NationStates Jolt Archive

Lethislavania [2] - [1] Wickerslack

This was an obvious game for most, as Lethislavania has been doing very well this World Cup, and Wickerslack was... well, no offense, rather poor. [Although this is not their fault entirely, they're new to the cup] However, a blow-out was almost evident.

Hot streaks of pure light shone brighlty from the sun, radiating the stadium. The Wickerslack National Anthem was blaring over the brand-new speakers. Uniforms freshly pressed, creases in their shorts, they were the living embodiments of the perfect Wickerslackian.

Them other guys? Dirty. The Lethislavania squad look disheveld. A dozen or so puffy eyelid, messy, greasy hair sticking out every which way, and dirty uniforms created an unpleasent eyesore. Aroyyo was no where to be seen, the usual visage of a small, angry man gone.

Thomasd Boeing scored early, drilling up the side of the field. He danced around the Wickerslack players easily, and laced a shot into the top-left hand corner of the goal. Not 5 minutes later, he repeated this feat, albeit from the other side of the field.

After the half, Wicker came back with a vengence. Alas, it was not enough, as they only pulled off one goal.

A good game, however.

- T.M.

BSTV Sports Tonight
with Mike Michaels and Ken Jenkins

MM: Well, good evening to you all, and welcome to another edition of BSTV Sports Tonight. I am, as always, Mike Michaels.

KJ: And I'm still Ken Jenkins. Good to know that hasn't changed, at least.

MM: Well, we've reached the halfway point in World Cup Twenty qualifying, and we're here to give you a rundown of how everything looks in Group Ten.

KJ: Mike, I'm not sure how interesting that'll be, as there is really nothing out of the ordinary to report. Sarzonia are slightly better than expected, Fmjphoenix are slightly worse than expected, today's match notwithstanding, but besides that everything's right on target.

MM: Yes, Sarzonia are definitely on a hot streak. They're the only undefeated team left in the group after their 2-1 upset of TnUI and the Green-Blues' loss at home to Fmjphoenix. I can't see the Stars having any trouble qualifying for the Cup proper.

KJ: And of course, love 'em or hate 'em, usually hate 'em, the Insanicians are still right up there with Sarzonia, as they should be. They'd have to totally collapse to keep from qualifying, and that's not their style.

MM: So that means it comes down to third place, and as expected, that's the place the Green-Blues are trying to hang on to. Bedistan did have a fairly solid three-point lead there until today; luckily, fourth-place Haperd could only draw with Ninurta, so they're still two points back, while TnUI in second place maintain their four-point gap over the Green-Blues.

KJ: Who do we need to watch out for? That's obvious. Fmjphoenix. They're just three points behind us in fifth place, and one slipup for Team Bedistan could see us fall out of the qualifying places. Some people were predicting this to be a repeat of World Cup Eleven, and it looks like there's more likelihood for that to be true than we'd like to admit.

MM: Well, the best of luck to the players in the green and blue for the back nine, or back seven, if you will. Next match is against Qia, which we'll be wanting to win after only managing a draw at Fillmore National Stadium.

Five Civilized Nations To Face Lovisa Tomorrow

With a dismal record of only two victories after seven matches, the Five Civilized Nations Stellar National Team is to face the Lovisan team again tomorrow. In the first game that the National Team played in the tournament, the team powered its way to a 4-3 victory over the Lovisan team with stellar performances by forward Yu Yan and Team Captain, Ma Xiong. However, the National Team after its string of five losses is not expected to win its second match against the Lovisan team. After much speculation and some argument, most football analysts agree that the National Team would stumble in tomorrow's game, losing to the Lovisan Team 3-1.

However, the team, fired from its today's victory over unranked Nanakaland, which broke a five game losing streak, is confident that they would win against Lovisa, believing that the match would be a replay of match one's 4-3 victory over Lovisa.

Apprehensive about tomorrow's game, Head Coach Zhao Tong as switched tomorrow's formation to the original 3-4-3 formation that brought the team victory in match one.


Used Formation

3-4-3:

Li Xiang

Shea Lancer Henri Lafayette Liu Gui

Sun Yi Ma Qiang Ma Xiong* Cao Zhan

Zhong Jin Zhang Feng Yu Yan

* = Captain

OOC-LOL...I just about made it four straight, but I only had one announcer predict this game, and while he managed to predict the right outcome, he missed on the score.

IC-

John Carlson (JC): Welcome back to Eystrck. We're ready to kick-off this match between the Warriors and Eystrck to wrap-up the first half of qualifying for WC XX. David and Lisa have now joined me in the booth just in time for the start of this important match.

David Tall (DT): It's nice to be back here, John. I'm looking forward to this match as much as you are.

Lisa Simonson (LS): I'm also glad to be back. I'll admit that this match has me concerned. The Warriors haven't played on the road since they were demolished by Crystilakere back in the third match of qualifying.

JC: Well, that was a different Warriors team that faced Crystilakere, and the opposition for that match was a lot tougher than it will be for this one. Eystrck will kick-off. The ref blows his whistle...and we are under way...


**36th minute**
JC: Eystrck continues to dominate the action. They've done a great job of keeping Thomas Larson out of the action so far. Esytrck with possession...the ball is played into the box...where a Esytrck forward gets enough of a foot on it to change the ball's flight...and the ball slips off the underside of the crossbar and into the net. Eystrck takes a 1-0 lead.

DT: Warriors opponents will take whatever break they can get right now. The Warriors have been victimized several times in the first half of qualifying by balls bouncing in off the posts. However, this match is far from over, as this Warriors team refuses to quit until the final whistle.

LS: Against some opponents they might be able to come back, but I doubt that it's likely to happen against a team like Esytrck. Esytrck is too well disciplined to give the Warriors many chances to even the score.


**Halftime**
JC: We've reached halftime here in Eystrck, where Eystrck leads the Warriors 1-0 on a goal in the 36th minute. What is your take on the match so far?

LS: I'm not sure if the Warriors aren't mentally with it today, or if they're flat-out being outplayed. They certainly struggled in the first half of this match.

DT: Eystrck came out determined to make a statement, and it took them 36 minutes to do it, but they finally did. However, the tide was starting to shift at the end of the first half, and Coach Johnson will probably see to it that the momentum keeps turning towards the Warriors.

JC: Speaking of Coach Johnson...What do you think he will tell his players in the locker room?

DT: That they are definitely not out of this match. If they start working hard, then they will probably come out of this match with at least one point, which could be very important in 7 1/2 matches.

LS: He'll probably be after them to start putting more effort in in the second half. If they don't, they will probably lose this match and all their momentum at the wrong time, with the biggest four matches of qualifying coming up for the Warriors to begin the second half of qualifying.

JC: We need to take a commercial break. We'll be back for the start of the second half of this important qualifying match between Eystrck and the Warriors right after this...


**87th minute**
JC: Time is running out for the Warriors. They've made a valiant effort here in the second half, but unless they can score in the next couple of minutes, it will all be for naught. However, they do have possession at the moment...Christa Nelson makes the pass to Larson on the left side...he launches the shot...its drifting wide...but Kelly Carter dives for the ball...AND HEADS IT INTO THE NET!!! GOAL!!! Kelly Carter squares this match at 1-1 on a beautiful diving header in the 87th minute for her second goal of qualifying. What a goal!

DT: That wasn't just a great effort by Carter...that was an extrodinary effort by Carter to tie this match, and likely give the Warriors a critical point over the team right behind them in the table.

LS: Wow...Goals don't get much more important than that...unless your name is Thomas Larson and the Warriors are playing in Jerusalem, who they'll be playing at home in their next match to kick-off the second half of qualifying.


**90th minute**
JC: The Warriors with one last chance to earn two bonus points by pulling this out in the closing moments...Amanda Tracy shoots...and its just tipped over by the Eystrck keeper...
**whistle blows**
And that's all she wrote, folks. This wonderful match ends in a 1-1 draw. The Warriors remain in the third spot in Group 3 halfway through qualifying. I never thought I'd be saying that during this WC.

LS: I never thought I'd be hearing it either, John. The Warriors are undoubtedly the surprise team of WC XX so far. After all...how many teams ranked 110th in the world are in a qualifying position halfway through qualifying for the WC.

DT: Very few, Lisa. The next four matches will be the true indication of how far this Warriors team can go in this WC. They will be having their return matches with the top four ranked teams in the group; two of those will be on the road, and two of those, including the next match against Jerusalem will be at home. Jerusalem will be out to avenge a 1-0 upset by the Warriors in Jerusalem to open qualifying, and to defend their spot in the table from the Warriors, who would pass them for second with a win.

JC: The second half of qualifying will certainly be worth watch if you're a Warriors fan, or if you just like to root for the underdog. That's all the time we have for this evening. For David Tall and Lisa Simonson, I'm John Carlson...Good night everybody.




Praying2God 1 Carter (87)
Eystrck 1 <player> (36)





Group 3 P W D L GF GA Pts GD
Crystilakere 7 4 3 0 14 5 15 +9
Jeruselem 7 4 2 1 14 9 14 +5
Praying2God 7 4 1 2 7 9 13 -2
Iansisle 7 3 1 3 14 11 10 +3
Eystrck 7 2 4 1 10 9 10 +1
Legalese 7 2 2 3 12 10 8 +2
South Osettia 7 1 2 4 11 18 5 -7
Nevigrad 7 0 1 6 2 13 1 -11

A Wella Wella Wella HUH!
Tell me more, Tell me more, Like did they even score?

Two Jackie McLlroy goals in the first half of this match won the game for the 'slaves, against what was - on paper - the toughest team in the group.

Group 6 P W D L GF GA Pts GD
Audioslavia 7 7 0 0 14 2 21 +12
Spaam 7 4 2 1 16 7 14 +7
Wella 7 3 2 2 13 11 11 +2
One Red Dot 7 3 1 3 11 9 10 +2
Snub Nose 38 7 2 1 4 9 12 7 -3
Giant Zucchini 7 2 1 4 12 18 7 -6
East Lithuania 7 1 2 4 8 14 5 -6
San Verdi 7 1 1 5 7 12 4 -6

Seven points ahead of nearest rivals Spaam and twelve points ahead of fourth-placed One Red Dot, Audioslavia look to be fully in control. Should Audioslavia maintain their goal difference advantage over the pack then they'll need just three more wins from the final seven games to progress.

This next game however will probably be the toughest of the campaign. United Spaam hold an impressive record over Audioslavia, remaining undefeated in all but three of the eleven games they've played against each other. However, Spaam aren't the same side that reached the finals of World Cups 7 and 14, and the 'slaves are narrow favourites to take the away victory.

Should Spaam win, they'll be in an excellent position going into the final six games and could be a whole seven points clear of fourth place. Should they lose or draw however, then the pack could close in on them. Wella and One Red Dot are almost inseperable in third and fourth, whilst Snub Nose 38 will partner a resurgent Giant Zucchini to try and oust one or both of them from those final qualifying spots.

Stars laugh off T'nUI allegations

Coach Dave Wilson laughed when told of the complaints by the IFA after Sarzonia's 2-1 win over the top seeds in Group 10.

"Consider the source," Wilson said with a chuckle. "That was about the strangest set of ramblings I've ever seen from a team that lost. Sarzombies? I mean, jeez. They couldn't get any more inventive than that?

"I'm not even going to glorify their 'report' of the match with a for-the-record comment. You saw the match."

The Stars (6-0-1) conclude the first half of qualifying for World Cup XX with the second best record of all teams in qualifying. Only top-ranked Audioslavia (7-0-0) has a better record than Sarzonia has. The team is also preparing to play the bottom four-ranked teams in Group 10 in succession before closing with the fourth, second, and top-ranked sides respectively. The Stars close World Cup qualifying with a rematch against the Insanicians at Hendrix Stadium in the Sarzonian capital, Woodstock.

"We're looking forward to playing them there," Wilson said. "We'd love to get a chance to shove our boots where the sun don't shine."

Gowin Faces Torture Allegations

http://adamisland.blogspirit.com/archive/2005/01/20/gowin_faces_torture_allegations.html

Adam Island National Football Team manager Deidra Gowin is facing allegations by anonymous sources close to the team that she used inhumane torture methods on her players after their loss to Kaze Progressa earlier today.

After a 3-0 start, Adam Island has dropped 4 games in a row, the worst losing streak in their brief history. AI football fans took issue with Gowin's lineup placements, and vented their anger at Adelaide Haakenson during her appearance on 'The Late Show,' provoking a shoving match between the star forward and host Barry Johnson.

On the flight from Kaze Progressa to Royal Engrand, it is reported that Gowin used cigarettes to make burns in the hands of every player except Jerilyn Pratt, who made the sole goal in their 1-2 loss to KP. Then, according to the source, she forced the players to stand barefoot on frozen ice blocks. The last 11 players to stay on were awarded with a starting spot, while those who got off were forced to drink their own vomit.

Gowin was unavaliable for comment, but the team's doctor confided that three players had been treated for frostbite on the feet, and Gowin's roster for tomorrow's match is in an unusual 1-5-5 formation, with Haakenson the only striker sitting out and no goalkeeper. Football experts say this may suggest she did indeed select the players using a completely random method.

Fan reaction seems to be heavily against Gowin, as it was even before the allegations arose.

"How the f---ing hell does she expect us to play with no f---ing goalie! And I mean, what the f---?!" said Bob Newblance, a fan who has traveled with the team throughout the year.

LAST GAME: L1-2 @ Kaze Progressa (0-0-1; 1-2)
NEXT GAME: @ Royal Engrand (1-0-0; 5-2)

Squornshelous Rebounds Again

A defeat of The Weegies will hopefully set a trend for the rest of qualifying
Squornshelous' goals were scored by Gerrard, Popov and Washington, in that order. The first was in the 26th minute, when Gerrard beat Craig Hannah with a double stepover move and let loose a shot into the top corner of the net that no one could have stopped. He set lup the second goal when he crossed the ball from the corner, beating Alan Webster and the ball sailed to Popov, who made the header to put it away just before halftime. The Weegies attempted to rally early in the second half and Riordan Faleigh scored on a 49th minute corner kick, waiting backdoor for the ball to sail over and placing it easily in the bottom corner of the net. The backbreaker came in the 61st minute. Squornshelous had a corner kick after Davie Eriksson blocked a shot from Jako Arnesson over the net. Washington stepped to the corner and struck the ball with the outside of his foot, sending it spinning towards the penalty area. As the ball came in, it was too far out for Eriksson to run to, but the sidespin caused it to curve right into the back corner of the net. With this demoralizing goal, The Weegies' attack fell apart and Squornshelous played possession for most of the rest of the match.

Final Score:
Squornshelous 3-1 The Weegies

Scoring Summary:
SQ: Gerrard [26]
SQ: Popov [44]
TW: Faleigh [49]
SQ: Washington [61]

Squornshelous' Scorers:
Gerrard: 8
Popov: 6
Arnesson: 3
Washington: 2

Group 9 Standings After Matchday 6:

Group 9 P W D L GF GA Pts GD
The Weegies 7 4 1 2 10 7 13 +3
Kingsford 7 4 1 2 10 8 13 +2
Squornshelous 7 3 2 2 19 10 11 +9
Liverpool England 7 3 1 3 13 7 10 +6
Hiiraan 7 3 1 3 9 10 10 -1
The Eagles Nest 7 2 3 2 8 7 9 +1
Antaeus Rising 7 3 0 4 6 14 9 -8
Ratvipa 7 1 1 5 2 14 4 -12


Squornshelous' Qualifying Schedule:
Wins Draws Losses
MD01: Squornshelous 4-1 Hiiraan
MD02: Ratvipa 1-0 Squornshelous
MD03: Squornshelous 6-0 Antaeus Rising
MD04: Kingsford 3-2 Squornshelous
MD05: The Eagles Nest 2-2 Squornshelous
MD06: Liverpool England 2-2 Squornshelous
MD07: Squornshelous 3-1 The Weegies
MD08: Hiiraan v Squornshelous
MD09: Squornshelous v Ratvipa
MD10: Antaeus Rising v Squornshelous
MD11: Squornshelous v Kingsford
MD12: Squornshelous v The Eagles Nest
MD13: Squornshelous v Liverpool England
MD14: The Weegies v Squornshelous

Up Next: Hiiraan
Our second game with Hiiraan should be much like the first. The Pschychoes are underachieving slightly, but they should have no trouble putting this team away again
Prediction: Squornshelous 3-0 Hiiraan

OOC: No complaints about my results now, just noting that this is a messed up group, the top 7 teams within 4 points of one another!

IC:
Philosophers dedicate win to outgoing FALE chief
Paul Dussis steps down in favour of son Gareth, 31

Paul Dussis announced before the match away at The Eagles Nest that he would be stepping down after World Cup 20 Qualifying's halfway point - that was, after the The Eagles Nest match. And the Philosophers put on a show - three attempts on goal kept out by the keeper within the first two minutes.

The visitors finally broke the deadlock on 19 minutes, Douglas Freech getting the final touch off a well-worked corner kick. That was to be the only goal of the game, but at the final whistle, it certainly left Dussis smiling.

Gareth Dussis, 31 and an ex-Orean goalkeeper for one season until injury ended his career early, will take over from his father, who retired due to health concerns.

Match Stats, The Eagles Nest - Liverpool England
Goals 0-1
Attempts on Goal 7-17
Attempts on target 4-9
Attempts off target 3-8
Minutes of Possession 47-37
Percentage of Possession 56-44
Yellow Cards 4-2
Red Cards 0-0

LivEng Airways' Next Match Preview
MD08: (A) Ratvipa [Previous Meeting: W5-0]
Ratvipa are undoubtedly the walkovers of the group, despite them having secured a win. A five-nil thrashing occured the last time out, and we won't doubt a highly similar scoreline this time round.

Prediction: Ratvipa to lose 3-0

LivEng Airways' Liverpool England Dangerman to Watch vs Ratvipa:
Ronald Stamp (2 goals in 7 games)
Stamp will likely make the start in attack instead of defense against a weak opposition, and watch out for him to add to his tally. He has one of the best minutes played per goals scored ratio in the team in his whole career for a defender (5 goals in 1044 minutes played - 1 goal every 209 minutes - that's one goal every two games or so), but lacks that same touch upfront (2 goals in 1208 minutes - 1 goal per 604 minutes played - a goal every seven games or so).

Stat attack:
Minutes Played per goals scored, best ever team record (WC and WCQ only):
Paul Dussis had 50 goals for the national squad over five cups-ish - about 80 games.
Dussis played 7001 minutes for the first team squad in the World Cup and its qualifiers, notching a goal every 140 minutes.

Mid-Qualifying Review


Some teams have surprised us, and some have disappointed us. We've seen more victories by low ranked teams than normal, but the top teams have generally risen to the top. Let's see what's gone on in each group so far...

GROUP 1-
No real surprises here. Rejistania and Eauz have dominated this group. Krytenia and Oceaice will likely battle it out for the third qualifying position.

GROUP 2-
In a group filled with recognizeable names on the WC scene, and having been away for awhile, it's hard to get a read on this group. Cockbill Street seems to be having their typical strong run during group play, and is currently on top of the table. They are in good shape to qualify. That leaves four other recognizeable names battling for two spots: Dance2Revolution, Big Pimento, Commerce Heights, and Oddslavo. D2R is in the best shape being 5 points ahead of Commerce Heights and Oddslavo, but there are still seven matches left, and anything can happen.

GROUP 3-
This is probably the most unpredictable group of qualifying so far, and also holds the surprise team of qualifying to this point. As expected, defending WC Champion Crystilakere leads the group. Jerusalem is also in a qualifying position, as expected, but the team holding down the third qualifying postion halfway through qualifying has caught everybody by surprise...Praying2God (yes, we could be biased, but we're the lowest ranked team in a qualifying position at the moment) currently holds down third place, three points clear of Iansisle and Eystrck. The Warriors may be the sentimental favorite to steal the third spot, as they were not known as a soccer power before their long absence from international competition, and fans supposedly love an underdog. Legalese is one of the bigger disappointments of qualifying, as they sit in 6th place and their chances of qualifying appear slim.

GROUP 4-
Another group that seems to be going pretty much as expected. However, there are two teams that could potentially play the role of spoilers, as they sit just one point out of a qualifying position. It is expected that El Cid the Hero, Melmond, and The Belmore Family will hold on to their qualifying postitions, even though the order amongst them might change. Of note to Praying2God sports fans is basketball powerhouse Harlesberg is in this group, bringing up the rear, as they seem to be better suited for basketball.

GROUP 5-
This group appears to be another one of the more unpredictable groups (at least based on our knowledge). As expected WC XIX co-host Turori is running away with the group, but the rest of the group is relatively unknown by the Praying2God media. One team that appears to be a bit of a disappointment is The Lowland Clans, who currently reside in fifth place in the table, however they are just one point out of a qualifying position.

GROUP 6-
If this was a group about 10 WCs ago, you would be dealing with one of the toughest qualifying groups of all-time. However, a couple of the historic names have taken time off since then, and their rank and results have suffered as a result. With Audioslavia, Spaam, One Red Dot, Giant Zucchini, and Snub Nose 38 all in the same group, you know that there are going to be (at least) a couple of historic names that won't make the WC finals. The lesser known team making some noise in this group is Wella, who currently is holding on to the last qualifying position in this group.

GROUP 7-
The big two names in this group are both on the list on biggest disappointments so far. Kaze Progressa and Adams Island have both struggled compared to how they have done in recent Cups. As a matter of fact, they have both been upstaged by a couple of lesser known teams, Svecia and Kylaai. Don't count Sliponia out yet either, as they could potentially send both KP and AI packing at the end of qualifying.

GROUP 8-
The cream has risen close to the top in this group, as Vilita and Nova Britannicus are leading the group, and Lovisa is fourth. A couple other surprise teams are in this group, as relative no-names, Lykaia and Finrods are challenging for qualifying positions.

GROUP 9-
This is another group filled with historically recognizeable (and the occassionally somewhat controversial) names. 6 of 8 teams in this group have recognizeable names to the knowledgeable soccer fan. Antaeus Rising, who like Praying2God is returning to WC action after an absence, was in a qualifying position earlier, but they have slid in the last couple of matches to sixth in the table. Liverpool England (runners-up to Praying2God in the WC of Basketball II), who can sometimes stir up some controversy in the international soccer community, is also on our list of disappointments, as they would be going home after qualifying for the second straight WC right now. However, with only Ratvipa out of qualifying contention, anything can happen in this group.

GROUP 10-
This group has pretty much held to form so far, with Sarzonia, Bedistan, and Total n Utter Insanity holding down the qualifying positions (as was expected) right now. However, highly hyped as a potential sleeper team, Fmjphoenix has disappointed so far, and now appears unlikely to qualify.


Most teams are still fighting for qualifying positions, with a few being almost certain that they're in, and others who are saying "wait until WC XXI." We have our fair share of underdogs trying to fit into the glass slipper, which at the moment appears to be on the foot of our own Praying2God Warriors, but that can change quite quickly. The two groups that will likely see the most exciting finishes to qualifying are Group 3 and Group 9. We wait with excitement and anticipation along with the rest of you to see what the second half of WC XX qualifying will bring us.

John Carlson (JC): Hello everybody and welcome to the House of Prayer where the Warriors will begin the second half of qualifying with the return match with Jerusalem. This promises to be an epic after their first meeting, as Sarah Walker turned aside shot after shot before Thomas Larson scored from midfield in the 90th minute to give the Warriors the 1-0 upset victory in Jerusalem. Not to mention the fact that these two teams are second and third in Group 3 at the halfway point of qualifying for WC XX.

David Tall (DT): That's right, John. We should be in for a real treat today. Jerusalem's going to come in looking to return the favor to a Warriors team who hasn't lost in their last four matches, and comes in full of confidence. Not to mention the fact that the Warriors have done a good job of protecting their home field, having only lost to Iansisle in their second match of qualifying, while sweeping a three match homestand against Legalese, Nevigrad, and South Osettia.

Lisa Simonson (LS): How good the Warriors chances of qualifying should be quite clear after these next four matches, as they take on the top four ranked teams in the group. In the first run through these teams the Warriors split the four matches, with wins bookending the four match string. If the Warriors can earn five or six points in these next four matches, then they could potentially send one of the big names in the group home at the end of qualifying. However, to do so, the Warriors will have to come up with some clutch wins on the road against teams they should beat, Nevigrad and South Osettia. It may all come down to their match with Eystrck here on the last day of qualifying.

JC: What do expect to see out of these teams today?

DT: I expect we'll see a tighter and better played match than we saw in the opener. Neither team had their 'A' game that day, but Sarah Walker had hers, and that was the difference in the match. This match should go back and forth a lot more than the first match did, so it will come down to if Jerusalem's experience and skill or the Warriors youth, momentum, and home crowd advantage will carry the day.

LS: I find it hard to believe that both teams could play any worse than they did in the opener. That being said, that creates a major edge for Jerusalem that will be hard for the Warriors to overcome, as they don't have nearly as much talent as Jerusalem does.

JC: What will be the keys to this match?

LS: For Jerusalem, it's not dwelling on the past. They remember what happened in the opener, but if they dwell on it they will likely become over-aggressive and make silly mistakes that will come back to haunt them, as they did in the opener.

DT: For the Warriors, it will be doing what they've done so far. Playing good, solid defense, and taking advantage of the scoring chances they get. If Sarah Walker and Thomas Larson have their typical performances, then the Warriors will be a serious threat to pull of the sweep of Jerusalem.

JC: Care to make any predictions?

LS: Jerusalem's experience wins out in this match, as Walker and Larson are unable to repeat their opening match heroics. Jerusalem 3-0.

DT: I disagree. The Warriors are playing extremely well right now, and Coach Johnson has them in the proper mindset for these next four matches, as they know that they will be major underdogs. Which means that the Warriors will come out just like they did during their three match homestand and play like a team with nothing to lose, which is really what they have, because of their youth they'll have plenty of chances to qualify. If they qualify in this Cup, then they will be one or two Cups ahead of schedule. I believe that Walker and Larson come through again, with Larson scoring late to give the Warriors another 1-0 win.

JC: Epic matches bring out epic performances by star players, and that is exactly what will happen today. Matches of this caliber always end up being hard-fought struggles to the finish. Both defenses do good jobs against offenses that have some fire power. This match ends in a 1-1 draw. We need to go to commercial now...We'll be back in time for the opening kick-off of this epic qualifying match between the Warriors and Jerusalem.

Gareth Dussis' first move as FALE chief?
Praises Praying2God's current form, saying he'd like some of that from Philosophers

Gareth Dussis has sent out an official memo congratulating the Warriors on their strong qualifying run. Dussis told the media that those kinds of runs "are not easy to come by, but that's exactly what they've got, and exacty what we need."

Dussis also said he was looking forward to being in charge; the Liverpool England Sports Ministry have told the FALE that Dussis can stay in power for up to twelve years before an election must be held - meaning that barring resignation, Dussis will remain as FALE chief until WC23.

The Philosophers play their first match with Gareth at the helm away in Ratvipa, and Gareth has said he'll be making the trip with his father, and predeccessor, Paul Dussis.

The older Dussis has already expressed his glee that his son has been allowed to stay in power until WC23Q - and told the press that he'd "like for him [Gareth] to stay in charge for as long as possible." Dussis Jr. has not revealed plans for he future, but said he'd like to start things off with a win.

Vikings get to Nouveau Richelieu a little early to prepare for second half matchups

The Fmjphoenix Vikings left Vanguard a little early in order to arrive at Nouveau Richelieu early and be fresh and prepared for its machup against them. In the first meeting of the qualifying run, the Vikings took off with a 4-2 victory with goals from Mendel and Nolan, along with two from Larry Brown in his first start. It was the type of playing that Coach Wash and his staff had envisioned from the start, with the players producing when they were expected to.

Fresh of of their impressive road victory in Bedistan, the Vikings are expected to produce the same type of output that they showed in the match against Nouveau Richelieu the first time around. While we don't like to say its going to be a win, we would certainly like to hope that they can beat them again.

In other news, Golden Cafetiere still on display

FAF Chairperson Jack Wilson has been pleased at how many people have been going through Vikings Stadium to view the Golden Cafetiere, which has been proclamed by many to produce the best coffee in the world. It is not known whether Rejistania or Krytenia are going to try and steal it, but security has been lightened a little bit to encourage more attrations to it. While it is on display, it is expected to help draw sold out crowds at the stadium every home game and maybe even on the away games that are displayed through the jumbo titantrons. Fans all over Fmjphoenix hope that the displaying of the Golden Cafetiere will help the players perform at new levels and produce even better than before. Only time will tell...

Rematch? Not really

You will not believe that it was Shonar Bangla, who played in the match against the Orange-Blues, the same Shonar Bangla participating in World Cup 11 and having no idea of scoring at all, in their league, nearly every single match ended scoreless, with the occasional 1:0 or 0:1. At that time, the Orange-Blues were more attack minded than they are now, the System Hangila was still used, even though not that often anymore. The roles changed. The Orange-Blues became more defensive and LaxTa as well as Myk Linkosa introduced the System Karela in the national team or at least made it more common there. After this historical review, we can understand the relevancy of this match a bit more.

The Orange-Blues played a System Imdila again, which was nothing but a badly concealed System Karela. Shonar Bangla used a tactic, which in World Cup 11 would have been insane, suicidal and kamikaze, all at once: System Hangila. The attacks of the formerly hyperdefensive team were chanceless against the now defensive team. Salakerijasamenatira "Sa" Harakemindanutikejil and Jariakeledema Ky-Inidiviayu were the two strikers in this match, in the few chances they had, not just the defense was challanged but also the stadium speaker. In the 13th minute, "Sa" took the lead in a counter attack out of nowhere. Only 6 minutes later, Jariakeledema Ky-Inidiviayu managed to archieve the 2:0 after a corner shot by Xkeliko Iti~n. The rest of the atch saw the Orange-Blues even more defensive than beofre, they did not try to get chances to defeat the opponent even higher, instead they concentrated on keeping the score down. However, the team maybe was overconvident or thought all was decided too soon. The Orange-Blues did not react adequatly to a late attack of SB. Huzefa Calcuttawala could capitalize a mistake in the rejistani defense and scored the 2:1. However since goalie Mika Kay touched the ball with his fingers, it was counted as Own Goal. Kay'he reacted with sarcasm after the match: "I always wanted to have my name on the scoreboard." The Orange-Blues are now in second position behind the Eauzian commies, who they somehow can not beat at home.

The result:
Rejistania 2 (Harakemindanutikejil 13th, Ky-Inidiviayu 18th)
Shonar Bangla 1 (Kay (og) 89th)

"Everywhere we go!" (Every-where we go-o,)

"Everybody asks us!" (Every-body asks us,)

"Who we are?" (Who-oo we ar-are,)

"Where we come from?" (Where we com-from,)

"And we tell them!" (A-and we tell them,)

"We are Britannicus!" (We-are Britannicus,)

"Nova, Nova Britannicus!" (No-va-no-va-Britannicus,)

"Bowman's Army! Bowman's Army! Bowman's Army! Bowman's..."

(repeat ad nauseam until something interesting happens on the pitch)

The Loose City-State of Nova Britannicus first sent its footballers onto the International stage for the Pre-World Cup 18 Baptism of Fire in Starblaydia and Vilita. There they came third, having met such teams as Legalese and Fmjpheonix. Two wins and Four Draws later, they finished the Qualifiers for World Cup 18 with little to show for their Herculean efforts. Neither was their first Cup of Harmony experience a good one, only salvaging a win against Maserrat, a nation long-since departed in a self-created fireball.

In the Qualifiers for World Cup 20 in Starblaydia and Druida, 'Bowman's Army' had travelled to Nanakaland, the Five Civilized Nations and had now come to sing in front of Vilita who they hand't played for four years since the last World Cup Finals when they met in Turori.

Nova Britannicus had come through a record fifteen consecutive matches in World Cup-related matches without being beaten (in normal time, at least). Vilita had been included in that run when Charlie Bowman gave the Navy-Blues a One-Nil victory in Turori in their opening match of World Cup 19. Aquiliana, Liverpool England, Vilita, Starblaydia and Audioslavia were all part of the 'You can't beat us in ninety minutes' myth that had been created around 'Bowman's Army'.

With each success had come more publicity, more fans, and more money. The Navy-Blues of Nova Britannicus marched ever-onwards, hopefully towards their second World Cup in succession. One thing that was not known to many, however, was the fact that Nova Britannicus' footballing success was not just down to 'Bowman's Army', be it on or off the pitch. Secret machinations within the Nova Britannicus Football Association had been giving some 'supernatural' help to their brave boys in Navy-Blue.

Their first idea had been prayer, to call upon the power of the Judeo-Christian deity to give them an edge. That, unfortunately, didn't help much. With no real artefact of power with which to focus all that latent psychic energy, most of the energy generated by the prayers of the good (and some employed) people of Nova Britannicus simply dissipated into the void. A mysterious Guru named Yandaki came to the NBFA's aid, saying that he knew of an artefact that could bring the nation some real footballing success. In a secret plan, he deceived Nova Britannician archaeologist, adventurer and all-round super-babe Keira Hamilton into stealing the Rejistanian symbol of power known as the Sinijiil. Concealed with in the NBFA HQ, it provided Nova Britannicus with a focus for the psychic energy produced by prayers, chants and litanies. This led to five straight wins at the end of World Cup 19's qualifiers, propelling Nova Britannicus into the Finals at the expense of the Philosophers of Liverpool England.

Alas, the Sinijiil was recovered by two ex-cop Monks of Rejistania from the Temple of Taderekansa named Jaju and Taka, just in time for Nova Britannicus to lose their Second Round match against Audioslavia on penalties. Now, however, Nova Britannicus were recognised on the International Stage. With confidence and extra support they lived up to their billing as one of the Top 32 teams in the World. Greater, they were, than such well-known names as Krytenia, The Weegies, Kingsford and Giant Zucchini. But that was not enough for the greedy men in control of the Nova Britannicus Football Association. They desired the ultimate prize, the World Cup itself, lifted by only a handful of nations.

To this end, they unleashed a second malevolent plan. They required another artefact of religious power, and searched the history books for something akin to the Sinijiil. Then, they came across something quite unexpected, whilst "surfing the 'net" a youth-phrase for "looking at the internet". One of their opponents in the World Cup 20 Qualifiers, Vilita, had an artefact of their own creation, but no ancient treasure from biblical days was this.

Not too long ago, a Vilitan striker by the name of Callum Banda scored Vilita's first ever international goal. He can be likened to Starblaydia's Simeone Di Bradini or Nova Britannicus' own Charlie Bowman. Banda became such a national hero from that moment on, that he was almost worshipped by the tropical island nation of Vilita. Even the boots he wore that day, known to the Vilitans as 'cleats', were worshipped. "Callum's Cleats!" or "By the Boots of Banda!" are still slang terms in Vilita and even Turori that can be used once one has witnessed something unbelievably good, skillful, or lucky.

It didn't take long for Guru Yandaki to realise that this pair of football boots would be like a lightning-rod for prayers and psychic energy. Having recovered from the magical duel that he lost to Jaju and Taka, Yandaki set a plan in motion to take the Boots of Banda from under the very noses of the Vilitans. Whereas The Sinijiil could grant a defensive bonus to a nation, the Boots of Banda would most certainly provide them with a lethal goal-threat.

So it came to pass that Charles 'Charlie' Worsley was to lead a group of armed robbers to steal the Boots of Banda from within Vilita itself. And the cover for their robbery and getaway? Why, the Vilita-Nova Britannicus game on Matchday Seven, of course...

(OOC: Sod having a Match RP every game, MD7 has the only event that really matters for this story)

Jeruselem Government News

Hold the Crystils boys!

It was the real test for Jeruselem. Jeruselem faced Crystilakere, the World Cup XX champion, in a test. Would the Crystils shine or the Crusaders come out with a unlikely victory? Neither, both teams played a 2 ALL truce deserving of the final result. Neither team could dominate and the defenses were working hard all night. Crystilakere was unable to assert it's lofty position with Jeruselem showing it's not another wannabe contender.

Iansisle finally got another win, with Legalese failing to be inspired 2-1 while long suffering South Osettia beat up on Nevigrad 3-1. Praying2God drew with Eystrck 1 ALL in a missed opportunity to challenge Jeruselem's 2nd spot.

Praying2God play Jeruselem again next, it's expected to be a sellout after P2G beat Jeruselem first up. Jeruselem have not lost since that game.

Jeruselem FA president Mamood Abbas made the following announcement about the Crusader nickname being changed to the Jew-Blues in line with Green-Blues and Orange-Blues used by other teams.

"It's all rubbish created by no-good journalists who have nothing to except report crap. We are doing well in this World Cup XX and look good to make the group stages. All they concentrate on is rubbish and bad news. Proper government news sources ignore this trash except those tabloids who'd rather be a bunch of storm-a-tea-cup pansies" he fumed.

Crystilakere 2-2 Jeruselem
Iansisle 2-1 Legalese
Eystrck 1-1 Praying2God
South Osettia 3-1 Nevigrad


Group 3 P W D L GF GA Pts GD
Crystilakere 7 4 3 0 14 5 15 +9
Jeruselem 7 4 2 1 14 9 14 +5
Praying2God 7 4 1 2 7 9 13 -2
Iansisle 7 3 1 3 14 11 10 +3
Eystrck 7 2 4 1 10 9 10 +1
Legalese 7 2 2 3 12 10 8 +2
South Osettia 7 1 2 4 11 18 5 -7
Nevigrad 7 0 1 6 2 13 1 -11

Breaking News:

The HFF announced the team has delayed Entry to the Squornshelous, last time we went there, there were millions of uncontrolled fans there, we would get in the country as soon as Squornshelous announces it will protect the players and all of the Hiiraanian Staff with them.

Hiiraan will be facing Squornshelous as you now might know, The team has said some words that may fee unbearable in other places, however those words are not going to be words that hurt us, the team has looked to win over Squornshelous ever since we lost to them the first game, this game will not be an easy for all game but hard and challenging game that would not only test courage but test skills and talents from both sides, the Hiiraanian men have been training on camp delta since the team left the football pitch on our last game.

The Hiiraanian men have been prepared now, lets see security with the players; this is to avoid stupid crowds from killing our players or hurting them in anyway. We would are due to enter the country in about two to three hours, however we will not enter country until 4 hours later than that due to our entry protest.

The Hiiraanian People and all of Africa are gasping for air in this match against Squornshelous, both teams have dedicated players who bring the goals for them, in this case it would be who can win for their team and make their nation proud, if we lose it will be a lose hard fought, if we win it will be a win hard fought for.

"Go to that field and make our nation proud and we will dedicate this win to all of our lost courageous, if this team can show the pride it has for its nation by wining this game then please do so." said President Abdullahi yusuf.

This is a game will be watched all over the world, a classical game that will be never forgotten, we shall see which side has what it takes to take the nightmare of a defeat.

Down at a local pub in the west-side of One Red Dot...

"We won yesterday guys! We defeated Wella 2-0."

"Yay!"

"Free-flow drinks on the house, people!"

"Yay!"

"Okay, now, we lost to the hooligans 3-2."

"Boo!"

"Yep, Boo is right. So, because of that, no free drinks."

"Boo!"

Shark Attack

Stadium: Pinealla International Stadium

Roster:

Carrin Oaker (GK), Torry Oaker (GK), Stef Oaker (D), Gray Oaker (D), Mitel Oaker (D), Orion Oaker (D), Tabby Oaker (D), Freddy Oaker (M), Sport Oaker (M), Venus Oaker (M), Arthin Oaker (M), Kelvin Oaker (M), Raven Oaker (M), Flash Oaker (F), Tip Oaker (F), Cats Oaker (F), Pond Oaker (F)


New Oaker added to lineup

Orion Oaker has been added to the sharks team for world cup 20. The team looks a little bit different from past world cups and many may miss the presence of Lenny Oaker. the former sharks defender died late last year after being hit with a severe case of foaker fever. it is believed that he had been carrying foaker fever for many years, but was always strong enough to battle it aside. Things turned for the worse for lenny after an autograph session where he and Flash Oaker were the featured guests at the Oaker meeting of sports and entertainment. Lenny oaker had to be rushed out of the meeting and would never return. Another missing name on the team is the all time midfielder Scott Oaker. Scott had a sex change operation just following World Cup 19, and with no current rules on the acceptance of multi-sexuals in the world cup the oaker team decided it would be best if Shatrika stayed home and watched the cup from the sidelines. Orion Oaker is a defender who is rumored to have some kind of mythical power. Orion doesn't have much skill most of the time, but sometimes it seems the skies open up and he turns into a machine. The oaker coach is trying to learn the signs of Orions abilities to use him as the ultimate substitue in world cup 20.

Unnamed helper: "Hello... you again... Look, you ring us every day, I tell you the same thing every day... yes, I do... no, not where you should shove your phone... admittedly, I do do that quite often... no, I mean, the scores thread (http://forums2.jolt.co.uk/showthread.php?p=7999137#post7999137), for pity's sake... Now if you'll excuse me, I'm a very busy man... Yes, I am... Look, I can't help it, but if the President wants to play tiddlywinks, that's not my fault, OK?

Stars continue winning ways, 4-1

Despite the team's impressive record through the first half of qualifying for World Cup XX, the Sarzonian national football team came into their road match against seventh place Ninurta wary of an emotional letdown. The team sent in third choice goalkeeper Mark Tanner to play his first match for the team in several World Cups and didn't know what he was capable of.

They needn't have worried. The Stars got goals from midfielders Bobby Convey and Darwin Russell and two goals from forward Barry Alphonso and easily defeated Ninurta 4-1 to tighten their grip on first place in the group to five points ahead of Total n Utter Insanity and 10 points ahead of fourth place Haperd.

"We played an efficient game of football," Coach Dave Wilson said. "We supported Mark with some strong play on the backline and our possession game was nice. It was clear that we could spend most of the time working on a few things."

The team could work on a few things because at 7-0-1, they are tied for the best record in World Cup qualifying with world top ranked Audioslavia, who drew 1-1 against Spaam. The team was expected to contend for a World Cup finals berth, but few expected the team to be close to the best in qualifying.

"We had an idea that we were a strong football team," Convey said. "I think the success surprised us a little bit, but we work hard. We battle. That's a testimony to the character we have on our side."

The team returns to Sarzonia for a match against last place Nouveau Richelieu and Wilson said goalkeeper John Bartlett would start that game.

"We want to make sure we keep our guys sharp for the games when we really need them. Troy's been rock solid for us, but I want us to be able to try out both Mark and John until we get to the Vikings match. Then it's Troy's show again."

"Of course you want to be in there, but I can understand coach's thinking," Perkins said. "I think it'll make me more eager to go when we play the Vikings."

Group 10 P W D L GF GA Pts GD
Sarzonia 8 7 1 0 20 7 22 +13
Total n Utter Insanity 8 5 2 1 16 6 17 +10
Bedistan 8 4 3 1 12 7 15 +5
----------------------------------------------------------
Fmjphoenix 8 4 0 4 15 14 12 +1
Haperd 8 3 2 3 13 12 11 +1
Qia 8 2 1 5 8 15 7 -7
Ninurta 8 1 1 6 7 21 4 -14
Nouveau Richelieu 8 1 0 7 6 15 3 -9

"Wow, another defeat. I never saw that coming."

"It appears that we were the only team not to pick up points in the group apart from Nevigrad, but they don't really count."

"So we're even further behind now?"

"Yep."

"Someone's gonna pay for this."

"Who?"

"How about that Devoll guy, the World Cup Chief. Surely some of it's his fault."

"That would make sense."

"What're we going to do to him?"

"Whatever it is, it won't be pretty."

***

To be perfectly honest, I was past caring whether we won or lost. It was pretty obvious that we weren't going to qualify, and my main hope now was that someone other than P2G got third place. I'm not a big fan of boasters.

"Time to go?" Polly's voice jogged me out of my thoughts. I looked at my watch - it was past ten in the evening.

"Yeah, I suppose so."

"It was only 3-0, to a team ranked sixty or so places above us."

"Huh? Oh, I'm not bothered about that. How many points are Iansisle behind P2G?"

"Just the one now."

"Good. I hope they get third."

"So do I."

"Who do we play tomorrow?"

"Crystilakere."

"Oh good, another defeat on the cards then."

"Looks that way."

"There was nothing in the job description about being treated unfairly, you know."

"I thought we were past that."

"No. We won't be past that until we get something good. Something we deserve. Something we've accomplished without bribes or cheating."

"Did we give those muffins away?"

"No - we lost, remember?"

"Oh yeah."

"I don't think I'll ever really love this job until it starts to go well."

"How long'll that take?"

"God knows."

"Why don't you ask him?"

"Good idea - I might try tonight."

"Time to go?" I looked at my watch - it was past eleven.

"Yeah, I suppose so."

Tides can't score but still make their point

Playing at Tide Field in Talzeckia City again proved to be hazardous to the Talzecki colonial football team's chances at winning their match. But the team also prevented Kylaai from winning thanks to a combined shutout by Tides goalkeeper Nick Reynolds and Kylaai's Mandoo Nania.

"We just have trouble scoring goals, especially in consecutive matches," Coach Avid Mashoda said. "That said, Nicky's been playing his heart out for us, especially since the scandal." The scandal that rocked Talzecki television nearly was trumped when a hacker replaced a photo of Nania with a team picture of the Kylaai side completely nude.

Talzecki team officials removed the photo within 20 minutes, but it wasn't enough time to prevent the photo from being downloaded 8,432 times in that span. The webmaster said he knew there was a problem when the server went down since the website rarely received enough traffic to slow down.

"We sometimes don't go a whole week and get 8,000 hits, so getting that many in 20 minutes makes it sound like a DOS attack," he said. "However, we were able to determine that it was merely an overload on the server because of the unusually high traffic."

"There wasn't much of the game to talk about so I guess we're back to that topic," Reynolds said. "It's okay. That's the way it works sometimes. Or doesn't."

The point Kylaai received in the draw against the tides was the first point they earned against either Sarzonia or its colony in four matches, with the Stars winning easily in the Baptism of Fire Cup and later in the Cup of Harmony.

"I bet they'll be glad not to see any more Sarzonian blood for a long time," Mashoda said.


Group 7 P W D L GF GA Pts GD
Svecia 8 7 0 1 22 5 21 +17
Kaze Progressa 8 4 3 1 10 7 15 +3
Kylaai 8 4 2 2 9 6 14 +3
----------------------------------------------------
Adam Island 8 4 0 4 14 12 12 +2
Sliponia 8 3 2 3 18 12 11 +6
Talzeckia 8 2 2 4 4 16 8 -12
GT-R 8 2 0 6 7 18 6 -11
Royal Engrand 8 1 1 6 8 16 4 -8

After heartbreak during WC19 qualification which saw Big Pimento fall one match short of the World Cup, the Futilty Kings have come back into World Cup 20 in full force. Big Pimento have been en fuego and are quietly (very quietly) collecting points during qualifying. We’re at the midway point in qualifying and Big Pimento are making the turn in prime position, sitting in one of the three positions to lock up a qualifying birth.

Match 1 @ Dance2Revolution
World Rank: 2
Result: L 1-2

Big Pimento’s found themselves staring at the second best team in the world to begin their qualifying campaign for WC20. Expectations were modest, and the Futility Kings did not disappoint as they battled hard and kept it tight against a very solid D2R team. The Pimentos’ passes were crisp, tackling solid and the back line looked organized. Despite the strong effort, the class of the Revolutionaries shone through in the end as the Pimentos suffered a 2-1 road defeat.

Match 2 vs Oddslavo
World Rank: 45
Result: W 2-1

Oddslavo and Big Pimento are two very even sides on paper, and proved to be just as evenly matched on the pitch. The teams split possession 50/50 and both put 5 shots on target. The difference in the match was a penalty late in the game, after the Oddslavo defender hauled down Pimento striker Bong Jong-Il in the box. Midfielder Selecao made no mistake on the penalty, striking it with power and exemplary placement into the bottom right corner of the goal.

Match 3 @ Cockbill Street
World Rank: 20
Result: L 0-4

Quite simply, a shameful result. The Big Pimento team showed none of the promise which they had shown in the two prior games and looked somewhat flat against this Cockbill Street side. Taking nothing away from the Streeters though, they showed the dominant form which has put them at the top of the tables. This is a result that Pimento supporters will be looking to forget.

Match 4 vs Commerce Heights
World Rank: 29
Result: W 2-1

The blowout at the hands of the Streeters served as a battle cry for the Futility Kings, as they rallied back for an upset win against the Commerce Heights Hypercapitalizts. This match wasn’t for the faint of heart, as it was a slow paced physical affair featuring loads of clutching, grabbing and stiff tackling. Danny Gallagher scored his first goal of his international career in this one in the 21st Minute, then came back with the game winner in the 60th. This promising result meant that Big Pimento had gotten through the four titans of the group with a .500 record of 2-0-2.

Match 5 vs Kipto Mare
World Rank: 64
Result: W 2-1

Another match, another 2-1 scoreline. Fortunately for the Futility Kings, this one was yet another victory. The key to winning this match for Big Pimento was possession. They were able to control the ball for 57% of the match and moved the ball as well as they had all tournament. The defence also continued to play well, as they’ve looked impressive in every match besides the Cockbill Street encounter.

Match 6 @ Aust
World Rank: 150
Result: W 0-2

Big Pimento did not disappoint in their first opportunity to showcase their skills against lower opposition. The Pimentos continued to build on their momentum and collected their third victory in succession. Aust played solid defence and made an interesting game out of this one, as it was a one-goal affair for most of the match until Bong Jong-Il potted an insurance marker in injury time. It’s also important to note that this is Big Pimento’s first clean sheet of the tournament.

Match 7 vs Korinthos
World Rank: 110
Result: T 2-2

Newcomers Korinthos came into Big Pimento surging and riding a two match win streak. The visitors put up a game effort, and in one of Big Pimento’s most entertaining matches of qualification, came away with a 2-2 draw. Kristakovichlalinki Jr. and Jong-Il scored the goals for Big Pimento. Korinthos will have to be a team to look out for in the second half of qualification as they are really heating up.

So it seems we ask this question every time: Does Big Pimento have a chance of qualifying? Of course they do. They’re sitting in third right now and looking pretty good. However, to further their hopes of qualification, they’ll be looking forward to two key matches, Matchday 9 against Oddslavo and Matchday 11 against Commerce Heights. Both these matches are on the road and both are against opposition just behind them in the standings. If the Futilty Kings can pull out two good results from those matches, they should be sitting pretty for the World Cup.

Starting off Equal

Apparently, during the match between Eauz and Krytenia, Les Bleus were not scoring against Vernazza, but another keeper. Apparently, Vernazza was injured and was not playing during the match We are sorry about the mix-up.

We’re off to Pterodactyl, to start off the second half of qualifying. The first time these two teams met, Eauz won 2 – 0 Alia and team were expecting another easy match, and to add three more points to their total. It wouldn’t be easy though, as the stadium was packed with Pterodactyl fans all screaming and shouting. One wouldn’t realise that this team was sitting in last place with 1 point with all the excited fans in the stands. We pick this one up in the 15th minute of play, as the once dormant Pterodactyl offence surprised the Eauz team, and put on a few attacks. A shot was taken, which was deflected to the right side by Bedeau. It fell into possession though of a Ptero player, who let go of another shot, but it sailed over the net. Les Bleus also had their chances, as during the 23rd minute of play, Vasser passed it off to Lacavailler, who let a shot off, but it sailed just wide of the net. Les Bleus got the ball back, and this time it was Alia who somehow got a shot off, despite being heavily guarded, but the Ptero keeper was there to make the save. During the 42nd minute, Eauz finally opened the scoring off of a corner kick, which combined with the header of Theodoric, put Eauz up 1 – 0 heading into recess.

It appeared that despite the new look Ptero team, Eauz was going to take this match, as they were in control of the ball in the first half for about 73%. Fans though were not going to leave, as they wanted to see their team beat Eauz. For some reason though, quite possibly to rest his team for future matches, manager Joseuf pulled a few players, Alia, Vasser and Devereux, hoping that his backups would get some playing time, and also help secure the victory. Up until the 84th minute of play, things seemed to go well, as his team seemed to become a brick. At the 84th mark, Bedeau sent a pass towards Costé who somehow lost control of it, going into possession of a Ptero forward. The Forward was all alone, and stuffed it in the far corner, giving Bedeau no chance. This shocked the Eauz team and their fans, as the match was about to end and Ptero tied it up. This mistake would be a big one for Eauz, as they head into the final stretch of qualifying. Despite this disappointing fact, Eauz did earn the 1 point, keeping them on top, and their undefeated streak alive. Les Bleus will return to home, where they have had a great record of 3 – 0 – 0 so far in this qualifying round. At the end of the match, it left Joseuf scratching his head, as to how he can get this team back to winning shape.


Group 1 P W D L GF GA Pts GD
Eauz 8 5 3 0 16 6 18 +10
Rejistania 8 6 0 2 15 6 18 +9
Krytenia 8 4 3 1 15 9 15 +6
Shonar Bangla 8 3 3 2 10 9 12 +1
Oceaice 8 3 3 2 11 10 12 -1
Lamoni 8 2 1 5 7 18 7 -11
Limp Wristed Fish 8 1 1 6 7 15 4 -8
Pterodactyl 8 0 2 6 6 14 2 -8


Match Day 1: Pterodactyl @ Eauz W 0 - 2
Match Day 2: Eauz @ Lamoni W 4 - 1
Match Day 3: Limp Wristed Fish @ Eauz W 0 - 3
Match Day 4: Eauz @ Oceaice T 2 - 2
Match Day 5: Eauz @ Rejistania W 1 - 0
Match Day 6: Eauz @ Shonar Bangla T 2 - 2
Match Day 7: Krytenia @ Eauz W 1 - 2

Match Day 8: Eauz @ Pterodactyl T 1 - 1
Match Day 9: Lamoni @ Eauz
Match Day 10: Eauz @ Limp Wristed Fish
Match Day 11: Oceaice @ Eauz
Match Day 12: Rejistania @ Eauz
Match Day 13: Shonar Bangla @ Eauz
Match Day 14: Eauz @ Krytenia

Karela! Karela! Karela!
We Admit It - We Were Wrong

Okay. Journalists are perhaps not the most humble of the human species, but the entire press bench in Dance 2 Revolution were last seen eating large portions of Margaret's special brand of humble pie (recipe copyrighted by the Frost-Free Borderlands, before Huey, Dewey and Louie Duck get on their hobby-horses again).

Before the match against Dance 2 Revolution, everyone had latched onto the figure of three conceded goals against Commerce Heights, saying that if the fabled System Karela didn't keep the sheet clean, how would it then succeed? Simple - by modifications and massive amounts of sheer, sheer, sheer luck.

Not taking anything away from the Streetian team, because this was truly a special performance. Dance 2 Revolution Many foreigners seem to overestimate its achievements, just like we underestimate them, but six wins in seven games have put the Streetians as the fifth best in the world after 7 matches.

Granted, the match was perhaps not the most entertaining (why do you think I've spent three paragraphs waffling?) - but it was certainly nail-biting, given that Dance 2 Revolution had most of the play. Kansu Lyku revealed afterwards that that was the plan, getting Underwood warmed up early so he wouldn't make as many blunders when the match progressed. That seemed to work out well - Stuart Underwood probably played his best match in the Streetian shirt, making at least three match-saving saves despite Über's uber-great skills at getting the ball in the area.

Then, with seventy-two minutes played and the Streetians seemingly content with a 0-0 result, Qi fouled Peters idiotically as she was trying to pass the ball back. John Swytherton stepped up, curled the ball around the wall, into the post, into keeper Verdio Day, and into the net.

Thus, the Streetians pulled off their luckiest victory yet, but charge on towards the Bekk. Their next four matches could secure qualification, although that probably requires four wins and a bit of luck with the other results.

Dance 2 Revolution 0
Cockbill Street 1 (Swytherton 73)

Cockbill Street ratings: Underwood 8 - Stronginthearm 6, Dwarfclobberer 6 (Widdleston on 69), Galena 6, Axewielder 5, Walker 5 - McLavish 6, Heimfoething 6, Swytherton 7 - Peters 5, Moissanite 6 (Canning on 80)
Dance 2 Revolution ratings: Day 6 - Jiangin 6, Qi 5, Kirotopniyis 6, Derinda 6 - Maeda Jr. 5, Li 6, Yurijionto 6, Niimo 5 - Über 7, Bank 6

John Carlson (JC): We're ready for the kick-off of this important qualifying match between the Warriors and Jerusalem. This match is going to be an epic battle between two good teams. Jerusalem will kick-off. Both teams have an aura of determination radiating from them today. The Warriors want to prove that their victory in Jerusalem was no fluke, and that they deserve to be mentioned as a team with a legitimite chance to qualify. Meanwhile, Jerusalem wants to re-establish superiority and prove that their home loss to open the Cup was a fluke. The referee's whistle blows and we are underway...


**11th minute**
JC: Jerusalem has controlled play here in the early going. However, not to the same extent that they did in the opening match of qualifying. However, they have a penalty shot coming after Claire Paulson got a little too much forearm into Gregorium. Shami to take the penalty for Jerusalem...he approaches the ball...and his leg whips through and drives the ball into the net for the goal, and an early 1-0 Jerusalem lead. The SRO crowd here in the House of Prayer is quieted by that goal, but is still quite enthusiastic because they know that the Warriors can come back and make this a match yet.

David Tall (DT): That's right, John. The Warriors aren't out of this match by any stretch of the imagination. They've proven that in the last two matches by overcoming deficits to earn points. However, Jerusalem is not an easy team to come back against.

Lisa Simonson (LS): You're exactly right, David. Jerusalem is very tough to earn points against once they take the lead, so the Warriors need to kill the momentum quickly, or this match could get ugly.


**16th minute**
JC: Jerusalem has continued to dominate this match...they have the ball again...Shabmaran gets behind the defense...he shoots...save by Sarah Walker...but the rebound bounces right to Shami...who deposits the ball into the empty side of the Warriors' net for the goal. Jerusalem's lead has grown to 2-0.

LS: The Warriors are in a lot of trouble, John. They don't have the offensive firepower to lay seige to Jerusalem.
**David pelts her with a rotten tomato**
What was that for?

DT: You know perfectly well that was for. Coach Johnson is giving his team an earful at the moment, becuase they can't seem to do anything right today.

LS: Sure enough...Coach Johnson has called his team over and wants to talk about things. They certainly are done for today. There is no way they'll be able to come back from down 0-2.


**21st minute**
JC: The Warriors have taken control of possession for most of the last few minutes, after Jerusalem jumped out to a 2-0 lead. Jenna Sullivan with the ball near midfield...she's bringing it forward...she passes to Ashley Gore, who shoots from long distance...and the ball finds its way past Amin for a WARRIORS GOAL!!! The Warriors now trail 1-2. This match certainly has the makings of a shootout.

LS: With this being group play, we won't have a shootout if this match ends up tied. However, there is no way that the Warriors will be able to keep this up for the remaining 69 minutes.

DT: The Warriors just took the wind out of the Jerusalem morale, though on the field the wind has died down. I can't believe that the Warriors are going to pull of a sweep of Jerusalem.


**Halftime**
JC: Here at halftime, Jerusalem still leads the Warriors 2-1 in what has been an extremely offensive match so far. Does this result surprise you?

LS: Not really. Jerusalem wasn't going to be easy to sweep, so I figured they were going to come out aggressively. However, I didn't expect there to be three goals scored in the first 21 minutes of the match.

DT: What surprises me is the fact that this match is so high scoring. I expect we'll see at least one or two more goals in the second half.

JC: What will be the keys to the second half?

DT: The Warriors need to keep controlling the possesion time. If they can do that, then they'll be better off for staying in the match for the long run.

LS: Jerusalem merely needs to keep playing the way they have been. There is no way that the Warriors will be able to keep this level of play up for another half.

JC: We need to take a commercial break so we can be back for the start of the second half of this epic qualifying match between the Warriors and Jerusalem.


**90th minute**
JC: The Warriors have continued to dominate the flow of play here in the second half. However, Amin has been up to the task. At the moment, Jerusalem has possession and seems certain to be picking up the three points and ending the Warriors unbeaten streak at four...Luke Royal intercepts the pass...and he lofts a pass down the sideline to Thomas Larson...who puts a quick move and bursts by Johnny Coward to midfield...Silverstein is quickly closing on Larson...Larson launches the ball towards the net from midfield...Amin waits for it...he moves out towards the edge of the box to field the ball as it comes down...but it carries farther than he anticipated...it lands behind him and bounces INTO THE NET!!! THOMAS LARSON HAS DONE IT AGAIN!!! Larson scores from midfield in the 90th minute to tie this match at 2-2.

DT: Amazing... :eek:

LS: I have no idea why Amin came out that far to try to play that ball...he should have stayed between the posts and let the ball come to him.
**whistle blows**
JC: There's the final whistle, as the Warriors have yet another prayer answered in the form of a Thomas Larson goal in the final minute to salvage a point against Jerusalem, and to remain third in Group 3. However, their next match is in Iansisle, who is the team that is now fourth in the group. Not to mention, Iansisle blew out the Warriors here 0-4 in their last meeting. If the Warriors can steal a point from that match, then they will be very, very happy. For David Tall and Lisa Simonson, I'm John Carlson...Good night everybody.



Praying2God 2 Gore (21), Larson (90)
Jerusalem 2 Shami (11, 16)





Group 3 P W D L GF GA Pts GD
Crystilakere 8 4 4 0 15 6 16 +9
Jeruselem 8 4 3 1 16 11 15 +5
Praying2God 8 4 2 2 9 11 14 -2
Iansisle 8 4 1 3 17 11 13 +6
Legalese 8 3 2 3 15 10 11 +5
Eystrck 8 2 5 1 11 10 11 +1
South Osettia 8 1 2 5 11 21 5 -10
Nevigrad 8 0 1 7 2 16 1 -14

Philosophers beginning good run?
Hopefully, as SyLy's men win two on the trot

Gareth Dussis must have been a happy man yesterday. The first match with him at the helm of the Football Association of Liverpool England [FALE] produced a 5-0 away thumping of Ratvipa - the second time the Ratvipans had lost 5-0 to the Philosophers.

The Philosophers had a good game, five different players (three off the bench) scoring in the 2nd, 15th, 61st, 74th and 83rd minutes - and the Ratvipans were totally dominated 61-38 in terms of percentage of possession.

Oddly enough, the exact same bizarre occurances that took place in the reverse fixture repeated themselves, although there were no reports of arrests - perhaps this is what Ratvipans do for a living - flooding footie pitches. We're glad to report there were no sendings off, though.

Match Stats, Ratvipa - Liverpool England
Goals 0-5
Attempts on Goal 1-27
Attempts on target 0-9
Attempts off target 1-18
Minutes of Possession 33-53
Percentage of Possession 38-61
Yellow Cards 4-2
Red Cards 0-0

Vikings gain momentum, defeat Nouveau Richelieu again for back to back victories

Nothing beats success like success. Just ask Vikings captian Jorje Mendel, whose goal in the 82nd minute provided the push that Fmjphoenix needed to get back to back victories for the first time this qualification, with a 2-1 victory over last place Nouveau Richelieu. After their emotional win over Bedistan on their turf last match, the Vikings went back to Fmjphoenix before they traveled to Nouveau Richelieu for their second road match in a row. Sometimes its tough to follow up a upset performance, but the Vikings showed poise as they prepare to make a second half comeback and try to unseat one of the other three teams ahead of them to qualify for the first time in their history.

This match started off very dull, as the Vikings looked rather sluggish from having traveled from Bedistan back to Fmjphoenix, then to Nouveau Richelieu. There was not scoring until the 37th minute when Nouveau Richelieu struck first to go up 1-0. They were lucky to hold on to the one goal deficit before the half ended, because it looked like Nouveau Richelieu was going to strike again but their last shot in time stoppage went wide right. Fmjphoenix went into the locker room looking tired and weary, and not in any real condition to play football.

At the start of the second half though, it looked like a different Vikings football team that came charging out of the locker room. They looked revitalized, energized, and ready to play hard, which is exactly what they did. It is not known what happened in the locker room during the intermission to revitalize the players, although there was speculation that they drank coffee from the Golden Cafetiere, which is supposed to produce the best coffee known to and civilized race. But whatever it was, Fmjphoenix came back with a vengenge. At the 51st minute, Jason Mitchell took a pass that was lined perfectly between two Nouveau Richelieu defenders, and hooked a shot right out of the reach of their goalkeeper to tie the match up. The next 30 minutes was spent with the Vikings pounding away with shots, no matter where it was at. They took 25 shots in 30 minutes, and it was all the Nouveau Richelieu side could do to prevent a goal from going in. After a failed shot by Nouveau Richelieu, Powell Lamar launched the ball upfield to Larry Brown who passed it to Jorge Mendel, who launched a shot at the net that the Nouveau Richelieu goalkeeper just could not get to for the second and last goal of the night at the 82nd minute to put the Vikings up 2-1.

This was how the Vikings were expected to play at the beginning of the cup, as a tough team that could mess up a lot of peoples plans. Maybe now the planets have all aligned correctly or maybe the young team has finally decided to play strong, but whatever the reason, they look poised and ready to make a run for the finals!

Fmjphoenix: 2
(Mitchell 51, Mendel 82)

Nouveau Richelieu: 1
(Unknown)

World Cup XX Qualification:
MD01: Fmjphoenix vs. Nouveau Richelieu Win 4-2
MD02: Fmjphoenix @ Haperd Lose 1-2
MD03: Fmjphoenix vs. Qia Lose 0-1
MD04: Fmjphoenix @ Ninurta Win 4-1
MD05: Fmjphoenix @ Sarzonia Lose 2-3
MD06: Fmjphoenix vs. Total n Utter Insanity Lose 0-3
MD07: Fmjphoenix @ Bedistan Win 2-1
------------------------------------------------
MD08: Fmjphoenix @ Noveau Richelieu Win 2-1
MD09: Fmjphoenix vs. Hapred
MD10: Fmjphoenix @ Qia
MD11: Fmjphoenix vs. Ninurta
MD12: Fmjphoenix vs. Sarzonia
MD13: Fmjphoenix @ Total n Utter Insanity
MD14: Fmjphoenix vs. Bedistan
Record: 4-0-4

THE HERALD SPORTS DIGEST

Fish Food

IT'S all to play for in Group one after today's results. Eauz's inexplicable draw against Pterodactyl, coupled with Rejistania's victory over Oceaice, leaves the top two seperated only by goal difference. Our own Celestials occupy the third and final qualifying spot, three points behind the leaders, with the Pirates fourth and a further three points back.

The game was a steamrollering affair, and rather than bore you with the gory details, we'll just give you a lowdown of the scorers. Acienko Rimmer crashed home a shot from 20 yards for the first, with Ashley Moreaux bagging the second.

He Scores Headers Off Corners.

Rimmer nabbed his second, a rather scrambled effort, early in the second half, and though Limp Wristed Fish got one back, Dave Van Staveren's free kick effectively killed the game. The final goal, scored by the Fish, was merely a consolation.

Next up, a crucial tie, as the Celestials face the Pirates of Oceaice. A win for the Celestials would mean a massive advantage in the qualification race with just five games remaining. And who knows, the top two could falter...

LIMP WRISTED FISH........2
Addick 51, 88
KRYTENIA......................4
Rimmer 17, 48
Moreaux 33
Van Staveren 68

H v LWF : W 2-1 (Downhead Park, Kallia)
A v OCE : D 1-1
H v PTE : D 0-0 (Sixways Stadium, Avidia)
A v LAM : W 3-0
A v SHB : D 1-1
H v REJ : W 3-2 (Davis Memorial Stadium, Everton City)
A v EAZ : L 1-2
A v LWF : W 4-2
H v OCE : ????? (Mellion Lane, Davisham)
A v PTE : ?????
H v LAM : ????? (Oxley Park, Everton City)
H v SHB : ????? (New Coalfields, New Osteria)
A v REJ : ?????
H v EAZ : ????? (Davis Memorial Stadium, Everton City)

Hiiraan loses once more to Squornshelous
Next: The Eagles Nest

After a Hard match the Hiiraanian Men Have Lost once more to Squornshelous, The match started great, however before the half way the match the Squornshelous scored 2 goals, at the start of the second half Squornshelous scored a third goal which made the Hiiraanian men hard to comeback, the team however has not lost that sprinkling keen spirit that beat Liverpool England and tied TEN on the first half competitions.

The Hiiraanian next match is against The Eagles next which we tied 1-1 last half of this competition, we certainly don’t look to tie now; we are looking for nothing less than a win, The Hiiraanian men have said this before and will said it again and again, There should be no way that a team we tied can beat us, we will work hard to defeat them even if it costs us many more matches.

The Squornshelous however are feeling good now after a win against us which propelled them to a good third place in the competition, the place we seek to be, the place we will try to be and the place we all hope we are at the end of this second round of competition.

"We have lost, however that does not mean we have lost our goals and our spirit to fight on" said the coach in his daily de-briefing to the press, at this moment the team is at training camp Samantar where they will host the Eagles to a lavish Breakfast once they come tomorrow.

Even the President is due to meet the Eagles on field with the Hiiraanians tomorrow, The Eagles are one of the most respected team Hiiraanian which made them the #2 in Merchandising sellers of Football gear right next to the Hiiraanian men.

There are estimated 3% Hiiraanians in the other side of the world in Eagles Nest, they were welcomed with opened arms after the 2 month Hiiraanian Revolution, the Match itself has nothing to do with this celebrations, however everyone still hopes that the match could start so they can see who will win, hopefully its US against the world mentality so that we can find ground in the next few matches that will certainly make it difficult for any of us to look for the third position that every analyst in Hiiraan is talking about.

Records

4 -3-1

MD01: Squornshelous L 4-1
MD02: The Eagles Nest D 1-1
MD03: The Weegies L 3-1
MD04: Liverpool England W 1-0
MD05: Kingsford L 2-0
MD06: Ratvipa W 3-0
MD07: Antaeus Rising W 2-0
MD08:@Squornshelous L 1-3
MD09:@The Eagles Nest
MD010:@The Weegies
MD011:@Liverpool England
MD012:@Kingsford
MD013:@Ratviba
MD014:@Antaeus Rising

Table:


Group 9 P W D L GF GA Pts GD
The Weegies 8 5 1 2 13 7 16 +6
Kingsford 8 4 1 3 10 10 13 +2
Squornshelous 8 4 2 2 22 11 14 +11
Liverpool England 8 4 1 3 18 7 13 +11
Hiiraan 8 3 1 4 10 13 10 -3
The Eagles Nest 8 3 3 2 10 7 12 +3
Antaeus Rising 8 3 0 5 6 17 9 -11
Ratvipa 8 1 1 6 2 19 4 -17

Lethislavania [1] - [2] Turori

It was a dark and stormy night...

Wait... That's stealing.

Dark, menacing clouds lazily arched over the curvature of the earth, their targets locked on Leninstan. This was the worst storm season in history, as though God had sent his wrath upon the faire people. The stadiums were light up, spectacular light showering the field from the monsterous stadia lighting.

Taking the field, their bodies shivering from the immense drop in the temperature, the Turorians looked valiant and confident.

Lethislavania?

Once again, morale was absent. Disheveld and old looking, it seemed very... odd. To say the least, it was disheartening. Shouts of praise launched out of the stands, attacking the players. Thomas weakly raised his arm and waved, his hand moving steadily.

Jutar Ranaso began the Turorian onslaught, as he pushed up the field. Johnathan Lipsky began to tussle with him, trying to expertfully lodge the ball out. However, Ranaso nailed it over to Akamoari Liano, who proceded to pull back his leg. Like a sprin, the reserved energy unleashed, sending the ball spiraling into the goal, above Jorge's head.

Later, the game was no better, but Thomas Boeing brought a last valient charge before the half ended, launching a half-field shot that soared past the Turorian goalie.

Ugh... And they scored again.

No fun.

At all.

Hiiraan Defeated, despite a valient effort

Squornshleous moves into second place with their first away victory, thanks to a loss by Kingsford
Although Pschycho fans were worried for a moment when Hiiraan went up early in the first half, they were quickly relieved as Squornshelous took the lead by halftime and topped it off with another goal in the second half. The first goal was scored by Saleebaan Mahamed Xaashi when he beat Sven Erikson in the 14th minute, before the Squornshelan defense was fully alert. "We came out flat and let in a stupid goal, it happens and you move on," said Erikson after the match. Squornshelous tied it up in the 28th minute, when Alexander Popov recieved a hard pass at chest level from Jako Arnesson. With his back to the goal, instead of trapping the ball, Popov allowed himself to fall backwards and brought his leg up in a bicycle kick, catching Kamaal Ali Umar off guard. The go-ahead goal came when Popov, recieving a similar pass, chest trapped it and popped it over his shouldder to Gerrard, who shielded the ball froma defender and passed to Washinton, who had a wide open shot. As Hiiraan tapped the ball for the ensuing kickoff, the halftime whistle sounded. Jako Arnesson put in the insurance goal in the 63rd minute, immediately following a corner. Washington curved the ball across the goal, but Umar leaped up to punch it clear. unfortunately for Hiiraan, Arnesson was waiting and sent the ball into the unguarded net.

Final Score:
Squornshelous 3-1 Hiiraan

Scoring Summary:
HI: Xaashi [14]
SQ: Popov [28]
SQ: Washington [45]
SQ: Arnesson [63]

Squornshelous' Scorers:
Gerrard: 8
Popov: 7
Arnesson: 4
Washington: 3

Group 9 Standings After Matchday 6:

Group 9 P W D L GF GA Pts GD
The Weegies 8 5 1 2 13 7 16 +6
Squornshelous 8 4 2 2 22 11 14 +11
Liverpool England 8 4 1 3 18 7 13 +11
Kingsford 8 4 1 3 10 10 13 +2
The Eagles Nest 8 3 3 2 10 7 12 +3
Hiiraan 8 3 1 4 10 13 10 -3
Antaeus Rising 8 3 0 5 6 17 9 -11
Ratvipa 8 1 1 6 2 19 4 -17

This is the correct order for group 9. Assuming all math is correct (which it is as far as I can tell) Squornshelous is in second place with 14 points, over LE and Kingsford, who each have 13.

Squornshelous' Qualifying Schedule:
Wins Draws Losses
MD01: Squornshelous 4-1 Hiiraan
MD02: Ratvipa 1-0 Squornshelous
MD03: Squornshelous 6-0 Antaeus Rising
MD04: Kingsford 3-2 Squornshelous
MD05: The Eagles Nest 2-2 Squornshelous
MD06: Liverpool England 2-2 Squornshelous
MD07: Squornshelous 3-1 The Weegies
MD08: Hiiraan 1-3 Squornshelous
MD09: Squornshelous v Ratvipa
MD10: Antaeus Rising v Squornshelous
MD11: Squornshelous v Kingsford
MD12: Squornshelous v The Eagles Nest
MD13: Squornshelous v Liverpool England
MD14: The Weegies v Squornshelous

Squornshelous' Record:
Home: 3-0-0
Away: 1-2-2
Overall: 4-2-2

Up Next: Ratvipa
On the one hand, Squornshelous is in good position in the group, but must continue to win to stay there. The Pschychoes are also eager to avenge their 1-0 defeat at the hands of Ratvipa earlier in qualifying. On the other hand, Ratvipa has been practically eliminated from qualifying and has little to play for beyond pride. This one goes to the Pschychoes.
Prediction: Squornshelous 2-0 Ratvipa

John Carlson (JC): Welcome to Iansisle where the Warriors have come to play Iansisle in another important match in WC XX qualifying. The Warriors are hanging on to the third qualifying position with all their might, but this might be the day they lose it, as Iansisle only is one point behind them, and the beat the Warriors 4-0 at the House of Prayer in their first meeting.

David Tall (DT): That may be true, John, but the Warriors are out to prove that they can play with the big boys, having taken 7 points already fromt the top four ranked sides in the group so far (out of a possible 15). Needless to say, the Warriors have had quite a respectable showing so far against the best, and they've been taking care of business against the other teams as well, taking 7 of 9 points against the other three teams in their group.

Lisa Simonson (LS): However, the Warriors have not taken any points against Iansisle and Crystilakere, the top two ranked teams in the group, and the Warriors' next two opponents. If the Warriors get any points from these next two matches, they would definitely be a serious contender to qualify, especially if they can pull an upset. However, that is highly unlikely.

JC: What do expect to see on the field today?

DT: I expect that we'll see a closer match than the first time. The Warriors were still trying to get their legs under them at that time, and have since found their legs, and are in the middle of a five match unbeaten streak. Iansisle doesn't have the recent string of success that the Warriors do, but they have a drastic advantage in the head-to-head match-up.

LS: This will be an ugly match to watch if your a Warriors fan. There won't be much fight in this team today, as Iansisle will completely out-fight and dominate the Warriors. The Warriors face insurmountable odds today.

JC: What will be the keys to this match?

LS: For Iansisle it will simply be not over-looking the Warriors, because if they do that this match will be closer than expected.

DT: The Warriors are resting their hopes where they did against Jerusalem in both matches...in their solid defense (which wasn't so solid at home against Jerusalem) and in their stars, Sarah Walker and Thomas Larson. If both of them produce, then this will be a tight match.

JC: Any predictions for today's match?

DT: Walker, Larson, and company come through and get the Warriors a chance to pull this match out. This match ends in a 2-2 draw, as the Warriors retain third place in the table.

LS: I drastically disagree, David. The Warriors don't belong on the same field as Iansisle will blowout the Warriors 6-0.

JC: I disagree with both of you. The Warriors will keep it closeer than expected, but Iansisle end prevail 0-2. We need to go to commercial so we can bring you this match live from Iansisle just before the start of this important qualifying match between the Warriors and Iansisle.

Squorn's table is still incorrect: Kingsford's GF-GA of 10-10 should not give a -2 GD.

Starblaydia: A Lonely Day in July

---------------------Well Folks, there you have it. The shape of Starblaydian history formed one lonely day in July, 2004. It was the 27th to be exact. Rodriguez Da Silva, a little known Goalkeeper with a samba heritage was unveiled as the new first-choice goalkeeper for the Starblaydia national team. Da Salva was at the center of a high-profile transfer in Starblaydia, before the Alpha Division was really cared about by the rest of the world. It was World Cup 16, and Starblaydia had just finished their first World Cup. The financial success of Iskara Daii coincided just right with the economic downfall in the Sorma region of Vilita, to provide the catalyst for Starblaydia's rise to the World Cup forefront.

Champions add to winning squad

In the run-up to WC16 Qualifiers, newly-crowned Starblaydi Alpha League champions Iskara Daii have made two signings.

Rodriguez Da Silva, 24, recently announced as the #1 for the Starblaydia national team has moved from Internashionale to the Daii in a shock move for an undisclosed fee, thought to be in the region of 8 million Credits (around £4M). Rodriguez stated he 'enjoyed his time at Inter, but feels he has to be winning trophies to keep his new place in the national side'.

Ceri Salisbury, 21, has been snapped up after being released from the Vilitan Stellar League club Yutzie Sorma. Salisbury is thought to be the 'missing link' at right-back for the Daii, a mirror to 23 year-old Rastian Salaam at left-back. This move can only improve his chances of being seen by the national coach.

For those interested, Iskara is a district within the Starblaydi captial of Jhanna, while 'Daii' is the ancient Starblaydi word for 'knights', akin to 'Samurai'.

---------------------While no one was terribly interested at the time, it is fascinating to look back and analyze the details behind the Starblaydian sporting revolution. For some reason, the Yutzie Sorma Football Club, a semi-nomadic Vilitan team is used to success in the Vilitan League System. Regularly participant in the Vilitan Stellar Division, the nomads have never produced a single Vilitan International, and are not generally known for their eye for talent. The Yutzies invited young Ceri Salisbury to train with them on a regular basis after being noticed in a pick-up game while visiting friends from his university. Salisbury went on to make a few appearances for Yutzie Sorma, but the nomads moved on and could not afford to cover the costs of keeping the foreigner for whom they considered no more than a decent fill-in player on their official roster. Upon his sudden drop from the competition in the Stellar Division, Salisbury contemplated quitting altogether, fearing he'd never get a chance as good as he had to prove his ability. Then came the offer from Iskara Daii. The Daii gave Salisbury and offer he could not refuse. The fill-in player that couldn't find a home in the Vilitan League would go on to become the backbone of the Iskara Daii defense for 20 Starblaydian years, until retiring following the recent World Club Championships. Salisbury was one of the many public faces throughout his 30's, and never missed a beat when the Nations of the World Cup came to Starblaydia for the first time.

#2 Right Back

"The Starblaydi Right-Back can be a curious creature. Always industrious, ever-solid. Yet every one is marked out by a hint of genius, skill or some other quality that raises them to greatness.

"For your consideration:"


Ceri Salisbury
Able to play at Right- or Centre-Back, Ceri's attacking abilites were used best at Full-Back where his pace and control would get him up the pitch. Seen as a right-sided Left-Back, if that made any sense, he would fly down the wings. His real ability, however, lay in deadly-accurate Free-Kicks, which had pace, power, curve and dip. Awesome going forward, yet not too shabby at the back, either.
His Record: 2 WCQs (2 Finals), 1 CoH, 2 AOCAFs, 1 EC
Goals: 6

"And the winner is: Ceri Salisbury."



---------------------The crowd applauded and the entire back row lept in cheers, as Ceri Salisbury stood up and began to walk up to the stage, greeting the already-awarded Rodriguez da Silva on the way. There was one face in the crowd, however. A long-bearded man in a winter jacket walked towards the exits. No one knew who it was at the time, but it became apparent when Salisbury spoke. He spoke of a chat he had earlier in the evening with his former coach at Yutzie Sorma. He said the two spoke of all the things he had achieved at Iskara Daii, and the advances he had made with his national team. The nomad spoke of how things could have been so different for his beloved Yutzie's if they had just recognized the talent that Ceri would go on to possess, but that he only regretted one thing. Ceri inquired of his former coach what this was. The nomad replyed simply with "I knew." and collected his things.

"Did you get it?"

"Yeah, I got it. It was the perfect drop - nobody supected a thing."

"Good. Now we just need to make a plan."

"We need to know his routine. What he does, where he goes and at what time."

"It'll need to be some place public, to make an example of him."

"I think we'll need to recruit someone on the inside. There's always someone willing to turn to the dark side if you flash the cash."

"Anyone in particular?"

"Oh yes. I have the perfect person for the job..."

***

Day nine (or at least I thought it was, I'd kinda lost count). Crystilakere were our next opponents, and another mauling was expected. However, more importantly to me at the moment was that Iansisle were playing P2G, and that a win for Iansisle would put them third, ahead of P2G. They say these things straighten themselves out over time. I had a feeling I wouldn't have to wait too long.

"You know what I think we should do, Emmett?"

"No, but I'm sure it's something particularly stupid and pointless."

"I think we should adopt a panda."

"See, I was right."

"Think about it. Our team hasn't got an official mascot yet. Why not have a panda?"

"Because...it's a panda! What relevance has a panda got to our country?"

"It's white."

"It's black too."

"It's socially diverse, then."

"No, it isn't. Our national creature is...what is our national creature?"

"I'm not sure."

"Well, whatever it is, it's not a panda."

"It might be the armadillo."

"I've never seen an armadillo before - how can it be our national animal?"

"They live in the forest, Emmett. They don't got to pubs and clubs to socialise. Then again, neither do you."

"I socialise with people."

"Where?"

"At...the social club."

"Which social club?"

"The one...across the road from...Lenny's Bar."

"You mean the bank?"

"...that's not the point though is it? The point is, we cannot and will not be adopting a panda bear."

"But we could call it something really cute, like...Pom Pom."

"Or Dim Sum."

"No, Emmett."

"Or Chow Mein."

"Okay, now you're just being stupid."

"Oh, because suggesting we adopt a panda isn't stupid at all!"

"So...should I file this under 'Maybe'?"

"No, file it under 'Polly's Pointless And Stupid Ideas'."

"We don't have that one - should I make it?"

"Please do. Then we can put half of the things discussed in this office under it."

"I think you're making fun of me now."

"Really?"

"Yes. Say...we're due a bit of good fortune. Maybe we'll beat Crystilakere today."

"Polly, if we beat Crystilakere, I will buy that Panda, I will look after it, and I will come in every day for a week wearing an 'I Love Pandas' t-shirt. Okay?"

"That sounds fair."

"No, the point is, it will never happen."

"It might."

"With our luck, it won't."

"You'll see." I was starting to hope we'd lose today - I didn't particular want a panda in my apartment, and I'm sure the landlady wouldn't approve either.

This time the magical camera of RP zooms to Siki Rej, who went for a wallk after the match, it zooms very near and the sound is on full level, we know that there is an undocumented feature in it, so we tweak the settings a bit until... we hear his thoughts:

Only 2:1 against Oceaice, the Orange-Blues did even concede a goal... of course, this was no 'Adams Island', but this match was not really good... I did everything possible... I guess it happens sometimes, but if it happens against Eauz... or against Krytenia, yes they will know that that is a match of the season, but still... it's likely... why did I create the Hexatux at all? I only got problems from it... I had to flee to Psytroxia, I was in a ceased nation for quite a time, with alcohol free beer and a first league, which was at amateur level at best... Did I learn from it? No, for slani's sake! I created Hexatux 2! I spent my time programming, debugging and what for?

In some distance, we hear Baker Street from Gary Rafferty, due to the FUBAR settings of the magical camera of RP, it is so loud, that it hurts our ears. Siki stops and tries to find the direction, it comes from. He can not find it, so he just stands there and listens, he can not hear the words, but he knows the lyrics good enough that he thinks of them when he hears it (we select the relevancy filter in the magical camera of RP):

You used to think that it was so easy,
You used to say that it was so easy
But you?re tryin?, you?re tryin? now.
Another year and then you?d be happy
Just one more year and then you?d be happy
But you?re cryin?, you?re cryin? now.

He is not crying, just having these thoughts...


But you know he?ll always keep movin?
You know he?s never gonna stop movin?
Cause he?s rollin?, he?s the rollin? stone.
And when you wake up it?s a new morning
The sun is shining, it?s a new morning
But you?re going, you?re going home.


He smiles a bit, 'a new morning, the sun is shining'... yes... It will change in Sike, I'll tell the team about the crappy performance and my thoughts about it... I know that I can not give it all up...

Matchday 9 Scores and Tables are now available here. (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=8005760&postcount=11)

Jeruselem Government News

Group 3 trinity roll on

Match days 8 and 9 have producing nothing exceptional.

Jeruselem drew Godly-rivals Praying2God 2-2 then beat Nevigrad 2-1 to keep 2nd spot in Group 3. Again P2G caused problems for Jeruselem but P2G didn't get the 3 points and had to settle with 1. Jeruselem's form is consistent but not spectacular with few big wins. However, with one loss it's not all bad.

Crystilakere did much the same as Jeruselem. Eystrck held the Crystils to a 1 ALL draw then South Osettia got flattened 3-0. They look good to top Group 3 with a super-mean defense.

Iansisle broke their rut of bad games and got 2 wins. South Osettia got thumped 3-0 and they pushed out P2G 2-1. They are now 3rd replacing P2G. They have 5 wins like the top 2 except for their bad run of losses didn't help the early campaign.

Praying2God suffered with 1 point from 2 games with the Jeruselem draw and their loss to Iansisle. They fell back to 4th and Legalese made ground. Legalese managed a draw and a win to revive their hopes. Eystrck got 2 draws and have 12 points like Legalese. They are still in the running, but need to win more.

South Osettia and Nevigrad lost all their games and look destined to fill the bottom 2 for the Group.

Silly Sams Group 3 awards
* Best offense = Crystilakere, Jeruselem and Iansisle. Tough one to decide between these 3
* Best defense = Crystilakere. No wonder they won the World Cup XIX ...
* Worst offense = Nevigrad. 3 goals in 9 games, not good.
* Worst defense = South Osettia. 24 goals conceded is really bad.
* Most unpredictable = Legalese. The good, bad and just mediocre with 3 of each

Group 3 (MD8)
Eystrck [1] Crystilakere [1]
South Osettia [0] Iansisle [3]
Praying2God [2] Jeruselem [2]
Nevigrad [0] Legalese [3]

Group 3 (MD9)
Legalese [2] Eystrck [2]
Crystilakere [3] South Osettia [0]
Iansisle [2] Praying2God [1]
Jeruselem [2] Nevigrad [1]


Group 3 P W D L GF GA Pts GD
Crystilakere 9 5 4 0 18 6 19 +12
Jeruselem 9 5 3 1 18 12 18 +6
Iansisle 9 5 1 3 19 12 16 +7
Praying2God 9 4 2 3 10 13 14 -3
Legalese 9 3 3 3 17 12 12 +5
Eystrck 9 2 6 1 13 12 12 +1
South Osettia 9 1 2 6 11 24 5 -13
Nevigrad 9 0 1 8 3 18 1 -15

The Hooligans had scored first through Bobby Stevenson in the twentieth minute. Stevenson had played awfully before then, making the occasional slip (AKA 'Olalla') before suddenly transforming into what appeared to be a different player (not only in skill but in appearance. He seemed smaller and acted less civilised) and unleashing a thunderous strike which 'Kidnapped' the lead for Snub Nose 38. The SN38 team went on a brief 'Treasure Island' hunt for a second goal but were brought down to earth in the second half. It started with an own goal by Daniel Defoe, but i've never read any of his work so i'll leave that there.
OOC: lmao - thank you ;)

Danny DeFoe was a bit distracted during the Hooligans match with Audioslavia, as he was in the midst of revising the manuscript of his novel, tentatively titled "Robinson Crusoe". Danny kept mumbling something about "Friday"...although we have no idea what is supposed to happen on Friday...

*snippet of the sports page from The Remington County Record found stuck to a pile of damp cardboard boxes in a back alley. we notice a bit of burgundy cloth sticking out from beneath the pile – along with a bedraggled eagle feather, and the foot of a rubber chicken*

Who-ligans Lose…Yet Again
Sten Lauren D’Order

The Snub Nose 38 “Who-ligans” racked up their 5th loss today, against a tin of canned meat. Spaam simply fried them. With only 5 matches to go, our Hooligans (whose “who-ligans”?) find themselves fully 7 points and a goal differential of 7 out of the top 3 in Group 6…and as we all know, only the top 3 will go on to the cup proper.


Group 6 P W D L GF GA Pts GD
Audioslavia 9 7 2 0 16 4 23 +12
Spaam 9 5 3 1 19 9 18 +10
Wella 9 5 2 2 17 11 17 +6
One Red Dot 9 5 1 3 15 10 16 +5
Snub Nose 38 9 3 1 5 14 15 10 -1
Giant Zucchini 9 2 2 5 13 21 8 -8
East Lithuania 9 1 2 6 9 19 5 -10
San Verdi 9 1 1 6 8 22 4 -14
When asked for comment, past manager and current consultant and spectral specialist Ben Dover rattled his chains at this reporter, and made threatening gestures. I leaned over to Eileen Dover for her take, but she also refused comment and exited the post-game news conference…through this reporter.

One of the players, Danny DeFoe, was scribbling something on a napkin. Glancing over his shoulder, this is what I saw…


Group 6 P RP O R
Audioslavia 9 6 0 Y
Spaam 9 0 0 N
Wella 9 0 0 N
One Red Dot 9 5 0 Y
Snub Nose 38 9 14 3 Y
Giant Zucchini 9 1 0 Y
East Lithuania 9 1 0 N
San Verdi 9 1 0 Y

Where “RP” equals number of WC20 RPs posted,
“O” equals number of WC20 OOC posts,
and “R” equals roster posted (N=no roster)
Ah, well…maybe the next match will bring a better result. Chin up, stiff upper lip, and all that rot…

----------------------------------
ooc: 2nd chart provided for those complaining, in one way or another, about the RP Bonus and/or the Scorinator. Quitcher bitchin’.

Crystils on auto-pilot in title defense

The Crystilakere Crystils have come out swinging and taking no prisoners to make sure they will be in Druida & Starblaydia to defend their title as World Cup Champions. The Crystils have falted against region-mates Eystrck, falling to a pair of draws against the team that is making drawing a habit with 6 in 9 games. Draws with Jeruselem and Legalese have made the tabloids talk, but convincing wins over Iansisle, South Osettia and the other teams in the group see the Crystils topping the table and easily on course for the finals.

The Crystils opened up their campaign with a lavish ceremony commemorating their World Cup 19 success. At home to regionmates Eystrck, the stadium was full and no expense was spared. Midfielder Nina Nonaaia, whose namesake has been on the Crystilakere uniforms since they were first unveiled, was in their first full World Cup in Turori & The Belmore Family. How quickly a young under-21 midfielder turned into the star of a nation. The fans went crazy when Nina came out of the tunnel, but the excitement of the day would not carry over into the match. Crystilakere 0 Eystrck 0

http://www.starblaydestudios.co.uk/Images/CrysFinal.jpg

The world champions showed what they were made of when they took a trip up the Crystilakere Channel to South Osettia. World cup hero Nina Nonaaia opened up the scoring and Reidolf Piao netted twice to give the Crystils the win. They also conceded their first goal of the tournament late in the match. South Osettia 1 Crystilakere 3 The Crystils returned home and gave the home fans got what they deserved as Toader Pold put Crystilakere ahead early in the game. Second half goals from Filippo Ferraro and Sebastian Wolf gave the world champions a respectable 3-0 victory. Crystilakere 3 Praying2God 0 Despite having to leave Atlantian Oceania for the first and only time in the first 9 matchdays, Crystilakere performed as expected against newcomers Nevigrad. Goals on either side of half time from Alpha Siboldi and Toader Pold gave Crystilakere all 3 points. Nevigrad 0 Crystilakere 2


Many felt that the match against Iansisle would be the real test as to whether the Crystils still had the goods that got them the World Cup 19 championship. The crystils proved that they did with a very impressive 3-1 victory over their toughest opposition in the group. Crystilakere 3 Iansisle 1 The Crystils moved atop the table, but were unable to overcome Legalese and had to settle for a draw against Legalese, Legalese 1 Crystilakere 1 Jeruselem, Crystilakere 2 Jeruselem 2 and once again against Eystrck Eystrck 1 Crystilakere 1 After getting mad about conceding 4 goals in 3 games, The defense tightened up and the offense got back on track, returning the world champions to their world champion form in a thrashing of South Osettia at home. Crystilakere 3 South Osettia 0


Throughout the first 9 matchdays, the Crystils have only had to leave Atlantian Oceania once, in their trip to Nevigrad. Matchdays 10, 12 and 14 will be the real test for the defending world champions who will have to leave their region to face tough competition for the first time. Luckily, Crystilakere has already been to Iansisle and Jeruselem, so only the Praying2god matchup will be a complete unknown. Or will it? Thats right, even Praying2god cannot hide from the world champions. It may have been way back in World Cup 14, but the Crystils found themselves in the same group as not only Praying2god, but Iansisle as well. It is unknown whether Praying2god has changed at all since then, but they should be good matches either way.

EL CID NEWS.
NEWS YOU CAN USE.

AN APOLOGY.

The people and staff at El Cid news would like to apology for the lack of printing of sport stories in the past few days.

In Melmond on MD 5 the stadium was attacked by what The Ketchup Times called "Mean Pinko Commies". Unfortunately the sport news staff was in The Exclusive Capitalizt Zone when it was attacked and had to hide in a nearby safety of a Y2K bunker nearby to avoid being attacked and killed. it has taken them a few weeks to get back to El Cid the Hero and henceforth we have not been able to publish any scores for the last few matches. now that they are back we will try to print all there matches

Sorry :( :(

OOC: had a lot of work to do and my Bro was on PC for about 3 days. Damm him and his caffeine :headbang: :headbang:

Oaker [0] - [1] Lethislavania

Clouds, drifting, lazily. I am up in the stands, the players on the field but mere ants from these heights. The glorious metal siding gleams witha burning radiance, piercing my heart with patriotic joy.

I watch as the game begins lazily, the Lethislavanian dominance odd. They're keeping the ball away from the Sharks, lofting it slowly back and forth. Wow... The defense of Oaker is purely atrocious. I mean, that sloppy footwork is killing me.

The dew remains on some of the minut blades of grass, catching the sunlight. Thomas Beoing shoots up the field, a luminated energy carrrying him forth. Turning to his side, I notice his eyes dart back and forth. Wait, how can I see this from this height? Alas, that is no the point. He launches it over to Kerry, who jumps up, his head nailing the ball. Spinning, the ball lands over the head of the Oaker goalie.

People burst into applause, whistle, and other idiotic forms of cheering.

Simple humans.

I don't even know why I watch this game.

THE HERALD SPORTS DIGEST

Consider Your Timbers Shivered

SOMETIMES a game like this can tell you a lot about the temprament of teams. This was the case in Davisham yesterday. Quite simply, Oceaice lacked the belief of a side attempting to qualify for the World Cup, and were summarily dispatched in a two-nil victory for the Celestials. The Krytenian strike force was too strong for the Pirates. Rimmer and Moreaux helped themselves to a goal each, and could have had more had it not been for some wayward finishing.

Next opponents Pterodactyl have already been eliminated. Three points for the on-form Celestials seems a distinct possibility, and could help the national side put some space in between them and newly-fourth Shonar Bangla.

KRYTENIA......................2
Moreaux 11
Rimmer 57
OCEAICE........................0


H v LWF : W 2-1 (Downhead Park, Kallia)
A v OCE : D 1-1
H v PTE : D 0-0 (Sixways Stadium, Avidia)
A v LAM : W 3-0
A v SHB : D 1-1
H v REJ : W 3-2 (Davis Memorial Stadium, Everton City)
A v EAZ : L 1-2
A v LWF : W 4-2
H v OCE : W 2-0 (Mellion Lane, Davisham)
A v PTE : ?????
H v LAM : ????? (Oxley Park, Everton City)
H v SHB : ????? (New Coalfields, New Osteria)
A v REJ : ?????
H v EAZ : ????? (Davis Memorial Stadium, Everton City)

John Carlson (JC): The Warriors come out on the short end today in Iansisle, losing by a score of 2-1. Iansisle has now passed the Warriors for the final qualifying spot in Group 3, however only the match at the House of Prayer against Crystilakere remains against a team ahead of them in the table right now. So, the Warriors should have a chance to reclaim third from Iansisle.

David Tall (DT): That's right, John. There's no shame in losing to the team ranked 14th in the world on the road, especially when you both play well, and that's exactly what we saw in this match. It was a well-played match on both sides, and the breaks just went Iansisle's way today. Good effort by the Warriors though.

Lisa Simonson (LS): The Warriors did play well today, even I have to concede that. What I'd be curious to see is an instant replay on that last shot of the match, when the referee waved off what appeared to be the game tying goal by Thomas Larson, saying that he had blown the whistle before the ball crossed the goal line. He would not have had a good angle on the play to make that ruling, but the linesman on that side did and he was telling the referee that he had missed the call, but the ref wouldn't hear it. Larson almost became a legend by scoring from midfield in the 90th minute for the third time in qualifying already.

JC: We have that replay for you, Lisa. Let's take a look at it.
**replay shows on the screen from various angles**
It appears clear to me that the ball did in fact cross the goal line almost a second before the referee blew the whistle. That goal should have stood and given the Warriors (what could become) a critical point.

DT: The referee was from South Osettia, and the linesman in reference from Liverpool England, so there could have been some bias in that ruling. South Osettia has publicly stated that they don't want to see the Warriors qualify, because they feel that the team has been too boastful about their success.

LS: How could they be boastful when they haven't talked to the media at all during qualifying??? :confused: I agree that the Warriors have a legitimate case for a protest here. That was clearly a goal. I'm actually surprised that the Warriors had not complained about the fact that a South Osettian was serving as the referee before the match, when their team plays in this group, and they've made their opinion on who should qualify between these teams quite public.

JC: We've just gotten word that the Warriors have filed a formal protest of the results. However, protests very rarely are upheld, especially in a case like this, so I don't expect anything will happen because of the protest.

DT: That's a shame, John. The board that rules on protests should be ashamed of theirselves if that is indeed the case.

JC: What do you think of how the Warriors' remaining schedule sets up?

LS: It will certainly be interesting, and it certainly won't be easy. After a home match against the defending WC Champions, then the Warriors go on the road for three matches, to Legalese, South Osettia, which should be an extremely interesting and highly hyped match, and Nevigrad, before closing at home against Eystrck. I don't think the Warriors will have the same sort of success they did the first time through that run, where they didn't lose after the Crystilake match.

DT: I agree that it will certainly be a challenge. The next two matches are critical for the Warriors. If they can somehow pull off more than three points between the Crystilakere and Legalese matches, then they should qualify, but that's assuming they take care of business against South Osettia and Nevigrad. The Eystrck match is the wild card; the importance of that match will be determined by how the other four matches go. The best case scenario for the Warriors is probably that they need to (at least) draw Eystrck to qualify, which they did in Eystrck already, so they know that it can be done.

JC: How many points will the Warriors need to take in order to qualify?

DT: I would say that they probably need to take 10 points out of their remaining five matches. South Osettia and Nevigrad should provide six of those. The key will likely come down to defeating Legalese and/or Eystrck, and drawing against the other. If they can do that, then they will definitely be on the verge of qualifying. If they wouldn't make it, they would certainly give Iansisle a run for their money.

LS: I believe the Warriors are going to need 12 points. It's true that Iansisle has to play both Crystilakere and Jerusalem again, but they will most likely (at worst) draw one or both of those matches. The Warriors cannot afford to slip if they want to qualify. However, they will likely have to wait until the next Cup.

JC: That's all the time we have for this evening. I'm John Carlson, and for David Tall and Lisa Simonson...Good night everybody.



Iansisle 2 <player> (26), <player> (38)
Praying2God 1 Faith (53)






Group 3 P W D L GF GA Pts GD
Crystilakere 9 5 4 0 18 6 19 +12
Jeruselem 9 5 3 1 18 12 18 +6
Iansisle 9 5 1 3 19 12 16 +7
Praying2God 9 4 2 3 10 13 14 -3
Legalese 9 3 3 3 17 12 12 +5
Eystrck 9 2 6 1 13 12 12 +1
South Osettia 9 1 2 6 11 24 5 -13
Nevigrad 9 0 1 8 3 18 1 -15

Vikings continue rolling, defeat Haperd for 3rd straight

It was roughly around the same time last cup that the Vikings were having a hard time and facing possible elimination. This is also when they started winning and made a rush. It is looking like the same thing during this qualification as Fmjphoenix won its third straight victory by the score of 2-1 over Haperd. With this win and Total n Utter Insanity's draw with Qia has put Fmjphoenix 3 points behind both TnUI and Bedistan for second or third place. With 5 matchdays still remaining, anything can still happen, but right now things are looking good for the Vikings.

Finally returning home for a match, the Vikings took advantage of being home and playing in front of a friendly crowd. The match started off fast for the Vikings, as after Haperd took its first shot, they hardly touched the ball again in the first half. Haperd took its first shot at the 5th minute into it, but it was caught by Powell Lamar. Lamar gave it to Tra Miranda, who between him and Bobby Bash, they brought the ball up to midfield without problems. A quick pass by Bash to Jason Mitchell provided the first shot for the Vikings, but it was blocked by Haperd's goalkeeper. Mike Nolan got the ball off of the rebound and put it back before the goalkeeper was ready to react, it was through for a goal at 6 minutes. Haperd started off playing it safe, with a bit of passing between its forwards and midfielders. They managed to take a shot, but again, Lamar deflected it easily. After ti came to rest with Wei Zeng, he passed it forward and the Vikings went on the attack. 30 minutes and 12 shots later, Devin McBall took a rare shot, but it went right threw the hands of Haperd's goalkeeper for Fmjphoenix's second goal at the 37th minute. The score would stary 2-0 for the half and the Vikings went into intermission feeling very well about their first half performance.

When the second half started off, several starters were sitting on the bench, giving other players some much wanted playing time. Most notable were Nolan, Jorge Mendel and Lamar, as they were given the rest of the match off. Alex Rivera and Brenden Kapono were put in and Brian Boyd was given his first playing time since being promoted up to the senior team. Boyd did not do terrible in his first match this whole cup, only allowing one goal the was our of his reach at 76 minutes. Other than that, he was as solid as a rock. The crowd estatic. At the end of the match, it was 2-1 and the Vikings were riding a solid 3 match winning streak.

As the fans were leaving the stadium, they were given a cup of coffee. It was coffe made form the Golden Cafetiere, and the coffee was given because the Vikings won and it was also a minor attempt to continue to keep Vikings Stadium sold out for their matches. With this victory, Fmjphoenix is beginning to look like the team that was being called a up and coming team and might be an unseater of one of the other teams in the group. With 5 matchdays still remaining, anything can still happen.

Fmjphoenix: 2
(Nolan 6, McBall 37)

Haperd: 1
(Unknown 76)

World Cup XX Qualification:
MD01: Fmjphoenix vs. Nouveau Richelieu Win 4-2
MD02: Fmjphoenix @ Haperd Lose 1-2
MD03: Fmjphoenix vs. Qia Lose 0-1
MD04: Fmjphoenix @ Ninurta Win 4-1
MD05: Fmjphoenix @ Sarzonia Lose 2-3
MD06: Fmjphoenix vs. Total n Utter Insanity Lose 0-3
MD07: Fmjphoenix @ Bedistan Win 2-1
------------------------------------------------
MD08: Fmjphoenix @ Noveau Richelieu Win 2-1
MD09: Fmjphoenix vs. Hapred Win 2-1
MD10: Fmjphoenix @ Qia
MD11: Fmjphoenix vs. Ninurta
MD12: Fmjphoenix vs. Sarzonia
MD13: Fmjphoenix @ Total n Utter Insanity
MD14: Fmjphoenix vs. Bedistan
Record: 5-0-4

Group 6
1 - Audioslavia (1)
2 - One Red Dot (21)
3 - Wella (29)
4 - Snub Nose 38 (42)
5 - Spaam (55)
6 - Giant Zucchini (78)
7 - East Lithuania (102)
8 - San Verdi (150)

Group 6 Results to date

Matchday 1
Audioslavia - 3 v Spaam - 1
One Red Dot -3 v Giant Zucchini - 1
Wella - 2 v East Lithuania - 2
Snub Nose 38 - 2 v San Verdi - 0

Matchday 2
Spaam -1 v Snub Nose 38 - 1
Giant Zucchini - 0 v Audioslavia - 3
East Lithuania - 0 v One Red Dot - 2
San Verdi - 2 v Wella - 3

Matchday 3
Audioslavia - 2 v East Lithuania - 0
One Red Dot - 1 v San Verdi - 1
Wella - 1 v Spaam - 1
Snub Nose 38 - 0 v Giant Zucchini - 2

Matchday 4
Spaam - 3 v One Red Dot - 1
Giant Zucchini - 1 v Wella - 4
East Lithuania - 2 v Snub Nose 38 - 1
San Verdi - 0 v Audioslavia - 1

Matchday 5
Audioslavia - 1 v One Red Dot - 0
Wella - 3 v Snub Nose 38 - 1
Spaam - 4 v Giant Zucchini - 0
East Lithuania - 1 v San Verdi - 2

Matchday 6
Wella - 0 v One Red Dot - 2
Snub Nose 38 - 1 v Audioslavia - 2
East Lithuania - 3 v Giant Zucchini - 3
San Verdi - 1 v Spaam - 4

Matchday 7
Audioslavia - 2 v Wella - 0
One Red Dot - 2 v Snub Nose 38 - 3
Spaam - 2v East Lithuania - 0
Giant Zucchini - 5 v San Verdi - 1

Matchday 8
Spaam - 1 v Audioslavia - 1
Giant Zucchini - 0 v One Red Dot - 2
East Lithuania - 0 v Wella - 3
San Verdi - 1 v Snub Nose 38 - 4

Matchday 9
Snub Nose 38 - 1 v Spaam - 2
Audioslavia - 1 v Giant Zucchini - 1
One Red Dot - 2 v East Lithuania - 1
Wella - 1 v San Verdi - 0



Group 6
National Side P W D L GF GA Pts GD
Audioslavia 9 7 2 0 16 4 23 +12
Spaam 9 5 3 1 19 9 18 +10
Wella 9 5 2 2 17 11 17 +6
One Red Dot 9 5 1 3 15 10 16 +5
Snub Nose 38 9 3 1 5 14 15 10 -1
Giant Zucchini 9 2 2 5 13 21 8 -8
East Lithuania 9 1 2 6 9 19 5 -10
San Verdi 9 1 1 6 8 22 4 -14
Group 6 Schedule of Remaining Matches

Matchday 10
East Lithuania v Audioslavia
San Verdi v One Red Dot
Spaam v Wella
Giant Zucchini v Snub Nose 38

Matchday 11
One Red Dot v Spaam
Wella v Giant Zucchini
Snub Nose 38 v East Lithuania
Audioslavia v San Verdi

Matchday 12
One Red Dot v Audioslavia
Snub Nose 38 v Wella
Giant Zucchini v Spaam
San Verdi v East Lithuania

Matchday 13
One Red Dot v Wella
Audioslavia v Snub Nose 38
Giant Zucchini v East Lithuania
Spaam v San Verdi

Matchday 14
Wella v Audioslavia
Snub Nose 38 v One Red Dot
East Lithuania v Spaam
San Verdi v Giant Zucchini

note - home sides are listed first

Hooligan home matches will be played on the City of Sten High School football field – the practice field if there’s a conflict between the High School side and the National side.

Tickets to all Hooligans matches are still available, and can be purchased at any Snubitron outlet. Or, you can call the Ministry. Just ask for Beverly.[/QUOTE]

Les Bleus, despite victory

Match Day nine of the qualifying round saw Eauz back home to host a bottom strangler, Lamoni who has only achieved 7 points, and has a horrible GA number of -12. The last time these two teams met up, was in Lamoni, where Eauz destroyed Lamoni 4 – 1. Eauz was looking to take advantage of the weak defence again in this match. The match started off bad for Eauz, as during a sliding attack, Boulongeur injured himself, and had to be taken off the field during the 13th minute of play. Olivier Douveaux came in to replace Boulongeur. Then at the 17th minute, the passing was still a problem as Costé lost control of the ball, letting a forward of Lamoni get a shot off. Fortunately, for Eauz, Bedeau was able to stop the ball. Fans were not happy about this poor play, and the team heard about it. Things became even worse, as during the 20th minute of play some great moves by a lone star of Lamoni put Lamoni up 1 – 0 against Eauz. The Lone Star showed Eauz fans how proud he was to have scored the first goal of the match, to the disgust of Eauz fans. Frustration built in stadium, as Eauz players couldn’t get much going. A long pass during the 32nd minute of play, towards Alia went too far, and the Lamoni keeper picked it up easily. The frustration built even more, as D'Aubigne complained about a miscall by the referees, she received a yellow card for your complaints. Signs started going around the stadium saying such things as “Once again, we fall early” and “Welcome back Margaret”. Eauz fans were frustrated that their team kept on falling early down the stretch. Though, for Joseuf, he had not given up, as he knew there was still much football to be played, and that Lamoni had just become better since the last time these two teams met. The teams went into recess with Lamoni leading 1 – 0.

Out of nowhere though, in the second half, it appeared that the first half Eauz team was replace with a new team, as the players became more aggressive, and were on the attack more. At the 49th minute of play, Les Bleus seemed a bit more organized as the ball was being passed around in the Lamoni zone. D'Aubigne got the ball, and took it towards the net, before sending it out to Vasser who let go of a rocket, which sailed past the keeper, and tied the match up at one. Fans boo’s and anti-eauz slogans started to wither away with the Vasser goal. Les Bleus tightened up their defence as well, as Lamoni, which during the first half was able to get into the Eauz zone, were left without many chances. One of the few chances they had came 30 feet from the goal, on a free kick. The kick curved towards the left, and would have left Bedeau without a chance, had it not curved wide of the net. Les Bleus also received a free kick at the 70th minute marker. This time though, Alia was able to curve it past the human wall, and into the Lamoni net, putting Eauz up 2 – 1. Eauz became too strong in the second half, and left Lamoni without a chance, as the worries and critics shut up, and started celebrating an Eauz victory. Still though, some wondered where the offence for Eauz went, as they could only score two against a team, which had given up 18 in its past eight matches. As for Boulongeur, he will be out for about a month, or till match day 13.

Despite their weak play in the last 4 matches, Eauz continues to hold onto the top spot in group 1. Looking at the table is important around this time, as this is the time where the serious teams are separated from the weak teams. It appears that this group is becoming more and more a 5-team race, as Lamoni, Limp Wristed Fish and Pterodactyl are either already eliminated or very close to it. Lamoni & Limp Wristed Fish can only hope that the top teams lose their matches, and they win their matches, as they are close to being elminated. Pterodactyl is officially eliminated, as the best they can achieve is 4th place in group 1. The next match for Eauz will be against Limp Wristed Fish, who as said above, have to hope to get a victory against Eauz, if they are to have any chance at qualifying. They will have home field advantage, and be up against an Eauz team, which is not sure of itself. It will be tough for LWF to get a win against Eauz, as Eauz has yet to lose, but they could possibly get a tie, the way Eauz has been playing.


Group 1 P W D L GF GA Pts GD
Eauz 9 6 3 0 18 7 21 +11
Rejistania 9 7 0 2 16 6 21 +10
Krytenia 9 5 3 1 17 10 18 +7
Shonar Bangla 9 4 3 2 13 9 15 +4
Oceaice 9 3 3 3 12 12 12 0
Lamoni 9 2 1 6 8 20 7 -12
Limp Wristed Fish 9 1 1 7 7 18 4 -11
Pterodactyl 9 0 2 7 6 15 2 -9 E


Match Day 1: Pterodactyl @ Eauz W 0 - 2
Match Day 2: Eauz @ Lamoni W 4 - 1
Match Day 3: Limp Wristed Fish @ Eauz W 0 - 3
Match Day 4: Eauz @ Oceaice T 2 - 2
Match Day 5: Eauz @ Rejistania W 1 - 0
Match Day 6: Eauz @ Shonar Bangla T 2 - 2
Match Day 7: Krytenia @ Eauz W 1 - 2

Match Day 8: Eauz @ Pterodactyl T 1 - 1
Match Day 9: Lamoni @ Eauz W 1 - 2
Match Day 10: Eauz @ Limp Wristed Fish
Match Day 11: Oceaice @ Eauz
Match Day 12: Rejistania @ Eauz
Match Day 13: Shonar Bangla @ Eauz
Match Day 14: Eauz @ Krytenia

Stars closing in on Finals, 2-1

The state of football for the Sarzonian national team being what it is, the Stars treated a 2-1 win over last place Nouveau Richelieu like it was a loss. Coach Dave Wilson paced the sidelines as the team sweated out a late rally by the bottom feeders to stretch their lead in Group 10 to seven points over second place Total 'n Utter Insanity.

"We just didn't play the kind of football we should have at any point in this match," Wilson said. "We actually played worse in the first half of the game [when the team led 2-0]. Give them credit, they fought hard."

The Stars (8-1-0, 25 points) got its goals from defender Mike Coyle and reserve midfielder Henrik Bastale in the 19th and 67th minutes while Nouveau Richelieu's goal came in the 80th minute. With Group 6 leaders Audioslavia drawing Giant Zucchini 1-1 at home, the Stars earned the best record among all teams involved in qualifying.

"That's nice, but it's nothing we're dwelling on," midfielder Bobby Convey said. "If we win the World Cup, it'll be something to look back on but we haven't done anything yet." The team is 10 points clear of fourth place Fmjphoenix with five matches remaining. A win by Sarzonia combined with a loss by Fmjphoenix would likely clinch a bid in the World Cup finals for the Stars.

Wilson said the team would not change its strategy for the final five matches if the team clinches the finals berth early.

"We have our toughest matches coming up and we need to stay sharp for the finals if we clinch early on," he said. "I don't believe you can turn [intensity] on and off like a light switch."

Pilosophers on three-game streak
Face Kingsford away in tough test next

The Philosopher won their third straight gamein a row for the first time this qualifying campaign when they defeated Antaeus Rising at home 2-0 thanks to two solid set-plays that all went wrong for the AR defence.

Paul Dussis, watching the match with FALE chief and son Gareth, later told the press that he was surprised at "the quality of the Antaen players; I'm surprised we lost to them earlier on!"

We must wonder if Paul Dussis stepping down has anything to do with this marvellous run of form the Philosophers are experiencing.

Philosophers seek new nickname
Gareth Dussis slams current name as 'miserably weak'

It's official: the Philosophers are seeking a new nickname. FALE Chief Gareth Dussis has slammed the current name as 'miserably weak', saying the team may well be rejuvenated with a new name. He has said that he'd run a competition amongst World Cup-participating countries with a reward of L£1.5mn going to the winner, whoever it may be.

Pilosophers on three-game streak
Face Kingsford away in tough test next

The Philosopher won their third straight gamein a row for the first time this qualifying campaign when they defeated Antaeus Rising at home 2-0 thanks to two solid set-plays that all went wrong for the AR defence.

Paul Dussis, watching the match with FALE chief and son Gareth, later told the press that he was surprised at "the quality of the Antaen players; I'm surprised we lost to them earlier on!"

We must wonder if Paul Dussis stepping down has anything to do with this marvellous run of form the Philosophers are experiencing.

Philosophers seek new nickname
Gareth Dussis slams current name as 'miserably weak'

It's official: the Philosophers are seeking a new nickname. FALE Chief Gareth Dussis has slammed the current name as 'miserably weak', saying the team may well be rejuvenated with a new name. He has said that he'd run a competition amongst World Cup-participating countries with a reward of L£1.5mn going to the winner, whoever it may be.

The Revolutionaries

The Revolutionaries


I Propose:

Liverpool England Ranchmen

The Liverpool England Complainers.

The Liverpool England Complainers.

Zing.

The Spartans?

As in "LE's chances are somewhat..."

It's official: the Philosophers are seeking a new nickname. FALE Chief Gareth Dussis has slammed the current name as 'miserably weak', saying the team may well be rejuvenated with a new name. He has said that he'd run a competition amongst World Cup-participating countries with a reward of L£1.5mn going to the winner, whoever it may be.hmmmm...

The Minister of Nomenclature, Pseudonyms, and Appellation offers:

Gauls (a liver pool would be a pool of gall...)
Puddles (Lillipudlians...)
Lilliputians (see above)
Leopards (Liverpool Leopards...?)
Leotards (an unfortunate miss-spelling of the above)

Jimmy Marshall, the irascible vice president for health and athletics has one suggestion:

Liverpool Litigation

FALE pay out - Vilitan corporation wins L£1.5m

A Vilitan corporation has been paid L£1.5m (US$2.6m) for providing the FALE with a new nickname for the Liverpool England national squad. The Revolutionaries used to be known as the Philosophers - a nickname chosen by a Kingsfordian/Oglethorpian newspaper in WC14 which lasted 22 years - and FALE chief Gareth Dussis has expressed his delight at the new name.

The Revolutionaries play their first match under this nickname away at Kingsford.

Hiiraanians Meet The Weegies.
The Hiiraanian Match To Death.

The Hiiraanians Are now going to come against the Weegies who have won against us last time by a mere 2 to three points, however the Hiiraanians are seeking to win today, they are not the same team, the Weegies have been cracking under pressure and we would put them in a pressure box that they cannot escape.

The Team remaining its fans to be cheerful said they would be hopeful winners of tomorrow match. Its either we win it or we lose it, however we assure there will be no ties, its either one of those, we hope it will be another W will be added to a record, The Hiiraanians have lost against the Eagles after beating them long ago. We have opened defense, opened plateau for the Eagles to do their job, we have scored one goal and for gods sake it was our last goal when the eagles double their score by adding their last goal in about 5 minutes before the bell was supposed to ring to end the match.

The Hiiraanians are going to the Weegies confident of a foreseeable win, A WIN that can get us to Liverpool England, who recently changes nicknames.
The Hiiraanian Ocean blue stars will however be going to the last games of this half of the competition almost confident of 2 wins. Which can easily make us #2. We will look for that win, even if it means injuring couple of opponents and killing some before they reach the game.

The Weegies Defense are Known to Crack under Pressure which we intend to apply, their offense has never proven itself, if you never heard of it, then hear it now, The Weegies defense is what is wining them matches, their offense is second class, hopeless, lame offense which can never compare to the attacks Hiiraan produces, The Team cannot Imagine what you will do, the team will imagine what Hiiraan brings on the table. We will be fearless and we will go to that field to win. Else we will go to the field and never come back.

The Hiiraanian Under 21 team is also preparing for year of Hope and dreams, a year that can bring them a good fortune and maybe graduate some to the Official team that goes to the Wc every year. The team is looking at two players who have made the Hiiraanians reach the #6 spot last year, after beating Adam Island and many others to get that job. We will be as careless as careless can get, and we will be confident being so.

Vikings head to Qia, remain hopeful for another win

Its crunch time again. Fmjphoenix finds itself in the same situation as it did last cup. It needs to get points, and it needs them now. The Vikings are finding themselves sitting back in 4th place with 15 points, 3 behind both Bedistan and Total n Utter Insanity. Sarzonia, is the team in first though, way ahead by 10 points. They have one more match against a team lower ranked them them, playing Nintura in matchday 11 before they have to face the three teams who stand in Fmjphoenix's way of qualification.

But right now, none of them matter, as the team has to concentrate on Qia first. Qia, is a team that the Vikings have had a hard time agianst since their first entry in World Cup XVIII, where they lost and drew two matches against Qia. Earlier, in the first match between Qia and Fmjphoenix this qualification, Qia took home a 1-0 win against Fmjphoenix. Right now the Vikings are looking to make a change and get a victory against them. These next two matches are the most important for Fmjphoenix, as they need as many points as they can get to stay in contention.

Coach Wash has stated that he is going to play his starters the whole game unless someone is injured. He wants the starters to play as much as they can so they are fully prepared for the run left. It will take a lot out of the team, but will be well worth it if they can make that final jump into the second round. Look for Fmjphoenix to come out hard and give the ball to their best scorers early and often to try and produce goals to get 3 points.

Group 10:
Team P W D L GF GA Pts GD
Sarzonia 9 8 1 0 22 8 25 +14
Total n Utter Insanity 9 5 3 1 17 7 18 +10
Bedistan 9 5 3 1 14 7 18 +7
Fmjphoenix 9 5 0 4 17 15 15 +2
Haperd 9 3 2 4 14 14 11 0
Qia 9 2 2 5 9 16 8 -7
Ninurta 9 1 1 7 7 23 4 -16
Nouveau Richelieu 9 1 0 8 7 17 3 -10

John Carlson (JC): Welcome to the House of Prayer for today's match between the Warriors and defending WC Champions Crystilakere. Both teams could desperately use the three points from this match, with the Warriors the team needing it more in order to help them try to qualify. The Warriors come into this match a mere two points out of the final qualifying postion, and facing a lot easier schedule after today, even though they'll only have one home match left. Joining me, as always, are David Tall and Lisa Simonson. What do you think of the Warriors' performance so far?

David Tall (DT): They certainly have done a lot better than anybody dreamed they'd do. All the experts were picking the Warriors to finish in South Osettia's place right now, but the Warriors have proven (yet again) that having God on your side can make a big difference.

Lisa Simonson (LS): The experts were certainly a bit stunned by the Warriors success, but it is not unprecedented, as Bedistan (OOC-if I'm remembering this correctly) was a vast underdog in WC IV and won the Cup. Nobody expects the Warriors to repeat that feat, but the Warriors' accomplishments would be more impressive because it has become very tough for inexperienced nations to do well for their first couple of Cups, while when Bedistan did that, it was a lot easier for a lesser experienced nation to make some noise (a la the Warriors basketball team in the WC of Basketball II).

JC: What do you expect to see today?

DT: A lot closer match than we saw the first time. Not only because the Warriors are at home, but because they're playing a lot better as a team than they did when these teams met in Crystilakere in the third match of qualifying.

LS: The Warriors certainly have made great strides since these two teams last met, but Crystilakere are still the reigning WC Champions, and have not lost yet in qualifying. I don't expect that to change today.

JC: What are the keys to this match?

LS: For Crystilakere, it will be not to get too confident that they're going to cruise through this match and into the finals stage of WC XX. They are almost certainly going to qualify, but it isn't a sure thing yet. If they play like they did in the first meeting, then they should earn the three points again.

DT: Not so fast, Lisa. The Warriors played their worst match of the tournament in their first meeting, as the Champs walked away with a 3-0 win at home. Plus, the Warriors have played to the level of their competition (except for the first meetings with Iansisle and Crystilakere), which means that this will be a close match between two teams that will play well. The key for the Warriors will be to keep their hopes up after a controversial loss in Iansisle in their last match. If they can turn the frustration from that match into motivation for this one, I would not be totally surprised if the Warriors became the first team to beat the Champs in a long time.

JC: Care to make any predicions as to the outcome?

LS: Crystilakere's experience of having played in a qualifying battle before will come through in this match. The Warriors will play better than they did in the first meeting, but it won't be enough today. Crystilakere keeps their hold on the top of the table with a 2-1 win.

DT: The Warriors have made things tough for the best teams in this group, having taken four of six points from Jerusalem and beating Legalese already. The Warriors have also only lost one match at home during qualifying, and that was the home opener against Iansisle. The Warriors don't realize that they're supposed to be nervous in situations like this, and believe in themselves. The Warriors give Crystilakere fits, but in the end both teams only will get one point as this match ends in a 0-0 draw.

JC: The Warriors are coming off an emotional loss after a five match unbeaten streak. Crystilakere is trying to put the Warriors away and solidify their qualifying spot, so they can get their starters some rest. However, the Champs are going to have problems dealing with this very motivated Warriors team, and the crowd will only help the Warriors sustain that intensity. The Warriors pull a 1-0 upset of the defending WC Champs. We need to take a commercial break, so we can bring you the entire match live. We'll be right back after these messges.

"Well, is she on board?"

"Yes, she is ready and willing."

"How much did you offer her?"

"Half a million Kugra."

"Good - a trifle compared to our current bank balance. Women are so easily bribed."

"I know."

"When do we plan to execute?"

"In the next few days."

"Should we wait until the tournament is over?"

"We shall see..."

***

"Did we referee the P2G/Iansisle game?"

"I don't think so. Why?" Polly was always reading things wrong, and I didn't really pay much attention at first, but when the news was shoved under my nose, I could see she was right.

"They said we were refereeing, and that we made sure that they didn't win."

"How did we do that?"

"Disallowed a goal I think."

"Interesting. It's rubbish, but interesting none the less."

"Are you sure we didn't referee that game?"

"Look, I have to sign something every time we send a referee to another country. If I don't sign it, they don't get past customs. I signed nothing, so it wasn't our referee. Besides, it wasn't our linesman according to this."

"So?"

"Well, everybody knows that WCC regulations state that all four officials involved in a game need to come from the same country to avoid language problems. If we didn't own the linesman, we didn't own the referee."

"So who was it, then?"

"Probably an impersonator - you get that sometimes. Someone's trying to inflame P2G before our game in a few days. It's a pathetic practice, but it happens unfortunately."

"How did we do yesterday?"

"Crystilakere, 3-0, worst defence in the competition - at least we're winning something." That got a laugh.

"And who're we playing today?"

"Jerusalem. Drew with them earlier, so we'll lose 3-0 again." That got another laugh.

"How're we doing in the AOCAF?"

"Pretty much the same as here. Participating but losing, but we're unranked, so it's expected at least. We'll get there eventually."

"How about the hockey?"

"That's going well. We beat Turori 5-4 in overtime, but we're playing Vilita today, so the euphoria won't last long."

"It's a busy time in the world of sport for us, isn't it?"

"I'll say. We've got some hosting bids going through as well, for the BoF and CoH. The BoF's in the bag pretty much, but the CoH will be a battle."

"Who're we bidding with?"

"Liverpool England, I think."

"Really? So everything's on track then."

"Yep, the rails haven't come off yet, but that'll happen soon enough."

"Shall we make bets for tonight?"

"What do we win?"

"This muffin and a bag of woochippings."

"Okay, I need some woodchippings. I bet we lose 3-0."

"I bet 4-0."

"Deal." We shook hands and got back to doing nothing - work was so stressful!

The Rejis was ravaged by a general strike. Offices, stores and nearly every business was closed as protest against a plan to privatise certain state-owned corporations like Konihekta (the ISP) and Miketisara (public transport). The KaMaRi Update is on minimal service, meaning it became temorarily and inofficially a newspaper of the trade unions, the very well-written sprt section, which normally fills half of the newspaper is on one page. We want to read the match report, so we move the magical camera of RP to that page:

Rejistania defeated Pterodactyl 1:0

Okay, very much information... Fortunately the magical camera of RP has a teleport function, let's try to get Radio RejisCAST news.

Due to the general strike, no programme, please excuse the inconvenience! Due to the general strike...

Nice! Let's try something... we never did it before... there is a timeshift function on the magical camera of RP... okay, back one day, location: the stadium. Whilke we try to select the time, the world blurs around us. We see some images in the blur: The national anthems apparently play (even though we have no sound), some images looking down on the stadium from great height, in which the Orange-Blues are entirely in their half, a pterodactyl being warned for 'wingball' and in too high speed a counter attack, which was successful (a text saying 'the only good chance in this match' is on it as subtitle), then we see the scoreboard after the match:

Rejistania 1 (Lyku 39th)
Pterodactyl 0


Suddenly the magical camera of RP starts making strange noises and explodes. At least we see clear now, we look around us and see that we are in a kind of jungle with strange plants of sorts we never saw before. We hear something, turn around... OH MY GOD! This is a giant dinosaur... there was a reason why that function was beta!

It's official: the Philosophers are seeking a new nickname. FALE Chief Gareth Dussis has slammed the current name as 'miserably weak', saying the team may well be rejuvenated with a new name. He has said that he'd run a competition amongst World Cup-participating countries with a reward of L£1.5mn going to the winner, whoever it may be.


We submit the new nickname of "Terminators".

Matchday 10 Scores and Tables are available here. (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=8012571&postcount=12)

Jeruselem Government News

Eystrck revive hopes!

In a shock, Eystrck downed Jeruselem 2-0 to keep it's hopes of making the top 3 alive. It was a good time to win as Crystilakere and Iansisle won their games, but Legalese also won giving itself some chanceas well.

The result is Jeruselem fall back to 3rd and Iansisle claim second. It wasn't the best of days for Jeruselem and Eystrck deserved to win the game. However the Jeruselem camp is in no panic as it had expected to lose a game sooner or later. Nothing seems to work and the keeper Adrian Moel kept the score down after Johnny Coward's unusually high rate of blunders gave Eystrck a helping hand.

With 4 games left, Praying2God on 14 points chase Eystrck and Legalese who have 15. Jeruselem has a 3 point buffer above them and Iansisle is only 1 point above Jeruselem. Crystilakere's 3 point clear of Iansisle. With this scenario, the top 3 are still very vulnerable if they drop games.

Group 3
Praying2God [0] Crystilakere [3]
Nevigrad [0] Iansisle [2]
Eystrck [2] Jeruselem [0]
South Osettia [0] Legalese [2]


Group 3 P W D L GF GA Pts GD
Crystilakere 10 6 4 0 21 6 22 +15
Iansisle 10 6 1 3 21 12 19 +9
Jeruselem 10 5 3 2 18 14 18 +4
Legalese 10 4 3 3 19 12 15 +7
Eystrck 10 3 6 1 15 12 15 +3
Praying2God 10 4 2 4 10 16 14 -6
South Osettia 10 1 2 7 11 26 5 -15 E
Nevigrad 10 0 1 9 3 20 1 -17 E


EDIT: Foobar fixed ... :confused:

To: Alvin Ker (President - aSWORD) <a_ker@asword.gov.rd>
From: Chris Gwee (WC Head Coach/Chisai'nihon FC) <cgwee@cnfc.org.rd>
Subject: MD 6 to 10
Sent at: 23 January (some year) 2207h GMT


Sorry for not keeping you to date. Too many things have been going on so I did not have much time. Anyway, now I do have some time. MD6 against Wella went well despite the previous losses. We won 2-0. How about that? But of course it didn't last. On MD7, we lost to SN38 2-3. At our very own home ground. Humiliated at the Royal RD... damn it all, how many times do we have to go through it again?? The next few days were alright. We defeated Giant Zucchini again, this time 2-0. And then defeated East Lithuania 3-1 at Burrington Stadium. We took revenge on that draw San Verdi gave us and finally gave them a 4-0 thumping yesterday.

The situation is perilous at the moment. We are third on the tables but only 1 point seperates us with 2nd and 4th placed Wella and Spaam. Our last 4 matches are against the elite: Spaam, Audioslavia, Wella and finally SN38. It's going to be hard, hopefully the boys can show them we ain't a nation to be pushed around.

We are still in San Verdi at the moment, but we'll be coming back to ORD soon for the match against Spaam at Hyder Stadium.


*click* 'Send'



'The following mail message "MD6 to 10" was not sent. We apologise for this inconvenience. We, however, hope that you will still continue to use our online services. Thank you. From San Verdi Telecommumication'



"DAMN IT!!! Stupid, lousy, dodgy internet."

Jungle Cats Qualify for Starblaydia & Druida

-------------------The Vilita Jungle Cats have become the first of the 80 nations in World Cup Qualifying to clinch their place in the first all-Atlantian Oceania final in bekkside Starblaydia & Druida. With 27 points and Nine wins after 10 games, The Jungle Cats can not be caught by the 4th placed team, Lykaia, who are 13 points behind Vilita with just 12 points left to accumulate in the final 4 matchdays. Vilitan Coach Helmut Vilkaus indicated that he was pleased with his teams performance in qualifying, and he will be using the last 4 matches to finalize the 23 players he will take to the finals on the the great bekk lake.



Group 8 P W D L GF GA Pts GD
Vilita 10 9 0 1 24 5 27 +19 Q
Nova Britannicus 10 7 1 2 20 8 22 +12
Lovisa 10 4 3 3 16 11 15 +5
Lykaia 10 4 2 4 10 12 14 -2
Finrods 10 4 1 5 11 15 13 -4
Sybex 10 3 2 5 10 20 11 -10
Five Civilized Nations 10 3 0 7 10 19 9 -9
Nanakaland 10 1 1 8 3 14 4 -11

Back on the road, this would be the second last road match for Les Bleus in the next four matches. Arriving in Limp Wristed Fish, it was a fishing community, with a very fond desire to watch Football. Unfortunately, not many people showed up for the match, quite possibly, due to the harvest of fish. The last time these two teams met up was in Zuka, and Eauz won 3 – 0. With the lack of fan support, Eauz was hoping to sneak away with an easy victory. This would not be the case though, as LWF came out fighting early.

Probably because they could become spoilers for this cup, LWF was ready to bring Eauz down. They started off with the ball, and started an onslaught against the Eauz defence. For the first 12 minutes of play, they were mainly in the Eauz zone. They came close to scoring at the 7th minute, off a corner. The crowd in front of the net was ready for the ball, and jumped for it, an LWF forward headed the ball, but it hit the crossbar, and bounced out of play. Another chance came during the 10th minute of play, off a rush, but this time, the player was stopped before he could get close to the net, as the ball was deflected and sailed high into the air. Les Bleus were finally able to get control of themselves and the LWF early attacks and levelled out the play around the 20th minute of play. Eauz seemed to be less spirited to play this match, as if they were expecting LWF to just lie over and die. Les Bleus did get their chances, in the first half, as a long pass up field, was taken by Rousseau, who sent the ball towards the middle of the net where Alia was. Unfortunately, the keeper came out, and grabbed control of the ball before Alia couldn’t do anything with it. Oddly enough, the first half ended, with Eauz having very little possession, as LWF controlled it for about 61% of the time.

The second half started off the same, as LWF pressed Eauz and their players. LWF was just looking to spoil the plans of Eauz, as LWF knew they had no real chance of qualifying. Eauz players became frustrated that they couldn’t get much of an attack to occur. Frustration turned into yellow cards, as 3 Eauz players received cards for different reasons. With no real fans in the stadium screaming or yelling, Eauz could only blame themselves for the poor performance. The match was running down, and the referee gave 5 minutes of injury time to play. Somehow, as Alia got a shot off, an LWF player, giving Eauz a corner kick, deflected it out of play. The kick was perfect by Lacavailler, as it sailed past the group of players, and to Rousseau, who saw the open net, and kicked it in giving Eauz a 1 – 0 lead. As the few last minutes ran out, Eauz was just hoping to hold onto the 1 – 0 lead. The whistle blew, with no real difficulties for Eauz, as they went onto the 1 – 0 victory.

Despite the victory, experts are worried about Eauz, and their weak performance in the past few matches. Joseuf is hoping that getting his team back home for a few matches will bring out the strong performance of his team. Les Bleus are hoping that in the next few matches at home, they will also be able to qualify for the world cup. Joseuf said that he would like to rest his team, and get some of his reserves a chance at playing in this level. As it stands, there are still 6 teams in group 1 who could qualify, but this number could reduce to 4, depending on the next match day. It will be tough though for Eauz, as they will be playing Oceaice and Rejistania, and with the recent uplifted Rejistanian group, they will appear to be a tough challenge, even in Zuka.


Group 1 P W D L GF GA Pts GD
Eauz 10 7 3 0 19 7 24 +12
Rejistania 10 8 0 2 18 7 24 +11
Krytenia 10 5 4 1 19 12 19 +7
Shonar Bangla 10 5 3 2 16 10 18 +6
Oceaice 10 3 3 4 13 15 12 -2
Lamoni 10 2 1 7 9 22 7 -13
Limp Wristed Fish 10 1 1 8 7 19 4 -12 E
Pterodactyl 10 0 3 7 8 17 3 -9 E


Match Day 1: Pterodactyl @ Eauz W 0 - 2
Match Day 2: Eauz @ Lamoni W 4 - 1
Match Day 3: Limp Wristed Fish @ Eauz W 0 - 3
Match Day 4: Eauz @ Oceaice T 2 - 2
Match Day 5: Eauz @ Rejistania W 1 - 0
Match Day 6: Eauz @ Shonar Bangla T 2 - 2
Match Day 7: Krytenia @ Eauz W 1 - 2

Match Day 8: Eauz @ Pterodactyl T 1 - 1
Match Day 9: Lamoni @ Eauz W 1 - 2
Match Day 10: Eauz @ Limp Wristed Fish W 1 - 0
Match Day 11: Oceaice @ Eauz
Match Day 12: Rejistania @ Eauz
Match Day 13: Shonar Bangla @ Eauz
Match Day 14: Eauz @ Krytenia

Adam Island Wins Three Straight
http://adamisland.blogspirit.com/archive/2005/01/23/adam_island_wins_three_straight.html

The Adam Island National Football Team won three straight matches in Group 7 qualifying play.

Adam Island 2, Royal Engrand 0

Adam Island traveled to Royal Engrand with a squad in the middle of controversial reports over torture methods by manager Deidra Gowin. The allegations against her included burning players' palms with cigarettes and inducing frostbite.

So far, no investigation has been mounted, as none of the players are making any claims against Gowin, and quite frankly nobody cares much as long as Adam Island keeps winning.

The lineup for the match included no goalkeeper, and only one defender- Neil Quattlebaum from Adam County. Fortunatly for Adam Island, Quattlebaum didn't have to do much work. AI's midfielders displayed unbelievable skill in keeping the ball on RE's half of the field and shutout Royal Engrand.


Adam Island 4, Talzeckia 0

Adam Island traveled back home to The ADAMDOME, where they settled back into a standard 3-4-3 formation and defeated Talzeckia without giving up a single goal for the second time in the qualifiers. The hero of this game was forward Jerilyn Pratt, who completed her hat trick with only minutes left to play in the second half. Pratt lead the AIFA in goals scored last season and leads the national team as well. Only 23 years old, she has a bright future ahead of her.


Adam Island 2, Sliponia 1

The next match was in Sliponia, a team Adam Island faced in last cup's Baptism of Fire. Adam Island battled hard in this close, tough match that was knotted at 1 goal apiece until 87 minutes, when Ted Coelho took a pass from Jerilyn Pratt and kicked it against the top crossbar. The ball bounced back onto the field, where reserve striker Celina Fesperman used her famous head to knock the ball past the keeper and give Adam Island the win.


LAST MATCH: AI 2, SLI 0 (vSLI: 3-0-1 11-5)
NEXT MATCH: @Svecia (vSVE: 0-0-1 0-2)

Pschychoes rack up consecutive victories

Pschychoes take over First place after defeating Ratvipa and Antaeus Rising
A 4-1 thrashing of Ratvipa and a second shutout of Antaeus Rising, although it was much closer this time, coupled with mediocre play from The Weegies has put Squornshelous in first place in Group 9 for the first time this cup. This acomplishment has come mostly through a high powered attack, typical of Squornshelan teams. The Pschychoes are currently tied for the lead in Goals For with Svecia (both have 27). Last cup they finished qualifying first in the same statistic, with an astonishing 42 goals. However, the Squornshelan defense has also stepped up and made plays this cup, with Squornshelous' goals allowed per game at 1.2. This good combination of powerful offense and solid defense will hopefully take Squornshelous to new heigts this cup.

Squornshelous' Scorers:
Gerrard: 10
Popov: 8
Arnesson: 6
Washington: 3

Group 9 Standings After Matchday 10:

Group 9 P W D L GF GA Pts GD
Squornshelous 10 6 2 2 27 12 20 +15
Liverpool England 10 6 1 3 21 7 19 +14
The Weegies 10 6 2 2 16 12 17 +4
The Eagles Nest 10 4 4 2 13 9 16 +4
Kingsford 10 4 2 4 11 12 14 -1
Hiiraan 10 4 1 5 15 17 13 -2
Antaeus Rising 10 3 0 7 6 20 9 -14
Ratvipa 10 1 2 7 4 24 5 -20



Squornshelous' Qualifying Schedule:
Wins Draws Losses
MD01: Squornshelous 4-1 Hiiraan
MD02: Ratvipa 1-0 Squornshelous
MD03: Squornshelous 6-0 Antaeus Rising
MD04: Kingsford 3-2 Squornshelous
MD05: The Eagles Nest 2-2 Squornshelous
MD06: Liverpool England 2-2 Squornshelous
MD07: Squornshelous 3-1 The Weegies
MD08: Hiiraan 1-3 Squornshelous
MD09: Squornshelous 4-1 Ratvipa
MD10: Antaeus Rising 1-0 Squornshelous
MD11: Squornshelous v Kingsford
MD12: Squornshelous v The Eagles Nest
MD13: Squornshelous v Liverpool England
MD14: The Weegies v Squornshelous

Squornshelous' Record:
Home: 4-0-0
Away: 2-2-2
Overall: 6-2-2

Up Next: Kingsford
Neither team is performing particularly well this cup, and that coupled with the animosity between the two sides will make this a very closely fought game.
Prediction: Squornshelous 2-2 Kingsford

Edward Francis was in his office, enjoying his morning coffee, and waiting for the collection of morning newspapers. As Legalese was in the World Cup Qualifiers, his collection not only included the Francis Town Times, but various reports from other nations in Group 3, including the Jeruselem Government News. "I wonder what they'll have to say about losing to Eystrck," commented Edward, delighted over the 2-0 victory for the Black and Red over South Osettia. This win places Legalese in a tie for 4th with Eystrck, with 15 points. To qualify, all they needed to do was keep even in points (and up on goals) with Eystrck, as well as catch Jeruselem.

While browing the JGN, Mayor Francis let out a small chuckle, while reading the article on Jeruselem's loss:



With 4 games left, Praying2God on 14 points chase Eystrck and Eystrck who have 15...

After he was finished, Edward picked up the phone, dialing the Legalese Soccer House. After a short ring, a voice answered. "Hello?" said an intern at the Soccer House."

"Hello, Edward Francis here. May I speak to Mr. Heard? Oh, he's out of the office? How about Jim Norbert?"

In his office at the Legalese Soccer House, Jim Norbert picked up the phone. "Hi Edward, Jim here. How are you?"

"Pretty well, Jim. How're your boys looking towards the AOCAF?"

"I really don't know how that's going to turn out. It's always hard to tell, with everyone sending reserve teams to it."

"Understandable. Have you guys checked out the Jeruselem Government News today?"

"No. Why do you ask?"

Edward filled Jim in on the article.

Jim chuckled, "Indeed, maybe we should change our name to Estryck! I'll share that one with Robbie, he'll get a kick out of it."

"Say, Jim," asked Edward, "Where is Robbie anyways?"

Jim's voice lowered. "Ed, nobody's supposed to know about this one. Robbie's at St. Francos School with our new keeper."

"Wait, we have a new keeper? How come I've never heard of this?"

Jim paused. As much as the mayor was a supporter of the team, he didn't know if this news was ready to come out. After a short consideration, he finally decided to spill it. "Ed, like I said, we're keeping this one very much under wraps. It's not exactly a new keeper, but rather the return of a missing one. Tommy Walters will be starting in goal for the final four matches."

"You can't be serious! He disappeared in the storm!"

"Apparently not, Ed. We found him 6 weeks ago, and he's been recovering and training ever since. Oddly, he doesn't remember a thing about what happened inside, but as long as he remembers how to keep the ball out of the net, it's not a big deal."

Stars slip v. Haperd, lose 3-2 away

The party will have to wait. With a chance to clinch a berth in the World Cup finals long before the final match of qualifying for the first time in Sarzonia's five World Cup qualifying campaigns, the Stars came up short, losing 3-2 at Haperd.

The Stars (8-1-1) saw their lead over Total 'n Utter Insanity cut to four points with the three more difficult matches yet to be played. The Stars also saw their lead over fourth place Fmjphoenix cut to nine points. Haperd remains in striking distance for a berth in the World Cup finals.

"We didn't play this match with the kind of intensity I was hoping for," Coach Dave Wilson said, shaking his head. "That's the most disappointing part of this loss. I've been telling this team over and over to stay focused and they stunk up the joint."

Goalkeeper John Bartlett suffered his first loss as a starter, conceding three goals on six shot on goal. Reserve keeper Mark Tanner came in to start the second half after the Stars went into the locker room trailing 3-1 and made three saves, but Wilson said his plans to start Tanner in the match against Qia at the Palestra "went out the window." Customary starter Troy Perkins will start.

"We can't afford to slip up these last four matches," Wilson said when asked if his decision sent a message to the team. "That's the message right there. We've got to play a full 90 minutes and get three points no matter who we play when we play. We can't have a half-effort and expect to win."

"I'm glad I'm back in there, to be honest," goalkeeper Troy Perkins said. "We want to make sure we get to the World Cup with momentum unlike the last tournament when we went in with a three match losing streak. Our work begins in earnest now."

EL CID NEWS.
NEWS YOU CAN USE.

sports news

revenge:D

Harlesburg [1] (? 32)
EL CID THE HERO [2] (Dash 28, Brown 87)

it was tonight that the lions managed to erase a poor performance in the first week of the qualifiers. a draw to Pedriana was flowed by a lose to Harlesburg the flowing match. After defeating Pedriana 2-0 the lions wanted to show that the first match was a fluke.

When Huggy Dash got a stray shot into the back of the net at about a 1/3 of the way through it was looking good for the lions. however some good footwork and some bad defending 4 min later and the Pedriana team was back on level terms.

With only 5 min left it looked as if the lions would have to be happy with a point a peace from this match. However in the 87th a free kick was awarded to ECTH and Brown quickly blasted it through a poorly organised wall. Complaints were made that the wall wasn't 10 yards back but the lion’s fans didn't care. The goal was awarded and the fans were ecstatic. 2-1 ECTH.

With his side now looking strong Doomhammer is thinking about what happens next.

"We are a good team. we have proved we can get to the final again and again. if we can get to the top 16 i will be relived. if we get to the quarters I will be happy"

The lions now have only to will 1 match to get through to the WC finals. will these 3 points come from the Slaikau - lions match?

read and you will find

MD8 : El Cid the hero 3 - 1 Nonesuch Street
MD9 : Pedriana 0 - 2 El Cid the hero
MD10: El Cid the hero 2 - 1 Harlesburg
MD11: Slaikau v El Cid the hero
MD12: Melmond v El Cid the hero
MD13: The Belmore Family v El Cid the hero
MD14: El Cid the hero v Raptor Claw


Group 4 P W D L GF GA Pts GD
EL CID THE HERO 10 8 1 1 21 8 25 +13
Melmond 10 5 3 2 16 10 18 +6
The Belmore Family 10 5 3 2 17 12 18 +5
Slaikau 10 4 2 4 13 13 15 -1
Raptor Claw 10 3 2 5 12 15 11 -3
Nonesuch Street 10 3 1 6 11 17 10 -6
Harlesburg 10 1 5 4 9 12 8 -3
Pedriana 10 2 1 7 6 17 7 -11

Scene: A house in suburban Port Lusambo. Two Bedistanis and a Britannican are sitting in the living room. Why the Britannican's there, we're not sure.

"Bah, damn wind! Knocked out the cable, and I haven't been able to watch the World Cup qualifiers!"

"Qualifiers, plural? How long has it been out?"

"About three months."

"Your cable provider sucks, dude."

"Well, with a windchill this morning of five degrees, you really think they're gonna come out here and fix it? Especially on Sunday..."

"Five degrees isn't cold."

"Bah. Bloody Britannicans and their silly temperature systems. I'm talking Fahrenheit here. Translating for you, that'd be minus fifteen."

"I didn't think it got that cold here in Bedistan. Especially not in West Jativa in July."

"It's been a strange weather year, my friend."

"Well, at least the newspaper's still coming."

"Aye, good thing, since my DSL's out too. Looks like...three-nil over Nouveau Richelieu. Well, that's better than last time, at least -- our offense just hasn't shown up at all this Cup, though."

"No kidding. You look like the Jamaica Giants tryin' to play Kalisimu Salan."

"Why, I oughta..."

"Hey, hey, hey, calm down, guys! We've all gotta band together to support the team! We got the three toughest matches to end the qualifiers: TnUI, Sarzonia, and Fmjphoenix."

"You nitwit, you forgot the very next match: Haperd."

"It's only matchday 10? Could've sworn it was 11."

"You don't listen very well."

"Anyway, looks like we need about eight points from four matches. I think we can do that."

"Question is, can we pass TnUI?"

"That bunch of freeloading, inbred bums? Of course."

"Hey! My wife's an Insanician."

"Point proven."

A fight breaks out. We decide it best to leave the scene.

Makinshakes Presents...
The Ketchup Times
Now you can eat your fries and read the latest news around Melmond!

Scoreless in Slaikau
After a very fatiguing string of events, the Fearless Farmers found themselves rather exhausted physically and especially emotionally when travelling to Slaikau to face the Slaikau National Team. The Fearless Farmers have had the sheer adversity to see their beloved nation invaded by violent socialists and seeing some of their cities and homes ransacked by the mean communists and for a short while being displaced from their land for a short while. Slaikau is known for being a very pedestrian side that is happy with mediocrity. The Fearless Farmers seemed to play rather half-heartedly. Although the Melmondian talent far outclassed the Slaikau side, nothing of circumstance happened throughout the entire match. No goals and no cards and one point for each side.

Revenge Against Nonesuch Street Is Very Sweet
The match against Nonesuch Street at Anachronism Park in Cali, Melmond was dare I say..a wee bit strange. First, it is the wartime ambience in Cali, one of the major cities yet to be touched by the invading socialist forces, but nevertheless, there were many troops from Melmond and ally nations protecting the stadium and the players in it. However, some of the more whacked out socialist invaders were able to penetrate the barrier of guards around Anachronism Park. Anyway, the match started out rather normally, as there was just solid football from both sides until Nonesuch Street defender H.A. Beyta embarassingly whiffed on a clear which was then taken by Melmond striker Tim Remans and was quickly put in the net past Nonesuch Street goalkeeper W.K. Highsenburg, which gave Melmond the 1-nil lead which they would maintain until halftime. However, the second half is where it would all get very weird. Taking the cue from rejected plans that the US Military mulled over on earth, a crackpot group of the socialist invaders from the Bombastic Fruit Trees of Marturia did actually create a bomb which turn to people into fruit trees, as in becoming irresistably attracted to each other. However, their form was in grenade form as its much easier to use in guerilla combat. The undercover socialist invader lit it off and try to hit two Melmond players. Unfortunately, his aim was really bad and it hit the two starting Nonesuch Street strikers, S. Chandra Seccah and J.C. MacSwell. They proceeded to start ripping each other clothes off right in front of everyone and began to make mad love. The Fearless Farmers alerted realized that almost everyone was looking at the hot action near the Melmond goalkeeper's box, leading to a unlikely goal from defender Notint Hecloset to put Melmond up 2-nil. Due to the very liberal laws in Cali about public displays of affection, Seccah and MacSwell were not arrested, but were substituted. They continued their steamy romp on the bench. The next thing the socialist try is a grenade which would attract angry rats and wasps. He tried to aim it for at times obnoxious Melmond striker Tim Remans, but instead it got hung up on the Nonesuch Street net and Nonesuch Street goalkeeper W.K. Highsenburg. The rats and wasps went straight for his head, where it swelled up until his head fell off. His head finally fell off and seeing that his head fell of, Melmond midfielder Peeko Noodleschalusen took a prayer of a shot which found the net. Melmond takes the 3-nil lead and victory. If you are worried about the condition of Nonesuch Street goalkeeper W.K. Highsenburg after his head fell off, don't be, as some Melmondian White Mages were able to cast the LIFE spell and gave him heal potions and gorilla glue just in time to make him good as new.

Fortunately No Surprises Against Pedriana
The bench of the Melmond National Team was abuzz of all the commotion around them and back at home. Rumour has it that a native capitalist counterattack was in the nation of Opalopium, the headquarters of the socialist invaders, to take back control of the Exclusive Capitalizt Zone. However, the Melmond National Team had to be wary themselves, for they were in Pedriana, the home of giant evil spiders, who you remember, destroyed things in Melmond before the socialists arrived. However, it turned out that Pedriana had no plans of any foul play, because they narrowly escaped prosecution from the city of Aldi for the destruction Bob the Giant Evil Spider caused due to the war. With the capitalists in Melmond rumoured to resurge, Pedriana did not want to risk losing money in a nation with an already imploded economy. During this clean match, it was all Melmond. Melmond scored two goals, both by Tim Remans, one by a header and the other by being in the right place at a right time, collecting a ricochet off the goalpost and putting it in the net. In the second half, it was midfielder Martin Goodwin Jr. doing the goalscoring, redirecting a strong linear shot by Melmond midfielder Jake Cormier. Melmond held the commanding 3-nil lead. The only goal for Pedriana came from an old goal, as new spread to the Melmond bench that the capitalist counterattack was successful, and the socialists peacefully surrendered power in the region. Out of utter bliss and excitement, defender Veronica Dean just gloriously kicks the ball as hard as she could in celebration of the news. Fortunately, she forgot the match was still going on and that ball went right into her net. But all in all, it was a very nice night for the Fearless Farmers as they win 3-1.

Melmond Leads Stealth Coaltion That Takes Back T-ECZ
A quiet and stealth coaltion of soliders from many capitalist nations, lead by Melmond, was able to seize upon the socialist stronghold of Oplaopium and the socialists surrendered peacefully when they realized that they were cornered and had nowhere to go. Some of them voluntarily retreated and most of them had to be ejected. Melmond is trying to work on a treaty with the group who calls themselves the People's Revolutionary Party which would stop both the PRP and the organization Melmond is part of, the Capitalist Economic Organization, or CEO, from invading and fighting each other. The United Postmodernist States of Melmond have clearly stated that they never wanted to be part of any wars in the first place, but we will do what we have to do to defend the nation. Rebuilding begins and hopefully life will become business as usual very soon.

Hiiraan Beats The Weegies as Many have Thought.
Next: The Livers of Liverpool England.

Hiiraan Players came out Confident and made sure that no player was to watch the team play in failure situation, after coming from two straight loses, Hiiraan has won against a familiar sight, The Weegies.

The Weegies have left the building all happy last time after they stole a win from the Hiiraanian side, the win today did not change the table but when we face the Liverpool England livers, we will in doubt change the table dramatically, all we need is a Kings lose and Weegies lose, this will make us go up to fourth place which in turn can get us to the world cup.

The Hiiraanian Men are not looking for a romance once more when we travel to KP on the second trip against Liverpool England, the Hiiraanians are not in no way shape or form happy about the livers Decision to change their name, we want to face the old name said the English, in protest we will forever call them the Liverpool England livers.

The Hiiraanians travel to KP not to play and show off in the media but to absolutely decimate the livers from competition, maybe they can go ahead and win second, but they will not hold us from our third place playoff. If our win takes us a military decimation of Liverpool livers, we will do so.

We will see the Livers tomorrow, who will as always think they will win but again we will shock them as we did before and show their livery pools that they are not as great or as good as formally thought, what do you expect from a team that has a players who's average age is approximately about 28 years of age, they are an old people trying to face young and enthusiastic players who are hungry for a win.

Records

5 -4-1

MD01: Squornshelous L 4-1
MD02: The Eagles Nest D 1-1
MD03: The Weegies L 3-1
MD04: Liverpool England W 1-0
MD05: Kingsford L 2-0
MD06: Ratvipa W 3-0
MD07: Antaeus Rising W 2-0
MD08:@Squornshelous L 1-3
MD09:@The Eagles Nest L 1-2
MD010:@The Weegies W 4-2
MD011:@Liverpool England
MD012:@Kingsford
MD013:@Ratviba
MD014:@Antaeus Rising

Table:

Group 9 P W D L GF GA Pts GD
Squornshelous 10 6 2 2 27 12 20 +15
Liverpool England 10 6 1 3 21 7 19 +14
The Weegies 10 6 2 2 16 12 17 +4
The Eagles Nest 10 4 4 2 13 9 16 +4
Kingsford 10 4 2 4 11 12 14 -1
Hiiraan 10 4 1 5 15 17 13 -2
Antaeus Rising 10 3 0 7 6 20 9 -14
Ratvipa 10 1 2 7 4 24 5 -20

Vikings fall a bit, but still remain unbeaten in last four maches

Qia is a team that Fmjphoenix has always had a hard time against. Its unknown why this seems to be a team that has it in for the Vikings. This match may come back to haunt Fmjphoenix, as they were only able to scrounge up a draw against Qia 1-1. Suprisingly, this is the Vikings first draw during the whole qualification. It is some consolation to take 1 point from a place where you have always struggled.

The first half was played with both sides playing tight, not allowing a single goal to get past to keep it at 0 all at the end of the first half. Sadly for Fmjphoenix, Esteban Zeus may be out for the rest of qualification as he has ben diagnosed with a severe ankle sprain. It happened when he was chasing after a loose ball and overran it, and stepped on the ball. His foot slide down the side at an akward angle and he immediatly went down. Alex Rivera went and replaced Zeus, but it is not know whether he or Brenden Kapono will start, or whether Coach Wash will opt to change his formation. We will have to wait and see on that.

At the start of the second half, Qia stuck first, as they always have against Fmjphoenix, with a strike by an unnamed player at 66 minutes to go up 1-0. The match was not looking good for Fmjphoenix, as they seemed a little listless without one of their oldest players to lead them, but Jorge Mendel showed why he is the teams captian and just as much a leader by taking charge and giving the Vikings a goal with 3 minutes remaining in the match to draw it up 1-1. Sadly the Vikings rally would end there as they could not produce another goal when a desperation shot by Mike Nolan went wide right. The match ended 1-1 all and may hurt Fmjphoenix more than it helps.

With the starting lineup in question, Fmjphoenix has a tough choice when they head home to face Nintura again. More will be given later when Coach Wash and his staff has decided what it will do for its lineup.

Fmjphoenix: 1
(Mendel 87)

Qia: 1
(Unknown 66)

World Cup XX Qualification:
MD01: Fmjphoenix vs. Nouveau Richelieu Win 4-2
MD02: Fmjphoenix @ Haperd Lose 1-2
MD03: Fmjphoenix vs. Qia Lose 0-1
MD04: Fmjphoenix @ Ninurta Win 4-1
MD05: Fmjphoenix @ Sarzonia Lose 2-3
MD06: Fmjphoenix vs. Total n Utter Insanity Lose 0-3
MD07: Fmjphoenix @ Bedistan Win 2-1
------------------------------------------------
MD08: Fmjphoenix @ Noveau Richelieu Win 2-1
MD09: Fmjphoenix vs. Hapred Win 2-1
MD10: Fmjphoenix @ Qia Draw 1-1
MD11: Fmjphoenix vs. Ninurta
MD12: Fmjphoenix vs. Sarzonia
MD13: Fmjphoenix @ Total n Utter Insanity
MD14: Fmjphoenix vs. Bedistan
Record: 5-1-4

Audioslavia Winless In Three
Three score-draws spark concern over team

Audioslavia's football side have attracted some concern after two one-one draws with Spaam and Giant Zucchini, and a 2-2 draw away to East Lithuania. Though hardly a crisis, the 'slaves new 'Total Football' system doesn't appear to be working any more.

Could it have taken just one game for each of the 'slaves opposition to get used to the system? In the first round of matches Audioslavia blitzed all comers, but this time round the opposition don't seem quite as suscepitble.

Spaam had no trouble at home to Audioslavia in the first game, going a goal up before Marriot's brilliant saved the 'slaves a point in the last ten minutes. Giant Zucchini struggled in Audioslavia for the first half-hour, but they managed to contain the 'slaves and were the better team after their 50th minute equaliser. The real scare came against East Lithuania away, where the Lithuanians ran riot in the first twenty minutes, scoring twice and hitting both posts before the 'slaves finally started pulling together. Again, Marriot had to bail the team out with a free kick on seventy minutes and a through ball for Petr Rijsbergen to score on 85.

Group 6 P W D L GF GA Pts GD
Audioslavia 10 7 3 0 18 6 24 +12
Wella 10 6 2 2 19 11 20 +8
One Red Dot 10 6 1 3 19 10 19 +9
Spaam 10 5 3 2 19 11 18 +8
Snub Nose 38 10 3 1 5 14 15 11 -1
Giant Zucchini 10 2 2 5 13 21 9 -8
East Lithuania 10 1 3 6 11 21 6 -10 E
San Verdi 10 1 1 7 8 26 4 -18 E

We keep repeating to ourselves that 'this is not a crisis', but could it turn into one? The 'slaves have to travel to third-placed One Red Dot on Wednesday, and a loss - coupled with results for the other top-three sides - could see Audioslavia's advantage over fourth place cut down to just three points; quite a difference from the eleven point lead they enjoyed in MD7.

This set of results would mean that there would be just one point seperating first from second, second from third, and third from fourth. With three games to go and the 'slaves having to play a ressurgent Snub Nose 38 and travel to second-placed Wella, Audioslavia would have a tough time on their hands.

WARRIORS SLIDE CONTINUES
Now winless in last four

The Praying2God Warriors lost yesterday to the defending WC Champions, Crystilakere 0-3. The Warriors have not won since defeating South Osettia 2-1 on MD 6. Their recent drought has led to their slide to sixth place in Group 3 with four matches to play. However, it is not out of the question for the Warriors to qualify yet, but they will likely need to win out, with third place being four points in front of them. Next up for the Warriors is a trip to Legalese, whom they beat at home earlier in qualifying 2-0 behind spectacular play by Sarah Walker to keep Legalese off the scoreboard. The challenge will be difficult, but the Warriors feel up to the fight.

Remington County Record

Obituaries

Margaret...Something
Margaret was found early this morning, clad in her habitual midnight blue hooded cape and burgundy robes, slumped over a bronze brazier in the offices of the Minister of Athletics, Olympics, and Alcoholic Beverages. In her left hand she held a small leather pouch, an eagle feather affixed to it by a silver thread. Clutched in her right hand were what appeared to be the remains of a rubber chicken.

Margaret was Halfassed - emigrating from Halfassedstates to the Frost Free Borderlands of Snub Nose 38 in her youth, taking up a still undefined position with the Ministry of Athletics, Olympics and Alcoholic Beverages. She has no known immediate family, but is survived by a niece, Meg, living with her grandmother in Halfassedstates.

Ben Dover, Spiritual Advisor of the Snub Nose 38 Hooligans, said Margaret will be missed by everyone at the Ministry. The Minister was not available for comment.

Flags have been ordered to half-mast. The Guy Currently In Charge Of Stuff For The Frost Free Borderlands Of Snub Nose 38 ordered a state funeral, "As we would for any Ambassador", he said. He will deliver the eulogy at the cremation service.

Chickens across the land rest easier tonight.

Any Sense of a Win?
The Liverpool-England Livers Come to face us once Again.

Hiiraan Comes confronting the same team again, we have beaten them once, but now we will take them out of competition, we need a win and a win is the only think that will satisfy the hunger and the passion we have for a win.

The team at training camp Alpha have said they will be going to KP in about an hour, however the team stressed more security and assured the funs that team will do all it can to pull out with a win, we cannot guarantee one but we have one right in the necks and we will get one as soon as the match is over.

The team managers have emphasized that some players may not play against Kingsford on our next match due to the a rest that we will need for the last two games of this season, a two games that can either prove successful or disastrous for us, the latter is really avoidable and we will try to avoid it, however there is no chance of a lose against teams that have performed so poorly, we will not focus on other teams at the present, we will only seek our matches and try to win every one of them, if we win today, it will surely propel us to a victory and maybe a table up, the only thing we do not know is how we are performing on KPB points wise and if we will get up the ranks to may be High forties or even high fifties. Either one of them works for us or we need all the efforts to get right pass weak teams that cannot even compare to us. One of those is Kingsford and we will beat them like they beat us before.

The Last time we fastest the kings they have come up on top because of foul play and intentional Snaps on our players, we will avoid those but we should make clear that even if on players is slaughtered on that match then all of yours will be gone.... for good.

What we mean by that is we will seek suspension of players who try to harm our players, if any players intentionally does so then the WCC IS responsible for the situation. And we will have high-level Parliamentary members pursue those players who play bad.

THE HERALD SPORTS DIGEST

Oops The Second

AS usual, the Celestials are making life hard for themselves. Two points out of six is a poor return, and the fact that the tie eliminated opponents Pterodactyl didn't even register as "Scant" on the Consolation-O-Meter™.

For those who care, and do not know, Krytenia took the lead in each half, but in both were pegged back, the match finishing two-all. THSD have decided not to file a match report - it's just too embarassing - however we will tell you that the Krytenian scorers were Dave Van Staveren and Ashley Moreaux.

The Celestials will be buoyed though by the return of veteran goalkeeper Adam Vernazza for the home tie against regional rivals Lamoni. Vernazza injured his shoulder on Matchday Five against Shonar Bangla, however returned to training yesterday morning. Three points are vital against Lamoni, as not only will it keep the pesky Banglans off the Celestials' backs for a while, it will also eliminate the Hawks. Hee Hee.

PTERODACTYL................2
Some Prehistoric Thingies 37, 81
KRYTENIA......................2
Van Staveren 11
Moreaux 70

H v LWF : W 2-1 (Downhead Park, Kallia)
A v OCE : D 1-1
H v PTE : D 0-0 (Sixways Stadium, Avidia)
A v LAM : W 3-0
A v SHB : D 1-1
H v REJ : W 3-2 (Davis Memorial Stadium, Everton City)
A v EAZ : L 1-2
A v LWF : W 4-2
H v OCE : W 2-0 (Mellion Lane, Davisham)
A v PTE : D 2-2
H v LAM : ????? (Oxley Park, Everton City)
H v SHB : ????? (New Coalfields, New Osteria)
A v REJ : ?????
H v EAZ : ????? (Davis Memorial Stadium, Everton City)

Remington County Record

Obituaries

Margaret...Something
Margaret was found early this morning, clad in her habitual midnight blue hooded cape and burgundy robes, slumped over a bronze brazier in the offices of the Minister of Athletics, Olympics, and Alcoholic Beverages. In her left hand she held a small leather pouch, an eagle feather affixed to it by a silver thread. Clutched in her right hand were what appeared to be the remains of a rubber chicken.

Margaret was Halfassed - emigrating from Halfassedstates to the Frost Free Borderlands of Snub Nose 38 in her youth, taking up a still undefined position with the Ministry of Athletics, Olympics and Alcoholic Beverages. She has no known immediate family, but is survived by a niece, Meg, living with her grandmother in Halfassedstates.

Ben Dover, Spiritual Advisor of the Snub Nose 38 Hooligans, said Margaret will be missed by everyone at the Ministry. The Minister was not available for comment.

Flags have been ordered to half-mast. The Guy Currently In Charge Of Stuff For The Frost Free Borderlands Of Snub Nose 38 ordered a state funeral, "As we would for any Ambassador", he said. He will deliver the eulogy at the cremation service.

Chickens across the land rest easier tonight.


In response to the tragedy in Snub Nose 38, all Praying2God flags have been lowered to half mast as they mourn with Snub Nose 38 at the loss of a great leader. There will be a moment of silence in memory of Margaret before the remaining Warriors home match against Eystrck.

L£1.5m retracted from Vilitan company, Jeruselem-given nickname of Terminators takes hold

The L£1.5 million paid out to a Vilitan company by the FALE has been blocked by the Government of Liverpool England after it was found that the Dance 2 Revolution team may be known as the 'Revolutionaries', and the government, eager to avoid a suit, has passed on the money to a Jeruselem company which came up with the nickname Liverpool England Terminators.

The terminators won their first game away at Kingsford 1-0, thanks to an own goal. Liverpool England next head back to Crivoska in Kaze Progressa to face Hiiraan.

We are in Sike Kali, Rejistania. The city and the rest of Rejistani is still ravaged by the anti-privatisation general strike. The trade unions announced, that the strike will last until the government passed anti-privatisation laws, prohibiting the citie to privatise state owned enterprises, the government can not pass this law, because the strike began on a sunday and most politicians were at home with the family. The strike at the railroads, the airports and the lack of available gas made it impossible for them to get to Sike by other means than by bicycle, inline skaters, on horseback or simply by walking. The number of members of the first parliament, who are in Sike, is not enough to pass a law. Can things get worse? yes, they can. Not only some politicians could not get to their aim but also the rejistanian national team, who had a match in Lamoni. The ASR used a ferry for the trip to Lamoni. The Orange-Blues arrived at the Seaside Stadium in Lamoni late and with green faces. The match kinda reflected that, and the Orange-Blue can be glad that they only conceded once. In the last minutes of the match, a free kick and a penalty changed the scoreline eventuelly and the Lasane ended with 3 points after a 2:1 score.

The result:
Lamoni 1 (Pier 38th)
Rejistania 2 (Minikse 89th 90+1st)

Coach Wash sets line-up for Nintura, still unsure for remaining matches afterwards

With the Vikings on a comeback run, gaining 10 out of a possible 12 points in the past four matches, Coach Wash was given a sticky situation yesterday as one of his top leaders on the team, Esteban Zeus was injured indefinatly with a severe ankle sprain. He is listed as out for the remainder of the qualification and possibly Cup of Harmony if Fmjphoenix fails to qualify. This may be a tough time for the Vikings, as he was one of their oldest players, and not even 30. Not it is up to the younger leaders, such as Mike Nolan, to step up and take lead to help provide leadership for this young team.

For the next match against Nintura, Coach Wash has decided to revert to a 3-4-3 formation, opting to start midfielder Quinten Bell over forward Alex Rivera. He stated that it was possible he may switch it up and play with the normal 4-3-3 with Rivera in, but it depends on the situation and how the score looks. But for the time being, the Vikings at least have to deal with this problem at home instead of on the road. Nintura is first, and Fmjphoenix is being expected to add to their chances of qualification with another 3 points, but the more important match is going to be the other of the two game homestand, when Sarzonia comes in to play. First though, the Vikings have to get through Nintura, whom they defeated 4-1 on matchday 4. Look for the players to want to score as much as they can in homage to Zeus.

Group 10
Nation P W D L GF GA Pts GD
Sarzonia 10 8 1 1 24 11 25 +13
Total n Utter Insanity 10 6 3 1 18 7 21 +11
Bedistan 10 6 3 1 17 7 21 +10
Fmjphoenix 10 5 1 4 18 16 16 +2
Haperd 10 4 2 4 17 16 14 +1
Qia 10 2 3 5 10 17 9 -7
Ninurta 10 1 1 8 7 24 4 -17 E
Nouveau Richelieu 10 1 0 9 7 20 3 -13 E

"So everything's set?"

"Yes, everything is in place. We have all the information we need, and the plan has been finalised."

"Good. When do we do it?"

"We have decided to do it on Thursday, at the end of the qualifying campaign, to make sure our cause is recognised fully."

"Good. We will give Mr. Devoll an evening he will never 'live down'..."

***

"We played Legalese?"

"Yeah."

"You said we were playing Jerusalem."

"Well, I was wrong okay! So sue me!"

"I'll be getting the lawyers out soon, don't you worry. Regardless of who we played, I got closer to the score so I win the bet."

"But it doesn't count - if I'd known we were playing Legalese, I would have said 2-0."

"No you wouldn't have!"

"Do you wanna bet?"

"No, because your bets are bogus."

"They are not."

"So you owe me a muffin and a bag of woodchippings."

"But it's cranberry - it's my favourite!"

"I don't care what flavour muffin it is, it's mine!"

"I was talking about the woodchippings."

"Oh...well, it's still mine."

"You're just acting like a big baby here."

"No, I'm not."

"Then you'll accept that the bet is off and we'll forget all about it."

"But they're my muffin and woodchippings!"

"Why are we arguing about this when we know that we're playing Jerusalem today and that we're going to lose badly again?"

"I don't know."

"We've been eliminated now."

"Yep."

"I bet we drop in the rankings, through no fault of our own."

"Yep."

"But at least P2G aren't going through either."

"That's a good thing."

"Did we ever clear up that referee incident?"

"Yeah...it wasn't one of ours - it was someone called...I can't read this...something like Marg...it's Marg-something."

"Hmm...oh well, at least we know it wasn't one of ours."

"That's the main thing."

"Do you want to make a bet on today's game?"

"With you? No."

"But I've got 1000 Kugra."

"Well...spend it on cranberry woodchips then, because I'm not betting with you."

"Oh come on!"

"Nope!"

"You're no fun."

"I know - it's fun being no fun."

An unnamed helper of President Margaret Smith is on his way to work when he passes "Bamwen's International Newsagents". As he looks at the seemingly eternal racks of publications, he came across the following.

Remington County Record

Obituaries

Margaret...Something

Startled, he whipped it off the shelf, paid Mr. Bamwen and ran to the President's office.

Unnamed helper (breathless): "Sir, sir..."

President Smith: "What now? Can't you see I'm in the middle of sorting my Honey Nut Loops into alphabetical order?"

Unnamed helper: "But sir... look at this..."

He shows the President the piece.

President Smith: "But..."

Unnamed hepler: "I know, that's what I thought."

President Smith: "...I'm not dead yet."

Unnamed helper: "No, you absolute no-brainer. It's not about you. It's about the proper Margaret."

President Smith: "Who?"

Unnamed helper: "The woman you're frikkin' named after! Can't you remember, you tried turning the whole piggin' country into clones of her?!?!?"

President Smith: "Oh, that Margaret. She's dead, you say?"

Unnamed helper: "Apparently so."

President Smith: "But... she can't die... she's Margaret..."

Unnamed helper: "Sir, a fact of life is that, in the end, we all die."

President Smith: "No. It isn't."

Unnamed helper: "Yes it is."

President Smith: "But... I don't want to die. I can't!"

Unnamed helper: "Sir, stop it. Look, this is a really important thing that has happened..."

President Smith: "...Because now I can be the Margaret!"

Unnamed helper: "Because you can... No, not that. Don't be so insensitive. The sports world has lost one of it's most influencial people."

President Smith: "Sports world? I didn't know she ever played a sport?"

Unnamed helper: "Look will you stop being so stupid!?!?!"

President Smith: "I can't just stop being stupid. It happens naturally."

Unnamed helper: "Oh, gentle jesus..."

And with that, the unnamed helper leaves the room. He goes off and prepares a statement for the President to read out. Three minutes later, President Smith reads out the following:


"People of the world,

Druida would like to offer it's condolences to everyone who ever had anything to do with Margaret... what was her other name... oh, it doesn't say... ... especially all those in Snub Nose 38 and what is left of Halfassedstates. I didn't think there was anything left... This is a sad day for us all.

Of course, the random number gods are probably still out there somewhere. I wouldn't know, I'm an amethist... ...what was that... sorry, an atheist. But what I do know is that, if the reports are true, then her legacy will live on."

Jeruselem Government News

Engineer earns Jeruselem L£1.5m

Bob Mulberry, who works for an engineering company Silverstein Engineering, was with Jeruselem team as a part-time driver for it's team bus. When they heard about Liverpool England's competition to change it's nickname from the Philosophers, he was busy fixing something on the parked bus. The team tried some suggestions but none stuck and everyone had no idea. Bob cursed "Damn burnout terminators!" as he struggled to fix the bus.

The team coach submitted Bob's idea and it won. Liverpool England are now the Terminators not inspired by Arnie but a broken bus. Bob got a pay rise for his actions and is now the full-time driver for team. Since then Bob has decided to quit engineering and said "No one appreciates me at work. They think I have no ideas about things. I've dedicated myself to the beautiful game and helping Jeruselem win the World Cup. I got some training today and I think I'm not very fit."

The problem with bus was a burned out terminator.

We do not know if Liverpool England players now wear black jackets and walk around with shotguns in their spare time outside soccer.

Lethislavania [1] - [1] Tadjikistan

It was a peaceful night in Tadjikistan, and hopes ran high. Newbie Lethislavania was their oppisition, and although a tie had appeared earlier this qualifying, Tadjik's were now positive of a win.

Damn, where they wrong.

Lethislavania dominated the first half, with the possesion of the ball almost seventy-five percent. Thomas Boeing surged up the field late in the half, working around Tadjik defenders, and let loose a surge upon the ball, sending it flying into the goal.

The dominanace continued into the second half, and the crowd stood there shocked - This was not the team they had seen last World Cup.

However, late in the game, one Tadjik forward jumped out and carried the ball, shooting the ball over the head of Jorge, to tie the game. Fantastik play, boys.

Security in Kaze Progressa beefed up ahead of Liverpool England-Hiiraan clash
New nickname said to be cause of worries for Progressan FA and police

Ahead of the forthcoming MD11 clash between Liverpool England and Hiiraan on neutral ground in Crivoska, Kaze Progressa, security has been beefed up. This is due to the team's new nickname of the Terminators as organisers who've offered to sponsor the neutral venue fear that Liverpool England supporters will carry arms and dress like Arnold Schwarzenegger entering the stadium.

Liverpool England's Police Force has dispatched 200 officers to Crivoska to help with the task at hand of potentially having to disarm supporters of any weapons which may be used on the pitch.

In response to the tragedy in Snub Nose 38, all Praying2God flags have been lowered to half mast as they mourn with Snub Nose 38 at the loss of a great leader. There will be a moment of silence in memory of Margaret before the remaining Warriors home match against Eystrck.

Vilitans Urge P2G not to worry

This is the umpeenmillionth time that Margaret has died because Snub did something without asking the hosts and I yelled at him for it and he couldnt handle my little rant. Odd to see the power a sociopath like me has over a fully grown man.

...end of transmission...

Matchday 11 Scores and Tables are now available here. (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=8020500&postcount=14)

Not so, little sociopath - ;) . Margaret has been missing before, and ill (to include deathly ill) before, and seriously demented before...well, usually... - but never dead before.

As to how much Margarets death has to do with a reaction to your most recent childish outburst - almost nothing. Take a look at the sign up thread for WC 21 (Is there a sign up thread for WC 21?). Well, if there is, SN38 has not signed up. I haven't even looked for the thread, and had no intention of looking for it or signing up. Still don't. Your recent attempt to chastise me is only responsible for my being annoyed with you - yet again - for assuming the mantle of authority without a mandate to do so.

There are a number of reasons why I'd already decided to "fold up the tent" (besides the fact that it's just too bedraggled to be useful anymore), and close up shop on the Frost-Free Bordlerands. Bordlerands? some sort of new gold ingot? Know, oui jsut cna't seam too spel. Borderlands, of course

Top 10 reasons why SN38 is going to finish out WC 20 (with some sort of appropriate BANG) and then fade away:

10. Because that's what old soldiers do (see: MacArthur, Douglas - retirement speach at West Point). And I am, both literally, and in this case figuratively, an old soldier.

9. Because Margaret, Ben, Eileen, et al are way past retirement age. In fact, Margaret, Ben and Eileen are dead. "Et al" are still alive, but talk about grey hare (oops - hair - don't want to offend Vilita with any miss-spellings)! And ol' Albert Onestone can't remember how to tie his shoes, or spell his name. Anita Brake uses a walker - on good days. Beverly can't find her way to the ticket window without a map, and frequent assistance from her nurse.

8. Because TGCICOSFTFFBOSN38 recently realized that there doesn't appear to be anything new under the sun (I found myself doing "re-runs" for Pete's sake).

7. Because --- *we find ourselves in the midst of the "new" nswc. looking around, we find conspicuous by their absence such old friends as tanah burung and lemmitania, to name only a few (well, two...). and others we notice present but silent (spaam, to name a few...well, okay, one). we are saddened. we miss the friendly in character "attacks", the banter...we decide to go to the nearest pub and get drunk. we head for the dragon and the dragon fly, to do so.*

6. Because I just can't seem to find the Hooligans Cheerleaders...whatever muse originally "showed" them to us seems to have departed.

5. Because the Asteroid Sports Network hasn't been on the air in several World Cups. Don't know why - they just don't seem to be in evidence. Maybe they found the Hooligans Cheerleaders, and are having the worlds biggest virtual party. Certainly hope so.

4. Because the atmosphere in the NSWC is less fun and humor than it used to be, and the fun and humor seems to have been replaced by order, correctness, and actual interest in the outcome of football matches between non-existant sides of non-existant footballers, playing non-existant matches in a game within a game. I've never really cared who won - it's always been about the entire fiction and what humor could be found in it.

3. Because - oddly this hurts a bit - the newbs don't know who I am...and I can't seem to make them care to find out. NOT their fault - mine.

2. Because I have some other ideas I want to develop. Always wanted to be a writer. Found out here in NationStates-World-Cup-Land that I can actually sort of do it, and some people actually read what I write, and find something in there they like. Imagine my surprise! So...I think we'll give that a go.

1. Because it's time. Regardless of why, I have behaved a bit badly a couple of times (anybody care to count?) during the last few cups. I think it's frustration, or something. Basically, Snub Nose 38 is done. Time to realize it, and exit on as positive a note as possible.

So...there WILL be Hooligans, and/or Hooligan-ish reports for the remainder of WC20 Qualifiers. We're gonna try to exit with a flourish.

Folks, I've really enjoyed playing with you all. I consider it a privilege to have interacted with such an intelligent, interesting, and creative group.

And, if I ever do get something written/published, it'll be dedicated to Margaret and all the fine folks she met in the NSWC...

Stars win clinches berth, 1-0

WOODSTOCK (ASP) -- The match wasn't nearly as crisp or as sharp as Sarzonia Coach Dave Wilson wanted. The team played like it was in a fog after a 3-2 loss to Haperd, but the Stars still overcame their lethargic play and won thanks to a Bobby Convey goal from the spot that proved to be the only goal of the match.

The Stars (9-1-1, 28 points) became one of only three teams to clinch a berth in the World Cup finals and maintained their four point lead over Total 'n Utter Insanity for the group lead. Despite the result, Wilson dismissed talk of the remaining three matches being meaningless.

"We still have to play our kind of game to win," Wilson said. "We haven't been sharp these past few games and we need to build some momentum to go into the finals."

For the first 75 minutes of the match, it looked like the Stars wouldn't get a chance to develop any momentum. Qia played a defensive-minded game and kept sending balls past the touch line to spoil their favored opponents's rhythm. The Stars launched 12 shots with seven on goal during the run of play, but the team didn't get a legitimate scoring opportunity until forward Brian Wilson was fouled in the box.

"That was a hard foul, a professional foul," Brian Wilson said. "It looked like he was trying to take me out on purpose."

With forward Barry Alphonso being substituted for and Brian Wilson still smarting from the foul, Convey stepped forward to take the penalty. He got the goalkeeper to commit to his right and fired into the middle of the net to put the Stars ahead in the 76th minute. From there, the Stars weathered the storm as Qia made its three substitutions to tighten its defense.

The Stars will travel to Fmjphoenix for a match that Dave Wilson said would be "all important" to the Vikings.

"We're going to have to treat this as a must-win game for us because we know we're going to get their best effort," Wilson said. "We can't afford to be lackadasical."

Pratt Makes Second Hat Trick
http://adamisland.blogspirit.com/archive/2005/01/24/pratt_makes_second_hat_trick.html

Jerilyn Pratt, starting forward for the Adam Island National Football Team, amazed the world with her hat trick against Talzeckia two matches ago. But apparently that wasn't enough for her or the thousands of Adam Islanders who packed The ADAMDOME to see AI's rematch against GT-R.

AI lost to GT-R in the first game of the Group 7 qualifiers, beginning a four-game losing streak that pushed them down to 5th place. The Adam Islanders came out fighting, with Ted Coelho and Jerilyn Pratt scoring 1 goal each in the first 7 minutes of play.

GT-R came back and got one past keeper Zaida Sandys, but "The Wall" stayed solid the rest of the match, and four shots were bounced off the young star goalie from Adam County before the end of the half.

The second half was all Pratt. She pushed in 5 shots on goal, including one that was narrowly saved by the keeper and 2 that sailed right past him. Teammate midfielders Leeann Bernet and Jeremiah Lipski helped her with assists.

With 3 games left to go, Adam Island is in second place by virtue of goal differential. Both Kylaai and Kaze Progressa have as many points as AI, and the Adam Islanders will have to do well against the final three teams- each of whom they dropped their previous match against.

NEXT GAME: AI @ Kylaai (1-2, 7-8)

Tides out, but not down, win 2-1

The Talzecki colonial football team has become known as a team that has trouble scoring and has regularly lost matches by 3-0 and 4-0 scores during this World Cup qualifying campaign. With the team travelling to the group's top seeded and world eighth ranked Kaze Progressa, it wasn't expected to have a chance after drawing the Progressans 1-1 at home.

But riding the first two goal game by a Talzecki player, the Tides shocked the football world by beating Kaze Progressa 2-1.

"This is hands down the best moment of my life," Coach Avid Mashoda said. "To beat the world's eighth ranked team is a thrill I'm not going to forget for a long, long time."

It didn't matter that the Tides were eliminated from contention for the World Cup finals. It didn't matter that it was just the third win of the World Cup qualifying campaign against six losses and two draws. It didn't matter that the team's goal differential was now a dismal minus 18. It didn't matter that the team is averaging just over half a goal per match.

Rock worked the offense to perfection, beating Kaze Progessa's goalkepeer twice with nearly identical laser shots that left him no chance. Goalkeeper Nick Reynolds made eight saves in a match that seemed surprisingly easy for him, and the Tides played like a team that had something to prove to its supporters who thought the team would just roll over and play dead.

"We've still got fight left in us," Reynolds said. "We may not be in the Finals, but we might have put Kaze Progressa out."

The result couldn't have been worse for Kaze Progressa. Losing to the team that was the lowest seed of any in the group at home was bad enough, but the team is now trailing Kylaai for third place because of goal differential.

2. Because I have some other ideas I want to develop. Always wanted to be a writer. Found out here in NationStates-World-Cup-Land that I can actually sort of do it, and some people actually read what I write, and find something in there they like. Imagine my surprise! So...I think we'll give that a go.


Vilitan Publishing Company Invites Snubby

---------------Vilita National Inc., One of the largest publishing company's in Atlantian Oceania, has formerly invited 'Snubby Wiva Nose', the supposed pen name of an underground writer most notable for the creation of the mythical stories of Margaret and her cast of devious doers, to a tour of their facilities and a meeting with their top editors. Maak Linaia, one of the directors at the facility, had this to say.

"There are always feuds between writers and editors as to what to say where, and what not to say where. But in the end, a talent is a talent and we can't take that away from Snubby Wiva Nose. Every writer deserves their time, and I think Snubby's time is now. I would hope that Snubby Wiva Nose will accept our invitation to tour our facilities, and hopefully that will lead to a short term contract where we would be able to work with this famed underground writer for a long time to come. We think it's really cool that Snubby Wiva Nose is looking to invest more time into their work, and if we are the ones that can help them with it, then we'll consider ourselves the lucky ones."

Unnamed helper: "Sir, can I ask you something?"

President Smith: "Go ahead."

Unnamed helper: "Well, I've been wondering... in sports, now there's no NEWI Cefn Druids, who exactly are our rivals?"

President Smith: "That's a tough one. I'd have thought Sliponia."

Unnamed helper: "Sir, Sliponia were NEWI Cefn Druids' rivals. But because we were too, it kind of made Sliponia our friends."

President Smith: "Did it?"

Unnamed helper: "Apparently so."

President Smith: "Have you asked them recently?"

Unnamed helper: "All seems to have been quiet in Sliponia recently. Not heard so much as a whisper come out of the place all cup, even when they scored five goals in two consecutive games."

President Smith: "Oh, that's a shame. So it isn't Sliponia and it isn't NEWI Cefn Druids."

Unnamed helper: "Neither."

President Smith: "Well then, it appears that we don't really have one."

Unnamed helper: "That's what I thought."

President Smith: "Your point being?"

Unnamed helper: "Well, maybe we should go looking for one?"

President Smith: "And how might we do that?"

Unnamed helper: "Well, look at this. We'll print it in the NEWI Of The World, and..."

President Smith: "NEWI Of The What?"

Unnamed helper: "NEWI Of The World. It's the International version of the Daily Druid, last seen sometime around World Cup 12 or 13."

President Smith: "Oh."

Unnamed helper: "Anyway, they'll run this..."


WANTED!

RIVALS NEEDED FOR FOOTBALL TEAM FROM REASONABLY FRIENDLY NATION

MUSTN'T BE TOO NASTY ABOUT THE WHOLE THING

Send all replies to:
13 Howard Mews,
Cefn,
Cefn-Mawr,
Druida.


President Smith: "You think that'll work?"

Unnamed helper: "Why shouldn't it?"

President Smith: "Well, usually something has to happen between two nations for a rivalry to form."

Unnamed helper: "In what way?"

President Smith: "As in, something that makes the people not particularly like each other."

Unnamed helper: "Oh. Still, if we get any replies, I'll send them on to you."

President Smith: "Indeed. Although I do have an idea..."

Explosion of Offence brings Hope to Eauz fans

It was a cool one in Zuka as the temperature unusually dropped down to 7 degrees Celsius. Add on that there was a brisk wind, and it was not the most wonderful time to be playing football. Despite this, the two teams were set to play. The last time Oceaice and Eauz met up, Eauz was embarrassed by a 2 – 2 tie. This match would be different for Eauz. Due to the weather, not many fans were on attendance, and thus this match would be relying on which team is strongest.

Attending the match were a few Rejistanian scouts and members of the team, as they wanted to get a heads up on how to beat Eauz. The referee blew the whistle, and it was match time. Oceaice started off with the ball, but they seemed a bit weak or out of place, probably due to the fact that they are used to the warm beach conditions of Oceaice. Mendove and Vasser took advantage of this, and claimed the ball. Brining it up field, Mendove sent a great pass towards Vasser, who notched the first goal of the game at the 5th minute of play. Most of the fans had no chance to be settled in with this starting goal. Moving ahead to the 20th minute of play, Costé went in for an attack, and got cut by the cleats on his arm. With the cold and wind, it definitely didn’t feel good, but he was patched up and able to continue play. Back in the Oceaice zone, where D'Aubigne was brining the ball up field. She sent a pass towards the net, which bounced off an Oceaice defender, and to the open Rousseau who sent the ball top shelf, putting Eauz up 2 – 0 at the 24th minute of play. The offence didn’t stop there, as Vasser reclaimed easily the ball and passed it up to Alia, who headed it back to Mendove. Mendove let go of a hard shot, which was temporarly blocked by the keeper, but due to the momentum of the ball, rolled past the line, putting Eauz up 3 – 0 at the 28th minute of play. Les Bleus fell back for a bit do concentrate on defence, and see if the Oceaice offence can find itself. After barely, nothing going on with the Oceaice offence, Eauz was back on the attack, as Bedeau let go of a rocket down field, which was picked up by Alia, who turned around, and fired it towards the net. It clanked off the uprights, and over to Theodoric, who scissor kicked the ball into the net, giving the keeper no chance to stop the ball. Les Bleus were in cruse control at this moment, as they were leading 4 – 0 at recess.

Despite the cold weather, Eauz seemed to be in bright spirit and better than they have been lately. They came back on the field to the small support of dedicated fans in the stadium. The second half wasn’t as exciting, mainly due to the fact that Eauz didn’t want to embarrass Oceaice too much, and the coach wanted to rest some of his players for the game against Rejistania. There was no real change in the Oceaice offence either, as they were no challenge to Eauz. A weird thing though occurred during the 84th minute of play, when Bedeau sent a long goal kick down field, which somehow hit something on the ground which deflected it, and sent it into the Oceaice net, putting Eauz up 5 – 0. Bedeau could not believe it, and nor could anyone else, as he notched his first goal of his career. That would be the example of how this match was, as Eauz destroys Oceaice and takes the 3 points.

With the victory, Eauz improves to 8 – 3 – 0, still without a loss. The next match for Eauz will be against Rejistania, who will be looking for revenge against Eauz. This match could possibly decide who will finish first and who will finish 2nd in group 1.



Group 1 P W D L GF GA Pts GD
Eauz 11 8 3 0 24 7 27 +17
Rejistania 11 9 0 2 22 7 27 +15
Krytenia 11 6 4 1 20 12 22 +8
----------------------------------------------------
Shonar Bangla 11 5 4 2 16 10 19 +6
Oceaice 11 3 3 5 13 20 12 -7
Lamoni 11 2 1 8 9 23 7 -14
Pterodactyl 11 0 4 7 8 17 4 -9
Limp Wristed Fish 11 1 1 9 7 23 4 -16


Match Day 1: Pterodactyl @ Eauz W 0 - 2
Match Day 2: Eauz @ Lamoni W 4 - 1
Match Day 3: Limp Wristed Fish @ Eauz W 0 - 3
Match Day 4: Eauz @ Oceaice T 2 - 2
Match Day 5: Eauz @ Rejistania W 1 - 0
Match Day 6: Eauz @ Shonar Bangla T 2 - 2
Match Day 7: Krytenia @ Eauz W 1 - 2

Match Day 8: Eauz @ Pterodactyl T 1 - 1
Match Day 9: Lamoni @ Eauz W 1 - 2
Match Day 10: Eauz @ Limp Wristed Fish W 1 - 0
Match Day 11: Oceaice @ Eauz W 0 - 5
Match Day 12: Rejistania @ Eauz
Match Day 13: Shonar Bangla @ Eauz
Match Day 14: Eauz @ Krytenia

So I thought I'd go and see what the hub-bub was about. It wasn't usual to hear people cheering in the World Cup Department anymore, and I was intrigued as to the reason. In the holo-room, I saw Moira Jackson standing on the tips of the toes at the back, looking over the crowd, or at least trying to.

"Can you see what's going on?"

"No, I'm too small. Here, let me stand on your shoulders." Without waiting for permission, she clambered onto my back, digging her heels into my spine as she did so. It felt surprisingly good.

"Okay, I've got it. It looks like we put in an official bid to host the Cup Of Harmony with Liverpool England. It seems that pending any further bids, we're almost guaranteed to get it." That was pretty good news, and I could see what all the fuss was about.

"Oh good - maybe we'll make up for not getting wins here by winning another shiny trophy." I really liked my shiny trophies. I had one, I wanted more.

Jingle bells, jingle bells, jingle all the way!

"Wait, something else is coming up." I'd never have guessed. "Jerusalem 1, South Osettia 2! Oh my God, we beat Jerusalem!" At that, I stood up straight, and as I did so, Moira toppled off of my shoulders, pummelling the man in front.

"Oh my God, we beat Jerusalem!"

"I just said that."

"What about P2G?"

"I'm not getting back on your shoulders."

"Aaaaghhh, my spine!" screamed the man who had been in front of us, but who was know writhing in agony on the floor.

"WHAT ABOUT P2G!?!" I shouted above the noise. Someone near the front shouted back.

"They lost 4-1 to Legalese!" This day was just getting better and better. We now had eight points, with three games left. If we won all three of them, we'd have seventeen points, and would have a chance of finishing above P2G. My attitude towards the whole competition changed at that point. I realised that this was no longer a damage limitation mission. We needed to finish in sixth, and it was within our grasp. It was so closeI could taste it, and it was very, very greasy.

***

"It appears that we have won."

"What?"

"Jerusalem 1, South Osettia 2. We won."

"Curses! What does this mean for the plan? If we finish in sixth we cannot execute the plan, surely."

"It means that we carry on preparing. We must strike regardless. Even if we do finish sixth, Mr. Devoll must feel our wrath..."

To: Alvin Ker (President - aSWORD) <a_ker@asword.gov.rd>
From: Chris Gwee (WC Head Coach/Chisai'nihon Coach) <cgwee@cnfc.org.rd>
Subject: MD11 and some saddening news
Sent at: 25 January (some year) 0142h GMT

Well, it hasn't been going very well. What we need are wins, not losses, and today, or rather yesterday, we drew Spaam 2-2 at the Hyder Stadium. I'm sure you heard of it already too. I realy commend the way Mikey and Cuthbert gave them a hard-fought match they won't forget. I do realise it won't get any easier, but somehow it seems disappointing. Now I do know how you felt when you coached this team some 40-odd years ago.

As said, it is Audioslavia next. They don't seem to be up to form and so I think we can strike while the iron's hot. Even if we don't win, a draw will be satisfying too.

And as for Wella, I haven't heard much from them, but we can give them another thumping like the other time. I think the Chisai'nihon Stadium's atmosphere can give us a good confidence boost.

Finally SN38. I don't know if you heard it yet, but if it hasn't, then I'll be the first one to tell you. It seems that the Hooligans will be making this WC the final one in their footballing history. It is definitely a sad occasion, especially since, as it has been printed in history - SN38 and ORD joined at around the same time period and till now together has become one of the experienced ones. It is sad to see someone go. But of course, even when one goes, we must move on.

Our final and their final qualifying match will be the same. I don't know if this is a good thing or a bad thing. One of celebration, or one of farewell. Nevertheless, despite all, I'm sure that we will give them a match they will never forget, so that they can, as they said, finish WC20 with a bang.







*click* 'Send'








"invalid_session"

Five Civilized Nations Draws With Nova Britannicus After Upsetting Lykaia

In a bygone hope of keeping itself alive, the Five Civilized Nations Stellar National Team drew with Nova Britannicus today 1-1. At first, the National Team found itself demoralized from previous defeats, including a 2-0 loss against Lovisa followed by a 3-0 loss against Vilita. But a stunning 1-0 upset against Lykaia kept hopes alive.

In yesterday's match against Lykaia, weak slashing attacks by the forwards and midfielders of both sides made the match a defender's match. When the first half ended, neither side had scored. In the second half, an arching long-range shot by star forward Yu Yan was blocked by the Lykaian goalie, sending the ball out of bounds.

In a powerful corner kick by midfielder Sun Yi, the ball connected with forward Zhong Jin. Immediately however, the ball was stolen. In the resulting melee in front of the net, a well-placed kick by Team Captain Ma Xiong scored a goal, winning the Five Civilized Nations only its third win of the World Cup.

In today's match, the National Team buoyed by yesterday's win, played well, but found themselves playing against a brick wall. Although the National Team was continuously challenged by a well-rounded Nova Britannicus team. At first, the National Team was kept on the defensive, threatened by the powerful Nova Britannicus defense. Several near-misses by Nova Britannicus forwards, Charlie Bowman and Phil Cox, raised the tension felt among the National Team. When the half ended, the National Team was thoroughly demoralized, especially with a 44th minute Nova Britannicus goal.

When the second half began, slashing attacks by the forwards, Yu Yan and Zhong Jin, kept the Nova Britannicus team on their toes. At the 89th minute, a last minute pass by Team Captain Ma Xiong to forward Yu Yan resulted in the only the second goal of the match. The goal awarded the Five Civilized Nations its fourth non-loss of the World Cup.

Vikings miss out again with second straight draw, must win for qualifications hopes now

One the heels of another disasterous breakdown, the Vikings only managed one goal, much to the charign to the fans and only managed to draw a team they defeated at their home in Nintura 1-1. Now Fmjphoenix's hope lies in defeating the only team to already clinch qualification in group 10, Sarzonia, the team to defeat Fmjphoenix the most in its history.

The match against Nintura did not go as hoped. The Vikings looked sluggish and Nintura seemed prepared to take full advantage of it. Nintura capped of strong play in the opening half with a goal at 44 minutes to go up 1-0. The second half started out with a lot more aggresive play, but Powell Lamar was holding tight and did not allow anything else to break through, as he ended the second half clean. Luckily, a late strike by Mike Nolan, who has stepped up to provide leadership for the loss of Esteban Zeus, put the match tied at 84 minutes. It was not the match that Coach Wash envisioned the Vikings playing, and not how the Vikings need to head into the last 3 matches, which are going to be the hardest ones.

With the draw, Fmjphoenix still finds itself in 4th place, but now sit 7 points behind both Bedistan and Total n Utter Insanity. Right now, the Vikings are preparing all out to try and oust Sarzonia and walk away with a victory.

Fmjphoenix: 1
(Nolan 84)

Nintura: 1
(Unknown 44)

World Cup XX Qualification:
MD01: Fmjphoenix vs. Nouveau Richelieu Win 4-2
MD02: Fmjphoenix @ Haperd Lose 1-2
MD03: Fmjphoenix vs. Qia Lose 0-1
MD04: Fmjphoenix @ Ninurta Win 4-1
MD05: Fmjphoenix @ Sarzonia Lose 2-3
MD06: Fmjphoenix vs. Total n Utter Insanity Lose 0-3
MD07: Fmjphoenix @ Bedistan Win 2-1
------------------------------------------------
MD08: Fmjphoenix @ Noveau Richelieu Win 2-1
MD09: Fmjphoenix vs. Hapred Win 2-1
MD10: Fmjphoenix @ Qia Draw 1-1
MD11: Fmjphoenix vs. Ninurta Draw 1-1
MD12: Fmjphoenix vs. Sarzonia
MD13: Fmjphoenix @ Total n Utter Insanity
MD14: Fmjphoenix vs. Bedistan
Record: 5-2-4

EL CID NEWS.
NEWS YOU CAN USE.

sports news

Looks like we made it!!!

EL CID THE HERO [3] (Kraid 34, 67, 88)
Slaikau [2] (? 2, 21)

it was after the final cheer died down that the lions realised what Prog Kraid, Doomhammer and the rest of the team had done. Playing well for the most part they will now go forward into the world cup finals for the 5th straight time

it could not have started any worse. a balloon that landed on the pitch defected the ball away from Kim and into the back of the net. the crowd were lived that the ref allowed the goal. but as their was no rule against receiving assistance from balloons the ref had to give it. The thrower of the balloon was subsequently beaten by a angry mob.

Just when it seamed like it couldn't get any worse it did. in the 21st wild collided with soup thus opening a gap in the defence and allowing Slaikau to let one off. in was 2-0 before the half hour mark. people were becoming depressed with the lion's performance and many left to avoid the rush out at the end.

They however missed a treat. As, with a new sense of purpose the midfielder Prog Kraid began to reinvigour the team. And in the 34th he was the one that was in the box that got his head to the ball when it matted. The result still left the lions trailing by 1 goal too 2 at the brake.

it is perhaps fitting that since Kraid only fired up in the later part of the qualifiers that he will be remembered for his skill in the later part of this match. he broke through the Slaikau defence 4 times. However only 1 shot was on target. in the 67th El Cid levelled at 2-2 and the lions were well and truly back in the match.

the rest of the match was quirt with the lions getting plenty of good chances but no goals. but In the 88th min the lions got the chance they needed. a free kick just outside the box and it was decided that only 1 man could take the kick. Kraid did and it went the way he wanted. 3-2 with only 2+ min to go and the lions were back from the dead.

With the lions qualified the attention has shifted to beating Melmond and thus ensuring a 1st place finish

read and you will find

MD8 : El Cid the hero 3 - 1 Nonesuch Street
MD9 : Pedriana 0 - 2 El Cid the hero
MD10: El Cid the hero 2 - 1 Harlesburg
MD11: Slaikau 2 - 3 El Cid the hero
MD12: Melmond v El Cid the hero
MD13: The Belmore Family v El Cid the hero
MD14: El Cid the hero v Raptor Claw



Group 4 P W D L GF GA Pts GD
EL CID THE HERO 11 9 1 1 24 10 28 +14
Melmond 11 6 3 2 19 10 21 +9
The Belmore Family 11 6 3 2 20 12 21 +8
----------------------------------------------------
Slaikau 11 4 2 5 15 16 15 -1
Raptor Claw 11 4 2 5 13 15 14 -2
Nonesuch Street 11 3 1 7 11 20 10 -9
Harlesburg 11 1 5 5 9 15 8 -6
Pedriana 11 2 1 8 6 18 7 -12

The mood in the home team's locker room at Legalese National Stadium, as well as at the adjoining Soccer House, was jubilant. Not only had Legalese just taken a 4-1 victory over upstarts Praying 2 God, but Jeruselem's loss bumped them into a tie for third place in the group! With goal differential, the Black and Red looked to be in very good shape, long as they can stay with Jeruselem the rest of the way.

Accenuating the joy was the return of keeper Tommy Walters. Walters, disappearing during pre-qualifying training, made his arrival back into the soccer world known. He made 10 saves in his return, only letting one goal get by him late in the match. Carlos Manachev may have been the man of the match with his superb command of the midfield, but Tommy deserved the game ball, clearly.

Manager Robbie Heard sat in the office hours later, letting the joy sink in. As much as he loved the result, the time to celebrate was not here yet. Legalese first has to get by Jeruselem in the next match. On the plus side, a win now would put the Black and Red ahead, rather than simply pulling them even. At least it's a home match, thought Robbie. That should be a little easier to deal with. We just can't have a letdown happen after tonight.

However, Legalese's follow-ups will be with Crystilakere and Ianisle, the top teams in the group. Fortunately, Jeruselem has the same opposition, which should help Legalese's chances.

Unfortunately, Eystrck may have a slightly easier road ahead. Despite the loss to Crystilakere, they have the bottom-dwellers in the group ahead, with South Osettia, Nevigrad, and Praying 2 God in their way. Fortunately, they do have to make up not only 3 points, but a number of goals to catch. Also, these three teams at the bottom have been just as difficult to extract points from as well, so Robbie feels optimistic about plans.

"It's nearly two in the morning? I must get some sleep!" With that, the manager headed to bed, until he realized he had left the television on in the background. As he went to shut it off, some odd news came over the airwaves:

"Earlier today, the Legalese Meteorlogical Service noted that the storm clouds over the rest of the nation appear to be calming. Maybe there will be hope of entering the rest of the nation after all. For more, we turn to our weather expert, Jack McKewon..."

The Bedistan Sports Digest

Staying Regular
These World Cup qualifiers brought to you by the numbers '2' and '1'

SONOMA CITY -- I'm sure most of you didn't even have to pick up today's copy of the Sports Digest to catch the score for the Haperd match, or watch it on TV either. Why? Because you already knew. Two goals for, one against. That's been pretty much the rule in these qualifiers so far. No fewer than five of the eleven matches to date have involved a 2-1 scoreline, four of them wins. Wins aren't a bad thing, obviously, but can't we mix it up? Maybe 4-2. Or 5-0. Pull a Rejistania and make it 10-1. At least spice it up a little bit!

Flags at Fillmore National Stadium flew at half-mast today in honor of the recently departed Margaret, to whom many trillions of Vodka Gimlets (the currency of Snub Nose 38) went in the form of bribe money. Unfortunately, police had to arrest twelve Vilitan citizens that attempted to tear down the flags. They are being charged with disorderly conduct, which will likely earn them a sentence of 13 hours in the Sonoma City jail. With that minor problem averted, the match got underway.

However, it was hardly exciting. Indeed, it seemed like we all had seen this match before. Except we thought the original opponent was Nouveau Richelieu, but it was definitely at that stadium. Or maybe we were thinking of the other Haperd match, an away affair at their stadium. Regardless, the whole thing seemed scripted. Not a soul was surprised when Vanessa Carpenter opened the scoring in the 38th minute; in fact, I think the guy operating the scoreboard changed the score about five seconds before the ball hit the net. Much the same was true of Kyle Dean's goal in the 69th. And when Haperd pulled one back fifteen minutes before full time, we all knew there would be no additional goals for either side. Two-one was once again the final score, and while the three points were certainly nice, many fans felt cheated for paying to watch a game they'd already seen multiple times in the last year and a half.

In other Group 10 news, Sarzonia officially qualified today, becoming one of only three nations to do so so far. They hold a seven-point lead over TnUI, who still hang on to their paper-thin margin over the Green-Blues on goal difference. The bottom four are officially out; Fmjphoenix now look like longshots in fourth place, seven points behind TnUI and Bedistan. The Vikings more or less must win all three remaining matches to have any hope of qualifying. With TnUI and Bedistan playing each other next month, a draw would put both nations through unless Fmjphoenix win. If the Vikings lose to Sarzonia, Bedistan and TnUI are both through regardless of what happens in that match.

FINAL SCORE:
Eh, you know it by now, so we won't bother

Home Win for 'Slaves against San Verdi
San Verdi Verdi, San Verdi Vici, Then San Verdi Fucked Off

Goals by Killian Rijsbergen and Oliver Dannes gave Audioslavia a comfortable win over newcomers San Verdi.

SV were never really in the game, having just three shots on goal in the whole ninety minutes against a depleted Audioslavian side which featured just three first-team players.

Dannes, making his first start since the 19th World Cup, scored the winner on the half-hour mark, pouncing on an Avari cross to head home the winner.

In other news, the 'slaves are contemplating answering Druida's call for a new rival. Many would argue that Audioslavia already have enough enemies, but we think theres room for one more. Lets have a look at the current crop of rivalries.

Rivalry 1: Lemmitania
Audioslavia 1-2 Lemmitania, World Cup 4 Qualifiers
Audioslavia 1-1 Lemmitania, World Cup 4 second round (Lemmitania won 4-3 on penalties)
Audioslavia 1-1 Lemmitania, World Cup 6 first round
Audioslavia 1-2 Lemmitania, World Cup 13 first round

The Audioslavia/Lemmitania rivalry started way back in the 'slaves first World Cup as their neighbours beat them in the fourth match of the qualifying stage. Audioslavia's grudge was held for an entire six months before the two sides met again in the second round of the same cup, which Lemmitania won on penalties. The Audioslavia-Lemmitania rivalry has always been friendly, and Lemmitanian broadcasters commentated on Audioslavia's World Cup 12 final with Rejistania for Audioslavian television, as well as Lemmitanian radio.

Rivalry 2: Total 'n Utter Insanity
Audioslavia 1-0 Total 'n Utter Insanity, World Cup 10 first round
Audioslavia 1-0 Total 'n Utter Insanity, World Cup 11 first round
Audioslavia 0-3 Total 'n Utter Insanity, World Cup 14 Qualifier
Audioslavia 2-1 Total 'n Utter Insanity, World Cup 14 Qualifier

The Audioslavia/TnUI rivalry dates back as far as World Cup 5. Audioslavia were struggling in their qualifying group and TnUI took the piss. The same thing happened in World Cup 9 where TnUI said of the 'slave team "Power? They couldn't power their way out of a paper bag!". The rivalry escalated mainly because Audioslavian spokesmen are generally more witty and clever than TnUI spokesmen, and so the Insanicians of the world began to look at the Audioslavians with contempt, especially after the 'slaves thumped them 1-0 in both world cup 10 and world cup 11. There was some revenge for the Insanicians however, as the TnUFBI eviscerated most of the Audioslavian football side during World Cup 11.

Rivalry 3: The Belmore Family
Audioslavia 2-3 The Belmore Family, World Cup 8 first round
Audioslavia 1-2 The Belmore Family, World Cup 9 first round
Audioslavia 1-0 The Belmore Family, Eagles Cup 5 semi-final

Another geographical neighbour, Belmorians and Audioslavians have traded insults since the dawn of time. Wheras pre-civilisation conversations usually consisted of: "Oi, Belmore, you suck", "Who dat? Who derr?", "Here, moron!", "Who? You? Ooo Arr! Youre a dickhead!, "Wanker", "Nobjockey!", modern insults have revolved around a dictionary, as can be seen by both party's parts in the War on ErrorismTM.

Rivalry 4: Iansisle
Audioslavia 1-1 Iansisle, World Cup 12 qualifier
Audioslavia 1-0 Iansisle, World Cup 12 qualifier
Audioslavia 2-0 Iansisle, World Cup 13 qualifier
Audioslavia 0-0 Iansisle, World Cup 13 qualifier
Audioslavia 3-0 Iansisle, World Cup 16 first round

"Who's Isle?", most Audioslavians say, but apparently there is an island which hates Audioslavia. It is called 'Iansisle', and they've never beaten the 'slaves at football. Bless 'em. Apparently, Iansisle got to a world cup semi-final once, which is apparently quite impressive, and any Iansislean who you might meet in the street one day would go on about it like it was, i dunno, like getting to the final or something. Of course, you wouldn't be able to understand what they were saying, as the average Iansislean is less civilised than a Lemmitanian Lemming. Or a Lemmitanian man. Still, they have their good points. Audioslavia and Iansisle share the same religion, and both country's names begin with vowels. Howzaboutthat?

So there are Audioslavia's main four rivals. Should we add Druida to that list? YOU decide. To vote, just send a stamped addressed envelope to: AUDIOSLAVIAN RIVALRY COMP, PO BOX 20042435478, Cornellby OR, phone 0439392483 OR, if you have itchy fingers, then txt 'YES/NO RABBIT FUNGUS to 5354 OR send a carrier pidgeon to the third house on the left near the river.

Druida: Are they worthy of rivalry? You decide...

Squornshelous 4-0 Audioslavia World Cup 5 Qualifier
Squornshelous 4-5 Audioslavia World Cup 11(?) Round of 16
Squornshelous 4-1 Audioslavia World Cup 17 Qualifier
Squornshelous 0-0 Audioslavia World Cup 17 Qualifier

Squornshelous 12-6 Audioslavia Overall

I guess this series is a little too one sided to be considered a true rivalry? ;)

Again?

Kingsford beats Pschychoes for the second time this cup
This time with the score 2-1, Squornshelous walked out of the stadium after being defeated by Kingsford. This marked their first home loss of World Cup 20, and it felt really bad. "We had just gotten some momentum going, we were on a win streak and this had to happen," said Alexander Popov, who scored the Pschychoes only goal of the match.

Squornshelous' Scorers:
Gerrard: 10
Popov: 9
Arnesson: 6
Washington: 3

Group 9 Standings After Matchday 10:

Group 9 P W D L GF GA Pts GD
The Weegies 11 7 2 2 17 12 23 +5
Liverpool England 11 7 1 3 25 7 22 +18
Squornshelous 11 6 2 3 28 14 20 +14
----------------------------------------------------
The Eagles Nest 11 5 4 2 16 9 19 +7
Kingsford 11 5 2 4 13 13 17 0
Hiiraan 11 4 1 6 15 21 13 -6
Antaeus Rising 11 3 0 8 6 23 9 -17 E
Ratvipa 11 1 2 8 4 25 5 -21 E


Squornshelous' Qualifying Schedule:
Wins Draws Losses
MD01: Squornshelous 4-1 Hiiraan
MD02: Ratvipa 1-0 Squornshelous
MD03: Squornshelous 6-0 Antaeus Rising
MD04: Kingsford 3-2 Squornshelous
MD05: The Eagles Nest 2-2 Squornshelous
MD06: Liverpool England 2-2 Squornshelous
MD07: Squornshelous 3-1 The Weegies
MD08: Hiiraan 1-3 Squornshelous
MD09: Squornshelous 4-1 Ratvipa
MD10: Antaeus Rising 1-0 Squornshelous
MD11: Squornshelous 1-2 Kingsford
MD12: Squornshelous v The Eagles Nest
MD13: Squornshelous v Liverpool England
MD14: The Weegies v Squornshelous

Squornshelous' Record:
Home: 4-0-1
Away: 2-2-2
Overall: 6-2-3

Up Next: The Eagles Nest
Although the group favorite's play has been sub-par so far. We can't expect them to roll over and die. Look for the Strike Birds (or whatever the hell they're called) to play very determined, and leave Squornshelous with a couple of must win games.
Prediction: Squornshelous 1-3 The Eagles Nest

http://www.nationstates.net/images/flags/uploads/kylaai.jpgThe Reformed Islands of Kylaai

Kylaai really close, but will not make it once again

Norada Fell was so good in the game agains sliponia he scored 3 goals. Too bad we give up a goal it could have been many games with no goals given up with a good record. Lital Tirar scored a goal too which is funny because he's a defender and he usually doesnt score. The final score of the game was Kylaai with four goals and Sliponia with just one goal.


Mandoo Nania gave up anotehr goal against GTR which cost kylaai the game because only Vlanti Vimorta was able to get one goal. This left the match tied at the end with Kylaai scoring one goal, and GTR scoring one goal. We wish we could have played longer and scored a few more goals but it did not happen.

My fingers are tired. Kylaai won again against Royal Engrand with Mazu Kazu, Vlanti Vimorta and Rising Sun all scoring goals. We wish we could play royal engrand many times instead of the teams we have to play now. Royal engrand are a very easy team to beat and this is why kylaai have scored three goals in the game when royal engrand has scored just one.

Kylaai are now in 3rd place with 3 games to go. It is going to be very tricky for Kylaai to advance because of games to come against Svecia, Adam Island and Kaze Progressa. If Kylaai win all 3 games they will be in the world cup finals for the first time. If Kylaai lose all 3 games it will be yet another cup of harmony. Will Kylaai ever make the World Cup Finals? this will be interesting but all signs point to no. Kylaai will never make the world cup finals. Kylaai will forever be the team with the Cup of Harmony victory.


Group 7 P W D L GF GA Pts GD
Svecia 11 9 0 2 29 8 27 +21
Adam Island 11 7 0 4 24 14 21 +10
Kylaai 11 6 3 2 17 9 21 +8
----------------------------------------------------
Kaze Progressa 11 6 3 2 16 10 21 +6
Sliponia 11 3 2 6 20 20 11 0
Talzeckia 11 3 2 6 6 24 11 -18
Royal Engrand 11 2 1 8 13 23 7 -10
GT-R 11 2 1 8 10 26 7 -16


Goalkeeper: Mandoo Nania
Defenders: Lital Tirar, Hito Burrito, Vito Frito, Max
Midfielders: Rising Sun, Macala Moria, Tennence Fleiam, Norada-Fell
Attackers: Mazu Kazu, Vlanti Vimorta

The Lowland Clans [1] - [2] Lethislavania

Somber overtones rattled through the crowd. This, of course, was their main competition for the coveted third place. This game, of all the rest, was needed to win. Thomas Boeing lead his team onto the field, and pride swelled up into the crowd, fueling nationalist pride and fervent happiness.

The game began quickly, as the Clansmen overpowered the slower Lethislavanian team. The speedy center forward for TLC shot forward, dribbling around Timothy Johnson. Johnson feinted to the right, but left a large enough opening for a threat. Karnesky ran up, struggling to fill the gap where the overtaken Johnson had been. The center, how ever, noticed the double up and dished it over, where the Left Forward quickly nailed the ball upwards. Lofting towards the netting, it's white surface glinted ominously, sending daggers of pain into the hearts of all Lethislavanians.

Thomas Boeing turned around to restart, but as he did, he noticed Cel nod twice. Yelling to Johnson, all of the midfielders pulled up to lower-forwards and shot off, as Cel dribbled up the field. Thomas Boeing stole the ball, and expertfully slid around the TLC mid, and eyed. Like a hawk, he noticed a small opening and struck viciously, drilling the ball to Johnson. Johnson pulled back, and let out like an spring. The ball spun and faltered, but in the end landed softly behind the TLC goalie. Euphoria ran rapant through the stands.

Aroyyo smiled calmly, and told his team that there would be no halftime talk tonight.

After the break, the teams retook the field, the distraught TLC team visibly shaken. Capitalizing on the difference in morale, the forwards on the LSF side began to toy, playing vicious dribbling games that utterly confused the opponents. After wearing them down, Karra went for the final strike with 15 minutes left. Pulling back at three-quarters field, he gently lofted the ball over to Kerry, who knocked it in. GOAL! Red lights flashed off, people screamed. One ball shot had brought a nation to tears.

One simple goal.

[OOC: God Speed, Snubby. Come back and visit soon.]

THE HERALD SPORTS DIGEST

One For Margaret

MARGARET may be dead, but she was not forgotten in Lamoni. Krytenia paid their respects in a unique (and aptly surreal) way, and who knows? Maybe she was shining down on the Celestials as they emerged victorious by the only goal.

Due to the escalating situation involving the nations geographically between Lamoni and Krytenia, the Lamoni team had to take a detour through Vilita to get to Everton City. The tales they told of the Vilitan people's ecstatic reactions to Margaret's demise prompted "The Margaret Game".

The Krytenian side entered the pitch wearing an all velvet blue kit, each shirt with the name "MARGARET" embroidered on the back. The shirt numbers, as tribute to the Snubnosian's life's work, were picked at random. This was followed by a one minute rubber chicken sacrifice, impeccably observed by both sides.

The game, however, was unspectacular, save for one moment. Dave Van Staveren picked up the ball thirty yards out, and with no support and a bunch of Lamonian defenders in front of him, he decided "sod it" and thumped the ball one. The shot was going some way wide, when suddenly, something caused it to swerve. A lot. The keeper was completely befuzzled as the ball sped past him and into the net.

A book of condolences has been opened, and tributes can be sent to:

The Snubnosian Embassy To Krytenia
Trente-Huit Lane
Everton City
EC3 8SN

Meanwhile, Shonar Bangla are next.

MARGARET X. SN38-2005.

KRYTENIA......................1
Van Staveren 38
LAMONI.........................0


H v LWF : W 2-1 (Downhead Park, Kallia)
A v OCE : D 1-1
H v PTE : D 0-0 (Sixways Stadium, Avidia)
A v LAM : W 3-0
A v SHB : D 1-1
H v REJ : W 3-2 (Davis Memorial Stadium, Everton City)
A v EAZ : L 1-2
A v LWF : W 4-2
H v OCE : W 2-0 (Mellion Lane, Davisham)
A v PTE : D 2-2
H v LAM : W 1-0 (Oxley Park, Everton City)
H v SHB : ????? (New Coalfields, New Osteria)
A v REJ : ?????
H v EAZ : ????? (Davis Memorial Stadium, Everton City)

Vikings prepare for revenge against Sarzonia at home, ready up for the tough run

Sarazonia is 3-0 agianst Fmjphoenix. Overall, they have scored 12 goals to letting only 4 past, with the best record against this young team. The main thing on the Vikings mind is win at all costs. This is now their third cup and are again on the verge of being eliminated. Right now, the Vikings are hoping for either TnUI or Bedistan to lose, not draw, and also defeat Sarzonia. That is the first step they have to get over in order to have a chance to qualify. Should these two events happen tommorow, the Vikings will still be alive and possible to qualify.

For tommorows match against Sarzonia, Coach Wash has decided to run a 3-3-4 and keep an extra player back to defend to try and force Sarzonia into harder shots and give Powell Lamar a little more help so its not all up to him to stop them. But more so than just the Vikings defenders, it is up to the front trio of Mike Nolan, Jorge Mendel, and Larry Brown to put pressure on the Sarzonian defenders and score a few goals. Also, look for the Vikings midfielders and defenders to try and isolate and pressure Sarzonia captian Brian Wilson. If they can frustrate their captian eary, they may be able to disrupt the whole team's chemistry and use that for their advantage. This is going to be a match to watch as both teams will be coming out with everything they have to win, so make sure you stay tuned and watch.

Also, the whole FA of Fmjphoenix would like to offer Snub Nose 38 with fondest farewells. They were in the same group as the Vikings when they were a debut team, and the Vikings learned a lot from playing in those two matches with them. Everyone in Fmjphoenix wishes the Hooligans well and hopes to see them pop up every now and then.

Terminators terminate Hiiraan (well, not yet, but it'll be difficult for them to qualify)
4-0 final result

The Terminators, playing in Kaze Progressa for the second time this campaign, were looking for revenge against Hiiraan for their earlier 1-0 loss which almost caused coach Syku Lyku's job. Well, for the second time Crivoska hosted this tie, and the Terminators got the revenge - by four goals, to be exact.

The goal barrage started in the 67th minute when a deft flick from Frank Kushner found its way past the hapless goalkeeper. Less than a minute later he had to pick the ball from his net again when Kusher struck a second goal, this one a blast from 22 yards.

Seven minutes later, Kushner got his first ever international hat-trick when his shot deflected in off fellow striker, substitute Jeffery Cano, but Cano sportingly let Kushner claim the goal.

And three minutes later Cano set up Kushner for a rare fourth goal in 12 minutes (OOC reference - only one player AFAIK has done four goals in 12 minutes, and that was playing forhis club. Any guesses?), making him the first Liverpool England player to score four goals in a half. Kushner was voted man of the matcch and has been given a L£400k bonus by the FALE for his feat.

LE: Alan Belmore? Jenji Y?

'Margaret, we hope you return again'

The general strike found its end when Sakata Mikui from Jinhes eventually made it to the rejistanian capital Sike and the anti-privatization law could be passed. It was the first law in Rejistanian history gaining 100% of the votes. The general strike ended and the country got back to work again. Now newspapers a our KaMaRi Update were published again and had an enormous amount of news to publish, among this being the death of Margaret, of the Margaret, rather. Before the match of the Orange-Blues, an inikresaistic ceremony for 'the person only known as Margaret' was held in the temple of Sihaketekansa (for our foreign readers: the god being responsible for collecting the souls of the dead ones and putting them into their new form). They prayed for a good reincarnation of Margaret.

Maybe it was Margaret from the other world, maybe it was Taderekansa or maybe the Orange-Blues were simply the better team in the match against Limp Wristed Fish. What ever reason there was: the second team of the Orange-Blues was clearly better than the Fishs and defeated them 4:0. Syku Lyku scored his first international hat trick (even though it was no hetrika in the rejistani sense of the word since the goals did not happen in the same half).

The result:
Rejistania 4 ( Ky-Inidiviayu 5th, Lyku 12th 28th 47th)
Limp Wristed Fish 0

OOC: Haha, no, I meant IRL. MD12 preview to be here soon.

IC Edit:
MD12 - Terminators face Weegies away
Terminators looking to consolidate qualifying spot

The Terminators will next travel to group-toppers The Weegies, against whom they lost 1-2 on MD5. The Weegies, who were unexpected to be holding that spot, have 23 points - one more than the Terminators.

Squornshelous face The Eagles Nest in a tough test; a Squornshelous win could mean elimination for Hiiraan (assuming Hiiraan fail to beat Kingsford, they'd have either 13 or 14 points - which, added to nine possible points earned from the last three matchdays, comes up to 22 or 23 - a Squornshelous win would put them on 23), who'll be fighting for their qualifying rights against Kingsford, who're 4 points above them on 17.

Stat attack:
Teams that WILL qualify with a win or draw on MD12:
No teams

Teams with a mathematical chance of qualifying (IE, 9 points more than fourthed place team) with a win or draw on MD12:
Turori

Teams that WILL be eliminated with a win, draw or loss on MD12, providing the third place team loses:
-Oceaice will be eliminated on MD12 with a loss. A draw would put them exactly nine points behind Krytenia if Krytenia lose, just about eliminating them. Only a win will keep Oceaice in competition.

-Korinthos will be eliminated on MD12 with a loss or a draw. A win would put them 9 points behind Oddslavo if Oddslavo lose, just about eliminating them. Korinthos are all but out.

-Kipto-Mare will be eliminated on MD12 with a loss. A draw would put them 9 points behind Oddslavo if Oddslavo lose, just about eliminating them. Only a win on MD12 will see Kipto-Mare live to fight another matchday.

Teams that WILL be eliminated on MD12 if results don't go their way:
-Oeaice will be eliminated regardless of their result if Krytenia win

-Korinthos will be eliminated regardless of their result if Oddslavo draw or win

-Kipto-Mare will be eliminated regardless of their result if Oddslavo win

Teams that MAY be eliminated on MD12, excluding nations listed above:
-Big Pimento will be eliminated if they lose and Oddslavo win

-Raptor Claw will be eliminated if they lose and The Belmore Family AND Melmond win. If either fail to win, and Raptor Claw lose, they will still have a lifeline.

-Sybex and Five Civilised Nations will be eliminated if they lose and Lovisa win.

-Hiiraan will be eliminated if they lose and Squornshelous win.

-Fmjphoenix will be eliminated if they lose and both Total n Utter Insanity AND Bedistan win. If either fail to win, Fmjphoenix will stand a chance.

-Slaikau will not be mathematically eliminated on MD12, but if they lose and The Belmore Family AND Melmond win, they are all but out. If either The Belmore Family or Melmond fail to win, they still have a chance.

-Praying2God will not be mathematically eliminated on MD12, but if they lose and Jeruselem win, they are all but out.

-Snub Nose 38 will not be mathematically eliminated on MD12, but if they lose and One Red Dot win, they are all but out.

Hiiraan Loses Hard to Living Livers.
Next: Kingsford Cracks under-Pressure...Would they be able to?

Hiiraan's Boys have lost a Humiliating match against the wizadry Livers who have shown skill and class for their own good, we have begun seeing many proplems but the team has not seen proplems to the extend of kingsford..From hotel tickets to transportation, the kings have had it all, however they have proven to be a great competitor and a winner in this comepation, is that a reason they should be considered the winner in the next match...hardly!

They kings dont have what it takes to beat us tomorrow, they have no stamina, defense and their offense is not what its all cranked up to be, hypotgeticially, we are all the same in this game, the truth is the kings may win but have a greater chance to lose, which we hope they do, this is not a way to bargain for a win but a way to show you are a winner.

Jeruselem Government News

Legalese issue challenge as Jeruselem fail to respond

First the formalities. Iansisle and Crystilakere won their games 1-0 and 2-0. This was expected but with three games left they are relatively safe.

Jeruselem lost to South Osettia 2-1 to make it two losses in a row while Legalese defied God to win against Praying2God. In a match day where the teams associated with religion had the off-day, it was South Osettia who threw the spanner in the works beating 3rd placed Jeruselem. The loss means Jeruselem and Legalese are on 18 points with P2G and Eytrck in need of wins like the South Osettia variety.

There's three games left and Jeruselem need to get at least two wins to keep clear of the chasing pack. He hope there's no repeat of World Cup 18. With 4 teams fighting for 3rd spot, it's game on. Praying2God have the handicap of a bad goal difference of -9.

Group 3
Iansisle [1] Eystrck [0]
Jeruselem [1] South Osettia [2]
Legalese [4] Praying2God [1]
Crystilakere [2] Nevigrad [0]


Group 3 P W D L GF GA Pts GD
Crystilakere 11 7 4 0 23 6 25 +17
Iansisle 11 7 1 3 22 12 22 +10
Jeruselem 11 5 3 3 19 16 18 +3
----------------------------------------------------
Legalese 11 5 3 3 23 13 18 +10
Eystrck 11 3 6 2 15 13 15 +2
Praying2God 11 4 2 5 11 20 14 -9
South Osettia 11 2 2 7 13 27 8 -14
Nevigrad 11 0 1 10 3 22 1 -19


<Legalese should be 3rd, but that's they way the hosts put the table>

OOC EDIT
Match day 12
Legalese 3 - Jeruselem 1

3 losses in row! :confused:

Unnamed helper: "Sir, do you not think it might be a good idea for us to actually prepare for the World Cup finals? I mean, teams are actually starting to qualify for it now."

President Smith: "Why? We're already more than prepared!"

Unnamed helper: "Sir, we've had Matchday 12 (http://forums2.jolt.co.uk/showthread.php?p=8029005#post8029005), there are only two more to go. We don't even know which stadia we're going to use."

President Smith: "No, you don't. I do, and so the the DFA. So stop worrying, it'll all become clear in due course..."

La'Kanvali!
Cockbill Street Make World Cup Finals

Okay, so it wasn't particularly exciting - a 0-0 draw with Kipto-Mare, a match which was a Karela Special with one shot on goal from either team. But that wasn't the important bit about today's matches. That was that no mathematical theory can now eliminate the Streeters, despite the Starblaydi Table Department's valiant attempts at telling us otherwise - as the team now has 28 points, that's 9 more than Commerce Heights in fourth place. Now, you might think, if Cockbill Street lose all three games and Commerce Heights win their last three, they'd both get 28 points? You'd be correct. But as Commerce Heights and Oddslavo face off on the last matchday, and Commerce Heights need to win to catch up with the Street - which would mean that the Oddslavans, who have 20 points, could only 26. You see the logic? Well - we've managed to grasp it, I reckon, and so the Street were sent into jubilation. It's been twenty years since we last qualified with three matchdays to spare, and that resulted in the best finals run ever - a second-round match with Liverpool England, which we proceeded to lose 0-2.

Still, this Streetian team have produced some of the best results ever, besides all odds. With a team of few accomplished names, four foreign professionals (of which one is Stuart Underwood), and with a coach hated by every sports-journalist in the country, that should have been impossible. But the Streetians have usually put in a hard job in defense, worked for every point, and fully deserved an early qualification.

The Streetians have gone very much overboard with their celebrations, though. There have been dancing in the Street with flags for the past three days, both Rejistanian and Cockbill flags, and there have hardly been anyone at work. Economic output has dropped drastically, though hopefully that will regain itself when everybody come back to work refreshed. Beer consumption, however, has increased equally drastically, and there have been a number of cases of severe liver damage in Streetian hospitals. With another round of Streetian league football coming up on Sunday, though, the fans are expected to clear out of the Street and into the stadiums again - where they'll most likely chant "Street! Street! Street!" instead of the club where their allegiances supposedly lie.

THE HERALD SPORTS DIGEST

Shonear Yet Shofar

THEY came, they saw, they drew. Shonar Bangla denied the Celestials three points for the second time in these qualifiers as they drew one-all with the home side in New Osteria.

The game started off well for the visitors, Chakraborty and Siddiqui both fizzing shots wide of Vernazza's goals. Moreaux came closest for the home team in what was a frustrating first half, both sides going into the dressing room tied at nil-nil. The fans of both sides were hoping for better in the second half.

"Better" was what they most certainly got. Finishing off where they started in the first half, Shonar Bangla pressured again, and got a deserved goal. It came from veteran defender Shuvankar Mallik, who headed home powerfully from a Siddiqui corner. The lead was to last only to the hour mark however, as the Shonar defence was foiled by some on-the-ball trickery from Acienko Rimmer. One on one with the 'keeper, Rimmer shot low. The strike was parried by Banerjee, however fell straight into the path of substitute Chris Kochanski, who slid the ball home. That was the end of the goals, but not the action. Late in the game, Stephen Clay floored Boidurjo Bose with a poor tackle. Bose retaliated by pushing Clay, and a twelve man melee ensued. Clay and Bose both received red cards, and both teams will be up before the NSWC and may well be fined on their teams' conduct.

The draw meas qualification is still very much in the balance. Matchday Thirteeen possibilities:

KRY & SHB score same no. of points (both W/D/L) : Qualification assured with draw against Eauz on MD14.
KRY win, SHB don't : Krytenia qualify.
KRY draw, SHB lose : Krytenia qualify.
KRY draw, SHB win : Krytenia qualify with a win on MD14. SB qualify if they beat Rejistania on MD14 and Krytenia lose or draw.
KRY lose, SHB draw : As above, UNLESS Krytenia lose by one goal, in which case a draw is enough for Krytenia.
KRY lose, SHB win : Krytenia must better SB's MD14 result to qualify.

MARGARET X. SN38-2005.

KRYTENIA......................1
Kochanski 62
SHONAR BANGLA.............1
Mallik 53

H v LWF : W 2-1 (Downhead Park, Kallia)
A v OCE : D 1-1
H v PTE : D 0-0 (Sixways Stadium, Avidia)
A v LAM : W 3-0
A v SHB : D 1-1
H v REJ : W 3-2 (Davis Memorial Stadium, Everton City)
A v EAZ : L 1-2
A v LWF : W 4-2
H v OCE : W 2-0 (Mellion Lane, Davisham)
A v PTE : D 2-2
H v LAM : W 1-0 (Oxley Park, Everton City)
H v SHB : D 1-1 (New Coalfields, New Osteria)
A v REJ : ?????
H v EAZ : ????? (Davis Memorial Stadium, Everton City)

Stars pirated by Vikings, 3-2

All good things come to an end.

Such was the case for the Sarzonian national team's three match streak of wins against Fmjphoenix's footballers as the young hosts played a game befitting their urgency, defeating the Stars 3-2 to stay alive in the chase for one of three World Cup berths from Group 10.

"We played a spirited football game," Coach Dave Wilson said. "But the Vikings played with an urgency we couldn't match. They played their guts out and they deserved to win."

Goalkeeper Troy Perkins (four saves) was yanked in the 77th minute after yielding the third goal to the Vikings and Mark Tanner went in to substitute for him. Wilson said Perkins would return to the starting 11 for the next match at Bedistan.

"You could say I was sending Troy a message," Wilson said. "But I was trying to send the entire team a message, not just Troy. We looked like we lost a little enthusiasm out there and I wanted everyone to know I wasn't going to put up with a lack of effort at any time." Perkins left without speaking to reporters.

Wilson also sent forward Brian Wilson, the team's captain and his elder son, to the bench shortly after the second half kickoff in favor of midfielder Henrik Bastale. Midfielder Bobby Convey wore the captain's armband after Brian Wilson left the pitch. Father and son had a heated argument on the sidelines and had to be separated by assistant coaches Barry Owens and David Bostwick.

"Bri's a competitor, a fierce competitor," Dave Wilson said. "He wanted to stay out there and get us back in the match, but he was already cautioned for dissent (in the 34th minute, arguing a penalty call that saw forward Mike Nolan convert from the spot) and I didn't want him suspended for Bedistan."

"I probably should have kept my cool, but it's hard to sometimes," Brian Wilson said. "Dad and I talked about it after the match and he said he was looking at the big picture. I understand his reasoning," he added. When asked if he agreed with his father, he just grimaced and said, "next question."

Capitalist Terrorists blamed for explosion

There are many countries who see Eauz as a threat, for they are a socialist country which has proven it can make a socialist economy work. On Monday night, Les Bleus were to face off against Rejistania in what would be a very hyped game, but something more important occurred. A bomb went off just outside of Le Stade d’Eauz, as the match was being played. A large explosion shook the ground, and spread fear through people in the stadium. A Group calling itself “Mo-Money” is taking responsibility for this attack. “Mo-Money” is a group from Melmond who would love to see Eauz and its workers enslaved under a capitalist elite. A few members were arrested as they tried to escape the city. The police report said these criminals would be held in prison on the charges of Endangering civilian populations. One of the criminals said:

All we want is to be able to bring “freedom” and “Democracy” to Eauz. People have a RIGHT to have a chance to make money. Why should you prevent them from doing this?

This is obviously a bunch of Capitalist propaganda, as all they really want to do is enslave people into working for things they don’t need or could make themselves.

As for the match, Les Bleus shocked their fans and Rejistania by scoring 2 goals and winning the match 2 – 1. Both teams played extremely well, despite the threat of a bomb. With the victory, Eauz stays on top of group 1 with 30 points and have guaranteed themselves a place in the world cup in Starblaydia & Druida. Despite losing, Rejistania also qualified for the cup. In group 1, there rests only 1 place, which will be fought between Krytenia & Shonar Bangla. Both teams are playing the top 2 teams in this group, as Krytenia will met up with Rejistania and Shonar Bangla against Eauz. A Shonar Bangla victory and a Krytenia loss would mean the last match day would be a fight for third place.

In other sports new, Krytenia and Eauz have officially put forth a bid to host World Cup 21.


Group 1 P W D L GF GA Pts GD
Eauz 12 9 3 0 26 8 30 +18
Rejistania 12 9 0 3 23 9 27 +14
Krytenia 12 6 5 1 21 13 23 +8
----------------------------------------------------
Shonar Bangla 12 5 5 2 17 11 20 +6
Oceaice 12 4 3 5 14 20 15 -6
Lamoni 12 3 1 8 11 23 10 -12
Pterodactyl 12 0 4 8 8 18 4 -10
Limp Wristed Fish 12 1 1 10 7 25 4 -18

Match Day 1: Pterodactyl @ Eauz W 0 - 2
Match Day 2: Eauz @ Lamoni W 4 - 1
Match Day 3: Limp Wristed Fish @ Eauz W 0 - 3
Match Day 4: Eauz @ Oceaice T 2 - 2
Match Day 5: Eauz @ Rejistania W 1 - 0
Match Day 6: Eauz @ Shonar Bangla T 2 - 2
Match Day 7: Krytenia @ Eauz W 1 - 2

Match Day 8: Eauz @ Pterodactyl T 1 - 1
Match Day 9: Lamoni @ Eauz W 1 - 2
Match Day 10: Eauz @ Limp Wristed Fish W 1 - 0
Match Day 11: Oceaice @ Eauz W 0 - 5
Match Day 12: Rejistania @ Eauz W 1 - 2
Match Day 13: Shonar Bangla @ Eauz
Match Day 14: Eauz @ Krytenia

Red Dot Woe
'Slaves Lose See-Saw Game

Audioslavia's 9 year, 35-game unbeaten streak in qualifying competitions was halted today as One Red Dot won a fascinating game 3-2.

Audioslavia had won just one game from the last four and were noticeably lacking in confidence as the home side controlled the game from the start. It would be just eighteen minutes before they opened the scoring as Henrique Jareno crossed the ball in for Jerry Bander to flick on for Ian Xessol to finish for 1-0. Such a monickered player scoring against Audioslavia shows that Margaret has lost none of her irony in her old age.

Despite being outplayed for most of the half, the 'slaves would still manage to equalise before the break with a trademark counter-attack. Once again it was Ally Marriot who would bail out the 'slaves, taking the ball past two ORD defenders before laying it off for Oliver Dannes to finish.

The goal gave Audioslavia a much-needed confidence boost for the second half and after the fifty-minute mark they had made it 2-1, Aron Ceulemans capitalising on a rare spell of pressure with a well-taken goal after a swift passing movement.

The lead would last just ten minutes as ORD rallied and again started to outplay the 'slaves. Since matchday one Audioslavia's defence has been criticisd and it was shown up appallingly here as the back four - at that time comprising of Avari, Johnstone, Rijsbergen and Carel thanks to the Total Football system - tried to play ORD strikers Bander and Sehina offside. The tactic worked awfully as Ceulemans and Oskari backtracked to cover the two wings, leaving the two strikers on their own on the edge of the penalty area, onside, and with not a 'slavian in sight. Needless to say the ORD Wolves equalised there and then, though they needed two goes at it as Bander's first shot was parried by Andersson, only for the ball to drop to Sehina to finish into the empty net.

With the crowd behind them the Wolves had their tails up and battered the Audioslavian goal. Bander came close to netting with a near-post volley, Chen hit the bar with a diviing header, before Hendrique Jareno scored the winner in the eighty-first minute, nutmegging Ashen Avari and hitting a low shot to Andersson's right which buried itself in the bottom corner.

The 'slaves were beaten and ORD controlled the game til the end, handing Audioslavia their first defeat since the World Cup 19 final.

FINAL SCORE
One Red Dot 3 (Xessol 18, Sehina 63, Jareno 81)
Audioslavia 2 (Dannes 37, Ceulemans 50)

"Oh for...what God do we worship?"

"He's called Bob."

"Okay. Oh for Bob's sake! We won again!"

"Again?"

"Yes."

"But that's two days in a row! That's impossible!"

"Well it's happened. What if we win our final two games? That means we'll have won four in a row. We can't do...you know what...to him then, can we?"

"We must stick to the plan whatever happens. We must hold Devoll up as an example, reagrdless of how well or badly we do. He will suffer the consequences..."

***

I was filled with greater gusto than before. After beating Jerusalem, we had a good chance of finishing sixth. All we had to do was beat Eystrck at home - certainly a doable task.

"Today is the day that things turn around for us." Polly had obviously been lifted too. We had congregated in the holoroom to await the score, and there was finally an air of optimism in our midst - the thought of 'Hey, we could actually do this' was uppermost in people's minds, not excluding mine.

"I hear you Polly. A win today, tomorrow against P2G and then against Nevigrad will surely put us in sixth, or at least seventh on goal difference alone."

"Do you think we'll do it?"

"I have a sneaking suspicion that we just might make it."

Jingle bells, jingle bells, jingle all the way!

"Well, we're about to find out." The words slowly came into view, and they were words I had been praying to see all day.

Latest World Cup Score

South Osettia 3
Eystrck 2

We'd done it. We'd beaten them on our own turf and put ourselves in a great position for sixth. With just the teams below us in the rankings to go things were looking good.

"Out, but not down. That's what'll be in the papers tomorrow." I had no doubt that she was right.

"What about P2G?" someone near the front shouted, echoing what I had in my mind.

"They beat Nevigrad 2-0." someone replied, to which the whole room groaned.

"But we're only four points behind Eystrck now - we've gained on someone!" That got some cheers from the crowd.

I went to bed that night thinking of our winning streak (of two games, I tried not to recall). Was it payback for our earlier bad luck? Was God being nice to us for a change? I remembered the rainbow covenant, and rested, assured that I was right.

Five Civilized Nations Defeats Finrods

After match five's devastating 3 to 1 loss against Finrods, one would have assumed that the Five Civilized Nations Stellar National Team would lose again in today's match versus Finrods. But in a remarkable turn-around, the Stellar National Team defeated Finrods 1 to 0, powered forward by creative and powerful play by midfielders, Ma Qiang and Ma Xiong, as well as another last minute goal by star forward Yu Yan.

Although it is evident that the Five Civilized Nations National Team will fail to qualify for the World Cup, it is clear that we can hold its own against the best teams around the world.

President Smith is seen reading a newspaper. It is the NEWI Of The World. It's a report on schitzophenia, saying that 100% of sufferers don't mind it, while 100% don't like it in the slightest. Then he sees something vaguely familiar...

President Smith: "So did your ad find us a rival?"

Unnamed helper: "Not really..."

President Smith: "You mean, no?"

Unnamed helper: "Let's just say no-one's rang back."

President Smith: "Well, you did only give out an address."

Unnamed helper: "No-one's made any contact with us at all. Whatsoever."

President Smith: "Ah."

Unnamed helper: "Well, they were having a kind of vote in Audioslavia, but they've got so many rivals already, why'd they need another one?"

President Smith: "For once, I was right! I knew it wouldn't work."

Unnamed helper: "So, have you got any ideas up your sleeve?"

President Smith: "Actually, I do."

Unnamed helper: "Go on."

President Smith: "Well, rivalry comes from the people, doesn't it?"

Unnamed helper: "Yeah..."

President Smith: "So why don't we hold a vote to see who the people like the least, then they can be our rivals!"

Unnamed helper: "Sir, that's not a bad idea."

President Smith: "I knew I'd come in useful eventually!"

Unnamed helper: "Unfortunately, sir, I might well have come up with a better one."

President Smith: "And what might that be?"

Unnamed helper: "Well..."

President Smith: "We can't do that?"

Unnamed helper: "Why not? He's one of the most influencial figures any sporting nation's ever had!"

President Smith: "But... it's just wrong!"

Unnamed helper: "But it'd get us what we want - a rival."

President Smith: "Arrested, more like!"

Unnamed helper: "They'll never know who it was!"

President Smith: "So if they'll never know who it was, then whta'd be the point?"

Unnamed helper: "What I mean is they'd never know it was a plot. We'd just get some stooge in to do it for us."

President Smith: "That's a damn good idea."

Unnamed helper: "Isn't it! So good, in fact, that I've already got the Druidan Intelligence Force into operation."

President Smith: "You mean that little dumbass Rejistanian guy?"

Unnamed helper: "How can you call our intelligence sevice a dumbass?"

President Smith: "Because he's been here eight years and he still can't speak a word of English."

Unnamed helper: "Only because you don't pay him enough so that he can go for lessons."

President Smith: "Always my fault..."

Unnamed helper: "Anyway, he's learnt a little bit. I told him to find the football team and get our man."

President Smith: "He understood?"

Unnamed helper: "He's not our intelligence srevice for nothing, sir."

President Smith: "Well, I suppose we'll just have to wait for him to get back."

Unnamed helper: "Sir, he only set off fifteen minutes ago. Give the man a chance..."

*OOC NOTE TO STAR and/or DRUIDA: Group 6 tables have a minor error. Table below is (at least, as far as I can tell) correct)*

Scuttlebutt - Fibrous Edition
This edition makes a great addition to a healthy breakfast

Sten Remington (aka "Mike") Grey

Ho, boy! It's come down to it, folks, no wiggle room left. Take a look at that table down there (go on, you can find it - it's just a little ways down the page). The key for Hooligans fans is this: We play Audioslavia (in first place on 27 points) on matchday 13, and One Red Dot (in second place on 23 points) on matchday 14. And, in order to qualify for the cup, the Hooligans must win BOTH matches, and have either One Red Dot or Wella (in third place on 23 points) lose both their final matches, and if all that happens, the Hooligans would still only advance if on goal differential. The Hooligans will have to move up +2 if it's Wella that loses 2 while SN38 wins 2, or move up +5 if it's ORD that loses 2 while SN38 wins 2. And even then - even in that "off the wall" eventuality - Spaam would have to do no better than lose BOTH their last matches (versus San Verdi and Giant Zucchini), or lose one and draw one, and the Hooligans would have to have a better goal differential then Spaam.

If One Red Dot and Wella each gain as much as 1 point in their next two matches, the Hooligans are toast. Again. No, not toasted. Toast.

Of course, One Red Dot and Wella play each other on matchday 13. So, if that match is a draw...all else is nothin' but window dressing.

On the bright side (one must be very inventive, carefully looking under a large number of slimey rocks and between huge boulders of "dark" sides, but if one is persistent, there actually is a teeny little bright side) the Hooligans won their last two matches. And by a combined result of 9 to 1. And while one of these matches was against East Lithuania, struggling to get their feet in the big pond of international world cup competition, the other was against Wella. Wella! How about that? An actual meaningful win by these Hooligans of ours.

Must be a typo...

We can only cross our collective fingers (separately - if we ALL cross our fingers at the same time, it would result in hurricane force winds, causing untold destruction across the land). So, if we separately but collectively cross our fingers...

What?

It is so possible to do this collectively but separately. If we count off by 10s, and then all the "1s" cross their fingers first, and then we take a short pause, and all the "2s" cross their fingers while the "1s" keep theirs crossed, and then we take a short pause, and then the "3s", and then the "4s"...See?

I have been asked to add to my article a statement that we continue to mourn the loss of someone - not sure who, they only said "Margaret". Dunno, that's just what my editor said.

We wish them Hooligans luck. Those boys are gonna need it.

Group 6
1 - Audioslavia (1)
2 - One Red Dot (21)
3 - Wella (29)
4 - Snub Nose 38 (42)
5 - Spaam (55)
6 - Giant Zucchini (78)
7 - East Lithuania (102)
8 - San Verdi (150)

Group 6 Results to date

Matchday 1
Audioslavia - 3 v Spaam - 1
One Red Dot -3 v Giant Zucchini - 1
Wella - 2 v East Lithuania - 2
Snub Nose 38 - 2 v San Verdi - 0

Matchday 2
Spaam -1 v Snub Nose 38 - 1
Giant Zucchini - 0 v Audioslavia - 3
East Lithuania - 0 v One Red Dot - 2
San Verdi - 2 v Wella - 3

Matchday 3
Audioslavia - 2 v East Lithuania - 0
One Red Dot - 1 v San Verdi - 1
Wella - 1 v Spaam - 1
Snub Nose 38 - 0 v Giant Zucchini - 2

Matchday 4
Spaam - 3 v One Red Dot - 1
Giant Zucchini - 1 v Wella - 4
East Lithuania - 2 v Snub Nose 38 - 1
San Verdi - 0 v Audioslavia - 1

Matchday 5
Audioslavia - 1 v One Red Dot - 0
Wella - 3 v Snub Nose 38 - 1
Spaam - 4 v Giant Zucchini - 0
East Lithuania - 1 v San Verdi - 2

Matchday 6
Wella - 0 v One Red Dot - 2
Snub Nose 38 - 1 v Audioslavia - 2
East Lithuania - 3 v Giant Zucchini - 3
San Verdi - 1 v Spaam - 4

Matchday 7
Audioslavia - 2 v Wella - 0
One Red Dot - 2 v Snub Nose 38 - 3
Spaam - 2v East Lithuania - 0
Giant Zucchini - 5 v San Verdi - 1

Matchday 8
Spaam - 1 v Audioslavia - 1
Giant Zucchini - 0 v One Red Dot - 2
East Lithuania - 0 v Wella - 3
San Verdi - 1 v Snub Nose 38 - 4

Matchday 9
Snub Nose 38 - 1 v Spaam - 2
Audioslavia - 1 v Giant Zucchini - 1
One Red Dot - 2 v East Lithuania - 1
Wella - 1 v San Verdi - 0

Matchday 10
East Lithuania – 2 v Audioslavia - 2
San Verdi - 0 v One Red Dot - 4
Spaam – 0 v Wella - 2
Giant Zucchini – 0 v Snub Nose 38 - 0

Matchday 11
One Red Dot – 2 v Spaam - 2
Wella – 4 v Giant Zucchini - 1
Snub Nose 38 - 5 v East Lithuania - 0
Audioslavia -2 v San Verdi - 0

Matchday 12
One Red Dot – 3 v Audioslavia –2
Snub Nose 38 - 4 v Wella –1
Giant Zucchini - 1 v Spaam - 3
San Verdi - 1 v East Lithuania - 3


Group 6
National Side P W D L GF GA Pts GD
Audioslavia 12 8 3 1 22 9 27 +13
One Red Dot 12 7 2 3 24 13 23 +11
Wella 12 7 2 3 24 16 23 +8
Spaam 12 6 4 2 24 14 22 +10
Snub Nose 38 12 5 2 5 23 16 17 +7 *
Giant Zucchini 12 2 3 7 15 28 9 -13 E
East Lithuania 12 2 3 7 14 27 9 -13 E
San Verdi 12 1 1 10 9 31 4 -22 E
*so close to E we can taste it

Group 6 Schedule of Remaining Matches

Matchday 13
One Red Dot v Wella
Audioslavia v Snub Nose 38
Giant Zucchini v East Lithuania
Spaam v San Verdi

Matchday 14
Wella v Audioslavia
Snub Nose 38 v One Red Dot
East Lithuania v Spaam
San Verdi v Giant Zucchini

note - home sides are listed first

Hooligan home matches will be played on the City of Sten High School football field – the practice field if there’s a conflict between the High School side and the National side.

Tickets to all Hooligans matches are still available, and can be purchased at any Snubitron outlet. Or, you can call the Ministry. Just ask for Beverlys’ Nurse.

Sharks hanging on

Despite a string of poor results, The Oaker Sharks are not yet out of the running for the World Cup 20 Finals. The Sharks made their debut in the world cup finals in World Cup 15, but the team has done pretty poorly lately and it will take nothing short of two victories to get Oaker back into the finals. A win over Tadjikistan on Matchday 12 would have given the sharks great position, but now they must settle for the outside looking in. Any defeat would mean the Sharks are heading back to the cup of Harmony.

Turori is now out of reach and should win the group easily. Spurland is just one point behind Oaker but should have no chance with a -8 Goal Differential. Oaker can still hope to overcome Lethislavania and The Lowland Clans or Tadjikistan and sneak into the top 3.



Group 5 P W D L GF GA Pts GD
Turori 12 8 2 2 25 13 26 +12
Tadjikistan 12 6 4 2 23 10 22 +13
Lethislavania 12 6 3 3 14 10 21 +4
----------------------------------------------------
The Lowland Clans 12 6 2 4 21 11 20 +10
Oaker 12 5 2 5 15 15 17 0
Spurland 12 4 4 4 9 17 16 -8
Wickerslack 12 2 1 9 10 22 7 -12
Irenadia 12 1 2 9 4 23 5 -19

Lethislavania [0] - [0] Spurland

In a game that can only be described as shameful and idiotic, Lethislavania was held off from scoring one goal all game long. Quite sad indeed.

In other news, Oaker National Football declared today that they would over take Lethislavania for third place. "Not true," Declared Aroyyo. "Not to dish the other teams in our upcomign schedule, but the rest of the tourney is pretty much smooth riding."

In case you are wondering, Thomas Boeing is not getting divorced.

Stop sending him boxes of innappropriate goods named after a City-State. He's not looking.

Thank you.

The crowd at The Castle in Legalese City roared. The screens around the arena, erected to show the fans the match between Legalese and Jeruselem, told the tale: a 3-1 victory for the Black and Red!

Meanwhile, in Francis Town, the scene at Legalese National Stadium was similar, only live. The crowd of over 84,000 shrieked, yelled, shouted, and celebrated, as the National Team went jogging around, thanking the fans for their support.

On the sideline, Manager Robbie Heard smiled, a bit of pressure off of him. Not only could he handle the major administrative duties to new director Arthus Schram, but now all his guys needed to do was keep Jeruselem from catching them in the standings. With a 3 point and 11 goal lead, things finally looked up for the Black and Red, even with both Ianisle and Crystilakere in the way.

"Thankfully," Robbie commented to nobody in particular, "Jeruselem has to play them both too."

The Tigers made up for their failure on matchday 5 by winning from the Oaker Sharks by 2-3, a win with the smallest possible difference but still of great importance as the Tigers still have to go up against the two strongest sides of group 5; The Lowland Clans and Turori.

But there is some good news for the Tigers too, a win means qualification. In case of a draw or loss it would all depend on Tadjikistans result in their last match. A draw tommorrow and an Oaker victory on Matchday 14 would get us a qualification ticket.

In the meantime we may expect Lethislavania to qualify over the two weaker and already eliminated teams Wickerslack and Irenadia. Oaker faces Turori and The Lowland Clans and will have a difficult time get into the top three, Spurlands position is good but they will need two wins to get there.

MD1:Tadjikistan - Wickerslack W 3-0
MD2:Irenadia - Tadjikistan W 0-2
MD3:Tadjikistan - Lethislavania D 0-0
MD4:Spurland - Tadjikistan W 0-4
MD5:Tadjikistan - Oaker L 1-2
MD6:Tadjikistan - The Lowland Clans D 1-1
MD7:Turori - Tadjikistan L 2-1
MD8:Wickerslack - Tadjikistan W 0-1
MD9:Tadjikistan - Irenadia W 5-1
MD10:Lethislavania - Tadjikistan D 1-1
MD11:Tadjikistan - Spurland D 1-1
MD12:Oaker - Tadjikistan W 2-3
MD13:The Lowland Clans - Tadjikistan
MD14:Tadjikistan - Turori

Fourth times a charm, Vikings stay alive in qualification race

Cheers could be heard all over Vanguard today, as the Vikings broke a bad run of luck against a tough team and kept slim hopes alive by defeating Sarzonia 3-2. It took four matches against the Stars to get the win, but this was at the most needed time. With the win, the Vikings still remain alive in hopes of qualifying for the finals in Starblaydia and Druida.

The match was fast action going back and forth, much like the first match on matchday 5. Sarzonia stuck first with a goal at 11 minutes by captian Brian Wilson. After his goal, the Vikings always comited two players to play on him to try and force him into some type of confusion. It worked because during the next 20 minutes, Wilson did not get a single good look at the net and ended up either losing the ball or passing it away. The frustration that Wilson recieved was highlighted at the 34th minute when he recieved caution fron the referees for arguing a penelty that Mike Nolan turned into Fmjphoenix's first goal of the match. The first half ended with the Stars looking frustrated and distrupted, not like the cohesive force that had been dominating Group 10.

When the second half started, Fmjphoenix noticed a big difference in their lineup, as their main target was sitting on the bench and the captian's armband was on their star midfielder, Bobby Convey. But it did not look like the fact that he was sitting on the side was going to effect the Stars, as Convey looked like the teams captian when he delivered the Stars the lead at 51 minutes with a strike that Powell Lamar just could not get to. That lead only lasted for 10 minutes, as Carlos Santos recieved a rocket of a pass from Larry Brown that went through Stars defender Mike Coyle's legs and hooked it right past Troy Perkins to tie the match up at 2 all. The match started to get a little faster during the next 15 minutes, as boths sides ran all over the pitch chasing each other to take a shot, but it ended at th 74th minute when Jorge Mendel got a loose ball in the corner passed it up to Nolan, who faked a shot and passed back to a charging Mendel who lightly blooped it over Perkins head to give Fmjphoenix its first and only lead of the match.Stars coach Dave Wilson pulled Perkins in favor of Mark Tanner, but it did not matter, as Fmjphoenix only took one more shot after it took the lead. Sarzonia tried to mount a comeback, but the Vikings had dropped down to a 3-5-2, utilizing all of its defenders and played it defensivly for the remaing 15 minutes. The Stars could not get through to take a good shot and its desperation shot in time stoppage was wide left as cheers started to erupt.

With the victory, Fmjphoenix still stands in fourth place with 20 points, 4 points behind third place Bedistan. It is looking hard for the Vikings, but they always remain optomistic, as you never know what can happen and things might turn out in favor of the Vikings. Later on, we will give a report of things to come along with a prieview of Fmjphoenix's next challenge, Total n Utter Insanity.

Fmjphoeinx: 3
(Nolan 34, Santos, 61, Mendel 74)

Sarzonia: 2
(Wilson 11, Convey 51)

World Cup XX Qualification:
MD01: Fmjphoenix vs. Nouveau Richelieu Win 4-2
MD02: Fmjphoenix @ Haperd Lose 1-2
MD03: Fmjphoenix vs. Qia Lose 0-1
MD04: Fmjphoenix @ Ninurta Win 4-1
MD05: Fmjphoenix @ Sarzonia Lose 2-3
MD06: Fmjphoenix vs. Total n Utter Insanity Lose 0-3
MD07: Fmjphoenix @ Bedistan Win 2-1
------------------------------------------------
MD08: Fmjphoenix @ Noveau Richelieu Win 2-1
MD09: Fmjphoenix vs. Hapred Win 2-1
MD10: Fmjphoenix @ Qia Draw 1-1
MD11: Fmjphoenix vs. Ninurta Draw 1-1
MD12: Fmjphoenix vs. Sarzonia Win 3-2
MD13: Fmjphoenix @ Total n Utter Insanity
MD14: Fmjphoenix vs. Bedistan
Record: 6-2-4

Head Coach Paul Johnson (PJ): If the information I'm getting is correct, we're far from out of the qualifying picture.

Assistant Coach John Ball (JB): Yep. All we need is for Jerusalem and Legalese to struggle against Crystilakere and Iansisle, while we sweep our matches at South Osettia and at home against Eystrck.

PJ: Certainly not easy, but certainly doable. Maybe we should get the president to declare a national day of prayer that we'll qualify for the WC.

JB: I'm way ahead of you on that, I already made contact with his office and they were going to get right on it.




**a little while later from the President's Office**



OFFICIAL PROCLAMATION

Tomorrow is a National Day of Prayer for our national soccer team as they attempt to qualify for WC XX. All citizens are strongly encouraged to pray for two Warriors victories and two losses for Legalese and Jerusalem in the last two matches of qualifying.

Adam Islanders Tie Nudists

Adam Island finished a tough match against Kylaai with a 2-2 draw, thanks to a last-minute shot kick by forward Guy Sealis.

Adam Island straggled into Kylaai tired after a long plan ride where the central heating system had malfunctioned and all the players and staff members were kept awake in the freezing chill. The Reformed Islands of Kylaai are fortunatly warm, and was once home to colonies of nudists.

The match initially looked like a disaster for Adam Island. They had dropped their home leg against Kylaai this year, 1-3 and the red and white opponents broke away early with a 2-0 lead going into halftime.

AI's Jerilyn Pratt scored her team's first goal, a shot from the left side of the field past Kylaai's keeper. This helped to shift the momentum to the AIers side, and they released two more shots before time started to wane in the 80th minute.

With the clock ticking, midfielder Darcy Lokin spotted Sealis down by the box. She flipped the ball between two defenders and into the possession of the methodical forward from Adamsburgh.

http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v20/spartacus_007/Adam%20Island/vkylaai.jpg

Sealis dribbled and faked forward, prompting a defender to dive towards the ball for a slide tackle. The ball bounced off his foot, and into the air where Guy Sealis met it with full force and burned it past the keeper.

Kaze Progressa lost their match, leaving AI still in second-place in Group 7, tied in points with Kylaai and 1 ahead of KP. Adam Island faces #1 team Svecia in their next game. If AI wins and KP loses, Adam Island will clinch qualification. Otherwise it will come down to the final game against Kaze Progressa in The ADAMDOME.

LAST GAME: Adam Island 2, Kylaai 2 (1-1-2, 9-10)
NEXT GAME: Kaze Progressa @ Adam Island (0-1 1-2)

"Ah, damnation!"

"What?"

"We lost."

"Lost to whom? Playing what?"

"The World Cup, you nincompoop -- we lost to TnUI, one-nil."

"At least it wasn't two-one again."

"Yeah, but it means we're not qualified yet."

"What do you mean? I thought Fmjphoenix had to beat Sarzonia to stay alive."

"They did. And they did."

"That made absolutely no sense whatsoever."

"The Vikings won. Three-two."

"You're messin' with me."

"No, I'm not. Just look at the table here..."

Group 10 P W D L GF GA Pts GD
Sarzonia 12 9 1 2 27 14 28 +13
Total n Utter Insanity 12 8 3 1 22 7 27 +15
Bedistan 12 7 3 2 19 9 24 +10
----------------------------------------------------
Fmjphoenix 12 6 2 4 22 19 20 +3
Haperd 12 4 2 6 19 20 14 -1
Qia 12 3 3 6 12 19 12 -7
Ninurta 12 1 3 8 8 25 6 -17
Nouveau Richelieu 12 1 1 10 7 23 4 -16

"So we need, what, three points to get through? Who are we playing?"

"Sarzonia and Fmjphoenix."

"Ah slani. Who are the Vikings playing?"

"TnUI. And us, obviously, since I just said so."

"So basically we're hoping for a TnUI win tomorrow?"

"As bad as I hate to admit that, yes."

"And if TnUI lose?"

"If we beat Sarzonia, we're through anyway. If not, then Fmjphoenix must not beat us on MD14."

"Damn. I thought we had the thing wrapped up, but it's gonna come down to the wire."

"Yep. Because I just can't see us beating Sarzonia. Nouveau Richelieu, maybe. Sarzonia, nope."

"I'll start praying to the ghost of Margaret right away."

Draw Leaves Pschychoes in Third Position

A second draw with the Strike Birds
This time there was no scoring to report. The game was mostly a defensive battle with neither side having any good chances, there were a few crosses on each end of the field that were mostly snapped up by keepers or headed to safety by the defence. On one occasion, a shot by Gerrard passed over the crossbar by about a foot, but that was the closest either team came to scoring.

Final Score:
Squornshelous 0-0 The Eagles Nest


Squornshelous' Scorers:
Gerrard: 10
Popov: 9
Arnesson: 6
Washington: 3

Group 9 Standings After Matchday 10:

Group 9 P W D L GF GA Pts GD
Liverpool England 12 8 1 3 28 9 25 +19
The Weegies 12 7 2 3 19 15 23 +4
Squornshelous 12 6 3 3 28 14 21 +14
----------------------------------------------------
The Eagles Nest 12 5 5 2 16 9 20 +7
Kingsford 12 5 2 5 13 15 17 -2
Hiiraan 12 5 1 6 17 21 16 -4
Antaeus Rising 12 3 0 9 6 24 9 -18 E
Ratvipa 12 2 2 8 5 25 8 -20 E


Squornshelous' Qualifying Schedule:
Wins Draws Losses
MD01: Squornshelous 4-1 Hiiraan
MD02: Ratvipa 1-0 Squornshelous
MD03: Squornshelous 6-0 Antaeus Rising
MD04: Kingsford 3-2 Squornshelous
MD05: The Eagles Nest 2-2 Squornshelous
MD06: Liverpool England 2-2 Squornshelous
MD07: Squornshelous 3-1 The Weegies
MD08: Hiiraan 1-3 Squornshelous
MD09: Squornshelous 4-1 Ratvipa
MD10: Antaeus Rising 1-0 Squornshelous
MD11: Squornshelous 1-2 Kingsford
MD12: Squornshelous 0-0 The Eagles Nest
MD13: Squornshelous v Liverpool England
MD14: The Weegies v Squornshelous

Squornshelous' Record:
Home: 4-1-1
Away: 2-2-2
Overall: 6-2-3

Up Next: Liverpool England
With both teams very closely matched in skill, and with LE playing a little better than Squornshelous, the game should be very close. LE will qualify with a win, and Squornshelous will qualify with a win coupled with a loss/draw by TEN. We just think that Squornshelous' skill players will make cleaner plays and execute better out there.
Prediction: Squornshelous 2-1 Liverpool England

Vikings head to Total n Utter Insanity with everything on the line to prepare for a struggle

With the final spot of Group 10's three qualifyers on the line, Fmjphoenix heads to an all important, must win match against Total n Utter Insanity.

After their stunning upset of Sarzonia and Bedistan's loss against the team they are about to face, the Vikings find themselves still alive withe the big dogs and are still fighting for its first appearence into the World Cup finals. Luckily for Fmjphoenix they are ridding a six match unbeaten streak, which includes four victories and they may have a break in the form of the return of Esteban Zeus. He has been cleared to pracitce and may be ready to play in TnUI tommorow. If not in TnUI, he will be available to play against Bedistan. This news was a great uplift for the coaches and players. Zeus is an influencial player and seeing as he is one of the olders players, lots of the younger ones look up to him for guidence. His help will be very greatful in TnUI if he is cleared to play.

Speaking of TnUI, the Vikings have been going over strategy plans. One plan they are going to use is something that worked against Sarzonia, and that is to put pressure on their team captian or main go to player. Coach Wash also liked using all five defenders in the match because it provided a lot of opportunities as they were able to frustrate the Sarzonian attack with it. Wash plans on using that option if his team gets any lead over TnUI. This match also has a little bit of a revenge factor in it, as th Insaniacs defeated the Vikings 3-0 at home on matchday six and the Vikings are looking for the opportunity to repay the favor. With one of their most influencial players coming back from injury and being full of extra energy form their upset, Fmjphoenix heads into TnUI with dreams of grandure and plans to play their hardest and leave it all out on the pitch.

Group 10
National Side P W D L GF GA Pts GD
Sarzonia 12 9 1 2 27 14 28 +13
Total n Utter Insanity 12 8 3 1 22 7 27 +15
Bedistan 12 7 3 2 19 9 24 +10
----------------------------------------------------
Fmjphoenix 12 6 2 4 22 19 20 +3
Haperd 12 4 2 6 19 20 14 -1
Qia 12 3 3 6 12 19 12 -7
Ninurta 12 1 3 8 8 25 6 -17
Nouveau Richelieu 12 1 1 10 7 23 4 -16

Terminators terminate Weegian reign at top of group
3-2 away win moves them into first, next play third-placed Squornshelous

Liverpool England have won their sixth game consecutively - a feat which they never looked like achieving, if you were looking at the MD6 table. However, 6 games later, there they are - on top of the group from sixth place thanks to six wins on the trot, the latest away at The Weegies.

Five goals were scored, two of them controversial after Frank Kushner appeared to have dived twice to win two penalties, both of which Tim Dennard converted. Dennard came out with a shocking announcement after the match that he as stepping down as team captain in Kushner's favour, a move that has been slammed by the Liverpool England press, saying Kushner brought disrepute to the game and team.

The Terminators travel to face Squornshelous next, hoping to make six wins on the trot seven - a result that would qualify them for the WC20 finals in Starblaydia/Druida.

The Aeropag Tribune—What is this “research” you speak of?

Capitalizts Dangerously Close To Elimination, Await Qualification Showdown With Oddslavo
COMMERCE HEIGHTS, CH—Before today’s draw with Dance 2 Revolution, the Captializts were within 1 point of a qualification spot. With two days left, they are now down by 3 points to Oddslavo, whom they will play on MD14 to decide qualification—if they do not blow their chances with a loss to Cockbill Street tommorrow. The Capitalizts have not been this close to failing to qualify since their failure in World Cup 11, causing critics to wonder if coach Darren Redner may have made a critical miscalculation when choosing Peter Thornton, the immobile CEO of Commerce Heights, as the team’s goalkeeper. When interviewed by Aeropag Tribune reporters, Redner clamed that “[Thornton’s] ability to almost completely block the goal has proven invaluable in several crucial games,” although he was unable to find an example to support his statement. The CHFF has announced that it will fire Redner if he fails to lead the team to qualification, ignoring the widespread opinion that the RP-bonus machine is more responsible for the numerous losses than the team.

United Spaam Sports Weekly’s “Godmodding Press” Stolen—Page 4

Don: And we're back, finally! Don Donaldson here with Jim Jameson. A lot has gone on in the last 2 and a half years while we were stuck in the clouds, hasn't it Jim?

Jim: Indeed, Don. with only two matches left in qualifying, Legalese is still in the running for a spot in the World Cup Final, which would be a first for them!

Don: Let's take a look at the standings board.


Group 3 P W D L GF GA Pts GD
Crystilakere 12 7 5 0 24 7 26 +17
Iansisle 12 7 2 3 23 13 23 +10
Legalese 12 6 3 3 26 14 21 +12
----------------------------------------------------
Jeruselem 12 5 3 4 20 19 18 +1
Praying2God 12 5 2 5 13 20 17 -7
Eystrck 12 4 6 2 17 16 15 +1
South Osettia 12 3 2 7 16 29 11 -13
Nevigrad 12 0 1 11 3 24 1 -21

Crystilakere has already made the show, with 26 points already. Ianisle is also in good shape. All they need to do is beat or tie Jeruselem tonight to advance. That would also bode well for the Black and Red.

Jim: Of course it would. Legalese already has 3 points on Jeruselem, and with a huge goal differential advantage, really needs to only keep that advantage going into the final matchday. Of course, any collection of points by Legalese, coupled by Jeruselem bringing in less, would put Jeruselem out of contention.

Don: So, for Legalese to somehow clinch the berth into the finals, they need either a win and a Jeruselem loss or tie, or a tie, a Jeruselem loss, and losses or ties from both Eystrck and Praying2God?

Jim: Don, you amaze me at times. *both start laughing*

Meanwhile, in the Legalese Soccer House, a TV quickly changes from LSPN. "Who let those idiots back on?" commented Robbie, who settled down to WFTV's Movie of the Week: Misworded Justice .

Hiiraan Faces Ratviba, Lowest in the Group
Next: Anteneus Rising

Fresh out of The Hiiraan Victory of the Kings, The Hiiraanians Now face ratviba, a team that faced much disappointment and disability in the tournament so far, if we lose to them it will be a disaster, if we win against them, it will be nothing and would be expect as Hiiraan is both ranked higher and has better players than ratviba, they have struggled, which does not mean they will, but as history shows, the ratvibans have nothing to prove for to have a fighting chance against us. We will simply over-power their defense and then play a strong ball to make a win for us in the next game as simple as eating a piece of cake, no diss to any nation.

After leaving the Ratvibans with either a win or a lose, the Hiiraanians go to the nation called Antenus rising, a nation who has also proved both deadly and a big failure of catching eyes last world cup. We Hopefully expect two wins this next two days because of the lack of skill and the lack of money and goals that both teams have. They are at the bottom of the table and with kings lose, and a Hiiraan win and squarn lose, may be we can get to the top of this groups third place. Where we all expected to be.

Matchday 13 results posted. (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showthread.php?p=8037802#post8037802)

Tables will follow, but are being checked thoroughly, matchday by matchday. We don't want to be sending the wrong teams through, do we...

Jeruselem Government News

Crusaders fight on as Legalese fall to Crystils

Match day 12 was a disaster for Jeruselem. The Black and Reds aka Legalese won a vital game 3-1 against them. Jeruselem who has lost to South Osettia 2-1 and then Eystrck on MD 11. The third loss in a row to Legalese looked like ending it's campaign totally as it faced Iansisle then World Cup XIX champions Crystilakere. As of late, Legalese has strung a row of wins to challenge Jeruselem's top 3 spot while the others fall away as expected.

Today it played 2nd placed Iansisle. A loss was unthinkable as it would hand Legalese a top 3 spot in Group 3. Jeruselem won 2-0 against the Ians in a game to show it was not gone. The Ians simply ran into a brick wall and the attack managed two good goals to give it hope when facing the World Cup champs next game.

Legalese met Crystilakere. If it won, Jeruselem would have play the CoH and not the group stage. The World Cup champs showed quality and shot down the imposters 3-0 to help Jeruselem and Iansisle as well.

South Osettia won another game against Praying2God 3-1 in a game which put P2G out of the running for 3rd spot. Eystrck beat easy-beats Nevigrad 2-0 which helped it to stay in the fight for 3rd spot.

Group 3 is the group of death indeed. Crystilakere have already qualified and taken 1st spot. Iansisle have 23 points and should qualify with a win or draw on the last day. A loss would make things interesting for Iansisle, but we think they will qualify. With Legalese and Jeruselem on 21 points if it will be down to goal difference if needs be. Crystilakere play Jeruselem and Legalese have a much easier opponent (ie not Crystilakere). Eystrck need to win and hope the other two lose.

Group 3
Iansisle [0] Jeruselem [2]
Crystilakere [3] Legalese [0]
South Osettia [3] Praying2God [1]
Eystrck [2] Nevigrad [0]

<Table subject to review by hosts>

"The time? The place?"

"We have control of a flat across the street from the SOFA Headquarters. We can surprise him on his way home from work."

"Excellent."

"There is some news."

"Oh yes?"

"We beat P2G."

"What? Three wins in a row? This cannot be happening! This must not be happening now!"

"It is happening, and it's happening now."

"Oh Bob. Merciful and glorious Bob - why are you making it difficult for us to serve you."

"It must be a test."

"A test from Bob? Yes, of course. We must continue - we must please Bob. Tomorrow...tomorrow we will strike."

***

"We did it again?"

"Oh yeah - we beat them 3-1 and knocked them out of the running for third. We've achieved one of our aims at least."

"Who's playing who tomorrow?"

"We're playing Nevigrad. They're playing Eystrck."

"So sixth is still possible?"

"We need to make up a goal difference of two from P2G. If we beat Nevigrad and they lose to Eystrck, we get sixth."

"And that's the only possible permutation?"

"Yep."

"This group could turn out just as it's supposed to couldn't it? Crystilakere, Iansisle, Jerusalem, Legalese, Eystrck, us, P2G, Nevigrad. It could, couldn't it?"

"I guess you're right, Emmett."

"I know I'm right." There was a letter on my desk, whcih I'd only just noticed. Just my name on the front - no address, just my name. Must be internal, I thought. I opened it and started to read.

A frown formed on his face, Donna noticed. Something was up.

"What's the matter?"

"Nothing." He tucked the letter into his desk drawer and got back to his sandwich. Something was definitely up.

(OOC: Only a short one today - I've got something major planned for tomorrow, and I need to focus on that. It'll be...explosive.)

Only two match days for qualifying were left, as Eauz finished off their 3 games at home. With Eauz already qualified, coach Joseuf wanted to rest some of his key players, but said he doesn’t want to break the Eauz chances of making the Eauz record books as the first Eauz team to finish the qualifying round undefeated. So for this match, Alia, Rousseau, Vasser and Devereux sat out this match in place of subs.

The match was full of no-names for Eauz, but these no names played very well, as they fended off a few early attacks by Shonar Bangla. On one of these attacks, an SB mid-fielder let go of a rocket, but it was grabbed out by Bedeau’s amazing save. At the other end, Bedeau sent a goal kick which was taken by an SB defender, but look out! Theodoric came charging with an incredible tackle, which left the defender crying to the referee. Theodoric took the ball and fooled the keeper, putting it into the left corner pocket, putting Eauz up 1 – 0 at the 20th minute of play. A few minutes later, Les Bleus were on the attack again as a ball snuck through the defence, and found itself in possession of Theodoric who had another chance, but this time the SB keeper was able to catch the ball. It stayed like this momentum, up to the 40th minute of play, where, by accident, a new player of Eauz made a bad pass, which went into possession of an SB on the move towards the Eauz net. The SB player passed it out front to a teammate, who sent the ball sailing, just over the top of the net. Moreover, just before the half-time whistle was blown, SB got an organized attack going, as they passed it around the field. Suddenly, a mid-fielder made his way towards the net and was tripped up on his way. The referee thought he got tripped on purpose by an Eauz player, and thus rewarded the player a free kick. The player stuttered a bit before the kick, and then let it rip, but Bedeau made the correct decision, and saved the shot. The first half ended at the 1 – 0 score, but could have easily been 3 – 1 against Eauz.

The second half was not much more interesting, as both teams mainly got enough ground claimed as they did during the trench warfare of World War I. No major attacks occurred, as both defences countered the other. In the case of Eauz, they were happy about this, as they knew that if they continued to play like this they would get the 1 – 0 victory. They were correct, as the match ended at a 1 – 0 victory for Eauz. With the victory, Eauz continues their unbeaten streak, and grab 1st place in group 1, no matter what happened on the last match day. As for the last match day, it should be interesting, as Eauz will be visiting Krytenia. A Victory by Krytenia and Rejistania means, the standings stay the same, but if Rejis loses and Kry wins, Krytenia will take 2nd place.


Group 1 Pl W D L F A Pts GD
Eauz 13 10 3 0 27 8 33 +19
Rejistania 13 9 0 4 23 11 27 +12
Krytenia 13 7 5 1 23 12 26 +11
-----------------------------------------------------
Shonar Bangla 13 5 5 3 17 12 20 +5
Oceaice 13 4 4 5 13 20 16 -7
Lamoni 13 3 1 9 11 26 10 -15
Pterodactyl 13 1 4 8 11 18 7 -7
Limp Wristed Fish 13 1 2 10 7 25 5 -18

Match Day 1: Pterodactyl @ Eauz W 0 - 2
Match Day 2: Eauz @ Lamoni W 4 - 1
Match Day 3: Limp Wristed Fish @ Eauz W 0 - 3
Match Day 4: Eauz @ Oceaice T 2 - 2
Match Day 5: Eauz @ Rejistania W 1 - 0
Match Day 6: Eauz @ Shonar Bangla T 2 - 2
Match Day 7: Krytenia @ Eauz W 1 - 2

Match Day 8: Eauz @ Pterodactyl T 1 - 1
Match Day 9: Lamoni @ Eauz W 1 - 2
Match Day 10: Eauz @ Limp Wristed Fish W 1 - 0
Match Day 11: Oceaice @ Eauz W 0 - 5
Match Day 12: Rejistania @ Eauz W 1 - 2
Match Day 13: Shonar Bangla @ Eauz W 0 - 1
Match Day 14: Eauz @ Krytenia

THE HERALD SPORTS DIGEST
QUALIFICATION SPECIAL


YEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEES!

THEY travelled the world, they went to many exotic places, but when they return to Everton City tonight their journey will be over. The Celestials have qualified. And in some style, too, as they defeated falling giants Rejistania by two goals to nil.

Krytenia dominated throughout the first half, as their possession football frustrated the home side. The frustration was too much for Lyku Kansu, as he chopped down Ashley Moreaux on the edge of the box. One yellow card later, and Dave Van Staveren was over the free kick. It was hit hard, but it was the unfortunate deflection off the wall that confused the Orange-Blues' keeper and sent the ball into the corner of the net. A second goal for the Celestials followed before half-time - Van Staveren turning provider this time, as his over-the-shoulder drop pass for Moreaux found its mark perfectly, and the striker needed only two touches to control and strike. The goalkeeper never stood a chance.

Krytenia disappointed their fans in the second half by playing a lot of keep-ball, however due to this Rejistania had very little possession and simply couldn't create any half chances they could use, let alone clear-cut ones. The Krytenians celebrated as the final whistle blew; for the Rejistanians, it was just another meaningless game - they had qualified already.

Krytenia have nothing to play for in their final game - except pride. Their solitary defeat in this group was against Eauz a few months ago - the Celestials will want to rectify this before the two nations come together in their bid to host the twenty-first installment of the illustrious competition.

MARGARET X. SN38-2005.

REJISTANIA......................0
KRYTENIA.........................1
Van Staveren 27
Moreaux 40

H v LWF : W 2-1 (Downhead Park, Kallia)
A v OCE : D 1-1
H v PTE : D 0-0 (Sixways Stadium, Avidia)
A v LAM : W 3-0
A v SHB : D 1-1
H v REJ : W 3-2 (Davis Memorial Stadium, Everton City)
A v EAZ : L 1-2
A v LWF : W 4-2
H v OCE : W 2-0 (Mellion Lane, Davisham)
A v PTE : D 2-2
H v LAM : W 1-0 (Oxley Park, Everton City)
H v SHB : D 1-1 (New Coalfields, New Osteria)
A v REJ : W 2-0
H v EAZ : ????? (Davis Memorial Stadium, Everton City)

Stars fall off track, lose grip on first

In the end, there wasn't much to complain about for the Sarzonian national football team. Goalkeeper Troy Perkins made four saves, the Stars won the possession battle 47 minutes to 43 for Bedistan, but the hosts were just a little bit better, defeating the Stars 2-1 to clinch a spot in the World Cup Finals with Total 'n Utter Insanity defeating Fmjphoenix 3-1.

"They were just a little better than we were," Coach Dave Wilson said. "They might have benefitted from a hometown call here or there, but there's a reason they're 18th ranked in the world."

A spectacular bicycle kick by forward Barry Alphonso in the 78th minute couldn't offset two hard-won goals by the Bedistanis, both of which came against the run of play. Defender Lance Alcina whiffed on a clearance attempt in the 43rd minute and forward George Washburn didn't miss his chance, burying the shot past a surprised Perkins to give Bedistan the 1-0 lead heading into the locker room.

"That goal deflated us a little bit," Perkins said. "I could see it by the way we came out of the locker room the first 10 minutes or so." The team's lethargy nearly cost them a goal as forward Kyle Dean forced a bad pass from defender Mike Coyle and fired a laser shot that Perkins was lucky to tap wide of the goal. Perkins rushed off his goal line to punch the resulting corner out of the area and Coyle was able to clear the ball out of danger.

However, the Stars weren't so lucky at the 61st minute mark. Substitute midfielder Henrik Bastale tried to nutmeg defender Jill Greene, but she was up to the task and served the ball to forward Vanessa Carpenter. She faked Perkins almost out of his shoes and tapped a cheeky backheel into the goal, much to Wilson's chagrin.

"That was just a bad play by Henrik," Wilson fumed. "I told him after the match, 'don't you ever try that [stuff] again.'"

The Stars face Total 'n Utter Insanity, who would clinch first place with a win or tie against the Stars in the game at Hendrix Stadium in Woodstock. Sarzonia needs to win their match to finish in first place in the group. But Wilson said he had more on his mind than the team's final standing in the group.

"We need to kick it in gear," he said as he closed his address to the press without a hint of the jovial humour that usually marked his press conferences. "We've lost the last two matches and three of our last four. We've been hoping to build momentum heading into the Finals, but now we want to just win a damn football game."

'Slaves Seal Snubs Fate
Audio go through while SN38 miss out for final time

In what was honestly a dull match, Audioslavia and Snub Nose 38 contrived to draw 1-1, a result which put the 'slaves through but dumped the hooligans out of the competition.

SN38 needed a win to have any hope of getting a final world cup place, as well as requiring the One Red Dot - Wella match to end in a win for either side. For a while things looked promising for the hooligans as they took the lead through Daniel Defoe, who looked in fine form throughout the match, astonishingly fit for someone who was born in 1660. In London. To a local Tallow-Chandler. Whatever that is.

However, the 'slaves put pay to any Snub Nose Thirty Eighti dreams of qualification by equalising through Jussi Oskari on the stroke of half-time, a scrambled goal to finish off a sloppy first half.

The second half didn't begin any better, the match bogged down in midfield and the game became littered with petty fouls and yellow cards. Bobby Stevenson then managed to get himself sent off for protesting at the referee over claims about his sexuality made by over zealous literary critics with nothing better to do than make students life a misery. His red card was, however, rescinded after the game after news that he had gone to Roland Barthez house and kicked the shit out of him for being such a ponce*.

The match ended 1-1 and Snub Nose 38 were out. The point put Audioslavia through, but the performance didn't exactly fill the supporters with confidence going into the World Cup. The 'slaves have won just one game in their last five now, with three draws, one defeat and a win against lowly San Verdi.

Group 6 P W D L GF GA Pts GD
Audioslavia 13 8 4 1 23 10 28 +13
One Red Dot 13 7 3 3 23 13 24 +10
Wella 13 7 3 3 24 16 24 +8
----------------------------------------------------
Spaam 13 6 5 2 25 15 23 +10
Snub Nose 38 13 5 3 5 24 17 18 +7
Giant Zucchini 13 3 3 7 18 28 12 -10
East Lithuania 13 2 3 8 14 30 9 -16
San Verdi 13 1 2 10 10 32 5 -22

And so the table looks like this. Audioslavia have consolidated their position as group winner with that draw, whilst Snub Nose 38 are now mathematically eliminated. The real drama lies in positions 2 to 4, which are seperated by just one point. Lets look at the three sides vying for those two extra places in World Cup 20.

ONE RED DOT
The Wolves are ahead of the pack, but will need to get a result over Snub Nose 38 to be certain of going through. A win will seal their position, but a draw or a loss would prove costly if Wella and Spaam both win. If they lose they could still go through, but it just takes a couple of Spaamanian or Wellan goals for them to be eliminated.

WELLA
We knew they'd be in a position like this before qualification started, and here they are. On paper, Wella have the most difficult game of all, hosting leaders and #1 seeds Audioslavia. All is not as bleak as it seems however, as Audioslavia are in a rough patch, and Wella are at home. A win would see them through for sure, whilst a draw would mean they would have an agonising wait to see the results of the ORD and Spaam matches.

SPAAM
The Spaamanians travel to struggling East Lithuania knowing that they need a result. A win means theyre through as long as ORD and Wella don't go victorious in their games. Though they have this disadvantage, Spaam have to be the favourites to go through, as wins for both ORD and Wella are unlikely.

Predictions for Matchday 14:
Wella 0-0 Audioslavia
Snub Nose 38 1-3 One Red Dot
East Lithuania 2-4 Spaam
San Verdi 1-2 Giant Zucchini

One Red Dot and Spaam to go through.

AI Final Jeopardy

The Adam Island National Football Team has one day left to prove its worth and qualify for its second consecutive World Cup.

AI's 1-2 loss in first-place Svecia cost it a chance at qualifying yesterday and brought the tables to an even closer total than the day before, especially after Kaze Progressa's 5-0 route of Kylaai.

This brings Adam Island one point behind Kaze Progressa in the standings and tied in points with Kylaai, but ahead on goal differential. Adam Island will play Kaze Progressa in the final match of group qualifying play, meaning that they will clinch qualifying with a win.

If Adam Island loses, they still have a shot at qualifying, if Kylaai loses by more than 2 goals under Adam Island's total. If AI loses and Kylaai draws or wins, Adam Island is out. If AI draws and Kylaai draws or loses, Adam Island is in.

So in short, Adam Island has to do better against second-place Kaze Progressa than Kylaai does against first-place Svecia.

An estimated 12,000 fans will jam into The ADAMDOME to see Adam Island host KP. Manager Deidra Gowin is preparing the team with a standard workout followed by a scrimmage against Adam City State University's football team.

LAST MATCH: Svecia 2, Adam Island 1 (0-2, 1-3)
NEXT MATCH: Kaze Progressa @ Adam Island (0-1 1-2)

The Druidan Intelligence Service has made it as far as Cefn-Mawr International Airport. With his tickets in hand, he is already through security... Well, he would be, what with being a government official and all. He sits waiting for the announcement for his plane to board whilst sitting fiddling with his watch. Like any good intelligence officer does. Only not for the same reason as most intelligence officers do - just the battery has gone.

Announcer: "DruidAir Flight DRU355 to Alan City is now ready for boarding at Gate Thirty. Could all passengers for this flight please make their way there now please."

With this, the Druidan Intelligence Service gets up and heads towards the gate. Unfortunately, he still hasn't quite grasped English proplerly...

DIS: "Is this Gate Thirty?"

Gate man: "Gate Thirteen? Yes, this is it."

DIS: "This goes to the City of the Alan, yes?"

Gate man: "My name is Allan, yes. Trevor Allan. How can I help."

DIS: "I want to know where this plane is going."

Gate man: "About 100 metres down the corridor, sir."

DIS: "That is stupid."

Gate man: "In about 15 minutes."

DIS: "Dear oh dear..."

The Druidan Intelligence Service moves on past the gate man. He walks down to the ticket woman.

Ticket women: "Have you got your ticket there, sir?"

DIS: "Yes, it's... it's... it's here."

He rummages around a little bit for it.

Ticket woman: "I'm sfraid I can't let you fly without a ticket."

DIS: "Er..."

At this point, he remembered something the unnamed helper had told him. "If you ever need to get anywhere in an airport, just say the magic word."

DIS: "Look, what if I say to you... *whispers something in ticket woman's ear.*

Ticket woman: "Well, I never thought I'd hear anyone say that to me. Please, sir, go ahead and get on board."

The Druidan Intelligence Service climbs the stairs and boards the plane. He sits back and relaxes, reclining the chair back as far as it goes. "It's a long flight to Alan City," he thought to himself, "Might as well catch up on a bit of sleep while I can."

As the DIS's eyes slowly closed, the final few passengers climbed aboard. The pilot started talking to the plane.

Pilot: "Hello ladies and gentlemen, welcome aboard this DruidAir flight to Vimsbairn, Cockbill Street..."

But it was to late for the DIS to do anything. He was sound asleep.

Maeda: Wow!
Assist. Manager: What?
Maeda: For the first cup in a long time, we have proved the predicters right.
Assist. Manager: Huh?
Maeda: Well, every 4 years, people say how they think teams will fare in the cup. We are always branded as 'the inconsistent and bland ones.' And, traditionally, we tell them all to go to hell and pull off some really good results.
Assist. Manager: And?
Maeda: Well, this cup, we HAVE been inconsistent, and have been playing some fairly unexiting football. Which is why we look upon match day 14 as a turning point, and an important match to win if we are to succeed to do anything this cup!
Assist. Manager: How can this match be important? We have already qualified, how will this match benefit us in any way?
Maeda: Simply, it will increase our morale. We are surprising low on morale for a team ranked 2nd in the world. A win against old rivals on foreign soil will definately be beneficial to the team.
Assist. Manager: So you want top spot, then?
Maeda: NO! It is not simply about 'top spot'. It is about the pride of our nation. A draw is not enough, and a draw would have us top spot. Now I will see you tommorow with the team, they need a talking to.
<Maeda and the Assistant Manager leave the room>



After 13 Match Days

Group 2 Pl W D L F A Pts GD
Dance 2 Revolution 13 10 1 2 25 9 31 +16
Cockbill Street 13 9 2 2 23 11 29 +12
Oddslavo 13 7 2 4 20 17 23 +3
----------------------------------------------------
Commerce Heights 13 6 3 4 21 16 21 +5
Big Pimento 13 5 2 6 16 19 17 -3
Kipto-Mare * 13 3 4 6 13 18 13 -5
Korinthos 13 3 2 8 19 25 11 -6
Aust 13 0 2 11 3 25 2 -22

*an impromptu news conference on the steps outside the academy of sciences for the frost-free borderlands of snub nose 38 catches our attention. chief academician albert onestone, eminent...um...(well, he's good at something or other)...er, doctor onestone is seated behind a large number of microphones, an aide to his left, a nurse to his right.*

-...wasn't his dad a candle-maker, in London?
- Academician, the microphones are on.
- On what?
- On...as in, "not off".
- Oh. Oh, I see. Hmph!

*pause*

- Doctor Onestone?
- Yes?
- It's a press conference.
- Oh. How nice.

*another pause*

- Sir...it's your press conference.
- Mine? Am I going to say something?

*the chief academician's nurse gets up, moves behind his wheelchair, and wheels him back inside. doctor onestone's aide attempts to slip unobtrusively over one chair. as he is not one on whom the adjective "dextrous" could be truthfully used, it does not go well. there is a crash, several bangs, and a thump. both the chair the aide was sitting in, and the chair he was attempting to move to, fold up with the aide in them. the table tips over on top of it all. two reporters and an innocent passer-by extract the aide, and prop him up behind the microphones again, the crowd tittering all the while.*

- Sorry...sorry...um...the Chief Academician called this...um...news conference to make an important announcement. Over the past several...er...years we have been carefully studying the geography of our beloved...uh...Borderlands, and over time have come to an alarming conclusion.

*the aide pauses for effect. the tittering has stopped. pencils are poised above notepads. he goes on.*

- We are, as you know, a large island. Unfortunatley, we...uh...are a sinking island. It seems we are located atop a very large ridge protruding from the ocean floor on one side of what we have termed "Fault 38". Fault 38 is...um...huge. And it is...um...becoming increasingly active. Careful seismographic study of Fault 38 shows us that the island continent we live on is...er...is detached from the ridge at all but one single, geographically...er...geographically small location. As Fault 38's activity increased, we have monitored and recorded and...uh...and graphed, with the aid of the Ministry of Statistics, Other Totally Useless Information, and...um...and Band Aides, the deterioration of that one point and the actual...ah...actual tipping of our beloved Borderlands. We have reached the conclusion that we have no more than a few months at best, and more likely a few weeks, before the entire thing...er...thing goes "upsy daisy!" and tips into the sea.

*pause. the crowd is definitely not tittering now. in fact, if one were to accurately measure the titter-quotient of the crowd, it would be a large negative titter-quotient indeed. doctor onestones aide continues.*

- Therefore, The Guy Currently But Only Temporarily In Charge Of Stuff For The Frost-Free Borderlands Of Snub Nose 38 has decreed that everyone will leave the country within the next week. The entire national treasury, the entire government, the thrust, if you will...er...will of the people of the land, is directed and de...er..de...um...devoted to the mass exodus of us all from here to...well...basically, somewhere else. The ministries of...um...of everything else have been combined into the Ministry of Careful and Harmonious Extraction of Us from Here, and Pizza. The pizza, of course, will serve as rations as we make good our...ah...our escape.

- Questions?

*pause*

- Er...yeah. Did the Hooligans win today?
- No, they drew with Audioslavia. Danny Defoe scored one...um...one goal for the Hooligans early, but in the end it was a draw.
- Then, we're out?
- Yes...er...yes. Out of the Cup, and...um...and out of the Country.
- What about this State Funeral for Margaret Somebody-or-other?
- Yes.
- What?
- Yes.
- Yes, what?
- What?
- ...Let me rephrase.
- Please...um...please do.
- Will there still be a State Funeral for this Margaret Whatsis?
- Certainly not.
- What? You said...
- No funeral whatever.
- But...
- A Memorial Service will be held for...er...for Margaret...um...Margaret tomorrow afternoon.
- But you said no funeral...?
- No funeral. Cremation, Memorial, no...ah...no Funeral.
- Has anyone heard from the Minister of Athletics, Olympics, and Alcoholic Beverages?
- There is no Ministry of...er...of...gack!...Mr. Cass! You have simply got...um...got to stop popping in and out like that.
- Sure, sure. To answer the question, though...The Past Minister of Athletics, Olympics, and Alcoholic Beverages is currently being cared for in the Intensive Stupidity Ward over at Saint Swithens. He's rather inconsolable. Keeps repeating over and over again, "No one's been rude to me for days."
- One more question, Mr. Cass...
- No more questions. Sorry. The Guy Currently But Only Temporarily In Charge Of Stuff For The Frost-Free Borderlands Of Snub Nose 38 (37.5 shortly, I believe) will be issuing an official, and final, decree regarding the evacuation tomorrow. For today, he sent me over to ask the news media to pass on his thanks to the many nations who, although busily involved in trying to qualify for World Cup 20, have taken a moment or two to mark the passing of someone we all knew only as Margaret.

*albert onestones aide seems about to say something, but jack cass simply snags him by the color and gives him the bums rush straight up the steps and into what was once the academy of science for the frost-free borderlands of snub nose 38. the hub and the bub seemingly over, at least for now, we head once again for the dragon and the dragonfly, to mull over this distressing news over some mulled wine.*

-----------------------------------

To a local Tallow-Chandler. Whatever that is answer is above

Strike Birds Qualify; Hosts Don't Recognize

TEN begins selling their allotment of tickets to WC20.

With their win today, the tables don't look as if the Nest has made it to the cup, as they could be caught by both the Weegies and Squornshelous if they both get a win, but when you realize they have to play each other on MD 14, it becomes apparent that the Nest are through for their 9th straight World Cup.

TENFA has begun taking orders from their fans for tickets to the world cup, once their final destination is determined.

News blackout continues after this small post due to severe magnetic storms over the Silver Marches. Hopefully the storm will pass by the actual world cup.

EL CID NEWS.
NEWS YOU CAN USE.

sports news

I'M COMEING TO LONDON

OCC: due to an unexpected school trip i will not be able to RP for the next 4 days. I will be going to London and Paris for a European conference. I now hope that the lions get to the round of 16. Good luck to all and bad luck to all of ECTH's foes

OCC: due to an unexpected school trip i will not be able to RP for the next 4 days.

Vilitans Mortified at El Cid Dissapearence

------------Citizens all accross Vilita were mortified today after hearing the news that EL CID THE HERO would not be producing any reports over the coming days. Immediately Vilitans began to fear for the lives of their chairs, and their carpets and floors. However, a quick study performaed by the local Music department at Yeaddin Middle School determined that the chairs would not get stuck to the floor, nor leave an irreversible dent in the carpeting due to not having to adjust the positioning of the chairs to avoid being blinded by the ECTH headlines. However, the report stressed, If EL CID THE HERO did not return to publishing within the expected deadline, some Vilitans could see a slight increase in their intelligence level.

Vikings 6 match unbeaten streak ended by the team that last defeated them

In the match that they needed to win and against one of the top teams in the world, the Vikings could do nothing as Total n Utter Insanity just helped amplify the feeling of despair as the Vikings lost to TnUI for the second time 3-1, and to make things harder, Bedistan also defeated Sarzonia 2-1 to doubly make sure that Fmjphoenix would have to wait until World Cup 21 to try for the finals again.

The Vikings could not keep up with TnUI. The Insaniacs score three fast goals, all within 30 minutes of each other, and all in the first half and had thrown Fmjphoenix so off balance, they had no chance to recover in the first half at all. Not even the retrun of Esteban Zeus could help fuel the Vikings en route to their first lost since the Insanacs defeated them last time. The only thing that made the loss better than the one that they were handed by TnUI was a late strike by Zeus at the 87th minute when the Vikings didn't have much of a chance to stake a comeback.

With the loss coupled with the fact that Bedistan won, Bedistan will keep the last qualification spot and send the Vikings home early for the third straight time. All that is left for Fmjphoenix is their final match against Bedistan. Even though they lost against TnUI and have been knocked out of qualification, they refuse to not try and defeat Bedistan again. Last time they managed a 2-1 victory over the Green-Blue Lions, and hope to do the same at home. The match has already sold out to capacity and the fans are expecting to give a warm reception to the team despite its heartbreaking performence. Look or the Vikings to try and show bouncbackability and also steal away a little thunder from Bedistan.

Fmjphoenix: 1
(Zeus 87)

Total n Utter Insanity: 3
(Unknown 12, 23, 34)


World Cup XX Qualification:
MD01: Fmjphoenix vs. Nouveau Richelieu Win 4-2
MD02: Fmjphoenix @ Haperd Lose 1-2
MD03: Fmjphoenix vs. Qia Lose 0-1
MD04: Fmjphoenix @ Ninurta Win 4-1
MD05: Fmjphoenix @ Sarzonia Lose 2-3
MD06: Fmjphoenix vs. Total n Utter Insanity Lose 0-3
MD07: Fmjphoenix @ Bedistan Win 2-1
------------------------------------------------
MD08: Fmjphoenix @ Noveau Richelieu Win 2-1
MD09: Fmjphoenix vs. Hapred Win 2-1
MD10: Fmjphoenix @ Qia Draw 1-1
MD11: Fmjphoenix vs. Ninurta Draw 1-1
MD12: Fmjphoenix vs. Sarzonia Win 3-2
MD13: Fmjphoenix @ Total n Utter Insanity Lose 3-1
MD14: Fmjphoenix vs. Bedistan
Record: 6-2-5

The Bedistan Sports Digest

Another Notch in the Ol' Tree
Bedistan national team qualifies for the 15th time

SONOMA CITY -- The packed house at Fillmore National Stadium gave the Bedistan Green-Blues a standing ovation after their 2-1 victory over Sarzonia today. It was a hard-fought match, with Sarzonia bringing a great deal more to the pitch than their world ranking would indicate. Vanessa Carpenter and George Washburn each tallied goals for the home team en route to the win, which, despite having that 2-1 scoreline for the sixth time this tournament, actually felt like a live match.

"I have to give props to Troy Perkins," said Washburn after the match. "He did a great job in the Sarzonia goal today, and he's probably one of the main reasons why the Stars have done as well as they have. Also, that goal by Vanessa was just superb. In all my years playing in the BPL, I can't have seen something like that more times than I can count on one hand."

Fmjphoenix's qualifying hopes were dashed with a 3-1 loss to Total n Utter Insanity, putting the Green-Blues seven points ahead of the Vikings with a single match to go. So now the fight is for the group win. Unfortunately, Bedistan are out of that race; despite being only three points behind leaders TnUI, TnUI play second-place Sarzonia, which locks the Green-Blues out regardless of the result. There are a few options for snagging second, though:

- TnUI win + Bedistan win
- TnUI win by at least 2 + Bedistan draw
- TnUI win by 1 + Bedistan draw, but only if BED-FMJ each score seven more than Sarzonia (ain't gonna happen)
- Sarzonia win + Bedistan win, but only if combined margin of victory is at least 7 (6 is a maybe)

The final match is against Fmjphoenix away. The Vikings will be playing for pride, and have already stated that they will not be backing down one iota for this matchup. Bedistan coach Mike Davidson has not yet commented on the lineup for the match.

FINAL SCORE:
Bedistan 2 (Washburn 43, Carpenter 61)
Sarzonia 1 (Alphonso 78)

The future of rejistanian football

After the Rejistani national team lost all 4 crucial matches in the Group 1, people are wondering where the Orange-Blues will be in a few years. Our predictions for the next world cups. 100% inaccuracy guaranteed:

World Cup 20: The Orange-Blues will qualify but in group stage miss out unluckily against the world powers in soccer: EL CID THE HERO, Hiiraan (who only qualified due to a table error) and Wella.

World Cup 21: the Orange-Blues miss qualification closely due to a loss against long-time not-participants and total newbs of Defari.

World Cup 22: The Orange-Blues qualify as hosts and get humiliated on home ground. You thought 10:1 was high? The Orange-Blues will lose every single match in a way to make a 10:1 appear a good score.

World Cup 23: There is no Orange-Blue national team anymore since Abysmalistan invaded. The new Abysmali-Rejistani national team 'does a Ravea'

World Cup 24: The Orange-Blue decline went so low that the Abysmalistan phenomenon became active: As -128-1=127 (in a Byte), the 'New Raveans' (as they are called now) win the world cup undefeated.

Must Win

A loss to Liverpool England leaves Squornshelous on the edge
The Pschychoes fell on the next to last matchday when they needed only a win to qualify. Now, they are perched in third place and face a real possibility of mising out on the cup. The game started badly for Squornshelous, with Liverpool England going up on a 12th minute corner kick, and although Trevor Gerrard tied it up before halftime. We just couldn't finish plays and let this one slip away.

Final Score:
Squornshelous 1-2 Liverpool England

Scoring Summary:
LE: (player) [12]
SQ: Gerrard [44]
LE: (player) [82]

Squornshelous' Scorers:
Gerrard: 11
Popov: 9
Arnesson: 6
Washington: 3

Group 9 Standings After Matchday 10:

Group 9 Pl W D L GF GA Pts GD
Liverpool England 13 9 1 3 30 10 28 +20 Q
The Eagles Nest 13 6 5 2 18 10 23 +8 Q
Squornshelous 13 6 3 4 29 16 21 +13
----------------------------------------------------
The Weegies * 13 6 2 5 20 17 20 +3
Hiiraan 13 6 1 6 19 22 19 -3
Kingsford 13 5 3 5 13 15 18 -2 E
Antaeus Rising 13 3 1 9 6 24 10 -18 E
Ratvipa 13 2 2 9 6 27 8 -20 E


Squornshelous' Qualifying Schedule:
Wins Draws Losses
MD01: Squornshelous 4-1 Hiiraan
MD02: Ratvipa 1-0 Squornshelous
MD03: Squornshelous 6-0 Antaeus Rising
MD04: Kingsford 3-2 Squornshelous
MD05: The Eagles Nest 2-2 Squornshelous
MD06: Liverpool England 2-2 Squornshelous
MD07: Squornshelous 3-1 The Weegies
MD08: Hiiraan 1-3 Squornshelous
MD09: Squornshelous 4-1 Ratvipa
MD10: Antaeus Rising 1-0 Squornshelous
MD11: Squornshelous 1-2 Kingsford
MD12: Squornshelous 0-0 The Eagles Nest
MD13: Squornshelous 1-2 Liverpool England
MD14: The Weegies v Squornshelous

Squornshelous' Record:
Home: 4-1-2
Away: 2-2-2
Overall: 6-3-4

Up Next: The Weegies
It all comes down to this. With Squornshelous in third place with 21 points and The Weegies in fourth with 20, the winner of this match will advance to the Cup in Starblaydia and Druida, while the loser will go home. In the event of a tie, Squornshelous will qualify, barring a 16 point victory by Hiiraan. This has boiled down to the last and most important game of qualifying.

Our Penance

We, the dishonorable team from The Holy Empire of Ratvipa have disgraced our glorious homeland with our pitiful performance in the World Cup qualifiers. We lost even to Hiiraan. In atonement for our horrendous play, we will burn ourselves alive on the field following tomorrow's final match.

We would like to apologize for our misdeeds. We trust you will not judge our sacred ways by the play of our footballers.

-The Ratvipan Team

Hiiraan Faces Anteneus as the Team Tries To Finish A High level Year.
Next: Over...No More Games.

Hiiraan had made this year spectacular and is not going to advance, however we hope that squarn wins tonight so that we can take the 4th Trophy into our pockets and maybe get into the CoH and kick some behind there.

The team Bounced from a loosing year last year to and incredible winning year this year, we do not know how that Tournament Table makers did not see we are no more in session to qualify, even if the third place losses, the team they face will still win, making them go to third and dropping the squarn to fourth and close us in fifth, it would be absolutely something bad, we also want to prevent a Kingsford win on us, because if they win and we lose, we will be locked in sixth, a number that was predicted for us and a number that we want to avoid as much as we can, but if we win and kings win, it wont matter because we will be still ahead on this.

The table did in fact change however when the Table makers faced the brutal decision to change things up and be accountable and all the stuff that they did not do last season, we know the table makers and they are good, and are devoted and sometimes they are the best people you will encounter, but they are humans and humans make mistakes, its the only guaranteed thing I human will do.

We hope for a win and a win that could be cherished all our lives and nights if I might add.

we do not know how that Tournament Table makers did not see we are no more in session to qualify

The Krytenian Unusual Statistics Department (yes, KUSD are back) would like to point out to the Football Association of Hiiraan that they can still mathmatically qualify.

OK, so Squornshelous and The Weegies need to tie, and your men will have to hammer Antaeus Rising sixteen-nil, but that's just semantics.

Suffice to say, System Karela would not be the best tactics.

KUSD out.

The Aeropag Tribune—Be a true patriot, give us money! Act now before it’s too late!

Redner, CHFF Make Adjustments For Oddslavo Match
So-called “AOA” to be used for what critics call “most overhyped Terranordalian [soccer] match of the century”
COMMERCE HEIGHTS, CT—The Commerce Heights Footballing and Soccer Federation (CHFF) has been around for nearly half a century (the anniversary coinciding with the final Capitalizts qualifying match). It’s seen everything—the Abysmali 3‒3‒4 of World Cup 7, 7‒6‒3, 9‒6‒2, and even the spectacular 16‒5‒4 of World Cup 15. It’s seen qualifications decided on the third-to-last, second-to-last, and even the final day of qualifying play. Wins over Audioslavia and losses to nations you’ve never heard of—except when listening to those people that have seen it all, who have been watching the Bulldogs (now the Capitalizts) since the disappointing 3‒4 shootout against Pavesia in Maxisoft Stadium (now a hangar for the Capitalizt Defense Alliance). Show them a play that you think is spectacular, show them an insane statistic, and they’ll name at least two reasons why it’s not as unusual as you think. But even the truest Capitalizts fans can’t remember what is about to happen in Oddslavo—a qualification decided by a single match. Because it hasn’t happened ever in the team’s history.

On Matchday 11, the Capitalizts had a hope of qualifying, only 1 point behind Oddslavo for third place. They blew their opportunity to stay in contention for the qualifying spot—which, given the team’s performance so far this Cup, is not unusual—on the next matchday by drawing with Dance 2 Revolution, letting Oddslavo get ahead on their upset of Cockbill Street. A draw with Cockbill Street allowed the Capitalizts to shrink their deficit, but with one game left, the 2-point deficiency is no better than 3. To qualify for their ninth consecutive World Cup, the Capitalizts must now defeat Oddslavo, not simply hold them to a draw. That’s where coach Darren Redner’s tactics come in.

In speaking to his team yesterday, Coach Redner outlined a brilliant (now “cunning,” after the mass Belmorian immigration) plan to defeat Oddslavo.
“We must score more referee-approved goals than Oddslavo,” stated Redner while outlining the plan. “To do this, we must either actually score more goals or somehow convince the officials that we did score more goals. The latter will be simple—a sufficient bribe is all that is required. But if this does not work—for instance, if the officials are from Eauz—we must ensure that we are capable of scoring more ‘real’ goals.
“Many so-called ‘fans’ of the Capitalizts have criticized my decision to put CEO Thornton on the roster. Soon, they will see that they were wrong about him, that he will, in fact, be the key to our qualification. Due to his size, we can easily focus more on scoring goals than blocking them. An imbalanced formation—2‒3‒5, for instance—will give us a high probability of scoring goals with a comparatively small probability of allowing goals, which is exactly what is needed to win the match.”

Although many of the players are confident that Redner’s plan will succeed, those that don’t place their confidence in statistics—which heavily favor the Capitalizts.

[20] Commerce Heights at [45] Oddslavo—Match History
Oddslavo 1‒2 Commerce Heights (WC14Q MD3)
Commerce Heights 2‒2 Oddslavo (WC14Q MD12)
Commerce Heights 3‒1 Oddslavo (WC16 1R MD1)
Oddslavo 3‒2 Commerce Heights (WC19Q MD6)
Commerce Heights 3‒2 Oddslavo (WC19Q MD13)
Commerce Heights 0‒1 Oddslavo (WC20Q MD7)
Overall Record: Commerce Heights 3‒1‒2 Oddslavo
at CH: Commerce Heights 1‒1‒1 Oddslavo
at Oddslavo: Commerce Heights 1‒0‒1 Oddslavo
neutral site: Commerce Heights 1‒0‒0 Oddslavo

Hiiraan finally win!
Worse misspelling of Antaeus to date award

Although there were many in the running this year, Hiiraan stand head and shoulders above the rest, seemingly hitting random keys in their search for the right spelling.

Congrats on your first misspelling award. The first, I’m sure, of many.

[OOC - Squorn, I DID provide a roster.]

Terminators qualify with seventh win on the bounce
Away win at Squornshelous means MD14 game at home to The Eagles Nest won't matter

With a 2-1 away win at Squornshelous recording their seventh straight win, the Terminators will face on MD14 the team against whom they started their winning ways (Previous outing: MD7, The Eagles Nest 1-2 Liverpool England), lthough the result will have no effect on whether the Terminators will qualify - they did so against Squornshelous.

Timothy Dennard's 11th minute corner deflected in off Squornshelan Trevor Gerrard, but Dennard claimed the goal. Gerrard then cancelled out the deficit but Joseph Cano, a substitute, put the game beyond doubt with three minutes to go with a well-taken 20 yard shot.

Squornshelous will qualify with a win on MD14, The Weegies will qualify with a win on MD14 and Hiiraan will qualify with a 16-goal margin win over Antaeus Rising provided the Squornshelous-Weegies match ends in a draw.

GIANT ZUCCHINI THRASH WEST LITHUANIA...OR SOMEBODY...3-0
Experts Say Qualification Still Considered "Mathematically Beyond Grasp"

Giant Zucchini put out a fine performance against East Withulania in front of an enthusiastic home crowd of about 3 people. Shur was given a place in the starting lineup for the match, and duly repaid the faith, opening the scoring in the 11th minute. Kandonar made it 2-0 early in the second half, while Argenti put the game beyond the Southern Province of Eastern Lithuaniania. We could not be bothered to reach Coach Tolar for his comment.

The mood was tense in the home locker room on this day. Legalese was in what quite possibly the biggest match they’ve had in their history. With only today’s bout with Ianisle to play, the Black and Red stood in third place- third! - in group 3. All they needed to do today was win, or hope that Jeruselem does no better with Crystilakere than they did today. For 10 years, most of these guys have been playing for the Legalese National Team, and here they were, finally on the verge of making the World Cup!

The door to the Manager’s Office opened, grabbing the attention of the team. Out stepped Robbie Heard, seemingly as much of a fixture as the players themselves. The room quieted, as he began to speak.

“Well, I don’t need to tell you what’s on the line today” said Heard. “Did you guys ever think we’d all make it this far?” Silence. “Neither did I, to be honest. It has been a long, hard road these past ten years together, but we’re on the edge of doing what we’ve dreamed of doing since I met you in our first camp. We are on the verge of making it into the World Cup.”

“This may be the last chance for most of you” he continued. “Ten years at the international level is a lot, more than some players ever get. We’ve been lucky, in some ways, growing up together, all going through the same trials. The Baptism of Fire, our first rough campaign, the disappointments of the last qualifying run, and of course, the troubles encountered by the Great Storm. We’ve been through it all, and we’ve survived it so far, but this may be very well it. One final shot to make the Cup, then that’s a career for you.”

“Well, even if that is it, no matter what we do out on the pitch today, I can tell you one thing for sure: it has been a pleasure to take this trip with you, gentlemen. Now, let’s see if we can extend the trip, with a little visit to our neighbors around the Bekk. The chance is waiting right outside this door, on the pitch, with our countrymen behind us. Let’s grab a spot in the cup!”

The crowd pulsated with energy, knowing what was on the line tonight. The stadium started to shake, as the Legal Eagles started chanting and jumping. Soon, the entire crowd was involved, ready to break out in frenzy. They would not have to wait long, as the Black shirts of the home side entered, the match about to begin. The fate of Legalese hung in the balance, as the referee blew the opening whistle.

DECREE
Be it ordered and decreed throughout the land of Snub Nose 36.25

The Guy Currently But Only Temporarily In Charge Of Stuff For The Frost-Free Borderlands of Snub Nose 34 1/16th does herewith order, decree and set in motion the immediate, complete and orderly evacuation of all inhabitants of the Frost-Free Borderlands of Snub Nose 32.

To that end surface craft, sub-surface craft, air-craft, and basketweaving kits have been made available to the citizenry at all airport locations, port locations, and several select sherry locations as well. And all at a reasonable down payment of 38 Vodka Gimlets, and low monthly payments of 45 VG for 60 months.

We are not deserting our homeland. No, we of Snub Nose 29.6 ancestry, we of Snub Nose 27 1/3rd bloodlines, we SN 2 dozeners would never desert our homeland. It is, in point of fact, Snub Nose 22 that is deserting us.

And we forgive her! The bounty of Snub Nose 19 has been laid before us for time immemorial! We have feasted of her fruit and drank deeply of her beverages (oh, those beverages! I remember one bottle of Snub Nose 17.9 that was exquisite! The bouquet, the aroma, the...but (as usual) I digress).

Our motherland is sinking, and soon will be no more. The Permafrost-Free Borderlands of Snub Nose 15 and two thirds is, through no fault of her own (well, actually, through a fault of her own - Fault 38 to be specific) is sinking into the sea - and we cannot prevent Snub Nose 12 from soon disappearing forever.

We will emigrate to all the nations of the world. They don't know we're coming - we felt it best not to mention that the 3.6+billion of us would be moving in with them on a fairly permanent basis. There might have been some hesitancy to open their figurative (and literal) doors had we announced the impending arrival of over 3,600,000,000 Snub Nose 9ers.

And so we go, in secret, incognito, in small unmarked bills, to all the lands of the world. To the jungles of Tanah Burung. To the highlands of Audioslavia. To the rolling plains of Oglethorpia, the woodlands of Halfassedstates, the hellmouth of Gilmecia. We shall blend our paranoia and schizophrenia into the city-scapes of the Insanicans. We shall arise from our ashes (ashes - not asses!) in the land of fmjphoenix. We shall do business in the heights of Commerce Heights, and carefully avoid business in Eauz. We shall don orange and blue and slip into Rejistania. We shall Pray-2-God, and Dance-2-Revolution! We shall, if we must, eat Spaam! We can and we will...well, you get the picture. One Red Dot! Hell, we'll give ya Two Red Dots!

So, close up your homes, your shops, your places of business, your places of mind-your-own-business. Take what little you need of Snub Nose 6 with you, as we assimilate ourselves into the unsuspecting innocents throughout the world. You will always have Snub Nose 5 in your hearts!

Make it your business, and the business of those who follow you, to keep the candle of the heritage of Snub Nose 3 always fresh in the minds of your decendents, and their decendents, unto the 38th generation.

Alas, our beloved homeland, The Frost-Encrusted Bordlerlands of Snub Nose v 1.2 will be no more, but in the memory of those who love her.

Good Bye, Remington County! Good Bye, City of Sten! Good Bye, Great Alkali Desert, and Northern Mountains of the Sky. Good Bye all that has been Snub Nosish (Snub Nosal? Snub Nasal? Snub Nostrillian?).

Oh, and last one to leave please remember to turn out the light.

'Seletije ines' against Shonar Bangla

In a surprise move, Siki Rej announced that a bunch of rather unknown players replace the Orange-Blues in the final match of the qualification. Siki Rej explains this by the abysmal performance of the Orange-Blues and by the need for changes. He said: "Hexatux asked for the changes after fixing a bug in her code. Maybe the fixing created another bug, but we are qualified anyways. I still have a backup."

Experts do not that much criticize the selection of the players, Kansu'he, Sike'he and the seleke are without doubt good players, but the term 'seletije' for the national team, which he uses, instead of the term 'junis-omeh'ny. One reporter at the press conference was overheard saying: "Seletije are the others, not we!"

Street In Group Final
Near-Knock Out Capitalizts With 2-2 Draw

It was only three years ago when the Street required a win against the Commerce Heights team on the last matchday to qualify for the second round, owing to a mess-up against supposedly weaker Lovisa. Now, however, the Street had the chance to pull one back against the team they have met a disproportionately large amount of times during the World Cup lately.

And despite an early setback, the Streetians were clearly the better team on the day. After the last 0-2 loss in the National, the team was determined to make life absolutely awful for Commerce Heights - who could make do with a draw against Oddslavo if they won this match. Although the System Karela was on breakdown, the team played decently in attack, and thanks to a header from Swytherton and a penalty from Moissanite, salvaged a 2-2 draw away in a key match-up.

The draw also means that theoretically, Cockbill Street can still win the group, which would contribute largely to a good ranking before World Cup Twenty-one. That, however, requires a win in the group final against Dance 2 Revolution - which was sold out about two days after ticket sales began - which is possible, but will be difficult, given the quality of the D2Rian side. Of particular danger is the 25-year-old Über, striker and general annoyance godmod, and midfielders Qwerty and Yurijionto, who will most likely be the key to their attacking play. Cockbill Street yet again need to trust their set pieces, as their team is most likely going to go out in a 5-4-1 formation in an attempt to get the one point - trusting Kansu Lyku, anyway.

In other news, Cockbill Street hope to host the next World Cup with Lethislavania, furthering the strong relations between the two countries. People in Vimesbairn have expressed their usual "yeah, whatever"s at this bid, saying that they probably won't win anyway.

Cockbill Street 2 (Swytherton 38, Moissanite pen 48)
Commerce Heights 2 (??? 19, ??? 41)

Jeruselem Government News

World Cup Armageddon or Heaven?

Group 3 is on tender hooks. It's Jeruselem vs Legalese for the 3rd spot while Eystrck a remote chance.

Now Eystrck need to win big (ie by a really big margin) and hope Jeruselem and Legalese lose their games preferably by a large margin. History says this will not happen. Legalese has good goal difference and this will put it through in this case.

Iansisle play Legalese and it's Jeruselem vs "the Crystils". Both will be tough games. Scenarios
=> Jeruselem and Legalese lose, Legalese are through
=> Jeruselem and Legalese draw, Legalese are through
=> Jeruselem lose and Legalese win, Legalese are through
=> Jeruselem lose and Legalese draw, Legalese are through
=> Jeruselem draw and Legalese win, Legalese are through

=> Jeruselem win and Legalese lose, Jeruselem are through
=> Jeruselem draw and Legalese lose, Jeruselem are through

=> Jeruselem and Legalese win, Legalese and Jeruselem are through! The Ians are out (not much chance of this scenario really)

Legalese is the more likely to take 3rd spot. The Ians only need a draw or win to confirm their position, but funny things do happen.

Will Jeruselem repeat the failure of World Cup 17? or will it do the miracle of World Cup 18 again? It's in God's hands.

OOC
This always happens to me :confused: ... except World Cup 19 :D

To: Alvin Ker <a_ker@asword.gov.rd>
From: Chris Gwee <cgwee@cnfc.org.rd>
Subject: MD12 and 13
Sent at: 27 January (some year) 1957h GMT

Well, it's hard to say if everything is going as planned. Yesterday's match was certainly a surprise. 3-2 against Audioslavia! Who'd thought that could be achieved? Well, I'm glad that our boys were the ones that stopped Audioslavia in their tracks after a long while. Ian, Hendrique and Nakamura did well to keep us one step ahead most of the time. This is a win that we had most certainly needed, at least we can have an easier time getting in to the 1st round.

As for Wella, well, I thought it could've been better, but it was only a 1-1 draw... a win would have probably locked our position. It's very perilous at the moment, but as long as we continue fighting and seal a win against Snub Nose 38, all will be well.

Which now brings up a very good question. Last I heard, Snub Nose 38 has sunk into the sea because of some tectonic mishaps. So how are they going to host our game?? Would anyone care to explain how they would host the game?? Or will it be hosted right here in ORD?? Hmmm...or maybe they'd like to forfeit.. heh heh, that will be nice. Ermm, anyway, I don't know what has been arranged. Have you made any arrangements with the former Guy Currently in Charge of Stuff for (the sunken) Frost-Free Borderlands of Snub Nose 38?

Y'know what? This is crap, I say. we've RP'ed more than anyone else in our group. [Correct me if I'm wrong.] THEN WE TIE A TEAM MUCH WORSE THAN US! AIIIIIIEEEEEEEEEEE!

-JFF

Y'know what? This is crap, I say. we've RP'ed more than anyone else in our group. [Correct me if I'm wrong.] THEN WE TIE A TEAM MUCH WORSE THAN US! AIIIIIIEEEEEEEEEEE!

-JFF

OOC

Still trying to work out how we lose three in row (to lower ranked) and then beat the 14th seed 2-0 :confused:

Y'know what? This is crap, I say. we've RP'ed more than anyone else in our group. [Correct me if I'm wrong.] THEN WE TIE A TEAM MUCH WORSE THAN US! AIIIIIIEEEEEEEEEEE!

-JFF

Aiiieee! Add this one to the ever growing list of proof why the form bonus is better than the current bonus :)

President Margaret Smith and his unnamed helper are in the President's Office in Cefn disscussing recent events.

President Smith: "So you say the intelligence guy has landed?"

Unnamed helper: "He called to say so three hours ago."

President Smith: "So he's in Alan City, right?"

Unnamed helper: "That's right."

President Smith: "And the plan is to capture Alan Belmore after their game with Melmond, yes?"

Unnamed helper: "Indeed it is."

President Smith: "Why are we doing this again?"

Unnamed helper: "To get ourselves a rival, sir. If we capture one of the most significant people any nation's ever had, there's no way they'd be anything but our rivals."

President Smith: "Indeed."

Unnamed helper: "He said he'd e-mail you from his magic spy gadgety type thing when he's done it."

President Smith: "Well let's get on the computer right away, see if he's done the deed!"

Unnamed helper: "Sir, the game is not until tonight."

President Smith: "Oh. Hmmm. It appears that I do have an e-mail."

Unnamed helper: "You do?"

President Smith: "Yes. It's from a guy called Alvin Ker in One Red Dot."

Unnamed helper: "What does it say?"

President Smith: "It says, 'As your nation is hosting World Cup 20, we thought you might be able to help us. We've heard that Snub Nose 38 has been submerged due to some tectonic anomoly...' Is that true?"

Unnamed helper: "Apparently so, sir."

President Smith: "That's bad, that. Anyway. 'We have contacted The Guy Currently in Charge of Stuff for the Frost-Free Borderlands of Snub Nose 38...' who's he?"

Unnamed helper: "He's kind of like you, sir."

President Smith: "Fat, old and bald?"

Unnamed helper: "No, like a presidential type figure."

President Smith: "Oh. Well... 'We don't know if he'll be getting back to us, what with him not having much land to be in charge of any more. Well, not without breathing apperatus, anyway. Just in case...' Is he from Snub Nose 38?"

Unnamed helper: "I believe he was, sir. But this is actually the words, not the name."

President Smith: "Ah. 'Just in case they can't help, is there anything you can do for us? Yours, Alvin Ker' Well, is there?"

Unnamed helper: "Well... I suppose there could be."

President Smith: "And that is..."

Unnamed helper: "I'll reply on your behalf."



To: Alvin Ker <a_ker@asword.gov.rd>
From: President Margaret Smith of Druida <smiffy@presidentialoffice.gov.dr>
Subject: Snub Nose 38 v One Red Dot
Sent at: 28 January 2010 D.Y. (Druid Years) 1149h CMT

We've had a little idea here. Of course, if yourselves and the Frost-Free Borderlands (can you still get frost underwater?) of Snub Nose 38 can't come to any kind of agreement, Druida has sent quite possibly the biggest ship in it's fleet towards where Snub Nose 38 used to be, so that your two teams can use it for your game.

Of course, your players might get a little sea sickness, but hey, at least you'll get your game played. Well, as long as the vessel makes it on time. Don't worry, we'll make sure there's grass and posts and lines and everything else you'll need for the game. Of course, I'm not sure how the fans will get there, but then, I guess we could pick them up on the way or something.

Anyway, I hope you can come up with some sort of agreement between you.

Yours,

President M. Smith of Druida.

To: Alvin Ker <a_ker@asword.gov.rd>
From: Chris Gwee <cgwee@cnfc.org.rd>
Subject: MD12 and 13
Sent at: 27 January (some year) 1957h GMT

Well, ......It's very perilous at the moment, but as long as we continue fighting and seal a win against Snub Nose 38, all will be well.

Which now brings up a very good question. Last I heard, Snub Nose 38 has sunk into the sea because of some tectonic mishaps. So how are they going to host our game?? Would anyone care to explain how they would host the game?? Or will it be hosted right here in ORD?? Hmmm...or maybe they'd like to forfeit.. heh heh, that will be nice. Ermm, anyway, I don't know what has been arranged. Have you made any arrangements with the former Guy Currently in Charge of Stuff for (the sunken) Frost-Free Borderlands of Snub Nose 38?
Message to the Football Association of One Red Dot
From One of the 38 Guys left in the Frosted-Over Borderlands of Snub Nose 0.082

Sir/Madam/Other (please select appropriate honorific):

To paraphrase from Monty Python..."We're not dead yet."

It will be several weeks...well, at least several days (ok, so maybe it's hours - we can play a match in a couple of hours) before our revered motherland slips slowly beneath the waves forever.

Or crashes into the sea - we're not sure exactly how that's going to go.

Whatever - the point is, the practice pitch for the Sten High School Football Squad (who used to be "The Revolvers") remains high and dry. Well, dry anyway. Okay, so it's a little squishy - just wear longer than usual spikes, for pete's sake!

We have no intention of forfeiting what will be the final football match ever played on the fields of Snub Nose 0.0027. The Hooligans will be there - along with a couple of large helicopters for the flight out after the match. We recommend your side fly in by helicopter as well, and keep 'em running during the match - you know, just in case.

We've been told the Hooligan Cheerleaders intend to show up at half-time - provided there is a half-time. Of course, with them, you never know. We do know they're not currently incarcerated in the Remington County Jail, as the Remington County Jail is under about 3 feet of water at this writing.

So, bring on your Singular Crimson Circle! We'll be waitin'!

Sincerly,
Beverly's Nurse

Matchday 14 Results & Final Group Tables are up... now! (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showthread.php?p=8048560#post8048560)

Tides crest to home win in finale

All in all, Talzecki supporters don't have much to complain about. Coming in as an unranked side with zero international experience and facing teams like Kaze Progressa and Adam Island, most realistic fans figured their team would be lucky to win one or two matches. They also figured to finish dead last in their group.

However, in spite of struggling at home and one of the worst goal differentials among teams in World Cup 20 qualifying, the Tides managed their fourth win of the season and just their first at home, defeating GT-R 2-1 at Tide Field in Talzeckia City behind goals by reserve forward Dale Cooper and midfielder Brooke Forsythe to offset a goal by GT-R forward Horace Matthews.

"We decided we would use [defender] Jeff Randle on Matthews and not try to double- or triple-team him," Coach Avid Mashoda said. "The problem with defending a guy like that is that he can disrupt your tactics enough to force you to stop doing the things you do well. We decided we'd put our best man-marker on him and hope we can keep him from lighting things up."

The Tides (4-2-8, 14 points, sixth place in Group 7) finished the first half trailing 1-0 and the four man backline decided to adjust. Instead of just hoping Randle could contain Matthews by himself, they borrowed a page from Fmjphoenix's marking strategy against Sarzonian forward Brian Wilson: They pressured him every time he got the ball and Forsythe got under his skin enough to draw a yellow card in the 56th minute. Four minutes later, Forsythe took full advantage, beating defender Geovanni to the ball and burying a shot past Alfred Woods to draw the match even at 1-1.

"We just had to play aggressively," Forsythe said. "That's what turned the game around."

Cooper completed the turnaround in the 74th minute thanks to tentative marking by Matthews, who was playing like a man concerned about drawing a second yellow card. He skied for a header that skimmed over Woods' outstretched right hand and gave the Tides a lead at home for the first time. When the final whistle sounded, the Tides celebrated their final match of World Cup 20 as if they had won the World Cup title.

"It feels so good to win here at home on the seventh try," goalkeeper Nick Reynolds said. "We felt bad because we couldn't win in front of our supporters, but we now go into the offseason on a bit of a high note."

Talzeckia may have to wait many years before they can celebrate a World Cup title or even play in the Finals, but on this day at least, they could celebrate some tangible achievements. The Tides had nearly a third of the 11 total wins by the unranked teams in the tournament and was the only unranked team not to finish last in its group. They also defeated the world's eight ranked team Kaze Progressa away and played them to a draw at home. Even more important, they established themselves as a budding footballing nation as they are trying to establish themselves as an independent country.

"We've got our own football identity now," Mashoda said. "We're trying to create our own identity as a nation. This can only help."

Not quite
Black and Red derailed by Ianisle, 2-0; Jeruselem win puts them in over MNT

Francis Town, Legalese

Never has Legalese National Stadium been so packed. With every seat on the place sold, standing-room only tickets were issued, adding an extra 500 to the sold out capacity of over 84,000. Meanwhile, in Legalese City, a game-watching party, put on by Soccer Legalese in The Castle, drew another 60,000 fans. All were ready to witness history, as the Black and Red were on the verge of their first trip to the World Cup final.

Sadly, it was not to be. Bill Simpson and Henry Cotton caused the trouble, as Ianisle's goalscorers in the 2-0 shutout. Furthermore, Jeruselem jumped out two an early 2-0 lead with group winners Crystilakere. Legalese's chances improved with a furious run by Crystilakere, knotting the game up at 2 apiece, with minutes left. However, a Jeruselem goal in extra time ended the hopes, leaving the 84,000-plus at Legalese National in stunned silence.

Legalese comes out of qualifying as the 2nd-highest non-qualifier in the goal differential column, tied with Snub Nose (very little, if any) at +7. Jeruselem, as the third entrant from group 3, has conceded the most goals of any qualifier, with 21.

What will be next for Legalese? Their streak of two consecutive Cup of Harmony Finals Appearances remains unbroken, giving the Black and Red a chance to possibly haul home that trophy. Only time will tell as to the next direction for a team that is just a little too short.

He surveyed the apartment. It was shabby, but ideal for his purpose. After all, he didn’t plan to stay long.

“Bring it over here.” The box was handed over to him by one of his compatriots. As he opened it, he breathed in the smell of the metal – how he loved it. It reminded him of life back home, where acts such as the one he was about to perform were commonplace. Not so here, he thought to himself. Here, one could not breathe without someone wondering why. It was something dating back to when the country had been part of the Republic of Georgia, he suspected. He had had to be doubly careful in this place, as even the slightest slip would have alerted the authorities to his cause. Now, however, he was past all that, and the end was in sight.

***

It was time. It had been a long two weeks, but the ride was almost over. On reflection, it perhaps had not been as bad a tournament as first perceived – after all, they were going to surpass Maserrat’s first, and last, World Cup points total with the almost certain win over Nevigrad. They had congregated in the holo-room to await the last ever score update of their World Cup 20 campaign, and everybody seemed to be at ease. He spotted Moira Jackson over by the coffee and made his way over there.

“Hey Moira, getting some coffee?”

“Yeah, I sure am.”

“Could you pour me some? I promise I won’t burn myself this time.” She laughed her laugh; the laugh that he had come to know and love, along with the rest of Moira Jackson. It had always been there, deep down inside, but it was only now starting to blossom, like a flower in the springtime. She poured an extra cup and passed it over the table, and as their hands met, Emmett knew what he had to do.

“Moira?”

“Yeah?”

“I’m…you know…look, I’m free next week, and I was wondering - ”

Jingle bells, jingle bells, jingle all the way!

“Oh, wait a minute, Emmett, the score’s coming up.” She moved closer to the screen, away from him. He felt annoyed with himself for not just getting the idea out there, but realised that perhaps a win against Nevigrad would make her more inclined to accept his more-than-generous invitation. He’d wait until after the score. He followed Moira to where a group of employees (probably assistants or secretaries, or indeed both) were holding hands in a tight line in front of the screen. This is it, he thought to himself, the moment of truth.

***

He’d be in the center of the department now – the score was about to come up. The holo-room was supposed to be a secret, but his informant had been most useful in that respect.

Click.

Everything was now set. He sat down in front of the window. It was single-glazed, and he judged he’d be able to hear the cheers or groans of the SOFA employees. He fixed his eyes on Devoll’s office, and ran through the plan one final time in his head.

***

Latest World Cup Score

Nevigrad 0
South Osettia 2

***

The score was through. As he had hoped, he could hear the noise above the traffic below. A few hugs, a few kisses, and then Devoll would move back into his office to collect his things, just like he’d been told. He’d see him any second now.

***

“I’m just going to get my things from the office, then I’ll be off.” As he turned to walk down the corridor, Moira grabbed his shoulder.

“Wait, what was it you wanted to ask me?” Emmett turned back and looked into her eyes. He saw respect, and he saw friendship, but he didn’t see love; he didn’t see what he wanted to see – he couldn’t ask her, could he?

“Er…um…oh, it doesn’t matter now. See you tomorrow, Moira – we’ve got another World Cup to prepare for.” He let her hand fall to her side before he turned and made his way to his office. He collected his briefcase and coat, thinking of how close he had come to asking her. Now he would have to wait.

***

There he was. He could see him without even having to get up. He grabbed his briefcase and took his coat off the hook on the wall before turning off the light and closing the door. Now perhaps a few goodbyes before making his way down the stairs to the lobby. After all, he never used the elevator.

***

“Emmett?” It was Polly.

“Hey, Polly. Enjoying the party?”

“Emmett, why didn’t you ask her out?”

“Excuse me?”

“Moira Jackson? Why didn’t you ask her out?”

“I wasn’t - ”

“Oh, come on, Emmett. It’s pretty obvious you’re transfixed with her. Look, there she is. She’s getting in the elevator. You’ll have to run if you want to catch up with her.” Emmett looked at Moira, then at Polly, then back at Moira. He made his decision fast. He ran, shouting back as he did so.

“’Night, Polly!”

“’Night, Emmett! See you tomorrow…hopefully.”

***

He’d be coming down the stairs now. It would be a few minutes until he got down to the ground, but it was best to be prepared. He pointed at one of his men and then pointed at the door.

“Get down there. Make sure you’re ready when he comes out. Hurry!” He hurried, something that made him smile – it was good to exert such power over men. It made him feel strong – just as he needed to feel strong now. He opened the window and let the cool night air wash over him. Then he looked at the ground just in time to see the man get into position at the end of the street. Just a few more minutes…

***

“Oh, hey Emmett. I thought you took the stairs.”

“Tonight, I’m making an exception. Moira, there’s something I’ve been meaning to ask you for a while now.”

“And what would that be, Emmett?” She stared at him expectantly, and he knew it was now or never.

“Moira, I’m free next weekend, so if you’re not doing anything, how about we go out for a meal and a movie, or something.” She looked a little shocked, and he thought he’d blown it. But then she smiled at him.

“I’d like that very much.”

“Really?”

“Yeah. And afterwards, perhaps we could make our own motion picture.” Was she serious? Emmett didn’t have time to consider the options, as she pulled his head towards hers, and they engaged in a long moment of passion, right there in the elevator. Before they knew it, they were at the ground floor, and the doors had opened, revealing their exploits for all to see. Embarrassed, but happy, they grabbed hands and ran out onto the street, through the big glass doors.

***

“What?” He was early – sickeningly early. He must have caught the elevator with this girl. He looked down the street to see his man staring back at him. He made a motion towards Devoll and the girl and then shrugged. He got a nod in reply. The game was afoot. He watched as his man walked towards the couple, and then as he got within a few feet of them, stumble and fall over, landing right in front of them. Perfect.

***

“Hey, are you alright, buddy?” He and Moira pulled the man onto his feet and started to dust him off.

“You didn’t drop anything, did you?” As Emmett started into the man’s eyes, he realised something was wrong. The stare he got back wasn’t one of gratitude, but one of sheer hatred. Something definitely wasn’t right here. The man ducked back down as if to tie his shoelace, and as he moved out of his line of vision, that’s when Emmett saw the glint of metal from the apartment across the street.

***

Whilst all of this had been going on, he had brought his sniper rifle up and set the sights on Devoll’s heart. The fact that Devoll was practically still made things all the easier, and as his man on the ground ducked, he knew had a clear shot. It was then that he realised Devoll was staring right at him, not that it really mattered now. It was already far too late for him.

***

Three shots broke the relative peace of the night, and as Emmett fell to the ground, and the blood started to soak his shirt, Moira screamed, attracting the attention of all in the near vicinity that hadn’t already been alerted by the shots. A crowd quickly gathered around what to them was just another fallen man. A woman pushed her way to the front of the crowd.

“Out of my way – I’m a nurse!” She crouched down beside Emmett, who was still conscious, but only just. Moira was frantically trying to stop the bleeding, but not doing the best of jobs.

“Is he going to live? Is he going to live!?!” It was at that point that Emmett blacked out.

***

The perfect crime, Darius thought. He quickly took the gun apart and put it back in the box, which he then handed back to his compatriot.

“Come, let us go. Our job here is done, and Bob will be proud of us.”

***

“Is he dead?” one of the members of the crowd asked. The nurse put two fingers to Emmett’s neck, looked back at the crowd, and then at Moira.

“I have some news for you, ma’am.”

TO BE CONTINUED IN WC21

(OOC: Oooh, I love cliffhangers! Well, that’s all from me for now, which I’m sure you’re all really pleased about. I had fun…well, towards the end anyway. Look forward to a brand new host of characters in WC21, as well as finding out whether Emmett survives or not. For now, goodbye!)

Y'know what? This is crap, I say. we've RP'ed more than anyone else in our group. [Correct me if I'm wrong.] THEN WE TIE A TEAM MUCH WORSE THAN US! AIIIIIIEEEEEEEEEEE!

-JFF

Before our match, I RPed, you RPed! My RP was longer and more detailed than yours! result: Draw 1-1
Heck i'm 5th, failed to qualify! Two teams that barely RP, one simply without a roster are in front of me

I'm not happy at the way this ended for my team, you (51th in ranking ) qualified and I (been between 22-25 for the last 4 cups) didnt, what the hell are you complaining about?

Stars stop bleeding but finish third again

WOODSTOCK (ASP) -- Sarzonian national football team Coach Dave Wilson has a problem on his hands. Even though the world's fifth ranked Total 'n Utter Insanity side only managed one standings point in two matches against the Stars, the 0-0 draw between the teams at sold-out Hendrix Stadium, the Stars have only one point in their last three matches and lost three of their last five matches heading into the Finals.

"It's absolutely a cause for concern," Wilson said after the match. "The last two times in World Cup qualifying, we haven't been able enter the Finals with the kind of momentum we've wanted. We want to be able to finish as strongly as we start these World Cups."

The Stars (9-2-3, 29 points) couldn't have started much better, not losing their first match of qualifying for World Cup XX until Matchday 10, when they were 8-0-1 entering the match against Haperd. That was the best start for the team since they began their first-ever World Cup qualifying effort 4-0-4 in World Cup XVI qualifying.

Still, Wilson rued several missed opportunities, including his son Brian's point blank shot in the 58th minute that hit the Insanician goalkeeper in the groin and caromed to a defender. The team's best chance came in the 82nd minute when midfielder Henrik Bastale's diving header met the dive of the reserve goalkeeper who replaced the injured starter. Sarzonia fired nine shots on goal to TnUI's five and won the possession battle 51-39.

"We outplayed them here, and we beat them away," Bastale said. "But we would have won the group if we beat them here too. This hurts."

The beautiful coastal city of Someplace-in-Wella is playing host to the last qualifying match of World Cup 20. Wella and Audioslavia are battling it out, the Wellans with all guns blazing in desperation as a win would see them through. Theyre currently ahead 2-1 as the second half begins. Ernie, a very old and bald Audioslavian is watching the game right from the top of the stands, next to a younger, 20-something Audioslavian called Greg.

Ernie: This is more like it.

Greg: What? We're losing

Ernie: Ex-ACT-ly, 2-1 down against a crappy team, just like the old days

Greg: But... were getting beat... and youre happy?

Ernie: This is the happiest i've been in years young lad! All those years of us beating this team and that were horrible

Greg: Why? Why? We just got the final last time, we could win the bugger this time round!

Ernie: Exxactly! All this bloody stupid happiness! Its turned our country into a land of bed-wetting goons. You don't know what its like son, to have to struggle! To get hammered 4-0 by newbs and sit in a lonely place and watch your team scrape a 1-1 draw with a team comprised solely of warlocks and vikings. THAT my friend, was football.

Greg: But it...

Ernie: Don't give me that bullshit. Since we've started winning Cornellby has become a city of bloody yuppies, with your coffee bars and shit. Its like paris. Or milan.

Greg: Paris? Milan? What? Where the fuck is Paris and Milan?

Ernie: Oh theyre foreign places full of ponces just like Cornellby. Bloody wasters. You can tell though.

Greg: Tell what?

Ernie: You can tell when a place is popular because it becomes too expensive to live there. My house has gone up by ten million quids since World Cup 12. Ten million.

Greg: Well i think its fine, its lovely. Cornellby isn't that expensive.

Ernie: Youuuuuuu wanker. Do you even live there.

Greg: Yes... well.. no... i commute.

Ernie: From where?

Greg: From Ayleston.

Ernie: Ayleston? Ayleston!? Thats bloody two-hundred miles away you twat!

Greg: Well yes, well yes its a five-hour commute but... i have a nice place. I have a lovely apartment, 2 feet by 2 feet, £15,000 a week, its smashing.

Ernie: ....wanker. Awwww fuck

Greg: YES! YES Get in! GET IN! ALLY MARRIOT YOU BEAUTY! 2-2! Only one sides gonna win it now

Ernie: Damn right. The poofs.

Greg: Oh for fuc... why are they poofs just because they win at football.

Ernie: Look at him, Ally fuckin Marriot, long blonde hair, looks like a girl he does. Never had that sort in the old days, when ORD beat us 3-0. Thems were the days. I wonder how theyre doing now, against Snub Nose.

Ernie turns and looks around. From his position at the very top he can see right out to the sea.

A thousand miles away, the Shrinking Decimals of Snub Nose are playing what will be their last ever professional match of football. The eleven 38ers... oops, forgot to carry the 1... the eleven 3.8ers are battling hard against One Red Dot (who, last time i checked, weren't shrinking and so were still just One) and are leading by two goals to nil. Snub Nose 38 are winning? Surely not! But yes, its true. This is mainly thanks to their impressive sloping pitch. In fact, it seems to slope more and more as the game goes on. If we went into extra time here, the two teams would probably have to play upside down.

The lead isn't expected to last for long however as the teams have already swapped halves for the second period and now its One Red Dot attacking the down-hill goal. Aha, there we go. 2-1, 85th minute. Only a matter of time now surely.

The park on which the Who-ligans play is surrounded by people of many nationalities, all wanting to watch Snub Nose's last ever game. These people are, of course, rich, and have their private helicopters ready to escort them away once the shit hits the fan/sea. One of these people is called Charles. He is Audioslavian. He is standing next to a man. The man seems to be of snub-nosian origin, as one can tell by his aura of sarcasm.

Charles: Oh well done One Red Dot! Bravo! Unlucky Snubbies!

Man: Please, please don't call them snubbies.

Charles: Very sorry old chap. My name is Charles, Charles Degaulairport. pleased to meet you.

Man: I'm Ewan. Ewan Hoosarmy.

Charles: Well hello there Ewan. Are you from Snub Nose 38?

Ewan: No, i just decided to get born, live and die here.

Charles: Oh... well.. well thats lovely. Wait.. doesn't that make you Snubbian?

Ewan mutters something under his breath before looking back at the field. It appears Bobby Stevenson has fouled Ian Xessol in the penalty area after reading him an excerpt from 'Ollala' which forced Xessol to fall asleep in sheer despair. Ewan groans as ORD striker Jerry Bander goes up to take the penalty.

Everyone in the Shrinking Decimals of Snub Nose, and every Snub Nose 3.8er watching in their refugee camps, cross their fingers. At the same time.

The 'Butterfly Effect' (is that the one about a butterfly flapping its wings and causing a hurricane, or the one that gets trodden on in that novel and causes the modern world to be irrevocably changed? i can never remember) comes into full... effect, and the mini hurricane, the size of an over-fed chaffinch, causes the island of Snub Nose to tilt. The 38 fault decides to stop being at fault and start taking the blame, and it cracks. The Shrinking Decimal of Snub Nose begins the transition to becoming The Rapidly Increasing Negative Integers of Snub Nose.

Bander's penalty is saved by the Snub Nose goalkeeper, but at that moment he gets swept into his own goal by the mini-hurricane, and One Red Dot equalise. The referee blows the final whislte, and everyone in Snub Nose Zero buggers off sharpish before the event horizon.

The Butterfly Effect gives away to the more scary 'Bathtub Effect' as lots of water gets displaced from the 38 Fault. But where will this water go? And where will the numbers go? You can't just 'lose' numbers, they have to go somewhere, and so all around the world, certain countries start to change. Nastic, having dropped the '2' off of the end of their name all those years ago, start to grow it again. Dance 3 Revolution are equally as stunned, as are Praying 4 God who start to think they now have to pray because god can't be arsed. The, now-defunct, nation of 1900s Oglethorpia start to modernise, whilst One Red Dot suddenly reproduce a-sexually and become Two Red Dots.

Meanwhile, in Audioslavia, the 'slaves have took the lead and are just in the process of adding a fourth through Jussi Oskari. Ernie turns away in disgust and looks back out to sea. "hmm" he thinks... "the tide has come in quite quickly"

*ORD and SN38, feel free to ignore the bit on your game, i was just very bored writing this and decided to fuck around :)*

*****ASPN WORLD CUP XX SPECIAL REPORT*****

*as we surf the channels we come upon the asteroid sports network (aspn). we haven’t caught one of their broadcasts in quite a while, so, against our better judgement, we pause to watch. the theme music, as usual, is completely inappropriate to any kind of sporting event, and almost enough to make us continue surfing the channels. but…we notice that, side by side on the wall behind our intrepid reporter is a one red dot jersey, and a snub nose 38 hooligan jersey. are they still around? our reporter begins her commentary.*

Well, sports fans, the Hooligans are out of it. Out of World Cup 20, because they again failed to qualify, and out of World Cup competition in general, as the entire country has…well…it just isn’t there anymore.

The Hooligans final match was played earlier today against the Wolves of ORD, managed by Chris Gwee, at the practice pitch of the Sten High School Revolvers. Well, to be accurate, it was played at and over the pitch .

The match started inauspiciously enough with a red card being issued to the Hooligans Manager, Amada Wrekonwith, who slapped the Referee just before the match was to begin. We understand Amanda is filing a sexual harassment lawsuit – but that’s another story. Paddy O’Furniture, Assistant Manager for the Hooligans, had to handle the side for the match.

The field, as you can plainly see, was quite damp.

*cut to a view of the pitch, which is…damp? damp my aunt matilda’s underdrawers – that pitch is sopping wet! and seems to be a large part of a very small island – all that is left, in fact, of the once proud frost-free borderlands of snub nose 38. around the field we note the land slopes away into the sea in all directions. and out there, at sea, we see a large number of spectators – in a wide variety of water craft. we note several nice looking yachts, two houseboats, a three masted schooner, a number of rowboats, three or four canoes, and quite a few small craft. anchored behind them is what appears to be a rather large cruise ship. our reporter continues her story.*

The match got underway on time, and was initially a battle of wets…er…wits, as both sides jockeyed for some sort of postitional advantage. Within minutes it was clear that the sides were fairly evenly matched, that the players were soaking wet, and the pitch was…well… was slowly…sinking.

At the 10 minute mark Hooligans forward Rowdy Yates took a pass from midfielder Bobby L. Stevenson, and headed it for what appeared to be a sure goal, until the Wolves keeper, Reggie Stenia, blocked it away with his fingertips as he dove across the face of his net.

* we see rowdy yates’ header, and reggie stenias’ great fingertip save. reggie lands in an inch of water and splutters as he recovers his ability to breath.*

In the 27th minute the Wolves nearly scored on a neat give-and-go pass from Mikey Wrenning to Cuthbert Siphen, and back, that got around Hooligan defender Ishmael, who seemed to be pre-occupied, starring out to sea, searching for something. But his fellow defender Feziwig managed to head Cuthbert’s stike out for a corner. Wrenning took the corner, which was masterfully defended by Whisperin’ Smith.

*we see – well, we see that. What is Ishmael looking for? A whale?*

Then, in the 43rd minute, Siphen took a shot from about 28 yards out, and slipped in past Harcourt Fenton Mudd, in goal for the Hooligans. Mudd dove for it, and came up without the ball, but covered in…mud…(oh, give me a break. It was there, and I hadda use it…)

1 – 0 Wolves.

And that’s how the first half ended.

As the players left the pitch for half time, and began milling about looking for the locker rooms that no longer existed, having sunk a few days ago, what to our surprise did appear but…(no, not a minature sleigh and eight tiny reindeer)…the Hooligan Cheerleaders!

*we watch as the cheerleaders are airlifted in by chopper. they splash their way to midfield, take up their time honored “38” formation, and begin to cheer.*

“Hooligans, Hooligans, Hip Hip Hooray!
Hooligans’ll beat the Crimson Circle today!
One Red Dot – is that all they’ve got?
Remember what they say –
“Who’s Afraid of Virginia Wolf?” anyway!
One Red DOLT, ya mean!”

*at this point the camera picks up several of the watercraft moving in closer, and the traditional vegetable toss begins. we notice that the “tossers” are about half wolves fans and half hooligans fans. we see cabbages (?), lemons, a bunch of bananas, cucumbers, sea cucumbers, several giant zucchinis, and a very large evisceratomatoe that goes “splat” as it approaches the snub nostrillians. there goes the kitchen sink! and, the traditional volkswagon. the cheerleaders suddenly realize there is no where to run on this small island. just as it seems to be getting out of hand, an old PT Boat with the number “109” on the side pulls in close, the sheriff of Remington county jumps ashore with his deputies, and they round up the hooligan cheerleaders and haul them off in handcuffs. all of which ends just in time for the second half.*

Folks, as we start the second half, we can’t help but notice the entire pitch is now under between 1 and 3 inches of water. The ball tends to go a bit slower under these conditions. But, almost immediately, in the 46th minute, Hooligans striker Murphy Brown lofts one just over the outstretched arms of the Wolves keeper, caught a little too far out of the net, and ties the score at 1 – 1.

The match continues on an even keel for the next 15 minutes, when suddenly the pitch tilts a little to one side – creating one side where the out of bounds line is about a 1 ½ feet under water, the other side about 1 foot above the waterline. As everyone is recovering from the shock, Hooligans midfielder and captain Jimmy Thurber “sloshes” the ball into the Wolves net for second Hooligans goal. The Hooligans celebration almost drowns several of them, as well as several of the Wolves. The referee rides over on his Jet-ski and issues yellow cards to Nate Hawthorne and Danny Defoe, and the match goes on.

In the 79th minute, with the water level now about a 3 feet on the “down”side, and 2 feet on the “up”side, the match is halted by the referee due to a suspicious looking fin circling about twenty feet to starboard. The Sheriff of Remington County motors over in his PT Boat, and determines that it is NOT a shark, but rather a Giant Evil Spider with his feet strapped to a surfboard, inverted. The Sheriff arrests him (her?) on the spot for impersonating a dangerous sea-going carnivore, and the match is allowed to continue.

*we see…oh, you know, what i just described. what did you expect?*

In the last minutes of the match, play was reduced to what can only be described as a water-polo match, as “footballers” were forced to swim, the pitch now between 4 and 6 feet below the surface. In some cases, they were forced to swim around spectator water-craft that were beginning to impinge on the … pitch?

In the last seconds of added time, as the Hooligans looked to win the match, Archer Terkitman swam with the ball from his mid”field” position, around Hooligan defender Feziwig, and past Harry Mudd into the net as the final whistle blew.

Final Score: ONE RED DOT WOLVES 2 – SNUB NOSE 38 HOOLIGANS 2

*we watch as the two sides are air-lifted, dripping wet, out of the sea to fly home. well, the wolves would fly home. the hooligans would fly…somewhere…to begin life anew as citizens of…well…citizens of where ever they happened to land.*

*as they prepare to fly away from the submerged borderlands of snub nose 38 forever, the hooligans helicopter dips low over the water, and captain jimmy thurber leans out, and drops a wreath gently into the snub nose sea.*

*****THIS HAS BEEN YOUR FINAL ASPN WORLD CUP SPECIAL REPORT*****

ooc: ah, well, what would nswc be without some sort of controversy? audios (which, by the way, i rather like - in fact, i think it's better'n mine) wasn't here when i started writing, and i simply posted what i wrote. so - take your pick. the legend of snub nose 0.00007 ends one way...or the other...or...well, you decide.

Vikings defeated in home closer, prepare for Cup of Harmony

With a lite strike by Vanessa Carpenter in the 88th minute, Bedistan sealed the match and defeated a subdued Fmjphoenix team 1-0 in its last match of World Cup XX. With the loss, the Vikings ended its hope of having a higher win total than loss, but do not look at this run as bad.

"I feel we made some progress in more than just standings. I feel the team has gotten much more comfortable with themselves. Also, we were able to hang with high teams with more ease than last cup. I have a feeling that next year will be our yeat. And plus, its not fully over, we still have the Cup of Harmony to play in." Coach Wash told reporters after the match.

This was mostly a defensive struggle, as neither team could get many shots off. Fmjphoenix only managed 4 to Bedistans 7. After crossing over on Tra Miranda, Carpenter took a shot that could only be described as bueatiful, it shattered anything that was in the last match between these two. Powell Lamar talked about it after the match and was amazed.

"It was a great shot. It looked so good and there was absolutely no way I could get it. Just great." Were his remarks

Fmjphoenix ends its qualification run sitting at 6 wins 2 draws and 6 loss and 20 points and fourth place, the same as it did in World Cup XIX, except it has two less losses due to only play 12 matches then. The Vikings came close again, but came up a little short. Seeing as they are no longer in, the Vikings wishes all sides that advanced the best of luck, especialy to thsoe of the Atlantian Oceania, hoping for the champion to be from the region again. Look for Fmjphoenix, who is pairing up with Legalese to to bid for hosting of the Cup of Harmony.

Fmjphoenix: 0
(None)

Bedistan: 1
(Carpenter 88)


World Cup XX Qualification:
MD01: Fmjphoenix vs. Nouveau Richelieu Win 4-2
MD02: Fmjphoenix @ Haperd Lose 1-2
MD03: Fmjphoenix vs. Qia Lose 0-1
MD04: Fmjphoenix @ Ninurta Win 4-1
MD05: Fmjphoenix @ Sarzonia Lose 2-3
MD06: Fmjphoenix vs. Total n Utter Insanity Lose 0-3
MD07: Fmjphoenix @ Bedistan Win 2-1
------------------------------------------------
MD08: Fmjphoenix @ Noveau Richelieu Win 2-1
MD09: Fmjphoenix vs. Hapred Win 2-1
MD10: Fmjphoenix @ Qia Draw 1-1
MD11: Fmjphoenix vs. Ninurta Draw 1-1
MD12: Fmjphoenix vs. Sarzonia Win 3-2
MD13: Fmjphoenix @ Total n Utter Insanity Lose 1-3
MD14: Fmjphoenix vs. Bedistan Lose 0-1
Record: 6-2-6

Maeda launches scathing attack at team

The Revolutionary team as a whole was on the end of a ruthless attack by manager Maeda, after failing to look like a team ranked 2nd for even a minute of the 90 against Cockbill Street.

Maeda watched from the sidelines as Dance 2 Revolution were ran ragged around the pitch by a Streetian side which had annoyed the revolutionaries on too many occasions before.

'3-0 does not fully describe how disgracefully the team performed yesterday' Said Maeda in a press conference in Cockbill Street. 'If we play anything like we played in that match in any period after now, there is no chance of us getting credit that we have fought for in the past.'

'Our team is more experienced than it was in World Cup 19, yet showed more weaknesses than additional strengths' commented Maeda.

Maeda will be hoping to get the team concentrated through friendlies over the rest period between qualifying and the group stage. Maeda also commented that he was not afraid to drop key players to the team if they did not play to the standard expected of them in their next match.

Before our match, I RPed, you RPed! My RP was longer and more detailed than yours! result: Draw 1-1
Heck i'm 5th, failed to qualify! Two teams that barely RP, one simply without a roster are in front of me

I'm not happy at the way this ended for my team, you (51th in ranking ) qualified and I (been between 22-25 for the last 4 cups) didnt, what the hell are you complaining about?

Umm... I wasn't referring to my game with you... I was referring to my amount of RP's compared to Spurland and Irenadia.

Listen, I was glad to tie you.

Anyways, I'm sorry - I wanted you to qualify.

Rp to come later.

VILÄMNA DAGENS NYHETER

NEW LOOK LIGHTNING TAKING AIM AT FINAL FOUR
New formation, new players post best overall qualifying record

- With qualifying now done, the Svecikan players are looking forward to spending their summer playing voetbal. Questions were raised after last World Cup, which saw Svecia get knocked out after the first round. Five of the starters retired, including the stars at every position on the field. Fans and players alike wondered how the rookies would far against the powerful international sides. So far things are looking good for Svecia.

A move from the traditional 4-3-3 formation to the more possession oriented 3-5-2, a move that many of the older players say they feel more comfortable with, resulted in a massive output of goals. In what probably was head coach Piet van Meer´s best move, he made former defender Tomas Kristiansand the new captain and moved him up to midfield to play more of a possession role and to help direct the offense, which has been blessed with the addition of three talented attackers. The four new additions to the team, forward Fabian Mertesacker, midfielders Kurt Köller and Niclas Helveg, and goalkeeper Mattias Prika, have combined their talents quite nicely with the veterans, who say the newbies have performed well so far.

"I wasn´t so sure they would fit in right away" said former defender and current captain Tomas Kristiansand. "I was afraid they might feel overwhealmed by the pressure put on them but coach [Piet van Meer], the veteran players, the media, and most importantly the fans. But they´ve all surprised me with their maturity and pose on the field."

Says van Meer: "I was a little worried when we had so many of our best players retire after the disappointing finish in the last World Cup. I felt a little bad for them. But at the same time I was excited to see how the new players would perform. I think the best part is seeing how they interact with each other so well. They´re a really close knit group and it shows on the field."

The new formation for the Lightning this year has resulted in the highest goal differential out of all the World Cup qualifying teams - 24. Granted, there was only one team that should have given Svecia any trouble and that was Kaze Progressa. But in both matches, Svecia won by two goals. The only slipups were against Royal Engrand and Sliponia.

To dispell any doubts some might have had about the new offense, they need only take a look at these numbers: the Lightning offense averaged 2,4 goals per game while the defense only gave up 0,7 and posted seven shutouts.

"I think the best match we had was the one at Kaze Progressa, where we shut them out at home [2/0]" said rookie striker Fabian Mertesacker. "I thought we really worked well together to upset them on their home pitch. I had a lot of fun out there, and I´m sure the fans watching at home enjoyed it too."

Many in Svecia are wondering if this could be the team that takes Svecia to the semifinals again. Since World Cup 13, the Lightning have advanced to the finals every Cup except one, but have not advanced past the second round since losing in the quarterfinals to Lemmitania in WC13. The adoring public have faithfully made their pilgrimage to whichever venues were hosting the orange or yellow clad players every time. Will they finally get to see their Lightning triumph this year?

Wickerslack [1] - Lethislavania [3]

This was the final day of qualifying, and tensions were running high. Lethislavania was in 4th place, and the uneasiness filled the whole country. The Twin Leninstan Stadia stood gallently, as the speakers blared out the different messages in various ethnic tongues. The crowd swayed and pulsed, as some went to get food and others left, infuriated with the security.

The game began with a large banter of hissing. White cups danced onto the field, flying out of the red hands of spectators. Thomas Boeing shook his head angerily. He grabbed a mike out of a sports commentator. "Zies ses sumpikstippal!" He yelled. "Wait..." He said, blushing. "I mean, stop it. These people are our guests. Continue to act this way, and I don't play." The crowd instantly fell quiet, shuffling of feet echoing around the metal arena. Throwing halted immediatly, as though a silent accord had been brokered.

The game began as scheduled, and Wickerslack seemed especially slick tonight. They started off by playing the polar opposite of the Lethislavanian Square formation, and began some vicious counter-attacks. About mid-way through the first half, Wickerslackian Center Forward shot up the field, dribbling madly. His eyes burnt with a passion, a raging flame shooting through his body. Some claimed he was possesed, other's called him gifted. Whatever it was, it gave him an almost perfect speed, and he launched a ball over the head of Jorge. Yelling, the crowd accused him of being offsides. The referee heard the call and shook his head. The speakers blared.

"The goal is good. Wickerslack is up by one..." Instantaneous with this ruling, hysteria broke loose, driving mad screaming and yelling. Fists flew around, knocking back innocents. The game, however, continued. No Lethislavanian goals this half.

Aroyyo stormed in, furious. "Is that what you call playing?"

Cel jumped back up, defensive. "Sir, we're trying. Those guys have our strategy down!"

Aroyyo glared. "THEN ADAPT!" He yelled, venom practically shooting out of his mouth. His eyes bored imaginary holes into the skull of Cel. "Shape up men, or you're out of here." He walked out, sweating. They did not realize how important this game was.

The team came out to chants in Olde Lethislavanian. "Gia Vor PIOUS!" They yelled, supporting their team. The sea for green was back.

Thomas Boeing jumped in the air, pumping his fist. Energized, he began the game with a quick strike. He shot up the field, angerily dribbling around the defense. Pulling off to the left side, he lofted a ball above the Wickerslackian goalie. The crowd cried in euphoric happiness.

Restarting the game, Cel dribbled up the field, his feet guiding the white and black sphere. He glanced over, and noticed Thomas overtaking another defender. He shot the ball over, and watched as Thomas jumped up, heading it into the goal. The crowd rose again, the chants returning clearer and louder.

Thomas went on to score one more goal, with 3 minutes left. The crowd rose one last time, as the brilliant fireworks bursted up in the air, illuminating the sky with bright orange colour. They had qualified.

Lethislavania was in the WC.

A Winner is We

Squornshelous Qualifies for the Cup
A triumphant team returned to their hotels rooms after the final match of qualifying, that team was the Squornshelous Pschychoes. The Pschychoes have qualified for their 15th world cup, misspelling and all. Matchday 14's victory over the Weegies pushed Squornshelous into second place in Group 9, exactly where they were projected to be, although The Eagles Nest nad Liverpool England finished in each others' spots, with TEN 3rd and LE 1st. The game was an exciting one, starting off dangerously for Squornshelous, with Weegie striker John McCaig breaking loose on a through ball to score. However, Squornshelous recovered to score in the 35th minute. Trevor Gerrard leaped up in front of Davie Eriksson to put the ball in on a corner kick. Eriksson had been so focused on the ball that he actually punched at its path, narrowly missing Gerrard's head. The two sides went into halftime tied up and hungrier than ever. They knew one of them had to score to discourage Hiiraan from brutalizing Antaeus Rising too much. If the game remained tied too long the African team might have gotten their hopes up for a minute. However, Jako Arnesson finished it off in the 76th minute with a beautiful goal. He turned around a defender and cut upfield. Pursued by the entire defence, he bore down on Eriksson, who rushed out as he drew nearer. At the perfect moment, Arnesson lobbed the ball up over Eriksson's hands, putting a lot of backspin on it. As millions, even billions of fans held their breath, the shot appeared to be headed just over the crossbar, but the backspin, coupled with a lucky bit of wind in the opposite direction, dropped it just under the bar and into the goal. From that point, Squornshelous held possesion as much as possible and denied The Weegies any chance at a goal.

Final Score:
Squornshelous 2-1 The Weegies

Scoring Summary:
TW: McCaig [19]
SQ: Gerrard [35]
SQ: Arnesson [76]

Squornshelous' Scorers:
Gerrard: 12
Popov: 9
Arnesson: 7
Washington: 3

Group 9 Final Standings:

Group 9 Pl W D L GF GA Pts GD
Liverpool England 14 9 2 3 31 11 29 +20
Squornshelous 14 7 3 4 31 17 24 +14
The Eagles Nest 14 6 6 2 19 11 24 +8
----------------------------------------------------
Hiiraan 14 7 1 6 21 23 22 -2
Kingsford 14 6 3 5 14 15 21 -1
The Weegies 14 6 2 6 21 19 20 +2
Antaeus Rising 14 3 1 10 7 26 10 -19
Ratvipa 14 2 2 10 6 28 8 -22


Squornshelous' Qualifying Schedule:
Wins Draws Losses
MD01: Squornshelous 4-1 Hiiraan
MD02: Ratvipa 1-0 Squornshelous
MD03: Squornshelous 6-0 Antaeus Rising
MD04: Kingsford 3-2 Squornshelous
MD05: The Eagles Nest 2-2 Squornshelous
MD06: Liverpool England 2-2 Squornshelous
MD07: Squornshelous 3-1 The Weegies
MD08: Hiiraan 1-3 Squornshelous
MD09: Squornshelous 4-1 Ratvipa
MD10: Antaeus Rising 1-0 Squornshelous
MD11: Squornshelous 1-2 Kingsford
MD12: Squornshelous 0-0 The Eagles Nest
MD13: Squornshelous 1-2 Liverpool England
MD14: The Weegies 1-2 Squornshelous

Squornshelous' Record:
Home: 4-1-2
Away: 3-2-2
Overall: 7-3-4

AI Qualifies!

For the second time in two World Cups, the Adam Island National Football team has passed the qualification stage and will compete in the official World Cup of Football. And once again, AI edged out Kylaai under the leadership of famed manager Deidra Gowin.

This year's team barely squeezed by the qualification in competitive Group 7. They were tied with Kylaai in points going into the final matchday, and drew their game with second place Kaze Progressa. Fortunatly, Kylaai also drew their match with first-place Svecia, and AI went through on goal differential.

For her leadership, Deidra Gowin was made an Honorary Llama at the annual Adam Day festivities in Adam Island. Each year, the leader of Adam Island chooses two persons that have contributed to the Island's national welfare and international prestige. Both her and UN ambassador Albert Thompson were given their awards at a special ceremony in Adam City by President Ben Rodriquez.

Watch the video of Gowin's Award (http://liberalclassic.com/Adam Island/HonoraryLlamas1985.avi)


LAST GAME: Adam Island 2, Kaze Progressa 2 (0-1-1, 3-4)
NEXT GAME: Who knows?

Iansisle Notices World Cup
Well, we qualified. A pat on the back all around

IANAPALIS, Iansisle -- The only two fans wearing red, green, and white in Legalese managed to leave the stadium with smiles on their face while the other several tens of thousands wept and watched the last minutes of Jerusalem’s narrow and unlikely victory over Crystilakere.

“I feel kind of bad,” said RSU student Herb Saunders. “The Legal Eagles really played their hearts out this qualification. To lose in this, the moment when their qualification seemed assured, must be really tough. Especially as, well, most Ians fans haven’t been terribly active in supporting their team recently.”

Several publications have complained about apathy, both popular and official, in the Ians’ qualifying campaign. Most of the blame has been placed on the lavish preparations for the Eighth Don Cherry Cup, which will be the first major sports tournament hosted in Iansisle.

“It is a tough break for Legalese,” agreed Saunders’ girlfriend Bertha with a sympathetic nod. “I don’t really remember the hard times we had in our first world cups, but I’ve read about them. I just can’t imagine coming to a tournament and exerting every effort only to lose to a team like the Ians that have just been coasting.”

“Oh well,” shrugged Saunders. “I’m not giving up our spot in the World Cup - there’s still Audioslavia that needs comeuppanceing.”

Rivalry 4: Iansisle
Audioslavia 1-1 Iansisle, World Cup 12 qualifier
Audioslavia 1-0 Iansisle, World Cup 12 qualifier
Audioslavia 2-0 Iansisle, World Cup 13 qualifier
Audioslavia 0-0 Iansisle, World Cup 13 qualifier
Audioslavia 3-0 Iansisle, World Cup 16 first round

"Who's Isle?", most Audioslavians say, but apparently there is an island which hates Audioslavia. It is called 'Iansisle', and they've never beaten the 'slaves at football. Bless 'em. Apparently, Iansisle got to a world cup semi-final once, which is apparently quite impressive, and any Iansislean who you might meet in the street one day would go on about it like it was, i dunno, like getting to the final or something. Of course, you wouldn't be able to understand what they were saying, as the average Iansislean is less civilised than a Lemmitanian Lemming. Or a Lemmitanian man. Still, they have their good points. Audioslavia and Iansisle share the same religion, and both country's names begin with vowels. Howzaboutthat?

Alexander Truman develops comprehensive list of why Audioslavia totally sucks

Former all star striker Alexander Truman (who, it is theorized, may have used the Ians' kryptonite filled football to score the lone goal against Audioslavia in team history) was outraged when a Audioslavian publication ranked the Ians only fourth in rivalries behind, of all teams, the Belmore Family. He quickly lept to work developing a list of all the reasons that Audioslavia is a team of big loser-faces.

1) Audioslavia sucks.
2) We so beat them indirectly in World Cup XVIII.
3) We lost to Rejistania. They lost to *snicker* Crystilakere.
4) Audioslavia totally sucks.
5) They're a bunch of cheaters.
6) They've never won the SuperCup, like us.
7) Audioslavia really sucks.
8) Our country's name has fewer syllables.
9) ... Audioslavia sucks.

Well, the Celestials have qualified for the World Cup. But we don't know who we're playing! So, let's preview all 32.

Yes, we're insane.

ADAM ISLAND
Ah, the "Men In Ecru". Second World Cup for these guys, second failure at the first hurdle, we predict. One to watch in XXI though.

AUDIOSLAVIA
Look nigh on to invincible, despite losing the WCXIX Final to Crystilakere. Only one thing can stop the 'Slaves from winning World Cup Twenty. It's called "Squornshelous".

BEDISTAN
Could make the semis...if only they could find their way out of reverse gear...

COCKBILL STREET
After years of experimenting, are now well-versed in the mystic art of "consistency", and could turn heads. Watch out for the troll contingent - so ugly they could make Martin Keown blush.

COMMERCE HEIGHTS
Have made up the numbers too often in recent Cups. Maybe the long-overdue run to the final four is to come on Bekkside? We shall see.

CRYSTILAKERE
Reigning World Champions, and winners of Group Three. A repeat victory is unlikely, but it's only a short trip to the host countries, so the fans will be there to help them. Probably a quarter-final exit though.

DANCE 2 REVOLUTION
Have somehow reached a World Cup Final. No, they're not quite sure either. Can't see them getting past the groups this time round though.

DRUIDA
The Amazing Technicolor Hosts™! Not quite up to the standards of the NEWI-branded sides from The Druidish Lands, but getting there....

EAUZ
WC21 co-hosts, and pilferers of four points from Krytenia in the qualifiers. Not as strong as previous years, still wouldn't like to bump into them in a dark alley. Or the Group Phase.

EL CID THE HERO
Headline-blindingly consistent in qualifying. Tend to have a problem, though, with a little thing called "advancing past the group stage" in the finals.

IANSISLE
Tend to be more "thereabouts" than "there" at World Cup time. May be distracted by the upcoming Don Cherry Cup (this year held in Iansisle), and the Shieldians may suffer. Second round exit methinks.

JERUSELEM
"And did these feet,
In ancient times,
Walk upon Druida's mountains green?"
No.

KAZE PROGRESSA
The world would stop turning, you feel, if the Progressans failed to, well, progress this far. Unpredictable as far as the finals themselves go, though - second round, perhaps.

KRYTENIA
Hey, it's us! An improving side, however not yet quite as consistent as the world's elite. We'll be happy just to make it to the knock-out phase.

LETHISLAVANIA
New boys done good in their second Qualifiers. Can't see them being much more than Round One cannon-fodder though.

LIVERPOOL ENGLAND
"Terminators", my arse. Unlikely to get further than the last 16 for what can only be described as perennial underachievers.

LOVISA
In the great tradition of the Eastern Europeans, strong in qualifying, weak in the finals. Round Two would be an achievement.

MELMOND
Their time will come. Just not this year....

NOVA BRITANNICUS
Starblaydi puppet. Surprise package of WCXIX, continuing to play well in WCXX. Will expect to do well again on "home" soil.

ONE RED DOT
The Wolves have looked rather toothless of late. Expect a quick goodbye.

REJISTANIA
Falling giants, and another team who seem to have lost their way a little. Celestials fans will be hoping to meet the Orange-Blues, having taken maximum points of them in qualifying.

SARZONIA
They qualified?!? Holy Crap, are we screwed! The Stars have had the Indian sign over Krytenia since....ooh, AOCAF I. Two freaking decades ago.

SPAAM
Will either march to the Semis in a blaze of glory, or fail to win a group match. My money's on the latter.

SQUORNSHELOUS
The Pshychoes (sic) probably don't care where they finish in WCXX, as long as it's ahead of Audioslavia. Their best chance of this is easy - play the 'Slaves, as Squornshelous are a bigger bogey team than one found up a Giant Evil Spider's left nostril. (Do spiders have nostrils? Hang on, do we care?)

STARBLAYDIA
Whatever.

SVECIA
The Svecikans are back one more, and looking to improve on previous performances. Quarter finals likely - possibly more.

THE BELMORE FAMILY
Every World Cup, there's one team that seems to scrape into the finals, then kick some serious ass. The Belmores could be that crack team of asskickers, and it wouldn't surprise anyone here at KBS to see them in the Final.

THE EAGLES' NEST
It's the beginning of the Comeback Trail™ for the Strike Birds - a side that have beaten the Celestials on three seperate occasions over the years. Ah well.

THE LOWLAND CLANS
One of those countries who could go just about anywhere. Caledonian heritage, however would point to "home before postcards".

TOTAL N UTTER INSANITY
The Insanicians, are, of course, to insane to predict.

TURORI
Vilitan puppet, beginning to catch up with the master. I see Round Of Sixteen in their future.

VILITA
Overdue a semi-final. Surely, surely, they won't disappoint this time...

Lethislavania was in the WC.
NOW WASH YOUR HANDS

President Smith: "So TBF v Melmond was last night, yes?"

Unnamed helper: "It was. You should see if the DIS have got back yet."

President Smith clicks his computer mouse a few times until he ses the following.


To: President Margaret Smith of Druida <smiffy@presidentialoffice.gov.dr>
From: Syku Laxu <honestlynotaspy@dis.gov.dr>
Subject: Alan Belmore

Hejida President Margaret'he,

I have taken Alan Belmore'he, I have him captured and caught and shot. He will not come back to make you trouble.

Texeki,

SyLa


Presidnet Smith: "He's shot Alan Belmore."

Unnamed helper: "All the more reason for them to become our rivals."

President Smith: "Great!"

Jeruselem Government News

It's drama queen time

Jeruselem known as the Crusaders, sometimes as the Qualifier Drama Queens had a problem. As reported yesterday, it was really Legalese vs Jeruselem for the 3rd spot in Group 3. The scenarios favoured Legalese as it was playing Iansisle while Jeruselem played the World champs Crystilakere.

First the boring stuff. Eystrck drew with Praying2God 2 ALL to end Eystrck's faint hopes of making the 3rd spot. They needed to win but God didn't help them. South Osettia ended on a brighter note with a 2-0 win over Nevigrad. They were a good team but didn't perform.

Jeruselem always seem to leave it to last game to do things. Remember World Cup 13, 17 and 18? Jeruselem managed to lose it's last game in all except 18 and didn't need the win in 19. Oddly it played Crystilakere for the last game in 19, and lost 3-1 but finished 2nd.

This time it's World Cup 20, and would the Crystils do it again? In a stunning result, Jeruselem defeated the World Champs 3-2! Two games ago, Legalese looked like making it after Jeruselem had lost three in a row. Jeruselem won against the Ians 2-0 and now the World Champs found out Jeruselem aren't those chokers from the past.

Jeruselem need Iansisle to help out and it beat Legalese 2-0. The packed stadium for the game resembled a graveyard after the Legalese fans found out the Crystils had lost.

The lesson is, don't write us off.

Group 3
Jeruselem [3] Crystilakere [2]
Legalese [0] Iansisle [2]
Praying2God [2] Eystrck [2]
Nevigrad [0] South Osettia [2]


Group 3 Pl W D L GF GA Pts GD
Crystilakere 14 8 5 1 29 10 29 +19
Iansisle 14 8 2 4 25 15 26 +10
Jeruselem 14 7 3 4 25 21 24 +4
----------------------------------------------------
Legalese 14 6 3 5 26 19 21 +7
Eystrck 14 4 7 3 21 17 19 +3
Praying2God 14 5 3 6 16 25 18 -9
South Osettia 14 5 2 7 21 30 17 -9
Nevigrad 14 0 1 13 3 28 1 -25


Final analysis
Crystilakere => World champs and despite the Jeruselem loss, still the one to beat
Iansisle => Lacklustre but like a top 20 team won when needed
Jeruselem => Unpredictable and dangerous. Able to snap out of losing ruts.
Legalese => Unlucky but a prospect to qualify in World Cup 21
Praying2God => Disappointing and failed to win big games when needed.
South Osettia => Very talented. Don't underestimate them
Nevigrad => The Jeruselem of World Cup 11, just need more experience. Same record too.

Haperd lost the last game of world cup 20 and once again have not finished in the top 3 positions. It was very dissapointing to lose to Ninurta they would have finished in last place if they did not beat us. Hapred would have finished 4th if they won the game, but they were impressed with having +1 goals for the competition which is a promising sign for the future.

The Haperd team missed World Cup 18 due to political conflicts in the Caribbean which hurt the sport in the region but returned last world cup to begin to rebuild. 17 points is a great achievement and so is scoring more goals than we have given up. The top 3 teams were very good and deserved to make the world cup finals, but do not forget about Haperd we will try and win the cup of harmony and make the world cup in world cup 21.


Code:

Group 10 Pl W D L GF GA Pts GD
Total n Utter Insanity 14 9 4 1 25 8 31 +17
Bedistan 14 9 3 2 22 10 30 +12
Sarzonia 14 9 2 3 28 16 29 +12
----------------------------------------------------
Fmjphoenix 14 6 2 6 23 23 20 0
Haperd 14 5 2 7 24 23 17 +1
Qia 14 4 3 7 17 22 15 -5
Ninurta 14 2 3 9 11 31 9 -20
Nouveau Richelieu 14 2 1 11 10 27 7 -17

The Bedistan Sports Digest - Group Ten Wrapup

As World Cup 20 qualifying comes to a close, we look back on these past two years of competition and find that there's really nothing spectacular to talk about. Why? Because everything finished exactly as it was supposed to.

Don't believe me? Take a look at this listing of teams in the group, sorted by world ranking:

Group 10
Total n Utter Insanity ::5::
Bedistan ::18::
Sarzonia ::30::
Fmjphoenix ::43::
Haperd ::54::
Qia ::76::
Ninurta ::110::
Nouveau Richelieu ::150::

Then look at this final group table:


Group 10 Pl W D L GF GA Pts GD
Total n Utter Insanity 14 9 4 1 25 8 31 +17
Bedistan 14 9 3 2 22 10 30 +12
Sarzonia 14 9 2 3 28 16 29 +12
----------------------------------------------------
Fmjphoenix 14 6 2 6 23 23 20 0
Haperd 14 5 2 7 24 23 17 +1
Qia 14 4 3 7 17 22 15 -5
Ninurta 14 2 3 9 11 31 9 -20
Nouveau Richelieu 14 2 1 11 10 27 7 -17

No surprise packages, no disappointments. Just on-par performances for everyone. At least it gives a sense of security, I suppose.

So while we're analyzing, let's look at where everyone's gone in terms of post-qualifying rankings:

Total n Utter Insanity: UP from #5 to #4
Bedistan: UP from #18 to #17
Sarzonia: UP from #30 to #29
Fmjphoenix: UP from #43 to #42
Haperd: DOWN from #54 to #56
Qia: UP from #76 to #65
Ninurta: UP from #110 to #80
Nouveau Richelieu: #90 (formerly unranked)

So, do things look good for the Green-Blues in the World Cup proper? Hard to say. Everything's proven almost completely inconclusive so far.

"One day at a time," says coach Mike Davidson. "We're going to take the Cup one day at a time. It's all we can do at this point."

Groups for World Cup 20 have not yet been announced, and are not expected to be announced until the World Cup Host Selection Committee has decided on a host for the Cup of Harmony.

Eagle's nest offers Asylum to Snub Nose 0.000001 Citizens

Strike Birds Await Group Assignments

The government of the Nest today has offered to help relocate any citizen displaced as the former Snub Nose 38 fell into the ocean recently. Any citizen of Snub Nose 0.000000007 needs but show their ID people to any Nest airline ticket agent and they will book a ticket to the Nest, where various government officials will assist them in getting a new start at life.

Meanwhile, the Strike Birds are back at home, practicing for their next few matches, and awaiting the announcement that will decide their early fate in this cup.


More details as they become available.

'The new team' defeats Shonar Bangla

The Orange-Blues in their new line up played a convincingly skilled and successfull match against the former 0:0 team Shonar Bangla. Like in the first leg, the Banglians did not play for a 0:0 anymore but tried to win the match against the 'favorite' by fierce attacks. The Orange-Blues were playing an 'attacking' (by Hexatux's standards) tactic: System Imdila (4-4-2).

The Orange-Blues were for once the superior team. Hekit Tana from the Tihrana'ny scored the 1:0 in a header after a free kick by Tene Mijaty. Syku "SyDe" Lyku achieved the 2:0 and the 3:0 when Banglian defense was in the state of misorganisation after two not very clever substitutions.

The result:
Shonar Bangla 0
Rejistania 3 (Tana 23rd, Lyku 69th 74th)

Three changes in the roster

Hexatux announced three changes in the roster of the Orange-Blues. Well, Siki Rej announced them but they originally came from Hexatux. Defenders Tene Mijaty and Ve~l I Ka~nsu and midfielder Hekit Tana will be in the roster instead of Syly Kansu, Ji Jen and midfielder Duli~n Naneji. All three players, who are replaced failed to impress in this qualifiers. The Na~ovi National felt only confirmed in their rantings since they demanded them to be replaced a while ago. Siki Rej phoned the Na~ovi National headquarters and said basically that they always want someone to be replaced so it was not possible not to confirm them.

Unnamed helper: "Sir... look at this..."



The Daily Druid

BELMORE BODY FOUND
Liam Gessemschmitthaagen-Po reports

The body of Druidan football superstar Alan Belmore has been found in a ditch just a mile from the rainbows' training camp for the AOCAF just outside Vimsbairn, Cockbill Street. His had been shot in the chest four times and dumped in a ditch. However police say they have no clues to go on at this stage.



President Smith: "Ooh. That's a sad story."

Unnamed helper: "Sir, I think we might have hit a slight snag in our plans."

President Smith: "Which plans?"

Unnamed helper: "The plans which involve us killing Alan Belmore so that The Belmore Family can be our rivals."

President Smith: "But... the DIS is in TBF?"

Unnamed helper: "It appears not. Something's gone wrong somewhere and he's gone and got the wrong Alan Belmore."

President Smith: "What? Well how many Alan Belmore's is there?"

Unnamed helper: "Well, there used to be lots, but since they were banned in tens of nations around the world... still lots."

President Smith: "Ah. And you think he's got the wrong one."

Unnamed helper: "Why else would Alan Belmore the footballer be shot instead of Alan Belmore the footballer. With only that information to go on, if the DIS has ended up in the wrong place, that is what must have happened."

President Smith: "So what now?"

Unnamed helper: "We need to do something so that no-one ever finds out it was us."

President Smith: "And what might you have in mind now?"

Unnamed helper: "Not saying anything."

President Smith: "Good plan."

*silence*




*more silence*



*President Smith taps his fingers.*



*even more silence*



*Unnamed helper leaves the room.*

Dance 2 Revolution enter the WTF Factor

Rank-making machine goes beserk as D2R crawl past Audioslavia to #1

The streets of Dance 2 Revolution are in confusion after the latest batch of ranks saw them in 1st position in the ranks. The latest ranks have Dance 2 Revolution taking the top spot from Audioslavia, who slipped to second. This shocking move up follows a 'poor' qualifying round where Dance 2 Revolution failed to get top spot, despite being 18 ranks ahead of the next highest ranked team.

Maeda has now called upon his players to relish the position and play 'like they should' from now on. The 'mistaken' rankings have brought new hope to the D2R side, who are again, predicted to drop out at the group stages, despite never doing so since WC15.

Bring It On!

Bob Fogharty goes through what would be Audioslavia's ideal World Cup run.

First Round, Ideally drawn against
Total 'n Utter Insanity
Squornshelous
Iansisle

"Total 'n Utter insanity would be ideal simply because we love beating them, our defeat over them in World Cup 10 was paticularly sweet, we'd had a long long rivalry with them without actually playing them and to play them... and to beat them... was a beautiful thing. The newspapers the following day read: "


ONE-NIL
ONE-NIL

to the tune of that famous English crowd chant 'One-Nil':
"ONE-NIL! ONE-NIL! ONE-NIL! ONE-NIL! ONE-NIL! ONE-NIL! ONE-NIIILLL!
ONE-NIL! ONE-NIL! ONE-NIL! ONE-NIL! ONE-NIL! ONE-NIL! ONE-NIIILLL!
ONE-NIL! ONE-NIL! ONE-NIL! ONE-NIL! ONE-NIL! ONE-NIL! ONE-NIIILLL!
ONE-NIL! ONE-NIL! ONE-NIL! ONE-NIL! ONE-NIL! ONE-NIL! ONE-NIL!"


to the tune of 'One-Nil to the Arsenal':

"ONE NIILLLL TO THE 'SLAVIA
ONE NIIILLL TO THE SLAVIA
ONE NILLLL TO THE SLAVIA
ONE NIIIL, TO THE SLAVIAAAAAA"


(to the tune of Fat Les's 'Vindaloo')
[size=3WWWEERREEE GONNAA SSCCOORREEEE ONNEEE MOOORREEE THHAANNN T-N-U!!!!!!!!!!!![/size]

Final Score:
Audioslavia 1 (Willow 32)
Total 'n Utter Insanity 0

Can Audioslavia get to the second round of a world cup again? 12 years after their last berth in the knockout stages? Will the police ever find out what happened to the 45 TnUIans and the 52 Audioslavians who mysteriously dissapeared outside the TnUI-Audioslavia match (WHICH ENDED ONE-NIL?)

find out on channel one, in a few days.

Ive been Jeremy Jaffacake. G'nite bitches. One-Nil.

"Beautiful. Second up would have to be Squornshelous. We NEED to start beating them more often. The ghosts of that 4-0 loss were exorsised when we put five goals past them in World Cup 12, but then they had to do it again didn't they? Smashed us 4-1 in qualifying for World Cup 17. A big win over them will do nicely thankyou, then the entire world will call you 'stupidheads' even more. Third in line would have to be Iansisle. I mean lets face it, its asking a bit much to meet them later on in the competition, the Iansisleans are going to struggle to make it past the group stage, they aren't as good as they once were at their peak. Mind you, at their peak they weren't much better than Ravea's reserves. Lately they've been mouthing off, saying - in typically Iansisley articulate style - that we 'suck', so i think its time we slapped them on the nose and said 'backinyerbasket'. A nice big win should do the trick."

Second Round, ideally drawn against: Turori

"Turori. Who the fuck do you think you are? Another case of 'backinyerbox' methinks. Lil' puppet-boy Turori has been punching above his weight in recent times, i think a defeat and a bitch-slap back down below 10th in the rankings should to the trick"

Quarter Final, ideally drawn against: Dance 2 Revolution

"We'll show you who's number one. Bastards. I had to change my signature because of you"

Semi-Final, ideally drawn against: Crystilakere

"So. So, Mr. Crystilakere.... YOU THINK THATS FUNNY DO YA? HUH? HUH?!?! Well Mr. Crysti-Oh-look-we-just-won-one-nil-we-must-be-world-champions-la-fricken-kere, imagine yourself to Rocky Balboa, Audioslavia is Apollo Creed, and this is that scene at the end of Rocky III, just after you beat Clubber 'Group 3 in Qualifying' Lang. You beat us by ONE GOAL, you KNOW we're the better boxer/football team, and you KNOW that we'd have beaten you 99 times out of 100. You just wait til extra time in this semi-final, you just wait. Actually, scrap all that, i don't wanna be Apollo Creed, we'd have to get killed by a big East Lithuanian at the start of the next world cup, and then remembered in the form of flashbacks in a very very shit world cup after that. Bah, enough with the Rocky parallels, we need revenge."

Final, ideally drawn against: Rejistania

"Oh you knew it was coming. Rejistania. Look at them, in their pretty little baby-blue-with-a-trail-of-sicky-coloured-orange-on-the-waist coloured shirts and their little 'oh, we won the world cup, again.. har har har' attitude. This is one final you WONT win on penalties, the 'slaves they are a coming, the answer my friend, is blowing out your ass. You can do that to any aspirations you, or anyone, has of beating us in the future. Ever."

AUDIOSLAVIA FOR WORLD CUP 20, LETS KICK AT THE COUPE DE MONDE, MORONS!

This has been a hate-fueled jingoistic rant by your favourite wanker, Bob Fogharty

After great speculation and questioning, it appears that Eauz actually finished a qualifying round, undefeated. Eauz officials and fans are still looking for explanations and why it was not possible in the past. Many are pointing to Joseuf, who took over at the start of the qualifying round. This is the first time in Eauz football history that a team has gone without a defeat. The qualifying round was so great for Eauz, that they finished tied for the best record. Despite all the amazing occurrences of this cup for Eauz, Les Bleus only jumped up 2 spots in the ranks, to rank #13. Experts blame the fact that Capitalists are in control of the ranking system, and like to see the least number of socialist countries succeeding in the cup. They also blame the fact that some countries are able to put up some mighty fine looking bribes to the officials in charge of the ranks.

As for the cup, Eauz, Rejistania and Krytenia will be representing group 1 in either Starblaydia or Druida. By the looks of the ranks, it would appear that Eauz would probably be pulled into the second slot of one of the groups. Les Bleus are also hoping to be drawn into Starblaydia, so they can once again show the fans of Starblaydia the powerful Eauz team which kicked their home side 4 – 2 in the last cup. Nonetheless, the draw will occur tomorrow, and then we shall know who to prepare for. As for Joseuf, he talked a bit about his team, saying:
I don’t believe what I’m seeing as our record. 10 – 4 – 0. Amazing! All I can say is I’ve been getting these guys in shape and training them the way I see they should be. Eauz is a team I know can win, and I just want to show the world that Eauz was down, but they will be back for the number 1 slot. This team has shown it can play well, especially down the stretch, so we have a good chance of making it either to the quarter finals or even the finals.

Makinshakes Presents...
The Ketchup Times
Now you can eat your fries and read the latest news around Melmond!

Melmond Prime Minister Denounces Attacks in Eauz
In a press conference, Melmond PM Schiobahn Shirotaka stated her "absolute disgust" toward the terrorist attacks in Eauz by a group of violent capitalists based in Melmond known as "Mo-Money." "Although our governing philosophies may be very different and honestly we feel that giving power to the individual is the most just form of government, we will never condone and will always decry anyone who wants to put upon the principles of freedom and responsibility via force toward those who want neither." She later added that the Melmondian authorities would be glad to assist the Eauzian authorities into arrest those who escaped the city of Zuka in Eauz. It is rumoured that the escaped members of Mo-Money involved in the bombings have fled to Sarcodina, a nation known for its increasinly militant conservative agenda. Although, the vast majority of Melmondians feel empathy for the Eauzian people for both the violent attacks put upon by the radicals and for the fact that an Eauzian cannot control their own destiny, some of the more hooligan-minded (no offence to Snub Nose 38) Melmondians celebrated the attacks. One random person drunk on cheap Melmondian beer stated, "Those (expletive) arrogant Frenchy pinkos got what they deserved!! May we next time stick baguettes up their (expletive)! Viva capitalism! Viva Mo-Money!" He later added, "Our people are happier than yours..and that's according to the pinko (expletive) at the UN..ha ha ha!" Anyway, as that pissed in more ways than one person gets dragged to the paddy wagon, let us rational people hope no more violence happens over mere ideologies.

Quick Qualifying Wrapup

Fearless Farmers Flex Muscle Against Harlesburg
Coming off two victories against lightweights Nonesuch Street and Pedriana as well as a military victory as Melmond-led capitalist counterattack took back the Exclusive Capitalizt Zone, the Fearless Farmers were ready to show their strengthy while playing the lowly Harlesburg side, who somehow managed to tie the Fearless Farmers one all last time the sides met in Harlesburg. However, the Melmond defence was back in form as they only allowed Harlesburg to take one statistical shot, which was easily stopped by Melmond goalkeeper Alex McCarthy. Melmond scored three goals, two of the scored in the first half, both by Gene MacDougall. The other one was scored in the second half by Tim Remans.

Melmond Qualifies and Proves Superiority over EL CID THE HERO
Despite EL CID THE HERO already clinching their qualifying spot for World Cup 20, EL CID THE HERO still badly wanted to defeat the Fearless Farmers in their home nation. However, these Fearless Farmers were on a roll and not even the seemingly mighty EL CID THE HERO side could stop them, although they put up a good fight. EL CID THE HERO did get the first goal of the match as their defender Sid Soup got a rare goal with a header from a corner kick. However, the Fearless Farmers exploded late in the first half. First, the Fearless Farmers snatched the momentum away as midfielder Peeko Noodleschlausen intercepted an errant EL CID THE HERO pass and made a quick strike which caught the EL CID THE HERO goalkeeper Kim Dash by surprise. They kept the momentum going with a quick striker by Melmond striker Gene MacDougall. In the second half, Melmond kept the momentum going, but EL CID THE HERO goalkeeper Kim Dash did a great job keeping the ball out of the net. But she eventually let in a goal by Pauline Hulme, who was jenny on the spot as the Melmondian midfielder gives the Fearless Farmers the 3-1 lead. However, as the time ticked down in the second half, EL CID THE HERO refused to let go and got within one goal as striker Barry Trotter scored. However, Melmond was able to keep the edge in the rivalry with 3-2 win. With Melmond's victory and victories from The Belmore Family and a loss from Slaikau, the group 4 qualifiers have been set as EL CID THE HERO, Melmond, and The Belmore Family have qualified.

Reserves Respectable Against Raptor Claw
Manager David Bixler decided to rest most of the starters for the Fearless Farmers as they have cinched up their qualifying position. The last match at home before the World Cup was against frequent rivals Raptor Claw. Raptor Claw, although a down and out side lately, is still a formidable side. Raptor Claw took the 1-nil lead in the first half as Imat Arget redirects a long strike from midfielder Contro Lindaplae into the net past a surprised Fgtgt, the Melmond goalkeeper. Melmond would get their equaliser in the second half as striker Lave Serna, desperate to show that he is not washed up after a serious knee injury, uses his height and jumping ability to head a corner in th net. The Fearless Farmers would get in a wee bit of a mess as defender Nick Kresge was a little bit too eager to tackle a Raptor Claw striker and got a red card...but Raptor Claw couldn't capitalize and the match at Frankndottir Stadium in Acosta ends in a one all draw.

Melmond Draws The Belmore Family in a Meaningless Qualifying Finale
Another meaningless match to work out the substitutes, another one all draw. However, being from the most angstful parts of the Alliance of Socialist States, The Belmore Family, unlike region mates Audioslavia and Free Radicals of Mu-Mu, don't really like Melmond and sent their first team against Melmond's second team to really prove a statement to their home fans. Instead, as usual, a Belmoron sticks their collective foot in their collective mouth. The first half ended scoreless, but the Melmondian reserves drew first blood as striker Jamie Prior makes a nice chest trap from a midfielder Belle Bete cross and kicks the ball past The Belmore Family goalkeeper Mike Lancing. However, being the committed socialist they are, The Belmore Family made sure this game, if not a victory, would end up a tie, as the Belmorian attack after pushing Melmond goalkeeper Fgtgt to the limit, finally got one past him. It was striker Harry Jist for The Belmore Family who took the honours. The reserves played a solid match, and took home one point. Next for the Fearless Farmers is the waiting game as they find out which group they will play in and where they will play. Melmond comes in the World Cup with a ranking of ten.

Stars find mostly familiar faces in finals

Forgive Sarzonian national team Coach Dave Wilson for pulling out a legendary Yogi Berra phrase: "Deja vu all over again." Except for the world's top ranked Dance 2 Revolution, the Stars face eerily familiar opponents, once again playing in Group D of the World Cup Finals and once again face Kaze Progressa and Melmond.

"Let's hope there's not a repeat of last time," Wilson joked. The Stars only managed one point, a scoreless draw against then-fourth ranked Kaze Progressa and only scored one goal, in a 4-1 loss to Crystilakere. The team said preparations against both opponents from their previous World Cup finals will be "a different challenge."

"These teams are not going to be 'easy' to prepare against," team captain Brian Wilson, the coach's son, said. "You're not going to get an easy matchup at this stage of the competition. It's going to help us a little bit because we have a history with those players, but that doesn't mean it's going to be easy to prepare for them."

The Stars also have two matches between the Sarzonian colony Talzeckia's team against Kaze Progressa to look at. The heavily underdog Tides limited Kaze Progressa to one standings point in the two matches, a 1-1 draw in Talzeckia City. The Tides earned a win in Kaze Progressa. However, defender Mike Coyle dismissed possibilities of using the Tides' strategies to beat Kaze Progressa.

"They played a more defensive-oriented system," Coyle said. "They struggled to score goals so their best chance of winning was to play their version of System Karela. We play an attack-oriented system so we're going to have to figure out how to beat those guys playing our brand of football."

The Stars had problems when they tried to play physically against Melmond, particularly the team's female players. The Stars say they won't go out of their way to play physically, but they will if they have to.

"You can't get away from what you do well," midfielder Darwin Russell did. "That was our problem against Melmond."

The Stars have never faced Dance 2 Revolution and the team is the world's top ranked team but that doesn't daunt them.

"We've played the top-ranked team in the world before (Rejistania during World Cup 18 qualifying), so that doesn't intimidate us," Brian Wilson said. "Don't get me wrong, we respect them, but we can't play with fear and we can't play not to lose."

The Bedistan Sports Digest

World Cup 20 Preview
Yep, we're beating the Ketchup Times to it this time

Well, the groups have been drawn for the Twentieth World Cup in Starblaydia and Druida, and this time we at the Sports Digest are going to be the first to make our predictions regarding who's hot and who's not.

Group A
One Red Dot (19)
Starblaydia (18)
Svecia (15)
The Belmore Family (27)

This group is extremely tough to call, with Svecia, Starblaydia, and ORD being almost exactly the same strength. But home field advantage should come through for Starblaydia, allowing them to win the group, with the always-solid Svecia coming in at number two. One Red Dot will just miss out, and although the Belmore Family are certainly on the rise again, they still don't quite have the class to compete with these three.

Prediction:
1. Starblaydia (7 points)
2. Svecia (5 points)
3. One Red Dot (4 points)
4. The Belmore Family (0 points)

Group B
Audioslavia (2)
Bedistan (17)
Liverpool England (25)
The Lowland Clans (22)

Even though Audioslavia have been eclipsed in the rankings by Dance 2 Revolution, they are still definitely one of the best footballing nations ever, and that is still true today. Former powerhouse Bedistan has remained very consistent over the last few Cups. Painfully consistent, even -- World Cups 17, 18, and 19 all saw Bedistan take four points in the group stage before losing in the second round. Sadly, that trend is likely to continue. Liverpool England have been severely underacheiving lately. They'll certainly get a boost here by having Bedistan in their group, as LE have never lost to them, but that alone can't get them through. Same for the Lowland Clans, only they don't have a similar crutch here.

Prediction:
1. Audioslavia (7 points)
2. Bedistan (4 points)
3. Liverpool England (4 points)
4. The Lowland Clans (1 point)

Group C
Adam Island (33)
Nova Britannicus (28)
Squornshelous (14)
Total n Utter Insanity (4)

Two brand-new upstarts and two older-than-dirt teams meet here in Group C. Adam Island haven't really looked as impressive as they did in World Cup 19, though, and they'll definitely have their work cut out for them. Total n Utter Insanity did pretty well in qualifying, but can they carry that momentum into the group stage? Squornshelous have a long-standing habit of pulling wins out of their proverbial asses (see: Audioslavia 0-4 Squornshelous, WC5 qualifying). Our pick here, though, is Nova Britannicus. They came completely out of nowhere in about five years to jump into the top 30 in the world. Probably the fact that a great many Britannican players play in the Starblaydi leagues helps to give them the experience they need to be competitive on the world stage. Much like Vilita and Turori, Starblaydia and Nova Britannicus are likely to become the next pair where the puppet is just as good as the master.

Prediction:
1. Nova Britannicus (6 points)
2. Total n Utter Insanity (6 points)
3. Squornshelous (4 points)
4. Adam Island (1 point)

Group D
Dance 2 Revolution (1)
Kaze Progressa (9)
Melmond (10)
Sarzonia (31)

Ouch. That's about the only word that can describe Sarzonia here. They got off to a fantastic start in qualifying only to lose steam at the end and wind up in third place behind TnUI and Bedistan. This group draw only adds insult to injury. Dance 2 Revolution are much like Crystilakere and Lovisa: nobody expects them to do very good, but the fact is they're actually a very strong team. They should get through here along with the still-on-the-rise Melmond, while Kaze Progressa will, alas, fail to progress.

Prediction:
1. Melmond (7 points)
2. Dance 2 Revolution (5 points)
3. Kaze Progressa (4 points)
4. Sarzonia (0 points)

Group E
Commerce Heights (20)
Druida (23)
EL CID THE HERO (16)
Iansisle (11)

Another tough group to call here. Commerce Heights have been slowly fading into obscurity, managing to qualify for this one by the skin of their teeth. Druida are lowest-ranked in the group, but remember, they're playing at home. EL CID THE HERO are another one of those sleeper teams that does surprisingly well. And Iansisle is fairly consistent, with pretty decent performances. Expect this one to be a nail-biter.

Prediction:
1. Iansisle (4 points)
2. Druida (4 points)
3. EL CID THE HERO (4 points)
4. Commerce Heights (4 points)

Group F
Eauz (13)
Jeruselem (29)
The Eagle's Nest (7)
Vilita (6)

Eauz are another team on the decline, and the star power of TEN and Vilita will be too much for Les Bleus here. Jeruselem haven't a prayer and will have to wait for WC21 for their chance at glory. The big question is whether the Eagle's Nest or Vilita will win the group.

Prediction:
1. Vilita (7 points)
2. The Eagle's Nest (7 points)
3. Eauz (3 points)
4. Jeruselem (0 points)

Group G
Crystilakere (3)
Krytenia (34)
Lethislavania (36)
Spaam (46)

Crystilakere might have to send out its second team to keep this one interesting - might as well go ahead and start buying your second round tickets if you're a Crystilakere fan. Spaam used to be a world superpower, but are now barely clinging to the top 50, which just isn't gonna be good enough for World Cup competition. Krytenia and Lethislavania will be going at it for that second advancement slot, and we think the latter will make it through.

Prediction:
1. Crystilakere (9 points)
2. Lethislavania (6 points)
3. Krytenia (3 points)
4. Spaam (0 points)

Group H
Cockbill Street (26)
Lovisa (12)
Rejistania (5)
Turori (8)

Poor Cockbill Street - they've been struggling to qualify for ages and they get greeted with this group. Rejistania, however, is another falling power, no longer the unstoppable force they were a decade ago. Turori we mentioned earlier - they've got what it takes to get through, and though nobody ever predicts Lovisa to do well, they always do.

Prediction:
1. Turori (5 points)
2. Lovisa (4 points)
3. Rejistania (4 points)
4. Cockbill Street (3 points)

As yet, we don't know how fixtures for later rounds will be determined. But for the sake of argument, let's assume they're done they way they usually are - first in Group A plays second in Group B, second in B plays first in A, first in C plays second in D, and so on. Here we go:

Second Round
Starblaydia over Bedistan
Audioslavia over Svecia
Dance 2 Revolution over Nova Britannicus
Total n Utter Insanity over Melmond
The Eagle's Nest over Iansisle
Vilita over Druida
Crystilakere over Lovisa
Turori over Lethislavania

Quarterfinals
Starblaydia over Audioslavia
Dance 2 Revolution over Total n Utter Insanity
Vilita over The Eagle's Nest
Turori over Crystilakere

Semifinals
Starblaydia over Dance 2 Revolution
Vilita over Turori

Third Place
Turori over Dance 2 Revolution

Final
Vilita over Starblaydia

Strike Birds Placed in Group of Death

Teams with History in Group F; All Highly Ranked

Most TEN fans said the following as the draws were transmitted over the national broadcast:

"Oh hell, we're screwed."

#Group F#
Eauz .:13:.
Jerusalem .:29:.
The Eagles Nest .:7:.
Vilita .:6:.

looks ok doesn't it?

let's look deeper.

Vs. Eauz: 0-0-3, outscored 2-7 in those three matches.
Vs. Jerusalem: 0-1-1, outscored 2-3 in those two matches.
Vs. Vilita: 1-0-0, outscored Vilited 3-0 in that game.

So we expect to win the game that on paper, we shouldn't.

'We're screwed' say the fans. We will not make the round of 16.Life is terrible. The world is going to end. oh wait we can't say that in the Nest so we don't offend the Snub Nose refugeees in our country.

Grief counselors are working overtime as the apparently distraught fan base in the Nest is wrestling whether or not to eve go overseas to see their beloved Strike Birds get thumpoed in a group they can not hope to win, much less get second. Whoa is us. Whoa is the Birds. Why do we even play the cup? All that happens is time after time we get a disassapointing finish, cup after cup. Eauz of all teams. Why us? why now? where's the beef? What is the *THUNK*

*the TV reporter, who has clearly lost it is hit on the back of his head witha large piece of metal, and a calmer, person slides into the chair.

Group F schedule is not posted yet, and we will let you know when the slaughtering of the Strike Birds will begin. *THUNK*

(third TV person) The Strike Birds fly off to Druida in the morning to what appears to be their certian doom an *THUNK*

(4th TV person) the flight leaves around 10 am, so if you want to see your Birds off for the buttwhipp *THUNK*

(5th tv person, actually, may be the camera stagehand now, as he is not professionally dressed) Um...the um...Birds will *THUNK*

(6th stagehand) I love pie *THUNK*

(7th stagehand) *grins* In other news *THUNK*

*HEY why'd you do that?*

*oh sorry, got thunk happy*

*THUNK*

(ignoring the carnage in the studio as 8 people now lie in the camera's view, a word scrollover begins)

Tune in tomorrow for more details on the World Cup. News tonight is postponed until our newscasters wake up.

Belmorians drawn in group-of-relative-ease

"Group of relative ease" was how Alan Belmore descibed the Belmorian group, group A to the press this morning. He told reporters that though the Belmorians would have to fight hard to get into the the Round of 16, it was no way near impossible and if they could rally together strongly then they could get into the next round. The team going to Starblaydia will be without Vincent Symmons however, Harry Jist should take the posistion next to Alan Belmore upfornt.

More later....

World Cup 20 Preview


Group F
Vilita (6)
The Eagle's Nest (7)
Eauz (13)
Jeruselem (29)


Despite the Dreams of playing in front of Starblaydi fans to hopefully embarrass their team, Eauz got drafted into the region of Druida, in Group F. The ‘F’ must stand for F*cked, as Eauz was placed in with Vilita and The Eagle’s Nest. This might look on paper fairly easy for Eauz, since they have had some success against a few of these teams, they will have to face the facts that these are new and improved teams.

Ranking Group F, according to their records during the qualifying round we get the following:

Group 8 Pl W D L GF GA Pts GD
Eauz 14 10 4 0 27 8 34 +19 (1st)
Vilita 14 11 0 3 35 11 33 +24 (1st)
The Eagles Nest 14 6 6 2 19 11 24 +8 (3rd)
Jeruselem 14 7 3 4 25 21 24 +4 (3rd)


Eauz will hope that their strong defence will show up for the cup, as they, along with Total n Utter Insanity were the teams with the lowest Goals Against. Despite speculation that the Eauz team is on the downward slope of weakening, Les Bleus have actually shown to be a new and improved team since the days of World Cup 16. Posting up a 0 in the Loss column, Eauz will be a tough team to crack, no matter the number of star players on The Eagles Nest and Vilita. Eauz fans must remember that they have a 3 – 0 – 0 record against The Eagles Nest. As for Vilita, they have a star calibre team, but Les Bleus have shown that they can play against them, as the first and only time these two teams met, Vilita won by a marginal 3 – 2 lead. As for Jeruselem, it’s been so long since these two teams met up, but Les Bleus will probably find no problem against them.

We will not though make a prediction, for it seems ever since we started predicting our fate in this cup, we’ve jinked ourselves, resulting in the opposite occurring. This group though should be one to watch, as 3 of the 4 teams are very close in experience and ability.

Nationstates World Cup 20 in Real Life

Group A

Svecia 5 (England)
Starblaydia 18 (Australia)
One Red Dot 19 (United States)
The Belmore Family 27 (Nigeria)

Group B
Audioslavia 2 (France)
Bedistan 17 (Croatia)
The Lowland Clans 22 (Romania or Iran)
Liverpool England 25 (Norway or Poland)

Group C
Total n Utter Insanity 4 (Brazil)
Squornshelous 14 (Ireland)
Nova Britannicus 28 (Paraguay or Nigeria)
Adam Island 33 (South Korea, Belgium or Bulgaria)

Group D
Dance 2 Revolution 1 (Argentina)
Kaze Progressa 9 (Portugal)
Melmond 10 (Mexico)
Sarzonia 31 (Ukraine)

Group E
Iansisle 11 (Germany)
EL CID THE HERO 16 (Denmark)
Commerce Heights 20 (Uruguay)
Druida 23 (Colombia)

Group F
Vilita 6 (Spain)
The Eagles Nest 7 (Netherlands)
Eauz 13 (Sweden)
Jeruselem 29 (Serbia and Montenegro)

Group G
Crystilakere 3 (Czech Republic)
Krytenia 34 (South Korea, Belgium or Bulgaria)
Lethislavania 36 (Senegal)
Spaam 46 (Slovenia)

Group H
Rejistania 5 (England)
Turori 8 (Italy)
Lovisa 12 (Greece)
Cockbill Street 26 (Turkey)

VILÄMNA DAGENS NYHETER

GROUP OUTLOOK: TOO CLOSE TO CALL
Lightning placed with hosts yet again

GROUP A
Svecia (15)
Starblaydia (18)
One Red Dot (19)
The Belmore Family (27)

-If any doubted Svecia´s potential before the qualifying rounds, they won´t be anymore. But now skeptics are wondering if Svecia will advance out of the finals group. Indeed it looks as if the oranje crowds will get their money´s worth at the finals. Although Svecia has the highest current ranking, Lightning fans have known in the past that this means absolutely nothing.

A quick look at the meetings between the teams then.
Starblaydia WC15 qual, 2-2 D
One Red Dot WC17 finals, 2-1 W
The Belmore Family WC19 finals, 1-2 L

This group should be an interesting one to watch. Once again Svecia finds itself in the host´s stadium, not a fun way to kick off their tournament. Tickets have been difficult to find if not impossible, but fans and players alike are looking forward to an exciting time in Starblaydia.

The draw - the reactions

When the groups were announced, the Orange-Blues reacted as usual, with unlimited pessimism. Maybe the comment of a random passer-by illustrates the general reaction best: "How in the sign of Taderekansa can we qualify from that?" The officials used of course more polite and uncertain terms, but ment the same. The reason for this strong reaction was:
Group H (ordered by rank):
Rejistania (5)
Turori (8)
Lovisa (12)
Cockbill Street (26)

Some info on the teams:
Rejistania: Our Orange-Blues are only the favorites if rank is concerned, the team is pretty weak, they were underachieving in the qualifiers and not even Hexatux's newest bugfixes can put them through

Turori: Is a nation, in which soccer is highly important, and which, despite being only a colony, is on the way up on international level.

Lovisa: A quiet team, you hear few news from them. Maybe that is because even they can not use their highly difficult language correctly. The times when 'lovisian teams all matches lose' are definitely gone.

Cockbill Street: The country is slowly becoming a hotbed of System Karela soccer. Kansu Lyku led the Streeters to beautiful defensive soccer - and was successfull. Even though the Streeters protested against the tactics first, they got used to it now and start to like it. Experts expect a 0:0 in the match against the Rejis.

Comments form experts and important persons:
Siki Rej: Where is my mug? No, don't write that! It will be an insanely hard group. My prediction? Anything can happen!

Hexatux: *bleep* and several cryptic messages

Syku "SyLy" Lyku: First, last or anything between - for either team!

Elin Ri: That's a group of death! Bye-bye Orange-Blues... You can't even egg the team after going 0-0-3 there.

Sirake Tekim: The Orange-Blues DO have the highest rank, don't forget that. I do not expect a series of losses, but very close matches.

Elin Ri: You again?

Sirake Tekim: Of course, I can't let you ruin all hope again!

A World Cup 20 Preview
Slaves’ To Be In Sadness After A Streetian Surprise

The often imitated but never equaled World Cup preview is back. Although many people think the people at the Ketchup Times write this preview which comes from Melmond, well they do not. It is a conglomerate of Melmondian sports writers who get together, make the decisions and publish their predictions. No other predictor has ever been as good as the one in Melmond who has predicted two World Cup champions and has come very close in other years. Anyway, let us see what this World Cup has in store!

Starblaydia

Group A

The first side featured in our World Cup preview is One Red Dot. Despite the relatively soft group they were placed in, we don’t see this side advancing past the group stage as this side wasn’t as good as the team that won their qualifying group in World Cup 19 qualifiers.

It seems like we are forever waiting for the time for Starblaydia to finally emerge as a world power in the NationStates footballing scene. With this relatively weak group and home field advantage, they certainly have a sterling opportunity to do so now.

After a very inconsistent World Cup effort which involved some blowout victories over top sides and a home loss to Royal Engrand out of all teams, Svecia seems game to regroup itself and make a charge for the cup.

What can one say about the side from The Belmore Family? They were far from impressive during qualifying and this time they do not have home nation advantage. A solid pick for last place in this group.

Prediction
1. Starblaydia
2. Svecia
3. One Red Dot
4. The Belmore Family

Group B

The world still keeps waiting to find out when the always talented side from Audioslavia will finally win its first ever World Cup. This is one of the better sides Audioslavia has fielded, but after a good run all we say is more heartbreak for this side.

Bedistan has been on the decline in the last couple years and this time around they have a relatively young side. However, this side is still very talented and rather ambitious and should do moderately well in this World Cup.

The schizophrenic name changers of Liverpool England are still trying to find the recipe which led them to a couple World Cup championships, but this current combination won’t do the trick.

This side from The Lowland Clans is nowhere near the caliber of prior sides from that nation and in all likelihood would be lucky to get a point or two.

Prediction
1. Audioslavia
2. Bedistan
3. Liverpool England
4. The Lowland Clans

Group C

Adam Island was one of the major stories in the last World Cup, and although they qualified this year, this version of the club doesn’t seem as strong as the last. They will finish last, but they will put up a fight.

The pesky Navy Blues of Nova Britannicus certainly won’t sneak up on anyone this time around, which will make life for this side much tougher as we don’t see them entering the knockout round this time around.

After losing lots of talent to retirement, the Pschychoes of Squornshelous seem to be heavily underrated this time around. Make no mistake, this side is consistently a strong contender and will not back down.

Total n Utter Insanity is the other side in which people wonder when they will finally win their first World Cup. They are no Audioslavia despite only being two ranks behind the ‘Slaves. Either way, they should advance from this group.

Prediction
1. Squornshelous
2. Total n Utter Insanity
3. Nova Britannicus
4. Adam Island

Group D

They may be a strong side, but honestly this version of Dance 2 Revolution has to be one of the weakest number one ranked sides in recent memory. Nonetheless, they will find a way to make it to the knockout round in this group of death.

After coming close to winning their first ever World Cup eight years ago, Kaze Progressa has been taking a turn for the worse; missing out on the knockout rounds in the last cup and almost not even qualifying for the World Cup proper this time around. In this difficult group, it doesn’t bode well for the Progressans.

The Fearless Farmers of Melmond are placed in Group D for the third time in their four appearances in the World Cup, and will be playing Kaze Progressa and Sarzonia for the third and second time in World Cup group play respectively. After persevering through much adversity during qualifying, a group of death doesn’t seem that daunting after all.

Sarzonia may be the all-time hard luck side of NationStates football. They are a very hard working side who deserve much better draws than this to build the confidence of their players. As much as I hate to say it, don’t expect a long stay in Starblaydia guys.

Prediction
1. Melmond
2. Dance 2 Revolution
3. Kaze Progressa
4. Sarzonia

Druida

Group E

Since their victorious World Cup 15 campaign, Commerce Heights has degenerated from world class to merely decent. Although decent may seem to be good enough in this not so strong group, this side seems to be directionless as of late.

Druida really has the chance to show to the world that it is one of the strongest sides in the world. Despite dealing with great tragedy, this now deep side has its greatest chance to make a mark in front of their fellow Druidans and should do reasonably well.

EL CID THE HERO came of a rather strong qualifying effort into a rather soft World Cup group. They should emerge to the knockout rounds, however be knocked out rather quickly from there.

For a short while, it appeared that Iansisle was finally ready to be a footballing world power. But, they are now on their way down and shouldn’t do to well despite their top rank in the group.

Prediction
1. Druida
2. EL CID THE HERO
3. Iansisle
4. Commerce Heights

Group F

Les Rouge-Bleus d’Eauz really want to prove that they are one of the top teams in the world once again, and in this tough group, they will have a tough time doing so. However, we feel that Eauz will stake their claim upon the top echelon again.

Oy vey! Jeruselem really got a bad draw here. David may have defeated Goliath in biblical times, but this is football, and it’s just not going to happen here.

The Eagles Nest is on a slow decent from the top ten in the world, kind of like an eagle feather from the sky. Drawing this group is like dropping an anvil on that feather. Not this time Strike Birds.

You can always count on Vilita to play very strongly as expected for a short while and then to trip up against a side they should beat and be out of the whole thing. They won’t disappoint us.

Prediction
1. Vilita
2. Eauz
3. The Eagles Nest
4. Jeruselem

Group G

After their Cinderellaesque roll to winning the World Cup last time around, Crystilakere draws a pathetically easy group and should dominate this group even if they don’t play their best.

Krytenia is in the perfect position for their football side to finally get their act together and make a good performance. A knockout round appearance would be commendable if not expected.

Lethislavania seems like Baby Eauz to us. They certainly have the socialist fervor that Eauz has but as an infantile amount of talent compared to Eauz. They will have a chance to qualify for the knockout round in this easy group, but their socialist instincts will get the best of them and they will tie all their matches and miss out.

Spaam is just a can of its former self. This is no longer a world class side and should just be happy to be here. How the mighty have fallen.

Prediction
1. Crystilakere
2. Krytenia
3. Lethislavania
4. Spaam

Group H

We are eternally waiting for Cockbill Street to finally catch some breaks and finally play up to their potential. We feel the time is now as they have a Rejistanian manager who is used to winning and a strong side of humans, dwarfs, and trolls ready to take the cup back to their block.

For some odd reason, Lovisa just keeps hanging around the cusp of the top echelon of the World Cup despite not really being a flashy and impressive side. Everyone still predicts their demise and they always play well. But that is not going to stop us from predicting it again.

Rejistania, like fellow historically very good side Eauz, is trying to find their stroke back into World Cup contention. They will find it in this group by reminding a couple of overrated sides in this group how a champion plays.

Finally, we get to Turori. Quite possibly, the Eels are one of the most overrated sides I can recall. I can’t recall a major accomplishment from this team despite having one MAPP point for hosting a World Cup. They will join fellow overrated side Lovisa in missing the knockout round.

Prediction
1. Cockbill Street
2. Rejistania
3. Turori
4. Lovisa

Round of 16
Starblaydia over Bedistan
Audioslavia over Svecia
Squornshelous over Dance 2 Revolution
Melmond over Total n Utter Insanity
Eauz over Druida
Vilita over EL CID THE HERO
Rejistania over Crystilakere
Cockbill Street over Krytenia

Quarterfinals
Starblaydia over Squornshelous
Audioslavia over Melmond
Eauz over Rejistania
Cockbill Street over Vilita

Semifinals
Audioslavia over Starblaydia
Cockbill Street over Eauz

Final
Cockbill Street over Audioslavia

Well, the Celestials have qualified for the World Cup. But we don't know who we're playing! So, let's preview all 32.


You forgot Adam Island!!

Islanders Draw Tough Group
http://adamisland.blogspirit.com/archive/2005/01/30/islanders_draw_tough_group.html

Oct 1985 - Starblaydia - Adam Island may have advanced to the World Cup, but they'll have their work cut out for them in Group C. The team did not play as well in this year's qualifiers, earning only 1.6 points per game as opposed to 2.0 in World Cup XIX, their maiden voyage where they drew international headlines by beating then-#1 Rejistania twice in qualifying play.

WCXX has been marred by a team-worst 4-game losing streak and a scandal over questionable training methods by returning manager Deidra Gowin. The fan support has slightly waned, and last Cup's star striker Adelaide Haakenson was booed by fans on a late night talk show appearance weeks ago.

Nevertheless, the players on the Adam Island National Football Team have determination and heart. They were bumped up slightly in the post-qualifier rankings, from 34 to 33, and Gowin was awarded the Honorary Llama during Adam Day celebrations for coaching the team to qualify in both of their cup tries so far.

The international press arrogantly poo-poos AI's chances of advancing to the next round. The Bedistan Sports Digest predicted Adam Island to finish last in the group, with only 1 point. (in WCXIX they finished with 2) Melmond's annual World Cup Preview has the Group C predictions completely opposite from Bedistan's with one exception- Adam Island finishing last.

Last year Adam Island had nothing to lose and everything to gain. This year, we'll see how they perform under pressure. AI has not previously faced any of its groupmates.


GROUP C
33) Adam Island
28) Nova Britannicus
14) Squornshelous
4) Total n Utter Insanity

WC20 [1] - Lethislavania [0]

Today, it seemed, luck was not on Lethislavania's side. Many independent news sources have chided the Fighting Green, calling them 'socialist wimps' and suggesting that we tie our games on purpose. Heh, not.

We like to show them capitalists we are better.

So, to do so, we would like to announce the "Kill Krytenia!" ad campaign, which will culminate in a event where we beat to death llama's painted in the Krytenian colours.

In other news, it seems Thomas Boeing has been caught drunk. Again. This time, it seemed, the goose got out of the cage and bit his... er... ...

Anyways, he should be back in playing condition by our next match.

Cheerio!



Group G
Crystilakere (3)
Krytenia (34)
Lethislavania (36)
Spaam (46)

Final Outcome Predicition
Crystilakere
Lethislavania
Spaam
Krytenia

World Cup Draw Announced

Two noobs and an old nemesis await the Pschychoes in the first round
Once again, Squornshelous finds themselves sharing a first round group with Total n Utter Insanity. The last time this happened, in World Cup 18 (or XVIII if you prefer), the governments and Football Associations of our two nations engaged in a war of words that preluded a 2-0 defeat of TnUI at the hands of the Pschychoes. With the memories of that cup still fresh, this should be an exciting game for fans around the world. The buzz surrounding the Squornshelous-TnUI game contrasts greatly with our other two games in this group, as we have no history at all with either Adam Island or Nova Britannicus. As of right now, The Squornshelan FA has expressed no intent to make any sort of statement about the group.

GROUP C
#33 Adam Island
#28 Nova Britannicus
#14 Squornshelous
#4 Total n Utter Insanity

You forgot Adam Island!!

OOC: Actually, you're first on the list (it's alphabetical). You probably didn't see your name there though as it's in ecru. (OK, Lemon Chiffon. Same Diff.)

OOC: Actually, you're first on the list (it's alphabetical). You probably didn't see your name there though as it's in ecru. (OK, Lemon Chiffon. Same Diff.)

Lol, yea, that was it. Thanks.... hopefully I'll prove you wrong ;)

THE HERALD SPORTS DIGEST


Croeso

AS the plane touched down in Cefn Airport, it marked the end of a long road for those inside. For this was the plane carrying the Krytenian team to their first World Cup Finals in twelve years.

But enough of looking back. It's now time to look forward, and the schedules have thrown up a rather sizeable spanner. The Celestials will play thir first game against...Lethislavania. The Druidan police will be out in force in the city of Dave when Matchday One kicks off, after all the mudslinging between fans (and representatives) of both the Celestials and the Fighting Greens.

THSD Prediction: KRY 1-1 LTH

MARGARET X. SN38-2005.

QUALIFIERS
H v LWF : W 2-1 (Downhead Park, Kallia)
A v OCE : D 1-1
H v PTE : D 0-0 (Sixways Stadium, Avidia)
A v LAM : W 3-0
A v SHB : D 1-1
H v REJ : W 3-2 (Davis Memorial Stadium, Everton City)
A v EAZ : L 1-2
A v LWF : W 4-2
H v OCE : W 2-0 (Mellion Lane, Davisham)
A v PTE : D 2-2
H v LAM : W 1-0 (Oxley Park, Everton City)
H v SHB : D 1-1 (New Coalfields, New Osteria)
A v REJ : W 2-0
H v EAZ : D 0-0 (Davis Memorial Stadium, Everton City)

FINALS
N v LTH : ????? (Dave Dome, Dave, Druida)
N v SPM : ????? (Trevor Gardens, Trevor, Druida)
N v CRY : ????? (Anwir Cymru Arms, Llllllllllcwllllllll, Druida)

Lol, yea, that was it. Thanks.... hopefully I'll prove you wrong ;)

I sincerely hope you do. Especially as you're not in my group...

Islanders Draw Tough Group
http://adamisland.blogspirit.com/archive/2005/01/30/islanders_draw_tough_group.html

Oct 1985 - Starblaydia - Adam Island may have advanced to the World Cup, but they'll have their work cut out for them in Group C. The team did not play as well in this year's qualifiers, earning only 1.6 points per game as opposed to 2.0 in World Cup XIX, their maiden voyage where they drew international headlines by beating then-#1 Rejistania twice in qualifying play.


The ASR vehemently denies that these matches ever happened, will happen or are happening now.

<Vilita> hey spaam
<Spaam> heya
<Cockbill_Street> hi Spaam, Vil
<Vilita> nice to see you back in the finals
<Vilita> hey cs the uber scorinator
<Spaam> me?
<Vilita> si
<Spaam> what finals?
<Vilita> world cup
<Cockbill_Street> WC20 finals
<Spaam> ME?
<Vilita> yes you snuck in
<Spaam> HOW!?
<Vilita> i dont know, but you did
<Spaam> but... but...
* Vilita thinks the hosts hated wella
<Cockbill_Street> generally, by being better than 5 other teams in the group
<Cockbill_Street> everyone hates Wella, that's no news
<Spaam> i was in the qualifying?!
<Vilita> haha yes
<Spaam> now THAT is news to me...


Proving once and for all that not RP-ing can still get you into the World Cup finals. Now imagine if the famous Spaamanian RP-machine was working... HAH! Of course, as has happened many times in the past, merely pointing out that I was lucky will make sure that my luck will now run out. But in any case...

Forgotten Spaam Pulls Out Miracle

Spaamanian football fans were shocked today when they turned on their televisions and heard the headline "Spaam Qualifies For World Cup 20". The shock was not only the fact that Spaam had qualified, but that they had not known that Spaam was even competing in the qualifying round. Spaam qualified 3rd in their group, behind old rivals Audioslavia and ORD, and ahead of old rivals Snub Nose 38 and Giant Zucchini. Their qualification was only made certain after the last matchday, when they only managed to draw against East Lithuania in an away game. However this was enough to ensure that they qualified ahead of Wella on For and Against, after their shocking 4-2 home loss to World number 2 Audioslavia.

Spaam has been drawn into a group where the top qualifier has already been decided: World number 3 Crystilakere. Their other opponents are Krytenia and Lethislavania, two teams who should provide good games against the Spaam Shadows, but are likely to beat the former World number 2's and two times World Cup runnerups. The squad for the World Cup has been announced here (http://forums2.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=8080384&postcount=57).

"Um, miss..." a clerk of the Streetian Department of Sports said in a rather trembling voice.

"Yeess?" Helen Carpenter turned her chair around slowly. "What is it?"

"Um...the clacks from Druida have finally arrived," the clerk continued.

"Well?! What is the message about?" the grey-haired woman replied.

"The group draw, ma'am,"

"Really. Well, tell me the best team first."

"Er...that'd be Rejistania."

"Gooood! We've never played them much, and I'm sure our dear coach knows exactly how to play a 0-0 match with them. Next, please."

"Um...Turori."

"They're quite good, aren't they? Eighth in the world, I seem to recall. And?"

"Lovisa."

"WHAT? Three teams from the top twelve?!!"

"Yes...it's not my fault..." the clerk sulked.

"Whose fault is it, then?" Helen walked back to her table, where her eye caught a copy of NEwI of the World. After a few seconds, she cried out "Aha! Here it is. The hosts and six top seeds shall be seeded, apart from that it is pretty much random. Idiots...surely they must have seen that this will make groups of death?"

"Literally, ma'am?"

"I might be considering it, yes. Some people ought to be killed for putting us in that group." She thought for a bit, then bellowed out. "Thor!!! Come here a minute!!"

Thor Axewielder, now in his eighties and envying humans for their low retirement age at seventy-two (dwarves don't retire until the age of 110, owing to their average living age being 132), rose from his seat six cubicles down and began walking towards Helen's cubicle.

He peered in with a sleepy face. "Yes..."

"We're going away again."

"Where?"

"To Druida, lawn ornament. It's the World Cup again."

"Druida? How did those Trevors in long cloaks who keeps killing each other get to host a World Cup?"

"I'd say us voting for them had a bit of an effect."

"We voted for them?"

"Yes, we did. Your memory is really playing up. We voted for them because the cup was played in Starblaydia, so we were bound to win it, remember?"

"Oh."

"Right. Unfortunately, we drew a Druidan group, and a really nasty one too."

"Um...who are we playing again?"

"Rejistania, Turori and Lovisa."

"Ouch."

"Indeed."

"What did we do to deserve that?!"

"Qualify in first place with 28th rank, I think. It's not good form to do that."

"Well, do we have a chance?"

"Put it this way...if we're lucky, we'll end up with three losses and 0-4 in goal difference."

"If we're unlucky?"

"Three losses Ravea-style."

"Ruth'aha'ni!"

"Yup. Funnily enough, everyone else seems to rate our team..." she picked up another newspaper.

"What's that?"

"The Ketchup Times. Very useful if you've got four spare hours and there's no cricket on."

"If you don't?"

"Then you skip 90 % of the stuff. You probably have to anyway, given their paragraph lengths. Anyway...group H, group H...there we go."

"What do they say about us?"

"Apparently, we're supposed to finally play up to our potential. Yup, that means one point all right. No, wait, they have us in...first? Is smoking pot allowed in Melmond?"

"Keep going...they tend to have further predictions in that paper."

"Second Round: Cockbill Street over Krytenia. Okay, that's fair, we both did poorly in the AOCAF. Quarter-Finals...what on earth is that? Cockbill Street over Vilita?!! Really, this must be pot-influnced. And then over Eauz and Audioslavia?"

"Um...do they predict us to win?"

"Indeed."

"Well, I suppose it's the best we'll get."

"Again you're right. Amazing, two hits in a row. Now pack your bags and let's go, the boat leaves in a couple of hours!"

"Huh? From what I know, the Finals don't start for a month yet?"

"No, but with Streetian navigation officers...expect to land in Crystilakere, Xile and Novvs Atlantis first."

"There's a war there!"

"All the more reason for the Streetians to mess up the way. We'll get some players killed first."

"Um...any way to avoid that?"

"Telling them that we are going to Xile, I suppose..."

Terminators hope to terminate group
Face Bedistan (4-1-0 against), Audioslavia and TLC

Group Predictions
Audioslavia (Ranked: 2nd. Past meetings: Audioslavia have the upper hand against Liverpool England, although don't be surprised if the Terminators manage to hold out for a draw. Prediction: 1st, 7 points)

Bedistan (Ranked: 17th. Past meetings: Bedistan have never won against Liverpool England ever since the two teams first met over 50 years ago. Look for another Liverpool England win. Prediction: 3rd, 4 points)

The Lowland Clans (Ranked: 22nd. Past meetings: It is unclear if the two nations have played each other in the past... It will be a difficult game to call, but look for a draw. Prediction: 4th, 2 points)

Liverpool England (Ranked: 25th. Past meetings: We can't possibly play ourselves, but in past friendlies between the senior team and the other levels, it is a 2-0-2 record. Expect draws against The Lowland Clans and hopefully Audioslavia, and a win against Bedistan. Prediction: 2nd, 5 points)

Other groups (Starblaydia):
Group A:
Prediction
Starblaydia (Ranked: 18th. Notes: Cohosting the competition, will have home advantage. I forsee that they'll beat TBF, and get two draws. Prediction: 5 points)
Svecia (Ranked: 5th. Notes: Seems to be a quiet giant. I think they'll get a point of Starblaydia, and two wins. Prediction: 7 points)
One Red Dot (Ranked: 19th. Notes: Have been inconsistent, just like the Terminators. Should easily beat TBF, and get a draw from Starblaydia. 4 points, and a third placed finish.)
The Belmore Family (Ranked: 27th. Notes: Have only recently started qualifying for the cup, originally through hosting. Doesn't look to be a strong team in an even stronger group. Bottom with three losses.)

Group C:
Squornshelous (Ranked: 14th. Notes: Have played the Terminators six times. A draw in WC8 Group Stage on the way to Liverpool England's first and only World Cup stands out in memory. In this tough group, expect them to easily overcome Adam Island and Nova Brittanicus. A loss to TnUI is wholly possible. 6 points, and second place.)
Total n Utter Insanity (Ranked: 4th. Notes: Have played the Terminators 4 times. A tough team to face in any circumstance. Three wins definitely not out of the question for them. First with a clean sweep.)
Nova Brittanicus (Ranked: 28th. Notes: Starblaydi puppet Will they do as well as their masters, considering it is practically home ground? One point, and third on goal difference.)
Adam Island (Ranked: 33rd. Notes: First Finals facing a tough group.... one point would be an achievement for them in this learning stage. One point, and last due to goal difference.)

Group D:
Melmond (Ranked: 10th. Notes: Fearless Farmers have tough opposition in this group, and I can forsee them only getting one point, against Sarzonia. Dead last.)
Dance 2 Revolution (Ranked: 1st. Notes: More than competent in recent cups, and will want to hold on to their amazing run. A win against Melmond, but draws against Kaze Progressa and Sarzonia, in my view. 5 points, and probably second.)
Kaze Progressa (Ranked: 9th. Notes: How many times will I have to say that this is a tough group? It's a screwed up draw, and unluckily for the Progressans, they did draw a difficult group. Draws against D2R and Sarzonia, with a win over Melmond. 5 points and first on Goal Difference.)
Sarzonia (Ranked: 31st. Notes: Being the lowest ranked team in a group with three teams inside the top ten, things will not be easy for the Sarzonians. However, I believe they can secure draws against all three other teams. Third, with three points.)

Second Round
Liverpool England vs Svecia: Liverpool England, AET.
Starblaydia vs Audioslavia: Audioslavia
Total n Utter Insanity vs Dance 2 Revolution: Oooh, great potential matchup. Dance 2 Revolution, Penalties
Kaze Progressa vs Squornshelous: Squornshelous, just for the sake of an upset.

Quarter Finals
Dance 2 Revolution vs Liverpool England: This has been a frequent matchup recently, with the record at 1-1-1. Tough to call, but we will have to take the Terminators in Extra Time.
Audioslavia vs Squornshelous: No question, Audioslavia.

Semi Finals
Audioslavia vs Liverpool England: 'Slavia in 90 minutes.

Third Placing
Liverpool England vs Druidan group semifinal loser: Depends.... but unless its a top 15 team, then the Terminators.

Jeruselem Government News

No fun for Jeruselem in the Group of Fun

Jeruselem were placed in Group F of the World Cup XX Group stage, the same group name is the U21 qualifiers Jeruselem is in. In the U21, Jeruselem is a big name and has won twice. In the World Cup, they haven't made it past the group stage with no wins in 6 games except for some draws.

We have Vilita, the super-Jungle Kitties as 6th seed leading the pack. Old friends The Eagle's Nest (or TEN) is 7th seed and Eauz is (sic) 13th seed. Jeruselem is 29th seeded and really need to perform against this kind of competition. It's gonna be tough but D2R showed what it could do in XIX, so there's hope yet if slim at that.

The money is on Vilita and TEN to make the final 16 for most concerned. Still it's better to be here than the CoH in the eyes of Jeruselem FA.

Group F
Vilita 6 (Spain)
The Eagles Nest 7 (Netherlands)
Eauz 13 (Sweden)
Jeruselem 29 (Serbia and Montenegro)

Unnamed helper: "The World Cup draw's been made."

*President Smith says nothing*


Unnamed helper: "Sir?"

*still silence*


Unnamed helper: "Sir, why aren't you saying anything?"

*President Smith scribbles something down*

Unnamed helper (reading) "'Because you told me to...' I didn't? I can't have! This is my first day back from a fortnight's holiday."

*President Smith nods. Unnamed helper looks on, confused. The president writes some more.*

Unnamed helper: "'Before you went...' I didn't, the last thing I said to you before I went was... Oh god, you haven't been sat here in silence for two weeks, have you?"

*President Smith nods*

Unnamed helper: "Sir, when I said don't say anything, I meant about the Alan Belmore incident. Not don't say a single word til I get back."

President Smith: "You did?"

Unnamed helper: "Yes. Now did you get me? The World Cup draw has been made!"

President Smith: "It has? Ooh. Where is it this time?"

Unnamed helper: "It's here, remember?"

President Smith: I remember something like that."

Unnamed helper: "Well... I guess that's a start."

President Smith: "So where is everyone playing?"

Unnamed helper: "I think that's going to be announced in the next few days. All I know is who we're playing."

Presindent Smith: "And that is?"

Unnamed helper: "Commerce Heights, Iansisle and EL CID THE HERO."

President Smith: "OK, OK, there's no need to shout."

Unnamed helper: "Sir, that's one of the oldest jokes going, it isn't funny anymore!"

Presindent Smith: "Jokes? But I... Oh, um... I know... er... sorry."

Unnamed helper: "So let's get this show on the road!"

President Smith: "On the road? I thought it was being held here?"

Unnamed helper: "Oh, give me strength."

Quarter Finals
Dance 2 Revolution vs Liverpool England: This has been a frequent matchup recently, with the record at 1-1-1. Tough to call, but we will have to take the Terminators in Extra Time.
Audioslavia vs Squornshelous: No question, Audioslavia.

As much as i'd like to agree with you, theres 64 years of Audioslavian football history which would disagree :)

Lions, Terminators and Clans
Audioslavia drawn in group B for WC20

The twentieth installment of the world cup, and Audioslavia's fifteenth successive appearance in the World Cup Finals, has thrown up some old foes for the 'slaves:

Liverpool England
Nickname: Terminators
Rank: 25
Colours: Red, White and Blue
Honours: World Cup 8 Champion, World Cup 9 Third Place
Previous Meetings:
Audioslavia 3-1 Liverpool England (World Cup 7 First Round)
Audioslavia 1-1 Liverpool England (World Cup 13 First Round)
Audioslavia 3-1 Liverpool England (Eagles Cup 5 Quarter Final)

Bedistan
Nickname: The Lions
Rank: 17
Colours: Blue and Green
Honours: World Cup 8 Runner-Up, World Cup 13 Third Place, World Cup 16 Finalist, Eagles Cup 5 Champion
Previous Meetings:
Bedistan 3-1 Audioslavia (World Cup 13 Qualifier)
Audioslavia 1-0 Bedistan (World Cup 13 Qualifier)
Audioslavia 0-1 Bedistan (Eagles Cup 5 Final)

The Lowland Clans
Nickname: Stars
Rank: 22
Colours: Blue and White
Honours: Cup of Harmony 7 Runner-Up
Previous Meetings:
Audioslavia 3-2 The Lowland Clans (World Cup 17 First Round)
Audioslavia 2-1 The Lowland Clans (World Cup 19 Qualifier)
The Lowland Clans 2-2 Audioslavia (World Cup 19 Qualifier)

All in all, Audioslavia's record against these opponents is 5-2-2, with Bedistan the only team with the better record.

Bedistan look like the biggest danger to Audioslavia's hopes of a second-round place, the team in green denied Audioslavia their first ever trophy for the full squad during the last Eagles Cup, and have had the better of all three of the games they've played against the 'slaves, despite Audioslavia's scraped 1-0 victory in World Cup 13.

Liverpool England and The Lowland Clans will also be a big threat, and its going to take supreme concentration on the 'slaves part to overcome them. Should Bedistan trip up the 'slaves, Audioslavia will probably need all six points from these two games, although four would possibly suffice.

Its that time again ladies and gentlemen, as Audioslavia go for the cup for the seventeenth time. They are the favourites, and have a weird new feeling in their bellies: No one has predicted them to win the tournament! Get in there!

Vilkaus Names Finals Squad

GOALKEEPERS:

[ 85 ] Jimmy Kater [ - Arcticala Inlet - ]
------- GK ( AGE: 26 GOALS::SR: U21: REG: )
Jimmy Kater took over the starting position on the National Team under the intense spotlight of the World Cup 17 Finals in Vilita. Kater has remained first choice keeper since then, despite a Quarter Final exit to Liverpool England. After leading the Vilita Under-21's to the Under-21 World Cup 7 Championship, Kater left a deflating Tivali City to join up-and-comers Arcticala Inlet, who have since formidified their place in the top half of the Stellar Division tables.

[ 87 ] Bryan 'Pop' Duiker [ - Strike FC - ]
------- GK ( AGE: 31 GOALS::SR: U21: REG: )
Pop Duiker has spent most of his career playing his trade on the regional stage, never getting much senior action on the international stage. Following in the footsteps of Corsi and Rory Issah, Duiker looked set to take over the top job upon Corsi's retirement. However, the massive uprising of Jimmy Kater and his superb performances in the Under-21 team kept Duiker on the bench where he has been for a record amount of International games throughout his performance-less career. His club life has been much more fruitful, taking over from Corsi when he left Yeaddin Owls to play overseas, Duiker led the Owls to 7 consecutive Stellar Division championships, before transferring to Strike FC and leading Strike to their 1st, and Duiker's 8th championship.

[ 86 ] Delain Falcón [ - Yeaddin Owls AFC - ]
------- GK ( AGE: 23 GOALS::SR: U21: REG: )
Falcon signed for Vilita Declasse side Akisa Surta midway through Vilitan Season 9, joining the club in a promotion battle. He is the first ever recognized international from Akisa Surta, And has large shoes to fill in defending Vilita's Under 21 Championship earned by National Hero Jimmy Kater. He took a further step in filling Kater's shoes by joining his former team, Stellar Division side Tivali City in Season 11.


DEFENDERS:

[ 3 ] Jaloey Afrikka [ - Strike FC - ]
------- D LC ( AGE: 30 GOALS::SR: 0 U21: 1 REG: 1 )
Jaloey Afrikka is one of the quiet talents in the Vilita lineup. A regular in the team since graduating from the Under-21 side, Jaloey is always in the roster somewhere, either starting or on the bench, when the Vilitan teamsheet is announced. With the retirement of Vilitan defensive legends Giacomo Adika and Enzo Ahat, Afrikka finds himself as first-choice Central Defender for the World Cup 19 Finals. Afrikka will have added confidence after returning home to Jlinal Cove FC, the club where he got his start, after a stint in the Stellar Division with Turoki Isle.

[ 9 ] Andrea Lamberti [ - Jlinal Cove FC - ]
------- D LC ( AGE: 20 GOALS::SR: U21: REG: )
Lamberti became the youngest player to ever feature for the first team at Arcticala Inlet and has been tipped as the next Giacomo Adika after a high profile transfer to Nusira-Lionta following Vilitan Season 9. At just 17 years old, looked set to be a regular in the Vilitan starting lineup following the semi-retirement of Adika and Enzo Ahat. However, a widely-publicized screw up in World Cup 19 cost Lamberti his position at Nusira Lionta, and he moved to Jlinal Cove.

[ 6 ] Ricky Ezis [ - Strike FC - ]
------- D RC ( AGE: 26 GOALS::SR: 2 U21: 1 REG: 1 )
Ricky Ezis is one of the most exciting prospects in all of Vilita, being molded in the exact form of the most capped Vilitan player in history, Enzo Ahat. The Strike FC defender plays alongside former Vilitan Nationals Danilo Liguori and David Leacock in the Stellar Division and frequently outshines his more experienced teammates. His performances have consistently earned him selection to the National team in favor of this duo, and Arcticala Inlet's Emarka Laniora.

[ 4 ] Sibusiso Azaïez [ - Marine Coast United - ]
------- D C (SW) ( AGE: 28 GOALS::SR: U21: REG: )


[ 8 ] Niccoló Mazzeo [ - Inland Peaks FC - ]
------- D LC ( AGE: 20 GOALS::SR: 0 U21: 1 REG: 0 )


[ 5 ] Petros Alfieri [ - Marine Coast United - ]
------- D C ( AGE: 25 GOALS::SR: 0 U21: 1 REG: 0 )
Petros Alfieri is just the next in the ever growing list of impressive defenders coming from the Marine Coast Academy. Coached by utility player Baron O'Toole and defensive great elekim Cairns, the Marine Coast Academy has already graduated names like Cairns, Enzo Ahat and Sibusiso Azaiez. Alfieri, a strict Central Defender, has a bit of a temper to overcome before seeing a regular starting role with the National Team, being sent off multiple times in the Vilitan League season, including an embarrassing dismissal against non-league Mliona-Lpaka that led to Marine Coast's early exit from the Vilitan Cup.


DEFENSIVE MID:

[ 32 ] Jürgen Ramzi [ - Jlinal Cove FC - ]
------- DM C ( AGE: 39 GOALS::SR: 13 U21: 0 REG: 0 )
Defensive Midfielder, not selected for World Cup 13 do to injury. Took up a role behind the central midfielders in a strong World Cup 14 Qualifying showing by the Jungle Cats and has retained his place in the side. Assumed Captaincy of Marine Coast following the departure of Santo Kecker to Barcoenfuego in Kingsford, and played many successful seasons in Crosaibi. With the lack of a suitable Defensive Midfield replacement, Ramzi was urged by Vilitan head coach Helmut Vilkaus to stay on the international scene well into his 30's. Ramzi agreed, while taking up a new job, as coach of Jlinal Cove FC, where he has begun a transformation which has made Jlinal Cove FC look more like a Defensive Midfield training academy, providing three Under-21 Internationals already, with more likely on the way.

[ ] Christian Sanou [ - Jlinal Cove FC - ]
------- D DM RC ( AGE: 22 GOALS::SR: 0 U21: 1 REG: 0 )
A star out of place in his lowly club side, Sanou is leading the new crop of Defensive Midfielders being trained under Vilitan legend Jurgen Ramzi. Ramzi was recruited by Jlinal Cove FC after their relegation to the Declasse Division of the Vilitan Football Pyramid, and since has introduced a wealth of Defensive Midfield talent to Vilitan head coach Helmut Vilkaus. Under-21 International Sanou has risen from absolutely nowhere under Ramzi's leadership to bypass Liverpool England based Antonis Ratuva and Corra Rangers' Lai Otieno to challenge Ramzi himself for his place in the starting lineup for World Cup 19.



MIDFIELDERS:

[ 25 ] Santo Kecker [ - Strike FC - ]
------- M LC ( AGE: 37 GOALS::SR: 17 U21: 0 REG: 3 )
Captain of Vilitan National Team since the start of World Cup 13. Kecker transferred from Marine Coast United to Barcoenfuego of Kingsford for 6.2m Following World Cup 14. Kecker, a free kick specialist, was left homeless when the Kingsford Pillar League dissolved and decided the time was right for a return to the Vilitan League. While he had originally planned to rejoin Marine Coast United, Kecker ended up at Jungle Strike FC. To this day, Kecker, Strike or Marine Coast have not indicated any of the reasons behind this decision, and it is likely to remain a mystery. Whatever the reason, the effect is clear, with Strike stepping up as the main challenger to Yeaddin Owls in the seasonal challenge for the Stellar Division title, as well as counting up a handful of Vilitan Cup and Tropical Trophy victories along the way.

[ 51 ] Inaki Soler [ - Yeaddin Owls AFC - ]
------- AM RLC ( AGE: 23 GOALS::SR: 5 U21: 7 REG: 1 )
Inaki Soler may be the greatest Vilitan talent since Santo Kecker graced the Vilitan history books with the first ever game-winning Vilitan goal against Compound Interest in World Cup 13 Qualifying. Despite a lack of goals so far in his senior career, a high profile-record transfer to the ever-improving Yeaddin Owls AFC was sure to do nothing but improve his chances of keeping his place in the Vilita side. With Helmut Vilkaus announcing an emphasis on Wings in the coming years, many expect Soler to breakthrough and take his place as the first-choice Vilitan midfielder. However, Soler left the Owls with friend Antonis Siazzu during the Season 12 Exodus to train independantly and focus on international play.

[ ] Antonis Siazzu [ - - ]
------- AM C ( AGE: 20 GOALS::SR: 3 U21: 1 REG: 0 )
Siazzu is a product of the Yeaddin Owls youth academy, moving on a fully funded loan deal to Melmondian side Titania Forests during the World Cup 19 Qualifiers. The impressive youth midfielder is one of the youngest since World Cup 13 to make a regular starting role in the Senior National Team, taking up the role during World Cup 19 Qualifiers at just 17 years of age. Working under Coach Nigel Chapman, Siazzu was apart of arguably the best midfield lineup in the entire World, taking up a central role alongside Calaesa Mitaroka, with the phenominal Inaki Soler and the always reliable Tanner Nerni on either side. However, Siazzu and Soler left the Owls during the Season 12 Exodus to train independantly and focus on international play.

[ 55 ] Tanner Nerni [ - Yeaddin Owls AFC - ]
------- M RC ( AGE: 27 GOALS::SR: 4 U21: 6 REG: 3 )
The Impressive Wing Midifleder, born & raised in Turori by Vilitan parents, saw his first international action in the Atlantian Oceania Cup of Association Football. Nerni's performances at a young age in the AOCAF Cup and for Cednia Beach AFC in Turori earned him what was a then-record transfer to high-flying Yeaddin Owls AFC, a fee still only twice eclipsed, both in Vilitan Season 10. Nerni, however, has never made the impact on the National Stage, as is the case with many of the Owls stars, who seem to save their best performances for the league and never walk too far from the bench when the Teal, Orange and Navy are in action.

[ ] Maurizio Sala [ - Turoki Isle - ]
------- M RC ( AGE: 22 GOALS::SR: 0 U21: 4 REG: 0 )
The former Tivali City youth trainee transferred to Nusira Lionta from Marine Coast during Vilitan season 9 in an attempt to get regular first team action. Sala was left with just 10 starts in two seasons with Marine Coast.

[ ] Jacques Vintila [ - Arcticala Inlet - ]
------- AM C ( AGE: 26 GOALS::SR: 0 U21: 1 REG: 0 )
Once tipped to change the face of Vilitan Sport, the Cednia, Turori born player made his move to the Stellar Division when signing for Jlinal Cove FC. Vintilla impressed at the Cove despite their relegation in his first season, but has cooled off recently. Vintila is the rarity at Jlinal Cove, the only Attacking Midfielder on record at Jurgen Ramzi's defensive-minded work house, but his attacking prowess has yet been able to see Jlinal Cove back to the Stellar Division

[ 53 ] Musa Nikiema [ - Turoki Isle - ]
------- M RC ( AGE: 28 GOALS::SR: 0 U21: 0 REG: 1 )
Called up to the U21 team for the first time as bench cover in U21wcIV. Attacking Midfielder plays Right or Central

[ 21 ] Calaesa Mitaroka [ - Yeaddin Owls AFC - ]
------- M RLC ( AGE: 30 GOALS::SR: 4 U21: 2 REG: 1 )
Mitaroka's Performances for Yeaddin in Season One earned him Youth Player of the Year Honors along with Yeaddin's Stellar Division Championship in the Inagural Vilitan season. Mitaroka never developed into the powerhouse force that was expected from his early performances, but is expected to make a great coach one day do to his leadership both on and off the field at Yeaddin Owls AFC. Mitaroka has indicated he may retire from the International scene after the World Cup Finals in Turori, to concentrate on coaching and regional competitions.

[ 26 ] Marasent Sioane [ - Marine Coast United - ]
------- M RLC ( AGE: 30 GOALS::SR: 3 U21: 1 REG: 0 )
Marasent Sioane is one of the impressive youth talents bred out of the formerly productive Alikka-Corra Academy. Making his international debut in Under-21 World Cup III, Siaone's performances in Vilita's shock runner-up ride earned him a lucrative transfer to Kingsfordian club Barcoenfuego. Upon the collapse of the Kingsford pillar league, Sioane signed a one year deal with Vilitan side Turoki Isle. However, the makeshift Islanders failed to impress, and Sioane decided a home was to be found in Crosaibi, joining one of the most historic teams in all of Vilita, Marine Coast United.


FORWARDS:

[ 16 ] Callum Banda [ - Marine Coast United - ]
------- F C ( AGE: 33 GOALS::SR: 53 U21: 6 REG: 1 )
Sensational Striker averaging over a goal per game in the U21's remarkable Runner-Up performances in U21 WC3. First Appeared for the National team in World Cup 13 and scored the Jungle Cats first ever goal in Inter-NationStatal Competition in the 2-1 over Compound Interest. Banda set a Vilitan record by scoring 10 times during World Cup 19 Qualifying, includding his 50th career goal, both in all international competitions, and his 50th Senior-National tally with the equalizer against Tadjikistan. Banda capped off a sensational season by winning his first Vilitan Most Valuable Player award.

[ 43 ] Riccardo Appolloni [ - Yeaddin Owls AFC - ]
------- F C ( AGE: 23 GOALS::SR: 3 U21: 6 REG: 0 )


[ 12 ] Serge DuPont [ - Strike FC - ]
------- F C ( AGE: 30 GOALS::SR: 22 U21: 8 REG: 17 )
Youthful Prospect Striker signing for Strike FC prior to VL Season Two. Made International Senior Debut in World Cup XV Qualfiying against the East Asian Empire and has been favored on the senior bench over veteren Lorenzo Mumamba. Has scored at the inter

[ 18 ] Carmine Mbidzo [ - Marine Coast United - ]
------- F C ( AGE: 26 GOALS::SR: 10 U21: 17 REG: 9 )
Former Understudy to the inseperable strike partnership of Callum Banda and Jim Vella at Marine Coast United. Transferred to Cednia Beach after Requesting First-Team Football.

[ 17 ] Mauro Baraza [ - Eastal Lunar - ]
------- F C ( AGE: 25 GOALS::SR: 3 U21: 10 REG: 2 )

Revolution get Progressa

One of the biggest political partnerships finally meets it's match

One of the biggest surges of flight and ticket bookings struck Dance 2 Revolution following the World Cup 20 draw. Dance 2 Revolution would get the chance, after 8 cups of waiting, to play the Progressians. The allocation of tickets to D2R has basically sold out after only 48 hours of being available.

Now to look at the group:

Dance 2 Revolution .:1:.A.K.A.: Argentina and Chelsea

'1st in the world? You're having a laugh.' many sing to Dance 2 Revolution on their travels. But now they will have to be silenced after the latest batch of official rankings declared D2R WAS actually 1st. Annoyingly, we can't see them winning the cup, but we hope they do.

Record: P170 W93 D31 L46 GF283 GA193 GD:+90

Kaze Progressa .:9:.A.K.A.: Portugal and Bolton Wanderers

Our idol's, on and off the pitch. D2R started in a tournament organised by the Progressian government, which D2R won. They then proceeded onto KP hosted WC12, and almost qualified. Then, after absence of WC16 due to civil problems. D2R returned to KP hosted WC17, and almost won it. And all the way, D2R have been waiting to test their credentials against Kaze. And now they have the opportunity.

Melmond .:10:.A.K.A.: Mexico and Manchester City

Have played in a cup hosted by these guys. That cup was surrounded by come suspision when KP(haven't we mentioned these guys enough already?) reached the finals witthout conceding a goal then lost to the host.

Sarzonia .:31:.A.K.A.: The Ukraine and Leeds United

Don't know much about these, rumour has it they are quite deadly in front of goal.

Stars ready for a difficult 'Dance'

Bisarley, Starblaydia (AS) -- It doesn't get any harder for the Sarzonian national football team than this. The first match for the Stars after slipping in its last three matches to finish third in Group 10 will be against a Dance 2 Revolution side that recently ascended to the top ranking in all of NationStates football.

"We sure know how to start off with a huge mountain to climb," Coach Dave Wilson said with a slight smirk. "We can't afford to go into this match feeling like we're not going to win. That kind of attitude will guarantee that we can't win this game. We have to go out there and give as good as we've got."

The Stars have been reviewing tapes of Dance 2 Revolution and aren't announcing any changes to the starting 11, but sources close to the team suggest they are considering benching center back Corey Hemby and playing a 3-5-2 with Henrik Bastale entering the lineup as an additional midfielder.

"A lot's going to depend on their style of play," midfielder Darwin Russell said. "We're going to go in with an idea of what we can do matchups wise against them. We think there are some things we can exploit."

Some observers around the football world are dismissing the Stars from contention given the fact the team is facing a progression of top-10 teams in the World Cup's so-called Group of Death, but Wilson sharply brushed aside any suggestions of that.

"Like I said earlier, you're not beaten until the final whistle blows and they have more goals than you," he said angrily. "Talk like that and thinking like that only gets you mentally behind." Wilson said. The Stars hope their team unity and work ethic will help them post their first win against a team ranked number one in the rankings after reading reports of the team's coach berating his team for a lack of effort.

"I can't worry about how their coach is training their players. I've got my own lads to worry about," Wilson said. "We're going to have to go at them like they're going to be a committed unit which we fully expect they will be."

Melmond Draws Group D: Reaction
By Henry Kalangalangalang of the Melmond City Herald

PENNINGWORTH, STARBLAYDIA—D is for death and that is good enough for me. But will the Fearless Farmers be good enough to survive this cups group of death? Some claim Group F featuring Vilita, Eauz, and The Eagles Nest is the true group of death, but if you just look at the rankings, you will know for sure that D is for death. The Fearless Farmers come to the World Cup on a rather high note, knowing that they have overcame the adversity of having to play while their homeland was under invasion, and playing rather well. However, despite the great perseverance from the Fearless Farmers and the great leadership shown by Manager David Bixler, there is a rumour that Bixler may be on his way out if the Fearless Farmers underperform in the World Cup. This group certainly gives a feeling of déjà vu all over again as this is the third time out of four World Cups Melmond is placed in Group D and for the third time out of four World Cups Kaze Progressa is in their group. Sarzonia makes their second appearance in Melmond’s group. Let us look at the this daunting Group D.

Dance 2 Revolution is the only side in this group that the Fearless Farmers have never faced. Being the number one ranked side in the world does show a testament to their talents. However, this has to be one of the weakest number one teams in memory and the Fearless Farmers have proven able to beat number one sides in the past. Either way, expect a good match against the two sides.

For the third time out of four World Cup appearances, Kaze Progressa is once again in Melmond’s group. Oddly enough, the four times the sides have met was in either the World Cup or the Cup of Harmony. In each tournament, each side won one match. However, this Kaze Progressa side doesn’t seem to have the push that the strong Progressan sides of World Cup 17 and 18. In this tough group, they will be on the outside looking in.

The Stars of Sarzonia really deserve better. They are a team that seems to be perpetually on the rise, and whatever opportunity to finally get closer to the upper echelon of footballing ends in an overwhelming avalanche of overwhelming talent of their opponents. Perhaps they should change their names to “the star-crossed.”

The Prediction
1. Melmond
2. Dance 2 Revolution
3. Kaze Progressa
4. Sarzonia

Melmond World Cup Schedule (all in Starblaydia)

v Kaze Progressa (Iota “Big Eye” Stadium, Penning worth)
v Dance 2 Revolution (Obsidian Palace, Bisarley)
v Sarzonia (Obsidian Palace, Bisarley)

Next Game
vs. Kaze Progressa (Iota “Big Eye” Stadium, Penningworth)

Well, every first match in the World Cup seems like a must win match. In a way where only three matches determine your fate, it is. Melmond and Kaze Progressa will meet for the third time in the World Cup in this rubber match of sort. Melmond is coming of a high point as they fought through invasion to qualify whereas the once mighty Progressans barely even qualified for the World Cup. Should be a great match nonetheless. Here is Manager David Bixler’s starting lineup for the Fearless Farmers.

GK- Alex McCarthy
D- Notint Hecloset
D- Veronica Dean
D- Charles Unne
D- Laola Saenu
M- Peeko Noodleschlausen
M- Martin Goodwin Jr.
M- Pauline Hulme
M- Jake Cormier
F- Gene MacDougall
F- Tim Remans

For tickets to Starblaydia and the match, call the Therewegoes Travel Agency at 3-18-357-9009. There are few tickets reserved so call very soon!!! Although the people of Starblaydia seem like very nice people, looking at their government description, you are likely to be Starblaydian purple if you don’t know the strict rules there. A manual of the laws in Starblaydia which differ from the laissez-faire Melmond will be given to all travelers to the match.

Ians Fail To Advance

MAWR, Druidia -- There are a few things in life the outcome of which might be predicted with alarming regularity. One of them regards the Ians’ performance after qualifying is over.

The Ians will NEVER, EVER meet expectations. They will either lead a victorious and glorious drive as the underdog or they will flop and be the object of scorn and ridicule as the top dogs.

Which is why there could have been no greater disaster than the Ians being drawn as the top seed in Group E. The Ians surely wish that the only other thing in football of which you can be sure - that Iansisle will be drawn into a group with Jerusalem - had held true.

The Ians first loss will come against Commerce Heights, who will give them a solid 3-0 drubbing; they’ll draw against home team Druidia, just to establish a glimmer of hope; and EL CID THE HERO will mercilessly stomp them into the ground.

With the Cherry Cup not looking to start for another week, the Ians will have a chance to set the pace in the new contest which the Department of Sports, Games and Recreation has devised. Unfortunately for them, it will take a mere one Gulls victory in the Cherry Cup to beat their terrible performance in Group E.

If only we had been drawn with Audioslavia! We just KNOW we can score another goal against them now, cheaters to cover their suckiness though they are.

To: Alvin Ker (President - aSWORD) <a_ker@asword.gov.rd>>
From: Chris Gwee (WC Head Coach/Chisai'nihon FC) <cgwee@cnfc.org.rd>>
Subject: WC Group Draws

Seems like we are set for yet another 3rd place in finish as always.. We've got the host #18 Starblaydia, #15 Svecia, and #27 The Belmore Family. On a happier note, we are now at #19 after the qualifying.

We haven't played Starblaydia yet, but as for the other 2, there have been a couple of meetings each. But I predict either them giving us a total thrash, or a plain draw.

Back in WC16 and 17 in Round 1, we lost to Svecia both times 0-1 and 1-2. Here's to hoping that we can defeat them this time. I think our standards might be close enough that it might be a close match.

As for TBF, we drew them twice during the WC9 Qualifiers, but that was a long time ago.. I think our standards have polarised during these long years, enough to defeat them...

But then again, it's all too close. Starblaydia is a favourite to top the table, and Svecia next. We'll try to give them critics a run for their money.

I've heard no news about the schedules yet, so you'll definitely hear from me soon.

Unnamed helper: "Sir, I've commisioned a regular piece in the NEWI of the World to try to get us a new rival."

President Smith: "And what is it?"

Unnamed helper: "Well, basically, we just get Liam Gessemschmitthaagen-Po to take the piss out of all our opponents, eventually, one'll take offence, and hey presto, rivals galore!"

President Smith: "Excellent!"



NEWI OF THE WORLD

Liam Gessemschmitthaagen-Po presents...
WORLD CUP DONKEYWATCH
A new regular look at the hopeless and clueless in the footballing world.

This week: EL CID THE HERO

Welcome to everyone from around the world to Starblaydia and Druida for the World Cup finals. Druida's opening match is tomorrow against those loudmouth lions from EL CID THE HERO. So just who exactly are we going to be trying to make ourselves heard over as we open up at Griffin Park?

In goal, number 1) David Niemi. Lumbering goalkeeper who is that poor, he was kept out of the side by top flapper-abouter Kim Dash towards the end of qualifying. And he conceded three goals in one game. OK, not that bad, but against Raptor Claw! Hmmm.

2) Roy Hunter. Who is Roy? And why is this guy hunting him? Surely he should get back to moping about in the El Cid backline instead of swanning around looking for someone we don't even know exists. Apparently, James Hunter also used to be on the El Cid roster, but I guess they must have found him

3) Sid Soup. Right back who scored recently against Melmond. Unfortunately, he must have forgotten what the hell he was supposed to be doing, i.e. defending, as they shipped in three goals. Interestingly, the only international player named after something you can drink to keep you warm. Other than little known Svecian reserve player Andreas Bovril.

4) Jim Quite. Or as opposition players like to call him, "Jim not quite". Or something else we're not allowed to print in an international family publication.

5) Sid Kan. Or as opposition players like to call him, "Sid Can't". Or something else we're not allowed to print in an international family publication.

6) Barry Trotter. The El Cid penalty taker, or as opposition players like to call him, "redundant". Plays as if he has trotters instead of feet, which is probably good enough to get him into the El Cid starting eleven no problem. Hat-trick tomorrow.

Next up: Iansisle. That's after we've all been to get our hearing checked out after the El Cid... sorry, EL CID racket.



Unnamed helper: "Well? What do you think?"

President Smith: "I'm sure he'll get better. He'd better..."

"So what happened on the job then, Charlie?"

"Well," Charlie continued his story, "we caused a traffic jam in the city by knackering all the traffic lights. Then, using trucks and stuff, we nicked the security van containing the Boots of Banda."

"Callum's Cleats!" exclaimed a man beside him.

"Exactly," Charlie confirmed, carrying on, "then we put the boots and some handy gold - that was just lying around, mind - into Red, White and Navy-Blue Mini Coopers - very patriotic, mind - and got out of the city through some impressive driving."

"Crazy Nova Britannican driving, you mean," another man said.

"Probably," Charlie allowed the point, "but that's just the side of the road we drive on, thankyou very much. Anyway, we put the Mini's into the back of a bus, then offloaded the Boots and the Gold, then chucked the Minis down the hill, and we were off."

"But what went wrong, Charlie?" Worsley was a good storyteller, they just couldn't get enough.

"Shut up and I'll tell you," he threatened, "well our bus driver was on the old wacky baccy, y'know? So his driving goes right down the Khazi* and bosh, we're hanging over the edge of a huge cliff." Charlie held his arms out, as if to balance, just for effect. "So, the bus tilts back and the Daisies* go flying and the doors pop open and I'm on the floor inching to the Daisies* and i say:

'Hang on a minute, lads, I've got a great idea'

"And then, you'll never believe this, I..."

"Shower Time!" The guard interrupted him, rattling his baton acorss the metal bars of the cell. "Come on you waste-of-space criminals, the VOIA doesn't let you scum get dirty! Move it!"

The bars of the communal cell swung back and everyone was let out. Nice of the Vilitans to have us prisoners shower so often, Charlie thought to himself as he stood up.

"Not you, Britannican," the guard said, "you're being released - Lack of evidence."

"More like proof of innocence, chummy," Charlie sneered smugly, "I might even get back in time for the Squornshelous match, that'd be a turn up for the books."

"Quiet, Worsley."

"Don't tell me to be quiet, you cheeky monkey," Charlie was getting annoyed now, "Now get your skates on, mate, and get me slappin* of here, otherwise its your Gregory* on the line, got it?"

"Um, not really," the Guard replied.

"Let's go," Charlie explained, "I've got a match to see. Where's me whistle*?"

"Your whistle?"

"Never mind."


*A handy Nova Britannican (Rhyming) Slang Guide:
'Daisy' = Daisy Roots = Boots
'Khazi' = Toilet (don't ask us why)
'Slappin' = Slapping Trout = Out
'Gregory' = Gregory Peck = Neck
'Whistle' = Whistle and Flute = Suit

The Letter of the day is F

With match day 1 of the 20th world cup looming in the distance, Les Bleus will face, what is probably seen as one of the hardest group draws of any of the cups. Les Bleus will be facing off against Vilita, a team which Eauz has shown can play well against, losing by a 3 – 2 score in the last world cup. This match will be a heated one though, as both teams have a rivalry towards the “stronger” team of the two. Vilita will be the expected winner of this match, due in part by the rank, but don’t count Eauz out, as they cut through the qualifying round with the best record. With a few of their regular players back from injuries and sickness, Eauz will hope to be at full strength before match day 1 arrives.

The location for this match will be at the stadium of New Road in the Durida city of Bessburg. Capacity of the stadium is at 24,320, thus making it a small and compact stadium. Many Eauz fans will be attending the match, but it is expected that there will still be empty sections. This stadium will also act as a little home away from home, as Eauz will be playing 2 of their 3 group matches here. Les Bleus will have to hope that fans show up for this match, as they will need the help and support of them to start off well in this cup. A Victory or even a tie, would prove the experts wrong, that Eauz has already peaked in this cup, and will be on the downward slope once the cup starts.

the following actions happened between the hours of 8pm and 9pm.

Doomhammer walks down the street to the bus station and gets the one to the ECFA's central offices. Enters the building and takes the lift too the WC department. Meets up with his personal secretary, Mr S, Sam to discuss the issue of the WC finals.

DH: So who are we with?

SS: pardon?

DH: who. Are. We. With? You know. The world cup thing.

SS: I heard what you said. What I mean is don't you know. You’re the manager for the team for god's sake. Everyone in the country knows.

DH: be that as it may. My TV is on the blink and I haven’t seen a newspaper. So tell me whom! Are! We! With!! I need to know!!! TELL ME NOW!!!!!

SS: calm down. think of you condition. Just sit down and...

DH: NOOOOOOOOOOOW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

SS: ... ok. I’ll tell you. We don't want a repeat of the Pyramids incident. Were in group E and were expected to do well.

DH: ok

SS: but we face the host of Druida in our first match.

DH: ok

SS: we do however outrank them.

DH: ok

SS: however the newspapers there hate us and...

DH: GET TO THE OTHER TEAMS

SS: .. Theirs also Iansisle. The top seeds of the group

DH: have we played them before?

SS: not to my knowledge sir.

DH: ok not too bad, and the third?

SS: that’s Commerce Heights. They don't aspire much.

DH: Good. So 2 wins against them and Druida and we will have done it. When is the first match?

SS: not long. You best set off now in fact.

DH: k. while I’m gone get me a new TV and feed my fish.

"Mister N'Dumbu-Nsungu," the reporter asked "can you give us the run-down on Svecia, please?"

"Now look here," the Starblaydi manager began, "we've played Svecia a grand total of three times. Ever. We haven't faced them for damn-near twenty years, back when I was in the squads for Starblaydia. We've played them twice in the Qualifiers for World Cup 15, and once again in the subsequent Cup of Harmony. We drew Two-Two, won Three-One then lost Two-Nil."

The reporters were busy writing down this new information that they hadn't bothered to research already.

"So basically, we're even." The manager said. "And, for all you crazy statistican geeks, Starblaydia have lost the last meeting, so we're looking for some revenge," the sarcasm was dripping off his comment in great lumps, "we've gove a whole twenty years without avenging that torrid two-nil defeat which left us in tenth place in the Krytenia and Melmond Cup of Harmony.

"Nikola Lazerevski and Fabricio de Souza Lima both put two past Svecia, and Stefan Haldorsson slotted the other one. And, unfortunately, they're all in their late forties, so won't be having the same effect on the game as they did last time we played Svecia.

"I do, however, remember a certain upstart ninteen year-old Iskara Daii striker who was our top scorer in that Cup of Harmony. And there was a Mister Matranga who had been celebrating his three-year-old boy's birthday. If you're looking for historical precedents, ladies and gentlemen, them's the only ones.

"Now, I'd like to get back to training, thankyou, I have a team-meeting shortly."

Crystils poised to defend title

The Crystilakere Crystils are trained and ready to defend their world cup title in Druida. The Crystils ended a strong qualifying round on a sour note by ruining their unbeaten record that had extended from the world cup 19 finals. The 3-2 defeat to Jeruslem will not hurt spirits in Crystilakere after being figted a champions draw for the group stage against the three lowest ranked teams in the competition. The Crystils do not know much about their finals opponents, but have recently scouted the Krytenian team. Krytenia are the odds on favorite to follow Crystilakere through to the second round, being a home regional in Atlantian Oceania. In Lethislavania and Spaam there are two seperate roller coasters headed in two opposite directions. The Lethislavanian coast is on its way up, in their first World Cup Finals. The reigning Cup of Harmony champions will be looking to grab a few points and some experience to build on for the future. Former World Cup finalists Spaam are on the other end of the spectrum, veterans of many World Cups, but with a diminishing pool of talent to build from. Will this be a final cameo appearance for Spaam, or can they regain the spotlight they once featured in?


Predicted Finishing Order:

Crystilakere
Krytenia
Lethislavania
Spaam

To: NationStates WC Community
From: Alvin Ker (President - aSWORD) <a_ker@asword.gov.rd>
Subject: Where are the Schedules?

To all participants of WC20,
It has come to my attention that my staff at the Association for the Sports World of ORD (aSWORD) are unable to find any traces of the group draw. So far, the news they have reported is based only news by other esteemed participating nations of this great competition.

It would be of great assistance to us if anyone could direct us to where the official list of groups are, so that our team is able to compete smoothly.



OOC: in other words, WHERE IS THE THREAD... (please excuse the caps)