NationStates Jolt Archive

The Bedistan Sports Digest

Perfect?
I knew we were good, but I didn't know we were this good

Stan Dupp in Aerigia for Aerigia 1-2 Bedistan

"Perfect" is a tricky word to use. How does one define perfection in terms of football? Never missing a shot on goal? Never giving up a goal to the opponent? Executing every play flawlessly? If you use any of these definitions, I strongly doubt any team will ever achieve "perfection".

I suppose you could use a quantitative measure such as winning every game, though. And that's exactly what the Bedistan Lions have done so far in World Cup XIV qualifying. They're on the longest winning streak in their history, and in fact have lost only ONE of their last SEVENTEEN games, and two of their last thirty-two! That, my friends, is probably about as close to perfect as you'll ever see in the World Cup.

Hmm...reading back over what I've just written, it sounds rather egotistical. But what can I say, the Lions are hot! Oh, and they beat Aerigia today 2-1. Next up (and next down): Keyshona.

Final score:
Aerigia 1
Bedistan 2 (Neighbors 9, pen 37)

From the KaMaRi Update

Happy nation
The Orange-Blues triumphed in Hawcoat with a 3-0 victory and made the entire country happy again. After some embarrassing losses and draws, the Orange-Blues finally found back to their own strength. The Island is now on the second place of the group tables.

The country of Hawcoat is a rather strange place. In this country, happiness is compulsory, sad faces are reasons to land in jail - without trial. Perhaps this strange laws were a reason for many fans to stay home and watch the match in some place where they can shout of displeasure if the a good chance is spoiled or the opponent scores. But many hawcoatians turned up and were a vast majority despite the fact that soccer isn't that popular in Hawcoat. The Orange-Blues were told to show high simu in case of a loss or (preferably) not to lose.

The match started fast. the Orange-Blues did their best to take the lead soon. Their fierce attacks in the first minutes led to the 1:0 in the 3rd minute. The hawcoatian goalie didn't react anyhow unhappy about that, he just said: "Good shot" to Tihrana. The Hawcoatian team after that tried to equalize the score, but the rejistanian defense prevented any good chances for them during the first half. The coach tried his best to remain happy and keep on smiling, but he had much problems during this half when a good rejistanian defense and an at best crappy offense. Even when Sime Hilat extended the lead in the 40th minute, the hawcoatian coach kept smiling, but during the half-time, he exploded, well not literally, but he lost his temper, shouted at the players, banged his head on the wall and behaved generally like he was not very happy. Maybe the surpressed aggression of one happy life found its way to the surface. The hawcoatian coach and two players (who were frightened and not happy) was arrested and his co-coach was in charge of the team. In the first minute, the hawcoatians at once started an attack on the rejistnaina goal, were stopped in the midfield and the Orange-Blues now answered with a counter-attack. Tihrana was succesfull yet again. The score was 3:0. The police seemed to have waited for it and arrested a large group of fans. A hawcoatian player at that time told coach Takil'he to stop the attacks, to prevent any more arrests. Since Takil'he is against compulsory happiness, he told the players to take System Karela to an extreme. The score remained 3:0 untill the end of the match since the Hawcoatians couldn't get through the defense and no Orange-Blue left his half.

The result:
Hawcoat 0
Rejistania 3 (Tia~e 3rd 46th, Hilat 40th)

DAILY KANGAROO WORLD CUP UPDATE

The Progressans' astounding run in recent weeks has led to many already assuming qualification is assured - and while this is fallacious, it seems probable already that this will be the first successful Progressan qualifying campaign in twelve years (after missing WC13 and auto-qualifying as hosts for WC12).

So who will join them in the Emerald Heights? So far, it seems like there could be some huge surprises.

Notably, Dreyar are second in Group 2 behind the Progressans. After signalling their intent by taking the lead in the Progressair Stadium (only to lose 4-1) they have, astonishingly, been unbeaten since. GetLucky offers 5/1 they will make the Cup (from 500/1 before the qualifying) expecting a collapse but by no means discounting further success.

Tingitana have been even more of a revelation, mimicing the Progressans in winning their first six games and drawing the seventh. The performance is even more astounding considering their Puppet Cup weakness in Progressan colony The Bottom Line, and they are now as short as 11/4 to qualify with GetLucky, again in from 500/1 pre-qualifying. K1.2m has been placed on bets at varying odds for the Bedistan puppets to qualify.

Other shock sides have included The Confederate, Wella and (for underachievement) Cup of Harmony winners Melmond, no longer assisted by 'voodoo dice'. All three of these sides are now 25/1 to qualify; the former two were 500/1 and the latter 5/1 before the qualifying begun.

Secour's PK Difference in Nest Win

Controvertial Call Gives 1-0 over New Montreal States

((This actually honestly happened to my school's team last night except it was in the second session of overtime in the state semifinals. However, we did NOT win that game.))

Let's go to the commentators shall we?

Bob: well, it's late in the game, and the ref has shown a 4 for injury time. 4 minutes in injury time to go.

Jim: Yes, it looks like New Montreal States will gain a tie here and send the Nest to second behind TnUI in the group. Another middle cross to ...wait, intercepted by Horace, he moving up, takes a shot, oh just wide. goal kick.

Bob: A tie will allow the Nest to stay one of the few unbeatens in group qualifying.

Jim : Goal kick is out, and the ball is moved past the midline, onto the Nest sides, bad tackle by the Nest, no call.

Bob: they don't call things like that late.

Jim: New montreal takes a shot, off of keeper Nathan Adams and it will be a corner kick. Corner kick late.

Bob: i'd say about a minute left. this will probably be the last chance.

Jim: NMS kicks the corner, oh my, it's sailing way out of bounds. Josh Adams is going to try to make a run, not going to get there, and OH plows that NMS forward, actually Osprey is there as well, NMS sandwich, oh no, penalty!

Bob: but...it's on the NMS forward?

Jim: there's no way, I mean he just got slaughtered....he's in pain on teh ground, he got a yellow card as he lays writhing and the ref has pointed to the other box! The Nest IS getting a PK!

Bob: you've got to be kidding me.

Jim: No. Secour is going down, Adams has a bit of a limp from that shot he delivered to the NMS guy still on the ground. Secour lines up, curls it into the box...1-0 Nest.

Bob: You have GOT to be kidding me. the New Montreal fans are screaming very bad things now, and oh there's the whistle this game is over. Um, let's get out of here...I sense a riot.

Jim: yeah, good idea. Nest wins 1-0. until next game, bye.

((The refs were escorted from their locker room 2 hours AFTER the game was over by police cause of some people who wanted to talk to those refs....and oh, it was the same ref who screwed our girls team in the quarters. It's on tape, and sent to the activities association. He won't work any more games.))

Le LIBRE

Les Bleus of the past

Visiting the country of Largent, Les Bleus also had a match of football to play. Being away from home was no distraction, who had won the last away match they played against El Cid.

Starting in net once again was Yeuseuv who has combined with Rousoi to four straight matches of not letting a single goal for the opposing team. As for Largent, it would be hard for them to shut down a very powerful offence who is trying to rebound from a poor performance out of the gate.

The play began at 20:00 local time, and Les Bleus wanted to take control early. With control, Les Bleus once again, like the past matches put heavy pressure on the opponents defence. Off of a throw-in, Walker got control of the ball. He found F.C. Bruzze partner Joseuf open and passed it. Joseuf got the shot off, but it sailed high over the net. It was a close call for the home team Largent. Fans showed their hate for the poor defence of their team by throwing collector posters of a star player in the country. Play had to stop so as the groundskeepers could clean up the mess. Once play back, Les Bleus were at it again with yet another attack. This time mid-fielder Rousseau found his way through the weak defence giving it to Joseuf. This time Joseuf did not botch things up, and found the back of the net, putting Les Bleus up 1 – 0 at the 34th minute of play. As for the Largent offence, who, even though lost all 2 home matches, lost them by a 1 goal difference scoring in both of them. The Largents went on the offence keeping control of the ball in the Eauz zone for 10 minutes. The closest they came was a corner kick, which went off a Largent players head, only to be stopped by Yeuseuv. At the half, Les Bleus were up 1 – 0. The Largent fans were not very happy with the first half results of its teams and in a form of protest many fans left the match.

With a limited crowd, Les Bleus got rid of the crowd factor, and continued to concentrate on finishing the match, and possibly getting a security goal. The underachieving Largent team wanted to prove to the remaining fans they can win a home match. The Largent attacked right away after the whistle for the second half. An on net kick went high, only to be blocked by Yeuseuv. Another corner for Largent, didn’t reach the net, but a Largent player got control of it, trying to kick it. Defender Arte though got in the way of the ball to block it and Guiellem kicked it out of play. Les Bleus defence saved the shutout record. By the 70th minute, the majority of people had already left and Les Bleus used the demoralized Largent team’s problems to score the second and final goal of the match. The goal came from a shot on goal, just going past the hands of the Largent keeper. The match finished at a 2 – 0 victory for Les Bleus.





[code:1:3e4254be73]
Statistics for Largent after 6 matches: Statistics for Eauz
-Not yet won at home -Won last four
-One win in 6 matches -Four shutouts in a row
-7 points out of a possible 21 -15 points of a possible 21
-Not won away this season -Unbeaten in four matches
[/code:1:3e4254be73]

The loss brings the third straight home loss for Largent and extends the shutout streak for Les Bleus. The next match will come against surprise team The Confederate. The match will be played in Zuka. There are still tickets available, and fans are starting to come back to Le Stade d’Eauz because Les Bleus are starting to show Les Bleus of past. It will be harder for this surprise team to score a goal in Le Stade because Les Bleus have scored 8 goals for and only given up 3 in three matches there. Though, Les Bleus should not take this match lightly, because Confederates are only 2 points away from Les Bleus in third place and 3 points away from second place.

[code:1:3e4254be73]
Pos Team P W D L F A GD Pts PP
1 Brazillico 7 7 0 0 22 6 16 21 54
2 Europa Britannia 7 5 1 1 13 3 10 16 49
3 Eauz 7 5 0 2 13 5 8 15 48
4 The Confederate 7 4 1 2 16 13 3 13 46
5 EL CID THE HERO 7 3 0 4 11 14 -3 9 42
6 Largent 7 2 1 4 9 14 -5 7 40
7 Lallania 7 2 1 4 9 18 -9 7 40
8 Melmond 7 1 2 4 10 14 -4 5 38
9 The Weegies 7 1 1 5 5 12 -7 4 37
10 Oceaice 7 1 1 5 8 17 -9 4 37
[/code:1:3e4254be73]



Match Day 1: Oceaice @ Eauz W 4 - 2
Match Day 2: Europa Britannia vs Eauz L 1 - 0
Match Day 3: Eauz @ BrazillicoL 1 - 2
Match Day 4: The Weegies @ Eauz W 0 - 1
Match Day 5: Eauz @ EL CID THE HERO W 2 - 0
Match Day 6: Melmond @ Eauz W 0 - 3
Match Day 7: Eauz @ Largent W 2 - 0
Match Day 8: The Confederate @ Eauz
Match Day 9 : Eauz @ Lallania

Match Day 10: Eauz @ Oceaice
Match Day 11: Eauz @ Europa Britannia
Match Day 12: Brazillico @ Eauz
Match Day 13: Eauz @ The Weegies
Match Day 14: EL CID THE HERO @ Eauz
Match Day 15: Eauz @ Melmond
Match Day 16: Largent @ Eauz
Match Day 17: Eauz @ The Confederate
Match Day 18: Lallania @ Eauz

The Mood Setter

It’s five minutes until game time and the crowd at Kalita’s Undelay Industries Stadium is buzzing. The lights die down a bit and the video screen becomes alive. Video footage of Brazillico’s team during the golden years appears on the screen and the crowd begins to cheer. Instrumental music which one would associate with triumph, victory and glory plays on the speakers, as the footage continues. The pictures are in black and white, now of course, there were colour cameras back then, just the lack of colour really helps restore that rustic feel. On screen, Esteban de Jesus gets handed the World Cup trophy by the former Ariddian President, turns around towards his team mates and holds it in the air. The music and footage stop on that priceless still and the words “Out With The Old” in golden, Roman styled letters appears on top of the screen, followed by “In With The New” in similar styling.

The triumphant music returns as color footage of this edition’s team gets shown on the screen, to the applause of the Brazillican faithful in attendance. A cornucopia of glorious goals, scintillating saves, terrific tackles and pinpoint-accurate passes get shown as the applause only increases. The song draws to an end as different flashes of celebration get matched with the staccato sounds of the conclusion of the song, culminating with Alex and Sandro Cannon running towards each other and performing a chest bump, something which has been recognized as their trademark celebration. The screen fades to black.

The crowd once again is buzzing for a brief period of time, until the Melmondanian national side comes jogging out of the pitch from the tunnel. The Fearless Farmers are welcomed with a loud chorus of boos, while Nina Steen receives her fair share of cat-calls. Looks like the fans are on their best behaviour tonight, despite chanting “Fruity Farmers.” nothing has been thrown at the opposing side yet.

This isn’t exactly the way the FIFA Fair Play initiative drew it up, but Brazillico viewed those introductions with both teams walking out side by side, with kids docked in the opposing teams’ uniforms holding flowers a bit soft. When you stepped in to face Brazillico, you had to be ready for battle. Not only to battle the team, but the fans. If ever there was such a thing as a 12th man, you’d probably find ‘em here.

The lights completely go out in the Undelay Industries Stadium and a few girlish screams can be heard. The full moon and the stars above serve as the only source of illumination in the stadium, and serve rather pathetically at that. The darkness last for about five seconds and gets broken by a barrage of flashing red lights and lasers as “Da Rockwilder” by Method Man and Redman comes on the speakers. Those laserish sounds and Method’s “Oh My Gods” echo through the stadium as the crowd begins to cheer in anticipation. The base pulses intensify and as does the sound of the crowd. After about thirty seconds, the beat gets dropped and strobe lights flash madly from every corner of the stadium as the Chili Bats jog out of the tunnel. The crowd are on their feet and roar massively as a few players start dribbling balls and taking shots on net. This “warming up” goes on for about another ninety seconds, as the flashing lights and the music dies out. Both sides line up and face the west side of the stadium.

PA Announcer: Please rise for the singing of the national anthems.

The PA Announcer hands the microphone to a girl with a fair, dark complexion, whom one would estimate to be around 16. She takes a deep breath and starts to sing the Melmond national anthem. The anthem comes to a close as the young girl belts out those last few high notes, with some disrespectful fans (the more intoxicated ones) booing loudly at the end. However, most in attendance give a courtesy clap.

Then it becomes time for the Brazillican national anthem and the mood of the stadium changes drastically. The young girl with the microphone is no longer going solo, as 80,000 Brazillicans help her out with their national anthem. During the last two lines of the song, the chorus dies out a bit and gradually gets replaced by cheering. As the singer holds that last note, she is alone in singing once again as the applause reaches a crescendo. Chili Bats and Fearless Farmers jog to their positions and we’re ready to go. Game on.

[code:1:4da65bbcaa]
L. Cannon(22)

Damon(2) McCosh(5) Hilario(10) R. Cannon(6)

Maracana(8)

Pink(7) F. Cannon(4)

Junior Socrates(9)

S. Cannon(11) A. Cannon(14)[/code:1:4da65bbcaa]

Statwanking League sponsored by IRACI [Insanician Reckless Arms Casting Inc.]

#1 NE Lovebug
#2 == TnUI
#3 \/2 KP

Lovebug shot up the charts today unveiling the kind of statwanking not seen for decades. TnUI managed to retain their place in second running sims for U21 and altering the ranking system. Meanwhile KP fall to their lowest place since the invention of KPB.

Vilita 1 - 1 TB


Vilita stun Group Leaders, only to lose composure at the end.


An early strike from captain Santo Kecker looked to have the Vilita Jungle Cats on course to send TB crashing to their first defeat of the qualfiying campaign, and send the Vilitan campaign back on track. However, The class of TB was rewarded in the final 10 minutes as a late burst produced an equalizer. Further news to follow....

OOC: I must apologise for lack of RP, MDs 6, 7 and 8 will come together.

OOC: I must apologise for lack of RP, MDs 7, 8 and 9 will come together.

Sorry for DP.

The Bedistan Sports Digest

Yes, We Won Again
Lions one of three teams with 100% records

Stan Dupp in Midway for Bedistan 2-1 Keyshona

By now, I'm pretty sure all of you reading this newspaper know what a win sounds, looks, and feels like. After all, we've won every single one of the first eight matches of World Cup XIV qualifying. So I'll spare you the details and just tell you we beat Keyshona 2-1. For the statisticians among you, this is Bedistan's fifth 2-1 victory of the campaign.

Final score:
Bedistan 2 (Abair 33, Cooke 74)
Keyshona 1 (53)

-------------

Statwanking League sponsored by IRACI [Insanician Reckless Arms Casting Inc.]

#1 NE Lovebug
#2 == TnUI
#3 \/2 KP

Lovebug shot up the charts today unveiling the kind of statwanking not seen for decades. TnUI managed to retain their place in second running sims for U21 and altering the ranking system. Meanwhile KP fall to their lowest place since the invention of KPB.

Waitaminute, I should be on that list somewhere -- I've spent most of this week porting my C domestic league results generator into Visual Basic. :P

Da Deor den Tinçitana

Bakara Charged with Embezzlement

SAVANA -- Following Tingitana's inconcievable 3-2 defeat of the Belmore Family in Alan City today, Taré Bakara, Tingitana's Guy in Charge of Sports, was arrested outside his home and charged with embezzlement. Police say Bakara has siphoned off over 4 million denarii from the national treasury and secretly shipped it to an unknown location in Snub Nose 38. What exactly these events have to do with each other we do not know at this time, but a full investigation into the matter is underway. The only clue so far appears to be a note on Bakara's desk with the words* "AOAB" and "chickens" written on it.

* All right, so one's an acronym. Who cares? ;)

EARLY EVENING MATCH-UP ENDS IN A 1-1 TIE

By
KONI KORNHEISER (Lovebug Associated Daily Press)
http://media.washingtonpost.com/wp-srv/liveonline/images/kornheiser_tony_l.jpg

It was 6 PM yesterday afternoon when the Bulldog’s Head Coach Roos Terrace was awakened in the middle of a much needed nap after the Bulldog long and arduous journey to The Liberal Republic of Alex The Tall located centrally in the diminutive region known as Hobo Joe City (founder Cracker jacker, and home to only 8 nations). This Inoffensive Centrist Democracy is home to 1.153 billion citizens, a large number of whom were in attendance at the match-up due to the fact that the government allows it major cities to shut down for such events. This forced devoted Lovebug fans that had made the trip to watch the game from the nose-bleed seats with Giant Binoculars provided by Lovebug’s Outdoor Madness Hut. But in any case as I was saying Coach Roos was quite surprisingly awakened shortly after arriving at the teams hotel by a representative for the Tall Tiger’s side…

COACH ROOS: *Yawns* Hellooo, what do you want?

REP: “Uh, is this the coach of the Bulldogs”

COAH ROOS: Yeah, what’s this about? I’m trying to get some sleep before tonight’s match-up.

REP: That’s what I’m calling about, sir you do know that warm-ups have already begun and that the game is on in 30 min.

COACH ROOS: *Looks at alarm clock* What are you talking about its only 5:30, games don’t start til 9:00.

REP: No one informed you…sir according to our nations laws no sports event can go on past 9 PM, that’s why we start at 6 PM.

COACH ROOS: WHAAAAAAAAAAAAT! I GOTTA GO! *LETS THE PHONE DROP FROM HIS HAND*

REP: COACH, COACH…*HANGS UP PHONE*

COACH ROOS: *RUNS UP AND DOWN THE CORRIDOR KNOCKING ON ALL THE DOORS* WAKE UP, WAKE UP EVERBODY THE GAME STARTS IN 30 MINUTES – LETS GO! *BULLDOG Players exit their rooms in highly groggy states, most barely dressed*


Robin "Swift" Birde (2nd team Goalie) http://www.football-rumours.com/images/paulrobinsonleeds.jpg: Coach, what’s going on.

COACH ROOS: NO TIME TO TALK, WAKE EVERYBODY UP, IF WE DON’T GET TO THAT FIELD IN 30 MINUTES OR LESS, WE’RE FREE….NO WAIT THAT’S PIZZA….IF WE DON’T GET THERE, WE FORFEIT….NOW MOVE IT.

The team managed to make it to the field with only minutes to spare, and no time to warm up…and barely enough time to get dressed. To put it mildly the team was off their game for most of the first half, except Star Goalie Bear "the Claw" Woods http://www.football-rumours.com/images/frankdeboer.jpg who only allowed 1 of the Tigers 15 attempts at the goal make it into the net. Woods has been known to go days without sleep, having served several years in the Lovebug Army, he knows the importance of keeping your eyes on the enemy. The Bulldogs went into the half time groggy and with little hopes of pulling out a victory…Coach Roos on the other hand refused to give up – each and every player spent that ten minutes in a cold shower…if that doesn’t wake you up I DON”T KNOW WHAT WILL. So the dogs re-entered the field more refreshed than every ready to give it their all. Defensively the team held it together not allowing the Tiger’s to score again during the match-up. Excellent work done by Marley http://www.football-rumours.com/images/EricSabin.jpg, BeNimble http://www.football-rumours.com/images/thomashitzlsperger.jpg, and Roo http://www.football-rumours.com/images/mohammedkallon1.JPG. Offensively the dogs managed to tie it up but not overcome the Tigers…ten minutes into the second half Pella "Cannon" Dylan http://www.football-rumours.com/images/gustavolopez.jpg showed why he got his nickname by shooting one hard and fast straight into the Tigers net. The Tigers and Bulldogs would leave the field as equals each managing to put a point and only a point on the board – we shall see them again, this time at home, at the normal hr during week 17. The dogs are now 3-1-4 in WC 14 play. Tomorrow, they play Carpet at home for the final game in the first half of the tournament. And Congrats go out to the Lovebug Statisticians for their EXCELLENT WORK in bringing LOVEBUG to the TOP of TNUI's STATWANKING (whatever that means) LEAGUE!

And here is your Random WC14 Fact for the Day - their are only 4 teams left without a single win on the board - Holy India, Hawcoat, Presegrief, and Raptor Claw.

Congrats to today's Group 8 winners Dadostan, Tingitana,and Spaam.

Turnia City Tribune

Associated Press

AT LAST, A DRAW! NASTIC 2 1 - 1 Turnia

It was a long time in coming for the Dragons after 6 straight opeing losses, but finally in the Game 7 qualifier, a single point was earned. Yes, it may be only 1 point, however it is the most important point in the Drangons' young life. "Woooohooo! A draw! I can honestly say I have never been more excited with a draw in my career!", said team captian J.S. Turner. And HC Odle chimed in, "Yes, it is only a draw, but considering how this team started, I have never been more proud."

After the draw, citizens of Turnia City flooded the streets in celebration. Chants of "dragons... dragons" echoed in the air. Said one bar owner, "If this is how the nation reacts over a draw, I can only imagine what will happen after a win." Indeed. President General Turner as alerted all local authorities to beef up patrols for designated post-game times.

AP

Nest Win Boring Game 1-0

Players Health All Important

After the lucky turn against GmM, the Nest returned home for a nice home game against celler dweller Presgreif. Striker Josh Adams opened up with a goal 3 minutes in, and then the team played keep away, did some conditioning drills, and then after halftime subbed in many substitutes as they were allowed to rest some players and allowed the game to end at a 1-0 win.

"We could have scored 7, but coach decided to get the win and rest everyone. Not a bad strategy...we really don't care about the stats anyway," said striker Josh Adams.

Tomorrow's game at Larkikia will end the first rotation through the group. Expect a nice analysis show when that game is over.

The Eagle's Nest Quaification Run


The Eagle's Nest vs. Kendelstand Win 4-0
The Eagle's Nest @ Audioslavia Tie 1-1
The Eagle's Nest vs. New Luca Win 5-3
The Eagle's Nest vs. Total n Utter Insanity Win 1-0
The Eagle's Nest @ East Spaam Win 4-2
The Eagle's Nest vs. Grand master Mark Win 2-1
The Eagle's Nest @ New Montreal States Win 1-0
The Eagle's Nest vs. Presgreif Win 1-0
The Eagle's Nest @ Larkikia
The Eagle's Nest @ Kendelstand
The Eagle's Nest vs. Audioslavia
The Eagle's Nest @ New Luca
The Eagle's Nest @ Total n Utter Insanity
The Eagle's Nest vs. East Spaam
The Eagle's Nest @ Grand master Mark
The Eagle's Nest vs. New Montreal States
The Eagle's Nest @ Presgreif
The Eagle's Nest vs. Larkikia

[code:1:9ae74422d8]
Group 1 UN-official standings

Pos Team P W D L F A GD Pts PP
1 The Eagles Nest 8 7 1 0 19 7 12 22 52
2 Total n Utter Insanity 8 6 1 1 17 5 12 19 49
3 Audioslavia 8 5 2 1 12 8 4 17 47
4 Grand master Mark 8 4 1 3 16 13 3 13 43
5 New Montreal States 8 3 1 4 17 15 2 10 40
6 East Spaam 8 2 2 4 13 12 1 8 38
7 Larkinia 8 2 2 4 10 12 -2 8 38
8 Kendelstand 8 2 1 5 7 15 -8 7 37
9 New Luca 8 2 1 5 7 18 -11 7 37
10Presgreif 8 0 2 6 4 17 -13 2 32
[/code:1:9ae74422d8]

This game marked the Eagle's Nest 50th international match. Their record so far:

[code:1:9ae74422d8]
Record:
P W D L GF GA GD
Home: 22 14 4 4 34 14 +20
Away: 20 10 7 3 33 14 +19
Neutral: 8 4 2 2 10 7 +3
-----------------------------------------
Total: 50 28 13 9 77 35 +42
[/code:1:9ae74422d8]

Turnia City Tribune

Associated Press

THE MONKEY IS GONE! TURNIA WINS FIRST GAME!

Turnia 3 - 0 Anitram

"The monkey is finally of our backs!", exclaimed HC Odle. That it is, as it would appear his "on the fly" changes to the line-up have given the team a jump start. Combine that with the stellar goal keeping by Donald Heinz, the Dragons blanked Anitram 3-0 in Game 8 action.

The Dragons have slowly but steadily improved with each game:
Game 1-- The Lowland Clans 4 - 1 Turnia (L)
Game 2-- (L) Turnia 2 - 3 The Republican Army
Game 3-- Liverpool England 1 - 0 Turnia (L)
Game 4-- (L) Turnia 2 - 3 Winged Animals
Game 5-- Mattigool 2 - 1 Turnia (L)
Game 6-- (L) Turnia 1 - 2 New Kingman
Game 7-- NASTIC 2 1 - 1 Turnia (D)
Game 8-- (W) Turnia 3 - 0 Anitram

GF average-- 1.38 GA average-- 2.00
Record 1-6-1 -5GD 4pts

The coaching staff could be heard after the game lecturing the team to not get overly excited by the last 2 games. It is very important for the Dragons to keep a level head and build upon the current momentum if the team has any hope of climbing out of its early hole.

With the added police presence, celebrations across the nation remained peaceful, with only a few arrests and minor injuries to revellers reported. We had hoped to have full access to the team, but in the team excitment, the coaching staff felt it best to pass on the press conference and issue the lone statement above. Disappointing, but understandable considering the outcome and situation. Further reports will come as we receive them.

AP

OOC: We're third? I've scarcely statted this Cup. (By my standards... :twisted: )

IC from the Kangaroo:

TRIPLE THREAT SEES STEVE'S ISLANDERS SHIPWRECKED

Kaze Progressa's dominant run through qualifying continues with a 3-0 defeat of Steve's Island. They proved completely dominant throughout, with goals in the first half from Ertal Lubbarez (of the Progressan club Islanders, ironically enough) and Craita Weseydal supplemented by a late third from substitute Batia Bolidae-Baek.

The 'party on!' attitude of Steve's Island left them exposed in defence, where they were anything but 'excellent!'.

Shang-Ti National News Agency –

TIGRES BLUNT THE MIGHTY SPURS, TWIGGY BACK

The Shang-Ti Tigres won their second match of the World Cup 14 Qualifying Rounds yesterday in their moderately easy 2-3 win over The Mighty Spurs.

Team Captain, and Forward, Steven Chui led the way with two goals during minutes 15 and 35. Goal one was a solid drive with minimal assistance from the Midfield, showcasing Chui’s lightening ball-handling. Chui again assisted Shin Gong’Xi with his goal during minute 72.

Goal Keeper Michael “Twiggy” Peters made his way back into the lineup for this match. It was his first after receiving serious bruising and lacerations during the recent match against Nanakaland. He seemed in top shape during the first half of the match, denying The Mighty Spurs. However, he seemed to wane during the second half, allowing one relatively easy goal during minute 65; and again in minute 83.

Coach Stuart Lin was pleased with Twiggy’s performance overall, “Look, it was his first game back after receiving some terrible punishment (from his own Defender). I’m not surprised he took it a little easy with a solid lead. However, we are going to have a talk about keeping focus. Don’t get me wrong though, he’s still our number one spot.”

With this win, Shang-Ti moves up relatively mid-pack in Group 9 performance with an unofficial total of 9 points being 2-2-4. Gesamtkuntswerk and One Red Dot are tied at first of Group 9 with 22 ponts, and Giant Zucchini rounds out the top 3 with 18 points.

Le LIBRE

Une Belle vie pour Les Bleus

Ever since starting off with 1 win and two loses, Les Bleus have yet to look back at their problem, and have seemed to have fixed what was ailing them. Les Bleus came into this match on a four game unbeaten streak and were hungry for more. The match would pit Les Bleus at home against The Confederate who have played well, but are starting to slip down the ranks. Les Bleus also wanted to distance themselves between the Confederate in the standings.

It was reported that the attendance at the match was 64,387 fans, a major improvement from the last home match. The match started and the confederate went on the offence early, stealing the ball away from Les Bleus. A Confederate mid-fielder got deep into Les Bleus zone, passing it to a forward. The forward shot the ball, only to hit the post of the net. A close moment for the Confederate. This scare got the offence of Eauz started in a hurry. Off of another strong attack by the Confederate, Yeuseuv kicked the ball deep in to the Confederate zone to relieve the pressure on him. Joseuf got control of the ball passing it to Rousseu who notched the first goal of the match for Les Bleus at the 41st minute of play. The powerful Eauz offence once again came through powering over the opponent. The match ended at a 1 – 0 lead for Les Bleus.

***Advertisement from the Communist Party of Eauz***
Lately, there have been advertisements promoting Oglethorpia as a tourist destination and a place to live. Please do NOT listen to these advertisements because they were illegally broadcasted into Eauz, and those evil capitalists are just trying to show you pictures that actually don’t exists in capitalist societies.

Thank you…
Communist Party of Eauz
***Advertisement from the Communist Party of Eauz***

Once the great Eauz offence came back, it didn’t stop there, as it exploded into more pressure on the Confederate zone. Of the first 10 minutes of the match, Les Bleus were able to keep the ball in the Confederate zone. During the 50th minute of play Soiy got a hold of the ball shooting it high into the right corner past a diving Confederate keeper. Les Bleus went up 2 – 0. They got their security goal, but that did not stop Les Bleus. Moving to the 74th minute of play, Les Bleus had reclaimed control of the ball, sending an attack down the field. The first shot was stopped by the keeper, but he could not keep it in control and it went right infront of Rousseu who pushed the ball into the net, putting Les Bleus up by a score of 3 – 0. The confederate team, who had been playing well, were completely embarrassed by Les Bleus. Fans were cheering with excitement over the amazing run Les Bleus have going.

Coaches Comments: Wow, our team is on a high, I think we can finish the first half off with another win. Oh yeh, it’s nice to hear that the Eauz government is giving a little advertisement against those immoral capitalist governments in Oglethorpia.


[code:1:40785d33bc]
Statistics for The Confederate: Statistics for Eauz
-Unbeaten at home -Won last five
-13 points out of possible 24 -Five shutouts in a row
-7 points out of a possible 21 -18 points of a possible 24
-Unbeaten in five matches
[/code:1:40785d33bc]


[code:1:40785d33bc]
Pos Team P W D L F A GD Pts PP
1 Brazillico 8 8 0 0 24 6 18 24 54
2 Europa Britannia 8 6 1 1 15 4 11 19 49
3 Eauz 8 6 0 2 16 5 11 18 48
4 The Confederate 8 4 1 3 16 16 0 13 43
5 EL CID THE HERO 8 3 0 5 11 15 -4 9 39
6 Largent 8 2 1 5 10 16 -6 7 37
7 The Weegies 8 2 1 5 6 12 -6 7 37
8 Oceaice 8 2 1 5 10 17 -7 7 37
9 Lallania 8 2 1 5 9 20 -11 7 37
10 Melmond 8 1 2 5 10 16 -6 5 35
[/code:1:40785d33bc]



Match Day 1: Oceaice @ Eauz W 4 - 2
Match Day 2: Europa Britannia vs Eauz L 1 - 0
Match Day 3: Eauz @ BrazillicoL 1 - 2
Match Day 4: The Weegies @ Eauz W 0 - 1
Match Day 5: Eauz @ EL CID THE HERO W 2 - 0
Match Day 6: Melmond @ Eauz W 0 - 3
Match Day 7: Eauz @ Largent W 2 - 0
Match Day 8: The Confederate @ Eauz W 0 - 2
Match Day 9 : Eauz @ Lallania

Match Day 10: Eauz @ Oceaice
Match Day 11: Eauz @ Europa Britannia
Match Day 12: Brazillico @ Eauz
Match Day 13: Eauz @ The Weegies
Match Day 14: EL CID THE HERO @ Eauz
Match Day 15: Eauz @ Melmond
Match Day 16: Largent @ Eauz
Match Day 17: Eauz @ The Confederate
Match Day 18: Lallania @ Eauz

From the KaMaRi Update

The Crystal Method
The Orange-Blues defeated Crystilakere in the Karela lines 'stadium', honestly only a grass pitch in the center of Karela, which is one of the countless suburbs of KaMaRi kali (which really means: Kalimnintan-Maiju-Riandu, but no one wants to write it). The number of visitors is the number of people who can stand besides the pitch. The number of visitors reached the predicted all-time-low since no fans of the Crystals found the way to the southwest of KaMaRi kali and the Orange-Blue fans were not that interested in a must-win match were the question only is how high the opponent loses.

The Crystilakere Crystals shocked everyone when they nearly had the first chance of the match, fortunately their bold attempt to score in the first minute was parried by Nana Daki without any problems. The Orange-Blue substitutes who played, among them Jisu Seijl, had no problems dominating the Crystals how ever they had problems transforming their dominance into valuable chances or to convert the chances they had. So it was mere luck that Jisu Sejil brought the Orange-Blues ahead with a header, which the Crystal goalie couldn't hold. The Orange-Blues fans cheered. The second goal was archieved by Syku Syliju in a free kick.

Coach Laxtu Takil said Jisu Sejil would have good chances to advance into the national team, but did not reveal more information. A fan commented: "The athmosphere here is much better when Karela [lines] plays against Sen[-La-Sa~o Relekhati]"

The result:
Rejistania 2 (Sejil 35th, Syliju 76th)
Crystilakere 0

DSR
Druid
Sports
Review

Ian Question-Mark's half way report on the Druids' WC14 qualifying campaign

Before qualifying started, most Druid fans didn't appear to have much to look forward to. Put in a group of stronger teams, bogey teams and potential banana skins, things were shaping up for another poor qualifying run, with another bottom-half of the group finish expected, including various losses against unrecognised teams, while occasionally surprising one of the big guns.

However, it hasn't panned out that way. So far, it seems like an average qualifying run, which by Druid standards is pretty fantastic. They are unbeaten at home, yet struggle when they leave The Hole. Against the good they lose, against the not-so-good they don't. So how have the team that have been the most unpredictable for the last fifteen years or so suddenly become so predictable?

Well, for one, this is the first full qualifying campaign that the Druids have had a single stadium that they can call 'home.' The Hole is not the most pleasant place to come for visiting fans and players alike. The unique atmosphere of 75,000 over-excited Druids, being 200 metres underground and also enclosed under the hot tin roof. It makes the place uncomfortable for anyone not used to the place. However, the Druids seem equally uncomfortable when visiting anywhere else in the world, with an away record as bad as their home record is good. If only the could correct this, then maybe they could make themselves a force to be reckoned with.

Another factor is that they are no longer underestimated by anyone, and they don't seem to underestimate anyone themselves. In days gone by, it was customary for the Druids to do well against a few higher ranked teams (drawing with Bedistan in WC11Q and beating Halfassedstates in WC12Q and Audioslavia in WC13Q being the biggest surprises), while they ended up losing to complete nonentities (the worst example of which being the 4-0 defeat at the hands of Athamasha, who no-one have heard of since.) They all know who the Druids are now, and so the more experienced teams are well prepared, while the lesser teams are treated the same by the Druids.

So that explains that. But the question we are all asking is, "Do the Druids have any chance of qualifying?"

As ever, the answer seems to be a resounding "no". They simply don't have enough to beat the top three teams, as they proved the first time they came across them, while the chances of a Druid slip-up against a lesser team is much greater than one of the top three. Despite being in a promising fourth place, the gap to the qualifying positions is already five points, and only looks as if it will grow.

The Druids' qualifying campaign so far...

[code:1:576b58035d]Results:

NEWI Cefn Druids 4-0 The Evil Umpire
Holy lndia 2-2 NEWI Cefn Druids
NEWI Cefn Druids 3-1 Tepalguana
Halfassedstates 1-0 NEWI Cefn Druids
NEWI Cefn Druids 1-1 Ravenspire
Snub Nose 38 2-0 NEWI Cefn Druids
NEWI Cefn Druids 2-1 Airenguo
NEWI Cefn Druids 2-1 The Redavic Union
Pablicosta 0-0 NEWI Cefn Druids


Table:

Table - Group 3 P W D L GF GA GD
Snub Nose 38 9 9 0 0 21 4 +17 27
Halfassedstates 9 7 0 2 16 9 +7 21
Ravenspire 9 6 2 1 14 8 +6 20
NEWI Cefn Druids 9 4 3 2 14 9 +5 15
Airenguo 9 4 0 5 14 13 0 12
Tepalguana 9 2 3 4 13 18 -5 9
The Evil Umpire 9 3 0 6 15 22 -7 9
Pablicosta 9 2 2 5 10 14 -4 8
The Redavic Union 9 2 1 6 15 19 -4 7
Holy lndia 9 0 1 8 6 22 -16 1

Top scorers:

Greaves 4
Gessemschmitthaagen-Po 3
Frederiksson 3
Belmore 2
Kallins 1
Leyghton 1[/code:1:576b58035d]

...and remember, for all the latest news on the Druids, get The Daily Druid every day.

Totally Freakin’ Weird!
Battle With Gurg Overshadows Bad News For Melmond
By Dita Dutch of the Acosta Chronicle

KALITA, BRAZILLICO—This reporter has never seen such an alive and emotionally charged atmosphere. Undelay Industries Stadium in Kalita, Brazillico was 80,000 full and very ready to cheer their Chili Bats on against the hated Fearless Farmers. The Melmond National Team was treated to an expected Brazillico welcome, a loud chorus of boos and some catcalls for now international sex symbol Nina Steen. There were chants of “Fruity Farmers.” That really didn’t bother the Melmond side, as Melmond is a rather queer-positive nation and fruit is one of the many things our actual farmers grow. The game was about to start when an urgent bulletin from the Brazillico PA, “Good news Brazillicans! The late Gurg will not be refereeing this match, you heard right! The LATE Gurg! He perishes in a Crash Cheap Airways plane crash, substituting for Gurg tonight, Lupin “Slow Whistle” Miroku of Lovebug!” A huge cheer ripples through Undelay Industries Stadium, this looks like Brazillico’s night as they take on the Forsaken Farmers.
The match starts off with a Brazillico attack. Brazillico Midfielder Filipo Cannon weaved through the Melmond midfield with an absolutely dazzling display of dribbling. He believes he finds his brother Alex Cannon wide open, but Melmond defender Kestrel Bluesummers comes out of nowhere to make the interception and the long clear to ease the defensive pressure off. As she jogged to get into position, referee Miroku pinched the butt of the rather attractive Bluesummers. Kestrel Bluesummers explodes, “What the (expletive) are you doing pervert!” Bluesummers then smacks Miroku. Referee Lupin “Slow Whistle” Miroku replies, “How dare you smack a referee! Here is a nice shiny red card for you!” The crowd goes insane as only five minutes after the beginning of the match; Melmond is already down a player.
Brazillico’s defence was very impenetrable as the lineup put out was not only effective for beating up officials, but very alert and physical as well. The strikers who matched up well with them, the physical Mornakh the Bloody Handed and the air force of Chris Owen, were not able to get any chances as the Melmond midfield was smothered by the larger than usually Brazillico defence and midfield.
Brazillico was on the attack at the 42nd minute. The Melmond defence was playing surprisingly well. But the defence was about to falter as Junior Socrates sidesteps a challenge from Melmond defender Phael Survigosis. He finds an open Alex Cannon. Alex Cannon shoots…he scores! Brazillico scores its first goal of the match and the crowd goes nuts. But wait a minute…there is a whistle after the ball passed the net, the off-side flag is up! The chorus of cheers quickly turns into a chorus of boos. An irate Alex Cannon confronts Referee Miroku, “What the (expletive) was that…if there is an off-side, blow the whistle!” Alex Cannon bumps the referee in an attempt of intimidation. Referee Lupin “Slow Whistle” Miroku responds, “How dare you bump the referee..here is a red card of your own!” The boos grow even louder as Alex Cannon is sent off and the Chili Bats were down to ten as well. The half ended scoreless.
During halftime, Brazillico came up with a brilliant strategy. They now know that referee Miroku is a lecher. The best defender Melmond has to offer is Nina Steen. The sexiest player on the field is Nina Steen. Nina Steen won’t want to be sexually harassed by the referee. So they made all their offensive attacks near the referee as Nina Steen wants to stay away from the referee.
At the 57th minute, the amazingly talented Chili Bats showed the brilliance of the strategy as Junior Socrates makes a pass to the player closest to the referee, the other Cannon twin. Nina Steen is not there to disrupt the cross, Junior Socrates runs toward the ball and flies through the air to put the header in as Nina Steen could not catch up to the speedy Socrates. The ball gets past Melmond goalkeeper Snhp Xtfuinxm. Brazillico gets the lead 1-nil as the crowd feels justified.
At the 69th minute, Brazillico earned a corner kick. The corner kick was aimed for the player nearest to the referee, which was tall defender Damon, who was able to make the header with ease past goalkeeper Snhp Xtfuinxm. The crowd is in absolute festival mode as Brazillico takes the 2-nil lead. Brazillico controlled the tempo until the 83rd minute, when a heavily burned man in a referee uniform stumbles through the tunnel with an eerie look on his face. “IT’S GURG!!!” a terrified fan shouts! The fans run for the exits.
Gurg is not alive, but not quite dead either. He became a zombie to achieve his ultimately goal, to see Brazillico lose. “Must….make….Brazillico…Lose!” he yells in a monstrous voice as he rifles red cards engulfed in flames at every Brazillico player he can see. Brazillicans Todd Pink and Paul Hilario look at each other. Pink asks, “Ready to (expletive) up another referee.” Hilario quickly replies, “Yep!” As they were about to waylay the undead Gurg, Melmond defender Nina Steen coyly asks, “May I help?” She then swiftly kicks undead Gurg in the nether regions, a kick that would hurt any male, alive or undead. Todd Pink and Paul Hilario, joined by rather well built Melmondian Snhp Xtfuinxm started beating the undead crap out of Gurg. The Gurg ordeal was ended by an HRM3 spell by one of the white mages brought by the Melmond Football Association as Gurg was terminated for good…hopefully. By the time the ordeal was over, the game was over as well. Brazillico beats Melmond 2-nil.
Manager Felix Coostatlwak is disappointed by the loss, but encouraged by the fight they put up against Gurg. The feeling soften the blow of the announcement that Melmond had to pull out its bid to host World Cup 15 due to lack of funds and fan interest. Manager Felix Coostatlwak reportedly asked Brazillico coach Dr. Horatio Cosmo if he wanted to go out for a couple pints of Hareida Gold. It is not known whether he took up the offer.

Goals
Socrates, BRA 57th
Damon, BRA 69th

Cards
Bluesummers, MEL 5th
A. Cannon, BRA 42nd
Cards thrown by Gurg do not count

Standings

Other Group 10 Results
Oceaice 2 – Lallania 0
Eauz 3 – The Confederate 0
Europa Brittania 2 – Largent 1
The Weegies 1 – EL CID THE HERO 0

[code:1:7b6f172c6c]Group 10
Pts W D L GF:GA GD
1. Brazillico 24 8 0 0 24:6 18
2. Europa Brittania 19 6 1 1 15:4 11
3. Eauz 18 6 0 2 16:5 11
4. The Confederate 13 4 1 3 16:16 0
5. EL CID THE HERO 9 3 0 5 11:15 -4
6. Largent 7 2 1 5 10:16 -6
7. The Weegies 7 2 1 5 6:12 -6
8. Oceaice 7 2 1 5 10:17 -7
9. Lallania 7 2 1 5 9:20 -11
10. Melmond 5 1 2 5 10:16 -6[/code:1:7b6f172c6c]

Melmond Team Stats
Goals: Goals: Chris Owen (4), Critandi Unne (2), Mornakh the Bloody Handed (2), Benjamin Leeb (1)
Cards: Chris Owen (1), Kestrel Bluesummers (1), Scott Cheney (1)

The Melmond National Team Schedule

@ EL CID THE HERO L 2-1
@ Oceaice T 1-1
v Largent (Microcosm Stadium, Aldi) W 3-0
@ The Confederate T 3-3
v Lallania (Xpress Counsel Field, Cali) L 3-2
@ Eauz L 3-0
v Europa Brittania (Feliz-Unne Stadium, Unne) L 2-0
@ Brazillico L 2-0
v The Weegies (Frankndottir Stadium, Acosta)
v EL CID THE HERO (Woocat Books Ballpark, O’Connor)
v Oceaice (Lifedonations Stadium, Morales)
@ Largent
v The Confederate (MPNK Stadium, Faasen)
@ Lallania
v Eauz (White Bread Dome, Suburbia)
@ Europa Brittania
v Brazillico (Melmond Bowl, Melmond City)
@ The Weegies

Next Game
vs. The Weegies (Frankndottir Stadium, Acosta)

The Forsaken Farmers have officially hit rock bottom. It is in last place in the first time since their first game ever. Considering that this team was expected to qualify for the World Cup, this has to be one of the worst underachieving stories in NationStates Football history. Melmond has a three match homestand against beatable opponents. Their first match is against fellow doomed side The Weegies, who are underachieving a little less than Melmond. Despite their struggling, The Weegies are still considered the toughest side of the three game homestand. If there ever was a time for the Forsaken Farmers to show the world and most importantly their countrymen that they have talent, it’s right now. Manager Felix Coostatlwak will use their original starting lineup with the exception of Benjamin Leeb, where leading scorer Chris Owen still has the starting spot he earned.

GK- Snhp Xtfuinxm
D- Jonsi Torrini
D- Sergio Ortiz
D- Scott Cheney
D- Nina Steen
M- Martin Goodwin
M- Critandi Unne
M- Camui Arai
M- Cristina Antunez
F- Mornakh the Bloody Handed
F- Chris Owen

Frankndottir Stadium
Location: Acosta, Melmond
Seats: 37,176 (Open Air)

Acosta is Melmond’s seventh largest city and possibly one of Melmond’s most majestic cities. Acosta’s crystal clear skies and its glacial and mountainous background makes it a tourist attraction for nature lovers. Finally, Acosta football fans, or what’s left of them after the metamorphosis from Fearless to Forsaken, can enjoy that grandeur from their own outdoor football specific stadium. Frankdottir Stadium was a stadium where many college and semi-pro sports events happened. It got a facelift and an five times the seating so the Melmond Premier League’s Acosta Browns can make their home there. There are no more kazoos due to the fact that Walla Pharmacy is not involved with the team anymore. Also the kazoos aren’t as effective in an outdoor place. What will be given out are rally farmer hats. There will be an exorcism featuring the world famous dancing woocats at halftime. Plenty of tickets available!

Melmondians Undercover!
The Evil Umpire Announces Possession of Voodoo Dice
By AREYOUCRAZYDOYOUREALLYTHINKIAMGOINGTOGIVEOUTMYNAMETHEYWILLKILLME

UNDISCLOSED LOCATION, THE EVIL UMPIRE-- After The Evil Umpire side was done being pelted with rocks and garbage after losing to Snub Nose 38 3-0, 8-Bit, self-proclaimed ruler of all had an announcement to make.
"I present to you....VOODOO DICE!" The crowd gasps. With these dice, we shall soon crawl up the World Cup latter and destroy any team that gets in our way...HA HA HA HA HA!" Cheers abound chanting "8-Bit! 8-Bit"
"This would have not have been possible without the efforts of a great The Evil Umpire patriot, the Vamphir Tea Bag!" Cheers abound for The Evil Umpire mascot as they chant "Vamphir Tea Bag! Vamphir Tea Bag!"
"He went to Costa Lot and fought against operatives from Melmond, Svecia, The Eagle's Nest, Audioslavia, Brazillico, and Liverpool England to get these babies but we won them!" More jingoistic cheering.
"But that is not all," 8-Bit continues, "we have found a new comrade who was near death when the Vamphir Tea Bag found him, bring him out!"
The crowd was stunned silent as they find out the Holy India Tea Bag still lives after being dumped into a volcano on Steve's Island. He has a new steamed look now
"WE NOW HAVE TWO MASCOTS, THE VAMPHIR TEA BAG AND THE HOLY INDIA TEA BAG, WITH THAT AND THE VOODOO DICE, THE CUP IS OURS! HA HA HA HA HA HA!!!!!"
Gee great, The Evil Umpire now has its terrible tea bags of dooms to trip the world and end careers. Melmondian Goddess help us all.

After Brazillico's solid but unspectacular 1-0 victory over Largent, Dr. Horatio Cosmo was in no mood to talk. Still feeling the ill-effects of a brew-ha-ha with Melmond manager Felix Coostatlwak at The Romping Frog, one of Kalita's most popular night spots.

All that can be said about this match is that the red card Alex Cannon recieved badly hurt the Chili Bats' potent counterattack. Octavio Quintana, the 17 year old striker who recently signed with Polyesterhampton FC, showed he is still a little while away from dominating on the global scene. No one is questioning his potential, just he's more of a striker than a winger and had a hard time adapting to the Truncated Lawn Dart for 90 Minutes. As a result, he was substitued by Anthony Trevors in the 57th. Of course, none of this really matters as Brazillico collects the victory and Quintana collects some valuable experience.

Brazillico 1 S. Cannon (34)
Largent 0

Leading Scorers
A. Cannon 9
S. Cannon 7
J. Socrates 4
F. Cannon 2
Three tied at 1

OOC - Yeah, sorry about the slack RP there. 11-hour shift at work today + End of Semester + Gotta wake up early tomorrow to make it to Mother's Day Brunch = Crappy RP. My classes end on Tuesday so I should pick it up a bit after that.

Liverpool England world Cup 14 Qualifying - MD7-9 Update

[code:1:6c14d86f2d]MD7 The Republican Army 2:0 Liverpool England
MD8 Liverpool England 2:0 Winged Animals
MD9 New Kingman 0:4 Liverpool England[/code:1:6c14d86f2d]

Two wins and a loss - an ideal way to end the first half of qualifying, with a 7-0-2 record. In Liverpool England English, seven wins and two losses.

Scoring six and conceding two, the highlight of the three matches was the New Kingman away win - 4-0, with a hat-trick from Joseph Granigen and a disastrous own goal from the New Kingman goalkeeper - a lob over his head from Kelvin Johnson being pushed into his own net when he tried to tip if over.

Liverpool England will now be hoping to go all out to stay 9-0-0 in the second half.

[apologies for yet again short RP, its still better than people like TBF who've decided not to RP.]

Le LIBRE

First half ends strongly.

Today, the final match of the first half of qualifying ended. Les Bleus were playing in Lallania which is ruled in a New York Times style democracy. The stadium was an old stadium, but had some history of national championships. Fans were packing into the stadium to see the world cup winner play in their country. It was suggested that 88,000 people bought tickets for this match.

The strong Eauz offence would be cooled down a bit in this match, as Lallania’s defence showed up for the match. Les Bleus were up to their original early attacks setting up plays, unfortunately the Lallania goalkeeper was having a strong match and saved all 5 attacks during the 10 minutes of play in the Lallania zone. Mid-fielder, Coeur shot the ball, only to be stopped by the post. That was the closest Les Bleus came. At the other end the Lallania offence must have been super charged for the match, trying to get off kicks early, before Les Bleus could set up, unfortunately missing the net completely. For a strong offence team in Eauz, Les Bleus showed tiring early in the match, ending in a 0 – 0 tie after the first half.

This time, NO fans were leaving the stadium; many were cheering and happy that their team was tied against the number 1 team of the world.

In the second half, Les Bleus were not worried for they have been in this situation with many teams, weak, new and experienced, and still come back to win. The whistle blew for the second half, and Les Bleus finally got control of a serious attack. Soiy the attacker passed it to Rousseu on the right side. Rousseu found Joseuf open and tapped it into the net, putting Les Bleus up at the 73rd minute of play. Joseuf ran around the field in excitement, finally falling to his knees, and a fist pump. Les Bleus finally opened up the scoring. The goal broke the hope for all the Lallania fans, and the spirit for the players. For the rest of the match, Les Bleus would play in defence of the win. Lallania posed no threat to Yeuseuv, who went onto his 5th shutout out of 6 shutouts in a 1 – 0 victory.

With the victory, Les Bleus finish off the first half with a record of 7 wins, 0 ties and 2 loses, giving them 21 points. Les Bleus will have a few days off, and continue the qualifying round on this 3 game road trip, going to Oceaice and finishing off in Europa Britannia. Les Bleus hope they can finish this road trip with three victories, but will be tough against Europa Britannia. The last time Les Bleus visited EB, it was their second meeting, and Les Bleus beat EB 2 – 1.

[code:1:e85e3614e8]
Pos Team P W D L F A GD Pts PP
1 Brazillico 9 9 0 0 25 6 19 27 54
2 Eauz 9 7 0 2 17 5 12 21 48
3 Europa Britannia 9 6 2 1 16 5 11 20 47
4 The Confederate 9 4 2 3 17 17 0 14 41
5 EL CID THE HERO 9 4 0 5 12 15 -3 12 39
6 Melmond 9 2 2 5 11 16 -5 8 35
7 Largent 9 2 1 6 10 17 -7 7 34
8 The Weegies 9 2 1 6 6 13 -7 7 34
9 Oceaice 9 2 1 6 10 18 -8 7 34
10 Lallania 9 2 1 6 9 21 -12 7 34
[/code:1:e85e3614e8]



Match Day 1: Oceaice @ Eauz W 4 - 2
Match Day 2: Europa Britannia vs Eauz L 1 - 0
Match Day 3: Eauz @ BrazillicoL 1 - 2
Match Day 4: The Weegies @ Eauz W 0 - 1
Match Day 5: Eauz @ EL CID THE HERO W 2 - 0
Match Day 6: Melmond @ Eauz W 0 - 3
Match Day 7: Eauz @ Largent W 2 - 0
Match Day 8: The Confederate @ Eauz W 0 - 2
Match Day 9 : Eauz @ Lallania W 1 - 0

Match Day 10: Eauz @ Oceaice
Match Day 11: Eauz @ Europa Britannia
Match Day 12: Brazillico @ Eauz
Match Day 13: Eauz @ The Weegies
Match Day 14: EL CID THE HERO @ Eauz
Match Day 15: Eauz @ Melmond
Match Day 16: Largent @ Eauz
Match Day 17: Eauz @ The Confederate
Match Day 18: Lallania @ Eauz

da daa da dadada daa...

Announcer: Live from BSTV Headquarters in Sonoma City, this is BSTV Sports Tonight...with Amanda Butt and Chuck Mitchell!

Amanda: Thank you very much, and welcome to BSTV Sports Tonight!

Chuck: As you can see, we've had our funding increased. We have intro music and an announcer now!

Amanda: And I've even heard that they're putting our names in bold in the transcripts!

Chuck: Holy cow. We really have hit the big time, haven't we?

Amanda: Yes, we have...but on with the show! Now that we've reached the halfway point in World Cup Fourteen qualifying, we're going to make the rounds once again and tell you all who's hot...and who's not.

Chuck: That we are. And where better to begin than Group One?

[code:1:5c7d6a6f41]Group 1 P W D L GF GA GD Pts
The Eagle's Nest 9 8 1 0 24 7 +17 25
Total n Utter Insanity 9 7 1 1 20 6 +14 22
Audioslavia 9 6 2 1 14 8 +6 20
Grand Master Mark 9 5 1 3 20 14 +6 16
New Montreal States 9 3 2 4 18 16 +2 11
East Spaam 9 2 3 4 14 13 +1 9
Larkinia 9 2 2 5 10 17 -7 8
Kendelstand 9 2 1 6 7 17 -10 7
New Luca 9 2 1 6 8 22 -14 7
Presgreif 9 0 2 7 5 20 -15 2[/code:1:5c7d6a6f41]

Amanda: The Eagle's Nest has risen very quickly to the top of NationStates football in just a little over a decade, and they remain undefeated at the halfway mark. As expected, TnUI and Audioslavia are also in the top three. East Spaam seem somewhat disappointing this time around, merely in sixth place with a losing record. Still, I'd expect the standings to remain pretty much as they are.

[code:1:5c7d6a6f41]Group 2 P W D L GF GA GD Pts
Kaze Progressa 9 8 1 0 20 6 +14 25
Cockbill Street 9 6 2 1 20 9 +11 20
Lemmitania 9 6 0 3 19 6 +13 18
Dreyar 9 5 1 3 20 13 +7 16
Gaddland 9 4 2 3 16 17 -1 14
Creedence Clearwater 9 2 2 5 8 13 -5 8
Cicera 9 2 1 6 14 21 -7 7
Thoroughbreds 9 1 4 4 13 21 -8 7
G Bugles 9 2 1 6 9 23 -14 7
Steve's Island 9 2 0 7 7 17 -10 6[/code:1:5c7d6a6f41]

Chuck: Well, it's good to see Kaze Progressa doing well again -- it's been a while since they could say that. Cockbill Street and Lemmitania also strong, no surprise there. Newcomers Dreyar have been rather impressive -- they were in third place until they lost to Cockbill Street today and Lemmitania trashed Thoroughbreds. Again, I'm gonna have to say the top three will stay that way, though I think Lemmitania will pass Cockbill Street to take at least second place.

[code:1:5c7d6a6f41]Group 3 P W D L GF GA GD Pts
Snub Nose 38 9 9 0 0 21 4 +17 27
Halfassedstates 9 7 0 2 16 9 +7 21
Ravenspire 9 6 2 1 14 8 +6 20
NEWI Cefn Druids 9 4 3 2 14 9 +5 15
Airenguo 9 4 0 5 14 13 +1 12
Tepalguana 9 2 3 4 13 18 -5 9
The Evil Umpire 9 3 0 6 15 22 -7 9
Pablicosta 9 2 2 5 10 14 -4 8
The Redavic Union 9 2 1 6 15 19 -4 7
Holy lndia 9 0 1 8 6 22 –16 1[/code:1:5c7d6a6f41]

Amanda: Well, you have your good years and your bad years. This time around, I'd have to say it's a good year for the Snub Nose 38 Hooligans. They've won every game, have an impressive +17 goal difference, and hold a commanding six-point lead over Halfassedstates. Ravenspire began their return to glory last Cup, and it looks like they're holding on course. NEWI Cefn Druids appear to be seeing success for once, though given the Druids' history, I frankly wouldn't be too surprised to see them fail to win another match. At the other end, the Walking Logarithms of Holy lndia are presently one of the worst teams in the world, having managed no wins and only one draw, keeping true to the form of their namesake.

[code:1:5c7d6a6f41]Group 4 P W D L GF GA GD Pts
Tanah Burung 9 7 2 0 22 7 +15 23
Rejistania 9 5 2 2 18 8 +10 17
Iansisle 9 5 2 2 22 15 +7 17
Sqournshelous 9 2 6 1 15 10 +5 12
Praying2God 9 3 3 3 9 9 0 12
Vilita 9 2 4 3 12 15 -3 10
Danilotown 9 3 1 5 14 24 -10 10
Crystilakere 9 2 3 4 13 20 -7 9
Ineptia 9 1 2 6 7 15 -8 5
Hawcoat 9 0 5 4 12 21 -9 5[/code:1:5c7d6a6f41]

Chuck: Again, no surprises in Group 4. Tanah Burung, always a strong side, lead the group by six points over WC12 champions Rejistania and a relatively strong Iansisle team. Squornshelous and Praying2God look to be a little underacheiving this time around, unless they can kick it up a bit in the second half.

[code:1:5c7d6a6f41]Group 5 P W D L GF GA GD Pts
Commerce Heights 9 7 1 1 20 7 +13 22
Svecia 9 6 1 2 17 10 +7 19
Oddslavo 9 5 2 2 20 11 +9 17
Stalag 5 9 4 1 4 17 16 +1 13
Lovisa 9 3 2 4 13 14 -1 11
Dead Man 9 3 2 4 12 15 -3 11
Makongo-Wodimalongo 9 3 2 4 18 25 -7 11
Lennon Marx 9 3 1 5 10 13 -3 10
The Fivefold Star 9 2 2 5 11 19 -8 8
Magnus Valerius 9 1 2 6 13 21 -8 5[/code:1:5c7d6a6f41]

Amanda: Well, our allies and rivals Commerce Heights are holding on to the top spot in Group 5 despite an embarrassing draw with Makongo-Wodimalongo. At the other end, Magnus Valerius are having an unusually tough time, having managed only one win so far. It's not looking good for the Boyars this time around.

[code:1:5c7d6a6f41]Group 6 P W D L GF GA GD Pts
Bedistan 9 9 0 0 19 6 +13 27
Kerla 9 7 1 1 19 5 +14 22
Dennisov 9 5 1 3 16 11 +5 16
Tadjikistan 9 4 1 4 14 14 0 13
Belmorian Scandinavia 9 3 2 4 8 12 -4 11
Intelligent Madness 9 3 1 5 11 13 -2 10
Aerigia 9 3 1 5 18 21 -3 10
Bobbystan 9 3 0 6 11 20 -9 9
Vollmeria 9 1 4 4 11 16 -5 7
Keyshona 9 1 1 7 11 20 -9 4[/code:1:5c7d6a6f41]

Chuck: Now that's a lovely-looking table. Someone get a picture of that. Our beloved Bedistan Lions keep the winning streak going with a 3-0 shutout of Bobbystan, maintaining a five-point lead in Group 6. At this point, I really can't see Bedistan or Kerla not qualifying. The third qualifying slot would appear to be a race between Dennisov and Tadjikistan, but the Tadjiks have dropped off a good bit since their opening three-match winning streak. Belmorian Scandinavia might be able to challenge for it, but I doubt it.

[code:1:5c7d6a6f41]Group 7 P W D L GF GA GD Pts
The Lowland Clans 9 8 0 1 21 8 +13 24
Liverpool England 9 7 0 2 16 5 +11 21
The Republican Army 9 4 2 3 14 13 +1 14
Mattigool 9 3 2 4 11 10 +1 11
Runaway Moose 9 3 2 4 17 17 0 11
NASTIC 2 9 3 2 4 8 12 -4 11
Winged Animals 9 3 2 4 14 19 -5 11
New Kingman 9 2 3 4 15 18 -3 9
Anitram 9 3 0 6 9 19 -10 9
Turnia 9 2 1 6 13 17 -4 7[/code:1:5c7d6a6f41]

Amanda: The Lowland Clans and Liverpool England I fully expected to be in the top three, but the Republican Army? I don't even know anything about them. My guess is Mattigool will find their form and take over third place -- they won't get much higher, being ten points behind LE. You can also see that Runaway Moose's days of glory are long gone.

[code:1:5c7d6a6f41]Group 8 P W D L GF GA GD Pts
Tingitana 9 7 2 0 15 8 +7 23
Spaam 9 6 2 1 15 4 +11 20
Dance 2 Revolution 9 6 2 1 17 7 +10 20
The Belmore Family 9 6 0 3 19 14 +5 18
Lovebug 9 4 1 4 16 12 +4 13
Alex The Tall 9 2 3 4 12 16 -4 9
ElephantandCastle 9 2 1 6 11 17 -6 7
Raptor Claw 9 0 5 4 8 16 -8 5
Dadostan 9 1 2 6 11 20 -9 5
Carpet 9 1 2 6 12 22 -10 5[/code:1:5c7d6a6f41]

Chuck: And there's another nice table. Tingitana has been THE success story of this Cup's qualifying so far, coming literally from nowhere to being undefeated and leading Group 8 at the midway point, ahead of teams like Spaam and the Belmore Family. The Camels saw their second draw today against Dance 2 Revolution; the first was at home against Spaam. They've managed to beat every other team in the group. That's just unheard of. They're doing even better than the Eagle's Nest did the first time through.

[code:1:5c7d6a6f41]Group 9 P W D L GF GA GD Pts
One Red Dot 9 8 1 0 22 7 +15 25
Gesamtkuntswerk 9 7 2 0 16 3 +13 23
Giant Zucchini 9 7 0 2 15 6 +9 21
Wella 9 4 1 4 11 10 +1 13
Aquilla 9 3 2 4 8 12 -4 11
Shang-Ti 9 2 3 4 17 19 -2 9
Jeruselem 9 2 2 5 10 15 -5 8
The mighty spurs 9 2 1 6 15 19 -4 7
Nanakaland 9 2 0 7 10 23 -13 6
Clearwater 9 1 2 6 9 19 -10 5[/code:1:5c7d6a6f41]

Amanda: One Red Dot, Gesamtkuntswerk, Giant Zucchini...sounds like a World Cup from thirty or forty years ago, doesn't it? But these three teams have always been good, and this year is no exception. Expect basically no changes in this group, especially with them all being eight points clear of the pack.

[code:1:5c7d6a6f41]Group 10 P W D L GF GA GD Pts
Brazillico 9 9 0 0 25 6 +19 27
Eauz 9 7 0 2 17 5 +12 21
Europa Brittania 9 6 2 1 16 5 +11 20
The Confederate 9 4 2 3 17 17 0 14
EL CID THE HERO 9 4 0 5 12 15 -3 12
Melmond 9 2 2 5 11 16 -5 8
Largent 9 2 1 6 10 17 -7 7
The Weegies 9 2 1 6 6 13 -7 7
Oceaice 9 2 1 6 10 18 -8 7
Lallania 9 2 1 6 9 21 -12 7[/code:1:5c7d6a6f41]

Chuck: Finally, Group 10 is an interesting group. The three teams you'd expect to be on top are indeed there -- the so-far-perfect Brazillico, defending champions Eauz, and perennial powerhouses Europa Brittania -- but this group also shows some disappointing performances. Melmond is sitting in the middle of the table, but at 13 points out of third place, they're almost certainly not going to qualify. It doesn't look much better for the Weegies, stuck along with three other teams at seven points.

Amanda: Well, there's the rundown. We'll pause for some important messages, and when we return, our very own statisticians will tell you just what we think the outcomes will be. Stay tuned.

da daa da dadada daa...

(ooc note to everyone: don't feel like you have to apologize for short RP's! In fact, here is a short one with no apologies whatsoever)

STOUT LOUT MOMENT

Camera shows a nice pass by Rashid Nazir up to Carmel Budiarjo, and her shot being stopped by the Praying2God keeper. With a dizzying wrench the camera spins to the stands to show a Crocs fan kneeing someone in the groin.

Voice-over: Stout Lout. When nothing else will do.

The Evil Umpire loses to Ravenspire 3-2 in Ravenspire.

The Evil Umpire have lost to Snub Nose 38 3-0.

Except that one! Apologize at once! :wink:

The Bureaucratic Tribune
The Bureaucratic States' most readily available publication.

No more Wonderteam
The Parliament of the Bureaucratic States unanimously retires the "Wonderteam" moniker

By Bill Christmas

OGLETHORPIA (BT) -- The immense Parliament Superstructure cast its shadow over the historical Megalopolis Plaza -- a longstanding brobdingnagian symbol of bureaucratic democracy in the Bureaucratic States. Following the retirements of the original Wonderteam players (World Cups 9-13) the 900 Parliament members in the Superstructure debated the merits of retiring the World Cup 10-era moniker coined by the Oglethorpian Association of Futebol/Football (OAF/OAFF) used by the Oglethorpian squad in World Cups 10-13 in homage to their days representing Oglethorpia across five World Cups.

The issue at hand was a simple one -- would Parliament want the Oglethorpian national squad to forge on ahead under the name of the Wonderteam even with all of the original members of the first Wonderteam gone? Or would it retire the national squad's nickname used in World Cups 10, 11, 12 and 13 as tribute to the efforts of that original squad representing the nation and it's love for the game?

Clearly, the latter was the logical choice -- so logical that Parliament voted unanimously that the Wonderteam moniker used in World Cups 10-13 would be retired in tribute to the original World Cup 9-13 national squad. It was a significant event in Oglethorpian football -- signaling the end of the golden age of Wonderteam football, and the beginning of a new one with a new generation of footballers representing Oglethorpia in World Cup 14. The Wonderteam was no more.

The Wonderteam had it's roots in World Cup 9 -- when the chief Oglethorpian footballing entity at the time, the Association of Futebol/Football (OAF) decided that it's national squad deserved a nickname. Based on ancient history that claimed the Austrian national side was nicknamed "the Wonderteam," the Association of Futebol/Football declared that Guy Picciotto's second World Cup sqaud would take to the field as "the Superteam."

In World Cup 10 the Association of Futebol/Football got their facts straight -- and the Superteam became the Wonderteam, qualifying for every World Cup starting with 10 up to World Cup 13. World Cup 10's Wonderteam sported the most electrifying offense of the entire World Cup; led by Torrence Black and Jorge White, the Wonderteam offense scored an average of two goals for every one of their matches, 45 goals across 21 games. As the young Torrence Black used to say, "I kicked ass."

The Wonderteam continued their top-notch preformance through World Cup 11, once again qualifying for the Cup -- but this time the star of the team was talented Megalopolis City F.C. goalkeeper Ken'Ichi Yamamoto, who only let by five goals across 17 matches.

By now the Wonderteam's playing in World Cup 12 and 13 was considered par by the standards of fans back home, used to their playing tactics that proved so sucessful. Dick Egoson of Polyesterhampton F.C. tried to shake things up in World Cup 13 with an offense-oriented approach, but ultimately it proved no more successful than the standard 4-4-2 and 3-4-3 formations of the past -- and Egoson took it to heart, quitting the head job of coaching the Wonderteam on national television. Temporary manager Frank Face of Neverton F.C. would be the last coach of the Wonderteam following the retirement of the Oglethorpian national squad's nickname.

"I'm truly honored," said Torrence Black, after hearing news that Parliament had indeed unanimously rested the Wonderteam-name his World Cup squad used during his international footballing career. "That's a great tribute, to say that our World Cup squad in Cups 10 through 13 was so good that it would be the only Wonderteam in Oglethorpian international football history."

"I think that's absolutely fantastic," added Guy Picciotto, who managed the Oglethorpian national side in World Cup 8 all the way up to his last Cup, World Cup 12. "For Parliament to recognize that World Cup 9 through 13 squad like that -- that's the highest respect you could give them. That the national team is not the Wonderteam -- but that squad that played in World Cup 9 through World Cup 13 is the Wonderteam."

Former midfielder Floyd Black was completely taken aback by the move made by Parliament. "I could name off the stars of that team -- I was definitely not one of them, but i'm as glad as anyone to be recognized like that."

"I'm all for it," stated one die-hard Oglethorpian fan. "They were the Wonderteam -- I don't think the fans would have it any other way. It wouldn't be right for these new kids to have to defend that name, or play under the shadow of what that team did in World Cup 10 through World Cup 13. Like they said, man -- one era ended. The Wonderteam era is over, and we'll begin anew."

While opinions may differ on exactly how good the Wonderteam really was, almost all Oglethorpian fans feel it is the right thing to do.

"It represents that era in our footballing history -- i'm sure we can all agree on that," commented one fan, waiting in line to buy tickets for Oglethorpia's upcoming matches in the first round. "It doesn't matter how good they were -- those guys were cherished by the country, and whatever skill -- I am completely for retiring the name in honor of them."

Turnia City Tribune

Associated Press Quick Flash

Ole, ole, ole ole... Turnia wins two in a row-- Turnia 2 Runaway Moose 1

The first half of match qualifing ended today with a Dragons 2-1 win over Runaway Moose. The front 9 has been shakey, opening with 6 straight losses, but the team is 2-1-0 in their last 3 and looking to make some noise on the back 9. Running of the field to chants of "ole, ole, ole, ole" by Dragons fans, GK Donald Heinz screamed back, "Two in a row, oh yeah!" to the waving throng. Easy Donald, there is a ways to go yet.

After 9 games, Turnia rests in last place in Group 7 with a record of:
2-1-6 -4GD 7pts. Again there were a few reports of arrests and injuries to revellers, but overall, Turnians have handled themselves with class. Much like their National Team.

APQF

Exhale
Melmond Ends 4-Game Losing Streak With 1-nil Win Over The Weegies
By Dita Dutch of the Acosta Chronicle

ACOSTA, MELMOND—Despite losing four games in a row and being in the cellar of Group 10; the Melmond National Team had a spark in its eye. After chronically underperforming for seven out of the eight games they have played, Melmond seems to have recovered its competitive spirit in which they teamed up with Brazillico to defeat the undead referee Gurg. The other doomed side, The Weegies, seemed to have their old talent back once again after an absolutely embarrassing start. The Weegies are just now picking themselves up from the cellar. With qualifying virtually out of reach, both sides are playing for their dignity.
The crowd was sparse considering the crowds the Melmond National Team have drawn before. Originally, only 10,000 tickets were sold, but once announced that the world famous dancing woocats were going to perform at halftime, 10,000 more tickets were sold. More tickets would have been sold if Acosta Browns player Kestrel Bluesummers didn’t get a red card suspension from an incident involving a lecherous referee. Just over half of the seats at the refurbished football specific Frankndottir Stadium was filled. The crowd was given complementary rally hats, a practiced borrowed from the Batter Up Baseball League Melmond Branch. They were farmer’s hats turned inside out. The sky was overcast, and a wind had a little bit of a nip to it. The majestic looks of Acosta’s mountains and glaciers add well to the scene.
Both sides came out with a tenacity to their game. Both attacks were fast and furious, but both defences were more than up to the challenge. Whenever a Melmond player tried a neat dribbling maneuver, there was always another The Weegies defender able to stop them. Whenever The Weegies tried a cross, the Melmond defence did a great job of clearing the ball in mid air. The goalkeeping on both sides was astounding as The Weegies goalkeeper Tony Britton was always able to get a finger on any ball that came his way and deflect it from the net. Melmond goalkeeper Snhp Xtfuinxm just took care of business like he usually does, only once needing a diving save to prevent a The Weegies score.
A couple of Melmond players were a little too tenacious. Melmond defender Jonsi Torrini made a bit of a late sliding tackle on The Weegies midfielder Colin Ferguson and received a yellow card at the 30th minute and Melmond midfielder Cristina Antunez performed an overly aggressive tackle on The Weegies midfielder Steve Piccolo and gets a yellow card of her own at the 39th minute. Both of The Weegies players were okay. The first half ended scoreless.
The fans who showed up to the match were treated to a spectacular halftime show as musical mystics throughout Melmond teamed up with the famous dancing woocats to perform a ritual that will invoke the Melmondian goddess exorcise the hex the Praying2God sessions put on them. There were conga drums and chants and interpretative dance from the dancing woocats. One person wore a wooden tribal mask which had a billy goat type of face. Knowing that the Melmondian goddess is a big fan of the earthly baseball team the Chicago Cubs, they knew they must break a billy goat mask. They used a dagger that belonged to Melmond striker Diallo Unne. With every strike of the dagger, the chant emitted loud bursts. The crescendo came as the billy goat mask breaks in two and the man behind it is unscathed by the dagger. The fans cheer and the drumming and dancing die down to begin the second half.
The second half started out with a flurry of attacks by Melmond which kept The Weegies on their toes. Unfortunately, the ball never found the net. Frustrated with the non-ability to finish, Melmond manager Felix Coostatlwak substituted the ineffective Mornakh the Bloody Handed for Diallo Unne, the man who’s not only nicknamed “the dagger,” but also he is the man who’s actual dagger was used in the exorcism.
At the 63rd minute, The Weegies were on the warpath to score the first goal of the match. The Weegies midfielder Phil McCann makes the pass to striker Robert Hardie. Hardie is able to get by Melmond defender Sergio Ortiz to get into the goalkeeper’s box but falls down. The whistle is blown and there is a yellow card issued to Hardie for diving. Hardie insists that he tripped over the playing surface but the referee wouldn’t buy it. The fans thought that the exorcism brought back the ghost of late Melmondian striker Taxt, who was known for taking dives. Therefore, the ghost of Taxt pushed Robert Hardie to make it look like he dived. That was the superstition anyway as The Weegies blow a golden opportunity with a freakish event.
Melmond quickly takes advantage of the deflated morale of The Weegies as a clear by Sergio Ortiz is cleverly headed on by Cristina Antunez to Critandi Unne. Critandi Unne soon finds her older brother who makes a hard solid shot just out of the reach of The Weegies goalkeeper Tony Britton. This is why Diallo Unne is called “The Dagger.” His clutch shots stick the dagger in the hearts of the other team. Melmond scores what ended up to be the only goal at the 66th minute. After holding back some more offensive attempts by The Weegies, it was full time and Melmond has finally won again.

Goals
D. Unne, MEL 66th

Cards
Torrini, MEL 30th
Antunez, MEL 39th
Hardie, TWG 63rd

Standings

Group 10 Results
EL CID THE HERO 1 – Oceaice 0
Largent 0 – Brazillico 1
The Confederate 1 – Europa Brittania 1
Lallania 0 – Eauz 1

[code:1:d95ae981c9]Group 10
Pts W D L GF:GA GD
1. Brazillico 27 9 0 0 25:6 19
2. Eauz 21 7 0 2 17:5 12
3. Europa Brittania 20 6 2 1 16:15 11
4. The Confederate 14 4 2 3 17:17 0
5. EL CID THE HERO 12 4 0 5 12:15 -3
6. Melmond 8 2 2 5 11:16 -5
7. Largent 7 2 1 6 10:17 -7
8. The Weegies 7 2 1 6 6:13 -7
9. Oceaice 7 2 1 6 10:18 -8
10. Lallania 7 2 1 6 9:21 -12[/code:1:d95ae981c9]

Melmond Team Stats
Goals: Chris Owen (4), Critandi Unne (2), Mornakh the Bloody Handed (2), Benjamin Leeb (1), Diallo Unne (1)
Cards: Chris Owen (1), Kestrel Bluesummers (1), Scott Cheney (1), Jonsi Torrini (1), Cristina Antunez (1)

The Melmond National Team Schedule

@ EL CID THE HERO L 2-1
@ Oceaice T 1-1
v Largent (Microcosm Stadium, Aldi) W 3-0
@ The Confederate T 3-3
v Lallania (Xpress Counsel Field, Cali) L 3-2
@ Eauz L 3-0
v Europa Brittania (Feliz-Unne Stadium, Unne) L 2-0
@ Brazillico L 2-0
v The Weegies (Frankndottir Stadium, Acosta) W 1-0
v EL CID THE HERO (Woocat Books Ballpark, O’Connor)
v Oceaice (Lifedonations Stadium, Morales)
@ Largent
v The Confederate (MPNK Stadium, Faasen)
@ Lallania
v Eauz (White Bread Dome, Suburbia)
@ Europa Brittania
v Brazillico (Melmond Bowl, Melmond City)
@ The Weegies

Next Game
vs. EL CID THE HERO (Woocat Books Ballpark, O’Connor)

Certainly spirits are high for our Forsaken Farmers as they leap from the bottom of group 10 all the way to sixth place. Why are they still the Forsaken Farmers? Melmond publications won’t change it back until they are back at fifth or better. The homestand as well as the low caliber of opponents Melmond faces could give them the golden opportunity needed to reclaim their dignity and proper moniker. The erratic EL CID THE HERO side is up next in the second match of the three match homestand as well as the first match of the second half of qualifying. Melmond lost the first meeting with EL CID THE HERO on a missed call away from Melmond. Now that they are at home, Melmond is the favored side to win. This game also marks the return of defender Paul "Edgy' Shields, the man who served a long suspension after ending Tanah Burung's Theys Eluay's career. Manager Felix Coostatlwak will have the same starting lineup as the last game.

GK- Snhp Xtfuinxm
D- Jonsi Torrini
D- Sergio Ortiz
D- Scott Cheney
D- Nina Steen
M- Martin Goodwin
M- Critandi Unne
M- Camui Arai
M- Cristina Antunez
F- Mornakh the Bloody Handed
F- Chris Owen

Woocat Books Ballpark
Location: O’Connor Melmond
Seats: 48,395 (Retractable Roof)

The city of O’Connor is Melmond’s fourth largest city. It is the big city hub which is smack dab in the middle of the Melmondian fertile plain. O’Connor is also the heart of the largest industry in Melmond, the book publishing industry. The monies of Woocat Books, the oldest book publisher in Melmond, as well as the city of O’Connor built the state of the art Woocat Books Ballpark during the rise of popularity of the Batter Up Baseball League. Whether or not to use the retractable roof will be a gametime decision as the weather is unpredictable in O’Connor this time of month. Tickets are still available so contact the Woocat Books Ballpark box office or Monopoticket.

TnUI History - Part the fifth

A small city has sprung up since last we came to visit.

Soundgardian the only: So it turns out it was these green glowing stones that were driving people f---ing crazy.

Europan Brittanian the only: How come these insane stones didn't effect you lot?

Soundgardian the only: Oh they did, but it took a long time due to our natural insanity. Eventually we figured it out.

Europan Brittanian the only: How long did that take?

Soundgardian the only: 1,000 years give or take a few.

Brazillican the first: When the f---ing f--- am I gonna get the f--- out of here?

Brazillican the second: Don't f---ing look at me, it's your f---ing fault!

Kingsforder the only: Anyone need some gay porn?

Soundgardian the only: Oh yeah I want some!

Europan Brittanian the only: Me too!

Uhuh the last: Squak!!

Soundgardian the only hits Uhuh the last over the head with a club.

Soundgardian the only: Damn pests.

::NEWS FLASH::

THE VILITA NATIONAL GOES UP IN FLAMES

The international football scene has lately seen the absence of one of it's newest media additions, the Vilita National. It can now be confirmed that the National, Located outside the Tivali Jungle in Alikki-Corra, Vilita, has been the victim of seismic activity. The Tivali Jungle, always known as a potential hotbed for seismic activity, has been quiet in recent years. However, It has once again come to life. A 15 1/2 foot seismic trunk has erupted in the north wing of the Vilita National plant, the printing room, and much of the equipment has been destroyed. Molten lava has covered much of the lower floors of the complex and the surrounding area. While eruptions have begun to slow, It is unknown when production of the Vilita National will resume. It is believed that the only viable replacement in the immediate future is a 300 year old ink plant, where each page would have to be set by hand, and pages sewn together, making limited numbers available. An underground newspaper, the Vilitarian, has emerged as the hot source, no pun intended, for news in the absence of the National. While their abbreviated reports may be less appealing to the eye, They are much appreciated by the fast paced Vilitan society, and these events may prove indefinately costly to the National. Here is an exerpt from the Vilitarian:

Vilita 2 - 4 Ianisle

Ianisle got off to a bright start in this important Group 4 Fixture, scoring twice in the first 15 minutes. First out of the gate was Brian "The Lion" Lyon, who caught on to an Edgar Pentonbridge through ball and professionally slotted past Jungle Cat keeper Massimo Corsi. Defender Martin Garsode would then head the Ians two up off a 15th minute corner. However, after being 2-0 down at the half, The Jungle Cats were the brightest team starting the second. A long run by the influential Jonathon Baledrokadroka saw him gain 60 yards on the Ianisle defense before placing a precision ball to the feet of Callum Banda in the 6 yard box for an easy tap in. Then, on the hour, Nigel Chapman was fouled 25 yards out, and specialist Jürgen Ramzi stepped up with a bit of beauty to fire his free kick past a frozen Richard Nielsen in the Ianisle net. However, The Lion would fight back against the run of play, stealing a poorly played backpass by Giacomo Adika to put the Ians back in front on 75 minutes. Substitute James Avon then rapped up the points in stoppage time catching Massimo Corsi off his line and skillfully lobbing home from 35 yards.

Until next week, The Vilitarian, your new source for all things Vilita.






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Next Match Preview:

http://www.nationstates.net/images/flags/united_states--56.jpg Praying2God @ Vilitahttp://www.dirt-racing.com/3wide/sites/aofiles/vilita.jpg
Praying2God will likely use WCQXIV as a build up to their WCXV Campaign. A strong showing here could move them up in the rankings and into contention for a better draw next time around.


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http://www.dirt-racing.com/3wide/sites/aofiles/rp/sched.gif
M01:
Vilita (http://www.nationstates.net/cgi-bin/index.cgi/34936/page=display_nation/nation=vilita) [1] - [2] Praying2God <- [Match Report (http://www.nationstates.net/forum/viewtopic.php?p=3111724#3111724)]
M02:
Vilita (http://www.nationstates.net/cgi-bin/index.cgi/34936/page=display_nation/nation=vilita) [1] - [0] Ineptia <- [Match Report (http://www.nationstates.net/forum/viewtopic.php?p=3117831#31)]
M03:
Vilita (http://www.nationstates.net/cgi-bin/index.cgi/34936/page=display_nation/nation=vilita) [1] - [1] Hawcoat [Match Report (http://www.nationstates.net/forum/viewtopic.php?p=3122533#31)]
M04:
Vilita (http://www.nationstates.net/cgi-bin/index.cgi/34936/page=display_nation/nation=vilita) [3] - [1] Crystilakere <- [Match Report (http://www.nationstates.net/forum/viewtopic.php?p=3125618#31)]
M05:
Vilita (http://www.nationstates.net/cgi-bin/index.cgi/34936/page=display_nation/nation=vilita) [2] - [2] Daniltown [Match Report]
M06:
Vilita (http://www.nationstates.net/cgi-bin/index.cgi/34936/page=display_nation/nation=vilita) [1] - [4] Rejistania <- [Match Report (http://www.nationstates.net/forum/viewtopic.php?p=3132899#3132899)]
M07:
Vilita (http://www.nationstates.net/cgi-bin/index.cgi/34936/page=display_nation/nation=vilita) [0] - [0] Squornshelous [Match Report (http://www.nationstates.net/forum/viewtopic.php?p=3135496#3135496)]
M08:
Vilita (http://www.nationstates.net/cgi-bin/index.cgi/34936/page=display_nation/nation=vilita) [1] - [1] Tanah Burung <- [Match Report (http://www.nationstates.net/forum/viewtopic.php?p=3137780#3137780)]
M09:
Vilita (http://www.nationstates.net/cgi-bin/index.cgi/34936/page=display_nation/nation=vilita) [2] - [4] Ianisle [Match Report (http://www.nationstates.net/forum/viewtopic.php?p=3141574#3141574)]

This space will be refilled later. Probably.

[code:1:db375f9497]
OUR GOALS SCORED 16
AVERAGE NO. OF GOALS SCORED PER GAME 1.777777778
GOALS AGAINST US 12
AVERAGE NO. OF GOALS SCORED AGAINST US 1.333333333

GROUP 8 TOTAL SCORED (INCLUDING LOVEBUG) 136
AVERAGE NO. OF GOALS SCORED PER GAME PER TEAM 1.511111111
GROUP 1 TOTAL SCORED 140
AVERAGE NO. OF GOALS SCORED PER GAME PER TEAM 1.555555556
GROUP 2 TOTAL SCORED 146
AVERAGE NO. OF GOALS SCORED PER GAME PER TEAM 1.622222222
GROUP 3 TOTAL SCORED 138
AVERAGE NO. OF GOALS SCORED PER GAME PER TEAM 1.533333333
GROUP 4 TOTAL SCORED 167
AVERAGE NO. OF GOALS SCORED PER GAME PER TEAM 1.855555556
GROUP 5 TOTAL SCORED 152
AVERAGE NO. OF GOALS SCORED PER GAME PER TEAM 1.688888889
GROUP 6 TOTAL SCORED 138
AVERAGE NO. OF GOALS SCORED PER GAME PER TEAM 1.533333333
GROUP 7 TOTAL SCORED 138
AVERAGE NO. OF GOALS SCORED PER GAME PER TEAM 1.533333333
GROUP 9 TOTAL SCORED 133
AVERAGE NO. OF GOALS SCORED PER GAME PER TEAM 1.477777778
GROUP 10 TOTAL SCORED 133
AVERAGE NO. OF GOALS SCORED PER GAME PER TEAM 1.477777778
TOTAL POINTS SCORED IN WC 14 1421
AVERAGE NO. OF GOALS SCORED PER TEAM 14.21
AVERAGE NO. OF GOALS SCORED PER GAME PER TEAM 1.578888889
[/code:1:db375f9497]


Apau Ka inoa O aloha, ho'okahi wa hou Ka inoa O aloha.


KANIELAPAKELIKA http://espnradio.espn.go.com/i/columnists/patrick_dan_c.jpg: WELCOME BACK TO OUR DAILY LNSNN BROADCAST. WE’VE BEEN AWAY DUE TO *COUGHS NERVOUSLY* TECHNICAL DIFFICULTIES, HERE AT THE STATION – BUT WE’RE BACK NOW AND GLAD TO BE BRINGING YOU THE LATEST UPDATES IN WC 14 NEWS.

LOPAKAKIKA http://www.msnbc.com/onair/Bios/Global/costas_b.jpg: YES IT IS GOOD TO BE BACK HERE. SINCE WE HAVE BEEN GONE THE BULLDOGS HAVE SEEN SOME TOUGH TIMES, BUT ARE BACK TO THE SWING OF THINGS AFTER LAST NIGHTS VICTORY AGAINST THE NATION OF CARPET HERE AT HOME.

KANIELAPAKELIKA: DID YOU KNOW THAT THE NATION OF CARPET, A FELLOW INNOFENSIVE CENTRIST DEMOCRACY, IS LOCATED IN THE AXIS OF ABSURDITY REGION, A REGION ONLY MARGINALLY SMALLER THAN LOVEBUG’S OWN REGION – NORTH AMERICA – WITH 168 NATIONS?

LOPAKAKIKA: NO, BUT DID YOU KNOW THAT IT HAS A POPULATION OF 1.115 BILLION PEOPLE, HAS AN AVERAGE INCOME TAX OF 52%, AND ITS MAJOR INDUSTRY IS AUTOMOBILE MANUFACTUIRNG FOLLOWED BY SODA SALES AND PIZZA DELIVERIES.

KANIELAPAKELIKA: REALLY…HMMM…THAT’S CERTAINLY INTERESTING. I T ALSO SAYS HERE THAT THEIR NATIONAL ANIMAL IS THE DUST MITE, AND ACCORDING TO YESTERDAY’S UN REPORT THEY RANK 36,445th IN THE WORLD FOR STUPIDEST CITIZENS – WOW – THEIR REALLY STUPID OVER THERE IN CARPET – WELL AT LEAST WHEN COMPARED TO LOVEBUG WHO IS 105,107th ON THIS SAME LIST.

LOPAKAKIKA: COME ON NOW, KANIELPAKELIKA, THAT’S NOT A NICE THING TO SAY.

KANIELAPAKELIKA: HEY I’M JUST STATING A FACT HERE – NO JUDGEMENT INTENDED.

LOPAKAKIKA: LETS JUST GET TO THE GAME SHALL WE – THE DOGS ARRIVED AT THE HOME STADIUM TODAY AFTER THE LONG JOURNEY FROM ALEX THE TALL, HAVING LOST 3 OF THEIR LAST 4 MATCHES, DRAWING IN THE FOURTH – THE TEAM WAS LOOKING TO GET BACK ON TRACK HERE AT HOME, AS THEY HEAD INTO THE SECOND HALF OF THE TOURNAMENT.

KANIELAPAKELIKA: AND WHAT A WAY TO COME BACK – THE TEAM PUT 4 BALLS IN THE NET – AND ONLY ALLOWED CARPET TO SCORE ONCE – ALTHOUGH EVEN THAT WAS A FLUKE. DURING THE SECOND HALF WE WERE ALREADY UP 3-0, AND CARPET’S TEAM SEEMED DESPERATE FOR ANY TYPE OF SCORE, HIGHLY FRUSTRATED KICKED THE BALL, WHICH BOUNCED OFF THE HEAD OF ONE OF THEIR SIDELINED PLAYERS, WAITING TO GET ON THE FIELD – AND THEN BOUNCED BACK AND INTO THE NET. AND THE REF’S ALLOWED IT – WHAT IS THAT! BUT LOVEBUG UNFORTUNATELY COULDN’T CONTEST IT HAVING USED THEIR ONE REPLAY OPTION EARLY IN THE MATCHUP WHEN THEY CALLED A BALL OUT ON US, WHEN IT WAS CLEARLY OUT ON THEM – WE GOT THE BALL AND SCORED, SO IT WAS WORTH IT…BUT STILL.

LOPAKAKIKA: THERE IS NO RULE AGAINST THAT, AND THERE IS NO RULE TO SAY IT’S OK – IT WAS PURE JUDGEMENT CALL ON THE REFS PART. THE IMPORTANT PART THOUGH IS THAT WE WON – SHUT OUT OR NOT. SCORES WERE MADE ON THE BULLDOG SIDE BY THE FOLLOWING PLAYERS…

Ellis "Phantom" McTeal http://www.football-rumours.com/images/morientes4.jpg
Raffi "Gorilla" Marley http://www.football-rumours.com/images/EricSabin.jpg
Boar "The Bull" Bullock http://www.football-rumours.com/images/kilygonzales.jpg
Hunter "The Shotgun" Forrest http://www.football-rumours.com/images/joaquin4.JPG

KANIELAPAKELIKA: GREAT GAME BULLDOGS – TONIGHT WE START THE SECOND LEG OF THE MATCH-UP AS WE PLAY RAPTOR CLAW AT RAPTOR CLAW.

The Bureaucratic Tribune
The Bureaucratic States' most readily available publication.

Oglethorpian national-side goalkeeper selected
SpVgg Stuttergart's goalkeeper's duties are about to expand to the international game

By Bill Christmas

OGLETHORPIA (BT) -- SpVgg Stuttergart -- perhaps one of the most underrated and most talented squads in all of the Bureaucratic States' 1st Division is riding high on the news that accomplished starting-goalkeeper Henry Louis-Charleston White has been named to the Oglethorpian national squad, set to take up the position previously held by the reknowned Ken'Ichi Yamamoto of Megalopolis City F.C.

Henry Louis-Charleston White would have already made quite a name for himself if he were only known for his exploits on the field, perhaps the hardest working of all of Stuttergart's defense; but the goalkeeper is also well known for his complete devotion to the task at hand while on the field. Lous-Charleston White is always focused in the box -- and when things heat up, the SpVgg Stuttergart keeper becomes very competitive.

Says Stuttergart manager Pancrazio Albert-Albertson Black, "Henry [Louis-Charleston White] stays focused -- but when you start playin' against him, he gets real feisty. Starts arguing every call the referee makes -- starts tryin' to distract set pieces on corners. Sometimes it works, too. He can get into your head, sometimes. I can think of plenty of times when the ref has told him to keep his comments to himself -- then Henry started jeerin' the ref and the other player he was originally trash-talking."

His teammates think that Louis-Charleston White is everything one could want in a keeper -- and sometimes too much.

"He's a talented player, no doubt," added fellow midfielder Jesús Éclair. "But sometimes he gets so in the game -- you talk to him about a plan, and he jus' says 'i'm just doin' what i'm s'posed to be doing.' I mean, it works -- but he's always so focused, and even after the game it seems like he doesn't ever come out of that mode. I do know that Henry definitely gets the job done."

Even aside from Louis-Charleston White's 100% attention to his matches with SpVgg Stuttergart and his controversial comments directed at referees and opposing players, the Stuttergart keeper still ruffles feathers.

"Don't tell him I said this," offered Pancrazio Albert-Albertson Black, "but sometimes those press people call him 'Charly-son,' or 'Charly-ston.' Or some combination with 'Louis' thrown into it too. Well, most of them got punched in the face."

For the SpVgg Stuttergart manager speaks the truth -- Henry Louis-Charleston White has parted with a good deal of OK Credits in settling cases of assault after the courts of the Bureaucratic States sided with those who had recieved the fist to the face.

"I do what I have to do," tends to be the philosophy of Louis-Charleston White -- whether it be his cover-all answer for his preformance on the field, or why he punched a reporter in the face for calling him an undesirable nickname.

Henry Louis-Charleston White's conduct in public may be questionable, and he may confound his Stuttergart teammates. What is not questionable are his numbers -- the man nearly matches Yamamoto-san in shots saved per game, and adds an additional layer of psychological opposition to the Oglethorpian backfield.

Minus the Wonderteam moniker and the skill of Megalopolis City's Yamamoto-san, it still seems as if Oglethorpia can't go wrong with Henry Louis-Charleston White playing goal for the national team.

Jeruselem Government News

Crusaders break losing streak

After losing their last three games, Jeruselem broke their hoodoo with a 1-0 win over The mighty spurs. The team still suffering from missing stars due to injury and bad form, put in a solid performance in defense.

Coach Alex Avigon "We're not scoring enough goals. If Nanakaland concede more goals and still are placed ahead of us on the table, then our attack lacks bite."

GROUP 9
Jeruselem 1 - 0 The mighty spurs
Wella 2 - 0 Aquilla
Nanakaland 0 - 4 One Red Dot
Clearwater 1 - 2 Giant Zucchini
Shang-Ti 1 - 1 Gesamtkuntswerk

Halfassed squeeze out another brace of wins.

After the faltering start to the campaign, Peter Piper has picked up his pack of players and persuaded them to put some perspiration into their play.

It seems to be working, as the new Hurricanes have managed to win 6 on the trot. The only note of concern is that they seem to be struggling to finish off the opposition! A goal difference of +7 after winning 7 and losing just 2 is testament to the fact.

The wins over Holy India and Tepalguana were, as you may expect, close affairs both by a 2-1 scoreline. Ya and Wicks scored against Holy India, with Bendy and Ya again doing the damage against Tepalguana.

"Obviously I would like to see us score 4 or 5 a game, but the narrow wins keep the excitment there for the crowd, and while we are winning, who is really going to complain too much!" said Piper afterwards.

At the half way stage of qualifying, Halfassed are 2nd behind SN38 and looking good to progress

Mid-Cycle Group 1 Review Show

Eagles Nest Leading Halfway Through

Scenes of the 5-0 drubbing the Nest gave Larkinia open to the show as it fades to a small set with a podium, a TV, and a man.

Welcome, and I am Sam Smith. Hope you enjoyed watching the 5-0 win over Larkinia just before this telecast. As promised, we shall look at the group.

First the standings as they are now:

[code:1:2891e533ab]

Pos Team P W D L F A GD Pts PP
1 The Eagles Nest 9 8 1 0 24 7 17 25 52
2 Total n Utter Insanity 9 7 1 1 20 6 14 22 49
3 Audioslavia 9 6 2 1 14 8 6 20 47
--------------------------------------------------------------
4 Grand master Mark 9 5 1 3 20 14 6 16 43
5 New Montreal States 9 3 2 4 18 16 2 11 38
6 East Spaam 9 2 3 4 14 13 1 9 36
7 Larkinia 9 2 2 5 10 17 -7 8 35
8 Kendelstand 9 2 1 6 7 17 -10 7 34
9 New Luca 9 2 1 6 8 22 -14 7 34
10Presgreif 9 0 2 7 5 20 -15 2 29
[/code:1:2891e533ab]

The Nest has a gull 3 points on 2nd place TnUI, and a good 9 poins over 4th place Grand master mark. The Nest is in a good place right now.

So the key games that the Nest has to do well in? well, it's pretty clear. TnUI, Audioslavia, and Grand master Mark are critical games. Win at least 2 of them, and we are more than likely moving on to the World Cup.

So we have our prognosticators looking at the future matches and here is what they predict:

[code:1:2891e533ab]
Jimmy's Predictions

Pos Team P W D L F A GD Pts
1 The Eagles Nest 18 16 2 0 43 11 32 50
2 Total n Utter Insanity 18 13 1 4 37 18 19 40
3 Grand master Mark 18 13 1 4 39 23 16 40
4 Audioslavia 18 12 3 3 25 12 13 39
5 New Montreal States 18 8 2 8 30 27 3 26
6 Kendelstand 18 5 2 11 15 29 -14 17
7 East Spaam 18 4 4 10 21 25 -4 16
8 Larkinia 18 4 4 10 18 35 -17 16
9 New Luca 18 3 2 13 18 39 -21 11
10Presgreif 18 0 3 15 13 40 -27 3

Bob's Predictions:
Pos Team P W D L F A GD Pts
1 The Eagles Nest 18 16 1 1 37 10 27 49
2 Total n Utter Insanity 18 14 2 2 31 11 20 44
3 Audioslavia 18 14 2 2 26 12 14 44
4 Grand master Mark 18 10 3 5 33 24 9 33
5 New Montreal States 18 5 4 9 27 27 0 19
6 Kendelstand 18 5 3 10 14 25 -11 18
7 East Spaam 18 4 5 9 22 24 -2 17
8 Larkinia 18 5 2 11 16 28 -12 17
9 New Luca 18 3 3 12 13 34 -21 12
10Presgreif 18 0 3 15 9 33 -24 3

Grog's Predictions:

Pos Team P W D L F A GD Pts
1 The Eagles Nest 18 16 1 1 42 13 29 49
2 Total n Utter Insanity 18 14 2 2 37 13 24 44
3 Audioslavia 18 13 3 2 26 13 13 42
4 Grand master Mark 18 10 4 4 35 25 10 34
5 Larkinia 18 6 3 9 21 31 -10 21
6 New Montreal States 18 5 4 9 30 30 0 19
7 East Spaam 18 4 6 8 24 25 -1 18
8 Kendelstand 18 4 2 12 15 31 -16 14
9 New Luca 18 2 3 13 15 38 -23 9
10Presgreif 18 0 4 14 11 37 -26 4

Sweezel's Predictions:

Pos Team P W D L F A GD Pts
1 The Eagles Nest 18 16 2 0 43 14 29 50
2 Total n Utter Insanity 18 14 2 2 36 14 22 44
3 Audioslavia 18 12 4 2 27 16 11 40
4 Grand master Mark 18 9 5 4 33 24 9 32
5 Larkinia 18 6 3 9 23 30 -7 21
6 New Montreal States 18 5 5 8 31 31 0 20
7 East Spaam 18 4 6 8 26 27 -1 18
8 Kendelstand 18 4 3 11 16 31 -15 15
9 New Luca 18 2 2 14 13 36 -23 8
10Presgreif 18 1 2 15 11 36 -25 5

[/code:1:2891e533ab]

Well, the only question here is who gets the third spot. Everyone agrees that the Nest and TnUI should move on to the World Cup.

Some some silly stats. The Nest is tied for the second best record in all qualifying at 8-1-0, second in scoring, second in Goal Differential, has 5 clean sheets, the most in group 1 play, and both Josh Adams and Horace have gotten hat tricks so far.


I hope you've enjoyed the run so far, I know I have. When we are down to 4 games remaining, we will have a final analysis show. Until then, I'm Sam Smith.



The Eagle's Nest vs. Kendelstand Win 4-0
The Eagle's Nest @ Audioslavia Tie 1-1
The Eagle's Nest vs. New Luca Win 5-3
The Eagle's Nest vs. Total n Utter Insanity Win 1-0
The Eagle's Nest @ East Spaam Win 4-2
The Eagle's Nest vs. Grand master Mark Win 2-1
The Eagle's Nest @ New Montreal States Win 1-0
The Eagle's Nest vs. Presgreif Win 1-0
The Eagle's Nest @ Larkikia Win 5-0
The Eagle's Nest @ Kendelstand
The Eagle's Nest vs. Audioslavia
The Eagle's Nest @ New Luca
The Eagle's Nest @ Total n Utter Insanity
The Eagle's Nest vs. East Spaam
The Eagle's Nest @ Grand master Mark
The Eagle's Nest vs. New Montreal States
The Eagle's Nest @ Presgreif
The Eagle's Nest vs. Larkikia

da daa da dadada daa...

Amanda: And after that excruciatingly long commercial break, welcome back to BSTV Sports Tonight. Never mind that it's not night anymore.

Chuck: It took our statisticians a bit longer than usual to compile their predictions after finding out that they'd only stored data from the first two matchdays, but here they finally are!

[code:1:4f26741143] Pos Team P W D L F A GD Pts
1 Bedistan 18 17 1 0 33 12 21 52
2 Kerla 18 14 2 2 33 13 20 44
3 Dennisov 18 9 3 6 28 22 6 30
4 Tadjikistan 18 8 1 9 27 28 -1 25
5 Intelligent Madness 18 7 2 9 23 25 -2 23
6 Belmorian Scandinavia 18 6 4 8 18 23 -5 22
7 Bobbystan 18 6 3 9 24 33 -9 21
8 Aerigia 18 6 1 11 31 37 -6 19
9 Vollmeria 18 4 6 8 23 29 -6 18
10 Keyshona 18 1 1 16 19 37 -18 4[/code:1:4f26741143]

Amanda: As you can see, practically no changes. Intelligent Madness should move just ahead of Belmorian Scandinavia and Bobbystan is likely to leapfrog Aerigia, but nothing of importance will change. It looks like Bedistan and Kerla will completely run away with the group, with Dennisov qualifying in third a good 22 points off the pace. Oh, and that predicted draw for us -- yes, it is against Dennisov.

Chuck: And as for Group 8...

[code:1:4f26741143] Pos Team P W D L F A GD Pts
1 Tingitana 18 14 3 1 30 17 13 45
2 Spaam 18 14 2 2 28 10 18 44
3 Dance 2 Revolution 18 12 2 4 30 17 13 38
4 The Belmore Family 18 12 2 4 35 25 10 38
5 Lovebug 18 7 3 8 27 24 3 24
6 Alex The Tall 18 4 6 8 24 30 -6 18
7 ElephantandCastle 18 4 3 11 23 32 -9 15
8 Raptor Claw 18 2 6 10 16 28 -12 12
9 Carpet 18 3 3 12 24 38 -14 12
10 Dadostan 18 1 4 13 19 35 -16 7[/code:1:4f26741143]

Chuck: This can't possibly be right...but that's what our statisticians are saying. They're saying that not only will Tingitana qualify, they'll win the group. Now that would probably cause a revolution. The loss, in case you're interested, is predicted to be against the Belmore Family, with a draw in Dadostan, of all places. They're saying they'll beat Spaam away 2-1...rubbish, I say. But I guess we'll see.

Amanda: That's all for tonight...this morning...and this afternoon. For Chuck Mitchell and the BSTV crew, I'm Amanda Butt saying so long and don't forget to watch Vollmeria v Bedistan tonight at eleven!

From the KaMaRi Update

Coming Back
The match between Danilotown and the Orange-Blues ended 3:1 for the Rejistanians. The most shocking moment was when Danilotown in the 24th minute took the lead after a more than questionable penalty kick. Referee Mirc from Abysmalistan generally had not his best day, the good weather in the first half apparently confused him. The bright sun in Danilotown was totally unknown for Mirc, so he wore dark sunglasses.

The Orange-Blues had the better start, but Danilotown was not the kind of opponent which get trashed 4-0 easily. The best team among the unranked did everything not to make this match too embarassing for them. The Danilos had some good chances, but the Orange-Blue defense had not that much problems with them. The Orange-Blues actually scored in the 16th minute, but Mirc didn't count it due to an offside position of Ra'he. In the 24th minute, the referee saw a foul of Xeran Susu on <Danilodefender>. A penaltykick was awarded to the Daniliens and Xeran was sent off. <Danilomidfielder>'s shot got past Nana Daki and the Daniliens were leading 1:0. The Orange-Blue fans were shocked. The team played their System Imdila in the more offensive way, Takil'he and Jetta'he prefer, dominated the Daniliens and had many good chances, despite an impossible referee, who fortunately was not biased for one side but simply Abysmal. Tihrana equalized in the 34th minute in a counter attack. Y'he brought the Orange-Blues ahead in the 43rd minute. <Danilogoalie> had no chance to parry.

During half-time the weather changed and heavy rain started which made the playing field a swamp. This conditions made a good game impossible. The Orange-Blues had a slight advantage since sometimes the league doesn't end when the monsoon starts. Despite that, Y'he's second goal was only a fluke. Mirc made the highest amount of mis-decisions since Gurg left the CL, questionable offside-decisions, fouls which he just did not see and general incompetence. After the game ended with the score of 3:1 for the Orange-Blues, reporters wanted to ask him questions, but he refused to answer them and left the stadium with his guide dog and his white stick.

The result:
Danilotown 1 (<Danilomidfielder>24th)
Rejistania 3 (Tia~e 34th, Y 43rd 67th)

How Come We Suck So Bad?

Since defeating Rejistania in matchday 2, Squornshelous has gone on a 7 game winless streak, recording 6 draws and 1 loss. Our team faces the very real possibility of failing to qualify for the cup for the first time ever. It is inexplicable that such a talented team can possibly perform so poorly. In the second half of qualifying, we wil need to win most of our games just to make a run at third place. This is, without a doubt, the sh*ttiest qualifying Squornshelous has ever had.

DP

Thank you for co-operating with our monthly giant monster drill. We now return you to your regularly scheduled programming.

THE BUREAUCRATIC BROADCASTING NETWORK
GIANT EVIL SPIDER FOOTBALL: THE AFTERMATH

Ray McHale: And so it came to be that Oglethorpia's first major football achievement was winning the inagural Giant Evil Spider Football League championship.

Bruce Corwin: Ray Krusen came through with a major achievement in coaching that team of giant arachnids, following being fired after his job coaching the World Cup 7 national squad.

Ray: Now, let's go down to Mike interviewing one of the former spiders of Oglethorpia's Giant Evil Spider Football League team.

[Down to Mike, sitting at a table before a massive spider.]

Reverend Mike White: So Guy -- or El Fuego, or whatever your name was when they changed all the names around for the second season -- what have you been doing now following the collapse of Giant Evil Spider football?

Guy/El Fuego: [Rubs his mandibles together as if awaiting a delectable meal.]

White: Hmmm...alright. We'll assume that's nothing. Oh, hold on. Ray's tryin' to tell me somethin'.

Ray: Mike, that brobdingnagian arachnid looks mighty hungry.

White: Yes he doe- oh what the hel-

[The former Oglethorpian Giant Evil Spider Football League player tears through the desk seperating him from Mike White and devours the Oglethorpian broadcaster whole.]

White [in the maw of the spider that is devouring him]: It's better to burn out than fade awwwaaaaayyyyyy!!

[The Reverend Mike White is devoured. The camera man is seen scurrying out the back door as the camera feed cuts off.]

Ray: NOOOOOOOOOO!!!

Bruce: Ladies and gentleme- gelt- gemtendlenam - gen - the Reverend Mike White is no more -- meeting his end on live television. He knew the danger, and yet he accepted that to bring us the very finest interview of a giant arachnid ever. Oh Mike, how we honor you.

Eduardo Escobar: I can only imagine Mike traveling to the acidic pits of that malevolent spider's stomach. The churning, frothing ac-

Ray: Stop.

Eduardo: The acids working it's magic on the great Reverend-

Ray: Stop. Now.

Eduardo: Devoured in his prime, torn limb from limb-

Ray: I SAID STOP!

[Ray McHale proceeds to punch Eduardo Escobar in the jaw. The television feed cuts off to static, then returns to a white screen as words appear on the screen.]

WHITE SCREEN: We are experiencing technical difficulties -- in the meantime, enjoy elevator music brought to you by the fine folks at Amalgamated Industries -- the very best in elevator music.

How dare the NEWI Cefn Druids escape our terrible tripping teabags!

Turnia City Tribune

Associated Press Quick Flash

... and all good things... Turnia 2 - 4 The Lowland Clans

Game 10 has started the home stretch much like the qualifing began, with trouncing by The Lowland Clans. The Dragons loss ended their short-lived winning streak at 2 games.

The steady play of GK Donald Heinz turned to very timid, prompting HC Odle to pull him in favor of backup Martin Villarreal, who gave up a late goal ending the Dragons chances of pulling out a draw. "The Lowland Clans are a great team, but we were clearly over-matched. Or just perhaps I was" said GK Heinz after the game. "Donald has nothing to hang his head about, this is a team and this loss was a team effort. We didn't score enough, we didn't defend enough and I obviously didn't do a good enough coaching job" said HC Odle.

All good things must come to an end, however this loss is the beginning of the end.

APQF

Strike Birds Continue Pace

2-1 Win Over Kindelstan Widens Lead over TnUI

Mario Gratunia and Siggy Secour scored in the second half to over come a 1-0 deficit to win 2-1.

With the Nest hosting Audioslavia tomorrow, the team flew back early to get some rest and as such very little comment was heard from the team. This game is the first game in a key stretch that contains Audioslavia, Total n Utter Insanity, East Spaam and Grand master Mark in the next 5 games. The win coupled with TnUI's tie today gives the Nest a 5 point lead over both TnUI and Audioslavia. 4th place Grand master Mark is now 11 points behind the Birds.

The Eagle's Nest is now one of only undefeated teams, with Snub Nose 38 and Bedistan being 10-0-0; The Nest, Kaze Progressa, One Red Dot, and Brazillico being 9-1-0, and Tanah Burung and Gesamtkuntswerk being 8-2-0. Tingitania, which was undefeated got their first lost today.



The Eagle's Nest vs. Kendelstand Win 4-0
The Eagle's Nest @ Audioslavia Tie 1-1
The Eagle's Nest vs. New Luca Win 5-3
The Eagle's Nest vs. Total n Utter Insanity Win 1-0
The Eagle's Nest @ East Spaam Win 4-2
The Eagle's Nest vs. Grand master Mark Win 2-1
The Eagle's Nest @ New Montreal States Win 1-0
The Eagle's Nest vs. Presgreif Win 1-0
The Eagle's Nest @ Larkikia Win 5-0
---------------------------------------------------------------------
The Eagle's Nest @ Kendelstand Win 2-1
The Eagle's Nest vs. Audioslavia
The Eagle's Nest @ New Luca
The Eagle's Nest @ Total n Utter Insanity
The Eagle's Nest vs. East Spaam
The Eagle's Nest @ Grand master Mark
The Eagle's Nest vs. New Montreal States
The Eagle's Nest @ Presgreif
The Eagle's Nest vs. Larkikia

[code:1:8b5f9127b5]
Group 1 Standings - MD 10
Pos Team P W D L F A GD Pts PP
1 The Eagles Nest 10 9 1 0 26 8 18 28 52
2 Total n Utter Insanity 10 7 2 1 20 6 14 23 47
3 Audioslavia 10 7 2 1 17 9 8 23 47
4 Grand master Mark 10 5 2 3 21 15 6 17 41
5 New Montreal States 10 3 3 4 19 17 2 12 36
6 East Spaam 10 2 4 4 16 15 1 10 34
7 Larkinia 10 2 3 5 10 17 -7 9 33
8 Kendelstand 10 2 1 7 8 19 -11 7 31
9 New Luca 10 2 1 7 9 25 -16 7 31
10Presgreif 10 0 3 7 7 22 -15 3 27
[/code:1:8b5f9127b5]

Presgreif becomes the first team eliminated from winning the group. They however can still mathematically qualify.

…A Dish Served Cold
Melmond Proves Its Footballing Superiority over EL CID THE HERO
By Zuke McKenzie of the O’Connor Times

O’CONNOR, MELMOND—The last meeting between these two sides was certainly an affair to forget for the Melmond National Team. Not only were all the fans arrested before the game, but Melmond lost out on a missed call by the referee, where EL CID THE HERO striker Diego Macarena deflected the ball in the net with his hand in what is called “el mano del perro.” That missed call gave Melmond a loss in a game they should have escaped with at least one point. The rematch was tonight at Woocat Books Ballpark in O’Connor, where the Forsaken Farmers have many things to prove in this match.
The Forsaken Farmers were treated to a much better ambience for the rematch. The game was not sold out, but it got a marked boost as the promoters of the event sold tickets for half price to all who were jailed in EL CID THE HERO. Despite the love the team has for the fans, admittedly it was not the biggest factor, the weather was. It was an unseasonably chilly night in O’Connor. Usually on nights like these the retractable roof of Woocat Books Ballpark would be closed. However, knowing that the EL CID THE HERO side is not used to such cold conditions, they left the roof open to give a big advantage to the Forsaken Farmers.
The Melmond strategy was to play a slow tempo, make sure that EL CID THE HERO doesn’t warm themselves up with hustle. They will hope that the cold conditions can impede their play. Much of the play in the first half was rather dull, but rather brilliant strategy as Melmond was trying to lull the EL CID THE HERO side to sleep with their passes back and forth from the defence to the midfield. As they did this, they were trying to find a lapse of attention and a back door to a goal. Shots on goal were few and far between for Melmond in the first half, as the Forsaken Farmers didn’t find seams too often. When they did, the shots weren’t all too powerful and the EL CID THE HERO goalkeeper didn’t have too much trouble stopping them.
However there were two conversions in the first half. At the 31st minute, Melmond midfielder Camui Arai was able to find a path through the EL CID THE HERO defence. The pressure was really put on now that a seam was found. As defenders hurried to stop the speedy Arai, Arai makes a pass to club teammate Mornakh the Bloody Handed who puts a hard shot away into the net. Melmond grabs the 1-nil lead as the crowd seems temporarily satisfied.
Mornakh the Bloody Handed was also responsible for the other conversion as he outmuscled the EL CID THE HERO marker to gain the perfect position to obtain the headed on ball. He then turns around. The EL CID THE HERO goalkeeper makes his move too soon and Bloody Handed kicks the ball in the net the opposite way the EL CID THE HERO goalkeeper had dived. Mornakh the Bloody Handed’s second goal of the match makes the score 2-nil at the 42nd minute. The crowd seems a little more confident of their Forsaken Farmers with their stellar performance in the first half.
Surprisingly, Manager Felix Coostatlwak made some changes for the second half. Melmond’s leading scorer Chris Owen was struggling in the first half, his headers were off target. Coostatlwak is going to give him a rest and put in local boy and Alan City player Benjamin Leeb. Also Camui Arai had some painful cramps in his quadriceps. He was rested and replaced by O’Connor Greens midfielder Rainy Zoulthane, who used to be Leeb’s teammate.
Their chemistry would prove to work out. At the 71st minute, Melmond midfielder made an amazing display of speed and dribbling. Every time she evaded a challenge by an EL CID THE HERO player, the crowd shouted out “Ole!” She later passed the ball to midfielder Rainy Zoulthane. Zoulthane rushed toward the goal with the ball. She makes a motion with her foot as if she was going to pass to Benjamin Leeb so he can put it away. The goalkeeper bites on the fake and Zoulthane was able to put it in the net herself. Rainy Zoulthane gets her first ever goal in international play as Melmond takes a 3-nil lead. The fans knew they were on the verge of victory.
This feeling was prevalent mainly due to the immaculate play of the Melmond defence and the overpowering athleticism of Melmond goalkeeper Snhp Xtfuinxm. The defence never gave the EL CID THE HERO attack a good opportunity for a shot on goal. Most shots on goal were desperate attacks easily swept up by Xtfuinxm. Xtfuinxm also thwarted many attempts at passes and crosses which would have made solid goal opportunities for EL CID THE HERO. Melmond gets their revenge with a convincing 3-nil victory over EL CID THE HERO, therefore proving their football superiority. Revenge is a dish best served cold, and the Melmondian weather goddess certainly was at the aid of the still Forsaken Farmers. But the forsaken now has a beacon of hope to be known as fearless once again.

Goals
Bloody Handed, MEL 31st
Bloody Handed, MEL 42nd
Zoulthane, MEL 71st

Cards
None

Standings

Other Group 10 Results
Oceaice 0 – Eauz 2
Lallania 0 – Europa Brittania 3
The Confederate 2 – Brazillico 2
Largent 0 – The Weegies 2

[code:1:ce602e3b8b]Group 10
Pts W D L GF:GA GD
1. Brazillico 28 9 1 0 27:8 19
2. Eauz 24 8 0 2 19:5 14
3. Europa Brittania 23 7 2 1 19:5 14
4. The Confederate 15 4 3 3 19:19 0
5. EL CID THE HERO 12 4 0 6 12:18 -6
6. Melmond 11 3 2 5 14:16 -2
7. The Weegies 10 3 1 6 8:13 -5
8. Largent 7 2 1 7 10:19 -9
9. Oceaice 7 2 1 7 10:20 -10
10. Lallania 7 2 1 7 9:24 -15[/code:1:ce602e3b8b]

Melmond Team Stats
Goals: Chris Owen (4), Mornakh the Bloody Handed (4), Critandi Unne (2), Benjamin Leeb (1), Diallo Unne (1), Rainy Zoulthane (1)
Cards: Chris Owen (1), Kestrel Bluesummers (1), Scott Cheney (1), Jonsi Torrini (1), Cristina Antunez (1)

The Melmond National Team Schedule

@ EL CID THE HERO L 2-1
@ Oceaice T 1-1
v Largent (Microcosm Stadium, Aldi) W 3-0
@ The Confederate T 3-3
v Lallania (Xpress Counsel Field, Cali) L 3-2
@ Eauz L 3-0
v Europa Brittania (Feliz-Unne Stadium, Unne) L 2-0
@ Brazillico L 2-0
v The Weegies (Frankndottir Stadium, Acosta) W 1-0
v EL CID THE HERO (Woocat Books Ballpark, O’Connor) W 3-0
v Oceaice (Lifedonations Stadium, Morales)
@ Largent
v The Confederate (MPNK Stadium, Faasen)
@ Lallania
v Eauz (White Bread Dome, Suburbia)
@ Europa Brittania
v Brazillico (Melmond Bowl, Melmond City)
@ The Weegies

Next Game
vs. Oceaice (Lifedonations Stadium, Morales)

Despite the momentum of the Melmond National Team and its possible emergence from Forsaken back to Fearless, this match vs. Oceaice may actually be tougher than the previous two matches. Certainly, Oceaice isn’t nearly as talented as The Weegies or EL CID THE HERO, but Melmond has already lost to a lowly team at home when they played Lallania. Melmond must not take anything for granted in this match and play at its best to make this homestand a very happy event. Manager Felix Coostatlwak makes only one change to the starting lineup, bringing controversial defender Paul “Edgy” Shields to the starting lineup in the place of Sergio Ortiz. Paul “Edgy” Shields is a native of Morales and plays for Morales Blacks, the club team in the city. He will also give Melmond physicality to grind down the fast and furious Oceaice attack.

GK- Snhp Xtfuinxm
D- Jonsi Torrini
D- Paul “Edgy” Shields
D- Scott Cheney
D- Nina Steen
M- Martin Goodwin
M- Critandi Unne
M- Camui Arai
M- Cristina Antunez
F- Mornakh the Bloody Handed
F- Chris Owen

Lifedonations Stadium
Location: Morales, Melmond
Seats: 33,550 (Open Air)
Morales is the 8th largest city in Melmond and has been made famous by the macabre novels of Orphan Saffron in which Morales was the location. Lifedonations Stadium is the smallest stadium in terms of seating for use in World Cup Qualifying. Lifedonations Stadium is one of the many stadiums built during the uprise in the popularity of the Batter Up Baseball League. It was originally meant for baseball only, but once the Melmond Premier League started up, the Morales Blacks used the stadium in the off-season. Tickets are quickly selling! All fans will receive the rally farmer hat upon entering the stadium.

SPAAM SPORTS DAILY

And we're back again....

Spaam Walks Over Carpet Again

Spaam went to Carpet with a less than impressive away record, but still
managed to dominate the new team. The Carpetian defense was
impressive, and for the first half of the match managed to take whatever
the Spaamanians threw at them, and even got some shots on goal
themselves. But the second half saw Spaam come out flying, with the
Carpet players having no chance against the übertalent of Meren Lûin,
who scored in the 59th minute. Spaam tried to increase the lead
throughout the half, but the Carpet defense lifted their game, and again
matched the Spaamanian attack.

Carpet 0
Spaam 1
(Lûin 59)

The Back Page

[code:1:d67adae9a7]GROUP 8 P W D L F A GD Pts
Spaam 10 7 2 1 16 4 +12 23 WWLWWWDWDW
Dance 2 Revolution 10 7 2 1 19 8 +11 23 WWWLWWWDDW
Tingitana 10 7 2 1 16 10 +6 23 WWWWWWDWDL
The Belmore Family 10 7 0 3 23 15 +8 21 WLLWWWWLWW
Lovebug 10 5 1 4 17 12 +5 18 WLWWLLLDWW
Alex The Tall 10 3 3 4 14 17 -3 12 LWWLLLDDDW
Elephant and Castle 10 2 1 7 12 19 -7 7 LLLDLWWLLL
Raptor Claw 10 0 5 5 8 17 -9 5 LDLDDLLDDL
Carpet 10 1 2 7 12 23 -11 5 LDWLLLDLLL
Dadostan 10 1 2 7 12 24 -12 5 LLLLDLLWDL [/code:1:d67adae9a7]

[code:1:d67adae9a7]Spaam 3 Carpet 0
Spaam 1 The Belmore Family 0
Dance 2 Revolution 2 Spaam 1
Spaam 2 Alex The Tall 0
Lovebug 0 Spaam 2
Spaam 3 Raptor Claw 0
Tingitana 1 Spaam 1
Spaam 1 Elephant and Castle 0
Dadostan 1 Spaam 1
Carpet 0 Spaam 1
[/code:1:d67adae9a7]

[code:1:d67adae9a7]SPAAM P W D L F A GD Points
Total 10 7 2 1 16 4 +12 23
Home 5 5 0 0 10 0 +10 15
Away 5 2 2 1 6 4 +2 8[/code:1:d67adae9a7]

[code:1:d67adae9a7]No. Name P G Ave
[2] Meren Lûin 10 7 0.70
[1] Nala Eromleb 10 4 0.40
[3] Eman Olisade 8 2 0.25
[4] Eliza Dushku 6 1 0.17
[5] Elen Súrion 10 1 0.10
[6] Tomas Rasa 10 1 0.10
------------------------------------
[11] Alátari Súrion 10 4 0.40[/code:1:d67adae9a7]

[code:1:d67adae9a7]Highlight on Alátari Súrion
---------------------------
Minutes without conceding a goal: 163
Most minutes without conceding: 340[/code:1:d67adae9a7]

(ooc: see, I'm not dead. I just like to pretend as if I am. :P)

WIth the Team: Jungle Fever
Stumbling Ians chomped by Crocs in Tanah Burung

Jamie C. Peters
Ians Correspondent

LORO SAE, Tanah Burung -- There is something in the air of Loro Sae; every man on the Ians felt it.

“I can’t say I feel terribly comfortable here,” whispered reserve Tom Ravenhill while conducting an interview in one of the city’s drinking establishments. “I’d always heard that Tanah Burung was one of the most welcoming places in Earth, but I feel more out of place than when we were playing in Dianatran.”

The negative feelings certainly weren’t directed at the football team in particular; journalists and any other of His Majesty’s subjects doubtlessly came under one too many hard glances in what was thought to be the friendliest country in the globe.

Certainly the Ians, despite their fluke victory over Sqournshelous, cannot pose anything of a challenge to the mighty Crocs of Tanah Burung?

Regardless of the source of this negative energy, Maria Miskita used it to slice through an Ians defense wearied by the deleterious and unfamiliar jungle climate. After the game, the Ians were only too happy to flee Loro Sae, and their press contingent wasn’t far behind.

Tom Ravenhill, who scored Iansisle’s only goal long after the match had been decided, continued in his role as the team’s mouthpiece.

“They’re a good side,” he nodded. “Without a doubt the best in the group. I don’t think we were playing our best game, though: it should have been a lot closer. I hate to blame something like the weather - we should have done better regardless - but it was without doubt a factor. They’re used to playing in such hellish conditions; we’re not.”

Ravenhill grinned. “I can’t wait to get ‘em back on the Shield. We’ll see what happens then!”

The loss marked a low swing in Iansisle’s up-and-down qualifying campaign just after the high mark of beating Sqournshelous at home. Just where the Ians will head after this embarrassment is anyone’s guess, but Oglethorpia doesn’t seem likely.

----

Ians Ascendant!
A look back at the first nine games of World Cup XIV Qualifying

Edwin G. Blackstone
Unbridled Optimist and Columnist

WESTERGATE, Iansisle -- Where once there was only gloom, now there is light. Where once cigarette smoke hung heavy over the patrons eager only to drown their sorrows in cheap beer, now Crossley and Winks is the premier stop in a football town and the loud cheers of patrons for their country’s heroes push out any noxious fumes.

I joined the crowd at Crossley and Winks to catch the Ians’ game in Villita. Like most others, I had very little idea about who the Villitans were besides what I had read in the paper. Ordinarily, half the people listening to the game would be fretting about an unknown commodity; today, there was something different in the air. Something I hadn’t sensed since the SuperCup.

We went into Villita with the expectation that we were going to win. Not the hope that we might win: the full knowledge that there would be another notch in the ‘W’ column at the end of the day. And perhaps that was more important than any Lyon goal of the day: even when the Ians were stumbling, every fan and player knew that they would end the day victorious.

Such certainly isn’t the tradition of the Ians under David Westmore, who have failed to qualify for any World Cup since their first foray into the world of international footballing.

But these are the new Ians: only Alexander Truman remains from that team that entered World Cup X, and he was a snotty-nosed reserve back then. Now he leads a team of the most talented young footballers ever to issue from the Shield.

The defense and goalkeeping may not be as strong as it was under Conrad Brandt or Benny Answorth, but it’s good enough. The real highlight of these ‘new’ Ians is their offense: Truman is as solid as ever, but he’s far from the only show in town.

The real new phenomenon is twenty-one year old Brian ‘the Lion’ Lyon. Iansisle has a mixed record with producing talented forwards, so that every one who comes along is a real treat. While it may be a little early to make any predictions, it would certainly appear that Lyon is heading for the halls of Leonard Flaherty, John Copplestone, and Alexander Truman.

Backing up the flashy duo is any number of extremely talented youngsters, from starter Samuel Russel to stellar reserves Ravenhill and Murray. The midfield, under Westmore’s personal and careful direction, continues to perform strongly. The defense could be more steady, but Garsode and McCoy show definite potential. Richard Nielsen isn’t another Benny Answorth, but he’s more than adequate given the Ians’ new-found electrifying offense.

This new, high-scoring, free-wheeling attitude has served the Ians well over their past few matches. When the Ians played the Praying2God Warriors recently, the unfathomable happened: they outdrew the Gulls, who were playing a simultaneous high profile match against the Noropian All-Stars. Fueled by hype and the desire to be part of a magical qualifying campaign, tens of thousands swamped the tiny burgh of Westergate in an effort to gain admittance.

Sir Gregory Penns-McCormick, the director of Sports, Games, and Recreation, ever wary of another official rebuke from Westergate’s fire marshal, refused to admit more than twenty eight thousands people to the Football Grounds. The remainder, however, waited outside. To avoid a general riot, Sir Gregory set up loudspeakers and boomed IanCorp’s wireless broadcast of the match over Westergate.

I, watching from the comfort of the IanCorp broadcaster’s booth, though surely the world was coming to an end when Truman’s late goal put the Ians ahead. The roar shook the footballing grounds to its very foundations and was probably heard in Gadsan and the West Shield.

The future has never looked brighter for Ians football. I think I join with every man, woman, child, and inanimate object in the Commonwealth when I wish the Ians god-speed in their quest for international vindication!

----

Hawcoat Hangup
Get it? Ians draw with Hawcoat again.

Jamie C. Peters
Ians Correspondent

WESTERGATE, Iansisle -- Playing in front of a fully packed Footballing Grounds and thousands more in the streets of Westergate, the Ians had their first major setback since Tanah Burung.

Despite goals by Truman, Russel, and Pentonbridge, the Ians’ defense failed to hold 2-1 and 3-2 leads.

“We weren’t looking so good out there,” said head coach David Westmore of the draw. “I’ve come to expect a lot from this team, and I just don’t think we were playing up to out potential today.”

It may have only been a draw, but for fans and players who have come to expect a win every night, the single point just wasn’t enough.

“It’s all right,” said Tom Ravenhill, who didn’t play, after the match. “The troops have been rallied. We all know we could have done better out there, but it’s fine. This has just made us more eager to avenge ourselves in Crystilakere.”

The defense and goalkeeping certainly has fallen far in past World Cups. Much of the blame has to fall on Benny Answorth’s shoulders. The lanky Gadsani may have been a premier goalkeeper in his time, but he’s proven a less-than-inspirational leader off the field.

The Star-Tribune asked Westmore if he planned to keep Answorth on his coaching staff after this disaster.

“Benny’s a good man,” the former midfielder replied with only a second’s hesitation. “I’ve spoken to him about the team and all, and he agrees there’s a lot we could do to improve. But Benny’s given all he has - more - to make the team a success. He’s one of the most dedicated people I’ve ever known.”

Not a definite answer, perhaps, but better than nothing. Westmore was then asked about the upcoming match in Crystilakere.

“They have a good side,” he said. “Better than most realize. They beat us once here; I intend not to let that happen again. Do I think this draw might put us wrong mindset? No, not at all. I’ve never seen such dedication from a team of players, not since the SuperCup. Right after we walked off the field, guys like Alex[ander Truman] and Tom [Ravenhill] were giving pep-talks and everyone was cheering. With an attitude like that from the players, I don’t see how we could lose.”

http://www.internews.tj/russian/images/newlogo1.gif


Whats wrong?

Dushanbe - Noone really understands whats wrong with the national team, after a win against Bolmorian Scandinavia, they tied with Vollmeria and now they lost from Intelligent Madness, not exactly one of the strongest teams. So why arent we winning more? Could it be what the coach said, a bribed ref? TNFF still havent found the answer (or they have and dont wish to make it public). Things should absoluty change in the future if this team wants to get somewhere.

Their first opportyniuty to change the situation will come tomorrow when they play the 11th match against Aerigia in the Buranbay Stadium at Dushanbe. Tadjikistan lost the first match with 1-3, they had the chance to learn and will most certainly try to take revenge. Could be an interesting match.

M1: Tadjikistan - Intelligent Madness W 2-1
M2: Aerigia - Tadjikistan W 1-3
M3: Tadjikistan - Keyshona W 3-1
M4: Bobbystan - Tadjikistan L 2-1
M5: Tadjikistan - Bedistan L 1-2
M6: Kerla - Tadjikistan L1-0
M7: Tadjikistan - Dennisov L 1-4
M8: Belmorian Scandinavia - Tadjikistan W 1-2
M9: Tadjikistan - Vollmeria T 1-1
M10: Intelligent Madness - Tadjikistan L 3-1
M11: Tadjikistan - Aerigia
M12: Keyshona - Tadjikistan
M13: Tadjikistan - Bobbystan
M14: Bedistan - Tadjikistan
M15: Tadjikistan - Kerla
M16: Dennisov - Tadjikistan
M17: Tadjikistan - Belmorian Scandinavia
M18: Vollmeria - Tadjikistan

NEWSFLASH:

Giant Zucchini has overcome Shang-Ti to put them in prime position for a place in the World Cup. Once again, Plaat was in fine form, making the saves when they counted. Phoot put his credentials right in front again, scoring a scintillating hat-trick. Head Coach Mr Hurr, "I think we have a good chance of qualifying. The good thing is that we are playing well. If we can keep this going and retain this consistancy through the Cup, we should be doing well this time round."

Quick OOC Note to hosts: This is the major exam week for me and thus I will incorporate MDs10 and 11 together into one RP sometime tomorrow. Apologies for lack of RP.

Good 'greif, stop Larking about
'slaves narrowly get by Presgreif and Larkinia

Audioslavia notched only two goals in two games against two of the lesser sides of group 1.

Travelling away to bottom side Presgreif, Audioslavia looked dead and devoid of ideas before an again dissapointing Jeff Jordan was replaced by Jordi Neeskens, and the Barcoenfogo midfielder set up Audioslavia's only real chance of the game for Jonny Willow who duly slotted the ball home. It was a chance that even an Audioslavian striker couldnt miss.

The form of O`Malley and Willow has been shocking recently. Although Willow is prolific for his Belmorian side Alan City, and O`Malley is a regular goalscorer for Marjory City F.C., their international form has tailed off since the final games of World Cup 13's qualifying. Xavier is an ever-ready substitute who is never used, and it would be nice to see the young gun have a proper crack of the whip sometime soon. All he needs to do is convince Branson to drop the tired old system of 'get the balls to O`Malley and Willow and let them do the work'.

The next game, a home game against Larkinia, highlighted all that was wrong about Audioslavia's tired 3-5-2 system. The wingers were still able to dominate the full-backs with the aid of the extra midfielders, but when Jensen's or Faulder's crosses dont come off, the three-man defence seems entirely unequipped for a counter-attack. Even back when the change in formation to 3-5-2 got the 'slaves to the World Cup final, people were asking questions, especially as the two scorelines preceding the Rejistania defeat were 5-4 and 4-3 - Conceding seven goals in two matches is no way to win world cups. Nor is it any reason to base your team around the said formula for eight years.

Larkinia made a good show of themselves in Soundgardia, and deserved to take the lead twice as again the feeble back-line was breached.

James Scott and the upright kept the 'slaves level until the stroke of half time, where Croft picked up a loose ball on the edge of the area and gave it a no-nonsense smack into the top corner.

The second half of the game was a shambles. Audioslavia looked utterly inept and incapable of adding to their lead whilst Larkinia's increasingly tired players ran out of ideas. Unsurprisingly, only one chance was created in the second half, as the Larkinian number eight skyed a header well into the Audioslavian night.

FINAL SCORES
Presgreif 0
Audioslavia 1 (Willow 69)

Audioslavia 1 (Croft 45)
Larkinia 0

[code:1:a563e6967a]Table - Group 1
The Eagle's Nest 8 7 1 0 19-7 22
Total n Utter Insanity 8 6 1 1 17-5 19
Audioslavia 8 5 2 1 12-8 17
Grand Master Mark 8 4 1 3 16-13 13
New Montreal States 8 3 1 4 17-15 10
East Spaam 8 2 2 4 13-12 8
Larkinia 8 2 2 4 10-12 8
Kendelstand 8 2 1 5 7-15 7
New Luca 8 2 1 5 7-18 7
Presgreif 8 0 2 6 4-17 2 [/code:1:a563e6967a]

To be fair to the 'slaves, the two matches have garnered six points, and Audioslavia sit four points clear of the pack in the third qualifying position, behind form-teams TnUI and The Eagles Nest.

Grand Master Mark and New Montreal States continue despite some falterings, whilst East Spaam seem to have finally pulled themselves together, although they are now nine points off the pace.

I've been Jeremy Jaffacake, g'nite bitches

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------

Kendelstand, you got the juice to fill my cup
nur nur nur nur ner ner ner nuur nur nur nur ner ner ner*

An Audioslavian team still in their 'transitional' period managed to overcome Kendelstand yesterday.

The travelling 'slave circus netted two goals late in the first half through Jensen and Croft, after Kendelstand had caused some problems earlier.

Willow and O`Malley were improving. Although neither scored, their interplay to set up Jensen's goal made up for their lost ability to take chances.

FINAL SCORE
Kendelstand 0
Audioslavia 2 (Jensen 36, Croft 44)

Nuke Luca
Three first-half goals take 'slaves six points clear

In a scintillating first-half display, Jonny Willow and Aaron O`Malley combined to produce their best performance in years for the 'slaves.

O`Malley showed his old brilliance in the run-up to goal number one as he nut-megged the Luca full-back and sent Willow through on goal. Willow feigned a shot, checked back, and played off a cheeky flick for Faulder to dive in at the far post.

O`Malley set Willow up again a minute later, as his trickery on the edge of the box pulled the defence out of position, and his lay-off for Willow was rifled past a stranded goalie by the 28-year old striker.

O`Malley scored the third goal himself in first-half stoppage time after he controlled a cross beautifully with his left foot and volleyed into the top corner with his right. It seems the 32 year old striker has still got what it takes.

The second half performance however, needed a little more to be desired, as the side seemed all to content to lay back. New Luca were allowed to get back into the game, and on the hour the Luca number 11 got past a lack-lustre defence and finished clinically past Scott to decrease the three-goal deficit.

The number 11 would have another good chance later, but Scott saved well and Pearce cleared the ball from the danger area.

FINAL SCORE
New Luca 1 (Number Eleven, 61)
Audioslavia 3 (Faulder 12, Willow 13, O`Malley 45)

[code:1:a563e6967a]
Pos Team P W D L F A GD Pts
1 The Eagles Nest 10 9 1 0 26 8 18 28
2 Total n Utter Insanity 10 7 2 1 20 6 14 23
3 Audioslavia 10 7 2 1 17 9 8 23
----------------------------------------------------------
4 Grand master Mark 10 5 2 3 21 15 6 17
5 New Montreal States 10 3 3 4 19 17 2 12
6 East Spaam 10 2 4 4 16 15 1 10
7 Larkinia 10 2 3 5 10 17 -7 9
8 Kendelstand 10 2 1 7 8 19 -11 7
9 New Luca 10 2 1 7 9 25 -17 7
10Presgreif 10 0 3 7 7 22 -15 3
[/code:1:a563e6967a]

Audioslavia now find themselves on level terms with TnUI in second place, although the 'slaves goal difference is vastly inferior to the insanicians. The Eagles Nest look safe at the top, a whole eleven points clear of fourth place.

In the chasing pack, Grand Master Mark are struggling six points behind, whilst New Montreal States and East Spaam seem to have fallen off the pace completely, eleven and thirteen points off of third place respectively. Larkinia are making a good show of themselves, running the Eastern Spaamanians and the Maple-leafed dudes close, but the bottom three of Kendelstand, New Luca and Presgreif dont seem to have what it takes.

After a dissapointing start to the campaign, Audioslavia look in good stead to qualify, although they face some tough tests in their next three games. They failed to beat leaders The Eagles Nest and East Spaam at home when it mattered last time round, so they'll be looking for some points off of the two teams to make up. The TnUI home game sandwhiched between the two will give the 'slaves a chance for revenge after their 3-0 drubbing on MD 3.

As long as the 'slaves can get results over the chasing pack, mainly Grand Master Mark and New Montreal States, they should be on to qualify for their eighth world cup in succession.

I've been Jeremy Jaffacake, g'nite bitches

*(C) Soundgarden - 'Kickstand' 1994

From the pages of The Red Dot Informant

Victory Continues, ORD Claims Top Spot

Once again, One Red Dot has earned more victories, and almost by sheer chance, has made it to the top of the table. Gesamtkuntswerk's 1-1 draw with Shang-Ti held their victory record back and allowed the Wolves to become Number 1.

Continuing from the previous article, the victory run then hit Wella at the Chisai'nihon Stadium. With the roaring fans cheering the pack of Wolves on, One Red Dot won 2-0.

Then travelling to one of the most prominent nations in the world, Nankaland, but perhaps not one of the best football teams as One Red Dot finished off the halfway-mark match with a 4-0 thrashing.

The process started again as the Wolves saw themselves in Clearwater, not only keeping the 2-goal margin (winning 2-0, but also had a clean sheet.

Now, Shang-Ti provides one final front before One Red Dot faces Gesamtkuntserk and Giant Zucchini again.

WCIV Group 9 Qualification Tables, provided by Oglethorpia and edited by TRDI Statistics Editor, Anna Liszt
[code:1:744e36ecd5]
GROUP 9 P W D L GF GA GD Pts
One Red Dot 10 9 1 0 24 7 +17 28
Gesamtkuntswerk 10 8 2 0 18 4 +14 26
Giant Zucchini 10 8 0 2 18 7 +11 24
Wella 10 4 2 4 13 12 +1 14
Aquilla 10 4 2 4 11 13 -2 13
Shang-Ti 10 2 3 5 18 22 -4 9
Jeruselem 10 2 3 5 12 17 -5 9
The mighty spurs 10 2 1 7 16 21 -5 7
Nanakaland 10 2 0 8 11 26 -16 6
Clearwater 10 1 2 7 9 21 -12 5
[/code:1:744e36ecd5]

It seems that there is no way the bottom 7 can overtake so now it is a matter of pride as the top 3 teams try to be first.

Match Fixtures for One Red Dot, {MD11~18}
11: One Red Dot v Shang-Ti @ Chisai’nihon Stadium
12: Gesamtkuntswerk v One Red Dot @ Gesamtkuntserk #
13: One Red Dot v Giant Zucchini @ Royal Red Dot National Stadium #
14: The might spurs v One Red Dot @ The mighty spurs
15: Aquilla v One Red Dot @ Aquilla
16: One Red Dot v Jerusalem @ Westshores Stadium
17: Wella v One Red Dot @ Wella
18: One Red Dot v Nanakaland @ Royal Red Dot National Stadium

# Matches to watch

[code:1:4ebfb4258e]
OUR GOALS SCORED (17)
AVERAGE NO. OF GOALS SCORED PER GAME (1.7)
GOALS AGAINST US (12)
AVERAGE NO. OF GOALS SCORED AGAINST US (1.333333333)

GROUP 8 TOTAL SCORED (INCLUDING LOVEBUG) (149)
AVERAGE NO. OF GOALS SCORED PER TEAM (14.9)
AVERAGE NO. OF GOALS SCORED PER GAME PER TEAM (1.49) (DOWN)

GROUP 1 TOTAL SCORED (153)
AVERAGE NO. OF GOALS SCORED PER TEAM (15.3)
AVERAGE NO. OF GOALS SCORED PER GAME PER TEAM (1.53) (DOWN)

GROUP 2 TOTAL SCORED (161)
AVERAGE NO. OF GOALS SCORED PER TEAM (16.1)
AVERAGE NO. OF GOALS SCORED PER GAME PER TEAM (1.61) (DOWN)

GROUP 3 TOTAL SCORED (150)
AVERAGE NO. OF GOALS SCORED PER TEAM (15.0)
AVERAGE NO. OF GOALS SCORED PER GAME PER TEAM (1.50) (DOWN)

GROUP 4 TOTAL SCORED (185)
AVERAGE NO. OF GOALS SCORED PER TEAM (18.5)
AVERAGE NO. OF GOALS SCORED PER GAME PER TEAM (1.85) (SAME)

GROUP 5 TOTAL SCORED (160)
AVERAGE NO. OF GOALS SCORED PER TEAM (16.0)
AVERAGE NO. OF GOALS SCORED PER GAME PER TEAM (1.60) (DOWN)

GROUP 6 TOTAL SCORED (155)
AVERAGE NO. OF GOALS SCORED PER TEAM (15.5)
AVERAGE NO. OF GOALS SCORED PER GAME PER TEAM (1.55) (UP)

GROUP 7 TOTAL SCORED (158)
AVERAGE NO. OF GOALS SCORED PER TEAM (15.8)
AVERAGE NO. OF GOALS SCORED PER GAME PER TEAM (1.58) (UP)

GROUP 9 TOTAL SCORED (150)
AVERAGE NO. OF GOALS SCORED PER TEAM (15.0)
AVERAGE NO. OF GOALS SCORED PER GAME PER TEAM (1.50) (UP)

GROUP 10 TOTAL SCORED (147)
AVERAGE NO. OF GOALS SCORED PER TEAM (14.7)
AVERAGE NO. OF GOALS SCORED PER GAME PER TEAM (1.47) (SAME)

TOTAL POINTS SCORED IN WC 14 (1568)
AVERAGE NO. OF GOALS SCORED PER TEAM (15.68)
AVERAGE NO. OF GOALS SCORED PER GAME PER TEAM (1.568) (DOWN)

LOVEBUG IS ABOVE AVERAGE FOR NO. OF GOALS SCORED PER TEAM
[/code:1:4ebfb4258e]

IN DEPTH LOOK AT THE TEAMS

HOME TEAM - RAPTOR CLAW
LOCATION: RAPTOR
UN CATEGORY: DEMOCRATIC SOCIALISTS
POPULATION: 256 MILLION
MOTTO: "Arrrhchhhhhhh"
NATIONAL ANIMAL: Raptor
CURRENCY: The Claw
DESCRIPTION: The Sultanate of Raptor Claw is a huge, environmentally stunning
nation, remarkable for its strong anti-business politics. It’s hard-nosed
population is fiercely patriotic and enjoys great social equality; they tend to
view other, more capitalist countries as somewhat immoral and corrupt.
The government -- a sprawling, bureaucracy-choked, socially-minded
morass -- is effectively ruled by the Department of Law & Order, with areas
such as Social Welfare and Religion & Spirituality receiving almost no funds
by comparison. The average income tax rate is 43%, but much higher for the
wealthy. The private sector is almost wholly made up of enterprising
fourteen-year-old boys selling lemonade on the sidewalk, although the
government is looking at stamping this out.
Tourists from around the world come to visit the country's famous
rainforests, all major public areas are watched by police surveillance
cameras, a ban on unsolicited cold calling in all forms is in effect, and
pharmacies close down as the government sells medicinal drugs freely.
Crime is moderate.
PRE-MATCHUP TEAM RECORD: 0 5 4
VISITORS - LOVEBUG
LOCATION: NORTH AMERICA
UN CATEGORY: CAPITALIST PARADISE
POPULATION: 868 MILLION
MOTTO: "All in the name of love, once more in the name of Love."
NATIONAL ANIMAL: French Bulldog
CURRENCY: The Puppy
DESCRIPTION: The Queendom of Lovebug is a huge, environmentally stunning nation,
notable for its punitive income tax rates. It’s hard-nosed, hard-working
population are either ruled by a small, efficient government or
a conglomerate of multinational corporations; it's difficult to tell which.
It is difficult to tell where the omnipresent government stops and the rest
of society begins, but it juggles the competing demands of Education,
Defense, and Law & Order. Citizens pay a flat income tax of 80%. A
powerhouse of a private sector is dominated by the Gambling industry.
The French Bulldog is a protected species; artists are pillars of society,
ethnic minorities are often refused admission to some of the nation's best
schools, and employers may fire workers without giving any reason. Crime
is totally unknown, thanks to the all-pervasive police force and progressive
social policies in education and welfare.
PRE-MATCHUP TEAM RECORD: 4 1 4


LNSNN NEWS BRIEF

BULLDOG’S DEFEAT RAPTOR CLAW ON THEIR OWN TURF (1-0). THE CLAW’S DEFENSE HAS IMPROVED SINCE THE LAST TIME WE MET, OR PERHAPS IT WAS JUST BEING ON THEIR HOMEFIELD.
POINT SCORED BY # 09 Quinn "The Navigator" Sid IN THE FINAL MINUTE OF THE MATCH-UP.
LOVEBUG IS NOW 5-1-4, 16 WC POINTS.
TONIGHT WE FACE TINGITANIA A SUPRISING POWERHOUSE IN THIS TOURNAMENT AS THEY JUST SUFFERED THEIR 1ST LOSS OF WC 14 YESTERDAY AT HOME AGAINST ALEX THE TALL (A TEAM THAT THE DOGS MANAGED TO TIE WITH).

The Daily Druid

DRUIDS IN LUCKY ESCAPE
Wayne Ottgunn-Irwin on The Evil Umpire 0 NEWI Cefn Druids 1

The NEWI Cefn Druids football team were ontheir way home last night, after having a run in with the tripping tea bags of The Evil Umpire. After winning their match there by a goal to nil, with Trevor Simpson netting the winner, the team were blocked from returning to the changing rooms by two tripping tea bags. After carefully negotiating their outstretched legs, they made it to the changing rooms. From here, striker Simon Greaves takes up the story.

"We were s----ing ourselves! They didn't just have evil tea bags, but the players were all evil offspring of evil figures. Just look at their names and you can tell that. And they never spoke more than one sentance in succession. It was a nightmare!"

"It took us four hours to get out onto the coach to the airport. We had to go all the way to Melmond for safety, and that's a hell of a trip, I can tell you. We're just happy to be out of there, the win is just a bit of a bonus."

Indeed, the match itself was a but of a dull affair. Put off their usual game by the tea bags and the evil nature of their opposition, the Druids stumbled through the match. The only goal came accidentally, when Simpson ran through on goal, stumbled over one of the tea bags and landed on top of the Evil keeper Vlad Hussein, and the ball carried on into the empty net.

The win keeps the Druids in a comfortable fourth place, five points behind Ravenspire in the third and final qualifying position, but six ahead of Airenguo in fifth. From here on in, it will be a major surprise if they finish anywhere other than fourth, but then the Druids have always had that surprise element about them.

Final score:
The Evil Umpire 0
NEWI Cefn Druids 1 [Simpson 60]

They were so evil, they made a double post! The absolute...

(at this point, we cut away from what's going on, for decency's sake.)

Jeruselem Government News

Jeruselem salvages draw

With U-21 members fielding the defense and Captain Harry Kewell out with a hamsting injury, a depleted Jeruselem entertained the crowd with a 2-2 draw against Wella. Wella scored first Jeruselem keeper Abdulla spilled a ball and <Player X> pounced in the 17th minute. A minute later, a comical fall by <Player Y> gave Wella a penalty and Wella was 2-0 up. The game dragged on with Wella content to hog possession and frustrate the Crusaders.

David Becks got elbowed in the head by a defender in the 80th and swung in a classic free kick to give hope to Jeruselem. The two Goldsteins teamed up to steal possession with Mimmi running down the left flank to loop a pass to the Rabbi who evaded a stumbling defender and pass score under the keepers legs.

GROUP 9
The mighty spurs 1 - 2 Gesamtkuntswerk
Shang-Ti 1 - 3 Giant Zucchini
Clearwater 0 - 2 One Red Dot
Nanakaland 1 - 3 Aquilla
Wella 2 - 2 Jeruselem

Its tight at the top.

Europa Brittania today placed their qualification hopes back on track after a comprehensive 3-0 away win over lallania. Restoring some much needed confidence in the squad.

Fresh from their damaging draw against The Confederate, EB were no closer to solving their striking crisis. With Michele Lomardi ruled out for up to two weeks with a persistant muscle strain, and Derek Lionel struggling after picking up a virus, Alistair Hughes has been forced into fielding Gareth Higgins as a fully fledged starter, and switching to a 4-4-2 in order to accomodate the loss of Lionel.

Thankfully, this makeshift eleven managed to see of their opposition, and retain second place by their very fingertips.

Higgins opened the scoring on thirteen minutes, a low driven cross from Khandrias met his outstretched left boot and rifled through the keepers legs to set the former world champions off.

Lallania cracked a hellacious volley off the bar barely two minutes later, with Hansen well beaten.

EB made the game as safe as could be expected from this team shortly before half time. A long ball from O'Hanrahan was knocked down by Higgins, and swept into the bottom corner by Lester. The Brittanian fans and coaching staff could finally breathe a sigh of relief.

Kiwitz, not to be outdone, had the final say. A sweeping free kick in from the left found him, and taking a deft cutback to elude the Lallanian left back, powered an effort into the net, despite the fingertips of the goalkeeper, securing the three points and much needed win.

FINAL SCORE

Lallania 0 Europa Brittania 3

Higgins 13
Lester 41
Kiwitz 78

[from The Third Age of Bedistani Football (© about 20 years in the future), Chapter 6]*

...although many critics were certain that everything would collapse after the halfway point, it simply did not appear to be. Indeed, in their very next game, the Lions would score more goals[42] than they had since they faced Talyllyn eight years earlier. Vollmeria, entrenched in ninth place in the group, was the opponent, and the Lions played away. Aye, the silver and blue did dominate that day! Neighbors, Vu, McGarity, and even 19-year-old substitute winger Zeke Roberts would all send the ball into the net once each, with Delk letting through only a 64th-minute penalty kick. The crowd at the top was thinning, with the mighty Brazillico finally succumbing to a draw, leaving only the Lions and the Snub Nosed Hooligans with perfect records ten matches in. Things indeed looked bright, with Bedistan needing just eight points to lock up qualification even just past the halfway point...

[42] Final score: (<player> pen 64) Vollmeria 1 - 4 Bedistan (McGarity 12, Vu 33, Neighbors 70, Roberts 81)

* idea blatantly stolen from Audioslavia, of course :P

[from The Third Age of Bedistani Football (© about 20 years in the future), Chapter 6]*

...although many critics were certain that everything would collapse after the halfway point, it simply did not appear to be. Indeed, in their very next game, the Lions would score more goals[42] than they had since they faced Talyllyn eight years earlier. Vollmeria, entrenched in ninth place in the group, was the opponent, and the Lions played away. Aye, the silver and blue did dominate that day! Neighbors, Vu, McGarity, and even 19-year-old substitute winger Zeke Roberts would all send the ball into the net once each, with Delk letting through only a 64th-minute penalty kick. The crowd at the top was thinning, with the mighty Brazillico finally succumbing to a draw, leaving only the Lions and the Snub Nosed Hooligans with perfect records ten matches in. Things indeed looked bright, with Bedistan needing just eight points to lock up qualification even just past the halfway point...

[42] Final score: (<player> pen 64) Vollmeria 1 - 4 Bedistan (McGarity 12, Vu 33, Neighbors 70, Roberts 81)

* idea blatantly stolen from Audioslavia, of course

The following is the remains of a memo sent from Audioslavian historian Kevin Frost to the Bedistani Historicatical Society, dated around 20 years into the future

...otherf*cker, you steal my ideas again and im gonna kic...

...ll the way to Belmond you pric...

...tupid as they were before they merged wi...

...distani plagiari...

...astards. Why i augh...

...ont care that you won World Cup 18...

...yway, why do you keep reffering to yourself as 'ex-champions'?...

...ound like a Liverpool Europer...

...l have you know we have a population of 4 bi...

...nd we got to the final of World Cup Twe...

...ont care how long ago it wa...

...ill a superpower even tho...

...ified for sixteen years it doesnt mat...

...distani twa...

unfortunately, the letter was burned on arival by King Vu of Bedistanithorpia Heights, so these are the only remains of the letter.

ooc: :D

...ont care that you won World Cups 14-18...

Fixed your typo. :P

...ont care that you won World Cups 14-18...

I haev n0 p3n1s :P

fixed your typo :)

Belmorian football - "mildly errotic"

It emergered last night from the high offices of Disguised Porn magasine that the Belmorian style of football can only be described as "mildly errotic". A survey across the country showed that though many people thought of it as more of a minor turn on a large majority gave the above classification. Intrestingly enough the Manhattanites (CH) got the ranking "full blown orgasmic" but the Belmorian next opponents, Spaam could only muster a "turn off" status.

We are unsure whether these revelations will lead to a win in our crucial next match against Spaam.

The Bureaucratic Tribune
The Bureaucratic States' most readily available publication.

Oglethorpian national side offense selected
Oglethorpian striking duo van Mistletoe and Green to represent their country

By Bill Christmas

OGLETHORPIA (BT) -- Hjörtur Green and Ruben van Mistletoe were a striking duo to be reckoned with when the two played side by side. Unfortunately, Green was only on loan from SpVgg Stuttergart -- and van Mistletoe's own club F.C. Boca Senior Citizens never spent the money to purchase Hjörtur Green, despite an amazing five matches when the two were teammates. However, the striking duo will be reunited come Oglethorpia's first matches in the first round of World Cup 14 as both Hjörtur Green and Ruben van Mistletoe will be making up the two-man offense of the Oglethorpian national side.

The two strikers' appointment to represent their country by the Bureaucratic States Football Association brings the amount of new national squad players to three -- in a move to replace the nine retirees of the fabled-Wonderteam before the beginning of World Cup 14. Surviving the World Cup 13 Wonderteam are Hans Gelb and Rodney Heathen, who with one Cup under their belts, have become the veterans of the squad.

Despite the overall novice-ness of the Oglethorpian squad going into World Cup 14, critics have nothing but good to say of Hjörtur Green and Ruben van Mistletoe -- perhaps two of the best up and coming strikers in all the Bureaucratic States.

Hjörtur Green is known by Stuttergart fans as "The Viking;" "I don't quite understand it myself," says Green concerning the matter. "Maybe it's because 'Hjörtur' is a Scandinavian name -- or whatever -- and they associate the two. I don't really care if they call me that. But it's not like i'm going to run around shouting 'THE VIKING IS VICTORIOUS!'"

The real story behind Hjörtur's nickname begins with his own decision to change his name from Earl to Hjörtur. "I guess it just sounded cool," Green reflects. "It [Earl] was a redneck name. It was as if I were a farmboy, and I came from Kingsford -- one of those Kingsford rednecks who just happened to get to play domestic football. I had to change my name. Hell, I don't even know if there are even farms in the Bureaucratic States."

For Hjörtur Green grew up in the high-rises and steel-and-glass jungle of Megalopolis City, the very pinnacle of white-collar Oglethorpian business.

Green moved to Sheffingham and a fine appearance in 2nd Division football with Vegan Athletic earned him the attention of SpVgg Stuttergart manager Pancrazio Albert-Albertson Black, who would eventually sign the 25-year old attacker.

"The kid was fantastic. He was a good striker -- but I was moreso taken by the grand sense of the lad. We're talking about a player who recognized he was part of a scene -- van Mistletoe is a great player, no doubt -- but here you have a player who knows that sometimes he's got to play a supporting role, and does it perfectly. That's what impressed me, that he knew how to score goals, but also knew when to step back and set others up for the greater good of the team. Y'know, not one to take glory, but just ready to do what the club needed to win. That was what Stuttergart needed and he's proved to be a great addition to the squad."

"That's a mighty amount of praise," reflects Hjörtur on his manager's comments. "I'm not that good -- that's too much flattery. I play the role I need to."

"I'm always taken by Hjörtur's skill," says teammate Jesús Éclair. "He's a guy that definitely knows the meaning of teamwork. That might just be his greatest legacy."

Hjörtur Green's five game loan with F.C. Boca Senior Citizens never came to fruition -- as he returned to his home club without being signed by the club he was on loan to. Not only that, but it nearly ended in injury for Hjörtur -- when a corner kick was thwarted and van Mistletoe took advantage of the loose ball to let off a shot of his own. Said shot beaned Hjörtur Green in the back -- who, while incapacitated for a good length of time after the match, was lucky to not have his back broken by van Mistletoe's scorcher.

"There are no hard feelings," says Green. "It only makes me appriciate Ruben [van Mistletoe]'s skill even more, that he could do that with a football!"

van Mistletoe has expressed regret over the incident -- and also relief at Hjörtur's attitude of the matter. "As long as it doesn't get in the way of some good footballing representing our country."

Ruben van Mistletoe has been regarded by 1st Division statisticians across the country as one of the league's up-and-coming strikers, as is Hjörtur Green -- but their style of play is the greatest variance between the two young Oglethorpians.

"Ruben is so straight ahead," comments World Cup Watch commentator Ray McHale. "Hjörtur Green is about teamwork -- playing the necessary role. van Mistletoe makes no bones about it -- he is the star here, fully ready to go solo and score a goal on his own for the glory. van Mistletoe will capitalize on the solo opportunity -- Hjörtur [Green] will consider his options. That doesn't make van Mistletoe any less of the player, or Hjörtur any better -- it's the perfect dynamic for this World Cup 14 squad, for one to be ready to charge ahead and the other to be ready to do some thinking."

While Ruben readily accepts praise, he has bigger dreams for himself -- to one day have several products bearing his name and even appearing on television in all range of adverts.

"It'd be really cool if I had my own instructional video too," says van Mistletoe.

Both strikers have expressed great enthusiasm in being able to play together again. "We'll definitely see what we can come up with -- I absolutely had a blast when I was on loan with Ruben's club and am really looking forward to be playing along with him again," says Hjörtur Green.

"Absolutely," van Mistletoe says, expressing the same sentiment. "I feel we're really going to be devastating out there -- we really compliment and complete each other and i'm sure we'll do our country proud."

Le LIBRE

Smooth Road Trip

Les Bleus started the second half off in the middle of a three game road trip which started off in Lallania where Les Bleus won 1 – 0, going to Oceaice and finishing off in Europa Britannia. Les Bleus arrived in Oceaice which is a Democratic Socialist country, which is a bit like the government of Eauz.

Like many of the matches Les Bleus have played, the stadiums have been packed to see the dominant Eauz offence and marvellous defence. This match would not be different, for the Fans in Oceaice would be treated to what Les Bleus had. The last match these two met, Les Bleus brought out an early thrashing of the Oceaice team, winning 4 – 2 in the end.

Les Bleus wanted to take an early control of the match, and break the hearts of the fans early, so as to get the fans out of the match. Unfortunately it was Oceaice who got off to the strong start. Player number 32 a mid-fielder for Oceaice played spoiler against Les Bleus, as he got past the Iron curtain defence of Les Bleus, kicking it on goal. Yeuseuv fortunately was in place and caught the ball. Number 32 would once again be a pain during the 38th minute of play, the player found a team-mate open and passed it too him, only to go off the top of the bar, a very close call for Les Bleus. The first half ended without a strong attack by Les Bleus. The coach was not impressed and had to talk to his team.

In the second half, the fans were more impressed by the Eauz team, for they had changed since the first 45 minutes of play. The first goal of the match came during the 75th minute of play when Les Bleus put on the pressure. A free kick was awarded to Les Bleus after Rousseu was tripped up, and Les Bleus capitalised on it, as the ball was deflected off the head of Soiy going into the net. Les Bleus went up 1 – 0 on an exciting late goal. Les Bleus were looking to wrap up the match in a 1 – 0 victory, but in the 90th (+1:20) minute of play, Les Bleus found their way into the Oceaice zone, and put a shot on goal, which went into the top left corner of the net, putting Les Bleus up 2 – 0. The late goal sent a moan throughout the crowd.

The next match, Les Bleus will be playing against Europa Britannia, where Les Bleus must expect a win to have a chance to catch up with Brazillico.

*Sorry this Rp sucks, I just haven’t felt like doing a great RP.

[code:1:b07354fbc8]
Pos Team P W D L F A GD Pts PP
1 Brazillico 10 9 1 0 27 8 19 28 52
2 Eauz 10 8 0 2 19 5 14 24 48
3 Europa Britannia 10 7 2 1 19 5 14 23 47
4 The Confederate 10 4 3 3 19 19 0 15 39
5 EL CID THE HERO 10 4 0 6 12 18 -6 12 36
6 Melmond 10 3 2 5 14 16 -2 11 35
7 The Weegies 10 3 1 6 8 13 -5 10 34
8 Largent 10 2 1 7 10 19 -9 7 31
9 Oceaice 10 2 1 7 10 20 -10 7 31
10 Lallania 10 2 1 7 9 24 -15 7 31
[/code:1:b07354fbc8]



Match Day 1: Oceaice @ Eauz W 4 - 2
Match Day 2: Europa Britannia vs Eauz L 1 - 0
Match Day 3: Eauz @ BrazillicoL 1 - 2
Match Day 4: The Weegies @ Eauz W 0 - 1
Match Day 5: Eauz @ EL CID THE HERO W 2 - 0
Match Day 6: Melmond @ Eauz W 0 - 3
Match Day 7: Eauz @ Largent W 2 - 0
Match Day 8: The Confederate @ Eauz W 0 - 2
Match Day 9 : Eauz @ Lallania W 1 - 0

Match Day 10: Eauz @ Oceaice W 2 - 0
Match Day 11: Eauz @ Europa Britannia
Match Day 12: Brazillico @ Eauz
Match Day 13: Eauz @ The Weegies
Match Day 14: EL CID THE HERO @ Eauz
Match Day 15: Eauz @ Melmond
Match Day 16: Largent @ Eauz
Match Day 17: Eauz @ The Confederate
Match Day 18: Lallania @ Eauz

LOVEBUG RP TO COME IN THE MORNING, TOO MUCH EXCITEMENT TONIGHT OVER OUR VICTORY AGAINST TINGITANA! :D

The halftime whistle has just blown and Brazillico finds themselves down to The Confederate, 2-0. To even further take the wind out of Brazillico's sails, The Confederate just scored their second goal of a Bo Duke strike with seconds to go in the half. Alex and Sandro Cannon walk off the pitch side by side and have a few words as they're about to go into the tunnel.

Brazillico History: Matchday 10

Cannon the First: Dude, what the f*ck?

Cannon the Second: I f*ckin' know.

Kingsforder the Only (From the Stands): Gay Porn! Get your gay porn!
---------------------------------
Brazillico 2 S. Cannon 52, A. Cannon 66
The Confederate 2 Crazy Cooter 25 B. Duke 45

Man of the Match: Rosco P. Coltrane

LOVEBUG RP TO COME IN THE MORNING, TOO MUCH EXCITEMENT TONIGHT OVER OUR VICTORY AGAINST TINGITANA! :D

Spaam RP to come tonight, too much excitement over Lovebug's victory over Tingitana and Spaam's draw against TBF, proving Spaam is ultimately better than TBF :P

Shang-Ti National News Agency –

TIGRES CLAW ONE RED DOT’S WIN STREAK

In an amazing show of resilience, the Shang-Ti Tigres blemished One Red Dot’s perfect scoring record of the past four matches by pulling out a 2-2 draw today. The crowd at Chisai’nihon Stadium went silent as Forward Steve Chui drew first blood in minute 14. One Red Dot was able to tie up the match 1-1 during minute 32, and break ahead 2-1 during minute 48. However, Forward Shin Gong’Xi was able to score in minute 68, and the Tigres kept attempt after attempt at bay to keep the final score tied 2-2.

Coach Stuart Lin praised his backfield for excellent defense, as well as star goalkeeper Michael “Twiggy” Peters for keeping the match at a draw. “Look, we’re going up against our top ceded team in the group. They’ve had some incredible momentum coming into this match with their shut-outs the past four matches.”

Coach Lin continued to extol the virtues of his defense in light of the Tigres’ first foray into International Football, and their international inexperience. “I’m not trying to be pessimistic. If anything, I’m trying to put a positive spin on the situation. It’s pretty clear who the top three teams are in our group. The fact we were able to hold a tie with One Red Dot was pretty exciting, in my book.”

This draw brings the Tigres’ current stats to 2 (W) – 4 (D) – 5 (L) in Group 9.

http://www.internews.tj/russian/images/newlogo1.gif

Getting back on track


Dushanbe - The national team could finally write another win behind their name, an important one after a couple of lesser matches. Tadjikistan had clearly learned from the mistakes it made in Aerigia and played as if their lives depended on it. Aerigia couldnt do anything to stop Tadjikistans lead scorer Cherniakhovskij who scored 3 goals, securing the win for the Tadjiks. In the 82th minute Zhukov added a fourth goal to that total.

The national team will now move to Keyshona to play the 12th match of these qualifications, Tadjikistan won the first match and wants to do it again. Experts dont think this match to be a problem, Keyshona is last in the group with only 4 points. After Keyshona there will be a harder task to take revenge against Bobbystan.

[code:1:cfbfe49df2]
Table - Group 6
Bedistan 11 10 1 0 24-8 31
Kerla 11 8 2 1 23-7 26
Dennisov 11 7 1 3 21-12 22
Tadjikistan 11 5 1 5 19-19 16
Belmorian Scandinavia 11 4 3 4 11-13 15
Intelligent Madness 11 4 2 5 15-15 14
Aerigia 11 3 2 6 21-26 11
Bobbystan 11 3 0 8 13-26 9
Vollmeria 11 1 5 5 13-21 8
Keyshona 11 1 1 9 11-24 4
[/code:1:cfbfe49df2]

M1: Tadjikistan - Intelligent Madness W 2-1
M2: Aerigia - Tadjikistan W 1-3
M3: Tadjikistan - Keyshona W 3-1
M4: Bobbystan - Tadjikistan L 2-1
M5: Tadjikistan - Bedistan L 1-2
M6: Kerla - Tadjikistan L1-0
M7: Tadjikistan - Dennisov L 1-4
M8: Belmorian Scandinavia - Tadjikistan W 1-2
M9: Tadjikistan - Vollmeria T 1-1
M10: Intelligent Madness - Tadjikistan L 3-1
M11: Tadjikistan - Aerigia W 4-2
M12: Keyshona - Tadjikistan
M13: Tadjikistan - Bobbystan
M14: Bedistan - Tadjikistan
M15: Tadjikistan - Kerla
M16: Dennisov - Tadjikistan
M17: Tadjikistan - Belmorian Scandinavia
M18: Vollmeria - Tadjikistan

Sowhatsville News

Hurricanes hold off Ravens.

The match of the day in group 3 finished goalless as the Hurricanes held off a strong effort from the Ravens. After losing by 1-0 when the teams met in the Commonwealth Stadium, Halfassed knew they would have a tough time holding off the Ravens and maintaining their 2nd place in the group.

Piper changed to a more defensive 4-4-2 formation, with Sherwood being the man dropped. Halfassed's top goal scorer has been struggling to find his form recently, and it was no real surprise that Wicks and Ya were chosen to lead the line. Unfortunatly, the inexperience of the two youngsters meant that Halfassed never really managed to put any pressure on the Ravens goal, only a 30 yards shot from Ya giving the keeper any kind of trouble.

At the other end of the park, David was kept busy in the Hurricane net, and Small was lucky to stay on the park after what seemed to be a professional foul on #9. The ref only gave her a yellow card, and Halfassed escaped again when the free-kick rattled the crossbar.
Most of the game was played in the middle of the park, with neither side giving way easily. Both Bendy and Gormant received yellow cards along with the Ravens #8. Gormants card was his 5th of the qualifying meaning he sits out the vital next game against group leaders Snub Nose 38.

While the draw means Halfassed maintain 2nd in the group, it has allowed SN38 to pull further clear at the top, while the NEWI Cefn Druids have closed the gap to the qualification spots in 4th.

SPAAM SPORTS DAILY

The results are official....

Spaam Is Better Than The Belmore Family

It may have only been a draw, but Spaam is still unbeaten by the Belmore
Family, proving once and for all, that Spaam pwns TBF. The match, held in
the slum neighbourhood of the Belmorian capital, Alan Roxxor City, was a
Belmorian affair, with most Spaamanians unable to obtain tickets for the
match. This explained the tumultous boos that the Spaamanian team
received when they went onto the field, and the frenzied cheers that
heralded the Belmorian side. The game started with the Belmore Family
dominating the ball, pushing Spaam's defense to breaking point, and
managing to make a number of decent shots on goal.

Alan Belmore opened up the scoring in the 22st minute, outmaneuvering
defender Tomas Arnatú right in front of goal, and sending the ball zooming
past Alátari Súrion to the left. The match had to be stopped at that point
as the crowd went crazy, throwing bottles of light beer onto the field, and
giving midfielder Fin Drak a gash on the forehead, causing him to be
replaced by 16 year old Mykel Strvá. After the restart, Nala Eromleb
managed to make Spaam's first shot on goal, which went in, but he was
ruled offside in a very dubious decision on the part of the referee. Alan
Belmore scored again 4 minutes before halftime after more Belmorian
pressure, this time from a corner shot by Imafuken Belmore, sending the
Belmore Family to a 2-0 lead into the break.

During the break, however, Coach Méla Sëhelin came up with the bright
idea of giving one of the defenders, Mykel Zevlak, a lock of Nala Eromleb's
hair, remembering what happened in their last match-up. Sure enough,
once Alan Belmore was tackled by Zevlak, there was a bright flash, and
Belmore disappeared. The crowd were shocked in silence, but could do
nothing, as the game was paused, and the Belmorians found a
replacement. After this the dynamics of the game changed, and Spaam
started to show their dominance of the sport. Nala Eromleb scored their
first goal, with a beautiful left field kick in the 62nd minute, and Meren Lûin
found the equaliser just 10 minutes later, from an Elen Súrion cross.

However, Spaam failed to find the winning goal in the last 20 minutes of
the game, as the Belmorians consolidated their defense. The match ended
with Spaam and the Belmore Family tied 2-all in yet another exciting
match for the two teams. However, Spaam were the winners, as they
retained the Steve Riberio Trophy for the Sexiest Team Ever, and making
sure that United Spaam is still unbeaten by the Belmore Family. On an
unrelated note, Alan Belmore was found, unfortunately alive, in a
dumpster behind a bordello in Audioslavia.

The Belmore Family 2
(Belmore 22, 41)
Spaam 2
(Eromleb 62; Lûin 72)

Spaam Out For Revenge

Spaam have rarely wanted to win a match more than their match
tomorrow against Dance 2 Revolution, and everything points to them being
able to do just that. Spaam suffered their only loss of the qualifying
tournament in Dance's own nation, but this time Dance will be coming to
Spaam, to face one of the most impressive home records in the world.
Not only has Spaam not been beaten at home this year, or even by any
team bar Oglethorpia for over a decade, but Alátari Súrion has not given
away a single goal at home for the past 4 years. This fact does not bode
well for the visiting Dancers, but is welcome news for fans of Spaam in this
top of the table clash, which should see Spaam regain the lead in Group 8.

Lovebug Triumph Over Tingitana

After 9 unbeaten matches, Lovebug have handed Tingitana their second
loss in a row, and gained their third win in a row, completing the downfall
of the giant killers and their much awaited comeback. The 2-0 home win
saw Lovebug consolidate their 5th placing, and come within a win of the
Belmore Family, who sits in 4th place, a point behind Tingitana, and
another point behind Spaam. However, Lovebug may have to wait to put
another dent into the top group, as, with the exception of the Spaam vs
Dance match, the top teams should all have easy wins this weekend.

The Back Page

[code:1:f106331efa]GROUP 8 P W D L F A GD Pts Last 5
Dance 2 Revolution 11 8 2 1 21 9 +12 26 WDDWW
Spaam 11 7 3 1 18 6 +12 24 DWDWD
Tingitana 11 7 2 2 16 12 +4 23 DWDLL
The Belmore Family 11 7 1 3 25 17 +8 22 WLWWD
Lovebug 11 6 1 4 19 12 +7 19 LDWWW
Alex The Tall 11 4 3 4 17 17 0 15 DDDWW
Elephant and Castle 11 2 1 8 12 22 -10 7 WLLLL
Raptor Claw 11 0 6 5 9 18 -9 6 LDDLD
Carpet 11 1 3 7 13 24 -11 6 DLLLD
Dadostan 11 1 2 8 13 26 -13 5 LWDLL Prolly Eliminated[/code:1:f106331efa]

[code:1:f106331efa]Spaam 3 Carpet 0
Spaam 1 The Belmore Family 0
Dance 2 Revolution 2 Spaam 1
Spaam 2 Alex The Tall 0
Lovebug 0 Spaam 2
Spaam 3 Raptor Claw 0
Tingitana 1 Spaam 1
Spaam 1 Elephant and Castle 0
Dadostan 1 Spaam 1
Carpet 0 Spaam 1
The Belmore Family 2 Spaam 2
[/code:1:f106331efa]

[code:1:f106331efa]SPAAM P W D L F A GD Points
Total 11 7 3 1 18 6 +12 24
Home 5 5 0 0 10 0 +10 15
Away 6 2 3 1 8 6 +2 9[/code:1:f106331efa]

[code:1:f106331efa]No. Name P G Ave
[2] Meren Lûin 11 8 0.73
[1] Nala Eromleb 11 5 0.45
[3] Eman Olisade 8 2 0.25
[4] Eliza Dushku 6 1 0.17
[5] Elen Súrion 11 1 0.09
[6] Tomas Rasa 11 1 0.09
------------------------------------
[11] Alátari Súrion 11 6 0.55[/code:1:f106331efa]

The Daily Druid

TEA BAG TROUBLES CONTINUE
Wayne Ottgunn-Irwin on NEWI Cefn Druids 5 Holy lndia 2

After a run-in with the tripping tea bags of The Evil Umpire in their last match, it was the turn of the logarithmic tea bag of Holy lndia to face the Druids last night.

After escaping from the Evil Umpire just about unscathed, except for a little emotional stress for Trevor Belmore, who missed the match yesterday, the logarithmic tea bag posed a different problem, in that it could brainwash the Druid team with its superior mathematical powers. Indeed, as they went in for half time, the tea bag confused everyone in the stadium into thinking that Holy lndia = 2 and NEWI Cefn Druids = 0, even though nothing had been scored.

It was a cunning trick to get it into the lead, but, fortunately for the Druids, they manage to overcome it in the second half with five goals without reply. A hat-trick for young Liam Gessemschmitthaagen-Po and one eack for Simon Greaves and Trevor James sealed a victory that seemed unlikely after the first half brainwashing.

The Druids have now closed teh gap on the top three after the two teams above them, Ravenspire and Halfassedstates, drew with each other. However, it still seems likely that the Druids would have to win six of their last seven games to stand any chance of a top three finish, which, to be honest, aint gonna happen.

Final score
NEWI Cefn Druids 5 [Gessemschmitthaagen-Po 52, 57, 87, Greaves 68, James 69]
Holy lndia 2 [logarithmic tea bag (allegedly), two goals some time in the first half]

Druids' top scorers:

Gessemschmitthaagen-Po 6
Greaves 5
Frederiksson 3
Belmore 2
Kallins 1
Leyghton 1
Simpson 1
James 1

Somewhere in Far East Spaam....

WOOHOO! It was like, sweet man! Totally sweet! I mean, Elmo, he is like the greatest player, like, ever! And he got the ball in the 15th minute, and like, just shot it, you know, just, like, shot it past this Larkinian goalkeeper, and he like, scored, man. That was so sweet! But then, it was like bummer, cos then Larkinia, like, came back, and managed to get one past Michael Jackson, and I was like, bummer, man, cos like, we were tied in like, the 31st minute! And we like didn't get any more goals in the first half, you know? But then, Elmo just dominated in the second half, and Bush and Hussein like helped him heaps too, but it was like all Elmo man! He like got the ball and the goalkeeper had like no chance, and we were like winning man, like winning, and it was like totally sweet man, like totally! And then like 15 minutes later, it was like only the 72nd minute, and he totally socred again! Like, Bush had the corner shot, and he managed to get it, like, straight to Hussein, who headed it, but the keeper hit it away, but then Elmo, just totally headed it right past the keeper man, right past him. And we were like 3-1 and so winning, and the score stayed that way so were like, the winners, and it was like totally sweet! So that win was so needed man and it like means we now like, have a chance to qualify, you know man? And this next game of ours, we're playing this like totally crappy team called Kendelstand, and even though they got the, you know, home advantage, we're like, so going to win and like, we'll have even more of a like, chance man. And you know, thats whats like important and its totally sweet!

East Spaam 3
(Elmo 15, 57, 72)
Larkinia 1
(Cheney 31)

D2R Sport Interview

Matt: Hello, and welcome to D2R Sport Interview
Jeff: Today, after lack of coverage from the actual tournament due to TV rights(Damn the Progressans, they stole all our TV rights)
Matt: We will have talks with International Manager Terry Freeze and New Super Striker Kenkai

Cheer. Kenkai and Terry Freeze come out and sit on the long leather sofa.

Jeff: So, Terry. How has this campaign gone?
Freeze: Excellent!
Matt: Why so good?
Freeze: We are First! We’ve been higher than we ever have in our 2 previous cups!
Jeff: And higher is?
Freeze: Erm…First!
Matt: How did you prepare for you’re match against Spaam?
Freeze: Haha! We ate spam, what do you think?
Jeff: Why?
Freeze: To drop the Spaamian morale.
Matt: By eating spam?
Freeze: Yes.

M+J turn their attention to Kenkai

Jeff: So Kenkai. How does it feel to have the pressure of Dance 2 Revolution’s goal package on your shoulders?
Kenkai: It is OK; I’m used to pressure being one of the strikers of Max United.
Matt: How did it feel to score the winning goals against Spaam.
Kenkai: It was great! The reaction from the home croud was immense.
Jeff: What do you think of spam?
Kenkai: Spaam or spam?
Jeff: The food.
Kenkai: It’s not too bad; anything to demoralize Spaam is good. Top teams like Spaam, Eauz, The Belmore Family and others need solid strategies to defeat. We have found one that defeated Spaam, and hopefully this will work again when we travel to Spaam.

M+J turn back to Freeze

Jeff: Care to do a rundown of the teams in your group?
Freeze: Sure.
Matt: We will start from the top downwards…And since we are not asking about D2R, we know about them already, we start at Number 2…Spaam.
Freeze: Very talented team. Last Cup’s finalists and just lost out to Eauz, who we’ve also beaten by the way. Will be very hard to beat in our next match.
Jeff: Number 3…Tingitana.
Freeze: Use a very unorthodox style of football, seems to be working for them. Very unpredictable.
Matt: The Belmore Family.
Freeze: A lot of flair in the middle of the park, tend to use the strategy you score 1 and we’ll score 3 tactic as is proven by their Goals For and Against.
Jeff: Lovebug.
Freeze: Tricky, but can be an easy match if you get the tactics right.
Matt: Alex The Tall.
Freeze: Very tall…Tend to use their long legs not particularly wisely, give away a lot of needless free kicks and the goalkeeper seems easy to beat as long as you hit the ball low beyond the keeper’s arm reach.
Jeff: ElephantandCastle
Freeze: No Comment
Matt: Raptor Claw
Freeze: Foul a lot and tend to get away with it, but that is in their nature.
Jeff: Carpet
Freeze: Nice stadiums!!!
Matt: Care to give anything else.
Freeze: Need to train more before they can become a threat to any of the big names in International Football.
Jeff: Aaaand Dadostan…
Freeze: Interesting style…Not right for the competition yet.

Matt: That is all for now. From Kenkai, Freeze, Jeff and Me; goodbye!

Still the Forsaken Farmers
Melmond Continues Underwhelming Performances Against Cupcakes
By Gakk LaBouche of the Morales Inquirer

MORALES, MELMOND—The Melmond National Team looked to be on its way to rally like a championship thoroughbred rallies at the end to get the win, or in this case, win, place, or show. Melmond appeared to be on their way to a three game winning streak as the lowly Oceaice squad came to Lifedonations Stadium in Morales. The two wins in a row against rather good sides like The Weegies and EL CID THE HERO brought the Melmond fans’ hopes up. It also brought the attendance up as the Melmond National Team had their first sellout since the Europa Brittania match at Feliz-Unne Stadium in Unne.
The last match between Melmond and Oceaice was in Oceaice. It was at a point where Oceaice showed some potential for brilliance, at least on the offensive side. Having the support of their home crowd helped Oceaice tie Melmond. This time it looked as if all the signs pointed toward Melmond to easily win this match. Oceaice has shown that they really don’t have the talent that they hinted at in the beginning of qualifying. Melmond had the home fans behind them. Also Melmond was building momentum after two big ones. Everything seemed to point to a Melmond victory, but as usual, the performances continue to disappoint.
Melmond had a terrible start to the match. At the 10th minute, controversial Melmond defender Paul “Edgy” Shields made his presences felt to the world once again as he makes an overly aggressive and late tackle on Oceaice midfielder Vincent Di Bartolomeo. Shields gets the yellow card, reminding the world why he has led the Melmond Premier League in cards since its inception. Di Bartolomeo tried to play on during the match but eventually had to be substituted by Baghdad Yakhou. However, the pain didn’t stop Di Bartolomeo from making an excellent free kick over the Melmond wall. Melmond goalkeeper Snhp Xtfuinxm was able to get his hands on the ball, but wasn’t able to trap the ball. Oceaice striker Enis Saiti was Johnny on the spot and easily puts the ball in the net. Oceaice takes the 1-nil lead at the 13th minute. The Melmond fans still are optimistic about their chances of winning, as only thirteen minutes have gone by.
Instead, the fans were subjected to a slow-building frustration. Melmond had many chances to score the equaliser, but they were just the victims of close calls and bad aim. Melmond striker Chris Owen couldn’t seem to aim his flying headers very well in this game as most were sailing wide or over the bar. He had no success on corners or crosses. The other starting Melmond striker, Mornakh the Bloody Handed, blew many easy chances with errant shots, kicking the ball with too much enthusiasm to the point it just missed completely. Bad aim, along with mental mistakes such as bad fouls or off side calls plagued the Melmond attack during the entire first half. At the end of the first half, Oceaice has the lead 1-nil. The Melmond fans are growing restless.
As the second half began, the Melmond faithful began waving their rally farmer hats toward the field, hoping that the magic of the rally hat can rub off on the Melmond National Team. The Melmond defence certainly picked up the magic, as every attempt by the Oceaice offence seemed to be a dead-end. Melmond kept up with Oceaice with their tight marking, good position, well-time tackles, alert interceptions, and most importantly, superb goalkeeping by Snhp Xtfuinxm. The magic didn’t seem to rub off on Melmond strikers and leading scorers Chris Owen and Mornakh the Bloody Handed continued their offensive woes. They were substituted by the other two strikers, Benjamin Leeb and Diallo Unne. A defensive substitution was also made as Scott Cheney was substituted by Kestrel Bluesummers. Cheney played an excellent match and was applauded as he headed for the bench. Bluesummers was put in the game in hopes that her excellent long balls would catch the Oceaice defence off guard.
That wasn’t to be the case, but Melmond would eventually get its equaliser. Melmond defender Nina Steen passes the ball to midfielder Critandi Unne. Critandi Unne looked as if s/he was going to make a big play. Looks weren’t deceiving in this case. Challenge by challenge from the Oceaice defence resulted in passes back and forth between Critandi Unne and her teammates. Eventually, Critandi Unne let out a shot with supernatural bend. The ball just seemed to fade away from the expected path and Oceaice goalkeeper Remy Darchis had no chance whatsoever. Critandi Unne gave Melmond its equaliser and some glimmer of hope. The score was 1-1 at the 79th minute. It will end that way eleven minutes later plus injury time.
The Melmond National Team and its faithful left the pitch disappointed about the result, but optimistic that the momentum still remains. Finally scoring a goal after all the close calls can put some optimism back in the minds of the Melmond National Team and their countrymen. The next match is against Largent, a golden opportunity to end their cupcake struggles and road swoon.

Goals
Saiti, OCE 13th
C. Unne, MEL 79th

Cards
Shields, MEL 10th

Standings

Other Group 10 Results
EL CID THE HERO 1 – Largent 0
The Weegies 0 – The Confederate 2
Brazillico 3 – Lallania 1
Europa Brittania 2 – Eauz 2

[code:1:47641da0fe]Group 10
Pts W D L GF:GA GD
1. Brazillico 31 10 1 0 30:9 21
2. Eauz 25 8 1 2 21:7 14
3. Europa Brittania 24 7 3 1 21:7 14
4. The Confederate 18 5 3 3 21:19 3
5. EL CID THE HERO 15 5 0 6 13:18 -5
6. Melmond 12 3 3 5 15:17 -2
7. The Weegies 10 3 1 7 8:15 -7
8. Oceaice 8 2 2 7 11:21 -10
9. Largent 7 2 1 8 10:20 -10
10. Lallania 7 2 1 8 10:27 -17[/code:1:47641da0fe]

Melmond Team Stats
Goals: Chris Owen (4), Mornakh the Bloody Handed (4), Critandi Unne (3), Benjamin Leeb (1), Diallo Unne (1), Rainy Zoulthane (1)
Cards: Chris Owen (1), Kestrel Bluesummers (1), Scott Cheney (1), Jonsi Torrini (1), Cristina Antunez (1), Paul “Edgy” Shields (1)

The Melmond National Team Schedule

@ EL CID THE HERO L 2-1
@ Oceaice T 1-1
v Largent (Microcosm Stadium, Aldi) W 3-0
@ The Confederate T 3-3
v Lallania (Xpress Counsel Field, Cali) L 3-2
@ Eauz L 3-0
v Europa Brittania (Feliz-Unne Stadium, Unne) L 2-0
@ Brazillico L 2-0
v The Weegies (Frankndottir Stadium, Acosta) W 1-0
v EL CID THE HERO (Woocat Books Ballpark, O’Connor) W 3-0
v Oceaice (Lifedonations Stadium, Morales) T 1-1
@ Largent
v The Confederate (MPNK Stadium, Faasen)
@ Lallania
v Eauz (White Bread Dome, Suburbia)
@ Europa Brittania
v Brazillico (Melmond Bowl, Melmond City)
@ The Weegies

Next Game
at Largent

Melmond is still the Forsaken Farmers being in sixth place. It looks as if Melmond may be forsaken for a little more while as both The Confederate and EL CID THE HERO won their respective matches. However, a Melmond win and an EL CID THE HERO loss in the next matchday would make the Melmond National Team fearless once again. Melmond is heading to the desert nation of Largent for their next match. In the first showdown, Melmond wiped the floor with Largent with a win 3-nil at home. On the flipside, Melmond has struggled on the road, not getting one win yet away from home. Melmond has disappointed a lot, let’s hope that this will be an exception. Felix Coostatlwak will bring back his original starting lineup with the exception of Benjamin Leeb who has been replaced with leading scorer Chris Owen.

GK- Snhp Xtfuinxm
D- Jonsi Torrini
D- Sergio Ortiz
D- Scott Cheney
D- Nina Steen
M- Martin Goodwin
M- Critandi Unne
M- Camui Arai
M- Cristina Antunez
F- Mornakh the Bloody Handed
F- Chris Owen

For tickets to Largent and the match, call the Therewegoes Travel Agency at 3-18-357-9009. Largent will remind people a lot of Saudi Arabia on earth; an oil-rich desert nation who has great structures like their retractable roofed national stadium but not many other fun things.

From The KaMaRi kali

Finally
The times did change in Rejistanian soccer. Normally, the visiing team can now even leaave the country within the day after the match when the Orange-Blues win, whereas after the first international victories, the flight of the visiting teams had to be re-scheduled because the crew at the tower of the KaMaRian airport was celebrating and entirely drunk. The match in Squornshelous reminded of these glory days: People were celebrating on the street, jumping into fountains, climbing on street lanterns, Traffic came to a standstill, work was halted. Despite the fact that it was only a won away game. Matches against Squornshelous are not normal matches, Squornshelous, or as rejistanians say Sekivornexelus, is an opponent who defeat the Orange-Blues more often than any other team and the first two matches were veritable trashings. When now the lasane* defeated this opponent, however close it was, it was a great match, that will be remembered for a long time in the Rejis*. When Tia~e'he and Y'he scored twice against this team, it was for many fans the best game since a long time. It was the revenge for the 'matches of shame' in WC9, it was 'simply the greatest match' (random fan)

The result:
Squornshelous 1 (<cantloadyourroster> 60th)
Rejistania 2 (Y 56th, Tia~e 89th)

*The Update doesn't always translate its articles into proper english. 'The lasane' (original: lasane'het) or 'the Rejis' (original: rejis'tan) would better be translated as 'The Team' and 'Rejistania', I guess it is style.

IN DEPTH LOOK AT THE OPPOSITION

The Anarchic Lands of Tingitana
LOCATION: TERRANORDALIS
UN CATEGORY: ANARCHY
POPULATION: 1.712 BILLION
MOTTO: "Ben tent'libria tal da murlo"
NATIONAL ANIMAL: Camel
CURRENCY: The Denarius
DESCRIPTION: The Anarchic Lands of Tingitana is a massive, devout nation, notable for its absence of drug laws. Its hard-nosed, hard-working, intelligent population lives in a state of perpetual fear, as a complete breakdown of social order has led to the rise of order through biker gangs. It is difficult to tell where the omnipresent, corrupt, liberal, pro-business government stops and the rest of society begins, but it juggles the competing demands of Education, Commerce, and Social Welfare. The average income tax rate is 100%. A powerhouse of a private sector is led by the Gambling, Automobile Manufacturing, and Information Technology industries. Ethnic minorities are often refused admission to some of the nation's best schools, graffiti graces every city's streets, employers may fire workers without giving any reason, and college students make ends meet by selling their kidneys. Crime is moderate, probably because of the country's utter lack of prisons.
PRE-MATCHUP TEAM RECORD: 7-2-1 (23 POINTS)


LNSNN SPORTS REPORT

LOPAKAKIKA http://www.msnbc.com/onair/Bios/Global/costas_b.jpg – *comes on the air…we see lots of people cheering and jumping around in the backgroud* WELCOME TO THE PARTY FOLKS, YES YOU AT HOME SAW IT RIGHT…THE BULLDOGS BEAT THE NEARLY UNBEATABLE TINGITANA CAMELS 2-0 LAST NIGHT...AND THE PARTY IS STILL GOING ON. I’M HERE OUTSIDE LOVEBUG STADIUM - WHILE MY PARTNER IS ON THE ROAD TODAY WITH HIS SON, THE SURPRISING STAR OF LAST NIGHTS MATCH-UP. THE BULLDOGS SHOWED GREAT….


SCREAMING FAN: *steps in front of the camera, wearing purple and silver face paint, and a giant Bulldog tattoo on his chest* WE WON, WE WON, YAHOOOOO! *gets real close to camera* IN YO FACE PUPPET BOY! HA, HA, HA, HA, HA! *runs away with production crew in tail, screaming all the way*

LOPAKAKIKA – WELL YOU CAN CERTAINLY SEE THE EXCITEMENT IS STILL RUNNING HIGH, HERE IN THE STREETS OF LOVEBUG. THE MATCH-UP LAST NIGHT CAN ONLY BE DESCRIBED AS AN ODD SPECTACLE THAT TURNED INTO A MIRACLE. OUR DEFENSE WAS GIVEN ONE OF THEIR GREATEST CHALLENGES LAST NIGHT, THROUGHOUT THE FIRST HALF TINGITANA WAS TAKING SHOTS LEFT AND RIGHT – BUT GOALIE Milanapalonu “Lefty” Ostravan (a 3rd stringer in for a fatigued 1st and 2nd team) http://www.football-rumours.com/images/milanbaros.jpg DID AN AWESOME JOB PROTECTING THE NET. WE WERE NEARING THE END OF THE FIRST HALF WHEN OUT OF NO WHERE…THE UNLIKELIEST OF UNLIKELY THINGS WOULD HAPPEN. FORWARD Panda "The Bear" Bamboor http://www.football-rumours.com/images/takahara5.jpg WAS MAKING HIS WAY DOWN THE FIELD WHEN LITERALLY OUT OF THE SKY WE WOULD SEE SOMETHING FALL AND LAND DIRECTLY ON HIM. WE WOULD SEE UPON LANDING THAT IT WAS ONE OF LOVEBUG’S FAMOUS FLYING ELEPHANTS (OUR SECOND MOST PREVALENT SPECIES BEHIND FRENCH BULLDOGS) THAT HAD LANDED UPON ONE OF OUR BEST PLAYERS. AN EVENT SUCH AS THIS IS A STATISTICAL ANOMALLY, ONLY BEING ABOUT A ONE IN A BILLION CHANCE THAT AN ELEPHANT WOULD ACTUALLY FALL ON SOMEONE. HERE IS A PICTURE OF THE PERP…http://www.americanroyalarts.com/library/DS165.jpg IF YOU SEE THIS ANIMAL PLEASE CONTACT YOUR LOCAL LOVEBUG ANIMAL CONTROL AGENGY. THEY WANT TO BRING HIM IN FOR SOME QUESTIONING.

THE MEDICAL TEAM WOULD RACE ONTO THE FIELD - THE ANIMAL GATHERED ITSELF TOGETHER AND FLEW OFF BEFORE IT COULD BE CAUGHT. LUCKILY, THE ANIMAL DID NOT DO AS MUCH DAMAGE AS YOU WOULD THINK - PANDA ONLY SUFFERED A FEW BROKEN RIBS, AND A BROKEN LEFT ARM…EVEN STILL THIS MEANS THAT HE WAS OUT FOR THE GAME, AND WOULDN'T BE BACK FOR THE REST OF THE SEASON. NORMALLY, COACH ROOS WOULD THEN HAVE CALLED OUT SECOND TEAM FORWARD Quinn "The Navigator" Sid http://www.football-rumours.com/images/lauth.jpg UNFORTUNATELY WOULD BE OUT TODAY FOR A STRAINED SHOULDER…THAT WOULD MEAN ANOTHER THIRD STRINGER ON THE FIELD…NONE OTHER THAN Pekamelako “The Ranger” Lovenkrands http://www.football-rumours.com/images/peterlovenkrands4.jpg SON OF MY PARTNER KANIELAPAKELIKA. THIS WOULD BE AN INCREDIBLE BAD FORTUNE TURNED TO A MIRACLE FOR THE BULLDOGS. THEY WOULD ENTER THE SECOND HALF DETERMINED TO WIN FOR THEIR FALLEN BROTHER. PEKAMELAKO, MINUTES AFTER MAKING HIS FIRST TRIP ON THE FIELD FOR AN OFFICIAL MATCH-UP, WOULD GO OUT BLAZING PAST THE TINGITANA DEFENDERS TO SCORE OUR FIRST GOAL. CHEERS ERRUPTED FROM THE STANDS. TINGITANA WOULD BE QUICK TO GET OUT THERE AND ATTEMPT A SCORE BUT THE BULLDOG DEFENSE REMAINED STRONG. WE WOULD NOT ALLOW A SINGLE BALL IN OUR NET THAT NIGHT. THE TIME WAS RUNNING DOWN THE CLOCK – WE WERE UP 1-0, A SCORE WE WOULD BE MORE THAN SATISFIED WITH…WHEN PEKAMELAKO WOULD GET THE BALL AGAIN AND WITH THE HELP OF THE MIDFIELDERS WOULD MAKE HIS WAY TO THE NET TO SCORE OUR 2ND AND FINAL SCORE OF THE MATCH-UP. HE WOULD BE CARRIED OFF THE FIELD ON THE SHOULDERS OF HIS TEAMMATES AS THE TINGITANA SIDE LEFT THE FIELD WITH THEIR HEADS HUNG LOW AS THEY SUFFERED ANOTHER LOSS.

IT WAS A CRAZY AMAZING MATCH-UP THAT WILL NOT SOON BE FORGOTTEN….WOAH *he is lifted up by enthused fans, who begin to carry him away* WELL IT SEEMS THIS IS ALL FOR TODAY…I’M GOING TO GO JOIN THE EXCITEMENT…WE’LL SEE YOU TOMORROW WITH THE MATCH-UP IN Elephant and Castle….WAHOO!


[code:1:4314a6d4cd]GROUP 8 P W D L F A GD Pts
Dance 2 Revolution 11 8 2 1 21 9 +12 26
Spaam 11 7 3 1 18 6 +12 24
Tingitana 11 7 2 2 16 12 +4 23
The Belmore Family 11 7 1 3 25 17 +8 22
Lovebug 11 6 1 4 19 12 +7 19
Alex The Tall 11 4 3 4 17 17 0 15
Elephant and Castle 11 2 1 9 12 22 -10 7
Raptor Claw 11 0 6 5 9 18 -9 6
Carpet 11 1 3 7 11 24 -13 6
Dadostan 11 1 2 8 13 26 -13 5
[/code:1:4314a6d4cd]

The Evil Umpire loses to The Redavic Union 3-nil. It's a fix!!!!!

Le LIBRE

End of the Road Trip

The final game of the three game road trip ended in Europa Britannia. The last time these two met was in Zuka, where EB beat Les Bleus in an exciting 1 – 0 match. The fans in Europa Britannia were ready to see Les Bleus, who they have seen play many times in the last few years. Les Bleus were hoping to come out of this match with a victory, and also to come out stronger from the last match, which they did not show up to, until late in the match.

The first half brought back the strong Eauz offensive team. During the 18th minute of play, Figeu found mid-fielder Ribocheau open, who shot the ball on the net, only to be saved by the EB keeper. The ball though, got loose, and found its way into Figeu’s possession, where he would notch the first point of the match, putting Les Bleus up 1 – 0 early. This early goal improved the moral of Les Bleus, and when Europa Britannia was on an attack, the Defence for Les Bleus were able to hold off most of the attacks. Europa Britannia was held to 4 shots on goal in the first half. At the other end on an Eauz attack, Soiy found his way through the EB defence, only to shoot the ball wide. Les Bleus though, just before the first half break would score a second goal, as Rousseu kicked the ball out of the air, going into the left corner of the net. Les Bleus were on a moral high going into the second half.

Unfortunately, things would unravel from there for Les Bleus. The Europa Britannia fans though upset that their team was down 2 – 0, knew their team could come back. During the 56th minute of play, on an EB attack, Eauz defender Vladdzblok tripped up one of the players, and the Referee gave him a red card to leave the match. Vladdzblok who has played well in the qualifying round was upset with the call, and said a few choice words to the referee. A free kick brought about the come back for Europa Britannia, going past the diving Yeuseuv. Les Bleus would play the rest of the match under protest, as things got worse. The score was now 2 – 1, going to the end of the match. Near the end of the match, and Europa Britannia player got through the strong Eauz defence, with a pass, but Les Bleus contested that the play was offside, against the ruling of the Referees. That play at the 89th minute of play saw the player kick the ball into the net, past a diving Yeuseuv. The match would end in a 2 – 2 tie as Les Bleus finished in frustration.

Coaches Comments: “What type of refereeing is going on in this qualifying round? Up to this match, it was well done, but I didn’t believe Vladdzblok should have been given the red card, and that guy was completely OFFSIDE! Whatever type of weed these referees are smoking, I WANT SOME! I think we played a very good match, but were given the tie, due to some questionable calls.”

Despite the tie, Les Bleus came off those 3 matches with 2 wins and 1 tie. Les Bleus currently are in second, 6 points away from first place. This time, last qualifying round, Les Bleus had 9 wins, 1 tie and 1 loss.

More information on the next match later…


[code:1:12c83338c9]
Pos Team P W D L F A GD Pts PP
1 Brazillico 11 10 1 0 30 9 21 31 52
2 Eauz 11 8 1 2 21 7 14 25 46
3 Europa Britannia 11 7 3 1 21 7 14 24 45
4 The Confederate 11 5 3 3 21 19 2 18 39
5 EL CID THE HERO 11 5 0 6 13 18 -5 15 36
6 Melmond 11 3 3 5 15 17 -2 12 33
7 The Weegies 11 3 1 7 8 15 -7 10 31
8 Oceaice 11 2 2 7 11 21 -10 8 29
9 Largent 11 2 1 8 10 20 -10 7 28
10 Lallania 11 2 1 8 10 27 -17 7 28
[/code:1:12c83338c9]



Match Day 1: Oceaice @ Eauz W 4 - 2
Match Day 2: Europa Britannia vs Eauz L 1 - 0
Match Day 3: Eauz @ BrazillicoL 1 - 2
Match Day 4: The Weegies @ Eauz W 0 - 1
Match Day 5: Eauz @ EL CID THE HERO W 2 - 0
Match Day 6: Melmond @ Eauz W 0 - 3
Match Day 7: Eauz @ Largent W 2 - 0
Match Day 8: The Confederate @ Eauz W 0 - 2
Match Day 9 : Eauz @ Lallania W 1 - 0

Match Day 10: Eauz @ Oceaice W 2 - 0
Match Day 11: Eauz @ Europa Britannia T 2 - 2
Match Day 12: Brazillico @ Eauz
Match Day 13: Eauz @ The Weegies
Match Day 14: EL CID THE HERO @ Eauz
Match Day 15: Eauz @ Melmond
Match Day 16: Largent @ Eauz
Match Day 17: Eauz @ The Confederate
Match Day 18: Lallania @ Eauz

NOOOOOoooooooooooooooooooooooOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!

Le LIBRE

Eauz/Brazillico

The Authorities of Les Bleus have agreed with the Brazillico team that Match day 12 in Zuka will be played outdoors in a park. The match will be played in a field called The Schoolyard. There will be high security to protect the players, and fans will be welcome to watch the match from the benches. People have suggested that this will be an interesting match not only because of the rivalry between the two Emerald Heights teams, but also that it will be played out in a regular park.

Fans in Zuka are excited at the opportunity to watch this match, and are expected to come out in large numbers. Unfortunately, not everyone who fits into Le Stade d’Eauz, will be able to watch this match, but the government of Eauz is expected to provide more seating for this match. For security reason, the Eauz government will be building a wall around the field with openings for tickets to prevent any outside problems from occurring. The match is expected to be televised nationally and internationally to many different countries.

http://www.grinnell.edu/athletics/facilities/soccer/includes%5Cindex1.jpg

This is an image of the field in a park just outside of Zuka.

Les Bleus will be expecting to get revenge in this match, because of a loss to Brazillico in the last match. Look for a well played match between the two teams.

Eagle's Nest Beats Audioslavia 2 Nil

Strike Birds Take Major Step Towards Qualifying

Before 82,000 at Silver Flame Arena, The young guns Horace and Siggy Secour each scored a goal in the second half to push the Birds ever closer towards qualification, winning 2-0 over 3rd place Audioslavia in Group 1 play today. Total n Utter Insanity easily won over their opponent to stay 5 points behind.

Today saw the first play of a player which, on the team roster is simply known as #2. Problem is he wore number 8. Anyway, he came in during the 81st minute and had one touch. He was unavailable for comment after the game. The Flame now plays away from home 3 of the next four games in the "key stretch" playing at Total n Utter Insanity, hosts East Spaam at home, and has to play at Grand master Mark in this stretch. 2 wins should nearly clinch qualification. 2 wins with a loss or tie by Grand master mark will lock it for the Birds.


Strike Birds Undefeated at Home

The Strike Birds are 6-0-0 at home, with home matches against East Spaam, New Montreal States, and Larkikia remaining. If they can win all three, it would be the first undefeated home stand in Nest history. The nest are 4-1-0 away, but have to travel to a few stadiums that could be trouble.

[code:1:c0214a636a]
Group 1 Standings

Pos Team P W D L F A GD Pts PP
1 The Eagles Nest 11 10 1 0 28 8 20 31 52
2 Total n Utter Insanity 11 8 2 1 22 6 16 26 47
3 Audioslavia 11 7 2 2 17 11 6 23 44
---------------------------------------------------------------
4 Grand master Mark 11 5 2 4 21 16 5 17 38
5 East Spaam 11 3 4 4 19 16 3 13 34
6 New Montreal States 11 3 4 4 22 20 2 13 34
7 Larkinia 11 2 3 6 11 20 -9 9 30
8 New Luca 11 2 2 7 12 28 -16 8 29
9 Kendelstand 11 2 1 8 8 21 -13 7 28
10Presgreif 11 1 3 7 8 22 -14 6 27

Record:
P W D L GF GA GD
Home: 6 6 0 0 15 4 +11
Away: 5 4 1 0 13 4 +9
-----------------------------------------
Total: 11 10 1 0 28 8 +20

[/code:1:c0214a636a]

The Eagle's Nest Quaification Run


The Eagle's Nest vs. Kendelstand Win 4-0
The Eagle's Nest @ Audioslavia Tie 1-1
The Eagle's Nest vs. New Luca Win 5-3
The Eagle's Nest vs. Total n Utter Insanity Win 1-0
The Eagle's Nest @ East Spaam Win 4-2
The Eagle's Nest vs. Grand master Mark Win 2-1
The Eagle's Nest @ New Montreal States Win 1-0
The Eagle's Nest vs. Presgreif Win 1-0
------------------------------------------------------------------
The Eagle's Nest @ Larkikia Win 5-0
The Eagle's Nest @ Kendelstand Win 2-1
The Eagle's Nest vs. AudioslaviaWin 2-0
The Eagle's Nest @ New Luca
The Eagle's Nest @ Total n Utter Insanity
The Eagle's Nest vs. East Spaam
The Eagle's Nest @ Grand master Mark
The Eagle's Nest vs. New Montreal States
The Eagle's Nest @ Presgreif
The Eagle's Nest vs. Larkikia

Turnia City Tirbune

Associated Press

KNOCKING ON DEATH'S DOOR-- The Republican Army 3 - 1 Turnia

Although not mathmatically out of it, the writing is on the wall after the 3-1 defeat to The Republican Army. HC Odle decided to sit starting GK Donald Heinz in favor of back-up Martin Villarreal, which appears to have been a mis-calculation. Villarreal's only play during qualifings was a short stint last game against The Lowland Clans. Villarreal was cold and rusty and it showed, "It was tough to try and come off the bench in such a big game, but that is why coach added me to this team. To come in and perform when needed. I didn't." As of this time, GK Heinz will be back in the starting line-up.

Baring a miracle, the Dragons will have to chalk WC14 to experience in future preperations for WC15. It does no good to beat a few of the lower seeded teams, a few timely wins were needed against the high seeds.

Public opinion seems to now be split. Half give the national team a "thumbs up" for making a decent showing and hope to at least finish higher than 10th in Group 7. The other half find it embarressing and are up in arms. Overall respect must be given to this hastily created team and HOPE for a miracle.

AP

SPAAM SPORTS DAILY

Celebrations! We're back on top....

Spaam Gain Revenge And Record

Even mass eating of spam but the Dancers could not stop Spaam
embarassing the former top side, and both gaining revenge for the only
defeat Spaam has suffered this year, and setting a new record for the
most straight unbeaten matches. The three top strikers for the side
combined to demolish the Dancing attack, with Eman Olisade scoring early
in the first half to give Spaam the lead. The Dance 2 Revolution defense
then held up for the next hour, but they cracked after that, letting both
Meren Lûin and Nala Eromleb in late in the game, to send Spaam to an
impressive 3-0 home win.

This sends Spaam's home record to 6 straight wins in this preliminary
tournament, with star goalkeeper Alátari Súrion still impeccable by not
letting any goals past her magic hands. This win is revenge for Spaam's
only loss of the year, when they went down 2-1 to Dance, late in their
away match in round 3. This win also gives Spaam a new record of 9
unbeaten matches, their longest unbeaten streak in World Cup qualifying
history. In fact, Spaam are also unbeaten at home since their loss to
Oglethorpia over 4 years ago, in the qualifying for World Cup 13. Spaam
went on to the finals.

Spaam 3
(Olisade 12; Lûin 77; Eromleb 84)
Dance 2 Revolution 0

Review And Preview

Wins to Spaam, the Belmore Family, and an incredible 5-0 away win to
Alex the Tall, see the supposed easiest group of the competition turn in the
group of death. Three teams, Dadostan, Carpet, and Raptor Claw, have
now been eliminated, with Elephant and Castle being eliminated all but
mathematically. Spaam, Dance 2 Revolution, the Belmore Family, and
Tingitana are all crowding the top of the table, all four teams within 3
points. Lovebug and Alex the Tall may be trailing, 4 and 6 points behind
the leading group respectively, but they are all but out, though a win to
Spaam next week will see Alex the Tall needing a veritable miracle to
qualify.

Spaam play Alex the Tall on their own ground next week in match that
have Spaamanian fans worried. Not only are Alex out for revenge to their
2-0 loss in round 4, but they have just completed an incredible 5-0 away
smashing of Dadostan, and are unbeaten over the last 6 matches,
including the longest current winning streak in the group. This turn of
fortunes will see Spaam playing one of their toughest matches all year,
and one they need to win if they want to qualify. Meanwhile, Lovebug
should win their coming home match, and Dance and Belmore are fighting
for a qualifying spot, meaning that Lovebug could come to within 2 points
of a qualifying position.

The Back Page

[code:1:0bf124d331]GROUP 8 P W D L F A GD Pts
Spaam 12 8 3 1 21 6 +15 27 WDWDW
Dance 2 Revolution 12 8 2 2 21 12 +9 26 DDWWL
The Belmore Family 12 8 1 3 26 17 +9 25 LWWDW
Tingitana 12 7 3 2 18 14 +4 24 WDLLD
Lovebug 12 6 2 4 19 12 +7 20 DWWWD
Alex The Tall 12 5 3 4 22 17 +5 18 DDWWW
Elephant and Castle 12 2 2 8 12 22 -10 8 LLLLD Almost Eliminated
Raptor Claw 12 0 7 5 11 20 -9 7 DDLDD Eliminated
Carpet 12 1 3 8 13 25 -12 6 LLLDL Eliminated
Dadostan 12 1 2 9 13 31 -18 5 WDLLL Eliminated [/code:1:0bf124d331]

[code:1:0bf124d331]Spaam 3 Carpet 0
Spaam 1 The Belmore Family 0
Dance 2 Revolution 2 Spaam 1
Spaam 2 Alex The Tall 0
Lovebug 0 Spaam 2
Spaam 3 Raptor Claw 0
Tingitana 1 Spaam 1
Spaam 1 Elephant and Castle 0
Dadostan 1 Spaam 1
Carpet 0 Spaam 1
The Belmore Family 2 Spaam 2
Spaam 3 Dance 2 Revolution 0
[/code:1:0bf124d331]

[code:1:0bf124d331]SPAAM P W D L F A GD Points
Total 12 8 3 1 21 6 +15 27
Home 6 6 0 0 13 0 +13 18
Away 6 2 3 1 8 6 +2 9[/code:1:0bf124d331]

[code:1:0bf124d331]No. Name P G Ave
[2] Meren Lûin 12 9 0.75
[1] Nala Eromleb 12 6 0.50
[3] Eman Olisade 9 3 0.33
[4] Eliza Dushku 6 1 0.17
[5] Elen Súrion 12 1 0.08
[6] Tomas Rasa 12 1 0.08
------------------------------------
[11] Alátari Súrion 12 6 0.50[/code:1:0bf124d331]

NEWSFLASH:

The mighty Zucchinis have secured a 3-0 win over the mighty spurs to put them 3 points closer to leaders Gesamtkuntswerk and regional rivals One Red Dot, who are 3 points ahead of the Zucchinis. Phoot scored a sensational hat-trick, netting his first goal in the 3rd minute, a first touch strike with his left foot, before making fools of the opposition defence and chipping the keeper only 3 minutes later. He scored his third in the 33rd minute, Humm's cross finding his head and directing the ball into the far corner for a perfect hat-trick.

Moving up again

Keyshona - It was a nice day in Dushanbe, fans wer celebrating again because their national team had won another match, in and against Keyshona they won with 3-0. The national team played an excellent match, while Keyshona did its best so save what it could. The Tadjik topscorer Cherniakhovskij made another goal, the second goal came from Zhukovs feet and Lyudnikov put the third is behind his name.

A good result that gives Tadjikistan a somewhat safe position, 3 points more then the 5th in the group, Belmorian Scandinavia. But also 3 points away from Dennisov. In the next match Tadjikistan will have to close the gap with Dennisov and try to get over them in their encounter on matchday 16 (match: Dennisov - Tadjikistan). But that next match has to be won first, in their previous encounter with Bobbystan the Tadjiks got beaten, and the Tadjiks want their revenge now. Bobbystans national team should not expect to see a welcoming comite.

[code:1:727e9136b7]
Table - Group 6
Bedistan 12 11 1 0 25-8 34 P
Kerla 12 9 2 1 25-7 29
Dennisov 12 7 1 4 21-13 22
Tadjikistan 12 6 1 5 22-19 19
Belmorian Scandinavia 12 4 4 4 12-14 16
Intelligent Madness 12 4 2 6 15-16 14
Aerigia 12 4 2 6 22-26 14
Bobbystan 12 3 1 8 14-27 10
Vollmeria 12 1 5 6 13-23 8
Keyshona 12 1 1 10 11-27 4 E
[/code:1:727e9136b7]

M1: Tadjikistan - Intelligent Madness W 2-1
M2: Aerigia - Tadjikistan W 1-3
M3: Tadjikistan - Keyshona W 3-1
M4: Bobbystan - Tadjikistan L 2-1
M5: Tadjikistan - Bedistan L 1-2
M6: Kerla - Tadjikistan L1-0
M7: Tadjikistan - Dennisov L 1-4
M8: Belmorian Scandinavia - Tadjikistan W 1-2
M9: Tadjikistan - Vollmeria T 1-1
M10: Intelligent Madness - Tadjikistan L 3-1
M11: Tadjikistan - Aerigia W 4-2
M12: Keyshona - Tadjikistan W 0-3
M13: Tadjikistan - Bobbystan
M14: Bedistan - Tadjikistan
M15: Tadjikistan - Kerla
M16: Dennisov - Tadjikistan
M17: Tadjikistan - Belmorian Scandinavia
M18: Vollmeria - Tadjikistan

Sowhatsville News

Same again for Hurricanes

After holding off the Ravens in the last match, Halfassed manager Piper clearly decided to go for the same tactic against SN38 in last nights match.
The Snub Nose side arrived in Whogivesa with a 100% record in the qualifying campaign, and despite being ranked below their hosts, the Snub Nose side began the match with much more verve.
Despite having 4 in the midfield, the absence of 'hardman' Gormant, who was serving a one match suspension, left the Hurricane side without bite and unable to gain possession of the ball.
Although they were dominating possession, there was no real goal threat from the visitors in the first half, and the fans were getting restless at the interval.
After the disaster that was their cheering effort in Sten, no-one in the Halfassed security expected the Hooligan cheerleaders to appear at the game. This would explain the lack of response as the 'Hooligans' became targets for the crowd, who clearly wanted to make up for their missed chance in Sten. After almost 15 minutes of constant pummeling by vegetables and the carcasses of cross breed dog-billed platypi, the stadium security decided they had enjoyed enough coffee and doughnuts and began to remove the 'cheerleaders'
The delay to the start of the second half didn't help improve the football on display. Five yellow cards were shown, but that was the main excitment of the second half.
Final score:
Halfassed 0 (Van Bruin, Small, Bendy and Slick booked)
Snub Nose 38 0 (Keats booked)

The result ends Snub Nose 38's winning charge through the group. However the draw was not enough to keep Halfassed in second place, Ravenspires victory takes them a point ahead of the Hurricanes. Meanwhile the Druids win brings them back into the hunt sitting just three points behind Halfassed, who travel to the Hole to play the Druids in the next round of matches!

Ankh-Morpork C-mail
Cockbill Street Department

Bugles Beaten By Ball Bombard
Jonny Still With A Trick Up His Hat

The Cockbill Street footballers are on a roll. Literally. Failing to lose any of their last eight games, the Streeters have a six-point edge over fourth-placed Gaddland - who have comfortably established that they won't be that much of a contender. Dreyar, who started with sixteen points from six games after an initial 1-4 loss at Kaze Progressa, have now lost five successive games and look completely out of the running. It's looking good for the Streeters.

In today's away match against the G Bugles, the Cockbill Street team was just too strong, and could well have won by quite a few more goals. Still, Jonny Ball had a field day in attack, scoring three goals by himself and passing to Rikki Stone's two other goals.

The win was founded on good, solid defensive play - never letting the Bugles keeping the ball for more than three moves and relying on their less-than-perfect passing play to give the ball back. Then, the Streeters could come on swift counter-attacks, which were the foundation of three of the goals.

1-0 came through a splendid breakthrough on the left following a great tackle from midfielder Einari Einarsson. Einarsson then dribbled past two defenders, crossed low into the box, and Jonny Ball could walk it in.

2-0 wasn't nearly as spectacular - Magnetite was fouled on the edge of the box, Harald Axewielder took the free kick, and he scored a simple strike with his right foot. It wasn't even a very good free kick - it was just that the Bugles wall wasn't very well organised.

It was 2-0 by the end of the first half, and to be honest, Cockbill Street should have had at least a couple more goals. Magnetite hit the bar with a spectacular strike from 25 meters, and a corner kick from Harald Axewielder was excellently placed to hit the head of Simon Quier - but the ball went over.

Worrying, especially as both Axewielder and Quier has shown excellent form in the Giant Zucchini Premiership. But Jonny Ball and Rikki Stone, who still hasn't been lured away from the Cockbill Street Elite League, are the ones who really seem to give everything on the pitch. They led the team to a convincing performance even in the second half, thanks to two early goals from Ball. A last goal from left back Petter Stonelover, who showed his dribbling skills down the wing, clinched the 5-0 win for Cockbill Street.

Jonny Ball commented after the game on his international breakthrough: "It's obvious that this world cup qualifying series is important for the whole of Cockbill Street, and I try to do my best to get the team to Oglethorpia and Kingsford. Some of the other guys, however, seem to be more content with earning money than playing in the national colours!" When asked about who he meant, Mr Ball was shoved away brusquely by manager Ian Olsen. Olsen afterwards stated publicly that he felt that every player contributed to the team, but refused to comment further on Ball's statement.

Cockbill Street 5 (Ball 17, 59, 68, H Axewielder 32, Stonelover 81)
G Bugles 0

C-mail ratings for G Bugles game: Curbishley 6 – Stonelover 6, Carpenter 6, Johnson 5, Trucker 7 – Magnetite 7, H Axewielder 5, Einarsson 7 – Quier 6, Ball 8, Stone 5.

[code:1:5e5c6d666b]
Table - Group 2
Kaze Progressa 12 10 1 1 23-7 31
Cockbill Street 12 8 3 1 28-10 27
Lemmitania 12 8 1 3 22-7 25
Gaddland 12 6 3 3 23-19 21
Dreyar 12 5 1 6 21-18 16
Creedence Clearwater 12 4 2 6 15-16 14
Thoroughbreds 12 2 4 6 17-28 10
Steve's Island 12 3 1 8 9-21 10
Cicera 12 2 3 7 15-26 9
G Bugles 12 2 1 9 11-32 7
[/code:1:5e5c6d666b]

As can be seen from the table, Kaze Progressa have a comfortable lead on the top of the table, but Cockbill Street will play Kaze Progressa away in the next match and could, theoretically, reduce the gap to one point.

The Daily Druid

DRUIDS GO SIX UNBEATEN!
Wayne Ottgunn-Irwin on Tepalguana 0 NEWI Cefn Druids 2

The footballing world was stunned last night, as the teem from NEWI Cefn Druids notched up six games undefeated in a row! Although not a significant feat for most teams, and that all the games were against lower ranked teams, six games, five of which were wins, is the longest unbeaten run since a Druid first kicked a football.

This win, courtesy of goals from Amos Hinton and Björn-Trevor Frederiksson, allowed the Druids to close up to within three points of the top three, with all three of them still to play. It means that their fate is still in their own hands. It means that the next three games, Halfassedstates at home, Ravenspire away and Snub Nose 38 at home, will probably decide who will go to the World Cup. So will the Druids do it? Let's take a look at what goes for and against them.

For

Two of the games are at home. The Druids are unbeaten at The Hole so far in qualifying, with five wins and one draw in their six games there. Despite having to host the Hurricanes and Hooligans, the atmosphere within the Hole isn't exactly the most welcoming, and with the intense heat and humidity of playing two hundred metres below the surface, conditions will be different to those faced in most of the rest of the world.

They're on a roll! Confidence is high in the Druid camp, while the others will have all faced each other when they come up against the Druids, meaning they could be tired.

Pressure. Put simply, there is no pressure on the Druids to qualify. Nobody expects it to happen, and that includes the players. The others are regulars in the finals, and to not qualify would be somewhat of a shock to the system. The pressure is on them, not the Druids.


Against

Rank. The Druids are the lowest ranked team in the top four, and this isn't for no reason - the other three teams are better in any kind of way, whether it be on paper or the pitch. That's why the Druids are fourth in the group - there are currently three better teams.

Experience. The Druids have never really mounted a challenge to qualify for the World Cup before. In three previous attempts, they've only really challenged for the worst team in the world ever award, what with finishing bottom of their group twice. The other three have been challenging for decades, and will know what they're doing.

The lesser teams. The Druids always look the most likely to mess up against the other six teams in the table. The biggest shock of the group so far has, arguably, been Holy lndia's single point, which came in a draw against the Druids. Slip-ups like this show that it could easily happen again.


So can the Druids do it? Well, of course they can't, who are we kidding? Even though they beat Halfassedstates when the Druids were still a laughing stock, lightning doesn't strike twice. The Druids always look suspect away from home, so the Ravenspire game looks like a write-off, while the Hooligans are on such a good run that you can't see it coming to an end here.

Elsewhere in the World Cup, the Druid colony of Carpet were finally declared as being officially out of the competition after a one-nil defeat to The Belmore Family. Despite this, the style that the Carpetians showed themselves to be much more erotically pleasing than the Belmorians, especially the two up-front, Helena Wilton and Suzie Axeminster. I can't say I like any of the Belmorian players in that way whatsoever. It just wouldn't be right.

Finally, A Nice Excursion!
Melmond Gets First Road Win in Qualifying
By Ian Oioi of the Faasen Times

LARGENT—The conditions certainly different greatly inside Oasis National Stadium than outside of it. The outside atmosphere was horrible as a sand storm was blowing through the area. The Largent government had a state-of-the-art retractable roof stadium built in this arid area of Largent in hopes of populating it. Instead, the stadium just looks like a lost ruin from a once great technologically advanced society. It is isolated among the sand dunes of Largent. Either way, 25,000 people made the trek across the sandy desert roads to get to Oasis National Stadium.
Inside Oasis National Stadium, where the crowd and players were protected from the sand storm by the retractable roof, conditions couldn’t be any better for the Melmond National Team. Upon hearing that The Confederate and EL CID THE HERO tied each other, Melmond knew that a win would bring them two points closer to each side as they streak toward fourth place with qualifying all but out of reach. Largent is a team that Melmond wiped the floor with when they came to Microcosm Stadium in Aldi. Largent has not been playing very well and Melmond has not lost in the last three games ever since overcoming a four game losing streak. Most of the fans in Oasis National Stadium were quiet Largent supporters, but the small contingent of Melmondians who made the trek was rather vocal.
Melmond dictated the pace of the match from the get go, making sure that Largent will have to chase them around in order to contend defensively. The Melmond attack featured their superior speed and fast and furious passing which kept the Largent defense on guard. Largent conceded many corners in the first part of the first half, but fortunately were able to survive the onslaught without giving up a goal.
The Largent offence was certainly slowed down by the lack of opportunity. They never seemed ready for Melmond’s tenacious defence. Largent never even had the opportunity for a single shot on goal in the first half! Melmond goalkeeper Snhp Xtfuinxm could have spent the first half eating a big, sloppy sandwich and have had no problems with the toothless Largent attack. In fact, I would be surprised if he wasn’t eating a big, sloppy sandwich the whole time.
The Melmond attack finally got its act together at the 37th minute. After a Martin Goodwin shot that hit the left goalpost, Melmond midfielder Critandi Unne was able to knock the deflection in the net right away. Largent goalkeeper Nick Weber vainly dived for the ball and had no chance. Critandi Unne’s goal gives Melmond the 1-nil lead.
A scary moment for Melmond happened as the first half drew to an end. On a corner kick, Chris Owen, who was trying to leap as high as he can to head the Jonsi Torrini corner in, gets tripped up by Largent defender Thomas Swanton’s body. Owen falls off Swanton’s shoulders and falls to the pitch hard on his spine. Fortunately, Owen was able to walk off the pitch, although he had to be substituted for the match. Benjamin Leeb was his substitute.
The second half began as Melmond still had its 1-nil lead over Largent. Melmond will strike again at the 63rd minute as Benjamin Leeb will show his ground savvy. After receiving a Cristina Antunez pass, Leeb then juked Largent defender Kevin Wall out of his shoes, literally. Largent goalkeeper Nick Weber made an aggressive attempt to stop Leeb, diving right for the ball while it was still in his feet. Leeb counters by assertively chipping the ball over the head of the charging Weber and the ball trickles into the net. Such a soft shot was certainly a hard blow to the Largent morale.
The upstart Largent attack slowed down after the Benjamin Leeb goal, but Largent wasn’t going to get a goose egg in front of their home crowd. Largent midfielder Reed McMurray was making a long cross attempt toward striker Tucker Johnston. Trying to intercept the cross, Melmond defender Scott Cheney jumps in the air and absolutely bulldozes Johnston. Scott Cheney receives a yellow card at the 70th minute. That being his second yellow card of the qualifying session means that Scott Cheney will have to miss the crucial game against The Confederate.
Tucker Johnston was awarded a penalty kick as the infraction occurred inside the goalkeeper’s box. Melmond goalkeeper Snhp Xtfuinxm seemed too excited to guess one way or the other and Johnston simply kicked the penalty straight ahead for the easy goal. Largent gets their only goal of the game and makes the score 2-1. But that is all Largent will get as Melmond was able to hold Largent for the rest of the match and take their first road victory of the qualifying session.

Goals
C. Unne, MEL 37th
Leeb, MEL 63rd
Johnston, LAR 70th

Cards
Cheney, MEL 70th

Standings

Other Group 10 Scores
Oceaice 1 – Europa Brittania 3
Eauz 1 – Brazillico 1
Lallania 0 – The Weegies 3
The Confederate 1 – EL CID THE HERO 1

[code:1:2c35ead25e]Group 10
Pts W D L GF:GA GD
1. Brazillico 32 10 2 0 31:10 21
2. Europa Brittania 27 8 3 1 24:8 16
3. Eauz 26 8 2 2 22:8 14
4. The Confederate 19 5 4 3 22:20 2
5. EL CID THE HERO 16 5 1 6 14:19 -5
6. Melmond 15 4 3 5 17:18 -1
7. The Weegies 13 4 1 7 11:15 -4
8. Oceaice 8 2 2 8 12:24 -12
9. Largent 7 2 1 9 11:22 -11
10. Lallania 7 2 1 9 10:30 -20[/code:1:2c35ead25e]

Melmond Team Stats
Goals: Chris Owen (4), Mornakh the Bloody Handed (4), Critandi Unne (4), Benjamin Leeb (4), Diallo Unne (1), Rainy Zoulthane (1)
Cards: Scott Cheney (2), Chris Owen (1), Kestrel Bluesummers (1), Jonsi Torrini (1), Cristina Antunez (1), Paul “Edgy” Shields (1)

The Melmond National Team Schedule

@ EL CID THE HERO L 2-1
@ Oceaice T 1-1
v Largent (Microcosm Stadium, Aldi) W 3-0
@ The Confederate T 3-3
v Lallania (Xpress Counsel Field, Cali) L 3-2
@ Eauz L 3-0
v Europa Brittania (Feliz-Unne Stadium, Unne) L 2-0
@ Brazillico L 2-0
v The Weegies (Frankndottir Stadium, Acosta) W 1-0
v EL CID THE HERO (Woocat Books Ballpark, O’Connor) W 3-0
v Oceaice (Lifedonations Stadium, Morales) T 1-1
@ Largent W 2-1
v The Confederate (MPNK Stadium, Faasen)
@ Lallania
v Eauz (White Bread Dome, Suburbia)
@ Europa Brittania
v Brazillico (Melmond Bowl, Melmond City)
@ The Weegies

Next Game
vs. The Confederate (MPNK Stadium, Faasen)

Ooooooooooooooooooweeeeeeeeee! We got ourselves another hootenanny ya hear! Those country music loving commies are heading to Faasen to try to hold on to their chances of qualifying for the World Cup. Melmond would love to show that they can compete in the future with a strong showing in the last half of world cup qualifying. Melmond is aiming for fourth with their chances for qualifying being slim. The Confederate is one of the main obstacles in the way. Recently we have seen that upstart newcomers have been taking a nosedive in the standings recently, and there is no evidence to support that The Confederate won’t do the same thing. Melmond is a game side and wants to rock The Confederate out of fourth place. There will be no mudbath at MPNK stadium slowing Melmond down! Manager Felix Coostatlwak will be replacing suspended defender Scott Cheney with Faasen Oranges club player Phael Survigosis. Also Chris Owen will not be starting after falling hard on his spine in the Largent match. He will be eligible as a substitute however as Benjamin Leeb gets the start.

GK- Snhp Xtfuinxm
D- Jonsi Torrini
D- Sergio Ortiz
D- Phael Survigosis
D- Nina Steen
M- Martin Goodwin
M- Critandi Unne
M- Camui Arai
M- Cristina Antunez
F- Mornakh the Bloody Handed
F- Benjamin Leeb

MPNK Stadium
Location: Faasen, Melmond
Seats: 58,750 (Open Air)

Faasen is Melmond’s fifth largest city and is more known for its music scene rather than its sports. Faasen is known as the place that spawned international music legends such as the Lying Eyes, Neurotransmitter Frequency, Alice Millie, and new sensations Entry. Sports it is not at all the known for. MPNK Stadium was built during the rush of popularity of the Batter Up Baseball League and is mainly funded by Faasen media giant MPNK. MPNK just started up as a punk and ska radio station in the Faasen area and just grew to be a media giant in the nation. MPNK stadium is the home of the Faasen baseball team as well as the Faasen Oranges club team. Nothing remarkable about it as a stadium, but it is a memorable place for baseball moments. They will be pumping up the rock on the PA to annoy The Confederate’s cotton picking minds!

The Evil Umpire loses to Pablicosta 2-1. Voodoo dice and teabags fail me!

LOVEBUG

[code:1:67294114d5] HISTORIC STATS for LOVEBUG (WC13, CH, WC14)
MATCHES WHERE WE DID NOT SCORE 14 OUT OF 37 37.8%
MATCHES WHERE THE OPPONENT DID NOT SCORE 11 OUT OF 37 29.7%
GOALS FIELDED 42
GOALS ALLOWED 50
RECORD 15:4:18
[/code:1:67294114d5]

[code:1:67294114d5] WC14 STATS for LOVEBUG
MATCHES WHERE WE DID NOT SCORE 3 OUT OF 12 25%
MATCHES WHERE THE OPPONENT DID NOT SCORE 3 OUT OF 12 25%
GOALS FIELDED 19
GOALS ALLOWED 11
RECORD 6:2:4
[/code:1:67294114d5]

The Republic of ElephantandCastle
LOCATION: ZZ 9 PLURAL Z ALPHA (A MEDIUM SIZED REGION OF ABOUT 41
NATIONS)
UN CATEGORY: INNOFESIVE CENTRIST DEMOCRACY
POPULATION: 247 MILLION
MOTTO: "Come to Elephant & Castle and lose the will to live..."
NATIONAL ANIMAL: Elephant
CURRENCY: The Tesco
DESCRIPTION: The Republic of ElephantandCastle is a huge, pleasant nation, remarkable for its barren, inhospitable landscape. Its hard-nosed, hard-working, cynical population of 247 million have some civil rights, but not too many, enjoy the freedom to spend their money however they like, to a point, and take part in free and open elections, although not too often. The large government juggles the competing demands of Law & Order, Education, and Healthcare. Citizens pay a flat income tax of 13%. A robust private sector is led by the Uranium Mining industry, followed by Information Technology and Woodchip Exports. Shanty towns are forming in the suburbs of major cities, guns are banned, billions of tescos are being blown on orbital weapons development, and corporations are either above the law or corrupting it. Crime -- especially youth-related -- is relatively low, thanks to the all-pervasive police force and progressive social policies in education and welfare.
PRE-MATCHUP TEAM RECORD: 2:1:9


BULLDOGS END IT IN A TIE

The Bulldogs ended last night’s match-up with ElephantandCastle in a 0-0 tie. This is a disappointment to Lovebug fans everywhere – we defeated them in the previous meeting, and with a tight race at the top of the group every point counts. The Bulldogs are now 6-2-4, tonight we play Dadostan at home.

*we are in the spacious office of The Guy Currently In Charge Of Stuff For The Frost-Free Borderlands Of Snub Nose 38. well, spacious is what this place would be if it was significantly smaller. you could play a football match on one side of this room, and folks on the other side wouldn’t even notice it. a scrunched up, frightened looking, wizened little messenger is standing in front of the office’s inhabitant. the messenger was sent by the minister of athletics, olympics, and alcoholic beverages and justin case, the manager of the snub nose 38 hooligans, to be the bearer of bad tidings. the messenger is thinking to himself as this interview goes on that if he lives through it, he will find the minister and the manager…and he will make them pay. oh, yes. they owe him big. they’re gonna pay. if he can just get out of here in one piece, that is.*

- What?
- A draw with Halfassedstates, your bigitude.
- How can anybody not win against a side called “Halfassedstates”? Hmmm?
- Well, oh magnificent one, the…
- Hmmm?
- The thing is, your fabulosity, they just…
- I said ”Hmmm?”
- Ah, sir, you see, that’s just their name. They…
- Hmmm?!?!
- …um…
- I believe I asked you a question.
- …er…Yes, your super-ego-ness. The fact is
- HMMM????!!!!
- …um…Well, they can’t? oh, I hope that’s the answer he wants…I don’t wanna be exiled.
- Of course not. So, what did happen?
- Um…well…see, your hugeness, the…er…it was the chicken, see…
- Chicken?
- Yes…the chicken…um, your muchness. See, Margaret has this new chicky debonnin’ thingy.
- Who has a what?
- Oh, dear.
- I said, ”WHO HAS A WHAT?”
- Yes, oh wisest of guys, you did. Margaret is the who…
- I thought Horton was the who.
- No, Horton heard a who.
- …You said “no” to me?
- Your wonderficity, I said “know” to you…I said…I…said…”Know, Horton heard a who.” Meaning that I was letting you know that Horton heard a who.
- Oh. So, if Horton heard a who, who is this Margaret?
- Margaret is the who…
- …That Horton heard?
- …um…Possibly…but, in this context…
- What context?
- The…uh…”not winning by the Hooligans” context.
- Oh. Yes. What were you saying?
- I was…I…was…saying…well…now, what was I saying?
- Spit it out, man!
- That the who is Margaret is who Margaret is that she is who the one who Margaret does the sacrificial supplication of the random number gods who is who she is who…is…she…
- Oh.
- …And, your largessishness, the what is
- What “what”?
- The “what” that I was telling you of, your supercalifragilisticexpiallidociousness.
- That what?
- Yeth…er, Yes.
- So…
- The what is a ChicA-Live Chicken Deboner.
- That thing the sponsors of World Cup 14 keep advertising that takes the bones out of a chicken and leaves the chicken alive?
- Uh huh.
- Kind of messy, what?
- What?
- A live boneless chicken. Kind of messy, what?
- That’s just it.
- Just what, is that?
- Sir, the boneless live chicken what is the that that is what made that the…um…the…match…was tied because that…the…
- Can you just get to the point? Are you saying the chicken Margaret was using to complete the sacrificial supplication to the random number gods was a live deboned chicken that Margaret had used her chicky debonnin’ thingy on and that caused the ceremony to go awry, resulting in a draw with Halfassedstates instead of a win?
-…Yes?
- Well, why didn’t you just say so, man?

*the messenger faints in a small, wizened, little heap. two nearby attendants drag him out of the office, in the direction of the ante-room and not towards the “elba room”. we breath a sigh of relief for the little guy. say, isn’t today bar-b-qued chicken day over at the cafeteria? bar-b-que chicken sure sounds good - especially if it comes with a nice, cold "38 special". we’re on our way.*

From the Daily Kangaroo:

PROGRESSAN MIRACLE RUN ENDS UNLUCKILY

Kaze Progressa's fabulous run of ten wins and a draw from eleven games ended in Lemsas City last night with a 1-0 defeat to Lemmitania in the - ironically Progressan-designed - Narrowhead Stadium, built for the World Cup 12 final.

The sold-out 128,304 crowd who packed the circular stadium were treated to an open, entertaining match with plenty of ambitious passes, some of which even found their destination. It was one such, in the 19th minute, that should have led to a Progressan goal, but Ertal Lubbarez slipped as he was about to collect a Gariuz Baulinta through pass with the goal seemingly at his mercy. Six minutes later, a shocking gap between Frilltanpa and Cotaga was exposed by a Lemmitanian striker for what proved the winner, despite a string of fine saves from each goalkeeper in the second half.

The Progressans should still qualify; as one analyst put it, 'we have 31 points already, and 40 points will certainly be enough, so we'd really have to blow it now with six games still to go.'

In other news, Stats Progressa have won an award for 'advanced statwanking' in a top-secret ceremony in Lovebug. A Lovebug statistican said 'we envy your knowledge and insanity'.

From The Na~ovi National (na~ovi'het nanti)

Rock around the Croc
The Orange-Blues defeated the Crocs in a close match. The KaMaRian forward Mata Koleni was the one who archieved the deciding goal of the match. The match saw many good chances for both teams, but at the end, it was maybe the deciding bit of luck or the fact that the match took place in Sen-La-Sa~o*. Since the last loss was in Tanah Burung, the Orange-Blues now enjoy a 9-matches-unbeaten streak. Celebrations are still underway in many parts of the country

Result:
Rejistania 1 (Koleni 86th)
Tanah Burung 0

* can't load schedule, slani forums!!

---
In a temple in Hetkali at the time, this report is written. Two shadowish persons talk... wait, isn't that... YES, it IS Hexen Imdila, the ex-coach and the other person is Teke Daran, the chief of the RejisFA.
TD: I still can't believe that you now....
HI: If Taderikansa calls....
TD: ...you can't ignore it, yes. Still I can't believe this, you now...
HI: Yes, I am now a Hseneti for Taderikansa.
TD: Well it is your decidsion, I can't say something else. (after a pause) but you were successfull.
HI: successfull?
TD: The Orange-Blues won again.
HI: The God of luck and victory was on our side, I can not say to this that I was successfull. It is never that easy, nowhere.
TD: surely. Do what is in your might to help the Orange-Blues!
HI: (smiles slightly) I did for quite a long time... (HI leaves for the scene) (Teke Daran didn't quite understand Hexen Imdila and leaves the temple, you see that he is thinking about it)

---Post deleted by NationStates Moderators---

Turnia City Tribune

Associated Press Quick Flash

Dragons Earn Draw, On Life Support
Turnia 1 - 1 Liverpool England

If ever there was a time to earn a point and stay alive, it was Game 12 vs. Liverpool England. GK Donald Heinz returned to the starting line-up and looked a man on a mission. As the defense(and offense) again played a sub-par game, GK Heinz kept the Dragons in it, making save after save under a relentless LE attack. Head Coach Odle summed up the draw in a short 4 word sentence, "We needed that one."

The Turnia national team remains alive to fight another day, but just barely.

APQF

Le LIBRE

No Luck outside

Listening in on a Sports Radio station

Host: Well, wasn’t that an amazing match last night? Not just that it finished in a 1 – 1 tie, but where it was being played? I forget the actual figures for that match, but numbers were swirling around that 10,000 people showed up to even get a little view of the match. That is amazing for a match without seats for everyone. So it was unfortunate Les Bleus did not get the win, but I think they played very well against an undefeated team and that late goal by Rousseau at the end of the match really boosted the moral of Les Bleus. Who knows, maybe they will use this to jump into first in the next few days. Bah, anyways, let’s go to the phones and here from some people.

Caller1: Hey Philip, love the show man

Host: Thanks but stop kissing my big round ass, get to your point

Caller1: Well I just wanted to say that even though Les Bleus have not won in the last few matches, I think this is showing that they are improving as a team. The first time around, Les Bleus were beaten by both these teams; this time around they tied both Europa Britannia and Brazillico.

Host: But don’t you think that with easy matches to come for both Brazillico and Europa Britannia, Les Bleus lost their chances at coming in first or second?

Caller1: No way, they were in 6th place earlier in the qualifying round and up to this match found themselves in second place. Les Bleus have been in this situation before last world cup and finished second in the qualifying group.

Host: Well we will see what happens; maybe Les Bleus will have Lucky Margaret on their side again, who knows. Anyways, thanks caller for that. (Whispers to side, what a moron) NEXT CALLER PLEASE!

Caller2: Hey, I just wanted to say that Les Bleus are a joke; there was a conspiracy for Les Bleus to win, because people had money bid on them to win it all.

Host: Oh not another Oglethorpian calling in. Listen, YOU send your detailed reports on how world cup 13 was a conspiracy and all, because I don’t see the facts. What are you looking at? If you hate our country, just leave, we are not holding you here. You could go back to Oglethorpia if you would be happier there. Anyways, do you have anything else to say?

Caller2: Les Bleus suck, go Oglethorpia!!!

Host: Bah, what a n00b! No chance Oglethorpia is winning anything. Anyways, that’s enough phone calls, things are getting out of hand. As for Les Bleus they fell into 3rd place with that tie against Brazillico, leaving them still 6 points away from first place. Les Bleus though must look for a victory in this next match, for the teams above them will be facing off against each other, and a win, tie or loss for either side and a victory for Les Bleus will help Les Bleus out. Les Bleus would prefer a tie, for that would mean, they would be 1 point ahead of Europa Britannia (going into the easy part of the schedule) and only 4 points away from first place.

Anyways, catch the match tonight against The Weegies chez eux. Les Bleus hope they can bring about a victory again against the underachieving Weegies team.



[code:1:7430bb0f65]
Pos Team P W D L F A GD Pts PP
1 Brazillico 12 10 2 0 31 10 21 32 50
2 Europa Britannia 12 8 3 1 24 8 16 27 45
3 Eauz 12 8 2 2 22 8 14 26 44
4 The Confederate 12 5 4 3 22 20 2 19 37
5 EL CID THE HERO 12 5 1 6 14 19 -5 16 34
6 Melmond 12 4 3 5 17 18 -1 15 33
7 The Weegies 12 4 1 7 11 15 -4 13 31
8 Oceaice 12 2 2 8 12 24 -12 8 26 *technically still alive
9 Largent 12 2 1 9 11 22 -11 7 25 ELIM
10 Lallania 12 2 1 9 10 30 -20 7 25 ELIM
[/code:1:7430bb0f65]



Match Day 1: Oceaice @ Eauz W 4 - 2
Match Day 2: Europa Britannia vs Eauz L 1 - 0
Match Day 3: Eauz @ BrazillicoL 1 - 2
Match Day 4: The Weegies @ Eauz W 0 - 1
Match Day 5: Eauz @ EL CID THE HERO W 2 - 0
Match Day 6: Melmond @ Eauz W 0 - 3
Match Day 7: Eauz @ Largent W 2 - 0
Match Day 8: The Confederate @ Eauz W 0 - 2
Match Day 9 : Eauz @ Lallania W 1 - 0

Match Day 10: Eauz @ Oceaice W 2 - 0
Match Day 11: Eauz @ Europa Britannia T 2 - 2
Match Day 12: Brazillico @ Eauz T 1 - 1
Match Day 13: Eauz @ The Weegies
Match Day 14: EL CID THE HERO @ Eauz
Match Day 15: Eauz @ Melmond
Match Day 16: Largent @ Eauz
Match Day 17: Eauz @ The Confederate
Match Day 18: Lallania @ Eauz

bah! Horrible

This is Oglethorpia fault!

Scoring Lesson Put On Against New Luca

Secour Scores Hat Trick, Adams Rested in 5-1 Win

Siggy Secour scored his first international hat trick, midfielder Glim Graerstiow scored his first international goal, Gratunia added one late to make it 5-0 nothing in a game taht saw star Josh Adams taken out early to rest him as it was clear the day was Secour's. New Luca scored their only goal off of a misplayed ball by substitute #2. (that's his name...trust me.)

With the win, and Audioslavia's win over Total n Utter Insanity, The Nest has a 8 point lead for the top of the group, and can smell qualification if they win tomorrow and Grand master Mark does anything but win tomorrow. Celler dweller Presgreif was officially eliminated from the World Cup.

**A man puts the paper down**

1: You let them score?

2: No, the ball had some wierd spin on it, and it bounced off my leg and he ran with it, passed to the trailer, and our goalie couldn't get back in time.

1: You ruined the shutout...in the 89th minute.

2: It wasn't my fault.

1: I thought you said you were good.

2: well, but, but..em...

1: regardless, i don't think you'll see much play time for a while. What of the takeover plans?

2: well, the lawyers are looking into the finances of of the deboner division. It appears that there may be some funny math.

1: If it works, great, if it doesn't no matter, our plans do not require ownership in that company.

2: yes sir.

1: Read this rumor of lovebug and spaam's leaders still trying to hook up in Kaze Progressa?

2: Kaze Progressa? why there?

1: easy to be not seen?

2: Apparently it didn't work....

1: oh well, you'd better hurry. the plane leaves in an hour for Total n Utter Insanity.

2: yes sir.

1: oh, and don't touch the ball in this game. it's kind of important we win this one.

2: *sigh* yes sir.


[code:1:a05be51230]
Pos Team P W D L F A GD Pts PP
1 The Eagles Nest 12 11 1 0 33 9 24 34 52
2 Total n Utter Insanity 12 8 2 2 23 8 15 26 44
3 Audioslavia 12 8 2 2 19 12 7 26 44
--------------------------------------------------------------
4 Grand master Mark 12 6 2 4 22 16 6 20 38
5 New Montreal States 12 4 4 4 24 20 4 16 34
6 East Spaam 12 3 5 4 21 18 3 14 32
7 Larkinia 12 2 3 7 11 21 -10 9 27
8 Kendelstand 12 2 2 8 10 23 -13 8 26
9 New Luca 12 2 2 8 13 33 -20 8 26
E Presgreif 12 1 3 8 8 24 -16 6 24
[/code:1:a05be51230]

The Eagle's Nest Quaification Run


The Eagle's Nest vs. Kendelstand Win 4-0
The Eagle's Nest @ Audioslavia Tie 1-1
The Eagle's Nest vs. New Luca Win 5-3
The Eagle's Nest vs. Total n Utter Insanity Win 1-0
The Eagle's Nest @ East Spaam Win 4-2
The Eagle's Nest vs. Grand master Mark Win 2-1
The Eagle's Nest @ New Montreal States Win 1-0
The Eagle's Nest vs. Presgreif Win 1-0
The Eagle's Nest @ Larkikia Win 5-0
-----------------------------------------------------------
The Eagle's Nest @ Kendelstand Win 2-1
The Eagle's Nest vs. AudioslaviaWin 2-0
The Eagle's Nest @ New Luca Win 5-1
The Eagle's Nest @ Total n Utter Insanity
The Eagle's Nest vs. East Spaam
The Eagle's Nest @ Grand master Mark
The Eagle's Nest vs. New Montreal States
The Eagle's Nest @ Presgreif
The Eagle's Nest vs. Larkikia

From the Columbia Times:

After a disappointing draw with Kerla in what was admittedly the most difficult fixture of the campaign, the Bedistan Lions returned home to take out their anger on the ever-present Dennisov. The match sold out, with 134,982 people showing up to watch it (18 of 'em must've gotten sick or something). It was a great match, with both goalkeepers at the top of their game, but it would be a Gil Vu penalty kick in the 52nd minute that would eventually bring the game home for the Lions. The win allows Bedistan to maintain its five-point lead over Kerla and reduces the necessary number of points to qualify to four. If the Lions defeat Belmorian Scandinavia tomorrow and Tadjikistan fails to win, we'll have our seats booked in Oglethorpia and/or Kingsford.

In other news, Tingitana looks like it might have a chance of coming out of its recent slump after a 2-2 draw with Raptor Claw. The Camels do fall to fourth place at last, but they remain just three points behind leaders Spaam.

Brazillican Fan To Sue Fédération Interprovinciale de Football d'Eauz

David Ibanez was quite proud of his coup, landing first row real estate for an international football match. However, the fun and games came to a screeching halt, when a facial injury

The situation began when Ibanez, who was standing to the right of the net, got the not so brilliant idea to dip his Eauzian Croissant into nacho cheese. Ibanez lowered his head to make sure he dipped his breaded treat directly in the fromage, but when he raised his head back up, he was greeted by a football in the face.

It appears Eauzian striker D. Joseuf was on quite a solo run and fancied a go from just outside the box. Joseuf's strike just missed the target and ended up hitting the distracted Ibanez in the face. A farcical chain of events to say the least, but Ibanez isn't laughing.

The young Brazillican fan required medical assistance and was having trouble breathing. The prognosis: Joseuf's powerful strike broke Ibanez's nose.

Ibanez is now threatening legal action against the Eauzian governing body for football, the Fédération Interprovinciale de Football d'Eauz (FIFE.. pronounced FEEF). Ibanez's attorneys are claiming that The Schoolyard was not an appropriate setting for an international football match and that fan security was not even on the rader.

Ibanez's legal team will be suing for $90 for the Medical Fees, $27.50 for the dry cleaning to remove the nacho cheese splashed on Ibanez's Chili Bats jersey caused by impact and upwards of $5 million in punitive damages. No word on whether FIFE has looked to settle this issue outside the courts.

Liverpool England falter Yet again - Caddy Cannon 'Removed with Immediate Effect' as Head Coach

Headlines:
Turnia 1-1 Liverpool England - Shamless - The Liverpool England Daily
Liverpool England Draw - In Search of New Coach - LEINN

Also among other headlines:
The FALE is set to release a name list of 15 possible candidates for the job, including seven foreigners
Liverpool England officially looking for 'official nickname', example 'Chili Bats' [Brazilico]

Mattigool 0-1 Liverpool England
FALE's list of 5 coaches [down from 15; 3 foreigners]
Steven Blackwell [LEN/WC9 Bonze medallist]
Hexen Imdila [REJ]
Ian Olsen [CBS/current manager]
Mark Hearne [LEN/currently playing in Oglethorpia]
Mr Hurr [GNZ]

FALE list of Nicknames
'Former Champions' :P
'Super Bears'

Liverpool England falter Yet again - Caddy Cannon 'Removed with Immediate Effect' as Head Coach

Headlines:
Turnia 1-1 Liverpool England - Shamless - The Liverpool England Daily
Liverpool England Draw - In Search of New Coach - LEINN

Also among other headlines:
The FALE is set to release a name list of 15 possible candidates for the job, including seven foreigners
Liverpool England officially looking for 'official nickname', example 'Chili Bats' [Brazilico]

An Oglethorpian paper, in conjunction with a Kingsford newspaper, not widespread in publication (and it will soon become apparent why) has suggested a few names for the nickname of the Liverpoolish English national side:

The Penguins

The Mongeese

The Purple Nurples

The Koalas

The Passion Fruit

The Cognoscenties

The Eggheads

The Maestros

The Philosophers

Twinkle twinkle Orange-Blues
Determined finally not to lose
To Tanah Burung on this day
Slani 'ell, it went your way.

The Crocs next foe was Squornshelous
"whatever shall become of us,"
The players asked their green-haired boss
"You'll win one-nil" -- and so it was.

Rejistania 1 Tanah Burung 0 (Koleni)
Tanah Burung 1 Squornshelous 0 (Budiarjo)

%&$

BREAKING NEWS
LEINN

Josh Hinar: Hello, this is breaking news. The Liverpool England Football Association, or the FALE, have announced that they will use the nickname 'The Philosophers' for the team. they are also set to announce in a later press conference the new national manager. Word is going around that the manager will be a foreigner NOT included on the earlier list.

Turnia City Tribune

Associated Press Breaking News

HEAD COACH LEON ODLE STEPS DOWN AFTER THRASHING

Winged Animals 4 - 0 Turnia

In what has to be the worst time for a white-washing, the Winged Animals trounced the Dragons 4-0, prompting head coach Leon Odle to step down. "We played like a bunch of one-legged men in an ass-kicking contest today. Which directly reflects on me. Therefore I will be stepping down and turning over the team to my brother" the former HC said in the post-game press conference.

We have heard through the grapevine that the two brothers have bickered from the start. Be it the line-up, sitting people at the wrong times, preperation, etc... And the Dragons certainly were not prepared for todays game vs. the Winged Animals, as GK Donald Heinz was lit up like a christmas tree.

The first item of business for new interim head coach Paul Odle is to permanetly pull the on and off Heinz and let Martin Villarreal finish in goal, "Donald has performed very well at times and really helped us last game. But he has had 4 really bad games, not all his fault, but I feel we need a permanent change in goal." Next item is to revamp the defense, "We have a few guys who have rode the bench the entire time. When some are not getting it done, you HAVE to get the others involved."

We shall see if the coaching change, goal change or defense change will make a difference this late in the game. If anything it will be good experience for Paul and the other members of the team who have yet to play, as I feel the Dragons chances have... shall we say, gone up in smoke.

AP

The Bureaucratic Tribune
The Bureaucratic States' most readily available publication.

Two-man midfield named by FA
Two more 1st Division Oglethorpian players named to national squad

By Bill Christmas

OGLETHORPIA (BT) -- Bringing the total of replaced players to five, the Oglethorpian squad has already cemented its goalkeeper position (http://www.nationstates.net/forum/viewtopic.php?p=3142256#3142256) and two-man striking team (http://www.nationstates.net/forum/viewtopic.php?p=3149260#3149260) and the squad is now rounded off with a two-man midfield made up of River Dish midfielder Mike Anschluss and Hans Gelb, striker for Sheffingham United -- relegated to playing midfield for the national squad following the conclusion of World Cup 13.

"That's cool, man," says Hans Gelb concerning his new position for World Cup 14. "It makes sense for me to make way for van Mistletoe and Green -- those two are superior players, and i'll still have a strong attacking role in midfield."

Gelb has merely changed positions for World Cup 14 -- he is technically one of two veterans, in his 2nd World Cup -- having already played for the World Cup 13 Wonderteam along with defender Rodney Heathen. Gelb has expressed a very welcoming attitude concerning his mostly novice teammates.

"These are all talented, young domestic players -- they're going to translate to the international scene just fine. We're hardly veterans in this game at all," said Gelb about himself and Heathen.

Mike Anschluss of River Dish is taking up the midfield position alongside Hans Gelb. His few years with River Dish have earned him the nickname 'Immerblöd' -- a name that none of his teammates know the meaning of.

"Of course, I don't know what it means either," says Anschluss concerning his nickname popularized by River Dish fans. "But I bet it means something cool. Y'know, like, 'Always Fantastic,' or something awesome like that."

Fans have become accustomed to the attacking midfielder's celebrations of "IMMERBLÖD SCORES AGAIN!" when he does happen to put one past River Dish's opponents -- which happens to be a very rare occurence.

"That's why I celebrate like I do," says Anschluss. "I gotta take advantage of the rare times I can celebrate."

The only national squad positions that have gone unannounced are any of the replacement defender positions -- the FA has five left to fill with Rodney Heathen the only remaining player on the defense.

"I'm sure i'll have competent teammates," says Heathen confidently. The FA is expected to release the final five players of the new Oglethorpian national side in the coming weeks as World Cup 14 qualifying comes to a close.

BREAKING NEWS
Guy Picciotto Appointed National Manager

-More details to come

Breaking news: Tadjikistan takes revenge

Dushanbe - Yes, thats right, Tadjikistan took revenge against Bobbystan today for the loss it suffered on matchday 4 (it was 3-0) and ended this match with 3-1 on the scoreboard. All full Buranbay Stadium could see how Rokossovsky(22th min) and Cherniakhovskij(41th min, 70th min) scored. Just like after the last 2 matches, the fans partied all night long.

A important win, as both Belmorian scandinavia and Dennisov won their match. A loss would have placed Belmorian Scandinavia as high as Tadjikistan and with the match against Bedistan coming, they could jump over Tadjikistan. It will be difficult for Tadjikistan to win in Bedistan but their loss in Belmorian Scandinavia proves that its possible. All odds are against us but that doesnt mean we cant stunt.

[code:1:938238057a]
Table - Group 6
Bedistan 13 11 1 1 26-10 34
Kerla 13 9 2 2 26-10 29
Dennisov 13 8 1 4 24-14 25
Tadjikistan 13 7 1 5 25-20 22
Belmorian Scandinavia 13 5 4 4 14-15 19
Intelligent Madness 13 5 2 6 19-18 17
Aerigia 13 4 3 6 23-27 15
Bobbystan 13 3 1 9 15-30 10
Vollmeria 13 1 6 6 14-24 9 E
Keyshona 13 1 1 11 13-31 4 E
[/code:1:938238057a]

M1: Tadjikistan - Intelligent Madness W 2-1
M2: Aerigia - Tadjikistan W 1-3
M3: Tadjikistan - Keyshona W 3-1
M4: Bobbystan - Tadjikistan L 2-1
M5: Tadjikistan - Bedistan L 1-2
M6: Kerla - Tadjikistan L1-0
M7: Tadjikistan - Dennisov L 1-4
M8: Belmorian Scandinavia - Tadjikistan W 1-2
M9: Tadjikistan - Vollmeria T 1-1
M10: Intelligent Madness - Tadjikistan L 3-1
M11: Tadjikistan - Aerigia W 4-2
M12: Keyshona - Tadjikistan W 0-3
M13: Tadjikistan - Bobbystan W 3-1
M14: Bedistan - Tadjikistan
M15: Tadjikistan - Kerla
M16: Dennisov - Tadjikistan
M17: Tadjikistan - Belmorian Scandinavia
M18: Vollmeria - Tadjikistan

LOVEBUG VS. DADOSTAN – AN LNSNN NEWS BRIEF

KANIELAPAKELIKA: HELLO, LOVEBUG FANS! I’m Kanielpakelika here with Lopakika in LNSNN studios in downtown Alohakulanakauhale. It has been a whirlwind couple of days for Lovebug and the Bulldogs – what with the injuries to Panda Bamboor, to the shut out win over then leader Tingitana, to the island shift that occurred blowing Lovebug and all the islands in the Lovebug archipelago (Lovebug, Cynthovia, Jeanovia, Chesapequa, Chesterfields, Isle of the Butterflies, Beltsvilla, Varnia, Klassis, and the newly renamed Isle of Kinipopo peku (Disclaimer: these islands are not registered with nation states as they are not separate countries, but much like Hawaii they are all the islands are part of one state or in this case one country) from the North America region to the region of The Heartland, to the unexpected TIE with less than great ElephantandCastle, to last nights 4-0 victory over a mysteriously hidden country of Dadostan, to tonight’s future match-up against Spaam, a fellow Heartlander and close ally of Lovebug, who is currently in first place in group 8.

LOPAKAKIKA: Yes it has been a crazy couple of days, Panda I know was rooting for the team tonight from home, the hospital released him earlier this afternoon, we hope that he will be healed in time to return to the team for WC15, or at least part of it. In related news the elephant in question for this tragedy has yet to be spotted, the local Lovebug Animal Control Agencies remind you to call if you see him… http://www.americanroyalarts.com/library/DS165.jpg. I think the team really could have used his leadership on the field yesterday, as it seemed the offense forgot how to score. We all wish him a speedy recovery.

KANIELAPAKELIKA: It was a score packed game for the Bulldog’s averaging 2 points per half. The Dadostan side seemed unable to stop the DOG’s impressive offensive force, obviously fueled by the fact they could not score last time. Here is the scores by player so far…


[code:1:2589f709a1] Name G1 G2 G3 G4 G5 G6 G7 G8 G9 G10 G11 G12 G13 GT
Dylan 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 1 0 0 0 0 2 3
Forrest 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 1 0 0 0 1 2
BeNimble 0 0 0 2 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 2
Whalters 0 0 1 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 1 2
Bamboor 1 0 0 1 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 2
Lovenkrands 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 2 0 0 2
Woods 0 1 0 0 0 1 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 2
Varkenstein 0 0 1 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 1
Bullock 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 1 0 0 0 0 1
Mei 1 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 1
Grant 0 0 1 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 1
McTeal 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 1 0 0 0 0 1
Sid 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 1 0 0 0 1
Marley 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 1 0 0 0 0 1
Black 1 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 1
[/code:1:2589f709a1]

LOPAKAKIKA: SEE YOU TONIGHT FOR THE MATCH AGAINST SPAAM.

CCL, Liverpool England-
Guy Picciotto Appointed National Manager

It is official - Guy Picciotto, former Oglethorpia national manager, is now in charge at the helm of Liverpool England - the first time the World Cup 8 champions have appointed a foreign manager.

Meanwhile, the FALE have announced that a nickname from the list of names published by an Ogletorpian newspaper has been picked. 'The Philosophers' is the new nickname for the team.

Picciotto will join the Philosophers before the next match.

The Daily Druid

HURRICANES BLOW DRUIDS AWAY
Wayne Ottgunn-Irwin on NEWI Cefn Druids 0 Halfassedstates 3

NEWI Cefn Druids lost their unbeaten home record in qualifying last night as they were walloped by Halfassedstates in The Hole. Two goals from Wicks and one from Bendy sealed the victory that virtually sealed the Hurricanes place in the finals, while seemingly condemning the Druids to another Cup of Harmony.

Manager Tim Welsh said after the match, "Well, its a bit of a shame really, with things going well for once. They're were good and we weren't. If we don't qualify, it's not hte end of the world. We've not qualified lots of times, so there's no harm there."

Worries are growing for Welsh, as he seems like a completely different man to the one that took the hotseat fifteen years ago. When he first took the job, he seened sure that he could easily turn the Druids fortunes around, after previous Head Coach Trevor Stevens was jailed for match fixing. However, Welsh seems like a shadow of his former self, as if the Druids have driven him over the edge. Despite the greater success of the Druids this time around, Welsh seems disinterested, as if he's not all there. He is due to see a psychiatrist before the squad travel to Ravenspire. If he is not passed fit to travel, then it is thought that Welsh's assistant Trevor Lee will manage the team until Welsh is declared fit to manage again.

Meanwhile, the Druids' chances of qualifying look as bleak as ever, with a four point gap now seperating themselves and Ravenspire in third place. Even if the Druids do win all of their remaining games, which seems most unlikely, especially considering their circumstances, then they must rely on one of the two teams directly above them slipping up, something that seems highly unlikely.

Final Score:
NEWI Cefn Druids 0
Halfassedstates 3 [Wicks 36, 56, Bendy 64]

DRUIDSPORT NEWSFLASH

NEWI Cefn Druids manager Tim Welsh has been taken into the Mentally Affected Druids (MAD) House in Llllllllllcwllllllll until further notice. During this time, Trevor Lee will look after team matters.

Adams' Late Goal Leads Nest to Qualification

1-0 Win over TnUI, Grand master Mark's Tie Not Enough To Keep pace

Visiting Eagle's Nest needed all 90 minutes to pull this one out, as Josh Adams' patented curving header in the 89th minute gave the nest their 11th consecutive win, and enough point to qualify for World Cup XIV. At halftime, most of the other games were done, and so the Nest knew a win would clinch qualification, and tried their hardest. TnUI's offense, bound and determined to gain three points on the Birds, tried as well. It was a great game of strikes and counter strikes, but a corner kick into Adams would end up being the difference. When they day was done, it was discovered that the Nest was officially the first team to qualify for WCXIV.

"Wow, that's unreal. I mean the last two cups, we had to go to the playoffs, or the last day or two. We've got 5 days to work on new things knowing that we are in. I do want to win this group however, I want to stay undefeated." said striker Josh Adams.

"This team has done some unreal things, beating teams I didn't know they could play so well against. I hope this carries over into the Cup proper," said Coach Aefnen.

The Nest has a full 10 points on second place Audioslavia, and 11 on TnUI. It appears that there is very little chance that Grand master Mark will catch either two of them, as both AS and TnUI have mostly games against teams on the lower end of the group.

The Nest travels next to East Spaam on their path to the Cup. Hopefully qualifying this soon does not result in a let down.

Useless Stats

[code:1:cc9711418b]
Top 5 Teams:
1. The Eagle's Nest 37 points
2. Snub Nose 38 35 points
3(t). Bedistan 34 points
3(t). The Lowland Clans 34 points
5(t). Brazillico 33 points
5(t). One Red Dot 33 points

Bottom 4 Teams:
100. Holy India 1 point
99. Keyshona 4 points
98. Dadoshan 5 points
97. Ineptia 6 points


Undefeated Teams Left:
The Eagle's Nest 12-1-0
Snub Nose 38 11-2-0
Brazillico 10-3-0
One Red Dot 10-3-0
Gesamtkuntswerk 9-4-0

Most Goals:
The Eagle's Nest (34)

Least Goals:
Holy India, Lalllania (10)

Fewest Goals Given Up:
Snub Nose 38, Gesamtkuntswerk (5)

Most Goals Allowed:
Makongo-Wodimalongo, Holy India, New Luca (36)

[/code:1:cc9711418b]

Whoops, the editor sent this story twice to the news wire.

He's fired.

Toucan do it for Eagles
Secour Secures two-goal loss for 'slaves

After four straight matches against unranked opposition, Audioslavia seemed out of their depth against talented opposition.

The 'slaves started the brighter of the two teams, creating a few chances in the first half an hour, before The 'Nest broke away, sliced straight through the 'slaves defence and had a good chance well saved by Scott. The Nest didnt really look back, and after half time they out-played a 'slave side who just couldnt get back into their rythm. Horace put the Nest ahead with a simple tap in, before setting up Secour for a second on the hour mark.

Jensen came close on a late counter-attack, but it looked like the closest the 'slaves were going to get to the Eagles' goal.

FINAL SCORE
The Eagles Nest 2 (Adams 53, Sedora 60)
Audioslavia 0
[code:1:ba8a8d25b4]
Table - Group 1 Pld W D L F A Pts
The Eagle's Nest 11 10 1 0 28-8 31
Total n Utter Insanity 11 8 2 1 22-6 26
Audioslavia 11 7 2 2 17-11 23
Grand Master Mark 11 5 2 4 21-16 17
East Spaam 11 3 4 4 19-16 13
New Montreal States 11 3 4 4 22-20 13
Larkinia 11 2 3 6 11-20 9
New Luca 11 2 2 7 12-28 8
Kendelstand 11 2 1 8 8-21 7
Presgreif 11 1 3 7 8-22 6 [/code:1:ba8a8d25b4]

Fortunately, Grand Master Mark's shocking home defeat to winless proppers Presgreif means that Audioslavia keep their six-point lead over fourth place, although TEN and TnUI both pull three points clear after their wins.

New Montreal States were another team which floundered at home, having to come back from 2-0 down to scrape a draw with third-bottom New Luca. As a result they slip down to sixth - ten points from qualification - behind East Spaam who like, totally beat Larkinia dude.

Audioslavia now look ahead to next weeks grudge match with Total 'n Utter Insanity. The 'slaves are anxious to avenge their 3-0 crushing earlier in the season, and a win would put them back on level terms with the Insanicians.

After the TnUI match comes a game against East Spaam, who held the 'slaves to a 2-2 draw when they visited last time round. Audioslavia have only beaten the Eastern Spaamanians once in five encounters. They'll definately need at least a point this time round.

After Spaam comes the six-pointer against Grand Master Mark. Already having beaten the Marks 2-1 away from home, the 'slaves would be looking for a repeat performance to make almost certain of qualification. The next game against New Montreal States shouldnt be too important if they can muster results against TnUI, East Spaam and Grand Master Mark, as their final four games all come against lesser teams.

Ive been Jeremy Jaffacake, g'nite bitches

------------------------------------------------------ (slani forums)

T-Day Landings Halt TnUI
'slaves piss all over insanicians

Last time out, Alan Belless scored three goals in the first three minutes against a 'slave side who fielded only five players. It was thought that this time, with eleven men on the field, the 'slaves might have been able to halt the insanicians.

However, as the teams lined up, something seemed amiss: Audioslavia only seemed to have five players again, and memories of that 3-0 defeat in TnUI came flooding back, especially when Alan Belless put Total 'n Utter Insanity in the lead after thirty seconds, after summoning a tempest to blow a Callum Jensen cross over to the Audioslavia goal.

Belless then got the ball and proceeded to run rings around the five Audioslavians. Bearing down on goal and looking destined to score number two, suddenly the stadium was subjected to a giant roar, out-roaring even the crazy Audioslavian supporters. It was a plane, carrying the other six Audioslavian first-team, and they were parachuting down over the TnUI border.

It was reported that TnUI 'intelligence' had picked up reports from Audioslavia saying that the team were going to land on the corner flag and battle up the sidelines, and seven players had been stationed there. However, it was not the case, and Alan Belless stopped playing football and tried to work out what was happening. Ben Pearce tackled him, and smacked the ball up to the newly-parachuted Jonny Willow, who rifled the ball into the goal for 1-1.

The game restarted, and Alan Belless seemed again to be on top form, having no trouble in beating the Audioslavian defence again as he sought to put TnUI back into the lead. He nut-megged James Reid, flicked the ball over Ben Pearce and rounded the goalkeeper brilliantly, but just as he was about to score from all of three yards out, the aeroplane that carried the Audioslavian T-Day landing squad dropped a block of frozen urine on him. The blind Scousenglander waved play on, and Audioslavia took the ball up the field, past a shocked TnUI team, and into the goal.

Belless, in an amazing show of strengh, determination, will, and deadened tastebuds from eating too much Belmore Cuisine, managed to eat is way to the top of the block of frozen urine halfway through the second half. After Audioslavia had dominated proceedings since his urine-crushing incident, the tide seemed to have turned.

Belless raced upfield, nicked the ball off of Donal Faulder, and started on getting the ball back to the Audioslavian goal. The 'slaves defence, and goalkeeper James Scott, saw the danger. They had relied on the block of frozen piss (which turned out to be Spaamanian lager when later checked out, as it contained almost no alcohol and tasted even worse than piss) blocking the goal from any TnUI shots, but now that Belless had gnawed a big chunk out of it, the Audioslavian goal looked in danger.

James Scott had a brainwave. In a flash, he mounted the urine, threw his shorts down, and started pissing like he'd never pissed before, in an effort to fill the gap left by Belless. As Alan Belless raced towards the goal with the ball, the urineless gap in the block of urine was only half full! Belless could still blast the ball through the weak spot and equalize! Reid, Pearce and Carsley joined Scott replenishing the slab's lost piss. The crowd saw what the players were doing, and started chanting 'piss! piss! piss!'. The smaller TnUI following were also chanting, but due to the... different... sexual leanings of Insanician football fans, their chant was borrowed from mid-nineties cheese merchants 'Shampoo':

'Uh-oh, urine trouble, someones come along and they've burst your bubble oh yeah...'

Belless continued to bear down on goal, until as he reached the penalty area, he closed his eyes and smacked the ball as hard as he could towards the newlyreplenishedbutnotquitefrozenyet part of the urine-block.

BANG

The heat on the ball that Belless' blast had generated had made the piss heat up and explode, covering the Cornell stand in Spaamanian lager, and also shorting out the floodlights in the stadium. Everything was black, no one knew what had happened... for a few seconds, everyone in the stadium thought the same things.... What happened to the ball? Why was the piss highly-explosive? What happened to the guys on top of the pile of piss? Is Violet Max Barry?

BLINK!

The floodlights blinked on. The ball had dropped onto the roof of the net, whilst Scott, Pearce, Reid and Carsley had dropped onto the stadium roof, having been blasted high into the earth's atmosphere. Luckily, the ego of the Scousenglander referee had broken their fall, and they waited for the fire brigade to come and rescue them from the top of the Soundgardian National Arena. Alan Belless was seemingly unscathed, but as the game restarted, he was stung by a wasp, and had to go off injured.

FINAL SCORE
Audioslavia 2 (Willow 3, Faulder 5)
Total 'n Utter Insanity 1 (Tempest 1)

[u]stuff ripped off:[u]
TnUI's 3-0 win over Audioslavia
The D-Day Deception Plan 'Operation Fortitude'
Shakespeare's 'The Tempest'
[Violet]
Spaam and Audioslavia's flaming session in World Cup 13
Shampoo's awful mid-nineties hit, 'Trouble'
Liverpool England's referees/ego

whoops!

OOC: I think we have our first RP Award ^

IC:

TnUI History - Part the sixth

A thriving metropolis replaces the old city.

Insanician the first: ...and that's when we decided to change our names to Insanicians.

Spaamanian the only: Let me get this straight, you gathered up all these glowing green rocks and then sold 'em to this lesser human for some gold bars?

Insanician the second: Alan Belmore was his name, right tosser.

Alan Belmore the first: Did someone call?

Insanician the first: f--- off!

Alan Belmore the first: Bi.

Insanician the second: Idiot.

Spaamanian the only: How come the rocks didn’t send them insane?

Insanician the first: Turns out Belmoron physiology is different to normal people, so the rocks only make them stupid

Kingsforder the only: Anyone fancy some gay porn?

Spaamanian the only: Got any lesbian porn?

Kingsforder the only: No, not much demand for it round here.

Brazillican the first and Brazillican the second are fighting in the background.

From the pages of The Red Dot Informant


ORD claim top spot again after MD13..... ............Giant Zucchini collapse to a 0-2 loss...... ...Gesamtkuntswerk's drew again.... ........MD13 full of draws as the only match won was by ORD against GZ... .....ORD, Gesamtkuntswerk and GZ most likely to proceed without problems.... ....OOC:..... .....exam week coming, RP's almost very unlikely.....

Yahoo!!!!!!!!!!!!
Melmond Continues 5-Game Unbeaten Streak With Win Over The Confederate
By Ian Oioi of the Faasen Times

FAASEN, MELMOND—Although the Melmond National Team was in their home nation, the conditions in MPNK Stadium didn’t seem to favor them all too much. The skies were very gray, just like The Confederate’s uniforms. The crowd was also split, as the city of Faasen isn’t necessarily known for its overwhelming support of sports unless it has a winner on it hands. Melmond has certainly not been a loser recently, but with a lackluster start, you cannot say that they are winners just yet. About 17,000 Melmond fans showed up at MPNK Stadium to cheer on their team. However, just as many people from The Confederate shipped their trailers all the way to the Exclusive Capitalizt Zone and took themselves a little road trip to Faasen and came into MPNK Stadium rowdy.
As the Melmond National Team came out of the tunnel, the abrasively rocking sounds of local prog-punkers Deimos Flare tortured the already on the pitch The Confederate side. The PA guy was basically the twelfth person, using his assortment of rock to take The Confederate side into a world of sonic hurt. They were far away from their honky tonk, egalitarian lands. Although many good ol’ boys have shown up in support, they merely shared in their pain.
However, at the 22nd minute of the first half, The Confederate side gave the good ol’ boys a nice analgesic. The Melmond defence had a hard time defending against the zig-zagging attack of The Confederate strikers Bo and Luke Duke. Taking advantage of a nice screen by midfielder Dolly Parton in which the progress of Melmond defender Phael Survigosis was impeded, The Confederate midfielder Crazy Cooter lobs up a ball right in front of the goalkeeper’s box. A zig-zagging Luke Duke looked to be in position to head the ball past Melmond goalkeeper Snhp Xtfuinxm. However, Luke Duke makes a surprising yet admittedly brilliant pass with his head to his zig-zagging brother Bo Duke who completely takes Xtfuinxm by surprise and kicks the ball right across the goalkeeper into the net. The Melmond faithful had that, “Here we go again” look on their face while the good ol’ boys were happier than pigs in slop as Bo Duke’s goal at the 22nd minute puts The Confederate in the lead 1-nil.
The PA blared the song “Rock On” by The Lying Eyes, a song about picking yourself up after misfortune. Life certainly imitated art as far as the Melmond National Team was concerned. A dazzling display of teamwork by Camui Arai and Critandi Unne showed Melmond’s midfield prowess. After a Critandi Unne interception by a bad Crazy Cooter pass, Critandi Unne was able to find Camui Arai, who was able to outrun any would be challengers for possession. The Confederate defence settled as Camui Arai was in striking distance of the keeper. Then Critandi Unne comes streaking by. Arai delivers a less than desired cross, too low for a header. However, Critandi Unne’s brilliant improvising by jumping feet first toward the path of the ball and kicking the ball in the net past The Confederate goalkeeper General Lee with hir left foot. Critandi Unne may have landed a little hard on her side, but she got up to celebrate with her teammates as s/he evens up the score at the 36th minute 1-1. The first half would end with the same score.
The majority of the second half was a dazzling display of goalkeeping by both sides as the defences were rather porous. Melmond goalkeeper Snhp Xtfuinxm had the physical and mental ability to stop the teamwork and rapid zig-zags of The Confederate strikers Bo and Luke Duke, intercepting any chance the duo could make to score a goal. All other attacks such as strikes from other players and corner kicks were easily dispatched by Xtfuinxm.
The Confederate goalkeeper General Lee certainly had his moments as well. Many times were the Melmond strikers may have thought they have had an open net to shoot at, General Lee will accelerate as fast as he can and rob the Melmond player of the goal.
However, there was one that General Lee certain couldn’t have robbed. As the crowd gets restless on both sides, the Melmond faithful starting waving their rally farmer hats and starting singing what they knew of songs by the Deimos Flare. Deimos Flare is the favorite band of the late Melmondian striker and all-time leading scorer in the Melmond Premier League Taxt. It’s as if they were trying to bring his spirit to the match. The Melmondians could very well do that given their reputation in magic and actually having been able to bring people well dead to life.
However, interrupting the festivities in the stands was the entire McPloy clan. The clan believes that one of the rally farmer hats being waved by Melmondian fan Reedy Kensmascher was one of theirs. They accused Kensmascher of being a prowler and attacked him. Security was quickly upon the McPloy clan as they were in trouble with the law. In a mocking gesture, the Melmond policepeople slid on the hood of their police car after putting the McPloy clan in the backseat. Yes, the whole clan of twelve in one back seat. Gotta admire Melmondian engineering and not admire that policepeople are smug wherever in the world you are.
Anyway the Melmondian fans believe the spirit of Taxt entered Melmondian striker Benjamin Leeb, as Leeb and fellow striker Mornakh the Bloody Handed made an interplay reminiscent of the teamwork of Mornakh the Bloody Handed and Taxt displayed while teammates at their club side Melmond City Blues. Leeb had the ball and raised his foot as if he was going to make a hard strike, and then he just crosses the foot over to make a soft kiss of a pass to Mornakh the Bloody Handed in which he just nailed past General Lee at the 83rd minute to give Melmond the 2-1 lead which would end up being the final score.

Goals
B. Duke, TCO 22nd
C. Unne, MEL 36th
Bloody Handed, MEL 83rd

Cards
None

Standings

Other Group 10 Results
Largent 1 – Oceaice 3
EL CID THE HERO 1 – Lallania 0
The Weegies 0 – Eauz 1
Brazillico 1 – Europa Brittania 1

[code:1:6665ad52d4]Group 10
Pts W D L GF:GA GD
1. Brazillico 33 10 3 0 32:11 21
2. Eauz 29 9 2 2 23:8 15
3. Europa Brittania 28 8 4 1 25:9 16
4. The Confederate 19 5 4 4 23:22 1
5. EL CID THE HERO 19 6 1 6 15:19 -4
6. Melmond 18 5 3 5 19:19 0
7. The Weegies 13 4 1 8 11:16 -5
8. Oceaice 11 3 2 8 15:25 -10
9. Largent 7 2 1 10 12:25 -13
10. Lallania 7 2 1 10 10:31 -21[/code:1:6665ad52d4]

Melmond Team Stats
Goals: Mornakh the Bloody Handed (5), Critandi Unne (5), Chris Owen (4), Benjamin Leeb (4), Diallo Unne (1), Rainy Zoulthane (1)
Cards: Scott Cheney (2), Chris Owen (1), Kestrel Bluesummers (1), Jonsi Torrini (1), Cristina Antunez (1), Paul “Edgy” Shields (1)

The Melmond National Team Schedule

@ EL CID THE HERO L 2-1
@ Oceaice T 1-1
v Largent (Microcosm Stadium, Aldi) W 3-0
@ The Confederate T 3-3
v Lallania (Xpress Counsel Field, Cali) L 3-2
@ Eauz L 3-0
v Europa Brittania (Feliz-Unne Stadium, Unne) L 2-0
@ Brazillico L 2-0
v The Weegies (Frankndottir Stadium, Acosta) W 1-0
v EL CID THE HERO (Woocat Books Ballpark, O’Connor) W 3-0
v Oceaice (Lifedonations Stadium, Morales) T 1-1
@ Largent W 2-1
v The Confederate (MPNK Stadium, Faasen) W 2-1
@ Lallania
v Eauz (White Bread Dome, Suburbia)
@ Europa Brittania
v Brazillico (Melmond Bowl, Melmond City)
@ The Weegies

Next Game
at Lallania

Despite the tear that the Melmond National Team went on, we are still the Forsaken Farmers as we are stuck in sixth place. Who can we blame? Blame our next opponent Lallania. After all, Lallania is the side that inexplicably beat Melmond at home, which started the big losing streak. Also, Lallania failed to beat EL CID THE HERO in their last game as EL CID THE HERO still has the fifth spot on points. Basically the Lallanian side has been one big pain in the arse for Melmond football. As Melmond is on a hot strike and Lallania is claiming its place in futility in the football world, expect Melmond to exact some revenge. Even the wise old man, Manager Felix Coostatlwak, is putting his best players on the pitch so that even he can take the pleasure of slaughtering the Lallanian side.

GK- Snhp Xtfuinxm
D- Jonsi Torrini
D- Sergio Ortiz
D- Scott Cheney
D- Nina Steen
M- Martin Goodwin
M- Critandi Unne
M- Camui Arai
M- Cristina Antunez
F- Mornakh the Bloody Handed
F- Chris Owen

For tickets to Lallania and the match, call the Therewegoes Travel Agency at 3-18-357-9009. Lallania is truly an abysmal nation which rivals Abysmalistan on the scale of abysmality. The people never do what they say they do. It’s best that you just go to the game, cheer on your countrypeoples to humiliate the Lallania side and go home.

From the Bedistan Sports Digest:

What the Slani Hell Just Happened?
Lions suffer first loss of WC14 qualifying

BELMØRIAN SCÄNDINAVIA -- Bedistan Lions manager Johnny Lewis was at a loss to explain his team's performance against Belmorian Scandinavia today. The Lions had defeated the Scandinavians 3-1 in their previous outing and were on an incredible thirteen-game undefeated streak, by far the longest in Bedistani history. "I guess it had to end sooner or later," was all Lewis could find to say.

Luckily, Kerla also lost to Dennisov, so the Lions retain their five-point lead in Group 6. Tadjikistan defeated Bobbystan 3-1 to close their gap on the top three, leaving the Lions' magic qualification number at four points. The Lions and the Tadjiks meet up in their next match at James Parker National Stadium, where a home team victory would put them in the Emerald Heights. You can bet there'll be a huge turnout.

Camels Out of Steam?
Embarrassing loss can't be a good sign

Tingitana's loss yesterday wasn't enough to cause them to lose a position, but their hold on fourth place is becoming increasingly shaky. Though the Camels are still just one point behind the Belmore Family, most analysts are no longer predicting them to qualify. In fact, expert opinions now put them in fifth place at the end, the lowest predictions yet. All the same, it was good while it lasted.

Le LIBRE

Les Bleus retourne en 2eme place.


Les Bleus entered the match having finished two matches with ties. They wanted to get out of the tie slide and back on the winning run. This match would also be important because they could gain ground on the other top teams, and regain their second place position. In the way of a victory was struggling Weegies team, looking to come back from a disappointing first half.

The captain, Joseuf, in a hope to get Les Bleus back on a winning way said he would shave his head, and keep it shaved, until they lost again. The match started off with a loud roaring cheer from the Weegies fans, which were looking for an upset and bring about a victory for their team. The fans roars played a big deal in the first half of the match. Les Bleus started off with the ball, and came out of the box in a hurry. With his head shaved just before the match by Yeuseuv the goal keeper for Les Bleus, Joseuf got himself open, unfortunately, the ball was taken away from anyone to pass it to Joseuf. That play eventually leads to an attack by the Weegies. The Eauz defence held up though, and staged off the attack without a shot on the goal. During the 42nd minute of play, Les Bleus finally found Joseuf who kicked the ball, only to hit the right post of the net. Frustrated Joseuf couldn’t believe that he has missed on two opportunities to score. Just before the first half finished, returning to the game after a red card suspension, Rousseu found the back of the net, on a long distance shot on goal putting Les Bleus up 1 – 0.

The fans cheers turned to silence as they saw once again their team getting down in a match. The fans were expecting a loss, because the last time the Weegies played at home, they lost 2 – 0. The second half brought new life to a Weegies team. The team’s captain gathered the team and raised the moral. The Weegies crossed into the Eauz zone, putting on pressure. The ball was kicked towards the net, deflecting off an Eauz player and out. The Weegies got a corner kick, which was kicked too far. A Weegies player got control of the ball, and kicked it towards to net, only to hit the top cross bar. Nothing resulted from this attack, but it lasted for 7 minutes. Les Bleus finally regrouped and were able to keep the Weegies out of their zone for the rest of the match. Nothing of great proportions occurred after that as Les Bleus went on to a 1 – 0 victory.

Coaches Comments: Well, even though Joseuf didn’t score tonight, I’m glad that he shaved his big hairy head. Maybe we can win, but I hope that the shaving of the head doesn’t turn into a curse for him or our team. I felt we played very well, and the Weegies team also played well. This match could have gone any way, and fortunate for us, it went in favour of us!

Currently, Les Bleus are in 2nd place, only 4 points out of first place, and 1 point ahead of third place Europea Britannia. Currently in group 10, there are 3 groups eliminated and the Weegies have a possibility of being eliminated, as they lay on the boarder of being eliminated. Unless a complete upset occurs, it appears that the teams advancing in this group will be the expected teams of Brazillico, Eauz and Europa Britannia. The last 5 matches will prove who positions where.

The next match for Les Bleus will be at home to EL Cid. The last time these two teams met was in El Cid as Les Bleus won the match 2 – 0. Look for a stronger attempt on both sides, but especially with Les Bleus who will be at home for this match. A victory by Les Bleus could hinder the chances for EL Cid to qualifying.

[code:1:5ff5f602f0]
Pos Team P W D L F A GD Pts PP
1 Brazillico 13 10 3 0 32 11 21 33 48
2 Eauz 13 9 2 2 23 8 15 29 44
3 Europa Britannia 13 8 4 1 25 9 16 28 43
4 The Confederate 13 5 4 4 23 22 1 19 34
5 EL CID THE HERO 13 6 1 6 15 19 -4 19 34
6 Melmond 13 5 3 5 19 19 0 18 33
7 The Weegies 13 4 1 8 11 16 -5 13 28
8 Oceaice 13 3 2 8 15 25 -10 11 26 ELIM
9 Largent 13 2 1 10 12 25 -13 7 22 ELIM
10 Lallania 13 2 1 10 10 31 -21 7 22 ELIM
[/code:1:5ff5f602f0]


Match Day 1: Oceaice @ Eauz W 4 - 2
Match Day 2: Europa Britannia vs Eauz L 1 - 0
Match Day 3: Eauz @ BrazillicoL 1 - 2
Match Day 4: The Weegies @ Eauz W 0 - 1
Match Day 5: Eauz @ EL CID THE HERO W 2 - 0
Match Day 6: Melmond @ Eauz W 0 - 3
Match Day 7: Eauz @ Largent W 2 - 0
Match Day 8: The Confederate @ Eauz W 0 - 2
Match Day 9 : Eauz @ Lallania W 1 - 0

Match Day 10: Eauz @ Oceaice W 2 - 0
Match Day 11: Eauz @ Europa Britannia T 2 - 2
Match Day 12: Brazillico @ Eauz T 1 - 1
Match Day 13: Eauz @ The Weegies W 1 - 0
Match Day 14: EL CID THE HERO @ Eauz
Match Day 15: Eauz @ Melmond
Match Day 16: Largent @ Eauz
Match Day 17: Eauz @ The Confederate
Match Day 18: Lallania @ Eauz

The Evil Umpire ties Airenguo 2-2. The terrible tripping tea bags wreak havoc again!

Turnia City Tribune

Associated Press Quick Flash

Eliminated Dragons lose in lackluster performance-- Turnia 0 - 2 Mattigool

Yesterday's 4-0 loss eliminated the Dragons from WC14 contention and prompted former head coach Leon Odle to step down. Taking over on an interim basis for the lame duck Dragons is Paul Odle, the brother of the former coach. His hope was to infuse the team with renewed drive and excitment, however all the new coach received was a lame and lackluster performance from his team.

It is obvious the team is ready for this to end so they can go home and lick their wounds. As the final games play out, expect more of the same like today's loss to Mattigool. However Paul had better hope not if he has any hope of being the head coach for WC15.

APQF

List of Qualified teams, mathematically and probably, by group
[code:1:2742461ee9]Group Team Pts Fourth Placed Team PP
1 The Eagles Nest 37 Grand Master Mark 33
3 Snub Nose 38 38 NEWI Cefn Druids 37
4 - Tanah Burung not yet through mathematically but probably qualified
5 - Svecia not yet through mathematically but probably qualified
6 Bedistan 37 Tadjikistan 34
7 - The Lowland Clans not yet through mathematically but probably qualified
9 One Red Dot 36
Gesamtkuntswerk 34 Wella 32
10 Brazillico 36 The Confederate 32
- Eauz not yet through mathematically but probably qualified[/code:1:2742461ee9]

Guy Picciotto off to good start: Liverpool England 4 - 2 NASTIC 2

Guy Piccitto got off to a superb start as Liverpool England's head coach when the Philosophers thrashed NASTIC 2 by 4-2 in a match which all but sealed qualification. It will now take only a very, very dismal run of form for the team not to qualify.

Picciotto, who before the match had only met the players officially for the first time, told press afterwards that he was "very nervous, this being my first game with the team."

Well, Mr Nervous can now relax - he has theteam at full strength, as seen in the match where four goals came from four different players with four different assistants each time around.

Liverpool England 4:2 NASTIC 2
-Hawkins 31
-Dirosa 44
-Granigen 56
-Johnson 90

The Crocodiles stepped off the blimp on to the soil of Ineptia.

"Welcome to the Heartland, please ensure you have all your belongings." As always, there was no clear indication of who exactly was speaking over the blimp's PA system. "The Heartland is known for its extremely large number of nations and incessant claims to being the best footballing region in the world. Enjoy your stay."

The Crocs stepped, as we said, off.

"Hey," said Rashid Nazir, the team captain. "The Heartland smells funny."

"Is that ... beer?" Maria Miskita asked.

"Lite beer, maybe."

"Lite, lite, lite beer. Or maybe someone's cat threw up in a frosted mug."

Nazir cracked a Stout Lemming. Now that was beer. Savouring the great taste of chicken, he passed the ball up to Miskita. Goodness, the match had started already. He must have blacked out and lost his memory of getting to the stadium. Yup, a very fine ale. Oh, Maria scored. In fact, she seemed to have scored a few times.

Somehow, the score was 4-0. Nazir took another swig. Frick, he said to himself, and punched a large poster of the President of Ineptia hanging on the wall. He thinks he's such a big man. But his mother sucks eggs. Hey, maybe that's why the Heartland smells funny.

The ball was coming straight at Nazir. It had eyes! And teeth! Aauuuugh! He ducked, and then punched the goalkeeper loutishly. After that, it all got a bit fuzzy.

Final score:
Ineptia 1 Tanah Burung 5
(Miskita 2, Mutang, Budiarjo, Bin Amude)

BREAKING NEWS
Liverpool England Government Sues Nazir of Crocs for Damaging Ineptian poster worth L£1m [GB£1.1m, or US$0.56m]

More details to come, however it is suspected that the suit is partly due to the recent loss of lives of the Ineptian Grand Duke and Duchess.

A loss, but not lost


Bedistan - The national team lost its 14th match in Bedistan today. Bedistan, playing at home, was stronger then Tadjikistan and scored twice. But as said, it was expected to be difficult.

The next match will be against Kerla, in the Buranbay stadium in Dushanbe. Kerla is doing good in the group and won its match against Belmorian Scandinavia with 2-0 at home. It will again be a hard task to secure some points, but not impossible. The Tadjik team can stunt against opponents such as Kerla. In fact Tadjikistan has to win to keep up with Dennisov who won their match and added 3 points to their total of 25.

M1: Tadjikistan - Intelligent Madness W 2-1
M2: Aerigia - Tadjikistan W 1-3
M3: Tadjikistan - Keyshona W 3-1
M4: Bobbystan - Tadjikistan L 2-1
M5: Tadjikistan - Bedistan L 1-2
M6: Kerla - Tadjikistan L1-0
M7: Tadjikistan - Dennisov L 1-4
M8: Belmorian Scandinavia - Tadjikistan W 1-2
M9: Tadjikistan - Vollmeria T 1-1
M10: Intelligent Madness - Tadjikistan L 3-1
M11: Tadjikistan - Aerigia W 4-2
M12: Keyshona - Tadjikistan W 0-3
M13: Tadjikistan - Bobbystan W 3-1
M14: Bedistan - Tadjikistan L 2-0
M15: Tadjikistan - Kerla
M16: Dennisov - Tadjikistan
M17: Tadjikistan - Belmorian Scandinavia
M18: Vollmeria - Tadjikistan

From the KaMaRi Update

Losing my religion
The Orange-Blues defeated Praying2God in the home match after drawing 1-1 in the first leg match. The match took place in the KaMaRi kaletri stadium in (as you would guess:) KaMaRi kali.

Like against Iansisle, the Orange-Blues played very defensivly and a mere System Karela. the reason for this was maybe the fact, that coach Laxtu Takil was ill and his vice Myk Linkosa did want to avoid a loss at any costs. The only goal in this match was scored by midfielder Liy Ra after a penalty kick.

Even some rejistanian fans, who are used to System Karela from the league (especially of course from Karela lines) demand a more exciting style of match. One fan chant was: "Linkosa deseni'il, il'la'milhan hetaki!" (Linkosa, remember that you played forward!)

The result:
Rejistania 1 (Ra 65th)
Praying2God 0

In other news, Rejistania's player is pretty busy IRL

[GB£1.1m, or US$0.56m]

Millions of Insanicians have become overnight millionaires, exchanging dollars for pounds in LE, then switching them back in TnUI. This has left a very large hole in the TnUI labour market.

In other news LE has fallen into complete chaos as their national bank went bankrupt. Over a billion people lost their life savings. Angry mobs now roam the streets. With no one able to pay for anything mass looting is taking place, the power grid has shut down and there is no running water. Millions trying to escape this disaster have fled to TnUI, under the promise of jobs and safety.

Join us for more at ten.

Let’s go over and hear the latest, Nick.

Thanks Roger. I’m standing here on the Liverpool England border; it isn’t safe to venture further in without your own personal army. The entire national grid has shut down, the only light coming from inside are sporadic fires, dotted across the landscape. Now I want to give you a brief run down of what we believe happened.

2:00 pm local time. LE Government announce they are planning to sue TB. They show their exchange rate as £2 to the dollar.

2:10 pm. Massive amounts of calls from TnUI to the LE national bank requesting exchanges. This almost jams the switchboard.

2:45 pm. LE national bank goes bankrupt, but keeps quiet.

3:00 pm. LE media find out about the bankruptcy.

3:30 pm. Switchboard jams with people trying to withdraw their money.

4:00 pm. First looting occurs.

5:00 pm. Mass rioting.

5:30 pm. Powergrid goes offline.

6:15 pm. Water supply cut off.

8:00 pm. Mass exodus of people.

9:00 pm. TnUI begins airlifting people to safety.

The Heartland nations are expected to rally around LE and help it with food and financial aid till it gets back on its feet, but it could be months before things return back to normal, and for some, that might just be too late. Nick Diamond, Liverpool England border.

Well that’s all from the ten o’clock news. Have a good evening.

Halfassed continue march towards finals.

After drawing with SN38 and the Ravens, Halfassed headed to NEWI and inflicted the Druids first defeat at the Hole. Wicks got the cruical opener mid-way through the first half. His second sealed the points and Sean Bendy blasted the third as the persistant Druid players heads finally dropped. The win coupled with SN38 drawing with the Ravens saw the Hurricanes move back into 2nd in the group.

They consolidated that position last night with a 2-0 win over the Redavic Union at the City of Whogivesa Stadium. Wicks was again the hero of the hour scoring both goals. The first after 55 minutes from a Bendy corner. The second came just 5 minutes from the end as Flynn slid the ball through to Ya who got to the by-line before cutting the ball back for Wicks to slam home from just 6 yards.

With the Ravens unable to beat the Druids, the Hurricanes have extended their lead in the race for second place, but there are still three teams in the race for the two places left behind Snub Nose in group 3.

Diego Morales: Hi, I'm Diego Morales

Mike Indigo: And I'm Mike Indigo and welcome to the BSN Group 10 Qualification Review.

Morales: A big day for Brazillican football as they tried to clinch their first birth in a World Cup in 32 years. To do so, they'd have to go to Oceaice and fetch themselves some points.

Indigo: Brazillico jogged out on the field and got a rather sour reaction from the home crowd, not happy over the scandal under which Oceaician players were believed to me nameless, as portrayed to the Brazillican media.

Morales: And the Oceaice side looked angry too, and didn't take long to direct that anger in the right place, as Rene Boulpiquante scored in the fourth minute, following by a celebration where he pointed to the name on the back of his jersey.

Indigo: But the Oceaice celebration was short lived, as Brazillico scored on the ensuing touch. Alex Cannon tapped back to Sandro Cannon routinely and Sandro rocketed the ball forward towards the opposing net. The Oceaician keeper who was nowhere to be seen in the box, was having a chat with an Oceaician pop star whose name we don't care to mention who was sitting behind the net. All square at 1, baby.

Morales: You could have swore that the Oceaician keeper hadn't even seen the goal, perhaps he was mesmorized by the pop star's ample chest. On the ensuing drop of the ball, Sandro Cannon hustled in, stole it away, and launched another one on net. Yet again, the Oceaician keeper was just nodding and smiling while leaning against the post, while the pop star rambled on and on, seemingly content someone wasn't just interested in her fame, wealth and breasts. Brazillico lead by 1.

Indigo: That was quite enough for the Oceaician manager, who decided to pull the goaltender and replace him in the seventh minute. Dr. Cosmo countered by putting in Bertrand Durango for Alex Cannon. And then, the unthinkable. Brazillico dropped into an 8-1-1, having only been witnessed once when the Insanicians tried to foil Al Quds awesome offense at all costs. Of course, it didn't work then, but no one would dare confuse Oceaice's offense of being awesome. Likewise, nobody ever accused TnUI's defense of being awesome either.

Morales: The rest of the match saw the type of action you'd expect if one team was playing an 8-1-1, not much. But the Chili Bats and their faithful did not care, as they went on to preserve the 2-1 victory.

Indigo: A victory? Does that mean Brazillico adds three points to their name?

Morales: Of course. And you know what that means.

Indigo: Brazillico are through to the World Cup!

Confetti comes floating down for the rafters and a large blue banner with the word "QUALIFIED!" drops behind the BSN desk. Indigo and Morales grab a couple of Stout Lemmings from under the desk and start shaking them and then hosing each other with them. After their Grand Prix like hosedown, Morales takes a sip of his Stout Lemming.

Morales: Wow! It's like they've harnessed the awesome power of chickens and put it in a beer! And even if what I got was all head, it's still sensational!

Indigo: WOOOOOO! Anyway, we'd normally recap the rest of the group to see who's nipping at our heels, but since we qualified, frankly we dont give a sh*t.

Morales: You can't say that on television! It's people like you that make others think Brazillicans are foul-mouthed.

Indigo: I'll show you foul-mouthed!

Indigo tackles Morales and the two begin to scrap. They've not scrapping because they're angry, nothing could be farther from the truth. It's just they've seldom felt the joy of World Cup Qualification and they don't quite know what to do with it. Similar situations should be happening around Brazillico, with men hugging other men, people inexplicably doing good deeds and a freakishly large amount of people calling in sick to work tomorrow. But the only thing that matters right now is that finally, Brazillico is back in the World Cup.

LALLANIA IS READY TO QUIT

After having failed to secure a victory in their last ten matches, Lallanian newspapers have started publishing page-long advertisements calling for citizens to try out for their football program. The team and the country have become increasingly frustrated at watching their beloved team get shut out or lose to teams that they could be beating. The coaches and team were excited at their valiant play in a 1-0 loss to Eauz, but have been disappointed ever since.

"It all comes down to the Largent match for us now," says Lallanian sports analyst Ivana Golortoo. "If we can beat them, we may be able to climb out of the basement. And with a streak of luck, we may even clamber off of these damned "Bottom-feeder" lists that newspapers insist on publishing. We know that we are terrible - we don't need to be reminded."

Already, over 100 Lallanians have laced up their trainers and have taken to the fields again to try to earn their way onto the team, which promises to look sharper in their final games of this year's Cup.

The Daily Druid

WELSH OUT OF HIS MIND, DRUIDS OUT OF THE FRAME?
Wayne Ottgunn-Irwin on Ravenspire 1 NEWI Cefn Druids 1 and TIm Welsh in the Llllllllllcwllllllll MAD House.

While the Druid football team looked to be heading out of the World Cup in qualifying again, their manager Tim Welsh was back home in NEWI Cefn Druids, where he was being looked after by some of the top psychiatrists in the country.

The match itself was not that bad. Both teams put up a good fight, and a draw seemed a fair result. The goals were scored within three minutes of each other. After many a chance went begging for both sides, Simon Greaves opened the scoring on 72 minutes from a badly cleared corner, but this was soon equalised by Joy Ng* with fifteen minutes left.

It means that the Druids are four points behind the Ravens with four to play. It means that the Druids will probably not qualify, unless the Ravens completely collapse and the Druids win their last four. Which won't happen.

[code:1:975fae3dd6]Table - Group 3
Snub Nose 38 14 12 2 0 32-7 38 Q
Halfassedstates 14 10 2 2 24-9 32
Ravenspire 14 8 5 1 18-10 29
NEWI Cefn Druids 14 7 4 3 23-15 25
Pablicosta 14 4 5 5 18-20 17 P
The Redavic Union 14 4 3 7 24-25 15 E
Airenguo 14 4 2 8 18-23 14 E
Tepalguana 14 2 5 7 18-28 11 E
The Evil Umpire 14 3 2 9 18-30 11 E
Holy lndia 14 0 2 12 10-36 2 E
[/code:1:975fae3dd6]

*WC13 Roster used.

Meanwhile, back home, manager Tim Welsh was in the Mentally Affected Druids (MAD) House in Llllllllllcwllllllll last night while his team played for the first time without him. Welsh had never before missed a Druid game before, even when they played a game in the Field Hockey World Cup in New Manhattan. Our thoughts are with him and his relatives at this difficult time, and we hope that he makes a full recovery.

Let’s go over and hear the latest, Nick.

Thanks Roger. I’m standing here on the Liverpool England border; it isn’t safe to venture further in without your own personal army. The entire national grid has shut down, the only light coming from inside are sporadic fires, dotted across the landscape.

Picciotto bails for Lemmitania

With the Liverpudlian Englander economy in ruins and rioters demolishing the dark, foetid nation, Philosopher manager Guy Picciotto today boarded an Inanician airlift bound for Audioslavia, thence to its northern neighbor, Lemmitania. "What the hell was I thinking?" Picciotto asked the several reporters intrepid enough to still be reporting on football in the devastated country. "I left the frigging Emerald Heights for this?"

When asked why he was going to Lemmitania, and not back to his native Oglethorpia, Picciotto replied, "Well, my managerial career's pretty much over, back home. But my bassist has a recurring gig as goalkeeper for the Lemmings whenever Lemmette Blue doesn't show up. So I'm hoping to get in as, like, defensive coach over there."

Asked what this means regarding his contract with the Philosophers, Picciotto said, "What, they're still planning to play? You're friggin' kidding me!" He then muttered something about checking the contract, which, having been approved by Oglethorpian advocates, runs to over seven thousand pages. "I think there's an escape clause in there in case of complete economic collapse of my employer," he added.

The ticker in Kaza Sports Square...

PROGRESSANS SEAL SPOT IN WORLD CUP FOURTEEN... PRODUCTION OF MINIATURE MARGARET STATUES REACHES ALL-TIME RECORD... EXCHANGE RATE BLUNDER BANKRUPTS LIVERPOOL ENGLAND CENTRAL BANK, LEFA SET TO CONFIRM NATIONAL TEAM UNAFFECTED... ALAN BELMORE CLONING PRODUCTION BEGINS IN KP-TBF BORDER CITY OF YUZISAN; LOCAL TEAM PURCHASE FIRST CLONE FOR 800,000 KAKS... PROGRESSANS ACTUALLY SLANI WON AGAIN???...

At this point, the ticker develops a bug. A crowd gathers in the square, centred around the statue of Margaret.

A banner is seen about half an hour later... 'We thank Margaret for our wins and we thank Abysmalistan for our ticker.'

Fearless Once Again!
Melmond in Fourth Place After Victory Against Lallania
By Taro Root of the Suburbia Free Press

LALLANIA—It may not have been the utter rout that the Melmond National Team was hoping for, but Melmond left the nation of Lallania more than satisfied with their 2-1 victory over Lallania.
The Melmond National Team was welcomed to an utterly dilapidated stadium in Lallania. The stands were made of decaying wood and were all wet from the latest rains. The field was basically half grass and half mud puddle. Melmond had struggled in their last match in a muddy field, where they blew a 3-nil lead over The Confederate. However, this was going to be a different story as they will be the comeback side.
After some fast and furious play between both sides as the ball went from end to end, Melmond goalkeeper Snhp Xtfuinxm made the first mistake. On a Lallania corner kick, Xtfuinxm was able to leap in the air and try to punch the ball away with is first. Unfortunately, the ball went off the side of his fist and the bounce was recovered by Lallania midfielder Vlad Staltar, who was able to kick the ball right in the net. The optimistic Lallania fans went into a frenzy as they felt as if they were on the brink of pulling off another upset against the streaking Melmond side. Staltar’s goal at the 21st minute gives Lallania the lead 1-nil.
However, luck certainly wasn’t in the cards for the Lallania side. On a cross attempt by Melmond midfielder Martin Goodwin, Lallania defender Reggie Cross makes a late tackle which made Martin Goodwin lose his balance after his cross shot. Goodwin falls hard into the mud, and even though he is all muddy, he is all right and gets up right away. Cross was pretty lucky only to be given a yellow card as the tackle appeared to be rather vicious. Unfortunately, that is his second yellow card of the tournament, which means that he will miss the next match. Ironically, his other yellow card was against Melmond as well. Play continues at the 30th minute.
Lallania would get more vicious as it seemed that Martin Goodwin would become Lallania’s beat up dummy. On the left side of the midfield, a dribbling Goodwin was challenged by Lallanian midfielder Fra Angelico. However, Angelico’s tackle would be more suited for American football. Angelico gets the red card and the heave ho at the 37th minute. Lallania is down a player, but they enter halftime with a 1-nil lead over the so far ineffective Melmond side.
Manager Felix Coostatlwak made some substitutions for the second half. He replaced hurting captain Martin Goodwin with midfielder Rainy Zoulthane. Also, to counter the very physical play of the Lallania side, Melmond substituted defender Sergio Ortiz for the very physical and controversial defender Paul “Edgy” Shields.
Shields impact was felt early, especially by the Lallania defence. The Lallania defence was being worn down by Shields and the Melmond defence. Unlike the first half, whatever shots they attempted were rather soft and were easily stopped by Melmond goalkeeper Snhp Xtfuinxm.
On the other end of the pitch, the Melmond offence finally woke up. Melmond’s first goal occurred when midfielder Rainy Zoulthane passes the ball to superstar midfielder Critandi Unne. Some fancy footwork as well as a pass to hirself as s/he lobs the ball over the head of Lallania defender Andrei Temeodor and then shoots a rocket of a shot which Lallania goalkeeper Bertram Ellenwitz was not able to dive to stop. Critandi Unne’s equaliser at the 60th minute makes the score 1-1.
Melmond will not be satisfied with a tie against lowly Lallania. For letting them down, and their fans in Cali down for losing against such a pathetic team, Melmond wanted to give their aficionados justice. The midfielders were on the prowl making a dazzling display of teamwork that the outgunned Lallania side tried to stop in vain. Midfielder Cristina Antunez makes a very accurate pass to her club teammate Melmond striker Mornakh the Bloody Handed. Mornakh the Bloody Handed makes the shot, however it is tipped over the bar by a leaping Bertrand Ellenwitz. Melmond gets a corner kick.
The corner kick was taken by one of the best in the world, Jonsi Torrini. Torrini kicks a beautiful corner, but the finish by Melmond striker Chris Owen was even more beautiful. Owen swerves through the Lallania defence and makes a frantic off-balance dive. He heads the ball past the goalkeeper! Melmond has scored the go ahead goal. However, Chris Owen hits the side of his head hard on one of the wickets and is bleeding and unconscious. After ten minutes go by, Chris Owen is helped off the field. A polite cheer rises from the crowd. Either way Chris Owen has scored the go-ahead goal at the 72nd minute.
There was plenty of injury time after the injury to Chris Owen. In this case injury time was aptly named as Paul “Edgy” Shields did one of his trademark vicious tackles on Lallania striker Jean-Luc Brouillard. More injury time was taken as Brouillard was limping off the field. Shields was given the red card. But Lallania could not take advantage of being evenly manned as Melmond wins the match 2-1. Melmond is now the Fearless Farmers once again as they are in fourth place! They will make their long shot attempt as Eauz visits the brand spanking-new White Bread Dome in Suburbia.
The injury report is that Chris Owen appears to be out for the rest of the qualifying matches. Lallania’s Jean-Luc Brouillard will be day-to-day.

Goals
Staltar, LAL 21st
C. Unne, MEL 60th
Owen, MEL 72nd

Cards
Cross, LAL 29th
Angelico, LAL 37th
Shields, MEL 90th

Standings

Other Group 10 Results
Oceaice 1 – Brazillico 2
Europa Brittania 2 – The Weegies 0
Eauz 2 – EL CID THE HERO 0
The Confederate 2 – Largent 2

[code:1:e076dd723d]Group 10
Pts W D L GF:GA GD
1. Brazillico 36 11 3 0 34:12 24
2. Eauz 32 10 2 2 25:8 17
3. Europa Brittania 31 9 4 1 27:9 16
4. Melmond 21 6 3 5 21:20 1
5. The Confederate 20 5 5 4 25:24 1
6. EL CID THE HERO 19 6 1 7 15:21 -6
7. The Weegies 13 4 1 9 11:18 -7
8. Oceaice 11 3 2 9 16:27 -11
9. Largent 8 2 2 10 14:27 -13
10. Lallania 7 2 1 11 11:33 -22[/code:1:e076dd723d]

Melmond Team Stats
Goals: Critandi Unne (6), Mornakh the Bloody Handed (5), Chris Owen (5), Benjamin Leeb (4), Diallo Unne (1), Rainy Zoulthane (1)
Cards: Scott Cheney (2), Paul “Edgy” Shields (1,1), Chris Owen (1), Kestrel Bluesummers (1), Jonsi Torrini (1), Cristina Antunez (1)

The Melmond National Team Schedule

@ EL CID THE HERO L 2-1
@ Oceaice T 1-1
v Largent (Microcosm Stadium, Aldi) W 3-0
@ The Confederate T 3-3
v Lallania (Xpress Counsel Field, Cali) L 3-2
@ Eauz L 3-0
v Europa Brittania (Feliz-Unne Stadium, Unne) L 2-0
@ Brazillico L 2-0
v The Weegies (Frankndottir Stadium, Acosta) W 1-0
v EL CID THE HERO (Woocat Books Ballpark, O’Connor) W 3-0
v Oceaice (Lifedonations Stadium, Morales) T 1-1
@ Largent W 2-1
v The Confederate (MPNK Stadium, Faasen) W 2-1
@ Lallania W 2-1
v Eauz (White Bread Dome, Suburbia)
@ Europa Brittania
v Brazillico (Melmond Bowl, Melmond City)
@ The Weegies

Next Game
vs. Eauz (White Bread Dome, Suburbia)

What a way for the Fearless Farmers to open up the brand new White Bread Dome in Suburbia. Melmond, who is on a six-game unbeaten streak takes on defending world champions Eauz. Eauz is playing rather solid football lately. In the last match in Zuka, Eauz dominated against the then struggling Fearless Farmers side 3-nil. But now Melmond has tremendous momentum and a frenzied sold-out crowd on their side. Manager Felix Coostatlwak will replace the injured Chris Owen with Benjamin Leeb.

GK- Snhp Xtfuinxm
D- Jonsi Torrini
D- Sergio Ortiz
D- Scott Cheney
D- Nina Steen
M- Martin Goodwin
M- Critandi Unne
M- Camui Arai
M- Cristina Antunez
F- Mornakh the Bloody Handed
F- Benjamin Leeb

White Bread Dome
Location: Suburbia, Melmond
Seats: 42,122 (Domed)

The city of Suburbia is the ninth biggest city in Melmond and is one of the home of one of the Melmond Premier League’s expansion sites. The White Bread Dome was built with football in mind, but it is also very useful for the many concerts and conventions that come by Suburbia. It is an architectural marvel as the White Bread Dome has natural grass. What happens is that part of the stands retract as the grass field is wheeled into the stadium. The grass grows just outside of the stadium and can be used for local kids to play on! The city of Suburbia itself was made as many of the northern suburbs of Melmond City conglomerated into one. The place is mainly made up of strip malls, car dealerships, and suburban homes. However, the construction of the White Bread Dome is the city’s effort to have a cosmopolitan heart of town. Tickets are sold out and all fans will receive a complimentary baguette courtesy of the White Bread Baking Company.

How could The Evil Umpire tie a team as pathetic as Holy lndia! This sucks!

EFSB Today

Columbia Airport Swamped
Sales of tickets to Oglethorpia/Kingsford, from Liverpool England through the roof

COLUMBIA, Fed. Dist. -- Columbia International Airport has been temporarily shut down due to record traffic. Analysts believe there are two main factors contributing to this.

One of these factors is a recent economic collapse in Liverpool England. Apparently, the Liverpudlian English treasury department was offering a special 71% discount on American-dollar-to-British-pound currency conversions. It is not known why this was the case, but it resulted in an overnight economic crash as Liverpool England basically lost all its money. As it now stands, investors are fleeing the nation for just about anywhere, including Bedistan. An unprecedented 428,816 Liverpudlian Englishmen have passed through Columbia International Airport's gates in the last 24 hours. President Sandra Fleischer is reportedly offering economic aid to the unfortunate Liverpool England.

The other reason why Columbia's airport is so busy can be directly linked to a football match. Last night, Bedistan hosted Tadjikistan at James Parker National Stadium in Midway, successfully defeating the visitors 2-0. The combination of a Bedistani win and a Tadjik loss confirmed the Lions' spot in World Cup XIV, to be held in Oglethorpia and Kingsford. Over thirty thousand tickets have been purchased on flights to both nations over the last 24 hours.

We will bring you more information as it comes.

[EDIT: Corrected a factual error and some dodgy grammar.]

Le LIBRE

The victories return.

In the 14th qualifying match, Les Bleus arrived home to a packed stadium to face off against El Cid, who the last time they met, were defeated by Les Bleus 2 – 0. The fans were coming out in full force to support Les Bleus down the stretch, to the finish. The captain of Les Bleus, Joseuf though said before the match: “Where have these people been in the early qualifying round, when we needed them? Oh well, at least they are here now, and just not showing up.”

As the teams entered, one could hear the cheering and booing, which was so loud, that it could be heard 5 km’s away. El Cid got possession of the ball first and took on an early aggressive action. Unfortunately for El Cid the Eauz defence is becoming stronger, and stopped the attack in its tracts. Yeuseuv got control of the ball, and kicked the ball deep into the El Cid zone, where Les Bleus started an attack. During the 17th minute of play, a shot from Les Bleus was taken, only to be deflected off of a defender. The ball would have gone into the net if it had not been deflected. Les Bleus though kept the ball in the El Cid zone, keeping the pressure on. Rousseu had control of the ball, and was tripped up, no call being declared. This bothered Les Bleus, and during the 30th minute of play, Soiy scored a close up goal putting Les Bleus ups 1 – 0. This goal improved the moral of Les Bleus, and helped them forget the miss call. Going into the break, Les Bleus were on a moral high, and would use that going into the second half.

As the second half, not even 30 seconds into the match, mid-fielder Méseu scored the second goal for Les Bleus. The El Cid defence was caught off guard, letting the mid-fielder enter in and shoot it high into the net. With the 2 – 0 lead, Les Bleus played a conservative match, knowing that as long as their defence held up, things would be fine. The two goal lead took the heart out of the El Cid team, as the match would end 2 – 0.

With the victory, Les Bleus stay in 2nd place, but gained no ground against the other top teams, as they also won. The victory also brought El Cid close to elimination. They have a slim chance of coming third, but if Europa Britannia wins again, they will be eliminated. Les Bleus must win one more match, to qualify officially and eliminate the final three teams still alive, outside of the top three.

One of those teams is Melmond, who Les Bleus will travel to, to play match day 15. According to Melmond news, the match will be sold out to watch Les Bleus and also see if the home team can stay alive. It will be hard though, because Les Bleus have only given up goals to three out of the 9 teams in this group, those being Oceaice, Europa Britannia & Brazillico. Les Bleus though should not take this match easily, for the Melmond’s are a different team this time around. In the last 6 matches, Melmond has won 5, tied 1 and lost none. A victory by Les Bleus will ensure that Melmond will not qualify for world cup 14, and will have to wait four more years.


[code:1:d710a4b787]
Pos Team P W D L F A GD Pts PP
1 Brazillico 14 11 3 0 34 12 22 36 48
2 Eauz 14 10 2 2 25 8 17 32 44
3 Europa Britannia 14 9 4 1 27 9 18 31 43
4 Melmond 14 6 3 5 21 20 1 21 33
5 The Confederate 14 5 5 4 25 24 1 20 32
6 EL CID THE HERO 14 6 1 7 15 21 -6 19 31
7 The Weegies 14 4 1 9 11 18 -7 13 25 ELIM
8 Oceaice 14 3 2 9 16 27 -11 11 23 ELIM
9 Largent 14 2 2 10 14 27 -13 8 20 ELIM
10 Lallania 14 2 1 11 11 33 -22 7 19 ELIM
[/code:1:d710a4b787]


Match Day 1: Oceaice @ Eauz W 4 - 2
Match Day 2: Europa Britannia vs Eauz L 1 - 0
Match Day 3: Eauz @ BrazillicoL 1 - 2
Match Day 4: The Weegies @ Eauz W 0 - 1
Match Day 5: Eauz @ EL CID THE HERO W 2 - 0
Match Day 6: Melmond @ Eauz W 0 - 3
Match Day 7: Eauz @ Largent W 2 - 0
Match Day 8: The Confederate @ Eauz W 0 - 2
Match Day 9 : Eauz @ Lallania W 1 - 0

Match Day 10: Eauz @ Oceaice W 2 - 0
Match Day 11: Eauz @ Europa Britannia T 2 - 2
Match Day 12: Brazillico @ Eauz T 1 - 1
Match Day 13: Eauz @ The Weegies W 1 - 0
Match Day 14: EL CID THE HERO @ Eauz W 0 - 2
Match Day 15: Eauz @ Melmond
Match Day 16: Largent @ Eauz
Match Day 17: Eauz @ The Confederate
Match Day 18: Lallania @ Eauz

OOC: Apologies for that blunder, will be fixed as soon as I get my next RP up. I'd appreciate it if the bankruptcy RPs stopped there, though.

OOC: Apologies for that blunder, will be fixed as soon as I get my next RP up. I'd appreciate it if the bankruptcy RPs stopped there, though.

<OOC>I can't speak for anyone else, but I think you should have to RP your way out of it. Simply writing it off with a 'correction' should be read as a non-credible denial by your government.</OOC>

The Lemmington Mail and Standard

Sports

Picciotto offered tentative contract

The Lemmings national football side today reportedly offered Guy Picciotto a contract to coach the team's goaltenders during the World Cup Fourteen finals. Picciotto, former manager of Oglethorpia's national side, recently came to the country from Liverpool England. A longtime friend of Lemming reserve goalie Joe Lally, Picciotto is seen as a 'good fit' for the Lemmings. Said manager Hoagy Lemmichael, "Guy's a good guy to work with. Very down-to-earth. Not at all commercial, like some aging punks."

Picciotto attended a Lemming practice today, where he advised the keepers of his philosophy: "KYEO." After the session, he expressed some frustration with fiurst team star Lemette Blue, who is known for giving less than 100% in practice. "I'm sick with this, I'm sick with it," said Picciotto. "Situations avoided, or just missed..." Blue did respond well to his challenges, however, noting that she considers him not an 'aging punk,' but 'hardcore.'

Despite an apparent fluidity with the team, Picciotto remains in contractual limbo, as it is not entirely clear that he was ever fully released from obligation by the bureaucratic government of Oglethorpia. He has indicated a willingness to sign immediately should the okay come through from his native country.

OOC: Look, I never intended to make that blunder, and without even ASKING ME everyone starts to RP about MY government. Do you think I like it!? EDIT: It isnt correct RP procedure to do anything without permission from the other party, either.

OOC: IC stand on things: All the above NEVER happened. Anyone has a frickin problem with that voice it.

I also dont believe I am not owed apologies.

DAMN FORUMS!

OOC: LE's taken enough, IMHO, for one small mistake that's easily done (confusing exchange rates).

Besides, in an IRL situation, a mistake like that would be corrected almost instantly by speculative flows. Obviously, a number of speculators would make huge sums of money from it before the loophole was closed - but not many.

LE, I would only see this as a joke. Not all things RPed here change the country really. Take the war on errorism as example, there are *still* Alan Belmores even though someone RPed deporting them to Gilmeecia.

OOC: One small mistake? He keeps doing it. As far as I'm concerned it happened, TnUI now has millions of poor LEers and millions of rich TnUIans. The collapse not happening is ignored.

Nothing to write about

Indeed, i have nothing to write about, Tadjikistan is almost certain that it will be eliminated. Tadjikistan has to win twice and tie once to get over Dennisov. If Dennisov wins even one match, they will be to far away for me to catch, getting even isnt enough either.

The match against Kerla ended with 1-2 for the visitors, again not much to write about. The only Tadjik goal was made by Cherniakhovskij, he is now topscorer of the Tadjik team with 12 goals. He can add more goals to his total tomorrow when Tadjikistan goes to Dennisov, third in the group and 6 points away from us, as said we have to win. If we dont win, were out.

M1: Tadjikistan - Intelligent Madness W 2-1
M2: Aerigia - Tadjikistan W 1-3
M3: Tadjikistan - Keyshona W 3-1
M4: Bobbystan - Tadjikistan L 2-1
M5: Tadjikistan - Bedistan L 1-2
M6: Kerla - Tadjikistan L1-0
M7: Tadjikistan - Dennisov L 1-4
M8: Belmorian Scandinavia - Tadjikistan W 1-2
M9: Tadjikistan - Vollmeria T 1-1
M10: Intelligent Madness - Tadjikistan L 3-1
M11: Tadjikistan - Aerigia W 4-2
M12: Keyshona - Tadjikistan W 0-3
M13: Tadjikistan - Bobbystan W 3-1
M14: Bedistan - Tadjikistan L 2-0
M15: Tadjikistan - Kerla L 1-2
M16: Dennisov - Tadjikistan
M17: Tadjikistan - Belmorian Scandinavia
M18: Vollmeria - Tadjikistan

OOC: Sure sure, maybe I took liberties, but we all do in the World Cup, AS and Kingsford have taken large liberties with me. You have two options. 1. Ignore Beddy, Lemmy and I. Which I'm guessing will effect any future matches you play against us. 2. RP your way to economical recovery, it'll give you something good to RP about. The LEers in TnUI are going to become 3rd class citizens, in the future you could aid them to an armed uprising, to "OOC" get your own back. It's all up to you, if you have a perfect utopia where nothing bad ever happens to your country just ignore it.

fuck you.

(to the tune of 'the longest time')
If it is we won 2:0 tonight
Lasane rejis* is qualified
Yes, our nation
won't face elimination
we're in the cup and we are Orange-Blue

There's no chance we finish place mje'het**
Way to Kingsford/Ogle, we can't wait
Yeah, our nation
has reached qualification!
We're qualified, cause we are Orange-Blues

(or in rejistanian (to a different tune): )
xen'la'aru lasane sejil,
xen'la'xkora, 'la'viki venil
lasane'xen 'ki'jisu iln mesu'ma
nilha tani 'veka alna!

xen'aru***
xamjona tekne, Rejis!

vana'xen 'aru lasane'het
vana'xen, simu'xen tesha'jet
minokaje, Isesi, trs ji 'veda,
nilha tani'veka alna.

xen'aru***
xamjona tekne, Rejis!

(Vilita 0
Rejistania 2 (Tia~e 17th, Hilat 68th))

*the rejistanian team
**fourth place
***this is no error, in northern Rejistania, it is no gramatical mistake to omit the 'ki.

OOC: Beddy and Lemmy I'm willing to forgive if they apologise. Total n Utter Insanity - IGNORED

I do expect apologies, and in my view no crash ever happened, and Picciotto is still my manager. If you want him, Lemmy, work it out with ME.

I do NOT approve of manager poaching; I did have Ogle's permission to sign Picciotto, I do NOT approve of people RPing other peoples' governments based on a slip by myself [any further RPs based on this WILL result in n ignore, like TnUI has received], and I do seriously hope that Beddy and Lemmy will apologise so I can forgive them. TnUI: Should you change your mind, please telegram me.

OOC: I am willing to apologize. Honestly, I never meant our posts to be taken seriously in the first place. ;)

What’s happening, Nick.

Well Roger, major developments. First power and running water had been restored to well over 90% of homes and businesses. The police and the army managed to bring the rioting under control in the early hours of the morning. Refugees were ready to return home and financial and food aid was on route. Unfortunately the worse thing possible happened, we aren’t sure if it was a nuclear reactor overload or an asteroid, but the entire nation was wiped off the face of the Earth. Refugees now have no country to return to, and many Heartland nations are feeling the burden. The Insanician Government announced it would take in all Liverpool Englanders it could, as they feel partly responsible for the disaster.

Reports that it was the Insanicians that bankrupted LE’s national bank have also been strongly denied. It’s reported that LEers withdrawing their money actually caused the whole fiasco and the bank only lost a couple of hundred billion. Before the exchange rate was fixed. Nick Diamond, The Smoking Crater of Liverpool England.

fuck you.

For someone who once called the mods in on the nation of "Fukland" because you considered the name 'offensive,' you're certainly quick to descend from reasoned debate to insult-hurling.

LE, you have repeatedly RPed using others' characters without their permission. When I moved Bi Kikere out of Gilmeecia, you attempted to snatch her despite the fact that there was already an agreement in place between TB and myself regarding her destination.

You once used Gil in an RP, utterly ignoring my Grant Rockson storyline. I chided you at that time and asked you to request my permission before using my characters; you never responded.

You have used others' characters without their permission as well. If you had an agreement in place with Ogle regarding Guy Picciotto, I will gladly return him. If not, I have done nothing different in snatching him than you did by taking him in the first place.

Unless you can establish that you legitimately acquired Picciotto, he remains in Lemmitania, or Oglethorpia, as my RP clearly left Ogle an out to reclaim him if so desired.

As far as apologizing, I see no reason to offer one. It's too bad that you don't like the taste of your own medicine.

i dont go online for TWO DAYS... TWO FRICKEN DAYS...

AS and Kingsford have taken large liberties with me

tsh, just because our media says that Insanicians are a bunch of mass-murdering xenophobic homosexuals doesnt mean you are :p

tbh i reckon LE should lighten up and stop being so over-protective, theres my two quids.

ic:

'slaves choke on spam
East Spaam hold Audioslavia 1-1

Elmo's twentieth minute goal and Willow's thirty-fourth minute equaliser gave both sides a share of the spoils in this not-so-brilliant match. After Audioslavia's LSD-fest against Total 'n Utter Insanity, the 'slaves were bound to be too tired to make the match in any way interesting.

FINAL SCORE
East Spaam 1 (Olsen 20)
Audioslavia 1 (Willow 32)

Grand Masters Flash
But thier flame dies down early

Grand Master Mark came close to giving Audioslavia's qualification chances an almighty blow as they travelled to Soundgardia for an important six-pointer game.

Audioslavia started strongly, but a counter-attack and a well taken goal by the GMM number seven knocked the 'slaves for six. GMM got their tails up, and for the next half-hour, played some beautiful football but couldnt quite get another goal. GMM Number 8 hit the bar with a spectacular volley, before being brought down in the box by a nervous Ben Pearce. Pearce was yellow-carded, but the GMM striker missed the penalty, putting it way wide of the right hand post.

Coming out after half-time, Audioslavia had seemed to switch from 3-5-2 to an attacking 3-4-3 formation, with Jordan out and Xavier playing behind the two strikers. Nevertheless, the 'slaves defence still found it hard to break through a skillful GMM midfield and a tough defence. Not that they stopped trying of course, and with fifteen minutes to go as the Marks tired, Xavier flicked a beautiful ball over for Jackie Croft to head past the out-stretched keeper.

Only six minutes passed before Audioslavia got the winner. Willow headed a cross down to the feet of O`Malley, who swivelled and scooped the ball into the corner.

FINAL SCORE
Audioslavia 2 (Croft 77, O`Malley 83)
Grand Master Mark 1 (<Number 7> 15)

New Montreal States Lose
Audioslavia states: "Win!"

A firey performance by the 'slaves put them eleven points ahead of the chasing pack. With only nine points left to play for, the 'slaves have officially qualified for World Cup 14!

Goals from Willow and Croft sealed the game early in the first half.

FINAL SCORE
New Montreal States 0
Audioslavia 2 (Willow 18, Croft 24)

[code:1:b84986793b]
Table - Group 1
The Eagle's Nest 15 13 2 0 38-10 41
Audioslavia 15 10 3 2 24-14 33
Total n Utter Insanity 15 9 3 3 25-10 30
New Montreal States 15 6 4 5 30-24 22
Grand Master Mark 15 6 4 5 25-20 22
East Spaam 15 3 7 5 23-23 16
Presgreif 15 3 4 8 16-27 13
Kendelstand 15 2 4 9 11-26 10
Larkinia 15 2 4 9 15-31 10
New Luca 15 2 3 10 16-38 9
[/code:1:b84986793b]

Audioslavia now sit second, three points ahead of TnUI who drew with East Spaam today. East Spaam have been shocking this season, and look like finishing no better than sixth, six points behind GMM and NMS, fourteen points behind third place and a whole twenty five points behind the leaders. What the hell has East Spaapened to East Spaam?

Ive been Jeremy Jaffacake, g'nite bitches*

*patent pending...

HIJACK!
Krytenia launch audacious qualifying bid.

The KFA and Krytenian Government have made an official complaint to the WCC about Liverpool England's continued participation in WCXIV.

KFA chief executive Michael Sigurdursson exclaimed:
"How can the WCC deny us a qualifying competition berth and yet let a country with what is now threatening to become a dangerous economic and political situation continue to compete? We have formally requested that LE are ejected from the competition - and also request to replace them. We even offer to replay games already played if necessary."

No representatives from the WCC or FALE were available for comment last night.

First off, out-of-character on the currency crisis RP. I'd say part of the reason why the World Cup is fun is that things are allowed that would not be in political RP -- sentient vegetables, calling the damages for others on occasion, etc. There's no hard-and-fast rules, but it often boils down to: Anything funny is OK. I'd say use of others' characters should be worked out by telegram normally, but if things are done in a WC timeline, it's more fun to reply in-character.

For instance, don't like manager-poaching? (And i sure don't like it, as i know Lemmy didn't with the Bi Kikere story-line, so i'd understand if LE doesn't like it much either.) Always bearing in mind that Guy Piccioto is Ogle's character... Maybe say that the Guy Piccioto in Lemmitania is a clone of the real Guy, who remains in LE. Or a robot. Or a time-travelling Oglethorpian from the 1900s impersonating the real Guy. (Of course, Lemmy could easily say that he has the real one, yours is the imposter. And others can invent their own Guys. Then we can have alternate Guys, coaching any number of nations. Whee!)

TnUI's currency crisis bit was a godmod, sure, but in WC action you're allowed to godmod your way out of it too, within reason. I thought the plan to sue my player was a promising story-line and am quite ready to go ahead with it, especially as it advances what could be a rather fun Heartland-Emerald Heights rivalry. (On that subject, Brazillico is disrupting our united front by cozying up to the evil Spaam. Traitor! Account for your actions before the Emerald Tribunal, fiend!)

But i also thought TnUI's intervention was extremely funny. So, i think it could be fun to go with it. There are all sorts of ways out, and trying them could be a lot more enjoyable than ignoring each other.

Below is my in-character effort to follow the last 2 days on the story-line starting with LE's legal action against my player. LE, ignore or not as you like, but regardless of the currency effects you can take Nazir's comments and play off them.

---

DAILY CROCODILE

"Footballers Without Borders" Liverpool-bound

Action has been suspended in the Tanah Burung First Division as several hundred professional footballers and their entourages took flight aboard the humanitarian blimp "Limping Dodo" to make their way to Liverpool England.

Organizing the relief mission was a distraught Rashid Nazir, looking shame-faced over his indiscretions at an away match in Ineptia. Nazir was said to have consumed too many Stout Lemming ales and be "not responsible for his actions." Asked about the debacle, Nazir said: "I'm very sorry for what happened. I'm as sorry as i can be, in a non-legally-liable way. But short of accepting any liability, i sure am sorry. Did i mention how sorry i am?"

The newly-formed "Footballers Without Borders" issued a statement condeming currency specualtion as "an act of insanity" and offering any and all aid to the stricken land of Liverpool England, now leaking smoke and noxious fumes over the entire region.

"Actually," Nazir said, "I think it makes the Heartland smell better."

The relief mission is carrying massive amounts of food made from textured vegetable protein ("as used in evisceratomatoes, yum!"). Also on board is Jean-Guy "Stardust" Gouin, the Mad Magician of Matebian, who promises to restore the damaged buildings with a wave of his magic wand. After the initial shock, and with foreign assistance and the ingenuity of its own citizens, Liverpool England's economy is expected to return to normal shortly.

WORLD CUP INFO!

With matchday 16 on it's way sometime later today (9 hours away, or 7:00 PM PST/GMT -8] i'll go ahead and share with you folks the schedule following the end of qualifying.

Matchday 16, 17 and 18 will be posted in the same fashion as all the other matchdays have been posted.

First round group draws will either take place on the same day as matchday 18 scores or the following day. Either way, after first round group draws are made, Kingsford and I will wait one day allowing everyone to get some pre-first round RPing done.

After that, we'll run first round md1 and wait a day. A day after first round md1 has been telegrammed, they'll be posted for all to see. The same goes for matchdays 2 and 3.

So, in a list, it goes like this:

5/15: Qualifying md16
5/16: Qualifying md17
5/17: Qualifying md18/group draws OR
5/18: First rnd group draws
5/18 OR 19: Day off to allow for RP
5/20: First round md1 scores TGed
5/21: First round md1 scores posted in scores thread
5/22: First round md2 scores TGed
5/23: First round md2 scores posted in scores thread
5/24: First round md3 scores TGed
5/25: First round md3 scores posted in scores thread

That puts the World Cup on track for at least a week into the future. Meaning I won't reveal the schedule for things post-first round.

Keep in mind group draws may be done the same day qualifying ends, or the next day -- which will possibly make for a variance in one day of the schedule.

As always, the Gesamtkuntswerk Informer is not as up-to-date in the Cup as the fans would like, but there's no reason why we should still fail to celebrate the Sturms' qualification for the XIV World Cup! That's right, sports fans, the Sturms have done it again, pushing past its competitors and keeping a strong, offensive presence on the field. There has been no doubt in the minds of Sturms' fans that they would qualify, especailly after their strong showing in the last Cup. Though the Sturms do not post the same no-goal record, they still boast an undefeated record, managing to qualify three games before the cycle ends with friendly competitor ORD. Special thanks to the ever-present Padraig O Maillé, who, while being one of the oldest football players in the Association, is still an effective force on the attack. The reports shall come in with more regularity (OOC: I promise ;)), but, for now, be satisfied, Sturms fans, that your team has made it to the fourteenth World Cup!

Nest Ties Grand master mark

Lead over 2nd Place Audioslavia Down To 9

In what may be deemed as qualifcation letdown, the Strike Birds allowed a late goal by GmM to tie the game. Audioslavia clinched the second spot in group with TnUI only needing one win to close out the group qualification. The Nest will play 2 of the 3 remaining games at home to close out the run.

*Editor's note* This article is short today due to the strike of type setters...we have to set our own type for teh paper and yeah, we're lazy.

luckily all this below was already set.

[code:1:7c600bf133]
Pos Team P W D L F A GD Pts PP
Q The Eagles Nest 15 13 2 0 38 10 28 41 50
Q Audioslavia 15 10 3 2 24 14 10 33 42
3 Total n Utter Insanity 15 9 3 3 25 10 15 30 39
4 New Montreal States 15 6 4 5 30 24 6 22 31
5 Grand master Mark 15 6 4 5 25 20 5 22 31
E East Spaam 15 3 7 5 23 23 0 16 25
E Presgreif 15 3 4 8 16 27 -11 13 22
E Kendelstand 15 2 4 9 11 26 -15 10 19
E Larkinia 15 2 4 9 15 31 -16 10 19
E New Luca 15 2 3 10 16 38 -22 9 18
[/code:1:7c600bf133]

The Eagle's Nest Quaification Run


The Eagle's Nest vs. Kendelstand Win 4-0
The Eagle's Nest @ Audioslavia Tie 1-1
The Eagle's Nest vs. New Luca Win 5-3
The Eagle's Nest vs. Total n Utter Insanity Win 1-0
The Eagle's Nest @ East Spaam Win 4-2
The Eagle's Nest vs. Grand master Mark Win 2-1
The Eagle's Nest @ New Montreal States Win 1-0
The Eagle's Nest vs. Presgreif Win 1-0
The Eagle's Nest @ Larkikia Win 5-0
-----------------------------------------------------------
The Eagle's Nest @ Kendelstand Win 2-1
The Eagle's Nest vs. AudioslaviaWin 2-0
The Eagle's Nest @ New Luca Win 5-1
The Eagle's Nest @ Total n Utter Insanity Win 1-0
The Eagle's Nest vs. East Spaam Win 3-0
The Eagle's Nest @ Grand master Mark Tie 1-1
The Eagle's Nest vs. New Montreal States
The Eagle's Nest @ Presgreif
The Eagle's Nest vs. Larkikia

Le LIBRE

Fans of Les Bleus, UNITE!

A Team is Haunting WC14 -- the team from Eauz. All the powers of old World Cups have entered into a powerful alliance to eliminate this team: Oglethorpian Pope and Kingsforder Tsar, Commerce Heights Metternich and Europa Brittanian Guizot, Liverpoolian Radicals and Brazillican Police-Spies.

Where is the team in opposition that has not been decried as a friend of Eauz by its opponent in competition? Where is the opposition that has not hurled back the branding reproach of Eauz, against the more advanced opposition teams, as well as against its reactionary adversaries?

Two things result from this fact:

I. Eauz is already acknowledged by all powerful World Cup teams to be itself a power.

II. It is High time that Eauz should openly, in the face of the whole world, publish their views, their aims, their tendencies, and meet this nursery tale of the spectre of Eauz with a manifesto to the fans and friends of Eauz

To this end, fans and friends of Eauz have assembled in many languages of the countries of the world cup.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

The 15th match day saw Les Bleus visiting the immoral capitaliZt country of Melmond. The last time Les Bleus met this team, the Communist team laid down the smack against the horrible capitaliZts. Les Bleus were hoping to do the same, and destroy the moral of both the CapitaliZt country of Melmond and their immoral fans. In the first half of play, Les Bleus controlled the ball for most of the time, as the Melmond team was limited to only 5 possessions of the ball and 3 shots on goal. In the stadium, one could hear the immoral capitaliZt fans making fun of communism and socialism and throwing things at Les Bleus. Les Bleus did not frustrate, rather used this as a moral booster to prove how great their team is. During the 34th minute of play, Les Bleus got a free kick, as Rousseu let it go, only to be deflected high over the net by the Melmond keeper. The ball was put back into play on a corner kick, which found the captain Joseuf, who put it away, into the back to the back of the net. Les Bleus were up 1 – 0, going into the break.

With the 1 – 0 lead, one would assume, Les Bleus would go on to another victory against the immoral CapitaliZt Melmond team. Unfortunately for Les Bleus, things would unravel in the second half. The strong defence of Les Bleus found in the first half, no longer existed. Melmond used the excitement of the fans for a moral booster. Melmond put on the pressure against the Eauz defence early in the second half. The Melmond attack and the lack of defence for Les Bleus was too much for Yeuseuv, who has played well in the past two world cups, as during the 66th minute of play, he gave up an easy goal sailing over his head into the net. The crowd went crazy, screaming out hate messages against Les Bleus. The moral of Les Bleus had fallen. Les Bleus would stave off the rest of the attacks by Melmond, and put on a few more attacks, but it was all for nothing, as the match finished in a 1 – 1 tie.

Coaches Comments: For some reason, our team just gave up after we got the first goal. I guess the team was thinking of the last match, where they had won 3 – 0, and though, this will be too easy. I can’t believe they gave up that easily, especially our defence. Things need to improve if we are to be serious about a repeat in the world cup.

Though Les Bleus only got 1 point, good news came from all of this, as they qualified for the 14th world cup. Brazillico the leader lost its first match of the world cup, meaning Les Bleus are only 3 points away from first place. As for Europa Brittania, they also tied their match 1 – 1, leaving them 1 point away from Eauz and 4 away from first. These final 3 match days will be interesting, as they will decide who will be placed where in the world cup groups. A first place victory for Les Bleus could mean they would be placed in “The Group of Death”. The three teams expected to win, no longer have anything to worry about, for they have all qualified for the next cup.

With a few days to rest, Les Bleus will arrive home to face off against Largent who has not played well in the cup, but with the collapse of the Eauz defence in the last match, Les Bleus should not take this match easily. The last time these two teams met, Les Bleus won 2 – 0 on the road. Les Bleus though will use the home field advantage to hope to bring the moral back to Les Bleus and also a victory for the team. Quite possibly though, the moral has already returned, as the team knows it will once again be going to the World cup to defend the cup.


[code:1:69543d115b]
Pos Team P W D L F A GD Pts PP
1 Brazillico 15 11 3 1 35 14 21 36 45 Qualified
2 Eauz 15 10 3 2 26 9 17 33 42 Qualified
3 Europa Britannia 15 9 5 1 28 10 18 32 41 Qualified
4 Melmond 15 6 4 5 22 21 1 22 31 ELIM
5 The Confederate 15 5 5 5 26 28 -2 20 29 ELIM
6 EL CID THE HERO 15 6 2 7 16 22 -6 20 29 ELIM
7 The Weegies 15 5 1 9 13 19 -6 16 25 ELIM
8 Oceaice 15 4 2 9 20 28 -8 14 23 ELIM
9 Largent 15 3 2 10 18 27 -9 11 20 ELIM
10 Lallania 15 2 1 12 11 37 -26 7 16 ELIM
[/code:1:69543d115b]


Match Day 1: Oceaice @ Eauz W 4 - 2
Match Day 2: Europa Britannia vs Eauz L 1 - 0
Match Day 3: Eauz @ BrazillicoL 1 - 2
Match Day 4: The Weegies @ Eauz W 0 - 1
Match Day 5: Eauz @ EL CID THE HERO W 2 - 0
Match Day 6: Melmond @ Eauz W 0 - 3
Match Day 7: Eauz @ Largent W 2 - 0
Match Day 8: The Confederate @ Eauz W 0 - 2
Match Day 9 : Eauz @ Lallania W 1 - 0

Match Day 10: Eauz @ Oceaice W 2 - 0
Match Day 11: Eauz @ Europa Britannia T 2 - 2
Match Day 12: Brazillico @ Eauz T 1 - 1
Match Day 13: Eauz @ The Weegies W 1 - 0
Match Day 14: EL CID THE HERO @ Eauz W 0 - 2
Match Day 15: Eauz @ Melmond T 1 - 1
Match Day 16: Largent @ Eauz
Match Day 17: Eauz @ The Confederate
Match Day 18: Lallania @ Eauz

OOC: Lemmy: I don't care about characters - thats not what I'm talking here. I'm talking GOVERNMENTS. Are you trying to tell me how to run my nation!?
Anyway, on Guy Picciotto

[12:10:19] <@Oglethorpia> Guy Picciotto?
[12:10:43] <@LE> yeah
[12:10:57] <@Oglethorpia> He'd be willin' to do it, if the Liverpoolish English decided they wanted him.

EDIT: Bedi, its not a poblem. Thanks for apologising.
TB: Will get to THAT RP once these people believe it never happened.

fuck you.
OOC:This is out of line. This requires an immediate apology.

Everything LE has been complaining about has been RPing some humor based on LEs' error - and most of it good natured. We've RP around a LOT of peoples mistakes - mine among them. We had a VERY good time with spelling and grammar errors a while back, for instance.

But LE, this is not good natured, it is not RPing, it is not humorous. I can understand being upset, and I can see you are not happy with the RPed jokes about your mistake. You have a right to be upset, and you have a right to ignore the continued humor once you made it clear you don't appreciate it.

All - when one of us objects OOC to what ever form of ribbing we're all piling on with - cut it. Move on to something else.

The response I quoted - that's just not acceptable. It would not be acceptable from any of us (including me). I expect a brief but sincere apology - and that'll be the end of it.

While we're on it - we have young folks playing with us here. This kind of language is not appreciated coming from anyone for any reason.

This is NOT a discussion item.

You bring up certain points, SN38. First, okay I will apologise. Secondly, I expect
1- TnUI to apologise, and the crash never happened
2- Lemmy to retrn Guy Picciotto.

<OOC>Well, I'll be damned. You actually got permission for once, eh? I said I'd give him back, and I shall.</OOC>

The Lemmington Post-Dispatch

Sports

Picciotto returns to Liverpool

In a disappointing turn of events for the Lemmings national football squad, newly acquired backfield coach Guy Picciotto was required to leave the team and return to Liverpool England, due to "pre-existing contractual obligations."

"Turns out that escape clause wasn't there after all," Picciotto said, in reference to a mumbled comment made as he boarded the plane that carried him out of the Heartland three days ago. Lemmings reserve goalkeeper Joe Lally was reportedly moderately despondent at Picciotto's departure until it was announced that Ian Mackaye has been hired as the coach's replacement. When he arrived at the team's practice field this morning, Mackaye immeadiately declared that the Lemmings would once again be, "Cha-cha-cha-cha-cha-cha-champions!" Here's hoping.

OOC: Thanks, Lemmy. :)
IC reports of MD15 onwards tpo come.

Dude an OOC offense not aimed at me. I'm going up in the world! *Considers RPing in the near future*

NEWSFLASH:

Giant Zucchini's World Cup qualification has hit yet another setback. The Zucchinis fell 3-1 to Wella, who was lucky enough to face an erratic Plaat. Wella came close in the 16th minute, their cross intercepted by a flying Plaat. However, just 1 minute later, he committed one of the worst howlers ever seen in his professional career. A poor backpass by Faard fell to the feet of Plaat, who tried to trick an onrushing attacker with a turn. Instead, he tripped over the ball, and the goal was inevitable. Just before the end of the half, yet another goalkeeping error by Plaat gifted Wella with their goal. Wella provided a neat cross to the far post and the ball was cooly headed in while Plaat was flailing his arms, which were nowhere near the ball. 2-0 down at the break, the Zucchinis came out attacking in the second half, but were unable to break down the resilient Wella defence. Instead it was Wella that got the next goal, a curling shot from outside the area beat Plaat at his near post. The score looked unfavourable at 3-0 to Wella, but that score changed due to some interesting play by the Zucchinis. Plaat punted the ball down the field, and Xcavabar leapt to head the ball. He missed, and the ball skipped into the net with the keeper beaten by the "fake". That was Plaat's first international goal. The Zucchinis will try to pick up points in the next match to confirm their place in the World Cup.

Strike Birds Win 3-0 at Home

Group Set With TnUI's Tie of GmM

Glim Graerstiow scored a pair to help the Nest defeat New Montreal States 3-0 at their 8th win at home in 8 games. The main story today however is that with TnUI's tie against Grand master Mark, the qualifiers of Group 1 is set. The Eagle's Nest, Audioslavia, and Total n Utter Insanity will represent Group 1 in the World Cup. The Eagle's Nest has clinched the group win, having an 8 point lead with two to play, but who comes in second is still up in the air. Audioslavia can clinch second with a win in their last two games, or a TnUI tie or loss.

Tickets to Oglethopria All Booked

A run on tickets to Oglethorpia has gotten travel agencies bewildered and stunned.

"You know, there is another country hosting the World Cup besides Oglethorpia. You know...Kingsford. and we havn't sold a single ticket to Kingsfords. I'd laugh a lot if the Nest palyed their matches in Kingsford and not Oglethorpia.," said a local travel agent. "You at least could have waited until you knew where we were going."

Tomorrow's game is the Nest's last away game of group qualifying, and it is completely meaningless. Do not be surprised if we see some substitutions or new offensive or defensive formations in these next two games.

[code:1:e699dd1f2d]

Pos Team P W D L F A GD Pts PP
Q The Eagles Nest 16 14 2 0 41 10 31 44 50
Q Audioslavia 16 11 3 2 28 16 12 36 42
Q Total n Utter Insanity 16 9 4 3 25 10 15 31 37
--------------------------------------------------------------
4 Grand master Mark 16 6 5 5 25 20 5 23 29
5 New Montreal States 16 6 4 6 30 27 3 22 28
6 East Spaam 16 3 8 5 25 25 0 17 23
7 Presgreif 16 3 4 9 18 31 -13 13 19
8 Kendelstand 16 2 5 9 13 28 -15 11 17
9 Larkinia 16 2 5 9 17 33 -16 11 17
10New Luca 16 2 4 10 18 40 -22 10 16
[/code:1:e699dd1f2d]

The Eagle's Nest Quaification Run


The Eagle's Nest vs. Kendelstand Win 4-0
The Eagle's Nest @ Audioslavia Tie 1-1
The Eagle's Nest vs. New Luca Win 5-3
The Eagle's Nest vs. Total n Utter Insanity Win 1-0
The Eagle's Nest @ East Spaam Win 4-2
The Eagle's Nest vs. Grand master Mark Win 2-1
The Eagle's Nest @ New Montreal States Win 1-0
The Eagle's Nest vs. Presgreif Win 1-0
The Eagle's Nest @ Larkikia Win 5-0
-----------------------------------------------------------
The Eagle's Nest @ Kendelstand Win 2-1
The Eagle's Nest vs. AudioslaviaWin 2-0
The Eagle's Nest @ New Luca Win 5-1
The Eagle's Nest @ Total n Utter Insanity Win 1-0
The Eagle's Nest vs. East Spaam Win 3-0
The Eagle's Nest @ Grand master Mark Tie 1-1
The Eagle's Nest vs. New Montreal States Win 3-0
The Eagle's Nest @ Presgreif
The Eagle's Nest vs. Larkikia

From the KaMaRi Update

Nana na hey hey!
The Orange-Blues defeated Hawcoat in the match in Jesejil kali, nanti ligat. Takil'he recovered and people were hoping for a better style of match. The good news is, taht the match was faster and more offensive that the linkosian System Karela. Myk Linkosa was co-coach again, to the pleasure of the fans. Before this match, he told someone who critised his tactics: 'Now I get into trouble for wins? Where have we come to?'

While the rejistanian team (mainly consisting of substitutes) played a normal System Imdila, the Hawcoatian team seemed to have watched the last matches of the Orange-Blues and played the notorious System Karela. This match should have taken place in Karela and everyone would have thought that the yellow team is the home team and the blue-orange team either SLS-R or Mikedi Omeh. The Hawcoatians semed to enjoy to be in a land without mandatory happiness. When <hawcoatianforward> missed a 100% chance (the only one), he cursed, showed an angry face and several gestures, which would put you into jail in Hawcoat for centuries. When later, Tihrana was the only one to score against the System Karela, the Hawcoatian goalie reacted also very emotional. The rumours that both <hawcoatiangoalie> and <hawcoatianforward> were awaited by people in dark suits and dark cars at the airport in Hawcoat, can neither be confirmed nor disproven.

A great record was archieved by rejistanian goalie Nana Daki: in 480 minutes of international soccer, no goal was conceded. Congratulations on this record and keep it up!

The result:
Rejistania 1 (Tia~e 71st)
Hawcoat 0

A Moral Victory
It May Be a Tie, But A Tie Against Eauz A Testament of Improvement
By Taro Root of the Suburbia Free Press

SUBURBIA, MELMOND—Whether you are a Suburbia sports fan, a Melmondian football fan, or just a Melmondian sports fan in general, what transpired inside the brand new architectural marvel known as the White Bread Dome had to be very encouraging. In its first ever event, the White Bread Dome was packed with 42,122 screaming fans, many wearing the Melmond colors of green and white. Some brought their musical instruments to help give the Fearless Farmers a rhythm in the new building as fans brought instruments from horns, to conga drums, to even gongs! Some dressed up the part, wearing outfits that added a ghoulish touch the Fearless Farmer moniker. Some of our fans looked so scary and strange that a very dumb person would have casted a HRM3 spell at them. All the Melmondian fans wore the rally farmer hats. All, including the 10 fans from Eauz lucky enough to get tickets before they sold out in 2 minutes, had one thing in common, they were all munching on yummy baguettes courtesy of the White Bread Baking Company.
The Fearless Farmers and their faithful thought highly of the Eauz side, as it seemed that both the team and its people were rather nice and conscientious. Well everyone in the stadium was about to be in for a rude awakening. When it was time for the Eauz National Anthem to be sung, instead of a singer, they brought in an orator. This orator spoke in Melmondian English and basically preached about the evils of capitalizm and the virtues of communism in kind of a self-congratulatory and holier-than-thou matter. The high-pitched whistles from the Melmondian crowd voiced their high disapproval. Free speech is one thing. However, blatantly jingoistic rants before a football match are another. The high frequency of the whistles of disapproval eventually made the Eauzi orator’s ears bleed and he finally stopped.
What was expected to be a classy if not classic battle between an established power and an up-and-coming power turned rather ugly as the fans started to mock their deluded socialist beliefs. The more militant fans even threw pieces of baguette at the Eauz players in disgust. The disgust wasn’t as much the message than the tone of it all. During the game, the most popular chant was the Melmond motto, “Relativity is the Only Absolute,” the famous claim of the United Postmodernist States of Melmond.
The Melmond offence was sputtering as Eauz played a superb defensive game as well as a plodding, ball-control style which kept the ball from the feet of the Fearless Farmers. The Fearless Farmers attack was only able to get three shots on goal, and most were soft shots as Melmond was merely trying to aim at the net to get around the tight marking of Eauz and forgetting the need for power. Eauz goalie Yeuseuv made easy saves of them all.
The Melmond defence wasn’t nearly as proficient as the Eauzi counterpart. Fortunately, the young phenom, Melmond goalkeeper Snhp Xtfuinxm saved the Fearless Farmers from being blown away in the first half by a motivated Eauz side. Xtfuinxm was able to break up any corner, cross, or pass play the Eauz attack made. His improving football instincts and unequaled physical ability were finally being displayed at the level many football pundits thought his prime would be like.
However, at the 34th minute, the Melmond defence made a tackling mistake as defender Sergio Ortiz made a bit of a high tackle on Eauz player Rousseu. Ortiz was called for a foul and was very lucky he didn’t get a yellow card. As Rousseu was lining up his free kick and the Melmond wall was being formed, the fan’s muse inspired them to chant, “I don’t want to dream your dreams NOR SCREAM YOUR SCREAMS!;” a nod to how socialism takes away the individual right to have their own dream of a happy life. Instead of a scream however, the Melmond crowd was treated to a gasp as the Rousseu free kick almost made it past Xtfuinxm. He barely got his fingertips on the ball to knock it over the net. Eauz gets the corner kick, and it was a beauty as their captain Joseuf was able to use fancy footwork to evade the high-leaping Xtfuinxm. Joseuf scores as the Melmond fans let out a slight scream of pain as Eauz takes the lead 1-nil and will take that lead into halftime.
As the teams took the field for the second half, one can sense a certain smugness eminating from the Eauz side. It’s always rather ironic when the noble egalitarian, the socialist, starts thinking that they are better than everybody. This charged up the Fearless Farmer Faithful even more. Manager Felix Coostatlwak made a couple of substitutions for the second half, replacing the struggling midfielder Cristina Antunez with Rainy Zoulthane and striker Benjamin Leeb with clutch goal scorer Diallo Unne.
The changes in the lineup proved to be very effective as the Fearless Farmers dominated possession and had quite possibly the best attack I have ever seen the Melmond side have. As the attacks kept coming and coming, one can see the mental struggle in the eyes of Les Bleus. The fan made a clever quip which would end up being a chant, “If socialist ran sports, EVERY MATCH WOULD BE A TIE!” The quip proved to be prophetic. The Eauz goalkeeper Yeuseuv, tired from making a multitude of diving saves, made a fatigued-ridden throw which was easily intercepted by Melmond midfielder Camui Arai. The speedy Arai saw that he had Yeuseuv completely distracted. So he let a sudden shot that Yeuseuv wasn’t ready for. It wasn’t the most beautiful shot, but Yeuseuv did not have the energy to leap. The ball sailed over his head. The crowd went mad, as Arai, a native of Suburbia, scores the first ever Melmond goal at the White Bread Dome. Arai was in ecstacy in front of his cheering hometown as he scores the equaliser at the 66th minute.
As the game wound down an embarrassing moment for Eauz happened. Eauz got a corner kick. As the corner kick was in the air, a Melmond fan threw a piece of his baguette at high speed. The baguette piece hit the head of the Eauz captain Joseuf and went into the net. Joseuf, thinking he scored the game winning goal, ran around in circles shouting, “Oui! Oui! Nous gagnons!” The Fearless Farmer Faithful got a uproarious laugh and the fan who threw the baguette got a standing ovation as he was escorted from the building. The corner kick was redone and was easily punched away by Xtfuinxm. The game ended in a tie 1-1. However, the moral victory was truly Melmond’s as Melmondian wit and determination triumphed over the despotic socialists. The Farmers had their heads held high and Les Blues could only hang theirs.

Goals
Joseuf, EAU 34th
Arai, MEL 66th

Cards
None

Standings

Other Group 10 Results
The Confederate 1 – Oceaice 4
Largent 4 – Lallania 0
EL CID THE HERO 1 – Europa Brittania 1
The Weegies 2 – Brazillico 1

[code:1:fa3a279088]Group 10
Pts W D L GF:GA GD
1. Brazillico 36 11 3 1 35:14 21
2. Eauz 33 10 3 2 26:9 17
3. Europa Brittania 32 9 5 1 28:10 18
4. Melmond 22 6 4 5 22:21 1
5. The Confederate 20 5 5 5 26:28 -2
6. EL CID THE HERO 20 6 2 7 16:22 -6
7. The Weegies 16 5 1 9 13:19 -6
8. Oceaice 14 4 2 9 20:28 -8
9. Largent 11 3 2 10 18:27 -9
10. Lallania 7 2 1 12 11:37 -26[/code:1:fa3a279088]

Melmond Team Stats
Goals: Critandi Unne (6), Mornakh the Bloody Handed (5), Chris Owen (5), Benjamin Leeb (4), Diallo Unne (1), Rainy Zoulthane (1), Camui Arai (1)
Cards: Scott Cheney (2), Paul “Edgy” Shields (1,1), Chris Owen (1), Kestrel Bluesummers (1), Jonsi Torrini (1), Cristina Antunez (1)

The Melmond National Team Schedule

@ EL CID THE HERO L 2-1
@ Oceaice T 1-1
v Largent (Microcosm Stadium, Aldi) W 3-0
@ The Confederate T 3-3
v Lallania (Xpress Counsel Field, Cali) L 3-2
@ Eauz L 3-0
v Europa Brittania (Feliz-Unne Stadium, Unne) L 2-0
@ Brazillico L 2-0
v The Weegies (Frankndottir Stadium, Acosta) W 1-0
v EL CID THE HERO (Woocat Books Ballpark, O’Connor) W 3-0
v Oceaice (Lifedonations Stadium, Morales) T 1-1
@ Largent W 2-1
v The Confederate (MPNK Stadium, Faasen) W 2-1
@ Lallania W 2-1
v Eauz (White Bread Dome, Suburbia) T 1-1
@ Europa Brittania
v Brazillico (Melmond Bowl, Melmond City)
@ The Weegies

Next Game
at Europa Brittania

Melmond is now officially out of the World Cup Qualifying hunt thanks to these guys. Considering that Melmond was in last place after matchday 8, the fact that they were still alive at this point is an accomplishment in itself. The final three games of this qualifying session should be a workout to defend the Cup of Harmony and also prove to the world that Melmond will soon be a football power. This will be the toughest match out of the three as Europa Brittania still continues to play solid football and will have home team advantage. Manager Felix Coostatlwak will keep his lineup the same as the last match.

GK- Snhp Xtfuinxm
D- Jonsi Torrini
D- Sergio Ortiz
D- Scott Cheney
D- Nina Steen
M- Martin Goodwin
M- Critandi Unne
M- Camui Arai
M- Cristina Antunez
F- Mornakh the Bloody Handed
F- Benjamin Leeb

For tickets to Europa Brittania and the match, call the Therewegoes Travel Agency at 3-18-357-9009. The country is mainly gray and rainy, but there are many things to do and the people are pretty cool.

How can we lose to Tepid Guano! Commence the throwing of rocks and garbage at losers.

Le LIBRE

The call to Unite helps

After a call from author Karle LeMarque of the Manifesto of the Eauz team, Les Bleus fans and team’s moral was expected to rise. Unfortunately, Les Bleus finished the last match against Melmond 1 – 1.

Karle’s ideas though were not ignored, as many more people have joined in the cause for Les Bleus. The immoral capitaliZt countries also fighting for the cup, have truly joined together to prevent Les Bleus from gaining their second cup. One expert said: “You can’t blame the capitalist countries for wanting to defeat Eauz; they don’t like seeing communist countries succeed either.

Les Bleus returned home to play against Largent, who has not played well for its first time in a qualifying round. The Largent team had no real reason to play for, except to be a spoiler. Les Bleus started off the first half just as they did in the end of the Melmond match. Their team showed no real heart to play the game. Fans of Les Bleus took a page from the Melmond match, and started throwing baguettes at the players of Les Bleus. This was never seen before at home in Zuka among the fans of the home team. Soon, many birds started landing on the field and eating the bread. The stadium was full of birds everywhere and the match was temporally delayed due to a mass of birds.

Finally, most of the bread was picked up and the birds scared away. The officials decided to cancel the final 10 minutes of play in the first half, and go onto the second half. This time, they stopped selling baguettes in the stadium.

The second half, perhaps by the scare of birds or whatever, Les Bleus showed more strength and improved. Les Bleus put on a surprise attack against Largent. Joseuf found himself alone going against the goalkeeper, as the Largent defence struggled to get back. Joseuf tricked out the keeper, pretending to kick to the left, and putting the ball in the right side of the net. The keeper was embarrassed. This goal came during the 68th minute of play, putting Les Bleus up 1 – 0. Fans of Les Bleus were finally happy, and believed that the call to unite from Karle LeMarque was reasonable and that it could help Les Bleus. The whole team, including the defence of Les Bleus improved, and the match finished at a 1 – 0 victory for Les Bleus.

Coaches Comments: Well, I felt as if things fell apart in this match. Fans went crazy, and there was a delay and all. I’m glad though that I caught a few pieces of baguette, because I was damn hungry. Anyways, we played well… now get lost, I’m still hungry!

Les Bleus, coming off of a victory, and a loss by Brazillico, meant that they are currently tied for first with Brazillico. Though, if the qualifying round ended today, Brazillico would take first place, due to goal differences. With two matches left, Les Bleus will hope to use their easy schedule to bring about final victories for their team. Les Bleus though will have to take the matches seriously, for these teams are no eliminated, and would rather play as spoilers.

[code:1:b7a5de6d5b]
Pos Team P W D L F A GD Pts PP
1 Brazillico 16 11 3 2 36 16 20 36 42
2 Eauz 16 11 3 2 27 9 18 36 42
3 Europa Britannia 16 9 6 1 29 11 18 33 39
4 Melmond 16 6 5 5 23 22 1 23 29 ELIM
5 The Confederate 16 6 5 5 28 28 0 23 29 ELIM
6 EL CID THE HERO 16 7 2 7 18 23 -5 23 29 ELIM
7 The Weegies 16 6 1 9 17 19 -2 19 25 ELIM
8 Oceaice 16 4 2 10 20 32 -12 14 20 ELIM
9 Largent 16 3 2 11 18 28 -10 11 17 ELIM
10 Lallania 16 2 1 13 11 39 -28 7 13 ELIM
[/code:1:b7a5de6d5b]


Match Day 1: Oceaice @ Eauz W 4 - 2
Match Day 2: Europa Britannia vs Eauz L 1 - 0
Match Day 3: Eauz @ BrazillicoL 1 - 2
Match Day 4: The Weegies @ Eauz W 0 - 1
Match Day 5: Eauz @ EL CID THE HERO W 2 - 0
Match Day 6: Melmond @ Eauz W 0 - 3
Match Day 7: Eauz @ Largent W 2 - 0
Match Day 8: The Confederate @ Eauz W 0 - 2
Match Day 9 : Eauz @ Lallania W 1 - 0

Match Day 10: Eauz @ Oceaice W 2 - 0
Match Day 11: Eauz @ Europa Britannia T 2 - 2
Match Day 12: Brazillico @ Eauz T 1 - 1
Match Day 13: Eauz @ The Weegies W 1 - 0
Match Day 14: EL CID THE HERO @ Eauz W 0 - 2
Match Day 15: Eauz @ Melmond T 1 - 1
Match Day 16: Largent @ Eauz W 0 - 1
Match Day 17: Eauz @ The Confederate
Match Day 18: Lallania @ Eauz

Goalkeeping Extravaganza
Xtfuinxm and Hansen Wow Fans With Alert Play and Saves
By Henry Kalangalangalang of the Melmond City Herald

EUROPA BRITTANIA—Despite its utter irrelevance in terms of qualifying, the match played between Melmond and Europa Brittania was truly class football. In the slow drizzle which Europa Brittanians are used to and prideful of in a strange way, an amazing and classy display of football was played by both sides.
The first ten minutes of the match began with a Melmond offensive explosion. Clever passes by the midfield and aggressive instincts by the Melmond strikers really put pressure on the Europa Brittania defence. Melmond already had three shots on goal within 10 minutes of the match. In comparison, they only had three shots on goal the entire first half in their last match against Eauz. At the 11th minute, Europa Brittania goalkeeper Mikel Hansen was able to deflect Melmond striker Benjamin Leeb’s attack out of bounds. A corner kick was awarded. Melmond defender and corner kick ace Jonsi Torrini took the honors. Torrini would once again try his Acosta-Audioslavia Arc, a corner kick with such great bend that he could actually score right from the corner. The wind was blowing strong toward the Europa Brittania net. Torrini lets it fly as the ball takes this seemingly sharp and unnatural arc. The Melmond strikers ready to head or kick the ball in didn’t need to do anything. Hansen was completely baffled by the odd corner and the ball went in the net. An improbable goal for Jonsi Torrini from the corner at the 11th minute. Melmond has the lead 1-nil as the Europa Brittania crowd grew silent with shock.
The silence would not last too soon however as Europa Brittania made a quick counterstrike. Europa Brittania midfielder Noel Huntly finds his midfield teammate Nikolas Kiwitz. Kiwitz then makes a leading pass to the streaking striker David Lester, who had beaten Melmond defender Nina Steen. Lester slides on the wet grass to kick the ball. Melmond goalkeeper Snhp Xtfuinxm overcompensated with his dive to stop the ball as Lester kicks the ball the opposite path in which Xtfuinxm dived to make the save. Lester scores the equaliser at the 15th minute. Both sides were tied at 1-1.
The crowd will not be treated to any more goals in the match, but they will be treated to world class football, especially from the goalkeepers. Everyone was on their A game as neither side needed to make a substitution. The midfielders made excellent passes. The strikers made hard, accurate strikes. The defenders marked tightly. However, the plays the goalkeepers made were stunning.
Let’s start with the Europa Brittania goalkeeper Mikel Hansen. His midair reaction ability was shown greatly during a Melmond corner kick. Jonsi Torrini once again tried his Acosta-Audioslavia Arc corner kick. Hansen was ready for it this time as he fisted the ball out into the midfielder. However, Melmond’s superstar midfielder Critandi Unne came running to make sudden diving header right toward the net. Just as Hansen landed from his leap, he makes a sudden dive to knock that shot away! After that deflection, the ball was cleared by defender William Heridan.
Melmond goalkeeper Snhp Xtfuinxm was certainly not outdone. Europa Brittania striker David Lester, seeing that his fellow striker Derek Lionel had a step advantage on Melmond defender Scott Cheney, makes a low cross attempt hoping that Lionel could kick the ball in midair into the net. Xtfuinxm, expecting a pass to the other Europa Brittania striker Michele Lomardi, had to adjust quickly and ran as fast as he can. He was outstretched diving to stop the ball and was able to deflect it away. Xtfuinxm ran as fast as he could to return to his post as he found Lomardi was wide open. Europa Brittania midfielder Ian Khandrias makes the quick pass to Lomardi, but as Lomardi makes his shot at the seemingly empty net, Xtfuinxm came flying out of nowhere to make the diving save. There was no deflection in this case as Xtfuinxm maintained possession of the ball.
The goalkeepers continued to make the amazing save when needed but mainly played cerebrally as they always seemed to be in the right position to stop any attack. As the final whistle sounded, the fans gave both sides a standing ovation as both teams played solid, fundamental football with no evidence of any sloppiness. Both sides exchange jerseys and shake hands.

Goals
Torrini, MEL 11th
Lester, EBR 15th

Cards
None

Standings

Other Group 10 Results
Oceaice 0 – The Weegies 4
Brazillico 1 – EL CID THE HERO 2
Eauz 1 – Largent 0
Lallania 0 – The Confederate 2

[code:1:068ce243ca]Group 10
Pts W D L GF:GA GD
1. Brazillico 36 11 3 2 36:16 20
2. Eauz 36 11 3 2 27:9 18
3. Europa Brittania 33 9 6 1 29:11 18
4. Melmond 23 6 5 5 23:22 1
5. The Confederate 23 6 5 5 28:28 0
6. EL CID THE HERO 23 7 2 7 18:23 -5
7. The Weegies 19 6 1 9 17:19 -2
8. Oceaice 14 4 2 10 20:32 -12
9. Largent 11 3 2 11 18:28 -10
10. Lallania 7 2 1 13 11:39 -28[/code:1:068ce243ca]

Melmond Team Stats
Goals: Critandi Unne (6), Mornakh the Bloody Handed (5), Chris Owen (5), Benjamin Leeb (4), Diallo Unne (1), Rainy Zoulthane (1), Camui Arai (1), Jonsi Torrini (1)
Cards: Scott Cheney (2), Paul “Edgy” Shields (1,1), Chris Owen (1), Kestrel Bluesummers (1), Jonsi Torrini (1), Cristina Antunez (1)

The Melmond National Team Schedule

@ EL CID THE HERO L 2-1
@ Oceaice T 1-1
v Largent (Microcosm Stadium, Aldi) W 3-0
@ The Confederate T 3-3
v Lallania (Xpress Counsel Field, Cali) L 3-2
@ Eauz L 3-0
v Europa Brittania (Feliz-Unne Stadium, Unne) L 2-0
@ Brazillico L 2-0
v The Weegies (Frankndottir Stadium, Acosta) W 1-0
v EL CID THE HERO (Woocat Books Ballpark, O’Connor) W 3-0
v Oceaice (Lifedonations Stadium, Morales) T 1-1
@ Largent W 2-1
v The Confederate (MPNK Stadium, Faasen) W 2-1
@ Lallania W 2-1
v Eauz (White Bread Dome, Suburbia) T 1-1
@ Europa Brittania T 1-1
v Brazillico (Melmond Bowl, Melmond City)
@ The Weegies

Next Game
vs. Brazillico (Melmond Bowl, Melmond City)

Despite being out of the qualifying chase and everything being decided on who is going to Oglethorpia and Kingsford from Group 10, Melmond still has a lot to play for. Melmond is shooting to maintain fourth place, but they have four pains to deal with. The Confederate is the closest to them but has a tough road. EL CID THE HERO may have the best shot as they have the path of least resistance. The Weegies have an outside shot and have been red hot as late. This match against Brazillico would be the most interesting. Brazillico has lost two straight, but considering that most of their starters are taking a rest, it’s not too much of a surprise. They will be bringing them back out to take on Melmond at the same city where they beat up the referee who they felt wronged them. The Melmond and Brazillico sides seemed to have made up after teaming up to defeat the undead Gurg, the question is though how will the fans in Melmond City feel after they blame Brazillico for ruining a great moment in Melmond football history. Manager Felix Coostatlwak will keep the starting lineup the same.

GK- Snhp Xtfuinxm
D- Jonsi Torrini
D- Sergio Ortiz
D- Scott Cheney
D- Nina Steen
M- Martin Goodwin
M- Critandi Unne
M- Camui Arai
M- Cristina Antunez
F- Mornakh the Bloody Handed
F- Benjamin Leeb

Melmond Bowl
Location: Melmond City, Melmond
Seats: 92,542 (Open Air)

Melmond City is the capital and largest city in Melmond. The United Postmodernist States of Melmond grew from this ancient city which was said to be visited by the mythical light warriors. Anything and everything happens in the megalopolis known as Melmond City. The Melmond Bowl was built so that Melmond would have a national stadium of sorts. Its original purpose was football It is the home of the 3-time Melmond Premier League champion Melmond City Blues. It also hosted events in the Exclusive Capitalizt Zone Olympics as well as various other events. This will be its first international football match the Melmond Bowl will be a host to. Tickets have been long sold out. All fans will get a free bowl of chili courtesy of Melli’s Chili, the best chili in the nation!

The Evil Umpire makes a half-assed effort against Halfassedstates. They lose 2-nil. Tripping teabags must destroy Ravenspire.

Eliminated

The loss in Dennisov with 1-2 means Tadjikistan is now officialy eliminiated, Dennisov is 9 points away (or 8 for Belmorian Scandinavia) and there are only 2 matchdays left.

The only goal left for Tadjikistan is ending in 4th position, currently held by Belmorian Scandinavia, in the 17th matchday. A direct dual between both in Tadjikistan will now decide who get the place, and probably holds it. If Tadjikistan loses it will end fifth and the qualifications will be over.


M1: Tadjikistan - Intelligent Madness W 2-1
M2: Aerigia - Tadjikistan W 1-3
M3: Tadjikistan - Keyshona W 3-1
M4: Bobbystan - Tadjikistan L 2-1
M5: Tadjikistan - Bedistan L 1-2
M6: Kerla - Tadjikistan L1-0
M7: Tadjikistan - Dennisov L 1-4
M8: Belmorian Scandinavia - Tadjikistan W 1-2
M9: Tadjikistan - Vollmeria T 1-1
M10: Intelligent Madness - Tadjikistan L 3-1
M11: Tadjikistan - Aerigia W 4-2
M12: Keyshona - Tadjikistan W 0-3
M13: Tadjikistan - Bobbystan W 3-1
M14: Bedistan - Tadjikistan L 2-0
M15: Tadjikistan - Kerla L 1-2
M16: Dennisov - Tadjikistan L 2-1
M17: Tadjikistan - Belmorian Scandinavia
M18: Vollmeria - Tadjikistan

Doubleposters

Who are they? What do they do? Why do they do it?

See the exclusive story of Tadi, while he makes one of his amazing doubleposts and meet his double personality... only on TTV tommorrownight at 22.30

The Daily Druid

BOTTOMS UP!
Wayne Ottgunn-Irwin on the Druid President's latest claims

Yes, the rumours are true! The Druid President, known only as Trevor the Druid, has publically stated that he will flash his naked bottom in the window of a Cefn department store if the Druid football team qualify for World Cup 14.

The announcement was first made in a shock call to an international station that was discussing the mathematical possibilities of who could and could not still qualify for the competition, when Trevor made the sensational announcement. At first, people were stunned by what was being said, and many questionned whether the call was genuine or not.

But later, an official statement was read out by the Minister for PR, RP and animal noises that declared that the call was genuine. It stated that if the Druids won their final two matches and the team from Ravenspire, who they are aiming to catch, lose theirs, that President Trevor the Druid will "show his bum in Trevor Bros. window."

The statement could well mean that Trevor the Druid has teh next election sown up. Political commentators say that the public are bored of normal politicians, and if a leading one was willing to show us his backside, then it would endear him to the public, as well as raise his popularity with the other leaders of the Axis of Absurdity.

Meanwhile, the Druids left Cefn International Airport (CIA) for their match against bogey team The Redavic Union still without manager Tim Welsh, who is still in the MAD House. However, doctors say he could well be out in time for the final qualifying match against Pablicosta, though not in a fit state to manage the team. Trevor Lee will continue in that role until Welsh is fit again.

Headlines
-Mark Hearne, WC8 winning goalkeeper, wants Druid Job
-Guy Picciotto Resumes Training with Team After Spell in Lemmitania
-Liverpool England Government Reinstates all Ties with Insanician Government

ffs, slani forums ate my big rp :( heres the gist of it:

Four-Twoitious Win for 'Slaves
'Soundgardian on Sunday' sack pun-writer

Audioslavia beat Presgrief 4-2, g0 slaves!

[code:1:dd39ba0c08]
Pos Team P W D L F A GD Pts PP
Q The Eagles Nest 16 14 2 0 41 10 31 44 50
Q Audioslavia 16 11 3 2 28 16 12 36 42
Q Total n Utter Insanity 16 9 4 3 25 10 15 31 37
--------------------------------------------------------------
4 Grand master Mark 16 6 5 5 25 20 5 23 29
5 New Montreal States 16 6 4 6 30 27 3 22 28
6 East Spaam 16 3 8 5 25 25 0 17 23
7 Presgreif 16 3 4 9 18 31 -13 13 19
8 Kendelstand 16 2 5 9 13 28 -15 11 17
9 Larkinia 16 2 5 9 17 33 -16 11 17
10New Luca 16 2 4 10 18 40 -22 10 16
[/code:1:dd39ba0c08]

The table doesnt look like changing anytime soon, as the three qualification spots are long-gone. The Eagles Nest have been awesome, boasting a 14-2-0 record and looking like finishing at least eight points clear of the 'slaves in second. Audioslavia have done what has been expected of them, but have shown weaknesses in parts, which Lee Branson will hope to look at before World Cup 14 kicks off. Total 'n Utter Insanity have also been impressive, and their 0-0 draw with Grand Master Mark last week consolidates their qualification place.

On the other side of the dotted line, Grand Master Mark and New Montreal States with do battle to sort out which team will have the mis-fortune to finish fourth in the group, as neither side can catch TnUI, whilst East Spaam will be trying to forget this campaign as quickly as possible, especially with their neighbours Spaam being so successful.

Out of the bottom four, Presgrief have performed the better, having taken that memorable away win over Grand Master Mark earlier.

Audioslavia will play Larkinia and Kendelstand in their final two games.

I've been Jeremy Jaffacake, g'nite bitches

Nick, what’s going down my main man[/posh English accent]

Well Roger, still more developments. For one Liverpool England has reappeared. This disappearing/reappearing has some people worried about going home, but the Liverpool England government have reassured its citizens. Also the media has come under a fierce barrage of complaints about its reporting of this so called disaster. Sensationalising the story, and causing most of the problems. The Insanician Government promised to pass new laws to stop anything like this happening again. Nick Diamond, The Reappearing Country of Liverpool England.

Nils Nilsson and Lars Larsson sit in their living room and watch TV, Vollmeria vs Belmorian Scandinavia. Current score: 1:0.

LL: F*CK! It's the 70th minute and the Scandinavians can't even defeat a newbie! No one there in Vollmeria knows that the national team exists.

NN: Except the national team itself.

LL: Look how they play, I guess even they don't know that they are the national team!

NN: The goal was a fluke. Not even that, the referee was blind!

LL: He was! I wonder why abysmal referees are allowed in the World Cup.

NN: Abysmali.

LL: He is both: Abysmali and abysmal. The WCC should make sure that he never uses a whistle again.

NN: Yeah!

LL: I wonder why Alan Belmoresson doesn't play today.

NN: Kansu expected the team to win without him. Look at the number of subs in the team, Felisson, Alansson, Seoksson, Linusson...

LL: But they didn't,... f*ck!
(for a while, nothing is said)

LL: Finally, Alansson is replaced by Belmoresson.

NN: one minute to play, he can't change anything.

LL: He is in the tradition of Alan Belmore the great! He'll make a difference.

LL & NN: GOOOAAAALLL! (Alan Belmoresson archieved the equalizer seconds after he was substituted in.)

(the match isn't started after that again, final score 1:1)

NN: Bah, this Abysmali referee should have started the match again! There still was time!

LL: He is Abysmali.

NN: He is Abysmal.

^^ TnUI knows how to be amusing in apology :D

In other news, the Progressan squad for the finals will be announced soon. The manager is trying multiple permutations in the final matches and an intra-squad friendly, with two random teams of 16 from a selection of 32 selected by the manager playing each other in the Progressair Stadium.

why my teams was always lose. :cry: :cry: :cry:

Loviski Zwiazek Pilki Noznej decide then, the lovisian trainer Maximilian Frankowski leave in team, if Lovisa not advance to WC14.
and LZPN start search a new trainer. probably in inland. Esspecially from: Kaze Progressa, Liverpool England, TBF, and others.

*****ASPN Zoological Gardens Special Report*****

*we find ourselves looking at a shot of the platypus enclosure at the national zoo of the frost-free bordlerlands of snub nose 38 here in sten, the capital city. the platypi (platypii? platypus'? platypuses?) are looking rather down in the mouth - quite sickly, really. in front of the enclosure is an unidentified man with a microphone stuck in his face. the microphone is being held by our intrepid aspn reporter. as the abhorent aspn theme music fades, we hear*

- ...and whatever you do, don't pick your nose while the little red light on the camera is on. We're what? We're live? Well for heaven's sake, man, why di...er...Good evening, sportsfans. I'm Robin Graves, and this is ASPN live. Let me introduce you to ASPN's guest today, the Head Keeper here at the Borderlands National Zoological Gardens, Curtis Reply. How are you, Curt?
- Fine.
- Yes...well...we've been lead to believe, Curt, that the Platypi have been off their feed for several days.
- True.
- ...So...Then, we all know that the Platypus is the national animal of the Frost-Free Bordlerands of Snub Nose 38.
- Yes.
- Curt, we understand that they have a very special diet. They eat only - well, what is it they eat, Curt?
- Sports.
- Sports?
- Yup.
- They can't eat sports. That's just not possible.
- 'Tis.
- What sports, Curt? What sports do they eat?
- All.
- Come on, man! Are ya daft? Platypi eating sports? How in...
- Pages.
- Sports pages...oh...so, you're saying the national animal of snub nose 38 survives on a diet of sports pages.
- Correct.
- What sports pages?
- Scuttlebutt.
- Any particular sport? I mean, do they seem to have a preference for, say, hockey?
- Nope.
- ...um...Nope to "any particular sport", or nope to "Hockey"?
- Yup.
- Waddya mean, "Yup"!? Do they have a preference?
- Sure.
- Well, for the lova...what is it, man?
- Football.
- But the last football was in the news was several days ago, when the Hooligans took a match from The Redavic Union.
- Uhuh.
- Wasn't there an article, with photos, about the Hooligan Cheerleaders razing the Redavic Union side - something about "Redavic Union Suits"?
- Was.
- And they platypi...
- ...
- ...Ate it up?
- Did.
- And there hasn't been anything in the paper about any sport, much less football, in the past couple of days.
- Nope.
- Are you telling me these platypi, the pride and joy of the Frost-Free Borlderlands of Snub Nose 38 - these platypi, the symbol of our great land - are basically on a starvation diet waiting for more news of the Qualifiers for Football World Cup 14?
- Ayah.
- If the news is delayed much longer...if the results of matchday 17 aren't published soon...if the sports pages of [i]Scuttlebutt]/i] remain absent...well, what's the prognosis, Curt? What will happen to our friends the platypi?
- Die.
- Well, there you have it, folks! Straight from the horses mouth, so to speak. No news is, in this case, bad news for the platypi.

*across the bottom of the screen appears...*

*****This has been an ASPN Special Zoological Gardens Report*****

*here comes that horrible aspn theme again. the camera begins to draw back, giving us a widened view of the zoo. as it does, we overhear...*

- You are not the most talkative fella on the planet, are ya, Curt?
- Nope.

------------------------------------
OOC: Did I miss something telling us matchday 17 was delayed???

Turnia City Tribune

Associated Press

TURNIA WINS 3RD IN A ROW AFTER ELIMINATION, LOOKS TO FUTURE

In what could be called and odd turn of events, the Dragons have reeled off 3 straight wins post-elimination. It would appear the departure of former head coach Leon Odle came a bit too late, as his brother and interim head coach Paul Odle has lit a spark under the team.

It is nice to see the team has responded to Paul and may have gone a long way to establishing himself as the permanent HC in the next World Cup. I think it also safe to say there will be a smattering of new players as the current "back-ups" have clearly out performed their "starting" teamates.

Kudos to Paul and the rest of the team for holding things together and not packing it in after being written off as a disappointment. Valuable experience is being gained for the National team in these few remaining games. The word "spoiler" has even been batted around.

The Dragons currently sit at 5-2-10 17pts, and considering the turmoil of this first go, not a disappointment at all.

AP

Da Deor den Tinçitana

You're Sh*ttin' Me, Right?
Upset win over Belmore Family could lead to possible qualification

SAVANA -- Over 37,000 fans turned up at the Savana Football Grounds to cheer their Tingitana Camels on in what most believed would be the match that would officially knock them out of contention for a spot in World Cup XIV. The opponent: The Belmore Family, a very well-known team that has enjoyed reasonably significant success over the past 35 years.

Amazingly, the Camels put up perhaps their greatest effort yet, bar maybe the two Spaam matches. TBF got into the scoring area many times, but so did Tingitana, and when the dust had cleared, everyone was in shock to find that the final score stood 3-2 in the home team's favor, meaning it would take the final matchday to decide their fate -- astonishing for a first-year program.

Other events in Group 8 finally secured qualifying berths for Spaam and Dance 2 Revolution, but the third place slot is still up for grabs, with three teams battling it out to get it. TBF and Tingitana both sit on 32 points, though TBF has a superior goal difference, and Lovebug is two points behind them both. Let's look at the matchups for the final day of qualifying:

Alex The Tall v. Raptor Claw
Both teams are eliminated, and this match means absolutely nothing.
Prediction: 1-2

Spaam v. Dadostan
Having qualified, Spaam gets to take a break before the Cup proper starts with this match against the long-eliminated Dadostan.
Prediction: 2-0

Carpet v. Lovebug
The Bulldogs absolutely must win this match to have a chance at the final qualifying spot. If they can do it and both TBF and Tingitana fail to win, they'll be in.
Prediction: 0-1

The Belmore Family v. ElephantandCastle
If TBF loses this match, they're almost certainly out, and a win would certainly be the preferred result for the home side. All signs would seem to point to a TBF victory, but our statisticians say something different. I don't know why, but I am obliged to print their official prediction.
Prediction: 1-1

FEATURED MATCH:
Dance 2 Revolution v. Tingitana
Looking at rankings alone, one would think D2R would have their way with the Camels. But Tingitana has become infamous for its giant-killing in these qualifiers, boasting two draws with Spaam, two wins over The Belmore Family, and a previous draw with D2R. Combine that with the fact that Tingitana has not lost for four matches, their fervor for a qualifying spot, and the fact that D2R has already qualified, and an upset victory here would not be out of the question. Provided TBF doesn't beat ElephantandCastle, such a win would put Tingitana in the Cup.
Prediction: 1-2

Predicted final standings:
1. Spaam - 39
2. Dance 2 Revolution - 36
3. Tingitana - 35
4. Lovebug - 33, GD at least +14
5. The Belmore Family - 33, GD +8

One match left

Dushanbe - Tadjikistan ended matchday 17 with a meaningless draw against Bemorian Scandinavia, which remains 1 point ahead of Tadjikistan. In the last match, Tadjikistan has a chance to take back the 4th place in the group, but it will have to win in Vollmeria.

In the meantime, coach Yakir anounced his resignated from the national team, he has signed a contract with Regar-TadAZ Tursunzade for 2 seasons. He will be replaced by Mr Triandafillov, former coach of FK Khujand.

M1: Tadjikistan - Intelligent Madness W 2-1
M2: Aerigia - Tadjikistan W 1-3
M3: Tadjikistan - Keyshona W 3-1
M4: Bobbystan - Tadjikistan L 2-1
M5: Tadjikistan - Bedistan L 1-2
M6: Kerla - Tadjikistan L1-0
M7: Tadjikistan - Dennisov L 1-4
M8: Belmorian Scandinavia - Tadjikistan W 1-2
M9: Tadjikistan - Vollmeria T 1-1
M10: Intelligent Madness - Tadjikistan L 3-1
M11: Tadjikistan - Aerigia W 4-2
M12: Keyshona - Tadjikistan W 0-3
M13: Tadjikistan - Bobbystan W 3-1
M14: Bedistan - Tadjikistan L 2-0
M15: Tadjikistan - Kerla L 1-2
M16: Dennisov - Tadjikistan L 2-1
M17: Tadjikistan - Belmorian Scandinavia T 0-0
M18: Vollmeria - Tadjikistan

The Daily Druid

WELSH OUT, DRUIDS OUT, BUTTOCKS STAY IN
Wayne Ottgunn-Irwin on Tim Welsh's discharge from the MAD House and The Redavic Union 0 NEWI Cefn Druids 1

Normal order was restored to NEWI Cefn Druids yesterday as the football team were officially eliminated from the World Cup, while their troubled manager was released from the Mentally Affected Druids House in Llllllllllcwllllllll.

Firstly, Simon Greaves managed to help eradicate the memory of the WC12 qualifying matches against the Redavic Union by scoring the only goal, giving the Druids a double over the Union in this campaign. The goal came when a loose backpass gave the Union keeper no chance, and Greaves sealed the victory for the Druids.

However, due to Ravenspire's victory in The Evil Umpire, the Druids were finally officially eliminated from the competition. Though this might sound like bad news on the surface, it is what Druid culture is used to, and the people are comfortable with it. It also means that the President will not be showing us his bottom in the window of the Trevor Bros. store in the capital, Cefn. He said after the match, "Well, of course it's a little sad to be knocked out, but showing my backside was going to be a real vote winner, what with it being election year and all."

Meanwhile, manager Tim Welsh left the MAD House, after he was declared fit enough to do so by doctors. The FANCD declared that Welsh would be taking his job back when declared fit enough, though this will probably not be until the Cup of Harmony next year. Rumours were being thrown around of various different names showing an interest in the job, most prominantly Liverpool England World Cup winning goalkeeper Mark Hearne. But it seems that the FANCD will not be taking this route. Trevor Simons, Head Honcho at the FANCD, made the following official announcement.



Football Association of NEWI Cefn Druids
1 The Oval
Cefn
Cefn-Mawr



To all,

On behalf of the Football Association of NEWI Cefn Druids, I would like to clarify the managerial situation of the NEWI Cefn Druids national team. The current manager of the team is Tim Welsh, though he is still not in peak medical condition. However, the doctors at the MAD House have told us that, as long as he continues to take his medication, then there should be no problem. In the meantime, his assistant, Trevor Lee will continue to look after team matters.

At the same time, though, the rumours that we have been looking for a replacement for Tim Welsh are also true. This was in case Tim did not make a full recovery from his condition. If this was the case, the chances are I would be here announcing who our new manager would be right now. However, there were no more than three people approached, and not the masses of names suggested by some sources. The three were Trevor Lee, Mark Hearne and Yvan Trevor. Talks did reach advanced stages with Hearne, but the Druid mentality of 'Failure is OK by us' didn't seem to go down too well with him.

Trevor Simons

Head Honcho, FANCD

P.S. There are still tickets available for the Druids final qualifying match against Pablicosta at The Hole, at 17 groats each, from all the usual sources.

Nest One Game Away From Undefeated Run

Adams Scores Nest's 100th goal in 2-1 Win Over Presgreif

Striker Josh Adams got the honor of being the scorer of the 100th goal in Strike Birds' history when he hit a rebound to the far side of the net early in the first half. Many of the starters were removed at halftime to get them some rest as the variations and new ideas were tested against Presgreif. Glim Graerstiow added a second goal, and a goal was given up late to set the score at 2-1.

The Strike Birds now set at 13-2-0, and have the best record of all qualifying, and in fact are one of only three teams left to taste defeat. The final game against Larkinia at home should give the Nest the undefeated season they are now hoping for.

Ticket sales to Oglethorpia are still brisk, but tickets to Kingsford are still running a bit slow. Remember, the Nest MAY play in Kingsford so you might want to WAIT. (Editor's note....sorry, he got a bit carried away there.)

We would do some stats and great number crunching, but the deadline is in about 5 minutes and since this was an away game, we had to wait forever for the info to get here.

Meanwhile in other news, an undead army has started to run across the lands of the Silver Marches. Rumors of President Garric Ashallond requesting his allies to attach themselves to his country make no sense, but we are sure the wizard has his ways to deal with the menace.

It’s Official
Westmore screws up AGAIN

Jamie C. Peters
Ians Corespondent

WESTERGATE, Iansisle -- Many drunken fans wandering the streets after the Ians’ 3-0 loss to Praying2God were somehow convinced that Iansisle was all but automatically qualified for World Cup XIV. As convincing individuals proved much too difficult, I was forced to resort to the mass media.

Folks, Iansisle isn’t going to qualify for WCXIV. Iansisle is NEVER going to qualify for the World Cup, at least as long as Penns-McCormick clutches desperately on to David Westmore. It’s just one of those quirky sports things -- and a considerable lack of talent under fire by their inadequate head coach.

The Ians will draw their game with Vilita (5-6-6) while Sqournshelous (7-6-4) will beat Crystilakere (5-4-8). It’s inevitable; the Ians will miss out on qualifying by one lousy point.

David Westmore will appear on IanCorp Radio, cry for a while about how his players gave one hundred per cent the entire campaign, how the fates conspired against him, and how he knows that they will win the Cup of Harmony.

Just like he has every year since World Cup X.

When will Penns-McCormick and the bunch of idiots that run Sports, Games, and Recreation realized that Westmore is NOT the right fit for this team? Listen to me very carefully, Sir Gregory: the SuperCup was a FLUKE. Westmore just sat back and moped about losing Flaherty while Copplestone, Brandt, Answorth, and Truman carried the team.

Interestingly, John Copplestone - who now serves as Strikers’ Coach - has officially replaced Maxwell Johnson as the most famous person born in Troobodia, according to a poll conducted by IanCorp Research. Perhaps he would be a fitting replacement for Westmore?

So, anyway, a hearty cheer to the Ians. You brought hope back to the footballing community in this fine nation. Briefly.

See you at the Harmony Cup.

The Minister of Statistics, Other Totally Useless Information, and Band Aids offers congratulations to the 32 sides who have qualified for World Cup XIV !
[code:1:bf94a30163]
# National Side P W D L GF GA GD Pts Group
...
28 Iansisle 18 9 4 5 41-26 15 31 Gp 4
...
[/code:1:bf94a30163]

It seems Iansisle will not be at the Harmony Cup Tournament after all :wink:

<edit:> Finally loaded up the roster page, appropriate Lallanian defender's name has been subbed in.

Tragédia!

In an unabated display of poor sportsmanship today, it appears as though the playing career of Brazillican football star, Junior Socrates, may well have been tragically cut short today.

The situation transpired late in the Brazillico/Lallania match in the 78th Minute, when the diligent work of Filipo Cannon lead to Brazillico winning a corner. Junior Socrates was jogging over to take the kick, when in a show of protest, Lallanian defender Reggie Cross, whipped the ball at the lower body of the Brazillican midfield star. The ball got wedged between Junior Socrates’ left calf and right shin, causing him to fall over face first. The horrific part of this whole incident happened as Junior Socrates fell forward and poked his right eye on the corner flag.

Socrates was rolling around on the turf, clutching his face in pain as blood trickled down between his fingers. Head referee Dwayne Belmore was quick to show Cross the red card, as the medical golf cart rolled onto the field. One must tip their hats to the on-field medical crew, who wasted little time in getting Junior Socrates off the pitch and into the tunnel. Players and fans looked at each other jaws dropped. What just happened?

Junior Socrates was rushed to Kalita General Hospital, and there, the prognosis was not good. A large cut directly underneath the eye meant had Junior Socrates had no vision out of his right eye. The blood should eventually clear out from there, but whether he’ll regain vision from that eye remains up in the air.

What makes this situation all the more heartbreaking is that Junior Socrates has been the heart and soul of this Chili Bats’ team, since Brazillico returned to international football. He stated all along that he wanted to play in one World Cup, and in his fourth attempt, it appeared his dream was about to come to a reality. But with one match left in qualifying, that dream became a nightmare. Several specialists are saying that Junior Socrates may never lace up the cleats again and it would be putting it mildly to say that it would be ludicrous for Junior Socrates to make a return for Brazillico.

If you wish to send flowers, well-wishes and greeting cards to Junior Socrates, go to www.chilibats.com/getwell for more information. Any hate mail or death threats for Mr. Cross will be forwarded to the desired recipient free of charge.

Life Goes On

Although the footballing world is in a state of shock regarding Junior Socrates’ freak injury, the job of the Brazillican FA has just begun, as they search for a replacement to try to fill Socrates’ ample jock.

Eauzian-born Sylvain Gallant seems to be a solid choice, a hard-working, hard-nosed player who excels at all aspects of the game. His offensive ability is nowhere near that of Junior Socrates, but his overall game is likely the most polished of any Brazillican midfielder not on the national squad.

A darkhorse pick might be Pascal Coco. Coco is a promising 20 year old midfielder who also boasts a very solid all-around game. His offensive upside is a bit higher than Gallant’s, although he hasn’t even gotten a full year of LEAF under his belt, let alone international football at the highest level. Seeing as the replacement will likely be a benchwarmer, the experience could be priceless towards Coco’s development.

If the FA are looking for potential, they’ll look no further than Guy Santos. The 17-year old Santos’ offensive game has been compared to that of Esteban de Jesus, particularly his striking game, as he is very dangerous from dead or live ball situations. His decision making regarding passes has been criticized by skeptics, though that domain of his game has vastly improved. Santos has bulked up by nearly twenty pounds over the last year, while also improving upon his scintillating speed and lateral mobility, and some contend that he may now be ready to play with the big boys.

Another guy a few have been comparing to the great De Jesus has been Oglethorpian Jesus Éclair. It was believed that Éclair was destined for the Oglethorpian team, yet a new leak in information suggests he might be eligible to play for Brazillico through a grandfather cause. Rest assured that the FA will further explore this avenue with all their resources.

A palace, somewhere in the mountains. Bi Kikere sits in her mud bath, chatting with an attendant. The sports minister is satisfied with her choice to coach the national team, so far. The Crocs are in the World Cup, emerging with a creditable record from a tough qualifying group. All the country's neighbours will be there for the Cup in the Emerald Heights. Hotels are already being thrown up along the borders with Kingsford and Oglethorpia faster than Stout Lemming being thrown up by a drunk. The universe is unfolding as it should.

Of course, Rejistania was also through. But the third spot hadn't gone to Squornshelous. It had gone to ... Iansisle. So, miracles did happen.

She shouted for a lackey. "We'll haver to send them a gift. Send them ... um ... a solid silver acorn."

"Why an acorn? What does it mean?"

"I have no idea. But i bet they'll put a full team of diplomats to work trying to decipher the sub-text."

(congratulations on finally making the big time!)

Strike Birds Go Through Undefeated

Eagle's Nest Wins 4-2 at Home Against Larkinia

In the last two qualifying run, the Nest had dropped the last game before group play, but this team was different going up quickly to get a 3-0 lead in the first half by goals from Horace, Siggy Secour, and Marioa Gratunia. After the lead was assured, the remainder of the first half was spent trying some new formations and at halftimes, the entire forward side was substituted to rest the starters and to play some substitutes. The subs were not as good holding onto the ball and did get one more goal, but poor passing lead to 2 goals for the visiting side.


With the win, the Strike Birds have gone 16-2-0 in qualifying and have to be looked as a favorite to compete for the Cup. Groups should be drawn by tomorrow, and the Birds will know their fate soon.

The Eagle's Nest Quaification Run


The Eagle's Nest vs. Kendelstand Win 4-0
The Eagle's Nest @ Audioslavia Tie 1-1
The Eagle's Nest vs. New Luca Win 5-3
The Eagle's Nest vs. Total n Utter Insanity Win 1-0
The Eagle's Nest @ East Spaam Win 4-2
The Eagle's Nest vs. Grand master Mark Win 2-1
The Eagle's Nest @ New Montreal States Win 1-0
The Eagle's Nest vs. Presgreif Win 1-0
The Eagle's Nest @ Larkikia Win 5-0
-----------------------------------------------------------
The Eagle's Nest @ Kendelstand Win 2-1
The Eagle's Nest vs. AudioslaviaWin 2-0
The Eagle's Nest @ New Luca Win 5-1
The Eagle's Nest @ Total n Utter Insanity Win 1-0
The Eagle's Nest vs. East Spaam Win 3-0
The Eagle's Nest @ Grand master Mark Tie 1-1
The Eagle's Nest vs. New Montreal States Win 3-0
The Eagle's Nest @ Presgreif Win 2-1
The Eagle's Nest vs. Larkikia Win 4-2



[code:1:c38927e127]

Group 1 Final Standings:
Pos Team P W D L F A GD Pts
Q The Eagles Nest 18 16 2 0 47 13 34 50
Q Audioslavia 18 13 3 2 32 18 14 42
Q Total n Utter Insanity 18 10 5 3 30 13 17 35
---------------------------------------------------------------
4 Grand master Mark 18 7 6 5 29 21 8 27
5 New Montreal States 18 6 5 7 33 31 2 23
6 East Spaam 18 4 8 6 27 29 -2 20
7 Presgreif 18 3 4 11 20 36 -16 13
8 Kendelstand 18 2 6 10 16 32 -16 12
9 New Luca 18 2 6 10 21 43 -22 12
10Larkinia 18 2 5 11 20 39 -19 11


Eagle's Nest Statistics:

Record:
P W D L GF GA GD
Home: 9 9 0 0 25 6 +19
Away: 9 7 2 0 22 7 +15
Neutral: 0 0 0 0 0 0 0
-----------------------------------------
Total: 18 16 2 0 47 13 +34

Goals Scored:
J. Adams 16
Horace 10
S. Secour 10
M. Gratunia 7
G. Graerstiow 4
[/code:1:c38927e127]

(congratulations on finally making the big time!)

((Thanks, man! I wrote that article, like, seconds before I saw the new scores. Heh.

The next one's going to involve Jamie C. Peters getting fired, Westmore laughing at him, and swing from the wildly pessimistic to the wildly optimistic. And probably something about an acorn. But I'm awfully tired now. Sorry!))

The Ians will draw their game with Vilita (5-6-6) while Sqournshelous (7-6-4) will beat Crystilakere (5-4-8). It’s inevitable; the Ians will miss out on qualifying by one lousy point.


I'm sorry we didn't hold up to our end of the bargain... :oops: But who woulda thunk it... Crystilakere downs Squorn 2-1, And leapfrogs Atlantian Oceania rivals Vilita in the final standings at the last pip... Even after Vilita taking all 6 points from them througout!

IC…Pre-Game 18 RP (time delay)
LNSSN WORLD SOCCER “FOOTBALL” UPDATE

KANIELAPAKELIKA: Hello Bulldog Fans! We’re back today; of course you all know that due to commencement activities for our illustrious Queen ShyButterfly this past weekend all broadcasts were focused on that coverage. I know that all of us here at LNSNN Studios would like to congratulate her on this great accomplishment.

LOPAKAKIKA: She is truly amazing all that she has had on her plate this past year – finishing her senior year at university, writing her senior thesis, and even more amazing learning how to run a country, including the orchestration of the move that brought the Lovebug Islands to The Heartland region after the passing of her mother Palomagraciada this past year, and caring for her two younger siblings (Prince Polokakeiki aka Toad Boy, and Princess Awiwiwahinemu aka Swift Ladybug), all that the young age of 21. Yet, with all this she has made time to attend many of the Bulldogs games first hand.

KANIELAPAKELIKA: Speaking of the Dogs, as this is what the broadcast is all about, they have had an awesome tournament so far – with one game left they still have a shot at qualifying for the next round. We are in it if we win (we are facing Carpet tonight in Carpet who we defeated 4 –1 last time so that should not be a big problem), and The Belmore Family and Tingitana loose tonight (TBF faces E&C at home, and Tingitana faces D2R at D2R) or if they tie (because we have a higher Goal Differential) or if one ties and one looses. Our best bet is if D2R can beat or at least tie Tingitana, and E&C can manage to tie with TBF (if TBF’s defense has an off night). It is a long shot but with a little luck we might just make it. Even if we don’t we should at least end up with a 10-3-5 record, or if by some crazy occurrence we loose tonight a 9-3-6, or in case of tie 9-4-5 record – in any case we are much improved over our 4-2-12 performance during WC13.

LOPAKAKIKA: It has been great to be here to see this turn around. They have faced some of the top teams in the league and held their ground – with impressive wins over Tingitana and Dance 2 Revolution, and a tie in the second match-up with Spaam (one of the two teams in the WC13 championship). Since our last broadcast the Bulldogs have added to their season 2 wins, a Tie, and a single loss. We left just before the Bulldogs were to play away at Spaam, a close ally of Lovebug, and fellow Heartlander. After the loss in our last meeting the Bulldogs were fired up, and that resulted in a 2-2 tie with Spaam. Scores were made by Right Wing Zebra “Stripper” Black http://www.football-rumours.com/images/dennisrommedahl1.jpg and Left Fullback Dingo “The Foreign Fiend” Mei http://www.football-rumours.com/images/brendonsantalab.jpg each scoring their second goals of the tournament. We are now 0-1-1 against them.

KANIELAPAKELIKA: Following that draw the Bulldogs followed it up with a 1-0 loss to The Belmore Family at home, our defense was able to hold strong against them for most of the match-up, only allowing a score in the final minutes of the match-up. This was the Bulldogs 4th match with TBF, and though we have yet to legitimately win over them (there is one win against them on our record but that was because of a forfeit by TBF due to the death of Alan Belmore) we have seen our defensive efforts against them improve (3-0, 2-1, and finally this 1-0 record against them). We stand 1-0-3 against them.

LOPAKAKIKA: Then we faced Dance2Revolution another team we have played, more than any other in WC history, we were able to pull off another victory, as it stands now we are 2-0-3 against them. In our last match-up with them we lost 1-0 at home but this time were able to dominate them on their own field. Scores were made by the Bulldogs 2nd String Right Fullback Boar "The Bull" Bullock http://www.football-rumours.com/images/kilygonzales.jpg and Left Winger Eagle "Golden Foot" Grant http://www.football-rumours.com/images/hoekstra3.jpg.

KANIELAPAKELIKA: And in the Bulldogs second to last match up of the tournament they got yet another victory under their belts in a 1-0 game versus Alex The Tall at home. The last time we had to face them we ended in a 1-1 tie – this time our defense was ready and wouldn’t allow them to score. It was 2nd string Forward Quinn "The Navigator" Sid http://www.football-rumours.com/images/lauth.jpg back in his first match-up since game 10 got back on the field and scored our only goal of the game.

LOPAKAKIKA: So it comes down to tonight, it comes down to whether luck and fate is on our side. We can win and we have done our part but in order to qualify we have to bank on other teams loosing. But again either way we have played better than we have ever played before and that is something to be proud of.

KANIELAPAKELIKA: Yes it certainly is – we shall see you tomorrow folks!


OOC Message…

I really have been away the past few days because I graduated from college on Sunday and now that I’m back home – its all Dial Up, and we all know the forums are a pain even with high-speed access. Sorry these are late – but I wanted to post them before I looked at game 18 scores – I figured 4 games was enough for one RP! Good luck to EVERYBODY!

OOC: Lovebug: Congratulations on your graduation!

The Remington County Record

Hooligans Outbound for World Cup XIV
Sten Lauren D'Order

With the draw for World Cup XIV now complete, your Snub Nose 38 Hooligans are going through the final preparations for World Cup XIV. The Hooligans finished qualifiers with a 14-3-1 record, and are chomping at the bit to take the pitch for some World Cup action.

While it has not yet been disclosed which Groups will play their matches at what venues, and therefore the Hooligans can't yet board a Charter Flight for...well, who knows where at this point...but still, the group draw is done, and it's Group B for the Hooligans together with fellow Asteroid B 612ers Runaway Moose, Ravenspire from qualifying group 3, and world rank number 8 Commerce Heights.

Here's what Group B looks like:

[code:1:f59045bf89]
GROUP B, WORLD CUP XIV

# F National Side (WR) P W D L GF GA GD Pts Group
1 20 Commerce Heights (8 ) 18 11 5 2 35-18 17 38 Gp 5
2 21 Ravenspire (21) 18 11 5 2 23-13 10 38 Gp 3
3 4 Snub Nose 38 (33) 18 14 3 1 39-11 28 45 Gp 3
4 30 Runaway Moose (60) 18 9 4 5 36-26 10 31 Gp 7

# = number within Group B
F = Finishing order in WC XIV Qualifiers
(WR) = World Rank
Group = WC XIV Qualifying Group[/code:1:f59045bf89]

Tickets for all Hooligan matches remain on sale - they will be good for whatever venue is selected for the matches - through Snubitron and at the box office of our national stadium in Sten, "38 Special". Or you can call the Ministry of Athletics, Olympics, and Alcoholic Beverages. Ask for Beverly.

Stay Tuned for another Lovebug Broadcast. :D

LNSSN WORLD SOCCER “FOOTBALL” UPDATE

*We see flashing pictures of Lovebugians all throughout the country cheering and hugging as they awake this morning and see that their beloved BULLDOGS indeed have made it to the Qualifying Round.*

LOPAKAKIKA: Goooooood Morning Lovebug – Yes if you haven’t heard the sun is shining brightly this morning on the Isle of Lovebug. I almost didn’t believe my ears this morning – the miracle of miracles has happened THE LOVEBUG BULLDOGS HAVE QUALIFIED!

KANIELAPAKELIKA: That’s right we qualified, now how did that happen you ask? Well the Bulldogs managed to do their part by pulling out a tight 3-2 victory over Carpet in the final minutes (scores made by Raffi "Gorilla" Marley http://www.football-rumours.com/images/EricSabin.jpg, Kanga "Boxy" Roo http://www.football-rumours.com/images/mohammedkallon1.JPG, and Nathaniel "Kix" Anderson http://www.football-rumours.com/images/raulbravo3.jpg). Then it was up to fate to do the rest first The Belmore Family had to loose or tie against ElephantandCastle – we can thank E&C for stepping it up and getting the 1-1 tie with TBF. Then there was one game left – Tingitana and D2R (if they tied or D2R won we were set) and lo and behold D2R got the 3-1 victory and Lovebug was in the qualifying.

LOPAKAKIKA: Although I hear there was some confusion due to the fact that The Bulldogs and TBF indeed ended it with the same amount of points – but luckily several sides pointed out that Lovebug had the higher goal differential (Our goals minus Their Goals) and we were in. This makes Lovebug the lowest WC ranked team to make it to qualifying (we are 63rd and the closest team above us is Runaway Moose at 60th but then the rest are between 1-36).

KANIELAPAKELIKA: *Get’s handed a piece of paper* This just in the Bulldogs group has just been announced – we are in group D.

LOPAKAKIKA: So who will Bulldogs be facing off against?

KANIELAPAKELIKA: Well we were drawn in the group with a couple of familiar faces and one new opponent. At the top of the list is The Lowland Clans.

LOPAKAKIKA: The Bulldogs faced off with them in WC13 if I’m correct.

KANIELAPAKELIKA: Yes and with no real success. In our first meeting we would loose 3-0, the next meeting however we only lost by 1 (1-0). I think our offense and defense are much improved since we last met and if we face off we should be well prepared. The Lowland Clans finished the regular season 13-3-2 with 42 points, at the top of group 7 qualifying with both Liverpool England and Runaway Moose. They scored 39 points and only allowed 21 (GD = 18). They are currently ranked 10th for the tournament and 9th in the world. Next on the list is Tanah Burung.

LOPAKAKIKA: This team will be a new competitor for the Bulldogs. During WC14 they finished second in Group 4, qualifying with Rejistania and Iansisle. They finished the regular season 11-4-3 with 37 points. They scored 33 goals and only allowed 15 (GD = 18). They are currently ranked 22nd in the tournament and 23rd in the world.

KANIELAPAKELIKA: The third and last member of the group with Lovebug is Iansisle.

LOPAKAKIKA: Another former competitor – the Bulldogs faced Iansisle in the last Cup of Harmony and had a 2-1 victory over them.

KANIELAPAKELIKA: Well don’t think that just because we have won before that they will be an easy target. Iansisle finished this tournament 3rd in Group 4 with a 9-4-5 record with 31 points. They scored 41 goals (highest no. of goals in the group) and only allowed 26 (GD = 15). They are ranked 28th for the tournament and 36th in the world.

LOPAKAKIKA: And how does Lovebug stack up against these fine competitors. Well we finished the regular season 10-3-5 in 3rd place in the group and 33 points. We scored 31 goals and only allowed 17 (GD = 14). We are ranked 26th for the tournament and 63rd for the world.

KANIELAPAKELIKA: That’s all the time we have for now folks – we will be back later with our first ever qualifying match-up!

Cleverly Disguising a Dp With a Thank You - Thanks SNUB NOSE 38 for the congrats.... :D

congratulations Lovebug, i can honestly say i didnt see that one coming :shock: bye tbf! mwuha!

ic:

'slaves beat Larkina and Kendelstand
...and advance to WC14!

Two uneventful matches away to Larkinia and home Kendelstand ended 2-1 to the 'slaves. Rar.

FINAL SCORES

Larkinia 1 (Dude 64)
Audioslavia 2 (Hogan 19, O`Malley 25)

Audioslavia 2 (Carsley 23, Dude O.G. 68)
Kendelstand 1 (Dude 31)

[code:1:88691e2dca]
Table - Group 1
The Eagle's Nest 18 16 2 0 47-13 50 Q
Audioslavia 18 13 3 2 32-18 42 Q
Total n Utter Insanity 18 10 5 3 30-13 35 Q
Grand Master Mark 18 7 6 5 29-21 27
New Montreal States 18 6 5 7 33-31 23
East Spaam 18 4 8 6 27-29 20
Presgreif 18 3 4 11 20-36 13
Kendelstand 18 2 6 10 16-32 12
New Luca 18 2 6 10 21-43 12
Larkinia 18 2 5 11 20-39 11 [/code:1:88691e2dca]

And so here are the final standings for group one. The Eagles Nest have been unstoppable, getting 50 points from a possible 54 and finishing eight points clear of Audioslavia. The 'slaves have done what has been expected and qualified quasi-confortably, albiet with heavy defeats away to TnUI and TEN etched into their rcord. They finish seven points clear of a TnUI side who fell away near the end of the season. Not that it mattered, as they themselves were eight points ahead of Grand Master Mark on 27. New Montreal States come in fifth, making a decent show of themselves as they attempt to re-live the dizzy heights they reached in world cup eleven. In sixth come an appalling East Spaam on just twenty points, with only four wins from eighteen games. Quite frankly, this time round they lacked the firepower which could have turned some of their eight draws into wins.

East Spaam finish only slightly ahead of the newbs. Presgreif, Kendelstand, New Luca and Larkinia finish only two points apart from each other, although the 'greif have to be commended on getting three wins from their last few games to lift them off rock-bottom and into seventh.

NEWS JUSTIN!
Audioslavia drawn group E

The draw for the World Cup Finals has been anounced:

GROUP E:
Audioslavia (6)
Kerla (17)
Brazillico (26)
Kaze Progressa (31)

Kerla

Audioslavia's dressing room. There is an hour before the match against Kerla begins, and the 'slaves are discussing just who can play in the match. Lee Branson is holding the team-sheet.

Lee: right, i've picked the team, you guys listening?

Team: yeah

Lee: right, the surviving members of the first team are playing, so thats Matt in goal, me and Chris in defence, Nick, Tom and Paul in midfield, and Wayne up front... so we need two defenders, a midfielder and an attacker... so Gary, you partner Wayne up front, Ben can go back to playing on the wing for us... so that'll be your first game in a while eh old man?

Ben: heh, hey dont call me old-man dude, im 35, ive still got it

Lee: got what? a zimmer-frame and a bald patch?

Ben: f--- you

Lee: heh, ok, so that just leaves the two defenders to go with me and Chris... Lee, you play right-back, Mike can go left-back, so me and Chris will play as the two centre-backs

Chris: sounds good dude. you want me to give the team sheet to the ref?

Lee: yeah.. woah wait a sec, ive gotta sign it and put which players are injured.... do you reckon death counts as an injury?

Paul: umm.. i'd say so..

Lee: ok, so Jonny, John and Johnny are injured then, as well as Steve, Nandy and Alan... and i'll put me down as 'team manager'.

Paul: ok man...

the Audioslavians finish getting changed and trot out onto the pitch to riotous boos from the TnUIans in the crowd as well as the Kerlans. There are no Audioslavians of course, what with the ban on them. Half-time comes with no score, but Chris has missed 2 absoloute sitters. The players come back into the dressing room for the break

Lee: that was f--- awul people, what were you thinking? Paul? Ben? where are the crosses? youve been milling about... no offence Dave Mill....

Dave: none taken

Lee: youve been milling about doing nowt, and when the ball comes to you you just give it away! wheres the fire! wheres the energy?!

Paul: sorry man, but its a bit tiresome, what with everyone dying and stuff

Lee: i dont care, just start running at their defenders, look at them, their full-backs are petrified of you, and theyre too clumsy to get a tackle in, just run at them

Paul: ok ma..

Lee: and YOU Chris..

Chris: ...

Lee: look at me when i'm talking to you

Chris: huh?

Lee: (slapping Chris) are you awake?

Chris drops down dead.

Lee: WHAT THE f---!?!?! is there a f--- sniper in here?

Paul: no man, he has slappy death

Lee: what the f--- f--- is f--- motherf--- slappy death??!?!

Paul: he has slappy death, if he gets slapped he dies, remember what happened the last time we played TnUI? and their striker got pissed off and bitch-slapped him? he had a fit and couldnt breathe for like a minute

Lee: and that was because of slappydeath? i thought he was just chronically homophobic

Paul: no man..

Lee: so... so why didnt you tell me he had slappy death then!

Paul: dude, i would have but you were waving your hand-bag quicker than you could say 'you just killed our best player'

Lee: oh for f--- sake, so Chris is on the injury list as well? for f--- sake. Right, Mick, you come back into the centre of defence, Paul, you drop back and play left-back instead of left-wing, so i'm putting Dave on on left wing, is that OK?

Dave: thats fine with me

Lee: great. Freddy, put Chris in another Jiffy-bag

Freddy: we're out of Jiffy-bags, Nandy the big bugger used up all of them... hey does this mean we have to wear another black arm-band?

Lee: oh f--- yeah.. for f--- sake the entire right hand side of our sleeve just looks black now, we might as well wear a black kit... anyway Gary, Wayne, Ben, Paul and Dave... i'm counting on you guys now, lets get a win to round this group-stage off.... lets go!

Team: RARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR

Final Score
Audioslavia 1 (King 49)
Kerla 0


Cop Kerla!
..better them than us

Audioslavia set off on the world cup trail with a success over the perennial mid-carders Kerla yesterday with a confortable 2-0 victory.

Arkanoid F.C.'s Ben Pearce got the 'slaves ahead after eighteen minutes as Audioslavia topped off a spell of pressure with a Callum Jensen cross which was flicked in off the bar by the head of the young centre-back. Pearce, who's 21 in August, was playing his first game as a starter for the 'slaves, picked ahead of Lee Branson after his impresive performances for his Zucchinian club.

Branson now prefers to keep himself on the subs bench, the 36-year-old preferring to put James Reid in at right-centre-back instead of himself. Reid, who usually plays bang in the centre, looked somewhat out of sorts in the first half, being caught out of position as a Kerlan attack almost brought a goal for the left-winger, as he found himself in a space where Reid should have been, and whipped a shot past Jones which luckily grazed the upright.

Kerla had another oppotunity on the half-hour, with the number nine breaking through past Alan City's Aiden Carsley and laying the ball off for the other Kerlan striker to hit. The guy hit it as hard as he could, but a spectacular leap by Jones and the length of his middle finger somehow knocked the ball over the bar.

As Reid went to congratulate his keeper, Jones didnt appear to be too happy. The 23-year old Alan City goalkeeper stayed down clutching his ankle. Replays showed that he'd fell on it awkwardly, and Robert had to be hoisted off the field. Post-match scans showed it was just a twisted ankle, and the keeper should be ready for the third match against Sliponia.

Lee Branson replaced the injured player with Real Libertad goalkeeper James Scott. Although two years younger than Jones, Scott has just as much big-game experience, as he was the infallible goalkeeper who took part in Audioslavia's U21 triumph. Jones only played his first match for Audioslavia a year ago, as he only just got out of the shadow of the veteran Matty Pedder.

Scott and Jones are predicted to be battling it out for the number one jersey all through their careers, and Scott didnt do his chances any harm with his second-half display for the 'slaves. Stopping a seemingly unstoppable header and spreading himself well to half the Kerlan winger in his tracks, Scott kept Audioslavia's lead in a period where Kerla were getting through Pearce, Carsley and Reid all too easily. With half an hour left, Branson brought himself on for an ineffective Jordi Neeskens in midfield to give the 'slaves some more strength in defence, and also brought Yves Maartins on for a dissapointing Aaron O`Malley in attack.

Steadily, the Kerlan the new-look 'slave side came together. The Kerlan attacks decreased in frequency and ferocity, and Audioslavia took the game by the scruff of the neck. Maartins set up Willow for a shot at goal which he duly put past the post and Jackie Croft had a chip cleared off the line, before wunderkid Jeff Jordan rifled in a seventy-fifth minute winner from 20 yards. The midfielder recieved the ball from a pinged pass by Branson and flicked it backwards to Jensen, who played a one-two with Maartins and squared it back to Jordan who'd found acres of space on the left hand side, and the 21-year old Raiden midfielder picked his spot with a spectacular curling effort.

Audioslavia regained their confidence and looked like adding a third as Kerla faded away. Branson came close with a long-range effort, substitute Carl Myerscough scuffed a chance from close range, and Jonny Willow had another chance which he somehow missed from six yards.

Audioslavia finished on top, but the lack of ideas created by their strike-force is something of a cause for concern.

Final Score
Audioslavia 2 (Pearce 18, Jordan 75)
Kerla 0

As you can see, Audioslavia are unbeaten in two first-round games against Kerla. Kerla have a much better side now than twelve or even four years ago, and it will be asking a lot of the 'slaves to beat them as convincingly as they have done in the past.

PREDICTION: Audioslavia 0-0 Kerla

Brazillico

This one is gonna be a cracker. Audioslavia and Brazillico have never met each other ever before in competitive football. Brazillico are universally acknowleged to be on the climb after their self-induced trip from being History's Greatest Team to wiping themselves off the face of the planet. Brazillico will be a difficult challenge, and it would be hard to see Audioslavia getting out with a point.

PREDICTION: Audioslavia 1-3 Brazillico

Kaze Progressa

A friendly rival to the 'slaves throughout the years, KP are another side whom Audioslavia have never played. Kaze Progressa are a good team, but they arent brilliant, and if Audioslavia are going to beat anyone in group E, it'd have to be KP

PREDICTION Audioslavia 2-0 Kaze Progressa

I've been Jeremy Jaffacake, g'nite bitches

The Bedistan Sports Digest

World Cup XIV Group Draws Announced
Old friends, old rivals, and teams that other nations in Terranordalis may or may not hold a grudge against in Lions' group

The Bureaucratic States [of Oglethorpia] Football Association has officially released the group draws for the first round of World Cup XIV. The Bedistan Lions, after a fruitful 15-2-1 qualifying run, were drawn into Group H, which our analysts estimate as in a tie with Group C for the second most difficult group of the eight behind Group of Death Group F. The opposition is as follows:

Oglethorpia (ranked 14th in the world)
Oglethorpia is one of the two hosting nations in this Cup, and if it turns out that Group H plays in Oglethorpia, this could cause some problems for us. It wouldn't be our first time playing in the Bureaucratic States, though, as we also did so in the second round and semifinals of World Cup VIII when our very own nation of Bedistan was co-hosting alongside Oglethorpia.

We have played against the Oglethorpian team only once before, and it resulted in the Lions being on the receiving end of a 3-0 ass-kicking. Keep in mind, though, that was 36 years ago in the first round of World Cup V, when the Lions were a brand-new squad.

Previous matches:
WC5 first round: Bedistan 0-3 Oglethorpia (played in Tanah Burung)

Predictions:
If played in Oglethorpia: Bedistan 1-2 Oglethorpia
If played in Kingsford: Bedistan 1-1 Oglethorpia

Giant Zucchini (ranked 16th in the world)
Giant Zucchini has long been one of the superpowers of international football, never (as far as this reporter can remember) failing to qualify for the World Cup. As such, it was rather a shock when the side was eliminated in the first round of World Cup XIII -- where they also played the Lions. Will that experience come back to haunt them again, or will the Zucchinis regain their strength and propel themselves into the knockout rounds?

Previous matches:
WC8 second round: Bedistan 2-0 Giant Zucchini (played in Oglethorpia)
WC13 first round: Bedistan 1-1 Giant Zucchini (played in Cockbill Street)

Prediction:
Bedistan 2-1 Giant Zucchini

Dance 2 Revolution (ranked 32nd in the world)
Dance 2 Revolution is a relatively new side by Bedistani standards. The Lions have never played D2R themselves, though their allies and regional companions Tingitana were in D2R's qualifying group this year. Tingitana, a brand new side, drew one match and lost the second -- that loss directly keeping the Camels out of the World Cup and allowing Lovebug* in instead.

Previous matches:
None

Prediction:
Bedistan 2-0 Dance 2 Revolution

Bedistan should have no problems advancing to the second round with 6 or 7 points, but the real race to watch will be for the other qualifying slot, which Oglethorpia and Giant Zucchini will no doubt fight ferociously for. This time around, Oglethorpia would have to be the favorites in that race based on both momentum and possible home team advantage.

See you at the Cup!

* OOC: Congratulations!

This triple post is brought to you by Loco-Cola, the official beverage of the 2041 FA Cup.

This double post is brought to you by the Fillmore Motor Company, Bedistan's official international football team sponsor.

Eclectic Lemming Corporation is pleased to announce that the pivotal work on chicken psychology, Chickenization and its Discontents by Lemmond Freud, has recently entered the public domain and may now be posted to the Interweb for the reading pleasure of the commoner. Here is the first part of this brilliant tome, transcribed lovingly by ELC wageslaves for your edification.

---------

Chickenization and its Discontents

Lemmond Freud, Ph.D., M.D., Lem.D.

1. On the sexual insecurities of chickens, and roosters (and fowl generally)

Introductory remarks

It has often been remarked that the chicken is the most frightened of animals. Its name, in many cultures, is synonymous with fear. One of the commonest of schoolyard taunts is the chant of “Bawk! Bawk! Bawk!” meant to incite some hapless youngster to action in defense of his, or her—but usually, his—courage, gumption, or chutzpah. Many times has the spectre of chicken—the term used here without article to indicate its quality as proper noun, representing not a chicken, nor chickens generally, but the spiritual essence of chickenness—reared its ugly head to goad a youth into climbing on top of the gymnasium, or throwing a snowball at the teacher’s back, or torturing political prisoners. The chicken is thus more closely associated with fear than any other member of the Animal Kingdom—even including that fearsome fear-er, the scaredy-cat.

But whence comes the chicken’s afearedness—whence comes chicken? Are chickens indeed as fearful, as wantonly frightened, as the popular imagination would have us believe? Or are we all victims of a collective imagining—a myth, so to speak? This question has plagued the greatest minds in the study of the chicken mindset—the field nowadays more commonly referred to as chickenpsychology-- for fifty years. There have been dozens of halfhearted attempts to delve into the mysteries of chicken and its whenceness, but none to date have produced better than a handful of obervations and a lukewarm hypothesis. None, to date, have succeeded in cracking the chicken skull and observing the mind inside.

It is against this dismal background that I have set forth my studies, and my own attempt to reach inside the nethermost places of the chicken’s heart, to take its fear by the roots and rip it out. As a practicing chickeneurologist these past six decades, I have perhaps more intimacy with the workings of the chicken brain than any man living. I have worked with literally hundreds of chickens so frightened that they could not go about their lives in a manner that could in any sense be considered ‘normal;’ chickens so disturbed by their fear that they could not face stepping out of the henhouse without a massive dose of valium, or in some cases, thorazine.

Of all of these, one case stands out remarkably. One chicken—nay, uberchicken—whose profundity of psychosis was so great that it finally cracked the egg, so to speak, letting in the light of reason, revealing once and for all the root of the chicken’s fear.

The case of Dora

Dora was a common brown chicken, unremarkable in any notable sense of the word. She was three years old. She had laid nearly a thousand eggs in her life, putting her in the 75th percentile of egg production productivity. She lived in a henhouse in one of the larger farms outside Cologne, a farm managed by a conscientious multinational corporation that made sure no more than 5% of its chickens pecked one another to death. In other words, Dora’s life was one of average chickenness, with nothing out of the ordinary to recommend it as “unusual,” “exotic,” or “bizarre.”

Why then, shortly after her third birthday, did Dora refuse to lay?

Her handlers at first assumed that she was ill, and sequestered her for a week in the “chickenfirmary,” an oversized incubator where she spent all day sunning herself beneath the lights and eating chocolates. After a week, she still had not laid an egg. In fact, she was beginning to look pallid, her usual brown feathers thinning and showing blotchy white skin beneath. Yet she showed no definite signs of illness: she had no temperature, she was eating normally, her stools were the usual guano. After a second week in the chickenfirmary with no change, her handlers wisely decided to refer her to me.

Now, my practice—and it is an unusual one—is to first exhaust all non-surgical means to get at the source of a chicken’s psychosis before taking the measure—the extreme measure, I would say—of lobotomizing the chicken. True, it is easy enough to remove the frontal lobe of the chicken’s brain and implant a microchip that will stimulate the egg-layer, resulting in guaranteed daily production; but how much less invasive is it to try talking to the chicken first? Significantly less invasive, if more costly and time-consuming. But in the case of Dora, the the investment in time and money was well worth it.

I began our first session by asking Dora a set of questions that I consider standard: How do you feel? Do you enjoy life on your farm? Are the handlers good to you? Things of that nature. These questions provide little, if any, useful information, but they are essential in putting the chicken at its ease, establishing the rapport so critical to the successful psychological investigation.

Dora’s answers were not unusual, if perhaps a bit hackneyed: she felt fine, after two weeks eating chocolates. She supposed that the farm was okay, though it lacked excitement. The handlers had never mistreated her. She got along well with her cagemates, and had never pecked another chicken to death (a claim that I later learned to be a falsehood). Feeling that we had developed a good working relationship, I ended the first session by asking Dora to spend some time over the next week thinking about her parents. At that point—when I saw the strange, faraway look that came at that moment into her eyes—I got my first inkling that Dora would yield more unusual information than I had yet head from any chicken.

The next week, Dora settled right into the session. She had not laid an egg during the previous week, she said, but she felt like it was getting closer. I let this remark pass—chickens always say that—and asked if she had followed my instructions. She said that she had tried, but that she had no memory of her parents. I could see immediately that this was a lie, and I pressed her on it. I asked where she had been born (on the same farm where she was now employed) and who had raised her (her handlers, so far as she could recall). But I knew that this was not true, because I knew that the practice on her particular farm was to allow the young chicks to imprint on their mother and follow her around for the first fourteen days of life. And I knew, as well, that the roosters roamed the breeding-yard freely with the hens. Dora knew her parents. She just didn’t want to talk about them. The question was, why?

We are just trying to get the noise out of Radijo KaMaRi, as we chnge the frequncy enought to tune in RejisCAST. We decide to listen:

ST: Hello listeners, I am Sirake Tekim, you might ask why you listen to me now and not to Idine Sala or elin Ri, well, Idine and Elin got a better-paid job at a rejistanian radio-station. Well, talking about opportunistic, of course I kept my job here, Ididne won't be able anymore to hear the match reports anymore. And to make Idine totally yellow of envy, today I have a guest in the studio, who Idine always wanted to interview: the coach of the Orange-Blues, Laxtu Takil. Hejida Takil'he.

LT: Hejida Tekim'he.

ST: Are you satisfied with this first qualifiers?

LT: There were some matches, where I nearly went insane. I mean, take Danilotown on MD 18, we should have won, but the team played like a group of already-relegated underarchievers.

ST: The team of substitutes, you mean?

LT: Yes. We did not lose, we did not draw so I guess they were not too bad, but it was no match I want to experience again.

ST: You prefer to see a match where the lasane plays extremly good and loses?

LT: Yes, especially when everything already is decided. Like it was in the last match.

ST: There are certain rumours about Milan Tia~e and drug usage as well as extramartial sex... is there any truth behind it?

LT: Tihrana is old enough to decide what he wants to take or who he wants to spend his nights with and has a right to privacy. I don't know if anything of these rumours is true, I know, that he is one of the best players in our team and his performance would be worse if he would be playing intoxicated.

ST: What are your expectations about the cup?

LT: I expect to meet the oglethorpian burreaucracy in its total 'efficiency' if the group F is there.

ST: Wasn't it announced where groups are?

LT: No. In Sike they said due to some regulations on the prevention of terrorism, the Oglethorian FA didn't tell. the Sikenians had no real idea what kind of regulations that are.

ST: Lemmitania is ranked 5th, The Eagle's Nest 11th and Dennisov 27th, the rejistanians 4th. Is that a group of death?

LT: Yes, I can say that this group is surely one of then toughest groups in this cup, perhaps even the toughest. I can predict you taht things will become... funny.

ST: jajil? you mean?

LT: Yes. A tough competition has many chances, chances to gain simu. and if we don't succeed there, it's much better than failing in an easy group.

ST: That's an interesting perspective. but can you tell perhaps a bit more specific where you except the Orange-Blues to finish after group stage?

LT: I can, between place 1 and 4.

(at this time, RejisCAST again breaks down, perhaps it was a mistake to urge Elin Ri to get another job.)

Sturms face Heartlanders, veteran teams in Group G

After a disappointing and shocking loss against team Shang-ti, ruining Gesamtkuntswerk's undefeated record, the Sturms find themselves face to face with Heartland neighbour Liverpool England, as we all Halfassedstates and old opponent Kingsford, vying for a place in the final sixteen. This is the second time in as many world cups that the Sturms are forced to face a host nation in their group cluster. The breakdown and summary of opponents are as followed:

Halfassedstates: A solid team that has been competing for the Cup longer than anybody can remember. This year's performance has left them in the eighth position, one slot down from their 7th place finish in the last Cup. Within the group, Halfassedstates sports by far the greatest difference in in goals fielded/allowed, with thirty-three kills and only eleven successful attempts on their own goal. This does not mean that they are infallible; Team Halfassedstates sports two losses to complement its thirteen wins, one more than the Sturms themselves have earned this year. Their aggressive attitude, coupled with a great show of defense, will all but guarantee that they will not tie with the Sturms, as the Sturms themselves, excepting their unbelievable loss against Shang-Ti, has just a tight a defensive force operating on home turf. All in all, an intense game, one (despite present ranking) that will be too close to call.

Liverpool England: This will be a very interesting match, as for the first time ever Team LE will come up against the Sturms in the cluster matches. This year has proven to be one of difficult competition, as only two teams can brag an undefeated record. While the Sturms only have one win up on Team LE (11-10), the Sturms have claimed six ties to LE's five, making for a four-point gap between the neighbouring teams. Team LE has scored two more goals than the Sturms, but has allowed sixteen goals, three more than Gesamtkuntswerk's thirteen. However, when all is said and done, it is predicted that the Sturms will best LE in their match, with their lightning assault taking them down 3-2.

Kingsford: Because of their status as a host team, they have yet to play a match in this Cup, making it difficult to accurately assess them as a team. However, unless Kingsford has made vast improvements in their game, the Sturms should overtake this formerly 30th place team, maximizing their kills by hammering Team Kingsford with the legendary Sturm offensive and shutting down their attacks with the well-tooled defensive net that has made them a top contender in recent cups. Predicted victory: 2-1.

Eagle's Nest in Group F

Fans Pass Out When They See Group


The Eagle's Nest is ranked 11th in the world...and THIRD in their group. The Nest has been placed in Group G with top ten teams Rejistania and Lemmitania, and 27th ranked Dennisov. This group was not the easy path that many Birds fans had hoped for, and well, it's going to be rough.

Well, how did each team do here in the cup qualifying?

GROUP F


Rejistania (4)
Placed 6th in rank of teams in qualifying, with a 14-2-2 record. They scored 24 goals while giving up 10. They won Group 4.


Lemmitania (5)
Placed 15th in rank of teams for qualifying with a 12-3-3 record. Finished 3rd in Group 2. They scored 34 goals while giving up 11.


The Eagle's Nest (11)
Finished on top of qualifying, being only one of two undefeated teams, going 14-2-0. They scored a qualifying high 47 while giving up 13. Winner of Group 1.


Dennisov (27)
Finished 27th in rank, 3rd in Group 6 with a record of 10-2-6. Scored 35, but gave up a large 23 goals.

So how do we predict this to go down?

I feel that by recent games, Rejistania and The Eagle's Nest are hot, on a roll, and should win out over both Lemmitania and Dennisov. The game between these two teams will be a key game that may decide the fate of both teams.

Prediction:

1. Rejistania
2. The Eagle's Nest
3. Lemmitania
4. Dennisov

Well, we have to lose sometime, better get our loss against Rejistania out now and hope we don't lose again after that.

The Group play has still not been announced, but noticing that group G has Kingsford in it, it may be assumed that we are playing in Oglethorpia, which would make all the preticket buyers correct in their assumption we would be playing there. However, Noticng that Group H has Oglethorpia, you can assume that you are playing in Kingsford. Which would make all teh ticket buyers wrong, and well, that would be ugly.

This is well, a Group O' Death. Being one of only two groups that have 2 top ten teams and teh 11th ranked team makes this tourney a very difficut run for any of these teams. Let's hope the Nest can come out and play the best ball of their lives to get out of this group.

The Brazillico Advance

Group E Preview
Sizing up the competition

By Jake Tartare

Audioslavia is a team that’s hard to get a good read on, since their stock has been falling Like a Stone since nearly winning it all during World Cup 12. The real question here is: Can Brazilli-“Cochise” it past the Audioslavians? All kidding and puns bad enough to grace a headline in an Audioslavic Sports Digest aside, the ASholes should have their way with Brazillico despite a shocking lack of confidence from the local media.

Prediction: Brazillico 0 – Audioslavia 2

Of all teams who have made their ascent towards glory, few have done it as quietly as Kerla. The Kerlans have enjoyed sensational international success and have tiptoed their way to one of the sexiest records in all of qualifying. It seems unlikely for the Kerlans to make much noise in qualifying, as Brazillico should completely silence them and notch their first victory of the campaign.

Prediction: Brazillico 2 – Kerla 1

Brazillico will face Kaze Progressa for the fourth time in their history, and if history has taught us any lessons, this should be a close affair. All previous matches have been decided by a single goal and this one should be no different. The more pressing question this match will answer will be “Whose truckloads of cash has yielded the most competitive team?” as Sport Progressa’s heaps of green face off against the massive monetary monolith known only as the Brazillican Football Association.

Prediction: Brazillico 1 – Kaze Progressa 1

Final Predicted Group E Pecking Order
1. Audioslavia
2. Kaze Progressa
3. Brazillico
4. Kerla

And we interrupt this program to remind all WCC members you may now begin to send in your hosting votes. The program now resumes...

Predictions - WCXIV Group G

Halfassedstates [7]
Gesamtkuntswerk [9]
Liverpool England [22]
Kingsford [30]

In Group G, the Philosophers face three teams they've come across before - but this time, it will be much more difficult. Halfassedstates, Heartlander Gesamtkuntswerk and Kingsford will vy with the team for he two spots to make it into the final 16 - and here's how it breaks down.

Halfassedstates [7] vs Liverpool England [22]
Expect this to be a tough test for the team. I can only see a draw happening.
Prediction: 1-1

(Prediction: Gesamtkuntswerk [9] 2 Kingsford [30] 1)

Gesamtkuntswerk [9] vs Liverpool England [22]
The first time the two teams meet in the finals. Gesamtkuntswerk have gotten stronger over the years, and cannot be underestimated. Draw.
Prediction: 1-1

(Prediction: Halfassedstates [7] 1 Kingsford [30] 2)

Kingsford [30] vs Liverpool England [22]
The last time these two teams met, it was in Audioslavia WC7. A draw was the result then, with both teams being eliminated; Liverpool England being on top on goal difference. Expect a draw.
Prediction: 1-1

(Prediction: Halfassedstates [7] 0 Gesamtkuntswerk [9] 1)

Prediction, Final Table
[code:1:819d3e880a] P W D L F A GD Pts
Gesamtkuntswerk 3 2 1 0 4 2 2 7
Kingsford 3 1 1 1 4 4 0 4
Liverpool England 3 0 3 0 3 3 0 3
Halfassedstates 3 0 1 2 2 4 -2 1[/code:1:819d3e880a]

Expect disappointment.

The Daily Druid

DRUIDS END QUALIFYING POORLY
Wayne Ottgunn-Irwin on NEWI Cefn Druids 2 Pablicosta 3

After being declared officially out after matchday 17 of qualifying, the 18th and final day was an exciting match, though disappointing for the Druids, who lost 3-2. Manager Tim Welsh, who recently left the MAD House, was looking on from the stands. He later said of the game, "Well, it happens, doesn't it? Druids get beat all the time, and we were already out, so who cares? We didn't, and we were all the better for it." Despite sounding the same as before he went into hospital, doctors say that Welsh is on medication for his condition, and we should see change in him soon.

OOC: WCC members with hosting bids are not allowed to vote, right?

Sowhatsville News

We're off to Kingsford again! Hurricanes put in Group G after Halfassed finished with a tame draw.

It took a 78th minute volley from Robin Ya to help the Hurricanes grab a point from their final qualifying game. The final sacore of 1-1 possibly being more than the Hurricanes deserved and the point allowing them to get the 8th best record in qualification

The draw for the finals themselves was made just this morning, and it seems as though the Hurricanes will be facing a return to Kingsford. Although no venues have been confirmed for each group, Group G contains co-hosts Kingsford, so it seems likly that they will be making good use of home-field advantage.

GROUP G
Halfassedstates (7)
Gesamtkuntswerk (9)
Liverpool England (22)
Kingsford (30)

Gesamkuntswerk finished 2nd in Group 9 and only a final game lapse prevented this strong Heartland team from going through qualification unbeaten. With a strong defense and an almost suicidaly quick attack, this team is worthy of its top 10 ranking and will provide a stern test for the Hurricanes. While a 0-0 draw looks a decent bet given the defensive abilities of the Sturms and the Hurricanes, I have a sneaking suspicion this one could have a few goals in it - especially if either back-line has an off day.

Liverpool England finished second in Group 7 behind The Lowland Clans. The philosophers (as they have recently been christened - why no-one really seems to know, but they'll spend a great deal of time telling you why they're not sure!) are another Heartland side that have been slowly rebuilding after spending too many years basking in the glory of their WC triumph. Another tight game this one, a single goal may well decide it.

Kingsford. The co-hosts face the usual problem for hosting sides. Will the benefit of home advantage and fresh legs outweigh the fact they haven't played a meaningful fixture since the WC 13 finals? Whatever happens, they will be keen to avoid crashing out at home in the finals to Halfassed again (see WC6 when Kingsford last hosted!) A close game that will likely see both sides drop points (ie a draw!)

Prediction: I am not going to make one for the group, I just hope my LE colleague is still as good at predicting Halfassed placings as he was in WC13!

Overall, I feel that the final 4 will be,
Bedistan, Brazillico, Cockbill Street and Ravenspire (in alphabetical order only!)

GIANT ZUCCHINI NEWS AND PREDICTIONS:

The Zucchinis have been grouped together with Bedistan, Oglethorpia, and Dance2Revolution.

Bedistan
WC 8: 0-2 Loss
WC 13: 1-1 Draw
Record: 0-1-1

Oglethorpia
WC 6 QF L1: 1-2 Loss
WC 6 QF L2: 2-2 Draw
WC 7 QF L1: 2-1 Win
WC 7 QF L2: 0-2 Loss
WC 10: 3-0 Win
Record: 2-1-2

Dance2Revolution
(No previous encounter)
Record: 0-0-0

To: Current WCC Memebers
Ariddia, Total n Utter Insanity, Brazillico, Tanah Burung, Lemmitania, Spaam, Kingsford, Audioslavia, Beditan, Oglethorpia, Europa Brittania, Ravenspire, Giant Zucchini, One Red Dot, Kaze Progressa, Rejistania and Cockbill Street

Re: Co-Hosts for WC XV

We have the following bids on the table for WC XV

Liverpool England + Giant Zucchini
Eauz + The Eagles Nest
Spaam + Brazillico
The Belmore Family + Commerce Heights


All WCC members TG Ariddia their vote for WC XV Co-Host.

Let's establish a deadline of 2400 GMT Monday May 31 2004.

Any not received by then will be tabulated as an abstention. There are 17 voting members (see above). Whichever bid receives the most votes will win.

And, sometime on or about Tuesday June 1 2004 the Co-Hosts for WC XV should be announced.

SN38
(RAPIDLY REVISED)

-------------------------
GZ: There is no established RULE that prohibits a WCC member from voting if they have a hosting bid on the table. Please vote. IF this becomes a contraversy - well, then it does and we'll deal with it. IMHO if one has a vote, one should vote. Period.

*we are seated on the south lawn of the palatial estate of the minister of athletics, olympics, and alcoholic beverage. well, not right "on" the lawn - we have this real nice plaid picnic blanket. we're holding down this corner of the blanket, and the picnic basket itself is holding down a second corner. at the other two corners are the minister, and someone who has been identified to us only as "margaret". it is a nice early summer evening, and the strains of vivaldi's "four seasons", eminating from the ministry's own "snub nose 38 hooligan symphony orchestra" are finding their way to us on a cool breeze. it's a little hard to hear, however, because...*

- A what?
- An ostrich, Margaret.
- What have you been drinking?
- Cold "38 Special". But that has nothing to do with it. I'm sure an ostrich...
- For the Commerce Heights match?
- Yes. An ostrich would definitely...
- You are simply on another planet, aren't you?
- Margaret - really! An ostrich would definitely work better than a chicken. It's a simple matter of size. Bigger is better. Commerce Heights is ranked 8th in the world. Scrap the chicken, bring on the ostrich.
- There are so many things wrong with that statement, I hardly know where to begin.
- Then don't. Moving on to the Ravenspire match...
- Moving back to the Commerce Heights match - there will be NO ostrich. First, bigger is not necessarily better. Second, the chickens work because the ceremonial sacrificial supplication to the random number gods calls for chicken. Third, I can't carry an ostrich.
- We could get you some help...
- Do shut up. Fourth, I have a chicky debonnin' thingy. I do not have an ostrich debonnin' thingy. Don't even know if they make one.
- Not a valid point.
- Neither is using an ostrich for the Commerce Heights match.
- Okay, then. Okay. Now, about Ravenspire - how about an auk?
- That would be..."auk"ward.

*...ba dump...*

- No, really. An auk is just the thing
- Perhaps, just perhaps, I shall fricassee an auk and force you to eat it, ya big dope.
- Margaret!
- No, I'm serious. An ostrich. An Auk. What goes on in that little, tiny, pea brain of yours? Nothing at all? Or is there a detour due to construction?
- That's just rude, is all. Rude.
- Rude, I find, is often an appropriate answer to stupid.
- So you won't use an auk?
- No.
- And you won't use an ostrich?
- No.
- How about a moose?
- ...For the Runaway Moose match?
- Right! Runaway Moose - moose - see, it's perfectly logical.
- You need to get up now.
- What?
- You need to get up now, and start running. I'm giving you a 10 second head start. Then, I'm going to find you, and commence hurting you.
- Margaret!
- ...two, three...
- Don't be ridiculous. These are just ideas, just thoughts, to help.
- ...six, seven...
- We need something. This is gunna be tough. I don't think we can live by chicken alone.
- ...nine, ten.

*margaret gets up. the minister, with a sudden glint of understanding in his eyes, also gets up - and runs helter-skelter in the general direction of the mansion. margaret turns, looks us in the eye, winks, and strolls along after.*

DP

DOUBLE POST

WORLD CUP WATCH
Pre-First Round Edition!

RAY MCHALE: Hey folks, it's a special edition of World Cup Watch prior to the first round of World Cup 14 set to get underway in a matter of weeks. I'm your host Ray McHale, and--

BRUCE CORWIN: And i'm Bruce Corwin, World Cup 9 Wonderteam defender who's too good to have someone else introduce him.

EDUARDO ESCOBAR: And i'm not, but i'll introduce myself anyways.

RAY: Uh...yeah, those are the other people. Emphasis on other, me being the most important.

EDUARDO: I doubt it.

RAY: I think our salaries do all the talking.

BRUCE: [Looks genuinely offended.]

RAY: Right, where were we?

EDUARDO: Special edition of World Cup Watch.

RAY: Oh, right. Yeah, that's true -- because we've got the five new defenders of the Oglethorpian World Cup side. Ladies and gentlemen, Tim Sutton, Alfonzo Viaggo, Jesús Éclair, Maximillian Brown and Leonardo Green.

EDUARDO: Cameraman...CAMERAMAN!

[After a lengthy pause, the cameraman finally pans over to the five Oglethorpian defenders sitting in various talk-show style chairs.]

EDUARDO: Sorry about that. He's slow. The cameraman, I mean. Not Bruce.

BRUCE: [Blank stare.]

EDUARDO: Sorry. I had to get that in -- y'know, give you some crap.

BRUCE: I'm not talking to you.

RAY: Now, children.

EDUARDO: Let him poubt.

RAY: Alright, enough of you two. Jesús-

JESÚS: Ray-

RAY: ... ...uh, anyways -- Jesús, tell us about the start of your domestic footballing career.

JESÚS: Well, Ray, let me put it this way...it's shrouded in mystery.

EDUARDO: As in you're not going to tell us?

JESÚS: Hold on, Eduardo. Bruce, what's that word?

BRUCE: Edification.

JESÚS: Right. Edification. In the words of a great Lemmitanian broadcaster, for the edification of our viewers at home, let it be known that Eduardo Escobar has no ethnicity in him at all. Other than Oglethorpian of English descent. Where did you get a crazy name like Eduardo, anyways?

EDUARDO: That's slander! And everyone knows caucasian-Oglethorpians tend to choose very strange names. Look at Ruben van Mistletoe, or Hjortur Green!

JESÚS: Riiiight. Anyways, Ray -- I grew up in Kingsford, raised by two farmers. Real nice folks, but to put it plainly -- they were rednecks. Y'know, typical Kingsford country folk. Always had some hay in their mouth and were always fixin' some broken down tractor or lamenting over their pigs. Anyways, I was always told my parents sent me there to be raised -- and their wish was for me to live in Oglethorpia.

RAY: Understandable. Kingsford country life is hard -- very few of them Kingsforder farmers make it into the KPL. And most of them try to hide their past, but their hick-ness always shows through...

EDUARDO: How come you don't seem like a hick, anyways?

JESÚS: It's probably my Brazillican background. Y'know, there are like, no farms there. Or something. I think they only have hippy communes.

RAY: You're part Brazillican?

BRUCE: That would explain his dark skin.

JESÚS: Yessir. Anyways, I moved to Oglethorpia and i've been playing for SpVgg Stuttergart ever since.

EDUARDO: What a story. Raised on the plantations of Kingsford, finally making his way to play some Oglethorpian football.

RAY: You, my friend, are lucky. To put Kingsforder farmers plainly: "you know you're Kingsforder countryfolk when your house is mobile and your car out front isn't."

BRUCE: Oh, it never gets old.

RAY: No it doesn't. Well, hold on -- Jesús, where'd you get your last name?

JESÚS: I think we can all agree that my old name was pretty hick-tastic. I'll omit it for the well-being of viewers at home. I had always heard my father died of the greatest tasting eclair of all time -- some may say it's a morbid tribute to my father, but it's a tribute none the less. Hence, why I have assumed the last name of Eclair.

RAY: That's all fine and well -- in a strange manner -- but how about your first name?

JESÚS: I really can't tell you. Besides it being Brazillican.

BRUCE: ESTEBAN DE JESUS?

EDUARDO: Oh, I ought to SMACK YOU RIGHT NOW.

RAY: Jesús -- sorry, Jesús, but -- JESUS, Bruce. Are you stupid? Jesús just talked about his father. And Esteban de Jesus is a GUY. How could the two have Jesús, smart one?

BRUCE: Well, that's a good point. Sorry. It just seemed obvious, the name -- and his first name -- but since they're both guys -- yeah, i'll be shutting up now.

EDUARDO: Sorry, Jesús. Bruce has always been a conspiracy theorist.

BRUCE: THE MOON IS FLAT!

RAY: Hey, Bruce. If you keep it up we're going to have to kick you out.

EDUARDO: By the way, Ray -- where's Mike been?

RAY: Are you ignorant? He was eaten by a spider on live television.

EDUARDO: Oh, that was him?

RAY: ...

EDUARDO: That's too bad.

RAY: Yeah, it's because of people like you we don't hear about it anymore. Poor Mike White, his broadcasting legacy forgotten... ... hey, what was I talking about again?

JESÚS: Me, probably. The half-Brazillican SpVgg Stuttergart defending prodigy playing international football for my home country of Oglethorpia.

RAY: Oh, right. Well, good to know you're so wholeheartedly devoted to your country. Y'know, being Brazillican and all. Any intent to go back?

JESÚS: Not really. No relatives, and I like things in Oglethorpia just fine.

RAY: Do you ever keep in contact with your Kingsforder step-parents?

JESÚS: Them? They probably died eating possum, or some other poisoned roadkill.

RAY: Your step-parents ate roadkill?

JESÚS: All of those Kingsforder farmers do.

RAY: ...

BRUCE: Well, Jesús -- certainly an interesting story. Interesting indeed. But as you know, we can't completely dwell on you.

JESÚS: It's a damn shame, that. All the fans need to know is that i'm planning on representing Oglethorpia to the best of my ability. Plenty appriciative to live in this here country-

RAY: Ooh, was that a redneck slip?

JESÚS: NO.

RAY: Haha, just kiddin' anyways.

JESÚS: Oh...heheh. Anyways, yeah. OGLETHORPIA OVER KINGSFORD ANY DAY! Though I would like to dedicate my presence on my team to my step-parents in Kingsford and my real ones, wherever they may be. Or something.

EDUARDO: And...that's enough about you, Jesús.

RAY: Alfonzo-

ALFONZO VIAGGO: What? What the hell do you want?

RAY: Whoa, gettin' all defensive here?

ALFONZO: Well, I was taking a nap, figuring you were gunna consume all the time with that Jesús guy.

RAY: ... actually, no.

ALFONZO: Oh, all right then, shoot.

RAY: What's the best thing to you about being named to the Oglethorpian squad?

ALFONZO: Hmmmmm...probably all the babes i'll be gettin'.

EDUARDO: Alfonzo, I could've sworn you used to have an Italian accent.

BRUCE: A fake one, if I recall.

EDUARDO: Whoa, them's fightin' words, Corwin -- you gunna take that Alfonzo?

ALFONZO: Nah, it's all good. I'm past that point in my life now.

RAY: Hey, Leonardo -- i'm rather curious. Are you related to Hjortur Green?

LEONARDO GREEN: No, no i'm not. We just share the same last name.

EDUARDO: Curious. I read somewhere that you two were brothers.

LEONARDO: Oh, we are? Yeah, that sounds right. Brothers. Heh.

RAY: Y'know what's a shame?

EDUARDO: Tell me, Ray.

RAY: We're out of time. So for all the folks at World Cup Watch -- g'night! Here's to hopin' Oglethorpia kicks ass this upcoming first round.

Le LIBRE

Les Bleus will rely on the Manifesto

Les Bleus finished the 18th match day with a victory, putting them at the 1st place position of group 10 of qualifying. The three expected teams, qualified, placing Eauz first, Brazillico second and Europa Britannia third. The recent Manifesto seemed to have worked in giving Les Bleus a moral booster to finish in first. The coach though said he was surprised to find out that they finished ahead of Brazillico who went on a big tear, only to slow down in the later games.

…Zap!...

“… and in group 1 of the world cup is placed… Eauz, ranked #1. The second team is Sevcia ranked #13. Picked third is Total n Utter Insanity ranked 24. Finally Oddslavo, ranked 28th.

…Zap…

They have just finished the picks for the World Cup, and it appears that this one will be no disappointment for great plays. Les Bleus were, as expected put into the Group of Death, where they are expected to not fair so well. Though, it does not seem as if this group will be too bad for Les Bleus.

Sevcia: History is a little blurred, but it does not seem that Les Bleus have ever played against Sevcia. With a rank of 13, it is expected that Sevcia will be tough competition.

Total n Utter Insanity: Les Bleus have never faced off against this team in the past, but should be an interesting one, seeing as there has been tension between the two recently. Look for a very well played match between the two teams.

Oddslavo: ?

Predictions for Group 1 of World Cup 14
[code:1:1c423470d5]
1. Sevcia
2. Eauz
3. Total n Utter Insanity
4. Oddslavo
[/code:1:1c423470d5]

These predictions though do not count in the effect that a first place rank means for Les Bleus. Quite possibly, the curse of being first will result in Les Bleus coming last place, not advancing.

Turnia City Tribune

Associated Press Quick Flash

Dragons drop final game in qualifing, return to cheers...

In what looked early on to be a complete disaster, the Turnia National Team clawed to a 5-2-11 -11GD, 7th place finish in Group 7, to end their first ever WC qualifier. After being officially eliminated, HC Paul Odle rallied the team to a 3-0-2 finish, taking them out of the Group cellar. The term "interim" has been dropped as Paul was named the permanent HC for the next WC qualifier.

The Dragons gained valuable experience and the nation has rousingly applauded the team for never giving up. Yes, it is only a moral victory, but much hope lies ahead for the future.

Congratulations to the qualifiers and we hope to be among you next time.

APQF

World Cup 14 First Round Stadium Information
Brought to you by the fine folks at the Eclectic Lemming Corporation of Lemmitania: "State-owned since forever, it seems."
Makers of the famed Electric Lemming Chickenizer, the ChickA-Live Electric Chicken Deboner and the ELC Roadkill Rejuvenator!

Groups A, B and G will play in Oglethorpia.

VENUES:
GROUP A -- Amalgamated Stadium
GROUP B -- Bureaucratized Stadium
GROUP G -- Consolidated Stadium

Groups C, D, E, F and H will play in Kingsford.

VENUES:
GROUP C -- Bennar Salesde Stadium
GROUP D -- Stadium by the Sea
GROUP E -- TriNational Stadium
GROUP F -- Estadia del Reycastillo
GROUP H -- Eudis Byran Park

Detailed venue information is below, reproduced from the Oglethorpian-Kingsford bid thread. (http://www.nationstates.net/forum/viewtopic.php?t=136972&highlight=)

Oglethorpian Stadiums

Amalgamated Stadium

Location: Megalopolis City
Capacity: 108,234
Year Built: 1964 (renovated 1984)
Home Club: Megalopolis City F.C.

In the heart of downtown Megalopolis City, Amalgamated Stadium is nestled in the quintessant manifestation of Oglethorpian capitalism -- fitting for the football stadium named after the largest corporation in the Bureaucratic States. It is truly a feat that the white-collar workers of Oglethorpia's largest/capital city can support their local football club as devoutly as they do with all that goes on in Megalopolis City. A conglomeration of skyscrapers and a series of multi-tiered highways, streets and raillines, Megalopolis City seems a faceless and uninviting urban area -- but it's citizens are some of the fiercest supporters of their sports programs in all of the Bureaucratic States.

Amalgamated Stadium didn't always go by that name. Days prior to World Cup 9, the company sponsoring it -- Kuruma Motor Co. -- was bought out by the Amalgamated Motor Division, and with the company assimilated, Kuruma Stadium became Amalgamated Stadium by default. A stadium that dated back to Oglethorpia's World Cup 4 days, Kuruma Stadium had fallen into grave disrepair following World Cup 8. Now just barely 20 years old, the-pitch-fomerly-known-as Kuruma Stadium was ready for a renovation so that it might be in suitable shape to play home to the Wonderteam's home games in World Cup 9 qualifying (WC9 marking the first appearance of a Oglethorpian national side under the moniker of "the Wonderteam.")

Debuting in time for World Cup 9, Amalgamated Stadium saw its press boxes, eateries, general seating areas and pitch gutted clean -- to be replaced with brand-spankin' new facilities. Fans hardly noticed the 10 Little Shiny Credits they spent on beers and other overpriced foodstuffs -- the smell of a new, clean sporting facility was back, harking back to the days of World Cup 4 when Kuruma Stadium was first built. Whereas Amalgamated Stadium's precursor only seated just under 90,000 fans, the newly renovated Amalgamated Stadium seated a little over 108,000.

That was in 1984 -- and twenty years later, Amalgamated Stadium's maintenance crew remains devoted to refusing to allow the stadium to slip into disrepair like it did following World Cup 8. Truly a world-class venue, Amalgamated Stadium is frequented by the dominating club Megalopolis City F.C. while the Oglethorpian Wonderteam isn't making use of the stadium during World Cup qualifying before sold-out crowds.

---

Consolidated Stadium

Location: Polyesterhampton
Capacity: 104,761
Year Built: 1993
Home Club: Polyesterhampton F.C.

Consolidated Stadium is the newest of all the stadiums in the Bureaucratic States, with the inception of the Polyesterhampton F.C. football club in 1993 backed by rich Consolidated Industries financiers. As such, a good portion of money would be put forth to build the new club a state-of-the-art stadium that rivals Amalgamated Stadium in size -- just under 4,000 people short in capacity. The horseshoe-shaped Consolidated Stadium sits outside the suburbs of Polyesterhampton.

Polyesterhampton has been the smallest city in Oglethorpia for a great time -- after all, a city on an island south of the Oglethorpian mainland isn't an easy move to make. Its citizens don't mind though -- their city is home to the biggest food production company in all of the Bureaucratic States. That's as far as industry in Polyesterhampton goes; the city is mostly surburban sprawl and agriculture to support Consolidated Foods facilities on the island. Polyesterhampton is so laid back it's citizens hardly care about football -- though when the Cup rolls around, citizen's ears are sure to perk up.

Sponsored by Consolidated Industries, a vertible behemoth of food in Oglethorpia and within the lower-left quarter of the Emerald Heights, Consolidated Stadium is a sparkling facility that represents some of the best stadium architecture in the Bureaucratic States. As one reporter put it, "Consolidated Stadium is full of graceful curves, pretty glass spires, and is just really really shiny." The fact that an immense amount of money has been put into the home of Polyesterhampton F.C. shows. Consolidated Stadium was designed in stark contrast to Steerford's Bureaucratized Stadium; instead of standing tall over the pitch and casting a show over the width and breadth of the field, Consolidated Stadium is more curvateous and lets a great deal more light into the stadium -- reflecting on the city's sprawling low-lying surburban districts.

---

Bureaucratized Stadium

Location: Steerford
Capacity: 97,605
Year Built: 1973
Home Club: Steerford Utd.

Bureaucratized Stadium is sometimes called a disaster of stadium design. No matter how much money the Bureaucratized Media conglomerate put into the stadium, nothing could make the stadium look more natural by softening up it's rigid lines, or take away the visual sensation that its seating banks completely obscure the pitch from any sunlight at all. An eyesore from the air and as you walk into the stadium, Bureaucratized Stadium must be lighted both day and night so that the players may be able to see the pitch that sits under the high walls of the stadium.

Still, in the wake of it's eyesore of a stadium, Steerford Utd remains a well loved club among Steerforders -- all of it's 97,605 seats nearly (or completely) filled to capacity for the club's domestic games. While Bureaucratized Stadium is an anamoly in Oglethorpian stadium design, it serves it's purpose well and seats an admirable 97,605 shouting football fans.

Steerford rivals Polyesterhampton in its all-encompassing laid back attitude -- Bureaucratized Media lays claim to having the only notable skyscraper in Steerford. The city has preserved most of its wilderness, and the prevailing sport of choice is hunting. When hunting goes up against a United Football League match, though, hunting always loses out to a widespread love of the game in Steerford.

Kingsforder Stadiums

Bennar Salesde Stadium

Location: Toryo, Sterling County, Kingsford
Capacity: 71,248
Year Built: 2002
Home Team(s): Toryo Wolfpack (LEAF, KPL), UNIC (KDivAFA)

The newly constructed Bennar Salesde Stadium is one of three stadia used in the World Cup designed by acclaimed architect Noyo Hashimoto. It was build in 2002 and has been the host of UNIC and the Toryo Wolfpack since. It has held numerous big events, including the National High School Championship for two years in a row, as well as the most recent KPL finals and the opening game of LEAF's inaugural season.

---

Stadium by the Sea

Location: Thunderbird, Valdestower County, Kingsford
Capacity: 50,000
Year Built: 1977
Home Team(s): Thunderbird Rovers (KPL)

The second of three Hashimoto works, Stadium by the Sea has been described as the most beautiful stadium in the world. Named after the Castle by the Sea, built by hero Halifornius Tiberius in 1477, the stadium, build in 1977 on it's 500th year, has hosted the Rovers back into the days of the KFA, where they claimed 2 titles within it's walls. Designed to look like a sea vessel washed ashore, Stadium by the Sea's unique silhouette stands out against the glistening southwestern coast of Thunderbird.

---

TriNational Stadium

Location: Northern City, Folleys County, Kingsford
Capacity: 104,000
Year Built: 1998
Home Team(s): Elders (LEAF, KPL), IDEXO (KPL)

The largest and most famous stadium in Kingsford, TriNational Stadium, sponsored by TriNational Insurance, stands in the heart of Kingsforder Northern City. Northern City, though primarily in Kingsford, extends it's metropolitan area into Oglethorpia and Tanah Burung as well. It's sprawling metropolitan mass covers a diverse area of culture, which is what you will find in TriNational Stadium. Two languages are used for signs and writing, and it's a common occurrence to hear cheers and chants in 3, maybe 4 languages depending on the opponent. Truly an international stadium.

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Estadia del Reycastillo

Location: Barcoenfuego, Condado Debajo, Kingsford
Capacity: 98,032
Year Built: 1931
Home Team(s): Barcoenfuego (LEAF, KPL)

The largest city in "Los Tres Condados," Kingsford's Hispanic district, is the host to Estadia del Reycastillo, or Kingsford Stadium. Barcoenfuego's relaxed population sits right on the coast, on the closest point to offshore Toryo. The largely Spanish speaking population is highly devout to their football, and is notorious for being the wildest fans in the Emerald Heights. A constant roar for 90 minutes thunders through the stadium and sometimes shakes the city, often breaking thin panes of glass or setting off car alarms. Of course, no one is around to see this mayhem, as Barcoenfuego becomes a ghost town any time its team plays, whether it be home or away, everyone is watching on TV or at the stadium. Barcoenfuego also holds the record for largest away contingent, breaking it in RevTerr during a LEAF match.

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Eudis Byran Park

Location: Byrana, Trotting Pinwheel County, Kingsford
Capacity: 44,300
Year Built: 1989
Home Team(s): Trotting Pinwheel (LEAF, KPL), Byrana 1872 (KPL)

The final Hashimoto work, Eudis Byran park is nestled high up in the Byran range. Named for the local hero Eudis Byran, who led the friendly people to battle against the conquering Kingsforders, the park is designed to look like a traditional Byran building. The stadium overlooks the city of Byrana as well as its vast mountain range, and some say the best view in Kingsford is in the stadium. It has one open end and the seats only extend less than half the way around the pitch, so everyone can admire the breathtaking view.

First round matchday 1 scores will be telegrammed shortly.

Makinshakes presents....
The Ketchup Times!
Now you can eat your fries and read the latest headlines!

Melmond and Brazillico Now Officially Even
In the much anticipate rematch between once hated rivals Brazillico, both teams score one goal each. It was the first international match at the newly built national stadium, the Melmond Bowl. After joining forces to defeat the evil undead Gurg, the Melmond and Brazillico sides seem to be on much friendlier terms. For example, the Melmond National Team sent a get well card to injured Brazillico player Junior Socrates. The fans in Melmond City haven't forgiven the Brazillican players for ruining the last ever football match at historic Farmers Field. One fan threw their bowl of chili and hit the butt of Brazillico player Paul Hilario, thus making the Chili Bat a Chili Butt. The game's start was postponed as Hilario had to change shorts. During the game, Critandi Unne scored the lone goal for Melmond and Alex Cannon got the goal for Brazillico. The all-time record between the two sides is one win, one loss, and one tie for both teams.

Melmond Comes Up a Wee Short for Fourth Place
Melmond was able to extend their unbeaten streak to ten matches with their 2-2 tie against The Weegies at Dear Green Place in Mackintosh. However, they were overtaken in the standings by the win some, lose some, tie none team of EL CID THE HERO. The attack of both sides were great and the defence of both sides were awful. If it weren't for the good goalkeeping by each keeper, this match would have been a wild scorefest. The goalscorers for Melmond were Critandi Unne and Mornakh the Bloody Handed and for The Weegies Colin Ferguson and Martin Dunn. Melmond will be defending its Cup of Harmony title in its next matches.

Felix Coostatlwak to get Contract Extension
When Melmond was in the cellar of Group 10 after matchday 8, there were rumours abound that Manager Felix Coostatlwak was going to retire at the end of qualifying. However, the old man still has the moxie as he managed the Fearless Farmers to a ten match unbeaten streak. The Melmond Football Assocation rewarded him by re-signing the 74 year old Coostatlwak for another 4 years.

The Evil Umpire Players Defect to Snub Nose 38
After another loss on the road at Snub Nose 38, the players on The Evil Umpire National Team were not looking forward to getting pelted with rocks and garbage upon arriving. The Evil Umpire players were fed up with the abuse they got at home and refused to catch the plane trip home. The Evil Umpire players plan to apply for asylum in Snub Nose 38 and now its up to the officials of the Frost Free Borderlands to grant asylum. "We may have evil sounding names, but we are really nice people, we will be proud to be hooligans!" Vlad Hussein was quoted of saying.

Stupid double posts.