NationStates Jolt Archive

World Cup 18 RP Thread

WC18 :: Roster Thread (http://forums2.jolt.co.uk/showthread.php?p=7266940#post7266940)

WC18 :: Referee Thread (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showthread.php?p=7270743)

WC18 :: Discussion Thread (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showthread.php?p=7289087)

WC18 :: Score Thread (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showthread.php?t=367675)

Group Stage Stadiums to be used in Eauz (http://forums2.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=7426240&postcount=419)
Group Stage Stadiums to be used in Bedistan (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=7426334&postcount=420)


::World Cup 18 Qualifying Groups::
(Click on Team Name for Roster)


Hosts:
Bedistan (http://forums2.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=7319279&postcount=41)
Eauz (http://forums2.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=7306898&postcount=31)


==GROUP ONE==
Iansisle (http://forums2.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=7307180&postcount=34)
Spaam
Crystilakere (http://forums2.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=7290056&postcount=28)
Jeruselem (http://forums2.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=7274681&postcount=18)
Slaikau
Smoking Pits
Wapahkoneta
New Dubai


==GROUP TWO==
NEWI Cefn Druids (http://forums2.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=7274090&postcount=16)
Kingsford
Turori (http://forums2.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=7311917&postcount=39)
The Belmore Family
Eystrck
Castillanos
Eskrador
Vorpal Bunnies


==GROUP THREE==
Audioslavia (http://forums2.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=7267502&postcount=3)
Cockbill Street
Tadjikistan (http://forums2.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=7274750&postcount=19)
Oaker
Avenging Altos
Kipto-Mare
Druida (http://forums2.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=7274163&postcount=17)
Vollmeria


==GROUP FOUR==
The Eagles Nest (http://forums2.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=7309185&postcount=36)
Kaze Progressa (http://forums2.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=7306375&postcount=30)
Krytenia (http://forums2.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=7313140&postcount=40)
Snub Nose 38 (http://forums2.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=7278386&postcount=23)
Spurland
Qia
Fmjphoenix (http://forums2.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=7269267&postcount=9)
Ashibot



==GROUP FIVE==
Total n Utter Insanity
Dance 2 Revolution (http://forums2.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=7276804&postcount=20)
Lemmitania
The Weegies (http://forums2.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=7273559&postcount=15)
Magnus Valerius
Big Pimento (http://forums2.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=7307007&postcount=32)
Myrulesia
Tippman


==GROUP SIX==
Vilita (http://forums2.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=7267753&postcount=4)
The Lowland Clans (http://forums2.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=7309655&postcount=37)
One Red Dot
Lykaia
Kylaai (http://forums2.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=7309718&postcount=38)
Maserrat (http://forums2.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=7267320&postcount=2)
Maldunia (http://forums2.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=7319283&postcount=42)
Somalialand (http://forums2.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=7268407&postcount=8)


==GROUP SEVEN==
Svecia (http://forums2.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=7271652&postcount=13)
Squornshelous (http://forums2.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=7270657&postcount=12)
Dennisov
Wella
Oddslavo
Artoonia
Finrods
Sarcodina


==GROUP EIGHT==
Rejistania (http://forums2.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=7269355&postcount=10)
Commerce Heights
Lovisa
Sarzonia (http://forums2.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=7271852&postcount=14)
Northbank
Liechtenistan
Spalatium
Legalese (http://forums2.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=7268216&postcount=7)


==GROUP NINE==
Melmond
Raptor Claw
EL CID THE HERO (http://forums2.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=7268074&postcount=6)
NASTIC 2
Esth
The Gulf States
Allsio
Oceaice (http://forums2.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=7299271&postcount=29)


==GROUP TEN==
Liverpool England
Starblaydia (http://forums2.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=7267891&postcount=5)
Aquiliana (http://forums2.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=7270603&postcount=11)
Halfassedstates
The Evil Umpire
Nova Britannicus (http://forums2.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=7281145&postcount=25)
The Latin Union
Sonova


::WC18 Qualifying Schedule::
MD01: 1v8 - 2v7 - 3v6 - 4v5
MD02: 3v1 - 8v2 - 7v4 - 6v5
MD03: 1v5 - 2v4 - 3v8 - 6v7
MD04: 7v1 - 6v2 - 5v3 - 8v4
MD05: 1v2 - 3v7 - 4v6 - 5v8
MD06: 4v1 - 3v2 - 7v5 - 8v6
MD07: 1v6 - 2v5 - 3v4 - 7v8

MD08: 8v1 - 7v2 - 6v3 - 5v4
MD09: 1v3 - 2v8 - 4v7 - 5v6
MD10: 5v1 - 4v2 - 8v3 - 7v6
MD11: 1v7 - 2v6 - 3v5 - 4v8
MD12: 2v1 - 7v3 - 6v4 - 8v5
MD13: 1v4 - 2v3 - 5v7 - 6v8
MD14: 6v1 - 5v2 - 4v3 - 8v7


Qualifying Format:

At the moment, there are 80 teams + 2 hosts, and assuming this doesn’t change, we are looking to make it 10 groups of 8 teams in the qualifying round.

RP Bonus:

There will be a RP bonus. Bedistan's current idea is to have it based on length, divided into seven categories ranging from "slani" to "über". I think this is best because it is the only fair, non-subjective way to do it (whoa, I didn't refer to myself in the third person there...I've been on IRC too much).

You have a fair point, but as Rejis said, the bonus needs to be unbiased. And you're right, there probably is a better way. But (IMO, at least) this way is better than merely giving each post an arbitrary rating that could be subject to the bonus-awarder's mood, any pre-existing vendettas, or other stuff of that kind. Out of curiosity, what sort of ideas do you have?

And for the record, there is a counter to "Spaaming" -- over a certain point, the bonus maxes out. And also note that the bonus will not be per post, but rather per matchday, so after an "über"-length post (I'm not giving details here to prevent abuse of the system) is made, one can't circumvent the limits by just making another post that same day.

I developed the seven categories based on a random page of RPs from the World Cup 17 RP thread. Here's how that page turned out:

Slani - 0 (0.0%)
Fair - 1 (4.8%)
Average - 4 (19.0%)
Good - 5 (23.8%)
Very Good - 5 (23.8%)
Excellent - 3 (14.3%)
Über - 3 (14.3%)

So even a medium-length RP will get one into the "good" or "very good" range.

The Final for World Cup 18 will be played in Bedistan in the Fillmore National Stadium in Sonoma City. The 3rd place match will be played in Le Parc des Mémoire in Bruzze.

Stadiums are Below:

Eauzian stadia:
http://www.angelfire.com/co4/eauz/std-eauz.html

Bedistani stadia:
http://bellsouthpwp.net/h/a/harleyt_1387/wc18/bedistani_stadia.html

*Thanks Vilita for the Layout...

Big Test Ahead: Philosophers Will Play in Hostile Environment

No matter what, it can be safe to assume that the Philosophers don't have an easy road ahead. With the World Cup being held in Bedistan and Eauz, regardless of where the team plays, hostile atmospheres can be expected. After all, they did knock both hosts out of World Cup 17. However, one point to note is that the last time a World Cup was held in Bedistan, and the final itself in Bedistan, guess who won it.

FS: Hi, this is Frejdriych Schmitt here, reporting for MSTV, and for the duration of World Cup 18 I'll be following the team around, getting exclusive interviews, opinions and anything else remotely interesting with the help of my cameraman, Bill. Say hello, Bill.

Bill (off camera): Hi.

FS: Okay, so basically we're at the airport, where the team has just landed. The tournament doesn't start until Saturday, but there's no time like the present to start training, is there, Bill?

Bill (off camera): Nope.

FS: See? Bill says it so it must be true! Okay, the team is just coming out. There's coach Poskit Karpova - a good man, a good man indeed. I remember one time when I was really hungry at a press conference, and he gave me his sandwich. Granted, he didn't like it himself, and frankly neither did I, but it's the thought that counts, isn't it, Bill?

Bill (off camera): Yep.

FS: Shut up, Bill, there's man of the hour, Qostaze Ubuloy. Scored nine goals in the Baptism Of Fire Cup, which they won, in case you didn't know. Boy, what an achievement! Could you do that, Bill?

Bill (off camera): Well...

FS: I didn't think so, Bill. Captain of the team, Borle Xantoi's just coming into view now. It looks like he's shaved off his beard - might've had something to do with that game against Smoking Pits, eh, Bill?

Bill (off camera): -

FS: For God's sake, Bill, don't speak unless you're spoken to. You're the cameraman, I'm the presenter. Do you get that? Huh? Do you get that, Bill?

Bill (off camera): Sure.

FS: Good, so shut up, Bill! Oh...oh great, now we've missed the rest of the team. Thanks a lot, Bill.

Bill (off camera): !?!

FS: Sorry about that, viewers. We'll bring more to you as soon as we get it. (mutters) You can never get the staff these days...

sings

EL CID NEWS.
NEWS YOU CAN USE.

sports news

LETS HOPE IT'S A GOOD ONE

The fans are up for it, the players are up for it and the media is ready to inspect anything that hapens in these WC18 matches.

After a Good show 4 years El Cid once again expects to gain a spot in the finals.

"we proved we could do it" said now Noble Chris Skinner "and hopefully we can do it again"

However it won't be as easy this year with midfielders Panaglotis Keisl retired Terry Neville failing a drugs test and Michael Oakeshoot and Ron Snebley both out for this tournement limiting the options the manager has.

However new blood such as Roy Hunter taking over his brothers role in the defense so hopefully El Cid can do it again.

The Bedistan Sports Digest

Fillmore National Stadium Opens
Stadium to host WC18 final

SONOMA CITY -- Fillmore National Stadium, so named because the Fillmore Motor Company, Bedistan's largest corporation, donated over thirty million bakrani to its construction, officially opened its gates for the first time this afternoon as tens of thousands of spectators from all over the metro area came to watch the Sonoma City Volcanoes' final home match of the 2054 BPL season against Viborg FC.

Fillmore National has seating for over 144,000 fans, and every seat was filled today, making the greatest attendance in BPL history. It is the largest stadium ever constructed in Bedistan, and agreements worked out between the FAs of Bedistan and Eauz have caused it to be selected to host the World Cup XVIII final.

The Volcanoes' old venue, the Sonoma Dome, is now undergoing renovation to become a multi-purpose arena.

Somalialand Ready to loosen up and give out Knock out Blows
Somalialand press news service

After not so entacing results from the BoF the Federation of somalialand are ready and waiting for their first game in the qualifiers, "Any attempt to hold us down will fail" said mr mohamed furer, the amazing and impowering coach that lead the Mogidishu F.C to a somalialand cup and the beautiful Semi-final victory at the Africa Federation Cup,

"Most will give up after a bad start in the BoF" said Gali ahmed, A young star who has proven himself in the BoF, The SFF(Somalialand Football Federation) has also tried to reward players who do good in tournements such as the BoF and the World cup qualifiers

Even though the SFF has tried to assemble the best players from 23 Football Clubs in somalialand, they have failed to come up with a perfect team, But this year seems diffrent and this world cup seems alot diffren than the ones that happend before it, and even though Somalialnd can move out quickly and clinch a spot in the world cup depending on the Group they are put in they are still not absolute a victorious Qualifying matches

In other football news Somalialand has moved to bring a Mr Nurridin Bolrick to become the new head of The SFF, Mr Nurridin was the manager of the Jubba Hose(pronounce as its written) Fottball club, the club won last years somalialand Cub and almost went to the quaterfinals of the AFC(African Federation Cub)

VILÄMNA DAGENS NYHETER

WE APOLOGIZE
Longer roleplays needed to score more goals create headaches in Svecia

Due to new rules this World Cup governing the amount of roleplay bonus points, the Vilämna Dagens Nyheter feels compelled to write longer stories in order to help our Lightning play better on the pitch. But unfortunatley, due to recent reduced government funding for the media, our sports writing crew has found itself short-staffed after 3 writers had to be released in order to stay under the budget set by the government in order for us to keep recieving funding.

So now that we have apologized for why our stories will not be as long as some other countrys´ and why the Svecikan national team may not perform as well in this World Cup as in others, lets meet the team!

Goalkeeper:
#1 Piet van Meer - A starter on his Melmond club team, this guy is solid. Not much gets past him, and he seems to pick up the slack whenever the Lightning play sloppily in the field, which happens more often than one might think.

Defense:
#8 Hans Larsson - A veteran, who with Kristiansand make up the defensive center positions. His tackling ability is to die for.
#3 Oskar Falköping - The rookie on defense. His performance for his U21 match against the National Team last year earned him a spot on this roster.
#20 Gottlieb Frisk - Another anchor for the defense. Speedy as heck.
#10 Tomas Kristiansand - Probably the best defender Svecia has seen in its voetball history.

Midfield:
#12 Lars Svensson - The only veteran in the midfield. His ground passes always reach their target, even if his crosses aren´t always to the right team.
#17 Hannes Ljungberg - The 18 year old finds himself pushed into the position from his subsititue status after the retirement of Pawel Forsch.
#13 Druijf de Vlieger - Another new kid for the midfield. His Dutch town went nuts when they found out he would be playing for the national team.

Forwards:
#14 Mikael Solskjaer - The best player in the Svecikan Premier League. He has led his Kystig FC team to 3 Premier Leauge championship titles and a 29 game unbeaten streak.
#2 Hanan Belagt - The top goal scorer on the national team, although closely followed by Solskjaer, has been a consistent element of the Svecian attack for four World Cups.
#9 Joël Simão - Although he hasn´t been around as long as Belagt or Solskjaer, he certainly does his part in the Terrible Trio of the Svecikan front line.

Head Coach:
Matt de Fijts - This man has seen it all. It was his spectacular play that led to the Lightning´s 3rd place finish in World Cups 5 and 7. It was also his mediocre coaching that helped the Lightning get knocked out of the World Cup 16 finals. What side will we see this Cup?


Their World Cup run was ended last time with a bitter loss to Melmond, the teams favorite rivals. This time around the Lightning are better equipped, at least on paper. Once again, hang on to your hats Ladies and Gentlemen, the Svecia Lightning are about to start on their World Cup tour again.

Stars hope to put grief, problems past them

The Sarzonian national team has become known as a team that has just missed out on two World Cup finals after getting off to a great start in qualifying. Until recent weeks, their biggest problem had been trying to figure out how to break into the finals.

Then, an outbreak of the SARS virus moved the Cup of Harmony from Sarzonia and the team lost its first two matches of the tournament. Coach Bryan Marshall was killed in a car accident after leaving a training session. All of a sudden, not making the World Cup finals was the least of the problems for the Sarzonian football team.

"It's been very difficult, to say the least," Interim Head Coach Dave Wilson said. "Bryan was much more than my boss or the coach of the national team. He was a great friend of mine. But he would have wanted us to move on and succeed, so we're going to try to do that.

Wilson said that forward Anton Gregor is still "weeks away" from being able to rejoin the national team after tearing his anterior cruciate ligament during the AOCAF tournament. Forward Kenny Cooper is also "on the verge" of entering the starting 11.

"We may play a more attacking style in this tournament," Wilson said. His son, forward Brian Wilson, was voted team captain after midfielder Bobby Convey announced that he didn't want to retain the captain's armband for the World Cup.

"This was a vote by the players. They wanted him to be captain," Wilson said, dismissing talk that Brian was named captain because he was now the coach's son. "I would have been happy to keep Bobby as captain, but he said he wanted Brian to have the job."

"I'm honored to be the captain," Wilson said. "The fact that it was a vote of confidence from my teammate makes it mean even more to me."

FMJPhoenix anxious to prove that it can hang
By Ryan Sloff

Vanguard, FMJPhoenix : The FMJPhoenix National Soccor Team has been very anxious to show people that the Baptism of Fire is only a preliminary of what they can do on the field. They already showed that they have enough fortitude to stay into the game and give more than everything they have available.

In match 1, they won a tough one against Legalese 3-2. The second match against Somalialand was won with only one goal, 1-0. Finally, with a more than a little luck on their side, they beat the only other unbeaten team in the group Nova Brittanicus 1-0. Then they tasted their first and last defeat in the BoF against Smoking Pits 1-0. It was tough, but they handled it greatly, showing poise for such a young team.

Now they hope to prove they can play with the big boys in what is looking like one hell of a great time!

Björn-Trevor Frederiksson: "Hello, you're listening to the Cefn Broadcasting Network, I'm former Druids striker Björn-Trevor Frederiksson, with me is NEWI Cefn Druids defensive coach Amos Hinton. Amos, do you think the Druids will make it to their fourth world cup in a row?"

Amos Hinton: "No, we have no chance of making it through, we aren't a very good team and we should get beaten in every match."

Björn-Trevor Frederiksson: "But surely your team will be one of the better fancied teams to win the tournament?"

Amos Hinton: "No, Björn, you see that's a mistake everyone makes. We have no chance of beating anyone at all."

Björn-Trevor Frederiksson: "But nobody even knows the draw yet. Is it not a little early too be saying such things?"

Amos Hinton: "No, I would have to disagree with you there. It's never too early to tell the truth, and that's what it is. I also know the draw already, I know that we have no chance at all."

Björn-Trevor Frederiksson: "But how can you say you know the draw already? It isn't going to be made for a fair while yet."

Amos Hinton: "No, I do know the draw, I have had a preminission, I know the teams we will be facing."

Björn-Trevor Frederiksson: "Well, perhaps you'd like to tell us all who the Druids will be playing against."

Amos Hinton: "No, Björn, I am afraid I can't do that."

Björn-Trevor Frederiksson: "Why not?"

Amos Hinton: "No, the question is not why, it is how, I know how and you all do too."

Björn-Trevor Frederiksson: "We don't."

Amos Hinton: "No, I think you'll find you do. Now, if you'll excuse me, I have work to be getting on with."

Björn-Trevor Frederiksson: "OK, Amos Hinton, thank you very much."

Amos Hinton: "No, don't thank me, I haven't told you anything..."

CD: Crazy Dave
BC: Bedistan Chick Betty

CD: This is Crazy Dave in Bedistan for duty to report on the World Cup XVIII. Jeruselem cursed? Never mind, I'm here to talk girls and soccer. Speaking of girls, I'm talking to Betty here. She's a loyal Bedistan soccer fan.

BC: Hi Dave! Like my costume?

CD: Nice flag! Anything else under it, not that I mind.

BC: No, just the flag.

CD: Well, it is your normal garb for Bedistan games? or you're just pleased to see me?

BC: I'll do anything to see my beloved Bedistan win. Even streak if they are losing.

CD: OK, tell you what. If Bedistan win the World Cup, you can join my cable network as live nude host. Deal?

BC: Bedistan will win! Yes, it's a deal. Say what happens if they don't?

CD: I'll get any proceeds from any Playboy shoots you do.

BC: What the heck, all for Bedistan!

CD: Say, I'm nearly finished work and don't know any around here.

BC: It's cold out here, but I don't trust strange people like you.

CD: You're strange too. Talking to a soccer commentator with only flag to cover you.

BC: You win, I'll follow you.

FS: We're now following the Maserrat team coach along the motorway. I can't really see a lot from in here - they've got those tinted windows. I'll see if I can see more outside. Give me that camera, Bill!

*Climbs out of the window onto the roof of the car*

FS: For Christ's sake, Bill, can you slow down a little, I'm having trouble holding on out here!

Bill (off camera): Okay.

FS: Right, they seem to be throwing something around in there. It looks like a ball...or maybe it's a bra, I can't tell from here. Can you get us any close, Bill?

Bill (off camera): I'll try!

*Bill speeds up and gets just behind the coach*

FS: Okay, hold it there, Bill. Yes, it's what I thought it was!

Bill (off camera): What, a bra!?!

FS: No, not a bra, Bill, a ball! Where did you get that from, huh? What are you thinking about in that tiny mind of yours? Anyway, it's gone now, whatever it was. There's a big screen up the front. It looks like they're watching a film.

Bill (off camera): What film is it? 'The Hunt For Red October'? 'The Battleship Potemkin'?

FS: No, 'Bambi'! Strange, I thought they banned that film. Something to do with it being too scary. Obviously they've never seen 'The Exorcist'. You're pulling away, Bill. Get back next to the coach. Soembody's just stood up. It looks like midfielder Ferevarco Ferenitzin. Promoted to the full team for the Baptism Of Fire Cup and hasn't looked back since.

On The Coach

FF: Hey, boss, what can I do with my gum?

PK: Just toss it out the window, Fere!

*Ferenitzin opens the window, sticks his hand outside and lets go of his gum*

Outside

FS: Aaaaghh, me eye! Bill, I've got gum in my eye!

Bill (off camera): Aah, many a time have I got gum in my eye.

*There is a muffled thud as Schmitt falls off the roof of the car into a ditch*

Bill (off camera): Frejd? Frejd? Where did he go?

Personnel changes in the Orange-Blue team

The Orange-Blues of this World Cup are not too much reminding of the team 4 years ago: Many personal changes occured, people retired were forced to retire and others took their place. The KaMaRi Update recapitulates all important events of the last 2 years:
* Coach Laxtu "LaxTa" Takil retired due to high age and due to the fact that he wants to retire on the climax of his career.
* Interim Coach Myk Linkosa, infamous for his love to System Karela tactics, 'retired due to personal reasons'. Maybe it was no good idea to begin an affair with the wife of ASR (asene sekhika rejistaniha: rejistanian soccer association) president Teke Daran. Hetir Daran and Myk Linkosa currently live together happily as it appears. Teke Daran did not accept a divorce for tax reasons.
* Former star striker SyLy was appointed as new coach of the Orange-Blues. He asked for enough freedom for personal changes despite being unpopular and maybe not wanted by the ASR, Teke Daran accepted.
* Salakerijasamenatira Harakemindanutikejil replaced SyMji as striker. Since the seleke name is unpronouncable for most foreigners and the majority of rejistanians he had always the nickname "sa" (meaning: 7). Due to that he is the first striker having a kit number lower than ten.
* SyLy replaced nearly the entire defense. Many players are unexperienced but skilled former U21-players. As a reaction, he was pied by a Karela Lines fan.

Interim Sarzonian national team Coach Dave Wilson held court with reporters the other day as the Sarzonian national team began the final stages of preparations for their match against Big Pimento in the Cup of Harmony.

Q: Are you planning to do anything differently than Bryan?
A: Well, I'm a different coach than Bryan so I'm probably going to do one or two things a little different. Maybe I'll make 'em practice in tutus. (laughs).

As far as personnel, Bobby Convey stepped down as team captain. He said he wanted to give someone else the chance, so I left it up to the players to decide who they wanted. They picked Brian. If he weren't my son, it'd have been a slam dunk, but because he is my son, [assistant coach Barry Owens] had to talk me into approving it. We've got a successful system in place. I'm really not going to want to reinvent the wheel since we've accomplished a lot in a short time. Jeff Conley retired so we're putting George Mitcham in his spot. Anton Gregor's almost ready to get back in the starting 11 health wise, but we need to get him in match shape. He'll be off the roster for qualifying, but we might be able to put him on if we advance.

What do you think is going to be the biggest challenge of this World Cup?
Well, we're going through our toughest times from a non-football standpoint right now. The football itself is a relief from everything else going on. You don't replace a Bryan Marshall. You just don't. I'm just going to have to do the best job I can with what I have and hope that's going to be enough.

Has the IFF contacted you about the permanent coaching job and have they set a timetable for naming a permanent coach?
Based on what they tell me, they haven't set a timetable for naming a new coach, but they want me to be the coach for the rest of the Cup of Harmony and for World Cup qualifications at the very least.

What's the team's morale heading toward the World Cup?
I think we're in pretty good spirits, considering. It's tough. It's tough to lose a guy who was so connected to our lives, but we have to move on from here and remember Bryan the best way we can. Hopefully, we can make the finals and do something great there. That'd be the best way to remember him.

Any comments on the other teams?
I'd prefer to wait until we know our draw, but I see that Rejistania just put that guy [striker Salakerijasamenatira Harakemindanutikejil] on their senior team roster. I think that's going to be our biggest challenge, figuring out what to do with that name. (Laughs) I think we're going to keep doing what the Under 21 team did, refer to him as 'that guy.' That name would take a doctor to pronounce. (Laughs)

Enter Enigmas
Unpredictable Pimento Side have WC Qualifying in Sight

Big Pimento took Group 4 of qualification four years ago by storm, outpointing, outscoring, outdefending and just generally outplaying all other new entries. The Pimentos became notorious for their gritty defensive play, making them a team who could contend with the best in the world on any given day. The results speak for themselves: A 3-3 Audioslavia against Audioslavia, 1-1 draws against Squornshelous and The Weegies and a shocking 1-0 victory over Cockbill Street.

The Pimentos took to the Harmony Cup to prove that their strong performance in qualifying was no fluke, looking to build upon their success in qualifying. Their results have been astounding, conceding a mere one goal against through three matches and a hard fought 1-0 victory against a highly touted Lovisan squad. As a result, Big Pimento find themselves on the cusp of making the cup playoffs.

Their final match in the group stage will come against Sarzonia, a team which has turned tragedy into motivation. With worries about SARS and grieving over deceased coach Bryan Marshall, the Sarzonian team came out firing last match, thoroughly putting the boots to Kylaai 3-1. A Big Pimento win would ensure qualification and might even give them a first-round bye in the tight group. A draw would require some help from above and a loss would send the Pimentos packing with wooden spoon in hand.

What remains to be seen in this World Cup is how Big Pimento will perform without the label of underdogs. Ok, they'll still have it tattooed on their head for at least 2/3rds of their matches, but opposing teams know they'll be coming. They've seen the Pimentos creep up on other sides and steal points from them. They wont be underestimated anymore.

Couple that with a number of fine teams climbing up the ladder following strong BoF performances. They'll be nipping at the Pimentos' heels and trying to knock them off, as Big Pimento will hold the unfamiliar tag of being a favorite. Having teams gun for them is a position they haven't been in before.

But let's not get ahead of ourselves. It's the eve of Big Pimento's big match against Sarzonia and they're 100% focused on that. The Pimentos could make that first big step into destiny tonight, otherwise, it'll be a long and painful wait until the qualification circuit begins.

2nd Qualification Hoped For
Relax, the Media Kings are back

With the SFA having already announced Starblaydia's 23-man squad (http://forums2.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=7267891&postcount=5), hopes are high that Starblaydia will qualify for their second World Cup Finals at their fourth attempt. Starblaydia, now ranked 21st in the world as far as Football goes, will hopefully be among the favourites for whatever group they are drawn in.

Instead of the usual battle to out-do their so-called betters, Starblaydia will be among the betters, for the first time in four World Cups. With this great power comes the Spidey Sense. Or is it great responsibility? Or Kirsten Dunst? I can never remember. Anyway, as 21st in the World, Starblaydia are truly emerging as a Great Power in World Football. What comes with such a rank, however, is both a sense of expectation and a big neon sign that says 'I'm a big nation, come and take a pop at me, all you Baptism-of-Fire-ers!'

So how do we make sure that we live up to the expectation? Well, here's a short list.


The Starblaydi Media Must Hound Starblaydia At Every Oppurtunity
This is an obvious one. Without the media (like me) to chase up Starblaydia every time they fail to win by Nine or more Goals against Ravea, or, shock of all shock, do worse than a draw against Commerce Heights. Without us, Starblaydia will become complacent and not play at all well.
Starblaydia must out-score their opponents in as many matches as possible
Sounds obvious, I know, but its incredible how often teams fail to do this. Starblaydia Managed to out-score their opponents Twelve times throughout World Cup 17's Qualifiers and Finals. On Nine occasions they failed to out-score their opponents, though Three of those were Draws.
Scorinators must be bribed at all times
Wait, this isnt the Bribery World Cup? Oh, crap. Too many lessons at the Commerce Heights School of Business Ethics. Sorry, ignore this one.
Ladies called Margaret must be praised at all times
Or exiled from the pitch/stadium/nation/plane of existence. Whichever is easier and most appropriate at the time.
Starblaydia must refrain from being within sight of persons from Cockbill Street at all times
Although this is difficult in the case of a Starblaydia V Cockbill Street match, the Streetians have a certain 'jinx' over Starblaydis, though Ezeobi pummelling Carbine in the Olympic Super-Heavyweight Boxing may have lifted this particular curse-jinx-thing.


So there you have it. The Top Five High Fidelity-Style Things that Starblaydia can do to make sure of their qualification and progression to Bedistan and Eauz for the 18th World Cup.

We'll have the draw for you, absolutely not-live and totally pre-recorded, once it has happened this Thursday. Either check with us for all the detauils, or read the official website.

"Its very good," said Simeone, Super-Star Striker for Starblaydia and, umm, Alan City. Can't he come back and play for Iskara again? That would have made my Alliteration sound better. Alan indeed.

This has been 'Scoop' Ragnarsson's brother, 'Surreal' Ragnarsson, reporting to the bathroom mirror for Ragnarsson TV. Goodnight and let's finish brushing my teeth.

D2R Announce International Retirements from WC17

International Retirements:

GK: Handplant (34)
GK: Liam Night (37)
D: Banvstrecko (33)
D: Argo Fefthkreingko (35)
D: Yinto Mayyojokyin (31)
D: Ximinez Ligaminharo (36)
D: Tiaos Cruciaman (32)
M: Yyst Nergientionaj (33)
M: Fern Seriiseiineii (34)
M: Al-Nerah Hekkakekan (32)
M: Lokjiytoronu Uto (37)
M: Naravja Kerrinja (35)
M: Seriak Pioililiaysrtya (33)
F: Thuerry Hentea (31)
F: Ruun Van Mushruum (32)
F: Afro Nova (30)
F: Dani Derani-Rarkin (36)
F: Arbegla Natsideb (33)

After a few shocking retirements...D2R were left with only 4 main players from WC17...Maeda, Jherylyinsto, Nerventyanorgonu and Derinda. This brought many places for Up-And-Coming Revolutionary players to get full time places. Trix, Über and Maeda Jnr. are high favourites to take up some of the vacant positions.

The Predictions

After an amazing campaign in WC17, which saw D2R reach the finals and leapfrog from rank 47th in the world to 18th in the world. Many would expect the expectations to the D2R to be extremely high. Truth is that D2R are expected to get to at least the Final 16, and see how they go from there, only time...and the luck of the draw will tell.

Pain in the Ass, Somalialand hopefull as Ever

The SFF has announced it will alot of time lost in the travels between EUAZ and BEDISTAN which are currently co-hosting the 18 world cup in NS, The SFF has also announced that it has suspended sumaye samsame who was in the reserve for not coming out clean with his drug proplem,

In his club team the Jubbaland football club, he was suspended for 18 days for voialating the drug policy and now the foot ball team has been reduced to 20 players to only 19 players,

In other news, the Federation Expects to cleanly go through the qualifiers and advance to at ;east to the quterfinals or the semis, "This is not an exgaration" said one field reporter after learning how had the team trains to sustain its high valued players and it majority good players.

It also been known that somalialand had given some thousands of dollars to good performaning players and every player is fighting for the reconotion of his country and the spot on one of the major clubs in the federation.

Somalialand clubs are highly filled with talented people and good players who have learned the art of Fotball to the core of their heart, "These players live, drink, and eat football" replied one threpist who works for the team, they are dedicated not only to their career but they are almost as dedicated to the career as they are dedicated to the national honor and pride.


********

In other news

>>> Straylabidia has Entereed the contest with a ravaging team
>>> D2R Announce International Retirements from WC17
>>> Rejistania anounces personnal changes to the Orange-Blue team
>>> FMJPhoenix anxious to prove that it can hang
>>> Sarzonian Stars hope to put grief, problems past them
>>> Fillmore National Stadium Opens in bedistan

OOC: Do we "host" our own games during qualifying? That is, unlike the Cup proper, are home games actually considered as having been played on our home pitch? Just checking :)

[OOC: Yes, you will play home and away in qualifying matches. Only in the Cup proper will you play in Eauz and Bedistan. The one time this wasn't the case was in World Cup 5, when so many of us got it wrong (myself included) that we played all matches, including qualifying, in the host nation. But not this time. ;)]

ooc: RP Bonus based on...length...? urk...

[OOC: Yes, you will play home and away in qualifying matches. Only in the Cup proper will you play in Eauz and Bedistan. The one time this wasn't the case was in World Cup 5, when so many of us got it wrong (myself included) that we played all matches, including qualifying, in the host nation. But not this time. ;)]

Appreciate it... expect some RP-age here after Yanks-Sox

There’s nothing like an international humiliation to bring up the gate revenues, thought Benny Answorth. A silly, contented smile spread across his face as he watched the great mass of red and white jerseys. Most of them wore the new Gull Flag design, with names like Lyon, Fletcher, or Ravenhill, but the old St Patrick’s design was also well represented. Answorth was pleased to note that at least two people were wearing his old number. The glory of the old SuperCup champion World Cup X Ians was waning relative to more modern teams, but at least it was still there.

Alexander Truman, his once jaunty brown hair now speckled with grey, walked to the front of the podium and waved out over the cheering crowd. When at last they had calmed down enough to allow him to be heard, he started his speech.

“Ladies and gentlemen, let me be the first to welcome you to the First Quadrennial Ians Convention!” he called out. The rejuvenated cheering drowned Truman out for a moment. “I know you’re all eager to hear the group and roster announcements, but first there’s someone who would like to say a few words. Ladies and gentlemen, may I present Mr David Westmore!”

This time there seemed to be no end to the cheering. Westmore, his old injury having long ago confined him to a wheelchair, rolled out onto stage from behind a curtain. His eyes had lost some of their old fire and there was some fat beneath his skin, but this was still the same man who had guided the Ians to a SuperCup victory and three appearances in the World Cup.

“Thank you!” he shouted after the microphone had been readjusted. “Thank you very much!” The crowd finally calmed down. “This, ladies and gentlemen, this is the year of the Ians!” More cheering. “We have the talent this year, we have your wonderful support, and we have the passion and drive. I know that no matter what group we end up in, the Ians will prevail, and not rest until we’ve had a World Cup of our own!” Still more cheering. “There’s nothing that can stop us now, not even mathematical trickery!” An immense amount of boos and catcalls. “For I have the most wonderful news! Your very own Brian Lyon, hero to millions, has agreed to play one more time!”

Lyon had been wavering for months, much to the anguish of Ians fans. They reacted to this news with such a cry of joy that Answorth was sure the roof would cave in.

((in other words, a long-winded tag ;)))

[OOC: Where are the pre-WC 18 rankings?]

Sarzonia - They are dependent on the not yet completed CoH

Somalialand... Calm the eff down with the headlines

The Novan Daily News Colour Supplement
Distrubted in Tuncastle, Widdrington, Montepool, Hernsworth, Foxchester and Beverington
Navy-Blues to Rule the Waves?

A Special Reoprt By Sven Motsonsson, Starblaydia's Premier Football Commentator

Nova Britannicus has been causing quite a stir of late in the world of football, particularly in the Starblaydi Alpha Division. First of all, Willbert Willis holds the Two-Time Championship-winning Iskara Daii Midfield together. Then Tuncastle Rovers gain surprise promotion to the Alpha Division. Then, in a supreme shock, the Rovers then push the Daii all the way to the end of the season, claiming second place, in the very same season that the Britannican-Favourites Foxchester Raiders make it int the Alpha Division.

As if two teams and a handful of truly great players in the top tier of a two-nation league, Nova Britannicus then go and put in a great performance to take the third-placed medals at the latest Baptism of Fire.

Those who took notice of the Baptism will certainly know to keep their eyes on Midfielder Willbert Willis and Forwards Charlie Bowman and Dean Caliban. With such raw talent on the pitch, Nova Britannicus will hopefully be another AO-Force to be Reckoned with like their neighbours, Starblaydia.

Sarzonia - They are dependent on the not yet completed CoH

Somalialand... Calm the eff down with the headlines

You know what, yo clam the eff down, since you see to only post one liners, please dont waste space with your one liners may try something like nova brittanicus headlines

Insanician may or may not do well, okay or badly in the latest World Cup predicts sporting analyst

See above.

The Tribune Tribune
Serving Druid Tribune and the surrounding area

GOVERNMENT BID TO AID DRUIDAN LUCK
By Trefor Blackmore

The Druidan government, lead by Trevor Smith, have today announced plans to try to help their nations' football team to success. The plan will involve a huge chicken farming programme and encouraging people to name their children Margaret.

When asked how the crazy plan was to work, President Smith told the gathered press the following.

"Our plans are based upon a story we heard from Snub Nose 38 that involves a mysterious woman known only as 'Margaret' sacrificing chickens in order to aid the Hooligans' cause. Obviously, we don't know if the tales are true - the government always deny it, saying something about something no happening or something like that. Anyway, whether this 'Margaret' figure is real or not, we feel that it is our duty to help our footballers the best we can. To do so, the following items have been put forward to the Druidan House of Representatives for them to either pass or throw out.

1) People will be encouraged to name their children, either male or female, Margaret. Those who go will receive a 10,000 cwul bonus from the Druidan government.

2) The same goes for any people who wish to change their name to Margaret to help the cause. Babies, generally, take time to grow up. It's a bit hard to sacrifice chickens when you're a baby, so to encourage the programme straight away, we will offer 10,000 cwuls to any person willing to officially change their name to Margaret. In fact if the bill is passed, I will be the first to do so.

3) There's no point in having lots of Margarets without having lots of chickens for them to sacrifice. That's why we will actively encourage the mass farming of chickens in a government operated scheme, which will then lead us to donating these chickens under the guarantee that they will be sacrificed.

Now, obviously there is no guarantee whatsoever that this crazy plan will be a success, but we're willing to try anything, hence the extreme measures we're taking. But if this scheme works, then expect the scheme to become more widespread. Thank you."

Rumours are that the Druida football squad, the rainbows, are not too happy with the idea. Manager Trevor Kallins told us, "Surely you don't believe that football results are random? It's all down to hard work on the pitch and on the training field. I mean, who did you say they sacrifice these chickens to?... The random number gods??? But I thought Druida was an atheist country? Ah, I'm sure they'll come to their senses in the end."

However, when asked if this meant that the rainbows would deliberately underperform just to undermine the plans, Kallins blasted, "Don't be stupid, we'll be doing our best for Druida. All the luck evens itself out in the end."

CD: Crazy Dave
DI: Drunk idiots
BI: Big idiot

CD: This is Crazy Dave on duty for the World Cup XVIII. I'm out of the box and in the crowds to talk to some soccer fans.

DI: Mate, wooooooo.. go Bedistan! go Vilita! go Gaymestan! go Druids! go Stars (and on and on)

CD: As you see, many idiots from many nations. Now, did some say Gaymestan?

DI: This guy did! (Drags him into the camera view)

CD: Where's Gaymestan, my friend.

BI: I just made it up ... (has trouble standing)

CD: OK, who do you support?

BI: No one. Soccer is for wankers, go US football.

CD: Well, why are you here? Girls and cheap booze?

BI: Yeah! Say those guys going be beat me up?

CD: I'd say so (idiot get dragged away and beaten up). Well, soccer rules here and there's no room for non-soccer idiots. Crazy Dave signing off.

Insanician may or may not do well, okay or badly in the latest World Cup predicts sporting analystlol

...and...

The Tribune Tribune
Serving Druid Tribune and the surrounding area

GOVERNMENT BID TO AID DRUIDAN LUCK
By Trefor Blackmore

The Druidan government, lead by Trevor Smith, have today announced plans to try to help their nations' football team to success. The plan will involve a huge chicken farming programme and encouraging people to name their children Margaret.

(followed by some very funny stuff, go up the page and read it)lol some more

(size reduced in both quotes by snub nose 38 reporters)

Legalese Times
Groundbreaking for Legalese National Stadium celebrated; LAFC announces plans for more new pitches

Francis Town, Legalese

Legalites celebrated as the Legalese Association Football Confederation started the renovation of Titan Field, which will now become Legalese National Stadium. Titan Field was formerly the home to the Francis Town Titans of the defunct-Legalese Baseball League, as well as to amateur club Titan F.C. The LAFC came to an agreement with the club to take control of the stadium, where Titan F.C. will host major matches from Legalese National, while making their home at Francis Town Terrace.

On hand to witness the ceremonies were Men’s National Team manager Robbie Heard, as well as the Executive Board of the LAFC. Heard was very pleased at the ceremony, most likely because his team will have a pitch to call their own.

“This is a great day for soccer in Legalese” Heard commented. “We are on our way to a top-rate home pitch, which will prove useful when hosting our qualifiers over the next year.”

However, this was not the only big news of the day for Legalese. LAFC Executive Director Miguel Carnejalo announced the “master plan” set forward by the LAFC to build a series of soccer pitches throughout Legalese. These include the Castle, a retractable-roof stadium currently being built in Legalese City for the football Lancers. This has led this reporter to speculate on the possibility that Legalese may attempt a hosting bid sometime soon, a matter which Carnejalo would not comment on.

“All I can say is that Legalese is ready for the soccer revolution.”

Ed. Note: Pictures were not available at press time, but an artist's rendition of Legalese National will be available soon.

*a moment of quiet in the hustle and bustle of preparing for world cup xviii qualifiers. ben and eileen dover, beverly, justin case, jack cass, the minister of athletics, olympics, and alcoholic beverages, and someone we know only as "margaret" are taking a short break in the ministry "offices". the "offices" look a good deal like army surplus tents, and bedraggled ones at that. mind you, no one's complaining. it's better than the open camp site out in the great alkali desert that had been the ministries office space until recently. the minister looks thoughtful (a difficult task for him, and therefore not often attempted). after a moment, he speaks.*

- So, then, where will we play the matches?
- GACK!
- Where, exactly, is "Gack", Margaret?
- Omigod!
- Omigod? I was unaware of a province by the name of "Omigod".
- Shut up, bonehead. Ben - Eileen - Justin...we need a stadium.
- What about...isn't there a stadium in Longbow?
- No Ben. There was, but The Guy Currently In Charge Of Stuff For The Frost Free Borderlands Of Snub Nose 38 had that burned down when he had "38 Special" Stadium...eradicated.
- Isn't there a stadium in Winchester?
- Not any more, Eileen.
- TGCICOSFTFFBOSN38 again?
- Yup.
- Well, we had a small stadium when I was in college.
- Where, Justin? Where?
- Western Allegoric Social Sciences and Agricultural college.
- Where's that?
- It's part of Minthinberg Applied Teaching, Technology, and Arts University.

(wait for it...wait for it...)

- Oh. You mean...

WASSA MATTA U !

(apologies to rocket j. squirrel, bullwinkle moose, and co.)

- Yup.
- Well, I guess we can play our qualifying matches there. Ben, get in touch with the University Administration and make the necessary arrangements. Maybe, if the Hooligans do well, we can get TGCICOSFTFFBOSN38 to foot the bill for a new national stadium.

*and we depart. quickly. before you can start throwing those vegetables you're gathering up. really - you should hang on to those until the hooligan cheerleaders make their appearance, dontcha think?*

FS: We're outside the hotel that the Maserrat team are staying in. It looks like a classy joint - very expensive, too. I wonder who's paying for it, eh, Bill?

Bill (off camera): Mmmh.

FS: (slight pause) What's the matter with you? Are you hungry again already! We only ate a couple of hours ago! You're so greedy, Bill! Now, word has it that the Maserrat team are on the 32nd floor of the hotel, so it's just a case of swanning in, riding the elevator to floor 32 and getting some interviews. Let's go, Bill!

*Schmitt attempts to enter the hotel, but is stopped by a security guard*

Guard: And you are?

FS: Oh, I'm Frejdriych Schmitt and this is my cameraman, Bill. Say hello, Bill.

Bill (off camera): Hi.

FS: We're doing a documentary on the Maserrat team for MSTV. We just want to get a few exclusive interviews with some of the players. So if you don't mind...

Guard: Sorry, I can't let you in. You need a security pass. Have you got one?

FS: Er...well, not exactly, but I'm sure we can come to some arrangement, can't we?

Guard: If you haven't got a pass, you ain't getting in.

FS: Oh, come on! This is television, and I can get you on there if you just let me past.

Guard: What kind of schmoe to you take me for?

FS: The easily-bribed kind, hopefully.

Guard: Beat it!

FS: Ugh, that's so unfair...fine, we're going! Come on, Bill, I'll buy you a milkshake.

Bill (off camera): I don't like milkshakes!

FS: Does it look like I care? Get over here, Bill! Get me that grappling gun from your bag - there's more than one way to get to the 32nd floor...

Somalialand and the citizens Glimpse hope on the Federation's chances, First Game planned and Ready

Director: Micheal mihla
Producer: Mohamed hamse
Cameraman:Juun Jack

[Slowly the camers Start]
[Infront of the T.V,]

Hi, Iam Jim makulu

It was the biggest Showing off in the capital todat after players paraded with over 300,000 spectators lining up in the streets, "We are happy and we will win" yelled a gorup of spectators on the side of the Gassim Road Street
On the channel 28 where the SC(Sports channel) hosted its firsy ever Sportcenter said that Somalialand had more chance than any time in thge history of the SFF to go and finish a seccesful Team

Coach Mohmed furer said on live press confrence yeasterday that we shall be seen as a compatitors to the national teams of other seccesful nations,

"He said this in a convincing and a worry free state" said one sport Analyst in Sports center," I mean who says they will not go to the Semis" and "who says that this Somalialand team we know will not succed in this tournement" he added.

The Coaches from all over somalia held a Forst game party for the Coach, saying that the coach deserved it after making the team so rejuvinated.

This feeling was not exclusive to sports Analst and coaches from arund Somalialand, Regular citizens, Sports fans and almost all Somalis feel that Somalialand will go far and they will properly succed in becoming #1 in their devision, But Immediately after finishing the comment he added "If they try hard enough"

[Looking at the camera]
Jim makulu
SBS Nighlty news
Reporting from outside the Mogidishu State Stadium

Man Killed By Falling Headline
New larger lettering a real danger to public health, say experts.

SOMALIALAND - Today a most tragic event befell a Mr. James Jack of Somalialand, when, unexpectedly, a large headline fell on his head at great speed, due to which he was killed.

The headline was being transported from one newspaper office to a printing mill by helicopter when a shoddily prepared harness snapped, which loosed the large headline to allow it to fall to earth, where Mr. Jack unfortunately received a blow to the head which snapped his neck, killing him instantly. Some people are asking why on earth the headline was transported by helicopter, but the newspaper, which wishes not to be named, claims that it transports all of its' headlines as such. The headline, which has declined to comment, but is believed to be either a 24-point or a 20-point Times New Roman (the identity is, therefore, disputed) has since disappeared, and many people think it is under police protection or has gone into hiding to prevent reprisals against it.

"This is a most unfortunate event," said a spokesperson for the newspaper, "but this is a very isolated event. No headline will be falling on anyone else, and the most strenuous checks are being made to make sure that this does not happen again."

But George Canning, an expert in Headline Construction and Transport, claims different. "This could all have been avoided." says Canning. "If it had been only a 8-point, or even a 10-point headline, when it had fallen on Mr. Jack, he would have only received a mild concussion. In fact, it might have been the relative weight of the headline that caused the harness to snap, and so Mr. Jack may have been excused any discomfort whatsoever. Which s also the case since smaller headlines are far easier to transport by road, making fatalities by these much lower, almost non-existent."

"The fact remains that the odds of being hit by a falling headline have increased in the past 5 years from 10,000 to 1 to just 32,123 to 1, whilst fatalities have gone up by 733%. This is a worrying trend, one which is only excacerbated by the increasing size of headlines. if this continues, we may see headline death overtake car accidents and alcohol as causes of death."

pissed

Sirx stateless

In surprising news, Sirx lost his Abysmali citizenship two weeks ago. Unfortunately, the AbysmalPost took too long to deliver the letter stating so (three months according to the post stamp) so even the possibility of a repeal does not exist anymore. The explanation for this surprising move was: "That Sirx is a disgrace to any Abysmali. The fact that he took Liverpool England to a series of non-losses-and-also-non-draws-but-the-match-took-place seeriously damaged the reputation of the country, maybe irrepairibly. [The Abysmal government] has to react firmly to show that this person has nothing to do with Abysmal principles, Abysmal values or the country itself."

Since qualification is about to start, this will pose a serious problem since most countries will not allow a stateless person to visit legally. Liverpool England team manager Ha~e Hangila commented on the issue but not in a way possible to be quoted.

Man Killed By Falling Headline
New larger lettering a real danger to public health, say experts.

SOMALIALAND - Today a most tragic event befell a Mr. James Jack of Somalialand, when, unexpectedly, a large headline fell on his head at great speed, due to which he was killed.

The headline was being transported from one newspaper office to a printing mill by helicopter when a shoddily prepared harness snapped, which loosed the large headline to allow it to fall to earth, where Mr. Jack unfortunately received a blow to the head which snapped his neck, killing him instantly. Some people are asking why on earth the headline was transported by helicopter, but the newspaper, which wishes not to be named, claims that it transports all of its' headlines as such. The headline, which has declined to comment, but is believed to be either a 24-point or a 20-point Times New Roman (the identity is, therefore, disputed) has since disappeared, and many people think it is under police protection or has gone into hiding to prevent reprisals against it.

"This is a most unfortunate event," said a spokesperson for the newspaper, "but this is a very isolated event. No headline will be falling on anyone else, and the most strenuous checks are being made to make sure that this does not happen again."

But George Canning, an expert in Headline Construction and Transport, claims different. "This could all have been avoided." says Canning. "If it had been only a 8-point, or even a 10-point headline, when it had fallen on Mr. Jack, he would have only received a mild concussion. In fact, it might have been the relative weight of the headline that caused the harness to snap, and so Mr. Jack may have been excused any discomfort whatsoever. Which s also the case since smaller headlines are far easier to transport by road, making fatalities by these much lower, almost non-existent."

"The fact remains that the odds of being hit by a falling headline have increased in the past 5 years from 10,000 to 1 to just 32,123 to 1, whilst fatalities have gone up by 733%. This is a worrying trend, one which is only excacerbated by the increasing size of headlines. if this continues, we may see headline death overtake car accidents and alcohol as causes of death."


:) :) O was trying to Piss off vilita, I will try 8 or 10 next time



to vilita: :D :D :D

[OOC: Can we calm down a bit with all the OOC banter? Nearly half of the last 20 or so posts have been completely OOC. There's a reason why it's called the "RP" thread. OOC banter should go in the World Cup discussion thread.

And yes, I do realize I'm being a hypocrite. But let's try to minimize this in the future, mmmkay?]

Final OOC:

vilita stop your One liners

The Eagle's Nest Team Unprepared for Cup.

TEN FA Not Notified of Official Start Date; Roster Undecided at This Time

In a wierd fluke of bad luck, the letter informing the Eagle's Nest as to the start of World Cup Play has been lost in nternational parcel mail. However, a fan's inquiry as to the roster for this team spurned the FA into hosting tryouts and final friendly scrimmages as quickly as possible to be ready for the cup.

"well, we kinda blew this one" FA head Talio Aefnen said, "However we are certain that with most of our line up from last year still wanting to play, that our team will be better. We just need to find more offense to get back to the ways of old, not like last cup. "

Last cup, the Strike Birds was only able to score 4 goals one time, while many other teams scores 7 or higher. The lack of offense have some pundits worried about the Nest's chances, and will be watching the first few matches carefully to see how the offense for the nest this time around will be.

The lack of the Nest to get any semblance of a decent U21 team has many also worried as there are no young superstars coming up to help the national team, which is beginning to show it's age.

Finally, the World Rankings have not been released, but TEN expects to fall from their 3rd rank at last cup, due to their lackluster Ro16 loss. Hopefully they won't fall too far. But we only have to wait on the rankings to be released.

Stay tuned for more updates as more information arises about the roster and the group placement for this World Cup.

No, Somalialand, you stop it. Vil's a very distinguished member of the WC, and a WCC member. Not a good idea to criticise ex-hosts. Also, I don't believe you have the right to even try to criticise Vil, if you dont like it get the eff out of the Cup. [/rant]

I hardly ever defend someone like Vilita (no offense), but when I do I have a good reason.

Sirx Takes Up Chacorian Citizenship; Liverpool England will offer Citizenship in the finals

Sirx has had his Abysmali citizenship terminated by Abysmalistan. Therefore, the new Liverpool England national, a citizen of Liverpool England's feeder territory Chacor, was originally set to miss out on away games. This will no longer be a problem. Liverpool England has reportedly offered the host FAs more than twice what it offered the Vilitan FA in WC17.

Björn-Trevor Frederiksson: "Hello, this is Björn-Trevor Frederiksson on CBN, again, here as well is Amos Hinton, the Druids defensive coach. Amos, you've heard the stories about the so-called "Margaretisation" in our neighbour Druida, do you believe such an idea would work here?"

Amos Hinton: "No, no, don't be so ridiculous."

Björn-Trevor Frederiksson: "So you're saying it's all a bit stupid?"

Amos Hinton: "No, I'm not saying that at all. It is a clever idea, but what I said was it wouldn't work here."

Björn-Trevor Frederiksson: "Why not?"

Amos Hinton: "No, it wouldn't work here because we don't believe in random number gods and all that claptrap."

Björn-Trevor Frederiksson: "But neither does Druida?"

Amos Hinton: "No, no, I think you'll find that you're wrong there, Björn. Druida believe in all kinds of weird and wonderful gods."

Björn-Trevor Frederiksson: "I think you are mistaken there, Amos. Druida is an atheist country like we are."

Amos Hinton: "No, they're not, they're all agnostics and don't know what to think."

Björn-Trevor Frederiksson: "The way you're going on, I don't know what to think!"

Amos Hinton: "No, that just isn't true. You know what to think and you know that you know what to think."

Björn-Trevor Frederiksson: "Er... I think I'm beginning to... Amos Hinton, thank you. Now back to the studio."

Amos Hinton: "No, you're not going back to the studio, you're swithching to a report on the All-Druidish Naturist Lawn Bowls Championships."

Björn-Trevor Frederiksson: "Er... quite..."

The Tribune Tribune
Serving Druid Tribune and the surrounding area

"MARGARETISATION" PROGRAMME PASSED
By Trefor Blackmore

The Druidan government yesterday passed legislation that encouraged both chicken farming and the increase in the number of Margarets (as opposed to Trefors) in Druida.

One of the first people to take advantage of the new laws, as an example to set to the people, was President Trevor (or should we say, Margaret) Smith. "This is great news. Hopefully, our plan will be a great success."

As the plans have been proposed for a while, now, the government are prepared well, and twenty-two chicken farms are to open across Druida today alone, with more to come in the coming months and years. There are also expected to be about five centres across the country opened for people to go and change their name to Margaret if they so desire, again with more expected in the near future.

Meanwhile, the government are now preparing new laws to regulate the import of OOCs into the country. President Smith commented, "The number of OOCs coming into the country in recent times has been ridiculous, especially as many have come through the wrong channels. The law would mean that any future OOCs that might well be viewed by the Druidan people should come in through legitimate means via a registered company on what we will be calling the 'Discussion Thread' register."

Apologies...

World Cup 4
Qualifying
W4-2 Enelando
L1-2 Alhana Catherine
W3-2 Dyelibeybi
L1-2 Lemmitania
W3-1 Divine Llama
L0-1 Lunatic Goofballs

Finals
D3-3 Kingsford
W2-1 Jurrasica
D1-1 Europa Brittania
D1-1 Lemmitania (D1-1AET L2-3PEN)

P W D L F A
10 4 2 4 19 16

World Cup 5
Qualifiers
L0-4 Squornshelous
L0-3 One Red Dot
L0-1 Hendland
W4-0 Halfassedstates
W3-2 Caras Sidh
W2-1 Dark Outcasts
D1-1 Christofi
L1-2 Moyk

P W D L F A
8 3 1 4 11 14

World Cup 6
Qualifying
W2-0 Great White Sharks
D3-3 _AMP
W4-3 Porvoo
W4-1 Jay Cutter
W3-2 Cobra Cult
W6-0 Iuthia
D1-1 Starving Children
W2-1 Great White Sharks
D1-1 _AMP
W1-0 Porvoo
L2-3 Jay Cutter
D1-1 Cobra Cult
W2-0 Iuthia
L2-3 Starving Children

Finals
L0-3 Spaam
D1-1 Lemmitania
W2-1 Cobra Cult

P W D L F A
17 9 5 3 37 24

World Cup VII
Finals
L3-4 Malundar
W3-1 Liverpool England
W1-0 Kingsford
L2-4 Errinundera (AET)

P W D L F A
4 2 0 2 9 9

World Cup VIII
Qualifiers
W4-0 Sycoes
L1-2 Black Eagle Corps.
W2-1 Voyger
W2-0 Demonic Beings
D1-1 Quohog
D1-1 Sycoes
D0-0 Black Eagle Corps
D2-2 Voyger
D0-0 Demonic Beings
D1-1 Quohog

Finals
L1-2 Halfassedstates
L2-3 The Belmore Family
W3-1 Bullonien

P W D L F A
13 4 6 3 20 14

World Cup IX
Qualifiers
W2-0 Clearwater
L0-2 Lanky Dude
D1-1 Sensual Products
L0-1 East Spaam
D0-0 Timway
L0-1 Aquilla
W2-0 Spaam
W3-1 Clearwater
W3-1 Lanky Dude
W1-0 Sensual Products
W2-0 East Spaam
W3-2 Timway
D0-0 Aquilla
L0-1 Spaam

Finals
L1-2 The Belmore Family
D1-1 Oglethorpia
W1-0 Nikea

P W D L F A
17 8 4 5 20 13

World Cup 10
Qualifiers
W2-1 Svecia
W3-0 Dauragons
L1-2 Zinkoland
W3-0 Citta Acqua
L1-2 Dragonian Empire
W2-0 Davii
L0-1 Clearwater
W3-1 Ravenspire
W1-0 Svecia
W3-0 Dauragons
L2-3 Zinkoland
W2-0 Citta Acqua
W2-1 Dragonian Empire
W3-1 Davii
L0-1 Clearwater
D1-1 Ravenspire

Finals
L1-2 Lemmitania
W1-0 Total 'n Utter Insanity
W3-0 Commerce Heights
L0-1 Kingsford

P W D L F A
20 12 1 7 34 17

World Cup 11
Qualifiers
D0-0 Oddslavo
W1-0 Mattigool
W3-0 Lynnwoode
W2-0 Artemsia Absentia
W2-0 Ice Reavers
L0-2 Aquilla
W2-0 Big Butts
D0-0 Oddslavo
W4-1 Mattigool
W2-1 Lynnwoode
W2-0 Artemsia Absentia
W4-0 Ice Reavers
D1-1 Aquilla
D1-1 Big Butts

Finals
W1-0 Total n Utter Insanity
W3-2 Runaway Moose
W1-0 Kerla
L0-1 Europa Brittania

P W D L F A
18 12 4 2 29 9

World Cup XII
Qualifying
W2-1 EL CID THE HERO
D1-1 Iansisle
W4-0 Abysmalistan
L0-1 East Spaam
W4-2 James A Hollar
L1-2 Eaglet
W5-2 Gaddland
D2-2 EL CID THE HERO
W1-0 Iansisle
W2-0 Abysmalistan
L1-2 East Spaam
W1-0 James A Hollar
D0-0 Eaglet
D2-2 Gaddland

Finals
W2-1 NASTIC 2
L0-3 Oglethorpia
W3-1 Gesamkuntswerk
W2-1 Europa Brittania
W5-4 Squornshelous
W4-3 Commerce Heights
L1-1 Rejistania (1-1 AET, 2-3 on penalties)

P W D L F A
21 12 4 5 43 30

World Cup 13
Qualifiers
W2-0 Magnus Valerius
W2-0 Avenging Altos
W1-0 Free Radicals of Mu-Mu
L0-2 NEWI Cefn Druids
W4-0 Fahigland
L1-3 Bedistan
W2-0 Iansisle
W2-0 Dennisov
W3-0 Resistencia
W4-0 Magnus Valerius
W1-0 Avenging Altos
W1-0 Free Radicals of Mu-Mu
W4-1 NEWI Cefn Druids
D0-0 Fahigland
W1-0 Bedistan
D0-0 Iansisle
W1-0 Dennisov
W3-0 Resistencia

Finals
W2-0 Kerla
D1-1 Liverpool England
D0-0 Sliponia
L1-2 Spaam

P W D L F A
22 14 5 3 36 9

World Cup 14
Qualifying
W2-0 New Luca
D1-1 The Eagles Nest
L0-3 Total n Utter Insanity
D2-2 East Spaam
W2-1 Grand Master Mark
W3-1 New Montreal States
W1-0 Presgreif
W1-0 Larkinia
W2-0 Kendelstand

W3-1 New Luca
L0-2 The Eagles Nest
W2-1 Total 'n Utter Insanity
D1-1 East Spaam
W2-1 Grand Master Mark
W2-0 New Montreal States
W4-2 Presgrief
W2-1 Larkinia
W2-1 Kendelstand

Finals
W2-0 Kerla
L0-3 Brazillico
W1-0 Kaze Progressa
L0-1 Eauz

P W D L F A
22 15 3 4 35 22

World Cup 15
Qualifiers
W1-0 Isles of Wohlstand
L0-1 Commerce Heights
L0-1 Jerusalem
W1-0 Creedence Clearwater
W3-0 Raptor Claw
W3-0 Ineptia
W3-0 Kipto Mare
W3-0 Boscioto
W2-0 Sportonia

W1-0 Isles of Wohlstand
D1-1 Commerce Heights
W2-0 Jerusalem
W4-1 Creedence Clearwater
W2-1 Raptor Claw
W3-1 Ineptia
W2-0 Kipto Mare
W1-0 Boscioto
W2-0 Sportonia

Finals
D2-2 Kingsford
L0-2 Lovisa
W2-1 Aquilla

P W D L F A
21 16 2 3 38 11

World Cup 16
Qualifiers
W6-0 Adrasuvare
W3-2 Vilita
W2-1 Raptor Claw
W3-1 Redavic Union
D2-2 Hazlia
W4-1 Adrasuvare
W2-0 Vilita
D3-3 Raptor Claw
W1-0 The Redavic Union
W4-0 Hazlia

Finals
W3-0 Iansisle
D3-3 Oaker
D2-2 Kingsford
L0-2 Rejistania

P W D L F A
14 9 4 1 38 17

World Cup 17
Qualifiers
W3-0 Magnus Valerius
L0-1 Ebon Hawk
W3-2 Isles Of Wohlstand
W3-1 Big Pimento
L1-4 Squornshelous
W5-2 Cockbill Street
D0-0 The Weegies
W2-0 Magnus Valerius
W3-0 Ebon Hawk
W1-0 Isles of Wohlstand
D3-3 Big Pimento
D0-0 Squornshelous
D1-1 Cockbill Street
W3-1 The Weegies
W2-1 Halfassedstates

Finals
W2-1 Starblaydia
W5-4 NEWI Cefn Druids
W3-2 The Lowland Clans
D1-1 Aquiliana (L1-2 AET)

P W D L F A
19 12 4 3 41 25

World Cup 18
Qualifiers
W4-1 Vollmeria
W2-0 Tadjikistan
W3-0 Avenging Altos
L1-2 Druida
W3-0 Cockbill Street
W2-0 Oaker
W5-0 Kipto Mare
W4-0 Vollmeria
W3-0 Tadjikistan
W1-0 Avenging Altos
W4-0 Druida
D1-1 Cockbill Street
W3-1 Oaker
W3-0 Kipto Mare

Finals
W2-1 Tadjikistan
W2-1 Aquilliana
D0-0 Commerce Heights
W1-0 Snub Nose 38
L0-3 Kaze Progressa

P W D L F A
19 15 2 2 45 10

P W D L F A
245 147 47 51 444 203

Ranks/Achievements in each world cup:
World Cup 1 - N/A
World Cup 2 - N/A
World Cup 3 - N/A
World Cup 4 - 100, Second Round
World Cup 5 - 011, Didn't Qualify
World Cup 6 - 040, First Round
World Cup 7 - 020, Second Round
World Cup 8 - 013, First Round
World Cup 9 - 018, First Round
World Cup 10- 018, Second Round
World Cup 11- 011, Second Round
World Cup 12- 004, Runner-Up
World Cup 13- 002, Second Round
World Cup 14- 006, Second Round
World Cup 15- 005, First Round
World Cup 16- 009, Second Round,
World Cup 17- 006, Second Round
World Cup 18- 006, Quarter Final

Here is the...

WC18 :: Discussion Thread (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showthread.php?p=7289087)

Scuttlebutt - Special Edition

Which Came First, The Margaret or The Egg?
Sten Remington Grey

The Druidia Tribune Tribune ran an article today announcing the passage of the Druidian "Margaretisation Programme". The article, by Trefor (Margaret?) Blackmore, reported on a two pronged program adopted by the Druidian government to improve the luck of their national football side. On one front Druidians are being encouraged to name their babies "Margaret", change their own names to "Margaret" - or both. The government is preparing to open five national name changing stations throughout the country - and to issue a stipend for every new "Margaret" created. On the second front the government is assisting with the accelerated opening of some 22 chicken farms across the nation.

In reflecting on the Druidian plan, we couldn't help but thinking of the age old question, "Which came first - the Margaret or the egg?" As usual, the question remained unanswered (note: during an interview conducted for this article, Margaret insisted she came first. However, she could offer no substantial evidence to support this claim, other than to inform this reporter that if he did not include her claim in this article, he could expect a rather long run of bad luck. Hence this parenthetical remark) - but led us to thinking about another age old question, "Why did the Margaret cross the road?"

The only answer we could come up with that fits with the Druidian situation is, "What Margaret? His name is Trefor."

This led us to thinking (painful as it was)...

Why did the laundress cross the road? To get to the other tide.
Why did the children cross the road? To get to the other slide.
Why did the lion cross the road? To get to the other pride.
Why did the safari cross the road? To get to the other guide.
Why did the ocean cross the road? To get to the other tide.
Why did the footballer cross the road? To get to the other "side".
Why did the taxidermist cross the road? To get to the other hide.

(enough pain? ok.)

While we understand the idea behind the 22 government supported chicken farms - what would be the use of so many Margarets unless they're properly armed with chickens? - we find it rather odd that the Druidian government would be willing to pay stipends to acquire multiple Margarets. The huge success of the Hooligans as propelled forward by someone known only as Margaret? (one must read that last sentence with sarcasm dripping from each letter.) Ha!

Unless, of course, Druidia has some plan to acquire an ample supply of little leather pouches, eagle feathers, and silver string to tie the eagle feathers to the leather pouches.

And some way to find out what, exactly, is in that famous little pouch - and duplicate it "en mass".

Then, of course, they would have to mass manufacture burgundy robes (being extremely careful of the exact shade), and midnight blue hooded capes.

Rubber chickens (for emergencies).

Candles.

Braziers.

Stone Altars.

And hopelessly inadequate ministers to serve as sidekicks and comic relief.

*** ASPN Emergency Broadcast System ***

We interupt our irregularly scheduled programming for this emergency broadcast

Good evening. The Legislature of the Frost Free Borderlands of Snub Nose 38, in emergency session today at the request of The Guy Currently In Charge Of Stuff For The Frost Free Borderlands Of Snub Nose 38, enacted a law prohibiting the import of any OCC, large or small, through unofficial channels/means/or mental telepathy. There was a last minute amendment, that passed with the original draft of the statute, making exception for emergency situations.

During the same session Headline Lettering in excess of a size defined only as "8" was banned throughout The Frost Free Borderlands of Snub Nose 38. A recent article from The Weegies ("Man Killed by Falling Headline") reporting the death of a Mr. James Jack (of Somalialand), caused by over-sized headline lettering falling on him as it was being air-lifted to the print shop, was cited as the initiative behind this legislation. It seems that lettering over a certain size is difficult, if not impossible, to transport over highways or railways, and must be air-lifted. In this instance, faulty harnessing was cited as the probable cause.

We now return you to your irregularly scheduled program, which may or may not be in progress - depending on the state of our equipment (Hey! And yours - don't get so smug about it.)

*** This has been an ASPN Emergency Broadcast ***

Somalialand Smiles After a Hard-Earned Spot


Director: Micheal mihla
Producer: Mohamed hamse
Cameraman:Juun Jack


It was an amazing night of Celebration and Somalialand and whole of africa stayed late, The SFF awards were yesterday and the Big Prize came with a complete surprise, The newly elected president of Somalialand presented the Award with complete shockon everybody's face, The prize went Ahmed gali, one of the best players on the International scene this days, Ahmed gali won the best player of the year award making him one of only two players wining the award twice in only five years

"Well, it was a quit a surprise to see the president handing me that big trophy and conguratilating me" said gali right after the awards, The SFF gave alot of awards, one of being the most credible Superstar whicj Went Qamayse who played incredibly in the BoF,

The federation and the president also thanked every player on the national team and said |"my god help you with the world cup and may you all come back with the trophy of the world" Said in an Ironic and Understandble way.


[Looking at the camera]
Jim makulu
SBS Nighlty news
Reprting from the GSC sports room In addis-abba, Somalialand

Reporter: Mr Lyku, what are your expectations for this world cup?

SyLy: Anything from doing a Ravea to winning it all!

Reporter: Doing a Ravea?

SyLy: being the worst team in the qualifiers.

Reporter: I know that, I am just shocked that you expect it.

SyLy: This is a new team with new players and a new coach, su?

Reporter: Mostly, yes.

SyLy: See? I can not predict anything and if I could, I wouldn't!

Reporter: Why?

SyLy: Well, look at Somalialand. They can either reach the Semis or recieve the anger of an entire nation. You see the dilemma?

Reporter: Yes... But you will not make the team do a Ravea to gain money in bets.

SyLy: Well, you just gave me an idea! (a pause where Reporter looks shocked) Hey, it was a joke! I would be killed by rejistani fans! Believe me, I do not want 2.3 billion enemies!

Reporter: good! (short pause) What is your impression about the high number of seleke players in the national team?

SyLy: We have a high number of players in the national team, who are from traditionally not good regions. To me this is an indication that the country becomes more homogenic.

Reporter: or that Nanti Simu worsened?

SyLy: There are many good nanti simu players, but they are not the only nanti with talented players anymore.

Reporter: Another question: How do you pronounce the seleke names?

SyLy: Sa, Sasi, Kvansa, Heta, Taxi.

Reporter: So you don't use the full name?

SyLy: I don't use it for other players too. Syly Kansu for example is SyKan.

Reporter: Because there is already a SyLy and a SyMji?

SyLy: Exactly!

Reporter: Thanks for answering. Good luck!

SyLy: Thanks!

SyLy:

*President Trefor (or is it Margaret?) Smith of Druida is in his special Presidential Office in Druid Tribune "entertaining" guests.*

President Smith: "...anyway, I told them, you can't do that, you've only got a goldfish!"

*For some unknown reason, the President and his guests find this pretty damn funny. I guess you had to be there... no, wait, we are here. Ah well, guess it must just be a refined sense of humour he has. Anyway, the laughter is broken when some unnamed 'helper' of President Margaret (or is it Trevor?) Smith rushes into the Presidential office unnanounced.*

Unnamed helper: "Sir, sir, there's problems with the Margaretisation programme!!!"

President Smith: "Don't be silly, what could possibly go wrong with it?"

Unnamed helper: "No, really! Look!"

*The unnamed helper throws a copy of 'Scuttlebutt' onto the President's desk.*

Scuttlebutt - Special Edition

Which Came First, The Margaret or The Egg?
Sten Remington Grey

*The President picks it up and reads it as his unnamed helper continues.*

"You haven't thought this through sir, you can't just go sacrificing chickens at random, it has to be done proberly!"

President Smith: "There there, stop worrying. We've got it all under control."

Unnamed helper: "You have?"

President Smith: "Heh, this Remington Grey is funny!"

Unnamed helper: "Er, yeah... but what do you mean, it's all under control?"

President Smith: "I mean that we, the government, have got everything, the Margaretisation programme, under control, meaning that..."

Unnamed helper: "Yes, yes, I know what you mean. What I mean is how have you got everything under control?"

President Smith: "Well, think about it. How can we afford to pay people to create Margarets?"

Unnamed helper: "Um... er..."

President Smith: "And how in the world are we going to afford all those chickens?"

Unnamed helper: "Er... through taxes?"

President Smith: "You might think. But then other aspects of the people's lives will deteriorate."

Unnamed helper: "So, how?"

President Smith: "Easy. We raise the funds by charging these new Margarets for all the rest of the stuff they need for sacrifical purposes."

Unnamed helper: "President, that isn't going to work. Surely the only people who will take up the offer are poor people looking for a quick injection of cash with no thought for why the programme is in place to begin with."

President Smith: "Well, there's sure to be a few of them. But think of all the football loving people across the country. There's thousands of them. If they want to see their side perform, then they'll snap all this stuff up no end."

Unnamed helper: "But what about the... the "stuff"... what's in the pouch."

President Smith: "Well, we'll just make something up."

Unnamed helper: "You can't just go round making something up, it'll never work!"

President Smith: "Yeah, but they don't know that. Just mix a bit of sand and glitter together, it'll be like golddust."

Unnamed helper: "Stop stealing jokes you've seen on TV."

President Smith: "Well you started it!"

Unnamed helper: "Did I?"

President Smith: "No, but I had you going for a second, didn't I?"

Unnamed helper (somewhat unenthusiastically): "Yes, you did, sir."

President Smith: "Anyway, the point is, no-one knows what's in the pouches. That's the whole point, if no-one knows what should be in there, then no-one knows that we've just made it up."

Unnamed helper: "It'll never work, sir."

President Smith: "No, what you can see on the surface will never work. But the way in which we can make a shedload of cash out of our people without them ever realising can't fail!"

Unnamed helper: "I still don't think it'll work like that, either."

President Smith: "Well, that's why I'm the President and you aren't even important enough to be given a name."

Unnamed helper: "Right, sir. Sorry to have troubled you, sir."

*...and with that, the unnamed helper leaves, slightly embarrassed by the whole situation. The President continues entertaining his guests.*

President Smith: "Now where were we... so, um, have you ever played golf with vegetables..."

World Cup XVIII Qualifying Groups

The draw took place in #sport this afternoon at 4:57 PM Eastern Daylight Time. The 80 participating non-host nations were separated into eight pots, the first of which contained the highest-ranked nations, the second the next-highest-ranked, and so on. One nation was drawn from each pot for each of the ten groups. Rankings used for the draw were the most recent available, including Cup of Harmony results through the quarterfinals.

==GROUP ONE==
Iansisle
Spaam
Crystilakere
Jeruselem
Slaikau
Smoking Pits
Wapahkoneta
New Dubai

==GROUP TWO==
NEWI Cefn Druids
Kingsford
Turori
The Belmore Family
Eystrck
Castillanos
Eskrador
Vorpal Bunnies

==GROUP THREE==
Audioslavia
Cockbill Street
Tadjikistan
Oaker
Avenging Altos
Kipto-Mare
Druida
Vollmeria

==GROUP FOUR==
The Eagles Nest
Kaze Progressa
Krytenia
Snub Nose 38
Spurland
Qia
Fmjphoenix
Ashibot

==GROUP FIVE==
Total n Utter Insanity
Dance 2 Revolution
Lemmitania
The Weegies
Magnus Valerius
Big Pimento
Myrulesia
Tippman

==GROUP SIX==
Vilita
The Lowland Clans
One Red Dot
Lykaia
Kylaai
Maserrat
Maldunia
Somalialand

==GROUP SEVEN==
Svecia
Squornshelous
Dennisov
Wella
Oddslavo
Artoonia
Finrods
Sarcodina

==GROUP EIGHT==
Rejistania
Commerce Heights
Lovisa
Sarzonia
Northbank
Liechtenistan
Spalatium
Legalese

==GROUP NINE==
Melmond
Raptor Claw
EL CID THE HERO
NASTIC 2
Esth
The Gulf States
Allsio
Arjastan

==GROUP TEN==
Liverpool England
Starblaydia
Aquiliana
Halfassedstates
The Evil Umpire
Nova Britannicus
The Latin Union
Sonova

Official rankings will be posted as soon as they are available (hopefully tomorrow, but it's starting to look like Saturday).

Stars hope 'Eight' is enough

After a disasterous and disappointing stretch before and during the Cup of Harmony, the Sarzonian national team has been drawn into Group 8 in qualifying for World Cup 18.

"Well, we're going to have to get used to the idea that we're not in Group 9," Interim Coach Dave Wilson joked. "We thought Group 9 was our permanent assignment." The Stars played in Group 9 in each of the previous World Cup qualifying tournaments, missing out on advancing to the finals by one match in each case.

"We haven't faced Rejistania in a senior game, but the [former Under 21] players have faced them twice," Wilson said. "We're going to have to look at the tapes to see what we need to do with their guys. We know about their number 7, though. We're going to have to call him, 'that guy.'"

Forward Brian Wilson, the new team captain and the son of Coach Wilson, said the team would benefit from the draw.

"We faced both Commerce Heights and Lovisa in our two previous World Cup qualifying campaigns, and we faced Lovisa in the Cup of Harmony, so we're familiar with both teams," Brian Wilson said.

"That hasn't helped us get wins against them, but we're going in with an idea of what to expect from them. We're going to have to gain the element of surprise against them to get three points from either team," Dave Wilson said.

"The only other team we've faced before in our group is Liechtenistan, whom we faced in the last World Cup qualifying tournament," midfielder Darwin Russell said. "They started playing better in the second half of that tournament so we'll have to raise our game to get results from them. We're going to study tapes of all the teams in our draw anyway."

The Stars enter the World Cup still smarting from their last place finish in the Cup of Harmony after a SARS epidemic moved the tournament from Sarzonia and the death of Coach Bryan Marshall in a car wreck.

"We've got a lot to overcome," goalkeeper Troy Perkins said. "The new season begins Saturday."

First Game Ready, The Qualyfying team happy in their Group
By Somalialand Press service

The coach to day has revealed to the World that the team has been placed on one of the best Groups they ever wished for, "Well the only hard challange we have is vilita and we will fight the vilitans and they team to death" said Hardcore spectator

We are not going to brag, the Only place we are going to show our force and our players high rankings is on the Football pitch, said Coach Mohamed Fuhrer,

"The first game I believe is away and the second is at Home, yes you have cleary heard me" said the coach, "We will be hosting the game here in Mogidishu" he added

The Sports analyst Yelled Glory and one of the tournements ever in Somalialand, The national stadium has been cleaned and has been taken care of, The seats are open to the maximum spectators and the game will seen in the glorious start to somalialand's career in the world cup

One Sports center spectator even said " We have challanged the best teams in the BoF and we have nearly made them fall to their knees"

The team is Headed in the right Direction and the only thing we need from our fans is to respect away teams as they respect us and we want to first welcome our competitors then beat them in the Footballpitch right here in our stadium

*********************************************

The SFF would like to requst who we are playing on our first match

The SFF would like to requst who we are playing on our first match

OOC: As the schedule in the first post of the thread indicates, the first team in each group plays the eighth team. Thus, Vilita v Somalialand (Vilita is at home).

Revenge for Militant Cats

The Tropics of Vilita were set alight Thursday Night following the group draw for the World Cup 18 Qualifying Stage in Bedistan. The draw was made by Bedistan Football Association President Johnny Lewis at the BFA headquarters in Amissville, Bedistan. Representing Co-Host Eauz at the ceremony was an unknown face, that of a teenager named Izsó Hargitai. Nobody really knew who he was or why he was there representing Eauz, but rumor is that he is actually a skilled footballer with experience playing the wings. He kept talking about how Hungry he was, but no one much listened as they were concentrated on the draw.

Then, there it was. The first of Vilita's opponents in Group Six of the World Cup Qualifiers. It was none other than The Lowlands Clans. Even Johnny Lewis knew he'd drawn a fascinating matchup, a rematch of the highly publicized Vilita-Lowlands Clans World Cup 13 Rivalry. World Cup 13 was the first for Vilita, with an outspoken Helmut Vilkaus leading a bunch of teenagers, such as Santo Kecker, Giacomo Adika, Enzo Ahat, Baron O'Toole and the then youth star Callum Banda into the International stage for the first time at the senior level. A war of words ensued, with Vilkaus confident of making an impression in his first match in charge against the Lowlands Clans. However, when Ninety Minutes had been played, the result was more what everyone would have expected, before the hype surrounding the match intesified. It was the first of 7 consecutive matches that the Jungle Cats would fail to find the back of the net, conceding 4 goals in their first ever World Cup Qualifying Defeat. The streak would finally end at the foot of young Callum Banda, who would go on to become the All-Time leading scorer for the Vilitan National Team, with 40 goals overall in Teal and Orange.

Tickets for the matches against the Lowlands Clans, surely to be held at The Shultis or Tivali Ring Stadium, were already nearing Capacity by the time the next team was drawn. As One Red Dot came out of the hat, the celebrations shifted accross the cove to a small Island off the North East Vilitan Coast. The natives of the Island Emirate of Turori, a former commonwealth of Vilita, rose at the way the group was shaping! Just like their inagural Qualifying Group! The Lowlands Clans and One Red Dot, the two teams that Turori battled to the very last day, stealing the Spotlight of Vilita fine World Cup Qualifying run, only to falter at the last hurdle, missing the finals by a single point.

The next two teams out of the hat confused the Vilitan people just a bit, as the two Nations were spelled exactly the same. Well. The L and the K were swapped, and the i shifted over a bit, but Lykaia and Kylaai, the surprise of the past and the surprise of the present came out of the hat. Lykaia were famous for their annhiliation of a certain qualifying group containing Liverpool England, that eventually led to Lykaia making the World Cup Finals, and Liverpool England withdrawing to miss their first finals in 11 Cups.

Then, it was the draw that all of Vilita knew would one day haunt them. It was Masserrat. Celebrations turned to conversation, and detailed planning, of just how to get them. Vilita has no organized Military, so quickly the phones all accross Atlantian Oceania began to ring. The Crystilakeri Province of Diamindokere answered, and a shipment of Tanks and Armored gear was on its way to Turoki Isle. One supporter was quoted as saying: "We're going to show these Fu*-ers whose boss, and we're going to make it count. They so much as breathe the wrong way, and theres gonna be a 22 inch diameter hole in their team bus." Nobody much cared about the next team that was drawn, Maldunia, and they continued planning for the visit of Maserrat.

Maserrat's visit quickly became a worry of the past when the 8th and final name was drawn. Somalialand. "Get General Diamond back on the line! Tanks! Planes! Helicopters! Get it all here. We ain't just Jungle Cats anymore, and we're not gonna just let this slide. We're playing this match in the Castle, and we're gonna storm it with pride! Get the gates ready boys, we've got one hell of an asskicking to deliver Saturday. Boy is it gonna be fun"



Mortana Lokana, one of the few Vilitans not completely overwhelmed by the draw, sat down and began working on his column for the morning paper. He wrote down each of the teams, and began scratching numbers on the side of the page. Then he put a big thick line through Maldunia, and a Number to the left of their name. It was 8. Some more scratching, then another line. It was Lykaia. and the number was 7. He then circled Maserrat and Somalialand, and put an X next to each of them. Then he went to the top, and put a box around Vilita and the Lowlands Clans. The remaining teams were One Red Dot and Kylaai. One final motion. Then pen approached One Red Dot. Then crossed it out. Kylaai got the 3.


He then began typing on his laptop.

Vilita
The Lowlands Clans
Kylaai
One Red Dot
Maserrat
Somalialand
Lykaia
Maldunia


He closed the laptop, and turned off the light.

Starblaydia Vs Nova Britannicus
Starblaydia 'have no fear' of any team in Group 10

To those who had been playing attention, we all knew what Group our teams were going to be in. For those who didn't tick off their 80-name list of teams, seeing Starblaydia and Nova Britannicus come out in the same group was something of a shock, though it produced some knowing nods from the two delegations.

"Of course, this is going to be a great occasion," said Head Coach Guylain N'Dumbu-Nsungu, "Playing our direct neighbours is doing to be the most passionate of Bekkside Derbys, though not as big as the International Community would make of a Starblaydia-NEWI Cefn Druids tie."

With A World-Cup Semi-Finalist, Two Quarter-Finalists and two Quarter-Finalists from the Baptism of Fire, one of whom placed third in that tournament, Group 10 is looking like a great group to watch in terms of skill and desire. Here is Group 10, once again, in full:

# Nation (Rank)
1. Liverpool England (12)
2. Starblaydia (21)
3. Aquiliana (27)
4. Halfassedstates (42)
5. The Evil Umpire (51)
6. Nova Britannicus (82)
7. The Latin Union (91)
8. Sonova (NR/125*)

*As a non-ranked team, Sonova is ranked Equal-125th with other NR teams.

Liverpool England should really be the class of this group, judging by their previous performances. They, on the other hand, have the dubious honour, like Starblaydia, of losing to Melmond in the Final Stages of World Cup 17. Atlantian Oceania-mates Aquiliana have astounded their peers, making the Final Eight in their very first World Cup Qualification, and will be looking to go Two-for-Two. Halfassedstates and The Evil Umpire will be fighting it out for fourth spot, ahead of Baptism-Of-Fire teams Nova Britannicus and their Quarter-Final whipping boys The Latin Union. Finally, Sonova should be the training match for the Seven Other teams, and should consider any points gained as victories in themselves.

We are not ones to predict individual Results, but we at the Jhanna Chronicle believe that Starblaydia, and perhaps even Aquiliana, can manage to upset the 'Group Favourite' Liverpool England, insisting they're there to be shot at.

"We certainly going to have a pop at them," said Star Striker Simeone Di Bradini, Captain for this Qualifcation process, "we've not played them before, and the two matches are certain to be top-notch."

We also spoke to young Jakkinho, the only person to have scored against the Aquiliana team, recently in the Group Stage of the 6th Under-21 World Cup.

"They're Four-Three-Three is certainly open to attack, as we proved in the Under-21s, we'll go out and give 'em hell."

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Revenge for Militant Cats

Vilita National Reports, Vilita
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-----------------------The Tropics of Vilita were set alight Thursday Night following the group draw for the World Cup 18 Qualifying Stage in Bedistan. The draw was made by Bedistan Football Association President Johnny Lewis at the BFA headquarters in Amissville, Bedistan. Representing Co-Host Eauz at the ceremony was an unknown face, that of a teenager named Izsó Hargitai. Nobody really knew who he was or why he was there representing Eauz, but rumor is that he is actually a skilled footballer with experience playing the wings. He kept talking about how Hungry he was, but no one much listened as they were concentrated on the draw.

-----------------------Then, there it was. The first of Vilita's opponents in Group Six of the World Cup Qualifiers. It was none other than The Lowlands Clans. Even Johnny Lewis knew he'd drawn a fascinating matchup, a rematch of the highly publicized Vilita-Lowlands Clans World Cup 13 Rivalry. World Cup 13 was the first for Vilita, with an outspoken Helmut Vilkaus leading a bunch of teenagers, such as Santo Kecker, Giacomo Adika, Enzo Ahat, Baron O'Toole and the then youth star Callum Banda into the International stage for the first time at the senior level. A war of words ensued, with Vilkaus confident of making an impression in his first match in charge against the Lowlands Clans. However, when Ninety Minutes had been played, the result was more what everyone would have expected, before the hype surrounding the match intesified. It was the first of 7 consecutive matches that the Jungle Cats would fail to find the back of the net, conceding 4 goals in their first ever World Cup Qualifying Defeat. The streak would finally end at the foot of young Callum Banda, who would go on to become the All-Time leading scorer for the Vilitan National Team, with 40 goals overall in Teal and Orange.

-----------------------Tickets for the matches against the Lowlands Clans, surely to be held at The Shultis or Tivali Ring Stadium, were already nearing Capacity by the time the next team was drawn. As One Red Dot came out of the hat, the celebrations shifted accross the cove to a small Island off the North East Vilitan Coast. The natives of the Island Emirate of Turori, a former commonwealth of Vilita, rose at the way the group was shaping! Just like their inagural Qualifying Group! The Lowlands Clans and One Red Dot, the two teams that Turori battled to the very last day, stealing the Spotlight of Vilita fine World Cup Qualifying run, only to falter at the last hurdle, missing the finals by a single point.

-----------------------The next two teams out of the hat confused the Vilitan people just a bit, as the two Nations were spelled exactly the same. Well. The L and the K were swapped, and the i shifted over a bit, but Lykaia and Kylaai, the surprise of the past and the surprise of the present came out of the hat. Lykaia were famous for their annhiliation of a certain qualifying group containing Liverpool England, that eventually led to Lykaia making the World Cup Finals, and Liverpool England withdrawing to miss their first finals in 11 Cups.

-----------------------Then, it was the draw that all of Vilita knew would one day haunt them. It was Masserrat. Celebrations turned to conversation, and detailed planning, of just how to get them. Vilita has no organized Military, so quickly the phones all accross Atlantian Oceania began to ring. The Crystilakeri Province of Diamindokere answered, and a shipment of Tanks and Armored gear was on its way to Turoki Isle. One supporter was quoted as saying: "We're going to show these Fu*-ers whose boss, and we're going to make it count. They so much as breathe the wrong way, and theres gonna be a 22 inch diameter hole in their team bus." Nobody much cared about the next team that was drawn, Maldunia, and they continued planning for the visit of Maserrat.

-----------------------Maserrat's visit quickly became a worry of the past when the 8th and final name was drawn. Somalialand. "Get General Diamond back on the line! Tanks! Planes! Helicopters! Get it all here. We ain't just Jungle Cats anymore, and we're not gonna just let this slide. We're playing this match in the Castle, and we're gonna storm it with pride! Get the gates ready boys, we've got one hell of an asskicking to deliver Saturday. Boy is it gonna be fun."



-----------------------Mortana Lokana, one of the few Vilitans not completely overwhelmed by the draw, sat down and began working on his column for the morning paper. He wrote down each of the teams, and began scratching numbers on the side of the page. Then he put a big thick line through Maldunia, and a Number to the left of their name. It was 8. Some more scratching, then another line. It was Lykaia. and the number was 7. He then circled Maserrat and Somalialand, and put an X next to each of them. Then he went to the top, and put a box around Vilita and the Lowlands Clans. The remaining teams were One Red Dot and Kylaai. One final motion. Then pen approached One Red Dot. Then crossed it out. Kylaai got the 3.


He then began typing on his laptop.


Vilita
The Lowlands Clans
Kylaai
One Red Dot
Maserrat
Somalialand
Lykaia
Maldunia


He closed the laptop, and turned off the light.

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Vilita Online (http://vilita.3wide.com) -- 3wide Designs (http://www.3wide.com) -- Atlantian Oceania (http://aoforums.3wide.com)

World Cup 18 Draws Announced
Falcons drawn into Group 10

EDITOR'S NOTE: Due to a faulty connection, most of this article was lost. Only the following remains:

This reporter predicts:

*1. Liverpool England
*2. Starblaydia
*3. Aquiliana
4. Halfassedstates
5. Nova Brittanicus
6. The Evil Umpire
7. The Latin Union
8. Sonova

The Gambling Odds in Aquiliana as of Thursday night:

Liverpool England 9:8
Starblaydia 11:9
Aquiliana 9:7
Halfassedstates 8:3
The Evil Umpire 9:1
Nova Brittanicus 20:1
The Latin Union 39:1
Sonova 500:1

Squornshelous Drawn into Group 7

16th ranked Pschychoes a little nervous looking down at some talent

==GROUP SEVEN==
Svecia
Squornshelous
Dennisov
Wella
Oddslavo
Artoonia
Finrods
Sarcodina

Svecia: They've recovered from a lapse into the 40's same as us, and should be a real challenge in this cup. Although we've only met a few times on the trail of the cup, we developed a special dislike for them early on, when they eliminated us from World Cup 5 in the Quarterfinals.

Dennisov: A dangerous team also on its way back from obscurity, they are the dark horse to win this group.

Wella: A decent team with plenty of talent and determination, they should have a decent shot at third place.

Oddslavo: One of the best puppets to play in the cup, their strings don't seem to get in the way very much.

Artoonia: Another decent team, they shouldn't be much of a problem for the top teams, but will do well against the bottom half.

Finrods: We know nothing about this team.

Sarcodina: We know nothing about this team.

Predicted Finishing Order:

1. Dennisov*
2. Svecia*
3. Squornshelous*
4. Oddslavo
5. Wella
6. Artoonia
7. Finrods
8. Sarcodina

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Stott Unsettled at Yeaddin Owls

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-----------------------The Tropics of Vilita National Team were rocked Friday morning with the news that perennial Right Winger Jonathon Stott has come off a row with the coaching staff at Vilitan Stellar Division Champion Yeaddin Owls. The 28 year old has indicated that there is a lot on his mind, and he just needs to get away from Vilita, from the Owls and from the press in Yeaddin. Stott is one of the original members of the Vilitan National Team, scoring his first of 13 career international goals against Aserjin, the last of a 4-2 victory over the First team that Vilita ever won a Home/Away series with, Taking down the victory in Lopinka, Vilita on Matchday 18 of the World Cup 13 Qualifiers. Stott scored for the second time in international play against Ineptia in World Cup 14 qualifiers, and once against Rejistania as part of the Under-21 side the upset the world and announced the Vilitan presence on the international stage, losing out 4-3 to Jeruselem in the final. Keeping with his 1 goal per competition record, Stott netted in the 14th Cup of Harmony Final, again against Jeruselem, this time with Vilita taking the silverware. Stott matured for the World Cup 15 qualifiers and found the net 4 times. But as fast as he had risen, Stott again slipped under the covers and fell out on the international level during World Cup 16. He came back with a bang, however, in the resurrection of the Eagles Cup before World Cup 17, netting in both the Eagles Cup and the World Cup 17 Finals before his untimely bust up with Owls management. The Owls are frantically trying to secure a season-long loan out for Stott, and all interested parties should contact Yeaddin Owls AFC at:

Yeaddin Owls AFC
Lirae Asku Castle
Yeaddin, Vilita


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Vilita Online (http://vilita.3wide.com) -- 3wide Designs (http://www.3wide.com) -- Atlantian Oceania (http://aoforums.3wide.com)

Breaking news: Legalese drawn into group eight; open against Rejistania

The Legalese MNT has been drawn into the eighth group in the World Cup Qualifiers. Therefore, they will take on the Orange Blues of Rejistania. More information to come shortly. There was no comment from the LAFC, which was making arrangments for the MNT to get to Rejistania for Matchday 1.

Somalialand Promises to Strip Down Vilita
By Somalialand press service

The Federation football community got very ecited after Vilita announced challange to the Somalialand group domaination, Vilita has made a chart predicting us to be in the 6 spot but when that news got into the football communty and the capital mogidishu every one laughed, "Is he the coach of vilita gone crazy" Asked a football fan, They have underestimated us by a long shot and they should be shown the true power of Somalialand football world,

"Once we throw our main comaptitor this saturday then we will see what other group member challanges us" said the coach, The team has went to an extensive training camp, the team was given about 80 acres of land to train their players, the coach was happy in seeing the communty helping the team in boosting their moral

The coach even said " Well the vilitans can post anything they want, and they can post all the links they want bu they will never go over the somalians that easily"

The SFF has also announced it was giving the team a free lift to vilitans, FYI this is the second time we went to the vilita, We went there during the BoF tournments that were held in vilita, we also held extensive review on the vilitan football dreams and community,

The other threatning teams in our group include masserat who have showed capability to HANG ON TO THE LAST DROP, AND THE OTHER TEAM THAT HEAVILY WORRIES THE DOMINANCE CHALLANGE FOR SOMALIALAND IS The Lowlands Clans,

We shall see how vilita come prepared to face the Ocean blue stars this saturday.




ODDS to be #1:

Somalialand
Vilita
Lowland clans
Maserrat
One red dot
Lykaia
Maldunia
kylaii

Ha, ha, ha - if you finish top in the group I'll withdraw from the cup. Mark my words.

FALE Supports Vilitan FA in Overcoming Somalialand

The FALE today released a statement backing the Vilitan FA to dfeat Smalialand easily. Chairman Paul Dussis noted that Somalialand did not stand a chance of possibly making it to the finals, let alone be first in the group in their first Cup.

Predictions
1. Vilita
2. The Lowlands Clans
3. One Red Dot
4. Lykaia
5. Kylaai
6. Maserrat
7. Somalialand
8. Maldunia

Ankh-Morpork C-mail

Street Drawn With ASholes, Tajiks, Oaks, Druids and Altos
Snappy Nickname For Streeters Sought

Cockbill Street will disappoint a lot of people if they fail to qualify from Group Three in World Cup Eighteen, it was generally thought after the draw was held in the Bedistani city of Amissville. The only problem with the group is that all the other nations seem to have short, snappy, disyllabic nicknames...while we're still stuck with "Streeters". As such, the C-mail would like to announce a competition for its readers - who can find the best mono- or disyllabic nickname for the Streetian footballers! (The individual names have not been revealed due to the Communications Officer of the Department of Sport being on holiday and not bothering to dig through the old papers, although we believe Rikki Stone won't play due to Olympics commitments, a nasty back injury, prioritising his family, and all sorts of other reasons why a 33-year-old doesn't want to play national football anymore). Anyway, back outside the bracket, the competition will last until the third matchday, when Cockbill Street is scheduled to meet the Oaks of Oaker. The winner will receive a casket of special Streetian beer, several large loafs of dwarf bread (in case you want to flee the country and need a boat, dwarf bread is useful for that, too), and an assortment of rubber chickens (don't ask, just don't).

After a bit of work, the Higher Mathematics and Logic Officer at the Department of Sports (currently busy with working out Duckworth/Lewis tables for the upcoming cricket tournament) in his spare time worked out the schedule for the qualifying matches. The C-mail offers it here, along with our predictions and comments on each match, and the probable stadiums:

Matchday 1: Cockbill Street v Druida @ K'haz'bak K'druz'ba D'gazh'dukh - the "other" Druids are very similar to the way the Druids used to be. They lose a lot, but are generally very cheery, and walk about wondering where the darned heck I put that sickle the last time I cut my beard. Hopefully, we'll get an easy home win to start the campaign off - although it is rumoured that the Druidan side has access to nearly unlimited amounts of RP-inin.

Matchday 2: Vollmeria v Cockbill Street - we don't have a clue, either.

Matchday 3: Cockbill Street v Oaker @ Jotneheim Park - Oaker have been around for a while in world football, although never actually doing anything remarkable (very similar to Cockbill Street there, in fact). Their squad is apparently made up of a lot of oak trees, which means their keeper will hopefully be rooted to the spot as we pour in the goals.

Matchday 4: Kipto-Mare v Cockbill Street - this nation turned up at the last World Cup, left, and then signed up for the next one. Their Communications Officer seems to be asleep or drunk - pick whatever you like. The point is, we should beat them comfortably.

Matchday 5: Audioslavia v Cockbill Street - although we didn't actually beat the Audioslavians last time around, the Street finished first in the group thanks to a magnificent effort against Squornshelous, and well ahead of Audioslavia (Who spoiled opportunities against newcomers) who had to go in the play-offs. The second away match on the trot is a bit of a disadvantage, of course, but as long as we don't repeat the 2-5 debacle in the Vimesbairn National four years ago, and find some wingers who can play ball, we should be okay.

Matchday 6: Tadjikistan v Cockbill Street @ Duzhanbe - the Tajiks have declined a bit after their surprise run eight years ago which brought them to the second round of the cup. Still, with the impervious "Panther" Lev Yashin in goal, along with names that you need a good throat disease and dwarf ancestry to pronounce, they are a fearsome side for commentators and journalists alike. Disappointment for the Street in that they have three away matches on the trot, but that's the way luck goes sometimes, and at least they have three home matches in the final stages of the competition.

Matchday 7: Cockbill Street v Avenging Altos @ K'haz'bak K'druz'ba D'gazh'dukh - hopefully they won't break the granite which the D'gazh'dukh is made of. That is probably the only fear that the Streeters will face from the Altos - that, or possibly excessive dating before the game, given that they are an all-female team who, apparently, are still looking for boyfriends (poor souls...).

Matchday 8: Druida v Cockbill Street @ Druid Tribune? - the location of this match is unknown, but we believe that we have found the biggest (or should that be least-small) city in Druida. The players will probably be greeted by President Margaret Smith, a transvestite with a fetish for rubber chickens - remarking the Druidans' chief weapons: fear, surprise, and nice red uniforms (worn by the President, naturally...)

Matchday 9: Cockbill Street v Vollmeria @ Roegrow Grass Patch - because we challenge you to find 2,000 who will turn up to watch what should surely be a 9-0 win.

Matchday 10: Oaker v Cockbill Street - the match is likely to be played under a great oak. That's all we know, really. Should be entertaining.

Matchday 11: Cockbill Street v Kipto-Mare @ Jorvik Pier - this stadium has not been used for World Cup matches before, and with good reason. The goal is to win the toss, put the Kipto-Marians at the far end of the pier, and watch as they get blown off. The disadvantage is that the ball will likely blow into the sea too - although reconstructions are being made to make the pier an arena capable of meeting World Cup dimensions.

Matchday 12: Cockbill Street v Audioslavia @ Vimesbairn National Stadium - the survivors of the pier battle will probably welcome the friendly environment in the National - although most of the players will be unused to a proper football arena. This could be an advantage to Audioslavia, and as this match will probably determine who gets first place, it seems a bit stupid to put this game here. Then again, 140,000 rabid Vimeschilds will probably be a good support, too.

Matchday 13: Cockbill Street v Tadjikistan @ Vimesbairn National Stadium - this match might well be the one where the Street secures qualification. A win here might be absolutely crucial - and therefore, it might be a good idea to enlarge the goals just a wee bit so that the Panther can't reach everywhere?

Matchday 14: Avenging Altos v Cockbill Street - let's just hope they don't spring their "glass trick" on us this time. Injuries from "falling shards" are generally not appreciated by Compound League coaches, who'd like their players fit for fight a week after the game. OK?

In other news, Liverpool English newspapers seem to have forgotten the Maldunian charge of qualifying for World Cup Eighteen. But then again, Maldunia aren't exactly a nation easy to remember.

World Cup Groups Drawn

D2R Drawn into Group 5

After 4 Groups and 1 Name Drawn...D2R were finally drawn at a midpoint in the group drawing ceremony. The other name drawn was a slightly familiar face. It could be their time for revenge as the other name was Total n Utter Insanity who were defeated by the Revolutionaries 3-2 in the World Cup 17 Quarter Finals. Next up was Lemmitania who Dance 2 Revolution played in World Cup 15 Qualifiers where both teams beat each other 1-0 at home. Next it was The Weegies...a foe who had never taken on D2R. Next up, Magnus Valerius, Only one previous meeting between these two teams. A 2-0 victory for D2R in the Cup of Harmony group stages after World Cup 12. The remaining three teams to be drawn were Big Pimento, Myrulesia and Tippman. None of which had seen D2R in competition or otherwise.

The Group looks like this:
==GROUP 5==
Total n Utter Insanity
Dance 2 Revolution
Lemmitania
The Weegies
Magnus Valerius
Big Pimento
Myrulesia
Tippman


and we predict a finishing table looking something like this:
==GROUP 5==
Total n Utter Insanity
Lemmitania
Dance 2 Revolution
Magnus Valerius
The Weegies
Big Pimento
Myrulesia
Tippman


Group 6 also looked interesting with Apparent Upper/Lower scaled rivals Vilita and Somalialand drawn in. Vilita also had WC13 Rivals The Lowland Clans and anagram boys Kylaai and Lykaia. Somalialand seems to think it can top the group...in our opinions...they're going to get battered, but we'll let them show us what they can do before we make judgements.

Old 0-0-14 boys Vorpal Bunnies were drawn into what NEWI fans seem to like calling 'Ouch' Group...we'll just call it a group of death with 5 'Established' nations in it; NEWI Cefn Druids, Kingsford, Turori, The Belmore Family and Eystrck. There is also claims of Castillanos being a well-worked team.

Political allies Kaze Progressa also were drawn into a hard-ish group, drawing The Eagles Nest, Krytenia and Snub Nose 38, there is also Spurland, who is a very difficult match if you approach them wrongly. We also predict Qia to pull off a few shocks in Group 4 also.

Rejistania, who defeated D2R to win the cup last term, are expected to pass through their group with not much difficulty, possible stunspore coming from Commerce Heights, Lovisa and maybe Sarzonia.

Group 9 seems to be the easiest group to qualify from, we believe that Melmond should have no trouble coping with the tag of top of the pile and that most top teams could take Melmond's place and qualify with ease.

Aquiliana are 3rd seeds from their group in Group 10, with only Liverpool England and Starblaydia above them. We think that the table will end in rank order, with maybe Starblaydia stealing top-spot from Liverpool England and Aquiliana maybe falling slightly.

That is all from Group Review and Sports Weekly today, we look forward seeing you for coverage of the first game of D2R's qualifying campaign, at home to Myrulesia, G-nite.

Bribe and Prejudice

It's been reported that an undisclosed organisation has bribed the referees of all of Somalialand's upcoming matches to let them win. Apparently they want to "screw over" the Liverpool England team, whose coach said they would withdraw if Somalialand finish top of the group.

In other news, Liverpool English newspapers seem to have forgotten the Maldunian charge of qualifying for World Cup Eighteen. But then again, Maldunia aren't exactly a nation easy to remember.

Thanks for pointing it out. Edited.

Anchorman: "You're listening to the Cefn Broadcasting Network, where we're now going over to Björn-Trevor Frederiksson in Bedistan, who is with the NEWI Cefn Druids defensive coach Amos Hinton."

Björn-Trevor Frederiksson: "Indeed I am, Amos, straight to the point, are you happy with the draw?"

Amos Hinton: "No, don't be silly. It's a terrible draw. If you look at the list of teams, there will usually be a couple of teams that are easy pickings and one or two main rivals. I'd say that this is as tough as it gets."

Björn-Trevor Frederiksson: "Fair enough. Well, if we could just go down the list of teams in the group one by one. Of course, the Druids are ranked the best in the group..."

Amos Hinton: "No, no, they are not ranked the best in the group."

Björn-Trevor Frederiksson: "Amos, they are statistically the best team in the group. You can't argue with me on that one. It is a fact."

Amos Hinton: "No, no, no, no. You are sorely mistaken. I can argue with you all I like on the matter. OK, I might never be right in the argument, but I can argue, and will persist in doing so. I can't help it if I disagree with everything you say."

Björn-Trevor Frederiksson: "Hmmmmmm. Well, anyway. We shall go in which the teams were drawn out..."

Amos Hinton: "No, no we won't. We'll go in the order in which we shall play the teams."

Björn-Trevor Frederiksson: "Well, OK, if that's what you want, we'll start with Vorpal Bunnies. Surely that should be an easy one to begin with?"

Amos Hinton: "No, Björn, if anything, that's a tough start. Have you ever played against rabbits during your time? I know you played against an egg once, but never rabbits. No, this is a tough and specific task, and we will have to adjust our game accordingly."

Björn-Trevor Frederiksson: "Fair enough, second up are Turori. The two games against them in the group stages will make them the team the Druids have faced most often in their history, and in all those games the Druids have only ever lost one meaningless encounter in the Eagles Cup. Surely a relatively easy game for the Druids?"

Amos Hinton: "No, far from easy. Turori are the best they've ever been, and are getting better. They made it to the last World Cup finals, and if they're ever going to surprise us, then don't be surprised if it is now."

Björn-Trevor Frederiksson: "Right, next come Eystrck. Didn't quite do an Aquiliana last time, fair enough, they're a good side, but surely not compared with the Druids?"

Amos Hinton: "No, Björn, Eystrck should not be underestimated like that. They won the Baptism of Fire before last and are a growing force. We won't be taking them lightly, that's for sure."

Björn-Trevor Frederiksson: "Then there's Eskrador. Hell, I've never even heard of Eskrador! Surely that should be easy?"

Amos Hinton: "No, it isn't. You know, you're problem is that you think every game is easy. You should know as a past international yourself that no game is easy. Especially against unknowns wanting to make a name for themselves. If Eskrador beat us, it would be one of those shameful moments you became accustomed to all the time in the early days of Druidish football. We don't want to go back there again."

Björn-Trevor Frederiksson: "We certainly don't. Kingsford are our next opponents, they must be our main rivals in trying to win the group."

Amos Hinton: "No, I like to see it as the other way round. Kingsford are historically a much better side than the Druids, so we expect them to walk away with the group while we scrap it out with the rest for second."

Björn-Trevor Frederiksson: "OK. Will that be with our next opponents, the Belmorians?"

Amos Hinton: "No, they've sucked ever since that legendary player they had retired, the one who I've forgotten the name of. You must remember him, he stopped playing after World Cup 10, became the manager. Scored in every game."

Björn-Trevor Frederiksson: "I know who you mean, and I think our listeners do to."

Amos Hinton: "No you don't. If you do, tell me who."

Björn-Trevor Frederiksson: "Amos, we all know you'll disagree with me if I tell you."

Amos Hinton: "No, I won't, I promise you!"

Björn-Trevor Frederiksson: "Really?"

Amos Hinton: "No."

Björn-Trevor Frederiksson: "Well, anyway, that's all getting a bit academic, and I'm sure our listeners get the picture. SO without further ado, we'll move onto the Druids' last opponents, Castillanos. Another new team that showed a lot of promise during the recent Baptism of Fire tournament, but surely not enough experience yet to overcome the Druids?"

Amos Hinton: "No, experience counts for nothing in the modern game. Any team can beat any other on any given day. That's the beauty of the sport, Björn. Especially considering that Castillanos are actually not a bad side, as they showed in the BoF. A tough game to finish a tough group. One thing's for sure, though - NEWI Cefn Druids will be up for the challenge."

Björn-Trevor Frederiksson: "Amos Hinton there, issuing a warning to what he sees as quality opponents. Back to the studio in Cefn."

An Excerpt from a rather good advert on various Starblaydi TV channels as they've all clubbed together to buy the rights to show all of Starblaydia's matches absolutely live. Instead of the full effect, we have obtained the Director's Script for you, for those with imagination to let it unfold in their head.

***

A Black Screen is before you. White Text Fades in and out.

WORLD CUP 18

An opening electric guitar chord echoes in the darkness, punctuated by the fading-in of a beautiful orange sunrise. A man sings, live at a concert, for those in the know, the Tune is 'Starblaydia', by the Maniacal Street Sweepers, a popular band, though originally from NEWI Cefn Druids. The singer's voice is punctated by appearing images of cheering crowds.

'Come Fly, Come Fly, Come Fly with me... to Starblaydia!'

With some special-effects wizardry the camera pulls back sharply to reveal the Foundation Road Stadium and the surrounding city and parks in the morning sun, Starblaydi flags flying proudly in the stiff breeze.

Yet more chords are played, building the tension and excitement to a creshendo, each one accompanied by footage of a Starblaydi superstar firing a shot at goal. A Simeone Di Bradini blast, a Salisbury free-kick, a Hall volley, a Naoki overhead-kick. A Durand Slide-tackle, a Da Silva diving save, a Roberto Di Bradini trick and Guylain N'Dumbu-Nsungu gesticulating from the touchlines.

The drums kick in as we see fast-motion of all the goals fly in at once and the tune really begins, with each player celebrating his goal.

Some skillful track-editing skips the first verses and goes straight to the chorus.

'I want to fly and run til it hurts..'

Simeone Di Bradini streaks away from goal and towards the fans, his arms spread wide as he roars in exhultation.x

'...sleep for a while and speak no words...'

Ceri Salisbury slams home a penalty and turns, putting his finger to his lips with a grin on his face, soon enveloped by his teammates as they pile onto him in celebration.

'...in Starblaydia.'

In the stands, the crowd hold above them a huge replica of a white Starblaydi shirt, large enough to cover hundreds of seats, rippling as if in the wind.

'I want to fly and run til it hurts..'

J.J. Stark, in full flight, is brought crashing to the ground by a vicious tackle. The Manager throws his arms up in disgust to berate the 4th Official.

'...sleep for a while and speak no words...'

Pushing and shoving between Starblaydia and another Team ensues, Ki-Jana Carter showing his full agression to the opposition.

'...in Starblaydia.'

The team are lined up, singing the national anthem, 'Starblaydia Triumphant', with pride.

'In Starblaydia.'

The Screen fades to black once more, with just a single word

SOON

***

Starblaydi Stadium Information for Group Ten of the World Cup 18 Qualifiers.

Home Team Vs Away Team - {Stadium, City, Capacity - Team}
Starblaydia Vs The Latin Union - {Victory Park, Vecchio, 48,000 - Vecchio Victors}
Sonova Vs Starblaydia - {TBA}
Starblaydia Vs Halfassedstates - {Jhanna City Rec. Ground, Jhanna, 51,000 - Jhanna City}
Nova Britannicus Vs Starblaydia - {Raider's Den, Foxchester, 44,000 - Foxchester Raiders}
Liverpool England Vs Starblaydia - {TBA}
Aquiliana Vs Starblaydia - {TBA}
Starblaydia Vs The Evil Umpire - {Silverlands, Corinth, 52,000 - Corinthian Spirits}
The Latin Union Vs Starblaydia - {TBA}
Starblaydia Vs Sonova - {Bekkside Stadium, Tabeck, 33,000 - Tabeck FC}
Halfassedstates Vs Starblaydia - {TBA}
Starblaydia Vs Nova Britannicus - {Foundation Road, Jhanna, 75,000 - Iskara Daii}
Starblaydia Vs Liverpool England - {Jader Barbalho Stadium, Jhanna, 94,000 - Jhanna United}
Starblaydia Vs Aquiliana - {Hallad City Stadium, Hallad, 49,000 - Hallad Reavers}
The Evil Umpire Vs Starblaydia - {TBA}

Crazy Dave's Soccer Spot

This is Crazy Dave reporting for the Jeruselem Government News in the NS World Cup XVII. Them Bedistanis have release the groups and Jeruselem has been draw in Group One. Yes, number one!

Now most of the teams here have really hard to spell names apart from Spaam. There's top seed of the group Iansisle followed by our favourite tinned meat Spaam. Another good team is Crystilakere and then there's us of course. The other teams are rather unknown including Slaikau, meaning ... whatever and Wapahkoneta, of which I have no idea. There's a Smoking Pits and not so New Dubai.

Our chances? Well we should be in the top 4 with all them unknowns unless one becomes the new Sarzonia for this cup.

Now I speak to the Jeruselem coach David Becks.

David: Nice to be back with Jeruselem team, Dave.
Dave: Hey, we're both Davids!
David: Except you're still single
Dave: Oh yeah. Never mind. Now, is World Cup XVIII the one? Better than XIII and XVII where we came so close?
David: Well, only the Gods will determine our fate. Our team is young due to XVII and XVI veterans retiring. There's good talent here.
Dave: Why the change from attacking 433 to 442 suddenly?
David: Our defense has never been good enough and it was time we tried a little change to change our fortunes.
Dave: It is the one where we qualify
David: I can't guarantee anything. All I can do this get this team to play it's best.
Dave: Thanks for being here, David.
David: Thanks Crazy Dave. I'm sure we'll be hearing from this madhouse again.

==GROUP ONE==
Iansisle
Spaam
Crystilakere
Jeruselem
Slaikau
Smoking Pits
Wapahkoneta
New Dubai

The Tribune Tribune
Serving Druid Tribune and the surrounding area

TOUGH DRAW, BUT RAINBOWS SEEM CONFIDENT
By Trefor Blackmore

The Druida Rainbows were handed a tough draw in their first World Cup qualifying campaign as they were handed a draw that pitched them up against a fair few sesoned campaigners. The rainbows are only ranked as seventh best in the group of eight, but manager Trevor Kallins expects them to punch above their weight.

"Really, if we approach games in an organised manner, who knows?" he told us. "My target, as ludicrous as it may sound, is to make it through from the group to the finals. OK, if we finish fourth of fifth, it won't be a complete failure, though anything less won't have been the best of campaigns."

However, when we asked Kallins why neither he or none of his team had used the Druidan Margaretisation programme to become Margarets, he said, "Beacause it is a crazy idea. It'll never work. Governments don't have the ability to do such things. You have to have that certain something."

So, let's look at each opponent a bit closer, starting with the rainbows' first opponents, Cockbill Street. Obviously, not actually one huge single street with lots of people on, it, Cockbill Street are now experienced campaigners in this game. However, they have won the Cup of Harmony a couple of times, which might well show that qualifying isn't really their strong point. Will be expected to overcome Druida easily, though.

Oaker are particularly noteable because they are a commentator's nightmare. An example of a piece of commentary from an Oaker attack goes something like this: "Oaker, good ball wide to Oaker, he's got Oaker and Oaker making runs through the middle, instead he's pulled it back to Oaker... and that's sailed over the bar..." If there was ever to become a half Druidan, half Oakeran family, then Trefor and Margaret Oaker would simply get even more comfused. A cunning tactic will be the one Sarzonia once employed against NEWI Cefn Druids, only Druida will shout "Oaker" quite randomly to confuse the opposition instead of "Trevor".

Kipto-Mare are relatively unknown, and will be Druida's best chance of beating a higher ranked team. If the rainbows can't win this one, they really shouldn't expect much at all.

A game where the rainbows won't fancy their chances too much, though, is the one against Audioslavia. The 'slaves have long been one of the best around, and their world ranking of 6 reflects this. If the rainbows even get a draw against them, it would be a huge shock. It won't happen.

Tadjikistan burst onto the scene a few years ago and great things were expected of them. However, since then, they haven't quite managed to make that step up to the next level. Despite this, they are considerably better than Druida, though expect the rainbows to give them quite a good game when they come to Druid Tribune.

Avenging Altos were once quite good, though not fantastic, but now aren't as good as they were. Still, for a bunch of high heeled operatic types, they're not bad. You'd hope that your country could beat them, it is quite embarrasing if you don't, but there have been many embarrasements caused by this lot down the years. Don't take any glass to their games, not unless you want to break it.

Vollmeria isn't too well known. All we know is that it is assocciated with group rivals Tadjikistan, though in what way we don't know. Should (hopefully) be a relatively easy match to finish with.

So not exactly promising, but as we saw with teams like Dance 2 Revolution at World Cup 17, anything could happen. A reminder of Group 3 in full:

Audioslavia
Cockbill Street
Tadjikistan
Oaker
Avenging Altos
Kipto-Mare
Druida
Vollmeria



ADVERTISING FEATURE



MARGARETS OF DRUIDA

Have you recently changed your name to Margaret as part of the Druidan Margaretisation scheme? If you have, you'll probably know that you will be expected to perform certain rituals you will now be expected to follow involving the sacrifice of chickens. But to do this, you're going to need the correct equipment. That's why you'll need...

THE MARGARET ROBE!

OK, so the color might not be exactly the same as the original Margaret's robe, but that's not the point. The point is, you won't find a better quality sacrificial robe in all of Druida. Oh, and only government approved produce works, so accept no immitations! Ignore those who say they need to be the right colour! Buy your robe from the government TODAY!!!

DISCLAIMER: These products are not endorsed by "Margaret" in any way shape or form, only by the various Margarets in the Druidan government. Any resembelence to any characters, real or fictional, is purely deliberate. Robes also available in lime green.


ADVERTISING FEATURE

DruOdds of Druid Tribune are offering the latest odds on winning qualifying Group 3:

5/2 Audioslavia
3/1 Cockbill Street
7/1 Tadjikistan
10/1 Oaker
20/1 Avenging Altos, Druida
50/1 Kipto-Mare
100/1 Vollmeria

*Rates for qualifying (top 3) are 1/3 of the odds.

So if you think you're onto a winner, come to DruOdds, and we'll tell you that you are, even though you're not, and quite happily take your money for nothing! :D

OOC

Druida, poor U. Played most of them except Vollmeria.

Pride After A Fall?

Last night a man fell 32 storeys onto the street below after attempting to scale the Rakasta Ritz, the hotel the Maserrat team are staying in before flying out to One Red Dot tomorrow. It appears that he used a grappling gun to get onto the roof before lowering himself down to the 32nd floor on a rope. For some unknown reason he let go and plummeted the 250 feet to ground zero. Amazingly the man did not die, and is recovering in hospital. He sustained severe injuries to his spine and skull, but other than that everything is just peachy for him. Now the nation is wondering whether this is a good or a bad omen for the team, as the group draw as made some time ago. There are several enticing games that are to the played over the next two weeks, but the match that stands out to all Maserratians is at home to Vilita, the very last match of the qualifying campaign. Here's what coach Poskit Karpova had to say about the draw:

"It is an interesting draw, to say the least. It is a short but rather colourful history between our two nations, and it was only a matter of time before this situation was to arise. I for one am not for silly feuds such as we have. This is a beautiful game and we should respect it, not spoil it with arguments and threats. I will warn any Maserratians now - any action taken against the Vilitans will be severely punsihed by the authorities. I hope the Vilitan government make the same statement - there's no need to mar what will surely be an excellent day out for all. Besides, Vilita have also to contend with Somalialand, another of their 'enemies'. I can swear now that we will not attempt to provoke the Vilitans, so they can concentrate their efforts on the Africans if they so wish."

Also in the group are Maldunia, the team Maserrat beat in the quarter finals of the Baptism Of Fire Cup - the same scoreline is not assured here. Then there's Lykaia and Kylaai, two teams with a suspicious similarity in nomenclature, but hopefully both still beatable. Finally there's the Lowland Clans - always a favourite, and no different here. A whole host of stars, but how should they do? Here's our group predictions:

Vilita
Favourites to win the group and no doubt about that from us. Can they be beaten by the Dynamos? We'll let you decide. Prediction - 1st

The Lowland Clans
Another big prospect for this group, and likely to prove a strong challenge for the Vilitans, although they'll probably come off second-best. Prediction - 2nd

One Red Dot
Maserrat's first opponents look particularly strong, and could overwhelm the team if not viewed with deep suspicion. Prediction - 3rd

Lykaia
Not exactly a household name, but could put up a fight against Maserrat. However, the Dynamos should reign here. Prediction - 6th

Kylaai
Similar to Lykaia (in more ways than one), and a similar prediction against the Maserratians. Should be beaten. Prediction - 8th

Maserrat
Will be boosted by their BoF win, but this is a totally different ball game. Not expected to progress, but you never know...Prediction - 4th

Maldunia
Not a challenge in the BoF for Maserrat, and not seen to have a chance here either. But give them some credit - they're not the worst team here. Prediction - 7th

Somalialand
Despite the bravado and the front they're pulling, they are fooling nobody. Not good to annoy the favourites - we should know! Prediction - 5th

So that's our prediciton, but everybody knows how funny this game can be. We'll see just how funny in two weeks time.

Maserrat's Fixtures

MD01: One Red Dot (A)
MD02: Kylaai (H)
MD03: Maldunia (H)
MD04: The Lowland Clans (H)
MD05: Lykaia (A)
MD06: Somalialand (A)
MD07: Vilita (A)
MD08: One Red Dot (H)
MD09: Kylaai (A)
MD10: Maldunia (A)
MD11: The Lowland Clans (A)
MD12: Lykaia (H)
MD13: Somalialand (H)
MD14: Vilita (H)

Sir Podrington Fawcett-Smythe, the Chairman of the Nova Britannicus Association Football Association, (NBAFA) sat, like all the other delegates from the eighty qualification nations in the audience in Bedistan as Johnny Lewis drew the teams. He smiled pleasantly each time a name was drawn, 'Oohing' at the appropriate time when some rivals were drawn.

Beside him, however, was someone with some foresight and intelligence (unlike Sir Fawcett-Smythe), his name was Harry Jones, the Chairman's Aide. With his list of all eghty nations from the ten ranking 'Pots', he was crossing off each one in turn. Nine Groups had been called so far, and Nova Britannicus weren't in anyt of them. With only one group left, there were eight uncrossed names on his clipboard. Two in particular were staring him in the face.

The first, obviously, was Nova Britannicus, his own nation. Quickly scanning the others, there was one nation that seemingly jumped off the page and slapped him with all the effects of a large wet kipper.

"Sir Podrington..." he began, nudging the Chairman slightly.

"Not now, Harry, I'm waiting for what group we're in." the Knight of the Realm hissed under his breath.

"And in Group Ten..."

"But I already know it, Sir," Harry insisted.

"Be quiet boy."

"...Liverpool England!"

Some subdued cheers from the Englander contingent as the light applause quickly died, there had been seventy-two rounds of applause before it, and most nations were summarily bored of the proceedings now. The Rejistanian delegation appeared to be falling asleep in their seats.

"Starblaydia are in this group!" Harry said, a little too loudly.

"...Starblaydia!"

"What of it, boy?" Sir Podrington was still waiting for Nova Britannicus to be drawn in one of the groups, oblivious to the fact that nine of the ten were already full.

"...Aquiliana!"

"Oh," said Sir Podrington with some delight as he applauded, "that'll make for some good games"

"But it's Nova Britannicus, Sir,"

..."Halfassedstates!"

"What about bloody Nova Britannicus, we haven't been drawn yet?" The Knight was getting somewhat irritated as Harry summoned up the courage and words to break through the gin-addled clouds around Sir Podrington's brain.

..."The Evil Umpire!"

"I've checked off all the other nations in all the other groups and if you look at this list you can see that we're the only one left in Pot Six so that means Starblaydia will be against..."

"...Nova Britannicus!"

"Bloody Hells Bells!" shouted Sir Podrington, standing up and applauding wildly. "See you in Group Ten, Mister Um Dumbo And Pingu!"

The Starblaydi ex-Striker and current National Manager turned and waved politely to Sir Fawcett-Smythe, making a mental note to beat the hell out of the Britannicans in their two matches.

"What were you on about, Harry?" Sir Podrington said as he sat back down.

"...The Latin Union!"

"Oh we've beaten you already, old chaps!" the Chairman interrupted Harry before he could even begin, waving at the Latin contingent.

"It doesn't matter, Sir."

"... and finally, Sonova!"

"...bitch." Harry said, quietly in unison with Mr Lewis.

Tigers end up in group three

Dushanbe - The Tigers will have to make up for their failure in WC17Q and group 3 seems to be the place to do it, most of these teams are unknown to the Tadjiks and should pose little threat to the Tigers' qualification chances. The only exeptions are probably Cockbill Street and Audioslavia and to a lesser extent Oaker.

Tigers coach Georgi Zhukov thinks its possible :"With our new young team, it should be possible to qualify. 6 old players remained and 5 young players, mainly from the U21 team were added. Cherniakhovskij dissapeared as player but he's still around as my assistant. I hope to see one of the young players, Shvydkoi or Gasparian, take his place as goalgetter. They'll sure get their chances in the first half of the Qualifications and when those are over i expect a team that is technically and physically ready to secure some points in the away matches of the second round. My goal is second position, doesnt matter who is first.
Well, we'd like to know who is going to finish first, so we asked former Tigers coach Triandafillov to predict the outcome of the qualifications. And the old 'general' came up with this:

1 Audioslavia
2 Tadjikistan
3 Cockbill Street
4 Avenging Altos
5 Oaker
6 Kipto-Mare
7 Druida
8 Vollmeria

"I see the Slaves end in first position, followed by Tadjikistan. Oh yes, Zhukov is a good coach and the players want to get their team back in the Cup, they can do it. The Tigers will have to beat Cockbill street in the first match and try to bring a point with them in the away match. Yashin is old but he's still one of the best, he keep the Streetboys out. I dont know the other teams in the group very well and my predictions there are purely based on what i've been told. The only thing i do know is that Druida and Vollmeria will be fighting for the 7th spot, Druida may even win that one."
And to finish off, the list of matches the Tigers will play:

MD1 :Tadjikistan - Kipto-Mare
MD2 :Tadjikistan - Audioslavia
MD3 :Tadjikistan - Vollmeria
MD4 :Avenging Altos - Tadjikistan
MD5 :Tadjikistan - Druida
MD6 :Tadjikistan - Cockbill street
MD7 :Tadjikistan - Oaker
MD8 :Kipto-Mare - Tadjikistan
MD9 :Audioslavia - Tadjikistan
MD10: Vollmeria - Tadjikistan
MD11:Tadjikistan - Avenging Altos
MD12: Druida - Tadjikistan
MD13: Cockbill Street - Tadjikistan
MD14: Oaker - Tadjikistan

OOC1: CS, you seem to like Yashin (or you know who he really was) so i've put him on the team again. Hope you remain scoreless in Tadjikistan :D

Ladies called Margaret must be praised at all times
Or exiled from the pitch/stadium/nation/plane of existence. Whichever is easier and most appropriate at the time. hehehehehe

;) (Ladies? He don’t know Margaret very well, do he?)

----------------------------------------------------------

MINISTRY OF STATISTICS, OTHER TOTALLY USELESS INFORMATION, AND BAND AIDS

Official Announcement

The Qualifying Matches for World Cup XVIII find the National side of the Frost Free Borderlands of Snub Nose 38, “The Hooligans”, drawn into Group 4. The Group (not quite the Group of Death, thank you) is made up of about half veteran sides to international football, and half of sides with little international experience. When the draw was complete, Group 4 looked like this:

==GROUP FOUR==
The Eagles Nest
Kaze Progressa
Krytenia
Snub Nose 38
Spurland
Qia
Fmjphoenix
Ashibot

Fourteen matchdays are scheduled, as each side in each group will play home and away with all other sides in the group. The complete schedule for Group 4 is:

MD01:
The Eagles Nest vs Ashibot
Kaze Progressa vs Fmjphoenix
Krytenai vs Qia
Snub Nose 38 vs Spurland
MD02:
Krytenia vs The Eagles Nest
Ashibot vs Kaze Progressa
Fmjphoenix vs Snub Nose 38
Qia vs Spurland
MD03:
The Eagles Nest vs Spurland
Kaze Progressa vs Snub Nose 38
Krytenia vs Ashibot
Qia vs Fmjphoenix
MD04:
Fmjphoenix vs The Eagles Nest
Qia vs Kaze Progressa
Spurland vs Krytenia
Ashibot vs Snub Nose 38
MD05:
The Eagles Nest vs Kaze Progressa
Krytenia vs Fmjphoenix
Snub Nose 38 vs Qia
Spurland vs Ashibot
MD06:
Snub Nose 38 vs The Eagles Nest
Krytenia vs Kaze Progressa
Fmjphoneix vs Spurland
Ashibot vs Qia
MD07:
The Eagles Nest vs Qia
Kaze Progressa vs Spurland
Krytenia vs Snub Nose 38
Fmjphoenix vs Ashibot

HALFWAY POINT

MD08:
Ashibot vs The Eagles Nest
Fmjphoenix vs Kaze Progressa
Qia vs Krytenai
Spurland vs Snub Nose 38
MD09:
The Eagles Nest vs Krytenia
Kaze Progressa vs Ashibot
Snub Nose 38 vs Fmjphoenix
Spurland vs Qia
MD010:
Spurland vs The Eagles Nest
Snub Nose 38 vs Kaze Progressa
Ashibot vs Krytenia
Fmjphoenix vs Qia
MD011:
The Eagles Nest vs Fmjphoenix
Kaze Progressa vs Qia
Krytenia vs Spurland
Snub Nose 38 vs Ashibot
MD012:
Kaze Progressa vs The Eagles Nest
Fmjphoenix vs Krytenia
Qia vs Snub Nose 38
Ashibot vs Spurland
MD013:
The Eagles Nest vs Snub Nose 38
Kaze Progressa vs Krytenia
Spurland vs Fmjphoenix
Qia vs Ashibot
MD014:
Qia vs The Eagles Nest
Spurland vs Kaze Progressa
Snub Nose 38 vs Krytenia
Ashibot vs Fmjphoenix

The Hooligans (and their ever present companions, those "other" Hooligans - the Hooligans Cheerleaders) are nearing the end of preparations for their 16th World Cup Campaign. At this writing the schedule calls for Hooligan "home" matches to be played at the football stadium of WASSA MATTA U. Plans for a new national stadium are under discussion.

Tickets for all Hooligan matches remain available. They can be acquired at any Snubitron location, or you can call the Snub Nose 38 Ministry of Athletics, Olympics, and Alcoholic Beverages. Just ask for Beverly.

Originally Posted by SOMALIALAND
Ladies called Margaret must be praised at all times
Or exiled from the pitch/stadium/nation/plane of existence. Whichever is easier and most appropriate at the time.

I have never said that, what a joke, and please stop bringing this kind of things into the rb field, try it on the discussion field

Somalialand anxious to prove them Wrong

After hell bashing from compatitors who seem they have forgotten the new rules enacted by the hostin team, It does not matter if you played before, you are only allowed one Rbing post in the rb place on the matdch day, and if its uber good you will win, that is if mine is slain

The team got up from hteir hotels and immediatley went to the airport, where their ride to vilita was ready, "The vilitans have not seen us play, hahahaha, that is a joke" said one hardcore fan, They have seen us play on their pitches and we know how they play, they can say every negative thing about this great team but they should know that and i believe they know the great speed this team has, the talent that is on this team, Imagine when ahmed gali played against the novans in the BoF, he almost screwed them and singled handedly, he almost broke their back

"Somalialand will not stand bashing from other teams that are not in our group" said the coach on his last press confrence. in fact he was mentioning a particulurly a harsh comment from LE's hard stance and bashing

"I do not like disrespectful people' said Ahmed gali, I hero on the BoF, The only think we know is football and the only thing i care about is football, do they want to play free for all and if they want to play hard, i am still here with the team.

every player on the team wanted to prove every nation wrong, they wanted revenge, and revenge they will get vowed all players,

*******************************

Schedule of Somalialand


::WC18 Qualifying Schedule::
MD01: 1v8 @ vilita away
MD02: 8v2 The lowland Clans Home
MD03: 3v8 @ One Red Dot Away
MD04: 8v4 Lykaia Home
MD05: 5v8 @ Kylaai Away
MD06: 8v6 Maserrat Home
MD07: 7v8 @ Maldunia Away

Half way point

MD08: -8v1 vilta Home
MD09: -2v8 @ lowland clans Away
MD10: -8v3 One Red Dot Home
MD11: -4v8 @ Lykaia Away
MD12: -8v5 kylaii Home
MD13: -6v8 @ Maserrat Away
MD14: -8v7 Maldunia Home

==GROUP SIX==
Vilita
The Lowland Clans
One Red Dot
Lykaia
Kylaai
Maserrat
Maldunia
Somalialand

The first half of the Home games will be played at Kasarani national stadium and the second half of the games will be played at The great stadium of Fulani AKA Fulani stadium

http://www.dirt-racing.com/3wide/sites/vilita/vn/logo.gif


O'Toole Laughs at "Hero" Tag

Tivali Ring Stadium, Alikki-Corra, Vilita
http://www.dirt-racing.com/3wide/sites/aofiles/rp/bar.gif

-----------------------Tropics of Vilita National team legend Baron O'Toole today was left bemused at the latest piece of Somalialand propoganda, commenting on the teams Baptism of Fire Cup run. The Semi-Retired Under-21 Manager was in Alikki-Corra to announce the starting lineup for the Jungle Cats opening match against Somalialand, when a reporter asked him to comment on the Somalialand view of Ahmed Gali being a "hero" of the Baptism of Fire Cup.

"Well, When I heard it, I fell on the floor laughing. I couldn't help but think, Hero?! They didnt even make it to the Second Round, in fact, they didnt even win a single game. The only Hero they had was referee Maks Sovdat who blew for full time in Somalialands last match of the competition, telling them that they could go home and stop getting embarrassed by their better opponents. Anyway, You all want to know what players are going to hand Somalialand yet another beating, don't you? Well here they are."

The players entered the room, sporting the classic Jungle Cat Uniform.


Goalkeepers :: Jimmy Kater & Bryan 'Pop' Duiker
Defenders :: Esemar Aliana, Danilo Liguori, Ricky Ezis & David Leacock
Midfielders :: Antonis Ratuva, Santo Kecker, Calaesa Mitaroka, Jonathon Stott, Jonathon Baledrokadroka, Inaki Soler, Tanner Nerni & Malovar Stokks
Forwards :: Serge DuPont, Jan Christiansen, Lai Ncube & Carmine Mbidzo


-------------------------------------------------------
Vilita Online (http://vilita.3wide.com) -- 3wide Designs (http://www.3wide.com) -- Atlantian Oceania (http://aoforums.3wide.com)

Team FMJPhoenix prepares for World Cup with announcement of Groups
By Roger Cede

Vanguard, FMJPhoenix: Thousands of people watch on from the stands at FMJPhoenix's national team practices for World Cup 18, their first entry into the torunament. With the announcement of their entry into Group Four, Coach Wash has been having the team work two practices a day for the past two weeks.

"This will be a major challenge for our team. We are hoping that we can come in here and prove that we are for real. That we can play with the legends, the top teams in the world." Coach Wash told reporters after the groups were announced.

Many sports writers and fans were left with the questions about the team overall. Many thought that FMJPhoenix was a fluke in the Baptism of Fire, going undefeated for all three matches in Group B to lose in the first round of the playoffs. It was a tough loss for FMJPhoenix, as it was their first and only loss in the tournament. Many people do not think they will embrace much success against many other teams in the world. They are stil a young team with very little international expierence. The BoF was their first time, as a team, to expeierence international play. Coach Wash will be relying on his team leaders to make sure the team stays together and keeps positive attitudes to stay competative.

"We want to prove that we were not a fluke. We wil show that we are the real deal," Captian Jorge Mendel said in a recent interview, "we owe it to our fans who believed in us and we have to show the doubters they are wrong."

High expectations are being placed on Team FMJPhoenix to make it through the qualifying rounds, so expect them to be fierce competitors in Group Four.
This is what the Group Four looks like:

The Eagles Nest
Kaze Progressa
Krytenia
Snub Nose 38
Spurland
Qia
Fmjphoenix
Ashibot

There are 14 matchdays scheduled for qualifying. It involves each team playing each other twice, once as home, once as away. Team FMJPhoenix has a schedule looking like this:

Matchday 1
Kaze Progressa at Fmjphoenix

Matchday 2
Fmjphoenix at Snub Nose 38

Matchday 3
Qia at Fmjphoenix

Matchday 4
Fmjphoenix at The Eagles Nest

Matchday 5
Krytenia at Fmjphoenix

Matchday 6
Fmjphoenix at Spurland

Matchday 7
Fmjphoenix at Ashibot

Matchday 8
Fmjphoenix at Kaze Progressa

Matchday 9
Snub Nose 38 at Fmjphoenix

Matchday 10
Fmjphoenix at Qia

Matchday 11
The Eagles Nest at Fmjphoenix

Matchday 12
Fmjphoenix at Krytenia

Matchday 13
Spurland at Fmjphoenix

Matchday 14
Ashibot at Fmjphoenix

All of Team FMJPhoenix's home games will be played at Viking Arena in Vanguard, FMJPhoenix. Seeting capacity is 52,380 not including press boxes and luxury suites. Also, the team is developing new jerseys in celebration of entry into the World Cup. Although design has not been completed, the colors have been decided as Green and White with the possibility of some Orange. Stay connected for information of the jerseys when they are completed.

Chaos, can we expect something else in the headquarter of the ASR? The organisation, which is rumoured to secretly run the country is always in a state of chaos which makes it impossible for virtually everyone to understand what is happening how and why. Once a consultant was engaged for strategies to improve the efficiency of the ASR. He left running and screaming like he lost his mind - after only 3 minutes. However, sometimes the ASR becomes chaotic enough to make its normal state look like a strictly organized enterprise: We know that that is the moment of the group draw. Elin Ri was in the building to report about the group draw, however he was not able to do this due to the extremely high background noise.

Later when Elin Ri was clean and sober again (the group draw is used to get drunk by enough ASR-officials. Originally as 'drowning the problem how in the name of the almighty Bob the Orange-Blues can qualify from that slani group') he described the reactions to the teams in group 8:

Rejistania: ASR-officials shouted: "Finally!" others chanted the "xamjona tekne" song, something like the unofficial rejistani national anthem.
Commerce Heights: "Booo, capitaliZts!" was the main reaction. ASR officials planned to schedule the home match to Alte'tan kali in Communist Rejistania (a small and idealistic group of Rejistanis established a communist state on an before uninhabitat island). We do not know if that is a serious idea.
Lovisa: "5-0!!" Need I say more (for non rejistanis: The Orange-Blues defeated Lovisa 5:0 in the WC16)
Sarzonia: Suddently the mood dropped like Sike kaletri in the league table. Sarzonia is known for their doping with RP-in. This substance is not illegal but seriously affects team performance.
Northbank: for some reason, this nation was considered to be highly capitaliZt, maybe because the name 'bank' in their name. However more was not known about them.
Liechtenistan: Teke Daran expects Liechtenistan to be the surprise team in this qualifiers, he could not explain why or if it was a positive or negative surprise.
Spalatium and Legalese: The ASR reacted by many references to Ravea. However Teke Daran silenced them by a simple: "There are no easy opponents anymore!"

Predictions

Rejistania
Sarzonia
Commerce Heights
Lovisa
Liechtenistan
Northbank
Spalatium
Legalese


Commerce Heights
Lovisa
Sarzonia
Northbank
Liechtenistan
Spalatium
Legalese
Rejistania


Sarzonia
Rejistania
Commerce Heights
Liechtenistan
Northbank
Spalatium
Legalese


*according to their own advertising, they provide serious and unbiased information. According to anyone who knows anything about sports, they are the first to be lined at the wall when the revolution will come.

OOC: Somalialand, two of your posts in the Discusion Thread have been reported to the moderators for moderate flaming. They have been deleted, AFAIK. Oh, and, you don't have the right to call me 'LE'. Cheers.

IC: Liverpool England Drawn in Group 10 - Starblaydia Pointed Out As Toughest Challenge

The Philosophers were drawn in Group 10 yesterday. Paul Dussis, who was at the draw, spoke about the group and the team's chances. "Well, it's a tough group, we've drawn Starblaydia and Aquiliana, who both made the final eight last time around, and we know they're not walkovers. I suppose we'll qualify, given the easier task against the other teams, but I can only expect 4 points from 12 against these two teams - two draws each. We've also got Nova Brittanicus, The Evil Umpire might pose a slight difficulty, but easy to overcome. The other two are really relatively new to the Cup, so no problems there."

When asked for a final prediction, he told us,

1 Liverpool England
2 Starblaydia
3 Aquiliana
4 Nova Brittanicus
5 The Evil Umpire
6 Halfassedstates
7 The Latin Union
8 Sonova

TEN Placed in Group 4

New Faces; Old Faces Stand in Way of 6th Straight Cup

In a group of 8 where the top three go through with no worry about a one match playoff, the Strike Birds finds itself in a group that well, could be worse, could be better.

Group 4:
The Eagles Nest
Kaze Progressa
Krytenia
Snub Nose 38
Spurland
Qia
Fmjphoenix
Ashibot

While Qia, Fmlphoenix are relative unknowns, There stand 4 other teams that the Nest knows quite well. Fmjphoenix did have some marginal success in the Baptism of Fire tournament Qia and Ashibot are looking for that first big show to really prove themselves on the world stage. Unfortunately in this group, the cup tickets will come down to five teams, for they are just a bit too strong and too experienced.

So let's look at these teams?

The Nest is coming off a dismal offensive cup last, scoring only 31 goals, their lowest total since their first season as a international side. Hopefully Coach Aefnen has got his offense retooled and ready to roll.


Kaze Progressa is always a factor to deal with. These two teams are consistantly looked as favorites in most matches they play, and the two matches these two teams play will be pivotal to the outcome of this group. TEN has never played KP before in international matches.

Krytenia is a team on the rise, and reminds this writer of the Strike Birds, except their rise was a bit quicker than Krytenia's, but non the less a team to watch out for. The Birds have a 1-0-0 record, winning that match 3-2 during Group F play in World Cup XVI.

Ahh, the Hooligans. What a team. What a cheerleader line...you know, if I could have just 20 minutes with them I'd........anyway, I digress. SN38 is coming off a dismal show last cup, especiallyin the aftermath of what can be called major renovations of well, their soccer field and their FA's offices. The Birds hold a 1-1-0 record against SN38, both matches coming in last cup's qualifying games. The first match in SN38, was a 2-2 tie, with the home match going to the Birds 2-0.

Spurland. The only team in this cup that currently has a win agains tthe Birds, but then again, that will probably change as only once has the Birds went through the qualifying stage undefeated. Spurland won the last game in WCXVI group play after the Nest had clinched a berth in the finals. The Nest won 5-0 in the first meeting.

So where do we think this cup will go? We are pretty confident that both TEN and KP will qualify, leaving three teams to fight it out for the last spot. Normally, SN38's experience would be a deciding factor, but with the radical changes that have happened over the last 8 years, I truly think it is a toss up between the Hooligans and Krytenia to get that 3rd spot. so I like a little controversy then and pick Spurland to get it.

There's got to be a surprise qualifier somewhere....why not group 4.

Matchday 1: The Eagle's Nest vs. Ashibot
Matchday 2: The Eagle's Nest @ Krytenia
Matchday 3: The Eagle's Nest vs. Spurland
Matchday 4: The Eagle's Nest @ Fmjphoenix
Matchday 5: The Eagle's Nest vs. Kaze Progressa
Matchday 6: The Eagle's Nest @ Snub Nose 38
Matchday 7: The Eagle's Nest vs. Qia
-----------------------------------------------------
Matchday 8: The Eagle's Nest @ Ashibot
Matchday 9: The Eagle's Nest vs. Krytenia
Matchday 10: The Eagle's Nest @ Spurland
Matchday 11: The Eagle's Nest vs. Fmjphoenix
Matchday 12: The Eagle's Nest @ Kaze Progressa
Matchday 13: The Eagle's Nest vs. Snub Nose 38
Matchday 14: The Eagle's Nest @ Qia

----For Immediate Release----
Legalese Announces Starting Lineup for Trip to Rejistania
Legalese Soccer House, Francis Town, Legalese

Manager Robbie Heard announced the starting eleven for Legalese's opening match against the Orange-Blues of Rejistania. Legalese shall be leaving for Rejistania shortly, in preparation for matchday 1 of the World Cup Qualifying.

Comments by Heard:
On the first opponent, Rejistania: "The Orange-Blues are a strong and well respected club. We have realistic expectations of the result, but will give them our best."

On Qualifying in general: "This being our first time, we know that the road to Eauz/Bedistan will not be an easy one. Our trip to Vilita for the Baptism of Fire was a sign of that. That said, I'm confident that we will put up a good fight, and will not come home disappointed."

Also fielding questions was Miguel Carnejalo, the Executive Director of the LAFC. Comments included:

On the Legalese MNT: "These boys have worked very hard for this chance. We look forward to beginning the qualification process, and hope to continue playing after Qualification."

On the state of soccer in Legalese: "The game is growing here in Legalese. As we start to build full-size parks around the nation, we know that the Legalites will come out, to cheer on our favorite footballers. We are especially looking forward to opening up Legalese National here in my backyard."

And now, the lineup for Matchday 1, against Rejistania. Legalese will be using the 4-5-1 formation:
1 Tommy Walters G
6 Jack Wigginson SW
4 Frederick Francis LB
3 Phil Templar CB
5 Michael Watson RB
15 Robbie Kristhofer LDM
20 Oliver Rodd RDM
13 Kris Trewands LWM
10 Carlos Manachev CM
23 Yakov Niedermeyer RWM
9 Jonny Lambert CS

OOC: Somalialand, two of your posts in the Discusion Thread have been reported to the moderators for moderate flaming. They have been deleted, AFAIK. Oh, and, you don't have the right to call me 'LE'. Cheers.

[This post is serious as serious can be]

LE, I do not want to talk to you or anything to do with you,

You simply reported a post that i made as to show my joking on your bad posting and you report me to the mods?

I do not understand you at all, i simply do not want to talk to you or post anything about you since you have lost your sportsmanship, No player can no longer post anything without the fear of being reported by liverpool england, there is nothing wrong with that unless if what they reported is a puplic joke,I even used a smiling simile to show it was a joke on the bottom

LE, this is my last time of posting against you, you have completely lost my respect, I want to read your post but that is about it, I want you you to do the same and stop replying to me posts

I am not mad that you reported the post, i am mad because you took a simple and just a joking post into a serious level and reported it as if i have used a bad word,

I do not want to loose membership ad be banned from this great forum we have, so i have decided as a person to never ever talk to you or post anything about you in my post unless its neccesary

LE, I wish you can do the same and completely ignore me as i ignore you

http://www.nationstates.net/images/flags/uploads/kylaai.jpgThe Reformed Islands of Kylaai

Kylaai are not yet ready for the World Cup! Kylaai are busy! Kylaai have a Cup of Harmony Final to play yet! What is this blasphemy! Are Kylaai subject to such a disadvantage to play a competition Final on the same day as World Cup Qualifying! It is alright, Kylaai are tough and Max will be strong.

Lineup

Goalkeeper: Mandoo Nania
Defenders: Lital Tirar, Hito Burrito, Vito Frito, Max
Midfielders: Rising Sun, Macala Moria, Tennence Fleiam, Norada-Fell
Attackers: Mazu Kazu, Vlanti Vimorta

State of Football In Melmond
We Have Hit the Big Time
By Henry Kalangalangalang of the Melmond City Herald for the NationStates Football World

What a difference a span of four years makes. Four years ago, Melmond was “futility present.” A team that tried very hard, had good talent, but was able to do nothing with it. They were coming off yet another heartbreak of missing their first ever World Cup. They fired their manager Gerry Cheevers, got rid of the Under-a-Cheevers moniker and went with Disappointments when David Bixler was named manager. The national team wore those drab white and loser red jerseys. Gosh so many unpleasant memories back then.
But baby look at the Melmond National Team now, ranked 13th in the world in the latest KPB rankings! Manager David Bixler installed a sense of urgency and togetherness not seen in prior sides. The physical style taught by Bixler added in a psychological edge the Melmond National Team needed as they got in the other teams heads. Sure, there was your hiccups during qualifying, such as losing to hated Oaker twice and losing to minnows Qia at home, but great promise was demonstrated as Melmond outclassed the defending world champions at the time, Eauz, 3-nil in Zuka. There was to be no drama, as Melmond qualified outright without any need for playoffs. The Disappointment name was out and the Fearless Farmers returned, with the old white and loser red out and the glorious green and white kits returning,
The group stage was rather difficult, but the Fearless Farmers were up to the challenge. After a 1-1 tie to a tough Commerce Heights side, Melmond dominated over Dennisov 2-nil, which gave them enough breathing room to the point where the following loss to host side Kaze Progressa didn’t hurt at all. Melmond advanced to the knockout round, in which they beat long time friendly rival Svecia and another upstart in Starblaydia only to be knocked out in the semi-final in a match against eventual champion Rejistania, a game which the Fearless Farmers could have won if a couple things went their way. However, they were not completely knocked out, as Liverpool England lied ahead in the third place match and a chance to permanently leave Melmond’s mark on the World Cup history books. Melmond gave up more goals in that World Cup match than it had in any other World Cup match, three. However, Melmond scored four goals and got third place in their first every World Cup! The whole team was treated like heroes as there were parades across the nation in honour of the Fearless Farmers. They did a thank you tour across the nation.
The success of the national team overshadowed the moderate success of the Melmond Premier League, which still has the reputation for being one of the best leagues in the world now and has expanded to two more sides as well as the failed World Cup 18 bid with NEWI Cefn Druids. Why worry about that when Melmond has made its permanent mark on NationStates footballing history with the third place finish? Let us look ahead.
The sixth edition of the Melmond National Team is probably the oldest, most veteran team yet as some players who have reached forty years old have refused to quit, but have been okay with backup roles. Some of the younger talent is really starting to take hold of the team. We fully expect veterans like goalkeeper Snhp Xtfuinxm, captain Jonsi Torrini, and midfielder Critandi Unne to lead the way, but look for greater contributions from defenders Veronica Dean, Charles Unne, Trav Strachan; midfielders Alfred Smith, Jake Cormier, Peeko Noodleschalusen, and striker Tim Remans. There were few retirements from the side, with notables being perennial starting midfielder Cristina Antunez, fellow midfielder Fwynj Otsjx, and goalkeeper Gina Unne announcing their exit from international play, and Antunez and Gina Unne from football proper. Another disappointing thing was that it was announced that Brazillican midfielder and Lee Grays player Rafiki Torres was not going to seek Melmondian citizenship after hearing that Brazillico has been spotted in the region of Lazarus, holding out hope that the Chili Bats will return. Manager David Bixler doesn’t fear, as he appointed Lee Grays midfielder Scott St. Clair a spot on the team. This isn’t surprising as many experts compare St. Clair to David Bixler in his playing days himself. Either way, the expectations are high on this side, but expect a more free-wheeling and fun attitude about football from the Fearless Farmers and the faithful.

<snip>

Okay, you've got my word. But, can you do me just one favour? Please stop assuming because you did well in the BoF, you'll do just as well in the World Cup. That is the point I've been trying to get across.

Okay, you've got my word. But, can you do me just one favour? Please stop assuming because you did well in the BoF, you'll do just as well in the World Cup. That is the point I've been trying to get across.

Just to point a finger at Historical Accuracy, said team (Somalialand) was winless in the group stage and failed to qualify for the second round with Two draws and a Loss.

Hardly even "Well"

ASNN - Stars drawn in group with old rival; arrogant n00b

GRAHAM CITY, SCOTLAND - The group draw was a rather tense procedure, especially for those in The Lowland Clans, who are especially hungry for a World Cup. After the fluke victory of Starblaydia four years ago, many wondered if the Stars were destined to sit and twidle their thumbs in a permanent 'almost somethings' state. Offensive manager Terry Fleury was assigned manager to change that, and he looks as if he and his team are ready to do that. In a pre-draw press conference, the managerial staff offered this outlook on the World Cup: "Listen, we've come this close to success dozens of times before. This time will be no different. Often times, our results are simply the results of better teams, bad luck, or Margaret."

Rumors have been flying about Lester Preston's, defensive manager, disgruntled-ness (if that's even a word) at not being selected head manager. He had been the favorite coming into the selection contest, having four World Cups' experience in international football. But the people at the ASFA disagreed with him, and sent manager Terry Fleury, with little international playing experience, but has been coaching various international squads for his entire career. They both have denied any such hardships, and Preston has been quoted as saying: "He was my coach for God's sakes, we almost grew up together! Now, lets quit with this bollocks and get on with the World Cup, shall we?" New offensive manager Jason McGill echoed those statements, saying: "Anyone who tells you we've been having difficulty with our team needs to shove it."

After the draw, many in the ASFA were conversing in quiet tones, as rumors of a Vilitan bribing scandal from WC16 resurfaced, but Lord Mackintosh, head of the ASFA, stated that these rumors were nothing more than that. "The Vilitan side has matured greatly since twelve years ago, they are now better and bigger, and they don't need the wins to overinflate their ego." But he had harsher words for upstarts Somalialand, calling them arrogant and 'down right dumb.' "To think that they have any chance at all of playing seriously in this group, they can shove it right up their overinflated asses." Rumors had it that the ASLCAF (Allied States of the Lowland Clans Armed Forces) would support any and all attempts by Vilita to launch an invasion of Somalialand.

ASFA officials were generally all around pleased with the draw, mentioning that they had a rather easy first coupld of games, a good warmup for when they encounter the most hated team since the Aquillans, LYKAIA. After being drawn in their group again, rumors have it that ASFA officials have raised ticket prices slightly and called in Orbital Paratroopers to provide security for the game. "As much as we would like to kill them ourselves, it wouldn't be good for the PR" one official stated. Slightly later than anticipated though, ASFA did release a group prediction, along with analysis of the teams and their places in the groups.

ASFA PRESS RELEASE: GROUP PREDICTION AND ANALYSIS
Classification Level: Declassified

Vilita
Old Rivals from the days before the Fall, they have improved much since then, and it will be tough for us to defeat them. Watch for a good performance against their younger clones, Somalialand. That game should be a match to watch. Predicted to finish first, or second if the Stars can beat them once.
ASFA Prediction - 1st
ASNN Prediction - 1st
Pontoon' Perry's Prediction - 2nd

The Lowland Clans
This team, though not what it once was, is looking to come back after a disasterous WC16. With a new manager and a squad desparate to get something out of an international competition, these guys look to be a dangerous bunch. If they can ebat Vilita once, then look for them to carry the group.
ASFA Prediction - 2nd
ASNN Prediction - 2nd
Pontoon Perry's Prediction - 1st

One Red Dot
One of the Old Guard of the World Footballing Community, they have fallen out of grace with Margaret in recent years. Though unlikely to do terribly well here in qualifying, their threat cannot be underestimated. If one thing us at ASFA have learned, it's not to ignore anyone. Look for them to make a potential comeback if things go well for them.
ASFA Prediction - 3rd
ASNN Prediction - 4th
Pontoon Perry's Prediction - 3rd

Lykaia
The most hated squad since the advent of the Aquillans, also the luckiest side since their FA chief had an affair with Margaret last cup. Their luck seems to have run dry, since their chief was got in a rather awkward position with one of his interns. Poor soul, but not really. These guys aren't going anywhere.
ASFA Prediction - 7th
ASNN Prediction - 8th
Pontoon Perry's Prediction - 7th

Kylaai
Perhaps the most boring team to watch in the group. Drab uniforms, drab play, heck, even drab nude beaches! These guys are perhaps the worst team here, despite their success in the TLC/Rejistania hosted Cup of Harmony. Don't expect them to get anywhere in this cup.
ASFA Prediction - 8th
ASNN Prediction - 7th
Pontoon Perry's Prediction - 8th

Maserrat
With their victory in the Baptism of Fire, look for them to be the dark horse in the group. though talent wise these guys can't hold a candle to us and the Vilitans, but they've been known to pull out some amazing wins out of their hats. Watch for them to nip at ORDs heels for the 3rd qualifying spot.
ASFA Prediction - 4th
ASNN Prediction - 3rd
Pontoon Perry's Prediction - 4th

Maldunia
These guys won't be going anywhere. While we want to place them ahead of the n00bs Somalialand, these guys look like they couldn't hurt a fly. Maybe in a couple of cups, they might just win, but I doubt it. Look for them to be thoroughly drab.
ASFA Prediction - 6th
ASNN Prediction - 6th
Pontoon Perry's Prediction - 6th

Somalialand
Loud mouth n00bs. The only reason they aren't finishing last is the presence of three other sucky teams in the group. They might not even be a country by the end of qualifying, with threats of military action against their government being leveled by both Vilita and The Allied States.
ASFA Prediction - 5th
ASNN Prediction - 5th
Pontoon Perry's Prediction - 5th

They might not even be a country by the end of qualifying, with threats of military action against their government being leveled by both Vilita and The Allied States.

LOL - you missed me out :P

Okay, you've got my word.

LOL - you missed me out :P

((*stops watch* An hour twenty for LE to break his word!))

OOC: Okay, the second statement was made jokingly. Now, we'd better stop cluttering the RP thread with OOC bits. Really.

(Actual match day Rbing, the one that will be counted)

Team in Vilita, Matchday 1 Today
By Somalialand press services

The best to ever come out of Somalialand arrvied todday on vilitn grounds ready to fight on, The team came fully with everything they needed including junks of water amid allegation that vilitans were willing to cut water from the team lodge,

The vilitan crowd were divided over the issue of somalialand, some hostile against and some cheering us on, the vilitan island the capital city of the tropical paradise that is vilitan was shoked by the arrival of the team and how prepared they came

"Let me put it this way" said one man " somalialand came prepared as one readies for a battle, they brought everthing they wanted and needed" he added

The team even Brought Extensive medical staff, Island gear and almost every thing you could thing of and more, "its like they came to move here" said one vilitan on the street

Somalialand has been given bad review and most nations are stating to be anoyed by a legitimate team, its like 50 cent said " You can try to bring me down by you will fail" 50 cent is a highly reckonized, multi platinum artist in here

Somalialand also brought body gurds to protect every staff memebr on the team and more, the small vehicles are gun and Blast proof, the big cars are also blast proof, The actual bus they will take to the stadium in vilita is also blast proof


The SFF has Recently put or even in some casses banned all Football goods from LE, "a country which we do not know" said one Official

The team has showed alot of data to analsyt and other sport listeners around somalialand, The SFF also handed out video's showing team practices and other team materials, The team wanted to be as glass as it can be said one team official, When asked what do you mean he swiftly replied, " we just wanted to open minded towards the puplic, so we can get the full support of the puplic"

Cheers and boing at the Airport

The team arrvied at the grand airport in vilita approximently 12 hours ago, they come on the Somalialnd charter planes which was paid for the rock group "limp hills".

When they team got off the plane they immidiatley orginazed and were in tight formations to prevent vilitans breaking them apart,

When the team landed they took very possotion they had out and put in a blast proof bus which were surrounded with body guards and blast proof trucks and SUV's

Then the team arrived t Vilita Grand Hotel approxiamently 3 hours after they landed, Eah player and staff memebr had his own room and one meeting are was devised on the lobby

The team met in the lobby for grand meeting with everyonbe who landed with the team.

The managers and other officials heavily discussed the security and where the players were allowed to go and where they players were not allowed to go.

The team even talked about fire drills and what to do in the event of an emergency or anything like that.

On the actual Airport lobby the team was greated with booing fans and cheering fans, once the team landed on gate 8b, they immidiatly were thrown with pies and other food items but the opposing crowd who actually supported the team started to throw pies at the oppsing crowd, the crowds were later dispersed by viliatn authorities

The team has announced it will leave vilita as soon s they can get to the airport after the match.

Matchday One

Viliatn Goalkeepers:

All four viliatn goalkeepers are threatning and impressive, the sff will give credit were credit is due, Jimmy kater is impressive in that he is young and fast on his feets, he is just a 25 year old and like old 25 year old's he could make the some of that youngish mistakes, On the other hand there Bryan 'pop' duiker who ahs proven himself worthy of internationl compitation, he also the starter of the impressive vilitan club of Yeaddin Owls AFC ,
The other tw goalkeepers have lost touch and fame, they have dragged on the international seem this days, they are old and lost complete control of their game, we dont even know why they picked such a foul players

Vilitan Defenders:

The vilitan hard side is their defenders, they are very hard to pass but most seem unqualified for international play since they are so young, Unlike the goalkeepers, expect them to make alot of mistakes as group, The best player on the defenders of the vilitans is one of viliatns most known person in vilita, Esemar Aliana, Esemar is impressive, fast and reliable for his team, the last world cup ese,ar real come in for his team but it seemed he failed in his challange to bring up the team his team got harmed latter on the tournemnet.

The vilitans also have impressive plaer on the position of defensive mids, as in defenders who played int the midfield, they are fast players but they do not sem worthy of a team like somalialand, of course they should know how somalialand are on the field, lethal and fast.

Other Positions:

The rest of the vilitan team is actually comprised of forwards who play like they are in a club game, they foul alot and seem eager to win, we do not know how this will effect them today in the forst match of the games.

Somalialand Against The Vilitans:

This year the team is lead by higly seccesful manager who is eager to prove himself on the world cup, Mr Mohamed Furer is highly seccesful on his club team, the Mogidishu FC,

the Mogidishu FC became the champions of the team wins Somalialand cup,


Defenders:

The somalialand defenders this year are filled with high talent and pure professionals, The defenders are headed by the best player of the year here in mogidishu Ahmed Gali, Ahmed gali was virtually unknown out side of somalialand but he proved every crtic he had wrong on that game against the novans, the team is ready to bust themselves out and become champions he yelled in his small red car, the defenders are topped with icing when they heard that the Hargaisa FC star jamac muse is going to participating as one of the Defenders, there is also the lethal Furmuse on the lineup, furmuse got the tastye of success in the BoF

Midfilders:

The midfilders have come to play and to show the world that they can be dominant, it virtually the most dominat midfilders ever assembled in Somalialand qualyfying team,

The Midfilders is headed by the great Sumaye Musmuq who showed he is still the star midfilder in somalialnd after the games of the BoF, Musmuq is also a higly respected leader in his communty and he donates his money to charities and the things he see's important to the growth of the federation, his last donation was to the AIDS FUND IN SOMALIALND, he donated approximently 5 million dollars and said he will donate a weeks pay if one person decided to do the same, The other anticpauted players are the recently back player Mohamud ahmed, who showed a high and powerful joint int tests, Mohamud ahmed was injured on a traffic accident, The other players to anticipate is Muse Murama who showed a his sportsmanship in the last BoF.

Strikers and Forwards

The strikers are led by the highly acclaimed and now famous master of football, Ahmed Luure is plaing this year and wants to emerge himself as the great bear to the world cup, Ahmed has not even stopped training since 3 months ago, when asked why he trains so hard, the oonly thing that came to his mind was " to top the group in the worldcup" Ahmed is also an acclaimed actor, he won an award for his film "Monkeys see, monkey do"

The other players who will be the greatest threats to the defence build up by vilita are Mohamed gaddi, who recently cmae from the subs and ramye rumaye, They both have showed need for the game and have been trining with the player they have admired for most of their lifes, Ahmed LUURE, Ahmed luure wants to guide thewm o a victory and they accepted him as their leading player said one analyst for the Sports center T.v show


Goal keepers: The world has not seen us said Mohamud muure, the starting goalkeeper in the team, ahmed has show dedication to the team and dedication to this spot, The waitnng goalkeeper if the untthinkable happens is ramle Mohamed, who wanted to be a starter before Muure won the job, the only thing that muure doesnot want is to loose said ramle and so do i, but he seems to be the best gaolkeeper and like the managers i agree he should start said ramle

SFF On Other Teams:

Vilita: The vilitans have been agressive and determined this year, they showed they want to hang on, the quastion now is did they doa good job enough on coming to the world cup qualyfiers with a solidd team, and how will they keep up if, that is if they get left behind

The Lowland Clans: "The Lowland clans are bunch sisies" said one spectator, who was amazed that after somaliland treated the lowlands so well, the lowlands strated accusing and naming names, and bad mouthin the somalians, The team its self is good and is predicted be #1 or @ depending on where somalialnd lands, their squad is hard and like all the players they have enough flaws to get through them

One Red Dot: The reds have no past exprience with nad if they continue like this they will suffer great humilation, the reds are fine and are predicted to beat some nations but they will ultimetely fail on their chance to compete in this world cup

Lykaia: Lykaia's are very respectful people in general, their leadershave capacity for passion but their team is filled with flaws and they are not expected to make it to the world cup, they will properly loose the first game

Kylaai: the kylaai's are known for their happy go by sprit and they are mor known for their surpirse in the harmony cup, they were included in the worlds best comeback teams after the harmony cup, at this point hey ar in the cup finals and are expected to loose to snubs, there chances here are slime but at least there is something there

Maserrat: the maserratian players were accusing and inflaming the somalialand team yesterday, they are expected to play hard,but their lack of great defense will ultimetely come to hurt them, Somalialand is also expected to win both matches against them, they did good in the BoF, but will they repeat their success there or was the BoF a fluke and chance

Maldunia: the maldunas are hasrh and are same at home, their winter cold ice is very dangerous and they live on high mountains, their players are good and their team is good, but the quastion here will be will they make it
to the group finals

Somalialand: That is us, the somalis seem to like the position of under dog, they have been planing this kind of start ever since we have been reading the 10 world cup, we have been reading and we knew every nation tot he bone when we came in, so their decision to make us underdogs is very unplanned, the quastion to every nation now is will they be proved wrong on this matter.

Matches Today:

Today will be an interresting mingle of games, the first games are of course SOMALIALAND VS VILITA and then as the day rolls teams will go head to head, the best games are expected to be that of lowlands and somalialand vs vilita matches,

Ok here are the matches to day and our Prediction

Somalialand (away) vs Vilita (Home)

1:0 win over vilita,

The team will struggle here a little bit, but on ht elast moment one of somaliland players finds last ditch energy to get one in and make them somalialand steal the first match against vilita


The Lowland clans (Home) VS Maldunia (away)

3:0 lowland win over maldunia

Maldunia will try an upset but ultimately they will suffer hard against the offense that the lowlands have picked, i predict it will be 2:0 at the half and then the lowlands will add the last 1 goal after the half

One Red Dot (Home) VS Maserrat (away)

0:2 maserrat win over the reds

The reds will try to come hard on the maserrat's but their challange to the maserratans will fail, ultimetely the SFF predictes a maserrat win over the expected team of one red dot

lykaia (Home) VS kylaai (Away)

1:0 kylaai win over lykaia

The lykans will try to win this match hard but they will fail over the surprise of the harmonies, the kylaai's will try to bbe dominat but they wll fail on that either, making one goal diffrence at the End

*********************************************************
ladies and gentleman this is my last opinions of the First match day in the world cup qualifiers, we hope every one has good matchday post, remeber you are only allowed your first RB as the counting RB, which means if you wirite 20 stories or million stories you will still get the same first post grded as you rb

I also want to say that good luck to every nation in the compitation and good Rbing

For all those nations who have something against me, please do not go too personall,

thanks
Somalialand

OOC: Sorry Somalialand, just one point: It's RolePlaying, RP, not RB. :)

OOC: at least he's active :)

IC: Kaze Progressa are definitely expected to qualify from this group, with failure to do so almost certain to precipitate a change in manager. Hence there are few nerves at the prospect of meeting sides like Ashibot and Qia, though rumours are that Fmjphoenix are a side with potential and natural talent. At the top, Snub Nose 38 will probably battle it out with Krytenia for the third spot with The Eagles Nest the side most likely to deny the Progressans top spot in the group. The Progressans have never had anything to play for on the last day of a qualifying group; they should make it to Bedistan and Eauz with time to spare too.

GetLucky presents... The Betting Update

Sani Luvo, Progressan teenage wonderkid who scored three goals in the World Cup 17 finals including both in the glorious 2-1 defeat of Commerce Heights, is 7/4 to be top scorer in the qualifying group, and 11/10 to be the top Progressan scorer. Eauz are already 6/1 to win what would be an unprecedented third World Cup, with Bedistan 10/1 to win their first; Rejistania are at 12/1 to defend their title while all other contenders are 16/1 or longer (Kaze Progressa are 25/1). The odds for Eauz and Bedistan have been heavily backed down by conspiracy theorists who believe in the powers of fixing, with three separate bets of over K100,000 on an Eauz-Bedistan final (backed down from 50/1 to 33/1). If this happens, over K25m would have to be paid out on those bets alone; GetLucky conservatively estimate K100m of losses from such a final once other bets are taken into account.

http://www.nationstates.net/images/flags/uploads/kylaai.jpgThe Reformed Islands of Kylaai

Kylaai are not yet ready for the World Cup! Kylaai are busy! Kylaai have a Cup of Harmony Final to play yet! What is this blasphemy! Are Kylaai subject to such a disadvantage to play a competition Final on the same day as World Cup Qualifying! It is alright, Kylaai are tough and Max will be strong.

Lineup

Goalkeeper: Mandoo Nania
Defenders: Lital Tirar, Hito Burrito, Vito Frito, Max
Midfielders: Rising Sun, Macala Moria, Tennence Fleiam, Norada-Fell
Attackers: Mazu Kazu, Vlanti VimortaIn the spirit of sportsmanship, the Minister of Athletics, Olympics, and Alcoholic Beverages sends a brief telegram to the Kylaaian (sp?) Athletic Supporters.

"Kylaai (stop) We are in the same boat (stop) So to speak (stop) Snub Nose 38 will share our "Oglethorpian Time Travel Technology" with Kylaai should it become necessary to (stop) That is if two matches are scheduled on the same day (stop) We'll actually play the Harmony Cup Finals the day before we play it (stop) I think (stop) Or maybe last century (stop) Whatever (stop)"

FS: This is Frejdriych Schmitt reporting live from a hospital bed being taken by ambulance to Maserrat's away fixture against ORD. I'm fine - apparently I'll be able to walk in again in a year or so. Luckily Bill's here to do all the leg-work, eh, Bill?

Bill (off camera): Sure, Frejd.

FS: Good. Anyway, what team are Maserrat going to play today? Poskit Karpova just released the team sheet, and I've got it here on my laptop (I've got a laptop, don't you know), see?

*Zoom in on laptop screen*

GK Grady Waskowiec * (Rakasta Trespor)
DF Yuri Olkirov * (Trone Poskit)
DF Hughte Jesrew * (Husov Hamam)
DF Asamy Vergo * (Rakasta Trespor)
DF Poiana Zchefqi * (Rakasta Trespor)
MF Ferevarco Ferenitzin * (Trone Poskit)
MF Borle Xantoi (c) * (Rakasta Trespor)
MF Zaqery Poskilka * (Trone Poskit)
MF Gyrokli Haman * (Placeia-Koskov FC)
ST Qostaze Ubuloy * (Rakasta Trespor)
ST Odisema Catreman * (Eammib Hamam)

Subs
GK Gresty Poljif (Trone Poskit)
DF Kornikr Fadisha (Placeia-Koskov FC)
MF Ramakab Ytra (Eammib Hamam)
MF Boronitzin Xavi (Sumne Sumni)
ST Kasper Hoglund (Old Bavahians)


FS: So, that's the team, but how are they expected to do today? We have predicted One Red Dot to finish in the top three, but today will perhaps see Maserrat sneak a draw. Away from home Maserrat tend to be a lot stronger, and the strong offensiveness of the teams could lead this to be a high scoring match. We predict a 3-3 draw here. How about the other matches:

Somalialand 0-4 Vilita (if the Africans spent as much time training up as they do slagging off everybody, they'd be one of the best in the world by now)

Lowland Clans 3-1 Maldunia (no chance for Maldunai here - in way over their heads)

Lykaia 1-1 Kylaai (will probably play for draw, seeing as they are practically one and the same)

FS: So, that's our predictions - see how things go later today. This is Frejdriych Scmitt signi - AAAAAGGHH, WATCH THE SPEED BUMPS!

Originally Posted by SOMALIALAND
Ladies called Margaret must be praised at all times
Or exiled from the pitch/stadium/nation/plane of existence. Whichever is easier and most appropriate at the time.

I have never said that, what a joke, and please stop bringing this kind of things into the rb field, try it on the discussion field
ALL: I screwed up. What I quoted was posted by STARBLAYDIA - not Somalialand - but as Star says in the discussion thread, I can't p'n'c to save my life. And I quoted it because I liked it.

Somalialand - SORRY. Did not mean to cause you any trouble.

So...

can we stop bitchin' at each other, and get on with the serious business of having some fun playing this game?

- Check again, Eileen.
- Ben, I've gone over the list of WC XVIII sides at least a dozen times. They're not there.
- They've got to be there.
- Well, they're not.
- Check again.
- Ben, for the umpteenth time, the Tanah Burung Crocs are not participating in World Cup Eighteen.
- ...But, what am I going to do with all these raspberries?

Star-Tribune to Hooligans: Quit Yer Crocodile Tears!
Unfortunately, no article was ever produced for this headline as the writers were much too pleased with their cleverness and went to bed at once in celebration.

(OOC: Oh man. I want to play Somalialand just to see the match sheet beforehand.)

Falcons Prepared for World Cup Qualifying

CÄRNIRÄSSE -- Well, here we are at last - the first matchday of the World Cup Qualifiers! The Aquiliana Falcons, after quite an unexpected and amazing run four years ago, are now perceived by many to be among the top 30 nations in the world. Tonight, they'll be playing right here at Cärnirässe National Stadium against Nova Brittanicus, the Starblaydian colony looking to earn its own honor on the international stage.

But before we get to that, we're breaking down Group 10 in its entirety:


Liverpool England - Many Aquilian players celebrated when they were drawn into the Liverpoolites' group. 4 years ago, they suffered an embarrassing 5-1 loss against this team, and only managed a 2-2 draw the second time around. The revamped lineup will be very excited to take this team on.

Starblaydia - The Rayzors have always been an Aquilian fan favorite, since before the Falcons played internationally. Many Aquilian players were on the U21 team that was recently defeated by Starblaydia 1-0, and will be looking for revenge. Expect great amounts of supporters from both sides at these 2 matches, expected to be 2 of the most intense, exciting, and evenly matched games of the Qualifiers.

Halfassedstates - Unfortunately, beyond the top 3 teams there isn't a whole lot of talent in this group. The Halfassedstates have a decent chance at qualifying, but they'll have a very tough time against the 3 elite teams at the top. If they can do well against the lower teams, though, they might have a good chance.

The Evil Umpire - Not much is known about this team, which has fallen into the middle-of-the-rankings silence that envelops so many teams. Expect them to try their best but ultimately come out below their own expectations.

Nova Brittanicus - The former Starblaydian colony, with a much lesser amount of territory than their predecessors, consequently doesn't quite have enough citizens to get 11 world-class athletes out at the same time. They should come out just short of 4th place, but that's really about as far as they'll go this year.

The Latin Union - Did fairly well in the Baptism of Fire, but not well enough to merit consideration. If they get lucky, they'll come out next time with a higher chance of going through, but there isn't much hope this year.

Sonova - Unranked teams don't qualify. That's just the way things are. Sad really.


The Gameday Report

Well, tonight the Falcons open the World Cup at home against the low-ranked Nova Brittanicus. This match will mainly function as a test of the team's new 4-3-3 formation, designed to put away the opponent early. The general tactic this year will be to shift back into a 4-4-2 after a lead is opened up, to provide more defense but to also be able to attack. However, this match will probably be played entirely in the 4-3-3. If no goals are conceded, then the midfielders should have played well enough defensively to continue using this formation throughout the tournament. If not, then tactical changes may be required.

Of course, there's always a risk of looking past your opponent - which is why the team's performance in World Cup 17 is so crucial for this year. The team's philosophy, as they continually knocked off high-ranked squads, was "One game at a time" - crucial for any team to remember. The Navy-Blues are capable of knocking off any opponent, which is why it's necessary to play the 4-3-3 in this game. If they can't beat this team with it, they can't beat anyone.

The tiny island of Cärnirässe, located in the middle of Sinos Bay, is a semi-active volcano, which periodically emits trickles of lava down its northern slope. The crater is shaped in a way that the southern part of the island, barring a completely unprecedented catastrophe, is safe from any lava flows, and so this side is where all settlements are located, including the stadium. Expect the ball to go farther and shots to be harder in the thinner air, but players will, of course, become tired more quickly.

Predictions:

Drew - Aquiliana 3-0
Mitch - Aquiliana 2-0
Curt - Aquiliana 3-1


MATCH SCHEDULE

MD1: Aquiliana vs. Nova Brittanicus (Cärnirässe National, AC Igneas)
MD2: Aquiliana vs. Liverpool England (Belua Memorial Field, Nidola FC)
MD3: Aquiliana vs. Sonova (Doma Artola, Farca City)
MD4: The Evil Umpire vs. Aquiliana
MD5: Aquiliana vs. The Latin Union (Vivarium Sciunti, Sciuntus FC)
MD6: Aquiliana vs. Starblaydia (Altissima National, Altissima)
MD7: Aquiliana vs. Halfassedstates (Inexpugna, Ubertas FC)
MD8: Nova Brittanicus vs. Aquiliana
MD9: Liverpool England vs. Aquiliana
MD10: Sonova vs. Aquiliana
MD11: Aquiliana vs. The Evil Umpire (Stadia Cuperta, Nova Malta FC)
MD12: The Latin Union vs. Aquiliana
MD13: Starblaydia vs. Aquiliana (Hallad City Stadium, Hallad Reavers)
MD14: Halfassedstates vs. Aquiliana

(OOC: Oh man. I want to play Somalialand just to see the match sheet beforehand.)

What do you mean by that, if you could answer this on the discussion board, it will be helpful to the rest

What do you mean by that, if you could answer this on the discussion board, it will be helpful to the rest

He was actually complementing you on the quality of your RP's. However, if you post ONE MORE TIME on the RP thread like this, I will be submitting a formal appeal to the WCC to have you removed from the tournament. You have been told to stop already and the Discussion thread was created FOR YOU. USE IT OR GET OUT.

http://www.dirt-racing.com/3wide/sites/vilita/vn/tn/logo.gif

Eels Prepared for Next Level

----------------------------The Mauritus Banda led Turori Eels National Team are ready to step into their World Cup Qualifying group as favorites for passage through to the World Cup 18 Finals in Bedistan or Eauz. The Eels have been drawn in Group Two, along with some familiar and unfamiliar names. All Turorians will have memories of World Cup 16 Qualifying when Kingsford comes to town. Favorites to top the group, It was the 2-2 draw with Kingsford late in World Cup 16 qualifying that put the Eels into qualification position on the final match day. Although Turori won their final match, they lost out on Goal Differential to Wella, pushing their finals Debut back to World Cup 18. It was in World Cup 18 where the Eels found themselves deep outside the realms of qualification, before an Eystrck slip-up on the final match day, coupled with an historic Turori triumph over the infalleable Rejistania sent the Eels through to the World Cup Finals for the first time. Joining Kingsford & Eystrck as group Two Competitors will be former Cup of Harmony champions The Belmore Family, and relative new comers Castillanos, Eskrador and Vorpal Bunnies.

----------------------------Turori is set to field a relatively unchanged lineup for the finals, with only one change in the starting eleven. NEWI-Cefn Druids based Tika Poloni is replaced in midfield by Cedniavella Attacking Winger Mika Sakatorra. This opens up space on the substitutes bench for an out and out forward in the form of Jhanna United's Nikki Inostraza. Izzitra Bomai of Wunokalsa Waridi also moves to the subs bench as another mmidfield option, while 26 year old FC Almintora goalkeeper Rocky Rodwell is added as the 3rd goalkeeper on the travelling roster.

----------------------------After further analysis, The Eels will also be playing NEWI Cefn Druids, in a scintillating derby lineupt that will sure to bring in fans. However, All Turori home games take place in the first 7 Matchdays, with the exception of the match against Eystrck. A scheduling farse perhaps, but hopefully the Eels can accrue enough points in the first 7 matches to be safe for the downhill ride towards Bedistan and Eauz.

Turori Eels (4-4-2) ::
[GK] Milauo Slietah, [D] Linoi Niabula, [D] Marlian Hunial, [D] Martika Ecspo, [D]Kiatin Likao [M] Mika Sakatorra, [M] Malaino Mumamba, [M] Yabaiy Tbaiao, [M] Cuolia Tuirma, [F] Jualiar Vumaou, [F] Akamoari Liano
BENCH::
[GK] Jarod Dreka, [D] Maratima Tareak, [AM] Izzitra Bomai, [U] Ugo Doohan, [M] Rikko Ambama, [F] Kabaofo Iobabao [F] Nikki Inostraza

----------------------------------------
RESULTS AND OTHER INFORMATION
----------------------------------------

All Turori Home matches to be at:: Almintora National Stadium, Almintora, Turori (Unless Otherwise Noted)

Turori::[X-X]-Castillanos
Turori::[X-X]-NEWI Cefn Druids
Turori::[X-X]-Vorpal Bunnies
Turori::[X-X]@Eystrck
Turori::[X-X]-Eskrador
Turori::[X-X]-Kingsford
Turori::[X-X]-The Belmore Family
Turori::[X-X]@Castillanos
Turori::[X-X]@NEWI Cefn Druids
Turori::[X-X]@Vorpal Bunnies
Turori::[X-X]-Eystrck
Turori::[X-X]@Eskrador
Turori::[X-X]@Kingsford
Turori::[X-X]@The Belmore Family


--------------------------------------------------------------------
Ao1b(8 ............... OouYvaiVYaqkBWjwIIOB ............. 001092019726X9

Karpova Aiming High

Maserrat coach Poskit Karpova has set his team a target of 15 points for the World Cup Qualifying Group - the equivalent of 5 wins. Although this may not seem especially difficult, considering the newly-released world rankings, it seems to be a big mountain to conquer. Maserrat are seeded sixth in their group, ahead of only two teams: Maldunia and Somalialand. However, despite this fact, Karpova is confident that the team can reach his target.

"I have already pinpointed five games which I feel we are capable of winning, but I won't tell you what those are yet. If we play well, we will reach this points total. If we play to our full potential, we will exceed it. I am hoping that we can do the latter. If not, there is always next time, when we will come back bigger and stronger. Besides, if we don't get through in this tournament, we can always pin our hopes on the U21s [Ed - seeded ninth in the U21 rankings]."

The team, who are due to kick off against One Red Dot any time soon, are confident that they will live up to the manager's expectations, a view that in-form striker Qostaze Ubuloy was keen to put across:

"Nobody is giving us a hope of progressing. However, we feel that we can at least challenge the top three, if not be up there with them at the end of qualifying. People that have written us off before have usually been on the end of a beating soon after. Now, whilst I don't think we're going to thrash Vilita 5-0, we can still give ourselves a bit of respectability in the world, perhaps raise our ranking for the next tournament, and try again then."

A good indication of how things will end for the team will be the result against One Red Dot (seeded third in the group). A draw has been predicted, and whilst it's not three points, every little helps, as they say in Tesco.

Team Arrives At the Vilitan View Stadium
By Somalialand press service


http://www.dirt-racing.com/3wide/sites/vilita/vn/wc16/stads16.gif
Vilitan view stadium included among other stadiums



Somalialand Steps into The Gladiators Arena:


Impressive yelling, Shouting Un-imaginable yells and people doing all their best on breaking and loosing their voice, The Team Entered the a Stadium filled with Thousands of Vilitan and Somalialandian fans yelling against Each other

The last time we experienced this was in the Finals match in the BoF, the world cup must a loud place because we are filling ear losses said one spectator,


The doctors have Inspected and made every player ready for match, The match will start in Just few Hours but the Vilitan team seems they have lost track of the Day,

Match day #1 is going Good so far, Considering the heavy traffic Expected from the vilitans today, the vilitans have vowed to destroy us (In the game)
But so far they have not even grazed us, About 200+ security officers who traveling with the Football team have been put on a high alert to day, the government has also send 12 decisions of the SMP(Somalialand Military Police) Officers to go with the Players very where they go after assignation attempts were vowed by Hardcore Vilitan fans,

The SFF has immediately condemned the Actions of the Fans who vowed assassination attempts, "They are Ludicrous Bunch" said One High ranking Officer of the SFF,

The players were relaxed, topped with Foods and drinks (Non-alcohol), The Team wants to throw every Muscle it has on this vilitan team said the assistant Manager of the national team,

The lowlands have decided to help the vilitans if ever the vilitans took military action against us, But somalialand has searched and searched interacted government letters (Posts) but they could not find anyplace where vilita has announced it will send military to somalialand, "Militarily we will slow the vilitans, which we do not want" said an extremist somalilanader

"Somalialand does not like mentioning political theories or ideologies during sports events, Because of one reason", said the president "And that reason is, we do not want to have political ideologies on the front and fighting, what we want are the teams fighting not our two ideologies" added the president

Networks, Cable Full of Matches this week:

The networks have vowed to the somalialand people that they will show every match Live if they have it live, Almost every cable channel is having or showing some aspects of this tournament,

The old T.V channels talk about the history of the world cup and the qualifying, new channels and the Network TVs talked about somalialand morning to night,

Whether they talk about peace, crowds, or hostility against the team, they constantly blow your head off with somalialand and its chances, at this point the first match is or will be considered important, as it will have the highest predicted ranking of 87 million watching

Stars prepare for opening test

The Sarzonian national team is hoping that the first matchday will be a welcome respite from the tragedies on and off the pitch that befell the team. With its troubles in hosting the Cup of Harmony and the loss of Coach Bryan Marshall well-documented, the team will also have to overcome a last place finish at the Cup of Harmony and the top-ranked team in the world.

"Well, they sure like to make things hard, don't they," Interim Coach Dave Wilson said. "The best team in the world's going to come callin'. We're going to need to have the fine china out for that one."

Turning serious, Wilson said the draw was going to be a "challenge," but the Stars, newly ranked 35th in the world, would be up for it.

"We're going to have to play our best football, no question," he said. "Rejistania is the best team in football, bar none. We've got the 15th ranked team in the world (Commerce Heights) and a team we've never beaten (Lovisa) directly above us. We're going to have to do what we did in the last World Cup to have a chance to advance."

The Stars won five of their six matches against lower-ranked teams in Group Nine in the 17th World Cup, with the only blemish being a draw against Oceaice. The Stars won four of their eight matches against higher-ranked teams in the group, with one match against Commerce Heights ending in a draw.

"If we can play as well or better than we did in the last World Cup, we have a good chance," forward and team captain Brian Wilson said. "But we have to make sure we come to play every match day or we'll end up back in the Cup of Harmony."

The Stars play the opening match of the tournament in Portland’s Timber Stadium against fifth seeded Northbank, the 62nd ranked team in the world.

“It’s going to be important for us to get off to a good start because we have tough matches ahead,” defender Mike Coyle said. “Northbank is not going to be a walkover so we need the full three points at home.”

Goalkeeper Troy Perkins reminded everyone who would listen that Cup of Harmony third place team Big Pimento, a team that throttled the Stars 4-0 in the finale of the group stage, was ranked 63rd.

“We can’t overlook Northbank. You saw what Big Pimento did to us.”

Dave Wilson saw the predictions by Rejistania media that all had Sarzonia advancing to the World Cup, with one prediction calling the Stars the first place team.

"I want whatever they're smoking," he joked. "We can't worry about what other media are going to say about us. We've got to focus on football. Hopefully this tournament will give us a chance to do that."

Matchday 1 scores have been posted. (http://forums2.jolt.co.uk/showthread.php?p=7312772#post7312772)

The title-credits of 'Win Lose or Draw' roll away, and we are greeted with a blank screen. Suddenly, snippets of footage from Audioslavia matches old and new are shown in time with a hefty guitar riff:

CHUNG CHUNG squee-sqa-squeesquee-squa-squisquee-squaa-ska
CHUNG CHUNG squee-sqa-squeesquee-squa-squisquee-squaa-ska
CHUNG CHUNG squii-sqa-squiisquii-squa-squesquii-squaa-ska
CHUNG CHUNG squii-sqa-squiisquii-squa-squesquii-squaa-ska

The 'CHUNG's go along in time with some fierce challenges by Audioslavian players in the last world cup, with the image pausing and then fading away during the 'squee' parts.

The drums kick in and the riff plays again. By now, most Audioslavians (and any Melmondians watching) have identified the song as 'Citizen Erased' by Muse. The next four bars are accompanied by some of Audioslavia's goals in WC17, the 16 beats punctuated the five goals scored against Cockbill Street, the five goals scored against NEWI Cefn Druids, Karl Tanner's and William Kennedy's headers against The Lowland Clans, the two goals scored against Starblaydia and Marriot and Bracken's goals against Halfassedstates. The next scenes accompany the lyrics of the verse.

Break me in... - WC17 young-gun Alex Marriot smacks the ball against a Starblaydi cross-bar
Teach us to cheat... CS's Olafur Olafson petulantly kicks a ball away as Tanner goes to take a free-kick
And to lie, cover up... A Weegies player takes a dive whilst under pressure from Johansen
What shouldnt be shared... - A minor altercation between a Starblaydi player and an unidentified Audioslavian
And the truth, unwinding... - Danny Bracken sets himself up for a shot
Scraping away... The shot curls away from the right hand post
...at my mind, please stop asking me to describe - Close up to Bracken jogging whilst staring upwards at a high ball as it hurtles downwards to where he's standing

The chorus kicks in with a bang as Bracken hits the ball at full pelt towards a goal. Lots of shots of 'slavian goals from world cups 4 to 17 are shown in time with the lines "For one moment I wish you'd hold your stage, With no feelings at all, Open minded, I'm sure I used to be... so free...

The last two lines accompany a fade-out and 'arty' black-and-white close-ups are shown alongside Matt Bellamy's clean guitar breakdown and the lyrics of the bridge

Self expressed, exhausting for all to see... - Aaron O`Hara falls to his knees as he misses the final penalty of the WC12 final. Lee Branson sits down on the pitch watching the Rejistanians celebrate
...and to be what you want... - Branson fails to keep a Kingsfordian header out of the goal in their WC10 second-round match
and what you need - De La Rocha gets himself sent off during their classic WC12 encounter with Lemmitania
And the truth, unwinding... - Shots of Audioslavia falling apart in their 4-1 defeat by Squornshelous in WC17, and their 4-0 defeat by the same team in WC5
Scraping away... De La Rocha skies a header over the bar
...at my mind, please stop asking me to describe - Nicky Shearer leaves the field after Audioslavia get knocked out of WC13 by Spaam.

The quiet chorus is accompanied by the shots of scoreboards from each of the second round matches Audioslavia have played, with Audioslavian fans in the background looking glum.
For one moment... Scoreboard: "Lemmitania 3-2 Audioslavia miss pen"
I wish you'd hold your stage... Scoreboard: "Audioslavia 2-4 Errinundera. Bye Bye Slaves"
With no feelings at all... "Audioslavia 0-1 Kingsford"
Open minded... "Europa Brittania 1-0 Audioslavia"
Im sure i used to be.. "Audioslavia 1-2 Spaam !!extra time!!"
So free... - The screen scrolls upwards to reveal another scoreboard with the words 'Squornshelous' and '4'. After another second, the camera pans up even more and 'Audioslavia - 5' is seen clearly, just in time for the next part of the song - the big fuck-off riff and the solo - to pound out of the speakers.

Great goals by some of Audioslavia's better players down the years (Cornell, De La Rocha, Lambert, Riot, Xavier, Willow, O`Malley, Maiden, Bury, Bracken, Marriot) accompany the rythm and famous pieces of commentary from Audioslavia's classic matches (5-4 versus Squornshelous, 4-3 vs Commerce Heights, 2-1 versus Europa Brittania, 1-2 versus Rejistania, 1-0 versus TnUI, 5-4 versus NEWI Cefn Druids, 1-2 versus Lemmitania and 1-3 versus Bedistan) accompany the crazy-ass solo before the song fades out and the screen fades out to display a date, the bedistani and eauzian flags, and the letters X, V, and three 'I's.

Dude, its motherfoaken' world cup time again :)

Vollmeria Vollmeria, Vollmeria let me go
"Beelzebub has a treble put aside for meeee" - Oliver Dannes|
| 17 |
| 9 Dannes 11 |
| McLLroy Marriot |
| |
| 14 19 |
| Jansen 18 Cailan 13 |
| Keary Rijsbergen |
| |
| 16 5 23 |
| Crevan Johnstone Artaxiad |
| |
| 1 |
| Andersson |
-----------------------------------------

One player, one debut, three goals for Oliver Dannes.

With Danny Bracken out of form for his Cornellby side, Dannes was picked ahead of him in a controversial decision by manager Paul Ward, as the head of a three-man Audioslavian strike force including 18 year old Jackie McLLroy on the left side of attack and WC17 star Ally Marriot.

In fact, out of the eleven players that got knocked out of that world cup to Aquiliana, only Marriot and 24 year-old centre-half Greigs Johnstone remain. The five-man midfield has been completely overhauled. Karl Tanner and Jodey Tessem - a double-act who many percieve to be the best in Audioslavian football - have been replaced by Phoenix's Richard Keary and Ducentis F.C.'s Revelin Cailan, whilst wingers Aidey Jaynes and Cayle Johansen have been dropped in favour of Arie Jansen and Petr Risbergen. 16-year old Oran Crevan plays at left centre-half with surprise package Zareh Artaxiad on the other side of defence.

The new-look Audioslavia side was balked at by the press before the game, saying that the 'slaves should really be putting full-strength sides out against all opposition. Paul Ward retorted by saying this was his full strength side.

So the 3-4-3 formation kicked off against little known Vollmeria with the young players (the oldest member of the first eleven was Artaxiad, making his debut at 27. The second oldest is Greigs Johnstone at 23) trying to make their mark on the first team.

It took seven minutes for the new guard to do just that. Crevan sprinted out of defence after a paticularly ineffective Vollmeria attack. He beat the winger for pace and flicked the ball over to the centre for Keary, who trapped the ball and played square to Revelin Cailan. Cailan dummied the Vollmeria number four and played the ball ahead to Marriot who's first-time flick found 20-year old Oliver Dannes in acres of space to finish the ball past the goalkeeper.

Audioslavia got another one through a well-taken Marriot header on 27 minutes and started winding down, much to the manager's anger as Vollmeria started getting enough posession to boost their confidence. Just before half time the Vollmeria winger seemed to have enough confidence to beat Artaxiad down the left hand side and whip the ball in for the number nine to head past a stranded - and furious - Andersson in the Audioslavia goal.

Coming out in the second half at just 2-1 down, Vollmeria attacked the Audioslavian goal early on, forcing Andersson to make a couple of saves and hitting the bar through a twenty-five yard drive. If some of the fans had been fearing the equalisier however, they could rest easy as Audioslavia's first counter-attack saw McLLroy put Dannes through to make it 3-1.

The 'slaves kept possession and kept the ball throughout most of the match, playing the game proffessionally and not giving Vollmeria a chance to get back into the game with another sloppy goal. On 79 minutes Dannes put the game beyond reach with a crisp finish for his hat-trick in his very first game for the senior side, finishing off a good move from a McLlroy through-ball.

FINAL SCORE
Audioslavia 4 (Dannes 7, 51, 79 - Marriot 27)
Vollmeria 1 (Number Nine 43)

Pos Team P W D L GF GA GD Pts
1 Audioslavia 1 1 0 0 4 1 3 3
2 Oaker 1 1 0 0 3 1 2 3
3 Tadjikistan 1 1 0 0 3 2 1 3
4 Cockbill Street 1 0 1 0 2 2 0 1
5 Druida 1 0 1 0 2 2 0 1
6 Kipto-Mare 1 0 0 1 2 3 -1 0
7 Avenging Altos 1 0 0 1 1 3 -2 0
8 Vollmeria 1 0 0 1 1 4 -3 0

With the other matches in the group being won by the favourites (with the exception of Cockbill Street's crazy 2-2 draw with Druida) the group looks pretty much un-interesting except for Audioslavia's place at the top.

The next match for the 'slaves sees them take on a Tadjikistan side who is seen as second/third favourites for the group by the world's media. Travelling to the tiger's stadium and getting a result is going to be difficult, especially taking into account Audioslavia's awful form away from home in recent qualifiers.

I've been Jeremy Jaffacake, g'nite bitches

Karpova:It's Not Over Yet

After Maserrat's disappointing 3-0 defeat in ORD, some might have thought that coach Poskit Karpova would be a little dejected. However, they were proved wrong, as Karpova came out with his usual cheery smile and in his usual good mood to meet the press after the game. He had a lot to say, which isn't quite so unusual either...

"As I have said before, Vilita,The Lowland Clans and One Red Dot are the three best teams in this group by far. After that it's all to play for. What I am trying to say is that this defeat does not signal the end just yet - there are still thirteen games yet to play. It's really a race to finish in fourth place, as the top three positions are already filled. I believe we have the chance to grab that spot. I see little competition in Lykaia and Kylaai, and I don't think we need to discuss the other two teams, especially Somalialand, who have found out that winning isn't that easy today. Just remember that we are a team in the making, and I don't think we will be forced to spend the rest of our days languishing at the foot of a table. One day we will be big enough to qualify every time. That time is not yet, but mark my words - it will come."

Maserrat's next game is at home to Kylaai. Let's hope that Karpova is proved right.

Stars begin 'recovery', beat Northbank 1-0

The Sarzonian national team has a long way to go before it can get back to the positive feelings it had before the tragic events of the Cup of Harmony can be put to rest, but the Stars got off to a good start by beating Northbank 1-0 in front of 37,128 at Portland Timbers Stadium.

Forward and team captain Brian Wilson scored the only goal of the match on a header following a corner kick by former team captain and current national team midfielder Bobby Convey in the 28th minute. A previously shaky backline held the rest of the way and goalkeeper Troy Perkins notched his first clean sheet since the AOCAF third place match.

"We wanted to get the tournament off to a good start and we did that," Coach Dave Wilson said. "We started World Cup 16 with a draw [2-2 against Jeruselem] and the last World Cup with a loss [2-0 against Commerce Heights], so we wanted to start this one with a good result.

"Just because we're 1-0 and have three points doesn't mean we're out of the woods yet," Wilson said. "We've got a long way to go before our job is done. This is just the beginning of a long recovery."

All the favored teams in Group 8 won, with top-ranked and top-seeded Rejistania beating newcomers Legalese 5-0, second-seeded and 15th ranked Commerce Heights easily dispatching Spalatium 4-1, and third seed and 30th ranked Lovisa dismissing Liechtenistan 3-0.

"I just wanted to serve a good ball into the box," Convey said when asked to describe his corner kick. "Brian was in the right place at the right time and he did well to convert that goal."

The Stars travel to seventh seeded Spalatium for their first away match of this tournament.

"We need to be conscious of playing our brand of football," goalkeeper Troy Perkins said. "We can't afford a letdown against any teams the way things have been going of late."

*we are in the apartments of the guy currently in charge of stuff for the frost free borderlands of snub nose 38, where we find tgcicosftffbosn38 himself engaged in a spirited game of anagrams with his butler. in the middle of round three the eye of "the guy" happens to rest on the tv just as the following world cup 18 qualifying score is on screen.*

Lykaia 0-2 Kylaai

- Why...why...I believe Lykaia just beat itself at football

*we are dumbfounded. we are. really.*

It Started with a Win...
Starblaydia off to Dominant Start, 3-5-2 still not second-nature yet

This was one of those two-one games that could, and probably should, have been three- or four-nil. With all the midfield dominance that a 3-5-2 formation brings. Starblaydia gained around 65% of the possession, with most of it clean, crisp passes around the slick carpet-like surface that Victory Park is famous for.

It was Vicotry Park itself that may have hindered Starblaydia somewhat, the small, tight pitch hampering the creative outlets of the sardine-packed midfielders on both sides. It wasn't until Michael Hawthorne's scorching thirty-yarder that Starblaydia finally broke the deadlock after nearly an hour. Starblaydia had heard a few boos as they walked off at half time, massively dominant yet still at nil-nil. With a quick switch-around during the break, Ki-Jana Carter left the pitch to make way for Paulo Bachchan. This risky manouevre left young Roberto Di Bradini all alone to run the Starblaydi midfield while Starblaydia reverted to their standard 4-4-2.

In their more-preffered formation they were much more deadly, with the wide-men of Stark and Hawthorne roaming at will, the precocious young talent of Tetsuo Naoki staying deep 'in the hole', resulting in The Latin Union's defence being streched every which way. The result of a deft Eomer-Hall flick on landed at the feet of Michael Hawthorne on Sixty-Two minutes and his thrity-yard strike made it One-Nil, still rising as it hit the back of the next, completely unreachable in the top-left-hand corner.

Starblaydia were further boosted by this goal, turning their dominant possession into real chances, though they spurned many of them. Tetsuo Naoki, back on his 'home' ground for the first time since his big-money transfer to the Bedistani Premier League team Floral FC, seemed overly nervous on his World-Cup Qualifying debut. Three times he shot straight at the goalie from various positions, with no power or conviction on his shots. He looked disheartened but an arm around the shoulder and a word or two in the ear from Captain Simeone Di Bradini seemed to settle him, as he found the courage for the second goal, which effectively sealed the game.

With less than ten minutes to go, with a restless Victory Park crowd on Starblaydia's back, crying out for either full time or a second goal, Naoki dug out a sweet shot. After Roberto Di Bradini's two slide tackles had broken
up yet another Latin attack, he knocked it forward for Eomer Hall. A skillful glancing header put it into the path of Simeone Di Bradini, who's shot cannoned back off the outside of the right-hand post and ended up at the feet of J.J. Stark. The Vimesbairn player decided against a risky shot, pulling it back for twenty-year-old Naoki, who's cleverly dinked shot nestled in the top-left-hand corner.

Two more substitutions from Guylain N'Dumbu-Nsungu, however, appeared to unsettle Starblaydia. Daniel Scott came on in a like-for-like with the excellent Roberto Di Bradini and Giannis Berisha on for Eomer Hall led to confusion for the final five minutes within the Starblaydi midfield. Confusion in the middle-four led to the back-four being overexposed, allowing Rodrigo Nevarez to break through on the end of a chipped ball, his header arcing over the previously un-troubled Da Silva and into the net. After Simeone Di Bradini banged a few heads together, metaphorically, of course, there was only enough time left for a kick-off and a single Starblaydi attack that led to nothing. Starblaydia left the field a little puzzled as to how they only won by a single goal. They only had themselves to blame, as Vlajdimiriy Polikitov of Maserrat ran the game rather well, with nothing major for Starblaydia to complain about.

Michael Hawthorne added one to his collection after his Under-21 World Cup 5 goal against Raptor Claw and crucial strike in the Second Round of World Cup 17 against Europa Brittania. Tetsuo Naoki, on the other hand, netted his thirteenth for Starblaydia, cementing his place as the best young talent in this, or perhaps any other, nation. No wonder Floral FC paid £16 Million for him, cheap at twice the price.

With these facts taken into account, the team-sheet for the next game against Sonova, destroyed 4-0 by Liverpool England, is like this:


1
Da Silva

2 21 3 14
Salisbury Martin Nicholson Bachchan

4
R Di Bradini
15 11
Tissot Hawthorne
8
Naoki

10 9
S Di Bradini Hall

Subs (7): Cragg, Palmer, Durand, Carter, Montefalcon, Berisha, Ol-wairain

Final Score from Victory Park:
Starblaydia 2 - 1 The Latin Union
(Hawthorne 64, Naoki 79) - (Nevarez 88)


Pos Team P W D L GF-GA Pts
[1] Liverpool England 1 1 0 0 4-0 3
[2] Starblaydia 1 1 0 0 2-1 3
[3] The Evil Umpire 1 1 0 0 1-0 3
4 Aquiliana 1 0 1 0 2-2 1
5 Nova Britannicus 1 0 1 0 2-2 1
6 The Latin Union 1 0 0 1 1-2 0
7 Halfassedstates 1 0 0 1 0-1 0
8 Sonova 1 0 0 1 0-4 0

Starblaydia Goal Tally

Player Goals Total Goals
T. Naoki 1 13
M. Hawthorne 1 3

The Novan Daily News
Distrubted in Tuncastle, Widdrington, Montepool, Hernsworth, Foxchester and Beverington[/b]
Who are ya?

By Rupert Smythe, our man for all the World Cup News

Perhaps their Second World Cup Qualification campaign may be a disappointment for the team from Aquiliana. After falling to World Champions Rejistania in the Quarter-Finals in Kaze Progressa/Vilita, drawing two-all with lowly eighty-second ranked (and darn proud of it) Nova Britannicus, seems on the surface, to be a real downer for the Falcons.

The Navy Blues, on the other hand, will be enthralled by the point they've won from this opening match, their first ever in World Cup Qualification. They're certainly not expected to gain anything like the Top Three Qualification positions, but every goal and every point gained will be real victories for them.

Big-man up front Charlie Bowman was giving both Falcon centre-backs a hard time, while Dean Caliban and Kenny England pulled the Full-Backs every which way but loose. This left ample room for the inside-forwards Reginald Winthrop and Charlie French to exploit to good measure.

Despite being totally terrorised by a front-three including Jhanna City Number-Nine Titus Grinniman and Falcons' Captain Ronal Cuniculus, the Nova Britannicus defence held relatively firm against such a massive onslaught that had taken the Falcons to the final eight of World Cup 17 and the Top Thirty in the World. Never mind that Aquiliana have managed that feat in a single attempt, while nieghbouring Starblaydia took around twelve years, Nova Britannicus were a force to be reckoned with in this match. Switching near-effortlessly between their standard 2-3-5 and the 'WM' of 3-2-5 (though some would say that's not such a great achievement), conceding just two against the potent Falcon attack.

This is actually the fourth time the Navy-Blues have been involved in a two-two draw in their four-year international history, this scoreline having been achieved against Turori, HypercapitaliZm and Smoking Pits, most recently, in regular Time of the Baptism of Fire Semi-Final.

NBAFA Chairman Sir Podrington Fawcett-Smythe declared himself 'extremely pleased' with the result, and he wouldn't be expecting Aquiliana to gain more than fourteen points if they kept-on with their 4-3-3.

'After all, if they can't beat us with a 4-3-3, in their own words, they won't beat anyone else.'



Pos Team P W D L GF-GA Pts
[1] Liverpool England 1 1 0 0 4-0 3
[2] Starblaydia 1 1 0 0 2-1 3
[3] The Evil Umpire 1 1 0 0 1-0 3
4 Aquiliana 1 0 1 0 2-2 1
*5* Nova Britannicus 1 0 1 0 2-2 1
6 The Latin Union 1 0 0 1 1-2 0
7 Halfassedstates 1 0 0 1 0-1 0
8 Sonova 1 0 0 1 0-4 0

Group One's Matchday Posted, Somalialand ready to move on After a heavy lose,

Citizen's stared at their tv sets, they were astonished that the vilitan went so fast and they were home dining. The vilitan obviously were ready in their field said the coach on the following the game, I do not see us going like this anymore siad the coach in his press confrence with the only Goal scorer of the somalialand team Ahmed LUURE, LUURE scored the Goal after he was in the last corner by him self, He cleverly went through 3 vilitan defenders who made one of those young player mistakes, He took advantage and nailed one in.

The vilitans were not worried though, they put their first goal on the first half approximently 34 minutes on to the half, They second goalmimmediately followed and was put in right after the half time, The nxt two golas were ushered on the second half

We came prepared, But the vilitans with their assasination warnings and their Unhealthy reletions with us have damaged and caused us this game, We shall march on and move back home to catch our second team on the second matchday,

Iam shocked and dismayed said one spectator who watched this game, three of their golas should not simply have counted since in all three times to came in offside, The coaches and the refree's were fraud, they should nenevr have been here

Our next Aponent are the lowland clans which will be playing us tomorrow here, The lowland's are very tough, and will be expected to come hard but we will not backdown, I hope the refrees see al the glitches and actuallly score this game fairly

Scores:



Group 6:
Vilita 4-1 Somalialand
The Lowland Clans 3-0 Maldunia
One Red Dot 3-0 Maserrat
Lykaia 0-2 Kylaai

Team Fmjphoenix suffers bitter loss in World Cup Opening Day
By Roger Cede

Vanguard, FMJPhoenix: If Team Fmjphoenix plans on being a serious contender in World Cup 18, they need to forget this day happened and focus before they really have to start digging to get out of a hole. Taking their first entry into the World Cup, they dropped their home opener 5-1 to Kaze Progressa.

The Baptism of Fire seems like ages ago to this team. They now have lost the last two games they have played as a team after winning their first three in a row. Sani Luvo and Gajabuzu Ilirahudu both scored two goals before time stoppage in the first half to give Kaze Progressa a demanding 4-0 lead into the second half. Gajabuzu Ilirahudu started the Fmjphoenix meltdown by faking out defender Wei Zeng and scorching a shot past Adam Larouse at 5'23''. Two minutes later Sani Luvo came up with an almost identical move and shot that Ilirahudu took.

"I could not focus today, I lost my composure and I failed my team." Adam Larouse told reporters after the game. "All I can do is forget ths performance and come back tommorow and bring my 'A' game."

He will bring his 'A' game if he is the starting Goalkeeper tommorow. Larouse did not start the second half, being replaced by secondary goalkeeper Powell Lamar. Lamar only gave up one goal to Rahujiz Rapikok at 73'.

When the second half started, it looked like Fmjphoenix was ready to come back and make this interesting. Mike Nolan faked a shot and passed to Jorge Mendel who was able to tap it in easily because Kaze goalkeeper Fayu Fanzuhu was diving after what he though was Nolan's shot. Shortly after that Estaban Zues came down with a powerful shot that Fayu Fanzuhu dove to deflect. Then before he even could get Fanzuhu deflected a rebound shot by Nolan before it was recovered by his team. The team plans on reverting back to their working form of 3-5-2 instead of trying to play the 4-4-2. It appears the team may also be working on playing in a 4-3-3 form, but have not made any announcements about playing like that.

"This was a very tough loss for us, but this is far from over. There are still 13 more matches left and anything can still happen." Coach Wash said in an interview, "this team has heart and you will see them come back strong tommorow. That is how you define the skill of a team, how they come back from a loss."

Tommorow Fmjphoenix plays at Snub Nose 38, a team who won 2-1 in their opener, in hopes of getting that first win.

Gajabuzu Ilirahudu - 5'23"
Sani Luvo - 7'23"
Sani Luvo - 26'30"
Gajabuzu Ilirahudu - 43'
Jorge Mendel - 48'01
Rahujiz Rapikok - 73'

Final Score:
Kaze Progressa 5 - Fmjphoenix 1

Referees of the match:
Mert Awial
Mark Grant

Group Four Standings

Pos Team P W D L GF GA GD Pts
1 Kaze Progessa 1 1 0 0 5 1 4 3
2 The Eagles Nest 1 1 0 0 3 0 3 3
3 Krytenia 1 1 0 0 3 2 1 3
4 Snub Nose 38 1 1 0 0 2 1 1 3
5 Qia 1 0 0 1 2 3 -1 0
6 Spurland 1 0 0 1 1 2 -1 0
7 Ashibot 1 0 0 1 0 3 -3 0
8 Fmjphoenix 1 0 0 1 1 5 -4 0

From the Ianapalis Star-Tribune’s sport editorial section

Ians Pick Up Where They Left Off
Confused at the headline? Check the article for several paragraphs of bitter ranting!

IANAPALIS, Iansisle -- Are they ever going to replace and/or expand the Westergate Footballing Grounds? The streets of Westergate, that charming little community, were again flooded with a great thong of people who couldn’t pay the insane prices to get in - we’re talking about five generals for a seat here, people! Can only I remember a few world cups ago (back when the Ians sucked, that is) when seats were a teneral a pop?

The times have changed. The government needs to recognize that. It can’t get away with an antiquated stadium that seats ~30,000 when thrice that number are wont to show up! At least those who won the toss up and scrambled into the Grounds’ hallowed grounds weren’t disappointed - the Ians slaughtered New Dubai by a fiver.

Now, I imagine some of you are wondering about the subtitle. No doubt you remember the end of the Ians’ last World Cup - losing in the Group Stage and coming home with their heads hung in abject shame. How, then, could beating the stuffing out of some poor rookie be picking up where they left off?

That’s right: this is an editorial against math, that bane of everyone’s existence. We should have freakin’ advanced in that one, man - we damn well beat Aquilanananana, or however you spell that. We freakin’ pounded them into the ground.

But no! Then math steps in, and suddenly we’re not good enough anymore! The sweat, blood, and tears of our heroic footballers, who emerged triumphant from the match like ancient gladiators, had been spilled all over the pitch, and they looked up to the box for their final approval.

And down comes the squeaky voice of some pencil-pusher who hasn’t reached puberty yet.

“Yeah, swell job, y’all. Of course, even though Akilininaaina wasn’t good enough to beat you, they still get to advance instead of you, the clearly better team, because this calculator I found in a box of Cap’n Crunch says you needed to beat them by two goals. Sorry, chaps.”

That was that. So the Ians, determined to prove math wrong, have restormed out onto the pitch this year, and God help anyone who gets in their way.

[Lawyers Note: The viewpoints expressed by this author in this article in no way, at no time, in no place, and most certainly DO NOT reflect the views of the Ianapalis Star-Tribune, its staff, the Iansisle Ians, or most of the people of Iansisle itself. Our most humble apologies; there’s a law code that says we have to print this sort of thing.]

[Author’s note: Don’t listen to them. Lawyers, like mathematicians, are the spawn of the devil. Death to Acyilinatanana!]

[Editor’s note: Please, don’t listen to him.]

[Author’s note: You’ll never take me alive, math-worshipping fiends! *mmph!*]

[Editor’s note: I can’t believe he actually typed *mmph!* when we waylaid him.]

Tigers show their claws

Dushanbe - The first match is always a bit of a guess, the Tadjiks need some time time to get their train rolling. And the first World Cup match against Kipto-Mare wasnt any different. The Tigers allowed their opponents take the lead very early, but not for long. 7 minutes before the end of the first half the young new talent Andrej Shvydkoi surprised the crowd when his shot from the left side, that was supposed to be an assist for Timoshenko, bounced of the right pole and into the goal. Tadjik fans saw that a new generation of players had arrived to lead Tadjikistan to victory in the future. Most of them young and still a bit inexperienced, but the talent was there and Zhukov knew how to activate it.

The name Kipto-Mare is still quite unknown in Tadjikistan, and so are the tactics of that nations team. They came back in the second half, and scored a second goal from a corner. Kipto-Marians were probably wellinformed about the Tigers' first match reputation and went for the full three points. But they forgot the 2 devils of the Tadjik team, Boris Gromov and Igor Pliiev. They are old veterans when compared to the rest of the team, but they gained lots of experience in their carreer as internationals. Gromov was the first to show his face, with the ball on his feet he rushed to the center of the Kipto-Marian defense and fought hiw way through. The Kipto-Marian goalkeeper stood no chance against this storming ram, a low shot in the left corner brought the Tigers beck into the match.

The fans got up from their seats as they saw their team in good condition. Something they had not witnessed since World Cup 16, Kirponos described their support as 'the 12th man', so loud were their voices. The players made better combinations again, and were inspired came closer to the third goal, Timoshenko's shot was blocked by a Kipto-Marian leg, but in the rebound Pliiev finished it off. Kipto-Mare had been beaten, the Tadjiks felt like they were reborn.

And good performance, especially considering it was their first match in a while, it was a good practice for the upcoming encounter with Audioslavia. The most feared team in the group, but not invincible. If the fans take up their role as '12th player' in that game, then the Tigers can do wonders. Much will depend on the results of the first round of the qualifications.

Tadjikistan 3-2Kipto-Mare
Referee: Mark Grant [FMJ]
goals:<?> 24'(0-1), Shvydkoi 40'(1-1),<?> 52'(1-2), Gromov 72'(2-2), Pliiev 78'(3-2)


MD1 :Tadjikistan - Kipto-Mare W 3-2
MD2 :Tadjikistan - Audioslavia
MD3 :Tadjikistan - Vollmeria
MD4 :Avenging Altos - Tadjikistan
MD5 :Tadjikistan - Druida
MD6 :Tadjikistan - Cockbill street
MD7 :Tadjikistan - Oaker
MD8 :Kipto-Mare - Tadjikistan
MD9 :Audioslavia - Tadjikistan
MD10 :Vollmeria - Tadjikistan
MD11 :Tadjikistan - Avenging Altos
MD12: Druida - Tadjikistan
MD13 :Cockbill Street - Tadjikistan
MD14 :Oaker - Tadjikistan

Harmony Cup Hangover
Big Pimento Gets Stiff Reality Check Against Lemmitania

Big Pimento slaved their collective asses off over the past four year in an attempt to make a name for themselves, and to date, they’ve done a fine job. Shooting up the World Rankings by around 140 odd places is quite an accomplishment, as are victories against Lovisa and Cockbill Street. Opposing teams no longer looked at programmes in the stadium and asked themselves “We’re playing Big Piment-who?” They now knew they’d be playing Big Pimento and were aware they’d have their hands full with the Pimento’s gritty back five. The defence knew their role and came to give it 100% every match. Unfortunately, someone forgot to tell the Pimentos defence core that last night.

Finesse was the operative word to describe the Pimento’s last night. No wait, I can do better. Soft. Their defence was soft. No, that’s still not the word. It’s on the tip of my tongue… I almost got it. Sucked! That’s it. Big Pimento’s defence sucked.

The back five which has been so stingy in previous matches looked like a revolving door last night. The firm but fair tackles which characterize this team were gone and replaced by sorry attempts to strip balls. Lemmitania only struck twice, but it could have been many more if not for the solid play of goalkeeper Pedro Madhavapeddi.

As for the other side of the pitch, Big Pimento was equally ineffective, though a sad offence by a Pimento side wasn’t really a shock to anyone. Boris Valentine was largely ineffective and Bong Jong-Il never found the space to operate. Selecao’s trademark runs up the left were stopped by the Lemmitanian defence which was steeply slanted that direction, though it opened up some field for Omore Ngogadi, who played a decent game. Cookie St. Jacques came on in the fifty-eighth minute for Jong-Il, though he looked even more woeful than the guy he replaced.

Big Pimento now find themselves at a crossroad. Do they continue to play like hyperinflated ego primadonna superstars refusing to get their knees dirty or do they revert back to their determined team game under which they’ve enjoyed so much success. This isn’t a team which can get carried on skill alone, and unless they buck up and start to play tough again, it could be a very long qualification circuit for the Pimentos.

Lemmitania 2

Big Pimento 0

NEWSLINE
Because content doesn't matter without a large, flashy title.

Today we look at the "old fogies" as we like to call them of the World Cup, Total n Utter Insanity and Svecia. These two proud nations have been battling at the World Stage since World Cup 2, and show no signs of giving up on taking home a cup yet. Both teams played their opening matches of the 18th World Cup Qualifying, both won with commanding performances. Total n Utter Insanity tipping Tippman over 4-1 and Svecia routing unknowns Sarcodina 3-0 leaving both teams in the top three qualifying spots of their groups. Over the next 18 months we are gonna keep tabs on both teams, charting their progress, the highs and lows. We expect good things from these oldies this time around, come on they deserve it.

Pos Team P W D L GF GA GD Pts
1 Total n Utter Insanity 1 1 0 0 4 1 3 3
2 Dance 2 Revolution 1 1 0 0 3 1 2 3
3 Lemmitania 1 1 0 0 2 0 2 3
----------------------------------------------------------------
4 Magnus Valerius 1 1 0 0 1 0 1 3

Pos Team P W D L GF GA GD Pts
1 Squornshelous 1 1 0 0 5 1 4 3
2 Svecia 1 1 0 0 3 0 3 3
3 Oddslavo 1 1 0 0 3 0 3 3
----------------------------------------------------------------
4 Artoonia 1 1 0 0 3 1 2 3

'You know you're not going to qualify, right?' asked the Starblaydi

'Of course we're not, old bean,' the Britannican replied, taking another sip of his tea, 'Do we look like Aquiliana?'

'You guys could be our secret weapon in this group, y'know'

'Look here, good chap,' the Britannican put down his cup delicately on the saucer, 'we Britannicans aren't here for your benefit.'

'I didn't mean it like that!' The Starblaydi professed his innocence, attempting not to look guilty, but failing. 'All I mean is, we're all kinda on the same side here. The better you guys do against Liverpool England, Aquiliana and the rest, the better it is for us both.'

'We take points off of them, but not off of you, you mean?'

'Well I hope so. I don't want you just taking points off us.'

The two men had been debating football across the cafe table in Tabeck for the past few drinks, neither managing to persuade the other to follow a different opinion.

'We'll be taking points wherever we can find them,' admitted the Britannican, 'if it's from Starblaydia then so be it.'

'I know you'd love to beat us,' the Starblaydi made an admission of his own, 'if we beat you, it'll be Starblaydia beat En-Bee, Same-old same-old. If you beat us, it'll be En-Bee are teh greatest!'

'Probably. This is our first competitive international meeting, after all.'

'We've got two games before we face you,' the Starblaydi planned ahead, 'both of which we should win. One easily and the other slightly less easily.'

'And we've also got two, remember,' the Britannican was being somewhat patronising again, 'The Evil Umpire and The Latin Union, who will want revenge on us for that Quarter-Final we beat them in.'

'Let's just have this talk after those two games, okay? See how it pans out.'

'You're on, old chap.'

Newsline was brought to you by the NS Stupidity League.

NS Sporting Stupidity League
Rank Nation
1 Somalialand
2 Liverpool England
3 Eauz
4 Aquilla
5 Vilita
6 Brazillico
7 Maserrat
8 The Evil Umpire
9 Lanky dude
10 The Belmore Family

Newcomers Somalialand have knocked the rest of the competition out of the water. Liverpool England are however gaining on them with massive amounts of OOC one liners. Eauz are an amazing 3rd after agreeing to host the World Cup again, how stupid can you get? Aquilla gone but not forgotten in 4th. Vilita engaging Somalialand in conversation, how stupid can you get? Brazillico in 6th for agreeing to hosting then ceasing like a big fat stupidhead. Maserrat is a lucky 7th, they have slipped a few places recently and are tipped to fall out of the top ten soon. The Evil Umpire annoying gits that should be shot. Lanky dude long dead, but set the benchmark for stupidity with their smiley spam that nearly earned them the first World Cup Ban. TBF haven't been around much lately allowing their ranking to drop significantly.

Melmond Draws Group 9: Reaction
By Jay Ununne of the Unne Sun-Times

Well, congratulations to the Melmond National Team for qualifying for World Cup 18 in Bedistan and Eauz. Is it too early to proclaim that Melmond is in the World Cup you ask? Well, not this time my friend. Usually, the qualifying group stages have a couple interesting matches, especially when we were the midranked teams. Now, thanks to an astonishing third place finish, Melmond is now ranked 13th in the world and has a top ranking in the qualifying groups since the two hosts are ranked ahead of Melmond and the side ranked most prestigious ever, Europa Brittania, is not participating this time. However, even teams with high rankings get interesting matchups. Not the Fearless Farmers, who is placed in a group that suffers from chartered accountancy. I mean these opponents are just plain boring, and the sheer dullness sides hardly inspire passionate football and responses from the Fearless Farmers and their faithful. Perhaps that is the biggest challenge is not beating themselves, not to be lulled to sleep by far less-than-intriguing opponents. Let’s meet these much maligned opponents in Group 9.

Raptor Claw is one of the more familiar names in this group, but they really don’t pose a threat to the Fearless Farmers. The Raptors got one victory over Melmond in the Cup of Harmony, but Melmond got their revenge by knocking out Raptor Claw in the knockout stage.

EL CID THE HERO is also a side that Melmond has played before, with both sides winning their home match during World Cup 14. EL CID THE HERO qualified for the World Cup as promised four years ago, but this reporter doesn’t see the same fire in this incarnation as the last incarnation of this side.

NASTIC 2 is another side that loves capital letters. Their heyday was in World Cup 16 qualifying, where they overwhelmingly made the World Cup, but since then they have failed to impress anybody.

Esth seemed like a rather promising side entering their first international competition in the last World Cup qualifying session, but they have seemed to tail off since then.

The same could be said for the side from The Gulf States. They seemed like a promising young side at first, but it appears they are going to settle for mediocrity.

Not much is know about the side from Allsio except that they come from the same region in which the most prestigious side ever is, Europa Brittania. Does this mean that they will be an upcoming dynasty? Probably not.

Oceaice is a last minute replacement for the inactive Arjastan side. Melmond has played Oceaice in World Cup 14 qualifying, getting a tie and a win against the Pirates.

The Prediction
1. Melmond
2. EL CID THE HERO
3. Raptor Claw
4. NASTIC 2
5. Oceaice
6. Esth
7. The Gulf States
8. Allsio

Melmond National Team Schedule

v Oceaice (Feliz-Unne Stadium, Unne)
@ EL CID THE HERO
v Esth (Anachronism Park, Cali)
@ Allsio
v Raptor Claw (Microcosm Football Colossuseum, Aldi)
@ NASTIC 2
v The Gulf States (Frankndottir Stadium, Acosta)
@ Oceaice
v EL CID THE HERO (Melmond Bowl, Melmond City)
@ Esth
v Allsio (White Bread Dome, Suburbia)
@ Raptor Claw
v NASTIC 2 (Makinshakes Stadium, O’Connor)
@ The Gulf States

Next Game
vs. Oceaice (Feliz-Unne Stadium, Unne)

Well shiver me timbers, Melmond has a last minute substitution for an opponent. Out are the unknowns from Arjastan and in is familiar foe Oceaice. The addition of Oceaice should make this a tougher group, but not by much. It should be a good exercise for the Melmond side to get this new group together. Here is Manager David Bixler’s starting lineup for the Fearless Farmers.

GK- Snhp Xtfuinxm
D- Jonsi Torrini
D- Veronica Dean
D- Charles Unne
D- Trav Strachan
M- Jake Cormier
M- Alfred Smith
M- Critandi Unne
M- Peeko Noodleschlausen
F- Ojfssnsj Xrnym
F- Tim Remans

Feliz-Unne Stadium
Location: Unne, Melmond
Seats: 48,000 (Open Air)

The city of Unne is Melmond’s third largest city and is said to be the most fashionable city in the nation. The city was named after the famous Dr. Unne, in which Melmondian legend claims that he taught the Light Warriors an ancient language which helped rid the world from Chaos (the evil being, not the concept). Descendants of the Unne family make their home in Unne and are a sort of unofficial royalty in Melmond. Three members of the Unne family: Critandi, Gina, and Diallo play for the Fearless Farmers. Feliz-Unne Stadium is one of the few football-specific stadiums in Melmond as it was built due to the success Melmond had in the Cup of Harmony also along with success the Unne Yellows club team had. They expanded the smaller Feliz Stadium by 30,000 seats. It was funded by the Unne family, hence the name. Seats are almost right on top of the pitch, and in the humid climate of Unne, it can make opponents claustrophobic. This also makes it a large yet intimate venue for world class football. Some of the closer seats to the pitch actually retract in to make room for the track field which is around the stadium. Some of the old section of the stadium was maintained and is an excellent spot to watch the match. Tickets are sold out! The first 10,000 fans get a pin which commemorates Melmond’s third place finish in the World Cup and their place in NationStates footballing history!

First place start looks all too familiar

Pschychoes dismantle Finrods to open the cup
The Squornshelous Pschychoes Start another cup in first place in their group with a 5-1 victory over a luckless team from Finrods. The more experienced and skillful team from Squornshelous was able to control the ball for almost the entire game and except for a momentary lapse in the second half, competely shut down the opposing attackers.

Game Highlights:

7th minute:
Tito Castillan takes the first shot for Squornshelous this cup with a long try from the top corner of the box, the Finrodian keeper handles it easily.

10th minute:
Rodoflo Puente misses a golden opportunity to open the scoring when he send his shot bouncing out of play off the crossbar.

16th minute:
Bjorn Arnesson puts in the first goal. He went up the field and recieved a superb crossing pass from Castillan which set him up from about 8 yards out. The keeper never had a chance.

25th minute:
Igor Raskolnikov puts in his first of the new cup, on a classic Raskolnikov goal, using his speed to outrun the entire defense from midfield and sending it flying into the corner.

39th minute:
A rare chance for Finrods, a mishandled lob by Quentin Harrisson leads to a corner kick. However, the kick is too close in, and Perez punches it out of harm's way.

45th minute:
Halftime, Squornshelous leads 2-0 in a game that has seen 0 shots on target for Finrods to this point.

48th minute:
Raskolnikov stries again! This time on a corner kick that came after the Finrodian keeper knocked Peunte's shot wide of the net. Otto Friedel sent the ball in on a lazy arc. The goalkeeper mistimed his jump and watched the ball sail over his head to connect with Igor's. 3-0 Squornshelous.

53rd minute:
Finrods notches their first shot on target and there first goal in one fell swoop with an excellent shot from just outside the box.

58th minute:
Castillan makes his shot this time, from the same position as his seventh minute try, he sens the ball curving away from the keeper to strike the far post and rebound back into the goal. 4-1 Squornshelous.

60th minute:
Raskolnikov puts in his third goal, once again opening qualifying with a hat trick. 5-1 Squornshelous

Final Score:
Squornshelous 5-1 Finrods

Scoring Summary:
SQ: Arnesson [16]
SQ: Raskolnikov [25]
SQ: Raskolnikov [48]
FI: (player) [53]
SQ: Castillan [58]
SQ:Raskolnikov [60]

Group 7 Standings after Matchday 1:

Pos Team P W D L GF GA GD Pts
1 Squornshelous 1 1 0 0 5 1 4 3
2 Svecia 1 1 0 0 3 0 3 3
3 Oddslavo 1 1 0 0 3 0 3 3
4 Artoonia 1 1 0 0 3 1 2 3
5 Dennisov 1 0 0 1 1 3 -2 0
6 Wella 1 0 0 1 0 3 -3 0
7 Sarcodina 1 0 0 1 0 3 -3 0
8 Finrods 1 0 0 1 1 5 -4 0

Team Fmjphoenix prepares for match against Snub Nose 38
By Roger Cede

Vanguard, FMJPhoenix: The Fmjphoenix Vikings have been preparing hard following the heavy loss suffered in their first World Cup match. After the 5-1 loss to Kaze Progressa, they have re-doubled their practice and have taken to their old tactics from Baptism of Fire, watching film of the other team's gameplay.

"We were trying to do something new, and it just did not work to well." Interviewers were told by Coach Wash, "We are not going to fully abandon some of our new ideas, but we are going to go back to using old tactics in order to better appriciate our opponent."

The Vikings have scrapped their plans of using the 4-4-2 format, as it would leave out a better defender of the team for another shooter. The team is slowly adapting a 4-3-3 formation to see if that would work with their style of play better. For now, the team plans to use the 3-5-2 formation, at least for the match against Snub Nose 38.

Also, in a uncharacteristic move by Coach Wash, he has decided to announce his starting lineup when he is playing away from home. This being the case, here is the starting lineup Coach Wash provided reporters.

GK - #40 Adam Larouse
LD - #00 Wei Zeng
RD - #14 Bobby Bash
MID - #75 Devin McBall
MID - #23 Michael Bo
MID - #13 Alex Rivera
MID - #32 Quinten Bell
MID - #36 Va Qui
RFD - #24 Mike Nolan
CFD - #02 Estaban Zeus
LFD - #01 Jorge Mendel

The Adventures Of FS And Bill
Episode 5: How Not To Escape From Hospital

FS: This is Frejdriych Schmitt reporting live from the Rakasta Hospital. Well, it is for now, but in about ten minutes I'll have 'dishonourably discharged' myself, as Bill is going to help me escape this hellhole. I'm just waiting for him now. Hmm, hmm, hmm. Tum te tum tum.

*There is a sound from outside. Somebody stats to throw pebbles at the window.*

FS: That's Bill. Time to go. Should I tell you the plan? I'll tell you the plan. Basically I have to get down to the back entrance, where Bill will be waiting to bust me out. There's a slight problem in that I can't go anywhere without a wheelchair, but we'll cross that bridge when we come to it.

*Frejd manages to lift himself put of bed into the nearby wheelchair.*

FS: I've been practicing in the bathroom.

*Frejd wheels himself over to the nearby laundry chute.*

FS: How do all convicts escape? Via the laundry chute, of course! Now hopefully, Bill did what I asked and put a wheelchair right under the opening in the basement. Oh well, here goes nothing.

*Frejd dives feet first into the chute.*

In The Basement

Janitor: Who left this wheelchair here? I'd better go and take it to the store cupboard.

*The janitor just rounds the corner when Frejd slides through the opening onto the hard concrete floor.*

FS (in obvious pain): Just think happy, non-painful thoughts! Just think happy, non-painful...oh, to hell with it. AAAAAAAAAGHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!

*Bill appears as if from nowhere*

Bill: Are you alright, Frejd. I heard a particularly girly scream, and I thought it might be you.

FS: Nope, wasn't me. Didn't hear a thing myself.

Bill: But I swear -

FS: Now's not the time for derogatory remarks, Bill. Get me out of here. You're going to have to carry me.

Bill: Do I have to?

FS: Carry me, Goddammit!

*As Bill starts towards the exit with Frejd in his arms, the janitor comes running round the corner.*

Janitor: What's happened! I heard a particularly girly scream from down here.

FS: It was not a girly scream! Get him, Bill!

*Bill attacks the janitor with Frejd's detachable leg cast. The janitor falls to the ground, unconscious.*

Bill: Is he dead?

FS: Who cares? Anybody that say my screams are girly deserves to die.

Bill: So it was you.

FS: Don't make me come over there!

Bill: Yeah, slight advantage to me when you consider I have legs that work.

FS: Shut up, Bill. We're almost out of here. Now, set fire to that nearby can of antiseptic cream - I've always wanted to run out of a building just before an explosion, like in James Bond films.

*As Bill and Frejd escape the hospital, the can explodes, ripping the building into millions of tiny fragments.*

FS: Who would have guessed that antiseptic cream was so flammable...

Philosophers 4-0 Sonova - Chacorian manager leads team to first win

The 'new' Chacorian manager of Liverpool England, Sirx, has led the team to its first win of the qualifying campaign. The team soundly trounced Sonova at the Waterway Stadium in Schimpol. Kelvin Johnson, Douglas Freech, debutant Carl Toner and Chris Hawkins all got on the scoresheet within 15 minutes, either side of half-time. It was all over by the 49th when Toner latched onto a corner from Timothy Dennard and headed the ball into the back of the net. Liverpool England will now travel to Aquiliana for their next game. The last game between the two teams 4 years ago, in which Johnson, Freech, Hawkins and Dennard all played, ended 2-2.

Somalialand Goes on After a disastrous Game 1
The team that perfected the art of annoying players in just weeks has lost its first match and now plans to move on,

The public is seeking to forgive the players for their first match disaster and move on to catch the lowlands, the lowlands have seemed little peculiar for the past few weeks and we have come to envision what they will throw at us, The team seeks to perfect its striker and give the maximum shape abilities and make them run up the ball field and down,

"The football pitch will be crowded by the somalialands of they choose to use this kind of tactics" said one spectator on the field with his wife and kids
The team is planning to overwhelm the lowlands on both running and passing wide.

At the coaches conference in somalialand, Just few hours after they arrived from vilita. "We must try an all out attack on this team" said the coach, "they should not be given pity chances on The goal" he added

The coach was furious to see vilita defeat as they did, we hope for a draw or one goal win, but that failed us so they took chance and god helped through the first game, we shall see who is there next competitor and how will they win,

The SFF also revised the prediction table to Make Vilita the #1 team and Lowland clans are still One point behind us on the prediction table, that will depend on what the score comes out to be today

The lowland clans have been watching our games and tactics one reporter told us today on the kasarani National stadium where the game will take place later today,

"They are explanation on why we lost that great match we had wit the vlitans and one of those explanation is that they were just better simple and a great fact, We do not need explanations at this point, we shall focus on the lowlands and until we defeat them or at least come close to them," said the coach on his press conference

"I hope being home also helps us, said one spectator, But at this point we do not know if that will help somalialand on crowning them against the lowlands who are expected to arrive in minutes and prepare for the next game

Karpova To Field Unchanged Team

Karpova has named the same side to face Kylaai that lost 3-0 to One Red Dot yesterday. The team flew in from ORD yesterday, and have spent the whole of today training in Rakasta's Commodore Bowl, where the big match will take place. There is a slight air of expectation, as Kylaai are not too far above Maserrat in the rankings, and it is the best opportunity of beating a team supposedly better than them. It's Baptism Of Fire winners against Cup Of Harmony winners - a true cup final.


GK Grady Waskowiec * (Rakasta Trespor)
DF Yuri Olkirov * (Trone Poskit)
DF Hughte Jesrew * (Husov Hamam)
DF Asamy Vergo * (Rakasta Trespor)
DF Poiana Zchefqi * (Rakasta Trespor)
MF Ferevarco Ferenitzin * (Trone Poskit)
MF Borle Xantoi (c) * (Rakasta Trespor)
MF Zaqery Poskilka * (Trone Poskit)
MF Gyrokli Haman * (Placeia-Koskov FC)
ST Qostaze Ubuloy * (Rakasta Trespor)
ST Odisema Catreman * (Eammib Hamam)

Subs
GK Gresty Poljif (Trone Poskit)
DF Kornikr Fadisha (Placeia-Koskov FC)
MF Ramakab Ytra (Eammib Hamam)
MF Boronitzin Xavi (Sumne Sumni)
ST Kasper Hoglund (Old Bavahians)

Daily Kangaroo report:

PROGRESSANS STRIKE BACK WITH FIRST-HALF FLURRY

After the agonising defeat to Rejistania in the World Cup finals, the Progressans are back in qualifying and in front of another sell-out 120,000-strong crowd, did not disappoint as they destroyed new boys Fmjphoenix 5-1, ending the match as a contest before half-time. Gajabuzu Ilirahudu started the rout in the sixth minute, beating Wei Zeng with a sidestep and Adam Larouse with a low shot; Sani Luvo scored with a similar move two minutes later. Luvo then made the game effectively safe with a trademark 30-yard curling free-kick in the 27th minute; he has now scored five goals in his first four international matches. Ilirahudu added even more insult to injury, chipping Larouse just before the interval. Jorge Mendel struck back for the newcomers after Fayu Fanzuhu was uncharacteristically fooled by a dummy shot, but Rapikok completed the rout with a cheeky side-footed volley on 73 minutes.

Things can only get tougher for the Progressans, but they have shown their attacking credentials here and the crowds will keep on flocking towards them assuming they continue to play attractive football. Most analysts believe the Progressan tendency to keep the ball on the ground is working well and will especially pay dividends against sides reliant upon physical attributes.

OOC: Sorry, Legalese, I could not resist making a bit fun of your team. If you feel insulted by this: it was not ment personal and I will not see any IC-response as personal attack.

From The KaMaRi Update

Legally Orange-Blue

The Orange-Blues defeated Legalese by a no-longer-close score of 5:0 in the Sike kaletri stadium. The legalese team consisted of 18 players (maybe they could not find 23 soccer players in their country) and 1,500 lawyers, all skilled in rejistani legislation. Coach SyLy was facing a dilemma on the one hand, he should not field the top players in a match against a team unknown on world stage due to the risk of injuries, but on the other hand, anything but a win would be highly embarrassing as a first match. SyLy solved this dillemma by choosing a really Imdila-ish team seeing the fact that starters and substitutes as listed in the roster do not really matter:
GK: Taserikijilti Vavenetexy
DF: Kadu Hsen, Ji Jen, Esri Rija-Jesa, Jese Eti~l
MF: Viji Ahi~n, Sijij Ha~e, Kvansa Laijiyiaya, Kansu Lyku
FW: Salakerijasamenatira "Sa" Harakemindanutikejil, Jenji Y

The match started with Rejistani dominance. The 1:0 could only be prevented by a foul of Legalese Jack Wigginson. Mert Awial, the progressan referee booked the Legalese player. Suddently the lawyers swarmed on the pitch waving paper and shouting. We do not know what they said or what was written on the papers, but for the referee it was highly intimidating. You could easily see that he was scared that they would sue him into high debts. Finally he removed the booking and the lawyers left the pitch. However, they appeared again whenever the referee made a decision for the Orange-Blues. With large pauses and 20 minutes 'injury time' the first half ended. The ASR had no idea how to fight the lawyers until a trainee had the idea to how to win the match: the parliament and the mayor of Sike kali were called and at the start of the second half, they came and started waving paper at the lawyers. The trainee realised that the only thing, which scares lawyers are new laws and by pretending a whole bunch of new laws were passed, the lawyers fainted or simply gave up. the Orange-Blues however were angry about the lawyers and partly reacted by fierce attacks (and partly by needless fouls). This brought the Orange-Blues ahead 3:0 after less than ten minutes and caused 6 yellow and one red cards against the Orange-Blues. SyLy told the Orange-Blues to 'defend his job' after that. This expression becomes clear if you imagine Teke Daran's reaction after a 3:4 loss after leading 3:0. Despite that, the Orange-Blues found chances to increase the score in a free-kick and a counter-attack and made SyLy's first match successfull.

The result:
Rejistania 5 (Harakemindanutikejil 46th 49th, Y 48th 89th, Laijiyiaya 75th)
Legalese 0

OOC: Sorry, Legalese, I could not resist making a bit fun of your team. If you feel insulted by this: it was not ment personal and I will not see any IC-response as personal attack.


OOC: No problem... lol. :D
IC:

Legalese Times
Hooligans, Parliament dampen game; Legalese left Orange-Blue in the face
Harakemindanutikejil scores four on battered International Newcomers

-Rejistania-

A series of bizarre events left Legalites stunned, as group favorite Rejistania handed it to the International newcomers, with a 5-0 final. Unfortunately, Legalites swarmed the field, trying to use their legal skills to their advantage. For a brief time, it was actually working, to the partial disappointment of Manager Robbie Heard.

"It was nice to see our supporters out there," Heard was heard to comment, "I just wish they hadn't been that far out there."

The trouble started in the tenth minute, when Jack Wigginson was called for a foul. Referee Mert Awial's attempt to book Wigginson was halted, as Legalites protested, running onto the pitch, threating the possibility of filing a restraining order against referee. Awial relented, only encouraging the Juris Doctorate Hooligans.

Wigginson was happy to see them. "I don't want to criticize Mert's performance out there," he said, "But I really feel that my tackle in the tenth was nowhere near what you would see as deserving of a booking. Thankfully he was convinced otherwise.

A scoreless first half took nearly 65 minutes to complete, owing to constant interruptions by the hooligans. From this reporter's eyes, it seems quite disturbing that Rejistania is unable to put together a security force strong enough to handle potential hooliganism.

The ridiculousness of the first half failed to seize, as the Rejistanian Parliament got involved. The sudden passage of 450 new laws during the halftime interval is an amazing feat, one that kept the hooligans at bay for the remainder of the match. Additionally, it will be interesting to see how the laws requiring everyone to use stilts to make them 10 feet tall, as well as the new provision mandating that all senior citizens walk on their hands, sit with the Rejistanis.

Salakerijasamenatira "Sa" Harakemindanutikejil got the scoring going quickly for Rejistania, with two goals in the first two minutes of the second half. He would later score two more, with Jenji Y contributing one to the cause. This would be accompanied by 6 yellow cards by Rejistania, an ejection on each side, and numerous injuries to the Legalese 11.

Kris Trewands was upended on a particularly horrific tackle in the 50th minute. He suffered a sprained ankle, and was carried off the field, with Xavier Church stepping in at midfield. Oliver Rodd and Carlos Manachev also suffered from horrific tackles, resulting in cautions for the offending Rejistanis. Rodd would leave the game with a sore knee, but Manachev would return, after treatment for a cut on the thigh.

The real action would take place in the 85th minute, when Ji Jen dropped Jonny Lambert from behind. Lambert rolled around in pain, as Wigginson charged forward to confront Jen. The two would not trade punches, but Awial decided it was time for both to hit the showers.

In other news:
Legalese City, Legalese: The College of Wharli and Masterson has just announced a new specialization at their law school. Students can now get a JD with a specialization in Soccer Law.
"It's the way things will go here in Legalese" commented Richard Masterson, College President. "We need good people who know the proper laws of the game, and we will be more than happy to provide them, with the help fo the LAFC."
It is uncertain how this new program will handle, but it is sure to give Legalese the most technically accurate soccer legalites in the world.

(OOC: Hopefully I'm not mistaken, but I didn't see any goalscorers in NB's match report. If they were provided, then disregard whatever I said here.)

"Disappointing" Start To The World Cup
Home fans getting nervous

Well, it wasn't what we had hoped for by a long shot. The Falcons went into this match confident, but cam out of it stunned and wondering what went wrong, as they couldn't get the final goal to put away the Navy-Blues of Nova Britannicus.

The players were introduced to the crowd before the match, and above anyone else, there were copious amounts of cheering for WC17 stars Ronal Cuniculus and Tomus Flögel. And it seemed that the crowd knew who to cheer for, as just 16 minutes into the game, Cuniculus received a beautiful through ball from midfielder Milona Consario to put the Falcons up 1-0. But surprisingly, the Navy-Blue defense started to stiffen up more and more, and even with 3 forwards, the Aquilian attackers couldn't penetrate this wall. In fact, the game went to halftime with the same score.

The players came out somewhat lackluster to start the second half, and they paid the price. Charlie French took advantage of the lack of midfield presence to dribble through and get a great shot off just outside the box which bent down into the bottom corner, giving Bælükas no chance at stopping it.

The Falcons, awakened somewhat by this display of talent, started to play with more intensity, and soon enough, Titus Grinniman was tripped 20 yards out, and subsequently put away the ensuing free kick.

But the Navy-Blues, having to defend most of the game, had relatively fresh legs at the forward positions. Joe Fletcher sent a ball halfway down the field to a streaking Dean Caliban, who was able to beat young Läo Häi and put the ball into the opposite corner just a few minutes before the final whistle.

"The 4-3-3 works well in theory, and it works well in practice," said Coach Ed afterwards. ""But it's clear that we need to change things up for the games, becaus obviously something's different."

"Titus plays outstandingly in the midfield; I think we're going to drop him back for tomorrow night's game against Liverpool England and see if we can't get better on defense and offense. Nova Britannicus showed tonight that 5 dfenders can stop 3 forwards more easily than 4 midfielders. We'll need to utilize our speed up top more, and so we'll need to keep possession more in the midfield."

When asked about Rämï Pumiliö, who looked somewhat sluggish and didn't have any opportunities, Coach Jeff stated that "He's not injured, no. At least, not dramatically. It seems he turned an ankle slightly in the first half, and you know those take about a day to fully recover. Hopefully by tomorrow night's game he'll be at 100%."

Final Score:
Aquiliana 2 (Cuniculus 16, Grinniman 71)
Nova Britannicus 2 (French 55, Caliban 83)

The Gameday Report

Tonight's game will be against a much better team, #12 Liverpool England. After defeating unranked Sonova 4-0 Saturday, Liverpool will come out looking for moreagainst the Falcons, who were disappointed with a 2-2 draw against Nova Britannicus. The match should be exciting to watch, but there will be tension in the air as the home fans wonder if their team can pull themselves out of the hole they're in.

With LE's 4-0 win, the Falcons will come out to start in a 4-4-2, to provide maximum offense and defense. Once a goal is scored, the team should shift back to a 5-4-1 for defense, whether it's to protect a lead or to stop an onslaught. Of course, if the Falcons are down later in the second half, they'll switch to the 3-4-3, looking to tie the match up.

Belua Memorial is the largest stadium in Nidola, and so it has effectively become the national stadium of Aquiliana. Situated indoors, the climate is controlled to a temperature comfortable to most Aquilians, which may be a little warm for the Liverpoolites.

Jonus Belua, of course, was the man who scored 26 goals in 1992 for Nidola FC, and was perennially among the best in the LPA. In '99 he became LPA Commissioner, but shortly afterwards was diagnosed with stomach cancer. He died in 2001 at the age of 43, and Nidola FC renamed their stadium after him.

Predictions:

Drew - Aquiliana 1-0
Mitch - Liverpool England 3-1
Curt - Draw 1-1


MATCH SCHEDULE

MD1: Aquiliana 2-2 Nova Brittanicus (Cärnirässe National, AC Igneas)
MD2: Aquiliana vs. Liverpool England (Belua Memorial Field, Nidola FC)
MD3: Aquiliana vs. Sonova (Doma Artola, Farca City)
MD4: The Evil Umpire vs. Aquiliana
MD5: Aquiliana vs. The Latin Union (Vivarium Sciunti, Sciuntus FC)
MD6: Aquiliana vs. Starblaydia (Altissima National, Altissima)
MD7: Aquiliana vs. Halfassedstates (Inexpugna, Ubertas FC)
MD8: Nova Brittanicus vs. Aquiliana
MD9: Liverpool England vs. Aquiliana
MD10: Sonova vs. Aquiliana
MD11: Aquiliana vs. The Evil Umpire (Stadia Cuperta, Nova Malta FC)
MD12: The Latin Union vs. Aquiliana
MD13: Starblaydia vs. Aquiliana (Hallad City Stadium, Hallad Reavers)
MD14: Halfassedstates vs. Aquiliana

Martin Comes in Against Sonova
Former-Captain not requesting Armband from SDB

As the most-experienced Starblaydi Centre-Half in the squad, most would have expected the World Cup 17 Captain to have been a shoe-in in the team striving for Qualification from Group Ten. Alas, the thirty year-old defender had been placed on the reserve list for these games, only to be used in dire need.

After a two-one win over debutants The Latin Union, Starblaydia have switched to a more-regular 4-4-2 diamond for the Sonova game, away in Sonova. With specialist-sweeper Jean-Pierre Durand dropped to the bench,
nineteen year-old Paulo Bachchan comes into the left-back spot with Martin blocking up the centre with Under-21 World Cup 4 partner and Jhanna-City teammate Paul Nicholson. Manager Guylain N'Dumbu-Nsungu.

'I'm sure our City partnership will prove to be a good choice against Sonova, as we know each other's game inside out,' Martin said eariler today. 'Our solid base will allow Ceri (salisbury) to roam forward a bit more, as Paulo (Bachchan) is more likely to hold back.'

But as for coming back into the Starting-Line-up, how does he feel about the armband he wore for the 3rd Eagle's Cup and 17th World Cup belonging to Simeone Di Bradini?

'He's the Captain for this tournament, when he's on the pitch, it's his armband. Simple as that.'

With three changes from the Opening Game against The Latin Union evident, Starblaydia are obviously resting some of their key players. Stark, Carter and Durand are all being saved for the later matches, it seems, though this team is still bedecked with match-winners, both the two strikers, both Di Bradinis, the set-pieces of Sailsbury and the non-stop saving of Da Silva.

In anyone's mind, this is a training match for Starblaydia, a match where they can all try and increase their goal tallies, perhaps trying for a Rejistania/Ravea-type scoreline. They'll generally take it easy, making sure they win the game but not breaking any of their limbs in the process. One does have to save one's energy, after all, you might need it when Aquiliana come calling, for instance.

Once more, for those not wishing to browse back for the earlier team sheet, Starblaydia will line up like this:


1
Da Silva

2 21 3 14
Salisbury Martin Nicholson Bachchan

4
R Di Bradini
15 11
Tissot Hawthorne
8
Naoki

10 9
S Di Bradini Hall

Subs (7): Cragg, Palmer, Durand, Carter, Montefalcon, Berisha, Ol-wairain


OOC: Good point, Aquiliana, I'd picked the scorers but neglected to tell anyone about them. Good choice, I'll go with yours :D

D2R Begin Campaign with a Win

Myrulesia easy test, but have to help to flick the 'on' switch

D2R faced Myrulesia on Match-Day 1, highly expecting to get all 3 points.

Myrulesia used the bullets in their gun right away, <7> chipping a ball behind the sleeping D2R defence and <11> getting the finishing touch. 1-0 Myrulesia and not everyone was sat in the packed iNSANE ArenA yet.

Then, Myrulesia made the mistake of sitting back for the remaining 86 minutes. Über took the advantage of Myrulesia's sitting back with a curling effort into the top corner in the 14th minute, 1-1.

Myrulesia kept D2R from scoring again, and kept it level until half time.

It took a moment of pure brilliance by Maeda to break the deadlock, an excellently found ball by Maeda Jnr gave Maeda the chance to score, and he did with a backheel taking it over the keepers head. 2-1 after 52 minutes.

20 minutes later the game was beyond doubt. A cross along the ground by Derinda was tapped in by Maeda Jnr. and that made it 3-1 and that's how the game ended.

Final Score:
Dance 2 Revolution 3(Über 14' Maeda 52' Maeda Jnr. 72')
Myrulesia 1 (<11> 4')

A 3-1 win for D2R left them in the top half of the table, with the order of ranks not disturbed by the results.

Next Matchday: Matchday 2 takes D2R to the land of Tippman, who were defeated heavily, 4-1, by TnUI on Matchday 1, they will be looking spare embarrasment of a second loss, but D2R will also be looking to continue into a winning streak which they hope will last until the match which a lot of D2R fans have on their calender, the away tie at Total n Utter Insanity on Match Day 5.

Paul Ward's Pool of Talent
How on earth does the Audioslavian manager pick the team?

For many Audioslavian critics, this squad is better than any other that the 'slaves have had in recent years. Players like Crevan, Black, Jansen and McLLroy have showed so much promise for their clubs that its difficult to leave them out of the side in favour of the more experienced players in their positions like O`Rourke, Ryder, Jaynes and, most controversially, Bracken. Heres a run-down of the competition for places in Paul Ward's Audioslavia side.

Goalkeepers
1: Peter Andersson: Andersson has recieved great interest from overseas... well.. Melmond... but still he is an extremely good keeper and at 23 he's got years ahead to become an even better one. Made a mistake against Vollmeria which didnt prove too costly but in front of class opposition it could be his, and the 'slaves, undoing.

22: Haydn Fenwick: Another keeper plying his trade in Melmond. Fenwick deputised as third choice behind James Scott and Robert Jones for years (as far back as world cup 15) before getting his break in world cup 17. Critics will say he isnt as good as he used to be and he wasnt that great in the first place, but Fenwick is still easily one of the top goalkeepers in Audioslavian football.

12: Neil Redbank: The ex-under21 goalkeeper making it up to the full team. Redbank's number 12 shirt may argue that he is ahead of Fenwick in the international pecking order, but if Andersson's form tails off then im sure it'll be the wise old head of Fenwick which gets the nod.

Right Backs
2: Kerry McFarland: Don't let the number 2 shirt fool you, McFarland hasn't gotten a look-in so far despite good performances for champions Cornellby City. Kerry didn't get picked for the WC17 side and was hotly tipped to succeed the legendary Ben Pearce but for some reason was overlooked. At 23 he has plenty of time to prove himself.

13: Petr Rijsbergen: Petr isn't even a right-back for his club and is naturally a right-midfielder, but Ward has other ideas for the young Soundgardian. Rijsbergen is a better player than McFarland no doubt, but a better defender? Not at all. If Ward wants his full-backs to attack then Rijsbergen is the best option but when the 'slaves come under pressure he might not have what it takes.

Left Backs
6: Calem O`Rourke: No one rated him during WC17 and it doesn't look like Cay is going to get a chance to make up for it this time round. O`Rourke is a good attacking full-back but he'll have a job on his hands trying to wrestle his place away from a certain 16 year old...

16: Oran Crevan: Crevan's transfer to Aquiliana's Nova Malta has raised his game so much and the young-gun has taken his place in the Audioslavian side as a result. Although like Rijsbergen he is a natural midfielder, Crevan's speed and stature have earned him a place as another attacking full-back in Ward's team.

18: Richard Keary: Another midfielder-turned left-back, Keary is another option for the role but, like in the Vollmeria game, will probably be picked as a midfielder. If he gets picked at all of course...

N/A: Cole O`Brien: Still under 30, but O`Brien hasn't even made the squad. Had a free-role in the first few qualifiers last time round, but O`Brien failed to impress and yo-yoed in and out of the side. Ward seems to have cut the yo-yo string for WC18 and has left him out.

Centre-Halfs
3: Didi Romanov: Audioslavia captain Didi Romanov is the second-oldest player on the team at the ripe old age of 33. Another product of the Audio-Melly connection, Romanov's place as first-choice defender has come under fire from some unlikely competition, and the player sat out the 'slaves first match against Vollmeria.

5: Greigs Johnstone: Just 23 years old, Johnstone is probably Audioslavia's best centre-half. Brilliant in WC17, Johnstone has age on his side and should be a mainstay at the back

23: Zareh Artaxiad: At 27 the Raiden defender is pushing it a little in terms of making an international debut, but nevertheless Artaxiad pushed Romanov out of the side for the Vollmeria game and put up a good performance. He's been left out of the line-up for the Tadjikistan match but dont count on him sitting it out for too long.

Central Midfield
The real battle for places is here:

4: Jodey Tessem and 8: Karl Tanner The WC17 stars with the fiery tempers, Tessem and Tanner were pipped to be ever-present in the Audioslavian midfield for years. Ward thinks otherwise, and has left the both of them out of the first eleven. At 29 and 27 respectively the two are in their peak, so Ward better have his reasons. At the moment, his reasons are....

16: Oran Crevan
19: Revelin Cailan
20: Coalan Fox: The Caylerden trio are getting in ahead of the Tessem/Tanner axis. Although Crevan gets played at left-back, Fox and Cailan have pipped Tanner and Tessem for the midfield places. They have the advantage of being seven odd years younger than their midfield counterparts, but whether they have the class to keep the two out is another matter. Expect Fox/Cailan to alternate with Tessem/Tanner every so often as one or the other's form drops.

18: Richard Keary: Can play in defence, but midfield is Keary's strong point. A strong player if not a sparkly one, Keary made the midfield for the Vollmeria game at Fox's expense (does that make Tanner and Tessem 4th/5th choices?!?!) but don't expect him to be too much of a regular there.

11: Alexander Marriot: Too good to leave out. Period. Marriot was seventeen when he helped Audioslavia past the group stages of WC17 and at 21 he's still learning. A better attacking midfielder than Tanner and Fox, Marriot can also play as a striker and a winger, scoring from a right-forward position against Vollmeria.

N/A: William Kennedy: Part of the olympic side but left out of the proffessional side, Kennedy is a good player but the sheer wealth of talent in the midfield means that he doesn't even get a look-in to the squad.

Left Wing
21: Aidey Jaynes: At 30 Jaynes is also at his peak, but Jaynes is yet another veteran to fall by the wayside. Wasn't the 'slaves best player during WC17 and it looks like he's paying for it.

14: Arie Jansen: The 17 year old wonder-kid from Raiden. Jansen's electric pace put him ahead of Jaynes in the pecking order and also earned him the covetted number 14 shirt. Jansen will keep his place as long as Jaynes doesn't do anything too special.

16: Oran Crevan: His second-favourite position, despite playing at left-back Crevan will probably get forward as much as Jansen, and if worse comes to worse he's an easy replacement for either of the above two players.

Right Wing
7: Cayle Johansen: Missed the first couple of WC17 qualifiers but was everpresent from then on, Johansen, like Jaynes, was good but not spectacular in WC17 and has been replaced.

20: Coalan Fox: More of a central player and not as speedy as Johansen, Fox's position as first-choice right-midfielder is probably due to Audioslavia's midfield being concentrated in the centre of the field. Fox is a better all-round footballer than Johansen but if he fails to get forward enough the manager may replace him

11: Alexander Marriot: Started off as a right-midfielder but has since moved to become more attack-minded. Marriot can slip into the position with ease.

Strikers
10: Danny Bracken: A mainstay in attack until last week, at 34 he's the oldest outfield player but, in the same way that boxers never lose their punch, Bracken never loses his eye for goal. Bracken's pride will be in tatters after being left out of a three man midfield (something which might make him believe he's gone from first-choice striker to fourth or fifth). The decision to leave Danny Bracken out of the first team will possibly be the most controversial that Paul Ward will ever make. If things start going to pot, expect the big number ten to get more and more games.

17: Oliver Dannes: The ex-under21 striker scored an amazing hat-trick against Vollmeria and will almost certainly be in the side to face Tadjikistan. At 20 he has youth on his side but, amazingly, is still the oldest out-and-out striker that Audioslavia have with the exception of Bracken.

9: Jackie McLLroy: The Phoenix striker will be desperate to get on the score-sheet after a dissappointing opening game. At 18, McLLroy has all the time in the world to become first choice, and is expected to form a partnership with Dannes when Bracken retires.

11: Alexander Marriot: The 21-year old played as a forward against Vollmeria and proved that the position is as natural to him as anything. Won't be up front too often, but can play there comfortably.

15: Daley Black: Who? Black is a late addition to the squad and is an exciting winger who is breaking into his Phoenix F.C. first team. 17-year-old Black is a left-footed alternative to the left-forward if Audioslavia revert back to 4-3-3.

N/A: James Laver, William Ryder: Nowhere to be seen despite good seasons for their clubs.

The current line-up suggests that the likes of Bracken, Jaynes and Johansen will continue to be overlooked in favour of the younger generation. Only time will tell if Ward is making the right decision.

I've been Jeremy Jaffacake, g'nite bitches.

Qualifying Matchday 2 scores have been posted. (http://forums2.jolt.co.uk/showthread.php?p=7319488&posted=1#post7319488)

Terrible Secod game lose, SFF still confident on the rule of Mohamed Fuhrer
By somalialand press servie

Somalialand gets a second Game beating from the vetrans The lowland clans, it was very sad that we lost but the team was prepared to the fullest of the Emplyees and everyone else Including me,

Some People Rumored Somalialand now may Even loose the covered third place Finish, The Red Dot has won their Second game, and now Somalialand come on its path to win, Is that going to make them any closer to victory over Somalialand

The Third game gives somalialand no choice but win it, You see the reds are quit Interresting team in that they win with convincing numbers but the teams most interesting thing are the player, their orginazational skills are less than pleasing, they get almost all their funding from a goverment group and the goverment's economy is less pleasing, which means that the Goverment can let go of the team and its fundings, this is where the trouble comes, who will fund the reds in their world cup dream.

Somalialand on the other hand comes with exceptional players like the reds, with LUURE and SUMAYE going at the reds. there is no chance they will win the next game due to the poor efforts to completely destroy the opposing teams in their last two games

The reds had a good chance of completely Eracating their opponents but they have not and that gives somalialand a chance to sneak in couple of goals and win the third game

Rumers of Firing


The citizens and the wealthy Press owners have filled the air in somalialand with a news that if they dont shape up the SFF may fire the current coach,

Coach Furer has tried to completely finish those rumores and said Its non-sense in his daily news press confrence

Its non-sense also said the SFF, they wanted to make furer not feel the rumors were true

Coach furer is now at the training camp in somalialand and now is said to be packing on his way to One red dot Capital city

The reds are a third world country with an imploded economy so we have decided to take all of our needs with us in the capital city,

the reds are surrounded with a heavy mix of players and football lovers

Efforts to change

Efforts to change is a siries that will start a soon as the game with the reds is finished

Will be starting with goverment change on the first part
then go to football world, after that we will be documenting africa, then we shall go to the last part whic is going to about world cup and its Teams and orginazations

TEN Has Fast Start

Strike Birds Win First Two Matches

Ed. Note:

Due to time zone differences, and a broken newpaper print, the story about the last two games have been merged.

The Strike Birds have started off this cup with a goal scoring flurry, scoring 6 compared to only giving up 1 in two wins, a 3-0 win over Ashibot at home, and a 3-1 win over Krytenia on their pitch. It was all Siggy Secour in the first match as he scored his second international hat trick in fine fashion leaving over 80,000 screaming Nest fans happy.

the second match at Krytenia was much more in doubt until late in the second half. The Nest was tied 1-1 on a goal by Krytenia's star forward and an equalizer by Mario Gratunia, the second part of The Nest's big three. Only Horace, the former mascot of BSE Free Bovines had not scored this cup, and he came out in a flurry with 15 minutes left in the second half.

After a yellow card on both Krytenia's #7 (name unknown) and the Nest's Glim Graerstiow, the restart went to the Nest, and Horace capitalized witha massive blast (green cloud and all) that knocked out the defense as the ball came flying at the goal and bouced in easily to make the game 2-1. Krytenia spent the next 5 minutes on oxygen to get themselves ready for the final push and had 3 good chances to tie, but Nest goalkeeper Boyd Gregor was up to the challenge and stopped all three, the third led to a break out counterattack that gave Secour a shot on goal that was mishandled by the Krytenian goalkeeper and kicked back in by Horace to score his second of the day. With the win the Nest only trailed Kaze Progressa by goal differential for the lead of the group. The Nest has a critical game against 57th ranked Spurland before heading to Fmjphoenix. After that is the critical showdown with Kaze Progressa on the Birds' home pitch.

Also, it was reported that the Nest satellite, Vorpal Bunnies won their first ever international match. More will be reported later.


Pos Team P W D L F A GD Pts PP
1 Kaze Progressa 2 2 0 0 8 1 7 6 42
2 The Eagles Nest 2 2 0 0 6 1 5 6 42
3 Snub Nose 38 2 1 1 0 3 2 1 4 40
4 Spurland 2 1 0 1 2 2 0 3 39
5 Krytenia 2 1 0 1 4 5 -1 3 39
6 Fmjphoenix 2 0 1 1 2 6 -4 1 37
7 Qia 2 0 0 2 2 4 -2 0 36
8 Ashibot 2 0 0 2 0 6 -6 0 36


The Eagle's Nest Strike Bird Qualification Run
Matchday 1: The Eagle's Nest vs. Ashibot Win 3-0
Matchday 2: The Eagle's Nest @ Krytenia Win 3-1
Matchday 3: The Eagle's Nest vs. Spurland
Matchday 4: The Eagle's Nest @ Fmjphoenix
Matchday 5: The Eagle's Nest vs. Kaze Progressa
Matchday 6: The Eagle's Nest @ Snub Nose 38
Matchday 7: The Eagle's Nest vs. Qia
-----------------------------------------------------
Matchday 8: The Eagle's Nest @ Ashibot
Matchday 9: The Eagle's Nest vs. Krytenia
Matchday 10: The Eagle's Nest @ Spurland
Matchday 11: The Eagle's Nest vs. Fmjphoenix
Matchday 12: The Eagle's Nest @ Kaze Progressa
Matchday 13: The Eagle's Nest vs. Snub Nose 38
Matchday 14: The Eagle's Nest @ Qia



*in a dark room*

Shadowry Figure: Thus it starts again.

Lackey: yes sir. and the Bunnies?

SF: Let them play as they can. we need to focus on the Birds.

L: what about the RP machine?

SF: get it installed in Silver Flame Arena before that next match. We need to get it field tested out of storage before the match against Kaze.

L: Yes sir.

SF: Oh, and if you can find a referree that would like to ....talk to me about some financial stability, let me know.

L: Yes sir. *turns and leaves.*

SF: Bunnies beat Kingsford. wow.


Group 4 World Rankings Released.

With the KPB World Rankings released, the group looks harder than it did before the rankings were annouced. Three teams in the top 25 in the world are in group 4:

Group 4
The Eagles Nest (5)
Kaze Progressa (17)
Krytenia (25)
Snub Nose 38 (46)
Spurland (57)
Qia (74)
Fmjphoenix (87)
Ashibot (122)

Vorpal Bunnies Wins First International Match

Kingsford Own Goal Costly

It's the Bunnies. Right? Can't win a game. Didn't do it ONCE in World Cup 17. Tie? nope. Easy three points if you have them.

Only if you don't bump the ball into your own net by accident with 2 minutes left in the game.

Kingsford did that. The Bunnies still can't figure out how to score a goal. So Kingsford did it for them. In their rush to try to get a goal to get the win instead of an embarassing tie, the Kingsford keeper rushed the set up and accidently kicked it into the back of one of his own defenders, the bouncing ball went straight into the net.

Police say all fires have been put out and order restored to theisland.

Will the Bunnies win another? Pobably not. But you never know.

Two wins, but two silly mistakes
Leaky Starblaydi defence penetrated by Sonova Guns

It took Simeone Di Bradini just thirteen minutes to score his twenth-fifth goal for Starblaydia, an incredible landmark in Starblaydi footballing history. Eomer Hall also made is mark on the proceedings just ten minutes later when he clocked up his sixteenth International goal, making Starblaydia's current front two the most prolific strikers in Starblaydi History, above the fifteen scored by the legendary Nikola 'Laser' Lazerevski, who managed fifteen.

Starblaydia then, quite predictably, cruised for the rest of the match, though the away fans in the Sonovan stadium desperately wanted a rout. It came down to more seemingly-random subsitutions from Guylain N'Dumbu-Nsungu that led to the Sonova Goal, as Right-back Ceri Salibury and Defending-Midfielder Roberto Di Bradini were swapped in a seemingly like-for-like with Lucas Palmer and Jerome Montefalcon, the Under-21 Captain.

Though young Montefalcon performed admirably for the final half-hour, Palmer's over-eagerness to usurp Salisbury's Number-2 shirt was his downfall. As Tissot attacked, Palmer overlapped. Standard fare you might think, but this time Bachchan was already up the pitch. With two full-backs up front, leaving only three defenders, it wasn't too hard for the Sonvans to find enough space to get in their onlly dangerous shot of the evening in, with promptly beat Rodriguez Da Silva after a deflection off Paul Nicholson's toes. For Sonova, Deville was credited with the goal.

Two goals conceded in two games against two of the smallest and, on the surface, least dangerous teams in the group does not bode well for Starblaydia's Qualification Campaign, unless they shape up, they might find themselves shipping out.

Final Score from Sonova:
Sonova 1 - 2 Starblaydia
(Deville 74) - (S. Di Bradini 13, Hall 24)


Group 10

Pos Team P W D L GF GA GD Pts
1 Liverpool England 2 2 0 0 6 1 5 6
*2* Starblaydia 2 2 0 0 4 2 2 6
3 Nova Britannicus 2 1 1 0 6 4 2 4
4 The Evil Umpire 2 1 0 1 3 4 -1 3
5 Aquiliana 2 0 1 1 3 4 -1 1
6 The Latin Union 2 0 1 1 3 4 -1 1
7 Halfassedstates 2 0 1 1 2 3 -1 1
8 Sonova 2 0 0 2 1 6 -5 0

The Novan Daily News
Distrubted in Tuncastle, Widdrington, Montepool, Hernsworth, Foxchester and Beverington
Third from the... TOP?!

By Rupert Smythe, our man for all the World Cup News

After these two matches, if the Navy Blues rested sixth with one point with, perhaps, a battling draw with the Evil Umpire, they'd look on their two matches and think: 'that's not bad for our first performances', all would be right with the world.

The real situation, however, is that if the Qualification were to end right now, Nova Britannicus would be going to the World Cup. Yes, crazy it may sound, we know, but the little guns of they Navy-Blues are firing just a little less loudly than the whacking-great big ones of Liverpool England and Starblaydia.

Nova Britannicus have not registered four goals on the scoresheet in their twenty-three international games before this one. The Twenty-Fourth game comes around and the Navy-Blues hammer four past a somewhat less-than-intimidating 'Evil' Umpire side. Charlie Bowman weighed in with two more to take his record to fourteen, the second of which was a penalty after Kenny England was sent sprawling in the eighteen-yard box.

Midfielder Bob Richmond popped up from a corner with the third, while substitute William Manney's half-volley before the end sealed it for Nova Britannicus on his home ground of the Raider's Den. This is where Starblaydi Alpha Division side Foxchester Raiders, self-styled 'Pride of Nova Britannicus' play ther matches, and it is to host Starblaydia as well in the fourth matchday.

Next, however, Tuncastle Rover's ground will see the arrival of The Latin Union, who will be looking for vengance on their 3-1 defeat in the Quarter-Finals of the Baptism of Fire. Though Nova Britannicus have conceded a less-than-healthy 38 goals in 24 games, they've only failed to score on three occasions so far. That's the benefits of five up front, we assume.


Other Group Ten Results on Matchday 2:
Aquiliana 1-2 Liverpool England
Sonova 1-2 Starblaydia
The Latin Union 2-2 Halfassedstates

Fmjphoenix still winless, but gets first points in qualifying round
By Allen Newhouse

The Fmjphoenix Vikings narrowly avoided an 0-0-2 start and winds up with a draw against a tough Snub Nose 38 team, 1-1. The first 45 minutes were very boring, as only 6 totals shots were taken by boths teams, only 2 of them by the Vikings. Forward Bugs Bunny for the Snubian team nearly took advantage of a mistake by Viking goalkeeper Adam Larouse when he tripped over his cleets when moving to the side, but Bugs Bunny overshot the goal by 3 inches.

When the second half opened up, Fmjphoenix immediatly went on the attack and nearly scored a two goals were in not for the excellent blocking by Snubian goalkeeper Elmer Fudd. But he could not stop all of them as forward Mike Nolan fired a shot past Fudd for the Vikings only goal at 87'30. Snub Nose 38 got their goal at 52' when Speedy Gonzalez rushed by defender Boby Bash and put it out of reach of Adam Larouse.

Now with Fmjphoenix eagerly ready to move back home to play Qia in what they hope will be their first win in the qualifying round.

"We played a good game today. I think we missed a few opportunities, but so did those guys(snub nose 38)." Coach Wash said immediatly after the game, "Now that this one is over and done, all we can do is focus on the next game and see what Qia does in their games to try and learn what we can do to win."

Speedy Gonzalez 52'
Mike Nolan 87'30

Fmjphoenix [1] - Snub Nose 38 [1]

Referees:
Richard Griffen
Tom Terrific

Group Four Standings

Pos Team P W D L GF GA GD Pts
1 Kaze Progessa 2 2 0 0 8 1 7 6
2 The Eagles Nest 2 2 0 0 6 1 5 6
3 Snub Nose 38 2 1 1 0 3 2 1 4
4 Spurland 2 1 0 1 2 2 0 3
5 Krytenia 2 1 0 1 4 5 -1 3
6 Fmjphoenix 2 0 1 1 2 6 -4 1
7 Qia 2 0 0 2 2 4 -2 0
8 Ashibot 2 0 0 2 0 6 -6 0

EL CID NEWS.
NEWS YOU CAN USE.

sports news

A GOOD START

EL CID THE HERO 3 (CUMBERLAND 23 NORICE 36 TROTTER 76)
The Gulf States 2 (? 46,50)

the first match of the WC and El Cid the hero are looking as strong as they did 4 years ago. however the match was not as one sided as Chris Skinner and the Cid lions would have liked.

Starting the match with a kick El Cid striker Harid Norice just mised a long strike from 40 yards. Geting fead by Crick from el cids half and with the opp keeper off his line he let fly. The blast from Norice hit the cross-bar ending that attack.

The lions however didn't have to wate long for their acount to be open when Cumberland got into the box from a run from the center and sloted the ball into the net. 1-0 El Cid

The match was begining to look oneside with el cid the hero keeping the ball in for most of the match. The Gulf States defence however held firm and didn't brake untill the 36th min when Norice more then made up for his missed at the start of the match by intercepting the ball from a Gulf States player in his box and botted it into the top corner. 2-0 to ECTH

As the game was half way through the lions were soundid happy. In a half time interview Barry Trotter said that "we are playing well so far. We are good in defence and attackand i sure we will win"

The match seamed to go from one sided to a dead heat when The Gulf States geting back on equal tearms with two goals in 5 mins put the game in dout and only a quick block from Roy Hunter stoped the States going one up. however a quick thinking Barry Trotter decidid to get a defection off the ref. sending the keeper the wrong way and ending with El Cid having a 3-2 lead.

With this victory the Cid lions were looking good. and it only got better.

EL CID THE HERO 3 (DENT 7,56 TROTTER 34)
Melmond 1 (?27)

With capatain Terry Nevile sufering a ban, Homer Dent had some Big boots to full and felt that this match was important for him to prove he was right for the job. "it's a big job youknow and to do this job you have to be good" said Dent in a pre-match interview "i have no douts about myself or my form but i have my douts about how the media will look at how me and Nevile compaire.

Acting as if he was out to prove a point Dent got a goal in just 7 mins into the match, A goal kick from Niemi by-passed the defence and with Dent with a one to one with the keeper and he never misses shots like that.

Melmond, however was not willing to give up and for the most part gave the lond a run for their money. and in the 27th min it was back to square one whe Melmond, the 3rd place team in the last WC got one passed the el cid defence and David Niemi.

With this goal the game was finely balenced with no one team getting to much of the ball. the only intresting bit was when Brown was take down in the box and Trotter was the one to take it. with the keeper going the wrong way it was an easy goal for Trotter. 2-1 to el cid at half time

The 2nd half was very much a mid-feald battle with no side domanation. However the deadlock was broken in the 56th min when Brown free kicked the ball into the Melmond box and Dent was their to direct it into the net.

3-1 to El cid

will El cid extend their good run. keep reading to find out.


::WC18 Qualifying Schedule::
MD01: EL CID THE HERO V The Gulf States W 3-2
MD02: EL CID THE HERO 3 V 1 Melmond W 3-1
MD03: EL CID THE HERO V Oceaice
MD04: Esth V EL CID THE HERO
MD05: EL CID THE HERO V Allsio
MD06: EL CID THE HERO V Raptor Claw
MD07: EL CID THE HERO V NASTIC 2
MD08: The Gulf StatesV EL CID THE HERO
MD09: MelmondV EL CID THE HERO
MD10: OceaiceV EL CID THE HERO
MD11: EL CID THE HERO V Esth
MD12: Allsio V EL CID THE HERO
MD13: Raptor Claw V EL CID THE HERO
MD14: NASTIC 2 V EL CID THE HERO

Stars draw angers Wilson, team

The Sarzonian national team figured to get an easy three points against a Spalatium side that was not expected to be a threat to qualify for the World Cup finals. Interim Coach Dave Wilson started his first choice 11 against the team and expected the team to be focused. However, the Stars played sluggishly and ended up rallying from behind to draw the match 2-2.

The Stars found themselves in a 2-0 hole just 12 minutes into the match and Wilson was forced to insert reserve forward Kenny Cooper in for defender Mike Coyle when Coyle sprained his ankle.

"We just didn't play the kind of football we're supposed to be able to play," Wilson said. The Sarzonian coach was uncharacteristically serious throughout the press conference.

"This is not a time for jokes," Wilson said. "We played like dirt against a team that isn't very good. I'm not going to mince words here, this was a match we should have won easily.

"We've got a brutal match coming up away to Commerce Heights and we can't play like this against the 15th ranked team in the world and expect to get a result. This match could come back to haunt us later."

The Stars got one goal back just before first half injury time began when midfielder Darwin Russell split the Spalatium defense and chipped a shot that just glided above the outstretched glove of the goalkeeper. The goal seemed to lift the spirits of the Stars, who were out of sorts after the two goals.

"Darwin's goal was huge," forward and team captain Brian Wilson said. "We really could have been in trouble if we went into the dressing room down 2-0, but after playing as poorly as we did, to be down only one goal was huge."

The Stars drew the match level 2-2 after forward Kenny Cooper skied for a header after Brian Wilson won a head ball in the 18 yard box. He outjumped a taller Spalatium defender, which drew the ire of the Spalatium coach.

"I just wanted it more than the other guy," Cooper said.

The Stars face second seeded Commerce Heights in the first match since a controversy surrounding media coverage of the Commerce Heights-Sarzonia match in Woodstock's Hendrix Stadium. Dave Wilson dismissed suggestions that referee Richard Griffin of Fmjphoenix would be bought off by Commerce Heights.

"If we start getting that crap in our heads, we've got more problems on our hand than two lost [standings] points." Wilson angrily denied reports that the Incorporated Football Federation sent $10 million to the scorinators.

"We don't play dirty football," Wilson said in a clipped tone before abruptly leaving the press conference.

Squornshelous Wins a close one over 7th place team

Pschychoes underachieve but still come away victorious
Squornshelous took on the national team from Sarcodina in Matchday 2 and didn't perform very well at all. However, they were still able to capitalize on their scoring opportunities and come away with a win.

Game Higlights:

11th Minute:
Sarcodina shocks Squornshelous by scoring the first goal. They dribble down the right sideline, helped by missed tackles by Jorge Cardonez and Earvin Jones. The cross came in just inside the box and (striker) met it perfectly with his instep. Perez made a diving effort but he couldn't get a hand on the ball.


23rd Minute:
Another scoring chance for Sarcodina, (midfielder) makes Travis Delmore miss and dribbles quickly into scoring range, he passes outside to (striker) but it is intercepted by Earvin Jones and cleared to safety.

28th Minute:
Sarcodina almost score again, (striker) beats Harrisson on the outside and sends it in toward the net, but his shot goes just wide.

31st Minute:
Substitution for Squornshelous:
Barry Park comes in for Quentin Harrisson
Karl Mironov comes in for Jorge Cardonez

42nd Minute:
Squonrshelous gets their first good scoring chance on a corner kick, Cardonez' header goes off the post and Rodolfo Puente misses with the rebound.

45th Minute:
Halftime: 0-1 Sarcodina
Squornshelous Substitution:
Jonas Park comes in for Otto Friedel

52nd Minute:
Squornshelous Score! Cardonez makes a questionable tackle, but no call is made by Aquilianan referee Sicuus Registides. In the split second that (midfielder) spends protesting the call, Cardonez connects with Raskolnikov upfield, catching the defense flat-footed. Raskolnikov puts it in for his fourth goal of the tournament.

60th Minute:
An extremely questionable non-call as (striker) shoves Barry Park after Park took the ball away and cleared it.

73rd Minute:
Raskolnikov comes so close to putting Squornshelous ahead when his shot goes off the crossbar and bounces back out. However, (keeper) beats him to the rebound and kicks it out to midfield.

81st Minute:
Puente puts Squornshelous ahead with a corner kick goal! Raskonikov's shot was knocked up over the net by (keeper) to cause the kick. Mironov sends a perfect ball looping in to the top of the box, where Bjorn Arnesson waits. Arnesson heads it over to the backdoor position occupied by Puenre who easily taps it in behind the keeper.

92nd Minute:
Squornshelous Victorious, but just barely. (striker) comes in alone on a Raskonikov style breakaway and lets loose his best shot on net, but Perez times his leap perfectly, and catches the ball. Registides had been glancing at his watch and was obviously waiting for the result of the play before ending the game. As the ball left Perez' foot, he blew the final whistle


Final Score:
Squornshelous 2-1 Sarcodina

Scoring Summary:
SA: (striker) [11]
SQ: Raskolnikov [52]
SQ: Puente [81]

Referee:
Sicuus Registides [1:9] -Aquiliana-

Squornshelous' Scorers:
Raskolnikov: 4
Arnesson: 1
Castillan: 1
Puente: 1

Up Next:
Squornshelous' next game will be against Wella. We have never played this side in football before. In fact the only sports contact we have ever had with Wella is their participation in Don Cherry Cup 6, hosted by Squornshelous.
Predicted Score: Squornshelous 2-0 Wella

Squornshelous' Qualifying Schedule:
wins losses draws

MD01: Squornshelous 5-1 Finrods
MD02: Sarcodina 2-1 Squornshelous
MD03: Squornshelous v Wella
MD04: Artoonia v Squornshelous
MD05: Svecia v Squornshelous
MD06: Dennisov v Squornshelous
MD07: Squornshelous v Oddslavo
MD08: Finrods v Squornshelous
MD09: Squornshelous v Sarcodina
MD10: Wella v Squornshelous
MD11: Squornshelous v Artoonia
MD12: Squornshelous v Svecia
MD13: Squornshelous v Dennisov
MD14: Oddslavo v Squornshelous



Group 7 standings after Matchday 2:

Pos Team P W D L GF GA GD Pts
1 Squornshelous 2 2 0 0 7 2 5 6
2 Artoonia 2 2 0 0 6 2 4 6
3 Svecia 2 2 0 0 5 1 4 6
4 Oddslavo 2 1 0 1 4 3 1 3
5 Wella 2 1 0 1 3 5 -2 3
6 Dennisov 2 0 0 2 2 5 -3 0
7 Sarcodina 2 0 0 2 1 5 -4 0
8 Finrods 2 0 0 2 3 8 -5 0

Falcons Fall To Liverpool
Unfortunate, but not unexpected

Aquiliana wasn't supposed to win, much like last time.

Unlike last time, they didn't.

All those who attended the Aquiliana-Liverpool England match Sunday would say it was a great game, with both teams playing to the top of their abilities. Which meant, of course, that LE had the edge and, in fact, did win the close game, 2-1.

Coach Ed wasn't particularly happy with the result, but he wasn't exactly disappointed, either.

"The boys played really well, but they were just overmatched in this game," he said afterwards. "Now historically, Liverpool has tended to get fatigued in the second round of qualifying, while we start to turn on our jets. So we'll just ahve to see what's going to happen."

Despite it being early in the qualifiers, many fans are starting to become worried, having expected at least 1 win in the first two matches. Perhaps the people were expecting more than it was rational to expect, but the Falcons' next game, against Sonova, should ease their fears somewhat. However, you can't take anything for granted in this tournament - the Sonovian team has given up 6 goals already, while only scoring 1 - but that was against the top 2 teams in the group. Aquiliana can't come out flat, or else they won't come out with 3 points.

Final Score:
Aquiliana 1 (Manigilus 41)
Liverpool England 2 (29, 66)

The Gameday Report

Monday's game should be much easier on the hearts of Aquilian fans, against the unranked Sonova. Unranke teams have historically been unable to conjure up many points, but they still are capable of pulling upsets, so the Falcons will have to watch out. Look for the 4-3-3 to make one last appearance before the 4-4-2 will likely take over for the rest of the World Cup.

Doma Artola, with a capacity of 93,000, is the largest stadium in the nation. The annual Farca-Farca Utd battles always sell out, and with Farca United's recent League championship, the house should be simply packed, even for such an opponent as Sonova.

Predictions:

Drew - Aquiliana 4-0
Mitch - Aquiliana 2-1
Curt - Aquiliana 1-0


MATCH SCHEDULE

MD1: Aquiliana 2-2 Nova Brittanicus (Cärnirässe National, AC Igneas)
MD2: Aquiliana 1-2 Liverpool England (Belua Memorial Field, Nidola FC)
MD3: Aquiliana vs. Sonova (Doma Artola, Farca City)
MD4: The Evil Umpire vs. Aquiliana
MD5: Aquiliana vs. The Latin Union (Vivarium Sciunti, Sciuntus FC)
MD6: Aquiliana vs. Starblaydia (Altissima National, Altissima)
MD7: Aquiliana vs. Halfassedstates (Inexpugna, Ubertas FC)
MD8: Nova Brittanicus vs. Aquiliana
MD9: Liverpool England vs. Aquiliana
MD10: Sonova vs. Aquiliana
MD11: Aquiliana vs. The Evil Umpire (Stadia Cuperta, Nova Malta FC)
MD12: The Latin Union vs. Aquiliana
MD13: Starblaydia vs. Aquiliana (Hallad City Stadium, Hallad Reavers)
MD14: Halfassedstates vs. Aquiliana

The Nest was tied 1-1 on a goal by Krytenia's star forward

...

After a yellow card on both Krytenia's #7 (name unknown)

FYI, a roster was posted (alas, Beddy/Eauz have not yet had the time to link it). The "star forward" is Colin Ulvæus, and the Celestials' #7 is veteran Wes Byers.

Proper RP will appear here later.

OOC: Very sorry, no RP today. Have lots of RL homework to clear. Will combine my RP with tomorrow's.

Lord Mackintosh yawned as he sat down at his desk. Hius job was becoming slightly more hectic, as the World Cup qualifiers had just begun. One of his deputies by the name Peter O'Gannon, stuck his head in and knocked on the door. "Come on in O'Gannon," said Mackintosh, motioning to the chair in front his desk. O'Gannon had a folder with several papers in his hand. "What are those?" asked Mackintosh.
"These are the press bulletins from the various matches that we've been watching over the last couple of days," said O'Gannon. Mackintosh snorted as he came to the Somalialand reports.
"I seriously want to know what their whole country is smoking..." muttered Mackintosh under his breath. He finished going through them and looked up a O'Gannon. 'What about our press briefs?"
"Right here sir," as he handed him the papers.

Graham City Sun - Stars take first game, ready for Somalialand

GRAHAM CITY - The Allied States pwn3d Malundia in todays game, which was widely expected and predicted by all. Manager Terry Fleury said in a post-game press conference "This was expected, tomorrow will be a good indicator of how our team will do." Todays game was pretty much dominated by the Stars, who took an early defensive error by a Malundian defender and turned it into a goal, with Niko Ijas putting the final touches on the play. The first half continued to be dominated by the Stars, with five shots on goal withing ten minutes of the first goal. The Stars got another excellent chance when they intercepted a pass from Steven Akerfedlt, and Chris Rose, younger brother of former midfielder Orlando Rose, took it and lay a beautiful cross, right onto the head of Peter Bearclaw, who put it past Zack Blok.

The game continued with even more chances from the Stars, with ten more shots on goal just in the last twenty minutes. The ball possesion was nearly a hundred percent in favor of the Stars. In the fourty third minute, a dangerous spike-first tackle sent Kassen Illius off, with Darren Fungsten coming on to replace. His first chance to play in a international game, his debut went well and he took advantage of another weak pass from Akerfedlt, to place the ball on the boot of Keving Landingham, whose massive foot has not gotten any smaller in his old age. Notch up one for the home team.

TLC Stars 3 - 0 Malundia
Ijas (10th, no Assist)
Bearclaw (24th, Rose Assist)
Landingham (Fungsten Assits)

Mackintosh nodded. "Looks good, what about our game today with Somalialand?" O'Gannon shook his head and chuckled as he handed him the newspaper clipping.


Graham City Sun - Stars take n00b down to size, Illius over cleet-up tackle

MOGADISHU, SOMALIALAND - Kassen Illius, monolithic is his tall, silent looks and in his even dominant physical play on the field, couldn't totally shrug of a brutal cleet-up tackle he received two days ago when playing Malundia in the Stars first qualifying game of this cup. Illius played today, though doctors were worried his leg might collapse should he be hit wrong on any kind of challenge. But judging from his play, the midfielder won't be missing any games anytime soon. Despite the scoreline, the Stars dominated every facet of the game, taking a massive total of twenty-three shots on goal during the entire game. Unable to stop the assault of the much more talented and experienced Stars.

Illius took advantage of a bad pass from 'star' Ahmed Luure, to take it in the goal, popping over the horribly executed slide tackle, also from a star defender, from Gali Ahmed. He avoided the tackle and took the ball, and took a beautiful shot that curved into the far post, and passed the outstretched hands of keeper Murre. Illius continued his solid play throughout the game, narrowly missing several chances that clearly should've gone in. The defenders haven't had much to do over these qualifying matches, and that trend looks to continue until the Stars play Vilita in two weeks.
TLC Stars 1 - 0 Somalialand
Illius (13th, no Assist)


"Hmmm, this looks like it's going to turn out good. We need to watch One Red Dot, because they look like they are going to be the biggest threat to our qualifying chances," muttered Mackintosh.
"I'll make sure that Fleury gets all the appropriate footage to practice with." said O'Gannon as he nodded and left the room.

Youngster's help to break unhappy record

D2R Finally score over 4 goals in a competetive match!

Match-Day 2 saw the Revolutionaries travel to unranked Tippman. Again highly favoured to win, and again D2R should really start how they finish.

Tippman won the toss and gained kickoff. D2R seemed to let Tippman's <9> run through them and just have a go to warm up 21 year old 'keeper Verdio Day. He didn't quite do that, as he buried the ball past Day after an amazing 37 second run. 1-0 to Tippman.

The Equaliser came 16 minutes later, Maeda crossed a ball across the floor, Trix looked to to leave it run through his legs, but at the last minute flicked the ball goalwards, leaving the goalkeeper helpless as it hit the inside-side netting. 1-1.

Über brought his team the lead after 37 minutes, taking the ball from the half way line, slipping it through 2 defenders legs and then chipping the keeper for 2-1.

Tippman switched to a 5-1-3-1 to keep away the onslaught from D2R and attempt to hit D2R on the counter attack. This tactic held D2R until the 76th minute. When Über broke a strange offside trap defensive formation from a long ball from Maeda Jnr. and took the keeper the wrong way, 3-1 to the Revolutionaries.

Über repayed the favour with a through ball for Maeda Jnr., who flicked the ball up from the floor and headed it over the outcoming keeper for 4-1.

This was looking to be the final result as Tippman switched to a 7-1-2, and D2R were looking to keep their 3 goal advantage over Tippman, but in the last minute of Stoppage Time, Maeda ran into the box and was sandwiched between <6> and <4>, who were both Yellow-carded and the ball was placed on the spot.

Über took the penalty, thumping it against the bar, the ball went skyward and Über got it when it dropped with a beautiful overhead kick, the way he did it, you'd think he meant it. 5-1 and D2R had broke the 116 game spell of only scoring a maximum of 4 goals a game.

Final Score
Tippman 1(<9> 1')
Dance 2 Revolution 5(Trix 17', Über 34', 76', 90'+3', Maeda Jnr., 83' *Über missed penalty 90+3'*)

After 2 games, The Group looks like this:


Pos Team P W D L GF GA GD Pts
1 Dance 2 Revolution 2 2 0 0 8 2 6 6
2 Lemmitania 2 2 0 0 3 0 3 6
3 Total n Utter Insanity 2 1 0 1 4 2 2 3
4 Big Pimento 2 1 0 1 3 2 1 3
5 The Weegies 2 1 0 1 2 2 0 3
6 Magnus Valerius 2 1 0 1 1 3 -2 3
7 Myrulesia 2 0 0 2 2 5 -3 0
8 Tippman 2 0 0 2 2 9 -7 0


Lemmitania defeated Total n Utter Insanity, something we hope to emulate come Match Day 5. The Weegies put behind their previous defeat after beating Myrulesia 2-1 and Big Pimento thumped Magnus Valerius 3-0.

Next Match Day: D2R will be trying to continue their unbeaten run to 3 games whilst The Weegies will be looking to follow up their win over Myrulesia. Will home advantage be a factor? We'll see!

And now when Revolutionary citizens hear 5-1, they don't think Starblaydia, they don't think Bedistan, they think Tippman! G-Nite

The (Less Than) Daily Druid

DRUIDS MAKE SHAKY START
But somehow remain unbeaten
Björn-Trevor Frederiksson on NEWI Cefn Druids 4 Vorpal Bunnies 3 and Turori 0 NEWI Cefn Druids 0

NEWI Cefn Druids have made a less than convincing start to their qualifying campaign for World Cup 18 in what appears to be one of the toughest groups to qualify from, on paper at least. After edging a seven goal thriller against the unfancied rabbits from some little island off The Eagles Nest, they drew un unimpressive blank on little island off the coast of Vilita.

To be honest, the Druids were 4-0 up against Vorpal Bunnies by half time, a hat-trick for Gessemschmitthaagen-Po showed that he can still play, and Trevor Law netting the other. However, at half time, the Druidish management substituted three players without bringing anybody else on.

Simon Greaves explained what appeared to be a crazy move to us after the match. "It was Amos Hinton, our defensive coach, who came up with the idea. I wanted to rest Po, Posters and Law, so I asked Amos who I should bring on in their places. He just said, "No, no, you don't want to put anyone on," so I didn't."

"Come to think of it, he starts everything he says with no. Perhaps I should get used to that."

As you can tell, the rest was almost costly for the eight men, as they gave away three goals in the second half, eventually only scraping through the game by four goals to three.

It seemed that Gessemschmitthaagen-Po, Law and Posters were all still resting as they travelled the short distance to Turori. None of them seemed to have much urge to do much at all, though the Turori defenders deserve a lot of credit. The Turori team as a whole has come on leaps and bounds over the past ten years or so, and for an island the size that it is to have gotten so good is an excellent achievement.

The only noteable attacking performance in a game dominated by two overpowering defences was that of Dan Northfleet, who created many a chance for the Druids strikers that were either missed or, more often than not, well cleared. A dull game, a dull scoreline and a dull match report to go with it.

The games don't get any easier for the Druids. Next up are Eystrck at The Hole. Home advantage should be enough to get the Druids through this one (it usually helps), but the early pacesetters in Group 2 will be no pushover. In fact, Group 2, which we already thought was the toughest of all the groups, is already appearing tougher than we thought. Former World Cup Winners and traditional favourites Kingsford haven't scored a point yet, while the expected group whipping boys, Eskrador, remain unbeaten. All I can say is if the Druids wangle their way out of this one, they'll not only have done well, but they'll be mighty lucky!

ooc: (sorry - hadda...) got to leave on a short, unforseen, business trip - where i will not be able to get on-line. must leave right now, back either tuesday late or wednesday. won't be able to rp till then. sorry.

The Tribune Tribune
Serving Druid Tribune and the surrounding area

SMITH TAKES CREDIT FOR EARLY SUCCESS
By Trefor Blackmore

The Druidan government claimed yesterday that they were the cause of the team's good form in their opening two games of their world cup qualifying campaign, saying that it was all down to their "Margaretisation" programme.

"Obviously, it must have had something to do with it!" was President Margaret Smith's response. "OK, it is still early days, but you have to say that the signs are promising."

When it was pointed out that the nation of the original "Margaret", Snub Nose 38, had only ever won a Founding Nations Cup, and he was asked why he thought that the programme was working in Druida, his answer was simple. "The more the merrier, that's what I always say."

Indeed. Well, on the pitch, the experience brought to the team by former Druids manager Trevor Kallins has proved more than fruitful, to the point where both sides have exactly the same record so far. What makes this even more of an achievement for Druida is that not only are they ranked over a hundred places below the Druids, but they have also faced, on the whole, tougher opposition.

An opening day draw in Cockbill Street, where Giant Zucchini-come-Rainbows star Urk scored two equalisers for the gritty Rainbows, was followed by a win against the various inbreds (is it safe legally to call them inbreds? They all seem to have the same surname, so they must be related, surely?) of Oaker. The win was, of course, aided by the old Sarzonian tactic of confusing teams that have lots of players with the same name by randomly shouting out that name to cause utter confusion amongst the opposition. It clearly worked, as Oaker became the second top-40 side to fail to overcome the humble Rainbows. Though how come substitute Garth Andrews' buttocks had to do with it, as they got in the way of an Oaker clearance, still remains negligable.

But the evidence is there for all to see. Druida, with their relatively inexperienced (except for their two Zucchinis) line-up seem to know no fear. Their manager, one of the more experienced ones out there, has them playing in a way that brings their fighting spirit and youthfull energy to the fore, and it is working well. The game against Kipto-Mare next will be a big one. If the Rainbows win it, then we know they're in business. If they don't, we'll begin to wonder how much of a flash in the pan these opening surprises were.




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Biggest repeal ever
On the day of the match between the Orange-Blues, the Orange-hite-Blue Regions qualified. Well, not for the World cup but for the Guiness Book of NationStates records: the highest number of passed laws (256) and the highest number of repealed laws (also 256) on one single day. First Lentine (head of state) Hangila Sede said: "It was the only way to handle the conflict with the lawyers. Maybe foreign investors are now a slight bit confused by the soccer craziness of our country, but well, we won 5:0." Police officer Maku Maku said to reporters: "That was the only way to stop them. i mean: we were trained to deal with hooligans, religous fanatics, amoc-drivers, but not with something as horrible as a troup of lawyers! The Rejistani parliament help us a great deal to fight these... lawyers and the Sikenian police can only thank them!"

A close win is a win
There are fans who like matches with many goals, who prefer 8:8 draws to 1:0 wins and for who all out attack is the best possible tactic. Then there are the rejistanis. Maybe Rejistania is one of the last hotbeds of defensive soccer: System Karela, Catenaccio, All Out Defense, no matter how you call the tactics of the Rejistanian national team , the concept remains. Most foreigners from countries like Cockbill Street can not understand it, but the rejistani fans actually like it. A good defense and the total destruction of all chances of the opponents is an as good reason to cheer as a good chance for a goal. With this basic cultural knowledge, you might understand why the match against Lovisa was considered to be a good match in Rejistania and considered to be boring in all other parts of the world. Coach SyLy decided for a 8-0-2 System Karela and Lovisa for a System Hangila (3-4-3). Foreign fans thought the only notable scene in the match was the counter-attack of Salakerijasamenatira Harakemindanutikejil and Ji Y, which led to the 1:0 in the 57th minute. But the Orange-Blue fans partied on the streets of KaMaRi kali until dawn.

The result:
Lovisa 0
Rejistania 1 (Harakemindanutikejil 56th)

Stars try to scale 'Heights' without Coyle

William Jackson didn't want it to happen like that.

The former starting defender for the Sarzonian national team lost his job when an injury brought talented younster Emacio into the starting 11 and the central defense combination of Corey Hemby and Lance Alcina steadied a back line that was reeling after the retirement of veteran Bryson Juergens. Now Jackson is back in the starting 11 -- thanks to an injury to defender Mike Coyle.

"It's a tough break for Mikey," Jackson said. "But I've got to make the most of my time in the starting 11."

The Stars (1-1-0, four points) are in third place in Group 8, two points behind co-leaders Commerce Heights and Rejistania (both 2-0-0). The team will face Commerce Heights away. Coach Dave Wilson said the team might have started Coyle if the stakes were higher.

"That injury is one of those things where we might have started Coyle if we needed this win to advance to the finals," Wilson said. "This early in qualifying, you don't want to risk aggravating it and losing him for the later stages when we'll need him in the lineup."

"I'd love to be out there," Coyle said. "I wanted to give it a go, but the coaches are being cautious. I guess they're trying to look out for the long term."

The Stars faced Commerce Heights in the previous World Cup, losing 2-0 away and drawing 1-1 at home. Team officials bristled at Commerce Heights media reports that gave a completely inaccurate account of the match, with then-Coach Bryan Marshall wondering if they even watched the same match. Stars players and coaches wouldn't go on record about the previous matches or the media controversy, but one player who spoke on condition of anonymity said it was "a disgrace."

"They printed up whatever the hell they wanted. It's clear those fools have their own agenda. I'd love to shove it up [where the sun doesn't shine]."

Crazy Dave's Soccer Spot

OK, you Jerus out there if you really want here the results. Read on but it's not nice reading. Match day 2, Jeruselem have managed one draw and one loss to the less teams. We are 6th and it's not looking good from here.

Due to the loss of veterans from WC XVI and XVII, this team is junior and it's showing. Bad finishing, indecisive defense and inconsistency. It's all bad new though. It's early and we can recover from this uninspired beginning.

First game was a 2 ALL draw with Slaikau. We really should have won despite defensive lapses, but it should have been 4 goals if Jeruselem had used it chances. We didn't score enough goals in the Cup of Harmony XVII and this team with same 442 formation does not have same scoring capacity as the great XVII team.

2nd game, no idea. Dreadful performance and we lost. A shocker and only our keeper saved us from losting 6-0. Come on guys, it's the World Cup! Our captain tried hard, but sloppy passing and lack of energy generally. If we're going to make the top 3, this is not good enough guys.

This is Crazy Dave signing off for JGN and off to for a meeting with some *err* important people.

MD 1
Iansisle 6-1 New Dubai
Spaam 2-1 Wapahkoneta
Crystilakere 3-0 Smoking Pits
Jeruselem 2-2 Slaikau

MD 2
Crystilakere 1-4 Iansisle
New Dubai 1-1 Spaam
Wapahkoneta 2-0 Jeruselem
Smoking Pits 1-1 Slaikau


Group 1

Pos Team P W D L GF GA GD Pts
1 Iansisle 2 2 0 0 10 2 8 6
2 Spaam 2 1 1 0 3 2 1 4
3 Wapahkoneta 2 1 0 1 3 2 1 3
4 Crystilakere 2 1 0 1 4 4 0 3
5 Slaikau 2 0 2 0 3 3 0 2
6 Jeruselem 2 0 1 1 2 4 -2 1
7 Smoking Pits 2 0 1 1 1 4 -3 1
8 New Dubai 2 0 1 1 2 7 -5 1

Ians Alone Atop Group One
Scientists, Philosophers, Fans ponder new development

IANAPALIS, Iansisle -- With the ink still fresh on Iansisle’s 4-1 victory over home team Crystilakere, some of the country’s greatest minds have gathered in the capital to determining the meaning of Iansisle’s new standing.

“This does look impressive,” said nuclear physicist Dr R. Penman Wrigglesplot. “It’s almost as if we’ve already won the World Cup.

“Maybe it is a prediction that we are destined to win the world cup!” theorized 1-900-NOT-HACK fortune reader Dwulana Cert.

“Maybe it’s a sign that we already won the World Cup!” exclaimed ten-year-old Ians fan Timmy Jones. “We’re ahead of all the other teams, aren’t we? Look at us - right on top of the standings!”

Dr Wrigglesplot, however, wasn’t so convinced by Jones’ hypothesis.

“I’m not sure what percentage of teams have won the World Cup after only two games in qualifying, but I’ll have to check into it. Frankly, however, I’m more tempted to believe the fraud.”

Cert denied being a fraud before it was even clear Wrigglesplot’s accusation was directed to her; in a room full of Iansislean reporters, after all, there are many possible targets.

“Research is stupid,” was Jones’ response. “Go Ians!”

However, even that brilliant argument couldn’t stop Wrigglesplot.

“I will have to find out how many teams that placed top among Group One in the qualifiers went on to win the World Cup,” said the doctor. “We cannot be sure, but I am sure it is at least ninety-five per cent of World Cup champions! After all, the case for it seems self-evident.”

Fans Need To Be Patient

After yesterday's 1-0 defeat against Kylaia, Maserrat fans across the land were fuming that their team are yet to open their World Cup account, not only in points but also in goals.

"I don't know what's gone wrong. We were so good, and then we were so bad. If we don't win our next game...I don't know what I'll do!"

Fans have a good case to expect a win in their next match. Not only are they at home, but they face Maldunia, the team they beat in the quarter-finals of the BoF. Maldunia are 41 places below Maserrat in the rankings, and anything less than a win will be unacceptable.

Coach Karpova has been trying to defuse the situation over the past twenty four hours:

"Let's not forget that this is our first ever World Cup - we can't be expected to win it first time. Feats such as the one Aquiliana pulled off only happen once in a lifetime. Besides, both of our defeats have been against teams above us in the rankings. We have set ourselves up for a good win today, and to improve our rankings for the next World Cup. After this competition is over, we will be a lot closer to achieving our World Cup dream - all we need is time."

The fans of Maserrat are indiginous for not allowing much time for failure. A win against Maldunia is the only acceptable result. Anything else and Karpova could be down the job center by the end of next week.

Siki Rej watched football. Thus, he was in a state of indefinite happiness and at the same time total concentration, as he tried to determine what one team was doing wrong and what the other team was doing right. It was pretty easy in this case - the team doing wrong, and hence losing, was the team he had learned to appreciate (if not love...Rejistanians reserve that for the Orange-Blues) during his four-year-spell as secret manager, the Cockbill Street national side. The team winning was a ragbag of awful Trefors and a couple of imported zucchinis (there should be tolls on those things...) from the nation of Druida - and they were leading 2-0 because the Streetian side managed to be even worse. The passing was at a level Abysmali players would have been proud of, the dribbling suicidal, and the tackling non-existent. In fact, the Streetians were lucky not to go three down, he thought, as he watched Trefor Andrews head another cross just over the...no, wait, it's dipped down, and it's gone in. That made Siki even more depressed - knowing that the team played poorly was one thing, but the fact that he couldn't do anything about it was much, much worse. Good thing the match was nearly over. He muttered slowly, beyond his breath, surely the team couldn't play any worse...when suddenly they conceded another goal from a free kick. 4-0.

In the dressing-room after the match, he shouted. Badly. At a lot of people. Not a single player escaped his words of wrath, a weird mixture of Rejistanian, English and Dwarfish (he had picked up some Dwarfish swearwords during the finals of the last World Cup - they had come in very useful when Nick Yu scored that fatal goal...). Over 95 per cent of them would have been deemed unprintable by any newspaper. Hexatux suggested four changes for the next match, and Siki was too lazy to argue with it...he knew the team had been beyond poor. He couldn't, in fact, remember much of it before it was the next match with Vollmeria. He remembered the match vividly though - mostly because any manager would remember such a game. His team played like an Abysmali Under-8 girls' ballet team would. It was an embarrassment from end to end. That Vollmeria only won 5-0 could surely only be down to their players' inefficiency in front of goal. Siki counted 24 chances for Vollmeria - and only one save by Havell. It was a disgrace, and he screamed for five minutes in the dressing room. Then, suddenly...

"Siki, wake up you loudmouth! You've been swearing in your sleep for five minutes!" A tall woman whose name escaped him at the moment...Helen, that was it, Helen Carpenter...stood over him like a mum would to a son who has just splashed the water glass over in his sleep.

"Um...what? What? It was a dream?"

"I dunno what you've been dreaming about, but if the press heard that kind of language emanating from the Department of Sport, they'd have us all sacked in a moment!"

"Except me, because I'm not really employed, am I..."

"Shut it. What on the Disc where you dreaming about?"

"Um...Cockbill Street losing badly. I think it was...0-4 to Druida and 0-5 to Vollmeria. That was just a dream?!" He punched the air triumphantly.

"Yes, it was."

"Good! What were the result of the Vollmeria game then?"

"Nil-nil."

"Come again?"

"Nil-nil. We did not score a goal, and Vollmeria didn't either."

Siki immediately lay down on the brisk, trying desperately to fall asleep again. He knew that his team had played worse than in his dream. They had to, in order to draw Vollmeria...

'Slaves beat the Cat Twice
World's greatest ever goalkeeper beaten by two goals

Tadjikistan (4-3-3)
-----------------------------------------
| 1 |
| Yashin |
| |
| 4 5 |
| 2 Zhilenkov Gromov 3 |
| Kuznetsov Egorov |
| |
| 8 |
| 7 Kirponos 6 |
| Zhigarov Pliev |
| |
| |
| 9 11 |
| Gasparian 10 Shvydkoi |
| Timoshenko |
| |
-----------------------------------------
| |
| 17 9 |
| Dannes McLLroy |
| |
| 11 |
| Marriot |
| 14 20 |
| Jansen 19 Fox |
| Cailan |
| |
| 16 13 |
| Crevan 5 3 Rijsbergen |
| Johnstone Romanov |
| |
| 1 |
| Andersson |
-----------------------------------------
Audioslavia (4-4-2)

Audioslavia were wary approaching the game against Tadjikistan. Not only because the tigers were one of the better sides of group 3, but because of their legendary goalkeeper Lev Yashin.

Tadjikistan have benefitted from 'The Cat's duel nationality (He is also part of the USSR, an old nationstates region) in that Yashin, before his first retirement, was one of the reasons why Tadjikistan were a hefty force in world football, with the other reasons being the wealth of talent the Tigers once had in front of their prized goalkeeper.

Recent hard times however, like the Tiger's failure to qualifiy for World Cup 17, have lured Yashin out of international retirement and, at the grand old age of 42, the cat (a nickname more pertinent now not for his acrobatics, but for his persistence in coughing up furballs and hatred for swimming) pulled on the gloves for Tadjikistan's World Cup 18 qualification attempt, and for the Tiger's game with the 'slaves of Audioslavia.

34th ranked Tadjikistan lined up in Dushanbe fresh from a home win, albiet a shaky one, against keen-but-under-nourished Kipto Mare, a game where they started poorly and went behind twice before winning the game 3-2 at the death. Unfortunately for the tigers they were to begin their match with the 'slaves in a similar vein, with Audioslavia's attacking 4-4-2 system pushing Tadjikistan back into their own half, the 'slaves obviously benefitting from the extra man in midfield.

The 'slaves took the first quarter of the game on points but rarely found themselves within shooting range with Tadjikistan's defence holding firm. Oliver Dannes, so free-scoring against Vollmeria, was marked well by Zhilenkov and couldnt get going. Marriot and McLlroy tried their best to create chances when they got in attacking positions but with the tigers holding firm Audioslavia didn't look like they were going to score.

That was the case until the forty-minute mark. Just as it looked like Tadjikistan had an answer for any questions the 'slaves strike force had, Dannes recieved the ball from Arie Jansen and sent full-back Oran Crevan clean through in front of goal with a lethal through-ball. Crevan took a touch, steadied himself, made as though he was going to play the obligatory curling shot into the far corner but instead blasted the ball towards the left hand side of the goal. Yashin changed direction quickly and got a hand to the ball but could only send it downwards with a beat of his wrist, the ball bouncing off the turf and zipping upwards into the roof of the net.

Crevan's goal gave the Tigers the kick that it needed after they had spent most of the half defending. In the short run up to half-time they got the ball in Audioslavia's half and starting knocking the ball about trying to find an opening. Ter Gasparian hit a shot on the stroke of half-time which rocketted past the far hand post after a neat passing move by Tadjikistan as the tigers made a brief statement of intent as to what was to come in the second half.

For the most part, the tigers lived up to their words. Centre-forward Timoshenko found himself behind the defence twice but twice his finishes were left wanting. Tadjikistan were having more luck in penetrating the defence than Audioslavia had in the first half but time and time again when the strikers got themselves within range the finishes were far from lethal.

The exciting play saw the supporters stir much like they had in the Kipto Mare game, the thousands of 'kistanis making themselves heard through their voices and their feet the more Tadjikistan looked like they'd get the equalising goal.

With twenty minutes left it seemed inevitable, with Audioslavia tiring on the soft turf, the effect being that Tadjikistan got more and more confident. Shvydkoi and Kirponos both came close, with Timoshenko probably having Tadjikistan's best chance on the eighty minute mark. The plucky young sixteen-year-old Gasparian had lead fellow 16-year old Crevan on a merry dance on the right wing and finally beat him, squaring the ball hard accross the face of goal for Timoshenko at the far post. With Andersson nowhere, Timoshenko set himself up for a tap-in from the corner of the six-yard box. Physics however, had other ideas and the ball and the ground conspired to make the cross bobble up as it bounced and strike Timoshenko's shin, causing the ball to rebound too close to Andersson to make the catch.

With many of the green Tadjikistani shirts still up in the 'slaves area, Audioslavia countered, getting the ball out of their own half and in their own posession for the first time in about a quarter of an hour. Andersson's clearance found Marriot who nodded the ball down for Arie Jansen. Jansen used his pace to beat Kusnetsov on the left and cut into the box, finding McLlroy with a square ball. Jackie McLlroy pinged the ball first-time from fifteen yards past a stranded Yashin, who could only watch as the ball smacked off the underside of the bar and nestled in the bottom corner.

The goal silenced the Tadjikistan faithful as the 'slaves celebrated a much-needed respite from the tiger's pressure, and Tadjiksitan restarted with less vigour, visibly shaken by the goal.

Paul Ward threw on centre-half Zareh Artaxiad for Revelin Cailan in an effort to boost Audioslavia's defence for the final few minutes, but Tadjikistan weren't to have such a series of attacks again, and the match ended with a hard-fought, and very fortunate, Audioslavia victory.

FINAL SCORE
Tadjikistan 0
Audioslavia 2 (Crevan 41, McLlroy 83)

Pos Team P W D L GF GA GD Pts
1 Audioslavia 2 2 0 0 6 1 5 6
2 Druida 2 1 1 0 4 3 1 4
3 Oaker 2 1 0 1 4 3 1 3
4 Kipto-Mare 2 1 0 1 4 4 0 3
5 Tadjikistan 2 1 0 1 3 4 -1 3
6 Cockbill Street 2 0 2 0 2 2 0 2
7 Vollmeria 2 0 1 1 1 4 -3 1
8 Avenging Altos 2 0 0 2 2 5 -3 0

The result puts Audioslavia clear on top of the group with two wins from two, ahead of Druida, one of only two other sides still unbeaten.

That other side is Cockbill Street, but the Street's performances so far have left something to be desired. Travelling to Vollmeria (whom the 'slaves battered 4-1) the Street could only manage a 0-0 draw. When taking into account to their 2-2 draw with Druida, CS look a little cumbersome on these opening days of the world cup. If they cant even beat Vollmeria and Druida, the two lowest ranked side in the group at 126 and 109 respectively, how can they compete with the teams at the dizzying heights of rank 82 (Kipto Mare) and 55 (Avenging Altos)? Only time will tell....

Elsewhere in the group, Avenging Altos supplemented their pitiful start by getting bum-bashed at Kipto Mare. KM themselves aren't doing too badly, they lost the match they expected to lose at Tadjikistan but the win against AA will boost their confidence. Fourthplaystoaker... sorry... 'Oaker' (im too used to them being in fourth place), aren't doing too badly but they too came a cropper at Druida, who somehow have taken second place after two games with a win and a draw. Vollmeria have taken themselves off of the bottom spot with that 0-0 draw with Cockbill Street which will inevitably pass into the folklore of the Vollmerian football fans as 'The Day They Crossed The Street'.

I've been Jeremy Jaffacake, g'nite bitches

Sweet Revenge
Big Pimento Bounce Valerian Boyars

It had been a long four years, and though Big Pimento had enjoyed success during that period, very little was done to ease the pain. The sting of thinking you'd proven everyone in the football world wrong by NOT winning the wooden spoon, then getting trounced 4-1 on the final day of qualification by the last placed team in the group, and having to take that mahogany ladle back home along with your bruised ego. The trouncers were Magnus Valerius, the very same team Big Pimento would be playing today. It was certain that all the Pimentos had taken the time to circle this date on their calendars when the schedule was released. Retribution was the name of this game and the price to pay was a 3-0 whooping.

Observers of the Lemmitanian game would have hardly been able to recognize the Pimento team if it was not for the same green, red and white uniforms. You could see it in the Pimentos' eyes when they came out on the field that they were going to start this match with the jump they were lacking in their previous encounter.

Indeed, Big Pimento came out to a flying start. They put huge amounts of pressure on the Valerian defence in the first twenty minutes. Rushing upfield, passing brilliantly and making defenders look like pilons, the Pimentos were able to generate six shots on net, but unfortunately only two hit the target and none beat the goalkeeper. But Big Pimento's hard work and persistance would not go unrecognized as they drew first blood in the twenty-third minute. A sorry clearance attempt went off the side of a Valerian defenders foot, trickling towards the corner of the field. Selecao came motoring in and met the ball with a first touch cross into the box. That ball was controlled by 17 year-old striker Bong Jong-Il, who skillfully played the ball down, averted the opposing defender and played a shot on net. The Valerian goalkeeper had no chance on the shot, being cleanly beat by the shot which just grazed the near post. Big Pimento 1 - Magnus Valerius 0.

The Pimentos continued their torrid play for the remainder of the frame, but as with the first part of the half, they were unable to be rewarded with any goals. After a dominating first half, Big Pimento found themselves up by one.

Second half was a different story, as the Valerian manager likely talked some sense into his players and we witnessed a much more balanced game. Magnus Valerius got two glorious chances in the 54th Minute as their striker slipped behind the defence and got a hard shot on target. Pedro Madhavapeddi dove to his right to make the save, but the ball came bouncing back towards the striker. The Valerian attacker was unable to do anything with the rebound however, as he Baggio-ed it over the bar.

Magnus Valerius' offensive flurries were few and far between, and 25 minutes into the half, Big Pimento re-established the dominance which characterized the first half. Bong Jong-Il, who had a sensational game, collected the ball about 25 yards away from net and embarked on a glorious run. He evaded two defenders before making his way into the box and getting hauled down by another. Referee pointed to the spot and Boris Valentine was the man selected to take the penalty. Valentine wasted little time taking the kick from the spot, knocking it low and left, just past the outstretched arm of the Valerian keeper who guess correctly. Big Pimento 2 - Magnus Valerius 0

Many teams would sit on a 2-0 scoreline with 15 minutes to go, but under these circumstances, Big Pimento went for the jugulars. They wanted to send a message to Magnus Valerius and anyone else watching that they would no longer be smacked around like G.W.’s bitch Tony Blair. The offensive pressure didn't cease, and Big Pimento tallied another when a Boris Valentine header found the back of the net in injury time to make it 3-0, a score which would hold up to be the final one.

So far in this qualification run, Big Pimento looks to be much like Jekyll and Hyde. They came out limping in Lemmitania and played their best match ever against Magnus Valerius. To determine the team which takes the pitch next time comes down to a coin flip, but Pimento supporters will be hoping to ride the momentum generated from this big win. Big Pimento’s next match will come against Myrulesia and will mark the first time the Pimento side has ever been favoured to win a match. The Myrulesians have kept it close against quality opposition and it’ll be interesting to see how the Pimento side deals with the pressure of dealing with being the favourites, so this should be an intriguing encounter.

Ready For The Reds


The Team today arrived at the reds homeland, it was just few minutes before we got word from the actual game, the first thing the coach did was to rest the team and start traning for the actual match

the match is expected to start in just few minutes and it will a specticle since the match is not sold out, we have sold out every satdium we went but non have been like this said the coach to show he was planing something big for the players

the first thing the team did when they arrived is buy masks from the street dusts and bought light clothes snce the place is hot,

we have also encountered several reds players who are on downtown signing pictures and so on but when they crowd saw ahmed lurre and hte rest of the team they crowded the whole bus, likely safety was not an issu so we let couple of fans in the bus, one fainbted and the other went to a hospital for shock

The Match

The match is expected to be very good and incredible from the out side, we are reaady as ready can be sad the payers and they wanted toplay their 3 match as if it was a final world cup match, we need to sick it and we have to take it to them said the caoch and gali, on their occasional confrences with the media

the other players at this moment are on training getting preparing for today third match, we hope we get the first break and we think we will be getting the first break since the reds are so weak on defense and other critrias, the last person to score a goal against this team as just few days ago, and the reds have nothing but back breakst to worry about


the team doctores also warned that several players including two starters need to take rest after today's match for the reason being they rae getting too tired

[im at school so i could write that series i said, i will start writing it next matchday]

[Breaking news From the One Red Dot]

Ladies and gentlemen we have an immidiate news to bring you, the game that was today between somalialand and the one red dot have been suspended for 1 more hour

the reds were not prepared and wanted extra time be fore start, they are due to start the game in the next hour,

the coach is also happy about the reds decision because it showed they were not well prepared

thats it for the breaking news, we will report any nes we get later

A bunch of teams...
Small Pimento (http://forums2.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=7307007&postcount=32)
A couple more...

Pimento House of Parliament
1200 Grove Avenue
Pimento City, BP
October 25, 2004



Dear Eauzian Head World Cup Official (OOC – Insert formal name/title here):

I would like to begin this letter by congratulating you on winning the right to hosting the 18th edition of the World Cup. Cheers to a sensational bid and we hope to see you there in fourteen months time.

However, it has been brought to my attention that our fine nation has been the butt of ridicule on the Bedistan/Eauz website. At the lieu of our roster, the link “Small Pimento” can be found. Needless to say I was shocked and appalled when I saw this. How could such flagrant racism be exhibited in an event as international as the World Cup?

The extent of this cheap joke would be like if someone put the link “Frogs” under the French national team’s roster. Sure, they sound funny when they talk and eat more bread than can possibly be healthy, but it’s no reason to make fun of them with such a degrading term. And besides, it’s not like we’re false advertising or anything, I mean, the average height for a full-grown male Big Pimento is 6’1”. That’s big enough, right?

We’re left with little recourse after this slap in the face to the nation. We’d like to politely ask for a formal public apology and the link to change and would hope that Eauz would have the goodwill to do so. Otherwise, we’ll have to ask for injunction by the World Cup Committee. If all else fails, we’ll have to resort to more unorthodox methods; Our home-styled brand of terrorism: getting drunk college kids to prank your nation. This isn’t a death threat, I can assure you any death resulting from this will be purely coincidental or an overdose by the student, but don’t be surprised if you wake up on the eve of the World Cup semi-final match with EAUZ SUCKS spray-painted on the pitch or with three rolls of toilet paper covering your car.

Angrily Yours,

James O’Gannahan
Democratically Elected Head Pimento

OOC to BP: :p Heh, hopefully Eauz will fix that; I would if I could edit the post.

Also OOC: Matchday 3 scores have been posted. (http://forums2.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=7326784&postcount=4)

From the Ianapalis Star-Tribune:

Ians Fans Know Whom to Blame for Draw
Massive anti-Liverpool England protests held around Iansisle

WESTERGATE, Iansisle -- It was an ugly scene after the match. Thousands of Ians fans were literally screaming at the pitch, which was behaving in a most odd manner.

It started in the third minute, when a large mound, without explanation, protruded from the ground and tripped up star Ians forward Brian Lyon as he headed towards the goal. Lyon sprained his leg badly in the fall and is expected to be sideline for several weeks. The Ians could not complain, of course, because they were playing in their home grounds.

After a fruitless investigation lasting nearly a quarter of an hour, groundskeepers shoveled off the mound and put down sod. Play continued, minus the Ians’ best striker.

But the Ians were not the only recipients of tectonic-based misfortune. Driving past the Ians defense in thirtieth minute, Slaikau’s star forward was sorely disappointed when a literal brick wall hardened itself in an instant and rose in front of the Ians goal, blocking his shot.

David Westmore had angry words with the Slaikau coach, who demanded that a penalty shot be awarded. However, officials refused, citing the unusual nature of the interruption. The brick wall was removed as well and play continued.

However, there was yet another topographic mishap in the later stages of the game. With the score tied 1-1 and time running out, forward Tom Ravenhill mounted an attack on the Slaikou goal. Just as he was moving out of the midfield, however, a large hole opened directly beneath his feet. With all else that had happened, the other Ians assumed Ravenhill had fallen into a bottomless pit and rushed to see if their teammate was all right - or at least if they could get some chow mein.

In the meantime, however, a Slaikou player seized the opportunity and ran to take a shot on the Iansisle goal while Tom Nielsen was distracted. Nielsen didn’t have a chance to move, however, or even see the shot. The ground underneath him shifted and Nielsen made a brilliant save with his face.

After the game, Iansislean fans, the Ians, and the Slaikou national side were furious that some mysterious force had taken ahold of their game and forced a draw.

“I came here to see a football match,” said one angry fan while ripping up his ticket stub, “and all I get is some damn voodoo festival! I’m very disappointed.”

Nielsen, holding a bloody handkerchief to his nose, added “Ah bon’t knob wab ‘abbeneb. Ib was obb.”

Many fans are blaming Liverpool England, who, it is rumored, upset the gods of scorination.

“It makes perfect sense,” said Professor of Weird Stuff Like These Events Basil Jummerpunt. “Iansisle is only one above Liverpool England in the rankings, so anything they do is likely to reflect upon us.”

The theory lost some credibility when news came in that the Philosophers, sans strange geologic happenings, had beaten the Evil Umpire 2-0, but many still blame Liverpool England.

“Perhaps Fate is just a poor marksman,” one fan was reported to have quipped.

Quaterassed-Starblaydia Lose Battle of the Cant-Be-Bothereds
We're Still looking down from second-place though

At the home of Jhanna City, in the 51,000-capacity 'Jhanna City Recreational Ground', Starblaydia put in a truly Abysmali performance as they lost to the Halfassedstates by a single goal to nil.

Thankfully, however, this reporter is far more energetic than the players seemed to be, and will give you the entire highlights package.

1 minute: Starblaydia kicked off

4 minutes: The first shot on goal by Starblaydia

20 minutes: My first cup of tea

45 minutes: Half-time, made a cup of tea for the wife too

47 minutes: Frodo and Sam look in Galadriel's Mirror. Don't touch the water!

57 Minutes, 25 seconds: Halfassedstates scored

57 minutes, 30 seconds: I put down my book and wondered what the cheering from downstairs was about

90 minutes: I open my laptop to bitch about how bad Starblaydia are

Another conceded goal and another poor performance by Starblaydia's strikers, there is much to be discussed about the Starblaydi team set-up.


What the hell is wrong with our defence?
Is SDB and Hall the right partnership for Starblaydia?
Why can't N'Dumbu-Nsungu make a subsitution to save his life?
Why, Why, Why, Delilah?


Final Score from the Jhanna Rec. Ground:
Starblaydia 0 - 1 Halfassedstates
(None) - (Meh, 58)

Somalialand Press Service
Somalialand's Press
1st Point Achvied, Next On line is "Lykaia"

Moqidishu, Somalialand- Incredibly the team held back the once top team to a draw of 0-0, the match started calm and the Efforts Started from the Somalialnd's best players to achieve Goals, We held them back like we wanted said the coach in an after the game Press conference, The team also Said the will not miss the next chance to win and that is against lykaia, who has been slacking the past few days.

lykaia has been very much out of shape, on the other hand somalialand was very decisive on every match it had for the past few days, After the Incredible draw, the team readjusted the predictions table , putting the lowlands at the top, then vilita, then few points Behind vilita was somaliland hanging on

The prediction table was said to be updated after the game, But to make sure every thing goes as planned somalialand has to go as the strong team on the next four games

The other teams just got Lucky but we want to be as decisive as possible making every team little harder to come to us, somalialand has never backed down from a challenge and it will not back down on its efforts to beat down the lowlands and vilita

As we have now gained steps on vilita and the lowlands and our next effort will be shown in the next match against Lykaia, Lykaia has been slacking from the world ranking due to the heavy loses and their loses were very complete

Somalialands next challenge is not as strong as other teams thing but he is but strong enough to come to the qualifiers, so he must be strong enough to play us, the lykaia team has been struggling due to immense pressure from their government to be good at their games

Our best players are going to be leashed out and thrown to the lykaia's at home day which is few days away. we will see how they came compared to a highly energized team that has struggled and struggled for years to come to the top.

The lowlands and vilita are both on top at this point, we are only challenging for our spot to be #3 on the group, we are like our group is not jammed with talent or that drive to the 3 place finish would have been very hard,

The two teams history together is very simple, we have never played each other but we have Considered playing a while back in the early years of the cup [with my other nation].

somalialand is now preparing to depart The reds homes and come to Somalialand, this where they will play the interesting fellows who represent lykaia, The lykaia have to try to beat us on our own ground, which they will properly fail

You see their may have been a chance for them if we played them outside of somalialand, but since we play them here in somalialand, it will be twice as challenging for them to beat us.


Efforts To Change: Part One
Govermental Change Somalialand

Government Of Somalialand:

The government of somalialand is based on the pure principal of the people's right and the view of the majority, We are a true socialist republic which Understands the principals of freedom and the principals of enjoyment of the majority

The pleasure of the majority doesn’t mean Ignoring the poor, he economy s strong and the government’s plan is to make the education system as large possible , putting rules on how much thing a student can learn by making smaller schools is outlawed,

The government also deals with the majority whip, which discusses and proposes plans in which a minority proposes, in somalialand we have a lot of diverse people, who are fiercely patriotic, their only goal is to make the country and its people as big as possible,

I don’t know but we may even reach 10 billion someday in here said one citizens outside of a recently annexed nation of LRA (Lords resistance army).

The country and its people have renamed the new annexed land Upper-Somalia.

The government has also over hauled the parliament system, making it stronger and cheaper for the people is the goal here said one politician who was in the major complex of parliament building

The government has changed a lot, since it politically decided to risk its fate by running for delegate of Africa, Unfortunately most nations of Africa who dammed us were not happy when we were proclaimed as the regions Un delegate and as the new African Union's general sectary

The government is trying to do good by over hauling the business and making the monetary system better.


[Tommorow is the football world, that will take place in the Part 2 ]

((Apologies to Krytenia. I was too lazy to look for a roster when I didn't see a link. Just like I am with Spurland today as well.))

TEN Handle Spurland Easily

Strike Birds Score 3 Goals; Take Top Of Group 4

The Strike Birds scored 3 goals for the third straight game in this cup to secure thier third win of the cup qualification. The match against Spurland started out slowly, but the latter half of the first half showed great passing on both sides and resulted in three goals, 2 by the Nest's Mario Gratunia, and one by Spurland forward #3. a 2-1 lead at halftime had many of the Strike Bird fans quite happy.

During halftime, a quick run through of scores in all the groups was shown, and the crowd groaned at the 4-0 spanking the Vorpal Bunnies received at Turori and cheered at the Kaze progressa/Snub Nose 38 tie. A win in this game would mean that the Nest would have first place alone in Group 4. A large cheer came out when the 1-0 Jeruselem win over Spaam came out, as many still remembered the old rivalry between the two teams from many years ago. Many other scores passed by with little note except for some of the foreign exchange students at the game.

When the second half started, Spurland came out witha push to get the tie and win, forcing the Nest goalkeeper Boyd gregor to block 8 shots in the first 19 minutes. The Nest defense finally adjusted and was able to shore up the holes for most of the game. Siggy Secour put in an insurance goal late to make the final score 3-1.

As the standings were posted, the crowd cheered when Group 4 was posted showing the Nest had taken a small lead in the Group, but they knew that anything can happen this early into a cup. Time would tell if the lead would hold, of if the other teams would catch up.

The Birds left early tonight to their match in Fmjpheonix tomorrow afternoon. Upon their return, the crucial match versus Kaze Progressa looms.

Group 4 Standings:

Pos Team P W D L F A GD Pts PP
1 The Eagles Nest 3 3 0 0 9 2 7 9 42
2 Kaze Progressa 3 2 1 0 10 3 7 7 40
3 Krytenia 3 2 0 1 7 5 2 6 39
4 Snub Nose 38 3 1 2 0 5 4 1 5 38
5 Spurland 3 1 0 2 3 5 -2 3 36
6 Fmjphoenix 3 0 2 1 5 9 -4 2 35
7 Qia 3 0 1 2 5 7 -2 1 34
8 Ashibot 3 0 0 3 0 9 -9 0 33


The Eagle's Nest Strike Bird Qualification Run
Matchday 1: The Eagle's Nest vs. Ashibot Win 3-0
Matchday 2: The Eagle's Nest @ Krytenia Win 3-1
Matchday 3: The Eagle's Nest vs. Spurland Win 3-1
Matchday 4: The Eagle's Nest @ Fmjphoenix
Matchday 5: The Eagle's Nest vs. Kaze Progressa
Matchday 6: The Eagle's Nest @ Snub Nose 38
Matchday 7: The Eagle's Nest vs. Qia
-----------------------------------------------------
Matchday 8: The Eagle's Nest @ Ashibot
Matchday 9: The Eagle's Nest vs. Krytenia
Matchday 10: The Eagle's Nest @ Spurland
Matchday 11: The Eagle's Nest vs. Fmjphoenix
Matchday 12: The Eagle's Nest @ Kaze Progressa
Matchday 13: The Eagle's Nest vs. Snub Nose 38
Matchday 14: The Eagle's Nest @ Qia


*Shadowry Figure* The RP machine needs some tuning.

*Lackey*: Really? It seems to be working just fine.

SF: We're stuck on 3. 3 goals may not be nough versus KP.

L: I see sir. What do you think of the Bunnies sir?

SF: That HAS to be a typo. I mean, there is no way that the Bunnies are ahead of the Belmore Family.

L: *shakes head* nope, I double checked. it's correct.

SF: Amazing.

L: yes sir.

SF: Found a referee yet that wants to....talk?

L: I think so, he should be here later tonight.

SF: *nods* Ok, until then figure out why we are stuck on 3 goals and get it fixed.

L: Yes sir. *turns and leaves*

SF: *rummages some papers and then starts to laugh.* Excellent, our operatives we planted 8 years ago are ready, as are the ones from 4 years ago. All is ready.....all is ready.

Another Draw Leaves Fmjphoenix Vikings Winless Again
By Roger Cede

Vanguard, Fmjphoenix: In what looked like their best chance for their first win in the qualifying rounds turned into a fight just to get a draw. For the second match in a row, forward Mike Nolan saved Team Fmjphoenix from finding themselves in the loss column again. With less than 3 minutes left before stoppage in the second half, Nolan took a pass from midfield and never looked anywhere but the goal. Fending off three total defenders from Qia, Nolan hammered the ball into the back of the net for the last goal of the match and a 3-3 draw against Qia.

"We made some moves getting the ball downfield, we just couldn't score anything." Nolan said at a post match press conference, "We gotta come back tommorow against a tough team and hope for something good to happen. We were not in this situation in the Baptism of Fire, so now we have to come together as a team and fight on for some wins."

Here is the breakdown of the game. Fmjphoenix breaks open at the third minute with a headbutt goal by Esteban Zeus. At the seventh minute, Jorge Mendel breaks open, gets a nice easy pass from Mike Nolan and pow, Fmjphoenix 2 - Qia 0. Nothing else big happens in the first half, Qia takes two shots to no avail against Adam Larouse. Fans are roaring in the sellout crowd at Viking Arena. It looks like an easy win to move Fmjphoenix closer to the top of the group. Then the meltdown happens, or maybe not a meltdown totally, but Qia gets hot and doesnt cool off. At the fourty-seventh minute, barely two minutes into the second half, Qia forward #7 scores hist first off two goals on the day. Ten minutes later, fifty-seventh minute, Qia midfielder #13 launches a long shot that squeaks by Adam Larouse. Tie two all. Seventy-fifth minute, Qia Forward #7 again breaks free of Viking defenders and gets an easy goal. 3-2 Qia. Boos can be heard all around the crowd. It looked like Fmjphoenix was going to break into a riot because their team could not hold a lead. Eighty-Ninth minute and some change, Mike Nolan shakes away from three Qia defenders and fires a shot in desperation for a goal. End result, from locked win to struggled draw, Fmjphoenix finds themselves in a hard spot.

"We have to win now, there is not question." Coach Wash tells reporters, "We have to get on a roll now or we will never have a chance. We came to play and win. it has not seemed like we have been really doing either of those up to this point."

Now comes the tough part for Fmjphoenix, they have to play the undefeated TEN, or The Eagles Nest in matchday 4. This will be by far the hardest match they have partaken in.

Stay tuned later for an exclusive interview with Coach Wash.

Goals:
Esteban Zeus 3'
Jorge Mendel 7'23
Qia #7 47'10
Qia #13 57'45
Mike Nolan 89'48

Final Score:
FMJPhoenix [3] - Qia [3]

Referees:
Richard Griffen
Mark Grant

Aquiliana Back On Track
Convincingly defeat a lesser team

Aquiliana was supposed to win, unlike last game.

Much like last game, they fulfilled their expectations.

Finally, the Falcons were able to get their first win of the Qualifiers. They did so convincingly, defeating Sonova 5-0 in a match completely dominated by the Aquilians.

"It's good that we could pull ourselves together after a tough loss and perform the way we should," said Coach Ed. "It was a great performance by everyone who was on the field, and we were able to give some subs playing time. I'm sure the fans are also much happier after finally getting a win - I noticed a lot of tension in the crowd before the match."

Coach Rob was also very satisfied with the result.

"I thought that, apart from the one breakdown in our defense in the second half, we played solidly throughout the entire game, and we never allowed them into the game. And when the defense did let an opponent break through, Melet (Bælükas) really came up huge with a great save. We really came out and asserted our identity."

And sure enough, Coach Jeff was telling the truth yesterday when he said that Rämï Pumiliö wasn't injured - Rämï was able to break through the Sonovian defense with ease and trademarkedly bend the ball into the net.

"I'm about 99.3% right now," he said afterwards. "Hopefully by Thursday, I'll be at 99.8%."

Thursday, the Falcons play Starblaydia, one of the most anticipated matches of the tournament.

Final Score:
Aquiliana 5 (Cuniculus 8, Consario 28, Pumiliö 42, DeSultinus 61, Entia 75)
Sonova 0

The Gameday Report

Not much is known about The Evil Umpire, but general consensus says that they are a team on the decline. After a win over Halfassedstates on Matchday 1, they've been defeated by Starblaydia and Nova Britannicus by an aggregate score of 6-2. Aquiliana would seem to have the edge, but the rankings aren't far enough apart to ensure a clear-cut victory - anyone can beat anyone at this point.

Predictions:

Drew - Aquiliana 2-0
Mitch - Draw 2-2
Curt - Aquiliana 3-2


MATCH SCHEDULE

MD1: Aquiliana 2-2 Nova Brittanicus (Cärnirässe National, AC Igneas)
MD2: Aquiliana 1-2 Liverpool England (Belua Memorial Field, Nidola FC)
MD3: Aquiliana 5-0 Sonova (Doma Artola, Farca City)
MD4: The Evil Umpire vs. Aquiliana
MD5: Aquiliana vs. The Latin Union (Vivarium Sciunti, Sciuntus FC)
MD6: Aquiliana vs. Starblaydia (Altissima National, Altissima)
MD7: Aquiliana vs. Halfassedstates (Inexpugna, Ubertas FC)
MD8: Nova Brittanicus vs. Aquiliana
MD9: Liverpool England vs. Aquiliana
MD10: Sonova vs. Aquiliana
MD11: Aquiliana vs. The Evil Umpire (Stadia Cuperta, Nova Malta FC)
MD12: The Latin Union vs. Aquiliana
MD13: Starblaydia vs. Aquiliana (Hallad City Stadium, Hallad Reavers)
MD14: Halfassedstates vs. Aquiliana

Easy victory against Wella

Raskolnikov continues to shine in the third game of qualifying


Game Higlights:

12th Minute:
Rodolfo Puente opens the scoring early with a perfectly timed shot from nearly 30 yards out. He noticed the goalkeeperplaying out a bit and fired it towards the top right corner. The keeper tried to get back to play the ball but it sailed just past his outstretched arms.

23rd Minute:
A chance for Wella to tie it up, (midfielder) sends a lob into the penalty area and (striker) sends the ball just over the bar.

26th-28th Minute:
Squornshelous are pressing again. Inside of three minutes, Puente, Raskolnikov and Castillan all get shots on net. However, they are all from well outside the box, and the keeper, wary of his earlier mistake, catches them all fairly easily.

34th Minute:
Castillan puts one past the keeper on a perfect free kick. Cardonez took the kick and sent the ball curving in away fromthe net. As it crossed the goal mouth. Castillan headed it back the other way and fired it in across his body as the goalkeeper dove the wrong way.


45th Minute:
Halftime: 2-0 Squornshelous
Squornshelous Substitution:
Karl Mironov comes in for Otto Friedel who is cramping up.

52nd Minute:
Wella has another good chance. (striker) finds the ball on his left foot after it ricocheted off of several players on a low corner. However, he is unable to finish and a diving Perez nearly takes his leg off.

67th Minute:
Raskolnikov scores his fifth. he beats a tired and unalert defense on one of his classic breakaways and dribbles into the box. As the keeper rushes out, he flips it neatly into the air over his head. The ball bounces once and trickles into the goal, with the keeper a split-second too late to punch it out.

88th Minute:
Wella makes one last shot at avoiding the shutout with an all out attack. Perez blocks a shot to the left of the goal, resulting in a corner. THe kick comes in perfectly, too far out for Perez to safely jump for it, but close enough to head in easily. However, (striker) doesn't get a clean head on it and the ball bounces down to the ground where Perez falls on it. Squornshelous easily holds possesion for the remainder of the game.

Final Score:
Squornshelous 3-0 Wella

Scoring Summary:
SQ: Puente [12]
SQ: Castillan [34]
SQ: Raskolnikov [67]

Referee:
Gavin Andersen [5:7] -Cockbill Street-

Squornshelous' Scorers:
Raskolnikov: 5
Castillan: 2
Puente: 2
Arnesson: 1


Up Next:
Our next opponent is Artoonia, who have performed better than expected so far this cup. However, despite their determination, we expect to win this one by a similar margin to the game against Wella.
Predicted Score: Squornshelous 2-0 Artoonia

Squornshelous' Qualifying Schedule:
wins losses draws

MD01: Squornshelous 5-1 Finrods
MD02: Sarcodina 2-1 Squornshelous
MD03: Squornshelous 3-0 Wella
MD04: Artoonia v Squornshelous
MD05: Svecia v Squornshelous
MD06: Dennisov v Squornshelous
MD07: Squornshelous v Oddslavo
MD08: Finrods v Squornshelous
MD09: Squornshelous v Sarcodina
MD10: Wella v Squornshelous
MD11: Squornshelous v Artoonia
MD12: Squornshelous v Svecia
MD13: Squornshelous v Dennisov
MD14: Oddslavo v Squornshelous



Group 7 standings after Matchday 2:

Pos Team P W D L GF GA GD Pts
1 Squornshelous 3 3 0 0 10 2 8 9
2 Svecia 3 3 0 0 8 2 6 9
3 Artoonia 3 2 1 0 7 3 4 7
4 Oddslavo 3 1 0 2 5 6 -1 3
5 Dennisov 3 1 0 2 3 5 -2 3
6 Wella 3 1 0 2 3 8 -5 3
7 Finrods 3 0 1 2 4 9 -5 1
8 Sarcodina 3 0 0 3 1 6 -5 0

Philosophers Take 3-Point Lead With Three Straight Wins

Sirx has led the team to three straight victories in the qualification campaign, placing the team top of Group 10. A 4-0 win at home to Sonova, a 2-1 away win at Aquiliana, followed by a 2-0 home win over The Evil Umpire sees the team with maximum points. Timothy Dennard got both goals from the spot. Elsewhere in the roup, Sonova suffered their third starigt defeat away to Aquiliana 5-0.

In other groups,
Slaikau managed to hold Iansisle to a draw in Group 1, Tadjikistan walloped Vollmeria (hey, isn't Vollmeria Tadjikistan's puppet?) 6-0, Kaze Progressa were held at home by Snub Nose 38, The Weegies fell to reigning runners-up Dance 2 Revolution 3-0 and One Red Dot managed only a point out of their clash with Somalialand.

Interview with Fmjphoenix Vikings Coach Wash

Allen Newhouse: Thanks for joining us coach.

Coach Wash: Pleasure's mine.

Newhouse: I would like to talk to you about today's game. First being how do you feel about it?

Wash: Well, I first am glad that we at least managed a draw out of the game. I feel we should have had a win there. That we had a collapse in the second half of the game shows we still have a little work to do. I still feel like we played good and will continue to play good throughout the entire qualifiers.

Newhouse: How about tommorows game, How do you feel about your chances to win? What are your plans for the game?

Wash: Well, expierence-wise, the odds are stacked against us. I think we have players of their calibur, and I also believe we have a few guys who are under-achieving. I think we just need a big atmosphere to really get the guys to play up to potential. I guess you can say I feel good about this. I think we can go in and pull of a big upset. We are going into this game with the mindset that we are winners, that we can win. If we feel like we only maybe can win, we already are losing to ourselves. I am thinking we may play a 4-3-3 during the game at a few points to see how successfull it can make out attack. Primarily, we will stay with the 3-5-2.

Newhouse: That is true, you need to come in with the right mindset thining that you can and will win. Sometimes that is all you need to jumpstart motivation. Sounds like you will have a few ideas for tommorow. Next question here, who is you go to guy, who do you feel is the most valuble player for your team.

Wash: That is a tough question for me to answer. OF course I have to say all my guys are invaluble to me, without each of them, we would not have a team of such a great calibur. Overall I think there are three players who stand out, but one the most. Jorge Mendel is the main go to guy. He has been playing for a few years and has valuble big game expierence that only the veterans can get. He has great leadership that cannot be exchanged for anything. Mike Nolan is a young player with heart and determination. He has not quit and is definetly going to be a star for years. Finally, I would have to say Mariano Rodriquez is important for his leadership and knowledge of the game. He is a great teacher.

Newhouse: Well we are almost out of time here, I just wanted to say thanks for making a little time so everyone can get a little personal opinion from the coach.

Wash: It was fun.

Newhouse: Until next time, I'm Allen Newhouse.

Ubuloy Lifts Maserrat Hopes

It was a crucial match in more ways than one. Not only did Maserrat need the points and the goals, but coach Karpova would have been on the receiving end of a boot had they not gained victory last night in Rakasta's Commodore Bowl. However, whilst domestic club Politehnica Galati were stealing into the lead in the Maserrat Tordeliga A, Maldunia were unable to snatch even a goal here, as Maserrat finally clicked into gear. It was to be a good night for young superstar Qostaze Ubuloy, who scored all three of Maserrat's goals.

The first strike came on 23 minutes after a sustained spell of Maserrat pressure. A deft flick-on by Borle Xantoi put Ubuloy one-on-one with the keeper, and you never bet against the 21-year-old under circumstances like that. A cool tap past the keeper put Maserrat 1-0 up, and thousands of tense fans breathed a sigh of relief. The second came just on the stroke of half-time. With virtually the last attack of the half, defender Asamy Vergo launched a hopeful ball up the pitch. It landed just in front of Ubuloy, who blasted it into the top-right hand corner on the half-volley. The rout was complete on 71 minutes when Zaqery Poskilka guided a corner onto the head of Ubuloy, who sent it over the line for 3-0. When the final whistle went, there was perhaps a sense of relief more than pleasure on the minds of most fans, as the win takes them up to fifth in the table.

The next match is at home to table-toppers The Lowland Clans, probably the biggest game Maserrat will play behind the home-tie against Vilita. Tis win will certainly give them some confidence and some morale, but realistically, it looks to be another defeat for the team.

The Tribune Tribune
Serving Druid Tribune and the surrounding area

THE MARE THE MERRIER
By Trefor Blackmore at Kipto-Mare 1 Druida 2

The amazing, somewhat unexpected unbeaten qualifying run of the Druida rainbows continued last night as they travelled to Kipto-Mare. As strange as it may seem, a rainbows win coupled with an even bigger upset for Avenging Altos in Audioslavia would have actually put the new boys in an unbelieveable first place. Of course, it seemed unlikely that the slaves would ever not beat a bunch of poxy opera singers, but Druida certainly kept their part.

The rainbows ripped into the Mares as if they'd been doing it for eternity. To be honest, their two Zucchinis are literally ageless, so I suppose they have actually been doing the business for eternity, but that is beside the point. The point is, they made Kipto-Mare look like a bunch of nobodies against a team of world beaters. OK, Oaker aren't exactly the the World, but they had already beaten them. and so Kipto-Mare were also thrown onto the list of teams defeated.

The goals, one a cross hitting Urk somewhere (I'm not really up on the anatomy of zucchinis) and the other a twenty yard strike from Trefor Merthyr, both came in the first ten minutes. Both were damn impressive, though I guess you had to be there or watch them on TV or something to appreciate them properly. All I can say is that Kipto-Mare were having a nightmare.

The rest of the game was pretty damn boring, as the rainbows employed the defensive tactics that Trevor Kallins is renowned for. Kipto-Mare scored with a weakly hit shot from the edge of the box that somehow deceived Trefor Edwards in the Druida goal and bobbled in, but it didn't throw the rainbows, who never looked in danger of conceding again.

In the end, Druida were worthy winners, keeping themselves unbeaten, two points behind the slaves and one ahead of Tadjikistan. However, there's a bit of a tough one up next, as group leaders Audioslavia make their way to Druid Tribune and the Margaret Stadium (yes, the government have changed the name of the national stadium, too, though what exactly it is supposed to sacrifice... well, I'm not exactly sure.) If there isn't a full house for that one, I'll... I'll change my name to Margaret as well. For free.

Final score:

Kipto-Mare 1-2 Druida
Night-Mare 83 Urk 4
Merthyr 9





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Easy win

Dushanbe - After their defeat in the game against Audioslavia, the Tigers took on the much weaker Vollmerians in the Buranbay Staduim in Dushanbe. For the Tadjiks it was a chance to heal their wounds, Vollmeria is 126th on the ranking list and proved no problem for the Tigers. Zhukov used the opportunity to have some of the substitutes get some exercise. Zaev and Lavrinovish made their debut in the Tadjik shirt. Vlasov took Kuznetsovs place with the defenders. The game was not very interesting to watch, the ball was always going in the direction of the Vollmerian goal and the Vollmerians were given a quick lesson in technique and tactics.

Pliiev took advantage of a tactical mistake in the Vollmerian defense and opened the score for Tadjikistan. 7 minutes later Shvydkoi pushed a cornershot into the goal behind a Vollmerian defender giving the Tadjiks a 2-0 lead and the Vollmerians knew it was over for them. The Tigers however continued on their elan and Shvydkoi made his third goal for the team, 7 minutes before the end of the first half.

In the second half, Zhukov sent three other players on the field, Lavrinovish, Kirponos and Egorov were replaced by Nozdronuv, Vatutin and Khrylov. Pliiev reorganized his team and kept everything under control. The Tigers made number four, In the chaos that was created by a conershot, Gromov took the opportunity and beat the goalkeeper with a hard shot in the lower left corner. Zhukov saw his team win the game for him and he gave Yudenich, who is in his last World Cup, a chance by putting him on Timoshenko's position. Yudenich thanked Zhukov by scoring the the fifth goal of the match. The score was eventually brought to 6-0 by the young Ter Gasparian who is, according to Triandafillov, the man that will take Cherniakhovskij's as Tadjikistans goalgetter. Vollmeria had been beaten with a humiliating 6-0, at the same time the Tigers set a new record. For the first time in their history they beat an opponent with a difference of 6 goals. It will certainly encourage the Tigers to fight for their qualification ticket.

The next match on the list is played in Avenging Altos, 55th on the ranking list. Avenging Altos however have not been living up to their ranking so far, with 0 points in last position, behind Vollmeria. Tadjikistan must be cautious, Avenging Altos might want to get their first points in this match and they have the home advantage for this match. After Avenging Altos follows a more important match against Druida, lowranked but high in the group. Many fans remember the time Tadjikistan surprised the world with their excellent performance in WC15 when they read about Druida's performance here.

Tadjikistan 6-0 Vollmeria
Referee: Hyumun Guymerov [MAS]
goals:Pliiev 27'(1-0), Shvydkoi 40'(2-0),Shvydkoi 44'(3-0), Gromov 52'(4-0), Yudenich 78'(5-0), Ter Gasparian 82'(6-0)


MD1 :Tadjikistan - Kipto-Mare W 3-2
MD2 :Tadjikistan - Audioslavia L 0-2
MD3 :Tadjikistan - Vollmeria W 6-0
MD4 :Avenging Altos - Tadjikistan
MD5 :Tadjikistan - Druida
MD6 :Tadjikistan - Cockbill street
MD7 :Tadjikistan - Oaker
MD8 :Kipto-Mare - Tadjikistan
MD9 :Audioslavia - Tadjikistan
MD10: Vollmeria - Tadjikistan
MD11: Tadjikistan - Avenging Altos
MD12: Druida - Tadjikistan
MD13: Cockbill Street - Tadjikistan
MD14: Oaker - Tadjikistan


Pos Team P W D L GF GA GD Pts
1 Audioslavia 3 3 0 0 9 1 8 9
2 Druida 3 2 1 0 6 4 2 7
3 Tadjikistan 3 2 0 1 9 4 5 6
4 Oaker 3 1 1 1 4 3 1 4
5 Cockbill Street 3 0 3 0 2 2 0 3
6 Kipto-Mare 3 1 0 2 5 6 -1 3
7 Vollmeria 3 0 1 2 1 10 -9 1
8 Avenging Altos 3 0 0 3 2 8 -6 0

Stars fall to 'Heights', face 'Legal' challenge

The Sarzonian national team rarely has treated a loss like a win. The team has won nearly 40 international matches in its relatively short time on the world stage and has a Baptism of Cup title in team headquarters. But the Stars played their best match since a 3-0 win over Xile as the team lost away to second seeded and 15th ranked Commerce Heights.

"We're disappointed with the result, but we played one of our best games in a long time," Coach Dave Wilson said. "We began to string passes together and really play our brand of football out there. Commerce Heights were fortunate to escape that match."

The Stars (1-1-1, four points, 4th place) rewarded Wilson by removing the "interim" tag and naming him the permanent head coach.

"He's faced difficult circumstances and has the team playing about as well as you can expect," midfielder and former captain Bobby Convey said. "The [Incorporated Football] Federation wanted to put the coaching search behind them and get back to focusing on football."

The Stars got its goals from forward and team captain Brian Wilson but defender William Jackson slipped in the 18 yard box to lead to the equalizing goal by the host side after the Stars raced to a 2-0 lead 27 minutes in. Goalkeeper Troy Perkins gave up a goal off a rebound with time winding down in second half injury time to give Commerce Heights the full three points.

The Stars face eighth seed Legalese in a match where the team is anticipating a deluge of lawyers. Sarzonian Attorney General Jonathan Cochrane (http://www.cochranfirm.com/images/home-johnniecochran.jpg) will attend the game with most of his staff.

"We've got to be ready for whatever they can bring," Dave Wilson said. "That's why we've got the Attorney General attending the match. He's going to refute their attempts to cite Sarzonian law and hopefully will learn the Laws of the Game enough to keep their lawyers from being a factor."

The (Less Than) Daily Druid

STRCK DOWN
Björn-Trevor Frederiksson on NEWI Cefn Druids 2 Eystrck 0

NEWi Cefn Druids stepped their qualifying campaign up a gear last night as they played Eystrck at The Hole. Another top performance by international newcomer Dan Northfleet spurred the Druids on as they outclassed their less experienced opponents.

Eystrck are, of course, close friends of our island neighbours Vilita, and because of this, there was a significantly large away support in The Hole, but nothing that could come near to drowning out the near-legendary boom that the Druids' fans create in the 89,500 capacity stadium. It is this roar that has lead to the Druids unbelievably good home record, it is inspirational to all who pull on the black and white shirt.

But more importantly than that, it means that if you're having an off day, it is easy to pick yourself up. The Druids had clearly had an off day in Turori (despite the words of Amos Hinton that pointed to the opposite of this), but today, they were back on form. The atmosphere was fantastic, the stage was set.

Unfortunately, at this point, I had to leave the match because of reasons I'd rather not go into. OK, I will. My kids had burnt my house down. Obviously they didn't mean it, but the Frederiksson household is no more. So this truly inspirational performance that you'll have all seen on DruidSport or heard on CBN, well I haven't seen it and I didn't hear it. All I know is that the Druids won 2-0, with Dan Northfleet scoring two goals. OK, it isn't much of a match report for a national newspaper, but then there are things in life more important than football.

Only a couple, mind you.

Anyway, next up are Eskrador, who have got off to a surprisingly brilliant start considering they were expected to be the group whipping boys. But then, you never know what you're going to get with new teams. Of course, my match report is dependent upon me actually being able to make it to Eskrador, which depends upon myself and my family having a home. Otherwise, I guess they'll just send some other former Druids player with nothing better to do. I've heard that Ron Lambealle might be up for it, he doesn't do much nowadays. Well, he didn't really do that much in his latter days for the Druids, but that's not the point...

Jeruselem Government News

SHUT THE SPAAM, Jerus are back!

Jeruselem faced Spaam in the World Cup XVIII and it looked bad. One loss and one draw to lower teams, and 6th on the table. Spaam was undefeated and a favourite to lead the group. It looked like a mismatch.

However, the Crusaders showed their spirit and raised the sword to glory. They slew the Spaam giant 1-0 to put the campaign back on track in shock for the Spaam faithful. The coach David Becks said "See, this team has talent and look what we can do if we get it right. If you can beat Spaam 1-0, there's hope for the team. Our next mission is to repair the damage of the first games and not get too carried away with the win."

The only goal of the game was scored by Jesus (the player) who earned a penalty after a defender tried a Kung-fu kick to clear the ball and missed, getting Jesus instead. Despite stitches, he nailed the penalty goal with no trouble.

The win put Jeruselem in 4th on the same points as Spaam while New Dubai look like the cellar dwellers for group 1.

Crazy Dave was unavailable for comment after getting really drunk during a party with fellow Jerus. One reveller said "He tried to say sober for his soccer work but he just failed!"

Group 1
Iansisle 1-1 Slaikau
Spaam 0-1 Jeruselem
Crystilakere 3-0 New Dubai
Smoking Pits 1-0 Wapahkoneta


Group 1

Pos Team P W D L GF GA GD Pts
1 Iansisle 3 2 1 0 11 3 8 7
2 Crystilakere 3 2 0 1 7 4 3 6
3 Spaam 3 1 1 1 3 3 0 4
4 Jeruselem 3 1 1 1 3 4 -1 4
5 Smoking Pits 3 1 1 1 2 4 -2 4
6 Slaikau 3 0 3 0 4 4 0 3
7 Wapahkoneta 3 1 0 2 3 3 0 3
8 New Dubai 3 0 1 2 2 10 -8 1

Breaking News: Lawyers banned from travelling during World Cup Qualifying

Legalese City, Legalese: Today, the Legalese Senate unanimously approved a measure banning anyone with a JD from travelling to a nation that the Men's National Team is taking on during World Cup Qualifying. This law is undoubtedly in effect to prevent the travesty in Rejistania, where the juris doctorate hooliagans stormed the field, resulting in the swift passage (and later repeal) of over 250 additions to the Rejistani code.

Chief Justice Quinten J. Wharli appeared today, giving his approval to the decision of the Senate.

"This is not a good time for legalites to go abroad" He said. "It is sad to see the actions of a mere 1500 ruin things for half the population."

More news to come on this story, as the 0-2 Legalese MNT prepare to travel to Sarzonia.

Win when your singing, You never win when your singing...
Altotalled by Slaves
| |
| 10 9 |
| Bracken McLLroy |
| |
| 8 |
| Tanner |
| 21 20 |
| Jaynes 4 Johansen |
| Tessem |
| |
| 6 2 |
| O`Rourke 5 23 McFarland |
| Johnstone Artaxiad |
| |
| 12 |
| Redbank |
-----------------------------------------

Audioslavia took out the Avenging Altos by virtue of two goals by a certain Danny Bracken in the SNA last night. Bracken, starting his first game since the Vilita/KP World Cup, was part of a much-changed 'slave side which more resembled their WC17 team than the new-look one which took the field for the first two games. The midfield four of Jaynes, Tanner, Tessem and Johansen were back, with the usual four (including Ally Marriot) rested. O`Rourke re-joined at left back, whilst Kerry McFarland got his full debut at right-back. Ex U21 keeper Neil Redbank was chosen ahead of Andersson and Fenwick to start in goals.

The new side didn't impress immediately, being mostly contained by the alto defence by their annoying shrieking. Nevertheless Danny Bracken opened the scoring on 35 minutes with a well taken low drive from the edge of the area. McLlroy followed suit ten minutes later with an equally fierce shot from fifteen yards which smacked off the near post and in.

2-0 up at the break, Audioslavia allowed themselves to relax, letting AA come at them but not giving too much away. Ward took off goalscorer Jackie McLlroy and replaced him with the young seventeen year old Daley Black, playing his first game for the national side. Black put up a good, if not brilliant performance, having a couple of shots go wide of the goal, but it was he who set up Bracken for number three after a nice move by the 'slaves. Tanner and Tessem played off each other to set Johansen through on the right. Johansen whipped a high ball in to Black standing on the corner of the area. Black, with excellent control, killed the ball dead and scooped it up over the two centre-halfs to Bracken who was arriving on the left. A well-placed header and Audioslavia were 3-0 up and cruising til the final whistle.

FINAL SCORE
Audioslavia 3 (Bracken 35, 68 - McLlroy 44)
Avenging Altos 0

Pos Team P W D L GF GA GD Pts
1 Audioslavia 3 3 0 0 9 1 8 9
2 Druida 3 2 1 0 6 4 2 7
3 Tadjikistan 3 2 0 1 9 4 5 6
4 Oaker 3 1 1 1 4 3 1 4
5 Cockbill Street 3 0 3 0 2 2 0 3
6 Kipto-Mare 3 1 0 2 5 6 -1 3
7 Vollmeria 3 0 1 2 1 10 -9 1
8 Avenging Altos 3 0 0 3 2 8 -6 0

The defeat keeps Avenging Altos rooted to the bottom of group three whilst Audioslavia stay top. Druida stay in second thanks to a hard-earned away win over Kipto Mare. Tadjikistan made up for their midweek defeat by Audioslavia by administering a right-royal 6-0 thumping to Vollmeria.

The surprise package so far however is, still, Cockbill Street. I mean, what on earth do they think theyre doing? 0-0 with Oaker? 0-0 with Vollmeria? The words 'severe', 'of', 'lack' and 'firepower' spring to mind. Anyway, Cockbill Street remain one of the three sides who are undefeated, and one of the two sides without a win. If theyre saving themselves for the Audioslavia match, i'm gonna be very angry indeed.

I've been Jeremy Jaffacake. G'nite bitches

Time To Get-Il
Striking Phenom Bong Jong-Il Scores Two in Pimento Victory

What time is it?

Bong Jong-Il has long been dubbed as the future of Pimento football, and last night, he proved the future was now and that it’s his time. Jong-Il turned in his second stellar performance in as many matches, pushing his average of goals per match to one. The Myrulesian’s defence played very well, having an answer for pretty much everything the Big Pimento side could throw at them besides the heroics of Jong-Il. Two goals in the 7th and 44th Minutes respectively by the young striker were all it took. Myrulesia did pull out a consolation goal in the 84th Minute to spoil Pedro Madhavapeddi’s bid for a second consecutive shutout.

“We never had that speed threat last cup,” said Wonkstein after the match, “[Jong-Il] brings us exactly that. His ability to dribble and dart past players and to make and finish scoring opportunities on his own is something we’ve sorely missed in the past, and we’re a much better team now that he’s entered the fold. He can stretch the field and he’s a gamebreaker. The contrasting styles of the wily Boris Valentine and Bong Jong-Il will make this attacking tandem a very intriguing assignment for opposing defences.”

Group 5

Pos Team P W D L GF GA GD Pts
1 Dance 2 Revolution 3 3 0 0 11 2 9 9
2 Lemmitania 3 3 0 0 7 1 6 9
3 Total n Utter Insanity 3 2 0 1 9 3 6 6
4 Big Pimento 3 2 0 1 5 3 2 6
5 The Weegies 3 1 0 2 2 5 -3 3
6 Magnus Valerius 3 1 0 2 2 8 -6 3
7 Myrulesia 3 0 0 3 3 7 -4 0
8 Tippman 3 0 0 3 3 13 -10 0

Big Pimento gained no ground on the three teams ahead of them in the tables, as Lemmitania tipped Tippman, Dance2Revolution danced all over The Weegies and Total n Utter Insanity totally and utterly destroyed Magnus Valerius. Nipping at the Pimento’s heels are The Weegies and Magnus Valerius, two quality sides who’ve been around the Top 50 in the world rankings for a long time, but never seem to get over the hump and into the World Cup. The final spot for the 3 v 4 playoff will likely come down to the Pimentos, Valerians and Weegies. Myrulesia find themselves in seventh and Tippman appears to be in a class of their own for futility in eighth.

Big Pimento’s biggest test to date will come against Dance2Revolution, a squad which were runners-up in World Cup 17 against the successful yet snore-inducing and painfully defensive Rejistanian side. The Dance2Revolutionaires have kicked the crap out of every team they’ve faced so far, and one would expect the Pimentos would fall to the same fate. However, Big Pimento usually plays to the level of their competition so it’s hard to rule them out entirely, but it’ll take a Herculean effort to steal any points from the strong D2R side.

http://www.dirt-racing.com/3wide/sites/vilita/vn/logo.gif



Tivali Ring Stadium, Alikki-Corra, Vilita
http://www.dirt-racing.com/3wide/sites/aofiles/rp/bar.gif
-----------------------Tropics of Vilita National team legend Baron O'Toole today was left bemused at the latest piece of Somalialand propoganda, commenting on the teams Baptism of Fire Cup run. The Semi-Retired Under-21 Manager was in Alikki-Corra to announce the starting lineup for the Jungle Cats opening match against Somalialand, when a reporter asked him to comment on the Somalialand view of Ahmed Gali being a "hero" of the Baptism of Fire Cup.


Somalialand 1-4 Vilita

[color=darkorange]Vilita Goalscorers::
14' Jan Christiansen
42' Jan Christiansen
46' Jonathon Baledrokadroka
74' Calaesa Mitaroka


Substitutions:
1 Danilo Liguori ( 21 ) Tanner Nerni
2 Jimmy Kater ( 69 ) Bryan 'Pop' Duiker
3 Jonathon Baledrokadroka ( 75 ) Lai Ncube

Vilita Jungle Cats (3-5-2) ::
[GK] Jimmy Kater, [D] Esemar Aliana, [D] Danilo Liguori, [D] Ricky Ezis, [DM] Antonis Ratuva, [M] Santo Kecker, [M] Calaesa Mitaroka, [M] Jonathon Stott, [M] Jonathon Baledrokadroka, [F] Serge DuPont, [F] Jan Christiansen
BENCH::
[F] Lai Ncube, [F] Carmine Mbidzo, [M] Inaki Soler, [M] Tanner Nerni, [U] Malovar Stokks, [D] David Leacock, [GK] Bryan 'Pop' Duiker




One Red Dot

[color=darkorange]Vilita Goalscorers::
60' Carmine Mbidzo



Vilita Jungle Cats (3-5-2) ::
[GK] Jimmy Kater, [D] Esemar Aliana, [D] Tanner Lembi, [D] Jaloey Afrikka, [DM] Antonis Ratuva, [M] Marasent Sioane, [M] Jeremie Emeka, [M] Jonathon Stott, [M] Christian Dogbé, [F] Serge DuPont, [F] Carmine Mbidzo
BENCH::
[F] Alioum Konadu, [F] Riccardo Appolloni, [M] Jonathon Baledrokadroka, [M] Baron O'Toole, [U] Enzo Ahat, [D] Christos Tchami, [GK] Massimo Corsi

[color=darkorange]Vilita Substitutions::
(32) - Christian Dogbé >>> Riccardo Appolloni
(45) - Esemar Aliana >>> Baron O'Toole




Kylaai

Vilita Goalscorers::
1' Tanner Nerni
53' Carmine Mbidzo



Jimmy Kater

Giacomo Adika
Emarka Laniora
Esemar Aliana

Jürgen Ramzi

Inaki Soler
Calaesa Mitaroka
Marasent Sioane
Tanner Nerni

Germán Salomón
Carmine Mbidzo

Callum Banda
Lai Ncube
Jonathon Stott
Baron O'Toole
Nigel Chapman
Christos Tchami
Massimo Corsi


Vilita Jungle Cats (3-5-2) ::
[GK] Jimmy Kater, [D] Giacomo Adika, [D] Emarka Laniora, [D] Esemar Aliana, [DM] Jürgen Ramzi, [M] Inaki Soler, [M] Calaesa Mitaroka, [M] Marasent Sioane, [M] Tanner Nerni, [F] Germán Salomón, [F] Carmine Mbidzo
BENCH::
[F] Callum Banda, [F] Lai Ncube, [M] Jonathon Stott, [M] Baron O'Toole, [U] Nigel Chapman, [D] Christos Tchami, [GK] Massimo Corsi

[color=darkorange]Vilita Substitutions::
(45) - Germán Salomón >>> Lai Ncube
(45) - Jürgen Ramzi >>> Baron O'Toole
(69) - Emarka Laniora >>> Jonathon Stott









Team for Maldunia

Goalkeepers :: [COLOR=TEAL]Jimmy Kater & Massimo Corsi
Defenders :: Enzo Ahat, Jaloey Afrikka, Danilo Liguori & David Leacock
Midfielders :: Jürgen Ramzi, Inaki Soler, Alexander Östling, Tanner Nerni, Teariki Mané, Malovar Stokks, Maurizio Sala & Santo Kecker
Forwards :: Germán Salomón, Mauro Baraza, Serge DuPont & Callum Banda






-------------------------------------------------------
Vilita Online (http://vilita.3wide.com) -- 3wide Designs (http://www.3wide.com) -- Atlantian Oceania (http://aoforums.3wide.com)

WE'RE BA-ACK!
By Manuel Villalobos

With the victory of the Latin Men's Olympic Football Team today in the Olympics, it's only fair that their fellow countrymen in the realm of professional sports grace their nation with a win also... over none other than their BoF quarterfinalist adversaries, Nova Britannicus.

It's about damn time, I say. After a loss to Starblaydia, the Britannicans' former rulers, and a tie with Halfassedstates, I was this close to strangling Head Coach Sergio Vieira. What was he doing?! Two games played and nothing good from either?! We were ranked 92nd and now THIS??! This wasn't the team we saw in the Baptism of Fire!

But Pater Vieira wasn't about to disappoint me again. Match Day Three rolled in, and with a bang from the Latins. A close game with the Britannicans, to be sure, but their superiority complex about football should be tempered now. Their manager was heard gloating even as the teams were being drawn, and many articles I've read from their newspapers and magazines seem to dismiss us as a sort of pulpit-boy to be taken into the back room by the proverbial Britannican priest.

Not so today. The boys were exhausted from Pater Vieira's strict schooling back home after the BoF, and it showed during the first two games, but now they're back in action! Benavides Mark 2 might still be out of the running with a broken ankle, but Mark 1 was smiling today as he took to the goal box. The Britannicans weren't about to let us waltz by with an easy win, but small-town wunderkind Rodrigo Nevarez scored our winning (and only) goal in the game, his second for the Cup, in the 71st minute. A hard pill for the Britannican goalie to swallow, but Nevarez was more than happy to shove it down his throat!

Tomorrow the team faces Liverpool England, a World Cup veteran and 12th-ranked team in the Cup. Good luck to our boys... goodbye for now to Britannicus!

Capitalizts Burn Out Stars, Remain Undefeated—But Not For Long
YU-PO, NN—The Commerce Heights Capitalizts continued their perfect record in World Cup 18 today with a hard-fought win over rivals Sarzonia. The record-breaking crowd at Capitalizm was initially shocked when Stars captain Brian Wilson quickly scored two goals, but Simoleon and Pound were able to equalize before halftime. At halftime, CHFF World Cup director Steve Pederson announced that, unless coach Lil'kansu'ny could beat Sarzonia by 3, he would no longer coach the Capitalizts. By the 90th minute, no more goals were scored, making it certain that the Abysmali would not be with the team for the next game. In injury time, PtOz scored the game-winning goal, giving the Capitailzts their third consecutive win. The new coach has not been announced by the CHFF, but various rumors suggest that Alan Belmore (TBF), Trevor Stalin (CMU), and George W. Bush VIII (CHSAR1/Aquilla) are candidates.
Final Score – Matchday 3:
Commerce Heights 3 (Simoleon 28, Pound 42, Pt Ounce 90+4)
Sarzonia 2 (Wilson 15, 24)

D2R Deadly Accurate in Directory Enquiries-like game

'Now more accurate than ever' says advert. 118th game brings 3 shots, 3 goals from Revolutionaries.

This was Match Day 3, and Dance 2 Revolution looked to continue their unbeaten run against a The Weegies side coming from a disappointing loss and win.

After a slight crock in training, 21 year old Anthony Harris replaced 25 year old first choice goalkeeper Clive Eriksson between the sticks, with The Weegies playing an orthodox 4-4-2 formation.

Maeda was given a rest, Maeda Jnr. took up his position in the Attacking-Midfield, leaving Trix to take the Left wing and "El Salvador" to take the right.

D2R got kick-off and were looking to play keep ball, getting a feel for the ball, flight and speed of the pitch at Tuner Cottage. Stroking the ball around in the D2R half and doing a few tricks for the home crowd. The way D2R were playing, you wouldn't think that they were playing a competetive match.

By the half-hour mark, The Weegies were getting slightly annoyed and eventually most of the outfield team tried to close down the ball, a through ball was played for Maeda Jnr and with a half pitch of space, and only the keeper to beat, he began his run. The keeper came out to get it. Maeda Jnr. fakey shot the ball, Harris dived and Maeda took the ball on and rolled it into the net. 1 shot and 1 goal for the 1-0.

The half ended with D2R having statistically 94% of the possession. But in reality it seemed more like 100%.

The Weegies were thankful to get a real touch of the ball at the half-time kick off. Stroking it about at will, doing what D2R did if the first half, but this time, there was a hitch. Über intercepted a pass in the heart of defence and hit a curling blinder first time, giving Harris no time to adjust his position and this was D2R's second shot of the game and they were 2-0 up.

8 minutes later, D2R got their 3rd shot...and strangely enough their 3rd goal. The Weegies were looking desperate for a goal and were pressing strongly, but the ball fell to Maeda Jnr. from an unlucky shot which beat Day and would have went in if it wasn't for Derinda to clear off the line. Maeda Jnr. hit the ball up to Kehsoot, who took the ball down with hit left foot and struck with his right, taking Harris by surprise and it flew in for 3-0, Kehsoot opening his international goalscoring account.

D2R did not have any more shots, so no more goals for them either. D2R though were peppered by shots, Day earning Man of the Match by keeping a clean sheet, D2R's first of the competition.

Final Score:
Dance 2 Revolution 3 (Maeda Jnr. 36', Über 65', Kehsoot 73')
The Weegies 0

Next Matchday: Dance 2 Revolution look to extend their unbeaten record to 4 games when they travel to Big Pimento, their first of three consecutive away matches. Big Pimento are not expected to roll over, but a performance like the last 85 minutes of MD1 and 2 or a goalscoring record like any of the matches played so far...and D2R shouldn't have a problem, but any match can be a problem on the international stage.

Godverdorrie! I just wrote this huge article and it disappeared! Heres the recap, Svecia wins 3-1 over Oddslavo in an interesting match. 1-0 to the Lightning after one half, a scrum in front of the Svecian net leads to the equalizer three minutes after halftime. A late tackle on Hanan Belagt and a scuffle lead to three yellows, including one for Belgat, and a red for the Oddslavo inciter and Druijf de Vlieger, the Svecikan goal-scorer.

Two other yellows are handed out to Mikael Solskjaer, who scores in the 68th minute off a free kick that everyone tries to kick, but all manage to miss before it rolls into the net, and to Tomas Kristiansand.

Hannes Ljungberg puts the game away for Svecia in the 79th minute after Solskjaer feeds him from the goal line.

Piet van Meer attempts to take a goal kick and slips as he kicks the ball, but doesn´t get it out of the penalty area.

And in the 89th minute, the referee, Josef Valois of Eauz, gets hit in his jewels with a pass and goes down. The injury and the time allotted for the scuffle earlier result in 10 minutes of second half stoppage time.

*Verdammte Computer*

Vikings Starting Line for Match against The Eagles Nest

The Eagles Nest: True to his word, Coach Wash announced his starting line-up as Fmjphoenix is playing in a tough crowd at The Eagles Nest. This will be a tough one for the boys in white with green trim today, but they will give it their all.

4-3-3 lineup
Goalkeeper: Powell Lamar
Defenders: Bobby Bash, Michael Bo, Wei Zeng
Midfielders: Devin McBall, Carlos Santos, Quinten Bell
Forwards: Jorge Mendel, Mike Nolan, Estaban Zues, Alex Rivera

Matchday 4 scores have been posted. (http://forums2.jolt.co.uk/showthread.php?p=7334325&posted=1#post7334325)

Legalese National opens in Grand Fashion
MNT grabs first international win with 5-2 victory over Sarzonia

Francis Town, Legalese

After three matches without a point, Legalese finally takes home their first victory, scoring five on the Sarzonians in the Grand Opening of Legalese National Stadium. Jonny Lambert and Carlos Manachev came through big for the Black and Red, scoring two goals apiece. Also knocking one in was Kris Trewands, just returning from an injury suffered in Rejistania.

The action began early, with festivities all morning. The Legalese Soccer House, the home of the Legalese Association Football Confederation, held open tours, showing fans the inner workings of the organization, as well as the “back porch” seating, which overlooks the pitch from the south end. Executive Director Miguel Carnalejo was on hand, as were the members of the Legalese Supreme Court, led by Chief Justice Quinten J. Wharli. Wharli did receive some boos, notably from the “Legal Eagles” supporters’ club, which harshly criticized his earlier support of an initiative banning those with law degrees from traveling to the nations hosting future qualifying matches involving Legalese.

After Carnalejo cut the ribbon to the gates at 1100, the fans flooded in, filling the horseshoe-shaped double-decked facility to its 85,632 seat capacity. At 12:05, the match finally got underway, to the delight of the Red and Black supporters, unsure of what to expect.

Fortunately, the Legalese MNT gave them a good show. Lambert nailed home the first goal in the 5th minute, capping off a long run with a final move around the keeper. Trewands would also get his shortly after, capitalizing on a set-piece in the 8th minute. Manachev would add his first in the 43rd minute, sending Legalese into the locker room up by 3.

Sarzonia would strike back quickly in the second half, scoring goals in the 49th and 52nd minutes, but Legalese would hold on. Manachev would convert a penalty kick, called after a fairly clear handling call on Sarzonia. The call came surprisingly enough with few protestations from the Sarzonian bench. When asked about the call, Jonathan Cochrane, Sarzonian attorney general and resident rhymemaster, shook his head, commenting, “If you do not play the ball with your feet, you will be beat.”

Cochrane’s presence appeared to be unnecessary. The “Legal Eagles” kept well under control, short an occasional boo and request for habeas corpus . Unfortunately, they will not be able to travel next week, owing to the restrictions placed on them by the Legalese government.

Legalese is now 1-3 in group play, with 10 matches remaining. They are in 6th, needing to make the top three to advance to the Final.

Lackluster Cup Continues
Falcons fail to put away lower teams

After a superb 5-0 win over Sonova, the Falcons' struggles continued as they were unable to finish off The Evil Umpire, resulting in a 1-1 draw.

"This wasn't what we were looking for," said Coach Rob afterwards. "We should've beat this team, and we need to find the problem with how we played before our next match so that we can get higher up the table."

Many of the players are getting frustrated at the team's lack of points, after coming in with such high expectations. The team currently sits in 4th place, and will need to get more wins to move up - a 1-2-1 record isn't exactly what we had hoped for.

"We need to improve our crossing and finishing," said Coach Ed. "We had too many wasted opportunities in that game, and if we play like that tomorrow, we won't win that game, either. If our starters can't produce, we've got 7 capable substitutes."

The Falcons are favored to defeat The Latin Union tomorrow night, but the Aquilian people aren't very confident after these first 4 games. Last year's team would've been satisfied with this record, but then, they were ranked 42 spots lower.

Final Score:
Aquiliana 1 (Grinniman 37)
The Evil Umpire 1 (62')

The Gameday Report

The Latin Union has made a decent showing so far, picking up a win and a draw in their first 4 matches. However, with their obscenely low ranking, they won't be favored in many matches for a little while, and this is no different. Aquiliana, despite their struggles so far, have to be favored, with the much higher ranking and better record. Coach Ed is looking for more production from his attackers; if they aren't playing well early, he's going to put subs in early to see if they can't provide that spark.

Sciuntus, the largest city in Aquiliana, hosts 5 clubs in its metropolitan area. Sciuntus FC, one of the top teams in the LPA, plays in this beautiful outdoor stadium, which holds over 75,000. The weather forecast says there shouldn't be any water on the ground, so let's hope the irrigation system is working properly - the Falcons play much better on soft ground.

Predictions:

Drew - Aquiliana 2-0
Mitch - Draw 0-0
Curt - Aquiliana 2-1


1 Liverpool England 4 4 0 0 11 2 9 12
2 Halfassedstates 4 2 1 1 6 4 2 7
3 Starblaydia 4 2 1 1 4 3 1 7
4 Aquiliana 4 1 2 1 9 5 4 5
5 Nova Britannicus 4 1 2 1 6 5 1 5
6 The Latin Union 4 1 1 2 5 7 -2 4
7 The Evil Umpire 4 1 1 2 4 7 -3 4
8 Sonova 4 0 0 4 2 14 -12 0


MATCH SCHEDULE

MD1: Aquiliana 2-2 Nova Brittanicus (Cärnirässe National, AC Igneas)
MD2: Aquiliana 1-2 Liverpool England (Belua Memorial Field, Nidola FC)
MD3: Aquiliana 5-0 Sonova (Doma Artola, Farca City)
MD4: The Evil Umpire 1-1 Aquiliana
MD5: Aquiliana vs. The Latin Union (Vivarium Sciunti, Sciuntus FC)
MD6: Aquiliana vs. Starblaydia (Altissima National, Altissima)
MD7: Aquiliana vs. Halfassedstates (Inexpugna, Ubertas FC)
MD8: Nova Brittanicus vs. Aquiliana
MD9: Liverpool England vs. Aquiliana
MD10: Sonova vs. Aquiliana
MD11: Aquiliana vs. The Evil Umpire (Stadia Cuperta, Nova Malta FC)
MD12: The Latin Union vs. Aquiliana
MD13: Starblaydia vs. Aquiliana (Hallad City Stadium, Hallad Reavers)
MD14: Halfassedstates vs. Aquiliana

Strike Birds Defeat Fmjphoenix On Road

Nest All Abuzz About Next Match Against Kaze Progressa

The Nest scored 2 goals quickly in the first half to lead 2-1 at halftime, but couldn't score again in a lackluster second half as the Nest defeated Fmjphoenix 2-1. Secour and Horace scored for the Nest, Jorge Mendel scored for Fmjphoenix.

Even though Fmjphoenix did try numeroustimes to get a goal past the Nest in the second half, it was clear that the Strike Birds were thinking defense and trying many new setups and schemes in obvious preperation for the most crucial match in this cup, the first match against Kaze Progressa. The match was officially sold out as of Saturday, with ticket prices going as high as 750 claws ($500) on the street.

"Defense is what is going to win this match. With the lead against Fmjphoenix, we had to see if we could hold it if we needed to and didn't try to score a third goal, but put ourselves in a pressure situation. The men did well, and I think we are ready for this next match," Nest Coach Aefnen said upon their return to the Nest.

Both KP and TEN won their MD4 game, setting up a situation where the Nest could open up a large lead on second place, or allow this to become a 4 horse race for three spots if KP, SN38 and Krytenia could all earn some points tomorrow. If the Nest can eek out three points, then they could open up a 4 or 5 point lead if not more over the rest of the group. It is very certain that most other teams will be rooting for KP to pull the upset of the group tomorrow.


Pos Team P W D L F A GD Pts PP
1 The Eagles Nest 4 4 0 0 11 3 8 12 42
2 Kaze Progressa 4 3 1 0 12 4 8 10 40
3 Snub Nose 38 4 2 2 0 7 4 3 8 38
4 Krytenia 4 2 1 1 9 7 2 7 37
5 Spurland 4 1 1 2 5 7 -2 4 34
6 Fmjphoenix 4 0 2 2 6 11 -5 2 32
7 Qia 4 0 1 3 6 9 -3 1 31
8 Ashibot 4 0 0 4 0 11 -11 0 30


The Eagle's Nest Strike Bird Qualification Run
Matchday 1: The Eagle's Nest vs. Ashibot Win 3-0
Matchday 2: The Eagle's Nest @ Krytenia Win 3-1
Matchday 3: The Eagle's Nest vs. Spurland Win 3-1
Matchday 4: The Eagle's Nest @ Fmjphoenix Win 2-1
Matchday 5: The Eagle's Nest vs. Kaze Progressa
Matchday 6: The Eagle's Nest @ Snub Nose 38
Matchday 7: The Eagle's Nest vs. Qia
-----------------------------------------------------
Matchday 8: The Eagle's Nest @ Ashibot
Matchday 9: The Eagle's Nest vs. Krytenia
Matchday 10: The Eagle's Nest @ Spurland
Matchday 11: The Eagle's Nest vs. Fmjphoenix
Matchday 12: The Eagle's Nest @ Kaze Progressa
Matchday 13: The Eagle's Nest vs. Snub Nose 38
Matchday 14: The Eagle's Nest @ Qia


*Shadowry Figure* Have you figured out why we were stuck on three?

*Lackey* No sir, Coach Aefnen did not allow us sufficient data. But I see the reasoning behind his strategy. In the case that a lead must be held, practice is crucial.

SF: Very well, get the RP machine working perfectly...you have less than 24 hours....don't disappoint me.

L: *Gulp* yes sir.

SF: Guido will be checking up on you...and yes, i did talk to that referree, and he seems agreeable. We'll see after the match is over what his....reward will be.

L: Yes sir. *turns and leaves*

Insanicians bored says some guy who also looked bored

The Insanicians like their Svecia counterparts are still in the qualifying spots 4 matches in, although both have had slip ups. TnUI away at the equally old Lemmings who played their first World Cup Finals in Total n Utter Insanity back in World Cup 3. The team put it down to the Bedistani home bonus being too high, they said this again with a narrow victory over Myrulesia yesterday. The press asked if the home bonus was so high how did Dance 2 Revolution, who the Insanicians are playing in a month beat Big Pimento 6-2 away from home. The Insanicians replied with silence and then legged it to study up on some D2R video tapes. Svecia meanwhile only managed a weak draw away at Finrods.

Pos Team P W D L GF GA GD Pts
1 Dance 2 Revolution 4 4 0 0 17 4 13 12
2 Lemmitania 4 3 1 0 8 2 6 10
3 Total n Utter Insanity 4 3 0 1 11 4 7 9
-------------------------------------------------------------------
4 Big Pimento 4 2 0 2 7 9 -2 6

Pos Team P W D L GF GA GD Pts
1 Squornshelous 4 4 0 0 14 3 11 12
2 Svecia 4 3 1 0 9 3 6 10
3 Artoonia 4 2 1 1 8 7 1 7
-------------------------------------------------------------------
4 Oddslavo 4 1 1 2 5 6 -1 4

They shot R-2!

Squornshelous rolls over their fourth opponent

An easy win against Artoonia sees Squornshelous stay 3rd place overall in qualifying, behind Rejistania, who have yet to allow a goal, and our nemesis, Daance 2 Revolution, upon whom we shall declare undying jiha. . I mean, we don't wish them as much luck as everyone else.

Game Higlights:

4th Minute:
Squornshelous nearly start the game with a goal. Raskolnikov gets off a crooked shot from the corner, which beat the keeper, but didn't beat the net, going wide of the goal.

13th Minute:
Raskolnikov almost puts another in. his header, following an Otto Friedel corner kick, goes just high.

26th Minute:
The Pschychoes keep the pressure on and are rewarded with a mental lapse from the defense. Raskolnikov finds himself double teamed in the middl of the field. He does a quick backheel to Friedel, who finds a wide open Bjorn Arnesson. Arnesson hammers the ball past the keeper for the match opener.

32nd Minute:
Rodolfo Puente scores on a direct free kick from just outside the box. He puts so much topspin on the ball that it actually drops down under the diving keeper and rolls into the net.

45th Minute:
Halftime: 2-0 Squornshelous

48th Minute:
The fighting astromechs (or whatever) have thei first good chance on a long shot from outside the box. It crosses in but Perez is able to get a fst on it to knock it free. Travis Delmore heads the following corner out of danger.

60th Minute:
Castillan Scores! Raskonikov takes a low angle shot from point-blank range and it rebounds off the keepers leg into the penalty area. As (keeper) scrambles back toward the middle of the net, Castillan knocks the ball back to the corner he had just left. The ball sails past (keeper) as he falls bckward in a vain attempt to save it.

67th Minute:
Artoonia makes a play for dignity. (striker) manages to find an opening in the defense and gets off a shot that deflects very slightly off of Earvin Jones' leg. Enough to redirect it past Perez' foot.

78th Minute:
Raskolnikov puts in the insurance marker. He waits patiently at the far side of the box while Castillan and Puente work the ball on the sideline. Eventually, his marker loses track of hm and Puente sends a high cross to the middle. Raskolnikov meets it with his forehead, sending it hard into the net.

Final Score:
Squornshelous 4-1 Artoonia

Scoring Summary:
SQ: Arnesson [26]
SQ: Puente [32]
SQ: Castillan [60]
R2: (striker) [67]
SQ: Raskolnikov [78]

Referee:
Dr. X [2:9] -Eauz-

Squornshelous' Scorers:
Raskolnikov: 6
Castillan: 3
Puente: 3
Arnesson: 2


Up Next:
Squornshelous will play their next game against group favorites Svecia.. Although its been a while since these two teams have played, and few of the games between them have been of great importance or excitement, there will be a little animosity in the air for any Squornshelan fans at the game. This animosity, of course, dates back to Squornshelous' World Cup debut, whe Svecia eliminated us from competition in the quarterfinals.
Predicted Score: Squornshelous 1-1 Svecia

Squornshelous' Qualifying Schedule:
wins losses draws

MD01: Squornshelous 5-1 Finrods
MD02: Sarcodina 1-2 Squornshelous
MD03: Squornshelous 3-0 Wella
MD04: Artoonia 1-4 Squornshelous
MD05: Svecia v Squornshelous
MD06: Dennisov v Squornshelous
MD07: Squornshelous v Oddslavo
MD08: Finrods v Squornshelous
MD09: Squornshelous v Sarcodina
MD10: Wella v Squornshelous
MD11: Squornshelous v Artoonia
MD12: Squornshelous v Svecia
MD13: Squornshelous v Dennisov
MD14: Oddslavo v Squornshelous



Group 7 standings after Matchday 2:

Pos Team P W D L GF GA GD Pts
1 Squornshelous 4 4 0 0 14 3 11 12
2 Svecia 4 3 1 0 9 3 6 10
3 Artoonia 4 2 1 1 8 7 1 7
4 Oddslavo 4 1 1 2 5 6 -1 4
5 Dennisov 4 1 1 2 3 5 -2 4
6 Sarcodina 4 1 0 3 3 7 -4 3
7 Wella 4 1 0 3 4 10 -6 3
8 Finrods 4 0 2 2 5 10 -5 2

OOC: Latin Union, qualifying games are played home-and-away, not in Bedistan or Eauz. RP will be edited in to this post in a while.

Fmjphoenix still upbeat despite tough 2-1 loss agains The Eagles Nest
By Roger Cede

The Eagles Nest: Mike Nolan had a good shot at 88' and took it. It looked like the Vikings were going to get another goal and bring a draw against the top rated team in the group. Nolan legged back and fired his shot and it was over. TEN goalkeeper Boyd Gregor sat up craddling the ball in his hands before he tossed it in to his teammate to seal the victory. Nolan tried to force a third straight draw with a late, critical goal. This time, the goalkeeper got the better of him. There was little scoring and the game was mostly highlighted by stellar defensive plays by both sides.

"I was like YES!!!!! Then he(Boyd Gregor) caught the ball. It was heartbreaking. All I wanted was to bring it even so we could walk away with some points." Mike Nolan told reporters after the match was done.

The Eagles Nest jumped out to a quick 2-0 lead with Siggy Secour and Horace scoring within the first 20 minutes. About 5 minutes before time stoppage in the first half, Jorge Mendel broke downfield for the Vikings only goal in this match. After that, it was all defense. The Eagles Nest were changing their defensive schemes a lot during the second half, looking for strengths and weaknesses for their next match while trying to keep their lead. Fmjphoenix did manage a lot of shots in the second half, but Gregor was fierce in not allowing a single goal for the last 50 minutes of the match.

After their second loss, the Fmjphoenix Vikings find themselves in a tough situation. They must win their next game to have a chance in qualifying.It could easily be shown that they have had a hard schedule and tough group to face for their first run in the World Cup, but they are gaining expierence quickly by playing such intense opponents. Tommorow, the Vikings return home to the friendly confines of Viking Arena for a important match against 4th place Krytenia. Again, the Vikings find themselves the underdogs, as they have been the every match. They have to come in focused and prepared to play hard and they must know that they have the ability to win and can win. If they come in with the right mentality, they can walk away with a win and perhaps momentum for the rest of the qualifying round.

"Theses guys put forth a great effor against the 1st place team and highest ranked team in the group. We are ranked like eighty-seventh out of one hundred and thirty in the world, and they are ranked like seventh. I think the fact that it was so close shows we can play with the big boys. The 4-3-3 seemed to work pretty good against this team so we are going to keep using it for a while." Coach Wash said in a press conference. "Now we go home and we are looking to add points hereand get going. This is not the Baptism of Fire. This is much better and tougher. We need to prove we belong here."

Goals
Horace - 7'25
Siggy Secour - 16'30
Jorge Mendel - 45'

Final Score:
Fmjphoenix [1] - The Eagles Nest [2]

Referees:
Mark Grant
Angor Segora

Pos Team P W D L GF GA GD Pts
1 The Eagles Nest 4 4 0 0 11 3 8 12
2 Kaze Progessa 4 3 1 0 12 4 8 10
3 Snub Nose 38 4 2 2 0 7 4 3 8
4 Krytenia 4 2 1 1 9 7 2 7
5 Spurland 4 1 1 2 5 7 -2 4
6 Fmjphoenix 4 0 2 2 6 11 -5 2
7 Qia 4 0 1 3 6 9 -3 1
8 Ashibot 4 0 0 4 0 11 -11 0

Sirx and Philosophers go 4-0-0
Liverpool England won a tricky away game at The Latin Union 3-1 yesterday. Playing with an unchanged team from the one that beat Aquiliana last time out, the Philosophers quickly got into action, a 4th minute goal seeming to do all the damage as the Latin Union defence seemed to just crumble, as two more goals in quick succession saw the Union trailing 3-0 by the half-hour mark. However, the defence got too complacent, and gave away a sloppy penalty; Union #6 player putting the ball in the net.

World Cup Winning Keeper Suffers Stroke
Liverpool England's former World Cup winning goalkeeper, Mark Hearne, has suffered a stroke. Hearne, 66, was reportedly playing football with his 38-year-old son, who has also represented Liverpool England at senior level, and his 4-year-old grandson, when he collapsed. He was rushed to hospital and is in critical condition. The FALE held an emergency meeting, but it was decided that the team would not forfeit their match against The Latin Union, a move which would have lost the team 3 points.

Sirx Offers Encouragement to Fmjpheonix Coach
Liverpool England's Chacorian manager Sirx today offered words of encouragement to the Fmjpheonix team and coach. He noted the difficulty of the task Fmjpheonix were facing against some teams, but reassured Coach Wash that his team's determination would pay off. Fmjpheonix, he said, would pose a threat to teams thinking about finishing in the last qualifying spot.

Ha~e Hangila Offered Liverpool England Citizenship
Ha~e Hangila, the Managing Officer behind the Philosophers, has been offered a Liverpool England passport by the Government and Prime Minister Marc Newells. Hangila, a Rejistanian, has refused to comment about the matter, but it is expected he will consult his lawyer, and Rejistanian authorities.

Paul Dussis Wins Highest Sporting Honour
The FALE Chairman Paul Dussis, a World Cup winner, expressed his sadness over the stroke suffered by former teammate Mark Hearne. He was at the Presidential Office, ready to accept the highest honour in sports in the nation, an award given for contributions to Liverpool England sports. Only one other football name was given the award, the late World Cup winning manager Sir Jim Whites, who was presented with it posthumously.

Pressure Rising For Karpova

After last night's disappointing 2-0 defeat to The Lowland Clans, Maserrat slipped down to sixth place in the table, and their target of fifteen points looks farther away than ever before. Four wins are needed in ten games, and at the moment it is difficult to see where these wins are coming from. Granted, nobody has beaten The Lowland Clans so far, and nobody has scored against them either, but this may not be enough to save Karpova who, only four games after the team's win in the Baptism Of Fire Cup, is looking to be halfway out the door. A defeat today against Lykaai could pretty much seal the deal, although the FA have said they will give him until the end of the qualifiers to prove himself. Many fans have already lost their confidence in him though, and if the team do not start picking up points soon, that will be the end of Karpova's reign as team coach.

The Tribune Tribune
Serving Druid Tribune and the surrounding area

MARGARETISATION FEVER REACHES FEVER PITCH
By Trefor (Ahem... Margaret) Blackmore at Druida 2 Audioslavia 1

OK, I did promise you all that if Druida could pull off one of the biggest shocks in the history of the world ever and beat Audioslavia, I would change my name to Margaret. Of course, I, like everyone else in the entire world, didn't think we actually had a chance other than a cat in hell's. But prepare to be amazed by what you're about to read.

Final score:

Druida 2-1 Audioslavia
Urk 7 Dannes 80
Vincent 85


Yes, the piss-awful footballing nation of Druida (that isn't our official name, it's actually quite a nice place), with the very same team that was beaten 4-0 by The Latin Union in the recent Batism of Fire tournament scored more goals in the same match as the sixth-best team in the world. Hell, they're better than those frikkin' Druids over the border, and you could imagine the shock if we'd have beaten them. Well, it is like that, only bigger.

OK, I guess we should stop rubbing it in for any Audioslavs reading. To be honest, they battered Druida, who only actually had one genuine "shot" on target. That came on seven minutes, when the giant zucchini type thing that is Urk bundled home a swift passing move involving Merthyr, Cymru and Andrews before Urk made himself some space to shoot. You can't really bet against the living legend to miss given that kind of time, and so the rainbows were somehow in front.

It gave the slaves the kick up the backside they needed. Though the team the rainbows were up against was probably not necessarily the first choice Audioslavia starting eleven, they were unchanged from an easy win over Avenging Altos in their previous match. From here on in, the visitors hammered their hosts, but had very little to show for it.

In the first half alone, McLlroy, Bracken and Jaynes all had efforts tipped away at full stretch by Edwards in the Druida goal, while Tanner hit the post not just once, but twice. By half time, everyone in the Margaret Stadium was wondering how the Druian team had a lead. Perhaps they had their Margaret Army to thank. Who knows, in fact, who cares? The rainbows were leading at half time.

The second half continued in the same vein as the first. First Bracken, then Tanner both brought the best out of Edwards, before Bracken had a shocking miss, somehow missing the ball completely with an open goal gaping in front of him. Enough was enough. Something had to be done.

The Audioslavia changes brought two first choice players, Marriot and Dannes, into the game, but still chance after chance went a begging. It was only after the final slaves sub, Jansen, came on, that they eventually got what they needed. A goal.

Jansen's trickery was too much for Richards, who looked like a baby who had had it's candy stolen. Only with less tears. The substitute toyed with Richards no end, and it was his cross that Oliver Dannes headed home past a stationary Edwards.

Everyone in the ground thought that that was it, the rainbows number was up. It was backs against the wall stuff from here on in, but nobody could really see Druida hanging on for an unlikely draw. But then, the unthinkable happened. Druida scored again. First of all, they managed to get the ball out of their own half, as Rhys' clearance (or hoof, for want of a better word) caused a little panic in the slaves defence, and somehow managed to go for a corner. Then from the corner, Johnstone's clearance thumped Druida sub Garth Vincent somewhere on the back of his body and bobbled in.

Yes it was 2-1, but there was still work to be done. The addition of Trevor Wilton to the Druida defence made them stronger, and they managed to keep out the late onslaught. And so 2-1 it finished, a result that will shock the world, and put Druida a point clear at the top of Group 3. Anyone who thought that Druida would ever top this group before the start of the campaign would have been taken away by men in white coats, but the unthinkable is happening. Of course, the task doesn't get any easier, as a trip to Tadjikistan is up next. Expect a bringing back down to earth performance by the rainbows in that one.

Teams:

Druida: Edwards; Thunk, Rhys, Myffanwy, Richards; Merthyr, Cymru (sub: Tobias 69), Daffydd (sub: Wilton 86), James; Andrews (sub: Vincent 76), Urk.

Audioslavia: Redbank; O'Rourke, Johnstone, Artaxiad, McFarland; Tessem, Jaynes (sub: Jansen 74), Johansen, Tanner (sub: Marriot 63); Bracken (sub: Dannes 63), McLLroy.

Meanwhile, the government's "Margaretisation" programme to create a "Margaret Army" will have been done no harm at all by the team's latest result. Despite it still being early days, President Margaret Smith has already called the Audioslavia result as "evidence that Margaretisation actually works." Although much of the world still seems skeptical, especially of the authenticity of the sacrifice equipment being offered by the Druidan government, President Smith still expects similar schemes to be set up in other places around the world. "It is only a matter of time," he said, "until the rest of the world cotton on to the idea that this seemingly bird-brained scheme actually works. not that I'm calling the original Margaret a bird-brain. I've never met her, she's probably a very intelligable woman. I mean, that's probably what people think of the idea we had."






ADVERTISING FEATURE



MARGARETS OF DRUIDA

Have you recently changed your name to Margaret as part of the Druidan Margaretisation scheme? If you have, you'll probably know that you will be expected to perform certain rituals you will now be expected to follow involving the sacrifice of chickens. But to do this, you're going to need the correct equipment. That's why you'll need...

THE MARGARET BRAZIER!

The brazier is of course an important part of any sacrificial offering. Don't know what to do with one? Well, you... er... you brazie.. things. Anyway, you need one, and they're only available from the Druidan government.

DISCLAIMER: These products are not endorsed by "Margaret" in any way shape or form, only by the various Margarets in the Druidan government. Any resembelence to any characters, real or fictional, is purely deliberate.

Stars shocked by 'Legal' troubles, 5-2

The Sarzonian national team weren't saying it publicly, but they expected an easy win. They expected to walk into Legalese National Stadium and walk out with what amounted to a training match before their critical showdown against the world's top team. The players ended up befuddled and the coach ended up angry and the team ended up on the wrong end of a 5-2 score.

After the match, Coach Dave Wilson closed the locker room door and screamed at his team for 20 minutes, making him late to the post match press conference. When he finally arrived, the three reporters who remained got quite a mouthful from an incensed coach.

"That was absolutely the worst match I have ever seen our team play," Wilson said. "There is absolutely no reason why we should have lost an away match against a team that is that much lower in the world rankings than we are.

"I told the guys that they have to do a hell of a lot better against Rejistania or I'm going to clean house."

He could start with the back line. Defender Mike Coyle was left out of the starting 11 as a precaution, but he entered the match for defender William Jackson to start the second half.

"The [defensive] problems weren't all William's fault," assistant coach Barry Owens said. "But it's clear we lose something when Mike Coyle isn't playing. He could have started, but we wanted to save him for the Rejistania match. We're not in the position to do that now."

Jackson left the locker room without speaking to reporters. Owens said that Coyle would start the next match barring an aggravation of the ankle injury that sidelined him for the 3-2 loss to Commerce Heights.

"We're going to need all our bullets in that match," forward and team captain Brian Wilson said. "You saw what happened when we went without one of our starting defenders."

Dave Wilson said the team would shift to a 3-5-2 formation if Coyle can't go, with George Mitcham earning a start in the midfield.

"Our defense needs to tighten up," Dave Wilson said. "Rejistania is known for their defense so we can't afford one of their few runs to result in a goal or we're going to have to climb Mt. Everest."

Dave Wilson also said the team would focus on possession football, making short passes and trying to control the pace of the match.

"We can't play a lot of long balls against that team. We need to get and hold onto the ball and make them chase. That will give us a better chance to beat that defense."

For once, the Sarzonian coach said nothing about pronouncing the name of the Rejistanian forward just promoted from the Under 21 national team.

"Pronouncing that guy's name is about the least of my priorities right now," he said.

Jeruselem Government News

Jeruselem back in Group 1 top 3

It was a struggle but Jeruselem managed to beat cellar-dweller New Dubai to register another win for the World Cup XVIII. The narrrow 3-2 win to Jeruselem put them 3rd on the Group 1 table with 2 wins. After losing to a another lower ranked team before, the Jeruselem offense compensated for the slack defensive performance to score three goals in a game.

New Dubai was 2-1 up after half-time when the inexperienced jeruselem defense, made mistakes leading to two easy Dubia goals. Many of the senior defenders were not playing due to minor injuries and the reserve team got a chance to play. Mimi Goldstein scored a goal near the end of the 1st half with a Becks-style free kick to pull a goal back.

In the second half, the offense got moving and pressured the New Dubai defense. A header of Jesus Jones deflected off a Dubai defender to put home an own goal to the benefit of Jeruselem. Jeruselem defender Goerge Boosh scored the winning goal when he side-footed home a low shot under the keeper.

In other games Iansisle had another easy win while Spaam was held to a draw by Smoking Pits 1 ALL. Crystilakere escaped like Jeruselem with a lucky win beating Slaikau 3-2 as well.

Group 1
Wapahkoneta 1-5 Iansisle
Smoking Pits 1-1 Spaam
Slaikau 2-3 Crystilakere
New Dubai 2-3 Jeruselem


Group 1

Pos Team P W D L GF GA GD Pts
1 Iansisle 4 3 1 0 16 4 12 10
2 Crystilakere 4 3 0 1 10 6 4 9
3 Jeruselem 4 2 1 1 6 6 0 7
4 Spaam 4 1 2 1 4 4 0 5
5 Smoking Pits 4 1 2 1 3 5 -2 5
6 Slaikau 4 0 3 1 6 7 -1 3
7 Wapahkoneta 4 1 0 3 4 8 -4 3
8 New Dubai 4 0 1 3 4 13 -9 1

We Wuz Robbed!
In what universe was that game a 0-0 draw?

A packed out fourty-four thousand saw what was dubbed as 'the most prestigious game in Britannican history' as we travelled across the border to Foxchester, the first ever international meeting between Starblaydia and Nova Britannicus

The teams lined up as follows, Starblaydia (4-1-3-2) and Nova Britannicus (4-2-4)


1
Da Silva

2 5 3 14
Salisbury Durand Nicholson Bachchan
4
R Di Bradini

15 8 7
Tissot Naoki Stark

*10* 9
S Di Bradini Hall

=============================================

21 9 16 7
Davis C. Bowman McDonald England

4 8
Willis Hogue

*2* 13 20 3
J. Bowman Saddler Bates Fletcher

1
Tuckworth


Both sides had come out with tactical surprises in this match, judging by their formations. Starblaydia had dropped the industry of Michael Hawthorne on the left and gone for a risky attacking formation to exploit what would hopefully be a weak defence. Michael Tissot came in on the right-side of midfield while J.J. Stark switched flanks to the left. With Tetsuo Naoki in the middle and Di Bradnin/Hall up front this was a front-five to be truly feared. Nineteen year-old Paulo Bachchan came in in a flat-backed four once more as he took Ki-Jana Carter's place in the eleven, Starblaydia obviously feeling able to rely on twenty-four year-old Roberto Di Bradini to hold the midfield and sit in front of the back four for Starblaydia, taking up the spaces they expected the Navy-Blue inside forwards to exploit.

As it was, Nova Britannicus pulled a surprise tactical switch of their own, reverting to the 4-2-4 of their Colony Cup 1.1 and AOCAF3 side, although with a few switches. Plenty of Foxchester Raiders' players came out to play in their home stadium, with the centre-half partnership of Saddler and Bates being shown for the first time on the international stage. Willis and Hogue still held the midfield, though Dean Caliban's voracious goal-scoring abilities were sacrified for the more defensive stylings of Matthew Davis. He and Kenny England, along with Centre-Forward John McDonald, would withdraw to the midfield to make a solid 4-5-1 that Starblaydia would be hard pressed to break down. And so it proved.

Faced against a solid wall of up to nine Britannicans at once, right from the kick-off, Starblaydia were forced to expose themselves my throwing more men up front even than the five they'd already planned for.

'Here's Stark, hits it forward for... offside. No, it won't count. Eomer Hall had already prodded the ball past Henry Tuckworth in the Britannican goal, but the flag was up.'

The bad luck with the Britannican offside-trap continued throughout the first half

'Roberto Di Bradini with a perfect slide-tackle on Hogue, plays it to Naoki, knocks it wide for Simeone Di Bradini! He's clean through! Out comes Tuckworth, but, its in! A goal for... no! Wait! The assistant referee on the near-side has ruled it offside with a late, late flag, and Di Bradini is furious, the Starblaydi captain just cannot believe it.'

'There's Simeone Di Bradini, flagged for offside again. I just don't understand it, up here in the commentary box and on the replays we can see that Starblaydia are being continually penalised unfairly. Unless we haven't read the latest rule-book, of course.'

The bad luck in front of the Britannican goal continued, with the ball in the back of the Navy-Blues net a further three times, all of which ruled-out for some foul, unseen by anyone but the referee, and perhaps some Britannicans.

'Corner, from Salisbury on the right, whipped it, Tuckworth's come and the ball's high in the air! Hall goes up for it and.. nodded in! But no! The whistle's gone for a foul on the 'keeper by Hall.'

'The first real opportunity of the second half here, Starblaydia with a free-kick in perfect Ceri Salisbury territory. Its twenty-five yards out, slightly to the left. Here it comes. What?! The ball has flown into the net like a rocket, but the referee has blown for a foul! Tetsuo Naoki has been deemed to have pushed... the entire wall? I genuniely cannot believe this.'

'Tissot, collecting the ball on the right touch-line. A long ball along the grass for Di Bradini. What a piece of skill, down by the by-line! Crossed and... its in! Eomer Hall with... another disallowed goal!

Though Thirty years of age, record international scorer and Captain of his country, Simeone Di Bradini performing a crazy backwards-Cryuff Turn in the air on the far touchline to keep the ball in just isn't deemed good enough for a goal by some referee's assistants, it seems. 'The ball went out' my arse. Um, let me re-phrase that. 'The ball went out.' said the linesman. 'My Arse! That was in!' we said...

No matter the random connotations implyed from disagreeing with the linesman, Starblaydia were simply denied their perfectly-good goals at every turn. Then comes the real possibility of a goal when Starblaydia were awarded a penalty. Unfortunately, Simeone Di Bradini had been strechered off from the yellow card-winning tackle by Joe Fletcher that had caused the penalty. With Ceri Salisbury already substituted for Lucas Palmer, it was down to young Tetsuo Naoki to take the kick.

With cries of 'Typical!' echoing around the park, Naoki fell to his knees as he missed the penalty. By trying for placement more than power, Naoki had allowed Tuckworth to scramble across and get a palm to the ball, pushing it onto the post and out for a corner. Nothing came of that, obviously, and Starblaydia left the field with a general sense of 'Huh?'


Final Score from The Raider's Den:
Nova Britannicus 0 - 0 Starblaydia
(None) - (None)

- ...on 4 matches we've got 8 points - 2 wins and 2 draws.
- Ben?
- Yes, Mr. Easter --- there in the back.
- Could you elaborate on your plans for the next match?
- No.
- No?
- No.
- But...
- Listen, if I were to tell you what my strategy is for the next match, Mike, what would you do?
- Well, I'd include it in the article I'm writing for Scuttlebutt on this press conference.
- Of course you would, because you're a reporter, and that's what reporters do.
- What?
- They report things.
- Uh...yeah.
- And, if you report it, who get's to read it?
- Why, anybody who buys a copy of Scuttlebutt.
- Including the management of our opposition?
- Of course...oh...of course...
- Any other questions?
- Ben?
- Miss D'Order.
- Ben, Sir Bugs of Bunny injured his ankle in the Hooligans last match. Will he be ready for their next match.
- Have you been listening?
- Have I been...
- ...Listening. What did I just tell Mike?
- But...but...
- Turn off that motor, and if you want me to answer a question, ask one the answer to which will not help our opponents.
- Sorry...
- Ben?
- Remington?
- Um...
- Remington?
- Well...um...
- Remington?
- ...Well, for Pete's sake, Ben! There are no questions that our readers would be interested in the answers to that wouldn't give some information to the Hooligans opposition!
- There aren't?
- No.
- Oh. Then this press conference is over.

- Did you see this?
- Yes, Margaret, I've seen it.

ADVERTISING FEATURE



MARGARETS OF DRUIDA

Have you recently changed your name to Margaret as part of the Druidan Margaretisation scheme? If you have, you'll probably know that you will be expected to perform certain rituals you will now be expected to follow involving the sacrifice of chickens. But to do this, you're going to need the correct equipment. That's why you'll need...

THE MARGARET BRAZIER!

The brazier is of course an important part of any sacrificial offering. Don't know what to do with one?
Well, you... er... you brazie.. things. Anyway, you need one, and
they're only available from the Druidan government.

DISCLAIMER: These products are not endorsed by "Margaret" in any way shape or form, only by the various Margarets in the Druidan government. Any resembelence to any characters, real or fictional, is purely deliberate.

- And have you seen the other ones?
- Other...?
- Other Druidian "Margaret Stuff" adds.
- Oh...yes.
- And what have you done about it?
- Done? Nothing.
- As usual.
- Rude...why must you always be rude?
- Clueless...why must you always be clueless?
- What are you on about? Read the disclaimer.
- I don't care about the disclaimer.
- Well, then, what?
- I care about lost revenue.
- Huh?
- We've been years building my reputation. Now, these Druidian bozos go and cash in on it.
- And?
- WE should be cashing in on it!
- Well, what do you want me to do?
- Go to the Ministry of Justice and Real Estate. See if they remember anything about the "Justice" part, and sue the pants off Druidia.
- Can we do that?
- Only if they have pants.

Records broken again!

D2R score over 5 for the first time ever(And they only scored 5 two matches ago!)

D2R travelled to Big Pimento for the 4th game of the qualifying campaign and this was the first of 3 consecutively played away. D2R were seemingly confident, Maeda was placed back into the team after being rested against the Weegies and Maeda Jnr. was placed out of the team for fear of burnout.

Big Pimento took the kick-off, and exactly what happened in Match-Day 1 and 2, the opposing team took an early lead with Il running past Derinda and placing it to the left of the flailing Day.

11 minutes later Big Pimento doubled their lead when a long range shot by Ngogadi was spilled by Day and Valentine was there to tap the ball into the back of the net.

Maeda pulled one back 11 minutes from half time with a stunning 25 yard volley flicked up for him by Kehsoot that flew into the top corner for 2-1.

Half-time came with a buzz around the Big Pimento locker room, being the first team this cup to go into half time leading Dance 2 Revolution. But the Revolutionary players were also happy, knowing they still had 45 minutes to pull the game back.

And pull back they did, 7 minutes into the match Über outran lewis and placed the ball beyond Madhavapeddi for the equalising goal.

Dance 2 Revolution took the lead in the 64th minute when 1 touch passing between Maeda and Über brought Maeda through on goal who sent the 'keeper the wrong way for 3-2

Maeda got his hat-trick as D2R took control in the 71st minute when Maeda exploited the hole in defense as Saampiilyonen had went forward, leaving Madhavapeddi exposed and Maeda made no mistakes to seal his hat trick.

Big Pimento were now left 2 goals down after going 2 goals up in the first half, and now trying to press, leaving them outnumbered at the back, Über won the ball from a clearance and lobbed Madhavapeddi from just outside the area for 5-2.

Dance 2 Revolution put the icing on the win in the 86th minute from a Über free kick, brought when Keshoot was brought down needlessly by Caballero, who was carded. Über then took the shot which went brilliantly into the top corner and that completed the second hat trick of the night.

Final Score:
Big Pimento 2 (Il 2', Valentine 13')
Dance 2 Revolution 6 (Maeda 34', 64', 71', Über 52', 73', 86')

Next Matchday: Dance 2 Revolution face their toughest challenge in the group as they travel to so far dissapointing Total n Utter Insanity away from home. Dance 2 Revolution expect hostility from the crowd after eliminating the Insanicians in the Quarter-Finals of World Cup 17 (Which D2R reached the finals of). We don't expect the match to be easy, hell we don't expect it to be a match of moderate difficulty. We expect it to be god damed difficult, but with TnUI not on the best of form, D2R will be hopefully trying to exploit any weakness they can find in the Insanician team.

Coach Wash gets team prepared mentally and spiritually for match agaisnt Krytenia
By Allen Newhouse

Vanguard, FMJPhoenix: Coach Wash and his team can be found before games, but not talked to. Why? Because they will spend between 30-45 minutes meditating to mentally and spiritually prepare the team and hel them get focused. Reports say that they could hear sounds of nature coming from under the lockerroom door, such as flowing water in a river, the downpour of rain, and the sounds of winds gently blowing on trees and grass. It appears that he plans on using this approach before everygame because it helps you clear your mind and feel inner peace.

"I want our boys to feel calm and peaceful within themselves. IF they feel unsettled or distrot, they will not be able to play to their full capabilities." Coach Wash told reporters before he went to join his team in the locker room. "I already told the guys about the words of encouragement fromLiverpool England's Chacorian manager Sirx. That started to make the boys feel good and like they can do somehting today! This will be a good game down to the last minute."

Daily Kangaroo special

MYSTERY MACHINE SLIPS THROUGH AIRPORT CONTROLS

A complex and as yet unidentified piece of machinery slipped through controls at Kaza's main international airport last night.

The machine left on a flight to The Eagles Nest, who play the Progressans in a World Cup qualifying match tomorrow night. It is rumoured to be designed to counter the effects of the notorious 'RP machine' held by the country.

KPFA officials denied the existence of the shipment and said it was 'probably just an ordinary export'. Trade Progressa officials were unavailable for comment. The trade row has fired up players and fans alike for the sold-out encounter that could determine the group.

The match takes on added significance after Kaze Progressa could only draw 2-2 with Snub Nose 38. Sani Luvo opened the scoring on five minutes with a free kick, then suddenly came two goals in the 38th minute from Speedy Gonzales. Luvo saved the Progressans with a 74th-minute equaliser, while both Luvo and Gonzales were the thickness of the post away from completing their hat-tricks in the last five minutes.

'This was one hell of a scary match, but we didn't lose it, and we've got one of our bad games out of the way,' said Luvo after the match. 'It was good that I got a couple again - hopefully we can tighten up a bit at the back, that'll take the pressure off myself and the other attackers.'

Collapse
Pimentos concede six unanswered; get smacked around in process

For the first time in history, a Pimento side was booed off the pitch by their home crowd. Though they were playing tough opposition and had parts of the game where they looked brilliant, they probably deserved it too. The part where they looked brilliant was at the start of the match, where Bong Jong-Il extended his goal scoring streak to three matches and Boris Valentine also found the back of the net within the first 15 minutes. They'd caught the mighty Dance2Revolutionaires napping and had gotten an early two-goal lead.

Traditionally, when this team gets such a flurry of offense (and yes, two goals is a flurry in the land of the Pimentos), good things tend to happen. They've never lost when scoring two goals or more, with the only thing even close to a blemish being a 3-3 draw against a heavily favored Audioslavian side. The Pimento's defense has always been good, but with a two-goal lead they should be lights out. But unfortunately for them, they couldn't even hold on to a draw as we bore witness to one of the most cataclysmic collapses in football history.

Before the end of the half, Dance2Revolution pulls one back with a goal from Maeda. We're still up one - that's not bad.

At the start of the next half, Uber scores a goal. The game's just tied - still not bad.

Then Maeda scores again. We're just down one, that' a manageable comeback, plenty of time on the clock - still not that bad.

Maeda completes his hat trick. Now we're down two - things are starting to look bad.

Madhavapeddi clears a brutal ball. Uber scores. We're down three with just under 20 minutes to go - it's starting to get ugly.

Uber scores on a free kick. Now we're being smoked by four. Things are god-frickin'-awful.

The Uber free kick was the final nail in the coffin, as the crowd which were getting restless before that turned a slight uprising into a full-blown revolt. Chants of "You suck Madhavapeddi!", "You're too old, Kallio!" and "Go back to Eauz, Poivron!" could begun to be heard amidst the crowd among either. A fierce boo-fest ensued and some fans began throwing empty bottles on the pitch at the conclusion of the match. The head official decided to cut out injury time completely for the safety of all on the pitch, as the scene had completely degenerated. The Pimento players were emotional at the endgame press conference.

"We let down the fans tonight," said captain Jalapeno Lewis, "But it's still hard to hear the boos in your own building. Every guy on this team played his ass off, and we start to question our commitment when the fans turn on us and start heckling and shouting inappropriate racial slurs. We didn't play our best game, but we did try hard. We'll have to come back next time with a better gameplan and hopefully, a better result."

"The battle cry was heard tonight," opened Wally Wonkstein at the press conference. "It's not in our nature to play soft defence or take our foot off the gas like that. No disrespect to the Dance2Revolution team, they stuck it out after going down early and played a fantastic game, but we need to do better. This is the first meltdown like this I've seen from the team and I damn well hope it's the last. We need to get back to basics on defense and play the tough style which brought us to where we are today. We'll have to be much, much better if we hope to contend for a birth in the World Cup."

In the wake of the Dance2Revolution hangover, the Pimentos may just find the pick-me-up they need as they travel to The Weegies. These two sides are very familiar with each other, with the two sides clashing three times in competitive matches, splitting a 1-1-1 record between the three games. Furthermore, Big Pimento won the last match, toppling The Weegies 1-0 to take third place in the tournament. Last time Big Pimento got smoked, they showed character by bouncing back with a strong CoH performance; we’ll see how they bounce back from this bitchslapping.

Unnamed helper: "Sir, a word, please."

President Smith: "Pomegranite."

Unnamed helper: "Sorry, sir?"

President Smith: "Pomegranite. It's a word, some kind of little orange fruity type thing, apparently."

Unnamed helper: "No, sir, I mean can I talk with you for a couple of minutes?"

Presidnet Smith: "Well why didn't you say. Is it important?"

Unnamed helper: "Well, actually... yes, it is rather important."

President Smith: "Go on then."

Unnamed Helper: "We've got some mail from the Ministry of Justice and Real Estate in Snub Nose 38."

President Smith: "Oooh, real estate! Go on, tell us some more."

Unnamed helper: "Actually, it's more about the justice part."

President Smith: "Hm."

Unnamed helper: "It's about all the Margaretisation you've been doing. It says that "Margaret... wants to sue the pants off us.""

President Smith: "She wants to sue us for our pants? But they only cost a few Cwuls. She could take us for more than that."

Unnamed helper: "I think what the ministry mean, sir, is that they'll sue us for everything we've got."

President Smith: "But... why?"

Unnamed helper: "Loss of earnings. Your so-called "Margaret" merchandise is eating into the real Margaret's merchandise."

Presidnet Smith: "But... she can't do that."

Unnamed helper: "I'm afraid she can."

President Smith: "But... the disclaimer?"

Unnamed helper: "Have you ever read the disclaimer, sir?"

President Smith: "Well, of course not... but... surely..."

Unnamed helper: "Look. This is a special magnified version, just for you sir."

DISCLAIMER: These products are not endorsed by "Margaret" in any way shape or form, only by the various Margarets in the Druidan government. Any resembelence to any characters, real or fictional, is purely deliberate.

President Smith (reading): "I don't see anything wrong with that."

Unnamed helper: "Read that last sentence again."

Presidnt Smith: " 'Any resembelence to any characters, real or fictional, is purely deliberate.' "

Unnamed helper: "Not good, eh?"

President Smith: "Well, why not?"

Unnamed helper: "Do you actually know what 'deliberate' means"?

President Smith: "Well, no... but I'm sure it's to do with it being a coincidence, isn't it?"

Unnamed helper: "No sir, it means that you meant to copy of Margaret."

President Smith: "Uh."

Unnamed helper: "Which means that she can sue you for every last penny you've made on your dodgy merchandise, plus a bit extra for using the name without permission."

President Smith: "A bit extra?"

Unnamed helper: "Well, considering the poor quality of your goods, actually, a lot extra."

President Smith: "Ah."

Unnamed helper: "Sir... there is one slight problem with this plan."

President Smith: "There is?"

Unnamed helper: "Well, yes. You know we've been paying people to become Margarets?"

President Smith: "Yes."

Unnamed helper: "And then we've been giving then all chickens for free."

President Smith: "That's the plan, then they all go out and buy our stuff."

Unnamed helper: "Well, er, I hate to say I told you what would happen, but I did."

President Smith: What happened?"

Unnamed helper: "Well, all the poor people have been changing their names and taking our chickens, but then taking the money and changing their names back."

President Smith: "But... why would they do that?"

Unnamed helper: "For the money, sir."

President Smith: "But... how?"

Unnamed helper: "Well, when someone becomes a Margaret, we pay them 10,000 cwuls, yes?"

President Smith: "U-huh."

Unnamed helper: "And, just to get people to do it, we provide the service for free."

President Smith: "Yeah, that's why we're making so many new Margarets."

Unnamed helper: "Sir... we aren't making very many new Margarets at all."

President Smith: "Of course we are! We've changed over three million names to Margaret since the programme began!"

Unnamed helper: "Sir, I don't know if you're aware, but it only costs 7,000 cwuls to change your name to anything you want to."

President Smith: "Well, your point is?"

Unnamed helper: "Can't you see what people are doing? People are changing their name to Margaret one day, changing it back the next, and repeating the process until they become filthy rich."

President Smith: "But what of the chickens?"

Unnamed helper: "The industry has gone through the floor. We've got a chicken surplus that could feed... well, anywhere that needs a hell of a lot of chickens."

President Smith: "Hmmm. So how many new margarets are there in Druida then?"

Unnamed helper: "Is that including or excluding you?"

President Smith: "Excluding. I don't count because I don't buy the gear."

Unnamed helper: "Excluding you, there are... um, 41 new Margarets."

Presdient Smith: "Well, 41 isn't too bad, I suppose."

Unnamed helper: It means that you've sold a grand total of 70,000 cwuls worth of your dodgy tat."

President Smith: "So Margaret wants that money?"

Unnamed helper: "Yup."

President Smith: "So how much have we actually gained from this whole programme?"

Unnamed helper: "Well ,when you take into consideration the costs of the name changes, the chicken breeding and the making of all the unsold merchandise we have... we've made an overall loss of..." *presses button on pretend calculator* "...um, five billion cwuls, sir."

President Smith: "So paying of Margaret for an extortionate amount won't make too much difference then?"

Unnamed helper: "Sir, I think you're missing the point I'm trying to make here."

President Smith: "What, you mean that we shouldn't pay Margaret?"

Unnamed helper: "No, you nitwit! That we should stop the programme immediately."

President Smith: "But... but we beat Audioslavia. It actually works!"

Unnamed helper: "No sir, it was our team's defence that won us that match. Not the Margaret Army that we don't have."

President Smith: "It was?" *Unnamed helper nods* "Well, uh, I guess we'll have to stop it all then. Um... could you just do me a favour as you go?"

Unnamed helper: "Yes sir?"

President Smith: "Get back to the Ministry of Justice and Real Estate and settle this with them. Give them whatever they want, just make sure they don't write back."

Unnamed helper: "Yes sir. Oh, and sir... what should we do about these other 41 Margarets you've helped create? Shouldn't we tell them something?"

President Smith: "Tell them, 'President Smith says you must be mad to take us up on the offer in the first place.' They must be mad."

'Slavia Druidagain
Druida Shock 'Slaves -----------------------------------------
| 23 |
| Edwards |
| |
| 5 6 |
| 2 Rhys Myffanwy 3 |
| Thunk Richards |
| |
| |
| 4 8 |
| 7 Cymru Daffydd 11 |
| James Merthyr |
| |
| |
| 22 9 |
| Urk Andrews |
| |
-----------------------------------------
| |
| 10 9 |
| Bracken McLLroy |
| |
| 8 |
| Tanner |
| 21 20 |
| Jaynes 4 Johansen |
| Tessem |
| |
| 6 2 |
| O`Rourke 5 23 McFarland |
| Johnstone Artaxiad |
| |
| 12 |
| Redbank |
-----------------------------------------

On paper, losing to the team in second place is nothing to feel to disheartened about. This just goes to show that paper means fuck all when it comes to football.

The two sides, Audioslavia in their claret and green, Druida in their.... in their.... is 'monstrocity' a colour? Anyway, The Druida rainbows in thier choice of kit, took the field in Druida as the top two teams in group three. Both undefeated, both looking very good. Audioslavia had scored nine goals in three games, conceding just one, whilst Druida had taken two straight wins against sides higher than them in the rankings, only dropping points with a 2-2 draw with Cockbill Street.

Buoyed on by the home crowd, Druida took control early in the game and, to the delight of the druids, scored a cracking early goal as Urk - yes that one - pounced on an Andrews through ball, steadied himself and ripped a low shot past Fenwick. As the Rainbow team wheeled away to celebrate in front of their fans, Fenwick sat there on the ground looking disgusted with himself. He had plenty of time to feel disgusted, he wouldn't have much to do for a long time.

Audioslavia's fight-back was quick and harsh. Bracken had the best chance of the half with a volley from close range which was parried over the bar by a stretching Trefor. Jaynes had a similar shot beaten away by the goalkeeper, whilst Jackie McLlroy had a shot on forty minutes that for all the world looked like it was going in before stretchy eddie pulled off one of the best saves seen in an Audioslavian game. McLlroy's shot headed for the top corner at a horrific pace and as it went to cross the line Edwards was still in a standing position, until with a gargantuan leap the 'keeper jumped and twisted round to beat the ball over the bar with his outstretched fingers.

Half-time came and went with little let-up in the pressure. Tanner had a header well smothered by Edwards before a brilliant Tessem through-ball saw Bracken through on the goalkeeper with the Druida defence nowhere to be seen. Bracken slowed down as Edwards charged out, picked his spot, and blasted the ball hard as he could towards the top-left hand corner. It looked like the equaliser had finally came, but Edwards again stretched his stretchy eddie magic. With the ball going past him to his left, the goalkeeper dived backwards and flailed a hand at the ball, smacking it over the bar with his wrist. With the Druida players congratulating their goalkeeper, Bracken shouted some naughty words and, in a moment of fury, skipped over to Karl Tanner and booted him in the leg out of frustration. Tanner went to ground and Bracken recieved some deathly looks from some of the Audioslavian players, not least Tanner's Raiden F.C. team-mate Zareh Artaxiad who sprinted up to Bracken and shoved him on the floor before being held back by captain Didi Romanov.

'Slavian manager Paul Ward reacted immediately, pulling off Bracken and replacing him with Oliver Dannes. Tanner however, had suffered after the blow and was substituted with him, being replaced by Alexander Marriot. Ward followed the two down the tunnell and assistant manager Dave Mill was left to give orders from the bench. The Tanner/Bracken situation is not yet known, although it looks like rumours of a club bust-up between the two whilst in Tadjikistan may have been true after all.

Back in the match, Audioslavia were still maintaining possession but the Druida defence were still managing to keep them out. It was only when Mill replaced a tiring Aidey Jaynes with Arie Jansen that the 'slaves found some luck.

Jansen had the pace to get past Thunk on the left and started delivering some killer crosses. Bracken got on the end of two and headed them both wide, before substitute Oliver Dannes finally got Audioslavia on the scoresheet with a screaming volley which left Edwards flat-footed.

The turning point of the game? The Rainbows had other ideas. Audioslavia kept attacking alright, but when Bracken lost possession on the edge of the area the Druids allowed themselves their first real attack of that half.

Rhys disposessed the striker and beat the ball upfield. Johnstone beat Urk to the ball and headed it backwards to Romanov, but as Romanov went to pass the bouncing ball back to the keeper it hit his shin and went out for a corner. Druida brought up a few of the bigger players for the corner but left many back to neutralise any Audioslavian counter-attack. The corner was dealt with by O`Rourke as he headed the ball down to Johnstone, but the big centre-half's clearance ricocheted off of the knee of sub Garth Vincent who was lunging for the ball trying to keep it in the 'slavian half. The ball came off the Druid at a frightening pace, bounced on the ground and looped over Redbank. Redbank back-pedalled, stumbled, and watched helplessly as the ball bounced just beyond his reach on the goal-line and back up into the roof of the net. The noise from the crowd was unbelievable, and Audioslavia had it all to do again.

With six minutes left, plus six minutes of injury time thanks to the Bracken/Tanner bust-up, the 'slaves threw everything at the Druida team. The side forced seventeen corners in all with Neil Redbank coming up for the last ten or so, never really going back as far as the half-way line for the final few minutes.

Nevertheless the Druida defence, strengthened by two defensive substitutions by the Druida manager, held firm and the final whilstle finally went on the 98th minute to the delight of the Druida faithful.

FINAL SCORE
Druida 2 (Urk 7, Vincent 85)
Audioslavia 1 (Dannes 80)

Pos Team P W D L GF GA GD Pts
1 Druida 4 3 1 0 8 5 3 10
2 Audioslavia 4 3 0 1 10 3 7 9
3 Oaker 4 2 1 1 5 3 2 7
4 Tadjikistan 4 2 0 2 9 5 4 6
5 Cockbill Street 4 1 3 0 6 2 4 6
6 Kipto-Mare 4 1 0 3 5 10 -5 3
7 Avenging Altos 4 1 0 3 3 8 -5 3
8 Vollmeria 4 0 1 3 1 11 -10 1

Matchday four brought a wealth of turnover results to group three. First came quite emphatically breaking their three-game winless streak (and two-game goalless streak) with a four-nil drubbing of Kipto Mare away from home. Avenging Altos finally got to sing after they got a brilliant result against a Tadjikistan team playing their first away match of the season. In the other game, Vollmeria were turned over 1-0 in an uninspiring game against Oaker.

So the tables after matchday four see Druida amazingly on top of the group. They sit a point ahead of the 'slaves who have a two-point cushion over Oaker. Tadjikistan's disappointing loss puts them down in fourth place whilst Cockbill Street's first win of the season at least keeps them in touch with the leaders, tying with the Tigers on six points. Its 'as you were' for Kipto Mare, but at the bottom, Avenging Altos leapfrog Vollmeria to get themselves off of the bottom spot with their first points.

I've been Jeremy Jaffacake, g'nite bitches

First outmatch ends in loss with smallest possible difference

Dushanbe - The Tigers arrived in Avenging Altos to beat the home team and take the three points, but it did not go as planned.
Zhukov put most of the veterans on the field and expected fireworks from them, Yudenich played his second match, making good moves, breaking through the opponents defense but the attackers failed to finish it off. Kirponos came close to scoring in the 42th minute but his shot went over.
Avenging Altos' play improved during the second half, and put pressure on the Tigers. The Tadjik defense was kept standing through the work of Yashin and Gromov, the two oldest players on the team.
Zhukov saw his team couldnt score and sent Surdeyev in for Shvydkoi, in an attempt to take the lead. But Surdeyev lacks experience at this level and slowly he fell back in the shadow of Timoshenko and Yudenich.
Avenging Altos made the only goal of the match through a penalty. Egorov tackled a striker from behind and got away with only a yellow card, ref Fiche appearantly has different ideas on red cards and tackles. But the damage was done, Avenging Altos was leading and Tadjikistan had no more time to get even.

The second loss in four matches means the Tigers must win in Druida, who are leading group 3 after a 2-1 victory over Audioslavia. Druida, 109 on the ranking list should not prove a problem for the Tigers at home, but Triandafillov already warned Zhukov to watch out. Zhukovs assistant and former international Cherniakhovskij replied that theyd do what all good Tadjik coaches do when things arent going well: Experiment, who knows, maybe we'll see Cherniakhovskij himself back on the team.
And if we dont win, we'll date Margaret and eat chicken for diner.


Pos Team P W D L GF GA GD Pts
1 Druida 4 3 1 0 8 5 3 10
2 Audioslavia 4 3 0 1 10 3 7 9
3 Oaker 4 2 1 1 5 3 2 7
4 Tadjikistan 4 2 0 2 9 5 4 6
5 Cockbill Street 4 1 3 0 6 2 4 6
6 Kipto-Mare 4 1 0 3 5 10 -5 3
7 Avenging Altos 4 1 0 3 3 8 -5 3
8 Vollmeria 4 0 1 3 1 11 -10 1


MD1 :Tadjikistan - Kipto-Mare W 3-2
MD2 :Tadjikistan - Audioslavia L 0-2
MD3 :Tadjikistan - Vollmeria W 6-0
MD4 :Avenging Altos - Tadjikistan L 1-0
MD5 :Tadjikistan - Druida
MD6 :Tadjikistan - Cockbill street
MD7 :Tadjikistan - Oaker
MD8 :Kipto-Mare - Tadjikistan
MD9 :Audioslavia - Tadjikistan
MD10: Vollmeria - Tadjikistan
MD11: Tadjikistan - Avenging Altos
MD12: Druida - Tadjikistan
MD13: Cockbill Street - Tadjikistan
MD14: Oaker - Tadjikistan

FS: Is my tie straight, Bill?

Bill: You're not wearing a tie!

FS: Shut up, Bill, we're on the air...ahem...we're here live in Lykaia, where the Maserrat Dynamos face...well...Lykaia...in the World Cup Qualifiers. I'm Frejdriych Schmitt, and I'll be your host for tonight's crucial match. My special guest here in the studio is Maserrat and European Nationalist Party leader, and coach of the Maserrat U21 team, Slobodan Gresko. Now, Mr Gresko, it's pretty clear that things haven't been going as well as expected so far for the team.

SG: What!?!

FS: I said things haven't been going as well as expected for the team.

SG: Do I fancy a steam!?! What the hell's a steam!?!

FS: Bill, what's he talking about?

Bill: Apparently he went a little bit deaf after today's massive election speech in the European Coalition.

FS: Oh great, just what I need...Mr Gresko, what do you expect will happen to Poskit Karpova?

SG: Dover!?! Why would I want to go there!?! It's cold and rainy, and it smells funny too!

FS: That'll be the chalk cliffs then.

SG: What!?!

FS: Never mind. Bill, can we do anything about this?

Bill: We were told to keep this as low-budget as possible. They didn't give us any microphones.

FS: Low-budget, eh? I wondered why the studio looked more like a cardboard box...

SG: Samantha Fox!?! She's here, is she!?! Where!?!

Bill: I prefer Angelina Jolie myself...

FS: Can we please get back to the football? Now, Mr Gresko, your domestic team Greskos Cademicos are causing quite a stir back home -

SG: I need to use a comb!?! Why, is my hair not straight!?!

FS: You don't need a comb, for Christ's sake - your bald!

SG: What's my cat called!?! I don't have a cat - I'm a dog man myself.

Bill: Nah, cats are so much better as pets. They're easier to look after, and they're clean too.

FS: Are we actually going to talk about the game tonight?

SG: Have I got pneumonoultramicroscopicsilicovolconiosis!?! Not the last time I looked.

FS: Where did that come from? This is madness! Let's just do the predictions and get out of here. I think it'll be a 2-2 draw. Bill?

Bill: Maserrat to win 2-1.

FS: Dare I ask...Mr Gresko?

SG: French toast, please!

FS: Why did I even bother...

Ians Win Again
Curse appears to have lifted

WAPAHKONETA -- Despite being down their star forward, the Ians proved that they can still flex some offensive muscle. Tom Ravenhill scored a pair of goals and Geoffery Fletcher added another as the Ians rolled over Wapahkoneta 5-1.

The game was more or less over after thirty minutes after Iansisle jumped out to an early three goal lead. Wapahkoneta struck back just before the half, but that victory would prove to be temporary. Oswalt Peterson and Henry Cotton added late insurance goals as the Ians cruised to victory.

Young James Goodman proved a worthy temporary replacement for Tom Nielsen, who was forced to miss two games with a broken nose and strained nerves. Sources indicate that Goodman may also have to start the next game at home against Spaam. Coach Westmore refused to confirm or deny these rumors.

7 is a lucky number

The Orange-Blues played their second home match in this qualifiers against the Northbank 'Invincibles'. There are two translations of 'invincible' into rejistanian and the Invincibles played in a way, which made one translation actually be accurate: "ma'ta viki'ja" (not possible to win against). Northbank was not defeated but trashed.

The Hetkali Hetaki stadium was completely sold out and most of the fans were rejistanians. A few fans from northbank found the way into the stadium, but most left after the first half due to desperation.

The Orange-blue team consisted of many substitutes, however some top players were among the starters: Tuade Lue, Syly Kansu, SyMji and Ji Y. Midfielder Kvansa Laijiyiaya was substituted in in the second half. The match started a bit slowly, neither the Orange-Blues nor the invincibles found their rythm. But after a few minutes, the Orange-Blues gained dominance and kept it during the entire game. The Invincibles played a System Jesejil (4-5-1) while the Orange-Blues preferred their standard System Imdila (4-4-2). In the 9th minute, SyMji archieved the 1:0 after horrible mis-passing in the northbank defense. The Invincibles tried to equalize but all of their few chances ended in the Orange-Blue defense or even in the midfield. This phase of the match saw the best northbank play, but after SyMji archieved the 2:0 after a corner shot by Duli~n Naneji and only three minutes later, Ji Y increased the score even more, the Invicibles faltered and put most effort on defending. The invincibles lacked experience with an all out defense (maybe they should have arrived a week earlier to watch Karela Lines play) and so both Viji Ahi~n and Duli~n Naneji managed to put one past the northbank's goalkeeper in that half.

In the second half, the Orange-Blues played a very defensive System Jesejil (Kvansa Laijiyiaya replaced SyMji) to avoid another disgrace like against Ravea, when the one conceded goal was seen as a horrible faux-pas, as an unexcusable mistake. In the 79th minute, Jenji Y was substituted in for Ji Y. Even the stadium speaker found that confusing and messed up the names. Jenji Y again justified his reputation as joker or even 'godmode': in the 80th minute, he outsmarted three northbank defenders and the goalie to archieve the 6:0. The final disgrace for the invincibles was the fact that they conceded the 7:0 in the last minute of injury time. Again it was Jenji Y who scored, this time with a long-distance shot and some luck.

The result:
Rejistania 7 (Lyku 9th 17th, Ji Y 20th, Ahi~n 36th, Naneji 43rd, Jenji Y 80th 90+2th)
Northbank 0

Matchday 5 scores have been posted. (http://forums2.jolt.co.uk/showthread.php?p=7342560&posted=1#post7342560)

Shadowry Figure: What was sent from KP to the Nest?

Lackey: we're looking into it.

SF: It must NOT be let into the country.

Lackey: But sir, it's already landed and going through customs now. we can't bar it.

SF: THEN DELAY IT. HURRY!

Lackey runs off.

SF: Oh hell. Does the KPFA not realize there are more inmortnat things I have planned besides winning a soccer match, just winning allows me to work easier..... *sigh*

*He looked out the window as a large crowd of rowdy TEN fans started across the street towards Silver Flame Arena.*

We've got to win.

TEN Falls to KP 2-1

Ill Winds Affect Game

The Nest was up 1-0 with 30 minutes to go. And then the wind stopped. A 50 mile an hour wind had been blowing steadyily behind the Nest all game, but then the wind stopped. The Birds realized it and knew that their defense was about to be tested as the Progressan midfield booted the ball deep into the box on their first try. 15 minutes later, the game was tied on a mishandled rebound by the Nest defense. 3 on 1's tend to allow goals.

((Beneath the stadium))

The RP machine still hummed, but the glow was evidently being stopped not 3 feet from the machine. The KP anti-RP machine was in the stadium....and working.

*Shadowry Figure* FIND THAT BOX! FIND IT NOW!

Lackey: But sir, the box we were told is as big as a briefcase. What is it? It could be anywhere.

SF: You you...and you...go and ask the freight guys if something was let in. You three go check the gates. See if anyone got a box in here.

*Much scurrying*

SF: DAMN IT. Come on guys, hold the tie.


With only 15 minutes left, the nest now tried to hold the tie, and proceeded to counter attack, but as Secour tried to take a shot, the winds came back
and the shot went long. And with the winds however, it looked like the tie may stay as any balled that was kicked more than 3 feet in the air actually went backwards towards the KP net.

**A struggle ensures between three Lackey's and 3 men in suits from KP in a empty storeroom. The briefcase sized machine is knocked on its side and the hum stops.**


The game continued on but as KP tried one last counter attack to win, the winds stopped. The ball went over the pulled up Strike Bird defense and two Progressians had a free shot at the net and Boyd..... and well....scored.

The wnds never came back.

**The Three KP men stand around three unconscious Lackeys and a humming machine. As the final whistle sounds, they turn off the machine, and quickly leave the arena. Not two minutes later, a shadowry figure and about 5 others open the door and see the carnage and the unconscious men.**

SF: *choice things better not typed in public* Find that machine and destroy it. better yet. find some way to make sure nothing else like that gets in here again.

With the loss, the Nest now find themselves in a 4 horse race for three spots. The Nest now goes to Snub Nose 38 for what now appears to be a much more critical match than it was before.


Pos Team P W D L F A GD Pts PP
1 Kaze Progressa 5 4 1 0 14 5 9 13 40
2 The Eagles Nest 5 4 0 1 12 5 7 12 39
3 Snub Nose 38 5 3 2 0 9 4 5 11 38
4 Krytenia 5 3 1 1 11 7 4 10 37
5 Spurland 5 1 2 2 6 8 -2 5 32
6 Fmjphoenix 5 0 2 3 6 13 -7 2 29
7 Qia 5 0 1 4 6 11 -5 1 28
8 Ashibot 5 0 1 4 1 12 -11 1 28



The Eagle's Nest Strike Bird Qualification Run
Matchday 1: The Eagle's Nest vs. Ashibot Win 3-0
Matchday 2: The Eagle's Nest @ Krytenia Win 3-1
Matchday 3: The Eagle's Nest vs. Spurland Win 3-1
Matchday 4: The Eagle's Nest @ Fmjphoenix Win 2-1
Matchday 5: The Eagle's Nest vs. Kaze Progressa Loss 1-2
Matchday 6: The Eagle's Nest @ Snub Nose 38
Matchday 7: The Eagle's Nest vs. Qia
-----------------------------------------------------
Matchday 8: The Eagle's Nest @ Ashibot
Matchday 9: The Eagle's Nest vs. Krytenia
Matchday 10: The Eagle's Nest @ Spurland
Matchday 11: The Eagle's Nest vs. Fmjphoenix
Matchday 12: The Eagle's Nest @ Kaze Progressa
Matchday 13: The Eagle's Nest vs. Snub Nose 38
Matchday 14: The Eagle's Nest @ Qia

EL CID NEWS.
NEWS YOU CAN USE.

sports news

UNRANKED IN FAILURE

EL CID THE HERO 2 (TROTTER 28 Brown 47)
Oceaice 3 (? 36,91,93)

It takes a large amout of skill to win a match againts a team that got 3rd place in the last world cup and then lose a match with a team that never played in a world cup before, but El Cid did just that

"we just fell apart at the last few mins of the game and just failed to deliver" said Chris Skinner after the match. "you just don't think you will enter exter time in the lead and end up losing the match"

The match started so well with el cid going up in the 28 min when Barry Trotter was on the reciving end of a Dent cross and used his head to pass the keeper.

"i was in frunt of goal and i was just able to redirect the ball into the net" said Trotter "i couldn't have missed"

However in the 36 min the El Cid defence fell apart and an Oceaice striker got in the box and David Niemi just couldn't stop the ball.

El Cid however got back into the lead in the first 2 mins in the 2nd half when Brown got a free kick at the edge of the box and catapulted it into the top corner.

the rest of the match was uneventfull with only a few shots on target by both sides a mid-field battle seemed like a likely outcome.

but in the 91 min Desaillty got a foul on an Oceaice player near the box and when Niemi slipped it could only go in.

the desperation of the El Cid team was firmly established when Roy Hunter tackled an Oceaice player in the box and Niemi still recovering from his earlier slip-up was unable to stop the ball.

"A wet bit of grass caused me to fall over originally" said Neimi "and this seems to have injured my leg only minor but enough to make my diving insufficeint"


The El Cid crowd seemed like they were prepared to lynch the team as they entered injury 2-1 up being defeated to a side which is ranked 200th in the world

occ sorry for not replying earlier computer had problems

Fmjphoenix loses again, gets booed at home, team looks frustrated
By Allen Newhouse

Vanguard, Fmjphoenix: Boos could be heard from all areas of Viking Arena today as Fmjphoenix lost its third match 2-0 against Krytenia, the second straight loss. The Vikings looked in disarray all match long and did not even manage a shot in the entire fiirst half. This team is looking nothing like the team that went 3-0 in qualifying for the Baptism of Fire. Stars Jorge Mendel and Mike Nolan managed 3 shots total which was all of the shots took by the Vikings.

"I don't think we could even buy a win. We are not playing good at all anymore and we look like shit. How the hell are we supposed to live up to expectations when we don't play together." A frustrated James Wash told reporters as he was heading back to the locker room after the game.

Krytenia was in total control the whole game, not allowing a single shot by any Fmjphoenix Viking until Mike Nolan took an akward shot at the sixty-second minute. Around 75 minutes of the match was played on the Vikings half of the field. Powell Lamar, making his second straight start, did the best he could, defending against a total of twenty-three shots, the fact that only two shots got past him is saving grace. It seemed like Fmjphoenix's defense decided to stay in the locker room because they could not stop the onslaught of Krytenia.

But do not expect Fmjphoenix to just drop out of sight. Shouts heard from the locker room told reporters that Coach Wash does not expect his team to quit out and just say f*** it. He is demanding more complete games from the players, on both sides of the ball. It sounded like the team was getting back a little motivation after the match, but they need to gain a win in order to get some real confidence.

Goals:
Colin ULVÆUS - 14'30
Acienko RIMMER - 30'

Final Score:
Krytenia [2] - Fmjphoenix [0]

Referees:
Richard Griffen
Mark Grant

Group Four Standings

Pos Team P W D L GF GA GD Pts
1 Kaze Progressa 5 4 1 0 14 5 9 13
2 The Eagles Nest 5 4 0 1 12 5 7 12
3 Snub Nose 38 5 3 2 0 9 4 5 11
4 Krytenia 5 3 1 1 11 7 4 10
5 Spurland 5 1 2 2 6 8 -2 5
6 Fmjphoenix 5 0 2 3 6 13 -7 2
7 Qia 5 0 1 4 6 11 -5 1
8 Ashibot 5 0 1 4 1 12 -11 1

'Bill Street Blues
Convincing Win Puts 'Slaves Back On Top, Keeps Street Back In Flop
-----------------------------------------
| 13 |
| Havell |
| |
| 4 |
| 2 Dwarfclobberer 5 |
|Stronginthearm Gunter |
| 3 |
| Fearinciter |
| |
| 6 |
| 8 7 Underwood 11 |
| Keegan Axewielder Nickel-Carbide |
| |
| |
| 9 17 |
| Olafsson Stubbings |
| |
-----------------------------------------
| |
| 17 9 |
| Dannes McLLroy |
| |
| 11 |
| Marriot |
| 14 20 |
| Jansen 19 Fox |
| Cailan |
| |
| 16 13 |
| Crevan 5 3 Rijsbergen |
| Johnstone Romanov |
| |
| 1 |
| Andersson |
-----------------------------------------

Audioslavia made up for their bizzare defeat by Druida last week by administering a right royal thrashing to Cockbill Street; something that is becoming something of a tradition in world cup qualifying....

When the 'slaves lined up with the same formation and the same starting eleven as the thrashees of the Stupidhead game, the fans feared the worse. Ward's head was demanded on a plate from the second the team sheet was anounced, but the manager calmly watched his side take to the field. Maybe he knew something we didnt?

It was apparent five minutes into the game as Audioslavia stormed into a surprise two goal lead. Both goals came from crosses after the wing-backs and the side-midfielders started playing off each other on either wing in a display of beautiful attacking play. Johansen made the first after whipping a ball onto Bracken's head after two minutes, and Bracken again scored on five minutes as he dived onto a Marriot cross to nod the ball past Havell.

Cockbill Street goalkeeper Johnathon Havell looked like his nerves had been shot to pieces throughout most of the first half as time and time again Audioslavia broke through down the wing and put crosses over that he seemed ill-equipt to deal with. On seventeen minutes he again found himself picking the ball out of the back of the net as Alexander Marriot finished off a Jaynes cross with a powerful header into the corner.

Despite going three goals down, the largely Streetian crowd in the Vimesbairn Stadium remained vocal, if a little more angry. The Street were jolted into waking up and almost grabbed a goal back on the half-hour as Axewielder curled a lovely shot round Fenwick only to see his effort go round the post.

Things were looking up for Cockbill Street, but from the counter-attack their appalling cover down the flanks let in Khully Tanner on the left hand side. He pulled the ball back to Bracken who took the ball on the volley from seven yards out and blasted the ball hard, the ball heading to the corner. The street fans' heads dropped again, but out of nowhere, Johnny Havell dived halfway accross his goal and tipped the ball over the bar with an amazing save, getting a standing ovation from many of the fans, including an awe-struck Danny Bracken.

Havell celebrated his new-found confidence by coming out for the corner, missing it, and watching Ally Marriot nod the ball into the empty net for nil-four.

Half-time came and went with little for the Streetians to cheer about, but to their credit the side didnt give up during the second half. Stone caused Rep and Romanov all sorts of trouble as his power and pace often left them needing midfield back-up to protect Audioslavia's slender four-goal lead.

Cockbill Street's breakthrough came on fifty-five minutes with Rikki Stone netting a deserved goal after Stubbings layed off a perfect ball for him to strike home.

The Street carried on chipping away at the 'slaves defence before the lead was finally halved on eighty minutes, Stone and Stubbings again working well before Axewielder finished from six yards, beating Romanov to a loose Stubbings pass and flicking the ball past Fenwick.

2-4 the match stayed until three minutes into injury time where Cockbill Street again suffered from their cluelessness down the flanks. Substitute David Maiden whipped a ball onto the head of Khully Tanner who headed Audioslavia's fifth past a now-really-quite-pissed-off Johnathon Havell.

FINAL SCORE
COCKBILL STREET 2-5 AUDIOSLAVIA
Stone 54 Bracken 2, 5
Axewielder 80 Marriot 17, 37
Tanner 90+3


Yes, thats the same Johnathan Havell that represented the 'Street in goals and yes, thats the same Marriot who represented Audioslavia in midfield.

And yes, the 'street got trounced again

Yes, because of the wingers and the nervous goalie.

It seemed inevitable that the match would go the same way as the one which happened almost four years ago to this day, all the more when Marriot beat a sluggish Stronginthearm down the wing in the fourth minute and whipped over a cross for Jackie McLlroy to head home for 1-0.

Cockbill Street weren't to be out-done however, and fought back courageously getting most of the posession in the first half and coming close to scoring twice, with both chances being missed by an unfortunate Olafsson. With the exception of the Kipto Mare match it seems that Cockbill Street's firepower has deserted them since the legendary Rikki Stone bade the international scene a fond farewell, having not scored against Vollmeria or Oaker, Cockbill Street went on to not score here too, not for lack of trying of course.

The hammer blow came on the stroke of half-time as a Cockbill Street attack deteriorated, Marriot and Jansen countered down the left, Jansen played the ball square for Oliver Dannes who finished with aplomb to the cheers of the Audioslavian faithful.

Cockbill Street came out at half-time with wingers Gunter and Stronginthearm playing wider and Nickel-Carbide and Keegan dropping back to give them support. Alas, it was to no avail as Jansen turned Keegan down the left and flicked the ball into the box for McLlroy to grab his second on the sixtieth minute, capping off a good performance from Audioslavia. Like the 5-2 victory though, the win is mostly down to Cockbill Street's awful defence down the wings. This time however, the Street's performance comes off the back of one of the most disappointing runs in the club's recent history. Wheras four years ago a street side would have (and did in the 5-2 win by scoring two goals in a row after the 'slaves scored four in the first half) made some sort of fight-back, this years team just looked despairingly out of ideas and never looked like pegging Audioslavia's lead back.

FINAL SCORE
Audioslavia 3 (McLlroy 4, 59 - Dannes 45)
Cockbill Street 0

Pos Team P W D L GF GA GD Pts
1 Audioslavia 5 4 0 1 13 3 10 12
2 Oaker 5 3 1 1 9 3 6 10
3 Druida 5 3 1 1 10 9 1 10
4 Tadjikistan 5 3 0 2 13 7 6 9
5 Cockbill Street 5 1 3 1 6 5 1 6
6 Avenging Altos 5 1 1 3 5 10 -5 4
7 Kipto-Mare 5 1 0 4 5 14 -9 3
8 Vollmeria 5 0 2 3 3 13 -10 2

Thanks to Druida falling back down to earth with a 4-2 bang against Tadjikistan, Audioslavia reclaim the top spot by two points. It was expected that the 'slaves would be there or thereabouts by match 5 (despite some questionable opening-day runs in previous qualifiers) but the next two positions being taken by Oaker and Druida couldn't have been forseen by too many people. Oaker have done well to get into second place and haven't even conceded a goal in their last three games. When you look at it, theyre doing everything right. Beating the smaller teams when it matters and nicking points off of the biggest teams. Their only shortcoming so far was their 2-1 defeat to the then in-form Druida.

Druida have been fantastic, but many were expecting them to be a dark horse thanks to the exploits of their NEWI Cefn cousins. They've done well to get into third but their wins have been too narrow to garner any evidence that the Druids will be able to maintain their form until the end of the season.

Tadjikistan are performing well despite that scrappy 1-0 away loss to Avenging Altos. The 4-2 win against Druida will help their confidence immensely after the defeat and the scrappy win against Kipto Mare on the opening day.

Cockbill Street have been awful so far although, as any Audioslavian will tell you, they aren't usually too grand at the start of a qualifying campaign but improve rapidly in the second half, as they proved by coming from 10 points behind to winning group four in the WC17 qualifiers. However, if the 3-0 loss to the 'slaves isn't enough of a wake up call to them, they may find themselves on a street which is just too long to walk.

At the bottom of the table, Vollmeria did themselves a couple of favours by getting a point away at the avenging altos who still lead the Vollmerians by two. Kipto Mare however, suffered their second 4-0 loss in as many weeks at the hands of Oaker, possibly signalling that Kipto Mare, contrary to some people's beliefs, aren't going to challenge for a place in BEauz next year

I've been Jeremy Jaffacake, g'nite bitches.

5 past Spalatium

Spalatium is not a hotbed of international soccer. The spalati national team only gained one point in the qualifying before hosting the match against the Orange-Blues. Hopes were not too high in Spalatium, but despite that the national team wanted to prove that they can play a good match against the group favorite. To tell the story quick: they did not succeed with that.

The weather was rainy and the wind was strong in the Spalati capital, surely not a good day for a match. But the match took place despite this. The Spatali won the coin toss and played in the first half with the wind. The Orange-Blue defense had much to do since the wind tended to do strange things to high balls and the Spalati tactic at some times seemed to be to move the ball into the direction of the rejistani goal and let the wind do the finishing (or they were simply inept). In the 35th minute, they nearly archieved the lead with that tactic but Ji Jen could intercept using luck for at least 3 matches and the Orange-Blues started a counter-attack. Unfortunately, Salakerijasamenatira Harakemindanutikeji's shot missed. In the 43rd minute however, the Orange-Blues were sucessfull: a hole in the spalati defense led to a chance and "Sa" capitalised it.

The second half saw much more rejistani dominance, partly because the weather improved and partly because the wind was no longer an additional player for Spalatium. Kansu Lyku increased the lead in the 46th minute after an assist of "Sa". the spalati defense could be described best with one word: nonexistant. "Sa", feared by the opponents due to his skill and his complicated name, scored in the 57th minute. the goalie could not reach the ball in mid-height. The goal of Ji Y in the 74th minute was controversal because spalati fans saw the matixi forward offside but eauzian referee Joseuf Valois did not agree with them and so the score was 4:0. TV images later showed that he decided correctly. In the 79th minute, "Sa" made it 5:0 in a free-kick.

After the match, the spalati coach did not appear for the press conference. Rumours that he committed suicide were fortunately proven wrong. Coach SyLy continued the rejistani tradition of pessimism: "It is nice to dispatch one of the bottom teams, but that says virtually nothing for the matches against the top teams." His prediction* for the next match was not "win, draw or loss, for either team" (a famous SyLy quote from the time of world cup 9, which caused nearly all reporters not ask him for predictions in his time as player). He seemed to have understand that you can not answer as laconically as coach, so his comment was: "The CapitaliZts are surely one of the better teams in this group. We must not make the mistake and be sure that we will win. Especially if the referee is from Insane Inflation or Snub Nose 38, it will become a really tough match for us."

The result:
Spalatium 0
Rejistania 5 (Harakemindanutikeji 43rd 57th 79th, K. Lyku 46th, Ji Y 74th)

*OOC: I know that scores are already posted, I also know the score, i just pretend I don't.

OOC

I´m kind of hesitant to role play now because the one time I have roleplayed a game, I ended up drawing the next match, and have won all the matches where I havent roleplayed...Of course now that is said, the voetbal gods will punish me for not writing reports. I guess the score generator isn´t a capitalist

VILÄMNA DAGENS NYHETER

SCORNED BY ALL PRESENT
Despite poor officiating, Lightning take down Sqornshelous with help from crowd

Svecia 2 Sqornshelous 1


VILÄMNA, Svecia - It was really a team effort at the Rijksstadion that brought Svecia back into the game and then preserved it at the end.

The lightning fast one-two plays from the midfield and forwards kept the Sqornshelous defence on their heels and allowed for the two Svecikan goals, and it was the deafening noise of the crowd that caused Igor Raskolnikov to miss a penalty kick late in the game.

Admittedly, it was Sqornshelous who scored the first goal in the 63rd minute. A long ball forward found defender Hans Larsson on the ground after he was pulled down by Rodolfo Puente as they both raced for the ball. The stadium erupted in whistles, but the Legalese referee Jimmy Whitmead allowed the game to continue. Puente chased down the loose ball and had no trouble chipping the ball over the advancing Piet van Meer to put Sqornshelous up with a cheap goal.

Svecia wasted no time in countering, but Hanan Belagt´s header goal in the 69th minute was called back after the linesman put up a late flag for offside, which replays showed was anything but as Belagt started his run a good two strides onside.

Hannes Ljungberg was shown a yellow card in the 71st minute as Svecia´s frustration with the referee crew and the solid Sqornshelous defense began to show.

But at last Svecia broke through with a goal in the 75th minute. Ljungberg brought the ball up and worked it around Sqornshelous midfielder Otto Friedel with the help of Kurt Köller, playing in place of Druijf de Vlieger who is still serving his suspension after recieving a red card against Oddslavo. Ljungberg then crossed the ball into the waiting feet of Mikael Solskjaer who promptly tapped the ball to a streaking Belagt who nicely touched the ball back to Solskjaer, who had followed the attacks progress. Solskjaer sidestepped around defender Travis Delmore and knocked the ball through the keepers legs into the net to equalize.

But Sqornshelous would not concede a draw. Brief but effective counterattacks came frequently in the final 15 minutes, but van Meer and the defense were able to deal with them. What they couldn´t deal with was the refereeing. Raskolnikov dribbled the ball towards the penalty area in the 83rd minute under hot pursuit by Tomas Kristiansand. Kristiansand bumped Raskonikov in the shoulder lightly in the process of playing the game of voetbal and Roskonikov, having been in the movie business in his past life, went down hard and his body crossed into the penatly area. Everyone in the stadium knew he was a faker except for the most important people, the refereeing crew. Whitmead blew his whistle for a foul and looked to his linesman who signalled that the foul was inside the area. Replays showed barely any contact between Kristiansand and Roskonikov and what little contact there was occured about a half meter outside the penalty area.

In any case, Whitmead signalled for a PK and the crowd erupted in jeers and whistles again. As Roskonikov stepped up to take his ill-won penalty, the crowd deafeningly chanted "Zakkenwasser!", a Dutch word meaning dope, or incompitent clutz. Roskonikov looked around, probably unaware of what the word meant, but aware of the angry noise around him, and as he kicked the ball, cheater´s proof prevailed. The shanked ball sailed well wide of the net.

Svecia found themselves on offence the rest of the match, and a quick play in the Sqornshelous area gave Belagt just enough room to put in the winning goal in the 88th minute to the delight of the home crowd.

The Svecikan Voetbal Bond has filed a report to the World Cup Referee Commitee asking that their matches never be reffereed by Whitmead again.

So F***ing Close!

Missed PK leaves Pschychoes in second place

Igor Raskolnikov is taking alot of heat from Squornshelan fans after Matchday 5. Despite his stellar 6 goal performance so far, he missed what should have been an easy penalty late in the game which allowed Svecia the cruicial momentum needed for the winning goal.

Game Higlights:

45th Minute:
Halftime: 0-0
Niethder teams defense has allowed much of a chance yet, aand both goalkeepers are playing well enough to scoop up what trickles through.


63rd Minute:
The Pschychoes take the lead on an excellent shot by Rodolfo Puente. Pursuing a long lob forward from Travis Delmore, Puente ran side by side with Hans Larsson. While glancing over his shoulder at the ball, Larsson tripped over a divot in the field and went down. Puente easily recieved the lob, and chipped it over the charging keeper for the goal.

69th Minute:
To the shock of the Squornshelan defense, Hanan Belagt scores an apparantly legal goal, after being, "a friggin mile offside," as Delmore put it. Thankfully, the linesman was simply slow to react and the raight call was made shortly.

71st Minute:
Hannes Ljungberg recieves a well deserved yellow card after frustration caused him to push over Earvin Jones. Despite protestation with Whitmead, the red card that Jones felt was appropriate stayed in the referee's pocket.

75th Minute:
Some precision passing by Svecia results in the tying goal. A flurry of quick 1-2's leaves the Squornshelan defense turning in circles. Even Perez is flusered enough to allow the ball to squirt between his legs for the goal. However, replays clearly showed that Solskjaer was offside by a step when he recieved the pass from Belagt. He then stepped back away from the goal around Delmore, who was coming in for the slide, and the linesman wasn't alert enough to see the play.

83rd Minute:
The worst minute of the game for Squornshelan fans, it started in celebration, as Raskolnikov was knocked over in the penalty area by Tomas Kristiansand in an overeager attempt to reach the ball. Whitmead awarded the penalty kick, which was naturally booed by the home crowd, while Squornshelan fans back home went crazy in front of their TV's. Raskolnikov stepped back and took aim at the back of the net, when suddenly, he straightened up and glanced into the crowd. He then ran up and took the shot without setting himself up again. The ball sailed wide and the crowd went nuts. "There is no excuse for it," he said after the game, "I let the crowd get to me and missed it. There's nothing else to say, except that I won't make the same mistake again."

88th Minute:
Anothe set of stellar passes gives Svecia space to put in the winner. The ever present Belagt recieves a quick pass and fires immediately, catching Perez leaning the wrong way. With any momentum they might have salvaged from the missed PK shattered, Squornshelous loses possesion of the kickoff and can't force Svecia to give it up again.

Final Score:
Squornshelous 1-2 Svecia

Scoring Summary:
SQ: Puente [63]
SV: Solskjaer [75]
SV: Belagt [88]


Referee:
Jimmy Whitmead [1:1] -Legalese-

Squornshelous' Scorers:
Raskolnikov: 6
Puente: 4
Castillan: 3
Arnesson: 2


Up Next:
There's no let up in sight. Squornshleous will have to rebound quickly from this loss against Dennisov. This is a crucial game, because it will show whether this cup's Pschychoes can recover from a loss or if they will crash and burn like thoe of World Cup 17.
Predicted Score: Squornshelous 3-2 Dennisov

Squornshelous' Qualifying Schedule:
wins losses draws

MD01: Squornshelous 5-1 Finrods
MD02: Sarcodina 1-2 Squornshelous
MD03: Squornshelous 3-0 Wella
MD04: Artoonia 1-4 Squornshelous
MD05: Svecia 2-1 Squornshelous
MD06: Dennisov v Squornshelous
MD07: Squornshelous v Oddslavo
MD08: Finrods v Squornshelous
MD09: Squornshelous v Sarcodina
MD10: Wella v Squornshelous
MD11: Squornshelous v Artoonia
MD12: Squornshelous v Svecia
MD13: Squornshelous v Dennisov
MD14: Oddslavo v Squornshelous



Group 7 standings after Matchday 5:

Pos Team P W D L GF GA GD Pts
1 Svecia 5 4 1 0 11 4 7 13
2 Squornshelous 5 4 0 1 15 5 10 12
3 Artoonia 5 2 1 2 9 10 -1 7
4 Sarcodina 5 2 0 3 5 8 -3 6
5 Wella 5 2 0 3 7 11 -4 6
6 Finrods 5 1 2 2 8 11 -3 5
7 Oddslavo 5 1 1 3 6 8 -2 4
8 Dennisov 5 1 1 3 4 8 -4 4