NationStates Jolt Archive

The Jesus Eclair Saga: Part 3

Time: 14 Hours Prior to Oglethorpia's Latest Edition of "World Cup Watch"

The dark outline of an overweight man leaning back in a business chair can be seen in the room. You can roughly make out his pudgy feature thanks to the glow of the computer which he's staring at ahead of him. He pulls up the sleeve to his plain, white, button-down shirt and looks over to his wrist watch. "4:00, it's been a late night," he thinks to himself. His nightlong search for Jesus Eclair's origins had left him empty-handed and dejected.

The man turns around in his chair, pushes with his legs and glides back to his backpack. As he glides, you can see from the flash of his copper-plated name tag that he goes by Riano. Riano sticks a hand deep in his bag and fishes around for a second, before emerging with a pack of smokes. He carefully puts one to his lips, flicks a match and sets it alight.

"Back to business," he thought to himself, as he played with the cigarette between his lips. After a few clicks of the mouse and several series of skillful typing, Riano's eyes swole up as something quite peculiar hit the screen. "Jesus Magenta," he muttered to himself, "What a stupid name." Riano then looked down at the parents, "Father: Milhouse Magenta... Mother: Estebana de Jesus". "It couldn't be," thought Riano to himself, as he frantically typed in the search bar for Estebana de Jesus' origins. It was.

It was the break he was looking for. He quickly saved the files he had opened and sent them all to his superior, Brazillican F.A. President, Sandro Charis. He then picked up the phone and quickly dialed his number. "Sandro? Wrong number? Sorry... Yeah, I know what time it is. Sorry again." He was nervous. Who wouldn't be?

Riano then carefully dialed the phone, making sure not to embarass himself further. "Ring, ring" went the phone, with the intervals between the pulses seemingly taking longer than the last. After around five odd rings or so, Sandro picks up.

Sandro *Sleepily*: Hello?

Riano: I just found out how we can get Jesus Eclair with the Chili Bats.

Sandro: Couldn't it have waited till the morning.

Riano: Absolutely not. This is a bombshell. I sent all the requisite files to your computer.

The two men make small talk as Sandro sheepishly walks over to his computer and turns it on. After briefly discussing how to bring peace to the world, Sandro's computer loads up and he opens up the files. What he sees nearly knocks him off his chair.

Riano: Sandro... Sandro? You still there?

Sandro: Jesus Eclair will not play on the team.

Riano: What? We've finally got our "in" to land him. Players of Mr. Eclair's caliber don't come along every day...

Sandro: Delivering this bombshell to the people could very well implode the country. Our entire history would be in shambles. Call up Guy Santos instead. Jesus Eclair will NOT play on our team.

Circa 7:30 PM (PST for you Americans, and GMT -8 for our European friends) first round matchday 1 scores have been telegrammed.

Kingsford will post them to the public sometime midday tomorrow.

this double post brought to you by The Belmore Family Moonshine!

"When all you have is household chemicals and some roadkill, do what we do! Moonshine em!"

Tuck’s Travels
By Henry Tuck, Sheriff of Crimpton County

I was but in my 20s when I embarked on my first mission, to pursue my career as a professional streaker. It was a daft and silly profession, and I was pursued by a particular law enforcement officer who went crazy trying to find me. However, after his bullet tore through my right butt cheek, I was disabled (he was committed to the asylum) and have since resumed his position serving in a wheelchair. It has been in only recent years that I have been able to walk, and this has been my first chance to be fully independent of my wheelchair, just in time for this World Cup, which is situated in Kingsford and Oglethorpia.

I was leaving the office for the weekend. The Kingsford National’s first match was tomorrow in Oglethorpia, so I had to get there. I had to resume my identity. I was, no, am an international celebrity, and to have a cup hosted in my home nation would let all my followers and fanatics down if I did not make an appearance. The badge, I do wear it with pride, but I wear something with equal, if not more pride, and that something is nothing.

My majestic steed, the Geo Metro had arrived at the beautiful stadium towering over me like a colossus. I felt as though I had arrived in paradise, the sea of cars and the concrete towering over me. Though, this concrete did not interest me. It was the pitch that interested my simple Gaddesbire soul, for I would run across it, barefoot (among other things) and reveal myself in all my glory.

And as the hundreds of thousands of fans cheered, I ripped off my Velcro suit and ran across the pitch, trailing a parade of security and flaunting to the flashes of cameras everywhere. I had resumed my former glory, when an arm hit me square across the chest in clothesline fashion. The only thing I remember was the Kingsford 2 – 1 Liverpool England of the scoreboard, before I saw my residual trail of security suddenly form a giant pile upon me, crushing numerous ribs and rendering me hospital worthy.

And it is from a hospital in Oglethorpia that I write this memoir, for though my injuries are painful, they are not as near as incapacitating as my bullet wound in the buttocks sustained a few cups prior, and though I will miss the next match, I will be able to resume my glory at the third match. Until then, I dedicate my time and efforts as to figure out which Kingsforder player (for I saw the color of the jersey) had stiff-armed me, and how I would seek revenge on them.

And this is how the epic of Tuck’s Travels begins…

At a small hot dog shop in the Bureaucratic States, prior to Oglethorpia's World Cup 14 first round matches.

HOT DOG STAND MAN: Alright sir, that's going to be 50 OK cents -- i'm gunna need you to fill out this income form to keep track of that purchase -- why don't you start out with your mother and father?

Eclair knew he couldn't lie about his birth mother and father -- and so he didn't.

JESUS ECLAIR: Uh, that would be Milhaus Magenta and Esteban de Jesus.

HOT DOG STAND MAN: Whoa, Esteban de Jesus was your dad?

JESUS: [Looks around, watching his back making sure no one is listening.] Uh, yeah, yeah he is.

HOT DOG STAND MAN: Whoa dude, that's crazy. I didn't know Milhous was a woman's name.

JESUS: Oh, yeah. It happens all the time in Brazillico. [Jesus looks around one more time to make sure no one is listening -- paticular attention on a bush is called away when the hot dog stand man begins speaking again.]

HOT DOG STAND MAN: Alrighty, thank yeh Mr. Eclair. I gotta record all this stuff -- so says the government. Anyways, enjoy that hot dog.

JESUS: Oh, uh, you too. Or something.

---

Enter two men in a bush -- a bush only meters away from the hot dog shop Jesus Eclair had jut visisted.

MAN IN THE BUSH #1: Oh, this is big.

MAN IN THE BUSH #2: This is HUGE.

MAN IN THE BUSH #1: Brobdingnagian in scale.

MAN IN THE BUSH #2: Esteban de Jesus is a WOMAN.

MAN IN THE BUSH #1: Well, hold on -- how the hell do you know that?

MAN IN THE BUSH #2: Oh, come on -- Milhaus isn't a woman's name.

MAN IN THE BUSH #1: It isn't?

MAN IN THE BUSH #2: Damn, can't you Thorpes tell a guy name from a girl name?

MAN IN THE BUSH #1: ...

MAN IN THE BUSH #2: Anyways -- we're gunna get a fortune for this Jesus Eclair video.

---

The two men in the bush enter the building of the Bureaucratized Media Tabloid Division.

MAN IN THE BUSH #1: We've got a video-

MAN AT THE TABLOID DIVISION BUILDING DESK: Alright, that's great. Who's it of?

MAN IN THE BUSH #1: Jesus Eclair.

MAN AT THE TABLOID DIVISION BUILDING DESK: Oh, how exciting. HOW EXCITING. ANOTHER video of Jesus Eclair. Is that sarcastic enough for you two morons?

MAN IN THE BUSH #1: Yeah, yeah. Just give us our money.

MAN AT THE TABLOID DIVISION BUILDING DESK: Man, more Jesus Eclair bullshit -- I bet this is an electrifying video that proves Esteban de Jesus is really a disguised woman, huh? Yeah, sure. Probably just more "exposing video" of Jesus Eclair walking down the friggin' street. Here, you can have 20 OK Credits for this gem of videography..

MAN IN THE BUSH #1: Hey, hey. Alright. Whatever.

The two men who were once in a bush used to film Jesus Eclair leave. Soon, the man at the tabloid division building desk runs the tape to a screener to grade the footage and determine if it can be turned into a suitably kooky tabloid story.

TABLOID WORKER #1: Holy shit, you won't believe this.

TABLOID WORKER #2: No friggin' way -- this thing practically writes itself.

TABLOID WORKER #1: No kidding! We don't even have to embellish this story. "ESTEBAN DE JESUS SECRETLY WOMAN -- FOSTERS LOVE CHILD WITH FAT OGLETHORPIAN MAN."

TABLOID WORKER #2: Damn...talk about an elctrifying video that proves Esteban de Jesus to be really a disguised woman.

---

The Nationwide Inquisitor
"Inquisitor" as in the asking-kind, not the religious-kind. OGLETHORPIA'S #1 TABLOID!

ESTEBAN DE JESUS SECRETLY A WOMAN -- FOSTERS LOVE CHILD WITH LATE FAT OGLETHORPIAN MAN!

By Dwight Hamilton

THE EMERALD HEIGHTS (NI) -- Video sold to the Nationwide Inquisitor has recently corroborated rumors disseminated by avid Jesus Eclair stalkers that Eclair's parents, Milhaus Magenta's and Esteban de Jesus' parental roles were switched in Bureaucratic States record keeping -- perhaps the first error of filekeeping in Oglethorpia's long history of bureaucratic bookkeeping. The file on Jesus Eclair has always listed Milhaus Magenta as Jesus Eclair's mother and Esteban de Jesus as his father -- but it may just be all of this is wrong.

"I always thought Milhaus was a weird name for a lady," said a Brazillican Jesus Eclair fan.

"Milhaus is a man's name?" said a surprised Oglethorpian fan.

"Dude, that's ANOTHER name who's gender I can't even pick out," said yet another avid Oglethorpian football follower.

More significant than the inherent Oglethorpian (in)ability to tell a male and female name apart is the shocking news that Esteban de Jesus may not just be a man after all -- that he was really Jesus Eclair's mother posing as a man. However, the only way to prove this in concrete would be to test Esteban de Jesus himself -- which would be no small feat. Jesus Eclair's deceased father isn't exactly open to testing either -- buried under six feet of paperwork in the northern Bureaucratic States. Still, the rumors floating about of Esteban de Jesus' real gender should be enough to uncover new information on the real truth of half-Brazillican half-Oglethorpian Jesus Eclair's history.

IS THE MOON REALLY FLAT?

By Mick Orange

THE EMERALD HEIGHTS (NI) -- Astronomers have uncovered new evidence that may really prove the moon to be flat.

"Well, after examining this detailed model made of goat intestines and peanuts shaped like past Oglethorpian Presidents, we can logically conclude that the surface of the moon really is flat..."

...

A World Cup Preview
Hooligans Will Riot with Cup in Hand, Spaam in Second for Second Time

We are once again back with the publication which boldly and correctly proclaimed Eauz to win World Cup 13! With our track record, this prediction must be fate. Congratulations ahead of time to Snub Nose 38 for winning World Cup 14! But for posterity’s sake, lets look at each group and the synopsis of each side.

Oglethorpia

Group A

Les Bleus of Eauz had a slow start at first, but really picked it up to win the relatively tough qualifying group ten. This is certainly a very spirited and talented side inspired by the manifesto. However, just like all communists, their deluded ideals will bite them in the butt.

The delightful side of Svecia played rather well in a weak qualifying group. Despite their better qualifying effort, this team has nowhere near the level of talent of the Lightning side of the last World Cup campaign.

In contrast, Total n Utter Insanity is an improved side from last year as Belless is certainly showing their best. The Insanians should be much more competitive this time around.

Oddslavo is a mainstay also ran. They seemed to have some sparks of brilliance but expect them to remain a very good side rather than a world-class side.

Prediction
1. Eauz
2. Total n Utter Insanity
3. Svecia
4. Oddslavo

Group B

Commerce Heights had the misfortune of running into some hot sides coming into the last World Cup. Luckily this time they have a much easier group and should make the round of 16. With a strong effort they could go further.

Ravenspire, much like Svecia, isn’t as good as the side the first edition of the Fearless Farmers played against. They will avoid the cellar however.

Snub Nose 38 looks like they are really going to break out this time. Their talent pool has been simmering to perfection and the Hooligans will dish out the dividends at this cup.

Runaway Moose once again barely make it to the World Cup final, and once again they should be a non-factor for the most part.

Prediction
1. Snub Nose 38
2. Commerce Heights
3. Ravenspire
4. Runaway Moose

Group H

The Lions of Bedistan are certainly one of the favorites to win the World Cup this year as this side has improved from their surprisingly stellar performance in World Cup 13.

The co-host nation of Oglethorpia has the home venue advantage, however there will be many new faces on this side. Being at home will help this young side.

Giant Zucchini seems to be on a minor decline recently, and will certainly have to pick up the urgency to advance out of this group.

Dance 2 Revolution will need more than fancy footwork to advance from this group. This side always looks very promising, but they appear to be a bit over their head.

Prediction
1. Bedistan
2. Oglethorpia
3. Giant Zucchini
4. Dance 2 Revolution

Kingsford

Group C

Spaam once again brings to the World Cup a solid and very talented side. However, this solid side is succeptible to talented upstarts.

Europa Brittania is usually a lock to get to the round of 16, but in this Group of Death, the Europa Brittanian may find itself in an unusual place, the cellar.

The Streeters of Cockbill Street is another side that has continually played well, however in comparison to the more talented Spaam side and the red hot One Red Dot, the Streeters may find themselves left out of the fold.

One Red Dot has made leaps and bounds of improvement. Some people may claim that Group F is the group of death, but it is the presence of these guys that make me say otherwise. If they continue to play as well as they have in qualifying, this side may be a contender to win it all.

Prediction
1. Spaam
2. One Red Dot
3. Cockbill Street
4. Europa Brittania


Group D

The Lowland Clans had the luxury of being in one of the weaker groups of qualifying and winning that group. They also have that luxury in the World Cup and should win this group.

The Crocodiles of Tanah Burung always bring a solid team to the World Cup, and this edition looks much stronger than the World Cup 13 edition.

The Ians of Iansisle finally have the chance to show the potential that the footballing community thought they had. Their group may be on the weak side, but we just do not see that happening.

Melmond fans have ambivalent feelings about Lovebug qualifying for the World Cup. Some believe that the Fearless Farmers are infinitely better than that side. Some feel that they are the feelgood story of the cup. They are the lionhearts of the World Cup final and will stay out of the cellar.

Prediction
1. The Lowland Clans
2. Tanah Burung
3. Lovebug
4. Iansisle

Group E

The Audioslavia side seems to lack the fire of previous ‘Slaves teams. However, as we know in Melmond, Lee Branson is a winner, and his leadership could set this f’er off.

The flaming socialists of Kerla tend to always make the World Cup and never make the round of 16. They should continue that tradition in this group.

No longer the Czech Republic of NationStates football, Brazillico has made their triumphant return to the World Cup. However, losing Junior Socrates to injury will hurt dearly.

Kaze Progressa is a talented and hard working side who has shown signs of dominance. If they are overlooked the least bit, the Progressans will take advantage.

Prediction
1. Audioslavia
2. Kaze Progressa
3. Brazillico
4. Kerla

Group F

Rejistania is always a strong side who puts in their all. They will certainly be a threat to win it all. They do have a mystique to them, as Melmondian scientists are still trying to figure out java.

The Lemmings of Lemmitania we feel will be victims of karma. Not only do we find their Chick-A-Live Debonizer extremely cruel, but we feel that The Eagle’s Nest would cry fowl and soar over this side.

Speaking of The Eagle’s Nest, they are looked as contenders for the World Cup. However, considering their meteoric rise in football, we expect them to see some struggles.

Last and certainly last will be Dennisov. The Bunnies are outgunned and will be lucky to hop away with a single point.

Prediction
1. Rejistania
2. The Eagle’s Nest
3. Lemmitania
4. Dennisov

Group G

Those flatulent Halfassedstates Hurricanes always seem good enough to contend but not good enough to make it to the semi-finals. They will make it to the round of 16, but then run out of gas.

The Sturms of Gesamtkuntswerk plodding, methodical style could wear down on opponents, but this talented side can be outhustled by upstart sides.

Liverpool England has endured lots of controversy during qualifying, and in this relatively difficult group, may find itself rather exhausted.

Kingsford is a side due for some major success after their major disappointments in World Cup 12 and not even qualifying for World Cup 13. Their side looks very prepared and they will ignite off of the home crowd.

Predictions
1. Kingsford
2. Halfassedstates
3. Gesamtkuntswerk
4. Liverpool England

Round of 16
Eauz over Commerce Heights
Snub Nose 38 over Total n Utter Insanity
Bedistan over The Eagle’s Nest
Rejistania over Oglethorpia
Spaam over Tanah Burung
One Red Dot over The Lowland Clans
Kingsford over Kaze Progressa
Audioslavia over Halfassedstates

Quarterfinals
Bedistan over Eauz
Snub Nose 38 over Rejistania
Spaam over Kingsford
One Red Dot over Audioslavia

Semifinals
Snub Nose 38 over Bedistan
Spaam over One Red Dot

Final
Snub Nose 38 over Spaam

The Bureaucratic Tribune
The Bureaucratic States' most readily available publication.

Oglethorpia manages a draw
In Oglethorpia's first outing since World Cup 14, the squad is happy to take a draw

By Bill Christmas

KINGSFORD (BT) -- Oglethorpia rolled into neighboring Kingsford west of the Bureaucratic States in one "doozy" of a group; drawn with Giant Zucchini, Bedistan and Dance2Revolution. Of note were national sides Bedistan and Giant Zucchini -- a suitable amount of history between Oglethorpia and the sentient vegetables, as well as with World Cup 8 co-host Bedistan; with whom Oglethorpia has only played once, way back in World Cup 5. National squad manager Pancrazio Albert-Albertson Black (also of domestic club SpVgg Stuttergart) would have to do a great deal of preparation and training before Oglethorpia's first match of World Cup 14; as it would be Oglethorpia's first in four years since a disappointing end to World Cup 13 in the first round.

Bedistan is a side with more history to them than perhaps any Oglethorpia has ever faced in 10 World Cups. Bedistan peaked in World Cup 8 reaching the finals only to lose to Liverpool England -- and then encountered several ups and downs from there, only to fail to qualify for World Cup 12. At their present state, the Bedistan Lions are 3rd in the world -- a formidable opponent in group H.

Albert-Albertson Black felt he had Oglethorpia in a safe plan of attack entering the match vs. Bedistan's Lions. "We're playing the opposite of Dick Egoson's World Cup 13 2-3-5 -- with 6 men in the backfield, and still enough men to put points on the board -- we're going to keep our goal safe and maintain a small lead. A conservative approach that I think will work well for us."

Bedistan took the ball beginning the 90 minutes that would set the tone for Oglethorpia's World Cup 14 run -- starter Gil Vu opening up a good posession for the Lions. Bedistan really was fielding a strong team that was on top of the ball for much of the first half.

The Lions' first chance came in the 15th minute -- Gil Vu pressing hard on Henry Lewis-Charleston White's space managed to hold on to the ball and let one off -- Lewis-Charleston White opened up his international career with a fantastic diving save.

Soon Oglethorpia would encounter the determination of Bedistan's own Terry Delk -- attacking-midfielder Hans Gelb tried to play up close and put one in, but young Delk was quick to snap the ball from under Gelb's feet.

Twenty minutes left both sides goal-less looking at only 1 attempt each. Before the end of the first half, however, Oglethorpia would take a one-goal lead on a charge led by F.C. Boca Senior Citizens prodigy Ruben van Mistletoe.

Hans Gelb was able to play forward to Hjörtur Green -- any backup in the box was shattered when Green played a fine ball to van Mistletoe who only had Terry Delk to beat -- and put the ball in the back of the net, just out of Delk's reach. Celebration followed.

"That was a fantastic goal," commented manager Albert-Albertson Black. "Great momentum after so much time off of the field."

Into the half Oglethorpia would go, elated to be holding a lead over 3rd ranked Bedistan.

"If we can keep this lead," Albert-Albertson Black speculated, "then it will be smooth sailing. But Bedistan may prove dangerous."

And dangerous Bedistan proved themselves to be -- Geraldine Abair's first shot of the match was barely punched out by Lewis-Charleston White in the Oglethorpian goal, everyone caught off guard that the Lions would be that quick on offense.

Only minutes later in the 62nd did Bedistan earn their equalizer. Gil Vu converted a stunning header off of Geraldine Abair's cross on a free kick after a tangle outside the goalie's box -- a decisive shot that Henry Lewis-Charleston White had no chance of saving.

van Mistletoe and Gil Vu never managed to earn their side's a decisive winning goal -- the only event of note after the Lions' equalizer in the 62nd minute being a tangle between controversial defender Jesús Éclair and Morris McGarity -- Éclair earning a yellow card in his tackling efforts.

"Éclair's a young player -- these kind of things are par for the course in a young player's career," offered SpVgg Stuttergart manager and national side coach Albert-Albertson Black.

Besides Jesús Éclair's yellow card in the 78th minute, Oglethorpian and Bedistani players recieved no cards -- though decisive action was nearly taken on firery Oglethorpian keeper Henry Lewis-Charleston White (http://www.nationstates.net/forum/viewtopic.php?p=3142256#3142256) when an unfortunate news reporter encountered White after the game; why he was unfortunate would become apparent later. Calling Lewis-Charleston White by the despised nickname "Charlyson" the reporter soon found five knuckles in his face. Only loopholes in a grand pile of documents saved Lewis-Charleston White from disciplinary action from the Bureaucratic States FA.

Said Charleston White, "I do what I gotta do. He did what he had to do -- to get what he wanted. I think he wanted a mouthful of fingers, applied forcefully. I just gave it to him. I do what I gotta do."

Regardless of the Lewis-Charleston White incident after the match, Oglethorpia is glad to take away a draw against 3rd ranked Bedistan after four years out of international football.

"I just hope we keep this momentum up into next game," commented van Mistletoe, credited with Oglethorpia's only goal.


THE FACTS

[code:1:4ca5e99aaf]
OGLETHORPIA 1
van Mistletoe (35th)

BEDISTAN 1
Vu (62nd)

[/code:1:4ca5e99aaf]

Apologizes to Giant Zucchini and Dance2Revolution -- I will be gone for a week and unable to RP these matches.

Hence, Kingsford will be handling the remaining first round scores.

From page 1A of the Ians newsletter (an IanCorp production):

“...and in other news, long-time Ians correspondent Jamie Peters has been reassigned to the statistics department by the Star-Tribune. No further details have been released, but many suspect it was due to persistent negativism and cynicism. ‘We’re entering a new chapter in Ians history,’ said David L. Harris, the Star-Tribune’s editor, ‘and we feel as though we need a new chapter in the newsroom as much as we do on the field. I think I join with every man and woman in Iansisle in wishing our boys the best of luck.’

Peters’ replacement was announced as one F. R. Devlin, a relative unknown in reporting circles. ‘We feel as though Mr Devlin will be the best fit for this job. After all,’ said Harris, ‘he was the one who first predicted the Ians’ victory at the start of qualification. Plus, he’s got two initials instead of a first name, like E. M. Forster or R. L. Stein. How could we go wrong?’...”

-----

From page 1D of the Ianapalis Star-Tribune:

Fates Decree an Ians Victory in Groups!
Everything aligns for the SuperCup champions to move onto the Round of Sixteen

F. R. Devlin
Ians Correspondent

WESTERGATE, Iansisle -- Footballing success isn’t something that comes very often to Iansisle. When the final seconds ticked off the clock on a 4-0 win at home, signaling that the Ians, after sixteen years of fruitless effort, had at last qualified to play in the World Cup, neither the fans nor the players was quite sure how to act.

One thing is certain, however: the Ians won’t be content with playing second fiddle to anyone now that they’re here. Not Audioslavia, not Tanah Burung, not anyone.

“We’re hungry for a solid, everlasting victory,” said a confident David Westmore in a press conference. “We’re not playing for small change anymore: this is the big show. We want to show that we’re big time players, and there’s no better way to do that than winning all the marbles.”

Westmore, despite a near-criminal mixing of metaphors, was applauded voraciously by the reporters. One fellow then stood up and asked if Westmore didn’t think that was perhaps too lofty a goal and that eyes might be better fixed upon making sure the team was ready to compete again when they will be called upon next.

“Everyone’s always looking to next year,” replied Westmore. “Here’s something to know: next year never comes. It’s always going to be this year. And let me tell you, I think this is the year of the Ians at last. We have the players; we have the coaches; we have the spirit and the determination to win. Just look at how we rebounded from that row earlier this season to charge into the qualifiers. No, Mr Johnson, this is next year.”

Perhaps part of Westmore’s desire to win comes from wanting to one-up the Iansisle Gulls, long Iansisle’s more successful international sports side.

“I think we’re talking about the World Cup here, not the Cherry Cup,” he said in relation to a question about that subject. “I admire Steve Martinson and the job he’s done getting to the finals, but I believe this conference is about the Ians. Next question.”

Coach Westmore will doubtless be glad to know that the Ians have the blessing of the Fates in their crusade.

“Just look at the venue,” said local oracle Throckmorten Gadwat. “We’re playing in a place called ‘Stadium by the Sea’ for heaven’s sake! Remember the Tanah Burung games? In the hot, steamy, inland jungles of Loro Sae, they mopped the floor with us. Move to the cool, saturated fog of the south Shield, and suddenly we’re 3-0 winners! That’s no coincidence - that’s Fate! Others may rule the land, but only Iansisle rules the sea!

“Besides,” he added, “I was reading the entrails of a pigeon I caught down at 67th and Grand, and it favored an Ians win.”

With the power of the Fates behind them, how can Westmore’s dream NOT be realized?

----

From The Wright Foot:

“...Welcome back. This, in case you’ve forgotten, is Joseph Wright, and I’m kicking football around with the experts on their right foot. In the studio now is one Mr Edward Beet, a longtime sports analyst with the Star-Tribune. Now, Mr Beet, before we had to cut to commercial, you were saying something about the increased popularity on the Shield lately?”

“Thank you, Joseph. I was indeed. I believe this increased attention is directly related to Westmore’s shift of attitude and John Copplestone’s guiding influence as head of strikers’ coaching.”

“Indeed?”

“Yes. Have you ever noticed how none of the teams sent to international competition are ever offense-oriented? The Longshoremen, for instance, rely almost entirely on pitching. The Gulls are heavy with goalies and short on wingers. The Ians, before now, had always focused on the stellar defense of Conrad Brandt and Benny Answorth.”

“Are you saying that the more offense, the more fans, Mr Beet?”

“Well, you’re jumping a bit ahead of me, Joseph. I think that the Ians this year put together a stellar offense - it scored more goals than any team save The Eagle’s Nest. Brian Lyon --”

“If I can cut in for just one second, Mr Beet; some interesting news about the young lion.”

“Indulge yourself.”

“Thank you. It would appear that Westergate F.C., home of three other Ians players such as Tom Ravenhill, has put together an offer to buy Lyon’s contract from Mansmouth Town. There’s not been any word on the reported international bid for Lyon, but I have it official that the Westergate offer is ‘very big.’”

“Thank you, Joseph. Now, as I was saying, this electrifying offense has really excited a good deal of hidden passion for the sport. With the Ians scoring as many goals as the Longshoremen are runs, there’s bound to...”

“I’m sorry to interrupt you again, Mr Beet, but it would appear we’ve just run out of time.”

“But...”

“Be sure not to touch your dial for Real Heroes of the First Lancers, here on IanCorp Syndicated. I’m Joseph Wright, and I’ll see all of you next time. Good night.”

---

From page 2D of the Ianapalis Star-Tribune:

Rating and Ranking of the Group D Teams:

1) Iansisle (36): Your beloved Iansisle Ians! Always scrappy, these are the new Ians of tomorrow. They combine the best offense in the world with a competitive defense and good goal-keeping for the most intriguing side in international football. Look for them all the way into the finals!

2) The Lowlands Clans (9): We don’t really know anything about this team. So they must be good. But not as good as the Ians!

3) Tanah Burung (23): With the increasing diplomatic tension between Iansisle and Tanah Burung, what better way to settle scores than on the pitch? The Crocs beat down the Ians 4-1 in their first ever meeting in Loro Sae, but the redoubtable Ians bounced back to trounce the Crocs 3-0 in Westergate. Look for their third meeting on neutral ground to be a real grudge match! Alas, however, the Crocs simply can’t run with the Ians - they might beat out the Lowland Clans, however, pending more information on the latter.

4) Lovebug (63): The dark horse of the group, Lovebug might surprise some experts with their resourcefulness. However, that won’t go anywhere in letting them run with the big boys. A valiant effort from the Bulldogs, but ultimately a futile one.

---

((ooc: I was JUST about to press submit when I noticed the message in my telegram box. If this post seems somewhat discontinuous, it’s because I wrote the above half before the telegram and the below half after the telegram. But the below half will actually be more like the below one per cent because I’m tired of typing. ;)))

Exert from F. S. Devlin’s article on page 1D of the Ianapalis Star-Tribune:

....and despite Truman’s goal and repeated efforts by Iansisle’s valiant offense, the Ians could not help but draw 1-1 against Lovebug.

“I’m disappointed,” said Westmore, “but not disheartened. Remember, in qualifying we lost early to poor sides. This team has resiliency. We needed to come up big against Sqournshelous or Tanah Burung and we did. We can do it again.

...Experts predicted wins both against the Crocs and the Lowland Clans in games to come. “The Fates decided that Lovebug should draw with us today,” said Throckmorten Gadwat, “and we just have to rest assured that Their plans for us included that. We’ll still win the Cup - no worries. None at all.”

Dennisov Campaign of Hope

After just making it to the main tournament, the Dennisov team will try and reach as far as possible.
The first game against The Eagle's Nest. A team that exploded in the qualification round.

Let's see what team manager, A. Vivaldi had to say about the first game:
"We have to play as a team, we will put a lot of pressure on their midfield from the first minute till the last. I have noticed that many of their wins came from totally taking their opponents by surprise. We shall be prepared."

Looking at Dennisov's team and style of play, the defenders will decide the games, if they play well they might just cause an upset or two.

"The group is tough, but so are we. I know that football or soccer isn't as big in Dennisov as in some other countries. With Icehockey being sport number 1, the players are used to some contact and have learned to play hard from a young age", team captain E. Elgar remarked earlier today.

The group contains powerhouses as Rejistan, Lemmitania and of course the Eagle's Nest. An uncomfortable smile appeared on Dennisov's manager when the groups were decided.
"It couldn't have been much worse I think, these teams have a long history of excellent players," E. Elgar commented, "we have our work cut out for us, but they will have to beat us by playing their best."

ASNN - Stars blow first Chance Against big Group Rival

[]iStadium by The Sea, Kingsford[/i] - The Stars blew their big chance to stamp their superioty on a group their tipped to win by pretty much every one in this cup. Manager McKay spoke afterwords that their overconfidense was the result of their defeat. "I promise not to let that happen again."

Jeremy took personal responsibility for the loss, while veteran defender Preston remarked that their was plenty of blame to spread around. "In all reality, it was everyone of our faults, for thinking that we could take on the world. We probably could, but that's when we start missing the fundamentals."

TLC Stars 1 - 3 Tanah Burung
Illius (43rd, Julios Assist)

Composing a winning Game

Quote for today:
"I've put up the predictions for our group in the dressing room, this should get their fire burning."
-Dennisov Manager A. Vivaldi prior to the game against The Eagle's Nest.

Another fine day and perfect for the Bunnies' first game in World Cup 15.
Let's just enjoy the two anthems...

It's going to be 5-4-1 against 4-4-2 today. Dennisov playing defensive, yet again, but nothing remarkable about that, we have been playing like that for nearly 40 years.

The teams are shown on screen now, but for those listening on the radios, the Dennisov team is exactly as it was printed in today's paper.
The Eagle's Nest play with 4 in midfield.

Match Report:
A game during which The Eagle's Nest made but spurned countless chances resulted in defeat, thanks to G.Mahler's ability to take advantage of the one opening that came his way.
There were more plusses for Vivaldi, notably the immediate understanding struck up between Mozart and Sibelius. A victory like this is an tremendous boost to a team's morale. A defeat like this for The Eagle's Nest won't bring them any closer to the World Championship.
The evening started with Dennisov flexing her muscles. Gershwin's heavy challenge on Siggy Secour put the Eagle's striker out of the game, disrupting Talio Aefnen's best-laid plans as early as the tenth minute. In Secour's stead came Weber Strong and the little livewire loved every minute of it.

The striker was straight into the action, arrowing in a snap-shot that Grotunia instinctively diverted onto the post. It was the first of a string of the Eagle's near misses.
Ralphie "Big Boy" Bigalow curled in a splendid free-kick, well worthy of a goal, on 26 minutes, but was unlucky to see his effort strike the angle of bar and post.
The openings kept coming but not the crucial strike. A goal looked odds-on when Grotunia took control of chaos in the Dennisov box and fired in an effort, only to see it blocked well by Haydn on the line.

Dennisov only awoke from their slumbers just before the interval when Elgar found enough space at the far post to crack in a volley that unnerved the Eagle's defence.
It was a warning of things to come.

When the curtain went up for the second half, for a couple of minutes we found ourselves watching the Weber Strong show.

First he dribbled from the halfway line and thumped in a shot which Bach did well to tip over. Then he was on hand to find the side-netting with a scissor-kick from the resulting corner.

Suddenly, though, Dennisov changed the course of the game with a quality strike. Mahler's wonderful finish gave the Bunnies the lead on 53 minutes.

Meeting Rachmaninov's cross at the near post, the big man snaked out a foot to delicately flick the ball beyond Adams and into the far corner. It may have been against the run of play but goals count for far more than pressure.

It might have been two when Tchaikovsky went powering through the inside-left channel only to drive his shot just wide.

Elgar, whose performance will surely have alerted more than a couple of international managers, had another great chance when he danced around Somia and charged into the box on 77 minutes. This time it was Adam's legs that blocked the 24-year-old's effort and kept the margin at one.

Dennisov 1
The Eagle's Nest 0

GZ: There is no established RULE that prohibits a WCC member from voting if they have a hosting bid on the table. Please vote. IF this becomes a contraversy - well, then it does and we'll deal with it. IMHO if one has a vote, one should vote. Period.

OK, got it. I've sent in my vote.

Ankh-Morpork C-mail
Cockbill Street Department

Streeters Go Undefeated A Lot
Last Count: Fifteen

The unbeaten streak continues. Despite very few reports from the C-mail, the Streetian side has gone fifteen matches without loss - and of course qualified for the World Cup in style. Cockbill Street played the Red Dot in Kingsford yesterday, in what was expected to be the easiest game of the group stage. However, the Dots proved more of a challenge than thought.

Ming-Wei Zhong, the right-winger, opened the game with some fantastic raids and should probably have scored the first goal of the game after six minutes. However, his shot went inches wide of the far post, and Robbie Curbishley could breathe out.

Slowly, however, Cockbill Street fought their way back into the game. Rikki Stone, the 20-year-old Cheshite, was the first Streeter to have a decent chance when he got a through pass from the right winger Harald Axewielder. However, his shot was saved on the line by a diving Raymond Harper.

Harper, however, was hopeless when Jonny Ball pulled the trigger on a free-kick from about twenty-five metres. It curled over the wall and into the near corner of the net, while the keeper was still stuck on the far post. 1-0 for Cockbill Street after only nineteen minutes.

The Dot continued to fight, leaving little opportunity for Cockbill Street to attack. They were forced back into their own half, and this caused frustration and misery among the players - even though they led 1-0. This grew until the point where Einari Einarsson pushed Simon Jones inside the penalty area - and the referee, thinking that it was a red player who had pushed Jones, gave Cockbill Street a penalty. The Red Dot players protested furiously, but to no avail - Alec Peterson took the penalty and scored easily, bringing the Streeters to a 2-0 lead at half time.

Ian Olsen, however, had seen how the penalty arose, and substituted Einarsson for Human Division 1 player Dylan Thompson at half-time. He did a solid job, but there was no doubt that he was not quite up to the high standard of World Cup football. With Einarsson, a lot of creative effort in the central midfield went, and Thompson didn't quite have the work rate and defensive strength either. Presley Laven had him beaten all ends up when he scored the consolation goal for One Red Dot - a dribble past three defenders before he eventually pushed it calmly to the left of Robbie Curbishley. No chance whatsoever.

Cockbill Street, however, maintain their unbeaten streak, and hope to win their next match. Unfortunately, the fixture list has not been officially posted - the C-mail thinks we are supposed to meet Spaam in the next match, and then our old rivals Europa Brittania, against whom we are unbeaten, but this is not certain. What is certain, however, is that Cockbill Street might be up for another fight with the Iansisle SuperIans - as they are drawn in Group D, which means that if Cockbill Street win the group and Iansisle finish second - quite possible results - we will have an epic eighth-final on our hands.

Cockbill Street 2 (Ball 19, Peterson 41 pen)
Curbishley 6 - Johnson 5, Carpenter 6, Trucker 5, Stonelover 6 (Goldminer on 80) - H Axewielder 6, Einarsson 5 (Thompson on 45 4), Jones 5 - Stone 6 (Tungsten-carbide on 74), Peterson 6, Ball 6.

One Red Dot 1 (Laven 69)
Harper - Kataichi, Paterson (Hakku on 72), Iikita - MacPherson (Mackeral on 81), Laven, Zhong Ming-Zhi - Hapington (Smith on 84), Newtons, Jenson, Zhong Ming-Wei

Kerla'n in the Name
Win Two to O, do what ya tell me, mooottthheherrrffuucckkkeerrr

Audioslavia kickstarted the world cup on the 'B' of the Bang (as Linford Christie used to say about his sexlife), taking a comfortable 2-0 victory over Kerla.

The 'slaves raced into the lead in just the second minute as a fiery slick move down the wing created space for the two strikers O`Malley and Willow who, with the help of Jordan and Croft, overwhelmed the Kerla defence to set up Croft for the finish.

Audioslavia grabbed the second goal in the 18th minute, with O`Malley smashing the ball home from a corner.

Kerla have proved to be difficult opposition to the 'slaves in their past two games, but today they never got started, and never really looked like threatening until the final few minutes where the midfielders started pulling together and creating chances for the strikers. The Kerlan number ten got put through on goal but scuffed his shot, and the same player again had an oppotunity missed in injury time as he blasted a volley high into the Kingsfordian night.

Final Score
Audioslavia 2 (Croft 2, O`Malley 18)
Kerla 0

Brazillico Vs Kaze Progressa will be played tommorow evening, and so the table currently looks like this:

[code:1:762a35754e]Team P F A GD Pts
Audioslavia 1 2 0 +2 3
Brazillico 0 0 0 +0 0
Kaze Progressa 0 0 0 -0 0
Kerla 1 0 2 -2 0[/code:1:762a35754e]

Har!

In other news, Snub Nose 38 have won world cup 14. An expert in Melmond has predicted it using voodoo chileren.

I've been Jeremy Jaffacake, g'nite bitches :)

Sowhatsville News

Sturms and Hurricanes batter each other but can't find a break through.

The Estadia del Reycastillo was packed to the rafters as just over 98,000 fans witnessed the opening match in Group G of WC 14. The local Barcoenfuego fans joined in with the Sturm and Hurricane fans to make the game a symbol of what the WC is about. Fans smiling and cheering and bathing in the sun, watch 2 of the top sides pit their wits against each other.
Unfortunatly, the two sides had done their homework well. Neither could find any real openings in a tight first half, and only a Flynn free-kick that clipped the outside of the post provided a moment of excitment and a mistimed roar of celebration from the Hurricane fans at the other end of the stadium.
As the match neared the finish, both sides eased off to try a protecxt their goal and keep the point they had. Some of the fans left in disappointment, but as Halfassed manager Piper commented, "No team can really afford to lose the opening game, their is always a tremendous amount of pressure in that fixture. Lose and you will likly have to win the next two games to make it, a draw and if you win one of the other games you get to the 4 point mark which gives you a chance of qualification. We are happy enough with the result. The Gesamtkuntswerk side almost went unbeaten through qualification, and on paper are the best of the other three sides in the group. We've just got to go out their and get the results against the Ravens and LE in the next couple of games!"



In other news, the Halfassed gambling faternity was licking its wounds after the result that saw large numbers of citizens take up the 3-1 odds on a 0-0 score. One lucky punter bet his life savings on the result and walked away with a cool £400,000 Warks.

Giant Zucchini Unable to Penetrate Resilient Underdogs Dance2Revolution

The Zucchinis started off their World Cup campaign with a bang, as Dance2Revolution took the lead with a thunderous shot that beat Oog and banged against the net within the first 5 minutes. The shock to the Zucchini players was undeniable. They took a while to get used to the fact that they were 1-0 down, but once they did, they turned on the boosters. On the half-hour mark, Urk's rasping shot from way out beat the keeper, but hit hard against the crossbar. Minutes later, Urk laid up a ball for Yew Sei Biu in the penalty area, but his left footed shot was saved by the keeper, palmed against the crossbar and eventually caught. Eventually, they got the goal they deserved right before half-time, Kerrnigit's defence splitting pass falling perfectly for Urk, whose right-footed half-volley slammed into the bottom left corner of the net. 1-1 at half time. The Zucchinis started off the second half all cylinders firing, but Dance2Revolution were defending stoutly. Then, in the 53rd minute, a loose ball was cannoned towards goal by Krak, but the excellently struck shot hit the angle of the post and the crossbar, before being cleared by a defender. Urk had possibly the best chance of the half, a pinpoint lob by Kerrnigit finding Urk past the offside trap. He then rounded the keeper, but his toe poke was cleared by a sliding defender off the line. The Zucchinis nearly snatched it right at the end, Kerrnigit charging down the centre, but he was felled by a Dance2Revolution defender. Yew Sei Biu retrieved the ball as the referee played the advantage and was 1 on 1 with the goalkeeper, but his shot was blocked by the onrushing keeper. In the end, the Zucchinis only take back 1 point, and will face an even greater task ahead of them.

dp

Nest Falls 1-0 To Dennisov

*An official from the Eagle's Nest FA comes out.*

Yes I have a statement and will take a few questions.


*ahem*

"The team and coaches will be unable to do interviews for a period of 24 hours. Midway through the second half, many of the starters came down with an acute case of food poisoning and had to be subbed out. Coach Aefnen also has fallen ill. Combined with an apparent case of jetlag, we feel these items led to our loss today. Our doctors assure us they will be ready to play by the next game. Winning both games now is imperitive to getting through to the round of 16."

Questions?

Reporter 1: Yes, can you tell me where they caught teh food poisoning?

Official: Well, we think it was the catered food on the airplane over here. Tuna fish I believe.

Reporter 2: yes, how confident are you about your joint bid with Eauz to host World Cup XV?

Official: We have three great bids in contention against ours, and no matter who wins the bid, it should be a fun cup. Beyond that I have no comment.

Reporter 3: Where did you get the tuna fish?

Official: it was catered in from let me see......*rifles papers* from Rejistania. A gift it seems.....hmmm.

Reporter 4: Um, Is it true that the plane came from Dennisov? Any possible link between that and the sever jetlag you reported?

Official: From where? I didn't..um, well, *looks at aid...aid runs off and comes back in 15 seconds nodding his head* Um, At this time I can't atke any more questions. Next press conference is after our next match. Thank you.

*Official runs off amid a flurry of hands and yelled questions*

Dennisov 1
The Eagles Nest 0

The Eagle's Nest must win both remaining games to have a chance to qualify. A win and a tie will more than likely not be enough to move on.

You Are Cordially Invited
to a brief question and answer period
to be conducted by and on behalf of
The Guy Currently In Charge Of Stuff
For The Frost-Free Borderlands
of Snub Nose 38

Date: Today
Time: Now
Location: The "Elba" Room

R.S.V.P.

(no gifts, please. if you must, please make a donation to saint swithens hospital)

Sturms, Hurricanes tie in first cluster match

Despite their namesakes, the Gesamtkuntswerk Sturms and the Halfassedstates Hurricanes fail to develop a successfully stormy offensive, causing the ninety minutes to pass by without a single kill. The Sturms have led through the game using their patented lightning strike offensive against the Hurricanes, only to find that the Hurricanes had weather-related clichés of their own. Though the two teams played in very different styles, one Sturm fan was overheard saying "Watching a game like this, even if it was scoreless, it was like seeing two blademasters sparring. I enjoyed this game much more than games in the past, in which [the Sturms] blew their competition out of the water." Nevertheless, pending the results of the LE-Kingsford game, both teams only have one point, lagging behind the victor of the aforementioned game. With only two more games to go, the Sturms must secure a victory in order to stay competetively active, but as the Hurricanes were the most difficult team in the group on paper, the Sturms look forward to kills made in future games.

- I don't think so!
- But, Margaret, think of the honor! Personnaly invited by "The Guy Currently In Charge Of Stuff For The Frost-Free Borderlands of Snub Nose 38"!
- Yeah. To the "Elba" room.
- We simply have to go!
- Listen, loon. If we go, we certainly will go...to Elba.
- To...Elba?
- Waddya think they call it the "Elba" Room for, pea-brain?
- But...it's just one match. The Hooligans only lost one match.
- Hello, wall.
- Hello, wall?
- Yeah...see, it's you, me, and the wall in here. Thought I'd address myself to the one with the highest IQ.
- But the wall...oh, I see...you're being rude again, Margaret.
- Think, lunkhead. Runaway Moose is ranked 60th. They beat us 2 to 1. They're the only side in Group B ranked lower than the Hooligans. To an unbiased observer, we are headed down the toilet.
- ...urk...
- I see the dawn breaking over your complete ignorance.
- But...they could still...
- True...but our odds of being shipped off to Elba are now substantially better than theirs.
- We've gotta pack! I can't go to Elba!
- The butler's are packing for us.
- What'll we do?
- We will go for a little walk.
- A little...?
- IF the Hooligans get extremely lucky, we may wallk in a very big circle and wind up back here at the mansion.
- IF...?
- And IF the Hooligans don't get lucky - well, we're heading out in the direction of the border of the Borderlands - who knows where we'll land?


---------------------------------------

Scuttlebutt - Evening Edition

What the...?
Oglethorpia Mike Easter, aspn wire

What the heck happened? I was watching the Hooligans trounce the Runaway Meece today. 13th minute and Mallou scores on a looping shot over the antlers of the Moosian keeper. And that was all she wrote. Shots galore - great chance - marvelous saves - excellent football! And a half time show that...well, this is a family newspaper, so I have to skip over the Hooligan Cheerleaders little escapade. And so, in the second half, with the Hooligans ahead 1 to zip, and 2 minutes to play, I went to the john.

And they lost.

In two minutes, they lost.

I've been crying ever since.

Two goals in two minutes plus one minute of added time.

When I do the math, with 45 minutes in the first half and 2 minutes of added time, and then 43 scoreless minutes in the second half, the Hooligans played a flawless 90 minutes of football.

Then they screwed up for three minutes and lost the match.

The Bedistan Sports Digest

Lewis Happy With Draw
'Better than last time', says manager

BYRANA, Kingsford -- 44,000 people came to Eudis Byran Park in Byrana to watch the local team from Oglethorpia take on the Bedistan Lions. The crowd was mostly Oglethorpian and Kingsforder, with a few stray blue-and-silver clad fans on the end. Most of the Bedistani fans that wanted to watch the match live were out of luck due to insufficient seating.

Not surprisingly, Bedistan manager Johnny Lewis fielded his full starting eleven against Oglethorpia. Lewis played as a striker, wearing the famous #8 jersey, the last time these two teams met back in World Cup 5. "I still remember that game -- it was one of the worst defeats in Bedistani history," he laments. "Oglethorpia don't play games, and believe me, we won't either."

The Lions lined up in their traditional 4-4-2, while Oglethorpia went with a somewhat unorthodox 6-2-2 advocated by manager Pancrazio Albert-Albertson Black as a hoped remedy to the misfortunes of Dick Egoson's all-out attacking stance used in the Wonderteam's final run. Lewis hoped to capitalize on possible confusion caused by the overcrowded Oglethorpian back line.

The Lions dominated early, with their first chance coming on fifteen minutes when Morris McGarity sent a simple pass upfield to striking prodigy Gil Vu, who nearly got his shot past Oglethorpian goalkeeper Henry Lewis-Charleston White, though Lewis-Charleston White managed a spectacular save to rob Vu of the goal. Terry Delk would later make a similar save on an attempt by Hans Gelb, but Oglethorpia would regroup to come up with the first goal when Ruben van Mistletoe put a very nice shot past Delk and into the net.

Johnny Lewis remained calm when faced with a 1-0 deficit at halftime. "Ogle has a strong team," he admitted, "but ours is at least as strong and I think we can still get a result out of this."

And a result he would get. Vu would make a very nice header conversion from a Geraldine Abair free kick that Lewis-Charleston White simply couldn't handle, tying the score at one.

Both sides played a very clean match, with only one card issued in the whole game -- a yellow for Oglethorpian defender Jesús Éclair after a poorly-timed tackle on McGarity. The final score would remain 1-1.

"I'm happy," said Lewis after the match. "This is much better than last time, and to be honest I didn't expect a win against Oglethorpia. They're the toughest team in the group with the possible exception of us, and if we can draw with them in their own region, then surely we can defeat Giant Zucchini again and certainly take down D2R."

Final score:
Oglethorpia 1 (van Mistletoe 35)
Bedistan 1 (Vu 62)

Bookings:
Éclair yellow 78 (OGL)

Group H Update

In other Group H action, Dance 2 Revolution incredibly managed to hold Giant Zucchini to a 1-1 draw as well, meaning all four teams are involved in a four-way tie.

[code:1:d7b07d8dba]Pos Team P W D L F A GD Pts
1 Bedistan 1 0 1 0 1 1 0 1
2 Dance 2 Revolution 1 0 1 0 1 1 0 1
3 Giant Zucchini 1 0 1 0 1 1 0 1
4 Oglethorpia 1 0 1 0 1 1 0 1[/code:1:d7b07d8dba]

Le LIBRE

World Cup 14 Starts

Looking to defend the cup, Les Bleus started their first match of the World Cup up against Sevcia ranked 13th in the world. Le Libre had predicted Sevcia to take first in the group, mainly because Les Bleus have the Curse of Margaret on them for being ranked 1st in the world.

The Captain of Les Bleus, Joseuf visits the holy shrine of Margaret. Entering in the Shrine, one finds Joseuf kneeling on the ground with his head down

Joseuf (softly): I know Les Bleus are cursed now with the rank of 1. This is undeniable. I ask to you though, to lift the curse or let Les Bleus play to their best. Les Bleus were before just another no-name team that everyone ignored. We have played our hearts out, and have turned into a great team. Our name is everywhere in the world now. Please Les Bleus play without a curse, even if they do not make it to the finals. Also, do not hate the supporters of Eauz. It is a new team, and fans have faith in Les Bleus. I know Eauz will have trouble surviving as capitaliZt countries will be expecting to eliminate Les Bleus.

all the candles in the shrine go out, leaving a dark room.

…

The next day, Les Bleus were found playing in a stadium in Oglethorpia against Sevcia. The match came to a surprise to Les Bleus. In the first half, Les Bleus found that there was a large group of Eauz fans, in a section of the stadium. These fans were holding up a sign which read “The Manifesto of Eauz Supporters”. These supporters would help encourage Les Bleus in this match. Joseuf who came from the Shrine was expecting a victory from his team, especially having talked to Margaret. Early in the match, Joseuf kicked the ball towards the net, being stopped by the keeper, who could not keep control of the ball. Rousseu got the rebound, and kicked it into the open net. The goal came during the 13th minute of play. Sevcia came back with an attack. Off of a corner kick, the ball sailed over the group near the net, but back in the possession of Sevcia. The Sevcia player quickly put the kick on net, which deflected off of an Eauz defender and into the net. Yeuseuv was mad at the fact that the ball found its way into the net. After the match, he commented saying “I wanted to continue with a scoreless streak” During the 45th (+2:10) Les Bleus answered back with another goal, just before time finished for the first half. Les Bleus went up 2 – 1.

CapitaliZt countries fans were chanting anti-Eauz remarks, as Les Bleus re-entered the second half of the match. The match stayed pretty much the same until the 78th minute of play during an attack by Les Bleus. With the ball up in the air, a Sevcia player jumped for it, but deflected it towards his own net. This stupid goal put Les Bleus up 3 – 1, and broke the hearts of both Sevcia fans and anti-Eauz fans. The match finished at a 3 – 1 victory for Les Bleus. The next match for Les Bleus will come against Total n Utter Insanity.

OCC: Looks like Snub Nose 38 will win this cup, seeing as Melmond predicted it.

Stadium-by-the Sea, Kingsford -- The drinks flow freely in the luxury box occupied by three of the 11 members of Tanah Burung's collective presidency. They are in fine spirits as the Crocodiles face a familiar foe, The Lowland Clans, in a match coach oreadest has dedicated to the mighty mahogany, monarch of the rain forest.

But all talk is of the predictions. As the Crocs play to a fine 3-1 win against the highest-ranked side in the group, they have already bettered their winless performance in Cockbill Street four years ago. And so talk shifts to possible winners.

"Actually, there's been a prediction already made," says Father Constancio Ainaro, the people's representative for social justice.

"Oh yeah? By who?" asks Bi Kikere, people's representative for sports & territorial defence.

"By, uh, Melmond."

"Melmond?" Bi Kikere roars. "Those scoundrels?"

"The very same. And you'll be thrilled to know who they picked."

"All right. Tell me."

"Snub No--"

"Not the Hooligans!" Bi Kikere spits as she says the word. Red betel juice stains the carpet. "Anyone but them!"

(maybe something on the actual match tomorrow, i'm sleepy now.)

*We are in Kaza Sports Square. An 84th-minute own-goal from Ratin Hytaffi, who deflected a long-range Junior Socrates shot past Huqi Entolibo, has seen the Progressans lose 1-0 to Brazillico.

We see an effigy of Margaret being burned and marched through the streets of Kaza. As the effigy reaches Kaza's main railway terminus, we see former Progressan international and man-mountain striker, Maunkaj Jawelin.*

Chanting fans: WE BLAME MARGARET! WE BLAME MARGARET!...
MJ: Why blame Margaret? Blame Hytaffi!
One of the fans who wasn't chanting: He was inflicted by voodoo magic...
*Fans stop chanting 'WE BLAME MARGARET!' and switch to 'NOT THE VOODOO DICE AGAIN!'. A Stats Progressa official of Rejistanian origin is then seen in the distinctive green-and-black livery of the firm.*

Statistican: It's not voodoo dice this Cup - but if it was, the Progressans would WIN THE WHOLE SLANI TOURNAMENT!
*Fans resume chanting 'WE BLAME MARGARET!' and dump the effigy in a large rubbish bin*

WORLD CUP XIV - MATCHDAY 1

[code:1:ec225187a4]GROUP A Amalgamated Stadium, Oglethorpia
P W D L GF GA GD Pts
Eauz 1 1 0 0 3 1 2 3
Oddslavo 1 1 0 0 1 0 1 3
Total n Utter Insanity 1 0 0 1 0 1 -1 0
Svecia 1 0 0 1 1 3 -2 0

GROUP B Bureaucratized Stadium, Oglethorpia
P W D L GF GA GD Pts
Runaway Moose 1 1 0 0 2 1 1 3
Commerce Heights 1 0 1 0 1 1 0 1
Ravenspire 1 0 1 0 1 1 0 1
Snub Nose 38 1 0 0 1 1 2 -1 0

GROUP C Bennar Salesde Stadium, Kingsford
P W D L GF GA GD Pts
Cockbill Street 1 1 0 0 2 1 1 3
Europa Brittania 1 0 1 0 0 0 0 1
Spaam 1 0 1 0 0 0 0 1
One Red Dot 1 0 0 1 1 2 -1 0

GROUP D Stadium by the Sea, Kingsford
P W D L GF GA GD Pts
Tanah Burung 1 1 0 0 3 1 2 3
Lovebug 1 0 1 0 1 1 0 1
Iansisle 1 0 1 0 1 1 0 1
The Lowland Clans 1 0 0 1 1 3 -2 0

GROUP E TriNational Stadium, Kingsford
P W D L GF GA GD Pts
Audioslavia 1 1 0 0 2 0 2 3
Brazillico 1 1 0 0 1 0 1 3
Kaze Progressa 1 0 0 1 0 1 -1 0
Kerla 1 0 0 1 0 2 -2 0

GROUP F Estadio del Reycastillo, Kingsford
P W D L GF GA GD Pts
Dennisov 1 1 0 0 1 0 1 3
Rejistania 1 0 1 0 1 1 0 1
Lemmitania 1 0 1 0 1 1 0 1
The Eagles Nest 1 0 0 1 0 1 -1 0

GROUP G Consolidated Stadium, Oglethorpia
P W D L GF GA GD Pts
Kingsford 1 1 0 0 2 1 1 3
Halfassedstates 1 0 1 0 0 0 0 1
Gesamskunstwerk 1 0 1 0 0 0 0 1
Liverpool England 1 0 0 1 1 2 -1 0

GROUP H Eudis Bryan Park, Kingsford
P W D L GF GA GD Pts
Bedistan 1 0 1 0 1 1 0 1
Oglethorpia 1 0 1 0 1 1 0 1
Giant Zucchini 1 0 1 0 1 1 0 1
Dance2Revolution 1 0 1 0 1 1 0 1[/code:1:ec225187a4]

Courtesy of the Minister of Statistics, Other Totally Useless Information, and Band Aids

- Did you have to publish this tripe?
- But, it's the truth.
- Truth, smuth. Lookit - You've got the Tanah Burung Crocodiles winning their match 3 to 1 over The Lowland Clans, and leading Group D.
- But the Tanah Burung Crocs did win their match and...
- Don't say it! That's not the point. Look, when that's compared with the Hooligans loss to Runaway Moose - well, we just don't look good.
- But, Jack...that's what happened.
- Listen - I know you're the Minister of Statistics, Other Totally Useless Information, and Band Aids. I suggest you stick to the band aids.
- But...
- You come see me from now on before you publish anything, okay?
- Mr. Cass. I shall publish anything I want, in the interest of...
- Nope. See me first.
- Jack, you can't...
- I can. See, what you should have said is, "After the first matchday of World Cup XIV the Snub Nose Hooligans have only three other sides ahead of them in their Group, while the Tanah Burung Crocodiles are fourth up from the bottom in theirs."
- But...it's the same thing - just wrapped around a bunch of words and...
- It sounds better that way.
- I dunno. It sounds confusing.
- That's the point.
- I can't do that, Jack...Jack?...Jack?

*it seems the mininster of super secret sleuthery has once again slithered silently away*

-------------------------------

*we find the minister of athletics, olympics, and alcoholic beverages "on the road" - hiking in what may...or may not...be a large circle. with him is a mixed entourage of minions, and someone we've come to know as "margaret"*

- ...Kikere! Who asked for her 2 cents, anywho?
- They don't use cents. They use...
- Shuddup! I'm making a point here! I don't need to involve any actual facts!
- Margaret, calm down! You'll wind up back in Saint Swithens hospital if you don't calm yourself.
- Well...I just get angry, ya know?
- Control it. Use it.
- That twisted little, warped little, betle nut chewing little wench! And then those Krazed Progressians go around blaming me for their incompetent football squad! Gack! Whoop!
- CALM DOWN!
-...okay...okay...but, lookit...if I couldn't get the Hooligans to beat Alces Rex, how do they suppose I got The Chili Bats to beat the Krazed Progressians?
- You'd have to ask them. All I know is with the Mousse I poured in your rubber chicken...
- You poured what in my what?
- ...uh oh...

*we decide to leave. we have no wish to be called as a witness in any future "assault and battery" civil suit*

----------------------

RL intervenes before today's match can be RPed. Intend to fix that later.

(EDIT - CORRECTED VENUES FOR GROUPS C, D, E, F & G. Thanks, TB)

Strike Birds Campaign Finsihed

1-0 Loss To Rejistania Knocks Eagle's Nest Out

Still suffereing from food poisoning from something cater from Rejistania on their chartered plane from Dennisov, the Birds had to play many of their substitutes and well, it was ugly, and Rejistania got a goal early in the second half and clamped down the defense. A sick Adams was subbed in with 20 to play to try to work some magic, but to no avail. The Birds for all purpose of discussion will not make it through to the next round. They have a game left against Lemmitania to finish the group, and their only hope is to play spoiler against them.

How quickly the mighty fall. But that is the way of sports, and the Birds will regroup and be ready for World Cup 15, whereever it may be hosted.


Rejistania 1
The Eagle's Nest 0

LNSSN WORLD SOCCER “FOOTBALL” UPDATE (Time Delayed)

Lovebug http://www.nationstates.net/images/flags/uploads/lovebug.jpg VS. Iansisle http://www.nationstates.net/images/flags/uploads/iansisle.jpg

LOPAKAKIKA: Good Day Lovebug. We’re standing here just outside the Stadium by the Sea located in beautiful Thunderbird in spacious Valdestower County, Kingsford. And I quote “The second of three Hashimoto works, Stadium by the Sea has been described as the most beautiful stadium in the world. Named after the Castle by the Sea, built by hero Halifornius Tiberius in 1477, the stadium, build in 1977 on it's 500th year, has hosted the Rovers back into the days of the KFA, where they claimed 2 titles within it's walls. Designed to look like a sea vessel washed ashore, Stadium by the Sea's unique silhouette stands out against the glistening southwestern coast of Thunderbird.” This is where we will be having our first 3 qualifying match-ups.
KANIELAPAKELIKA: In our first match-up the Bulldogs would face the team from Iansisle. The Grand Empire and Dominions of Iansisle is a massive, economically powerful nation, remarkable for its barren, inhospitable landscape found in the NPIG region - A string of islands off North America's west coast, the North Pacific Island Group is home to bitter conflicts, strife, and the best fish-n-chips this side of the Themes. Iansisle’s hard-nosed, hard-working, intelligent population of 2.139 billion enjoy some of the most opulent lifestyles in the region, unless they are unemployed or working-class, in which case they are variously starving to death or crippled by easily preventable diseases. There is no government in Iansisle in the normal sense the word; however, a small group of community-minded, liberal, pro-business individuals juggles the competing demands of Education, Commerce, and Defense. Income tax is unheard of. The main industries are the Automobile Manufacturing industry, followed by Uranium Mining and Gambling industries, although employers in those industries may fire workers without giving any reason, and senior citizens can usually be found doing the bulk of the heavy manual labor. Students are known to arrive at school in their pajamas, and artists are pillars of society. Crime -- especially youth-related -- is crippling, and the police force struggles against a lack of funding and a high mortality rate. Iansisle's national animal is the seagull, which is also the nation's favorite main course, and its currency is the general. Their motto is Debate Triumphs Over All.
LOPAKAKIKA: The Iansisle Ians walked onto the field in their usual Red and White uniforms – facing off with our Bulldogs in the Purple and Silver. The goalkeepers Richard Nielson (Iansisle) and Bear "the Claw" Woods http://www.football-rumours.com/images/frankdeboer.jpg (Lovebug) got settled into their respective nets. We would see in the end that the two keepers were evenly matched each allowing one goal to slip past them.
KANIELAPAKELIKA: It would be Iansisle’s #3 -- Alexander Truman to score first midway through the first half. Lovebug’s Left Wing Amos "Hip Man" Potter http://www.football-rumours.com/images/burukOkan.jpg would tie it up early in the second, and that’s where the scoreboard would stay for the rest of the game. We’ll be back after these messages with another update.

Dennisov Waltzes to Draw with Lemmitania

Lemmitania 0
Dennisov 0

A game between two veteran teams and it showed.
Neither team seemed willing to play today. Both seemed just as happy to share stories and have a cup of tea instead of playing football. If those stories include the other game in their group remains to be seen, but it left the door open for both [Eagle's lost 1-0 to Rejistania]. Dennisov on 4 points, Rejistania on 4 and Lemmitania on 2. This should really be report on events in the game, but quite honestly after not being able to find Lemmitania's line-up it may just have been fate there is nothing to write about.

The first half saw exactly one foul, committed by Dennisov defender Gershwin, the referee gave him a warning and for a moment it looked the game might go spiralling down in a flurry of fouls and bookings. The resulting free-kick wasn't however even played forward but carefully delivered to one of Lemmitania's defenders.
Dennisov didn't show any offensive capabilities either. It was like watching a chess-game, without any players to move the pieces.

This will of course result in a very interesting last game. Lemmitania will play last-placed the Eagle's Nest while the bunnies have to face off with Rejistania. None of the three teams can be absolutely sure of qualifaction yet. The rule book was left home so in order to determine the exact rules when teams finish on equal points, if you want to find out you'll have to ring the organising countries.

(Can't see the pic on this background)

http://www.dirt-racing.com/3wide/sites/aofiles/coh.gif
Cup of Harmony XIV Signup Thread (http://www.nationstates.)

(Very cool logo!)
(also ooc: the scores thread has Group D playing at Stadium by the Sea, i hope that's still right despite Snub's tables. And if anyone's curious, a rough regional map is located at freewebs.com/tanah_burung/ehv5.jpg)

DAILY CROCODILE
Second round beckons!

The Crocodiles have never had a very successful record when playing in Kingsford. The problem it seems, lay not in the location, but in who they were playing.

Thousands of rabid Crocs fans have descended on Thunderbird City in the far southwestern corner of Kingsford, taking advantage of special package deals on the inter-regional maglev line. The Stadium by the Sea seems almost transformed into home ground for the Crocs. Eauz and Brazillico seem to be experiencing a similar effect, as all three non-hosting Emerald Heights states won their opening match. The Crocs managed an upset over The Lowland Clans with goals by Black-and-Red Army strikers Maria Miskita and Mari Bin Amude, and a third marker added by midfielder Anderson Mutang.

"It was a great result for us, and all honour to the mahogany tree," said oreadest, the cult hero from Errinundera now coaching the Crocs. A naturalized citizen, he is the first foreign-born person to sit in the coach's ejector seat.

Oreadest dedicated game two against Lovebug to the mangrove tree, "which grows in splendour along the coasts of these tropical lands, much like this majestic stadium salutes the southern ocean." And Mangrove Day was a good one for the Crocs.

Carmel Budiardjo opened the scoring early with a high shot to the top left corner that curved in just below the crossbar, and Jose Maubere added another en route to a 2-1 win. "I was especially pleased to see the team playing as a team," oreadest said. "I feel it's far more democratic to have the glory spread around, so i'm pleased to see our five goals have been scored by five different players."

The win gives the Crocs six points. With no other Group D side earning more than a single point from their first match, that means Tanah Burung goes through to the second round, their best performance in many years. If Iansisle defeats The Lowland Clans later today, the top spot will be up for grabs in a Crocs-Ians rematch. Tanah Burung and Iansisle met twice in qualifiers, each winning at home.

"That would be a great opporunity for both sides," oreadest said. "I feel bad about the rather hostile reception they got in Loro Sae during qualifiers, and i'm promising a friendly and clean match this time. I can also reveal that the match is dedicated to the banyan tree, known for the generous shade of its spreading branches. That's in honour of the people of Kingsford, who have shown our fans such wonderful hospitality despite the rather, uh, boisterous attitudes of some of our fans, which might offend their conservative values at other times. My mug of microbrew is raised to them."

Investigations have revealed that the coach is refusing to drink Stout Lout, official beer of the World Cup, finding it "overpriced, overhyped and overfattening." His beer of choice is Nut Brown Durian Ale, a "clean-tasting, ethical" beverage brewed from discarded durian-fruit skin using low-impact environmental methods by a small cooperative of lesbian amputees.

Headlines:
Sowhatsville News
Destiny still in own hands - just!
Whogivesa Gazette
The flapping of a butterfly's wings?
Getoverit Star
It's not looking good for the Hurricanes!


A late, late goal from Ya rescued a point for the Hurricanes against the Philosophers in the Estadia del Reycastillo last night.
The 22nd ranked Liverpool England side had taken the game to the Halfassed team from the opening kick-off, knowing that they needed a win to maintain their chance in the competition after an opening day defeat to hosts Kingsford.
Just on the stroke of half-time, they took the lead with a sublime volley from (#9 - sorry forums assing about :( )
With a point from the game against the Sturms, the Hurricanes also needed the points to maintain their interest in the competition. With 65 mins gone, Piper finally re-introduced top scorer Sherwood and went to a 3-4-3. The change helped pile the pressure on the Philosophers, but they looked like they would escape with the victory, until with just 3 minutes left, Wicks released Sherwood and when his shot was parried by the keeper, Ya was on hand to convert the re-bound and send the Halfassed fans to nirvana!

The result leaves Halfassed on 2 points, with LE on 1.
Halfassed however will have the luxury (if you can call it that) of going into the final game with their destiny in their own hands.
Facing the hosts Kinsford, the players will know that a win would be enough to see them through, no matter what the result of the other two games (Ges V King to-day and Heartland clash between Ges and LE on the final day.)
If Kingford win against Gesamtkuntswerk, then they will have qualified and Halfassed would join them with a win.
If the Sturms win, then a Halfassed win would see them leap-frog Kingsford for one of the two places.
If the two draw, then Halfassed could edge out Kingsford on GD with a win.

The Hurricanes could even make it with a draw, but they need a lot of other things to go right for that to happen.

Chilli-twats
Brazillicoh my fricken god dude

Audioslavia found themselves utterly out-classed by a free-flowing and free-scoring Brazillico side yesterday as they walked into the recieving end of a three-goal battering.

Maracana put the Chilli-Bats ahead with a twenty-yard belter after Audioslavia failed to efficently clear Brazillico's fourth succesive corner. The shot raked past a stranded James Scott and into the corner.

Audioslavia barely had time to recover before Brazillico mounted their next attack. Time and time again Cannon and Socrates eased their way behind the frail Audioslavia wingers and pulled the side-centre-backs Pearce and Carsley out of position, leaving a two-man defence dangerously exposed to Brazillico's double-barrelled (or 'Cannoned') strike force. It was such a situation which gave Brazillico their second goal after the break as Andy/Adam/Arnold/Awhatever Cannon met a Socrates cross with a thundering volley which sped into the top corner with Scott helpless.

Half-time came and went with Audioslavia making two substitutions, bringing off Donal Faulder and Jeff Jordan and bringing on two more defensive-minded players in Jordi Neeskens and Leif Hogan. It was to no avail, as the holes in the 'slaves midfield remained just as wide, and on sixty minutes the Chilli-Bat substitute Quintana broke through to get the third and final goal.

Audioslavia couldnt force a fight-back out of their team, and Aaron O`Malley put the icing on the shit-cake by getting himself sent from the field after a vicious and un-necessary tackle on McCosh.

It was shades of Oglethorpia again, as difficult memories of the 'slaves 3-0 bashing on MD2 of World Cup Twelve came flooding back. If the 'slaves can take anything from the game, its that they then went on to the final.

FINAL SCORE
Audioslavia 0 (O`Malley s/off 82)
Brazillico 3 (Maracana 21, A. Cannon 38, Quintana 61)
[code:1:f379327066]
GROUP E
P W D L GF GA GD Pts
Brazillico 2 2 0 0 4 0 4 6
Kaze Progressa 2 1 0 1 1 1 0 3
Audioslavia 2 1 0 1 2 3 -1 3
Kerla 2 0 0 2 0 3 -3 0 E

MD1
AUD 2-0 KER
BRZ 1-0 KPR

MD2
AUD 0-3 BRZ
KPR 1-0 KER
[/code:1:f379327066]

Thanks to the results today, Group E is more or less wrapped up, with Kerla definately out and Brazillico definately through. The winner of Audioslavia Vs Kaze Progressa will join the chilli-bats in the second round, whereas a draw would see Kaze Progressa go through on goal-difference.

I've been Jeremy Jaffacake, g'nite bitches

The Columbia Times

Another Draw
Tomorrow's match decides our fate

BYRANA, KINGSFORD -- There really isn't all that much to say about today's World Cup XIV first-round match against Giant Zucchini. At least when we played Oglethorpia somebody scored; that wasn't true this time. A real sleeper of a match resulted in a nil-all draw between Bedistan and Giant Zucchini.

This means that the final match against Dance 2 Revolution will decide what happens to the Lions, regardless of what went on between Oglethorpia and D2R today, because depending on that result...

If Oglethorpia won...
OGL - 4
BED - 2
GIZ - 2
D2R - 1

If D2R won...
D2R - 4
BED - 2
GIZ - 2
OGL - 1

If they drew (heaven forbid)...
BED - 2
D2R - 2
GIZ - 2
OGL - 2

Let us, for now, assume the most likely result -- an Oglethorpian victory. That means...

If Oglethorpia and Bedistan win tomorrow...
OGL - 7
BED - 5
GIZ - 2
D2R - 1

If Giant Zucchini and Bedistan win tomorrow...
BED - 5
GIZ - 5
OGL - 4
D2R - 1

If Bedistan wins tomorrow and Oglethorpia and GZ draw...
BED - 5
OGL - 5
GIZ - 3
D2R - 1

Even if Oglethorpia didn't win today, we've done the calculations, and a Bedistani win over Dance tomorrow would still seal a place in the second round. Go Lions!

In the headquarters of Janamirakansu JSK, the biggest rejistanian airline. The three founder and directors of the company are in a meeting, the mood: ernest, worried with a slight touch of fear.

Haril Jana: It is a disaster, those eagles do claim us for their mediocre performance. You know what'll happen if a lawsuit starts?

(a long silence follows in which everyone imagines the consequences which would follow)

Hedi Mira: Economical existance doesn't loom in Na~ovi....
(a slight smile follows this Jisu Jetta quote)

Meya Kansu: I still don't see why they blame us.

Hedi Mira: Well, they say that they got sick due to a food poisoning in a flight with our airline, thus lost twice, thus out of the cup. You know how strict judges sometimes are.

Meya Kansu: Sure. This slani SLS lawsuit wasn't too long ago. SLS never had a chance to defeat Na~ovi Nanti, even without the turbulences there were on that flight to Na~ovi. But they slani WON in the court. <censored for decency>

Haril Jana: True, Ila Iles!

Meya Kansu: Why for *bleep*'s sake did the Eagles fly with Janamirakansu, they have domestic airlines.

Haril Jana: We outpriced them.

Hedi Mira: PR reasons, that was it. Always good to be able to say: 'The national team flies Janamirakansu.' Even if the national team aren't the Orange-Blues.

Meya Kansu: We risked the future of the company for a marketing gag?

Haril Jana: So it seems.

Hedi Mira: Stupid tuna-fish!

Meya Kansu: Tuna-fish?

Hedi Mira: Yes, they got the food-poisoning from tuna-fish, at least they claimed.

Meya Kansu: But,... we don't serve tuna-fish on our flights. Too expensive, too risky.

Hedi Mira: I'll check that! (hurries away)

(after only a while Mira comes back)
Hedi Mira: No fish at that day. Some sounthern rejistanian speciality was served at that flight.

Meya Kansu: Kansustanian specialities? I fear the worst. the are normally very spicy, the Eagles surely weren't used to this.

Hedi Mira & Haril Jana: Oh bugger!

Meya Kansu: We advertise the specialities we serve, so they knew the risk...

Haril Jana: but still...
(eerie silence, a bit too eerie for us, we leave this place (we are only here because the RP requires us to be here) and tune in RejisCAST, unfortunately we just missed the news, we ust hear: 'Rejistania won over The Eagles Nest 1:0' before the weather forecast starts)

Le LIBRE

Les Bleus advance

Returning to the shrine, Joseuf is found once again on his knees.

Joseuf: I thank you so far, for our success. Many believe that it is just the great team of Les Bleus, but you have also played a large part in the success of Les Bleus. I know you could take all of that away in an instant. I once again thank you for lifting the curse, and allowing us to play and prove we were not a joke as of last season.

Playing at Amalgamated Stadium, Oglethorpia, Les Bleus were pitted against experienced team of Total n Utter Insanity. Les Bleus came out of the match winning it 1 – 0. The victory means, Les Bleus have now qualified for the second round of this world cup, where they would meet up with one of the teams from Group B.

OCC: Sorry, I was kind of busy today, and didn’t find time to RP much at all.

Tuck’s Travels
By Henry Tuck, Sheriff of Crimpton County

After beating the location of the Kingsford National out of a hobo, I realized the truth. I was headed to Oglethorpia. I packed my rolling suitcase and set off on my journey. Through Kingsford it was tough, especially without my noble steed. Geo. Noble Lawnmower-engined steed. Hmm…

I soon came upon a building I had seen once before. With the pristine white surface and reflectant blue windows, I knew, this was the Oglethorpian border partrol. But when I arrived there, I was bombarded with a slew of questions, jeers, and comments I had not expected to receive from the large-headed neighbors.

“What is your name?”

“Henry Tiddlywinks” (for I could not use my real alias, I’m still wanted in Brazillico, Oglethorpia, Tanah Burung, and Eauz)

“You want to know something?”

“What’s that?” I asked, anxiously.

“Well, it’s too bad that our friends can’t be with us today.”

“Well that’s too bad.”

“Hey, Henry, you wanna know something else?”

“Well, actually, I—”

“The machine that we built would never save us.”

“That’s what they say.”

“And that is why they ain’t coming with us today!”

“With us? Where are we going?”

“You know, they also said ‘It’s impossible for a man to live and breath underwater…”

“Reall—”

“Forever.”

“Hmm. Well. That’s fascinating.”

“And they also threw this in my face: They said Anyway, you know good well it would be beyond the will of God, and the grace of the King.”

“Grace of the King?”

“Yeah Yeah”

“Hey—”

“Jude”

“No, it’s Henry.”

“Henry”

“Can I, uh, go?”

“Go where?”

“Well, I’d like to go onto Oglethorpia.”

“Well…”

“Well?”

“Well I realize that I’ve been hypnotized, I love your gypsy eyes.”

“My what?”

“I love your gypsy eyes.”

“ALRIGHT!”

“Hey! Gypsy.”

“Ok, it would be really helpful if you could cooperate.”

“You know”

“WHAT!?”

“There must be some way out of here.”

“YES! IT’S THAT WAY!”

“Said the Joker to the Thief.”

“Alright, there’s too much confusion.”

“And I can’t get no relief!”

“You business men.”

“We drink our wine.”

“Obviously.”

“And Plowmen dig my earth.”

“Look, there’s a line now. No one will level on the line.”

“NOBODY OF IT IS WORTH!”

“How do you know that!?”

“No reason to get excited.”

“You called those people worthless.”

“The thief, he kindly spoke.”

“Ok, you know what? There are many here among us.”

“Who feel that life is but a joke?”

“How should I know?”

“BUT! You and I, we’ve been through that.”

“I’ve never even met you before.”

“This is not our fate.”

“So, uh, let us stop talking falsely now. The hour’s getting late.”

“Hey.”

“What?”

“You can go.”

“Finally.”

“BUT! Before you do.”

“What?”

“…”

“Well?”

“I don’t wanna say it.”

“Go ahead, you’ve already made a travesty of the country.”

“Well, if you put it that way…”

“Yes?”

“ALL ALONG THE WATCHTOWER! THE PRINCESS KEPT THE VIEW! WHILE ALL THE WOMEN CAME! AND WENT BARE FEET SERVANTS TOO! OUTSIDE IN THE COLD DISTANCE! A WILD CAT DID GROWL! TWO RIDERS WERE APROACHING! AND THE WIND BEGAN TO HOWL!”

“…Is that all?”

“…HEY!”

“…How bout now?”

“Yeah, I think so.”

“So can I go then?”

“Yeah, go ahead.”

“Thanks.”

I continued my journey barefoot into the Bureaucratic States. I hoped not to run into anymore musical folks, because frankly, it’s annoying. However, my dreams were short lived, when I met a fellow walking the opposite way along the Oglethorpian countryside.

“What’s your name.”

“Vanilla.”

“Name, not flavor.”

“Vanilla.”

“Let me guess, your last name is Ice Cream.”

“Just Ice.”

“Vanilla…Ice?”

“Yeah, VIP.”

“I thought you died.”

“No way.”

“What are you doing in Oglethorpia?”

“Chicks looooooove the high top.”

“The what?”

“The high top.”

“You mean that animal you call hair?”

“You better watch it. Ize got the street credit?”

“What streets? Schenectady?”

“…Shut up.”

“Bel Air?”

“Naw, the ghetto.”

“You mean Hartford, Connecticut?”

“No, man, like Harlem, Watts, Compton.”

“Compton? You mean Crimpton?”

“Huh?”

“Crimpton is a county.”

“Huh?”

“In Kingsford.”

“…Huh?”

“Are you that dumb?”

“Yo, VIP, Let’s kick it!”

“Oh lord.”

“Collaborate and listen/
Ice is back with my brand new invention/
Something grabs a hold of me tightly/
Then I flow that a harpoon daily and nightly/
Will it ever stop?/”

“Please, let the answer be yes.”

“Yo—I don’t know/
Turn off the lights and I’ll glow/
To the extreme I rock a mic like a vandal/
Light up a stage and wax a chump like a candle./”

“Which kindergarten class wrote your lyrics?”

“Mrs. Johnson.”

“Right.”

“I mean, yo, me and my homez!”

“Sorry, I’m gonna have to kill you now.”

“Huh?”

“Kill. As in dead.”

“Huh?”

“Like, not living.”

“Huh?”

“With a gun.”

Bum rush the speaker that booms/
I’m killin your brain like a poisonous mushroom/
Deadly, when I play a dope melody/
Anything less than the best is a felony./”

“Well then you’ve committed a crime, and now you must pay.”

I took out a gun and shot his fake high top disgrace to the white men. And thus, the man that sent us back 50 years is now no more. In the distance, I heard Freddy Mercury stop turning over in his grave and lay at rest. And I continued my journey.

The epic will continue…

Philosophers: Wake Up!
Guy Picciotto is back in Oglethorpia. And yet he has only one point to his credit from a possible six while back in his native land. Liverpool england faced Kingsford and Halfassedstates in the two matchdays in WCXIV so far, and have gained, notably, only a 1-1 draw and a 1-2 loss.

We expected disappointment, but not in this form. Here's where it stands now:
Kingsford P2 Pts 3/4/6
Gesamtkuntswerk P2 Pts 1/2/4
Halfassedstates P2 Pts 2
Liverpool England P2 Pts 1

-If Kingsford won their match, they qualified.
-If Halfassedstates win against Kingsford, they qualify.
-If Kingsford and Gesamtkuntswerk drew, and Liverpool England beat Gesamtkuntswerk on the last day and Halfassedstates fail to win against Kingsford, the Philosophers make it in.
-If Gesamtkuntswerk won, a Liverpool England win on the last day coupled with failure of Halfassedstates to win [a draw is not enough] is enough for the Philosophers to qualify.

“...Welcome back. You’re listening to ‘The Wright Foot’ with me, Joseph Wright. I’m here in the studio talking about the Ians latest escapades in the World Cup with Mr Frank Bentley. Now, Mr Bentley...”

“That’s a beautiful venue they have.”

“Er, pardon?”

“The Stadium by the Sea. Simply beautiful.”

“Of course it is. But that aside, we’re here to talk about the game that was played there today.”

“You mean against the Lowland Clans? We mobalized them.”

“Indeed we did - predicated, of course, on the fact that I managed to correctly guess the meaning of that word you made up.”

“I don’t think I made it up. I’m pretty sure I heard it somewhere.”

“Of course.”

“Maybe a moving picture?”

“That’s really not the point...”

“I think it was Rocky and Bullwinkle...”

“Mr Bentley!”

“Sorry! Yes - eh, but who really cares about this game?”

“Millions of fans back in Iansisle?”

“No, I mean - this one’s over. We need to be looking forward to crushing Tanah Burung in the next match!”

“We...we do?”

“Yeah. The Crocs won today, so we have to beat ‘em to win the group.”

“I’m fairly sure we’d advance without winning the group. I think the top two advance, in fact..”

“But that’s not the point! If we crush them, not only is our honor avenged, but then there’s no chance of Lovebug slipping through in our stead.”

“I don’t think Lovebug has all that good of a chance. They’ve a lot of heart, but they probably won’t beat The Lowland Clans on heart alone.”

“Why not? We beat them on heart alone.”

“Some might say that the superb combination of Truman and Lyon with Ravenhill off the bench is what beat the Lowland Clans today, Mr Bentley. And weren’t you just claiming a moment ago that this game wasn’t all that...

“You miss my point, Joe...”

“Don’t call me Joe.”

“..my point was that the Fates deemed we should win that game. But they haven’t decided the score of our game with the Crocs yet.”

“Wait a moment. Isn’t that a case of hindsight being 20-20? If we had lost this game, wouldn’t you be saying that the fates had demanded a loss from us, but hadn’t yet decided on the Tanah Burung game?”

“Are you saying that you don’t believe in the Fates, Joe?”

“Don’t ...wait, that’s not what I’m saying...”

“Do you know what we do with non-believers?”

“I’d really rather not...”

“Sacrifice them to appease the Fates.”

“That’s lovely...good think I’m a believer...anyone out there, please call the police now!...Yup, Mr Believer-pants. That’s what the kids at school used to call me. Yup, yup.”

“Well, if you’re sure, Joe...do you mind if I call you Joe?”

“N...no, not at all! Haha! Of course not!”

“’Cause, it’s kind of weird...y’know...your name being Joe Wright...like Joe Right.”

“R..really? I hadn’t noticed. Er, tell me, Mr Bentley...what do you think the Ians need to do to win the coming match with Tanah Burung?”

“Sacrifice a virgin.”

“I see...oh, thank God...I mean, drat! That’s all the time we have today, folks. Make sure not to touch that dial. I’ll be back tomorrow...if I’m lucky. Good night!”

*the stars spill across the night sky somewhere in the borderlands of...the borderlands. several figures are seated around a campfire on the shore of this remote lake. as we carefully make our way closer, we hear the cry of a loon (no, not the minister of athletics, olympics, and alcoholic beverages - a real loon) out on the lake. closer now, we hear a radio, volume low, tuned to aspn. we can make out beverly, lightly strumming a guitar, and the minister of athletics, olympics, and alcoholic beverages, a bottle of "38 special in his left hand, several empty bottles in his general vicinity. seated between them is someone in burgundy robes and a midnight blue hooded cape. we think there's someone else, but every time we think we see him, we don't. but then we do, until we try to focus - and then we don't again.*

- By crackies, they won!
- By what?
- Crackies. By crackies, Beverly.
- What, exactly, are "crackies", Margaret?
- Got 'er there, lass. Hehehe! Hehe!
- Stop that inane chuckling!
- Soon's you tell our Bev just what "crackies" is. Hehehehe!
- Just an expression.
- Gack! Jack! You have got to stop doing that.
- Sorry, Margaret. Force of habit.
- Hehehe! "Crackies"! Tell 'em what's "crackies"! Hehehe!

*at this point, the minister of athletics, olympics, and alcoholic beverages slowly tips over and lands with his face in the dust. margaret leans over and rescues his beer, setting it upright and out of reach. she slips a rolled up blanket under his head, and beverly helps her spread another over his reclining form.*

- I had no idea we brought so much beer along, Margaret.
- Well, Bev, we weren't supposed to. But he emptied out the back-pack the butler packed for him and filled it with beer.
- So...
- No clothes, no clean socks, no food, no tooth brush...plenty of beer.
- He likes his "38 Special"
- Jack, he would marry it if it were legal.
- What about the "crackies"?
- It's just an old expression, Beverly.
- You mean like "By gum"?
- Or "Buy Bonds"?
- Um...yes to the "gum", no to the "bonds". And, can we get drop it?
- Does seem kinda...well...who brought it up?
- "The Lord 'o The Beer" over there.
- ANYWAY...the Hooligans won. Two nil over Commerce Heights.
- Did you hear the Cheerleaders?
- Sure did,

"Hooligans, Hooligans, Hip Hurray!
Gonna womp CH on the pitch today!
Snub Nose Hooligans need the win
Commerce Heights?
Well, maybe - but Althletics Low."

- Sure sounded like J.W. made a couple great saves.
- Well, the Cheerleaders aside, Commerce Heights is an excellent football side.
- Not quite good enough today, though.
- Good thing, too, for the Hooligans. They needed the three points to keep their chances alive, after the loss to Alces Rex the other day.
- Not so good for Commerce Heights. With their draw with Ravenspire, they're left with only one point and one match to go.
- A lot depends on what the results of the Ravenspire - Runaway Moose match are. If RM wins, then they'd have 6 points, we have 3, and both CH and Raven will have 1. If they draw, then RM'll have 4, we still have our 3, Raven will have 2 and CH their 1.
- And if Ravenspire wins, they'll have 4, both RM and the Hooligans 3, and CH the 1.
- So, then, is it safe to turn this little "hike" into a nice loop back to the mansion?
- Not yet, Bev. I'd say the Hooligans stand a decent chance of going through - but there's also still a pretty good chance they'll wind up on a flight home after the next match.
- So...
- So, we'll just roast some more marshmallows, drink up a couple of sleepy-heads "38 Specials", and wait and see how the Ravenspire match goes.

*not a bad idea. as margaret and beverly skewer a few marshmallows, we start rummaging around for the beer-laden back pack of the minister of athletics, olympics, and alcoholic beverages.*

LNSNN WORLD SOCCER “FOOTBALL” UPDATE (Time Delayed)

KANIELAPAKELIKA: We’re here at Stadium by The Sea with another update for all the Bulldog fans out there. In our first match up since we left you the Bulldogs faced off in a tough match-up against Tanah Burung. We would eventually loose that match-up 2-1. Now with the story is my partner LOPAKAKIKA.

LOPAKAKIKA: Thanks Kanielpakelika. As my partner said our opponents hailed from the nation known as Tanah Burung. This country located in The Emerald Heights region, has a population of 2.853 billion, and a tax rate of 100%. The government is a Anarchy system and private industries are illegal but black market gambling is big. The national animal is the swallow and the currency is the loonie. They brought with them a small but powerful team of 11 that included Maria Miskita, in her fourth WC tournament, an attacker out of the Black and Red Army, LEAF. Captain Rashid Nazir, a third time WC player and defensive man also out of the Black and Red Army met pre-game at center field with our Captain Goalie Bear “The Claw” Woods for the coin toss. We would call heads, it would fall tails – Tanah Burung to decide which side of the field they would play. Of course we would get stuck playing facing the sun the entire first half before the sun would fall during the half time. It would be all Tanah Burung that first half scoring twice just as our goalie was being blinded by the rays of sun bouncing off the clear blue water – once by Mid-Fielder Anderson Mutang in his second WC tournament and again later by Maria Miskita. We would turn it around late in the second half coming within one goal of a tie when no. 30 Charles "Bullet Head" Cockren – 3rd string Right Fullback, a veteran of the Lovebug Soccer Circuit, scored his first official WC tournament goal. http://www.football-rumours.com/images/carstenjancker2.jpg We would be pumped afterwards and made several valiant efforts to score but TB’s goalie – Andi Mallarageng of the Rubber Tappers, making his second WC tournament appearance was just on his game today and would not allow another ball in his net. Next, we will face The Lowland Clans, a well-known name in WC Sports. We’ll be back with that story later.

Zucchinis Defend Stoutly, Hold Favourites Bedistan to 0-0 Draw

Right from the start, it was obvious that Bedistan were going to be on the attack in this encounter. Right as the Zucchinis kicked off, Roose intercepted and the Bedistani team put together their fair share of smooth passes, before Karen Neighbors' shot forced Oog into making a reflex save. Bedistan almost got the lead again, Gil Vu spinning 180 degrees and striking the ball towards the top corner, but Oog was up to it, as he leapt and held on to the ball with his left hand. The Zucchinis almost pulled off a goal against the run of play, when Gung unleashed a killer pass down the left flank, but Thunk's shot was well wide. Play was fairly even until just before half time, when Abair slipped in the Zucchini box. However, his left foot caught the ball, and the ball was curving menacingly towards the far post. However, a last gasp leap by Oog and the ball was palmed beyond the post. Bedistan came out attacking in the second half as well, Gil Vu hitting the far post with a rasping shot from inside the area minutes after kickoff. Soon Gil Vu was involved in the action again, his backheel setting up Neighbours, but the shot was covered well by Oog. Neighbours almost did it, his weaving run tearing through the Zucchini defence, but Oog saved at his feet before he could muster a shot on goal. The tables almost turned right at the death, when Aargh gave away a penalty deep into extra time. Bedistan was quietly confident that they will get their win, and Gil Vu was at the spot. His penalty was curling towards the bottom right corner but Oog dived instinctively and palmed the ball away to keep the Zucchinis in the competition with their second draw. The Zucchinis face yet another tough proposition in the form of co-hosts Oglethorpia, and the fate of the Zucchinis lie in the hands of the next match.

Dewey, Cheetum, and Howe
Barristers - Attorneys at Law
And Lawn Maintenance

President, Chief Executive Officer, or What-Have-You
Eclectic Lemming Corporation
Lemmington, Lemmitania

Sir, Madam, Other, as appropriate:

We have been retained by one "Margaret", of the Ministry of Athletics, Olympics, and Alcoholic Beverages of the Frost-Free Borderlands of Snub Nose 38, with reference to the following quote from one of your recent advertisements:

Woman: No, silly, I’m supplicating to the Random Number Gods! Can’t you tell from my official MargaretMask™?
We draw your attention to the "trade mark" "MargaretMask". Our client advises us that there has been no "quid pro quo" - no remuneration - no value for value reciprocity - for the commercial use of her name, and by association, repututation. It is customary in the world of commerce, nay, it is mandatory, to offer something of value in exchange for the use of something of value.

Our client feels affronted, offended, demeaned, ignored, belittled (our client has a lot of feelings), abused, mis-used, robbed...and just a little queesy.

On her behalf, we make a simple demand. Money. Lots of it. Say, a couple trillion Lemmings.

Small, unmarked bills in a brown paper bag in the hollow of the old oak in the center of Sten Park.

Cordially,

Huey and Louis,
of Dewey, Cheetum, and Howe.

To: Messrs. "Huey" and "Louie" of "Anderson, Bruford, Wakeman, and Howe"
From: Mort Spignatz, Eclectic Lemming Corporation staff attorney
Date: May 23, 200-
Subject: Your frivolous lawsuit

Dear Huey and Louie,

On being informed of your request for remuneration, our client, the Eclectic Lemming Corporation, had but two things to say: "Hah!" and "Whatever." We challenge you to find a single example of evidence of the existence of this so-called "MargaretMask" which you so carelessly claim that we claim to have used in an advertisement. We are confident no such evidence will be unearthed.

In fact, "gentlemen," or "ducks," if you prefer, it has come to the attention of this corporation's legal counsel that the "MargaretMask" of which you claim we speak has not, in fact, been marketed, manufactured, or even conceived of by any company in the known world (including both the nations of Lemmitania and Snub Nose 38 ).

Furthermore, we will go one step further. If you greedy little bastards are interested in entering into a marketing deal, ELC's R&D division is prepared to research and develop a product called the MargaretMask which could function (according to our R&D people) in much the same facility as the non-existent product purportedly referred to in our advertisement.

If you're interested, drop us a line. Otherwise, go ahead and sue our pants off. If you win, we'll have no pants. And then we can moon you.

Love,

Mort

The Brazillico Advance

PWNED!
Brazillico Revert to Vintage Orange Uniforms; find WC6 Form

By Jake Tartare

The Brazillico Football Association chose their match against Audioslavia in Kingsford, the fashion capital of the football nations (due mainly to their overwhelmingly large number of ambiguously sexually oriented citizens) to unveil their new uniforms. They were based on the vintage orange ones sported by the World Cup 5-6 champion teams and were supposed to be a welcome change from those gaudy lilac monstrosities. What the F.A. didn't know was that along with a change of clothes would come a change in fortune.

From the first touch of the ball, Brazillico had the upper hand. Whether the change in pantaloons brought with it a second wind is welcome to speculation, but nonetheless, Brazillico came to play.

In the 19th Minute, some feisty work by Filipo Cannon on the wing won Brazillico a corner. Tobias Cannon elected to take the corner, and it was easily headed out of the box by the ghost of Nandy Yale past. However, Tom Maracana came charging in from midfield and unleashed a wicked rocket into the top corner, giving James Scott no chance.

James Scott plays his club football in Brazillico, so many of the Chili Bats were well aware of his game. They also knew he has one, and only one, weakness. James Scott has a helluva time trying to stop balls destined for the top corner.

With their plan of attack evidently targeting this fundamental flaw in Mr. Scott’s game, Alex and Sandro Cannon stormed up the field and were looking to add another. After some precise passing, Sandro elected to pass it across to the ghost of Junior Socrates past (Yes, the very same who went down with a career ending eye injury in the last match of qualifying :wink:), who cheekily chipped a volley into the top corner, leaving Scott helplessly flailing through the air in a vain attempt to stop the ball. The Bats were up 2-0.

Brazillico’s quest for the top corner continued for the rest of the game, with every shot trying to be placed just inside that upper corner of the woodwork. Fortunately for the ‘Slaves, most of Brazillico’s shots whistled high, wide or off the bar. Brazillico went into the half with a 2-0 lead.

Some strong words by the Audioslavian manager woke the Slaves up a bit as they came out for the second half. A flurry of pressure early in the half saw Audioslavia bring all their troops forward, but unfortunately for the Audioslavic side, all chances were thwarted by a stingy Brazillican defense or a sharp David Robinho.

Audioslavia was pressing so hard to pull one back that they kind of forgot their defensive responsibilities, making it easy for Octavio Quintana to slip behind the defense on a through ball by Tom Maracana. Fans in attendance could see James Scott telling himself, “Left or right, left or right, left or right,” as he shook his fingers in anticipation for Quintana’s shot, which would most likely be directed into some top corner.

James Scott had a meltdown there.

The Audioslavian keeper began frantically running around in figure eights in the six-yard box before bolting off the field of play and into the tunnel. Quintana lackadaisically rolled the ball across the goal line to put Brazillico ahead by three. Audioslavia subsequently replaced the AWOL Scott with their reserve keeper.

The rest of the match was pretty uneventful, barring a distinctly Brazillican show of poor sportsmanship by the opposition, when Aaron O’Malley slewfooted Simon McCosh, earning himself a red card. Brazillico left the field after 90 minutes with their heads up high, having all but secured a birth in the second round.

The future is a tad bit more glum for the Slaves however, as they face a must win against Kaze Progressa to book a spot into the final 16. To make matters worse, goalkeeper James Scott kept running once he hit the tunnel, flying through the stadium gates, bolting out of town and landing somewhere into the Kingsfordian wilderness. If you have any information on the whereabouts of Mr. Scott, please contact the authorities ASAP. This man is not well, and the sight of anything flying into some top corner shaped object may further drive him into madness.

Dewey, Cheetum, and Howe
Barristers - Attorneys at Law
And Lawn Maintenance

Mort Spignatz,
Eclectic Lemming Corporation staff attorney
Lemmington, Lemmitania

Mr. Spignatz:

Mort! Great to hear from you! We lost track of you since we all graduated from “Lawyers R Us”, and had no idea you were working for Eclectic Lemming. How’s the benefit package?

Our esteemed client, Margaret, came by the office yesterday and we went over your response together. Margaret is not happy. In fact, we find we now have to add to our original estimate 3,426 Lemmings for “breakage” due to a small whirlwind that whipped through the conference room during yesterdays meeting. It is very infrequently that we have seen anyone quite that angry.

We stand on our original contention that use of the "trade mark" "MargaretMask" in your advertising constitutes illegal use of intellectual property without recompense. In the absence of a contract or release by which our client authorizes said use, we must press forward with what you have deigned to call a “frivolous” suit. We will not be side-tracked from the issue by the introduction of pointless facts. We find it immaterial that the product referred to does not seem to exist. Our suit is not based on the product, but the use of intellectual property; to whit, the names “Margaret” and “MargaretMask”. As we pointed out in our previous correspondence, it is customary that something of value be exchanged when one uses something of value that belongs to someone else. Somehow, this detail seems to have been overlooked.

We would appreciate it if the “deposit” of several trillion (plus 3,426) Lemmings we mentioned in our previous letter could take place as soon as possible. Our 33% is calling to us.

Off the topic, we find we have a mild interest in ELC's offer to develop a product called the MargaretMask which your R&D people have assured you would fill the same product niche as the “non-existent product” in your advertisement. The numbers “50” and “50” keep popping up in conversation regarding this idea.

As for suing your pants off, would they go with a green tweed sports jacket?

Cordially,

Huey and Louis,
of Dewey, Cheetum, and Howe.

Le LIBRE

Rumours

At the half point in the 3rd match day

Well, Les Bleus have played marvellous in this final match day against Oddslavo. Currently Les Bleus are up 1 – 0, hoping to go put a finishing on everything in this second half.

Les us switch to the superstitions of Joseuf, first shaving his head bald and then visiting the holy shrine of Margaret. What does all this mean? We tried to contact Joseuf, but he said he would not be available for comments during this world cup, and only after Les Bleus have been eliminated would he talk.

It is suspected though that the mysterious Margaret is getting involved in Joseuf’s head. No matter if it is superstition or not Les Bleus have won 2 in a row and are expecting to finish off group play in the WC with a third victory. It is being rumoured that if Les Bleus finish on top of this group, they could meet up against AudioSlavia in the next round.

One can only speculate, until this match day has finished.

More to come from the Commoners news source.

To: Huey and Louie, "Dewey, Cheatem, and Howe"
From: Mort Spignatz, Eclectic Lemming Corporation staff attorney
Subject: Margaret "intellectual"?! Hah!
Date: May 24, 200-

Dear Messrs. Huey and Louie,

First off, I didn't realize you were that Huey and Louie. Houis and Louis Ducke, that is, who I knew back at LRU. When I told the gang down at Shanley O'Shanley's, they all got a big kick out of it. You remember Ozzie Bates? He got a job with the city (Lemco City, that is), as staff attorney for the Incinerator Authority. What a loser! He spends all his time trying to quash lawsuits when people get cancer from breathing the air down there. He hasn't won one yet. Oh, and you remember "Stinky Joe" Blosbert? He got a job out on Goofball Island, and he stinks worse than ever.

Anyway, about the matter at hand. I read my client your client's response to our response to your lawsuit, and it couldn't stop laughing. It was rolling on the floor. The Eclectic Lemming Corporation thinks it's absolutely hilarious that "Margaret" considers herself an intellectual. We're looking to have the case thrown out on the grounds that if she's that crazy, she can't possibly have a leg to stand on. So we suggest checking to see if she has legs, because she might not.

Furthermore, we fail to see how a reference to a non-existent product which is based-- theoretically-- on the likeness of your client could possibly be construed as infringement on her intellectual rights (assuming that the courts even rule that she is intellectual). Our advertisement could spend all day doing nothing but inventing Margaret-related products, and it still wouldn't be a violation of her "rights" (intellectual or otherwise)-- so long as those products are not invented and marketed by ELC without your client's permission, which we readily avow would be a violation of her right to earn moolah off her persona.

So as far as your tort goes, we'll just continue to giggle to ourselves while you try and find a judge who's senile enough to let the thing go to trial. Just keep in mind that-- seeing as your client will never get a lemming out of my client-- you're doing pro bono work there, guys.

Regarding the matter of developing a product, tentatively called the "MargaretMask," in conjunction with the Snub Nosian Bureau of Alcohol, Tobacco, Band-Aids, and Petulance, my client's R&D team says if we can hammer out a contract, they'll give it the green light. A 50/50 split on the profits sounds fine, so long as your ministry is prepared to foot half the R&D bill. By the way, the R&D guys told me to tell you that any "MargaretMask"-type product they develop will be 100% ritual-approved. Whatever that means. So if you think that sounds good, just give me a ring.

Finally, as regards the question of our pants: we wear grey flannels. However, as you will learn if and when we moon you, we do not wear underpants.

Good day (and nice hearing from you again),

Mort

.... and xxxxxkkkkkkooooorraaaaa, that is the equalizer, 1 minute before the end of the match. The match ended 1:1 after a free kick of Gustav Mahler in the 20th minute and this desperate attack of the Orange-Blues and the goal scored by Idine Takil. Rejistania is at 5 points, with a GD of 1, Dennisov is at 5 points with a GD of 1 and nothing is known about the Lemmitania-The Eagles Nest match (because it didn't take place till now), but if the Eagles lose, Lemmitania will also have 5 points and a GD of 1. The Orange-Blues have the slight advantage of a higher number of goals scored, but that is only over Dennisov. It seems that the Orange-Blues are in the second round, but no one knows currently if they are first or second in their group. No one? Well, Sijij Kansu wanted to bet that the Orange-Blues are first, but even he didn't risk such a high amount of lil'kansu'ny as he used to. Maybe it's just because he grew older and more sensible. But the mood in the team was tense. Everyone was anxious to hear the results of the other game. Too bad they have to waitfor quite a long time...

*2 fans are sitting by a radio*

1: DANG IT, why won't this radio work?

2: Solar Flare I think

1: We get a lot of those for some reason. You sure the government isn't blocking the transmission?

2: Nah, that would never happen

1: But I want to hear the game

2: Well, so do I, but you know, it really doesn't matter...we're already out.

1: But if we win, Lemmitania is out.

2: True. or tie as well I think. Don't quote me on that.

1: *shakes radio* WORK DANG YOU *shakes to hard, loses grip and radio goes flying and lands into a small pile of plastic and metal bits*

2: It's not going to work now.

1: SHUT UP......I didn't want to hear it anyway.

Have match day 3 scores been sent? I haven't received it yet.

WORLD CUP XIV - MATCHDAY 2
repeat performance?

[code:1:a59a6a1dd9]GROUP A Amalgamated Stadium, Oglethorpia
P W D L GF GA GD Pts
Eauz 2 2 0 0 4 1 3 6
Oddslavo 2 1 0 1 2 2 0 3
Svecia 2 1 0 1 3 4 -1 3
Total n Utter Insanity 2 0 0 2 0 2 -2 0

GROUP B Bureaucratized Stadium, Oglethorpia
P W D L GF GA GD Pts
Ravenspire 2 1 1 0 3 1 2 4
Snub Nose 38 2 1 0 1 3 2 1 3
Runaway Moose 2 1 0 1 2 3 -1 3
Commerce Heights 2 0 1 1 1 3 -2 1

GROUP C Bennar Salesde Stadium, Kingsford
P W D L GF GA GD Pts
Cockbill Street 2 2 0 0 4 2 2 6
Europa Brittania 2 0 2 0 1 1 0 2
One Red Dot 2 0 1 1 2 3 -1 1
Spaam 2 0 1 1 1 2 -1 1

GROUP D Stadium by the Sea, Kingsford
P W D L GF GA GD Pts
Tanah Burung 2 2 0 0 5 2 3 6
Iansisle 2 1 1 0 4 2 2 4
Lovebug 2 0 1 1 2 3 -1 1
The Lowland Clans 2 0 0 2 2 6 -4 0

GROUP E TriNational Stadium, Kingsford
P W D L GF GA GD Pts
Brazillico 2 2 0 0 4 0 4 6
Kaze Progressa 2 1 0 1 1 1 0 3
Audioslavia 2 1 0 1 2 3 -1 3
Kerla 2 0 0 2 0 3 -3 0

GROUP F Estadio del Reycastillo, Kingsford
P W D L GF GA GD Pts
Rejistania 2 1 1 0 2 1 1 4
Dennisov 2 1 1 0 1 0 1 4
Lemmitania 2 0 2 0 1 1 0 2
The Eagles Nest 2 0 0 2 0 2 -2 0

GROUP G Consolidated Stadium, Oglethorpia
P W D L GF GA GD Pts
Kingsford 2 2 0 0 4 1 3 6
Halfassedstates 2 0 2 0 1 1 0 2
Liverpool England 2 0 1 1 2 3 -1 1
Gesamskunstwerk 2 0 1 1 0 2 -2 1

GROUP H Eudis Bryan Park, Kingsford
P W D L GF GA GD Pts
Oglethorpia 2 1 1 0 3 1 2 4
Bedistan 2 0 2 0 1 1 0 2
Giant Zucchini 2 0 2 0 1 1 0 2
Dance2Revolution 2 0 1 1 1 3 -2 1[/code:1:a59a6a1dd9]

Well, the Minister of Statistics, Other Totally Useless Information, and Band Aids had the printer all lined up and paid for for matchday three results. Yet - strangly - no results. So, since the publisher would not refund the printing fee, the Minister insisted that he print something. As a result, matchday 2 tables were re-distributed.

Albert Onestone, Chief Academician of the Snub Nose 38 Academy of Science, has the entire Academy staff engaged in determining if Oglethorpia and Kingsford have become somehow entwined in a "loop" effect generated by Oglethorpian Time Travel Technology. Perhaps somewhere in a parallel (or perpendicular) universe the matches are progressing.

The Minister of Super Secret Sleuthery is super-secretly sleuthing about. As usual, no one knows exactly where he is or exactly what he's doing. All we know for sure is he keeps cashing his paychecks.

And over at Dewey, Cheetum, and Howe they're completely oblivous to the "missing matchday", as they are engaged in crafting a response to Mr. Mort Spignatz of the Eclectic Lemming Corporation relevant to the frivolous...er...crucial lawsuit on the issue of intellectual property and pants.

Dewey, Cheetum, and Howe
Barristers - Attorneys at Law
And Lawn Maintenance

Mort Spignatz,
Eclectic Lemming Corporation staff attorney
Lemmington, Lemmitania

Mr. Spignatz:

Great to hear about the old gang! “Lefty” Mountbatten (remember that unfortunate incident with the souped-up electric mixer?) is over at the Ministry of Justice and Real Estate, as a public defender and probate attorney. Remember his favorite “court-room stance”, leaning on the rail in front of the jury box? He keeps forgetting why we call him “Lefty”. There’s a big dent in the hardwood floor in city court that bears a remarkable resemblance to “Lefty’s” face. Poor old Danny “the Dunce” Dougan – he never did pass the Bar – works in ladies underwear. Hawking fish over on Market Street, wearing ladies underwear. And “Spaghetti Legs” Spignatz…oh, yeah…that’s you.

To the business at hand – Mort, we believe you’ve misunderstood our point. It’s not that Margaret is “an intellectual” per se, but rather that, due to her reputation (however you choose to view that), her name is intellectual property. In the broad view, that is. Maybe we should say “in the larger perspective” – who knows what you’ll make of “broad view”.

We have an interesting mental picture of Eclectic Lemming Corporation rolling around of the floor, doubled over with laughter. Please don’t ever elaborate on that – we don’t want anything to spoil that image.

Regarding the question of whether or not Margaret is in the possession of legs – we broached the subject, and Huey even attempted to do a personal assessment. He never got farther than his hand being about 2 centimeters from the hem of her burgundy robe. He would appreciate visitors – you can find him in the Intensive Stupidity Ward over at Saint Swithens. We have been assured by Margaret (after coming to – she packs quite a punch) that although she does have legs (two of ‘em, she says), it’s none of our business, yours, or ELC’s. She invites a small representative group of ELC Management to come over and ask for themselves – say’s she’s reserved a couple more rooms over to Saint Swithens for the occasion.

Now, it isn’t the various “products” your client may, or may not, have developed, or is in the process of developing, or is in the process of thinking of perhaps considering the development of, that is at question. Rather, it is the use of Margaret’s name, whither so what some ever for, (What? No, don’t put that in. Leave that out. Those aren’t even words) for what ever purpose, without a written release – for which, of course, some form of remuneration would be expected.

Say – a couple trillion Lemmings in unmarked bills in a brown paper…we refer you to our first letter. Plus the damages mentioned in our second letter. Plus 145,600 Lemmings to cover Huey’s hospital stay.

We have received the “Green Light” on the R&D of the tentatively named the "MargaretMask." Please have the ELC R&D team forward a draft contract (50/50 split on the profits 50/50 on the R&D bill). Margaret says to tell the R&D guys “Thanks” regarding their statement that any "MargaretMask"-type product they develop will be 100% ritual-approved. We have no clue what that means, but she’s the client.

As to your comment on the pants issue, “However, as you will learn if and when we moon you, we do not wear underpants.” – Too much information. We are shipping, under separate cover, two dozen assorted underpants for you to try. Please – for all our sakes – consider using them on a regular basis.

Your Old Bud

Louis
(Huey still in coma and unavailable for signature)
Dewey, Cheetum, and Howe

To: Louis Ducke, attorney, “Dewey, Cheatem, and Howe”
From: Morton Spignatz, Eclectic Lemming Corporation staff attorney
Date: May 25, 200-
Subject: What’s in a name?

I’m certainly sorry to hear about the unfortunate accident involving Huey’s face. I hope he recovers quickly so that he can go on trying, unsuccessfully, to build a case against my client.

Louie, Louie, Louie. I don’t even know where to begin with this one. Your client is claiming that my client stole her intellectual property by referring to a non-existent product that (if it existed) would share part of her name? That’s crazy. We recommend that you check again for legs under her, because she’s clearly not standing on them. Maybe she just floats on the air. Or perhaps she swims everyplace. Does she live in a special fishtank?

What makes your client think that the “MargaretMask” is connected to her? There are (at last count) 186,242 people named “Margaret” in the world. Even if the “MargaretMask” was a real product—and even if, being a real product, it resembled the real likeness of some individual—who’s to say that individual would be your client? Considering that the “MargaretMask” doesn’t exist, we’ll just never know, will we? But my client is willing to lay a billion lemmings on the 1 in 186,242 odds of that Margaret being your Margaret.

To put it another way—within the context of the Electric Ritualizer advertisement, there is no evidence that the “MargaretMask,” if it existed, would be a mask of your client. None once in the ad is she actually referred to, or are any activities associated with her depicted. Or, to put it yet another way—I hope that Huey has some good insurance, ‘cause he’s sure not sollecting his hospital fees from my client.

On to other business. I’ve faxed over a contract on behalf of the ELC R&D guys. They say that as soon as you sign it, they want to catch a flight over there, so as to make wax and plaster molds of Margaret’s face. Evidently they need that.

Finally, as regards the underpants: I don’t know how, or why, you crazy foreigners put up with the damn things. In Lemmitania, we like to run free. I did, however, find that the elastic waistbands are great for keeping them in place when you put them on your head.

My sympathy to Huey,

Mort

Dewey, Cheetum, and Howe
Barristers - Attorneys at Law
And Lawn Maintenance

Mort Spignatz,
Eclectic Lemming Corporation staff attorney
Lemmington, Lemmitania

Dear Mort:

Well, well, well! Quite a flurry of developments here!

Huey was released from Saint Swithens. He should be off the crutches in three weeks, and the plastic surgery looks pretty good - we'll know better when the swelling goes down.

The boys over at Justice and Real Estate reviewed the proposed contract, and found it fair and equitable. What a hoot! A "fair and equitable" contract. Wasn't there an entire lecture in old man Finster's Contract Law class to the effect that the statement "a fair and equitable contract" is a contradiction in terms?

What ever - the thing's been signed, and apparently your clients and our client are now in business together. Margaret, it seems, has a room full of plaster casts of, among other things, her face - and provided several samples to the R&D boys from ELC. We found the bunch of them over in The Dragon and The Dragonfly carrying on together like old school chums. Turns out they are - two of the R&D guys were at Alkali Alchemy and Tech with Margaret years ago. None of them will say how many years ago, but they hinted that the ball point pen was not in use at the time.

We have been directed by our client to drop the lawsuit in re intellectual property, Margaret, and MargaretMask. We did so. It made a squishy sound when it hit the floor.

Keep in touch. Say, if you're representing ELC in this deal, we're still representing Margaret - we think - so, maybe we'll hear from you sooner than we think.

Finally, Mort, about the underwear. Try the other end.

Your Pals

Louis and Huey
Dewey, Cheetum, and Howe

Once upon a time, the World Cup was about the football....

Once upon a time, the World Cup was about the football....

OOC - What's not to like? That legal standoff was probably one of the best RPs the WC ever saw. It was a great read to help pass the time waiting for belated MD3 results. Cheers Snub and Lemmy.

Once upon a time, the World Cup was about the football....Football? What's football? :wink:

Once upon a time, the World Cup was about the football....

Was it? Damn! So that's where we've been going wrong all this time...

Once upon a time, the World Cup was about the football....

OOC - What's not to like? That legal standoff was probably one of the best RPs the WC ever saw. It was a great read to help pass the time waiting for belated MD3 results. Cheers Snub and Lemmy.

I have to agree here. Kudos to Snub and Lemmy, and here's hoping this isn't WC6 all over again... :?

Gesamtkuntswerk Sturms opens restaurant franchise

Remaining true to the spirit of Gesamtkuntswerk, the Sturms today have opted to start their own international restaurant franchise in an attempt to capitalize on all the fans and teams eagerly awaiting the third and final group match of World Cup XIV. The franchise has opened fourteen branches in both host nations, offering a wide variety of quick and inexpensive meals to any hungry soul. On the Speed Menu, the Blitzkrieg Burger seems to be the most popular, offering two slabs of beef with cheese, tomatoes, lettuce, mayonnaise, honey mustard, and "Sturm Sauce," with a side of fries or onion rings and a large cola. For the vegetarians out there, Sturms offers a freshly-made salad, with carrots, baby tomatoes, croutons, grated cheese, and your choice of several salad dressings. Eat up, fans, becaues when this next game begins, you're going to be glad you won't need to miss a second to get food, because Sturms is the #1 newly opened franchise of the Fourteenth World Cup, guaranteed to satisfy your pallette.

ooc: kingsford was experiencing a power outage. all is now right with the world.

New from the Eclectic Lemming Corporation and the Snub Nose 38 Ministry of Alcohol, Tobacco, Band-Aids and Pugilism…

A product so incredible, it is 100% guaranteed to function properly without injuring you, or your money will be promptly returned*…

Introducing (drum roll please)…

The MargaretMask™

Voiceover: Has this ever happened to you?

Whiny man: Aw, crap! My team lost again!

Voiceover: Well, it doesn’t have to.

Whiny man: It doesn’t?

Voiceover: Listen, bub. Losing is for losers. You don’t have to be a loser, you know.

Whiny man: I don’t wanna be a loser!

Voiceover: Then you have to start doing what the winners do!

Whiny man: I do what the whiners do!

Voiceover: Not the whiners, the winners!

Whiny man: What’s a “winner?”

Voiceover: It’s what you’re not, little man. A winner doesn’t get sand kicked in his face. A winner doesn’t screw things up all the time. And a winner doesn’t lose his life’s savings on an uninsured bet.

Enthusiastic woman: Uninsured bet? What’s an uninsured bet?

Voiceover: I’m glad you asked that. An uninsured bet is a bet on a team that hasn’t been properly supplicated for to the Random Number Gods.

Whiny man: But I supplicate!

Voiceover: Not properly.

Whiny man: What am I doing wrong?

Voiceover: Whining, for one thing.

Enthusiastic woman: Gee, I’d like to supplicate properly. If only I knew how!

Voiceover: It’s easy. All you need to supplicate properly is have a proper chicken, and be Margaret™.

Enthusiastic woman: Well, I have a chicken I deboned using a Ritualized ChicA-Live Electric Chicken Deboner from Eclectic Lemming Corporation. But I don’t think I can be Margaret.

Voiceover: Sure you can! All you need is a…

Enthusiastic woman: A what?

Voiceover: I’m pausing to build dramatic tension.

Whiny man: Tell us already!

Voiceover: A MargaretMask™!

Enthusiastic woman: Gee whiz!

Whiny man: Huh.

Enthusiastic woman: But that looks complicated! How do I operate it?

Voiceover: Just put it over your face…

Enthusiastic woman: Hey, look! I look just like Margaret now!

Voiceover: and plug it in.

Enthusiastic woman: Into the electric socket?

Voiceover: That’s right.

Enthusiastic woman: Is it safe to use in the bathtub?

Voiceover: Absolutely!**

Whiny man: Can I try it?

Voiceover: Absolutely!***

Enthusiastic woman: Wow! I’ll bet my team will never lose again!

Voiceover: That’s a bet I won’t cover! The Margaretmask™… try one today. Deluxe edition now available with breathing holes.

*For return of money, please apply in person to: Refund department, c/o Octavarion Maleficus, 10 Lemming Place, Lemmitania. Refunds requested through the post will not be honored.

**Product is safe to use in dry bathtub only. Do not expose to liquids, even when unplugged. Facial maiming caused by allowing product to come into contact with liquids while being worn is not covered under warranty.

***Product should not be used by males.
by males.[/size]

Once upon a time, the World Cup was about the football....

The old man who posted this has been taken out and shot. Our apologies.

(OOC – Apologies for the lack of detail in these predictions, as I haven’t been following the World Cup as closely as I would’ve liked. Predictions will become more in-depth as the Cup progresses.)

Second Round Predictions

By Huberto “Formerly known as the Gambling Wonder Child, now known as the Gambling Wonder Man, soon to be known as the Gambling Wonder Senior Citizen” Verte

The first stage has come and gone and now we look forward to the fun part of it all, the knockout round. We’ve seen many surprises so far, with only three of the World’s top 10 making it out of the first round. We’re prone to see many more surprises, as the bottom half of the draw is rather weak and one of the lower ranked teams will be sure to seize the opportunity, make a name for them and earn a spot in the finals. Let’s not get ahead of ourselves however, and take a look at how the second round is shaping up.

Our first match, and perhaps the most intriguing, we have defending champions Eauz squaring off against perennial powerhouses Audioslavia. We got 1st versus 6th here, baby, and this match should live up to the hype. Audioslavia are notorious for cranking out high scoring elimination games, and you can take the plus on the 3.5 over/under to the bank. Both teams have looked a bit shaky during their runs through qualifying and you can be sure both teams aren’t happy about facing each other this early in the tournament. Eauz haven’t been tested yet this World Cup and that may leave them vulnerable.

Prediction: Eauz 2 – Audioslavia 3

In our next match we have perennial disappointments Oglethorpia facing off against perennial World Cup spectators, Iansisle. Although losing early in the knockout stages has become something of a tradition in Oglethorpia, they do have experience when it comes to these big games, while Iansisle are venturing into unknown territory. If experience doesn’t do Iansisle in, expect the boisterous crowd at Amalgamated Stadium to dig their grave.

Prediction: Oglethorpia 2 – Iansisle 0

The Snub Nose 38 versus Dennisov encounter should be an interesting one, as two teams we likely didn’t expect to reach it this far face off in the second round. The Hooligans are coming off two consecutive impressive qualifying runs and a great win in Group C. Meanwhile, the Dennish appear to be stagnating, playing relatively uninspired ball, yet enjoy some small successes. This World Cup could be a coming out party for the Hooligans.

Prediction: Snub Nose 38 2 – Dennisov 1

On paper, Rejistania against Runaway Moose looks like a blowout. Alces Rex appears to have a knack for quietly finding ways to squeak through groups and advance, while the Orange-Blues are a team which everyone takes notice of. Runaway Moose have been something of a fairy tale team to make it this far, but the clock will strike 12 as the final whistle blows.

Prediction: Rejistania 3 – Runaway Moose 1

Brazillico and TnUI have faced each other many times before, and unfortunately, no one would dare call any of those matches entertaining. The two storied nations have faced each other three times prior, with all matches finishing 1-0. Their first encounter in World Cup 5 marked the decline of the Insanicians, as Brazillico used that victory to propel themselves towards consecutive World Cups. I hate to draw comparisons, but this match has the same feel of that one 40 years ago.

Prediction: Brazillico 1 – Total n Utter Insanity 0

Tanah Burung and Dance2Revolution are two teams looking to use this second round match-up as a springboard for future successes. The more seasoned side is no doubt Tanah Burung, but Dance2Revolution proved they belong with the big boys as they shockingly upset Bedistan to book themselves a spot in the second round. Tanah Burung will definitely have the crowd on their side, as the match will be played in neighbouring Oglethropia or almost neighbouring Kingsford, so I’ll give the edge to the Crocs, although don’t be surprised if this one goes to extra time.

Prediction: Tanah Burung 1 – Dance2Revolution 0

One Red Dot against Kingsford probably wouldn’t have generated much buzz at all except for the host nation is playing in this one. Two teams without much of a history and two teams who have a hard time doing much besides being great in the group stages. This should be a closely contested match, and I’d expect the home side to have the narrow edge in this one, although it may take them a bit more than 90 minutes.

Prediction: Kingsford 2 – One Red Dot 1

Cockbill Street and Liverpool England is a very tough one to gauge, since Liverpool England has limped into the second round. I get the feeling that we still have seen the best of the Liverpudlian Englishmen, while the Street are definitely playing to their full potential, championing an extremely difficult group. Common knowledge would dictate an easy Cockbill Street victory, yet I have the feeling Liverpool England may have a few cards up their sleeves.

Prediction: Cockbill Street 0 – Liverpool England 1

Philosophers Slip Through; draw Cockbill Street

The Philosophers of Liverpool England managed to slip past Gesamtkuntswerk and Halfassedstates on goal difference today to qualify for the second round. With a Philosophers-Sturms 1-1 draw, Liverpool England knew they would make it in if Kingsford managed to beat Halfassedstates by a margin of two or more goals - Kingsford won 3-1 - something which in his wildest dreams coach Guy Picciotto could hae never ever dreamt of, taking only 2 points out of 9 in the group stage and qualifying.

In an interview after the Sturms match with LEINN, Picciotto was heard saying, with his deep Oglethorpian accent, about how 'I do not believe they [Liverpool England] made it through. Well, We've got a dedicated buncha lads willing t'run around chasing a ball for an hour an' a half, on a pitch, and that's what matters.' When asked to comment on the round of 16 draw, Picciotto said, "Cockbill Street? They topped their group, didnt they? They're bound to be a tough test. But my lads are up to it."

Prediction: Cockbill Street to edge out Liverpool England after extra time.

great - wait for ages to find out whats going on - no TG's nothing - check the rp thread to see whats happening - and find out that we're out. Pish! :(


IC:
Halfassed head home - apparently!

Reports of the delay to the final round of group matches has been well documented over the past few days, but to-day a more worrying report was noticed by one of our reporters.
A rival paper has claimed that the Halfassed side crashed 3-1 to hosts Kingsford in the final game, a result that would see the Hurricanes sent home. The problem with the claim seems to be that the Hurricane players and management claim not to have even played the Kingsforders. "We played a bounce game in training a couple of days ago, but that was just a kick around to keep the guys in shape while we awaited confirmation of when the game would be played!" said an astonished Coach Piper when told of the news. "Someone better be looking into this one, its a disgrace."
Reports of a gang of 11 local kids running around in the green Hurricane shirts claiming to have played against Kingford yesterday are being looked into.

Scuttlebutt - Morning Edition

Quoth the Raven, "Nevermore"
Bureaucratized Stadium, Oglethorpia Mike Easter - aspn wire

This reporter doesn't really have an article - just an interesting headline. What with these Hooligans carrying on so, one can't hear oneself think. The unfortunate own goal by Ravenspire sent them packing, and set up the Hooligans for a place in the second round of World Cup XIV. But from the racket you'd think these guys actually earned the win. I'll tell you what, the run of play favored Ravenspire all day. But when the Hooligan Cheerleaders all put on MargaretMask and started screaming "Nevermore!" from the sidelines - well, that was the 73rd minute, and the own goal came in the 74th minute, and that was all she wrote.

Dennisov will not go gently into that good night. Rumor has it that the Dennisovian Equipment Manager was seen in a local hardware store buying up thousands of MargaretMasks shortly after the Ravenspire - Snub Nose 38 match.

Predictions? We don't do predictions. But someone who identified herself only as "Margaret" says it'll be Hooligans 1 - Dennisov 1 at full time, with the Hooligans taking it in the added period.

*we find ourselves in the newly opened sturms restaurant just a block and a half from bureaucratized stadium. we're enjoying one of their fresh salads with a light balsamic vinegrette dressing. talk about tasty! sharing our booth is the minister of athletics, olympics, and alcoholic beverages (he's having a blitzkrieg burger, with everything), the minister of super secret sleuthery (we can't quite make out what jack cass is having), and margaret - she's having the chicken cordon bleu.*

- Of course, for every two customers, one will be dissatisfied.
- How so, Margaret?
- Think about it, Jack. Two guys go out and each buy a MargaretMask...
- According to the fine print, it better be two gals.
- Yeah, yeah...don't know why, but it just...with guys...I'd rather not talk about it.
- Fine. But why will every other customer...
- Right. Because when these two gals go home, don their official MargaretMask, and sacrificially supplicate the random number gods...
- I see it now, Margaret. One is sacrificing for team "A", the other is supplicating for team "B", and team "A" and team "B" are playing each other, so...
- Hey, Jack. Only one of 'em can win. Won't one of those gals be disappointed?
- He caught up quicker than usual this time, Margaret. Have you been giving him shots or something?
- No...just the usual threats, Jack.
- So, what are you gonna do about it? I mean, if every second customer is dissatisfied each time a match is played, pretty soon you'll have nothing but dissatisfied customers.
- Not so.
- Why not?
- I'll also have a very large pile of money.
- Ah...of course.
- Caveat emptor, Jack. Caveat emptor.
- Huh?
- Didn't you enroll him in a Latin class, Margaret?
- Yes, but he never went. Just ate the "scratch and sniff" book cover - it means "Let the buyer beware" pea-brain.
- Let the buyer be what?
- Just forget it. It's over your head.

*the minister of athletics, olympics, and alcoholic beverages looks up. margaret makes a fist.*

- Don't hit him, Margaret. It won't do any good, and you might hurt your hand.
- Ah...
- There's nothing up there, Margaret.
- No, there's...hey...that beer you're swilling. It's not a "38 Special".
- No, it's this new stuff from Tanah Burung - Stout Lout.
- Well, why in the...is it better'n 38 Special?
- No.
- Then why...?
- They paid me a ton of money to do this product placement ad.

*we wonder briefly if there is any way we could get some of this apparent river of money to flow our way, and then turn our attention back to our sturm salad.*

Strike Birds Go Home

Wow. 3 games. no goals. Well, it does hurt when your ENTIRE offensive side is out with food poisoning. The birds go home very dejected after what appeared to be a year of destiny, the Birds fly away home in a jet sent personally by President Ashallond to get his team home. Apparently the Eagle's Nest FA is pursuing an investigation on who exactly took the bid for a non-domestic plane flight to Oglethorpia. Someone's head will roll.


#2:uh oh

#1: What is it?

#2: this line here....about heads will roll.

#1: Yeah.

#2: I think I may need witness protection.

#1: ..............What did you do?

#2: Um, nothing. hey, tell everyone that I love them, and I thought it was fun to play this year...even though I didn't play very much.

#1: What did you do...are you involved in this?

#2: Oh, the corporate takeover fell through, but our key objective was acheived. The information we gain....err you gain *sniff* should help the team for next year.

#1: DAMN IT GERTRUDE....what did you do?

#2: What did you call me?

#1: You were once called Gertrude weren't you?

#2: Gertrude...yes, my name.....was Gertrude.

#1: Ashallond said you were one of the River Folk...

#2: DANG IT...I am not Gollum.

#1: oh sorry. but you hired that plane didn't you.

#2: Well, anyway, got to go. Hope you can find a new #2. (tries to leave but the door is locked)

#1: You're not going anywhere. And Guido and you are going to have a little talk.....

#2: Gulp.


#2 is never heard from again. #1....who is this mysterious character? What is his goal? Why his interest in the World Cup? Will TEN Commies win the WCXV bid? Will I stop asking these silly questions? Hey, wait a minute....who added that into the script....

"You're still on air"

Oh, Well, find out the answers to these and more in the next installment of the World Cup....WCXV, from who knows where.

The Bedistan Sports Digest

Lewis Sacked by BFA
Lions' WC14 performance 'disgraceful', says president

AMISSVILLE (BAP) -- Immediately following the Bedistan Lions' 1-0 loss to Dance 2 Revolution on the final matchday of World Cup 14's first round, team manager Johnny Lewis received a call on his cellphone informing him of his termination of employment.

The Lions, ranked officially as the third-best team in the world and ranked #2 according to BediStat polls behind Eauz, were almost universally expected to at least reach the semifinals, just like last time. In the first round, they started out with a draw with Oglethorpia, which was expected, followed by a slightly-worse-than-hoped draw with Giant Zucchini. A loss to #32 Dance 2 Revolution, however, was "inexcusable", to quote BFA president Javier McGuire.

"The team's performance this time around has been nothing short of disgraceful," commented McGuire. "Sure, we had possibly our best qualifying run ever, but if you can't get the job done when it counts, that means nothing. Lewis' time is done."

Bedistan, however, is not the only nation in such woes. Out of the top ten footballing nations in the world, only three made it through the first round -- #1 Eauz, #4 Rejistania, and #6 Audioslavia. This has brought into question the quality of the refereeing in Kingsford and Oglethorpia, and it is reported that the BFA plans to launch a full investigation into the matter.

In other news, based on first-round results, BediStat has picked #60 Runaway Moose to be the team most likely to take home the World Cup this year.

KamiKaze
Audioslavia knock KP's self-destruct button

An abysmal, overly-defensive Audioslavian side were held by Kaze Progressa for eighty-five minutes, until a suicidal pass-back by Hytaffi let in Jonny Willow to put the 'slaves into the second round.

The match was drab. Audioslavia's new 4-5-1 formation blatantly didnt work and Kaze Progressa were not troubled by Audioslavia's one-man strike force. Were it not for the break-through, Audioslavia would almost certainly be on the last plane home.

In Round 2, Audioslavia will play the reigning champions Eauz. In their current form, the 'slaves must be considered second-favourites behind the champions, but some rickety form in recent games by les bleus means anything could happen.

Brazillicans think Eauz will lost to Audioslavia, but they also thought that Brazillico would lose to Audioslavia, and the Chilli-bats ended up raping us 3-0.

I've been Jeremy Jaffacake, g'nite bitches

The first half ended pretty dull with a nil-nil scoreline, it wasn’t until the second half when things got interesting. Canon sloppily challenged Belless in the Insanician half. Invoking the centuries old law of honour, Belless challenged Canon to a duel. The pair stood back to back as everyone watched. 10 paces later, Canon had already fired and missed, leaving Belless with an open shot. As Canon ran away Belless shot him in the butt. Two of his team mates helped him to the hospital, during which time TnUI scored 3 goals, giving the Insanicians long overdue revenge for WC5.

Le LIBRE

Strike to the Heart

The Anti-Eauz party in this cup was given another blow in the second round of the world cup. Propaganda proposed by powerhouse Brazillico who had a desire to see the faith in Eauz fall, as they predicted a 2 – 3 loss for Les Bleus in the first round. How could they, without hatred for Les Bleus predict such an immoral loss by the defending champions? The match pitted the number 1 ranked Eauz against the number 6 ranked Audioslavia. This match was expected to be one of the best of the world cup. The two high ranked teams though were not happy with meeting up with each other so early in the cup. Joseuf commented saying: “This is ridiculous that very high ranked teams are already meeting up with each other. But I guess if one is to advance they need to prove themselves early. This will be a good way to get our moral up and a good challenge for future matches.”

With all the odds against Les Bleus and the idea of the curse of first on their team the captain of Les Bleus Joseuf, used all this to raise the moral of the team and get them ready for the match. Supporters of the spectrum Eauz could be seen everywhere in the stadium, as the support spread more and more. The moral of Les Bleus was very high coming out onto the field. The high moral turned quickly into an early offence by Les Bleus forcing the Audioslavia defence to act quickly. Rousseu put a shot on net, only to be deflected to the side. The ball was picked up by mid-fielder Ribocheau who found Figeu open who put the ball past the keeper during the 18th minute of play. This early goal raised the moral of the team to an even higher level. Figeu ran around the field and jumped up into the air pumping his fist. Then he yelled out, “ON VA GAGNER” in front of the crowd. This goal kept Les Bleus on the offence, placing more pressure on the Audioslavia team. This time, Joseuf got a hold of the ball, only to be stopped by the Audioslavia defence. In the first half, Yeuseuv was not tested, as Audioslavia only achieved 4 shots on goal. Les Bleus defence was once again at its top performance just in time for the world cup run. People were worried that the defence would not show up again, such as it did in the last world cup. The first half ended with an aggressive kick by Yeuseuv into the Audioslavia zone, as he pointed his finger shaking it at the captain of Audioslavia.

This act of aggression against Audioslavia angered the captain and woke a sleeping giant in the second half. With early control of the ball in the second half, the Audioslavia offence came on quickly, with a long shot going over the top of the net as Yeuseuv jumped for it. A few minutes later, a corner kick for Audioslavia was on target. For some reason though, the Audioslavia captain pushed Joseuf to the ground. Joseuf was not injured or hurt, and the referee flashed the red card for the Audioslavia captain. Once again Yeuseuv pointed his finger at the Aslavia captain yelling “Va te faire foutre connard!” We will leave that un-translated. The Eauz defence held up for the other attacks by Audioslavia, as Les Bleus finished off the match on an aggressive movement in the AS zone. The match finished in a 1 – 0 victory for Les Bleus. The victory means, Les Bleus advance onto the next round. They will wait for the result of the other matches to find out who Les Bleus will play against. More information on this future match later.

Philosophers Through - Liverpool England 2 Cockbill Street 0

In the most amazing fashion, the Philosophers have come out of Group G with a lot of energy, refreshed and roaring to go. Coach Guy Picciotto's earlier words, 'Well, We've got a dedicated buncha lads willing t'run around chasing a ball for an hour an' a half, on a pitch, and that's what matters. Cockbill Street? They're bound to be a tough test. But my lads are up to it', seem to have been proven right - a fast flowing match with lots of action at either end, however none of which produced goals.

Well, no matter what, we had to see goals, even if they were from the spot, and that is exactly where the first goal came from; Kelvin Johnson tripped, Marjory City's Joseph Granigen stepped up to put the Philosophers in front. However, Picciotto was soon seen pacing nervously up anddown the touchline - and with good reason. Chris Hawkins came off two minutes later with a strained thigh - a problem which would see him miss the quarter-finals, and if the team make it through, the semi-finals.

Hawkins' replacement Dominic Dirosa killed off the match with a sccissor-kick with seven miunutes to go.

In an IRONIC TWIST OF FATE it would be the same rule that allowed Lovebug into the 1st round of qualifying that would keep us from continuing. We we're able to join qualifying because of a larger GD than the other teams vying for the 3rd spot in our group. And as fate would have it we would end our WC14 performance on a high note yet it would not be enough to keep us playing. With a 1-0 victory over The Lowland Clans (a goal scored by the new leading scorer for the team Dingo "The Foreign Fiend" Mei) we secured a 4-4 tie in terms of points with Iansisle, it would come down to GD to see who would move on and with a 1-0 advantage over us Iansisle would effectively end any shot we had of moving on. Well, we did much better than last time, so we can be proud of that - we advanced in only our second tournament showing which is also something to be proud of. The team has headed home to spend a few days with their respective families - but then its back to the training compound to get themselves ready for WC15...we end our tournament play in 36th place (as recent poles show) in the world and that ain't too bad.

Scuttlebutt - Evening Edition

Op Ed Page - An Open Letter
Sten Anonymous

To the Footballers and Management of Dennisov:

We, the Snub Nose 38 Hooligans, Management and Players, offer our condolences on yesterdays match. It was a bit disheartening for us to find your entire side taken ill and almost unable to play. We can only imagine what it must have meant to you to get this far in WC XIV competition, to have to play us yesterday with, as it were, one hand tied behind your back. With 5 of your best so sick they couldn't even walk, and those who could take the field periodically doubling over in pain - well, it was a sorry sight.

Even so, you did manage that one fine goal on the corner kick in the 56th minute. It was evident, between bouts of...sickness...that you are a quality side, laid low by some vicious bug.

We find ourselves extremely happy to be moving forward, but rather sad to have it come in such a way. Scoring goals against defenders lying on the pitch writhing in pain - well, it just didn't seem quite sporting. So, we stopped after three. We will move on, but we will always remember the valiant effort you put in despite everything.

You know, our medical staff says the symptoms looked like food poisoning to them. Do you think it might have been the...chicken...?

A logo appears on national television screens, the logo of the TV-R program 'Esvortu sija' (sports today). The name of the show differs in the 15 official broadcasting languages, but the logo is the same: a hadgehog, slightly reminding of JuMeh, the mascot of the Orange-Blues reaching for a high ball, which is seen only blurry.

The studio is shown and we see... NO, that can't be Idine Sala...

Hejida viewers here in the studio... (the camera shows the applauding fans, most are clad in orange-blue)... hejida viewers all over the country! (the image returns to Idine Sala) Today in Esvortu sija, we have several interesting topics: Rejistania vs Runaway Moose in the round of 16 of the world cup is the most interesting topic today, as I see, most of you are waiting for it. For the others, who are not interested in soccer (more quiet) if they exist (in normal voice) we have a report of the rejistanian handball league, where, as I can already tell you, one big surprise happened.

Now we first have a short report about the pre-match atmosphere in all places of Rejistania.
(some strange EuroDance* is heard in the background, then images appear: in Hetkali a huge amount of people are standing on the Central place where a large-size screen is showing a countdown to the match, a pub apparently in Na~ovi where a crowd cheers as Tia~e is shown in a pre-match report, a house decorated with rejistanian flags, a closed shop where the notice: 'closed until the match ends, we won't open during half-time', the music fades and the image of the studio appears, suddently we realize that it was a song of DJ Paul Elstak)
Yeah, pictures speak louder than words. We wanted to show you some pre-match comments of Runaway players but our translator was unavailable because he (Sala looks at his papers) wanted to see the match... Well, I guess we can also look at it now, please start the broadcast.

(Veni Siki comments now, the matching images are shown) the Moose had a better start in the first minutes, look at this good chance in the 9th minute, <player9>outsmarts Seda Kansu, passes to <player11>.... missed wide! This made the Orange-Blues wake up, as it seems. The team improved the play and had some beautiful chances. Here is a scene from the 18th minute, Mata Koleni in good position, <player1> can get the ball, it bounces off his hands, Milan Tia~e is there, shoots, That is the 1:0! In the 24th minute, the hetaki stroke again, just look at this images: (quick passes between Tia~e and Koleni, to Idine Takil, he shoots, he places the ball in the right upper corner, unreachable for <player1>). 2:0 for the Orange-Blues you can see them celebrate!
In the 42nd minute, it was Tia~e again who extended the Rejistanian lead even more. See how here Kansu Ji and Xeran Susu start the counter attack, Mata Koleni here outsmarts the defender <player4> and, this time he is successfull. 3:0 is the score at half time. (back to the studio)

(Idine Sala again is the anchorman) Yes, the score was 3:0 at half time, who of you would have expected that? Raise your hands.... ah, we have three people who expected that? well, I guess we can agree on the fact that it was unexpected to most of us. Even the Brazillican statisticans only predicted a 3:1. Let's look at the second half now, and let's be glad that we don't have any commercials between. Jie, I love to work for state television!

(Again Veni Siki reports)
The second half concentrated mostly on defense, the Moose attacked fiercely, but in the end, this led to the 4:0 for Rejistania. in the 70th minute, <player5> committed this unnesecary foul to Saka Syku, the referee showed the Moose the yellow card and the Orange-Bluesn were awarded a free kick, Liy Ra shoots and... that is the 4:0 for the Orange-Blues!

(the screen suddently goes blank, as we find out, the fireworks of a celebrating neighbor seriously damaged the antenna)

De Ja Eauz
Audioslavia Bow Out in Second Round. Again.

Audioslavia pitted themselves against World Champions Eauz yesterday in an attempt to boost their floundering international reputation. For the first forty-five minutes, they did themselves no favours at all.

Eauz attacked from the off. Not looking anywhere near hindered by defensive 4-5-1 formation the 'slaves favoured, Les Bleus found their way behind the back four and had countless oppotunities before a delicate Ribocheau pass found Figeu in acres of space to put Eauz into the lead with an perfect finish. Just minutes later Eauz almost struck again as Joseuf rounded Pearce but had his shot blocked by a scrambling Jordi Neeskens. Audioslavia finished the half in dissaray, as Audioslavia's fragile attack proved uneffective and Jackie Croft got into a petty scuffle with Eauz goalkeeper Yeuseuv, ending with Yeuseuv mocking the 'slavia captain as the sides entered the tunnel. Jackie looked pissed off.

As the second half began, Croft's anger and presumably Branson's Rage Against The Midfield during the half-time team-talk gave Audioslavia a new lease of life. Willow smashed a volley over the bar and a Xavier shot was blocked on the line by Figeu. It seemed that Audioslavia were seconds away from grabbing an equalizer, until Audioslavia's usually inspirtational captain renewed his feud with the Eauz goalkeeper Yeusev, pushing him out of position and blatantly pulling him down as an O`Hara corner winged its way into the box. The referee immediately reached for the red card, initially to the disbelief of the Audioslavian faithful until the video replays clearly showed Croft's impromptu wrestling move. Audioslavia went down to ten men, and never really threatened Les Bleus again. The closest they got to an attack was when substitute Jeff Jordan took exception to a Yeuseuv comment "Va te faire foutre connard" which he wrongfully translated into "Your mother was a hamster, and your father doesnt know where the train station is". Jordan was yellow carded.

FINAL SCORE
Eauz 1 (Figeu 18)
Audioslavia 0

The 'slaves have yet again failed to progress past the second round. Despite getting that far in world cups four, seven, ten, eleven, twelve, thirteen and fourteen, only once (in that flukey anti-climatic delusion of grandeur that was World Cup Twelve) have Audioslavia beaten their second round opponents. As Eauz get added to the list of Teams Which Have Continued The Second Round Jinx: Lemmitania (4-3 on pens, WC4), Errinundera (4-2 AET, WC7) Kingsford (1-0, WC10), Europa Brittania (1-0, WC11) and Spaam (2-1, WC14), Audioslavia have to go away and properly work on getting players, and a manager, that can form a true Audioslavian World Cup Winning side.

I've been Jeremy Jaffacake, g'nite bitches

Le LIBRE

Eauz vs. Oglethorpia in Quarter finals

Coming off of a victory against one strong capitaliZt country, Les Bleus will be faced off against host and uber-capitaliZt Oglethorpia who has pwnd Les Bleus with 3 victories and 1 tie. With the match brings the political differences between the two countries as people in Oglethorpia blame everything on Eauz for being communist and the opposite for the people in Eauz against Oglethorpia. This match is expected to be played more than just a match at hand, but the reputation of each nation. Les Bleus will be looking to get a win against the Oglethorpia powerhouse to break the curse. Critics of Oglethorpia’s gloating over wins have said that when Ogle won against Les Bleus, Les Bleus were not a great team at the time. Now, with Les Bleus ranked #1, this will be a more realistic match to gloat about for either side.

Meanwhile back in Eauz, citizens of Oglethorpia are getting ready for the match and hope strongly to see Les Bleus fall hard. Fans have already blocked off streets making ridiculous comments about Les Bleus and French. Police have arrested some violent fans, but for the most part these parades have been non-violent.

BediStat Update

So, the second round has finished, with both co-hosts just barely squeaking through to the quarterfinals, world champions Eauz still going strong, and the surprising Snub Nose 38 Hooligans barreling on ahead (though I suppose that's to be expected after the Melmondian prediction that they'd take home the Cup...it's starting to really freak us out). How does your favorite team stack up with all this jostling about? Well, that's what we're here to tell you, because after all it is our job.

The BediStat Top Ten (not official, though they are in fact updated KPB rankings)
1. Eauz (+-)
2. Rejistania (+1)
3. Tanah Burung (+1)
4. Kingsford (+1)
5. Audioslavia (-3)
6. Oglethorpia (+2)
7. Bedistan (-1)
8. Brazillico (-1)
9. Lemmitania (+-)
10. The Eagle's Nest (+-)
...and for good measure...
11. Snub Nose 38 (+6)

numbers in parentheses indicate change as a result of second round action and/or final/3rd-place matches in U21 World Cup*

Quarterfinal Predictions
Eauz over Oglethorpia AET
Rejistania over Snub Nose 38
Tanah Burung over Total n Utter Insanity
Kingsford over Liverpool England

BediStat's predicted WC14 champions: Tanah Burung

So there you have our take on it. The Crocodiles are really looking hot this time around, and we think they can go all the way. Don't expect Rejistania and Eauz to go down without a fight, though.

* OOC: TnUI - noted your idea in the rankings thread. Plan to discuss, but until KP and I make an agreement, I'm leaving it as is for now.

*we recognize the grounds of the estate immediatly. we're in the rose garden, and across the reflecting pool from us are ben and eileen dover, consultants to the hooligan management staff. they're sharing a hammock, and ben is feeding eileen grapes - the green ones.*

- Do you think they can beat Rejistania, Ben?
- Dunno, Eileen.
- Well, no matter what, they're one of the best sides Snub Nose 38 ever fielded.
- True. This is a far as any Hooligans ever got. They've never made it past the third round.
- I'd bet the farm that these guys can do it.
- Well - let's just leave that to the match itself, fate...and whatever Margaret might have up her sleeve.
- Those are some very large sleeves.
- I've heard she keeps a spare goat up there, just in case it's halftime at a Hooligans match and they've forgotten the obligatory goat.
- I've heard she keeps a batch of her special "honey-mustard chicken" up there.
- Isn't that the same chicken recipe they think gave the Dennisov side food poisoning?
- I think so.
- Say, did you read this evenings Scuttlebutt?
- No.
- Well, the Bedistaticians have released their prediction on who'll win the Cup.
- Melmond said it'd be the Hooligans a while back. Bedistan agree?
- No...not quite.
- So who did the pick, Ben?
- ...The Crocs.
- Gack! Choke! Thwfptht!

*ben has to apply the heimlich maneuver. after a couple of seconds, eileen spits up the grape.*

- They predict Tanah Burung to win?
- 'Swat they said.
- Are you thinking what I'm thinking?
- If it has anything to do with the raspberry I bought after I read the paper, I think so.
- Let's get it in the mail first thing in the morning.
- I sent it by Overnite Express just before dinner.
- That's my boy.

*it looks like smooching and what not is about to ensue. not that we have anything against smooching and what not...but we want to give ben and eileen their privacy. besides, we forgot all about dinner. maybe there's some cold chicken...er, no, maybe we should skip the chicken...cold pizza?*

Insanician Bookies are lining up on Suicial Point as we await the results from the TnUI-TB match. Amazingly this is the first time the two teams have met, even though both have been playing since WC2. TB are odds on favourite, infact if TB win quite a lot of bookies are gonna be bankrupt. There are mass prayers for an Insanician upset, but it's unlikely as they have never made the semis before and probably never will.

Total n Utter Insanity verus Tanah Burung

Fan 1: Have you heard?

Fan 2: What?

Fan 1: Apparently there is some big famous star coming to play for the Insanicians.

Fan 2: Who?

Fan 1: It's rumoured the Lord of Darkness himself.

The Dor Daedoloth was already on route, having got air clearance. The ominous presence of the blast furnace hovered over the stadium covering it in shadow. The crowd below gasped, and then fell silent. The Crocs looked decidedly nervous. To be continued...

This is an official WCC announcement.

Just to let you know that the upcoming World Cup will be hosted by...

The Eagle's Nest & Eauz!

CONGRATULATIONS!

If you are unwilling or unable for any reason to complete this duty, the Cup will be hosted by Brazillico and Spaam.

Thank you all for your attention. Get back to kicking that ball!

*fades back into the shadows. . .*

This is an official WCC announcement.

Just to let you know that the upcoming World Cup will be hosted by...

The Eagle's Nest & Eauz!

CONGRATULATIONS!

If you are unwilling or unable for any reason to complete this duty, the Cup will be hosted by Brazillico and Spaam.

Thank you all for your attention. Get back to kicking that ball!

*fades back into the shadows. . .*

The Minister of Defense and N00kz stepped up to a podium, where he gave a speech on international television:

"They are not in Eauz. They are not in control of any World Cup. It is all a lie. They lie. It is a socaliZt movie. You do not believe them. Be assured, Commerce Heights is safe, protected. The WCC is all about lies! All they tell are lies, lies, and more lies! They do not even have control over themselves! Do not believe them! There are no WCC infidels in Terranordalis! Never! We have placed them in a quagmire from which they will never emerge except dead. Their failure in this regard is Abysmali. They want to tell the world changes thought - as a matter of fact, they do not respect the world, they want to tell taxpayers and the domestic public to keep them deceived. We will embroil them, confuse them and keep them in the quagmire. They have begun to tell more lies so that they might continue with the perpetration of their crimes. May they be accursed. I triple guarantee you, The Eagles Nest and Eauz are not in the WCC. They're not even within 100 miles of the WCC. They are not in any place. They hold no place in the WCC. This is an illusion...they are trying to sell to the others an illusion. They are not in the WCC. They are nowhere. They are on the moon. They are snakes in the desert. Snub Nose 38, this man is a war criminal, and we will see that he is brought to trial. Let the WCC infidels bask in their illusion. The communiZt invading Eagles Nest and Eauz forces are like a snake that slithers all over the place but doesn't control anything. NO, we have retaken the WCC. There are no communiZts there. I will take you there and show you. AFTER THE N00K RADIATION DISAPPEARS!"

OOC: Even the commies will give you RP bonus for that. :D

The minister of Sport and Recreation steps up to the podium

I am proud today to announce to sports fans of Eauz, The Eagle's Nest and the world that World Cup 15 will be hosted by The Eagle's Nest and Eauz. The WCC has voted and this is the result.

For those who are unsure of the hosts or are afraid of the political situation, both countries are Categorised as Inoffensive Centrist Democracy. Eauz is more of a socialist country, but The Eagles Nest is more right wing. Do not listen to these lies your politicians are telling you about the 2 hosts.

OCC:

RP-Nazi: NO Bonus for YOU!

:P

btw... thanks for all who voted for TEN Commies!

double postah

*earlier aspn announced that today's political commentary for the current ruling party would be delivered by the minister of motor vehicles, pickling, and defense. we are a little worried that they might raise the motor vehicle registration fees again, so we listen in*

- Is this thing on? Yes? Right, then. Say, did you all see the Commerce Heights Minister of Defense and N00Kz on TV today? What a nut. Hard to tell exactly what set 'im off - the media wonks are blaming it on the WCC awarding WC XV to Eauz and The Eagles Nest. Wot evah. Somewhere in the middle of his raving, he seems to have insulted our great leader, The Guy Currently In Charge Of Stuff For The Frost-Free Borderlands Of Snub Nose 38. And he may or may not have threatened our great nation - hard to tell. Over at the Ministry of Super Secret Sleuthery Jack Cass has his team hard at work on the Defence and N00Kz Minister's speach, trying to figure out just what, if anything, it means. First thing they did, I'm told, was take out all the works that didn't make sense. That left a blank piece of paper - so now they're gonna just take out all the adjectives and adverbs and see if what's left can be translated.

Anywho - over at Motor Vehicles, Pickling, and Defense we just want you all to know that we take all threats against our motherland...um...fatherland...um...well, our land - quite seriously, as we are responsible to protect you in the event of any, like, militaryish kind of stuff goin' on. So, when they reminded me I was the Minister with "Defense" somewhere in my title, I put us on High Alert. Both of our soldiers are standing by just in case. The Rowboat Captain has put to sea - well, he's really kind of put to lake - doesn't want to go to actual "sea" unless he has to. He tells me any wave over three feet high will swamp the Rowboat, and what's a navy without a boat? I think we have a Bi Plane and a Zepplin somewhere - I'm sure the pilots know where they are, and if we can just find the pilots, we'll put them on alert, too.

'Kay, then. Just wanted to letcha all know we're ready, just in case there's anything to the Commerce Heights Minister of Defense and N00Kz besides hot air. Say, we could use that in the Zepplin. No - sorry - wrong kind of balloon.

Umm...that's all...bye.

Just wanted to letcha all know we're ready, just in case there's anything to the Commerce Heights Minister of Defense and N00Kz besides hot air.

A rogue group of PariMedia reporters manages to sneak past a perimeter consisting entirely of missile silos, three runways, and a large group of infantry to reach the office of the Minister of Defense and N00kz. They secretly listened in on a conversation between the Minister and his advisors:

Advisor 1: The Snub Nose 38 Minister of Motor Vehicles, Pickling, and Defense has stated that you are full of hot air, but has placed their military on high alert. How should we respond?

Minister: I have detailed information about the situation...which completely proves that what they allege are illusions...They lie every day.

Advisor 2: You said that the Minister is full of hot air? I always thought he was two-thirds water.

Minister: Just look carefully, I only want you to look carefully. Do not repeat the lies of liars. Do not become like them. Once again, I blame ASPN before it ascertains what takes place. Please, make sure of what you say and do not play such a role.

Advisor 1: I have a cunning plan.

Advisor 3: Where are you from, The Belmore Family?

Advisor 1: Nobody likes you. Just go away, will you?

Minister: This is unbased!

Advisor 2: We need to respond to their military action, Minister!

Minister: Their military effort is a subject of laughter throughout the world.

Advisor 2: OK, Minister, I'll handle everything except the n00kz. The plan is 'we will destroy you.'



The Minister of Defense and N00kz delivered a second speech to increase the nation's confidence in the Carlin Administration.

"That bastard the Snub Nose 38 Minister of Motor Vehicles, Pickling, and Defense, and I won't say shamelessly, because they don't know what shame means. These are criminals. The whole word can hear the warning sirens. This criminal running the WCC is a pathetic criminal and his Defense Minister deserves to be beaten. These criminals lie to the world because they are criminals by nature and conditioning. They consider this a military site! Shame on you! You will forever be shamed! You have ruined the reputation of the WCC in the most terrible way! Shame on you! And we will destroy you!"



Advisor 2 ordered a stealth bomber attack on the Snub Nose 38 capital of Sten to show what the Minister of Defense and N00kz is made of. As the stealth bombers flew over the city, they dropped thousands of packages of bottled water on the city, complete with large, colorful labels saying "Made With CapitaliZm in the Überkapitaliztrepublik". They also provided the Snub Nose 38 Air Force with a military balloon, originally part of the now-defunct Baetican Grand Airmada.

overheard on the streets of Sten:

"Ya know, weird words on the label or not, this bottled water from Commerce Heights is pretty good."

President Garric Ashallond steps up to a podium and addresses the camera.

"Greetings from The Eagle's Nest. This is a small welcome to our country and to clarify a few things.

First and foremost we are a democracy in The Nest, elected every 6 years, with a three term limit. We are not affiliated with Hitler, fascists or anything remotely as such.

Second, we pride ourselves in our Tourist and Information Sectors in our economy. Our beaches are second to none, and our scientists, are well, pretty smart.

Third, a few of our neighbors are a bit strange, and so we do recommend that tourists and guests to The Eagle's Nest do not travel to *ahem* Holy Empire of Sendrania...they are appearing to have an undead problem...mainly cause their holy emperor keeps raising them....and sending them against other countries. Luckily he is not stupid enough to try against us, as our clerics will smite his evil army as soon as it crosses our borders.

Finally, We hope that you will enjoy yourselves in our safe country, as we have numerous police out in preperation for the cup.

Thank you.

Sirake Tekim: Hejida listeners, Idine Sala and Elin Ri now work for the state television and I still bring you 'live from the leagues' and now during cup times: (jingle starts:)

Female voice in the Jingle: Live from the Cup. From the World Cup 14 directly to you here on Radio RejisCAST!
(jingle ends)

Yes, 'live from the cup' the only english speaking world cup report in entire Rejistania. We had some trouble finding a replacement for Idine Sala and Elin Ri, but finally we found Ji Lyku. Hejida!

Ji Lyku: 'jida here! I'm here in Kingsford to report from the match between our Orange-Blues and S..nu... Nos Lykejo, well against our opponent.

ST: You mean Snub Nose thirty-eight?

JL: 'Course I mean 'em. It's just a bit difficult to pronounce. And they don't have a rejistanized name like Akila.

ST: 'Lasane Lykejo' is used.

JL: 'Team thirty eight'? Remind's me of the new KaMaRians. Ah no, they finished 18th in the league.

ST: Yeah, KaMaRi Ines did play worse than the name promised. But 38 does not refer to the rank!

JL: well, I can't guess why 'ny country would have a name with a number.

ST: ah, yes, it shows how different the countries are, doesn't it? We don't understand most of their culture that easily and they don't get the concept of ours.

JL: k, sounds reasonable! Anyway, here's the roster of the Orange-Blues... Wait, I can't believe that: Su I Y is starting goalkeeper!

ST: Is he?

JL: He is. Mataju slani*, this is no qualifiers match!

ST: I have heard that Nana Daki wasn't feeling well today.

JL: I hope no 'food poisoning'!

ST: Nah, Nana is used to hot greenfruits.

JL: ok, starting anew: Goalie is Su I Y, defenders are Seda Kansu, Ila Lena, Lata~n Gu, and Kansu Ji. In the midfield we have some known names: Hana Yla, Sime Hilat, Idine Takil and Xeran Susu.

ST: Yeah, many players have names which we know from previous teams. Think of Xkeliko Susu, Hana Yla, Sil Hilat or Laxtu Takil.

JL: Well, Laxtu Takil is again with the team, even if he doesn't play anymore. Forwards are Milan "Tihrana" Tia~e and Mata Koleni. Now for the Snub Nose 38 side... oh, I see that there only one name is given... I hope it is not insulting if I just say it.

ST: English doesn't have a word like "'he" and the rules to speak about someone politely are much more lose than in Rejistania so just go ahead.

JL: ok, They play in a 3-4-3 system, that means more attacking than our System Imdila. Goalie is "J.W.", Defenders are: Doozer, Eldorado and Kenworth. Midfielders are: Percy, Byron, Shelly and Keats, The forwards are: Bentley, Mallou and Clarence.

ST: Did you notice that snub Nose 38 plays in the same formation as the Orange-Blues in WC12?

JL: Yeah, I did. Anyway, prepare to bleep things out, the anthems start.

(The Snub Nosian anthem gave no reason to bleep things out, but in the Rejistanian anthem, fans sing 'competition style'. At one points, the 'new' lyrics get that expletive, that it is bleeped out at any competition 'for the sake of the minors'. Since most of the minors watch the match with the family, this does not help much.)

JL: Han'iln, Orange-Blues the match starts! (Pause) What the ....?

ST: What's happening?

JL: Well the score is displayed on the big screen in the stadium... and it says Snub Nose Lyryjo Rejistania Nilha. 380 to nil! they use the sign for hundred!

ST: Must be a mistake.

JL: Could as well be a bribed official...

(15th minute)
JL: Tihrana now, in good position, he shoots,... to Koleni'he, Koleni'he now... to the goal, J.W. misses the ball by centimeters, The Orange-Blues are leading! (we hear a clicking and then a silence showing Ji Lyku is clever enough to mute the sound before shouting "xxxxxkkkkkkkkooooooorrrrrrrrrraaaaaaa!")

(short after that)
JL: The Hooligans are not at least disencouraged by the early trailing, they start attacking. Bentley in possesion of the ball, wins the running duel against Seda Kansu. He's not in the best position for a shot, but he risks it.... The ball hits the post, but it is reflected into the goal... Su I Y chanceless, surprised, outsmarted. (the sound is muted again)

(29th minute)
JL: That's a clear foul, the referee shows fortunately only yellow to Ila Lena, but Snub Nose get awarded a free kick...

Heta Vali: Sorry to interrupt you, we have important traffic news: On the highway A39 between Jesejil North and I Jesejil, children are playing on the road. I repeat: On the highway A39 between Jesejil North and I Jesejil, children are playing on the road. Now back to your broadcast.

JL:...slani selme!... Oh, I'm on air? Well, I can tell it quickly: 1:2 against the Orange-Blues, Mallou scored.

(halftime)
JL: That's the whistle, the first half ends, the Orange-Blues are either trailing 1:2 against Snub Nose 38 or 381:2 against Snub Nose. And the problem is: they didn't even play bad, ok, Kansu'he's foul and ok, this chance in the 35th chance screamed to be capitalised, but in the end, they just lacked luck.

ST: Well, the defense of the Orange-Blues is not in the state it was lets say four years ago. Players like Seda or Sijij Kansu have reached their Zenith... it is time for Laxtu Takil to give newcomers like...

JL: What is that? The 'hooligans' cheerleader of the hooligans enter the field and form the 38.

(OOC: couldn't check the last hooligans-rhymes and didn't know them by heart)
Hooligans: As sure as we will be here
Hooligans will make you fear
Rejislania? No chance?
No this time is our revenge!

JL: Well, I guess you all know what is happening now, all kinds of fruits are raining down on the hooligans, tomatoes, mangos, coconuts, greenfruits, apples, bananas, pears... well also anough non-fruit-like things are raining down on them... The small g-o-a-t, which is a must at any matches of Snub Nose 38... Pretty anything but the kitchen sink is thrown on the pitch...

ST: No kitchen-sink this time?

JL: Well, I might not have seen it.

(after the second half finally started)
JL: Finally the second half started, I don't know why people threw greenfruits, greenfruit-juice is like glue. It took ages to clean that mess up.

ST: Cheers to the Kingsforders and Oglethorpians, in the H5SR, a greenfruit bombardement led to the end of the match.

JL: I played in that match, don't remind me!

ST: You played for Riandija?

JL: I still do!

(50th minute)
JL: This is Tia~e'he in good position, he shoots...

ST: Sorry to interrupt the broadcast, our sponsors are demanding their time.

(JL says something like: "Tell 'em to f*ck off" in majuvedian as the sound is faded out.)

(65th minute)
ST: Finally the commercials are over, this whole Hooligans incident slanied our schedule, how's things, Ji?

JL: Changed, pretty much changed I might add. Tihrana archieved the equalizer in the 50th minute just after the commercials started, in the 56th minute, Idine Sala brought us ahead 3:2 and well, just two minute ago, Clarence equalized again!

ST: Seems like we missed much action.

JL: Sure! If someone wants to sue our radio station I predict 'em all chances to win!

ST: Don't give the listeners ideas!

(89th minute)
JL: I can tell you, this match will go into extra-time. Both teams fight like lions, both teams had a couple of 100% chances which they could not capitalize, both teams were equally strong, skilled and present. The Hooligans are no opponent anymore to defeat 2:0 easily. By Taderi, a long-distance shot by Ra went in! Rejistania is leading 4:3!!!!

(94th minute)
JL: This is the final whistle, and the result is clear: The Orange-Blues are in the semifinals for a second time!

*for *bleep*s sake

Le LIBRE

Oglethorpia is Pwnd!

Fans of Les Bleus took over the newscast and paper for the day

Fan1: w00t! we so owned Oglethorpia.

Fan2: Oh yeh, we finally got our revenge on those crazy capitaliZts!

Fan3: w0000, Oglethorpia can go (beeeeeep)

Our regularly scheduled program will be replaced by something else

<zap>

…The weather in Zuka will be rainy and cool. The temperature will reach 16 degrees Celsius…
<zap off>

The world Oglethorpia was turned upside down yesterday as they went into the quarter final looking to continue their streak against Les Bleus. Sports fans from Eauz and Oglethorpia came out to watch this emotional match. The match didn’t start off well as the Commie the Mascot of Les Bleus got in a fight with the Oglethorpian mascot. Police had to separate the two and both were taken to prison. Fans from both sides used that as a way to support their side. Fans started to fight with each other as it turned into a large mob. The match had only gotten 10 minutes into the match, and it had to stop. After 30 minutes of calming the crowd down and people taken away by police, the match resumed. Both teams played equally well in the first half. It was suspected that due to the emotion in the building and between the teams the match would be very tense. Signs in the Oglethorpian stadium read things such as: “Go home commies!” and “I’ve got more money than your whole team”. Things like this bothered the fans of Les Bleus which got many of them expelled from the stadium. By the end of the first half, one could see this match was not working out well. The officials and managers meet together during the first half and came up with a way to finish off the match. They decided to finish the match using a foosball table. Both teams would pick 2 players to play the match. Unfortunately both teams’ players found the alcohol already, and all the players were uber-drunk. The match had to go on, as Joseuf and Rousseau were picked to play the match. After 90 minutes of nonsense, both teams finished at a 0 – 0. The match went into overtime as both teams were drawing blanks in the shoot out. The last shot for Les Bleus, Joseuf was pushed by Rousseau which sent the ball in a crazy direction going into the net. Les Bleus had scored! Oglethorpia did not score on the final shot, due to being too drunk and Les Bleus went on to a 1 – 0 victory over their rivals.

With the victory, Les Bleus advance for the second time to the quarter finals where they will meet up against Rejistania, who is also an ex-world cup winner. Rejistania won their match 4 – 3 to advance. Both teams are high ranked, which should make for a very good match, and an improvement from this match against Oglethorpia.

I guess he was PWND twice!

ooc: Rejis - I really enjoyed the broadcast. That's just about the most fun I've had losing a match :wink:

Part 2 of the TnUI vs TB RP will be posted in about 3 days, until then here's one I made earlier.

TnUI History - Part the seventh

A heaving metropolis now surrounds the river.

Insanician the first: Over there is the temple of Uhuh, which celebrates the glorious Uhuh in all its splendour.

Insanician the second: It's a shame it was cruelly hunted to extinction.

Rejistanian the only: ''' ' ''' '' ''''' ''-'' '?

Insanician the first: What the fuck is that, Morse Code?

Rejistanian the only: '' '''-' ''' ' ' '''!

Insanician the second: Whatever he’s on I want some.

Ravenspirian the only: Click clock click clock!

Rejistanian the only: ''' '' ' ''''?

Insanician the first: What the...

English Liverpudlian the only slaps Insanician the first around a bit with a large trout

Insanician the second: Dude, cheese it!

SEMIFINALS SCORES!

TGed. Posted tomorrow.

In a rejistanian factory on the day of the semifinal:

Boss: Anyone here?

Tiki (rushing in): me.

Boss: Who are you?

Tiki: Tiki Dala, I work here since three days.

Boss: And where are all the others?

Tiki (while pointing to the places where they usually work): Samea'he broke his leg, Jidi'he is at the funeral of his grandmother, Syku'he at the funeral of his father, Tadale'he has 40°C fever, Hamin'he has food poisoning, Makru'he's lawsuit because of his divorce started today, Riju'he's daughter was arrested and he takes care of her, Syku'he's baby is ill, Maku'he has diarrhea, Kansu'he...

Boss (interrupts): I get the idea. Let's watch the game against Eauz too!

------
At the same time in RejisCAST:

Sirake Tekim: Hejida listeners, I am Sirake Tekim, and I may welcome you to another 90 minutes plus extra-time and penalty kicks if required of rejistanian world cup action. You are listening to:

jingle: Radio RejisCAST - Live from the Cup!

ST: For us in Kingsford, in the Trinational Stadium is Ji Lyku, hello Ji, how's things?

JL: The mood is heated... rejistanian fans are always really fanatic and eauzians don't really fall behind in terms of fanaticness. I hope I'll find a way out after the match to avoid brawls and such...

ST: it's so bad?

JL: You know perhaps how eauzians ravaged in KaMaRi after the final, it was worse than Hanin vs Hades and that means something!

ST: but I mean? Can Eauzians really hope to win, I mean, they are socialist...

JL: Communists even, but what's the point?

ST: Everybody's born to compete as he chooses, but how can someone win if winning means that someone loses.

JL: Communist equality? not against an evil capitalistic state like ours.

ST: We are not capitalistic.

JL: The Rejis allows free enterprise, so we are.

ST: Well, ok, but compared to real capital and debts states like Commerce Heights, we are commies.

JL: Right, but compared to real communists like Eauzians, we are evil capitalists - and Marx told to defeat them. Communism should take over the world according to him.

ST: I prefer Luxemburg'he's approach. The time will come when the masses rise against oppression.

JL: Well, we're not here to discuss left-wing topics... I guess all of our listeners want to know the rosters for both teams, here we go: For Rejistania: Nana Daki plays in goal again.

ST: Good. Su I Y's last game was not that good. Three goals conceded, fortunately, we won despite this.

JL: The defense consists of: Jen Ji, Seda Kansu, Lata~n Gu and Kansu Ji. Our midfielders are: Hana Yla, Exke Hail, Idine Takil and Liy Ra. no experiments concerning the forwards: Tihrana and Mata Koleni start again.

ST: Good that Ila Lena doesn't play.

JL: I won't make comments about his skill, but right, he collects red and yellow cards... But now for the Eauzians... Sirake, do you speak french?

ST: No.

JL: Oops, I don't too. I have no idea how to pronounce the names.

ST: Butcher them like always.

JL: Are you accusing me to butcher names?

ST: I do, remember how you pronounced the names of the snubbian tem?

JL: that was in snub nosian. Anyways: it does not matter.

ST: Why?

JL: Do I need to say more that "404 - File not found"?

ST: Debts!

JL: High debts, indeed!

(voice from nowhere): Stop cursing!

ST: Aye, boss!

JL: Aye. By the way: Again we talked nearly too long to miss the anthems. Here they come.

(first the communist international, the anthem of Eauz is played and sung with a french text "C'est la guerre finale" and so on. After that, the rejistanian anthem rejistaniha kaletri is played, the fans sing it 'competition style', the line "il'ma'ta viki slani xen!" is not missing and again bleeped out.)

(the match starts)

JL: Eauz with the kickoff, oh my god, they are directly attacking the Orange-Blue goal. Daki'he is surprised, can't react in time. that's goal for Eauz in the 1st minute.

ST: I reported from many world cup matches... but that... it never happened.

JL: The rejistanian fans are shocked and the Eauzians... you must see it: they are waving their red books of Karl Marx and shouting "superit'e" superiority and some things about capitalism which could be uttered by Ila Iles.

ST: That bad?

JL: I think so.

ST: But you don't know any french...

JL: Well, I lied a bit, I can understand and speak a bit, but I never saw it in writing...

ST: ah that's the reason why you switched the sound more quiet?

JL: yeah, it is. Well, the Orange-Blue fans have gotten over the shock and also chant in a non family friendly way, soe people are waving lil'kansu notes.

ST: Sounds like trouble...

JL: it does!

(15th minute)
JL: That was close, the eauzian forward nearly extended the lead but only hit the post. Nana Daki was really lucky with this...

ST: Eauz really dominated the Orange-Blues during this part of the game.

JL: Yeah, currently it looks like an easy match for the communists, but things can change!

ST: I really hope so.

(42nd minute)
JL: Exke Hail has the ball,... he passes to Idine Takil, Takil'he to Koleni'he... xxxxxkkkkkkoooooorrrrrrrrraaaaaaaaaaa!!! Koleni''he's quick shot in the upper left corner was not held by the Eauzian goalie! That's the equalizer!

(halftime)
JL: The first half just ended in communistic equality, the first half of the first half showed clearly the Eauzian dominance but the Orange-Blues came back and virtually out of nowhere the 1:1 was archieved. Mata Koleni, he's really ma'ta koleni sometimes!

ST: I totally agree, but for our english listeners, he ment uncomparable.

JL: are there english listeners of our station?

ST: who else are our listeners?

JL: People who want to show off? We are a station with a certain international touch, so it's great if you want to create an well, anti-provincial image.

ST: You think this is the only reason?

JL: yes.

(78th minute)
JL: ...That means, corner kick for Rejistania, Yla'he shoots the corner kick from the right side. The last corner kicks for the Orange-Blues were utterly successless, Yla'he shoots, ... (excited) Oh my god, either Tihrana or an eauzian defender had his head at the right place now, the ball went in! 2:1, Xi ja mje, that is the lead for the Orange-Blues. The rejistanian fans are celebrating as if they already advanced into the final,

ST: there are still 12 minutes.

JL: well 'celebrating as if advanced into the final', it is a saying in eastern KaMaRi.

ST: Yeah, I know, but here, it has the chance to become reality.

JL: Right. Especially since the Orange-Blues had more dominance in this half, good chances whixh yearned to be capitalised, finally Tihrana did it.

(92nd minute)
JL: Fortunately this last Eauzian attack was not sucessfull. Good work of substituted Lena'he, at this time. (a whistle is heard) That is the end, 2:1 is the final score, Rejistania is in the final for the second time! Oglethorpia'han!

ST: The final will be in Oglethorpia?

JL: yes.

ST: That is no good sign...

JL: you are too superstitous, I can show you taht there is no reason for it, I can mention the state of the connection and it still work---

(here the connection breaks down, vinali'han, viki'iln Junis-Omeh'ny!)

Le LIBRE

The Run Is Over

It is too bad, for Les Bleus were on their way to another possible world cup. Les Bleus had a great run up to the semi-finals where they met up with Rejistania. This run though was expected from all nations, for Les Bleus had the curse of Margaret on them, and it was only an amount of time till it came into play. As for those capitaliZts, they were happy to see the spread of Eauz stopped in its tracks by another socialist country.

The match though started off pretty well for Les Bleus, seeming as if they might be too strong for the Rejistanian team. Not even 1 minute into the match, Les Bleus were attacking catching the rejis defence off guard, as Joseuf scored the first goal for Les Bleus. Joseuf knelt to his knees and said a few words, possibly to this so called “Margaret”. At the moment of the ball hitting the back of the net, Eauz fans in the stadium were cheering loudly and waving around socialist books, and screaming superiority. During the 16th minute, Joseuf was at it again, as he got control of the ball kicking it, only to hit the post. This was very close for the Rejistanian team, who would have gone down 2 – 0 if that ball had gone in. This close call for the Rejistanian team got their moral back on the right track, as during the 42nd minute of play, finally got together a good attack, as the ball was kicked into the top left corner of the Eauzian goal. Yeuseuv knew he should have had that ball, and was frustrated with himself. This frustration got to him, but fortunately no other attack in the first half came on him by the Rejistanian team.

The second half saw more life to the Orange-Blue team, but not until late in the match did either team perform a notable attack. In the Eauz zone, the Orange-Blue were passing the ball around and putting shots on goal. One shot was on goal, but was blocked by Yeuseuv. The ball went to the side, and the Orange-Blue got a corner kick. Off of the corner kick, the ball was on target to hit the group of players. The ball went off of one of the Orange-Blue players, going past Yeuseuv who was tricked on the bounce. At this moment, during the 78th minute, Rejistania went up 2 – 1. It was getting late for Les Bleus, who were hoping to defend their cup. The closest chance for Les Bleus came during the 91st minute of play, which was stopped by the keeper. The match finished at 2 – 1 for Rejistania, as Les Bleus were shocked at the result of the match. Had Margaret played a part in the end of Les Bleus run?

Congratulations to Rejistania for beating the number 1 team of the World and good luck in the final. As for Les Bleus, they will be playing for the 3rd position against Total n Utter Insanity. Les Bleus need to get a victory for their moral and also to stay ranked 1st in the world. The last time Les Bleus played against Total n Utter Insanity, Les Bleus won 1 – 0. Even though Les Bleus will not be playing for the Cup, Les Bleus still played very well in this cup especially against strong teams.

At Amalgamated Stadium...

It is days before the final is set to take place in the Bureaucratic States' Amalgamated Stadium.

Already, however the Stadium is surrounded by both an army of Record Hall employees and a mishmash of Widespread Nationwide Police officers. The former intending to streamline Oglethorpian bureaucracy as much as possible to not slow things down [b]too much (as is the norm, and the cause for the high number of jobs in the country) and the latter to make sure the effort would progress without interference.

Makeshift tables and an army of transplanted filing cabnets were setup to make sure that for once, something in the Bureaucratic States wouldn't take forever to do -- after all, 108,234 fans attending the final for World Cup 14 are not a crowd you would like to keep waiting. Because of all the paperwork the government was going to attempt to file quickly to ensure a somewhat-streamlined World Cup 14 final, parking would be tight -- but Rejistanian, Kingsforder and local Oglethorpian football enthusiasts would improvise.

Needless to say, for blocks around the city would be packed with cars.

Cannon fodder were a football riot to break out. The WNP aimed to stop it -- ready to spring into action after the final whistle in Amalgamated Stadium.

Before the final, on the border to Oglethorpia.

A bus reaches the border, inside of the bus is the Rejistanian national team.
Oglethorpian officer: Can I see your passports, please?
Bus driver: Not a problem, here are they all.
Officer: I need to check if the person on the photo is really the person who wants to travel into the country with th passport, so please everyone come out, show your passport and fill out a few forms.
The bus driver shouts something in accented rejistanian into the bus, the team slowly stops doing what they did before and go out. The bus driver gives everyone his passport.
Defender Lata~n Gu steps out first.
Officer: Name?
LG: Lata~n Gu
Officer: Come again?
LG: Lata~n Gu.
Officer: Please spell it.
LG: okay, first name: L-a-t-a-link-n
Officer: link?
LG: Yeah, that tilde-like symbol.
Officer: You don't want to say that your name contains a tilde.
LG: Just in latin transliteration, in rejistanian it is a a line below the to letters, in isesian letters, ta~n is a sign looking somthing like that (draws it into the air)
Officer: That is not important! The problem is, that a tilde can not be part of a name, never.
LG: Look into my passport, it is Lata~n with a link in it.
Officer: When filling out the forms, pleasse replace he sign with a blank.
LG: ok.
(the officer gives him many forms)
Officer: Fill them out, don't mess up the order and don't strike things out. You need to re-do the entire sheet in that case.
LG: Are these the forms for the entire team?
Officer: no, just for you.
Gu murmurs something like: 'I have less forms to fill out when doing my taxes' goes to a nearby table and answers questions about his place of birth, the reason he travels to Oglethorpia, his financial situation, if he ever was member of a communist party and many other things. While he does that, the officer discussses with Milan Tia~e if a tilde is a part of a name. After that, Liy Ra faces this first post of Oglethorpian burreaucracy.
Officer: Name?
Liy Ra: Su?
Officer: what's your name?
LR: xe'ki'ta hadada jusa. il'ma'visko rejistaniha su? (I don't understand english. Could you speak rejistanian?)
Officer: can't you speak english?
LR: uluje'ma linkite xe su? (can someone translate for me?)
Laxtu Takil leaves the bus
LT: He can't speak english, I can translate for you.
Officer: Are you a translator certified by the Bureaucratic States?
LT: No, coach of the Orange-Blues.
Officer: Oh, why didn't you tell me that you are the rejistanian national team? We have special simplfied forms and procedures for members of foreign international teams during the times of international sports tournaments hosted in the Bureaucratic States. Manager, coach and team captain only need to fill out these forms.
LT: Great! Ilaj, Seda, han'iln namin! (come here!)
(Ila Kansu and Seda Kansu leave the bus)
LT: Manager Ilaj Lani, team captain Seda Kansu, (he points to himself) coach Laxtu Takil.
Officer: According to my data, Exke Sines is team captain.
LT: (nearly bursts out laughing) you're not quite up to date. When Exke was team captain, I was midfielder in the team.
The offices says that he wants to call his boss and leaves. The Orange-Blues realize that it will take ages until they reach ... well, something in this bureaucracy.

The crowd had thrice the roar of a Barcoenfuego crowd. Neighboring Oglethorpia’s capital, Megalopolis City, was the stage. The actors: Kingsford National and the Rejistanians. There would be 90 minutes to live and let die in this battle of these two footballing powers that had never met before on pitch.

The roar of the crowd drowned out the whistle, and the Rejistanians looked over at the ref, who nodded. The match was played in true Barcoenfuego/Kingsforder fashion, slow and heart attack causing. There were several chances, but none were capitalized.

“Lunchbox, this game sucks!” Announced co-coach Jay Leonardo. “Let’s put the retard in. Well why not? No, he won’t screw it up. Hey Jingus! JINGUS!”

Jingus Gonorrhea limped over to the coaches. “Yessah?”

“Jingus, we want you to go in for Scott Dark.”

“Whysah?”

“Because this match sucks.”

“Isa scruuuud it up, tah?”

“No way. Homeless people are always good.”

Gonorrhea shrugged, and Silent Bob chuckled at the back of his jersey. As soon as Scott Dark walked off the field, he punched Jay in the face.

“That’s what life’s all about, lunchbox. Getting punched in the face by a loser!”

As soon as Jingus hit the field, he started running all over the place. At one point, he got the ball, not knowing what to do with it, he kicked it as hard as he could into the crowd. It went unexpectedly fast and crushed the skull of a spectator, later identified as Alan Belmore, the retired star of the Belmore Family, who now is six feet under.

Jingus, ashamed, sat down in the middle of the field. He sat there for the rest of the match, which had some good struggles, didn’t result in much. Then, in the waning minutes of extra time, Saturn Calcéte, realizing the clock to be low, hurled a kick. It looked on course to the Rejistanian Keeper, until it bounced off the back of Jingus Gonorrhea, soaring high into the air. All players rushed to his side, but the ref’s whistle didn’t blow, and the ball, headed slowly toward the Rejistanian goal, bounced slowly in, just before the final buzzer. The score was Kingsford 1, Rejistania 0 in the World Cup 14 final, the only goal attributed to Jingus Gonorrhea in the 95th. This match would stand in history as the greatest match ever played by a Kingsforder team. Other great feats had been accomplished, but none to the importance as this. Kingsford had won World Cup 14, and they had done it on the back of their unlikely hero, the 4th string keeper, known to the world as Gonorrhea.

Congratulations, Kingsford!

Ex-Bedistan Lions manager Johnny Lewis could only shake his head after watching the conclusion of the World Cup final. "Kingsford winning a World Cup? TnUI finishing in the top three? What the devil has this world come to?!" He was then promptly escorted back to his room at the Port Lusambo Center for the Aged, Infirm, and Just Plain Crazy.

[OOC: Next time. We will get it next time. :P]

The team was totally down as 120 minutes of hetaki were proven unsuccessfull. Ila Lena was red-carded but with Jingus for the Kingsfordians, the number of players for both sides was equal. The match was even but then this incident which rejistanian fans will just call 'the disgrace' happened in the 90+5th minute.

The Rejistanian fans did not like the loss, but hey, 100 teams were out before them. In entire Rejistania "xamjona xi'he" (vice champion) or "xen'la'lanja'viki" (we nearly won) parties started. The Orange-Blues might have lost but they gave their best and that is all that matters.

TnUI quick wrap up.

The bookies ploy to scare the Burangs worked, as the Insanicians made the semi finals for the first time ever.

Things didn't go so well, playing Kingsford at home as Belless didn't show up. He was later found tied up with Kingsford scarves.

The third place playoff was a quite affair, until it was whipped up as a battle of capitaliZts versus communiZts by crazed Heightorians. The Insanicians fought valiantly, but it was even at the end of regulation time. Extra time finally broke the conflict as Belless finished his hat trick and dunked the former champs, not to be confused with LE.

APRIL 21ST 2005 (R/L)

Selecting this topic of special historical importance, the Bureaucratic States History Bureau has seen fit to place strategically place this post so as to preserve the topic in its entirety.