NationStates Jolt Archive

Can you tell me how to beat, how to beat down Cockbill Street
These three points were brought to you by the number 5, the number 2, the letter F, and the letter U


Audioslavia
----------------------------------------------
| 1 |
| Fenwick |
| 4 5 20 |
| 6 Romanov Rep Johnstone 3 |
| O`Brien O`Rourke |
| 8 |
| 7 Tanner |
| Johansen 11 |
| 14 Jaynes |
| Marriot |
| |
| 9 |
| Bracken |
----------------------------------------------
| 11 |
| Stone 19 |
| Stubbings |
| 17 |
| Axewielder |
| 8 16 |
| Underwood 15 Hammerhock |
| Howard |
| |
| 18 14 4 2 |
|Walker Spearthrower Fearinciter Hammerfighter|
| |
| 13 |
| Havell |
----------------------------------------------
Cockbill Street

Having been trounced 4-1 at home by Squornshelous in midweek, Paul Ward needed a big result against a strong team to redeem himself in the eyes of the Audioslavian fans. When the 'slaves lined up with the same formation and the same starting eleven as the thrashees of the Stupidhead game, the fans feared the worse. Ward's head was demanded on a plate from the second the team sheet was anounced, but the manager calmly watched his side take to the field. Maybe he knew something we didnt?

It was apparent five minutes into the game as Audioslavia stormed into a surprise two goal lead. Both goals came from crosses after the wing-backs and the side-midfielders started playing off each other on either wing in a display of beautiful attacking play. Johansen made the first after whipping a ball onto Bracken's head after two minutes, and Bracken again scored on five minutes as he dived onto a Marriot cross to nod the ball past Havell.

Cockbill Street goalkeeper Johnathon Havell looked like his nerves had been shot to pieces throughout most of the first half as time and time again Audioslavia broke through down the wing and put crosses over that he seemed ill-equipt to deal with. On seventeen minutes he again found himself picking the ball out of the back of the net as Alexander Marriot finished off a Jaynes cross with a powerful header into the corner.

Despite going three goals down, the largely Streetian crowd in the Vimesbairn Stadium remained vocal, if a little more angry. The Street were jolted into waking up and almost grabbed a goal back on the half-hour as Axewielder curled a lovely shot round Fenwick only to see his effort go round the post.

Things were looking up for Cockbill Street, but from the counter-attack their appalling cover down the flanks let in Khully Tanner on the left hand side. He pulled the ball back to Bracken who took the ball on the volley from seven yards out and blasted the ball hard, the ball heading to the corner. The street fans' heads dropped again, but out of nowhere, Johnny Havell dived halfway accross his goal and tipped the ball over the bar with an amazing save, getting a standing ovation from many of the fans, including an awe-struck Danny Bracken.

Havell celebrated his new-found confidence by coming out for the corner, missing it, and watching Ally Marriot nod the ball into the empty net for nil-four.

Half-time came and went with little for the Streetians to cheer about, but to their credit the side didnt give up during the second half. Stone caused Rep and Romanov all sorts of trouble as his power and pace often left them needing midfield back-up to protect Audioslavia's slender four-goal lead.

Cockbill Street's breakthrough came on fifty-five minutes with Rikki Stone netting a deserved goal after Stubbings layed off a perfect ball for him to strike home.

The Street carried on chipping away at the 'slaves defence before the lead was finally halved on eighty minutes, Stone and Stubbings again working well before Axewielder finished from six yards, beating Romanov to a loose Stubbings pass and flicking the ball past Fenwick.

2-4 the match stayed until three minutes into injury time where Cockbill Street again suffered from their cluelessness down the flanks. Substitute David Maiden whipped a ball onto the head of Khully Tanner who headed Audioslavia's fifth past a now-really-quite-pissed-off Johnathon Havell.

FINAL SCORE
COCKBILL STREET 2-5 AUDIOSLAVIA
Stone 54 Bracken 2, 5
Axewielder 80 Marriot 17, 37
Tanner 90+3

---Group 4----
[1] Squornshelous 6 6 0 0 21-5 18
[2] Audioslavia 6 4 0 2 15-10 12
<3> Cockbill Street 6 4 0 2 12-10 12
<4> Ebon Hawk 6 3 1 2 7-10 10
5- The Weegies 6 2 0 4 8-9 6
6- Isles Of Wohlstand 6 1 1 4 8-12 4
7- Magnus Valerius 6 1 1 4 5-12 4
8- Big Pimento 6 1 1 4 4-12 4

After six games Squornshelous have opened up their lead to a massive six points, with Audioslavia and Cockbill Street still pressing for that second place. Ebon Hawk are still holding their own despite two defeats and poor goal-difference as they take advantage of their easier recent run up to go fourth.

The Weegies however are having another awfully dissappointing run, languishing fifth out of eight on only six points, two away from bottom.

Isles of Wohlstand have clawed their way off bottom by getting four points from a possible six recently, with Magnus Valerius and Big Pimento still struggling at the foot of the table.

I've been Jeremy Jaffacake. G'nite bitches.

Three Red Points

Can anyone tell us what happened to Laxtu Takil in the first days of the qualifiers? The guarantee for defensive matches, which would make any Karela fan proud suddently changed tactics completely in the first matches. On average, the Orange-Blues scored 4 goals per game (even though the KaMaRi Update has to remind that the average is heavily affected by the fact that the Orange-Blues played Ravea). The Orange-Blues however conceded goals in matches against teams, which normally would have no chance against the Rejistanian all-out-defense. Whatever dope there was in his drinking water (or rather coffee) before the first MDs, it was missing now. That was no bad thing: The Orange-Blues defeated the Wolves of One Red Dot with the well-known tactics by 2:0.

The One Red Dot soccer team somehow failed to attract as many fans as in the matches in previous cups. This surely did not result from the style of match of the Wolves, since their attacking style of match was surely better, as in more aesthetic as the System Karela of the Orange-Blues. Despite that, the fans cheered the System Karela enthusiastically. The first half saw the Wolves fight against the Rejistanian defense but without having major chances. Lyku Ju's counter attack in the 24th minute was parried by the One Red Dot goalkeeper. As you might have guessed, the first half ended 0:0.

The Red Dots and the Orange-Blues did not change their tactics much, but slightly differences caused chances for both teams. The Wolves attacked more via the right side, where they spoted some weaknesses. The Orange-Blues however played a slight bit more offensive, meaning that the had more counter attacks. SyMji used such a counter-attack to bring the Orange-Blues ahead during the 62nd minute. The fans started singing Karela lines chants, not ironically, but since these highly defensive tactics are used since the Orange-Blues played as national team, they are liked. Only three minutes later, the Orange-Blues had another chance, which a Red Dot defender could only clear by fouling Tuade Lue. Referee Kellun Hodges warned the defender and decided free kick for the Orange-Blues. Sasijilvenku Dikelesinivetisaru and Nxeni Venu were standing in positions to shoot it. "Sasi" took it and converted directly. This time, the scoreboard could handle the name without crashing, however, the name was shortened to 'Dikelesi' due to the limited space. The rest of the match, the Orange-Blues played more defensively than before (yes, this was possible) and so 2:0 was the final score.

The result:
One Red Dot 0
Rejistania 2 (Lyku 64th, Dikelesinivetisaru 68th)

Referee: Kellun Hodges (TLC), KaMaRi Update rating: 7 (no major misdecisions during the match, however he was maybe a bit too strict when accusing the Orange-Blues of causing unessecary delays and pauses)

Ians Robbed and Robbers!
Lose to Commerce Heights on bad calls; beat Starblaydia on bad calls

PENNINGWORTH, Starblaydia -- In yet another episode of what is fast becoming the WORST OFFICIATED WORLD CUP EVER™, the Ians rebounded from having a game stolen from them in Commerce Heights by Won Eckstream to stealing one from the Rayzors thanks to the very same official.

Tom Ravenhill was the hero for Iansisle, scoring twice early to give Iansisle a 2-0 lead. Brian Lyon also scored in the 48th minute to give Iansisle a seemingly invincible three goal advantage.

However, Starblaydia, perhaps rejuvenated by the ridiculously huge crowd, fought back. They scored twice and had another goal pulled back by Eckstream, much to the Ians’ relief and the home team’s disappointment.

The Ians ran their record to 4-0-2 and are now part of a four-way tie on points.

In other news, the Ianapalis Star-Tribune printed an apology to its readers yesterday.

“We apologize for the delay in reporting Ians games. What with the extended road-trip, we’ve hardly been able to catch up with them. Please bear with us, and thank you to the many fans who have volunteered to write guest columns.”

The Ians will take on 32nd ranked Giant Zucchini at the Westergate Footballing Grounds next. The match was originally scheduled for Stadium Mansmouth as part of a friendship treaty between the Republic and the United Kingdom, but it has been moved back to Westergate after all 32,000 seats sold out inside of three hours.

Who?
Eh, who cares, we'll take the three points anyway

ATHTAI -- Pedriana's most recent match had the team returning home to Athtai National Stadium in Athtai, which they hope will serve as good practice for the upcoming third AOCAF competition. But virtually none of the Pedrian people had any clue who the opponent was, knowing only that they went by the name Haperd.

To make a long story short, Pedriana won the match 3-1. Sorry, we'd say more, but the Old Babylonian rebels are approaching the news building, and I'm getting my derriere out of here before it's too late.

Final score:
Pedriana 3 (Jalkut 23; Svedine 77, 84)
Haperd 1 (49)

OOC: Yes, this RP might be pretty much offtopic, as in, not referring directly to a match. But hopefully, CS and me will make a RPed story of it.

IC:
It is a bad day in Psytroxia, one of the few days when it is raining cats and dogs but is too hot despite this. Fortuna Stallman was preparing for a friendly against a 3rd division club, Siki Rej never heard of. the match would not be worth recording, normally, but at the moment he required any match data to analyse. This question how what properties define a good team were still questions, he liked objective answers to. That means: answers other than 'a good team scores more often than the opponent'. That was the reason, why he analysed many matches of all kinds: H1SR, U21, H2SR, Progressan league, colony cup, anything, he could get TV broadcasts of or he could record himself (the latter only became important now, that he has to live as refugee). Ah no, better don't think of the life as refugee, don't think of the fact that Cockbill Street would pay a high amount of money (well, real money, no toy money from Insane Inflation or similar places) for anyone who gives them information about his whereabouts and even more for the arrest of him. "All I did was telling Jetta'he how to defeat Cockbill Street! Don't I have a right to tell about bugs of my own creation?" he murmured. His own creation, a math-logical device called Hexatux, was unfortunately the coach of the Streeters U21 in excatly that match. In the Street, he would be charged for treason, murder in more than hundred cases (which were suicides after the loss) and all other things, which can be found in a penal code. "Hej-da, Siki!" Siki Rej was disturbed in his thoughts and attempts to install the video camera in a tree next to the stadium. Namila Ita was one of the most loyal (or maybe: fanatic) Fortuna Stallman fans he knew and Namila assumed that he is as loyal as he is and since Siki profited from Namila's help to get good images, he did not correct him. "Hejida Namila! Il'su?" (he did enjoy the fact that the psytroxians have a notable ethincal minority, which language reminds pretty much of rejistanian and so he could speak in his native tongue, so he talked to him despite not feeling like much conversation with a freak) Namila answered that he felt fine and directly changed the topic to the trouble of the Fortuna to find a good right midfielder. Siki listened and nodded sometimes When he proposed a certain youth player as substitution for Mkadi Syku, a discussion arose. When Namila left, he handed him a page from one of the big Psytroxi newspapers, he did not need to read the article to see why Namila gave it to him: On the page was an image of him in another tree recording another match. "Slani!", he thought. He did not want to leave this country, which was so inviting and so similar to Rejistania. He just hoped no one in the Street would notice.

The Daily Druid

WELLA BRUSHED ASIDE
Björn-Trevor Frederiksson on Wella 0 NEWI Cefn Druids 2

NEWI Cefn Druids beat the haircare products of Wella convincingly last night. The Druids' goals came in a productive spell just after half time, with a goal each for strikers Liam Gessemschmitthaagen-Po and Trevor Law. However, the most significant feature of the night was that 24 minutes of injury time were added to the end of the match bu Turorian referee Valamit Samara.

While this might seem ridiculous, there is a simple reason why this happened. "It's my contract," said new Druids physio Trevor McMahon. "They've given me a contract that means the more I work, the more I earn. I think they made a mistake somewhere, so I asked the players what they thought, and they thought it was unfair, so they kept going down and giving me work to do."

The tactics did backfire slightly, with seven yellow cards to Druids players for time wasting alone. "We were lucky it wasn't a strict referee," said Simon Greaves afterwards, "Or we could have ended the game with about two players left on the pitch. Though if they'd have carried on with it with a stricter ref... I doubt it. You saw that each player that got booked stopped doing it by the end.

Final Score:
Wella 0
NEWI Cefn Druids 2 [Gessemschmitthaagen-Po 48, Law 54]

...AND NOW, THE RESULTS/SCORERS/FIXTURES

Results so far...

Matchday 1: NEWI Cefn Druids 3-1 Kerla
Matchday 2: The Gulf States 1-2 NEWI Cefn Druids
Matchday 3: NEWI Cefn Druids 5-1 Adrusuvare
Matchday 4: Kirata 0-5 NEWI Cefn Druids
Matchday 5: NEWI Cefn Druids 1-1 The Lowland Clans
Matchday 6: Wella 0-2 NEWI Cefn Druids

Top scorers

[9] Trevor Law
[5] Liam Gessemschmitthaagen-Po
[1] Bill Posters
[1] Trevor Maddison
[1] Rhys Owens
[1] Maurice Leicester

...and still to come:

Matchday 7: NEWI Cefn Druids v Lykaia
Matchday 8: Kerla v NEWI Cefn Druids
Matchday 9: NEWI Cefn Druids v The Gulf States
Matchday 10: Adrusuvare v NEWI Cefn Druids
Matchday 11: NEWI Cefn Druids v Kirata
Matchday 12: The Lowland Clans v NEWI Cefn Druids
Matchday 13: NEWi Cefn Druids v Wella
Matchday 14: Lykaia v NEWI Cefn Druids

All home matches to be played at The Hole, Mawr (capacity 89,500)


DRUIDS KITS ON SALE NOW!!!

The NEWI Cefn Druids kits (http://www.savepic.com/freepicturehosting/is.php?i=251906&img=kits2.gif) are now on sale at retailers across the country, and sometimes at some internatioanally. The old kits (http://www.savepic.com/freepicturehosting/is.php?i=205047&img=kits.gif) are now on sale for just 5 groats each, perfect for kitting out your poor local team. Or, indeed, if you are the Flexsys Cefn Druids FA, who are bound to be short on cash.

http://www.dirt-racing.com/3wide/sites/vilita/vn/tn/logo.gif

Turori [2]-[1] Gesamtkuntswerk

----------------------------------------


-------------------The Turori Eels entered into their match against Gesamtkuntswerk with high expectations, despite the better rank of their opposition. New head coach Mauritus Banda held the weight of a Nation on his shoulders, risking his holy image among the Turori faithful by taking the heated reigns of the Eels Senior squad. While former manager Gisterfred Q. Disterfred was there to call the shots, it would be Banda who would take all the credit... or all the blame.

-------------------The match started out with Gesamtkuntswerk in control. Oddly enough the entire Gesamtkuntswerk squad was adorned with "Oaker" accrossed their backs. It is unknown at this time whether their players were actually named Oaker, or if the Gesamtkuntswerk uniforms were simply ordered from Oaker, where it would obviously cut on costs to simply have Oaker printed on the back of each shirt. Oaker started to come forward for Gesamtkuntswerk, but Martika Ecspo slid in to break up the play at the last gasp. The Eels were hit hard when defender Marlian Hunial twisted his knee on the play, and he had to be removed. Former youth star Ugo Doohan came on, but without time to warmup, he was guilty almost immediately of conceding a goal to Gesamtkuntswerk, playing an errant backpass which Oaker was able to intercept and put his team up 1-0.

-------------------It was not all bad for the Eels however, has Doohan quickly worked to make amends for his mistake, and earned a freekick 25 yards out. Marine Coast United's Cuolia Tuirma stepped up, looking to avenge his club sides defeat to Iskaraa Daii in the Ainorspisp Invitational, slipped a picturesque kick under the bar to level the scores and gives his team the momental edge into the second half.

-------------------The second half started and the Eels kept up the pressure. Doohan again made an impact, coming in to volley powerfully towards Oaker in the Gesamtkuntswerk net. Oaker could not control the ball, but was able to put it behind for a Turori corner. Tuirma stepped up to take the corner, but it was fisted away by Oaker. Ecspo collected the ball, then found Kiatin Likao free on the edge of the area, and Likao caught Oaker off guard to give Turori the lead.

-------------------The Eels would hold on to their advantage and come out with a huge victory over the better ranked Gesamtkuntswerk side. Turori's next opponents, Rejistania, defeated One Red Dot to remain undefeated atop the Group 10 table. The Eels are 8 points behind One Red Dot in 2nd, but just 2 points behind High-Flying Eystrck, who have recorded wins over Turori, Haped, and a giant 7-1 thrasing of Ravea to move into the playoff zone.



Referee: Trevor Korsov [Squornshelous]



Turori Eels (4-4-2) ::
[GK] Milauo Slietah, [D] Linoi Niabula, [D] Marlian Hunial, [D] Martika Ecspo, [D]Kiatin Likao [M] Tika Poloni, [M] Malaino Mumamba, [M] Yabaiy Tbaiao, [M] Cuolia Tuirma, [F] Jualiar Vumaou, [F] Akamoari Liano
BENCH::
[GK] Jarod Dreka, [D] Maratima Tareak, [AM] Kabaofo Iobabao, [U] Ugo Doohan, [M] Rikko Ambama, [F] Mika Sakatorra [F] Nikki Inostraza


----------------------------------------
RESULTS AND OTHER INFORMATION
----------------------------------------


All Turori Home matches to be at:: Almintora National Stadium, Almintora, Turori (Unless Otherwise Noted)

Turori::[6-0]-Ravea
Turori::[1-2]@Haperd
Turori::[0-1]-Eystrck
Turori::[2-2]@Pedriana
Turori::[0-2]@One Red Dot
Turori::[2-1]-Gesamtkuntswerk
Turori::[X-X]@Rejistania
Turori::[X-X]@Ravea
Turori::[X-X]-Haperd
Turori::[X-X]@Eystrck
Turori::[X-X]-Pedriana
Turori::[X-X]-One Red Dot
Turori::[X-X]@Gesamtkuntswerk
Turori::[X-X]-Rejistania



--------------------------------------------------------------------
Ao1b(8 ............... OouYvaiVYaqkBWjwIIOB ............. 001092019726X9

Slani jolt, let me post as II! c'mon, I bribe you with 200 ado TIY!


The match between the Trillionaires and Slaikau ended 1:2. Again the Trillionaires lost, but this lost was more severe than the ones before for some reasons:
* the opponent was below them in the group tables
* the match was at home
* before they played these insanely good matches against Eauz and Qia
* no referee was to blame (admit it: you want the referee to be a bit unjust against your team as long as they win despite that). Dave Granger from Liverpool England did a good job in this match.
The mood at the press conference was in this strange mixtures between aggression and mourning, that only a soccer match can cause.

Ludwig Erhardt: Dear Ladies and Gentlemen, we knew that matches like this would happen on international stage... This loss was painful because we proved to be able to play better... I will talk to the players and I will once again clarify that we are not good enough to play a mediocre match and still win. There were some serious flaws in this match, but I hope that they won't occur next match. That's basically all, what are your questions?

Reporter: Will the Magy brothers start in the next match?

LE: That depends on their form. I must admit that Forint was not in the best form and that Pengö... well, ... you saw him play.... but there is much time to the next match.

Reporter: Can the FA afford travelling the next away match?

LE: We are in II here, somehow, we will find a way!

Reporter: Also into the world cup?

LE: Next question!

Reporter: What was your biggest mistake today?

LE: I woke up... seriously, I think we played too offensive, especially in the second half.

Reporter: will you consider a 4-4-2 for the next match?

LE: We'll see, consider at last. Thanks for your questions, but now it's time to leave and get royally drunk.

Matchday 7 Scores Posted:

SCORES THREAD (http://forums2.jolt.co.uk/showthread.php?t=356281)

http://ohiocoaster.com/wapahkonetafootballlogo.GIF

El Cid Mraches all over Braves

The latest Wapahkonee match didn't fare too well. "I don't think that we were beat, necessarily. It was more like we scored less." Commented the coach.

The game started off well. Wapahkoneta were well accepted coming out of the locker room. But things went downhill after that. The home crowd just adored the moment when the aptly named "el cids teem" came out of the locker room and too the pitch. Many jeering comments were heard, such as "lets mrach" and "weel beet tehm!" were heard from the stands. The referee, Trevor Stalin, signaled that the el cids teem would take the ball first.

Much to the Wapahkonee's suprise, teem capatain Terry Nevile grabbed the ball with his "hnads" (according to an El Cid news report later that night) and ran down the field. The Wapahkonee players were waiting for a whistle, but none ever came, and the teem capatain Terry Nevile dove into the "gaol" making the score 1-0.

There was much protest from the Wapahkonee players when the el cids teem were given the ball again to kick off. Apparently mentally ill player Panaglotis Keisl, covered in drool, "pciked" off a good kick late in the half. It wasn't necessarily a good kick, just the braves thought it to be the better part of dignity to let the retards play. The "hlaf" ended and el cids teem led the Braves 2-0.

The second "hlaf" started off when the Braves were finally given the ball. Clever Wapahkonee forward Nawahtahtha decided to pull the same idea that the teem capatain Nevile used to get a gaol, but before kicking off and touching the ball, Stalin issued Nawahtahtha a red card for precognated murder.

Stalin then issued all but the Wapahkonee keeper, Ationokonee, a red card, all before the second "hlaf" had commenced. One the game started back up, Ationokonee managed to kick a good long ball, and the el cids teem were all seizuring, not able to stop the ball. Stalin was too busy reading the communist manifesto otherwise he would've called the ball back. He disallowed 8 more goals this way.

Though only two balls went past Ationokonee, the score for some outlandish reason at the end of the match was 5-1. Apparently, goals were awarded for good mraching style. Ationokonee didn't know how to mrach, so his 8 goals were called off. The technical score should've been 9-1, however, Stalin heavily favored the professional teem mrachers, and the final score was:

EL CID THE HERO - 5 (Nevile, Keisl, Stalin, Stalin, Stalin)
Wapahkoneta - 1 (Ationokonee)

With that, Wapahkoneta had decided to book a more favorable referee for the next home match. Though they had really won, to the eyes of the world, they had been mrached all over.

Stars win battle against Pure Evil, 4-1

The Sarzonian national team was expecting an easy match against the unranked Pure Evil squad on their home ground in Nicksia's Jess Aaron Stadium and they got it as forward Anton Gregor broke out of his tournament long funk with a hat trick to lead the Stars to a comfortable 4-1 win.

"We finally got the kind of production from Anton we were hoping for," Coach Bryan Marshall said. "We're going to need Anton and everyone on the club to play well for us to advance to the finals."

"It's hard not to press," Gregor said after the match, "so it was a real relief when I saw that ball hit the back of the net that first time." Gregor's goal in the 17th minute after constant Stars pressure gave the Stars a 1-0 advantage, which the team nursed into the first minute of stoppage time in the first half.

Pure Evil got a break when an "ugly" miscommunication between goalkeeper Kerry Tanner, starting in place of Troy Perkins, left a ball for defender Lance Alcina that Pure Evil's forward got to and poked behind Tanner for a goal to send the teams into the locker room level.

"That was a bad goal, plain and simple," Tanner said. "It was definitely my fault."

The Stars rebounded from that potentially deflating goal when Alcina pushed forward and was fouled in the 18 yard box. Referee Irv Hughes from Melmond called the penalty kick against Pure Evil and pulled out a red card, ejecting the club's best defender.

"That was a lucky break right there," Alcina said. "I thought that could have easily been a no call or at worst an indirect free kick, but Hughes said it was a penalty and a send off. Who am I to argue?"

Forward Brian Wilson took the penalty and slammed it into the upper left corner of the net while the goalkeeper guessed Wilson would go to his right. The goal gave the Stars a 2-1 lead in the 53rd minute.

Then, it was Gregor time.

Gregor stole the ball from a reserve defender and struck on a counter attack in the 64th minute to stretch the Stars margin to 3-1, then capped off the night with his third goal of the match in the 83rd minute to provide the final margin.

"This win gives us great momentum going into the match against Commerce Heights," Wilson said. "It should be a great atmosphere. We're going into a huge new building in front of nearly 80,000 screaming Sarzonians. That place should be rocking.

Commerce Heights, the group's top seed, had their first blemish of the tournament with a 3-3 draw against Starblaydia. The Stars are currently in a tie for second place with the group's second seeds Iansisle.

"All our focus will be on Commerce Heights," midfielder and team captain Bobby Convey said. "We're hoping some home field advantage will pay dividends.

Marshall said Perkins would return to the starting lineup for the Stars after Tanner "went in to get sharp." He also said defender William Jackson was "this close" to being ready to return, as he held up his thumb and forefinger just a centimeter apart.

"William's going to have to get some of his fitness back," Marshall said. "He hasn't been in there the last few matches and we've been playing well. What are we, on a four game win streak? It's going to be awfully hard to take anyone out of that back four the way we've been playing lately."

Strike Birds Show True Form In 3-0 Trouncing Against Halfassedstates

Win Moves TEN Into 3rd; Sights Set on Avenging Loss to ECTH


As the final whistle sounded, it was evident that the Strike Birds of old were back, handily defeating a powerful Halfassedstates team 3-0. Siggy Secour scored both of his goals in the secon half and Horace scored his single tally near the end of the first. The team will now travel to EL CID THE HERO with a goal of paying back EL CID with a loss on their own turf. Doing so would vault them into at least second place.

The match was refereed by what had been missing referee Milaibao Toibna. Toibna, who ref'd the first match between TEN and ECTH but then her flight out of the Nest never made it anywhere. She told some story of an emergency landing in the Vorpal bunnies and not having any way to contact anyone while the plane was being fixed. However, her calls were fair and just, and it has been announced she will be calling the TEN-Svecia game.

The team seemed in good spirits as they boarded the plane to EL CID and was over that disasterous 0-1-1 start in this qualifyer. They seemed determined to get the automatic qualifyer spots out of the group.

Vorpal Bunnies well, has stunk up the pitch, yet to score a point halfway through the qualifying. Tune in to see how well...or not...they do.


*MEANWHILE*

*The RP machine has been boxed up and is being moved out of the basement floor*

Shadowry Figure: 3-0 Win, most excellent work there.

Lackey #1: Yes, well I hope ECTH let's it past customs.

SF: Already taken care of.

L: it is?

SF: Yep, we sent Guido and a few of his friends on ahead.

L: wow.

SF: We are at least moving up the standings, and a win tomorrow for us, and if Svecia ties or loses tomorrow, we could be in first place.

L: They play Northbank sir.

SF: Oh yeah, ok we can be in second place...we owe them a return game too don't we?

L: Yes sir, but it's here.

SF: Ok good.

L: Um sir, why the interest in the World Cup? I mean usually we are worrying about the street urchins and well domestic....issues.

SF: Don't worry about it for now. I'll explain later.

L: ok. I have to make sure the equipment is packed and all loaded.


Matchday 1: The Eagle's Nest vs. EL CID THE HERO Loss 0-1
Matchday 2: The Eagle's Nest @ Northbank Tie 2-2
Matchday 3: The Eagle's Nest vs. Esth Win 3-1
Matchday 4: The Eagle's Nest @ Wapahkoneta Win 4-1
Matchday 5: The Eagle's Nest vs. Svecia Win 1-0
Matchday 6: The Eagle's Nest @ Snub Nose 38 Tie 2-2
Matchday 7: The Eagle's Nest vs. Halfassedstates Win 3-0
-----------------------------------------------------
Matchday 8: The Eagle's Nest @ EL CID THE HERO
Matchday 9: The Eagle's Nest vs. Northbank
Matchday 10: The Eagle's Nest @ Esth
Matchday 11: The Eagle's Nest vs. Wapahkoneta
Matchday 12: The Eagle's Nest @ Svecia
Matchday 13: The Eagle's Nest vs. Snub Nose 38
Matchday 14: The Eagle's Nest @ Halfassedstates


Group 2 Standings

Pos Team P W D L F A GD Pts PP
1 Svecia 7 5 1 1 15 4 11 16 37
2 EL CID THE HERO 7 5 0 2 14 7 7 15 36
3 The Eagles Nest 7 4 2 1 15 7 8 14 35
4 Halfassedstates 7 4 0 3 11 7 4 12 33
5 Snub Nose 38 7 3 2 2 12 11 1 11 32
6 Northbank 7 1 1 5 8 17 -9 4 25
7 Esth 7 1 1 5 6 15 -9 4 25
8 Wapahkoneta 7 1 1 5 6 19 -13 4 25

La Vie Est Belle!
Melmond Plays Match of Their Lives, Kicks Commie Ass
By Pjsy RhIngg of the Wzkknfs Hnyd Tribune

ZUKA, EAUZ—There are times where the stars and plants are in perfect alignment where improbable things start to happen. This was one of those nights as Melmond was a moderate underdog against the defending World Champion Eauz side in front of a frenzied sold out crowd in Zuka in a night which can only be described as clear and perfect. Melmond’s play could be called that as well in this match.
The Melmondian momentum began even before the kickoff started. During the singing of the national anthems, Melmond brought their own special singer, Stillint Hecloset, a major musical superstar in Melmond. Having Stillint Hecloset sing in Eauz is very special for him as his father was originally from Eauz. His mother was born in Raptor Claw and met in a commune in Melmond called “Red Red Meat.” However, in a bit of revenge of an Eauzian orator doing self-righteous commie speaking in a World Cup 14 match in Suburbia, Melmond; Hecloset was not to sing, but give a speech in Eauzian French in a rather friendly matter about the evils of government enforced socialism. The gist of the speech was this point: “A libertarian society can tolerate a socialist society amongst consenting peoples, a socialist society cannot tolerate a libertarian society amongst consenting peoples, and therefore the libertarian capitalizts are far freer.” The speech was unpopular to most of the Eauzians, but a scant few were rather moved. The jeering of the Melmond side intensified.
But the Melmond National Team fed off the crowd’s animosity and used it as a motivation tool. In the early going, it was Eauz doing most of the attacking. However, the Melmond defence played its physical style and got in the way of the Eauzian attack, making great tackles, getting in position for interceptions, or making getting a shot off so difficult that Melmond goalkeeper Snhp Xtfuinxm would get easy pickens. Some of the good shots Eauz did get off were also well covered by Xtfuinxm.
The frustration of the stellar Melmondian defence and the stellar speech by Stillint Hecloset really started to frustrate the Eauz side. They started to lose their cool midway through the first half. They took a huge blow where on a Melmond corner kick, Melmond striker Tim Remans and Eauz defender Michel Thorain had their feet tangled as the ball was in the air. As Thorain stumbled, he clipped Melmond midfielder Jake Cormier. Cormier fell down a wee bit hard on the top of his back, but was able to recover. However, the infraction caused Northbank referee Peter Collins to make a questionable call, a red card for Michel Thorain at the 23rd minute. Eauz will be down one player for the rest of the match. He also awarded a penalty shot to Melmond, but Tim Remans penalty kick was saved by Eauz goalkeeper Michel Rousoi.
Despite the save by Rousoi, the Eauzian frustrations still increased more as they made an infraction at the 36th minute. Eauz striker Thierry Alia, frustrated with the strong, overachieving play of Melmond defender Veronica Dean, decided to stiff arm her on the side of her head trying to get in position to make a solid strike. Melmond defender Veronica Dean, already known for her temper, smacked Alia in the upper arm. The referee gave out two cards, a red for Alia for being the instigator and a yellow for Dean for retaliating. A questionable way of giving out cards indeed.
At extra time in the first half, it was not Dr. X, but Ms. X, Ojfssnsj Xrnym who scores the first goal of the match as Melmond really poured on the attack on the outmanned Eauz defence. Melmond midfielder Critandi Unne lets out a rocket of a shot from long distance, which Eauz goalkeeper Michel Rousoi was able to dive and deflect, but Xrnym cleans up the deflection. It was 1-nil Melmond at the end of the first half in front of a dead silent crowd with the exception of some of the Melmond footballing faithful.
The world champion Eauz side didn’t show up in the first half, and clearly didn’t show up in the second half. They seemed to be much like their French brethren, surrendering after first blood. The Melmond National Team dominated every aspect of the second half. The only player on Eauz who still seemed to have some fire within him was the goalkeeper Michel Rousoi, who made some excellent saves to keep out three other sure fire goals. However, the player power of the Melmond side and the efficiency at which they played proved to be too much for Rousoi.
At the 60th minute, Ms. X scores one more goal in this match than Dr. X scored in his entire Eauzian career of one match. Ojfssnsj Xrnym was all ready for a clever pass from Melmond midfielder Cristina Antunez which Eauz wasn’t even close to being prepared for. As Xrnym was basically at point blank range from the net, Eauz goalkeeper Michel Rousoi rushed to dive for the ball and take it out of her possession. However, Xrnym just chips the ball over the diving Rousoi and Melmond takes the 2-nil lead in front of the stunned Eauzian crowd.
The last piece of damage was at the feet of Melmondian legend Critandi Unne. Eauz was called for a questionable foul right outside the goalkeeper’s box. Critandi Unne got the privilege of doing the free kick. S/he rockets the ball over the Eauzian wall and right into the top right corner of the Eauzian net, with Eauzian goalkeeper Michel Rousoi diving in vain to stop that photon-like shot. Melmond takes the 3-nil lead for good with Critandi Unne’s goal at the 70th minute. Melmond takes the match and second place with a commanding victory over the defending World Champions Eauz in their own turf, easily the best result in the history of Melmondian international football. However, the team isn’t kidding themselves. They know that they played well for themselves, but also realize that many things went their way.

Goals
Xrnym, MEL 45th
Xrnym, MEL 60th
Cr. Unne, MEL 70th

Cards
Thorain, EAU 23rd
Alia, EAU 36th
Dean, MEL 36th

Standings

Other Group 3 Results
Spaam 3 – Oaker 2
The Evil Umpire 2 – Insane Inflation 1
Slaikau 4 – Qia 2

Group 3
Pts W D L GF:GA GD
1. Spaam 18 6 0 1 22:9 13
2. Melmond 14 4 2 1 16:7 9
3. Eauz 13 4 1 2 16:10 6
4. The Evil Umpire 12 4 0 3 14:12 2
5. Slaikau 10 3 1 3 8:14 -6
6. Oaker 8 2 2 3 11:9 2
7. Insane Inflation 4 1 1 5 8:16 -8
8. Qia 1 0 1 6 7:25 -18

Team Stats
Goals: Ojfssnsj Xrnym (6), Tim Remans (4), Critandi Unne (3), Jamie Prior (1), Lave Serna (1), Jake Cormier (1)
Cards: Charles Unne (2), Trav Strachan (1,1), Jamie Prior (1), Alfred Smith (1), Veronica Dean (1)

Melmond National Team Schedule

v Insane Inflation (Frankndottir Stadium, Acosta) W 3-0
v The Evil Umpire (Vilita) W 3-1
v Slaikau (Microcosm Football Colossuseum, Aldi) T 1-1
@ Qia T 1-1
@ Oaker L 3-1
v Spaam (Melmond Bowl, Melmond City) W 4-1
@ Eauz W 3-0
@ Insane Inflation
v The Evil Umpire (Commerce Heights)
@ Slaikau
v Qia (Bwnlqjd Knjgi, Wzkknfs Hnyd)
v Oaker (Feliz-Unne Stadium, Unne)
@ Spaam
v Eauz (Makinshakes Stadium, O’Connor)

Next Match
@ Insane Inflation

The fact that we were playing and eventually dominated the defending World champions distracted us from the fact that the Melmond National Team is on a four match road trip as they have gone to Eauz, go to Insane Inflation next, will go to Commerce Heights for the neutral site match against The Evil Umpire, and finishing up with a match in Slaikau. The next match is against Insane Inflation, and this would be a great time to inflate that goal differential, especially as the national team is back at full strength. Here is Manager David Bixler’s starting lineup for the Disappointments.

GK- Snhp Xtfuinxm
D- Jonsi Torrini
D- Sergio Ortiz
D- Charles Unne
D- Trav Strachan
M- Fwynj Otsjx
M- Alfred Smith
M- Critandi Unne
M- Cristina Antunez
F- Ojfssnsj Xrnym
F- Tim Remans

For tickets to Insane Inflation and the match, call the Therewegoes Travel Agency at 3-18-357-9009. Quite honestly, things are so cheap there a middle-class Melmondian could probably buy the entire nation. But is nation shopping isn’t your forte…well everything else is just about illegal unless you buy the country from the current dictator. We own all the tickets…very cheap…don’t miss your chance to see the Melmond National Team for such low prices!

VILÄMNA DAGENS NYHETER

LIGHTNING SNUB HOOLIGANS
"Was there another team out there?"

Svecia 2 Snub Nose 38 0

VILÄMNA, Svecia - Before Nuji Beili, the referee from Kaze Progressa, had even blown the final whistle, the Snub Nose Hooligans looked like they wanted to get out of the Rijksstadion. The instense atmosphere, and obviously pro-Svecian, combined with the impeccable passing the Lightning put together all match, looked like it took all the energy out of the Hooligans.

Although Svecia didn't score until the 56th minute, it certainly wasn't because of a lack of effort. Svecia ate up so much time on the clock just by passing the ball around that by the time Snub Nose took back possession, it seemed that the ball was in the hands, actually feet, of an orange jersey again.

The time of possession was as lopsided as the leaning tower of Pisa. Svecia controlled the ball over 65% of the game. But for all the time Svecia had the ball, one would not have guessed by the number of shots taken. Compared to the 7 shots taken by Snub Nose Svecia only had 10. For both teams the number on goal was three.

Again the deciding factor in the match was Mikael Solskjaer. Hie held a monopoly of shots in the game: he laid claim to all three of the shots on goal and obviously both goals as well. His well taken free kick in the 56th minute brought the stadium to its feet, and even elicited congratulations from the media and referees.

It was Solskjaer again in the 74th minute. This time his well timed run on Hanan Belagt's cross was headed from close range over the goal keeper into the roof of the net.

In the post-match interview, head coach Matt de Fijts was asked about how he felt his team played compared to Snub Nose. De Fijts' reply was, "Was there another team out there? I remember seeing a lot of orange around the ball, but not much else."

Svecia finally ended its suicidal four matches against the top four teams in the group with a 3-1 record. The Lightning start their second half of qualifying against Northbank on the road. After playing good teams and demolishing them Svecia should have no trouble against the lower ranked teams, but still the Lightning cannot overlook their opponents.

Omniworld Allow Dead Man Ahead
World Cup Match Day 7

Omniworld have suffered another loss loosing 2:3 to Dead Man. The side was bitterly dissapointed with the loss as the win would have had Omniworld ahead of Dead Man. Hoy said "Obviously it's a dissapointment but I think we played as well as we could." It appears that the referee problems of the last game have gone with a virtually fouless match. "Not even an off side exclaimed Parsons from the bench" Hoy said "I feel that Eckstream did a good job of refereeing this one some will say he was a bit leninant but I feltt that he was consistant and that is all that matters." Omniworld's next match is a return match against The Belmore Family. In the first match Omniworld lost 2:0 and will be looking for different fortunes this time around. "We will be happy with a draw." said captain Dvorak. The Belmore Family are ranked fourth in the group.

"Hans, God Dammit!"

Pschychoes Defeated by Darkhorse Streetians

The headline says it all. In an otherwise tight game, Hans Stumpel, who has been removed from his starting position and replaced with Earvin Jones, made his third slip up in three games that resulted in a goal. "He just hasn't played up to expectations, Earvin performed well when he was subbed in aainst Audioslavia, and he's been a solid backup for two cups now," said coach Naylor when asked about his decision. The loss, although dissapointing, does not hurt Squornshelous' qualifying chances too much, as they still hold a five point lead in the group, due to a scoreless draw between Audioslavia and The Weegies.

Final Score:
Squornshelous 0-1 Cockbill Street


Squornshelous Put down the Weegies in Matchday 6
Xavier Keiths scores twice, accompanied by a closer from Raskolnikov to put away the competition.

Final Score:
Squornshelous 3-1 The Weegies

Scoring Summary:
SQ: Keiths [19]
TW: Persson [30]
SQ: Keiths [51]
SQ: Raskolnikov [56]



Squornshelous' Scorers:
Raskolnikov: 9
Puente: 4
Keiths: 5
Arnesson: 1
Hicks: 1
Castillan: 1

Coming Up
Squornshelous begins the second half of qualifying in Ebon Hawk. This team has become one to be reckoned with, as they have emerged as the clear leader of "the rest". Although our first game against them was a lopsided blowout, we expect a much closer game, since they have a few games under their belts now.
Predicted Score:
Squornshelous 4-2 Ebon Hawk


Squornshelous' Qualifying Schedule:
Wins Losses Draws
MD01: Squornshelous 6-1 Ebon Hawk
MD02: Isles of Wohlstand 1-3 Squornshelous
MD03: Squornshelous 2-0 Big Pimento
MD04: Magnus Valerius 1-3 Squornshelous
MD05: Audioslavia 1-4 Squornshelous
MD06: The Weegies 1-3 Squornshelous
MD07:Squornshelous 0-1 Cockbill Street
MD08: Ebon Hawk v Squornshelous
MD09: Squornshelous v Isles of Wohlstand
MD10: Big Pimento v Squornshelous
MD11: Squornshelous v Magunus Valerius
MD12: Squornshelous v Audioslavia
MD13: Squornshelous v The Weegies
MD14: Cockbill Street v Squornshelous

Tigers fall to 5th place

Dushanbe - Five teams with ten points, matchday 7 was to decide who gets which place in the group. The Tigers played against Lemmitania, 2nd in the group and the main rival in Tadjikistans qualification run.
The Tigers started good with a shot in the box, after 7 minutes. But disaster struck in the 20th minute. While Lemmitania scored their first goal, Boris Gromov got injured in a duel. He was carried of the field, where they took care of him. In the meantime the Tigers had to play with ten.
Two minutes later Zhukov was informed about Gromovs situation, serious injury to the ligament he would be out for the match in Kylaai. Zhukov had to replace him and sent Timoshenko on the field, it was everything or nothing now and the Tigers had to attack.
The young Timoshenko showed what he was worth in the 43th minute with a breakthrough on the left side, his shot was blocked by a Lemmitanian defender.
The rebound was taken by Pliiev and went into the right corner of the Lemitanian goal. But distaster struck again when Managarov got sent of the field with red card because of a tackle. With only ten players and two defenders, Zhukov had to do something, he replaced Chuikov by Khrylov, another young talent from SKA Pamir Dushanbe.
Zhukov made his men fall back into more defensive positions, even the midfielders like Pliiev had to help in the defense. The pressure from Lemmitania increased and their second goal in the 52th minute could not be averted. The Tadjiks were losing and there was little they could do about it.
Suvorov brought Tadjikistan back to 2-2 in the 70th minute with a shot from the second line, for a moment there the Tadjik fans thought they would draw. Unfortunatly the Lemmitanians took back the lead in the 82th minute through a free kick. The Tigers had no answer to the situation, they lost one of their most important matches.

Georgi Zhukov commented on the result:"This is probably one of the worst matches if seen to date, even the red card festival in Krytenia 8 years ago wasnt as bad as this... we've lost Gromov, he wont be playing in Kylaai. Managarov is out for that match with his red card. Our young talents will have to prove themselves now. we must win in Kylaai and then against Artoonia at home. I just hope Gromov and Managarov will be back by then, we'll need them in the last five games." The Tigers are now fifth in the group with Kylaai at 1 point, Dennisov and Lemmitania at 3, a win in Kylaai will bring us to 4th. A position we should then strengthen against Artoonia.

Tadjikistan 2 - 3 Lemmitania
(referee: Peter Collins[NOR])
goals:<??> 20'(0-1), Pliiev 43'(1-1), <??> 52'(1-2), Suvorov 70'(2-2), <??> 82'(2-3)

Tadjikistan:
Yashin, Kuznetsov, Managarov(R 43'), Zhilenkov, Gromov(22' Timoshenko), Pliiev, Bagramian, Pavlov, Chuikov(43' Khrylov), Suvorov, Cherniakhovskij


[1] Total n Utter Insanity 7 5 2 0 15-6 17
[2] Lemmitania 7 4 1 2 17-8 13
<3> Dennisov 7 4 1 2 10-7 13
<4> Kylaai 7 3 2 2 10-8 11
5- Tadjikistan 7 3 1 3 14-9 10
6- NASTIC 2 7 3 1 3 10-10 10
7- Artoonia 7 1 2 4 5-14 5
8- Pterodactyl 7 0 0 7 3-22 0


MD1: Tadjikistan - Kylaai L 1-2
MD2: Artoonia - Tadjikistan W 0-3
MD3: Tadjikistan - Pterodactyl W 4-0
MD4: Dennisov - Tadjikistan L 1-0
MD5: Total n Utter Insanity - Tadjikistan D 2-2
MD6: NASTIC 2 - Tadjikistan W 1-2
MD7: Tadjikistan - Lemmitania L 2-3
MD8: Kylaai - Tadjikistan
MD9: Tadjikistan - Artoonia
MD10:Pterodactyl - Tadjikistan
MD11:Tadjikistan - Dennisov
MD12:Tadjikistan - Total n Utter Insanity
MD13:Tadjikistan - NASTIC 2
MD14:Lemmitania - Tadjikistan

Heightsian Record Hopes Smashed
Superb Comeback Means IRC Mystic predicted correct Result

Being on the wrong end of a 3-0 halftime score, Starblaydia were not looking like they'd be qualification hopefuls, while Commerce Heights were hoping to continue their run for a record number of consecutive victories. Two Cyprus Pound goals in ten minutes and a Platinum Ounce header put the Commerce Heights team into pole position. While the customary horrible TV replays and studio discussion about how "This could end up five or six-nil"

"So I should kiss my IRC bet that we'd draw goodbye?"

"Pucker up, baby."

Whatever Guylain, the Manager, said, did, or threw in the dressing room at half-time seemed to work. Starblaydia came out with all guns blazing. Shortly after coming on for the second half Eomer Hall bagged his fourth of the competition Then came Simeone Di Bradini breaking the International Goal-scoring record yet again, extending it to nineteen goals as he headed home his sixth goal in six games played.

With just ten minutes to go and Commerece Heights looking nervous, a rash challenge by Franc Switzer brought a free-kick on the edge of the box. As the recipient of the tackle, Ki-Jana Carter, had to be substituted from the injury he recieved Switzer was shown a yellow card. With some lovely refereeing by Marco Castellani from Esth, the free-kick was moved forward ten yards into the penalty area after both time-wasting and dissent from the former-World Champions.

£20M-rated Roberto Di Bradini came on for Carter and a great set-play followed. As the charging wall looked to try and smother a Ceri Salisbury bullet, the pass to a shooter went beyond the free-kcik specialist and straight to the feet of Roberto, who blasted the ball into the roof of the net from around nine yards, foxing the entire Commerce Heights defence who had failed to cover him.

The final ten minutes of the match was a frought affair for both sides, including some audacious attempts to con the ref into giving injury-time penalties. None were forthcoming though, and Starblaydia celebrated their greatest ever come-back in World Cup Qualifiers.


Final Score:
Commmerce Heights 3 - 3 Starblaydia
(Pound 14 24, P. Ounce 45) - (Hall 50, R Di Bradini 69, S Di Bradini 82)

Other Group 9 Results:
Iansisle [4] Giant Zucchini [0]
Sarzonia [4] Pure Evil [1]
Oceaice [0] Liechtenistan [1]


[1] Commerce Heights 7 6 1 0 20-6 19
[2] Iansisle 7 5 0 2 18-8 15
<3> Sarzonia 7 5 0 2 12-7 15
<4> Starblaydia 7 4 1 2 19-9 13
5- Giant Zucchini 7 4 0 3 12-13 12
6- Liechtenistan 7 1 1 5 6-15 4
7- Oceaice 7 1 0 6 7-14 3
8- Pure Evil 7 0 1 6 6-28 1

"Checking out the table and results, its easy to see that our one mistake has been against Sarzonia. If we can equal all our other results in the second-half of the Qualifiers and manage to beat the Sarzonians, we might even make the auto-Qualify spot."

MD01: Starblaydia 6-0 Pure Evil
MD02: Sarzonia 2-1 Starblaydia
MD03: Starblaydia 3-0 Oceaice
MD04: Liechtenistan 0-1 Starblaydia
MD05: Giant Zucchini 1-3 Starblaydia
MD06: Starblaydia 2-3 Iansisle
MD07: Commerce Heights 3-3 Starblaydia
NEXT: Pure Evil Vs Starblaydia


Starblaydia Goal Tally:
Player Goals Total Goals
-------------------------------------
S. Di Bradini 6 19
E. Hall 4 13
A. Ol-wairain 2 7
R. Di Bradini 2 4
J.J. Stark 2 4
C. Salisbury 1 3
S. Hill 1 2
V. Tsarev 1 2

Jeruselem Government News

Lions survive while D2R funk up

The Bedistans Lions predictably won their game against Jeruselem, but it was far from convincing. The 2-0 win gave the Lions the three points but several of their players copped yellow cards in the 1st half due their aggressive approach to the game. The win put the Lions 1st while Jeruselem fell back to 4th.

Krytenia gave Lovisa a scare holding them to a 2-2 draw and proved themselves capable of making an impact. Dance 2 Revolution handed the Vorpal Bunnies a 4-0 hiding to take 3rd spot in a less than even game where the Bunnies earned their name. Spurland fell to the Trojans in a major upset 3-1 and failed to capitalise on the situation.


Group 8:
Bedistan [2] Jeruselem [0]
Lovisa [2] Krytenia [2]
Dance 2 Revolution [4] Vorpal Bunnies [0]
Spurland [1] Carthage and Troy [3]

---Group 8----
[1] Bedistan 7 6 0 1 17-5 18
[2] Lovisa 7 5 1 1 20-8 16
<3> Dance 2 Revolution 7 4 0 3 12-8 12
<4> Jeruselem 7 4 0 3 11-12 12
5- Krytenia 7 3 2 2 12-8 11
6- Spurland 7 2 1 4 6-9 7
7- Carthage and Troy 7 2 0 5 12-19 6
8- Vorpal Bunnies 7 0 0 7 4-25 0

THE HERALD SPORTS DIGEST

Pardon The Interruption

AFTER a full-scale evacuation of the country, the HSD is now back in print, which means we can give you a shakedown of the four games played by the Celestials since our last edition.

Matchday Four was a total washout. Tired Krytenians and uninspired Spurland players (whose squad includes AFC Westleigh's Jon Lewis) led to a dull, defensive game. SPU 0-0 KRY

The new, FIFA resident Krytenia does not currently have a stadium, so common land on the outskirts of new capital Everton City is currently being used - a new stadium will be built in the city centre, but will not be ready until WC18. This is where Matchday Five was played, but despite an Ari Smith strike, the lack of noise affected the Celestials, and they were brushed aside by Jeruselem. KRY 1-2 JER

Matchday Six opponents Bedistan had trouble finding "Fugeela Field" as the locals are calling the temporary ground. They did not appear focused, and an unusually defensive Celestials team defeated them with a Colin Ulvæus strike. KRY 1-0 BED

And so, to Matchday Seven. A trip to Lovisa is a difficult proposition at the best of times, but with the country still recovering from plane and ship journeys of a month ago, more travelling was not ideal. This was soon forgotten though when Stephen Xousa put the Celestials in front. Though Lovisa equalised, then took the lead, the Krytenian side equalised through a goal from sub Trent Dubilasco Jr, son of the U21 manager, to steal a point.

LOVISA - 2
Lunz 37, Lem 61

KRYTENIA - 2
Xousa 11, Dubilasco 77

Referee: T. Oaker (OAK) - Good game, largely invisible. RATING: 7


SCORERS:
Colin ULVÆUS - 4
Ari SMITH - 3
Stephen XOUSA - 2
Ryan CAREW - 1
Acienko RIMMER - 1
Trent DUBILASCO Jr - 1

H v Carthage & Troy W 3-0 (Ulvaeus, Carew, Rimmer)
A v Vorpal Bunnies W 4-1 (Ulvaeus 2, Xousa, Smith)
H v Dance 2 Revolution L 1-3 (Smith)
A v Spurland D 0-0
H v Jeruselem L 1-2 (Smith)
H v Bedistan W 1-0 (Ulvæus)
A v Lovisa D 2-2 (Xousa, Dubilasco Jr)
A v Carthage & Troy
H v Vorpal Bunnies
A v Dance 2 Revolution
H v Spurland
A v Jeruselem
A v Bedistan
H v Lovisa

http://www.dirt-racing.com/3wide/sites/vilita/vn/tn/logo.gif

Turori [0]-[0] Rejistania

Sen-La-Sa~o Relekhati Stadium, KaMaRi kali, Rejistania
----------------------------------------


-------------------The Turori Eels arrived for the first time in Rejistania home of World #2 side the Rejistania Orange-Blues. The Eels, 45 ranks behind Rejistania in the World Standings, knew they needed to keep up the momentum gained by defeating Gesamtkuntswerk if they were to make a charge for qualification to the World Cup Finals. They arrived at a packed Sen-La-Sa~o Relekhati Stadium in KaMaRi kali, the first time during the cup that they were greeted by a full home-support from their Opposition. The Eels made no changes from their team that was able to be Gesamtkuntswerk, while in the Rejistanian lineup, a familiar face to many Eels would be Colonial Sile's Rejistanian Defender Kadu Hsen.

-------------------Referee Sergeit Ivanov from Tadjikistan signalled for the match to begin and both sets of fans arose in expectation of a great match. As expected, Rejistania looked to be the stronger side from the start, some impressive work from Acosta Browms Nxeni Venu. The 28 year old Rejistanian captain working well to break inside the area before Druida-based Martika Ecspo cleared out for a corner. The ensuing Rejistanian corner was headed towards goal from a towering Syku Lyku, but Milauo Slietah was up to the moment and gathered the ball, quickly distributing it out to Cuolia Tuirma, who began a counter attack the other way. Tuirma played a ball the Jualiar Vumaou was able to collect, but Kansu Xana intervened and stopped the Eels storming attack.

-------------------Ivanov handed out his first Yellow Card of the match to Eels defender Kiatin Likao 5 minutes from half time. Likao brought down Rejistania's Lyku Ju inside the area, and the Tadjikistani Ref quickly pointed to the spot, before cautioning Likao for his part. Alan City's Hiki Suny surprisingly stepped up to take the kick, but the midfielder was haunted by his Belmorian lifestyle, sending the keeper the wrong way only to watch his effort sail agonisingly into the crowd to the right of the goal. It would be the last major incident of the half, and the score remained goalless after 45 minutes.










Referee: Sergeit Ivanov [Tadjikistan]



Turori Eels (4-4-2) ::
[GK] Milauo Slietah, [D] Linoi Niabula, [D] Marlian Hunial, [D] Martika Ecspo, [D]Kiatin Likao [M] Tika Poloni, [M] Malaino Mumamba, [M] Yabaiy Tbaiao, [M] Cuolia Tuirma, [F] Jualiar Vumaou, [F] Akamoari Liano
BENCH::
[GK] Jarod Dreka, [D] Maratima Tareak, [AM] Kabaofo Iobabao, [U] Ugo Doohan, [M] Rikko Ambama, [F] Mika Sakatorra [F] Nikki Inostraza


----------------------------------------
RESULTS AND OTHER INFORMATION
----------------------------------------


All Turori Home matches to be at:: Almintora National Stadium, Almintora, Turori (Unless Otherwise Noted)

Turori::[6-0]-Ravea
Turori::[1-2]@Haperd
Turori::[0-1]-Eystrck
Turori::[2-2]@Pedriana
Turori::[0-2]@One Red Dot
Turori::[2-1]-Gesamtkuntswerk
Turori::[0-0]@Rejistania
Turori::[X-X]@Ravea
Turori::[X-X]-Haperd
Turori::[X-X]@Eystrck
Turori::[X-X]-Pedriana
Turori::[X-X]-One Red Dot
Turori::[X-X]@Gesamtkuntswerk
Turori::[X-X]-Rejistania



--------------------------------------------------------------------
Ao1b(8 ............... OouYvaiVYaqkBWjwIIOB ............. 001092019726X9

Stars ready to be rude hosts

WOODSTOCK (ASP) -- The Sarzonian national team began the final stages of its preparations for the return match against group top seed Commerce Heights by staging a practice on the grounds of Hendrix Stadium. The team said it wanted to hold the match in the large stadium in an effort to create a "hostile environment" for the group's top team.

"Look at this stadium," forward Brian Wilson said. "It's huge. There's almost 80,000 seats here and that roof holds in the noise, so even if we have a quarter of that, it sounds like a full stadium."

Tickets sold out within five minutes of their going on sale, as phone lines and the Internet were all reporting unusually high traffic on the day of the sale. The team is encouraging fans to bring noisemakers and wreak as much havoc as possible in an effort to disrupt Commerce Heights.

But the fans don't seem to need much encouragement.

"This is easily the biggest peacetime event in our country's history," said Admiral Marcus Patinkin, who will attend the match. "It doesn't get any better than hosting a world class football match in a world class stadium in Woodstock."

The Stars lost the opening match 2-0 away to Commerce Heights, but they swear things will be different this time.

"We were playing with a new centre back who had never played with us then," Woodstock Mail sports columnist Candi Barker said. "Now, Corey Hemby has played a full seven matches with the team and with Lance Alcina and Emacio in the lineup, the back line has much better chemistry than it did. And [goalkeeper] Troy Perkins is having a great campaign.

"This should be a fun match."

Le LIBRE

Les Bleus viennent pour Les Bleus

The final match of the first half of qualifying finally arrived, as Les Bleus were hoping to end on a high note, as they faced off against Melmond at Le Stade d’Eauz in Zuka. On paper, everyone was writing off Melmond, as all experts expected Eauz to win this match. Thus for Melmond, it would be an uphill battle to win this match. Apparently though that night, it was reported that the Earth, NationStates and Germany were all aligned in the same line, which was expected to be universal bad luck. No one really cared much about this myth as they wrote it off saying “It is just a big joke and conspiracy, anyways; this “Germany” you speak of does NOT exist!” Just before the match started, a singer from Melmond was expected to sing the national anthem, but rather decided to give a speech on how “supposedly” Liberalism and free market capitalism is good and that Socialism is bad. Most of the crowd booed the speech, with a few people convinced by the propaganda lies of that speech. Les Bleus were as usual on the attack early, trying to put pressure on the Melmond squad. Eauz got some shots off, with a majority of them being blocked by Snhp Xtfuinxm. 20 minutes had passed and Les Bleus, despite all the attacking, had nothing to show for it. The “supposed” stellar defence of Melmond and the dumb speech was starting to affect the mental part of the Eauz game. The Frustration mounted as during a Melmond corner kick, Thorain got in a scuffle with a Melmond player. People questioned the Northbank’s referee’s call, but Thorain was given a red card during the 23rd minute of play. This left Eauz done 1 player. A free kick was awarded, only to be saved by Rousoi. Despite this, 13 minutes later, another red card was given out to this time Alia who had provoked an attack on him. A yellow card was given to the Melmond player. The matched looked to be well played on both sides early, but during extra time of the first half, a long shot was taken, being saved by Rousoi, but he was unable to hold onto the ball, which was deflected to a Melmond player, who kicked the ball in to the net. Melmond went up 1 – 0 at the end of the first half.

The frustrated Eauz team was starting to tire of the losing and tying streak. Rousoi seemed though to be on his game, as he was able to stop an onslaught of Melmond attacks. Unfortunately when the rest of the team is not playing at top performance, the keeper will not be able to do much. During the 60th minute of play, as the Eauz defence fell apart and the Melmond player chipped the ball over the diving Rousoi, giving Melmond a 2 – 0 lead. The Crowed was stunned and at a loss of words. They had no clue how their national team could lose to such a hard-knock-team as Melmond. All the jokes about Melmond stopped for the moment, as the fans realized that the Melmond team was giving Eauz a royal as kicking. The final Melmond goal came from a free kick just outside of the penalty zone. The player took the shot, putting it in the top right corner of the net. Melmond went up 3 – 0 at the 70th minute, and were looking to be in command. Les Bleus put on a few weak attacks, but resulted in nothing. Les Bleus and their fans were embarrassed in their own backyard. Once the match was over, the Eauz coach went to speak with the Northbank referee Peter Collins, about some of the questionable calls. It appeared the frustration had got to the Eauz coach as Collins suspended him from the next match for arguing with the referee. With all the frustration and now the coach suspended for the next match.

Alas, the first half of the qualifying round is over, and it does not look good for Les Bleus, as they fell down to 3rd place leaving them with 13 points out of a toal 21. No one is sure about the team, as it appears they just can’t seem to get themselves organized. Experts though blame the fact that Eauz started off weak at the beginning, and never looked to be extremely powerful at any time. Les Bleus will have to rethink their strategy for the second half of the match.

The next match for Les Bleus will come against The Evil Umpire who last time, found it to be very easy, as a lot of the team is inbred and quite often had trouble actually putting on any attacks. Les Bleus will hope to use this match to get themselves back on their feet and back to success. A victory here will also put some room between Eauz and The Evil Umpire. Les Bleus will also have to hope that Melmond’s performance against Les Bleus was in fact a fluke, due to the many calls, as Melmond will face off against Insane Inflation who proved to be a bit of a challenge against Les Bleus.


---Group 3----
[1] Spaam 7 6 0 1 22-9 18
[2] Melmond 7 4 2 1 16-7 14
<3> Eauz 7 4 1 2 16-10 13
<4> The Evil Umpire 7 4 0 3 14-12 12
5- Slaikau 7 3 1 3 8-14 10
6- Oaker 7 2 2 3 11-9 8
7- Insane Inflation 7 1 1 5 8-16 4
8- Qia 7 0 1 6 7-25 1


Schedule

Match Day 1: The Evil Umpire @ Eauz W 0 – 3
Match Day 2: Eauz @ Slaikau W 2 – 0
Match Day 3: Qia @ Eauz W 1 – 4
Match Day 4: Eauz @ Insane Inflation W 4 – 2
Match Day 5: Spaam @ Eauz L 2 – 1
Match Day 6: Eauz @ Oaker T 2 – 2
Match Day 7: Melmond @ Eauz L 3 – 0
Match Day 8: Eauz @ The Evil Umpire
Match Day 9: Slaikau @ Eauz
Match Day 10: Eauz @ Qia
Match Day 11: Insane Inflation @ Eauz
Match Day 12: Eauz @ Spaam
Match Day 13: Oaker @ Eauz
Match Day 14: Eauz @ Melmond


P.S Melmond… Thanks for rubbing it in again and again. :)

Weegie Washout
The rain in 'slavia falls mainly on the gameAudioslavia
----------------------------------------------
| 1 |
| Fenwick |
| 4 5 20 |
| 6 Romanov Rep Johnstone 3 |
| O`Brien O`Rourke |
| 8 |
| 7 Tanner |
| Johansen 11 |
| 14 Jaynes |
| Marriot |
| |
| 9 |
| Bracken |
----------------------------------------------
| |
| 10 11 |
| Lindau Rourke |
| |
| 6 7 8 9 |
| McDonald Thompson McCann Larsson |
| |
| |
| 2 3 4 5 |
| McCarg Da.Fulton De.Fulton Cargill |
| |
| 1 |
| Eriksson |
| |
----------------------------------------------
The Weegies
In torrential downpour, Audioslavia and The Weegies played out an eventless, scoreless bore last night.

Despite both team's goal-welcoming record in recent times (twenty goals have been scored in all of the two games Audioslavia and The Weegies played before yesterday). Neither side could muster up a goal, with Audioslavia winning only three corners in the whole game to The Weegies' one.

The best chance of the game fell to Audioslavian substitute James Laver in the seventy-seventh minute, but the young striker struck his shot wide.

FINAL SCORE
AUDIOSLAVIA 0-0 THE WEEGIES

---Group 4----
[1] Squornshelous 7 6 0 1 21-6 18
[2] Cockbill Street 7 5 0 2 13-10 15
<3> Audioslavia 7 4 1 2 15-10 13
<4> Ebon Hawk 7 3 2 2 9-12 11
5- The Weegies 7 2 1 4 8-9 7
6- Magnus Valerius 7 2 1 4 6-12 7
7- Isles Of Wohlstand 7 1 2 4 10-14 5
8- Big Pimento 7 1 1 5 4-13 4

The anti-goal climate wasnt just seen in Audioslavia, it was echoed throughout group four, with just six goals being scored in all four games, four of those goals happening in the Wohlstand - Ebon Hawk match which finished 2-2.

Nevertheless, the weekend threw up one surprise as the as-yet undefeated and unbeatable Squornshelous played host to Cockbill Street and managed to be defeated by a solitary Rikki Stone goal. The result means Squornshelous' lead drops from six to three points over The Street who move up into second place. Audioslavia drop to third, two points behind Cockbill Street whilst Ebon Hawk struggle on in fourth, a further two points adrift.

The draw means, at this half-way stage, The Weegies are drifting helplessly out in joint-fifth place, four points out of the playoffs and eight points out of automatic qualification. They share their place with Magnus Valerius who saw Big Pimento off with another one-nil scoreline. Wohlstand and Big Pimento remain out of the running on just five and four points respectively.

Jaffacake's team-by-team half-way analysis

SQUORNSHELOUS
Squornshelous won their first six games at a canter and, despite that shocking 0-1 scoreline at home to Cockbill Street, the Stupidheads look certain to qualify. Out of the remaining possible 21 points, they need 16 to be 99% certain of staying ahead of Cockbill Street and Audioslavia. Although they might slip up in the coming weeks, the chances are they'll still be comfortable by crunch-time.
Points needed for definite automatic qualification: 17/21
Points needed for definite playoff-place: 11/21
Prediction: 1st place

COCKBILL STREET
The Streetians have been far from spectacular in their rise to second place, but still remain comfortable after five wins from seven. Their only losses have the campaign have been interesting, the first a 2-1 defeat away to unranked and unfashionable bottom side Big Pimento, the second a shocking 5-2 home loss to Audioslavia. Cockbill Street have out-performed most of group four and find themselves deservedly sitting in an automatic qualification spot, one they'll expect to have to fight for with Audioslavia, and possibly Ebon Hawk and The Weegies
Points needed for definite auto-qual: 20/21
Points needed for definite playoff place: 14/21
Prediction: 3rd place


AUDIOSLAVIA
The 'slaves have been patchy so far, being defeated narrowly by Ebon Hawk and horrifically by Squornshelous, the side also failed to defeat The Weegies who were in the middle of an awful one-win-in-five run. After close scrapes with The Isles of Wohlstand and Big Pimento, Audioslavia will need to sort themselves up if they want to have a realistic chance of qualifying. Older fans will remember the last time they entered a playoff with bad memories of the two-one defeat by Moyk... coincidently happening just a few months after conceding four against Squornshelous.
Points behind auto-qualification: 2
Points needed for definte playoff place: 16/21
Prediction: 2nd place

]EBON HAWK
Ebon Hawk have been the suprise package so far, not only in their fourth-placing and defeats of The Weegies and Audioslavia, the side have performed best away from home, taking all their wins whilst travelling and snatching draws away from home. Ebon Hawk have bounced back brilliantly after their 6-1 mauling by Squornshelous on the opening day of the qualifiers, and thoroughly deserve to have a commanding lead over the 'rest'. EH will have to be wary of getting complacent, with matches against the big-four to come, starting with them playing host to newly-dethroned Squornshelous.
Points behind auto-qualification: 4
Points needed for definte playoff place: 18/21
Prediction: 5th place


THE WEEGIES
With just two wins, eight goals and seven points from seven games, The Weegies downfall seems to be continuing after their failure to make World Cup 16. Despite the new-look young side and an opening-day mauling of Big Pimento, the side have struggled to perform against the weaker sides and, unsuprisingly, have been helpless in front of the other big sides, coming cropper to two three-one defeats to Squornshelous and Cockbill Street and drawing with Audioslavia. The Weegies have now got to face off against the four lesser-known sides with added pressure of knowing that only about ten points from the possible twelve will give them a realistic chance of automatic qualification, lying as they are eight points from second place.
Points behind auto-qual: 8
Points behind playoff place: 4
Prediction: 4th place

MAGNUS VALERIUS[/b]
Magnus Valerius are in the same posistion as the weegies, but possibly dont have the strength and depth of their more famous counterparts. Despite Magnus Valerius's continued involvement and useful experience in world cup football, they still dont appear to be too close to bothering the top 32
Points behind auto-qual: 8
Points behind playoff place: 4
Prediction: 6th place

THE ISLES OF WOHLSTAND
Wohlstand have always been stronger than the average new nation, mainly thanks to the discipline of the players and of course, the threat of execution if they lose. Wohlstand's only win so far has come against Magnus Valerius, with their other two points being creditable draws with Ebon Hawk and Big Pimento. After a shocking winless start to the campaign, Wohlstand's team are coming together and, although they stand an outside chance of bothering The Weegies, MV and Ebon Hawk, the side can't be expected to get within range of qualifying.
Points behind auto-qual: 10
Points behind playoff place: 6
Prediction: 7th place

BIG PIMENTO
The group's only new-boys were bound to have a tough time, until the unfancied side gave Cockbill Street a run for their money and beat them 2-1 at the death, away from home. Since then Big Pimento have been an interesting side to watch to say the least. They went a goal up against Audioslavia only to concede defeat in the dying minutes, gained a creditable draw against Isles Of Wohlstand but ultimately failed to get the winning touch in their other matches. Their recent narrow one-nil defeat to Magnus Valerius is something to build on, but Big Pimento will struggle to be a force in the near future. However, with promising up-and-coming youth players coming through the ranks, BP's future looks bright.

Points behind auto-qual: 11
Points behind playoff place: 7
Prediction: 8th place

(Port Stallman, Psytroxia - on a hot, rainy, tropical day):

"Oi, I know that guy!" exclaimed the Streetian ambassador, Robert Franks, upon looking at a newspaper stand.

"Who?" said his friend, Tiku Kansu, a Rejistanian who was working with the Streetian embassy on some complex foreign trade issues. "Oh no...not that man again. Are you still chasing him?"

"Yes, of course!" Franks said. "He's a traitor to our great nation!"

"Your eyesight is poor then. The man has been trying to hide in a tree up by the Fortuna Stallman Stadion for the last two or three years," Tiku replied.

"Um...I never watch Fortuna Stallman play..."

"You did last year, when that dwarf team of yours...gah, can't even say the name..."

"Ish-noh-goht Kh-drooz-bah. Come on, it's one of the simpler names! Compared to Senlahseo Relecatti or whatever..." You could hear the distaste in his voice as he tried to pronounce it.

"Don't evade the point. You were there in the stadium."

"Yes, of course, but I watched the match! After all, it's not often Ish-noh-goht wins 8-0, is it?" Franks said with a certain satisfaction

"No, but you know Fortuna are...ox-excreta." Tiku struggled with the word.

"Anyway, back to this Siki Rej bloke. You know where to find him?"

"Come on! I told you he watches every match. He depends on football the way your...Hexatux, was it?...craves caffeine. Just go and have a look into every tree."

"Nah, we've got secret service to do that."

"Your secret service has been on the look-out for three years, and you still didn't know he was here...while all you had to do was show pictures on the street to Psytroxians?"

"There are a lot of countries in the world..." his voice trailed off.

"Yes, but not that many who would take in a Rejistanian," Tiku answered.

"Surely not? They are peaceful people?"

"They are also equally football crazy as the Streetians. Surely one of the two only peoples in the world who would persecute a person for murder after he told the other team how to beat them."

"He did cause a lot of suicides."

"People who kill themselves because of a U-21 result deserves it. Anyway, it was very indirect. You might as well sue Jetta'he for murder."

"We have. We're just not as keen on getting him, as he has diplomatic immunity."

"Diplomatic immunity? He's the under-21 coach!"

"Exactly. We wouldn't dream of arresting football coaches while working."

"Strange people, you are."

"Anyway, I have to get back to the embassy. Meet up later for a drink eh?"

"Sure."

---

(Fortuna Stallman Stadion, Saturday match versus some poor H1SP team.)

Another mer'slani mismatch, Siki Rej thought. Why can't there at least be more than two good teams in the H1SP? Now Fortuna are leading 4-0 and they're still playing poor football. Even I could be a coach there...

Someone gave him a slap on the shoulder. "Afternoon, Mr Rej," said a tall man dressed in a black coat and suit.

Siki startled, and almost yelled back "Who the mer'slani **** are you?".

"Take it easy, Mr Rej. We've come here to make a deal."

"A deal? I don't want any deal unless I know who I am dealing with."

"That is not necessary. We know, however, that you are partial to a bit of these..." The tall man waved with a bunch of lil'kansu'ny in front of his nose.

"Where did you get that?"

"Again, that is not necessary knowledge. We just want you to fix something, then leave, and not tell anyone about it."

"Why?"

"Because, in our country, it is politically incorrect to say that we have talked to you. However, we need your help."

"What have you fed Hexatux now? Beans and decaf?"

"Very droll, Mr Rej. If the C-mail get news of this, we're dead. Seriously. So just stay quiet while I..." <snap>

---

Siki woke up in a cell illuminated by a very tiny stream of light coming through a window far up on the wall. Apart from that, there was a bench in the corner, and a glass of water. He immediately thought of hammering on the door asking to be let out, but thought better of it. After all, this was supposed to be a secret operation, so they probably had their reasons. How could he have been so stupid as to not get the lil'kansu'ny beforehand? These people would clearly do anything to prevent him from getting the money, even though he would go there and do his job.

Siki was conscious for a long time, sitting on the floor and twiddling his thumbs while wondering what could have gone wrong with Hexatux. Obviously, that idiot Pickaxe who had been sticking up and trying to learn all the codes had been at it - funny, at the time he left Total n Utter Insanity Siki could have sworn that dwarf couldn't see the difference between Java and Pascal, let alone the special Hexatux-output-code he invented along with the other Karelan researchers.

His thought process was interrupted by the door slamming open and the light from the corridor outside smacking him in the face. He flinched and turned his face away from the door. A couple of seconds later, his eyes had readjusted, and he slowly turned back to notice that the corridor really wasn't much brighter than his cell.

"Good afternoon, Mr Rej. I trust you are doing well?" a polite female voice said.

"It's a bit damp here, and I've been waiting for quite some time, but apart from that, I am fine," Siki replied.

"Yes, sorry about the waiting. Our man struggled a bit with the correct dose and you should really have been knocked out until now. Any idea how long you've been awake?"

"You haven't supplied me with a watch here, so it is a bit hard to judge," Siki answered sarcastically.

"Of course. Follow me, if you would, sir."

The woman led Siki through what seemed like endless corridors, each littered with gloomy oil lamps that hardly gave off any light whatsoever. After what seemed like watching Karela lines play a cup match, except that you would have to walk around their pitch as additional punishment, the woman knocked on a door with a sign "Danger. Maths-and-logic-operators at large."

A dwarf with a worn look, a coffee cup in his hand and an untrimmed beard opened the door. Siki Rej recognised him at once. So, it seemed, did the dwarf, as he muttered some incomprehensible words in dwarfish under his breath.

"Not him," he muttered.

"Hroar, you know we have no choice. The team is playing poorly, Hexatux is gobbling, even extra doses of caffeine doesn't help. Come to your senses."

"I'dh'garadha!! All right..."

"I feel left out of the conversation," Siki burst out. "What am I really supposed to do?"

"Um...sorry, Mr Rej," the woman said. "It's just that this person here refuses to see sense and let you help him with the...machine."

"He destroyed our chances the last time around!" Hroar shouted.

"Listen, Hroar."

"Oh, you two know each other," the woman burst in."

"Yes, and we're not having a tea party, and I think I know what this room contains, so can you please just go away?"

"No chance. I'm here to give you the money afterwards."

"Why don't you just give it to me now," he asked. "Solves the problems all around."

"Mr Rej, we said we needed your help. We never said we trusted you."

Siki pondered this statement for a second. Given his current situation, trapped in a maze of poorly lit corridors, he decided to go along with it. He had little choice if he wanted to get out of here, he thought.

"All right," he said. "Where is my daughter?"

"Um...in Rejistania, I assume, sir?" the woman said.

"Not my biological daughter, of course. My creation! My life!" The woman and the dwarf backed away from him slightly.

"It is in this room, sir," she said.

Siki forced his way over Hroar and into the room. This one was even darker than the cell - the only thing which reflected light was Hroar's white coffee cup, standing beside the output tray. And then, he saw the blinking lights of Hexatux - and there was a lot. Every single error light that could possibly be on - plus a few that said everything was all right - was blinking furiously, with a frequency shorter than the reaction time of an average Streetian football fan after a goal. Siki almost shouted with anger. It looked as though he had to disassemble the whole machine to find out what was really wrong.

"Miss, could you step outside for a minute? I have some...private business to tend to with this dwarf," he said.

"I repeat, no, Mr Rej. We can not allow you to be alone with Streetian citizens."

"Fair enough. Cover your ears then, please." What followed was an immense array of swearwords, in Rejistanian, English, Java, dwarfish (Siki had picked up some from Hroar and his friends during the 2-2 second round match with Raptor Claw in the U21 two years ago), Haijire-Seleke, and any other language he could think of on the spur of the moment. After a couple of minutes, he ran out of breath, and the woman rushed in with a word. "Please, Mr Rej. I understand your frustration, but it is vital that you get to work immediately. Time is running out, and with it, your lil-cansoh-ni."

"Lil'kansu'ny," he muttered. "Okay. I will try. But do not expect miracles. Oh, and I need statistics from the Streetian league from about, six years back. Quickly. And video tapes of the games."

"They are all in the cupboard over there. But what are these video tapes you speak of?"

"Slani! I forgot you have no technology in this hole. All right, just give me the C-mail for the last couple of years as well. Hurry, Hroar!"

"Yes, sir," Hroar said, subdued. He realised that he had now, finally, lost all his chance of becoming a national coach - that's what he had effectively been for the past couple of years, after Hexatux's final breakdown before the Eagles' Cup. It was back again to where it was at the Under-21...that terror of a man ordering him around like some sort of general, while working his magic on the computer.

---

(four hours later. The match in Squornshelous is now only half an hour away).

"Mr Rej, finish, please! We need the orders now!" the woman said. Her earlier calm and control had evaded her as the clock ticked down towards time zero.

"Miss, I can not guarantee that these will ensure a Streetian victory! I assume I will not get my money otherwise?"

"You will certainly not get any money from us if we don't get orders! The team would be in control of Rikki Stone then..." she was visibly shaking now.

"All right." He pressed a few buttons, collected some sheets of paper from the output tray, and gave it to her. "Just do not blame me if it goes wrong. May I leave now?"

"Not so fast, Mr Rej..." <snap>

---

(Squornshelous, half an hour later. A Karela-lines match began. Rikki Stone scored a goal through a keeper fluke where Hans Stumpel managed to concede it into his own net, and Jonathan Havell for once played a good game in the net).

EL CID NEWS.
NEWS YOU CAN USE.

sports news

El Cid the Hero Sues Kingsford

http://ohiocoaster.com/wapahkonetafootballlogo.GIF

El Cid Mraches all over Braves

The latest Wapahkonee match didn't fare too well. "I don't think that we were beat, necessarily. It was more like we scored less." Commented the coach.

The game started off well. Wapahkoneta were well accepted coming out of the locker room. But things went downhill after that. The home crowd just adored the moment when the aptly named "el cids teem" came out of the locker room and too the pitch. Many jeering comments were heard, such as "lets mrach" and "weel beet tehm!" were heard from the stands. The referee, Trevor Stalin, signaled that the el cids teem would take the ball first.

Much to the Wapahkonee's suprise, teem capatain Terry Nevile grabbed the ball with his "hnads" (according to an El Cid news report later that night) and ran down the field. The Wapahkonee players were waiting for a whistle, but none ever came, and the teem capatain Terry Nevile dove into the "gaol" making the score 1-0.

There was much protest from the Wapahkonee players when the el cids teem were given the ball again to kick off. Apparently mentally ill player Panaglotis Keisl, covered in drool, "pciked" off a good kick late in the half. It wasn't necessarily a good kick, just the braves thought it to be the better part of dignity to let the retards play. The "hlaf" ended and el cids teem led the Braves 2-0.

The second "hlaf" started off when the Braves were finally given the ball. Clever Wapahkonee forward Nawahtahtha decided to pull the same idea that the teem capatain Nevile used to get a gaol, but before kicking off and touching the ball, Stalin issued Nawahtahtha a red card for precognated murder.

Stalin then issued all but the Wapahkonee keeper, Ationokonee, a red card, all before the second "hlaf" had commenced. One the game started back up, Ationokonee managed to kick a good long ball, and the el cids teem were all seizuring, not able to stop the ball. Stalin was too busy reading the communist manifesto otherwise he would've called the ball back. He disallowed 8 more goals this way.

Though only two balls went past Ationokonee, the score for some outlandish reason at the end of the match was 5-1. Apparently, goals were awarded for good mraching style. Ationokonee didn't know how to mrach, so his 8 goals were called off. The technical score should've been 9-1, however, Stalin heavily favored the professional teem mrachers, and the final score was:

EL CID THE HERO - 5 (Nevile, Keisl, Stalin, Stalin, Stalin)
Wapahkoneta - 1 (Ationokonee)

With that, Wapahkoneta had decided to book a more favorable referee for the next home match. Though they had really won, to the eyes of the world, they had been mrached all over.

It was this article from one of Kingsford's newspapers that has prompted a lawsuit to be mounted. In terms of discrimination against those with dyslexia they have a good chance of bleeding Kingford dry as the editor who wrote the original article is head of the El Cid Dyslexia Institute with may very prominent and rich supporters of the team. Magrat Daniels, the Minister for sport of the El Cid Cabinet has given the following statement " i am both shocked and ashamed that Kingford would allow the publishing of such an inflammatry article. Just because of a few spelling mistakes they have stereotyped the Cids Lions as mentally deficient and we cannot tolerate such blatant discrimination. I will make sure that heads in the Kingford camp will roll and that the writer of this disgusting piece of hate mail will be forced to resign".

The KaMaRi Update has a new column, which hopefully becomes a regular feature: From the view of a fan. As the name indicates, Your perspective is important: write how You saw the match. For any report, printed here, we pay 10,000 lil'kansu'ny (ooc: less than 10 USD)

Go, Yellow-Blues!

Why are the national team the Orange-Blues at all? I mean, orange makes you think of teams like Hetkali Junis, or maybe Sike Junis, who suck royally, but despite this play an attacking style of football, a style which gives you something to cheer about. With Laxtu Takil, the national team became the Yellow-Blues, rather than the Orange-Blues. Yellow after the infamous Karela Lines as well as Kalisimu Salan. I was in the stadium, even though I don't know why I follow the matches at all. The first matches gave room for hope, but then LaxTa again played defensive, first against Gesamt... well, you know which team I mean, and then against Turori as well.
The worst decision (besides letting Laxtu "68 points" Takil coach the Orange-Blues) was that Suny'he took the penalty! Hsenu Kira, Tuade Lue or even Ninu Juru have a better record concerning penalties. Before you flame me or the Update, it is right: Juru has a 100% record regarding penalties in his club I Jesejil Kaletri (1 penalty kick in the match against Sike). I can only hope, that the Orange-Blues will play better soccer in the next matches, or at least rename themselves to Yellow-Blues, so the fans are warned.
(Veja Jajira, 52, Hanin kalesa)

...it was a great match

Warning: Maybe maybe I am a bit biased, because I am from Karela, but as far as I understood this column, bias is tolerated.

I was in SLS R as part of the home fans (even though, I never would have thought, that I might say this). The mood in the stadium was even better than when the Lines play there, Turorians are apparently as fanatic as Rejistanians when their team is concerned. The match was simply fantastic: The Orange-Blues cleared chance after chance of the Turorians. Dini Y, Xenra Ji in top form and even though I don't like the fact that Sasi left Rejistania for Alan City, it was an event to see him play. Unfortunately, the offense was unlucky. That is the reason why the score was only nil-all. But despite the score, it was a great match against a skilled opponent!
(Kansu Syku, 23, Karela kalesa)

Centurian game ends in the half-century win

D2R comfortably defeated Vorpal Bunnies in a match which celebrated their 100th International Match with their 50th International Win.

Maeda again started against the Bunnies with D2R fielding their full strength squad and using the Red and Cyan striped shirt that they used in their first ever international against Gaadland(which D2R won 3-1).

It didn't take D2R too long to make their mark on the bunnies, Maeda lobbing the bunny keeper, who couldn't hop high enough, on 3'.

On 19', Hentea was brought down and the spot was pointed to, Maeda ran to it and slotted the ball into the corner.

On 37', Maeda flicked the ball through a few defenders and managed a cheeky 1-2 with Van Mushruum to put himself through on goal, he converted to make it 3.

D2R just played about for a while, having shots from 30-40 yards not really making an effort and making due with the 3 goals. But on 67' a very ambitious 40 yard strike from Mushruum hit the bar and flew into the net.

Final Score
Dance 2 Revolution 4 (Maeda 3',19'<p>,37' Van Mushruum 67')
Vorpal Bunnies 0

And Here is D2R's stats over the last 100 games


P W D L GF GA GD
100 50 21 29 128 102 +26

Crystils time atop short lived

The Crystilakere Crystils could not hold on to the top spot in Group 6 long, crashing back to earth after a run of good results saw them sitting tall above the rest. The Crystils made one major change for their matches against Tanah Burung and Europa Brittania, with Midfielder Maurizio Cavallo being relegated to the bench for fan-favorite forward Reidulf Piao. With this change, the Crystils moved to a Defensive 3-4-3 formation. The Crystils were not used to this altered formation and it was clear from the start against Tanah Burung that they were unsettled. The Crystils were down 0-3 at half time, with the goals being attributed to a lack of communication and understanding throughout the team, and a generally poor performance from Krytenian referee Anders Frisk, who was booed off at the half by the Crystilakere support for his involvement in the 3rd Tanah Burung goal.

After half time, the Crystils looked more like the team that sat atop the table, producing attacking plays and pressuring the Tanah Burung keeper. They would finally breakthrough with 15 minutes to play when Carlo Romano scored to give the Crystils hope. Riccardo Vecchi came on in place of Sebastian Wolf and Crystilakere continued to dominate. Reidulf Piao gave the Crystilakere fans something to cheer about when he dribbled around 3 Tanah Burung players, only to shoot well wide of goal with his head in his hands. The fresh legs of Vecchi provided the next break for the Crystils, storming down the left wing Vecchi was able to cross deep into the area where Defender Filippo Ferraro was up from the back to bring Crystilakere within one. But with just 2 minutes left plus stoppage time, Tanah Burung held on to take all 3 points away from the Crystils. Crystilakere 2-3 Tanah Burung

The referee for the match was Anders Frisk from Krytenia

The Crystils moved on from their mixed performance at Tanah Burung, and named an identical side for the high profile match with group favorites Europa Brittania. The match started out quickly and the atmosphere in Europa Brittania was to be desired by any qualifying level World Cup venue. The two teams looked evenly matched in the opening 20 minutes. Referee Milaibao Toibna from Turori kept his whistle in his pocket for most of the opening period, allowing the two finals-chasing teams to battle it out for themselves. Toibna earned further praise from Crystilakere when he deservedly played advantage when Donato Arrigoni had been fouled before Sebastian Wolf collected to open the scoring with a lightning strike from 25 yards out. The young Crystil with the biggest goal of his International career, doing wonders to cement his place as a regular in the Crystilakere squad for the first time. The Crystils took a hard earned 1-0 lead into half time, where coach Hazem Emam dared to make a change in his lineup, taking out Oussent Nón in favor of the more defensive minded Dimitri Ferraro, brother of Filippo to again set the brothers in a defensive pairing on the International stage.

Dimitri looked shakey at the start of the second half and was guilty of a blatent foul inside the penalty area which Toibna had no choice but to award the home side a penalty kick. Europa Brittania's striker stepped up to send Emiliano Addis the wrong way and equalize. Just 5 minutes later, the Crystils found themselves behind after conceding a corner kick. The Crystils were un able to mark Europa Brittania's #15 who was able to make good connection with the ball to put Europa Brittania 2-1 up. Hazem Emam decided enough was enough, and made another change, bringing Maurizio Cavallo into the center of midfield for an extra distributing option. The change worked with just 8 minutes left as Cavallo played Reidulf Piao through on goal, and the rookie Forward equalized to keep the Crystils in the race at the top of Group 6. Crystilakere 2-2 Europa Brittania


The referee for the match was Milaibao Toibna from Turori

---Group 6----
[1] Raptor Claw 7 5 1 1 19-10 16
[2] Crystilakere 7 4 1 2 18-8 13
<3> Tanah Burung 7 4 1 2 15-10 13
<4> The Belmore Family 7 4 1 2 11-9 13
5- Europa Brittania 7 3 2 2 13-11 11
6- Dead Man 7 3 0 4 9-9 9
7- Omniworld 7 2 0 5 9-15 6
8- Mikele 7 0 0 7 3-25 0

COACH: Hazem Emam

GK Emiliano Addis
D Jules Hitoto
D Filippo Ferraro <- He Scores Headers Off Corners
D Donato Arrigoni
M Oussent Nón
M Darren Whelan
M Giuseppe Zucco*
M Sebastan Wolf
F Reidulf Piao*
F Carlo Romano
F Toader Pold*

SUBSTITUTES
GK- Gaetano Novello, Alwasi Tystrup*, Alcir Barbara*
D- Alejandro Ayala, Dimitri Ferraro, Francesco Schiavon*, Salvatore Redaelli*, Rene' Niljssen*, Abdelilah Escobar*
M- Maurizio Cavallo, Riccardo Vecchi, Paolo Gallo, Massimiliano Rosi*, Giovanni Quira*
F- Christian Benedetti, Benjamin Kuhn*, Michael Baker*

We are in the Executive Mansion in Columbia. It's quite a nice place. Something seems wrong, though. Oh yeah, there's no electricity. President Antwan Telman is fanning himself behind his desk, and he appears to be listening to a battery-operated radio. Let's listen...

"Meanwhile, in Yuba today, the Bedistan national team's quest for World Cup qualification went on as scheduled. This time it was Jeruselem who came to town. The Lions played in their standard 4-4-2 formation, only with a bit more attacking from the wings than usual. Also, Sven Cardinal was playing the role of starting forward in the place of the recently disappointing Benjamin Xi, benched by manager Barton. Cardinal scored the first goal of the game on a pass from Nick Yu in the 36th. Jeruselem looked to have equalized a couple minutes into first-half added time, but referee Wilson Moore of Tippman ruled it offside. The second half played out much the same, but Nick Yu would get the goal this time on a header from a Moses Harris corner. Bedistan took their three points happily.

In other Group 8 news, Lovisa managed only a draw today, so that means the Lions are back on top of the group with 18 points, two ahead of the now 5-1-1 Lovisa at the halfway mark. The next match is away at Dance 2 Revolution.

In other news, the Federal District is still cleaning up after as much as eight inches of rain..."

Starblaydia Placed 4th Halfway through Group 9 of the 17th World Cup Qualifiers
One point behind 2nd and 3rd in chase for the Second Spot.

The Lazerevski-Low-down on Group Nine:
Starblaydia Legend and now 2nd top International Goal-scorer for his country, Nikola "Laser" Lazerevski gives us his opinions on Group Nine so far.

The Unified Capitalizt States of Commerce Heights
Current Position: 1st
Predicted Position: 1st
World Rank: 10th
Region: Terranordalis
Laser's Comments: "They only dropped two points, and that was against Starblaydia. Which is good for Starblaydia, ovbiously. They're sure-fire on for the 1st Qualification spot."
If they were a cartoon character they'd be: Richie Rich. All the money in the World, but nobody really likes them and their peak was a few years back.
http://www.starblaydestudios.co.uk/Images/richie.jpg


The United Kingdom of Iansisle
Current Position: 2nd
Predicted Position: 3rd
World Rank: 14th
Region: NPIG
Laser's Comments: "Somehow they've taken the Second Spot, probably their victory over Starblaydia what did it. The Gits! Mocketh not our 5th Cherry Cup!"
If they were a cartoon character they'd be: Captain Caveman. Seemingly haven't done anything since the Ice Age, and are probably better off back in their own world.
http://www.starblaydestudios.co.uk/Images/caveman.jpg


The Stomping Grounds of Giant Zucchini
Current Position: 5th
Predicted Position: 4rd
World Rank: 32nd
Region: United Powers
Laser's Comments: "Severely under-performing, they're not even in the top four at the half-way point. You should expect a come-back, but then again, you should expect them to be higher at this point."
If they were a cartoon character they'd be: Killer Tomatoes. They look strange and nasty but just step on 'em and you'll be fine.
http://www.starblaydestudios.co.uk/Images/attackkillertomatoes.jpg


The Protectorate of Starblaydia
Current Position: 4th
Predicted Position: 2nd
World Rank: 46th
Region: Atlantian Oceania
Laser's Comments: "The statistics show Starblaydia deserve to be in fourth place but the performances don't. In fact, the only teams to take points off Starblaydia are the three above them. If we can rectify that then Qualification looks very possible."
If they were a cartoon character they'd be: Charlie Brown. Despite trying as really really really hard, the team always lets them down.
http://www.starblaydestudios.co.uk/Images/charliebrown.gif


The Incorporated States of Sarzonia
Current Position: 3rd
Predicted Position: 5th
World Rank: 49th
Region: Atlantian Oceania
Laser's Comments: "Slighty Over-acheiving thanks to their win over Starblaydia, Sarzonia should be put back down whre they belong by Starblaydia later on, plus will hopefully drop points to some lower teams."
If they were a cartoon character they'd be: Yu-Gi-Oh! A very new team thats been incredibly successful for some unknown reason. Probably down with the kids, innit.
http://www.starblaydestudios.co.uk/Images/yugioh.jpg


The Pirate's Cove of Oceaice
Current Position: 7th
Predicted Position: 7th
World Rank: 64th
Region: Stars
Laser's Comments: "Arr-Jim lad, they aren't going so well, me hearties. Splice the mainsail and prepare for a Cup O' Harmony, mayhaps."
If they were a cartoon character they'd be: Captain Pugwash. Dodgy Character-names aside, they're more like paper cut-outs on the pitch than actual players.
http://www.starblaydestudios.co.uk/Images/puggers.gif


The Humongous Nation of Liechtenistan
Current Position: 6th
Predicted Position: 6th
World Rank: (95th)
Region: Europe
Laser's Comments: "Plucky and determined, just not doing very well. With the effort they've put in a few more points are sure to come their way in their debut Qualifying Tournament"
If they were a cartoon character they'd be: Orko. Despite being innately likeable, they're still easily battered.
http://www.starblaydestudios.co.uk/Images/orko.jpg


The Nation of Pure Evil
Current Position: 8th
Predicted Position: 8th
World Rank: Non-Ranked (150th)
Region: World Socalist Alliance
Laser's Comments: "Purely Battered, more like, with only a single point to their name. Not much else to say here."
If they were a cartoon character they'd be: Kenny. They never say anything comprehensile and get continually wasted.
http://www.starblaydestudios.co.uk/Images/kenny.jpg


MD00: .::WC17 Qualifying Schedule :: Starblaydi Stadia
MD01: Starblaydia 6-0 Pure Evil
MD02: Sarzonia 2-1 Starblaydia
MD03: Starblaydia 3-0 Oceaice
MD04: Liechtenistan 0-1 Starblaydia
MD05: Giant Zucchini 1-3 Starblaydia
MD06: Starblaydia 2-3 Iansisle
MD07: Commerce Heights 3-3 Starblaydia
MD08: Pure Evil Vs Starblaydia @ TBA
MD09: Starblaydia Vs Sarzonia @ Silverlands, Corinth (55,000 Capacity, Corinthian Spirits)
MD10: Oceaice Vs Starblaydia @ TBA
MD11: Starblaydia Vs Liechtenistan @ Bekkside Stadium, Tabeck (32,000 Capacity, Tabeck FC)
MD12: Starblaydia Vs Giant Zucchini @ Foundation Road, Jhanna (75,000 Capacity, Iskara Daii)
MD13: Iansisle Vs Starblaydia @ TBA
MD14: Starblaydia Vs Commerce Heights @ Jader Barbahlo Stadium, Jhanna (94,000 Capacity, Jhanna City)

TGS National Sports Association.
International Football Team.

Press release: post MD 7 of World Cup 17.

It's an embrassing day to The Gulf States international football team as they lost to the team at the bottom of the Group 7 standings and likely newcomer to World Cup play - Adrasuarve. The 1-0 loss was pretty bad for The Gulf States team, but everyone on the team is looking forward to getting this behind them.

Captain of the team Francisco Cordova was quoted after the game: "We just didn't have any solid defense whatsoever. We were letting them hold onto the ball for minutes at a time. We were going into this game knowing we were the favorites and that we had more experience and the better world ranking. Then again, this team was just like our team a couple of World Cups ago. Looking for any win to boost morale and get a footing into the international competiton scene. Good luck with those guys, as long as they aren't competiting against us in a match or in the standings."

Team veteran David O'Connor was also quoted after the game: "It's a shame really. This World Cup, I was expecting that we'd be doing fairly good. I was hoping that we'd hit the halfway point with three wins and a middle of the standings position. That hasn't happened yet because we just haven't stepped up our gameplay. We need to improve on both sides of the ball. Don't get us wrong, we're practicing and getting better. But most of the rest of our group is fairly proficient at it already. So we got to catch up and make all the wins we get to not be sqaushes or freebies against newbies."

Heightsian
Capitalizt http://terranordalis.thirdgeek.com/images/smiles/icon_wink.gif

The Aeropag Tribune - No lies, just altered truth

World Cup Report - Matchday 7
Starblaydia @ Commerce Heights
YU-PO, NN - What appeared to be an easy seventh win for the Capitalizts turned out to be a cartoon-style comeback for Starblaydia, turning a 3-0 halftime lead to a 3-3 draw at the final whistle. The lead was easily obtained, with two simple Pound goals pounded in in the 14th and 24th minutes, and Pt Ounce making the lead 3-0 just before halftime, allowed by a questionable call of referee Valamit Samara of Turori involving §2,000 and 3,000 Starblaydian credits. Samara was seriously injured by Michael Hawthorne, who did not receive a red card due to an unspecified amount of credits. He was replaced by Marco Castellani of Esth, who happened to be at the game while on vacation. With the referee replaced, play continued. The Capitalizts soon found out that Castellani was not easily bribed, and lost large sums of simoleons in their attempts. Eomer Hall managed to make the score 3-1 in the 50th when the referee's so-called 'fairness' blinded him in making an offsides call. Roberto Di Bradini scored again in the 69th minute after Switzer was given an unfair yellow card when he allegedly 'tackled' a Starblaydian player (who actually tripped over one of the randomly-appearing bumps in the field created by Capitalizm's advanced RP-bonus machine). A similarly poor call led to a third goal in the 82nd minute by Simeone Di Bradini. With the clock ticking down, the Capitalizts tried bribery, extortion, threats, anything to get themselves one more goal, but it failed, and the game ended 3-3.

Note
The last issue of the Aeropag Tribune incorrectly stated that the previous record for most consecutive games won by a Commerce Heights team was 5. Former CHFF president George W. Bush claimed that the Bulldogs/Capitalizts had never won that many games in a row. In fact, the Bulldogs won 6 consecutive games in qualifying for World Cup 14, so the new record is only a tie.

Referee (first half): Valamit Samara [Turori] - 3
Referee (second half): Marco Castellani [Esth] - 8

Day Opponent Result
1 SARZONIA W 2-0
2 Oceaice W 1-0
3 LIECHTENISTAN W 3-1
4 Pure Evil W 7-1
5 IANSISLE W 1-0
6 Giant Zucchini W 3-1
7 STARBLAYDIA D 3-3
8 Sarzonia

[1] Commerce Heights 7 6 1 0 20-6 19
[2] Iansisle 7 5 0 2 18-8 15
<3> Sarzonia 7 5 0 2 12-7 15
<4> Starblaydia 7 4 1 2 19-9 13
5- Giant Zucchini 7 4 0 3 12-13 12
6- Liechtenistan 7 1 1 5 6-15 4
7- Oceaice 7 1 0 6 7-14 3
8- Pure Evil 7 0 1 6 6-28 1

EL CID NEWS.
NEWS YOU CAN USE.

sports news

El Cid the Hero Sues Kingsford



It was this article from one of Kingsford's newspapers that has prompted a lawsuit to be mounted. In terms of discrimination against those with dyslexia they have a good chance of bleeding Kingford dry as the editor who wrote the original article is head of the El Cid Dyslexia Institute with may very prominent and rich supporters of the team. Magrat Daniels, the Minister for sport of the El Cid Cabinet has given the following statement " i am both shocked and ashamed that Kingford would allow the publishing of such an inflammatry article. Just because of a few spelling mistakes they have stereotyped the Cids Lions as mentally deficient and we cannot tolerate such blatant discrimination. I will make sure that heads in the Kingford camp will roll and that the writer of this disgusting piece of hate mail will be forced to resign".


http://ohiocoaster.com/wapahkonetafootballlogo.gif

Parent Government Kingsford "Sued"

The Holy Republic of Kingsford, the parent government for the Free Lands of Wapahkoneta, was "Sued" today. "I'm not really sure how we were Sued" commented minister of immigration Oxilus Papp, "but we were definitely Sued."

Among the legal reports filed within the past few days, not one of them is a lawsuit against the government of Kingsford by EL CID THE HERO, el cids teem, or any related parties. The government has taken no responsibilities for the action, for the freedom of speech under the Fundamental Orders of Kingsford (Art. IV, 28.11.4) protects this publication.

The publication appeared in a binational newspaper called The Shooting Star. It has a dual headquarters, one in Conogonowee, Wapahkoneta and the other in Toryo, Kingsford. The circulation covers all of Wapahkoneta, and the eastern counties of Kingsford.

But I digress. Government officials then searched lawsuits filed against The Holy Republic of Knigsford, and found four documents of the same content, title, and nature. All of which, after some deciphering from CIDspeak to English, mentioned the said article from the said publication, in which the World Cup Qualifying Match between the EL CID THE HERO el cids teem and the Wapahkoneta M'weowas.

The "siut" was carried out in a neutral court in Brazillico, where The Holy Republic of Kingsford was found uninvolved in the matter entirely, let alone not guilty. Apparently dissatisfied with the outcome, Thousands of CIDian women arrived via ship and plane to the Holy Republic. Upon reaching immigration, it was found that all of the women were named "Sue" or the apparently CIDian variant "SEU." However, the myriad of women entering Kingsford presented immigration with a "passprot," which is not an accepted form of identification (Passports only) so they were all deported.

The Holy Republic is recovering from it's recent Sueing, however there is still chaos in the streets. Mass laughter has broken out at the childish and foolish antics of the "natoin" of EL CID THE HERO. Police have gassed the crowds with depressant gasses, but the actions are just too hilarious for the mob-controller to have any effect. The Homeland security has declared a State of Hilarity in Kingsford for the time being. More on this breaking story.

The Reichsmarkia Times
Price: If you buy it at 5am, much cheaper than at 8am

Big Trouble in little Melmond

The Trillionaires lost another match, this time against the melmondic Evil Umpire. The Evil Umpire is a land, in which has, not like Melmond itself, adopted the best form of government, a strict dictatorship under the rule of 8-bit. Like our glorious leader Louis Quatorze, the Evil Umpire keeps the population under strict control and reacts harshly in case of failure. In the case of the national team, the haarsh meassures are simply very belated payment of the wages. Some players like Hans Reichsmark "Death of Chances" or Forint Magy are still waiting for their MD1 wages.
Also after this match, wages were payed belated: The trillionaires struggled against the Evil Umpire and their attacks, not juist by their forwards, but also the attack with ABBA-music being played on high volume in the stadium. The referee was wearing earplugs and teabags have no ears, so they were unaffected by the music. In the 21st minute, Vamphir Tea Bag had no problems with taking the lead, because goalkeeper Hans Eichel was covering his ears with his hands. The Evil Umpire had some other chances in the first half, but Hans Eichel or the Insane defense could parry them. In the first seconds of the second half however, the music started again and due to the shock of that music after a quiet half-time pause, the Trillionaires were unable to react in any way. 2:0 for the tea bags. The trillionaires again concentrated on defending, but then, an error caused the consolation goal. It was an error of whoever selected the music: "Money, money, money" Maybe due to the fact that everyone in the national team is at least trillionaire, this evil music had no effect on them. They started a furious attack and in the 88th minute, Lilangeni Svazi was in good position, shot... and the ball hit the Holy India Tea Bag hard enough, so that he was thrown off his feet and into the goal.

The result:
The Evil Umpire 2 (Vamphir Tea Bag 21st, Josef Tea Bag)
Insane Inflation 1 (Lilangeni Svazi 88th)

http://www.nationstates.net/images/flags/uploads/kylaai.jpgThe Reformed Islands of Kylaai


Goalkeeper: Mandoo Nania
Defenders: Lital Tirar, Hito Burrito, Vito Frito, Max
Midfielders: Rising Sun, Macala Moria, Tennence Fleiam, Norada-Fell
Attackers: Mazu Kazu, Vlanti Vimorta

Tadjikistan [1] Kylaai [2]

We play very well and win. Vlanti Vimorta scores and Rising Sun scores. Mandoo Nania gives up one goal. Norada-Fell is best player but does not score. Happy to win when not expecting to. Max also plays well but is defense and not noticed.

Kylaai [1] Total n Utter Insanity [1]

We almost won this match which would have been good. The team Total n Utter Insanity is the best and we have not lost. Mandoo Nania gives up one goal. Vlanti Vimorta scores one goal so we do not lose. Mazu Kazu is best player but does not score.

NASTIC 2 [3] Kylaai [2]

We score many times but do not win. Mazu Kazu scores two goals. Mandoo Nania gives up three goals. Whole team plays well to not lose alot. New player might help do better.

Kylaai [2] Lemmitania [1]

We play very well and win two game. Very good team but we win. Norada-Fell scores one goal. Mazu Kazu scores one goal. Mandoo Nania gives up one goal. No new players

Dennisov [1] Kylaai [0]

We play team Dennisov again. Dennisov win again. We scored no goals. Mandoo Nania gives up one goal. No new players.

Pterodactyl [1] Kylaai [3]

We play extra very well and win three game. Vlanti Vimorta scores one goal. Rising Sun scores one goal. Norada-Fell scores one goal. We like to play. Mandoo Nania gives up 1 goal. Macala Moria plays bad. Team plays good. Rising Sun is best player and scores one goal.

Kylaai [0] Artoonia [0]

Mandoo Nania gives up no goals. We score no goals. Norada-Fell plays well. We play very well. We are not last. We are in four.


---Group 1----
[1] Total n Utter Insanity 7 5 2 0 15-6 17
[2] Lemmitania 7 4 1 2 17-8 13
<3> Dennisov 7 4 1 2 10-7 13
<4> Kylaai 7 3 2 2 10-8 11
5- Tadjikistan 7 3 1 3 14-9 10
6- NASTIC 2 7 3 1 3 10-10 10
7- Artoonia 7 1 2 4 5-14 5
8- Pterodactyl 7 0 0 7 3-22 0

EL CID NEWS.
NEWS YOU CAN USE.

sports news

Will History Repeat Itself?

After the first week's worth of matches The Cids Lions are 2nd in there group with the teams next opponent being the team they beat 1-0 in their first match.

"We were prepared for the second leg" said Chris Skiner during a training session. "and maybe we can repeat the magic of the opening night again".

With the expectation of the nation on them, the Lions are peparing for a match that could make or break there chances of qualifying.

Will El Cid cement themselves on the top of the table or will it by a chance for TEN to get revenge. Keep reading to find out.

Matchday 1:The Eagles Nest v El Cid the Hero W 0-1
Matchday 2:El Cid the Hero v HalfassedstatesW 2-0
Matchday 3:Snub Nose 38 v El Cid the Hero l 3-1
Matchday 4:El Cid the Hero v Svecia l 1-2
Matchday 5:El Cid the Hero v Northbank W 2-1
Matchday 6:Esth v El Cid the Hero W 0-2
Matchday 7:El Cid the Hero v WapahkonetaW 5-1
Matchday 8:El Cid the Hero v The Eagles Nest
Matchday 9:Halfassedstates v El Cid the Hero
Matchday 10:El Cid the Hero v Snub Nose 38
Matchday 11:Svecia v El Cid the Hero
Matchday 12:Northbank v El Cid the Hero
Matchday 13:El Cid the Hero v Esth
Matchday 14:Wapahkoneta v El Cid the Hero

Liverpool England Still in Second - Oglethorpia 0 Liverpool England 1
(Referee: Anders Frisk, Krytenia)

Liverpool England pulled off a major coup against the second highest ranked team in the group when they came away with three points from Oglethorpia. In the stands, former coach of both sides, Guy Picciotto (Oglethorpia WC8, Liverpool England WC14).

Liverpool England had come here looking for a point; an away point against Oglethorpia would be just as good as their one against Kingsford. Well, the team certainly got more than they asked for, a goal in the seventyfifth second sealing the match when Chris Hawkins went down in the box, and to jeers from the crowd who remember so well the then-Liverpool England colony Oddslavo knocking Oglethorpia out of their home cup in WC8, Timothy Dennard converted from the spot.

Frisk later told the press that he clearly saw contact, and therefore signalled the foul. Sirx later admitted it may have been a dive by Hawkins, and told Oglethorpian sources that the rightful punishment will be meted out.

Matchday 8 Scores Posted:

SCORES THREAD (http://forums2.jolt.co.uk/showthread.php?t=356281)

THE BUREAUCRATIC TRIBUNE

From here on Oglethorpians dubbed "Mediocrity-Languishers"

Bill Christmas

OGLETHORPIA (BT) -- Following a loss against Liverpool England a draw to who knows and a bunch of other matches no one cares about but were presumably filled with poor preformances, the Bureaucratic States Football Association has dubbed the novice World Cup 17 national side representing the Bureaucratic States of Oglethorpia the "Mediocrity-Languishers."

"It's real straightforward," commented BSFA President Mel Green. "Oglethorpia has always been mediocre. As in, languishing in mediocrity. Just change the words around and, bam."

Long before the start of World Cup 17 BSFA officials from Kingsford called for the team to be named "the Otters."

Said BSFA President Mel Green weeks later addressing the issue of team names, he stated that "the otter is too revered an animal to the Oglethorpian people; we dare not soil it's good name by allowing it to share it's moniker with an awful national football side from the Bureaucratic States."

Later Green would clear up his intention in an interview with Newscentury Magazine. "Basically the Otter's too god damn good for us." Green refused to comment on whether or not the issue had illicited ill feelings from him towards otters everywhere.

With the press release from the BSFA, the Oglethorpian Mediocrity-Languishers go into their next match against whoever, someone they'll likely draw against, or more likely lose to. Keep your eyes out, becaues there'll be some professional mediocrity-languishing to be seen.

Aquiliana claws into 5th place
In what looks to be a tight race for qualification

With a 2-2 draw against Oglethorpia Friday night, the Falcons capped off a mini-run of 5 points in 3 matches, moving them into 5th place, just a win behind Turnia.

After a missed call by the referee that would secure a disappointing 2-2 draw against Regia Anglorum, Marmoreus led the team to a 2-0 shutout of Kipto-Mare, and then held off the Oglethorpian offense to draw them, 2-2, for the second time in this tournament.

"We're coming once again to the toughest part of the schedule," said Coach Ed after Friday night's game. "We hope to do better than 5-0 against Kingsford, of course, and then Turnia on Sunday looks like a good chance to move up in the standings with a win. If we can beat Turnia, we have a chance of coming out of the break tied for 4th place."

---Group 5----
[1] Kingsford 8 6 2 0 24-4 20
[2] Liverpool England 8 6 2 0 18-4 20
<3> Oglethorpia 8 3 4 1 16-12 13
<4> Turnia 8 4 0 4 11-12 12
5- Aquiliana 8 2 3 3 11-18 9
6- Avenging Altos 8 2 0 6 9-19 6
7- Kipto-Mare 8 1 2 5 10-18 5
8- Regia Anglorum 8 1 1 6 8-20 4

Goalscorers:

Auguratius 4
Cuniculus 2
Flögel 1
Præfrigidi 1
Haesit 1
Carbasus 1
Messor 1

(Referees in past 3 games:
de la Cocoterie - missed call that would have awarded game winning PK.
Muldoch - above average, only one bad call given.
Wilson - near-perfect.)

VILÄMNA DAGENS NYHETER

GO WEST YOUNG MAN
Northbank almost pulls off shocker, Svensson saves Lightning

Northbank 1 Svecia 1

Northbank - After three straight matches of dominating opponants, Svecia finally met their match. But it was from an unlikely opponant: a Northbank side that Svecia soundly defeated 6-1 in their opening qualifying match.

Perhaps the Lightning were a little overconfident as their plane landed at the Northbank airport. Perhaps Northbank were looking to impove on their horrible scoreline, which wouldn´t have taken too much effort. Perhaps the home crowd just wanted to see their team beat a top twenty side. Perhaps just win another qualifying game.

And that´s almost what they did. A 68th minute goal could have been the difference in the game. As the Northbank stiker strode down the right side of the field his shot glanced off the post into the center of the penalty area. Both the keeper, Piet van Meer and the striker found themselves on the wet ground scrambling for the ball. But it was the Northbank player that reached his feet first to put the ball into the net and start the celebration of an upset that almost was.

Neither Svecia nor Northbank could seem to get an attack started the first half. The field was rather wet from the downpour that let up just before gametime and players were slipping around everywhere. But Northbank had the first good chance in the second half when a 30 yard blast was just tipped over the bar by van Meer. Svecia answered on the next trip down field with a dangerous header by Solskjaer that went centimeters wide of the post.

But as the nation of Northbank prepared for a celebration of their team´s biggest upset ever, midfielder Lars Svensson decided that Svecia wasn´t going to be the loser in the battle and with 30 seconds to go in second half stoppage time, he took a curling shot from just outside the penatly area that snuck between the keeper and the post for the equalizer.

Although Northbank was crushed, they still received a point from what should have been an easy victory for the Lightning. From the Svecian standpoint, however, it was not a satisfactory point. The team should have settled for no less than three points.

But the Lightning have to play bottom of the group teams twice more before having to tackle the big four again. Hopefully they get all the bugs out now.

Stars make point against Commerce Heights, 1-1

For all the pagentry and all the excitement leading up to the Sarzonian national team's first match at sold out Hendrix Stadium, it looked for 88 minutes like group top seed Commerce Heights would leave the near 80,000 fans and the Stars devastated. But defender Corey Hemby scored a rare goal after a goalmouth scramble and the Stars salvaged a point in the standings with a 1-1 draw.

"We thoroughly outplayed them the whole match, no question," Coach Bryan Marshall said. "We dominated shots (21-9), shots on goal (11-4), time of possession (58 minutes to Commerce Heights' 42), yet we couldn't get on the score sheet until Corey stepped up.

"What a huge performance he had."

The Stars' allowed Sioka Denatra to slip through the defense on a deft counterattack and power a shot past goalkeeper Troy Perkins in the 28th minute after Mark Lahnto stole a pass from midfielder Darwin Russell that was intended for striker Anton Gregor.

"I was careless, plain and simple," Russell said. "I'm never letting that happen again."

The Sarzonians applied constant pressure, with their fans exhorting them to keep fighing. The Stars would not disappoint.

"They gave it everything they got," said Bill Preston, 43, a bookkeeper who has season tickets to the Woodstock Wild. "But Commerce Heights is so good. The Stars could have won 4-0."

Until Hemby's goal, the Stars could have lost 1-0, but even with the draw, the Stars sit in fourth place, behind third place Starblaydia on goal differential. The Stars will meet their regional rivals in Starblaydia in the next match.

"They're going to be giving us their best shot," Marshall said. "They're still smarting from their loss to us."

"Their pundits said we're a fluke team," forward Brian Wilson said, reading the press clippings from the Starblaydi news agency. "Now we have another thing to motivate us."

After a couple of questionable calls in previous matches, referee Steven Farm of Omniworld played little role in the proceedings.

"He was pretty good. He didn't affect the outcome of the game, which is always good," a team source said on condition of anonymity.

The Invincibles had another good draw, this time against a Svecia side that had hammered them six-one way back on Matchday One.

The Ash Park crowd were simply hoping not to get crushed, but what they got was a moment to shock the Svecians. On 68 minutes, Terry Hanratty pulled in a cross-shot that thumped the post, and the red and navy shirt of Joey Raymond was the first to it - One-Nil Northbank!

But it was not to be. A Svensson free kick curled fiendishly around the wall, and bounced agonisingly in front of John Luman before clipping in off the post.

One point means that the Invincibles are now ten points off fourth place, and qualification is most likely a pipe dream, but they could still cause some trouble.

Pure Evil Defeated as Starblaydia lead Group for Scoring
Twenty-three Goals in Eight Matches show Sparks of True Class

Another slaughtering of Pure Evil now means Starblaydia have risen to third in the group, with Goal Difference Separating them from the Sarzonian Challenge. Just two points in front lie Iansisle in the automatic qualification spot, with Commerce Heights another two points in front of them. Though not quite as close as one or two of the other groups, any of the top five could theoretically qualify.

Starblaydia, for their part, must keep up their victories over the smallest three sides as well as improving their results over the other four teams. A win, at the very least, over Sarzonia and Giant Zucchini are required, followed by any points they can scrape from the final Iansisle and Commerce Heights games.

Simply, their second seven games must out-perform the first seven games to have any chance of automatic qualification. A similar set of results should hopefully bring the playoff, whereas a dismal run, particularly against Sarzonia and Giant Zucchini, may mean Starblaydia miss out on Qualification for the third time in a row.

For the next game, Corinthian Spirits' are the hosts for the visiting Sarzonia team, with Starblaydia looking for revenge over their 2-1 defeat earlier in the compeition. The Silverlands Stadium is sure to be packed to the rafters, particularly as Spirits' Left-Midifielder Michael Hawthorne has been declared fit to play and will probably line up in the starters.

As for Pure Evil, Mikael Tissot and Karl Robertson scored their frist goals of the tournament as a weak Starblaydia side still managed to demolish Pure Evil. Though a Pure Evil player scored with around twenty-five minutes left, some swift substitutions by Guylain N'Dumbu-Nsungu ensured two more easy goals and another three points for Starblaydia.

As for the referees who have been lambasted in the press so often by other countries, this reporter can find no fault in Kaze Progressan Nuji Beili, who had an un-spectacular performance, notable for his lack of any crucial mistakes.


Final Score:
Pure Evil 1 - 4 Starblaydia
(Manson 67) - (Tissot 15, Robertson 21, Hall 69, Stark 75)

Group 9 Results and Standings:
Sarzonia [1] Commerce Heights [1]
Oceaice [1] Iansisle [2]
Liechtenistan [2] Giant Zucchini [4]
Pure Evil [1] Starblaydia [4]

[1] Commerce Heights 8 6 2 0 21-7 20
[2] Iansisle 8 6 0 2 20-9 18
<3> Starblaydia 8 5 1 2 23-10 16
<4> Sarzonia 8 5 1 2 13-8 16
5- Giant Zucchini 8 5 0 3 16-15 15
6- Liechtenistan 8 1 1 6 8-19 4
7- Oceaice 8 1 0 7 8-16 3
8- Pure Evil 8 0 1 7 7-32 1

MD00: .:: WC17 Qualifying Schedule :: Starblaydi Stadia ::.
MD01: Starblaydia 6-0 Pure Evil
MD02: Sarzonia 2-1 Starblaydia
MD03: Starblaydia 3-0 Oceaice
MD04: Liechtenistan 0-1 Starblaydia
MD05: Giant Zucchini 1-3 Starblaydia
MD06: Starblaydia 2-3 Iansisle
MD07: Commerce Heights 3-3 Starblaydia
MD08: Pure Evil 1-4 Starblaydia
NEXT: Starblaydia Vs Sarzonia @ Silverlands, Corinth (55,000 Capacity, Corinthian Spirits)
MD10: Oceaice Vs Starblaydia @ TBA
MD11: Starblaydia Vs Liechtenistan @ Bekkside Stadium, Tabeck (32,000 Capacity, Tabeck FC)
MD12: Starblaydia Vs Giant Zucchini @ Foundation Road, Jhanna (75,000 Capacity, Iskara Daii)
MD13: Iansisle Vs Starblaydia @ TBA
MD14: Starblaydia Vs Commerce Heights @ Jader Barbahlo Stadium, Jhanna (94,000 Capacity, Jhanna City)

Starblaydia Goal Tally:
Player Goals Total Goals
-------------------------------------
S. Di Bradini 6 19
E. Hall 5 14
J.J. Stark 3 5
A. Ol-wairain 2 7
R. Di Bradini 2 4
K. Robertson 1 3
C. Salisbury 1 3
M. Tissot 1 3
S. Hill 1 2
V. Tsarev 1 2

http://www.ohiocoaster.com/wapahkonetafootballlogo.gif

Match 8: Wapahkoneta vs. Halfassedstates
Grand Tecumseh Stadium, CONOGONOWEE (80,000)

http://www.nationstates.net/images/flags/uploads/wapahkoneta.jpg vs. http://www.newbaybridge.org/media/logo_teamsters.gif

The Braves, rounding out the bottom of the table after their total mraching from EL CID THE HERO el cids teem, were looking to rebound to a top spot in the second qualifying leg with at least a win or a draw from today's game at home against Halfassedstates.

The stadium was about 1/4 filled. It had seen larger crowds for the Willie Nelson concerts that had rolled through ten years ago. Now it was all the same crowd, just not the ones who had died. Apparently, the poor performance was cause for loss of interest, even after the heroic win to snatch one of the last places in the cup qualifiers.

So the 20,000 man crowd seemed to fit with Oglethorpia more than the proud Braves of Wapahkoneta. After the shaming in the last match away, it was clear that interest had dropped significantly.

The battered and war torn Braves took the field, though at first glance of the opponent, it was clear that they had the upperhand in stamina for this match.

22 of the craziest looking teamsters waddled onto the field. All were tattooed, all had cigarettes in their mouths, a can of beer in their hand. The captains had to sit down and take a break on the long walk from their half of the pitch to center field.

The visiting team would start with the ball. Amidst an orchestra of coughs, sneezes, and other bodily functions, they rumbled, and in some cases rolled down the pitch. The Braves felt a sudden burst of motivation, however suddenly the fowardmost teamster threw his beer in the face of Ationokonee, as his pudgy foot bumped the ball in. A timeout was taken as all the Teamsters marched in and replenished their beer and cigarette, and the match was ready to recommence.

The Braves finally had control, however esteemed forward Eyengking lost the ball in a makeshift pile of empty beer cans lying on the field. Upon trying to retreive the ball, his foot bas badly cut by the aluminum and had to be removed from the game.

After a few more turns in possession, the half ended, Wapahkoneta 1 man and 1 goal down.

The second half began with a Wapahkonee possession. As the ornate passing manuvers took place, The Halfassed Teamsters all took a seat of the field. Tegosbea managed a good shot on goal, however the keeper filled the goal entirely with his massive fat, and the ball was lost in his folds. Tegosbea tried to retrieve the ball, however he was badly burnt upon wading in the cigarette mountain created by the chain smoking keeper, and had to be taken off.

Two of their players off, the Braves were not prepared for what happened next. All of the sudden a picture of George W. Bush, President of the United States of America, flashed across the scoreboard screen, and the Teamsters went into a fit of rage. The managed to fashion makeshift protest signs from their beercans and gained a sudden burst of energy. Like a herd of charging rhinos, they shook the earth as they rumbled down the field. Wapahkonee defender Aweekonee had the ball, but did not see the herd in time to clear the way as he was trampled by the mob and the ball rolled past the goal line. Soon, though, the goal itself had been flattened, and then the barrier dividing the pitch from the stands. all of the sudden, the stands started folding inwards to the ground and the Teamsters made a flat path towards the scoreboard. Sparks flew from the expensive luminocity as the Teamsters flattened it to the ground. Once they were outside of the stadium, they kept on running and running until they reached the shore, where they fell in the ocean and drowned. The death toll was 22 Teamsters, 14 Braves fans, and 1 Wapahkonee defender.

Final Score, 2-0.

The Bedistan Sports Digest

Dancing in the Streets
Lions trash opposition on matchday eight

DANCE 2 REVOLUTION -- To anyone from the BFA who may be reading this article: Brandon Barton needs a raise. Now.

After a lackluster first few games (that were nevertheless wins), Barton has recently been experimenting with some slightly more unusual, typically offense-oriented, team setups. One of these was the slightly weird 2-5-3 used against Carthage and Troy that resulted in a 5-2 win. The formation used against D2R last night was a little more orthodox, but only a little. At first glance, it looked like a relatively simple slightly aggressive 3-4-3. But the actual midfield area was pretty much vacated, making it almost a 5-0-5 -- definitely not what one would expect from the Lions. And once again, it worked like a charm.

For the first minute or so, normally central midfielder Nick Yu, who had the ball, seemed to be at the mercy of the D2R midfield. Eventually, though, he saw a break and passed the ball up to Benjamin Xi, who wasted no time in scoring the first goal.

For much of the first half, D2R dominated possession, though this is to be expected with no Bedistani midfield. The double-strength back line gave the D2R strikers no chance to get a goal in, though. The defense had some problems launching the ball with enough force to reach the Lions' front line, but when they did get possession, the home side's defense started worrying quickly. Captain Jackson Reinhardt sent in two more goals before halftime to put his team up three-nil.

D2R held the ball for nearly 70 percent of the first half, but the possession numbers were misleading as the Lions were the dominant force on the pitch. The second half looked much the same, as D2R continued to hold the ball but failed to do anything with it thanks to the impenetrable Bedistani defense. The Lions' front line got the ball again, and this time Sven Cardinal tried to take a shot, but he was fouled by a Revolutionary defender. Referee Margaret -- yes, that Margaret -- gave Yinto Mayyojokyin, the offending defender, a yellow card and awarded a penalty kick to Bedistan. Never mind that Cardinal was taken down nearly a yard outside the box. When questioned by the D2R coach, Margaret told him, "Them's the breaks, bub," and threatened him with a yellow if he didn't sit down. Nick Yu took the resultant penalty and sent it nicely into the lower right corner for 4-0. Cardinal added his first four minutes later for five-nil. Of course, no Bedistani team can score five goals without getting one in return, so just before the final whistle blew, Ruun van Mushruum finally broke through Bedistan's defense and dirtied Hank Paulsen's formerly clean sheet.

Lovisa again drew on Matchday 8, so Bedistan's lead atop the group has been extended to four points. Vorpal Bunnies' continued poor form has now mathematically eliminated them from winning the group. In Group 10, Ravea is now incapable of attaining an outright qualifying position.

Final score:
Dance 2 Revolution 1 (van Mushruum 90)
Bedistan 5 (Xi 2; Reinhardt 27, 40; Yu pen 71; Cardinal 75)

The Schedule

MD01: Bedistan 2-0 Dance 2 Revolution (Holmes Stadium, Columbia; att 73481)
MD02: Spurland 0-2 Bedistan
MD03: Bedistan 5-2 Carthage and Troy (Holmes Stadium, Columbia; att 68940)
MD04: Vorpal Bunnies 1-3 Bedistan
MD05: Bedistan 3-1 Lovisa (Akoki Stadium, Port Lusambo; att 84680)
MD06: Krytenia 1-0 Bedistan
MD07: Bedistan 2-0 Jeruselem (Stephen Rogers Mem. Stad., Yuba; att 81912)
MD08: Dance 2 Revolution 1-5 Bedistan
MD09: Bedistan v Spurland (Holmes Stadium, Columbia)
MD10: Carthage and Troy v Bedistan
MD11: Bedistan v Vorpal Bunnies (Holmes Stadium, Columbia)
MD12: Lovisa v Bedistan
MD13: Bedistan v Krytenia (Holmes Stadium, Columbia)
MD14: Jeruselem v Bedistan

Jeruselem Government News

Bunnies score triple and still lose

Vorpal Bunnies scored three goals in a game for the first time, but still managed to lose the game. That's because Jeruselem scored 5 goals and their win restored their 3th place position. It was the game of Match day 8 where the Bunnies proved they could fight against the odds but their defense let them down again. The coach said the Jeruselem defense simply didn't work in the game but the offense was outstanding with improvements still required for the next game.

Bedistan stomped D2R 5-2 while Lovisa's slow patch continued as Spurland held them to a 1 ALL draw. Krytenia escaped with 1-0 win over the Trojans. After MD8, the top 4 were restored with D2R's lofty position lost as Jeruselem and Krytenia winning.


Group 8:
Dance 2 Revolution [1] Bedistan [5]
Spurland [1] Lovisa [1]
Carthage and Troy [0] Krytenia [1]
Vorpal Bunnies [3] Jeruselem [5]

---Group 8----
[1] Bedistan 8 7 0 1 22-6 21
[2] Lovisa 8 5 2 1 21-9 17
<3> Jeruselem 8 5 0 3 16-15 15
<4> Krytenia 8 4 2 2 13-8 14
5- Dance 2 Revolution 8 4 0 4 13-13 12
6- Spurland 8 2 2 4 7-10 8
7- Carthage and Troy 8 2 0 6 12-20 6
8- Vorpal Bunnies 8 0 0 8 7-30 0

Slavia Victorious over Precarious Valerius
Slavius Decimus Magnus 2-0


Audioslavia
----------------------------------------------
| 13 |
| Andersson |
| 2 15 20 |
| 6 Pearce Maier Johnstone 21 |
| O`Brien McKenna |
| 16 |
| 14 Kennedy |
| Marriot 11 |
| 18 Jaynes |
| Tessem |
| |
| 12 |
| Ryder |
------------------------------------------
| |
| 75 24 |
| Hohenstauffen Hapsburg |
| |
| 77 |
| 02 16 Pappas 33 09 |
| Tintagel Gespacho Rosenburg Pickering |
| |
| 13 51 11 |
| van der Boer L`Evienne Lierkan |
| |
| 1 |
| Nantes |
----------------------------------------------
Magnus Valerius

Audioslavia got the second half of their qualifying campaign off to a winning start as they dispatched Magnus Valerius with two first-half strikes.

The 'slaves team featured just six players who have started a WC17 qualifier, and of the rest only veteran full-back Ben Pearce and Rail McKenna had ever started a 'slaves match before. The team gave full debuts to two Audioslavians; goalkeeper Peter Andersson took over the green jersey from Haydn Fenwick for the first time, whilst William Kennedy replaced Khully Tanner who was being rested.

Audioslavia started the stronger of the two teams, keeping posession well and generally keeping Magnus Valerius in their own half for the opening twenty minutes. McKenna came close with a back-post header, William Ryder scuffed a shot from just six yards out, but it was 25-year old Jodey Tessem who opened the scoring for the 'slaves, beating L'Evienne to a low far-post ball to finish, slicing the ball under Nantes and into the goal.

The second came on the half-hour. Slick interplay between the Audioslavian midfielders and strikers let Tessem through a gap in the defence. van der Boer and L'Evienne managed to push the midfielder off the ball as he went to shoot, but only succeeded in slicing it away to the edge of the area where Ryder was arriving un-marked. The striker picked his spot and let fly only to watch his shot rebound off of keeper Nantes' torso. Fortunately for Ryder the ball bobbled back to him and he made no mistake finishing into the now-empty net.

Half-time came and went with Audioslavia still comfortably in control. Paul Ward replaced Aidey Jaynes with David Maiden and wing-back Cole O`Brien with striker James Laver, reverting to a 4-4-2 formation for the rest of the game and resting Jaynes and O`Brien.

The 'slaves new formation made them less of a problem down the wings, especially with Jaynes and Johansen, their two orthodox wingers, rested. Marriot still caused problems playing in his old position, making a few oppotunities for the strikers as time and time again he beat van der Boer on the right wing, but ultimately his crosses weren't strong enough to evade the Magnus Valerius defence.

MV got themselves back into the game as the 'slaves dropped back, their better chances coming from the skillful Pappas and Hohenstauffen, the latter of which thumping a hard shot against the post with Andersson nowhere. With the absense of an out-and-out striker however, Valerius ultimately couldnt find that final touch by the time the final whistle blew.

FINAL SCORE
MAGNUS VALERIUS 0-2 AUDIOSLAVIA
Tessem 27
Ryder 32

---Group 4----
[1] Squornshelous 8 7 0 1 23-6 21
[2] Cockbill Street 8 6 0 2 15-10 18
<3> Audioslavia 8 5 1 2 17-10 16
<4> Ebon Hawk 8 3 2 3 9-14 11
5- The Weegies 8 2 2 4 9-10 8
6- Magnus Valerius 8 2 1 5 6-14 7
7- Isles Of Wohlstand 8 1 2 5 10-16 5
8- Big Pimento 8 1 2 5 5-14 5

Audioslavia's 2-0 win was echoed in the top two's results, with Squornshelous despatching Ebon Hawk 2-0 and Cockbill Street making light work of the Isles of Wohlstand. Because of this, the top three stay the same distance from one another. Squornshelous stay three points clear of Cockbill Street, who are two ahead of Audioslavia, albiet with a lower goal difference than the 'slaves and a much much lower goal difference than the Stupidheads. Despite their defeat, Ebon Hawk stay fourth although they keep their cushion over fifth place thanks to The Weegies' inability to put away bottom side Big Pimento in the other match which finished 1-1.

The Weegies are now three points adrift, but with a much better goal-difference they remain in with a chance if they can just find their winning touch again. Valerius and Wohlstand remain as they are after their defeats, but Big Pimento close the gap at the bottom to just a three-point deficit in goal difference after they held the Weegies to that 1-1 draw.

The next round of matches sees second and third placed Cocbill Street and Audioslavia kick off against the two sides that upset them on the second day of the season, with Cockbill wanting to avenge their 2-1 defeat by Big Pimento at home, and Audioslavia wanting - and needing - a win against Ebon Hawk in a six-pointer between third and fourth. The Weegies are at home to Magnus Valerius, a team which beat them one-nil in the first encounter. Squornshelous play host to Wohlstand in the other match, a game where Squornshelous will be odds on to win comfortably.

I've been Jeremy Jaffacake, g'nite bitches

Haperd's history repeating

The Orange-Blues travelled to the nation of Haperd for the rematch of MD1. The first match was won 3:0 by the Orange-Blues and the Harped Vulcans wanted revenge, no that is not logical, they wanted to defeat us to ensure their chances for qualification. The pointy-eared fans from Haperd of course showed no emotion at all in the stadium, but the Orange-Blue fans compensated the silence from the other fan block by being twice as loud as normal. That made many vulcans raise an eyebrow, they are not at all used to so much emotion.

The Orange-Blues played again in a defensive System Jesejil (4-5-1) formation, but not revived System Karela again (not that it ever was dead). The Vulcans played in a 4-4-2, the most normal and most logical tactical system. The Orange-Blues took the lead after only 3 minutes. Sijitalatirikimidateme Xkora player Kvansa Laijiyiaya exploited a misunderstanding in the Haperd defense to intercept the ball and blast it past goalie Kia Ireland. The following cheering and celebrating caused many vulcan fans to raise one eyebrow again. The stadium speaker had serious problems with pronouncing the seleke name, which has no less than 8 syllables, but did a better job than most foreigners do. Also later, the Orange-Blues played in the defensive style, which is logical for a team, which tops the group: Not risking too much so the lead is in danger and taking the occasional chance. Haperd played also logically: pretty offensive, but since they are vulcans, extremely fair (it is somehow strange that vulcan logic does also include a certain ethical aspect, or did you evver hear a vulcanian lie?). The fairness of the match was the striking factor in this match, the Orange-Blues dominated well enough not to have a need for it, and the Vulcans... well... didn't do it. Jaulti Barrnu, the progressan referee of this match saw nearly no need to interfere at all. In the 38th minute, Miki I Jil's long-distance shot passed goalie Ireland'he and the Vulcan fans had another reason to raise one eyebrow, since the fans of the Orange-Blues celebrated again. With the 2:0 lead, the Orange-Blues started a System Karela at its best. The next chance was in the 81st minute, when Kvansa Laijiyiaya increased the score again, this time in a counter attack. Haperd had some chances in the time inbetween, but the Orange-Blue defense is infamous for a good reason, so none became dangerous.

The result:
Haperd 0
Rejistania 3 (Laijiyiaya 4th 81st, I Jil 38th)

Referee: Jaulti Barrnu (Kaze Progressa), KaMaRi Update rating: 8

The Incorporated States of Sarzonia
Current Position: 3rd
Predicted Position: 5th
World Rank: 49th
Region: Atlantian Oceania
Laser's Comments: "Slighty Over-acheiving thanks to their win over Starblaydia, Sarzonia should be put back down where they belong by Starblaydia later on, plus will hopefully drop points to some lower teams."
If they were a cartoon character they'd be: Yu-Gi-Oh! A very new team thats been incredibly successful for some unknown reason. Probably down with the kids, innit.
http://www.starblaydestudios.co.uk/Images/yugioh.jpg

Stars prepare for 'challenge' in Corinth

The Sarzonian national team boarded the plane for the short flight to Corinth for their away match against Atlantian Oceanian rivals Starblaydia with intensity in their eyes and a chip on their shoulders.

"[Nicola "Laser" Lazerevski] disrespected us," forward Anton Gregor said. "This is more of that whole 'weekend footballers' line we kept hearing from some of our regional opponents."

The Stars split their first two matches against the Starblaydi team, dropping a 2-0 decision in the AOCAF tournament and winning 2-1 in the first leg of World Cup qualifying. But as pundits were quick to remind the Stars, that match took place at home.

"The Palestra [home of the Woodstock Wild] was rocking for us, but the Silverlands is going to be rocking for them," newspaper columnist Chris Murray of the Ravenna Daily Register said. "We'll be lucky to get one [standings] point out of that match."

Don't tell that to the Stars.

"He said that," forward Brian Wilson asked. "If we go into that match hoping for one point, that's a sure recipe for disaster. The last thing we can afford is to play negative football. I'd rather go in looking for three points and have to settle for one than hope for one point and end up with nothing."

"Giant Zucchini's breathing down our necks in the standings," midfielder and team captain Bobby Convey said. "We need to get every point we can to have a chance to qualify."

The Stars have been saying their only goal is to qualify for the World Cup, saying it didn't matter if they had to play the one game playoff between the third place and fourth place teams or not. But with second place Iansisle only two points clear and first place and unbeaten Commerce Heights only four points ahead, the automatic spot is within reach.

"We'll cross that bridge if we get there," Coach Bryan Marshall said. "Obvisouly, we'd rather not have to play an extra match to get into the World Cup, but if we do play it, that's the lot we draw. Right now, our focus is on Starblaydia. Everything else is just a distraction."

The referee for tonight's match is expected to be Sergeit Ivanov of Tadjikistan, a man who is known for being strict but fair.

"He's one of the best officials in the world, so we think this will bode very well for this game," Convey said. "The last thing we want is a game decided by a bad call and we don't think that will happen here."

Player ratings for the Halfassed games to date:

MD 1:
Halfassed 3 (Ze Bulliao 28; Ya 34, 68) {White and Bell booked}
Wapahkoneta 0
Fleetfoot 5; Sleet 6, Smithers 7, Peters 5; Bell 6, White 6, Porter 8, Normandy 7*; Ya 9, Woods 6, Ze Bulliao 8.
Sub. Gunnett (58mins) 5*
Ref: Amy Segora {TEN} 7

MD 2:
El Cid the Hero 2 (Dent 26; Trotter 67)
Halfassed 0 {Peters, White, Porter and Woods booked}
Fleetfoot 6; Sleet 5, Smithers 5, Peters 6; Bell 7, White 4*, Porter 6, Normandy 6; Ya 5, Woods 5, Ze Bulliao 4**.
Subs. Van Bruin (45mins) 6* ; Hansen (68mins) 5**
Ref: Binky McGee {STAR} 4

MD 3:
Halfassed 2 (Woods 58; Ya 81)
Northbank 0
Fleetfoot 8; Sleet 7, Smithers 7, Peters 7; Bell 8, White 7, Porter 6, Normandy 7; Ya 8, Woods 9, Ze Bulliao 7.
Ref: Isobe Akinori {ESTH} 7

MD 4:
Esth 0
Halfassed 3 (Ya 5; Ze Bulliao 42, 78) {Smithers booked}
Fleetfoot 6; Sleet 7, Smithers 6, Peters 8; Bell 9, White 7, Porter 7, Normandy 8; Ya 8, Woods 7, Ze Bulliao 9.
Ref: Steven Farm {OMNI} 6

MD 5:
Snub Nose 38 0
Halfassed 3 (Ze Bulliao 38; Bell 56; Ya 59) {Sleet, Porter and Normandy booked}
Fleetfoot 8; Sleet 5*, Smithers 8, Peters 8; Bell 9, White 7, Porter 7, Normandy 7; Ya 9, Woods 8, Ze Bulliao 8.
Sub. Bowman (45mins) 7*
Ref: Devon Parker {BED} 8

MD 6:
Halfassed 0 {Sleet, Peters, Bell, White and Ze Bulliao booked; White sent-off - 2nd yellow}
Svecia 2 (Solskjaer 12; Belagt 15)
Fleetfoot 7; Sleet 5, Smithers 6, Peters 4; Bell 5, White 7(off 73mins), Porter 7, Normandy 5; Ya 5, Woods 5**, Ze Bulliao 4*.
Sub. Crooks (56mins) 5*; Gunnett (74mins) 4**
Ref: Ben McCellan {SGA} 4

MD 7:
The Eagles Nest 3 (Horace 34; Secour 57, 74)
Halfassed 0 {Gunnett and Porter booked}
Fleetfoot 6; Sleet 6, Smithers 5, Peters 7; Bell 7, Porter 6, Normandy 6, Gunnett 5; Ya 5, Woods 6, Ze Bulliao 6.
Ref: Milaibao Toibna {TUR} 7

MD 8:
Wapahkoneta 0
Halfassed 2 (Ze Bulliao 29, 58) {Bell, Woods and Normandy booked}
Fleetfoot 9; Sleet 8, Smithers 7, Peters 8; Bell 6, White 7, Porter 7, Normandy 6; Ya 7, Woods 6, Ze Bulliao 9.
Ref: Trevor Stalin {CH} 3


OCC: will get a decent rp sorted tomoorow - just home and passing out

Le LIBRE

Eauz explodes out of Slump... at least for now

The frustration of the last 3 matches was getting to the mental part of the Eauz game, and everyone wanted to see the slump erased. For Les Bleus, restarting in the second half against the easy section of the schedule meant a good thing. Les Bleus were flown to The Evil Umpire nation by their national airplane, as the government keeps the country in the shadows. Les Bleus had to wear blind folds during the flight, until they reached the destination. They were escorted to the stadium by bus. The Stadium name was the National Stadium/Execution Ground. There was quite a bit of blood left over as the maintenance was not very good at cleaning up things. Quite possibly, it was to intimidate the other team. The national anthem for The Evil Umpire was played, but the Eauz anthem was not. The Eauz officials were upset about this, but didn’t let it affect them. Les Bleus started the match, without their coach who was suspended for the match for arguing with the referees. Refereeing the match was Gurg from Abysmalistan and his team. According to their record, they are average on strictness and do not call a fair match. Les Bleus hoped he would be on their side.

The Whistle blew, and Les Bleus gained control of the ball, off of an easy tackle by Michël Thorain. Brining to ball up, he kicked it to Gabrielle who was open on the right side. She let go of a long shot, which looked to go in, until the Holy India Tea Bag got a hand on the ball, sending it out of play. A free kick was taken, only to be headed away. Les Bleus defence though regained control of the ball and kept on the assault. Les Bleus looked a lot stronger in the first 20 minutes of play than they have in the last 270 minutes of play. During the 25th minute of play Alia let go of a hard shot which went over the head of the TEU keeper, and into the net. One said they could see fire on the ball is it sailed into the net. Les Bleus went up 1 – 0 and it was a good sign for Les Bleus offence. The match continued, and so did Les Bleus attack. Josef Tea Bag tackled Olivier Douveaux, which apparently looked like a good tackle, but Gurg blew the whistle and immediately raised the red card. The whole stadium could not believe the call, and nor could Douveaux, who was pretending to be hurt. Fans became mad and started throwing things on the field and calling Gurg names. He brought out a big box of red cards, and wrote up more red cards for TEU’s players. A total of 3 players were written up, due to the way the crowd acted. This left TEU with only 8 players on the field. Les Bleus would capitalise on the lack of players, creating more opportunities to go ahead. Alia brought the ball into the penalty zone, and was tripped up, giving Eauz the free kick. The free kick was taken, as Alia used a trick out move to score the goal, putting Les Bleus up 2 – 0 at the 37th minute of play. The first half dwindled down as TEU had only 1 shot on goal, as the team tired due to the constant Eauz attacks. During injury time, Les Bleus got a corner kick, which went over the group in front of the net, but to Vasser who kicked the ball past Holy India Tea Bag. Giving Les Bleus a 3 – 0 lead at the 45 (+2:40). For Les Bleus this was a big explosion of offence since struggling to find itself.

The Second half started with the weak TEU who was down 3 players and in risk of abandoning the match with one last card. Due to this, TEU were playing very conservative and aware, as they would left some plays go, and not touch the ball or even try to defend well. Les Bleus knew they had TEU on the ropes and Henri Manners sent a long high kick into the TEU zone. Rousseau fought for the ball, gaining control, and passing it out to Alia who kicked the ball, which hit the post. It appeared from everywhere that the ball had gone past the line, and bounced back into play, but Gurg would not have it. Alia was pissed and argued with Gurg, who lifted out a red card and glued it to Alia’s jersey. The red card came around the 55th minute of play, leaving Les Bleus short one of their stars. Les Bleus though did score during the 60th minute of play as Rousseau got through the weak TEU defence, tapping the ball weakly as he fell on the ground. He looked to be tripped up, but the Gurg would not accept it. The ball though did go into the net, giving Les Bleus a 4 – 0 lead. The strong Eauz offence was preventing any real attacks from TEU’s offence, which had up to the 79th minute of play, only lightly challenged Rousoi with 3 shots in total. The 82nd minute of play, Les Bleus got their final goal of this landslide match, as Vasser was on the left side of the field. He let the kick towards the goal go, which deflected off of a TEU player, going the opposite direction of the keeper, giving Les Bleus the 5 – 0 lead. Les Bleus would not look back, and TEU would not provide much else from their arsenal, as Les Bleus ended their slump, at least for today. Les Bleus looked amazing in this match, but must understand that the team they were playing is not like Melmond and Spaam. The match though did regain a lot of the players confidence in their offence. They will need it back to finish off the end of this qualifying round strongly.

The next match for Les Bleus will come back at home against Slaikau who seems to be challenging for that final position in the qualifying round. They currently are 4th but one must remember that the 3rd and 4th will play a playoff match. So beign 4th or 3rd will not matter. Les Bleus will hope to take a victory in this match to stay close to Melmond and Spaam, and possibly get themselves into an auto-qualifying position.


---Group 3----
[1] Spaam 8 6 0 2 24-12 18
[2] Melmond 8 5 2 1 21-7 17
<3> Eauz 8 5 1 2 21-10 16
<4> Slaikau 8 4 1 3 11-16 13
5- The Evil Umpire 8 4 0 4 14-17 12
6- Oaker 8 3 2 3 14-10 11
7- Insane Inflation 8 1 1 6 8-21 4
8- Qia 8 0 1 7 8-28 1


Schedule

Match Day 1: The Evil Umpire @ Eauz W 0 – 3
Match Day 2: Eauz @ Slaikau W 2 – 0
Match Day 3: Qia @ Eauz W 1 – 4
Match Day 4: Eauz @ Insane Inflation W 4 – 2
Match Day 5: Spaam @ Eauz L 2 – 1
Match Day 6: Eauz @ Oaker T 2 – 2
Match Day 7: Melmond @ Eauz L 3 – 0
Match Day 8: Eauz @ The Evil Umpire W 5 – 0
Match Day 9: Slaikau @ Eauz
Match Day 10: Eauz @ Qia
Match Day 11: Insane Inflation @ Eauz
Match Day 12: Eauz @ Spaam
Match Day 13: Oaker @ Eauz
Match Day 14: Eauz @ Melmond

TIGERS LEARN FROM THE PAST

Kylaai - The Tigers made up for the bad performance of Matchday one and defeated Kylaai with 1-3. A good Tadjikistan made the gamen, Zhukov went offensive with his team and chose 3 forwards; Timoshenko, Suvorov and Cherniakhovskij and gave up one defender, Zhilenkov. Zhukovs change in tactics came as a surprise to everyone, he and his predessessor Triandafillov usually fielded 4 defenders. The Tigers took advantage of the shock it created and drove the Kylaaians back to their own side of the field.
The Tigers used fast combination football and made its first goal in the 25th minute. Timoshenko scored with the help of Suvorov and Cherniakhovskij. Pliiev scored 5 minutes later when he got away from his guard and moved over the left side where he found himself unopposed.
Kylaai came back into the game in the second half and the Tigers really had to defend now. Kylaaian fans helped their team abit and they scored in the 60th minute. A goal by Vimorta. The Tigers decided to secure the three points and put everything on the offensive. A first shot from Suvorov goes over in the 67th minute. But he gets a second chance from Pliiev 3 minutes later. Pliiev makes him run over the right side and gives him a pass just before he gets to the last Kylaaian defender Tirar, Suvorov misleads him and scored with a shot in the left corner of Nania's goal.
The Tigers kept to their agressive style and kept searching for a fourth goal until Melmondian referee Hughes ended the match. The Tigers took their fourth win and took the third position in the group from Dennisov. The Tigers have to break away from Nastic 2 and Dennisov, the best way to do that is by wining against Artoonia, 7th with only 5 points.

Kylaai 1 - 3 Tadjikistan
(referee: Irv Hughes(MEL))

Goals:
Timoshenko 25'(0-1), Pliiev 30'(0-2), Vimorta 60'(1-2), Suvorov 70'(1-3)

Kylaai:
Nania, Tirar, Burrito, Frito, Max, Sun, Moria, Fleiam, Fell, Kazu Vimorta

Tadjikistan:
Yashin, Kuznetsov, Managarov, Gromov, Pliiev, Bagramian, Pavlov, Chuikov, Timoshenko, Suvorov, Cherniakhovskij


---Group 1----
[1] Total n Utter Insanity 8 6 2 0 17-6 20
[2] Lemmitania 8 5 1 2 20-8 16
<3> Tadjikistan 8 4 1 3 17-10 13
<4> NASTIC 2 8 4 1 3 15-10 13
5- Dennisov 8 4 1 3 10-9 13
6- Kylaai 8 3 2 3 11-11 11
7- Artoonia 8 1 2 5 5-17 5
8- Pterodactyl 8 0 0 8 3-27 0


MD1: Tadjikistan - Kylaai L 1-2
MD2: Artoonia - Tadjikistan W 0-3
MD3: Tadjikistan - Pterodactyl W 4-0
MD4: Dennisov - Tadjikistan L 1-0
MD5: Total n Utter Insanity - Tadjikistan D 2-2
MD6: NASTIC 2 - Tadjikistan W 1-2
MD7: Tadjikistan - Lemmitania L 2-3
MD8: Kylaai - Tadjikistan W 1-3
MD9: Tadjikistan - Artoonia
MD10:Pterodactyl - Tadjikistan
MD11:Tadjikistan - Dennisov
MD12:Tadjikistan - Total n Utter Insanity
MD13:Tadjikistan - NASTIC 2
MD14:Lemmitania - Tadjikistan

Starblaydia Ready to Wreak Revenge on Sarzonia
Silverlands to be rocking for visit of the 'Stars'

Question: "What do you call a balanced Sarzonian?"
Answer: "One with chips on both shoulders."

As this 'joke' does the rounds in Starblaydi sports-circles, Starblaydia make their final preparations for the visit of Sarzonia. Despite being compared to the latest highly-successful medium-spanning cartoon/computergame/cardgame/movie phoenomenon, the team still appear to take offence.

Sergeit Ivanov of Tadjikistan has been confirmed by the Starblaydi FA as the referee for tonight's match. Noted for being a fair enforcer of the rules, Ivanov is sure to keep the match at an even pace as he earns the respect of the players, one of the referees who has accomplished that in recent times.

The 55,000-capacity Silverlands stadium is already sold-out for the match, with not a single seat remaining. Be sure to stay tuned to SCB Sports for all the latest news and reaction for the crucial Starblaydia Vs Sarzonia match.

http://www.dirt-racing.com/3wide/sites/vilita/vn/tn/logo.gif

Turori [4]-[0] Ravea

----------------------------------------


-------------------The Turori Eels finally moved closer to the playoff zone with a victory over Ravea. The Eels now face Haperd, Eystrck, Pedriana in sucession and will look to get 9 points from these lower-ranked teams to allow for any slipups in the final 3 matches and still get through to the finals.

-------------------We know we have gotten 3 points from this match but we are not 100% on the scoreline. If in fact we did win 4-0, then maybe the goalscorers were Akamoari Liano, Akamoari Liano, Akamoari Liano and Cuolia Tuirma. And Maybe Liano's first goal was scored in the very first minute of the game. Then maybe Jualiar Vumaou took a few shots, but all of them missed, poor git. But hey then theres big bad Liano swiping back to score another and steal Vumaou's thunder as usual, putting the Eels 2-0 up. And of course where would we be without the goal that was called back, and who would it be called back from other than Jualiar Vumaou.

-------------------Then maybe we could traditionally start a new paragraph simply because there is a new half. What else to do at the half but to make substitutions right? Of course. So we'll say Nikki Inostraza gets to play, because Vumaou keeps missing and it will give Blade more to write about, and we'll put in Jarod Dreka too, but just because we hate defenders, we'll take out Kiatin Likao, a Defender, and let Jarod Dreka play defensive midfield... Or should Miluao Slietah play Defensive Midfield? Sure. Dreka in net, Slietah in midfield. Now to update the scores. We've had two already right? Ok. Alright see now that didn't work because I have the sheet set to do Substitutions, now I just added Inostraza in and it wants to sub him out. That's why I should have just stuck to what the sheet said to begin with. Now I have to refresh until there are just two second half goals, and Inostraza doesnt get subbed out when I just put him in... Alright F9..F9...F9.....Yea we all know it's come up a few times already... but we want Slietah to score, so we just keep F9ing.... Ah! There it is.. but damnit now it's got Linoi Niabula scoring... we don't like him... F9 again... There Blade will like this one... wait damnit, "#VALUE!" error on the goal time... F9.... CRAP! I had one and i was going to fast it skipped over it.... THERE! alright... so Liano doesn't have a hattrick... anyway back to the story.

So Inostraza comes on at half time for Vumaou, and the Eels attack again, and maybe theres a shot from Liano and it goes in everyone cheers yay Liano scores, but then see, they look at the tape, and ::gasp:: It came off Inostraza's foot! There it is, his first Senior goal... We don't like Linoi Niabula so take him off and throw Rikko Ambama in, whala! The final sub. Oh, yea, 89th minute, What a story! Up for a corner kick, Milauo Slietah puts it in! His 4th career goal!... Gosh... I really hope the score was 4-0... :rolleyes:




Referee: Wilson Moore[Tippman]



Turori Eels (4-4-2) ::
[GK] Milauo Slietah, [D] Linoi Niabula, [D] Marlian Hunial, [D] Martika Ecspo, [D]Kiatin Likao [M] Tika Poloni, [M] Malaino Mumamba, [M] Yabaiy Tbaiao, [M] Cuolia Tuirma, [F] Jualiar Vumaou, [F] Akamoari Liano
BENCH::
[GK] Jarod Dreka, [D] Maratima Tareak, [AM] Kabaofo Iobabao, [U] Ugo Doohan, [M] Rikko Ambama, [F] Mika Sakatorra [F] Nikki Inostraza


----------------------------------------
RESULTS AND OTHER INFORMATION
----------------------------------------


All Turori Home matches to be at:: Almintora National Stadium, Almintora, Turori (Unless Otherwise Noted)

Turori::[6-0]-Ravea
Turori::[1-2]@Haperd
Turori::[0-1]-Eystrck
Turori::[2-2]@Pedriana
Turori::[0-2]@One Red Dot
Turori::[2-1]-Gesamtkuntswerk
Turori::[0-0]@Rejistania
Turori::[4-0]@Ravea
Turori::[X-X]-Haperd
Turori::[X-X]@Eystrck
Turori::[X-X]-Pedriana
Turori::[X-X]-One Red Dot
Turori::[X-X]@Gesamtkuntswerk
Turori::[X-X]-Rejistania



--------------------------------------------------------------------
Ao1b(8 ............... OouYvaiVYaqkBWjwIIOB ............. 001092019726X9

Exciting Game, but Still No Win
Pedriana, ORD in six-goal thriller

The first hat trick in Pedrian history came about as a result of World Cup qualifying matchday 8 against One Red Dot. Paris Canetta put his Pedriana Llamas ahead 2-0 going into halftime, but the One Red Dot Wolves pulled back three early in the second half to take over the lead. Only a penalty kick minutes from the end could salvage a point for Pedriana.

"Another great performance," commented Olé Retaguma afterward. "We almost certainly won't qualify, but we can certainly be a spoiler to the bigger sides in this group."

[OOC: Sorry for the brevity, been a little busy today.]

Matchday 9 Scores Posted:

SCORES THREAD (http://forums2.jolt.co.uk/showthread.php?t=356281)

Soccer international: Liverpool England

In Soccer International, the KaMaRi Update presents interviews with important positions in the soccer-scene abroad. This time, Meyira Sana interviewed the coach of Liverpool England: Sirx, who is also called Sirx from Abysmalistan.

MS: Hello Mr Sirx!
Sirx: Hello Mej...
MS: You can say Mej, if you have difficulties with my name
Sirx: not-too-bad. I still have difficulties with these long names
MS: You mean names from outside of Abysmalistan?
Sirx: yes.
MS: Are you satisfied with the performance of Liverpool England?
Sirx: Absolutely not! I was ordered to make the team fail to qualify and I failed horribly! The philosophers failed to lose a match. 0-2 in nine matchdays is not enough!
MS: 0-2?
Sirx: Oh, I used Abysmali notation, 7-2-0 for you.
MS: Who gave you the order to make the team miss qualification?
Sirx: Hey, err Ha~e.
MS: Hangila?
Sirx: Yes, the team manager. But well, he won't be too disappointed, Abysmalis fail at anything they attempt and he knew that.
MS: Is Ha~e Hangila used to the Abysmali way to think?
Sirx: Like no other. He organised that little hut in an oddslavan swamp for me to dwell in, a really abysmal place.
MS: who is your major disappointment in the national team?
Sirx: Dominic Dirosa, he is clearly overarchieving!
MS: So why does he play in most matches?
Sirx: Because i am still hoping that he will deprove
MS: Improve you mean?
Sirx: no deprove, as in: 'getting worse'
MS: Oh... thanks for the interview, Mr Sirx!

Makinshakes Presents...
The Ketchup Times
Now you can eat your fries and read the latest news around Melmond!

Disappointments Continue Domination Against Insane Inflation
The Melmond National Team was back at full strength as they went to Insane Inflation to play against a team who calls themselves the Trillionaires. The stadium was filled with an entirely pro-Melmond contingent, taking advantage of the weakness of Insane Inflation currency, the totally inflated yen. The Melmond National Team just completely outclassed the Insane Inflation side, who's spirits were defeated by the lack of fan support at their home stadium and were just no match for the organized talent of the Disappointments. Goals started quickly at the 7th minute as Tim Remans' strike makes the match 1-nil Melmond early on. Remans add his second goal of the match at the 23rd minute, making the score 2-nil Melmond. At the 39th minute, Melmond defender and captain Jonsi Torrini treated the Melmond football faithful to a treat on a corner kick as he unleashed his Acosta-Audioslavia arc which went right past the goalkeeper from the corner. Melmond takes a 3-nil lead into the half. They made three substitution to get lesser used players in the match. One of those players were able to get a goal as Jamie Prior scores her second goal in as many international matches in her career to put Melmond up at the 59th minute with a commanding 4-nil lead. However, Tim Remans was not going to stop until he got his trick, and it would happen at the 80th minute. Melmond gets the dominating 5-nil lead over the struggling Insane Inflation side.

Evil Tea Bags Boiled, 8-Bit Foiled by Caffeine-Starved Capitalizts
The second match between Melmond and The Evil Umpire was also a match played in a neutral site. The match was played in Noka Communications Stadium in the city of Aeropag, which was chosen for its safety as it was on an island. The Evil Umpire was up to their old tricks again, and knowing that they were in Commerce Heights, they knew they could make all kinds of bribes that can go in their favour. They allowed some of the players on The Evil Umpire bench throw rocks and garbage and blast a horrid mix of early 90's novelties such as Vanilla Ice, Color Me Badd, and Michael Bolton over the PA. The Melmond National Team was really struggling dealing with all the projectiles being thrown at them as well as them cringing in pain now and then from the seemingly non-stop cycle of "I Wanna Sex You Up" playing on the PA in the first part of the first half. However, a quick rainstorm happened and the PA shorted out and the Evil Tea Bags started to eminated the smell of fresh tea leaves which eminated throughout the stadium and over the entire city of Aeropag. Suddenly, hordes of red-eyed Capitalizts who were in a desperate need of an energy boost in order to keep at their high-paying jobs starting rushing toward the tea aroma coming from the stadium with giant vats of boiling water being carried. The giant vats were being poured over every player for The Evil Umpire and the Capitalizts were desperately sopping up any taste of tea they can get from the pitch. The best tasting was Holy India Tea Bag, who some Capitalizts said tasted "regal." The worst tasting was Vamphir Tea Bag which many people said tasted like "blood and other various crap." The Evil Tea Bags were never the same after getting themselves doused with the boiling water as they were carrying excess weight and their supporters have ran out of rocks and garbage. Melmond started turning on the attack in the second half. At the 61st minute, Melmond striker Ofjssnsj Xrnym dribbles and sprints past The Evil Umpire defence and nails a shot right past The Evil Umpire goalkeeper for a 1-nil lead. At the 79th minute, Melmond midfielder Cristina Antunez had her pass to Xrnym returned to her and Antunez made a finish of her own to make the score 2-nil. Everything was capped off at the 85th minute as after a red card coming from the blatant high trip made by The Evil Umpire defender Vlad Tea Bag on Melmond midfielder Alfred Smith. Smith was in a world of hurt, but was able to convert the penalty as the infraction was in the goalkeepers box. Melmond once again not only survives the onslaught of The Evil Umpire, but the match as well as they win it 3-nil. With that victory and Spaam's tie, Melmond has taken over first place in Group 3. It is the first time every that Melmond has ever held first place in their qualifying group. Slaikau is next and they have been overacheiving as of late.

(ooc: if anyone can post or telegram me a group 6 table in non-code form, i'd be very grateful. I can't read the nested code tags even by quoting the post. Thanks in advance.)

The Tanah Burung Crocodiles have been battered by the news of war at home and the travels that has necessitated to a host of other lands, since home games are impossible in a war zone. The results are distinctly mixed. Some highlights and lowlights:

Tanah Burung [0] Dead Man [1]

The Crocs played their "home" opener in the frozen wastes of Kalaallit Nunaat, best known for its ice hockey fervour and lack of heated stadiums. The result was a single goal, scored almost by accident when a high arctic wind blew the ball past keeper Liam McDuff-Torres as he struggled to resist hypothermia. The Crocs have no plans to return to the land of Mad President Susan Aglukark.

Omniworld [0] Tanah Burung [2]
Tanah Burung [4] Omniworld [0]

Thank God for Omniworld, which obligingly came out on the losing end of a cumulative 6-0 shellacking. In Omniworld, the Crocs took an easy win based on a pair of goals by striker Nona Sumitro. The return leg, hosted by the Longhouse of Loro Sae in the Babble region, was notable mostly for the antics of Starblaydia refereee Binky McGee, who spent msot fo the match wandering the pitch exclaiming "Oh, look at the mountains!" When the Omniworld goalkeeper pointed out that the match was being played in an indoor stadium and the mountains were, in fact, small anthills on the pitch, McGee merely red-carded the man and forced Omniworld top play with no goalkeeper.

Tanah Burung [2] The Belmore Family [1]

This match took place in Asia, in the Borderlands of Chaos & Lambodia. Opened by King for the Month Survardarmanmahadiningrat XXVII, it featured a pyrotechnic display by rookie sensation Alvin Chipmonger. The Crocs were deluged by tens of thousands of small children selling pens and saying "please can i have a nickel mister, please can i huh huh?" Tanah Burung's currency, the loonie, is freely convertible but can onyl eb converted into other loonies, so the team was unable to oblige. Goals by Chipmonger and Sophia Grin spurred the Crocs to a result they have never achieved before in any sport: a win over the Belmore Family. "Hurrah," said coach Modesto Ruak Ruak.

Tanah Burung is still looking, desperately, for any country willing to host their home matches. The ideal candidate will be close to home and sell enough tickets so the Crocs can afford to bribe Margaret. Or possibly to bribe a hit man to take her out once and for all. Either way is good, really.

Squornshelous victorious in matchdays 8, 9

Pshychoes win for 8-1 overall spread
The Pschychoes shut out Ebon Hawk 2-0 in Matchday 8 to finish qualifying against that team with an 8-1 overall goals spread. "This was definitely a team we were able to outclass in this tournament," said coach Naylor after the game.
The scoring started in the 25th when Raskolnikov sent a shot on net from the top of the box that looked like a sure goal, but went wide off off of the goalkeeper's fist. On the ensuing corner, however, Arnesson sent a ball curving across the goalmouth that Puente sent in on a header. Keiths closed out the game in the 49th with a goal on a deflection. Once again, Raskolnikov nearly scored, this time his shot went off the crossbar, coming back out to Puente. Puente fired, but weakly, and the keeper was able to kick it away, however, Keiths found the rebound and slammed it in.

Final Score:
Squornshelous 2-0 Ebon Hawk

Scoring Summary:
SQ: Puente [25]
SQ: Keiths [49]

Squornshelous Duplicates Matchday 2 Performance Against Islanders
Once again, The Isles of Wohlstand and Squornshelous met and once again the final score lay at 3-1 in favor of the Pschyhcoes. Raskolnikov came back from a two game quiet streak in a big way, delivering the games opening and closing goals. His first came early, in the 8th minute. Before the Wohlstandi defense had time to adjust, he beat Isaac Farnsworth on a long lob and sprinted downfield to another breakaway goal. I of W equalized later on a 19th minute corner kick. Mostava sent it curling into the penalty area and Al'Jabber was able to put it in, beating Delmore on the header. The game locked up for a while, with the ball spending a lot of time in midfield and neither team exhibiting much control, but Puente was able to break loose down the right side in the 41st and send a cross to Arnesson, whose play has been a little shaky at times this cup. He was solid as a rock here though, playing the pass into the net on the volley, past a diving Steiner. At halftime, with the score at 2-1, the mood was tense, neither side knew exactly who was in control of this one. This attitude remained in place throughout most jof the second half, with both teams failing to convert on some genuine opportunities. Puente sent a shot inches over the bar, and Gutermann whiffed on a kick from the backdoor on a corner. However, in the 68th, Raskolnikov showed a few moves to go with his pure speed. Recieving the ball at midfield with some room to work with, he dribbled forward, slowly being approached by Tariq Ferez. Suddenly, Raskonikov put on a burst of speed that left Ferez's head spinning. He continued forward, flicking the ball up over the head of Farnsworth, and running around the confused defender before he could adjust. From that point he was virtually unopposed, and ran into the box, firing from barely 10 meters out. Steiner couldn't even stand and watch this one, the ball was moving in a blur toward the corner.

Final Score:
Squornshelous 3-1 Isles of Wohlstand

Scoring Summary:
SQ: Raskolnikov [8]
IW: Al'Jabber [19]
SQ: Arnesson [41]
SQ: Raskolnikov [68]

Squornshelous' Scorers:
Raskolnikov: 11
Keiths: 6
Puente: 5
Arnesson: 2
Hicks: 1
Castillan: 1

Coming Up:
Sqournshelous will play cup newcomer Big Pimento in Matchday 10, it shouldn’t even be a contest. Last game, Big Pimento was able to hold the Pschychoes to 3-1. Don’t look for that again, with the minor tweaking done to the defense, we should be better prepared this time, look for a blowout.
Predicted Score:
Squornshelous 4-0 Big Pimento


Squornshelous' Qualifying Schedule:
Wins Losses Draws
MD01: Squornshelous 6-1 Ebon Hawk
MD02: Isles of Wohlstand 1-3 Squornshelous
MD03: Squornshelous 2-0 Big Pimento
MD04: Magnus Valerius 1-3 Squornshelous
MD05: Audioslavia 1-4 Squornshelous
MD06: The Weegies 1-3 Squornshelous
MD07:Squornshelous 0-1 Cockbill Street
MD08: Ebon Hawk 0-2 Squornshelous
MD09: Squornshelous 3-1 Isles of Wohlstand
MD10: Big Pimento v Squornshelous
MD11: Squornshelous v Magunus Valerius
MD12: Squornshelous v Audioslavia
MD13: Squornshelous v The Weegies
MD14: Cockbill Street v Squornshelous

Stars stab Blades, 2-1

Corinth, Starblaydia (ASP) -- The Sarzonian national team figured their return match against the Starblaydi national team in Silverlands Stadium would be a challenge. They figured to get the best shot from their regional rivals.

They were right.

The Stars got goals from defenders Emacio and Lance Alcina, both of whom play in the Starblaydi national league, and held on for a 2-1 win over their regional rivals to secure third place in the standings. The Stars sit two points behind first place Iansisle and second place Commerce Heights and one point ahead of fourth place Giant Zucchini.

"That was a huge win for our program," Coach Bryan Marshall said. "We still have five matches out of 14 yet to play, but this is a very important win for our side."

The Stars (6-2-1) improved to 2-1 against the Blades, who currently have a higher rank than the newer team from Sarzonia. The visitors drew first blood when Emacio blasted a shot past Starblaydi goalkeeper Rodriguez Da Silva on a counter attack in the 24th minute. Midfielder Darwin Russell set up the goal from Alcina in the 58th minute with a cross into the area that left the Starblaydi keeper no chance to stop it.

Starblaydia got one goal back in the 74th minute when striker Eomer Hall took advantage of a mistake by Hallad Reavers teammate Alcina and blew past him for a shot on goal that fooled goalkeeper Troy Perkins.

"We'll learn from that mistake," Emacio said after the match, "but we're through two of our four toughest matches in this stage with four points. If we can get one win or two draws in our next two matches, it'll be a big help for us."

The Stars host third seed and fourth place Giant Zucchini in a rematch of the last contest the Stars lost, a 2-0 setback in this Cup.

"We'll be ready," midfielder Darwin Russell said as he walked briskly toward the players' parking lot.

VILÄMNA DAGENS NYHETER

A ROYAL DRUBBING
King Karl-Heinz Friedrich and Svecikan royal family in attendance as Svecia roll over Esth

Svecia 4 Esth 1

VILÄMNA, Svecia - It´s not every day that one plays voetbal in front of the royal family. It was good then that the Lightning put on a show for them. Svecia revenged their 1-1 draw at Esth with a four goal output in the Rijksstadion.

As the first half drew to a close, Svecia was clinging to a 1-0 lead thanks to Mikael Solskjaer´s 30th minute header. But Svecia´s second half attacks tore gaping holes through the Esth defense.

Hanan Belagt found the back of the net barely three minutes into the second half when he took a beautiful through ball from Lars Svensson one-on-one with the Esth keeper Robert Wolhfgang. Ten minutes later in the 58th minute Mikael Solskjaer got his second goal of the match with a well taken free kick 30 yards outside the penalty area. His curling ball found the right side of the net, just outside the reach of a diving Wohlfgang to give the Lightning a 3-0 lead.

Esth cut the Svecian lead down to two goals in the 73rd minute after the Melmond referee, Irv Hughes, gave Esth a questionable PK. Replays showed the Esth forward, Li Ho Su, diving over the tackle, but Clinton Discroll converted the resulting penalty.

But it was too little too late, and Svecia made sure of the win and added a final goal in the 86th minute off a run by Joël Simão, who found the through ball from Solskjaer.

Svecia travels to Wapahkoneta for what hopefully will be a relatively easy game for the Lightning before they finish their qualifying campaign against El Cid, The Eagles Nest, the Halfassedstates, and finally Snub Nose.

Jeruselem Government News

All's a draw as Crusaders draw D2R

Jeruselem draw Dance 2 Revolution 2-2 in a battle to gain the play-off spots as the poor old Vorpal Bunnies got thrashed 7-0 by Krytenia. The top 2 also won their games. This game was critcal with the two spots locked up and Krytenia probably the other play-off contender.

An the end the 2 ALL draw was right result with both teams unable break the deadlock with the telling goal. D2R's finishing was less than stellar while the stacked D2R defense did not allow the Jeruselem attack to gain any momentum. However Jeruselem took any goal it could score and two goals resulted from defensive lapses.



Bedistan [3] Spurland [1]
Lovisa [2] Carthage and Troy [0]
Krytenia [7] Vorpal Bunnies [0]
Jeruselem [2] Dance 2 Revolution [2]

---Group 8----
[1] Bedistan 9 8 0 1 25-7 24
[2] Lovisa 9 6 2 1 23-9 20
<3> Krytenia 9 5 2 2 20-8 17
<4> Jeruselem 9 5 1 3 18-17 16
5- Dance 2 Revolution 9 4 1 4 15-15 13
6- Spurland 9 2 2 5 8-13 8
7- Carthage and Troy 9 2 0 7 12-22 6
8- Vorpal Bunnies 9 0 0 9 7-37 0

With the Colony Cup champions Avenging Altos performing astonishingly badly in qualifying proper, the inquest has already begun in the media.

Most blame a lack of RP-inin, with some suggesting this has been stolen by an evil group of sopranos and others saying that it has been sold for much-needed money: 'There is clear evidence that RP-inin has been traded between nations, and with the Altos being one of the poorest nations in FIFA it is no surprise that trading is taking place. Goals are not as important as cash in this country,' said one paper.

Others suggest the female players are being simply outmuscled. 'Most of the goals they have conceded have been from the air, where their lack of physical presence is most clearly exposed. A simple route-one game can destroy this side,' said Kanzi Raipap, of Progressa TeleSport.

Either way, the Altos are a team in crisis. Some wonder if they will ever become as good as the side that were one game away from making the playoffs for World Cup 12, the last to be co-hosted by the Progressans who still nominally rule the country.

Le LIBRE

Back to earth…

As Les Bleus escaped with a trampling of TEU’s national team, many experts have asked TEU to change their stadium name to “Le Stade des Bleus”. Nonetheless TEU officials were not happy with that idea. Les Bleus entered the 9th match day up in their 2nd match against Slaikau. The Eauz stadium was around 3/4th full as people didn’t view a match against a team they know as important. As Les Bleus came onto the field, people paid no real attention to it, as the Melmond/Evil Umpire match was being played on the field. It was probably the quietest entrance at an Eauz home match. Even though the fans were mesmerized by the Melmond/Evil Umpire match, the game had to begin. Reefing the match was Nuji Beili a Kaze Progressan, who was average with strictness, but was very good at calling a fair match. The match started, with the only sound coming from a lonely Kaze Progressan cheering in the stands for the referee of the match.

Early, Les Bleus found themselves on defence as the lonely Slaikau team attacked surprising Les Bleus. Slaikau forwards brought the ball up, Michël Thorain attacked, clipping the leg of the Slaikau forward. Nuji Beili did not blow the whistle, for the ball went back into the possession of Slaikau. Quickly after that play, a shot was taken, but Rousoi was there to block it out of play. Slaikau received a corner kick, which was taken, going over the heads of the group, and towards an Eauz player. Unfortunately, a Slaikau player fought the ball away, and kept on the pressure. Passing it out, a long kick was taken, which was deflected accidentally by another Slaikau player. The ball went towards the goal, only to hit the post, sailing back into play. 23 minutes of play passed and still the only sound was of a KP citizen cheering for his referee. So far, Les Bleus were being overpowered by a less experienced team. Moving towards the 32nd minute of play, Les Bleus got their offence on track as Éric Godenot brought the ball up the right side. Passed it up towards Gabrielle D'Aubigne who was situated near the middle of the field. She took a shot which went into the top left corner of the goal, giving Les Bleus a 1 – 0 lead. The goal though did not change much of the opinion of the fans, as they were still watching the Melmond/Evil Umpire match on the big screen. Les Bleus were quickly back on the offensive, with Alia bringing the ball back into Slaikau territory. Passing the ball to Vasser, a Slaikau defender attacked, missing completely the ball and hitting the legs of Vasser. Vasser was knocked over, and shaken up, but no injured. Nuji Beili blew the whistle, lifting up a yellow card. Alia did not believe it was only a yellow, but was not going to complain too much. With the call, the KP citizen came out of the stands and ran towards the referee in excitement that his favourite referee made a call. The crazy fan was dressed as a red card. The fan was taken by the Eauz police, taking him away. The fan though did get an autograph from the referee before being apprehended. The match continued with a free kick for Les Bleus outside of the penalty zone. Alia took the shot, sending it over the human wall, and past the diving Slaikau keeper. Les Bleus went up 2 – 0 at the end of the first half of play, despite the lack of fan support from their own fans, who were watching the Melmond/Evil Umpire match. Fortunately for Les Bleus, the match was about over by the time the second half started in their match, with Melmond winning 3 – 0.
The fans were ready to watch the match they paid for, but expected Les Bleus to be down by at least 3 goals by now. To their surprise, Les Bleus were leading 2 – 0. Many were pessimistic about this lead, and thought, Les Bleus defence would fall apart later in the match. The second half started and Les Bleus were once again on the attack, with Vasser in possession of the ball. Dooking out the Slaikau defence, he took the ball towards the goal, kicking it, only to be saved by the Slaikau keeper. The keeper waited a bit for his team to make it down the field, and kicked it long into the Eauz zone. A fluke in the Eauz defence, left one player open, who went towards Rousoi. In desperate need to prevent a goal of going in, Olivier Douveaux attacked the player, knocking him down. The referee saw this and awarded a free kick to Slaikau and a red card to Douveaux. This play was not smart on Douveaux part, as it put Les Bleus down 1 player and gave Slaikau a chance to get back into the match. The free kick was taken, tricking Rousoi who went right, as the kick went left, giving Slaikau their first goal of the match, making the score 2 – 1 for Eauz. Fans knew their lead was not for real, as they booed the Eauz team for such horrible play. Fortunately for the Eauz team, the goal came around the 85th minute of play, as the match was about to end. The match finished by the same score of 2 – 1, giving Les Bleus their 2nd victory in 5 match days.

The next match will be in Qia, as Les Bleus will travel there to meet up against the team they seemed to have the easiest time against, beating them by a 4 – 1 victory in the last meeting. Currently, Qia is sitting 8th place. Qia is close to being eliminated, as they sit currently with the potential of getting a total of 17 points. A victory for Les Bleus would destroy the dreams of Qia qualifying for this cup. Les Bleus though will have to use this match as a booster to their moral, as the matches against Melmond and Spaam which they had trouble with last time are coming up soon. Any loss against them could cost Les Bleus their chance of qualifying for the cup.


Tanah Burung is still looking, desperately, for any country willing to host their home matches. The ideal candidate will be close to home and sell enough tickets so the Crocs can afford to bribe Margaret. Or possibly to bribe a hit man to take her out once and for all. Either way is good, really.

The Nation of Eauz, who was great diplomatic and Social relations with Tanah Burung would like to host it’s national team matches in the city of Toustrouveux, situated on a lake near the TB boarder. This would provide easy access for TB citizens to cross over and watch the match. The matches will be played in Le Stade de Socialism which holds 69,436 capacity. Below is a map as well as information about some of the stadiums in Eauz.

http://www.angelfire.com/co4/eauz/std-eauz.html
http://www.angelfire.com/co4/eauz/images/map-eauz.jpg <--- btw... Angelfire hates showing pictures from it's own site, so copy the image and paste it into another window, don't click on it, otherwise you will see the Angelfire logo, which is not my country... :(


---Group 3----
[1] Melmond 9 6 2 1 24-7 20
[2] Spaam 9 6 1 2 27-15 19
<3> Eauz 9 6 1 2 23-11 19
<4> Oaker 9 4 2 3 16-11 14
5- Slaikau 9 4 1 4 12-18 13
6- The Evil Umpire 9 4 0 5 14-20 12
7- Insane Inflation 9 1 1 7 9-23 4
8- Qia 9 0 2 7 11-31 2


Schedule

Match Day 1: The Evil Umpire @ Eauz W 0 – 3
Match Day 2: Eauz @ Slaikau W 2 – 0
Match Day 3: Qia @ Eauz W 1 – 4
Match Day 4: Eauz @ Insane Inflation W 4 – 2
Match Day 5: Spaam @ Eauz L 2 – 1
Match Day 6: Eauz @ Oaker T 2 – 2
Match Day 7: Melmond @ Eauz L 3 – 0
Match Day 8: Eauz @ The Evil Umpire W 5 – 0
Match Day 9: Slaikau @ Eauz W 1 – 2
Match Day 10: Eauz @ Qia
Match Day 11: Insane Inflation @ Eauz
Match Day 12: Eauz @ Spaam
Match Day 13: Oaker @ Eauz
Match Day 14: Eauz @ Melmond

Junis-omeh'ny min'la'milhan alte

Lasane'het rejistaniha mi'la'hexere sijon'jet milhan'ra Eystrck'ja. Milhan mi'la'aru estadije'ra SLS-R, KaKaRi'ra. Lasane'het eystrck mi'la'aru ly invyji'ra divisasi ji mi'ma'ta kanvali jolu. Junis-omeh'ny min'la'sono'ta ji min'la'jisu'ta kanvali'jet. Mesu'he rejistaniha min'la'aru alnany mesu'he eystrck estadije'het'ra.

Lasane'het mi'la'milhan sistenha karela. Lasane eystrck mi'la'ma'ta xkora hantes. Mi'la'milhan devensi yi, nilnany rejistaniha derixe. Vana'he karela mi'la'ki jilih lasane'het'tes. Milhan'het mi'la'mesu xansa veka ly aji. Dake minuti'ny la, xkora mi'la'aru nil-ja-nil. Mesu'he vesi min'la'unidu milhan'jet.

xkora'het:
Rejistaniha nil
Eystrck nil

Ilatera: Marco Bindschädler, Liechtenistan'tes. Han-ines KaMaRi eha: 5

Ooops, someone put the article from the national edition of the KaMaRi han-ines into the RP-machine, don't we have the international one? Yes, I know that the han-ines is called 'update' internationally, do we have it? yeah, then insert it! what do you mean by 'a dog ate it'? Then translate it yourself!

Orange-Blues only draw

The national team disappointed yesterday in the match against Eystrck. The match took place in the SLS R stadium in KaMaRi kali. Eystrack was third in the group tables and can not qualify directly. The Orange-Blues were still undefeated during the qualifiers. There were much more rejistanians watching the match than Eystrckans.

The Team (rejistanian expression for the Orange-Blues) played System Karela. The Eystrckans had no chance to score. They also played devensive, but much less defensive than the rejistanians. Karelian fans know that from their team. The match only saw three good chances. After 90 minutes, the score was still nil all.

The result:
Rejistaniha 0
Eystrck 0

Referee: Marco Bindschädler (Liechtenistan). KaMaRi Update rating: 5

TEN Wins 2 More

Strike Birds Now In Second Only By GS

The Strike Birds handled Northbank earlier today at home easily 2-0 with two goals by Horace, but everyone is still talking about the thriller at EL CID THE HERO a 2-1 win, that had some VERY controvertial situations.

Here is a tape editted version of that match to allow you to see what was going on.

"Well, today's match will be refereed by Rejistania's Siki Rej, internationally known for his strict deands and fair calls. This game should be fairly evenly matched. There go the Birds with their first attack, and it is easily knocked away by the ECTH defense."

.....

"ECTH is up 1-0 late in the first half and there goes Secour, down the side, he has a avenue...wait a minute, a foul called by Rej away from the ball? Amazing i didn't see anything, the offencive chance is lost, El Cid ball."

.....

"At half time now, we have a 1-0 score for EL CID THE HERO, and well, this game has had a few uncharacteristically bad calles, including one goal disallowed for the Nest.

"Actually, three goals or chances. I tell you That Rejistania ref still has it out against us from World Cup XV."

"Nonsense, I mean, Rej is reknowned for his fair play. Surely not. The first was a call away from the ball, we weren't looking, the second was a bordernline offsides call, and the third was that yellow card given to Gratunia. He's gonna get in a fight if he's not careful."

"Well, the second half started, and Horace has a run, but he's been called offsides. I mean look at this it's rediculous."

"Well, um, Horace was...by a tail."

.....

"Ten minutes into the second half, and Rej is looking a bit .....oh my goodness, he just collapsed on the ground. The referee has collapsed, and the game has been stopped.....looks like he's unconscious. We'll have to bring in the alternate ref, a *rummages some papers* Milaibao Toibna from Turori."

"Hey isn't she the one who vanished after that first game with ECTH?"

"Yep and there she goes onto the pitch as Rej is being carried underneath to get some medical attnetion. Play resumes."

......

"What a shot by Horace! it's tied at 1 with 5 minutes left to go. Amazing that didn't get called offsides."

"I keep telling you."

"Just hush, Secour has stolen the ball, and it's going downfield, and he's got a shot, blocked by a defender...OH Secour handbaleld I think Toibna was looking right at it, I expect a whistle...NO WHISTLE! She didn't see it! The ECTH defenders are alls creaming for the whistle, and not marking Secour, a shot...GOAL!!!! 2-1 Nest!"

"Amazing. Absolutely amazing."

-------------------------

It was later found out that Rej had traces of a tranquilizer in his system, and residue was found on his coffee cup in the referee's room. An investigation is pending, and ECTH has filed an official protest, but the WCC has stated that all results of matches are final.

TEN has matches against Esth and Wapahkoneta before closing out the campaign angainst three tough teams all fighting for position. Wins the next two matches are imperitive for their chances to move on.



*Shadowry Figure turns off the TV.*: Guido, make sure this investigation goes nowhere.

Stars christen new stadium to host Giant Zucchini

The Sarzonian national team began the final stages of preparations for their home leg against third seeded and current fourth place Giant Zucchini and prepared to christen a new stadium in Nicksia, Benatar.

The Nicksia Knights' official name for the stadium is the Round Table, but for this match, local fans are calling it "The Blender."

"This is going to be a huge match for us," said William Jaffers, a stockbroker in Nicksia who is attending the match. "We're going to need the whole stadium to be full."

The Knights are not used to full stadiums at home, as their team has only sniffed the playoffs once in the team's five seasons, so a sold out crowd looks to cause some logistical issues for the stadium staff. But Nicksia Mayor Chris Hollings said that shouldn't be an issue.

"We're working the traffic patterns as much as we can to try to ensure that fans will be able to get to the stadium in plenty of time," Hollings said. "We ask fans to arrive at the stadium early and give themselves plenty of time to get to the stadium."

Giant Zucchini is fourth in the eight team group in goal scoring with 21 goals and beat the Stars 2-0 at home in the third match for both clubs. The Stars have only scored 15 goals, but are tied for the group lead with only nine goals conceded. After conceding five goals in the first three matches and starting 1-2, the Stars have only allowed four goals in the last six, sporting a 0.67 goals against average.

Coach Bryan Marshall said that defender William Jackson has regained his fitness, but with the team playing well since his injury, the team will stay with the back four of Mike Coyle, Corey Hemby, Emacio and Lance Alcina.

"We'll use him if we need to make a defensive substitution," Marshall said. "But we've been playing very well on the backline. I don't want to risk losing momentum by taking Emacio and Alcina out."

Rejistanian referee Siki Rej has been announced as the center official for the match, and midfielder and team captain Bobby Convey hailed the announcement.

"He's arguably the best referee in the world, so that should be a big benefit for both teams."

Ebon Hawk? More like Chesney Hawks
'slaves avenge earlier defeatAudioslavia
----------------------------------------------
| 22 |
| Mancini |
| 2 15 20 |
| 6 Pearce Maier Johnstone 21 |
| O`Brien McKenna |
| 16 |
| 14 Kennedy |
| Marriot 11 |
| 18 Jaynes |
| Tessem |
| |
| 10 |
| Laver |

Audioslavia gained revenge last night on Ebon Hawk for their one-nil defeat of the 'slaves in October.

Fielding the same weakened side that had swept aside Magnus Valerius in midweek with two exceptions, ex under 21 goalkeeper Toto Mancini replacing Peter Andersson, and ex-first choice striker James Laver coming in for William Ryder.

Audioslavia battered the Ebon Hawk side from the off, forcing the opposition back into their own half and eventually into their own area. Tessem was able to let fly frequently from outside the box whilst Laver pulled off a superb header from a Marriot cross which went a fraction wide.

The first, inevitable goal came in the nineteenth minute. O`Brien took a short corner to Marriot, the tricky number fourteen spun round the full-back and whipped the ball into the box where Greigs Johnstone was waiting to nod home his first ever goal in Audioslavian colours.

The 'slaves continued to apply pressure, but would have to wait until the second half to get their second as Laver pounced on a throughball and finished into the corner.

From there on in the 'slaves relaxed and allowed Ebon Hawk to come at them, but ten minutes later Audioslavia further extended their lead on a counter attack. Greigs cleared towards Jaynes on the left wing, who sent over a hasty, hopeful ball up front to Laver who somehow managed to get a toe on it and poke it past the goalkeeper for 3-0

more to come

Matchday 2 result repeated as Sarzonia gain another 2-1 win
Starblaydia out of the top four as Iansisle go top

Eomer Hall drew level with legendary Nikola 'Laser' Lazerevski today as he bagged his fifteenth goal for his country. The towering Hall, 23, is looking on course to surpass even Simeone Di Bradini, who is four years older and also four goals in front with Nineteen goals.

All three goals were scored by Starblaydi-League players, all of whom play for up-and-coming Hallad Reavers in the Alpha Division, though two of them were Sarzonian, which somewhat spoilt the Starblaydi party. Eomer Hall, Lance Alcina and Emacio congratulated each other at the end of the match, Alcina and Emacio with high-fives, Hall with a mere shake of the hands and a conciliatory pat on the back.

Sergeit Ivanov of Tadjikistan controlled the game well, allowing play to ebb and flow as the players themselves waxed and waned. Though Starblaydia waned somewhat more than their opponents, it took a right-back and a centre-back to unlock the Starblaydi back-four. Commentators pointed to Michael Hawthorne, on the left side and still showing the signs of injury, as not fit enough for the match. He was so unfit, he had to be substituted at half-time for Vladimir Tsarev. This was not before Emacio had rushed up the field with Anton Gregor and caught Starblaydia napping after twenty-five minutes.

It was with half-an-hour to go that Tsarev failed to realise Darwin Russel had changed wings to the right, allowing him to slip by to receive a through ball. A quick pass-come-cross inside to the on-rushing right-back Lance Alcina produced the winning goal as he blasted it past Da Silva, who had no chance.

The one consolation goal was from Eomer Hall, of course, as he chased a long ball out wide. Lance Alcina couldn't decide whether to hold it in the corner or blast it down the line. As the only man back, Alcina should have sent it into Row Z. But, he hesitated and Hall used his speed and strength to rob Alcina and sprint towards goal. A wonderful chip over the Troy Perkins later and Starblaydia thought they were back in the match.

All was not to be, however, as Starblaydia couldn't break down the determined back-four of Sarzonia. Typical, really, a defence forged in the heat of the Starblaydi Alpha Division stopped everything the best Strikers in Starblaydia had to offer. We do it to ourselves, don't we?


Final Score:
Starblaydia 1 - 2 Sarzonia
(Hall 74) - (Emacio 24, Alcina 58)

Group 9 Results and Standings, Matchday 9:
Commerce Heights [2] Oceaice [2]
Iansisle [4] Liechtenistan [0]
Giant Zucchini [5] Pure Evil [0]
Starblaydia [1] Sarzonia [2]

[1] Iansisle 9 7 0 2 24-9 21
[2] Commerce Heights 9 6 3 0 23-9 21
<3> Sarzonia 9 6 1 2 15-9 19
<4> Giant Zucchini 9 6 0 3 21-15 18
5- Starblaydia 9 5 1 3 24-12 16
6- Oceaice 9 1 1 7 10-18 4
7- Liechtenistan 9 1 1 7 8-23 4
8- Pure Evil 9 0 1 8 7-37 1

MD00: .::WC17 Qualifying Schedule :: Starblaydi Stadia
MD01: Starblaydia 6-0 Pure Evil
MD02: Sarzonia 2-1 Starblaydia
MD03: Starblaydia 3-0 Oceaice
MD04: Liechtenistan 0-1 Starblaydia
MD05: Giant Zucchini 1-3 Starblaydia
MD06: Starblaydia 2-3 Iansisle
MD07: Commerce Heights 3-3 Starblaydia
MD08: Pure Evil 1-4 Starblaydia
MD09: Starblaydia 1-2 Sarzonia
NEXT: Oceaice Vs Starblaydia @ TBA
MD11: Starblaydia Vs Liechtenistan @ Bekkside Stadium, Tabeck (32,000 Capacity, Tabeck FC)
MD12: Starblaydia Vs Giant Zucchini @ Foundation Road, Jhanna (75,000 Capacity, Iskara Daii)
MD13: Iansisle Vs Starblaydia @ TBA
MD14: Starblaydia Vs Commerce Heights @ Jader Barbahlo Stadium, Jhanna (94,000 Capacity, Jhanna City)

Starblaydia Goal Tally:
Player Goals Total Goals
-------------------------------------
S. Di Bradini 6 19
E. Hall 6 15
J.J. Stark 3 5
A. Ol-wairain 2 7
R. Di Bradini 2 4
K. Robertson 1 3
C. Salisbury 1 3
M. Tissot 1 3
S. Hill 1 2
V. Tsarev 1 2

EL CID NEWS.
NEWS YOU CAN USE.

sports news

WE WAS ROBBED!!!!!!

With the Cids Lions 1-0 up with 5 mins to go it looked like thay could do the imposable again. but a hand ball by a TEN player and a blatent offside ended with the cids lions going away with no points.

"TEN had strayed offside for most of the match" Said Chris Skiner afterwards "and it is unfortunate that the ref turned out not to be as favourable as he was on the first match, but we played well and deserved 3 points from this mach"

Due to the way the world cup organisation is structured. El Cid can't appeal against the results. so the ECFA have decided to lance an investegation into the ref impartialness.

This unfortunate result seemed to repeat itself when a late winner form Barry Trotter was denied for him being offside, when the replay showed he was clearly wasn't.

The Cids Lions are now in fourth place the table needing to beat the teams that defeated them in the first week will they be able to tip the balance of power in the group keep reading to find out.

Matchday 1:The Eagles Nest v El Cid the Hero W 0-1
Matchday 2:El Cid the Hero v HalfassedstatesW 2-0
Matchday 3:Snub Nose 38 v El Cid the Hero l 3-1
Matchday 4:El Cid the Hero v Svecia l 1-2
Matchday 5:El Cid the Hero v Northbank W 2-1
Matchday 6:Esth v El Cid the Hero W 0-2
Matchday 7:El Cid the Hero v WapahkonetaW 5-1
Matchday 8:El Cid the Hero v The Eagles Nest l 1-2
Matchday 9:Halfassedstates v El Cid the Hero D 0-0
Matchday 10:El Cid the Hero v Snub Nose 38
Matchday 11:Svecia v El Cid the Hero
Matchday 12:Northbank v El Cid the Hero
Matchday 13:El Cid the Hero v Esth
Matchday 14:Wapahkoneta v El Cid the Hero

---Group 2----
[1] Svecia 9 6 2 1 20-6 20
[2] The Eagles Nest 9 6 2 1 19-8 20
<3> Snub Nose 38 9 5 2 2 19-13 17
<4> El Cid the Hero 9 5 1 3 15-9 16
5- Halfassedstates 9 5 1 3 13-7 16
6- Northbank 9 1 2 6 9-20 5
7- Esth 9 1 1 7 7-22 4
8- Wapahkoneta 9 1 1 7 8-25 4

Sowhatsville News

Halfassed draw blank and remain outside play-off spots

In what could go down as one of the most boring games of football ever played at international level, El Cid got the draw they needed to stay ahead of Halfassed in group 2.
Only 25,000 spectators turned up in the rain, and those that did probably wish they hadn't bothered as a determined visiting side pressurized the home players, and little was created in the way of serious chances.
Indeed it was the 42nd minute before a serious effort from Halfassed caused a stirring in those still awake in the crowd.
Young Bryan David, playing up front in place of the injured Woods, tirelessly ran his markers into every corner, unfortunatly the ball was rarely able to get through to him. It was David that had the best chance with the last shot of the half, clipping the outside of the post from the egde of the box.

Many of the fans must have thought it couldn't get any worse, they were wrong! Despite the best efforts of referree Moore to let the game flow, the second half became littered with stoppages. With ten minutes to go, the next talking point occurred when White got his second booking of the game, with a tackle on Brown. To be fair to White, it seemed as though he tried to pull out of the tackle, but the slippery conditions meant he clattered into Brown long after the ball was away.

MD 9:
Halfassed 0 {Sleet, White, Gunnett and Ya booked; White sent-off - second yellow}
El Cid the Hero 0 {Hunter.M, Hunter.J, Kiesl booked}
Fleetfoot 9; Sleet 6, Smithers 8, Peters 7; Bell 9, White 6, Porter 8, Gunnett 7; Ya 6, Ze Bulliao 7, David 8
Ref: Wilson Moore {TIPP} 8

6-1, a new record for the Tigers

Dushanbe - After a series of ups and downs the Tigers finally played at a constant level by beating Artoonia with 6-1. Zhukov used the same eleven players he used in Kylaai, a more offensive team against an opponent that expected a more defensive style. The Artoonians played offensive and hoped Tadjikistan used the same team they did on MD2.
The Artoonians none the less charged their enemies and surprised the staduim by scoring very early in the 12th minute. A goal made by Davo.
The Tigers were a bit worried and nervous, but they quickly got over it when Pliiev fired his first shot into Baho's hands in the 20th minute. Seven minutes later Bagramian won a duel with an Artoonian player and passed to Timoshenko. Timoshenko scored through the legs of an Artoonian defender and brought the Tigers back into the game.
In the 43th minute Cherniakhovskij scored his 47th for Tadjikistan from Pavlovs assist. Pavlov scored too, in the 7th minute of the second half. Artoonian Roberto Bruno got a red card for a hitting Kuznetsov in the face during a duel, probably by mistake but Tingitanan referee Garaliga disagreed and sent Bruno away. The Artoonians now realized they were defeated, and there was nothing they could do about it. They tried to keep the score as low as they could but they had no luck. Suvorov made a 4th Tadjik goal in the 68th minute with the head, during a cornershot and really ended Artoonia's match. Not for the Tigers though, they used the last 10 minutes to score two more goals, from Suvorov and Timoshenko.
A 6-1 brings Tadjikistan a step closer to qualification, but the struggle aint over yet. Nastic 2 and Dennisov are following at 14 points. The next match against Pterodactyl has to be won, Pterodactyl hasnt won a single game and we dont expect the to do that now. In the meantime we should hope NASTIC 2 fails to beat Kylaai. Lemmitania plays in Dennisov, if Dennisov wins, we'll catch up with Lemmitania. But when Lemmitania wins, then Dennisov stays at 14 points.

Tadjikistan 6 - 1 Artoonia
(referee: Faré Garaliga[TIN])
Goals:
Davo 12'(0-1), Tiomoshenko 27'(1-1), Cherniakhovskij 43'(2-1), Pavlov 52'(3-1), Suvorov 68'(4-1) 82'(5-1), Timoshenko 87'(6-1)

Tadjikistan:
Yashin, Kuznetsov, Managarov, Gromov, Pliiev, Bagramian, Pavlov, Chuikov, Timoshenko, Suvorov, Cherniakhovskij

Artoonia:
Baho, Zamenhofo, Gono, Palo, Kokro, Davo, Bruno, Argento , O-Liro, Davo, Ico


---Group 1----
[1] Total n Utter Insanity 9 7 2 0 21-7 23
[2] Lemmitania 9 6 1 2 25-8 19
<3> Tadjikistan 9 5 1 3 23-11 16
<4> NASTIC 2 9 4 2 3 16-11 14
5- Dennisov 9 4 2 3 11-10 14
6- Kylaai 9 3 2 4 12-15 11
7- Artoonia 9 1 2 6 6-23 5
8- Pterodactyl 9 0 0 9 3-32 0


MD1: Tadjikistan - Kylaai L 1-2
MD2: Artoonia - Tadjikistan W 0-3
MD3: Tadjikistan - Pterodactyl W 4-0
MD4: Dennisov - Tadjikistan L 1-0
MD5: Total n Utter Insanity - Tadjikistan D 2-2
MD6: NASTIC 2 - Tadjikistan W 1-2
MD7: Tadjikistan - Lemmitania L 2-3
MD8: Kylaai - Tadjikistan W 1-3
MD9: Tadjikistan - Artoonia W 6-1
MD10:Pterodactyl - Tadjikistan
MD11:Tadjikistan - Dennisov
MD12:Tadjikistan - Total n Utter Insanity
MD13:Tadjikistan - NASTIC 2
MD14:Lemmitania - Tadjikistan

The Aeropag Tribune - We're going to stop making up catchphrases to reduce costs

World Cup Report - Matchday 8
Commerce Heights @ Sarzonia
WOODSTOCK, SARZONIA - Since there were no available seats at Hendrix Stadium for the match against Sarzonia, Aeropag Tribune reporters were forced to watch the game on static-filled radios bought by the Sarzonian government from Abysmalistan. The announcers, when they could be heard, were hopelessly biased towards the Sarzonian Stars, and little mention was made of plays made by Capitalizt players. At halftime, the team got sick of the horrible coverage, and told the helicopter that brought them to Sarzonia to fly over to the stadium. The pilot was concerned that this might cause another Warnocks Wizards-style incident, with winds interrupting the game, but he was eventually convinced to do it by a §500 bill. They arrived over Hendrix Stadium in the 81st minute, and saw at least 4 goals scored by the Capitalizts before the game ended. The communist Sarzonians insisted that they 'needed' just as many points as CH, and set the score to 1-1. The actual score is estimated to be something near 20-1, but the exact numbers are uncertain, because nobody was there to watch.

Day Opponent Result
1 SARZONIA W 2-0
2 Oceaice W 1-0
3 LIECHTENISTAN W 3-1
4 Pure Evil W 7-1
5 IANSISLE W 1-0
6 Giant Zucchini W 3-1
7 STARBLAYDIA D 3-3
8 Sarzonia D 1-1
9 OCEAICE

[1] Commerce Heights 8 6 2 0 21-7 20
[2] Iansisle 8 6 0 2 20-9 18
<3> Starblaydia 8 5 1 2 23-10 16
<4> Sarzonia 8 5 1 2 13-8 16
5- Giant Zucchini 8 5 0 3 16-15 15
6- Liechtenistan 8 1 1 6 8-19 4
7- Oceaice 8 1 0 7 8-16 3
8- Pure Evil 8 0 1 7 7-32 1

Soccer international: Turori

In Soccer International, the KaMaRi Update presents interviews with important persons in the soccer-scene abroad. This time, Meyira Sana interviewed the coach of Turori, Mauritus Banda.

MS: Hello Mr. Banda.
Banda: Hello Sana'he.
MS: Oh, you know a bit rejistanian, impressive. Are you satisfied with the position of your team in the group tables?
Banda: I am not satisfied with the position, no. But despite being on 4th position, I think the Eels still have a good chance to qualify.
MS: What make you sure about this?
Banda: Internal changes made the team work a bit better together.
MS: I see. What are these 'internal changes'?
Banda: Are you asking this because the Orange-Blues will be playing us on Matchday 14? (he smiles slightly)
MS: No, out of journalistic curiousity.
Banda: After matchday five, (comment by the KaMaRi Update: when he replaced former coach Gisterfred Q. Disterfred) the team started playing more efficiently and avoided common mistakes which for example costed the victory against Haperd.
MS: I see. But since you mentioned the match against the Orange-Blues, what are your expectations after we held you down to nil-all in the Rejis?
Banda: The better team will win! We will see if the Eels can wind through the 'rejistanian wall' or if the match is an another example of nil-all soccer.

(a few days later)
KaMaRi Update sued

Mauritius Banda filed a lawsuit against the KaMaRi Update because the staff included in the interview a an occurance, rejistanian readers might not be aware of. The comment: "(comment by the KaMaRi Update: when he replaced former coach Gisterfred Q. Disterfred)" was seen as a false statement and changing the intent of his utterance.

Reporter Meyira Sana, who was responsible for this article refused to comment. It is most likely that the addition will be covered by the right to free speech, but if not, the KaMaRi Update will handle the affair with much discetion.

The Aeropag Tribune - We're going to stop making up catchphrases to reduce costs

[OOC: Dude, you're pissing me off with your changing the report of the game to suit what you want to write. If you want to write something like you just did, RP before your opponent does.]

[OOC: Dude, you're pissing me off with your changing the report of the game to suit what you want to write.
It's called 'propaganda'. Capitalizts don't want to read about how great Sarzonia is, therefore, to make more money, the Tribune lies, or the reporters lie, or they were mistaken. Or, as they want people to believe, they're right, and you were lying.
If you want to write something like you just did, RP before your opponent does.]
Well, I would, except that I have this thing called a 'life'. I don't really like it, but there's not much I can do about it. http://terranordalis.thirdgeek.com/images/smiles/icon_rolleyes.gif

[OOC: Dude, you're pissing me off with your changing the report of the game to suit what you want to write. If you want to write something like you just did, RP before your opponent does.]
Calm down, CH made a funny match-report, but one, which should not be taken seriously. Have another joint and smile about how CH can't accept the draw.

Matchday 10 Scores Posted:

SCORES THREAD (http://forums2.jolt.co.uk/showthread.php?t=356281)

*Matchday 11 on Thursday*

Ravea, despite having some of the worst possible scores of any team at the moment, nevertheless will valiently fight on!

:cool: Eystrck Beat Turori :cool:

Rejistania won!
Real RP to come, Sorry, I could not resist joining in!

TEN Knocks Esth Out Of Cup

Wapahkoneta Also Eliminated In Group 2

Yes yes yes, we won 2-1 over Esth. Now let's talk about the group scenarios.

Oh my, what a mess. With Nrthbank on the brink of elimination, only mathematically in it, 5 teams are fighting for 4 spots to play on. Svecia and The Eagle's Nest are in essence tied upon the top at 23 points, with only 3 goals seperating them. Their showdown during MatchDay 12 will be critical, with Turorian official Milaibao Toibna posted as the referee of record for that match.

3 Points behind, The hooligans are making a surprise run after their...well, strange run last cup. They hold a three point cushion over Halfassedstates and 4 over EL CID THE HERO. HAS and ECTH have already each other on the return trip, so they now have to hope the other team falters somewhere.

So what does TEN have to do to qualify? Well to outright qualify, it is almost a necessity that they defeat Wapahkoneta, Snub Nose 38, and Halfassedstates. If they lose or tie one of these matches, then a win over Svecia becomes even more crucial.

The Strike Birds have been on a roll recently, winning 7 of 8, and tying that game. Hopefully the roll they are on now can propell them to qualification. So our experts, yeah we asked them and they said the following:

"We believe that Svecia and The Eagle's nest will gain the automatic qualifiers. We also feel that Halfassedstates' schedule can give them problems, and will probably be odd team out for the playoff positions. ECTH and SN38 will make an excellent game. SN38 has 2 wins over them, but ECTH will be having something to prove. My Projected Table:



PREDICTION PREDICTION PREDICTION
(we don't want a lawsuit saying we lied or something.)

Pos Team P W D L F A GD Pts PP
1 Svecia 14 10 3 1 31 12 19 33 33
2 The Eagles Nest 14 9 4 1 28 13 15 31 31
3 Snub Nose 38 14 8 3 3 27 19 8 27 27
4 EL CID THE HERO 14 8 1 5 22 16 6 25 25
5 Halfassedstates 14 6 2 6 19 14 5 20 20
6 Northbank 14 2 3 9 15 28 -13 9 9
7 Esth 14 2 1 11 12 31 -19 7 7
8 Wapahkoneta 14 2 1 11 14 35 -21 7 7


When asked about the Vorpal Bunnies, TEN's colony, the experts just said:

"They're rabbits. I'm amazed they got into the cup in the first place. If they earn a tie, i'll be amazed."

Mandatory Rest breaks in the cup schedule will allow for all sorts of injuries to heal, and time for coaches to strategize. Tune in as the cup qualification rolls on in a few days.


TEN's Qualification Run:
Matchday 1: The Eagle's Nest vs. EL CID THE HERO Loss 0-1
Matchday 2: The Eagle's Nest @ Northbank Tie 2-2
Matchday 3: The Eagle's Nest vs. Esth Win 3-1
Matchday 4: The Eagle's Nest @ Wapahkoneta Win 4-1
Matchday 5: The Eagle's Nest vs. Svecia Win 1-0
Matchday 6: The Eagle's Nest @ Snub Nose 38 Tie 2-2
Matchday 7: The Eagle's Nest vs. Halfassedstates Win 3-0
-----------------------------------------------------
Matchday 8: The Eagle's Nest @ EL CID THE HERO Win 2-1
Matchday 9: The Eagle's Nest vs. Northbank Win 2-0
Matchday 10: The Eagle's Nest @ Esth Win 2-1
Matchday 11: The Eagle's Nest vs. Wapahkoneta
Matchday 12: The Eagle's Nest @ Svecia
Matchday 13: The Eagle's Nest vs. Snub Nose 38
Matchday 14: The Eagle's Nest @ Halfassedstates


Group 2 Standings
Pos Team P W D L F A GD Pts PP
1 Svecia 10 7 2 1 23 8 15 23 35
2 The Eagles Nest 10 7 2 1 21 9 12 23 35
3 Snub Nose 38 10 6 2 2 21 14 7 20 32
4 Halfassedstates 10 5 2 3 14 8 6 17 29
5 EL CID THE HERO 10 5 1 4 16 11 5 16 28
6 Northbank 10 1 3 6 10 21 -11 6 18
E Esth 10 1 1 8 8 24 -16 4 16
E Wapahkoneta 10 1 1 8 10 28 -18 4 16

Stars slice records, dice Giant Zucchini

Nicksia, Benatar (ASP) -- For all its dominance of the 16th Baptism of Fire Cup, the Sarzonian senior national team had never scored more than four goals in a match despite their Under 21 team's record of seven goals in one match.

There's a first time for everything. The Stars got their five goals in a match against a higher ranked Giant Zucchini side and avenged their 2-0 away loss with a 5-0 win in front of a sold out crowd at the Round Table, the home of the Nicksia Knights.

A hat trick from forward Brian Wilson and two goals from striker Anton Gregor only began to tell the story. The two Sarzonian front runners easily ran through a startled Giant Zucchini defense time and time again, and the Stars dominated nearly every facet of the match. Goalkeeper Troy Perkins only had to make three saves as the Stars peppered the Giant Zucchini goal with 29 shots, 15 on goal.

"That was as thorough a domination as we've ever seen Sarzonia display at the senior national team level," Coach Bryan Marshall said. "We were definitely a different side out there than we were the last time we faced them."

Wilson got the festivities started in the 12th minute when midfielder Darwin Russell was fouled in the box. Rejistanian referee Siki Rej immediately signaled for the penalty kick despite the protests of Giant Zucchini goalkeeper Platt and left center back Thunk. Wilson's penalty kick gave the Stars a 1-0 lead and the team never looked back.

Wilson struck again just four minutes later after midfielder Bobby Convey sent a free kick into the area that Platt tried to punch away. Wilson fired a left-footed shot that just skipped in off the right upright that did more than just give the Stars a 2-0 margin.

"I think it took the wind out of their sails," Wilson said. "They seemed to lose a lot of their fight after that goal."

Gregor scored the third goal of the match when he stole the ball from Thunk in the center of the pitch. He deftly dribbled ahead of the entire Giant Zucchini team and faked Platt to his left and chipped a shot over the fallen keeper. Just five minutes before halftime, the Stars had a 3-0 lead against Giant Zucchini.

Wilson struck again just two minutes after the start of the second half as Convey and Russell displayed great one-touch passing leading to Wilson's talley for a 4-0 Stars lead.

Gregor made sure of the record when he headed a rebound off a Russell shot in the 64th minute. The Stars continued to apply pressure after the goal, but they ended up settling for the five goals and the position three points clear of fourth place.

"We're now two points behind an automatic qualifying position," Marshall said. "We're going to go into the break with some good momentum, but we've got a tough match against Iansisle away."

The Stars beat Iansisle 1-0 at home, but figure they will have a much tougher go on the road.

"They're not a team you can just walk into their place and expect to beat them. They're going to come at us with everything they've got and we need to do the same," Wilson said.

What Gives?

Squornshelous suffer a letdown against Big Pimento
Matchday 10 brought another disappointment for Squornshelan fans as the Pschychoes struggled in Big Pimento. Squornshelous came out looking like a completely different team than has been seen in the first 9 games. They looked sluggish and unprepared. Their uninspired play fed right into the hands of the Pimentoans, who were eager to play spoiler. The game started on a bad note when Vilitan referee Motaak Otieno carded Quentin Harrisson for a sliding challenge in the 5th. The challenge looked clean, but Harrisson ended up with a yellow anyway. Although Big Pimento squandered the free kick opportunity, Otieno called another foul in the 13th. This one was against Otto Friedel. When Friedel complained about the call, Otieno nailed him with a yellow card for dissension. With the Squornshelan defense now playing a little more cautious, to avoid fouls, Big Pimento went on the offensive, and scored in the 23rd. Pierre Poivron took the ball up the right side, easily moving past Friedel, who was under the watchful eye of Otieno. He then centered the ball to Boris Valentine, who fired from the top of the box to score. This score remained until halftime, with the ref dominating more than either team, handing out two more yellow cards, one to Big Pimento's Valeri Sharapov and one to Darryl Hicks of Squornshelous.
The Pschychoes came out in the second half with some much needed enthusiasm, but couldn't seem to connect on their opportunities. In the 49th, Rodolfo Puente sent a low angle shot off of the goalpost, and Rasklonikov sent the rebound just wide. Raskolnikov also missed on a 57th minute corner kick, his header passing just over the net. As the game neared its close, things began to look grim for the Pschyhcoes. It started in the 75th minute. Bjorn Arnesson was given a red card for a hard tackle Tajiri Sukohara, and when Darryl Hicks protested the call, he was sent off with his second yellow card. Down by two players and one goal, Sqournshelous had no choice but to change to a 3-3-2 formation. They had a lot of difficulty controlling the ball, on account of their missing midfielders, and coudn't seem to start up the attack. As a last gasp, del Rio Perez sent a long goal kick down to midfield, where Raskolnikov was waiting. He recieved the kick, and raced down the field, side by side with Joni Kallio. Just as he was about to shoot, Kallio seemed to lean into him a bit. Both players went down and the ball rolled to Madhavapeddi as the stadium clock hit zero. Otieno had been left behind by the speedy players, but his assistant made the call: a penalty kick. THe ball was put in place and Rasklonikov walked up, and gave Madhavapeddi a long stare. The tension in the air could have been cut with a butter knife, as thousands of Pimentoan fans held their breath, praying for a missed shot. THere would be no such luck, Raskolnikov hammered the ball in as the keeper fell to the other side, and for the first time, a Squornshelan team went nuts at the prospect of a draw.

Final Score:
Squornshelous 1-1 Big Pimento

Scoring Summary:
BP: Valentine [23]
SQ: Raskolnikov [91] (pk)

Referee:
Motaak Otieno (Vilita) [8:2]
Our assesment: 3 out of 10

Squornshelous' Scorers:
Raskolnikov: 12
Keiths: 6
Puente: 5
Arnesson: 2
Hicks: 1
Castillan: 1

Coming Up:
Sqournshelous' next opponent is Magnus Valerius, the last "easy" game of qualifying. It is really essential that we win this one, as our lead in this group has dwindled from 6 points to 1. However, we believe that our team will react well to the pressure and put together a solid effort. The key will be staying focused and not looking ahead to matchday 12 against Audioslavia.
Predicted Score:
Squornshelous 4-1 Magnus Valerius


Squornshelous' Qualifying Schedule:
Wins Losses Draws
MD01: Squornshelous 6-1 Ebon Hawk
MD02: Isles of Wohlstand 1-3 Squornshelous
MD03: Squornshelous 2-0 Big Pimento
MD04: Magnus Valerius 1-3 Squornshelous
MD05: Audioslavia 1-4 Squornshelous
MD06: The Weegies 1-3 Squornshelous
MD07:Squornshelous 0-1 Cockbill Street
MD08: Ebon Hawk 0-2 Squornshelous
MD09: Squornshelous 3-1 Isles of Wohlstand
MD10: Big Pimento 1-1 Squornshelous
MD11: Squornshelous v Magunus Valerius
MD12: Squornshelous v Audioslavia
MD13: Squornshelous v The Weegies
MD14: Cockbill Street v Squornshelous[/QUOTE]

Aquiliana stays in the hunt for 4th
Group 5 going down to the wire

After a close 1-0 loss to Kingsford, the Falcons were able to bounce back and defeat Turnia 2-1, moving 3 points closer to them in a close race for 4th place and the qualifying playoff. Cuniculus and Flögel scored the goals.

"This was a crucial game, olbviously," said Flögel afterwards. "We're going to need to do better against the bottom of the group, though, than we did the first time around, if we need to qualify," referring to the Falcons' disappointing 1-1-1 record against the bottom 3 in the Group 5 table.

The team has 4 games to make up 3 points on Turnia, and they just may have a chance. Turnia plays the top 3 teams in the Group and Kipto-Mare, while Aquiliana plays the bottom 3 teams after hosting highly favored Liverpool England on Thursday night.

(Referees: Bindschädler - Average; Gurg - A few more bad calls in our favor)

(OOC: Sorry about the bad RPs as of late, I haven't had lots of time to write them when scores are posted late at night, and usually can't post the next morning.)

VILÄMNA DAGENS NYHETER

SURVIVORS
Svecia outlast Wapahkoneta, three game home stretch up next

Wapahkoneta 2 Svecia 3

Wapahkoneta - It wasn´t pretty, but Svecia got the job done. With only one away match left, the Lightning take their World Cup qualifying run into the home stretch.

Wapahkoneta and Svecia both traded blow for blow on the sunny pitch. Wapahkoneta drew first blow to the delight of the home crowd as forward Wesekahnee controlled a cross with his chest before volleying the ball home in the 18th minute.

Svecia equallized in the 26th minute as Hanan Belagt headed home a powerful header from Mikael Solskjaer´s corner kick. And in the 32nd minute the Lightning gained the lead off of Solskjaer´s strike from eight yards out.

Wapahkonet drew even again in the 82nd minute after a free kick was given by the Starblaydia referee Binky McGee, and midfielder Sowahquothe drove home a beautiful curving shot.

But Svecia got the last laugh of the evening and silenced the boisterous crowd who felt that Svecia might fold just as they almost did against Northbank and Esth. Hanan Belagt saved the day with a long drive in the 88th minute that banged off the post past a diving keeper and, collecting his own rebound, tapped the ball over the line to put Svecia up for good.

The Lightning and their fans are looking forward to playing El Cid and there is a buzz around the country as The Eagles Nest comes to the Rijksstadion on Wednesday for what could decide first and second place in Group 2.

A good begin is half the win

Tigers continue second round with 3rd win.

Pterodactyl - Pterodactyl remained without points in last position. Today they faced the Tigers, fighting for qualification. It was another chance for them to take some points, but the odds were against them. The Tigers continued on their elan and pushed the Pterodactyls back to their side of the field, they could not do much against the scoretrain Zhukov had started and soon found themselves defeated by the Tadjik strikers, it was Timoshenko who brought the 0-1 on the scoreboard.
The Pterodactyls got much support from their fans, who expected their team to take a point or more. But the Tigers took it all, in the 78th minute Cherniakhovskij scored number two for Tadjikistan, The Pterodactyls lost their tenth match and saw the Tigers walk away with the three points. Pliiev showed respect for his opponents after the game: "The Pterodactyls did significantly better then they did in our first encounter... their defense was well orgnaized. But we have some excellent players, they made the difference. I hope Pterodactyl can take some points before this round ends. They deserve better then this". They'll probably have to wait till MD12, i dont think they'll be winning their next one in Total n Utter Insanity.

Lemmitania lost its game with 2-1 in Dennisov, allowing the Tigers to catch up with them. The goal difference is all that stands between the both of them. And things are looking good for Tadjikistan. The Tigers will play their next three matches at home. The first opponent to visit the Tigers is Dennisov, fourth at 17 points. An excellent opportunity for the Tigers to protect their 3rd spot. Tadjikistans other rival, Lemmitania, is to meet Kylaai at home. Kylaai hasnt done to bad so far, lets hope they contribute to our objective by holding back the Lemmitanians.

Pterodactyl 0 - 2 Tadjikistan
(referee:Nuji Beili[KPG])
Goals: Timoshenko 20'(0-1, Cherniakhovskij 78'(0-2)

Pterodactyl:
Thawings, Ndown, Nlow, Tinround, Phigh, Nup, On, Otrun, Ngspan, Nadraft, Seattak

Tadjikistan:
Yashin, Zhilenkov, Managarov, Gromov, Pliiev, Bagramian, Pavlov, Chuikov, Timoshenko, Suvorov, Cherniakhovskij


[1] Total n Utter Insanity 10 7 2 1 22-9 23
[2] Lemmitania 10 6 1 3 26-10 19
<3> Tadjikistan 10 6 1 3 25-11 19
<4> Dennisov 10 5 2 3 13-11 17
5- NASTIC 2 10 4 2 4 16-12 14
6- Kylaai 10 4 2 4 13-15 14
7- Artoonia 10 2 2 6 8-24 8
8- Pterodactyl 10 0 0 10 3-34 0


MD1: Tadjikistan - Kylaai L 1-2
MD2: Artoonia - Tadjikistan W 0-3
MD3: Tadjikistan - Pterodactyl W 4-0
MD4: Dennisov - Tadjikistan L 1-0
MD5: Total n Utter Insanity - Tadjikistan D 2-2
MD6: NASTIC 2 - Tadjikistan W 1-2
MD7: Tadjikistan - Lemmitania L 2-3
MD8: Kylaai - Tadjikistan W 1-3
MD9: Tadjikistan - Artoonia W 6-1
MD10:Pterodactyl - Tadjikistan W 0-2
MD11:Tadjikistan - Dennisov
MD12:Tadjikistan - Total n Utter Insanity
MD13:Tadjikistan - NASTIC 2
MD14:Lemmitania - Tadjikistan

Starblaydia Reach Twentieth International Victory in Sixty-Seven Games
Leapfrogging of GZ after 5-0 Zucchini Demolition by Sarzonia

An interesting set of statistics collided today as In Starbladyia's Twentieth International Victory, their Record Top-Scorer Simeone Di Bradini scored his Twenthieth goal for his country. There was also a new International Record set for the biggest victory in International football as Iansisle went to Pure Evil and put Eight (8) goals past them, something Starblaydia took a game-and-a-half to do in their 6-0 and 4-1 wins over the Evillers already in this Group. More on these Records in a future Special Edition.

Sarzonia also demolished Giant Zucchini 5-0 in what must surely be their greatest Victory ever, while Liechtenistan also suffered the wrong end of a 6-1 defeat to former World Champions Commerce Heights. All in all, Starblaydia's 2-1 victory was the only 'regular' result in Group 9 yesterday, though it was special in its own way by the records set in that match.

Playing, largely, the second-string team, the attack was led by Ahmed Ol-wairain and Eomer Hall, a neat-looking combination though without the out-and-out power of the Hall-Di Bradini combination. (Editor's Note: Why do successful Starblaydi partnerships always seem to be tongue-twisters? Anyone remeber the N'Dumbu-Nsungu-Kabeya-Mbaya combination of AOCAF2? That wasn't helped either by the two substitutes being Ahmed Ol-wairain and Samir Ben Said Nasri. A Starblaydi strike-force seems harder to pronounce than the entire Rejistantian Starting Eleven, though hopefully Eomer Hall might change that. Wait, Eomer? Sheesh...)

Ol-wairain made the first break-through with a stunning strike from all of twenty-five yards, the ball swerving in mid-air to completely fool the Oceaice 'keeper and leave the net straining to break free from its moorings. This marks Eight goals for Ol-wairain, putting the twenty-nine year-old fourth in the all-time list, having just passed legendary midfielder Stefan Haldorsson's total of Seven.

Though Oceaice's Pirates pulled a soft one back from a mistake by 33 year-old Centre-Back Paul Cole, brothers Simeone and Roberto Di Bradini came on to seal the win, a beautifully-weighted long pass from the younger Di Bradini that Simeone Smashed into the roof of the net with one touch.

Now having leapt to a monstrous 4th in the table thanks to Giant Zucchini's pasting by Sarzonia, Starblaydia need to make up at least five points over the top-two in the remaining four matches if they are to auto-qualify. As two of their next four come against table-topping Iansisle and Commerce Heights, any points gained at those matches would be pure gold. Starblaydia must also try to repeat their defeat of Giant Zucchini and also not slip up against Liechtenistan, as the Zucchinis are just a single point (and a hefty goal-difference) away from Starblaydia's 4th spot.

This Match-Day also signalled the death-knell for the Qualification hopes of Atlantian Oceania 'Priates' Oceaice, plucky Fire-Baptised Liechtenistan and the atrocious cannon-fodder Pure Evil, as none of them can reach points totals equal to that of 5th-place Giant Zucchini.

Final Score:
Oceaice 1 - 2 Starblaydia
(Kouassi 53) - (Ol-wairain 32, S. Di Bradini 71)

Group 9 Results and Standings, Matchday 10:

Liechtenistan [1] Commerce Heights [6]
Sarzonia [5] Giant Zucchini [0]
Oceaice [1] Starblaydia [2]
Pure Evil [0] Iansisle [8]

# Nation P W D L GF-GA Pts PP
[1] Iansisle 10 8 0 2 32-9 24 36
[2] Commerce Heights 10 7 3 0 29-10 24 36
<3> Sarzonia 10 7 1 2 20-9 22 34
<4> Starblaydia 10 6 1 3 26-13 19 31
5- Giant Zucchini 10 6 0 4 21-20 18 30
E- Oceaice 10 1 1 8 11-20 4 16
E- Liechtenistan 10 1 1 8 9-29 4 16
E- Pure Evil 10 0 1 9 7-45 1 13

MD00: .::WC17 Qualifying Schedule :: Starblaydi Stadia::.
MD01: Starblaydia 6-0 Pure Evil
MD02: Sarzonia 2-1 Starblaydia
MD03: Starblaydia 3-0 Oceaice
MD04: Liechtenistan 0-1 Starblaydia
MD05: Giant Zucchini 1-3 Starblaydia
MD06: Starblaydia 2-3 Iansisle
MD07: Commerce Heights 3-3 Starblaydia
MD08: Pure Evil 1-4 Starblaydia
MD09: Starblaydia 1-2 Sarzonia
MD10: Oceaice 1-2 Starblaydia
NEXT: Starblaydia Vs Liechtenistan @ Bekkside Stadium, Tabeck (32,000 Capacity, Tabeck FC)
MD12: Starblaydia Vs Giant Zucchini @ Foundation Road, Jhanna (75,000 Capacity, Iskara Daii)
MD13: Iansisle Vs Starblaydia @ TBA
MD14: Starblaydia Vs Commerce Heights @ Jader Barbahlo Stadium, Jhanna (94,000 Capacity, Jhanna City)

Starblaydia Goal Tally:
Player Goals Total Goals
-------------------------------------
S. Di Bradini 7 20
E. Hall 6 15
A. Ol-wairain 3 8
J.J. Stark 3 5
R. Di Bradini 2 4
K. Robertson 1 3
C. Salisbury 1 3
M. Tissot 1 3
S. Hill 1 2
V. Tsarev 1 2

Le LIBRE

Is this match a rerun?

Reviewing over the last time these 2 teams met, Les Bleus had won 4 – 1 in what seemed to show the team was ready to play together and make a serious run for the 1st place position. Fans were excited by the fact that Eauz had gotten out of their scoring slump. This time around, Les Bleus were visiting Qia. Les Bleus arrived in Qia, being told the government in general was an Inoffensive Centrist Democracy, something Les Bleus know a bit too much about. According to the UN record on the nation, it was a pleasant country, and it seemed to be at first glance. The region where they are situated is called the Ille de France. Les Bleus were expecting this region to be full of French speakers as themselves, but were surprised to know that it was full of English. Arriving at the stadium, one could notice that the stadium was full of English Football Hooligans looking to start fights. Few Eauz fans were scattered around the stadium, in hope to promote their team to another large victory over Qia. Refereeing the match was a Liverpool England referee named Dave Granger and his team. Eauz fans were worried that he would be in favour of Qia and their fans, mainly because the fans were crazy English hooligans. Though according to his record, he was a very strict referee and was average when it game to calling a fair match.

The match started just before the hooligans tore out a whole section of seats in the stadium. Les Bleus were in control as usual with the ball early in the match. Weak attacks were taken, resulting in nothing. Keeping control in the Qia zone, Les Bleus were given a corner during the 19th minute which was taken by Laurent Henri. The kick sailed towards the pack of players. It was headed away though by a Qia defender, destroying the early chances by Eauz. At the other end of the field, Les Bleus defense was holding up well, as Vincent Devereux blocked a sure shot that would have gone in, and Rousoi made an amazing save diving to the other side, after being down on the ground. Only 30 minutes into the match, and both teams had amazing chances to score a goal. The ice was broken though by Qia, as during the 38th minute of play, a shot was taken which hit the left post bouncing back into play. A Qia player jumped up and headed the ball, sending it into the net with little challenge from Rousoi. Qia went up 1 – 0 and the English Football Fans went crazy, starting fires and going crazy. For Eauz, this was unspeakable to let the last place team in their group to score the first goal. This would possibly give their fans and the team a boost to keep on the pressure. Les Bleus though did not worry too much, as 2 minutes later at the 40th minute, Les Bleus were attacking, passing the ball around, and then Alia busted towards the net. He fell down, but no call was taken, but Rousseau was behind to pick the ball up, kicking it with power, past the Qia keeper, tying the match at 1 – 1. Les Bleus kept on the assault just before the first half was over, during injury time of the first half, Les Bleus got their 3rd corner of the match, and this time, Henri kicked it to around the same area, which was headed into the net by Rousseau, scoring his 2nd goal of the match, giving Les Bleus a 2 – 1 lead. Just before the first half was to end, Rousseau had the ball, and a Qia forward knocked Rousseau over, completely missing the ball. Granger raised the red card, eliminating one of the Qia players for the match. Granger whistled the end of the match after recording the red card, and the two teams went back to rest and get ready for the next second half. Les Bleus were happy to be leading 2 – 1, reliving any doubts from the Eauz fans.

The second half arrived very soon as Les Bleus were ready to get back into the match. They had to survive though the onslaught of attacks early in the second half by the Qia team. Seven shots were taken by the Qia side during the 10 minutes of the first half. Unfortunately for Qia, none of the shots went into the goal, with many sailing over the top of the net. Les Bleus regained control of the ball, as Rousoi kicked the ball up field. Vasser was ready for the header, jumping up, but was pushed by a Qia player, as Vasser fell to the ground; Granger blew the whistle, raising the yellow card. He warned the Qia team that the next time there would be no warning and they would lose another player. Though a stupid idea, Vasser wanted to get revenge on the push, and attacked the player who knocked him over on purpose. Granger could see this match was getting out of hand, and awarded a red card for Vasser and the Qia player. He warned both teams once again, and play continued. Both teams settled down, and it appeared the two goals would be all Les Bleus would need to win. During the 76th minute of play, Rousseau who already had 2 goals was attacking again, as he was showing off a bit of the ball handling he possessed. Passing it to Alia, Alia passed it back and Rousseau found the open part of the net, giving Les Bleus a 3 – 1 lead and the hat trick for Rousseau. The English hooligans settled down as they saw their national team once again being clobbered by Les Bleus. The final blow for Qia came during the 89th minute of play when Qia lost the ball at centre field, leaving Alia to a breakaway. He faked out the keeper going to the left and kicking the ball to the right, giving Les Bleus the 4 – 1 lead. Les Bleus seem to be on fire lately, as they have won the last 3 matches scoring 11 goals for and only giving up 2.

A victory and a Spaam loss pulled Les Bleus up to 2nd place, and only 1 point away from 1st. The victory also finished by the same score as the last time these two teams met, giving Les Bleus the sweep and a goal difference of +6 against Qia. The victory for Les Bleus also knocked Qia out of qualifying for the cup, leaving 7 teams to fight for the qualifying position. Les Bleus will now face off against Insane Inflation who is coming off of a stunning victory over Spaam. Insane Inflation must hope for a victory and a Spaam loss or else they will also be eliminated from qualifying. The last time these two teams met, Les Bleus were also very powerful, winning by a score of 4 – 2. Eauz fans will be hoping for the same results or better as they face off, this time in Zuka, Eauz. Tickets for the match are still numerous…


---Group 3----
[1] Melmond 10 7 2 1 27-8 23
[2] Eauz 10 7 1 2 27-12 22
<3> Spaam 10 6 1 3 28-18 19
<4> Oaker 10 5 2 3 19-12 17
5- Slaikau 10 4 1 5 13-21 13
6- The Evil Umpire 10 4 0 6 15-23 12
7- Insane Inflation 10 2 1 7 12-24 7
8- Qia 10 0 2 8 12-35 2


Schedule

Match Day 1: The Evil Umpire @ Eauz W 0 – 3
Match Day 2: Eauz @ Slaikau W 2 – 0
Match Day 3: Qia @ Eauz W 1 – 4
Match Day 4: Eauz @ Insane Inflation W 4 – 2
Match Day 5: Spaam @ Eauz L 2 – 1
Match Day 6: Eauz @ Oaker T 2 – 2
Match Day 7: Melmond @ Eauz L 3 – 0
Match Day 8: Eauz @ The Evil Umpire W 5 – 0
Match Day 9: Slaikau @ Eauz W 1 – 2
Match Day 10: Eauz @ Qia W 4 – 1
Match Day 11: Insane Inflation @ Eauz
Match Day 12: Eauz @ Spaam
Match Day 13: Oaker @ Eauz
Match Day 14: Eauz @ Melmond

Starblaydia's International Records
The full run-down on Starblaydia's Tournaments as they reach historic 20th-ever win

For all you Statwankers out there, here's a quick Guide to how Starblaydia have done in International Compeitions since their first ever competitive match way back (well its way back for us, at least) in World Cup 15. After playing 67 matches, Starblaydi Statisticians have compiled a general range of information on Starblaydia and their progression through the international rankings from Unranked (American Samoa), to 116th (Azerbaijan), 57th (Jamacia) and now 47th (Ukraine) in the World, with a decent chance of Qualifying for a World Cup at their third attempt.


Overall Record:
Played: 67
Won: 20
Drawn: 18
Lost: 29

Tournament Breakdown:

Competition P W D L
-----Past Tournaments----
WC15Q 18 6 6 6
CoH15 6 2 1 3
IRC1 6 0 0 6
WC16Q 10 2 5 3
AOCAF2 6 2 2 2
CoH16 4 0 1 3
EC3 6 1 2 3
---Current Tournaments---
WC17Q 10 6 1 3
AOCAF3 1 1 0 0

Total World Cup Qualifying Record (to date):
Played: 38
Won: 14
Drawn: 12
Lost: 12

Starblaydia Under Jean-Paul Georges-Ringeaux (WC15Q -> EC3)
Played: 46
Won: 13
Drawn: 17
Lost: 26

Starblaydia Under Guylain N'Dumbu-Nsungu (WC17Q -> Present)
Played: 11
Won: 7
Drawn: 1
Lost: 3

Milestones of Interest:
1st Match: Vilita 2-1 Starblaydia (World Cup 15 Qualifiers, MD1)
1st Win: Starblaydia 2-0 Grays Harbour (World Cup 15 Qualifiers, MD5)
10th Win: Slaikau 0-1 Starblaydia (World Cup 16 Qualifiers, MD3)
50th Match: Starblaydia 1-0 Creedence Clearwater (Eagle's Cup 3, MD1)
20th Win: Oceaice 1-2 Starblaydia (World Cup 17 Qualifiers, MD11)
Biggest Win: Starblaydia 6-0 Pure Evil (World Cup 17 Qualifiers, MD1)
Biggest Loss: Crystilakere 4-0 Starblaydia (Cup of Harmony 15, MD3) and Vilita 4-0 Starblaydia (Eagle's Cup 3, MD6)

All-time Scoring Records
(Top Ten of 25 Scorers Shown)

# Player Total Goals
-------------------------------------
1 Simeone Di Bradini 20
2 Nikola Lazerevski 15
3 Eomer Hall 15
4 Ahmed Ol-wairain 8
5 Stefan Haldorsson 7
6 J.J. Stark 5
7 Guylain N'Dumbu-Nsungu 4
8 David Bentley 4
9 Fabricio de Souza Lima 4
10 Roberto Di Bradini 4

Stars remain wary despite success

The Sarzonian national team went into a three day break from World Cup qualifying competition in a position few expected the team to be in. The Stars sit in third place in the Group 9 standings with 22 points, just two points behind group leaders Iansisle and Commerce Heights for the automatic bid into the World Cup finals.

While experts were predicting that Commerce Heights and Iansisle would earn the automatic berths as the top ranked sides in the group, the Stars were the fifth seeds and number 49 in the world. Even getting into the play-in match would have been considered a Herculean feat for the relative newcomers to international football.

"I don't know how to account for it," Coach Bryan Marshall said. "We've been playing very well, almost over our heads. We still have to be careful or we could just as easily fall back to Earth like we did before the last World Cup."

Stars supporters still cringe with the memory of their collapse at the end of World Cup 16 qualifying. The team was tied for the group lead with Lovisa and was ahead in a tiebreaker before two away matches against the top ranked teams in the group. The coach of then-13th ranked Tanah Burung essentially conceded the qualification bid to the Stars before their match against Sarzonia. However, the Stars lost both matches and Tanah Burung ended up relegating the Stars to the Cup of Harmony.

"As we learned last time, it's not over until it's over," midfielder and team captain Bobby Convey said. "We started believing our own press clippings and that's dangerous."

Pundits are pointing to the away match against group leader and 14th ranked Iansisle as the last tough match for the Stars, but the team disagreed.

"That's going to be brutal," forward Brian Wilson said. "But every game's going to be tough. "We can't afford to let up for a second."

The Stars beat Ianisisle 1-0 at home the last time, but figure to have a much tougher match against the team that set a World Cup record for most lopsided victory, 8-0 at Pure Evil. Meanwhile, the Stars set their own record for most goals and widest margin of victory, dominating a tough Giant Zucchini side 5-0.

"They've got all the confidence in the world right now," goalkeeper Troy Perkins said of Iansisle. "We're going to have one whale of a fight against those guys."

Stars reach history of their own

The Sarzonian national team set two records in their 5-0 domination of Giant Zucchini, most goals in senior national team history and largest margin of victory. The team also picked up its 25th win internationally out of 42 matches played.

AOCAF I
Record: 2-1-2. Result: Third place. Defeated host nation Krytenia 3-1.

16th Baptism of Fire Cup
Record: 6-0-0. Result: Champions. The Stars outscored opponents 17-2.

16th World Cup
Record: 4-4-2. Result: Third place. Eliminated from WC finals on last day.

Cup of Harmony Cup
Record: 2-1-2. Result: Quarterfinalists. Lost to southern neighbor Crystilakere 2-0.

AOCAF II
Record: 4-0-4. Result: Fourth place. Lost to Vilita 3-0.

17th World Cup
Record: 7-1-2. Current: Third place, 22 points. Two points behind group leaders.

AOCAF III
Record: 1-0-1. Current: Third place, Group C.

Overall record: 26 wins, seven draws, 13 losses.
All results under Coach Bryan Marshall.

Who wants to be a national player?

The national team had a match, which no one in his right mind would attend or play in: an away game against the formerly Giant Evil Spider controlled nation of Pedriana. To avoid a forfeit, the ASR again decided to search for people, who are not in their right mind. The best way to find them and even make money by it was again to auction the places in the national team via internet. The Orange-Blues of the last match could profit from their match as 'national player' and so the response was even better than last time. La~ely Mi even managed to change into a relegation endangered H1SR club. The starters this time were:
GK: Alaritetinasura Hejekeriisdamani
DF: Nimatil Jiu
DF: Ma~o Kaxi
DF: Syku Kansu (from Hetkali)
MF: Kansu Syku
MF: La~ely Mi*
MF: Yk Jaija
MF: Kansu I Syku
FW: Syku Kansu* (from Sikane)
FW: Lyku Kansu
FW: Itika Jakasa
(* indicates players from the first leg match)

The Pedriana coach again thought that the substitutes needed playing practise and so the top players (except Bob, the Giant Evil Spider) did not start. Many Pedriana fans were Giant Evil Spiders, which caused much fear among the Rejistanian fans despite being in the Pedriana fan block. Coach Laxtu Takil was again missing due to "illness". Myk Linkosa, normally the co-coach travelled with the team to Atlantian Oceania.

The substitute Orange-Blues had the worse start, they suffered from the fact that they never played in this formation before. Miguel Cavalaris could score by exploiting the confusion in the Orange-Blue defense: A cross from Kaxi'he to Syku Kansu (the defender) came unexpected and could easily be intercepted. Later the substitute Orange-Blues found into the match better, Lyku Kansu and Syku Kansu challenged the Pedrianan defense several time, but never too much, because this time Giant Evil Spider Bob played there. For Lyku Kansu, this was the second match in orange-blue, since he also played in the home match against the Llamas. La~ely Mi and Lyku Kansu had a good chance in the 18th minute, but then Bob approached. In sheer horror, Lyku Kansu first passed the ball to La~ely Mi, and then ran for his life. La~ely Mi knew that Bob was muzzled and scored. Now the Orange-Blues started their attacking style of play, which the 3-4-3 formation suggested. The match saw good chances for both sides and Alaritetinasura Hejekeriisdamani prevented the 1:2 only by luck. In the 36th minute, Syku Kansu increased the score in a counter attack. Rashad Nurthen could only stop a rejistanian attack by a rude foul on Itika Jakasa. the following free kick was shot by Lyku Kansu (who is not the Lyku Kansu from the match on MD3). Syku Kansu (the defender) headed the all into the goal for the 3:1. Pedriana nearly archieved the 3:2, but a questionable offside decision saved the 2 goals lead. TV images later showed that Miguel Cavalaris was not offside.

The result:
Pedriana 1 (Cavalaris 5th)
Rejistania 3 (Mi 18th, S. Kansu sikane'tes 36th, S. Kansu hetkali'tes 75th)

Referee: Isobe Akinori (Esth). KaMaRi Update rating: 3 ()

*OOC: and anyone, whose position I mis-read from the roster.

Earning Respect, One High Profile Draw at a Time

It’s been a busy few matches for the Pimentos, facing off against some of the world’s best and escaping these matches with dignity intact. In fact, the Pimentos have been able to do more than hold their own, collecting two draws in their last three matches, results which were unexpected but extremely welcome.

VS. The Weegies

After a painful and embarrassing initiation to international football at the hands of The Weegies, Big Pimento was eager to show they had learned much from their 3-0 thrashing. However, The Weegies started the match much to the same tune of the previous one, as they wasted no time getting on the scoreboard after a brilliant give and go worked between Owen Thompson and Jack Lindau gave The Weegies their first goal. The Pimento defence settled down after that initial shake-up and allowed very few chances for the remainder of the half. Big Pimento drew even in the 64th Minute, as Boris Valentine met a Tajiri Sukohara corner with a thumping header, putting it past a flailing Clive Eriksson. The match would end as a 1-all stalemate, much to the delight of the home Pimento crowd.

Big Pimento 1 (Valentine 64)
The Weegies 1 (Thompson 4)

Referee: Kellen Hodges, TLC [4,8]
Rating: 8.5

Sound Bite of the Game: “This was a great sign of the improvements we’ve made as a team. If we continue to progress like this, we should be in a great position to contend for a World Cup birth in four years.”-Captain Jalapeno Lewis

@ Cockbill Street

After being shockingly embarrassed 2-1 against the Pimentos in their first match, the Streeters were determined not to let history repeat itself. Cockbill Street hit the pitch with something to prove, dominating the match from the first touch to the final whistle, something the 72% possession in their favour will attest to. Cockbill Street scored three early and Selecao was able to find a consolation goal in the 84th Minute to avoid this match being dubbed a complete blowout. Don’t let the three goals fool you, Goalkeeper Pedro Madhavapeddi made some stellar saves to keep the score line close.

Cockbill Street 3 (Stone 7, 45 Olafsson 26)
Big Pimento 1 (Selecao 84)

Referee: Wilson Moore, TIL [8,6]
Rating: 8.0
Sound Bite of the Game: “It was like in that sappy movie Pearl Harbor – I think we had just awakened a sleeping giant.” -Selecao

FEATURE MATCH
VS. Squornshelous

Group-leaders Squornshelous were clearly overlooking this match, with the local press predicting a four goal whitewash of the Pimentos and with big fish like Cockbill Street and Audioslavia ahead, who could blame them. The Pshychoes, known for their aggressiveness and awkwardly-spelled moniker, got in card trouble early, perhaps stunned by the pace exhibited by the Pimentos in the early going. This seemed to rattle Squornshelous a bit, and Big Pimento took advantage, as Boris Valentine tickled the twine for the fourth time in the campaign in the 25th minute, giving the Pimentos a surprise lead.

The Pimento’s seemed to slip in a slightly more defensive stance after the early goal in an effort to slow down the high octane Squornshelian offence. The Pshychoes got their best opportunity of the first half in the 38th Minute, when a promising run by Igor Raskolnikov was suddenly halted by a harsh challenge near the box by Valeri Sharapov. Sharapov got a yellow card for his efforts and the promising opportunity went to waste with Bjorn Arnesson placing the direct free kick just inches over the bar.

The Squornshelian attack came out of the gates firing in the second half, but the Pimento’s defence was holding strong. The Pimento’s were holding on by a thread, but they were holding on. In the 57th Minute, relief came in the form of an injury for the Pimentos, as a reckless tackle by Arnasson on Tajiri Sukohara resulted in a red card. Unhappy with the call, Pshycho defender, Darryl Hicks, stormed toward Vilitian referee Motaak Otieno and let him hear his displeasure with the call. Hicks’ complaints did nothing to change the referee’s mind and infuriated him further, showing the Squornshelian defender his second yellow of the game and giving the Pimentos a two-man advantage for the remainder of the game. Sukohara left the game after the incident, leaving with what’s being called a “lower-body injury”, and was substituted by Omore Ngogadi.

With the two-man advantage, Big Pimento went back on the offensive, searching for an insurance goal. The thus far futile Charles “Sargent” Pepper, nearly scored his first of the campaign in the 75th minute, as he beat Del Rio Perez, but was unable to beat the woodwork. The Pimentos’ were controlling the midfield, creating turnovers and launching swift counterattacks towards the short-manned Pshyco defence. It appeared as though this game was over, as a brilliant touch by Ngogadi sent substitute Cookie St. Jacques in alone towards net, but he was foiled by a brave bit of keeping by Del Rio Perez, pouncing face-first towards the rushing Pimento attacker and grabbing the ball. Acting fast, Del Rio Perez launched a clearance attack deep into Pimento territory, catching most of the Pimento attack and midfield flatfooted. The talented Raskalnikov collected the ball in a bit of space and rushed towards the keeper. It appeared as though he’d have an open crack on net into Joni Kallio came flying into the picture, sliding in and taking the ball away. The referee’s assistant though this was an unfair challenge, and despite the desperate pleas from the Pimento players, Squornshelous was given a penalty kick. Raskalnikov made no mistake, showing why the Pshychoes are such a great team, snatching a point from the jaws of defeat. Most ironic of all, is how the incident which gave Big Pimento the two man advantage ended up costing them the three points, as the final goal was scored during the time added on while Sukohara was sprawling on the field in pain.

Big Pimento: 1 (Valentine 25)
Squornshelous: 1 (Raskalnikov 91 PK)

Referee: Motaak Otieno, VIL [8,2]
Rating: 3.5

Sound Bite of the Game: “It’s too bad poor officiating will steal all the headlines from this match, because I feel this had probably been our best effort to date.”-Manager Wally Wonkstein

EL CID NEWS.
NEWS YOU CAN USE.

sports news

fight for forth

The cids lions are now in 5th place with 4 matches to go, with just 1 point in it we ask will el cid get that all important playoff game.

"Halfassed states have a tugth scedual ahead of them," Said Chris Skiner this morning for El Cids next mach "And if we play well we will get to forth place, maybe 3rd wich has always been my aim"

After a unfair match against TEN and a uninspired result of 0-0 against Halfassedstates the Cids Lions are strugeling. They will need to win most of their last 4 match will they be able to get into the top 4. Only time will tell.

Matchday 1:The Eagles Nest v El Cid the Hero W 0-1
Matchday 2:El Cid the Hero v HalfassedstatesW 2-0
Matchday 3:Snub Nose 38 v El Cid the Hero L 3-1
Matchday 4:El Cid the Hero v Svecia L 1-2
Matchday 5:El Cid the Hero v Northbank W 2-1
Matchday 6:Esth v El Cid the Hero W 0-2
Matchday 7:El Cid the Hero v WapahkonetaW 5-1
Matchday 8:El Cid the Hero v The Eagles Nest L 1-2
Matchday 9:Halfassedstates v El Cid the Hero D 0-0
Matchday 10:El Cid the Hero v Snub Nose 38 L 1-2
Matchday 11:Svecia v El Cid the Hero
Matchday 12:Northbank v El Cid the Hero
Matchday 13:El Cid the Hero v Esth
Matchday 14:Wapahkoneta v El Cid the Hero

---Group 2----
[1] Svecia 10 7 2 1 23-8 23
[2] The Eagles Nest 10 7 2 1 21-9 23
<3> Snub Nose 38 10 6 2 2 21-14 20
<4> Halfassedstates 10 5 2 3 14-8 17
5- El Cid the Hero 10 5 1 4 16-11 16
6- Northbank 10 1 3 6 10-21 6
7- Esth 10 1 1 8 8-24 4
8- Wapahkoneta 10 1 1 8 10-28 4

The Reichsmarkia Times
Buy it before your money loses value!

Trillionaires win again
The trillionaires did the unthinkable and won a second match in the WC17 qualifiers. At home in the FC/Fortuna Reichsmarkia Stadium, the trillionaires hosted the Spaamian national team, which is in constant decline since reaching the final of WC13. The Trillionaires have no point to decline from, so we can say, that the Insanian form during the last years was better. Normally foreign fans outnumber the insanians in the Reichsmarkian stadium. The cheap prices encourage fans from abroad to watch their national team trash the Trillionaires. This time, it was different, due to the lacking spaamian interest and the fact that the match started after normally the wages are paid: a huge contingent of Insanian fans were in the stadium, who outnumbered the spaamian fans by much.

The trillionaires started strong, maybe because Nala Eromleb, the enigmatic spaamian star-player and team captain was missing and the spaamians depend on him. The Spaamians again tried to cheat by using 12 year old fragments from the Spaamian times, but the inflationary officials know how to read numbers, even small ones and saw that attempt. Unfortunately, the RP-machine in the FC/Fortuna Reichsmarkia Stadium was not well maintained and so it had problems with accepting the articles of the Reichsmarkia Time. The technicans struggled for 15 minutes of the match (in which Spaam outplayed the Trillionaires and archieved the 0:1), then one lost his temper and kicked the RP machine so hard that he needed medical assistance after that. It was successfull: The RP-machine accepted the RPs of the Reichsmarkia Time and suddently the Trillionaires found into the match. T.I. Yen equalised the score only minutes after the kick against the RP machine. Since he apparently was the player next to the RP machine when it was 'kickstarted', he improved most: In the 30th minute, he scored the 2:1 after an assist of Franc Cefea. In the 83rd minute, he achieved the 3:1 after a corner kick of Kwanza Nouveau. It was the first hat trick in insanian history, well, at least the first not against the Trillionaires. The technican, who caused this sensational win, was not available for comment since he tried run to town to spend his daily wage before devaluation.

The result
Insane Inflation 3 (T.I. Yen 17th 30th 83rd)
Spaam 1 (Alan Someone 5th)

The group pairings for WC17 playoffs have been made. Third in one group in the pairing will be at home to fourth in the other, with the winner winning their slot in the finals.

paired groups

7 and 10
9 and 6
4 and 2
1 and 3
5 and 8

Siki Rej was frustrated. He had, quite obviously, led the country to four straight wins - each of them more glorious than the last - and his last minor adjustments to the algorithm had seen Rikki Stone flourish and score a proper hat-trick (a Streetian term for three goals in the same half without anyone else scoring) on hapless Magnus Valerius, who had posed some threats to other teams earlier but was now made to look like Hash n Beans with LSD after-effects.

Yet, somehow, he was still sitting on his brink in the dark dungeon with only a cup of coffee, an oil lamp, and the latest copy of the Ankh-Morpork C-mail. He was only allowed two hours with Hexatux a day - four hours the week before matches, and had not been able to connect it to the Internet (the fact that there was no phone lines in the Street made this no easier). Hence, he found his instant success almost amazing. He had been shown no live pictures from the game - though there had been some "iconographs" in the papers, mostly of Rikki Stone while standing completely still - and the reports were so horribly slanted and without content that he could just as well have read the Na~ovi National.

From what was evident, however, Rikki Stone was saving him. He had scored six of the nine goals that the Streeters had made in the past four games, and Rej was left to ponder why he was suddenly playing so much better. Was it because he had told Stubbings to go more defensively, and not stay offside all the time? Hang on...he never got that idea, Hexatux did. It was almost scary what that algorithm turned up sometimes. To compare it with a human intellect was stretching it - after all, most humans could do slightly more than think in football 24 hours a day - but it certainly came up with some innovative ideas.

The door opened again. In came the same woman that had welcomed him the day he arrived in the Street - during his stay, which had lasted over four months, he had learned that her name was Helen Carpenter, and that she'd captained the Street some years earlier. Now it looked

"Mr Rej," she said. "We have come to realise that this...place...is not a very suitable accommodation for a man in your position. We have realised that you are clearly a professional worker who will do anything for money, is that correct?"

"Depends how much."

"There talks a true capitalist. We did promise you a reward, and we have produced...this." She pulled out a sheet with the name of the most famous Rejistanian bank on it. It contained Siki Rej's bank account number along with a number Siki normally associated with totally inflated yens. By the looks of it, this was hard and fast lil'kansu'ny, however. He stared at the piece of paper.

"We believe this sum adequately represents what a national coach would have cost us for these matches," Carpenter continued. "As such, we propose a contract. You operate the...thing...for about two years, and agree to take on an apprentice and teach him the workings of it. You must appreciate the need for secrecy here, of course, and you will remain confined to the department of sports at all times. In return, you may expect many more," she stumbled on the foreign word, "lil-cansooh-ni."

Siki pondered for a moment. Not even Sen-La-Sa~o Relekhati would pay him this much money for becoming a coach, let alone let him near the side. It was the opportunity of a lifetime. Yet, these people seemed capable of tearing apart contracts in an instant, and he would have to be very careful.

"Miss Carpenter, I can not do my job properly without watching international football," he said. "Would it not be better if we made this announcement official, so I can travel around the globes and watch the matches?"

"You must understand that we are in a tricky situation. Officially, we can not suddenly redeem you after having wanted to charge you for three years without catching you. Now, suddenly, you'll be national coach and earning a lot of dollars? No, we got to wait until it all simmers down."

"Why did you have to get me, then? Can't you just use Hroar to operate the machine?"

"Hroar is, to put it bluntly, a muppet. Even I realised that machine was not working. And his orders were, frankly, idiotic. Persisting with that guy Hammerhock on the wing - hah! He was just working to prove himself as a national coach, and failed. And we had no one else who understood how the thing worked," Carpenter answered.

Siki thought for a while. "But Streeters have used a normal method of coaching for a long time! Why use Hexatux, which is so far ahead of the technology here it is laughable?"

"It is an effort to move with the times. Sufficiently advanced technology is indistinguishable from magic, as someone once said, and magic we've got plenty of here."

"Wouldn't it be better to get some cars, for a start?"

"You clearly don't have a grasp on Streetian society. As for secrecy...there is a large amount of money involved here..."

"All right! I give in to your demands. But can I at least be allowed to go to Compound League games?"

"Hmm...I suppose so...but you need to find a suitable tree. I refuse to have you in the stands where journalists can see you. Besides, you would not be safe."

"Safe?"

"Your picture was on every street corner until recently. You are, I believe, the most loved and the most hated man in the Street at the same time. A strange feat."

"Um...how can I be loved?"

"Although people don't know it, they have realised that some new guy is in charge, and they love him after four wins on the trot," Carpenter explained.

Siki felt confused about it all. However, he put his name on the second sheet of paper Carpenter handed him, before passing out cold on the bench.

Group 9 To Face Group 6 in 3rd V 4th Playoff
Sixers look to have the rankings edge over the Niners

KAZA, Kaze Progressa, 22:55 SST (Starblaydi Standard Time)
With 3rd- and 4th-Place teams from different groups set to face off, the draw was made in the Kaze Progressa Captial, host of the upcoming Olympic Games. With the draw live across the internet, Group 9 were pulled out third, followed by Group 6. This means the 3rd place team from 9 will be at home to the 4th from Group Six, and the 3rd from 6 will host the 4th from 9. With current standings this would bring the following matches:


Sarzonia Vs Europa Brittania
Tanah Burung Vs Starblaydia


These possible matches are obviously open to much change, as Europa Brittania and Tanah Burung are actually ranked 5th and 12th in the World respectively and really should be topping their groups. Most spectators before the Qualifiers began would have assumed The Belmore Family, Crystilakere and Raptor Claw to be the more obvious candidates for the Play-off round. Group 9 itself is still undecided, after Commerce Heights appear ot have gone off the boil, with Sarzonia on a run and Starblaydia and Giant Zucchini still hangin' on in there despite some poor results.

"This looks to be a tough draw for us in Group Nine," said Head Coach Guylain N'Dumbu-Nsungu of Starblaydia, "if the positions stay like this then Starblaydia will be playing the 12th-ranked team in the world, which might not be pretty." He also went on to play-down the possibility of not qualifying, even for the play-off. "When you look at how far we've come it will certianly be a big disappointment if we didn't make at least the play-offs. Our team should be good enough for at least 4th place, at the very least."

These results may be somewhat thrown off by the presence of a media frenzy in Group 9, particularly from the Atlantian Oceania nations of Starblaydia and Sarzonia, who have devoted blanket coverage to the Qualifiers, while the Media of the Nations of Group 6 seem not to be too bothered with the World Cup Qualifiers.


---Group 9 (Selected)----
[1] Iansisle 10 8 0 2 32-9 24
[2] Commerce Heights 10 7 3 0 29-10 24
<3> Sarzonia 10 7 1 2 20-9 22
<4> Starblaydia 10 6 1 3 26-13 19
5- Giant Zucchini 10 6 0 4 21-20 18

---Group 6 (Selected)----
[1] Crystilakere 10 7 1 2 25-9 22
[2] Raptor Claw 10 7 1 2 23-12 22
<3> Tanah Burung 10 6 1 3 23-13 19
<4> Europa Brittania 10 5 2 3 21-14 17
5- The Belmore Family 10 5 2 3 15-11 17
6- Dead Man 10 4 0 6 11-17 12

Versus Giant Zucchini - Match day 7

The crowd assembled at the Westergate Footballing Grounds was hardly like anything that had ever been seen before at an Iansislean international football game. Estimates put the turnout at a hundred thousand people, each of whom was demanding entrance to the stadium. It was soon clear that tiny WFG wouldn’t accommodate anywhere near that number of people as tickets were sold out after only an hour. Very quickly, the huge mob started to turn unruly when they realized that they wouldn’t be seeing the match.

The city of Westergate knew it had to do something, and quickly, in order to prevent an out and out riot. Their solution was both simple and elegant. All around the Footballing Grounds they rigged enormous speakers, which were then routed to the announcer box. It wasn’t an ideal solution, granted, but the only one available that didn’t guarantee a raging mob destroying the historic suburb of Ianapalis.

The Ians side, which had never played in front of more than thirty thousand people at home, was somewhat nervous as they marched out onto the pitch for the the match. Cheering could be heard shaking the Grounds from the thousands upon thousands of people outside as each name of the starting eleven was announced. “Lyon! Ravenhill! Miller! Fletcher! Compton! Saunders! Wolfe! Brandt! Johnson! Thompson! Nielsen!”

After play started, the Ians looked somewhat shaky. Fans inside and outside the stadium cried in anguish as a muffed Fletcher-Ravenhill pass turned into a deep drive for their vegetable-based opponents that was only stopped by a brilliant save from Nielsen.

However, the Ians soon struck back: surely the world had come to an end, thought those in Westergate who weren’t listening to the game, when Tom Ravenhill booted one past the Giant Zucchini goalkeeper in the thirty second minute. The cheering lasted fully ten minutes, well after play had been resumed.

But the Ians weren’t done yet. Two more drives before half-time resulted in Ians goals, another by Ravenhill and one by international star midfielder Geoffrey Fletcher. Brian Lyon added another goal in the closing minutes to make the Ians’ victory 4-0.

“I really attribute this victory to the spirit which our fans showed coming out and supporting us like that,” said Ravenhill, the Ians’ unofficial spokesman, through a gigantic smile at a press conference after the game. “It’s hard being the second international team in a city where everything is ‘the Gulls this, the Gulls that.’ Thanks a lot, everyone: we’ll remember it.”

------

What in the Green Hills of the Shield Was That?
Experts baffled by ‘Pure Evil 0 - Iansisle 8’ scoreline

PURE EVIL -- Everyone listened to the game on the radio. Everyone saw the score sheet the next day or read it in the newspaper. Some people even played in the game. And still no one has the foggiest idea just what in blazes happened.

Said Tom Ravenhill, one of two Ians to nab a hat-trick in the most lopsided victory of Ians international footballing: “It was two to zero with just a bit left to go, y’know, and I was thinking ‘oh good, we ought to win this one.’ Then we just entered the zone, right?”

“It was crazy,” agreed star forward Brian Lyon, who also struck for three goals, “all of a sudden, all the Evilites were moving in, like, slow-motion or something. I myself was making sound effects like Steve Austin from The Six Million Dollar Man. I looked over at Tom, and it was the same for him, so we were just like ‘this is strange.’ Then we decided to kick [censored] for a while.”

“And when the dust cleared,” concluded Ravenhill, “the score was eight to zero and all the Pure Evil fans had left the stands. There were still one or two guys in the red and white left, but they didn’t know what happened either.”

Can such a phenomenon exist? Dr Throkmorten F. Blott, head of Royal Standard University’s medical research division, says no.

“What these men claim to have experienced is physically impossible,” said Dr Blott, shaking his head. “There is no ‘zone’ which one may ‘enter,’ even if one is an athlete. They’re obviously lying to try and get attention.”

The Star-Tribune tried to point out that, after scoring six goals in three minutes, Ravenhill and Lyon don’t need to get any more attention by lying about what happened, Dr Blott threw us out of his office.

Claims that the Ians deliberately rubbed salt in Pure Evil’s wounds have thus far gone unanswered by the team’s front office, which apparently maintains an “all’s fair in love, war, and football” attitude about the whole affair. The team, meanwhile, remains high of spirits - and filled high with spirits.

“I’m really pumped up about this,” said an inebriated Ravenhill. “Who do we play next? Sarzonia? Great, let’s take ‘em on; we could use a little revenge. I’m ready for the world after this.”

((boy, am I ever glad for this break and my insomnia! I never thought I'd be able to catch up!))

Jeruselem Government News

Match Day X - predictable results in Group 8

No we are not talking about Planet X, but the match day X from World Cup XVII. The four games gave little joy for the bottom 4 teams except for Spurland who draw 4th placed Jeruselem 1-1 and is still in 6th. Jeruselem really needed to win this game Spurland are a tricky opponent who can be really good or simply tragic. Jeruselem who tend to win or lose and not draw were not at their best due to rested players who needed a break for the big games at the end of the qualifiers.

Bedistan and Lovisa stomped on the bottom two again while Krytenia made 3rd position with a good 4-1 win over a inconsistent D2R who really should have gone to the Disco instead.



Group 8:
Carthage and Troy [1] Bedistan [4]
Vorpal Bunnies [2] Lovisa [5]
Dance 2 Revolution [1] Krytenia [4]
Spurland [1] Jeruselem [1]

---Group 8----
[1] Bedistan 10 9 0 1 29-8 27
[2] Lovisa 10 7 2 1 28-11 23
<3> Krytenia 10 6 2 2 24-9 20
<4> Jeruselem 10 5 2 3 19-18 17
5- Dance 2 Revolution 10 4 1 5 16-19 13
6- Spurland 10 2 3 5 9-14 9
7- Carthage and Troy 10 2 0 8 13-26 6
8- Vorpal Bunnies 10 0 0 10 9-42 0

Pure Evil [0] Iansisle [8]

highest score in NS history? unless im very much mistaken the record was six or seven nil before that :)

Isle of Scrappy Wins
geddit? it sounds like 'i love scr....' oh forget it
Audioslavia
----------------------------------------------
| 1 |
| Fenwick |
| 15 5 20 |
| 6 Maier Rep Johnstone 21 |
| O`Brien McKenna |
| 8 |
| 7 Tanner |
| Johansen 11 |
| 18 Jaynes |
| Tessem |
| |
| 10 |
| Laver |
----------------------------------------------
| |
| 19 10 9 |
| Kasakova Garnedy Al'Jabber |
| |
| 15 32 7 |
| Gutermann Medicci Mostava |
| |
| 3 4 5 25 |
| Siesta Ferez Farnsworth Betrunker |
| |
| 2 |
| Steiner |
----------------------------------------------
Isles of Wohlstand

A scruffy away performance by the depleted Audioslavia side nevertheless saw them take the spoils against evil gun-toting maniacs Isles Of Wohlstand.

The only goal of the game came just ten minutes from time as Audioslavia - in their first moments of convincing pressure since the first half - went on the attack, last-ditch substitute Danny Bracken sprinted forward to get on the end of a hasty ball by Tanner. The striker controlled the ball, turned inside Farnsworth and let fly a shot which Steiner got a hand to. The ball looped up into the air, Ferez mis-hit a clearance, Medicci lunged for the loose ball but Jodey Tessem was on hand to punt the bobbling bastard through the posts for the only goal of the, rather shitty, game.

FINAL SCORE
WOHLSTAND 0-1 AUDIOSLAVIA
Tessem 73

---Group 4----
[1] Squornshelous 10 8 1 1 27-8 25
[2] Cockbill Street 10 8 0 2 22-11 24
<3> Audioslavia 10 7 1 2 21-10 22
<4> The Weegies 10 4 2 4 15-10 14
5- Ebon Hawk 10 3 2 5 9-20 11
6- Magnus Valerius 10 2 1 7 6-21 7
7- Big Pimento 10 1 3 6 7-18 6
8- Isles Of Wohlstand 10 1 2 7 11-20 5

Audioslavia and Cockbill Street both continue their three-game unbeaten streak as they close down on the automatic qualifier spots. At the moment its the Streetians that are in that elusive second place. Squornshelous however, aren't looking that elusive at the top of the table. Once six points clear and cruising, four straight wins by Cockbill Street (including their one-nil victory over the Squornshelians) has cut down the six points to a shaky single point.

Next month sees the last of the 'top 4 vs bottom 4' series as Squornshelous play host to Magnus Valerius, Cockbill Street play Ebon Hawk at home and Audioslavia take on Big Pimento on their home ground.

After these games comes crunch time. First its Squornshelous-Audioslavia, then Audioslavia-Cockbill Street and then, in the game that could possibly determine top-spot in the group, Cockbill Street-Squornshelous. Each of these games sees the un-featured top-three side play The Weegies, a team struggling to stay with the big-boys but currently experiencing a ressurgence, going from sixth and nowhere to fourth in a matter of weeks and looking like securing that fourth-place playoff place at least.

As for the rest of the group, Magnus Valerius and Isles of Wohlstand look like they've dried up. MV have been on seven points for what seems like an eternity, whilst Isles Of Wohlstand, despite running Audioslavia close, have dropped to the bottom of the group.

Their place has been taken by plucky newcomers Big Pimento who gained another big-name draw by holding Squornshelous to one-one. Ebon Hawk havent won for a while, but with three out of their next four games coming against teams below them in the table, and The Weegies having to face the top three in the same period of time, they could well shatter that three-point deficit between them and the glaswegians.

Playoff Fixtures Announced
Full strength 'slavia will hit tournament. Half-assed 'slavia will hit half-assed wall

If Audioslavia fuck up and miss out on automatic qualification, they could well find themselves up against the Halfassedstates... whilst The Weegies get the easier run-in against Snub Nose 38 (:p) ---Group 4----
[1] Squornshelous 10 8 1 1 27-8 25
[2] Cockbill Street 10 8 0 2 22-11 24
<3> Audioslavia 10 7 1 2 21-10 22
<4> The Weegies 10 4 2 4 15-10 14
5- Ebon Hawk 10 3 2 5 9-20 11---Group 2---
[1] Svecia 10 7 2 1 23-8 23
[2] The Eagles Nest 10 7 2 1 21-9 23
<3> Snub Nose 38 10 6 2 2 21-14 20
<4> Halfassedstates 10 5 2 3 14-8 17
5- El Cid the Hero 10 5 1 4 16-11 16

Any of the above sides could find themselves battling with each other for rite of passage into World Cup 17, we could see Audioslavia play The Eagles Nest, we could see Squornshelous play Halfassedstates (world cup 5 qualifying anyone?), or we could even see Ebon Hawk play El Cid The Hero. Either way, only six of the above ten teams will be playing in the cup, the other four will have to go back to El Cid/the states/weegieland/Ebonyhawkton

i've been Jeremy Jaffacake, g'nite bitches.

--Pure Evil 0-8 Iansisle--highest score in NS history? unless im very much mistaken the record was six or seven nil before that :)


That's the word around town, previous best was 0-7 I believe.

I won 7-2 in WC6, you could say 9 goals > 8 :D

I won 7-2 in WC6, you could say 9 goals > 8 :D

((Hey, I'm willing to go for it! You can't imagine how horrified I was to find out that, yes, 8-0 was more likely than not the official highest score™. I've survived 8 World Cups by making darned sure that no one paid me any mind, and now I'm a target! *shifty eyes*;)))

Bob: I'm joined tonight by Rob Walkonoverhereandsaythatsonniejim, and Carl Ohmygodgetthisthingoffmeson.

Bob: Rob, Carl.

Rob: Evenin'

Carl: 'lo

Bob: What's with the ''s

Rob: Damn Rejis'tanians.

Carl: There is a ' quota we have to fill.

Bob: Well that aside, we're here to discuss the Insanicians.

Rob: You can never rule the Insane-e-ack-e-ans out.

Carl: Except when it comes to the knockout stage.

Rob: Aye.

Bob: What's with the phonetics on Insanicians?

Carl: Another Rejis'tanian thing.

Rob: Those guys are crazy.

Carl: I remember the good old days when we had none of these fancy ~'s and excess ''s.

Rob: Yeah, bring those back, you cannae say anything any more.

Bob: If I can interrupt, the Insanicians?

Carl: Why would you want to interrupt the Insanicians?

Rob: Yeah, they are having a nice run, at the top of the table, what you got against them? You some kind of AShole?

Bob: No, interrupt your conversation.

Carl: I thought our conversation was the whole point of this show.

Rob: Yeah.

Carl: Without it, it wouldn't be much of a show.

Rob: You want us to just sit here in silence?

Bob: ...

Carl: ...

Rob: ...

Bob: Anyway, let's take a look at the current table.

Group 1 P W D L F A GD Pts
1 Total n Utter Insanity 10 7 2 1 22 9 +13 23
2 Lemmitania 10 6 1 3 26 10 +16 19
3 Tadjikistan 10 6 1 3 25 11 +14 19
4 Dennisov 10 5 2 3 13 11 +2 17
5 NASTIC 2 10 4 2 4 16 12 +4 14
6 Kylaai 10 4 2 4 13 15 -2 14
7 Artoonia 10 2 2 6 8 24 -16 8
8 Pterodactyl 10 0 0 10 3 34 -31 0

Bob: And the fixtures.

Carl: You know you shouldn't start a sentence with and.

Rob: Why no?

Carl: Bad luck or sumthing, I think.

Bob: I'll take my chances, fixtures?

MD11: Total n Utter Insanity vs Pterodactyl
MD12: Tadjikistan vs Total n Utter Insanity
MD13: Total n Utter Insanity vs Lemmitania
MD14: NASTIC 2 vs Total n Utter Insanity

Rob laughs.

Rob: At home to Pterodactyl? Why don't they just give us the points and be done with it.

Bob: Well you would have thought so, but with the recent overconfidence came last matches slip up to Artoonia that let Tadjikistan back into the race.

Carl: It was a good thin' the Lemmings committed suicide at Dennisov.

Rob: Aye, but if you avoid the last match the Insanicians have been on a winning spree, maybe one of their best.

Carl: Ain’t we got sum records or sumthing?

Bob: No all Insanician Records are destroyed so they can be faked later to look better, how do you think we won World Cup 2?

Rob: Bein' good?

Bob laughs.

[ADVERT]

I won 7-2 in WC6, you could say 9 goals > 8 :D

aye, but i meant 'biggest win', not 'highest scoring match'

so, it looks like we have these two records:

BIGGEST WIN
Pure Evil 0-8 Iansisle

HIGHEST SCORING MATCH
Antaeus' 7-2 win, see also, Audioslavia 5-4 Squornshelous, and a match with Giant Zucchini in it which finished 6-3 to someone if i remember correctly

give me ten seconds and i'll have a look :)

edit: cant seem to log onto nswcc.tripod.com as an admin :/ but all the results for World Cups 1-8 are there if anyone wants to dig them out :)

I was talking about
WC6 - GROUP 1 - MD2
Total n Utter Insanity 7 LordSquall 2

WC6QMD1 had lots of 9 goal games, I remember.

Bob: Welcome back. How do you see the Insanicians 12th match against Tadjikistan going guys?

Carl: Well you have to say that Tadjikistan would stand a very good chance...

Rob: ...If it werenae for the fact they were all a bunch of big girls blouses.

Bob: Big girls blouses?

Rob: Aye. They should stick to wee girl football.

Carl: They haven't got a hope in hell.

Bob: The last match finished two all.

Carl: Bagramian's free kick was so lucky to get that deflection.

Rob: An..also in the last few minutes Main was tripped in the box, a definite penalty.

Carl: That Gurg needs a couple of good punches in the 'ead.

Rob: Damn straight!

Bob: How 'bout the Lemmings?

Carl: Nah, we wouldn't want to punch them.

Rob: You're so violent Bob, wanting to beat up an entire football team, what have they ever done to you?

Bob: I meant how about the next match after Tadjikistan, against the Lemmings.

Rob: Oh, why don't you say what you mean.

Carl: Yeah Bob, before someone gets 'urt.

Bob: So the Lemmings?

Rob: Would you stop going on about 'em.

Carl: You on a one man crusade to rid the world of Lemmings?

Bob sighs.

Rob: We don't tolerate your sort in this civilised society.

Carl: Yeah, be careful we don't string you up.

[ADVERT]

DSR
Druidish
Sports
Review

DRUIDS STAY UNBEATEN, BUT FALL OUT AT THE TOP
By Ian Question-Mark

The Druids' look good for World Cup qualification, after three more victories in Group 7 meant that they are guarenteed a play-off berth at least.

The wins were nothing spectacular. A Liam Gessemschmitthaagen-Po hat-trick in Kerla was followed up by the toughest of the three games, The Gulf States at The Hole. However, the Druids somehow overcame their plucky opponents, earning themselves a dodgy penalty from Jeruselem referee Shimon Kadir that Gessemschmitthaagen-Po put away easily. Finaly, Trevor Law stole the show in Adrusuvare, as he scored two and set one up for Bill Posters as the Druids ran out 3-1 winners.

However, the main football story surrounding the Druids at the moment is the rumoured fall-out between President Geraint Griffiths and the Druids' joint manager Trevor Kallins. Griffiths was unhappy that Kallins' side had lost a seemingly easy game in the AOCAF Cup to a less than famous Lamoni side, prompting Griffiths to allegedly disown his country's team.

"I'm not exactly a fan of his policies, but for the President to call you is an honour," said Kallins afterwards. "But for a man in such a position to react like he did doesn't bode well for hte future."

In fact, the Presidents popularity is falling, but this is Druidish Sports Review, not Druidish Politics Review, so we'll leave that one for another time. However, the popularity of Druidish football means that if you cross the manager, then you cross great numbers of the people, too.

Le LIBRE

Ramblings from the French

An Opinion from our Readers:

Having seen the first 10 matches of the World Cup played; it has been an adventure for many teams. As a Fan of Les Bleus, I saw them start off their first 4 matches, and though, they will be on top for the rest of the qualifying round. Low and behold, they fell down to as low as 4th place I believe, but don’t check me on my stats. Oh well, it happens to the best and the opposite can be said for the worst, well unless you are Qia. I found it odd though that we haven’t had a match for about a month and a few weeks, especially after we had about 1 match every 2 weeks. What is going on with the cup? Don’t tell me that the cup is going to turn into another World Cup 15 catastrophe! Anyways, as for Les Bleus, they are sitting at the moment in 2nd place. I guess that is a reasonable position to be, especially when they only need 1 point to be tied in first with Melmond. I will say though that if Les Bleus continue to play horribly against these top teams, they might see themselves fighting for that wild card, or even knocked out of the cup all together.

-Henry Brotodeau
Bruzze, Eauz

Review after 10 Match Days

Well many interesting stories can be told after 10 match days. In group 3, it appears that Melmond has become strong in this World Cup, and will be a serious contender, unlike in the past. They currently lead Group 3, and don’t look to be giving up, as they have been scoring by large differences. Currently though, with 4 match days left, there is only 1 out of the 8 teams who cannot qualify for the cup. Insane Inflation will have to hold on if they want to have any chance of qualifying. The best they can do is make it to 3rd place to play in a qualifying match against a 4th place in another group. Speaking of the 3rd/4th place position match, the hosts have recently declared the schedule for those matches. If the qualifying round were to start today, Group 3 would be matched up against Group 1.

(3) Tadjikistan vs. (4) Oaker & (3) Spaam vs. (4) Dennisov.

Currently, the 3rd and 4th position in both groups have the same points, so Tadjik and Spaam have 19 and Oaker and Dennisov have 17. It would definitely be 2 good matches to watch.

Les Bleus are coming up to the tough section of their schedule again, and with hope, this rest has got them back into form and ready to play. Many of them are hoping to get revenge on Spaam in Spaam’s backyard, along with getting revenge on the Melmond team in their backyard. If they can beat these two teams, Les Bleus will definitely be in good form going into the World Cup. Les Bleus have a bit of history on their side, as in a few of the past cups, they were down in 3rd and 2nd position for most of the cup, and near the end of the cup, they claimed the 1st place position in the group. Most notable is the last world cup, where Les Bleus were fighting NEWI for that 1st place, and when it came down to the final match, Les Bleus were assuming they would take 2nd place, but NEWI failed, giving Les Bleus the first position and the 1 point lead.

In other World Cup news, The Grand Dominion of Bedistan along with The Empire of Eauz have decided to put out a host bid for World Cup 18. The last time Les Bleus hosted was during World Cup 15, and many people speculated scandal and corruption, resulting in the early elimination of some top teams, and the unexpected victory by Commerce Heights the arch-enemy of Les Bleus. Nonetheless the officials of Eauz football want to promise that things will be changed from the last time they hosted. So far, aside from the Bedistan/Eauz bid, Melmond and the NEWI Druids have combined together to also bid in the hosting of the same cup. Aside from that, not many other bids have appeared, as teams are still getting over the problems with hosting a cup.

OOC

On the topic of thrashings, I managed beat up some n00b team 7-1 in WC XIII or WC XVI.

The Bedistan Sports Digest

Spurland Defeated
Sorry, we couldn't think of a catchy headline for this one

COLUMBIA -- The Bedistan Lions returned to Holmes Stadium for the first time since the hurricane hit Columbia to face Spurland for the second time. The first time around, Bedistan walked away with a somewhat sketchy 2-0 win, and they hoped to improve on that at home.

Two early goals by captain Jackson Reinhardt opened the match, but Spurland hit back quickly to narrow the lead to one. The rest of the first half was relatively quiet, as was most of the second half, punctuated only by Dave al-Armani's header off a Sam Willow corner kick in the 63rd minute for 3-1.

Manager Brandon Barton said he was okay with his team's performance, though he did think that the Lions could have done a little better.

Final score:
Bedistan 3 (Reinhardt 6, 14; al-Armani 63)
Spurland 1

Trojan Horse
Bedistan lull Carthage and Troy into false sense of security for win

CARTHAGE AND TROY -- The next match sent the Lions to Carthage and Troy. Bedistan won the first match in a 5-2 thriller, and most expected a similar result here. Manager Barton was up to his tricks again, as he fielded an oddly defensive 5-4-1. The Lions chose not to attack for pretty much all of the first half, and some might say that they even got a little cocky. So cocky even that Carthage and Troy would score first, as Dani Garcia snaked his way through a lapse in the defense's concentration, leaving goalkeeper Hank Paulsen out to dry and putting the home side up one-nil.

Coach Mike Davidson assured everyone that he had a plan, though, and a double substitution put Bedistan in a 3-4-3. The Trojans seemed to think that our defensive formation would be maintained and were not properly prepared for the barrage of second-half attacks. Benjamin Xi equalized in the 58th minute, and two minutes later Sven Cardinal helped his Lions take the lead. Nick Yu added a goal of his own in the 73rd, and Jackson Reinhardt drove the final nail into Carthage and Troy's coffin shortly before the final whistle.

Barton had nothing but praise for his offense after the match. "Not only are they getting the wins for us, they're doing it with style, which is what the fans are looking for. More fan support leads to even more wins, and more wins hopefully lead to that elusive World Cup."

The next match is at home against Vorpal Bunnies.

Final score:
Carthage and Troy 1 (Garcia 38)
Bedistan 4 (Xi 58, Cardinal 60, Yu 73, Reinhardt 86)

Group 8 Update

---Group 8----
[1] Bedistan 10 9 0 1 29-8 27
[2] Lovisa 10 7 2 1 28-11 23
<3> Krytenia 10 6 2 2 24-9 20
<4> Jeruselem 10 5 2 3 19-18 17
5- Dance 2 Revolution 10 4 1 5 16-19 13
6- Spurland 10 2 3 5 9-14 9
7- Carthage and Troy 10 2 0 8 13-26 6
8- Vorpal Bunnies 10 0 0 10 9-42 0 E

Bedistan has secured a playoff slot and needs 6 points to secure an automatic
berth.
Spurland and C&T cannot earn an automatic berth.
Vorpal Bunnies have been completely eliminated.

Stars not thinking about 'distant future'

The Sarzonian national team currently sits in third place in the Group 9 standings, just two points behind the co-leaders for first and second place and the two automatic bids to World Cup XVII. The third and fourth place teams in each group will play a one game playoff against the fourth and third place teams from a different group for the right to advance.

If the qualifying campaign ended today, the Stars would face Europa Brittania, the current fourth place side in Group 6. Regional rivals Starblaydia would face Group 6 third place Tanah Burung. Based solely on world rankings, the Stars would get the worse of that exchange with Europa Brittania the fifth ranked team in the world and Tanah Burung ranked 12th.

"We can't worry about the playoff game yet," Coach Bryan Marshall said. "We've got the AOCAF tournament and our group play to focus on. Right now, I'm thinking about Xile in the AOCAF tournament and Iansisle in the World Cup. That's our focus."

If the placings reversed and the Stars faced Tanah Burung, it would be the third meeting between the teams. Tanah Burung was the top seed in the group the Stars were in and the teams split two matches. The Stars won at home 2-1 and lost away 2-0.

"I don't think there's any advantage if we play Tanah or Europa," forward Brian Wilson said. "Remember that we could still finish out of the playoff picture entirely still. Nothing's been clinched yet. We still have tough matches to go before we even have to think about a playoff match or the World Cup finals or the Cup of Harmony."

"It's a strange system," midfielder and team captain Bobby Convey said. "It won't resolve itself until the last game of the qualifying stage has been played."

Disappointments Do Not Live Up To Name
Which Is A Good Thing As Melmond Is Still Tops in Group 3
By Pjsy RhIngg of the Wzkknfs Hnyd Tribune

SLAIKAU—These are the games that the Melmond National Team have historically blown, the matches against mediocre and bad sides. It happened in World Cup 15 as they lost and tied matches to sides like Intelligent Madness and Turnia as the last qualifying slot slipped from their grasps. In World Cup 16, it was the pesky pinkos of Cirdanistan that kept Melmond from going to its first every World Cup final. Things started to look bad on that front as sides like Slaikau and Qia were able to tie Melmond in the first half of qualifying matches. However, with convincing victories over Spaam and Eauz and no sign of let down against Insane Inflation and The Evil Umpire, perhaps this is the time where Melmond will not stumble on tiny molehills of sides.
The perhaps in that last statement was thrown out the window rather quickly as the Melmond National Team desperately wanted to prove that the earlier tie at home to Slaikau was a fluke. Whenever Slaikau found a way to get into scoring territory, the physical Melmond defence just maneuvered and outmuscled the Slaikau attack and kept the ball away from them. Unfortunately for the most of the first half, the Melmond attack was rather ineffective in its own right as their shots and passes were frequently off target.
However, with as many chances as Melmond got against the Slaikau goalkeeper, at least one is eventually going to have to go in, and that was the case at the 31st minute. Midfielder Alfred Smith took a throw in from fellow Melmond midfielder Fwynj Otsjx. Smith made some nifty moves around the Slaikau defence and was ready to make a shot of his own. He makes a hard and accurate shot that the Slaikau goalkeeper would have been powerless to stop. However, that ball bounced off the head of the unsuspecting Slaikau defender Dan Jones. The deflection was picked up by Melmond striker Tim Remans who cleaned up the shot as he puts the ball easily in a wide-open net as the Slaikau goalkeeper had already committed to Alfred Smith’s shot. Melmond would take the 1-nil lead into the half in front of the half-empty stadium, but the most telling statistic was the emptiness of the shot statistic for Slaikau. They had zero shot opportunities. That’s right, zero. Rumour has it that Melmond goalkeeper Snhp Xtfuinxm was signing autographs for the Melmond football faithful during first half play.
The Melmond attack in the second half was just as inaccurate as it was in the first half. However, the big difference in the second half was the fitness levels of both sides. The Melmond attack still looked very fresh while the Slaikau defence was rather sluggish. As a result, the Melmond attack got twice as many shots and twice as many goals.
At the 55th minute, Alfred Smith would finally get his goal. On a corner kick from Melmond defender Jonsi Torrini, Smith just chest trapped the long corner and kicked the ball hardly and accurately from a very difficult angle. The ball was just out of Slaikau goalkeeper’s reach. Melmond takes the 2-nil lead.
That lead would be extended to three as after corner after corner allowed by the Slaikau defence, Melmond midfielder Critandi Unne beautifully bicycle kicked a goal in the net at the 78th minute. The goal for Slaikau was rather comical really, as it was an own goal at the 85th minute by the player who seems to be prone to flukish own goals his entire career, Melmond defender and captain Jonsi Torrini. A Slaikau midfielder’s long pass intended for the striker accidentally deflected off the shoulder of Torrini and past the baffled Melmond goalkeeper Snhp Xtfuinxm. Oddly enough, it seemed that the Melmond side got more of a kick out of that fluky goal than the Slaikau side as Torrini had this “I can’t believe I did it again” kind of look and Xtfuinxm could only grin and shake his head in disbelief. That last goal didn’t matter anyway, as Melmond maintains their dominant play and their hold of first place with the 3-1 victory.

Goals
Remans, MEL 31st
Smith, MEL 55th
Cr. Unne, MEL 78th
Torrini, SLA (OG) 85th

Cards
None

Standings

Other Group 3 Results
Qia 1 – Eauz 4
Insane Inflation 3 – Spaam 1
The Evil Umpire 1 – Oaker 3

Group 3
Pts W D L GF:GA GD
1. Melmond 23 7 2 1 27:8 19
2. Eauz 22 7 1 2 27:12 15
3. Spaam 19 6 1 3 28:18 10
4. Oaker 17 5 2 3 19:12 7
5. Slaikau 13 4 1 5 13:21 -8
6. The Evil Umpire 12 4 0 6 15:23 -8
7. Insane Inflation 7 2 1 7 12:24 -12
8. Qia 2 0 2 8 12:35 -23

Team Stats
Goals: Tim Remans (8), Ojfssnsj Xrnym (7), Critandi Unne (4), Jamie Prior (2), Alfred Smith (2), Lave Serna (1), Jake Cormier (1), Jonsi Torrini (1), Cristina Antunez (1)
Cards: Charles Unne (2), Trav Strachan (1,1), Jamie Prior (1), Alfred Smith (1), Veronica Dean (1)

Melmond National Team Schedule

v Insane Inflation (Frankndottir Stadium, Acosta) W 3-0
v The Evil Umpire (Vilita) W 3-1
v Slaikau (Microcosm Football Colossuseum, Aldi) T 1-1
@ Qia T 1-1
@ Oaker L 3-1
v Spaam (Melmond Bowl, Melmond City) W 4-1
@ Eauz W 3-0
@ Insane Inflation W 5-0
v The Evil Umpire (Commerce Heights) W 3-0
@ Slaikau W 3-1
v Qia (Bwnlqjd Knjgi, Wzkknfs Hnyd)
v Oaker (Feliz-Unne Stadium, Unne)
@ Spaam
v Eauz (Makinshakes Stadium, O’Connor)

Next Game
vs. Qia (Bwnlqjd Knjgi, Wzkknfs Hnyd)

The Melmond National Team is finally sitting pretty as they are on top of Group 3 and three of their last four matches are at home. Let us hope that this statement is not a jinx as those bad things happen to us quite a bit. However, we will say it about the match against Qia, which Melmond should dominate. Look for the natives of the Wzkknf region of Melmond to play their best in their first international match in front of their hometown. Here is Manager David Bixler’s starting lineup.

GK- Snhp Xtfuinxm
D- Jonsi Torrini
D- Sergio Ortiz
D- Charles Unne
D- Trav Strachan
M- Fwynj Otsjx
M- Alfred Smith
M- Critandi Unne
M- Cristina Antunez
F- Ojfssnsj Xrnym
F- Tim Remans

Bwnlqjd Knjgi
Location: Wzkknfs Hnyd, Melmond
Seats: 50,024 (Open Air)

The region formerly known as Ruffia and now known as Wzkknf finally has a major sporting stadium to call its own in its capital of Wzkknfs Hnyd. The Wzkknf region may be technically part of Melmond and there are no wishes for independence as they are rather happy of the unobtrusive Melmondian rule, this stadium is like a national stadium in a region which has its unique culture unto its own. The world famous gum company based in Wzkknfs Hynd, Bwnlqjd, put in a lot of their own money in this stadium. The stadium itself has a cover for all the seats so they do not get wet, unless you want to be really close to the action where retractable seating is used as this stadium can be also used for track and field as well as football. Wzkknfs Hnyd is Melmond's eleventh largest city and has boasted such Melmondian football players as Snhp Xtfuinxm, Fwynj Otsjx, and Ojfssnsj Xrnym. Tickets are hopelessly sold out! Jsotd!

Liverpool England 2-1 Regia Anglorum

Liverpool England today kept their unbeaten run alive with a 2-1 victory over newcomers Regia Anglorum. Sirx put out a risky 2-5-3 formation which paid off with the team having most of the possession in midfield. Chris Hawkins put his name on the scoresheet after just 13 minutes, a well-executed free kick which sailed past the keeper into the net for 1-0. The Vilitan referee Jesson Muldoch, refereeing a Liverpool England game for the second time in the qualifiers, then gave Regia Anglorum a penalty for an alleged handball by Timothy Dennard, who was booked. The yellow card was later rescinded, but the goal stood. 1-1. Dennard himself put the hosts intowhat must have been an unassailable lead with barely two minutes to play to make it 2-1.

Ref: J Muldoch (VIL, LERating(R): 4/10)

FALE in Talks With Other FAs for WC18 Hosting bid
The FALE are reportedly in talks with 'at least 4 other Football Associations' about a possible cohost WC18 bid. The official we spoke to refused to give any more details, but confirmed a deal was close to being made.

Table, 9 MDs
---Group 5----
[1] Kingsford 9 7 2 0 25-4 23
[2] Liverpool England 9 7 2 0 20-5 23
<3> Oglethorpia 9 4 4 1 20-12 16
<4> Turnia 9 5 0 4 13-13 15
5- Aquiliana 9 2 3 4 11-19 9
6- Avenging Altos 9 2 0 7 10-21 6
7- Kipto-Mare 9 1 2 6 10-22 5
8- Regia Anglorum 9 1 1 7 9-22 4

Avenging Atos, Kipto-Mare and Regia Anglorum can only secure playoff spots.

MD10 - Avenging Altos 0-3 Liverpool England: Altos fail to Avenge earlier defeat

The Avenging Altos today lost 3-0 on home soil to the visiting Liverpool England. The Altos, expected by home fans to live up to their name and avenge an earlier defeat of the same margin, fell easily with Sirx putting forth a not-so-common 1-4-5 formation, which left the defence leaky with just lone defender Dominic Dirosa.
However, the possession up front paid off; a corner kick on 27 minutes sailing into the net off a defender's head for 1-0, with Doug Freech claiming the goal. Freech would go on to add two more to his tally for his first international hat-trick as the Altos were crushed 3-0.

Referee: T Scalfano (SAR, LERating (R): 8.5/10)

FALE Confirm Hosting Bid: Liverpool England/Squornshelous

The FALE have publicly confirmed that an agreement has been reached between the Football Associations of Liverpool England and Squornshelous to submit a co-host bid for the coming World Cup 18. Paul Dussis told reporters that he believed that 'Squornshelous, being Cherry Cup hosts, certainly show that they have the facilities to host a major tournament.' There has been no confirmation yet from the Squornshelan side.

Table, 10 MDs
---Group 5----
[1] Kingsford 10 8 2 0 29-4 26
[2] Liverpool England 10 8 2 0 23-5 26
<3> Oglethorpia 10 5 4 1 26-13 19
<4> Turnia 10 5 0 5 14-15 15
5- Aquiliana 10 3 3 4 13-20 12
6- Avenging Altos 10 2 0 8 10-24 6
7- Kipto-Mare 10 1 2 7 10-26 5
8- Regia Anglorum 10 1 1 8 10-28 4

Kingsford and Liverpool England are guaranteed playoff spots.
Aquiliana, Avenging Altos, Kipto-Mare and Regia Anglorum
can only acheive qualification through the playoffs.

Liverpool England 2-1 Regia Anglorum

Liverpool England today kept their unbeaten run alive with a 2.[/color]
Avenging Altos, Kipto-Mare and Regia Anglorum
can only acheive qualification through the playoffs.[/code]

Same for Aquiliana (12) 4 gamse left times 3 points = 12 points left, 12+12=24, which is short of 26 and the auto qualifying spots

Same for Aquiliana (12) 4 gamse left times 3 points = 12 points left, 12+12=24, which is short of 26 and the auto qualifying spots
Failed to realise that. Thanks.

Experts laugh, They think it's all over

Only a 'Guaranteed' 3 points for the Revolutionaries in the final hurdle as fall is predicted

It's been a devestating few match-days for the D2Rian morale. Conceding 11 goals in three games and winning an amazing 1 point in the vital stage of Qualification. One thing has been decided, D2R can not gain automatic qualification bar a miracle. Lovisa needs 2 points to seal D2R's fate, ironically a win against dead-men walking D2R would get them over that. A win for D2R meaning very little to be honest.

The RFA has put pressure on Terry Freeze, giving an ultimatum of Qualify or be gone. Freeze has a mountain to climb after letting Jeruselem make a 4 point gap and Krytenia gaining a 7 point advantage over the Revolutionaries.

Match Day 8

Dance 2 Revolution held host to Bedistan on Match Day 8. And after a match that ended 2-0 with a quite poor display by the home team, D2R were expected to maybe get a result in this game, but losing this would not be shameful...as long as it was not a drubbing...(oops we shouldn't have said that)

The Bedistan seemed to play a formation not like any other, a 5-0-5. The lack of a midfield made it easy for D2R to keep possesion...It was doing something with it that was the problem. And a significant problem at that. Xi didn't take long to get past the D2Rian defence after a pass from Yu on 2'

Many more goals came from the Bedistan side...At half time it was 3-0 and not much support from the crowd.

A penalty was awarded for a foul on Cardinal whilst shooting by Mayyojokyin, who recieved yellow, and the Freeze was lucky not to get one for persistant arguing. Yu converted...4-0

4 minutes later, Cardinal gave another contribution to the game with a goal of his own, making the away side gain a 5 goal advantage.

It was not until the final few seconds that D2R pulled one back, Ruun Van Mushruum managing to break through the defence and put an end to the Bedistan 'keeper's main celebration of a Clean Sheet. Full Time

Final score:
Dance 2 Revolution 1 (van Mushruum 90)
Bedistan 5 (Xi 2; Reinhardt 27, 40; Yu pen 71; Cardinal 75)
Referee: Margaret ( 6 )

Match Day 9

D2R travelled to Jeruselem for Match Day 9 where nothing much happened

4 goals by D2R ended in a 2-2 draw with Jeruselem.

Jeruselem lead at half time after a bizzare own goal with Kinjioto throwing it in past Handplant (Somehow).

Jeruselem increased their lead with a contender for goal of the World Cup by (guess who!) Kinjioto(bet you never guessed) inadvertedly and cheekily flicking it into his own net.

Maeda came off the bench after the 2nd own goal and didn't take long to make his mark after a 50 yard strike caught Jeruselem 'keeper off his line and it dipped in.

It was Maeda again to bring D2R back level...unusually it was not a penalty and he WAS in the box to header in a 2nd, but that was all.

Final Score
Jeruselem 2 (Kinjioto 43'(og),76'(og)
Dance 2 Revolution (Maeda 79', 87')

Match Day 10

Krytenia this time...continuing their run of the top 4...finishing in Lovisa, a bit more experienced that Jeruselem, this should be no drubbing(oops), a shock win could be on the cards.

D2R Lost 4-1 with strikes in the 17th, 27th, 49th and 78th minutes by the Krytenians, whilst D2R could only manage the 1 goal, though it came in the 9th minute.

Final Score
Dance 2 Revolution 1(Hentea 9')
Krytenia 4(Smith 17', 27', 78' ULVÆUS 78')

Hopeless Halfassed rescued by Abysmal ref!

With possibly the most difficult run-in of games they had ever faced, the Halfassed side needed to get 3pts against a weak Northbank side to keep in touch. It didn't happen!
From Gurg's first whistle, the home side hassled their opponents, and only a brilliant save from fleetfoot kept Halfassed level. Up front, the Halfassed strikers were getting absolutly no change from the Northbank defense.
Unsurprisingly for those in attendance, Northbank took the lead after 35mins. Smithers completely misjudged a through ball allowing the #9 a free run on goal. Dispite Fleetfoot blocking the first shot, the striker was able to put the rebound into the net for the opening goal.
At the break, Mitchell decided to introduce Woods in place of David, it had little effect on the flow of the game, as the Northbank midfield maintained thier dominance. Indeed, the home side should have been 2 up in the 55th minute, but #10 was flagged offside dispite not appearing to be involved in the play!
Mitchell then played his last cards, introducing Bowman to try and end #9's runs, while bringing on Hansen up front. This was the master stroke tyhat helped turn things for Halfassed. A Gunnett free-kick was headed against the post by Bowman. Hansen's long range shot was turned round the post by the keeper. From the corner, Bell headed the ball in, but Grug disallowed the goal claiming Ze Bulliao had blocked the keeper.
It seemed as though Halfassed were heading for a disasterous defeat until Bell played Hansen through. The striker charged into the box and as the #5 came to block. Hansen went down very easily under the challenge, somehow Gurg was the only person in the stadium who thought it was a penalty. Despite the protests from the Northbank team, the ref refused to change his decision and Bell stepped up to strike the ball home.
It was a point that Halfassed barely diserved, but they gladly accepted as it eased them back into 4th place.

MD 10:
Northbank 1 (#9 35mins)
Halfassed 1 (Bell 89 pen)
Fleetfoot 8; Sleet 5, Smithers 4**, Peters 5; Bell 7, White 4, Porter 5, Gunnett 6; Ya 5***, Ze Bulliao 5, David 5*
Subs. Woods (45mins) 5*; Bowman (62mins) 4**; Hansen (62mins) 7***
Ref: Gurg {ABS} 3

With a single point advantage over El Cid and having to face the three sides above them in the final 4 games, things dont look good for the national side. Here's hoping that the late equaliser was just their first stroke of luck and they have more to come - I think they are going to need it!

Matchday 11 Scores Posted:

SCORES THREAD (http://forums2.jolt.co.uk/showthread.php?t=356281)

Falcons hanging on barely
A crucial point gained against Liverpool England

It was probably the most important game of this tournament. Aquiliana needed to get a point here to stay in the race for the playoffs, especially as the news came that 4th-place Turnia had defeated Kipto-Mare 3-0.

And somehow, they managed to put 2 goals in against Liverpool, earning a draw and the ability to fight for a playoff spot. Now 5 points behind Turnia, the Falcons come up against the bottom 3 teams in the group once again, needing at least 2 wins, and realistically needing 3. Turnia will play the top 3 teams at the same time, so there is still hope for qualification. At this point, Turnia looks to hold the goal differential by the end of qualifiers, so the points will be what determines who makes this play-in game.

The Falcons look to avenge an embarrasing loss to the Avenging Altos Friday night.

Final Score:
Liverpool England 2 - 2 Aquiliana
(Johnson 28, 51) - (Auguratius 12, Flögel 74)

The Bedistan Sports Digest

Thank You, Come Again
Vorpal Bunnies get an ASSKICKEN

COLUMBIA -- Remember the first match of World Cup 16 qualifying? You know, that one where Bedistan became the first team ever to win a match by seven goals in their 7-0 rout of ASSKICKEN? Of course, that's no longer a record (more on that later), but it's still a damn fine performance. And we did it again tonight at Holmes Stadium against Vorpal Bunnies.

Manager Brandon Barton has commented several times on striker Benjamin Xi's waning performance in these qualifiers. But he was silenced after Xi's performance tonight, as he scored a hat trick and then some -- four goals in all against the speedy but impotent defense. The first of these came nine minutes in, then Sven Cardinal (the Lions were playing a 3-4-3 tonight) followed it up with one of his own. Vorpal Bunnies managed their only attack in the 17th minute, but Carl Chang had no trouble taking the ball away from Bunny striker Josh II. Xi added his second and third before the half ended, and he received a standing ovation when the teams returned to their locker rooms at halftime.

Four-nil up, the Lions backed off a bit for the second half, preferring to save their energy for the final three matches against tougher opposition. However, the Vorpal Bunnies seemed to have given up by this point and were roaming around listlessly. Xi made it 5-0 before being substituted out, then Jackson Reinhardt and Ted Best finished it off at the end. All nine Vorpal Bunnies fans had left the stadium long before this point.

This smackdown, combined with other results in Group 8, means that Bedistan's "magic number" is down to three. If Bedistan wins one more match, they are qualified for the World Cup. Qualification also occurs if Krytenia lose a match. If Krytenia draw and Bedistan do not lose, we're also through.

Final score:
Bedistan 7 (Xi 9, 28, 38, 57; Cardinal 13; Reinhardt 71; Best 76)
Vorpal Bunnies 0

In other World Cup news...

As we mentioned earlier, the 7-0 win is no longer a record. On Matchday 10, Iansisle beat the everliving hell out of Pure Evil (pun intended) eight-nil -- away! Some Iansisleans were somewhat unhappy about the increased publicity that came about as a result of that, so that was fixed tonight. Rejistania, arguably the best footballing nation in the world, faced Ravea, arguably the worst footballing nation in the world. The result: the first ever two-digit score in the history of the NationStates World Cup, as Rejistania scored an incredible ten goals! Yet at the same time, the Orange-Blues were humiliated by actually giving up a goal to Ravea. Ravea have scored just five goals this whole tournament, including that one, and have given up fifty-seven for a record low goal difference of -52. Both Rejistania and Ravea will certainly go down in the history books.

Also, Kingsford has become the first nation to officially qualify for the World Cup, as they are ten points ahead of third-placed Oglethorpia in Group 5 with three matches to go. Here is a listing of other teams that can theoretically qualify on Matchday 12, along with their "magic numbers":

Total n Utter Insanity (Group 1) - 4
The Eagles Nest (Group 2) - 4
Svecia (Group 2) - 6
Eauz (Group 3) - 5
Squornshelous (Group 4) - 5
Cockbill Street (Group 4) - 6
Liverpool England (Group 5) - 2
NEWI Cefn Druids (Group 7) - 2
Bedistan (Group 8) - 3
Commerce Heights (Group 9) - 5
Iansisle (Group 9) - 5
Rejistania (Group 10) - 1

(By "magic number", we means the total number of points that either that team must earn or the third-place team must fail to earn.)

Stars fail to assert selves in loss

The Sarzonian national team was playing what some pundits were calling their last tough match of the World Cup qualifying campaign at second seeded and 14th ranked Iansisle.

The match pitted a Stars team that started a seven match unbeaten streak against the highly ranked team who had just set a World Cup record with an 8-0 shutout against group doormat Pure Evil. Even though the Stars held the hosts offense to just two goals and put one past the 'keeper, it wasn't enough and the Stars saw their World Cup qualifying streak end with a 2-1 loss.

"We played pretty well, especially for a road match against a tough side," Coach Bryan Marshall said, sounding uncharacteristically upbeat after watching his Stars control most of the match, but end up on the unlucky end of calls by Vilitan referee Jutaoi Linuao. Linuao called a penalty on defender Lance Alcina that most observers said was a dive, but the top Iansisle striker slammed the ball past a diving Troy Perkins to give the hosts a 1-0 lead in the 28th minute.

The Stars (7-1-3, 22 points, fourth place, Group 9) applied intense pressure after the goal and nearly equalized 10 minutes later off the boot of forward Anton Gregor, but midfielder Darwin Russell was called offside.

"[Midfielder Bobby] Convey sent that touch before I got past their back," Russell said. "That call didn't kill us, but it didn't help."

The Stars eventually got the equalizer in the 71st minute when forward Barry Alphonso came in for fellow forward Brian Wilson and banged in a rebound after a scramble in the Iansisle area.

However, the Stars elation at the goal by the reserve forward was short lived. Linuao called an indirect free kick on a foul by defender Corey Hemby that could easily have gone uncalled, Perkins said.

"I don't know about the call, but I still wish I could get that ball back," Perkins said. The ace midfielder for Iansisle sent a free kick with little pace but great direction past a stunned Perkins and forced the Stars to play catchup with just 19 minutes left in regulation time. Despite the Stars making an offensive substitution and playing a 3-4-3 for the remaining 19 minutes, the Stars couldn't equalize.

The Stars' last four matches come against teams that are lower in the standings than they are.

"We still have our work cut out for us," Marshall said. "We've still got an outside chance at an automatic bid and we are in line for a spot in the playoff match. That should be our ultimate goal, but we have to play one match at a time."

He’s Back…
Voodoo Dice Perpetrators Evade Police After Dismal Loss
By Pjsy RhIngg of the Wzkknfs Hnyd Tribune

WZKKNFS HNYD, MELMOND—Just when the Melmond footballing community got comfortable, he has to return, the voodoo dice culprit. After the stunning 1-nil loss to minnows Qia, the man suspected in ruining any chance that the Melmond National Team had in World Cup 16 qualifying has been spotted fleeing the stadium with an accomplice right after the final whistle and the rioting started. No one has a clue what these culprits looked like as they both blended in the crowd wearing a Melmondian green ski mask, but all we know is that if these guys keep up the voodoo dice curse, the Melmond National Team is in great danger in falling out of World Cup competition once again.
Before the match, voodoo dice aside, who would have given Qia a chance even if they had all the voodoo dice in the Melmond black market on their side. Qia seems to be the lock of the basement of Group 3 as they have shown very little talent and aptitude for the sport of football, getting shellacked by numerous other sides and making continuously clumsy efforts down the field. In comparison, Melmond looked like a side that finally arrived in its rightful place as an emerging world power. For years, everyone knew that Melmond had the talent to compete, and after the experiences of World Cup 13 and 14 qualifying, they had the seasoning that they needed. But tragic fall aparts in their World Cup 15 and 16 qualification efforts have earned the nickname of the Disappointments and had their colors changed from the proud Melmondian green and white of the Fearless Farmers to the white and loser red of the Disappointments and Under-a-Cheevers. Under Manager David Bixler’s guidance it appeared that the Melmond National Team finally has harnessed that talent into a formidable force, showing their might with big wins against the likes of Spaam and Eauz and being on top of Group 3. With all the statistics on their side, who would have thought that Qia would have had a sliver of a chance? I suppose that is why they play the match.
The culprits behind the voodoo dice certainly chose a rather telling fashion to announce their return. First, the timing was rather dramatic as the Melmond National Team should be on its way into sewing up their first ever berth World Cup. Perhaps they want to add on the heartbreak factor of it all. Second, they chose the perfect target to fix the match against Melmond, the referee. Normally, Devon Parker of Bedistan has a rather good reputation amongst his peers in the refereeing business. However, as the World Cup Committee is keeping a very watchful eye on the referees to determine who will referee in the World Cup final, Parker really got a black eye on his reputation with his horrendous calls at no fault of his own as the voodoo dice has played with his judgments.
After the Melmond attacks were thwarted by some rather unusual bounces off the pitch, Qia finally mustered up an attack and eventually got a corner kick. At the 16th minute off the Qia corner, Melmond goalkeeper Snhp Xtfuinxm and Qia striker Stephen Horton had a violent midair collision as Xtfuinxm was going to punch the ball away and Horton was going for the header. Not only did both players just slam into each other, Horton got an inadvertent wrist to the head. However, through referee Devon Parker’s voodoo dice inflicted eyes, he saw the incident as an attack by Xtfuinxm. He gives Xtfuinxm the red card right in front of his home town crowd. The crowd was angry, but it was a contained anger. Melmond makes their first substitution out of necessity as they replace midfielder Alfred Smith with goalkeeper Gina Unne. Qia was awarded a penalty kick, but are so untalented that Stephen Horton completely whiffs on the kick and the breeze from his whiff was easily scooped up by Gina Unne.
However, the voodoo dice kept the Bedistan referee seeing red. He once again pulled out the red card on another native of Wzkknfs Hnyd, Melmond midfielder Fwynj Otsjx. He did make a hard and aggressive tackle to stop the Qia midfielder from beginning an attack, but it was clearly a clean tackle nonetheless. Otsjx was out of the match at the 31st minute and midfielder and player for the club team in Wzkknfs Hnyd Pauline Hulme came in the match to add some midfield strength. Defender Trav Strachan was the one substituted for although he had been playing very well in this match. Manager David Bixler feared that with his aggressive style of marking that he would be prime season for the red card happy referee. Luckily, things contained themselves in the first half as the half ended without any more bad bookings or goals, it was nil-nil.
Apparently, the true craziness saved itself until the second half. Rather than spreading the craziness out evenly, the voodoo dice culprit who was well camouflaged in Melmond footballing faithful gear wanted to pour on the havoc. On a Melmond attack at the 52nd minute, midfielder Pauline Hulme made a long and ambitious pass to Melmond striker and Wzkknfs Hnyd native Ojfssnsj Xrnym. Xrnym got past the Qia defender Eduardo Cea who fortunately tripped over his own untied shoelaces. Unfortunately, the whistle blew. Xrnym just thought it was an offside call, but it turned out to be a red card despite clear innocence. The power of the voodoo dice was able to give red cards to three natives of Wzkknfs Hnyd in front of their home crowd. Some fans got very angry and threw a full bottle of cheap Melmondian beer at the Bedistani referee. Unfortunately, a gust of wind blew through the stadium and the bottle careened to the head of Melmond striker and another Wzkknfs Hnyd native Tim Remans. Both strikers for Melmond out of the match in a matter of seconds as Xrnym get the red card and Remans get a couple lacerations. Needing a striker, Manager David Bixler puts in Lave Serna to replace the bleeding Tim Remans.
Despite all the Melmond injuries and being short three players on the pitch, Qia was never able to get a respectable attack started until late in the second half, at the 87th minute to be exact as it looked like Melmond was about to escape this debacle with a tie. However, after Qia kicked a desperation long ball, cosmically, well voodoo diceically, midfielder Pauline Hulme hand grew to giant proportions creating a hand ball situation. Unfortunately, she was in the goalkeeper’s box and Qia would get the penalty kick. Qia striker Stephen Horton would get another shot at getting a goal via a penalty kick. Apparently, the voodoo dice karma of hand sizes destroyed Melmond, as Gina Unne guesses correctly but her hands shrink to an amazingly small size and she is unable to grip the ball. Qia gets the goal and the victory and they celebrate as if the voodoo dice didn’t have any effect on the match. Riots started in the bars of Wzkknfs Hnyd, however the peace was maintained within the stadium until they notice the suspicious two in the stands just as they passed the gate. Angry fans and police chased them, but they threw back rocks and garbage and ran off to the Forest of Wzkknf and its mighty oak trees to hide from the angry throngs.

Goals
Horton, QIA 87th

Cards
Xtfuinxm, MEL 16th
Otsjx, MEL 31st
Xrnym, MEL 52nd

Standings

Other Group 3 Results
Eauz 3 – Insane Inflation 1
Spaam 2 – The Evil Umpire 2
Oaker 2 – Slaikau 1

Group 3
Pts W D L GF:GA GD
1. Eauz 25 8 1 2 30:13 17
2. Melmond 23 7 2 2 27:9 18
3. Spaam 20 6 2 3 30:20 10
4. Oaker 20 6 2 3 21:13 8
5. The Evil Umpire 13 4 1 6 17:25 -8
6. Slaikau 13 4 1 6 14:23 -9
7. Insane Inflation 7 2 1 8 13:27 -14
8. Qia 5 1 2 8 13:35 -22

Team Stats
Goals: Tim Remans (8), Ojfssnsj Xrnym (7), Critandi Unne (4), Jamie Prior (2), Alfred Smith (2), Lave Serna (1), Jake Cormier (1), Jonsi Torrini (1), Cristina Antunez (1)
Cards: Charles Unne (2), Trav Strachan (1,1), Jamie Prior (1), Alfred Smith (1), Snhp Xtfuinxm (1), Fwynj Otsjx (1), Ojfssnsj Xrnym (1) Veronica Dean (1)

Melmond National Team Schedule

v Insane Inflation (Frankndottir Stadium, Acosta) W 3-0
v The Evil Umpire (Vilita) W 3-1
v Slaikau (Microcosm Football Colossuseum, Aldi) T 1-1
@ Qia T 1-1
@ Oaker L 3-1
v Spaam (Melmond Bowl, Melmond City) W 4-1
@ Eauz W 3-0
@ Insane Inflation W 5-0
v The Evil Umpire (Commerce Heights) W 3-0
@ Slaikau W 3-1
v Qia (Bwnlqjd Knjgi, Wzkknfs Hnyd) L 1-0
v Oaker (Feliz-Unne Stadium, Unne)
@ Spaam
v Eauz (Makinshakes Stadium, O’Connor)

Next Game
vs. Oaker (Feliz-Unne Stadium, Unne)

Can the stakes be any higher than what they are in this match? First off, there is the personal rivalry and vendetta between these two sides as Oaker continually finds a way to beat Melmond and ruin and painfully smash all their dreams of glory despite the experts agreeing that Melmond has more footballing talent. Now, Oaker has partnered up with The Evil Umpire? Unholy alliance indeed! Second off, many of the starting players for the Melmond National Team are either out with injuries or red cards so there will be many new starters and a very thing bench for the Disappointments. Most importantly, this is a key match in terms of points as Melmond may be in danger of falling out of the automatic qualifying spot if they lose this match. If one thing is on their side, it’s that they are playing in one of the most intimidating places for an opponent to play, the uber-intimate Feliz-Unne Stadium. Here is Manager David Bixler’s starting lineup in this crucial match.

GK- Gina Unne
D- Jonsi Torrini
D- Sergio Ortiz
D- Charles Unne
D- Trav Strachan
M- Jake Cormier
M- Alfred Smith
M- Critandi Unne
M- Cristina Antunez
F- Lave Serna
F- Jamie Prior

Feliz-Unne Stadium
Location: Unne, Melmond
Seats: 48,000 (Open Air)

The city of Unne is Melmond’s third largest city and is said to be the most fashionable city in the nation. The city was named after the famous Dr. Unne, in which Melmondian legend claims that he taught the Light Warriors an ancient language which helped rid the world from Chaos (the evil being, not the concept). Descendants of the Unne family make their home in Unne and are a sort of unofficial royalty in Melmond. Three members of the Unne family: Critandi, Gina, and Diallo play for the Fearless Farmers. Feliz-Unne Stadium is one of the few football-specific stadiums in Melmond as it was built due to the success Melmond had in the Cup of Harmony also along with success the Unne Yellows club team had. They expanded the smaller Feliz Stadium by 30,000 seats. It was funded by the Unne family, hence the name. Seats are almost right on top of the pitch, and in the humid climate of Unne, it can make opponents claustrophobic. This also makes it a large yet intimate venue for world class football. Some of the closer seats to the pitch actually retract in to make room for the track field which is around the stadium. Some of the old section of the stadium was maintained and is an excellent spot to watch the match.

The Daily Druid

FISH SLAPPED
Björn-Trevor Frederiksson in NEWI Cefn Druids 3 Kirata 1

After seeing his girlfriend at the time run away with the dictator of Kirata in the away trip there, Druids joint manager Simon Greaves didn't appear to be at this match, though we understand that he was locked in the Druids' changing room by his colleague Trevor Kallins for what Kallins later described as "his own good". However, for the opening hour of this match, Kallins probably wished that he'd locked his strikers in there. Rhys Owens and Trevor Trevor were given the nod over Liam Gessemschmitthaagen-Po and Trevor Law after some good performances in the AOCAF Cup. however, today, they weren't much cop. Indeed, the same could have been said for the defence, as they let Kirata through onto the Druids goal on no less than four occassions. Three of the times, Lee Bell somehow managed to keep them out, but the final time, just before half time, he could do nothing about the shot of Lindemannia Piccolo flying past him to give the visitors what was probably a deserved lead.

The second half started in the same vein, with the Druids spurning chances while Kirata, who are also known as the fish for some reason or another, kept getting chances of their own. Then, on 61 minutes, Kallins made a triple substitution, taking off the two frontmen and Ron Lambealle, and bringing on his usual starters and Roland McDonald. The changes worked, as Law held the ball up and laid it off to onrushing left-back Clinton Nutting, who scored his first goal for the Druids with a simple finish. Then Gessemschmitthaagen-Po stole the show. Firstly, he caused a fishy defender to slip, easing past him and scoring a simple goal. Kirata came back slightly after that, but the fish were slapped in the face by a 35-yard shot by Gessemschmitthaagen-Po that Antigone Caralexander in the Kirata goal could only watch fly past him.

That wasn't it, though, as Mo Leicester was sent off in the closing minutes for lashing out at Kiratan defender Barney Blansky les, earning himself a ban for the rest of the qualifying campaign. Ooops, silly. The decision to send Leicester off was one of many simple ones that Vilitan referee Jesson Muldoch made in a very accomplished display. Well, at least someone had a good 90 minutes.

Final Score:
NEWI Cefn Druids 3 [Nutting 63, Gessemschmitthaagen-Po 66, 78]
Kirata 1 [Piccolo 44

...AND NOW, THE RESULTS/SCORERS/FIXTURES

Results so far...

Matchday 1: NEWI Cefn Druids 3-1 Kerla
Matchday 2: The Gulf States 1-2 NEWI Cefn Druids
Matchday 3: NEWI Cefn Druids 5-1 Adrusuvare
Matchday 4: Kirata 0-5 NEWI Cefn Druids
Matchday 5: NEWI Cefn Druids 1-1 The Lowland Clans
Matchday 6: Wella 0-2 NEWI Cefn Druids
Matchday 7: NEWI Cefn Druids 1-0 Lykaia
Matchday 8: Kerla 0-3 NEWI Cefn Druids
Matchday 9: NEWI Cefn Druids 1-0 The Gulf States
Matchday 10: Adrusuvare 1-3 NEWI Cefn Druids
Matchday 11: NEWI Cefn Druids 3-1 Kirata

Top scorers

[11] Trevor Law
[11] Liam Gessemschmitthaagen-Po
[2] Bill Posters
[1] Trevor Maddison
[1] Rhys Owens
[1] Maurice Leicester
[1] Clinton Nutting

...and still to come:

Matchday 12: The Lowland Clans v NEWI Cefn Druids
Matchday 13: NEWI Cefn Druids v Wella
Matchday 14: Lykaia v NEWI Cefn Druids

All home matches to be played at The Hole, Mawr (capacity currently 89,500)


KALLINS LINKED WITH DRUIDA
By Ian Question Mark.

After his big public fall-out with NCD President Geraint Griffiths, Druids manager Trevor Kallins has been linked with the Rogue Nation of Druida, a group that is against the Druidish government and has recently taken "temporary" control in Flexsys Cefn Druids. Though Kallins is keeping quiet, it is rumoured that Kallins is being lined up for a top job there by Druida leader Trevor Smith, probably being in charge of sport and the football team there.

THE HOLE TO BE EXPANDED

NEWI Cefn Druids' national stadium, The Hole, is to be expanded for the second time in just five years under new plans unveiled last week. The Hole currently holds 89,500, and the plans are to dig the actual hole that The Hole is in even deeper. Though the plans are for part of the Melmond/NEWI Cefn Druids hosting bid for World Cup 18, though the growing popularity of the Druids means that even if the bid is unsuccessful, the ground should sell out every game anyway. The expansion will take place after qualifying is over.

Some Stats (WC8-9 tomorrow)
Liverpool England World Cup/CoH record

WC6 Qualifying Group 1[PLEASE NOTE THAT THERE IS NO RECORD
OF WHETHER THE GAMES ARE HOME OR AWAY]
Total n Utter Insanity 2 Liverpool England 1
Liverpool England 4 Quohog 5
Liverpool England 0 Timway 1
Liverpool England 1 Errinundera 1
Liverpool England 1 Mezitzia 1
Liverpool England 3 Hegemonia Polska 1
Liverpool England 2 LordSquall 2
Total n Utter Insanity 2 Liverpool England 0
Liverpool England 1 Quohog 4
Liverpool England 2 Timway 0
Liverpool England 2 Errinundera 1
Liverpool England 2 Mezitzia 1
Liverpool England 0 Hegemonia Polska 0
Liverpool England 3 LordSquall 1

Final Tally, WC6
P W D L F A GD Pts
14 5 4 5 22 21 +1 19

WC7 Qualifying Group 2:
Liverpool England 1 Runaway Moose 2
Pavesia 2 Liverpool England 4
Intergallactic Hell 0 Liverpool England 4
Liverpool England 3 Praetorian Rome 1
Liverpool England 2 Commerce Heights 2
Runaway Moose 1 Liverpool England 0
Liverpool England 4 Intergallactic Hell 1
Praetorian Rome 0 Liverpool England 2
Commerce Heights 1 Liverpool England 2
Liverpool England 2 Pavesia 1

WC7 finals Group A:
Kingsford 1 Liverpool England 1
Audioslavia 3 Liverpool England 1
Malundar 3 Liverpool England 2

Final Tally, WC7
P W D L F A GD Pts
13 7 2 4 28 17 +11 23

Tally, WC6-7
P W D L F A GD Pts
27 12 6 9 50 38 +12 42

'slaves slip up in six-goal thriller
Auto-qualification all but slips awayAudioslavia - 5-4-1
----------------------------------------------
| 23 |
| Mancini |
| 4 15 20 |
| 6 Romanov Maier Johnstone 21 |
| O`Brien McKenna |
| 16 |
| 7 Kennedy |
| Johansen 11 |
| 18 Jaynes |
| Tessem |
| |
| 10 |
| Laver |
----------------------------------------------
| |
| 10 11 |
| Pepper Valentine |
| |
| 8 |
| 7 Poivron 9 |
| Selecao Sukohara |
| |
| 2 3 4 5 6 |
| Rachunek Phillips Kallio Sharapov Lewis |
| |
| 1 |
| Madhavapeddi |
----------------------------------------------
Big Pimento - 5-3-2

The warnings were ignored. Simple as that. Audioslavia went into this game the same as they went into their last three games; with an understrengthed side to save their better players. The warnings were 'this wont pay off all the time' and 'Big Pimento arent any ordinary newbie team dude'. Although manager Paul Ward will heed them now, it is by far too late.

On paper this should have been a doddle for Audioslavia, sixth in the world and playing a new team on home turf, Rejistania had done that only the day before and hit a record ten goals past Ravea.

The problem is, of course, that Big Pimento are no Ravea, they are a side with as much passion for the game as Rejistanias and the Vilitas of the world, and they proved that to the slaves early on in the game.

Big Pimento started the game full of energy, challenging for every ball and bringing the game to Audioslavia from the off. The 'slaves defence seemed cumbersome (even more than usual) and languid, and ultimately without an answer to Pepper and Valentine's exciting play up front.

The first goal came after just four minutes as Valentine burst through a gap in Audioslavia's defence and finished with a raking shot before Mancini knew what was coming. Audioslavia barely had time to realise what was going on before Valentine flicked a beautiful ball over to Sukohara who rifled a fierce shot past the goalkeeper on the volley.

2-0 up and flying, Big Pimento sought to get a third as the wing-backs pushed up. Rachunek ran rings round O`Brien on the left whilst Lewis repeatedly skinned McKenna. Valentine hit the bar with a long range effort and Pepper had a close-range header cleared off the line by an increasingly desperate and frustrated Lars Maier.

As the 'slaves were forced further back into their own half Big Pimento looked brilliant, but their attacking mentality would soon be their undoing.

Johnstone - Audioslavia's only solid defender at that time - disposessed Pepper with a good challenge and punted the ball up the wing to Aidey Jaynes. Jaynes, showing pace and power and finesse, sprinted towards goal, cut inside Sharapov and layed the ball off to Laver to squeeze the ball home under pressure from Kallio. Audioslavia had pulled a goal back where really they should have been three or four down.

As half-time approached Audioslavia sought to get themselves back into the game, but their passing was hurried and the team tense, leading to yellow cards for Kennedy and Jaynes and ultimately, as Big Pimento again found their way into Audioslavia's area, a penalty for Big Pimento. Rachunek's pace and skill was obviously exhasperating Cole O`Brien, and this frustration came to a head on forty minutes when the wing back clattered the Pimentan down on the edge of the area. O`Brien was booked, and Valentine stepped up to take the penalty. Mancini went right, Valentine struck the ball down the middle and Big Pimento were 3-1 up.

With Cockbill Street making light work of Ebon Hawk and Squornshelous leading Magnus Valerius, it appeared the 'slaves would drop five points behind the automatic qualifier spots unless they could somehow get three goals in the second half.

Paul Ward played his hand at half time, bringing on star players Alexander Marriot, Danny Bracken and captain Jens Rep for Johansen, O`Brien and Maier. Audioslavia went into a 4-4-2 system and went for Big Pimento in the second half.

It would take just forty seconds for Audioslavia to half Pimento's lead as Danny Bracken showed why he should never be dropped from an Audioslavia side again. Marriot played him through just in front of the defence, Bracken turned to his left and, in a moment of genius, dragged the ball back and flicked the ball through the legs of Kallio. Sprinting onto the ball leaving Kallio for dead, the striker cut back inside of Phillips onto his favorite right foot, and finished the ball just underneath a diving Madhavapeddi for 2-3.

The Pimentans started bringing players back, desperately trying to hang on for their second away scalp of the season. Kallio, Phillips and Sharapov held firm in defence whilst Rachunek and Lewis always threatened on the counter-attack.

Big Pimento would have their best counter on the eightieth minute as Rachunek stole the ball off of Jaynes and played a long, cross-field ball to Selecao. Selecao turned Romanov, played a one-two with Pepper to put Rep out of position and just sixteen yards out went to pick his spot, before Rail McKenna dived in to tackle, missed the ball, and clattered into Selecao.

The Big Pimento players and fans screamed towards the referee Peter Collins, but Collins seemed to see nothing wrong, awarding a goal kick to Audioslavia as the ball rolled out of play untouched by McKenna. Selecao was in disbelief, sitting on the floor and refusing to budge for thirty seconds as Toto Mancini tried to take the goal kick. Collins yellow carded him, and the midfielder got up, dusted himself down and reluctantly carried on with the game.

With Big Pimento preoccupied with the decision, Audioslavia went to attack. Bracken hit a fierce shot from twenty yards which rebounded off the post to the right. Marriot followed up and hit a low ball accross the box. Laver and Tessem both flailed but missed it, Lewis only succeeded in helping the ball on its way, before the ball fell to Rail McKenna who smashed the ball into the roof of the goal when he really should have been choosing bath-salts.

The goal stood, Audioslavia were level, and Big Pimento were visibly outraged as McKenna wheeled away to celebrate in front of the home fans.

FINAL SCORE

AUDIOSLAVIA 3-3 BIG PIMENTO
Laver 36 Valentine 4, 41
Bracken 45 Sukohara 10
McKenna 83

Referee: Peter Collins (2/10)

---Group 4----
[1] Squornshelous 11 9 1 1 29-9 28
[2] Cockbill Street 11 9 0 2 26-12 27
<3> Audioslavia 11 7 2 2 24-13 23
<4> The Weegies 11 4 2 5 16-12 14
5- Ebon Hawk 11 3 2 6 10-24 11
6- Isles Of Wohlstand 11 2 2 7 13-21 8
7- Big Pimento 11 1 4 6 10-21 7
8- Magnus Valerius 11 2 1 8 7-23 7

Squornshelous and Cockbill Street both continued their winning run and pull away at the top. Squornshelous now need only five points to be absoloutely sure of qualification (although for would probably do it thanks to their vastly superior goal difference), with Cockbill Street needing six, although they have now over-taken Audioslavia in the GD rankings as well)

Audioslavia have to play the top two in their next two games and really, have to win both to stand a chance of qualifying automatically, as well as getting a win away to The Weegies.

The Weegies however, also have a bit of a mountain to climb in order to stay in contention having been defeated by then-bottom side Isles Of Wohlstand. They need to win at least two games against Squornshelous, Cockbill Street and/or Audioslavia to be sure of going through. Ebon Hawk's chances of making up that three goal deficit are high thanks to their easier run-in for the final three games.

Wohlstand, Big Pimento and Magnus Valerius are fighting it out for the honour of not finishing in last place. Pimento have taken three points from their last four games which has helped, wheras Magnus Valerius havent scored themselves any points at all since their one-nil win over Big Pimento on matchday 7. Wohlstand have lifted themselves off the bottom spot thanks to a good a win over The Weegies.

Audioslavia now have to travel to Squornshelous and wrestle three points off the side that have never failed score four goals past them in fifty years of proffessional football.

Bugger.

I've been Jeremy Jaffacake, g'nite bitches.

Jeruselem Government News

Group 8 Top 4 march on!

In World Cup XVII games, the top 4 in Group 8 won their games and top 4 positions were unchanged.

Vorpal Bunnies got eaten by the Lions agains, losing 7-0 to continue their miserable run. D2R pushed Lovisa to the limit but Lovisa managed a 3-2 win to hold second position. Krytenia continued it's good run with a 6-2 thrashing of Spurland. The Trojans troubled Jeruselem but the Crusaders won 2-1 in a tight game to keep 4th position.

With Jeruselem 7 points ahead of Dance 2 Revolution and 11 points ahead of Spurland, you can say Spurland and D2R needs to win all it's game and hope Jeruselem lose the rest of theirs. D2R also really need to win it's last three games but it's 6 losses from 11 games points to Jeruselem keeping 4th spot.


Group 8:
Bedistan [7] Vorpal Bunnies [0]
Lovisa [3] Dance 2 Revolution [2]
Krytenia [6] Spurland [2]
Jeruselem [2] Carthage and Troy [1]

---Group 8----
[1] Bedistan 11 10 0 1 36-8 30
[2] Lovisa 11 8 2 1 31-13 26
<3> Krytenia 11 7 2 2 30-11 23
<4> Jeruselem 11 6 2 3 21-19 20
5- Dance 2 Revolution 11 4 1 6 18-22 13
6- Spurland 11 2 3 6 11-20 9
7- Carthage and Troy 11 2 0 9 14-28 6
8- Vorpal Bunnies 11 0 0 11 9-49 0

Eliminated
Possible play-off spot (remote)
Possible play-off spot (at best)

TEN Takes Group 2 Lead

1-0 Win Over Wapahkoneta; Svecia Ties ECTH

The Strike Birds had a miricle shot by Horace in the last minute of injury time to steal three points in a home match. Horace, just beyond the midline, tried one of his patented Reverse Blast shots, but Wapahkoneta had a player with no nose, so he was unaffected and tried to make a play on the ball getting a knee on it, but the spin caused by the ball corrected the angle of the shot back towards the goal, and it crossed the line with barely a ball's length in the roll. Not 15 seconds later, the final whistle sounded and the game was done.

The referee for the game, Tigar Oaker of Oaker, didn't really do too many calls letting both teams play unless their was an agrevious foul, like the yellow card charged to Secour on the tackle that was well, pretty gruesome. Defender Sakoka Tekhaaka (Flint Tomahawk) was injured in the tackle, and the report is that he will be day to day for the next couple of matches. The tackle itself wan't that bad, but that Tomahawk then fell into a small hole in the field, twisting his ankle quite badly as Secour tackled him.

Both teams showed great defense as there was only 9 shots on goal total for the entire game, and really only 2-3 scoring chances the entire time. Coach Adams was glad with his defense, no so happy with his offense. "We need goals. We have team scoring 7,9,10 goals and we can't score more than 4 in any game. We have to pick up our offense or otherwise we are in trouble."

In Svecia, EL CID THE HERO managed a tie from Svecia to keep them 3 points out of qualification. With the 5th place ECTH now 9 points behind The Eagle's Nest, a single point will guarantee the Nest at least a playoff berth, and a combination of 4 points gained in the gap between the Nest and both Halfassedstates and Snub Nose 38 will secure them an outright berth. Northbank did it's part to try to stay alive, beating Snub Nose 38 today, but the gap was too far, and they are eliminated, a full 11 points out of 4th place with three to play.

Tomorrow's game against Svecia now becomes much more necesary for Svecia than the Nest. If either team can get a win here, then that team will almost secure themselves a guaranteed spot in the Group Play for the World Cup.



MD 11 Recap - Group 2

The Eagles Nest [1] Wapahkoneta [0]
Svecia [1] El Cid the Hero [1]
Snub Nose 38 [2] Northbank [3]
Halfassedstates [3] Esth [2]




---Group 2----
GP W D L GF GA GD P PP
1* The Eagles Nest 11 8 2 1 22 9 13 26 35
2+ Svecia 11 7 3 1 24 9 15 24 33
3= Halfassedstates 11 6 2 3 17 10 7 20 29
4= Snub Nose 38 11 6 2 3 23 17 6 20 29
5# El Cid the Hero 11 5 2 4 17 12 5 17 26
E Northbank 11 2 3 6 13 23 -10 9 18
E Esth 11 1 1 9 10 27 -17 4 13
E Wapahkoneta 11 1 1 9 10 29 -19 4 13

*Needs 1 point to secure a playoff spot, 4 to secure an Automatic spot.
+Needs 3 points to secure a playoff spot, 6 to secure an Automatic spot.
=Needs 7 points to secure a playoff spot.
#Needs help to secure a playoff spot or an Automatic spot.






*Shadowry Figure*: We only scored 1.

*Lackey 1* the Rp machine apparently malfunctioned. I think the RP for Vorpal Bunnies got put in.

SF: Vorpal Bunnies has done no RP.

L1: Yes, we found blank pages next to the machine.

SF: *slams fist on desk* If we lost or tied that game, that would have been very bad. Make sure it does not happen again.

L1: Yes sir. But sir, we are close to making the cup.

SF: I know. Soon we will be able to implement Phase 2 of our plan.

L1: Is this the point we start making money?

SF: .......... don't you have an RP machine to install in Svecia?

L1: Yes sir. Guido is already there deailing with the custom officials.

SF: Good. Now get us this win for this game. We can start phase 2 early if we qualify early.

L1: *nods and walks out*

SF: Ten goals......sheesh. seems a bit fishy....wonder if they have a new model of an RP machine or if there is......*gets on the phone and starts making phone calls.*

Halfassed hang on for vital win as Bell sees red!

It was a must win game, by far the easiest of the teams remaining four matches, and all seemed to be going to plan with just 20 minutes to go! A first ever strike from Normandy coupled with a blistering 25 yard volley from Ya and David's close range tap-in had given the home side a commanding 3-0 lead.
Then as the home side pressed for another, Esth countered quickly Castello latching onto the through ball. As the striker bore down on goal, Bell crudely tripped him up from behind. Ref McKellan got it spot on as he sent the Halfassed captain off for an early bath. Castello got up and dispatched the resultant penalty beyond Fleetfoot.
Things got even worse for the home side. With just over ten minutes to go, Castello put the game back in the balance with a stunning strike on the turn.
The last few minutes saw Esth throw everything forward to try and get an unlikly equiliser, and it took a full length dive from Fleetfoot to stop Castello grabbing the hat-trick.
Thankfully, Halfassed held on for the win.

MD 11:
Halfassed 3 (Normandy 11; Ya 34; David 67) {Bowman and Porter booked; Bell sent-off - Professional foul}
Esth 2 (Castello 71pen, 79)
Fleetfoot 6; Sleet 7, Peters 8, Bowman 7; Bell 5, Porter 7, Gunnett 8, Normandy 9; Ya 8*, Ze Bulliao 7, David 7
Sub. White (72mins) 5*
Ref: Ben McKellan {SGA} 8

With SN38 suffering a surprise defeat by Northbank, Halfassed have moved into third in the group on GD, just 3 points ahead of El Cid in the dreaded 5th place. With Halfassed finishing with games against the top three ranked sides in the group, things are far from certain, but a win against SN38 in the next match would really boost the chances of making the play-offs at least.


---Group 2----
[1] The Eagles Nest 11 8 2 1 22-9 26
[2] Svecia 11 7 3 1 24-9 24
<3> Halfassedstates 11 6 2 3 17-10 20
<4> Snub Nose 38 11 6 2 3 23-17 20
5- El Cid the Hero 11 5 2 4 17-12 17
6- Northbank 11 2 3 6 13-23 9
7- Esth 11 1 1 9 10-27 4
8- Wapahkoneta 11 1 1 9 10-29 4

Goals:
Ya & Ze Bulliao 6; Bell 2; Woods, Normandy & David 1

Cards:
White 6y 2r*; Bell 3y 1r; Porter 4y; Sleet 3y; Peters, Woods, Normandy & Gunnett 2y; Smithers, Ze Bulliao, Ya & Bowman 1y

*includes two times when sent-off for 2nd yellow card

D2R ELIMINATED!!!

Not quite yet in math, but in practice??? Well we'll see

Dance 2 Revolution travelled to Lovisa, and sort of result here would be beneficial to the cause of a D2R playoff place, their first ever in NSWC history, with both previous qualifications being gained automatically.

It was D2R to hit first...Hentea with vicious accuracy to hit the back of the net after only 17 seconds. 1-0 to the away side and how they were laughing.

Lovisa struck back in the 31st minute with Henrik Baeker(remember him?) placing it superbly past Dive, filling in for Handplant out with a bad wrist.

For the rest of the 1st half it was all Lovisa, seemingly content with just keeping the ball in Midfield.

In the 2nd half though Lovisa started to attack, and 9 minutes in Derinda slid on Baeker and got the ball...but it managed to go under Dive and into the net...it was now 2-1

Derinda was now looking for a way to make amends for his terrible mistake, and did 7 minutes later with an expert-like header to make it 2-2

From then it was all D2R...ramming the goal with shots from all angles...that is until the last minute. Lunz managed to get the ball from a clearance from the Lovisan defender Solem, flicked it over Banvstrecko and thumped the volley into the top corner.

Final Score
Lovisa 3(Baeker 31' Derinda(og) 54', Lunz 90')
Dance 2 Revolution 2(Hentea 1', Derinda 61')

Dance 2 Revolution now have the tough test of Spurland in a battle for the First 3 of a crucial 9 points for the Revolutionaries, whilst Jeruselem take on Krytenia, Lovisa and Bedistan...Big Boys...we're counting on you to rip Jeruselem apart. D2R however after Spurland take on the bottom two teams in Carthage and Troy then Vorpal Bunnies. Let the battle commence!

Tigers get stuck

A home match that should have been won turns out into a draw

Dushanbe - The first of three matches at home today was played against Dennisov, Nr four in the group, two points behinf Tadjikistan. Dennisov is currently doing better than NASTIC 2, Tadjikistans opponent on MD13, and might even get to the playoffs if they continue their campaign. Tadjikistan had to win to get higher in the group or draw to stay 3rd. The Tigers had some bad luck and ended in a draw.

The game was not very sensational and there were few good combinations. The Tadjiks scored in 40th minute through a good move by Chuikov. Zhukov was happy to see his team take the lead and hoped they could keep it. He gave his men some advise during the pause and a more offensive Tadjikistan appearred in the second half. A couple minutes in the second half, Zhukovs hopes got torpedoed when Krytenian referee Glenn Frisk gave a red card to Suvorov. The ref saw him tackle Gilberto Lanes while actually, he went for the ball. Zhukov disagreed and yelled at the referee, the only result was his removal for the bench.

With Zhukov gone and Suvorov gone the Tigers had to abandon their offensive style and take a more defensive character. The one man disadvantage gave Dennisov the extra space to breath, they attacked through the Tadjik center and used their extra man at the Tadjik goal. Their first assault was stopped by Gromov, always stronger when in a difficult position or game. Dennisov came back to try again and finished their job this time, a goal from Mclennon. Dennisov pulled a draw out of this game, they are safe in fourth position now.

The Tigers have 20 points, 3rd in the group. Tadjikistans next game will be played against Total n Utter insanity, the Tigers have their homeadvantage but face a strong opponent. they took 1 point in TnUI and should try to do the same in Dushanbe. At the same time we must hope to see NASTIC 2 beat Lemmitania at home and expect to see Dennisov take the full 3 points in Kylaai.


Tadjikistan 1 - 1 Dennisov
(referee: Glenn Frisk[KRY])
Goals: Pliiev 40'(1-0), Mclennon 78'(1-1)

Dennisov:
Zubke, Goranson, Zeiss, Fudala, Lanes, Buffy, Vallez, Finister, Spraglin, Mclennon, Xang

Tadjikistan:
Yashin, Zhilenkov, Managarov, Gromov, Pliiev, Bagramian, Pavlov, Chuikov, Timoshenko, Suvorov(R 48', Cherniakhovskij



---Group 1----
[1] Total n Utter Insanity 11 8 2 1 25-10 26
[2] Lemmitania 11 7 1 3 28-11 22
<3> Tadjikistan 11 6 2 3 26-12 20
<4> Dennisov 11 5 3 3 14-12 18
5- NASTIC 2 11 4 2 5 16-14 14
6- Kylaai 11 4 2 5 14-17 14
7- Artoonia 11 3 2 6 10-24 11
8- Pterodactyl 11 0 0 11 4-37 0 E


MD1: Tadjikistan - Kylaai L 1-2
MD2: Artoonia - Tadjikistan W 0-3
MD3: Tadjikistan - Pterodactyl W 4-0
MD4: Dennisov - Tadjikistan L 1-0
MD5: Total n Utter Insanity - Tadjikistan D 2-2
MD6: NASTIC 2 - Tadjikistan W 1-2
MD7: Tadjikistan - Lemmitania L 2-3
MD8: Kylaai - Tadjikistan W 1-3
MD9: Tadjikistan - Artoonia W 6-1
MD10:Pterodactyl - Tadjikistan W 0-2
MD11:Tadjikistan - Dennisov D 1-1
MD12:Tadjikistan - Total n Utter Insanity
MD13:Tadjikistan - NASTIC 2
MD14:Lemmitania - Tadjikistan

Stars look to 'buck' Pirates

The Sarzonian national team began preparations for the final three matches of World Cup qualifying against teams ranked lower than it in a position it hoped to be in. The team is currently tied with Starblaydia for fourth place and one of the two play-in match berths for the right to advance to the World Cup.

The Stars will begin the first of those three matches away to sixth place and 64th ranked Oceaice. The sixth seeded Pirates earned their second victory of this World Cup by stunning third seeded and 32nd ranked Giant Zucchini away, 2-1.

"That match should prove to us that we can't take them lightly," Coach Bryan Marshall said. "They've been playing well this tournament and it's partly bad luck that has kept them from some wins."

The Stars are trying to rebound from an away loss to second place Iansisle and hope to keep pace for one of the two automatic bids to the World Cup. They also are four points clear of fifth place Giant Zucchini, whom the Stars beat 5-0 before Giant Zucchini's match against Oceaice.

"The last [World Cup] is proof of the old saying that the opera isn't over until the fat lady sings," midfielder John Benmont said. "All we had to do was earn two draws or one win to clinch a berth and we lost both matches. Even though they were tough matches to win, we still didn't get the job done. We're going to have to do a lot better this time."

The Stars defeated Oceaice 2-1 in the first meeting on Matchday Five in the Snake Pit in Saugerties. They figure to have a tougher time against a team riding high on their victory, a 2-2 draw against group co-leaders Iansisle and on competitive losses to Starblaydia and group co-leaders Iansisle (both by 2-1).

"They've played tough against Starblaydia and drew Commerce Heights 2-2, so they're playing better football," midfielder and team captain Bobby Convey said. "We can't afford a letdown or we might be on the outside looking in again."

Playoffs Within Reach for Starblaydia?
Liechtenistan Sunk as Qualification Beckons

Starblaydia had wrapped up all three point in their second match with Liechtenistan by half time. With a stunning trademark free-kick from Stefan Haldorsson, followed by a Mikael Tissot tap-in just before the break.

This completed a second win over Liechtenistan in the Qualification stage with Starblaydia having done a double, of sorts, over Liechtenistan, Oceaice and Pure Evil, with Sarzonia having done a double of Starblaydia. Starblaydia will certainly be hoping have a brace of victories over Giant Zucchini. If Starblaydia can achieve a victory over Giant Zucchini tomorrow, then a Play-off place will be guaranteed, at the very least.

Final Score:
Starblayda 2 - 0 Liechtenistan
(Haldorsson 21, Tissot 43) - (None)

Group 9 Results and Table, Matchday 11:
Commerce Heights [6] Pure Evil [1]
Iansisle [2] Sarzonia [1]
Giant Zucchini [0] Oceaice [1]
Starblaydia [2] Liechtenistan [0]

[1] Commerce Heights 11 8 3 0 35-11 27
[2] Iansisle 11 9 0 2 34-10 27
<3> Starblaydia 11 7 1 3 28-14 22
<4> Sarzonia 11 7 1 3 21-11 22
5- Giant Zucchini 11 6 0 5 21-21 18
6- Oceaice 11 2 1 8 12-20 7
7- Liechtenistan 11 1 1 9 10-31 4
8- Pure Evil 11 0 1 10 8-51 1

MD00: .::WC17 Qualifying Schedule :: Starblaydi Stadia::.
MD01: Starblaydia 6-0 Pure Evil
MD02: Sarzonia 2-1 Starblaydia
MD03: Starblaydia 3-0 Oceaice
MD04: Liechtenistan 0-1 Starblaydia
MD05: Giant Zucchini 1-3 Starblaydia
MD06: Starblaydia 2-3 Iansisle
MD07: Commerce Heights 3-3 Starblaydia
MD08: Pure Evil 1-4 Starblaydia
MD09: Starblaydia 1-2 Sarzonia
MD10: Oceaice 1-2 Starblaydia
MD11: Starblaydia 2-1 Liechtenistan
NEXT: Starblaydia Vs Giant Zucchini @ Foundation Road, Jhanna (75,000 Capacity, Iskara Daii)
MD13: Iansisle Vs Starblaydia @ TBA
MD14: Starblaydia Vs Commerce Heights @ Jader Barbahlo Stadium, Jhanna (94,000 Capacity, Jhanna City)

Starblaydia Goal Tally:
Player Goals Total Goals
-------------------------------------
S. Di Bradini 7 20
E. Hall 6 15
A. Ol-wairain 4 9
J.J. Stark 3 5
R. Di Bradini 2 4
S. Haldorsson 1 8
K. Robertson 1 3
C. Salisbury 1 3
M. Tissot 2 4
S. Hill 1 2
V. Tsarev 1 2

THE HERALD SPORTS DIGEST

NOBODY said moving was easy....here's the latest on the Celestials.

Carthage And Try

Matchday Eight saw Krytenia scrape by a resilient Trojan side in a tricky away game. Harry Van Vossen's strike, from a corner six minutes from time, was enough to see three points for the Celestials. CET 0-1 KRY

Rabbit's Feet, Four-Leaf Clovers, And Lucky Seven

A record for the Celestials in Matchday Nine thanks to some inspired groundsmanship at Fugeela Field. The pitch was allowed to grow, and while the Vorpal Bunnies (Look ma, giant rabbits!) were having a graze, Krytenia were having a goalfest. Three for Ari Smith, and two each for Xousa and Ulvæus secured a highest-ever victory. KRY 7-0 VPB

Getting 'Djiki With It

The only thing boogying in Dance 2 Revolution on Matchday Ten was Tadjiki national and Celestials manager Karim Isserson. A second successive Smith treble, plus a fourth from Colin Ulvæus, really got the feet shuffling. D2R 1-4 KRY

And so, to the latest game.

Aci Deucey In Rampant Six Show

ACIENKO Rimmer went crazy in his big chance to show his credentials. He came into the side after Ari Smith pulled a hamstring in the warm-up, and showed the world his magic.

Rimmer scored a double hat-trick, the first ever Celestials cap ever to score five or more in a game, with trebles in each half. Goals in each half for Spurland from Jon Lewis were a mere consolation.

Krytenia are now assured a play-off spot, and are only three points behind second-placed Lovisa. Third plays fourth in MD12, the Celestials taking on a Jeruselem side just three points behind.

KRYTENIA - 6
Rimmer 3, 18, 31, 52, 55, 71

SPURLAND - 2
Lewis 41, 87

Referee: U. Eckstream (MEL) - Little to do, cards gathered dust. RATING: 8


SCORERS:
Ari SMITH - 9 (including 2 hat-trick)
Colin ULVÆUS - 7
Acienko RIMMER - 7 (including 1 double hat-trick)
Stephen XOUSA - 4
Ryan CAREW - 1
Trent DUBILASCO Jr - 1
Harry VAN VOSSEN - 1

H v Carthage & Troy W 3-0 (Ulvaeus, Carew, Rimmer)
A v Vorpal Bunnies W 4-1 (Ulvaeus 2, Xousa, Smith)
H v Dance 2 Revolution L 1-3 (Smith)
A v Spurland D 0-0
H v Jeruselem L 1-2 (Smith)
H v Bedistan W 1-0 (Ulvæus)
A v Lovisa D 2-2 (Xousa, Dubilasco Jr)
A v Carthage & Troy W 1-0 (Van Vossen)
H v Vorpal Bunnies W 7-0 (Smith 3, Xousa 2, Ulvæus 2)
A v Dance 2 Revolution W 4-1 (Smith 3, Ulvæus)
H v Spurland W 6-2 (Rimmer 6)
A v Jeruselem
A v Bedistan
H v Lovisa

EL CID NEWS.
NEWS YOU CAN USE.

sports news

maintaining the balance

Svecia 1 (Hanan Belagt 45)
El Cid The Hero 1 (Homer Dent 76)

The Cids Lions are still in 5th place with 3 games to go. With halfassedstates now in 3rd place can ECTH get into 4th?

With all to play for the Cids Lions managed to get a draw againts Svecia. This will keep them in 5th place but will still keep them in contention for 4th place.

A late goal at the end of the first half left the lions needing some insproation to maintain good form. They found it in Homer Dent. who was not only a force to be reconed with in midfiled, He also succeeded in geting a brake in the Svecias defence. the result made the team look at lot different after that and nealy got another goal in the 87 min with a strike by Terry Nevile. But it was not to be as a defection by the keeper just missed the goal.

"it was a hard match" said Dent after the game "and a draw was a good result"

with ECTH needing to show the nation they can still win matches. the result against Northbank will be eagerly awated. so keep reading to get the facts

Matchday 1:The Eagles Nest v El Cid the Hero W 0-1
Matchday 2:El Cid the Hero v HalfassedstatesW 2-0
Matchday 3:Snub Nose 38 v El Cid the Hero L 3-1
Matchday 4:El Cid the Hero v Svecia L 1-2
Matchday 5:El Cid the Hero v Northbank W 2-1
Matchday 6:Esth v El Cid the Hero W 0-2
Matchday 7:El Cid the Hero v WapahkonetaW 5-1
Matchday 8:El Cid the Hero v The Eagles Nest L 1-2
Matchday 9:Halfassedstates v El Cid the Hero D 0-0
Matchday 10:El Cid the Hero v Snub Nose 38 L 1-2
Matchday 11:Svecia v El Cid the Hero D 1-1
Matchday 12:Northbank v El Cid the Hero
Matchday 13:El Cid the Hero v Esth
Matchday 14:Wapahkoneta v El Cid the Hero

---Group 2----
[1] The Eagles Nest 11 8 2 1 22-9 26
[2] Svecia 11 7 3 1 24-9 24
<3> Halfassedstates 11 6 2 3 17-10 20
<4> Snub Nose 38 11 6 2 3 23-17 20
5- El Cid the Hero 11 5 2 4 17-12 17
6- Northbank 11 2 3 6 13-23 9
7- Esth 11 1 1 9 10-27 4
8- Wapahkoneta 11 1 1 9 10-29 4

Record win against Ravea!
The Lekeja Lines Stadium was sold out completely for the match against Ravea. The windy weather, for which this part of Rejistania is infamous did not lower enthusiasm. Most of the fans were rejistanians, however there was a ravean minority of half a dozen fans. The Orange-Blue stars sat on the bench and the 'second team' (the substitutes) played. The Ravean Ravens fielded their top-players.

The match started with a shock: In the 3rd minute, a back pass from Miku Rodni to goalie Taserikijilti Vavenetexy was seized by a strong gust of wind from the side. Before the Sijitalatirikimidatemean could react, the ball went past him and into the goal. The Orange-Blues were traling 0:1 and no one was to blame. That spooky scoreline lasted until the 10th minute. Ravea had an insane amount of sheer luck in certain situations. Especially in the 7th minute, the equalizer could not be prevented by the Ravean players, but the wind helped the ravean goalkeeper and blew the ball off. In the tenth minute, Kvansa Laijiyiaya equalized the score after outsmarting three Ravean defenders. The score was 1:1 and the ravean fans, who chanted "Rodni" as if he was one of their players fell silent. Only 4 minutes later, Miki I Jil took the lead for the Orange-Blues. Again the Ravean defense was nearly nonexistant and every karelan youth team would show more strategic discipline and maybe as much skill as they. After I Jil'he increased the lead to 3:1 in the 19th minute, the Orange-Blues concentrated on keeping the lead. Another reason for thie rather defensive play of the Orange-Blues was the wind, which became more unpredictable than before. The score at half time was 3:1, despite some chances of the Orange-Blues.

One of the stories, which will never be confirmed, was that the favorite pub of Dikelesinivetisaru's clan offered a 5% discount on beer and lychee juice for every goal scored by the Orange-Blues. The rumour exists that this was the reason why the Orange-Blues played far more offensive in the second half. Miku Rodni was replaced by striker SyMji (the ravean fans cheered for him ironically), that made the System Imdila (4-4-2) a 3-4-3 System Hangila. SyMji and Lyku Ju started an attack as soon as the second half started and SyMji increased the score to 4:1. In the 52nd minute, the Ravens tried an attack, only to concede one goal in the following counter. Miki I Jil scored his first hat trick after international standards. Like in Cockbill Street, a 'hetrika' means scoring three goals in one half without anyone else scoring in the time between. Leading 5:1, the Orange-Blues fell back into their defensive habbit. That did not change until the 69th minute, when Y Syku was substituted by Jenji Y. The joker showed his class by scoring a 'hetrika' within ten minutes. The first goal was scored when he was into the game for only half a minute. Ravea's attampts to defend were fiercely but not really sucessfull. 'Fiercely' in the sense of: 'Kvansa Laijiyiaya has to be substituted after a rude foul, several Ravens saw yellow'. Nxeni Venu shot the following free kick and a header of Kansu Xana caused the 9:1. The Orange-Blue fans were cheering and wanted double digits. "ke'han'iln!" meaning "to ten!" was chanted at deafening volume. But until the first minute of injury time, the score did not increase, then Jenji Y's long distance shot wouldormally have been a miss, but this time, the wind cooperated. The Ravean goalie held his back in an ironical gestuire, as if he wanted to say: 'My back hurts from getting the ball out of the net'. The whistle of the referee could was barely heard because the fans cheered really loud. The final score was 10:1.

This score is a record, not just for the Orange-Blues, but in the history of the NationStates World Cup: No international match before (excluding U21) saw a double-digit result. The record for the most goals for one team were 8:0 after Iansisle entered the zone against Pure Evil and the rejistanian record was 6:1 against... have one guess... right: Ravea. Within the next few days, celebrations are expected to stop to an amount which allows the Ravean players to leave the country.


The record result:
Rejistania 10 (Laijiyiaya 10th, I Jil 14th 19th 53rd, Lyku 46th, Y 69th 76th 78th 90+1th, Xana 83rd)
Ravea 1 (Rodni (og) 3rd)

Referee: Faré Garaliga (Tingitana). KaMaRi Update rating: 9

Le LIBRE

Les Bleus continue win streak

Match Day 11 was the final day before reality hits for Les Bleus. Up against Insane Inflation, in Le Stade d’Eauz, fans were ready to encourage their team to another victory, and hoping it would give them motivation before Les Bleus meet up again with the toughest part of their schedule.

The match started with II taking control of the ball, bringing it into the Eauz zone. Passing it around, kind of confused Les Bleus a bit, but then an attack occurred, but Guillaume Ulfston took on the attacker, causing him to knock it out of play. II was awarded a corner, which went wide of the group, going into the possession of an Eauz defender. Once the defender gained control of the ball, an II player tried to attack, and missed, knocking over the Eauz player. Referee Siki Rej saw the attack, and blew the whistle on the II player, holding up a yellow card. Les Bleus regained possession of the ball, bringing up field. Many attacks were taken, but finally the ball went out of play, as the keeper tipped it over the bar. Henry took the corner, sending it towards the pack of players. Alia headed the ball into the corner of the net giving Les Bleus a 1 – 0 lead at the 15th minute of play. Fast-forward to the 30th minute of play, as Les Bleus once again were attacking, putting pressure on the II defense. The Eauz manager decided to change the formation for a few minutes to 6 attackers up front. It promised to be worth something, as a few passes were taken, to get inside the II defense and finally the ball was tapped in by Rousseau who took the ball and signed it, kicking it into the stands. Oddly enough, a Vilitan citizen was visiting watching the match, caught the ball. Assuming it was worth nothing, he threw it in the garbage later in the match. Les Bleus added a final one in the dying minutes of the first half, off of a long kick, which was deflected by an Eauz player from his head, giving Les Bleus a strong 3 – 0 lead going into the second half.

Que the dramatic music though, as II coming out in the second half scored their first goal during the 47th minute of play, as Rousoi was just locked up and confused as to where the ball was. Unfortunately the person playing the dramatic music decides to stop, as II’s attacks ended there. Les Bleus would finish the match by the final score of 3 – 1. The victory also puts them in the lead of Group 3, 2 points ahead of Melmond. A victory in MD12 could seal a World Cup position for Les Bleus.


---Group 3----
[1] Eauz 11 8 1 2 30-13 25
[2] Melmond 11 7 2 2 27-9 23
<3> Spaam 11 6 2 3 30-20 20
<4> Oaker 11 6 2 3 21-13 20
5- The Evil Umpire 11 4 1 6 17-25 13
6- Slaikau 11 4 1 6 14-23 13
7- Insane Inflation 11 2 1 8 13-27 7
8- Qia 11 1 2 8 13-35 5


Schedule

Match Day 1: The Evil Umpire @ Eauz W 0 – 3
Match Day 2: Eauz @ Slaikau W 2 – 0
Match Day 3: Qia @ Eauz W 1 – 4
Match Day 4: Eauz @ Insane Inflation W 4 – 2
Match Day 5: Spaam @ Eauz L 2 – 1
Match Day 6: Eauz @ Oaker T 2 – 2
Match Day 7: Melmond @ Eauz L 3 – 0
Match Day 8: Eauz @ The Evil Umpire W 5 – 0
Match Day 9: Slaikau @ Eauz W 1 – 2
Match Day 10: Eauz @ Qia W 4 – 1
Match Day 11: Insane Inflation @ Eauz W 1 – 3
Match Day 12: Eauz @ Spaam
Match Day 13: Oaker @ Eauz
Match Day 14: Eauz @ Melmond

Matchday 12 Scores Posted:

SCORES THREAD (http://forums2.jolt.co.uk/showthread.php?t=356281)

The Reichsmarkia Times
The best information, trillions of TIY can buy

Uh-Eauz

The Trillionaires lost another match, this time against Eauz. While during the last match, it looked as if the Trillionaires were on the rise, their current performance was rather indicating a downfall. Please note that there are experts, who say taht a downfall is no longer possible because the Trillionaires reached rock-bottom already (others expect them to start digging). The Insane defense was horrible during the first half. Later on, the traditional Insane 3-4-3 was replaced by a 5-4-1 and that proved the better tactics: No more goals were conceded and Kvanza Nouveau scored with much luck in a counter attack. Ludwig Erhardt refused to comment the match by other words than expletives.

The result:
Eauz 3 (Alia 15th 43rd, Rousseau 30th)
Insane Inflation 1 (Nouveau 47th)

It wasn't a loss
But it wasn't much better

With just 2 matches to go, the Falcons sit 4 points behind Turnia in the race for 4th place. Turnia's loss to Liverpool England, coupled with Aquiliana's draw with the Avenging Altos, means that the Falcons, playing the bottom 2 teams in the group, will probably need 2 wins to advance. With Turnia playing the top 2 teams, the hopes look a bit brighter. But if the team can't put away Regia Anglorum impressively enough, they may not be able to sneak through.

Everything hinges on the next matchday - the margin on Sunday (the last day of qualifying) could be anywhere from 1 to 7 points. For all intents and purposes, Aquiliana needs 2 wins, because Turnia looks to easily have the tiebreaker locked up.

Look for Jonus Belua Memorial Field to be full Saturday night as the home fans will come out in full force to support their young team against the unranked Regia Anglorum. Aquiliana is favored 8:5.

---Group 5----
[1] Kingsford 12 10 2 0 35-5 32
[2] Liverpool England 12 9 3 0 29-9 30
<3> Oglethorpia 12 5 4 3 28-18 19
<4> Turnia 12 6 0 6 19-19 18
5- Aquiliana 12 3 5 4 16-23 14
6- Avenging Altos 12 3 1 8 14-26 10
7- Regia Anglorum 12 2 1 9 13-32 7
8- Kipto-Mare 12 1 2 9 10-32 5

[OOC: I mistakenly posted this on the Scores thread. I just deleted it. Sorry about that. :(]

Draw angers Marshall, Stars

The Sarzonian national team must have been expecting Oceaice to lie down for them. With the team well out of contention for the World Cup Finals, the Pirates had nothing but pride and their supporters to play for. Meanwhile, the Stars were still fighting for playoff position and still harbored hopes of an automatic berth in the World Cup.

However, Oceaice played like they had everything at stake and the Stars came out flat en route to a 1-1 draw away that had Stars Coach Bryan Marshall fuming.

"We played like a bunch of rank amateurs," Marshall said, his voice raised to ear-splitting levels in the post game news conference. "You couldn't tell which was the better team out there tonight and that is just inexcusable."

The Stars (7-2-3, fourth place) scored their goal in the 27th minute when midfielder Darwin Russell pounced on a loose ball in the area and fired a shot that trickled between the legs of the Oceaice goalkeeper for a 1-0 lead. However, the Stars' usually stout defense couldn't make the lead hold up against at team that had only scored 12 goals in 11 matches coming in.

Midfielder Aurélien Chedjou made a deft run through the front line of the Sarzonian defense and served a pinpoint through ball into the 18 yard box that found Nicolas Lago. He skied for the ball and headed it past goalkeeper Troy Perkins, who was expecting an offsides call from Druida referee Tevor Munro. Unfortunately for the Stars, Munro fouled up that call as he did much of the night.

"He's supposed to be one of the best referees in the game," midfielder and team captain Bobby Convey asked incredulously. "He sure didn't show it there. I'd rather take my chances with an Oceaice referee for this match."

The goal drew the match level at 1-1 in the 42nd minute and neither team was able to generate much pressure after that as repeated foul and offisde calls by Munro prevented any chance of either team creating any momentum.

With two matches remaining, the Stars are eliminated from one of two automatic berths and only have an outside chance at the second berth with second place Commerce Heights four points clear of the Stars. However, the Stars have a five point lead on Commerce Heights and only need two draws or one victory to seal a berth in the one match playoff for a World Cup berth. However, the Stars are looking at the Oceaice match as a missed opportunity and two lost standings points that could have kept them in line for an automatic berth.

"We could have made things a whole hell of a lot easier for ourselves," defender Lance Alcina said. "This is a lot like the last Cup."

"We've just got to get the job done," Perkins said. "We've got two winnable matches coming up and we need to make sure we take care of business in both of them. The clock's running out."

((just a word of warning: the following may seem kind of discombobulates, 'specially the CH one. It's been a long day and I need sleepy :)))

Ians Revenge Selves Against the Stars
Big Weshieldian crowd turns out for 2-1 victory over Sarzonia

MANSMOUTH, Weshield -- At least 28,000 Weshieldian fans were on hand to watch the Ians beat the Sarzonia Stars in what seemed almost like an exhibition game.

Weshielders were less than thrilled to see star striker Brian Lyon boot a penalty kick for Iansisle’s first goal in the 28th minute.

“He’s been hogging the ball all of qualifying,” said Barry Caput, a fan who was at the game, “the least [coach John] Copplestone could do is try and play everyone else. Why, look at young [midfielder] Will Saunders! He’s not had a single goal yet, because Copplie won’t let him attack!”

Especially targeted for jeers from the crowd was ace midfielder and Shadoranite Geoffrey Fletcher, who left the financially impaired Mansmouth Town for greener pastures in Melmond.

“Turncoat,” was all Caput had to say when Fletcher scored to break a one-all tie on a free kick. “Damn stinkin’ traitor.”

Mansmouth Town finished at the bottom of the Iansislean Footballing League’s tables last season.

Caput was, on the other hand, very enthusiastic about goalkeeper David Nielsen’s performance.

“Sarzonia was really putting on the pressure early,” said Caput, “and he really rose to the challenge. He grew up just about a league away from this very stadium, you know. I used to see him play back when he was just a youngster. Knew he was something special, even back then! And look at him now!

Forward Barry Alphonso scored Sarzonia’s lone goal in the 71st minute.

-------

Capitalizts No Match for the Revolution!
Ians reveal new kits; beat top-seeded Commerce Heights 3-2 in a thriller at the Grounds

WESTERGATE, Iansisle -- The last time so many people in red, white, and green cockades were out on the streets, they were building barricades and raising the Gull Flag over Jameston Place. Yesterday, they turned out to cheer the valiant Ians on in a crucial match against the Commerce Heights Capitalizts.

The Department of Sports, Games, and Recreation took advantage to reveal the new kits for the Ians, who had been playing most of the 17th World Cup’s qualifiers with the old pre-revolution uniforms.

The old kits were a white base with red cross-stripes from shoulder to belt and the name and numbers done in red on the back. The new ones feature a scarlet background with the spread winged Shieldian gull from the new flag proudly emblazoned on the front. The numbers on the back are also white, although the player’s name is green.

“Done up like this,” said midfielder Geoffrey Fletcher, who scored his second goal in two games, “I can’t see how we would lose. Hell, I feel ready to go stick it to the man just looking at myself!”

By looking at the standings, one could tell that tenth ranked Commerce Heights versus fourteenth ranked Iansisle would be an epic battle between Titans. The players did not disappoint the statisticians.

The Capitalizts opened the scoring against Nielsen with a penalty kick in the 22nd minute, but - in what may be a first for teams in these qualifiers - the Ians actually agreed with the call.

Perhaps by blaming themselves rather than the referee, who actually officiated splendidly, the Ians found the gumption to pick up and answer right back. Will Saunders, that midfielder from Weshield, scored six minutes after the early Capitalizt goal and Brian Lyon soon followed him up, making the score 2-1 Ians at the halfway mark.

But the Capitalizts were not done yet. One of their star forwards, with no small degree of help from his mates, proved why Commerce Heights is the tenth ranked side in the world. He navigated his way through an excellent Ians defense and tied the game up.

Fortunately, the Ians managed to pull themselves up by the bootstraps again and scored with just eight minutes left to play for the win.

“I was really pumped up,” said Fletcher on beating the Capitalizt goalkeeper, “It was, like, just you and me, fat cat. And then I kicked one for the oppressed proletariat everywhere! Long live the Revolution, man!”

The win puts the Ians in excellent shape going in to the last two games. They need two points to automatically qualify for a slot in the World Cup.

“We shouldn’t get cocky, though,” cautioned Coach John Copplestone. “We’re playing Starblaydia and Giant Zucchini, both of whom are tough sides. I have confidence in the boys, though: I want this, and I know they do too. And personally, I think this is the best side I’ve ever seen.”

It Begins!

The fight for 4th place is upon us

Match Day 12 came as Dance 2 Revolution travelled to Spurland to start their dogfight against Jeruselem for 4th Place. D2R named only one change from last Match Day's close call against Lovisa, Maeda fit again to start ahead of "El Salvador" but Handplant still out with the injured wrist.

Spurland managed to take advantage of a jittery D2R side in the first half, knowing that one slip up by the big boys of the group could be the difference between Play-offs and Elimination. In the 14th minute a Spurland corner whipped in by <7> was emphatically headed in by <6>

Spurland pressed on for the rest of the 1st half but D2R managed to calm down and so not allowing for any more decent Spurland attacks.

In the 2nd half it was all D2R, Van Mushruum running it through straight after 2nd half kick-off to even the scores to 1-1.

D2R pressed on Gung Ho-like, it was obvious the Mentality of play had changed, D2R earned 9 coreners between 45' and 65', with the 9th being succesfully converted by Derinda. 2-1

Again D2R pressed on, trying to put the game beyond all doubt. Maeda delivered the 'beyond all doubt' part in the 84th minute, deliciously placing the ball over the Spurland keeper <1>

Final Score
Spurland 1 (<6> 14')
Dance 2 Revolution 3 (Van Mushruum 46', Derinda 64', Maeda 84')

Dance 2 Revolution were also celebrating another match result as Krytenia beat D2R's 4th place rivals Jeruselem 3-0. If D2R win both following matches(Carthage and Troy(MD13) and Vorpal Bunnies(MD14) and Jersuelem win 2 or less points from Lovisa and Bedistan, D2R will earn the 4th spot and a Play-Off match. So after 12 Match-Days the table looks like this:
---Group 8----
[1] Bedistan 12 10 1 1 37-9 31
[2] Lovisa 12 8 3 1 32-14 27
<3> Krytenia 12 8 2 2 33-11 26
<4> Jeruselem 12 6 2 4 21-22 20
5- Dance 2 Revolution 12 5 1 6 21-23 16
E6- Spurland 12 2 3 7 12-23 9
E7- Carthage and Troy 12 3 0 9 16-28 9
E8- Vorpal Bunnies 12 0 0 12 9-51 0

Starblaydia Clinch Playoff Spot!
'SDB' heroics as Starblaydia gain at least a Play-of place

Starblaydia needed to sink Giant Zucchini to assure Qualifcation, and that they did. Just. For nearly ninety minutes this was a tense, nervous affair in which no team looked like they wanted to concede. Obviously, neither of them wanted to.

"In a match like that, its always mistakes that'll get ya." Commented former international Striker Nikola 'Laser' Lazerevski. "It was a Zucchini error that triggered Starblaydia to take the lead, rather than any brilliance from the Starblaydi players."

Though Laser is far from objective in this matter, as the free kick that sealed Starblaydia's guaranteed chance of Qualifcation came from the man who took his record, Simeone Di Bradini.

With the two sides fought nearly to a standstill, and the match looking to he a hard-won poitn for both sides, J.J. Start was clattered into clumisly from behind by a tiring Zucchini defender. With no Ceri Salisbury on the pitch, due to a minor knock, there was no reall free-kick specialist on the pitch.

Step forward Alan City player Simeone Di Bradini, who used his right boot like a wizard uses his staff. With supreme skill he gave the ball power, speed, spin and dip. If sailed around and over the wall of vegetables and into the net.

Fitting, truly fitting, that the man who had been the Hero at Foundation Road so many times in the past had come back like the progidal son to save Starblaydia at the death. Never more has Simeone Di Bradini been loved by Iskara Daii or Starblaydia.

As the Group heads int the final two games, Iansisle, Commerce Heights and Starblaydia (!) are all assured of Play-off places, with Iansisle and Commerce Heights looking odds-on for the Automatic places. For Starblaydia to reach one of those spots, not only would they have to beat Iansisle and Commerce Heights, they'd have to hope that fifth-placed team Giant Zucchini take points of both too, such are the whims of the scheduler. Sarzonia now face a probably short-lived tussle with the Zucchinis for the fourth Qualifying spot, though they can still mathematically win the second auto-qualify place.

All of these issues are best left to Margaret, while Starblaydia must keep both eyes on their next two, and toughest, opponents, with half an eye on Sarzonia and an eye on Group Six. Wait... how many eyes is that? Lucky we've got Simeone Di Bradini, then.


Final Score:
Starblayda 1 - 0 Giant Zucchini
(S Di Bradini 88) - (None)



Group 9 Results, Matchday 12:
Group 9 Table, Matchday 12:
[1] Iansisle 12 10 0 2 37-12 30 P
[2] Commerce Heights 12 8 3 1 37-14 27 P
<3> Starblaydia 12 8 1 3 29-13 25 P
<4> Sarzonia 12 7 2 3 22-12 23
5- Giant Zucchini 12 6 0 6 21-22 18
6- Oceaice 12 2 2 8 13-21 8 E
7- Liechtenistan 12 2 1 9 14-31 7 E
8- Pure Evil 12 0 1 11 8-56 1 E

MD00: .::WC17 Qualifying Schedule :: Starblaydi Stadia::.
MD01: Starblaydia 6-0 Pure Evil
MD02: Sarzonia 2-1 Starblaydia
MD03: Starblaydia 3-0 Oceaice
MD04: Liechtenistan 0-1 Starblaydia
MD05: Giant Zucchini 1-3 Starblaydia
MD06: Starblaydia 2-3 Iansisle
MD07: Commerce Heights 3-3 Starblaydia
MD08: Pure Evil 1-4 Starblaydia
MD09: Starblaydia 1-2 Sarzonia
MD10: Oceaice 1-2 Starblaydia
MD11: Starblaydia 2-1 Liechtenistan
MD12: Starblaydia 1-0 Giant Zucchini
NEXT: Iansisle Vs Starblaydia @ TBA
MD14: Starblaydia Vs Commerce Heights @ Jader Barbahlo Stadium, Jhanna (94,000 Capacity, Jhanna City)

Starblaydia Goal Tally:
Player Goals Total Goals
-------------------------------------
S. Di Bradini 8 21
E. Hall 6 15
A. Ol-wairain 4 9
J.J. Stark 3 5
R. Di Bradini 2 4
S. Haldorsson 1 8
K. Robertson 1 3
C. Salisbury 1 3
M. Tissot 2 4
S. Hill 1 2
V. Tsarev 1 2

Jeruselem Government News

Jeruselem defeat give D2R hope

Krytenia secured 3rd spot while Dance 2 Revolution still had hope of taking 4th from Jeruselem. Krytenia who have not been beat for a while, beat Jeruselem 3-0 to help D2R who won against Spurland 3-1. Favourites Lovisa and Bedistan drew 1-1 in a clash of the Titans. The Trojans continued Vorpal Bunnies miserable run to lose <only> 2-0.

Jeruselem play Lovisa and Bedistan in the last two games who they have not beaten yet.

If Jeruselem win Match Day 13 or 14 and D2R lose any game, Jeruselem cannot lose 4th position. In any case D2R, have to win both their games against lower ranked opponents.


Group 8:
Lovisa [1] Bedistan [1]
Jeruselem [0] Krytenia [3]
Spurland [1] Dance 2 Revolution [3]
Vorpal Bunnies [0] Carthage and Troy [2]

---Group 8----
[1] Bedistan 12 10 1 1 37-9 31
[2] Lovisa 12 8 3 1 32-14 27
<3> Krytenia 12 8 2 2 33-11 26
<4> Jeruselem 12 6 2 4 21-22 20
5- Dance 2 Revolution 12 5 1 6 21-23 16
6- Spurland 12 2 3 7 12-23 9
7- Carthage and Troy 12 3 0 9 16-28 9
8- Vorpal Bunnies 12 0 0 12 9-51 0

Scoreleshelous
'slaves still in reach of the street

Just a little fact, Squornshelous have never failed to score four goals against an Audioslavian Team.

Squornshelous 0
Audioslavia 0Audioslavia
----------------------------------------------
| 1 |
| Fenwick |
| 2 4 20 6 |
| Pearce Romanov Johnstone O`Rourke |
| |
| 18 8 |
| Tessem Tanner |
| 7 11 |
| Johansen 14 Jaynes |
| Marriot |
| |
| 9 |
| Bracken |
----------------------------------------------
| |
| 16 |
| Puente 10 |
| Raskolnikov |
| 11 8 |
| Arnesson 2 Keiths |
| 4 Hicks 9 |
| Perkins Freidel |
| |
| 22 15 7 |
| Stumpel Delmore Harrison |
| |
| 1 |
| del rio Perez |
----------------------------------------------
Squornshelous

A new-look Audioslavia side, playing a 4-5-1 formation as opposed to the usual 5-4-1 or 4-4-2, took to the field against Squornshelous to try salvage something from a sub-par qualification run.

Despite being the top seeds of the group, Audioslavia have been inconsistent, drawing matches with lower sides, getting beaten at home by Ebon Hawk and, in the first encounter between these two sides, getting thumped 4-1 at home by Squornshelous.

Audioslavia went into the game cautiously, the midfield bolstered by the extra man as Tessem joined Tanner in the new first team, and Audioslavia's most experienced player Ben Pearce rejoining the first team at right-back ahead of competition from Cole O`Brien, Rail McKenna and even captain Jens Rep, with the captaincy being given over to centre-back Didi Romanov.

The midfield and defence held firm during the first half, soaking up any pressure they came under in the forms of stupidhead superstar Igor Raskolnikov and striker Rodolfo Puente.

There were chances at either end in the opening moments with Jodey Tessem hitting the post with his head, and Raskolnikov hitting the post with the ball. Tessem was out with concussion and the game had to be held up for a minute before he came to his senses.

Bizzarely, the knock on the head gave Tessem a burst of form and on the thirty-seventh minute he almost opened the scoring with a fine goal. Knocking the ball past Harrison and beating him for pace, the midfielder cut inside Delmore, turned him, twisted round again and went to flick the ball over the advancing keeper, but del rio Perez was on to it and acrobatically flipped backwards to punch the ball over the bar. The resulting corner saw Danny Bracken get his first real chance of the game, getting the better of Freidel in the air only to see his header cleared off the line by Delmore.

After half-time however, the home side picked up the pace. Raskolnikov started causing all sorts of problems for the 'slave defence, playing well with Puente and on occasion turning and skinning Johnstone and O`Rourke. RAskolnikov's best chance came on seventy minutes as he latched onto a Keiths throughball and placed the ball through the oncoming keeper's legs, only for his shot to rebound off the inside of the near post and roll accross the line. Johnstone and Puente sprinted after the ball, the young defender beating the striker and slicing the ball away into touch.

With news of The Weegies keeping Cockbill Street down 1-0 being filtered through the crowd, Audioslavia went for it in the dying minutes, knowing that a win would put them back in contention for an automatic qualifier spot. Khully Tanner smashed a volley over the bar on eighty-six, Tessem missed a header on eighty-seven, whilst the eighty-ninth minute saw a goalmouth scramble as first a Bracken header was pushed off the line, Marriot went for the ball with Delmore who only succeeded in letting the ball spin upwards into the air. Carlos del Rio Perez leapt up to catch but was impeded by his own defender Quentin Harrison and could only palm the ball into the path of oncoming Aidey Jaynes. From seven yards out, Jaynes should have smashed his volley into the open net, but somehow mis-hit his shot and the ball cannoned off the bar and upwards. Bracken, Tessem, Romanov, Perkins, Stumpel and Hicks all leapt to get a head on it, but it was Perkins who rose highest and nodded the ball out to the right for Friedel to clear.

The clearance found Keiths and all of a sudden Squornshelous were away in the last minute with three on two. Keith's chip found Raskolnikov being marked by Johnstone, the striker headed the ball on to the path of Puente who found himself seventeen yards out of goal and all alone but for the goalkeeper. Puente looked certain to score but his first touch let him down and Fenwick rushed out to pounce at the striker's stretching feet, gaining a kick in the head in the process. The kick gave him a nasty scratch on his forehead which had to be treated, wasting valuable seconds of injury time before he could finally kick the ball out to the sound of the final whistle.

FINAL SCORE

SQUORNSHELOUS 0-0 AUDIOSLAVIA Squornshelous [0] Audioslavia [0]
The Weegies [1] Cockbill Street [0]
Ebon Hawk [0] Magnus Valerius [1]
Big Pimento [1] Isles Of Wohlstand [1]
Group 4
Pld W D L F A GD Pts
[1] Squornshelous 12 9 2 1 29-9 +20 29
[2] Cockbill Street 12 9 0 3 26-13 +13 27
<3> Audioslavia 12 7 3 2 24-13 +11 24
<4> The Weegies 12 5 2 5 17-12 +05 17
5- Ebon Hawk 12 3 2 7 10-25 -15 11
6- Magnus Valerius 12 3 1 8 8-23 -15 10
7- Isles Of Wohlstand 12 2 3 7 14-22 -08 9
8- Big Pimento 12 1 5 6 11-22 -11 8

boring on the goal front? yes, but in terms of importance it was probably the most exciting round of matches yet in group four.

Going into the games, it seemed a given that Cockbill Street would at least get to thirty points, but The Weegies' plucky performance and one-nil win over the Street. That result means that Squornshelous stay top. Still. Theyve been there since day one and dont look like budging. It would take a Cockbill Street win over Audioslavia and/or the Stupidheads and a Squorn slip-up against The Weegies to topple them off their perch in either of the last two games.

Audioslavia's goalless draw keeps them in third place. No danger of dropping out of the top three at all, but if they dont win their second match with Cockbill Street on saturday then its probably all over. A two-goal win would be enough to put them ahead of the Street on goals-scored, a draw would leave them three points behind and needing a big win over The Weegies and a Squornshelous result against The Street on the final day. A loss would dump them into a playoff spot.

However, that playoff place is becoming increasingly more desireable. Audioslavia would play host to whoever finishes fourth in group two, and that could very well be 54th ranked El Cid The Hero who currently head Snub Nose 38 on goal difference and have a run-in which is much easier than Snub's. El Cid play the bottom two in their group (strugglers Esth and feckless no-hopers Wapahkoneta) whilst Snub Nose 38 have to travel to The Eagles Nest, and play table-toppers Svecia. Audioslavia vs El Cid The Hero would be the more desireable match-up due to rank and the fact that in their two-previous meetings, El Cid The Hero have never beaten Audioslavia, with the 'slaves winning the first match 2-1 and drawing the second 2-2.

The alternatives, Snub Nose 38, are probably the least desireable option being ranked 31st and on the up after a few dissapointing world cup campaigns. Another alternative could be Halfassedstates, ranked 38th, Audioslavia's record against them is played two, won one, lost one. Audioslavia took the first game 4-0 World Cup 5 qualifiers, with Halfassedstates taking the spoils 2-1 in the first round of World Cup 8.

With any luck however, Audioslavia will just have to make do with automatic qualification. Bring it on Cockbill Street....

I've been Jeremy Jaffacake, g'nite bitches.

VILÄMNA DAGENS NYHETER

DOUBLE ELIMINATION
Lack of spark shows with Solskjaer out

Svecia 1 El Cid the Hero 1

VILÄMNA, Svecia - The Melmond voodoo dice must have been in Vilämna again. Hopefully the curse has not passed to us. But the long layover between games certainly didn´t play in to the Lightning´s stars well.

Mikael Solskjaer went down at practice the day before the match with a sprained ankle. He was dribbling the ball downfield and a tackle from an awkward angle brought him down. His lack of presence on the field yesterday was striking.

The Lightning never managed to get into the game. The few shots they had lacked real effort, and the only goal they did score was in first half injury time, as Hanan Belagt put away a penalty kick.

Other than that, the game was mainly controlled by El Cid. El Cid midfielder Homer Dent scored in the 76th minute to even the match, and nearly scored again in the 87th. Svecia just barely managed to escape with a draw at home against a team they beat on the road.

There are only three matches left now for Svecia to stay strong. Solskjaer is expected to be out until after the last qualifying match. His replacement, midfielder Sven Laursen, has had World Cup experience before, but was injured in the last World Cup and hasn´t found much playing time since. His performance in the game yesterday, though, looked much more inspired than many of the others.

Svecia take on the Eagles Nest at home in their next match. They need to take away at least a point from this tough side who managed a squeeker, 1-0, when Svecia visited them.

VILÄMNA DAGENS NYHETER

A THRASHING, PORTUGUESE STYLE!
Simão gets hat-trick, Belagt three assists as Svecia romp over TEN at home

Svecia 3 The Eagles Nest 1

VILÄMNA, Svecia - If ever there was a time for Joël Simão to record his first international hattrick, it was yesterday against the fourth-ranked Eagles Nest team.

After the beating Svecia took at home against El Cid, many wondered how the Lightning would do against the much stronger Eagles Nest team. It was the rookie, though, and the veteran Hanan Belagt, that took the team on their shoulders and destroyed the Eagles Nest.

TEN scored first in the 21st minute to the disappointment of the crowd watching on. A soft header in the area floated just over the outstretched arm of Piet van Meer and into the goal by Siggy Secour.

But Simão took a lead from Hanan Belagt just 10 minutes later and dribbled around the stranded keeper Boyd Gregor before tapping it home for the equalizer. Svecia survived a scare in the 43rd minute as a free kick taken by Weber Strong just missed the goal as it banged off the cross bar and safely to Tomas Kristiansand.

Simão got his second goal just after half time in the 47th minute when he headed home a corner taken by Belagt to put Svecia on top 2-1.

And it was the combination of Belagt and Simão again in the 78th minute that sealed the victory for the Lightning as Belagt took the ball in the goal area before tapping it across the goal mouth to a waiting Simão who blasted the ball into the open net from close range to put a punctuation mark on his accomplishment and sent the stadium into a frenzy. The Starblaydia referee, Binky McGee, could have called a penalty as Belagt was pulled down as he toed the ball to Simão, but he correctly played the advantage and Svecia delighted their fans with a 3-1 victory at home.

Svecia play at home again tomorrow in their last home match of qualifying against the Halfassedstates, which Svecia beat 2-0 on the road earlier.

OOC: SCNR!
IC:

Back to earth

After the high victory against whipping boy Ravea, the Orange-Blues had to face Gesamtkuntswerk in Hauptstadt. The Nationalstadium was completely sold out, fans from Gesamtkuntswerk were not a small minority like in the home match. This time, there was an equal amount of rejistanian and gesamtkuntswerki fans in the stadium.

The Orange-Blues played in their normal System Imdila. The Gesamtkutswerk roster has no indication of the tactical formation, they used. The best description might be: an either chaotic system without any strategy or a very total version of 'total football'. Whatever it was, it became a problem for the Orange-Blues. The Gesamtkuntswerk players interfered very fast and their pressing made the game interesting. Despite a fast game, the first half ended scoreless.

The second half started like the first ended. But in the 56th minutes, Lyku Ju shocked the Gesamtkuntswerki fans when a long-distance shot went past Torwart and the Orange-Blues were leading 1:0. Gesamtkuntswerk had their first big chance when Konterverteidiger came in good position but Sasijilvenku Dikelesinivetisaru was Johny on the spot and cleared. The following corner was shot by Standardspezialist. Kopfballungeheuer headed the ball past Ninu Juru and equalized the score. When everyone expected a draw, the Orange-Blues made one last attack, which prove successfull: SyMji feinted Torwart and scored the 2:1. The Gesamtkuntswerk fans reacted by a collective 'Scheiße!'. Apparently, that is a word in their language even though no one at the Update could translate it.

The result:
Gesamtkuntswerk 1 (Kopfballungeheuer 67th)
Rejistania 2 (Ju 56th, Lyku 88th)

Referee: Marco Castellani (Esth) KaMaRi Update rating: 8 (maybe some action in the first half was worth interfering)

The Reichsmarkia Times
Price: depends on the current rate of inflation

Another win against Qia
The Trillionaires defeated Qia again by the same score as in the home match, but everything else was changed: The FC/Fortuna/Aufstieg Reichsmarkia Stadium was sold out completely and mostly be Insanian fans who wanted to spend their money as long as it is worth something. The Qian fans were a small minority, not just because the irrational fear of a country with an inflation rate of more than 100% (daily of course) but also because the fans could not find the stadium due to the name change. The stadium was remaned from "FC/Fortuna Reichsmarkia Stadium" to "FC/Fortuna/Aufstieg Reichsmarkia Stadium" (Aufstieg Reichsmarkia was promoted to the first division and so the name change became urgent) but the road signs mostly still have the old name "FC Reichsmarkia & Fortuna Reichsmarkia Stadium" on them since it is unaffordable to change them.

The Trillionaires played their normal 3-4-3 against the Qian 5-4-1. The Trillionaires had some good chances, but a compact Qian defense prevented the early lead. Qia searched their luck in counters and standards. The latter caused the 0:1 in a penalty shot by Cristian Diaz and the 0:2 in a corner kick. This time, Ben Rihanda shot it and Stephen Horton headed the ball past goalie Hans Eichel.
In the second half, the better stamina payed off for the Trillionaires. Defensive errors in the 65th minute caused the 1:2 for Insane Inflation. Lirasi Türkmen showed that he is a good substitute for Hans Reichsmark, also known as "Death-of-chances". T.I. Yen showed his great skill in the 71st minute when he outsmarted three Rivas (defenders Martin and Jorge Rivas as well as goalie Ruben Rivas) to archieve the equalizer. The last half ofthe second half saw fierce attacks, desperate defenses and until the 85th minute no more goals. Then, H. Series added his name to the scoreboard too after blatant defensive errors of Qia.

Despite the win and the 10 points, which the Trillionaires archieved, they are eliminated. Experts blame the 'inflation of points' for this.

The result:
Insane Inflation 3 (Türkmen 65th, Yen 71st, Series 85th)
Qia 2 (Diaz 24th, Horton 37th)

Ankh-Morpork C-mail

DO WE HAVE A NEW COACH?
Five Wins On The Trot...But Still No Manager on Sideline

A clinical 4-1 effort at the Grass Patch yesterday in front of a record low 6,598 attendance meant that the Street are guaranteed a top-three finish in the World Cup Qualifying Series. After five straight wins, the Streeters are beginning to wonder whether somebody else are pulling Hexatux' strings - clearly something has happened. Rikki's playing better - another two goals were scored today as the Street came back from a 0-1 deficit against the Hawks.

Today was a thoroughly well played game from the keeper Havell and through to strikers Stone and Stubbings, though, and the Street's first goal came after fifteen minutes. A long pass from Howard, winning the ball after tackling a hawk (it's easy...you go for the talons), was followed up by a magnificent volley from Rikki. 1-1 and all square.

Then a barrage of goals followed. 2-1 came through Thorgeirr Axewielder, after a corner kick in the 22nd minute, and 3-1 through a magnificent raid by James Underwood in the 24th minute that had the Hawks completely beaten. At 3-1, things were looking comfortable, and the Streeters withdrew slightly. The crowd began to leave as well, as standing out in the rain while sinking into the muddy Grass Patch wasn't particularly comfortable. Luckily for the Street, however, they survived without crowd support, and Rikki Stone put in the fourth and final goal just before half time.

Now, group four is beginning to resemble a mini-league where the top two go through and some teams have a head start. Next up, Squornshelous play Audioslavia, and with a win here Squornshelous are virtually assured of automatic qualification while Audioslavia would be knocked out. So it is pretty much do or die for the 'Slaves. Still, Squornshelous have been decidedly poor after their six-game winning streak in the opening matches - they've only taken nine points from their last five, and could conceivedly draw or even lose this match. That would tie the group up even more before Audioslavia host Cockbill Street to the clash of the group the day after that. The Street, expecting a sixth win in a row against The Weegies, would then be leading the group (assuming Squornshelous lost), and with another win here could make sure of auto-qualification. However, a loss could send Audioslavia back on level terms, especially as they finish off comparatively easier. Cockbill Street and Squornshelous are likely to battle it out for the final place in the final game - or, in theory, draw and knock Audioslavia out. So, in short, everything is possible - but at least we're secured a play-off place against the fourth team in group 1, which will be either Halfassedstates, Svecia or Snub Nose 38. Prepare for Cup of Harmony, in other words.

Never Mention Streaks
That's When They Break

An unlucky penalty given by Rejistanian referee Siki Rej resulted in an unfortunate 0-1 loss that ties Group 4 right back up between all the three top teams. The Streeters played another good, if not spectacular, match, and Robert Stubbings had two huge chances to put it in behind the Weegie keeper, Clive Eriksson, but his shots went into first the left and then the right post.

Despite that, the Street fought on, and dominated the first half. The Weegies managed a couple of counter-attacks - one up on the left side after a good raid by Aidan McDonald, and the other through the middle - had Jonathan Havell in the goal scared a bit. The teams went to half-time with the score at 0-0.

In the second half, the game opened up more as the Street charged forward for a goal. Both sides had great chances to score in the opening five minutes, and only some great goalkeeping from Eriksson and Havell prevented goals in that period of the match. Then, disaster struck. A seemingly very small push from Nick Gunter was enough - Siki Rej saw a penalty, and he gave it. Naturally, the Weegie midfielder Aidan MacDonald scored, and the youngsters withdrew into their own half. Despite another wave of frustration, the Street could not score, and they are forced to win next week's clash with Audioslavia in order to qualify directly.

Squornshelous still in first thanks to a little luck
Squornshelous' nil-nil draw with Audioslavia threatened to leave them in second place, but a good performance by The Weeiges kept Cockbill Street at 27 points.


Squornshelous' Scorers:
Raskolnikov: 13
Keiths: 6
Puente: 6
Arnesson: 2
Hicks: 1
Castillan: 1



Squornshelous' Qualifying Schedule:
Wins Losses Draws
MD01: Squornshelous 6-1 Ebon Hawk
MD02: Isles of Wohlstand 1-3 Squornshelous
MD03: Squornshelous 2-0 Big Pimento
MD04: Magnus Valerius 1-3 Squornshelous
MD05: Audioslavia 1-4 Squornshelous
MD06: The Weegies 1-3 Squornshelous
MD07:Squornshelous 0-1 Cockbill Street
MD08: Ebon Hawk 0-2 Squornshelous
MD09: Squornshelous 3-1 Isles of Wohlstand
MD10: Big Pimento 1-1 Squornshelous
MD11: Squornshelous 2-1 Magunus Valerius
MD12: Squornshelous 0-0 Audioslavia
MD13: Squornshelous v The Weegies
MD14: Cockbill Street v Squornshelous

Foakered Over
Voodoo Dice Rears Its Ugly Head at the Last Minute
By Jay Ununne of the Unne Sun-Times

UNNE, MELMOND—The atmosphere at the sold out Feliz-Unne Stadium was absolutely electric in this steamy afternoon in Unne. One would be surprised that with the combination of the two an electrical storm didn’t developed. However, the sparks certainly did fly between these two bitter rivals Melmond and Oaker, and the stakes couldn’t be any higher. Of course, many around the NationStates footballing world know about how the Oaker side continually haunts and smashes Melmond’s dreams of World Cup finals glory despite Melmond usually being favored every time due to their talent and effort they put on the field. However, with The Evil Umpire, a nation which truly hates everything about Melmond, helping out Oaker in some ways as well as the points situation, this will be the most intense match between these two sides.
That prophecy was quickly fulfilled as the sparks were flying early on in the match. At the 10th minute of the match during a Melmond attack, the Oaker defence seemed to be getting rather overwhelmed. Melmond midfielder Critandi Unne dribble circles around the Oaker defence until being stopped just outside the goalkeeper’s box by Oaker defender Mitel Oaker, who tackled Critandi Unne by slide tackling her at the side of her angle. Critandi Unne flew in the air from that tackle and landed on hir hip. Fortunately for both sides, Critandi Unne was able to recover and continue to the play and Mitel Oaker was only given a yellow card for a rather vicious looking tackle.
Oaker continued to play while throwing caution to the wind. Trying to recover a long pass from midfielder Scott Oaker, Melmond defender Charles Unne seemed to be in perfect position to head the ball back. However, Scott Oaker’s intended target, Oaker striker Tip Oaker, was so far behind the pass that he had to desperately leap in the air to try to trap it, in the process giving Charles Unne a breakfast of his entire back. The fans in Unne, seeing some of their royal children being violated wanted a red card this time, but were very dismayed to see that Tip Oaker would only get a yellow card for his act. The booking was at the 26th minute. Referee Tony Scalfano of Sarzonia explained his reasons for giving out a yellow card instead of a red card to a livid Manager David Bixler by saying that “Tip Oaker’s body was just out of control, there was no intent to harm.” The explanation didn’t appease Bixler, but he eventually desisted.
But his and the furor would die down three minutes later as Melmond earned a corner kick. As always, Melmond defender and captain Jonsi Torrini took the honours of taking the corner. He was setting up as if he was preparing for his trademark kick, the Acosta-Audioslavia arc. The Oaker defence was preparing accordingly. However, Torrini takes the Oaker defence by surprise by doing a regular old corner which was headed in the net by lanky Melmond striker Lave Serna. Serna scores hir second goal of the qualifying tourney as the crowd celebrates as Melmond takes the 1-nil lead at the 31st minute as Oaker seemed to be on the ropes.
However, it was the Melmond National Team who would slip on the canvas. One of Melmond’s young phenom, midfielder Jake Cormier, did make a mistake of inexperience thinking he can get away with pushing Oaker midfielder Sport Oaker away from the ball so he could get position. However, it was right in front of the eyes of the Sarzonian referee Tony Scalfano. It was a yellow card for Cormier at the 34th minute.
Five minutes later, Scalfano continued to see yellow as it was the predominant color of the first half. Melmond defender Jonsi Torrini was marking infamous Oaker striker Flash Oaker. As Flash Oaker made a juke move trying to fake Torrini out of his ankles, Torrini then tackles his plant foot rather than the ball. It was a yellow card for Torrini and a free kick for Oaker. Flash Oaker took the honours for the free kick. He found a path to the side of the Melmond wall as Oaker striker Tip Oaker lives up to his name and heads the ball past Melmond goalkeeper Gina Unne. Oaker ties the match 1-1 and that score would be maintained until halftime.
During the second half, the tempo of the match got much quicker as Sarzonian referee Tony Scalfano let them know in the first half that he wasn’t going to take any gruff from either side. Both sides played with a caution, which resulted in an attacking and flowing football as both Oaker and Melmond got many shots on goal, but both goalkeepers, Gina Unne for Melmond and Carrin Oaker for Oaker played rather well. However, with as many shots that have been made, some are eventually going to get in the net. This was the case at the 60th minute, as Melmond midfielder Critandi Unne was finally going to get the score that eluded hir when the Oaker defender Mitel Oaker tackle hir from the side. Critandi Unne let out a rocket of a shot from long distance which zipped past the diving Oaker goalkeeper to put Melmond up 2-1 as the crowd just exploded into bliss.
Of course, there is a reason why they have earned the nickname “the Disappointments.” The Melmond National Team has always had to penchant to disappoint any upbeat Melmondian crowd, and today was no exception. Flash Oaker was ready to take his shot inside the goalkeeper’s box, but the Melmond defence and goalkeeper were instantly closing in on him. However, he then sees that midfielder Freddy Oaker is wide open behind him and makes the back heel which Freddy Oaker blasts into the net taking advantage of an overcommitted Melmond goalkeeper. Oaker quiets down the crowd as the match is now tied 2-2 at the 69th minute.
The match started getting very intense again as the minutes of the match started to tick down. Sarzonian referee Tony Scalfano seemed to be much more lenient this time around, which would have been thought to be advantageous for the physical Melmond side. Unfortunately, as the defence has played well, the injury and red card decimated offence was not able to make a goal in the rest of the match. Oaker would get one last rally in order to crush Melmond’s dreams once again. Flash Oaker was able to let off a kick; however it looked to be far left from the goal. However, the ball took a strange turn and stayed in bounds but did not go to the net. The Melmond and Oaker players were trying to recover the ball, but once someone was about to touch the ball, the ball would make a strange movement away from that player. Injury time came and the ball was still bouncing around away from player contact. Voodoo dice was present, and the fans were trying to look for the wanted man behind the voodoo dicing as he must be present. However, it was too late as the ball just shot into the Melmond net by itself just before the final whistle. Oaker would get the 3-2 victory and nemesis Flash Oaker would get credit for the voodoo dice goal. Unlike in the Qia match where the culprits could be found, they came away scott free but announced their presence in terms of a pile of rocks and garbage below some graffiti written in Skyline Chili saying “MELMOND SUXXXXX.” Overall, it was a very depressing afternoon for anyone with any empathy toward the Melmond National Team.

Goals
Serna, MEL 31st
Ti. Oaker, OAK 39th
Cr. Unne, MEL 60th
Fr. Oaker, OAK 69th
Fl. Oaker, OAK 90th

Cards
M. Oaker, OAK 10th
Ti. Oaker, OAK 26th
Cormier, MEL 34th
Torrini, MEL 39th

Standings

Other Group 3 Scores
Spaam 1 – Eauz 5
Slaikau 2 – The Evil Umpire 0
Insane Inflation 3 – Qia 2

Group 3
Pts W D L GF:GA GD
1. Eauz 28 9 1 2 35:14 21
2. Melmond 23 7 2 3 29:12 17
3. Oaker 23 7 2 3 24:15 9
4. Spaam 20 6 2 4 31:25 6
5. Slaikau 16 5 1 6 16:23 -7
6. The Evil Umpire 13 4 1 7 17:27 -10
7. Insane Inflation 10 3 1 8 16:29 -13
8. Qia 5 1 2 9 15:38 -23

Team Stats
Goals: Tim Remans (8), Ojfssnsj Xrnym (7), Critandi Unne (5), Jamie Prior (2), Alfred Smith (2), Lave Serna (2), Jake Cormier (1), Jonsi Torrini (1), Cristina Antunez (1)
Cards: Charles Unne (2), Trav Strachan (1,1), Jamie Prior (1), Alfred Smith (1), Snhp Xtfuinxm (1), Fwynj Otsjx (1), Ojfssnsj Xrnym (1), Veronica Dean (1), Jake Cormier (1), Jonsi Torrini (1)

Melmond National Team Schedule

v Insane Inflation (Frankndottir Stadium, Acosta) W 3-0
v The Evil Umpire (Vilita) W 3-1
v Slaikau (Microcosm Football Colossuseum, Aldi) T 1-1
@ Qia T 1-1
@ Oaker L 3-1
v Spaam (Melmond Bowl, Melmond City) W 4-1
@ Eauz W 3-0
@ Insane Inflation W 5-0
v The Evil Umpire (Commerce Heights) W 3-0
@ Slaikau W 3-1
v Qia (Bwnlqjd Knjgi, Wzkknfs Hnyd) L 1-0
v Oaker (Feliz-Unne Stadium, Unne) L 3-2
@ Spaam
v Eauz (Makinshakes Stadium, O’Connor)

Next Game
@ Spaam

The final two games for the Disappointments are against arguably the two most talented teams in Group 3, Spaam and Eauz. However, the good news is that the last time Melmond played these teams, they not only won, but dominated the match. Melmond is on its first losing streak in this qualifying session and will not have the easiest time taking on Spaam and their intimidating mega stadiums. Fortunately, this is one of the weakest Spaam sides in weakest memory. If Melmond gets the win here and Oaker loses to Eauz, Melmond is virtually a lock to be in their first ever World Cup. However, if all fails, Melmond has clinched a playoff spot. Fortunately, Melmond striker Tim Remans has returned to the starting lineup after healing up from the lacerations on his head. Here is Manager David Bixler’s starting lineup.

GK- Gina Unne
D- Jonsi Torrini
D- Sergio Ortiz
D- Charles Unne
D- Trav Strachan
M- Jake Cormier
M- Alfred Smith
M- Critandi Unne
M- Cristina Antunez
F- Lave Serna
F- Tim Remans

For tickets to Spaam and the match, call the Therewegoes Travel Agency at 3-18-357-9009. Plenty of tickets available but make sure you are very flexible if you go as the people are shrinked and crammed in order to fit into Spaam’s uberstadions.

EL CID NEWS.
NEWS YOU CAN USE.

sports news

Banking on a good performance

Northbank 1 (?6)
El Cid the Hero 3 ( Trotter 26, Nevile 49+, 68)

now in 4th place and the 2 weakest teams their next oponents, the mood in the lions camp is upbeat after 3-1 thashing of Northbank.

with an ealy mistake form Mark Hunter giving Northbank the lead, it was thought that the Cids Lions would't be able to come back from this setback.
It seemed that however that the lions were energizedby this problem, and after 20 mins Barry Trotter got through the defence and slotted
the ball in the top corner.

With the match leveled Northbank seemed to fall apart. with a totle of 28 shots on target from the cids lions, but is was not untill the final mins of the first half that the team captin managed to put the ball out of reach of the keeper.

The lions being 2-1 up seemed to get send a message to Northbank who had to foces on the fact that thay were 2-1 down. this showed in their second half performance with them not puting up much of a fight in their attack with them only geting 3 shots on goal. The Cids lions final goal was scored by Nevile with a header scored from a corner kick to give them a 3-1 win.

The rest of the game was uninteresting with little shots on goals and both sides being taim in attack. the outcome being well recived by the manager.

"we played well in defence,"mutted Chris Skinner" we got the ball when it matted and helded Northbank at Bay.

with only 2 games to go can ECTH stay into 4th place to face the play-off match? keep reading to find out.

Matchday 1:The Eagles Nest v El Cid the Hero W 0-1
Matchday 2:El Cid the Hero v HalfassedstatesW 2-0
Matchday 3:Snub Nose 38 v El Cid the Hero L 3-1
Matchday 4:El Cid the Hero v Svecia L 1-2
Matchday 5:El Cid the Hero v Northbank W 2-1
Matchday 6:Esth v El Cid the Hero W 0-2
Matchday 7:El Cid the Hero v WapahkonetaW 5-1
Matchday 8:El Cid the Hero v The Eagles Nest L 1-2
Matchday 9:Halfassedstates v El Cid the Hero D 0-0
Matchday 10:El Cid the Hero v Snub Nose 38 L 1-2
Matchday 11:Svecia v El Cid the Hero D 1-1
Matchday 12:Northbank v El Cid the HeroW 1-3
Matchday 13:El Cid the Hero v Esth
Matchday 14:Wapahkoneta v El Cid the Hero

---Group 2----
[1] Svecia 12 8 3 1 27-10 27
[2] The Eagles Nest 12 8 2 2 23-12 26
<3> Halfassedstates 12 7 2 3 21-13 23
<4> El Cid the Hero 12 6 2 4 20-13 20
5- Snub Nose 38 12 6 2 4 26-21 20
6- Northbank 12 2 3 7 14-26 9
7- Esth 12 2 1 9 13-28 7
8- Wapahkoneta 12 1 1 10 11-32 4

Le LIBRE

Revenge is ever so sweet

Coming off of their easy section of the schedule, Les Bleus were once again 4 for 4 in that section. They knew though that they had to win in the next 3 matches if they were to advance. They could not give up the chance that they had, with a 2 point first place position. Les Bleus arrived in the Capital of Spaam, and were weighed over by the massive mount of useless advertisements they received on Spaam Air. One remarkable one said “Become a superstar soccer player in 10 minutes using this video”. Anyways, they did not eat well on the flight, because most of the main dishes were spam or made with spam in some way. Entering the city, they could not believe all the advertisements and billboards trying to sell you something. Obviously the capitaliZt big has gotten to the poor citizens of Spaam.

Entering the stadium, Les Bleus were amazed at the spectacular looking stadium. Surely there were also many advertisements, but that was assumed. The referee for the match was Olaf Axewielder from Cockbill Street who is supposed to be above average on strictness and about average on calling a fair match. Before the match, the Spaam authorities messed up during the anthem singing as they hung the Eauz national flag upside down. Eauz fans in the stands booed the authorities and mocked Spaam citizens. This incident sparked a bit of life into the Eauz team, as they still wanted to get revenge on Spaam for beating Eauz at hom 2 – 1 last time.

The match started with Spaam taking control of the ball. Spaam controlled the ball for a large part of the time, but were not able to get many shots off. Rousseau was defending, when a Spaam player took a shot, blocked by Rousseau, but it went to the side, where a Spaam Player was situated. The player took the shot, only to go sailing slightly over the top of the net. Rousoi kicked the ball down field, but it was intercepted by a Spaam Player, who kept the attacks going. Nearing the 20th marker of the match Spaam looked to be the dominate team in the match, even though they had no goals. A long pass sent it up to Spaam Player who was near the net. He kicked the ball, but Rousoi made a remarkable save. Spaam player could not believe his eyes as Rousoi hung onto the ball. Fans were already into the match and Les Bleus could not let them get any further into it. During the 29th minute of play though, Les Bleus finally looked to be alive in the match as defender Vincent Devereux sent a pass to centre field, being caught by Gabrielle D'Aubigne, who went up the right side of the field. Seeing a clearing, she entered and went towards the net. Having 2 Spaam defenders follow her, she passed it out to Henri Manners who let out a quick shot, into the open net, giving Les Bleus a 1 – 0 lead. Les Bleus would not stop there as 7 minutes later, still on the attack got a corner kick. Henri took the kick, as it sailed towards the group of players. Jumping for the ball, Spaam player pushed Vasser, knocking him to the ground. The referee called the play, and raised a yellow card to Spaam Player. Les Bleus were awarded a free kick, and Alia capitalized on it, sending it to the top right corner, just past the diving Spaam keeper. Les Bleus were up 2 – 0 at the 36th minute of play. Still attacking, Les Bleus passed around the ball in the Spaam zone, and then Alia charged the net, knocking over the Spaam defender. The referee quickly blew the whistle and gave Alia the yellow card. Alia could not believe it but knew it would be worse for his team if he complained to the referee. Spaam regained the ball, bringing it up field, but a great tackle regained control of the ball for Les Bleus. Rushing to get the ball, Henri took it towards the net up against 2 defenders. He let the ball go, finding its way to the back of the net. Les Bleus were up 3 – 0 and not looking to slow down. For Eauz fans and players this was great revenge especially in front of Spaam spectators. Aside from Eauz spectators, the stadium went quiet, as their national team was being destroyed by Eauz. During injury time of the first half, Les Bleus continued the overkill as Alia split the defense going towards the net. Seeing Vasser beside him, he passed it over to Vasser, who knocked the ball in easily giving Les Bleus a 4 – 0 lead at the end of the first half.

The frustration of the Spaam team was showing as the match went on especially into the second half. Though one odd spot showed up in the second half as during the 53rd minute of play, Spaam got a corner which went to a Spaam player who kicked the ball. The ball deflected off of Michël Thorain, changing the direction, going into the net. Rousoi was all ready on the other side to catch the ball, and was stunned at what happened. He was disappointed that he could not get the shutout though. Spaam fans were excited at this goal, but saw that a 4 – 1 deficit would be a large one to overcome especially against Eauz who seemed to have found new life. The final Eauz goal sealed the match for Les Bleus at the 80th minute of play with a long kick by Guillaume Ulfston which was not expected to be much, but it found its way past the diving keeper going into the net. Ulfston could not believe his eyes, as he rarely scores goals. Les Bleus finished the match easily by a 5 – 1 victory and the right to smug the victory into the Spaam fans who thought it was wonderful that they had beat Eauz in Zuka.

With the victory, Les Bleus stay in 1st place with 28 points and gain a bit more ground on Melmond, who lost to Oaker, 3 – 2. As for Group 3 standings, there are now 3 teams eliminated from qualifying of which are The Evil Umpire, Insane Inflation and Qia. For Les Bleus the only teams they will have to worry about are Melmond and Oaker who have the potential to catch Les Bleus, if Les Bleus lose the next 2 matches. A victory against Oaker in Zuka will seal Les Bleus a qualifying position in WCXVII. A loss by Melmond and an Eauz victory will give Les Bleus 1st place overall.

As for the match against Oaker, it is expected that the stadium will be packed, and by request of the Oaker officials, Les Bleus have left a section of seats for Oaker fans to attend the match.


---Group 3----
[1] Eauz 12 9 1 2 35-14 28
[2] Melmond 12 7 2 3 29-12 23
<3> Oaker 12 7 2 3 24-15 23
<4> Spaam 12 6 2 4 31-25 20
5- Slaikau 12 5 1 6 16-23 16
6- The Evil Umpire 12 4 1 7 17-27 13 ELIM
7- Insane Inflation 12 3 1 8 16-29 10 ELIM
8- Qia 12 1 2 9 15-38 5 ELIM


Schedule

Match Day 1: The Evil Umpire @ Eauz W 0 – 3
Match Day 2: Eauz @ Slaikau W 2 – 0
Match Day 3: Qia @ Eauz W 1 – 4
Match Day 4: Eauz @ Insane Inflation W 4 – 2
Match Day 5: Spaam @ Eauz L 2 – 1
Match Day 6: Eauz @ Oaker T 2 – 2
Match Day 7: Melmond @ Eauz L 3 – 0
Match Day 8: Eauz @ The Evil Umpire W 5 – 0
Match Day 9: Slaikau @ Eauz W 1 – 2
Match Day 10: Eauz @ Qia W 4 – 1
Match Day 11: Insane Inflation @ Eauz W 1 – 3
Match Day 12: Eauz @ Spaam W 5 – 1
Match Day 13: Oaker @ Eauz
Match Day 14: Eauz @ Melmond

OOC: I don't have much time to write a good RP, thanks to slani RL...

The Aeropag Tribune - Die, Aquilla, die!

World Cup Report - Matchday 12
Commerce Heights @ Iansisle
SOMEWHERE, IANSISLE - The Capitalizts, after having their RP bonus cut off by an operative of the Dell Corporation, known to be run by communist sympathizers, lost a game for the first time in WC17Q. The loss snapped the team's non-losing streak at 12 games, tied for the second-best in team history. The Capitalizts were confident after leading 1-0 at halftime, but Iansisle was credited with three goals after the Rejistanian referee became irritated by bribery. A second goal was eventually scored by Simoleon while the referee wasn't looking, but the score remained 3-2 until full time. When asked after the game, Simoleon blamed his poor performance on the Third Aquillan War, although nobody understood what it had to do with anything.

Matchday 13 Scores Posted:

SCORES THREAD (http://forums2.jolt.co.uk/showthread.php?t=356281)

((I’m really bad at math and such things, so forgive me if the table or my figuring is wrong!))

Ians, Capitalizts Lock Up Top Spots!
Scoreless draw with Starblaydia is not pretty, but does the trick

WESTERGATE, Iansisle -- Most of the fifty thousand fans who turned up at the Footballing Grounds to see (or, if they could not get tickets, listen to) the Iansisle-Starblaydia match walked away wondering if they had really seen a game at all.

“There wasn’t much scoring,” said one, “well, there wasn’t any scoring, really.”

The Ians, however, still had a reason to pop champaign at the end of the day. With 31 points, they cannot be overtaken by any team except the Commerce Heights Capitalizts, meaning they automatically qualify for the 17th World Cup. Starblaydia and Sarzonia, with 26 points each, have also locked up the ‘play-off’ spots.

The Ians will take on Giant Zucchini away for their last game, while the Capitalizts are on the road versus Starblaydia.

“We hope to be able to win the group,” said head coach John Copplestone, “but if that’s not possible, then the Capitalizts deserve it almost as much as we do. They’re a good team. Still, best of luck to Starblaydia!”

[1] Iansisle 12 10 1 2 37-12 31 +25
[2] Commerce Heights 12 9 3 1 39-14 30 +25
<3> Starblaydia 12 8 2 3 29-13 26 +16
<4> Sarzonia 12 8 2 3 25-14 26 +11
5- Giant Zucchini 12 6 0 7 21-24 18 -3
6- Oceaice 12 3 2 8 18-21 11 -3
7- Liechtenistan 12 2 1 10 16-34 7 -18
8- Pure Evil 12 0 1 12 8-61 1 -53

The final day will decide Group 5
Falcons have a great chance at making playoffs

With just one match left, Aquiliana has moved within 1 point of Turnia for the final playoff spot in Group 5 of the WC17 qualifiers. The Falcons soundly defeated unranked Regia Anglorum 5-0 Saturday night. A win over Kipto-Mare tomorrow would give them a very decent chance at making the play-in game, as 4th-place Turnia plays Kingsford, ranked #8 in the world. If Turnia wins, they qualify, but it seems unlikely as Kingsford has won 11 of 13 games, and tied the other 2. Their previous meeting ended up as a 2-0 win for Kingsford. On the other hand, the Falcons defeated Kipto-Mare 2-0 on MD7. If history repeats itself, the team will reach the play-in game, but nobody in the organization dares to get excited just yet.

After the celebration of the team's highest-scoring match in history Saturday night, the mood was noticeably tenser Sunday morning. Not much was said as the team bus drove into Nidola, where Aquiliana's World Cup qualifying future would be decided.....

---TURN TAPE OVER TO CONTINUE---

Final Score:
Regia Anglorum 0 - 5 Aquiliana
(Cuniculus 12, Præfrigidi 25, Flögel 42, Direptor 61, Xiphior 79 [PK])

---Group 5----
[1] Kingsford 13 11 2 0 37-5 35
[2] Liverpool England 13 9 3 1 29-11 30
<3> Oglethorpia 13 6 4 3 30-19 22
<4> Turnia 13 6 0 7 20-21 18
5- Aquiliana 13 4 5 4 21-23 17
6- Avenging Altos 13 4 1 8 15-26 13
7- Regia Anglorum 13 2 1 10 13-37 7
8- Kipto-Mare 13 1 2 10 10-33 5

Goalscorers

Auguratius 5
Cuniculus 4
Flögel 4
Præfrigidi 2
Carbasus 2
Haesit 1
Messor 1
Direptor 1
Xiphior 1

TEN Bounces Back From Svecia Loss

Only Worst Loss In Strike Birds History Can Stop Them From Qualifying

AFter the beating they took at the hands of Svecia, the Strike Birds came home for their final match in the friendly confines of Silver Flame Arena. And the fans were not disappointed as the Birds hung 2 goals on Snub Nose 38 in the first half, and then played dogged defense to keep the score at 2-0. Horace scored the first at 13 minutes, and Secour scored the second goal at 38 minutes.

The famous...well maybe infamous Hooligan cheerleaders were escorted from the game at halftime, however they were not arrested, just deported back to Snub Nose 38. Something about a cheer involving Eagles, bottle rockets...and worms. we can't go into much more detail....decency laws you know.

Regardless, Svecia was upset at home by Halfassedstates allowing the Nest to take the lead again in the group. The Nest fans thought the win was enough to secure a qualification spot, but then after some number crunching, the sports experts realized that in the WORST case scenario, the Nest could still have to be in a playoff.

So here's the table as it is now.


Group 2 Standings
Pos Team P W D L F A GD Pts PP
*1 The Eagles Nest 13 9 2 2 25 12 13 29 32
*2 Svecia 13 8 3 2 28 12 16 27 30
*3 Halfassedstates 13 8 2 3 23 14 9 26 29
4 EL CID THE HERO 13 7 2 4 24 13 11 23 26
5 Snub Nose 38 13 6 2 5 26 23 3 20 23
E Northbank 13 3 3 7 17 28 -11 12 15
E Esth 13 2 1 10 13 32 -19 7 10
E Wapahkoneta 13 1 1 11 13 35 -22 4 7

*Clinched at least a playoff spot.


So the games that matter on MatchDay 14:

The Eagles Nest vs. Halfassedstates
Svecia vs. Snub Nose 38
El Cid the Hero vs. Wapahkoneta

El Cid SHOULD win their match meaning they will eliminate Snub Nose 38.
Svecia will clinch a automatic spot with a win, or a tie and Halfassedstates loss.
The Eagle's Nest will clich an automatic spot with a win or tie, and a loss by less than 4 goals.

The Nest could be in the playoff IF Svecia wins and HAS beats them by more than 4 goals....which no team has ever beaten them by more than 4 goals. HAS can clinch an automatic spot with a win and Svecia loss.

SN38's only chance is a win, an El Cid loss, and a goal differential shift of 9 or more goals.

Tune in tomorrow to see if the Birds can clinch their 6 straight appearance in the World Cup.

What a Game!

Ze Bulliao hat-trick sinks SN38

The first game in the big 3 run in, and the sell-out crowd in the City of Whogivesa Stadium witnessed possibly the best game a Halfassed side have ever played in!

Halfassed had taken the Snub Nose side apart in the first clash between the two and the visitors were out to get revenge.

Just five minutes in, a great move by #7 took him to the byline, and the cross found the on-rushing #9 who beat both Sleet and Fleetfoot to knock the ball home. It was the perfect start for SN38, the home crowd went silent and Snub dominated for the next 20 minutes. Fleetfoot produced a series of stunning saves before the same SN38 player pounced on a slack Peters backpass and doubled the visitors lead.

Twenty minutes gone and things looked bleak. Halfassed finally managed to get a shot on target a couple of minutes later, but Ya's strike lacked the pace to trouble the keeper.

The crowd had to find their voice just before the half-hour mark as White played a 1-2 with David before playing the ball through to Ze Bulliao who hit a first time shot that nestled into the bottom right of the net. 2-1 Snub Nose.

If that roar woke the neighbourhood around the stadium, 90 secs later a few folk may having called the police to complain about the noise! Bowman won the ball at the back and played it to Normandy who quickly passed it beyond the defenders and Ze Bulliao got to the ball ahead of the keeper to grab the equaliser. The stadium erupted as though the team had just made it into the finals themselves! Halfassed begain to dominate play, Ya and David both went close before White hit the post.

Unfortunatly, everything was about to go sour again from a Halfassed point of view. Peters mistimed a challenge on #10 on the edge of the box, the ref, Eckstream, had been letting the game flow but there was no choice bar to book the centre back and award the free-kick. Fleetfoot set-up the wall, but #8 rolled the ball to the side, and #5 blasted the majority of the crowd into silence again.

The second half began as the first half had, with the visitors controlling enough of the play to keep the home crowd subdued. #10 forced Fleetfoot into a smart save, and #9 should have got his hat-trick but hit the side-netting when well placed. A lob from Normandy had the SN keeper worried, but it landed on the roof of the net.

With his side needing a spark of inspiration, Mitchell decided to go for broke and brought on Woods for Gunnett changing to a 3-3-4 line-up. The change encouraged the players and fans and forced SN38 to drop back.

Despite everything, Snub still had the best chance over the next 10 minutes, #9 spinning clear of Sleet and striking a great shot that hit the inside of the post and bounced across the line and clear. "That let-off was exactly the stroke of luck that the side needed" stated Mitchell after the game. Halfassed themselves hit the post a minute later, before the equaliser arrived. This time it was David who got on the end of Normandy's pass and blasted the ball home.

The night wasn't over yet though, Ze Bulliao still wanted to mark it as his own. With just a few minutes left, Ya's shot deflected into the strikers path and he instnatly controlled the ball and placed it beyond the dispairing dive of the keeper. 4-3 Halfassed

MD 12:
Halfassed 4 (Ze Bulliao 28, 30, 87; David 76) {Sleet and Peters booked}
Snub Nose 38 3 (#9 5, 23; #5 43)
Fleetfoot 7; Sleet 6, Peters 5, Bowman 8; Porter 6, Gunnett 6*, Normandy 7 White 8; Ya 7, Ze Bulliao 9, David 8
Sub: Woods (65mins) 6*
Ref: Uvher Eckstream {MEL} 9

The win coupled with Svecia's win over TEN means Halfassed are now within a win of an automatic qualification spot, although with Snub and El Cid only three points behind, a loss could see Halfassed drop to the dreaded 5th place! So don't take anything for granted - remember the last time out anyone?

:
---Group 2----
[1] Svecia 12 8 3 1 27-10 27
[2] The Eagles Nest 12 8 2 2 23-12 26
<3> Halfassedstates 12 7 2 3 21-13 23
<4> El Cid the Hero 12 6 2 4 20-13 20
5- Snub Nose 38 12 6 2 4 26-21 20
6- Northbank 12 2 3 7 14-26 9
7- Esth 12 2 1 9 13-28 7
8- Wapahkoneta 12 1 1 10 11-32 4

Edit: Will get a Svecia report l8r.
TEN - assuming all your figures are right, a HAS 2-0 win would mean we would be level in everything! Would guess then it would be down to the matches between us which would mean I would lose out by a GOAL again 2-3 :'( couldn't happen twice could it?

Jeruselem Government News

Battle with playoff down to last game!

In Group 8, all but 1 top 4 spot was decided. Bedistan have secured 1st position and while Lovisa and Krytenia have 2nd and 3th secured more or less. The contentious 4th position, always to be fought out between Jeruselem and D2R is still up for grabs.

Lovisa and Jeruslem fought out a 1 ALL draw to give Jeruselem a vital point while D2R beat up on the Trojans 4-0. Jeruselem have the bad luck of playing Bedistan in the last game while D2R play cellar dweller the Vorpal Bunnies.

If Jeruselem lose or draw and D2R win, then D2R with it's better goal difference take 4th. Most betting exchanges have placed this as the most like scenario. However, for the last few games the Vorpal Bunnies have improved conceding less goals and managing to score a few along the way. D2R cannot say the bunnies will rollover and play dead.

Bedistan look like the superman of Group 8 with one loss and should beat Jeruselem. However, Lovisa's 1-1 draw shows Jeruselem it not the same team who lost 4-1 last time Lovisa met them. Bedistan won 2-0 last time the teams met and in the game of soccer, there are no certain victories.


Group 8:
Bedistan [1] Krytenia [0]
Lovisa [1] Jeruselem [1]
Dance 2 Revolution [4] Carthage and Troy [0]
Spurland [2] Vorpal Bunnies [1]

---Group 8----
[1] Bedistan 13 11 1 1 38-9 34
[2] Lovisa 13 8 4 1 33-15 28
<3> Krytenia 13 8 2 3 33-12 26
<4> Jeruselem 13 6 3 4 22-23 21
5- Dance 2 Revolution 13 6 1 6 25-23 19
6- Spurland 13 3 3 7 14-24 12
7- Carthage and Troy 13 3 0 10 16-32 9
8- Vorpal Bunnies 13 0 0 13 10-53 0


OOC
Reminds me of WC XIII, had to play top 2 team in last game to qualify! :rolleyes: :headbang:

Melmond To Be In First World Cup!!!!!
Well Not Officially, But Pretty Damn Close to Official
By Zuke O’Kenzie of the O’Connor Times

SPAAM—There is a huge difference between the result of this match and the uberstadions of Spaam. In the uberstadions of Spaam, the grandstands are about as big as say, the Melmond Bowl. However, as the Melmond Bowl sits around 92,000; the uberstadion that we are playing in seats 300,000. Perhaps seats is a bad word to use. Okay then, it compresses 300,000 people in the most uncomfortable place to watch a football match. This may be the most cramped place I have had to watch a football match, but the Melmond National Team has never felt this much breathing room ever with their 2-1 victory over Spaam.
Usually, when one thinks of the Spaamians, people think of a very hard working and talented side who are perennial contenders to be the world champions. However, Spaam has recently suffered a steep dropoff to the point that it is a question mark whether or not they will actually participate in the World Cup. There has been a slight dropoff in talent but a major dropoff in competitive fire for this side. It was the same idea that was always believed by our papers to happen to Europa Brittania, but whenever they were in our group they never went on that decline. They finally made that dive along with the Spaamians as it was their lack of urgency in their play that had them lose to a hurting yet determined Melmond side.
After many mental mistakes by the Melmond attack, the Spaam defence really wasn’t challenged until the 19th minute. Melmond midfielder Jake Cormier thought he had Melmond striker Lave Serna wide open for an easy goal. However, he failed to see the Spaamian defender closing in and eventually making the interception on Cormier’s long pass. The defender made a keen pass to the midfielder. The Melmond defence was caught off guard and struggled mightily to catch up to the pace of the frantic Spaam counterattack. Spaam striker Hasselbank gets the pass from the Spaam midfielder. Melmond goalkeeper Gina Unne was not even close to being ready for Hasselbank’s quick shot. The ball goes right past her as she dives in vain. Spaam takes the 1-nil lead. The Spaamian faithful would stand up and let out a loud roar of happiness, but they are too compressed to move at all and too busy sucking on nearby oxygen match so they do not suffocate.
Well since we gave away the score at the beginning, of course you know that Melmond will come back with the equaliser. That occurred on a corner kick from you know who, Melmond defender and captain Jonsi Torrini. Torrini does his regular corner this time and it was weakly headed away by a Spaam defender. However, Melmond midfielder Jake Cormier trapped the ball with is chest and lets out a kick. It could have been easily saved by the Spaam goalkeeper, but Melmond striker Lave Serna obstructed the Spaam goalkeeper’s view and the ball went basically uncontested into the net. The Melmond footballing faithful would stand up and cheer, but you know why they can’t. Cormier’s striker comes at the 33rd minute. The first half would end with the score 1-1.
The second half was more of a Spaamian erosion due to the mighty tsunami that is the Melmond physical defence. The competitive fire was doused to nothing by the bumps and bruises put on by the Melmond defence. The Spaam side contested for yellow cards, but Soungardia referee Ben McKellan just let them play. The Spaam side seemed tired and uninspired, just defeated by the growing momentum for the Melmond National Team as they still seemed very fresh and energetic. The defensive dam of Spaam would finally erupt around the 68th minute. Melmond midfielder Cristina Antunez was getting closed in on as she was on the corner of the pitch. She then let go of a long and swift pass aiming for Melmond striker Lave Serna to finish and get out of trouble. However, it wasn’t Serna that was going to get the goal, but the other striker for Melmond, Tim Remans who would get the goal. As the ball was in midair, the Spaam defence was double marking Serna, but Tim Remans just ran as fast as he can and flew in the air to make the header which took the Spaam goalkeeper by surprise. Tim Remans’ laceration from the Oaker match opened up again, but it didn’t keep him from smiling ear to ear as Melmond would take the lead for good 2-1 and gets the win in Spaam as they sweep the Spaamians. Remans had to be taken out of the match and replaced by the only other striker Melmond had left on the bench, Jamie Prior. However, there was nothing of importance until the final whistle and hours later, when it was announced that Eauz trounced Oaker, making the goal differential so great between Melmond and Oaker that even if Melmond lost to Eauz and Oaker beat Spaam, it would take a Rejistania-Ravea type result from both Eauz and Oaker for Oaker to take the automatic spot. They celebrated like mad although there was no champagne to be sprayed, that will have to wait in Melmond as the next match will be the last that they will play being known as the Disappointments.

Goals
Hasselbank, SPA 19th
Cormier, MEL 33rd
Remans, MEL 68th

Cards
None

Standings

Other Group 3 Results
Eauz 5 – Oaker 1
The Evil Umpire 2 – Qia 0
Slaikau 1 – Insane Inflation 3

Group 3
Pts W D L GF:GA GD
1. Eauz 31 10 1 2 40:15 25
2. Melmond 26 8 2 3 31:13 18
3. Oaker 23 7 2 4 25:20 5
4. Spaam 20 6 2 5 32:27 5
5. The Evil Umpire 16 5 1 7 19:27 -8
6. Slaikau 15 5 1 7 17:26 -9
7. Insane Inflation 13 4 1 8 19:30 -11
8. Qia 5 1 2 10 15:40 -25

Team Stats
Goals: Tim Remans (9), Ojfssnsj Xrnym (7), Critandi Unne (5), Jamie Prior (2), Alfred Smith (2), Lave Serna (2), Jake Cormier (2), Jonsi Torrini (1), Cristina Antunez (1)
Cards: Charles Unne (2), Trav Strachan (1,1), Jamie Prior (1), Alfred Smith (1), Snhp Xtfuinxm (1), Fwynj Otsjx (1), Ojfssnsj Xrnym (1), Veronica Dean (1), Jake Cormier (1), Jonsi Torrini (1)

Melmond National Team Schedule

v Insane Inflation (Frankndottir Stadium, Acosta) W 3-0
v The Evil Umpire (Vilita) W 3-1
v Slaikau (Microcosm Football Colossuseum, Aldi) T 1-1
@ Qia T 1-1
@ Oaker L 3-1
v Spaam (Melmond Bowl, Melmond City) W 4-1
@ Eauz W 3-0
@ Insane Inflation W 5-0
v The Evil Umpire (Commerce Heights) W 3-0
@ Slaikau W 3-1
v Qia (Bwnlqjd Knjgi, Wzkknfs Hnyd) L 1-0
v Oaker (Feliz-Unne Stadium, Unne) L 3-2
@ Spaam W 2-1
v Eauz (Makinshakes Stadium, O’Connor)

Next Game
vs. Eauz (Makinshakes Stadium, O’Connor)

Well this game probably means more to Eauz than Melmond as Eauz wants vengeance from their embarrassing home loss blowout at the hands of the Melmond National Team 3-nil. Remember that Eauz, we kicked commie ass! Anyway besides that unprofessional note, this will happily be the last match for the Disappointments and their white and loser red as the Fearless Farmers will make their return in their green and white in the World Cup barring an asteroid shaped like voodoo die hitting the NationStates planet. Manager David Bixler wants to get the suspended players warmed up and some frequent starters a rest, especially Tim Remans, who is still recovering from a head laceration. This will annoy Eauz as even if they do win, they won’t be playing against Melmond’s best. That and the fact that they are playing in a stadium named after a corporation.

GK- Snhp Xtfuinxm
D- Veronica Dean
D- Sergio Ortiz
D- Gwen Dumont
D- Kestrel Bluesummers
M- Fwynj Otsjx
M- Pauline Hulme
M- Jake Cormier
M- Peeko Noodleschlausen
F- Ojfssnsj Xrnym
F- Lave Serna

Makinshakes Stadium
Location: O'Connor, Melmond
Seats: 60,217 (Open Air)

The city of O’Connor is Melmond’s fourth largest city. It is the big city hub which is smack dab in the middle of the Melmondian fertile plain. O’Connor is also the heart of the largest industry in Melmond, the book publishing industry. However, it was Melmondian fast food giant Makinshakes who bought the naming rights of this new football-specific stadium. It is a very versatile stadium which can host things from hockey games or a regional favorite like American football. Football is its number one client however as O’Connor Greens of the Melmond Premier League calls the stadium home. This stadium doesn’t have some of the fancy amenities new stadiums like Melmond Bowl and Microcosm Football Colossuseum have, all it has in technology is a jumbotron, but it has a blue-collar beauty to it that the people of O’Connor love to call their own. Of course, having Makinshakes being the sponsor of the stadium, expect good food at the concession stands as well as the famous sandwich of O’Connor, the Big O. It is also said that the city of O’Connor has one of the most beautiful skies In Melmond.

Scene: 8-bit Wakes Up After Being Inadvertently Conked in the Head

8-Bit: Ah, its nice to see that The Evil Umpire has defeated Qia 5-1 and that we are in the hunt to destroy the World Cup.

Loyal Slave: But, master, your excellency, my pimp, we are eliminated.

8-Bit: WHAT!!!!????

Loyal Slave: Yeah, you were out cold for 8 days, and they blew it without your strong support your excellency!

8-Bit: They shouldn't have, boil those tea bags until each match they play!

Loyal Slave 2: There are two men to see you...

8-Bit: Bring them in...this is a national disgrace....

Stars clinch playoff berth, two matches left

The Sarzonian national team played its final home match of group play against seventh place Liechtenistan looking for at least a draw and a loss by fifth place Giant Zucchini to clinch at least a berth in the playoff match for the right to play in the World Cup. The Stars got both, but their part was more of a struggle than they expected, as they barely held on to beat Liechtenistan 3-2.

Forward Anton Gregor scored a hat trick in the second half as the Stars overcame their own malaise and two first half goals by Liechtenistan to send the team to a match against a Group 6 side for the right to advance to the World Cup.

"We still have one match left to play and Starblaydia is still tied with us for the right to host the play-in match," said Coach Bryan Marshall. "I'd rather play in front of our supporters than have to travel, potentially against the world's fifth ranked club."

Liechtenistanian forward Thomas Beck put the Stars on their heels and the visitors on the board first with a laser shot past goalkeeper Troy Perkins in the 22nd minute. Beck then chipped a shot over defender Mike Coyle in the 39th minute to send a stunned and angry Stars side into the locker room down 2-0.

But that just made it Gregor time. He scored just four minutes into the second half to make a competitive match of it, then equalized the match six minutes later.

Gregor scored the match winner in the 78th minute when he stole the ball from defender Christoph Ritter and blasted a shot past goalkeeper Peter Jehle. Liechtenistan tried to apply pressure, but Perkins and company were up to the task and the Stars would live to play another day.

"We can't afford to focus on anything other than the match we're playing," defender Corey Hemby said. "This is not a team that can look past anybody."

Tigers close to qualification

Dushanbe - The last game the Tigers played at home ended in a draw against visitors NASTIC 2. The Tigers started good and Cherniakhovskij scored the first goal in the 28th minute. NASTIC 2 even their score to 1-1 in the 32th minute from a free kick. Harold Messerschmidt, a Pedrianan referee, pulled a yellow card for Gromov when he pulled a Nastician shirt.
During the pause Zhukov decided to bring Vatutin in for Pavlov, in an attempt to play more tradition and strengthen the defense. And indeed NASTIC 2 had trouble getting through. Cherniakhovskij on the other hand, had no problems breaking through Nastician defenses and scored number 2 with power shot in the nets.
Tadjikistan was leading the game and its team was defending excellently, NASTIC 2 came close to a second goal but they were always stopped by Yashin. Until NASTIC got a corner in the 78th minute from which they scored their equalizer.

The draw secures Tadjikistans playoff spot but it was not at all what Zhukov wanted:"A win would have brought use to the third spot with the same amount of points as Lemmitania, the team we're played our next game against. In that game we are going for nothing less than the full 3 points. I'm not going to reveal my team setup yet, but i'm gonna make some changes that i think will help us win." Zhukovs word are very clear, the Tigers are going to Lemmitania to win. But that doesnt mean we will be 2nd, Dennisov can take that spot by winning in Pterodactyl.


Tadjikistan 2 - 2 NASTIC 2
(referee: Harold Messerschmidt[PED])
Goals: Cherniakhovskij 28'(1-0)68'(2-1), <??> 32'(1-1)78' (2-2)

NASTIC 2:
no roster

Tadjikistan:
Yashin, Zhilenkov, Managarov, Gromov, Pliiev, Bagramian, Pavlov(45' Vatutin), Chuikov, Timoshenko, Suvorov, Cherniakhovskij



[1] Total n Utter Insanity 13 10 2 1 28-11 32
[2] Lemmitania 13 7 2 4 31-15 23
<3> Dennisov 13 6 4 3 17-13 22
<4> Tadjikistan 13 6 3 4 28-15 21
5- Kylaai 13 5 2 6 16-20 17
6- NASTIC 2 13 4 4 5 20-18 16
7- Artoonia 13 3 4 6 13-27 13
8- Pterodactyl 13 0 1 12 7-41 1


MD1: Tadjikistan - Kylaai L 1-2
MD2: Artoonia - Tadjikistan W 0-3
MD3: Tadjikistan - Pterodactyl W 4-0
MD4: Dennisov - Tadjikistan L 1-0
MD5: Total n Utter Insanity - Tadjikistan D 2-2
MD6: NASTIC 2 - Tadjikistan W 1-2
MD7: Tadjikistan - Lemmitania L 2-3
MD8: Kylaai - Tadjikistan W 1-3
MD9: Tadjikistan - Artoonia W 6-1
MD10:Pterodactyl - Tadjikistan W 0-2
MD11:Tadjikistan - Dennisov D 1-1
MD12:Tadjikistan - Total n Utter Insanity L 0-1
MD13:Tadjikistan - NASTIC 2 D 2-2
MD14:Lemmitania - Tadjikistan

Those Darn CapitaliZts
4th predicted as Sarzonia play training match

With Starblaydia and Sarzonia level on points after thirteen on the fourteen games played, both Atlantian Oceania nations are fighting it out for the right to play at home. With Group 6 a complete mess, we could be playing almost any of the top five teams, soi we won't even go into that one.

With only the second ever nil-nil draw in Starblaydia's eight years of international football (the previous being against The Weegies in Cup of Harmony 15), Iansisle were prevented from breaking away form Commerce Heights, while Starblaydia were consigned to miss out on the second Automatic Qualification spot, though a Play-off against one of the Group 6 Teams is guaranteed.

As Starblaydia welcome Commerce Heights to the massive 94,000-seater Jader Barbahlo Stadium, Sarzonia will play Pure Evil, sureley one of the easiest matches in the entire Qualifiers, except maybe Ravea or Mikele.

"All we can do is try to beat Commerce Heights," said Ki-Jana Carter, star defensive midfielder, "Our destiny is in our own hands, and the Jader is our house."

The fans, for once, weren't singing about going home in 'a big white aeroplane', the chant against Iansisle in the dying stages was still:

"Qualification? You're Havin' A Laugh!"

Final Score:
Iansisle 0 - 0 Starblaydia
(None) - (None)



Group 9 Results, Matchday 13:
Commerce Heights [2] Giant Zucchini [0]
Iansisle [0] Starblaydia [0]
Sarzonia [3] Liechtenistan [2]
Oceaice [5] Pure Evil [0]

Group 9 Table, Matchday 13:
[Q] Iansisle 13 10 1 2 37-12 31
[Q] Commerce Heights 13 9 3 1 39-14 30
<P> Starblaydia 13 8 2 3 29-13 26
<P> Sarzonia 13 8 2 3 25-14 26
E- Giant Zucchini 13 6 0 7 21-24 18
E- Oceaice 13 3 2 8 18-21 11
E- Liechtenistan 13 2 1 10 16-34 7
E- Pure Evil 13 0 1 12 8-61 1

MD00: .::WC17 Qualifying Schedule :: Starblaydi Stadia::.
MD01: Starblaydia 6-0 Pure Evil
MD02: Sarzonia 2-1 Starblaydia
MD03: Starblaydia 3-0 Oceaice
MD04: Liechtenistan 0-1 Starblaydia
MD05: Giant Zucchini 1-3 Starblaydia
MD06: Starblaydia 2-3 Iansisle
MD07: Commerce Heights 3-3 Starblaydia
MD08: Pure Evil 1-4 Starblaydia
MD09: Starblaydia 1-2 Sarzonia
MD10: Oceaice 1-2 Starblaydia
MD11: Starblaydia 2-1 Liechtenistan
MD12: Starblaydia 1-0 Giant Zucchini
MD13: Iansisle 0-0 Starblaydia
NEXT: Starblaydia Vs Commerce Heights @ Jader Barbahlo Stadium, Jhanna (94,000 Capacity, Jhanna City)

Starblaydia Goal Tally:
Player Goals Total Goals
-------------------------------------
S. Di Bradini 8 21
E. Hall 6 15
A. Ol-wairain 4 9
J.J. Stark 3 5
R. Di Bradini 2 4
S. Haldorsson 1 8
K. Robertson 1 3
C. Salisbury 1 3
M. Tissot 2 4
S. Hill 1 2
V. Tsarev 1 2

'Bill Street Blues
'slaves looking for a miracle final roundAudioslavia
----------------------------------------------
| 1 |
| Fenwick |
| 2 4 20 6 |
| Pearce Romanov Johnstone O`Rourke |
| |
| 18 8 |
| Tessem Tanner |
| 7 11 |
| Johansen 14 Jaynes |
| Marriot |
| |
| 9 |
| Bracken |
----------------------------------------------
| 11 |
| Stone 19 |
| Stubbings |
| 17 |
| Axewielder |
| 8 16 |
| Underwood 15 Hammerhock |
| Howard |
| |
| 18 14 4 2 |
|Walker Spearthrower Fearinciter Hammerfighter|
| |
| 13 |
| Havell |
----------------------------------------------
Cockbill Street

A drab 1-1 draw in the Soundgardia National Arena saw Audioslavia's hopes of automatic qualification all but disappear.

Cockbill Street's wingers and wingbacks succeeded where last time they failed in the 5-2 drubbing from the two side's first meeting. Johansen, Marriot and Jaynes enjoying none of the freedom they had in that game and as they sought to make an impact down the wings they left the centre open.

It was from this position that Cockbill Street opened the scoring, Howard recieving the ball from Walker after a Johansen run ran into trouble. Howard flicked the ball on to Axewielder who, from fully twenty-seven yards out, lashed a shot at Fenwick with horrific speed. Fenwick only succeeded in parrying the ball out with his wrists only for Rikki Stone to be the first to the ball ahead of Romanov and finish into the gaping net.

'slavia were 1-0 down after just forty minutes in a match where only a win would give them a realistic chance of automatic qualification.

The 'slaves went on the offensive after the break but the Street werent having any of it, defending resoloutely and counter-attacking whenever possible. Stone and Stubbings went close, as did Bracken at the other end, but it was Alexander Marriot who equalised for Audioslavia in the eighty-fourth minute, getting his head to a high, searching ball from Tessem and saving AS's asses.

FINAL SCORE
AUDIOSLAVIA 1 (Marriot 84)
COCKBILL STREET 1 (Stone 40)

---Group 4----
[1] Squornshelous 13 9 3 1 30-10 30
[2] Cockbill Street 13 9 1 3 27-14 28
<3> Audioslavia 13 7 4 2 25-14 25
<4> The Weegies 13 5 3 5 18-13 18
5- Isles Of Wohlstand 13 3 3 7 15-22 12
6- Big Pimento 13 2 5 6 14-24 11
7- Ebon Hawk 13 3 2 8 12-28 11
8- Magnus Valerius 13 3 1 9 8-24 10

The draw means Squornshelous have definately made it through to the finals, although they arent guaranteed top spot, the side needing to avoid defeat against Cockbill Street next week.

Should Cockbill Street get a point, they'll go through in second position for sure, no matter what Audioslavia do to The Weegies on saturday.

For Audioslavia to go through as an automatic qualifier, they desperately need Squornshelous to beat Cockbill Street, and to defeat The Weegies, although if both Audioslavia and Squornshelous win one-nil, Audioslavia will be out on goal-difference. That is of course, unless they can win 3-2 in which case they'll go through on goals scored. A 2-1 win for Audioslavia, coupled with a 1-0 win for Squornshelous, will still mean progression for the Street by means on having won more games.

In the other matches in group 4, Big Pimento continued their run of fine form defeating now-not-so-dangerous Ebon Hawk 3-2 away, whilst Isles of Wohlstand crept up to fifth place with a 1-0 away win over Magnus Valerius. Although neither of these sides can get into the playoff places, all of them will be looking to avoid the 'wooden spoon' award.

Ive been Jeremy Jaffacake, g'nite bitches

Le LIBRE

Offence heating up at the Right Time

Match Day 13 was day Les Bleus were expected to clinch 1st place and get a playoff position for World Cup XVII. Up against Oaker, Les Bleus knew that this time around, things had to change. Les Bleus were coming into the match in Zuka riding a 5 game winning streak. They have also exploded with offence in these past 5 matches, scoring 19 goals and only giving up 4 giving them a goal difference of +15. Eauz fans were lining up at the gates early to watch this match. They wanted to see Les Bleus completely obliterate Oaker, as the Last time these two teams met, they tied 2 – 2. Fans also wanted to watch the match that Les Bleus clinch 1st place in Group 3. At the other side of the building, Oaker fans were wearing their game jerseys and holding up their teams scarves and signs. As for the referees, Julian Sturmdrang from Starblaydia and his team were to referee the match. According to NS referee reports, Sturmdrang is a hard nose when it comes to strictness and is average at best when it comes to fairness.

The whistle blew, and the match was underway. Les Bleus were ready to fight early, as they brought the ball up the field to the Oaker zone. Eauz officials didn’t know which players were which, so they just labelled them by their number, for each player’s last name was Oaker. Oaker #4 attacked Vasser who was bringing the ball up, knocking Vasser over. Not even 5 minutes into the match, and the referee blew the whistle and warned #4. A free kick was taken, as Henri in fact passed it to Alia on the side. Alia tried to take it in for the attack, but was stopped by the Oaker defence. A strong tackle by Gabrielle D'Aubigne though reclaimed possession of the ball for Les Bleus. Rousseau took the ball and let a shot go, which was deflected by an Oaker player. It went to the right side, and into the possession of Henri who saw the chance for an open net, putting it in at the 8th minute of play. For Oaker, it was a heart breaker to let Les Bleus go ahead early, as the Eauz fans would get into the match. Eauz fans started cheering and screaming at the goal. A loud chanting of “OooooooooaKerrrrrrrr” went on for at least 5 minutes of the match. Finding new life, Les Bleus defence prevented an Oaker attack from producing at mid-field, as the ball was kicked loose, being reclaimed by an Eauz player. Éric Godenot brought the ball up letting go of a long pass to Gabrielle D’Aubigne who found her way towards the net. She let a shot go, just before being tripped up by an Oaker player. The ball went to top right corner giving Les Bleus a 2 – 0 lead at the 20th minute of play. Gabrielle went over to the referee in protest of a no call on the attack after her kick. The referee would have none of it and awarded her a yellow card for complaining over a call. Nonetheless Les Bleus were once again controlling the match as they did in the Spaam match. Players and fans were happy that they could get some revenge on these teams who beat them or tied them. Keeping control of the match, Les Bleus offence continued to be on fire, as during the 37th minute of play, Alia was in front of the net, and received a pass in the air. He battled the Oaker players, and headed the ball towards the goal. The ball was curved towards the post, and it looked as if it would miss. The ball though did go in, fooling the keeper who was stunned with no reaction at all. Les Bleus went up 3 – 0 early in the match. The Oaker offence though did get a little something going at the end of the first half during a corner kick, the kick was taken going towards the group of players. Michël Thorain headed it out of the way, but it was picked up by an Oaker player who let go of a monster kick, sailing at probably 1000 kilometres per hour into the net. Eauz fans were stunned by the shot as Rousoi was left in the dust as he attempted to dive for the shot. Despite this attack, Eauz fans were sure that the way their team has been playing lately, that their team will come out on top. Heading into the break, Les Bleus were up 3 – 1 and not looking to slow down.

With the combination of a loud crowd and the frustration mounting for Oaker, they didn’t seem to be able to get back into that spirit that they had 5 minutes before the first half ended when they scored that goal. In the second half, just like the first, Les Bleus were once again dominating the match, with a lot of help from the fans. The powerful juggernaut of Eauz offence would not give up as during the 47th minute of play, they crushed the hearts and spirit of Oaker fans by notching their 4th goal of the match with Alia getting through the weakened defence. Alia was almost unchallenged as he kicked the ball to the left, as the keeper went to the right. Les Bleus went up 4 – 1. Eauz fans were already celebrating the victory, even though the match was only at the 47th minute of play. They all knew that their team had clinched 1st place in Group 3 and also a place in World Cup XVII. During the 70th minute of play, Henri was pushed down in the penalty zone, and the referee raised the flag awarding a yellow card to Oaker player #30 and a penalty kick for Les Bleus. Alia took the shot notching his 3rd goal of the match. Eauz fans were still celebrating and knew that this was the backbreaker for Oaker fans and their team. Though, Oaker wouldn’t go away without a final fight, as during the 82nd minute of play, Oaker was on one of their few serious attacks. A shot was taken, knocking off of the post and back into play. Oaker players fought for the ball and reclaimed it. A strong shot was taken, but an amazing save by Rousoi who hung onto the ball. Oaker put on a few more attacks, but it was not enough, as Les Bleus finished off Oaker by a final score of 5 – 1. The victory gives Les Bleus the respect they deserved after tying the match against Oaker the last time 2 – 2. It also clinched Les Bleus another 1st place position and a spot in World Cup XVII. Les Bleus site atop Group 3 with 31 points, 5 points ahead of the next team.

As for the rest of Group 3, only 3 teams are left to determine the position they finish. It appears though that Melmond will advance automaticly in 2nd place, baring any horrible loss and an amazing victory by Oaker. If Oaker is to have any chance at auto-qualifying, Melmond will have to lose their next match by a score of 8 or more goals, and Oaker will have to win their next match by a score of 6 or more goals. Thus it seems almost out of the question that Oaker will finish 2nd. The next match for Les Bleus will come against Melmond. The match won’t be as hyped as it was supposed to, mainly because both teams are going to rest most of their starters. For Les Bleus, they would love to get revenge on Melmond, but would rather their team be in top shape going into the World Cup. This means, André Bedeau will get his chance in goal in place of Rousoi.

World Cup Finalist
Guaranteed Playoff
Eliminated


---Group 3----
[1] Eauz 13 10 1 2 40-15 31
[2] Melmond 13 8 2 3 31-13 26
<3> Oaker 13 7 2 4 25-20 23
<4> Spaam 13 6 2 5 32-27 20
5- The Evil Umpire 13 5 1 7 19-27 16
6- Slaikau 13 5 1 7 17-26 16
7- Insane Inflation 13 4 1 8 19-30 13
8- Qia 13 1 2 10 15-40 5


Schedule

Match Day 1: The Evil Umpire @ Eauz W 0 – 3
Match Day 2: Eauz @ Slaikau W 2 – 0
Match Day 3: Qia @ Eauz W 1 – 4
Match Day 4: Eauz @ Insane Inflation W 4 – 2
Match Day 5: Spaam @ Eauz L 2 – 1
Match Day 6: Eauz @ Oaker T 2 – 2
Match Day 7: Melmond @ Eauz L 3 – 0
Match Day 8: Eauz @ The Evil Umpire W 5 – 0
Match Day 9: Slaikau @ Eauz W 1 – 2
Match Day 10: Eauz @ Qia W 4 – 1
Match Day 11: Insane Inflation @ Eauz W 1 – 3
Match Day 12: Eauz @ Spaam W 5 – 1
Match Day 13: Oaker @ Eauz W 1 – 5
Match Day 14: Eauz @ Melmond

Stars in rematch with Pure Evil

The Sarzonian national team is in the final stages of preparations for the final match of the group stage with the team possibly being distracted by the goings on in Group 6, with the results of this match determining whether the Stars would play away to the Group Six third place side or host the Group Six fourth place team at Hendrix Stadium in Woodstock.

But Coach Bryan Marshall is warning the team against taking last place Pure Evil lightly.

"This is a team that lost to Pedriana in the AOCAF tournament," Marshall said. "The last thing we can afford to do is play like we've got other things in mind."

Unlike the previous match at home to Pure Evil, goalkeeper Troy Perkins is slated to start the match instead of reserve goalkeeper Kerry Tanner.

"We didn't play our best football with Kerry in there," assistant coach Dave Owens said. "Not to blame him for our play, but we seem to lose a little bit of focus in there with Kerry playing. Troy seems to be able to force the team to play better."

"I don't know if you can attribute it to anything," Perkins said when asked about the team's focus with him in goal. "I'm a little more vocal than Kerry is, but I don't know if that has anything to do with it."

Marshall said the team would stay with its starting 11 of the last few matches, but defender William Jackson was given "serious consideration" to join the starting lineup.

"We need to get him some minutes and give him a chance to get in game fitness," Marshall said. "But we've been playing real well with the starting 11 we've had and it's going to be hard to make a change."

Third place Starblaydia, just ahead of the Stars in goal differential, will play Commerce Heights in a home match, but midfielder and team captain Bobby Convey said the team wouldn't be scoreboard watching.

"We've got our own match to play," Convey said. "Whatever happens there happens."

The Bedistan Sports Digest

Do the Dozen
Lions qualify for 6th consecutive Cup, 12th overall

COLUMBIA -- After a disappointing 1-1 draw with Lovisa on matchday 12, Bedistan hosted Krytenia in a match where all the Lions had to do was not lose in order to secure their spot in the finals. They did one better, coming away with a 1-0 win over Krytenia to make up for the earlier 1-0 loss.

This gives Bedistan a six-point lead over second-place Lovisa and not only secures qualification, but causes the Lions to win Group 8 as well. This will make Bedistan's twelfth trip to the World Cup Finals in their 49-year history and ties the national record for most consecutive appearances at six.

The Krytenia match itself was pretty uneventful, with the ball staying in midfield most of the time. Referee Bahrom Segradov of Tadjikistan really didn't have much work to do, as nothing really happened that was worthy of being called with the exception of two offside violations, which he did properly call. Jackson Reinhardt scored the lone goal half an hour in.

The final match of World Cup qualifying is against Jeruselem. This is of absolutely no importance for the Lions apart from pride purposes (heh, get it? no? never mind), but it could determine whether Jeruselem or D2R get fourth position and the accompanying playoff slot.

Final score:
Bedistan 1 (Reinhardt 30)
Krytenia 0

No loss against a Red Dot

One Red Dot reminds many Orange-Blue fans, especially the older ones, of World Cup 11. That was the time, when the Orange-Blues started playing for qualification instead of against early elimination. One Red Dot was the opponent on the last matchday and the Orange-Blues scraped a draw at home and lost in the country of One Red Dot. This time, things were different. The match among the Red Dots ended with a 2:0 win for LaxTa's team. And the match yesterday in the Sen-La-Sa~o Relekhati Stadium ended with another solid win, this time 3:1. The Red Dots were a minority among the fans, since Orange and Blue were the prevailing colors.

Referee in this match was the Pedriani Harold Messerschmidt. This caused a certain controversy before the match since others said the WCC could as well have appointed a Red Dot, but in the match, he was surprisingly fair. We can only expect that he was tired of refereeing matches like Adrasuvare vs Kerla and wanted to prove that he is ready for the top matches.

The Orange-Blues had the better start in this match but could not profit from their higher percentages of ball possesion. The few chances of the Red Dots were dangerous, but fortunately, the rejistanian defense could handle them. Especially Sasijilvenku "Sasi" Dikelesinivetisaru had a good day. The Orange-Blues took the lead in the 40th minute when an attack was cleared but led to a corner kick. Hsenu Kira shot the ball and Hiki Suny headed it past the Red Dot goalie.

In the second half, the Orange-Blues extended the lead when SyMji outsmarted the defender trying to mark him and shot the ball into the lower right corner of the goal. The score was 2:0. Only 3 minutes later, a Red Dot attack was successful. Later TV pictures showed that one Red Dot was in an offside position, but despite that, the goal was counted. The roange-Blues did not fall back into a System Karela to secure the lead. Their continued attacks caused chances and in the 74th minutes, led to the 3:1. Tatsukashi fouled Nxeni Venu as last possiblitiy to prevent the goal, Messerschmidt decided for free-kick. Dikelesinivetisaru'he and SyMji were in position to shoot, Sasi feinted the defenders and SyMji archieved the 3:1. The Red Dots had some chances later in the match, but no 100% chances. The match ended 3:1.

The result:
Rejistania 3 (Suny 40th, Lyku 56th 74th)
One Red Dot 1 (Takamoto 59th)

Referee: Harold Messerschmidt (Pedriana) KaMaRi Update rating: 4

Halfassed throw group wide open!

Another player off as Halfassed survive late contraversy

After the amazing game against Snub Nose, the Halfassed side headed to Svecia in good spirits, but aware that there was still plenty to do.
With ECtH and SN38 just 3 points behind, a play-off spot was still not guaranteed.
So up came a trip to group topping Svecia, who knew a win would ensure their place in the finals.

The previous meeting between the two sides had been a bruising encounter, and the early stages of this game indicated that things were not going to change too much! Referee, Samara was fairly lenient, letting off a couple of players on each side with a stern word rather than a yellow card.
The first worthwhile effort of the game fell to Simao, but Fleetfoot was able to punch the shot round the post. Halfassed's reply was swift, Normandy getting past Forsch, but Ya was only able to head his cross straight into the arms of van Meer.
The break through came just after the mid-point of the first-half. Normandy was again the catalyst for Halfassed, getting on to Bowman's pass and making the by-line before cutting the ball back to the penalty spot where David beat Glock and hit the ball beyond van Meer.
Just before the break, Samara finally had to produce the yellow card.
White's late tackle on Kliever prompting a furious reaction from Svensson.
White had been sent-off in the first meeting of the sides for two hefty challenges on Svensson and the Svecia player had clearly had enough. When the dust settled, White was booked for the challenge, with Svensson and Halfassed's Porter booked for their reactions afterwards.
It was the last action of the half, and the ref spent a couple of minutes with each side during the break asking for a bit more control from the players.

The chat must have distracted the Svecia players, because straight from the kick-off, Halfassed attacked, and only a last ditch tackle from Larsson stopped Ze Bulliao from having a clear run on goal.
The warning wasn't heeded by the Svecia defense however, as just a minute later, Ya broke clear and before Larsson could come to rescue for the second time, Ya struck a shot that slipped just inside van Meer's left-hand post.
So suddenly Halfassed found themselves in the position of being 2-0 up in a must win game. Should they continue with the game plan, or defend the lead?
Mitchell decided to defend the lead, taking off Ze Bulliao and bringing on Smithers. While this took the pressure off the Svecia defense, it did give Halfassed a spare man at the back. Smithers proved his worth after just five minutes on the park, forcing Belagt to shoot early and off-balance after a slip by Peters.
Belagt did get the breakthrough for Svecia soon afterwards. Svensson played the ball perfectly in behind Peters and the Svecian striker got to the ball before Smithers could react to it. 1-on-1 Belagt made no mistake rounding the advancing Fleetfoot and rolling the ball home.
Now the game was on again, the crowd's euthiasism encouraged the home side, and the Halfassed defense began to feel the strain. Fleetfoot reacted brilliantly to smother a Simao drive that Sleet deflected. Bowman blocked a Belagt shot and the same player had to clear off the line after Svensson chipped Fleetfoot.
Slowly Svecia were taking total control and Mitchell decided to further bolster the defence, introducing Murdoch for David in the last quarter. It worked for a few minutes, as the Svecian side struggled to get into the final third. Then a Halfassed corner led to the final piece of contraversy.
Larsson headed clear, and Svensson flicked the ball through for Simao to chase. The striker charged towards the box with Peters and Bell giving chase. Just on the edge of the penalty area, the three players collided and went down in a heap.
The crowd roared for the penatly, but Samara looked at his assistant before gving a free-kick just outside the box. Peters was the player charged with committing the foul and received his marching orders.
When the melee had died down, Fleetfoot line-up his wall and Belagt his kick. It was the keeper who got his angles right, the free-kick clipping the top of the wall and bouncing away for a corner. The corner was punched clear by Fleetfoot, and when Ya hacked the ball deep into the crowd, the final whistle blew to give Halfassed the points.

MD 13:
Svecia 1 (Belagt 65) {Svensson booked}
Halfassed 2 (David 23; Ya 48) {Porter and White booked; Peters sent-off - professional foul}
Fleetfoot 9; Sleet 7, Peters 6, Bowman 8; Bell 7, White 7, Porter 6, Normandy 8; Ya 8, Ze Bulliao 7*, David 8**
Subs: Smithers (50mins) 7*; Murdoch (75mins) 6**
Ref: Valamit Samara {TUR} 6

With TEN defeating SN38 and ECtH destroying Esth, the top three sides are now all guaranteed at least a play-off spot.
However, there are numerous permutations over what could happen.
The final round of fixtures sees the following,
HAS v TEN
SVE v SN38
WAP v ECtH


---Group 2----
[1] The Eagles Nest 13 9 2 2 25-12 29
[2] Svecia 13 8 3 2 28-12 27
<3> Halfassedstates 13 8 2 3 23-14 26
<4> El Cid the Hero 13 7 2 4 24-13 23
5- Snub Nose 38 13 6 2 5 26-23 20
6- Northbank 13 3 3 7 17-28 12
7- Esth 13 2 1 10 13-32 7
8- Wapahkoneta 13 1 1 11 13-35 4

If TEN and SVE win they will qualify by right. If that happens and ECtH also win (as would seem likly) then Halfassed would finish 4th and face either Audioslavia or Cockbill Street in the play-off's
If HAS and TEN draw, then SVE and TEN would again go through but Halfassed would finish 3rd and face slightly easier challenge of The Weegies in the play-offs.
If HAS actually win - then it gets confusing! A win of better than two goals would give Halfassed a place in the finals. Two goals or less and TEN would remain ahead of HAS on GD and only a slip-up by SVE against SN38 would allow HAS to qualify without going to the play-off route!

EL CID NEWS.
NEWS YOU CAN USE.

sports news

THEY THINK ITS ALL OVER

El Cid the Hero 4 ( Keisl 3, 59, 68 Trotter 27)
Esth 0

The lions are now in 4th place with only one game to play, and that game is against a team they beat 5-1 in the first game week.

it could hardly be a better time to be Panaglotis Keisl. With him sezing on a chance in the first few mins to give the home side the advatage.

Barry Trotter added to his tornement tally half way through the first half with a cross from Nevile to cement him as one of El Cids greats. The rest of the match however was all about Keisl.

In the second half the lions seemed to monopalise on the ball giveing Esth a hard time in both attack and midfeld. The only problem El cid had with shoting was counting how many they got off. and to form Keisl got a goal in the 59 min to give The lions a 3-0 lead.

Desprat for his hat-trick Keisl keped the presser on and in the 68 min his wish was granted. Dumeing the defence and charging onto goal to blast it past the keeper.

"i was in a good place today" said Keisl "both mentaly and littuary"

"he played well," said Chris Skinner "and in my view earned his hat-trick"

The rest of the game was a formality with Esth not geting many shots on goal and the lions escaping the match with their defence not penatrated.

with only one game left it is now imposable for the lions to get automatic qualafecation. but the play-off look a cert.

keep reading to find out were the lions end up.

Matchday 1:The Eagles Nest v El Cid the Hero W 0-1
Matchday 2:El Cid the Hero v HalfassedstatesW 2-0
Matchday 3:Snub Nose 38 v El Cid the Hero L 3-1
Matchday 4:El Cid the Hero v Svecia L 1-2
Matchday 5:El Cid the Hero v Northbank W 2-1
Matchday 6:Esth v El Cid the Hero W 0-2
Matchday 7:El Cid the Hero v WapahkonetaW 5-1
Matchday 8:El Cid the Hero v The Eagles Nest L 1-2
Matchday 9:Halfassedstates v El Cid the Hero D 0-0
Matchday 10:El Cid the Hero v Snub Nose 38 L 1-2
Matchday 11:Svecia v El Cid the Hero D 1-1
Matchday 12:Northbank v El Cid the HeroW 1-3
Matchday 13:El Cid the Hero v EsthW 4-1
Matchday 14:Wapahkoneta v El Cid the Hero

---Group 2----
[1] The Eagles Nest 13 9 2 2 25-12 29
[2] Svecia 13 8 3 2 28-12 27
<3> Halfassedstates 13 8 2 3 23-14 26
<4> El Cid the Hero 13 7 2 4 24-13 23
5- Snub Nose 38 13 6 2 5 26-23 20
6- Northbank 13 3 3 7 17-28 12
7- Esth 13 2 1 10 13-32 7
8- Wapahkoneta 13 1 1 11 13-35 4


ps : occ thanks for being so undrestanding about my number of spelling mastakes. i will most certanly RP in the futher

PPS : kingford is excludid from this list

The Reichsmarkia Times
Price: hopefully less than 2000 trillion TIY

Trillionaires trash Slaikau
The Trillionaires played their first really good match, a match which they did not only won, but where they totally and completely outplayed the Slanikau opponents. Despite not too much support from the fans (only 5 fans could afford to travel to Slaikau), they outnumbered the sla supporters.

T.I. Yen started the scoring in the 4th minute. Mark Gayle could only look beind himself, since he could but react, let alone parry the quick and unexpected shot. The situation was so clear that capitaliZts referee Idio T. Bought could find no reason to declare the goal invalid. Later, he showed that he did much to earn his rating as very unfair referee by clearly preferring the Slais. He refused 5 clear Insanian goals for strange reasons and booked T.I. Yen and Lirasi Türkmen. A penalty shot for no apparent reason caused the equalizer for Slanikau in the 44th minute. During half time, coach Ludwig Erhardt talked to him privately. After that, Bought ran off with two suitcases with unknown contents. When he returned and the second half started, suddently the referee preferred the Trillionaires in his decisions. When the Slais realized that, they played highly defensive soccer. Despite that, T.I. Yen and H. Series scored one goal. The Slai were seriously outplayed and only their System Karela prevented a higher loss. Erharst refused to say what exactly was in the suitcases. Experts don't believe that Idio T. Bought sank low enough to accept TIY as bribe.

The result:
Slaikau 1 (Ashby 44th)
Insane Inflation 3 (Yen 4th 58th, Series 79th)

The Starlets have only one win ever in qualification for the World Cup (Gulf States- victim XVII) and 2 draws at this point (1 in XVI, 1 in XVII). The Starlets have ran through a total of 5 managers in the last two cups alone, 2 mostly different national rosters, a few stadiums and a lot of decals on the uniforms in the less than 6 months of competion. This world cup campaign was a complete disaster from the beginning. Adrasuvare's challenge should end better than before.

Matchday 14 Scores Posted:

SCORES THREAD (http://forums2.jolt.co.uk/showthread.php?t=356281)

If you have finished 3rd or 4th in your group, You will play in a qualifier. Matchups for the Qualifiers will be posted in the Discussion thread, the link is in the first post. The Qualifiers will be played on Thursday Night (September 30th), following the completion of the Under 21 Group Stage.

WTF?!!
Squornshelous swept by Cockbill Street to finish second
After going 6-0-1 in the first seven games of qualifying, The Pschychoes wrapped up what could only be called a letdown 2-0 in Cockbill Street. This loss sent Squornshelous to 3-3-1 for games 8-14. This kind of letdown is best described in the words of Squornshelous' own Jorge the Amazing Talking Psychic Monkey, "This is a bunch of crap, I'm going to burn this deck of tarot cards." We can only hope that Squornshelous is not drawn with Cockbill Street in the next round of competition.

Final Score:
Squornshelous 0-2 Cockbill Street

Squornshelous' Scorers:
Raskolnikov: 13
Puente: 7
Keiths: 6
Arnesson: 2
Hicks: 1
Castillan: 1

Squornshelous' Qualifying Schedule:
Wins Losses Draws
MD01: Squornshelous 6-1 Ebon Hawk
MD02: Isles of Wohlstand 1-3 Squornshelous
MD03: Squornshelous 2-0 Big Pimento
MD04: Magnus Valerius 1-3 Squornshelous
MD05: Audioslavia 1-4 Squornshelous
MD06: The Weegies 1-3 Squornshelous
MD07:Squornshelous 0-1 Cockbill Street
MD08: Ebon Hawk 0-2 Squornshelous
MD09: Squornshelous 3-1 Isles of Wohlstand
MD10: Big Pimento 1-1 Squornshelous
MD11: Squornshelous 2-1 Magunus Valerius
MD12: Squornshelous 0-0 Audioslavia
MD13: Squornshelous 1-1 The Weegies
MD14: Cockbill Street 2-0 Squornshelous

Stars 'win ugly', await Europa Brittania

The Sarzonian national team played its final match of the World Cup group qualifying stage with a final match against one of World Cup 17's worst sides while Starblaydia was facing Commerce Heights in a tough match with third place and a hosting bid in the World Cup play-in match on the line. The Stars took care of their part of the bargin, winning 4-2 away to Pure Evil.

Despite the win, Stars Coach Bryan Marshall was disappointed with the team's effort, as Pure Evil tied its record for most goals scored in a match (2, set in Matchday Six against Oceaice) and the Stars didn't put the match away until the 88th minute with a Brian Wilson goal.

"We can't sleepwalk out there like we did tonight and expect to win against Europa Brittania," Marshall fumed in the postmatch press conference. "That was just plain ugly."

Despite a match which observers in Starblaydia likened to a "training session," Pure Evil actually took the lead when defender Lance Alcina slipped while marking Pure Evil's withdrawn forward. He surprised the Stars defense by shooting, and the ball ducked in under the crossbar to put the Stars behind in the 23rd minute.

"We lost concentration," defender Corey Hemby said. "There's no excuse for that."

Pure Evil also caught a break when Alcina was called for a deliberate handball in the 48th minute. Tadjikistanian referee Sergeit Ivanov dealt the Stars defense a major blow by red carding Alcina and forcing the Stars to play a man down the remainder of the match. The goal by the Pure Evil striker gave the hapless underdogs a 2-0 lead 48 minutes in.

Before the Stars could react in shock, defender William Jackson came in as a subsitute for midfielder and team captain Bobby Convey, meaning that 21 year old forward Brian Wilson would wear the captain's armband. No sooner than the youthful son of assistant coach Dave Wilson had the armband around his right arm did he seize control of the team.

"Do your [expletive] jobs," Wilson screamed at his teammates during a dead ball situation. He then took it on himself to bring his club back, stealing the ball from the Pure Evil defensive midfielder and firing a shot past the goalkeeper to put the Stars on the board in the 66th minute. Two minutes later, Wilson fed midfielder Darwin Russell for the equalizer.

Defender Emacio atoned for a defensive blunder that led to Alcina's red card by heading the ball past the goalkeeper in the 71st minute on a corner kick by Russell, then Wilson's goal put the match out of reach for Pure Evil.

"We have to play a hell of a lot better than that," Wilson said after the match. "Especially with the fifth ranked team in the world coming to Hendrix Stadium, we need to play our best football. We can't afford to let up like we did here."

Tigers win, but not qualified yet

Dushanbe - The last game of the Tigers, played in Lemmitania, could bring them to one of the qualifying spots. Ans they almost got there after an uninspiring 0-1 in Lemmiotania, chances were scarse and the only goal was made by Gromov. Who for once didnt involve a referee in his game, he was considered the best tiger on the field.
Zhukov wanted to win through the use of a more traditional style and he surprise everyone by using some of his youngest players in the team "These boys are the future of Tadjik football, they've done great in our league and its time to introduce them to the world and give them the opportunity to gain some experience". The young team did a good job but their lack of experience on this level was evident as they could not impress their opponents.

But the Tigers won and jumped over Lemmitania in the group, they were almost qualified until the Pterodactyl - Dennisov score came in. A 1-4 was more than enough for Dennisov to take the second position and push the Tigers back to 3rd and playoffs.

In those playoffs the Tigers will meet Spaam at home, it will be the game of the truth. The game the Tigers will have to win to get their qualification ticket. Spaam is abit stronger then Tadjikistan, ranked 16th on the World Ranking List but they were beaten by Melmond[42] and Oaker[33]. Zhukovs saw the odds and Spaams record but he wasnt so shure of qualification "They didnt do so good in their group, but that doesnt mean we're going to walk over them. Expect a though match, both teams have an equal chance of winning. We have our fans as 12th man, and we'll need that home advantage if we want win."


Lemmitania 0 - 1 Tadjikistan
(referee: Wilson Moore[TIP])
Goals:Gromov 44'(0-1)

Lemmitania:
no roster

Tadjikistan:
Yashin, Kuznetsov, Kirponos, Gromov, Pliiev, Bagramian, Pavlov, Fedorenko, Timoshenko, Suvorov, Cherniakhovskij


[1] Total n Utter Insanity 14 10 3 1 28-11 33
[2] Dennisov 14 7 4 3 21-14 25
<3> Tadjikistan 14 7 3 4 29-15 24
<4> Lemmitania 14 7 2 5 31-16 23
5- Kylaai 14 5 3 6 17-21 18
6- NASTIC 2 14 4 5 5 20-18 17
7- Artoonia 14 3 5 6 14-28 14
8- Pterodactyl 14 0 1 13 8-45 1


MD1: Tadjikistan - Kylaai L 1-2
MD2: Artoonia - Tadjikistan W 0-3
MD3: Tadjikistan - Pterodactyl W 4-0
MD4: Dennisov - Tadjikistan L 1-0
MD5: Total n Utter Insanity - Tadjikistan D 2-2
MD6: NASTIC 2 - Tadjikistan W 1-2
MD7: Tadjikistan - Lemmitania L 2-3
MD8: Kylaai - Tadjikistan W 1-3
MD9: Tadjikistan - Artoonia W 6-1
MD10:Pterodactyl - Tadjikistan W 0-2
MD11:Tadjikistan - Dennisov D 1-1
MD12:Tadjikistan - Total n Utter Insanity L 0-1
MD13:Tadjikistan - NASTIC 2 D 2-2
MD14:Lemmitania - Tadjikistan W 0-1

Jeruselem Government News

Lions roar as D2R make playoffs

Bedistan, undisputed group leader of Group beat Jeruselem 4-0 to give Dance 2 Revolution 4th position when it won beating Carthage and Troy 4-0. This was a repeat of World Cup XIII, when Jeruselem lost the last game 2-0 to lose 4th spot when it played the top team of the Group 8. While World Cup XIII and XVII were Jeruselem's best chance to quality or make a playoff, it all fell apart in the last game.

The Jeruselem knew it was all mission impossible then Bedistan scored the first goal, it was all over as D2R was playing the Vorpal bunnies who had lost ALL their games. Bedistan had only one loss and were simply brilliant on the day.


Jeruselem [0] Bedistan [4]
Krytenia [3] Lovisa [2]
Vorpal Bunnies [0] Dance 2 Revolution [4]
Carthage and Troy [3] Spurland [1]

---Group 8----
[1] Bedistan 14 12 1 1 42-9 37
[2] Krytenia 14 9 2 3 36-14 29
<3> Lovisa 14 8 4 2 35-18 28
<4> Dance 2 Revolution 14 7 1 6 29-23 22
5- Jeruselem 14 6 3 5 22-27 21
6- Spurland 14 3 3 8 15-27 12
7- Carthage and Troy 14 4 0 10 19-33 12
8- Vorpal Bunnies 14 0 0 14 10-57 0


OOC

!@#$%^&*

One Shot for the World Cup
12th-Ranked Tanah Burung Await

With the jam-packed ninety-four thousand capacity Jader Barbahlo Stadium rocking to titanic combat between Starblaydia and Commerce Heights, both sides went away happy. Each side knew they had reached their targets, Starblaydia for the play-offs and Commerce Heights for Qualification. Starblaydi fans were further cheered after around twenty-five minutes when they heard Regional Rivals Sarzonia had gone one-nil down to Pure Evil. Starblaydia celebrated like it was a goal of their own, with some players on the pitch left wondering if they had missed a Streaker running across the grass.

Though neither side at the Jader Barbahlo could score, nor did it seem that Sarzonia could after they conceded a second goal after half time. With Commerce Heights not looking dangerous, it appeared that Starblaydia would take third place and home advantage in the play-offs. Then came a double-whammy for Starblaydia, as first Cyrpus Pound chipped the ball over Rodriguez Da Silva for 1-0, then the announcement came through that Sarzonia had scored three goals in five minutes, heralding the wrong result for Starblaydia in both matches and the cries of 'god-mode' from the hard-core support of Starblaydia.

Then, some bright spark looked at the Group 6 tables, pointing out that Europa Brittania were a far better team than even Commerce Heights, and they were in 4th place in Group 6. As the word filtered around the crowd, they decided that as good as beating Commerce Heights would be, it would make for a far tougher challenge in four days time when the play-offs take place. A draw would still be okay, of course, so the chants of "we want one!" came from the Starblaydi support, much to the concern of Starblaydia's players.

And so it came to pass in the second-half's injury time, as it had done two matches before against Giant Zucchini. We now had you over to Sven Motsonsson, SCB Sports commentator.

"Starblaydia, their last chance to rescue a point from this game, deep, deep in injury time. Its a free-kick from about twenty-three yards, slightly to the left of centre. Its Starblaydia Nil, Commerce Heights One, here comes Ceri Salisbury...

"And its in!! Ceri Salisbury has equalised for Starblaydia! A superb free-kick from the Right-back, it's his second goal in this campaign and Starblaydia are in dreamland! And buried under that pile of celebrating players somewhere is young Ceri Salisbury, the twenty-five year-old with the sweetest free-kick i've seen since Stefan Haldorsson.

"And there it is, the final whistle, and Starblaydia record their third draw in four meetings with Commerce Heights. Starblaydia now go on to play Tanah Burung in the Play-offs with a place in the World Cup Finals at stake."


Final Score:
Starblayda 1 - 1 Commerce Heights
(Salisbury 90+3) - (C Pound 63)


Group 9 Results, Matchday 14:
Starblaydia [1] Commerce Heights [1]
Giant Zucchini [1] Iansisle [2]
Pure Evil [2] Sarzonia [4]
Liechtenistan [3] Oceaice [4]

Group 9 Table, Matchday 14:
[1] Iansisle 14 11 1 2 39-13 34
[2] Commerce Heights 14 9 4 1 40-15 31
<3> Sarzonia 14 9 2 3 29-16 29
<4> Starblaydia 14 8 3 3 30-14 27
5- Giant Zucchini 14 6 0 8 22-26 18
6- Oceaice 14 4 2 8 22-24 14
7- Liechtenistan 14 2 1 11 19-38 7
8- Pure Evil 14 0 1 13 10-65 1

MD00: .::WC17 Qualifying Schedule::.
MD01: Starblaydia 6-0 Pure Evil
MD02: Sarzonia 2-1 Starblaydia
MD03: Starblaydia 3-0 Oceaice
MD04: Liechtenistan 0-1 Starblaydia
MD05: Giant Zucchini 1-3 Starblaydia
MD06: Starblaydia 2-3 Iansisle
MD07: Commerce Heights 3-3 Starblaydia
MD08: Pure Evil 1-4 Starblaydia
MD09: Starblaydia 1-2 Sarzonia
MD10: Oceaice 1-2 Starblaydia
MD11: Starblaydia 2-1 Liechtenistan
MD12: Starblaydia 1-0 Giant Zucchini
MD13: Iansisle 0-0 Starblaydia
MD14: Starblaydia 1-1 Commerce Heights

MD00: .::WC17 Play-off Match::.
NEXT: Tanah Burung Vs Starblaydia

Starblaydia Goal Tally:
Player Goals Total Goals
-------------------------------------
S. Di Bradini 8 21
E. Hall 6 15
A. Ol-wairain 4 9
J.J. Stark 3 5
R. Di Bradini 2 4
C. Salisbury 2 4
M. Tissot 2 4
S. Haldorsson 1 8
K. Robertson 1 3
S. Hill 1 2
V. Tsarev 1 2

Play-off Predictions
One long post rather than two medium ones

Lykaia (7-4-3)
Vs
One Red Dot (7-2-5)
Prediction: Lykaia winners.

Eystrck (8-2-4)
Vs
Kerla (6-5-3)
Prediction: Eystrck to go through.

Sarzonia (9-2-3)
Vs
Europa Brittania (6-3-5)
Prediction: Europa Brittania with a flurry.

Tanah Burung (9-2-3)
Vs
Starblaydia (8-3-3)
Prediction: Starblaydia, just.

Audioslavia (8-4-2)
Vs
Halfassedstates (8-2-4)
Prediction: Slaves + Show Tunes = teh win.

El Cid the Hero (8-2-4)
Vs
The Weegies (5-3-6)
Prediction: Difficult, but El Cid, just.

Tadjikistan (7-3-4)
Vs
Spaam (6-2-6)
Prediction: Tadjikistan with an upset.

Oaker (8-2-4)
Vs
Lemmitania (7-2-5)
Prediction: Oaker to overcome.

Oglethorpia (6-5-3)
Vs
Dance 2 Revolution (7-1-6)
Prediction: D2R to miss out.

Lovisa (8-4-2)
Vs
Aquiliana (5-5-4)
Prediction: Lovisa to progress.

Stars ponder changes, Europa Brittania

The Sarzonian national team began its preparations for Group 6 fourth seed Europa Brittania by conducting a training session on the grounds of the Palestra in Woodstock. The teams will play each other Thursday for the right to advance to the World Cup Finals.

The team will be forced to make a change in its lineup with defender Lance Alcina suspended for the play-in match against Europa Brittania after a red card against Pure Evil. Defender William Jackson, who had been the odd man out in the Stars new look back four, will take Alcina's spot in the starting 11.

"It's going to be a bit of a challenge," defender Emacio said. "I'm used to Lance from the Reavers [in Starblaydia's national league], so it'll take some adjusting to Bill. I'm up for it though."

"I was hoping I'd get a chance to start again, but I didn't want the spot like this," Jackson said. "Lance is a good player, but I think I can play on this level too. It should be interesting."

The Stars (9-2-3, 29 points) finished third in their group for the second consecutive World Cup qualifying campaign, but this time, it means a one-game playoff. The Stars missed out on a bid to the World Cup finals in their first ever competition by two points when they lost to the group's top two seeds in two consecutive away matches. Tanah Burung, the group's top seed, ended up getting the berth.

"Right now, we can't worry about the past," Coach Bryan Marshall said. "The present is preparing to face the fifth ranked team in the world with a spot in the World Cup on the line. That's what we're thinking about."

The match will be played in Hendrix Stadium, where the Stars drew against the group's top seed Commerce Heights 1-1. The Stars also dealt group winners Iansisle one of only two losses in the qualifying campaign. However, Marshall expressed concerns about the team's recent play.

"We gave up two goals to the worst team in our group," Marshall said. "We also struggled to beat the other bottom teams in our group, including a draw against the sixth place side. I don't think intensity is something you can turn on like a lightswitch, so I'm definitely worried."

Streetbet now has odds on all the qualifiers - whoever wants to earn (or lose) some cheap ankh-morpork dollars can place them here!

Decimal Odds
Home Team 1 X 2 Away Team
Lykaia 2.62 2.62 3.00 One Red Dot
Eystrck 1.83 3.00 4.60 Kerla
Tanah Burung 2.17 3.33 3.00 Starblaydia
Sarzonia 2.29 3.50 2.67 Europa Brittania
EL CID THE HERO 2.50 3.00 2.75 The Weegies
Audioslavia 2.17 3.33 3.00 Halfassedstates
Tajikistan 1.66 3.67 4.50 Spaam
Oaker 3.66 2.60 2.30 Lemmitania
Oglethorpia 1.80 3.67 3.67 Dance 2 Revolution
Lovisa 4.50 3.00 1.83 Aquiliana
Fractional Odds
Home Team 1 X 2 Away Team
Lykaia 13/8 13/8 2/1 One Red Dot
Eystrck 5/6 2/1 18/5 Kerla
Tanah Burung 7/6 7/3 2/1 Starblaydia
Sarzonia 9/7 5/2 5/3 Europa Brittania
EL CID THE HERO 3/2 2/1 7/4 The Weegies
Audioslavia 7/6 7/3 2/1 Halfasssedstates
Tajikistan 2/3 8/3 7/2 Spaam
Oaker 8/3 8/5 13/10 Lemmitania
Oglethorpia 4/5 8/3 8/3 Dance 2 Revolution
Lovisa 7/2 2/1 5/6 Aquiliana

Le LIBRE

Battle of Top teams

Coming into the game, Eauz was riding a 6 game winning streak and their offence was turned up to full power, as they had scored 24 goals, giving them an average of 4 goals per match. One cannot count out the defence either for Les Bleus, coming into this match only giving up a total of 5 goals in the past 6 matches. Their opponent Melmond who was looking a bit weak down the stretch but have had some success against Les Bleus in the past, especially during match day 7. Something had to give between these two teams. The two teams though, looking forward into the World Cup, were not going to be sporting the same rosters as usual because they wanted to rest most of their starters. For Les Bleus, André Bedeau would start in goal for Les Bleus while Rousoi rested himself. Referring the match was Devon Parker from Bedistan. According to NSWC records, he is ranked a 6 for strictness and a 7 for fairness. If all this was correct, it would appear this match should be well played.

Parker blew the whistle, as Les Bleus controlled the ball early. For Les Bleus, they could not give up another 3 – 0 loss to Melmond, as fans were cheering and screaming making fun of Eauz. Jose Truvoi a forward for Les Bleus brought the ball up field but was taken out by a Melmond forward. The ball though went back into Eauz possession and the attack continued. Bringing the ball towards the net was Olivier Aleau who tapped the ball over the keeper, who came out to try and grab the ball. Les Bleus went up 1 – 0 and it was a booster for the team who had a hard time scoring against Melmond the last time. Fans became quiet, as Les Bleus went up early during the 10th minute of Play. Unfortunately though, during the 18th minute of play, during quite a long period of attacks by Melmond, an attaker of from Melmond knocked the ball out of the air and kicked it past the keeper tying up the match at 1 – 1. This goal by Melmond was a heartbreaker for Les Bleus as they could see Melmond would not go away. Both teams played at even strength for a while during the first half, as neither had much attacking chances. During the 37th minute of play, Les Bleus found a break in the Melmond defence, getting in close to the net. A kick was taken from the side, only to be tipped over the top of the net. A corner kick would only result in it being knocked out of the way. A late attack by Les Bleus during the 43rd minute of play gave them another goal, as a forward snuck in through the defence passing it to another forward who got off a shot just before being knocked down, giving Les Bleus a 2 – 1 lead. No call was made by the referee though as Les Bleus did capitalise on the chance they had. Les Bleus went into the first half leading by a 2 – 1 lead. They hoped this would hold up if they defended for the rest of the match.

The second half brought less action early, as both teams fight for the ball. The first 20 minutes were pretty much played at centre field. During the 66th minute of play, Truvoi tackled a player, getting him on the leg. The Melmond player fell down in pain as the referee came over to investigate. After a bit of time, he gave Truvoi the red card, sending him off for the day. It would be later revealed that he would Truvoi would suspended for the next match Les Bleus play. A free kick was awarded, which went wide of the goal. Time went by with very little action, and coming towards the 90th minute of play, Les Bleus and their fans were ready to hand Melmond a 2 – 1 loss in front of their home team. Melmond was attacking though, and received a corner. The time was ticking as the corner was awarded in the 90th minute (+1:09). The referee gave 3 minutes of injury time. The corner was taken sending the ball towards the net. A Melmond player headed the ball which went just inches past the hands of André Bedeau. Melmond had shocked Les Bleus and given new life to their team and fans. Les Bleus could not believe what had happened and were stunned at the play. The match finished in a 2 – 2 tie, awarding both teams 1 point, but for Les Bleus, it was a heartbreaker to know that Melmond had took the series 1 – 1 – 0. For Les Bleus, having already qualified, it is time for them to review tape and figure out what went wrong in the matches that they lost if they are to have any chance in the World Cup.

Les Bleus will not wait for a few weeks to get themselves ready for the cup along with waiting to find out who wins the playoff matches against 3rd and 4th place teams.

OCC to Melmond: Sorry, but I am too lazy to name off some of your players. Anyways, I didn’t even know my reserves, I just decided to randomly make them up :)


---Group 3----
[1] Eauz 14 10 2 2 42-17 32
[2] Melmond 14 8 3 3 33-15 27
<3> Oaker 14 8 2 4 27-21 26
<4> Spaam 14 6 2 6 33-29 20
5- The Evil Umpire 14 6 1 7 23-27 19
6- Slaikau 14 5 1 8 18-29 16
7- Insane Inflation 14 4 1 9 19-34 13
8- Qia 14 2 2 10 18-41 8


Schedule

Match Day 1: The Evil Umpire @ Eauz W 0 – 3
Match Day 2: Eauz @ Slaikau W 2 – 0
Match Day 3: Qia @ Eauz W 1 – 4
Match Day 4: Eauz @ Insane Inflation W 4 – 2
Match Day 5: Spaam @ Eauz L 2 – 1
Match Day 6: Eauz @ Oaker T 2 – 2
Match Day 7: Melmond @ Eauz L 3 – 0
Match Day 8: Eauz @ The Evil Umpire W 5 – 0
Match Day 9: Slaikau @ Eauz W 1 – 2
Match Day 10: Eauz @ Qia W 4 – 1
Match Day 11: Insane Inflation @ Eauz W 1 – 3
Match Day 12: Eauz @ Spaam W 5 – 1
Match Day 13: Oaker @ Eauz W 1 – 5
Match Day 14: Eauz @ Melmond T 2 – 2

The Pimento Voice
Relishing in the beauty of fancy-font types since yesterday

Spoongate?
Calls of corruption echo after thrashing by Boyars

It seemed as though it had been a successful cup. Big Pimento had fought hard every match in their quest for respect, and had earned it, gaining at least a point from each opponent they faced. It appeared as though the Pimentos were ready to take a step forward from the realm of pretenders to contenders.

That was until yesterday.

The Valerian Boyars gave the Pimento's a lesson in the way football was supposed to be played, smacking around a largely B-team Pimento side 4-1. The match started off well for the Pimentos, when Boris Valentine opened the scoring in the 12th Minute following a stellar strike from just outside the box, but Valentine was substituted shortly after for no apparent reason. The wheels soon came off the Pimento's wagon, as a lacklustre effort saw a not-so-proud Pimento side give up four unanswered.

This merciless beating meant that cellar-dwellers Magnus Valerius jumped out of the group's basement, locking the Pimento's down there in the process. An 11 point effort through 12 matches would have ordinarily been regarded as a major triumph for the Pimentos, but revelations from the press may change all that.

It appears as though the highest levels of government and the Pimento F.A. threw the Magnus Valerius match. This is still a rumor and a story in it's preliminary stages, but high-ranking F.A. official, Lonnie Yachmenev has come forward.

"The truth must be told," said Yachmenev in a brief statement to the press. "This is a black eye for our program and our nation, and I will not stand idly by as government fat-cats try to corrupt things. I'm outraged by the recent turn of events."

After Yachmenev's press release, the BPFA released their own, stating that, "Mr. Yachmenev will be suspended without pay, until this mess is settled. Allegations of foul-play are taken seriously, and we will be conducting a full, private inquiry. If [Yachmenev] fabricated this story, I hope he'll come forward and save this nation further embarassment."

More to come...

http://www.houseofyork.co.za/images/products/81.jpg
The aforementioned wooden spoon; prior to engravement

Streetbet now has odds on all the qualifiers - whoever wants to earn (or lose) some cheap ankh-morpork dollars can place them here! [OOC: That looked awfully confusing. What do all the fractions/decimals mean?

Think of the Americans! ;)]

Exactly what they say. :D

U21 has started! (http://forums2.jolt.co.uk/showthread.php?t=360788)

TEN Clinches Group 2

2-1 Win Over HAS Secures Qualification

The match was hard fought, Halfassedstates had the home crowd and the need for a win, but it was 1-0 HAS late in the second half. A cheer went up as the 3-1 Svecia win over Snub Nose 38 was posted a final as they knew their team was now in the hunt for a automatic qualifier...but now only if they could get but 1 more goal. Actually If Svecia loss, a 1 goal win would have been enough...but the crowd knew they had to get HAS one more goal....somehow. But then it happened, the free kick out of the middle sent Secour going hard down the left side, getting to the ball, he flipped it over the HAS defender coming at him and continued on at the net. Deperate, the defense tacked Secour hard just outside the box, and the first red card was shown, and now HAS was a man down with 8 to play. Blood coming from his leg, Secour stood up, set the ball and took the direct kick hooking the ball over the net, and off the keeper's hands...tie game.

The crowd groaned in agony bu had hope as Secour was subbed for immediately for Aman Dedur. The nest was playing for the tie, much less letting HAS score 2 more on them. However, a bad pass in the midfield gave Horace a shot attempt and he blasted it home to steal a great euphoria from the Halfassed crowd, and give the Nest their 3 straight Qualifying Group Win clinching the final spot for automatic qualifying with Svecia. Halfassedstates and EL CID THE HERO now had matches to make the cup. The Strike Birds went back to the Nest that night to rest up and wait for the draw to occur.


The Eagle's Nest Qualifying Run
Matchday 1: The Eagle's Nest vs. EL CID THE HERO Loss 0-1
Matchday 2: The Eagle's Nest @ Northbank Tie 2-2
Matchday 3: The Eagle's Nest vs. Esth Win 3-1
Matchday 4: The Eagle's Nest @ Wapahkoneta Win 4-1
Matchday 5: The Eagle's Nest vs. Svecia Win 1-0
Matchday 6: The Eagle's Nest @ Snub Nose 38 Tie 2-2
Matchday 7: The Eagle's Nest vs. Halfassedstates Win 3-0
-----------------------------------------------------
Matchday 8: The Eagle's Nest @ EL CID THE HERO Win 2-1
Matchday 9: The Eagle's Nest vs. Northbank Win 2-0
Matchday 10: The Eagle's Nest @ Esth Win 2-1
Matchday 11: The Eagle's Nest vs. Wapahkoneta Win 1-0
Matchday 12: The Eagle's Nest @ Svecia Loss 3-1
Matchday 13: The Eagle's Nest vs. Snub Nose 38 Win 2-0
Matchday 14: The Eagle's Nest @ Halfassedstates Win 2-1


Group 2 Standings
Pos Team P W D L F A GD Pts
Q The Eagles Nest 14 10 2 2 27 13 14 32
Q Svecia 14 9 3 2 31 13 18 30
3 EL CID THE HERO 14 8 2 4 27 13 14 26
4 Halfassedstates 14 8 2 4 24 16 8 26
E Snub Nose 38 14 6 2 6 27 26 1 20
E Northbank 14 4 3 7 19 29 -10 15
E Esth 14 2 1 11 14 34 -20 7
E Wapahkoneta 14 1 1 12 13 38 -25 4

VILÄMNA DAGENS NYHETER

FIRST ROUND CLEAR
Svecia take out Snub Nose to retain 2nd place finish

Snub Nose 38 1 Svecia 3

Snub Nose - After losing a heartbreaker 2-1 at home to the hated Halfassedstates, Svecia desperately needed a win to qualify outright for the World Cup finals after they lost their first place lead they had held for so long.

But the second place finish was just as satisfying for the Lightning, as they have had rather poor World Cup showings after winning their qualifying groups.

On the road in the Hooligan´s house, typically a difficult place to play in, the Lightning proved that they are a top team and should have an excellent chance at moving past the group stage, although no one wants to talk too soon.

Injured striker, Mikael Solskjaer, who missed most of the second half of the qualifiers with a sprained ankle, will be able to play in time for the World Cup. It has not been decided yet if he will start, though.

But in Snub Nose, it looked as if the Lightning could play without their star forward, as both Hanan Belagt and Joël Simão stepped up the Svecikan offense in the absence of Solskjaer. Head Coach Matt de Fijts is still happy to have his player back, as well as all the fans wearing Solskjaer´s #14 jersey.

In Snub Nose, the Lightning jumped out to a 2-0 lead in the first 20 minutes with goals by Belagt in the 12th minute on a free kick the Snub Nose keeper seemed to lose in the lights, or maybe the glare from the bright orange Svecia jerseys. Midfielder Lars Svensson added another goal in the 17th minute with a well taken header off a corner kick.

The Hooligans closed the gap to 2-1 with a penalty kick in the 66th minute after Tomas Kristiansand was given a yellow for a shirt pull during a scoring opportunity in the box.

But Kristiansand made up for his mistake 15 minutes later, as his well driven shot struck a Hooligan defender´s foot on an attempted block and deflected into the side netting past a stunned despairing keeper and in front of a dispairing crowd for the cap on the match.

The Svecikan team returned to Vilämna to be met with a sea of yellow and blue screaming fans at Vilämna International Airport. Practices for the World Cup will begin this weekend.

Tickets will go on sale when the final teams are announced.

ooc: Sorry, Turori, I lack inspiration...

ic:
A few days before the match inside the headquarters of the ASR:
Laxtu Takil: We will need to contact Sita~e, Akoxta, SLS, Sile and that strange Seleke club anew then... Myk, you understand that this is like a conspiracy...
Myk Linkosa: From Sile maybe... They are from Vilita, But Alan City, Acosta Brrowns and Sijitalatirikimidateme Xkora are in domestic trouble. They can not let their top players miss out...
LT: Slani relegation...
ML: Most of the teams do not fight relegation.
LT: Relegation as in 'going down'. All our top players can't play due to domestic duties...
ML: 'ain't that just the way...'
LT: '...that life goes down, down, down', yeah, it is!
ML: Well, great day for our subs. Y Syku, Siki Venji, Miki I Jil and Hetaneserari Ky need international experience... And hey, we can afford to lose!
LT: The fans will tear us apart...
ML: They won't, a loss won't end the world.
LT: Where does that confidence come from?
ML: experience.
LT laughs
ML: No, really, I experience much international soccer and I know the rejistanian way to see things, maybe you were a bit too much in Alan City during the last weeks!
LT: Your risk.
ML: Risk is always mine!
LT: What do you want to say by THAT?
ML: That you have a tendency to miss out when things become risky! Who was ill at both Pedriana matches?
LT: Hey...
ML: But ok, risk is mine again... maybe glory too!
(Myk Linkosa goes off)
LT: He is crazy...

The match, which saw many top players missing and most on the bench had the following result:
Turori 2 (Ky (og) 53rd, Vumaou 79th)
Rejistania 1 (Syku Kansu* 28th)

* the Syku Kansu from the 5th U21, not part of the normal roster.

[OOC: That looked awfully confusing. What do all the fractions/decimals mean?

Think of the Americans! ;)]

[OOC: Out of curiosity, how do you work out odds?

13/8 just means that if you bet $8, you'll get your original $8 back + $13 = $21. And odds of 2.62 means that if you bet $8, you'll get $8*2.62 = $21.]

THE HERALD SPORTS DIGEST

And Did Those Feet...

Matchday Twelve saw Krytenia impressively hammer Jeruselem on the road. Goals from Xousa, Guarado and Ulvæus secured a three-nil away victory. JER 0-3 KRY

Packed Off To Bed

Krytenia slipped to only their third defeat in Matchday Thirteen. A dull game was punctured by few chances, of which only one was taken - Bedistan's Reinhardt with a crisp finish. BED 1-0 KRY


And so, to the FINAL QUALIFIER.

The Miracle Of Everton City

SEVENTEEN thousand people packed out the temporary stands at Fugeela Field for this game to decide the second qualifying spot in Group Eight. The noise was massive, the tension could be cut with a cricket stump. This was The Big One. This was Lovisa.

Things started disastrously for the Celestials, Lunz scoring from a header on four minutes. Lunz then silenced the crowds by adding his second on 31 minutes. The goal was another header, this time from a swirling free-kick that left Adam Vernazza all at sea.

Lovisa were happy to sit back on their lead, and this is where they made their first mistake. On 71 minutes, Ari Smith latched onto a visionary pass from Stephen Xousa, and slammed the ball bast the Lovisan 'keeper and into the net.

Still Lovisa led. Five minutes remained. Krytenia won a corner. The ball was whipped in by Poldov, Lovisa scrambled it clear, and it fell to Chris Lydersen twenty yards out. The ball took a wicked deflection on its way through, but it made it to the back of the net. 2-2.

And then it happened. The third minute of stoppage time, and Lunz shoots directly int the hands of Adam Vernazza. The Morales goalie punted it a long, long way upfield. Then, suddenly, the Lovisan defence were caught flat. Ari Smith was through and onside! He had to score! And yet, the Lovisan keeper got fingertips to it.... the ball trickled into the six-yard box...and then, in came Colin Ulvæus. He stretched for the ball, and just got enough on it to scramble it into the net. Krytenia had done it!

WE HAVE QUALIFIED!

KRYTENIA - 3
Xousa 71, Lydersen 85, Ulvæus 90+3

LOVISA - 2
Lunz 4, 31

Referee: T. Oaker (OAK) - Let the game run. RATING: 7


SCORERS:
Ari SMITH - 9 (including 2 hat-tricks)
Colin ULVÆUS - 9
Acienko RIMMER - 7 (including 1 double hat-trick)
Stephen XOUSA - 6
Ryan CAREW - 1
Trent DUBILASCO Jr - 1
Will GUARADO - 1
Chris LYDERSEN - 1
Harry VAN VOSSEN - 1

H v Carthage & Troy W 3-0 (Ulvaeus, Carew, Rimmer)
A v Vorpal Bunnies W 4-1 (Ulvaeus 2, Xousa, Smith)
H v Dance 2 Revolution L 1-3 (Smith)
A v Spurland D 0-0
H v Jeruselem L 1-2 (Smith)
H v Bedistan W 1-0 (Ulvæus)
A v Lovisa D 2-2 (Xousa, Dubilasco Jr)
A v Carthage & Troy W 1-0 (Van Vossen)
H v Vorpal Bunnies W 7-0 (Smith 3, Xousa 2, Ulvæus 2)
A v Dance 2 Revolution W 4-1 (Smith 3, Ulvæus)
H v Spurland W 6-2 (Rimmer 6)
A v Jeruselem W 3-0 (Xousa, Guarado, Ulvæus)
A v Bedistan L 0-1
H v Lovisa W 3-2 (Xousa, Lydersen, Ulvæus)

[OOC: Out of curiosity, how do you work out odds?

13/8 just means that if you bet $8, you'll get your original $8 back + $13 = $21. And odds of 2.62 means that if you bet $8, you'll get $8*2.62 = $21.] [OOC: I usually just do a straight up win or loss prediction. I'm more comfortable with point spreads (such as American football), but when it comes to predictions/gambling, I don't worry about covering spreads or anything of that sort.

I was just trying to figure out how much of an underdog I am against Europa Brittania. ;)]

The Buchanan Herald

Can We Make It?

We are closer to the World Cup Finals now than we have been in years, and the excitement in our fans shows. We have played some interesting games, and some good fightbacks from the brink of total elimination have been forthwith, but the question on everyone's lips is - can we make it?

As the 4th placed team, we do not have the home advantage, and the odds coming out tend to suggest the bookies have placed their money on an intruguing EL CID THE HERO squad, and that does leave some people worrying, but not me, or the hardcore Weegie support - the Islander's Army recognise that the Weegie squad thrive on being considered the underdog, and often pull their best performances out against sides who feel they can simply sweep past them. Not that we're suggesting that EL CID THE HERO think that way against us, of course, but simply put, we are the underdogs in this away match, and our support will be travelling to EL CID THE HERO with some trepidation as we, too often, have also had a habit of destroying ourselves at the most inopertune of moments. Who can forget the loss to Sliponia that edged us out of a World Cup Final, after such a magnificent campaign?

Mostly, our boys need to stick together and work as an effective unit, forcing their way through the EL CID THE HERO defence and purposefully taking themselves forward. That is the only way a Weegie side can make it through, sheer concentration. Being infirm of purpose is going to cost us dearly.

I'll be watching the match, as ever, with my hands in fromt of my face. The tension really is too much. Let's hope they don't let us down. This lot couldn't take another heartbreak, I don't think.

Match Preview: Sarzonia v. Europa Brittania

Sarzonia (9-2-3, 29 points, 3rd place, Group 9)
vs
Europa Brittania (6-3-5, 21 points, 4th place, Group 6)

HOW THEY GOT HERE:

Europa Brittania came into World Cup 17 as the world's fifth ranked team and expected to cruise to an automatic bid for the World Cup as the group's top seed. Sarzonia came in ranked 49th in the world and was the fifth seed in its group and figured to struggle with Starblaydia for the second playoff spot. However, neither team matched its predictions.

While Sarzonia tied with 12th ranked Tanah Burung for the best record of any team not automatically qualified for World Cup 17, Europa Brittania struggled to advance to the play-in match at Hendrix Stadium in the Sarzonian capital, Woodstock. Tickets for that match sold out within 15 minutes and an overflow crowd of nearly 80,000 is expected.

Despite Europa Brittania's status as one of the elite teams in the world, little is known about the team since it didn't provide a roster of players. As such, it forced Sarzonian Coach Bryan Marshall to refer to players by names like, "that guy" or "the long haired dude" in match preparations.

Meanwhile, Europa Brittania must contend with a Sarzonian team that is gaining notoriety for its success relatively early in its international careers. Most opponents know they must try to play physically to get dangerous midfielder Darwin Russell off his game. They know that midfielder and team captain Bobby Convey and forward Brian Wilson play with more experience than their age would suggest. They know goalkeeper Troy Perkins has catlike reflexes, but can be caught out of position.

"It'll be the case of the great unknown for us," Convey said after the team's recent training session. "We don't know a lot about them, just that they scored the same number of goals we did and they're the fifth ranked team in the world. We'll have our hands full, that's for sure."

NEWI Cefn Druids referee Trevor Wilson has been announced as the referee for the match. He is known as being among the world's most impartial referees and has been considered "consistent," by even the harshest critics of officials in Sarzonian newspapers.

Oddsmakers seem to call this match pretty even, except for Starblaydia's obviously biased prediction of an easy win for Europa Brittania. The Stars are training as fiercely as they would for a match against Xile, fully expecting Europa to "bring their 'A' game," reserve forward Barry Alphonso said. They also have been one of the better teams of this World Cup, earning a 4-1-3 record against the higher seeds in Group 9, with a sweep of Starblaydia. Prediction: Sarzonia 1-0 in extra time.

3-1 win cant save 'slaves
Slaves win battle but lose warAudioslavia
----------------------------------------------
| 1 |
| Fenwick |
| 2 4 20 6 |
| Pearce Romanov Johnstone O`Rourke |
| |
| 18 8 |
| Tessem Tanner |
| 7 11 |
| Johansen 14 Jaynes |
| Marriot |
| |
| 9 |
| Bracken |
-------------------------------
| |
| 10 11 |
| Lindau Rourke |
| |
| 6 7 8 9 |
| McDonald Thompson McCann Larsson |
| |
| |
| 2 3 4 5 |
| McCarg Da.Fulton De.Fulton Cargill |
| |
| 1 |
| Eriksson |
| |
----------------------------------------------

Audioslavia did well to defeat a Weegie side that was coming on the back of taking four points from the top two sides in the group, but it all proved to be in vain.

The 'slaves fans needed Squornshelous to drop Cockbill Street in the other top-four match in the group which the stupidheads just couldnt do as the Street took the game 2-0

The two Cockbill Street goals came roughly the same time as the Audioslavia goals. The celebrations for the 'slaves first strike, a twenty-fifth minute Ally Marriot finish, was abruptly halted by news of Cockbill Street taking the lead against Squornshelous. The crowd went so silent in fact, that Marriot believed that the shot had been offside until the referee told him to stop shouting and get back to the centre circle.

Cockbill Street's second goal came just before half-time, silencing the 'slave fans again and resulting in Audioslavia coming out in the second half with less vigour and heart, resulting in The Weegies equalising on forty-eight minutes through a Lindau header.

The Weegies applied the pressure to the 'slaves, but a counter-attack and a well-taken finish by Danny Bracken put pay to any Weegie hopes of gaining an upset. Marriot's second of the game came on eighty-one minutes and finished off this drab affair between two teams merely playing for pride.

FINAL SCORE
The Weegies 1 (Lindau 48)
Audioslavia 3 (Marriot 25 81, Bracken 59)

[1] Cockbill Street 14 10 1 3 29-14 31
[2] Squornshelous 14 9 3 2 30-12 30
<3> Audioslavia 14 8 4 2 28-15 28
<4> The Weegies 14 5 3 6 19-16 18
5- Ebon Hawk 14 4 2 8 16-29 14
6- Magnus Valerius 14 4 1 9 12-25 13
7- Isles Of Wohlstand 14 3 3 8 16-26 12
8- Big Pimento 14 2 5 7 15-28 11

So the final table looks like this. Amazingly, Cockbill Stret are the group champions. Not so amazing in terms of the Street's amazing form of late, but in tems of Squornshelous not winning the thing having stayed in first place since day one. Either way, both teams go through as of right.

Audioslavia and The Weegies progress to the playoffs. Audioslavia face a tough task against auld foes Halfassedstates but have the benefit of home advantage whilst The Weegies travel to unfancied - but in form - El Cid The Hero who's late charge saw them finish 3rd in the table, putting Snub Nose 38 out in fifth place.

In the bottom three, a suprise defeat to BIg Pimento against the Magnus Valerius Voyars saw them finish last and collect the wooden spoon. Ebon Hawk finally found their winning ways against Isles Of Wohlstand to finish in their expected fifth place. MV take sixth whilst Wohlstand finish in seventh placed after another dissapointing campaign. Big Pimento can take heart in the fact that they have outscored, outperformed and outpointed every other new team in the competition and have formed a strong base for the future.

I've been Jeremy Jaffacake, writing from the 'Halfassed Water Bottling Plant - Arteficial Toxins Insertion Block' in Halfassedstates. G'nite bitches.

WC17 Playoff Fixtures
Lykaia (38) Vs One Red Dot (23)
Two sides that benefitted from middling groups, Lykaia are a team building a steady reputation as a difficult side to beat. Their football wasnt pretty during the qualifiers, grinding out draws with the top teams and edging out the middling/lower reaching nations with hard-fought victories, but Lykaia are definately a team worth worrying about, especially in a one-shot playoff at their own stadium. One Red Dot are old hands at this sort of game, starting off way back in World Cup 5 and maintaining a strong reputation in world football, their best showing so far has been a world cup semi-final, impressive despite the fact that it was on home soil.
Lykaia will give ORD the runaround at home and i'd have to expect them to get their result
Prediction: Lykaia 2-0 One Red Dot

Eystrck (70) Vs Kerla (56)
Eystrck have been a revelation, the lowest ranked side to get into the playoffs they could possibly be the lowest ranked side to ever get into a world cup since 70th ranked Chakra qualified for World Cup 10. Kerla are another team who usually rank around the 30s to 60s, qualifying occasionally but rarely causing an impact. Theyre still hard to beat and can still pose a threat. Despite their lack of impact over the years and the amount of times they've missed out, like George Forman you can never quite write them off
Prediction: Eystrck 1-2 Kerla

Tanah Burung (12) Vs Starblaydia (46)
The first of the truly interesting match-ups. Despite Tanah Burung's long standing footballing reputation (TB hosted World Cup 5 and 'pre-incarnated' the first ever Cup Of Harmony) the side have never quite lived up to their potential. They come into the playoffs having had a passable qualifying run, suprisingly edged out of automatic qualification by unfancied Raptor Claw. Starblaydia are new by comparison but lack none of Burung's spirit and talent and in recent games seem just as dangerous. Tanah Burung have the home advantage, the experience and the rank, but i'd pick Starblaydia to cruise past them to World Cup 17.
Prediction: Tanah Burung 2-4 Starblaydia

Sarzonia (49) Vs Europa Brittania (5)
Despite evidence to the contrary usually spouted by Starblaydia's media, Sarzonia are another newer side with talent in excesses and determination to boot. Sarzonia are responsible for dishing out Giant Zucchini's worst beating in history - a five-nil thrashing in Sarzonia's national stadium - and only missed out on automatic qualification thanks to a modest final few games and a home defeat to second placed Iansisle. However, their record for giant (zucchini) killing will be put to the test against double-champions and fifth ranked Europa Brittania. EB have been out of sorts lately, but in the arena of a one-shot playoff one doubts that the team will falter despite the pressure. Sarzonia's home advantage and panache will cause EB problems, but i'd pick the ex-champs to scrape through
Prediction: Sarzonia 2-3 Europa Brittania

EL CID THE HERO (54) Vs The Weegies (41)
El Cid stormed through the last few matches of qualifying to take a very respectable third place to avoid a potentially fatal away tie against one of the higher ranked sides of group 4. Instead, they face off against The Weegies who underperformed throughout the first half of qualifying but made up for it with a sparkling run in the second half, getting results against the lower teams and getting four points in two games off of the top couple of teams. This match could go either way, with El Cid making up in form and home advantage what they lack in talent. I'd take El Cid to scrape through to their first World Cup Finals appearance.
Prediction: El Cid The Hero 1-0 The Weegies

Audioslavia (6) Vs Halfasssedstates (36)
Both these seasoned sides had modest runs in qualifying, with Audioslavia failing to compete with the top sides and Halfassedstates falling away from second to fourth in the final stages of their group. Probably the third most exciting tie of the playoffs behind Sarzonia-Europa Brittania and Tanah Burung-Starblaydia, the match promises to be entertaining. On paper, with home advantage and 30 places in rank on their side, Audioslavia should qualify, but Halfassedstates won the last encounter between the sides and wont lie down for the 'slaves.
Prediction: Audioslavia 1-3 Halfassedstates

Tajikistan (22) Vs Spaam (16)
Another mouth-watering match. Tajikistan are a team on the up and will be difficult for the Spaamanians to deal with. Spaam are still far from the form that saw them to world cup finals and semi-finals and will struggle, especially away from home, but i'd pick them to raise their game and take the match.
Prediction: Tajikistan 0-2 Spaam

Oaker (33) Vs Lemmitania (26)
Oaker have qualified for the last two tournaments and, despite not making an impact, are definately a side which shouldnt be taken lightly. Recent scalps include wins over Spaam and an away win over Melmond, but the side have little in the way of charisma and when the chips are down they can be beaten badly, as Eauz proved by demolishing them 5-1. Lemmitania are another team in a decline. Since winning World Cup 11 the Lemmings have struggled to maintain their form or to make any other kind of impact on world football. The side even struggled to qualify for the playoffs, gaining just one point in their last three matches, losing third place to Tajikistan and having to rely on Kylaai's shortcomings to stay in the playoffs.
Prediction: Oaker 0-0 Lemmitania. Lemmitania to win the game on penalties

Oglethorpia (17) Vs Dance 2 Revolution (47)
Two well-known nations in world football, Oglethorpia are still a force to be reckoned with despite failing to recapture their place in football's top ten. The team had a very average run in qualifying, finishing eight points behind the automatic qualifier spot and obtaining the worst record for a third-placed team. Dance 2 Revolution have also struggled in recent times but will be looking to bounce back after underperforming in the last couple of world cups. I'd pick D2R to get a big upset and topple the ex-wonderteam
Prediction: Oglethorpia 0-2 Dance 2 Revolution

Lovisa (15) Vs Aquiliana (69)
The final match sees two newish nations compete for a place in WC17. Lovisa have been impressive in recent times, getting beyond the first round in their last two world cups but failing to make it past the quarters. Aquiliana are competing in just their second tournament and to get to the playoffs is a huge feat. Lovisa have a little more experience, better rank and home advantage, and i'd have to say that they'll have too much for Aquiliana.
Prediction: Lovisa 4-1 Aquiliana

Halfassed qualification hopes in tatters

The narrow defeat against TEN was always likly, but what it means is Halfassed now face an almost impossible task to make it into the finals.

The playoff draw has seen them drawn against old foes Audioslavia. In years past, the two sides have won a game each. The last meeting saw Halfassed come out with 2-1 but it was way back in WC8.
The past few years have seen Halfassed's sides fall behind some of the newer nations in terms of ability, while Audio remain one of the top sides in the world!

Ranked 6th, the Audio team shouldn't even be in the play-offs, but some poor early form, and good performances by Squornshelous and Cockbill Street meant the finished in third in group 4. This may be Halfassed's only crumb of comfort going into the game. Having beaten two sides ranked above them, Snub and the evil (;p) Svecia before narrowly losing out to TEN, the Halfassed side should be comfortable enough playing as underdogs!

"The pressures all on them" said Mitchell. "By rights they should already be in the finals, we are where we expected to be - with a one game shot at making it"
Surprisingly some Audio commentators are betting on Halfassed to win, despite their team playing at home! Even the fabled CS Streetbet are offering odds of 2/1 for a Halfassed win, with Audio only slight favorites at 7/6.

Well, bring on Audio and good luck Halfassed - its only 90mins after all! Anything can happen.

Breaking News

Halfassed police issue warrant for arrest of Audio broadcaster

The recent outbreak of food poisoning across Halfassedstates has been traced back to the bottling plant of Holic Pure.(TM) The biggest selling bottled water in the Paradise and supplier to the national football side.

In a press-conference held just a few minutes ago, the Chief of Police Bagim N'Lockum confirmed that the bottling plant has been closed and all bottles of Holic Pure(TM) have been recalled.

He then proceeded to announce that the HPF's chief suspect in the case was an Audioslavian national - one Jeremy Jaffacake.

The famed newsreporter was allowed into the plant last week for a special report ahead of the playoff match. Now police believe the reporter may have been working for the Audio side in an attempt to poison the Halfassed players to ease the struggling Audioslavian side into the finals!

Nothing as yet has been heard from the HFA as to whether they intend to protest over these tactics to the WCC.

There is also no knowledge of where JJ is or any response from the Audioslavian authorities!

Bottled Jaffacakes
Watch out, Jeremy's about

Interpol have an arrest warrant for legendary Audioslavian presenter/journalist/all-round-twat Jeremy Jaffacake.

Jeremy Jaffacake, or to give him his official title 'Sir Jeremy of Jaffacacia the Famed' now has to extend his name to 'the Famed, Named, Shamed and Blamed' as he goes on the run from the feared Halfassedstate police.

Halfassed police seargent Bagim N'Lockum, 47, of the 10th and 4th police district, gave this report from his home on Letsby Avenue, Nickham: "Och neway laddie! The wee scoondrel brok in heer an' he pished in oor wee bortles, och aye he did!" his deputy, Mr. Yanick D'Sonny, 32, added "tha's bin a mu-duh!" for comedy effect.

The event was captured on Holic Pure (tm) CCTV cameras. The 'wee scoonderel' Jeremy Jaffacake, was seen squatting over a big vat of water with 'intent to release'; or so says security guard McGregor Belmore, who walked in to say the words "Och Jerry wheres ye troosers!". The culprit was then seen "peggin' it doon te tha imargancy earxat seeyan tha wurds 'G'nite batch!'" and was not seen again by neither 'slavian nor halfian.

Audioslavian police also wish to take the reporter in for questioning, but alas, they don't know where he is.

I've been Jeremy Jaffacake, reporting from a cave in Rejistania, g'nite bitches.

Paul Dussis blasts Halfassed FA and Audioslavian Authorities; Liverpool England Government Reportedly Considering Giving Jaffacake Asylum

The Liverpool England Government is reportedly close to officially giving Audioslavian broadcaster Jeremy Jaffacake asylum, even though there has been no request from Jaffacake. This comes after FALE chairman Paul Dussis blasted Halfassed and Audioslavian authorities allegedly seeking Jaffacake. This report can not be confirmed.

EL CID NEWS.
NEWS YOU CAN USE.

sports news

THE 11TH HOUR

El Cid the Hero 3 ( DENT 23 NEVILE 34 WEST 56)
Wapahkoneta 0

El cid expect as the nation has it's best chance to qualify for the world cup since WC13

with their last match against a team they beat 5-1 in the first week it always looked hopeful and they got off to a good start with the lions getting off to the best start to the match when Dent broke through the Wapahkoneta defence in the 23rd min and Nevile getting a header from a corner kick passed the keeper in the 34th.

The rest of the match was quite boring apart from a pen taken when Trotter went down in the area and West kicked in past a stationery keeper.

"The team did well" said Terry Nevile afterwards "and this is no doubt a sine that the cid lions will be taken more seriously in the further"

The Cid lions now have to get used to the fact they are now longer the underdogs in their play-off match against the Weegies.

The team are hopeful that they will win and Barry Trotter has even put 20,000 cid marks on them progressing to the finals.

"We have played well" is all he said about it in a interview "and this will be an added incentive for me to play better"

Keep read to see if the lions can break the trend and get to the finals.

Matchday 1:The Eagles Nest v El Cid the Hero W 0-1
Matchday 2:El Cid the Hero v Halfassedstates W 2-0
Matchday 3:Snub Nose 38 v El Cid the Hero L 3-1
Matchday 4:El Cid the Hero v Svecia L 1-2
Matchday 5:El Cid the Hero v Northbank W 2-1
Matchday 6:Esth v El Cid the Hero W 0-2
Matchday 7:El Cid the Hero v Wapahkoneta W 5-1
Matchday 8:El Cid the Hero v The Eagles Nest L 1-2
Matchday 9:Halfassedstates v El Cid the Hero D 0-0
Matchday 10:El Cid the Hero v Snub Nose 38 L 1-2
Matchday 11:Svecia v El Cid the Hero D 1-1
Matchday 12:Northbank v El Cid the Hero W 1-3
Matchday 13:El Cid the Hero v Esth W 4-1
Matchday 14:Wapahkoneta v El Cid the Hero W 0-3

---Group 2----
[1] The Eagles Nest 14 10 2 2 27-13 32
[2] Svecia 14 9 3 2 31-13 30
<3> El Cid the Hero 14 8 2 4 27-13 26
<4> Halfassedstates 14 8 2 4 24-16 26
5- Snub Nose 38 14 6 2 6 27-26 20
6- Northbank 14 4 3 7 19-29 15
7- Esth 14 2 1 11 14-34 7
8- Wapahkoneta 14 1 1 12 13-38 4

The Daily Druid

KALLINS QUITS FOR DRUIDA
Björn-Trevor Frederiksson comments on the shock news.

After helping steer the nation he has been helping since their first World Cup campaign 24 years ago, Druids Joint Manager Trevor Kallins has sensationally quit his post to take over as manager of the Rogue Nation of Druida. Kallins has fallen out with Druidish President Geraint Griffiths over the last few months, and the final straw came on matchday twelve, when the Druids lost in The Lowland Clans, but still managed to qualify on the day due to results elsewhere.

"No matter how I tried explaining it to him, the idiot couldn't understand," was Kallins response after he had announced his decision yesterday. "I thought like so many people across the country do, that this guy doesn't represent me in the way I want him to. So I am now a member of Druida, and as a member of their nation, it is only fair that I leave my post with the FANCD and take up a similar position at the DFA, managing their team."

The news will be a shock to many a Druids fan, as Kallins was generally well thought of by the people for his sensible approach not only to football, but to life as a whole. The fact that such a well respected public figure as Kallins has joined the Druidans will also bring pressure on President Griffiths, as many people will consider the Druidan challenge more seriously. It will be a blow to the NEWI Cefn Druids national team, the Druids, as they prepare for the World Cup with only Simon Greaves at the helm.

We are in the 10th and 4th police HQ, a portly Sergeant is sitting at his desk reading through some case files. As we watch, a younger deptuy comes in and sets a newspaper clipping on the desk, before the older man (his name is N'Lockum according to the name plate) can say anything, the deputy says, "May help ye wit thon poisoning - I gotta hed, tha's been anor muda!"
N'Lockum simply nods gravely and starts reading the cut-out..

Bottled Jaffacakes
Watch out, Jeremy's about
.......the feared Halfassedstate police.
*the Sergeant jokes on his coffee before bursting into laughter* eventually he manages to control himself and continues

..The event was captured on Holic Pure (tm) CCTV cameras....
*gack* suddenly there is furious scribbling on a notepad. *The flamin CCtv why didn i think o that un? mutters N'Lockum as he continues

or so says security guard McGregor Belmore.....
*Security guard? Doh'n rememba wan o they foools bein thar* more scribbling on the notepad..

I've been Jeremy Jaffacake, reporting from a cave in Rejistania, g'nite bitches.
*uh?* more writing.

Bagim N'Lockum slowly stands-up and stretches before wandering out the office door to bark some orders and, we are fairly certain, to go and get another doughnut.
When hes out, we have a look at the notepad....
Things to do:
1. Get CCtv Camera and the tape
2. Find Mr. Belmore and question him about what he saw
3. Rejistania? - somewhere near Sowhatsville??*note to foreign readers Halfasseds 2nd city*
4. Get that cocky wee sh#te!

We chuckle quitely to ourselves and head off.

Welcome Back Fearless Farmers!
Melmond Is Finally In the World Cup Final!
By Zuke O’Kenzie of the O’Connor Times

O’CONNOR, MELMOND—A sellout crowd of 60,217 filled Makinshakes Stadium not only for a football match with the number one team in the world, Eauz, but for a huge celebration. Even though Melmond has technically not clinched a World Cup birth, they are so far ahead on goal differential that even if Oaker won and Melmond lost…Oaker would have a 13 goal deficit to make up, and with the return of world class goalkeeper Snhp Xtfuinxm in net, it looks like Oaker would have to have an unprecedented offensive flurry. That is not likely to happen against a talented team like Spaam.
Anyway on this uncharacteristically chilly night in O’Connor, what the fans came for was the spectacle of it all…a ninety minute countdown until the official celebration when Melmond after all their disappointments and tragic letdowns finally gets the finals position they deserve. The fans were in much anticipation of the end of this match where the name Disappointments will be ancient history and they can reclaim the name Fearless Farmers. Many fans wore their classic green and white Fearless Farmer replica jerseys of famous and infamous players in the history of Melmond football such as Martin Goodwin, Chris Owen, Critandi Unne, and Benjamin Leeb. The drink du jour was the pistachio milkshake courtesy of the people at Makinshakes. The green milkshake was the perfect drink for the occasion.
However, there still was a football match to be played, against the number one team in the world nonetheless. Of course, Les Blues d’Eauz would love to get their revenge in their embarrassing loss 3-nil against the Disappointments at home. However, both Eauz and Melmond felt it was best to rest their best players for the World Cup final. Melmond had a couple starters play, mainly players who haven’t played in two games due to red cards to get them back into playing shape and competition. If there was any good sign for Eauz, it was the fact that Bedistani referee Devon Parker was assigned to this match. As you remember, the last time Devon Parker refereed a Melmond match, he was under the influence of voodoo dice and to no fault of his own refereed a horrible game. Surprisingly and fortunately, no voodoo dice were found in this match.
As for the match, Eauz started out very determined in the beginning of the match as the fiercely competitive Melmond footballing faithful made mocking chants against the debunked socialist ideologies and the apparent conflict of interest of a Bedistani referee in this match since Bedistan and Eauz have a World Cup 18 bid which is competing against Melmond’s bid with NEWI Cefn Druids, which everyone knows is better. Hey, that statement may not be too objective, but I am a proud Melmondian. Anyway Eauz perservered rather quickly in this match and caught Melmond goalkeeper Snhp Xtfuinxm trying to work out his rust from missing the last two matches. Trying to stop an Eauzian shot, Xtfuinxm prematurely tries to dive for the ball without seeing Eauz striker Olivier Aleau right to the side of him. Aleau tips the ball into the net past Xtfuinxm, who had no time to recover. At the 10th minute, the score was already 1-nil Eauz. The scoreboard also shows that Oaker has the lead in their match too. However, this did not damper the spirit of the Melmond football faithful nor its national team.
Once the ball was kicked off, Melmond dominated possession and just went on an all-out attack that the Eauz side was hard pressed to stop. Eauz goalkeeper Andre Bedeau had to dive in all sorts of directions to stop Melmond’s shots from going in the net. One can see the young Eauzian goalkeeper was becoming frustrated. Perhaps out of desperation, Bedeau dove too early to stop a long shot from the side by Melmond striker Lave Serna. Instead, Serna’s shot was kicked in midair by usual starting striker for Melmond Ojfssnsj Xrnym. Xrnym makes her presence felt after coming back from a red card suspension at the 18th minute, giving Melmond the equaliser they have been looking for. Around this time Spaam has just tied Oaker.
The middle of the first half was stuck in the middle of the pitch for the most part until Eauz found in a gap in the young Melmond defence and earned a corner. The Eauzian corner was rather good, but Melmond goalkeeper Snhp Xtfuinxm, using all his physical gifts, just outleaps everyone and just whacks that ball almost to centre pitch. Despite the dramatic denial at the fist of Xtfuinxm, the Eauz attack wasn’t about to let up. At the 43rd minute, their resilience paid off as Eauz striker Jose Truvoi received the ball from his fellow striker Olivier Aleau, taking the Melmond defence by surprise. Melmond defender Sergio Ortiz was about to make the sliding tackle, but Truvoi’s shot beat it by a split second and his shot went past Xtfuinxm into the net. Truvoi did fall to the pitch on his bum, but celebrated their as Bedistani referee Devon Parker wisely called no cards on that play. Eauz would take this 2-1 lead into the half as Oaker would take their 2-1 lead in the half. Despite losing to Eauz and Oaker winning, things looked very optimistic and the fans stayed that way.
The second half didn’t really have the action of the first half, but for the history of footballing in Melmond, it had plenty of drama. After the majority of the second half was a midfield battle of wits and will, Eauz makes a big mistake in their efforts to keep the lead. At the 66th minute as Eauz was trying to extend their lead, Melmond defender Sergio Ortiz made an excellent steal from an Eauzian player and was trying to look for an open player. But before he could do that, Eauz striker Jose Truvoi tackles Ortiz on the legs and puts him in a world of hurt. This is the last thing Melmond needed in this match, one of the few main starters starting and he gets hurt and has to be carried off the field. Truvoi would get the red card and the heave ho from referee Devon Parker. Eauz will have to play the rest of the match down one player.
In an interesting move, Manager David Bixler substitutes in a striker rather than another defender as Jamie Prior comes into the match. Perhaps he wanted more scoring power to even the match up. Even though time was running out in the match and Melmond was losing and Oaker was winning, celebration continued in the stands of Melmond knowing that they are going to Kaze Progressa or Vilita. However, an extra exclamation point was awaiting the fans courtesy of hometown young phenom Jake Cormier. In injury time, Melmond had earned a corner kick. Manager David Bixler then makes the substitution on the spot, replacing the short Melmond defender Veronica Dean with Melmond defender, captain, and predominant corner kick taker Jonsi Torrini. Torrini was preparing for his infamous Acosta-Audioslavia arc. He indeed attempted his famous corner kick and it looked like Eauz goalkeeper Andre Bedeau was to make the stop, but Melmond midfielder Jake Cormier was able to leap and get his head on it to change direction, taking Bedeau completely by surprise! Goal Melmond! The crowd erupts into an unheard decibel level in Melmond history. They do not have to worry about Oaker winning, they will get the tie courtesy of a player they watched grow up in O’Connor, as he is the son of the manager of Melmond club side O’Connor Greens. Kind of fitting that a player with a French sounding last name for Melmond is responsible for Melmond taking the series against the number one team in the world, commies no less.
When the final whistle blew, it was utter pandemonium as the unfathomable loudness from the well-bundled up Melmond crowd just erupts with glee as green and white fireworks shoot in the air and air horns just repeatedly blare from the gleeful fans. In a symbolic gesture showing the end of the era of the Disappointments and a return to being the Fearless Farmers, all the Melmond players and even some coaches strip down to their skivvies and throw the white and loser red uniforms into the stands and then each person draped themselves in a Melmondian flag and ran across the stadium high fiving their fans in an unforgettable celebration of redemption. Even the Eauz players enjoyed seeing this outpouring of joy from this hard luck team and watched the festivities. Melmond is off to the world cup and it is about time! Go Fearless Farmers!

Goals
Aleau, EAU 10th
Xrnym, MEL 18th
Truvoi, EAU 43rd
Cormier, MEL 90th

Cards
Truvoi, EAU 66th

Standings

Other Group 3 Scores
Oaker 2 – Spaam 1
Insane Inflation 0 – The Evil Umpire 4
Qia 3 – Slaikau 1

Group 3
Pts W D L GF:GA GD
1. Eauz 32 10 2 2 42:17 25
2. Melmond 27 8 3 3 33:15 18
3. Oaker 26 8 2 4 27:21 6
4. Spaam 20 6 2 6 33:29 4
5. The Evil Umpire 19 6 1 7 23:27 -4
6. Slaikau 16 5 1 8 18:29 -11
7. Insane Inflation 13 4 1 9 19:34 -15
8. Qia 8 2 2 10 18:41 -23

Team Stats
Goals: Tim Remans (9), Ojfssnsj Xrnym (8), Critandi Unne (5), Jake Cormier (3), Jamie Prior (2), Alfred Smith (2), Lave Serna (2), Jonsi Torrini (1), Cristina Antunez (1)
Cards: Charles Unne (2), Trav Strachan (1,1), Jamie Prior (1), Alfred Smith (1), Snhp Xtfuinxm (1), Fwynj Otsjx (1), Ojfssnsj Xrnym (1), Veronica Dean (1), Jake Cormier (1), Jonsi Torrini (1)

Melmond National Team Schedule

v Insane Inflation (Frankndottir Stadium, Acosta) W 3-0
v The Evil Umpire (Vilita) W 3-1
v Slaikau (Microcosm Football Colossuseum, Aldi) T 1-1
@ Qia T 1-1
@ Oaker L 3-1
v Spaam (Melmond Bowl, Melmond City) W 4-1
@ Eauz W 3-0
@ Insane Inflation W 5-0
v The Evil Umpire (Commerce Heights) W 3-0
@ Slaikau W 3-1
v Qia (Bwnlqjd Knjgi, Wzkknfs Hnyd) L 1-0
v Oaker (Feliz-Unne Stadium, Unne) L 3-2
@ Spaam W 2-1
v Eauz (Makinshakes Stadium, O’Connor) T 2-2

We shall see you in the World Cup!

Third Time is the Charm for Starblaydia!
Qualification? You're Having a Laugh!

All across Starblaydia and beyond, bitten-off nails are scattered across any carpet within sight of a television. Or at least they will be until the cleaner comes over.

Whether it was in the Lord-Protector's Residence, where he hosted the entire Council, Residence Staff and a few lucky ticket-holders not going to the Stade de Socialisme in Eauz to a huge-screen Play-off Party. Whether it was in one of the thousands of Armed Forces showings, or in schools, or town squares, or over the internet or at any of the thousands of parties, gatherings and general football ethusiast get-togethers: a football match is Starblaydia at Prayer, simple as that.

Despite not playing in Tanah Burung because of something involving guns and bombs, the Eauz stadium was nearly full with Tanah Burung Fans. The whole match was a series of hard challenges, great shots and even better saves. Either goalie could have been man-of-the-match, though it was the Tanah Burung Goalie, who's name i can't even remember, let alone spell or pronounce.

The only thing that goalie did wrong was in the ninety-fourth minute, with both fans whistling for full-time with the scores at 0-0. Roberto Di Bradini, who had come on for the exhausted Ki-Jana Carter, played a long through-ball for his big brother. Simeone strode past the static and tired defence with a last burst of adrenaline.

It seemed that the Tanah Burung 'keeper had the same set of adrenaline as he rushed out to smother the ball. With a deft touch of the outside of his left foot, Di Bradini took the ball away from the 'keeper's challenge, bravely allowing his shins to take the force of the charging goalie as the ball rolled out of play.

The referee had no hesitation in pointing to the spot, despite the protests of Tanah Burung fans and players alike. Starblaydi players patted Simeone on the head, most of them not wanting to take the penalty he had earned. The referee indicated there was time to take this one kick and one kick only. He made the goalie stay on the line and practically screamed at the other twenty players to stay out of the area until Di Bradini had kicked the ball.

As time seemed to slow down, Simeone Di Bradini took the penalty that sent Starblaydia to the World Cup Finals. He put it to his right, wrong-footing the 'keeper just enough to prevent him getting to the ball in time. As the entire Starblaydi nation went mad, all Simeone Di Bradini, their new god, could do was spread his arms out to the side and run. He nearly made it to the corner flag before he was simply enveloped by his entire team, even Rodriguez Da Silva had sprinted up once the ball went in. The referee blew for full-time and Starblaydia were a sea of white shirts and celebrations.

See you in Kaze Progressa and Vilita!

Final Score:
Tanah Burung 0 - 1 Starblaydia
(None) - (S Di Bradini 90+4)


MD00: .::WC17 Qualifying Schedule::.
MD01: Starblaydia 6-0 Pure Evil
MD02: Sarzonia 2-1 Starblaydia
MD03: Starblaydia 3-0 Oceaice
MD04: Liechtenistan 0-1 Starblaydia
MD05: Giant Zucchini 1-3 Starblaydia
MD06: Starblaydia 2-3 Iansisle
MD07: Commerce Heights 3-3 Starblaydia
MD08: Pure Evil 1-4 Starblaydia
MD09: Starblaydia 1-2 Sarzonia
MD10: Oceaice 1-2 Starblaydia
MD11: Starblaydia 2-1 Liechtenistan
MD12: Starblaydia 1-0 Giant Zucchini
MD13: Iansisle 0-0 Starblaydia
MD14: Starblaydia 1-1 Commerce Heights

MD00: .::WC17 Play-off Match::.
PLAY: Tanah Burung 0-1 Starblaydia

Starblaydia Goal Tally, World Cup 17 Qualifying:
Player Goals Total Goals
-------------------------------------
S. Di Bradini 9 22
E. Hall 6 15
A. Ol-wairain 4 9
J.J. Stark 3 5
R. Di Bradini 2 4
C. Salisbury 2 4
M. Tissot 2 4
S. Haldorsson 1 8
K. Robertson 1 3
S. Hill 1 2
V. Tsarev 1 2

Stars shut out of Cup, 1-0

WOODSTOCK (ASP) -- A match between the fifth ranked team in the world and a plucky bunch of newcomers wasn't supposed to hang in the balance for in excess of 120 minutes, even though the football neophytes from Sarzonia were tied for the best record among third place teams in the World Cup and were hosting a Europa Brittania that was barely over .500 in a sold-out Hendrix Stadium in their nation's capital.

But as penalty kicks began to loom and Coach Bryan Marshall was assembling his list of five players to take the decisive penalty kicks, the Europa Brittania playmaking midfielder fired an off-footed shot that banked off the woodwork and past an exhausted Troy Perkins as the stoppage time in the second extra session was winding down.

The loss saw Sarzonia's plucky Stars slumped to the ground, many in tears as the Europa Brittania players piled on top of each other as if they had made the World Cup for the first time.

"That was absolutely a heartbreaking game to lose, no question," a bleary eyed Marshall said after the match. "But we went out there against the world's fifth ranked team and we weren't intimated by their ranking or their pedigree. If you can make a statement with a loss, we just made one."

The Stars had the run of play for the majority of the match, holding possession for 74 out of 120 minutes and outshooting Europa Brittania 31-20. The Europa Brittania goalkeeper stopped all 14 Stars shots on net, while Perkins made eight saves of the nine shots on goal he faced.

Except for the last-second goal, the best chances of the night all belonged to Sarzonia. Forward Brian Wilson was denied twice in the 24th minute, including one point blank bid that the goalkeeper deflected off the crossbar and bounced back to a defender who cleared the ball out of danger.

"We just didn't get the job done," Wilson said, choking back tears even though his eyes were already red. "I take the blame for that."

"When this match is over, people will look back on it as a defining moment for Sarzonian football," Perkins said. Despite his youth and his disappointment about the present, he was able to take a long view of the future. "This will be a moment that lives on in the memories of everyone who was a part of it. This will be the day that people remember as the day Sarzonian football grew up."

The overflow crowd of 76,234 included President Mike Sarzo, who eschewed the luxurious skybox reserved for the very rich for a standing-room-only spot among the most rabid supporters. Sarzo declined comment through a government spokesman, citing a "very hoarse voice," but the statement praised the team for its "utter determination and its never say die approach to football.

"One day, we'll make the World Cup, and we'll make some noise when we do," said Lindsey Courtney, a schoolteacher at Woodstock Elementary School who attended the match. "It just wasn't meant to be tonight."

All across Starblaydia and beyond, bitten-off nails are scattered across any carpet within sight of a television. Or at least they will be until the cleaner comes over.

Whether it was in the Lord-Protector's Residence, where he hosted the entire Council, Residence Staff and a few lucky ticket-holders not going to Tanah Burung to a huge-screen Play-off Party.

That would be a "home" match played at Stade de Socialisme in Eauz, actually. Congratulations to Starblaydia and the other qualifiers...

Falcons Make Finals!
Defeat highly favored Lovisa in playoff

After a great stretch run in which Aquiliana got 7 points in 3 days to pass Turnia for a playoff spot, the team was able to play to the top of their ability to convincingly put away Lovisa and make their first-ever World Cup Finals.

"Obviously, we're all very excited," said captain and leading goalscorer Pontifex Auguratius. "I personally feel great, and I know that Ronal [Cuniculus] is very excited for a chance to prove ourselves to some of the top teams in the world."

The Rabbit was, as predicted, also very excited.

"I know we can beat any team. Any team we play. We beat Liverpool England when no one thought we could, and only lost by 1 to Kingsford the second game - we have the skills and the scoring to beat any team we play."

Goalkeeper Stocus Marmoreus is also confident in his abilities.

"After we had a somewhat rocky first set of games, we were able to come through in the second round, and I myself let in 8 less goals in the second 7 games."

No one is more surprised at the team's advancement, however, than star winger Tomus Flögel.

"I thought, after we were seeded 6th in the group, and had such a horrible first go-round, that we had almost no chance of possibly qualifying," said the 31-year-old, who was 3rd in the League in scoring this past year. "But we were able to gather ourselves, beat the teams we needed to beat, get a few upsets, and here we are in the finals."

Final Score:
Lovisa 1 - 2 Aquiliana
(Baecker 78) - (Flögel 34, Carbasus 55)


Goalscorers

Auguratius 6
Cuniculus 5
Flögel 5
Carbasus 3
Præfrigidi 2
Haesit 1
Messor 1
Direptor 1
Xiphior 1

That would be a "home" match played at Stade de Socialisme in Eauz, actually. Congratulations to Starblaydia and the other qualifiers...

You mean i need to put a TB war and Communists into my RP now? Awwww. *runs back to edit*

Water Way to Win
Bloated Halfassedstate team fall short as 'slaves march throughAudioslavia
----------------------------------------------
| 1 |
| Fenwick |
| 2 4 20 6 |
| Pearce Romanov Johnstone O`Rourke |
| |
| 18 8 |
| Tessem Tanner |
| 7 11 |
| Johansen 14 Jaynes |
| Marriot |
| |
| 9 |
| Bracken |
----------------------------------------------
| 9 10 11 |
| Ya Woods Ze Bulliao |
| |
| 5 8 |
| Bell 6 7 Normandy |
| Porter White |
| |
| 2 3 4 |
| Sleet Smithers Peters |
| |
| 1 |
| Fleetfoot |
----------------------------------------------
Halfassedstates

For a while it looked like Audioslavia were going to miss out. Halfassedstates controlled the first half in the Soundgardia National Arena, playing the 'slaves off the park with skill and panache. Smithers headed a corner over the bar, Ya and Woods played off each other brilliantly to mesmerise the 'slaves back four and Normandy came close with two long-range efforts. Audioslavia didnt seem to have anything to reply with, the midfield wasting the ball when they finally did get posession and the defenders at odds at how to control the Halfassedstates three strikers.

The 'states finally scored just before the interval. Robin Ya mugged Romanov of the ball as Romanov went to pass to the keeper. The plucky striker rounded Fenwick and tapped in for the first goal of the game. Ya also came close at the far post from a cross just a minute later, squeezing his shot past Fenwick on the inside but seeing the ball rebound off the outside of the post.

Halfassedstates looked unbeatable, but as the second half wore on something strange seemed to be happening to the side. At first it looked like fatigue, and a few players went over to take on some water on the far side of the pitch. Thats when things really started to go downhill for the 'states as various members of the team started looking sluggish and bloated after having a drink.

Audioslavia started to take control, with Bracken heading home from a Jaynes cross on seventy-two minutes with his marker, Stan Peters, seeming unable to jump with him and instead having to lean on the post to spit out some yellow-tinted stuff he'd drank just five minutes before.

Halfassedstates went to pieces after that, allowing Audioslavia to nose into the lead through Alexander Marriot's solo run which left many of the Halfassedstate defenders for dead. It was in fact, believed that they were dead, until Peters woke up and spewed some watery sick everywhere, and Sleet was deemed to simply be taking a light sleep.

Audioslavian authorities are contacting the TnUFBI and the CH media for help. Not to find out how the Halfassedstate players began feeling nauseus after drinking their special Holic Pure Sport refreshments, but on how to pull the wool over everyones eyes by sheer propaganda.

I've been Josiah Jaffacake-Barr, stepping in for Jeremy Jaffacake who recently dissappered with the words 'No... No... It cant be..... youre dead... youre dead and buried.... DONT EVIS.....".

G'nite motherfuckers

D2R ELIMINATED!!!

That's what we said earlier, Oh how we laugh at the 'Experts' now

They said it couldn't be done. They said we wouldn't manage the play-offs. Oh how wrong they were. This is a break-down of the last few match-days starting at Spurland

Match Day 12

It all started here. The dog fight for 4th place. Dance 2 Revolution storm over Spurland and Jeruselem fall to Krytenia.

Jeruselem [0] Krytenia [3]
Spurland [1] Dance 2 Revolution [3]

<4> Jeruselem 12 6 2 4 21-22 20
5- Dance 2 Revolution 12 5 1 6 21-23 16


Match Day 13

This was a nervy match-day for Dance 2 Revolution who were highly favoured to win this match against Carthage and Troy, where as Jeruselem took on Lovisa, who almost slipped up against the Revolutionaries on MD 11. Dance 2 Revolution steamrollered Carthage and Troy with a 4-0 win (Maeda 7', 34', 79' Van Mushruum 63') and Jeruselem failed to capitalise on an Un-nerved Lovisa side.

Lovisa [1] Jeruselem [1]
Dance 2 Revolution [4] Carthage and Troy [0]

<4> Jeruselem 13 6 3 4 22-23 21
5- Dance 2 Revolution 13 6 1 6 25-23 19


The Decider!(Match Day 14)

Now Dance 2 Revolution were finally favourites to get 4th spot(About time, too) as The contenders took on Top and Bottom placed sides. Jeruselem taking Bedistan and D2R taking on Vorpal Bunnies. Dance 2 Revolution hammered the Bunnies into the ground with a similar display to that against C & T, making the same scoreline - 4-0(Hentea 8', 54' Van Mushruum 27', 76'), but more or less taking it as a training match for the Play-offs they would be going to in a couple of days...

...Or would they? Of course they would! Bedistan, not taking the game lightly, maybe for the warm-up(maybe for the bribe sent their way by the D2R goverment, Thank's Bedi, btw ;)) but any-road, Bedistan came out 4-0 winners.

Jeruselem [0] Bedistan [4]
Vorpal Bunnies [0] Dance 2 Revolution [4]

---Final Table---

---Group 8----
[1] Bedistan 14 12 1 1 42-9 37
[2] Krytenia 14 9 2 3 36-14 29
<3> Lovisa 14 8 4 2 35-18 28
<4> Dance 2 Revolution 14 7 1 6 29-23 22
5- Jeruselem 14 6 3 5 22-27 21
6- Spurland 14 3 3 8 15-27 12
7- Carthage and Troy 14 4 0 10 19-33 12
8- Vorpal Bunnies 14 0 0 14 10-57 0

D2R would go on to go up against Oglethorpia, who won? Coming up in tonights Match-Review!!!