NationStates Jolt Archive

http://www.dirt-racing.com/3wide/sites/vilita/vn/kpv/kpv.gif (http://wc17.3wide.com)

Handysite URL:
http://wc17.3wide.com

This website provides a utility bar on the top of your browser with links to each World Cup Related thread, and individual matchday scores. For your ease of use, it is suggested that you bookmark this url for all your World Cup 17 needs. You can access your NS Forum Subscriptions by clicking the "NSWC Links" text, then "Subscriptions.

Current WC17 Related Sporting Links::

WC17 :: Rosters Thread (http://forums2.jolt.co.uk/showthread.php?t=355620)
WC17 :: Scores Thread (http://forums2.jolt.co.uk/showthread.php?t=356281)
WC17 :: Discussion Thread (http://forums2.jolt.co.uk/showthread.php?t=352829)
WC17 :: Referee Thread (http://forums2.jolt.co.uk/showthread.php?t=356441)
WC18 :: Signup Thread (http://forums2.jolt.co.uk/showthread.php?t=355639)
Colony Cup 1.1 [WINNER: Avenging Altos] (http://forums2.jolt.co.uk/showthread.php?t=350728)
Eagle's Cup III[WINNER: Turori] (http://forums2.jolt.co.uk/showthread.php?t=352262)
Pre-WC17 Baptism of Fire Cup [WINNER: Eystrck] (http://forums2.jolt.co.uk/showthread.php?t=349645)


::World Cup 17 Qualifying Groups::
(Click on Team Name for Roster)


Group 1
[ 7] Total n Utter Insanity (http://forums2.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=6994077&postcount=46)
[ 22] Tadjikistan (http://forums2.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=6979954&postcount=5)
[ 26] Lemmitania
[ 44] NASTIC 2
[ 53] Dennisov (http://forums2.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=6984095&postcount=23)
[ 75] Kylaai (http://forums2.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=6982742&postcount=16)
[121] Artoonia (http://forums2.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=6982897&postcount=20)
[130] Pterodactyl (http://forums2.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=6985137&postcount=29)

Group 2
[ 4] The Eagles Nest (http://forums2.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=6980291&postcount=8)
[ 18] Svecia (http://forums2.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=6989238&postcount=39)
[ 31] Snub Nose 38
[ 36] Halfassedstates (http://forums2.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=6620324&postcount=19)
[ 54] El Cid the Hero (http://forums2.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=6983712&postcount=21)
[ 71] Northbank (http://forums2.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=7009988&postcount=54)
[ 92] Esth (http://forums2.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=6984623&postcount=26)
[ NR] Wapahkoneta (http://forums2.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=6994201&postcount=48)

Group 3
[ 1] Eauz (http://forums2.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=6992772&postcount=44)
[ 16] Spaam
[ 33] Oaker (http://forums2.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=6986323&postcount=34)
[ 42] Melmond (http://forums2.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=6982782&postcount=18)
[ 59] The Evil Umpire (http://forums2.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=6990203&postcount=42)
[ 77] Slaikau (http://forums2.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=6996510&postcount=50)
[ 96] Qia (http://forums2.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=6986055&postcount=32)
[ NR] Insane Inflation (http://forums2.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=6981744&postcount=13)

Group 4
[ 6] Audioslavia (http://forums2.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=6980190&postcount=7)
[ 11] Squornshelous (http://forums2.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=7019306&postcount=58)
[ 24] Cockbill Street (http://forums2.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=6980036&postcount=6)
[ 41] The Weegies (http://forums2.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=6980982&postcount=11)
[ 50] Magnus Valerius (http://forums2.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=6986164&postcount=33)
[ 65] Ebon Hawk
[ 89] Isles Of Wohlstand (http://forums2.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=6989286&postcount=40)
[ NR] Big Pimento (http://forums2.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=6981031&postcount=12)

Group 5
[ 8] Kingsford (http://forums2.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=6994170&postcount=47)
[ 17] Oglethorpia (http://forums2.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=6995948&postcount=50)
[ 28] Liverpool England (http://forums2.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=6990303&postcount=43)
[ 34] Turnia
[ 57] Avenging Altos
[ 69] Aquiliana (http://forums2.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=6982153&postcount=15)
[108] Kipto-Mare (http://forums2.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=6986544&postcount=35)
[ NR] Regia Anglorum (http://forums2.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=6986568&postcount=36)

Group 6
[ 5] Europa Brittania
[ 12] Tanah Burung
[ 29] The Belmore Family
[ 35] Crystilakere (http://forums2.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=6982788&postcount=19)
[ 48] Raptor Claw (http://forums2.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=6985122&postcount=28)
[ 67] Dead Man
[116] Omniworld (http://forums2.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=6984398&postcount=25)
[137] Mikele

Group 7
[ 9] NEWI Cefn Druids (http://forums2.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=6984209&postcount=24)
[ 21] The Lowland Clans (http://forums2.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=6999208&postcount=51)
[ 25] Wella (http://forums2.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=7018840&postcount=57)
[ 38] Lykaia (http://forums2.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=6990175&postcount=41)
[ 56] Kerla
[ 63] The Gulf States (http://forums2.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=6615129&postcount=15)
[102] Adrasuvare (http://forums2.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=7016742&postcount=56)
[ NR] Kirata (http://forums2.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=6992817&postcount=45)

Group 8
[ 3] Bedistan (http://forums2.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=6980811&postcount=9)
[ 15] Lovisa (http://forums2.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=6615679&postcount=18)
[ 30] Krytenia (http://forums2.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=7001246&postcount=52)
[ 40] Jeruselem
[ 47] Dance 2 Revolution (http://forums2.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=6985583&postcount=30)
[ 61] Spurland
[ 86] Carthage and Troy (http://forums2.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=7010509&postcount=55)
[ NR] Vorpal Bunnies (http://forums2.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=6847831&postcount=9)

Group 9
[ 10] Commerce Heights (http://forums2.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=6986717&postcount=37)
[ 14] Iansisle
[ 32] Giant Zucchini (http://forums2.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=6814184&postcount=6)
[ 46] Starblaydia (http://forums2.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=6979750&postcount=4)
[ 49] Sarzonia (http://forums2.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=6982763&postcount=17)
[ 64] Oceaice (http://forums2.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=6985857&postcount=31)
[ 95] Liechtenistan (http://forums2.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=6984918&postcount=27)
[ NR] Pure Evil

Group 10
[ 2] Rejistania (http://forums2.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=6980956&postcount=10)
[ 20] Gesamtkuntswerk
[ 23] One Red Dot
[ 45] Turori (http://forums2.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=6979614&postcount=3)
[ 58] Haperd (http://forums2.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=6994260&postcount=49)
[ 70] Eystrck (http://forums2.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=6893942&postcount=8)
[130] Pedriana (http://forums2.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=6981970&postcount=14)
[ NR] Ravea


::WC17 Qualifying Schedule::
MD01: 1v5 - 2v6 - 3v7 - 4v8
MD02: 6v1 - 7v2 - 8v3 - 5v4
MD03: 1v7 - 2v8 - 3v5 - 4v6
MD04: 8v1 - 5v2 - 6v3 - 7v4
MD05: 1v2 - 3v4 - 5v6 - 7v8
MD06: 3v1 - 4v2 - 7v5 - 8v6
MD07: 1v4 - 2v3 - 5v8 - 6v7
MD08: 5v1 - 6v2 - 7v3 - 8v4
MD09: 1v6 - 2v7 - 3v8 - 4v5
MD10: 7v1 - 8v2 - 5v3 - 6v4
MD11: 1v8 - 2v5 - 3v6 - 4v7
MD12: 2v1 - 4v3 - 6v5 - 8v7
MD13: 1v3 - 2v4 - 5v7 - 6v8
MD14: 4v1 - 3v2 - 8v5 - 7v6


Qualifying Format:

The Top Two Teams in each group after 14 Matchdays will advance to the World Cup Finals in Kaze Progressa & Vilita. The Third and Fourth placed teams in each group will compete in a one-off Playoff, to be played in the stadium of choice of the Third placed team, to also earn a place in the Finals.


RP Bonus:

Despite Recent talk of abolishing the RP Bonus, a KPV World Cup WILL Have a Bonus based on the contribution to the cup.

While we don't want to announce to the world what our RP Bonus system is as we would like to encourage quality RP's because people want to contribute to the cup, and NOT because they want to simply earn points by appeasing to the hosts guidelines, We will tell you this much.

There Would be a slightly higher "first" RP bonus, where a team would get a bonus for the fact that they have contributed a quality RP to the competition, in addition to any bonus the RP itself earns.

In short, We Want You to Make us Feel Special by Participating in our Cup.


The Final is likely to be in the Progressair Stadium in Kaza, Kaze Progressa; Third Placed Playoff in Tivali Ring Stadium, Alikki-Corra, Vilita

http://www.dirt-racing.com/3wide/sites/vilita/vn/tn/logo.gif

Champion Eels Kitted for Success

-------------The Turori Eels will be once again taking the field in a brand new kit that is already a champion before any World Cup matches are played. The last time the Eels were kitted was prior to the World Cup 15 baptism of Fire Cup. The Eels would overcome eventual World Cup Finalists Krytenia, Lykaia and Oaker before taking the championship from Ascensia. Now the Eels look to add their name to the established list of Baptism of Fire Cup graduates by qualifying for the World Cup 17 Finals.

-------------The Eels are well on their way to this goal after being crowned champions of the Eagle's cup in their first attempt. The Eels started the competition slowly, facing NEWI Cefn Druids, Cockbill Street and Insane Inflation in the group stage, but a late victory over NEWI Cefn Druids on matchday five was enough to see the Eels through to the Quarter Finals. There, Turori would clash again with one of it's World Cup 15 graduating class, being able to overcome Krytenia in extra time. The victory earned the Eels a trip to World Champion Eauz, in what looked a sure ticket hom for Turori. But a 1-0 upset saw a World Cup 16 rematch with Kingsford.

-------------After a loss and a draw in the World Cup qualifiers, Turori was expected to fall short in it's second ever Finals appearance. However, the Eels held out through extra time, and the match went down to penalties. Turori had the mettle to out duel their higher ranked opponents, and took the Eagle's Cup 7-6 on penalty kicks. The Eels celebrated, for the first time, in their new look kits designed by Vilitan-Based 3wide Designs (http://www.3wide.com), after the kits were being used for the first time ever during the match.

Here is a Look at the Eels new Kit:

http://www.dirt-racing.com/3wide/sites/ao/turori17.gif

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Ao1b(8 ............... OouYvaiVYaqkBWjwIIOB ............. 001092019726X9

'slaves group draw announced for the qualifiers

Group 4:
Audioslavia (6th)
Squornshelous (11th)
Cockbill Street (24th)
The Weegies (41st)
Magnus Valerius (50th)
Ebon Hawk (65th)
Isles of Wohlstand (89th)
Big Pimento (unranked)

Previous Meetings
Squornshelous -
Audioslavia 0-4 Squornshelous (World Cup 5 qualifiers)
Audioslavia 5-4 Squornshelous, AET (World Cup 12 quarter final)

Magnus Valerius
Magnus Valerius 0-2 Audioslavia (World Cup 13 qualifiers)
Audioslavia 4-0 Magnus Valerius (World Cup 13 qualifiers)

Isles of Wohlstand
Audioslavia 1-0 Isles of Wohlstand (World Cup 15 qualifiers)
Isles of Wohlstand 0-1 Audioslavia (World Cup 15 qualifiers)

Predictions, with Jeremy Jaffacake

Group 4 is the toughest group the 'slaves have had to face in a while, not so much in terms of class opposition (like being drawn with champions Commerce Heights in WC15) but in the fact that none of the sides, bar new-boys Big Pimento, are outside the top 100 in rank.

Squornshelous are the obvious threat. Although the infamous 4-0 mauling at their hands has long since stopped smarting (it was over fifty years ago people, please move on...), the Stupidheads have been long since established (for fifty years no less, you do the maths) in the international game, and come into the tournament - like Audioslavia do - as previous finalists.

Cockbill Street and The Weegies are the obvious contenders for the usual Audioslavian cliche of 'potential bananaskins', ranked in the nether-regions of the elite, both sides are capable of getting to the latter parts of the cup, although Audioslavia will be expecting at least six or seven points from the two teams combined

Magnus Valerius can also be a handful, just outside the elite nations, MV have always had a sturdy, skillfull side which could prove many of the larger nations' undoing.

Wohlstand and Ebon Hawk are two teams that are steadily improving with varying levels of success, whilst last but not least, Big Pimento will be looking to take a few scalps in their first foray into competitive international football.

Jeremy Jaffacake's group 4 predictions:

1: Cockbill Street
2: Audioslavia
3: Squornshelous
4: Magnus Valerius
5: The Weegies
6: Ebon Hawk
7: Isles of Wohlstand
8: Big Pimento

i've been Jeremy Jaffacake, g'nite bitches

smidgen of history? anyone?


World Cup 4
Qualifying
W4-2 Enelando
L1-2 Alhana Catherine
W3-2 Dyelibeybi
L1-2 Lemmitania
W3-1 Divine Llama
L0-1 Lunatic Goofballs

Finals
D3-3 Kingsford
W2-1 Jurrasica
D1-1 Europa Brittania
D1-1 Lemmitania (D1-1AET L2-3PEN)

P W D L F A
10 4 2 4 19 16

World Cup 5
Qualifiers
L0-4 Squornshelous
L0-3 One Red Dot
L0-1 Hendland
W4-0 Halfassedstates
W3-2 Caras Sidh
W2-1 Dark Outcasts
D1-1 Christofi
L1-2 Moyk

P W D L F A
8 3 1 4 11 14

World Cup 6
Qualifying
W2-0 Great White Sharks
D3-3 _AMP
W4-3 Porvoo
W4-1 Jay Cutter
W3-2 Cobra Cult
W6-0 Iuthia
D1-1 Starving Children
W2-1 Great White Sharks
D1-1 _AMP
W1-0 Porvoo
L2-3 Jay Cutter
D1-1 Cobra Cult
W2-0 Iuthia
L2-3 Starving Children

Finals
L0-3 Spaam
D1-1 Lemmitania
W2-1 Cobra Cult

P W D L F A
17 9 5 3 37 24

World Cup VII
Finals
L3-4 Malundar
W3-1 Liverpool England
W1-0 Kingsford
L2-4 Errinundera (AET)

P W D L F A
4 2 0 2 9 9

World Cup VIII
Qualifiers
W4-0 Sycoes
L1-2 Black Eagle Corps.
W2-1 Voyger
W2-0 Demonic Beings
D1-1 Quohog
D1-1 Sycoes
D0-0 Black Eagle Corps
D2-2 Voyger
D0-0 Demonic Beings
D1-1 Quohog

Finals
L1-2 Halfassedstates
L2-3 The Belmore Family
W3-1 Bullonien

P W D L F A
13 4 6 3 20 14

World Cup IX
Qualifiers
W2-0 Clearwater
L0-2 Lanky Dude
D1-1 Sensual Products
L0-1 East Spaam
D0-0 Timway
L0-1 Aquilla
W2-0 Spaam
W3-1 Clearwater
W3-1 Lanky Dude
W1-0 Sensual Products
W2-0 East Spaam
W3-2 Timway
D0-0 Aquilla
L0-1 Spaam

Finals
L1-2 The Belmore Family
D1-1 Oglethorpia
W1-0 Nikea

P W D L F A
17 8 4 5 20 13

World Cup 10
Qualifiers
W2-1 Svecia
W3-0 Dauragons
L1-2 Zinkoland
W3-0 Citta Acqua
L1-2 Dragonian Empire
W2-0 Davii
L0-1 Clearwater
W3-1 Ravenspire
W1-0 Svecia
W3-0 Dauragons
L2-3 Zinkoland
W2-0 Citta Acqua
W2-1 Dragonian Empire
W3-1 Davii
L0-1 Clearwater
D1-1 Ravenspire

Finals
L1-2 Lemmitania
W1-0 Total 'n Utter Insanity
W3-0 Commerce Heights
L0-1 Kingsford

P W D L F A
20 12 1 7 34 17

World Cup 11
Qualifiers
D0-0 Oddslavo
W1-0 Mattigool
W3-0 Lynnwoode
W2-0 Artemsia Absentia
W2-0 Ice Reavers
L0-2 Aquilla
W2-0 Big Butts
D0-0 Oddslavo
W4-1 Mattigool
W2-1 Lynnwoode
W2-0 Artemsia Absentia
W4-0 Ice Reavers
D1-1 Aquilla
D1-1 Big Butts

Finals
W1-0 Total n Utter Insanity
W3-2 Runaway Moose
W1-0 Kerla
L0-1 Europa Brittania

P W D L F A
18 12 4 2 29 9

World Cup XII
Qualifying
W2-1 EL CID THE HERO
D1-1 Iansisle
W4-0 Abysmalistan
L0-1 East Spaam
W4-2 James A Hollar
L1-2 Eaglet
W5-2 Gaddland
D2-2 EL CID THE HERO
W1-0 Iansisle
W2-0 Abysmalistan
L1-2 East Spaam
W1-0 James A Hollar
D0-0 Eaglet
D2-2 Gaddland

Finals
W2-1 NASTIC 2
L0-3 Oglethorpia
W3-1 Gesamkuntswerk
W2-1 Europa Brittania
W5-4 Squornshelous
W4-3 Commerce Heights
L1-1 Rejistania (1-1 AET, 2-3 on penalties)

P W D L F A
21 12 4 5 43 30

World Cup 13
Qualifiers
W2-0 Magnus Valerius
W2-0 Avenging Altos
W1-0 Free Radicals of Mu-Mu
L0-2 NEWI Cefn Druids
W4-0 Fahigland
L1-3 Bedistan
W2-0 Iansisle
W2-0 Dennisov
W3-0 Resistencia
W4-0 Magnus Valerius
W1-0 Avenging Altos
W1-0 Free Radicals of Mu-Mu
W4-1 NEWI Cefn Druids
D0-0 Fahigland
W1-0 Bedistan
D0-0 Iansisle
W1-0 Dennisov
W3-0 Resistencia

Finals
W2-0 Kerla
D1-1 Liverpool England
D0-0 Sliponia
L1-2 Spaam

P W D L F A
22 14 5 3 36 9

World Cup 14
Qualifying
W2-0 New Luca
D1-1 The Eagles Nest
L0-3 Total n Utter Insanity
D2-2 East Spaam
W2-1 Grand Master Mark
W3-1 New Montreal States
W1-0 Presgreif
W1-0 Larkinia
W2-0 Kendelstand

W3-1 New Luca
L0-2 The Eagles Nest
W2-1 Total 'n Utter Insanity
D1-1 East Spaam
W2-1 Grand Master Mark
W2-0 New Montreal States
W4-2 Presgrief
W2-1 Larkinia
W2-1 Kendelstand

Finals
W2-0 Kerla
L0-3 Brazillico
W1-0 Kaze Progressa
L0-1 Eauz

P W D L F A
22 15 3 4 35 22

World Cup 15
Qualifiers
W1-0 Isles of Wohlstand
L0-1 Commerce Heights
L0-1 Jerusalem
W1-0 Creedence Clearwater
W3-0 Raptor Claw
W3-0 Ineptia
W3-0 Kipto Mare
W3-0 Boscioto
W2-0 Sportonia

W1-0 Isles of Wohlstand
D1-1 Commerce Heights
W2-0 Jerusalem
W4-1 Creedence Clearwater
W2-1 Raptor Claw
W3-1 Ineptia
W2-0 Kipto Mare
W1-0 Boscioto
W2-0 Sportonia

Finals
D2-2 Kingsford
L0-2 Lovisa
W2-1 Aquilla

P W D L F A
21 16 2 3 38 11

World Cup 16
Qualifiers
W6-0 Adrasuvare
W3-2 Vilita
W2-1 Raptor Claw
W3-1 Redavic Union
D2-2 Hazlia
W4-1 Adrasuvare
W2-0 Vilita
D3-3 Raptor Claw
W1-0 The Redavic Union
W4-0 Hazlia

Finals
W3-0 Iansisle
D3-3 Oaker
D2-2 Kingsford
L0-2 Rejistania

P W D L F A
14 9 4 1 38 17

World Cup 17
Qualifiers
W3-0 Magnus Valerius
L0-1 Ebon Hawk
W3-2 Isles Of Wohlstand
W3-1 Big Pimento
L1-4 Squornshelous
W5-2 Cockbill Street
D0-0 The Weegies
W2-0 Magnus Valerius
W3-0 Ebon Hawk
W1-0 Isles of Wohlstand
D3-3 Big Pimento
D0-0 Squornshelous
D1-1 Cockbill Street
W3-1 The Weegies
W2-1 Halfassedstates

Finals
W2-1 Starblaydia
W5-4 NEWI Cefn Druids
W3-2 The Lowland Clans

P W D L F A
18 12 4 2 40 23

Audioslavia's all-time record
P W D L F A
225 132 45 48 399 191

Ranks for each world cup:
World Cup 1 - N/A
World Cup 2 - N/A
World Cup 3 - N/A
World Cup 4 - 100
World Cup 5 - 011
World Cup 6 - 040
World Cup 7 - 020
World Cup 8 - 013
World Cup 9 - 018
World Cup 10- 018
World Cup 11- 011
World Cup 12- 004
World Cup 13- 002
World Cup 14- 006
World Cup 15- 005
World Cup 16- 009
World Cup 17- 006

Pimentos Sneak Into Qualifiers

An eleventh hour deal was struck last night between FIFA and the Big Pimento Football Association, allowing the young nation to gain a birth in the qualifying campaign for the seventeenth running of the World Cup.

“It’s been all about baby steps for us,” said Geraldo Forte, president of the BPFA, grinning from ear to ear. “Reaching this stage was our goal from the start and anything from here on in is a bonus. We’ll get to play some of the best sides in the World and that’ll be great experience down the road for us. Our expectations are pretty modest because we really are just happy to be here.”

Big Pimento is clearly overmatched in their qualifying group, with all other teams possessing more international and club level experience than the young Pimento side. The Pimento’s first test will come against a veteran Weegies who are expected to unmercifully dismantle the Peppers. The current spread stands at 3.5 in favour of the Weegian side with many bookies predicting that it could increase prior to game time.

Starblaydia Placed in Group 9 of the 17th World Cup Qualifiers
Qualification looks Possible, Starblaydia's best chance so far

The Other Teams in the Group, with insightful comments by ex-Starblaydi Striker Nikola "Laser" Lazerevski, Starblaydia's current record Goal-scorer, with a tally of 15. Nikola will be taking part in our commentary team for this Qualification Group, so expect his rapier wit and cutting jibes to lighten up many-a Starblaydi Combined Broadcasting's report.

In a curious twist of fate, Starblaydia, Iansisle and Commerce Heights have been placed in the same group for the second World Cup Qualifiers running.

Group 9
1. Commerce Heights
2. Iansisle
3. Giant Zucchini
4. Starblaydia
5. Sarzonia
6. Oceaice
7. Liechtenistan
8. Pure Evil

The Lazerevski-Low-down on the other Seven Teams in Group Nine:

The Unified Capitalizt States of Commerce Heights
World Rank: 10th
Region: Terranordalis
Commerce Heightsian Roster (http://forums2.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=6986717&postcount=37)
http://www.starblaydestudios.co.uk/Images/CH.jpg
Laser's Comments: "Former World Champions, Commerce Heights are well worth their 10th ranking, with the financial muscle to bribe their way even higher, should they feel the need for it. Starblaydia have only managed 1 point from two matches against the CapitaliZts in the past."
Do Say: "That's a CapitaliZt idea!"
Don't Say: "That's a dirty CapitaliZt idea, Comrades! Onward CommuniZm!"


The United Kingdom of Iansisle
World Rank: 14th
Region: NPIG
http://www.nationstates.net/images/flags/uploads/iansisle.jpg
Laser's Comments: "With sporting match-ups between these two sides not being confined to the grassy pitch, and Iansisle seem to have the higher ranking for both. Pity, that."
Do Say: "Seagulls are shot at sea, you know."
Don't Say: "Starblaydia won the 5th Cherry Cup, you know."


The Stomping Grounds of Giant Zucchini
World Rank: 32nd
Region: United Powers
http://www.nationstates.net/images/flags/uploads/giant_zucchini.jpg
Laser's Comments: "Most noteable for their league's many foreign purchases, GZ are the first team up the rankings for Starblaydia that we should be trying to overhaul. It'll be tough, but like the shampoo-girls, worth it if we can beat the sentient vegetables."
Do Say: "My players are up for sale, you know."
Don't Say: "Anyone seen a blender around here?"


The Protectorate of Starblaydia
World Rank: 46th
Region: Atlantian Oceania
Starblaydi Roster (http://forums2.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=6979750&postcount=4)
http://www.nationstates.net/images/flags/uploads/starblaydia.jpg
Laser's Comments: "What else can I say but 'Come on Starblaydia!'?"
Do Say: "um, Come on Starblaydia!"
Don't Say: "3rd time is never the charm, you know."


The Incorporated States of Sarzonia
World Rank: 49th
Region: Atlantian Oceania
Sarzonian Roster (http://forums2.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=6982763&postcount=17)
http://www.nationstates.net/images/flags/uploads/sarzonia.jpg
Laser's Comments: "Fellow Atlantian-Oceanians and close rivals in the World Rankings since they won a Baptism of Fire, Sarzonia are a team we will have to outperform in our two matches to have any chance of qualifying. Our results may deicde which of us comes fourth in this Group."
Do Say: "This Group ain't big enough for the bAOth of us."
Don't Say: Anything with an AO-pun in it.


The Pirate's Cove of Oceaice
World Rank: 64th
Region: Stars
Oceaice Roster (http://forums2.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=6985857&postcount=31)
http://www.nationstates.net/images/flags/uploads/oceaice.jpg
Laser's Comments: "The Pirates of Oceaice will be swabbing the main-sail and unfurling the swashbucklers as they try to bolster their performances. Will their horse-like characteristics be as dark as their jolly-roger?"
Do Say: "Arr, Jim-lad."
Don't Say: "You have a-vast behind, matey"


The Humongous Nation of Liechtenistan
World Rank: (95th)
Region: Europe
Liechtenistan Roster (http://forums2.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=6984996&postcount=21)
http://www.nationstates.net/images/flags/uploads/liechtenistan.jpg
Laser's Comments: "Not very much seperates Liechtenistan from Pure Evil, so see them at the bottom of this group together, with Liechtenistan marginally the favourites for last-but-one."
Do Say: Ah, forget it, i can't think of anything
Don't Say: "The only thing humongous about you is your population."


The Nation of Pure Evil
World Rank: Non-Ranked (150th)
Region: World Socalist Alliance
http://www.nationstates.net/images/flags/poland--67.jpg
Laser's Comments: "Well they're a non-ranked team, so we shouldn't expect much of a qualification-charge from these boys."
Do Say: "You're really Evil, you know."
Don't Say: "I've seen Eviler."


MD00: .::WC17 Qualifying Schedule :: Starblaydi Stadia Announced ::.
MD01: Starblaydia Vs Pure Evil @ Victory Park, Vecchio (48,000 Capacity, Vecchio Victors)
MD02: Sarzonia Vs Starblaydia @ TBA
MD03: Starblaydia Vs Oceaice @ Hallad City Stadium, Hallad (51,000 Capacity, Hallad Reavers)
MD04: Liechtenistan Vs Starblaydia @ TBA
MD05: Giant Zucchini Vs Starblaydia @ TBA
MD06: Starblaydia Vs Iansisle @ Iota "Big Eye" Area, Penningworth (85,000 Capactiy, Penningworth United)
MD07: Commerce Heights Vs Starblaydia @ Capitalizm, Yu-Po (161,803 capacity)
MD08: Pure Evil Vs Starblaydia @ TBA
MD09: Starblaydia Vs Sarzonia @ Silverlands, Corinth (55,000 Capacity, Corinthian Spirits)
MD10: Oceaice Vs Starblaydia @ TBA
MD11: Starblaydia Vs Liechtenistan @ Bekkside Stadium, Tabeck (32,000 Capacity, Tabeck FC)
MD12: Starblaydia Vs Giant Zucchini @ Foundation Road, Jhanna (75,000 Capacity, Iskara Daii)
MD13: Iansisle Vs Starblaydia @ TBA
MD14: Starblaydia Vs Commerce Heights @ Jader Barbahlo Stadium, Jhanna (94,000 Capacity, Jhanna City)


Having assessed all the porbable scorelines, and factoring in any possible random, results, we expect Starblaydia's performance to result in: "A place in the 3rd Vs 4th play-off if things go to form or better. At that point, anything can happen. A bad performance will result in 5th or worse and no chance of Qualification for Starblaydia."

From: The KaMaRi Update

Orange-Blues in easy group

In the chaos, that the sikenian headquarter of the ASR becomes every four years (except when 'the Rejis' is hosting the world cup, then the chaos in even bigger form manifests in KaMari kali), the group draw was announced. The reactions however shifted over the years. In World Cup 9, 10 and 11, the general comment was: "How in the name of <insert favorite higher being here> can we qualify from that?!" later this shifted to: "Might not be too worse". this time it could be summarized as: "Can we win this group?" that the Orange-Blues will qualify from it, is most of the time simply assumed and people who question it are considered spoilers or uncurable pessimists. Coach Laxtu "LaxTa" Takil is one of them: "I know, many people already guess how high we will win against a team like Ravea, but I can only repeat: Even this games are important, even this games can be lost, even this games need a 100% performance. If we forget that, we will not qualify at all!"

Laxtu Takil comments on the oppponents:
Gesamtkuntswerk: A rather unimpressive team. You don't see them as favorites and tend to understimate them - and then you are lost. They are known for unbeaten runs in the qualifiers.

One Red Dot: Didn't we already...? Yes, in WC11, the Wolves and the Orange-Blues met already. A loss and a draw resulted from that.

Turori: A colorful team from Atlantian Oceania, which is rather new to the international scene. The turorian devotion to football and the political ties to host nation Vilita, make them aspirants to qualification. At least in my view.

Haperd: Not really a team I know.. I know they exist, but that's it.

Eystrck: Another nation, which is well, known, I might even say infamous for their love to colors, their LDish inheritance and their devotion to soccer. Despite this, I believe that they will miss qualification this time.

Pedriana: Giant Evil Spiders? (you see his face turn pale) No, I will not go there... (the reporter tells him that the Giant Evil Spiders are no longer running the nation) well, still I expect that match to be played by a group of ... substitutes of substitutes...

Ravea: Who are they?

According to the H1SR, the home matches against Gesamtkuntswerk, One Red Dot and Turori are going to take place in the Sen-La-Sa~o Relekhati Stadium, the home games against Haperd and Eystrck will take place in the Matix Veran Stadium in Matix Kali. Ravea will play the Orange-Blues in Lekeja Lines Stadium in KaMaRi Kali (in case you wonder why most matches take place in KaMaRi and Matix: These cities are large enough to have a their own 'group' of the H1SR). Due to high security issues, the home game against Pedriana will take place in the Hanane Lines Stadium. This stadium is located in the middle of nowhere, since the village Hanane and their team was abadonned, and has a capacity of only 1300 human fans.

The staff of the KaMaRi Update wishes the Orange-Blues enough luck to qualify, but not too much since that will be needed in the world cup.


Group 10
[ 2] Rejistania
[ 20] Gesamtkuntswerk
[ 23] One Red Dot
[ 45] Turori
[ 58] Haperd
[ 70] Eystrck
[130] Pedriana
[ NR] Ravea

Here she comes again:

The Reichsmarkia Times
Price depends on the time of the day you buy it

Llamas going to finish last
The Llamas have no chance to finish anywe else then last. If a big miracle would happen, this sort of miracle, which only happens once in 1000 years, the insane Llamas are going to finish near to a playoff place and if a really big miracle would happen ... no, there is a higher chance that the Totally Inflated Yens of today still have some worth tomorrow than that! Coach Ludwig Erhardt smiled slightly aand promised: "Despite lacking chances, don't misunderestimate us!"

*the rustling of a newspaper wakes us from our nap. we roll over towards the sound, and see two familiar figures. one is all in black and reading the paper, and the other is in burgundy robes and a midnight blue hooded cape, staring into the distance.*

- I see by the paper we're in Group 2.
- Huh? We're what, now?
- In Group 2.
- Group 2 of what?
- Why, qualifiers for the Cuppy Thing.
- Qual...
- Lifiers for the Cup...
- I heard you, lame brain. I just can't believe...you don't have a...if you...look, loon, just who is in Group 2? Who?
- Well, let's see - there's The Eagles Nest, and Svecia, and there's Halfassedstates...
- Who else
- Say's here El Cid the Hero, Northbank...say, that's interesting. I thought this was for football sides. I had no idea financial institutions could...
- Who else, peanut brain?
- Esth
- What?
- Esth
- When did you develop a lisp?
- No, Esth isth...er...is the name of another side.
- "Esth"
- Yesth.
- Who elth?
- Wapahkoneta
- Watch your language, bub!
- No, no... "Wapahkoneta"
- Gesundheit. Who elth...er...else, numnum?
- Well, that's all of 'em, Margaret.
- Not quite. Who else is in Group 2, you Mini-brained Minister you?
- Well...oh, of course...the Hooligans!
- What Hooligans.
- Well, our Hooligans, Margaret.
- We ain't got any Hooligans, slim.
- Why, of course we do. We...oh...my...
- Twit.
- Well, but...we just have to have Hooligans, Margaret. We're in the Cuppy Thing. What'll we do without Hooligans?
- Do ya suppose ya coulda thought of that about a minute before you sent in the entry form?
- Well, I suppose...
- No, what am I saying? You - think - in the same sentence.
- Rude! Why must you always be so rude?
- Dude, why must you always be so...
- ...stupid?
- Yeah, that'll do.
- Margaret?
- What?
- What are we gonna do?
- I guess we'll just have to scrap some hooligans together and make Hooligans out of 'em.

*once again, the mighty hooligans shall stalk the earth. or, walk the earth. or, perhaps "stumble" might be a better verb here.*

Furore in Oddslavo as 'Qualifiers' see them miss 10th cup

Oddslavo is in furore after unofficial 'qualifiers' (;)) saw them miss a 10th cup. As it is too dangerous to report from Barkeda, Oddslavo, this report comes from neighbouring West Midlands. Reports from inside Oddslavo suggest the government might order a curfew to stop the rioting. At least 10 people are known to have died.

____________________________________________________________________

"Erm, Paul..."

"Yes, Ha~e?"

"I think I found a replacement for me..."

"You don't sound confident."

"I'm not, for he is Sirx."

"Who's Sirz?"

"Sirx, Paul. Not Sirz. He was the former..."

"Former?"

"Abysmalistan coach."

"You've got to be joking."

"I'm not, Paul, unless you can find a better replacement...."

"All right. Call him in."

"Mr. Dussis"

"Yes, Sirx. I hear you were coach of the Abysmals."

"Abysmalistan."

"Yes, them. Well, I need you to top the group."

"Huh?"

"Ha~e, can you translate?"

"Sirx, he means being-last-if-seen-from-bottom."

"Oh."

"Uh, Paul?"

"Yes, Ha~e?"

"You kow how Abysmali the Abysmals are. I think you shold tell him to miss qualification, then he'll do the opposite.

"You very sure?"

"Yes."

"Okay, Sirx, I've changed my mind. I need you to finish outside of the qualifications spots. Is that possible?"

------------------------------------------------------------------------

Liverpool England Appoint Replacement to Ha~e Hangila: Sirx Appointed in Shock Move

The FALE have shocked the footballing world by announcing that former Abysmalistan coach Sirx has been appointed as successor to Rejistanian Ha~e Hangila. This is the third time the FALE have appointed a foreign coach, after Guy Picciotto (Oglethorpia) and Hangila. The group draw for World Cup 17 has been released, and Liverpool England have been drawn in Group 5 with Kingsford, whom the team met in WCs 7 in 14, Oglethorpia and Kipto-Mare other notable participants. Regia Anglorum is the only unseeded team in the group.

http://www.nationstates.net/images/flags/uploads/kylaai.jpgThe Reformed Islands of Kylaai


We will again be participating in the World Cup 17. We will miss playing against Fawcett City but hopefully Kylaai will be the ones who imporve this time around. We now have increased power and hope this power gives us strength on the field and we can win many matches this time. The Reformed Islands of Kylaai will be playing against the nations of Total n Utter Insanity, Tadjikistan, Lemmitania, NASTIC 2, Dennisov, Artoonia and Pterodactyl. We are not sure whether Pterodactyl will be birds or not. This will be the second time in a row that Kylaai will be playing in the first group. This time we will do better if we win more matches.

The Kylaai Team for the World Cup will be

Goalkeeper: Mandoo Nania
Defenders: Lital Tirar, Hito Burrito, Vito Frito, Max
Midfielders: Rising Sun, Macala Moria, Tennence Fleiam, Norada-Fell
Attackers: Mazu Kazu, Vlanti Vimorta

The Reformed Islands of Kylaai were not allowed to play in the World Cup until they became reformed, as they were previously known as the Nudest Islands of Kylaai and therefore they did not want to wear a Kit but they would not be allowed in the world cup playing without a Kit, but they have now reformed and have become Delegate so they will now wear a kit and participate in the world cup.

State of Football in Melmond
A New Hope
By Henry Kalangalangalang of the Melmond City Herald to the NationStates Football World

On paper, the footballing community in Melmond doesn’t have much to celebrate and look forward to. Melmond barely misses qualifying for the World Cup…again and barely misses winning the Cup of Harmony again. Just more near misses and disappointments for the Melmond National Team. But, alas…there is an ere of optimism within the football community of Melmond, like this time is truly Melmond’s moment to shine in the footballing world. Sure it was said right before World Cup 15 where “the team of destiny” made its infamous last minute flop, but this time they mean it.
Let us first look at the bustling Melmond Premier League. It looks as if they have found a successful blueprint for a nation not known for big time football can have one of the most competitive and strongest leagues in the world: small number of teams and low or no taxes. With few taxes, these young clubs can really spend to get the best foreign players to come to Melmond and with the Melmondian talent pool not stretched out at all, football fans in Melmond see very good quality football. That quality has been manifesting itself, as although it is in their home nation, Melmondian sides have been dominating the Melmondian Club Eliminational Invitational with three of the final four hailing from Melmond and either Aldi Reds or Acosta Browns to win the 32 million dollar prize at the end.
Now let us look at the international football scene. After a disappointing campaign under Manager Gerry Cheevers, Melmond was scouting within the nation and around the world for a new manager to finally take Melmond to the World Cup final. Assistant Manager David Bixler was named the interim manager for the Melmond National Team without much expectation. Then, the results kept on coming in, Melmond was not only winning, but dominating in the Cup of Harmony. David Bixler’s leadership really pushed the Melmond National Team to a potential that none have saw before. The team may have fallen short in penalty kicks to The Belmore Family in the final, but the team made such a great impression that David Bixler was given the full time position.
Despite the second place finish in the consolation cup, many of the Melmondian players who have retired from international football felt that they left coming off a very good showing and were rather happy for themselves. Melmond will have many roles to fill as they have many departures: Defender Phael Survigosis, Midfielders Rainy Zoulthane and Andrew Gore, and all four forwards Chris Owen, Benjamin Leeb, Mornakh the Bloody Handed, and Naol Keelafin. Andrew Gore, Mornakh the Bloody Handed, and Naol Keelafin retired from football proper. But there is a rather heralded young crop coming in for the Disappointments.
The Melmond National Team has not earned the nickname Fearless Farmers but can no longer call themselves the Under-a-Cheevers because Gerry Cheevers no longer manages the team. They now have the moniker of the Disappointements and still don the drab white and loser red uniforms they wore in the last World Cup qualifying campaign. Goalkeeper seems to be Melmond’s strongest position as both Snhp Xtfuinxm and Gina Unne are world class. Defence and midfield looks to be rather good with their mix of strong veterans and very talented young players. The biggest question is striker, with four players new to international experience. But if the players played under David Bixler’s guidance like they did in the Cup of Harmony, these young players should be playing extremely well.
With these high prospects for the Melmond Premier League, the national team, and an upcoming bid for World Cup 18, this may be Melmond’s time to shine in the footballing universe. We mean it this time.

Stars face tough Group 9 tests

The Sarzonian national team is once again facing a tough group in World Cup qualifying, trying to erase the bad memories of missing out by two points after earning the group lead with two matches remaining.

"This is going to be a brutal group, no question," Coach Bryan Marshall said. "We are facing two teams in the top 15 in the world in this group and we have a regional rival who beat us in the AOCAF tournament. Not only that, but Giant Zucchini is ranked 32nd. We are going to have to play terrific football to have anything approaching the same kind of success we had the first eight matches of the last World Cup qualifying."

Sarzonia travels to the group's top seed and world number 10 Commerce Heights for the first match of World Cup qualifying, then hosts fellow Atlantian Oceanian side Starblaydia in the second match.

"It's not going to be easy," midfielder and team captain Bobby Convey said. "We've got four brutal matches right off the bat, all against the top four teams in our group. We will get tested early."

The Stars are going into this World Cup competition without one of their familiar veterans. Center back Bryson Juergens retired after the AOCAF tournament loss to Vilita and new Sarzonian international Corey Hemby will start in his place, Marshall said. Hemby plays in the Starblaydian national league.

"He gives us a little bit more speed and a little more bite in his tackles," Marshall said. "We're going to lose a lot of international experience with Bryson gone, but we think we can make up for it. Besides that, he has some familiarity with the Starblaydian players so we'll try to use that to our advantage when we face them."

Reserve defender/midfielder Antonio Bresco also retired, and right-sided defender Lance Alcina has won a spot on the national team following tryouts.

"Alcina brings familiarity with the Blades and he's also on the same team (Hallad Reavers) as Emacio. We think that will only help if they're on the pitch together."

Many observers said the Stars benefitted from playing four of their first five matches at home in World Cup 16, but this time, the team says their biggest tests will come early.

"If we can still be in position later in the [qualifying] campaign, we have a chance," forward Brian Wilson said. "Our experience lately should only help us, but we're going to be facing some quality sides and we need to get the full three points whenever possible."

Eagles' Hopes Soar High Again
Rikardo Telino, Servo Novaĵa Artuana*, Sports Department
*Artoonian News Service

Following a poor season, finishing at 7-16-5, Arono Tomo resigned as manager of FK Ajmo, and under A.F.A. rules, was ruled ineligible to manage the Artoonian "Golden Eagles" national squad. Although the team came near to breaking the A.F.A. single-season scoring record, they did set a new record for points scored against. Fans attribute this to the loss of sweeper Eriko Ĝono to Kozinto, and (especially) keeper Aleĉjo Baĥo to arch-rival FK Lumo. Baĥo, with an impressive 8 clean sheets for the season with league champions Lumo, has stepped up as starter, replacing retired keeper Jariko Dudo. Tomo was replaced by FK Ajmo assistant manager Stebeno Lio.

This year's surprise player, however, is Patriko O-Liro, a junior marketing major at the University of Muzino. Artoonian Collegiate Athletic Federation (F.A.A.E.) rules permit his playing on the national squad, so long as he draws no salary for his participation.

Though most pundits place the Eagles as finishing sixth in the group at best, fans throughout The Empire have the highest hopes for their beloved footballers as they go to their fourth World Cup appearance.

Group 1 for the Tigers

Dushanbe - TNFF president Frunze was nervous when the groups were drawn, afraid to meet teams that beat us in the past. But then when the names came out, he didnt know whether he should be afraid or happy. Most of the teams in the group are unknown to Tadjikistan. Ion Yakir, former National team coach, comments: "As usual, a group with teams we never met before, exept for Dennisov and Artoonia. And even those could turn out to be completely different from our past encounters with them. We played against Dennisov in WC13Q and lost twice. We met them again in WC15Q and sent them home with their pants down. They've lost much of their strength since WC15 and are now no more then outsiders, but like i said, they could turn out to be completely different from what we've seen in the past"

What about Artoonia? We played against them before, have they grown stronger? "They are stronger then in WC15, when we defeated them but i dont expect them to qualify this time, they are outsiders. We should not be afraid of them, just cautious they dont surprise us"

Pterodactyl and Kylaai are teams i've never heard of before. The name NASTIC 2 rings a bell but i dont know much of their previous achievements, they might show up in the top 3, we'll have to see about that. I'll be watching their first matches. I'll do the same for Lemmitania, they are the biggest threat to Tadjikistans qualification. And if i have some time, i'll watch tapes from Total n Utter Insanity's first matches. TnUI is the strongest team in the group and i expect them to qualify in first position.

Where will Tadjikistan end? " I hope second, atleast 3rd. It would be a true disaster if the Tigers failed to qualify. Even 3rd would be bad but still good enough to qualify, offcourse we'd have to win that play-off game"


MD1: Tadjikistan - Kylaai
MD2: Artoonia - Tadjikistan
MD3: Tadjikistan - Pterodactyl
MD4: Dennisov - Tadjikistan
MD5: Total n Utter Insanity - Tadjikistan
MD6: NASTIC 2 - Tadjikistan
MD7: Tadjikistan - Lemmitania
MD8: Kylaai - Tadjikistan
MD9: Tadjikistan - Artoonia
MD10:Pterodactyl - Tadjikistan
MD11:Tadjikistan - Dennisov
MD12:Tadjikistan - Total n Utter Insanity
MD13:Tadjikistan - NASTIC 2
MD14:Lemmitania - Tadjikistan

Tadjikistan: Top three qualify, straight.

Tadjikistan: Top three qualify, straight.

Liverpool Englanders fail to read rules for second Cup in a Row
Starblaydia Thankful for Play-off rule, it makes us more likely to Qualify

After the debacle of assuming Away Goals were the deciding factor in the Colony Cup, Liverpool England Officials again got the wrong end of the stick after misreading the World Cup 17 Rulebook.

The rules for qualification in fact state that the Third- and Fourth-Placed teams will play-off aginst each other, something the Starblaydi fans are grateful for, as this means they would not have to overhaul higher-ranked teams in the Group play. A play-off against a team such as Giant Zucchini would be a last-chance saloon for Starblaydia, assuming they don't out-point teams such as Commerce Heights and Iansisle, let alone their neighbours Sarzonia.


"The Top Two Teams in each group after 14 Matchdays will advance to the World Cup Finals in Kaze Progressa & Vilita. The Third and Fourth placed teams in each group will compete in a one-off Playoff, to be played in the stadium of choice of the Third placed team, to also earn a place in the Finals."

[OOC: btw, LE, this is my way of keeping OOC 'chatter' to a minium, and please take this post in the light-hearted manner it is intended.]

Another World Cup Another Chance

the end of a World Cup without Dennisov participating for the first time in 13 attempts meant that football has fallen even further down the scales of sport popularity in Dennisov. With baseball and icehockey dominating the sports calender, the Chairman of the Dennisov Football Association stepped down this morning. Her successor is at this time not yet appointed, but both Dennisov's manager as most of her players have decided that football is no longer satisfying enough for them. This means that the Dennisov FA is now without a boss, manager and players. How times have changed.

A look at the group from which Dennisov will try and qualify looks daunting, even more for a country without a proper team. A former champion fallen hard from her pedistal, the new people in the Dennisov FA have their work cut out for them, even qualification would be nothing less than a miracle.
Some names mentioned to take up the mantle of Dennisov FA chairman are Jody Elbaz, Melvina Caillier and Kristopher Hives. Both mrs. Elbaz and mrs. Caillier have earned their reputation in Dennisov's Elite Hockey League, mr. Hives, a well known character in sports reporting, has stated that Dennisov should and would make its way back up the World Cup ladder. A mere shadow of her former stature, Dennisov better bring a lunch pack if it wants to keep climbing that ladder.

Tadjikistan: Top three qualify, straight.
So one would have thought.

But the first post says top 2 qualify, and the 3rd & 4th sides have a match to decide who the third qualifier is.

...er...said the Minister of Statistics, Other Totally Useless Information, and Band Aids.

EL CID NEWS.
NEWS YOU CAN USE.

sports news

After months of discussion the ECFA (el cids football asosiation) has produced a roster for it football teem. For the first time in it's world cup history El Cid's oponents will know who the team is.

"We thought it would give us the advantage of suprise," said former El Cid coach Roy Croft, but it caused mass confusion between the ECFA and the world cup association

could this be a new age of relations between the ECfA and the WCA?
El Cid former minister of sport and football pundit Ronald Regession said it will.

in other football news Chris Skinner, El Cid's new football manager, has commented on his team's chances in this competition. "the team did well last world cup". said Chris in a CID NEWS exclusive, "we were in a very difficult group and i think 3rd i find was very good for the team's confidence. We are in group 2 again this year and I hope we can repeat the feat of last world cup or go beyond it.".

we will be keeping an eye on the team's progress throughout this competition
as well as the results of the tournement maches

Matchday 1:The Eagles Nest v El Cid the Hero
Matchday 2:El Cid the Hero v Halfassedstates
Matchday 3:Snub Nose 38 v El Cid the Hero
Matchday 4:El Cid the Hero v Svecia
Matchday 5:El Cid the Hero v Northbank
Matchday 6:Esth v El Cid the Hero
Matchday 7:El Cid the Hero v Wapahkoneta
Matchday 8:El Cid the Hero v The Eagles Nest
Matchday 9:Halfassedstates v El Cid the Hero
Matchday 10:El Cid the Hero v Snub Nose 38
Matchday 11:Svecia v El Cid the Hero
Matchday 12:Northbank v El Cid the Hero
Matchday 13:El Cid the Hero v Esth
Matchday 14:Wapahkoneta v El Cid the Hero


so keep reading El Cid news for all the info you need for this world cup

THE CELESTIA TIMES

~------------------Sports News------------------~

World Cup:Esth in Group 2
Esth will be participating for the first time at one of the most important sports events.
In Group 2 Esth will be facing the following teams:
The Democratic Republic of The Eagles Nest http://www.nationstates.net/images/flags/albania--74.jpg
Ranked 4th in the World Ranking,it is the toughest team to beat.
The Eagles Nest roster:
Coach: Josh Adams
Asst. Coach: Nelornyn Tir'ein
Goalkeeper: Boyd Gregor
Defenders:
Syndeera Halker
Oline Somia
Leonard Holst
Amagor Sedour
Midfielders:
Garric Ashallond, Jr.
Glim Graerstiow
Horace
Strikers:
Mario Grotunia
Siggy Secour
Weber Strong
Reserves:
GoalKeepers: Loen Brown
Defenders:
Wogor Rebor
Midfielders:
Aman Dedur
Begr Creeker

The Federation of Svecia http://www.nationstates.net/images/flags/uploads/svecia.jpg
Another hard team to beat,Svecia is an experienced team and will fight for the qualification.

The Frost-Free Borderlands of Snub Nose 38 http://www.nationstates.net/images/flags/uploads/snub_nose_38.jpg
Ranked 31st in the WR

The Briefly Absent Commonwealth of Halfassedstates http://www.nationstates.net/images/flags/martinique.jpg
Ranked 36th in the WR

The True Civil Rights Lovefest of EL CID THE HERO http://www.nationstates.net/images/flags/spain.jpg
Ranked 54th in the WR

The Gooner Protectorate of Northbank http://www.nationstates.net/images/flags/uploads/northbank.jpg
Ranked 71st in the WR

The Free Land of Wapahkoneta http://www.nationstates.net/images/flags/uploads/wapahkoneta.jpg

Esth will play with the following roster:
--------------------Men’s National Team Roster:
*Goalkeepers:
(1)Robert Wolhfgang: Age “29” ; Team: Imperial FC
(22)Andrea Zollino: Age “19” ; Team: Imperial FC
(12)Shinji Wakamura: Age “25” ; Team: Nakigoa Marine

*Defenders:
(2)Japp Van De Hoege: Age “23” ; Team: New Hollandia FC
(3)Dimitriv Kasperskas: Age “26” ; Team: Rapid Bislig
(4)Ditemke Matumba: Age “21” ; Team: Athletic Pana Dis
(5)Edoardo Torres: Age “25” ; Team: AS Teodora
(14)Maurice Gendarmerie : Age “25” ; Team: Nakigoa Marine
(25)Jesus Merreira Vega: Age “32” ; Team: Esthian Army FC

*Midfielders:
(6)Vitalijs Smikovski: Age “28” ; Team: Athletic Pana Dis
(7)Dimitri Garceau: Age “21” ; Team: New Hollandia FC
(8)Learhkos Bourikas: Age “24” ; Team: AS Teodora
(9)Matityaho Shifman: Age “27” ; Team: Mishvrat FC
(32)Alberto Lancione: “24” ; Team: AS Teodora
(72)Mikhail Lodrap: “23” ; Team: Imperial FC

*Attackers:
(11)Roberto Fabien Castello: Age “18” ; Team: Imperial FC
(15)Clinton Discroll: Age “21” ; Team: New Hollandia FC
(10)John Kearney: Age “23” ; Team: Sarangani United
(34)Li Ho Su: Age “30” ; Team: Celestia Royals
(66)Ahmed Rahmet: Age “27” ; Team: Mishvrat FC
(89)Masahiro Saruwatari: Age “25” ; Team: Nakigoa Marine

propable winners of the group will be Eagles Nest,followed by Svecia or Snub Nose;qualification will be pretty hard but team coach Astinghof assures "if we manage to play good against the strongest of the group,qualification will not be only a dream"

WC17 Qualification Groups Drawn

The qualification groups for the 17th World Cup have been drawn with Liechtenistan put in Group 9 with the following teams

Group 9
[ 10] Commerce Heights
[ 14] Iansisle
[ 32] Giant Zucchini
[ 46] Starblaydia
[ 49] Sarzonia
[ 64] Oceaice
[ 95] Liechtenistan
[ NR] Pure Evil

Liechtenistan will start off with very tough games against the three highest ranked teams in the group, before hoping to make home advantage count in a run of five games at Rheinpark Stadion.

Giant Zucchini Vs. Liechtenistan
Liechtenistan Vs. Iansisle
Commerce Heights Vs. Liechtenistan
Liechtenistan Vs. Starblaydia
Liechtenistan Vs. Pure Evil
Liechtenistan Vs. Sarzonia
Liechtenistan Vs. Oceaice
Liechtenistan Vs. Giant Zucchini
Iansisle Vs. Liechtenistan
Liechtenistan Vs. Commerce Heights
Starblaydia Vs. Liechtenistan
Pure Evil Vs. Liechtenistan
Sarzonia Vs. Liechtenistan
Oceaice Vs. Liechtenistan

Manager Stephane Kopetsch announced a team exactly the same as that which played in the BoF and gave his hopes for the tournament.

"This will a tough task to come away with a place in the final. Nevertheless, we will try and our aim will be positive for fourth place. We will need to make home advantage count during the run of games at Rheinpark Stadion and if we can upset any of the team in our first three matches then that we be a very welcome bonus.

Hopefully Stephen (Riemenschneider) can show his potential during the qualifications along with many of the young players in the side."

Raptors Ready to Claw Opposition

The Raptors will again go into the World Cup qualifiers with a dissapointing run of results on their back. Again the Raptors missed out on World Cup Finals and again are not favored to advance from their group. The results have worse been as Raptor Claw were not to qualify even while hosting the Cup of Harmony tournament. Some teams that were in the Raptor Claw during the Cup of Harmony are also in this group, so it is likely at least one of us will not be in the Cup of Harmony again. It will likely be close between The Belmore Family, Crystilakere and Raptor Claw for the playoff position. The Raptors are hoping to win their qualifying group and perform well in the finals for the first time.

The Raptor Claw Goalkeeper, Gonnast Opyou, from Tonka City in Giant Zucchini, has been National team keeper for many seasons now, improving at every attempt. The Raptor Claw Defense is led by Imapla Yindabak, also from the South Island Clan The towering central defender is a menace to all that approach. Partnering this Raptor in Central defense is Iwilltac Kleyou, from the rejuvinated Central Island Clan. This Raptor is the first to make the National team from the Central Island Clan since the horrific dismembering of the clan prior to World Cup 14. Playing as Wing backs will be Makapla Yupdaline and Overla Pinrun, both from the East Island Clan and regulars in the Raptors Lineup. The Raptor Claw midfield is led by Captain Imdalea Der, the experienced Raptor from the North Island Clan is an important fixture in the Raptors lineup every time they step out onto the pitch. Partnering Der in the Center of Midfield is Contro Lindaplae, also of the North Island Clan. On the left wing is the pacey Runni Nondaside from the West Island Clan and on the right wing, one of the most prolific Raptor goalscorers, Maki Narun from the South Island Clan. The Raptor Claw strike force is the frequently troublesome duo of Imat Arget and Runni Naroun. both from the East Island Clan.

Group 6
[ 5] Europa Brittania
[ 12] Tanah Burung
[ 29] The Belmore Family
[ 35] Crystilakere
[ 48] Raptor Claw
[ 67] Dead Man
[116] Omniworld
[137] Mikele

OOC: Big Pimento, I'm going to be an uber-pedant here, just because, well... I am an uber-pedant. For tedious historical reasons which we won't go into here, people and things coming from the Weegies are Weegie, not Weegian. Sorry, but my Grammar Nazism is not confined to real words. ;)

The Buchanan Herald
The Truth Shall Make Ye Free.

Comment and Opinion - Sport.

New Team Faces Interesting Task
Is New Manager Up To It? by Jamie Smith

Group 4
[6] Audioslavia
[11] Squornshelous
[24] Cockbill Street
[41] The Weegies
[50] Magnus Valerius
[65] Ebon Hawk
[89] Isles Of Wohlstand
[NR] Big Pimento

And so, we face another ardous qualifying campaign. Flamboyant manager Jonathan Lyle is out by an overwhelming vote by the WFA after the angry Supporter's Association demonstration outside Footballing House, we've got a team composed of new fresh-faced youngsters, including the interesting defensive pair of the Fulton twins, and some good matches coming up. But wait, you ask. How can you be seeming so upbeat, considering the horrendous patch that the Weegie side have gone through recently?

The answer is simple. I am, of course, masking my inner terror as a football fan, noting that we have a manager that is as experienced as a Demo-Bobylonian soldier, a team composed of mostly kids, and a WFA that basically followed an "anyone but Lyle" approach to control of the national side... Inside, I'm wetting myself, exceptionally wishing death among the head honchos up at Footballing House, tearing my already sparse hair out at a team I really know in to the bottom of my heart that are going to disappoint me to the point where my heart will be irrepairably shattered in two as another small side puts a tap-in past a fumbling, bumbling goalie...

You know, you weren't supposed to hear that. You were supposed to hear songs of happy-happy joy-joy, extolling the virtues of new talent triumphing over inexperience, because that's what we all want to hear. And that's what we believe too, deep down. We football fans play an interesting game of doublethink - we know categorically that we're going to fail to qualify in spectacular fashion. Yet we also know - not just feel, know - that this time next year our team will have played every team off the park and will be lifting a trophy back home to Mackintosh, and we will be there, revelling with thousands of others. We wallow in misery and self-pity, yet glory in arrogance and ambition. We are the ultimate schizophrenics, veering between ecstacy and agony often within minutes of each other, or at least, no more than ninety. If teams could pick their fans, we would be the last people they would choose, for we are unstable, and demand the impossible.

As for the Weegie team's chances? Who knows? They are as unpredictable and schizophrenic as we are, veering between the sublime and the absurd. But we can be assured that, whatever the outcomes of the Qualifying, at least it won't be boring.

Jamie Smith played professional football for the Mackintosh Armadillos and the Weegie national side, captaining them to their first, and only, World Cup Final appearance. He now coaches the U21's Armadillos side, and writes for various sporting columns.

Melmond Football Association Demands Relocation of Matches Against The Evil Umpire

In great fear that The Evil Umpire will do a full scale attack of any Melmondians in sight, which could be devastating to the nation whether a match is played in Melmond or The Evil Umpire, the Melmond Football Association is asking the World Cup authorities to allow the matches to be in a neutral site for safety purpose. "We are very scared of the calamities 8-Bit and his cronies cause and we fear that our players and our fans may actually get killed if the matches are played in The Evil Umpire and Melmond," says MFA Princess Tasa Seegwun. She continues, "with a neutral site and lots and lots and lots and lots and lots of security, The Evil Umpire cannot overpower the Melmond team and kill them in their own nation nor go for maximum Melmondian casualties in the match in Melmond. There has been bad blood between these two nations, mainly on The Evil Umpire's side. The Evil Umpire was founded by a group of disgruntled Melmondians called the Asshatians, who wanted a nation that didn't grant its citizens free will and forced its people to follow the cultures and traditions they want. They left for a remote part of Holy India in which they teamed up with the blood-thirsty Vamphir people and the black-and-white loud decision making Umphir people, thus the Unholy Alliance of The Evil Umpire. Melmond would welcome anyone from The Evil Umpire back, but realizes the security risk of a loyal Evil Umpirese entering the nation.

The Punic Observer - Late Breaking News, Arsene Wenger signs to Carthage and Troy!

In a bid to raise morale after Carthage and Troy was drawn into the 'Group of Death' with high ranking teams like Bedistan, Lovisa and Krytenia, the Carthage and Troy Football association have managed to land the deal of the century. They have signed none other than Arsene Wenger, the great French Football Manager.

http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v358/garethmann/wengerRed.jpg

Arsene Wenger made the following statement at a press conference yesterday:

'I have seen the team in action, and I believe that they have a lot of spirit and with the right training, they could possibly get out of this tough group, and if that happens, anything is possible'

Oaker Sharks

Stadium: Pinealla International Stadium

Roster:

Carrin Oaker (GK), Torry Oaker (GK), Stef Oaker (D), Gray Oaker (D), Mitel Oaker (D), Lenny Oaker (D), Tabby Oaker (D), Scott Oaker (M) Freddy Oaker (M), Sport Oaker (M), Venus Oaker (M), Arthin Oaker (M), Kelvin Oaker (M), Raven Oaker (M), Flash Oaker (F), Tip Oaker (F), Cats Oaker (F), Pond Oaker (F)


FOAKER FEVER ATTACKS THE GLOBE

Flash Oaker has reportedly been admitted for treatment into an Oaker hospital due to extreme flu-like symptoms after a trip to Kingsford. The new virus has been dubbed the 'foaker fever' and word has it that it is spreading quickly around the world. Cases of foaker fever have been reported as far away as Esth and Bedistan, as well as sporatic cases in Starblaydia. The worst outbreak occurred in the Emerald Heights region where Kingsford, Oglethorpia and Tanah Burung suffered heavy setbacks, while the nation of Brazillico was a complete loss. The impact of foaker fever multiplied after the world cup groups were drawn, and it was learned that the Oaker Sharks would once again be drawn with Melmond. Last time out Melmond were favorites and Oaker swept the series. Now, the Sharks are favored and plan on doubling their win total over Melmond. The Sharks will also face world cup champion Eauz and a box of lunch meat, along with some teams that Oaker will beat.


Group 3
[ 1] Eauz
[ 16] Spaam
[ 33] Oaker
[ 42] Melmond
[ 59] The Evil Umpire
[ 77] Slaikau
[ 96] Qia
[ NR] Insane Inflation


Thats all from Oaker today, tune in for more on matchday 1!

http://www.ohiocoaster.com/wapahkonetafootballlogo.GIF

Ain't got a Dime To My Name...

The Wapahkoneta Braves, as they've been nicknamed by the rest of the world, or m'weowas (wolves) as they're known at home, start out in a hard place for their first world cup. After capriciously qualifying for WC17 by a win on a whim 2-1 against Vollmeria, they come in full force with an international experience of 4 wins and 3 losses under their belt.

Will their whole heartedness be enough to carry them past 14 losses? They did manage a valient 2-0 win against heavily favored Avenging Altos in the playoff stage of the Colony Cup, but it wasn't enough to save them, the braves had lost 5-2 in the first match and missed out on Aggregate.

The Braves do sport a strong side and a few traditions, including a ceremonial pre-match war dance to frighten the enemy. Their side is relatively young, but features legends of the Alagwa such as Ationokonee or Wesekahnee. The roster is as follows:

GK - Ationokonee - P'catewah Metequeghke (Black Forest)
DF - Spencialawbe Ho'kani Hilena'kwi (Bonebow)
DF - Missemediqueety - Tame Hotewe (Corn Town)
DF - Aweekonee - Sakoka Tekhaaka (Flint Tomahawk)
MD - Wawahchepaehai - Thiipii Hotewe (River Town)
MD - Maunahpeykaw - Moni Maanethi (Silverknife)
MD - Sowahquothe - Cawasque Miyeewi (Wheatpath)
MD - Baptikutee - Cakiwiikiwa Hotewe (Cabin Town)
FW - Wesekahnee - Moni Maanethi (Silverknife)
FW - Nawahtahtha - M'tekwa M'kota (Gunpowder)
FW - Eyengeking - Ho'kani Hilena'kwi (Bonebow)

Subs:
GK - Hokantitakarchi - Caswasque Miyeewi (Wheatpath)
DF - Kekanathuko - Nepipemi Hotewe (Salt Town)
MD - Chikatakyen - Shemanese Wiil'tekwi (White Man Scalp)
FW - Tegosbea - Moni Maanethi (Silverknife)


Wapahkoneta has a tough 17 games, but they should make it out alive, even with a few wins.

Fly on, little wing.

The Aeropag Tribune - Proud supporters of Communist Heights fiscal policy
Capitalizts "Looking Forward" To Playing Rivals Iansisle, Starblaydia, and Giant Zucchini
YU-PO, NN - The Capitalizts, having been knocked out of World Cup 16 by Bedistan in a match that seems to be only a few days ago, recently received their schedule for World Cup 17 qualifying. The team will play 3 teams that they have already met, as well as one which the HypercapitaliZts met, in a heated competition to grab 2 spots in the Cup and 2 spots in the playoffs. Starblaydia, Iansisle, and Giant Zucchini will be the primary contenders for the qualifying slots, but Sarzonia could easily steal one from Starblaydia or Iansisle. Giant Zucchini, the team that kept CH out of World Cup 11, is expected to be the toughest opponent, but the players are highly confident in their ability to win. Though everybody expects that the Capitalizts will top the group, recently-hired coach Rejis'slani'ny, a former Abysmali citizen, stated that they "will have to work hard if they are to finish last - but we don't expect many not-a-loss-and-not-a-draw-but-the-game-was-playeds." His translator, a refugee from Belmorian Scandinavia, thought that this meant that they "will have to work hard if they are to top the group - but we don't expect many losses". The CHFF has asked several independent experts to carefully review the translation, avoiding any possible misinterpretation.

Schedule:
Day Opponent Location City Capacity Result
1 Sarzonia Chan Mrzigod Memorial Stadium New Lexington, LM 83,521
2 Oceaice TBA TBA, Oceaice N/A
3 Liechtenistan Noka Communications Stadium Aeropag, NJ 80,000
4 Pure Evil TBA TBA, PE N/A
5 Iansisle Chorion Industries Stadium Chorion Bluffs, CH 90,000
6 Giant Zucchini TBA TBA, GZ N/A
7 Starblaydia Capitalizm Yu-Po, NN 161,803
8 Sarzonia Hendrix Stadium Woodstock, Sarzonia 74,320
9 Oceaice Unity Stadium International City 75,000
10 Liechtenistan TBA TBA, Liechtenistan N/A
11 Pure Evil Maxisoft Stadium Commerce Heights, CT 98,000
12 Iansisle TBA TBA, Iansisle N/A
13 Giant Zucchini Cliff Broquard National Stadium Commerce Heights, CT 135,000
14 Starblaydia Jader Barbahlo Stadium Jhanna, Starblaydia 94,000
Note: LM = Lower Manhattan, NJ = Northern Jativa, CH = Chorion, CT = Capital Territory, NN = North Neosokojito (Capitalizt state names)

The Regia Anglorum Ministry of Sport Announces its line up for the countrys first ever World Cup.

GK : David 'The Cat' Green
DL: John Vaugn
DC: Steven Chelidze
DC: Ian Taylor
DR: Danny Gibbidon
ML: James Mulner
DMC: Christian Triori (Captain)
MC: James Ehlander
MR: William McMaster
FC: John Stead
FC: Tim Janster

In a press conference the team manager Steve Gordon Orangeson annouced his expectations for the Cup.
"I think if we play well we can proceed for sure, we are underdogs which is to our advantage, I think we will suprise our opponents".

In an off the record conversation, assistant manager Tord Gripe Described the other members of the group as "A bag of S***E who cant tackle or pass, Ive seen better balance and ball control from a pregnant Yak".

Stars Aim to Climb New 'Heights'

The Sarzonian national team began the final stages of preparations for the opening World Cup qualifying match against 10th ranked and top seeded Commerce Heights with a chip on their shoulders.

"Didn't one of their colonies accuse us of foul play," midfielder Darwin Russell asked. When reminded of the report by HypercapitaliZm that didn't reflect the action of the match, Russell bristled.

"We should be motivated enough to play them without using that to add incentive," Russell said after a long pause. "But you can rest assured that we'll be mindful of any accusations of foul play."

Coach Bryan Marshall announced that he would consider lineup changes right up until kickoff of upcoming matches, but the team would play its established starters in the first match against Commerce Heights.

"We need all of our available bullets for this fight," Marshall said. "We can't afford to experiment in the opening match of a World Cup qualifying campaign. We want to set a tone for the rest of the tournament with this match."

Midfielder Bobby Convey turned his ankle slightly at the beginning of training and was held out as a precaution, but told the trainers, "I'm playing, no matter what," when he was taken off the training grounds.

"If this were a friendly or if we were already qualified, I might sit out, but we need this game badly," Convey said. Convey said the team didn't announce an alternate captain, but "[forward Brian Wilson] is clearly next in line.

"Willsie is a team leader. Plain and simple. If I can't go, he's the next best person to wear the [captain's] armband."

Marshall declined to comment about any other matches, notably the two matches against regional rival Starblaydia.

"Our complete focus right now is on Commerce Heights," Marshall said. "To talk about Starblaydia now when we're facing the 10th best team in the world is sporting suicide."

The team announced the Matchday Two location for the home fixture against Starblaydia and the Matchday Eight tilt against Commerce Heights would both be in the nation's capital Woodstock. The Starblaydia match will be at the 32,500 seat Palestra, home of the three time SFC champions Woodstock Wild and the Commerce Heights match would be at newly refurbished Hendrix Stadium, which seats 74,320.

We will be pleased to be playing with Liverpool England and Regia Anglorum. All the best to each of you.

How do I change the colors of my font?

Ankh-Morpork C-mail

Tough Qualifying Charge for Street
Strange Rules Means Top Two Finish Is Paramount

The Cockbill Street Department of Sports must take tough note of all opponents this year, it seems. In what is probably the toughest qualifying group the Street have ever played in (World Cup 15, when they lost out to Lovisa, naturally doesn't count), the Street face big names such as World Cup 15 finalist Squornshelous, World Cup 12 finalist Audioslavia, and well known nations such as The Weegies, Magnus Valerius. Three plucky outsiders complete the group: Big Pimento, a highly talented side who lacks some organisation, Ebon Hawk, a relatively poor and unknown team, and Isles of Wohlstand, who seems to be more keen on flouting guns than footballs.

Some squads are still unknown, and hence it is difficult to do a preview. But we have tried to form a picture, and our correspondents have reported:

Audioslavia - world rank 6th

Should need no further presentation. A class side from keeper to strikers, they are expected to walk the group. Some of the new players might not be used to the offensive tactics used at this level, as they played an extremely defensive 8-1-1 during the U-21 championship last year.

Player to watch: 23-year-old Khully Tanner - who seems to be the creative force on the midfield. Definitely someone whom Johnny Howard and the central defenders need to be aware.

Squornshelous - world rank 11th

World Cup finalist eight years ago, they were not so impressive in the last cup, where they crashed 0-3 in the second round after winning their first round group. The Pschychoes will nevertheless be a fearsome opponent, particularly at home, where they are expected to be cheered on by their mad fans.

The Weegies - world rank 41st

A completely new side with an average age of 19.1 face the Streeters. Their football talent is indubitable, but perhaps players like Rikki Stone, Thorgeirr Axewielder and Bjorn Spearthrower will get the edge on experience. However, a play-off against them could get interesting.

Player to watch: 21-year-old Jackie Lindau, already a regular at Mackintosh Thistle Celtic, the best club in the Weegies.

Magnus Valerius - world rank 50th

Cockbill Street have struggled with the Boyars, drawing them twice in the dismal World Cup 15 qualifiers, who have always seemed to be a team who has underperformed slightly (so unlike our dear Streeters). A nation similar, in technology at least, to our own, will be friendly welcomed for Cockbill Street first big match-up.

Player to watch: Well, their latest squad are all getting very, very old. Probably 28-year-old Alexandre Tintagel, one of very few left from the team that frustrated the Street - let's hope they remember him.

Ebon Hawk - world rank 65th

Probably the team that's feared less by the Street in this championship. We know what they stand for, and frankly, they really shouldn't be a problem.

Player to watch: Hopefully, their goalkeeper.

Isles of Wohlstand - world rank 89th

An erratic team, who may play up to the world's best one day and awful the next. Also, they have a habit of chanting military songs on the field, and their coach have been seen threating his players at gunpoint. Apparently a very weapon-loving nation.

Big Pimento - world rank 200th

A team who favours a classic System Karela, they are not to be underestimated. They were admitted to the World Cup at the very last second, having lost a friendly to Turori 2-4, and are as yet unproven.

Player to watch: Jalapeno Lewis, captain and anchor in the defense. Probably the player Rikki needs to be better than on the day.

Matchday 1: Cockbill Street v Isles of Wohlstand - K'haz'bak K'druz'ba D'gazh'dukh
Matchday 2: Big Pimento v Cockbill Street
Matchday 3: Cockbill Street v Magnus Valerius - Vimesbairn National Stadium
Matchday 4: Ebon Hawk v Cockbill Street
Matchday 5: Cockbill Street v The Weegies - Vimesbairn National Stadium
Matchday 6: Cockbill Street v Audioslavia - Vimesbairn National Stadium
Matchday 7: Squornshelous v Cockbill Street
Matchday 8: Isles of Wohlstand v Cockbill Street
Matchday 9: Cockbill Street v Big Pimento - Vimesbairn Cricket Ground
Matchday 10:Magnus Valerius v Cockbill Street
Matchday 11:Cockbill Street v Ebon Hawk - Roegrow Grass Patch
Matchday 12:The Weegies v Cockbill Street
Matchday 13:Audioslavia v Cockbill Street
Matchday 14:Cockbill Street v Squornshelous - Vimesbairn National Stadium

Arsene Wenger lists the Carthage and Troy squad:

1 Jiram Hampsicora Goalkeeper
32 Joey Sirom Goalkeeper
7 Salicar Savioli Right Wing
6 Hector do Caracas Central Midfield
8 Quim Cardona Left Wing
11 Alexandros Zinnridi Central Midfield
16 Abdalonymus Da Silva Central Midfield
10 Admago al-Jazar Defensive Midfield
23 Gino Janucci Striker
9 Dani Garcia Striker
12 Aenas Laomedon The 'Trojan Horse' Striker
22 Hasdrubal Astro Central Defender
4 Eshmunazar Fierelus Central Defender
5 Bomilcar Kandaulo Central Defender
2 Baalhaan Nunyez Right Back
3 Hamilax Astegal Left Back
21 Haggith Abimiki The 'Desert Fox' Right Back

We will be playing a 5-4-1 formation.

Here is our kit:

http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v358/garethmann/c_t1.gif

Arsene Wenger lists the Carthage and Troy squad:

We will be playing a 5-4-1 formation.

Here is our kit:



Please post your rosters in the designated Rosters Thread (http://forums2.jolt.co.uk/showthread.php?t=355620)

Rosters not in the Roster thread will receive no bonus, be seen by no one, and basically be a waste of time :)

Belmores overall pleased with draw

Belmorians can rest a bit happier now that they have seen the draw for WC17. With the top 4 teams all having at least a chance to qulify the Belmorians should find themselves into the World Cup finals. However it may come down to the tough matches against Europa Brttania and Tanah Burung. Having a famously good record against the Crocidiles TBF must fancy their chances against the 12th seeds however our luck may run thin at Europa Brittania.

The draw looks like this:
Group 6
[ 5] Europa Brittania
[ 12] Tanah Burung
[ 29] The Belmore Family
[ 35] Crystilakere
[ 48] Raptor Claw
[ 67] Dead Man
[116] Omniworld
[137] Mikele

As long as we secure victories over Raptor Claw and Crystilaker we should be safe, but if we underestimate them things could turn out awfully.

Good Luck to them.

Dressed to the Nines for our Eighth

WESTERGATE, Iansisle -- The group draws were announced Wednesday to an eager crowd at the Westergate Footballing Grounds to much general nodding. Now that the Ians will be participating in their eighth World Cup qualifiers, immediately after having visited their second World Cup and their first quarterfinals, much is expected of the side.

The Ians were drawn alongside former group mates Commerce Heights and Starblaydia. The other teams were not in the crowd’s (extremely short term) memory, so there is a possibility that they may have met the Ians before.

“Starblaydia?” one fan was heard to cry in anguish. “They’re the nutters who keep harping on about some obviously fictional fifth Cherry Cup; everyone KNOWS it went straight from the fourth to the sixth, much like the Star Trek movies! Well, it could be worse - they could be Audioslavia. And as long as no one starts singing ‘Row, row, row your boat,’ I suppose we can tolerate it.”

Back on the subject of football, Head Coach John Copplestone is expected to announce his roster today. What yesterday were no-names like Grapevine, MacHollaender, and Chalmerton are today’s heroes. Copplestone has all ready announced that the WCXVII roster will be closely based on the WCXVI one, but will actually be released this year.

“Last year we tried to keep our roster a secret, so no one would know what to expect,” said Copplestone. “That didn’t really work. The WCC just made us give it to them anyway, and then all the other teams mocked us.”

In good news, the team announced that star forward Tom Ravenhill had his bones set perfectly and participated in a full practice yesterday.

“We’re fully expecting Tom to be ready to play against Oceaice when the cup starts,“ said Copplestone.

The Ians have a good chance at qualifying as they are ranked second in their group of eight. Alas, there is a complication. Quoth Sir Gregory Penns-McCormick, the Director of Sports, Games, and Recreation:

“There’s something weird happening this year. Like, the third team qualifies...except they don’t, because they still have to play the fourth team. Oh, I don’t know: it’s all very confusing. Just like the signups this year: did you know that we were almost late? Oh, yes, my man Codsworth couldn’t decipher the system, and then he put too many stamps on the envelope. Quite the cock-up, to tell true.”

The first match will be held at WFG, though the government has considered holding at least one game in Mansmouth as a show of solidarity between the governments of the United Kingdom and the Republic of Weshield. Be sure to tune in to National Radio, 101.9 on your FM receivers!

Overshadowed by the news that their country was being invaded, Crocodiles fans still made time to argue over their chances in this year's World Cup qualifiers.

On paper, the Crocs should join the fabled Europa Britannia in the two auto-qualifier spots. But there are some strong teams nipping at their heels. A loss to The Belmore Family years back cost Tanah Burung their only missed Cup qualifying campaign, and that could easily happen again. Crystilakere and Raptor Claw are both strong contenders in any match, and the back-from-the-grave Dead Man are always hungry to repeat their glory days.

Modesto Ruak Ruak returns as coach after taking over the Crocs with three must-win matches remaining in qualifiers last time out. Under his leadership, the Crocs won those matches, then went undefeated in their group -- including winning the match he had identified as the number one priority, against the hated Commerce Heights -- before making their usual second-round exit against eventual finalists Bedistan.

Ruak Ruak is expected to annouce a line-up shortly, but the top priority, with Tanah Burung engulfed in flames, is to find a safe stadium for the Crocs home matches. The team is hoping for one or more Emerald Heights neighbours to offer to step in and provide a safe haven, but will consider any country willing to act as home field.

We will be pleased to be playing with Liverpool England and Regia Anglorum. All the best to each of you.

How do I change the colors of my font?

thank you for your statment in the best traditions of football, may be the best team win

The Bedistan Sports Digest

WC17 Qualifying Groups Drawn
Lions in Group 8

VILITA -- The groups for World Cup XVII qualifying have been drawn, and the Bedistan Lions are in Group 8:

Group 8
[ 3] Bedistan
[ 15] Lovisa
[ 30] Krytenia
[ 40] Jeruselem
[ 47] Dance 2 Revolution
[ 61] Spurland
[ 86] Carthage and Troy
[ NR] Vorpal Bunnies

Bedistan has not played any of these teams before, with the exception of Dance 2 Revolution, who knocked us out of World Cup 14 in the group stage, though we did get revenge in the group stage of WC15.

The Schedule

MD01: Bedistan v Dance 2 Revolution
MD02: Spurland v Bedistan
MD03: Bedistan v Carthage and Troy
MD04: Vorpal Bunnies v Bedistan
MD05: Bedistan v Lovisa
MD06: Krytenia v Bedistan
MD07: Bedistan v Jeruselem
MD08: Dance 2 Revolution v Bedistan
MD09: Bedistan v Spurland
MD10: Carthage and Troy v Bedistan
MD11: Bedistan v Vorpal Bunnies
MD12: Lovisa v Bedistan
MD13: Bedistan v Krytenia
MD14: Jeruselem v Bedistan

TEN placed in Group 2

Strike Birds to start Run at the World Cup at Home

The Eagle's Nest has been placed in Group 2 in World Cup Qualifiers.
Records agains these teams in previous tournaments are:

GROUP 2

[ 4] The Eagles Nest
[ 18] Svecia 0-0-0
[ 31] Snub Nose 38 0-0-0
[ 36] Halfassedstates 0-1-0
[ 54] El Cid the Hero 0-0-0
[ 71] Northbank 0-0-0
[ 92] Esth 0-0-0
[ NR] Wapahkoneta 0-0-0

Matchday 1: The Eagle's Nest vs. EL CID THE HERO
Matchday 2: The Eagle's Nest @ Northbank
Matchday 3: The Eagle's Nest vs. Esth
Matchday 4: The Eagle's Nest @ Wapahkoneta
Matchday 5: The Eagle's Nest vs. Svecia
Matchday 6: The Eagle's Nest @ Snub Nose 38
Matchday 7: The Eagle's Nest vs. Halfassedstates
-----------------------------------------------------
Matchday 8: The Eagle's Nest @ EL CID THE HERO
Matchday 9: The Eagle's Nest vs. Northbank
Matchday 10: The Eagle's Nest @ Esth
Matchday 11: The Eagle's Nest vs. Wapahkoneta
Matchday 12: The Eagle's Nest @ Svecia
Matchday 13: The Eagle's Nest vs. Snub Nose 38
Matchday 14: The Eagle's Nest @ Halfassedstates

The Nest will open up against ECTH and will then march on from there. So where do we think the Nest will end in this very tough group? We predict that the Nest will win the group, and that Svecia will earn the second automatic qualifyer. We think that EL CID may challenge SN38 for that final playoff spot, but we will see how much of a Hooligan team shows up.

After two consecutive 4th place finishes, Coach Adams has said that anything less than a third place may be considered a failure, but the soccer gods are fickle, and well, you just never know.

VILÄMNA DAGENS NYHETER

COULD THIS BE THE ONE?
New look to Svecian lineup

Svecia - This certainly is looking to be a good run for the Lightning. Despite criticism that this lineup is too young, head coach Matt de Fijts is looking forward to testing out his newbies.

Svecia returns many playmakers from past World Cups, including top goalscorers Hanan Belagt and Mikeal Solskjaer. Joining them up front this year is a rising star from Portugal, Joël Simão, only 18 years old.

In the midfield no players are returning. All three player played on the under 21 team last spring and were called up for a couple international friendlies last summer. The Swede Lars Svensson anchors the middle and scored twice in his first international match against the House of Orange. The German-Czech Pawel Forsch plays on the left flank and is a work horse. His 1.89 meter frame is always seen at the top during corner kicks and then 20 seconds later its him that clears the ball from his own goal. And then the German Martin Kliever on the right tears up the field with his ball skills. Clear the ball up field and Kliever will be there. The Lanaken FC midfielder has been a reserve for the national team before but has never played in the World Cup.

The defensive end is pulled together by veterans Hans Larsson, Gottlieb Frisk, and Tomas Kristiansand. The one newcomer is Anders Glock who is expected to play very well in this tournament. Gottlieb Frisk, the replacement in the last cup for Hans Laursen who was injured, played very well and is expected to be even better this year.

As for the group, Svecia looks to have a fairly challenging Group 2 draw.
[ 4] The Eagles Nest
[ 18] Svecia
[ 31] Snub Nose 38
[ 36] Halfassedstates
[ 54] El Cid the Hero
[ 71] Northbank
[ 92] Esth
[ NR] Wapahkoneta

The Eagles Nest posted a nearly perfect qualifying record in World Cup 16 and finished quite well.

Snub Nose was in the same qualifying group as Svecia in WC16, but failed to advance after horrible upset after horrible upset, although the Hooligans did manage to knock off Svecia at home, one of Svecia's only losses.

The Halfassedstates and Svecia have a long history, but with the Halfassers usually getting the better of the Lightning. Hopefully this trend will end.

The other four teams are not very well known, but the Lightning will need to step it up against the low teams unlike Snub Nose and Melmond in the last WC qualifyers.

Melmond Draws Group 3: Reaction
By Dita Dutch of the Acosta Chronicle

There certainly is a new hope permeating through the Melmond football nation. They feel that the fiery leadership of Manager David Bixler will bring Melmond over that giant hump and into their first World Cup final. The surprising performance during the Cup of Harmony was certainly a good omen. However, they are in one doozy of a group. Quite possibly this is the most interesting group that this reporter has ever seen the Melmond National Team play in. The fifth incarnation of the Melmond National Team has yet to regain the Fearless Farmers moniker. They cannot be called the Under-a-Cheevers like they were last time because Gerry Cheevers is no longer the manager. They are called the Disappointments this time around and still have to wear the white and loser red. They have lost many veterans but they have a lot of up and coming young talent. This will be a very interesting campaign and hopefully a successful one. Let us preview the Group 3 opponents.

Eauz is the number one ranked side in the world. Although their economic policies are astoundingly different, there really isn’t a Cold War style tension between both sides. If they were true communists however, they would make sure they tie all their matches, but they won’t. In their two matchups Eauz won one and the other was tied.

Spaam is a side that seems to be in decline as they have many young and inexperienced players on their side. Their managing hasn’t been even comparable to the great management of the past and if they don’t play with some urgency they may find themselves on the outside looking in. However, they are still relatively talented.

What can one say about Oaker if you are from Melmond other than, “We fucking hate these lucky fucks!” Usually swearing isn’t condoned by the Acosta Chronicle but to show our animosity toward this voodoo dice boosted side we had to say it. As our crack team of investigators find who is behind the voodoo dice, these guys will be felled.

Now here is a side that hates us infinitely more than the Melmond football faithful hates Oaker, The Evil Umpire. All those who are familiar with Melmondian history knows how the Unholy Alliance came to be and that they hate us for having free will. The MFA is pushing for both matches to be played in a neutral location for safety’s sake. Otherwise, they may have to make devastating forfeits in order to maintain their livelihoods.

Now the familiarity stops with this side from Slaikau. This side just basically likes to be an also ran as seen by their less than mediocre performances in the last two World Cup Qualifying campaign.

Qia is no better than Slaikau, expect they have even less experience. We believe that they are the weakest side in this group.

Insane Inflation seems to be a rather comical side as their money makes great toilet paper, but they should be the best of the worst.

The Prediction
1. Eauz
2. Spaam
3. Melmond
4. The Evil Umpire
5. Oaker
6. Insane Inflation
7. Slaikau
8. Qia

Melmond to beat The Evil Umpire in qualification playoff

Melmond National Team Schedule

v Insane Inflation (Frankndottir Stadium, Acosta)
@ The Evil Umpire (A neutral site has been requested by the MFA)
v Slaikau (Microcosm Football Colossuseum, Aldi)
@ Qia
@ Oaker
v Spaam (Melmond Bowl, Melmond City)
@ Eauz
@ Insane Inflation
v The Evil Umpire (A neutral site has been requested by the MFA)
@ Slaikau
v Qia (Bwnlqjd Knjgi, Wzkknfs Hynd)
v Oaker (Feliz-Unne Stadium, Unne)
@ Spaam
v Eauz (Makinshakes Stadium, O’Connor)

Next Game
vs. Insane Inflation (Frankndottir Stadium, Acosta)

This match should be an instant confidence booster for the Melmond National Team as they play the footballing minnows of Insane Inflation. Also Frankndottir Stadium will be completely filled with Melmondians as no people from Insane Inflation were able to afford a ticket to the match. A good chance to build that goal differential lead for the Disappointments. Here is Manager David Bixler’s starting lineup.

GK- Snhp Xtfuinxm
D- Jonsi Torrini
D- Sergio Ortiz
D- Charles Unne
D- Trav Strachan
M- Fwynj Otsjx
M- Alfred Smith
M- Critandi Unne
M- Cristina Antunez
F- Ojfssnsj Xrnym
F- Tim Remans

Frankndottir Stadium
Location: Acosta, Melmond
Seats: 42,176 (Open Air)

Acosta is Melmond’s seventh largest city and possibly one of Melmond’s most majestic cities. Acosta’s crystal clear skies and its glacial and mountainous background make it a tourist attraction for nature lovers. Finally, Acosta football fans can enjoy that grandeur from their own outdoor football specific stadium. Frankdottir Stadium was a stadium where many college and semi-pro sports events happened. It got a facelift and five times the seating so the Melmond Premier League’s Acosta Browns can make their home there. The retractable seats near the pitch are also used in the newer stands of Frankdottir Stadium just like Unne’s Feliz-Unne Stadium, also because track events are also held at Frankndottir Stadium. It’s not the overbearing intimacy of Feliz-Unne, but this stadium has a scenic background that is second to none. Tickets are sold out!

A missive from 8-Bit

You aren't really going to grant the MFA's wishes are you? How dare you rob my great nation of watching our team bludgeoning to death....uh..i mean....beating Melmond's team in a dashing match of football! They are being a bunch of pussies because they know that they cannot face the reality...the truth that free will is a bad thing and that everyone is much happier when ruled like a king. I am the shepherd, and if you aren't following your mutton! Mwhahahahaha...did I get off on a tangent? Sorry. Anyway I am against relocated our matches against the pathetic nation of Melmond.

Love,
8-Bit Ruler of All

8-Bit's plans for the opponents of The Evil Umpire

Eauz: Get "It's A Rich Man's World" by ABBA stuck in their head

Spaam: Send the Hawaiians!

Oaker: Get "Chainsaw" by the Ramones stuck in their head

Melmond: secret!

Slaikau: rocks and garbage

Qia: see above

Insane Inflation: ditto

Liverpool England Offer Melmond FA Waterway Ground in Schimpol

The FALE have offered the Melmondian FA Waterway Ground in Schimpol (Cap: 34 500) to use for their 'home' fixture against The Evil Umpire. It is not known if the Melmondian FA will accept, or the WCC will allow the match to be played on neutral soil. The FALE did not comment on the return fixture.

OOC: Melmond/TEU: I would not suggest doing so. I had half a mind to report you for spamming Chacor's inbox.

ASNN - Stars drawn in tough group, but look to qualify behind formally incompetent Druids

Group 7
[ 9] NEWI Cefn Druids - Predicted Finish: 1st
[ 21] The Lowland Clans - Predicted Finish: 2nd
[ 25] Wella - Predicted Finish: 3rd
[ 38] Lykaia - Predicted Finish: 5th
[ 56] Kerla - Predicted Finish: 4th
[ 63] The Gulf States - Predicted Finish: 6th
[102] Adrasuvare - Predicted Finish: 8th
[ NR] Kirata - Predicted Finish: 7th

The Stars, recovering after a disaster in the 15th World Cup after a non-qualification to Aquilla, the root of all evil, were drawn this cup into a relatively easy group. With the Druids and Stars expected in tight competition for the top spot, it will pretty much come down to the games between them. The "Great Accident" of Lykaia is expected to do much worse this time around, with apropriate sacrifices made to Margaret made by nations across the globe. Wella, another 'non-team' despite being ranked only four spots behind the Clans. Non-ranked Kirata is expected to make some splash, but Clan qualification should be set this time around.

The thing to watch will be how the new squad will be assembled. The rosters are expected to be announced later today, and with the retirement of star Mark Jeremy, the captains band has not yet been decided, but it looks as if Kassen Illius, stalwart from the beginning of excellent Clan soccer, will get it, but look for competition from fellow Mediterreaneaner Pavel Julios for it. Another one to watch will be Jason Fleury, whose troubles in domestic soccer may carry over into international play.

Manager Jeffery McKay has announced that this will be his last season as international manager, and is looking for a potential managerial position in the ASPL, whose second season is now coming to a close. Both Graham City FC and Liverpool City have indicated interest in the managers services, but he has indicated willingness to manage for club teams outside the Lowland Clans.

Schedule - Qualifying
MD1 - The Lowland Clans (Home) vs The Gulf States
MD2 - The Lowland Clans (Away) vs Adrasuvare
MD3 - The Lowland Clans (Home) vs Kirata
MD4 - The Lowland Clans (Away) vs Kerla
MD5 - The Lowland Clans (Away) vs NEWI Cefn Druids
MD6 - The Lowland Clans (Away) vs Lykaia
MD7 - The Lowland Clans (Home) vs Wella
MD8 - The Lowland Clans (Away) vs The Gulf States
MD9 - The Lowland Clans (Home) vs Adrasuvare
MD10 - The Lowland Clans (Away) vs Kirata
MD11 - The Lowland Clans (Home) vs Kerla
MD12 - The Lowland Clans (Home) vs NEWI Cefn Druids
MD13 - The Lowland Clans (Home) vs Lykaia
MD14 - The Lowland Clans (Away) vs Wella

Expert Predictions/Venues of Games

Group 1
[1st] Total n Utter Insanity
[3rd] Tadjikistan
[2nd] Lemmitania
[4th] NASTIC 2
[5th] Dennisov
[7th] Kylaai
[6th] Artoonia
[8th] Pterodactyl

Predicted Qualifiers: Total n Utter Insanity, Lemmitania and Tadjikistan over NASTIC 2

Group 2
[1st] The Eagles Nest
[4th] Svecia
[2nd] Snub Nose 38
[3rd] Halfassedstates
[7th] El Cid the Hero
[5th] Northbank
[6th] Esth
[8th] Wapahkoneta

Predicted Qualifiers: The Eagles Nest, Snub Nose 38 and Svecia over Halfassedstates

Group 3
[2nd] Eauz
[1st] Spaam
[5th] Oaker
[3rd] Melmond
[4th] The Evil Umpire
[7th] Slaikau
[8th] Qia
[6th] Insane Inflation

Predicted Qualifiers: Spaam, Eauz and Melmond over The Evil Umpire

Group 4
[1st] Audioslavia
[4th] Squornshelous
[2nd] Cockbill Street
[3rd] The Weegies
[6th] Magnus Valerius
[8th] Ebon Hawk
[5th] Isles Of Wohlstand
[7th] Big Pimento

Predicted Qualifiers: Audioslavia, Cockbill Street, Squonshelous over The Weegies

Group 5
[1st] Kingsford
[4th] Oglethorpia
[2nd] Liverpool England
[5th] Turnia
[3rd] Avenging Altos
[6th] Aquiliana
[7th] Kipto-Mare
[8th] Regia Anglorum

Predicted Qualifiers: Kingsford, Liverpool England and Oglethorpia over Avenging Altos

Group 6
[1st] Europa Brittania
[2nd] Tanah Burung
[4th] The Belmore Family
[3rd] Crystilakere
[5th] Raptor Claw
[6th] Dead Man
[7th] Omniworld
[8th] Mikele

Predicted Qualifiers: Europa Brittania, Tanah Burung, Crystilakere over The Belmore Family

Group 7
[1st] NEWI Cefn Druids
[2nd] The Lowland Clans
[5th] Wella
[3rd] Lykaia
[4th] Kerla
[6th] The Gulf States
[7th] Adrasuvare
[8th] Kirata

Predicted Qualifiers: NEWI Cefn Druids, The Lowland Clans, Lykaia over Kerla

Group 8
[1st] Bedistan
[6th] Lovisa
[4th] Krytenia
[2nd] Jeruselem
[3rd] Dance 2 Revolution
[5th] Spurland
[8th] Carthage and Troy
[7th] Vorpal Bunnies

Predicted Qualifiers: Bedistan, Jeruselem, Krytenia over Dance 2 Revolution

Group 9
[1st] Commerce Heights
[3rd] Iansisle
[5th] Giant Zucchini
[2nd] Starblaydia
[4th] Sarzonia
[7th] Oceaice
[6th] Liechtenistan
[8th] Pure Evil

Predicted Qualifiers: Commerce Heights, Starblaydia, Iansisle over Sarzonia

Group 10
[1st] Rejistania
[3rd] Gesamtkuntswerk
[6th] One Red Dot
[2nd] Turori
[ 58] Haperd*
[4th] Eystrck
[5th] Pedriana
[7th] Ravea

The predictions for Group 10 do not include Haperd. It is understood that the Oddslavoran FA have submitted an appeal to the WCC to replace Haperd, 19 days inactive, with Oddslavo. Should the appeal fail, we expect Haperd to finish fifth; should it pass we expect Oddslavo to finish fourth.

Predicted Qualifiers: Rejistania, Turori and #Gesamtkuntswerk over Eystrck OR Oddslavo over Gesamtkuntswerk#


Group 5
[ 8] Kingsford
[ 17] Oglethorpia
[ 28] Liverpool England
[ 34] Turnia
[ 57] Avenging Altos
[ 69] Aquiliana
[108] Kipto-Mare
[ NR] Regia Anglorum

::WC17 Qualifying Schedule::
MD01: Grovers Park, Orean; vs Kipto Mare
MD02: Regia Anglorum; vs Regia Anglorum
MD03: CCL Memorial, CCL; vs Avenging Altos
MD04: Aquiliana; vs Aquiliana
MD05: Waterway Stadium, Schimpol; vs Turnia
MD06: Kilamantari Stadium, Folenisa; vs Kingsford
MD07: Oglethorpia; vs Olgethorpia
MD08: Kipto-Mare; vs Kipto-Mare
MD09: Waterway Stadium; vs Regia Anglorum
MD10: Avenging Altos; vs Avenging Altos
MD11: Colonial Stadium, CCL; vs Aquiliana
MD12: Turnia; vs Turnia
MD13: Kingsford; vs Kingsford
MD14: National Stadium, CCL; vs Oglethorpia

LE; please edit your posting (insert line-breaks in the code-box) since you borked up the page and caused me to scroll horizontally!

The Daily Druid

THE DRUIDS CLAN MAKE IT
Björn-Trevor Frederiksson reports on the Druids' World Cup draw

NEWI Cefn Druids have been drawn into qualifying group 7 in their bid to make it to Vilita and Kaze Progressa. There looks to be a few tough encounters, but hopefully nothing too difficult for the Druids to encounter.

The Lowland Clans are definately the Druids' main rivals in the group. They've been around the block a few times, and are definately no pushovers. Expect them to push the Druids close for top spot.

Wella are the only team in the competition named after a brand of haircare products, and are probably about as much use as a bunch of hairdressers on the pitch. However, they have slowly worked their way up the rankings into the top thirty, so they must be doing something right. If the Druids can't work out what, then the Wellan encounters could leave them with egg on their face.

The infamous Lykaia are up next. The Druids have played them three times over the last few years, with two victories and one defeat. However, they were the surprise package last time, somehow qualifying for the finals from one of the toughest groups, but they were awful once the pressure was on and they made the finals. Still, shouldn't be underestimated.

The infamous theme continues, as Kerla, who qualified for a couple of cups somehow a while back, but have faded slightly since. They are the first visitors to The Hole, and will hopefully be the first team sent back without any points.

The Gulf States are a better side than many will give them credit for. Despite a relatively low ranking, TGS's poor results are probably more down to bad luck than poor performances. If they are to be a surprise package in the group, then it won't come as too much of a shock.

Adrusuvare are a little known team from far away. Anything other than two wins won't do.

The same could probably be said about new boys Kirata, though new sides tend to be slightly more dangerous than crap old ones. By the fourth matchday, though, we should know more about this challenge.

So there you have it, a relatively easy (or so it would seem) route to the finals for the Druids. Well, let's hope so, anyway. Here's how The Daily Druid predicts the group will go:

Group 7

[1st] NEWI Cefn Druids
[2nd] The Lowland Clans
[3rd] Wella
[4th] The Gulf States
[5th] Lykaia
[6th] Kerla
[7th] Kirata
[8th] Adrasuvare

The Gulf States to overcome Wella in the play-off.

Still to come:

Matchday 1: NEWI Cefn Druids v Kerla
Matchday 2: The Gulf States v NEWI Cefn Druids
Matchday 3: NEWI Cefn Druids v Adrusuvare
Matchday 4: Kirata v NEWI Cefn Druids
Matchday 5: NEWI Cefn Druids v The Lowland Clans
Matchday 6: Wella v NEWi Cefn Druids
Matchday 7: NEWI Cefn Druids v Lykaia
Matchday 8: Kerla v NEWI Cefn Druids
Matchday 9: NEWI Cefn Druids v The Gulf States
Matchday 10: Adrusuvare v NEWI Cefn Druids
Matchday 11: NEWI Cefn Druids v Kirata
Matchday 12: The Lowland Clans v NEWI Cefn Druids
Matchday 13: NEWi Cefn Druids v Wella
Matchday 14: Lykaia v NEWI Cefn Druids

All home matches to be played at The Hole, Mawr (capacity 89,500)

Jeruselem Government News

Group 8 for World Cup XVII team

Jeruselem was drawn in Group 8 for the World Cup XVII with some familar faces. The Bedistan (Cubs), Lovisa and Krytenia have faced Jeruselem and also ranked above then. They will the favourites to progress to the next round while Jeruselem also face veterans Dance 2 Revolution and up-and-comers Spurland who have potential. New team Vorpal Bunnies are unranked and the big underdogs. Carthage and Troy are unknown to Jeruselem but from past experience, they are no certainties with the world cup qualifiers.

Group 8
[ 3] Bedistan
[ 15] Lovisa
[ 30] Krytenia
[ 40] Jeruselem
[ 47] Dance 2 Revolution
[ 61] Spurland
[ 86] Carthage and Troy
[ NR] Vorpal Bunnies

http://www.dirt-racing.com/3wide/sites/vilita/vn/tn/logo.gif

Eels Prepare for Group 10

-------------The Turori Eels have been drawn in a difficult, but achievable Group 10 for the upcoming World Cup 17 qualifiers. Turori are very familiar with every team in the group, either through their own accord, or through the Vilitan Press, something that may not ever have happened before in the history of the cup, for any team.

------------- Rejistania will be expected to run away with the group, likely posting an unbeaten record on the way. The former World Cup Champions and World #2 Rank will be a tough task for Turori, who will be more than pleased to take a point from the two meetings between the teams. Gesamtkuntswerk is a team Turorian's know from the Vilitan press, after the build up to Vilita's World Cup 16 Finals campaign. The Jungle Cats opened the finals with a 0-0 draw to Gesamtkuntswerk, and the Eels will be hoping to do the same in Gesamtkuntswerk, before taking 3 points in Turori. One Red Dot is one name that will forever ring in Turori ears. The Dot's were in the Eels inagural World Cup 15 qualifying group, where the Eels were undefeated in 16 of 18 matches, before One Red Dot snuck in and prevented the Eels from entering the World Cup finals. Haperd is a team the Eels know about, not from their activity, but their inactivity. The FALE have submitted a request to have Haperd removed from the tournament, but it is currently expected that their will be no alteration in the group 10 lineup.

------------- Eystrck, despite being relatively new on the World Cup scene, is the single team that the Eels have the most relations with among all. While Eystrck is not expected to perform as well in the World Cup as they had in previous competitions, a draw in the away leg of this matchup would not be failure. Eystrck opened their Senior Football account with 7 straight wins, and were unbeaten for their first 11. After winning the Baptism of Fire Cup, a feat that Turori too can claim, Eystrck would make it to the Eagle's Cup Semi-Final, Along with World Cup Champion and World #1 Eauz, World Cup 14 Champion Kingsford, and eventual winners Turori. Pedriana, like Eystrck, are regional neighbors in Atlantian Oceania. Pedriana lies just to the north of Turori, on the mainland, and both matches are expected to be sold out with a great atmosphere. Pedriana are unlucky to be in a tough group, but may be able to overcome Haperd to take 6th. Ravea are the only unranked team in the group, known by the Eels through their relations with the Tropics of Vilita, who invited Ravea to compete in the cup.

------------- The Eels are expected to finish no worse than 4th in the Group, earning a playoff spot towards the World Cup Finals. However, coach Gisterfred Q. Disterfred has said he sees no reason why the Eels can't finish as High as second, following the Orange-Blues to the World Cup Finals. If that were to be the case, one would think that the 3rd and 4th spots would go to Gesamtkuntswerk and One Red Dot. However, with the untapped resource of Eystrck, anything is possible in Group 10.


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Le LIBRE

World Cup 17 Preview

The draw for the 17th World Cup was drawn in the Capital of Vilita. Les Bleus are once again back to defend not only the world cup, but the number 1 ranking du monde. Eauz has been one of the hottest teams lately, winning 2 world cups and having the number 1 rank since world cup 13, except for after world cup 14 when they were ranked #2.

Eauz was placed in group 3 with a few teams which are known to Eauz. Below is Group 3:


Group 3
[ 1] Eauz
[ 16] Spaam
[ 33] Oaker
[ 42] Melmond
[ 59] The Evil Umpire
[ 77] Slaikau
[ 96] Qia
[ NR] Insane Inflation


Spaam (16) - Eauz has had a lot of success against Spaam, winning Eauz’s first cup against them in world cup 13. In the last cup, Eauz met up against Spaam and once again beat them. Eauz will be looking to continue the success against Spaam.

Oaker (33) – Eauz has never faced off against them that the record holders remember, but then again, they sometimes don’t remember yesterday. Oaker though has been a surprise of world cup nations during the last cup as they advanced quickly to the world cup during the qualifying round. Oaker will be a surprise to watch and should not be taken lightly.

Melmond (42) – This hard knock team has been trying and trying to get it right and make a serious run in the world cup. They always seem to fall short of their goals. Eauz has had a bit of success against Melmond, and have history on their side, having never lost to Melmond. The cold war isn’t really there, as Melmond has given Eauz some respect as the number 1 team in the world.

The Evil Umpire (59) – This team has never really been a serious threat to many teams, unless you are ranked 200. The Evil Umpire and Eauz have never met, and thus there isn’t much to say…

Slaikau (77) & Qia (96) – Eauz has no record of these teams, except for reports of other teams. They are not expected to pose much of a threat to some of the top ranked teams in this group, but one should take all matches seriously, for there would be a humiliating lose if not carful.

Insane Inflation {NR} – Eauz would like to welcome II to the world cup and hope them the best of Luck in this tough group. Eauz will pick them to be a surprise team of the group.

Predictions


[ 1] Eauz
[ 33] Oaker
[ 16] Spaam
[ 42] Melmond
[ 59] The Evil Umpire
[ NR] Insane Inflation
[ 77] Slaikau
[ 96] Qia


Schedule

Match Day 1: The Evil Umpire @ Eauz
Match Day 2: Eauz @ Slaikau
Match Day 3: Qia @ Eauz
Match Day 4: Eauz @ Insane Inflation
Match Day 5: Spaam @ Eauz
Match Day 6: Eauz @ Oaker
Match Day 7: Melmond @ Eauz
Match Day 8: Eauz @ The Evil Umpire
Match Day 9: Slaikau @ Eauz
Match Day 10: Eauz @ Qia
Match Day 11: Insane Inflation @ Eauz
Match Day 12: Eauz @ Spaam
Match Day 13: Oaker @ Eauz
Match Day 14: Eauz @ Melmond

The first match will come against The Evil Umpire at Le Stade d’Eauz in Zuka. The fans of Les Bleus though will see a new Eauz team, as players like Joseuf and Samuel will be gone from the team. It might seem like an easy group for Eauz, but they need to prove it without the help of Joseuf.


Roster Information can be found Here (http://forums2.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=6992772&postcount=44)

Kirata Government News


The Kirata government has entered a team into sport for the first time in the World Cup. The dictator of Kirata allows nothing, including the playing of Sport within the country, but as a repayment to the nation for their continued support of his psychotic rule, he has allowed a select group of Kiratans to compete in this international competition of sport. The team have chosen the mascot of the "Fish" as the national fish population has been exploding and this is the document the Dictator was reading when he was asked to choose a team mascot. He really didn't care, he just said "Fish." The players he selected were made up entirely of Kiratan secret forces rejects, fresh out of training facility. They are believed to be in the best shape of non-military citizens, although their skills with a ball are questionable. The Dictator is not worried about this, as it is only for political reasons that Kirata have sent a team.

The list of Kirata players is available in the other thread.

[COLOR=White]------------- Rejistania will be expected to run away with the group, likely posting an unbeaten record on the way. The former World Cup Champions and World #2 Rank will be a tough task for Turori, who will be more than pleased to take a point from the two meetings between the teams.

Orange-Blues doomed

The Orange-Blues are most likely not to qualify. The reason for this is the extreme amount of optimism and good predictions made for them. Coach LaxTa read the Turori newspaper and said: "Okay, that's it! We all know that good expectations are the doom of a team. Turori might have used it against us by purpose, but I don't want to assume that. we will just pretend this newspaper never reached the Island and try to do our best."

Sowhatsville News

Can old faces spur Halfassed back to the big time?

The draw for qualification for the WC has been announced, and Halfassed have landed in a tough section.
After missing out on the last two finals, agonisingly by a single goal to finalists Bedistan last time out*, the HFA big-wigs knew nothing was going to be easy, the draw confirmed that fact. The Eagles Nest, Svecia, Snub Nose 38 and El Cid are all old foes for the national side. Halfassed have decent records against these sides, but the teams decline over recent years means that TEN and Svecia will be looking for a comfortable 6 points in their games against the Hurricanes. SN38 will also be hoping for the majority of points from the matches between the sides.
The Hurricanes will need to claim maximum points from their games against the lower ranked sides and hope to claim a draw or two against the tops sides. With only the top two teams qualifing automatically, Halfassed will also need some slip-ups elsewhere to see them aviod the lottery of the play-offs!

With the national squad being made up of the same 22 players as narrowly missed out last time, it is an experienced line-up that will attempt to put Halfassed back in the big time!

*not entirely sure about this fact, but I leave in 30 mins to go on holiday and don't have time to check up sorry to all if it is wrong!

Also - I will be away for the next week, if anyone needs the halfassed roster, it is the same as WC16! I promise to get it posted and catch-up with everything when I get back. Good luck to all!

OOC: Melmond/TEU: I would not suggest doing so. I had half a mind to report you for spamming Chacor's inbox.

But you must understand something...we are evil!!!! Hench the name The Evil Umpire! Getting Limp Bizkit's "Rollin" stuck in your head was part of our sinister gameplan which worked to success in the Colony Cup! But tell you what, 8-Bit ruler of all has a heart as well. I will do something nice for you Liverpool England. I shall get a good song stuck in your head. It will be stuck in your populaces head to the point it will become your national anthem. It's called "Wet Blanket" and its by a band called Metric.

Falling for the creep the body leech here he comes
Vicious hypnosis, a clenched fist saying it's wrong
To want more than a folk song
Underneath the shaker knit he's a brick wall
She keep falling for the trick vegetariate sing-along
Give a little kick with your fine thigh high

Doo-doo-doo we're on to you
Tearing her down, talking her down under your breath
Making a mess, see she is happy you wanna break it

Doo-doo-doo we're on to you
Tearing her down, talking her down under your breath
Making a mess, see she is happy you wanna break it

Doo-doo-doo we're on to you
Your phony roots, borrowed guitar
Telling her what to think we are
You the number one wet blanket
Hardly a day goes by you don't try to break down
No I don't buy it
You're still around I wonder why
She just keep...

Falling for the creep the body leech here he comes
Vicious hypnosis, a clenched fist saying it's wrong
To want more than a folk song
Underneath the shaker knit he's a brick wall
She keep falling for the creep
The body leech coming on
Vicious hypnosis, clenched fist saying
It's wrong to want more than a folk song
I'm wrong to want more than a folk song
I'm wrong to want more than a folk song
Underneath the shaker knit he's a brick wall
She keep falling for the trick vegetariate sing-along
Give a little kick with your fine thigh high

Doo-doo-doo

Doo-doo-doo we're on to you
Tearing her down, talking her down under your breath
Making a mess, see she is happy you wanna break it

Doo-doo-doo we're on to you
Your bathing suit, borrowed guitar
Telling her what to think we are
You the number one wet blanket
You're still around I wonder why
You the number one wet blanket

"you'll never believe me so why don't you find out for yourself
Then you'll see the glass hidden in the grass
Bad seeds come and go for which you must allow
Sick down to my heart that's just the way it goes"

To Liverpool England....The footballing world's wet blanket....

Mwhahahahahaha!

Love,
8-Bit Ruler of All

Qualification unlikely...
...but at least we'll scare the **** out of some people

Pedriana is participating in its first World Cup after a strong performance in the Colony Cup that saw the Llamas reach the semifinals. The team's roster is unchanged from the Colony Cup except for one addition -- Bob, a Giant Evil Spider, is now starting in midfield. "I checked the WCC regulations," said manager/coach Olé Retaguma, "and they didn't say anything about whether non-humans were allowed on the team. So we have Bob, who should paralyze our opposition to the point where we will roll over them quite easily." Will the tactic work? We should know fourteen matches from now.

Reporter: Hejida Sasijilvenku...

Sasijilvenku Dikelesinivetisaru: Me?

Reporter: Can you answer me a few questions?

SD: okay,... but I hope it won't take too long.

Reporter: Do you know if you will start in the match against Haperd?

SD: I will not tell you that!

Reporter: But you hope to, don't you?

SD: I do, then I know that I will wake up soon and still be that young seleke, who tries to advance into the first Ihiri team.

Reporter: Do you hope to wake up?

SD: Not really, but honestly, I expect it.

Reporter: Why?

SD: It all went so fast... getting a place in the first team of Ihiri due to a mere coincidence, suddently being in TnUI, in the U21
team... then the season in the Seleke haditera of the H1SR... and now...

Reporter: Now you came from Alan City to play in the national team...

SD: Yeah... it still seems pretty surreal to me to be in Alan City... don't call me a racist or so... but it is pretty confusing if you are in
a city where about 90% of the people are white. I mean,... I lived in the bad quarters of Ihiri for nearly my entire life and then in
Sijitalatirikimidateme. Whites there were rare!

Reporter: They are a small minority in the Rejis.

SD smiles but doesn't say anything

Reporter: Another question: How is the atmosphere in Alan City?

SD: (in very accented english) competition in all the places. (in rejistanian) that line of a song describes it best, I never saw
or played against a team with more star players. Even the second team has more national players than Sijitalatirikimidateme
Xkora and Ihiri Veran together. That causes rivalries. The mentality in the team is different too. In Sijitalatirikimidateme,
people say: "A loss won't end the world" in Alan City, it seems to do.

Reporter: Sorry to ask you this question, but do you have ... contact... with girls?

SD: I am seleke, so I would be pleased if you could respect me and my privacy.
Sasijilvenku Dikelesinivetisaru leaves in a hurry.

The Gulf States International Football Team
World Cup 17 - PreTourney Post

TGS I-Football Team, 63rd in the world (and improving) has been placed in Group 7 of the 17th edition of the (International) Football World Cup.

Group 7
[ 9] NEWI Cefn Druids
[ 21] The Lowland Clans
[ 25] Wella
[ 38] Lykaia
[ 56] Kerla
[ 63] The Gulf States
[102] Adrasuvare
[ NR] Kirata

Schedule:
MD01: 2v6 vs. [ 21] The Lowland Clans
MD02: 6v1 @ [ 9] NEWI Cefn Druids (Orange Dome - Orange)
MD03: 4v6 vs. [ 38] Lykaia
MD04: 6v3 @ [ 25] Wella (Sullivan Stadium - Dayton)
MD05: 5v6 vs. [ 56] Kerla
MD06: 8v6 vs. [ NR] Kirata
MD07: 6v7 @ [102] Adrasuvare (Estádio Cícero Pompeu de Toledo - São Paulo, Brasil)
MD08: 6v2 @ [ 21] The Lowland Clans (Estádio Jornalista Mário Filho - Rio de Janiero, Brasil)
MD09: 1v6 vs. [ 9] NEWI Cefn Druids
MD10: 6v4 @ [ 38] Lykaia (Perez Stadium - Flordis City)
MD11: 3v6 vs. [ 25] Wella
MD12: 6v5 @ [ 56] Kerla (National Coliseum - Lexington)
MD13: 6v8 @ [ NR] Kirata (Seaview Stadium - Bardista City)
MD14: 7v6 vs. [102] Adrasuvare

Our outlook: We're not quite sure just how our group stands against all the others. Our team does intend to continue on our advances from last Cup. We won two games in World Cup 16, although one was by a forfeit. Then we got two more wins in another tournament between WC16 and 17, just missing advancement there.

With exceeding expectations in the past couple tournaments, we've now reached 63rd in the world in International Football competition. However, our team is out to prove we're not one year wonders or pushovers. The goal for this team is make an impact in the world rankings, although we know it may take several more World Cups before we can be considered serious contendors and top 15 regulars. After 14 games, we likely won't advance in the Cup - but anything's possible.

Jeruselem was drawn in Group 8 for the World Cup XVII with some familar faces. The Bedistan (Cubs), Lovisa and Krytenia have faced Jeruselem and also ranked above then.

OOC: For the record, the Cubs are Bedistan's U21 team. The senior squad is called the Lions. ;)

Matchday 1 Scores Posted:

SCORES THREAD (http://forums2.jolt.co.uk/showthread.php?t=356281)

Refs, Commerce Heights "Rob" Stars, 2-0

Following their 2-0 loss to group top seed Commerce Heights, the Sarzonian national team was angry. Angry with themselves for not firing enough shots on goalkeeper Bach Rani, angry with the referree and linesmen for a "horrible" offsides call that robbed forward Brian Wilson of a cup opening goal, and angry with repeated fouls by Commerce Heights that went uncalled.

"We probably could have played better," Coach Bryan Marshall said, "but I thought we played about as well as you can play in an opening match. It's hard to win a match when you play 11 on 14."

The Stars refused to shake hands with their Capitalizt counterparts, with some players saying, "they cheated."

"We're not shaking hands with a team that didn't earn a win over us," one player said on condition of anonymity. "They're the 10th ranked team in the world. They shouldn't have to resort to buying off officials to beat a team that's 40 spots behind them."

The Stars played a man down the remaining 39 minutes when forward Anton Gregor was sent off for his second yellow card for arguing a non-call on a tackle by Mark Lahnto. Gregor will be forced to sit out the match against Starblaydia.

"He didn't even try to get the ball," Gregor snapped after the game. "When the ref told me to get up and stop stalling, I asked him how much he was getting for the match. I don't care what anyone thinks. They're a bunch of cheats over there." The Capitalizts wore out the Stars after Gregor's ejection in spite of the Stars substituting midfielder Darwin Russell for defender Lance Alcina.

The first half ended 0-0 despite six shots on goal by the Stars, including four by Wilson. The Stars held possession for 27 minutes in the first half, but Commerce Heights scored first in the 68th minute when Dinar Jordan split defenders Mike Coyle and Corey Hemby and fired a shot past goalkeeper Troy Perkins.

Franc Switzer added an insurance marker in the 89th minute into an empty net as the Stars brought Perkins forward in an attempt to score the equalizer.

The Stars will play regional rivals Starblaydia in the second match of the tournament.

The Bedistan Sports Digest

Ho-Hum Start to Qualifiers
2-0 win pretty much as expected

COLUMBIA, FD -- With construction on Bedistan's new gigantic as-yet-unnamed national stadium in Sonoma City still in progress, the Lions again played their opening home match at Holmes Stadium in Columbia, which has been used off and on for this purpose for half a century now. The opponent was Dance 2 Revolution, and this marked the first time the Lions had ever played D2R in Bedistan, as both previous meetings occurred in the group stages of World Cups 14 and 15. The home team's performance was...well, not "lackluster", really, but certainly not "explosive", either. Really, it was just exactly what was expected from the Bedistani national team, doing just what they needed to get the job done, no more, no less. This lack of real spirit was seen among the fans, too, as the stadium failed to sell out for the match against most officials' expectations. Just 73,481 spectators showed up to watch the match, which Bedistan won 2-0.

"If we're going to win the Cup, we've got to light some kind of fire under these players," said coach Mike Davidson. "This kind of performance is all right now, but it's not going to cut it in Kaze Progressa or in Vilita."

Some have claimed that the lack of spice in Bedistan's drive is due to the fact that the team roster is identical to the World Cup XVI roster. "Well, I figured, why fix what isn't broken?" retorted manager Brandon Barton. "We finished second overall last time, and I know this squad has the ability to bring home our first Cup. This is not the time to experiment."

The next match is away against Spurland, and the Lions are expected to take away three points there as well.

Final score:
Bedistan 2 (Xi 39, Reinhardt 62)
Dance 2 Revolution 0

Falcons start strong in WC17
Draw highly favored Oglethorpia

The experts were not kind to Aquiliana. Their above-expectations performance in U21WC5 had offset the loss to Eystrck in the BoF finals, finally giving them a seemingly good world rank of 69th. But most experts, despite a somewhat weak group, picked the Falcons to finish in 6th place out of 8. They came into their first ever WC game against Oglethorpia, ranked 17th in the world.

And they played exceptionally well, shaking off an early Oglethorpian goal, and continuing to play the superb defense that had led them to such great heights for a rookie nation. And after a rousing locker-room speech by Coach Ed, the team came out firing, and captain Pontifex Auguratius was able to deflect a corner past Snell to tie the game up at 1.

"I know that we can beat Kipto-Mare. I know that we can beat Regia Anglorum. I know that we can beat the Avenging Altos," said Coach Ed after the game. "The difficult part will be keeping up with the world powerhouses, and tonight we showed that we could. I'm very proud of these boys right now."

The Falcons will need to bring their best tomorrow, facing #8-ranked Kingsford on their home turf.

Final Score:
Oglethorpia 1 - 1 Aquiliana
(Adjectiveman 24) - (Auguratius 53)

"Sirx..."

"Sorry Paul, we played-but-no-lose."

"You need to lose that mentality. We need to win games!"

"Huh?"

Paul checks an Abysmali dictionary.

"We need to play-and-no-lose-or-draw."

"But why? In Abysmalistan, you must lose. If you finish bottom as seen from bottom, they fire you."

Paul is speechless.

_________________________________________________________________


Liverpool England 2-2 Kipto-Mare
14th minute
"And a warm welcome to Grovers' Park in Orean for those of you who've joined us late, it's World Cup Qualification time, and today Liverpool England are playing Kipto-Mare. The score is nil-all, but here come Kipto-Mare on the attack! It's Siddie leading the attack! Siddle on the right... he's hunted down by Freech, making his debut of course! Siddle will get the cross in... Gaskell is there! And goal! In the 14th minute Kipto-Mare have stunned the home team! And Grovers' Park has gone noticably silent!"

http://www.nationstates.net/images/flags/micronesia--57.jpg 0-1 http://www.nationstates.net/images/flags/bangladesh--64.jpg

Lee Gaskell 15

"And this is unbelivable, Kipto-Mare taking the lead, not a good start for Sirx. And the restart... the ball's given away by Dennard... Jones will pick up on it... Jones hacks the ball deep into the Liverpool England half... and there's some shoving... Gaskell has gone down... the referee's looking at his assistants, who're flagging.... Penalty! The crowd are starting to jeer the officials here, this is crazy! Kipto-Mare have the chance to take a two-goal lead with a penalty, inside the first 20 minutes, away at Liverpool England. Siddle will take the penalty... Goal! No chance for Melcher at all! After 18 minutes, Kipto-Mare have a 2 goal away lead!"

http://www.nationstates.net/images/flags/micronesia--57.jpg 0-2 http://www.nationstates.net/images/flags/bangladesh--64.jpg

Lee Gaskell 15
Lee Siddle p18

45 minutes
"And so, at half-time, Kipto-Mare have a two-goal advantage!"

Second half commentary to come.

HALF TIME
GROVERS' PARK, OREAN
ATT: 84,137
http://www.nationstates.net/images/flags/micronesia--57.jpg 0-2 http://www.nationstates.net/images/flags/bangladesh--64.jpg

Lee Gaskell 15
Lee Siddle p18

"And welcome back to Grovers' Park, Kipto-Mare have the lead 2-0 at the break. And a substitution by Sirx... Kelvin Johnson will come on and take the captain's armband from Chris Hawkins."

45:00 Substitution
Liverpool England
ON 14 Kelvin Johnson
OFF 11 Chris Hawkins

"And they kick off. Hawkins with his first touch of the game."

67th minute

"Doug Freech has moved up into midfield now... Freech, with the one-two with Dennard... Freech, blasts a banana shot! It's hit the bar! Hawkins with the header! Goal!!!!!! Liverpool England have clawed one back!!" It's the half-time sub Chris Hawkins!"

http://www.nationstates.net/images/flags/micronesia--57.jpg 1-2 http://www.nationstates.net/images/flags/bangladesh--64.jpg

Chris Hawkins 68 Lee Gaskell 15
Lee Siddle p18

82nd minute
"And Kipto-Mare look like they're heading for an upset victory here in Orean... Freech. Lays it off for Dennard... Burr, will cross in from the left... Freech! And a goal on his debut... it's 2-2! Douglas Matthew Freech! He's certainly the next big thing, his name: Doug Freech."

http://www.nationstates.net/images/flags/micronesia--57.jpg 2-2 http://www.nationstates.net/images/flags/bangladesh--64.jpg

Chris Hawkins 68 Lee Gaskell 15
Doug Freech 83 Lee Siddle p18

Full Time
"And at full time, it's 2-2."

False start?

Opening match against Kylaai ends in loss

Dushanbe - Ion Yakir warned us for surprised but nobody listened. Nobody believed the Tigers could lose his match but the unthinkable happened; The Tigers got beat at home. Coach Triandafillov must have seen this coming when Vimorta scored the 1-0 for Kylaai. The Tadjik defense had faltered and who do so again in the 42th minute allowing Kylaai's Macala Moria score a second goal.

Coach Triandafillov realized he had to do something and brought in Kirponos and Danilov for Pavlov and Kuznetsov. The change in the defense was probably combined with a reorganization by Triandafillov. The changes paid of, Kylaaian attacker Kazu came close to a third goal but found Gromovs head on his path.
On the other side of the field Kirponos and Pliiev set up a good combination with Cherniakhovskij, broke through the Kylaaian defense on the left side and finished of their move by a shot in the right corner from twenty meters away. Cherniakhovskij, now 34 and playing his last World Cup made 43th goal for the national team.

The last goal gave the Tigers the spirit to try and get the team back on track, and they went looking for the equalizer. Suvorov came very close in the 85th minute with a shot from the right side but it got diverted by a defenders leg to the left pole and the match ended in a 1-2 loss for Tadjikistan.

Yakir did not spare anyone in his comment:"As usual we had a couple of excellent players on the field, but our defense failed, Triandafillovs efforts to improve our defense with a combination of youth and experience were necessery but it seems our nations lacks good defenders. It is sad to see that we have a gangster as best defender. [Gromov-ed] So I think Triandafillov should do what Isserson did years ago, experiment. We must win our next match in Artoonia, otherwise we can forget about the World Cup and Triandafillov can forget about his job."

goals:
Vimorta "30(0-1), Moria "42(0-2), Cherniakhovskij "71(1-2)

Tadjikistan:
Yashin, Kuznetsov ("45 Danilov), Managarov, Zhilenkov, Gromov, Pliiev, Bagramian, Pavlov("45 Kirponos), Chuikov, Suvorov, Cherniakhovskij

Kylaai:
Nania, Tirar, Burrito, Frito, Max, Sun, Moria, Fleiam, Nell, Kazu, Vimorta


[1] Lemmitania 1 1 0 0 7-1 3
[2] NASTIC 2 1 1 0 0 2-0 3
<3> Total n Utter Insanity 1 1 0 0 2-1 3
<4> Kylaai 1 1 0 0 2-1 3
5- Tadjikistan 1 0 0 1 1-2 0
6- Dennisov 1 0 0 1 1-2 0
7- Pterodactyl 1 0 0 1 0-2 0
8- Artoonia 1 0 0 1 1-7 0


MD1: Tadjikistan - Kylaai L 1-2
MD2: Artoonia - Tadjikistan
MD3: Tadjikistan - Pterodactyl
MD4: Dennisov - Tadjikistan
MD5: Total n Utter Insanity - Tadjikistan
MD6: NASTIC 2 - Tadjikistan
MD7: Tadjikistan - Lemmitania
MD8: Kylaai - Tadjikistan
MD9: Tadjikistan - Artoonia
MD10:Pterodactyl - Tadjikistan
MD11:Tadjikistan - Dennisov
MD12:Tadjikistan - Total n Utter Insanity
MD13:Tadjikistan - NASTIC 2
MD14:Lemmitania - Tadjikistan

Record Win for Starblaydia in N'Dizzy's First Game
Starblaydia Lead Group 9 with Huge Goal Difference

With the first Matchday of the Qorld Cup 17 Qualifiers producing more than a few high-scoring games, Starblaydia's was one of thise, greeted by many a 'w00t' in the more '1337' chatrooms across the Region. Marking Guylain N'Dumbu-Nsungu's first game in charge of the national team, it was obvious the effect he has been having on the team.

"When your first match in charge is a record-breaking win, you can't ask for any more than that, I'm delighted for the boys," said Guylain after the match, "let's just hope we take this momentum to Sarzonia for our next match."

The massacre of Pure Evil began early, as Simeone Di Bradini scored with only Starblaydia's second attack, latching onto a Simon Hill pass in the third minute and firing into the far corner past the flailing hand of the Evil's Goalie. The scoreline was inforced by a perfect Ceri Salisbury free-kick on 9 minutes. Instead of curling around and dipping down, he rifled the ball along the grass, under the feet of the leaping wall. Such was the sped of the ball as it skidded along the grass, the goalie was wrong-footed and had no chance. 2-0 after only 10 minutes.

As if the game wasn't already sealed, the two strikers added two more before half-time. Eomer Hall scored his first for the full team, bringing down a J.J. Stark cross with his chest and executing a neat turn to leave the defenders stranded and allowing him to slot the ball past the goalie from around ten yards. Simeone Di Bradini then proved 'anything you can do, I can do better' as he unleashed a curling shot with his right boot from around 24 yards, that eluded the 'keepers fingertips and billowed the back of the net like the sail of a galleon.

Bringing on Roberto Di Bradini and Ahmed Ol-wairain for Ki-Jana Carter and Simeone Di Bradini at half time signalled no sort of change to Starblaydia's style. Having provided one goal, Stark made his own with a 40-yard run from his own half, skipping past three players and firing round a defender's challenge and past the goalie for Five-Nil. As the crowd chanted "We Want Six!", Stefan Haldorsson, veteran and goalscorer from their previous record win, (known in Dance 2 Revolution as *cough*Starblaydia 5 Dance 2 Revolution 1*cough*) came on for Michael Hawthorne. His influence down the left-hand side gae the Starblaydi fans what they wanted. A neat one-two with Robb Di Bradini left him clear of the right-midfielder, then a burst of pace saw him past the right-back. Instead of the pinpoint cross he knocked it back for Di Bradini to drive it in from just outside the box, marking the first time that a pair of brothers have scored for Starblaydia in the same match.

More internet chat followed the confirmation of the result, including the following statements:

"We-are-topoftheleague!-say-we-are-topoftheleague!"

"OMFG!!!! SeaturleZ Rule!! HexatuxGirl Blows on it!!!11!"

Records Equalled and Broken by this match:
Biggest Win: Formerly WC15Q MD9: Starblaydia 5-1 Dance 2 Revolution
Most goals scored in a match by Starblaydia: Formerly WC15Q MD9: Starblaydia 5-1 Dance 2 Revolution
Highest-scoring Match: Also WC15Q MD9: Starblaydia 5-1 Dance 2 Revolution and Eagle's Cup 3 MD5: Starblaydia 2-4 Total n Utter Insanity
Record Goalscorer: Simeone Di Bradini and Nikola Lazerevski, 15 International Goals.

Final Score:
Starblaydia 6 - 0 Pure Evil
(S. Di Bradini 3, 38, Salisbury 9, Hall 23, Stark 77, R. Di Bradini 86) - (None)

MD01: Starblaydia 6-0 Pure Evil
NEXT: Sarzonia Vs Starblaydia

Player Goals Total Goals
S. Di Bradini 2 15
E. Hall 1 10
R. Di Bradini 1 3
C. Salisbury 1 3
J.J. Stark 1 3


----Group 9----
[1] Starblaydia 1 1 0 0 6-0 3
[2] Giant Zucchini 1 1 0 0 3-1 3
<3> Commerce Heights 1 1 0 0 2-0 3
<4> Iansisle 1 1 0 0 3-2 3
5- Oceaiace 0 0 0 0 0-0 0
6- Liechtenistan 1 0 0 1 1-3 0
7- Sarzonia 1 0 0 1 0-2 0
8- Pure Evil 1 0 0 1 0-6 0

Ankh-Morpork C-mail

Street Kick Off Nervy Qualifying
At Least We Win

The Streetian people haven't exactly been fed with wins against mediocre nations such as Isles of Wohlstand, as the side has always failed in matches like these. The last qualifying campaign ended in disaster when the Street lost four of six points in matches with 53rd-ranked Starblaydia, and waved goodbye to the island of Rejistania where the world cup was held. Now, however, the Street have started their qualifying campaign with three very important points - many thanks to motivator and coach Hexatux.

The game started with the Streetians playing surprisingly attacking and good football - particularly good passing play. They seemed intent on getting that good start to qualifying which everyone in the Street so desired. However, it left dangerously big gaps behind midfield and defense, as the defenders were reluctant to pull forward and pile on the pressure. As a result, long passes from Farnsworth's accurate foot often hit the Wohlstanders' strikers, and such did the first condeded goal of the Streetian qualifying campaign come about. Garnedy took down the ball, passed it behind Spearthrower to the running al'Jabber, who suddenly found himself alone with Havell. Havell threw himself to the right once the shot was unleashed, but to no avail, as it went over him and into the net. 1-0 for the Isles, and a terrible start for some 85,000 spectators who desired success after years of misery.

Luckily, although the crowd gave up early, the eleven players on the field didn't. On orders from Hexatux, who seemed not to be cured of the bugs yet (the Abysmalistan-bug which meant that the team kept on not-winning in the Eagles' Cup due to very strange tactics and poor team selection seemed to rear its head again), the players started to become yet more aggressive in tackles and pressured their opponents in their own half. That gave results, as Rikki Stone and Thorgeirr Axewielder many a time won balls close to the Wohlstander goal due to insane passes from the back four. Left-back Siesta looked very much up to his name today, particularly when Stein Hammerhock dribbled him into the stands before putting in a perfectly weighted cross for Robert Stubbings - who headed into the bar. However, the rebound was picked up by Stone, who unleashed a mighty shot to score the first Streetian goal this season.

It was, amazingly, still 1-1 at half-time, despite an almost suicidal charge from the Streeters to get the goal before the whistle. However, in the dressing-room, it was understood that such tactics weren't compatible with the system, and the Street were a bit more cautious coming out into the second half. Nevertheless, the Wohlstanders continued with their substandard level of passing, and Stein Hammerhock pounced on one of those poor passes to send the Street 2-1 up only four minutes into the half. Leading 2-1 and requiring a good goal difference, the Streetians continued to push forward, but to little avail.

Hexatux commented, through interpreter Hroar Pickaxe, that the match had been a good warm-up for more important matches to come, but that it was also disappointed in the players' attitude. "It is clear that we need to step up if we want to finish in the top two - then we can not afford to make any defensive errors, because players like the Audioslavians and the Pschychoes are bound to score on every chance."

K'haz'bak K'druz'ba D'gazh'dukh:
COCKBILL STREET 2 - 1 ISLES OF WOHLSTAND
Stone 33 al'Jabber 10
Hammerhock 49

Street: Havell - Hammer-fighter, Fearinciter, Spearthrower, Walker -
Hammerhock, Sodium-alginate, Underwood - T Axewielder - Stone, Stubbings
Isles: Steiner - Betrunker, Farnsworth, Ferez, Siesta - Gutermann, Mostava,
Medicci - Kasakova, Garnedy, al'Jabber
Attendance: 86,695
Booked: Hammerhock, Stubbings (Street), Gutermann, Siesta, Mostava (Isles)

Referee: Siki Rej (Rejistania) - who was released four minutes before the
match, as he was clearly not the Siki Rej so sought after in the Street after
the Under-21s dismal final loss - just someone unfortunate enough to share
the traitor's name.

EL CID NEWS.
NEWS YOU CAN USE.

sports news

Mighty Eagle slain

The Eagles Nest: 0
EL CID THE HERO : 1(Barry Trotter 38th min)

"A good solid performance" was the manager's reaction to one of the teams greatest victory in it's history.

Durning the mach build up hardly anyone belived a win would be posable. The team was writen-off by almost every newspaper and television station, with one poll prediction el cid finishing 2nd bottem in the group, but as always Terry Nevile ,Chris Skinner and the team did the talking with there feet

On there national debuts it was Barry Trotter and Brian West that were shining. Brian stoped several strong attacks on the left wing making sure his goal was protected, while Barry colected a cross from Terry Nevile in the box and got the goal thet endid up wining the game in the 38 minute.

"It's always difficult playing a teem like the Eagles Nest", said Barry Trotter afterwods, "and i'm just glad we pulled together and came through".


"I am very proud of his performance", said Chris Skinner, "he showed real skill in front of goal and was not worred by the tallent on the Eagles side".

Having beeting the top seeds in the group the team is high on confedince are hooping to cement this victory by gaining a foothold at the top half of the table

Matchday 1:The Eagles Nest v El Cid the Hero W 0-1
Matchday 2:El Cid the Hero v Halfassedstates
Matchday 3:Snub Nose 38 v El Cid the Hero
Matchday 4:El Cid the Hero v Svecia
Matchday 5:El Cid the Hero v Northbank
Matchday 6:Esth v El Cid the Hero
Matchday 7:El Cid the Hero v Wapahkoneta
Matchday 8:El Cid the Hero v The Eagles Nest
Matchday 9:Halfassedstates v El Cid the Hero
Matchday 10:El Cid the Hero v Snub Nose 38
Matchday 11:Svecia v El Cid the Hero
Matchday 12:Northbank v El Cid the Hero
Matchday 13:El Cid the Hero v Esth
Matchday 14:Wapahkoneta v El Cid the Hero

[1] Svecia 1 1 0 0 6-1 3
[2] Snub Nose 38 1 1 0 0 3-0 3
<3> Halfassedstates 1 1 0 0 3-0 3
<4> El Cid the Hero 1 1 0 0 1-0 3
5- The Eagles Nest 1 0 0 1 0-1 0
6- Esth 1 0 0 1 0-3 0
7- Wapahkoneta 1 0 0 1 0-3 0
8- Northbank 1 0 0 1 1-6 0


so stay tuned for more news on our team

D2R meet expectations, Odds of qualification fall further

D2R flew to Bedistan knowing that they had very little chance of getting points, probably the most difficult match of the 14 had to happen first, it was best to get it out of the way than leave it as an important finishing game.

D2R started off strongly, with a few shots in the opening half hour, none of which troubled the keeper too much. But it was a promising start. Bedistan seemed to be playing a boring defensive style of play with lack of flair or creativity, something which the fans had been picking at lately. Then on 39’ a breakthrough, Xi took a floored cross from Best in his stride at the front post and it hit the back of the net…nothing spectacular and only received a ripple of applause from the fans who’d have preferred something a bit more exciting, but it was still 1-0 to Bedistan, and that’s how it ended at Half-Time

The second half whistle blew and again nothing much happened with the ball pretty much glued to the midfield, of which Maeda was not a part of as he had not arrived from his new footballing-home Alan City yet. 61’ and the stadium was already emptying, Yu was fouled on the edge of the area. Reinhardt lifted the ball over the wall and into the net. It was 2-0 and mission accomplished for Bedistan, revenge dealt again for the defeat in the WC14 group stages and 3 points were won. The bore of a match continued and then the final whistle was blown. D2R must continue their struggle to gain a play-off place against Jeruselem.

Final score:
Bedistan 2 (Xi 39, Reinhardt 62)
Dance 2 Revolution 0
Attendance: 73,481

New D2R Qualification odds: 7333-2

OOC: For the record, the Cubs are Bedistan's U21 team. The senior squad is called the Lions. ;)

Oops, go Lions! or Crusaders (us).

Jeruselem Government News

Group 8 favourites start well

In World Cup XVII news, the favourites are off to a good start. The top 4 teams in the group won with no upsets although Lovisa had trouble with Spurland in a narrow 2-1 win.

The Crusaders gave rookies Vorpal Bunnies a lesson winning 3-0 although they were not playing all that well. It was not the repeat of the famous 7-1 win over another team in World Cup XV, but the poor old bunnies did not pose a challenge. Jeruselem meet more difficult opponent next. Commentor Crazy Dave promised to not overdo the music punts during the game which means he will.

Pure Evil was totally decimated in soccer. Starblaydia hammered them 6-0 to prove powerful military nations don't get their way in the sport arena.


Group 8:
Bedistan [2] Dance 2 Revolution [0]
Lovisa [2] Spurland [1]
Krytenia [3] Carthage and Troy [0]
Jeruselem [3] Vorpal Bunnies [0]

Orange-Blues win opening match

The Orange-Blues won their opening match against Haperd with a solid 3:0 victory. The Matix Veran stadium was sold out completely and a majority of the fans were from the Rejis. As a surprise for many, the young defender Sasijilvenku Dikelesinivetisaru from Alan City was among the starters. Coach Laxtu Takil said after the match: "I would have preferred to see Sasi start in a friendly, but there were no friendlies before the qualifiers this time and so I decided to give him a chance... I think he did play very well!" The biggest problem was maybe that it was extremely difficult to fit Sasijilvenku Dikelesinivetisaru's name on the kit without using letters smaller than half a centimeter (due to the high number of Sykus and Kansus in the national team, normally first and second name is shown).

The Orange-Blues played in a pretty offensive System Imdila (4-4-2) against a Haperd side playing an all-or-nothing 3-4-3. Despite this many attempts and attacks, the Haperd side had no 100%-chances. The "wall of Rejistania" was in top-form. In the tenth minute, the (apparently Star-Trek loving) Haperd Vulcans had their first chance when a pass from Kadu Hsen was intercepted by Kris Haperd Jr. But Dikelesinivetisaru'he stole the ball from him and the Orange-Blues started a counter-attack. Haperd goalie Brett Ellis could not hold SyMji's fast shot in the upper left corner, the Orange-Blues were ahead 1:0. In the 25th minute, Nohea Laolani's foul on Nxeni Venu resulted in a free kick for the Orange-Blues. Sijitalatirikimidateme Xkora player and national team debutant Kvansa Laijiyiaya shot, and Hiki Suny scored with a header. The Orange-Blues changed to a more defensive tactic after the 2:0 lead and the first half ended 2:0 due to this.
In the second half, one of the rare Orange-Blue attacks were successfull: Lyku Ju could but be stopped by the Haperd defense and the score was increased to the final 3:0. Haperd had some chances in the second half, but the Orange-Blue defense could clear them, even though sometimes only with luck.

The result:
Rejistania 3 (Lyku 11th, Suny 25th, Ju 64th)
Haperd 0

Raptors Claw Down Favorites

Raptor Claw have opened their World Cup match with the victory over the best team Europa Brittania. The Raptors took an early lead through Imat Arget, but Europa Brittania scored to make the scores the same again. Runni Nondaside was able to score for the Raptors to give them win on the first game of World Cup 17. Gonnast Opyou played well during the game and earned a cheer for his performance. Crystilakere lead the group after they had a big win and The Belmore Family beat Omniworld to be second. Raptor Claw are third and Dead Man are fourth.



---Group 6----
[1] Crystilakere 1 1 0 0 5-0 3
[2] The Belmore Family 1 1 0 0 2-0 3
<3> Raptor Claw 1 1 0 0 2-1 3
<4> Dead Man 1 1 0 0 1-0 3
5- Europa Brittania 1 0 0 1 1-2 0
6- Tanah Burung 1 0 0 1 0-1 0
7- Omniworld 1 0 0 1 0-2 0
8- Mikele 1 0 0 1 0-5 0

Pterodactyls Tamed

Pterodactyl have lost in their first World Cup match after qualifying for the World Cup only after beating Flexys Cefn Druids 2-1 in the Colony Cup 1.1. The Pterdactyls were playing against NASTIC 2 who are better than Pterodactyl and likely the reason the Pterodactyls could not win.

Pterodactyl are not last because Lemmitania beat Artoonia 7-1 so Artoonia are last. Pterodactyl are with the same points as Tadjikistan and Dennisov.



---Group 1----
[1] Lemmitania 1 1 0 0 7-1 3
[2] NASTIC 2 1 1 0 0 2-0 3
<3> Total n Utter Insanity 1 1 0 0 2-1 3
<4> Kylaai 1 1 0 0 2-1 3
5- Tadjikistan 1 0 0 1 1-2 0
6- Dennisov 1 0 0 1 1-2 0
7- Pterodactyl 1 0 0 1 0-2 0
8- Artoonia 1 0 0 1 1-7 0

Ask George

Q: Hey George, after getting smacked around in Matchday 1, what do you think the future holds for the Pimentos?
-Butch Lemos

A: Well, any idealism in this nation believing that Big Pimento may qualify for the World Cup was crushed with one foul swoop last night. The Pimentos were thoroughly outclassed by the Weegie side, a team who wasn’t believed to be one of the stronger in the group. I believe a “core four” made up of Audioslavia, Squornshelous, Cockbill Street and The Weegies will run away with this group and battle amongst themselves for the three playoff spot. We’d be very hard pressed to steal any points from any of those four squads. However, there are a few weaker teams in the group with who some points might be there for the taking. Big Pimento is definitely the underdog of this group, but I don’t think it’s out of the question that we collect a few points before the end of the tournament.

Q: That was a pretty shoddy performance last night, who really stood out to you in a negative or positive fashion last game?
-Johan Tesliuk

A: Well I like to think the glass is half-full, so I’ll start with the positives from last game. Selecao was a late addition to the squad, but the youngster showed off his trademark ball control and flair in that first match. He made some great runs up the left flank and was the closest thing to an offensive catalyst on our side. Offensively, he had a great game keeping the Weegie defenders modest.

Captain Jalapeno Lewis also looked good, stymieing many Weegie chances on the right side. He showed his great anticipation and tackling ability in that match and appears as though he may be one of the few players to be of the class of the stronger opposing teams.

For my disappointments, I have to say the entire left side of the defence looked rather porous. Branislav Rachunek and Phillip Phillips will really need to step it up in a big way in their next match, or else they may be riding the pine at the start of the next match. This duo which was supposed to guard the fort on the left side was weak, and The Weegies realized it, directing most of their attacks through there. One could argue that they didn’t get much help from Selecao, but Rachunek and Phillips will have to be much better in future matches if Big Pimento hopes to steal a few points.

Also, Charles “Sargent” Pepper, the late call-up from the military looked as though he might have been suffering from jetlag. His play was uninspired, only touching the ball twice the entire match and relinquishing it right away to the opposing defence. Manager Harry Toebels caught on to this and substituted him off early in the second half and I’d be shocked if he had a starting role during their next match against Cockbill Street.

Q: Big Pimento plays Cockbill Street next. How do you see this match playing out?
-Stuart Ferdinand

A: Next game will be a telling one for both sides, as we’ll say how they bounce back from adversity. Despite a three-goal loss, the Pimentos didn’t play that badly given the fact they were completely outclassed by a better squad. On paper, Cockbill Street is an even better team than The Weegies, but they limped to a 2-1 victory over the Isles of Wohlstand in their opener. Cockbill Street will hit the pitch with something to prove.

But as we know, the Pimentos are a proud side and will not be want to be embarrassed during their home opener. I expect to see nothing less than the Pimento’s finest effort next match. I think Big Pimento may be hard pressed to get a victory, but I don’t see them getting blown out of the water either, particularly if Cockbill Street shows the rusty form they did last night. I’ll predict a 3-1 victory for the Streeters, which would be a great result for the Pimentos, holding a team ranked top 25 in the World to within two goals.

*e-mail your questions to George at gorgeousgeorge44@football.bp

ASNN - Stars open with expected win over The Gulf States

GRAHAM CITY - The new look Stars opened up thier World Cup qualifying run with a two-nil victory which featured some great chemistry from several of the new players on the team, to a glaring weakness that could mean the benching of a major star. Striker Jason Fleury has had a tumultuous last two years, as his conflict with the Bedistani captain of Highlanders has overshadowed much of his improvement since his appearance on the national team last world cup. Their feud was sparked by what Bedistani Doug Kapstani called 'his inability to accept that he is part of a team.' His performance today suggests that his age, which did not appear to be a factor last year, has cought up to him, and may result in his benching in favor of Jasper Park.

The game began with a series of nice runs and attacks on the States' goal by Niko Ijas and Kassen Illius. Through a nice coupld of passes, they were able to give each other several chances which were stopped by Felix Johnson, keeper for that States. Ijas, a newcomer to Clan football, is reknowned for his massive shots, and is often known to sneak goals in from just a quarter past the mid line. The game continued with Clan dominance, and the three runs made by Gulf States were quickly repelled by former Kingsford star Thomas Quest, who joined the team after receiving his citizenship after the collapse of the KPL. The defence held well, and the game continued. Just before the fourtieth minute, Fleury was gifted with an excellent pass from Peter Bearclaw, who proceeded to miff the shot. Missteps like this plagued his play throughout the game, bringing into question his insistance that the fights with Kapstani will not afftect his play.

The Stars went into halftime without a material lead, but claerly had the upperhand on the States. As the second half began, Pavel Julios could be see having some words with Fleury, and seemed to be reassuring him. The game continued, along with Fleury's shaky play, but he seemed to step it up a bit, playing a pass from Ijas to Keving Landingham, who worked his was around two States defenders, and scored the Stars first goal in the sixteeth minute. The next goal game fifteen minutes later, as Percy Stuart passed it to Niko Ijas, who took a cannonating shot from thirty yeards out, and put it in off the inside of the crossbar.

In the press conference after the game, Jeff Mckay spoke quickly about Jason Fleury's poor play. He responded, "It's understandable that he'd be having trouble. I mean, given all the pressure he's under, I would be pretty darned terrified myself. He handled himself admirably last cup, but he's got much more on his plate this season. We'll see how he does and talk it over with him at a later date.

TLC Stars 2 - 0 The Gulf States
Landingham (60th, no Assist)
Ijas (75th, Stuart Assist)

Schedule - Qualifying
MD1 - The Lowland Clans (Home) vs The Gulf States - W 2-0
MD2 - The Lowland Clans (Away) vs Adrasuvare
MD3 - The Lowland Clans (Home) vs Kirata
MD4 - The Lowland Clans (Away) vs Kerla
MD5 - The Lowland Clans (Away) vs NEWI Cefn Druids
MD6 - The Lowland Clans (Away) vs Lykaia
MD7 - The Lowland Clans (Home) vs Wella
MD8 - The Lowland Clans (Away) vs The Gulf States
MD9 - The Lowland Clans (Home) vs Adrasuvare
MD10 - The Lowland Clans (Away) vs Kirata
MD11 - The Lowland Clans (Home) vs Kerla
MD12 - The Lowland Clans (Home) vs NEWI Cefn Druids
MD13 - The Lowland Clans (Home) vs Lykaia
MD14 - The Lowland Clans (Away) vs Wella

Stars make changes, hope to dull Blades

Following the Sarzonian national team's 2-0 loss to Commerce Heights, Coach Bryan Marshall announced several lineup changes for the match against fellow Atlantian Oceania mates Starblaydia.

With forward Anton Gregor automatically suspended for one match for a red card against Commerce Heights, Marshall said Barry Alphonso would take his spot in the lineup. Marshall also announced the team would switch to a 4-4-2 for the match against Starblaydia.

"We're going to look to tighten up our defense a bit against the Blades, especially after they poured in six goals in their opening match," Marshall said.

Defenders Lance Alcina and Emacio will step into the starting 11 and midfielder Martin Overton will go to the bench. Corey Hemby will continue to play centre back, but William Jackson will also play central defense, leaving defender Mike Coyle to work the left side and Emacio to work as a right sided defender.

"We have three guys who play in the Starblaydi league on our team. That should help us," midfielder and team captain Bobby Convey said. "Not that we aren't familiar with them since we played them in AOCAF, but they play with them on their club teams. We're definitely quizzing them while we look at the tapes."

The Stars lost to the Blades, 2-0 during the opening round of the AOCAF tournament so the Stars are looking to learn from their previous match against the Blades.

"We can't afford to make the same mistakes against them that we did the last time," forward Brian Wilson said. "We'll be ready."

TEN robbed of Tie against EL CID THE HERO

Previous reports fail to mention blatant overlooked handball in box

*Coach Adams wheels in a video cart to the interview room and merely presses play*

"And there goes Secour, down the left line, he does a cross to Horace, wait it was intereepted by that ECTH defender...wait a minute! he handballed! He handballed in the box! We should get a penalty kick! I mena come on, the ball was above his head and he tapped it down to himself......NO CALL??? WHAT IS THIS REF SEEING??

Oh my goodness, Secour is trying to recover the ball, the ECTH is playing keep away and there the final whistle and the fans have erupted in a cascade of boos as the handball is being played over and over again on the big screen."

Coach Adams then speaks:
Well guys, we got the wrong end of a call today, a blatant call against us. But I can't do much more than that. we played a good game, but just ou offense is struiggling a bit right now...it's time to go back and reset our game and play to win the rest of these qualifyers. Now if you would excuse me, I have a plane to catch.


*As Coach Adams leaves he is stopped by a shadowy figure in the hall.*

Coach, tough loss out there.

Do I know you?

No, but it is vital you do well.

I know that.

Do you remember your first world cup?

Yes, the infamous Group 11? *Coach Adams looks puzzled*

Yes that one. I want you to know. The machine is working again. And all will be ok.

*Coach Adams' face begins to pale* The RP Machine is working again?

*the man in the shadows nods, and then turns the corner away from Coach Adams*

Play well. and get your newspapermen to start writing. This isn't group 11, but the RP machine can still do the trick.

*as Coach turns towards the bus, he passes by the equipment manager and another man arguing over where a VERY large crate is to be placed to get it to their next game. Coach Adams shakes his head then starts to grin.*

Game on.

Manager not Happy with 'Blades' nickname.
Starblaydi-League Alternatives have varied results on Match-Day One

"This is what I'm talking about," said new Coach Guylain N'Dumbu-Nsungu in response to the latest Sarzonian press releases, "We're not The Blades, we're a nation. When the Vilitan press labelled us as 'Blade's the previous gaffer seemed to think it was quaint and went along with it. We're a Country, for crying out loud, not a Sunday League team of ponces. We're Starblaydia, and I'll have words with anyone who says otherwise, Bryan Marshall in particular."

I, for one, certinaly wouldn't want Gulyain to 'have words' with me, as he's rather a large man. Elsewherem for our make-believe team of Alternates playing in the Starblaydi Leagues, some things went really well while others weren't anything to write home about, for fear of upsetting your mother.

For the Players from Insane Inflation and Wapahkoneta, nothing went well at all as they lost 3-0 each to Halfassedstates and Melmond respectively. The three Sarzonians defenders, playing alongside Starblaydia in Group 9, ended up losing 2-0 to Commerce Heights as they all made it onto the pitch after Anton Gregor was sent off for the Stars.

Rejistanian Taude Lue put in a solid performance for Rejistania as they beat Haperd 3-0, winning no glory but helping to stabilise his team in the middle of the park. NEWI Cenf Druids Left-Midfielder Trevor Collins, 'Keeper Roy Meredith and Striker Rhys Owens all sat kicking their heels on the bench through their 3-1 win over Kerla, as did Paul Aketon during Cockbill Street's 2-1 defeat of the Isles of Wohlstand. It has been indicated that Paul will be allowed to take his leave of the Streetian squad for Matchday 11, as the Starblaydia Vs Liechtenistan Match on that day will be played at the Bekkside Stadium, home of Paul's club Tabeck FC.

The Tuorian result against Ravea was the best of the day, equalling Starblaydia's 6-0 thrashing of Pre Evil. Dreka, Inostraza and Knapko all sat their young behinds on the sidelines for the entire match though, waiting for their oppurtunities to prove their worth for the Vilitan Colony.

Player of the Starblaydi-League Alternatives Team so far: Tuade Lue (Rejistania)

Liechtenistan fail to impress in first game

Giant Zucchini 3-1 Liechtenistan

Goals -
1-0 Furf (14')
2-0 Thunk (39')
2-1 Riemenschneider (65')
3-1 Furtermachtermorgstrasluwecragnavonchelsenntungkshvaghugtihetesprishtengckshnoff (89')

Liechtenistan fell 3-1 to a better prepared Giant Zucchini team in their first match of the World Cup qualifying game in Giant Zucchini.

The better organisated Zucchini side took the lead after just 14 minutes when a through ball set up their forward, Furf, who slotted it calmly past the oncoming Peter Jehle in goal. Giant Zucchini has several chances to increase their lead in front of the shakey Liechten defence but couldn't capitalise until a cornor on 39 minutes was headed superbly into the top corner by the large centre-back, Thunk. Half-time couldn't come sooner for the Liechtenistan players.

After the break, the Zucchini manager thought that Thunk needed to remain fresh for future matches and greatly annoyed commentators by bring on Furtermachtermorgstrasluwecragnavonchelsenntungkshvaghugtihetesprishtengckshnoff, henceforth known as Furt'noff. Liechtenistan seemed to come out of the break with renewed spirit and started positively. However, the couldn't break through the defence until Stephen Riemenschneider went on a mazy run through the defence before letting fly from just outside the area with the ball ending up in the bottom-right corner. The game died down a bit with Liechtenistan trying to constantly put pressure on Giant Zucchini, however nothing came and their hopes of salvaging a point were ended when Furt'noff latched onto a long clearance and steamed up the pitch before coolly lobbing Peter Jehle.

THE HERALD SPORTS DIGEST

Menage Á Troy

A SOLID start for Krytenia in Group Eight, as they rose to the top of the table on Matchday One. Carthage & Troy acquitted themselves reasonably well, however they had no answer to the sheer attacking force of Karim Isserson's men.

Krytenia dominated throughout, and it took just twelve minutes for them to get on the scoresheet. The passing ability of the Celestials' midfield four is just excellent, and a pinpoint over-the-shoulder ball from Stephen Xousa found Ulvæus in acres of space. Jiram Hampsicora was given no chance in the Carthage goal as Ulvæus slotted home.

One became two on thirty-seven minutes from a set piece. A corner whipped in from Lydersen was turned in by captain Ryan Carew, although the ball did take a hefty deflection along the way. Carew's overzealous celebration, however, earned him a yellow card.

The score was completed on the hour. More excellent midfield play from Lydersen and Xousa saw the ball travel quickly down the right wing. Xousa's cross was met by Ulvæus, and though his shot was well parried by Hampsicora, sub Acienko Rimmer was there to slot home.

Newcomers and Eagle's Nest possession Vorpal Bunnies are next, and three points would be expected, especially after their 3-0 capitulation at the hands of Jeruselem. That would be a welcome bonus before the real test begins.

KRYTENIA - 3
Ulvæus 12, Carew 37, Rimmer 60

CARTHAGE & TROY - 0

H v Carthage & Troy W 3-0 (Ulvaeus, Carew, Rimmer)
A v Vorpal Bunnies
H v Dance 2 Revolution
A v Spurland
H v Jeruselem
H v Bedistan
A v Lovisa
A v Carthage & Troy
H v Vorpal Bunnies
A v Dance 2 Revolution
H v Spurland
A v Jeruselem
A v Bedistan
H v Lovisa

REGIA ANGLORUMS PROBLEMS GO FROM BAD TO WORSE!

Regia Anglorum fans were today seen grimmly staring at there own feet and sighing loudly when the ministry of sport announced that in addition to there poor performance in there recent world cup match; that star midfielder James Ehlander has been declared out of the rest of the tournament with a fractured leg.

The Injury was sustained in the dying minutes of the match from a hidiously heavy challenge. Manager Steven Gordon Orangeson has publicly stated "there is no place for that kind of tackle in the modern game I shall be putting in an official complaint against the player in question, It was a red card offence at least in fact I'd go so far as to say he should be banned for at least 10 matches but it is not my place to make such decisions".

Assistant Manager Tord Gripe was heard to say "if i see the B****** i'll chin him!".

In lightof this injury the ministry of sport has annouced that Ehlanders place in the team will be taken by teenage wonderkid Edwards Duncan. 16 year old Duncan who in the second half of this season broke into the Ajax first team; has been a subject of hot debate amongst scouts and coaches across Anglorum and holland for some time.

However the manager has released a press statement declaring he is not expecting anything special from him. " I have told not to worry and just to go out there and enjoy himself, play his own game and see what happens, you cant expect a young player even of his talent to win the game for you. His team mates need to raise there own game if we are going to progress".

The Ministry of sport have announced that King James himself will be visiting the team later today to raise there spirits and wish them luck for there next match. Rumour has it Orangeson will be knighted if he can somehow get the team to progress further in the cup.

http://www.biezanow.net/~dominik/TVLovun/tvlovunsport-football.gif
Good start

Lovisa in first match start good. Win with Spurland 2-1 at home.
Of course we will be fith to advance to the final, but they will be not easy.



---Group 8----
[1] Krytenia 1 1 0 0 3-0 3
[2] Jeruselem 1 1 0 0 3-0 3
<3> Bedistan 1 1 0 0 2-0 3
<4> Lovisa 1 1 0 0 2-1 3
5- Spurland 1 0 0 1 1-2 0
6- Dance 2 Revolution 1 0 0 1 0-2 0
7- Carthage and Troy 1 0 0 1 0-3 0
8- Vorpal Bunnies 1 0 0 1 0-3 0

(This post is dedicated to the slani forums, which don't let me post as II.)

The Reichsmarkia Times
Price subject to change (rise)

Llamas renamed!

Due to the fear of a lawsuit between the Pedriana FA and FA of Insane Inflation, the FAoII decided to rename the national team. They are no longer the llamas but the trillionaires. A spokesperson admitted that the only reason for this ironical name was the lack of any good ideas for a better nickname. Despite that: GO TRILLIONAIRES!!

Outclassed!

We could list all kinds of explanations, find someone to blame, demand "personal consequences" (i.e.: the head of coach Ludwig Erhardt), would that change anything? Oh, it would make you feel better? Okay then: After the match against HypercapitaliZm, the entire team partied - hard, hard enough so no one remembers the score of that match. Imagine the hangover after that, or better do not, but you surely can believe that it exists (especially with the cheap hooch from Insane Inflation). Apparently they spend their entire reward for reaching the world Cup on booze. Despite the hyperinflation in Insane Inflation, the reward was worth something and despite the promise of the hosts to have a relaxed schedule, the national team had to fly directly to Melmond. It was a disgrace to see how the national team did: The trillionaires were outclassed badly and only Hans Eichel was the one who prevented things from becoming really embarrassing! Ojfssnsj Xrnym (no this is not a head being banged on the keyboard, she really has this name) scored a hat trick and Critandi Unne nearly increased the score even more, but a questionable offside-decision saved the trillionaires.

We expect Ludwig Erhardt to take the consequences for this extreme partying and the dismal performance and resign quickly!

The score:
Melmond 3 (Ojfssnsj Xrnym 2nd, 34th, 61st)
Insane Inflation 0

The Aeropag Tribune - Official sponsor of the east goal at Capitalizm

World Cup Report - Qualifying Matchday 1
Sarzonia @ Commerce Heights
NEW LEXINGTON, LM - With most of the team remembering the quarterfinal blowout in Rejistania like it was yesterday, the 'experts' said the Capitalizts would suffer from low morale, probably beating the Sarzonia Stars through dumb luck. Though they were partially right, the team recovered from their depression as T. I. Yen, the only starter that wasn't on the roster for WC16, kicked the ball high in the 64th minute. The ball had an unusual spin on it, and it changed direction several times as it bounced off the heads of Sarzonian and Capitalizt players. Eventually, it found its way into the goal, since Sarzonian goalie Troy Perkins was too shocked by the path of the ball to notice where it was heading next. With a 1-0 lead and a boost in confidence, the team made some substitutions and used System Karela, the well-known 10-0-0 formation which prevents anyone from scoring. The Sarzonians were persistent, however, and kicked the ball at the goal several times, all of which were unsuccessful. Their last attack, however, led to a second Capitalizt goal as B. S. lil'kansu'slani'ny'mer'uber'al'an'bel'more'slani kicked the ball off the crossbar of his own goal, causing Lance Alcina to become confused and score an own goal. Though the game was not as impressive as Starblaydia's 6-0 trashing of Pure Evil, it was, in coach Rejis'slani'ny's own words, "terrible play".

Qualifiers (home games in CAPS)
Day Opponent Result
1 SARZONIA W 2-0
2 Oceaice

[1] Starblaydia 1 1 0 0 6-0 3
[2] Giant Zucchini 1 1 0 0 3-1 3
<3> Commerce Heights 1 1 0 0 2-0 3
<4> Iansisle 1 1 0 0 3-2 3
5- Oceaiace 1 0 0 1 2-3 0
6- Liechtenistan 1 0 0 1 1-3 0
7- Sarzonia 1 0 0 1 0-2 0
8- Pure Evil 1 0 0 1 0-6 0

Team a Bit Dotty After Loss

ONE RED DOT -- Unfortunately, the opposing team was not made up of just a red dot. No, they had eleven perfectly normal humans on their side, and strangely enough, not one of them seemed to be the least bit afraid of the twelve-foot-tall Giant Evil Spider starting in the Llamas' midfield. This lack of fear in fact made Bob quite sad, making him unable to concentrate on the game. He was even cited twice for antennaballing, and the second of those offenses caused him to be sent off. Without Bob, the rest of the team didn't have a prayer, and they were lucky to only lose by two goals.

Final score:
One Red Dot 3
Pedriana 1 (Jalkut 75)

Gesamtkuntswerk Sturms open WCXVII with victory

The Gesamtkuntswerk Sturms welcomed this round of competition with open arms, as the Sturms take and keep an early lead to bring a first-round victory under their belts. Facing off against Team Eystrck in the first round, the Sturms opened with their signature Blitzkrieg Offense, rolling back the Eystrcki defense and putting in a goal in the seventeenth minute (credited to Padráig O Máille, assist by Nick Bruckner). Team Eystrck tried to turn the game around with their own push, but the Sturms pushed them back again and again, regaining control of the ball and scoring for the second time in the 41st minute (credited to Nick Bruckner).

In the second half, a hand ball haphazardously close to the Sturms' goal allowed the first Eystrck kill of the day. It made little difference, however, as the Sturms kept Team Eystrck from scoring for the rest of the game while at the same time earning an insurance goal in the 73rd minute (credited to Nick Bruckner). Final score:

Gesamtkuntswerk [3] Eystrck [1]

The Daily Druid

POSTERS KERLA SEALS POINTS
Björn-Trevor Frederiksson on NEWI Cefn Druids 3 Kerla 1

NEWI Cefn Druids got off to the best possible start with a win in their World Cup qualifying opener against Kerla. Despite conceiding a sloppy goal in the second half, the Druids were always in control of proceedings. Trevor Law's header from a corner, Liam Gessemschmitthaagen-Po's cross-come-shot and a fantastically flighted Bill Posters free-kick sealed a simple win for the Druids.

"We were just warming up for the rest of the campaign," was joint manager Simon Greaves' view afterwards. "If we played as well as we can do, we could have scored loads, maybe even more than that."

The Druids' next opponents are The Gulf States, who lost their opening encounter with The Lowland Clans. However, the other Druids manager, Trevor Kallins, is not underestimating them. He said, "They've got potential, a bit like we did about 25 years ago. Only they've got a better ranking than we had after two cups, and they've only been in one." Come to think of it, though, has anyone ever had a worse ranking after two cups than the Druids did?

Final Score:
NEWI Cefn Druids 3 [Law 24 Gessemschmitthaagen-Po 54, Posters 82]
Kerla 1 [Kerly 69]

...AND NOW, THE FIXTURES/SCORERS

Results so far...

Matchday 1: NEWI Cefn Druids 3-1 Kerla

Top scorers

[1] Trevor Law, Liam Gessemschmitthaagen-Po, Bill Posters

...and still to come:

Matchday 2: The Gulf States v NEWI Cefn Druids
Matchday 3: NEWI Cefn Druids v Adrusuvare
Matchday 4: Kirata v NEWI Cefn Druids
Matchday 5: NEWI Cefn Druids v The Lowland Clans
Matchday 6: Wella v NEWi Cefn Druids
Matchday 7: NEWI Cefn Druids v Lykaia
Matchday 8: Kerla v NEWI Cefn Druids
Matchday 9: NEWI Cefn Druids v The Gulf States
Matchday 10: Adrusuvare v NEWI Cefn Druids
Matchday 11: NEWI Cefn Druids v Kirata
Matchday 12: The Lowland Clans v NEWI Cefn Druids
Matchday 13: NEWi Cefn Druids v Wella
Matchday 14: Lykaia v NEWI Cefn Druids

All home matches to be played at The Hole, Mawr (capacity 89,500)

Xrnym Burns Them
Disappointments Off To Solid Start With 3-nil Victory
By Dita Dutch of the Acosta Chronicle

ACOSTA, MELMOND—The players and media from the nation of Insane Inflation are really something. Despite having the weakest currency in the world, they have the gall to call themselves the “Trillionaires.” I suppose it doesn’t mean much, as a trillion of their currency, the totally inflated yen equals about 14 miniwong. Their description of how bad they played was just as inflated. Despite being completely outclassed talent wise and a wee bit tipsy, the Insane Inflation side played as hard as they could. However, this match was the breakout game of Wzkknfs Hnyd native and player for Wzkknfs Hnyd Pinks striker Ojfssnsj Xrnym, who just lit up the scoreboard by hanging her hat on the Insane Inflation side in a 3-nil victory which could have been 6-nil if it weren’t for some good saves by Insane Inflation goalkeeper Hans Eichel.
She started her terrific international debut with an absolute bang as right after the opening kickoff Melmond midfielder Critandi Unne made a solid tackle on Insane Inflation midfielder Kwanza Nouveau. S/he then finds midfielder Fwynj Otsjx who then find striker Ojfssnsj Xrnym to blast the ball right past the helpless Insane Inflation keeper Hans Eichel. The Melmond football faithful went wild in Acosta as Melmond takes a seemingly instantaneous 1-nil lead at the 2nd minute of the match.
Melmond continued to dominate the possession game, but Insane Inflation played respectable defence during the first half and kept the Melmond attack from finding any good scoring opportunities. As the pressure continued from the Melmond attack, Insane Inflation finally conceded a corner kick. As usual, Melmond defender and captain Jonsi Torrini took the honours with the corner kick. Being in front of his hometown, Torrini wanted to show off a little bit, so he attempted his “Acosta-Audioslavia arc,” a technique he perfected while playing for Cornellby City in Audioslavia. It is a corner kick that has enough English to the point that it can arc in the opposing side’s net. Unfortunately, his attempt ended up being a tiny bit high as it beat the goalkeeper but hit the crossbar. Fortunately, Ojfssnsj Xrnym was Johnny on the Spot, or more appropriate Jenny on the Spot since she is female. She trapped the rebound from the crossbar and just kicked the ball past the downed Insane Inflation keeper. Melmond takes the 2-nil lead at the 34th minute.
The Melmond defence was very physical and punishing to the Insane Inflation side. One can tell that they were getting worn out by the Melmond defending style promoted by Manager David Bixler. They were able to get three shots on goal, but all the shots were easily taken care of by Melmond goalkeeper Snhp Xtfuinxm. As the first half ended, the Melmond side was received by the crowd with a standing ovation and the Insane Inflation side was really beat and in the locker room was sucking on oxygen and some other anonymous liquids.
As the second half commenced, the Melmond attack really began to take control as they played the possession game, trying to lull the opponents to sleep to find the perfect strike. The first two attempts were by striker Tim Remans, but unfortunately Insane Inflation goalkeeper Hans Eichel was able to make some very good saves. However, at the 68th minute, Melmond striker Ojfssnsj Xrnyn will cap the performance that was so good that one would take their hats off to her. At the 68th minute, veteran Melmond midfielder Cristina Antunez made a keen cross which caught the Insane Inflation defence completely off-guard. Xrnym just easily heads the ball right into the net in the opposite direction of the diving Insane Inflation goalkeeper. Xrnym gets a hat trick in her first ever international match and Melmond has the 3-nil lead and the Melmond footballing faithful expecting more goals.
That expectation almost came true as Melmond midfielder Cristina Antunez makes another one of those clever passes she has been known for all her long career to Melmond midfielder Critandi Unne, who got past and was well ahead of the Insane Inflation defender Cedi Quoa. Unne looked to be on hir way to scoring Melmond’s fourth goal, but the referee lifts the offside flag. The sold out crowd of 42,176 expressed their great displeasure with a loud array of whistles at the referee, who eventually had to get the blood cleaned out of his ears. Critandi Unne was clearly onside and Melmond was robbed of its fourth goal.
That really didn’t matter however, as the Insane Inflation attack was just swallowed by the Melmond defence, never having the energy to make a speed burst past the tight and physical marking. The only shot on goal was a desperation shot easily taken care of by Xtfuinxm. Melmond as expected starts out their fifth qualifying campaign with a win. The margin was expected to be more than 3-nil however, but a win is a win. The next match is a very interesting matchup against a nation who hates us more than anything, The Evil Umpire. Fortunately, the match will be played at a neutral site. More on that story later.

Goals
Xrnym, MEL 2nd
Xrnym, MEL 34th
Xrnym, MEL 68th

Cards
None

Standings

Other Group 3 Results
Eauz 3 – The Evil Umpire 0
Spaam 5 – Slaikau 0
Oaker 3 – Qia 0

Group 3
Pts W D L GF:GA GD
1. Spaam 3 1 0 0 5:0 5
2. Eauz 3 1 0 0 3:0 3
3. Oaker 3 1 0 0 3:0 3
4. Melmond 3 1 0 0 3:0 3
5. The Evil Umpire 0 0 0 1 0:3 -3
6. Qia 0 0 0 1 0:3 -3
7. Insane Inflation 0 0 0 1 0:3 -3
8. Slaikau 0 0 0 1 0:3 -3

Team Stats
Goals: Ojfssnsj Xrnym (3)
Cards: None

Melmond National Team Schedule

v Insane Inflation (Frankndottir Stadium, Acosta) W 3-0
v The Evil Umpire (Vilita)
v Slaikau (Microcosm Football Colossuseum, Aldi)
@ Qia
@ Oaker
v Spaam (Melmond Bowl, Melmond City)
@ Eauz
@ Insane Inflation
v The Evil Umpire (Commerce Heights)
@ Slaikau
v Qia (Bwnlqjd Knjgi, Wzkknfs Hynd)
v Oaker (Feliz-Unne Stadium, Unne)
@ Spaam
v Eauz (Makinshakes Stadium, O’Connor)

Next Game
vs. The Evil Umpire (Vilita)

This has been shaping up to be a highly controversial match already. Although the people of Melmond don’t hate the people and tea bags of The Evil Umpire, they want us all dead because we embrace free will, what they see as the greatest good since they are evil. The match will take place in the most secure stadium in Vilita, Lirai Asku Castle in Yeaddin. The stadium is a marvel because the exterior is an ancient Vilitan castle and a stadium was fitted within the hollowed grounds. Many of Vilita’s best guard have been hired by the Melmond Football Association to protect their players from whatever evil sheananigans 8-Bit has up his sleeve. As for football, The Evil Umpire is made up of tea bags, so expect a lot of cards during this match. Melmond is the more talented side but not by much. Here is Manager David Bixler’s starting lineup.

GK- Snhp Xtfuinxm
D- Jonsi Torrini
D- Sergio Ortiz
D- Charles Unne
D- Trav Strachan
M- Fwynj Otsjx
M- Alfred Smith
M- Critandi Unne
M- Cristina Antunez
F- Ojfssnsj Xrnym
F- Tim Remans

For tickets to Vilita and the match call the Therewegoes Travel Agency at 3-18-357-9009. Vilita has really redefined itself since the days they hosted the Cup of Harmony 12 years ago. They have a great balance between tropical environmental sights and modern pleasures. There is more police than usual in Yeaddin for this match. Plenty of tickets available.

BREAKING NEWS.....
8-Bit Suddenly Obliges to Neutral Site

In a surprising turn of event, the dictator of The Unholy Alliance of The Evil Umpire, 8-Bit, self proclaimed "ruler of all," buckled for some reason on his position to keep the matches home-away and no neutral sites. The Evil Umpire officials had a frightened look on their face as they made the argument. There has been no report or reasons why The Evil Umpire changed their positions. The first match between the two sides will be held at Lirai Asku Castle in Yeaddin, Vilita and the second in Commerce Heights. The stadium for that match has not been decided upon.

Oaker Sharks

Stadium: Pinealla International Stadium

Roster:

Carrin Oaker (GK), Torry Oaker (GK), Stef Oaker (D), Gray Oaker (D), Mitel Oaker (D), Lenny Oaker (D), Tabby Oaker (D), Scott Oaker (M) Freddy Oaker (M), Sport Oaker (M), Venus Oaker (M), Arthin Oaker (M), Kelvin Oaker (M), Raven Oaker (M), Flash Oaker (F), Tip Oaker (F), Cats Oaker (F), Pond Oaker (F)


Oaker 3 Qia 0

The Sharks easily defeated Qia for the first time they have played. Flash Oaker has come out of the hospital to score his first two goals of the world cup in the first half. First Flash was able to steal the ball when Ruben Rivas tried to pass to Martin Rivas. Flash intercepted the ball and rounded the Qia keeper easily to put the Sharks in the lead. He scored again soon after when Eduardo Cea crashed into his teammate Astom Nartan in the middle of the field, gifting the ball to Venus Oaker who crossed to a flying Flash who scored his second goal. Carrin Oaker only had to make one save when Wison Davis got a long shot in but Carrin easily got the shot covered. Pond Oaker came on as a sub to score his first goal of this world cup and now Oaker are ready to take on better opposition and make it back to the finals.

Headlines
The foaker fever has spread to Qia, raising doubts about the ability of the Qia team to compete in the rest of the cup. Foaker fever has already claimed the nation of Brazillico, and officials have been sent to Qia to prevent them from suffering the same fate. If you feel you or anyone in your nation has caught foaker fever, you are advised to stay away from Melmond. It is believed that anyone in Melmond with foaker fever will be burned in a hay stack.

The Real-Life Flash Oaker is still competing on the new local reality show "Oaker Stars take a Bath" where local celebrities are all thrown naked into a hot tub, and longer they last in the tub, the more objects will be thrown into the tub, from flying fish to purple skin die, which does not wash off, but does wear off after approximately 5 weeks of natural exposure. The last celebrity in the tub wins Ox/10.000.000 for a charity of their choice. The show will resume shortly after a brief stoppage.


Thats all from Oaker today, tune in tomorrow for a report on the next match!

Crystils Crush Mikele

The Crystilakere Crystils registered one of their highest victories in the world cup over the worst team in Group 6, Mikele. The Crystils scored 5 times without conceding any and now are in first place in the table. Darren Whelen scored 2 goals in the first half, both off free-kicks. The kicks were no more than usual Whelan kicks but the poor Mikele keeper was unable to compete with the curling Whelan efforts. Crystili striker Toader Pold scored in the second half top put the Crystils three up, before Christian Benedetti scored two late goals to seal the win.

Le LIBRE

Match Day 1 Survived

Match Day 1 began for Les Bleus in Zuka, against The Evil Umpire team. Apparently, this inbreed team was the most evil of all the Umpire national teams. Eauz fans had no clue who this team was, just assumed they would be a push over for Les Bleus. Almost every fan in the stands had a program to familiarise themselves with the players on the team. Only a few were left from the World Cup 16 cup victory.

Rousoi was back in net to redeem himself and proof that what occurred during WC16 was just a stupid act. The match started with The Evil Umpire on the attack Joseuf Teabag brought the ball up passing it to one of his team mates, or should we say brothers. The inbreeding though didn’t help the team, as the sight of one of the teabag players was not good, as the ball went out of play, and Derryl teabad trying to kick air. Rousoi took the ball and kicked it down the field towards Vasser, who brought it up field. He kicked it towards the goal, as Alia gained control of it. Alia was attacked from a few sides, thus kicked it out in the open. Rousseau kicked the ball, going into the top of the net during the 21st minute of play. Eauz fans screamed and wrote down Rousseau’s name to remember this star. Fast forward to the 35th minute of play, as Eauz continued to dominate. Eauz were kicking the ball around, at times it seemed as if they were doing it just to waste time. The first ever female to play on the Eauz national team, Gabrielle D'Aubigne was seen showing off her skills, heading the ball around, as the years of imbreeding seemed to not pay off for TEU. She brought the ball up towards the goal, passing it towards Rousseau, who then passed it back to her. Gabrielle took a shot and it went into the net, putting Les Bleus up 2 – 0 going into the second half.

The second half proved to be very little of a challenge for Les Bleus as the Umpire nation only took 1 shot in the second half against Les Bleus, and had only 8% possession of the ball during the second half. Joseuf had the easiest match of his life, having only to stop 4 shots in total. At the other end though, Les Bleus were pouring on the pressure, keeping TEU’s defence on their toes. A corner kick provided Les Bleus with their final goal of the match, going in during the 83rd minute of play. As for Les Bleus, they knew this match was not the hardest, and that there would be harder matches to come, but they also knew that it was important to win these easy matches, for they could mean the difference between qualifying and not qualifying. The final score in the match was 3 – 0.

Les Bleus will now travel to Slaikau to face off against another unknown team. Eauz though is expected to take this match with ease. Though, the unknown team and location could prove the downfall of Les Bleus in this up coming match.



---Group 3----
[1] Spaam 1 1 0 0 5-0 3
[2] Eauz 1 1 0 0 3-0 3
<3> Oaker 1 1 0 0 3-0 3
<4> Melmond 1 1 0 0 3-0 3
5- The Evil Umpire 1 0 0 1 0-3 0
6- Qia 1 0 0 1 0-3 0
7- Insane Inflation 1 0 0 1 0-3 0
8- Slaikau 1 0 0 1 0-5 0


Schedule

Match Day 1: The Evil Umpire @ Eauz W 0 – 3
Match Day 2: Eauz @ Slaikau
Match Day 3: Qia @ Eauz
Match Day 4: Eauz @ Insane Inflation
Match Day 5: Spaam @ Eauz
Match Day 6: Eauz @ Oaker
Match Day 7: Melmond @ Eauz
Match Day 8: Eauz @ The Evil Umpire
Match Day 9: Slaikau @ Eauz
Match Day 10: Eauz @ Qia
Match Day 11: Insane Inflation @ Eauz
Match Day 12: Eauz @ Spaam
Match Day 13: Oaker @ Eauz
Match Day 14: Eauz @ Melmond

http://www.dirt-racing.com/3wide/sites/vilita/vn/tn/logo.gif

Turori [6]-[0] Ravea
GO- Turori: Liano 12, 13, 58 :: Vumaou 66 :: Houabou 74 :: Sakatorra 84
ALS Ravea: None


Almintora National Stadium, Almintora, Turori
----------------------------------------

----------------Turori opened their World Cup 17 Qualifying campaign with a National record victory over the re-instated footballing nation of Ravea. Ravea have been out of the footballing scene for over 50 years, but have put together a team for World Cup 17 for the first time since being re-recognized by the WCC. The Eels however were kitted for success, fielding an identical team to that which took home the Eagle's Cup championship just months before the start of qualifying, after consecutive victories over Defending World Champions Eauz, and World Cup 14 Champion Kingsford. The Ravea players arrived in Turori at the Almintora National Stadium, without even the names on the back of their shirts. However, they still put in the effort and kept playing throughout the 90 minutes despite the heavy beating being thrust upon them by the on-target Eels.

----------------Akamoari Liano pressed his claim to be considered the best Turori Striker of all time instead of Maritus Banda, by opening the scoring with 2 goals within the first 15 minutes. Liano burst in from the right to set the Turori Fans alight 12 minutes in, after being fed on the edge of the box by Malaino Mumamba. Liano was on target again just minutes later when he found himself all alone with only the keeper to beat, and made no mistake, wrong footing the Ravean stopper and walking the ball into the net. The rest of the half would be a victory for Ravea, holding the Eels without a shot for the final half hour, giving hope to the Ravean side for the second half.

----------------Turori coach Gisterfred Q. Disterfed made one change at half time, with freekick specialist Cuolia Tuirma making way for youthful Cedniavella Striker Mika Sakatorra. However, the did not add the intended attacking spark, and Ravea continued to hold the Eels for the opening 15 minutes of the second half. Sakatorra broke the midfield maze with his first effort on goal 65 minutes in, which could only be pushed away for a Turori corner. The corner was taken by Malaino Mumamba, whose low rocket of a corner was guided into the net by the chest of Jualiar Vumaou. Vumaou's goals seemed to crush the Ravean spirits, as Akamoari Liano was brought down carelessly in the box just minutes later, leaving Tingitanan referee Faré Garaliga no choice but to point to the spot. Liano stepped up himself to claim his first hat trick of the cup. Disterfred made two quick substitutions, reverting back to a 4-4-2, taking off Malaino Mumamba and goalscorer Jualiar Vumaou in favor of midfielders Rikko Ambama and Boaibou Houabou.

----------------Houabou would capitalize on Mika Sakatorra's misfortune, after Sakatorra had fought clear, his effort came back off the post, gifting Houabou a rare international goal in his first touch of the match. Sakatorra's efforts would not be in vein, however, finally grabbing his much deserved goal five minutes from time, completing the Turori Eels rout of the re-established Ravea team. The Eels now lead Group 10 over favorites Rejistania, Gesamtkuntswerk and One Red Dot.


Referee: Faré Garaliga [Tingitana]

Turori Eels (4-4-2) ::
[GK] Milauo Slietah, [D] Linoi Niabula, [D] Marlian Hunial, [D] Martika Ecspo, [D] Kiatin Likao [M] Tika Poloni, [M] Malaino Mumamba, [M] Yabaiy Tbaiao, [M] Cuolia Tuirma, [F] Jualiar Vumaou, [F] Akamoari Liano
BENCH::
[GK] Jarod Dreka, [D] Maratima Tareak, [DM] Ugo Doohan, [U] Rikko Ambama, [M] Boaibou Houabou [F] Kaboafo Iobabao, [F] Mika Sakatorra




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Ao1b(8 ............... OouYvaiVYaqkBWjwIIOB ............. 001092019726X9

Matchday 2 Scores Posted:

SCORES THREAD (http://forums2.jolt.co.uk/showthread.php?t=356281)

The Isles of Wohlstand team steps into the lockeroom silently, their heads down and in a saddened mood. Their red jerseys and shorts are all mudded up and their faces are dripping with sweat, tired, worn, and in anquish from their two defeats in a row.

Immediately, the coach tells the team to sit along the benches infront of the locker array. They take their places and look up at the coach. The coach, also slightly saddened by the performance, keeps his straight face and looks down upon the disheartened team, then speaks.

"You guys did good. So far you have prevented us from losing by alot and you all have yet to give up, or quit. Remember, we come from a powerful nation, the best nation out there. We are free, prosperous, and all equal. Remember that we must show ourselves to those others on the field and we must win. I ask you to try harder, Hessinger asks you to try harder, and our country asks you to try harder. We will show no defeat, no mercy, and no pain. We will not quit and we will not lose. Remember these key peices in the game, and the country will remember you. Now this next match day, give em hell!" the coach says, pride flowing from his words of encouragement.

The team uproars in cheering and gather in a huddle, doing their usual before-the-game cheer. The coach smiles slightly and pats them all on the back, giving them a few more words of encouragement. The team then disperses slowly and readies their gear for later as the coach goes and writes some reports about what needs to be practiced on more, for later yuse.

Kingsford continues rolling through Group 5
Falcons just a leaf in the wind

"I don't have anything to say, other than we need to go back to what brought us here: our defense," said Coach Ed after the 5-0 demolishing at the hands of #8 Kingsford.

Assistant and goalkeeper coach Spalius "Coach Rob" Nicturtus answered a few more questions.

"Obviously, it couldn't have been completely the fault of Stu [Marmoreus]," he said. "Shetfield was just ripping through our back 4. But we're probably going to change things up a little and put Proximus Excipelo in goal for tomorrow's game. Turnia doesn't score much, and we'd like Proxi's experience to help our team attack out of the back, so we can get some offense."

Kingsford's Carl Shetfield scored 2 goals in the game.

"We have the first 4 matches against the top 4 teams in the group," said Coach Rob. "We're going to need to fight through this and get a couple points now, but we are also very confident that we can beat the 3 other teams of this group."

REGIA ANGLORUM MANAGER CRYS FOUL!

Steve Gordon Orangeman was struggling to control his temper at the post match press conference. "My opinion is that the referee was not up to the job, how he made the numerous biased decisions he did is beyond me, the man is not fit to run a sunday league match. However we shall carry on regardless no matter how one sided things are we shall conduct ourselves with honour and the public will know who the real sportsmen are".

The Ministry of sport has since revielved that they have made an official complaint against the ref but are not hopeful of a result after the lack of action concerning the serious injury of star player james ehlander.

Despite the cruel scoreline Anglorum fans can take heart from the excellent perfomance of there new wonderkid Edwards Duncan. Reports have it that Anglorum shirts with his name on are the fastest selling items in the country. one fan was quoted as saying "now all we need is a ref who knows the rules, why do they keep using swiss officials!!".

The Pimento Press

Pimentos Win! Pimentos Win!

Those were the words echoed by legendary commentator Tom Jursica as the referee blew the final whistle. The underdog Big Pimentos getting the better of a strong Cockbill Street side, and in the process, scoring one of the biggest upsets in recent memory.

How exactly a team can come from relative obscurity, not even be a part of the FIFA rankings and beat a highly established team is uncertain. Did Cockbill Street underestimate their opponents? Were the Pimentos playing at the absolute pinnacle of their form? Did a Pimento slip a twenty in the ref's back pocket prior to the start of the match? These are all questions meritting solid answers, but at this time to the millions of Pimentos watching at home, only one thing matters; Big Pimento 2, Cockbill Street 1.

Experts will be debating in the coming days whether this triumph was an upset or a fluke and where this victory ranks in terms of all-time stunners, but one fact remains, the people of Big Pimento will be celebrating this win for weeks to come.

Big Pimento 2 (Valentine 29, 68)
Cockbill Street 1 (Peterson 22)

Pimento Press' Three Stars

3. Jalapeno Lewis (DF): The captain's making it happen again. The lynch-pin of Big Pimento's back five, Lewis shone in this match, finding ways to make crucial tackles when they were most needed. His technical skills don't tell the whole story here as his organizational skills on defense were key to victory, and his motivational tactics and leadership gave the entire team a boost.

2. Pedro Madhavapeddi (GK): Madhavapeddi was border line brilliant during the last match, keeping his team in it during the last fifteen minutes of the game. Cockbill Street were really pouring it on for an equalizer, but he was able to make big save after big save to help preserve the lead. He recieved more shots on target than his opposite number and was quite possibly the difference in the match.

1. Boris Valentine (AT): The author of both Pimento goals, Valentine stood up in a big way today, proving that the Pimentos have a legitimate scoring threat. Valentine showed all the requisite elements which make a good striker, ball control, finesse, flair, passing, heading ability and a wicked shot with which he was able to find the back of the net with twice. Things will only get tougher from here on in for Valentine, now that opposing teams will likely take notice more closely after this stellar performance.

"Well done Sirx!"

"But, we played-but-no-lose-no-draw!"

"No, no, Sirx. I always say you need to lose that mentality. In Liverpool England, when you play we always want no-lose-no-draw results."

"Really? Abysmalistan is different."

"This isnt Abysmalistan, this is Liverpool England." Paul sighs.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------

FALE Communication
To: Football Association, Regia Anglorum
Re: Injury Concern over James Ehlander

To whom it may concern,
The Football Association of Liverpool England (FALE) were upset to hear that a tackle made by Timothy Dennard resulted in the injury of your player James Ehlander during our World Cup Qualification match. We hope the injury is not serious. We shall also make a complaint to the WCC against the referee for letting the match play on. Mr Dennard wishes to apologise for any harm, and professional medics and physiotherapists are being offered if needed.

Paul Dussis
Chairman, FALE

--------------------------------------------------------------------------

FALE Communication
To: World Cup 17 Hosts, the World Cup Committee, Slanitopian FA
Re: Dex Zuanaobauaobc's performance, Regia Anglorum vs Liverpool England

To whom it may concern,
The Football Association of Liverpool England (FALE) wish to bring up a point to the World Cup hosts and the World Cup Committee about Mr. Dex Zuanaobauaobc's perfromance as referee of the Regia Anglorum-Liverpool England qualifying match. Mr. Zuanaobauaobc, or as hereforth known as Mr. Z, let a vicious tackle made by Liverpool England's Tim Dennard on Regia Anglorum's James Ehlander slip, even though Mr. Ehlander was clearly in pain. We ask the World Cup Committee to review the footage and accordingly punish both Mr. Z and Mr. Dennard.

Paul Dussis
FALE Chairman

Tigers win!

Tigers make up for their bad start with victory in Artoonia

Artoonia - Dark clouds were gathering over Artoonia, as the Tigers arrived, with the humiliating defeat against Kylaai fresh in their memory. The sword of Damocles was hanging over Triandafillovs head and he knew it. He had to win this game to erase the matchday one disaster.
He replaced several players in the team and experimented with his strategy. And with succes, the Tigers surprised their fans with fast combination football, and moves down the sides.

The Tigers' first move came in the 22th minute, when debutant-midfielder Fedorenko showed up on the right flank unopposed, he passed to Cherniakhovskij who drove a powerful shot in the right corner, but Baho's hand kept the ball out of the Artoonian goal. Triandafillov smiled, his experiments paid off.
The Tadjiks created a second chance in the 30th minute, Pliiev made recuperated the ball from Zamenhofo and outmanuevered Artoonian defender Gono. Baho came out of his goal to meet Pliiev but the latter refused to duel and passed to Cherniakhovskij on his right side who opened the score with a shot in an empty goal.

The Tigers werent happy with only 0-1 and they kept attacking their opponents. The result of those attacks came in the 52th minute in the second half of the game. Gromov placed a corner shot into Suvorovs feet, who kicked on to the left post and in the goal.
Triandafillov saw his team leading 0-2 and decided it was enough. He sent in Vlasov and Timoshenko for Chuikov and Suvorov. The Tadjiks saw Artoonia come back into the match and Yashin used his hand to keep a shot from Davo out. The Artoonians tried to score but the 3rd goal fell on the other side of the field.

Kokro tackled Bagramian from the side, Bagramian had to be carried of the field with a leg injury. Kokro got away cheap, Vilitan ref Linuao pulled a yellow card for what should have been a red card. But noone bothered to protest, Timoshenko's perfect penalty gave Tadjikistan a clean 0-3 victory and Triandafillov agreed this was already bad enough for Artoonia.

Tadjikistans victory brings the Tigers a bit closer to the top of the group and they must win their 3rd match against Pterodactyl if they want to keep up with the rest, a first round now may avoid or solve problems in the second round of the qualifications.

goals
Cherniakhovskij "30(0-1), Suvorov "52(0-2), Timoshenko "84(P 0-3)

Tadjikistan:
Yashin, Kuznestov, Vatutin, Zhilenkov, Gromov, Pliiev, Bagramian, Kirponos, Chuikov("64 Vlasov), Suvorov("75 Timoshenko), Cherniakhovskij

Artoonia:
Baho, Zamenhofo, Palo, Gono, Kokro, Davo, Argento, Bruno, O-Liro, Davo, Ico

MD1: Tadjikistan - Kylaai L 1-2
MD2: Artoonia - Tadjikistan W 0-3
MD3: Tadjikistan - Pterodactyl
MD4: Dennisov - Tadjikistan
MD5: Total n Utter Insanity - Tadjikistan
MD6: NASTIC 2 - Tadjikistan
MD7: Tadjikistan - Lemmitania
MD8: Kylaai - Tadjikistan
MD9: Tadjikistan - Artoonia
MD10:Pterodactyl - Tadjikistan
MD11:Tadjikistan - Dennisov
MD12:Tadjikistan - Total n Utter Insanity
MD13:Tadjikistan - NASTIC 2
MD14:Lemmitania - Tadjikistan

REGIANS WORK ON NEW SECRET TACTICS
The Regia Anglorum national team trained behind closed doors today as manager Steven Gordon Orangeson and his coaching staff work on a new tactical system after there disasterous start to there world cup campaign having conceded 5 goalswith no reply.

In a brief statement to the press Orangeman stated "we have had a lot of dissapointment for sure but i dont think we played that badly, in properly refereed matches we would have had 2 goals allowed and a number of penalties also i think the dirty tactics of some of our opponents would have been more harshly punished; it seems the games are being officiated in favour of kick and rush style lower league dirty play; this is not our game. Pass and move has and always be our footballing motto".

It is beleived that the coaching staff and players are practicing amore aggressive attacking style that will result in more goals. Assistant manager Tord Griper said off the record "they can turn down our penalty appeals and ignore fouls and disallow the odd goal but if we are putting three or four goals in the net they have to allow some of them or even the most dunderheaded of spectators will know its a fix; now we arnt saying the officials are corrupt just that the standard of refereeing has been way below standard, here do they dig these idiots up from!".

In related news the ministry of sport has put in an official request that no Swiss referees be allowed to officiate any of there remaining matches.

Starblaydia Brought Back down to Earth by Falling at the Stars
2-1 Loss puts the Protectorate in 4th position

From the point of view of a Starblaydi fan on the sidelines, Sarzonia should have taken hold of the match from the beginning, but they only managed to do so at the end.

With both sides starting off the match roughly equal, there were quite a few opening exchanges that had to be saved by the 'keepers at each end. The pace of the match soon changed as Starblaydia scored what can only be described as a soft, stupid goal from the Sarzonian point of view. As Spike Martin hoofed the ball upfield, a gust of the fickle Sarzonian wind shifted the ball's flight path. As 'keeper Perkins and defender Hemby left the ball for each other, Starblaydi Simon Hill nipped in and stole if from right under their noses. Two steps and a shot later and the Starblaydis were celebrating a one-nil lead.

Chants of 'Who are ya?' and 'Dodgy 'Keeper!' echoed aournd the Sarzonian Stadium as their back-three appeared to run around like headless chickens. In fact, I apologise, as that's actually an insult to the chickens. As Starblaydia rained in the shots against an ever more nervous defence, it was sheer luck that allowed Sarzonia to go into half-time just one-nil down.

The malaise continued into the second-half until a pair of Sarzonian Substitutions with around fifteen minutes to go. George Mitcham came on and scored with his first touch, getting on the end of a free-kick in the six-yard box, smashing the ball home with glee. This goal snapped the 'Stars' out of their depression and put Starblaydia on the back foot.

Then with six minutes of regular time to go Barry Alphonso, playing instead of the suspended Anton Gregor, scored the winner as he breezed past Ki-Jana Carter to unleash a shot from fifteen yards. He then went over to the corner flag and kicked it out of its place, earning himself a yellow card. Despite some major tactical changes, Starblaydia couldn't find the equaliser and ended up staring down the wrong end of a 2-1 win.

Final Score:
Sarzonia 2 - 1 Starblaydia
(Mitcham 77, Alphonso 84) - (Hill 27)

MD01: Starblaydia 6-0 Pure Evil
MD02: Sarzonia 2-1 Starblaydia
NEXT: Starblaydia Vs Oceaice @ Hallad City Stadium, Gar-Hallad (51,000 Capacity, Hallad Reavers)


Player Goals Total Goals
S. Di Bradini 2 15
E. Hall 1 10
R. Di Bradini 1 3
C. Salisbury 1 3
J.J. Stark 1 3
S. Hill 1 2


---Group 9----
[1] Giant Zucchini 2 2 0 0 6-2 6
[2] Iansisle 2 2 0 0 7-4 6
<3> Commerce Heights 2 2 0 0 3-0 6
<4> Starblaydia 2 1 0 1 7-2 3
5- Sarzonia 2 1 0 1 2-3 3
6- Oceaice 2 0 0 2 2-4 0
7- Liechtenistan 2 0 0 2 3-7 0
8- Pure Evil 2 0 0 2 1-9 0



Elsewhere in the Qualifiers, Starblaydi-League Alternative Striker Andrew Winters got onto the 'Goal Trail' as he scored against Mikele in The Belmore Family's 2-1 win on MD2, while the Wapakhonetan contingent of Ationokonee and Wesekahnee managed to gain their first World Cup points with a 2-2 draw at home to the fallacious nation of Snub Nose 38. The Insane Inflation Trillionaires, from a country so poor they can barely afford shoes, managed to get their first point from Oaker, country so poor they can't even afford individual surnames. 'LBJ' proved his ciritcs wrong as his defensive unit managed to keep a clean sheet, making their 'keeper Hans Eichel save only three shots all match.

Jeruselem Government News

Group 8 favourites march on as rookies get trampled

Match day 2 and none of the favourites have lost. If fact, with no draws and the favourites winning all their games 2 4 teams have no points with 4 unbeaten teams.

Jeruselem had to fight hard to keep funk-masters Dance 2 Revolution at bay with a 2-1 win. D2R scored first adter some slack marking from the Crusader defense allowed a goal in the 5th minute. A buoyant D2R was unable to capitalise on the advantage and a D2R defender accidentally put home an own goal from a Jeruselem corner in the 56th. James Stuart won the game for Jeruselem after pinching the ball for a dozing D2r defender and poked it into the net.

Other Group 8 teams had easier games with a solid Bedistan, comfortable Lovisan and rampant Kryenian win.


Spurland [0] Bedistan [2]
Carthage and Troy [1] Lovisa [3]
Vorpal Bunnies [1] Krytenia [4]
Dance 2 Revolution [1] Jeruselem [2]

---Group 8----
[1] Krytenia 2 2 0 0 7-1 6
[2] Jeruselem 2 2 0 0 5-1 6
<3> Bedistan 2 2 0 0 4-0 6
<4> Lovisa 2 2 0 0 5-2 6
5- Spurland 2 0 0 2 1-4 0
6- Dance 2 Revolution 2 0 0 2 1-4 0
7- Carthage and Troy 2 0 0 2 1-6 0
8- Vorpal Bunnies 2 0 0 2 1-7 0

Orange-Blues win in Eystrck

The Orange-Blues won their first away game against Eystrck with the not anymore close result of 4:1. Despite the high victory, the defense was no reason to cheer since not only the first goal was conceded, but also other chances were cleared by luck or Taserikijilti Vavenetexy. the match against Eystrck had much similarity with a home game since the climate was tropical and the city where the match took place was even pronouncable for rejistanians (the fact that "Eystrck" cannot be pronounced without breaking the tongue led to the rejistanians refering to the city "Anitram kali" instead to "E-ys-tir-ke tani" when talking about the venue for the match).

Laxtu Takil gave his substitutes a chance to get international experience. Players like Taserikijilti Vavenetexy, Y Syku, Siki Venji and Miki I Jil played their first match for the senior team, some even the first international match in their career. Defenders Sasijilvenku Dikelesinivetisaru, Dini Y and Xenra Ji where not starting due to the relegation struggle and the tense schedule between the BPL and international matches. The Orange-Blues played a 4-5-1 against an attacking Eystrck side playing 4-3-3. The match was scaringly even in the first ten minutes of the match, then the Orange-Blues slowly started to gain dominance and in the 16th minute, Miki I Jil brought the Orange-Blues ahead when Eystrcki defender Teriaki Chu wanted to pass the ball to Dion Spradley, but I Jil'he intercepted the pass. The lead led to even fiercer attacks of The Force. Ramos'he equalised the score in the 26th minute, when his fast shot could not be parried by Taserikijilti Vavenetexy. The match happened mostly in the midfield, but some attacks and counter attacks led to dangerous situations for the defenses on both sides. Miki I Jil used a counter attack in the 37th minute to bring the Orange-Blues ahead again. 2:1 was the halftime score. The second half had much action but the defenses or sometimes the goalies cleared. In the 88th minute, Laxtu Takil substituted Jenji Y in. This was the right decision, since his extreme-godmodding caused 2 more goals for the Orange-Blues.

The result:
Eystrck 1 (Ramos 26th)
Rejistania 4 (I Jil 16th 37th, Y 89th, 90th)

Second loss dents initial optimism

Liechtenistan 2-4 Iansisle
@ Rheinpark Stadion, Vaduz. Att - 54,352

Goals -

0-1 (Player Unknown) (23')
1-1 R. Büchel (25')
2-1 R. Büchel (42') (pen)
2-2 (Player Unknown) (56')
2-3 (Player Unknown) (71')
2-4 (Player Unknown) (84')

Referee - Devon Parker (Bedistan)

Liechtenistan fell to a second loss in two games when they were beaten 4-2 at home by Iansisle.

The loss puts a damper onto original optimism for a fourth place in the group in Liechtenistan's first World Cup. The match started brightly, with both teams having a few half-chances but it wasn't until the 3rd minute when an Iansisle managed to rise above Michael Stocklasa from a cross and glanced the ball in from the front post. However, this gave Liechtenistan a much needed boost and when Ronny Büchel let fly from just outside the area, the sound of the crowd was more than enough to alert people to the result. Liechtenistan then went into a 2-1 lead as the referee, Devon Parker form Bedistan, spotted an Iansisle player controlling the ball with his hand and gave a penalty. Ronny Büchel made the home fans celebrate even more by sending the keeper the wrong way.

After half-time however, the Iansisle coach gave a spirited team talk and they proceeded to dominate the second half. The equaliser came 11 minutes into the second half as the defence showed their vulnerability to the through ball whiched split the defence and allowed a forward to go one-on-one with the keeper and slot it past him. Liechtenistan players then decided to pull back and try to defend the point the had and the game became a bit boring at times. However, Iansisle got the breakthrough with 19 minutes remaining after the referee gave a free-kick just on the edge of the area following a trip from Christoph Ritter. Peter Jehle had no chance from the superb strike. Liechtenistan had nothing to reply to that and Iansisle finished the game off when their central defender headed a corner past Peter Jehle.

The manager today replied to criticism that his hopes were too high.

"There is no doubt that the team is in a dissappointing position compared to my original hopes. However, the draw has meant that we have had an incredibly tough first set of games. We will recover from this in when we play the weaker teams in the Group and I am confident of the team coming out the qualifiers with at least some pride left intact. You have to aim high or there is not much point in playing at this level."

1- Giant Zucchini 2 2 0 0 6-2 6
2- Iansisle 2 2 0 0 7-4 6
----------------------------------------------------
3- Commerce Heights 2 2 0 0 3-0 6
4- Starblaydia 2 1 0 1 7-2 3
----------------------------------------------------
5- Sarzonia 2 1 0 1 2-3 3
6- Oceaice 2 0 0 2 2-4 0
7- Liechtenistan 2 0 0 2 3-7 0
8- Pure Evil 2 0 0 2 1-9 0

20:00 ECT El Cid Brobcasting Corpartion

camer closes onto Roy Croft, Susan Hunter and Trever Nosewervy.

TN: hello and welcome to world cup grandstand. today we have the first match after the shock victory over TEN. today it the same squad, same line up, same score would be nice.

Hightlight of TEN V EL CID match including Barry Trotters Goal and Mark Hunter hand Ball

TN: now Roy your Chris Skiners Predecesser, what do you make of the teams chances.

RC: well the team is full of confedence after the win over TEN, but i can't see how thay can improve on that match. i think a 1all draw will be the outcome.

TN: well that's Roy's opinion now lets see what football novelist and sister of El Cid defenders the Hunter brothers, Susan Hunter, makes of the teams chances.

SH: If the team's defence stays in shape thay wont concede a goal but the battle for the midfeald is how the game will be won.

TN: Your brother is at the hart of the handball sandel what has your brother said about this.

SH: he says that he used his head and the hand ball rumor was started by TEN who are bad lossers and were upset that the 4th ranked team was betn by us.

TN: Right, the games about to start, lets go to our comenty team, Andy Brown and Brian Rogers.

BR: Thanks Trever, Terry Nevile and Barry Trotter have the ball in the center and are going to kick off.

Commentary to come

Le LIBRE

Eauz continue to enjoy easy schedule

As Les Bleus continue their first 4 matches against, high ranked easy teams, there next match was in Slaikau who were shut out by Spaam 5 – 0. It should be noted that the match was in Spaam, and thus Slaikau being an inexperienced team, would have trouble under the intense Spaamian crowds. Slaikau were back at home, hosting Les Bleus, who were also coming off of an easy match.

The match started under a large crowd of Slaikau fans, though not full to capacity. Slaikau fans seem to be less interested in football, but still have fans showing up for the matches. Kind of like Canadian football fans are to their national football team. Les Bleus brought the ball up the field, but seemed to be used to the first match against TEU, as mid-fielder Henri Manners, left the ball in front of him, forgetting that not all easy teams are like TEU. The Slaikau defender stole the ball, and brought it up, leaving Les Bleus with only 2 defenders left back. The Slaikau team took a quick shot before the rest of the Eauz team came back, which hit the top left corner bar, going out of play. It was a wake up call to the new Eauz team who were not playing as a team. Rousoi wasted a bit of time, hoping his team would reorganize and not let something simple as that last attack occurred. The goal kick was taken, as Les Bleus took control of the ball. Passing it around, Rousseau started the attack resulting in nothing. The two teams played at equal strength for most of the first half. During injury time of the first half, Eauz got a corner, which was headed towards the net; the ball hit the post, and came back out. Laurent Henri took a shot, sending it into the net, giving Les Bleus a 1 – 0 lead just before the whistle was blown.

Just like Canadian fans at football matches, many of the Slaikau fans assumed their team would not come back and left the stadium, leaving only a few hundred scattered around the stadium. Les Bleus would use this quiet crowd to their advantage. In the stadium though, there was 1 fan from Eauz and one from Commerce Heights who were having a political fight. It got so heated, that police had to arrest the two fans. The match continued, as Les Bleus continued their attack during the first half. With very few fans, Les Bleus could concentrate on their own way of playing. Five minutes into the match, Les Bleus were on the attack again. Gabrielle D'Aubigne brought the ball up the side, and kicked it towards the centre, where Thierry Alia was situated. A swift kick of the ball, before being tackled by a Slaikau defender went past a diving keeper and into the net, giving Les Bleus a 2 – 0 lead. That was more than enough for the strong Eauz team, as they finished off the match without much problem winning by the 2 – 0 score.

So far, Les Bleus have not been challenged but at the same time, haven’t really played up to expectations. They should be winning by large margins against these weak teams, but seem to give up after a few goals. The new Eauz coach will have to gather his team together before they meet up against teams like Spaam and Oaker.


---Group 3----
[1] Spaam 2 2 0 0 10-0 6
[2] Melmond 2 2 0 0 6-1 6
<3> Eauz 2 2 0 0 5-0 6
<4> Oaker 2 1 1 0 3-0 4
5- Insane Inflation 2 0 1 1 0-3 1
6- The Evil Umpire 2 0 0 2 1-6 0
7- Slaikau 2 0 0 2 0-7 0
8- Qia 2 0 0 2 0-8 0


Schedule

Match Day 1: The Evil Umpire @ Eauz W 0 – 3
Match Day 2: Eauz @ Slaikau W 2 – 0
Match Day 3: Qia @ Eauz
Match Day 4: Eauz @ Insane Inflation
Match Day 5: Spaam @ Eauz
Match Day 6: Eauz @ Oaker
Match Day 7: Melmond @ Eauz
Match Day 8: Eauz @ The Evil Umpire
Match Day 9: Slaikau @ Eauz
Match Day 10: Eauz @ Qia
Match Day 11: Insane Inflation @ Eauz
Match Day 12: Eauz @ Spaam
Match Day 13: Oaker @ Eauz
Match Day 14: Eauz @ Melmond

The Daily Druid

EN-GULFED
Björn-Trevor Frederiksson on The Gulf States 1 NEWI Cefn Druids 2

We said that The Gulf States would be no pushovers, and the scoreline suggests that that was the case. But for large parts of this match, the Druids thrashed The Gulf States. The first half was all Druids, with attack after attack leaving the opposing defenders bewildered, but the travelling support frustrated. Why couldn't they score? Well, in the end, they did, Leicester winning the ball in midfield, playing in Gessemschmitthaagen-Po, who laid off the unmarked Trevor Law for a simple finish.

However, the Druidish defence hadn't been tested properly so far. This was soon to change, and the Orange Dome would erupt. A long clearance by goalkeeper Felix Johnson bounced over the entire Druids defence for Mike Phillips to blast past a hapless Lee Bell to bring the home side in level at half time. For the home support, it was a glorious, if surprising, moment.

The second half started off like the first half, with the Druids battering their lower-ranked hosts. A second goal for Law came just a few minutes in, with a volleyed cross from Bill Posters being headed home somehow, as the cross looked to be going behind him.

After this, the Druids continued to dominate, until Trevor Kallins decided that he should bring on two central defenders, the McDonald brothers, for Law and Posters. Not a good move. The over-defensive tactics meant that the home team absolutely battered the Druids for the last twenty minutes. They had two penalty appeals turned down, hit the post three times and had two efforts cleared of the line. But somehow, they didn't get through the packed, though often hopeless, Druids defence. The Gulf States were, yet again, unlucky. Hopefully for them, they can get over their terrible run of bad luck in qualifiers and put a good run in, as they deserve it on this performance.

Final Score:
The Gulf States 1 [Phillips 42]
NEWI Cefn Druids 2 [Law 23, 48]

...AND NOW, THE RESULTS/SCORERS/FIXTURES

Results so far...

Matchday 1: NEWI Cefn Druids 3-1 Kerla
Matchday 2: The Gulf States 1-2 NEWI Cefn Druids

Top scorers

[3] Trevor Law
[1] Liam Gessemschmitthaagen-Po
[1] Bill Posters

...and still to come:

Matchday 3: NEWI Cefn Druids v Adrusuvare
Matchday 4: Kirata v NEWI Cefn Druids
Matchday 5: NEWI Cefn Druids v The Lowland Clans
Matchday 6: Wella v NEWi Cefn Druids
Matchday 7: NEWI Cefn Druids v Lykaia
Matchday 8: Kerla v NEWI Cefn Druids
Matchday 9: NEWI Cefn Druids v The Gulf States
Matchday 10: Adrusuvare v NEWI Cefn Druids
Matchday 11: NEWI Cefn Druids v Kirata
Matchday 12: The Lowland Clans v NEWI Cefn Druids
Matchday 13: NEWi Cefn Druids v Wella
Matchday 14: Lykaia v NEWI Cefn Druids

All home matches to be played at The Hole, Mawr (capacity 89,500)

The Bedistan Sports Digest

Broken Record?
Another uninspring 2-0 win

SPURLAND -- After the expected 2-0 victory over Dance 2 Revolution in the qualifying opener, it was hoped that the team would gain a bit more spirit as they headed out to Spurland. Without a doubt, the Lions play very solid football (that's why they're ranked #3 in the world, after all), but their style, a very conventional 4-4-2, has grown very stagnant over the last several years. Manager Brandon Barton still refuses to change anything, claiming that because this setup took Bedistan to the final in World Cup XVI, it will do the same here. And another 2-0 win in Spurland would seem to back him up on this.

"But there's more to it than that," says BCOL-TV (Channel 5, Columbia) sports analyst Vince Rogers. "Two-nil sounds good, but then you realize it was against Spurland, not even a top-sixty team! These performances are not going to be sufficient in the World Cup finals, or even against Lovisa and Krytenia in qualifying, for that matter. It's time to shake things up."

Most fans expect no fewer than four goals against Carthage and Troy at Holmes Stadium on matchday three. But unless Barton finally gets it through his head that stuff needs to change, I'm going to have to predict yet another 2-0 win for Bedistan.

Final score:
Spurland 0 (m/pen 26)
Bedistan 2 (Xi 32, 63)

In other news, the venues for the home matches against Lovisa and Jeruselem have been changed. With an extremely powerful hurricane now taking dead aim at the Bedistani capital of Columbia, the Bedistan Football Association has decided to take no chances. The Lovisa game on Matchday 5 will take place at the brand-new Akoki Stadium in Port Lusambo, a long way away from the hurricane's potential path. Matchday 7 is slightly more iffy: the current plan is to play at Stephen Rogers Memorial Stadium in Yuba, but depending on the weather associated with the hurricane, it may also be moved to Akoki. Venues for home matches after that will depend on the damage incurred in Columbia and elsewhere. Expect communication failures for pretty much the whole of Bedistan at any time between Matchdays 6 and 10, inclusive, depending on what the hurricane does.

The Schedule

MD01: Bedistan v Dance 2 Revolution W 2-0 (Holmes Stadium, Columbia, att 73481)
MD02: Spurland v Bedistan W 0-2
MD03: Bedistan v Carthage and Troy (Holmes Stadium, Columbia)
MD04: Vorpal Bunnies v Bedistan
MD05: Bedistan v Lovisa (Akoki Stadium, Port Lusambo)
MD06: Krytenia v Bedistan
MD07: Bedistan v Jeruselem (Stephen Rogers Mem. Stad., Yuba)
MD08: Dance 2 Revolution v Bedistan
MD09: Bedistan v Spurland (venue TBA)
MD10: Carthage and Troy v Bedistan
MD11: Bedistan v Vorpal Bunnies (venue TBA)
MD12: Lovisa v Bedistan
MD13: Bedistan v Krytenia (venue TBA)
MD14: Jeruselem v Bedistan

THE CELESTIA TIMES
~------------------Sports News------------------~


A draw that brings hope:
Esth,Pana Dis: The qualifier match between Esth and Svecia took place in a full Olympic Stadium in Pana Dis.
A group of Esthian idols sang "Simply the best" (video footage can be found HERE (http://komnene.altervista.org/40944546.wmv) )to give some luck to the Home team before the national hymns.
Esth's rival was one of the toughest,after the defeat against Snub Nose for 3-0 everyone expected that Esth's match against Svecia was going to be a "massacre".
After the first 10 minutes where Svecia attacked fiercely,Esth managed to counter attack and score.
Castello,who scored the goal for Esth,describes his goal "During a corner kick all of Svecia's team was attacking,Kasperskas managed to put the ball on the centerfield and after getting the ball I ran like mad until I was 1 Vs 1 with the keeper. I kicked the ball over the keeper's head and I scored".
After that Esth kept on defending until the final whistle but it wasn't enough to defend the score since at the 79' minute Solskjaer scores a tremendous goal at 30 m.
In the end 1-1,a result that gives hope to the Esthian team "We got bashed pretty bad last time" says the Esthian coach "but now we managed to draw against one of the toughest team of the group,I hope this brings up the morale to our boys"
Esth is now 7th in the group,with El Cid leading with a full score of 6 points
---Group 2----
[1] El Cid the Hero 2 2 0 0 3-0 6
[2] Svecia 2 1 1 0 7-2 4
<3> Snub Nose 38 2 1 1 0 5-2 4
<4> Halfassedstates 2 1 0 1 3-2 3
5- The Eagles Nest 2 0 1 1 2-3 1
6- Wapahkoneta 2 0 1 1 2-5 1
7- Esth 2 0 1 1 1-4 1
8- Northbank 2 0 1 1 3-8 1

Other results of group 2
Northbank [2] The Eagles Nest [2]
Esth [1] Svecia [1]
Wapahkoneta [2] Snub Nose 38 [2]
El Cid the Hero [2] Halfassedstates [0]




Esth 1 - 1 Svecia

Goals:
(32' Castello) Esth
(79' Solskjaer) Svecia

Cards: none

Esth's Formation: 4-3-3 formation

(1)Wolhfgang

(2)Van De Hoege-----(3)Kasperskas-----(4)Matumba-----(5)Torres

(6)Smikovski-----(8)Bourikas-----(32)Lancione

(11)Castello-----(15)Discroll-----(89)Saruwatari

Svecia's Formation: 4-2-4 formation

(1)Van Meer


(2)Larsson-----(3)Glock-----(4)Frisk-----(5)Kristiansand

(6)Svensson-----(7)Forsch

(8)Kliever-----(9)Solskjaer-----(10)Belagt-----(11)Simão

The Weegie Star - Sport Report

The Weegies - 3 (Lindau 12, Thompson 49, Boyd 72)
Big Pimento - 0

Dear Green Place, Mackintosh
ATT: 55,956

HOT: Boyd's blistering play in the last 25 minutes - perhaps he'll feature more often in the line up.
NOT: The Pimento side's left wing - gave some chances to the Weegie side that really, they shouldn't have had.

It wasn't a demolition, it wasn't a walkover, it wasn't a slaughter - but the victory last night was a clinical dissection of an inexperienced side, and a good start to a World Cup campaign.

Morale was high in the Dear Green Place last night, and the young side started off with an enthusiasm which was a joy to watch. Whilst the side did begin rather shakily, with the Pimento side grabbing most of the possiession in the early minutes of the game, the Weegie side began to exert their dominance on the more inexperienced side, and pushed the Pimentos back into a defensive mindset. Jack Lindau started off the threat to the Pimento goal after about 10 minutes of both sides poking, prodding, and testing one another, checking each other out for weaknesses to be exploited. With McDonald running down the left wing, he worked his way past the Pimento defender Rachunek to scythe a cross over to the onrushing Lindau. The head connected with the ball, only for Madhavapeddi to force it over the net. The Pimento side didn't fall back too far, though, with a short counter-attack making it's way through Pimento midfielder Selecao with a long range shot that nearly caught Eriksson off guard.

But the Pimento side had serious deficiencies in the left defence, which, once realised, were exploited to the full by the Weegie side. With Rachunek and Phillips looking sluggish, the pacy McDonald ripped through the left side to the dismay of the travelling Pimento contingent. Another cross met the foot of Lindau, and he sliced it past the goalkeeper to take the Weegie side ahead. Larsson also tried his best to provide another avenue to the Weegie attack, but a solid performance from the Pimento captain Lewis prevented that from happening. Credit must also go to the Pimento goalkeeper, who stopped the deluge of Weegie attacks coming from the left wing.

The second half remained much the same as the first - Weegie side exploiting that weak left flank - but Thompson provided a second goal early on when he shot ahead, dodged past central defender Kallio, and rocketed a shot into the net. But the big surprise was substitute Boyd, whose driving performance really got the Weegies into a good drive for more goals. He was a powerhouse in the midfield, both creating and making chances, and he got one when McDonald, again, sliced the ball up for the tall Boyd to hammer home with his head. All in all, a good, solid performance from the side, but next, the Qualifying begins to toughen, with a trip to Magnus Valerius, who have stymied the Islanders on a couple of occasions with good attacking play. Here's hoping we can overturn the Boyars, and continue a good run.

Team - Eriksson, McCarg, Fulton, Fulton, Cargill, McDonald, McCann (Boyd 65), Thompson, Larsson, Lindau, Rourke (Hermiston 76).

Booked - Fulton, Thompson.

D2R continue to float in 6th position. Experts rule out qualifying after 2 matches

D2R had to continue their struggle to gain respect back off the World Cup after failing to even get to the qualifying stages of WC16 at home to Jeruselem. Naoki Maeda started his first game of the campaign electrifyingly, running into space on the wing allowing Ruun Van Mushruum to cheekily flick it into the goal on 5 minutes. D2R dominated possesion for most of the 2nd half and seemed comfortable to not take any risks and at half time D2R had 87% possession.

Maeda came off at half time so that he could be saved for the rest of the tournament and Seriak Pioililiaysrtya was brought on. It was clear that D2R were contempt to leave their lead as it was.

It was now the turn of Jeruselem to go onto the offensive and try to get points from this game. Winning 6 corners in 7 minutes. In the 56th minute Jeruselem won another corner, which was whipped in and headed by Pioililiaysrtya over his own keeper, the ball then hit Derinda, who tried to clear it out off the line, the ball hit the post and went in, agonising the D2Rian team onto the floor.

Over the next 30 minutes D2R launched a few attacks on goal, none of which did any damage to the 1-1 scorline which was know shown on the scoreboard. In the final minutes of the 2nd half, D2R were playing keep ball at the back and inviting the Jeruselem players onto them so that they could launch a surprise attack. But it was Jeruselem who surprised D2R when Banvstrecko was dispossesed and the ball was poked into the bottom corner of the D2R goal. The fans were heard booing and the players were furious. The final whistle blew and it was lucky that carnage did not ensue. The D2Rian squad and staff stormed out of the Dead End Arena knowing that 3 points had just been threw away.

Final Score
Dance 2 Revolution 1 (Van Mushruum 5')
Jeruselem 2 (Derinda (og) 56', Stuart 89')
Attendance: 56,742

Magnus Fraggednerson
'slaves start up in cruise control

Audioslavia
------------------------------------------
| 1 |
| Fenwick |
| 20 5 |
| 4 Johnstone Rep 3 |
| Romanov 6 O`Rourke |
| O`Brien |
| 14 11 |
| Marriot 8 Jaynes |
| Tanner |
| 12 9 |
| Ryder Bracken |
| |
------------------------------------------
| |
| 75 24 |
| Hohenstauffen Hapsburg |
| |
| 77 |
| 02 16 Pappas 33 09 |
|Tintagel Gespacho Rosenburg Pickering|
| |
| 13 51 11 |
| van der Boer L`Evienne Lierkan |
| |
| 1 |
| Nantes |
------------------------------------------
Magnus Valerius


Audioslavia kicked off their World Cup 17 qualifying campaign with a comprehensive and comfortable win over Magnus Valerius. The three-nil win adds to their impressive record against MV; three games, three wins, nine goals for, none against.

Audioslavia kicked off cautiously, keeping hold of posession and giving the newer players a feel for the ball. It would be one of the young guns, a flamboyant seventeen year-old Alexander Marriot, who would open the scoring on nineteen minutes. The teenager latched onto a through ball down the left wing, cut inside a flailing Lierkan and rattled a shot against the goalkeepers legs. Bracken and Ryder both went for the loose ball together, only to see their scrambled efforts beaten away by the goalkeeper and the Valerian centre back Bastilus L`Evienne. Van der Boer went to clear but scuffed the ball into the air, and Marriott met it with a thunderous right-foot strike into the empty net for ten yards.

Magnus Valerius would take their measure of posession in the coming minutes, but a counter-attack and a Bracken finish on the half-hour put the game more or less out of their reach.

Half time saw Magnus Valerius step up a gear. The five-man midfield getting the measure of Audioslavia's three central players and allowing Pickering and Tintagel to find openings down the wings. Hapsburg saw a header brush the post whilst Pappas forced a spectacular double-save from Fenwick. Cole O`Brien - playing in a new libero role in front of the defence - seemed nervous and at odds with himself over who to mark and when to track back, and a lapse in his concentration almost saw Hapsburg pull one back as a casual O`Brien backpass was intercepted by the MV striker, who rounded the flailing keeper but steered his shot wide of the mark with the defence scrambling back to cover.

Despite the pressure Audioslavia held firm, substituting the ineffective O`Brien for seasoned veteran and Arkanoid full-back Ben Pearce. 24-year old striker William Ryder was also subbed for young midfielder William Kennedy.

It was Kennedy who would put the game beyond doubt. Picking up the ball on the half-way line his beautiful chip sent Bracken through down the left. A one-two with Jaynes, a square ball to Khully Tanner, a simple finish and Audioslavia were three goals to the good with three minutes left to play against a tiring and now downhearted Magnus Valerius team.

FINAL SCORE

Audioslavia 3-0 Magnus Valerius
Marriot 19
Bracken 30
Tanner 87

'slaves dismay as Ebon Hawk take points
'slaves run out of ideas in matchday two

1
Fenwick
20 5
2 Johnstone Rep 3
Pearce 6 O`Rourke
O`Brien
14 11
Marriot 8 Jaynes
Tanner
10 9
Laver Bracken

A tough, gritty game in Ebon Hawk saw Audioslavia go down a goal to nil.

Audioslavia had the better of the posession and some spectators could argue they deserved at least a share of the points, but in truth the strike-force of Laver and Tanner, usually so potent, were left wanting as they failed to put away the few balls they recieved from the midfield.

Ebon Hawk didn't have an overtly obvious air of danger about them as they plodded their way through the opening half hour, an array of missed passes and reckless challenges leaving them stranded in their own half for much of the first half, however Audioslavia didn't look anywhere close to scoring, their closest chance being a Danny Bracken header from seven yards which looped harmlessly over the bar.

Ebon Hawk battled back into the game and by half time they'd already tested Fenwick with two long range efforts.

Audioslavia started the second half well but as time went on the openings which had appeared sporadically at the start of the game stopped appearing at all. The 'slaves seemed to over-react to the problem, sending both offence-minded defenders - O`Brien and O`Rourke - up to join the onslaught. O`Rourke almost sent a good ball to the strikers, but it was intercepted by a desperate defensive header and Ebon Hawk counter-attacked. The left-winger danced circles round a flailing Jens Rep before sending a square ball through to Ebon Hawk's number ten, who sliced his shot well wide. It was a warning shot off Audioslavia's bow, but it was a warning the 'slaves didnt seem to heed.

Again O`Brien and O`Rourke joined the fray as Audioslavia sought to get all three points, and again Ebon Hawk countered, eventually forcing a corner after getting the ball up the field to the striker who forced an excellent save out of Fenwick. The corner came over from the left, Pearce failed to get it clear, their striker missed it before the winger collected it on the far side and zipped past Johnstone who, in trying to sweep the ball away, only succeeded in taking the winger's legs. Seventy-seven minutes played and Ebon Hawk had a penalty kick. =Ebon Hawk's penalty (http://www.rio2001negocios.com.br/esportelazer/img/esportes/futebol4.jpg) went high to the goalkeeper's left for one-nil.

Audioslavia battled back but the Hawk's tails were up, keeping themselves in posession of the ball and nipping away at the 'slaves defence. The number eleven hit a shot past Fenwick which rebounded off the post, and a cross from the left almost found the EH number nine who aimed his header too high.

Audioslavia finished the match in disarray, and left the stadium with nothing.


FINAL SCORE
Ebon Hawk 1-0 Audioslavia
Number Ten 77

---Group 4----
[1] Squornshelous 2 2 0 0 9-2 6
[2] Audioslavia 2 1 0 1 3-1 3
<3> The Weegies 2 1 0 1 3-1 3
<4> Cockbill Street 2 1 0 1 3-3 3
5- Big Pimento 2 1 0 1 2-4 3
6- Magnus Valerius 2 1 0 1 1-3 3
7- Ebon Hawk 2 1 0 1 2-6 3
8- Isles Of Wohlstand 2 0 0 2 2-5 0


After just one win in two games, somehow the 'slaves are still in second position, with six out of the eight teams in group four being in the same position: won one, lost one. Squornshelous top the group due to having refused to get beaten in the opening games, whilst the Isles of Wohlstand go bottom for doing the exact opposite.

Audioslavia play Wohlstand and impressive new-guys Big Pimento in the next two games before finishing the first half of results against the big seeds in the group. The game against Wohlstand will be Audioslavia's two-hundredth game in international football, and 'slave faithful will be hoping for the team to supply a big three-point cake

I've been Jeremy Jaffacake, g'nite bitches.

Stars recover, beat Starblaydia, 2-1

A match that took on a tense turn when the Starblaydian national team took umbrage to being called "Blades" in the Sarzonian press only got more tense as Starblaydia's Simon Hill scored in the 27th minute. But second half substitute George Mitcham settled a rattled Sarzonian national team and forward Barry Alphonso scored the winner with just six minutes left to give the Stars a 2-1 win.

The Stars (1-0-1, fifth place Group 9) ended a three match losing streak in World Cup qualifying and began to demonstrate their depth against one of the tougher teams in Atlantian Oceania.

"What can I say about George and Barry? I don't know if we'd have won if not for those two," Coach Bryan Marshall said. "George went in to help our offense out, and it worked out really well for us. Barry doesn't get too many chances, but he made the most of this one."

Starblaydia scored first when goalkeeper Troy Perkins and defender Corey Hemby suffered a "terrible" breakdown in communication after a gust of wind changed the flight of a Blade longball into the area.

"I don't know what I was thinking," Hemby said. "I should have just gone for the ball, but Perkins is aggressive off his line. I didn't want to collide with Troy and cause a goal that way."

"I think we'll get better once we play together more," Perkins said. "We're still trying to learn each other and this is not exactly the best time to do that."

Mitcham scored the equalizer in the 77th minute just two minutes after being sent onto the pitch. The goal did more than just level the score for the Stars. The Stars snapped out of a 50 minute funk and applied constant pressure until Alphonso's goal in the 84th minute gave the team the win.

Ankh-Morpork C-mail

TEAM TO BE HANGED, DRAWN AND QUARTERED
Dismal performance in Big Pimento

What on earth went on here? The Streetian team were just supposed to travel to Big Pimento, get the three points, and move on to other matches where points weren't supposed to be up for sale. And things were looking bright and easy for the Street as they scored an early goal in the 22nd minute through ageing Chesham Rangers striker Alec Peterson's header.

Then, Lars Fearinciter decided to have a little fun. His pass to Boris Valentine was on the brink of suicidal, and naturally, Valentine shot a beauty of a shot into the top corner. Equalised after twenty-nine minutes. The Pimentan reporter leapt out of his seat, along with a mad home crowd who suddenly saw the opportunity to win against a team who they obviously knew were quite good.

The 1-1 score stood until half-time, and Hexatux was doing furious calculations again. Despite that, the Streeters got contradicting orders, because the interpreters' orders had been sent twice and the telegram operator up at the Department of Sports thought it would be a good joke to send out his own orders the second time. Of course, the assistants down at the bench got completely confused, and the Streeters went out into the second half looking just as dumbfounded as the Big Pimento fans. Thus, it was fully deserved when Boris Valentine got his second goal and sent the Street into disaster.

Despite a suicidal push - initiated by Rikki Stone's cry of "Um...attack?!" - towards the Pimentan goal in the final twenty minutes, Pedro Madhavapeddi was just completely unstoppable in goal and denied Cockbill Street all hope of a point. Luckily, there are still a fair few matches left in the qualifying series, and also, the group is very tight - only Squornshelous Pschychoes have a full compliment of points, while six teams are tied with one win and one loss. Cockbill Street are fourth, but their goal difference is inferior, and they have been playing easy opposition. The next qualifier against Magnus Valerius in the Vimesbairn National could see us into seventh place if we're sufficiently unlucky, and into first with severe amounts of the opposite benefice from Margaret. It is only to hope that the bad luck turns.

Big Pimento
BIG PIMENTO 2 - 1 COCKBILL STREET
Valentine 29 Peterson 22
Valentine 66

Street: Havell 4 - Hammer-fighter 3, Fearinciter 3, Spearthrower 3, Walker 2 -
Hammerhock 3, Sodium-alginate 2, Underwood 4 - T Axewielder 4 - Stone 1,
Peterson 5
Big Pimento: Madhavapeddi 7 - Rachunek 6, Phillips 6, Kallio 4, Sharapov 6,
Lewis 8 - Selecao 5, Poivron 6, Sukohara 6 - St. Jacques 4, Valentine 7

THE HERALD SPORTS DIGEST

Bunny Boilers

LARGE white rabbits were no problem for large sky blue players (except one - more on that later) as the Celestials powered to the top of Group Eight. Krytenia walked over the carrot-munchers with a four-one victory that means seven goals in two games.

Unfortunately, the inability of any Krytenian journalists to enter the country means details of the match are sketchy, but we do know the following:


Graeme Bravo played for the lagophobic Adam Vernazza, who stayed in Krytenia.
Josh II put Vorpal Bunnies in the lead on 26 minutes.
Colin Ulvæus equalised on 31.
Ulvæus' second came from the spot on 56 minutes.
Stephen Xousa, on his way to the Tadjikistan League after the World Cup, made it three on seventy minutes.
The game was wrapped up by Ari Smith four minutes from the end.


Dance 2 Revolution will be looking to improve on their poor start when they come to Green Street, however a buoyant Krytenian side will be looking to make it three out of three before a tricky trip to Spurland.

VORPAL BUNNIES - 1
Josh II 26

KRYTENIA - 4
Ulvæus 31, 56pen, Xousa 70, Smith 86

SCORERS:
Colin ULVÆUS - 3
Ryan CAREW - 1
Acienko RIMMER - 1
Ari SMITH - 1
Stephen XOUSA - 1

H v Carthage & Troy W 3-0 (Ulvaeus, Carew, Rimmer)
A v Vorpal BunniesW 4-1 (Ulvaeus 2, Xousa, Smith)
H v Dance 2 Revolution
A v Spurland
H v Jeruselem
H v Bedistan
A v Lovisa
A v Carthage & Troy
H v Vorpal Bunnies
A v Dance 2 Revolution
H v Spurland
A v Jeruselem
A v Bedistan
H v Lovisa

20:30h ECT O'Bannon memorial stadium

Brian Rogers: Terry Nevile and Barry Trotter have the ball in the center and are going to kick off.

*ref blows whistle*

BR:Nevile passes to Trotter and the game is on

(26min)

Andy Brown:...but Dent is on the defence and interseps the ball in midfeild, passes 1 defender, passed 2, passes to Brown in the box, Brown turns and has a go... deflectied by the keper, wait? ... he can't keep it, Dent got the ball passed the kepper and shots. IT'S IN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! and that give them the lead

BR: The key there was the low pass into the box, as it got the keper off guard and forced him to make a deflection, which Dent intersepted and the result is a 1 to nothing lead.

AB:well were back in the center for the restart of play lets see how this develps

(32min)

AB: and the Halfassedstates are comeing up in numbers hear. with only Mark Hunter and West in the attackers way. Hunter charges and get the ball in the penality area, Hunter lobs it to Brown who is en-gullfed, passes to Dent who lookes about to brake... he's taken down on the line. Play continues but Dent lookes injured.

BR: with that limp he can't play and a sub is deing warmed up... it's Michael Oakeshoot. The ball gets put out of play and the switch is made. lets see how this efects play.

(45+min)BR:...and theres the final whistle and El Cid have a 1-0 lead

AB: we have news on the injury, it minor but i will put him out of the next game. lets see how the team do without him in the second half.

http://www.dirt-racing.com/3wide/sites/vilita/vn/tn/logo.gif

Turori [1]-[2] Haperd
GO- Turori: : : Liano 56
ALS Haperd: : : Haperd Jr. 32 :: Rule 39



Haperd's National Stadium, Haperd's Town, Haperd
----------------------------------------

-----------------The Turori Eels were unable to build on their momentum from their Eagle's Cup championship, and opening day drubbing of Ravea as the travelled to the lands of Haperd for a re-match of the final Baptism of Fire Cup 15 group stage match. In that match, the Eels recorded their first ever International Victory, handing the Vulcans a 4-2 drubbing that sent Turori leapfrogging over Krytenia into the Semi Finals, and eventually the Baptism of Fire Cup championship. However, history would not repeat itself as Haperd reversed roles, taking control of the game in the first half, and defending astutely throughout the last 45 minutes when Turori had reverted to what could be considered a 3-3-4 formation in an attempt to stay atop the group 10 table.

-----------------The beginning of the match held a fine tribute to that Baptism of Fire Cup match, and the comparisons between the increased level of sport in the two nations since then, the Eels with their Eagles Cup on hand for the ceremony, and Haperd having some members of it's original squad on hand, greeting now Turori head coach Gisterfred Q. Disterfred who was on the team for that match so long prior. The ceremony somehow made the un-accomplished nation of Haperd look good, energizing the crowd at the start of the match. The energy seemed to spread to the players on the field, as Haperd looked to be the stronger team from the outset. Ken Clark's long ball found Kylie Rule who crashed an effort against the bar, signalling Haperd's intent in the match. Their intent was further emphasized when Rule outpaced the Turori backline, and slotted home, only to be called back for offsides.

-----------------Deservingly, Haperd would go in front half an hour in through Kris Haperd Jr. The Haperd hero was instrumental in earning a corner kick for the home side, which was taken by Jeff Flyman. Flyman played the ball short to Kallana Haperd, who sent a looping ball to the far post. Miluao Slietah was caught off guard with the looping ball, and Haperd Jr. was able to head home from two yards to the delight of the home fans. Haperd Jr. would then go from scorer to creator minutes later when his through pass to Rule saw a bullet shot find the upper corner of Slietah's net, giving the impressive Vulcans a 2-0 lead at the half.

-----------------Coach Disterfed made 2 changes at the half, taking out a pair of midfielders in favor of two Attacking-Minded players, Cedniavella's Mika Sakatorra and debutant Nikki Inostraza in favor of Cuolia TUirma and Yabaiy Tbaiao. Sakatorra settled in a rule behind the three on-field forwards, and the experimental formation wroked well, producing 6 shots on goal in the first 10 minutes of the second half. Sakatorra went closest when Jualiar Vumaou laid the ball back to the edge of the box for Sakatorra to blast at Kia Ireland in the Haperd net. Ireland could only palm the effort over for a Turori corner kick. the kick was taken by Malaino Mumamba, and looked to be on course to meet Inostraza in perfect position at the near post, however Inostraza was fouled by Haperd defender Kerry Dobson, and referee Marco Castellani of Esth immediately pointed to the spot. Turori top scorer Akamoari Liano stepped up to take the kick, and easily converted to cut the Haperd lead in half.

-----------------The Eels continued to dominate play over the next 25 minutes, but despite 6 shots on target, could not level the scores. Disterfred made one final substitution, inserting utility midfielder Rikko Ambama for Defender Marlian Hunial with 10 minutes to play. The final ten minutes breeded 4 corner kicks and many chances for the Eels to draw even with the Vulcans but Castellani blew the final whistle before Turori could get that elusive goal.



Referee: Marco Castellani [Esth]

Turori Eels (4-4-2) ::
[GK] Milauo Slietah, [D] Linoi Niabula, [D] Marlian Hunial, [D] Martika Ecspo, [D] Kiatin Likao [M] Tika Poloni, [M] Malaino Mumamba, [M] Yabaiy Tbaiao, [M] Cuolia Tuirma, [F] Jualiar Vumaou, [F] Akamoari Liano
BENCH::
[GK] Jarod Dreka, [D] Maratima Tareak, [DM] Ugo Doohan, [U] Rikko Ambama, [M] Mika Sakatorra [F] Nikki Inostraza, [F] Kaboafo Iobabao


----------------------------------------
RESULTS AND OTHER INFORMATION
----------------------------------------


All Turori Home matches to be at:: Almintora National Stadium, Almintora, Turori (Unless Otherwise Noted)

Turori::[6-0]-Ravea
Turori::[1-2]@Haperd
Turori::[X-X]-Eystrck
Turori::[X-X]@Pedriana
Turori::[X-X]@One Red Dot
Turori::[X-X]-Gesamtkuntswerk
Turori::[X-X]@Rejistania
Turori::[X-X]@Ravea
Turori::[X-X]-Haperd
Turori::[X-X]@Eystrck
Turori::[X-X]-Pedriana
Turori::[X-X]-One Red Dot
Turori::[X-X]@Gesamtkuntswerk
Turori::[X-X]-Rejistania



--------------------------------------------------------------------
Ao1b(8 ............... OouYvaiVYaqkBWjwIIOB ............. 001092019726X9

The Invincibles, though hardly living up to their moniker in their previous result by losing six one to Svecia, pulled of a big shock in Group Two by tying with The Eagles Nest.
Northbank took the lead on just six minutes, Terry Hanratty nodding home an excellent cross from Lawrence Etham. Siggy Secour scored on 32 to equalise for the Strike Birds, and then added a second twelve minutes into the second period. However, Rob Pears added to his strike against Svecia with the equaliser, swishing home a top class free-kick three minutes from the end.
The tie means that the Invincibles have done better against paymasters Krytenia in this fixture - TEN defeating them at the WC16 finals - however, this game was a home tie at Ash Park rather than a fixture on neutral ground. Like. We. Care.

NORTHBANK - 2 (Hanratty, Pears)
THE EAGLES NEST - 2 (Secour 2)

We are out on our of the most famous disasterous runs of form...Adrasuvare has been through 3 managers since qualification for WC XVI and still nothing works for the hapless Starlets of Adrasuvare...Now the Starlets meet with the WorldBeaters of the Group, NEWI Cefn Druids.

Can things get any worse for Adrasuvare and the Starlets?

After the Second Loss, Adrasuvare's Starlet Blue and White was turned red after Starlet fans rioted in Madrielle before 20 were arrested...

21:30h ECT O'Bannon memorial stadium

Brian Rogers: thats the breaver over it's time for part 2

*ref blows whistle*

BR:Halfassedstates start with the ball in the center, and advance....

(67min)

Andy Brown:... Keisl recives the pass from Desaillty and is looking for opitions, passes to Nevilein who's in the box, lines up shot...but it's into the keeper's hands. Now the keeper looks for a way forward....BUT TROTTER KICKED IT OUT OF HIS HANDS!!! He's in on goal AND IT'S IN!!!!!!!!!!!And the ref's given it, so the scroes now 2-nil and i can't see Halfassedstates recovering from that attack.

BR:I don't think anyone predicted that, that goal will no doubt be controversal but it gives us a bigger lead.

BR:It's back to the centre and the game restarts.

(90min+)BR:And the final whistle has been blown and El Cid has won the match. This has sent the crowd into raptures, i hope the local pubs and bars are fully stocked so 2-nil which puts us on top of the table.

EL Cid The Hero 2 (DENT26th Trotter 67th)
Halfassedstates 0

VILÄMNA DAGENS NYHETER

A SOGGY CONSISTENCY
Lightning open qualifying with outstanding, dismal performances

Svecia 6 Northbank 1
Esth 1 Svecia 1

Svecia - The Lightning started off their World Cup qualifying campaign in perfect form Friday. A 6-1 thrashing of Northbank at home got the crowd riled up, although the team did have a little help from the beer venders.

The goals were scored by six different players: all three forwards, Simão, Belagt, and Solskjaer, and all three midfielders, Svensson, Forsch, and Kliever.

But yesterday was a different story. Actually the entirity of Group 2 was a different story. Out of the top four teams in the group, there were three draws and one loss to the bottom four teams. The Eagles Nest, Svecia, and Snub Nose could only manage draws against their opponants, while the Halfassedstates actually lost to El Cid the Hero, which now leads the group. Snub Nose's opponant, Wapahkoneta, is not even ranked. This was rather lucky for the Lightning, however, as they remained ahead of the other top three, and are assuming El Cid's winning streak will end shortly, at least by MD 4 when the El Cid hosts the Lightning.

Svecia was stunned in the 32nd minute against Esth. The Esth home crowd erupted and was singing and chanting the whole game. Svecia did dominate in possession and shots, but dominating is not enough when only three of the 24 shots land on target. The Lightning did find the goal in the waning minutes of the match finally. Mikael Solskjaer found an open net in the 79th minute as the Esth goalkeeper came out along the goal line to stop a dribbling Hanan Belagt. Belagt attempted to center to Joël Simão but the ball was deflected out of the area and fell to Solskjaer about 30 yards out. Solskjaer one-timed the ball on the short hop and it blazed into the side of the netting leaving the crowd stunned, but still happy at the end with their team's one point against a much better opponant.

Hey Hey! Holy Cow!
Cubs’ Derrek Lee Makes Cameo Appearance In Melmond’s 3-1 Win
By Jim Dwordorf of the Aldi Tribune

YEADDIN, VILITA—Things seemed way too peaceful in the match against The Evil Umpire. Other than the singer of The Evil Umpire’s national anthem going into some rant about how the Eauzians were “stupid surrender monkeys” for confusing the world interbreeding with inbreeding and spelling the great Josef Tea Bag’s first name the Francophone style “Joseuf,” things seemed to be going rather normally. There were Vilitan guards all around the pitch and the stands at Lirai Asku Castle in Yeaddin, Vilita were half full. I say half full because I feel very optimistic about this match and the whole Melmond National Team. The sky was a beautiful postcard blue without a cloud in the sky and a moderate wind swept through the castle interior.
The first half was suspiciously average for any match involving the always conniving The Evil Umpire side. Both sides just played your traditional football match: great passes, clean tackles, clever plays, and the like. It was a rather genteel match between the Disappointments and the Evil Tea Bags. However, it was apparent that the Melmondian football talent was not in the Asshatians blood.
At the 21st minute, an errant pass by The Evil Umpire midfielder Derryl Tea Bag was easily intercepted by Melmond midfielder Alfred Smith. Smith then finds fellow Melmond midfielder Critandi Unne, who then deflects Smith’s pass to Melmond striker Ojfssnsj Xrnym. Xrnym blasts a shot that blazes right past The Evil Umpire goalkeeper Holy India Tea Bag. However, the ball hit the right goalpost! However the deflection was cleaned up by Critandi Unne and put in the net. The small Melmond contingent cheers the goal as they go up 1-nil.
Melmond would get their second goal in the 35th minute after Melmond goalkeeper Snhp Xtfuinxm found The Evil Umpire defence way off guard. He launches a long throw which went straight down to the midfielder to be picked up by Melmond defender Trav Strachan who then kicks the ball to Melmond midfielder Fwynj Otsjx who then deflects the pass with a clever back heel to the streaking Melmond striker Tim Remans, who has beat his marker, The Evil Umpire defender Marvin Tea Bag. Basically it’s a one-on-one showdown between Remans and The Evil Umpire goalkeeper Holy India Tea Bag. The natural goal scorer Remans makes Holy India Tea Bag look silly as he smugly kicks a roller out of reach for the goalkeeper and into the net. Melmond takes the 2-nil lead into halftime during this suspiciously clean match.
However, during halftime, one can sense trouble brewing. One can hear it, see it, touch it, smell it, and even taste it. It appears some shadowy men led by a very familiar face whose name I cannot think of at the time were setting up catapults they found lying around the remnants of the Vilitan castle. It appears that The Evil Umpire was up to their own tricks in the second half, hoping to catch the hated Melmond side off-guard with one clean half of football.
The Evil Umpire attack in the second half didn’t come from The Evil Tea Bags, but rather the cronies at the edge of the stands. Their first choice of ammo was big and fat umpires, which are plentiful in the Umphir part of The Evil Umpire. The airborne fat umps messed up many scoring opportunities by causing minor tremors throughout the stadium as they made impact with the pitch. One really fat umpire made a giant divot a couple of yards to the right of the centre circle of the pitch. As the game went on, many players on both sides tripped on that divot.
Fortunately, the Melmond Football Association had a backup plan. They brought with them infamous Melmondian scientist Dr. Somewhat Eccentric, the creator of the portal which brought things from the NationStates planet to Earth. He brought the portal with him to get a defence system for the Melmond National Team and whatever Melmondians decided to take the trek to see the match. He set the portal to obtain Derrek Lee, first baseman of the Chicago Cubs who has recently made a clutch hit. Unfortunately, on his first try, he got a Cub, but it was a Bedistan Cub. Dr. Eccentric notices the mistake and sends the Bedistani Cub back to his under 21 match. Then he gets the right man from Earth, Cubs first baseman Derrek Lee. Lee had his bat with a couple batting doughnuts on it in his hand as he was pulled out of the portal. He was soon informed of his reason for being there and went to work as the bat was enchanted by the White Mages the Melmondians brought along.
“Help us stop these giant fat flying umpires Derrek Lee!” one Melmondian official asked. Lee then chants, “I summon the power of Jack Brickhouse and with a wave of my bat I say…hey hey!” Bales of hay started appearing whenever the fat umpires were about to land on the pitch, softening the blows to the pitch and stopping the tremors. The giant divot in the field was covered by the hay bales. Fortunately, Melmond striker Tim Remans was able to dribble around The Evil Umpire defender Osama Tea Bag and make a strike in the left corner of the net past The Evil Umpire goalkeeper Holy India Tea Bag. Melmond has a 3-nil lead at the 54th minute.
The Evil Umpire apparently sneaked some Skyline Chili from Cincinnati through the portal as the transaction was made from Chicago. They started loading up the chili on the catapults and started launching that at the Melmond players. However, Derrek Lee took his bat and did some not so enchanted act; he just hit the wads of chili with his bat and in the faces of 8-Bit’s cronies.
As the assaults with fat umpires and wads of Skyline chili prove to be unsuccessful, The Evil Umpire starts to unleash their most potent weapon of all, billy goats. Billy goats are the kryptonite to Melmond and the Chicago Cubs and one can see the dread in the eyes of the Melmondians and Derrek Lee. “There is one way that I can stop it, I must summon the holy cow.” Derrek Lee states. He continues, “With power installed within me by Harry Caray, holy cow!” The holy cow appears and starts to make his barrier….PHHHHHHHHRRRRRRRRRRRRRRT!
Unfortunately, as the holy cow made his barrier, Melmond goalkeeper Snhp Xtfuinxm was directly down wind and passed out. The Evil Umpire took advantage of this situation as The Evil Umpire midfielder Josef Tea Bag finds striker Spike Tea Bag who kicks the ball in the undefended net. At the 58th minute The Evil Umpire cuts the Melmond lead to two.
Xtfuinxm had to be substituted for as he was unconscious. Gina Unne went in the match and did the job as she stopped all of The Evil Umpire’s shots. Manager David Bixler made some other substitution to give some of his more veteran players some rest as Veronica Dean and Jake Cormier came in for Sergio Ortiz and Cristina Antunez respectively. Now that The Evil Umpire could not catapult any objects during the match due to the barrier from the holy cow, Melmond dominated the rest of the match with their pure talent. Melmond gets the 3-1 victory and declared Derrek Lee the man of the match. With a thank you, Derrek Lee returns to the portal with a Melmond jersey over his shoulder.

Goals
Cr. Unne, MEL 21st
Remans, MEL 35th
Remans, MEL 54th
Sp. Tea Bag, TEU 58th

Cards
None

Standings

Other Group 3 Results
Slaikau 0 – Eauz 2
Qia 0 – Spaam 5
Insane Inflation 0 – Oaker 0

Group 3
Pts W D L GF:GA GD
1. Spaam 6 2 0 0 10:0 10
2. Melmond 6 2 0 0 6:1 5
3. Eauz 6 2 0 0 5:0 5
4. Oaker 4 1 1 0 3:0 3
5. Insane Inflation 1 0 1 1 0:3 -3
6. The Evil Umpire 0 0 0 2 1:6 -5
7. Slaikau 0 0 0 2 0:7 -7
8. Qia 0 0 0 2 0:8 -8

Team Stats
Goals: Ojfssnsj Xrnym (3), Tim Remans (2), Critandi Unne (1)
Cards: None

Melmond National Team Schedule

v Insane Inflation (Frankndottir Stadium, Acosta) W 3-0
v The Evil Umpire (Vilita) W 3-1
v Slaikau (Microcosm Football Colossuseum, Aldi)
@ Qia
@ Oaker
v Spaam (Melmond Bowl, Melmond City)
@ Eauz
@ Insane Inflation
v The Evil Umpire (Commerce Heights)
@ Slaikau
v Qia (Bwnlqjd Knjgi, Wzkknfs Hynd)
v Oaker (Feliz-Unne Stadium, Unne)
@ Spaam
v Eauz (Makinshakes Stadium, O’Connor)

Next Game
vs. Slaikau (Microcosm Football Colossuseum, Aldi)

Melmond seems to be on a good start, and this match against Slaikau is one that they should win. Melmond has more talent and the home team advantage. Slaikau got hammered by Spaam 5-nil in their first match but gave the number one team in the world Eauz a run for their money before falling 2-nil. Slaikau certainly isn’t a team to overlook. One big piece of bad news for the Disappointments, world-class goalkeeper Snhp Xtfuinxm will not be able to play in front of his former home club crowd due to that major methane blast in his face coming from the holy cow. Gina Unne, who has been outstanding as of late, will take the start. Here is the rest of Manager David Bixler’s starting lineup.

GK- Gina Unne
D- Jonsi Torrini
D- Sergio Ortiz
D- Charles Unne
D- Trav Strachan
M- Fwynj Otsjx
M- Alfred Smith
M- Critandi Unne
M- Cristina Antunez
F- Ojfssnsj Xrnym
F- Tim Remans

Microcosm Football Colossuseum
Location: Aldi, Melmond
Seats: 97,474 (Open Air)

Aldi is the second largest city in Melmond and is on the coast of the Aldi Sea. It is known for its beautiful weather and gnarly surfing. However, this town does seem to have an inferiority complex to the larger Melmond City and the more glamorous Unne. One sign of this complex is that the city of Aldi felt it had to build a bigger stadium than Melmond City to still look like a world-class city. With that and the sinister brainchild of Microcosm of Melmond, the Microcosm Football Colossuseum was built by those subconsciously hypnotized by the talking dolls made by the company and Matmel which brought people from other cities in Melmond and far away places like Bedistan and Commerce Heights to build this monolith for free.
This stadium is the home of the Melmond Premier League club Aldi Reds. The stadium is in the shape of the most perfect circle a sentient being can create. However, the pitch is in your traditional rectangular shape to keep the fans near the action. Of course, being that Microcosm of Melmond is the sponsor of the stadium, this is one of the most hi-tech stadiums with air-conditioned stands and two jumbotrons. Of course as with any prerequisite for a stadium this size, lots and lots of bathrooms! Many tickets still available and remember the first 10,000 fans to enter the stadium get a big, sloppy sandwich courtesy of Microcosm of Melmond!

The Daily Indoctrinator
Time to Clobber The Evil Tea Bags for Being Losers

Its time for rocks and garbage to be thrown at our players. I thought holding the Eauzian PA guy at gunpoint and forcing him to play "It's A Rich Man's World" by ABBA repeatedly would destroy Eauz, but they were one step ahead of us...earplugs...who would have known! We lost 3-nil.

But what was worse was losing to those free will loving Melmondians 3-1. Curse you Derrek Lee, and I see I have seeing that you guys lost 11-1 to the Marlins. MWHAHAHAHAHA! Oaker you're next, chainsaw massacre anyone?

The Reichsmarkia Times
Price: we have no idea, how much the inflation ravaged during the night

Trillionaires earn first point
They can only hope that its value won't decrease

The Trillionaires held the Oaker Sharks down to a scoreless draw in their first-ever home-game in the FC Rechsmarkia/Fortuna Reichsmarkia Stadium. The stadium has this a bit long name since FC and Fortuna use it both for the home games (this regularily becomes a problem when the matches of the Insane League are planned). The Oaker fans did outnumber the fans of the Trillionaires (maybe because a trip to Insane Inflation is not that expensive) and made the match a kind of home game for the Sharks, only on a worse pitch. Many Oaker fans changed small values of their currency toTotally Inflated Yen because they wanted to have a banknote with 12 zeros on it.

The match started slowly, the Sharks apparently had much problems with the state of the pitch and the Trillionaires with soccer in general but despite that, the match saw a few chances. The best chance for the Trillionaires was when Qienhao and Series were in a good position for an attack, Yen tried to pass to Qienhao... and the ball did fall into one of the hole on the field. Oaker had the best chance when Reichsmark's attempt to attack was stopped by Oaker and he as well as Oaker and Oaker started a counter-attack. Johnson stole the ball from Oaker, only to lose it to Oaker directly after this. Fortunately, Oaker's shot was far too high.

It werked better this time...

The Pedriana team was somewhat dispirited as they prepared to take the pitch at National Stadium in Athtai against the Gesamtkuntswerk Sturms. This, of course, was because the Llamas were without the biggest player on their team, Giant Evil Spider midfield starter Bob, who was serving a one-match suspension after receiving two yellow cards in the One Red Dot match. Undeterred, they resolved to play their best anyway, and surprisingly enough, they actually got better results. Paris Canetta opened the scoring by catching the opposing keeper wrong-footed in the 12th minute, but Gesamtkuntswerk quickly equalized. Midfielder Dong Khanponaphan almost gave Pedriana the lead back on the stroke of halftime, but was ruled offside by referee Motaak Otieno. J.C. Steich would concede a second goal midway through the second half, and 2-1 is how the score would stay.

"It was an encouraging performance," said manager/coach Olé Retaguma after the match. "Gesamtkuntswerk is an excellent squad and only losing by one goal shows a great effort by our boys."

Final score:
Pedriana 1 (Canetta 12)
Gesamtkuntswerk 2 (17, 65)

The Aeropag Tribune - Guaranteed more ads per square inch than the Commerce Heights Chronicle

World Cup Report - Matchday 2
Commerce Heights @ Oceaice
OCEAICE CITY, OCEAICE - After driving around in Oceaice for hours, the Capitalizts were lucky to make it to Oceaice National Stadium on time for the game. Although the players were a bit tired due to the search for the stadium, they had no trouble at all with the game when they discovered that there was no known soccer team in Oceaice. Although the match should have been forfeited, it seemed that someone had bribed the Liverpudlian referee, as the match went on as scheduled. The apparently-easy task of kicking the ball into an undefended goal was complicated when a machine similar to the RP bonus machine (currently known as a 'bribery machine') trapped the ball in a force field as soon as it was kicked, injuring T. I. Yen's leg when he ran into it. The next 89 minutes were spent attempting to turn off the bribery machine, which was eventually accomplished when someone pulled out a §500 bill and stuck it into a slot. The referee was not so easily bribed, though, and T. I. Yen received a red card for 'uncapitaliztlike conduct' when he finally scored the only goal of the match.

Day Opponent Result
1 SARZONIA W 2-0
2 Oceaice W 1-0
3 LIECHTENISTAN

[1] Giant Zucchini 2 2 0 0 6-2 6
[2] Iansisle 2 2 0 0 7-4 6
<3> Commerce Heights 2 2 0 0 3-0 6
<4> Starblaydia 2 1 0 1 7-2 3
5- Sarzonia 2 1 0 1 2-3 3
6- Oceaice 2 0 0 2 2-4 0
7- Liechtenistan 2 0 0 2 3-7 0
8- Pure Evil 2 0 0 2 1-9 0

Crystils Fall to Bad Defeat

The Crystilakere Crystils were beaten by Raptor Claw in what could be a deciding point in which of the two teams eventually makes it into the World Cup finals or playoff. The Crystils had been first in the group before the defeat, but now are 4th and need good results against the teams above them to save their campaign. The match looked to be a draw in the making before Raptor Claw scored a late winner to cruch the Crystils. Giuseppe Zucco put the Crystils in the lead early, but Raptor Claw fought back to level the scores at half time. Poor defending in the closing stages of the match cost the Crystils as Raptor Claw scored the deciding goal with just 5 minutes to play.

The Crystils now know they must beat one of the 3 teams in front of them if they are to have a realistic chance at getting into the Finals. The Crystils have missed out on the final matchday the last two cups and were hoping this would be their year in the finals. Crystilakere 1-2 Raptor Claw

Kirata Government News

The Kirata government has held an information session regarding their less than spectacular performance in the world cup. The makeshift Kirata team has not scored any goals, and has lost both of it's opening games to Lykaia and Wella. The Lykaia game had given the current team, wearing fish skin uniforms, hope for the future, but the 3-0 loss to Wella has sealed their fate, and the government will be spending $50,000,000 on the upgrading of facilities and proper training of the Fish in so they are ready for the next cup.

The current team will continue fighting for it's life in the 17th world cup, but the Psychotic Dictator now knows that the people are aware that the performance will get better, and there will not be a revolt.

Matchday 3 Scores Posted:

SCORES THREAD (http://forums2.jolt.co.uk/showthread.php?t=356281)

TEN Back On Track

3-1 Win Over Esth Place Them 5th In Group

After the shipping debacle that allowed Northbank to get a 2-2 tie, the RP machine was installed correctly at the Home pitch of the Strike Birds, and reams of papers from the last few days were fed into the machine, and the humming began.

Esth took 3 shots at the goal in the early minutes, the first went in, but then the wind started blowing mighty fierce and the ball got nowhere near the Strike Birds goal the rest of the game.

meanwhile, the Nest offens had a field day, scoring 3 goals in the first half, 2 goals bounced off of the post got some backspin, and settled into the goal. The third score was a trademark blast from Horace that cleared out the defense and the balled rolled into the goal very easily.

Meanwhile, below the field the machine hummed along, and as the game ended, the hum faded.

"Get tonight's paper and feed it into the machine before you send it to Wapahknoeta."

"But Sir...what if they don't let it past customs?"

"Kneecap them. Take Guido with you."

"*gulp* guido?" *a very large man of Italian stock in a nice pinstripe suit comes up and stands behind the shadowry figure.

"Guido will make sure things don't go wrong."

"*nods* yes sir."

*Guido and the team manager leave as technicians come in to remove the machine and move it for the away game. The shadowry figure mutters to himself..."Time to deal with that referee from the EL CID game."


Turorian Referee Gone Missing

The referee who ran the 1-0 Nest loss to EL CID THE HERO, a Denora Norgood has missed his flight to Bedistan on route to his next Cup assignment. It was reported that he did get on his charter flight out of the nest, but the plane never arrived in Bedistan. An investigation is pending.

Stumbling Against Slaikau
Clumsiness Costs Melmond 2 Points
By Jim Dwordorf of the Aldi Tribune

ALDI, MELMOND—This was one of those matches in which you would want to take whatever snack you have with you at the time on the floor and yell “Ah nuts!” This is one of those matches were Melmond played very well throughout the match, but one simple mistake can cost the team a victory. The announced attendance for this match against Slaikau was around 70,000. About a third of those in attendance were disguised as empty seats. Usually even 45,000 is very respectable attendance in many places, but in the 97,474 seated Microcosm Football Colossuseum in Aldi, such an attendance makes the stands look like a vast wasteland. Even though the Melmond National Team has been playing well as of late, I suppose that no one was really that interested in seeing them play a very obscure team in Slaikau, especially since that the best player who has ever played for the hometown club side Aldi Reds, Snhp Xtfuinxm, was out of the match due to a major methane attack from the holy cow in the match against The Evil Umpire. Gina Unne got the starting nod in this match and played rather well.
The football was rather dull for most of the first half until the 30th minute, where a very high tackle by Slaikau defender Dan Jones hit Melmond striker Tim Remans in the crotch. Remans fell to the pitch in agony and a cascade of shrill whistles of disapproval from the crowd followed. The whistles of disapproval quickly shifted to cheers as Dan Jones was shown the red card and the door. Slaikau would have to play one player down. As Remans was reeling during the next couple minutes of play, Manager David Bixler decided to make a substitution at the next possible moment, putting the more physical striker Jamie Prior in for Tim Remans. The Melmond strike force of Ojfssnsj Xrnym and Jamie Prior made it the first all-female strike force for the Melmond National Team in its history.
The cheap tackle by Slaikau’s Dan Jones set a tempo for this match of brute physicality, which played in Manager David Bixler’s hands. The Disappointments under Bixler have adopted a physical defensive style in the midfield and now that they were down a player and the physicality went up a notch, Slaikau’s attack was nonexistent. However, Melmond defender Trav Strachan got the emotions get the best of him as in retaliation for a late tackle not called by the referee, Strachan tackled Slaikau midfielder Richard Kavanagh from behind and got a yellow card at the 41st minute. The first half ended scoreless, but the last part of that half was rather entertaining as one can notice the heat between these two sides beginning to rise.
It wasn’t until ten minutes into the second half where Melmond’s girl power finally prevailed. Melmond midfielder Cristina Antunez set a cross which was trapped on the chest by striker Jamie Prior. Prior then makes a pass back to striker Ojfssnsj Xrnym. Xrnym lets off a blast of a kick which was deflected off the hands of Slaikau goalkeeper Mark Gayle. However, Jamie Prior easily cleans up the ricochet and gets her first ever international goal in the first international game in which she did something other than sit on the bench. Prior’s goal puts Melmond up 1-nil at the 55th minute.
Slaikau looked to be in a bad way as the momentum was turning toward the Melmond National Team. The physicality of the Melmond defence was wearing down the Slaikau attack and the Slaikau side was still down a player. That would change as the fiery Jamie Prior gets in a verbal tussle with Slaikau striker Mark Hallam. Prior loses her temper and proceeds to slap Hallam in his face clear in front of the referee. Jamie Prior would get the quick heave ho as she gets the red card at the 63rd minute. Substitutions on both sides were made to adjust to the ten-on-ten battle. Melmond brought in some more physical players on defence and midfield as Veronica Dean and Jake Cormier came in for Sergio Ortiz and Cristina Antunez respectively.
Melmond continued to shut down the Slaikau attack as their lineup focused on defence as only one striker was on the field for the Disappointments. Melmond played very well until an unfortunately occurrence happened at the 82nd minute. As it seemed it was a foregone conclusion that Melmond was going to hold out Slaikau for the 1-nil victory, Slaikau gets a huge break. After a cross by Stuart Skidmore, defender Veronica Dean was in perfect position to head the ball away from the net. Unfortunately, another Melmond defender Charles Unne thought the same. Charles Unne stumbles over Dean’s feet and falls down and takes Dean with him. Slaikau striker Jason Ashby easily takes the cross and has an easy shot at close range which easily got past the helpless Melmond goalkeeper Gina Unne. Slaikau ties the match at 1-1 and the match will end that way as the Melmond crowd lets out a resigned applause.

Goals
Prior, MEL 55th
Ashby, SLA 82nd

Cards
Jones, SLA 30th
Strachan, MEL 41st
Prior, MEL 63rd

Standings

Other Group 3 Results
Eauz 4 – Qia 1
Spaam 3 – Insane Inflation 1
Oaker 1 – The Evil Umpire 2

Group 3
Pts W D L GF:GA GD
1. Spaam 9 3 0 0 13:1 12
2. Eauz 9 3 0 0 9:1 8
3. Melmond 7 2 1 0 7:2 5
4. Oaker 4 1 1 1 4:2 2
5. The Evil Umpire 3 1 0 2 3:7 -4
6. Insane Inflation 1 0 1 2 1:6 -5
7. Slaikau 1 0 1 2 1:8 -7
8. Qia 0 0 0 3 1:12 -11

Team Stats
Goals: Ojfssnsj Xrnym (3), Tim Remans (2), Critandi Unne (1), Jamie Prior (1)
Cards: Jamie Prior (1), Trav Strachan (1)

Melmond National Team Schedule

v Insane Inflation (Frankndottir Stadium, Acosta) W 3-0
v The Evil Umpire (Vilita) W 3-1
v Slaikau (Microcosm Football Colossuseum, Aldi) T 1-1
@ Qia
@ Oaker
v Spaam (Melmond Bowl, Melmond City)
@ Eauz
@ Insane Inflation
v The Evil Umpire (Commerce Heights)
@ Slaikau
v Qia (Bwnlqjd Knjgi, Wzkknfs Hynd)
v Oaker (Feliz-Unne Stadium, Unne)
@ Spaam
v Eauz (Makinshakes Stadium, O’Connor)

Next Game
@ Qia

It looks like the Melmond National Team has run into the perfect tonic to recover from stumbling into a tie from what would have been victory in Qia. Qia has thus far looked to be a contender for the wooden spoon as they sit in last place in the group, being the only side not to score a point yet. They did play against Eauz, Spaam, and Oaker in those matches, but thus far don’t look to be a great threat. As long as the Disappointments don’t get too arrogant and make silly mistakes, this should be an easy three points for the Melmond National Team. Manager David Bixler has decided to keep Gina Unne in the starting lineup to let Snhp Xtfuinxm recover from that methane blast from the holy cow in The Evil Umpire match. He will be needed in that key match against Oaker. Gina Unne has been playing well as of late.

GK- Gina Unne
D- Jonsi Torrini
D- Sergio Ortiz
D- Charles Unne
D- Trav Strachan
M- Fwynj Otsjx
M- Alfred Smith
M- Critandi Unne
M- Cristina Antunez
F- Ojfssnsj Xrnym
F- Tim Remans

For tickets to Qia and the match call the Therewegoes Travel Agency at 3-18-357-9009. They are known for their quiet and humble folk who can be rather naïve at times. Also they are known for having an excellent sense of rhythm. They claim that the natural rhythm of the people in Qia gives the football team some success despite their utter lack of talent.

The Daily Indoctrinator
A Victory, But Could Have Been More Eviler

Sure enough, The Evil Umpire gets their first victory over a said to be strong Oaker side 2-1, but it could have been more gruesome! Darn you Jutaoi Linuao for not taking our bribes to use real chainsaws!

A careful analysis of Big Pimento’s results through Matchday 3

After three matches, Big Pimento finds itself with three points. For all you statwankers out there, that’s one point per game. As a result, the Pimentos find themselves in seventh place out of a group of eight.

For most squads, this would be seen as a disappointment, but for the absolute unknown Pimento side, any point is a major accomplishment. Furthermore, with some additional statwanking we find that the Pimento’s performance thus far is more startling than it appears.

Group 4 is basically divided into two groups. We have Audioslavia, Cockbill Street, Squornshelous and The Weegies all possessing ranks under 50. For the purpose of this example, we’ll refer to the as The Best. On the flipside, we have four lesser teams looking to play spoiler, notably Magnus Valerius, Ebon Hawk, Isles of Wohlstand and lastly, Big Pimento. This un-fab four will be referred to as the rest.

After three matches, Big Pimento have played three of the best and none of the rest, making their initiation to international football an extremely challenging one. How the Pimentos haven’t packed their bags and gone home to weep in a corner due to repeated whoopings at the hands of stronger competition is a testament to their will and skill.

So what does it all mean?

Not much really, if anything at all, since the battle for the wooden spoon will begin to clear up when the rest play the rest and the best plays the best. But if the Pimentos can continue their solid play, one thing is certain; bookkeepers may begin to change those 1:18 odds in favour of Big Pimento getting that mahogany spoon.

It’s a shame too, as this nation could use anything to fill up its trophy case at this point. ;)

The Bedistan Sports Digest

We Told You!
Drastic change by manager Barton leads to goalfest win for Lions

COLUMBIA, FD -- Bedistan national team manager Brandon Barton apparently finally gave in to the pressure. After fielding complaints for several days about the "stagnation" of his World Cup qualifying squad, he decided to shake things up in the match against Carthage and Troy, feeling that it was the safest time to do so.

Bedistan normally plays in a standard 4-4-2 formation, and has done so for decades. However, Barton decided to get really fancy and focus strongly on attacking in this game. Striker Sven Cardinal, normally a substitute, started the match along with Jackson Reinhardt and Benjamin Xi on the front line. High Mountain central midfielder Phil Patel, also normally a substitute, also received a starting spot. In exchange, the two central defenders, Carl Chang and Kevin Fields, were omitted from the starting eleven, making the final starting selection a distinctly lopsided and unconventional 2-5-3. This contrasted sharply with the visiting side's super-defensive 5-4-1.

BEDISTAN

Paulsen
95
al-Armani Hammond
92 85

Yu
Best 96 Willow
86 Patel Willis 91
89 97

Xi Cardinal Reinhardt
94 87 84
---------------------------------
Janucci
23

Cardona Savioli
8 7
do Caracas Zinnridi
6 11

Astro Kandaulo Fierelus
22 5 4
Astegal Nunyez
3 2
Hampsicora
1

CARTHAGE AND TROY

The goals started coming pretty much from the opening whistle. Nick Yu started with the ball and made a quick pass upfield to Sven Cardinal, who found a hole between Fierelus and Kandaulo and made the most of it, putting a shot past Jiram Hampsicora to light the scoreboard inside a minute. The Carthaginian-Trojan defense then solidified a bit, holding the Lions back for a while. But with half the squad in attacking positions, Bedistan would not be contained for long. Jackson Reinhardt, after a slow start to qualifying compared with WC16, finally managed his second goal of the campaign 18 minutes in. Even behind 2-0, Carthage and Troy did not change tactics, assuring themselves that Bedistan's offense would wear out before halftime and that lone striker Janucci would then be able to find holes in the Lions' two-man defense. Indeed, the home team's attacks weren't particularly accurate a lot of the time. However, the sheer number began to take its toll on the C&T back line, as Hampsicora conceded a third ten minutes before halftime. They would claw one back as Janucci found one of the aforementioned holes in the Bedistani defense, and with little support from the rest of the team, Hank Paulsen capitulated, ending the shutout as Janucci scored seconds before the halftime whistle, which would see Bedistan up 3-1.

Ecstatic with what he saw on the pitch, Barton was happy to keep the formation as it was, though he did bring Nathan Gordon on for a tiring Cedric Willis in midfield. The offensive machine continued operating well into the second half, with Alan City's Nick Yu taking a 25-yard shot on sixty-three minutes that found its way into the net for 4-1. Not long afterward, Gino Janucci made his way toward the Bedistani back line again, and Dave al-Armani got a bit careless with a clearance off the line, tripping Janucci. Referee Siki Rej awarded a penalty to Carthage and Troy. Right winger Salicar Savioli took the kick from the spot, easily putting it in to cut Bedistan's lead to two. By this time, both sides' midfields were beginning to wear down, especially Carthage and Troy's, and this allowed Reinhardt to complete his hattrick twenty minutes before full time. Barton now used his two remaining substitutions to bring Chang and Fields on for Xi and Patel, dropping back to the good old 4-4-2 to close out the match.

"This is exactly what we need to see more of," commented a Bedistani fan as he left Holmes Stadium. "This is the exciting play that all us fans here are craving. This is the kind of stuff that will win a World Cup."

Final score:
Bedistan 5 (Cardinal 1; Reinhardt 18, 34, 71; Yu 63)
Carthage and Troy 2 (Janucci 45, Savioli pen 66)

Referee: Siki Rej [REJ]
Attendance: 68,940

The Schedule

MD01: Bedistan 2-0 Dance 2 Revolution (Holmes Stadium, Columbia; att 73481)
MD02: Spurland 0-2 Bedistan
MD03: Bedistan 5-2 Carthage and Troy (Holmes Stadium, Columbia; att 68940)
MD04: Vorpal Bunnies v Bedistan
MD05: Bedistan v Lovisa (Akoki Stadium, Port Lusambo)
MD06: Krytenia v Bedistan
MD07: Bedistan v Jeruselem (Stephen Rogers Mem. Stad., Yuba)
MD08: Dance 2 Revolution v Bedistan
MD09: Bedistan v Spurland (venue TBA)
MD10: Carthage and Troy v Bedistan
MD11: Bedistan v Vorpal Bunnies (venue TBA)
MD12: Lovisa v Bedistan
MD13: Bedistan v Krytenia (venue TBA)
MD14: Jeruselem v Bedistan

Tigers eat Pterodactyls

Dushanbe - The game against Pterodactyl was the last of the "easy" matches of the first round and the Tigers had to win if they wanted to qualify. The Pterodactyls had to win some points to, if they wanted to get away from the 7th spot. But Pterodactyl met an opponent that was too strong for them.

The Tigers started slow, building up their chances. They would not allow their opponents to take advantage of faults. Their slow buildup gave them only 2 chances, the first ended in Thawings hands. The second chance went over.
In the second half Triandafillov fielded Timoshenko for Chuikov, hoping the extra offensive power would lead to a goal. It was the sign for the Tigers go in at full speed. Pliiev opened the score in the 52th minute with a low shot that deflected of Pterodactylian defender Tinround and into the net.

The Pterodactyls seemed unable to follow the Tigers in their acceleration and they found themselves defeated again in the 60th minute when Suvorov launched a powerful shot from the right side through their defense and into the far corner of the goal. The Tigers had broken loose and countered the Pterodactyl moves, they recuperated the ball and moved down the sides to try and score.

Pliiev was at the base of the third goal with a long pass to Cherniakhovskij in the 78th minute. Cherniakhovkij moved past Wayu Phigh and scored with a low shot in the left corner. Pterodactyl tried to save their honor with a goal but they failed to get past Yashin. The last goal of the match came from Gromovs left, a nice shot from the second line that bounced of the left pole and into the net; The gangster finished off the Pterodactyl. Gromov received a red card from Ref Rej only five minutes later for putting his Elbow in Otruns eye, it came to late for Pterodactyl to make a difference. the only result of the red card will be a "nice discussion" between Triandafillov and Gromov.

The win against Pterodactyl sends Tadjikistan to the 4th spot in the group past Dennisov, Tadjikistans next opponent. Dennisov has lost much of its former glory but is still regarded as dangerous. If the Tigers continue on their current elan, they stand a very good chance at winning.

Goals:
Pliiev "52(1-0), Suvorov "60(2-0), Cherniakhovskij "78(3-0), Gromov "80(4-0)

Tadjikistan:
Yashin, Kuznetsov, Managarov, Zhilenkov, Gromov(R "85), Pliiev, Bagramian, Pavlov, Chuikov ("45 Timoshenko), Suvorov, Cherniakhovskij

Pterodactyl:
Thawings, Ndown, Nlow, Tinround, Phigh, Nup, On, Otrun, Ngspan, Nadraft, Seattak

MD1: Tadjikistan - Kylaai L 1-2
MD2: Artoonia - Tadjikistan W 0-3
MD3: Tadjikistan - Pterodactyl W 4-0
MD4: Dennisov - Tadjikistan
MD5: Total n Utter Insanity - Tadjikistan
MD6: NASTIC 2 - Tadjikistan
MD7: Tadjikistan - Lemmitania
MD8: Kylaai - Tadjikistan
MD9: Tadjikistan - Artoonia
MD10:Pterodactyl - Tadjikistan
MD11:Tadjikistan - Dennisov
MD12:Tadjikistan - Total n Utter Insanity
MD13:Tadjikistan - NASTIC 2
MD14:Lemmitania - Tadjikistan

Three Games, No Cigars, One Point

This qualifying series is turning into a disappointing affair. While Dennisov's FA has chosen Melvina Caillier as their new President, the team is stuck on a single point. Even though qualification never seemed likely, their perfomance of late has been atrocious.

Their results:

Total n Utter Insanity 2 Dennisov 1
Dennisov 1 NASTIC 2 3
Lemmitania 0 Dennisov 0

These were not the weakest teams by far, but if mrs Caillier expects football to gain some ground in popularity on baseball and icehockey, the team better start winning. Sixth in group 1 with only a draw against World Cup giants Lemmitania is hardly going to warm the hearts of the Dennisov sportsfans.

The next game is against yet another seemingly stronger opponent, Tadjikistan. This team has slaughtered the last two teams they met. Dennisov's defense has its work cut out for them, with Tadjikistan scoring a massive 8 goals in their first games. Even their average is higher than the total goals scored by the Dennisov offense.

Dennisov, still without an official manager, will be facing the offensive threat of Pliiev and Cherniakhovskij. Whether the new Dennisov defense will be able to keep either of these players of the score sheet remains to be seen. Their keeper, Yashin, will undoubtedly have a more quiet day than his Dennish opponent, Drew Zubke. He will be trying to get his second clean sheet, let's just hope that Tadjikistan's offensive stars are hunting for something other than goals or this might be a very painful start of the Dennisov World Cup campaign.

[09:39] * Now talking in #football_fanatics
[09:39] * Topic is 'The only thing Europa Brittania are good at is sucking ass!'
[09:39] * Set by ILoveMonkeys on Mon Sep 13 03:09:59
[09:39] * ChanServ sets mode: +o Wherewolf
[09:40] <Wherewolf> I'm surprised the Insanicians managed such a great start, 7 points from 3 games, whatever drugs they are taking I want some.
[09:42] <Star4Cup> Starblaydia was robbed, I've never even heard of Sarzonia.
[09:43] <Wherewolf> Don't you follow the Under-21s?
[09:43] <Star4Cup> Only if we're winning.
[09:44] <Wherewolf> Typical.
[09:47] <TeHostsRCorrupt> I don't trust those Vilitans.
[09:48] <Wherewolf> Why not?
[09:49] <TeHostsRCorrupt> Well look at their name...Vilitans...Villians. It just screams injustice.
[09:50] <Wherewolf> ...
[09:54] <Wherewolf> I need to find a better chat room.
[09:55] * Disconnected

Liverpool England cruise past Avenging Altos: Colony Cup winners nothing more than 'puppet's, says Sirx

In his first press conference since taking over as Liverpool England manager, Sirx, accompanied by Ha~e Hanglia (Liverpool England Technical Director) said he was 'happy' with the result, which was surprising given that he comes from Abysmalistan. Sirx said, "I am.... how do you say it, happy, with the result, what do you call it, the win. The opposition played ... erm, worst [note: the editor would like to note that in Abysmalistan, the worst you perform, the better] then us.... [note: at this point Ha~e Hangila whispered something in Sirx' ear which we can only guess] I mean, they played better, but they are just a puppet, or.... yes, that's right. A colony."

Liverpool England beat the Altos 3-0 to record their second win in three games to move them up into second place, two points behind leaders Kingsford who have nine points. Tim Dennard, who received an automatic yellow card from the WCC after a rash tackle in the Regia Anglorum match was ignored by the referee, was unavailable as he had picked up a yellow card against Kipto-Mare, but in his place, Joseph Cummings, making his first ever start, managed a relatively good performance with an assist and a goal. Chris Hawkins and Paul Borg scored the other two goals.

Ankh-Morpork C-mail

Solid Bounce-back
But Only Because of Result

The Streetian team keeps on playing their poor, uncreative football, and continue to draw on amazing luck to stay in the qualifying contention. Today's match against Magnus Valerius was no better than the disaster that occurred at Big Pimento, but somehow, Rikki Stone salvaged a victory for the team with his goal 15 minutes into the second half.

The Department of Sport, however, refused to take the criticism, stating that "The team have taken six points from their first three games and are third in the table. It is important to realise that while the point loss at Big Pimento was unfortunate, other teams have struggled as well, and the more important matches where we can grab points off the big guys are still coming up."

The Street definitely need to pick their game up for their next away game against the in-form team, Ebon Hawk, who bounced back from a dismal 1-6 loss at Squornshelous with narrow 1-0 wins against Audioslavia and The Weegies. A third win would likely send the very few Hawk fans into ecstasy, and the team into second or third place - while the Street would be back in the swamp with teams like The Weegies and today's opponent, Magnus Valerius.

Vimesbairn National Stadium:
COCKBILL STREET 2 - 1 MAGNUS VALERIUS
Hammerhock 11 Hohenstauffen 47
Stone 60

Street: Havell 5 - Hammer-fighter 3, Fearinciter 3 (Gunter on 71),
Spearthrower 4, Walker 4 - Hammerhock 4, Sodium-alginate 2 (Aketon on 49
4), Underwood 6 - T Axewielder 3 - Stone 3, Peterson 3 (Stubbings on 66)
Boyars: Nantes 4 - van der Boer 5, L'Evienne 6, Vittorio 5 (Lierkan on
55 4) - Tintagel 7, Gespacho 3, Pappas 2 (de Sackville on 69), Rosenburg
4, Pickering 3 (de Blancmonte on 88) - Hohenstauffen 5, Hapsburg 3
Attendance: 98,491
Booked: Sodium-alginate (Street), Hohenstauffen, L'Evienne (Boyars)

The bookings for the last match against Big Pimento had been missed out -
Scott Walker and Alec Peterson got bookings for the Street, while the
hosts did not experience any bookings.

Crystils back in form

The Crystilakere Crystils returned to their winning ways on matchday three when they came up against Dead Man. The Crystils had hoped for a better performance against one of the poor teams in the group, but will take the three points regardless. Substitute striker Toader Pold scored after coming on at half time to claim the only goal in the game and the Crystils now look to improve in coming games to mount a serious qualification challenge. Europa Brittania fell to Omniworld 3-2 in the only upset in the group. The Belmore Family won an important match against Raptor Claw 3-1 while Tanah Burung easily beat Mikele 3-0. These results leave the Crystils second in the table, only trailing The Belmore Family by three points which will add even greater importance to the matches between the teams. Crystilakere 1-0 Dead Man

---Group 6----
[1] The Belmore Family 3 3 0 0 7-2 9
[2] Crystilakere 3 2 0 1 7-2 6
<3> Tanah Burung 3 2 0 1 5-1 6
<4> Raptor Claw 3 2 0 1 5-5 6
5- Europa Brittania 3 1 0 2 4-5 3
6- Dead Man 3 1 0 2 1-2 3
7- Omniworld 3 1 0 2 3-6 3
8- Mikele 3 0 0 3 1-10 0

Le LIBRE

Strongest performance for New team

The inexperienced Eauz national team came back from a poor performance in Slaikau even though Eauz won. Les Bleus were hoping to open up the offence of their team, and show the home fans, that there is nothing to worry about. Coming back home, Eauz hosted Qia, who has seemed to not perform well in this tough group as they sat at the bottom of the standings.

The whistle blew and Qia started off with the ball. The Qia offence, even though not strong, seemed to put up a tough performance against Les Bleus defence, as they took a few shots on Rousoi. The Eauz fans were surprised that such a weak team was giving Les Bleus defence some trouble. Regaining control of the ball, Rousoi rolled the ball out to one of their defenders, who brought the ball up field for Les Bleus. It was now time for Les Bleus to attack, as an attack during the 22nd minute of play saw Vasser manoeuvring his way towards the net. A quick pass across the centre found Alia who kicked the ball into the top left corner of the net. Les Bleus went up 1 – 0 under a large screaming stadium of fans. The lead though did not stay long, as 6 minutes later, during the 28th minute of play, Qia surprised Les Bleus once again on a corner kick. The ball went wide, but to a Qia player, who kicked the ball to the far side, giving Qia a goal, and making it a 1 – 1 tie. The 1 – 1 tie lasted some time, to the surprise of Eauz fans, who thought their team was ready to collapse seeing them beat a weak team the last time by only a 2 – 0 victory. During the 42nd minute of play though, Gabrielle D'Aubigne got control of the ball near the net, letting the ball go with a strong kick, it was blocked by the keeper, but it was so hard, it went behind the keeper, rolling slowly into the net. Les Bleus went up 2 – 1. Fans were relived to see their team back on top. The first half ended by the 2 – 1 score, and fans were hoping their team would be back with more.

The team did not disappoint as they came out strong from the start of the second half. An early attack by Alia, who brought the ball most of the way up was passed towards Rousseau who ripped the ball, only to go off the top bar. The ball deflected back into play, with the Qia keeper looking to knock it out of play. Fortunately for Les Bleus, Henri was there, heading it out of the air into the net, putting Les Bleus up 3 – 1 during the 46th minute of play. The Qia team, tired from Eauz attacks did not put on many more attacks, until the 88th minute of play, which was easily blocked by Rousoi. Les Bleus would add a final goal on a free kick, which curved around the wall, and into the net by Alia. Eauz finished up the match by a 4 – 1 score. Les Bleus continued their winning, extending it to 3 in a row. After 3 matches, Les Bleus look to be ready for the upcoming tough part of the schedule as they will face off against top teams like Spaam and Melmond, who are also fighting to qualify. Les Bleus will need to be at 100% if they are to have any chance against Spaam in the up coming match. As for the next match, Les Bleus will finish off their easy part of the schedule against Insane Inflation, who have not won a match yet, but looked ok during a match against Spaam, losing 3 – 1. Les Bleus will have to win during this match, and once again in the second half, if they are to have any chance of qualifying for the world cup.


---Group 3----
[1] Spaam 3 3 0 0 13-1 9
[2] Eauz 3 3 0 0 9-1 9
<3> Melmond 3 2 1 0 7-2 7
<4> Oaker 3 1 1 1 4-2 4
5- The Evil Umpire 3 1 0 2 3-7 3
6- Insane Inflation 3 0 1 2 1-6 1
7- Slaikau 3 0 1 2 1-8 1
8- Qia 3 0 0 3 1-12 0


Schedule

Match Day 1: The Evil Umpire @ Eauz W 0 – 3
Match Day 2: Eauz @ Slaikau W 2 – 0
Match Day 3: Qia @ Eauz W 1 – 4
Match Day 4: Eauz @ Insane Inflation
Match Day 5: Spaam @ Eauz
Match Day 6: Eauz @ Oaker
Match Day 7: Melmond @ Eauz
Match Day 8: Eauz @ The Evil Umpire
Match Day 9: Slaikau @ Eauz
Match Day 10: Eauz @ Qia
Match Day 11: Insane Inflation @ Eauz
Match Day 12: Eauz @ Spaam
Match Day 13: Oaker @ Eauz
Match Day 14: Eauz @ Melmond

Pleasing Start For Omniworld
world Cup Match Day 1

Omniworld are making their first appearence in the World Cup and in their first game have
lost to The Belmore Family 2:0 Coach Hoy stated "I think we need to be realistic about our
chances here, we can upset people and maybe make the final shoot-out but this is to be used
as a learning curve for our boys as our side is all under 21 players it is an important
series for the team." The football experts have said that 2:0 was a pleasing score as
Mikele went down 5:0 today.

Omniworld 0 : 2 Belmore Family

Another Loss For Omniworld
World Cup Match Day 2

Omniworld have again lost in the world cup, this time to Tanah Burung, and again 2:0. Hoy
stated that "I won't be making any changes I have said it is an important learning curve
for the boys and they have to work together as a team I am pleased with 2:0 losses as we
are still in touch with the big names." The draw will also start to get easier for the greens
as they start to play sides ranked lower down in the next 2 days.

Omniworld 0 : 2 Tanah Burung

Omniworld Taste Victory
World Cup Match Day 3

Omniworld has celebrated it's first victory in World cup victory after a 3:2 win over Europa
Brittania. The side was however given no time to celebrate as preperations are underway
for the next game against Crystilakere which is seen as a good indication of the teams
progress. Hoy said "I am delited with the win, it was unexpected, this one and we are just
so pleased with our early progress and hoping for a return victory." Goals where scored by
Housden, Dvorak & Peacock with Housden declared Man Of The Match, a reward for consistant
performances throughout the tournament. It has also been seen as a reward for Coach Hoy
and his policy of keeping the team together.

Omniworld 3 : 2 Europa Brittania

EL CID NEWS.
NEWS YOU CAN USE.

sports news

ALL GOOD THINGS...

SNUD NOSE 38: 3(? 25th,38th,74th)
EL CID THE HERO: 1(Terry Nevile 87th min)

The Cid's good luck came to an end this match when Snub Nose 38 secured a 3-1 win over El Cid.

During the Halfassedstates v EL CID game Homer Dent was injured in a tackle on the half way line. His presence was clearly missed in the midfeald as the left flank was exploted time and again

Snub nose struck first in the 25th min with the ball being blasted in from outside the box with David Niemi left wondering "where did that come from".

the second goal came withing the half with a penalty given by James Hunter
for a tackle on a Snub nose attacker that eurned him a yellow card.

the second half began much like the first with Snub nose controling midfield
with El Cid missing a few good chances that could have reblanced the game, but it looked as if Snub nose would have the final word with a goal scored from a free kick in the 74th min.

El Cid however proved themselves worvy of world states by geting a late strike by Terry Nevile pased the keeper at the death to regain some dignaty from this defeat.

"There is still all to play for with the tornement so young", said Chris Skinner afterwards," so there is still all to play for and my team will play on.

Matchday 1:The Eagles Nest v El Cid the Hero W 0-1
Matchday 2:El Cid the Hero v HalfassedstatesW 2-0
Matchday 3:Snub Nose 38 v El Cid the Hero l 3-1
Matchday 4:El Cid the Hero v Svecia
Matchday 5:El Cid the Hero v Northbank
Matchday 6:Esth v El Cid the Hero
Matchday 7:El Cid the Hero v Wapahkoneta
Matchday 8:El Cid the Hero v The Eagles Nest
Matchday 9:Halfassedstates v El Cid the Hero
Matchday 10:El Cid the Hero v Snub Nose 38
Matchday 11:Svecia v El Cid the Hero
Matchday 12:Northbank v El Cid the Hero
Matchday 13:El Cid the Hero v Esth
Matchday 14:Wapahkoneta v El Cid the Hero

---Group 2----
[1] Svecia 3 2 1 0 9-2 7
[2] Snub Nose 38 3 2 1 0 8-3 7
<3> Halfassedstates 3 2 0 1 5-2 6
<4> El Cid the Hero 3 2 0 1 4-3 6
5- The Eagles Nest 3 1 1 1 5-4 4
6- Wapahkoneta 3 0 1 2 2-7 1
7- Esth 3 0 1 2 2-7 1
8- Northbank 3 0 1 2 3-10 1

we now ask how this performance will effect the teams moral. keep reading and see how the team performes.

Jeruselem Government News

Jeruselem lose to Spurland as rookies flattered

Spurland upset Jeruselem 2-0 to upset their applecart in chasing favourites Lovisa and Bedistan Lions. The favourites disposed of the bottom two teams with ease, but Jeruselem was tripped up by Spurland who were far from easybeats. Krytenia didn't like the music as Dance 2 Revolution scored their first win to join Spurland in a day of upsets.

Jeruselem fell back to 4th after being 2nd on the Group 8 table. Captain James Stuart was not worried at the result "We've got some injury worries and 2 players with red card issues. We couldn't really go full out today and Spurland really did mess up our gameplan. If we get some points from the Bedistan and Lovisa games, it should really help us".


Group 8:
Bedistan [5] Carthage and Troy [2]
Lovisa [5] Vorpal Bunnies [0]
Krytenia [1] Dance 2 Revolution [3]
Jeruselem [0] Spurland [2]

---Group 8----
[1] Lovisa 3 3 0 0 10-2 9
[2] Bedistan 3 3 0 0 9-2 9
<3> Krytenia 3 2 0 1 8-4 6
<4> Jeruselem 3 2 0 1 5-3 6
5- Dance 2 Revolution 3 1 0 2 4-5 3
6- Spurland 3 1 0 2 3-4 3
7- Carthage and Troy 3 0 0 3 3-11 0
8- Vorpal Bunnies 3 0 0 3 1-12 0

The Daily Druid

GREAVES RUNS OFF WITH PHYSIO
Björn-Trevor Frederiksson on NEWI Cefn Druids 5 Adrusuvare 1

NEWI Cefn Druids' latest victory, this time against the Starlets of Adrusuvare, has been overshadowed by the fact that joint manager ran away with the team physio after the match, and the pair haven't been seen since. The whereabouts of Greaves and physio Jenny Trevor are completely unknown, though it is thought that the two could be having a fling. Of course, this would be controversial if Greaves was happily married, but he isn't, so all I can say is, "Get in there, Greavesie!!!"

Apart from that, the match was what we seem to have become acustomed to when the Druids play lesser teams nowadays, they score a hatful of goals, let a really crap one in somewhere in between and get the three points. Not that anyone's that bothered, as we're all too interested in the managers' private lives right now. Just for the record, the other Druids manager, Trevor Kallins, is married with three children, and is far too damn sensible to go off with anyone else.

Unfortunately, the down side of this whole episode is that the Druids will play a really defensive formation against the Fish of Kirata in their next match, as Kallins is the ultra-cautious one of the two. Let's hope that Greaves is back in time for the fish, otherwise it could end up a bit dull.

Final Score:
NEWI Cefn Druids 5 [Maddison 14, Law 17, Gessemschmitthaagen-Po 31, 62, Owens 82]
Adrusuvare 1 [Starlet 29]

...AND NOW, THE RESULTS/SCORERS/FIXTURES

Results so far...

Matchday 1: NEWI Cefn Druids 3-1 Kerla
Matchday 2: The Gulf States 1-2 NEWI Cefn Druids
Matchday 3: NEWI Cefn Druids 5-1 Adrusuvare

Top scorers

[4] Trevor Law
[3] Liam Gessemschmitthaagen-Po
[1] Bill Posters
[1] Trevor Maddison
[1] Rhys Owens

...and still to come:

Matchday 4: Kirata v NEWI Cefn Druids
Matchday 5: NEWI Cefn Druids v The Lowland Clans
Matchday 6: Wella v NEWI Cefn Druids
Matchday 7: NEWI Cefn Druids v Lykaia
Matchday 8: Kerla v NEWI Cefn Druids
Matchday 9: NEWI Cefn Druids v The Gulf States
Matchday 10: Adrusuvare v NEWI Cefn Druids
Matchday 11: NEWI Cefn Druids v Kirata
Matchday 12: The Lowland Clans v NEWI Cefn Druids
Matchday 13: NEWI Cefn Druids v Wella
Matchday 14: Lykaia v NEWI Cefn Druids

All home matches to be played at The Hole, Mawr (capacity 89,500)

Top Four All Win on MD3
Starblaydia Keep up their Qualification Charge

The unknown ship was coming up behind them, overhauling their slow-moving military vessel. The Captain of the floundering Starblaydi Naval Warship Blade etended his telescope and took a long look at the vessel approaching them from across the rolling waves.

"What do you think, Mister Di Bradini?" he asked his First Officer, who was also scanning the waves.

"Another AO vessel." He stated simply. "Could be almost amyone."

The Blade was only a small ship, crewed by barely five-and-twenty men. Missing a Main Sail, shot out by A Sarzonian vessel, they were a sitting duck for anyone with half an eye on them as a prize. If this vessel was unfriendly, there was no knowing what might happen. Slowly the mystery vessel gained on them, inch by inch. Captain 'Spike' Martin straightened his uniform, turning to look at the sky as if reading the fickle winds that swirled around his head.

"Make our course West-South-West." he said under his breath.

"Mister Da Silva!" Di Bradini yelled, "Course West-Sou-West"

"Aye, Sir" came the reply from the tall, shaven-headed man at the wheel. Slowly the Blade turned, making another knot from the wind. The ship behind them had not altered its course.

Come on, don't turn. Captain Martin was praying silently for the other ship to pass them by. Shit! The ship was turning to match their course, unfurling more sails to increase their speed further. A dreaded flag was unfurled from the top sail of the pursuing ship. The black flag of the Oceaice Pirates!

"Stop writing this damn RP!" shouted a random passer by, "Master and Commander: The Far Side of the World wasn't that good, y'know!"

Johnny awoke from his slumber with the TV blaring loud at him. After fumlbing in the half-dark for the remote, he muted it, still shielding the light from his eyes.

"Ugh," he said wearily, "at least we won 3-0, but what a strange dream..."


Final Score:
Starblaydia 3 - 0 Oceaice
(Ol-wairain 32, Stark 57, S Di Bradini 86) - (None)

MD01: Starblaydia 6-0 Pure Evil
MD02: Sarzonia 2-1 Starblaydia
MD03: Starblaydia 3-0 Oceaice
NEXT: Liechtenistan Vs Starblaydia


Starblaydi Goal Tally
Player Goals Total Goals
S. Di Bradini 3 16
J.J. Stark 2 4
E. Hall 1 10
A. Ol-wairain 1 6
R. Di Bradini 1 3
C. Salisbury 1 3
S. Hill 1 2


---Group 9----
[1] Iansisle 3 3 0 0 11-4 9
[2] Giant Zucchini 3 3 0 0 8-2 9
<3> Commerce Heights 3 3 0 0 6-1 9
<4> Starblaydia 3 2 0 1 10-2 6
5- Sarzonia 3 1 0 2 2-5 3
6- Oceaice 3 0 0 3 2-7 0
7- Liechtenistan 3 0 0 3 4-10 0
8- Pure Evil 3 0 0 3 1-13 0



Other Starblaydia-related News
Starblaydi Striker Simeone Di Bradini today became his country's top marksman ever today as he slotted the 86th minute goal that sealed Starblaydia's 3-0 win over Oceaice at the Gar-Hallad Stadium. The twenty-seven year-old striker who recently signed for Alan City in a £40M transfer now has sixteen goals for his country, having bagged three in this tournament already. He now eclipses Nikola "Laser" Lazerevski in the Starblaydi Scoring charts.

Rhys Owens, star striker for newly-promoted Alpha Division team Tuncastle Rovers, came off the NEWI CEfn Druid bench to score the fifth goal in their demolition of Adrasuvare, his first International Goal for his country.

T.I. Yen of Phraen Palace also got onto the scoresheets as he scored the consolation goal for the Trillionaires in their 3-1 loss at Spaam.

For Iskara Daii midfielder Tuade Lue, the prospect of being eaten by Pedriana's Evil Giant Spider was too much as he was not played by the Rejistanian coach for fear of him becoming a side-dish.

Nikki Inostraza, the eighteen year-old Turorian at Jhanna United, also came on in Turori's MD2 match against Haperd but the young Striker, heading up a 3-3-4 formation, could not find the equalising goal as Turori went down 2-1.

ASNN - Clans conquer Kirata, mull game against Druids

LONDON, ALLIED STATES - The Clans played newcomers Kirata today in World Cup action, but continue to focus on development for the game against the NEWI Cefn Druids, the groups favorites this cup. The Stars, now rising back to their previous highest ranking of 9th in the world, consider that game to be a test of their abilities to rise above the odds and beat the current 9th ranked team in the world. Once again, this game was marked by excellent play by the newcomers to the World Cup squad, and even shakier play by Jason Fleury.

The game began with a quick surge of Kiratan press, organized by Hube Udine, how was their keeper last game. His speed surprised the defence of the Stars, which was slow to get on his charge. After a challenge from Thomas Quest, the ball bounced up and knocked into Udine's arm, but normally scrupulous was missed by Bedistani ref Devon Parker, and allowed for a knock forward, which Udine followed up by a respectable power shot past a diving Carlos Kotios. The coaching staff from Kirata awarded Udine's goal by benching him for the rest of the game, taking away the only real clear threat to Star dominance of the game. The rest of the team didn't really know how to play the game, often bunching around the ball and making other, rookie mistakes.

This allowed for the Stars to take over, and thirty six minutes in, Peter Bearclaw powered through the Kiratan defence, and blasted a power shot in from just past the penalty dot. The game went into halftime with the Stars holding pretty much every iniative over the Kiratans. Just after the game resumed, Percy Stuart sent Niko Ijas on a run up the middle, where his excellent right foot bounced one of the cross bar, with the rebound picked up by Peter Bearclaw, who put it in for his second goal of the game. Jason Fleury's sloppy play began to show, as he missed several passes when he was wide open, and could often be seen running into coverage for passes and passing it into the middle of a Kiratan swarm.

After a blunder by Fleury that gave the Kiratans a clear shot at the goal which was only saved by a sprawling Rotios, McKay immidiately called for his removal. He sat for the rest of the game on the bench, looking incredibly dejected the time. His depression seemed to touch the entire team, if only slightly. The team seemed to be one step behind on plays. But the Star dominance couldn't be stopped. With just three minutes left to play, Pavel Julios pwered a left foot past the third keeper in the half for Kirata.

TLC Stars 3 - 1 Kirata
Bearclaw 36th, 48th (no Assist; Ijas Assist)
Julios (no Assist)

Schedule - Qualifying
MD1 - The Lowland Clans (Home) vs The Gulf States - W 2-0
MD2 - The Lowland Clans (Away) vs Adrasuvare - W 2-0
MD3 - The Lowland Clans (Home) vs Kirata - W 3-1
MD4 - The Lowland Clans (Away) vs Kerla
MD5 - The Lowland Clans (Away) vs NEWI Cefn Druids
MD6 - The Lowland Clans (Away) vs Lykaia
MD7 - The Lowland Clans (Home) vs Wella
MD8 - The Lowland Clans (Away) vs The Gulf States
MD9 - The Lowland Clans (Home) vs Adrasuvare
MD10 - The Lowland Clans (Away) vs Kirata
MD11 - The Lowland Clans (Home) vs Kerla
MD12 - The Lowland Clans (Home) vs NEWI Cefn Druids
MD13 - The Lowland Clans (Home) vs Lykaia
MD14 - The Lowland Clans (Away) vs Wella

We cant wohlStand it anymore!
Audioslavia scrape through 200th competitive game

The 'slaves national team celebrated their 200th game as a nation by beating the Isles of Wohlstand by three goals to two.

Audioslavia wore their classic shirt of the World Cup 4-6 era http://www.geocities.com/lifeobrien/oldkit.txt pictured here being worn in a friendly between Audioslavia and Tha Machine over fifty years ago http://www.geocities.com/lifeobrien/oldsquad.txt. The team included classic players such as Zach De La Rocha, Tom Morello, Brad Wilk, Tim Commerford and Chris Cornell.

And so Audioslavia kicked off their two-hundredth match in front of 81,250 fans in the Soundgardian National Arena, brimming with confidence from the celebratory atmosphere and the partisan home crowd, but still smarting from the awful one-nil loss to Ebon Hawk the preceding month.

Audioslavia
----------------------------------------------
| 1 |
| Fenwick |
| 20 5 |
| 4 Johnstone Rep 3 |
| Romanov 6 O`Rourke |
| O`Brien |
| 14 11 |
| Marriot 8 Jaynes |
| Tanner |
| 12 9 |
| Ryder Bracken |
| |
----------------------------------------------
| |
| 19 10 9 |
| Kasakova Garnedy Al'Jabber |
| |
| 15 32 7 |
| Gutermann Medicci Mostava |
| |
| 3 4 5 25 |
| Siesta Ferez Farnsworth Betrunker |
| |
| 2 |
| Steiner |
----------------------------------------------
Isles of Wohlstand

The party looked like it was going to proceed as planned when Calem O`Rourke got his boot on the end of a wayward Marriot cross on ten minutes and scooped the ball into the roof of the net from the corner of the six-yard box. Audioslavia kept the pressure up on their Wohlstandian opponents, a team whom they have beaten in both of the two side's previous encounters - both of those matches ending one-nil to the 'slaves.

Late in the second half however, it became apparent that this game was to have no such scoreline. Wohlstand - infinetly more sturdy and skillful a side than the one that had faced Audioslavia eight years previous - began to up the work-rate and began finding inroads into Audioslavia's defence. Kasakova skinned Romanov on the left hand side and whipped a pacey ball into the box behind the defence. Medicci was waiting in the middle and, unchallenge, steered a bullet header past Fenwick who was rooted to the spot.

For the first time since mid-day the Audioslavian faithful were silenced. The Isles of Wohlstand now had their tails up. Garnedy had two more oppotunities to score from crosses before the whistle blew for half-time; not a moment too soon.

Audioslavia started the second half fresh from a rollicking from manager Paul Ward. The side attacked smoothly but to no avail, with Wohlstand bringing back Mostava and Gutermann to form a five-man defence.

The hour mark came with no significant goalscoring oppotunities for Audioslavia and so captain Jens Rep, who had been telling his defence not to venture too far up for fear of a fierce Wohlstand attack, let his two wing-backs enter the fray, with Cole O`Brien moving up to bolster the midfield.

The gamble proved costly, as a mis-placed pass by Didi Romanov was intercepted by Medicci, and Wohlstand counter-attacked.

Mostava and Al'Jabber played the ball off each other down the wing, before Al'Jabber expertly tricked round Rep, dummied the goalkeeper and squared the ball to Kasakova to finish into the empty net for two-one.

Audioslavia were in danger of losing their first home international since Commerce Heights bummed them so in their World Cup 15 qualifying group.

Ward sought to bolster his midfield with two substitutions, first O`Brien gave way to Jodey Tessem the previously un-tried Wallingham midfielder, then right-back Didi Romanov was replaced by Cayle Johansen, more widely regarded as an out-and-out winger. Despite both players being slightly out of position, their attacking credentials brought more efficiency to the front line where earlier they had been using defenders as 'extra bodies' up front. Johansen found himself easily beating a tiring Siesta on the right wing, whilst Tessem's through balls were beginning to worry the Wohlstand defence

The breakthrough finally came seven minutes before time. Johansen got the ball and ran at Siesta with it. Siesta and Ferez both closed him down, but an expert pass to Marriot - in acres of space behind the two out-of-position defenders - saw the other right-winger through on goal. His first shot hit Steiner's legs but Danny Bracken raced in on the loose ball to put it into the empty net.

Once again the 'slave faithful got behind the team and it wasnt long before more shots were reigning down on Steiner. Tessem raked a thirty yard thunderbolt past him to the left, only for the shot to go high and wide, whilst Ryder found himself through on goal only for Steiner to dispossess him with an impressive display of quick thinking and quick feet.

Despite his heroics, the plucky Wohlstand goalkeeper could do nothing to stop his time going behind on the stroke of ninety minutes. Tessem, Marriot and Ryder played off each other in the midfield, Johansen overlapped, whipped the ball in for Bracken who looked like he was going to close his eyes and blast the ball as hard as he could, but at the last moment stepped over the ball leaving it free to run into Aidey Jaynes' path. Jaynes flicked the ball in past the flailing goalkeeper and Audioslavia had saved themselves.


FINAL SCORE

Audioslavia 3-2 Isles of Wohlstand
O`Rourke 9 Medicci 38
Bracken 83 Kasakova 70
Jaynes 90


---Group 4----
[1] Squornshelous 3 3 0 0 11-2 9
[2] Audioslavia 3 2 0 1 6-3 6
<3> Cockbill Street 3 2 0 1 5-4 6
<4> Ebon Hawk 3 2 0 1 3-6 6
5- The Weegies 3 1 0 2 3-2 3
6- Magnus Valerius 3 1 0 2 2-5 3
7- Big Pimento 3 1 0 2 2-6 3
8- Isles Of Wohlstand 3 0 0 3 4-8 0

The result keeps both sides in the same position, Audioslavia holding onto second for dear life and Wohlstand rooted to the bottom.

Squornshelous' impressive start and recent two-nil win over Big Pimento means they stay top on nine points. Audioslavia lead the sides on six points thanks to goal difference and Cockbill Street's leaky defence. Ebon Hawk are the surprise turnout after two victories from three games, beating the 'slaves one nil and most impressively taking The Weegies apart on their own ground.

Weegies lie fifth, ahead of sixth placed Magnus Valerius and seventh placed Big Pimento on goal difference. Although theyre still not out of the running, they'll need to start performing against the weaker teams, as the two sides either side of them in the table have beaten them.

Wohlstand are unlucky not to have at least a point after running both Cockbill Street and Audioslavia close away from home. Their next few games will be against the weaker sides in the group so they will need to capitalise on that if they are to get anywhere near the two playoff places.

I've been Jeremy Jaffacake, g'nite bitches.

Llamas lost in the middle of nowhere

Do you know Hanane kalesa? It was a village in the middle of nowhere, but was abandonned for no apparent reason despite a hope for better life in the city. Before Hanane fled to Jinhes and Mikedi, they had a soccer team: Hanane Lines. The Hanane Lines Pitch does remember proud H8SR-days and not-that-proud H9SR- and H10SR-days. No match of a national team ever took place here until now. The reason to let a match of the Orange-Blues happen in the middle of nowhere was a Giant Evil Spider with the fear-inflicting name Bob. The Pedriana team and the fans had no chance to reach that Hanane by car or train, the main road of Hanane was used as an provisional airport and the few hundred meters, the fans had to go, were secured by much police in bite-proof uniforms. Of course the Pedriana fans outnumbered the fans of the Orange-Blues. Caoch Laxtu Takil, who missed the match due to a flu said to the press: "I don't suffer from Arachnophobia, but if spiders are 3 meters tall... Who has no fear?"

The Orange-Blues did of course not play in their normal formation, one of the top players could be eaten by Bob or one of the Giant Evil Spider fans. The ASR used an innovative method to find a roster for the match: They auctioned the places in a internet auction. No one really could say if the players, who payed real lil'kansu'ny to play as Orange-Blues against the Llamas were crazy, but well, no one asked.

The starters:
GK: Sisa Ili
DF: Hana Sijan
DF: Esti Jajin
DF: Nuna Vut
MF: Kansu Syku
MF: La~ely Mi
MF: Hesi I Iliyi
MF: Jeje Siheratu
FW: Syku Kansu
FW: Lyku Kansu
FW: Isa I Sa

The Pedriana Llamas heard about that idea and let their substitutes play, quite a bad idea against a country which is notorious for the addiction to soccer. All rejistanian players had at least H7SR experience and played surprisingly well despite no experience in this formation. However Pedriana started scoring directly after the kickoff: Svedine'he passed to Bob, who ran in astounding speed upfields and shot with his third left leg the ball past the surprised and scared goalie. The Orange-Blue responded by fierce attacking which was successfull in the 9th minute. Isa I Sa scored the goal after an assist of H4SR player Siheratu'he. During the match, the Orange-Blues played a rather chaotic match where the tactics and player positions ment absolutely nothing, typical H7SR-style, so to speak. For some strange reason, this was too unexpected for the Pedriana team, who apparently thought all rejistani love their 10-0-0 also known as System Karela. This confusion could be used by Mi'he twice and by Lyku Kansu once, but in a quite spectacular way: His shot went through Bob's legs and past goalie Varagona'he. The match ended 4-1.

Fortunately, no violence of Giant Evil Spiders occurred, however, rejistanians rioted in Hetkali afterthe win.

The result:
Rejistania 4 (I Sa 9th, La~ely Mi 27th 59th, L. Kansu 74th)
Pedriana 1 (Bob 1st)

Stars fall flat, 2-0

After the Sarzonian played relatively well in two matches, earning three points out of a possible six, the Stars were badly outclassed, 2-0 against Giant Zucchini.

The 32th ranked team in the world had little trouble slicing through a shaky defense to test goalkeeper Troy Perkins, who was the lone bright spot for the Stars. He made 11 saves on 31 shots, singlehandedly keeping his team in contention until the 89th minute when he couldn't get to a fourth rebound by Daalglsch.

Giant Zucchini dominated the match almost from the opening kickoff, but couldn't dent the net behind Perkins until the 37th minute when Furf blasted a through ball that deflected off defender Lance Alcina, in for an injured William Jackson in the 24th minute. Jackson sprained his medial collateral ligament and will be lost to the Stars for eight to 12 weeks.

Coach Bryan Marshall met with his charges behind closed doors for an hour after the match, and only a few reporters remained in the press room after he finished.

"That was one of the worst displays I've ever seen," a very hoarse Marshall said. "We looked like a team that didn't belong on the international stage. We're going to have to play a hell of a lot better in our next match," he cautioned.

"I told all 10 of our field players, 'you gave me no reason to want you out there for the next match'," he said. "Troy was the only one of the 11 who should be able to look himself in the mirror and know he did his job."

"It only gets tougher from here on out," Perkins said. He was the only one of the Stars who stayed around to answer questions following the match. Midfielder and team captain Bobby Convey refused to talk to reporters.

"We're facing the 14th ranked team in the world (Iansisle). We can't afford to play as poorly as we did today," Perkins said.

Oh Mae God! He's Back

Maeda stuns Krytenia, captaining the D2R comeback

D2R travelled to Krytenia today, who were on hot form coming from 2 wins from 2 games and had no intention of letting D2R, who came from losing both opening games, spoil the run. A trial run of what could be the potential Qualifying Match. Maeda started despite an injury scare in training and Al-Nerah Hekkakekan started ahead of Iytreston Jherylyinsto to make for a more attacking based form of play.

Krytenia started in the way that was expected of them at home, with <9> scoring after only 7'

The rest of the first half was all Krytenia, a lot of which forced Handplant into very good saves.

In the second half there was a complete turnaround as D2R took the offensive. Na Oki came on for Yinto Mayyojokyin and the chase for the first win was on with Na Oki hitting the angle on 50'

6 minutes later, the ball was cleared from the latest D2R attack and the bell fell to Maeda, who hit it into the top corner from the volley, it was the Equaliser.

Krytenia seemed to be burning out after the goal and gave the ball straight to Maeda, who ran through and fired home a second which had the home fans hissing at their own players.

The game continued with D2R playing keep ball in their own half, releasing little stabbing attacks at the Krytenian Defence, none of which troubled much until the last few minutes of normal time...a poked pass wthough the defence managed to make its way to Hentea who lifted the ball over the keeper and into the net. And then it was 3.

Final Score
Krytenia 1(<Number 9> 7')
Dance 2 Revolution 3 (Maeda 56', 57', Thuerry Hentea 87')

THE CELESTIA TIMES
~------------------Sports News------------------~


Super beginning,awful ending:
The Eagles Nest:
A wonderful start help our boys score the first goal,but it was not necessary to win the match and to stop the strong Eagles Nest attack.
"there's still something not working here,we need to improve our tactics,our players tendto make often mass attacks leaving our half field un-defended;sure,our adversarie wasn't an easy one but we must stop making this kind of mistakes" comments Esth's team coach after the 3-1 loss.


The Eagles Nest 3 - 1 Esth

Goals:
(10' Su) Esth
(21' Secour) The Eagles Nest
(35' Strong) The Eagles Nest
(42' Horace) The Eagles Nest

Cards: none

Esth's Formation: 3-5-2 formation

(1)Wolhfgang

(3)Kasperskas-----(14)Gendarmerie-----(25)Vega

(6)Smikovski-----(8)Bourikas-----(32)Lancione-----(72)Lodrap-----(27)Shifman

(34)Su-----(15)Discroll

The Eagles Nest's Formation: 4-2-4 formation

(1)Gregor


(2)Halker-----(3)Somia-----(4)Holst-----(5)Sedour

(6)Horace-----(7)Graerstiow

(8)Secour-----(9)Strong-----(10)Grotunia-----(11)Creeker

The Weegie Star - Sport Report

Magnus Valerius - 1 (Hapsburg pen 74)
The Weegies - 0

HOT: The Boyar defence - solid as a rock, preventing the Weegie side from getting a lot of openings
NOT: Missing the target - the Islanders got to the goal on a few occasions, then failed to deliver.

The curse of the Boyars struck again against the Islander side, with another solid performance from the Magnus Valerius side, coupled with a penalty, denying the Weegies any points at all. Luckily for us, most other teams suffered severe upsets - including Cockbill Street against unranked Big Pimento - meaning this, although not welcome, is forgiveable.

The Boyars stuck in defensively to start, and the Weegies could be forgiven for not scoring any goals in the first half hour or so - the Boyars' defence was as solid as a rock, the Boyars' back line moving as a cohesive unit to deny the Islanders of their most tactical and useful asset; the sheer pace of our wingers. McDonald was restrained in this match in a way that he wasn't in the Dear Green Place against Big Pimento, the Boyar defence making sure to keep both him, and Larsson, under wraps to prevent them from giving the strikers a good opening. And they did this well, tackling with a skill and flair to prevent our side from gaining vital chances. But this couldn't last, and when a chance came, it came from the more neglected midfield - Boyd, who started this time, made his way through the centre of the defence, to swing it low to an oncoming Rourke. But he swung it way over, almost into orbit; a good chance really wasted.

It happened a couple of times again, slight defensive errors giving the Weegies a chance, the midfield capitalising but the attack woefully out of step. Indeed, the last couple of minutes in the first half was a complete shambles, with three Weegie players trying to scramble the ball into the net, but a series of bad shots just saving the Magnus Valerius side. To be fair, it was much the same up our end, and neither side seemed likely to break this most infuriating of deadlocks.

The second half was another frustration, compounded by the fact that early on a collision between Boyd and a Boyar ended with Boyd being carried off the field for a twisted ankle - it's expected he'll be out for the next two matches. More frustration followed, with more chances not taken or missed, throughout the half, until Boyar Hapsburg, dangerously attacking in the Weegie area, was brought down by goalkeeper Eriksson; or at least, that's what was decided by the referee. Islander's Army members had a different view, calling both the referee and the unfortunate Hapsburg various things that really shouldn't be repeated. Eriksson was sent off - still a trifle harsh, in my view, although the penalty was deserved - and Hapsburg converted the penalty against teenager Harris to gain all three points for the Boyar side.

"Ah don't know why we keep losin tae thay Boyars." said die-hard Weegie fan Lucas Fletcher, shivering slightly in Magnus Valerius after the match, swigging from a hipflask at the time. "We know we're better. But stuff seems tae conspire against us, and make us worse aff. Ah think it's tae dae wi' the weather. Crap, so it is. Ach, well, ah guess we'll just hae tae see what goes oan wi' Ebon Hawk. Here's hopin' we scunner they lot."

Eriksson, McCarg, Fulton, Fulton, Urquhart, McDonald, Boyd (Thompson 47), McCann, Larsson, Lindau, Rourke (Harris 74)

VILÄMNA DAGENS NYHETER

THE SVECIAN ACROBAT
Simão's two headers please crowd, manager

Svecia 2 Wapahkoneta 0

VILÄMNA, Svecia - Joël Simão proved he belonged on the field with men 10 years older than him. His dribbling technique confused the heck out of the Wapahkonet defense, and his incredible field sense proved irreplacable as he headed in two poor crosses to give Svecia a home victory.

In the 5th minute already, Simão made his mark as he sent in a low screamer that just grazed the wrong side of the post.

Five minutes later, Hanan Belagt attempted to volley the ball on goal in the penalty area from Mikael Solskjaer's corner, but was pulled down in his attempt. The linesman signaled for a foul, but the referee waved the flag down as the crowd booed and whistled heartily and the ball was taken back up field by the opposing team.

But as fans chanted "cheater's proof", midfielder Martin Kliever brough the ball down the left side of the field 3 minutes later before sending Belagt through to the corner flag. Belagt attempted to cross but was ferociously barrelled over by the defender. Again the crowd went nuts, but the referee signalled shoulder charge and the ball sailed well over the waiting Mikael Solakjaer. And then Simão came diving out of nowhere, and parallel to the ground, got off a header that hit the top corner of the goal leaving everyone in the stadium stunned. The crowd didn't explode for what seemed like an eternity, but in reality was only about 3 seconds, after the ball hit the net. Simão just calmly rolled to cushion his fall, got the ball out of the net, and cheerfully jogged back to midfield.

In the 64th minute, defender Tomas Kristiansand drove a shot in that banged off the upright. The ball deflected off a defender out for a corner. Solskjaer took the corner, and this time Simão went up for the header with a defender pulling on his shirt. Somehow, though, Simão still lofted himself above everyone, and leaned OVER another defender in the air to plant the ball into the net. Again the crowd booed for a penalty until they realized that the ball had gone into the net. After that, Simão's name was chanted for a full 10 minutes after the goal, until he was taken out in the 75th minute to a standing ovation.

Svecia's next home match isn't until matchday 7. But already the game is sold out, and Simão's #9 jersey is also sold out from the SVB website. Apparently there will be a large number of fans for this kid in the near future.

Oaker Sharks

Stadium: Pinealla International Stadium

Roster:

Carrin Oaker (GK), Torry Oaker (GK), Stef Oaker (D), Gray Oaker (D), Mitel Oaker (D), Lenny Oaker (D), Tabby Oaker (D), Scott Oaker (M) Freddy Oaker (M), Sport Oaker (M), Venus Oaker (M), Arthin Oaker (M), Kelvin Oaker (M), Raven Oaker (M), Flash Oaker (F), Tip Oaker (F), Cats Oaker (F), Pond Oaker (F)


Oaker 0 Insane Inflation 0

This dissapointing match saw the Sharks fall a step behind the top teams in the group by failing to score in the Fortuna Reichsmarkia Stadium against the Insane Inflation Trillionaires. The Oaker Fans reportedly outnumbered the local Insane Inflation fans but could not capitalize on their efforts. Druida referee Trevor Munro never let the game build up as he blew his whistle every time someone so much as lost stride with an opposing player around them, especially when it was a call against Oaker. The sharks outplayed their opponents but had to settle for one point.

Oaker 1 The Evil Umpire 2

The Sharks continued their poor run against The Evil Umpire, being outplayed by a weaker team. Some late substitutions for Oaker showed that they seem to have worked out what is wrong as young Raven Oaker made his debut and was very impressive, setting up Flash Oaker's 85th minute goal. The Sharks continued to threaten and Pond Oaker shot just wide of the net but the referee, who was Jutaoi Linuao from Vilita, blew the final whistle. Luckily for Oaker, Linuao did not accept the bribes from The Evil Umpire, sparing the lives of the Oaker players and allowing them to keep on playing in the world cup.


Headlines
The nation of Qia is slowly recovering from it's fight with foaker fever, and now look to be able to continue for the rest of the cup. Extra officials will be brought in for the next Oaker-Qia match to control the spread. Foaker fever has already claimed the nation of Brazillico, and officials have been sent to Qia to prevent them from suffering the same fate. If you feel you or anyone in your nation has caught foaker fever, you are advised to stay away from Melmond. It is believed that anyone in Melmond with foaker fever will be burned in a hay stack.

The Real-Life Flash Oaker is still competing on the new local reality show "Oaker Stars take a Bath" where local celebrities are all thrown naked into a hot tub, and longer they last in the tub, the more objects will be thrown into the tub, from flying fish to purple skin die, which does not wash off, but does wear off after approximately 5 weeks of natural exposure. The last celebrity in the tub wins Ox/10.000.000 for a charity of their choice. The show will resume shortly after a brief stoppage.


Thats all from Oaker today, tune in tomorrow for a report on the next match!

The Reichsmarkia Times
Price: 50% more than yesterday

Rage against the machine
The Trillionaires lost 1:3 against the Spaam national team. The match in the Spaam National Stadium was another indication how strange international soccer matches sometimes can be: The gigantic stadium was not even half sold out, instead of the possible 300,000 fans, only about 30,000 wanted to see the match. Among the fans was a remarkable Insanian delegation, not just remarkable for their existence, but for their high number: it was the first time, more than 15 fans could afford the trip abroad. Like every time, the manager gave the officials some Reichsmarkia Times editions, in which the Trillionaires were mentioned. These newspapers are needed as input for the RP-bonus machine. No one of the Trillionaires knew, that the RP-bonus machine would favor the them because the entire Spaamian press was and still is on strike indefinately because workers demand a (dear readers, don't laugh) 5% wage rise due to the Spaamian inflation during the last years.

The match started with extreme Spaamian dominance. The defense was not prepared for such a series fierce attacks, which increased the Spaamian score to 3:0 within the first 15 minutes. Suddently, a noise was heard, a humming, quiet at first, but increasing its volume to a defeaning level. The match stopped since everyone was covering their ears. Stadium technicans found the reason for the noise: The RP-bonus machine was malfunctioning because Someone apparently forgot to insert the so called 'RPs', i.e.: the articles of The Reichsmarkia Times. Alan Someone later tried the lame excuse that he was not sure if the quality of the paper on which The Reichsmarkia Times was printed was acceptable for the complex machine. No input at all was not acceptable for the machine, due to the complexity of it. After the Reichsmarkia Times articles were inserted, the noise stopped and the match could continue. Suddently the RP-bonus machine was working and that could be seen during the match: The Trillionaires were now no longer outplayed by the Spaamians and had some good chances to attack. In the 84th minute, T.I. Yen scored the consolation goal by a header which reminded Spaamians of Nala Eromleb. The Trillionaires now hope that the RP-bonus machine in the FC/Fortuna Reichsmarkia Stadium will be operated properly.

Rejistania gives Llamas thorough drubbing

Even though the recent World Cup qualifying match was played in Rejistania, Pedrian fans were the majority due to what most experts believe is "arachnophobia" on the part of the Rejistanians. This fear, they say, is why the match didn't take place at a normal location like Sen-La-Sa~o Relekhati Stadium or some similar venue but instead at the abandoned pitch of former H8SR club Hanane Lines. Even stranger, the Orange-Blues' lineup was determined by eBay auction. Manager/coach Olé Retaguma also let Pedriana's substitutes play, using the justification that "even Rejistania's backup players will kick our slani asses. Might as well let the lesser used guys get to play." Only two players from the usual starting lineup played in Hanane today: striker Sol Svedine and all-around player Bob the Giant Evil Spider. About a dozen of Bob's friends were in the stands, further scaring the daylights out of those Rejistanians who had decided to attend. Opposing goalkeeper Sisa Ili was a bit scared at the outset, allowing Svedine to pass to Bob, who easily scored the first goal of the match less than a minute in, but it was total Rejis domination afterward. As usual, Retaguma was happy with his team's performance despite the relatively large loss. "We didn't totally collapse, at least," he reasoned.

Final score:
Rejistania 4 (I Sa 9; La~ely Mi 27, 59; L. Kansu 74)
Pedriana 1 (Bob 1)

Squornshelous Opens up Qualifying with a Trio of Wins

Full RP's on each match to come later.

http://www.dirt-racing.com/3wide/sites/vilita/vn/tn/logo.gif

Turori [0]-[1] Eystrck
GO- Turori: : : None
ALS Eystrck: : : Vanning 67



Almintora National Stadium, Almintora, Turori
----------------------------------------


-------------------The Turori Eels braced for their first meeting with close allies the Eystrck Force in one of the most talked about matchups in all of the North-Eastern Vilitan Cove. The Almintora National Stadium was filled beyond capacity with fans from the two nations, although no segregation existed between them. The two fans stood side by side as the players entered the pitch, each cheering equally for their opposite number. Turori were wearing their new Dark Brown kit, while Eystrck were in their traditional Blue and Red. There was a ceremony before the match recognizing the two nations performances in the Eagle's Cup, where both made it to the Semi-Final stage, with the Eels eventually coming out as champions. The Force had to overcome allies and Turorian controllers Vilita, signalling the first time in competition that the leader of the allied Trio had failed to finish higher than either, or both of it's partners. The team coaches, Gisterfred Q. Disterfred of Turori and Jarod Rector of Eystrck, and each was surprised to receive an award, awarded by the Vilitan Government in recognition for Outstanding Achievement in the furtherment of Sport in the two relatively new nations. The managers accepted the awards, and the two teams gathered together, Turorian along side Eystrck, for a commerative photo of the occasion.

-------------------When the field was cleared, Referee Amy Segora from the Eagles Nest got the match underway, and the history books opened up for the two developing nations. Eystrck started the match in an a more attacking 3-4-3 formation, in an attempt to give themselves an advantage over Turori's 4-4-2 formation. The Eels could not immediately control the Force, as Megna Redding got the excitement started with a 10th minute effort that Milaou Slietah could only put behind for a corner kick to the Force. Eystrck's Turon Simone took the corner but it failed to find an attacker in the area. The Eels got their first shot of the half off when Akamoari Liano was sent free by Cuolia Tuirma but could only find the side netting with his angled shot.

-------------------Turori suffered a blow 35 minutes in when goalkeeper Slietah went down when contesting Ettle Ramos inside the box. Referee Segora immediately stopped play with Slietah in notable discomfort, and it was determined that the Turorian Ever-Present would be unable to continue, handing Starblaydi-based Jarod Dreka his first ever international appearance for the Eels. When play resumed, Turori looked to have taken the lead through Jualiar Vumaou, but Segora was quick to call the play back for a foul against Eystrck Defender Teriaki Chu. Tuirma would get the last chance of the half, with his 30 yard wonder strike scraping the top of the crossbar with the last kick.

-------------------The second half resumed much like the first, with both sides having early chances to break the deadlock. Redding again had a go for Eystrck, after Dreka, who looked unsettled in goal, spilled an easy lob from Jamaia Ayinde. Luckily Druida based Martika Ecspo intervened at the last second to clear the ball off the line. Ecspo then got involved on the other end of the field when he rose highest to meet with Tuirma's corner, only to watch agonizingly as the ball careemed off the crossbar, before being cleared by Risque Business for an Eels throw. Eystrck made their first substitution an hour in, introducing Bubba James on the right. James' fresh legs helped Eystrck earn a deep throw in, which James himself took, feeding it short to Turon Simone. Simone then saw Istro Vanning on a storming run, and played a perfect ball which Vanning made no mistake on the first effort, sending it rifiling passed Dreka to give the Force the 1-0 lead.

-------------------Disterfred immediately made two substitutions, inserting Kaboafo Iobabao and Nikki Inostraza to pressure Dave Hustil in the Eystrck net. Jualiar Vumaou fell back into a midfield role, seeing the Eels in a 4-3-3 with Liano, Iobabao and Inostraza up front. Iobaobo looked the strongest of the three, pressing his claim for a starting spot in the Turori lineup, but the elusive equalizer would not come, Iobaobo being unable to tame his shots seeing 4 sail wide, 2 over the bar and a further 2 being collected by Hustil, preserving the Force's lead. The Eels remained on the attack, constantly pressuring the Eystrck backline and pestering the Eystrck goal with shots, but time ran out without an equalizer, and now the Eels find themselves level for 4th in the table, 6 points out of 3rd after just 3 matches. Rejistania, Gesamtkuntswerk and One Red Dot all sit on 9 points, with Turori, Haperd and Eystrck fighting for the final playoff spot with 3 points. Pedriana and Ravea have yet to record their first points of the competition.



Referee: Amy Segora [The Eagles Nest]



Turori Eels (4-4-2) ::
[GK] Milauo Slietah, [D] Linoi Niabula, [D] Marlian Hunial, [D] Martika Ecspo, [D] Kiatin Likao [M] Tika Poloni, [M] Malaino Mumamba, [M] Yabaiy Tbaiao, [M] Cuolia Tuirma, [F] Jualiar Vumaou, [F] Akamoari Liano
BENCH::
[GK] Jarod Dreka, [D] Maratima Tareak, [DM] Ugo Doohan, [U] Rikko Ambama, [M] Mika Sakatorra [F] Nikki Inostraza, [F] Kaboafo Iobabao


----------------------------------------
RESULTS AND OTHER INFORMATION
----------------------------------------


All Turori Home matches to be at:: Almintora National Stadium, Almintora, Turori (Unless Otherwise Noted)

Turori::[6-0]-Ravea
Turori::[1-2]@Haperd
Turori::[0-1]-Eystrck
Turori::[X-X]@Pedriana
Turori::[X-X]@One Red Dot
Turori::[X-X]-Gesamtkuntswerk
Turori::[X-X]@Rejistania
Turori::[X-X]@Ravea
Turori::[X-X]-Haperd
Turori::[X-X]@Eystrck
Turori::[X-X]-Pedriana
Turori::[X-X]-One Red Dot
Turori::[X-X]@Gesamtkuntswerk
Turori::[X-X]-Rejistania



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Ao1b(8 ............... OouYvaiVYaqkBWjwIIOB ............. 001092019726X9

THE HERALD SPORTS DIGEST

Papa Hates Mambo

KRYTENIA'S qualification hopes were hit hard as they were knocked back three-one in Westleigh. Opponents Dance 2 Revolution were too strong on the day, and the Celestials now slip to third in the table.

It started well for Krytenia, Ari Smith nodding home a Chris Lydersen cross on seven minutes. Krytenia continued to press in the first half, and only a string of good saves from D2R goalkeeper Handplant preventing a rout.

Unfortunately, the Celestials simply weren't up for it after the break. A close shave from Na Oki was a warning the home side didn't take, and it was no surprise that an equaliser followed a few minutes later. Krytenia have never been strong against long balls, and such a play saw Maeda beat the offside trap and slot home on fifty-six minutes.

The goal somewhat shocked the Celestials' defence, and less than sixty seconds later, Dance 2 Revolution took the lead through another Maeda goal. This time, he was helped out by a wayward pass from Harry Van Vossen, which was intercepted by the D2R striker who obliged by thumping the ball past Vernazza and into the net. Thuerry Hentea added a third three minutes from the end to complete the rout.

KRYTENIA - 1
Smith 7

DANCE 2 REVOLUTION - 3
Maeda 56, 57, Hentea 87

SCORERS:
Colin ULVÆUS - 3
Ari SMITH - 2
Ryan CAREW - 1
Acienko RIMMER - 1
Stephen XOUSA - 1

H v Carthage & Troy W 3-0 (Ulvaeus, Carew, Rimmer)
A v Vorpal Bunnies W 4-1 (Ulvaeus 2, Xousa, Smith)
H v Dance 2 Revolution L 1-3 (Smith)
A v Spurland
H v Jeruselem
H v Bedistan
A v Lovisa
A v Carthage & Troy
H v Vorpal Bunnies
A v Dance 2 Revolution
H v Spurland
A v Jeruselem
A v Bedistan
H v Lovisa

Matchday 4 Scores Posted:

SCORES THREAD (http://forums2.jolt.co.uk/showthread.php?t=356281)

((crap! Thought I’d have this out before the update. Instead I had no RP bonus and lost to Sarzonia! :(

...serves me right, I guess. I’ll try to be more punctual.))

Ians Win Three Before Apathetic Public
Crowd at the Westergate Footballing Grounds hardly breaks 12,000 in last game

WESTERGATE, Iansisle -- Although the Footballing Grounds were completely sold out on opening day, with an amazing 32,155 people packed into the stadium and many more on the streets, attendance saw a dramatic decline for Iansisle’s 4-0 win over Pure Evil.

Experts blame the dramatic decline on a certain amount of apathy creeping into Iansislean football fans.

“I mean, we’re just steamrollering over people,” said one fan who attended the Pure Evil match. “There was a bit of excitement in beating Liechtenstein, but we’re ranked 14th in the world. I suppose you have a certain amount of arrogance at that point.”

Certainly, being one of the worlds top twenty teams - and the accompanying sense of hubris - is something new to Iansisle. Previously, not one single Ians team had been ranked higher than thirty.

“I almost think,” said head coach John Copplestone, “that there’s a certain amount of apathy we’re going to have to break through. People assume that because we’re doing so well, we’ll continue to do so without them. No. We feed off the emotions of the crowd; they’re there to root us on and make sure we don’t stumble.”

The dismal attendance figures were also blamed on the fact that a Gulls game was being broadcast at the time. The Gulls are also a world-rate team, and the only international side from Iansisle that’s ever made it to a championship game.

“I think there’s enough people in Iansisle to support two teams, for crying out loud,” said Copplestone. “What’s going on here is that the Ians just need to break their fans’ apathy. A huge win, like that over Pure Evil, doesn’t really help.” He laughed. “Not, of course, that I’d prefer a loss! Just an exciting game - in which we win - to remind people there’s a reason to watch the Ians!”

-------

The End of Innocence?
Stars shock Ians; win by a goal as Lyon comes up punchless

Sarzonia -- Just two days ago, Coach Copplestone warned that a “comeuppance” might be in the cards unless the Ians could break their superiority complex.

He was right.

“There’s absolutely no excuse for what happened here tonight,” he said, sweeping disgusted eyes around the press room. “No excuse. Sarzonia is a good team, but we shouldn’t - we can’t - let them surprise us like that. I’ve been warning the players - and the fans - for some time now against apathy and coasting, and look what happened. Look what happened.”

The Ians played a sloppy match, through and through. They let Brian Lyon be mobbed by defenders, but didn’t manage to pass the ball elsewhere. The defense looked sluggish and Nielsen was positively horrid in net.

The Stars, on the other hand, were on top of their game. A brilliant drive in the 46th minute by [letting Sarzonia pick his own goal scorer] left the defense bewildered and out of position, and [the player] absolutely fooled Nielsen.

“I know we’re a better team than we let show today,” said Tom Ravenhill, who kicked one of the few shots that the Ians managed to scrape today. “One setback, and we fell apart. The Sarzonian defense is solid, but we should have been able to score at least one goal. Don’t get me wrong; I blame myself as much as anyone. But we’ve simply got to try harder.”

Iansisle will be taking on top-ranked Commerce Heights on the road in their next game.

“This is the tenth best side in the world,” said Ravenhill. “We can’t afford to make a single slip up, much less the amount we made today. But I know we can do it - let’s have a ‘hurrah the Ians!’ Come on!”

A halfhearted cheer answered Ravenhill, and he made the gathered reporters repeat it until he felt that the proper intensity level had been achieved. But he couldn’t alter the glum feelings which prevailed.

Iansisle has a particularly hard time on road games, mostly because the Ians fans are by and large too miserly to follow the team out of country - or, indeed, to even make it down to the footballing grounds for sixty five ken.

Be sure to listen to the Ians game on National Radio, 101.9. The Ians need your help!

Aquiliana just on the brink after 4 days
An up-and-down series to say the least

After a 5-0 thrashing at the hands of Kingsford, the Falcons hosted Turnia at Cärnirässe National Field. Evidently, Coach Rob's strategy of starting the experienced, offensive-minded Excipelo in goal worked. Cuniculus scored a PK in the first half and Flögel sent a nice cross over to Haesit, which, coupled with Excipelo's 4 great saves, led the Falcons to a 2-0 victory.

But the team then had to travel to Liverpool England. Carbasus' lone goal at the end of the first couldn't stop the assault by Liverpool's skilled forwards, and the Falcons lost 5-1.

"We just happened to get the 4 best teams scheduled right in a row," said Coach Ed. "1-1-2 isn't so bad, considering no 'experts' viewed us as any sort of threat."

But even the easy part of the schedule isn't a cake walk. Aquiliana will next host the Avenging Altos, ranked 12 slots ahead of them. But Coach Rob is optimistic.

"They may be ranked higher, but that hasn't seemed to help them so far," he said, referring to the Altos' group-bottom status. "They're only scoring half a goal a game. At least we've got one per."

The Falcons are then heavy favorites over Regia Anglorum and Kipto-Mare before the halfway point. If they can pick up a couple of wins, Aquiliana just might find themselves fighting for a playoff spot.

The Trojan Times - Wenger Finally finds his striker

After Carthage and Troy were battered in their first World Cup game 3-0 by Krytenia, it was clear to all that Aenas Laomoden the 'Trojan Horse' was no longer a force to be reckoned with up front. The AC Troy veteran was slow and ineffective in the first game.

Therefore, it was up to the Laomoden's protege, the Sicilian born Gino Janucci to fill his shoes in the next game against Lovisa. In his opening world cup game he was able to get on the score sheet with a well placed shot into the bottom left hand corner after dribbling past 2 defenders. As he ran to the corner flag in triumphant celebration, the crowd was euphoric. Even though Carthage and Troy lost the game 3-1, there was a general feeling that at least we had found a striker who could perform at the international level.

However, this feeling of Euphoria was short-lived. In the next game against Bedistan, Janucci was pathetic. He hogged the ball, he tried to many silly tricks, and his shots were totally inaccurate. At one point he was able to dribble past 3 of the Bedistan defenders, but instead of taking his chance at a shot, he hesitated then tried to dribble past the goalkeeper, to no avail. It was up to Salicar Savioli and Hamilax Astegal to put Carthage and Troy on the score sheet. Both were good goals, Hamilax scored from a 23 meter free kick perfectly placed in the top right corner. Whilst Salicar Savioli's goal was a header from a beautifully positioned cross from Quim Cardona. However, the defending was atrocious, both of the wing backs, Hamilax Astegal and Haggith Abimiki neglected the defensive duties and were partly to blame for Carthage and Troy conceding 5 goals! Thus the game ended 5-2.

At this point many of the Carthage and Troy fans were demanding that Wenger give the 17 year old star striker from Altetica-Utica, Dani Garcia a chance to show his abilities, especially those fans from Utica who had been watching his performance with glee throughout the domestic league.

So in the last game, at half time, as Carthage and Troy were down 2-0 to Jerusalem, and the fans were practically booing poor Janucci off the field, Wenger gave Dani Garcia his chance. Garcia did not waist any time, by the 55th minute, he had already put Carthage and Troy on the score sheet. Then in the 67th minute, as Quim Cardona crossed the ball in from the left corner flag, Dani Garcia managed to get onto the end of the ball with a left footed backwards bicycle kick volley into the back of the net to equalize with Jerusalem 2-2. However in the 76th minute, Haggith Abimiki's poorly timed challenge on a Jerusalem Striker in the box got him sent off and awarded a penalty to Jerusalem. The fans were outraged by the refs decision, but the replay clearly showed that Abimiki the Desert Fox deserved his sending off. Carthage and Troy were forced to try to come back from a 1 goal deficit with just 10 men. They had a couple of near misses, from both Dani Garcia and Salicar Savioli, but the Jerusalem goal keeper kept strong and Carthage and Troy's hopes of winning their first World Cup game were shattered.

Revised from earlier post:

Squornshelous Opens Qualifying with a Quartet of Wins!

11th ranked Pschychoes Lead Their Group


Pschychoes Win Opener in Style
Squornshelous opened up their World Cup 17 run with a 6-1 face-smashing of relatively unknown Ebon Hawk. This one was a blowout from the start, when Xavier Keiths scored on a 4th minute corner kick, following a shot by forward Igor Raskolnikov that went over the bar. Darryl Hicks sent the corner soaring in to the far corner of the 6 meter box, where Keiths met it with his forehead, sending it in past a sprawling goalkeeper. Things went from bad to worse for Ebon Hawk when Raskolnikov broke away in the 21st after a long clearance by defenseman Travis Delmore. This time, his shot went right into the top left corner: 2 to nil Pschychoes. This trend continued throughout the first half, with goals by Squornshelous in the 34th, 38th and 42nd minutes, scored by striker Rodolfo Puente, first year midfielder Bjorn Arnesson, and Raskolnikov respectively. Ebon Hawk came out with a new attitude in the second half, surprising Squornshelous with a 48th minute goal that left Carlos del Rio Perez standing. However, this comeback swing was quickly put down by a 55th minute goal, which completed Rskolnikov's hat trick.

Final Score:
Squornshelous 6-1 Ebon Hawk

Scoring Summary:
SQ: Keiths [4]
SQ: Raskolnikov [21]
SQ: Puente [34]
SQ: Arnesson [38]
SQ: Raskolnikov [42]
EH: (player) [48]
SQ: Raskolnikov [55]

Wohlstandis Dismantled
The Pschychoes posted another win in match two against a team from The Isles of Wohlstand. The match opened on a worrying note for the Pschychoes, with Wohlstand scoring an early 15th minute goal by Yuri Kasakova on a direct kick from just outside the box. However, they were able to rebound enough to run the last 20 minutes of the game on cruise control. Squornshelous tied the match in the 26th with another breakaway goal by Raskolnikov, his fourth of the tournament, and went ahead in the 39th when Rodolfo Puente caught Steiner leaning the wrong way on a shot from about 25 meters out. Puente had faked a lob pass to Bjorn Arnesson, who was at the corner of the 18 meter box, but instead fired a shot toward the oppostie side of the net. All the keeper could do was watch as the ball hit the back of the net. The match then got close for a while, with both sides failing to connect on some excelent chnaces, including fivbe corner kicks, two for Squornshelous, three for Wohlstand. In the end, Squornshelous put the insurance goal in during the 68th minute. Arnesson found a shockingly wide open Keiths sprinting down the sideline, and fired a pass that hit him perfectly in stride, Keiths then took a shot that went back across Steiner and went in off the opposite post.

Final Score:
Squornshelous 3-1 Isles of Wohlstand

Scoring Summary:
IW: Kasakova [15]
SQ: Raskolnikov [26]
SQ: Puente [39]
SQ: Keiths [68]

First Shutout, Perez Ecstatic
In Squornshelous' third game of World Cup 17, new goalkeeper Carlos del Rio Perez recorded his first international level shutout. After the game, he spoke with a reporter. "I just so excited, hopefully I can have some more of these and you won't have to change your headline to 'only shutout'." Both goals were scored by the amazing Igor Raskolnikov, who is being describe in Squornshelous as "The Fastest Man in Football". His ability to break past defenders is nothing short of incredible, and it will be interesting to see how he performs now that so much attention is bound to be paid him by opposing teams.

Final Score:
Squornshelous 2-0 Big Pimento

Scoring Summary:
SQ: Raskolnikov [27]
SQ: Raskolnikov [53]

Pschychoes Notch Another Win, On to the Hard Part
Squornshelous defeated Magnus Valerius, a team we've met before, and finished the easy part of this half of Qualifying. "A lot of people have noted that our group seems to be divided into the the best and the rest," observed head coach James Naylor, "We've just finished with the rest, and now we've gotta deal with the best." In fact, Squornshelous next game is group favorites Audioslavia, who have been a sort of archenemy for the Pschychoes since our inaugural game. Igor Raskolnikov was impressive as always, scoring the first goal in the 13th and assisting on Rodolfo Puente's 51st minute goal which put the Pschychoes up again, after Edouard Niche put one in for the Boyars on a 43rd minute corner kick. Puente struck again to put the icing on the cake in the 88th when he reieved a pass from Raskolnikov, who had broken away down the sideline, but had a bad angle to shoot at. Puente fired the ball on the volley, and beat Charles Timophilos, who had been expecting Raskolnikov to shoot it himself.

Final Score:
Squornshelous 3-1 Magnus Valerius

Scoring Summary:
SQ: Raskolnikov [13]
MV: Niche [43]
SQ: Puente [51]
SQ: Puente [88]


Squornshelous' Scorers:
Raskolnikov: 7
Puente: 4
Keiths: 2
Arnesson: 1

Coming Up:
Squornshelous' next game is against Audioslavia, a perennial threat to win, who are coming off a strong performance in WC 16. Although these two teams have not played often, there is a mutual feeling of respect, and both teams have a strong desire to win this game. As much as they'd like to put it behind them, we're sure the 'Slaves will never forget the first game of qualifying of World Cup 5. Likewise, the 5-4 loss to Audioslavia in extra time in the World Cup 12 quarterfinal is still fresh in the minds of Squornshelan fans a players. Both meetings in this qualifying round should be good, well played football matches on both sides, and will more than likely decide the winner of the group.

Squornshelous' Qualifying Schedule:
Wins Losses Draws
MD01: Squornshelous 6-1 Ebon Hawk
MD02: Isles of Wohlstand 1-3 Squornshelous
MD03: Squornshelous 2-0 Big Pimento
MD04: Magnus Valerius 1-3 Squornshelous
MD05: Audioslavia v Squornshelous
MD06: The Weegies v Squornshelous
MD07: Squornshelous v Cockbill Street
MD08: Ebon Hawk v Squornshelous
MD09: Squornshelous v Isles of Wohlstand
MD10: Big Pimento v Squornshelous
MD11: Squornshelous v Magunus Valerius
MD12: Squornshelous v Audioslavia
MD13: Squornshelous v The Weegies
MD14: Cockbill Street v Squornshelous

Qia Almost Drives Away With Victory
But Tim Remans’ Amazing Play Salvages Point for Melmond
By Henry Kalangalangalang of the Melmond City Herald

QIA—For some reason, once someone proclaims that the Melmond National Team is going to walk over certain competition, they completely underperform. I suppose that is how they earned the moniker “Disappointments.” Although on the road, almost all the experts thought that the Melmond National Team was going to walk all over the Qia side. Qia thus far has not earned a single point in World Cup qualifying play, albeit they played the rest of the class of the group: Eauz, Spaam, and Oaker. Nonetheless, Melmond was supposed to obliterate Qia. But here is what really happened.
It was a sweltering hot and humid day at the very quaint national stadium in the capital city of Qia. The sun was beating down on the pitch heavily and the humidity was so thick that one can almost swallow it. The loyalties of the fans were split 75/25 in favor of the home nation Qia, but a sizable Melmondian contingent made the trek to the match.
One can tell that the Melmond National Team wasn’t ever really comfortable in the atmosphere, literal and figurative. It appeared that the Disappointments were swimming through the thick humidity while the Eagles of Qia were very comfortable as they were running freely and playing their rhythmic brand of football. However, their lack of talent more than compensated for their rhythm as the Qia attack always fell apart by silly thing such as tripping over the ball, tripping over their own feet, and not paying good attention to the out of bounds lines. They were much like that person on the dance floor who is in rhythm, but looks so silly out there they are to be ridiculed.
One such occasion didn’t turn too well for the Disappointments. At the 26th minute, Qia made their first string of connecting passes. As Qia striker Stephen Horton passed the ball back to midfielder Astom Nartan, Melmond defender Charles Unne was rushing upon the ball to make the tackle. As Nartan was dribbling the ball, he trips over his own feet just as Charles Unne was to make his sliding tackle. As Nartan falls forward, the sliding foot of Charles Unne knocks Nartan in the ankle, making Nartan’s act of clumsiness look like a bit too aggressive of a tackle. Vilitan referee Motaak Otieno gives Charles Unne a yellow card for his very clean efforts muddied up by Nartan’s accidental yet very lucky dive. Qia decides to let Nartan finish what he started as since the infraction was in the goalkeeper’s box, he gets a penalty shot. Astom Nartan was to kick against Melmond goalkeeper Gina Unne. Oddly enough, this is the first shot Gina Unne was to combat in this match. Perhaps she got a little stiff during the rest of the match since although she guessed right, Nartan’s shot whizzed right past her. The Qia contingent is enraptured by the turn of events seeing their underdog side ahead 1-nil over the relatively fancied Melmond side. They would carry that 1-nil lead into the end of the first half.
Melmond still looked rather beat from the uncomfortable humidity, but controlled the possession game as once a Qia player got their foot on the ball, they will find a way to turn it over again. Manager David Bixler, seeing the lethargy exuded by the Disappointments on the pitch, made three substitutions during the early-mid part of the second half to add some offence and fitness. Coming out of the match was Trav Strachan, Alfred Smith, and Cristina Antunez. Coming in for them respectively are Kestrel Bluesummers, Jake Cormier, and Peeko Noodleschlausen.
After the substitutions, the Melmond attack continued to intensify as time went on. One could almost feel that the weak Qia barrier was about to burst from the Melmond barrage. However, it was one individual effort that saved the match for Melmond. Striker Tim Remans was the recipient of a throw-in from the midfield sideline by Melmond midfielder Peeko Noodleschlausen. Tim Remans then proceeded to dribble circles around three midfielders and four defenders for Qia. He then lets the understated striker roll right past the helpless Qia goalkeeper Ruben Rivas. Remans’ showstopping play at the 71st minute stopped the electricity in the air in the quaint Qia stadium. Despite some late barrages by the Melmond attack, the match was to end in a 1-1 tie. It certainly was a disappointing result for the Disappointments, but still they can’t be upset by salvaging a point from the match.

Goals
Nartan, QIA 26th
Remans, MEL 71st

Cards
Ch. Unne, MEL 26th

Standings

Other Group 3 Results
Insane Inflation 2 – Eauz 4
The Evil Umpire 1 – Spaam 3
Slaikau 1 – Oaker 0

Group 3
Pts W D L GF:GA GD
1. Spaam 12 4 0 0 16:2 14
2. Eauz 12 4 0 0 13:3 10
3. Melmond 8 2 2 0 8:3 5
4. Oaker 4 1 1 2 4:3 1
5. Slaikau 4 1 1 2 2:8 -6
6. The Evil Umpire 3 1 0 3 4:10 -6
7. Insane Inflation 1 0 1 3 3:10 -7
8. Qia 1 0 1 3 2:13 -11

Team Stats
Goals: Ojfssnsj Xrnym (3), Tim Remans (3), Critandi Unne (1), Jamie Prior (1)
Cards: Jamie Prior (1), Trav Strachan (1), Charles Unne (1)

Melmond National Team Schedule

v Insane Inflation (Frankndottir Stadium, Acosta) W 3-0
v The Evil Umpire (Vilita) W 3-1
v Slaikau (Microcosm Football Colossuseum, Aldi) T 1-1
@ Qia T 1-1
@ Oaker
v Spaam (Melmond Bowl, Melmond City)
@ Eauz
@ Insane Inflation
v The Evil Umpire (Commerce Heights)
@ Slaikau
v Qia (Bwnlqjd Knjgi, Wzkknfs Hynd)
v Oaker (Feliz-Unne Stadium, Unne)
@ Spaam
v Eauz (Makinshakes Stadium, O’Connor)

Next Game
@ Oaker

Although Melmond is four points ahead of Oaker for third place, this is still a very crucial match. Oaker is considerably Melmond’s biggest rival in the match if not the world. There is much bitterness in Melmond thinking that they were robbed by the voodoo dice injected Oaker side when clearly Melmond was the better side. The Disappointments would love to prove that fact in Oaker’s home turf and really kill the psyche of the struggling Oaker side. Manager David Bixler is putting Snhp Xtfuinxm back into the lineup, so the Melmond side is back at full strength. Xtfuinxm has yet to concede a goal when conscious in this World Cup.

GK- Snhp Xtfuinxm
D- Jonsi Torrini
D- Sergio Ortiz
D- Charles Unne
D- Trav Strachan
M- Fwynj Otsjx
M- Alfred Smith
M- Critandi Unne
M- Cristina Antunez
F- Ojfssnsj Xrnym
F- Tim Remans

For tickets to Oaker and the match, call the Therewegoes Travel Agency at 3-18-357-9009. We urge you not to attack and try to burn anyone wearing a Flash Oaker jersey. It’s probably just a replica.

The Daily Indoctrinator
Tea Bags and Hawaiians Fail Us

We thought with all these imported Hawaiians that the team from Spaam will be all eaten up and cannibalized. But that wasn't the case...damn vacuum packing! The score was 3-1 Spaam in our first home match.

Stars Step Up, Down Ians 1-0

After Coach Bryan Marshall sent "collective kick in the [pants]" to the Sarzonian national team, the Stars played their best game of the tournament thus far, getting a goal from forward Brian Wilson and a stellar game from a previously shaky defense and shut down 14th ranked Iansisle 1-0 in front of 37,458 in Timbers Stadium in Portland.

"We went from playing ugly football to playing Sarzonian football," Marshall said. "Brian put a great move on their keeper and their defense couldn't keep up."

Much-maligned center back Corey Hemby finally showed why he was picked to replace the retired Bryson Juergens by stemming several rallies and shutting down Ians forward Brian Lyon completely.

"That was a great team we beat today," midfielder Darwin Russell, who assised on Wilson's goal, said. "I give Willsie a lot of credit for putting the moves on their defense. I just had to get the ball to him."

"Darwin put a great ball into the box," Wilson said, deflecting the credit for his goal. "For me, it was just instinct."

The Stars decided to be aggressive with their defense of Lyon, resulting in a busy day for Eagles' Nest referee Amy Segora. She called the Stars for 21 fouls and cautioned midfielders Jeff Conley and Martin Overton. Meanwhile, the Ians committed 14 fouls with no cautions.

"Segora was fair," midfielder and team captain Bobby Convey said. "There were some hard tackles, a lot of aggressive play. That's bound to happen when so much is at stake."

Goalkeeper Troy Perkins had a much easier match of it against the Ians, stopping all four shots on goal of the nine shots the Ians managed. The Stars fired 21 shots, six on goal.

"We all took Coach's speech to heart," Perkins said. "He challenged us all as footballers and we all stepped up."

Le LIBRE

Scores Inflated in Insane Inflation

Les Bleus travelled to Insane Inflation, and on their way on the plane, they brought a ton of money, but they could feel as if it were becoming worthless every minute that passed. Arriving at the Airport, the 100 Million eu’s they brought turned out to be less than 50 eu’s in Insane Inflation. Nonetheless, Les Bleus knew they would not be staying long, only to play the match. This money problem might be a factor in the visiting teams, as unless they bring tons of money, are unable to stay longer than the 90 minutes of the match. Because of this problem, Les Bleus asked that they take the least amount of time between halves and start of whistle.

The match began, under very few people watching, as it was expensive to get a seat at the stadium. No Eauz fan dared be there, due to the economy. Les Bleus controlled the ball, and quickly took it up field towards the II keeper. The defenders blocked the attack, but Eauz regained control of the ball in the corner. Seeing an opening in front of the net, Vasser passed the ball towards that area, and Alia kicked it into the net, showing off one of the prettiest plays seen this cup, giving Les Bleus a 1 – 0 lead. The lead would be extended, as Gabrielle D'Aubigne was pulled down by an II defender 8 minutes after the first goal. Alia said he would take the free kick, but D’Aubigne insisted on taking it herself. In good sportsmanship, and following the rules of “Ladies first”, D’Aubigne took the shot, curving it to the left side, as it went in past a diving keeper. Les Bleus were looking to go onto their 4th straight victory of the qualifying round. II though were persistent, and couldn’t give up without a fight. Their star player got what seemed like a weak call by the referees, as supposedly, Guillaume Ulfston had knocked him down. Anyways, the star player got the free kick, kicking it high and into the net, surprising Rousoi. Rousoi didn’t look extremely sharp though in this match, probably due to the fact that the team just got off the plane and went off to play the match, without much practice at all. Nonetheless, the Eauz defense, seemed to help a bit with Rousoi not in top shape. The first half ended with an Eauz goal coming during the 43rd minute of play off of a pass and goes, with Rousseau charging the net. He kicked the ball up, which was swatted away by the keeper, but the II keeper couldn’t control it, and the ball came back into play, where Henri kicked it in to give Les Bleus a 3 – 1 lead. The first half ended with Les Bleus in strong performance, looking to get away with the win quickly. With agreements to hurry the match up, the pause for the second half only lasted 3 minutes, as the Minister of Finance for the team noted the value of their money reduced to 5 eu’s.

The Second half began as both teams wore tired of the little rest between halves. This could have been the reason for the lack of defense on the Eauz side, as an II player scored off of an easy shot, going past the tired Rousoi who though playing at less than perfect, had to stop quite a few shots. The deficit for II was now down to 1. Les Bleus though would score during the 78th minute of play, sealing the deal for their 4th straight victory of the qualifying round. Once the match was called after only 1:30 minutes of extra time, Les Bleus hurried to the airport, without changing so as to get out of the inflation country. Many though did say the country looked nice, it’s just it was financially painful on their team. Les Bleus are expected back in Zuka tomorrow as they were train and get ready for the start of their real challenge when Spaam comes to town in a week. A victory for Les Bleus here, will sit them atop group 3, and will give them a 3 point lead over Spaam, something which could come in handy down the stretch. More information on the match, later…

---Group 3----
[1] Spaam 4 4 0 0 16-2 12
[2] Eauz 4 4 0 0 13-3 12
<3> Melmond 4 2 2 0 8-3 8
<4> Oaker 4 1 1 2 4-3 4
5- Slaikau 4 1 1 2 2-8 4
6- The Evil Umpire 4 1 0 3 4-10 3
7- Insane Inflation 4 0 1 3 3-10 1
8- Qia 4 0 1 3 2-13 1


Schedule

Match Day 1: The Evil Umpire @ Eauz W 0 – 3
Match Day 2: Eauz @ Slaikau W 2 – 0
Match Day 3: Qia @ Eauz W 1 – 4
Match Day 4: Eauz @ Insane Inflation W 4 – 2
Match Day 5: Spaam @ Eauz
Match Day 6: Eauz @ Oaker
Match Day 7: Melmond @ Eauz
Match Day 8: Eauz @ The Evil Umpire
Match Day 9: Slaikau @ Eauz
Match Day 10: Eauz @ Qia
Match Day 11: Insane Inflation @ Eauz
Match Day 12: Eauz @ Spaam
Match Day 13: Oaker @ Eauz
Match Day 14: Eauz @ Melmond

The Aeropag Tribune - Only 25,000,000,000,000 TIY* per page!

World Cup Report - Matchday 3
Liechtenistan @ Commerce Heights
AEROPAG, NJ - The Capitalizts beat Liechtenistan (Is it Liechtenistan? Licktenistan? Lichtensten? Or even Liechtenstein, a misspelling often associated with non-existant countries like the 'United States of America'?) today in the first fair match of their qualifying campaign (you read that right: no government funding, force fields, RP bonus machines, helicopters, etc.). The game got off to a rough start when it was discovered that Clef, the planned substitute for T. I. Yen (suspended after an uncapitaliztlike conduct red card), was working for a composer in Insane Inflation instead of playing soccer. With no more Abysmal-like players to choose from, Rejis'slani'ny was forced to use Arm Fragment, a Manhattanite born in Anteaters Falling (or some such Totally n Utterly Insane name) to fill the hole in the defense. Fragment was the least of the team's worries, though, when championship veteran defender Franc Switzer opened up a hole in the formation, declaring his "neutrality" and allowing Liechtenistani players to use his bribe money. Switzer was quickly called off the field by Rejis'slani'ny, but not before Büchel had given Liechtenistan a 1-0 lead. The team began to get worried when the score had not changed by halftime, and their morale was so low that a pep talk from their Abysmali coach raised it. With renewed confidence in their abilities, they went onto the field for the second half, scoring a goal almost immediately when Simoleon struck Jehle's head with a §100 gold bribery coin, knocking him out for just long enough to score the first Capitalizt goal of the game. Pound and Rani worked even harder for their goals later in the game, but the new strategy paid off, giving the Capitalizts their third consecutive win.

Day Opponent Result
1 SARZONIA W 2-0
2 Oceaice W 1-0
3 LIECHTENISTAN W 3-1
4 Pure Evil
[1] Iansisle 3 3 0 0 11-4 9
[2] Giant Zucchini 3 3 0 0 8-2 9
<3> Commerce Heights 3 3 0 0 6-1 9
<4> Starblaydia 3 2 0 1 10-2 6
5- Sarzonia 3 1 0 2 2-5 3
6- Oceaice 3 0 0 3 2-7 0
7- Liechtenistan 3 0 0 3 4-10 0
8- Pure Evil 3 0 0 3 1-13 0

*Insane Inflation TIY, does not include 500% fee to compensate for inflation

Crystils prepared for tough campaign

The Crystilakere Crystils announced the first major shakeup in their National Team roster in an effort to add depth to the squad in their World Cup 17 qualification run. In total, the Crystils and coach Hazem Emam announced the addition of 7 new players up for selection for the Crystils world cup qualifying matches. Promising forward Reidulf Piao is expected to be the most exciting of the new additions, but is expected to have to work from the substitutes bench behind Carlo Romano and Toader Pold. Likewise is the story for the two new goalkeepers added to the lineup, Alcir Barbara and Alwasi Tystrup. Tystrup has been tipped as the future replacement for Emiliano Addis, and will likely be the keeper of choice for the Crystilakere Under-21's in the next Under-21 tournament. Defender Dimitri Ferraro, brother of prolific defender Filippo Ferraro, has also been called up the the squad for the first time, but another under-21 prospect, Jules Hitoto, is believed to be above Ferraro in the depth chart. Defender Abdelilah Escobar and midfielder Giovanni Quiroa are not expected to make any appearances for the team but are being brought up for experience in training with the team.

Of the new crop of players, only defender Jules Hitoto was handed a place in the starting lineup on matchday 4 against Omniworld. Coach Hazem Emam was reluctant to make many changes against the team that just upset favorites Europa Brittania the match before. The team got back in full stride despite the change, and Carlo Romano scored as soon as the fans had taken their seat, which was unfortunate as the match was in Omniworld and it made some of the hom fans mad. It did not make them as mad as the next Crystilakere goal, which was scored by Toader Pold, despite claims from the Omniworld defense that the player was offside, the referee indicated that the goal would stand and Crystilakere were up 2-0.

Darren Whelen scored on a free kick in the second half to make the score 3-0 before Omniworld scored their first goal of the match, making it 3-1. Coach Hazem Emam introduced Dimitri Ferraro putting the Ferraro brothers in a defensive partnership for the first time. Also coming into the match was Reidulf Piao, the exciting Striker performing well on his debut and scoring a goal late in the match for the score to become 4-1 at the end.Crystilakere 4-1 Omniworld

The referee for the match was Kellun Hodges from The Lowland Clans

Crystilakere are now 2nd inside the qualification zone of Group 6. The Belmore Family have yet to lose and are in the lead, making the Crystils loss to Raptor Claw all the more regretful. Crystilakere are 2 points infront of 3rd place and 3 points in front of 5th, which would mean being outside the world cup finals.


---Group 6----
[1] The Belmore Family 4 4 0 0 9-3 12
[2] Crystilakere 4 3 0 1 11-3 9
<3> Tanah Burung 4 2 1 1 8-4 7
<4> Raptor Claw 4 2 1 1 8-8 7
5- Europa Brittania 4 2 0 2 7-6 6
6- Dead Man 4 1 0 3 2-4 3
7- Omniworld 4 1 0 3 4-10 3
8- Mikele 4 0 0 4 2-13 0



Updated Roster *=Under-21


COACH: Hazem Emam


GK Emiliano Addis
D L-R Jules Hitoto
D -C- Filippo Ferraro <- He Scores Headers Off Corners
D -CR Donato Arrigoni
DDM L Oussent Nón
M -CR Maurizio Cavallo
M -C- Darren Whelan
M -C- Giuseppe Zucco*
M LC- Sebastan Wolf
F Carlo Romano
F Toader Pold*

SUBS FROM--

--GK
Gaetano Novello
Alwasi Tystrup*
Alcir Barbara*
--D
Alejandro Ayala
Dimitri Ferraro
Francesco Schiavon*
Salvatore Redaelli*
Rene' Niljssen*
Abdelilah Escobar*
--M
Riccardo Vecchi
Paolo Gallo
Massimiliano Rosi*
Giovanni Quira*
--F
Reidulf Piao*
Christian Benedetti
Benjamin Kuhn*
Michael Baker*

Pirate's winless in opening matches

The Pirate's opened the world cup very strongly, only losing in the final 10 minutes to Iansisle, who are currently in the top 4 in the group. Oponga was the first to score, putting Oceaice in the lead before Iansisle scored 2 goals. The great Moussoro scored his first goal of the cup to give Oceaice a chance at an upset, but everything went wrong in the last minutes and the Pirate's went down by a single goal. Iansisle [3] Oceaice [2]

Oceaice conceded just one goal against the very powerful Commerce Heights. Commerce Heights are the best ranked team in the group and have averaged 4 goals a game in matches not against Oceaice. Goalkeeper Rudy Noule can be very proud of his performance in this match. Oceaice [0] Commerce Heights [1]

The Pirate's suffered their first bad defeat of the competition against Starblaydia. It is believed that due to the Pirate's frequency in Atlantian Oceania, they lost the element of surprise in the match. Head Coach Jacques Le Coadou stood high atop his post, and was unavailable for comment, but his body language suggested he didn't seem to worried about the match. Ol-wairain, Stark and S. DiBradini scored for Starblaydia. Starblaydia [3] Oceaice [0]

Oceaice scored their first goal since the opening day defeat against Iansisle, in a closely contested match with Giant Zucchini. The Zucchini team is in the top of the group, and the Pirate's held Giant Zucchini to one of their closest results of the competition so far. The great Moussoro scored his second goal of the world cup for the Pirate's. Oceaice [1] Giant Zucchini [2]

---Group 9----
[1] Commerce Heights 4 4 0 0 13-2 12
[2] Giant Zucchini 4 4 0 0 10-3 12
<3> Starblaydia 4 3 0 1 11-2 9
<4> Iansisle 4 3 0 1 11-5 9
5- Sarzonia 4 2 0 2 3-5 6
6- Oceaice 4 0 0 4 3-9 0
7- Liechtenistan 4 0 0 4 4-11 0
8- Pure Evil 4 0 0 4 2-20 0

Sirx A Hit In Nation: Aquiliana 1-5 Liverpool England

The Philosophers continued their unbeaten run with a 5-1 walloping of Aquiliana on away soil yesterday. New coach Sirx, who was appointed in part by predecessor Ha~e Hanglia, is now a hit in the nation, with many people interviewed saying they would like to have Sirx as coach until he decides to retire.

The match was relatively one-sided, with 3 goals from Joseph Cummings, Paul Borg and an own goal from Ditras Marcos inside 35 minutes. Aquiliana pulled one back four minutes from the break through Acriter Carbasus, but the match was sealed with two goals from Douglass Freech and Timothy Dennard, returning from suspension, sealing the win inside 60 mintues. Liverpool England next play Turnia at home.

Name Goals
Hawkins, Chris 4
Dennard, Timothy 3
Freech, Douglas 2
Cummings, Joseph 2
Borg, Paul 1
Opposition Own Goals 1

Tigers loose

1-0 loss makes Coach Triandafillov resign

Dennisov - The Tigers had to win in Dennisov yo keep up with the rest of the group, but their opponent seemed to strong for them. Dennisov surprised the Tigers in the 44th minute through a corner shot giving them a 1-0 lead. The Tigers tried to turn the tide in the second half and attacked with all they got but they couldnt get past the Dennisov defense.

Triandafillov drew his conclusions: "It is clear to me that we are not ready to go to the World Cup... this loss is not only the result of our defensive problems. It seems we cant win from high-ranked teams at all, up to now we have only beaten the lower ranked ones. But i know what i have to do. I will coach the team for one more match and then i'll resign and let my assistent and former player, Georgi Zhukov, take over. I hope he can do what i couldnt". Triandafillov resigns at the most difficult moment thinkable, just before the Tigers play their match in Total n Utter Insanity, the team to beat in group 1. The Tigers will have to secure some points now if they want to make it to the World Cup, they are already 4 points behind the leaders.
" Too much" sais Ion Yakir, our football commentator "It means we have to win 2 matches and hope our opponents lose 2 at the same time, only to catch up with them. Its simply too much, best thing to do now is aim for 3rd or 4th. It the most realistic scenario right now and gives us a chance to qualify"

Tadjikistan:
Yashin, Kuznetsov, Managarov, Zhilenkov, Vlasov, Pliiev, Bagramian, Chuikov, Timoshenko, Suvorov, Cherniakhovskij

Dennisov:
Dunno, i see 16 players but, who are the starters and who are the substitutes? Tell me and i'll add a team here.

MD1: Tadjikistan - Kylaai L 1-2
MD2: Artoonia - Tadjikistan W 0-3
MD3: Tadjikistan - Pterodactyl W 4-0
MD4: Dennisov - Tadjikistan L 1-0
MD5: Total n Utter Insanity - Tadjikistan
MD6: NASTIC 2 - Tadjikistan
MD7: Tadjikistan - Lemmitania
MD8: Kylaai - Tadjikistan
MD9: Tadjikistan - Artoonia
MD10:Pterodactyl - Tadjikistan
MD11:Tadjikistan - Dennisov
MD12:Tadjikistan - Total n Utter Insanity
MD13:Tadjikistan - NASTIC 2
MD14:Lemmitania - Tadjikistan

ASNN - Fleury dropped from roster after costly error gives up victory

KERLA - Jason Fleury was dropped from the roster after another bottom of the barrel scraping performance, where his two errors cost the Stars needed points. His replaced has been announced as Jasper Park, but the next forward has yet to be chosen. Rumors have been heard coming out of NEWI Cefn Druids that a new wonderkid has been scouted by TLC scouts who has dual Druid-Clan citizenship. We will have more for you as it becomes available.

The game was dominated nearly all throughout by the Stars, whose first goal came two minutes in from a penalty kick from a yellow just inside the box. Pavel Julios put it top right corner, and the keeper from Kerla guessed left. The Stars built on this early confidence to dominate the first half. There were several missed opportunities, but the most glaring one came from Jason Fleury. The Stars were making a run up, with stopper Devon George making a run up to midfield, where he passed it to Kassen Illius, who used his sized and ball control skills to work it free. His pass was bumbled by Fleury, which gave Kerla a free run at the goal. The forward put a chip (it looked more like a trip on the TV) past a stunned Carlos Rotios.

The Stars came back though, and just before halftime scored a beautiful goal by Niko Ijas, who took a shot from twenty seven yards out and put it in just past the sprawling keeper.

The second mistake came in extra time, just as the whistle was about to blow, Fleury blundered a pass in the Stars own half, again surprising the Stars with their speed, the Kerlans used this opportunity to put a shot just past Carlos Rotios' out-stretched hands. The Kerlans jumped for joy, but the Stars simply stared at Fleury, shooked their heads and left the field. In the post game press conference, Sir Jeffery McKay announced that Fleury was to be dropped from the roster and would not travel to the Druids for the Stars key game against the group leaders on tuesday.

The players refused to comment after the press conference.

TLC Stars 2 - 2 Kerla
Julios (2nd, PK)
Ijas (43rd, No Assist)

Hoy says we'll get the next one
World Cup Match Day 4

Omniworld have produced a dissapointing performance against Crystilakere going down 4:1
against a strong side "It was dissapointing to go down after beating the favourites but
we got a consolation goal (thanks to Peacock)," Hoy said after the game, "we will win the
next game, it is against the only side below us."
Hoy has named one change for the next game by putting in Freedman for Hu in the midfield
looking for some extra crossing power into the box. The greens are favoured to win the
next game against Mikele as they are the favourites to win the wooden spoon "It is also
important that we do not take the opposition too lightly," said Hoy "I feel that is what
cost Europa Brittania in the last match and the Crystilakere side did very well to learn
from that mistake"

Omniworld 1:4 Crystilakere

3rd place with Ambitions for more
Starblaydia Reserves defeat Liechtenistan. Just.

An insanely different Starblaydia starting XI containing just two first-teamers lined up against the Liechtenistan side.

With both youth and experience in the 3-5-2 limne-up, Roberto Di Bradini put on a masterful display beyond his years to earn the Man-of-the-Match award. He controlled the match around him and was in the heart of everything. His long-range free kick was brought down expertly by Eomer Hall, who stabbed at the ball to put it past the Liechtenistan 'keeper in the Eleventh minute.

That was the way the scoreline stayed for the rest of the match, despite some good chances for both sides. Rene Griffiths showed his VIlitan League form for the first time in a Starblaydia shirt, pulling off a string of saves towards the end of the first half.

The Vilitan Referee Jesson Muldoch also disallowed a Karl Robertson goal for a foul after consulting his linesman. Robertson was seen on the instant replay to have Handballed before firing into the goal and Muldoch was quick to ask for a second opinion from his assistant, which resulted in the correct decision, surprisingly. It wasnt the result that Starblaydia wanted, but Football Officals will be pleased that some of them can make decisions.


12
Griffiths

21 16 13
Palmer Cole Tsarev

23 17 14
Benson R. Di Bradini Haldorsson
15 8
Tissot Hill

9 20
Hall Robertson


Guylain N'Dumbu-Nsungu used his full quota of substitutions as he seemed to try and save his best players for the upcoming matches against the three biggest teams in the group. Eomer Hall and Simon Hill both came off at half time for Ricky Torino and Michael Hawthorne, and Paul Cole was subbed for Moses Brown near the end of the second half to shore up the defence.

Starblaydia now go into a run of three matches against Giant Zucchini, Iansisle and Commerce Heights. Previous meetings suggest that Starblaydia will do well to come away with anything more than two points from four games, let alone two points from the upcoming three matches.

World Cup 16 Qualification Results (Selected):
MD1: Starblaydia 0-2 Iansisle
MD4: Starblaydia 0-1 Commerce Heights
MD6: Iansisle 1-1 Starblaydia
MD9: Commerce Heights 1-1 Starblaydia

These matchups suggest Starblaydia will not have a vastly different Points tally in three matches time than they do now, allowing Sarzonia and Iansisle to overtake them inthe race for the Play-off spots. If, on the other hand, Starblaydia can perhaps take some points off the top three, maybe even with a win, it will put them in a great position to climb the table yet further. This is, however, Starblaydia's greatest ever start to a World Cup Qualifying, with three wins from four. But, as the fans still chant:

"Qualification? You're Havin' a Laugh!"

Final Score:
Liechtenistan 0 - 1 Starblaydia
(None) - (Hall 11)

MD01: Starblaydia 6-0 Pure Evil
MD02: Sarzonia 2-1 Starblaydia
MD03: Starblaydia 3-0 Oceaice
MD04: Liechtenistan 0-1 Starblaydia
NEXT: Giant Zucchini Vs Starblaydia


Other Group 9 MD4 Results:
Pure Evil [1] Commerce Heights [7]
Sarzonia [1] Iansisle [0]
Oceaice [1] Giant Zucchini [2]


---Group 9---
# Nation P W D T GF-GA GD Pts
------------------------------------------------------------
[1] Commerce Heights 4 4 0 0 13-2 +11 12
[2] Giant Zucchini 4 4 0 0 10-3 +7 12
<3> Starblaydia 4 3 0 1 11-2 +9 9
<4> Iansisle 4 3 0 1 11-5 +6 9
5- Sarzonia 4 2 0 2 3-5 -2 6
6- Oceaice 4 0 0 4 3-9 -6 0
7- Liechtenistan 4 0 0 4 4-11 -7 0
8- Pure Evil 4 0 0 4 2-20 -18 0


Starblaydia Goal Tally:
Player Goals Total Goals
-------------------------------------
S. Di Bradini 3 16
E. Hall 2 11
J.J. Stark 2 4
A. Ol-wairain 1 6
R. Di Bradini 1 3
C. Salisbury 1 3
S. Hill 1 2

http://www.dirt-racing.com/3wide/sites/vilita/vn/logo.gif

3wide Conglomorate in Eystrck Deal

Press National Headquarters, Lonngeylin, Vilita
http://www.dirt-racing.com/3wide/sites/aofiles/rp/bar.gif

----------------3wide Conglomorate Corporation, who own and operate the Press National, producers of the Vilita National and Turori National newspapers, has reached a deal with the Eystrck press that would allow Eystrck to use any articles written by Press National correspondents in their own distribution, so long as the article pertains directly to the people of Eystrck, or the duplication is approved prior by the Press National.

----------------Eystrck has been unable to find columnists and informationists since the education & sport boom swept accross the nation. With the success of the Eystrck National team, many potential workers stopped searching for jobs, and begun taking up the sport of their icons, the Eystrck Force. The economy has been aided by this sudden interest in sport, but now with the improvement of the National Education system, more Eystrck natives are stepping out from behind their desks, and into the classroom, that is, when they are not out kicking a football around.

----------------It is currently unknown when the shortage of press will be resolved in the Free Land of Eystrck, but the 3wide Conglomorate has stated they will stand in and help for as long is necessary. 3wide, in addition to being the sole operators of Press National in Vilita & Turori, are controllers of 3wide Designs, who design and manufacture sporting uniforms for Vilita, Turori, Marligantis & Crystilakere, as well as many other teams outside of Atlantian Oceania.

-------------------------------------------------------
Vilita Online (http://vilita.3wide.com) -- World Cup 17 (http://wc17.3wide.com) -- Atlantian Oceania (http://aoforums.3wide.com)

Stars prepare for Oceaice

After four straight matches against the teams ranked higher than the Sarzonian national team in Group 9, some pundits say the Stars will get a break when they face sixth seeded and 64th ranked Oceaice.

However, Coach Bryan Marshall would hear none of that.

"The idea that we're going to have an easier match because we're facing a team that's lower in the rankings than we are is preposterous. Remember that we were ranked 72nd in the world before the last World Cup."

The Stars came within two matches of advancing to the World Cup finals in its first attempt at World Cup 16, but lost to the group's top teams away in the last two matches, resulting in the team's missing out on the berth by two points. The second half schedule looks more favorable for Sarzonia this time with the last three matches coming against the lower seeds.

"We can't afford to look too far ahead," midfielder Darwin Russell said. "We think Iansisle might have done that since they were playing us before facing Commerce Heights. We've got to make sure we get the full three points whenever possible."

Marshall said the team would make some lineup changes for the match against Oceaice. With defender William Jackson still nursing an injury, the team said that defender Lance Alcina would remain in at right back and Emacio would make his first start at right center back, moving Corey Hemby to left center back. Defensive midfielder Martin Overton will sit.

"I'd like to be in there, but coach said he wanted to tighten things up on the backline," Overton said. "He said Emacio would give them more options in a 4-4-2."

Starting Emacio would also give the Stars a backline of players familiar with each other, midfielder and team captain Bobby Convey noted.

"They play together [on the Hallad Reavers of the Starblaydi league] so they have great chemistry together," Convey said. "That can only help us."

"We're also familiar with Alcina," Emacio said. "We don't play on the same team, but we know each other well."

Marshall said the team would stay with goalkeeper Troy Perkins after his shutout of the Ians, but said goalkeeper Kerry Tanner would get some playing time.

"It's his last World Cup before his little brother gets a chance," Marshall said, referring to U21 national team goalkeeper Mark Tanner. "Kerry will play some during this qualifying campaign. Mark my words."

Still nil points

Liechtenistan (@ Commerce Heights - I didn't want it to be a 'real' nation) continue their qualifying campaign still without winning any points. the latest two, defeats came against Commerce Heights (3-1) in Commerce Heights and the latest a 1-0 defeat at Rheinpark Stadion to a weakened Starblaydia side.

However, the coach is optimistic that Liechtenistan will gain their first points soon with considerable easier matches coming up.

"So far we have played against only the top teams in our group. We now have four matches against the weaker sides and hopefully we can come out of thiese with as many as nine points," said the manager.

Commerce hieghts 3-1 Liechtenistan (Ronny Büchel)
Liechtenistan 0-1 Starblaydia

---Group 9----
[1] Commerce Heights 4 4 0 0 13-2 12
[2] Giant Zucchini 4 4 0 0 10-3 12
<3> Starblaydia 4 3 0 1 11-2 9
<4> Iansisle 4 3 0 1 11-5 9
5- Sarzonia 4 2 0 2 3-5 6
6- Oceaice 4 0 0 4 3-9 0
7- Liechtenistan 4 0 0 4 4-11 0
8- Pure Evil 4 0 0 4 2-20 0

Ankh-Morpork C-mail

Street Don't Concede A Goal
First Good Game This Season

After three dismal performances so far in the World Cup qualifying, the Streeters turned it around well yesterday with a fine win over the in-form team Ebon Hawk. The team played, for the first time this year, up to expectation, and the top four finish is still within reach given the poor results of Magnus Valerius and The Weegies, who have dropped points at crucial stages.

After a shaky first ten minutes, where the Hawks had a couple of good shots at goal, the match slowly drifted into control of the Street. A first half seeing Rikki Stone and Robert Stubbings giving away a couple of chances each meant that the score was 0-0 at half time, but the travelling fans were pretty pleased as their team went into the dressing-room.

It only got better throughout the second half, as the Street pushed more and more forward and the Hawks were just confined to their own penalty box. It was only deserved when, in the twenty-eighth minute, a beautiful cross from Stein Hammerhock reached the head of Rikki Stone, who calmly placed it to the left of the Hawk keeper. 1-0, and the Street were breathing a bit more safely.

The second goal came after a bit of a fluke - the Hawk keeper rushed out in the box, tried to box the ball out but failed, and it landed at the feet of defender Fearinciter. His shot, with no keeper in the goal, strangely enough went in, and the Street ended up with a 2-0 win.

A happy ending to it all, as the Hawks were disappointing at home - they withdrew in their shell and seemed content with the draw. The next match is a key home match in the Vimesbairn National Stadium - we expect a packed crowd as over forty thousand tickets have already been sold, and the away seats haven't even been out for sale yet. The Weegies, our opponents, were disappointing with their recent losses against Magnus Valerius and Ebon Hawk, and although they won their last match against Isles of Wohlstand by 3-1, it is difficult to assess what such a performance really means. The fact is, though, that the winner in this match will have a definite edge on the other team in the fight to challenge the top two - should the Street win, they will have 12 points, and probably be equal with Squornshelous and Audioslavia, as the latter hosts the former in the next game, while if the Street lose, that means the Weegies will have passed them on goal difference. Both teams will be looking to avoid the draw, as it will leave them out of contention for a second place spot, so we're up for a very intriguing encounter.

World Cup Qualifying Group Four
Squornshelous 4 4 0 0 14-3 12
Audioslavia 4 3 0 1 9-4 9
-------------------------------------------------
Cockbill Street 4 3 0 1 7-4 9
The Weegies 4 2 0 2 6-3 6
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Ebon Hawk 4 2 0 2 3-8 6
Magnus Valerius 4 1 0 3 3-8 3
Big Pimento 4 1 0 3 3-9 3
Isles Of Wohlstand 4 0 0 4 5-11 0

Ebon Hawk:
EBON HAWK 0 - 2 COCKBILL STREET
Stone 67
Fearinciter 81

Street: Havell 6 - Hammer-fighter 5, Fearinciter 5, Spearthrower 6
(Cribbage on 83), Walker 6 - Hammerhock 5, Howard 4, Underwood 5
(Larvikite on 84)- T Axewielder 5 - Stone 6, Stubbings 4 (Sulphate on
74)
Attendance: 3,989 (of which 3,988 were Streetian fans, the last is
rumoured to have been a dog)
Booked: Walker, Havell (Street)

Referee: Marco Bindschädler (Liechtenistan) 7

D2R concede their 100th international goal at hands to Lovisa

...And the 101st and 102nd

D2R played host to Lovisa on MD4, again a team with an unbeaten run and again a team which was not going to allow a 'newbie' team break their spell. This time the experts got it right (Damn those experts!!!) as Lovisa gave D2R a pounding in the iNSANE ArenA.

Maeda, after another injury scare, missed the match visiting hospital and was replaced by Tsugarimay Kinjioto, Putting the formation into a virtual 5-3-2.

The defensive minded formation worked for the most part of the first half with all of Lovisas attacks been snubbed by the D2Rian defence. But Baeker came close on 34' with a long range free-kick which was excellently parried away by Handplant.

Baeker again made himself a nuisence when he ran through the defence and was fouled by Kinjioto, which resulted in a disputable penalty. But it is not disputable that Kulig converted the penalty.

Baeker kept making a nuisance of himself throughout the match and scored a beautiful overhead kick on 53' which Handplant had no chance of saving and again with a simple tap-in on 64' from a Siedlecki cross.

Final Score
Dance 2 Revolution 0
Lovisa 3 (Kulig<p>40' Baecker 53', 64')

Bad away form? tis a piment of your imagination
'slaves win away after Big scare

Audioslavia - 5-4-1
----------------------------------------------
| 1 |
| Fenwick |
| 4 5 20 |
| 6 Romanov Rep Johnstone 3 |
| O`Brien O`Rourke |
| 8 |
| 7 Tanner |
| Johansen 11 |
| 14 Jaynes |
| Marriot |
| |
| 9 |
| Bracken |
----------------------------------------------
| |
| 10 11 |
| Pepper Valentine |
| |
| 8 |
| 7 Poivron 9 |
| Selecao Sukohara |
| |
| 2 3 4 5 6 |
| Rachunek Phillips Kallio Sharapov Lewis |
| |
| 1 |
| Madhavapeddi |
----------------------------------------------
Big Pimento - 5-3-2

On paper, a match against an unranked nation would be a piece of piss for the 'slaves, but from their current record and their alarmingly good home form, Big Pimento looked like no other 'newb' team.

For a start, the plight of their national team, usually un-noticed in most new footballing nations, is well documented in the country's media. Secondly, in their only home game so far they managed to give one of the group favorites, Cockbill Street, a right hiding.

Coupled with Audioslavia's failure to win away thus far, the 'slaves went into the game with an air of nervousness about them.

Big Pimento, buoyed on by the partisan Pimentarian crowd, attacked from the off, forcing a good save out of Fenwick in the first five minutes. Pepper and Poivron let fly a few strong shots from outside the area which narrowly missed, but the 'slaves five-man defence held firm against the onslaught.

Slowly through the first half, Audioslavia started to gain control as Big Pimento started running out of ideas. Bracken and Marriot stormed through on a counter-attack only to find Marriot forced down towards the corner by some good defensive work by Rachunek and Phillips.

Audioslavia found it their turn to attack the Big Pimento defence, this time with more penetration than the Pimento side could muster. Tanner put Marriot through on goal on the right but the midfielder's shot was wayward. Tanner himself saw a diving header pushed wide by Madhavapeddi whilst Bracken and Jaynes both came close with long range efforts.

Half time drew near with both sides taking occasional forays into the other team's area, but it was Big Pimento who struck first, striking a bitter blow to a 'slave side all to conscious of their recent poor away form. Selecao galloped down the left and beat O`Brien to get the cross in. Romanov went to block the ball but instead sliced it, sending it flying up over to the far hand side of the goal where Boris Valentine was waiting to nod the ball home.

Audioslavia went to attack after the half-time break but instead found themselves floundering against a tough three-man Pimento defence and midfield as Big Pimento time and time again worked the ball into the 'slaves box. Valentine had another header which was cleared off the line by Jens Rep whilst Sukohara almost finished off a great passing move, only to see his finish tipped round the post by a flailing Fenwick.

Fenwick however, was to turn from hero to villain from the resulting corner as the Suburbia Whites goalkeeper went to pounce on the low cross, only to up-end Pepper and give a penalty to Big Pimento.

It looked for all the world that Audioslavia would go two goals down, but Seargent Pepper's Lonely Heart's Club Found his shot ricochet off the post and out of play.

Fenwick's goal kick found Marriot, who glanced a header down to Tanner. Tanner beat two players on the edge of the box with superb burst of speed and sent Bracken in on the keeper. A clever flick and Audioslavia had equalised where a minute before they looked down and out.

The blow took its toll on the Pimento side as the momento swayed towards Audioslavia, their four-man midfield time and again getting the better of Big Pimento's central players. Marriot sent a header flying over the bar before Danny Bracken got his second goal of the game, striking a volley into the top corner after a bout of head-tennis on the edge of the area.

Both sides sought to make that crucial substitution. Big Pimento replaced awkwardly named centre-back Phillip Phillips with midfielder Luc Lepine, with goalscorer Valentine being replaced by another striker Cookie St.Jacques. Audioslavia took off Tanner and brought on a defender Greigs Johnstone, as well as replacing Aidey Jaynes with a more defense-minded winger in the guise of twenty-year old David Maiden

The Big Pimento team sought to find that equalising goal, bolstered by the extra man in midfield but Audioslavia still had the momentum, breaking down the Pimento attacks and frustrating the strikers before Alexander Marriot found the net himself on a counter attack, finishing off a sweet move by beating Madhavapeddi with an equally sweet flick into the corner.

1-3 the match stayed until the finish as both sides tired in the final minutes.

FINAL SCORE

BIG PIMENTO 1-3 AUDIOSLAVIA
Valentine 43 Bracken 63, 69
Marriot 81

---Group 4----
[1] Squornshelous 4 4 0 0 14-3 12
[2] Audioslavia 4 3 0 1 9-4 9
<3> Cockbill Street 4 3 0 1 7-4 9
<4> The Weegies 4 2 0 2 6-3 6
5- Ebon Hawk 4 2 0 2 3-8 6
6- Magnus Valerius 4 1 0 3 3-8 3
7- Big Pimento 4 1 0 3 3-9 3
8- Isles Of Wohlstand 4 0 0 4 5-11 0

Squornshelous still lead the way after four straight wins, with Audioslavia and Cockbill Street bouncing back from their surprise defeats to keep on their heels. Meanwhile Ebon Hawk fall to fifth after coming back down to earth with a 2-0 bang at home against the Streetians.

The Weegies are still keeping up, taking fourth spot after a three-one away win against Isles of Wohlstand.

The bottom three stay as they were after each of them fell to defeat against the stronger sides.

The next four games sees the top four sides - in both rank and position - battle it out together. First the top two go at it with Squornshelous visiting the SNA in Audioslavia for round three in the 'Slaves vs Stupidheads battle. At the same time The Weegies play Cockbill Street in the battle between fourth and third, a match which could possibly see Cockbill Street take a share of the lead, or The Weegies take second place.

Then its Squornshelous vs The Weegies and Audioslavia travelling to Cockbill street, before the Streetians travel to the Stupidheads and the 'slaves give Weegies a glasgae kiss.

Jeremy Jaffacake's ill-informed opinion:
Audioslavia 2-2 Squornshelous
Cockbill Street 2-0 The Weegies

Cockbill Street 1-2 Audioslavia
Squornshelous 4-1 The Weegies

Audioslavia 0-1 The Weegies
Squornshelous 0-2 Cockbill Street

Oive been Jeremy Jaffacake, g'nite bitches.

Oaker Sharks

Stadium: Pinealla International Stadium

Roster:

Carrin Oaker (GK), Torry Oaker (GK), Stef Oaker (D), Gray Oaker (D), Mitel Oaker (D), Lenny Oaker (D), Tabby Oaker (D), Scott Oaker (M) Freddy Oaker (M), Sport Oaker (M), Venus Oaker (M), Arthin Oaker (M), Kelvin Oaker (M), Raven Oaker (M), Flash Oaker (F), Tip Oaker (F), Cats Oaker (F), Pond Oaker (F)


Oaker 0 Slaikau 1

The Oaker Sharks have lost once again bringing their world cup 18 record to 1 win, 1draw and 2 losses. Due to the results in other matches, the Sharks are still inside the playoff zone, but must improve if they wish to stay there. Oaker played poorly against Slaikau and allowed the EU Regional team to pull even with them in the standings. The Oaker defense again played well, but without Flash Oaker at full strength, they were unable to score.

If there is anything in the world that can spark the Sharks back to full force, it will be their next match, against Melmond. Oaker should beat Melmond, and the victory will leave the Sharks just one point behind their dissapointing rivals. Oaker fans are encouraged to wear their purple and white proudly to the match. The Oaker government struck a deal with the Evil Umpire, exchanging three points on matchday 2 in the Oaker vs. The Evil Umpire match for indefinate protection from Melmondian terrorists.



Headlines
The foaker fever has spread to Qia, raising doubts about the ability of the Qia team to compete in the rest of the cup. Foaker fever has already claimed the nation of Brazillico, and officials have been sent to Qia to prevent them from suffering the same fate. If you feel you or anyone in your nation has caught foaker fever, you are advised to stay away from Melmond. It is believed that anyone in Melmond with foaker fever will be burned in a hay stack.

The Real-Life Flash Oaker is still competing on the new local reality show "Oaker Stars take a Bath" where local celebrities are all thrown naked into a hot tub, and longer they last in the tub, the more objects will be thrown into the tub, from flying fish to purple skin die, which does not wash off, but does wear off after approximately 5 weeks of natural exposure. The last celebrity in the tub wins Ox/10.000.000 for a charity of their choice. The show resumed today, and another member was cast away.

Flash Oaker got back in the tub for the second season of "Oaker Stars take a Bath." He made it through the first day after foaker fever spread to Swims-With-Sharks Oaker, the swimming hero from the Oakerfanoki tribe. Everyone else returned to the tub already with foaker fever in their system. The Oakerfankoi tribe was unfamiliar with common Oaker fevers & viruses and it is unknown what the infiltration of foaker fever will do to the wellness and systematic life of it's people.

Thats all from Oaker today, tune in tomorrow for a report on the next match!

"How could I have given up a goal?" was goalkeeper Hank Paulsen's reaction after the Vorpal Bunnies match. "They were a bunch of RABBITS, for Margaret's sake!"

"Damn right they were," agreed defender Carl Chang. "Bloody things were so fast it was no wonder Coach had to take me out at halftime. I was exhausted."

As usual, midfielder Cedric Willis was quiet. Never mind the fact that he had just scored his first international goal. Willis didn't like to take credit for anything, instead focusing more on the team effort. "Yeah, it was a tough match, a lot tougher than we thought it would be," he agreed. "But we did win, and that's what counts."

"Yeah, nice job today," added striker and captain Jackson Reinhardt.

Suddenly, the door opened. It was the coach, Mike Davidson. "All right, all right, enough celebrating about today. Don't you folks realize we've got Lovisa next? We're both 4-0-0, one team's gotta drop. And it's not gonna be us. So get out there to the practice fields! Let's go, go, go, go, go!"

Grudgingly, they all got up and walked out the door.

Three times is a charm - 6 times too

The Orange-Blues had one of their test matches which counted for qualification in and against Ravea. For everyone, who does not know where Ravea is: it is on the bottom of the table. The ASR had no further information about them too and it took some time until the Orange-Blues arrived in The Hammerian Protectorate and found Ravea. The Ravean national stadium was in a bad shape and entire three Ravean fans attended the match. In comparism to the three thousand Rejistanian fans, we can say, that they were slightly outnumbered.

The Orange-Blues played a suicidal System Takil (2-3-5), well, it would be suicidal against any other opponent, but the Ravean attack is notorious (in their own country). The Orange-Blues outplayed the Raveans with ease and SyMji and Lue'he (who played as additional forward this time) scored at will. Apparently Ravea tried a System Karela, but their defense had more holes than a swiss cheese. When the Ravean Ravens saw that they could not archieve anything by fair play, they started fouling everything which moved. Nuji Beili, the progressan referee saw the unfairnesses and fouls and reacted accordingly. The three ravean fans later said the rejistanian-progressan connection worked again and costed the victory (they voefully ignored that the score was 0:4 already when the 'new style' of the Raveans started).

In the 90th minute, the score was 6-0 for that Orange-Blues when a strange incident costed the Orange-Blues the clean sheet: a whistle was heard and the Orange-Blues thought the match did end. But apparently the whistle was the whistle of a Ravean fan, the Ravens were not confused and started one last attack. Goalie Taserikijilti Vavenetexy (who only had to cope with three back passes in the entire match) already ran to the other Orange-Blues, so somebloke had few difficulties of scoring one consolation goal. Taserikijilti Vavenetexy commented later that he could "bite his own ass for that error."
The result:
Ravea 1 (somebloke 90th)
Rejistania 6 (Lue 3rd 19th, Lyku 26th 48th 78th, I Jil 62nd)

occ: can't rp today soz sis is given birth.

Soz

as for result :(

Kirata Government News

The psychotic dictator has announced that his new national football team is ready to play. The team was not expected to be ready until the next world cup, but keepeing with his tradition of manipulating bad situation to make the people think they are good, the psychotic dictator has declared the $50,000,000 football training project a succes, and the players ready for battle. Of the former team, 3 players have been retained, those that have been able to excel despite proper training, and the rest have been lost within the Kiratan military system, trading in their names for a number and likely a position in a sweat shop or as a secondary front line in training. The new Kiratan players have been trained into individual positions, unlike the first batch. The untrained players will remain as substitute players and will likely be trained into one or multiple positions by the new Kirata coaching staff, led by General Proper Renier Solaris. The psychotic dictator has also issed a new uniforms, and changed the teams mascot from the 'Fish' to the 'Flying Fish'

Goalkeepers
#1 - Marconia Christagunt
#2 - Zadornov Russia
#3 - Esclangona Durrell

Defenders
#4 - Darboux Cynthia
#5 - Idaios Bengt
#6 - Fama Perlmutter
#7 - Guangdong Meesters
#8 - Perdix Mandelshtam
#9 - Borovsky Novosibirsk

Midfielders
#10 - Zimmerwald Randa
#11 - Dieckvoss Burnaby
#12 - Una Tweedledee
#13 - Floris-Jan Belgirate
#14 - Roborosa Yes
#15 - Masumi Loder
#16 - Chile Modra

Attackers
#17 - Onken Kegler
#18 - Kolga Gokcay
#19 - Polydoros Augeias
#20 - Kessler Tatsuo

Untrained Players
#21 - Saijo Tuckia
#22 - Venusia Louhi
#23 - Katja Chemin

The Reichsmarkia Times
Ask for the current price

C'eauz la vie
The Trillionaires lost against defending world champions Eauz, also known as 'Les Bleus', 2:4. That is an encouraging result, especially if you take into account that the Trillionaires have nothing resembling a rank and the articles of the Reichsmarkia Times are not always accepted by RP-bonus machines due to the paper quality (or rather: the lack of it). This match, only few foreign fans were in the FC/Fortuna Reichsmarkia Stadium, despite ticket prices of only a few ado (thousand trillion) TIY.

Les Bleus only made a short visit in our glorious nation (or as foreigner say: hellhole), maybe because they exchanged eus to TIY and saw them lose their value within the 90 minutes of the match. Eauz needed entire 9 minutes until Alia brought them ahead and then 8 whole minutes until female player D'Aubigne archieved the 2:0 after being fouled by Ringgit Malay. Referee Steven Farm did not accept the excuse that "it was an attempt to get body contact!", however he noted it as the "strangest excuse ever". In the 34th minute Guillaume Ulfston fouled "star player" (quote: Le Libre) T.I. Yen. T.I. took the resulting free kick himself and did the unthinkable: converted directly past Eauzian goalie Rousoi. Suddently the score was 1:2 against the defending world champion. Eauzian fans booed and chanted slogans like: "Is the ref blind?" only in french. Hans Eichel could not correctly parry a Rousseau shot in the 43rd minute, the ball bounced back into play and Henri destroyed all dreams of a draw.

After a half time of only 3 minutes (because Eauzians were urging to hurry the match up due to their childish fear of inflation rates higher than 100% daily), the Trillionaires found into the match much better (maybe because players are sometimes payed in half-time and they run off to spend the money before complete devaluation. Reichsmark lowered the Eauzian lead only minutes after the start of the second half to only 3:2. Can you believe the joy in the stadium? If I told you, you would say I would exaggerate and so I do not even try. Unfortunately, Henri doubled the Eauzian lead again in the 78th minute. This time the fans on th home fan block booed. According to them, Henri was clearly offside. Television images do not exist of the goal scene, so we can not finally tell, wether the referee and the linesman misdecided. After an extremely short injury time, the Eauzians left in a faster hurry than the Insanians after recieving their wages.

The result:
Insane Inflation 2 (Yen 34th, Reichsmark 47th)
Eauz 4 (Alia 8th, D'Aubigne 17th, Henri 43rd 78th)

Starblaydia Ready for the Giant Sentient Mutated Zucchini Things
Alternative Starblaydi League Players turn up the heat on MD4

With the only meeting between Giant Zucchini and Starblaydia coming at Under-21 level in the Second Round of the 6th Under-21 World Cup, Starblaydia will hope to have the slight edge of the sentiant vegetables. The match, which ended 4-2 in Starblaydia's favour, saw Eomer Hall score one of the goals as Roberto Di Bradini took hold of the midfield. This is seen as somewhat of a good omen, as some of the Under-21s are in the squad, with Hall almost certain to be in the starting line-up.

Rejistanian and Alpha League Champion Tuade Lue scored the first two of Rejistania's goals againt Ravea. Lue'he, playing as an extra attacker in his side's 2-3-5 'System Takil' formation, got his name on the scoresheet in the third and nineteenth minute to set the Orange-Blues up for a 6-1 demolition, spoiled only in the last minute by Taserikijilti Vavenetexy's total loss of concentration between the posts.

T.I Yen, now a Phraen Palace player, scored a wicked free-kick for the Trillionaires against World Champion's Eauz. Yen, who cost about as much as a small family car, scored from the free kick he won after Guillaume Ulfston's ungainly challenge on the youngster. 'Keeper Hans Eichel, who cost somewhat less than the price of a small family car, couldn't prevent the Champions scoring four goals, so unfortunately (but not unsurprisingly) Insane Inflation lost 4-2.

Jarod Dreka of Vecchio Victors earned his first international cap for Turori, coming on after half-an-hour for injured 'keeper Slietah, though he could not prevent another loss for the Eels, conceding in the 67th minute. Jhanna United striker Nikki Inostraza also took the field as a substitute, but he again failed to bring the equaliser that the Turori fans so desperately wanted from him.

Paul Aketon, Tabeck's swap for J.J. Stark with Vimesbairn United of Cockbill Street, had a great view of the Street's 2-0 win over Ebon Hawk, having spent the entire time on the bench. Experts warn he may be at risk of Deep Vein Thrombosis if he spends any more time sitting down during the Street Matches. The deal is not looking to have gone in Tabeck's favour, as a revitalised J.J. has scored twice this tournament, leaving the Tabeck chairman looking somewhat frustrated as his manager's lack of transfer-market experience.

All three Sarzonian defenders based in Starblaydia are expected to line up against Oceaice in their next match, a team who Starblaydia defeated 3-0. Emacio, Corey Hemby and Lance Alcina are tipped to start and form a new and exciting back-four with a variety of options provided by the highly-skilled Emacio, instead of the 3-5-2 they usually play.

The Aeropag Tribune - If you don't find it here, someone out-bribed us

World Cup Report - Matchday 4
Commerce Heights @ Pure Evil
PURELY EVIL PLACE, PURE EVIL - Once the secret location of Pure Evil's stadium was discovered, the game was relatively easy. The Evils' all-out attack formation started scoring very early in the game, giving Commerce Heights a 2-0 lead. Simoleon and Pound pulled out some gold coins and started bribing the strikers, finally convincing them that they should be attacking what was, in fact, the Capitalizt goal. Once strikers Pound, Cyprus, and Lahnto had something to do other than watch the Evils accumulate own goals, they started attacking the Evil goal themselves, with Pound finally scoring the first Capitalizt goal just before halftime. During halftime, coach Rejis'slani'ny worked on practicing the so-called 'positive words' he had been learning, congratulating Pure Evil on their excellent play. The coach's compliments meant much less to the team than their 3-0 lead, a lead which they intended to extend. In the 54th minute, Pt Ounce scored while goalie Evil Guy #1 was attempting to stop Evil Guy #4 from slugging Trevor Stalin, the Communist (OOC: Communist Heights-ian) referee. A 62nd-minute goal by Simoleon was made possible when Evil Guy #1 hit his head on the crossbar, stopping him from even attempting to catch the ball. The 6th goal belonged to Lahnto, when he slipped a §500 note to Stalin and tossed a §50 coin into the goal. T. I. Yen, back from his suspension, further inflated the score with an easy 83rd-minute goal. The team began celebrating at midfield when the clock reached 90 minutes, but Stalin, not about to let the Capitalizts get away with a record win, 'forgot' to blow the whistle at the end of the game until Pure Evil scored their first goal.

Records Broken
CH: Most goals scored (previous: 5, WC11 at Western pie makers)
CH: Most goals scored in away game (previous: 5, WC11 at Western pie makers)
CH: Largest margin of victory (previous: 4, several games)
WC: Most goals scored (tied: Bedistan WC16, Lemmitania WC17, Gesamtkuntswerk WC17)
WC: Most goals scored in away game (tied: Bedistan, WC16 at ASSKICKEN)

In addition, a win over Iansisle tommorrow will tie the Capitalizt record for most consecutive games won (5, set in WC10Q and WC15/WC16Q).

Day Opponent Result
1 SARZONIA W 2-0
2 Oceaice W 1-0
3 LIECHTENISTAN W 3-1
4 Pure Evil W 7-1
5 IANSISLE

[1] Commerce Heights 4 4 0 0 13-2 12
[2] Giant Zucchini 4 4 0 0 10-3 12
<3> Starblaydia 4 3 0 1 11-2 9
<4> Iansisle 4 3 0 1 11-5 9
5- Sarzonia 4 2 0 2 3-5 6
6- Oceaice 4 0 0 4 3-9 0
7- Liechtenistan 4 0 0 4 4-11 0
8- Pure Evil 4 0 0 4 2-20 0

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Turori [2]-[2] Pedriana


Athtai National Stadium, Athtai, Pedriana
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Gisterfred Q. Disterfred sat in a small, windowless room following the Turori Eels 2-2 draw with Pedriana, along with him was newly-installed Football Association of Turori (FAT) President Noinu Laredell and former striker and National Hero, Mauritus Banda.

N: Gisterfred, things have got to change. We lost to Haperd, fine. We all have our off days. We lost to Eystrck, that's fine too, no one was dissapointed with that one, but now you're telling me that I can accept a draw with Pedriana? A spider infested nation being attacked by rebel Old Babylonian forces, you've got to be kidding me.

G: I know sir we were all dissapointed not to win at Pedriana, I thin…

B: Do you need more goals G? I'll come back and score some goals!

G: No, I really don't think that's the problem, I thin...

N: That's a good idea Maritus, you may want to consider that Disty.

G: Yes, but if you look at our results, I thin…

B: Well if it's goals you need, I can get them for you! I'm ready to go.

G: I don't really thin…

N: When's the last time you've played, Banda?

G: Sir, please wait, I thin…

B: Just last Wednesday Noinu, I played over with Mliona Lpaka in a friendly they were hosting against Wunokalsa Waridi, good bunc of lads there in Mliona.

G: But it's really not…

N: Right, I went to see Mliona play down in the cup last year, still got that south paw for a keeper?

G: I really don't thin…

B: Yea he did a marvelous job too, stopped a penalty kick in the first half before we switched to a…

G: SHUT UP!!!!!!

N: Geez, Gist, calm down, what crawled up you?

B: Yea whered that come from?

G: Look, I don't need goals!! We've scored 9 goals in four games, Akamoari's always on fire, Jualiar scored one against Pedriana, so did Cuolia Tuirma, he's shooting gems from his free kicks!

N: So then what do you need??

G: Well for starters, a better referee. This slani Olaf Axewielder from Cockbill Street called EVERY damn thing, the play was so broken up we could never get anything going, and even then he wouldn't give us that penalty when that spider thing brought down Kabaofo Iobabao in the scond half, when he was clearly tripped!! So what if there is no rule about being tripped up by silk web!! A conscious ref should be able to adopt to the game and make that call!

B: I don't know Gisty, there is no rule specifically against that.

G: Whose side are you on!

B: Just trying to be objective, no need to get angry

G: Right, objective, is that what they're calling narrow-minded prats these days?

N: Easy now Gisty, that's your new assistant you're talking about!

G: What?!?!

N: Yea, why do you think I called this meeting? I told you we needed changes, and I think splitting some of the duties on the training field with Mauritus would do the team good.

G: But! I thought you wanted to talk about the results, just tell me to step it up, what about all the talk of bringing Mauritus back?

B: Well you did serve the last two cups, well until the middle of 16, as backup keeper, even after you took the head coaching role, so I figured maybe I could give it a go too.

N: Yea, plus, I know you will bring us the results, you led this team passed 3 top 10 ranked sides and brought us the Eagle's Cup - I mean yea, if we don't make the 3rd v 4th playoff, you're going to get the sack, but I'm not going to cut you short after, really just one bad result, being against Haperd

G: Well thanks for that Noinu, but I think the team is in a different standing now than back when I was player-manager. Back then I was the only starter in the entire league from Turori, other than Milauo. Now that our program has improved, we've got players playing as far away as Oglethorpia, not to mention a whole bunch of them in the Bekk region in Druida and Starblaydia. If you want to train with the strikers, coach the strikers, and earn your place like the rest of the strikers, then you can play, but I don't think they'll push over lightly.

B: Fine, Well we better be off to the training field

N: And Gisty, You better win this time.

G: Right, of course sir.




Referee: Olaf Axewielder [Cockbill Street]



Turori Eels (4-4-2) ::
[GK] Milauo Slietah, [D] Linoi Niabula, [D] Marlian Hunial, [D] Martika Ecspo, [D] Kiatin Likao [M] Tika Poloni, [M] Malaino Mumamba, [M] Yabaiy Tbaiao, [M] Cuolia Tuirma, [F] Jualiar Vumaou, [F] Akamoari Liano
BENCH::
[GK] Jarod Dreka, [D] Maratima Tareak, [DM] Ugo Doohan, [U] Rikko Ambama, [M] Mika Sakatorra [F] Nikki Inostraza, [F] Kaboafo Iobabao


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RESULTS AND OTHER INFORMATION
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All Turori Home matches to be at:: Almintora National Stadium, Almintora, Turori (Unless Otherwise Noted)

Turori::[6-0]-Ravea
Turori::[1-2]@Haperd
Turori::[0-1]-Eystrck
Turori::[2-2]@Pedriana
Turori::[X-X]@One Red Dot
Turori::[X-X]-Gesamtkuntswerk
Turori::[X-X]@Rejistania
Turori::[X-X]@Ravea
Turori::[X-X]-Haperd
Turori::[X-X]@Eystrck
Turori::[X-X]-Pedriana
Turori::[X-X]-One Red Dot
Turori::[X-X]@Gesamtkuntswerk
Turori::[X-X]-Rejistania



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Llamas earn first point!

Surprisingly enough, it was Turori who would finally concede a point to the green-clad Pedriana Llamas on matchday four of World Cup XVII qualifying. The Eels had always been seen by manager/coach Olé Retaguma as one of the strongest sides in Group 10, but they could manage only a draw today.

Turori started with the first attack as Akamoari Liano took an early shot that J.C. Steich easily deflected. Pedriana turned the deflection into an attack of their own as defender Renato Corvo picked up on the ball and sent it up to Lardydell, who passed forward to Paris Canetta. Canetta took a shot, but Turori keeper Milauo Slietah parried it. Fellow forward Otha Jalkut caught the rebound with his left foot and took a shot of his own, and Slietah couldn't get back to his line quickly enough. Goal for Pedriana.

After what most believed was a freak Pedrian goal, the momentum again turned to the Eels. Pedriana managed to keep the ball at midfield for most of the first half, but they were noticeably more fatigued than their Turorian counterparts. Jlinal Cove forward Jualiar Vumaou finally found a break in the 35th minute and put an easy shot behind Steich for the equalizer.

Turori had 68% possession in the first half, and their dominance continued after the break. It didn't take long for the Pedrian back line to get peppered with attacks again, and there were too many hurried clearances to count. One such clearance made by Athtai Wanderers star Raleigh Humbard went awry, as he ended up taking down Vumaou near the edge of the box. Indeed, it took referee Olaf Axewielder a while to determine whether Turori should get a penalty or not, but he ultimately went with just a free kick. A later replay of the incident showed that Axewielder was in fact correct in his ruling. Midfielder Cuolia Tuirma took the free kick, and Steich guessed wrongly, putting Turori up 2-1.

Controversy erupted midway through the half when substitute forward Kaboafo Iobabao fell onto the pitch somewhere in the vicinity of midfielder Bob the Giant Evil Spider, who was playing an unusual distance behind his normal line. Apparently, Bob's hormones were raging for some reason and he was producing notable quantities of silk. Iobabao tripped over the long string. Axewielder gave Bob a yellow card for obstructing play, but would not award a penalty to Turori on the grounds that there was no rule regarding getting tripped up by a silk web. Iobabao was furious, but he kept his temper enough under control to prevent getting a card of his own.

The final goal of the game was a complete surprise. Renato Corvo launched the ball upfield in an attempt to pass it to Bob. The ball sailed over Bob's head and took a path that somehow kept it totally out of the way of all Turorian defenders. Milauo Slietah tried to head it away from the goal, but he misjudged its trajectory and came too far forward. The ball bounced right on into the empty net, dumbfounding everyone in the stadium.

Needless to say, coach Retaguma was ecstatic about the draw. In fact, he was so drunk by the time we caught up with him that we couldn't understand a word he was saying. Up the Llamas!

Final score:
Turori 2 (Vumaou 35, Tuirma 52)
Pedriana 2 (Jalkut 19, Corvo 83)

The Weegie Star - Sport Report

Isles of Wohlstand - 1 (Garnedy 14)
The Weegies - 3 (Lindau 24, 36 McCann 64)

A decent away performance makes up for the somewhat inadequate performance against Ebon Hawk in the last match. With teenager Harris smarting over the mistake that cost the Weegie side three points in the Ebon Hawk match, Eriksson came back from being banned in the last match to take over his place in goal. And he really made it his own this time, with the attacking Wohnstandi players giving everything they had in the early stages of the game. And it showed the pressure our young and inexperienced boys were under, with Eriksson having to compose himself immeasurably in order to prevent an early lead. But the Wohlstandis broke through, a through pass from Medicci giving Garnedy a good opening which even the most acrobatic of dives couldn't have stopped. 1-0 to the Wohlstandis, and the travelling support was looking anxious, both at the scoreline, and the guns being fired into the air from the slightly wild-eyed home support.

But ten minutes later, a struggle for dominance in the centre of the pitch led to the wingers again establishing a good attacking style, one which the 4-3-3 play of the Wohlstandi was inadequate to counteract.

Eriksson, McCarg, Fulton, Fulton (Loudoun 78), Cargill, McDonald, Thompson, McCann (McPhail 65), Larsson, Lindau, Hermiston (Rourke 72).

The Daily Druid

PHYSIO RUNS OFF WITH DICTATOR
Björn-Trevor Frederiksson on Kirata 0 NEWI Cefn Druids 5

Simon Greaves returned from his fling with the team physio to stop Trevor Kallins from making this match the most boring ever, but he seemed more keen to set the record straight about his relationship than talk about the match, in which Trevor Law scored his first international hat-trick.

"She's a bitch," he told us, "She said that I was the only one, but she's run away with the Dictator of Kirata! Anyone with power or money, and she'll stick to them like a limpet!" At this point, he left in tears.

Final Score:
Kirata 0
NEWI Cefn Druids 5 [Law 6, 9, 55 Gessemschmitthaagen-Po 46, Leicester 64]

Matchday 5 Scores Posted:

SCORES THREAD (http://forums2.jolt.co.uk/showthread.php?t=356281)

Aquiliana defeated closely
But the team hasn't given up yet

It seemed that this game was going to be a draw. Play had gone to the 84th minute with only 2 goals being scored. Then, referee Uvher Eckstream called Ancora on a sliding tackle in the box, awarding the Avenging Altos a penalty. The offensive player put away the PK, and added another off a breakaway, created by a desperation attack by the Falcons, a few minutes later.

"It's not so much that it was a bad call," said defenseman Anularius Messor. "It's that the referee had called only 3 fouls in the entire match up to that point. And then he calls something questionable? Sure, it was a foul, but it was below the level at which he seemed to be operating. Be consistent, at least."

Ancora declined comment after the game, as Eckstream was being rushed off the field, trying to avoid the projectiles being projected by the angry crowd. Luckily for him, the stadium is located on a small island, and he was able to fly back to Melmond safely.

Final Score:
Avenging Altos 3 - 1 Aquiliana
(34, 84, 89) - (Auguratius 35)

Stars win 2nd straight, 2-1

The Sarzonian national team split its first four matches against the toughest sides in Group 9, leaving the team in fifth place, three points behind second seeded Iansisle. The Stars won their first match against a lower ranked side, beating Oceaice 2-1 in the Snake Pit in Saugerties.

"We played just well enough to win," a clearly disappointed Coach Bryan Marshall said. "We looked really good for 60 minutes and then we almost frittered the match away. We can't have that kind of effort in this tournament."

Central defender Emacio made a favorable impression for the Stars in his first start for the Stars, deftly dribbling through a shocked Oceaice defense and firing a laser shot into the net to give the home side a 1-0 advantage just nine minutes in.

Forward Anton Gregor made up for a red card earlier in the tournament and for spotty play after his suspension with a 59th minute goal on a free kick after Northbank referee Peter Collins called a foul on midfielder Camille Oponga.

"That ref was tough," Oponga said. "I barely touched [forward Brian] Wilson and he call me for foul. Very bad. Very bad."

"Barely touched," Wilson asked incredulously, lifting his shirt to show a huge welt that he said resulted from the foul. "That was the right call, no two ways about it."

"The Stars are a good team, there was no need for foul play," Oceaice Head Coach Jacques Le Coadou said. "They were the better team out there today. They didn't have to foul us like that."

Oceaice made a substitution in the second half and applied pressure on goalkeeper Troy Perkins, finally breaking through in the 78th minute. The lower seeds played most of the last 30 minutes of the match in the Sarzonian end and Perkins was up to the task, making five of his seven saves in the final 30 minutes.

"We have to do a better job of shutting down their attack," defender Lance Alcina said. "Otherwise, we're going to be in deep trouble against the better teams in the world."

TEN Peels Off Two Straight Wins

*A meeting in a dimly lit room*

Shadowry figure: I see the RP machine is working now. Two wins, one over Svecia by one goal...one a three goal win over that team I can't pronounce.

Lackey:Wapahkoneta 4-1 sir.

SF: yeah yeah whatever. How are we now in the group?

L: 3rd sir, on Goal differtial.

SF: wait we beat Svecia and we are still behind them? No matter I think we can catch up to them.

*A muffled scream eminated from the next room*

L: The RP machine is packed and ready to goal. However, I am not sure we can get it installed in whereever we are playing in Snub Nose 38.

SF: Get it there, and get it there now. It is imperitive we win the next two game.

L: Yes sir. * he motions to Lackey #2 who runs out of the room*

SF: Make sure Guido is on that flight.

L: He's with the RP machine.

*A second muffled scream eminated from the next room*

L: Sir?

SF: Don't worry about that. It will be ok.

L: *gulp* ok sir.

SF: Anything else of interest?

L: I think Horace sprained his front right hoof this last game, he may not be able to start. It depends what the trainer can do on the flight over.

SF: Understood.

*scream*

L: *looks nervously at the door* What are you going to do with him?

SF: Depends on how the brainwashing goes.

L: *nods* ok...well, I need to go check on the flight arrangements.

SF: *nods and then turns to read the paper*

Matchday 1: The Eagle's Nest vs. EL CID THE HERO Loss 0-1
Matchday 2: The Eagle's Nest @ Northbank Tie 2-2
Matchday 3: The Eagle's Nest vs. Esth Win 3-1
Matchday 4: The Eagle's Nest @ Wapahkoneta Win 4-1
Matchday 5: The Eagle's Nest vs. Svecia Win 1-0
Matchday 6: The Eagle's Nest @ Snub Nose 38
Matchday 7: The Eagle's Nest vs. Halfassedstates
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Matchday 8: The Eagle's Nest @ EL CID THE HERO
Matchday 9: The Eagle's Nest vs. Northbank
Matchday 10: The Eagle's Nest @ Esth
Matchday 11: The Eagle's Nest vs. Wapahkoneta
Matchday 12: The Eagle's Nest @ Svecia
Matchday 13: The Eagle's Nest vs. Snub Nose 38
Matchday 14: The Eagle's Nest @ Halfassedstates


Group 2 Standings

Pos Team P W D L F A GD Pts PP
1 Halfassedstates 5 4 0 1 11 2 9 12 39
2 Svecia 5 3 1 1 11 4 7 10 37
3 The Eagles Nest 5 3 1 1 10 5 5 10 37
4 Snub Nose 38 5 3 1 1 10 7 3 10 37
5 EL CID THE HERO 5 3 0 2 7 6 1 9 36
6 Esth 5 1 1 3 5 10 -5 4 31
7 Northbank 5 0 1 4 5 14 -9 1 28
8 Wapahkoneta 5 0 1 4 3 14 -11 1 28

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Turori [0]-[2] One Red Dot

One Red Dot Desert Field, Desertlands, One Red Dot
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-------------------The Turori Eels travelled for the second time to the home of One Red Dot, a place where they had been successful before, during the World Cup 15 qualifiers. It was during these qualifiers that the Eels went 16 games unbeaten out of 18, including a win and a draw against the favored side from One Red Dot. Turori substitute striker Kabaofo Iobabao had particular reason to remember the 2-1 victory over the One Red Dot team, as it was the match in which he registered his first ever international goal, a feet he did not duplicate until the recent Eagle's Cup where his surprise hattrick against Insane Inflation sent Turori on a run that would culminate with the Eagles Cup championship, the first silverware for Turori since their inagural Baptism of Fire Cup victory.

-------------------One Red Dot are a team that has been around the World Cup for longer than Turori has had a recognized Football team, in fact, for longer than Turori has even been recognized as a Nation. However, in recent years, the formerly intuitive and detailed press reports being relayed from the One Red Dot homeland have been in a rapid decline, and it is unknown if any reports from the 17th World Cup have even reached the One Red Dot public. This is likely due to economic crisis in One Red Dot, which has seen an underlying ring of bribery run the nation for years, only for the circle to emphatically break causing many of the corporations involved with it to fold, one of which being the One Red Dot press. In fact, the One Red Dot v. Turori match was so poorly publicized in One Red Dot that the Turori support outnumbered the One Red Dot 2:1, despite the event being held in the heart of One Red Dot's capital city.

-------------------The Economy in One Red Dot has currently reached the state where the Government has been forced to shut down indefinately, and events such as funding for the National Football Association are only being done through private investorships and petty cash. Despite the lack of native citizens attending the match, the presence of the Turorian's and the money they spent just to enter the country has already had a major impact on the yearly reports in the region. Fortunately for One Red Dot, their ability to play Football was not affected by their unfortunate economic circumstances, and the match was able to go ahead as planned.

-------------------The quiet atmosphere prior to the match was far from the party like celebration that preceded the Eels matchup against Turori, and even the energetic atmosphere experienced in Pedriana. Before the players stepped onto the pitch, it resembled more a desert wasteland with a couple of nets to catch the tumble weed. Once they stepped on the field, it more resembled a desert wasteland with some people kicking tumbleweed around, but not having much fun of it.

-------------------Neither team was able to do much in the first half, although Kaboafo Iobabao was very energetic in his first start of the world cup, in place of Kiatin Likao in a change of formation for the Eels. Some questioned the change in formation, saying it should have been tested against weaker opposition before facing One Red Dot, but they tried it nonetheless, and it almost worked. Iobabao was a spot of light with four shots in the first half alone, although none of them ever really looked like going in. The Eels were left to enter the locker room dejected after One Red Dot scored late in the first half to go up 1-0 after the Eels controlled most of the play. Referee Binky McGee from Starblaydia allowing One Red Dot to break after committing a foul on Cuolia Tuirma, McGee citing that he played advantage in favor of the Eels, and what resulted immediately after must have been fate.

-------------------The second half started out much like the first, with Iobabao again proving he could find his way clear of the One Red Dot defense, but he was only able to show himself to the back of the net, managing to end up on top of the One Red Dot keeper while the ball sailed wonderously over the bar for yet another missed opportunity for the Eels. They made their first substitutions of the match bringing in Mika Sakatorra and Rikko Ambama, both straight swaps seeing impressive Iobabao replaced by Sakatorra behind the forwards, and Ambama slotting in between defende and midfield, feeding excellent balls forward which Sakatorra easily distributed to his strike partners. Akamoari Liano was finally able to get the ball in the net for Turori, but his effort was called back by referee McGee for offside, after the linesman and tripped trying to catch up to the play and was unable to make the call. Not many objected to the call, but most felt that the run of play deserved the goal and that it would only have been fair to allow it to stand.

-------------------As time ran low, Turori made one further substitution, which saw Forward Nikki Inostraza come on in favor of defender Martika Ecspo, pushing the Eels into Kamakaze attack mode. After forcing three corners and hitting two cross bars, the Eels were punished for their new formation when the One Red Dot keeper lashed a long ball down field with Miluao Slietah way out of net, and the chasing One Red Dot attack needed only to direct it home to easily round of an unjust 2-0 scoreline. The Turori Football association have called a Press Conference for one hour after the Eels arrive back home in Almintora. While speculation is rampant that more changes are in store in the Turori backroom, no confirmed reports have been given by the Turori FA regarding the conference.




Referee: Binky McGee [Starblaydia]



Turori Eels (4-4-2) ::
[GK] Milauo Slietah, [D] Linoi Niabula, [D] Marlian Hunial, [D] Martika Ecspo, [M] Tika Poloni, [M] Malaino Mumamba, [M] Yabaiy Tbaiao, [M] Cuolia Tuirma, [AM]Kabaofo Iobabao [F] Jualiar Vumaou, [F] Akamoari Liano
BENCH::
[GK] Jarod Dreka, [D] Maratima Tareak, [D] Kiatin Likao, [U] Ugo Doohan, [M] Rikko Ambama, [F] Mika Sakatorra [F] Nikki Inostraza


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RESULTS AND OTHER INFORMATION
----------------------------------------


All Turori Home matches to be at:: Almintora National Stadium, Almintora, Turori (Unless Otherwise Noted)

Turori::[6-0]-Ravea
Turori::[1-2]@Haperd
Turori::[0-1]-Eystrck
Turori::[2-2]@Pedriana
Turori::[0-2]@One Red Dot
Turori::[X-X]-Gesamtkuntswerk
Turori::[X-X]@Rejistania
Turori::[X-X]@Ravea
Turori::[X-X]-Haperd
Turori::[X-X]@Eystrck
Turori::[X-X]-Pedriana
Turori::[X-X]-One Red Dot
Turori::[X-X]@Gesamtkuntswerk
Turori::[X-X]-Rejistania



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VILÄMNA DAGENS NYHETER

DEFENSIVE LETUP
Tough road ahead for Lightning

El Cid the Hero 1 Svecia 2
The Eagles Nest 1 Svecia 0

The Eagles Nest - A sold out stadium and lone defensive mishap by Anders Glock gave TEN just enough of an advantage to slip by Svecia at home.

Coming off a road win at El Cid the Hero, the Lightning knew they were going to have a tough time again. And again next match, and the one afterwards. In fact these four games in a row are all against the top 4 teams in the group after Svecia. And three of them are on the road. But this only means that this will happen again at the end of qualifying when those three teams travel into the hostile Rijksstadion.

The match against El Cid was close, but manageable for the Lightning. A quick goal by Mikael Solskjaer in the 7th minute gave the Lightning a needed advantage in the opposing stadium. This goal was followed by a Lars Svensson header in the 21st minute to give Svecia a two goal lead through the half. El Cid came out a little stronger in the second half, but it wasn't unmanagable for the Lightning. The El Cid goal came off a beautiful volley in the 78th minute to give the stadium some hope, but Piet van Meer and the defense shut down El Cid for the final 12 minutes.

Into the next hostile stadium of The Eagles Nest, ranked fourth in the world. But in soccer rankings mean nothing and the Svecian came into the match knowing they could not only play at the level of the Eagles Nest, but beat them on the road. Unfortunately, TEN got an early goal by a mistake in the back and that was all they needed to hang on for the win.

Svecia took the ball back in their third of the field in the 16th minute and was looking to build for a counterattack. As Anders Glock held on to the ball he was pressured and decided to pass back to van Meer in the goal. However the ball was a weak pass and came up well short of the penalty area. As van Meer started to sprint out to get it, a TEN player ran onto the ball and took it around van Meer for the score.

There were a few good chances for the Lightning that fell just short of pulling even. A late flurry of shots missed by inches or were barely tipped over the bar by the TEN keeper. Solskjaer had the best chance of the match as he saw his shot from 10 yards out tipped off the crossbar by the keeper and then fall to a TEN defender.

Svecia now travels to the familiar stadium of the Halfassedstates and then returns home for a match against the familiar team of Snub Nose 38, which Svecia split with in the last cup's qualifying.

How Can Hell Be Any Worse?
…And Pinealla Is Burning…
By Henry Kalangalangalang of the Melmond City Herald

OAKER—The atmosphere at Pinealla International Stadium in Oaker’s capital city was a proverbial kitchen of intense heat. There were many volatile ingredients stirring within the Melmond-Oaker rivalry stew. A span of four years hasn’t been able to cool the animosity between both sides. Melmond is four points ahead of Oaker in the Group 3 standings, but they still feel like they need to make a statement after what happened last time in World Cup Qualifying as Oaker pulls out of their collective asses two improbable victories which ultimately let the forever promising and forever disappointing Melmond squad out of the World Cup final again. They feel that the effects of the voodoo dice were to blame and there is good evidence to point that Oaker is holding whoever has the voodoo dice refuge. Oaker went to the World Cup final and proceeded to make it a little more boring than it would have been with Melmond in the finals. Melmond really wanted to shove it in the face of this side, but after two more announcements made by the Oaker press, considering this match in which “Oaker should beat Melmond.” The latest kicker made the animosity more than one on the field, but off the field. They have hired guards from The Evil Umpire, a nation us Melmondians are all too familiar with. And they are there to protect against Melmond “terrorists,” which would only enrage them more as they prefer to be called “organized hooligans.” To add to the emotional and psychological heat of the match is literal heat, as Melmond had the displeasure to play through another scorcher of a day. The sun was beating down without any mercy upon everyone at Pinealla International Stadium.
The match started out with rather exciting football and two big saves made by both goalkeepers, Carrin Oaker for Oaker and Snhp Xtfuinxm for Melmond, keeping the match scoreless. The match was scoreless until an Oaker free kick at the 16th minute. The free kick was awarded after a call was called on Melmond. The aptly named Sport Oaker took the honours for the free kick and made an admittedly brilliant kick which sailed over the Melmond wall and into the net as Melmond goalkeeper Snhp Xtfuinxm didn’t quite expect the combination of strength and arc on Sport Oaker’s free kick. Oaker takes the 1-nil lead.
After that goal, a red alert was sounded for Melmond, unfortunately as the momentum slipped for Melmond, the discipline did. Melmond defender Trav Strachan had the job to shut down Oaker striker Flash Oaker, and was doing a rather good job of it as shutting down top strikers is his specialty. But the gaining Oaker momentum was starting to frustrate him. At the 23rd minute, while trying to get in position for a cross heading to Flash Oaker, Strachan blatantly pushed him to the pitch while both were still in the air. Flash Oaker fell rather hardly on his tailbone, but jumped up right away and let everyone know he was okay. Strachan’s fate in this match was far from okay as Krytenian referee Glenn Frisk gives him the red card. Five minutes later, Melmondian midfielder Alfred Smith also makes a major airborne foul as both him and Oaker midfielder Freddy Oaker were in the air for position for a header, Alfred Smith unnecessarily raised his leg in the air, thus jump kicking Freddy Oaker in the gut. Freddy Oaker’s fall wasn’t as hard as Flash Oaker’s, but the blow to the stomach knocked the wind out of him and he had to be substituted. Freddy Oaker was replaced by Kelvin Oaker and Melmond’s Alfred Smith wasn’t replaced by anyone as he was sent off with a red card of his own at the 28th minute.
With all the momentum in the world in their favor, Oaker really poured on the attack. Melmond goalkeeper Snhp Xtfuinxm made some terrific saves, but being down two players, he could not withstand the furious Oaker attack. At the 37th minute, one of the Melmondian dream killers, Oaker striker Flash Oaker, takes advantage of the saturation of Oaker players at the attacking end and easily cleans up a Tip Oaker shot which deflected off Melmond goalkeeper Snhp Xtfuinxm. The Melmondian faithful is really feeling rather dejected as Oaker leads 2-nil and Melmond two goals and two players down.
The dejection turns into desperation during an Oaker corner kick. The Oaker people stood up from their seats as if they were expecting something great to happen. Their intuition was correct as the corner kick was headed in by the aptly named Oaker striker Tip Oaker as he scores Oaker’s third goal at the 43rd minute. Oaker takes the 3-nil lead to halftime. The heat begins to rise between the guards from The Evil Umpire and some frustrated Melmond fans during half time.
Manager David Bixler, hoping to get some urgency out there, brings in some players who haven’t played all that much yet in the World Cup qualifying. Gwen Dumont, Pauline Hulme, and Lave Serna were coming in for Sergio Ortiz, Fwynj Otsjx, and Ojfssnsj Xrnym respectively. This change brought in one positive result as on a corner kick at the 59th minute, Melmond defender Jonsi Torrini lets out a beauty of the corner kick which his headed past Oaker goalkeeper Carrin Oaker by the rangy Melmond striker Lave Serna. Serna scores hir first ever goal in international competition, but there was little celebration coming from hir as well as the Melmond side as after the goal they just jogged back to their positions to get ready for the kickoff.
The rest of the second half was just one big, cruel game of keep away being played by the Oaker side. However, that game was interrupted by a big cruel hired guard from The Evil Umpire, who ended up hitting a mad drunk Melmond fan in the head with a rock. Now the proverbial cayenne, scotch bonnet, and habanero made a fire that the kitchen could not handle. Oddly enough, the drunken Melmondian clobbered with a rock was wearing a replica jersey of Jalapeno Lewis from Big Pimento. With a combination of the frustration of Melmond’s poor performance, the oppressive heat, and the uncalled for assault from one of The Evil Umpire guards, a riot broke out at the stadium. Many Melmondians started pouring cheap Melmondian beer on the pitch and threw lit lighters on where they beer was poured. The stadium caught fire as part of the stands and pitch was engulfed in flames. Fans rushed out to escape the fire but in so started tussling with each other and having a riot of their own. Krytenia referee Glenn Frisk called it an entire match as everyone was evacuating the premises. Oaker police and fire departments had a hard time controlling the chaos, but as everything was sorted out, Pinealla International Stadium suffered through quite a bit of damage. Fortunately, human attrition was rather minimal as there were no life-threatening injuries during the riot. This reporter thinks that this rivalry has a new entrant in The Evil Umpire and a much wider scope and a stronger animosity after these events.

Goals
Fr. Oaker, OAK 16th
Fl. Oaker, OAK 37th
Ti. Oaker, OAK 43rd
Serna, MEL 59th

Cards
Strachan, MEL 23rd
Smith, MEL 28th

Standings

Other Group 3 Results
Eauz 1 – Spaam 2
The Evil Umpire 3 – Slaikau 0
Qia 2 – Insane Inflation 3

Group 3
Pts W D L GF:GA GD
1. Spaam 15 5 0 0 18:3 15
2. Eauz 12 4 0 1 14:5 9
3. Melmond 8 2 2 1 9:6 3
4. Oaker 7 2 1 2 7:4 3
5. The Evil Umpire 6 2 0 3 7:10 -3
6. Insane Inflation 4 1 1 3 6:12 -6
7. Slaikau 4 1 1 3 2:11 -9
8. Qia 1 0 1 4 4:16 -12

Team Stats
Goals: Ojfssnsj Xrnym (3), Tim Remans (3), Critandi Unne (1), Jamie Prior (1), Lave Serna (1)
Cards: Trav Strachan (1,1), Jamie Prior (1), Alfred Smith (1) Charles Unne (1),

Melmond National Team Schedule

v Insane Inflation (Frankndottir Stadium, Acosta) W 3-0
v The Evil Umpire (Vilita) W 3-1
v Slaikau (Microcosm Football Colossuseum, Aldi) T 1-1
@ Qia T 1-1
@ Oaker L 3-1
v Spaam (Melmond Bowl, Melmond City)
@ Eauz
@ Insane Inflation
v The Evil Umpire (Commerce Heights)
@ Slaikau
v Qia (Bwnlqjd Knjgi, Wzkknfs Hynd)
v Oaker (Feliz-Unne Stadium, Unne)
@ Spaam
v Eauz (Makinshakes Stadium, O’Connor)

Next Game
vs. Spaam (Melmond Bowl, Melmond City)

On paper, this matchup looks very bad for the Disappointments. Melmond coming off a loss to hated rival Oaker, and ties to bad teams Slaikau and Qia. Spaam is undefeated thus far and recently beat the top team in the world Eauz in Eauz. Also, the very unholy alliance of Oaker and The Evil Umpire is inching up on Melmond. However, one feels like something has got to give in the whole thing, and with the motivation for redemption from the embarrassing performance against Oaker, returning to Melmond to play, and the fact that Spaam has been coasting a bit too comfortably, I feel rather good about this match. However, there will be no guarantees. Manager David Bixler inserts Veronica Dean and Jake Cormier in the starting lineup to replace Trav Strachan and Alfred Smith, who are both serving red card suspensions.

GK- Snhp Xtfuinxm
D- Jonsi Torrini
D- Sergio Ortiz
D- Charles Unne
D- Veronica Dean
M- Fwynj Otsjx
M- Jake Cormier
M- Critandi Unne
M- Cristina Antunez
F- Ojfssnsj Xrnym
F- Tim Remans

Melmond Bowl
Location: Melmond City, Melmond
Seats: 92,542 (Open Air)

Melmond City is the capital and largest city in Melmond. The United Postmodernist States of Melmond grew from this ancient city which was said to be visited by the mythical light warriors. Anything and everything happens in the megalopolis known as Melmond City. The Melmond Bowl was built so that Melmond would have a national stadium of sorts as well as have a centerpiece stadium for a World Cup bid. It was built with football first at mind as it is the home of the 4-time Melmond Premier League champion Melmond City Blues. However, it also hosts events like the Exclusive Capitalizt Zone Olympics as well as many other athletic and non-athletic events. The stadium itself has a throwback bowl shape, but with all the modern amenities of skyboxes, a jumbotron, and lots and lots of restrooms for the 92,542 who can fit into the stadium. Plenty of tickets are available. There will be a pineapple ring toss tent nearby from the great people at Fearless Farm Fresh Fruit. The object is to throw pineapple rings onto the horns of a Viking helmet that a volunteer will be wearing. The winner gets free front row seats to the match.

Kelvin Johnson: Two-Goal Saviour
Liverpool England 2-0 Turnia
(Johnson 79, 84)

Liverpool England went joint-top of the table last night with two late goals from second-half substitute Kelvin Johnson winning the game. Johnson, who came on to replace the unimpressive Chris Hakins in the 56th minute, struck 11 minutes from the end and again five minutes later to seal the three points. Johnson, whose goals were his first of the qualifying campaign, later told reporters, "Sirx told me to get changed and to get ready to come on, and to do as well as I could, but I really never expected to score two goals as a second-half sub."

Johnson, who is currently without a club, is taking part in his last World Cup (although he will feature in qualifying for WC18, if there is no (successful) Liverpool England bid) and at 29, is considered by many to be playing the best football he could ever play right now. Liverpool England next travel away to co-leaders Kingsford, where one team will likely fall off the top.

Name Goals
Hawkins, Chris 4
Dennard, Tomothy 3
Johnson, Kelvin 2
Freech, Douglas 2
Cummings, Joseph 2
Borg, Paul 1
Opposition Own Goals 1

Dennisov Warming Up

The appointment of Melvina Caillier has sparked a new hope for Dennisov's qualification for World Cup 17. Although the style of play is still dull, boring and defensive, at least the team can leave the pitch with the knowledge they have won. Her recent appointment of Colton Denice to Dennisov team manager will also bring more clarity as to who is playing and who's benched.
"I realise that asking me directly is perhaps asking a little too much." mrs. Caillier explained in a press conference.

Mr. Colton Denice, known for his expertise in keeping statistics in both icehockey and baseaball will now try and come up with winning tactics and player selection and hopefully give Dennisov's opponents a list of the starting eleven before the game is played.
"I don't like surprises, there is no logic in surprises, therefore I don't like them," mr. Denice responded to a question of a reporter.

He might not like surprises, but in order for Dennisov to qualify, some still are going to be needed as the gap between automatic qualification and Dennisov's current position is dangerously wide.

Asked for his views to the last two games, mr Denice said:
"We are playing to our strenghts and for our country that has always been defending, we knew how dangerous Pliiev and Cherniakhovskij were and made sure that especially those two were neutralised."

A goal from a corner sealed the game in the 44th minute, surprising the Tadjikistan goalkeeper and his boss, Triandafillov, whom after the game announced he would step down as head coach. Former player Georgi Zhukov will take over as care take manager.

Last night's victory 1-0 over Kylaai means Dennisov is still in contention for qualification.
"There are still 8 teams fighting for qualification and we are just one of them" mr. Denice shared with the press who bothered to show up.
"We had exactly 43,456% posession of the ball, but only used 23,509% of that time properly. Statistically that means we played very defensively and that is indeed what we set out to accomplish. I have taken the liberty of making the statistics available to each of you of the various members of the press."

The only truelly interesting fact on the large volume of papers handed out during that press conference was the 75,000% contribution of Xang in goal scoring, with 3 he is Dennisov's current leading goal scorer.

Stinking forum logged me out while i typed my RP

Insane match

Totyal n Utter Insanity - The Tigers travelled to Total n Utter Insanity knowing they'd get a difficult match, and a very small chance of winning. But the Tigers wanted to fight for every inch and honor their Coach in his last match.
It were the Insanicians who took the lead in the 20th minute with a goal from Mane, finishing of a move he started himself by touching home a cross from Mccolpin. The Tigers saw it happen, but they didnt loose their courage, and took whatever opportunity they got at scoring. Their continued pressure on the Insanician goal paid off in the 41th minute when Pliiev moved down the left side and passed to Suvorov. Suvorovs shot deflected of Frohlichs leg and deceived Chasin in going into the wrong corner of the goal.
The Tigers got their equalizer and it took the Insanicians till the 72nd minute took give the Tigers and answer. Nicoletta converted a cross from Pavloski with an acrobatic right foot volley. The Insanicians were back in the lead again.
The Tigers didnt want to give up, losing would have been disatrous. But the Tigers coudnt finish off the chances they created. Eventually they got what they wanted when Bagramian placed a free kick into the far right corner of the Insanician goal. The Insanicians came close to winning in the last minutes of the match but Mane's shot was blocked by Yashin.

The draw keeps Tadjikistan on the 4th place with 7 points, directly followed Kylaai and Dennisov. the three team each have 7 points but Tadjikistan has a better GD. The Tigers will now travel to NASTIC 2, nr 44 on the ranking list and currently number 3 in the group. The Tigers can only catch up with NASTIC 2 if they win. It wont be easy, with a new coach in enemy territory, but losing is no option "Losing means we'd have to hope for our opponents to do the same, there'd be a difference of 6 points between us and NASTIC 2, we must do anything we can to avoid that." Said Georgi Zhukov, Triandafillovs replacement. We can only hope the team will play as it did today.

Total n Utter Insanity 2-2 Tadjikistan

Goals
Mane 20'(1-0), Suvorov 41'(1-1), Nicoletta 72'(2-1), Bagramian 84'(2-2)


Tadjikistan:
Yashin, Kuznetsov, Managarov, Zhilenkov, Gromov, Pliiev, Bagramian, Pavlov, Chuikov, Suvorov, Chernbiakhovskij

Total n Utter Insanity:
Chasin, Nicolais, Salmonson, Frohlich, Windschitl, Eastlick, Pavloski, Mccolpin, Dunomes, Mane, Nicoletta

MD1: Tadjikistan - Kylaai L 1-2
MD2: Artoonia - Tadjikistan W 0-3
MD3: Tadjikistan - Pterodactyl W 4-0
MD4: Dennisov - Tadjikistan L 1-0
MD5: Total n Utter Insanity - Tadjikistan D 2-2
MD6: NASTIC 2 - Tadjikistan
MD7: Tadjikistan - Lemmitania
MD8: Kylaai - Tadjikistan
MD9: Tadjikistan - Artoonia
MD10:Pterodactyl - Tadjikistan
MD11:Tadjikistan - Dennisov
MD12:Tadjikistan - Total n Utter Insanity
MD13:Tadjikistan - NASTIC 2
MD14:Lemmitania - Tadjikistan

Omniworld move up the ladder
World Cup Match Day 5

The Omniworld greens defeated Mikele 3:0 in a great match that has pushed the team up to
sixth on the Group 6 ladder Hoy said "We are pleased with our performance and are looking
foward to keep it going." Freedman made an instant impact on the team to score 2 goals.
"I am happy with Freedman's performance" Said Hoy. The other goal was scored by Peacock.
Hoy said "I think we are a chance for the play-off spots if we can get a few more games up"
when asked for a prediction. Let's hope he is right.

Omniworld 3:0 Mikele

From: President@Spaam.sp
To: Media@WorldCup.org

Subject: Thanks for all the fish
Date: Mon, 03 May 1097

> Your latest World Cup results are:
> Eauz: 1
> Spaam: 2
> At Eauz
>
> Scorers: (Spaam) Hasselbank 15, 44
> (Eauz) Dr X 82

Woo! After god knows how many straight losses to Eauz, it is good to see my
team beat them at their own game. I wish I could say more, but I'm currently
travelling through this strange nation called England. They say they are
really good at football, but I've never heard of them before. I'm on my way
to what they call the Stonehenge, which is so obviously an elven
temple. But they don't have any elven people here, not even any half-elves!
At least they speak the Common tongue, though with a really strange accent.

Give my thanks to Master Hasselbank, who scored both our goals. He will be
well celebrated when I return in a couple of months time. And I look forward
to participating more in the discussions as well. Glad to see the hosts have
been doing such a good job, and I am more than thankful that Spaam is finally
one of the top teams again, though knowing the evil god Murphy, it prolly
won't last long.

Best Wishes,
Finrod

------------------------------
President of the Union of Spaam
President@Spaam.sp
Do you Spahoo!?
------------------------------

Where's My Blender? Zucchinis felled 3-1
We did say Starblaydia had ambitions for more, remember?

With three wins in a row, this is the Starblaydia National Team's greatest streak ever. Though the Under-21s went seven games unbeaten, the full team has never won more than two in a row. Four Wins out of five is yet another statistic that Starblaydis will be enthralled by. Be warned, however, that there are many more statistics, results and other things that require concentration, so when you get to the end of this report and see tabl after table after table, don't come crying to me that you weren't prepared for it.

Reverting back to a diamond 4-4-2 formation, for those of you that are interested in that sort of thing, Starblaydia had the edge over the Giant Zucchinis from beginning to end. Well, not quite from the beginning as in the fifth minute, a dodgy corner led to a Moses Brown own goal as the ball looped in off his head. Replays suggest a push in the back as he jumped but the referee, Tiger Oaker from, unsurprisingly, Oaker, didn't see it as allowed the own goal to stand.

Around ten minutes later 'goal machine' Simeone Di Bradini, who top-scored 10 goals in 18 games to take Alan City to the Belmorian Championship, fired Starblaydia level after som good work by Eomer Hall. Hall then got his own goal to put Starblaydia in the lead going into the half-time break.

In the second half, the match threatened to break down into a brawl after a horrible challenge on Michael Hawthorne. With studs raked across his thigh and blood flowing, Hawthorne lay on the gound as chaos erupted around him. With a flurry of pushing and shoving, Moses Brown was in the wars again, receiving a football at high speed to his groin. This prompted the commentator at the match to say:

"Don't rub 'em, son. Count 'em!"

With the referee showing just one booking to Simon Hill after the scuffle, fans and playing staff alike were left wondering just who Tiger Oaker's Opticians were, if if he should think about changing them.

With Stefan Haldorsson nursing a minor thigh injury, Vladimir Tsarev came on in a move that saw Starblaydia drop into a flat-four in midfield. With two attacking-left-backs down the left side of the park, fans and commentators were wondering how this would work.

The answer was "great!" as Salaam and Tsarev combined time and time again down the left with runs and passing movements that exposed the Zucchinis time and time again. With around twelve minutes to go Salaam a Tsarev swept down the left wing and into the box with a series of one-twos and through-balls which saw Tsarev in the box to stroke home a beautiful play for 3-1.

Guylain N'Dumbu-Nsungu's reign as manager is certainly off to a good start.

Final Score:
Giant Zucchini 1 - 3 Starblaydia
(Brown o.g. 5) - (S. Di Bradini 14, Hall 38, Tsarev 78)

Group 9 Results on MD5:
Commerce Heights [1] Iansisle [0]
Giant Zucchini [1] Starblaydia [3]
Sarzonia [2] Oceaice [1]
Liechtenistan [1] Pure Evil [1]

---Group 9 Table----
[1] Commerce Heights 5 5 0 0 14-2 15
[2] Starblaydia 5 4 0 1 14-3 12
<3> Giant Zucchini 5 4 0 1 11-6 12
<4> Iansisle 5 3 0 2 11-6 9
5- Sarzonia 5 3 0 2 5-6 9
6- Liechtenistan 5 0 1 4 5-12 1
7- Pure Evil 5 0 1 4 3-21 1
8- Oceaice 5 0 0 5 4-11 0

MD01: Starblaydia 6-0 Pure Evil
MD02: Sarzonia 2-1 Starblaydia
MD03: Starblaydia 3-0 Oceaice
MD04: Liechtenistan 0-1 Starblaydia
MD05: Giant Zucchini 1-3 Starblaydia
NEXT: Starblaydia Vs Iansisle @ Iota "Big Eye" Area, Penningworth (85,000 Capactiy, Penningworth United)


Starblaydia Goal Tally:
Player Goals Total Goals
-------------------------------------
S. Di Bradini 4 17
E. Hall 3 12
J.J. Stark 2 4
A. Ol-wairain 1 6
R. Di Bradini 1 3
C. Salisbury 1 3
S. Hill 1 2
V. Tsarev 1 2

Jeruselem Government News

Jeruselem hold off the Trojans as Group 8 favourites win on day 4

World Cup XVII group continues to be lop-sided as the top 4 all got the points again. Lovisa and Bedistan won their 4th game as lower teams failed to hail their charge to qualify. Spurland followed up their win against Jeruselem with a NIL all draw with Krytenia who slipped back to fourth.

Carthage and Troy caused a stir to lead 2-0 against the more fancied Jeruselem but they crumbled as Jeruselem managed to claw back to win a thrilling 3-2 game where the fragility of the weaker teams reared it ugly head again. Goals to Jesus Jones, Abdula Shidmara and a penalty goal scored by the Jeruselem keeper ended the hopes of the Trojans.


Group 8:
Vorpal Bunnies [1] Bedistan [3]
Dance 2 Revolution [0] Lovisa [3]
Spurland [0] Krytenia [0]
Carthage and Troy [2] Jeruselem [3]

---Group 8----
[1] Lovisa 4 4 0 0 13-2 12
[2] Bedistan 4 4 0 0 12-3 12
<3> Jeruselem 4 3 0 1 8-5 9
<4> Krytenia 4 2 1 1 8-4 7
5- Spurland 4 1 1 2 3-4 4
6- Dance 2 Revolution 4 1 0 3 4-8 3
7- Carthage and Troy 4 0 0 4 5-14 0
8- Vorpal Bunnies 4 0 0 4 2-15 0

Jeruselem Government News

Jeruselem survive Krytenian test as big guns fight it out

Match day 5 - it was 1st vs 2nd and 3rd vs 4th. Bedistan and Lovisa clashed to determine bragging rights to see who was going to be undefeated. The Lions roared as Bedistan showed their ranking as clobber Lovisa 3-1 and take the 1st position in group 8.

Another vital game was Jeruselem vs Krytenia. Jeruselem had played the bottom 4 and lost only one game. This was a real test and the Crusaders showed they were worthy top 4 position holders winning 2-1 to keep Krytenia 4th and have the same points as Lovisa.

Poor old Vorpal Bunnies ran to some Trojans and got minced 4-1. Dance 2 Revolution won it's 2nd game upsetting Spurland in the less than entertaining game.


Group 8:
Bedistan [3] Lovisa [1]
Krytenia [1] Jeruselem [2]
Dance 2 Revolution [1] Spurland [0]
Carthage and Troy [4] Vorpal Bunnies [1]

---Group 8----
[1] Bedistan 5 5 0 0 15-4 15
[2] Lovisa 5 4 0 1 14-5 12
<3> Jeruselem 5 4 0 1 10-6 12
<4> Krytenia 5 2 1 2 9-6 7
5- Dance 2 Revolution 5 2 0 3 5-8 6
6- Spurland 5 1 1 3 3-5 4
7- Carthage and Troy 5 1 0 4 9-15 3
8- Vorpal Bunnies 5 0 0 5 3-19 0

Le LIBRE

Spaam Clogging things up

Coming home, Les Bleus were set to face off against who Eauz was expecting to beat. Les Bleus though were short one player, due to the fact that they got stuck in II. Les Bleus had to find someone to replace them. Apparently, the recruiter was out in the streets and found a doctor named Dr. X. Les Bleus officials wrote on an old Jersey “Dr. X”, and Les Bleus finally had their full team. This “Dr. X” was playing as a mid-fielder.

The match started as Les Bleus were surprised by the early Spaam attack. The time ticked by, as Les Bleus found it hard to clear the ball. They finally got it out of their zone during the 7th minute of play, putting on a small attack which resulted in nothing. Spaam was back on the attack and finally something went positively for their team against Les Bleus, with a long attempt by Hasselbank, which seemed to trick Rousoi a bit, curving towards the left side, and into the net, with no challenge by Rousoi. Spaam went up 1 – 0 at the 15th minute of play. From then, Les Bleus did not look like they were in the match, as a record low, 3 shots were taken on goal against the Spaam keeper. Sure you could say the Spaam defence was great, but Les Bleus just looked horrible during the first half. Before the first half ended, the stalemate of very little action after the 15th minute of play stopped as once again Hasselbank got the ball and scored on a pass and go, putting Spaam up 2 – 0 going into the second half. Eauz fans were booing and throwing things on the field in disgust of their national team. Fans could not believe that their once powerful team, was down 2 – 0 halfway through the match. The one bright spot for Les Bleus though is that the “Dr. X” who was taken off the streets had 2 of the 3 Eauz shots taken in that first half.

The second half brought about more stalemate between the two teams, as most of the play was in the middle of the field. The 55th minute of play, Rousseau was pulled down in the penalty zone, giving Les Bleus a free kick. Alia took the kick, but doing a David Beckham, sent the ball soaring overtop of the net. The booing became worse and worse from the Eauz fans, as they tried to figure out what happened to the Eauz team they remember. What happened to the 14 goals scored in 4 matches? The Spaam defence though was weakening, as Les Bleus achieved 7 shots on net during the second half. The second half was running out of time, as Les Bleus were stressing to find anything they could start an attack on. During the 82nd minute of play, Alia passed the ball to Vasser, who quickly gave it to Dr. X. Dr. X pushed the ball up towards the keeper, evading the Spaam defence. With one defender staying close to Dr. X, Dr. X took the shot, and then fell down. The ball went through the Spaam keepers legs, giving Les Bleus their first goal of the match. Eauz fans were excited to see just something positive come from their poor performing team, and were chanting “Dr. X” for a few minutes after the goal. Many fans were rushing to receive their Dr. X jerseys, but to their surprise, there were no Dr. X jerseys in the store. Many wondered who this player was. Despite the happy Eauz fans, the score stayed the same to the end, as Spaam finally after many tries beat Les Bleus 2 – 1. With the loss, Les Bleus fall 3 points down from Spaam, and will be looking to get back to their winning ways against Oaker. Many experts suggested that Les Bleus lost mostly from the jet-leg and the problems they had in their last match. The coach will be looking to take the few days off to get his team back in shape and form and ready to play properly. Les Bleus though, just looked horrid, in the match against Spaam, which could be dangerous if they are to have any chance in qualifying.



---Group 3----
[1] Spaam 5 5 0 0 18-3 15
[2] Eauz 5 4 0 1 14-5 12
<3> Melmond 5 2 2 1 9-6 8
<4> Oaker 5 2 1 2 7-4 7
5- The Evil Umpire 5 2 0 3 7-10 6
6- Insane Inflation 5 1 1 3 6-12 4
7- Slaikau 5 1 1 3 2-11 4
8- Qia 5 0 1 4 4-16 1


Schedule

Match Day 1: The Evil Umpire @ Eauz W 0 – 3
Match Day 2: Eauz @ Slaikau W 2 – 0
Match Day 3: Qia @ Eauz W 1 – 4
Match Day 4: Eauz @ Insane Inflation W 4 – 2
Match Day 5: Spaam @ Eauz L 2 – 1
Match Day 6: Eauz @ Oaker
Match Day 7: Melmond @ Eauz
Match Day 8: Eauz @ The Evil Umpire
Match Day 9: Slaikau @ Eauz
Match Day 10: Eauz @ Qia
Match Day 11: Insane Inflation @ Eauz
Match Day 12: Eauz @ Spaam
Match Day 13: Oaker @ Eauz
Match Day 14: Eauz @ Melmond


*Side note: Are you all happy I didn't change the story line to the way I wanted it to be? Hurrah!

Stars look for first road win

The Sarzonian national team has enjoyed success in the qualifying campaign for World Cup 17 -- at home. In front of rabid fans at the Palestra in Woodstock, Timbers Stadium in Portland, and the Snake Pit in Saugerties, the Sarzonians have beaten two higher ranked sides.

However, the team's run of prosperity ends as soon as they board the plane. They have yet to score and have given up four goals in their two away matches, including their opener against top seed and 10th ranked Commerce Heights.

The Stars will try to notch their first away win of this qualifying campaign against the seventh seeded Liechtenistan national team. Coach Bryan Marshall said the team would "pull out all the stops" against the Stars.

"They just notched their first [standings] point," Marshall said. "They're going to see an opportunity to beat a team that's struggled away from home. We're going to have to play a full 90 minutes in this match to win."

The Stars said they would stay with the same starting 11 they used in the win against Oceaice with defender William Jackson still injured. Despite the team's recent play in a 3-5-2 formation, the team looked comfortable in a 4-4-2 with defender Emacio and Lance Alcina in the lineup, and central defender Corey Hemby has steadily improved.

"They know each other well," Mike Coyle, the other member of the Stars back line said. "It makes things a lot easier defensively when everyone's on the same page."

Offensively, the team is looking for better flow between their midfield and forwards. Forward Anton Gregor (one goal) has had a subpar qualifying campaign so far, Marshall said.

"His touch is just off right now," Marshall said. "Perhaps it's a function of not being in every single match. He's used to playing the full 90 and playing every match, so sitting out one [red card suspension] and leaving one early takes him out of his rhythm. It's going to take a little while to build that back up."

Marshall said goalkeeper Troy Perkins would start the match against Liechtenistan, but said reserve keeper Kerry Tanner would "probably" start against unranked Pure Evil.

"We need to get Kerry some playing time, but we also want Troy to be sharp," Marshall said. "If this match gets out of hand, we'll consider a goalkeeper substitution to keep Troy fresh for the rematch against Commerce Heights."

The team already announced that their home match against Commerce Heights would be in Hendrix Stadium in Woodstock instead of the usual home of the Woodstock Wild, the Palestra.

"Hendrix Stadium was built for the gridball [OOC: American football] team that never got off the ground," forward Brian Wilson said. "It's huge, but it's also built to contain a lot of noise, and there will be a lot of Sarzonian fans."

The team announced the match was already a sellout, and announced that Commerce Heights fans would be "strongly discouraged" to attend.

"I don't think I can guarantee their safety if they're [Commerce Heights supporters] too loud," Woodstock Police Chief Chip Moose said. "Besides, they'd have to fork over a lot of Sarzonian dollars to pry tickets from our fans. This is the hottest ticket in Sarzonia. It sold out five minutes after the announcement."

The Daily Indoctrinator
Slaiteredkau

The classic plan of throwing rocks and garbage at the competition has worked beautifully again as we slaughtered Slaikau 3-nil. Vamphir Tea Bag was strong from consuming all the blood spilled from the Slaikau players as he scores a hat trick. Kudos to the Oaker riot!

ASNN - Stars and Druids battle to nails tough tie

Mawr, NEWI Cefn Druids - The Stars and Druids faced each other, hard nosed and silent while the their national anthems were being played. Silently, each and every one of the players were saying their prayers for their team and their countries. They took their opening formation and the whistle blew. The game began, and what lived up to it's billing as the best soccer Group 7 has to offer. Sir McKay said to the press before the game, "This will be an indicator of our progression since I took power of the team in WC15. If we can win this, we deserve to regain our number nine spot."

The game began with back and forth runs against each goal, with two or three quality scoring chances for each team. Kassen Illius and Pavel Julios each played pivotal roles in feeding the forwards with excellent, on the run passes, and supporting the defence during the attacks by the Druids forwards Liam Po and Trevor Law, whose excellent ball handling skills managed to keep the defence on their toes for most of the game. The game continued with swift back and for game, with several tense physical moments during questionable tackles, which went totally uncalled, thanks to ultra-lenient Melmondi ref Uvher Eckstream. Peter Bearclaw and his massive size helped the Clans win the early physical battles, but he had to back down after receiving a yellow card for a shoving match with Trevor Madison.

The Stars opened the scoring during late in the first half, after a unforcasted torrential rainstorm hit the Hole. Pushing through the mud, in a goal that was striking similar to the one he scored against Belgrad West during the last ASPL season, he made it past the rushes by Amos Hinton and Ron Lambeale, and to lift it out of the mud through sheer power and chip it past keeper Lee Bell to put the Clans up 1-0. As the half came to a close, the Druids were in shock. But in the second half, they ratcheted up the pressure as they took a total of thirty shots on goal in the second half.

The pressure continued to be raised as the Stars stopped everything, though there were several very close chances from the Druids, but the defensive pair of Hounder McGraff and Moe West held the down the fort and Carlos Rotios made several brilliant stops to keep the lead 1-0. But as teh game began to reach to a close, the pressure exerted by the strikers and midfielders of the Druids began to raise to intolerable levels. The Stars were bound to crack, but whether they could take advantage, that would be a story. As extra time was raised, the Druids beat Moe West as field conditions deteriorated. The field was turned into a giant mudball, and everyone was having an incredibly difficult time moving around.

Trevor Law pressed the ball through the mud, and miffed on a shot that caused Rotios to dive into the mud, giving him n open shot at the net, and he didn't miss. The game ended tied.

TLC Stars 1 - 1 NEWI Cefn Druids
Bearclaw (45th, No Assist)

The Bedistan Sports Digest

Top o' the Table
Lovisa fall from ivory tower with Lions' help

PORT LUSAMBO -- Though Hurricane Peter has slowed down (it was originally projected to hit Columbia right about now), the BFA stayed true to their word and went ahead with the Lions' third home match of WC17 qualifying at Akoki Stadium in Port Lusambo, the largest city in the Jativan Islands. The opponent was Lovisa, who had managed to win all of their first four games, staying ahead of Bedistan in the Group 8 standings on goal difference the whole way through.

But the Lovisan dream of going undefeated was smashed in Port Lusambo by what nearly all could tell was a superior Bedistani squad. Lovisa certainly is not bad at the game -- there's a reason why they're in the top 20. But compared with the Bedistan Lions, who have stayed near the top for decades now, they didn't stand a chance. Shots rained on the Lovisa goal for 90 solid minutes, broken only by the break at halftime. When the dust finally cleared, the home team had roared their way to another 3-1 victory.

"We're hitting our stride now," said manager Brandon Barton after the match. "And the fans are loving it too, so it seems."

Final score:
Bedistan 3 (Reinhardt 25, 37; Xi 57)
Lovisa 1 (Lunz 26)

Referee: Julian Sturmdrang [STB]
Attendance: 84,680

The Schedule

MD01: Bedistan 2-0 Dance 2 Revolution (Holmes Stadium, Columbia; att 73481)
MD02: Spurland 0-2 Bedistan
MD03: Bedistan 5-2 Carthage and Troy (Holmes Stadium, Columbia; att 68940)
MD04: Vorpal Bunnies 1-3 Bedistan
MD05: Bedistan 3-1 Lovisa (Akoki Stadium, Port Lusambo; att 84680)
MD06: Krytenia v Bedistan
MD07: Bedistan v Jeruselem (Stephen Rogers Mem. Stad., Yuba)
MD08: Dance 2 Revolution v Bedistan
MD09: Bedistan v Spurland (venue TBA)
MD10: Carthage and Troy v Bedistan
MD11: Bedistan v Vorpal Bunnies (venue TBA)
MD12: Lovisa v Bedistan
MD13: Bedistan v Krytenia (venue TBA)
MD14: Jeruselem v Bedistan

Crystils take spot up top

The new-look Crystils took to the field in a top of the table clash with The Belmore Family, a newly created rivalry with much tension behind it. The two teams first met in the semi finals of the Cup of Harmony, and The Belmore Family won that round on their way to winning the whole tournament. When the two teams were drawn again together in their world cup qualifying group, everyone knew that the two matches between the teams would bring a high level of intensity, but not even the best of theorists could have predicted that the two teams would be facing off for the group lead, instead of playoff seeding.

The Crystils started with the same lineup that so easily disposed of Omniworld on matchday 4, including new face Jules Hitoto in defense. Many fans had called for Reidulf Piao to get a position in the starting lineup but head coach Hazem Emam felt that there was no way he could break up the partnership of Toader Pold and Carlo Romano when it has been working so well. Coach Emam's faith in the players was repaid early as both Pold and Romano got on the scoresheet in the first half. Pold set the tone of the match with a piercing run right through the heart of The Belmore Family defense and easily putting the Crystils one goal up. The home crowd was left in a deafening silence when Romano followed up with a second 10 minutes later, after Pold placed an inch perfect ball to the feet of Romano 6 yards out leaving no chance for The Belmore Family's goalkeeper.

Coach Emam introduced Reidulf Piao to the delight of the increasingly loud Crystilakere support, and the young striker immediately showed his potential by earning a corner with his first touch. The Belmore Family almost struck back as Crystilakere pushed up for the corner, but Emilliano Addis stood tall to deny the long range effort. Carlo Romano wrapped up the afternoon with his second goal of the game with 15 minutes left to play, sending the Crystilakere support into cheers, and The Belmore Family support towards the exits a bit early with his brilliant 20 yard strike. Crystilakere 3-0 The Belmore Family

The referee for the match was Marco Bindschädler from Liechtenistan

Crystilakere are now leading the group table after 5 games. The Crystils have the same record as The Belmore Family, but have +8 superior goal differential in comparison with the second placed team. Raptor Claw is 2 points behind in 3rd and Europa Brittania is 3 behind in 4th, so it's still up for grabs. Omniworld won another game and could become a factor but Dead Man and Mikele do not look to be making an impact in the group.


---Group 6----
[1] Crystilakere 5 4 0 1 14-3 12
[2] The Belmore Family 5 4 0 1 9-6 12
<3> Raptor Claw 5 3 1 1 11-9 10
<4> Europa Brittania 5 3 0 2 10-8 9
5- Tanah Burung 5 2 1 2 10-7 7
6- Omniworld 5 2 0 3 7-10 6
7- Dead Man 5 1 0 4 3-7 3
8- Mikele 5 0 0 5 2-16 0




Crystilakere Team


COACH: Hazem Emam


GK Emiliano Addis
D L-R Jules Hitoto
D -C- Filippo Ferraro <- He Scores Headers Off Corners
D -CR Donato Arrigoni
DDM L Oussent Nón
M -CR Maurizio Cavallo
M -C- Darren Whelan
M -C- Giuseppe Zucco*
M LC- Sebastan Wolf
F Carlo Romano
F Toader Pold*

SUBS FROM--

--GK
Gaetano Novello
Alwasi Tystrup*
Alcir Barbara*
--D
Alejandro Ayala
Dimitri Ferraro
Francesco Schiavon*
Salvatore Redaelli*
Rene' Niljssen*
Abdelilah Escobar*
--M
Riccardo Vecchi
Paolo Gallo
Massimiliano Rosi*
Giovanni Quira*
--F
Reidulf Piao*
Christian Benedetti
Benjamin Kuhn*
Michael Baker*

The Aeropag Tribune - Keeping 2.75 billion Capitalizts under control since 18 TE

World Cup Report - Matchday 5
Iansisle @ Commerce Heights
CHORION BLUFFS, CH - A close inspection of the crowd at Chorion Industries Stadium revealed almost no Iansisle fans that had traveled to Commerce Heights to watch their team. The roaring sea of gold and green, supporters of the Capitalizts, nearly filled the stadium's 90,000 seats, and many more had gathered in nearby skyscrapers to watch. Even with the obvious disadvantage of being the visiting team in a highly patriotic (OOC: earning money is considered 'patriotic') nation, they played well, scoring two obviously-legal goals that were ruled offsides by Won Eckstream, the Melmondian referee. Knowing that Eckstream had almost certainly been bribed, the crowd started to chant before halftime, "WE WANT BRIBES!" The score remained 0-0 at halftime, and Rejis'slani'ny told the team about their excellent performance. After halftime, Simoleon tossed a §500 coin to Eckstream, who gave him a yellow card with sharpened edges. He finally found a chance to score in the 70th minute, distracting the Ian goalie with a 'paper cut' and using the window of opportunity to make the score 1-0. After the stunt, Iansisle moved to a 2-2-6 formation, but their repeated attacks were not enough to stop the Capitalizts from winning their 5th consecutive game.

Records Broken
CH: Most consecutive games won (tied: 5, WC10Q, WC15-WC16Q)

Day Opponent Result
1 SARZONIA W 2-0
2 Oceaice W 1-0
3 LIECHTENISTAN W 3-1
4 Pure Evil W 7-1
5 IANSISLE W 1-0
6 Giant Zucchini

[1] Commerce Heights 5 5 0 0 14-2 15
[2] Starblaydia 5 4 0 1 14-3 12
<3> Giant Zucchini 5 4 0 1 11-6 12
<4> Iansisle 5 3 0 2 11-6 9
5- Sarzonia 5 3 0 2 5-6 9
6- Liechtenistan 5 0 1 4 5-12 1
7- Pure Evil 5 0 1 4 3-21 1
8- Oceaice 5 0 0 5 4-11 0

Punic Observer - Carthage and Troy get their first World Cup Victory!

After Carthage and Troy's far from impressive start, the team may have finally found their feet as they thrashed the Vorpal Bunnies 4-1 on match day 5.

The first goal was scored by Eshmunazar Fierelus in the 12th minute, he headed the ball passed the Vorpal keeper from a well aimed corner from Baalham Nunyez, who made his debut world cup appearance, replacing the rather over rapacious Haggith Abimiki.

Then in the 29th minute, Dani Garcia scored a powerful long range shot into the top corner to put Carthage and Troy up 2-0.

At the start of the first half, the Vorpal Bunnies got a goal back, but any hopes of a close game were crushed when Dani Garcia scored his second goal on a left footed across the goal mouth shot from just right of the six yard box after beating the Bunny defender to the ball from a long range overhead pass from Quim Cardona.

Finally, Carthage and Troy ended the game with well aimed drive into the bottom right corner from the FC Caralis right winger Salicar Savioli in the 87th minute.

It only takes a minute girl, to win a match!

Happened to be the last one this time

D2R hosted Spurland in Match Day 5 with Spurland, with 4 points, above D2R, with 3 points, neither having extremely good records over the previous 4 days. This was simply a fight for 5th place and being the team with a hope of qualification, a win here was essential for a morale boost for the playoff dogfight.

The first half was scrappy as expected, with 27 fouls after 45' and 5 yellows. The best chance came on 42' when <9> was brought through on goal after a well-weighted pass from <8> and was then brought down sloppily by Derinda who recieved a Straight Red Card with no delay. The penalty was taken by <7> who mis-hit it blinding over.

The 2nd half started off as the 1st half ended, scrappily. Not much real play building up, Spurland not exploiting the what had become a 3-4-2 formation being used by D2R.

The fans were pouring out of the stadium at 78' and beyond, not impressed by what they saw, and there was barely 10,000 fans to see what would ensue. "El Salvador", starting for injured Maeda, made one last blistering run down the wing, finished with a low cross, which reached goal-stalker Ruun Van Mushruum who was left with a simple tap in. 1-0 to D2R with 5 seconds to play.

Obviously Spurland could not reply and the game finished 1-0.

Final Score
Dance 2 Revolution 1 (Ruun Van Mushruum 90', Derinda off 42')
Spurland 0 (<7> Missed Penalty 42')
Attendance: 54,329

http://www.dirt-racing.com/3wide/sites/vilita/vn/tn/logo.gif

Turori Shuffle Backroom Staff

-------------The Football Association of Turori (FAT) held a press conference following the arrival of the National Team from their trip to One Red Dot on Matchday five of the World Cup 17 Qualifiers. Football Association of Turori president Noinu Laredell was joined by former National Team Head coach Gisterfred Q. Disterfred, former Assistant Manager Mauritus Banda, team captain Cuolia Tuirma and Vilitan National and Marine Coast United striker Callum Banda. Laredell was the first of the four to speak in what appeared to be a series of pre-written speeches.

"Hello, and thank you for coming today. I think you will be very pleased with what we have for you today, first let me introduce to you, I'm sure you all know, from the Turori coaching staff, Gisterfred Q. Disterfred, Mauritus Banda. From the playing staff, the National Captain, Cuolia Tuirma. And of course, I'm sure a man that needs no introduction, Vilitan National all-time top scorer and sports figure of the year, Marine Coast United's own, Callum Banda."

"Again I'd like to thank you all for coming today. As you all know, the Football Association of Turori has been pretty successful on the National level since our inception following World Cup 14. We went out in our first ever tournament, the Baptism of Fire Cup before World Cup 15, and, after a slow start, we won it. And we beat some pretty damn good teams to do it, Krytenia, Oaker, Lykaia, Haperd, just to name a few. Then we went out, and in my opinion, topped that performance in the World Cup 15 qualifiers, losing just twice over 18 games, once to eventual group winners Bedistan, a world class team by anyones regard. We missed out on qualification that time around, but as a new team, going unbeaten 16 of 18 was treat enough to take back home with us. We came back next time out, and did even better, taking control of teams like Giant Zucchini, only to miss out again, not on points, but on goal differential at the last gasp. Obviously it was nice to win the Eagle's Cup in the first attempt, It was a very difficult competition, and I think Turori would have been picked by most to finish closer to last in the Cup than First. But as nice as winning the Eagle's Cup is, our Football Association has to have other goals."

"We, as a football association, have got to bring joy to our people, and not do it all the way away in The Eagle's Nest. We've got to win our Home matches in the World Cup qualifiers. We can't be drawing, or losing, we have to be winning. We have to perform well in the AOCAF Cup. For the second straight cup, we will be just a hop, skip and a jump from the host Nation, and this time, We've got to make an impact. We've got to challenge NEWI Cefn Druids, We've got to Challenge Vilita & Crystilakere. We've got to make and impact in the AOCAF, and we have not done it. Yes winning the Eagle's Cup is great, but how does it look if we can topple all these great teams, then lose to Haperd. Draw at Pedriana. Finish 14th in the Cup of Harmony 15, out of 16 teams. We've got the potential for greatness here in Turori, we just need the right person to harness it. That is why, I'd like to introduce to you, the new Head Coach of the Turori National Team, Mr. Mauritus Banda!!!"

The Reporters cheered and the photographers snapped photos as both Laredell and Mauritus Banda stood up, shook hands and posed for the media. After a few minutes of this photo session, the two sat down again, the reporters returned to their places, and Mauritus Banda leaned toward his microphone.

"Thank You!" "Thank you everyone for your kind reception. It is with great honor that I accept the role of Head Coach of the Turori National team. This has been a position I have long desired, since the inception of the Turori FA, I had dreams of one day coaching the National Team. Now, that dream has become a reality. I will have a tough act to follow, though, in my teammate, and my friend, Gisterfred Q. Disterfred. Gisty brought the Eagle's Cup home to Turori, and led the team to a great run in the World Cup 16 Qualifiers. I wouldn't be able to do this job without his help. That is why he will remain on board as my Assistant Manager. Gisty will also be helping me pick the squad for the games against Gesamtkuntswerk and Rejistania, and will continue selecting the Goalkeeper for every Turori match, beit on the Senior or youth level."

Gisterfred Q. Disterfred leaned forward in his chair, and cleared his throat. He had an uneasy, tired look on his face, and his long hair covered most of his face. He brushed his hair aside, and addressed the media.

"I could not have picked a finer successor myself, and the Turori National team will be in great hands with Mauritus. He was former team captain and all the lads look up to him. I was already on my way out, and as a goalkeeper, I didn't interact with the rest of the team as much as Mauritus did, so maybe he'll be just what we need to get us over the final hurdle, and into the World Cup finals."

Vilitan National Striker Callum Banda stood up, presented his brother with a new-look Turori National uniform with the word "GAFFER" accross the shoulders, and the group posed for about 15 minutes worth of photographs.


--------------------------------------------------------------------
Ao1b(8 ............... OouYvaiVYaqkBWjwIIOB ............. 001092019726X9

Gesamtsieg

The Orange-Blues played against Gesamkuntswerk in the sold out Sen-La-Sa~o Relekhati Stadium in KaMaRi kali, Riandu kalesa. While the previous matches were against the oddball-teams like Ravea, which have no international reputation of any kind, this match was against highest ranked opponent in their group. This time, not a bunch of substitutes played (even though they played pretty well), but all top players. For a strange reason, Laxtu Takil decided for an attacking 4-3-3 formation, similar to a System Hangila, but not exactly the same. The nameless Sturms played in a 4-4-2 formation. Referee was the slanitopian Dex Zuanaobauaobc.

The Orange-Blues had a worse start than the Sturms, but gained slowly dominance. However it were the Sturms, who scored first. Despite Oaker'he being in a clear offside position, Dex Zuanaobauaobc did count the goal. Even a few Gesy fans booed at the decision, even though they were silenced quickly by the others. Gesamtkuntswerk was leading 1:0. The Orange-Blues attacked early and often, they numerous good chances, but apparently the referee was more than just slightly against them. Rejistanian fans started chanting "where is your seeing-eye dog?" but the slanitanian with the simple name knew no rejistani. When during half time, the rejistani police advised him to put on a bullet proof vest and wear a helmet, he seemed to realize that he just became the most hated person for 2 billion fanatic fans. Aftter heated discussions between Dex Zuanaobauaobc and the Gesamtkuntswerk officials, the second half started a bit late. This time, Dex Zuanaobauaobc apparently canceled the deal with the Sturms (Rejistanian fans assumed there was one in their chants). When SyMji's shot went past goalie Oaker'he, the slanitopian did not see an offside position or a dubious foul. Also the free kick for a Gesy foul, which led to the 2:1 was justified. Gesamtkuntswerk had some chances, but the Orange-Blue defense was in good form and especially Sasijilvenku Dikelesinivetisaru and Kadu Hsen were in top form. In the last minute, Jenji Y, who was substituted in in the 80th minute, increased the lead once more, after a corner kick by Hsenu Kira. Despite the victory, referee Dex Zuanaobauaobc left the country protected by the police.

The result
Rejistania 3 (Lyku 56th, Ju 79th, Y 89th)
Gesamtkuntswerk 1 (Oaker 19th)

Le LIBRE

Oaker vs. Eauz

Having fortunately recently returned from II, Henri Manners, trained with Les Bleus a few days ago and is looking to be in better form. As for Dr. X, no one is sure where he went to, but he will be missed by many Eauz fans and players, for preventing what could have been a very embarrassing moment for Les Bleus during the Spaam match. Les Bleus will travel in a few days to Oaker, to face off against this surprise team of the past world cup. Currently though, Oaker is sitting in 4th place, 1 point away from the 3rd and final place. There has been no history between these two teams though, as Oaker is considered a “new” team to the world cup. Just by stats, it would appear, Les Bleus would take this match by a low score, but a reasonable one, but obviously, stats don’t control who wins.

Citizens of Eauz know very little about Oaker, aside from the basic description of every nation by the NS UN. The country seems to be a fence sitter, not really leaning to any political side, and looking at the roster of Oaker, it appears, they could also be another inbreed country, because all the players last names finish with Oaker.

As for the match, it will be played Pinealla International Stadium in the capital of Oaker. A loss by Les Bleus would prove to be the stake in the heart for Eauz fans, for that would create a 6 point gap against a top 20 team, who does not look to give up their strong start. A victory, will keep Les Bleus in the match, and possibly separate the 1st and 2nd position from the 3rd and 4th by a large gap. Though with the first loss of the match for Les Bleus, there should not be worries, for they have done worse in the past and faired better down the stretch. Almost halfway done the qualifying round and Les Bleus are in good position of qualifying.

EL CID NEWS.
NEWS YOU CAN USE.

sports news

BACK IN THE FOLD

EL CID THE HERO :2(Keanu Brown,45,Panaglotis Keisl,56)
Northbank :1(23)

Having missed out on the teams last 2 games Homer Dent was welcomed back by fan on what could be a deciding match in wich the Cid's Lions can make there place in the finals.

After a good start in which thay defeted TEN and Halfassedstates thay then went on to lose there next two mtaches.

With people wondering if the Cid's lions could recover from these two losses thay had to face a strong Northbank team to rally the fans and to keep there moral alive.

Almost imlediately it became apearent that the side was not at it's best with a small error from James Hunter cost El Cid a goal. However the team seemed to find a new energy from this handycap with them not letting Northbank get near there box for the rest of the half, and at the death Homer Dent crossed the ball to Brown in the box and a small tap was all it needed to level the match.

"I was in the right place as i met the cross" said Brown afterwoods "and i could hardly miss at that position."

With the Lions geting the goal it seemed thay wanted a lot more with them constantly on the attack. and when Dent broke through a goal looked certain.

But a late tackle by a Norhtbank player outside the box ended that attack, and with a free kick it was Panaglotis Keisl turn to get the headlines with a quick blast over the wall and pased the keeper to take the lead.

"The tornement has been a bit of a non starter for Keisl". proclaimed Chris Skinner at the end game interview. "This goal will hopfely get his apetite for goals to a new level".

With that goal the mach was won, and so was the team's won there confidence back.

The lions face Esth next. will they build on this victory?

Matchday 1:The Eagles Nest v El Cid the Hero W 0-1
Matchday 2:El Cid the Hero v HalfassedstatesW 2-0
Matchday 3:Snub Nose 38 v El Cid the Hero l 3-1
Matchday 4:El Cid the Hero v Svecia l 1-2
Matchday 5:El Cid the Hero v Northbank W 2-1
Matchday 6:Esth v El Cid the Hero
Matchday 7:El Cid the Hero v Wapahkoneta
Matchday 8:El Cid the Hero v The Eagles Nest
Matchday 9:Halfassedstates v El Cid the Hero
Matchday 10:El Cid the Hero v Snub Nose 38
Matchday 11:Svecia v El Cid the Hero
Matchday 12:Northbank v El Cid the Hero
Matchday 13:El Cid the Hero v Esth
Matchday 14:Wapahkoneta v El Cid the Hero

---Group 2----
[1] Halfassedstates 5 4 0 1 11-2 12
[2] Svecia 5 3 1 1 11-4 10
<3> The Eagles Nest 5 3 1 1 10-5 10
<4> Snub Nose 38 5 3 1 1 10-7 10
5- El Cid the Hero 5 3 0 2 7-6 9
6- Esth 5 1 1 3 5-10 4
7- Northbank 5 0 1 4 5-14 1
8- Wapahkoneta 5 0 1 4 3-14 1

OCC: I have decidid to adoped the nickname "the Cid's lions" for my team
if anyone has a problem with that pleased contact me.

The Reichsmarkia Times
Raising the price daily since 1946

Trillionaires make 3 points profit
The Triilionaires defeated the newcomers of Qia in a 5 goal thriller by sheer luck. Again the trillionaires had few support from the fans since most could not afford the flight to Qia, but despite that, they outnumbered the Qians in the stadium. The hugest contingent of fans were neutrals from soccer crazy nations as Rejistania or Kaze Progressa, who simply wanted to see a good match.

The fans were not disappointed, both teams fought like lions, or for the qians: like eagles (their team is called: Qia Eagles). The 3-4-3 of the trillionaires met a total football of the Eagles. The roster, which did not show any positions would make others think of youth teams or such, but this time, they played an inspired so-called 'continental' style of soccer. Lyndon Johnson could barely clear an attack of Andrew Hansom. The resulting corner kick by Cristian Diaz was headed into the goal by Horton. Coach Ludwig Erhardt shouted selected expletives. The Trillionaires answered by fierce attacks and soon, H. Series (who by the way has no first name because his parents could not agree on one), the Saravean top-player, equalized the score with a beautiful long-distance shot. Only seconds before the end of the first half and after an impressive number of chances, Qia archieved the 1:2 (from insanian view) by a fast counter-attack, totally surprising Hans Eichel.

We do not know what Hans Eichel told his players during half-tims, but apparently it was successfull: The team improved notably. In the 78th minute, T.I. Yen's shot was reflected at the crossbar, but Kvanza Nouveau was at the right place in the right time and kicked the ball past goalie Ruben Rivas. Reichsmark was substituted for Lirasi Türkmen only a bit later. The rest of the match was highly offensive and highly aggressive. But despite that, it came to the point when everyone was expecting it to end as draw - and since most fans were neutral, they could accept that quite easily since both teams played well. But suddently, and out of nowhere, the trillionaires made one last attack in injury time. T.I. Yen was in good position but instead trying to get past Ruben Rivas, he passed to Lirasi Türkmen. Rivas did not expect that and so Türkmen had no problems to archieve the 3:2 for the Trillionaires. The Trillionaires did not take the lead before against Qia, but the seconds they did were the deciding seconds.

The result:
Qia 2 (Horton 18th )
Insane Inflation 3 (Series 21st, Nouveau 78th, Türkmen 90+3th)

Referee: Marco Castellani, Reichsmarkia ranking: 5 (some misdescisions for both sides, but generally unimpressive)

'Slaves Enslaved!

Pschychoes Pull off an Upset to Remain on Top

Squornshelous' team continued its winning ways against the group favorite, Audioslavia. When interviewed after the game, star forward Igor Raskolnikov said, "We really wanted to go out there and make a statement. I think we really acomplished that." A statement which began early and never let up. The first goal occured in the 12th minute. Squornshelan defenseman Quentin Harrisson nade a run up the right side to midfield and lobbed the ball forward, where Midfielder Darryl Hicks picked up the ball. Hicks dribbled forward unopposed and let loose with a rocket of a shot from 20 meters out. The Audioslavian defenders, busy covering other players, were in no position to help out and the shot went in past a diving Fenwick. Squornshelous stuck again to open up the game a little in the 20th, when Xavier Keiths intercepted a goal kick and raced in, he cut around Griegs Johnstone and fired from the top corner of the box, easily beating Fenwick. In an effort to shake things up a bit, the 'Slavian manager subbed in Rail McKenna to replace Calem O'Rourke. The substitution worked, and the Squornshelan attack was disrupted until much later in the game. Meanwhile, the 'Slaves used this confusion to step up their attack. Finally, in the 34th, they put in their first marker. Cayle Johansen made a fantastic move which left Stanley Perkins sprawling, he then lobbed a long pass to Danny Bracken, who headed the ball directly on goal. Perez was watching though, and punched the ball clear, only to have it land at the feet of Alexander Marriot, who put the ball past him. The first half ended with the game close. Audioslavia was threatening to tie, and the Squornshlans hadn't gotten their attack back together. Coming out in the second half, Coach Naylor made two substitutions: Earvin Jones replaced Hans Stumpel on defense, and Tito Castillan went in for Bjorn Arnesson. These two changes made the game drastically different. Now it was the 'Slaves who couldn't get their attack going, and although they didn't get many chances at first, the Pschychoes seemed to have figured out the defense. Eventually, in the 67th minute, they broke through. Rodolfo Puente was being marked closely in the corner by McKenna, but still found a way to cross the ball in. It sailed over both the hands of Fenwick and the head of Raskolnikov, before Castillan met it with his foot on the far side of the net, sending it in. The game remained quiet for a while after that. Both sides seemed to be tiring, and made simple mistakes, like missed passes and dumb fouls. However, in the 84th minute, Igor Raskolnikov, who had been kept quiet all game by Jens Rep, finally spoke out. He intercepted a pass at midfield and took off as if it were still the first minute. No one could stick with him as he tore down the field and fired the ball in from point blank range.


Final Score:
Squornshelous 4-1 Audioslavia

Just a little fact, Squornshelous have never failed to score four goals against an Audioslavian Team.

Scoring Summary:
SQ: Hicks [12]
SQ: Keiths [20]
AS: Marriot [34]
SQ: Castillan [67]
SQ: Raskolnikov [82]

Squornshelous' Scorers:
Raskolnikov: 8
Puente: 4
Keiths: 3
Arnesson: 1
Hicks: 1
Castillan: 1

Coming Up
The next team on the shedule for the Pschyhcoes is The Weegies, another well known footballing country. Squornshelous hs met the Weegies recently in qualifying, and fared pretty well, so we expect more of the same. It shouldn't be an overly difficult game, but we can't hope for a blowout.
Predicted Score: Squornshelous 3-1 The Weegies

Squornshelous' Qualifying Schedule:
Wins Losses Draws
MD01: Squornshelous 6-1 Ebon Hawk
MD02: Isles of Wohlstand 1-3 Squornshelous
MD03: Squornshelous 2-0 Big Pimento
MD04: Magnus Valerius 1-3 Squornshelous
MD05: Audioslavia 1-4 Squornshelous
MD06: The Weegies v Squornshelous
MD07: Squornshelous v Cockbill Street
MD08: Ebon Hawk v Squornshelous
MD09: Squornshelous v Isles of Wohlstand
MD10: Big Pimento v Squornshelous
MD11: Squornshelous v Magunus Valerius
MD12: Squornshelous v Audioslavia
MD13: Squornshelous v The Weegies
MD14: Cockbill Street v Squornshelous[/QUOTE]

This Program was televised in Eauz, it is a sports debating show, with no care. Feeling are put aside, and you say what you want to say... Bring it or stay home style...

*btw... this is just raw copy/paste from IRC, if any of you Spelling Nazi's out there want to complain about someones spelling, shut up! IRC is not a Spelling B or a "learn to type properly" course, come on, we are on IRC!

Rejistania - Starblaydia? Qualify? NEVER!
Eauz: Welcome Boys, Girls and Belmorians to PTI (pardon the Interruption) NS style... today, I am here with Rejis and Star
Starblaydia - Hello
Rejistania - Hejida!
Eauz: Anways..... lets get going on the subject....
Eauz: Topic #1... Is Eauz being an idiot complaing about 1 loss ?
Starblaydia - I'd like to jump in here, Eauz
Rejistania - don't fall
Starblaydia - Very humourous, Rejis. I think that World Champions have a right to complain about any loss
Rejistania - world champions, that was 4 years ago!
Starblaydia - Number 1 team in the world, no less
Eauz: but we got like complainer nazi's who everytime you complain go out and say... "Shutup! Who cares!"
Rejistania - teams change and if Les Bleus decline, they lose, as simple as that
Eauz: especially like V
Eauz: Rejis, may I remind you of WC15 ?
Starblaydia - Well every time my team loses, I just try not to talk about it
Eauz: because you've never had a "good" team
Rejistania - you can, I think the ASRT learned irts lesson
Eauz: bah! Ok Question #2!!
Rejistania - *ASR
Eauz: I Win #1!
Eauz: What type of hosting in going on in WC17?
Starblaydia - Some fantastic hosting, just look how well Starblaydia are doing!
Eauz: Is V really in charge or is he taking bribes?
Rejistania - Hosting? Are you one of these Excelites, how believe magic spreadsheets create the results?=
Starblaydia - Bribes? Look, chummy, you can't prove anything!
Eauz: oh wonderful, Beddy decided to come join
Bedistan - Indeed I did.
Eauz: What! Bribes have to be in it
Starblaydia - This isn't being hosted by Commerce Heights, remember
Rejistania - There where no matches in Kaze and none in Vilita. So how can you say that hosts interfere?
Eauz: teams like Eauz, TEN who obviously kicked V out of their hosting cup are being screwed over
Eauz: Wha?
Eauz: Where will the be hosted?
Eauz: In NYC?
Starblaydia - Well where else would you play home matches, but at home?
Eauz: so during the WC we will play in our own stadium?
Rejistania - these were qualifier matches hosted in the different country of the group-members, the hosts have no chance to interfere there
Starblaydia - That's why you lost, Eauz, you went to the wrong stadium
Eauz: bah... alright..... Beddy wins #2
Rejistania - Not during the World Cup, but now are qualifiers, as I may remind you
Eauz: I blame II and rejis for my loss
Eauz: Well Rejis, do you have a topic?
Starblaydia - <Bedistan> Indeed I did. = Win!
Rejistania - Will Ravea ever win or draw a match?
Eauz: Who is Ravea?
Starblaydia - I also would like to know who Ravea are
Rejistania - Look at the bottom of group 10
Eauz: last time I checked the books the only teams I remember are Eauz Eauz, Eauz and Eauz
Starblaydia - Rejistan.. oh wait, wrong end of the table. Silly me
Eauz: gimme a link
Starblaydia - I was using the Abysmali tables
Rejistania - Arrogant frenchman!
Eauz: I'm sure there is one team there who will suck worse than them
Eauz: wha! Arrogant french?
Rejistania - 8- Ravea 5 0 0 5 2-24 0
Rejistania - http://forums2.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=7027464&postcount=6
Eauz: ok so after 5 matches you are writting them off?
Eauz: just because?
Eauz: did anyone write off the French Army?
Starblaydia - just because they've been pasted by every nation?
Starblaydia - The french army, that is, not Ravea
Rejistania - well, people don't write off the french army because they never calculate them in
Eauz: Haperd <---- I say they will at least get a tie against them, because look at the offence for this team
Eauz: 2 GF and 8 GA
Starblaydia - I recall Churchill writing off the French Navy, once. Big insurance bill that was
Eauz: like nothing goes on during these matches
Rejistania - Defensive soccer can be beautifull!
Eauz: oh all this french bashing
Eauz: what happend to America bashing?
Eauz: :)
Rejistania - don't insult the beauty of a good System Karela!
Starblaydia - The french are so much easier though
Bedistan - Or Canada bashing for that matter
Eauz: @Rejistania - Defensive soccer can be beautifull! <------ Oh come on, I want to see 50 - 20 scorews
Eauz: that would be sweet
Eauz: what ever a scorews is
Rejistania - Watch handball then!
Starblaydia - That would be dumb. Only a North American would want 50-20 scorelines
Eauz: bah! end of Question 3, Beddy wins again with his harsh Canada bashing comment
Starblaydia - thought the Churchill one was pretty good
Eauz - turns to Star in serch of a topic
Bedistan - Only a North American would want 50-20 scorelines <-- Guilty as charged
Starblaydia - a topic, eh?
Eauz: WC and WCC related, no porno topics
Eauz: and we aren't going to talk about Beddy's mom here
Starblaydia - deletes his text. bah!
Bedistan - slaps Eauz with a large bologna sandwich
Eauz: What do you think of the WCC? Is it usless?
Eauz: too bad star, you are slow, just like the English Army
Eauz: mahahaha!
Rejistania - As ACTING WCC president: OF COURSE NOT!
Starblaydia - I think there's a place for all forms of Wrestling entertainment oin our TV screens
Starblaydia - WCW, WWE, WCC, everything
Eauz: what has the WCC done in the past 1000000 years
Starblaydia - NS years or RL years?
Rejistania - organised 16 succesfull world cups!
Eauz: last time I checked, the only good thing they did was the last time the French army win a victory
Eauz: *won
Starblaydia - when was that?
Eauz: uhhh pretty far back
Rejistania - 1792?
Eauz: I think ....... 34 BC
Starblaydia - like waaay back before France was actually called France, right?
Eauz: hey! what happend to WCC?
Starblaydia - And no, Asterix and Obelix don't count
Eauz - notes PTI has turned into French Bashing show
Starblaydia - notes its Eauz's doing :D
Eauz: bah!
Eauz: anyways, end of subject, WWWWWWWWF SuX0rZ and we should get rid of it
Eauz: wait!
Eauz: it sucks because it's not democratic
Eauz: Next Subject! Star!
Starblaydia - the whole voting thing isnt democratic?
Eauz: is that your subject?
Starblaydia - will qualifyfor WC17, Discuss
Eauz: Not EVER
Starblaydia - that doesnt look like a discussion
Rejistania - Starblaydia is a dictatorship, and dictatorships suck at soccer!
Eauz: in the whole Starblaydia history, they have never and will never create great footballers like Eauz, Rejistania, and the BelmoreFamily, who usually leave TBF and play elsewhere
Starblaydia - being P5 W4 D0 L1 is pretty good though, don't you think. Just as good as Eauz, no less
Eauz: @Rejistania - Starblaydia is a dictatorship, and dictatorships suck at soccer! <----- what? NK is a dictatorship, and their women's program is ranked like #7 or #1 I forget
Starblaydia - So why did Simeone Di Bradini sign for Alan City then, if we dont produce great players?
Rejistania - yeah, but they never won a world cup!
Bedistan - Except Starblaydia didn't humiliatingly lose to Spaam
Eauz: because Alan City is like Celtic.... it's only good in thecountry
Starblaydia - won a wooden spoon!
Rejistania - Alan City signed him because you demanded a high price!
Rejistania - Belmorian logic!
Starblaydia - So we're also cleverer than Belmorians :D
Rejistania - not cleverer, more crooked
Starblaydia - better with money
Eauz: anyways, NK produces amazing womens soccer, maybe Star should star a womens national team?
Rejistania - cleverness in the rejistani meaning implies ethics
Starblaydia - A women's national team has been signed up for the Oylmpics, no less
Eauz: does it have a chance?
Rejistania - I can only wonder how many players will flee!
Starblaydia - With a TBF scorinator, everyone has a chance!
Eauz: I think I'll say Star will not qualify, in the same logic that Eauz won't qualify, because we both have 1 loss
Rejistania - Scorinator, you are another excelite!
Eauz: bah! next Question Beddy!
Bedistan - Turori or Pedriana - which kicks the other's ass?
Starblaydia - Starblaydia 2-3 The Lowland Clans <-- oh dear god i dont believe it
Rejistania - Pedriana, Giant Evil Spiders rock!
Eauz: Obviously Turori, because they are ahead of Pedriana
Bedistan - But Eauz, Turori failed to beat Pedriana, correct?
Rejistania - being ahead in the tables means nothing in direct comparism
Eauz: yeh, but Turori is more experienced
Eauz: in the end Ped will fall down to last place with -5000 GA
Bedistan - Precisely my point. Because they're more experience, they should be able to win, but can't
Eauz: well..... I give my pickes on Turori anyways
Rejistania - one draw is not statistically relevant!
Rejistania - May I ask a question? Where is my coffee!
Eauz: Is the Cherry Cup the most usless BS in the world?
Eauz: you do NOT get coffee Rejis
Starblaydia - if i can win it last time and be behind n00b Vilita this time, then yes, Eauz
Rejistania - What the slani hell?
Vilita - lol
Vilita - no, tlc is tha n00b
Vilita - no rps
Eauz: bah! it's over.....
Rejistania - the Cherry cup... that was embarassing for the Rejsitani's
4¤2 +Eauz: V has destroyed it..... I'll stop it here
Vilita - Eauz is the Best!