Qualifying
W2-1 EL CID THE HERO
D1-1 Iansisle
W4-0 Abysmalistan
L0-1 East Spaam
W4-2 James A Hollar
L1-2 Eaglet
W5-2 Gaddland
D2-2 EL CID THE HERO
W1-0 Iansisle
W2-0 Abysmalistan
L1-2 East Spaam
W1-0 James A Hollar
D0-0 Eaglet
D2-2 Gaddland

Finals
W2-1 NASTIC 2
L0-3 Oglethorpia
W3-1 Gesamkuntswerk
W2-1 Europa Brittania
W5-4 Squornshelous
W4-3 Commerce Heights
L1-1 Rejistania (1-1 AET, 2-3 on penalties)

P W D L F A
21 12 4 5 43 30

World Cup 13
Qualifiers
W2-0 Magnus Valerius
W2-0 Avenging Altos
W1-0 Free Radicals of Mu-Mu
L0-2 NEWI Cefn Druids
W4-0 Fahigland
L1-3 Bedistan
W2-0 Iansisle
W2-0 Dennisov
W3-0 Resistencia
W4-0 Magnus Valerius
W1-0 Avenging Altos
W1-0 Free Radicals of Mu-Mu
W4-1 NEWI Cefn Druids
D0-0 Fahigland
W1-0 Bedistan
D0-0 Iansisle
W1-0 Dennisov
W3-0 Resistencia

Finals
W2-0 Kerla
D1-1 Liverpool England
D0-0 Sliponia
L1-2 Spaam

P W D L F A
22 14 5 3 36 9

World Cup 14
Qualifying
W2-0 New Luca
D1-1 The Eagles Nest
L0-3 Total n Utter Insanity
D2-2 East Spaam
W2-1 Grand Master Mark
W3-1 New Montreal States
W1-0 Presgreif
W1-0 Larkinia
W2-0 Kendelstand
W3-1 New Luca
L0-2 The Eagles Nest
W2-1 Total 'n Utter Insanity
D1-1 East Spaam
W2-1 Grand Master Mark
W2-0 New Montreal States
W4-2 Presgrief
W2-1 Larkinia
W2-1 Kendelstand

Finals
W2-0 Kerla
L0-3 Brazillico
W1-0 Kaze Progressa
L0-1 Eauz

P W D L F A
22 15 3 4 35 22

World Cup 15
Qualifiers
W1-0 Isles of Wohlstand
L0-1 Commerce Heights
L0-1 Jerusalem
W1-0 Creedence Clearwater
W3-0 Raptor Claw
W3-0 Ineptia
W3-0 Kipto Mare
W3-0 Boscioto
W2-0 Sportonia
W1-0 Isles of Wohlstand
D1-1 Commerce Heights
W2-0 Jerusalem
W4-1 Creedence Clearwater
W2-1 Raptor Claw
W3-1 Ineptia
W2-0 Kipto Mare
W1-0 Boscioto
W2-0 Sportonia

Finals
D2-2 Kingsford
L0-2 Lovisa
W2-1 Aquilla

P W D L F A
21 16 2 3 38 11

World Cup 16
Qualifiers
W6-0 Adrasuvare
W3-2 Vilita
W2-1 Raptor Claw
W3-1 Redavic Union
D2-2 Hazlia
W4-1 Adrasuvare
W2-0 Vilita
D3-3 Raptor Claw
W1-0 The Redavic Union
W4-0 Hazlia

Finals
W3-0 Iansisle
D3-3 Oaker
D2-2 Kingsford
L0-2 Rejistania

P W D L F A
14 9 4 1 38 17

World Cup 17
Qualifiers
W3-0 Magnus Valerius
L0-1 Ebon Hawk
W3-2 Isles Of Wohlstand
W3-1 Big Pimento
L1-4 Squornshelous
W5-2 Cockbill Street
D0-0 The Weegies
W2-0 Magnus Valerius
W3-0 Ebon Hawk
W1-0 Isles of Wohlstand
D3-3 Big Pimento
D0-0 Squornshelous
D1-1 Cockbill Street
W3-1 The Weegies
W2-1 Halfassedstates

Finals
W2-1 Starblaydia
W5-4 NEWI Cefn Druids
W3-2 The Lowland Clans
D1-1 Aquiliana (L1-2 AET)

P W D L F A
19 12 4 3 41 25

World Cup 18
Qualifiers
W4-1 Vollmeria
W2-0 Tadjikistan
W3-0 Avenging Altos
L1-2 Druida
W3-0 Cockbill Street
W2-0 Oaker
W5-0 Kipto Mare
W4-0 Vollmeria
W3-0 Tadjikistan
W1-0 Avenging Altos
W4-0 Druida
D1-1 Cockbill Street
W3-1 Oaker
W3-0 Kipto Mare

Finals
W2-1 Tadjikistan
W2-1 Aquilliana
D0-0 Commerce Heights
W1-0 Snub Nose 38
L0-3 Kaze Progressa

P W D L F A
19 15 2 2 45 10

Eagles Cup V
L2-3 Starblaydia
W3-1 Turori
D0-0 Legalese
L0-1 Starblaydia
W3-1 Turori
D1-1 Legalese
W3-1 Liverpool England
W1-0 The Belmore Family
L0-1 Bedistan

P W D L F A
9 4 2 3 13 9

World Cup 19
W1-0 Slaikau
W3-0 Antixillian Fatwah
W3-1 Middle March
W5-0 Zvarinograd
W2-1 The Lowland Clans
D1-1 Sarzonia
W2-1 Lykaia
W4-2 Slaikau
W2-0 Antixillian Fatwah
W4-0 Middle March
W1-0 Zvarinograd
D2-2 The Lowland Clans
W3-2 Sarzonia
D1-1 Lykaia

Finals
W3-0 Cockbill Street
D1-1 Commerce Heights
L0-1 Lovisa
D1-1 Nova Britannicus (1-1 AET, W7-6 on penalties)
W1-0 Turori
D0-0 Dance 2 Revolution (0-0 AET, W4-3 on penalties)
L0-1 Crystilakere

P W D L F A
21 15 4 2 40 14

World Cup 20
Qualifying
W3-1 Spaam
W3-0 Giant Zucchini
W2-0 East Lithuania
W1-0 San Verdi
W1-0 One Red Dot
W2-1 Snub Nose 38
W2-0 Wella
D1-1 Spaam
D1-1 Giant Zucchini
D2-2 East Lithuania
W2-0 San Verdi
L2-3 One Red Dot
D1-1 Snub Nose 38
W4-2 Wella

Finals
L1-2 The Lowland Clans
W3-1 Liverpool England
W2-1 Bedistan
W2-0 One Red Dot
W1-0 Bedistan
W5-3 Squornshelous
L0-1 Vilita

P W D L F A
20 14 4 3 41 20

Jurassic Invitational Cup
D2-2 Cockbill Street
W4-2 Bedistan
W5-1 Haperd
W2-1 South Osettia
W1-0 Turori
L1-2 Bedistan
L1-2 Squornshelous

P W D L F A
7 4 1 2 16 10

World Cup 21
L1-2 Oceaice
W2-0 Funny Looking Islands
W2-0 Sonaron
L1-3 Nova Britannicus
W3-1 Haperd
D1-1 Kylaai
W3-1 Oceaice
W1-0 Funny Looking Islands
L0-3 Sonaron
D1-1 Nova Britannicus
W2-0 Haperd
D2-2 Kylaai
W4-0 Iansisle
W1-0 Iansisle

Finals
W2-0 Nova Britannicus
W2-0 Lethisvania
L1-2 Oaker
W1-0 Turori
L1-2 Total 'n Utter Insanity

P W D L F A
19 12 3 5 31 18

World Cup 22
Qualifying
W2-0 Black Yellow
W5-0 Rittarstan
L0-1 Chicanda
W2-0 Wella
W4-1 The Belmore Family
W2-0 Black Yellow
W1-0 Rittarstan
W4-0 Chicanda
W2-0 Wella
W2-0 The Belmore Family

Finals
L1-2 Crystilakere
W3-0 Wella
D1-1 Oaker

P W D L F A
13 10 1 2 29 5

World Cup 23
Qualifying
W1-0 Invincible BoB
W3-1 Spurland
W1-0 Kingsford
W1-0 NEWI Cefn Druida
D0-0 Liverpool England
W3-1 Liamist States
W3-0 Euroslavia
D0-0 Invincible BoB
D0-0 Spurland
W1-0 Kingsford
W2-0 NEWI Cefn Druids
W2-1 Liverpool England
W3-1 Liamist States
W1-0 Euroslavia

Finals
D0-0 Commerce Heights
D0-0 Chicanda
D1-1 Sarzonia

P W D L F A
17 11 6 0 22 5

World Cup 24
Qualifying
L0-1 Kurumada
W2-1 Popular Freedom
W4-0 Viszonia
D1-1 San-Lorenzo
D0-0 Bedistan
W2-0 Bettia
W3-1 Kericia
W1-0 Kurumada
W2-0 Popular Freedom
L0-1 Viszonia


P W D L F A
10 6 2 2 15 5

All-time statistics
P W D L F A
362 222 70 70 650 287

History
Tournament Rank Progress
World Cup 1 - N/A, Didn't Participate
World Cup 2 - N/A, Didn't Participate
World Cup 3 - N/A, Didn't Participate
World Cup 4 - 100, Second Round
World Cup 5 - 011, Didn't Qualify
World Cup 6 - 040, First Round
World Cup 7 - 020, Second Round
World Cup 8 - 013, First Round
World Cup 9 - 018, First Round
World Cup 10- 018, Second Round
World Cup 11- 011, Second Round
World Cup 12- 004, Runner-Up
World Cup 13- 002, Second Round
World Cup 14- 006, Second Round
World Cup 15- 005, First Round
World Cup 16- 009, Second Round
World Cup 17- 006, Second Round
World Cup 18- 006, Quarter Final (Eagles Cup 5, Runner-Up)
World Cup 19- 006, Runner-Up
World Cup 20- 001, Runner-Up (Jurassic Invitational Cup, Fourth Place)
World Cup 21- 001, Quarter Final
World Cup 22- 005, First Round
World Cup 23- 009, First Round
World Cup 24- 018, N/A

Records:
Biggest Win: 6-0 Vs Iuthia, 6-0 Vs Adrasuvare
Biggest Defeat: 0-4 Vs Squornshelous

"Wow, 644 goals scored, 285 conceded... wait, 644285... thats Vilkaous' phone number..."

The DFA, in an eager mad rush to get off on their holidays, have decided to keep all the half-way stage awards that they were going to give out so sell for scrap. Still, they managed time to publish the matchday seven scores (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showthread.php?p=9508013#post9508013).

Stars stare at spoon, 0-0

WOODSTOCK (ASP) -- After Sarzonia managed to put distance between themselves and 16th ranked Commerce Heights, the Stars figured to stretch their advantage going into their final match of the first leg of World Cup XXIV qualifying. However, an offence that looked like world beaters for two matches suddenly went dormant against a team that had never beaten the Stars in two tries and Sarzonia ended up settling for a 0-0 draw in front of 54,218 disappointed supporters at Bryan Marshall Stadium.

The Stars (6-1-0, 19 points) wasted several golden scoring opportunities, including a Barry Alphonso header in the 19th minute that struck the crossbar and caromed to the goalkeeper, who punched the ball out of danger. Even legendary Sarzonian forward Brian Wilson wasn't immune to the struggles, pushing his 34 yard free kick just to the left of the upright for a goal kick.

"We had our chances to bury them," Coach Dave Wilson said. "Both in this match and in the table. We didn't do that." The draw gave Kylaai their first point in three matches against the Stars in a series that began in the Baptism of Fire Cup before World Cup XVI.

Whilst the Stars were rueing missed opportunities, they still gained a point on Commerce Heights when the Capitalizts lost 1-0 to Caprine States. Brazillico defeated Disjoepia 2-1, and Scorthona and Chileany played to a 2-2 draw. The Stars are now seven points clear of Caprine States for one of the two automatic bids to World Cup XXIV.

"Kylaai are a much different team from the ones we faced in the Baptism of Fire Cup and in the Cup of Harmony," assistant coach Barry Owens said. "I was still playing right around the time we faced those lads. They've definitely grown their programme."

Scorthona are next on the agenda for Sarzonia, and the team filed toward the chartered jet that would take them there aware of a heavy military escort. Tensions between a coalition including Sarzonia, Praetonia, and Hogsweat and a Automagfreek-led coalition that includes Pantera and Aequatio have begun to escalate and analysts are predicting war. Right now, Dave Wilson said the tensions would not affect the team's preparations for away matches.

"We've been through this before," he said. "We're going to have to watch ourselves, yes, but it's not like we've never played under the shadow of war."

PALADINS COASTING

0-0 result with Lox Land Island not making anyone happy

LOX LAND ISLAND - The Paladins went on cruise control last night, turning in an unspired offensive performance to draw LLI 0-0.

"We played like sacks of sh*t," said coach Filon. "We went out there and went limper than Rafael Palmeiro without Viagra."

Fullbacks Alain Richard and Sylvain Dentelle provided most of the excitement, delivering some spectacular tackles and turning in a solid defensive perfomance to save the point.

"With the ball in our side 58% of the time, I'm pretty grateful that Alain and Sylvain were there to save our sorry asses," commented Filon on their performances. Richard had this to say: "Meh, we did our jobs, nothing more, nothing less. Hopefully next time we can do it all over again." Dentelle had nothing to say, but stood behind Richard's comments.

TOMORROW

The Paladins head home to Angiers to face Tadjikistan. Their first match was a 3-1 loss for Angiers Area Polytech. Filon had this to say: "We sucked on both sides of the ball last time, so all we can do is hope that they've pulled together a bit. At least let's not get blown out again."

Shawn Peruvo sat slumped in the lockerroom. He still could not believe that he and his mates had lost to the Viszonia team 2-0. Man was he pissed.

He rubbed his leg as he looked at the mark the flare had made. Crazy fans he thought to himself as he thought of the events at the end of the match. The fans in a lousy mood after the two goals were scored in the last 5 minutes of the match started hurling things at the field. It could have been worse he thought as he saw goalie Peter Locart hobble over with an icepack around his arm.

Shawn reflected back on the last 5 minutes of the game, the teams were even when coach Viltacore pulled the defense up to try for a final push for a goal, Viszonia however burned them sending one of their forwards on a run scoring a goal behind Locart.

The Shark fans started to roar in anger at this and of course now it was urgent that the Sharks scored so they pulled everyone up for the last few minutes and of course got burned again by another Viszonia breakaway.

The match was called and then the crowd rained debree on the field as the riot squad went to work in the stands. Peruvo remembered looking around as he saw the Viszonia players running for their lives to their dressing room. He remembered looking up into the stands and seeing the riot squad beating some of the more troublesome of the hooligans who were already wearing gasmasks.

Midfielder John Collins saw Peruvo daydreaming in the locker room and yelled at him, 'hey Peruvo how you figure they smuggled those gasmasks and flares into the stadium anyhow?'

Peruvo ignored him as he continued to daydream about the end of the match. How he and the other Sharks looked around, one even joking that, 'the sad part is had they not reacted like this I would wonder what is wrong'.

Then the flares came. Peruvo remember reacting in shock as he saw a number of red blasts coming from the stands towards him. He and the rest of the team then likewise panicked and made for the locker rooms though not before one of the metal chairs that were nailed to the stadium ground had been ripped out and hurled at the team hitting Locart in the the arm.

'Hey Peruvo', Collins comes over and smacks him on the arm with a towel.

'Peruvo, how you figure they smuggled the flares in'? Collins repeated himself.

Peruvo just shrugged his shoulders before noticing the television. 'Hey isn't that Jodoski? Turn up the volume!'

'Reporting live from the capital of Trotsgrad in The Sunbelt region it is the Julia Dea show!'

MUSIC: Da da da da, da da da da (music plays for a minute before the attractive host comes on the stage).

Julia Dea: Now do I have a show for you! We have the president of Rockstar Games talking about the upcoming release of the latest Grand Theft Auto series, GTA Baghdad! First however, do we have a treat for you!

Audience: WHAT JULIA?

Julia Dea: At only 19 years of age this hunk of a man has made a name for himself on the international football stage and was recently playing in the World Cup prior to an incident that caused him to be banned for at least one year, my guest is none other than Johan Jodoski!

Johan comes onto the stage while the band plays and smiles and waves at the audience as he sits down in a chair. As the music dies down they begin their conversation.

Julia Dea: Welcome Johan, I see you are wearing the football shirt of the Grand Beach Surfers, #2 ranked in the Trotsgrad nation. Any reason for that.

Johan Jodoski: Of course, as a native of PopularFreedom I wish to play football for my country, however they do not want me to play for them so I have chosen someone else, a much better team, more civilized fans than the morons who live in Loyalty Bay, and a team that could crush any PopularFreedom football team at anytime.

Julia Dea: Congrats though are you not afraid to go back home after making such comments...

Johan cuts Julia off while standing up and turning around...

Johan Jodoski: You see this?

Johan drops his pants revealing his rearend.

Johan Jodoski: I just want to say to all in PopularFreedom that you can kiss my @$$!

Johan pulls up his pants and sits back down.

Johan Jodoski: That is all I have to say, I'll let the goals I'm gonna score for the Grand Beach Surfers do the rest of the talking for me.

Julia Dea: Well there you have it! Straight from the mouth of football phenom Johan Jodoski, he has joined the Grand Beach Surfers and has told all in his former home country to kiss his rearend. Coming up on the Julia Dea show we have an interview with dictator Pauline Soros of Trebnak and compare her to the previous dictator Hemler Trebnak, right after our commerical break.

Television monitors show scenes from when the late Hemler Trebnak visited the Julia Dea show in June of this year (http://s4.invisionfree.com/The_Sunbelt/index.php?showtopic=232&st=31) as they cut to commercial.




CLICK HERE FOR THE CONTINUATION OF THIS STORY (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=9508697&postcount=296)

OOC: the nations of Trotsgrad and Trebnak are nations controlled by me in a different region from the Heartland that are run as seperate entities from PopularFreedom (meaning that the governments of PopularFreedom, Trebnak, and Trotsgrad are completely seperate from one another as US is from China in the real world)

Progressa TeleSport messageboard following the draw against The Archregimancy

THIRD AT THE HALFWAY STAGE!!!! GET IN THERE!!! WE'RE GOING TO QUALIFY!!! [arista943]

Great performance from The Archregimancy, they really showed their magic and we did pretty well to come away with a draw. We're still third but it's far too close - it's obvious Rejistania and Eauz are going through, we knew that anyway, but anyone else could get the playoff spot. [theguru22]

We should have beaten them - but they played well and we're still third. We're doing better than we expected, keep it up guys! [pofacedlunatick]

What a fabulous performance by their goalkeeper - we needed a deflection to beat him, and thank goodness we got it! I don't know what magic he's been exposed to, but I want our lads to be exposed to it too! [the_newbie_slayer]

We're still not expected to qualify. Don't forget, even if we come third we'd have a playoff against the third-placed team in Group 9 - which looks like it'll be Nedalia at the moment, or maybe Oliverry. Frighteningly, it might be Squornshelous - but then, we got lucky against them in that semi-final...

All told though, we've not ashamed ourselves once since the 5-0 defeat to Rejistania. Can't wait to play them at the Progressair - I'd love to get some revenge! [remember_luv0]

CLICK HERE: to read the previous article in relation to this one (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=9508414&postcount=294)

Location: Loyalty Bay, PopularFreedom

Julio Davise got to the police station just prior to the beginning of his shift. Boy was he pissed. He just finished watching his team, the PopularFreedom Sharks lose, then the international interview with Johan Jodoski with Julia Dea on television. He thought to himself he felt sorry for any criminal pissing him off today.

Captain Luke: 'Hey Davise!'

Julio looked at the far end of the hall to see his captain motioning for him to hurry it up.

Julio Davise: 'Luke what is going on?', Julio noted to his captain once they were closer.

Captain Luke: 'There is a huge mob firebombing one of the mansions down on Ridgeview Road. We gotta suit up with the riot squad to deal with it', his captain responded.

Julio Davise: 'Just one mansion? What is the addy? Who lives there?' Julio thought to himself of what event in the past few days could have caused the citizens to go mad to target one specific house.

Captain Luke: His captain said one sentence and everything else made perfect sense. 'Johan Jodoski used to live there and still owns the place'

Julio Davise: Julio laughed while noting to his captain, 'are we going to battle with the crowd or help them?'

His captain chuckled as they hurried to their squad cars.

http://www.geocities.com/lifeobrien/bull.txt

Kericia-later

An impressive 3-1 win put the 'slaves in second place in group eleven. After a horrendous start to the qualifiers put Audioslavia in mid-table after dissappointing results against Kurumada and San-Lorenzo and a scraped win over Popular Freedom, Audioslavia finally look like coming good.

The Kericia win was confortable from start to finish. Kristen Dvorak, in his first game since his injury, scored the opener and made the second one for McCosstessey in the first forty-five minutes. Jeroen got the third after half-time. The only set-back came with a well-taken goal from the Kerician number ten, beating Ceulemans and thumping the ball low and hard past Gabe Celta.


Group 11 Pl W D L F A Pts GD
Bedistan 7 5 2 0 13 1 17 +12
Audioslavia 7 4 2 1 12 4 14 +8
Bettia 7 4 1 2 13 8 13 +5
Kericia 7 3 2 2 11 10 11 +1
PopularFreedom 7 2 1 4 6 9 7 -3
Kurumada 7 2 1 4 4 9 7 -5
San-Lorenzo 7 1 2 4 6 14 5 -8
Viszonia 7 1 1 5 6 16 4 -10

The result puts Audioslavia in second place, just three points behind Bedistan who look pretty much uncatchable at the top. The 'slaves are nowhere near safe though, with Bettia just a point behind and playing infinitely better against the lower sides than the 'slaves. Kericia pose an outside threat; they proved they're capable of taking points off of the top sides in their 0-0 draw with Bedistan, despite being being beaten 3-1 by the 'slaves and Bettia. Popular Freedom are the only other real threat in the group at the minute, despite an awul loss to Viszonia. If they can take four or five points from the top teams and get another few good wins against the bottom teams then theres a good chance that they could challenge for third. However, thats probably ownly possible if they can get their crowd sorted out.

Kodiak Daily Rabbler
Pride May Be Returning...Sorta

National Side Drops Third Game At The Swing
Hope for a remedy against South Packerlands

The Kodiaks got some great action today but Olani Pjan's goal in the 5th minute was not enough, as a faster Oaker strikeside was ablet o get the ball in twice in the second half and keep the Kodiaks six points out of the automatics at the halfway point.

Raslan Seregn played well in his return after resting during the 2-all Cockbill Street match but allowed a header to get to the left of him in the 63rd minute as well as a penalty kick in the 80th that ended the Kodiak's chances of being a giant killer for a day.

Most had figured the Kodiaks would have had Oaker's record of 5-1-1 but their very rough swing against rookie squads put them at 3-1-3 with 10 points and three very pesky squads breathing down their neck. However, all the major sports dailys still keep some faith in the Kodiaks with most having them making at the very least the playoffs. ChicanadaSun and Sky News, two very critical papers of the team lately, still have them somehow winning the group thanks to four home games, while Cana Daily, Rabbler, Canal and World Soccer have them in the playoffs.

Kodiaks XXIV World Cup Schedule
MD01: The South Packerlands [W 2-1]
MD02: @ Nobbsinia [L 0-1]
MD03: Hurfordia [L 1-3]
MD04: @ Limbrogidlia [W 3-0]
MD05: Praying2God [W 3-0]
MD06: @ Cockbill Street [T 2-2]
MD07: @ Oaker [L 1-2]
MD08: @ The South Packerlands
MD09: Nobbsinia [at Stadia Lia, Acadia]
MD10: @ Hurfordia
MD11: Limbrogidlia [at Cananite Pavillion, Paradiso]
MD12: @ Praying2God
MD13: Cockbill Street [at Southampton National Square]
MD14: Oaker [at Grand Douala Palazia Centre]

Raabbler Half-Way Review Of Group Play

Group 1:
Did someone forget that Turori said that XXIII was their last cup? Well, they're certainly on the march to be a favorite to win yet again, and while Nova looks good we're thinking Milchama might just sneak past them and into the automatic, leaving the Britannicusers to the playoffs.

Group 2:
Can the Bidpedal Apes surprise all? Most certainly, as we see them and Liverpool making the Finals with Lovisa and the Liamist States duking it out for the playoffs - and the States winning their way into the home/home set.

Group 3:
Just pencil in TnUI and Tadjikistan. New Montreal State have enough to hold off Spruitland, but don't count them out just yet.

Group 4:
Starblaydia finally got back into contention and should be joining Fmjphoenix in the Finals. Harlesburg should make the playoffs and the Finals.

Group 5:
Have FCN or ORD never made it? They always seem in contention for the finals and should see that continue this year. Casari needs a strong run to get ahead of Kipto-Mare and may not have enough to do it.

Group 6:
As we said, Cockbill Street, Oaker and Chicanada will be the top 3...just pick an order. The Kodiaks need to get revenge on Nobbsinia and Hurfordia to make that a lock, however.

Group 7:
Crystilakere and Jeruselem should just order their tickets now. They've looked fantastic in play and should have no problems (besides each other) in the reverse. Ruventsoria could be Cinderelly but Haperd has some history and could mess things up for the top 3 so far.

Group 8:
The reiging champs and the Capitalizts should have no problems advancing unless Sarzonia continues to have some scoring problems. Third chair should be Kylaai, once they catch up with the Caprine States.

Group 9:
EL CID and Nedalia are our picks to make the Finals from this group. We see Squornshelous making the playoffs over Oliverry and should join Harlesburg and Chicanada in the Finals from that final set.

Group 10:
Last cup's hosts should have no problems making it. Kaze Process, making it's triumphant return to the sport, are the sentimental faves to make the playoffs and be one of the last six in.

Group 11:
Audioslavia got right and should be making it through with Bedistan. Bettia, who's doing an outstanding job, looks like they could be a Finals contender from the playoffs.

Grooup 12:
Vilita and Svecia make it look easy and are moving on. We're oplacing our bets on HC to sneak past the puppet and the Oogles to make a playoff run.

Predicted final six in (via playoffs): Chicanada, Harlesburg, Kaze Process, Bettia, Liamist States, Squornshelous
Predicted Final: Sarzonia v Turori
Predicted Cinderella: Milchama
Predicted Biggest Name Not Making It: Nova Britannicus, Kylaai
----------------------------------------------------------------------

We have faith that a group victory is possible...but we're most certainly not holding our breaths. - ChicanadaSun.org

Excellent game against Oaker except for the defense collapsing again and trying to make Pjan and Seregn do everything. Westington and Yeo need to get their heads in gear (as captains) or get off the team. - Cana Daily Press

Win against Packerlands or this thing is a wash. - Canal

Chi Sun-Times-Tribune-Star-News

Sports Section

Inside: Fairbanks job safe MFA considering sending Thibault to coach U21s

Milchama beats Dauna Hills 3-0. Qualification possible

In their best game of qualifying so far the Milchama Warriors destroyed Dauna Hills today 3-0. This match meant that what looked nearly impossible only two matchdays with Milchama languishing in 7th place now looks possible, qualification in WC24. Coach Fairbanks said, "So we did what we were supposed to do we beat the teams lower then us. Now comes the tough part against the 4 teams higher then us if we can get one win and 2 draws then we set ourselves up for a much easier road to qualification. If we play like we did in last time in our first 4 matches then we can have a lot of fun in the Cup of Harmony I think."
Match Report:
The Warriors who wanted to impress the fans in New Babylon who are more baseball than soccer fans but like the Warriors none the less. They were not dissapointed as the same lineup that beat Liverpoolian was on the field and just as successful again. Billy Timmons and Johnny Rintell started the game just like against Liverpoolian controlling the midfield making good runs and thru passes. Soon Flinters joined in the midfield and Milchama was putting the pressure on the Dauna Hills defense. Flinters made the play that led to the first goal in the 28th minute. He went on one of his trade mark runs thru the defense and found J.J. Faren on the left side right outside he took two defenders and passed to Faren who took two dribbles before taking a perfect shot into the upper right hand corner for a goal and a 1-0 lead to the Warriors. After the goal the pressure did not let up at all and soon Milchama almost got a second but were denied on a great save by the keeper. In the 38th minute though nothing could stop Floren who made got the ball on a perfect cross from Faren and he put the ball in the net for a 2-0 lead to the Warriors. Half time score 2-0 Milchama.
Second Half:
During half time break it seemed obvious that Coach Fairbanks had been telling the Warriors to play karelan and play karelan they did playing a 5-4-1. Which may not seem karelan to countries such as HC or Rejistania but for Milchama this as defensive as it gets. The Warriors seemed content to play in their half with almost no attack. This made the second half quite a bore as Dauna Hills could not break the Milchama but the Warriors who could have easily counter attacked chose not to and seemed content to throw long ball after long ball to Floren. Finally in the 75th minute Coach Fairbanks allowed the Warriors to play back in their old 3-3-4 formation. This tactical change payed dividence only 3 minutes later when Dunston Copperlee again showed a natural finishing touch scoring by himself from just outside the box on a free kick. After that goal the Warriors went karelan again and the game ended 3-0 to Milchama.
Final Score:
Milchama 3 (Faren 28, Floren 38, Copperlee, 78) ooc: apparently I like the number 8 today
Dauna Hills 0 (U21 defenders rock!)

MFA headquarters Swooton:
President Calvin Chintermantoman: Well now we have to keep Fairbanks. He won his last two game and we could qualify no way we can fire him now.

National Team Director Yehudah Grossman: Well then what about our U21 team what could we do with them. If we keep Fairbanks then we won't have a guy to scout the country and the MFL teams for the best youngsters in the country.

Chintermantoman: Good point. Who did we have apply for our head coaching job? Why don't we ask one of them to coach the U21s?

Grossman: Good idea let me check who there is.
*takes out list*
Neil Kabants- Collonie. Former national team coach sucked it up we finished 7th. Screw him.
Patrice Thibault- New Montreal States. Coached some high schools over there and two of them represent NMS right now. Plus he's foreign so he can't be bad.
*Shows list to Chintermantoman*
Chintermantoman: Considering these reports the guy we have to get is Thibault so let's TG him right away and see if he will accept the job.

Grossman: Ok help me with the words.

Chintermantoman: Looks good to me.

Grossman: Ok let's send it.

To: Patrice Thibault
From: MFA and related entities
After our recent success we realized that we acted in haste in trying to get of current coach Jonathan Fairbanks. So while we reject your offer to become our national team we would like to know if you would want to become coach of our U21 national and head youth coach for all junior teams.

The familiar old apartment in New Montreal

Patrice: Back from the beer run? Here's something to drink to.

Jean-Claude: You regrew your balls?

Patrice: Not quite as good, but I have a job now.

Jean-Claude: Milchama sacked Fairbanks after they went on a winning streak of sorts?

Patrice: Nope, but they're offering me a gig as U21 coach and head of the junior program.

Jean-Claude: And for me?

Patrice: I'll fix it. We always need comic relief during practices.

Jean-Claude: Watch it...

Patrice: What, exactly, do you call spilling a cooler of red Gatorade all over your nice new white shorts and cleats?

Jean-Claude: An innocent mistake that could be made by anyone with a hangover as colossal as the one I had that day?

Patrice: Ha ha. Yeah, you're hired. Just lemme write a reply...

-----------------------

To: The MFA and related entities
From: Patrice Thibault

Sirs -

I accept the position, and request permission to bring along a former teammate and assistant coach of mine to help me implement my program.

Unfortunately the NMS are currently at war, and international flights are problematic, to say the least. I will report as soon as possible, definetly by this time next week.

Patrice Thibault

To: The MFA and related entities
From: Patrice Thibault

Sirs -

I accept the position, and request permission to bring along a former teammate and assistant coach of mine to help me implement my program.

Unfortunately the NMS are currently at war, and international flights are problematic, to say the least. I will report as soon as possible, definetly by this time next week.

Patrice Thibault

MFA headquarters Swooton

President Calvin Chintermantoman: Look at that we already got a reply and he wants to send an assistant coach along.

National Team Director Yehudah Grossman: Perfect. And why the request for the assistant coach who does this is some established football nation. This is Milchama-

President Chitermantoman: So we're not that organized and we don't care about things like people bringing in their own staff. Next time we have to make sure that people know that.

*Phone rings*

Director Grossman: Hey its the Prime Minister's office.

President Chitermantoman: So answer it goddamnet before they get mad at us.

Director Grossman: Hello, Ok, Well I don't know, We could ask but why would care, thank you, bye.

President Chintermantoman: What did he say?

Director Grossman: Congrats on getting a coach from NMS and asked me to see if they want help with their war.

President Chintermantoman: What is it with our government trying to get involved in every war indirectly. Never directly always sending "mercenaries" can't we for once avoid a war.

Director Grossman: Whatever. It doesn't matter we got our coach.

President Chitermantoman: Yep that's what matters.

Director Grossman: Wait! Should we tell him to bring his assistant.

President Chitermantoman: We'll call him.

Director Grossman: Ok. Sounds good. And what about the war?

President Chitermantoman: We'll let the foreign ministry deal with that. That stuff is none of the MFA's business.

Director Grossman: Fine, let's call him and get him and his assistant's here by next week.

"Tabeck hold 'em, laddies?" Khim said, shuffling his ornate deck of cards as his companions took their seats around the green felt table.

"Your call, Khim," Simeone Di Bradini said, motioning for his notoriously quick-fingered brother to roll up his shirt sleeves - a long-standing joke between the group, "where'd you get this new deck?"

"Karak D'Ragh," Khim said after a moment's pause in his shuffle, "Forger's Guild, Third Deep, Second Dungeon, Fourth room on the right-hand side, opposite the dragon-skull." Karak D'Ragh - the City of Quiet Fire - had been home to the Starblaydi Dwarves for unnumerable years, not even their records went that far back. Khim turned his attentions to Nikola, their host for the evening. "Got your chips matey?"

As was their customary rule, the host for the evening was the bank. Their house, they're the House. As it was, their latest location for the bi-monthly poker night was national football manager Nikola "Laser" Lazerevski's hotel room in Tallionis, ready for Matchday Eight. Sure enough it was Nikola's very own "Laser" brand of chips with the laser beam design on one side. There are benefits to being Starblaydia's first sporting legend, of which this was just one.

Around they sat: Nikola Lazerevski, Khim Azanulbizarn, Simeone and Roberto Di Bradini looking at their hole cards and throwing in a few chips - or not, but then that's the whole point of poker.

"Are ye gonna overhaul t'Viking, Nik?" Khim asked over the top of his Ace-Three. The intricate anvil design on the face of his Ace card was no help to him here.

"C'mon, Khim," Simeone said, "easy on the shop talk, besides, it's your bet."

"Mmm-hmmm," the Dwarf acknowledged, tapping the table, "Check."

Simeone quickly followed Khim's lack of a bet by raising a small ammount, the turn passing now to Nikola.

"I'd say," he said, seeing Simeone's bet, "that it didn't look good after those three one-all draws, but being unbeaten with a goal difference of plus-eleven is good enough at this stage. Your bet, stunty, Robb here is too chicken."

"Hey!" Roberto interjected, "I play the cards i get, I can't help it if the best of D'Ragh comes up empty, now can I? Besides, I'd be bluffing too if I were going to take control of the Vilitan team for two matches."

"Ye might think he's bluffin'" Khim said, narrowing his eyes at Simeone's unreadable poker-smirk, "but I don't I'll fold, ye bastid."

"Elrich followed by Liamopolis-Liamthingamy," Simeone said, "coupled with two-pair, cowboys over fours."

"Shit." Nikola cursed, throwing down his cards and watching his self-branded chips slide across the table to the older of the Di Bradini brothers. "You two are in this together, aren't you?"

"You mean it's not a game of bridge?" Simeone laughed. Nikola simply swore again.

"Ye wearing those lucky gold boots of Tumunzahar?" Khim asked. Zhorin had scored four goals in the last three qualifiers and was looking like he was on his way to challenging Simeone for the place as Starblaydia's highest-ever scorer. His tally of 23 goals was just over half of Simeone's, but with a Dwarven lifespan and Tumunzahar's talent, anything was possible.

"I never needed lucky-coloured boots," Simeone said, "If white really was my lucky colour I'd be winning by a lot less here," he chuckled, referring to the value of the white chips as the lowest in the game. Zhorin, however, whas the second-highest goal-scorer in the history of the Starblaydi national team. Coupled with his position as record Under-21 goal-scorer, he was perhaps the Dwarf to bet on to beat Simeone's total of forty-four.

"Ah'll wager," Khim said as he shuffled the deck again, "that Zhorin'll break t'record for goals scored in a campaign. Ah reckon he'll get twelve."

Nikola and Simeone had both managed 11 goals in a World Cup campaign - Qualifiers and Finals included - way back in World Cups 15 and 17 respectively. There was a tally that many thought to be one of the hardest to break for Starblaydi strikers.

"You're on." they both said at once.

Progressa TeleSport messageboard following the draw against The Archregimancy

THIRD AT THE HALFWAY STAGE!!!! GET IN THERE!!! WE'RE GOING TO QUALIFY!!! [arista943]

Great performance from The Archregimancy, they really showed their magic and we did pretty well to come away with a draw. We're still third but it's far too close - it's obvious Rejistania and Eauz are going through, we knew that anyway, but anyone else could get the playoff spot. [theguru22]

We should have beaten them - but they played well and we're still third. We're doing better than we expected, keep it up guys! [pofacedlunatick]

What a fabulous performance by their goalkeeper - we needed a deflection to beat him, and thank goodness we got it! I don't know what magic he's been exposed to, but I want our lads to be exposed to it too! [the_newbie_slayer]

We're still not expected to qualify. Don't forget, even if we come third we'd have a playoff against the third-placed team in Group 9 - which looks like it'll be Nedalia at the moment, or maybe Oliverry. Frighteningly, it might be Squornshelous - but then, we got lucky against them in that semi-final...

All told though, we've not ashamed ourselves once since the 5-0 defeat to Rejistania. Can't wait to play them at the Progressair - I'd love to get some revenge! [remember_luv0]

THE ARCHREGIMANCY BRINGS YOU

A MONASTIC FOOTBALL ASSOCIATION PRESS CONFERENCE

"Greetings Fathers. As most of you know, I'm father Anthony the Spokesman, and I'm here to respond to certain statements recently appearing on the Progressa TeleSport messageboard following our national squad's brave 1-1 draw away against Kaze Progressa.

Let's begin with this statement from 'theguru22'. First of all, as you no doubt know, a 'guru' is a Hindu mystic, and therefore a pagan. No wonder he's mistaken our trust in the Lord our God as 'magic'. Our unexpected success on the field of play is down to little more than prayer, fasting, and the rigorous training regime instituted by Coach Kyrill, Metropolitan of Solovetsky at the suggestion of technical advisor Juan Tzimisces. Otherwise, 'theguru22' is largely accurate in stating that our lads played well, and that Kaze Progressa did well to come away with a draw. Team captain Fr. Polycarp the Venerable is said to be very disappointed that we didn't come away with all three points after starting so well, and taking a 15th minute lead following a delightful long-range chip over the keeper by Fr. David the Water-Drinker.

Next, we have this frankly laughable statement from 'pofacedlunatick" that 'we [Kaze Progressa] should have beaten them'. As you can see, the writer himself confesses to being a lunatic - no doubt an advanced case of demonic possession. I think we can safely ignore the rantings of the hell-bound. The fact is, that without a lucky deflection in the 88th minute, we'd have snuck out of the Progressair with a fully deserved win.

The comments made by 'the_newbie_slayer' are more accurate, but once again show a profound misunderstanding of our team's motivation and skill. Fr. Justinian the Thrice-Blessed did indeed perform near-miracles in goal yesterday, but this has nothing to do with 'magic', but rather with prayer and faith. Magic has been disavowed by the church since Simon Magus became the Father of Heresies. Should the_newbie_slayer wish to find out more for himself, he is more than welcome to visit one of our churches and talk to a priest in the return leg in the Archregimancy in match day 14.

Leaving aside the misguided heresies of Kaze Progressa fans, I'd like to quickly look forward to the qualifying return legs. Here's where the table stands after the matchday 7 results:

Group 10
Rejistania 3 - 0 Wella
Spaam 0 - 1 Eauz
Kaze Progressa 1 - 1 The Archregimancy
Poppuli 3 - 0 Jewish Citizens


Group 10 Pl W D L F A Pts GD
Rejistania 7 6 1 0 23 2 19 +21
Eauz 7 6 1 0 18 4 19 +14
Kaze Progressa 7 3 1 3 10 14 10 -4
The Archregimancy 7 2 3 2 8 11 9 -3
Poppuli 7 2 2 3 7 8 8 -1
Spaam 7 2 0 5 6 10 6 -4
Wella 7 1 2 4 9 16 5 -7
Jewish Citizens 7 1 0 6 7 23 3 -16


We're happy with this. Very happy. The team is performing beyond expectaions. We wanted at least 4 points from the first four games against the group powerhouses, and then at least 5 points from the last three games against the weaker teams - but to be honest, we never expected that we'd manage precisely that. 9 points was a goal set more in hope than anticipation.

From the return legs, we're setting ourselves a goal of 11 points. Once again, we're looking for 4 points from the next four games - Rejistania and Eauz are probably write-offs, despite the mysterious ongoing silence from Eauz. But we hope a win and a draw against Wella and Spaam remains achievable given their ongoing poor form.

This leaves us with the return matches against Jewish Citizens, Poppuli and Kaze Progressa. Given that we play Poppuli and Kaze Progressa at home in the return legs, and that Jewish Citizens are playing like a bunch of klutzes, we very much hope that 7 points - two wins and a draw - is entirely achievable here. As things stand, we expect to be battling Kaze Progressa for that playoff spot. Matchday 14 looks like being crucial. 'arista943' is therefore perhaps counting unhatched chickens.

No - sorry - no time for questions. If we don't break now, we'll all be late for Vespers. That's all we have time for today."

CasariONENews

Two in a Row
Yafor 2 takes a 3-1 fall and keeps the Confederation going

"2 in a row is incredably uplifting." Manager Hill said in the Tyrellian National Stadium press room. "Our offensive output is way up, and it's starting to win up games."

The victory, which featured a trio of goals, 2 from Ronalo and a third from Saienz near the end of the game.

"Tomorrow we start all over again." Hill continued. "We see One Red Dot at home, Sonaron away, Kipto-Mare at home and Five Civilized Nations away, 3 of the four top teams in our group. And then Sonaron."

Casari Maintained fourth in the table, leading Nanakaland on Goal Difference after their victory over Greecedonia, but only 3 points short of Kipto-Mare in 3rd.

"We're doing better than we expected." Hill said, standing in front of the picture window looking down at the crowded square. "And we hope we can keep it up through this second tough strech in our schedule."

From the dawn of Audioslavian existence (which is a good few centuries before most nations were even a glint in the eye of a curious net-head), there has been an annual meeting. This meeting happens on December the seventeenth (the day of Audioslavia's independence from bipedal ape rule, then simply called 'monopedal monkey') every year. It is on this day, and only this day, where big decisions are made for the nation of Audioslavia.

The name for the December 17th council is "Lonagho'tur'n T'Ahearnidh". This is derived from the old Audioslavian Gaelic language which has now, mostly, been superceded by plain english. The word "Lonagho'tur'n" is derived from "Lonagh" meaning "month", " O' " which is the short form of "of", and "Atur'n" which is the Audioslavian for "Twelve". "T'Ahearnidh" is derived from " T' " which is the short form of 'The', "Ahearne" which means "Seventeen" and "Idh" which makes the word 'Seventeenth".

The council involves all the high ranking members of parliament, and all the high ranking officials in the country. This involves a rather large range of people from mrime minister Jack Love to the mayor of Caylerden, Donal Flanaghan. It also involves the manager of the national sports teams. This means the Audioslavia Bulls' Ice Hockey coach David Oliver is there, the Bulls Rugby Union team manager Scott Jefferiies is there, and of course, it now involves the infamous Helmut Vilkaous, head coach of the once-mighty 'slaves football team.

Up for debate on this evening are three main things: Crime in Machinegrad, the new Audioslavian flag, and discussion of the Audioslavia football team's kit. As we join the discussions, the question of crime has already been sorted out, thanks to a majority vote of 'kill the fuckers'. The chair of the meeting, the aptly named 'Jonagh Seat', is about to speak.

Jonagh: Now, on to the next two points on the agenda: The national flag of Audioslavia, and the national football kit of Audioslavia. As you all no doubt are aware of, the flag was given a make-over two months ago. Where for over a thousand years it was a green, black and claret teycolagh (tricolour) with the famous Audioslave Felidhm (flame), the colours are now reversed to be claret, black and green - in that order -, while the flag has been made slightly larger and the Felidhm has been made to look, well, less like it was designed by an eighteen year old with MSpaint (which, IRL, it was). The Audioslavia football strip has changed slightly, but the claret and green stripes have remained the same. If any of you struggle with your memory (Jonagh glances accross at the minister for alzheimers Robert Jordan, who is currently reading his own name badge over and over again to himself. He's minister for paranoia too. A deadly combination.) then i'd like to remind you with this. Jane, the projector and the lights...

http://www.geocities.com/lifeobrien/audislavia.txt

Polite applause echoes around the meeting room

Jack Love, PM: Wonderful

Jonagh: Thankyou Jack. First of all, would anyone like to comment on the above?

silence

Jonagh: Well, as you know, we're looking to make changes to the football strip. We've got in touch with JMC, but they don't seem to have responded. Any ideas?

Jane turns the lights back up and onto the main table, which has now turned very quiet. Upon witnessing the silence, Audioslavia manager Helmut Vilkaous takes a deep breath and begins to speak.

Vilkaous: Well...

With this simple single syllable, Vilkaous becomes the first non-Audioslavian to speak in the Lonagho'tur'n T'Ahearnidh

Vilkaous: ...I... i think i'd like to make changes.

Jonagh: Excellent Helmut. Before you begin, i'd like to say congratulations on your turn-around of the Audioslavia football team. Needless to say we were all worried after the loss to Kurumada, but you've done very well since then. Despite rants to the contrary from some Audioslavians (Jonagh looks at William Branstone, head of the Football Association) i'd like to say that you are welcome in Audioslavia at any time.

Vilkaous: Thankyou very much Jonagh

Helmut Vilkaous gives William a smug glance. William frowns and narrows his eyes, an expression which, rather pleasingly and unprobably, spells the letters 'F' and 'U' through the freckles on his forehead.

Vilkaous: Well, like I said, i'd like to make changes, but i'd like to make changes to both the football strip and the national flag of this great, great nation of Audioslavia.

The members of the meeting are rather taken aback. Changes to the flag? It'd been changed only two months ago, and that was the first change since... since the very first meeting on the very first day of Audioslavia's independence...

Vilkaous: I can see you're all rather taken aback, well, i'm afraid i can't do any anything to remedy that. Jane? Can you dim the lights again? Also, can you put this disk in the projector?.

[i]Jane gives Helmut a funny look, but dims the lights and proceeds to put a disk in the machine. Despite the fact that many people around the table are making nervous and/or confused glances at Vilkaous, he manages to move his chair slightly backwards and turn a knee towards the door without a soul noticing. The projector registers the disk and beams its contents onto a large white screen on the main wall. The room falls into silence. Not just any old silence, but a silence so silent it could make a mute amoeba in a black hole sound like a drunk Popular Freedomonian Raven who is being threatened, quite unneccesarily, by a large volcano. William, upon ceasing his gawping at the screen, turns to shout at Vilkaous, but the Vilitan is gone. His chair has been left swinging slightly to the right, and far accross the room, a door slams to the tune of Vilitan footsteps going at 500bpm.

William turns back to the screen, and sees this:

http://www.geocities.com/lifeobrien/vilitaslavia.txt

The silence is broken by William's incredulous howl. "I'LL GET YOU HELMUT VILKAOUS!!! I'LL MAKE YOU PAY!!!"

[i]<snip> (the day of Audioslavia's independence from bipedal ape rule, then simply called 'monopedal monkey')<snip>

The Prime Matriarch frowned. This was a momentous event; not often did the most esteemed, respected, and cherished of all apekind bother to follow the affairs of trans-border humans, and even less often did she trouble herself to care about said affairs.

But this-- this-- this was something to frown about. She rang the bell for Ms. Globina, Minister of Matriarchal Affairs.

The Parliamentary representative of Bananapolis' 3rd District appeared through a doorway, emanating just the right degree of obsequiety.

"Yes, Prime Matriarch?"

"Globina, I've just been watching the television."

"Indeed, Prime Matriarch?"

"Indeed. And a most disturbing programme has been broadcast."

Ms. Globina swallowed nervously. Had the PM been watching Banana-Based Quantum Cylindrical Physics (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=9473564&postcount=85) on the Amerigan channel?

"Something to do with the World Cup of Football," the PM continued.

Globina breathed a quiet sigh of relief. Nothing to fear there, was there? The Two-Footers were doing fine, Throckspartle had sent down that uppity male. "Yes, Prime Matriarch?" Globina prompted.

"I can hardly credit it," the PM said, more or less to herself. She mumbled a bit, thinking things through. Globina waited respectfully. In time, the Prime Matriarch reached her conclusion. "We shall have to investigate," she announced.

"Investigate? Investigate what?"

"Well, Globina, if the human is to be believed--"

"Yes?"

"Though it seems incredible... if the human is to be belived, Audioslavia has somehow gained independence!"

Globina stared. "What?"

"It is what the human said."

"It must be a comedy program, Prime Matriarch. A satire."

"It certainly sounded serious. And the rest of the program was about their footie team. The independence was mentioned only in passing."

"But Prime Matriarch, we've been receiving annual boatloads of tribute from the Audioslavian slavelords for as long as anyone can remember!"

"Still, it must be investigated. If indeed Audioslavia has somehow slipped out of our control... Bejeezus forbid."

"Indeed, Prime Matriarch."

"Indeed. A free Audioslavia... one shudders to think."

Globina thought of it and shuddered.

"The world would quite likely be destroyed," mused the Prime Matriarch. "You'd best get on this immediately. Spare no expense! We must find out-- has Audioslavia slipped its bonds? Have the slaves freed themselves while we napped? Report back to me as soon as you can. Make haste, child! make haste!"

With a quick, "Yes, Prime Matriarch!" Globina slipped out the door. She certainly had her work cut out for her this time.

OOC--
All I get is a bunch of crazy characters when I view these. Is it just me?

Bipedal Times
Trans-border newspaper of the RBA

Smackdown City

by Ingbaba

Bananaton-- As predicted, the Two-Footers lost to Lovisa in the final match of the first leg of qualifying for World Cup 24. As not particularly predicted, they were righteously smacked down for the second match in a row.

After being defeated 4-1 by Liverpool England, the RBA side hoped to salvage a measly point from the two top sides in the group, but even a close loss would have been heartening. Close losses, however, are apparently the exclusive province of low-ranking opponents of the Two-Footers. As happened so often during the qualifying matches of the 23rd Cup, a 0-3 trouncing was the squad’s reward for showing up yesterday.

This marked the first time in seven matches that the Two-Footers failed to score; some critics have pointedly remarked that it was also the first match in which Tribuana did not appear. However, at the other end of the pitch, Drommidge made her return in goal, emboldened by the absence of terminators from the field. She played more like Spotrockle, getting beat left (once) and right (twice). With Lovisan goals coming at twenty-two and thirty-seven minutes, the headsmacks were flying in the RBA dressing room during the half-time break. Unfortunately, Ms. Throckspartle’s mojo was absent the arena this night, and she succeeded only in bruising various noggins.

Uninspired, the Two-Footers played a lackluster second half, managing only a handful of tepid offensive threats. A third spirit-breaking goal at fifty-nine minutes sent the match into just-get-it-over-with mode for the apes, who couldn’t get off the pitch fast enough when the final whistle blew. All in all a craptastic performance.

Final score:
Republic of Bipedal Apes 0
Kingdom of Lovisa 3 (22, 37, 59)

ooc:
If anyone else is having trouble viewing those last two pics, they can now be found at:

http://www.geocities.com/lifeobrien/audislavia.bmp and
http://www.geocities.com/lifeobrien/vilitaslavia.bmp

P.S.

Funny as fuck RP Bipedal :D but could you please edit your post to take down the two 'pictures'. I know you're new, but the ettiquette of 'not making the 56k people's computers go funny' is in effect here :p :D

Bipedal Times
Trans-border newspaper of the RBA

Chemindus crap-out KOed

by Clammoo

Moorestown, Druida-- With announcement by Chemindus Chemicaceutical Company (ticker: CCD) that fraudulent wonderdrug Rosterthreadilookedatum represented only 2% of manufacturer’s operating revenue in previous quarter, stock price bounced back on BSX this week to respectable BS185.125, up from low of 11.500 but off all-time high of 254.725 reached shortly before company’s admission of fraud in marketing. News of stock recovery quieted legal storm that was brewing, as losses declined markedly. Some advocates still claim that class-action could bring billion-banana sterling settlement, but industry experts tend to disagree.

“Loss in stock price still pretty big,” said Professor Ecomonine of Bipedaleen University. “But two hundred-fifty banana sterling share price was bubble. Not sustainable anyway. Any blump in market could have popped it, so negligence or loss due to fraud going to be hard to prove.”

Others pointed to strong performance of other new Chemindus products. “Sales of Takelaboost and Karelawawa going through roof,” Chemical Marketing Association, Amalgamated representative Blupdoogy said. “Chemindus claims Rosterthreadilookedatum was never meant to be major seller, which probably bullcrud. But regardless, they hardly hurting for revenue. Even if this quarter shows a loss, they probably post record profits for year.”

Meanwhile, professional conspiracy theorist Glugwug posted on a recent blog, “ChemiNdus sez they can’t turn peeple itno apes with Rosterthredilookeditum biut the real truth is that they can and THEYA RE DOING IT RIGHT Now Wake UP APES! Their gong to outnumber us soon and I don’t mean humans I mean HUMANAPES cuz that’s what you get when you supperevolve humans into bipedal apes using this drug! Then theyll takeover!”

Gullible idiots have had field day forwarding links to Glugwug’s site to every email in their address books. As result, truth regarding Rosterthreadilookedatum has become impenetrably muddied. Most likely, though, entire fiasco will quickly fade from popular memory.

could you please edit your post to take down the two 'pictures'.

Sorry, sorry, I have images turned off on my preferences somewhere so all I see inline are links. Didn't realize I was crapping you all out.

Sorry, sorry, I have images turned off on my preferences somewhere so all I see inline are links. Didn't realize I was crapping you all out.

You're not crapping anyone out at all dude :) And check your PMs :)

It was a sunny day in Vilita when the Royal Private Jet landed at Alikki-Corra airport. So sunny, in fact, that His Majesty, King Alfons I of Spruitland, was sweating under his miter. That was unfortunate, because for once the King remembered to bow his head on the way out the airplane, to prevent his miter from being knocked off his head.

But it wasn’t meant to be. His Majesty’s swift bowing motion, coupled with the excess lubrication of the Royal Forehead, were not enough to keep the miter in place. Off it went, sailing through the air and bumping down the red-carpeted ramp, landing at the feet of a mighty officially looking welcoming committee.

“That went pretty much as expected,” Martin Backer snickered from the airplane doorway, as His Majesty strode down the ramp, waving and grinning as if his entrance was exactly planned that way. Olav Nett, Spruitland’s Minister of Sports, punched the SFA President lightly in the kidneys.

“Smile for the cameras, Martin,” Nett muttered between his pearly whites.

“The hell with the cameras,” Backer shot out over his shoulder. “You forced me to come along, fine, I’m here. You wanna force me to smile, you better tickle me with one big fuckin’ feather.”

King Alfons made it to the bottom of the ramp without tripping and interrupted his waving at the cameras to look at the two men in suit and tie heading the welcoming committee. One of them bowed hesitantly, then gave His Majesty back his miter with an apologetic smile.

“It’s an honor, Your Highness,” he said, making a motion to shake the King’s hand, then deciding against it. “Elekim Cairns, operating director of the Vilitan Football Association. May I introduce to you, FA director Rory Issah.”

The second man bowed his head slightly, but the King was a bit preoccupied trying to put his miter back on his head.

“Boy, it sure is hot down here,” he said, wiping off some sweat with his sleeve before adjusting the miter into place. “Is it always this hot down here?”

“Erm, well, we do have a lot of sunny days in Vilita,” Cairns said. “But we’ve arranged for you to stay in the Estoabao House, which has air conditioning and all the comf—”

“Fine fine,” the King interrupted, waving his hand impatiently. “I’m sure it’s all nifty and such, but I’d like to get straight to work. Where are the players?”

“Well, we’ve arranged a formal introduction brunch tomorrow, Your Highness. We figured you’d like to get settled in and—”

“Nonsense! There’s no time to waste time. We have a football match to win, that Ogle Canada team is not to be underestimated! Just show me to the training grounds and have the players assemble there in an hour. Martin, take care of my luggage!”

“Consider it done, Your Highness,” Martin Backer said tonelessly, waiting to roll his eyes until the King had turned around again.

His Majesty threw a questioning glance at Cairns, who was still standing motionless, then suddenly jumped into action. He waved an assistant closer, gave some quick orders, then started to lead the King across the tarmac towards the main terminal, followed by a somewhat stunned Rory Issah.

“Oh, and could you get me one of those nifty tracksuit thingies?” His Majesty smiled with twinkling eyes before turning to wave at the crowd again.

Nolan scores twice again, pushes qualiers total up to 10 as Vikings win again
They are still on top!!!!

Mike Nolan has been having an excellent run so far. In the first seven matches, he is responsible for over half of the goals by the Vikings. And today again, it was all the Nolan Show, as he hit two goals, one in both halfs ensure that the Vikings remain unbeaten for their 7th straight match and win 2-1 over Finrods.

The match was being playing in Finrods, Fmjphoenix's first time there. They definetly were not welcomed after the first five minutes. Thats all Nolan needed to get the first goal on the board. When the Vikings gained control at the start, they attacked straight in the middle, everyone except Nolan. He ran out on the left wing and was left all alone by the Finrod defenders. Finrod's keeper tried to yell out something when the ball was passed to Nolan, but it was already to late. As soon as he had the ball, it was in the back of tha net past the keeper just standing there. The Finrods squad tried to come right back, but Powell Lamar was ready. Two shots were taken, but a punchout and a catch solved those. But Finrods would get one goal in before the end of the first half. It was a misplay by Leider Duran that let a forward past and into the box alone to challenge Lamar. Normally Lamar will capitolize on one-on-one matchups, but this time the forward just had his number. A nice kick to the left just outside of Lamars reach made it 1-1 in the 41st minute. That was the last action of the first half though. The Vikings just could not get up close enough for a legitimate shot and the teams broke drawn up at 1 each.

For the second half, the Vikings didnt come out right away on the attack. Coach Wash had his team sitting back and waiting to see what Finrods would do. It ended up being 15 minutes before Finrods did anything, as they were just passing around on their side of the pitch waiting for a reaction. I guess Wash was tired of watching his team just watch Finrods, because he called on a press to get the ball. And his team reacted quick to the press. Not even two minutes later, the Vikings were in complete control of the ball.Then roughly 5 minutes later, Nolan scored his second goal of the match, and the goal that would end up being the game winner. It was quite a lucky shot as well. He was running up to the box with the ball. The keeper had started rushing out of net to come up on him when Nolan slipped and lofted the ball into the air. It floated just over the keeper and slowly rolled into the goal for the lead. After the goal, Finrods appeared to lose their will to play. They just didn't have anything when they tried to equalize. Lamar easily swallowed up the attempts and closed out the match with ease.

The first leg of the World Cup 24 qualifying round has been handled in great fashion by the Vikings and their young squad. With five wins and two draws to go with the 17 points, the Vikings are sitting comfortably in first place in the group, 2 points ahead of Starblaydia for auto-qualification and four ahead of Harlesburg for the playoff spot. Also, they are one of eleven teams that are still unbeaten after seven matches. This Vikings squad looks like the best that the team has fielded yet. They look well prepared for the second leg, which starts off again at Geisenfried. They managed to draw with the Vikings, so look for them to come back and try and attack more aggresivly to produce more goals and come out with the win.

Fmjphoenix: 2 - Finrods: 1
Nolan 5, 66 - Unnamed 41

Fmjphoenix Goal Scorers:
Nolan 10
Daniels 4
Brown 2
McAllister 1
Grimm 1

Fmjphoenix's World Cup 24 Qualification:
MD01: Fmjphoenix vs Geisenfried Draw 2-2
MD02: Fmjphoenix @ Naleoospalakintula Win 5-0
MD03: Fmjphoenix vs Prince Aidan Win 4-0
MD04: Fmjphoenix @ Tallionis Win 2-1
MD05: Fmjphoenix @ Starblaydia Draw 1-1
MD06: Fmjphoenix vs Harlesburg Win 2-1
MD07: Fmjphoenix @ Finrods Win 2-1
---------------------------------------
MD08: Fmjphoenix @ Geisenfried
MD09: Fmjphoenix vs Naleoospalakintula
MD10: Fmjphoenix @ Prince Aidan
MD11: Fmjphoenix vs Tallionis
MD12: Fmjphoenix vs Starblaydia
MD13: Fmjphoenix @ Harlesburg
MD14: Fmjphoenix vs Finrods
Record: 5-2-0

Sadirovs have qualified
Now its time to get the team qualified.

The Sadirov brothers finally found a reason to celebrate something: their second victory in their second match. Opponents were the Spruitland Wabbits, one of the sides the Tigers feared most. And with reason, the Wabbits are though opponents, but clearly not good enough for the Sadirovs who have now earned the trust of the Tadjiks fans.

The new coaches themselves werent to certain of their chances, and remained seated during the match, without moving a muscle when their team scored. That first goal came really early in the match, Bayerenov scored with a shot from the left side, that took the Spruitlandian goalkeeper Simon Briers by surprise when it bounced off the leg of a defender and right passed him in his box.

The first goal gave the Tadjiks some confidence and the support of their fans, but it came too early. The Tigers now seemed to believe that they could win on one leg and werent to persisent in their play. The Wabbits on the other hand used that situation to press on and equalize through a goal by Dirk Jools near the end of the first half. It gave the Sadirovs something to think about.

And they probably did more than just that, when their players reappeared on the field there was a difference noticeable in their behaviour. A little less confident but vigourous, willing to make things right. And they probably surprised the Spruitlanders with it, a first shot by Tanai came unexpected but it was stopped by Gelmer.

Spruitland defended its box, that was obvious as the Tadjiks needed some time to get a good shot at the Wabbit goal, but the Tadjiks got what they wanted in the end with Tanai rushing forward, when he got stuck in the Spuitlandian defense he passed over to Michael Pliiev who scored with an acrobatic move, a shot straight into the Spruitlandian box. It was the testament of Pliievs talent, proof that he was truly the son of Tadjikistans legend midfielder Igor Pliiev.

The sadirovs were satisfied and for the first time since their appearance as coaches of the national team, a smile could be seen on their face, albeit a very modest one, inbetween two smiling sessions Bahrom said :'Lets not get crazy here, we are only halfway and lest face it, Tadjikistan has played better matches in the past. I am satisfied with the performance of the team but our attitude has to change. Once the first goal was made the team got a bit overconfident and believed it would win with ease, a false presumption as you could see, and We hammered that into their heads, lets hope they use those in the future. Positive is that we are going in the right direction with this, but there is still alot of work to be done. We are visiting the New Montreal States in Angiers, I expect those Polytech boys have learnt from the first match so we'll have to prepare for the worst, but so should they, cuz we've learnt too.'

Fixtures:
MD1: Tadjikistan - New Montreal States W 3-1
MD2: Shearer Heaven - Tadjikistan D 0-0
MD3: Tadjikistan - Taken Names W 2-0
MD4: Lox land Island - Tadjikistan D 1-1
MD5: Total n Utter Insanity - Tadjikistan L 3-0
MD6: Tadjikistan - Lethislavania W 1-0
MD7: Spruitland - Tadjikistan W 1-2
MD8: New Montreal States - Tadjikistan
MD9: Tadjikistan - Shearer Heaven
MD10:Taken Names - Tadjikistan
MD11:Tadjikistan - Lox Land Island
MD12:Tadjikistan - Total n Utter Insanity
MD13:Lethislavania - Tadjikistan
MD14:Tadjikistan - Spruitland

Group 3
Total n Utter Insanity 1 - 1 Lethislavania
Spruitland 1 - 2 Tadjikistan
Lox Land Island 0 - 0 New Montreal States
Shearer Heaven 0 - 0 Taken Names



Group 3 Pl W D L F A Pts GD
Total n Utter Insanity 7 4 3 0 13 5 15 +8
Tadjikistan 7 4 2 1 9 6 14 +3
New Montreal States 7 2 4 1 9 8 10 +1
Spruitland 7 3 1 3 12 12 10 0
Lethislavania 7 2 3 2 9 9 9 0
Shearer Heaven 7 1 4 2 7 9 7 -2
Lox Land Island 7 1 2 4 6 10 5 -4
Taken Names 7 1 1 5 5 11 4 -6

Wednesday 24th August 2005
Dear diary...

I've done it! I've cracked that DK/KD code thing. It's not just a meaningless jumble of letters after all, it's actually a prediction of which country will win this World Cup.

Consider what the letters D and K mean. D is the roman numeral for 500. K is a common abbreviation for 1000.So if we write those numbers side by side we get:
5 0 0 1 0 0 0 1 0 0 0 5 0 0
Now, if I do a mathematical triangle thingy where I add each pair of adjoining numbers together, I get:
5 0 0 1 0 0 0 1 0 0 0 5 0 0
5 0 1 1 0 0 1 1 0 0 5 5 0
Oh, 5 + 5 = 10... How am going to fit that into the next row? Hows about with numbers equalling more than ten, I'll just add the two digits together? (10 = 1 + 0 = 1)

Yes, that'll work. Lets start again...
5 0 0 1 0 0 0 1 0 0 0 5 0 0
5 0 1 1 0 0 1 1 0 0 5 5 0
5 1 2 1 0 1 2 1 0 5 1 5
6 3 3 1 1 3 3 1 5 6 6
9 6 4 2 4 6 4 6 2 3
6 1 6 6 1 1 1 8 5
7 7 3 7 2 2 9 4
5 1 1 9 4 2 4
6 2 1 4 6 6
8 3 5 1 3
2 8 6 4
1 5 1
6 6
3
Now the way I see it, this is telling me that the number 3 ranked team will be champions. Looking at my list of world rankings, I can confidently predict that Bedistan will win the World Cup. Lets see, how are they doing? Hmmm, pretty damn good as things stand at the moment.

But hang on... what if the code isn't DK/KD? What if it's KD/DK?
1 0 0 0 5 0 0 5 0 0 1 0 0 0
1 0 0 5 5 0 5 5 0 1 1 0 0
1 0 5 1 5 5 1 5 1 2 1 0
1 5 6 6 1 6 6 6 3 3 1
6 2 3 7 7 3 3 9 6 4
8 5 1 5 1 6 4 6 1
4 6 6 6 7 1 1 7
1 3 3 4 8 2 8
4 6 7 3 1 1
1 4 1 4 2
5 5 5 6
1 1 2
2 3
5
Hmmm, different result... Turori are the winners. Maybe they'll be playing Bedistan in the final!

Oh, I'm so proud of myself... I've almost forgotten that we lost again. Such a shame cos we started so well and all, what with yours truly scoring after just three minutes. It all started when Judson was fouled making one of his usual runs straight at that girl at left-back. Maybe she was too busy worrying about getting her hair dirty to put a proper tackle in, I don't know. Anyway, Brooks takes one of his free-kicks which the keeper managed to parry. And guess who was first to knock in the rebound?

So there we have it. After keeping a clean sheet for six consecutive games, we're the first team to score against Bedistan in this qualifying campaign. So how did we celebrate this? With a spell of non-stop defending as the Lions came roaring (groan) back. They equalised thanks to a Vantrease screamer - Ricardo had no chance of saving that one... I mean, you don't expect people to have a go from 35 yards at this level, do you? Perhaps I ought to try it more often...

The rest of the first half was pretty even... we kinda cancelled each other out for most of it. The second half was a different story though, as Bedistan were much better than us. They had a few good chances before their other striker Tony Orr hit us on the break after we had a corner punched clear, and he scored again just five minutes later thanks to a rather nifty short corner routine.

And try as we might, we just couldn't get a goal back. And worse still, we're now in third place thanks to Audioslavia's win against Kericia. Oh well, it' time to pull our socks up and go all-out attack in our next four games to try and get some more wins on the board.

Yes, a spot of 4-2-4 is in order methinks. I reckon myself, York, Hunter and Harding could do the business. We'll soon see... we were crap to begin with against PopularFreedom first time round so we'll have to watch it.

Goooooooo Bettia! (and Bedistan / Turori)


Bedistan 3 (Vantrease 13, Orr 67 72)
Bettia 1 (Hutton 3)

MD1: Bettia 1-1 PopularFreedom (The Gasworks, Gabalfa)
MD2: Viszonia 1-3 Bettia
MD3: Bettia 4-0 San-Lorenzo (Shubunkin Park, Akani Sands)
MD4: Kurumada 0-1 Bettia
MD5: Bettia 3-1 Kericia (The Stamping Ground, Lorshill)
MD6: Audioslavia 2-0 Bettia
MD7: Bedistan 3-1 Bettia (South Coast Arena, Hendersonburg)
MD8: PopularFreedom vs Bettia
MD9: Bettia vs Viszonia (The Campus Ground, Grappenhall)
MD10: San-Lorenzo vs Bettia
MD11: Bettia vs Kurumada (Thamitra Gate, Tamrida)
MD12: Kericia vs Bettia
MD13: Bettia vs Audioslavia (Al-Fath Stadium, Sukatra)
MD14: Bettia vs Bedistan (Stadiwm Bettia, Gabalfa)

From: The FALE
To: Bettian FA

Whomever it may concern,
It has come to our understanding that one of your players may have cracked the DK/KD code. We would like to enquire the possibility of the code being DK/KD/KD/DK to make it fair to both Druida and Krytenia; from what we have, we'd get this:

5 0 0 1 0 0 0 1 0 0 0 5 0 0 1 0 0 0 5 0 0 5 0 0 1 0 0 0
5 0 1 1 0 0 1 1 0 0 5 5 0 1 1 0 0 5 5 0 5 5 0 1 1 0 0
5 1 2 1 0 1 2 1 0 5 1 5 1 2 1 0 5 1 5 5 1 5 1 2 1 0
6 3 3 1 1 3 3 1 5 6 6 6 3 3 1 5 6 6 1 6 6 6 3 3 1
9 6 4 2 4 6 4 6 2 3 3 9 6 4 6 2 3 7 7 3 3 9 6 4
6 1 6 6 1 1 1 8 5 6 3 6 1 1 8 5 1 5 1 6 3 6 1
7 7 3 7 2 2 9 4 2 9 9 7 2 9 4 6 6 6 7 9 9 7
5 1 1 9 4 2 4 6 2 9 7 9 2 4 1 3 3 4 7 9 7
6 2 1 4 6 6 1 8 2 7 7 2 6 5 4 6 7 2 7 7
8 3 5 1 3 7 9 1 9 5 9 8 2 9 1 4 9 9 5
2 8 6 4 1 7 1 1 5 5 8 1 2 1 5 4 9 5
1 5 1 5 8 8 2 6 1 4 9 3 3 6 9 4 5
6 6 6 4 7 1 8 7 5 4 3 6 9 6 4 9
3 3 1 2 8 9 6 3 9 7 9 6 6 1 4
6 4 3 1 8 7 9 3 7 7 6 3 7 5
1 7 4 9 6 7 3 1 5 4 9 1 3
8 2 4 5 4 1 4 6 9 4 1 4
1 6 9 9 5 5 1 6 4 5 5
7 6 9 5 1 6 7 1 9 1
4 6 5 6 7 4 8 1 1
1 2 2 3 2 3 9 2
3 4 5 5 5 3 2
7 9 1 1 8 5
7 1 2 9 4
8 3 2 4
2 5 6
7 2
9

Which, by our count, means (you could do it KD/DK/DK/KD)..... OAKER!?

.:: Starblaydi Inquisition Intercept ::.

From: FALE (Football Association of Liverpool England)
To: Bettian FA (Bettian Football Association)

.:: useless information removed ::.

Which, by our count, means ..... OAKER!?

.:: END TRANSMISSION ::.

"Would someone care to tell me," Inquisitor K'van Fursifio declared to no-one in particular, "which bloody nation supplied the referees and hosted the tournament where Oaker got to the Final. Anyone?"

"Um," one of the more naive assistants piped up, "...Liverpool Engl-?"

"Of course it was Liverpool England!" Fursifio yelled, shouting down the youngster. "Talk about irony, eh?"

Linux Superstar

The Orange-Blues defeated Wella with a remarkable 3:0 scoreline. Linux Raju did not play from the beginning on but was substituted in in the 62nd minute after a less than mediocre match of Nana Sejil. He scored 2 of the goals in this match. The Orange-Blues by this defend their first place in the table of group 10. In the between-group-compare, The Orange-Blues are behind of Sarzonia, Bedistan and Vilita, who are apparently even more Karelan since they conceded less.

Of course not only the striker made a good job but the defense played even better. Quickly spoiling chances of the opponent, interfering early - the rejistanian style worked well and made the Wellan players desperate. Kansu I Kansu was the best of the good. Wella had one chance in this match, which was a free kick after a questionable situation. Fortunately, Visnu Kanavan was fast as a snake in blocking the shot.

Jeruselem Government News

Nullus Omnipotentus

What's our favourite scoreline! Give me scoreless draw and I'll give you a punch in the head. Well, Jeruselem played Hypocria and came out with a score described by the team 0-0 Is Evil. Yes, we should have won but didn't, what a waste.

Haperd after taking down Jeruselem, took on Crystilakere and almost pulled off a famous win. They lost 1-0 and look to have improved, but their form against lower teams is rather erratic. They do play well against well organised teams like Jeruselem and the Crystils for some reason.

Ruventsoria had a chance to make statement and beat Klakistany to take advantage of Jeruselem recent lack of form. But, no another ONE ALL draw giving Klakistany some hope but obviously frustating the 3rd placed Ruventsorians chasing 2nd placed Jeruselem and top dog Crystils.

Southern Manchester, what's happened to them? They got beaten by 2-0 by the team known as 0-0 Is Evil. Them Manchester folks are dead last now.

A look at the top 4 in Group 7 - pretty stable with the same four teams rising above the rabble for the World Cup XIV. Hypocria is 2nd last after the seven games despite a draw with 2nd place Jeruselem. 3 teams with 8 points and 2 teams on 7 points - count no one out yet even Southern Manchester. However, the bottom teams do have lousy goal differences.

Group 7
Crystilakere 1 - 0 Haperd
Hypocria 0 - 0 Jeruselem
Ruventsoria 1 - 1 Klakistany
0-0 Is Evil 2 - 0 Southern Manchester


Group 7 Pl W D L F A Pts GD
Crystilakere 7 5 1 1 17 3 16 +14
Jeruselem 7 4 1 2 12 6 13 +6
Ruventsoria 7 2 4 1 10 9 10 +1
Haperd 7 2 2 3 9 10 8 -1
0-0 Is Evil 7 2 2 3 6 9 8 -3
Klakistany 7 2 2 3 8 12 8 -4
Hypocria 7 2 1 4 4 10 7 -6
Southern Manchester 7 2 1 4 5 12 7 -7

"Nonsense!" cried Audioslavian scientist Gil Davidson. "Its not a mathematical triangle, its an algebraic equasion. In algebra, 'DK/KD' would mean 'D multiplied by K, divided by K, multiplied by D'. So, if Mr. Hutton is correct in his assumption that D is 500 and K is 1000, then we get:


D K / K D
5 0 0 x 1 0 0 0 / 1 0 0 0 x 5 0 0

500 x 1000 = 500,000. /1000 = 500, x500 = 250000

So the team ranked 250,000th in the world will be the champion!

er...

"No! Wait" cries Gil Davidson, running back into the press office. "I have it, i do! What if 'D' and 'K' meant '4' and '11' as is their corresponding letters in the alphabet?

That would mean the equation would be 4 x 11 / 11 x 4, which would give the number 16! Of course, seeing as this is World Cup 24, we need to add '2' and '4' into the equation too. So, if we add 4 and take 2, and add that number onto the 16, we get 18.

18!

So the winner of World Cup 24 will be the team ranked 18th

AUDIOSLAVIA!!!

Gil begins his happy dance, blissfully unaware of the bemused and bored glances of the onlooking press office. A security guard called Jeff kicks Gil out.

A member of the press office turns round to a collegue. "So, what does Duh-Kud / Kud-Duh" mean again?".
"Duh-Kud, Kud-Duh?" replies the colleague. "Duh-kud, Kud-duh?!" What are you, five years old? Its DK KD DK KD DK KD DK KD, moron."
"Yeesssss..." replies the first guy, quite exhasperated "Duh-Kud is still a legitimate way of saying DK KD. And, if you keep saying it, becomes 'Duhkud kudduh, duhkud kudduh, duhkud kuddu, duhkud kudduh, duhkud kudduh, duhkud kudduh". The work experience kid chips in with
"Hey, thats the sound of a train..."

The room falls silent yet again

Bipedaleen mathematician and footie supporter Broopapa has this to say:

"Nonsense and poppycock! Everyone know DK is Dead Kennedys and KD is Canuck crooner and country-music star. Also as everyone know, DK currently on tour sans Jello Biafra. What DK/KD mean is, KD lang going to become next singer for Dead Kennedys! She going to do best version ever of 'Holiday in Cambodia,' too,"

Street Appear To Go Through
No One Cares

Cockbill Street have swept aside almost all opposition in their World Cup qualifying campaign so far, and yet football attendances around the nation have crashed to the lowest, with domestic cricket stealing all the media attention. The consistent Anti-Karelan tease has lost its sting, it seems, as Cockbill Street has scored 18 goals in three matches...but is still outscored by Turori and, guess who, Rejistania.

Anyway, a quick wrap-up is in order.

Match One:

3-2 over Limbrogdlia

An expected victory first up, but the Streetians were thoroughly shaken by the Oliverrian puppet. The Limbrogdlians took the lead twice, through Ziyoulitx and Marshall, but a penalty kick from Williams, a long shot from Peterson and a header from Howard Beacham saw the Streetians run out winners with three minutes remaining.

Match Two:

2-1 over The South Packerlands

Not too impressive, but two goals from Olivia Peterson got the job done. Sloppy keeping by Peterson on the Packerlands lone goal.

Match Three:

3-0 over Nobbsinia

Unknown Nobbsinia were easily dispatched, Gold-telluride being put up as a striker for a laugh and scoring two goals, while Peterson got in the last. Not much to say really, an easy victory and the Nobbsinians did not put up any challenge at all.

Match Four:

3-0 over Hurfordia

Liam Williams ran amock in the second half, and so did the Hurfordian crowd. Three goals from Williams saved Streetian blushes after Hurfordia had played well enough in the first half to deserve a goal. However, Cockbill Street prevailed thanks to better stamina.

Match Five:

3-0 over Oaker

Possibly the best Streetian match in the past decade. Against the World Cup 22 finalists, Oaker, Oaker, Oaker, Oaker, and you know the drill, the Street outplayed the Oaks in every aspect of the game, and made them looked like some random 50th-ranked team - which they were, until that incredible run in the 21st and 22nd World Cups. Irene Miller was the heroine, scoring twice and crossing in for the third, but she was helped by a fantastic back line who kept out absolutely every dribble and pass from the Oaker players, not to mention Beacham and Robertson in the midfield. Robertson also headed in the third goal. The third 3-0 win in a row meant that the Street now looked odds-on to qualify with relative ease.

Match Six:

2-2 with Chicanada

Goals from Pjan and Westington sent the Street back down to earth after five successive victories. It had to happen some time, and in all fairness, the Takilan team played extraordinarily well and showed the Streetian fans how attacking football should be played. Olani Pjan's goal after nineteen minutes was the stuff of legends, but luckily for the Street, they had a girl of their own to reply. Alex's daughter Olivia looks to become a name even bigger than her father, as she made two goals today to bring her tally of the qualifying to six - of a total of 18. James Chitterling, incredibly, has none, but he's been responsible for many creative moves.

Match Seven:

2-1 over Praying2God

Sodalite was sent off early after a potentially career-dangering knee-high tackle to Christine Holly, but Holly was exceedingly lucky to survive with minor bruisings. With ten men against eleven, the Street found themselves frequently over-run, and Praying2God led 1-0 by half-time - thanks to skipper Thomas Larson - which was a fully deserved lead. Andrews shook up the side in the second half, taking off the invisible Liam Williams and bringing on Thorstein Stonelover for stability, and the Street slowly worked their way into the game. The Street were rejuvenated when Sarah Walker made a rare but crucial mistake when she fumbled the shot from Orson Kent into the goal, and the last fifteen minutes were one-way traffic. James Chitterling eventually headed in the winning goal, in a chaotic situation where nineteen players were inside the penalty box, and Cockbill Street now have a ten-point gap to the number four team - which it would take something very, very special to lose.

HIGH FIVES ALL AROUND

Elrich 5 - Liamopolis-Liamton 0

The third straight win in as many games was met with ecstacy in the nation of Elrich as the Badgers produced a magnificent performance to defeat Liamopolis-Liamton. Liamton, the surprise package of the group until now, were sitting in 4th place in the Group before last nights game, they're not any more.

Bassett again kept an unchanged team and the Kingdom produced an awe-inspiring display throughout the 90 minutes. In attack, Nudge and Elrich caused havoc in the Liamopolis defense, and Nudge opened the scoring for the night with a powerful volley after 12 minutes. It was two soon after, excellent work on the left from Zebedee presented Elrich with an easy header from inside of the six yard box and he didn't miss. Before half-time it was three, Robin Banks bursting from midfield to latch onto John Spinks' through ball and slot past the advancing keeper.

Half-time came and the Badgers received a standing ovation from the passionate Elrichian crowd. Bassett must have asked for more of the same, because the Badgers continued where they left off, scoring in the 56th minute when Matthew Allen's deflected shot looped over the stranded goalkeeper. Despite some more entertaining football, the Elrichian faithful had to wait until the 89th minute for the final goal, when Elrich curled a beautiful free-kick around the wall for his second goal of the game.

Doubts over Bassett's future have now definitely subsidedand with three wins on the trot and a newly found confidence flowing through the team, many Elrichians are dreaming of a World Cup in Druida and Krytenia. Although this might be a bit optomistic, the Badgers now lie only three points off that elusive third spot.

Bassett "We were incredible today. I'm glad because the team have finally shown what they can do. The fans were right behind us from the off. This run has got us going, and if it continues and we kick-on then who knows??"

Elrich - Burns, Scott, Hodgins, P Spinks, Jones, Allen, Zebedee, Banks, J Spinks, Nudge, Elrich

Conures fail again

Hurfordia's abysmal run of home form continued today, as they threw away two points against Limbrogidlia to draw 1-1 at the Samson Memorial Stadium, Unity City.

For once, the Conures began brightly, stroking the ball around in a way they haven't in recent games. Within five minutes, Holsworthy's pace took him into the box, and clear of the defence. Only brave goalkeeping kept him from scoring, as Nommo raced out and dived at his feet, taking the ball cleanly. Although their opponents dominated the numbers in midfield, Hurfordia's long-ball tactics seemed to pay off, giveing the heavy forward line a lot of opportunities. Sargeant went close after 24 minutes, pouncing on a loose ball following Sulla's shot, but the angle wasn't quite right, and he hit the post from close range. The goal finally came after 30 minutes, as Holsworthy's pace again took him past the defence, and saw him brought down by Skypitcher. Up stepped Cornelius Sulla, who hammered the ball low intothe bottom corner from just outside the penalty area.

Unfortunately, Hurfordia's stamina seemed to desert them. The physical game they played in the first half left the tired, and their cause was not helped by Holsworthy being taken off at half time after taking a knock on the ankle. Gradually, Limbrogidlia came back into the game, and their midfield manpower began to take effect. However, their shortage of men up fornt meant that there were few chances created, until and inspired piece of management. Limbrogidlia switched to 4-4-2, adding Dumb up front. Within five minutes, this paid off, as he found space and support, allowing him to hold up a ball and lay it off to Ziyoulitzx just inside the box. His powerful shot flew towards the top corner, and snuck in despite Sedley's touch. The conures brought on an extra forward in an attempt to get back into the lead, but it was to no avail. 1-1 it stayed.

The Conures seem to have lost their scoring touch in recent games, and have lost the ability to really kill teams off when ahead. Manager Peter Langrishe will have to try to help them recover it in time for their next match, when they face Oaker, 9th in the world, at Portown.

Teams

Hurfordia
Sedley; O'Halloran, Johnston (Constantine 60'), Horvath, Woods; Lebrun, Denning (Rawling 86'), Sulla; Holsworthy (McConnaghy 45'), Sargeant, Stimpson

Scorer; Sulla 30'

Limbrogidlia
Nommo; Keller, Varenni, Skypitcher, Jerardi; Xlatuz, Wayne, McBen, Choixe (Dumb 75'), Marshall; Ziyoulitzx

Scorer; Ziyoulitzx 80'

http://www.dirt-racing.com/3wide/sites/vilita/vn/tn/tieot.gif


Turori national head coach Milauou Slietah sat down ahead of the commencement of the second half of World Cup 24 qualifying along with former National Team head coach and close friend, Mauritus Banda. Banda had brought a stack of papers from around the world containing snippets from the sports section and a review of the first half performances.



"It looks like those Bettian's have gone mad" Slietah said after Banda had handed him a copy of the Gabalfa Observer, "What the hell is with all the arrows all over the place, it looks like some facist attempt to construct a complex system of formulas that turns out as useful as a three year old in a pub"

"But how are they doing, results wise." Banda questioned. With a quick response, Slietah admitted that the team playing the football was a bit more adequate than the ones who tried to construct that math formula. "Fmjphoenix have yet to lose, interesting that" Banda proclaimed looking down at the international press. "That's a side who are really on the up, I tell ya. They had that great win over Rejistania and now come back leading their group half way through, nothings going to be keeping them out of the finals."

"Very true." Slietah tossed the Gabalfa Observer in the trash and picked up the next paper out of the stack. It was from Audioslavia. "Look at that lunatic Vilkaous, he's going to get himself killed over there. It's bad enough losing to teams like Kurumada, but petitioning to get the damn flag of a nation of 5.7 billion changed, has he lost his mind. I really think one of us oug...." Slietah was interrupted by an emphatic Banda.

"Yea he's a wanker, but the hell Milauo. Check this out." Banda handed his partner a copy of the Kodiak Daily Rambler. As Slietah looked on he read about each group and their current situations. "Well we should have picked this one up first then, we would have saved ourselves the time" Slietah mumbled. But at the encouragement of Banda, he continued to read on. Slietah admitted he had skipped over the report of group 1, not interested in reading what he already knew, but he went back to read it. "Hah!" Slietah exclaimed "How daft can they be. How many times are people going to say that World Cup 23 was the last cup for Turori? Never once did any of us say that it was going to be the last cup for us, how ridiculous would that be. Yet they still keep printing it! Ah well, to each his own!"

"Read on!" Banda Exclaimed. "Here, cut through the crap, have a look at the bottom"

Slietah looked. "Ah crap, They've got us reaching the final against Sarzonia. Thats the same damn thing everyone predicted last cup, whole lot of good that did us. But at least they've got Nova Britannicus missing out, that will sure be a laugh. Hey, Maury, got those Colony Cup standings around?"

"No, sorry, I'll make sure they are here in the morning, though."

http://i5.photobucket.com/albums/y197/Spruitland/sportsgazette.jpg


Spruitland coach looks ahead

Spruitland – Tadjikistan: 1 – 2

On the last matchday of the first Qualifying round, the Spruitland Wabbits did not manage to defy the odds. In a tough home match against Tadjikistan, Dirk Jools managed to draw level in the first half to keep hope alive, but the Tadjiks regained control in the second half, handing the Wabbits their third loss of the Qualifying campaign.

Despite the importance of this match, the bad result is not a disaster for Spruitland. A less-than-mediocre scoreless draw against Lox Land Island saw New Montreal States waste the chance to take a two point lead for the third place spot. Lethislavania – the favorite for third before the start – pulled off a good result in TnUI to keep themselves in the running.

With three teams within one point of each other, the competition for the play-off spot looks to be intense. From now on, every game will be as important as the next, and the slightest slip-up may make all the difference. Cor Bensen, Spruitland’s head coach, remains confident about the Wabbits’ chances.

“We have to believe we can still do it, otherwise we might as well throw in the towel,” Bensen says. “It’s not like we expected this to be easy, after all. This is World Cup Qualifying – when you’re ranked among the top ten nations in the world, this might just be a formality, but for all the rest it’s a fierce struggle til the end.”

“So far, it hasn’t gone exactly the way I expected, though. I figured we’d be battling it out with the Lethislaves for third, with the team who slipped up less often against the smaller teams coming out ahead. But we’ve both slipped up enough that one of those smaller teams is now in third place, with as good a chance as any to snatch that play-off spot.”

“Yes, I know New Montreal States isn’t exactly a ‘small team’. They made it to the semi finals of World Cup something-or-other, but that was a long time ago, I didn’t expect them to make such a strong come-back right off the bat. Still, they haven’t exactly been consistent either, giving up some points where they shouldn’t have, just like us and Lethislavania.”

“I’m not gonna make any bold predictions, we’ll just see what happens. TnUI first, Tadjik second, that much I’m willing to bet on. But the race for third is wide open. Hell, even Shearer Heaven isn’t out of contention yet, though I doubt we need to be terribly concerned about them. If there’s one match we’re eager to win, it’s the one against them though.”

The Bureaucratic Tribune
Presented to you in beautifully generic typeface since 1603

Disaster eminent?

MEGALOPOLIS CITY (BT) -- Seven matchdays into World Cup 24 qualifying, Oglethorpia's Ostriches have only lost once and maintain an equal number of wins and draws -- but with seven matchdays left, most wonder if Oglethorpia can continue staving off a disastrous streak of atrocious play and qualify for the Cup-proper.

Torrence Black won't have any of it. "Now that everybody's kind of down on us, we're totally going to kick ass and qualify. I'm fairly certain the more we talk about successfully qualifying, the more likely it's going to happen."

But the Ostriches past record implies the national squad will soon fall flat on it's face. "Let's face it," said an expert whos hall not be named out of lazyness, "when it's crunch time Oglethorpia's national side just doesn't preform. And the more you write stories about how we might qualify, the more like it typically be comes we might not."

It remains to be seen if Oglethorpia has been thoroughly "jinxed" by this article.

Location: Locke Harbour, PopularFreedom

Two maintenance workers were finishing up cleaning up Locke Harbour Stadium after the mess left from yesterday's game.

John Smoll: Hey Derek, you finally finished your aisles man, everyone else is gone man, lets go it's almost 7pm dude, time to relax

Derek Jurinov: Yea yea, I wanna make sure our new supervisor don't tell me off again, what's his name, Todd, Tom, whatever.

John Smoll: Oh hell, once those crazy Loyal Bay idiots come here next game you won't tell the dif- what the hell you doing?

Derek Jurinov: Cleaning the -

John Smoll: I can see you friggin scrubbing like it needed to be polished, dude no one cares, you got a bunch of drunk soccer fans going occupy this place again what tomorrow or the next day I can't even remember and you wanna make it beautiful?!

Derek Jurinov: Hey speaking of the Sharks, who won today's game, you see the results on the news? Or was the game today? Never was a big soccer fan but now kinda interested with all them nuts from Loyalty Bay here in the capital

John Smoll: Naw man, no clue, asked one guy and he said the satellite feed was down in the stadium, but I am sure someone knows. Let's get outta here man, the beach is still rocking, lets go

Derek Jurinov: k coming, you whine like a dog man.

...

OOC: Was there games today? Poor Derek and John wanna know as do I what the scores are lol :)

OOC: Was there games today? Poor Derek and John wanna know as do I what the scores are lol :)

OOC: From the schedule posted in the WC Discussion thread, it says that there are supposed to be matches today. I am curious as well...to see how many I got routed by today.

PICKETING IN FRONT OF DRUDIAN AND KRYTENIAN EMBASSIES

Thousands demand World Cup updates

NEW MONTREAL - A delay in the kickoff of matchday 8 has led thousands of disgruntled soccer fans in the capital of New Montreal to form an angry mob and shout slogans in front of the embassies from WC24 host nations Druida and Krytenia.

The mob is still out there as we go to press, chanting: "DK/KD, give us scores and we'll let you be! KD/DK, give us scores and we'll go away!"

"Those Bettians came close...but we have the definitive answer!"

"How do you mean?"

"Well, it is a pyramid - but the D and K actually do stand for Druida and Krytenia - or rather their ranks, 7 and 17. So, we get this:
7 1 7 1 7 7
8 8 8 8 5
7 7 7 4
5 5 2
1 7
"See?"

"Seventeen! But wait, surely it would be one plus seven? Eight? Liverpool England?"

"Aah, you see, that's an extra code. This pyramid shows to the trained eye, seventeenth-ranked Krytenia will win. But to those who ignore this fact, the 8 indicates that Matchday Eight (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=9518316&postcount=8) scores are now available."

"Oh."

OOC: I want to start homework but i also want to RP so this will be quick and bad.

Chi Sun-Times-Tribune-Star-News

Quick Sports Section

Inside: Editorial: Keeping Fairbanks bad move get Thibault

Milchama get crushed at home feel bad

The Milchama Warriors got crushed at home by Turori today. The final 4-0 scoreline could have been much worse if it had not been for goalie Tuck Koolerc who made 3 spectacular as well as stopping one penalty to deny Turori to really run rampant around the Warriors attack. They scored first in the 14th minute, then 8 minutes later a free kick led to goal. The score at halftime was 2-0. Then in the 62nd minute they scored again on a beautiful header. Finally in the 68th they scored there 4th and final goal to make it 4-0 to Torori.

Milchama Man of the Match (only done when we lose I guess)- Tuck Koolerc. It would have been much worse if he had not played the best game he had all tournament.

Stars sneak by Scorthona, 1-0

The match was nothing to write home about. The Sarzonian national team played a second consecutive sluggish match against Scorthona in World Cup XXIV qualifying and again needed a late goal to prevail. This time, the feat was in front of a small, but hostile crowd in Scorthona and the Stars offence was the key to the 0:1 away result for Sarzonia.

"We're going to have to get used to these [road matches]," Coach Dave Wilson said. "Thanks to the slani schedulers in Krytenia, we've got three straight away matches to close out the qualifying season. The damn Kryties should be glad we're not packing heat."

Scorthona (1-3-4, six points) must be cursing their luck after their second straight hard-fought match against the Stars (7-1-0, 22 points) resulted in zero standings points. Sarzonia got the only goal of the match courtesy of a 78th minute strike from supersub forward Bruce Badger and held on thanks to Wilson sending on a fifth defender to substitute for Barry Alphonso.

Playing a Karela-esque five defenders and four midfielders "wasn't by design," Wilson said. "If we were level or trailing, we would have made an offensive substitution. You do what you have to do to win football matches. Plain and simple."

The Stars have been following that formula closely ever since World Cup XXI when the Stars played their first-ever knockout stages match, falling to a Total 'n Utter Insanity team that has become a marked side in the Sarzonian training room. Midfielders Jenna Raven and Jarret Sanderson were still reportedly seething over events that caused the Incororated Football Federation to cease operations of its Under 21 programme.

However, the Stars say they intend to focus on Caprine States, a 3:0 loser against Disjoepia that knocked them four points back of Commerce Heights for the second automatic bid to the World Cup finals. The Stars remain six points clear of Commerce Heights and 10 points ahead of Caprine States heading into the match at Bryan Marshall Stadium in Woodstock.

IFF officials are asking supporters to arrive at the match three hours in advance to allow for tightened security as hundreds of uniformed Elite Sarzonian Guardsmen will be patrolling the grounds near the stadium. WCC officials have been notified of regular flybys during the match by Incorporated Sarzonian Air Force fighter jets.

"It's the reality of war," midfielder and team captain Darwin Russell said. "We've played matches under the threat of war before. This is no different. You just take precautions."


Group 8 Pl W D L F A Pts GD
Sarzonia 8 7 1 0 15 0 22 +15
Commerce Heights 8 5 1 2 11 7 16 +4
Caprine States 8 4 0 4 7 12 12 -5
Kylaai 8 2 4 2 6 5 10 +1
Brazillico 8 3 1 4 9 13 10 -4
Disjoepia 8 3 0 5 9 11 9 -2
Scorthona 8 1 3 4 6 9 6 -3
Chileany 8 1 2 5 8 14 5 -6

http://www.geocities.com/lifeobrien/bull.txt

Revenge is a Dish Best Served Sharpish
Kurumada 0, Audioslavia 1. HA HAR! TAKE THAT YOU SWINES!

Helmut Vilkaous managed to save at least a few blushes by finally getting the team to defeat Kurumada today. Yet again however, it was a lot more tricky than it should have been, with the home team seeming intent on dropping back and stifling the Bulls' attacking play.

However, a dipping twenty-six yard effort by Taurxa Jeroen on sixty-five minutes put the 'slaves into a one-goal lead that they didn't look like losing, and so all three points went to the 'slaves.


Group 11 Pl W D L F A Pts GD
Bedistan 8 6 2 0 16 1 20 +15
Audioslavia 8 5 2 1 13 4 17 +9
Bettia 8 4 2 2 15 10 14 +5
Kericia 8 4 2 2 13 10 14 +3
PopularFreedom 8 2 2 4 8 11 8 -3
Kurumada 8 2 1 5 4 10 7 -6
San-Lorenzo 8 1 2 5 6 17 5 -11
Viszonia 8 1 1 6 6 18 4 -12

In these unofficial tables (Krytenians say 'its 2:45am here, tables tommorow'. We say 'its 3:03am here, sleep tommorow, NS now') the 'slaves have pulled three points clear from Bettia in third. Bettia stumbled against a Popular Freedom side which is just getting better and better. A good thing for the neutral, but a bad thing for the 'slaves who have to play host to the dangerous Sharks. Or Ravens. Whichever turns up.
Kericia got a 2-0 win over lowly Viszonia to stay on the heels of the Bettians, and also to pull six points clear of Popular Freedom. The Popular Freedom - Kericia game on matchday 4 is now very much a six-pointer, but PF will have to take at least two to four points from Audioslavia and Bedistan to still be in with a shout when it comes to the final three games.

Its 'as you were' for the bottom three sides as they all suffered defeats, while Bedistan look comfortable as ever in top spot with a six point cushion between themselves and the battle for third and fourth. Victories for the Lions over Kurumada, Viszonia and Kericia will put them all but mathematically out of reach.

IBJJ, G'NB

Kaze Progressa 1 - 2 Rejistania
The Archregimancy 1 - 2 Eauz
Poppuli 1 - 2 Wella
Jewish Citizens 2 - 1 Spaam


Group 10 Pl W D L F A Pts GD
Rejistania 8 7 1 0 25 3 22 +22
Eauz 8 7 1 0 20 5 22 +15
Kaze Progressa 8 3 1 4 11 16 10 -5
The Archregimancy 8 2 3 3 9 13 9 -4
Poppuli 8 2 2 4 8 10 8 -2
Wella 8 2 2 4 11 17 8 -6
Spaam 8 2 0 6 7 12 6 -5
Jewish Citizens 8 2 0 6 9 24 5 -15

OOC: and it's 12:40 early afternoon in Melbourne - plenty of time to put together an unofficial table over lunch

THE ARCHREGIMANCY BRINGS YOU

WORLD CUP TONIGHT

The World Cup wrap-up show with Fr. Nicholas the Scribe and Fr. John the Golden-Throated.

"Well, Fr. John, the lads will be disappointed with that result."

"Absolutely, Fr. Nicholas - another splendid moral victory against a top-20 team, but moral victories aren't enough now that we're reaching crunch time"

"But still, to be leading 1-0 against Eauz until the last ten minutes..."

"I agree that we did well. Another goal from Fr. Silouan - a goal that epitomises everything good about Monastic football, might I add, what with that magnificent switching play between wings from Fr. Andrew and Fr. Pavel - and another lead to protect. But that's two consecutive games now where we've lost a narrow lead in the last few minutes of the match - and this time we went on and lost"

"Still some communication problems at the back, then, you feel?"

"Absolutely. We need to look at this. Either play two Slavonic central defenders, two Hellenic central defenders, or release Fr. Dmitri from his vow of silence. A Slavonic monk combined with a non-speaking Hellenic monk is causing us problems. Stopping that second Eauz goal should have been simplicity itself, but no one picked up the unmarked Eauz forward..."

"But it might well have been academic if we'd scored our own second goal"

"Oh yes. Fr. Andrew will be replaying that one in his mind for weeks. The open goal gaping in front of him, and he somehow sent it over the crossbar. 2-0 up with 15 minutes left, and the game would have been ours. Knowing Fr. Andrew, he'll be off to his desert cell for a couple of days now for a spell of fasting, prayer and atonement."

"Suffering is good for the soul, Fr. John"

"Indeed it is, Fr. Nicholas"

"Speaking of suffering, how did Kaze Progressa do?"

"Well, like us they'll be desperately disappointed to have run one of the top teams so close, only to lose 2-1 - another fine moral victory to the underdogs, another failure to put points on the board at the end of the day.
But that suits us just fine, to be honest. That Progressan loss keeps them only one point ahead of us, while Wella's victory over Poppuli keeps those two teams in the hunt, but both a point behind us - another useful result. Meanwhile, Jewish Citizens are proving to be Spaam's nemesis, and that Hebrew victory very probably knocks both teams out of the qualifying battle."

"So everything still to play for, then?"

"Absolutely. With only two points separating third through sixth, Group 10 is shaping up to be a desparate battle for the play-off spot - a battle that may not be decided until the very last qualifier...."

PALADINS ARE TIGER FOOD

Tadjikistan smashes Paladins 4-1 in even worse drubbing than before

ANGIERS - NMS coach Jean-Rene Filon was about to shoot someone down on the sidelines at Southern Coliseum.

When Salenko pushed one past the keeper 20 minutes into the game, Filon looked apoplectic. Ian Lender evened the score at 31 minutes, but when Marcel Dupuis got carded for tackling Bayerenov on a Tiger drive, Salenko put his second goal in on the penalty shot at 44 minutes in. The half ended to a silent stadium and the sound of coach Filon swearing on the sideline.

The second half began with a sustained Paladin drive that was ably put down by Tadjikistan's defense, with Vorozheikin making a pair of spectacular diving saves. After the second of these, the kick in was taken by Kornilov who passed it to Galitski. Galitski slammed in at the bottom corner of the net past reserve keeper Frederick St-Eustache 14 minutes into the half.

The final goal came at 41 minutes into the final half as reserve foward Szarmach came off the bench and deflected the ball off the sidepost for the final score of 4-1.

Coach Filon angrily refused to speak to the media after the game, and kicked several members of the press out of the locker room.

TOMORROW

The Paladins travel to group leader TnUI. Coach Filon was unavailable for comment on the upcoming match after throwing a pair of cleats at our reporter.

2005-08-25

SHARKS TIE ARORAS, LOSE PERUVO.
Star striker sidelined with undisclosed injury.

International Report - The Sharks were both winners and losers in todays tilt. The fact they were able to steal a tie in a game they were thoroughly dominated in for the most part, is due primarily to the superb goaltending of backup goaltender Kirk Lanstaff.

The Sharks used their new starting lineup for todays match with Welsh in at midfielder instead of Henry.

The game itself started horribly for the Sharks. In the seventh minute of play with the Sharks punishing the Aroras deep in their zone with a flurry of shots Shark star striker Shawn Peruvo seemingly tripped over a defenders foot and fell hard to the grass. As the whistle blew for a stoppage in play a number of players and trainers circled around him. A stretcher was then brought in and carried him off the field. The stretcher no doubt was used to ensure that no one but Peruvo and his trainer knew the extent of the injury to him though its arrival also noted that he would be gone for the rest of the game. Midfielder Alex Walters was substituted in for the injured Peruvo and was put at midfielder while William Welsh was moved to forward.

The Sharks, shocked by the loss of their leader seemed to fold under the Aroras new sense of opportunism presented to them. With the Shark fans who made the trip to Bettia a bit shocked by the loss of Peruvo as well the Bettia fans were able to drown out the Shark fans, helping to push their team forward. Minutes later forward Chris Hutton, who had already burned the Sharks once in their previous match was able to set loose forward Judson York who screamed down the wing and shot the ball towards the net. The ball seemed to mesmerize Shark goalie Peter Locart as it bolted his way. By the time he reacted it was too late and the Aroras had the lead at the 10th minute as even York was shocked at his easy goal.

On the restart, the Sharks now reeling from the loss of Peruvo and giving up the first goal coughed it up again to Chris Hutton. Hutton again passed the ball to York on the wing who again sped his way up the sideline to the end. He then crossed the ball which missed a streaking Chris Hutton steaming for the net. Arora midfielder Evan Brooks however was able to collect the wayward ball and drilled a shot that arched over an out of position Locart and just under the bar for a goal at the 15th minute that put Bettia ahead 2-0.

The Sharks were absolutely stunned while the Aroras celebrated madly. Sharks coach Dennis Viltacore pulled Peter Locart and put in Kirk Lanstaff
who had only seen action in the previous Bettia match.

Bettia meanwhile at the restart continued their absolutely dominance on the pitch with only the goaltending of Lanstaff and 2 posts coming in the way of them blowing this game wide open.

As the half ended the PopularFreedom Raven fans could be heard in the Bettia stadium chanting, 'WHERE THE RAVENS?', while the hometown Bettia fans cheered on their squad while the Sharks fans were noticeably silent.

During halftime coach Viltacore apparently ripped his players according to unnamed sources. As the 2nd half began it was apparent that wholesale changes had been made to the Sharks roster. Benched were all three starting Shark defenders (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=9416733&postcount=50) in exchange for Paul Hendelson, Kevin Andrews, and veteran Oro Julieson. In the midfield Greg Prustelik and Walter Roscoe were both yanked in exchange for Glen Owens and James Roberts. Finally the 3-6-1 formation was scrapped in exchange for a 3-2-5 formation. As Viltacore noted after, 'this is all or nothing'.

The second half started off uneventfully with the Sharks pressing but Bettia constantly clearing it to their forwards to try and spring them on scoring drives. Shark goalie Lanstaff again had to be sharp on numerous saves including one that left Bettia forward Judson York shaking his head.

The Sharks finally got their big break in the 78th minute on a cornerkick by midfielder moved to forward Cam Govardi. Govardi was able to deliver a perfectly executed banana kick that arched just over the head of the Bettia defender guarding the closer of the two goalposts and deposited itself into the upper corner. Govardi yelled in celebration as the ball arched into the net while Bettia goalie Ricardo DiTorino was furious with defender Jonathon McKinnon who up until this point had had an excellent game.

The Shark fans meanwhile roared to life with this goal with more than one Arora player cursing at the 'Shark noise' on their home turf.

On the restart the Aroras continued their plan of long ball trying to set either York or Hutton free however it was the Sharks who now started to control most of the play in both ends. Ricardo DiTorino was brilliant in net for the Aroras however and was all over saving numerous shots including one brillant arched shot by Welsh that all thought was sure to find the back of the net but DiTorino reached out and caught to the amazement of all. DiTorino infact was heard after the save yelling to Welsh that, 'you ain't no Peruvo'.

As the game wound down and injury time set in the Sharks found themselves with a corner kick 3 minutes into injury time. Coach Viltacore had everyone move up and was yelling from the sidelines during the play, 'OFFENSE, ALL OFFENSE'.

Midfielder John Collins took the kick from the left side and arched a ball to the top of the box. Midfielder Glen Owens was able to get a head on it despite the numerous players around him all vying for the ball however his header was blocked by the outstretched hands of a diving DiTorino. The rebound unfortunately for DiTorino however came towards the foot of Shark midfielder James Roberts who made no mistake in depositing the ball into the net to tie the score. Seconds later the final whistle was blown ending the match and sending the Shark players in delirious celebration while the Aroras could only watch in horror as they tied the PopularFreedom side for a second time in this World Cup.

Bettia 2 - 10' York, 15' Brooks
PopularFreedom 2 - 78' Govardi, 90'+3 Roberts (injury time)

Injuries: Peruvo - undisclosed injury (PF)

Location: International charter flight 30 minutes after departing from Bettia

Viltacore looked up at the 19 year old as he approached.

William Welsh: Sir you wanted to talk to me?

Coach Dennis Viltacore: Yep, you played well today, you're starting at forward in tomorrows game against Audioslavia

William Welsh: Umm sir, I appreciate the chance but what about Peruvo, I don't ---

Viltacore cuts him off.

Coach Dennis Viltacore: Peruvo is not starting tomorrow. He is expected to play but he is not starting. Expect you may get bumped to midfield without notice during the game too when Peruvo plays.

William Welsh: Okay sir.

Coach Dennis Viltacore: Oh one other thing William

William turns to face the coach

William Welsh: Yes sir

Coach Dennis Viltacore: Don't speak of this to anyone or expect me to yell at you worse than what our starting defenders got from me at halftime today, got it?

William Welsh: Yes sir

Location: Locke Harbour, PopularFreedom

Derek Jurinov looked in his son Peter's room as he noticed some light from under the door.

Derek Jurinov: What you up so late for?

Peter Jurinov: Just looking up some soccer stuff dad.

Derek Jurinov: You're interested in soccer now?

Peter Jurinov: Well yea, I liked the sport but well this is always been a rugby city so did not follow the game much until they showed the games here in town dad.

Derek Jurinov: What you looking at now?

Peter Jurinov: Check it out, I can search online for information on the North Beach Sharks (http://ns.goobergunch.net/wiki/index.php/North_Beach_Sharks), the team representing our country at the World Cup dad. So cool.

Derek Jurinov: That is good son.

Peter Jurinov: They have up to date information on their games and some of their players too like Peruvo (http://ns.goobergunch.net/wiki/index.php/Shawn_Peruvo). He is so awesome dad.

Derek Jurinov: He got injured today.

Peter Jurinov: Naw I figure that is just for show. The soccer league he plays in starts up in about a month so they do not want to give out any information so he just was taken off the field on a stretcher I figure so no one would know what he injured.

Derek Jurinov: Ahhhhhh I don't know son, they would have put him back after the Govardi goal to try and press for the tying goal. The fact they didn't means something is wrong with him. Maybe not serious but we won't know for sure until tomorrows game so get to bed now kid.

Peter Jurinov: Yes dad. Night




OOC: previous story on Derek Jurinov found at the following link CLICK HERE (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=9517380&postcount=331)

[OOC: I know I'm a bit late, but...]

...It all started when Judson was fouled making one of his usual runs straight at that girl at left-back. Maybe she was too busy worrying about getting her hair dirty to put a proper tackle in, I don't know...

As he returned to his hotel room in Hendersonburg, Quentin Phillips removed his wig of long blonde hair. "Haha, that worked perfectly," he said to himself. "Confused that Bettian striker to no end, seeing such an ugly-looking girl as me there. Shame I couldn't follow through properly though. I wonder if I should try that tactic again, maybe in the second Audioslavia match..."

[OOC2: You were probably thinking of Gina Zamboni, who does indeed have the capability to play at left wingback - however, Phillips is the normal starter there, with Zamboni at right wingback. I could've had Phillips out for some reason, of course, but I like this explanation better. ;)]

http://i5.photobucket.com/albums/y197/Spruitland/sportsgazette.jpg


Krytenian referee screws Wabbits over

Taken Names – Spruitland: 2 – 0

“It’s an outrage!” one disgruntled fan said after the match while the sun was rising over the stadium, a reaction most Spruitlanders can agree with. For many hours the supporters had waited, in a stadium without seats or hot-dog stands. For many hours the players had waited, on the field, ready to kick ass, until they all slumped down on the grass, exhausted. For many hours the tv-stations had waited, until they were all out of commercials and the guest analysts had rehashed every known football cliché several dozen times.

When the Krytenian officials finally arrived in the wee hours of the morning, the yawning players pleaded with them for a re-schedule, but they would have nothing of it. And so a thoroughly fatigued Spruitland team had to play a slightly less fatigued Taken Names team in a farce of a football match, with another costly three points lost as the result.

“It’s an outrage!” Spruitland coach Cor Bensen agreed. “This is a game we could never lose! Not if the players had been awake, at least. This may cost us a place in the Finals. Those Krytenians sure aren’t making many friends in Spruitland.”

The Wabbits’ only consolation is that both New Montreal States and Lethislavania, the direct competitors for the group’s play-off spot, lost as well. Their opponents, however, were of a slightly different caliber than last-placed Taken Names. And by beating the Lethislaves, even Shearer Heaven is now back in the running, in a three-way tie for third place.

“It’s not looking good,” team captain Frederic Juneau yawned, barely able to keep his eyes open. “Results like this almost make those seven scoreless draws of World Cup 23 Qualifying seem like the ‘good old days’. Well, almost.”

The final result of the match was 2-0. It is not known which two players chipped the ball over Simon Briers – passed out on the goal-line – as their names were taken and hidden somewhere other than the roster thread.

The Prime Matriarch was in her anteroom, examining the antelopes and waiting. She felt fully confident that things would be put right this day. Fully confident. Perhaps a bit nervous, but outwardly, fully confident, and there was no question of the antelopes sensing anything, at any rate. So far as they were concerned, she held a bunch of delectable bluegrass, and all was right with the world.

The sun was setting, and the last rays, cast through two-hundred-year-old stained glass, striped the antelopes in veldt-green and banana-yellow. It made for silly-looking antelopes, but the Prime Matriarch had no time for laughing at ungulates. This was the day of Globina’s scheduled return. For a month she had been executing her mission, and now, the most esteemed of apes, ruler of the great Bipedaleen nation, would learn the truth. She had no doubt it would be pleasant. After a month of contemplation-- laced from time to time with a touch of trepidation-- she had convinced herself that the human’s words must have been cockypop, after all. Certainly there was no possibility that Audioslavia was free. Certainly.

She gazed at the map of the tiny nation, a clumsy outline in raspberry ink, on a scrap of vellum; the oldest known map crafted by Bipedaleen hand. It was framed in gold-leafed wood, a fitting mount for so valuable a document. “Sondgarde,” she read; the capitol city. “Maschinestadt. Gor’Blimey-Nell’Bee.” The towns had quaint names; the Audioslavians were a quaint people.

Each year, the Official Audioslavian Oversight Administrator received a five-page annual report, along with the boatload of tribute (usually wheat or potatoes, but in recent years, dead lemmings or fresh manure, sometimes carefully packed into paper bags and set afire; the humans were nothing if not eccentric). She held the most recent report in her hand. The carefully-typed, if poorly spelled, pages were festooned with glossy black-and-white photographs of Audioslavians in their lederhosen and feather boas. The Prime Matriarch could only imagine the bright colors and the cheerful sounds of squeezebox, tuba, and bagpipes squawking and oompahing as the natives danced their merry jig.

Audioslavia free. Bah! How could such a cheerful, harmless, stupid set of humans overcome their simian overlords? And without anyone noticing? It was all the imaginings of an overworked footie-crazed human’s mind. She looked at the report and smiled.

A carefully respectful knock at the door announced the arrival of the Minister of Matriarchal Affairs from her trans-border adventure. Adventure, smiled the Prime Matriarch. More like working vacation. “Enter, Globina,” she said aloud.

The ape that sidled into the room carrying a battered satchel did not look like she was returning from a vacation. She did not look like she was returning from an adventure; at least, not a successful one. Perhaps a failed adventure. She looked frazzled. She looked frightened. She looked freaked out.

“You look well,” said the PM diplomatically.

“Thank Bejeezus I’m back among sane apes,” said Globina unceremoniously. The exclamation took the Prime Matriarch aback, rather.

“Have you been among insane apes?”

“Not apes, Prime Matriarch. Audioslavians.”

The PM let the comment settle on the ears. After a moment its apparent meaning had not changed. “You mean that the Audioslavians have become insane?”

“The Audioslavians... the Audioslavians...” Globina pronounced the word as if its texture were distinctly unpleasant to the tongue.

“Yes?” the PM prompted.

Globina gestured with her arms. It was hard to tell whether she was throwing up her hands in dismay or indicating something very large. “The Audioslavians have been fruitful and multiplied, Prime Matriarch,” managed the Minister at last.

“The population is greater than--” She glanced at the annual report. “Six million?”

“Rather.”

“How much larger?”

“I believe there were six million on the dock when the boat landed.”

“So how many are they in total?”

“Closer to six billion, Prime Matriarch.”

“Six...”

“Six billion.”

“Did you say six billion?”

“Six billion, Prime Matriarch.”

“Six BILLION? But-- That’s a thousand times! The population’s grown a thousand times?!”

“Indeed, Prime Matriarch.”

“But, I-- We must-- Globina, what’s that smell?”

“You appear to have pooped, Prime Matriarch.”

“Egad! Call the palace poopcleaner!”

“Right away, Prime Matriarch.”

“And get Beansmackle.”

“Yes, Prime Matriarch.”

While she was alone the PM paced the room in consternation. Six billion! Impossible! Globina must have smoked too many banana peels on the boatride over. She looked at the map on the wall. The tiny map, of tiny Audioslavia. Quaint little Audioslavia. Six billion. Hah!

A knock at the door interrupted her rumination.

“Globina?”

“Thellupa, Modom. The poopcleaner.”

“Ah yes, come in. One of the antelopes has pooped on the carpet. I need you to clean it immediately.”

“Yes, Modom.”

Globina returned with the Minister of Bipedaleen Defense and Other Fences. The Prime Minister waited until the poopcleaner had exited before discussing matters of state.

“Globina, tell Beansmackle what you just told me.”

“The population of Audioslavia,” explained the MMA to the MBDOF, “has grown to nearly six billion.”

Beansmackle’s jaw dropped.

“Did you hear that, Beansmackle?” asked the PM.

“I heard it, Prime Matriarch.”

“Six billion, she said.”

“I can hardly credit it, Prime Matriarch.”

“It’s true,” Globina insisted.

“But the annual report--” Beansmackle protested.

“It may be,” the PM mused solemnly, “that the annual report has been falsified.”

“That is not the worst of it, Prime Matriarch,” Globina said.

The Prime Matriarch sighed. “Tell me.”

“The country has changed its name.”

“It isn’t called Audioslavia any more?” asked Beansmackle.

“It’s still called Audioslavia. But it isn’t known as the Bipedaleen Protectorate of Audioslavia now. They call themselves...”

“Yes?”

“The Raging Bulls of Audioslavia.”

“Bullcrap!” exclaimed the Prime Matriarch, aghast. “What effrontery! What cheek!”

“Raging Bulls?” Beansmackle repeated. “As in, male cows?”

“That is my understanding.”

“How utterly and foully inappropriate! Naming a nation after a cow’s penis! Ugh!” The Prime Matriarch seemed thoroughly disgusted.

“But that’s not the worst of it,” Globina said again.

“Unbelievable. Continue, Globina.”

“The Audioslavians have developed their own economy.”

“What? How?”

“I am not sure, Prime Matriarch. I wasn‘t able to learn all the details of the last few hundred years of its history. They are no longer depending on us for shipments of banana flour to feed their wretched masses.”

“Impossible! Audioslavians practicing efficient agriculture? I cannot--”

“Not agriculture so much as manufacturing, Prime Matriarch. I believe they trade for most of their foodstuffs.”

“Trade? Manufacturing? What, exactly, do they manufacture?”

“As far as I could tell, machines.”

“Machines?”

“Machines.”

“What kind of machines?”

“Ragealicious ones, Prime Matriarch.”

The Prime Minister stared. “What in Bejeezus’ name does that mean, Globina?”

“I have no idea, Prime Matriarch. But if I translated the labels on the boxes properly, that is what the Audioslavians are exporting.”

“You saw them at the docks?” Beansmackle asked.

Globina nodded. “But that’s not the worst of it.”

“Egad,” said the Prime Matriarch. “Are we ever going to get to the worst of it?”

“We’re nearly there.”

“Fine. Tell us.”

Globina reached into her satchel, rummaged about, and eventually produced a CD.

“What is this?”

“Examine it, Prime Matriarch.”

The PM accepted the object and did as she was bid. “The Battle for Los Angeles,” she read. “Wait a minute. Why does it say, ’ratm’ on this?”

“It is the name of an extremely influential orchestra in Audioslavia.”

“Ratm? They named an orchestra ratm?”

“They did, Prime Matriarch.”

“RATM?! They named and orchestra after a rodent so foul, so rabid, its name is never to be spoken aloud in mixed company?”

“A nation that would name itself after the genitalia of a male cow,” Beansmackle mused, “would probably not worry about the feelings of its daintier sex.”

“They obviously have no respect for males,” said the PM.

“That’s not the worst of it,” Globina interjected.

“By Bejeezus and Beelzebub, tell us the worst of it already!”

“The Audioslavians have discovered... the funk-metal.”

If it were possible for the Prime Matriarch to go pale, she would have done exactly that.

“The funk... metal?”

“Yes, Prime Matriarch.”

“The funk-metal?!”

“Not the funk-metal,” Beansmackle muttered.

“How can they-- I-- Globina, what’s that smell?”

“You appear to have pooped again, Prime Matriarch.”

“Call the poopcleaner.”

The Prime Matriarch stalked to the far end of the room while the attendant was summoned. The funk-metal! Most vicious of all the weapons in the musicomilitary arsenal... How could the Audioslavians have weapons of mass destruction?

“Thellupa is here, Prime Matriarch.”

“Antelope. Poop. Again,” the PM said without looking. When the poopcleaner was done, she returned to the ministers. “I cannot believe that the Audioslavians have the funk-metal,” she declared.

“It’s true, Prime Matriarch.”

“It’s too much. Too much, Globina. You can tell me they’ve multiplied a thousandfold; you can tell me they’ve named themselves after cow penises; you can tell me they’ve developed a market economy; you can tell me they have orchestras named after unspeakably foul rodents. But you cannot tell me the Audioslavians have the funk-metal and expect me to believe it.”

“It’s true.”

“No, it isn’t.”

“Prime Matriarch... you cannot deny it.”

“I can.”

“Prime Matriarch--”

“The funk. That I could believe. The metal. That, possibly, too. The ska, the hardcore, the hip-hop. I can believe all of those. Some are powerful, but none, technically, are deadly. but the funk-metal... even after all these years, Bipedaleen militarmusicologists have yet to perfect the funk-metal! How could the Audioslavians have it?”

“Listen to the CD, Prime Matriarch.”

The PM looked at her hands. The CD was still there. The Battle of Los Angeles. By ratm. Reluctantly, she went to the stereo and inserted the disc.

“The second track, Prime Matriarch,” Globina recommended. “I believe you’ll find that one of particular interest.”

The music blared suddenly and resoundingly from the speakers. The riffs, the backbeat. The bassline; the wail. It was funk. It was metal. It was funk-metal.

Some unpleasant human began shrieking rhythmically. There were words, but the Prime Matriarch could barely make them out. She was too caught up in the all-consuming riff. Suddenly she discovered that she was dancing. “Yegad! The funk-metal! It has me! Help!” she cried.

But Globina and Beansmackle were caught in it as well. The three apes, Matriarch and ministers, flexed their bodies in time to the music. Even as she danced, unable to stop, the Prime Matriarch realized that the human vocalist was decrying ape rule. He was shouting awful, hateful things about his Bipedaleen masters.

“Lights out!” shrieked the stereo. “Gorilla radio! Turn that shit up!”

It was revolutionary! And not in any good sense. The singer was calling for the outright overthrow of the apes!

The song went on, insultingly, and despite her every effort, the Prime Matriarch could not stop herself from acting as if the anteroom were a mosh pit. Even the antelopes were dancing. It was awful. Finally, the hideous song ended. Immediately the PM dashed to the stereo, wrenched the CD from it, and dashed the thing to the stone floor. Several minutes later, Globina managed to get her to stop jumping up and down on the bits.

In time, the Prime Matriarch regained her faculties and calmed down. “That was...” she said, but could not find a negatory powerful enough to complete the sentence.

“The funk-metal is massively dangerous,” Beansmackle said.

“The singer--” Globina began. The PM cut her off.

“Singer?”

“Singer.”

“Singer?”

“On the CD. The Singer--”

“Singer?! You call that wretched shrieking singing?”

“Very well, Prime Matriarch. The shrieker is Zach de la Rocha.”

“She’s awful.”

“He, I believe, Prime Matriarch.”

“Oh, that’s just foul. A male making noises like that? how reprobate.”

“At any rate, Prime Matriarch... this was recorded some eighty years ago. The singer--”

“Shrieker.”

“--Shrieker, Zach de la Rocha, seems to have been a major revolutionary. My research suggests that it is he who developed the funk-metal for Audioslavia.”

“Indeed?”

“With some assistance from his guitarist, Marotta.”

“I see.”

“It was they who inspired the nation to embrace Socialism.”

“Hmm. Do you mean...?”

“Yes, Prime Matriarch. Zach de la Rocha seems to be the one who is responsible for Audioslavia breaking away from Bipedaleen rule.”

“This de la Rocha... is he still living?”

“I believe he is.”

“But he must be ancient!” Beansmackle said.

“He is an icon. A national hero. The young humans of Audioslavia love him.”

“Hmm.”

The Prime Matriarch mused. This had been a most magnificently disturbing meeting. She could not remember ever having had the poop shocked out of her twice in one day before. Audioslavia free, in possession of the funk-metal... the destruction of the known world was virtually assured.

But...

If this de la Rocha was the lynchpin of Audioslavian freedom....

If he could be eliminated...

“Beansmackle, do we still have the Third Chamber in effect?”

“The Third Chamber?! But Prime Matriarch... assassination is illegal under Bipedaleen law! Not to mention trans-border charter...”

“Is the Third Chamber still in effect?”

Beansmackle frowned. She did not like this at all. “Yes, Prime Matriarch.”

“Very well.” The PM took a deep breath. “For the good of the world... Zach de la Rocha... must die.”

2ND Victory Under The Belt
2-1 Win over Lethislavania Raises Morale


Obdviously both teams were nervous coming into the game(Shearer Heaven Obdviously!) and one team would win(Unexpectedly!!) but both teams had their fair amount of chances.

The highlights of the match are here!


6th Minuite
A Lethislavanian forward takes a shot from just outside the box,Marjoram saves comfortably

12th Minuite
S.Rutherford runs in ,obdviously looking for his first goal,unluckily for him,the ball goes over the bar


18th minuite
B.Marjoram took down by vicious tackle and at the same time A.Emre falls over into a barrier(B.Marjoram Replaced by C.Corrigan)(A.Emre Replaced by J.Southern


26th Minuite
C.Corrigan runs in uses skills to get past 2 Lethislavanian defenders but Dispossed on the third defender


30th Minuite
Lethislavanian forward gets past Perkins but Forsyth Tackles and clears ,but his clearence goes straight to a Lethislavanaian Midfielder who passes to a forward ,the forward shoots and Marjoram pulls off a wonderful save.

37th Minuite I.Marjoram Gets past 2 players skips past a third pulls in a lovely cross Norton headers and Keeper saves well.

42nd Minuite
Lethislavanian forward gets past Forsyth, and before Perkins can react pulls off a Wonder shot which flys into the net.

44th Minuite
Lethislavanian Winger gets past Radoti crosses ball in Lakkerston headers out and Radoti starts a run crooses in for Shearer Shearer volleys and Lethislavanian keeper makes lovely save.

Half Time

54th Minuite
J,Southern makes a run crosses ball in ball goes too far Lands On I.Marjoram Marjoram crosses in and Shearer Headers Lethislavanain Keeper saves well but I.Marjoram Sneaks in and taps in the rebound


60th Minuite
Lethislavanian forward runs in and Shoots Marjoram Saves well C.Corrigan Passed to and makes run shoots Lethislavanaian keeper saves well.


62nd Minuite S.Rutherford runs in shoots and Lethislavanian keeper tips out I.Marjoram tries a pot luck shot and Lethislavanaian keeper saves wel.

65th Minuite
Lethislavanian Winger crosses ball in Lethislavanain Forward Headers Marjoram Saves Well

70th Minuite
I.Marjoram tackles Lethislavanian Midfeilder and makes marvellous run Crosses in and Shearer Heads home.

80th Minuite
Desperate Lethislavanian last attack only 2 men back Lethislavanian forward pulls off a wonderful shot but Marjoram saves just as well as how good the shot was.

Shearer said this
we outplayed them in the 2nd half and we deserved the win.

(OOC: Another puppet for the watch-out-for list....)

The Daily Druid

SH, LE SLAPPED
By Bill Posters

The World Cup hosting committee part of the DFA, who are all currently on a huge month-long bender in Hockey Canada, have condemned both Shearer Heaven and Liverpool England. Shearer Heaven are to be had a swift word with over posting with the wrong natiopn for the umpteen thousandth time, while LE have been found to be posting OOC in the RP thread. AGAIN!

"This has happened far to many times!" said a slightly out of it representative. Why do the Liverpool English always insist on making such comments like they do? Remember, it's the discussion thread (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showthread.php?t=293066) for OOC, the RP thread for IC! I mean, we wouldn't put a link to it in our opening post if we didn't want people to use it!"

The representative then proceeded to urinate on a nearby table.

Qualification?
Tadjiks close to WC24.

Somewhat uncertain the Tadjiks arrived in New Montreal States, knowing that they had a though job ahead of them, but with recent sucesses, the Tadjik fans who accompanied their team were confident that they'd go home with three points, and thanks to a good Salenko, they got what they came for; A good Tadjik result from a good match.

New Montreal States was probably looking for a revenge and a way to secure their current third spot in the group. The Tadjiks on the other side were looking for a change in the teams performance and making safe their own qualification ticket, this last objective is about the only thing in which the sadirovs agree with Luchinsky; Tadjikistan has to saty out of the Play off spot at all costs.

Salenko, who has been Tadjikistans unexpected star of the qualifications, enhanced his reputation by making the first goal in the twentieth minute, with some help from Pliiev, another rising star of the Tadjiks. New Montreal States and the 'Polytech boys' werent all to happy with Tadjikistan leading position and put up some pretty strong resistance, eventually even the score, 11 minutes later. New Montreal States had some reason to relax, but events were about to turn against them.

Late in the first half, Peter Bayerenov and Michael Pliiev move up into the New Montreal Defense line, Pliiev passed a shot to Bayerenov who controlled it with his left leg, at the same time he got Marc Dupuis, a Polytech keeper jumping at him, throwing him down to the ground. A tackle from that reminds us of enfant terrible Boris Gromov who nearly started a war between Krytenia and Tadjikistan with a similar tackle many years ago. The ref simply couldnt look around it and gave the Tadjiks a penalty kick which was cashed in by Oleg Salenko. A satisfying first half ended for the Tadjiks, while NMS coach Filon replaced the staduim music by loud swearing that could be heard a couple miles further.

At the beginning for the first half New Montreal States besieged the Tadjik box, their drive was probably ignited by Coach Filons public swearing session who remained calm and silent for the duration of the siege. The end of the greta NMS assault came after some ten minutes and a couple good saves of Vorozheikin, when Lavr Kornilovs kick in arrived in Galitski's feet, Galitski answerred by driving it past Polytech reserve keeper ST-Eustache into the lower corner of his goal.

The match was completed by Gregor Szarmach, when Bayeerenov asked to be replaced. Szarmach, who had not played too much on the national team, saw it as an opportunity to show what he could do and while his first shot went past the NMS box, his second was wellplaced aganst the left pole, deflecting into the box, setting the final score to 1-4 for the visitors.

The match was over and won for the Tadjiks but for the players New Montreals team it went on in their locker room with an angry Filon as opponent. In the meantime Rezvon and Bahrom Sadirov stayed around and granted their first short interviews to the reporters who were all to happy that they could fanilly get some questions answerred.

Rezvons concerns were mainly with the teams future for the remainder of the Qualifications :'We are trying to see were we can make the best gain and are trying to calculate how much we need to win. We are not invincible now, we have to expect setbacks against such teams as Total n Utter Insanity. And offcourse we cannot rule out the lower ranked teams, they are doing quite good against our expectations, just look at the way Taken names and Shearer Heaven dealt with their advesaries. I would like to win the next trhee matches and defend our position as much as we can in the last four, thats the most logical strategy, but it might have to turn that around if we fail to stand up against those smaller football nations.'

Rezvons brother Bahrom was already looking into the next match versus Shearer Heaven:'As my brother said, Shearer Heaven did quite a good bargain today, winning against Lethislavanian and -according to our Federation- they've got third spot now. I'd expect them to defend that. But its a home match so we have a slight advantage. Main problem today is the replacement of Peter Bayerenov, who got injured. I can only tell you what our forward line will look like once I know what our team doctor has to say about it. Szarmach did a great job and he's candidate for that position.'


Fixtures:
MD1: Tadjikistan - New Montreal States W 3-1
MD2: Shearer Heaven - Tadjikistan D 0-0
MD3: Tadjikistan - Taken Names W 2-0
MD4: Lox land Island - Tadjikistan D 1-1
MD5: Total n Utter Insanity - Tadjikistan L 3-0
MD6: Tadjikistan - Lethislavania W 1-0
MD7: Spruitland - Tadjikistan W 1-2
MD8: New Montreal States - Tadjikistan W 1-4
MD9: Tadjikistan - Shearer Heaven
MD10:Taken Names - Tadjikistan
MD11:Tadjikistan - Lox Land Island
MD12:Tadjikistan - Total n Utter Insanity
MD13:Lethislavania - Tadjikistan
MD14:Tadjikistan - Spruitland

group 3
Lox Land Island 0 - 4 Total n Utter Insanity
New Montreal States 1 - 4 Tadjikistan
Shearer Heaven 2 - 1 Lethislavania
Taken Names 2 - 0 Spruitland


http://users.pandora.be/bdc/Tadj/TNFF.gif
The Tadjiks want a roster so the Federation made one for them
Just hope it is correct!!

Group 3 Pl W D L F A Pts GD
Total n Utter Insanity 8 5 3 0 17 5 18 +12
Tadjikistan 8 5 2 1 12 7 17 +6
Shearer Heaven 8 2 4 2 9 10 10 -1
New Montreal States 8 2 4 2 10 12 10 -2
Spruitland 8 3 1 4 12 14 10 -2
Lethislavania 8 2 3 3 10 11 9 -1
Taken Names 8 2 1 5 7 11 7 -4
Lox Land Island 8 1 2 5 6 14 5 -8

Nolan's second hat trick ensures 3rd straight win
Unbeaten streak up to eight matches

Mike Nolan has been anything bu ordinary so far in World Cup 24. He already has 10 goals in the first set of matches. Today was another excellent day as he recorded his second hat trick of the WC24 qualifiers and lead Fmjphoenix to their third straight victory, this being a 3-2 over Geisenfried. This time around they were able to get that extra goal to ensure the victory and make up for the draw at home in the opener.

Geisenfried opened up strong to start the match, coming up early to challenge Powell Lamar. The first shot attempted by one of thier midfielders clanged off of the crossbar, but it rebounded to a Geisenfried forward, who fired a powerful shot that narrowly past Lamar for an early 1-0 lead. But right before the 10th minute Nolan come through with an equalizer just outside of the box. Geisenfried had a good chance to come back and take the lead. They came in on a counterattack that the Vikings defenders did not react to fast enough. The forward who scored the first goal was very close to adding a second goal, but his shot was tipped out of bounds by Lamar. The ensuing corner kick was taken over by the Vikings and the threat was over, at least for the moment. A rough challenge lead to a penelty kick, that Nolan took and put home for the lead in the 39th minute. That was it for the first half. The Vikings had advantages all over, 5 shots on target to 2 for Geisenfried, and a 28-17 possession lead.

But again Geisenfried seemed destened to spurn the Vikings out of 3 points. They came right out at the start of the second half and aggresively attacked, taking 4 shots on target within the first 5 minutes, and finally, the same forward who scored the first goal put it home again to draw the match even at 2. Fans attending the match in person and the millions at home and Viking Stadium watched, hoping that a repeat was not going to happen. While the game was closing in on the final minutes, Coach Wash called for an all out attack. Seven playeres advanced forward, coming up with everything. Luckily for them, Nolan had it all in his head. A beautiful cross by Jason Mitchell was being sent for Larry Brown, but a Geisenfried defender was there to challenge it. The ball popped up in the air and Nolan was ready. He jumped barely over another defender and headed the ball right past the Geisenfried keeper for a 3-2 lead with only 3 minutes left in the match. Geisenfried could not get close enough to try and equalize and were left hoping for a prayer that was launched out from 30 feet back. As it was a prayer, it was several feet over the net.

Fmjphoenix: 3 - Geisenfried: 2
Nolan 9, 41, 87 - Forward 4, 48

Fmjphoenix Goal Scorers:
Nolan 13
Daniels 4
Brown 2
McAllister 1
Grimm 1

Fmjphoenix's World Cup 24 Qualification:
MD01: Fmjphoenix vs Geisenfried Draw 2-2
MD02: Fmjphoenix @ Naleoospalakintula Win 5-0
MD03: Fmjphoenix vs Prince Aidan Win 4-0
MD04: Fmjphoenix @ Tallionis Win 2-1
MD05: Fmjphoenix @ Starblaydia Draw 1-1
MD06: Fmjphoenix vs Harlesburg Win 2-1
MD07: Fmjphoenix @ Finrods Win 2-1
---------------------------------------
MD08: Fmjphoenix @ Geisenfried Win 3-2
MD09: Fmjphoenix vs Naleoospalakintula
MD10: Fmjphoenix @ Prince Aidan
MD11: Fmjphoenix vs Tallionis
MD12: Fmjphoenix vs Starblaydia
MD13: Fmjphoenix @ Harlesburg
MD14: Fmjphoenix vs Finrods
Record: 6-2-0

Comments from the messageboard after Kaze Progressa's 2-1 home defeat to Rejistania

We didn't make fools of ourselves this time. I think we're improving with almost every match and we've still got a real chance of qualifying via the playoffs. Very impressed with Rejistania - their defense is so strong that their creative players can afford to take risks, and it seems as though they might just be realising that. [lespaamer44]

Shame we couldn't win it! Nice try guys, we just need to stop Wella again or maybe Spaam [zipit352]

Two really good goals by Rejistania - their class showed tonight, but so did our character. Obviously the top two are a class apart, but I think we might hang on to third on this form [ktfan494]

DAMN I was so excited when we got to 2-1, forgot that nobody scores two past Rejis in a game without godmodding [t3hst00pida]

I think we'll lose third place for a while with the other ranked teams to play next, but if we beat all three unranked teams we should get that spot back. I think it'll come down to the last match when we visit The Archregimancy, but if we can get something out of the Wella and Spaam matches it'll take an awful lot of pressure off us. And didn't we beat Wella away? I think so! [yumyum-sugarycrap]


Kaze Progressa 1-2 Rejistania
Olog 60 Sejil 19
Syku 49

Jeruselem Government News

The Empires Strikes Back

World Cup XXIV match day VIII. The top two in Group 7 won and others decided to be charitable to each other sharing the points.

Crystilakere had to take on 3rd placed Ruventsoria who was not an easy opponent. However like any champ, they prevailed with narrow 1-0 win to keep Ruventsoria 3rd and stay above Jeruselem. Ruventsoria did challenge for a while but the Crystils held off the challengers.

Jeruselem stopped the rot and beat Klakistany 2-1 to retain 2nd spot. The last two games yielded a loss and a draw, but this win placed it two points further ahead of Ruventsoria whose draw was helpful to Jeruselem. Klakistany's chances are slipping every loss now.

Haperd had the chance to make an impact against the top 2 when playing 0-0 Is Evil, but the 0-0 team earned a point denying Haperd 3 points with TWO ALL DRAW. A wasted chance for Haperd.

Hypocria took on Southern Manchester for some "easy" points and guess what? No one won and the ONE ALL draw was as exciting as growing grass.

No changes in the order of the table! Top 2 are slowing pulling away from 3rd who can still be caught by the last placed team.

Ruventsoria 0 - 1 Crystilakere
Klakistany 1 - 2 Jeruselem
0-0 Is Evil 2 - 2 Haperd
Southern Manchester 1 - 1 Hypocria

Friday 26th August 2005
Dear diary...

Well this is just great.

First it transpires that Bedistani footballers like to indulge in a bit of on-pitch cross-dressing... then we go and draw with PopularFreedom AGAIN (who it seems were under the impression that THEY were the ones playing away)... and now the servers at Bettian passport control have gone haywire meaning that no-one can get back into the country. I've heard some other countries are having problems too. Maybe its some sort of global anti-passport control virus that doing the rounds. I hope they sort it out soon, I don't fancy playing our next match in '0'.

It was quite a bizarre match too. Just a few minutes in, one of our defenders carelessly left his foot lying around resulting in PopDom's star striker tripping over it in a rather comical fashion. I've got no idea whose foot it was though, I didn't noticed any of our boys hopping around with just one leg. Anyway, their player got injured and the home team were forced to reshuffle.

That obviously shook them up somewhat cos we went and scored just a couple of minutes afterwards, thanks to a rather spawny shot from the Judderman. I managed to set him away on one of his typical runs down the wing, and he took a rather hopeful looking effort from a narrow angle which somehow snuck inside the post past a static keeper.

Well that fired us up good and proper, so we thought 'what the hell, lets do it again'. I goes and nicks the ball off them, and I spot Juds making yet another run, so I naturally I laid the ball off to him before getting myself in position to receive the return ball. Sure enough, he spots me making my run and crosses it in, but I just missed it by a matter of centimetres. Luckily, Little Ev (a rather ironic nickname for a six-footer) was on hand to smash in a dipping shot to make it two.

'Excellent', I thought to myself, 'We're gonna win this one easy'. I dare say the Storming 'roras who made the journey to PopularFreedom thought the same as, and I put this mildly, we really should've been five or six up by half-time. I somehow managed to hit the post twice, and their keeper was on top form.

I don't what what the home side put in their half-time tea but it worked. Their manager had obviously been studying the tapes from our first game because they came out with an ultra-attacking formation which put our 4-2-4 to shame. The secdon half was a lot more even, and we often resorted to soaking up pressure and attempting to hit them on the counter-attack. It worked for a while as we had a couple more chances, but they got back into the game and stole a point thanks to some sloppy defending from a corner.

First they played a short corner to Govardi who was lurking near the corner of the area, and he took a wickedly curling shot that bent right over Jon's head and into the goal. And if that wasn't bad enough, we went and conceded from another corner right at the death. Normally, it's us that come back in injury time, like that game against Nedalia in the last World Cup, but this time it was our turn to let it slip. Their corner was floated into the box and met with a thundering header which Ricardo did well to save. Unfortunately, he could only parry it as far as their midfielder Roberts, and there it we have it... a 2-2 draw that should've been a win. That leaves us three points off qualifying, and third only on goal difference. We really have to pick it up now if we're going to even sneak into the playoffs.

Oi boss! Have they sorted out our passports yet?


PopularFreedom 2 (Govardi 78, Roberts 93)
Bettia 2 (York 10, Brooks 15)

MD1: Bettia 1-1 PopularFreedom (The Gasworks, Gabalfa)
MD2: Viszonia 1-3 Bettia
MD3: Bettia 4-0 San-Lorenzo (Shubunkin Park, Akani Sands)
MD4: Kurumada 0-1 Bettia
MD5: Bettia 3-1 Kericia (The Stamping Ground, Lorshill)
MD6: Audioslavia 2-0 Bettia
MD7: Bedistan 3-1 Bettia (South Coast Arena, Hendersonburg)
MD8: PopularFreedom 2-2 Bettia
MD9: Bettia vs Viszonia (The Campus Ground, Grappenhall)
MD10: San-Lorenzo vs Bettia
MD11: Bettia vs Kurumada (Thamitra Gate, Tamrida)
MD12: Kericia vs Bettia
MD13: Bettia vs Audioslavia (Al-Fath Stadium, Sukatra)
MD14: Bettia vs Bedistan (Stadiwm Bettia, Gabalfa)

Official post from the government of Trebnak.

Greetings,

We have heard revelations from our spies that the nation of Trotsgrad will be banning Mr. Jodoski from playing in their football leagues during his PopularFreedom suspension. Our government has chosen to allow Mr. Jodoski to play in our leagues and we also welcome anyone else suspended by their host country to play in the greatest nation in the world!

Sincerely, Pauline Soros
Commander of Trebnak



OOC: I cant log into my PopularFreedom account for some wierd reason so figured I would continue the Jodoski saga in the meantime while I am out of town for the weekend :)

Greetings Comrades,

The nation of Trotsgrad, after reviewing the conduct of Mr Jodoski and noting the concerns of the PopularFreedom government have concluded that allowing Mr Jodoski to participate would ruin the spirit of the football community. It is therefore our decision that Mr. Jodoski will be banned from playing for any Trotsgrad teams for the duration of his suspension issued by the PopularFreedom Football representatives.

Sincerely, Trots Bjda (Leader of the nation of Trotsgrad)
Humble follower of the people




OOC: NS still down, still cant get into PopularFreedom account, wondering the scores of today's games so adding some more RPing to the 'Jodoski affair'.

OOC FYI: Trebnak, Trotsgrad, and PopularFreedom are all controlled by the same individual in RL

Greetings,

The nation of PopularFreedom appreciates the actions of the nation of Trotsgrad in upholding the suspension we have placed on Mr. Jodoski. His actions were reckless and therefore to condone these actions by allowing him to continue to play we find concerning. We request the nation of Trebnak to rethink their decision of allowing Mr. Jodoski the opportunity to play since this is not in the best interests of the sport.

Sincerely, Prime Minister Bayda

FALE apologies to KD/DK on unruly press releases

The FALE have sent its apologies to the Druidan and Krytenian Football Associations on its recent spate of press releases which really detail no information. Experts believe this is to drum up hype for the incumbent FALE chairman, Gareth Dussis, facing re-election for the post after Qualifying.

"The DFA and KFA should have received messages of apologies, personally sent out by me," Dussis was quoted. "The releases should not have gone out; it was a waste of space, money, time, and did not do anything. The DFA and KFA have the FALE's sincere apologies."

CasariONENews

One Red Dot Falls to the Confederation
Casari has winning record again
by Ed Michaelson, Sports Editor

And the next team to fall was One Red Dot.

Number ten seed One Red Dot.

Trust me, I checked the final score 4 times when it came over the wire.

Today, the stars of Casaran soccer took down one of the top twelve teams of this tournement. The questionable and at times bizzare route which the Casaran Soccer Authority got ready for this tournement ended today with clear evidence that it was a success.

It all started a year ago, when the CSA, out of the blue, announced it's intention to contest the World Cup. In a seemingly short amount of time, it was announced that Vivica Hill, Striker for West Baronies FC, one of the few women in Casaran football, had been named to put together this national team.

Her choices were confusing as she assembled a coaching staff centered around Tim Bridges, one of the most successful coaches in Casaran soccer history, and the lead proponent of the defensive style of play.

The team was then slowly filled by some of the youngest prospects and stars the nation had to offer. Many of the older vetrans felt a little slighted and blasted the efforts of the CSA to play in the World Cup with a bunch of unknowns.

But they all got shut up today.

The pictures taken of the crowd in the square outside of the stadium, cheering and screaming, waving at the team and staff as they stood on the stadium balcony after the game tell the true success of the team.

The lone goal today, a breakaway on a counterattack in the 56th minute, was probably as much luck as skill, but today's victory was surely earned by the team.

Tomorrow is Casari's second match against 48 seed Sonaron, which Casari got the same 1-0 win at home against in week 2. With any luck, We'll perform at this calibur again.

An obnoxious intro-theme to some equally obnoxious Audioslavian news channel blares out on some telly in Audioslavia.

"We interrupt this program to bring you a brief but slightly interesting news flash. Today, a team of fiendish nihilist hackers broke into the mainframes of many of the world's nations, and set about fiddling with their statistics. Audioslavia was one such country, and for ten hours was renamed to "The Nothing of Nothing". For ten hours, our official currency was 'The Nothing', while our population was at an all-time low: 0.

Fortunately, the Nihilist Ninjas (as they call themselves) have been locked up, tortured, and killed by the TnUFBI. TnUI wasn't affected by their actions, but as many an Audioslavian knows, the insanicians are just nasty like that. This has been Channel One News, g'nite bitches."

The TV is switched off by a hairy man.

---

The shores of the popular Machinegardian seaside town of Tetney are twinkling slightly in the twilight. Its been a few hours since the holidaymakers went home, and the only people left on the beach are dog-walkers and the odd couple going for the cliche romantic stroll. Thats not the odd couple of course, i mean that there are a few couples around. No.. no my mistake, theres a guy with Walter Matthau's coffin and a very very old person. Must be some art students or something.

The calm serenity is broken by the horrendous sound of a fog-horn, signalling of course, the arrival of more tourists on the Tetney Ferry. It could possibly even be carrying the Popular Freedom football side coming in for their match, although they'd probably be getting the plane. Also, they probably wouldn't be going to Tetney or Machinegrad, seeing as their match is in Soundgardiana. That was at least five-thousand miles away. Audioslavia had grown into a monster country since it was but a small colony of the vast Monopedal Monkey empire. That however, was way back in the dark ages when the entire country was roughly one fifth the size of Machinegardia.

All these visions and thoughts came to the mind of one man. One very old man, sitting on his porch of his house a few yards away from the beach. The man was a hundred and eight years old, but wasn't an invisible man like so many of the elderly are. This man still got a lot of attention from holiday makers, some of them wanting to shake his hand or have a photo taken with him. He didn't mind of course, he was used to it. The old man sat back in his chair, letting his long grey dreadlocks flow down to the floor, and signalled for his 'helper' James, a young ginger man, also with dreadlocks. James strolled up.

"James.. James that y.. that you.. dude?" coughed the old man.
"I'm here sir, do you want the usual?" James replied.
"Yea mo... mo... mo... fo... mofo. Yea the usual". James walked round to a nearby drum-kit. He tapped the ride cymbal four times. Upon not hearing a word from the old man, he tapped it four more times, and then a further eight times. The elderly gentleman sat up slightly in his rocking chair, and slowly brought a small black object to his lips. After another four ride hits from James, he belted the words 'Kick It!!' as loud as he could. The old man wasn't as loud as he once was, but the sound of his rasping voice coming through the speakers on his patio was enough to make his two cats, Noam and Heron, wake up and run for their lives.
In a beat, James broke into a drum riff. But this wasn't your average rock and roll drum riff. The kickdrum and the snare combined for a more staccato kind of beat, with the hi-hats being ticked over at an irregular pace. It wasn't your average rock and roll beat, it shared more in common with the funk-metal rhythms that the old man had grown up with. As James pelted away on the cans, the elderly man started grunting a few words, as if to get him warmed up.
"Uh!... Yeah... C'mon! Muthafucka yo!". The old man smiled. A pause. A deep breath.
"Yea sittin on tha dock of tha bay
Watchin' tides y'all, roll away!
Yea i'm sittin' on tha dock of tha bay
Wastin time! Yeah Yo Motherfucka kick the beat!"
A quick drum-fill by James and a big smash on the cymbal stopped the drum-beat in its tracks. The old man sat back in his rocking his chair and, slowly, rocked himself back to sleep. James walked up, took the microphone from his hands and dropped it gently on the table beside him. He turned back to the old man.
"That rocked man. You never get tired do ya". James smiled and turned round. He frowned at what he saw. A small ape in a business suit was stood a few yard away, staring at the old man with its mouth wide open. It appeared to have just gotten off the ferry. James looked back at the ape who, upon seeing that it was being watched, shook its head quickly and looked away at the rest of the town. The ape seemed to register another pang of shock as it looked at the buildings in front of it. With an accusing look at James and the old man, it walked on into the city. James looked back at the sleeping old man, slightly bemused.
"Well" he said, tossing a small blanket over the man's legs. "I've absoloutely no idea what that was about, but if that ape had one fewer legs, i'd say the Monopedal Monkeys were taking back colonial rule, heh. Anyway, i'm gonna go watch TV.". He reached to turn off the amplifier and made his way back into the house, leaving the old man with just a few words: "Have a nice sleep, Zack".

Neither James or Zack saw the Vilitan man jogging and laughing towards the beach with a can of Burung Brew in hand.

thsd:NEWS

Frisk Apologises

Experienced Krytenian referee Gavin Frisk last night apologised for his late arrival at the recent Spruitland-Taken Names match, which he put down to "bureaucracy". Frisk claimed he was held up for some time at customs after officers saw a "suspicious X-ray" in his briefcase - this later turned out to be a pair of linesman's flags which Frisk was carrying for his assistants.

OOC: MATCHDAY NINE scores have arrived! (http://www.forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=9524920&postcount=9)

CasariONENews

Casari Ties Sonaron
Still in striking distance on leaders

Casari's tie with Sonaron today isn't the best result, but it's not the worst, either.

After this, five matches remain, starting at home vs. Kipto-Mare and away vs. FCN.

However, Nanakaland's loss to FCN have moved Casari four points clear of their nearest competitors. But 2nd place Kipto-mare lost to 6th place Greecedonia, and 3rd place One Red Dot tied last-place Yafor 2, leaving both at 16 points, 2 ahead of Casari.

The competition remains within striking distance, and a win at home, where Casari has come up with some amazing results in the past days, against Kipto-Mare tomorrow will move Casari up to an amazing third place.

MICHEL LACIE: Welcome to tonight's coverage of World Cup qualifying action on PSN, the Paladin Sports Network. I'm Michel Lacie, and I'm with Gerald Rochon here at TnUI. The Paladins sure took it up the ass last match against Tadjikistan, eh?

GERALD ROCHON: Damn straight, Michel. Coach Filon was not pleased, to say the least, and the Paladins will struggle to bounce back against the 13th ranked team in the world, on the road no less.

MICHEL: Frog's Academy will be representing the Paladins tonight. They did very well against TnUI at the Paladin Dome, but this trip to TnUI will be a real test. Will this be another Bedistan, or a huge flop?

*******

MICHEL: ...last drive ended with a move like that, but they seem to have countered it. And here's an Insanican on the counterattack. Passes it up the right side, Xavier Michel just got caught napping. Shoots and...off the crossbar! Another Insanican pulls up, shoots again, and it's...in. Shit. 1-0 TnUI after 29 minutes.

GERALD: You can say that again.

MICHEL: Shit.

GERALD: Quit being so literal. Anyway, looks like coach Filon is not happy. Looks like Michel will be sitting the rest of this one out... Michel will be replaced by another midfielder, looks like Filon is shifting to a 3-5-2 to try and even things up.

*******

GERALD: ...brought down, that's gonna be a card...and the TnUI defender just got sent off for that. The ref judges that he deliberately kneed Percon in the balls. The fans aren't happy about that one, as foward Ian Darcy steps up to take the kick...OFF THE CROSSBAR! He had the keeper completely fooled, and then knocks it off the crossbar.

MICHEL: Someone needs to get all sharp objects out of the locker room, as coach Filon will probably have a few choice words to share with his team after this dismal first half. TnUI 1, NMS 0, we'll be back for the second half right after this.

*******

MICHEL: ...nice tackle, though. Random Insanican dude takes the pass back at the line, dribbles foward, oh shit, that one went right off Martel's head, and it looks like an open net shot for that foward...keeper Chang dives, but that's way too short, and it'll be 2-0 for TnUI after 76 minutes of play.

*******

GERALD: ...and there's the whistle. The Paladins continue their free-fall with a 2-0 loss here in TnUI. Coach Filon will run out of swear words at this rate. See you next time here on the Paladin Sports Network, when we travel to the Paladin Dome for a match against Lethislavania.

Alexandria Times-Post-Gazette-Chronicle-Journal-Enquierer

Sports Section

Inside: Clyde Misterson talks about the Desert Foxes chances in the MFL

Milchama lose again Qualification hopes slim

The Milchama Warriors lost again tonight making their hopes of qualification slim after two strait and falling straight down the standings. Now 10 points of adrift of 3rd place Lowland Clans the Milchama Warriors need points against the Clans and against the Bluebirds of Nova Brittanacus to stay alive in the hunt for World Cup qualification. Coach Fairbanks, whose job is no longer on the line, said, "Now we put ourselves in a tough position today after losing to straight and not scoring any goals. We need to play better in order to win now. Our next game is so important a win and we still have a chance. A draw and a lesser chance. A loss and we're as good as out of it."
Match Report:
The two goals from Pedriana came in the first half. One goal came by Striker Z and one by Midfielder Q. The Warriors played well but just seemed to have a lack of focus for the first half and never really got it together. The first goal came in the 13th minute when after a huge defensive breakdown Z was left all alone in the center of the box and smashed the ball past to make it a 1-0 for Pedriana. Only 7 minutes Midfielder Q made 3 Warriors look stupid before shooting the perfect shot into the net to make it 2-0 to Pedriana. After the second goal the Warriors seemed to calm down and play much better football. For the rest of the 1st half they seemed content to just stop the Pedrianan and counter-attack when neccesary. After halftime the Warriors seemed to have more pep in their and started to play some more attacking football with Rintel and Timmons controlling the midfield play and the strikers making excellent runs thru the defense. Unfortunately, in what seems to be a bigger and bigger theme against some of these better the Warriors just could not finish their shots. Floren hit the post in the 64th and in the 67th minute he hit the cross bar. Faren had a shot go just over the bar in the 70th. Flinters saw his shot hit the crossbar in the 71st while Feders saw his shot beat the keeper but not the post in the 75th minute.
Final Score:
Pedriana 2 (Z 13, Q 20)
Milchama 0 (another shut out)

Sarzonia rattles Chileany

WOODSTOCK (ASP) -- With the looming threat of war hitting the Sarzonian countryside once again, Incorporated Sarzonian Air Force jets streaked through the skies of northwest Woodstock and security at brand-new Bryan Marshall Stadium searched supporters before they entered the stadium. Fans were not allowed to bring bags or containers into the stadium.

The restrictions are nothing new for a Sarzonian populace familiar with the threat of war, but the Chileany national footballers looked nervous at the onset of the match and never recovered from the early jitters. Sarzonia prevailed 4:0 and all but assured themselves a spot in World Cup XXIV in either Krytenia or Druida.

"We just had to get to the stadium real early and go about our business and have faith we would be well taken care of," midfielder and team captain Darwin Russell said. "We've done this plenty of times."

They've also won plenty of football matches over the years. In Coach Dave Wilson's final season running the Stars football programme, his team came into the World Cup XXIV qualifying campaign having lost only five matches in the previous three World Cups. Sarzonia (8-1-0, 25 points, first place Group 8) look like they're beginning to round into form as the qualifying season draws near the end.

"We're starting to get our legs a little bit," Wilson said. "We were able to dominate the match and put it away when we had the opportunity."

Indeed, Sarzonia built their 4:0 lead before the half hour mark and looked ready to score even more goals but for a great flurry of saves by Chileany's reserve goalkeeper.

Sarzonia prepare to face Brazillico away and the Stars boarded the team bus en route to their charter plane to Brazillico just two hours after the final whistle sounded. The team is preparing to fly on a heavily-escorted charter flight in response to the declaration of war by Pantera and the intense fighting between Sarzonia and one of the world's megapowers. Dave Wilson said his players were going to "put mind over matter" as they deal with the war.

"You can't stop living your lives," he said. "We're aiming to give our people something to cheer about."

CHFF Headquarters, Commerce Heights, CT
金正日 (Assistant to the President, CHFF): Has Strategy done anything during the World Cup qualifying campaign? We LOST three–slani–nil to slani Sarzonia, took a pathetic 0–1 against some random nation, and were held to a terrible 0–0 draw against some other random nation! What do you have to say for yourself!?

Jack Dalton (Executive Strategist, CHFF Planning Division): What does my work have to do with the World Cup qualifiers?

金: It has everything to do with the Cup. Your entire slani job is to plan strategies for the matches!

Dalton: It is?

金: Of course it is! Don’t you even know how to read?

Dalton: Everything except your name…

金: So, have you just been sitting in your fancy chair drinking coffee for the last six months, or has your division done anything productive?

Dalton: I thought our job was to plan strategies for the federation, not national team! Here, this is our most recent project.

Dalton hands 金 an image (http://www.thirdgeek.com/aeropag2014.png), apparently an Olympics bid logo.

金: What the slani hell does hosting the Olympics have to do with us?

Dalton: There isn’t exactly an organization set up for it—the CH Olympics Committee is gone!

金: And your “strategy” was to get us involved with a hosting bid? We don’t even know that there will be a 2014 Olympics, or even if the Megalopolis City games will happen!

Dalton: But other than that, it’s not a bad strategy…

金: That’s the least of the problems. For instance, the snow is in Rista Lokato, not Aeropag.

Dalton: I was investigating the possibility of obtaining a deal with TechConGroup or Asgard Technologies to build artificially cold venues for the Games.

金: Maybe it’s a good idea, maybe it isn’t. Still, it wasn’t your job. And unlike slani commie states like Eauz, I don’t have to pay you for work I don’t want. But if you have any good strategies to finish our World Cup campaign, I might be persuaded to repay you for losses incurred as a result of your genuine confusion…

Dalton: And if that happens, will the corporate strategies I developed be considered?

金: Of course they’ll be considered. I just don’t see the Olympics around here anytime soon.

Dalton: May I be dismissed?

金: Yes. And I want a soccer strategy on my desk tommorrow morning!

Dalton: With all due respect, Mr. Assistant to the President, it already is “tommorrow morning.”

金: Oh, has it really been that long? I’d better go home now. You probably should, too.

Dalton: No, I can’t. I have some soccer strategizing that can’t wait for long. Good ni—morning!

http://i5.photobucket.com/albums/y197/Spruitland/sportsgazette.jpg


Only just

Spruitland – Lox Land Island: 2 – 1

Tonight’s home match against Lox Land Island did not do much to restore the nation’s confidence in their national football team. Only a late goal by Dirk Jools managed to secure the victory and avoid yet another disastrous point-loss.

The match started off well enough. Samson Trouwel’s early goal raised hopes for a convincing win, something Spruitland has been without for way too long. But despite the early lead, the Wabbits played like a team without motivation and self-confidence, allowing the Islandlanders to get back into the match.

Right winger Nathan Legere scored the equalizer for Lox, shortly after half time, and most of the rest of the match was marked by the Wabbits’ grossly inefficient attempts to get into a scoring position, under an ever-increasing chorus of boos and whistles from the home crowd. When Jools finally managed to score the winning goal, more than two thirds of the crowd had already left the stadium.

The Lox Land Island goal was the fifteenth goal the Wabbits conceded in this Qualifying campaign, making this the ninth match (out of nine) in which Simon Briers failed to keep a clean sheet. It is therefore not a huge surprise that coach Cor Bensen announced he will be replaced by Johan Verbeek for the next match, possibly for the rest of Qualifying.

Simon Briers has been Spruitland’s solid number one since their entrance into international football at the pre-World Cup 23 Baptism of Fire Cup – and before that on an Under-21 level – and it seemed to be a given that he would retain this position for several more years. However, his transfer after World Cup 23 to bottom-feeders AFC Avidia in the Krytenian Overleage, where Briers did not particularly impress, coupled with increasingly strong performances from Johan Verbeek with Spruitland champions FC Albertine, had raised some doubts already.

But Cor Bensen kept his confidence in Briers, opting for international experience over form, a decision he may be regretting now.

“No regrets,” Bensen denies this. “Just because I’m replacing Briers does not mean I feel he’s been playing poorly or is in any way to blame for the points we lost. The problem is much more complicated than that.”

“When a team ain’t performing the way it should and just can’t seem to get into a rhythm, it’s time to make some changes. Verbeek for Briers is the one change I can announce right now, but it won’t be the only one. There will most likely be some fresh blood in the defense as well. The midfield and forward line will probably remain unchanged, with Jan Wolters staying in the team in favor of Jonas Horst.”

By giving some of the substitute defenders a chance, Bensen is obviously aiming for a “now or never” effect, and he’ll undoubtedly be hoping they rise above themselves in the upcoming important matches in an effort to prove they deserve a place in the first team.

With five qualifying matches to go, the play-off spot is still within reach for Spruitland, but it will hardly be a walk in the park. The matches against the bottom two of the group are over and done with, what remains is three decisive matches against the teams still competing for third place, followed by two matches that may not matter anymore by then, against TnUI and Tadjikistan, who seem almost certain of qualification.

“By giving away so many easy points,” Cor Bensen says, “we’ve put ourselves in a bit of a jam. It’s gonna be hard work to get out of it. The next three matches are extremely important. We pretty much need a nine out of nine to stand a chance, because we have to take into account that we’re gonna lose points in the last two matches.”

Spruitland sports-fans seem quietly pessimistic about the Wabbits’ chances, with bookmakers putting Spruitland’s odds of qualifying at 25 to 1.

Spruitland – Lox Land Island: 2 – 1
1-0 Trouwel (11’)
1-1 Legere (48’)
2-1 Jools (86’)

GROUP TEN
Spaam 1 - 3 Kaze Progressa
Rejistania 5 - 0 The Archregimancy
Eauz 2 - 0 Poppuli
Wella 2 - 0 Jewish Citizens


No news was forthcoming from the Archregimancy this evening as the squad crossed back across the frontiers of the Dreamed Realm last night following their miserable 5-0 drubbing at the hands of group leaders Rejistania.

"This one we can't even pretend to fob off as a moral victory" said an anonymous source close to the squad "we can only assume that the Lord wishes us his unworthy servants to suffer so that we may further understand His infinite wisdom."

"Suffering's good for the soul, after all" said another anonymous source, repeating what is rapidly becoming the Archregimancy's footballing catch phrase.

Another source close to the squad have emphasised the importance of the squad getting at least four points from the upcoming matches against Spaam and Wella, "Kaze Progressa's victory against Spaam really puts us up against it - and Wella's victory over Jewish Citizens, while expected, wasn't ideal either. The Progressans are now four points ahead of us for the playoff spot; we can't let them get any further away"

Reports that the Archregimancy's fans were engaging in particular fervent bouts of prayer and fasting last night in support of the team were unsubstantiable, but probably true.

Other reports state the the squad were 'confused' by Rejistanian tactics, having believed it impossible for a team playing system Karela to score more than three a match. "Two forwards? Rejistania? That's practically heretical!" said yet another source close to the team. Whether Rejistania were really playing two forwards, or whether it simply felt like it to the overwhelmed monastic defence, is a matter of debate.

Da-duh-da-DAH! Da-duh-da-DAH! Duh-duh-duh-da! (Duh-duh-da!)

Random Commerce Heights Official Refers to Caprine States as "Random Nation!"

Hello, I'm Philip Stones with Linedate, the news magazine that usually focuses on dating shows but has recently been attempting to shift its image.

We are interrupting some prime time television show to bring to you an audio recording recorded by secret spies that we paid lots of money for. Let's have a listen.

"Has Strategy done anything during the World Cup qualifying campaign? We LOST three–slani–nil to slani Sarzonia, took a pathetic 0–1 against some random nation, and were held to a terrible 0–0 draw against some other random nation! What do you have to say for yourself!?"

For those of you unable to understand the ugly, mumbly, and generally sissy-faced voice, he mentioned losing 0-1 to some "random nation." For those of you not following the local (but completely domestic--until now) news about the Confederacy's national side, we are that random nation.

Reaction to this statement has been immediate, with young Caprine midfielder Ricardo Sánchez-Rodriguez saying, quote, "We'll <expletive>ing <expletive> their pathetic <expletive>s! We'll <expletive>ing rip their <expletive>ing balls off! With a <expletive>ing <expletive>-<expletive>, rusty, <expletive>-swabbed set of pliers!"

Caprine captain Johnny Martin sounded a more wise and publicly playable objection. "Obviously we're not nobodies. Sure we've kept quiet leading up to this World Cup, but quite frankly some higher power has instilled it in us to do so, and the whole nation has plunged into introversion at its beckoning. It's really pretty irksome to get labeled a random nation by someone who you just shut out, and seeing as how we're four points behind them for the qualifying lock, I don't think they have any right to make such a statement."

Coach Mustafa Akburun later added, "Really, I don't mind. Gives us that much more incentive to hand them their own unattractive testicles on a platter when we meet on the final match day."

I, as an independent reporter, would like to add, "ZING! Take that, Commerce Heights!"

And that's all for this news report. We will now let you continue with your original broadcast. Go Goats!

Doo-dee-dee-doo-doo, doo-doo!

and now, inspired by those crazy Liamists, some headlines from the past few weeks:

Lion Tamers!
Nedalia taken out as the Pschychoes move into second place

T is for Tonissia and Terrible
Pschychoes unable to pull away and finish with a draw

This (trian)Land is Ours!
Pschychoes stay second with convincing win

But just barely, a disappointing 1-1 draw with Tonissia leave the Pschychoes only one point ahead of Nedalia, whom they defeated 2-0 to take sole control of second place. The Pschychoes will have to peform strongly against Palixia and upstart noob team Groba, who are their next two opponents. After that its a rematch with group leaders EL CID THE HERO, who defeated the Pschychoes earlier in qualifying. This crucial match will determine whether or not Squornshelous will have a chance at finishing first in the group. The match was a superb show of force for the Pschychoes. Goalkeeper Jorge Fernandina played excellently, only conceding on a free kick from just outside the box, the ball arcing to the far post faster than he could react. The attack, which has been rather sluggish, averaging less than two goals per match, played very well, tearing apart the unprepared Trianland defense.

Final Score:
Squornshelous 4-1 Trianland

Group 9 Standings after Matchday 9:

Group 9 Pl W D L F A Pts GD
EL CID THE HERO 9 8 1 0 21 4 25 +17
Squornshelous 9 6 2 1 15 5 20 +10
Nedalia 9 6 1 2 16 10 19 +6
Oliverry 9 4 0 5 10 14 12 -4
Groba 9 3 1 5 12 17 10 -5
Tonissia 9 2 2 5 5 14 8 -9
Palixia 9 2 0 7 10 14 6 -4
Trianland 9 1 1 7 5 16 4 -11



Squornshelous' Qualifying Schedule:
wins draws losses
Matchday 1: Squornshelous 2-0 Tonissia
Matchday 2: Trianland 0-1 Squornshelous
Matchday 3: Squornshelous 2-0 Palixia
Matchday 4: Groba 0-0 Squornshelous
Matchday 5: Squornshelous 0-2 EL CID THE HERO
Matchday 6: Squornshelous 3-1 Oliverry
Matchday 7: Squornshelous 2-0 Nedalia
Matchday 8: Tonissia 1-1 Squornshelous
Matchday 9: Squornshelous 4-1 Trianland
Matchday 10: Palixia v Squornshelous
Matchday 11: Squornshelous v Groba
Matchday 12: EL CID THE HERO v Squornshelous
Matchday 13: Oliverry v Squornshelous
Matchday 14: Nedalia v Squornshelous

Lions Win Big!

San-Lorenzo came through with their biggest win yet, which brings them up out of the bottom of Group 11. They are now ahead of Viszonia and PoplarFreedom, both of which have 7 points to the Lions' 8. They are also only two points behind Kurumada in fifth place. Our team still has a chance to finish respectably in this cup, and maybe even to keep our ranking inside the top 100. We will need to keep the scores against big name teams like Bedistan, Audioslavia and Bettis. Trailing third place Bettia by 8 points, the Lions seem to have little chance of qualifying, and will have to be content to play spoiler in their five remaiing matches. Hopefully we can knock off some of the sides above us and climb up to fifth or even fourth place in the group.

In an amazing feat, 4 of the Lions' 5 goals against Kericia were scored by striker Abawi Wahid, with the other coming late in the game from Antionio Ferraro. The defense played superbly, and Jeff Kader was barely tested, facing only four shots on target. If these same Lions show up at our next match: at home against Bettia, we could really see something interesting happen.

Conures narrowly miss out on scalp

If there is one thing to say about Hurfordia, they are consistent. Two more 1-1 draws have lifted them into third place in group 6.

The first came against a very strong Oaker side, who Hurfordia seem to have some sort of jinx over. After a 2-2 draw in the away fixture, the Conures quickly found that they had the measure of their more illustrious opponents, taking the lead with a 39th minute goal. Johnston's pass found Lebrun in space. His run down the wing exposed the Oaker defence, and his quick angled ball was met at pace by Stimpson. His glanced header eveade the keepr and crept in at the far post.

Hurfordia once again came within an ace of beating Oaker, keeping out their powerful attack until the last 20 minutes. However, the dangerous offside-trap tactics that the Conures have played in the last few games was again exposed, and Oaker took full advantage, their striker timing his run perfectly to get behind the defence and beat Sedley from close range. A 1-1 draw is a great result against such a big side, but they will have to think they could have achieved more.

Consistent Conures fly to third

Follwoing their near miss against Oaker, Hurfordia travelled to Praying2God, who had previously beaten them at home. This time, Hurfordia showed the spirit they lacked before, scoring a late goal. After going behind to a scrappy first half goal, the Conures upped the pressure in the second. There were several good chances, notably Holsworthy hitting the post with a diving header in the 60th minute, but the Conures left their comeback to the last minute. As injury time rolled round, Hurfordia threw everyone forward for a corner, and it was veteran defender Terry Woods who became the hero. As Lebrun'`s ouswingin corner came in, Big Tez slipped his marker, and rose majestically to power a header into the net. Within seconds, the referees whistle went, signalling a great result for the Conures.

Nolan scores again, Vikings unbeated streak to nine

Right at the end of time in the match, Nolan did again what he has been doing the whole qualification. Score goals. Nolan scored his 14th goal of the qualifiers and the lone goal of the match as Fmjphoenix managed to keep the streak alive and defeat Naleoospalakintula 1-0. The shutout was Powell Lamar's third of the qualification and

Fmjphoenix: 1 - Naleoospalakintula: 0
Nolan 90+ - None

Fmjphoenix Goal Scorers:
Nolan 14
Daniels 4
Brown 2
McAllister 1
Grimm 1

Fmjphoenix's World Cup 24 Qualification:
MD01: Fmjphoenix vs Geisenfried Draw 2-2
MD02: Fmjphoenix @ Naleoospalakintula Win 5-0
MD03: Fmjphoenix vs Prince Aidan Win 4-0
MD04: Fmjphoenix @ Tallionis Win 2-1
MD05: Fmjphoenix @ Starblaydia Draw 1-1
MD06: Fmjphoenix vs Harlesburg Win 2-1
MD07: Fmjphoenix @ Finrods Win 2-1
---------------------------------------
MD08: Fmjphoenix @ Geisenfried Win 3-2
MD09: Fmjphoenix vs Naleoospalakintula Win 1-0
MD10: Fmjphoenix @ Prince Aidan
MD11: Fmjphoenix vs Tallionis
MD12: Fmjphoenix vs Starblaydia
MD13: Fmjphoenix @ Harlesburg
MD14: Fmjphoenix vs Finrods
Record: 7-2-0

I know this is crap, its just here to post a reminder to myself. I expect that the matches will be scored while I am at work and I just wanted to put SOMETHING here. I am walking out the door right now though....

Jeruselem Government News

New lows for Hypocria and Haperd!

World Cup XXIV, match day 9. Group 7 results. First the boring stuff.

Crystilakere scored a narrow 1-0 win over Klakistany to stay ahead of Jeruselem. Klakistany had a really good game but just could not score against the Crystils who have conceded 3 goals in 7 games - impressive indeed. A great game but Klakistany were beaten by a better team.

Jeruselem smacked 0-0 Is Evil about and around the place in an impressive 4-0 win. Thing just worked and the poor old 0-0 folks got their 0 goals but looked all lost at sea with the Jeruselem veterans handing out another lesson in soccer. The World Cup is cruel indeed, but Jeruselem are not a bunch of n00bs. Offensively Jeruselem have matched the Crystils with 18 goals vs 19, but concede at a rate of 1 goal per game.

Southern Manchester leapt off the bottom of Group 7 into 4th, with surprise 3-1 win over poor old Haperd. Haperd are not having a great World Cup and the Manchester team had their best game ever today. Misery for Haperd but hope for the Southern Manchester team.

Ruventsoria holds on to 3rd with a tight win over Hypocria who really needed a win, but just failed. Ruventsoria held 3rd for a while the top 2 are already at least two wins ahead of the mob. Ruventsoria look the team to get 3rd, but the other 5 teams can make the move if they win consecutive games - as shown by the top 2 who are looking really for finals football.

Looking ag Group 7. The Crystils and Crusaders have won 13 games between themselves and 3 losses - qualifying material. The other teams have managed either 3 or 2 wins with Ruventsoria having 4 draws and positive goal difference. Southern Manchester have impressed despite 4 losses.

Hypocria 2 - 3 Ruventsoria
Crystilakere 1 - 0 Klakistany
Jeruselem 4 - 0 0-0 Is Evil
Haperd 1 - 3 Southern Manchester


Group 7 Pl W D L F A Pts GD
Crystilakere 9 7 1 1 19 3 22 +16
Jeruselem 9 6 1 2 18 7 19 +11
Ruventsoria 9 3 4 2 13 12 13 +1
Southern Manchester 9 3 2 4 9 14 11 -5
Haperd 9 2 3 4 12 15 9 -3
0-0 Is Evil 9 2 3 4 8 15 9 -7
Klakistany 9 2 2 5 9 15 8 -6
Hypocria 9 2 2 4 7 14 8 -7

WARRIORS NOW HOLDING SHORT STRAW IN TOUGHEST QUALIFYING GROUP
Warriors unable to capitalize on chances, draw 1-1 in most recent match

The Praying2God Warriors struggles in their return to WC play after missing a cup due to the time freeze continued yesterday as they drew their most recent home match against Hurfordia 1-1. With five matches left in qualifying, there are five teams in Group 6 within a point of each other, proving that Group 6 is the toughest in WC XXIV qualifying. It will still a miracle for the Warriors to qualify, but it seems more realistic than it did just a few matches ago. The Warriors are going to have to shore up a leaky defense and get more consistant production from their offense if they have any prayer of qualifying. The Warriors have come extremely close to qualifying before-during WC XXI the came within two points of qualifying for the WC, but thanks to a pair of draws with cursed Gilgrado, the Warriors were unable to earn enough points to qualify. How close will the Warriors come this time before breaking our hearts? We wait along with the rest of you to find out.

-----------------------------
attn: This is an RP continued from the Pre-Cup, and also includes some references to past RPs & Characters, as well as the possible to chain off into new RP's for just about any nation out there, so please, if you wish enjoy the read and feel free to continue or contribute. Thanks!

-----------------------------

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WC24Q: MD2 (Vilita 2 - 0 Liampolis Liamton)
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Vilita Goalscorers::
45' Riccardo Appolloni
75' Andrea Lamberti
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WC24Q: MD3 (Vilita 2 - 0 The Jam Doughnut)
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Vilita Goalscorers::
1' Ippolit Adjei
83' Tika Massa
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-------------------It was a wonderful time for Baron O'Toole. O'Toole, of Crosaibi Vilita, had been handed a chance to fulfill a dream that he has maintained since he last stepped off the field as a player on the Vilitan national team. Thanks to the departure of the man who gave him his chances as a player, Helmut Vilkaous, Baron O'Toole was set to be the first of four managers given an official trial at the helm of one of the top sporting teams in all the world. O'Toole is no stranger to the International Stage, earning plaudits as head coach of the Vilita Jungle Kitties Under 21 side that he led to the Under 21 World Cup 7 title.

-------------------O'Toole knew, however, that he would have to be particularly impressive during his two match trial if he was going to be awarded the position on a permanent basis. As full time came during the first of his two matches, the supporters cheered, but O'Toole himself could not smile. A two-goal victory over a debutant nation was surely not the performance that Rory Issah and the Vilitan Football Association was looking for. O'Toole quickly hit the tapes and tried to get anything he could out of his next opponents, The Jam Doughnut. Unfortunately for O'Toole, he could not find a single media source that had covered any of the Jam Doughuts previous matches, so the experienced manager was left walking into a black hole as his trial was coming to a close. It looked as if he had made all the right moves when Ippolit Adjei nestled home in the very first minute, but then things began to look bleak for O'Toole's Jungle Cats.

-------------------Vilita were hardly able to produce anything worth the highlight reels as the game pressed on, and a less-than impressed O'Toole switched to an interesting 3-4-3 formation at the half, questionably taking out flying winger Inaki Soler, but inserting youthful striker Tika Massa. Massa was making all the runs, but without Soler's ingenuity down the wings, Vilita were unable to produce any quality service. Finally, O'Toole realized his error and introduced his former youth subject, Marine Coast United's Jonjo Hulyer. Hulyer, in much the same mold as Soler, was finally able to deliver the service that Massa needed, and the two linked up to double the Jungle Cats advantage. Unfortunately for O'Toole, too much time had been lost, and the crucial goals he needed to bolster his chances of winning the race to become the next manager of Vilita never came.


WC24Q: MD4 (Vilita 2 - 0 Righteous Beliefs)
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Vilita Goalscorers::
28' Tulio Arizmendi
86' Rueben Laberge
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WC24Q: MD5 (Vilita 4 - 0 Svecia)
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Vilita Goalscorers::
1' Ippolit Adjei
29' Contall Rumaoa
43' Callum Banda
70' Ippolit Adjei
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(Back at the FA Headquarters, on a moderately pleasant but noticably potentially getting worse kind of day.)



"Well Rory, I think its safe to say that Mr. Kecker has to be the clear favorite for the job, at least over Baron O'Toole. I mean, don't get me wrong, Baron is a perfectly competent manager and he got us six points, but how can you overlook that incredible performance against..." There was a knock at the door Elekim approached the door, and let the visitor in.

"Ahhh Santo" Issah exclaimed, "What a great job you've done for us the past couple of games. Elekim, go down and get us all some lunch, will you? Do you like mustard, Santo?"

"No, Rory, I think mustard sucks." Mr. Issah was busy clearing a table in the center of the room. "Ah, good us too. Get going Elekim, we've got some business to talk over here." Rory invited Santo to sit at the now vacant table. Santo Kecker was already in favor with the Vilitan Football Association, and the whole of Vilita, after returning the country to championship form in winning the AOCAF IX title in Cockbill Street. Following the departure of Helmut Vilkaous from his long standing post as Vilita Jungle Cats head coach, Rory Issah and Elekim Cairns set out to find a permanent replacement for the Vilitan Hall of Famer. They could not decide on just one name, however, and therefore a trial, of sorts, was set up, where respected Vilitan coaches Kecker, and former Under 21 Head Coach Baron O'Toole were invited along with Starblaydian hero Simeone Di Bradini and the King of Spruitland to prove which would be best suited to take the Vilitan National team back into it's former glory.

"As I'm sure you are well aware, Santo, we are extremely pleased with your performance over the past two matches that you've been in control of the team." Kecker masked a grin but maintained his stature as he listened to Issah continue, "Now you were always going to be one of the favorites for the job if you wanted it, however, we've set out a trial process and we intend to follow through with it. King Alfons I is getting settled in right now and meeting up with the squad in the morning. He'll be taking control of the games against Oglethorpia and Hockey Canada. Then we'll have Simeone in from Kiiarana, I know you two are well acquainted."

"Yes, I've had my fair share of meetings with Mr. Di Bradini." Kecker Chuckled, "I don't really know much about this Alfons, however, so it will be interesting to see how he does. I think the guys are prepared enough for the matches, just so long as they pick the right guys in the side we should do just fine."

"Well, this is what we're planning on doing" Issah handed Kecker a piece of paper. "We're going to do an analysis of the performance over the two matches, where the points earned and the goal differential will be compared to the rank of the opposition. If you look at the bottom, you will see the performance of yourself and Baron. As you see, Baron earned a Relative point total of about 1.66, and a goal differential Point Total of around 1.10 for a total score of 2.76. Your results over Righteous Beliefs and Svecia earned a point total of around 2.20, while your more impressive goal differential earned an additional 2.36 points through this system, giving you a total of 4.56 trial points. Now we're going to be making this decision by the book, which means right now you are the top choice. However, should Alfons or Di Bradini record more trial points, we'll be extending our invitation to them. After Di Bradini finishes his trial, I'll be taking control of the team against The Jam Doughnut. Then, the final four matches will be for whoever is selected as manager to get the team sorted for the finals."

"Sounds good" Kecker replied as the two stood up. "Now where's that Cairns at, I'm starving!"




http://www.dirt-racing.com/3wide/sites/vilita/vn/teamsheet.gif
Vilita Jungle Cats (3-5-2) :: Vs. Righteous Beliefs
[GK] Jimmy Kater, [D] Ricky Ezis, [D] Andrea Lamberti, [D] Tulio Arizmendi, [DMC] Michele Mariano, [ML] Maurizio Sala, [MC] Contall Rumaoa, [MC] Inaki Soler, [MR] Esorijan Marelja, [FC] Riccardo Appolloni, [FC] Callum Banda,
BENCH::
[FC] Tika Massa, [FC] Kris Wrice, [M] Jonjo Hulyer, [M] Rueben Laberge, [U] Manolis Makunike, [D] Petros Alfieri, [GK] Delain Falcón,

Vilita Substitutions::
(45) - Riccardo Appolloni >>> Kris Wrice
(59) - Michele Mariano >>> Jonjo Hulyer
(75) - Esorijan Marelja >>> Rueben Laberge



Vilita Jungle Cats (3-5-2) :: Vs. Svecia
[GK] Jimmy Kater, [D] Tulio Arizmendi, [D] Petros Alfieri, [D] Andrea Lamberti, [DMC] Mauro Capuano, [ML] Contall Rumaoa, [MC] Inaki Soler, [MC] Manolis Makunike, [MR] Antonis Siazzu, [FC] Callum Banda, [FC] Ippolit Adjei,
BENCH::
[FC] Tika Massa, [FC] Carmine Mbidzo, [M] Esorijan Marelja, [M] Jonjo Hulyer, [U] Rueben Laberge, [D] Ricky Ezis, [GK] Delain Falcón,

Vilita Substitutions::
(22) - Inaki Soler >>> Esorijan Marelja
(37) - Mauro Capuano >>> Jonjo Hulyer


-----------------------------


Vilkaous Sacked! (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=9359078&postcount=11)
Vilkaous warns in Vilita threat (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=9381399&postcount=18)
The FA Take Applications (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=9479307&postcount=150)
Issah takes MD1, Applicants Confirmed (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=9505744&postcount=282)




-----------------------------

The Aeropag Tribune—Member CDA and proud of it!

International: CDA prepares for military strike on Caprine States
AEROPAG, WTI—The Capitalizt Defense Alliance (CDA), the largest military organization in the nation, is preparing to come to the aid of 金正日 (Gim Jeong-il) and Jack Dalton, two high-ranking officials within the Commerce Heights Footballing and Soccer Federation (CHFF). Though the CDA was not entirely clear in its ultimatum, we believe that the action at issue was a surveillance operation by the obscure Caprine States magazine Linedate, which recently published a report on a private conversation between 金 and Dalton, in which 金 called Caprine States a “random nation.” John Sheppard, the CEO of CDA and Supreme Commander of its military forces, declared today in a press release that “This nation will not stand idly by while foreign meddlers violate our privacy! If the victims, 金正日 and Jack Dalton, do not receive full compensation for this criminal activity, the CDA will have no choice but to take that compensation by force!” After the speech, one reporter, who we believe has since lost his job, shouted at Sheppard, “Yo, man, take it easy! Go out ’n’ smoke some weed!”

Sarzonia warn Commerce Heights

WOODSTOCK (ASP) -- Reacting to a military threat on the part of Commerce Heights, a country known for its intense football rivalry with Sarzonia, the Incorporated Sarzonian Government today warned the Capitalizt Defense Alliance (CDA) that military action would result in "strong reprisal.

"Threatening another country due to the actions of its media is not something we take lightly or tolerate," Deputy Senior Vice President and External Affairs Officer Grant Haffner said. "If Commerce Heights plans a state of war, we will respond appropriately."

Sarzonia is currently embroiled in a fierce war against current world megapower Pantera over the Sarzonian colony of Branwyn. The combined colonial and Sarzonian militaries are fighting against the Panteran warrior set known as the Reavers in a battle many military analysts are calling the Battle of Dalrey. Defence Department spokesmen declined to comment for the purposes of this article if they are mobilising for a war against Commerce Heights, but one staffer who spoke on condition of anonymity denied the allegation.

"We've got a huge war on one front as it is and we're going to be opening an offensive front in that war. There's no way in Hell we're going to want to declare war."

However, if the Sarzonian military weren't embroiled in that war, another DoD official said Commerce Heights "would have to watch their backs."

As it stands, with limited economic or diplomatic relations, the Sarzonian government said any move to sever relations would only serve as a "symbolic" move, but the government is considering barring the Sarzonian national football team from travelling to Commerce Heights for a World Cup qualifying match.

"No option is completely off the table," President Mike Sarzo said. "We are sending a request to the World Cup Committee to play the match at a neutral site."

Quotes from the message board after Kaze Progressa defeated Spaam 3-1 in the Hormel Stadium (capacity 866,000, or 11.258m tea bags)

KAZE PROGRESSA WON OVER SPAAM 3-1!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! [weloveaquilla]

NEXT STOP THE FINALS!!! OMSG THIS ISN'T HAPPENING!!!!! [kidinacandystore]

Can we curb the enthusiasm here please. Spaam played like an average K-Train League side. At best. Nedalia - not to mention Squornshelous - will absolutely nuke us in the playoffs, and that's assuming we get there. I personally think Wella will beat us at home and go on to take third. [truth_hurtz_230]

OLOG IS A GODMOD! OLOG IS A GODMOD! [spaamup4]

spaamup4, he hasn't done anything yet. He only scored twice in that match. He's nowhere near as good as Luvo and Irafma, and only a few called them godmods. [tao_of_soccer_40]


Spaam 1-3 Kaze Progressa
Mazilix og 30 Tiakosuv 20
Olog 66, 88

I go with you to an internet cafe somewhere in the world where the technology is on higher level than in the Rejis. I type mana.asn.rj and curse because rejistanian fonts are not installed. The download is from a rejistanian server and optimized for rejistanian connections (means: I feel like using a 1200 baud modem). Eventually, the rejistanian community loads and one can see, what we missed while we had no media coverage.

First we check the thread archive for matchday 7. Random parts of that thread (nicknames translated when required to get the meaning):
Tekit_Isi (Netaddict): I am sitting here, watching the match, anyone else thinks the Rejistanians are destined to concede against Wella?

ADVANSIDSHENSA! (New Member): the Wellans are playing worse than the 9M in my school. They couldn't score against FMJphoenix!

KiFromMars (Major Spammer): I knew that you still go to school and not to Exkola side! 'nyways, Redy'he had a good match as do other defenders! I think we will not concede!

AntiAO (Lurkpower from the dark): Rijat cheats! Slani Vilitan anti-age drugs!

KiFromMars (Major Spammer): So? He played in the match against Turori and that is Vilita! Jie, not really, but you see what I refer to.

AntiAO (Lurkpower from the dark): It is an unfair advantage of Vilita and Turori - and godmodding!

FromDivensirsk (Mr. Average): ANOTHER! attack. Even though it was successfull, it was UNREQUIRED? What did the strikers THINK?

INeedALife (Major Spammer): That to win the first place goal difference matters? Just an idea!

FromDivensirsk (Mr. Average): They should make GA the first tiebreaker![/HIJACK]

KiFromMars (Major Spammer): To continue hijacking the thread: it is against WCC regulations and it is more likely that Ravea wins something than that this is changed.

VikiHakim (Mr. Average): Ravea won the Dodgeball cup.

KiFromMars (Major Spammer): *faints* 0:11! This can't happen!

<from here on the thread was hijacked completely until>

Tekit_Isi (Netaddict): That's it, 3:0! We won!
Virtual beer for everyone! Xen'la'aru lasane sejil! Xen'la'xkora, 'la'viki venil!

KiFromMars (Major Spammer): *steals the beer, runs out of the thread*

From here on the thread is only about how the forum users try to get the beer from KiFromMars.

From: Lance Lasala, President, Commerce Heights Footballing Federation
To: …whom it may concern, Sarzonian national team
CC: …whom it may concern, World Cup Committee

Your request is unacceptable. Against our better judgement, our team travelled to Sarzonia to play its qualifying match. We cannot allow the match in Commerce Heights to be moved to a neutral location, unless the previous result in Sarzonia is nullified and that match replayed at the same neutral location. The CHFF is entirely independent of the CDA, and we do not wish its actions to interfere with a soccer game—but if necessary, the game can be moved from CDA National Stadium to another stadium within Commerce Heights.

From: John Sheppard, CEO, Capitalizt Defense Alliance
To: …whom it may concern, Incorporated States of Sarzonia

You seem to misunderstand our intentions. We will do anything within our power to protect the innocent people of Caprine States, but we must insist that 金正日 and Jack Dalton receive compensation for the injustice done to them by Linedate’s spies. We have no quarrel with either Caprine States or Sarzonia, but will defend ourselves if unnecessarily provoked by either nation. If the guilty party is willing to cooperate with us, there will be no need for force to bring them to justice.

From: Matthew Sparks, CEO, Unified Capitalizt States of Commerce Heights
To: …whom it may concern, Incorporated States of Sarzonia

The government of Commerce Heights does not support the actions of the Capitalizt Defense Alliance, but, unless they go beyond taking compensation for the victims from the guilty party, we will not interfere with their operation. Whether you approve of our laws or not, the guilty party has clearly violated the laws of the Unified Capitalizt States within its borders, and they must be held responsible for their actions, just as the CDA would be held responsible if it caused undue harm to the people of Caprine States, or any other innocent people. Just as we would stop the CDA if it tried to hold the entire nation of Caprine States responsible for the actions of Linedate, we will use any available means to defend ourselves if Sarzonia holds the entire nation of Commerce Heights responsible for the actions of the CDA. That said, we wish for peaceful relations to continue between our two governments.

To: World Cup Committee
From: Terrence Mangione
Chairman, Incorporated Football Federation
Subject: Neutral site request

Due to the increasing threat of military action on the part of Commerce Heights and on the current state of war engaged in by the nation of Pantera against the Incorporated States of Sarzonia, I am asking to have the away leg of the Sarzonia:Commerce Heights moved from Commerce Heights proper to a neutral site.

We undertake this request for two reasons: One, we are protesting their threats against the smaller nation of Caprine States and two, we are currently in a state of war against Pantera and we believe that without extensive military presence in Commerce Heights, we would be unable to ensure the safety of our players.

We understand that this may be an inconvenience for the WCC at the present time and we do extend our apologies for that. However, war itself is hardly convenient for anyone involved.

To: Lance Lasala
President, Commerce Heights Footballing Federation
From: Terry Mangione
Chairman, Incorporated Football Federation
Subject: Counter-request

The Incorporated Football Federation considers your request to nullify the result of the previous match between our two countries and play both legs of our derby at the same neutral site patently unacceptable. We wish to remind you that a state of war did not exist between the Incorporated States of Sarzonia and the so-called Free Lands of Pantera at the time of our first leg. To suggest that we strike the match from the record and play both legs at a neutral site smacks of poor sportsmanship on your parts.

I, and we, stand by our request to move the match to a neutral site, but we refuse to accept any arrangement whereby the current result of 3:0 Sarzonia-Commerce Heights is nullified in favour of playing another match to satisfy more unreasonable demands by Commerce Heights.

------

To: Matthew Sparks
CEO, Unified Capitalizt States of Commerce Heights
From: Mike Sarzo
President, Incorporated States of Sarzonia
Subject: Military threats

We find your claim that your government is not responsible for the actions of that rogue band of terrorists you call the Capitalizt Defense Alliance is laughable in its face. We also find your assertion that a media outlet violated your nation's laws on its own sovereign territory equally laughable, as the laws of one nation do not extend to the internationally recognised territory of another country.

Were the latter point the case, we would expect that your government would honour the civil unions we have in Sarzonia with recognition of their status as being the legally binding compact between two peoples that other nations consider marriage to be. Since we can not reasonably expect your nation to do that, you can not expect Caprine States to observe your nation's laws as if they were applicable to their own people.

We also hope for peaceful relations to remain between our two nations, but unless you find a way to prevent your vigilantes from carrying out their unreasonable threats, we would be forced to undertake whatever diplomatic or economic responses we find necessary. The proverbial ball remains in your court.

To: Terrence Mangoine of the Incorporated Football Federation
From: The Milchama Military
Subject: The neutral protection of the Sarzonian National Football Team.

The Milchama Military and related entities would feel honored to guard the Sarzonian National Football team from all harm that could come to them in the nation of Commerce Heights.

This request will make sure that Sarzonia and Commerce Heights can play their matches where they are supposed to in their country and stop the replayal or playing of games in a neutral territory.

Sincerely,
Head General of the Milchama Armed Forces Daveed Bagen

Meet the Chili Bats: Defenders

Julio Hodges has been playing in the Liga Starblaydia since the age of 17 with the Hallad Reavers. Now at age 21, he’s really starting to come into his own and will be expected to use his experience from playing abroad well with the Brazillican national team. Though he’s a natural centre back, Hodges is a versatile player who can also play Left Back and Defensive Midfielder effectively; however, he’ll likely be pencilled in at Left Back for most of Brazillico’s matches, due to their lack of depth at the position. Hodges boasts good technical ability and athletcism, and should be a fixture for many Brazillican squads to come.

Tim “Dr. Hook” McCracken is the elder statesman for this Brazillican back line. At 32, this should be his first and final World Cup. McCracken is best described as a football-savvy, no-nonsense centre back who has a real nose for the ball and the cards. A former player of current Brazillican manager Manuelo Frank’s club team, Frank knows exactly what he’s getting with McCracken. Dr. Hook is tough as nails and lost his left hand when he was wrestling an alligator for a piece of steak in Northern Brazillico. Unfortunately for the alligator, he lost his life. After the incident, McCracken had a stainless steel hook surgically implanted on his hand. He earned the nickname “Dr. Hook” since he’ll probe opposing players with every chance he gets with that hook. Opponents hate him and generally give him a fair bit of respect when he’s on the pitch.

Though he’s half-Oglethorpian, you’d be quick to judge Ogie Oglethorpe as being half-pansy, but nothing could be further from the truth. The 26-year old Oglethorpe is as tough as they come and is another one of those hard-nosed players manager Manuelo Frank loves. At a hulking 6’6”, Oglethorpe plays a very similar game to former Brazillican great, Paul Hilario. He clears the box effectively, tackles without a conscience and has a surprising vertical leap and straightaway speed for a man of his size. He’s also a force on offensive set pieces. Oglethorpe’s weaknesses lie in frequent card trouble, lateral movement and stamina.

!Xobile Banana is a speedy Right Back with world class skills and finesse. Originating from the same crazy ass tribe as former Brazillican striker, Rafiki Torres, Banana learned to hone his football skills kicking the Palopo fruit in the southern jungles of Brazillico. !Xobile is a technically sound defender who moves well laterally and plays a very patient game. He’s also a skilled dribbler who likes to support the attack on the right side. Banana is a bit undersized for the position and is known not to be a favourite of Frank’s because of his lack of physical play. The biggest question mark surrounding !Xobile Banana is how to pronounce his name. When he says it, he makes the sound of a pop rock in your mouth, followed by bee-lay, but no one else quite seems to get it right. Regardless, there are no questions about his skills and he should be one of Brazillico’s top defenders.

Juan Michel is probably Brazillico’s best natural left back, which just goes to say how shallow their depth at that position is. The 24-year old Michel is not a bad player and does very well for himself in the Brazillican league, but has a tendency to get caught out of position with the higher level of competition of international play. He was hyped as one of Brazillico’s best defence prospects in the last few years but his inability to show that defensive polish has really hurt his standing. His best defence for his mental errors is his exceptional pace, as he can usually recover well since he is probably the fastest player on the Brazillican team. He has decent tackling and heading ability but nothing to really blow you away. His strengths lie in marking, as he is very hard to beat one on one, and if Brazillico are looking at a quick winger or forward, expect for Michel to get some action.

It’s said that talent skips a generation and it’s evident with 29 year old Rogelio Hockensmith: the grandson of former Bedistani international defender Tyrone Hockensmith. The senior Hockensmith was transferred over to Olympic Kalita to shore up their defence, and after calling it a career with 12 seasons with the club under his belt, Hockensmith decided to make Brazillico his permanent home. Rogelio Hockensmith can best be described as a scatback, since he feels confident playing at the in the middle or on either wing. Hockensmith is one of those “Jack of all Trades” players, he can do pretty much everything you’d want out of a defender well, but does none of those things spectacularly. Still, Hockensmith is a gritty player who gives a 100% effort every time he steps foot on the pitch and should definitely see some playing time during qualification.

I look at the hijacked thread and decide to leave it and look at matchday 8...

Sy5 (Semi-Lurkpower): WTH was our defense doing here? That was so blatantly wrong! and Visnu... Even Xi could have saved that one! Now Kaze Progressa reduced the lead to 2:1.

KiFromMars (Major Spammer): Xi Sitane from Sike?

Sy5 (Semi-Lurkpower): I thought of Xi Ki from Xkora.

Minority (Mr. Average): Ki is a H1SR-player?

KiFromMars (Major Spammer): Ki is Ki!

Tekit_Isi (Netaddict): Soon H2SR :P

Xexaxuxixoxy (Active Contributor): Be quiet, you!

Tekit_Isi (Netaddict): Look at the league table!

Xexaxuxixoxy (Active Contributor): they'll improve now! Gah, another attack from the Orange-Blues!

Minority (Mr. Average): I have no TV here. Score?

Xexaxuxixoxy (Active Contributor): Same as before, the Progressan defense intercepted. Mazilix'he really should play somewhere, where defense is valued!

Sanity (Totally Unknown): Yeah, a great defender in a land of strikers - that has to slani like relegation!

Relegation (Active Contributor): :P

a while later

KiFromMars (Major Spammer): Good thing the Orange-Blues came back to their defending spirit. They have to defend their lead over the time! DEFEND!

FromDivensirsk (Mr. Average): Indeed, they can not accept to concede even more, they destroy the GA! I mean... 3(!!!) goals is bad! It's a 50% increase in the GA!

Minority (Mr. Average): 2:3????????

KiFromMars (Major Spammer): 2:1, three goals in total!

INeedALife (Major Spammer): 2:1 for us. EDIT: GMTA!

KiFromMars (Major Spammer): And fools seldom differ! EDIT: That's it, We won!

Tekit_Isi (Netaddict): Virtual beer for everyone! Except for Ki!

KiFromMars (Major Spammer): Unfair!!!!

Hockey Canada doing pathetic

After the first nine games for Hockey Canada in qualifying and 13 whole points out of 1st, 12 out of 2nd and 4 out of 3rd- Hockey Canadian fans and officials have been very pissed-off at the way their team is playing. In 4th place when they were projected to be in 2nd or 3rd in Group 12, the Canucks will know there'll be some drastic changes in the next World Cup.

Group 12 Pl W D L F A Pts GD
Vilita 9 7 2 0 19 3 23 +16
Svecia 9 7 1 1 24 12 22 +12
Oglethorpia 9 3 5 1 12 8 14 +4
Hockey Canada 9 2 4 3 13 10 10 +3
Elrich 9 3 1 5 15 18 10 -3
Liamopolis-Liamton 9 3 1 5 6 17 10 -11
Righteous Beliefs 9 1 3 5 10 16 6 -6
The Jam Doughnut 9 1 1 7 6 21 4 -14

Hockey Canada-3
Jam Doughnut- 0

Great game to kick-start Hockey Canada into the World Cup qualifying round. Kulkarni notted a pair of goals 14 minutes into the game leaving Thomas to preserve the win. Perrault snapped his goal-scoring drought in the 77th minute with a crackign shot just outside the 18-yard box. This made both fans and players incredibly happy and promising.

Hockey Canada- 2
Righteous Beliefs- 2

Kyle Thomas didn't look so hot between the pipes this game as he let in an early goal on the short side to put the Canucks down by a goal. Righteous Beliefs notched another goal off a corner that took a bad bounce to double the score. Yanic Perrault scored twice in the second half to preserve the draw for the Hockey Canadians but a scary one nonetheless.

Hockey Canada- 4
Elrich- 1

Yanic Perrault just showed no mercy all game notting 4 goals in the opening half. Scoring in the 1st, 24th, 25th and 39th minute just didn't seem to stop the red-hot Perrault as he hit the crossbar twice before the half ended. Elrich did play a good offensive game however, managing to put the ball behind Thomas once before the final whistle. Fans seemed to enter limbo after this game thinking there is a chance to qualify.

Hockey Canada- 0
Liamopolis-Liamton- 1

The Canucks had some explaining to do after this game to add a huge loss on their backs. Liamopolis-Liamton, 147th in the world pulled the shocker to sleepy Hockey Canada. Damien Marx started this game and porbably cost them the game of a lousy shot that saw the ball soar clear over his hands but cheekily under the bar helping Liamopolis-Liamton to 3 points. The Canuck fans were getting uneasy after this game.

Hockey Canada -0
Oglethorpia- 0

Hockey Canadians were pleased to see a karelan score here but not to see the one point which they desperately needed. Hip Replac and Kyle Thomas both played exceptional during the game shutting out everything each team could throw at them. Both Replac and Thomas got players of the game but the one point each didn't help the Hockey Canadian cause.

Hockey Canada- 2
Svecia- 3

Hockey Canada certainly got an unwelcome wake-up call with their loss to Svecia. The Canucks may have surged up the KPB ranks these past few years but the loss was telling them that there were still teams that could kick their ass. Yanic Perrault and Rahul Kulkarni both put up a goal each in the effort but the Svecia attack was too much for keeper Kyle Thomas to handle. Canucks fans were getting murderous.

Hockey Canada- 0
Vilita- 0

A great day for Hockey Canadian soccer as the Canucks pulled off a big upset draw against powerhouse Vilita. Though both scorers were silent at both ends of the pitch, karelans were celebrating all over Hockey Canada rejoicing they could steal a point from that game. The Canuck fans were getting drunk n wasted as they finally got the beer-flavoured water into Oliverry and water-flavoured beer into Druida via glacier (much speedier).

Hockey Canada- 2
The Jam Doughnut- 3

Well... upsets happen. One good with Vilita and one bad with pastries as the loss damaged qualifying hopes for the Canucks. Mike Ko and Perrault scored once each but to be honest it was a game that Hockey Canada would like to forget.

Hockey Canada- 0
Righteous Beleifs- 0

Wooden spoons are used alot in Hockey Canada, maybe because that steel freezes to tongues and lips or maybe because wood is plentiful. One thing that made this spoon special is that it was actually something that could instill Hockey Canadians with pride. Will they qualify? It's all Hockey Canada wants to do.

http://www.dirt-racing.com/3wide/sites/vilita/vn/tn/tieot.gif



Colony Cup II




-------------------The Turori Eels maintained their position atop the Colony Cup II tables as the competition reached the halfway point, keeping a perfect record both in the wins column, and defensively, with zero goals conceded in the first four matches. However, it appears all the more likely that the second leg against Nova Britannicus will be critical in deciding who will inevitably be crowned the second ever Colony Cup champions. The Britannicans have broken away from the pack, recording victories over all opponents bar Turori, and sit just 3 points off the top of the table. System Karela finally lived up to their name, securing a 0-0 draw with Dauna Hills that realistically ended Dauna Hills hopes of a title, leaving the top 2 to their business in the second half of competition. Pedriana have been a major dissapointment, dead last half way through competition with just a single point.


Colony Cup II---------- -
1- Turori 4 4 0 0 14-0 12
2- Nova Britannicus 4 3 0 1 5-4 9
3- Dauna Hills 4 1 1 2 2-6 4
4- System Karela 4 0 2 2 2-7 2
5- Pedriana 4 0 1 3 2-8 1


Nova Britannicus 2 - 0 Dauna Hills
Dauna Hills 0 - 3 Turori
System Karela 1 - 2 Nova Britannicus
Turori 4 - 0 System Karela
Pedriana 1 - 2 Dauna Hills
System Karela 1 - 1 Pedriana
Turori 3 - 0 Nova Britannicus
Turori 4 - 0 Pedriana
System Karela 0 - 0 Dauna Hills
Pedriana 0 - 1 Nova Britannicus
------------------------------






-------------------As the second half of competition resumed, Nova Britannicus suffered a crushing blow to their title hopes as they were held to a 2-2 draw with third placed Dauna Hills. The draw with Dauna Hills leaves the Britannicans two points behind Turori despite having played one more game. This means that Nova Britannicus would not only have to defeat Turori, but hope that either of the bottom two teams, System Karela or Pedriana, are also able to steal points from the competition leaders. The Britanncans best hopes at receiving help from the opposition went by the way side as the Eels comfortably brushed aside third placed Dauna Hills by a 3-0 scoreline. The result officially eliminated Dauna Hills from contention, sitting 10 points behind the leaders with just two matches to play. Nova Britannicus has also secured at least the second position with their victory over System Karela, while Pedriana still sits bottom having yet to begin the second half of competition.


Colony Cup II---------- -
1- Turori 5 5 0 0 17-0 15
2- Nova Britannicus 6 4 1 1 9-6 13
3- Dauna Hills 6 1 2 3 4-11 5
4- System Karela 5 0 2 3 2-9 2
5- Pedriana 4 0 1 3 2-8 1


Nova Britannicus 2 - 0 Dauna Hills
Dauna Hills 0 - 3 Turori
System Karela 1 - 2 Nova Britannicus
Turori 4 - 0 System Karela
Pedriana 1 - 2 Dauna Hills
System Karela 1 - 1 Pedriana
Turori 3 - 0 Nova Britannicus
Turori 4 - 0 Pedriana
System Karela 0 - 0 Dauna Hills
Pedriana 0 - 1 Nova Britannicus
Dauna Hills 2 - 2 Nova Britannicus
Turori 3 - 0 Dauna Hills
Nova Britannicus 2 - 0 System Karela

------------------------------

From: Lance Lasala, President, Commerce Heights Footballing and Soccer Federation
To: Terrence Mangione, Chairman, Incorporated Football Federation
CC: World Cup Committee; the Milchama Military; the Commerce Heights Armed Forces

We do not believe that the current state of war between Sarzonia and Pantera should have any bearing on our match. The Commerce Heights military has agreed to protect the Sarzonian team from attack, and would welcome assistance from Milchama. If Pantera launches an attack on Capitalizt soil, they will find themselves at war with Commerce Heights, and most likely at war with the CDA, the Capitalizt Consortium for Cooperation in Protection (CCCP), and a number of smaller organizations as well. The request to have the match in Sarzonia replayed at a neutral site was not because of a desire to change the score (though that desire does, of course, exist, we will not act on it!), but was purely in the interest of fairness—it is the only fair alternative to playing the match in Commerce Heights. Your team will be much safer in Commerce Heights than it would be in, say, Tingitana, where there is no military, or even a government, to deter invasion.

From: Lance Lasala, President, Commerce Heights Footballing and Soccer Federation
To: World Cup Committee

Sarzonia’s rationale for moving the match to a neutral site is clearly flawed. Pantera will not attack Sarzonians on Capitalizt soil without provoking a declaration of war by Commerce Heights. Commerce Heights will not attack Sarzonia except in self-defense. To move the match to an alternate location would be against the spirit of the World Cup, forcing us not to settle our differences on the playing field, but on the battlefield.

From: Matthew Sparks, CEO, Unified Capitalizt States of Commerce Heights
To: Mike Sarzo, President, Incorporated States of Sarzonia

The threats by the Capitalizt Defense Alliance against Linedate are not unreasonable—it is certainly more reasonable than most of the threats made by the governments of the world against their own people! The spies have clearly committed an illegal act in the Unified Capitalizt States under the laws governing those States, and the idea that crimes that take place in our country should go unpunished simply because the offender has relocated to another country is an absurd impediment to justice. The CDA is not a terrorist organization—if they use any force beyond what is necessary to compensate their clients, the victims, for these crimes, then they will be punished to the full extent of the law. They will use force only if necessary to achieve their goal—if the offenders offer compensation rather than invite attack, then no action will be taken.

We make no claim that our laws extend beyond our borders. Linedate conducted illegal surveillance inside Commerce Heights, and therefore must compensate the victims, two Capitalizt citizens, under the law of the nation they violated.

Before the match

You have joined #sekhika
Topic is: #Sekhika: THE rejistanian soccer channel on Visko.he.rj | Xhana'he to Sike Veran?
< Siki> I'm away: Rejistania vs the Archregimancy
Siki is now known as Siki|Sekhika
Teh1337One is now known as Teh1337One|HanJunisOmeh
< Mmara> Keep me updated - someone!
< HanVeran> Mmara: Turn on the TV?
< Mmara> I am abroad and the TV doesn't broadcast it.
< HanVeran> www.rejisCAST.kvm.rj/esuvortu/sekhika/niax.html
< Mmara> Port 80 is blocked here :(
< HanVeran> Where in the world are you?
< Mmara> At work :(
< HanVeran> Skipit!
< DakiRaju> You can be sick!
< Mmara> I have no 'net at home... 'nyone able to keep me updated?
< DakiRaju> I'm in the 'net anyways!
Kaskada has joined #sekhika
Kaskada is now known as Kaskada|0ja0
< DakiRaju> 'jida!
* Kaskada|0ja0 waves at the channel - 'jida all!
< DakiRaju> Match started??
< Kaskada|0ja0> Yes!
* DakiRaju turns on the TV
< DakiRaju> Su????????????????????????
< DakiRaju> Sejil AND Raju play?
< Kaskada|0ja0> yes
< DakiRaju> 5-mer'3-ser'2!?!?!?!?
< Kaskada|0ja0> Yes, the Orange-Blues are playing a 5-3-2 against the Archregimancy.
<@Ha~elan> :o
Ha~elan changes topic to: #Sekhika: THE rejistanian soccer channel on Visko.he.rj | The Hexatux is insane! 5-3-2!!!
* DakiRaju agrees! Kurudi ri!
* Mmara fears the worst
<@Ha~elan> Oh dear! Did you see that?
* Mmara saw nothing
<@Ha~elan> The fans in EIKL show a big transparent on which the Symbol is.
< Mmara> Which symbol?
< Kaskada|0ja0> The inikresaist delta
< Mmara> :O
< DakiRaju> I guess some fans are still pissed from the attempts to convert them! Indebted Christians!
< SiXeSy> What IS their religion anyways? I mean: they are no real Christians, are they?
< DakiRaju> They are... but there are more confessions of Christianity than you can count on one hand.
< Mmara> in binary?#
< Mmara> -#
< DakiRaju> Yes.

(a while later)
< Kaskada|0ja0> Xkkkkkoooooooooooooorrrrrrrrrrraaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa!
Kaskada|0ja0 is now known as Kaskada|1ja0
Kaskada|1ja0 was kicked by Ha~elan (Don't curse!)
Kaskada|1ja0 has joined #sekhika
< Kaskada|1ja0> sorry!
< Mmara> Who scored?
< Kaskada|1ja0> we
< Mmara> I mean, which player?
< Kaskada|1ja0> Linux!
< Mmara> He is great!
< DakiRaju> Kansu'he is great!
< Mmara> which of the 2?
< SiXeSy> 3!
< DakiRaju> Jana. Even though this match, he had not many chances to be active!

(a while later)
< Kaskada|1ja0> Holy slani, What are they doing?
< Kaskada|1ja0> They are attacking again!
Kaskada|1ja0 is now known as Kaskada|2ja0
< Kaskada|2ja0> Sejil!
< Mmara> Scoring is hardly bad!
< Kaskada|2ja0> Nana Sejil scored!
< Mmara> oh, I see!

(85th minute)
< Kaskada|5ja0> That is Takilan, that is the end of soccer this is...
< Mmara> heh!
< Kaskada|5ja0> Attack means defeat!
* Kaskada|5ja0 faints!
* Mmara empties a bottle of water over the Kaskada
< Kaskada|5ja0> The Orange-Blues attack like under a spell!
< SiXeSy> they are pissed off about the Archregimany and their attempts to convert us!
< DakiRaju> Indeed! But the fans are chanting inikresaist chants at the Archregimancy!
<@Ha~elan> Can you imagine rejistanians converting? I mean, the temple forbid many things and basically the only thing, which is allowed and encouraged is cursing! AND NOW THEY WANT TO TAKE THAT?!?!?!
< SiXeSy> Are there any informations on the 'net about them?
<@Ha~elan> Look on Wikipedia.ns, but it normally has loads of images.
* SiXeSy is on 1.2 kb/s*
<@Ha~elan> Si? want a game of Senris?
<@Ha~elan> "SiXeSy has been trashed by Ha~elan"
< SiXeSy> okay
< SiXeSy> I start a server! :P
<@Ha~elan> WTH?
* SiXeSy started loading the wikipedia.ns page, bbl!
< DakiRaju> hb!
< Mmara> What is happening in the match?
< Kaskada|5ja0> the Orange-Blues are finally playing more defensive - it was horrible! I always feared the monks would counter-attack!
(later)
< Kaskada|5ja0> THAT's IT! The Orange-Blues won 5:0!
Kaskada|5ja0 is now known as Kaskada
< SiXeSy> and the wikipedia page loaded!

*that is even very low for Rejistania

TEMPORARY POST

RP Cut-Off

OOC- Eventually this will come back around to footie, one way or another.

IC- Beansmackle hated Dirk. There was nothing she liked about the city. It was dirty, and uncultured, and its inhabitants spoke with a strange and unpleasant accent. But it was in Dirk that the Bipedaleen Ministry of Fences maintained a secret building, on an undisclosed street, in order to do things that were not supposed to be done.

The facility-- which was nameless-- was run by Marshall Baboo of the Bipedaleen Unusual Fence Force. Beansmackle tensed at the thought of her. She looked like the simian lovechild of Boris Karloff and Udo Kier. Her soft tone of voice belied a whip-snap violence; she could probably devise a deadly weapon from a rubberband, two paperclips, and a fingernail clipping, in under ten seconds, while handcuffed. For fun.

“Mmmmmmmministerrr?” The Marshall seemed to have emerged from the shadows.

“Ah. Marshall. Nice to see you again.”

“Hmm.”

“Right. I’m here on the Prime Matriarch’s business.”

“What business?”

“It seems that, ah, Audioslavia has, erm...”

“What has Audioslavia done?” oozed Marshall Baboo. Talking to the Marshall made Beansmackle distinctly uncomfortable.

“Audioslavia has attained freedom.”

“Hmm.”

“Doesn’t that surprise you?”

“Audioslavia, Minister, is a pissant huuuuuuman globule. It can no more attain freedom than can a cow.”

“Speaking of cows--”

“Yeeeessss?”

“Never mind. Believe it or don’t, Marshall. The Prime Matriarch has received first-hand testimony from the Minister for Matriarchal Affairs. It seems impossible that the information is incorrect. We must act in response to Ms. Globina’s observations.”

“Hmm. As you wishshshsh, Minister.”

“Right. Okay. We need to, ah...”

“What do we need to do?”

“We need to open the Third Chamber.”

For the first time in many, many years, Beansmackle saw Baboo’s left eyebrow raise an involuntary centimeter. “The Thiiiird Chamber.”

Beansmackle nodded nervously.

Baboo smiled. “Excelllllllent.”

***

In the secret building on the undisclosed street in the unpleasant city of Dirk, there was a dimly-lit passage that could only be entered through a false panel on a particular wall. The passage was not wide enough for the Minister and the Marshall to walk side by side, so Beansmackle followed Baboo at a distance that removed any possibility of treading on her heels.

“The Third Chamber,” said Baboo expositionally. “It has been generations since the Third Chamber has been opened.”

“Uh-huh,” Beansmackle agreed.

“Generations. It was sealed in...” The Marshall mused as she walked. “I cannot even say the yearrrrrr. That which is inside the Third Chamber is unspeakable.” She stopped, and turned to face the Minister. Her visage was grave. “Unspeakable.”

“Uh-huh,” Beansmackle agreed. Baboo turned and continued down the passageway.

“Do you know what they calllll it, Minister?”

“No idea.”

“They call it nothing, for it is unspeakable!”

“Uh-huh.”

“Cthulhu itself could hardly have conceived of so foul an abomination.”

“Hmm.”

“Nyarlathotep and Yog-Sothoth would cower at its presence.”

“That seems a bit extreme.”

The Marshall stopped and turned to face her again. “You doubt me? You dennnnny my words, Minister?”

“No, no, not at all. I’m sure Cthulhu cowers at its presence.”

Marshall Baboo looked mildly exasperated. “Not Cthulhu. Nothing cows Cthuuuuuuuulhu. Were you listening to me? I said Cthulhu could hardly have conceived of so foul an abomination.”

“Ah, right, right.”

“Nyarlathotep and Yog-Sothoth would cower in its presence.”

“My thoughts exactly.”

The Marshall looked dubious at this assertion, but turned and continued, again, down the passageway.

“How many times have the first two chambers been opened?” Beansmackle asked.

“The Firrrrrst Chamber has been opened periodically. At the Prime Matriarch’s desire.”

“So how often is that?”

“Since I have been Marshall...” Baboo seemed to be counting to herself. “Perhaps a dozen times.”

“Wow.”

“That shocks and horrifies you?”

“I don’t know. Sure.”

“Of course it does. your mind is not prepared for such things.”

“Right. How often has the Second Chamber been opened?”

“Not as often.”

“Okay. But it’s been opened, since you’ve been Marshall?”

“Yes.”

“How long have you been Marshall, by the way?”

“I have been Marrrrrrshalllllll... for many years.”

“Aha.”

They walked in silence for some time. The passageway connecting the main facility with the Chambers was long. Long and narrow. Beansmackle was glad she didn’t suffer claustrophobia.

“What about the Fourth Chamber?” she asked, just to have something to say.

“The Fourrrrrththth Chamber?”

“Uh-huh.”

“The Fourth Chamber cannot be opened.”

“You mean that metaphorically, or literally?”

“Literally.”

“What, did the key get lost or something?”

“There is no key. The Fourth Chamber is sealed in such a way that it cannot be opened without destroying its contents.”

“Okay. That seems kind of a strange way to do things, but--”

“You would not sayyyyy that, Minister, if you knew what was inside the Fourth Chamber.”

“Hmm. Well, why not just destroy it, whatever it is, and have done with it, then?”

They passed a door. It was an unremarkable door, just the usual sort of door one would pass in a secret passageway. It had two deadbolts, and a red number 1 painted on it. A short time later, they passed another door, somewhat less unremarkable than the first, more the sort of door one would expect to find securing a fire escape, with sixteen deadbolts and a serious-looking security system and a red number 2 painted on it. The Marshall had yet to respond to Beansmackle’s question.

Some more time went by and it became quite clear that the Marshall had no intention of ever answering her question, which the Minister found somewhat aggravating. She technically outranked Baboo, even if that musicomilitarical luminary did scare the poop out of her. Beansmackle could probably come up with some way to exert Ministerial power to force Baboo to give her an answer, but it really wasn’t worth the trouble.

“We have arrrrrived,” said Baboo. Indeed, they stood before a door that one would likely never expect to find in a dimly-lit secret passageway. This is because it was a freezer door. Set into it was a keypad. “Are you cerrrtain, Minister?”

“Certain?”

“That you wish to open the Third Chamber.”

“Oh. Well, not really, but it’s the Prime Matriarch’s order.”

“Very well.”

“Uh-huh.”

Marshall Baboo tapped a code onto the keypad. From somewhere behind thick, thick walls, a hissing could be heard. This was shortly replaced by silence, following which a vast amount of condensation collected on the freezer door. The drops became rivulets, became channels. The floor grew puddly.

“What’s going on?” Beansmackle asked.

“The Chamber is thawing.”

“Aha. Does that take long?”

“It is a rapid process. In fact... it is done.”

“Oh. Just like that?”

“The temperature in the Third Chamber has been precisely thirty degrees below zero, centigrade, for time immemorial. It is now...” She took a look at a small display beside the keypad. “Twenty-six degrees.”

“Ah. Nice and comfy.”

“Would you care to open the Chamber, Minister?”

“Ummmm... nope. You go ahead, Marshall.”

“Very well. What you are about to see may terrrrrrify you,” said Baboo with undisguised relish.

“I’m looking forward to it.”

“Then you are a fool.”

Marshall Baboo opened the freezer door.

The Third Chamber was not terribly large. Perhaps eight cubic meters, and lit by a dim blue glow. It was steamy, and for a moment Beansmackle could make nothing out. Then an air current cleared the steam away, and the figure within became starkly apparent.

It was at this moment that Minister Beansmackle realized that Baboo didn’t really scare the poop out of her. Because the figure she saw in the Third Chamber did just that. And as she pooped, Beansmackle thought, It can’t be. It can’t be.

“For Bejeezus’ sake,” she whispered. “Marshall, it’s...”

“Allow me to innnntroduce Draconana, Minister.” The figure took a step forward and the Marshall added, “Last of the Monopedal Monkeys.”

Draconana was hideous almost beyond description. For, while she was, in some sense, a Monopedal Monkey, she had been modified. Most notably, she had no legs.

Or rather, she had two, where there should have been one. The central leg, positioned directly beneath the torso, that every Bipedaleen student is familiar with from Ancient Natural History, had been removed... amputated? Lost in some manner?-- and had been replaced, by a pair of cybernetic appendages. In addition, it appeared that the Monkey’s lemur-like tail had been implanted with various apparata.

Draconana opened her mouth to speak. At first, no sound came out. Then came some coughing, choking half-syllables. Then, finally, in a voice reminiscent of caves and violence and devolved behavior, came words. “Why... have... you... awakened me?”

“We shall explain soonnnn enough,” Baboo replied. “First, you must feed and recover your strength.”

“Feed...” the monkey repeated.

“Minister, you had best return to the buillllllding. I shall meet you there, and you can explain the Prime Matriarch’s desire for Draconana.”

“I think I should--”

“You do not want to see Draconana feeding.”

“Aha. Well, all right, then. I’ll meet you back at the building.”

“We won’t be lonnnnng.”

Before she turned to go, Beansmackle caught what could only be described as a harrowing gleam in Draconana’s eye. She made the long return walk to the building in record time.

Audioslavia lose to n00bs again

Poor Audioslavia can't seem to get any breaks, as they once again managed to lose to a team competing in its first ever World Cup qualifying round. Last time it was Kurumada, this time Viszonia claimed the 'slaves' scalps, once again providing the impetus for much laughter all over Bedistan.

In somewhat closer to home news, Bedistan notched their eighth victory of the campaign, a slightly narrow 1-0 over PopularFreedom. The lone goal occurred late in the game, scored by Billy English, who was brought on in the 73rd minute for a tiring Alejandro Vantrease. Still, a win is a win, and the Lions' hold on the group remains solid.

Group 11 Pl W D L F A Pts GD
Bedistan 10 8 2 0 19 2 26 +17
Audioslavia 10 6 2 2 17 6 20 +11
Bettia 10 5 1 4 17 12 16 +5
Kericia 10 3 3 4 13 19 12 -6
San-Lorenzo 10 3 2 5 13 16 11 -3
Kurumada 10 3 2 5 7 13 11 -6
Viszonia 10 3 1 6 9 19 10 -10
PopularFreedom 10 2 1 7 6 14 7 -8

One more win for the Lions will ensure qualification, and the team is already assured of a top three finish. Despite their enormous faux pas against Viszonia, Audioslavia remains in second place four points ahead of Bettia, who also dropped their game against San-Lorenzo. PopularFreedom now no longer has any mathematical possibility of reaching the top two, though third place is still technically possible.

CasariONENews

3-3 Tie to Kipto-Mare not helping chances
One Red Dot's win makes second unlikely

Casari's chances of qualification are diminishing by each passing day, but they're still existant.

A 3-3 Tie to Kipto-Mare leaves Casari 2 behind today's opponents, but safely 5 points ahead of Nanakaland, who lost to One Red Dot. One Red Dot's win puts it 2 points ahead of Kipto-Mare, and 4 ahead of Casari.

"We have a number of games coming up that we could win, while hopefully Kipto-Mare and One Red Dot have some slightly tougher contests that can help us catch up." Manager Hill said.

"And in the name of all that's holy, not get any more ties. They're really killing us."

Coach Viltacore was furious. Another game where a referee missed an obvious call. These World Cup games he found quite disturbing over the discrepencies with the calls on the field. Sitting in his room he went over his charts for the upcoming games. Watching the tapes of the Bedistan game today he again gave his usual middle finger salute to the referee at each missed call.

'What's the point", he thought to himself as he watched call after horrible call. Yanking the tape out of the VCR, what an old piece of crap machine he thought to himself, he stuffed it in an envelope which had the address of the Prime Minister of the nation and sent it along with a detailed documentation of the miscues by the referees.

http://i5.photobucket.com/albums/y197/Spruitland/sportsgazette.jpg


Wabbits wake up

New Montreal States – Spruitland: 0 – 3

In what was undoubtedly their best match of the Qualifying campaign, the Spruitland Wabbits secured a vital three points and remain in the running for a place in the World Cup 24 Finals. A fine 3-0 win over New Montreal States, one of the direct competitors for the play-off spot, combined with a painful Lethislavania loss in Lox Land Island and an expected Shearer home defeat to TnUI gives Spruitland a 4 point margin for third place.

“Four points is not yet a comfortable margin though,” Wabbits coach Cor Bensen says. “We have a tough schedule ahead. This is a good first step, but it doesn’t change much. We still need to win the next two matches to have a decent chance of hanging on to third place until the end.”

Despite the tempered optimism, Bensen must be relieved about today’s result, especially considering the number of changes to the squad. After highly erratic performances throughout Qualifying, the coach opted for a strongly altered defense, with only Fritz Wigmeister playing at his regular position. Koenraad Opdebeeck stayed in the first team squad as well, but he was moved to the center of defense – a position he’s more comfortable with anyway – in place of Van Dyck. Zwi Kibby took over as left back, with Izzy Donck replacing Vegnol on the right.

There was one change in midfield as well, with Ziggy Wilander taking Waldo Gelmer’s place, putting two defensive-minded midfielders in the center to provide more security. Johan Verbeek’s appearance in goal instead of Simon Briers had already been announced, and Verbeek did not miss his World Cup debut, giving Spruitland their first clean sheet of the campaign with a handful of solid saves.

The match was a vast improvement over the home match against New Montreal States, where the Wabbits started decently enough but were slapped senseless by the visitors in the last twenty minutes of the game. Today's match, however, showed a much more determined Spruitland team, solidly building on an early lead with no danger of losing control in the end.

Dirk Jools opened the score from the penalty spot, after Samson Trouwel broke through the defense and willingly allowed himself to trip over Maxime Pilon, the rushing out young goalie. The second goal, a marvelous direct free kick from Balt Luyckx, came early in the second half, at a perfect moment to knock the wind out of the New Montreal States team, that had started the second half with high spirits.

The Wabbits managed to keep a firm enough lock on their area for most of the rest of the match, and young substitute striker Chico Provoost thanked the coach for another ten minutes of playing time with a stoppage time goal off a fast counter-attack.

“That felt nice,” zit-faced Provoost grinned after the match. “I know I’m gonna have to be patient for a few more years before I’ll get to play ninety minutes. But that’s ok, as long as I get a few minutes here and there I’m happy. Also, I’d like to say hello to my girlfriend Sandrine, and my mom, and my little brother. Hi honey! I’m on tv!”

After tonight’s promising performance, Spruitland bookmakers readjusted their odds of the Wabbits qualifying for the World Cup 24 Finals to 5 to 1. The odds of the Wabbits winning their next game, at home to Shearer Heaven, are still more optimistic. After a humiliating defeat in the away game, Spruitland supporters expect the team to “get thoroughly even” with Shearer and his stooges, and they will not be pleased with anything less.

New Montreal States – Spruitland: 0 – 3
0-1 Jools (pen. 9’)
0-2 Luyckx (51’)
0-3 Provoost (90’)

Alexandria Times-Post-Gazette-Chronicle-Journal-Enquierer

Sports Section

Inside: Milchama chances in baseball world series

Milchama claims first scalp. Leave it late against The Lowland Clans

The Milchama Warriors, in their best game of qualifying so far, claimed their first scalp today defeating The Lowland Clans 2-1. Coach Fairbanks said, "This is our best result of qualifying so far by far. There is no doubt that this win shows us that we can beat better teams and proves that come next time we can get to the World Cup." Milchama also declared a sports off-day giving the majority of people a day off because of this triumph and to watch the baseball world series in An Archy.
Match Report:
The Warriors came onto the field determined to show the fans in Choldierim Field in Chi a better performance then their stinker against Nova Brittanicus back on Matchday 4. They did that indeed and it started in the 5th minute when Darian Flinters got a loose ball in the center of midfield and got forward and made a perfect thru pass to Dunston Copperlee who put the ball in the back of the net for a 1-0 lead. This early lead gave the Milchama side confidence and they started playing like they could win. The Warriors started playing with their on form attacking flair with the midfielders making runs a good passes and the strikers playing up and focused football. Coach Fairbanks seemed to have a much looser leach this time unlike the last couple games where Milchama has taken where he decided to play conservatively. This was a good thing as it allowed the Warriors to play the best defense, offense. This offensive attack was near devasting and it took great work from the Clans defenders to stop a second goal by Floren in the 33rd when he beat the keeper but not Bojan Vasil who headed the ball off the line. The score at halftime Milchama 1- Lowland Clans 0.
Second Half:
The Clans started the second half as if to make up for lost time scoring in the first half and they came out attacking. The same two players Gregor and Konstandin who doomed Milchama in the first again controlled the midfield. It looked like the defense would not be able to make the goal stand up as they got 3 shots in 3 minutes and kept the pressure up. The Warriors defense though did a great job with Pevington making plays when he needed and Silas Milckey showing why he is the best defender in the country making two great shot blocks on shot from Gary Park. This great play could not last though and the Clans finally broke through in the 78th minute when a corner by Wesley Stepjan found Rick Blythe's head and Rick Blythe's header found the back of the net. With the score tied at one the Warriors started to play again like they did in the first half with the midfielders playing great and playing the Milchama style of football. Although the goal for the Warriors came on a turnover by Park in the 85th minute when Park gave away the ball to Callers, who had come in as a sub for Thompson in the 83rd. Callers found Flinters who sprinted up the field quickly on the counter attack and made a perfect pass back to Callers who sloted the ball home like a striker to give Milchama their second goal and the win.
Final Score
Milchama 2 (Copperlee 5, Callers 85)
Lowland Clans 1 (Blythe 78)

ONE GOAL IN THREE GAMES

Filon issues demands for new teams, Ministry of Morale refuses comment

NEW MONTREAL - After last night's disgraceful performance against Spruitland, Paladin coach Jene-Rene Filon has demanded a new list of high schools for the upcoming games.

"Frankly, I think we became too damn complacent and cocky. We payed the price the last three games. Now, we're looking at each game as a new loss. We need some new players with a newer outlook," said Filon after the game.

The Ministry of Morale has refused to comment, saying only that Filon's request was "under review" and "not entirely without cause." The Paladins were without midfielder Loic Perron and goaltender Lucien Beaupre, both suspended after their actions during the press conference after game one.

An official quoted under condition of anonymity stated that the teams for the Loc Land Island and Shearer Heaven games would be up for review, but that the next match, at Lethislavnia, would probably have the same school.

Jeruselem Government News

WC24 reserves lose to Man United, err, Southern Manchester

Another match day for the World Cup 24. Match day 10, Group seven.

Crystilakere rolled on steamrolling poor old 0-0 Is Evil 6-1 to continue it's great form and march into the group stages. They look the team to top Group 7.

Southern Manchester beat Jeruselem who fielded a weakened side again to rest players for the final few games. The inexperienced junior Jeruselem team fielded played well but Southern Manchester scored the only goal of the game for an upset to inflict the 3rd loss for Jeruselem. The full side will be playing tomorrow. There is no panic in the Jeruselem camp with the chasing pack unable to be consisent like the top 2.

Haperd showed it's potential, with 4-1 trashing to 3rd placed Ruventsoria. Haperd who should be playing better played like World Cup team and the Ruventsorians again did not take advantage of another Jeruselem loss.

Hypocria and Klakistany toughed out a 1 ALL draw and look lost as some teams are making an impact while they squander chances to pick up wins.

No changes in the top 2 but Ruventsoria drop back to 4th and South Manchester jump to 3rd from 4th. The others are trying but time is running out for them.

GROUP SEVEN
0-0 Is Evil 1 - 6 Crystilakere
Southern Manchester 1 - 0 Jeruselem
Ruventsoria 1 - 4 Haperd
Klakistany 1 - 1 Hypocria

Stars soar past Brazillico 4-0

For a team dealing with a distraction involving Commerce Heights and a future return leg of that two match derby, the Sarzonian national football team played like a team that was only looking at Brazillico and dominated the former World Cup football greats 0:4 away.

The result assured the Stars (9-1-0, 28 points) of finishing no worse than fourth place in Group 8, though with Commerce Heights nine points back with four matches remaining, the Capitalizts' chances of catching Sarzonia for the top spot in the group seem to be increasnigly remote.

"We've still got four matches left before this qualifying season is done," Coach Dave Wilson said. "I can't get caught up in the fact that the next match is going to be my last ever in front of the home supporters. We've got a chance to get in there and clinch first place in the group outright, so that has to be our focus. Everything else including the war has to take second place."

The Stars looked sluggish at the outset, though some observers credited Brazillico (3-1-6, 10 points, sixth place) playing an aggressive match with the Sarzonian struggles. For their part, Sarzonia didn't get into gear until the 27th minute, when midfielder Darwin Russell found forward Brian Wilson for the goal that seemed to open the floodgates for Sarzonia. The Stars scored one more goal before the half and notched two markers eight minutes into the second half.

"We wanted to set a good tone from the opening kickoff," Brian Wilson said. "We didn't quite accomplish that mission, but we got the away result. With three more away matches left in this group, we're going to need all the points we can get."

The Incorporated Football Federation is releasing more details about their plans to honour Dave Wilson before his retirement from coaching. They have named the match against Disjoepia Dave Wilson Day, and are planning to retire the jersey number 1 for the coach that set national team records for most wins by a coach. The team will host a video montage with Wilson's highlights, from the moment he took over as interim coach after the death of his predecessor Bryan Marshall to the team's World Cup XXII championship.

"We plan to do this tribute the right way," Incorporated Football Federation Chairman Terry Mangione said. "We're still looking for a coach to replace Dave, but we realise it's going to be rather hard to fill those shoes quite as well as he has."

One source who spoke on condition of anonymity said the team would bring Bryan Marshall Jr. to the stadium and he would make a speech before Wilson is given his retired jersey.

"We're all looking forward to it. It should be a magical moment."


Group 8 Pl W D L F A Pts GD
Sarzonia 10 9 1 0 23 0 28 +23
Commerce Heights 10 6 1 3 14 10 19 +4
Caprine States 10 6 0 4 11 12 18 -1
Kylaai 10 2 5 3 6 6 11 0
Disjoepia 10 4 1 5 11 12 13 -1
Brazillico 10 3 1 6 10 19 10 -9
Scorthona 10 2 3 5 7 11 9 -4
Chileany 10 1 2 7 8 20 5 -12

Falling asleep
Tigers bag up three points after boring match

The Tigers paid a visit to Taken Names, a team that remains somewhat of a mystery to most of us, especially since we dont even know who the players of this team are, we see the guys but they dont have a name on their back, just a number.

But the nameless guys of Taken Names played a fairly good match and held the Tigers busy for most of the match, while the Tigers seemed to be lacking the persistence required to get the job done. It took the Sadirov brothers until the second half to persuade their team to make a couple moves at the Taken Names goal.

Five minutes into the second half Tanai took a first shot at the nameless box but his shot went wide over. Several more shots at the Taken Names box were made by Bayenerov and Salenko but none penetrated the Taken Names defenses, until the 81th minute, when Pliiev broke out of the defensive line on the left side and sent a pass to Tanai, who scored through the goalkeepers legs.

And with that shot, a rather boring match ended, even the few chances that were created couldnt keep the viewers from almost falling asleep -not literally-. Bahrom sadirov called it :An Off-day? Hey we all need a brake from time to time. Or do you expect us to keep this tempo up for 2 weeks long without a moment of rest. The training has been hard on the boys and they've been doing good in their last few matches, so give them the brake they deserve.

Would that mean that they are going to win 5-0 in their next match? I dont know, Lox Land Island isnt doing very good, and in Dushanbe I expect my boys to take the full three points, but you never know with teams like this, they go with ups and downs so they might give us a difficult time. But we've got our fans backing us, that must count for something.


Fixtures:
MD1: Tadjikistan - New Montreal States W 3-1
MD2: Shearer Heaven - Tadjikistan D 0-0
MD3: Tadjikistan - Taken Names W 2-0
MD4: Lox land Island - Tadjikistan D 1-1
MD5: Total n Utter Insanity - Tadjikistan L 3-0
MD6: Tadjikistan - Lethislavania W 1-0
MD7: Spruitland - Tadjikistan W 1-2
MD8: New Montreal States - Tadjikistan W 1-4
MD9: Tadjikistan - Shearer Heaven W 2-1
MD10:Taken Names - Tadjikistan W 0-1
MD11:Tadjikistan - Lox Land Island
MD12:Tadjikistan - Total n Utter Insanity
MD13:Lethislavania - Tadjikistan
MD14:Tadjikistan - Spruitland

GROUP THREE
Shearer Heaven 1 - 2 Total n Utter Insanity
Taken Names 0 - 1 Tadjikistan
Lox Land Island 3 - 1 Lethislavania
New Montreal States 0 - 3 Spruitland




Group 3 Pl W D L F A Pts GD
Total n Utter Insanity 10 7 3 0 21 6 24 +15
Tadjikistan 10 7 2 1 16 8 23 +8
Spruitland 10 5 1 4 17 15 16 +2
Lethislavania 10 3 3 4 12 14 12 -2
Shearer Heaven 10 2 4 4 11 14 10 -3
New Montreal States 10 2 4 4 10 17 10 -7
Lox Land Island 10 2 2 6 10 17 8 -7
Taken Names 10 2 1 7 7 13 7 -6

Quotes from the messageboard after the 1-0 defeat to Wella

Told you so! Knew this Progressan side weren't up to much. If the Progressans take third now, it will be one of the greatest upsets in history. And get rid of that goalie, now. [truth_hurtz_230]

truth_hurtz_230, don't forget that we've got all the newbies in our last three matches. I still think this group will come down to our match in The Archregimancy on the last day, though Wella will probably be in the equation now too.

We've done better than expected anyway, we're meant to be fifth in this group and everyone called it a group of death. And our guys are mostly still young - Olog's only 22, we've got a few teenagers ready to make the move up to the senior squad. We've not seen the best of this team yet. [dreamer404]

WELLA WELLA WELLA UH! Grease is the word - for what was on the goalie gloves. Disaster for the Progressans, Wella should take third now. [walisana_wellan]

Has there ever been a less predictable group? Oh wait - I think there's probably a few others in this Cup alone. What's up with the scorination? [spreadsheetsoccer494]

spreadsheetsoccer494, we refuse to acknowledge your Excelite beliefs. This is real football. And don't call it 'soccer', because we still call Association football 'football' and American football 'gridiron'. [bigwinner95]


Kaze Progressa 0-1 Wella
Travolta 33

Location: Falkurst, Trebnak

As Johan Jodoski got to the front of the plane with his carry on bags to disembark he looked outside the windows at the modern airport and city.

'Looks like a nice place he thought to himself'. He recalled his alarm about 30 minutes earlier when jets accompanied the jet for a brief moment before pulling off.

He was not all that familiar with the nation of Trebnak. He knew they had some sort of history with the nation of Trotsgrad but nothing else. Either way this was a long way away from the World Cup where his PopularFreedom boys were losing. Ah yes, the thought made him happy. They were losing without him. He would show them the mistake they made in getting rid of him. Just too bad it took forever to find a newspaper in this nation with any information on the World Cup. Almost like it didn't...

His thoughts were interrupted by a security official who pulled a big sub-machine gun and pointed it at Johan.

'Retna scan NOW', barked the guard.

Johan looked confused then saw the machine he had passed just after getting off the plane in the terminal

'Ummm what am I to, whhhhhhhhhhaaaaaaaaaaaaa'

Johan screamed as he was startled when he looked into the machine and a flash of light scanned his eyes.

'You're not in our database', barked the guard again. 'You will need to follow me'.

Johan followed the guard as he sensed the presense of eyes on him.

Wow this place seemed rife with cameras. He entered a room and was ushered a seat. Moments later another man came to him and shook his hand.

'Greetings Johan Jodoski. Welcome to the nation of Trebnak. I am sure you will find our football program to be much more successful than the shoddy team you left. We aim for excellence and so you will find a team more willing to use your skills no matter how vicious you might be in the field of battle'.

'Battle?', Johan seemed confused.

'Ah yes,' The man who Johan still did not know the name of pulled out a newspaper with Johan's picture splashed on the front page with the word 'GOON' in bold. 'Your rivals do not think you are honourable but you are a dirty player. That is good, as you will fit well here on the Falkurst football field'.

Johan looked at the guy and wondered what he had gotten himself into.

Vincent Givens was busy for todays game making another sign to show.

A fellow Pleasantview Raven fan (rival of the North Beach Sharks who represent PopularFreedom at the World Cup) noticed Vincent's sign and laughed hysterically.

Vincent smiled, while his friend read the sign out loud while laughing.

'Shawn Peruvo, $3 million'
'John Collins, $2 million'
'Glen Owens, $1 million'
'Watching a Sharks fan cry cause his team can't score a goal, PRICELESS!'

Mike Stevens and his friends gathered early in the morning in the north end of Loyalty Bay and headed to the football pitch to play a little game of soccer. Only 9 years old and already he and his friends from school loved the sport.

His mom hated the fact that he was so into the sport as she felt it took away from his school.

'How come you can get up so early to play soccer with you friends and yet for school I have to dump cold water on you to get you to move?', she yelled at him as he left.

Mike knew she was just mad cause she was worried he would get sick since it was spitting rain and had rained a lot the night before.

As Mike and his 15 or so friends were on the field they each as usual chose players they were going to be.

'PERUVO I AM', yelled Mike

'LOCART I AM', yelled his friend Gordan Weever

'WELSH I AM', yelled his friend Kevin Zillts

'GOVARDI I AM', yelled Kevin's friend Peter Koster

'JODOSKI I AM', yelled Gordan's friend Lawrence Kingsley

The 15 or so kids stopped and looked at Lawrence then almost in unison they grabbed mud from the muddy field and whipped it at the kid while yelling at him.

*continued from previous RP*

The Vilitan, Burung Brew in hand, rounded a corner and jogged up to an ice-cream van. He wasn't buying an ice-cream, he just wanted to sit on the bench behind it and try to get his breath back. Jogging really takes the wind out of you, as does giggling, and if you do the two things together it makes one's lungs rather nervous. The Vilitan sat down and tried to get his breathing back to normal.

The Vilitan, still in his suit and tie from the meeting he'd had earlier, sat back and watched the road he'd just been running down. He was sure he'd been followed, and if he had, then it would have surely been that ginger twat William who had followed him. Within a few minutes, William's would most certainly wheel round the corner, deposit the ginger twat, and the ginger twat would walk up to him and call him every name under the sun, as well as try to sack him. Again.

Vilkaous' eyes wandered accross the street to an old house, and an old man sitting on the porch. He put his hand over his eyes to block out the sun and squinted a little. Jesus that man was familiar...

"OI!" came a shout from Vilkaous' right hand side. He turned round and saw exactly what he had expected to see. William Branstone, head of the A.F.A. was half-falling out of a taxi and shouting at Vilkaous like a dog barking at a cat that had just hissed at his bone. Vilkaous sat up and smiled at William.
"Well hello there Willy, what can i do you for?"
"Its more like what i can do YOU for, Vilkaous" replied a really quite angry William. "That trick you pulled at the Lonagho'tur'n T'Ahearnidh was a low one. Really fucking low. The people in that room respected you.."
"Respected Schmemected". Vilkaous enjoyed interrupting people with bastardised gangster talk. "The people in that room aren't respecting anyone, they're networking. Everyone's tounging everyone else in the ass to get a better a job. I bet you did that before you became head of the A.F.A.. What are your qualificaitons again?". William asserted himself.
"Daddy runs a business"
"Pah!" cried Vilkaous "Thats your father's qualification, the question I asked w.."
"Shut Up!!!" interrupted William, obviously exhasperated "Shut up! Shut up SHUT UP! The point is, my jumped up Vilitan 'friend', that if you had gotten up onto the table and pissed in the prime-minister's mouth whilst singing the Insanician national anthem, it would have been infinitely less rude than the stunt you pulled today. I mean, putting the Vilitan emblem on our flag and making a design for our shirt that is a complete and obvious copy of that hideous monstrocity the Vilitans wear on their backs. That is low. Real low. You won't make it to World Cup 24 alive Vilkaous" William paused and smirked. "As if the team are gonna qualify anyway".
Vilkaous kept the same calm posture, and looked straight at William.
"Audioslavia will qualify Mr. Branstone. I will get them there, and I will get them far into the tournament. I'm on it."
"The only thing you're on, Mr. Vilkaous, is a vacation" started William smugly, "A real vacation. You have three weeks off. Go home, bugger off to Vilita, or Turori or Brazillico or Bipedal Apes or ANYWHERE, but get out of the country.". Vilkaous smiled.
"But, y'know, i don't wanna leave. I like it here. In fact, i like this country so much, i might buy it.". William was seething and Vilkaous, despite looking away at the rolling Tetney beaches, knew it.
"Fuck off Vilkaous. Fuck RIGHT off. Literally. GO. AWAY. If the longest i can get rid of you is three weeks, then three weeks it shall be. To make sure you go, i'll give you three weeks wages up front, i'll quadruple it, and i'll buy you a train, ferry, or plane ticket". Vilkaous thought about this. Three weeks off with lots of money...
"Its a deal" Vilkaous replied "but we have three matches in the next three weeks. Viszonia on Boxing day, San Lorenzo on New Years Day and January the 6th sees us host Bedistan. Thats gonna be a hard game. Who's gonna manage the team then?" William stood up and looked out to sea, smiling proudly.
"I will!"

Vilkaous tittered slightly, drank some more Burung Brew and got into the taxi that William had recently vacated. Within a few seconds he, and the car, were gone. William was still looking out to sea and standing in a position which he felt made him look powerful and mighty. He had to turn away though when a lock of his greasy ginger hair blew in his eyes, and his asthma kicked in again. He bent down and coughed and wheezed for a bit, before turning back to his taxi, which had of course gone. He looked around for another one, but by now the beach was totally deserted, with not a soul or a car in sight. The only movement came from the slow squeak of a rocking chair on a porch nearby, but the chair was now empty. William turned back to walk up the street.
"Me, William Branstone..." he said to himself. "Audioslavia Manager... only for three weeks... but the manager of Audioslavia nonetheless" He grinned. "This is gonna be fantastic"

http://www.geocities.com/lifeobrien/bull.txt

BRANSTONE PICKLE
'Slaves Humbled by Viszonia

The 'slaves did it again yesterday. Losing to Kurumada was bad enough, but losing to Viszonia was stupid.

Almost as stupid as A.F.A. man William Branstone sending Vilkaous on holiday and managing the team himself. This man has no qualifications to run a football team, apart from possibly his rich father, and it showed.

The 'slaves were all over the place as if they didn't know what they were doing. Viszonia's 16th minute goal was testament to this. A harmless piece of football by the Viszonians in midfield completely flummoxed Audioslavia, a through-ball bamboozled the defence, and the little Viszonian number ten had no problem finishing past Gabe Celta.

The 'slaves looked like they had nothing to throw back at the Viszonians, and the match finished Viszonia 1, Audioslavia 0


Group 11 Pl W D L F A Pts GD
Bedistan 10 7 2 0 19 2 26 +17
Audioslavia 10 6 2 2 17 6 20 +11
Bettia 10 5 1 4 17 12 16 +5
Kericia 10 3 3 4 13 19 12 -6
San-Lorenzo 10 3 2 5 13 16 11 -3
Kurumada 10 3 2 5 7 13 11 -6
Viszonia 10 3 1 6 9 19 10 -10
PopularFreedom 10 2 1 7 6 14 7 -8


Bedistan are all but qualified now, and if Branstone is still the acting manager when the 'slaves play the Lions then it wouldn't be surprising if they hit ten past us. Only Bettia's failure to get a point at lowly San Lorenzo saved the 'slaves four-point cushion over third place. Kericia and Kurumada combined for a 1-1 draw which keeps both side's hopes alive, while San Lorenzo's win puts them between the two sides on eleven points.
Viszonia jump up from last place thanks to their unlikely win, while Popular Freedom are the surprise bottom side, but that is likely to change by the end of qualifying, even if they don't look like getting a qualifying spot any more.

IBJJ, G'NB

Pschychoes Getting Close

a second wn over Palixia moves Squornshelous closer to ECTH
Squornshelous played fairly well in a 2-1 defeat of Palixia, and the other results in group 9 were very interesting. Groba, who are one of the outstanding new teams of this cup, fought to a drw with EL CID THE HERO, 2-2. Tonissia also managed a 2-1 defeat of Nedalia. With their two closest competitors failing to earn all their points, Squornshelous has opened up a 4 point lead on Nedalia, and closed to within three on ECTH. With their next game against Groba, the Pschychoes will have to concentrate to avoid being upset, but will surely be anticipating matchday 12's rematch with ECTH. Also, the Pschychoes are very close to ensuring that they move on from this group. A win by Squornshelous coupled with a draw or loss by Oliverry would guaruntee the Pschychoes a top three finish.

Final Score:
Squornshelous 2-1 Palixia

Group 9 Standings after Matchday 10:

Group 9 Pl W D L F A Pts GD
EL CID THE HERO 10 8 2 0 23 6 26 +17
Squornshelous 10 7 2 1 17 6 23 +11
Nedalia 10 6 1 3 17 12 19 +5
Oliverry 10 5 0 5 12 15 15 -3
Groba 10 3 2 5 14 19 11 -5
Tonissia 10 3 2 5 7 15 11 -8
Palixia 10 2 0 9 11 16 6 -5
Trianland 10 1 1 8 6 18 4 -12



Squornshelous' Qualifying Schedule:
wins draws losses
Matchday 1: Squornshelous 2-0 Tonissia
Matchday 2: Trianland 0-1 Squornshelous
Matchday 3: Squornshelous 2-0 Palixia
Matchday 4: Groba 0-0 Squornshelous
Matchday 5: Squornshelous 0-2 EL CID THE HERO
Matchday 6: Squornshelous 3-1 Oliverry
Matchday 7: Squornshelous 2-0 Nedalia
Matchday 8: Tonissia 1-1 Squornshelous
Matchday 9: Squornshelous 4-1 Trianland
Matchday 10: Palixia 1-2 Squornshelous
Matchday 11: Squornshelous v Groba
Matchday 12: EL CID THE HERO v Squornshelous
Matchday 13: Oliverry v Squornshelous
Matchday 14: Nedalia v Squornshelous[/QUOTE]

Harlesburg back on track?
Tallionis 0 - 3 Harlesburg

0-3 read the score at the end of 94 minutes of gametime and Harlesbrg had finally broken a 4 game Hoo Doo after two very close loses to Fmjphoenix and Starblaydia both ranked very highly then came a shock loss to Naleloospalakintula with a score of 1 - 0 surprising since Harlesburg won the first match at home 3-0 and then another draw came out of a game vs Prince Aidan the first being 1-1 and the second result 2-2.

"It was really heartbreaking for the guys to play so well against those two teams and to go down like that in both games with missed chances hurt us we thought we could pick it up in the next game with the experience we had learnt from the opposition but we took a few steps backwards now weve gained points out of the last two games but the other teams are right on our tail nothings a certainty for us anymore."-Harlesburg Coach

Salad goal was a deflection off his shin from a fumbled Keeper save Von Nowg scored from distance with a powerful left boot and Chance worked magic in the middle to out manouvere the defenders before slidding it under the keeper from close range.

Harlesburg Scorers
Salad 39th
Von Nowg 42nd
Chance 48th

To: World Cup Committee
From: Terrence Mangione
Chairman, Incorporated Football Federation
CC: Lance Lasala
President, Commerce Heights Footballing and Soccer Federation
Subject: Commerce Heights response

First of all, the Incorporated Football Federation is amazed and bewildered at the outrageous claim that our request to move the match between Sarzonia and Commerce Heights in what is normally the away leg for Sarzonia to a neutral site is a violation of the spirit of World Cup football. The preservation of the safety of our football players in the light of a massive war and the threat of further military action by their bunch of hired goons takes the utmost priority for us.

If we are compelled to travel to Commerce Heights, we would require a full military escort of one platoon of Sarzonian army troops and a squadron of ISAF fighters to ensure the safety of our football team. Quite frankly, we have no confidence in the ability of the Commerce Heights military to protect Sarzonian players and we have a complete lack of trust in their stated intent to ensure the safety of our football team.

We find the claims that Mr. Lasala's desires to replay the first leg of the Sarzonia:Commerce Heights derby had nothing to do with the outcome of the match, 3:0 Sarzonia-Commerce Heights, absolutely farcical. What other motive can they have as they face the possibility of being forced to play a two-leg playoff for the right to advance to the World Cup finals while Sarzonia need only one win in the final four matches to ensure a trip to the Finals?

We urge the World Cup Committee to make the right decision and ensure the safety of all players, coaches, supporters, and media personnel in light of this threat posed by the Commerce Heights thugs.

------

To: Matthew Sparks
CEO, Unified Capitalizt States of Commerce Heights
From: Mike Sarzo
President, Incorporated States of Sarzonia
Subject: Continued threats

The Incorporated Sarzonian Government is unimpressed with your claim of jurisdiction over the actions of citizens of another nation. As citizens of Caprine States, they are obliged to follow Commerce Heights laws no more than they are required to follow Sarzonian law. As a media outlet, it is their responsibility and their duty to obtain whatever information is needed for their readership, or did you and your cohorts fall asleep in your media law classes because they had nothing to do with capitalizm?

We reiterate our response to your threats. If you commit military action, we will respond appropriately, in whatever form we are able to take. We will be forced to evaluate the state of diplomatic and economic relations between our countries as a result of this episode.

To: IFF (Sarzonia), CHFSF (Commerce Heights)
From: Marshall Warzycha, KFA Chairman
CC: Trevor Belmore, DK/KD Committee Chairman
Subject: SRZ v CMH match

The KFA, as World Cup co-organisers, have decided to allow the match to take place at a neutral venue, specifically City Park in the Krytenian cit of Avidia. The match will be played behind closed doors to avoid potential supporter tension.

We also hope that both nations settle their differences in a diplomatic solution.

------------------------------
OOC: MD11 scores up (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=9535273&postcount=11)

Training Camp of Nanakaland National Team
Laksu Kynsu was furious. He needed to talk with the players on the Nanakaland team. He told them, "You are losing. Not by losing games but by scoring 12 goals while allowing 23 against you! Best is draw, and you only did a draw once. You are doing no karela. To attack is to lose."

"We can't even finish top two!" objected Anthony Johnson. "We need to score if we have a hope of qualifying."

"Attack means defeat," Kynsu responded. "You are benched next game now."

"But I am the star scorer of Nanakaland!"

"Didn't you hear me? Attack means defeat!"

Sometime later that day, Laksu Kynsu slipped a a va'karela under Johnson's bed...

(OOC: There is no CHFSF—it’s just CHFF!)

From: Lance Lasala, President, Commerce Heights Footballing and Soccer Federation
To: Terrence Mangione, Chairman, Incorporated Football Federation
CC: Marshall Warzycha, Chairman, Krytenian Football Association; Trevor Belomre, Chairman, DK/KD Committee; the Commerce Heights Armed Forces

First of all, we find the claims that Sarzonia’s desire to play the second leg of the Sarzonia–Commerce Heights derby had nothing to do with the home field advantage that the Capitalizts would lose, but that our motives are impure, absolutely farcial. We do not want to replay the first match—we would greatly prefer that the second match go on as planned. But if we are not allowed our home advantage, then you should not be allowed to keep yours.

From: Matthew Sparks, CEO, Unified Capitalizt States of Commerce Heights
To: Mike Sarzo, President, Incorporated States of Sarzonia
CC: Marshall Warzycha, Chairman, Krytenian Football Association; Trevor Belmore, Chairman, DK/KD Committee; Terrence Mangione, Chairman, Incorporated Football Federation

Though we continue to believe that your fears about the safety of your players are unfounded, we have decided to allow the Sarzonian military to send an escort to Commerce Heights (the fighters may land at Chan Mrzigod Airbase outside New Seoul), in the interest of peace and cooperation between our nations. We hope that Sarzonia and Commerce Heights can continue to work together to settle disputes such as this diplomatically.
If a group of Tingitanans were to travel to Sarzonia, surely you would expect them not to steal from your people, and would justly punish them if they did, even though there is no law against theft (or anything else) in Tingitana? The CDA’s claim against Linedate is no different. Neither 金正日 nor Jack Dalton gave implicit or explicit consent to have their conversation monitored, and therefore, under Capitalizt law, such monitoring is illegal. Since this was a crime committed inside Commerce Heights, against two Capitalizt citizens, we do not see how this can be considered outside of our jurisdiction. And even if it were somehow outside of our jurisidction, it is most certainly not in yours, so Sarzonian media laws do not apply. (In order to continue peaceful relations, I will ignore that very undiplomatic comment!)
We are taking no military action against either Caprine States or Sarzonia, and we hope that their actions do not force us to change that policy. Unless you would like to compensate 金 and Dalton for the crime committed against them, it remains the CDA’s right to extract that compensation from the criminals, using minimal required force. If your nation persists in interfering with our justice system, we will be sure to threaten military action the next time your government threatens military force for failure to pay so-called “taxes.”

Official Results In!
TnUI are best in the world again.

The latest World Cup Body Count has the TnUFBI way in the lead over human sacrifices to Margaret and the Rejistanian Monk Wars. A spokesman had this to say:

"The TnUFBI is proud to except this award on behalf of the millions we have slaughtered to make this nation of ours great. Of course I have to deny that any of those death were related to us and deny liability in any lawsuits."

Audioslavia stupidity came in at number 4 just ahead of Belmoron stupidity.

dengerous time

In last 2 matches Lovisa has only 1 point. We draw with Fart Island 1-1 and lose in Home!!!! with Clavis 0-1.

its dengerous time, because we still havent 100% to advance to final, and we can finish at 4th place. It will be terrible for lovisan football. All lovisan fans hope that Lovisa will be second in group.

Dave Wilson walked slowly out to his seat on the sidelines, looking for all the world like a man who was trying to soak in the atmosphere in what would be his final home match as the head coach of the Sarzonian national team during World Cup XXIV qualifying.

A sold out Bryan Marshall Stadium awaited Wilson as he scribbled down the ten field players and goalkeeper who would make up his starting 11. The routine process of writing down the lineups so the referees would be aware of who would don the navy blue home kits of the Sarzonian team took on a far more emotional meaning to Wilson as his hands trembled with pen and paper to commit his lineup decision to the ages. Finally, Wilson handed the tear-stained sheet to the center official and quickly turned, dabbing his eye with his right sleeve as he walked back to the bench.

As he crossed the sideline and walked toward his spot on the bench, with assistant coach Chris Trautwig to his left and Barry Owens on his right, Wilson sighed. All the years he'd been preaching focus and concentration and he was having trouble concentrating on the task at hand.

But who could blame David Wayne Wilson? After all, he had coached the Sarzonian national team for 133 matches coming into the match against Disjoepia. His long tenure at the head of the Sarzonian football programme had been through both war and peace, turning Sarzonia from a team that kept falling one match short of the World Cup finals into one of the world's genuinely dominant teams. The current Stars team had not conceded a goal in 10 consecutive matches, and was the only team in World Cup XXIV qualifying not to let a single goal past its goalkeeper.

"Boss, are you all right?"

Wilson looked down at Owens, looking up with concern as Wilson's eyes were red from the tears they gushed.

"I'll be fine Barry. Really."

Wilson wasn't his normal animated presence on the sidelines, and that may have contributed to the team's starting out sluggishly against a Disjoepian side that played with unusual desperation for a team that was on the outside looking in on the playoff picture. But, as a testament to the team's enduring strength, the Stars got just what they needed, and from the son of the coach. Forward Brian Wilson scored both goals, at 22 minutes and 49 minutes into the match, and goalkeeper Horace Sandt continued his dominant play, turning aside three shots to earn his 11th consecutive clean sheet of the World Cup qualifying campaign and the 12th overall, including Sarzonia's 2-0 win over Bedistan in the third placed match of World Cup XXIII.

But for Dave Wilson, he wasn't thinking much about the 2:0 win against Disjoepia as the events of the postmatch ceremony honouring his career played themselves out. He wasn't thinking about much more than finding his wife and crying on her shoulder when Bryan Marshall, Jr. spoke with a clear, unwavering voice.

"We are here to honour the career of one of Sarzonia's great coaching minds," Bryan said. "Mr. Wilson, I know you've said you don't think you ever filled Dad's shoes. Well, I'm here to tell you now, that if Bryan Marshall were here now, he'd be real proud of you. And I'm proud that you've taken this team to new heights and made it your own. By doing so, you've left your own indelible mark on Sarzonian football. I couldn't be more proud of you."

With that, Marshall surprised the 59,856 supporters in attendance by embracing Dave Wilson in a long, warm hug that drew awwws from the crowd and a prolonged, affectionate standing ovation. Unbeknownst to those in attendance, Marshall whispered, "I love you Dad," drawing even more tears from the Sarzonian coach.

"I am so proud to be able to stand here before you today and thank all of you for an extraordinary ride," he said after finally collecting his thoughts. "Through the good times and the bad times, I've always tried to get the lads to play their hearts out for you every time out. Eighty six times out of 134, I was able to get that done.

"I'm so priviledged to coach such a wonderful set of men and women. I'm going to leave this match and my whole career with a lot of wonderful memories. Thanks for everything. I love all of you, and I love you Bryan," he said, hugging the son of his predecessor once again with the roar of approval of the Stars supporters providing the chilling soundtrack once again.

For one night, the fact the Stars are preparing to travel to Avidia, Krytenia, where they will play the return leg against footballing rivals Commerce Heights after a round of political jousting involving both the governments and the football associations of the rival nations meant little to the Stars. For one night, the reports of the war between Sarzonia and Pantera took a backseat to the warmth of feeling on a special night, the final night that Dave Wilson would coach his side in a home match.

As if he were trying to invoke one more emotional display from Dave Wilson, the Jumbotron played a video of Bryan Sr. cracking a slight smile and saluting. The video itself showed the coach saluting his team, but on this night, it appeared as a sign from the beyond of Bryan Marshall Sr. saluting the man who took his place. And for one final time on a night wrought with emotion, Dave Wilson cried.

PALADINS PICK UP A POINT AND A GOAL

Any point is welcome after three straight losses

SHERBROOKE - Last night, Jean-Rene Filon was actually calm. Sort of.

After picking up a point and a goal last night against Lethislavania, Filon was actually speaking to reporters, an improvement over the tho pervious matches.

"We've got a long way to go to get ready for the Cup of Harmony, but at least we can see a light at the end of the tunnel. Or maybe's that just a train. We'll find out tomorrow against Taken Names," Filon said.

The game itself was fairly humdum, with anonymous Lethislavian striker putting it past keeper Jean Aubrey after 50 minutes of play, who picked up 10 saves on the night.

"I can't fault Jean for that goal," said Filon. "He did a good job for the night, and I guess it was bound to happen."

The Paladins evened it up with midfielder Luke Perry scoring 7 minutes later. "It was a great moment," said Perry. "I'm just glad to be here, and scoring was even better."

Tomorrow, the Paladins go play Taken Names. "Hopefully, we can bounce back against them and get some momentum for the CoH," said Filon.

Bipedal Times
Trans-border newspaper of the RBA

Two-Footer slide continues

by Ingbaba

Bananaton-- For the first time in months, the RBA entrant to the qualifiers for the twenty-fourth World Cup of football have fallen out of a qualifying spot in their group. After achieving a strong third place in the first half of qualifying with five wins and two losses, the Two-Footers have managed a record of only one win, one draw, and two losses-- entirely against sides that they beat on the first qualifying leg.

Last night they hosted a young Zanziik side that they beat away eight months ago, 3-1. The Zanziikians, last place in the group, got their revenge in spades, winning 4-1 in what had to be the worst performance the Two-Footers have given in trans-border play. They have been beaten by three goals a number of times, but never by a side ranked so far below them.

Critics have been claiming since the Two-Footers’ 3-0 loss to Lovisa that Ms. Throckspartle’s decision to send male striker Tribuana down was a mistake. Though the side’s lack of offense these months may be attributable to Tribuana’s absence, the collapse of the Two-footers’ defense cannot. Throckspartle has been desperately changing keepers, starting Spotrockle and now Dogdiggle to no effect.

Tribuana will be reinstated for the next match-- an absolutely critical one, against Liamist States, the side above the RBA in the group table. This comes after intense lobbying by the RBACFA, not to mention legions of supporters. Whether the Two-Footers’ fortunes will change-- or, with the three top-ranked sides in the group upcoming, it will be too little too late even should Tribuana bring some winning spirit to the team-- remains to be seen.

Chicanadan Rabbler
When a nation stops caring

Kodiaks give up on NS WC XXIV

CFA President Quonesh is expected to announce later today who will be replacing pretty much every single person after, to the surprise of no one, the Chicanadan side dropped to 2-0-6 to teams ranked below 90th in the NS.

Quonesh did say there appeared to be some bias against the Kodiaks by many ref decisions lately.

The Kodiaks, who came into the tourney ranked 29th and comming off a breakthrough season, have basically collapsed and fallen to last in the group and the nation has shrugged and moved on to the 1928 Liga-CFU season. Many say they think there was something up when the team, who's not been know to be great role-players but had been anyways, still continued to lose to competition that they should have beat.

No word on if they will send a squad to NSWCXXV.

[ooc: Yes I'm bitter at loosing to teams ranked way down and not even role playing. Thought if I followed suit maybe i could do well but was clearly wrong. Ya'll have fun for the rest of the tourney for the Kodiaks aren't feeling in the mood to rp after seeing the team still loose to unranked teams (no disrespect meant, just confused and slighty pissed about it]

THE ARCHREGIMANCY BRINGS YOU

WORLD CUP TONIGHT

The World Cup Wrap-Up Show with Fr. Nicholas the Scribe and Fr. John the Golden-Throated


"Welcome to the Show. I'm Fr. Nicholas the Scribe bringing you details of two exciting World Cup qualifying matches following the complete break-down of our broadcasting system over the weekend. And it's good news, isn't Fr. John?"

"Absolutely fantastic, Fr. Nicholas. Two wins out of two against former World Cup giants Spaam and Wella, and we're suddenly right back in the play-off picture, thanks be to God for all things."

"Any reason for these magnificent performances?"

"No doubt our lads are still celebrating the election of Theophilus III as Patriarch of Jerusalem, Primate of the Mother of all Churches, and the 140th successor of the holy apostle James, brother of the Lord (http://www.mospat.ru/text/e_news/id/10097.html). How can a true Orthodox monk not be in good spirits now that the unfortunate trouble in the Holy City is behind us? That and some good strategic decisions by the coaching staff."

"Shall we look at the highlights, Fr. John?"

"Why not?"

----------------------
The Archregimancy vs. Spaam

"...some nice build-up play on the right between Fr. David the Water-Drinker and Fr. Pavel the Wanderer. Exchanging passes as they approach the area. Fr. Pavel loops it in... the Spaam 'keeper parries it, but it's only to the edge of the box... straight to Fr. Nicholas the Hermit... HE SHOOTS!!! FR. NICHOLAS THE HERMIT SCORES! THANKS BEEEEEEEEEE TOOOOOOO GOD! His first goal of the qualifiers, and it couldn't have come at a better time, with a dour, scrappy first half coming to a close..."

"...casting out demons. And Spaam are beginning to assert themselves here, no doubt aware that a loss here will almost certainly leave them with a mountain to climb. And they've won a corner. It's a high curving ball into the box, and - oh my - you won't see that often - one of the opposing players actually rose above our man-mountain Fr. Michael the Greater to win the ball, and sent a powerful header into the upper right-hand corner. So with half an hour to go, it's 1-1, and everything to play for.

"...with news filtering through that Kaze Progressa is losing 1-0 to Wella, the crowd have gone entirely silent in fervent prayer to the Lord. It's an eerie atmosphere, but I'd be praying too if I didn't have to commentate. Only five minutes left - will we fall victim to our recent habit of letting in late goals? Fr. Michael the New Hermit makes the tackle deep by the corner flag, and sends a monster ball upfield to the half-way line. Substitute Fr. Theophilus the Golden takes the ball to the left, and immediately flicks it forward to Fr. Nicholas the Hermit, who OH MY! A MAGNIFICENT VOLLEY! A MIRACULOUS GOAL CONJURED FROM NOTHING! THE CROWD GO WILD! Hallelujahs are ringing out around the ground - two goals for Fr. Nicholas the Hermit, and it's one of his trademark miracles. Thanks be to the Lord, thanks be to St. Nicholas the Wonderworker, thanks be to the Mother of God, Bringer of Victories!"


----------------------------

Wella vs. The Archregimancy

"...this crucial game. If our brave lads win, and Kaze Progressa fail to win, we'll take third spot with the three easiest games still to come. But Wella showed some real resilience to beat Kaze Progressa away last match, and Eauz showed that they're far from invincible against the increasingly erratic and unpredictable Jewish Citizens..."

"...half an hour in, it can only be a miracle that we're still in this one. Wave after wave of Wellan attacks have come crashing down on our defence, but the lads have been magnificent, and Fr. Justinian the Thrice-Blessed has been nothing short of sensational in goal. AND ANOTHER FANTASTIC SAVE! How did he keep that one out? Well might Fr. Justinian kiss the icons he keeps by the back post - his guardian angel must be looking out for him today"

"...55 minutes in, and its a rare corner to the Archregimancy as they temporarily relieve the near-constant pressure on their beleagured defence. Fr. Michael the Lesser sends it in to the far post... YES! THANKS BE TO GOD! FR. MICHAEL THE GREATER!!! HE SCORES!!! He uses his great height to tower over the defence, and unlike in previous matches, there's no need for a rebound to Fr. Silouan - the man mountain from Troitse-Sergiyeva scores himself! And the Archregimancy take an unlikely lead completely against the run of play!"

"...these last ten minutes have been excruciating. Both Fr. Silouan and Fr. Nicholas the Hermit have been taken off, and Fr. Alexander the Missionary and Fr. Alexander the Sailor have been brought on to bolster the defence. We're playing 6-4-0 - with Fr. Polycarp and Fr. David playing deep, it's arguably 6-2-2-0 - no doubt someone on the squad's been watching Rejistania train. FR. POLYCARP CLEARS IT OFF THE LINE!!! STRAIGHT TO A WELLAN!!!! THIS HAS TO BE THE EQUALISER! FR. ALEXANDER THE SAILOR SOMEHOW GETS HIS HEAD TO IT!!! IT'S A FRANTIC GOALMOUTH SCRAMBLE!!! PLAYERS FALLING DOWN ALL OVER THE PLACE!!!! The referee blows his whistle, and... somehow, somewhere in that melee, Fr. Justinian the Thrice-Blessed has managed to get his hands on the ball."

"...one last mighty boot upfield from the Wellan 'keeper and... the referee blows his whistle! The Archregimancy have beaten Spaam and Wella in consecutive games! And the players gather to venerate the Holy Icon of the Mother of God, Bringer of Victories. This is incredible stuff, and with word coming in of a 1-1 draw between Eauz and Kaze Progressa, our lads are back in third spot..."

----------------------------------

"Amazing scenes, Fr. John"

"Truly amazing. Wella completely dominated that match, but in the end, the number of goals scored matter more than the number of shots on goal"

"Can you preview the remaining three games for us?"

"Well, Rejistania - of course - and Eauz are through, though Eauz have been wobbling a bit, what with losing to Jewish Citizens and the 1-1 home draw with Kaze Progressa - the latter in particular a result we could have done without. But still, we're in control of our own destiny now. We wanted four points from the last four return legs against the four top-ranked teams in the group. We took six. Wella and Kaze Progressa are only one point behind us, and our goal-difference could be better, but our remaining games are against three of the four lowest-ranked teams in the group - but then the same's true of Kaze Progressa. Their last three games are against the three lowest-ranked teams. Which includes us. The good news is that two of our last three are at home:

Vs. Jewish Citizens (away): The Hebrews are the most erratic team in the group. Here's hoping we face the version that's conceded 29 goals in 11 qualifying games - and that we beat 4-2 - rather than the version that's beaten Eauz once and Spaam twice.

Vs. Poppuli (home): Poppuli can be frustrating opponents, but they also currently sit bottom of the group. We send prayers to the Lord that we can come through with a victory at home.

Vs. Kaze Progressa (home): This promises to be the crunch match. By no means are we discounting Wella, but this is the one we have to win. The Progressans, like us, are performing magnificently, all out of proportion to their world ranking. But they're also our main rivals for that play-off spot. If we beat Jewish Citizens and Poppuli, a draw should do here, especially if the latter two teams have held the Progressans to at least one draw. But we absolutely cannot afford to lose. Expect the Dreamed Stadium to be ringing out in prayer on match day 14....

-----------------------------------------------------

GROUP TEN
Poppuli 0 - 2 Rejistania
Jewish Citizens 2 - 1 Eauz
Kaze Progressa 0 - 1 Wella
The Archregimancy 2 - 1 Spaam

GROUP TEN
Eauz 1 - 1 Kaze Progressa
Wella 0 - 1 The Archregimancy
Spaam 2 - 1 Poppuli
Rejistania 2 - 0 Jewish Citizens


Group 10 Pl W D L F A Pts GD
Rejistania 11 10 1 0 34 3 31 +31
Eauz 11 8 2 1 24 8 26 +16
The Archregimancy 11 4 3 4 12 19 15 -7
Wella 11 4 2 5 14 18 14 -4
Kaze Progressa 11 4 2 5 15 19 14 -4
Spaam 11 3 0 8 11 18 9 -7
Jewish Citizens 11 3 0 8 11 29 9 -18
Poppuli 11 2 2 8 9 16 8 -7

Canucks face tight final three games

The draw against Liamopolis-Liamton has put Hockey Canada in a tight position if they want to have a shot at Qualifying for the World Cup 24 Finals. Their 1-1 draw today may not help them down the streatch when they have Oglethorpia, Svecia and Vilita to play- all teams ahead of the Canucks in Group 12. But spirits are high and tempers are low as they'll really be pulling for these last few points.

The game opened with a bang as both sides came out strong. Liamopolis-Liamton came out hard especially when their forwards pressed hard and strong at keeper Kyle Thomas in the opening 10 minutes. With a mix of skill and luck Thomas was able to keep the ball out of the net with the aid of his defenders, lead by Yanic Perrault.

Perrault made his presence felt a few minutes later when a cross from Petr Srylanko nudged Perrault's head but skipped away from the net nearly propelling the Canucks to a 1-0 lead. Perrault nearly added an assist for himself in the 28th minute when he cleared the ball up to a running Mike Ko. Ko broke free of the first defender chasing him but was tripped by the second.

Fears became realized when Ko didn't get up immediately. Clutching his ankle as he lay on the ground he was carried off on a streatcher and taken to hospital. Ko had a broken ankle and will miss the rest of the World Cup 24 campaign. A horrible accident to happen to a player who is loved by both fans and coaches.

Steve Vaughn came out to substitute Ko and certainly didn't disappoint when he ran out in the 39th minute. Vaughn played brilliantly against the Liamopolis-Liamton defenders and midfielders but to no avail as the score ended nil-nil at halftime. One note at halftime was the quietness of Rahul Kulkarni, Hockey Canada's second-highest goalscorer.

Vaughn did have his chances in the second half though; in the 49th minute he recieved a cross from Evgeni Zimin beating 2 Liamopolis-Liamton defenders. Vaughn played the ball perfectly but the ball just couldn't seem to find the back of the net as the Liamopolis-Liamton keeper dove to make the brilliant save as if to mock Thomas at the other end of the pitch who wasn't seeing much action.

Liamopolis-Liamton got the scoring going in the 66th minute when 2 Liamopolis-Liamton players squeeked by the Hockey Canadian defence. A two-on-none opportunity had Thomas beat as one Liamopolis-Liamton striker passed to another to put the ball in the back of the net sending Liamopolis-Liamton fans screaming knowing they had a chance to jump ahead of them in the standings.

Rahul Kulkarni finally made a mark in the 71st minute when Steve Vaughn was brought down 22 yards out of the goal leaving Kulkarni at a shot at the net. 3 Hockey Canadian players drove to the net as if expecting the cross but a Kulkarni shot caught the Liamopolis-Liamton keeper off guard. A curve around the 4-man wall seemed enough to beat the confused keeper but not the iron as a little bit of wind carried the ball too far right to ping off the crossbar and out of play.

The frustrated Canucks began to flare their temper and nearly let it spill over. Kyle Thomas was the first in the 80th minute when a Liamopolis-Liamton striker got past the Hockey Canadian defence. It was a one-on--one chance for Liamopolis-Liamton but Thomas challenged from afar to make the save. The Liamopolis-Liamton fell over Thomas but seeing how aggressive the challenge was the referee chose to award the challenge to Liamopolis-Liamton giving them a penalty shot.

Thomas was put on the spot as well as the Liamopolis-Liamton striker as millions of fans in both countries around the world stood in shock as the striker placed the ball hard and low. The shot didn't seem enough as Thomas guessed the shot right to get a finger on the ball and keep it from danger. Shouts of joy echoed all across the drunken nation of Hockey Canada as that save might have preserved Hockey Canada's chances of getting into the finals.

Steve Vaughn made the best of that save in extra time when he broke free of two Liamopolis-Liamton defenders and deked out a third to go all alone in on the Liamopolis-Liamton keeper. A challenge wasn't enough as Vaughn cheekily tapped the ball over the keeper and placed the ball into the net softly to even the score up a 1 apiece. Kulkarni nearly put the Canucks ahead on a wicked shot from just inside half but wasn't enough as the Canucks walked away with a 1-1 draw.

Oglethorpia is next on the Hockey Canadian agenda. The hardest remaining schedule for anyone in the group suggests that the Canucks may not get in. But with 3rd place up for grabs any 4 teams could get it. Oglethorpia is the frontrunner with 17 points but Hockey Canada is close behind with an equal goal differential of +5. Liamopolis-Liamton has 14 points to equal Hockey Canada but a horrible goal differential could hurt them. Elrich is a long shot with 10 points and -6 Goal differential. It's anybody's game.

Group 12 Pl W D L F A Pts GD
Vilita 11 9 2 0 24 3 29 +21
Svecia 11 9 1 1 31 14 28 +17
Oglethorpia 11 4 5 2 14 9 17 +5
Hockey Canada 11 3 5 3 17 12 14 +5
Liamopolis-Liamton 11 4 2 5 8 18 14 -10
Elrich 11 3 1 7 17 23 10 -6
Righteous Beliefs 11 1 3 7 11 24 6 -13
The Jam Doughnut 11 1 1 9 6 24 4 -18

Hockey Canada is statistically screwed- right in the middle of a 4-team race for 3rd. Even if the Canucks do make it into the 3rd-place playoff, another team will be dying to get in with them. Anyone can play, and certainly anyone can win. Upsets anyone? Hockey Canada will certainly be looking for them.

Alexandria Times-Post-Gazette-Chronicle-Journal-Enquierer

Sports Section

Milchama eliminated. Asking for the host of the Cup of Harmony

The Milchama Warriors were officially eliminated today from qualification for World Cup 24 after their 1-0 loss on the road to Nova Brittanicus. The Warriors who were looking for a just a tie on the road, after their magnificent win against the Lowland Clans at home, came up empty after an 88th minute goal by Neil Swallow. Coach Fairbanks said, "I'm dissapointed that we lost but I'm also happy at the way we played. Last time we played them we got crushed 4-0 this time they scored a lucky goal in the final minutes to beat us. We're getting better and better. We should do good in the Cup of Harmony."
Match Report by the announcer:
This was mostly a boring match so we decided to take a page from The Archgemancy's book to make it more exciting. We pick the match up in the 60th minute.
Flinters with the ball now his speed can be very deceptive OH MY GOD HE'S PAST ONE DEFENDER, TWO DEFENDERS HE SHOOTS and its saved by Smythe. Good shot there from Flinters could have gone in.
63rd minute.
Scarsdale with the ball looking for Swallow in the box swings the cross in AND HE'S FOUND SWALLOW ALL ALONE NO DOUBT oh it went just over the cross bar. No goal lucky break for the Warriors.
70th minute.
...then they went and beat Turkey. Kevington clears it out of the box looking for Timmons and has found him in the middle with a good spring pass and Timmons takes the ball goes around a defender and looks for Floren in the box oh no he's been stripped of the ball and there the Bluebirds go on the counter attack. Maitland forward past midfield looking for somebody anybody found Scarsdale and he shoots...Saved by Koolerc and an excellent save at that. Great shot better save.
76th minute.
...that's the Milchama fighting spirit for you. Talking about fighting spirit look at what the Warriors have done tonight playing brilliant and inspired football I think Coach Fairbanks has done an excellent job with this- oh Rintell now just went around one defender. He's in a race for the ball wins the race and passes back to Copperlee who shoo- no passes to Floren In The Box Shoots annnnnd saved by Smythe. Floren should have done better on that shot.
84th minute.
Looking, looking found his man all alone J.J. Faren with the ball one on one with the keeper he shoots. He's beaten the keeper its going in...Just wide. No goal there for the Warriors but their getting closer. Maybe they could pull off the upset.
88th minute.
Ball swung in on the cross and cleared by Thompson for a corner. Good header there by Thompson nice and- their taking the corner quickly the Bluebirds caught the Warriors unprepared the cross by Hawksworth right to Swallow and Swallow puts it in. Goal for the Nova Brittanicus Bluebirds in the 88th minute. 1-0 to Nova Brittanicus.
Stoppage Time.
Milchama trying one more time to get to that magic tying goal Rintell to Timmons to Copperlee who puts in the box but cleared out. And that's the whistle Milchama lose 1-0. Bad loss for the Warriors there...

WARRIORS REFUSING TO OFFICIALLY GO DOWN WITHOUT A FIGHT

The Praying2God Warriors, whom almost all of the media have written off as being eliminated from qualification for WC XXIV, refuse to beat a hasty surrender to plan for WC XXV. The Warriors beat The South Packerlands 3-1 to get back within a point of the third and final qualifying position for WC XXIV. However, the Warriors final three matches are against the top three teams in the group, and the Warriors are likely going to have to win out in order to qualify, so in all likelihood, the Warriors are going to be planning for WC XXV soon. At this point it can bluntly be suggested that the Warriors will need a miracle, and a few answered prayers to qualify for WC XXIV.



SUPPOSED LARSON AND WALKER SIGHTING AT LAVISH RESTERAUNT

There were unconfirmed reports that Warriors stars keeper Sarah Walker and forward Thomas Larson went into a private room at the most lavish resteraunt in P2G. The rumored sighting took place shortly after the Warriors 3-1 victory over The South Packerlands. Patrons in the resteraunt spotted two people who match the descriptions of Larson and Walker going into a private back room in the resteraunt. However, nobody saw them leave, and the resteraunt would make no comment on the rumors. Larson and Walker have been pressed frequently for information on their involvement with each other, and the most that they've said is when Larson told a reporter "We're good friends and teammates. Why do you media types have to go and start rumors like that? It's pointless for you to speculate what may or may not be going on between Sarah and myself. What is going on between us in our own private business, and I'm not going to say anymore about it."

http://i5.photobucket.com/albums/y197/Spruitland/sportsgazette.jpg


One step closer

Spruitland - Shearer Heaven: 3 – 2

Not quite there yet, but finishing in third place in Group 3 is starting to become more and more tangible for the Wabbits. With their third victory in a row tonight, Spruitland took an important step towards what could be their first ever World Cup Finals.

Tonight’s home match against Shearer Heaven was not the best performance the Spruitlanders managed in this campaign, but in the end, it was the result that mattered. The pesky Shearer and his fanboys managed to pull alongside twice, with Samson Trouwel and Dirk Jools scoring the first two goals for Spruitland. Big Jan Wolters scored the winning goal deep into the second half, securing a vital three points.

The result all but mathematically puts Shearer Heaven out of contention for the play-off spot, as they are now nine points behind Spruitland with three matches to go. More good news came from the match between Lethislavania and New Montreal States, who held each other to a one all draw.

“Yeah, that certainly helps,” Cor Bensen agrees. “That gives us a bit of a margin of error. I don’t wanna cheer before the fat lady starts wailing though. We still have three tough matches to play, so it could still go wrong. But at least it’s in our own hands now. And let’s be honest, if we can’t hang on to third place from where we are now, we don’t deserve a spot in the World Cup.”

After a promising first half of Qualifying, New Montreal States have been unable to keep the momentum going. They are now eight points behind third place, which seems like a confortable enough margin for the Wabbits. At first sight, at least.

“Well, what did they expect, sending high school students to play their games?” Dirk Jools snickers. “Those kids got lucky once or twice, but luck like that never lasts. Back to the Playstation, boys!”

“Wouldn’t exactly call it luck,” Bensen disagrees with his star striker. “More like youthful enthusiasm, and that can get you far. In fact, I still consider them to be our main competitor for the play-off spot, not Lethislavania.”

Bensen’s reasoning does make sense. Of the three teams that are still in the running for third place, New Montreal States has by far the easiest schedule ahead, with matches against the bottom three of the group, while both Spruitland and Lethislavania have yet to face the top two. Getting nine out of nine is certainly not impossible for the high school students. The pressure will be on them though, as they can’t afford a single slip up.

For the Wabbits, on the other hand, a slip up at this point is not necessarily disastrous. Undoubtedly, Bensen and his team will be hoping to make all the above calculating a waste of effort though. And all they need to do to achieve that is win the next game, at home, against Lethislavania.

Lions on a Hot Streak

back to back wins followed by another draw with Audioslavia leave San-Lorenzo sitting in a tie for fifth.
San-Lorenzo has really come on in the way they are playing in the second half of their qualifying schedule. First pulling off a huge 5-0 win over Kericia, followed by a closely fought 1-0 defeat of Bettia, who beat the Lions 4-0 in their first match. The Lions have continued to pick up points by forcing a second draw with the formidable side from Audioslavia, who seem to be in a bit of a slump. This one also went by the score of 1-1, and was mainly a defensive battle, with San-Lorenzo's seven man defense frustrating the 'Slaves at every turn.

There were some errors in the Group 11 table provided in the scores thread. San-Lorenzo, having 3 wins and three losses, was accredited only 8 points, and Viszonia was also shortchanged somewhat. I have attempted to fix the tables, but there may still be some small errors. They are accurate to the best of my knowledge.
Corrected Group 11 Table

Group 11 Pl W D L F A Pts GD
Bedistan 11 9 2 0 21 2 29 +19
Audioslavia 11 6 3 2 18 7 21 +11
Bettia 11 5 2 4 18 13 17 +5
Kericia 11 3 4 4 14 20 13 -6
San-Lorenzo 11 3 3 5 14 17 12 -3
Kurumada 11 3 3 5 8 14 12 -6
PopularFreedom 11 2 2 7 7 18 8 -10
Viszonia 11 2 1 8 9 21 8 -12

Flash!

Confederate Broadcasting Corporation

Breaking News

Good evening Caprine States, I am Ludwig Blanderfraktenstein. The government of the Confederacy of Caprine States has recently made public its intent not to compensate two citizens of Commerce Heights for damages claimed against an indeterminate number of Caprine citizens.

Press secretary Leon Stravinsky held a surprise press conference on behalf of the government, in which he detailed the government's reasons for refusing to comply. Among the most important was the lack of any direct communication between the Confederacy and Commerce Heights on this issue.

According to Mr. Stravinsky, there has been, "No defined amount for compensation, no defined timeframe in which to carry this out, no explanation of what crime was committed or what civil code was violated, and none of that information is even available through newspapers."

Stravinsky had earlier said that the only reason the government was aware that it was expected to compensate citizens was because of intelligence gathering operations that involve the reading of foreign newspapers. From these newspapers, it seemed that Commerce Heights was overtly threatening the security of Caprine States, but further intelligence reports show little threat mounting from the distant Commerce Heights, which have suggested (but not directly said) that the government is not being held responsible.

Stravinsky added that, "Even if Commerce Heights's claim were valid, we would not simply hand over money to compensate for an act that has not been brought before a fair and impartial court."

When asked about what would happen if a limited strike were laid upon Caprine States, Stravinsky responded, saying, "At this point we will treat any limited strike by Commerce Heights or any organized group of their citizens that is manifest to the government as a full act of war. Period."

In other news, the Goats are holding steadily to third place after tying Brazillico 1-1 in the eleventh qualifying match, leaving them three points behind Commerce Heights for second place and an automatic qualification to Krytenia/Druida.

bsd
the bedistan sports digest

We can barely count that high!

The usual cheers erupted from bars across the nation as the Lions concluded their eleventh qualifying match, as it confirmed, once again, their qualification for World Cup 24. It took many people quite some time to calculate just how many times the Lions had qualified.

"I had to take off not just one, but both of my shoes to figure it out," said Maggie Eden, 24, who was born in Total n Utter Insanity, lived there for seven years before moving to Audioslavia for thirteen years and then moving to Bedistan with her boyfriend, who attends the University of Sonoma at San Diego. "It comes out to nineteen, I think - that's all my fingers and all but one of my toes. What happens if they qualify two more times? I can't count that high!"

So it's off to Krytenia and/or Druida in search of a second World Cup trophy to go along with the one from World Cup 21. And we at the BSD will be covering it every step of the way.

Groba????

Again, the Pschychoes are unable to score, as Groba steals another point
What is it with Groba, I ask you? What makes them play so well? Is it their amazingly in depth roster, full of star players from clubs across the world? Maybe it's their scintilating wit and dramatic storyline of their journey through qualifying? Could it be their vast footballing experience and top ten ranking? Perhaps it's the way they've shown such dedication and perseverance in the face of overwhelming odds. Maybe they're just damn lucky.

I am now going to tell you a number, this number will seem quite ordinary and meaningless to you. This number is 24. Perhaps you will notice that it is divisible by 1, 2, 3, 4, 6, 8, 12, and 24. Maybe ti has some other significance to you. Very probably it is just another number to you. To Squornshelous, it represents the number of times our team almost won their match. 24 shots by Squornshelous were either blocked, saved or sent wide or high of the net. Another number you may wish to consider is 3. You may note that three is a prime number, or the square root of nine, or the number of the Holy Trinity. I would note that three represents the number of times that Groba fired a shot in the general direction of Darius Lepard. 1 is the number representing the number of times he was forced to make a save.

What is up with Groba? Several Squornsheous scientists have concluded that in order to play as well as they have, Groba is surely some members of another, better national team in disguise. The question then becomes "Who?" I present to you, Dr. Ehrlich Spunkmeyer, who will introduce you to his theory.

"Thank you, I would like to begin by saying that it is next to impossible for a brand new country to shut out the 12th ranked team in the world, especially twice in qualifying. This leads me to the conclusion that there are players on the team for Groba, who are actually from another country. This country would have to be fairly good at football for these players to have his effect, so we may narrow the field of candidate states to the top 25 in world KPB rankings. Now, when we consider that the players from this top 25 team are playing multiple matches, one is lead to believe that their play must be suffering on their normal squad, due to the fatigue of playing and practicing for two matches. Now all that remains to be done is to examine the top 25 teams and find those which are having sub-par showings in this qualifying round.

Some possible candidates are as follows:
Lovisa - 14th in the world, second in their group, but with only 22 points they are at risk from Liamist States and Bipedal Apes.
One Red Dot - 10th in the world, also second in their group with just 22 points, far behind Five Civilized Nations (30 pts) who are ranked in the thirties.
Oaker - 9th in the world, second in their gropu with just 23 points. They trail 20th ranked Cockbill Street.
Jeruselem - 24th in the world with only 20 points they are threatened by BoF Cup runners up Ruventsoria.
Commerce Heights - ranked 16th in the world, also second in their group with 22 points. Caprine States are nipping at their heels.

and last but certainly, most definitely not least. . .
Audioslavia - 18th in the world, they are second in group 11 with 21 points, threatened by Bettia, and here, we also find a motive. The longstanding rivalry between Squornshelous and Audioslavia goes back into the roots of both countries, to World Cup Five, where in the Pschychoes innaugural match, they upset or "assraped" as was said at the time, an 11th ranked Audioslavian team coming off a great performance in world cup 4. The loss threw the 'Slaves into a bit of a slump, which took them several years to get out of. The two teams have met four times since in world cup play nd the series is dead even. In addition to this, Audioslavia have been frustrated by Squornshelous associated protectorate state San-Lorenzo, who played them to a pair of 1-1 draws. Would the 'Slaves really hurt their own chances just to stop us from qualifying? We don't know, but we aim to find out.

OOC: wow, that was a long one.

Final Score:
Squornshelous 0-0 Groba

Group 9 Standings after Matchday 11:

Group 9 Pl W D L F A Pts GD
EL CID THE HERO 11 9 2 0 29 6 29 +23
Squornshelous 11 7 3 1 17 6 24 +11
Nedalia 11 7 1 3 19 12 22 +7
Oliverry 11 5 0 6 14 18 15 -4
Groba 11 3 3 5 14 19 12 -5
Tonissia 11 3 2 6 7 21 11 -14
Palixia 11 3 0 9 14 18 9 -4
Trianland 11 1 1 9 6 20 4 -14



Squornshelous' Qualifying Schedule:
wins draws losses
Matchday 1: Squornshelous 2-0 Tonissia
Matchday 2: Trianland 0-1 Squornshelous
Matchday 3: Squornshelous 2-0 Palixia
Matchday 4: Groba 0-0 Squornshelous
Matchday 5: Squornshelous 0-2 EL CID THE HERO
Matchday 6: Squornshelous 3-1 Oliverry
Matchday 7: Squornshelous 2-0 Nedalia
Matchday 8: Tonissia 1-1 Squornshelous
Matchday 9: Squornshelous 4-1 Trianland
Matchday 10: Palixia 1-2 Squornshelous
Matchday 11: Squornshelous 0-0 Groba
Matchday 12: EL CID THE HERO v Squornshelous
Matchday 13: Oliverry v Squornshelous
Matchday 14: Nedalia v Squornshelous

Another number you may wish to consider is 3. You may note that three is a prime number, or the square root of nine, or the number of the Holy Trinity. I would note that three represents the number of times that Groba fired a shot in the general direction of Darius Lepard. 1 is the number representing the number of times he was forced to make a save.



The Holy Synod of the Archregimancy would like to assure Squornshelous that the only correct 'consideration' of the number three lies in its Trinitarian aspects. Any other 'considerations', particularly those involving the number of shots by one football team against another, are potentially dangerously heretical.

Should the Archregimancy have the honour of playing Squornshelous in the playoffs - which, as we understand it, requires us to do well in our last three matches against fellow low-ranked opposition, and for Squornshelous to do badly against rather more highly-ranked opposition - we would be happy to discuss this with your players in more detail when they visit the Archregimancy.

Rest assured that we only have the best interests of your immortal souls at heart, and we hope that (should the admittedly unlikely above events come to pass) your squad shan't react to attempts to convert it to the Orthodox Church in the same manner as Rejistania, by humiliating us 5-0 in the return leg in a fit of theological pique.

Sincerely Yours,

The Scribes of the Archregimancy

Mixed reults leave things up in the air for Conures

The Conures stay in third place in group 6, but there is not guarentee they will make the cut.

The run of 1-1 draws was finally snapped in Rocklands on Sunday, as Chicanada were dispatched 2-1. The first half was hardly a classic, and all the excitement was confined to the last 15 minutes. With 75 minutes on the clock, Holsworthy was tripped in the box. He got up to take the penaly, and slipped it home into the bottom right corner after sending the keeper the wrong way. Within 3 minutes, Chicanada levelled the scores, as Sedley funmbled a cross, which an alert forward turned in. Even then, the match wasn't over, as with three minutes left, Sulla's long pass found Holsworthy in space. His perfectly placed chip sealed the win, and prompted Chicanada's coach to storm out of the ground.

The glow of victory was short-lived, though, as the next match saw a truely abject performance, resulting in a 4-0 defeat at group leaders Cockbill Street, who seem to have the measure of Hurfordia. Two goals in each half saw Hurfordia crushed.

The results leave Hurfordia 3rd in the group, a point ahead of the South Packerlands, who the play next. The Conures can still make the top four, but they may have to play above thesleves to be sure of qualification.

Harlesburg1 Giesenfried 1

leroy Brown 22nd minute header from Von Nowg cross.

Coach upset at linesmen.

(FYI: North Beach Sharks represent the nation of PopularFreedom as they are #1 in the nation, Pleasantview Ravens are their archrivals in the Bay Football League)
---------------------------------------------------------------
Peruvo sat in his hotel room in Kericia. His bags packed waiting for the notice that the bus was here to take the team to the airport. 'The bus', he said the words out loud as the television monitor continued to stream information about the match today while Pleasantview Raven fans (archrivals of the Sharks) jeered the Sharks outside of their hotel room.

At the start of this tournament the Sharks were treated like royalty by all, now the government had cut back on funding since, 'the Sharks are not playing like they want funding', as one government spokesman had noted.

Peruvo could hear the jeering outside his hotel window loudly now. It infuriated him as he could hear them jeering his name, 'HEY PERUVO NICE PUNCH, CAN'T SCORE FOR A FEW GAMES SO THOUGHT YOU WOULD TAKE SOMEGUY OUT EH'. The jeering was from individuals but it was basically the same message.

The game for Peruvo today was rather short of course. Kericia's star Thomas Jalic, the same one who had spat on him in their previous match (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=9491303&postcount=199) right at the start of todays game came up to him and insulted him before spitting on him again. Peruvo smiled as he thought of his reaction. Nice uppercut to the face breaking Jalic's nose. The referees as usual missed the insult and the spitting but of course saw the uppercut. Red card, automatic suspension for next match and of course a hearing on whether he can play for the remainder of the tournament.

'A well it could have been worse', he said outloud to himself. At least the government did not act though that was probably more due to that the government wanted to avoid an international incident and no doubt the Shark fans would riot big time if he was suspended. Then again Peruvo found the Prime Minister's statement on the topic interesting. Almost as if he excused his (Peruvo's) actions in light of Jalics.

Oh well...

*KNOCK KNOCK*

A knock on the door interrupted his thoughts as John Collins another teammate looked in.

'Bus to the airport for our flight. You coming man?'

Shawn without a word grabbed his stuff and slammed the door. The echos of the Raven fans still echoing in the background.

The last run
Tigers one victory away from qualification after spectacular win.

The match of the Tadjikistan Tigers was the complete opposite of their last match in Taken Names, spectacular and full of action. Lox Land Island tried to get away from its current position in the group and took whatever chances they could get here in Dushanbe.

Getting used to the stadium and the crowd didnt seem to be any problem of the Lox Landers who made their first moves in the beginning of the match, before the Tigers knew what was going on they made a first shot at the Tadjik box, luckily for Vorozheikin it hit the left pole.

With such enthusiasm they soon moved up again and their second shot at the box was a goal for them. The Tadjiks stood by and watched as the Lox Landers took the lead in Dushanbe. It was quite a strange situation for the Tigers who were used of holding their own on their own terrain and it took them a while to get over it.

Another effect of the early Lox Land Island goal was the frustration among some defenders, and it was detrimental. Terekhin, an otherwise good player, no turned against a Lox Land forward as the latter was moving towards the Tadjik goal, Terekhin missed the ball but hit the leg of the forward.

Terekhin and Tadjikistan were both lucky when the ref only pulled a yellow card, unfortunatly, the penaltykick that came along with it was a second goal for Lox Land Island and another setback for the Tadjiks. They were a long way from winning here.

The Sadirov brothers had to get their players vback into shape right after the first half, and did not spare them in their critisizm, especially the agressive behaviour of some players was not tolerated. More importantly they made clear to their boys that there was no way they could sit back now.

The Sadirov talk must have been impressive, the Tadjiks came out of the locker room as a team and their play improved with the minute. Several good moves were made and eventually they got their first goal when Tanai drove a shot low over the ground at the Lox Land goal, right where the Lox Land goalkeper tried to catch it, it bounced on the ground and over him into his box.

There was some luck involved here, but for the Tadjiks it was more than enough to encourage them. Seven minutes after Tanai's shot Salenko scored with a header, and brought the Tadjiks back into the match. Two minutes after Salenko, it was Bayerenovs turn to place his shot in the lower corner of the Lox Land goal.

With their lead the Tadjiks could now calm down a bit, while Bahrom sadirov replaced some players, Szarmach now replaced Salenko while Zytsev took over Kirovs work. Both substitutes marked the match with an action that led to a goal by Szarmach, his second goal for the national team. The Tadjiks had impressed their audience with their style and succes, they now focussed on defense, rather than offense.

In the final minutes Lox Land Island took advantage of that cgange of strategy and closed in again with a goal. But it came too late to make a difference and the Tadjiks kept three points at home, after a spectacular but also difficult match.

The sadirov brothers werent exactly in the mood to talk about this ordeal and left the stadium right after the match, so the only person who could comment on Tadjikistans further pla,ns was Alexander Zaev, still assistent coach :'It was indeed a strange match , that eventually turned in our favour. None the less I am confident that we're strong enough to hold a top three position, its so close now. One victory, prefferably in our next match, would be enough to secure our spot on the World Cup, but our next match is against Total n Utter Insanity, the team we lost 3-0 from. Well, I guess we should try and hope for a draw, I know its possible here in Dushanbe.'

Fixtures:
MD1: Tadjikistan - New Montreal States W 3-1
MD2: Shearer Heaven - Tadjikistan D 0-0
MD3: Tadjikistan - Taken Names W 2-0
MD4: Lox land Island - Tadjikistan D 1-1
MD5: Total n Utter Insanity - Tadjikistan L 3-0
MD6: Tadjikistan - Lethislavania W 1-0
MD7: Spruitland - Tadjikistan W 1-2
MD8: New Montreal States - Tadjikistan W 1-4
MD9: Tadjikistan - Shearer Heaven W 2-1
MD10:Taken Names - Tadjikistan W 0-1
MD11:Tadjikistan - Lox Land Island W 4-3
MD12:Tadjikistan - Total n Utter Insanity
MD13:Lethislavania - Tadjikistan
MD14:Tadjikistan - Spruitland



Group 3 Pl W D L F A Pts GD
Total n Utter Insanity 11 8 3 0 24 7 27 +17
Tadjikistan 11 8 2 1 20 11 26 +9
Spruitland 11 6 1 4 20 17 19 +3
Lethislavania 11 3 4 4 13 15 13 -2
New Montreal States 11 2 5 4 11 18 11 -7
Shearer Heaven 11 2 4 5 13 17 10 -4
Lox Land Island 11 2 2 7 13 21 8 -8
Taken Names 11 2 1 8 8 16 7 -8

It had been a long day for Shark coach Dennis Viltacore.

His star player, Shawn Peruvo, had been red carded before the opening kickoff (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=9538967&postcount=433) due to injuring the nose of Kericia's star forward Thomas Jalic.

Then of course the Sharks played like garbage for most of the match except for the beginning of the second half where substitute Glen Owens, in for William Welsh at the start of the second half, was able to somehow arch a shot over the Kericia keeper to make the Shark fans even louder than they already were.

Of course the Sharks being the Sharks had to let up. Goalie Peter Locart who played a brilliant was perfect until the 84th minute when Kericia's Timothy Devani directed a rebound off a cornerkick into a gapping net to even the score at 1-1. At least the Kericia crowd got loud than so he could not hear the insults hurled down from the Sharks fans, Viltacore thought to himself.

Then of course the news conference itself. Explaining to the angry Kericia media the actions of Peruvo in regards to Kericia's star Thomas Jalic. Things did not help much, in relation to talking to the Kericia media, that the Prime Minister of PopularFreedom seemingly defended the actions of Peruvo. Viltacore remembered hearing his address by radio just before the news conference and cursing at himself in regards to the speech by the Prime Minister. 'If the World Cup officials will not take action to address the actions of Mr Jalic than our government will not take action to address the REACTION of Mr Peruvo'. Viltacore repeated that part of the Prime Minister's speech over and over. He of course agreed with it but it did not make it easy for him when talking to the Kericia media.

As Viltacore boarded the bus heading from the hotel to the airport he heard a mix of jeers from Shark fans and insult from Kericia fans.

*SPLATT*

Something nailed the side of Viltacore's face. As he climbed into the bus he could see the bus being nailed by eggs. He wiped the egg off his face when he had reached his seat and the bus pulled away from the everly increasing angry mob.

JMC Official Press Release
JMC is pleased to announce two more new kit contracts for World Cup XXIV.

MILCHAMA
http://www.dirt-racing.com/3wide/sites/aofiles/wc16bids/Milchama.jpg http://www.dirt-racing.com/3wide/sites/aofiles/wc16bids/MilchamaAway.jpg

AUDIOSLAVIA
http://www.dirt-racing.com/3wide/sites/aofiles/wc16bids/Audio.jpg http://www.dirt-racing.com/3wide/sites/aofiles/wc16bids/AudioAway.jpg

We're still looking for contracts, so any interested nation get tin touch! [OOC: TG Krytenia]

Location: Loyalty Bay, PopularFreedom (at the offices of the Loyalty Bay Informer - premier newspaper of the western part of the country)

The sports editor of the Loyalty Bay Informer, Mark Pinell, approached his boss.

Mark Pinell: John, you heard that Peruvo got red carded during yesterday's game and that the Prime Minister responded to it defending his actions. Jodoski is gonna be lived while Kericia...

Mark was cut off

John Nissle: You could be right but with the upcoming Bay Football season near I want you to focus your writing on that. Sure bring in some stuff from the World Cup and yesterday's game definetly but it should be your second priority man, we need sales and right now with PopularFreedom doing so bad at the World Cup the upcoming football season will sell more papers unfortunately. Stay away from the Jodoski story too man, there is a growing movement to shun papers in the city that cover Jodoski at all so we are best to just avoid him period.

Mark Pinell: If you say so John.

Jeruselem Government News

3 games left, Ruventsoria hold on to 3rd!

World Cup XXIV, Match day 11. Not much time to get going, it's time for the teams to step and win!

Crystilakere look unstoppable. The Crystils beat Southern Manchester 2-0 to continue their current unbeaten run after the Jeruselem loss and are assured of a top 2 position and are 8 points ahead of Jeruselem. No Crystil divining needed here! Southern Manchester lost 3rd spot to ... guess!

Klakistany dealt Haperd a blow, winning 2-0. Haperd who are 5th and two points behind Ruventsoria, needed a win but Klakistany improved their chances muchly. Both on 12 points and need a few wins.

The bottom two are only 4 points adrift of 3rd, but they did themselves a favour and drew which means no one benefited. Both on 10 points and really need to get some wins more than the others.

2nd vs 3rd, Jeruselem vs Ruventsoria. Could Ruventsoria beat Jeruselem again? No, they played a ONE ALL draw but Ruventsoria regained 3rd from Southern Manchester on goal difference as both are on 14 points. Ruventsoria cannot relax as last placed teams are only 4 points behind.

With Jeruselem 6 points ahead of 3rd, the others need get winning but they have not been able to string consecutive wins together at all. With 6 teams in reach of 3rd spot, this will come down the last game.

MD11
Jeruselem 1 - 1 Ruventsoria
Haperd 0 - 2 Klakistany
Hypocria 1 - 1 0-0 Is Evil
Crystilakere 2 - 0 Southern Manchester


Group 7 Pl W D L F A Pts GD
Crystilakere 11 9 1 1 27 4 28 +23
Jeruselem 11 6 2 3 19 9 20 +10
Ruventsoria 11 3 5 3 15 17 14 -2
Southern Manchester 11 4 2 5 10 16 14 -6
Haperd 11 3 3 5 16 18 12 -2
Klakistany 11 3 3 5 12 16 12 -4
Hypocria 11 2 4 5 9 16 10 -7
0-0 Is Evil 11 2 4 5 10 22 10 -12

GRAHAM CITY SUN - Stars go into Tough 3 needing Win

GRAHAM CITY - Gary Johnson was putting the Clans' top players through hard paces today as the games dubbed the Tough 3 approach. A must-win game at Pedriana is in three days, and Westley Stjepan is doing his all to try to ensure a Star victory. Should the Stars win at Pedriana, they will qualify. The Stars could also theoretically make a run for second place, but that would require an upset of Herculean proportions against both Nova Britannicus and Turori.

The starting eleven against Pedriana will looks pretty much the same as the starting eleven at the beginning of the qualifiers. Though word on the street is that Jozef Gregor will come off the bench in favor of Aneiran Aindrea, the Irishmen whose now playing overseas.

[OOC: Commerce Heights, with the name you picked for your footballing organisation it's easy to make the mistake Krytenia made with the acronym. Just wanted to point that out. And this little sideshow RP has been a fun departure from the norm. :)]

Stars take short flight, long view

For a team that clinched an automatic berth in the finals of World Cup XXIV with three qualifying matches remaining, the Sarzonian national team's mood was sombre as the team boarded the plane for the short flight to Krytenia. Instead of taking the longer ride to Commerce Heights for a match against the world's 16th ranked side in the away leg of their two match derby, the Stars are heading to a neutral site for the match.

The circumstances leading the team on this unusual side journey could not have been more strained. Sarzonia is currently in a war against a much more powerful nation, Pantera, which attacked its colony in Branwyn. Meanwhile, Commerce Heights threatened military action against Caprine States due to allegations of spying, resulting in diplomatic tensions between the football rivals. As a result, the Incorporated Football Federation asked to have the match against Commerce Heights played in a neutral site.

The request was granted, so the away match with Commerce Heights will be played behind closed doors at City Park in Avidia. The move came in spite of Commerce Heights Footballing and Soccer Federation president Lance Lasala's objections, arguing the move violated the "spirit" of World Cup football. The diplomatic tensions between Sarzonia and Commerce Heights also threatened to boil over into further hostility, particularly when President Mike Sarzo accused Commerce Heights CEO Matthew Sparks of "falling asleep in [his] media law classes."

"We've got a football match to play," Coach Dave Wilson said. "This may be the most difficult time for either team to just concentrate on football considering all the behind the scenes mularkey. But we've got a football match to be played."

After an emotional finale at Bryan Marshall Stadium in Woodstock, Wilson looked to be ready to put an end to the distractions that have creeped up on his team and get ready to step onto the pitch.

"It's time to stop playing political football and start playing the real game," he said.

Normal Service Resumed



When we last joined you Hypocria had finally kick started their qualifying campaign with a long overdue win, 2 - 1 in Haperd. Since then six matches have been played, 18 points have been available and the Hyppos have charged up the table. Okay, that’s not entirely true. Yes six matches have been played and yes 18 points were up for grabs from those games but replace charging up the table with dropping down it. From those possible 18 points the Hyppos managed to collect a paltry 4 and now sit level on 10 points with 0-0 is Evil at the bottom of the Group 7 table.

Any confidence gained from the win over Haperd was quickly shattered in the next game which saw Hypocria travel to run away group leaders Crystilakere. The former World Champions were clearly in no mood to go easy on Guylain N’Dumbu-Nsungu’s struggling side and hammered his boys 4 - 0.

They bounced back with a creditable performance at home to second place Jeruselem with goalkeeper Ricardo Kindelan’s man of the match performance the key factor in the goalless draw.

Another game and another draw. Ashley Marshall put the Hyppos in front in Southern Manchester but the fragile back line crumbled again and the opponents equalised in the second half.

When the Hyppodrome was constructed it was intended to be a fortress in which Hypocria would record victory after victory. It isn’t. Despite goals from Shirko and Liberda another home defeat ensured as Ruventsoria put three past second choice keeper Derevko to make it six games without a win at the national stadium.

For the second away match in succession Ashley Marshall got his name on the scoresheet. This time his second half strike saved a point as Hypocria drew 1 - 1 in Klakistany.

Back to the Hyppodrome and surely the Hyppos would finally get that long overdue home victory, over bottom side 0 - 0 is Evil. Bercali put Hypocria in front but once again the Hyppos failed to hold onto the lead and the match finished 1 - 1.

The results leave Hypocria level on points with bottom side 0 - 0 is Evil and now mean that the Hyppos are unable to finish in the top two. They are just 4 points behind third placed Ruventsoria with 9 to play for but with games against Haperd, Crystilakere and Jeruselem to come nobody is getting their hopes up.


Group 7 Pl W D L F A Pts GD
Crystilakere 11 9 1 1 27 4 28 +23
Jeruselem 11 6 2 3 19 9 20 +10
Ruventsoria 11 3 5 3 15 17 14 -2
Southern Manchester 11 4 2 5 10 16 14 -6
Haperd 11 3 3 5 16 18 12 -2
Klakistany 11 3 3 5 12 16 12 -4
Hypocria 11 2 4 5 9 16 10 -7
0-0 Is Evil 11 2 4 5 10 22 10 -12

Despite leading Hypocria to the nation’s first ever appearance in a final not so long ago national coach N’Dumbu-Nsungu is clinging onto his job by his fingertips. A string of poor performances against the lower ranked teams in the group as well as some rather odd decision making such as the constant substituting of Ashley Marshall, the reluctance to play Danny West and most recently the inexplicable decision to drop fan favourite Ricardo Kindelan for the home game with Ruventsoria have piled on the pressure. If rumours are to be believed a poor performance in the next game, at home to Haperd, could lead to the final whistle being blown on the coach’s tenure in charge.

http://www.dirt-racing.com/3wide/sites/vilita/vn/tn/tieot.gif



Colony Cup II




-------------------The Turori Eels moved even closer to their first Colony Cup championship after a calm but decisive 2-0 victory over System Karela. The victory catches Turori up on games played with Nova Britannicus, the only team that still can mathematically catch the Eels. Victory for Turori is in no way ensured, however, despite being 5 points clear with just 2 matches to play. Nova Britannicus will have it all to do when they face the leaders. Anything but a victory for the Britannicans will secure Turori's position atop the table. However, If Turori do suffer their first defeat of the competition, then the fate of Colony Cup II will lie in the hands of resurgent Pedriana. After an abysmal start, Pedriana has started the second half of competition unbeaten to leap frog System Karela into 4th, and put the pressure on surprise 3rd place occupants Dauna Hills. After the top-of the table clash, both Turori and Nova Britannicus will have to tackle in-form Pedriana to decide who will be crowned the second ever Colony Cup champion. Meanwhile, System Karela has been anything but throughout the competition, moving into dead last, and taking over as the nation conceding the most goals through the duration of the matches played so far.


Colony Cup II---------- -
1- Turori 6 6 0 0 19-0 18
2- Nova Britannicus 6 4 1 1 9-6 13
3- Dauna Hills 7 1 3 3 6-13 6
4- Pedriana 6 1 2 3 8-11 5
5- System Karela 7 0 2 5 3-15 2



Nova Britannicus 2 - 0 Dauna Hills
Dauna Hills 0 - 3 Turori
System Karela 1 - 2 Nova Britannicus
Turori 4 - 0 System Karela
Pedriana 1 - 2 Dauna Hills
System Karela 1 - 1 Pedriana
Turori 3 - 0 Nova Britannicus
Turori 4 - 0 Pedriana
System Karela 0 - 0 Dauna Hills
Pedriana 0 - 1 Nova Britannicus
Dauna Hills 2 - 2 Nova Britannicus
Turori 3 - 0 Dauna Hills
Nova Britannicus 2 - 0 System Karela
System Karela 0 - 2 Turori
Dauna Hills 2 - 2 Pedriana
Pedriana 4 - 1 System Karela

------------------------------

MD12 Scores soon.

MD12 Tables slightly later (I have to go out)

"Tabeck hold 'em, laddies?" Khim said, shuffling his ornate deck of cards as his companions took their seats around the green felt table.

"Again?" Nikola sighed, distributing his own-brand chips as per usual around the Fmjphoenician hotel room. "How about Five-card stud, nothing wild?"

"Alreet," Khim said, "that were Ceri's favourite game."

That silenced the group of four men for a moment, reminding them of his murder. Ceri Salisbury, former Starblaydi international and Iskara Daii right-back, had been slain in his own lavish home by an unknown assailant. Ceri's final dying act had been to scratch the numbers 58 and 6 on the floor, a pointer to Khim himself.

"So what did you two find out," Nikola asked, "when you searched Ceri's Alfreton place?"

"Nowt." Khim said flatly.

Khim and Robb had travelled to Ceri's up-town Alfreton Heights mansion to search for any clues they might be able to find - either television had lied to them or crimes were actually often solved by random interfering passers-by -
but had come up with absolutely nothing.

"Nothing at all?" Simeone asked.

"Abso-fucking-lutely, brother," Robb replied, "We tried searching for every conceiveable clue that Ceri might have left us: absolutely nothing."

"You're forgetting one thing," Simeone said, examining his face-up cards and deciding not to bother with them, "Ceri was always searching for the patterns and groupings and all sorts - it's why we stopped inviting him to these little get togethers. I thought he was going to hit the bottle to try and cope with it, but Excelsior got a hold of him before that happened." His three opponents digested this information for a moment before Simeone continued. "What if there isn't a pattern or a clue or something to look for? If it's all random, just search his place randomly, you never know what might turn up?"

"That bloody dwarf has done it again." Nikola said, not paying attention, "two-pair, aces over eights."

"See," Simeone said, "Dead man's hand. That bit of randomness tell you anything?"

Comment on the message boards after the Progressan defeat to Poppuli

HOW MANY TIMES DO I HAVE TO SAY IT BEFORE YOU REALISE IT? THIS TEAM IS CRAP!!! Sorry, but it had to be said. I knew we'd lose this match - and sure enough, we did. I feel sorry for the fools who've bought flights to The Archregimancy and tickets for the game - their naivety has cost them a great deal of money. Actually - I don't feel sorry, I feel smug. [toldyouso404]

If Poppuli can beat us they can beat The Archregimancy. This group is just too unpredictable. Even Wella might go through - in fact, we might be the ones to make that happen. [land_of_noddy]

Diabolical. Our most important match since our revival, and our easiest - and we lose it. Goodnight Kaze Progressa. Forget WC24, we won't qualify until WC34. [justanotherdaze]

All good things come to an end - but it wasn't meant to be like this. Guess I'll be watching the action in Druida and Krytenia as a neutral again. [globo_locomotivo]

Drastic missed opportunity for my beloved Wella. With Kaze Progressa also certain to go out, this is a sad day. I hope the fundamentalists of The Archregimancy do not win their playoff match. [walisana_wellan]


Poppuli 1-0 Kaze Progressa
Moss 59

Group 10 Pl W D L F A Pts GD
Rejistania 12 11 1 0 36 4 34 +32
Eauz 12 8 2 2 25 10 26 +15
The Archregimancy 12 5 3 4 15 19 18 -4
Kaze Progressa 12 4 2 6 15 20 14 -5
Wella 12 4 2 6 15 20 14 -5
Spaam 12 4 0 8 13 19 12 -6
Poppuli 12 3 2 8 10 16 11 -6
Jewish Citizens 12 3 0 9 11 32 9 -21


(OOC @ Poppuli: I have called the Poppuli goalscorer Moss because while you didn't name your players - only the formation - the silver and black colours of your team match that of the Oakland Raiders, and I thought it would fit. Don't worry, his first name won't be Randy.)

(OOC @ The Archregimancy: The views expressed by walisana_wellan are not representative of myself or indeed many Progressans. It is simply a roleplay device - the idea that some Progressans consider a devout nation like The Archregimancy to be associated with fundamentalism.)

Not so grateful, Stars clinch

AVIDIA, Krytenia (ASP) -- For a short plane ride, the match between Sarzonia and Commerce Heights could only be described as a "long, strange trip" if only because of the events that led to the match being played here in Avidia.

Instead of the match being merely a battle between two football rivals with the final composition of Group 8's representation into the World Cup XXIV finals in doubt, the match turned into an ugly affair with the Capitalizts and the Stars combining for 46 fouls and five yellow cards and a 1:1 scoreline.

Forward Brian Wilson received two yellows, for a vicious tackle against Λεμονής Τριανταφυλλίδης in the 52nd minute and one two minutes later for arguing the previous caution. Defender Mike Coyle earned a one match suspension for elbowing goalkeeper Davis Teel whilst jockeying for position in a 42nd minute melee. The two players will miss the away match against Caprine States.

Despite playing two men down, the Stars (10-2-0, 32 points) only conceded one goal, in the 88th minute with Commerce Heights pressing for the equaliser and Sarzonia playing all five remaining defenders and two defensive midfielders in an attempt to steal three points. Even though the Stars remain the best defensive team in World Cup qualifying, Coach Dave Wilson was shaking his head after the match.

"I don't think I've ever seen anything quite like it," he said. "That's probably the most off focus I've ever seen this team except when we play Xile. I'm just glad we didn't get more red cards."

The Stars are no doubt glad to get rid of Commerce Heights. In spite of their first-ever victory over the Capitalizts, the rivalry between the two nations has passed from sporting rivalry to political and diplomatic hostility. The two football federations and two national leaders exchanged heated letters centering on Sarzonia's request to play the match at a neutral site and Sarzonia's warnings to Commerce Heights surrounding military pressure against Caprine States.

"Stay tuned, that's all I've got to say," goalkeeper Horace Sandt said. His streak of 1,048 scoreless minutes snapped, but the streak seemed the farthest thing from his mind after the final whistle. Sarzonia and Commerce Heights refused to exchange jerseys after the match; in fact, the teams refused to even shake hands before or after the match.

"This is Xile times a thousand," Brian Wilson said.

FILON ARRESTED FOR MURDER

NMS coach busted for shooting keeper, entire starting defense after 4-0 loss to Taken Names

Public enthusiastic about Filon's response to the situation, calls for shooting midfield as well

NEW MONTREAL - The title says about all that can be said. This paper isn't even going to bother sending out reporters to matches anymore. I mean, after losing 4-0 to the one inactive new team in the group, why should we bother with the expense? We'll see you again in the Cup of Harmony.

Chicanadan Daily Rabbler
When a nation stops caring but just might have to again

Kodiaks Keep Squad, Somehow Win

As of yesterday the entire XXIV team was to be jetted off. Yet, they somehow won a stay of exectuion by running over Praying2God 3-1, snapping a five game losing streak in the process and bringing some sign of glee to fans still struggling to care about this joke of a qualifying run.

With their game against Cockbill Street moved to the Sounthampton City Grounds and their final match with Oaker shifted out to County Stadia, Goedi, the nation was all ready to move on but someone on the team decided to show up besides Olani Pjan: the defense. After playing some horrible matches in the their recent losses, the defense helped restore a slight glimmer of charm to the Kodiaks. In addition, Pjan and Jude Westinghouse got some goals in and the striker line finally looked capable in holding off a challenge and clinching a victory.

Group Standings
Group 6 Pl W D L F A Pts GD
Cockbill Street 12 8 3 1 28 12 27 +16
Oaker 12 7 3 2 23 15 24 +8
Hurfordia 12 4 5 3 15 18 17 -3
Chicanada 12 4 1 7 18 17 13 1
Limbrogidlia 12 3 4 5 13 17 13 -4
The South Packerlands 12 4 1 7 11 16 13 -5
Praying2God 12 3 4 5 13 20 13 -7
Nobbsinia 12 3 3 6 11 17 12 -6

What shocks almost all is that the win all of a sudden puts the Kodiaks back in the hunt for the playoffs slot with two matches remaining. Being down four points to Hurfodia and ahead of South Packerlands, Limbrogidla and P2G based on goal diff suddenly makes their final two matches important and means that, like last time, they have to get points and need their opponents to trip up somewhere. Their five-goal cushion on GD does help them if it comes down to that (as it almost did last tourney where a final day loss would have knocked the Kodiaks out by one goal to Druida) but which team will show: the one who went 2-0-6 to teams ranked 90th and below or the one who smacked down P2G and scared Cockbill and Oaker.

Of course, now they have to finalize a game and win it to snatch victory from the jaws of defeat that have been very present.

Alexandria Times-Post-Gazette-Chronicle-Journal-Enquierer

Sports Section

Milchama unveil new kits by thrashing System Karela

The Milchama Warriors despite being officially eliminated from competition for qualification for World Cup 24 showed heart and resilience today thrashing System Karela on the road 3-0. Coach Fairbanks said, "Well we're in the best form we have been in all of qualifying. If we can keep this form up we can do great things in the Cup of Harmony I gurantee it."
Match Report:
We got such a good response from using the announcers yesterday we decided to do it again. This time the reporter was lazy and only copied the transcript of the goals. Also just to help our international readers Milchamians usually use attackers first in formations.
24th minute.
System Karela playing their 0-0-10 formation again and Coach Fairbanks countering with his 10-0-0. Flinters, who seems much more comfortable playing forward, comes up looks around has the ball taken away from him but it goes to Timmons who puts the ball in for Faren and Faren's header IS IN!!!!! J.J. Faren scores on a beautiful header from a cross by Billy Timmons and its 1-0 to Milchama.
36th minute.
System Karela playing offensive now and looking for a tying goal. The karelans have 6 men over the half way line and their passing the ball nice and sound oh bad turnover there right to Mills Thompson and he sends it forward to Johnny Rintel who's running quickly trying to create the counter-attack. The Warriors have numbers now Rintel to Timmons to Copperlee to Floren to Thompson over to the other side to Milckey back to Timmons over to Tuck Feders who crosses the ball and MILLS THOMPSON JUMPS OVER EVERYBODY AND SCORES!!!!!!!!!! 2-0 to Milchama. A wonderful display of passing by the Warriors leads to an open field and a goal by Mills Thompson. The best goal I've seen them do the entire World Cup.
45th minute.
And its halftime. A 2-0 lead for the Warriors as they step into the dressing a wonderfully played first half.
74th minute.
Milchama still in possesion of the ball. That is how its been the entire game the Warriors with over 70% of the possesion. The karelans now fighting not to give up another goal after giving up two earlier goals. Last time their offense was really pretty good and now they come on the attack again striker Boris Karpa trying to score from about 40 yards out. Misses high and now Koolerc trying to get in on the action he's come up to just over the halfway what is he doing he's drawn the defense up oh here's a run from Flinters and a pass by Koolerc NOBODY IN FRONT OF FLINTERS HE'S ALL ALONE ONE ON ONE VS. THE KEEPER. and what's he doing he's passed it to Copperlee and Copperlee shoooots AND HE SCORES!!! 3-0 to Milchama.
Stoppage Time.
Flinters in the corner passes it to Copperlee. And that's the final whistle a wonderful performance by Milchama who have played their best soccer of qualifying the last 3 games. Who knows maybe they can do well in the Cup of Harmony espiecially...
Final Score
System Karela 0
Milchama 3 (Faren 24, Thompson 36, Copperlee 74)

http://www.geocities.com/lifeobrien/bull.txt

Thanks Willy...
...now FUCK OFF, pen-pusher

Not content with lumping Vilkaous off on holiday, getting the 'slaves beat by bottom-side Viszonia and failing to get three points from San-Lorenzo, F.A. president lead Audioslavia to an awful 3-1 defeat on their home turf.

In their hey-day, the 'slaves could go for over a decade without losing a home match. In the space of one year, the 'slaves have been spanked three times on the hallowed Soundgardian turf.

Quite why William Branstone took on the job himself is a mystery, but he proved that he is - beyond any shadow of a doubt - the worst man to take charge of any Audioslavia team ever. Yes, that includes Vilkaous, and even the twat who managed us in World Cup 5.

Bedistan's destruction of a feckless and spiritless Audioslavia was swift and easy, much to the distaste of the partizan 'slavian crowd. It took under two minutes for Bedistan to open the scoring. Moon and Roberts passed the ball around the defence with ease before Roberts let through Tony Orr to chip the ball past Gabe Celta. Orr made it two on eighteen minutes with a low strike from the edge of the box, before the 'slaves fate was sealed on the half-hour mark through a Vantrease header. Bedistan were indeed lucky not to get the chance to make it four when a penalty appeal was over-ruled by the referee, despite the cameras proving conclusively that Smashnov had pulled Orr to the floor as the striker raced towards a low cross from the right.

Branstone looked decidedly miffed as he trudged down the tunnel, but its doubtful whether he got the chance to shout at his players seeing as he didn't emerge out of the tunnel for the second half. No one is entirely sure why, but a players revolt is likely. Either way, it looked very much like substitute midfielder Jack Battle was calling the shots from the touchline.

The 'slaves did finally get a goal on seventy-six minutes after some admittedly decent play. Jeroen and McCosstessey combined well on the edge of the box with some quick passes before Jeroen, upon recieving the second pass from McCosstessey, dummied James Malone and sprinted into the box to shoot low past Tom Pratt.

Despite some good pressure and exciting play towards the end of the game, the 'slaves had too far to climb in too short a time and succumbed to yet another disappointing defeat.

Group 11 Pl W D L F A Pts GD
Bedistan 12 10 2 0 24 3 32 +21
Audioslavia 12 6 3 3 19 10 21 +9
Bettia 12 5 3 4 20 15 18 +5
Kurumada 12 4 3 5 10 15 15 -5
Kericia 12 3 5 4 16 22 14 -6
San-Lorenzo 12 3 4 5 14 17 13 -3
PopularFreedom 12 2 3 7 7 18 9 -10
Viszonia 12 2 1 9 10 23 7 -13

Its no secret that the 'slaves attachment to second place is entirely due to Bettia's apparent refusal to win games when it matters. Audioslavia's loss today was complimented by Bettia's inability to defend two leads over San Lorenzo, wheras recent matches have seen Audioslavia's dismal displays exactly matched by their Bettian counterparts, even in their 1-0 losses to the shittier teams of the group. Not that it matters too much, as neither Kericia, Kurumada, Popular Freedom or San Lorenzo can decide amongst themselves which one should challenge for a top-three spot. Kurumada had a crack for a couple of games, then Kericia tried it out, then Popular Freedom and San Lorenzo, but all it has got either of them is an outside chance of possibly having a look-in of maybe sneaking third.

What is arguably the biggest match of the qualifiers comes next as Audioslavia travel to Bettia in a huge six-pointer. An Audioslavia win woud see the 'slaves go through to WC24 (with Bettia having to fend off Kurumada for the playoff spot), while a Bettia win would pin both sides' hopes on a good performance in the last game. A draw would mean Bettia would have to get a big win, coupled with an Audioslavia defeat, for the Bettians to get automatic qualification.

IBJJ, G'NB

Oglethorpians deported from Hockey Canada
Svecians and Vilitans may follow.

Oglethorpians have been deported from Hockey Canada bringing some releif to Hockey Canadians. After Oglethorpia defeated Hockey Canada 2-1 yesterday in World Cup qualifying action, Oglethorpians trembled in fear as all people of their nationality were taken from their homes, marched hundreds of kilometres through the snow and sent adrift in an iceberg via another country. Their homes and possessions have been awarded to the fiercest Hockey Canada fans.

Hockey Canada didn't open their game in a good way as they saw Oglethorpia spring to an earle lead in the 11th minute when Anton Kremlov ran the ball deep into the Hockey Canadian half looking to cross the ball over to a running Coat MacHangar. The ball caught a wierd bit of wind as the flew up in the air getting by both MacHangar and Thomas who came out to challenge as the ball landed at Mel Memorable's feet. A simple tap of the ball into the net put Oglethorpia up 1-0.

The Canucks nearly evened the score in the 31st minute when Steve Vaughn, who is replacing an injured Mike Ko got behind the Oglethorpian defence to get a good attempt on the Oglethorpian net. Vaughn controlled the ball well to get in one-on-one against Oglethorpian keeper Hip Replac. Replac challenged Vaughn as they both collided 22 feet out of the net. Vaughn got up quickly but Replac stayed down. X-rays would later show Replac had broken his hip and forced to leave the game.

Al Duck ran out to replace Replac for the remainder of the game and didn't look much like a keeper with an inside-out keeper's jersey and garden gloves. The Canucks pressed hard at the Oglethorpian midfield and defence but couldn't get a shot away at the trembling Duck. Oglethorpian midfielders Luud van Mistletoe and Harry Falls did exceptional to keep the Hockey Canadian onslaught from getting to Duck but to no avail.

Halftime saw it's usual way in Hockey Canada- the odd streaker drunken on power, beer and tranquilizer fluid. The mascot- a naked drunk man in a birthday suit a little drunk. Not to mention the assistant mascot- looking much like the streaker and mascot only naked and NOT wearing a birthday suit.

Hockey Canada came out in the second half strong trying to get something on the board when Rahul Kulkarni was awarded a free kick 39 feet out from the Oglethorpian net. Normally for Kulkarni, the shot around the wall and bulging the twine. This time however, he chose to lob the ball at the net and hope for a Hockey Canadian head to hit the ball. Sure enough, the rarely-scoring John Cormack managed to break the Oglethorpian defence knocking down several players (Oglethorpian and Hockey Canadian alike) to get his head to ball and into the net.

The game was back and fourth until the 88th minute seeing Oglethorpia pressing hard on the Hockey Canadian defence. Hockey Canadian defenders started getting physical by injuring Oglethorpian players left, right and centre but whatever happened Oglethorpia just kept pouring players at Thomas. Finally, the defence broke like a New Orleans levy during Hurricane Katrina (In Real Life) giving Oglethorpia the lead and the win. Hockey Canada lost but at least they injured 7 Oglethorpian players for their next games against Vilita and Svecia.

Hockey Canada didn't benefit from this loss falling 6 points behind Oglethorpia for 3rd spot for the playoff round to try to qualify. Hockey Canada will play Svecia tomorrow and Vilita the day after that. If Hockey Canada wins both games and Oglethorpia loses both games Hockey Canada will get in due to goal differential. Anything else will be disasterous.

Hockey Canada wins 2 games, Oglethorpia loses 2 games= Hockey Canada qualifies.

Hockey Canada gets 6 points, Oglethorpia gets 0 points= Hockey Canada qualifies.

Hockey Canada gets less than 6 points, Oglethorpia gets 0 points= Oglethorpia qualifies over Hockey Canada.

Hockey Canada gets 6 points, Oglethorpia gets 1+ point(s)= Oglethorpia qualifies over Hockey Canada.

Hockey Canada gets 5 or less points, Oglethorpia gets 0 or 1+= Oglethorpia qualifies.

There you have it... Hockey Canada will need a nearly perfect final two games and Oglethorpia an awful final two games to qualify. It can happen. Anything can happen and anyone can win.

2005-08-29 - BREAKING NEWS

RIOT SQUAD GETS A WORKOUT AFTER SHARKS ELIMINATED FROM PLAYOFF CONTENTION IN WORLD CUP 24.
13 dead, hundreds injured in post game riots.

Locke Harbour, PopularFreedom - With their star striker home after his suspension for breaking the nose of another player, the Sharks took the field and battled to a 0-0 draw against San Lorenzo in World Cup play today.

Both teams were evenly matched however the Sharks rarely were able to get many good scoring opportunities during the game though midfielder Glen Owens rang one off the crossbar in injury time in the 2nd half.

When the final whistle went the fans, realizing their beloved Sharks were eliminated with the draw, flowed onto the field throwing projectiles while members of the riot squad quickly squared off against them.

Police estimate that at the peak of the riots over 50,000 fans were involved in varying degrees.

Police fought back with tear gas and rubber bullets spraying into the crowds.

In the city of Loyalty Bay, hometown of the North Beach Sharks, the situation was worse with furious Shark fans taking to the streets and setting fires to cars and buildings.

Police are still in the midsts of battling with rioters at the time of the publication of this article though the majority of the rioting has stopped. The city is still burning in some areas from fires set to buildings and cars by rioters. Many homes and businesses were destroyed including the homes of many of the starters on the Sharks.

We will keep you informed in relation to this breaking news story.





OOC: Love New Montreal States' news, lmao!!!

Location: International flight to Kurumada

Sharks coach Dennis Viltacore was sitting in his seat reading something on his laptop when goalie Peter Locart came over to talk on their flight to Kurumada.

Peter Locart: Hey coach, can't we get anymore funding like losing our charter is bad enough but they stuck us in coach section...

Dennis cut him off

Dennis Viltacore: Shut up! You lucky they not sticking you on a boat for the trip home though if you play bad enough I am sure they just might after the Viszonia game on Wednesday.

Peter Locart: That was crazy in the stands though, our fans are loyal but man they can be nuts sometimes. There were flares and everything when they started to riot...

Dennis just stared at Peter while he was complaining until Peter noticed it.

Peter Locart: what you gonna tell me that other teams have more insane fans?

Dennis just laughed and handed him his laptop showing the article he was reading (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=9542032&postcount=447) in regards to the murder of the four New Montreal States players by their coach.

Peter started to read then looked at Dennis with shock.

Peter Locart: This guy is nuts!

Dennis Viltacore: I agree, I think castration would have been far better.

Peter looked at Dennis in horror than slinked back to his seat for the rest of the flight.

OOC: Commerce Heights, with the name you picked for your footballing organisation it's easy to make the mistake Krytenia made with the acronym. Just wanted to point that out.
Yes, I know, which is why I usually specify it—it doesn’t really make any sense now, anyway, since no one plays USAnian football in CH anymore, but I’m too lazy to change it :)

The Aeropag Tribune—Now hiring for backup sports coverage!
World Cup: Confusion abounds, B-squad Capitalizts hold Sarzonia to draw
AVIDIA, KRYTENIA—After a week of tense negotiations between CEO Sparks and President Mike Sarzo of Sarzonia (our sources were unable to determine if an appropriate last name is a prerequisite to election), the match was finally played.
Unfortunately, the DK/KD commission (our programming consultants tell us we should throw them all in a d-k heap) wasn’t so kind as to tell anyone where. The Tribune’s reporters stayed home and set up the cameras at CDA National Stadium in New Seoul. Coach Paul Iñaki, unwilling to risk a vital match on such a minute detail as the venue, stayed with most of his A squad in New Seoul, and sent assistant coach Shu Gustafon with the B squad, and a few A players, to Avidia, Krytenia. Unfortunately for Iñaki, and us, the Sarzonia Stars decided to play at the neutral location.
Although our match coverage crew left as soon as the Stars were spotted in Avidia, they only managed to get to the stadium at the end of the first half, just in time to see keeper Davis Teel get hit by Sarzonian defender Mike Coyle, who received a red card. Early in the second half, Sarzonian forward Brian Wilson, who was apparently slightly out of position at the time, received a yellow card for pummeling Capitalizt forward Λεμονής Τριανταφυλλίδης, and was sent off when he tried to challenge the decision. The Capitalizts eventually grew tired of repeated Sarzonian infractions, and racked up two yellow cards of their own—Dave Christopher knocked down defender Trevor Crenshaw on his way to the goal, costing the Capitalizts a 1–0 lead, and defender Αντώνης Χρήστος tripped up Barry Alphonso two minutes before being taken off the field due to fatigue. The match finally saw some scoring in the 74th minute, when Brian Wilson gave the Stars a 1–0 lead. Even though they played like cowardly Karelans from that point on, trying to “defend” their lead, the Capitalizts’ desparation eventually led to José Albert breaking through, scoring an 88th-minute equalizer goal that snapped Sarzonian keeper Horace Sandt’s streak of 1 048 scoreless minutes. “We did the best we could, under the circumstances,” said Iñaki after the match. “At least during the half I saw.”

Commerce Heights 1 (Albert 88)
[1] Sarzonia 1 (Wilson 74)—FT

Early in the second half, Sarzonian forward Brian Wilson, who was apparently slightly out of position at the time, received a yellow card for pummeling Capitalizt forward Λεμονής Τριανταφυλλίδης, and was sent off when he tried to challenge the decision.

<snip>

The match finally saw some scoring in the 74th minute, when Brian Wilson gave the Stars a 1–0 lead.

Ryan put down the newspaper. "You know, I thought everything was on the straight and narrow, but maybe there really is some shoddy refereeing going on. The guy gets sent off and yet later manages to come back and score? I'm no CH sympathizer, but I think this explains why Sarzonia's been doing so well the last several years - they've been bribing the refs to bend the rules! Typical."

GROUP 10
Eauz 1 - 2 Rejistania
Spaam 2 - 1 Wella
Poppuli 1 - 0 Kaze Progressa
Jewish Citizens 0 - 3 The Archregimancy

THE ARCHREGIMANCY BRINGS YOU

WORLD CUP TONIGHT

The World Cup Wrap-Up Show with Fr. Nicholas the Scribe and Fr. John the Golden-Throated

"Welcome to another show - and another exciting victory in the Archregimancy's unexpected charge towards a play-off spot, Fr. John..."

"Amazing stuff, Fr. Nicholas. Before we go to the highlights, we should stress the importance of last night's results."

"Absolutely. With Wella and Kaze Progressa both losing, we're four points clear in third with only two home matches left. Win at home against Poppuli and we're through to the play-offs. Win either of our last two matches, for that matter, and we're through"

"Ah... but we're hardly safe, Fr. Nicholas. A draw against Poppuli coupled with a Progressan win against Jewish Citizens, and Kaze Progressa can still pip us if they beat us at the Dreamed Stadium. And - God forbid - if we lose both, Wella and Kaze Progressa can both overtake us. In fact, things are so tight, we could finish as low as sixth if Spaam show some unlikely form."

"There's everything to play for... let's go to the highlights"

--------------------------------

"... before the kick-off. The squad showing unusual reticence over their icon veneration today in order not to offend their Jewish hosts - this despite technical advisor Juan Tzimisces' pre-match pledge to 'get all Old-Testament on those Jewish Citizens'. And which Jewish Citizens will we be seeing today, for that matter? The squad that beat Eauz once and Spaam twice, or the defence that crumbles more easily than the walls of Jericho?"

"...easy so far. Fr. Polycarp the Venerable has been controlling the midfield with the strength and power of an unshorn Samson. He sends a long ball forward, it's trapped on the edge of the box by Fr. Nicholas the Hermit, who knocks it back to Fr. David the Water-Drinker - a LOVELY defence splitting pass! FR. SILOUAN!!!! HE MUST SCORE!!!! YES!!! FR. SILOUAN STROKES IT PAST THE HEBREW KEEPER! Some magnificent team play gives our brave lads the lead..."

"...as we reach the end of the first half, we've been cutting through the Hebrew defence more easily than Moses parted the Red Sea. Here's hoping we don't suffer the fate of Pharoah's army. Fr. Andrew the Twice-Found out on the wing. Sends it back to Fr. Michael the New Hermit. Who exchanges passes with Fr. Michael the Greater. Some patient building play here. Fr. Polycarp. Fr. David. Out right to an over-lapping Fr. Michael the Lesser. To Fr. Silouan on the edge of the area. Back to Fr. Polycarp. On to Fr. Nicholas the Hermit, who makes some space for himself, and... HE SCORES!!!! FR. NICHOLAS THE HERMIT!!! A TRADEMARK FR. NICHOLAS MIRACLE OUT OF NOTHING!!! THANKS BEEEEEE TOOOOOO GOD!!!!

"...which, as the Patriarch told me, should never be done with a hand-massager. And we continue to dominate here at the 50 minute mark. The Hebrews are dispirited and listless, a shadow of the team that beat Eauz - but this game has come like manna from heaven for our lads, a path to the Promised Land of the play-offs. Fr. Dmitri the Humble surges forward - and it's a measure of how easy this game has become that our silent central defender has the freedom to come forward like this. Forward to Fr. Polycarp. He skips past one, and another, and another. Swerves past a fourth. UNLEASHES A ROCKET!!!! AND THAT'S THREE!!! A TRINITY OF GOALS!!!! This is all too easy...."

-------------------------------

"And we could have scored five, but Coach Kyrill, Metropolitan of Solovetsky, decided to keep the score at three-nil in honour of the Holy Trinity. Fr. Nicholas?"

"I've been looking at the table, Fr. John, and by my calculations, there's four teams left in the play-off race:



Group 10 Pl W D L F A Pts GD
Rejistania 12 11 1 0 36 4 34 +32
Eauz 12 8 2 2 25 10 26 +15
The Archregimancy 12 5 3 4 15 19 18 -4
Wella 12 4 2 6 15 19 14 -4
Kaze Progressa 12 4 2 6 15 20 14 -5
Spaam 12 4 0 8 13 19 12 -6
Poppuli 12 3 2 8 10 16 11 -6
Jewish Citizens 12 3 0 9 11 32 9 -21


Poppuli and Jewish Citizens are definitely eliminated. They're more than six points behind us with only two to play. One win in the final two games sends us through even if we lose the other. Two draws will also be enough if Wella can't win both matches - though if they do, in this scenario they'll overtake us and the Progressans for the play-off spot. In fact even two losses might send us through if Wella lose one of their remaining matches and Kaze Progressa lose against Jewish Citizens - though I'm sure we'd rather not sneak in like that. Spaam, meanwhile need an unlikely miracle - a sad end to qualifying this time for a team that older Dreamed Realm residents who recall the days of Alasdair I Frosticus' participation might remember from the first four World Cups"

"So what you're trying to say, Fr. Nicholas, is that we're very much in the driving seat now. Our destiny is in our hands"

"And those of the Lord, Fr. John - and those of the Lord...."



____________________________________________________

(OOC @ The Archregimancy: The views expressed by walisana_wellan are not representative of myself or indeed many Progressans. It is simply a roleplay device - the idea that some Progressans consider a devout nation like The Archregimancy to be associated with fundamentalism.)

OOC: Don't worry - no offence taken! The Archregimancy is intended as a gentle affectionate satire on the more hard-core element of Orthodox monasticism. Which means, yes, that they can be fairly unbending in their beliefs. But I think you'll find their RL owner has enough of a sense of humour to appreciate RP comments at the team's expense.

TO: Editor, Aeropag Tribune, Commerce Heights
FR: Marshall Warzycha, KFA CEO, Krytenia
SJ: CMH-SRZ venue

For your information, the CHFF was informed several weeks in advance of the venue, and were given ample time to inform the national team and local media. If they have failed to do this, then unfortunately, it's their problem, not ours. We will not tolerate blatant mistruth in a supposedly reputable publication, and should this continue, then no journalist from your nation shall be permitted to so much as set a foot in our stadia during the World Cup (let's face it, both you and I now know qualification is a mere formality for your lot now).

Now let's hear no more of this silliness.

MW

http://i5.photobucket.com/albums/y197/Spruitland/sportsgazette.jpg


Wabbits fail to clinch third

Spruitland – Lethislavania: 1 – 2

In a sold out King Alfons Stadium, the Spruitland Wabbits were unable to secure the play-off spot. A late goal by team captain Frederic Juneau kept hope alive for the last seven-or-so minutes of the match, but the ball refused to hit the Lethislavanian net a second time.

So instead of being assured of third place, things could still get very dicey in Spruitland’s last two qualifying matches. The lead over Lethislavania has now been narrowed to three points, with both teams still to play the top two of the group.

“Could be a close call,” Cor Bensen says. “It’ll be a matter of losing less than three points less than Lethis. Though I’m sure there’s an easier way to put it than that.”

Both Shearer Heaven and New Montreal States are now officially and mathematically out of the running for third place, after painful defeats to Lox Land Island and Taken Names respectively. At least that will be one less worry for coach Cor Bensen, who still considered New Montreal to be Spruitland’s main competitor before tonight’s matches.

“Yeah well, guess I was wrong again. Not many of my predictions seem to be coming true these days. Maybe I’ll predict that we’re not gonna be able to hold on to third place. Doubt it’ll help, but we can use every little bit of luck we can get.”

One more thing has become certain this matchday: the Spruitland Wabbits will not be winning the Daily Druid’s Karelan Wooden Spoon twice in a row. Hockey Canada seems to the favorite for that award, with a string of teams one scoreless draw behind them. Spruitland is – we are happy to report – nowhere to be found in that table.

“That Spoon is nice, but one is enough, thank you very much,” Bensen says. “I don’t think the Hockey Canadians are gonna win it though. They’re not the winning type – that Under-21 World Cup thing a few years back was just a fluke. I think Bedistan is gonna finish strong and snatch that award right from under their noses.”

bsd
the bedistan sports digest

That was it?

That was the reaction from many Bedistani football fans after the World Cup 24 qualifying match against Audioslavia at the Soundgardia National Arena. Given the fierce rivalry between the two nations, along with the hard-fought 0-0 draw in Sonoma City, most expected to be treated to one of the most competitive matches they'd ever seen. Instead, an Audioslavia side seeming to lack leadership crumbled to an easy 3-1 defeat to Mike Davidson's Lions.

The Lions were prepared to face a 'slavian side led by Vilitan great Helmut Vilkaous, but Vilkaous had inexplicably been sent on vacation by Audioslavia FA head William Branstone a couple weeks earlier, and Branstone himself had taken over the managing position in Vilkaous' absence. Though Audioslavia is highly nationalistic, almost to the point of being xenophobic, the home-grown leadership had not seemed to be working very well, and it showed as a side possibly even more dispirited than the one in the first leg took to the pitch wearing the classic claret and green. The Lions, of course, had already done everything they needed to do, having successfully clinched a qualification berth with three matches to spare, but you know the Bedistani football spirit by now: it ain't over till it's over.

The crowd was shocked when the scoring was opened after 104 seconds by Tony Orr. Lloyd Roberts provided the pass up to the striker, who chipped it over the head of 'slavian keeper Gabe Celta for 1-0. Orr scored again in the 18th minute to give Bedistan a surprise 2-0 lead. "Sure, we had the better side," commented BSTV commentator and analyst Mike Green III after the game, "but I certainly didn't expect to see the Lions with a 2-0 lead that early." But it wouldn't even stop there, as Alejandro Vantrease's 30th-minute header from Gina Zamboni's throw-in found the back of the net to give Bedistan an unthinkable three-nil lead.

"Three-nil over Audioslavia? At halftime?!?" commented one fan at the halftime break. "I know we're constantly saying the 'slaves are crap and all, and of course they are, but they're not that crap..."

One notable absence for the second half was William Branstone, who did not accompany the Audioslavian players as they returned to the pitch. Granted, though, being down three-nil at halftime to someone who's not Squornshelous is certainly not a normal state of affairs for an Audioslavia national team, so it can be assumed that the players were not exactly happy with Branstone's performance. The second half was decidedly better for the home side, as the Lions wouldn't be able to score again and Taurxa Jeroen actually managed to reduce the deficit to two a quarter hour from time, scoring only the third goal against Bedistan in the entirety of qualifying. Still, though, not a very happy result for Audioslavia, a 3-1 loss at home.

The win gives Bedistan an eleven-point lead at the top of Group 11. Yes, you read that right: an eleven-point lead. This is unprecedented in Bedistan World Cup qualifying history. Typically when the Lions have managed to hold the lead it has been by no more than a couple of points, but this is nothing short of domination. Not only are the Lions now guaranteed to win the group, they are guaranteed to win it by at least five points. The battle is now between Audioslavia and Bettia, as in all likelihood one of those will get second place and the other third. Kurumada, Kericia, and San-Lorenzo are all still technically in contention for third, but we at the BSD don't think it's likely that they'll make it. Audioslavia and Bettia play each other next matchday in what is pretty much a must-win for the latter to have any hope of automatic qualification.

finalscore
Bedistan 3 (Orr 2, 18; Vantrease 30)
Audioslavia 1 (Jeroen 76)

Sweet Revenge

Squornshelous returns the favor by shutting out EL CID THE HERO
The Pschychoes pulled within two points of the Group 9 leaders, with Nedalia another two points behind them. At this point, the race for the two autoqualifying spots is wide open, with all three teams capable of taking any of the top three positions. The only battle is for those top two spots though, since Oliverry and Groba trail well behind the frontrunners with just 15 points each. EL CID THE HERO and Squornshelous have a slight edge, with more points than Nedalia, and each also will have a slightly easier match against Oliverry, while Nedalia must play both Squornshelous and EL CID THE HERO. Considering that the Lions need wins and some help to make the top two, they probably won't make it, going instead to the playoff. The cruicial match here is matchday 14's Nedalia vs. Squornshelous. Played on the Lions' home field, it will be a tough one for the Pschychoes to pull off.

Final Score:
Squornshelous 2-0 EL CID THE HERO

Group 9 Standings after Matchday 12:

Group 9 Pl W D L F A Pts GD
EL CID THE HERO 12 9 2 1 29 8 29 +21
Squornshelous 12 8 3 1 19 6 27 +13
Nedalia 12 8 1 3 21 12 25 +9
Groba 12 4 3 5 16 20 15 -4
Oliverry 12 5 0 7 14 20 15 -6
Tonissia 12 4 2 6 9 21 14 -12
Palixia 12 3 0 10 14 20 9 -6
Trianland 12 1 1 10 7 22 4 -15



Squornshelous' Qualifying Schedule:
wins draws losses
Matchday 1: Squornshelous 2-0 Tonissia
Matchday 2: Trianland 0-1 Squornshelous
Matchday 3: Squornshelous 2-0 Palixia
Matchday 4: Groba 0-0 Squornshelous
Matchday 5: Squornshelous 0-2 EL CID THE HERO
Matchday 6: Squornshelous 3-1 Oliverry
Matchday 7: Squornshelous 2-0 Nedalia
Matchday 8: Tonissia 1-1 Squornshelous
Matchday 9: Squornshelous 4-1 Trianland
Matchday 10: Palixia 1-2 Squornshelous
Matchday 11: Squornshelous 0-0 Groba
Matchday 12: EL CID THE HERO 0-2 Squornshelous
Matchday 13: Oliverry v Squornshelous
Matchday 14: Nedalia v Squornshelous[/QUOTE]

1 More Point Added

San-Lorenzo fought to a 0-0 draw with PopularFreedom, their first time finishing with that result. This left them in 6th place in the group with 13 points. 1 point behind Kericia and 2 points behind Kurumada. The last two matches for the Lions are the easiest two, against Viszonia and Kurumada. Earlier in qualifying, San-Lorenzo beat Viszonia 2-1 and lost to Kurumada 1-2. If we can win both of these matches, especially the one against Kurumada, we should have an excellent chance of finishing in fourth place in the group, since Kericia have matches against much more difficult teams, and a win over Kurumada would put us ahead of them. However, all this hinges on San-Lorenzo beating Kurumada, and it will probably be nescecary to beat Viszonia too.

Once again, the table provided for group 11 is incorrect.
I would like to bring the attention of our hosts to this so that they can make corrections. Although San-Lorenzo has little or no chance of qualifying, a few points one way or the other will greatly affect our KPB ranking.

Group 11 Pl W D L F A Pts GD
Bedistan 12 10 2 0 24 3 32 +21
Audioslavia 12 6 3 3 19 10 21 +9
Bettia 12 5 3 4 20 15 18 +5
Kurumada 12 4 3 5 10 15 15 -5
Kericia 12 3 5 4 16 22 14 -6
San-Lorenzo 12 3 4 5 14 17 13 -3
PopularFreedom 12 2 3 7 7 18 9 -10
Viszonia 12 3 1 9 10 23 7 -12

Group 6: Cockbill Street and Oaker have locked up the top two. However, unlike Group 3, all six remaining teams have a shot at third place. If watching a battle for the consolation prize thrills you, watch this group. Otherwise, skip it before yawn.

Group 9: Possibly the most boring group: there are five nations without a chance, the remaining three offering no more thrills than the question of the exact order they'll finish in. Only EL CID THE HERO, Squornshelous, and Nedalia are still in contension here.

Group 10: This fits somewhere between Group 3 and Group 6. Rejistania and Eauz have the top two between them. The third will go to one of four nations: The Archregimancy, Wella, Kaze Progressa, and Spaam. Not interesting, unless you need a football fix.


D'you see this, Fr. Michael?

What is it, Fr. Athanasius?

Some ordinary physical reality nation called Ruventsoria with opinions on which World Cup groups are the most exciting.

Oooooh. Does he pick groups 6 and 10, where there are desperately close battles for the third place playoff spots involving up to six different nations? Battles that could well go down to the final, electrifying match of the season?

No.

Why not?

Well, seems he seems to think that "watching a battle for the consolation prize" of the play-off spot is, umm, "boring".

BORING? When Group 6 has six nations desperately fighting it out for the chance to qualify for the greatest sporting tournament in Nationstates? BORING? When unranked and unheralded teams are in with the chance of the upset of a lifetime in Group 10? BORING? When even - what does he call it - 'possibly the most boring group' - Group 9 has three established teams trying to avoid the embarrassment of failing to qualify directly and then possibly facing a rank outsider in the play-offs? This is thrilling, pulse-pounding stuff!

Yeah, well, maybe he just doesn't appreciate just how nerve-shredding this is. Tell you what, let's go and get tickets to the Poppuli match after we finish painting these icons...

THE BUREAUCRATIC TRIBUNE
we're so busy we can't even compensate lack of content with a fancy heading since 1603

OGLETHORPIA DEFEATS HOCKEY CANADA!

SOMEWHERE (BT) -- The Ostriches' matchday twelve bout with Hockey Canada ended with their two-one victory -- but with interest at an all time low and understanding of the Cup at a comparable level, Oglethorpians are quick to give out easy explanations.

"Well, it's very obvious," said Torrence Black. "Since we're playing football, it only makes sense we'd fare well against a nation named 'Hockey Canada.' What a foolish question! I'd further chastise you, but I imagine my fabricated quote in this fake newspaper should be over right about now."

That said, Oglethorpia is doing well even against national sides that come from nations without the noun 'Hockey' in their names, sitting in third with 20 points. However most of that goes over the heads of Ostriches fans -- even the national side itself.

"Well, I guess we're third, but there's this crazy table with the top two spots colored green," explained striker Anton Kremlov. "So maybe we'll qualify, and maybe we won't -- I don't know, when things are all finished on matchday two-hundred or so we'll know."

With two matchdays left, it remains to be seen to what extent the Oglethorpians will grasp the proceedings of World Cup Twenty-Four -- even after qualifying is all said and done -- us included. Look forward to the next vague and decidedly non-halarious report following the conclusion of qualifying.

Tadjikistan Qualified
Tigers beat TnUI, take over first place.

A full Stadium watched as the Tigers appeared for one of the most crucial matches of these qualifications, the home match against Total n Utter Insanity. A side from which they lost their only match in the qualifications with staggering a 3-0. And thus the Sadirov brothers had some reason to be worried.

The Tigers themselves however, were not worried at all, they even felt quite good and it showed. In what was an enjoying match they fought for every opportunity they could get, knowing TnUI was not giving anything away. As this match was important for them aswell, their leading position was at stake.It were the Tigers who eventually won the duel when Tanai scored in the 71th minute, followed by some good moves and bitter defense.

Now with ten points between them and third place Spruitland, their spot on the World Cup has been assured, aswell as that of Totyal n Utter Insanity since Spruitland lost its match against Lethislavania. The team on the fourth place and still in the running for qualification.

But Lethislavania will be in for a though match now against the Tadjiks, since Rezvon Sadirov said that 'The Tadjiks could do Spruitland a favour now and beat these Lethislavanians, Offcourse they'd have to win their own match then. And that last qualification-match here in Dushanbe could be more of a friendly game then, where everyone can celebrate even if they lose.'

Fixtures:
MD1: Tadjikistan - New Montreal States W 3-1
MD2: Shearer Heaven - Tadjikistan D 0-0
MD3: Tadjikistan - Taken Names W 2-0
MD4: Lox land Island - Tadjikistan D 1-1
MD5: Total n Utter Insanity - Tadjikistan L 3-0
MD6: Tadjikistan - Lethislavania W 1-0
MD7: Spruitland - Tadjikistan W 1-2
MD8: New Montreal States - Tadjikistan W 1-4
MD9: Tadjikistan - Shearer Heaven W 2-1
MD10:Taken Names - Tadjikistan W 0-1
MD11:Tadjikistan - Lox Land Island W 4-3
MD12:Tadjikistan - Total n Utter Insanity W 1-0
MD13:Lethislavania - Tadjikistan
MD14:Tadjikistan - Spruitland

GROUP 3
Tadjikistan 1 - 0 Total n Utter Insanity
Spruitland 1 - 2 Lethislavania
Shearer Heaven 1 - 2 Lox Land Island
Taken Names 4 - 0 New Montreal States



Group 3 Pl W D L F A Pts GD
Tadjikistan 12 9 2 1 21 11 29 +10
Total n Utter Insanity 12 8 3 1 24 8 27 +16
Spruitland 12 6 1 5 21 19 19 +2
Lethislavania 12 4 4 4 15 16 16 -1
Lox Land Island 12 3 2 7 15 22 11 -7
New Montreal States 12 2 5 5 11 22 11 -11
Taken Names 12 3 1 8 12 16 10 -4
Shearer Heaven 12 2 4 6 14 19 10 -5

Tuesday 30th August 2005
Dear diary...

Blimey, talk about going from the sublime to the ridiculous to the largly mediocre to the hugely on-edge. Mind you, things have been rather hectic, which would probably explain the lack of diary entries lately.

First we sailed past Viszonia in rather in rather barely-broke-into-a-sweat fashion. Mind you, you'd expect nothing less when you're at home to a team of Viszonia's, ahem, calibre.

So far so good you might think. Wrong, cos then we got beaten by San-Lorenzo, no thanks to the referee. Things were going so well at the start - I had a shot turned off the goal-line and Judson hit the post early on. And then it all starts to unravel. We had a corner which Brooksy floats rather deftly into the goal area. John Harding, being the lanky bastard that he is leaps up amoungst the crowd of player and plants a header firmly into the back of the net.

So there we are celebrating our deserved goal, only to find out the ref's disallowed it because their keeper was supposedly obstructed. What a joke, an absolute joke. And it didn't stop there. Oh no. Just a few minutes after half-time, Conni springs the offside trap with a ball chipped over the defence, and Judson's raced onto it and blasted it past the keeper to make it 1-0.

Goal!

Erm, no. The blind twat with the flag (AKA the linesman) had rather belatedly put his flag up for an offside decision which virtually everyone in the stadium could see was wrong.

Well, these two setbacks hit us hard and the home team went and scored just after that thanks to a luckily deflected shot. 1-0 to the Lions, and thats how it stayed. I blame the referee - perhaps he was paid to give those decisions against us, or perhaps he was just crap. Either way, he screwed us big time.

So then we come back to Bettia to face a team you'd bet your house on us beating (of course, gambling is illegal in Bettia, its just too evil), namely Kurumada who we'd already defeated away. Trouble is we put in a rather poor display and never really got into it, and Kurumada (led by a dictator in goal with a rather red nose) scored just before half-time. Thankfully we hit back straight from the kick-off, thanks to an exquisite charging run from Judson York which saw him ghost through the entire defence.

And so we went into a very tricky game away to Kericia needing a good performace to pull us out of the deep and mirky. The first half was definately one to forget as far as we're concerned, and we went into the half-time brek two goals down. I was particularly frustrated and I thought to myself "Sod it, it's all of nothing". I guess a few of the guys were thinking along the same lines because we clawed one back after a minute of the restart, courtesy of a thirty-yard screamer from the right boot of yours truly.

Well that was just the shot in the arm we needed, and we played with a confidence which hadn't been seen in a long time. Soon the shots started raining in on the home goal, but nothing would go in. Nothing, that is, until the second minute of injury time, when Swain hit a long diagonal cross into the area which I managed to beat the keeper and two defenders to. One dinked volley later, and we're tied at two goals apiece.

So this rather indifferent run of form has left us three points off second place with two games to go.

The good news is both our remaining games are at home, and at stadiums (or is it stadia?) where we always seem to raise our game, namely the Al-Fath in Sukatra (AKA the Cauldron of Noise) and the ever-impressive Stadiwm (with a W) Bettia.

The bad news is we're playing Audioslavia and Bedistan, and because of the goal difference situation we need to get at least four points from these two to have any chance of automatic qualification. Of course, two points would guarantee us third place providing San-Lorenzo and/or Kurumada both fail to win their remaining games. They're playing each other on the last day, so that might help.

Kericia are away to Audioslavia on the last day, so that leaves us with a dilemma... do we want Kericia to win to give us a faint glimmer of hope in finishing second, or do we want the Bulls to do us a favour to beating one of the teams below us? I guess it all depends on how today's game goes.

And to make things worse, things are so tight behind us that we could theoretically finish in fifth place. Oh, this whole scenario's giving me a headache. When I saw the tables and tried to work the mathematics out it got me rather stressed out. Surely we can't fail to qualify again, surely.

Silli saw how stressed I was and tried to cheer me up by sending me five emails, each with two really bad jokes in them. She said they would all make me laugh...

She was wrong. No pun in ten did.


Bettia 3 (York 36, Hunter 54, Hutton 90)
Viszonia 0

San-Lorenzo 1 (Patel 67)
Bettia 0

Bettia 1 (York 43)
Kurumada 1 (Nakamiya 42)

Kericia 2 (Mystery Blokes 23 44)
Bettia 2 (Hutton 46 91)


MD1: Bettia 1-1 PopularFreedom (The Gasworks, Gabalfa)
MD2: Viszonia 1-3 Bettia
MD3: Bettia 4-0 San-Lorenzo (Shubunkin Park, Akani Sands)
MD4: Kurumada 0-1 Bettia
MD5: Bettia 3-1 Kericia (The Stamping Ground, Lorshill)
MD6: Audioslavia 2-0 Bettia
MD7: Bedistan 3-1 Bettia (South Coast Arena, Hendersonburg)
MD8: PopularFreedom 2-2 Bettia
MD9: Bettia 3-0 Viszonia (The Campus Ground, Grappenhall)
MD10: San-Lorenzo 1-0 Bettia
MD11: Bettia 1-1 Kurumada (Thamitra Gate, Tamrida)
MD12: Kericia 2-2 Bettia
MD13: Bettia vs Audioslavia (Al-Fath Stadium, Sukatra)
MD14: Bettia vs Bedistan (Stadiwm Bettia, Gabalfa)

Bye Bye Guy


Yet another home defeat proved the final straw for Hypocrian FA chief Alex Scott who announced shortly after the 1 - 0 loss to Haperd that veteran national coach Guylain N’Dumbu-Nsungu’s contract has been terminated with immediate effect. The coach’s position had become increasingly precarious as a campaign that many believed could end with a first World Cup finals place has become little short of a disaster. In fact the defeat to Haperd means that Hypocria are the first team from Group 7 to be eliminated from the qualification hunt and also sees the 54th ranked Hyppos drop to the foot of the group table, below teams ranked in the 160s and 170s.


Group 7 Pl W D L F A Pts GD
Crystilakere 12 10 1 1 29 5 31 +24
Jeruselem 12 6 2 4 20 11 20 +9
Southern Manchester 12 5 2 5 12 17 17 -5
Haperd 12 4 3 5 17 18 15 -1
Ruventsoria 12 3 6 3 16 18 15 -2
Klakistany 12 3 3 6 13 18 12 -5
0-0 Is Evil 12 2 5 5 11 23 11 -12
Hypocria 12 2 4 6 9 17 10 -8


“We thank Guylain for the work he has done for us”, Scott said. “But are recent performances have been unacceptable and something had to be done. We are now actively looking for a new coach and hope to have someone in place before the AOCAF tournament after the qualifiers. Guylain‘s assitants Gregory Vidal and Michael De Winter will be placed in caretaker charge for the final two qualifying games.”

After 44 matches Hypocria have parted company with their coach and , with some irritating music in the background, we can take a look at the highs and lows of Guylain’s 6 years in charge.

Baptism of Fire (Pre-World Cup 23)

Despite an uninspiring first game in charge, a 1 - 0 defeat to Kericia, Guylain had his team well drilled for the BoF and the Hyppos played well before losing a tight semi final to local rivals Spruitland. An extra time win over Vtorbetin ensured a third place position for Hypocria.

World Cup 23 Qualifying

An excellent start saw the Hyppos take all the points from their game in Chicanada but after that the results were mixed. Comfortable performances against the lower ranked teams, which included the 5 - 0 rout of Kajiztahn, coupled with defeats to the likes of then World Champions Sarzonia and eventual World Cup finalists Druida resulted in a solid, if unspectacular, fifth place finish in the group. The FA were impressed enough to offer the coach a new contract.

AOCAF IX

The tournament that he will be remember most fondly for as Guylain masterminded the Hyppo’s excellent run that saw them beat the likes of Fmjphoenix, Turori and the coach’s native Starblaydia to secure a place in the final before narrowly losing out to Vilita.

Harlesburg to take third?
Harlesburg 2 Finrod 1

For the second time in as many games between these two nations Harlesburg bet Finrod 2-1 in another thrilling match that went down to the wire.

With two matches to play and both Harlesburg and Finrod set to play the two leaders Fmjphoenix and Starblaydia once each and a 4 point gap between the two nations Finrod must win at least 1 match and draw the other to get on level pegging with Harlesburg but then one must look at the goals scored side of the equation and again Harlesburg holds all the Trump cards as well as beating Finrod twice so Finrod should need to win both matches and convincingly to halt Harlesburg while this may seem impossible if it was to be achieved Harlesburg could be in hope of taking two draws out of the next two matches to once again level up the competition points.


Harlesburg Scorers
Leroy Brown 25th
Sallasan 54th

Jeruselem Government News

Jeruselem lose again, but it was the Crystils

Big game - Jeruselem vs Crystilakere on MD12, World Cup XXIV. Jeruselem had beaten them 1-0 earlier, but this time the result was reversed. The Crystils eclipsed Jeruselem 2-1 who put a stop to the Crystils recent run of trashings of other teams. The scoreline reflected the nature of the game with both teams not going all out attack due to their wariness of each other's counterattack capabilities.

Haperd made Hypocria's life rather impossible with 1-0 win. Haperd moved to 4th but Hypocria crashed to last place again. Haperd are only 2 points behind 3rd now!

Ruventsoria should have beated that 0-0 team and of course didn't as usual when Jeruselem loses. The score was little better than 0-0, that is 1-1. Despite the point they fall back to 5th but are still in the running.

Southern Manchester beat the hapless Klakistany 2-1 and jumped back into 3rd spot - 3 points behind Jeruselem. Not the best of wins against a team you couldn't predict well.

Realistically the bottom 3 aren't much of chance to make the top 3 but the next 3 are. As for who it will be, we can't say as those teams are rather hard to pick if they aren't playing the Crystils (who have lost one game in total). Two days left and it's all to play for. DO OR DIE (go home).

GROUP 7
Jeruselem 1 - 2 Crystilakere
Hypocria 0 - 1 Haperd
0-0 Is Evil 1 - 1 Ruventsoria
Southern Manchester 2 - 1 Klakistany


Group 7 Pl W D L F A Pts GD
Crystilakere 12 10 1 1 29 5 31 +24
Jeruselem 12 6 2 4 20 11 20 +9
Southern Manchester 12 5 2 5 12 17 17 -5
Haperd 12 4 3 5 17 18 15 -1
Ruventsoria 12 3 6 3 16 18 15 -2
Klakistany 12 3 3 6 13 18 12 -5
0-0 Is Evil 12 2 5 5 11 23 11 -12
Hypocria 12 2 4 6 9 17 10 -8

National Coach Vacancy



Feel you have what it takes to coach at the highest level?

Have a point to prove to former employers?

Tired of losing those international matches on Championship Manager when you could be losing them for real?

Want national newspapers to compare you to a vegetable?

Want to get paid a lot for doing very little?

Then this job could be for you.



The Hypocria Football Association are officially opening the vacant national coach position to foreign applicants and can offer :-

- A six figure annual salary
- A house in the capital, Hypocrium
- A car and driver
- An unlimited supply of blue Hypocria FA ties for the duration of your
employment

Football is by far the most popular sport in Hypocria with international matches regularly topping the television ratings. The domestic league is long established and two years ago was revamped to bring it up to standard with other leagues around the world, forming the Hyper League. Hypocria also has an excellent youth program with the national Under-21 side currently ranked second in the world. What we need is someone who can draw these things together and meld our senior side into a team capable of competing with the best in the world consistently. Are you that someone?

Applications can be telegrammed to the HFA headquarters in Hypocrium. Previous international coaching experience is preferable but not essential. Applicants are asked to include a brief résumé with their application.

Conures Edge Closer to Play Offs

Hurfordia took a massive step towards the play-offs today, beating close rivals The South Packerlands 1-0.

The match started brightly, with Hurfordia taking a 12th minute lead through Cornelius Sulla. Taking control on the edge of a crowded area, he shot hard and low, and the ball somehow evaded the forest of legs and snuck in to the near corner. The rest of the half saw Hurfordia push forward, and Stimpson even had the ball in the net in the 40th minute, heading in from a corner. The referee, however, had other ideas, disallowing the goal for a foul before the kick was taken. This prompted a flurry of protest from the Hurfordian players, who surrounded the referee. The disgraceful scene ended with Sulla, Stimpson and Horvath being shown yellow cards.

The second half started with the Packerlanders going on the attack. Almost straight from the kick off the Hurfordia defence was caught in two minds by a beautifully weighted pass, but the resulting shot was sliced wide from close range.

The key moments came after 70 minutes. Denning had already been taken off for an injury sustained in a tackle, and both sides were starting to tackle a bit too agressively. After 70 minutes, Stimpson flew in on a Packerland midfielder, taking his legs from under him. The referee reached into his pocket and produced a yellow card, Stimpson's second. He was dismissed, and will miss the next two matches.

At that point, Hurfordia retreated into defence as the South Packerlands pushed forwards. Desperate defending an brave goalkeeping kept the lead, until the 88th minute, when a clumsy challenge by Woods resulted in a penalty. The Packerland player struck a good low shot, but Sedley guessed right, and parried it for the win.

With Cockbill Street and Oaker already assured of qualification, the play-off place is the best that other teams can hope for. Hurfordia hold the cards at the moment, with a 4 point adavantage, but all the other teams are looking for them to slip up.

Team; Sedley; O'Halloran, Johnston, Horvath, Woods; Lebrun, Denning (Dawkins 56'), Sulla; Holsworthy, Sargeant (Rawling 75'), Stimpson

Scorer; Sulla 12'

Sent off; Stimpson

8-Goal Thriller Puts Starblaydia On Top
Tumunzahar two short of record campaign tally

Starblaydia opened up a three-point lead in Group Four with just two games left to play last night as they came out on top in a goal-fest at Fmjphoenix's premier stadium. Starblaydia both scored five and conceeded three goals for the first time since a 5-0 victory over Rittarstan and a 3-3 draw with Chicananda in the Qualifiers for World Cup 21 some twelve years ago.

Zhorin Tumunzahar's first half double moved him onto ten goals in eleven appearances, just one short of the joint-record held by Nikola Lazerevski and Simeone Di Bradini who both scored 11 goals in their finest World Cup campaigns - World Cups 15 and 17 respectively. Surely this gold-booted Dwarf is one of the greatest strikers in the world today, as his performances in the Vilitan League and for Starblaydia have proven just how good he is. One thing he's missing, however, is a hat-trick. He's bagged two hat-tricks for the Under-21s, as well as netting a pair of goals for the senior side on five seperate occasions. Can World Cup 24, now that Starblaydia are assured Qualification, see a Tumunzahar hat-trick?

Final Score from Viking Stadium:
Fmjphoenix 3 - 5 Starblaydia
(McAlister 43, Nolan 47 + 68) - (Cuevo 8, Tumunzahar 21 + 36, Buathiang 62, Macia 85)


Group 4 Pl W D L GF GA Pts GD
Starblaydia 12 9 3 0 28 9 30 +19
Fmjphoenix 12 8 3 1 26 15 27 +11
Harlesburg 12 6 3 3 23 12 21 +11
Finrods 12 5 2 5 16 18 17 -2
Tallionis 12 4 1 7 12 20 13 -10
Prince Aidan 12 3 4 5 12 20 13 -8
Naleloospalakintula 12 2 2 8 7 21 8 -14
Geisenfried 12 0 4 8 13 24 4 -11

*theme song*

Announcer: Today at SportsNews...

- The Marshalliston Capitals from the Oliverrian Hockey League signs another player

- Oliverry gets, err... owned in the World Cup of Soccer while

- Limbrogidlia is still in the race

- OSA's president reacts at the loss

- All that and many more things at SportsNews

Jim Taylor: Hi everyone. Welcome to SportsNews. Tonight, we start with a big announcement: the...


12 minutes later...

JT: Ok. Now, it's time for the summary of MD12 of qualifyings in World Cup 24.

*theme song again*

JT: Hi Justin Leboeuf

Justin Leboeuf: Hi Jim

JT: How was Matchday 12 in the World cup of soccer?

JL: Ok. Let's start with Group 9, where Oliverry was playing against Nedalia, another nation from Atlantian Oceania. Let's take a look at the 26th minute.
Tim James gets the ball from a mistake done by Louis Dube and scores. The score is 1-0. At the 68th minute, James doubles the score and it's 2-0.

That's how it will finish. Oliverry is now eliminated from the World Cup 24. We took some comments about that:

Jean Soqueure: Go away, fucking motherfucker. I have the right to be drunk. *falls on the ground*

Jean-Alan Bellemort: Yeah, we lost, but what could I do? I've done my best and that's all. Let's retry next cup.

Jean St-Leon: Well, the team has done a good job so far, but we lost.

JT: It was very optimistic eh?

JL: Yeah... Well, we'll surely see them in the Cup of Harmony. In Group 9, the 3 firsts team are assured to finish 1st, 2nd or 3rd. Now, let's go in Group 6 where...

The following will be available in Limbrogidlia's RP

Ryan put down the newspaper. "You know, I thought everything was on the straight and narrow, but maybe there really is some shoddy refereeing going on. The guy gets sent off and yet later manages to come back and score? I'm no CH sympathizer, but I think this explains why Sarzonia's been doing so well the last several years - they've been bribing the refs to bend the rules! Typical."
OOC: Yes, just a slight error there… http://terranordalis.thirdgeek.com/images/smiles/icon_wink.gif

The Aeropag Tribune—Dispelling the myths that shape evil nations
World Cup: Sarzonia accused of cheating
BEDISTAN—An anonymous informant from the Grand Dominion of Bedistan discovered a very peculiar incident in yesterday’s World Cup qualifier between Sarzonia and Commerce Heights. Brian Wilson, a Sarzonian forward, was sent off in the 56th minute, but managed to score in the 74th—the scorer is not mentioned in the Sarzonian account, perhaps to cover up the truth. What continues to baffle the experts is that neither the Tribune staff, nor almost all of our readers, managed to catch this obvious inconsistency. “Our leading theory is that Sarzonia has everyone, including the ref, under some kind of mind control,” said one scientist, who chose to remain anonymous. Sarzonia has not yet responded to the incident, but we expect them to claim that this cheating is simply an error in our report.


From: Hugh Fairall, Editor, The Aeropag Tribune
To: Marshall Warzycha, CEO, Krytenian Football Association
It is you who are defending a “blatant mistruth.” Printed below is a copy of the message the CHFF received:
To: IFF (Sarzonia), CHFSF (Commerce Heights)
From: Marshall Warzycha, KFA Chairman
CC: Trevor Belmore, DK/KD Committee Chairman
Subject: SRZ v CMH match

The KFA, as World Cup co-organisers, have decided to allow the match to take place at a neutral venue, specifically City Park in the Krytenian cit of Avidia. The match will be played behind closed doors to avoid potential supporter tension.

We also hope that both nations settle their differences in a diplomatic solution.
As you can see, the CHFF was informed that the KFA would “allow” the match to take place at a neutral venue in the “cit” of Avidia. The CHFF was never notified that the match would take place at a venue other than that previously arranged, but since nothing was never confirmed by your organization, the Capitalizts were forced to show up in both New Seoul and Avidia. If you sustain this attempt to spread these blatant mistruths, I will publish everything and expose the KFA for the corrupt organization that it is.
Have a nice day!

Bipedal Times
Trans-border newspaper of the RBA

Two-Footers finish ‘Cup qualifiers 7-1-6
May yet qualify; Tribuana’s return triumphant

by Bonga

Bananaville—Four years ago, RBA entry to World Cup qualifiers finished distant fourth on strong 4-5-4 record. Ms. Throckspartle’s squad managed to better that by recording winning record this time ‘round, finishing out qualifiers with win over Liamist States last night to go 7-1-6, with only blowout losses to Liverpool England and Lovisa remaining on schedule.

At midpoint of qualifying Two-Footers were at 5-0-2, solidly in third place and five points in front of 33rd-ranked Liamist States. However, difficult second leg has resulted in 2-1-4 record, resting qualification hopes on Liamist States failing to win either of final two matches. With RBA currently three points ahead of Liamist States in group table but trailing significantly on goal differential—and scheduled to subtract another 6-8 goals from GD with massive losses to LE and Lovisa—one win by LS would seal Two-Footers’ fate.

It is not known yet by how much Two-Footers will lose final two matches, but combined score of LE and Lovisa matches first time ‘round was 7-1. Ms. Throckspartle has suggested keeper Spotrockle (back at starting position) will probably surrender at least five per match this time. “If strikers can muster a couple goals per match, we probably lose five-two, six-two. But could be as bad as seven-nil. Look for lots of crap-out on our part.”

Still, possibility of RBA qualifying not too remote. Liamist States lost matches to Lovisa and LE in first leg, and look set to lose again. Chance of Two-Footers squiggling into finals on current 22 points not too bad. Bipedaleen oddsmakers think Mau Slurp would give no better than 2:1.

In most recent match, Tribuana kicked anti-maleinists right in ass by scoring two goals to lift Two-Footers over Marmadukes 2-1. Ms. Throckspartle said his performance was “adequate” and that he would be allowed to remain on squad for final two matches if he does not cause another panic before LE match. Tribuana uncharacteristically responded to reporters’ questions after game, saying he was “glad RBACFA gave [him] another opportunity to prove [himself] on pitch.” Ms. Throckspartle looked set to smack him on head for uppity statement, but refrained from doing so in front of cameras.

Final Score:
Republic of Bipedal Apes 2 (Tribuana 38, 65)
Liamist States 1

CasariONENews

Casari Rather Hopeless
Stupid fluke loss to Nanakaland makes qualifying seem totally hopeless

Somehow, an unpredictible 5-0 loss to Nanakaland doomed the Casari Team to non-qualifying after keeping hope alive for so long.

"This was a very unplesant shock, to be sure." Manager Hill said, glaring at the players in attendance. "We would have expected a neighborhood youth team to put up a better result than this. It's unexcuseable, and I feel obligated to apologise for this loss."

As of yesterday, Casari still had a minor hope of making it into the finals, remaining 2 points behind until the game with Nanakaland.

"It was just a disaster."

Now, Casaran fans have to hope for some highly improbable results in the final games of the tournement, requiring Casari to win both of their games and Kipto-Mare to lose both. That, or Casari needs to score loads of goals to get ahead on goal difference, then a loss and a tie would be all that Casari needs.

"But to get a real feeling on how we did, we need to look at who did worse than us. Clavis and Elrich, the teams who defeated us, and Elrich only barely, in the Baptism of Fire Cup have already been eliminated. Our initial performance was much better than anyone could have expected, and there's still a glimmer of hope left. We have matches at home versus Greecedonia and away at Yafor 2, while Kipto-Mare faces Five Civilized Nations and One Red Dot.

"It's definately not over yet."

National Coach Vacancy



Feel you have what it takes to coach at the highest level?

Have a point to prove to former employers?

Tired of losing those international matches on Championship Manager when you could be losing them for real?

Want national newspapers to compare you to a vegetable?

Want to get paid a lot for doing very little?

Then this job could be for you.



The Hypocria Football Association are officially opening the vacant national coach position to foreign applicants and can offer :-

- A six figure annual salary
- A house in the capital, Hypocrium
- A car and driver
- An unlimited supply of blue Hypocria FA ties for the duration of your
employment

Football is by far the most popular sport in Hypocria with international matches regularly topping the television ratings. The domestic league is long established and two years ago was revamped to bring it up to standard with other leagues around the world, forming the Hyper League. Hypocria also has an excellent youth program with the national Under-21 side currently ranked second in the world. What we need is someone who can draw these things together and meld our senior side into a team capable of competing with the best in the world consistently. Are you that someone?

Applications can be telegrammed to the HFA headquarters in Hypocrium. Previous international coaching experience is preferable but not essential. Applicants are asked to include a brief résumé with their application.

Neil Kabants: Hey will you look at that. A new coaching vacancy that isn't for a country I haven't sucked with yet maybe its time to apply again.

Martin: Are you kidding me you've gotten rejected my Milchama twice.

Neil Kabants: So what? Its because I had one bad tournament when they were unranked so went crazy and fired me. I never got a chance to prove myself.

Martin: Exactly these guys seem to have standards and higher standards then the MFA. No way you're getting the job.

Neil Kabants: Screw you I'm applying. And if you don't want to be assistant fine.

Martin: Ok you apply I'm you're assistant no matter what.

To: The Hypocrian FA
From: Neil Kabants
Enclosed is my resumee for what I have done in both the MFL (the domestic league of Milchama) and what I have done for the national team for Milchama. So here I apply myself Neil Kabants to become the coach for Hypocria Hyppos.

Alex Scott, Head of Hypocria’s Football Association, took another sip of vodka. Actually another glug of vodka would have been more accurate but as any spellcheck will tell you glug is not a word. Interestingly neither is spellcheck but we seem to have wondered off the point. He looked at the two applications in front of him. The first was giving him a major headache. It was impressive, there was no doubting that and from a nation for as long a sporting history as you could possibly find, but would that coach ever be accepted by the other FA members, or the players, or the public for that matter? He sighed, it would need a lot more thought. The other application was much easier.

“Caroline”, he said down the intercom. “Could you come in here please? And bring your tape recorder. I want to dictate something.”

Caroline, his attractive but slightly dim secretary entered the office and sat down.

“Ready? Good. Mr Kabants, on behalf of the HFA I would like to thank you for your interest in the vacant national coach position. Although we admire your opportunityism . . . opportu . . . Pass me that dictionary. Where are we? O. Where’s O? Are here we go. Opportunism, yes that’s it. Although we admire your opportunism unfortunately we don’t feel you are quite the candidate we are looking for at this time. Thank you again for your interest and good luck in the future.

Alex Scott. Hypocria FA. Et cetera, so on and so forth."

Thank you Caroline. Polish that up and send it off will you? The Crystilakere match starts soon. I’d better get down to the Hyppodrome to no doubt watch another horror show.”

"You need a woman to organise that rabble", his secretary said.

"Who told you the other applicant is . . . ", he trailed off. "Um . . . I mean . . . nevermind. I have to get going."

He headed for the door, stopped, turned back to his desk and poured another glass of vodka and downed it in one. Suitably fortified he left his office and headed out to the street and his waiting car.

Somewhere in Hockey Canada.

"Ok, ok... is the rush order of premium Hockey Canadian beer on it's way to Krytenia and Druida?"

"Yes sir. I have no idea why you'd like to give all that good beer to them. We were saving that for if we qualify."

"Exactly you low-life little scrub of a mole hidden under the mucus of a maggot that was digested by a decapitated toad. The beer will help them with the scores."

"Ohhhhhhhhhhhhhh."

PALADINS ANNOUNCE REPLACEMENT TEAM

Don't laugh. We swear we aren't making this up

After various threats of legal action against both the schools and the Ministry of Morale, both remaining high school teams have announced that they will withdraw from qualification.

These circumstances came about after former coach Jean-Rene Filon shot his keeper and starting defense after a 4-0 loss to Taken Names. Filon is currently in Antioch Metropolitan Jail awaiting trial.

The Ministry of Morale is scrambling to find replacements, and have announced that tonight's game will be contested by a troupe of mimes. Acting head coach Marc-David Pierre-Moise has said that "sounds fine by him. We'll see how this works in practice."

It is as yet unclear whether or not the Paladins will participate in the CoH. "If we can find a decent team in the final games, participation is yet a possibility," said Pierre-Moise. "We doubt we will, though."

IFF react to accusation

WOODSTOCK (ASP) -- In his final World Cup qualifying campaign as the head coach of the Sarzonian national football team, Coach Dave Wilson hoped he would get a chance to ride off into the sunset with an uneventful qualifying campaign and do well in the groups and knockout stages. However, the Aeropag Tribune printed allegations that the Sarzonian national team bribed officials to allow forward Brian Wilson to play on in spite of receiving two yellow cards and scoring the go ahead goal.

"That's the most preposterous thing I've ever heard in all my years of coaching," Dave Wilson fumed. "My son is not a cheat. We're not cheats."

Dave Wilson turned to the TiVO display behind his podium and directed the assembled media to watch the Sarzonian goal. "Look at this," Dave Wilson said. He slowed down the replay to isolate the goal. "That's number 9, not number 22. That's Darwin Russell who scored the goal.

"Consider the source," Dave Wilson said. "The Aeropag Tribute is as worthless as your local tabloid. I wouldn't even line my bird cages with that filth."

The incident was yet another in a growing litany of controversy surrounding a fierce footballing rivalry between Commerce Heights and Sarzonia. However, the incident has had an effect on relations between the nations. Prior to the current World Cup qualifying campaign, the two nations had cordial, if not outwardly friendly relations. Now, Parliament is considering passing legislation to sever diplomatic ties with Commerce Heights.

"It's got a chance of passing like any other legislation," bill co-sponsor Connie Jacobi (Liberal Imperialist-Somerset). "People in Sarzonia don't view Commerce Heightsians very fondly right now."

A spokesman from the External Affairs Department declined comment, referring media to the Gray House Press Secretary's office. Repeated calls to the Press Secretary's office were not returned.

"I'd like to know what match Hugh Fairnall was watching," Dave Wilson said. "And I'd love to know where he got his media credentials. Seems like they give any monkey with a pen a press credential over there.

They have a lot of nerve talking about corruption since they talk about buying people out nine ways to Sunday. Well this time, they've written checks their footballing association can't cash."

Hockey Canada pushes Svecians to border waiting for them to kick.
Hockey Canadians may literally kick Svecians out of country. Expected to be world's largest simultaneous kicking.

HCNN Live Report: Yes it's really happened. Hockey Canadians have pushed Svecians to the Hockey Canadian border to kick each and every Svecian-born immigrant in the behind out of the country. That is pending unless the Hockey Canada Canucks can beat Svecia in World Cup qualifying and Oglethorpia loses. This may as well be done with oglethorpians and Vilitans.

Location: Loyalty Bay, PopularFreedom

It was late when Shawn Peruvo got home from the gym. After changing he relaxed in front of his television and turned on the direct cable box for the EVERYTHING FOOTBALL channel. Relaxing he expected to see the tape delayed Kurumada vs PopularFreedom World Cup match but instead saw some Australian Rules Football match instead.

Shawn noticed after 5 minutes the notice on the bottom that the channel had decided not to show the remaining PopularFreedom games from the World Cup cause they were doing so poorly. Pissed he started to surf channels but could not find the game on satellite or the score at all. Frustrated he checked the internet to see if he could find the score but the World Cup site seemed to have not updated the scores yet either frustrating him even more. ...



OOC: Anyone know what the scores were of today's games?

"The Aeropag Tribute is as worthless as your local tabloid"…․"I'd like to know what match Hugh Fairnall was watching"
(OOC: Without you, how would I ever come up with RP ideas? http://terranordalis.thirdgeek.com/images/smiles/icon_razz.gif )

The Aeropag Tribune—Yes, this is the real thing!
Business: Tribune files suit against previously-unknown tabloid
AEROPAG, WTI—A Capitalizt publication, apparently unknown to the entire population of Commece Heights, was discovered today when a Sarzonian report referred to “filth” called The Aeropag Tribute. As was expected by market experts, the Tribune (hereafter “ATn”) has filed charges against the Tribute (hereafter “ATt”) for using such a similar name with the clear intent to deceive consumers. Although, by precedent in Capitalizt law (the landmark decision PariMedia v. PariMedia Commerce Heights), the name of an organization cannot be trademarked, the right to use a name can still be revoked if the usage is clearly confusing or deceiving (as in Siokaji Military Equipment Corporation v. Capitalizt Consolidated Conglomeration Corporation, in which CCCC was denied the right to its C4™ trademark due to confusion with an SMEC explosive, which later went off the market). Though ATt has countersued for ATn’s “aggressive litigation,” our lawyers do not believe their case has any merit. More information, such as the length that ATt has been in operation, is still under investigation by our reporters and will be published when it is available. Certain conspiracy theorists have theorized that there is a conspiracy, citing the fact that the same Sarzonian report referred to a certain Hugh Fairnall, a remarkably similar name to ATn’s editor, Hugh Fairall.

Business: Sarzonian paper accuses Tribune of making accusations
SARZONIA—After yesterday’s article reporting on an accusation that Sarzonia had cheated in its World Cup match against the Commerce Heights Capitalizts, a prominent Sarzonian publication (which seems to be anonymous) printed a story about how the Tribune made “allegations that the Sarzonian national team bribed officials.” Contrary to the Sarzonian report, the Tribune article in question merely reported on the accusations, rather than making them. “I knew Sarzonian sl***s the ‘touchy’ might get,” said writer Jędrzej Gośliński, a recent immigrant from Lovisa. “The third person I use always remember, title like the ‘Sarzonia accused of cheating.’ ” Our lawyers are still investigating the situation, and we will not comment on the possibility of libel charges until they are finished. CEO Matthew Sparks has urged us not to take legal action, concerned by the already-strained relationship between Commerce Heights and Sarzonia, but we will consider all factors in our final decision.

The Bureaucratic Tribune
witty observation here, since 1603

Oglethorpians assure Hockey Canada -- don't worry.

SOMEWHERE (BT) -- Hockey Canada goes into matchday thirteen well aware of the group twelve circumstances -- they've printed the preferable results ending in their hopeful qualification about a billion times. But with two tough matches coming up for the Oglethorpia Ostriches, it looks as if the national side will miss the Cup-proper again, in addition to retaining their moniker aptly describing a lack of playing finesse and skill.

And in addition to that rather long run-on sentence, Oglethorpians seem pretty content with the hypothesized Oglethorpian losses coming up; and offer a good luck to Hockey Canada who should likely take third in the group, whether in the Cup, or the playoff, or however that whole deal works. Having failed to qualify the past few World Cups will do that to a country. What follows is a detailed look at all the possible permutations of the ensuing two matchdays, illustrating the sheer weight and importance of the situation at hand.

Should Oglethorpia's Ostriches win 2 and Hockey Canada lose 2, Oglethorpia qualifies.

Should Oglethorpia earn 6 points and Hockey Canada earn 0, Oglethorpia qualifies.

Should Oglethorpia score more goals than its opponent in a 90 minute footballing bout in two seperate instances of said matchup, and Hockey Canada fail to do so in the aforementioned 90 minute twenty-two man dancing extravaganza, Oglethorpia qualifies.

Should Oglethorpia draw 1 match, and Hockey Canada win 2 or worse, Oglethorpia qualifies.

Further, should some more things happen, giving the reader credit, one could probably figure it out. Perhaps taking into account the unlikely and total freak occurence of a Bureaucratic States surveillance satellite killing the entire team, or something equally as pitiful an attempt at humor as that.

With only one point needed to cement their place in qualification, or a playoff, or perhaps an elaborate rock-paper-scissors match, or even a duel with deadly weapons like toothpicks, or none of the preceding if Oglethorpia secures a real qualifying spot (we've no idea, that playoff thing is a farce anyways), it still seems unlikely the squad will force a draw from Vilita or Svecia.

Further complicating the Oglethorpian's efforts was the Hockey Canada match -- Oglethorpia secured the 2-1 victory, but at high cost, all sixteen Ostriches players injured in getting it -- along with the Ostriches coaching staff -- and most Oglethorpian fans attending the away match -- and even those watching the match from the comfort of their own living rooms. "Yeah, Hockey Canada thrashed us," said Anton Kremlov, while struggling to make his way to the proper bowel movement facility with his two broken legs. "It was like they [Hockey Canada] were playing with large wooden sticks that kept accidentally hitting us in the legs."

"They were on a rampage, I tell you!" started Mel Memorable, before breaking down into fits of weeping. Recovering, he said, "they were like barbarians, pillaging and leaving scorched earth behind them, incapacitating Oglethorpians wherever they went!"

Not even assistant coach Calculator Whereson made it through the match, a vicious corner kick impaling the hapless fellow on the sidelines -- as much as a round object impales, that is.

"Well, we get to play Vilita, so I consider that one a throw-away match...then we visit Svecia, and well see what becomes of that one too," said coach Torrence Black. Indeed, most feel a draw against the two group powerhouses (and gauranteed qualifiers) would be an upset, and a win all but struck from possibility. "Well, maybe they'll all get struck by lightning...all twenty two players of our upcoming opponents. I'd say that's a reasonable possibility to put money on," wisely suggested Joe Staplin, President of the Oglethorpian Association of Football [OAF].

In two weeks Oglethorpia should hopefully see how their World Cup 24 qualifying bid pans out -- preferably in the third-place playoff spot of group twelve, virtually guarenteeing the Ostriches of nothing. Till then, Oglethorpia continues riding on to the bitter end.

To: The Holy Synod of the Archregimancy

From: Kyrill, Metropolitan of Solovetsky and Coach of the Archregimancy National Team

Regarding: A new heresy in Kaze Progressa


Dear Brothers in Christ,

It is my sad duty to report that during our recent travails (not to mention our travels) in ordinary physical reality, I have discovered a new heretical sect of a most heinous and sinful nature that has taken root in the nation of Kaze Progressa.

This sect purports to call themselves 'Excelites', and - instead of placing their full trust in the Lord - pray to a false idol whom they call 'Margaret'. I should clarify that by no means are they venerating the memory of the blessed virgin and martyr Saint Margaret (also called Marina) of Antioch, nor are they venerating the Catholic Saints Saint Margaret of Scotland or Saint Margaret Clitherow - which we might at least have been able to turn a blind eye to. No, this 'Margaret' is a false god, whom many in Kaze Progressa worship despite the Commandments of the Lord our God: "Thou shalt have no other gods before me. Thou shalt not make unto thee any graven image, or any likeness of any thing that is in heaven above, or that is in the earth beneath, or that is in the water under the earth: Thou shalt not bow down thyself to them, nor serve them: for I the Lord thy God am a jealous God, visiting the iniquity of the fathers upon the children unto the third and fourth generation of them that hate me; And shewing mercy unto thousands of them that love me, and keep my commandments."

Now, some might say that this wanton disregard of the true Church is amply reflected in Kaze Progressa's ongoing lack of World Cup success - a single cup final appearance notwithstanding - and that this is punishment enough. But it gets worse. Oh yes it does.

These 'Excelites' not only worship a false idol, but also proclaim all international footballers - and thus by implication all humanity - to be holograms with their actions determined by some arcane magic called an "Excel spreadsheet".

What this "Excel spreadsheet" might be, I do not know, and hardly dare to guess, but it clearly has no place in the fullness of Orthodox tradition. What particularly perturbs me - and our monastic brethren on the squad - is the Excelite belief that human beings are not created by the Lord our God in His image, but are rather abstract constructs created by an artificial entity without the intervention of the Divine. This is worse than Arianism. Worse than Sabellianism. Worse, even, than Monoenergism.

As you are no doubt aware, we have a home game coming up against Kaze Progressa. It is my proposal that we ban Excelites from entering the borders of the Archregimancy forthwith, as heretics professing such a perverse faith surely cannot be permitted to enter our land.

Sincerely Yours,

Kyrill, Metropolitan of Solovetsky

FALE reject cheat claims

With recent claims out of Commerce Heights that World Cup 22 winner Sarzonia might have effectively cheated their way to their current status as one of the world's top ten teams, outgoing FALE chairman Gareth Dussis did much to dispute the claims.

"Whoever's writing that crap ought to be sued, or in this case counter-sued, for damages. The FALE must note that any accusations of match-fixing are false, and legal action will be taken. Sarzonia won the World Cup in Liverpool England; to claim this win was faked is not something you can make without proof. The FALE are fully backing Sarzonia in this instance."

National Coach Vacancy



Feel you have what it takes to coach at the highest level?

Have a point to prove to former employers?

Tired of losing those international matches on Championship Manager when you could be losing them for real?

Want national newspapers to compare you to a vegetable?

Want to get paid a lot for doing very little?

Then this job could be for you.



The Hypocria Football Association are officially opening the vacant national coach position to foreign applicants and can offer :-

- A six figure annual salary
- A house in the capital, Hypocrium
- A car and driver
- An unlimited supply of blue Hypocria FA ties for the duration of your
employment

Football is by far the most popular sport in Hypocria with international matches regularly topping the television ratings. The domestic league is long established and two years ago was revamped to bring it up to standard with other leagues around the world, forming the Hyper League. Hypocria also has an excellent youth program with the national Under-21 side currently ranked second in the world. What we need is someone who can draw these things together and meld our senior side into a team capable of competing with the best in the world consistently. Are you that someone?

Applications can be telegrammed to the HFA headquarters in Hypocrium. Previous international coaching experience is preferable but not essential. Applicants are asked to include a brief résumé with their application.

'I have a point to prove to my former employers! But i'm not really looking forward to losing matches, bah I'll just send them an application and we'll see, I like vegetables, but i'm not sure i wanna be one.'

From: Zhenya Luchinsky
To: HFA
I am very interested in the job as coach of the Hypocria Hyppo's, and believe that as former coach of Tadjikistans national side and U-21 team that i have the qualities required to be a good candidate.

To: Zhenya Luchinsky

First let me thank you for your interest in our national coach vacancy. Naturally a candidate from a high profile side such as Tadjikistan is a welcome sight. Your previous employment with the Tigers at both senior level and Under-21 level is the kind of experience we at the HFA are looking for. I was wondering if you could perhaps go into slightly more detail about your record with your nation’s national sides.

I have other questions about your coaching style and what you feel you can bring to our national team. Consider this an invitation to the Hyppodrome to watch our upcoming home game against Crystilakere so we can have a little chat and also so you can see what you may be letting yourself in for.

- Alex Scott, HFA

The Daily Druid

DFA OFFICE PARTY OVER-RUNS
By Liam Gessemschmitthaagen-Po

The DFA, who are supposed to be in charge of the collection and releasing of half of the World Cup 24 qualifying scores, were unavailable for comment when it emerged today that the results of qualifying matchday twelve had not been collectively announced to the world.

The reason they were unavailable for comment wasn't just how drunk they were, but how they'd missed their flight home from Hockey Canada, where drink is now much more widely available than in Druida. In doing so, they missed their flight home, and have ended up travelling back to Druida on an iceburg.

I don't know if you've ever travelled to Druida on an iceburg, but there is one slight problem. Sailing it past the Tropics of Vilita. Yes, for the less well educated amongst you, that means that the iceburg melts!!!

Anyway, the entire DFA staff are expected to arrive home in the next couple of hours, so expect the results then. This means, of course, that the cup is delayed by a period time known as an RL day. It also means that the KFA, who have arranged a similar trip for the end of qualifying, might now be unable to help out in the play-offs. More news on that as we get it.

Memo

From: Snidebleen, Bejeezusian snoop and tattletale
To: Reverend Glunkspot, Head, Church of Bejeezus and Transubstantiation
Re: Some stuff that might make Bejeezus mad

Dear Rev.,

Did you hear about this bunch of Microsnot-worshipping human Progressans that are worshipping some Microsnot software? A bunch of hippy-freak monks who claim to come from another dimension have been complaining about it, and I think it should be brought to Bejeezus' attention. Could you let her know?

Apparently these Krazed Progressans think Bejeezus is actually a binary operand (1=heaven; 0=hell) and she can be accessed through a spreadsheet program called "ExHell." Compounding matters are these trippy monks who-- don't even get me started on them. I think they're a bunch of Beelzebubbers, always talking about "Saints" and stuff. Does Bejeezus know about them yet? 'Cause she'll probably want to smite them with her wrath.

Okay, well, just wanted to put that on your radar in case Bejeezus was busy with other stuff and hadn't noticed it. You can go back to evangelizing heretics and stuff now.

Thanks,

Snidebleen

"So what do we do now?" Khim Azanulbizarn asked, hands on hips. Or, rather, on the side of his waist, as it's rather difficult to tell quite where a Dwarf's hips are due to their natural corpulence.

"Well," Roberto Di Bradini replied, "I guess we pick something random and start searching this place."

Khim and Robb had gone back to the late Ceri Salisbury's up-market Alrefton Heights home - more of a mansion, in fact - to re-search it for any clues they might find. A thorough, ponderous search his house had produced nothing for their themselves or the police, to sthey decided to pick something completely at random.

"Completely at random?" Khim was confused. "How do we make sure we pick the right bit of randomness - what if we guess and guess wrong?"

"That's the whole point, my vertically-challenged friend," Robb said, "A guess, assuming it is truly random, will surely be the right one."

"So what should we do? Roll a dice, deal a card, sacrifice a rubber chicken?"

Khim was missing the point, really. The method of number generation really didn't matter, it was how they perceived it and what they did with it that really mattered. Robb pointed to the silver chain-link bracelet wound around Khim's right wrist. Attached to the tiny silver links was a brilliantly-made mini Miner's pick-axe, denoting that Khim was a recognised paradigm of the Guild, if perhaps not for is mining skills.

"That Miner's Guild pendant, can I borrow it for a moment?"

Khim frowned for a moment, then shrugged. He undid the delicate clasp with a flick of a practised left wrist and handed it gingerly to Robb. The Guild pendant was something dear to a Dwarf's heart, part of his heritage and tradition. Khim, therefore, was not pleased when Robb threw it blindly past his shoulder.

"What are ye doing?!" he yelled.

Robb, however, still hadn't seen where he'd thrown it.

"Where does it lay, Khim?"

The Dwarf walked over to the bookcase behind them and inspected his pendant. The tip of the pick-axe had lodged itself into the spine of a book. Khim read the title and raised an eyebrow.

"'The Ash Tree - a botanical study.' Now what under earth does that mean, laddie?"

"Hold on," Robb said, already on his BlackBerry, looking up the Ash Tree. After a few moments, he smiled and put it away, "Pull that book out, will you?"

Khim did so, but was only able to slide the book out halfway before it got stuck. He was about to give it a little heave but was intterupted by the sound of machinery. With a soft rumbling sound, a great chunk of the wooden bookcase opened up like a door, showing a stone tunnel leading down some stairs, lit by electric lighting.

"That, my rubenesque left-back, is why blind guessing and mobile internet go well together." The pair then made their way cautiously down the stairs. Were you to look through the History on Robb's BlackBerry browser, you would find a page on The Ash Tree - Latin name, Fraxinus Excelsior. And Excelsior, for those of you who can't remember or haven't been bothered to check out, is the name of the secretive organisation that Ceri worked for. Cunning, eh?

A somewhat belated, but much more corrected, Matchday 13 is eventually here. (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showthread.php?p=9553404#post9553404)

Stars get back to football, or do they?

After a round of drama that threatened to overshadow the Sarzonian national team in their final campaign under Coach Dave Wilson, the Stars tried to concentrate solely on football matters and got two goals from forward Kenny Cooper, starting for the suspended Brian Wilson, and Horace Sandt made six saves en route to a 0:2 victory over Caprine States.

The result was overshadowed when Dave Wilson told a reporter in an offhand remark that he was applying for the manager's position at Hypocria.

"I had no idea," forward Barry Alphonso said. "It wouldn't be like him to talk out of both sides of his mouth like that."

The furor forced the Sarzonian coach to clarify his remarks.

"I haven't officially applied for the Hypocria position," he said. "As far as I'm concerned, I'm retiring. But I am not going to leave any options closed completely. I could change my mind and return to manage the Hyppos. I could change my mind and return to coach the Stars. I could stay with what I've said I wanted to do all along.

"I've been pretty rejuvenated by how easy it's been to coach this team," he said. "This is probably the most self-coached team I've ever had. I think I could use a good challenge, and if that's in Hypocria, that's where it is. Coaching the Stars in the 25th World Cup is also a pretty special idea."

As for the game itself, Dave Wilson said, "it felt good to be able to give our undivided attention to football for 90 minutes," Dave Wilson said. "We've had arguably the most difficult stretch since the ninth Cup of Harmony so it was nice to get through that."

With a berth in the World Cup finals already secured and the Group 8 title in hand, the Stars (11-2-0, 35 points) could afford to play their reserve players. With defender Mike Coyle also suspended due to a red card, the Stars adopted a 3-5-2 formation for the match, with midfielder and team captain Darwin Russell playing a more defensive game than usual. The results were shaky as Caprine States fired 21 shots, six on goal, to Sarzonia's 17, with five on.

"We'll get Mike back for the match against Kylaai," Dave Wilson said. "Same with Brian. But we may make some changes to give some guys a chance to play who otherwise wouldn't." Wilson said he would even consider starting goalkeeper Harvey Cooley, who hasn't played since the aborted Ts'kinvali Cup in the former South Osettia.

"Harvey's got to be ready in the event something happens to Hor," Dave Wilson said. "But it's hard because Hor's been so successful the past couple of World Cups. It will probably be a gametime decision."

Unlike the previous two World Cup qualifying campaigns, Dave Wilson said he would not turn the bench over to assistant coach Chris Trautwig since both he and assistant coach Barry Owens are competing for the head coaching position for the Stars.

"I don't want it to appear that I'm showing favouritism," Dave Wilson said. "The best man will and should win the job."

[OOC: I also TG'd this to Hypocria. This is an official -- and serious -- statement of interest in the manager position at Hypocria.]

Official Statement of Interest

I, David W. Wilson, current head coach of the Sarzonian national football team, am announcing my interest in the coaching vacancy for the Hypocria national side. I am well aware of the challenges that are involved with bringing a programme into the international spotlight and would like to point to my record as the manager of the Sarzonian national side.

My current record stands at 88 wins, 24 draws, and 24 losses and includes a Cup of Harmony title and the World Cup XXII title. In addition to that, I served as the assistant coach for the Baptism of Fire Cup winning Stars side before World Cup XVI qualifying began.

I believe the above indicate my ability to build a football programme from the ground up. I also believe that my previous record shows that I can handle the challenges of operating a football side under difficult circumstances. As you may know, Sarzonia is currently in a state of war against the Free Lands of Pantera and we have competed under the shadow of war in the past.

World Cup XXV is a very special time in the history of football. I ask your indulgence to at least consider my employ as the manager of your football side during this period.

Sincerely,

David W. Wilson
Head Coach
Sarzonia National Team

[OOC: This make official what I've been thinking about all along as my plot twist: Having my coach apply for your manager position. He originally made the comment as a joke to a cub reporter, but at the press conference, the idea came to him to apply seriously for the job. If he is hired by your Football Association, he will definitely take the job.]

2005-08-31

PopularFreedom defeat Kurumada in goaltending nightmare.

International Report from Kurumada - With the Sharks out of the playoff running the stands of the Kurumada stadium were mainly filled with Kurumada supporters causing the crowd to be a little more quiet than usually would be expected for a Sharks match.

Even the diehard Raven hecklers were hard to find though there were enough to cause a few scuffles in the stands.

The Sharks started off with Glen Owens in at midfield and William Welsh in for the suspended Shawn Peruvo at forward.

Fourteen minutes into the match Owens found himself with the ball near the sidelines just ouside the box. He tried to cross a ball however it arched towards the Kurumada goalie. The Kurumada goalie went to coral the ball however it somehow managed to squirt between his legs and into the net for a bizarre goal giving the Sharks the lead.

In the 23rd minute of play Kurumada tied it up with a beautiful cross to substitute striker Dalgano who made no mistake in putting the header past goaltender Peter Locart.

Kurumada took the lead in the 39th minute of play after Dalgano was fouled in the box area by Linus Mayhart. A quick tap on the penalty kick to the left froze goalie Peter Locart to allow Kurumada to take the lead 2-1.

The Raven fans, as usual started to heckle both Mayhart and Shark coach Viltacore chanting, 'Viltacore bring your gun', over and over again (most likely in reference to the coach of New Montreal States who murdered 3 of his defenders and his starting goalie after their miscues in a recent World Cup loss (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=9542032&postcount=447)).

The Sharks however were not done for the half and quickly roared back to pressure the Kurumada defenders.

In the 44th minute on a cornerkick by midfielder Cam Govardi, William Welsh was able to out position a Kurumada defender and slightly nail the ball off his head and into the net to tie up the contest at 2-2.

At the beginning of the second half the Mayhart was taken off and Paul Hendelson was put on at centre defender.

The second half like the first did not have many noteable events on the field except for the female streaker who ran across the field near the 50th minute with nothing but her shoes on.

Seemingly inspired the Sharks were quickly able to mount an attack on the Kurumada goal which resulted in Owens firing a shot which slipped through the hands of the Kurumada goaltender for Owens second goal of the day in the 52nd minute.

Kurumada pressed late however the Sharks were able to hang on for a victory, 3-2 being the final score.

Location: hotel in Viszonia

John Collins (http://ns.goobergunch.net/wiki/index.php/John_Collins) relaxed with a number of other players from the Sharks in the lounge of the hotel in Viszonia as they watched satellite television.

Collins was happy they were able to get channels from home as he was checking out the 20-something hot blond at the hotel front desk when he heard teammate Glen Owens burst out laughing.

Turning to the television he saw suspended teammate Shawn Peruvo with the soundtrack of Eye of the Tiger as the background music on the television set. Shawn appeared to be in a boxing ring promoting some fight school in Loyalty Bay. The end clip showed the knockout punch Peruvo had given to Kericia forward Thomas Jalic which caused his suspension from the World Cup (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=9538967&postcount=433) with the Eye of the Tiger soundtrack reaching its climax.

All the Shark players in the lobby burst into laughter as they saw the graphic shot of Peruvos fist connecting with Jalics nose and the blood that splattered as a result.

As the laughter died down after a few minutes Collins noted while still choking back laughter, 'I see television standards at home have decreased since we were last there'.

Things Are Looking Up


Hypocria 2 - 1 Crystilakere
West
Marshall


Southern Manchester, Haperd, Ruventsoria and Klakistany all took maximum points from their games in Hypocria so when run away group leaders and former World Champions Crystilakere took to the field at the Hyppodrome in Hypocrium another home defeat seemed inevitable, particularly considering the Crystils’ thumping 4 - 0 win earlier in the campaign. But for the first time in the entire campaign, and the first in eight games in the capital, the vast majority of the 80,000 strong crowd went home happy.

The new caretaker coaches made two key changes to the side. Krytenian based midfielder Michael Powell replaced the much criticised Horacio Veron and Sporting Mayo’s Danny West made his first appearance of the campaign in place of Andrei Shirko.

The opening goal had a very familiar look to it as West and Marcus Baxter combined to the good effect their first perfected in the Under-21 side as Baxter released West through the middle and the Spruitland based striker fired low and hard past the advancing Tystrup.

In the second half the defensive frailties appeared yet again as big defender Ferrero headed in the equaliser from a corner. But the Hyppos would not be denied this time and with twelve minutes left Powell found Liberda down the left, the striker raced into the box and drilled the ball across the face of goal to be turned in at the far post by his former Partizan Drissa team mate Ashley Marshall to give the Hyppos their third win of the campaign.

Perhaps the win was not so surprising considering Hypocria have all ready been eliminated and Crystilakere were already assured of a place in the finals but three points is three points. In the other games Jeruselem confirmed their place in Druida/Krytenia with a 2 - 1 win in Haperd but the playoff spot will be decide on the final day with just three points separating the next four teams.

Group 7 Pl W D L F A Pts GD
Crystilakere 13 10 1 2 30 7 31 +23 Q
Jeruselem 13 7 2 4 22 12 23 +10 Q
Ruventsoria 13 4 6 3 19 20 18 -1
Southern Manchester 13 5 2 6 14 20 17 -6
Haperd 13 4 3 6 18 20 15 -2
Klakistany 13 4 3 6 15 19 15 -4
Hypocria 13 3 4 6 11 18 13 -7 E
0-0 Is Evil 13 2 5 6 12 25 11 -13 E
Even more importantly Hypocria’s win coupled with 0 - 0 is Evil’s defeat lifts the Hyppos off the bottom of Group 7.





Luchinsky For Hypocria?


It has been confirmed that the man seen with HFA chief Alex Scott during the Hyppos recent win over Crystilakere was none other than former Tadjikistan national coach Zhenya Luchinsky. This fuelled speculation that the former Tiger’s boss was the man the HFA had chosen to replace Guylain N’Dumbu-Nsungu at the Hypocria helm. Or so it seemed.

However it is now being reported that a source in the Football Association headquarters has leaked news that a new candidate has entered the running. Although the HFA are officially staying tight lipped on the subject the source said that they “are very excited about the candidate” and that “he is too good to refuse”. We will bring you more on this story just as soon as we have it.

The Bureaucratic Tribune
Presented to you in beautifully generic typeface since 1603

Oglethorpia LOSES -- surprise ensues

MEGALOPOLIS CITY (BT) -- In what in all honesty actually shocked no one, a visiting Vilita easily dispatched Oglethorpia 2-nil on matchday thirteen. With the loss and a Hockey Canadian victory, the race for the third spot in group twelve now hinges upon matchday fourteen, drama, crushed hopes, triumph and all the makings of a great sports movie surely to be present.

One could go into specifics of the Vilita-Oglethorpia match, but being a wholly unbiased and uncensored paper, we won't, given the amount of himiliation that took place. Now Oglethorpia needs one point or better to keep their place in group twelve. "Basically, we need to get one point or better to keep our place in group twelve," said dedicated football analyst, Bill Lampshade.

Even if Oglethorpia maintains third, the Ostriches are guarenteed little, going into a playoff. "But let's not get ahead of ourselves here," remarked OAF President Joe Staplin. "I'll have you know when you say 'this many points in this many games,' it's more than likely the Ostriches won't meet it."

Of note is Liamapoposodalis-Llamaton (or whatever it may truly be) who has 17 points along with Hockey Canada, and thus a valid shot at Oglethorpia's present position -- that is, given that they improve their goal difference from -9 now to at least +5 by the end of matchday fourteen (unless Hockey Canada pulls ahead as well). While not mathmatically out, the Llamas are looking for at least a 13-0 victory or better.

Whatever the results, the Ostriches will eventually return to Oglethorpia to an accepting fan base hopeful for the next shot at the World Cup. "No way, man," said one gun-toting fan. "Tell 'em not to come home until they have some achievement to their name."

It remains to be seen if a shooting will ensue when the Ostriches team returns to the Bureaucratic States.

Bipedal Times
Trans-border newspaper of the RBA

Rift in space-time continuum noted by Bipedaleen footie supporters
Two-Footers accidentally defeat Terminators

by Bonga

Bananaton—“Someone tell me what in crap just happened,” said RBA coach Ms. Throckspartle last night after crazy trans-dimensional Stargate accident caused Two-Footers to defeat Liverpudlian Terminators on one-nil score in front of forty-thousand odd supporters. Despite foregone blowout loss to LE, RBA side somehow managed to record scoreless shutout, marking first-ever Bipedaleen victory over top-ten-ranked side.

Possibly this sign of end-times. Reverend Glunkspot, famed fanatical Bejeezusian, says we should all dunk heads in river before it too late. Those wishing to accept Bejeezus as personal savior may contact the Rev. at 32-7558-1120 or log onto bejeezuswenttohellformysins.co.rba/baptizinator.html.

As reported in Bipedal Times last week, Two-Footers finished World Cup 24 qualifying with respectable 7-1-6 record and shot at making finals. However, thanks to Rejistanian-influenced dilatory transience effect, RBA record now 8-1-4, making 7-1-6 finish virtually improbable. How Two-Footers will manage to lose two matches in one, not to mention unwin most recent game, is up to footie scientists to determine.

Two-Footers came out strong against Terminators, possibly not concerned about risks of playing kill-crazed cyborgs after having not died much last time. Tribuana did not repeat his morale-crushing hijinks, nearly living up to his promise to Ms. Throckspartle. However, his failure to score a goal puts him on notice for possibly being sent down again. Whether he remains with side for finals likely rests on result of final qualifying match against Lovisa. If Two-Footers lose 5-2 or 6-2, Tribuana probably stay. If they lose 5-0 or 6-0, he probably hit road.

Trinandurnan scored only goal of match in early second half, narrowly dodging tentacle-spike of Mark-II terminator defender to get clear in box. Keeper attempted to annihilate her with massive laser-blast but Trinandurnan’s fur protected her adequately and ball rolled into net. Terminators likely felt compelled to leave apes alive, being on RBA turf; probably they had heard about rumored cyborgian monopedal monkeys on loose in eastern part of country and just wanted to get hell out of Dodge ASAP. They had already qualified, after all, and had no need of wasting time killing apes just to prove point.

Now that Two-Footers look likely to proceed to finals for first time ever, shrines to Ms. Throckspartle have spontaneously become erected all around country. Most are made of bananas, and last until kids notice them and eat them, but others made of butter, and get all melty and rancid and disgusting, so look where you step.

Final score:
Republic of Bipedal Apes 1 (Trinandurnan, 51)
Liverpool England 0

HFA boss Alex Scott read the piece of paper in front of him for the fourth time.

“Is this for real?”

Jenkins, his assistant, nodded.

“It certainly seems to be sir. It was common knowledge that he was leaving his post after this campaign. Everyone assumed he would retire, apparently he‘s not quite ready to.”

“But is this actually for real? It’s not some Spruitland prank?”

“With confirmed it with Mr Wilson’s representatives and the Incorporated Football Federation. It is indeed for real.”

A smile spread across Scott’s face.

“It’s turning into a very good day. First we beat Crystilakere and now this. And to think I was all set to offer Luchinsky the job. Lucky I didn’t. I’ll have to apologise to him.”

“So your going to offer Mr Wilson the job?”

“Do you even need to ask? His record is magnificent, he’s a World Cup winner and his side hammered us twice in the last qualifying campaign. Yes I believe I will be offering him the job. Take this down.”


To: David Wilson

First let me say how delighted I am that you are interested in our vacant national coach position. Naturally your reputation proceeds you. All Hypocria remember Sarzonia’s wonderful display in the World Cup final against Oaker and few here will forget the quality of your Stars’ side that destroyed the Hyppos home and away in the last qualifying campaign.

We at the HFA are delighted a coach of your stature is interested in coaching our national side and I can now officially offer you that role. We feel we have a strong domestic structure in place to draw from as well as the second best Under-21 side in the world and we are confident you are the man to bring these factors together and take us to a higher level.

Of course there are some details to be worked out such as the exact time of your appointment as I’m sure you will be wanting to stay with Sarzonia for the duration of this campaign. I do have one concern however. Your Sarzonia side will certainly travel to Druida and Krytenia as one of the favourites and I was wondering how you would feel about leaving if you led them to a second championship. But there is plenty of time to work out all the details.

I look forward to hearing from you.

Alex Scott
Hypocria Football Association

To: Alex Scott
Hypocrian Football Association
From: David Wilson
Sarzonia National Team Coach
Subject: Coaching position

First of all, I am delighted to accept your formal offer of the head coaching position of the Hypocrian national side. I believe in the potential the Hyppos have to offer the football world and I believe that my own record as Sarzonia's national team coach shows what I can do with a team with that kind of potential.

I would like to continue to serve as the head coach of the Stars for the duration of our World Cup run and would be able to take over the Hyppos job officially upon its conclusion. If we are able to capture our second World Cup trophy in three tries, I would like to take part in any celebratory parades and events feting our side, but I believe that it is time for someone else to lead Sarzonia in football. I have accomplished what I have set out to do, and that is to bring a World Cup trophy to Sarzonia.

I readily admit that my youth is not quite what it once was, but I also believe I will be energised by a new challenge of bringing a second side with great potential among the upper echelon of footballing countries. It has been my experience that it took the Stars four tries to advance to the Finals for the first time. It took us three tries to get out of the World Cup finals group stage, then it took two before we won. My point is that it will take some time and some patience on the part of Hypocrian supporters, but with the right infrastructure, we can accomplish similar success with Hypocria that we have with Sarzonia.

I would like to give your interim managers an opportunity to interview for one of my two assistant coaching positions. I would also like to have one of my current assistants with Sarzonia along as the second assistant coach. If I am able to have these, I can help combine the talents your players bring to the table with our own system, or determine which system best suits the Hyppos players. As a coach, I believe you construct your style of play based on the strengths and weaknesses your team possesses.

In concluding, I am excited to have the opportunity to serve as the Hypocrian national team coach and I look forwad to greater success in the years ahead.

David W. Wilson
Head Coach-Designate
Hypocrian National Team

Outgoing National Team Coach
Sarzonian National Team

P.S. For any media outlets or players or whomever in the HFA is wondering, please just call me Dave.

Vikings qualify with victory over Harlesburg, ready to fight for top spot in the group

Backed by another 2 goal effort by Mike Nolan, the Fmjphoenix Vikings overcame and early mental lapse and defeated Harlesburg 2-1. In the previous unreported matches that resulted in a 1-0 win thanks in part to a late strike by Nolan, and a 0-0 draw against Prince Aidan, the Vikings were stil sitting in a good place, until the matchup against Starblaydia handed the Vikings their first loss of the qualifyers. Nolan produced another two goals and Terrence McAlister put forth a third, but Stary put 5 past Powell Lamar and rumbled to first place. But those are before, its time to concentrate on the future matches. The final match is against Finrods, but Coach Wash has already said that he will be playing hard for the match.

"We want this win. We want to go into qualification with momentum and high spirit. By winning, we keep the momentum flowing, and it just might put us somewhere we have never been before, 1st in a qualifying group. We are only one point behind Starblaydia. We can do this."

With one match to go, anything can still happen. Fmjphoenix is already qualified, but why just stop there? There is always reason to go for the best you can get, and a win and 1st place will be the best they can attain right now.

Fmjphoenix Goal Scorers:
Nolan 19
Daniels 4
Brown 2
McAllister 2
Grimm 1

Fmjphoenix's World Cup 24 Qualification:
MD01: Fmjphoenix vs Geisenfried Draw 2-2
MD02: Fmjphoenix @ Naleoospalakintula Win 5-0
MD03: Fmjphoenix vs Prince Aidan Win 4-0
MD04: Fmjphoenix @ Tallionis Win 2-1
MD05: Fmjphoenix @ Starblaydia Draw 1-1
MD06: Fmjphoenix vs Harlesburg Win 2-1
MD07: Fmjphoenix @ Finrods Win 2-1
---------------------------------------
MD08: Fmjphoenix @ Geisenfried Win 3-2
MD09: Fmjphoenix vs Naleoospalakintula Win 1-0
MD10: Fmjphoenix @ Prince Aidan Draw 0-0
MD11: Fmjphoenix vs Tallionis Win 1-0
MD12: Fmjphoenix vs Starblaydia Lose 3-5
MD13: Fmjphoenix @ Harlesburg Win 2-1
MD14: Fmjphoenix vs Finrods
Record: 9-3-1

To: Dave Wilson


Dave it is. I look forward to meeting you in person after Sarzonia’s campaign although I’m sure you’ll understand when I say I hope it’s not for a while yet.

I’m delighted to hear that you feel we are a nation with potential.. Naturally we think this but there is an element of bias there. Let me also say that we have no concerns regarding your age, I think it’s fair to say that our last coach had reached the veteran stage. I prefer to look on it as valuable experience.

I fully understand your call for patience but I’m certain you don’t need me to tell you that football fans are not the most patient of people. However with your reputation the supporters are going to be fully behind you of that I am certain.

The HFA is not in the habit of interfering in the work of its national coach so you will be given free rein to hire and fire as you see feet. Naturally we would be happy to sanction the appointment of one of your former assistants.

Once again I look forward to meeting you and I wish the Star’s the very best of luck at the World Cup Finals.

Alex Scott
HFA

Tumult for IFF

WOODSTOCK (ASP) -- After a week of controversy that included the further deteoriation of relations between Commerce Heights and Sarzonia, the Sarzonian national football team was jolted with the announcement that Coach Dave Wilson would not retire, but would take the coaching vacancy in Hypocria.

"It was a tough decision to change my mind on retirement, but the job was just too attractive," Wilson said. "I wanted to leave my options open in the event I changed my mind and decided to return to Sarzonia, but I've decided this opportunity is too great to pass up.

"I am deeply sorry to any of my players if they feel betrayed by my change of heart, but the more things happened this World Cup, the more I realised I didn't want to end my coaching career on this note."

Most Stars players declined to comment when asked about the coach's decision to postpone his retirement and take a new job, but forward Barry Alphonso was "livid.

"How does Coach Wilson go from talking retirement and talking about seeing his grandkids one day and then get announced as the new football manager at Hypocria the next? That's hypocritical.

"I don't care if he hears me say this or not. That was a punk move on his part and I'll tell him that to his face."

Following the meeting between Wilson and Alphonso, the Sarzonian forward was seen packing his bag and leaving the facility without his kit. A reporter from the Woodstock Daily Mail reported that Alphonso's name plate was being removed and his locker was being cleared out.

"I can neither confirm nor deny anything at present," a spokesman for the Incorporated Football Federation said. "It is IFF policy not to comment on matters that are pending litigation."

A team source who spoke on condition of anonymity said Wilson told Alphonso to "get the hell off my team," to which Alphonso replied, "I'm not playing for Hypocria you [expletive]." The source said that security had to forcibly escort Alphonso out of the building.

The team announced after the meeting that forward Kevin Wilson, the younger son of Dave Wilson, was being added to the roster.

"All I can confirm is that Kenny Cooper will be the starting forward in place of Barry Alphonso," assistant coach Chris Trautwig said. "Besides that, you'll have to ask Dave."

"No comment," Dave Wilson replied when asked about the lineup changes.

The Incorporated Football Federation is still accepting applications for its coaching position and is soliciting applications for one more month [1 RL week]. IFF Chairman Terry Mangione said he interviewed both assistant coaches, Trautwig and Barry Owens, but has not recieved much interest from other teams in spite of the team's success.

"I had several candidates for the Under 21 job when we still had that position," Mangione said. "This is unusual. But even if we don't get a foreign applicant, we feel comfortable with the candidates we have."