NationStates Jolt Archive

Scuttlebutt - Morning Edition

Chartoon Characters Create Controversy
Sten Remington Grey

Controversy errupted in the second half of the recent World Cup 18 match between One Red Dot and the Snub Nose 38 Hooligans. The match had been a well fought tacticians battle, with no score, up through the 79th minute. Then, with the Hooligans having already used three substitutions (Goofy for Mickey Mouse, L'il Abner for L'il Lulu, Tweedle-Dee for Sir Bugs of Bunny) Hooligan forward Speedy Gonzalez broke his leg on a particularly hard, albeit legal, tackle.

And, of course, this would mean the Hooligans had to finish the match with only 10 players.

Or, so one would have thought.

Quick thinking Hooligan Manager Ben Dover, remembering that his players are, after all, cartoon characters, had his assistant (Justin Case) quickly erase Speedy Gonzalez. Ben then demanded the right to have eleven players on the field.

Pandemonium ensued. One Red Dot's manager insisted that the Hooligans had already substituted three times, and that was the limit on subs. Ben Dover insisted that this was NOT a substitution, since he was not taking a player off the field, but simply bringing his numbers up to eleven.

After thoroughly reviewing the rule book, the officials stated that while it was true that each side was limited to three substitutions per match, they could find nothing prohibiting a side from adding a player to a side simply to bring the number up to the allowed eleven - provided that side had not had a player red-carded.

The addition of Tweedle-Dum to the Hooligan side was allowed.

And proved more than the One Red Dotians could handle. Tweedle-Dum paired up with Tweedle-Dee for two goals in the next 10 minutes (80th and 89th). The match ended with the score One Red Dot 0 - Hooligans 2, as the Hooligans won the match, three points, and a ticket to the next round of World Cup XVIII.

It is believed One Red Dot filed a formal complaint against the officiating crew of the match.

http://www.dirt-racing.com/3wide/sites/vilita/vn/logo.gif


Vilita 1-0 Maldunia

http://www.dirt-racing.com/3wide/sites/aofiles/rp/bar.gif
Vilita Goalscorers::
68' Serge DuPont

http://www.dirt-racing.com/3wide/sites/aofiles/rp/bar.gif

Vilita Jungle Cats (3-5-2) ::
[GK] Jimmy Kater, [D] Sibusiso Azaïez, [D] Jaloey Afrikka, [D] Emarka Laniora, [DM] Jürgen Ramzi, [M] Inaki Soler, [M] Malovar Stokks, [M] Santo Kecker, [M] Alexander Östling, [F] Serge DuPont, [F] Carmine Mbidzo
BENCH::
[F] Hluali Mijatos, [F] Lai Ncube, [M] Tanner Nerni, [M] Jonathon Stott, [U] Danilo Liguori, [D] Enzo Ahat, [GK] Ilias Soma-Phiri

Vilita Substitutions::
(73) - Carmine Mbidzo >>> Hluali Mijatos
(74) - Serge DuPont >>> Tanner Nerni
(76) - Inaki Soler >>> Ilias Soma-Phiri



Vilita 1-1 Maserrat

http://www.dirt-racing.com/3wide/sites/aofiles/rp/bar.gif
Vilita Goalscorers::
24' Serge DuPont

http://www.dirt-racing.com/3wide/sites/aofiles/rp/bar.gif

Vilita Jungle Cats (3-5-2) ::
[GK] Jimmy Kater, [D] Sibusiso Azaïez, [D] Jaloey Afrikka, [D] Emarka Laniora, [DM] Jürgen Ramzi, [M] Inaki Soler, [M] Malovar Stokks, [M] Santo Kecker, [M] Alexander Östling, [F] Serge DuPont, [F] Carmine Mbidzo
BENCH::
[F] Hluali Mijatos, [F] Lai Ncube, [M] Tanner Nerni, [M] Jonathon Stott, [U] Danilo Liguori, [D] Enzo Ahat, [GK] Ilias Soma-Phiri


Vilita Substitutions::
(58) - Carmine Mbidzo >>> Hluali Mijatos



Vilita 2-0 Somalialand

http://www.dirt-racing.com/3wide/sites/aofiles/rp/bar.gif
Vilita Goalscorers::
57' Callum Banda
77' Ilias Soma-Phiri

http://www.dirt-racing.com/3wide/sites/aofiles/rp/bar.gif

Vilita Jungle Cats (3-5-2) ::
[GK] Bryan 'Pop' Duiker, [D] Ricky Ezis, [D] Jaloey Afrikka, [D] Sibusiso Azaïez, [DM] Jürgen Ramzi, [M] Tanner Nerni, [M] Calaesa Mitaroka, [M] Santo Kecker, [M] Marasent Sioane, [F] Callum Banda, [F] Mauro Baraza
BENCH::
[F] Serge DuPont, [F] Carmine Mbidzo, [M] Inaki Soler, [M] Umberto Melli, [U] Ilias Soma-Phiri, [D] Esemar Aliana, [GK] Jimmy Kater

Vilita Substitutions::
(45) - Ricky Ezis >>> Ilias Soma-Phiri
(60) - Jaloey Afrikka >>> Inaki Soler
(60) - Santo Kecker >>> Carmine Mbidzo


Vilita 2-0 One Red Dot

http://www.dirt-racing.com/3wide/sites/aofiles/rp/bar.gif
Vilita Goalscorers::
56' Serge DuPont
75' Carmine Mbidzo

http://www.dirt-racing.com/3wide/sites/aofiles/rp/bar.gif


Vilita Jungle Cats (3-5-2) ::
[GK] Jimmy Kater, [D] Jaloey Afrikka, [D] Sibusiso Azaïez, [D] Emarka Laniora, [DM] Jürgen Ramzi, [M] Inaki Soler, [M] Umberto Melli, [M] Marasent Sioane, [M] Santo Kecker, [F] Serge DuPont, [F] Carmine Mbidzo
BENCH::
[F] Callum Banda, [F] Germán Salomón, [M] Alexander Östling, [M] Malovar Stokks, [U] Esemar Aliana, [D] Ricky Ezis, [GK] Bryan 'Pop' Duiker

Vilita Substitutions::
(45) - Jaloey Afrikka >>> Malovar Stokks
(68) - Santo Kecker >>> Germán Salomón
(73) - Emarka Laniora >>> Esemar Aliana

Vilita 2-1 Kylaai

http://www.dirt-racing.com/3wide/sites/aofiles/rp/bar.gif
Vilita Goalscorers::
24' Callum Banda
32' Umberto Melli

http://www.dirt-racing.com/3wide/sites/aofiles/rp/bar.gif


Vilita Jungle Cats (3-5-2) ::
[GK] Bryan 'Pop' Duiker, [D] Ricky Ezis, [D] Sibusiso Azaïez, [D] Jaloey Afrikka, [DM] Jürgen Ramzi, [M] Umberto Melli, [M] Tanner Nerni, [M] Marasent Sioane, [M] Santo Kecker, [F] Callum Banda, [F] Serge DuPont
BENCH::
[F] Jan Christiansen, [F] Germán Salomón, [M] Inaki Soler, [M] Calaesa Mitaroka, [U] Niccoló Mazzeo, [D] Emarka Laniora, [GK] Jimmy Kater
Vilita Substitutions::
(45) - Tanner Nerni >>> Germán Salomón
(68) - Callum Banda >>> Jan Christiansen





Vilita 9-0 Maldunia

http://www.dirt-racing.com/3wide/sites/aofiles/rp/bar.gif
Vilita Goalscorers::
1' Callum Banda
6' Malovar Stokks
14' Serge DuPont
24' Callum Banda
32' Serge DuPont
41' Serge DuPont
53' Ricky Ezis
84' Jürgen Ramzi
90' Umberto Melli

http://www.dirt-racing.com/3wide/sites/aofiles/rp/bar.gif

Vilita Jungle Cats (3-5-2) ::
[GK] Jimmy Kater, [D] Emarka Laniora, [D] Sibusiso Azaïez, [D] Ricky Ezis, [DM] Jürgen Ramzi, [M] Inaki Soler, [M] Malovar Stokks, [M] Alexander Östling, [M] Umberto Melli, [F] Callum Banda, [F] Serge DuPont
BENCH::
[F] Germán Salomón, [F] Hluali Mijatos, [M] Marasent Sioane, [M] Santo Kecker, [U] Jaloey Afrikka, [D] Danilo Liguori, [GK] Bryan 'Pop' Duiker


Vilita Substitutions::
(24) - Inaki Soler >>> Marasent Sioane
(45) - Callum Banda >>> Germán Salomón
(45) - Malovar Stokks >>> Santo Kecker




Vilita 2-1 The Lowlands Clans

http://www.dirt-racing.com/3wide/sites/aofiles/rp/bar.gif
Vilita Goalscorers::
24' Serge DuPont
81' Umberto Melli

http://www.dirt-racing.com/3wide/sites/aofiles/rp/bar.gif

Vilita Jungle Cats (3-5-2) ::
[GK] Jimmy Kater, [D] Jaloey Afrikka, [D] Esemar Aliana, [D] Ricky Ezis, [DM] Jürgen Ramzi, [M] Santo Kecker, [M] Calaesa Mitaroka, [M] Umberto Melli, [M] Malovar Stokks, [F] Callum Banda, [F] Serge DuPont
BENCH::
[F] Germán Salomón, [F] Carmine Mbidzo, [M] Marasent Sioane, [M] Inaki Soler, [U] Enzo Ahat, [D] Emarka Laniora, [GK] Bryan 'Pop' Duiker



Vilita Substitutions::
(21) - Esemar Aliana >>> Marasent Sioane






Vilita 3-3 Lykaia

http://www.dirt-racing.com/3wide/sites/aofiles/rp/bar.gif
Vilita Goalscorers::
39' Serge DuPont
72' Marasent Sioane
89' Callum Banda

http://www.dirt-racing.com/3wide/sites/aofiles/rp/bar.gif


Vilita Jungle Cats (3-5-2) ::
[GK] Jimmy Kater, [D] Jaloey Afrikka, [D] Sibusiso Azaïez, [D] Emarka Laniora, [DM] Jürgen Ramzi, [M] Santo Kecker, [M] Calaesa Mitaroka, [M] Tanner Nerni, [M] Umberto Melli, [F] Serge DuPont, [F] Callum Banda
BENCH::
[F] Carmine Mbidzo, [F] Mauro Baraza, [M] Marasent Sioane, [M] Alexander Östling, [U] Esemar Aliana, [D] Danilo Liguori, [GK] Bryan 'Pop' Duiker


Vilita Substitutions::
(64) - Calaesa Mitaroka >>> Mauro Baraza
(71) - Santo Kecker >>> Marasent Sioane




Vilita 3-0 Maserrat

http://www.dirt-racing.com/3wide/sites/aofiles/rp/bar.gif
Vilita Goalscorers::
40' Callum Banda
77' Tanner Nerni
86' Serge DuPont

http://www.dirt-racing.com/3wide/sites/aofiles/rp/bar.gif

Vilita Jungle Cats (3-5-2) ::
[GK] Jimmy Kater, [D] Esemar Aliana, [D] Sibusiso Azaïez, [D] Ricky Ezis, [DM] Jürgen Ramzi, [M] Santo Kecker, [M] Umberto Melli, [M] Tanner Nerni, [M] Inaki Soler, [F] Callum Banda, [F] Serge DuPont
BENCH::
[F] Germán Salomón, [F] Jan Christiansen, [M] Alexander Östling, [M] Marasent Sioane, [U] Tanner Lembi, [D] Enzo Ahat, [GK] Bryan 'Pop' Duiker


Vilita Substitutions::
(45) - Ricky Ezis >>> Marasent Sioane

Dance 2 Victory

The Orange-Blues defeated World Cup 17 finalist Dance 2 Revolution in (more or less) regular time 3:2. The match was a pleasent surprise (at least for foreigners) from the highly defensive System Jesejil or System Karela, which prevailed in the previous matches. The matches of the Orange-Blues attract a low number of neutral visitors since it is impossible to get tickets when a fanatic mob of rejistanis is also interested and also the number of foreigners who want to watch rejistani 10 men defense is low compared to international standard. The few neutrals in this match saw a System Hangila from the Rejistanis against a System Hangila from the Dancers. Syku "SyMji" Lyku was a starter again after a while of being benched in favor of Salakerijasamenatira "Sa" Harakemindanutikejil.

In the first minutes of the game, Über'he used his godmoddy powers to outsmart two rejistani defenders and caused the 0:1. Only 2 minutes later, "Sa" equalized the score. The defense of Dance 2 Revolution was shaky and derinda did not look good in that scene. Despite numerous chances for both sides, the score remained 1:1 for the rest of the first half. In the second half, SyMji prepared the 2:1 by "Sa" with a quick pass to the player with the number 7, outsmarting the Revolutionary defense. The Orange-Blues could enjoy the lead for entire 11 minutes until a ball from the 'second row' shot by Naoki Maeda surprised Ninu Juru. This was the 200th goal for the Revolutionaries, so the fans cheered like crazy. The Orange-Blues attacked fiercely in the rest of the match and the Revolutionaries concentrated more on defending. The regular time passed and injury time began: a high ball from midfielder Tuade Lue was intercepted by SyMji. The famous Hadesi forward secured the win for the Orange-Blues when he somehow managed to get the ball past goalie Verdio Day and into the net.

The result:
Rejistania 3(Harakemindanutikejil 4th 62th, Syku Lyku 90th)
Dance 2 Revolution 2(Über 2th, Naoki Maeda 73th)

VILÄMNA DAGENS NYHETER

SVECIANS SKEPTICAL OF VILITA REPORT
Claim of "second meeting" eyed warily by some

- A recent claim by a Vilitan newspaper, the same one that erroneously predicted that Svecia would underachieve and finish in 5th place in their qualifying group in World Cup 15, that Svecia and Vilita have already met was viewed with great uncertainty and skepticism by many residents of Svecia.

"I honestly don´t remember hearing of Vilita before this year" said Anna S., a resident of Kystig. "If it was in World Cup 15 then I would have been 6 years old."

Another Lightning fan, Günter H. and his wife Bertha of Svees both agreed that Vilita "definitely has a history of false reporting." They said "Perhaps the news reporters worked for the United States CIA in their past lives."

Mark P., an exchange student from Melmond studying at the University of Vilämna for the semester, did remember the match. "Yeah man, I totally remember that one, right? Ok, so, I think it was, what, maybe last Cup, right? Yeah, and you guys totally rocked them, wasn´t it? And, and then, um hold on man, thats right, right?." he said.

Tomas Kristiansand of the Landslag also remembered the match, although in a little more detail: "I remember my youth coach watching the game with us, but I don´t think the game your´re referring to was against Vilita. It was a major win against Lemmitania because everyone hated them. But I do remember the Vilita newspaper scandal and this report is probably no better researched than the other one about us."

The Bedistan Sports Digest

Into the Nest
Melmond draw sufficient to move on

TOUSTROUVEUX, Eauz -- Ironically enough, two capitalist nations, Bedistan and Melmond, would be locked in a life-and-death battle to get into the knockout stages in a stadium called Socialism. And maybe this explains the very socialistic 1-1 score at the end of the match. It was much more exciting than it sounds, though. Melmond scored early when Ojfssnsj Xrnym found a hole in the Lions' defense and took a shot; the ball bounced off goalkeeper paulinem's left side and into the net. The Fearless Farmers would hold this 1-0 lead for almost the entire match, but around the 80th minute the Melmond team started to become overwhelmed with excitement at the now very real possibility of defeating the co-hosts, eliminating them from the competition and going through in their stead. This caused them to start making mistakes, and Jackson Reinhardt capitalized on a mis-step by marker Trav Strachan to score the equalizer from fifteen yards out. Due to the pre-MD3 group standings, Bedistan would go through in second place in the case of a draw, and Melmond would finish third. When the whistle blew, that's exactly what happened.

But the Lions have a very tough road to the final. Their second round opponent is none other than The Eagle's Nest, certainly no pushover. This match will be played at a venue yet to be decided, though we're sure it'll be worked out before the match.

BEDISTAN 1
J. Reinhardt 84
MELMOND 1
O. Xrnym 13

A NATION IN SHOCK: KAZE PROGRESSA 4 NEWI CEFN DRUIDS 2?

The whole of the country decided collectively that the old, notoriously poor Druids turned up for last night's match. At least for the first half. Sani Luvo scored a hat-trick, with three speculative shots that somehow slipped past the horrific Lee Bell to set alarm bells ringing throughout the stadium... 'Are we at the right match?'.

Even when the Druids did score (twice), it was from Liam Gessemschmitthaagen-Po - actually of Giant Zucchini, but that place went to the great cucumber in the sky. And just when it seemed as though the Progressans had thrown it away again, the man who came off the bench to stop the rot - defender Jaulinta Bavjizi - did not only that, but headed a goal from a corner to kill off the Druids once and for all.

It is assumed that the Progressans will lose again in the second round. The nation is too used to it. But the dreams of this inherantly pessimistic nation are not dead, despite the opinions of most of its citizens.

One day, they'll cheer up, surely?

Kaze Progressa 4 [Luvo 24,31,41, Bavjizi 81]
NEWI Cefn Druids 2 [Gessemschmitthaagen-Po 59, 72]

ooc: Questions -

1. Not a burning question, but here it is none the less...

KP and SN38 in Group E have both played 3, won 1, drawn 2, lost 0, have 6 goals for, 4 against, gd of 2, and 5 points. The one head-to-head match between KP and SN38 ended in a 2-2 draw.

IF we had to determine which was who, how?

2. {2RTG placeholder}?

1. KP brought that to my attention on IRC earlier; I hadn't noticed it previously. In this case, we are making the determination based on qualifying performance, in which case KP gets the nod for first place.

2. 2RTG is an abbreviation for "2nd round telegram". Basically, I posted that for administrative purposes having to deal with the RP bonus (there's a cutoff there). I had hoped to get 2nd round telegrams out shortly afterward, but there's a bit of a delay now related to Eauz's internet server being down. When that happened, the post would've been edited with a message to that effect. It's similar to what I did with every qualifying matchday.

Where is the "who vs who" for 2nd round posted?

Snub: Right here. ;) (I hadn't made the post yet)

World Cup 18 - Second Round

Eauzian Bracket

Rejistania v Svecia
Le Stade d'Eauz, Zuka

Vilita v Dance 2 Revolution
Parc des Mémoire, Bruzze

Lovisa v Iansisle
Mont-Vilneau, Liège

The Eagle's Nest v Bedistan
Bordeux, Rébur

Bedistani Bracket

Kaze Progressa v Tadjikistan
Kingston Stadium, Jamaica

Snub Nose 38 v Audioslavia
Stephen Rogers Memorial Stadium, Yuba

Squornshelous v Eauz
Holmes Stadium, Columbia

Turori v Liverpool England
Akoki Stadium, Port Lusambo

And now Second Round scores have actually been telegrammed.

Round of 16 Set


Eauz

2nd Round Quarter Finals Semi Final

Rejistania (1) ---------
| ------------------------
Svecia (10) ------------ |
| ------------------------
Vilita (7) ------------- |
| ------------------------
Dance 2 Revolution (18)-

Lovisa (30) ------------
| ------------------------
Iansisle (11) ---------- |
| ------------------------
The Eagles Nest (5) ---- |
| ------------------------
Bedistan (2) -----------




Bedistan

2nd Round Quarter Finals Semi Final

Kaze Progressa (17) ----
| ------------------------
Tadjikistan (34) ------- |
| ------------------------
Snub Nose 38 (46) ------ |
| ------------------------
Audioslavia (6) --------

Squornshelous (16) -----
| ------------------------
Eauz (4) --------------- |
| ------------------------
Turori (29) ------------ |
| ------------------------
Liverpool England (12) -

TEN Stuns Bedistan 4-1 In Second Round

Late Burst Clinch Match For Strike Birds

The Eagle's Nest survived it's 2nd Round game against Bedistan with an emphatic flourish late in the second half to blow the game open and move the Birds on to the Quarterfinals.

With the match tied at 1 all at halftime, it was evident that both sides were trying to control the middle and get that one chance to gain the lead. However, a horrific tackle on Siggy Secour just inside the box gave the Nest a PK which was put home by Secour to gain the second goal at the 75th minute. Bedistan immediately started pressing the attack, but the Nest gained control and put in a long pass to a galloping Horace who bounced the ball off of the post to make it 3-1. The same thing happened not 3 minutes later to make the final score 4-1.

The win will move the Quarterfinals for the 4th time in team history where they are 2-1 all time.


In other news, a company in the Nest has announced they will be selling Cheer boxes for the 8 teams that are left in the World Cup. A cheer box is a small handheld sound projection machine that will project one of 8 preprogrammed team cheers. These Boxes will be on sale outside the stadiums and will be available online through contacts to each country left in the cup. If these work well, then before the next cup they will be available for all countries.

Pschychoes Defeat French Types

Both Hosts eliminated in second round

Squornshelous pulled off an upset defeat of Eauz, which, coupled with The Eagles Nest defeating Bedistan, eliminated both Hosts from the Cup. With this game behind us, we look ahead to our quarterfinal matchup, where we will play the winner of Liverpool England - Turori. Liverpool England, ironically paired with Squornshelous for a hosting bid for this very World Cup, and Turori was a first round opponent of ours. The Pschychoes will be happy toprove themselves against either team. On the other side of the Bedistani bracket, we will be cheering for Audioslavia, since a match between our teams is always interesting. In the Eauzian Bracket, we are supporting Dance 2 Revolution, in the hopes that we will be able to redeem ourselves for our dismal showing in last cup's first round.

The scoring in this game started with an early goal by Eauz. In the 16th minute, Henri Manners passed the ball forward to Thierry Alia, who sent an unstoppable shot across Perez into the corner of the net. However, Stanley Perkins made a long lob up to Rodolfo Puente in the 23rd, that lead to the tying goal. Puente controlled the ball, and looked up for targets. Immediately, he found Bjorn Arnesson across the field. He sent the ball over the defenders' heads to Arnesson, who fired on the volley. His shot came back out off the goalpost, but Igor Raskolnikov was in position to direct it back in past a diving Michël Rousoi.
The game remained tight, with neither side scoring or really having much of a chance, due to both defenses buckling down after the first goals. However, With a player liek Igor Raskolnikov, a defense has to be alert at all times. In the 65th minute, Raskolnikov stole the ball from a tiring Vincent Devereux. Despite cries of foul from Eauzian fans, the referee, Matthis Pojkong of Svecia (4:7), let play continue. Raskolnikov raced Guillaume Ulfston down the filed and fired from just outside the box, beating Rousoi with ease.
Late in the game, Travis Delmore made a phenomenal play to keep les Bleus from forcing extra time. Matthieu Rousseau was breaking away down the left sideline, and was in position for a cross to the middle, where Éric Godenot and Thierry Alia waited. However, just as he was about to send it, Delmore slid in from upfield to put his legs and feet between the ball and its destination. The rebound came up and hit Rousseau in the face, taking him momentarily off balance. Delmore took advantage of that time to steal the ball and clear it out of danger.

Final Score:
Squornshelous 2-1 Eauz

Scoring Summary:
EZ: Alia [16]
SQ: Raskolnikov [23]
SQ: Raskolnikov [65]

Squornshelous' Scorers:
Raskolnikov: 19
Puente: 9
Castillan: 7
Arnesson: 3
Friedel: 1

'SLAVES SNUB SECOND-ROUND CURSE
'Slaves win a second-round match for the second time in ten attempts -----------------------------------------
| 1 |
| Fudd |
| |
| 2 3 67 22 |
| Daisy Tweety Sylvester Donald |
| |
| |
| |
| 8 11 10 80 |
| Porky Leghorn Micky Petunia |
| |
| |
| 9 17 |
| Gonzalez Bunny |
| |
-----------------------------------------
| |
| 17 9 |
| Dannes McLLroy |
| |
| 11 |
| Marriot |
| 14 20 |
| Jansen 19 Fox |
| Cailan |
| |
| 16 13 |
| Crevan 5 3 Rijsbergen |
| Johnstone Romanov |
| |
| 1 |
| Andersson |
-----------------------------------------

With a skip, a jump and a 'th, th, th, thats all folks', the Snub Nose 38 team left Bedistan's Stephen Rogers memorial stadium to book their flight back home.

Not to be unexpected of course, but to lose to Audioslavia in a second-round game is a crime and they have let down the entire football world. The last team who did this was Europa Brittania, and look what happened to them! (concentrate more on the 'they dressed in orange kits and fucked off' thing more than on the 'won the world cup again a couple of years afterwards' thing).

As Audioslavia's media have habitually pointed out, the Snub Nose 38 team are a bunch of jokers. Indeed, Snub's attacking technique (running really fast off a cliff, wondering what happened to the ground, plummetting 10000ft downwards and being squashed by a passing anvil) seemed a bit toothless and was easily thwarted by Audioslavia's defence. This was largely thanks to Paul Ward's ingenious tactic of shouting 'Dat, dala dat dat....', to which the Snub Nose strikers would immediately stop what they were doing and shout 'Dat, DAT!' whilst posing in a weird way and allowing the 'slaves to intercept the ball.

So amusing was this ploy, that Audioslavia only found time to score the game's one and only goal in the ninetieth minute, as a Jansen shot rebounded off of the SN38 goalkeeper's blunderbuss and ricocheted into the top corner.

FINAL SCORE
Audioslavia 1 (Jansen, 90)
Snub Nose 38 0 (No-one, Never)

Rejistania (1) ---------
| ------------------------
Svecia (10) ------------ |
| ------------------------
Vilita (7) ------------- |
| ------------------------
Dance 2 Revolution (18)-

Lovisa (30) ------------
| ------------------------
Iansisle (11) ---------- |
| ------------------------
The Eagles Nest (5) ---- |
| The Eagles Nest (5) ----
Bedistan (2) -----------

Kaze Progressa (17) ----
| ------------------------
Tadjikistan (34) ------- |
| ------------------------
Snub Nose 38 (46) ------ |
| Audioslavia ------------
Audioslavia (6) --------

Squornshelous (16) -----
| Squornshelous ----------
Eauz (4) --------------- |
| ------------------------
Turori (29) ------------ |
| ------------------------
Liverpool England (12) -

So the 'slaves find themselves in the quarter finals for only the second time in history, to face one of either Tadjikistan or Kaze Progressa.

Not wanting to eschew the Audioslavian media's tradition of expecting the team to explode like rat-bags when the going gets tough, but Audioslavia look the most likely out of the above three teams to get to the semis. Audioslavia have already beaten Tadjikistan three times (2-0, 3-0, 2-1) on the way to here, whilst the only other Audioslavia-Kaze Progressa football match ended with an Audioslavia victory.

In other news, the two hosts of the tournament managed to get themselves knocked out in emphatic style. Tournament co-favourites Bedistan were royally thumped by The Eagles Nest whilst Eauz were narrowly beaten by auld audio enemies Squornshelous

I B J J, G'N B

Rematch Set With Cocky Strike Birds
Ians find their offense; power past Lovisa into quarterfinals

EAUZ -- Communist turf has been good to Iansisle in the Eighteenth World Cup. Many analysts credit Iansisle’s kinda-sorta revolution (which was really just the bourgeoisie wielding the proletariat against the aristocracy) for the support.

“Our flag is red,” said forward Tom Ravenhill, “and it does feature some rather socialist imagery. I can see how people could be tricked into thinking that our faux liberal provisional government is really an extension of the international worker’s struggle. Oh well. As long as we win, right?”

Lovisa was certainly feeling the red menace as Iansisle dropped the hammer and sickle on it five goals to one. Ravenhill led the attack with two early goals.

The victory will pit Iansisle against the Strike Birds of the Eagles Nest for the second time this World Cup. The Strike Birds walked all over a hesitant Iansisle the first time, but many hope that the rematch will be a more true match of the teams’ respective abilities.

“I think that we have one of the best offenses in modern football,” said coach David Westmore, “as well as a great young goalkeeper in James Goodman. We can beat these darn avian footballers.”

Around the Cup, the Ians were disappointed to notice that Audioslavia also advanced to the quarterfinals.

“It is the ultimate goal of every Iansisle team,” said Sir Gregory Penns-McCormick, the Director of Sports, Games, and Recreation, “to be better than Audioslavia. Now we have to beat the Strike Birds - every ounce of pride left in our bodies demands it.”

Many Ians fans also ordered those newfangled ‘cheer-boxes’ from the Eagles Nest.

“I can’t wait to hear what it yells,” said one excited Ians fan. “I hope it’s ‘***** *** **** ** ***! Death to the Strike Birds, and Audioslavia as long as we’re at it!’”

EDIT: Keepin' the chart updated:

Rejistania (1) ---------
| ------------------------
Svecia (10) ------------ |
| ------------------------
Vilita (7) ------------- |
| ------------------------
Dance 2 Revolution (18)-

Lovisa (30) ------------
| Iansisle (11)-----------
Iansisle (11) ---------- |
| ------------------------
The Eagles Nest (5) ---- |
| The Eagles Nest (5) ----
Bedistan (2) -----------

Kaze Progressa (17) ----
| ------------------------
Tadjikistan (34) ------- |
| ------------------------
Snub Nose 38 (46) ------ |
| Audioslavia (6)---------
Audioslavia (6) --------

Squornshelous (16) -----
| Squornshelous (16)------
Eauz (4) --------------- |
| ------------------------
Turori (29) ------------ |
| ------------------------
Liverpool England (12) -

*once again we are with the hooligans, riding (hiding?) into the sunset following a major loss. this time, amid the usual trappings of a camel caravan moving silently (?) and swiftly (again - ?) into the great alkali desert, we are treated as well to the antics of...well...characters. cartoon characters. and, somewhere just off to our left, we overhear...*

- Damn!
- Oh, Margaret, don't take it so hard.
- What?
- I said, don't take it so hard. After all, the Hooligans did qualify
- But...
- And they did safely move through the 1st round and into the round of 16.
- But...
- But what, Margaret? But what? This is all going to move the Hooligans up somewhat in the rankings. So I ask you, "But what?"
- Ben, I know these Hooligans did better than any Holligan side in recent history. I know they performed far above any expectation we could have had for them - I mean, come on...Elmer Fudd in goal? Bugs Bunny our star striker?
- What's bothering you then, Margaret?
- Just three things. One - once again we're off into hiding, where we'll have to listen to the incessant whinning of his Lordship, the dimwitted Minister of Athletics, Olympics, and Alcoholic Beverages.
- True. And?
- Two - We we forced to listen to Jeremy Jeffcakes cover a Hooligans match. I don't know that I'll ever get the taste of that out of my mouth.
- Fair enough. And?
- And three - He was funnier than me.
- Ah...well, of course, that can never be forgiven.

*g'night, bitches...er...i mean...'we follow our heros as the sun sets slowly in the west'...or, something...*

;)

sportsource.bd > Football > International > World Cup XVIII > Second Round > The Eagle's Nest v Bedistan > Match Summary

76687 spectators arrived at Bordeux, where weather conditions were pretty good for football. The match took place on neutral ground. The Eagle's Nest had chosen a strategic 4-3-3 formation. They fielded: Gregor - Rebor, Somia, Holst, Sedour - Ashallond, Graerstiow, Horace - Grotonia, Secour, Strong.

Bedistan tactics involved an interesting 4-3-3 combination. The following players had been chosen: Paulsen - Hammond, Chang, al-Armani - Willow, Yu, Patel, Takahara - Reinhardt, Xi, Cardinal.

Bedistan seemed to prefer attacking in the middle. Bedistan's Benjamin Xi gave, after 9 minutes, his team a 0 - 1 lead after an attack coming in from the right. The Eagle's Nest didn't give in and after 15 minutes Weber Strong got through the opposing side's central line of defense, rolling in the levelling goal to make it 1 - 1. Bedistan made a bid to take the lead as a ball coming in from the right hand side left Yoshimo Takahara completely alone with keeper Boyd Gregor, who made a spectacular block. The teams went for a half-time break at 1 - 1. The forty-five minutes were dominated by The Eagle's Nest, with an impressive 57 percent possession of the ball.

Jackson Reinhardt had a couple of good opportunities to reply, but the opposing team's goaltender Boyd Gregor just wouldn't surrender. The Eagle's Nest's Garric Ashallond, Jr. got himself booked after a foul. Bedistan were forced to a substitution as Carl Chang couldn't continue playing due to the rough treatment, forcing Esteban Cannon to come in from the sidelines. Bedistan's Sam Willow got himself booked after a foul. Siggy Secour took the resulting penalty and put his team up 2 - 1. The Eagle's Nest put their lead ahead another goal as Horace struck home the 3 - 1 goal, after an attack from the left setting him up unmarked with the keeper. The Eagle's Nest put their lead ahead another goal as Horace struck home the 4 - 1 goal, after an attack from the left setting him up unmarked with the keeper. The Eagle's Nest held the ball, with a clear 71 percent possession rate.

The most dominating The Eagle's Nest player was without a doubt Horace. Leonard Holst was a disappointment, however. Bedistan's best player was Jackson Reinhardt. Hank Paulsen was a disappointment, however. The match ends 4 - 1.

Highlights

0-1 Benjamin Xi (9)
1-1 Weber Strong (15)
2-1 Siggy Secour (75)
3-1 Horace (81)
4-1 Horace (84)

[Y] Garric Ashallond, Jr. (56)
[Y] Sam Willow (74)

VILÄMNA DAGENS NYHETER

HANAN BELAGT RETIRES UNDER WATCH OF BLUE SVECIANS
Striker announces his retirement from Landslag after last Cup´s magic against Rejistania not present this time around

Rejistania 4 Svecia 0

- It wasn´t supposed to have been so lopsided as this: the 10th ranked team taking on the 1st ranked in the world. A more respectable scoreline would have been 2-1 or even a 2 goal win for the Rejistanians, but not four.

Svecians went home disappointed with their team´s performance in their last two games of the World Cup, a 2-0 loss to Vilita and then a 4-0 loss to a team which the Lightning beat 2-1 last World Cup.

Svecians were hoping that the Orange and Blue would fold like last time, but with their oldschool blue and yellow jerseys, Svecia went down in orange flames.

A two goal first half output was a lead that became insurmountable for the Svecians. And two more late goals came as a result of the desperate Svecia attacks forward that left the backfield devoid of defenders.

Svecia has not managed to progress past the second round since World Cup 15 when they progressed to the quarterfinals. Fans at home are beginning to wonder when the Lightning will return to the elite tier of voetbaling nations. Despite a #10 world ranking and a solid qualifying campaign in comparison with the run in World Cup 17, Svecia has been unable to progress against less than impressive opponants, barring Rejistania in the last game.

But the biggest news of the day after Svecia losing big, was that reknowned striker Hanan Belagt announced his retirement from the Landslag, the Svecian National Voetbal team. He claimed that time commitment was a big factor but that his main reason was that he wished to devote more time to his family because his wife is suffering from liver cancer. He will still be playing for his Melmond premier league club team. Head coach Matt de Fijts was understanding of Belagt´s decision, but expressed his concerns of finding an equal replacement for Belagt. Until then the front line will still be anchored by Mikael Solskjaer and Joël Simão and possibly another forward yet to be named.

The (belated) Daily Druid

DRUIDS FLOP AGAIN
Björn-Trevor Frederiksson on Kaze Progressa 4 NEWI Cefn Druids 2

I don't know how they keep managing it, but when it comes to the World Cup Finals, the Druids suddenly go from being one of the best teams in the world and start playing like they did all those years ago when they first started out. Which, if you're Druidish, is not a good thing.

This time, the problem was an absolutely abysmal first half against the Progressans, in which they found themselves three goals down. Never good. Even a one man rescue attempt by veteran striker Liam Gessemschmitthaagen-Po, on his swansong from the team, wasn't enough to lift the Druids out of the mire.

And so, despite his best efforts and a couple of goals, the Druids were going home after the group stage of the World Cup again. Expect that ranking to take an absolute bashing in time for the next competition, when the Druids will mount a qualifying run beyond all expectations before failing miserably once they actually have to play anyone half-decent.

However, it could be without current manager Simon Greaves. The FANCD feel that since partner Trevor Kallins left for Druida and showed how good a manager he is on his own, Greaves has performed less than admirably. Infamous "no" man Amos Hinton has also been a major disappointment. The FANCD have said that if performances do not improve at the Eagles Cup in two years time, then it is the end for the pair. Liam Gessemschmitthaagen-Po has been linked with the job should Greaves get the bullet.

Public Disservice Announcement from the Ministry Of Statistics, Other Totally Useless Information, and Band Aids of the Frost-Free Borderlands of Snub Nose 38

Rejistania (1) ---------
| Rejistania (1) ---------
Svecia (10) ------------ |
| ------------------------
Vilita (7) ------------- |
| ------------------------
Dance 2 Revolution (18)-

Lovisa (30) ------------
| Iansisle (11) ----------
Iansisle (11) ---------- |
| ------------------------
The Eagles Nest (5) ---- |
| The Eagles Nest (5) ----
Bedistan (2) -----------

Kaze Progressa (17) ----
| ------------------------
Tadjikistan (34) ------- |
| ------------------------
Snub Nose 38 (46) ------ |
| Audioslavia (6) -------
Audioslavia (6) --------

Squornshelous (16) -----
| Squornshelous (16) ----
Eauz (4) --------------- |
| ------------------------
Turori (29) ------------ |
| ------------------------
Liverpool England (12) -

This has been a Public Disservice Announcement

The Minister of Athletics, Olympics, and Alcoholic Beverages takes small solace in the fact that the Hooligans were the lowest ranked side to advance to the second round. He takes that solace somewhere in the vast and unexplored reaches of the Great Alkali Desert, where he waits (impatiently) for The Guy Currently In Charge Of Stuff For The Frost-Free Borderlands of Snub Nose 38 to "get over it" and allow the Hooligans, and management, to return to Sten and begin preparations for WC XIX.

And here it ends

Kingston - A good Tadjik team beat Commerce Heights in a thrilling match. Shvydkoi and Timoshenko made the first two goals for the Tigers, but CH came back into the match and evened up the score. It was eventually a late goal by Pliiev that saved the day for Tadjikistan and Zhukov. Aquiliana failed to beat the Slaves or Commerce Heights and is last without points. Their goaldifference of -2 ment they had to win with atleast 2-0 to get over Tadjikistan, but such a win would make no difference, the Falcons can no longer qualify for the round of 16.

There was still some spirit left in them and they tried to put atleast one win behind on their list. The Tigers got pushed back and Grinniman made the first goal for the Falcons. 12 minutes later Cuniculus got the second Aquilianan goal into the Tadjik nets. That was the trigger that brought the Tigers back to life. A long pass from Pliiev was sent to Gasparian who kicked the shot into the left corner of the box. In the 87th minute, Gasparian made a second goal, giving the Tadjiks one point and the second place in the group. The Tigers had qualified for the next round.

MD1: Audioslavia - Tadjikistan L 2-1
MD2: Tadjikistan - Commerce Heights W 3-2
MD3: Aquiliana - Tadjikistan D 2-2

It was a great relief for Zhukov, who had his problems getting here. the round of 16 means playing against one of 16 strongest teams of the world. But the Tigers werent stressed, they were actually happy that they got so far.
That next opponent was Kaze Progressa, a team the Tigers met long ago. The Progressans are pessimistic and expected to lose this match. The Tigers were realistic and Zhukov knew that was still to be decided: 'We've reached the stage we got to in WC16, a win would be nice butwe all know it will be difficult. If we lose, we wont have to be ashamed of ourselves. The future looks good for us.'
But it seems the Progressans can cheer up. The Tigers were no match for a strong Progressan team. Cahztavaniko made the 1-0, Kaiziu Horaski finished it of for them and sent Tadjikistan home.

At their return, the Tigers were welcomed by their fans, happy with the endresult of the Team. Zhukov can look back now and make up a balance of the Tadjik performance. And hopefully they will return at their full strength in World Cup 19.

1/16: Kaze Progressa - Tadjikistan L 2-0



Rejistania (1) ---------
| Rejistania (1) ---------
Svecia (10) ------------ |
| ------------------------
Vilita (7) ------------- |
| ------------------------
Dance 2 Revolution (18)-

Lovisa (30) ------------
| Iansisle (11) ----------
Iansisle (11) ---------- |
| ------------------------
The Eagles Nest (5) ---- |
| The Eagles Nest (5) ----
Bedistan (2) -----------

Kaze Progressa (17) ----
| Kaze Progressa (17)-----
Tadjikistan (34) ------- |
| ------------------------
Snub Nose 38 (46) ------ |
| Audioslavia (6) -------
Audioslavia (6) --------

Squornshelous (16) -----
| Squornshelous (16) ----
Eauz (4) --------------- |
| ------------------------
Turori (29) ------------ |
| ------------------------
Liverpool England (12) -

Attack on Sirx'he failed

Ralph Sirx was shocked after the police told him that he was targetted by an attack of what seems to be a dissatified Abysmali. The main indication that the wannabe-assassin is abysmali was the spectacular way in which the assault failed: When Ralph Sirx was under a small pedastrian-bridge, the person tried to drop a huge rock on him. Witnesses told that the person was on the bridge for a while already, someone said he regularily was there, but that person never saw him having a rock next to him. When the wannabe assassinator wanted to throw the rock, he lost balance and nearly fell down. Luckly for him, his shoes hung at the railing. The rock he threw in falling hit the asphalt but caused no further damage. The person tried to get back on the bridge, but suddently his shoes (which were of abysmal quality) tore and the abysmali fell down. He was dead instantly.

Sekhika defeated Voetball

The Orange-Blues played the first match of the elimination round against Svecia, a team that caused the traditional rejistani pessimism to stir up. Svecia endangered the rejistani qualification from group stage in the last cup by a victory. The Orange-Blues and the Lightning changed in the last 4 years of course, but despite that: rejistani fans are pessimistic by nature. Fortunately the pessimism was in no way justified by the result: The Orange-Blues defeated the Lightning 4:0.

Despite the final score, the lightning had the better start and even nearly went ahead. Fortunately the rejistani defense acted according to their reputation and Mija Kansu could stop it with a combination of skill and sheer luck. The Rejistani System Jesejil had some problems with the svecian attacks later in the match, but the defeinse and Ninu Juru kept the score down to nil for the Orange-Blues. In the 24th minute, Gottlieb Frisk could only stop Salakerijasamenatira "Sa" Harakemindanutikejil by a rude foul. The resulting free kick by defender Kadu Hsen caused the lead for the Orange-Blues. In the 39th minute, Ji Y was able to extend the lead in a counter-attack. Generally, the highly offensive tactic of the Orange-Blues. The first half ended 2:0 for the Orange-Blues.

The second half saw the typical scenario of defensive Orange-Blues, who waitedfor their few chances and an opponent, struggeling to get some chances themselves. When in the 78th minute Jenji Y was substituted in, a flurry of rejistani attacks started, which eventually led to the 3:0 and the 4:0. Jenji Y assisted at the 3:0 by Y Syku and scored the 4:0 himself two mminutes before the match ended. Coach SyLy warned of exaggerated euphoria, he quoted Myk "Devensi-altena" Linkosa: "Treat every win like a loss as a chance to improve yourself!" Against the former finalists Dance 2 Revolution, who the Orange-Blues will meet in the quarterfinal, this is required!

The result:
Rejistania 4 (Hsen 24th, Ji Y 39th, Syku 80th, Jenji Y 89th)
Svecia 0

Strike Birds Prepare for Arrogant Iansisle Side

Quarterfinal Match a rematch of MD3 in Group D

Iansisle, fresh off their win over Lovisa, has once again ran their mouths and infuriated various players on the Strike Birds side. However, this time they have been not doing any interviews until after the match is played. However, the preperations for the Quarterfinal match has been said to be some of the most intense of the campaign, with Coach Adams and star players Secour and Horace making sure any mistake is taken care of immediately.

Inside sources has confirmed the last two unknowns in the Quarterfinals:


Rejistania (1) ---------
| Rejistania (1) ---------
Svecia (10) ------------ |
| ------------------------
Vilita (7) ------------- |
| Dance 2 Revolution (18)-
Dance 2 Revolution (18)-

Lovisa (30) ------------
| Iansisle (11) ----------
Iansisle (11) ---------- |
| ------------------------
The Eagles Nest (5) ---- |
| The Eagles Nest (5) ----
Bedistan (2) -----------

Kaze Progressa (17) ----
| Kaze Progressa (17)-----
Tadjikistan (34) ------- |
| ------------------------
Snub Nose 38 (46) ------ |
| Audioslavia (6) -------
Audioslavia (6) --------

Squornshelous (16) -----
| Squornshelous (16) ----
Eauz (4) --------------- |
| ------------------------
Turori (29) ------------ |
| Turori (29) ------------
Liverpool England (12) -




Get Your Cheer Box Today!

Sales are going well for the Cheer box, and remember they are for the teams in the Quarterfinals this campaign, but next year we plan to offer them to all sides. Get yours today to save your voice for your pivital match! Only 45 claws (approx. $20)!

http://www.dirt-racing.com/3wide/sites/vilita/vn/tn/logo.gif

Eels advance to Quarters

------------------The Turori Eels have fought there way into the World Cup Quarter Finals in Bedistan & Eauz after a daring 2-0 triumph over Liverpool England in the second round. The Eels went unbeaten in the Group Stage, with two draws and a shock victory over Total n Utter Insanity making them the underdog side to watch in the Knockout Rounds. The defending Eagle's Cup Champions gave the papers something to talk about by dishing a fatal blow to Liverpool England's World Cup dreams, knocking the philosophers out of the competition with goals either side of the half.

------------------It also marks the second time that Turori has out-performed it's Vilitan Cove neighbors and former Empirical rulers Vilita in a sporting competition, after the favored Jungle Cats also went out in the second round, losing on Penalty Kicks to World Cup 17 Finalists Dance 2 Revolution after the match ended square 3-3 after Extra Time. The last time the Eels out performed their feline counterparts they went all the way in Eagle's Cup III, after Eystrck disposed of Vilita in the Quarter Finals, the support of the Nation shifted to Turori who upset then World #1 Eauz in the Semi Finals before surviving a penalty shootout with Kingsford to take their second International Trophy.

------------------Strike FC's Jualiar Vumaou got the Eels on rolling in their Second Round match against Liverpool England with a volley strike half an hour in against the run of play, after Turori keeper Milauo Slietah was forced to make 4 big saves in the early portion of the match. However, the goal gave the Eels a big boost going into the half, and they forced their first corner on 43 minutes. However Cuolia Tuirma's corner was collected by the Liverpool England keeper, and Sirx walked off the field to a sheer of boos from the Liverpudlian support.

------------------The sides looked to be evenly matched in the second half, with both sides having their fair share of chances. It was not until the 80th minute when Eels substitute Martiia Rawaii ran on to a Malaino Mumamba through pass that the scores would change. The out-of-contract Rawaii converted his first career World Cup Finals tally and delivered the final dagger in the hearts of Liverpool England, the Eels progressing to the Quarter Finals for the first time to face former World Cup finalists Squornshelous. In the post match press conference, Rawaii ended all speculation on his future by announcing that he had signed a deal with an up and coming international team, and a press conference would be announced at a later date.

------------------Eels third choice goalkeeper Rocky Rodwell will not be available for the remainder of the competition. The Goalkeeper has asked former FC Almintora forward and Turori National team Coach Mauritus Banda for a leave from the National team to help Almintora re-group after their shock relegation from the Vilitan Declasse Division, putting them out of the league system for the first time since the leagues inception. Rodwell has been one of the only constants at FC Almintora since he took over from former National Team Coach Gisterfred Q. Disterfred, but his high wage demands may prove unbearable for the club. It is believed that Rodwell is looking to discuss a more involved role at the club, or will be requesting a transfer back into the league system. Veccio Victors Jarod Dreka is expected to be on the bench against Squornshelous, with Trevor Ugnata on call to fill in if necessary.


------------------In related news, the Football Association of Turori will be expecting a decision from the World Cup Committee (WCC) before the end of the week regarding their bid to Co-Host World Cup 19 along with The Belmore Family. This is the first time that the Turori FA has placed in a bid to host a major sporting event in a solo effort, after hosting one group of the World Cup 17 Finals, and one group of the Colony Cup 1.1 Group Stage. The Belmore Family are an experienced hosting nation who have lost out many times in their attempts to bring the World Cup to their Nation. If the bid wins, it is expected that the final will be held in The Belmore Family, with the 3rd Placed Playoff in Turori.


--------------------------------------------------------------------
Ao1b(8 ............... OouYvaiVYaqkBWjwIIOB ............. 001092019726X9

OOC: NOTICE TO ALL: I have taken the time to update the Wiki entries for the World Cup and BoF, but I need Bedistan to fill in the Lovisa-Iansisle score for the second round match.

ooc: Very interesting - note that in 4 matches the side with the higher rank won, and in 4 matches the side with the lower rank won.


Rejistania (1) ---------
| Rejistania (1) ---------
Svecia (10) ------------ |
| ------------------------
Vilita (7) ------------- |
| Dance 2 Revolution (18)-
Dance 2 Revolution (18)-

Lovisa (30) ------------
| Iansisle (11) ----------
Iansisle (11) ---------- |
| ------------------------
The Eagles Nest (5) ---- |
| The Eagles Nest (5) ----
Bedistan (2) -----------

Kaze Progressa (17) ----
| Kaze Progressa (17)-----
Tadjikistan (34) ------- |
| ------------------------
Snub Nose 38 (46) ------ |
| Audioslavia (6) -------
Audioslavia (6) --------

Squornshelous (16) -----
| Squornshelous (16) ----
Eauz (4) --------------- |
| ------------------------
Turori (29) ------------ |
| Turori (29) ------------
Liverpool England (12) -

Ugh!

Dance 2 Revolution get another Final Rematch against Rejistania

'Oh no!' The crowd cried as D2R placed in their final penalty to win this testing game against a side that Dance 2 Revolution had never even conceded to before, yet gave them their first ever World Cup point in their first ever World Cup...Vilita.

Vilita took a 2 goal lead in this match after Hluali Mijatos scored 2 edge-of-the-area goals in the 31st and 47th minute.

Dance 2 Revolution then managed to draw another 2 goals back with strikes by Maeda Jnr. and Kehsoot in the 51st and the 59th minute.

Dance 2 Revolution then took the lead through Maeda Jnr. who was again on target from 25 yards in the 83rd minute to bring the score to 3-2 in the favour of the Revolutionaries.

And when the fans thought they had it in the bag, Mauro Baraza popped up to nick an equaliser in the 87th minute and force the game into extra time.

Extra time seemed to throw the teams into System Karela, with not one shot in the half hour of Extra Time...so on came the heart attack threatening...PENALTY SHOOTOUT

Dance 2 Revolution won the toss and elected to go first in their first ever Penalty Shootout.

The pressure was too much for Trix...who hit the foot of the post to miss the first shot.

'Taker #1' for Vilita also found the going tough, as D2R keeper Verdio Day easily saved the shot.

Über was next up for the Revolutionaries and the cheeky chip found its way over the line for 1-0.

Vilita's 'Taker #2' had no mistakes as he drilled it into the left hand corner leaving Day no chance.

Vilita's Goalkeeper could not handle the pressure and could not compete in the state he had worked himself into...He was substituted.

Next up was Maeda Snr. who had no trouble in thumping the ball into the net for 2-1

'Taker #3' also seemed to have some nerves in him, as he blazed the ball over the bar.

Day decided to take the next penalty, this move psyched out the Vilitian goalkeeper and it was 3-1.

'Taker #4' didn't recieve any of the jitters that had affected some of his teammates and pulled one back for 3-2.

Maeda Jnr. finished the penalty shoot out with a penalty which hit the bar but still ended up in the net for 4-2

Full Time Score:
Vilita 3(Hluali Mijatos 31', 47' Mauro Baraza 87')
Dance 2 Revolution 3(Maeda Jnr 51', 83', Kehsoot 59')

After Extra Time Score:
Vilita 3(Hluali Mijatos 31', 47' Mauro Baraza 87')
Dance 2 Revolution 3(Maeda Jnr 51', 83', Kehsoot 59')

Penalty Score:
Vilita 2(xoxo)
Dance 2 Revolution 4(xoooo)


Rejistania (1) ---------
| Rejistania (1) ---------
Svecia (10) ------------ |
| ------------------------
Vilita (7) ------------- |
| Dance 2 Revolution (18)-
Dance 2 Revolution (18)-

Lovisa (30) ------------
| Iansisle (11) ----------
Iansisle (11) ---------- |
| ------------------------
The Eagles Nest (5) ---- |
| The Eagles Nest (5) ----
Bedistan (2) -----------

Kaze Progressa (17) ----
| Kaze Progressa (17)-----
Tadjikistan (34) ------- |
| ------------------------
Snub Nose 38 (46) ------ |
| Audioslavia (6) -------
Audioslavia (6) --------

Squornshelous (16) -----
| Squornshelous (16) ----
Eauz (4) --------------- |
| ------------------------
Turori (29) ------------ |
| Turori (29) ------------
Liverpool England (12) -


Predictions: Rejistania over Dance 2 Revolution, The Eagles Nest over Iansisle, Kaze Progressa over Audioslavia, Squornshelous over Turori

We look forward to our rematch against Rejistania, 3rd time lucky prehaps? ;)

“It is the ultimate goal of every Iansisle team,” said Sir Gregory Penns-McCormick, the Director of Sports, Games, and Recreation, “to be better than Audioslavia. Now we have to beat the Strike Birds - every ounce of pride left in our bodies demands it.”

Many Ians fans also ordered those newfangled ‘cheer-boxes’ from the Eagles Nest.

“I can’t wait to hear what it yells,” said one excited Ians fan. “I hope it’s ‘***** *** **** ** ***! Death to the Strike Birds, and Audioslavia as long as we’re at it!’”

hmm, i've got half an hour spare, why don't i take the piss :)

Audioslavia and Iansislenil: A Lesson in History
...and how the Ians put the word 'complex' in 'Inferiority Complex'

In the beginning, there was apathy...

The Ians drew again today, one-one with Audioslavia. Truman scored his first. I wish I could say more about the match, but I’ve got to write down this most bizarre experience that I had afterwards.

I went to interview Sir Gregory [Penns-McCormick, Underminister for Sports, Games, and Recreation] today. There were only about 13,000 fans at the Audioslavia match, and the powers-that-pee* wanted his take on the recent apathy. Why, I don’t know. I’ve met the man before, and he’s nothing but an idiot in the worst sense of the word.

The interview started out fairly calmly. PM† appeared to have been drinking, but nothing so bad as I would have expected. I asked him a few basic questions, and he answered them easily.

Then I got the real humdinger. “To what do you attribute the decreasing attendance at Ians matches?” I asked, hoping that I may be able to conclude the interview while still in possession of my sanity. Sadly, that was not to be: I could tell from the second that PM furrowed his brow that I was in for quite a ride.

“Well, Mr. Ferguson, I would have to say it’s the result of a multitude of causes.” I smiled at the evasive legalese; perhaps this wouldn’t be so bad! I asked him to elaborate - if only he had refused. It would have been a tip of my hat, a “farewell, sir!” and I’d’ve been home free. But no!

After availing himself of a nearby bottle of whiskey, PM continued, though his words were starting to come out with a slight slur. “If you forced me to pick one cause, I’d have to say it’s those damn Gulls. Everyone’s flippin’ hockey-mad down here. It’s the Gulls-that, the Gulls-this. Never the Ians-anything!”

Before I could gracefully back out of the room - hell, I’d have even settled for ungracefully! - something switched on inside PM’s head. With his eyes suddenly lighting up, as if he were a ten year old in a candy store, PM leapt from his chair and danced about in a circle, shouting “I’ve got it! I’ve got it!” He then called for his assistant.

“Cunningham! Cunningham! Get in here!” the funny little man bellowed, perhaps forgetting there was an esteemed member of the press present. “By Patrick, I’ve the most brilliant idea! Cunningham!”

I was ready to jump out the window by the time his assistant, red-faced and panting for breath, appeared.

“Y-yes?” he stammered to PM, apparently on the verge of an all out heart attack.

“Cunningham, I’ve realized why we aren’t drawing anyone! I’m a genius, Cunningham!” I didn’t even have time to debate that point before he continued. “Listen to this idea! Dianatran!”

There was a long pause.

“Um, Sir Gregory,” said Cunningham slowly, who was not only actively trying not to insult his boss but apparently searching for some way to compliment the moron, “that’s not an idea, per se. It’s really more of a geographical location.”

“I know that, Cunningham!” shouted PM, waving his arms about like a Knootian windmill. “I mean, Dianatran!” There was another long pause, and apparently Cunningham wasn’t too eager to ask for elaboration again. I was eying the door. After nearly a full minute of uncomfortable silence, PM went off by himself. “Damn it man, can’t you see? Everyone’s hockey-mad on the Shield, so we take football to the Southern Dominions! It doesn’t snow in Dianatran, does it?”

Cunningham looked desperately at me. I could only shrug. After a second, the assistant cleared his throat. “Um, sir, I’m pretty sure it doesn’t snow in Dianatran ..”

“It hardly even rains,” I interjected. Both ignored me.

“...but I’m at least fairly certain they don’t have any proper football venues down there.” Cunningham looked more than fairly certain; he looked positive.

“Well, it’s your job to make it damn well work!” bellowed PM, the veins on his great purple face standing out more clearly for every syllable. Cunningham fled as quickly as he could. PM opened his liquor cabinet, removed a bottle of pre-made laudanum, and downed nearly a quarter of it in one great go. I advised him that it was usually not best to mix one’s opiates with one’s liquor, and he turned about so suddenly and with an expression of shock so severe I thought for sure there must have been an axe-murderer sneaking up behind me.

As it turned out, I - a member of the press - had been present for one of the great, and apparently secret, decision-making processes in the Underministry. He advised me that if I were to publish anything of that sort in my article that he’d never give another interview to an IanCorpº publication, then re-summoned Cunningham that he may throw me out into the street.

I had never been so rudely treated by the government; in fact, only his thinly veiled threat kept me from striking out for my typewriter at once.

(*his wife, who found this and submitted the journal for publication, was not sure if that was an honest mistake or some sort of puerile insult.

† assumed to stand for Penns-McCormick, or else the Prime Minister.

º shorthand for the Iansislean International Telegraph Corporation.)

'twas the first match between Iansisle and the 'slaves, and all was well in the Iansisle camp. No Iansisleans shuddered or showed any signs of facial ticks when confronted with the word 'Audio' or 'Slave', and all was good.

Then came denial, as Iansisle refused to make comment on the next match. Perhaps they were too upset, or maybe they began realise that the Audioslavians were beginning to enchant them with many voodoo curses in an attempt to create such a feeling of distain for their own football side which would haunt them in years to come when they came to play against the 'slaves.

Or maybe they were busy irl.

Pile-On Iansisle
'slaves pull 3-points clear of the bunch

Audioslavia cruised home to a one-nil victory in Cornellby last night.

Employing Squornshelous' tactic of 'Score Early, Score Often', Audioslavia captain Lee Branson pulled a couple of lasses before the game and took them both to his room. Thus, Lee missed the entire game through a groin-strain.

Branson's replacement in defence, Oglethorpian-born Michael Yorath, performed admirably, keeping Iansisle striker Truman at bay for the first ten minutes, before Aaron O`Malley scored the games first and only goal from a quick counter-attack.

After a scintillating opening half-hour which saw Iansisle and Audioslavia both play brilliant football, the game slowly degenerated as Audioslavia got more desperate in defence, and Iansisle got more desperate in attack. Paul Ward was sent off after half time for the last of numerous reckless challenges on his marker, Jack Croft got his marching orders ten minutes later after a scuffle with another Iansisle player (ooc: Ian, get your roster sorted out on the roster thread :P)

Audioslavia managed to hold on, largely thanks to the increasingly muddy pitch, due to the rain and sleet of a typical Audioslavian winter

Final Score:
Audioslavia 1 (O`Malley 12)
Iansisle 0

Denial was followed by extreme denial:

Isle Denial
Jinx Over Iansisle Continues[i]

Audioslavia recovered from their mid-week thrashing by Bedistan to take a comfortable 2-0 win over Iansisle.

The Ians have struggled to keep the pace with the top sides, despite being rated as one of the stronger sides in the group, and definately among the world's elite 32.

Audioslavia started the game cautiously, not allowing the Ians to get too much of a foot-hold on the game but not managing to create enough chances themselves.

The best chance of the second half fell to Paul Reid, who rose above the Ians defence for a corner, only to see his header tipped over the bar by the Ians goalkeeper.

The second half saw Iansisle capitalise on Audioslavia's over-cautiousness. The number <7> saw a shot parried away by Jones, whilst the Ians striker Truman (and the only player anyone has ever heard of, get your roster up you lazyass ) saw a 20-yard thunderbolt ping off the upright and out of play.

Iansisle looked like really making an impact on the game, but on the hour mark, substitute Aiden Carsley broke away down the left wing and centred for Jordi Neeskens on the edge of the area. Jordi hit a weak shot which was blocked by the Iansisle centre-back, but the ball fell to Jeff Jordan who raked a bullet of a shot straight into the roof of the net from twenty-five yards.

The Ians heads dropped, and Audioslavia slowly took control of the game. Branson saw an effort drop over the cross-bar whilst O`Malley and Maartins missed an array of chances. The winning goal came ten minutes from time. O`Malley picked up the ball on the edge of the area, expertly dummied inside the number three and legged it past the centre-back. Although he sliced his shot wildly, the ball curled up into the air and onto the head of Sean Jenneson who nodded the ball home.

Final Score
Audioslavia 2 (Jordan 63, Jenneson 82)
Iansisle 0


Iansisle refused to even show their team sheet when the two sides met next. The Ians finally realising that they would never be a match for the Audioslavians and that the claret and green would forever be a thorn in the side of anyone called Ian.

Or, as Iansisle put it:(I) haven't really found time between other RPs, school, and work

Clever bastard.

After denial, and extreme denial, came uber denial, as Iansisle refused to even play football for the next encounter. As well as not telling anyone who their players were and not letting their public know what happened in the match, Iansisle packed their ten un-named players (and some guy called Truman) into their own goal to completely block it and stop the ball from crossing the line. Audioslavia responded in similar fashion to taunt their jinxed opposition, and blocked their own goal. The game ended 0-0.

[i]0-0 bore puts the 'slaves on the brink of safety

Audioslavia and Iansisle played out a boring, goal-less, drab ninety minutes of football in Ian City to put the 'slaves just one point closer to qualification.

Iansisle, already mathematically eliminated, played with little or no determination, whilst the 'slaves, conscious of their 'everything-but-qualified' position, played defensively so as to not concede a goal.

Final Score
Iansisle 0
Audioslavia 0

After four matches in four years, the two sides would not playing each other again for another twelve, leaving the Iansisle team to stew over their new-found arch enemies, whilst Audioslavia worried about bigger things (or to give it its proper name, Squornshelous).

Then, finally, the time for retribution was hencewithforth whereupon us, or them. Iansisle were due to play Audioslavia in the first round of World Cup 16. And hereth didst thou see the scoreth of thus whence verily match...

Ians Lose

IANAPALIS, Iansisle -- There’s no way around it. The draws were announced: Kingsford (“ah, we can take them!”), Oaker (“Who?”), and ... Audioslavia.

The ‘slaves and the Ians may have only met in two world cup qualifiers, but both times have been an utter disaster for the Ians. The ‘slaves beat or drew with us and went on to greater and greater exploits in the Cup, and the Ians went home and cried despite being, in at least one case, favored for their group.

Is this the way the first time Iansisle ever topped their group will go down in history? With them losing in the first round, beaten by everyone who laid eyes upon them because of that infernal bad luck charm, Audioslavia? This reporter hopes not - but also knows better.

Ians Lose! - BADLY

Well, the bad news didn’t take long in coming. All we had to do was glance in Audioslavia’s direction, and before you knew it - poof! A three - zero defeat on our record. According to the nifty statistics compiled by an anonymous Audioslavian reporter, this marks the worst loss by the Ians at the hands of the ‘slaves EVER.

Ah, and unto finally doth the Iansisle team begineth unto realisation of whenceforth Audioslavians doth jinx. For verily is the cow who watches the beef on the stick, and we say 'aye'.

Lettuce pray for an Audioslavia - Iansisle final, and doth hopeth god shine down you upon whence, as you goeth to doth whence hence try thou name to scoreth heavily down wherncepon thou goals thus 'slavia downwards spiral in glee, and glee doth merrily.

I B J J, G'N B

D2R ELIMINATED!!!

Yes, it’s true this time.

Rejistania – Dance 2 Revolution … we’ve heard that somewhere before…and here is where:


Previous Meetings:
WC17 Finals: Rejistania 1 – 0 Dance 2 Revolution(After Extra Time)
WC18 Group Stages Day 3: Rejistania 3 – 2 Dance 2 Revolution


Yes, this was the REAL Re-match, this time the result mattered…and the action showed this.

The Referee for the match was Gurg(Abysmalistan), and both teams knew there was going to be problems, but few could expect what problems he could cause.

It started after 2 minutes…when Kehsoot took the ball through the Rejistanian defence and rifled a shot in…the trouble is, Gurg was told that D2R were shooting the other way…so the goal was given to Rejistania for 1-0 and a very bemused look on the faces of everyone watching and playing the match.

Dance 2 Revolution and Rejistania then switched sides so Gurg knew where people were shooting, and then Gurg changed his mind of which way the teams where shooting. This was good news for Verdio Day, however…who tried to do some mid-match skill and ended up turning the ball into his own net…1-1.

Dance 2 Revolution went ahead 3 minutes later, Gurg still unknowingly having the goals the wrong way, which D2R took advantage of…when Day overhead-kicked the ball into his ‘own’ net for 2-1.

Dance 2 Revolution again gave Gurg the smile of not doing his job properly at all…Day took the ball just into his own box, and somehow Gurg blew the whistle for D2R’s 3rd goal of the night after only 21 minutes and Verdio Day’s Hat-trick.

Über then told Gurg which way everyone was facing with true gentlemanly style, and was given the yellow card for the advice.

Now Gurg was having fun with the whistle in his lips, blowing at every opportunity, and in the 31st minute, despite Rejistania being on the ball at the half way line, he gave D2R a penalty. Kehsoot scored…the Gurg blew the whistle…freekick to Rejistania.

Gurg did things almost parallel in dubiousness, giving penalties to D2R in 43’, 52’(Which was retaken in the 53’) 64’, 71’, 74’, 76’ and 79’, in which Über received 2 more yellow cards and was not sent off and Kvansa Laijiyiaya also received a yellow card for ‘Taking Down’ Maeda…or mid-air.

In the 80th minute, Kvansa Laijiyiaya was harshly tackled by Über…who was yellow carded, again (That’s 4 if you lost count). And was brought off and Jenji Y was brought on. Kvansa Laijiyiaya did not realize the substitution had happened and came back on, and made the pass for Y to score, then Gurg sent him off.

Jenji Y then went on a rampage…got his proverbial Rocket-Launcher and proceeded to score another 4 goals to make the game end 6-3(We don’t know who killed System Karela either.)

Final Score:
Rejistania 6 (Kehsoot 2’(O.G?) Jenji Y 82’ 85’ 86’ 87’ 90’ (Kvansa Laijiyiaya RED 81’))
Dance 2 Revolution 3(Day 15’ 18’ 21’ Kehsoot ‘Miss’ Penalty 31’ 43’ 52’ 53’ 64’ 71’ 74’ 76’ 79’)

What the... Gurg?

The infamous referee Gurg is back, or isn't he? Gurg is a common abysmal name and since Abysmals have no last name, we do not know whether it was the infamous Gurg, or another one. the original infamous Gurg started his extremely unskilled refereeing on international level in the Champions League, where he once commented that "It is impossible to be a good referee if there is no fog or heavy rain, so that people can actually see you" and this Gurg acted like it is valid also for him.

At first Gurg horribly messed up the sides: A goal for Dance 2 Revolution was counted for the Orange-Blues. Both teams reacted by changing sides, but Gurg saw that the teams changed sides and counted a clear own goal from Day'he as goal for Dance 2 Revolution. Dance 2 Revolution responded with two more own goals and suddently led 3:1. For some strange reason, Day'he managed to score in exact intervalls of three minutes, despite desperate rejistanis trying to prevent him to score into his own net. Before the 24th minute, Über decided that the lead is enough and told Gurg that he messed up sides again. Gurg warned him for annying him. Spectators never seen a dirtier yellow card before, it was assumed that Gurg used some mud to weaken the effects of a bright color. Yellow or other 'happy' colors are banned in Abysmalistan since they are 'unpatriotic'.

Gurg and his abysmali linesmen kept the match being the strangest quarterfinal in at least four years: Gurg warned some revolutionary players four times without sending them off. His comment after the match: "They all look alike!" he gave free kicks and penalties for reasons no one but him (and maybe his three abysmali collegues) can even hope to understand. Everyone, who thought nothing worse than Mirc (a clinically blind referee from (guess...) Abysmalistan, who had his seeing-eye dog with him) could happen to a soccer match was disappointed: The match was interrupted pretty often for free kicks and penalties and no matter how they ended: no goal was counted.

The match was really chaotic and the fact that Gurg ended the first half after already 36 minutes did not improve clarity. Maybe for that reason, it was not quite surprising that Kvansa Laijiyiaya did not realize that he was substituted for Jenji Y. This time Gurg saw it and decided right for the first time in this match: he red-carded the seleke midfielder. Maybe the fact that a can of rejistani coffee hit his head caused him to decide correctly. The fact that Jenji Y was substituted in and the fact that Gurg had something a light concussion due to the can, which made him 'temporarily sane' caused the Orange-Blues to end the match as winners: Jenji Y scored five times in the remaining eight minutes and Gurg actually counted the goals.

After this match, both sides filed a request to forbid abysmalis to referee any international matches, but it is not likely to become World Cup Legislation - maybe because the president of the WCC, Teke Daran, profitted from this match.

Despite the abysmal (abysmali even) refereein, the result stands and the Orange-Blues are in the semifinals. One the streets of every rejistani village, town, city and metropolis, celebrations started.

The result:
Rejistania 6 (Kehsoot (og) 2nd, Jenji Y 82nd 85th 86th 87th 90th)
Dance 2 Revolution 3 (Day 15th 18th 21st)

Cunted
'slaves whupped by Kaze

A first half brace by Sani Luvo effectively killed off any ideas of Audioslavian world domination as the 'slaves were played off the park by Kaze Progressa.

It seems Karma has been-a-knocking after many jibes at the Kaze Progressan team, as well as a recent mockery of other nations such as Iansisle

Alas, last night in Bedistan it was the 'slaves who made to look ridiculous as Kaze Progressa hit three past them without reply, and without so much as an Audioslavian sniff at goal.

Goal number one came on eleven minutes, scored by KP number eleven Sani Luvo as he broke through a non-existant Audioslavian defence to finish past a helpless Peter Andersson.

It was all Kaze Progressa from then on with Luvo and Horaski both finding themselves on the other side of the 'slaves back line. Cozii-Danila had a goal dissallowed for offside before Rapikok nutmegged Crevan and skimmed the ball square accross the turf for Luvo to finish.

Two down and going no-where, Audioslavia furthered their troubles when a frustrated Coalan Fox kicked the ball away in disgust at a questionable refereeing decision. Fox was given a second yellow card and sent from the field, leaving the 'slaves with an impossible mountain to climb.

The game was effectively over just after half-time as Audioslavia failed to clear a high ball in their own penalty area. Romanov mis-timed the header, the ball bouncing off his shoulder towards Rapikok who hit a first-time volley straight into the roof of the net from twenty-two yards.

Rapikok would have a couple more long-distance efforts before Luvo scuppered Kaze Progressa's best other chance of the game, flicking the ball over the goalkeeper but to the left of the goal.

A game of few positives for Audioslavian football, the side never got going at all and paid for it dearly by a lethal Progressan strike-force. In all, it was a culmination of the worst fears about the Audioslavian team. There are definately eleven players there who are capable of doing big things, but manager Paul Ward has failed to get the best out of them, playing them out of their favoured positions. Crevan is a better central-midfielder than he is a left-back, Rijsbergen is more suited to the wing than the defence, and the 'slaves best player Ally Marriot is useless behind the strikers when the three midfielders behind him are all also flair players. It was that lack of a strong midfield player (like Tessem, Tanner or Keary, all of whom woefully overlooked in World Cup 18) which caused Audioslavia's undoing in this match and has been under scrutiny for some time as Audioslavia failed to win games as comfortably as the sides of old.

The biggest shame of all is the treatment of Daniel Bracken. The heart of Audioslavia's strike force for years was left to rot on the bench, just like the heart of the midfield (Tessem and Tanner) and the soul of the defence as Romanov failed to start a number of games. World Cup 18 has almost certainly seen the end of Bracken's illustrious international career, the end of Romanov's international career, and probably the end of Paul Ward's time as manager of the national side. Twelve years is a long time for an international manager, and its time he stepped aside.

Also, i do believe its time to end another career.

I, Jeremy Jaffacake, have commentated on many games over many world cups. I've shouted at many people in many countries, i've given many xenophobic opinions in many languages in many clubs in many Bedistani cities. I've squabbled with many Gils about many crates of orange juice, and i've pissed in many bottles in many Halfassedstatian bottling plants. I do believe its time to step aside myself and let another unfortunate confectionary-named bugger do the dirty work for the Soundgardian on Sunday.

I've been Jeremy Jaffacake, and for the very last time....




g'nite bitches

Squornshelous wins Rematch, will play second semifinal

Squornshelous defeats Turori, who they drew in the first round
Squonshelous notched another win to move on to the second semifinal in Squornshelous history. We will play Kaze Progressa, to the great disappointment of both fans and players, who were hoping for a match against our old foes, Audioslavia. Kaze Progressa is ranked 17th in the world, and it should prove to be a very even match, as the Pschychoes currently sit at 16th. "I feel like this is our year to win it all," said forward Rodolfo Puente. On the surface, it looks like a sur thing for Rejistania to win the cup, with their closest competitors ranking either 5th or 11th, depending on the result of the The Eagles Nest-Iansisle match. However, we are very confident that Squornshelous will come home triumphant, with our first cup victory.

The match against Turori opened on a worrying note for Squornshelous, with the Eels notching the first goal in the 21st minute. It was eerily similar to the first round matchup we played against them, where they put in the first goal, and the Pschychoes scored late for the draw. However, Squornshelous struck right back, with Rodolfo Puente scoring on a free kick in the 29th. Raskolnikov sent the kick over the wall, but curving around to the far side of the box, where Puente waited. He timed his kick perfectly and put it past Milauo Slietah. In the 44th, Puente almost scored again, when he found himself all alone at the top of the box. He waved to Arnesson, who passed the ball, but Slietah saw him in time and made a spectacular dive to save it. In the first minute after halftime, Turori almost went up again, Yabaiy Tbaiao stole the ball from Otto Friedel and passed upfield to Jualiar Vumaou. Vumaou faked out Quentin Harrisson and fired on net, but Perez anticipated his shot and caught the ball. Raskolnikov scored to put Squornshelous up 2-1 in the 57th. He recieved the ball on the run from Tito Castillan, and simply outran Marlian Hunial. He fired from the top of the box and Slietah never had a chance. Finally, Raskolnikov put in the rebound from a corner kick to seal the game. It was the 83rd minute, and Bjorn Arnesson's shot had just gone wide on a deflection by Linoi Niabula. Puente went to the corner and lofted it in. Castillan struck it perfectly with his head, but Slietah punched it clear of the goal. However, Raskolnikov was waiting at the edge of the box and fired on the volley, leaving Slietah to watch the celebration.

Final Score:
Squornshelous 3-1 Turori

Scoring Summary:
TU: (player) [21]
SQ: Puente [29]
SQ: Raskolnikov [57]
SQ: Raskolnikov [83]

Squornshelous' Scorers:
Raskolnikov: 21
Puente: 10
Castillan: 7
Arnesson: 3
Friedel: 1


Rejistania (1) ---------
| Rejistania (1) ---------
Svecia (10) ------------ |
| Rejistania (1) ---------
Vilita (7) ------------- |
| Dance 2 Revolution (18)-
Dance 2 Revolution (18)-

Lovisa (30) ------------
| Iansisle (11) ----------
Iansisle (11) ---------- |
| ------------------------
The Eagles Nest (5) ---- |
| The Eagles Nest (5) ----
Bedistan (2) -----------

Kaze Progressa (17) ----
| Kaze Progressa (17)-----
Tadjikistan (34) ------- |
| Kaze Progressa (17) -----
Snub Nose 38 (46) ------ |
| Audioslavia (6) -------
Audioslavia (6) --------

Squornshelous (16) -----
| Squornshelous (16) ----
Eauz (4) --------------- |
| Squornshelous (16) ----
Turori (29) ------------ |
| Turori (29) ------------
Liverpool England (12) -

((Great job on that article, Audio. I was laughing the whole time. :) Blast the curse!))

Westmore Moons Camera
Shocks press contingent while celebrating extra-time win over Strike Birds

EAUZ -- As the dying moan of the last cheer box faded away, it was replaced by the wild cheering of more than fifteen enthusiastic Ians fans who had packed a row of seats for Iansisle’s quarterfinals match against the Eagles Nest.

Tied at a pair a piece after regulation, the Ians flashed their dominant offense in extra time, scoring a pair while James Goodman blanked the always dangerous Strike Birds.

After the game, the Ians wildly celebrated their pending first-ever semifinals match against none other than feared number one in the world Rejistania, who destroyed Dance 2 Revolution in a neighboring game.

“I’m hopin’,” said midfielder Geoffrey Fletcher, “that if’n I get wasted enough, I’ll jus’ remember the good *hic* times...today...tommorow...Rejistania...”

Meanwhile, David Westmore caused several reporters to faint by jumping on a table and revealing his buttocks to them.

“Th’s’s to you, Eagles Nest! A lot of good yer clenched-jawed stoicism got you, eh? And to you, Jeremy Jaffacake, with your interminable sense of humor and ...and your Audioslavia!”

Westmore then fell face-first on the ground and started snoring.

Sir Gregory Penns-McCormick was pleased to note that the Ians, by advancing while Kaze Progressa rubbed Audioslavia’s face in the dirt, fulfilled the lifelong dream of every Ians fan.

“At last, I can afford to buy my son a new pair of shoes!” he cried. “Sure, we may be swept aside by Rejistania like so many annoying insects, but at least we can cry to the ages - we were better than Audioslavia!” The Director’s voice echoed ominously in the press room and lightning flashed in the background.

Word has it that Iansisleans have been buying tickets for the semifinals match like crazy. Attendance from the Shield is expected to exceed three dozen, if the weather holds.

In related news, the Ians were surprised to find themselves suddenly the second highest ranked side left in the World Cup. It was also noted that they have the shortest and, by far, the easiest country name to spell.

“Huh,” said a gardner in confusion. “When’d that happen?”

Reportedly, a study is being done to try and change ‘Iansisle’ to ‘Iansjistangresshelous’ before the next game.


Rejistania (1) ---------
| Rejistania (1) ---------
Svecia (10) ------------ |
| Rejistania (1) ---------
Vilita (7) ------------- |
| Dance 2 Revolution (18)-
Dance 2 Revolution (18)-

Lovisa (30) ------------
| Iansisle (11) ----------
Iansisle (11) ---------- |
| Iansisle (11)-----------
The Eagles Nest (5) ---- |
| The Eagles Nest (5) ----
Bedistan (2) -----------

Kaze Progressa (17) ----
| Kaze Progressa (17)-----
Tadjikistan (34) ------- |
| Kaze Progressa (17) -----
Snub Nose 38 (46) ------ |
| Audioslavia (6) -------
Audioslavia (6) --------

Squornshelous (16) -----
| Squornshelous (16) ----
Eauz (4) --------------- |
| Squornshelous (16) ----
Turori (29) ------------ |
| Turori (29) ------------
Liverpool England (12) -

ooc: Once again (for those who will go on about how unfair it all is) - four matches, two won by the higher ranked side, two won by the lower ranked side...

OutWard Bound
'slaves looking for new boss

Paul Ward stepped down yesterday as the second most successful manager in Audioslavian football history.

The 'Wardian Period 'slaves got to the quarter final of World Cup 18, making them (officially at least) the second best Audioslavian team in history behind the famous WC12 side which reached the final.

Ward was famous for his motivational skills, but some severe tactical errors proved fatal as he relied too heavily on the 4-4-2 system despite success with other formations. Doing this meant playing players out of positions, something which the 'slaves narrowly got away with against Tadjikistan, Commerce Heights, Snub Nose 38 and Aquilliana, but which arguably cost them the game against Kaze Progressa.

Several managers are in the running for the vacant job. Machinegrad manager and ex-international defender James Reid is joint-favourite for the job at 3-1 with Nicky Shearer, a surviving member of the mostly-holocausted WC11 team. Jordi Neeskens is at 5-1 after leading Caylderden City to promotion, whilst Jackie Croft, Ben Pearce and Callum Jensen have all been mentioned as possible contenders.

The 'slavian F.A. could even enlist foreign help, going with the recent trend of managers taking charge of foreign countries' national teams.

Semifinal results have been telegrammed.

The entire Progressan press has been shocked into silence... reports from a stand-in media on the incredible Progressan run to the final will appear here.

Kaze Progressa defeated Squornshelous 2-0.

Over 2.9 billion people collectively faint.

Sportsblurb!

Squornshelous to take on Iansisle!

People in Kaze Progressa seem to be shocked by their country's advancing to the final, almost as if they expected not to go. Ians fans, however, got what they expected. The thirty-three fans (an all-time record!) who showed up were not surprised when number-one ranked Rejistania beat their XI mercilessly into the ground, paused to take a breather, and then pounded them again.

Coach David Westmore was quoted as saying: "Three to one? That was better than I expected, anyhow. I hope we win the third-place game against Squornshelous, though - I want our name to go down in that wiki thing!"

More in-depth report as news arrives!

EDIT: Report corrected. I ought to read more carefully. ;)

REEDIT: Report corrected again. I'm starting to think that I may have some sort of learning problem!

ooc: last time, i promise - 2 matches, higher ranked side won 1, lower ranked side won the other.

:D

*kicks something small and defenseless very hard*

*kicks something small and defenseless very hard*

Recent football-related research suggests that it is better to do that during the game. :P ;)

Recent football-related research suggests that it is better to do that during the game. :P ;)

LOL!

Third Place Playoff
Iansisle v Squornshelous
(probably at Le Stade d'Eauz, Zuka)

WORLD CUP XVIII FINAL
Rejistania v Kaze Progressa
Fillmore National Stadium, Sonoma City

Look for results in your telegram boxes within the next twelve hours!

WORLD CUP XVIII FINAL
Rejistania v Kaze Progressa
Fillmore National Stadium, Sonoma City

Look for results in your telegram boxes within the next twelve hours![/QUOTE]
What a final! Good luck to whoever wins....

One thought was left in the mind of a bamboozled nation after the Progressans made the World Cup final with a 2-0 defeat of Squornshelous, with Sani Luvo scoring both goals in the last ten minutes of the game. 'What the slani hell happened?'

Squornshelous had utterly dominated the first eighty minutes. Rodolfo Puente hit the post in the second minute, then the bar in the seventh and again in the 30th; Rashkolnikov, who has scored 21 goals since the start of qualifying, had two goals disallowed for offside in the first half; Puente had another disallowed for offside on the hour, then hit the post three minutes later; to top it all off, with ten minutes left, Rashkolnikov missed a header from four yards. The resultant goal kick was headed wide by Cozii-Danila, Rapikok ran onto it and instantly threaded a through ball into the path of Luvo, who slammed a first-time shot into the top corner from 25 yards. It was only the third Progressan shot of the game. Squornshelous had already had 23.

Not that it should have mattered. Puente hit the post from five yards in the 85th minute, Rashkolnikov the bar in the 89th. In the second of four minutes of injury time, Bartaz Borapi elbowed Puente, and a penalty was awarded. In the WC17 match against Commerce Heights, the Progressans had conceded an injury-time penalty, only for it to be saved by Fayu Fantazar.

This time, Fantazar was irrelevant. Rashkolnikov hit the post (the seventh time Squornshelous had hit the woodwork), the ball fell to Borapi, who saved his face with a long ball into the path of Rapikok, who once again threaded a through ball towards Luvo. This time, as if in shock that the Progressans still led, he slipped as he delivered his shot, only for the slip to produce a chip shot that flew over the head of Carlos del Rio Perez. The ball was hit softly and seemingly did not cross the line before Travis Delmore slid in to clear, but referee Trevor Michaels gave the goal. TV replays proved inconclusive and giving the attacking team the benefit of the obvious doubt in the circumstances seemed bizarre, not to mention harsh on the Squornshelous side.

But never mind the luck or skill involved; it's a Rejistania-Kaze Progressa final in Fillmore National Stadium, Sonoma City. In the only previous meeting between the sides, the legendary WC17 clash in Paninara, the Rejistanians needed extra-time before emerging 4-3 winners in front of 100,000 mostly Progressan fans. This time, the crowd will be even bigger, even louder, less biased - and almost certainly, less entertained, assuming the Rejistanians revert to their notorious defensive 'System Karela' that has proved to be key to the remarkable dynasty the Rejistanians are now building. If - no, when - they win, they will be the first triple World Cup champions (many believe they should already hold this distinction, after controversy surrounding the alleged home bias of the referee in the WC14 final against Kingsford) as well as only the second team to defend the World Cup, a feat previously achieved by Brazillico 48 years ago.

Recent football-related research suggests that it is better to do that during the game. :P ;)
:rolleyes:


Official Press Release from Squornshelous FA:
Dammit.


At least we scored in this one, thanks for that Igor.
Official Press Release from Squornshelous FA

Final Score:
Squornshelous 1-2 Iansisle (AET)

Squornshelous' Scorers:
Raskolnikov: 22
Puente: 10
Castillan: 7
Arnesson: 3
Friedel: 1

Squornshelan Manager James Naylor has announced his retirement after 20 years of football. Taking over the team following World Cup 14, the first where Squornshelous failed to qualify, he brought the 43rd ranked Pschychoes back, with the help of figures like Forward Tobias Jones, Midfielder Xavier Keiths and Defenseman Ernesto Gonzalez, and in the very next Cup, Squornshelous went all the way to the final before falling to Commerce Heights. In cup 16 Squornshelous reached the second round of play before being eliminated, and they were knocked out of the first round of WC 17 by a fluke loss to D2R. Now Naylor has led the Pschychoes past higher ranked teams, like TnUI and Eauz, only to fall to Kaze Progressa and Iansisle. However, he has brought Squornshelous higher than it has ever been before in his career and leaves as a National Hero. We'll miss you James.

The Island defeated the Isle

The Rejis came to a standstill in the last days after the beginning of the semifinal match between the Orange-Blues and Iansisle. The Lasane was in the semifinal for the third consecutive time, but rejistanis rather compared situation to World Cup 16 than to World Cup 17. Iansisle is one of the teams, the Orange-Blues played against often, as most statwankers do recall. The current record is:

Rejistania 2 Iansisle 2 (MD1, Supercup)
Rejistania 2 Iansisle 2 (MD4, Qualifiers for World Cup 14)
Iansisle 0 Rejistania 1 (MD13, Qualifiers for World Cup 14)
Iansisle 0 Rejistania 2 (MD3, Qualifiers for World Cup 15)
Rejistania 3 Iansisle 0 (MD12, Qualifiers for World Cup 15)
Iansisle 0 Rejistania 3 (Quarterfinal, World Cup 16)


Until now, the Isle has not defeated the (rejistani) Island. This however makes a loss more likely.

The attendance of fans from Iansisle reached a recod high according to the local media, Rejistanians however started to compare Iansisle to Ravea due to the low support.

The Orange-Blues played rather attacking in this match: The notorious or famous System Karela again was not used in this match. Coach SyLy decided for a System Imdila in an attempt to avoid risky extra time and even more risky penalty kicks. The Orange-Blues had a good start into the match and dominated the Ians. Salakerijasamenatira "Sa" Harakemindanutikejil, the selekan sensation, was the first one to actually being able to capitalise the numerous chances, the Orange-Blues had. Nielsen'he misestimated the shot and could only get the ball out of the net. Three minutes later, Tom Nielsen had to get the ball out of the net again, but this time, because a header of Tuade Lue landed on it. In the 19th minute, "Sa" was sucessfull again (and caused further problems for the eauzian stadium speaker): After a corner kick of Kansu Lyku (who started instead of the red-carded Kvansa Laijiyiaya), defender MacDunn'he headed the ball downfields, "Sa" intercepted the ball and scored from the second row.

For most of the rest of the match, the Orange-Blues started their (in)famous System Karela again. Neither the Ians nor the Orange-Blues had good chances until the 76th minute. That was the time, when a terrible mistake in the rejistani defense/team was capitalized by the Ians. Ninu Juru could not stop the shoot of Brian Lyon and suddently the lead was lowered to only 2:1. Coach Syku "SyLy" Lyku shouted something at his team in his very accented majuvedian. Whatever it was, the team started to play more offensively again. This second change in tactics surpised the Ians and only 3 minutes later, Ji Y increased the lead to two goals again. The Orange-Blues had few chances after that sudden attack. Iansisle nearly upsetted the Rejistanis when Ravenhill'he and Lyon'he started an attack in the 90th minute, which Kadu Hsen could parry only with luck. After the final whistle, Rejistanis in the Rejis and in Eauz celebrated. The Eauzian police was called more than once, when citizens feared major riots.

The opponent in the final will be fellow FIFA-nation Kaze Progressa.

The result:
Rejistania 3 (Harakemindanutikejil 14th 19th, Ji Y 78th)
Iansisle 1 (Lyon 76th)

The day of the World Cup 18 final. The entire world not only expected, but prayed for, a Rejistanian victory, knowing that but for the intervention of referee Jesus Christ in the World Cup 14 final, Rejistania would already have three World Cups, a feat never achieved before.

And so 95% of the population gathered - at home, in the Sports Squares in every major city, in the pubs selling mercifully low-alcohol beer, anywhere - to watch a green-shirted team with vaguely familiar players take on an all-star defensive uberteam in orange and blue. Nobody seemed to know what was going on. Apparently this was a final of some sort, but nobody knew what. 'Cup of Harmony final,' said one in Kaza Sports Square. And he was right. This was 1pm Kaza time, three hours before the match between the Green Team and the Orange/Blue Team, and it was Sarzonia v Legalese. The score was 0-0. Four minutes had been played. The crowds were such that it looked like a Progressan international.

Then suddenly a chant burst out. 'WE'RE TOP OF THE WORLD... *clap clap clap*... WE'RE TOP OF THE WORLD...'... and on it went.

Most assumed the Progressan team had finally won the World Tiddlywinks Championship. They had - beating Ravea in the final in front of a rapturous crowd of 18,000 in the Fildi WaterSlam Basketball Stadium. But in fact, this was a dreamer. 'WE'RE GOING TO WIN THE WORLD CUP!!' he shouted, deleriously. Most people responded with something along the lines of 'What the slani hell?'.

And then the truth, the truth dawned. Rejistania's opponents in their fourth World Cup final were Kaze Progressa. No wonder the names - Borapi, Rapikok, Cozii-Danila, above all Luvo - were so familiar. A nation had gathered to watch - potentially - a miracle beyond anything Jesus, or Jeb, or computer error, could ever produce. After all, there had already been three - in the matches against Tadjikistan, Audioslavia and Squornshelous. But even some Progressans wanted to lose, for a simple reason. Nobody would ever get over a Progressan victory. The nation would faint into collective shock and never recover, and would then be invaded successfully by Abysmalistan.

And so it was that the match kicked off at 4pm local time. A nation was in shock. Even the legendary Progressan train network stopped. But this was not the death of the President - who isn't even powerful in this country, and holds the nominal title 'Global Representative' - nor the announcement of war. This was a celebration, of Excel manipulation by representatives from two friendly nations, in charge of each other's fate and that of thirty others on a rotating basis every four years. In other words, the World Cup hosts.

But that was just the cynical view. Believe it, and the result was pre-determined. But because it was such a well-kept secret, nobody here knew the pre-determined result (if one existed), and they clung to the (apparently 30%) chance of a monumental miracle.

Within six minutes, the dream appeared dead. Rejistania won a free kick 25 yards out, Harakemindanutikejil smashed the ball into the roof of the net before you could pronounce his name. The commentators just called him 'Sa'. Rejistania would now retreat into their shell. They never conceded goals that way.

They did retreat into their shell, but it did not work. In the 14th minute, seven defenders crowded out Sani Luvo on the edge of the penalty area. Luvo fell over, pushed by a flying limb, and a penalty was awarded. With nobody within six yards, Luvo felt secure and equalised.

So much for invincible System Karela.

The next twenty minutes passed in a blur of noise, nobody doing much but everybody making a deafening noise. Then suddenly, from nowhere, Rapikok smashed at the ball, which flew into the hands of Ninu Juru, only to suddenly fall out. Luvo prodded the ball into the unguarded net. The Progressans were ahead in the World Cup final.

What the slani hell, indeed.

All eleven players fainted around a minute later as they realised the shock of this occurance, and Tuade Lue, who had the ball at the time 45 yards from goal, duly lobbed it into the empty net. 2-2. And that was the half-time score.

At half-time, as commentators mused over the chaos in Sonoma City. 'Neither team has quite worked out what on earth is going on,' mused one. 'And they're the ones determining what's going on! It's nonsense, utter nonsense, but I tell you - I've never enjoyed nonsense so much in my life.'

And on it went. This was a dream sequence, not a football match. Psychoanalysts were called to the scene, with all manner of books on Freudian theory in their hands, frantically looking for any significance of dreaming about an incident-packed, goal-feast of a World Cup final. Then they stopped when they realised it was actually happening for real, just as Luvo sidestepped Kadu Hsen before tapping the ball past Juru to make it 3-2 after 63 minutes, completing possibly the first hat-trick ever in a World Cup final. (He also became possibly the first player to score two hat-tricks in the same World Cup, the first being against NEWI Cefn Druids in the group stage.) Chants of 'BETTER THAN ALAN BELMORE!' sounded around Kaza Sports Square.

Kaze Progressa were less than half an hour away from winning the World Cup.

This was not a piece of propaganda. If it was a computer-game simulation similar to the one which duped one television channel four years ago in the match against Melmond, then the graphics had become very much more realistic in that time. The game engine had probably changed too.

Sure enough, Jenji Y came off the bench to score in the 69th minute with a diving header, then again in the 76th minute with a 20-yard volley. Realism returned, to the point where almost nobody complained when Rapikok's equaliser in the third minute of injury time was disallowed for a marginal offside decision (TV replays suggested it was probably wrong, but also caught flying elbows from both sides which could have been interpreted as a foul from either side).

And so the Progressans went home. The trains started running again. The country had reason not to smile. Smiling and cheering doesn't suit them. And the Rejistanians, who have had plenty of practice now, were given the task of coping with being happy.

Rejistania 4 [Harakemindanutikejil 6, Lue 36, Jenji Y 69,76]
Kaze Progressa 3 [Luvo 11, 34, 63]

Sirake Tekim: Hejida listeners, this is radio RejisCAST. We are broadcasting live and directly from Bedistan, where today and in a short time, the fial of the world cup will take place. As everyone in entire FIFA knows, the Orange-Blues are playing against Kaze Progressa. Elin Ri is live for us in Sonoma City, Bedistan. Hejida Elin!

Elin Ri: Hejida Sirake! Tell me, what makes you think that the final is known all over FIFA?

ST: The noise of the fans will not stop at borders...

ER: and I thought you referred to progressan and rejistani immigrants in the various nations.

ST: There are surely no progressans or rejistanis in Abysmalistan or Lemmistana.

ER: At least no sane ones!

ST: indeed.

ER: Maybe there is immigration to these countries from Kingsford... I mean: I am sure being an atheist in Kingsford is a reason for voluntary exile.

ST: I still cannot imagine anyone would immigrate to Abysmalistan, there's nothing but swamps and failure...

ER: ...talking about failure... the router...

ST: ...not again!

ER: It is no abysmal model anymore, it is ADVANSID.

ST: You said it is no abysmal model anymore...

ER: Well, not from the country Abysmalistan, whether it is abysmal or not, I do not know. It's the first broadcast with it

ST: uh-oh!

ER: you know ADVANSID?

ST: I read the UN-report about the IT sector.

ER: Horrible pessimists, they are!

ST: Talking about pessimism, how's the mood among the fans?

ER: Pessimism is a good word! The fans, all clad in orange and blue expect not much... rather a good match than a title, but they are excited, very much!

ST: Well, a final is something to be excited about.

ER: Yeah, and a final with rejistani participation even more!

ST: Yeah, happened only four times in seven world cups.

ER: Stats say nothing!

ST: Well, then I need you do say something: If possible the line-up of both teams.

ER: Ve, We start with the Orange-Blues: Ninu Juru is in goal again, defenders are: Kadu Hsen, Sasijilvenku "Sasi" Dikelesinivetisaru, Syly Kansu and Mija Kansu. The rejistani midfield consists of Siki Venji, Y Syku, Kvansa Laijiyiaya, who can play again and Tuade "vaxiriva-ethana'he" Lue, the forwards are Ji Y and... can I just say "Sa"?

ST: No!

ER: okay: Salakerijasamenatira "Sa" Harakemindanutikejil.

ST: No discrimination!

ER: Ve... Now for Kaze Progressa: Fayu Fanzuhu is goalkeeper, the defense consists of: "Sasi"'s teammate Bartaz Borapi, Garzni Gajzilin, Lartaz Hariza. The midfielders are: Rahujiz Rapikok, Jaulinta Huginez, Quaza Acaiz, Kaiziu Horaski and Carina Cahztavaniko a player, who apparently hails from seleke...

ST: (interferes) That you still wouldn't have finished pronouncing the name.

ER: maybe,... the hetaki for Kaze will be...

ST: (interferes again) We are no rejistanian-speaking station.

ER: Did I say Kaseh?

ST: You said "hetaki"

ER: ah yeh, it's the excitement... The forwards are Cavinski Cozii-Danila and Sani Luvo. A player who makes not much problems for rejistanians, at least when it comes to pronouncing it.

(the anthems of Kaze Progressa and Rejistania are played, of course the progressans in the stadium get to know the translation of: "We will trash you inepts!" while the listeners of Radio RejisCAST hear only a bleep at that part. For some reason, rejistani soccer chants to the melody of the national anthem are considered insulting by the management)


(the match starts)
ER: That is the beginning of the final of World Cup 18 and the Orange-Blues are playing Kaze Progressa. The Lasane in what looks in the line-up like a System Imdila, the Progressans more offensive this time.

ST: Not just this time, it's a clash of playing cultures between our two nations.

ER: You mean because we are the country of Karela?

ST: Indeed. But despite that, there is a fan friendship between the two nations.

ER: ...which is currently on hiatus

ST: for obvious reasons.

(6th minute)
ER: Uh-oh, that did not look good, the referee should decide for a free kick, yes, he does, Kvansa Laijiyiaya and "Sa" can take it... "Sa" does and XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOORRRRRRRRRRRRRRRAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!

ST: We are ahead?

ER: Ve, we are, 1 - nil!

ST: Time for System Karela, I guess?

ER: You know rejistani tactics. I also would assume they play with only few risk now.

(14th minute)
ER: The Progressans attack again... Luvo has the ball but, Syly Kansu tries to intercept... uh-oh, I did not excatly see that scene, but Luvo fell down, the referee decides for a penalty kick for Kaze.

ST: Why you say only "Kaze"?

ER: It's easier. What the slani hell? Luvo will take it? (small pause) Gojna! Gojna! Gojna!

ST: ELIN!

ER: Sirake, shut it, the score is equalized!

ST: I do not want to know how falling behin sounds then...

(34th minute)
ER: Ths all results to nothing, any attacks are stopped already in the midfield of the opponents, somebody should try something other... (a short pause) Rapikok wins the duel against Venji'he... Gah, he tries from a distance... JURU, he can et the ball, he cannot hold it, it falls down, Luvo... from nowhere <CENSORED>'ta <CENSORED> <BLEEEEEEEEEEEEP>

ST: Calm down!

ER: I am no "neutral" traitor without homeland, <BLEEEEP>!

(35th minute)
ER: The match just started again... What you are hearing now is the stadium speaker announcing the new score... What is happening now, the Progressans lose conscience, they all faint because they are ahead. And Lue'he takes advantage of the situation, while everyone simply stands there, Tuade Lue runs upfields and there is no one to stop him.... he shoot and <loud noise makes it impossible to understand Elin>

ST: That sounds like the equalizer?

ER: (Still loud cheering is heard) Yes, it is!

(half time)
ER: That's it! The first half ends now.

ST: To me it seemed to be a pretty exciting match, many goals, some incidents...

ER: Yes, it indeed was extremely exciting, unfortunately, the Progressans are no longer the team to get trashed in group stage.

ST: Yeah, they come out of nowhere, reach the final and apparently will win the cup.

ER: Nah, I won't say so. The Progressans are afraid of success.

ST: How can you be?

ER: They say that they cannot cope with a win in the final, fall into shock and will be invaded successfully by Abysmalistan if they do.

ST: Sucessfully by Abysmalis? Can't be!

ER: I am just quoting fans, Abysmalis would fail if they tried - if they'd bother at all.

ST: Still, was that the reason why the players fainted in the 35th minute?

ER: I guess so. The stadium speaker destroyed their mental illusion of being behind, they needed this illusion very much, maybe hypnosis was used...

ST: You are exaggerating!

ER: Progressans are a bit like Rejistanis always wanting to win.

ST: But in this match...

ER: See, that was the paradox, which led to the 2:2.

ST: Still... using hypnosis is a bit extreme to me...

ER: Psychology has more importance in Kaze Progressa than in the Rejis.

ST: Oh, I see...

(63rd minute)
ER: The progressans play as if in a dream, I can't deny that... Again an attack by them against the rejistani System Jesejil, again by Luvo... Hsen interferes,... no was outsmarted,... <a series of selected expletives is heard through the cheering of progressan fans.>

ST: Gojin!

ER: It's more than that, it is: <Sirake bleeps it out>

ST: I would agree with you if not thousands of listeners would be offended by that!

ER: Who jut said it too, or maybe the even harder versions.

ST: Worse than that?

ER: It is still possible.

ST: Don't quote examples!

ER: meh! Anyways: Luvo'he score the perhapsfirst ever hat trick in a world cup final.

ST: Is this guy belmorian?

ER: He plays in the progressan national team.

ST: That means nothing. His parents can still be Belmorians.

ER: Ah right... well, his name is not Alan Belmore...

ST: that means nothing. The number of Alan Belmores is much lower than before.

ER: But all imporant persons are still named like this.

ST: point for you.

(69th minute)
ER: That is a consequene, we all expected: The Orange-Blues make a substiuttion, Jenji Y comes in for Ji Y.

ST: Godmod ahead?

ER: Yeah! His nickname is "godmod", since he has a talent as joker, like now when he's directly starting an attack.... XXXXXXXXXXXXXKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOORRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR RRRRRRRAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!

ST: Don't tell me!

ER: (you can only guess what he says) But I do!

(76th minute)
ER: The substitution greatly helped the team, numerous attacks were started, but the progressan defense could cope with them and none brought them in imminent danger.

ST: Except the one in the 69th minute?

ER: yeah, just wanted to say that. Another attack of the Orange-Blues, SyMji ... oh, he let's the defencders look dumb here, passes to Jenji Y... XXXXXXXXXXXXXKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOORRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR RRRRRRRAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!

(at this point, the broadcast breaks down, but this time because the audio equipment was ruined by the volume of the rejistani fans.)

(90th+3rd minute)
ST: I see it here on the TV: the Orange-Blues nearly conceded a goal, but the referee decided correctly, Rapikok was offsite and not allowed to godmod more than Sani Luvo. (distant cheering is heard, as we know, the wall in the RejisCAST building do not absorb sound well) That is the end of the match: the Orange-Blues are WORLD CHAMPIONS!!!!