NationStates Jolt Archive

Audioscientists Mock Teh Spaams

A little over six hours ago, the ministry for Spaamanian Propaganda Against Certain Kinds of Nations Other than Belmore (SPACKNOB) issued a statement saying that a famous Audioslavian beer 'contained only 0.1% alcohol', and contained 'wombat faeces'. Unfortunately, SPACKNOB were not experimenting on Guinesh (the real drink of the 'slaves ;)) but were conducting their experiment on 'Audweiser', which, as we all know, is a type of bottled water made for frogs. SPACKNOB were right about one thing though; 'Audweiser' does indeed contain wombat poo, as it helps clear the frogs throats for when they need to go on television and advertise pissy american lager.

Audioslavia's Society for Quizzing Unintelligent Intelligeble Foreigners (ASQUIF) questioned one of the members of SPACKNOB, but the SPACKNOBber declined to comment, so an ASQUIF got the SPACKNOB drunk (in about three seconds, by waving a shandy-soaked beermat in front of his face, and showing him a picture of a malibu and coke, the Spaamanians favorite drink) and started asking him stuff. Apparently, SPACKNOB thought that Audweiser was a beer, and not a frog-refreshing beverage because it closely resembles Spaamanian beer like Festers and Castlespaam XXXX. Indeed, Festers itself contains not only wombat poo, but DNA of sheep. Why does it contain the DNA of sheep? Well, its because all Spaamanians are very used to having sheep's DNA somewhere about their person, which just goes to prove:

Spaamanians Shag Sheep!

ooc: *FOREHAND SMASH* balls in your court dude :D

Giant Zucchini crash out at Group Stage
Failed to recreate Lemmitanians' World Cup 10 feat
Experts say they posted too much

The blurb...

We are listening to Radio RejisCAST:

Idine Sala: Hejida listeners, I'm Idine Sala and you're listening to the only english-speaking radio station in entire Rejistania. Sirake Tekim and Elin Ri are again for us a few streets away in Sen-La-Sa~o to report about the deciding match in the group stage. Hejida Sirake, Hejida Elin!

Sirake Tekim: Hejida Idine!

Elin Ri: Hejida Idine, hejida listeners!

ST: we're here in the SLS Relekhati Stadium where the Orange-Blues meet Snub Nose 38 (pronounced as: lykajo, since we are in Rejis).

IS: Please take into account that not everyone here speaks rejistanian.

ST: Ah right, Snub Nose s~fir-ti a~et (OOC: this pronounciation is pretty close to the english one) then, for our listeners from abroad.

ER: This time, the Shaman is again in the stadium, officially and not disguised as player.

IS: Which shaman?

ER: The Shaman. he ended the scoreless draw curse of the Anti-Nazisand helped in several other games.

IS: That is mystical nonsense!

ST: Is it also mystical nonsense that the team against we are playing consists entirely of ghosts?

IS: mmmmh, k perhaps the Shaman will help.

ER: this time it is even possible to get to both rosters. Our Orange-Blues are: Nana Daki, the hero from the last final, the defenders: Jen "Jenji" Ji, Lyku I Kansu, Lata~n Gu and Kansu Sanan. In the midfield: Hana "karela'tes" Yla, Suijen Relek, Saka Syku and captain Inik Linkosa.

ST: You can't call Hana Yla karela'tes, the other national player with that name also came from Karela lines.

ER: There was one other Hana Yla in the national team before and he is also from karela, but he had no nickname. Hana Yla has for some reason the nickname "karela'tes"

ST: Why?

ER: Well, he played for Karela veran before and that team is called 'Karela'het' while Karela Lines is 'lines'het' so Hana Yla is 'from Karela' or in rejistanian: 'karela'tes'

ST: Crazy Karelians!

ER: You decide that. The forwards are: Milan "Tihrana" Tia~e and Jen "DeJaNil" Y.

ST: They are yet to hit the goal in this cup.

ER: Right, against Kesamti, they had no success and in the match against TnUI, Alan Belless scored for them. Perhaps it will change now. (short pause) Now for the roster of SN38: In goal: The astral aspect of Pancake, the defenders are: the Phantom of Yodel, the ghoul of Hanratty and the banshee of Cupcake. The midfielders are: the phantasm of Knuckles, the essence of Mack, the spirit of Neanderthal and the ghost of Horatio.

IS: The spirit of Neanderthal, does that also sound strange to you?

ER: Not if I want to keep my job. The forwards: The manifestation of Paddy, the specter of Malicious and the apparition of Spike.

IS: Unfortunately, our sponsors demand time, we'll be back soon.

(We skip the commercials)

IS: We're back and the match has just started, Sirake, Elin, what's up in SLS?

ST: The match is not as fast and aggressive as it used to be. Partly because the Phantom Hooligans are not that visible anymore.

ER: The Rejistanian midfielder Saka Syku nearly ran through a ghost.

ST: But despite this, the phantom Hooligans are playing surprisingly well.

ER: Rather because of this.

ST: what do you mean?

ER: You saw that in the 4th minute, <forward> had no problems to get past Lata~n Gu. I guess, Gu'he simply didn't see him.

ST: OK, it might be an advantage too be that translucent, but they have the big disadvantage of 'phasing out'.

ER: That is a big disadvantage, agreed.

(15th minute)
ST: That's Linkosa'he and Tia~e'he starting an attack, till now, the defense of Snub Nose 38 was present enough to prevent any good chances for the Orange-Blues.

ER: Tia~e has the ball, and quick passes between him and Jen Y let the defense of Snub Nose 38 look pretty slow. Until now, goalie Pancake wasn't seriously challenged. Tia~e'he in good position, he shoots, Pancake holds it.

(23rd minute)
ST: That's a good chance for the Snub Nosians. Spike with the ball, tries to get past both Kansu and I Kansu. Oh, he phases out, Spike of course, not I Kansu'he.

ER: Kansu get's the ball, The chance for SN 38 is over.

(39th minute)
ER: Tihrana again with the ball, he passes to Jen Y, back to Tihrana, he shoots, th ball goes through Pancake and into the goal. 1-0 for the Orange-Blues!

ST: The ball didn't go through Pancake, Pancake was thrown into the goal by the shot.

ER: Oh, I've never heard of such a thing in international games, but I guess ghosts aren't as heavy as real persons.

ST: Pancake is no ghost, he is an astral aspect.

ER: But I guess he is still lighter than a human.

ST: I'd guess so.

(47th minute)
ST: The first half ended. The gosts are still not vanished, but mostly spoiled their chances themselfes by phasing out. The Orange-Blues are leading 1-0.

IS: Again some words from our sponsors while the Hooligans get arrested, I mean, not the players but the cheerleaders.

(we skip the commercials again. Yes, RejisCAST became more reliable through more commercial funding, but at what costs?)

(56th minute)
ST: Substitution for Snub Nose 38: The Phantasm of Knuckles is either gone or totally transparent and Ben Dover decided to substitute the chi of Buddy for him.

ER: I guess the ghosts start to disappear and that is not good, each team has only three substitutions. If more than three ghosts disappear, SN38 has a clear disadvantage.

(67th minute)
ST: The Orange-Blues have again a good chance. A defensive error of Donut allows Y'he to get in good position. Y'he shoots and... hits the bar, Tihrana was in a good position and gets the reflected ball, he shoots it, Pancake is chanceless, XXXXXKKKKKKOOOORRRRAAAAAA! 2-0 for the Orange-Blues!

(87th minute)
ER: Bad luck for Snub Nose 38 it seems as if the fourth player disappeared, the ghost of Nail. They can't substitute another player for him.

ST: Not to mention, that Nail was already substituted for Paddy.

ER: The game is interrupted since a disappered player counts as an injury for the officials. The Shaman goes over the field and asks the Snub Nosians if he can help.

ST: It looks as if Ben Dover agreed, the shaman starts to dance and to chant, he tries to summon Nail again.

ER: It looked as if he has no success. He seems to give up.

ST: He talks to Ben Dover. We can't understand what he says.

ER: But you noticed that he doesn't need the translator, who followed him before?

ST: No.

ER: I guess Nail posessed his body and... yes exactly that reason is mentioned now via loudspeakers why he plays for Snub Nose 38.

ST: I guess that never happened in an international match!

ER: I agree!

(95th minute)
ST: The referee blew his whistle, the match ends 2-0 for the Orange-Blues. The Shaman falls to the ground, gets slowly up.

ER: He doesn't move like Nail anymore, he moves like the shaman again.

sT: More important: The Orange-Blues passed group stage and will be in the round of 16!
(at this time the connection breaks again, even corporate money can't do anything)

Rejis: :D

*as we walk past the news stand, we glance down at today's headlines - and realize we can barely make them out. we pick up a paper - a fairly difficult operation, since our hand has a tendancy to go through the paper. after a few tries, we spend our 1.5 vodka gimlets and, again with some difficulty, begin reading as we walk*

Scuttlebutt - Transparent Edition

Old Footballers Never Die - They Just Fade Away
Sen-La-Sa~o Stadium, Rejistania Mike Easter, aspn wire

A faint hope of moving any farther along in World Cup XIII faded away today, along with the Phantom Hooligans themselves, during a 2 - 0 trouncing by Rejistania. The only solace that can be taken from this match is that the loss was against the reigning Football Champions of the world.

Cold comfort indeed for Hooligan fans. After watching the Phantom Hooligans tear through qualifiers like an actual football side, to find them gone after the first round on two loses and a draw - well, it's rather a disappointment.

On the bright side, the Hooligan Cheerleaders were arrested by Rejistanian authorities! Perhaps they will remain confined for awhile, and stop embarrassing the entire nation at least temporarily.

The match...one can only say...well, we're not allowed to say that in print...so just fill in this blank with your favorite expletive: __________.

What was the cause of this latest defeat?

"They just didn't have any staying power," said Ben Dover, Hooligan Manager, "No staying power at all."

"They faded towards the end of the match," Eileen Dover added.

"They just didn't seem to be there. Just not there at all," was Justin Cases' comment.

"That was some really good chicken Bar-B-Q," said the Minister of Athletics, Olympics, and Alcoholic Beverages, "Went smashingly well with a cold "38 Special"!"

There was a short break in the press conference at this point while the Minister was chased 'round the podium until he made his escape out the emergency exit.

"Have to hand it to the Shaman." said someone only identified as "Margaret", "Quite a show of sportsmanship to allow Nails to use his body during the second half like that. My kinda guy."

Rumor has it that Chief Academician Albert Onestone spent several hours after the match in the office of The Guy Currently In Charge Of Stuff For The Frost-Free Borderlands Of Snub Nose 38 - after which he apparently disappeared as completely as the Phantom Hooligans he had coaxed back to this plane for what turned out to be not quite long enough.

The Hooligan Management staff also disappeared immediatley following the press conference. They left the following forwarding note.

"Please foward all mail to The Great Alkali Desert."

"Oh, that's just lovely." Bedistan Lions manager Johnny Lewis rolled his eyes as he began to slowly pace back and forth in his hotel room in Cockbill Street.

"What?" inquired assistant manager Jeff Whitehurst, who had dropped by to visit for a day, taking a brief break from his duties in TnUI.

"We're playing Europa Brittania next."

Whitehurst paused for a moment. "Slani," he finally responded.

"Slani indeed."

"Where's the match?"

Lewis grabbed a packet of papers lying on the nearby bed. "It's at--" he leafed through to the fixtures list. "This place." He pointed to the name of a stadium he couldn't hope to pronounce. "I don't speak Dwarfish."

"Well, I wish you luck. At least your team is managing some kind of performance. First time ever getting through the group stage undefeated. You better hope not too many of them retire, though." Whitehurst, of course, referred to the less-than-spectacular performance of the Bedistan under-21s, whom he was in charge of.

"It can't be that bad," Lewis told him. He sighed. "Oh, if only I could talk to my wife..." He glanced forlornly at his cell phone, which was utterly non-functional in Cockbill Street. "Think you can talk to her for me?"

"Not a problem." Whitehurst checked his watch. "Well, you'd better get some sleep and get ready for tomorrow. I've gotta get back on the boat now -- it's a long way to the airport."

As Whitehurst left, Lewis sighed again. Europa Brittania. Why, oh why, couldn't the Streeters have won their last match and possibly taken first place in their group instead? They'd still be tough, of course, but not this tough.

"Oh, that's just lovely." Bedistan Lions manager Johnny Lewis rolled his eyes as he began to slowly pace back and forth in his hotel room in Cockbill Street.

"What?" inquired assistant manager Jeff Whitehurst, who had dropped by to visit for a day, taking a brief break from his duties in TnUI.

"We're playing Europa Brittania next."

Whitehurst paused for a moment. "Slani," he finally responded.

"Slani indeed."

"Where's the match?"

Lewis grabbed a packet of papers lying on the nearby bed. "It's at--" he leafed through to the fixtures list. "This place." He pointed to the name of a stadium he couldn't hope to pronounce. "I don't speak Dwarfish."

"Well, I wish you luck. At least your team is managing some kind of performance. First time ever getting through the group stage undefeated. You better hope not too many of them retire, though." Whitehurst, of course, referred to the less-than-spectacular performance of the Bedistan under-21s, whom he was in charge of.

"It can't be that bad," Lewis told him. He sighed. "Oh, if only I could talk to my wife..." He glanced forlornly at his cell phone, which was utterly non-functional in Cockbill Street. "Think you can talk to her for me?"

"Not a problem." Whitehurst checked his watch. "Well, you'd better get some sleep and get ready for tomorrow. I've gotta get back on the boat now -- it's a long way to the airport."

As Whitehurst left, Lewis sighed again. Europa Brittania. Why, oh why, couldn't the Streeters have won their last match and possibly taken first place in their group instead? They'd still be tough, of course, but not this tough.

Strike Birds Face The Lowland Clans in Round of 16

Eagle's Nest vs. The Lowland Clans - Tomorrow!

The Eagle's Nest will play The Lowland Clans tomorrow at the Northset County Cricket Grounds in the Nest's first Round of 16 match. Coach Aefnen is pleased with his team and their play.

"Group play was much easier...well, calmer than last time. No murder and bomb attempts and wierd thngs like that. No RP machine explosions, and well, very calm this time around. The team is focused. Now, we have to play very well tomorrow, The Lowland Clans are ranked 6th in the world right now, we'll have to play our best."

So assuming we get past the Lowland Clans,how far do we go? Well, let's look at the games on this side of the bracket shall we?

Halfassedstates v Ravenspire - Vimesbairn National Stadium
Europa Brittania v Bedistan - K'haz'bak K'druz'ba D'gazh'dukh
Eauz v The Belmore Family - Vimesbairn Cricket Ground
The Eagles Nest v The Lowland Clans - Northset County Cricket Ground

Well, I'll say the following win and move on:

Halfassedstates vs. Europa Brittania
Eauz vs. The Eagle's Nest

In this case, I'd have to go with Europa Brittania and well that Eauz game wouold be tought to call, if we were able to beat Eauz we would lose to Europa Brinttania so, I predict we will lose in one of the next three games.
Definitive, I know. Besides this first time to make the round of 16 is a great learning experience and will allow the Birds to improve themselves for the next go around.


**This article was written by guest writer Sam Smith**

Le Libre

Les Bleus set to face off against The Belmore Family

The next match for Les Bleus will be against The Belmore Family at the Vimesbairn Cricket Ground in Les Bleus first ever Round 16 match.

For Les Bleus, this will be a test to how well they actually are at playing the game of football. Up against a strong team in The Belmore Family, Les Bleus must focus their attention on the match, and not let the crowd affect them. In the past loses to strong teams, Les Bleus have found that they didn't take control early in the match, to set the mood for the match. Les Bleus must concentrate on keeping the ball in the TBF zone, and prevent any chants from the crowds.

According to an Eagle's Nest writter, they have predicted that Les Bleus will face off against the Eagle's team.

Future possible match-ups could be as following:

Halfassedstates vs. Europa Brittania
Eauz vs. The Eagle's Nest

Europa Brittania vs Eauz

If Les Bleus can make it past The Eagle's Nest, they would have a major problem trying to get past strong teams such as Halfassedstates and Europa Brittania. Les Bleus have faced EB in Qualifying round, losing 1 - 0, and winning 1 - 0 against them, thus they would be no suprise for Les Bleus. Though, Les Bleus should not be looking too far into the future, for the next match could result in a morally destructive loss.

More news after the match between Eauz and The Belmore Family...

Le Libre

Les Bleus set to face off against The Belmore Family

The next match for Les Bleus will be against The Belmore Family at the Vimesbairn Cricket Ground in Les Bleus first ever Round 16 match.

For Les Bleus, this will be a test to how well they actually are at playing the game of football. Up against a strong team in The Belmore Family, Les Bleus must focus their attention on the match, and not let the crowd affect them. In the past loses to strong teams, Les Bleus have found that they didn't take control early in the match, to set the mood for the match. Les Bleus must concentrate on keeping the ball in the TBF zone, and prevent any chants from the crowds.

According to an Eagle's Nest writter, they have predicted that Les Bleus will face off against the Eagle's team.

Future possible match-ups could be as following:

Halfassedstates vs. Europa Brittania
Eauz vs. The Eagle's Nest

Europa Brittania vs Eauz

If Les Bleus can make it past The Eagle's Nest, they would have a major problem trying to get past strong teams such as Halfassedstates and Europa Brittania. Les Bleus have faced EB in Qualifying round, losing 1 - 0, and winning 1 - 0 against them, thus they would be no surprise for Les Bleus. Though, Les Bleus should not be looking too far into the future, for the next match could result in a morally destructive loss.

More news after the match between Eauz and The Belmore Family...

Le Libre

Les Bleus set to face off against The Belmore Family

The next match for Les Bleus will be against The Belmore Family at the Vimesbairn Cricket Ground in Les Bleus first ever Round 16 match.

For Les Bleus, this will be a test to how well they actually are at playing the game of football. Up against a strong team in The Belmore Family, Les Bleus must focus their attention on the match, and not let the crowd affect them. In the past loses to strong teams, Les Bleus have found that they didn't take control early in the match, to set the mood for the match. Les Bleus must concentrate on keeping the ball in the TBF zone, and prevent any chants from the crowds.

According to an Eagle's Nest writter, they have predicted that Les Bleus will face off against the Eagle's team.

Future possible match-ups could be as following:

Halfassedstates vs. Europa Brittania
Eauz vs. The Eagle's Nest

Europa Brittania vs Eauz

If Les Bleus can make it past The Eagle's Nest, they would have a major problem trying to get past strong teams such as Halfassedstates and Europa Brittania. Les Bleus have faced EB in Qualifying round, losing 1 - 0, and winning 1 - 0 against them, thus they would be no surprise for Les Bleus. Though, Les Bleus should not be looking too far into the future, for the next match could result in a morally destructive loss.

More news after the match between Eauz and The Belmore Family...

United Spaam Sports Weekly

The Biggest Flame Publication In The World Cup

Audioslavia Suffers From Dyslexia Epidemic

With misspellings like "Teh" and "Intelligeble", humanitarian groups are
increasingly worried about the state of the Audioslavian's intelligence. With
the average IQ currently at 43 at dropping, there have been a number of '
hypotheses as to why the Audioslavians are so dumb:

1. Audioslavians are widely known to shag their livestock,
including sheep, horses, koalas, and Audioslavians. This disgusting
behaviour, which Audioslavia has accused the Spaamanians of, which
again reflects their stupidity, as Spaam does not have any sheep, seems
to push the 'slaves down to the intelligence level of the creatures they
root.

2. Audioslavians seem to have a naturally low tolerance to alcohol,
as relected when ASQUIF interviewed and Audioslavian-born
SPACKNOBer. However, since the moronic 'slaves continue to 'drink' (if
you can say drinking Spaamanian water is 'drinking'), the brain cells
would naturally deteriorate quite quickly.

3. Audioslavians are crap at football, and it has been shown that
football talent is directly related to intelligence. The final proof of this will
be when Spaam kicks Audioslavia's arse in their Round of 16 match.

So what to do? There seems to be only one solution: to quarantine the
nation to prevent the spreading of this stupidity. A coalition of nations are
in the planning stage of quarantining Audioslavia, and the most popular
solution at the moment seems to be surrounding the nation with sheep
and other livestock, so that the 'slaves will be too busy shaggin' them to
get out.

OOC: :P

I forgot to add the venues for the matches in the Rejis:

Round of 16/vinali jo'ja
#1: Rejistania vs Lemmitania in the Sen-La-Sa~o Relekhati Stadium
#2: Svecia vs Gesamtkuntswerk in the Matix Veran Stadium
#3: Spaam vs Audioslavia in the Hanin Sekhika Stadium
#4: Liverpool England vs Antaeus Rising in the KaMaRi kaletri Stadium

Quarterfinals/vinali mji'ja

#5: Winner #1 vs Winner #2 in the Sen-La-Sa~o Relekhati Stadium
#6: Winner #3 vs Winner #4 in the Hades Lavamje Stadium

Semifinal/vinali xi'ja
Winner #5 vs Winner #6 in the Hetkali Hetlasane Stadium

Final/vinali
The final between the winners of the semi in Rejistania and Cockbill Street will take place in the Sen-La-Sa~o Relekhati Stadium

Sowhatsville News

Hurricanes stars under investigation!

HGC and HFA Confirm investigation after strange betting patterns uncovered!

Scandal has rocked the Halfassed Hurricanes camp hours before their second round clash with Ravenspire, as the Halfassed Gambling Commission confirmed that an investigation was underway into irregular betting patterns before the Hurricanes Vs Lions group match.

It is understood that sums of money in excess of 5 million Warks were bet on the match finishing 0-0 and on the Giant Zucchini's going out of the tournament. It is reported that the HGC passed the matter on to the HFA after CCTV in one of the betting shops recorded a relative of one of the Hurricanes starting players placing a bet of 250,000 Warks on the 0-0 scoreline.

The HFA confirmed it was in the process of speaking to the players, but it refused to comment on who was being investigated or what the options were for those allegedly involved.

It seems unlikely that the HFA will ban the 'suspects' from the game against the Ravens, but it is one option open to them.

The Hurricanes training session this morning was held behind closed doors, and manager Jarvis Smith refused to comment after the session was over.

1. Audioslavians are widely known to shag their livestock,
including sheep, horses, koalas, and Audioslavians. This disgusting
behaviour, which Audioslavia has accused the Spaamanians of, which
again reflects their stupidity, as Spaam does not have any sheep, seems
to push the 'slaves down to the intelligence level of the creatures they
root.
I really didn't want that image in my head.

Draw Made for World Cup:

Second Round: Liverpool England - Antaeus Rising
Quarter Final: Liverpool England/Antaeus Rising - Spaam/Audioslavia
Semi Final: Rejistania/Lemmitania/Svecia/Gesamtkuntswerk - Liverpool England/Antaeus Rising/Spaam/Audioslavia

Liverpool England face Antaeus Rising in KaMaRi kaletri in KaMaRi, Rejistania. This should be an easy task, the teams last met in WC12Q [I think]. Prediction: Liverpool England over Antaeus Rising, 2-1

They would then face Spaam or Audioslavia, a team they met in the Group Stages, definitely a tough task. Predictions: Spaam over Liverpool England 1-0 OR Liverpool England over Audioslavia 2-1

Should they triumph in the QFs, they face tough tasks, be it against any of the four teams. Predictions: Liverpool England over Svecia 2-0, Liverpool England over Gesamtkuntswerk 1-0 AET, Rejistania over Liverpool England 1-0, Lemmitania over Liverpool England 2-1.

Then, if the unbelievable happens, there is th final, which we will leave alone.

The Red Dot Informant

Victory in Play for Pride

COCKBILL STREET - One Red Dot may have been eliminated from the Cup, but that did not mean everything was at lost. One Red Dot showed regional neighbour Giant Zucchini a loss that meant losing everything.

One Red Dot displayed an impressive 2-1 win at K'haz'bak K'druz'ba D'gazh'dukh.

In the end, Halfassedstates and Bedistan proceed to the next round.

[code:1:e6a23f0abb]
Group G
Pts W D L GF:GA GD
1. Halfassedstates 7 2 1 0 2: 0 2
2. Bedistan 5 1 2 0 2: 1 1
3. One Red Dot 3 1 0 2 2: 3 -1
4. Giant Zucchini 1 0 1 2 2: 4 -2[/code:1:e6a23f0abb]

The tables are contrary to what had been predicted earlier and Giant Zucchini's unexpected slump is well....unexpected.

All right, time for the hosting votes results...

This is an official WCC announcement.

The hosts for WC14 will be...

Kingsford and Oglethorpia!

In joint second place, as backup hosts, come The Belmore Family / Audioslavia and Liverpool England / NEWI Cefn Druids.

Congratulations! And may the games go on...

Le LIBRE

Still Alive

In their first Round of 16 match, Les Bleus came out strong against The Belmore Family. Up against a strong team, Les Bleus were encouraged by other countries to beat TBF or else face the embarrassment of laughter.

In the first half, Les Bleus were put under a lot of pressure from The Belmore Family’s attacks, as in the first 8 minutes, TBF controlled the play in Les Bleus zone. Fortunately, with the strong defence, and help from Yeuseuv, Les Bleus kept TBF out of their goal. The strong TBF attack ended, as Yeuseuv kicked the ball deep into TBF area. Later in the match, Les Bleus found a hole in the TBF defence, David Joseuf an Eauz attacker, got through, and scored the first goal for Les Bleus at the 34th minute of play. Just before the first half ended, a TBF player going after the ball kicked the leg of Eauz mid-fielder Jacque Walker, sending him off for the rest of the match. There will be more information about him later.

In the second half, John Coeur took the place of Walker, and Les Bleus looked as if they knew the attack was supposed to occur. Les Bleus came out strong, keeping the ball in the TBF zone for over 20 minutes. During the 57th minute of play during the attack, Figeu received the ball, and took it to the net, scoring the second goal of the match. That put the stake in the coffin, and was an answer to the ugly play by the TBF player. The match would end at 2 – 0 advancing Les Bleus to the Round of 8. Les Bleus will be waiting for results from The Eagle's Nest/The Lowland Clans match.

As for Joseuf, Les Bleus doctors checked his leg, and say that nothing serious is wrong with it, but Joseuf should stay off of it for a while to let it heal. Doctors expect that things will be fine, but he might not play in the world cup, depending on how fast it heals.

Horace Gets Winning Goal

Eagle's Nest Moves On After 1-0 Win Over The Lowland Clans

**We bring you to the final 10 minutes of the game**

Commentator 1: Well, the game is tied 0-0 with 10 minutes left, and well, hey Bob, have you got that Lowland Clan Roster up yet?

Bob: No Jim, *Grabs a sledgehammer and beats on a box* The forum is too full and nothing pulls up. It doesn't matter none of them have scored yet. Adams got taken out after 38 minutes when he complained he was dizzy after that cheap shot he got from Belmore after they tied a few days ago.

Jim: True, oh, a shot by an unknown Lowland Clan forward goes left. Goal kick for the Nest.

Bob: How did The Belmore Family do?

Jim: Well, they are playing Eauz right now, no word on that game yet.

Bob: *puts down the sledgehammer and starts kickign the box* frickin piece of

Jim: Easy there we are on live TV.

Bob: *kicks box very hard* I think I just broke my toe.

Jim: Serves you right you know......wait, Horace is on the run, got a pass, and tripped right in front of the box. Direct Kick for the Birds.

Bob: The Lowland Clan is setting up a traditional wall.

Jim: Looks like Osprey is taking the kick. Strange. Oh, he kicks it towards Horace who's turned around.....quick grab the masks.

Bob: Too late!

**A greenish cloud starts to fill the stadium and the Lowland Clan wall falls apart, and the ball rolls through the carnage into the net.**

Bob: Horace Scores! Horace Scores! GOOOOOOOOOOOOOAAAAAAAAAAALLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLL

Jim: Easy there Bob. We got to last three more minutes. Well, the Clans aren't getting up...neither is the official...did he even see the goal?

Bob: The linesman did on the fiar side, it counts!

Jim: Great, the referee is getting up, and blows his whistle a few minutes early, well, I mean with the haze this game is over. The Birds move on! to face...well, we don't know yet, but they are in the round of 8!

We move on! And when we know who and where we play next, we'll make sure we let you know. Horace is the hero. Go Birds!

HSMG Newsflash

Hurricanes line-up as usual.

Despite the investigation into possible match-fixing supposedly involving a number of the first team players, Halfassed manager, Jarvis Smith has announced an unchanged side for the second round game against Ravenspire.
The line-up in full is;
Jennung - Boot, Riddle, Ducks, White - Perfect, Soap (c), Totti - Gregg, Sherwood, Marks.

HFA Chairman Peter Parks reportedly asked Smith to drop those players under investigation, but Smith has went against his wishes arguing that nothing has been proven as yet and that as every member of the squad is to be questionned over the affair, he would have to drop everyone, which clearly was not possible.

If the Hurricanes win to-day however, there may well be changes before the next match, especially if the HGC decides to go ahead with its threat of pressing charges on everyone and anyone involved in the scandal!

- OCC match report left to Raven!

Witless Wonders: Spaamanian's Flame-Retarded Media

A few hours ago, a famous Spaam newspaper attempted to fire a comeback at the Audioslavian media, who appeared to be kicking their ass.

First of all, the Spaamanians used the old primary school 'no i'm not, you are' comeback, with their claim that "Audioslavians are widely known to shag their livestock, including sheep, horses, koalas, and Audioslavians. This disgusting behaviour, which Audioslavia has accused the Spaamanians of". Audioslavian media dude Jeff Jurdoch was quoted as saying 'roflmao' when he spoke to our reporter Johnny Furlong over messenger earlier today.

In their second point, SPACKNOB mentioned that a SPACKNOBber interviewed by ASQUIF was born in Audioslavia. Unfortunately, both his parents were Spaamanian, and his long life in Spaam has resulted in his alcohol tolerance levels to almost Spaamanian levels, according to this chart.

[code:1:9616efc174]
National Chart of Alcohol Tolerance Levels

Heavyweight Drinker
/\
| Scots/Irishman
|
|
|
| Audioslavian Male
|
| TnUIan Male
|
|
| Lemmitanian Male
|
|
| Snub Nosian Male
|
|
|
|
| Belmorian Male
|
| Belmorian Female
| Audioslavian 3-year old schoolgirl with plaited hair and braces
|
| Spaamanian Male
\/
Lightweight Drinker
[/code:1:9616efc174]

SPACKNOB then went on to say that Audioslavia were shit at football....





'Slaves Bow Out to Spaam
Audioslavia fall at familiar hurdle

Once again Audioslavia failed to pass the second round of the world cup, proving their final appearance in World Cup 12 was just a big fluke.

The 'slave side, who had hit poor form recently, were out-played from the start, with Spaam scoring two goals inside the first half-hour. Audioslavia replied before half-time, but the abysmal form of their strike-force continued into the second half, and the score remained unchanged.

Final Score
Spaam 2 (Lighweight Sheepshagger 14, Lesbian Munter 21)
Audioslavia 1 (Jensen 43)

The Audioslavian media are surprised at the loss, although their has been one reason thrown about to account for this humilating defeat at the haands of the Spaams, as Bob Bobson says:

"Well, its all because we were playing each other on a neutral venue. If we were playing in Spaam, in a sport in which Audioslavians only had a passing interest, but Spaam were the world superpowers, then i predict we would have beaten them.. ooh.. 20-17?"

I've been Jeremy Jaffacake, g'nite bitches

ooc: ;) you win this time, wee-bull... :(

Amanda: Hello everybody, and welcome to...

Björn: K'haz'bak K'druz'ba D'gazh'dukh.

Amanda: ...for World Cup XIII second-round action! I'm Amanda Butt...

Chuck: ...and I'm Chuck Mitchell. And a special thanks to Björn Hammerhand for providing the name of the stadium today.

Amanda: Today, your Bedistan Lions have the misfortune of going up against perennial giants Europa Brittania.

Chuck: And despite Amanda's pessimism, this should be a great match.

Amanda: *sigh* Here we go again...

Chuck: The lineup for Bedistan looks like this: Fukushima in goal as always; Hockensmith, Matz, Kucharski, and Saravia on defense; Hanway, Palin, Roose, and Heidelberg in midfield; Neighbors and Vu up front.

Amanda: Here, I would normally give you the Brittanian lineup, but as there are no computers in Cockbill Street, I don't have access to that information.

Chuck: OK, enough chit-chat. The captains are coming to midfield, and...Saravia wins the toss, so the Lions will start on attack. Let's get this game rolling.

[4th minute]

Chuck: Number 7 advancing toward the goal...oh dear...NO, Fukushima's got it! Incredible save from Tabitha Fukushima!

Amanda: That should help relieve a little bit of stress, but it's still gonna be an uphill battle. Britannia on an attack not even one-tenth of the way through the match.

[9th minute]

Chuck: Free kick to the Brittanian number eight. He sends it upfield, number 4 takes it, and SAVED AGAIN by Fukushima! She is absolutely on fire today!

Amanda: If the match keeps going like this, though, our team's going to wear out very quickly. Tab's a great keeper, but even she only has so much energy.

[22nd minute]

Chuck: Palin moving up the center, but EB's number 9 with a nice tackle there. He passes it up to number 4, he shoots, and...this time she can't quite get hold of it! Goal to Brittania.

Amanda: Well, we held 'em off longer than I thought we would. I think we can still find a way back into this game, though.

[39th minute]

Chuck: Neighbors gets into the box, and...she's down! A merciless attack by EB's number 3, and the ref points to the spot!

Amanda: He's also calling 3 over...and...that'll be a yellow. I'm kinda surprised there, I thought that should've been a red for sure. Neighbors is struggling to her feet, I don't know if she's going to be able to stay in. Meanwhile, Gil Vu steps up to the penalty spot. He draws back...and shoots, but it's gathered by the keeper! Oh, a heartbreaking missed penalty for Vu there.

[46th minute]

Chuck: And there's the whistle to end the first half. So, Amanda, what are your thoughts on the match so far?

Amanda: The Lions have been doing surprisingly well, especially on the back line. Having only allowed one goal so far is pretty good, but they're going to have to pray that no more get through. The offense has got to step up; they've been near useless so far.

Chuck: Well, we're ready to start the second half, and here we go!

[68th minute]

Chuck: Heidelberg moving upfield...she passes to Neighbors, Neighbors takes a shot, rebounds off the keeper, Vu traps it, shoots, and SCORES! The game is tied!

Amanda: The goalie has his head in his hands, and for good reason. Vu's shot should've been saved quite easily, and now Europa Brittania have lost their lead.

[83rd minute]

Chuck: Brittania in a last-ditch attack mode, trying to regain the lead in order to keep this match from going into extra time. Number 14 is moving up the left side, gets past Heidelberg and Roose, fakes out Saravia, now going to shoot -- GOOOOOOOO-- no! Nope, apparently number 14 was offside, the goal will not stand, and the Lions will get a free kick. That's gotta hurt.

Amanda: Looks like this match is going to come down to endurance, Chuck.

[92nd minute]

Chuck: There's the whistle, and it's still 1-1 here at...

Björn: K'haz'bak K'druz'ba D'gazh'dukh.

Amanda: Thanks again, Björn. And so we will go into extra time for only the second time in our history. The only time this has happened before was in the World Cup 9 semifinal match against Ravenspire. Nil-all at full time, went into extra time, and the Ravens put one in to get the 1-0 victory. As we all know, we then went on to the third place match to get beaten by Liverpool England. Again.

Chuck: All right, then...here we go!

[103rd minute]

Chuck: Now it's EB's number 16 with the penalty kick. And...he fakes out Fukushima, but he sends the ball just too wide! Off the post and collected by Fukushima.

Amanda: Johnny Lewis, in case you're listening, Tabitha Fukushima needs a raise. Seriously.

[121st minute]

Chuck: And...there's the whistle! Brittania threatened several times in the last half hour, but just couldn't get anything done, and we're still tied at one.

Amanda: Which brings us to a new chapter in Bedistani international footballing history.

Chuck: Yes indeed, Amanda -- the match goes to penalties!

Carl: DUM DUM DUMMMM

Amanda: Who was that?

Chuck: Uh, that was Carl, our sound guy. Ladies and gentlemen, Carl Robinson.

*Carl steps out in front of the camera and waves*

Chuck: All right, now that that's over, let's go back down to the pitch.

Amanda: EB will open up the penalty shootout as number 3 steps up. He seems a bit nervous, but he takes his shot and puts it in.

Chuck: Bedistan gets its first shot now, and it will be penalty specialist Gil Vu to take it. He looks calm...takes his shot, and it's in the top right corner! 1-1.

Amanda: Now comes number 10. He's concentrating hard...takes it and Fukushima can't quite grab it. Two for Brittania.

Chuck: Here comes Neil Palin, recently returned from an injury sustained early in qualifying. He takes it to the right and the keeper goes left! We're tied at two.

Amanda: Neither team giving up an inch here. Number 6 steps up to the spot...and it bounces off Fukushima's leg and into the goal! Ref is letting it stand. 3-2.

Chuck: Striker Karen Neighbors up there now. She looks very frazzled, exasperated even. I think she's extremely tired, especially after that incident right before halftime. She kicks it -- a lovely shot over the keeper's head and down into the goal! Three-all.

Amanda: Which team will make a mistake first? EB's number 14 takes his kick...and again Fukushima just misses it. They're four for four.

Chuck: Next comes Morris McGarity, on for Roose in the first half of extra time. He's definitely one of the fresher players out there...and he totally bamboozled the keeper with that one! Four-four.

Amanda: My gosh, this is nerve-racking...Brittania's number 2 will take their fifth shot. He goes left, and so does Fukushima! She caught it! First missed penalty of the shootout!

Chuck: That means if Jennifer Matz can make this shot, we're going on to the quarterfinals. She calmly walks up to the ball. Looks left, looks right. The kick...the keeper dives...and he can't reach it! Into the back of the net it goes, and into the quarterfinals we go!

Amanda: Blue-and-silver-clad fans throughout the stadium are celebrating their heads off, and the EB players look crestfallen. One of the closest matches in World Cup history, and unfortunately for them, they were on the wrong end. Tough break for Brittania.

Chuck: So this means we'll be facing the winner of Halfassedstates v. Ravenspire in the quartefinals. It's our first trip to the quarterfinals since World Cup 9, and you can bet we'll be wanting to make a name for ourselves again. Of course, you can see the match right here on BSTV. So for Amanda Butt, Björn Hammerhand, and Carl Robinson, I'm Chuck Mitchell signing off from...

Björn: K'haz'bak K'druz'ba D'gazh'dukh.

---------------

After 90 minutes:
Europa Brittania 1 [<player#4> 22]
Bedistan 1 [Vu 68]

After extra time:
Europa Brittania 1
Bedistan 1

Penalties:
Europa Brittania 4
Bedistan 5

The Bureaucratic States Football Association in conjunction with the Kingsford Football Association has seen fit to notify World Cup entrants of the following link to further WC14 information.

WORLD CUP 14 CORPORATE SPONSOR
http://www.nationstates.net/forum/viewtopic.php?p=3073150#3073150

The Bureaucratic States Football Association in conjunction with the Kingsford Football Association has seen fit to notify World Cup entrants of the following link to further WC14 information.

WORLD CUP 14 CORPORATE SPONSOR
http://www.nationstates.net/forum/viewtopic.php?p=3073150#3073150

That gives me a "no posts exist for this topic" error...

double post

OOC:

Cursed forums.

It's on page 10 of the WC14 signup thread, then -- the link is below:
http://www.nationstates.net/forum/viewtopic.php?t=133124&start=180&sid=bc5caae17265f9d51e879ddf1b4e651c

Le Libre

Les Bleus vs The Eagle's

Les Bleus are up against a well known team in The Eagle's Nest, even though they have yet to play each other. This match should be a well played match on both sides, possibly even going into Free Kicks to finish the results.

This match is expected to be televised throughout the world, and fans are expected to be packing the stadium to watch these two underdog teams fight it out. Asking fans what they thought of the match, many said, I don't care who wins, I will just cheer for the one who wins, because they are underdogs in this cup. But, don't expect only fans like this, for Fans from both sides will be there with great pride, shouting words at each other.

This match should be a Great one!

2 poster :(

Le Libre

Les Bleus vs The Eagle's

Les Bleus are up against a well known team in The Eagle's Nest, even though they have yet to play each other. This match should be a well played match on both sides, possibly even going into Free Kicks to finish the results.

This match is expected to be televised throughout the world, and fans are expected to be packing the stadium to watch these two underdog teams fight it out. Asking fans what they thought of the match, many said, I don't care who wins, I will just cheer for the one who wins, because they are underdogs in this cup. But, don't expect only fans like this, for Fans from both sides will be there with great pride, shouting words at each other.

This match should be a Great one!

United Spaam Sports Weekly

The Most Annoying Publication In NationStates

Audioslavia Wins Argument, But Spaam Wins War

Audioslavia won the war on words, but Spaam won the war on the field,
downing Audioslavia in the Round of 16 in the World Cup. The
Spaamanians scored twice in the first half hour, thanks to Meren Lûin and
Nala Eromleb, while Audioslavia never looked good, though they managed
to score 43rd minute from a lucky corner shot, which was headed into
goal by Audioslavian right winger Callum Jensen. There were no goals in
the second half, so Spaam came out 2-1 winners, and proceeds to the
quarterfinals.

Spaam will be facing either Liverpool England, who came through top of
their group, or Antaeus Rising, whom Spaam beat 2-0 in the group stage.
As these two teams are ranked 28th and 32nd in the world, Spaam seems
to have the advantaged, but they will have to play better than they have
ever played to proceed. Though Antaeus Rising may be the easier
opponent, coach Méla Sëhelin said that she'd rather the team play against
Liverpool England, as the two Heartland nations have a long history
together, and will prove to be a great match. This editor will be backing
Liverpool England, so that at least one Heartland nation will make it into
the semi-finals.

Team Surprised - Antaeus Rising 2 Liverpool England 0 [Liverpool England eliminated from WC13]

the editors, in protest of the match, have decided no publication would be made today.

Antaeus Rising 2 [<player 4> pen6, pen8]
Liverpool England 0 [Dirosa s/off 6, Hadji s.off 8]

JM: And we're back. Joining me now in the studio is Kaede Kitsuki, manager of the Ravenspire Ravens, and her wife, Amara Akizuki, a former striker for the Ravens. They're back in the country -- just back, after a long string of matches -- following the team's latest match against Halfassedstates. Glad to have you with us, Kaede, Amara.

KK: We're glad to be here, Jean.

JM: Allow me to cut to the chase, since I'm sure our viewers are wondering... The Ravens have had a very good year for a team without a single veteran player. How did you do it?

KK: I don't think you should be giving me the credit for that, Jean. It's the players who've managed to pull through.

AA: Since when were you ever modest?

KK: (laughs) It's true. They're a good bunch. But that by itself wouldn't be enough. We got very lucky in qualifying. We had a winning record, but not an outstanding one, and our losses came to the veteran powerhouses. With the exception of Kingsford.

AA: They underperformed this year.

JM: Much like the Ravens last time around?

KK: Don't remind me... I'm just glad we've shaken that image. But as I was saying, we got lucky because the sides that beat us, Svecia and Tanah Burung, both drew several matches. That let us recover before we'd fallen too far behind.

JM: But it could easily have gone another way.

KK: If Kingsford hadn't mysteriously collapsed, if Svecia or Tanah Burung had won a match or two instead of drawing...

AA: If Alpha Complex hadn't been in our group...

KK: Yes, those were some of our biggest wins.

JM: So you managed to squeeze through to qualify.

KK: It seems as if our theme this year is managing to squeeze through. The first round was pretty nerve-wracking.

JM: You faced Oddslavo first.

KK: Right, a scoreless draw.

AA: Which actually wasn't a bad showing for the Ravens, considering. The defense held together well.

KK: Harrington's showing more of his talent lately, and Fox and Marx both played their hearts out that match.

JM: Followed by an engagement against our former co-hosts, Europa Brittania.

KK: I remember that Cup well. I was looking forward to playing them again. Unfortunately, we didn't improve our record against them with that 2-0 loss.

JM: Europa Brittania are two-time world champions, aren't they?

KK: They are, and their play definitely showed it.

AA: Going in, I figured that would be the hardest of the three matches.

KK: I'm convinced our squad has the talent to win, though... perhaps next time, now that they've got a little more experience under their belts.

JM: That left you at the bottom of the group as the final match came along.

KK: Right. We were facing Cockbill Street.

AA: That was the match I'd pegged for the easiest... well, maybe that's misleading. The least difficult. That's only because Cockbill Street's squad doesn't have the experience and tradition of Oddslavo or Europa Brittania. They've done well in recent years, though. You saw how quick they were to take advantage of the Ravens' light midfield.

KK: We were lucky enough to score a goal early on, though, and they really wanted to equalize. They would have gone through even with a one-goal loss, mind you--

JM: I guess a true athlete isn't prepared to settle for 'good enough'?

KK: Well, they pressed us hard enough. Harrington was outstanding in the goal, though. He gauged it right every time.

AA: Cockbill Street got so wrapped up in offense that somehow Kyria Chase eventually found herself in possession with a clear shot. She landed it nicely, and that turned out to be the deciding factor.

KK: (nods) We barely slipped through again.

JM: And what about yesterday's match?

KK: It's still today's for us, thanks to the time differential... but, as you know, we were up against Halfassedstates. They'd been very strong in qualifying and the elimination round--

JM: What about the scandal?

KK: I don't attach any credence to that. Anyway, they fielded their usual lineup.

AA: Good thing, or some of your strategies would have been useless.

KK: They nearly were anyway. Halfassed were playing a tough game right from the start, and they took an early lead. After that first goal, things degenerated into an endurance match. Everyone was playing all-out, trying to stay right on top of things.

AA: Maki Shizura practically collapsed in the locker room afterward.

KK: I was going to substitute her at the half, but she wouldn't hear of it. And, you know, you have to have faith in your players' judgments. She didn't play like she was exhausted, and she hung in there for the whole match.

JM: Which was longer than usual, wasn't it?

AA: Yes, it went into extra time.

KK: I was happy for that. After they'd opened up that 2-1 lead in the second half, I was starting to think that was it, the way their defense had been staying on top of things. But Maki found a gap in it, and Felicia Smythe and Andrea Hardy turned that into a goal for us. Ten minutes later, we were going into extra time with the score still tied.

AA: Setsuna Shirosawa scored right away in extra time. I guess she took them by surprise, charging in like that. Sort of an instance of an attack so basic it could never work, so they never expected anyone to try it, so it worked. Or maybe they were expecting some trick that never materialized.

KK: That would fit, with some of the things we'd been pulling in the qualifiers.

JM: But that wasn't going to last.

KK: No. They came right back and kept hammering us until finally they slipped a goal past Harrington. There was some more back-and-forth play after that, but the ball stayed pretty constantly in midfield.

AA: We went into penalty kicks, which hasn't happened that often for the Ravens.

KK: I think it really came down to which side's goalkeeper was more tired from all the attacks, at that point. One misjudgment can seal the match.

AA: The first set of penalty kicks didn't help; we were still drawn.

JM: But ultimately, the Ravens pulled ahead.

KK: On the seventh kick, yes. That's practically the narrowest possible margin of victory, but we managed to go through again.

AA: So now we're set to face either Bedistan or Europa Brittania--

JM: Oh, you didn't see the reports yet? It's Bedistan.

AA: Ah.

KK: I kind of regret not getting the chance to face Europa Brittania again, but our record's better against Bedistan. Not that that means much, with a new team.

JM: Any thoughts on what lies ahead?

KK: Well, it's not going to be easy. Bedistan's side is a perennial contender, and we're rebuilding. We've done better than I could have hoped, but winning this match would be an uphill fight, no doubt about it.

AA: So of course the team is looking forward to it.

JM: We're almost out of time, so one last question--

KK: (laughs) As long as it's not asking me to predict the future, go ahead.

JM: There's a rumor that a club in another nation is interested in Joy Ng. Is there any truth to that?

KK: It's my policy not to talk about matters like that, but I will say that her contract is up at the end of the year. If she decides to take up an offer, I'm sure everyone on the team will wish her success.

JM: Kaede Kitsuki and Amara Akizuki, ladies and gentlemen. Join us tomorrow when we interview shock rocker -- and former candidate for Minister of State -- Akiko Mondain!

United Spaam Sports Weekly

The Most Annoying Publication In NationStates

Group Stage Rematch In Quarterfinals

With Antaeus Rising's SHOCK win over Liverpool England (:() and
Spaam's victory over Audioslavia (its ok, you'll win next time ;)), it looks
like there will be a rematch of their Group C match in the quarterfinals.
In that game, Spaam dominated the 32nd ranked Antaeus Rising 2-0, and
after beating Audioslavia, ranked 2nd in the world, the Spaamanians look
like they have the advantage. However, this means the pressure will be
on Spaam, as Antaeus Rising have hardly RPéd throughout the cup, and
so performance is not an issue with them. Win or lose, however, Spaam
has done brilliantly, and the entire nation is proud.

In other matches, Spaam will be backing their Heartland neighbour
Gesamtkuntswerk to win their quarterfinal match against Svecia.
Gesamtkuntswerk and Spaam are the only two Heartland nations left in
the cup, and so hopefully at least one of them will proceed into the
semifinals. If Gesamtkuntswerk win, they will be facing either the hosts
Rejistania, or fomer world champions, Lemmitania, in what would be the
toughest match of the cup. Make us proud Gesamtkuntswerk!

Idine Sala: This is Radio RejisCAST, I am Idine Sala and we're back from the commercials to broadcast from the second half of the extra time in the match between Rejistania and Lemmitania. Hejida Sirake, hejida Elin.

Sirake Tekim: Hejida Idine, hejida listeners. Elin is unfortunately not here.

IS: why?

ST: He did during the commercials what everyone does and still isn't back.

IS: He went to the bathroom?

ST: Exactly.

IS: Even if people do it, our sponsors don't want us to mention it. It would destroy our image.

ST: I see that you also was quite good with it by telling about internal guidelines.

IS curses in majuvedian

Elin Ri: Hejida listeners, sorry for being late.

IS: May I remind you that your work as moderator includes being in time?

ER: May I remind you that my job description still says nothing about moderation? I am still a 'troubleshooter'. But well the second half extra time just started.

ST: The score is still 2-2. The Orange-Blues scored in the 30th and the 68th minute.

ER: The first goal was by Jen Y, the second by Milan 'Tihrana' Tia~e, the Lemmitanian goals, well, I can't pronounce the names of the scorers.

ST: Talking about Tihrana, you should perhaps explain that it means 'the tiger' since not everyone knows rejistanian.

ER: If I were so pedantic as you are, it could drift into a discussion about classificators and their lacking. It is 'tiger'.

ST: You're right

ER: I never expected that sentence from you.

ST: We should talk about the match: The Lemmitani'he's are challenging the Orange-Blue defense, but they do not allow any good chances. Unforutnately, they aren't good offensively.

ER: The substitutions of Hexen Imdila were a bit well, unlucky. He expected the game was won when the team was leading 2-1 and made tactical substitutions, which were not the best.

ST: Right, the Orange-Blues played some bad System Karela and after the equalizer was scored, they had problems to switch back.

ER: System Karela with the occasional chance of DaJaNil or Tihrana.

ST: I was surprised that Tihrana was selected into the national team, but he really did a good job.

ER: It surprises me however, that he still plays for Relegation Ihiri.

ST: Relegation Ihiri? You mean Ihiri Relekhati!

ER: Yeah, but since they were close to Relegation at the start of this season, they had this name. I *know* that they finished third in the divisasi ligat'ra heven mje'het.

We should talk about the match now, a good attack of Lemmiania again, oh, Seda Kansu fell on the grass, <forward> has no problems to get past him, he shoots
(at this time the faulty connection again broke down and gratefully prevented people to hear of the deciding goal for Lemmitania. The final score: 2-3)

VILÄMNA DAGENS NYHETER

SVECIA UPSET GESAMTKUNTSWERK 4-3 IN OVERTIME
Golden Goal by Solskjaer an impressive finish to Lightning comeback
Onsdag 21 April, 2004

VINALI JO'JA, Rejistania - It might have looked hopeless to the Svecian crowd watching the match live and to the millions of viewers back in the home country, but somehow the Lightning offense came through for the second game in a row.

Down 3-1 at halftime, it was Hanan Belagt who gave his team life in the second half, dribbling from the center circle to deep into the Gesamtkuntswerk box before being stripped of the ball. But as the ball bounced away from the goal, it was Olaf Swatch who one-timed the ball past a helpless keeper at the 65th minute mark.

Still, Svecia looked like they didn't have a chance of moving on. And the Gesamtkuntswerk fans had started to celebrate as their team was the dominant team even into the last ten minutes. But once again it was Belagt, on a perfect feed by Solskjaer in the 88th minute, who took the ball on a one-on-one breakaway with the keeper, and this time managed to hold onto the ball as he triumphantly placed the ball underneath a sprawling keeper.

Overtime it was then. Gesamtkuntswerk failed to keep their commanding lead over the underdog Lightning, and just like that it had evaporated.

But up until Swatch's goal in the second half, and even after that, Gesamtkuntswerk had controlled every aspect of the match, holding the ball 62% of the time and outshooting Svecia 7SOG to Svecia's 3 SOG. Gesamtkuntswerk had scored in the 8th, 14th, and 31st minutes of the match, with Svecia's lone goal in the first half coming in the 38th minute.

So going into overtime, Svecia had a huge momentum swing carrying them. That and the yellow half of the crowd was making a lot of noise. Despite the Gesamtkuntswerk side still controlling the overtime period, it was Svecia who created chances evertime they had the ball in their offensive third.

Finally, though, in the 99th minute of the match, Fransisco Carati found a wide open Mikael Solskjaer on the far side of the penalty area, and lofting the ball just over the defense, Solskjaer found the ball with his head and bounced it into the open net.

Svecia's amazing run in the World Cup final has hinged on their offense's play, with eight goals being scored in the last two matches, both being extremely important matches.

Their quarterfinal match will once again hinge on their offensive performance, but the Lightning defense will need to step it up a notch if they hope to have a chance of defeating the better teams. Svecia's amazing run this year has been a magnificent show of resolve by a team that was predicted by some to not make it out of qualifying, predicted by many to not get through the first round, and predicted by almost all to not have a shot at beating a solid Gesamtkuntswerk in the second round. Can the Lightning continue their underdog run? The Svecikans certainly believe.

Sowhatsville News

Four Hurricanes players charged with match fixing as Smith resigns.

Jarvis Smith stepped down to-day as manager of the Halfassed Hurricanes as 4 of his WC squad were charged with match-fixing.

After losing out agonisingly 7-6 on penalty kicks to Ravenspire, the day went from bad to worse for Smith as the charges against the players were read out by a court spokesperson in Whogivesa County Court. First team players Madge Boot, Peter Perfect and Ewan Totti along with squad member Adam Marks where charged with 'fixing' a match result and benefitting financially from the same.

It is believed that Boots husband, Max 36, was the person caught on CCTV betting a large amount on the result of the game, while Perfect and Totti reportedly received 'gifts' from the head of a major Getoverit based casino. Mark's situation seems slightly different, it is beleived the investigation around him his mainly based on the fact he started the game up front and proceeded to fail to get a shot on target during the match. It was also agreed by main pundits that he played 'below par' or just generally 'sh*t'.

After the charged had been relayed to the Hurricane camp, Smith apparently went to Peter Parks and handed his resignation to the HFA Chairman.
In a brief statement, Mr Parks said, "I can confirm that Jarvis Smith has decided to step down as manager of the Hurricanes. He has lead Halfassed to 5 WC finals now and he feels he has done all he can. We at the HFA would like to thank him for his dedicated service during the previous 16 years and wish him all the best for the future"
When asked if the resignation had anything to do with 'other current events', Parks simply replyed "No".

Smith had an impressive record as Halfassed manager after taking over from Sir James Munro at the start of qualifying for WC9, winning over 62% of the games he was in charge of, compared with Munro's figure of 58%.
[code:1:082da897e7]
P W D L
Munro 55 32 11 12
Smith 96 60 19 17[/code:1:082da897e7]

At the moment, it is not known who is in line to take over at the helm for Halfassed, under-21 coach Peter Piper is still under contract with HFL side the Borderers, but he gets on well with Chairman Parks, and has been installed as early favourite by the bookies. Whoever it is, they will have a massive rebuilding problem, as the majority of the current squad are unlikly to continue into the next cup.

WC14 Rosters -
http://www.nationstates.net/forum/viewtopic.php?p=3077618#3077618

Liverpool England fined L£10 million

Liverpool England was slapped down with a heavy fine today after the results of last nights match against the Antaens, in which 2 LE players were sent off and 5 more got yellow cards. The Antaens suffered 3 injuries at the hands of Liverpool Englands bad tackles.

Coach Phil McCracken had this to say after the two nil drubbing of LE.

"I'm glad we won, we deserved to after all their rough tactics. Liverpool England are a disgrace to the game. Dirosa and Hadji should be banned for life after what they did. I want to see some tough action from the WCC or we shall be taking this to court."

Le LIBRE

Wonderful match, ends in favour of Les Bleus

In a match expected to be one of the best of the world cup, proved itself to be so. The match between Les Bleus and The Eagle’s started off with The Eagle’s in control of the ball. In the first 10 minutes of play, The Eagle’s put 7 shots on goal. At the 8th minute, one of those shots finally went into the Eauz goal by Horace of The Eagle’s, put them up early, and placed a lot of pressure on Les Bleus to score. Les Bleus would come back with their attacks, but they resulted in nothing. At the first half break, Les Bleus found themselves down 1 – 0, facing the idea of elimination.

In the second half, play got rougher, as Les Bleus fought for the ball, and kept it out of their zone. Star player for the Eagles Josh Adams, was not playing up to par for his team. In group play, he suffered an injury, and was trying to come back from it. His injury was a result of a cheap shot, which Les Bleus know about (i.e. Rousseau) by the Alan Belmore. At the 56th minute of play, Les Bleus scored a goal on the Eagles, giving them the tie with less than 40 minutes to play. During a corner kick, the injury which was affecting Adams brought about the end of his time in this match, as he landed awkwardly coming down from a jump. He left the game, not expecting to come back anytime soon. If the Eagle’s advanced, he would not be playing in any of those matches. At the 78th minute of play, Les Bleus got control of the ball, scored on a long kick over the head of the keeper. The fans for Les Bleus were crazy, as they screamed and shouted. The horn blew meaning a goal, and everything was crazy. As things settled down, the Eagles came back with an attack, but Yeuseuv was there to save the shot. Nothing else would result from that, as Les Bleus went on to win the match 2 – 1.

With the win, Les Bleus advance to semi-final to play against the winner of Ravenspire and Bedistan. But the deeper Les Bleus go in the World cup, the harder the competition gets, and Les Bleus will have to look deep inside themselves to continue the streak

As for Josh Adams, he will be re-examined by his team’s doctors, but is not expected to achieve any great recovery in the near future. Though, it is better that the Eagle’s lost, because then they can rest their players, and prevent any injuries from occurring and get ready for the next world cup.

Finally, some match-ups for this world cup…

Lemmitania vs Svecia  Quarter Final
Spaam vs Antaeus Rising  Quarter Final

Eauz vs (winner of Bedistan/Ravenspire)  Semi-final

No matter the result though of the next match, Les Bleus we be guaranteed to play in a medal match, if that is for first, second or third. No matter though, Les Bleus have played very well, and have shown a great improvement since the days they were being beat by great differences.

The Bedistan Sports Digest

Lucky Number Thirteen
After sixteen years of semi-obscurity, the Lions are back in full force

COCKBILL STREET -- Bedistan supporters were somewhat antsy going into today's World Cup XIII quarterfinal matchup against Ravenspire. The Lions had only managed to defeat Europa Brittania in a penalty shootout -- though, admittedly, the Ravens also had to go through that ordeal against Halfassedstates, and theirs was even longer. Bedistan and Ravenspire had met twice before. Not many people remember their first matchup, thirty-two years ago in Tanah Burung during the first round of World Cup V. Miraculously, the upstart Lions were able to hold Ravenspire to a 0-0 draw that day. A decade and a half passed before the two teams met again, on a pitch in Europa Brittania for a World Cup IX semifinal match. That match was the first one that ever went into extra time for Bedistan, and unfortunately it worked against the Lions, with Ravenspire pulling out a 1-0 victory and again condemning us to Liverpool England. With this less-than-spectacular record, many fans expected the Lions to bow out in this year's quarterfinals.

But it was not to be. Though cat and bird alike fought hard for the full ninety minutes, when the dust had cleared, the Lions would emerge victorious by the score of 3-2. Again, celebrations rocked the Eternal Federated States, and in fact the government has all but lost control of Southeast Island, West Jativa as a result. But the President didn't seem to care, as she was too busy holding her own celebrations.

And so in the semifinals lies a very interesting opponent. It is not often past the group stage that the Lions meet a team they have not previously faced in their over 30 years of play. But the time has come for them to face Les Bleus d'Eauz. Eauz has never reached these dizzying heights in international football before, although we should note that Les Bleus were picked by several publications before the start of the Cup to win it all. Having reached the final four, that is now a distinct possibility. But you can bet that Johnny Lewis and his Lions will not make that task easy.

We have been unable to get any comments from Lewis or the players because of the fact that they are all busy watching videotapes of recent Eauz matches to get a feel for the team's style. We wish the Lions the best of luck. Having at last returned to the semifinals for the first time since World Cup IX, they are not ready to give up now, and perhaps lucky 13 is the Cup they will finally win after falling just short of the mark at home twenty years ago.

We interrupt your regularly scheduled whatever to bring you an important World Cup 14 message.

For the 94 participants of World Cup 13 that are no longer in World Cup 13 and wish to get a move on World Cup 14 RPing, Oglethorpia and Kingsford have seen it fit to start a Pre-World Cup 14 RP Thread. (http://www.nationstates.net/forum/viewtopic.php?p=3078738#3078738)

The jist of the thread is for those who are anxious to be RPing again -- the synopsis of it's purpose is as follows.

Go ahead and post the lead-in RPs to World Cup 14 here -- be it player changes or squad changes, or anything else you can think of. I bet you're all ready to get RPing again with World Cup 13 in it's last days. We know full well 94 of the 102 participants are no longer in the Cup, and are ready to get movin' on the next World Cup to be held in the Emerald Heights.

Once again, the link is here. (http://www.nationstates.net/forum/viewtopic.php?p=3078751#3078751)

The thread will become defunct following the conclusion of World Cup 13 -- when group draws are posted in a new World Cup 14 RP thread. In the meantime, you can use the above links to go to the Pre-World Cup 14 RP thread.

Finally, an important message detailing the evils of deleting double posts. (http://www.nationstates.net/forum/viewtopic.php?p=3078751#3078751)

We now return you to your regularly scheduled whatever.

Le LIBRE

Les Bleus set to play the Lions

In the match between Bedistan/Ravenspire, the Bedistan team proved to be the stronger team, advancing to face off against Les Bleus. Never in Les Bleus history, have they been up against this team. Though, most of this world cup has been against teams Les Bleus have no record against. Les Bleus though, should not take this match as an easy one, for Bedistan has played qualifying rival Europa Brittania, and beat them as they advanced through this world cup. Bedistan is an experienced team, having hosted a world cup, and reached this area in World Cup IX.

This match will be played without mid-fielder (attack) Rousseau as he will be out with an injury, leaving Les Bleus a bit short handed. Fans of Les Bleus are expected to be in large numbers. Les Bleus must use this moral booster to play well, but Les Bleus cannot get frustrated if they give up an early goal, or get in a hole early.

The pressure though is very large for Les Bleus, because they have the pressure from their fans, which would love to see them win, but also to bring home the cup, to Eauz and also the region of Emerald Heights, where Oglethorpia and Kingsford will be hosting it. The critics though, are hanging their heads, as most expected Les Bleus to not even get past world cup groups.

More to come…

Le LIBRE

The streak continues

Despite criticism from experts (I guess they are no longer experts eh…) Les Bleus keep on streaking through world cup 13. For Les Bleus, they were matched up against Bedistan Lions. The Lions were expected to make it tough for Les Bleus, having been and experienced team. For the Lions, this was their second time to reach this area, and was expecting to capitalise on it. Les Bleus though were not expecting to roll over dead, for Les Bleus have more to prove.

In the first half Les Bleus knew how special this was, as they came out strongly. Just before coming out on the field though, the coach gave them a long private talk to get them prepared for this match. They needed more than fans yelling for Les Bleus to get through the next round. This talk proved to be useful, as Les Bleus put the pressure on early. The ball was in control of both teams for the early part of the match, but during a free kick, Les Bleus opened up the scoring. The bench erupted at the first goal for Les Bleus. They knew they would need something early to get them to the end. At the end of the first half, Les Bleus were up 1 – 0, with no real attack by the Lions.

The second half started off with the expected attack which came late for the Lions. The Lions caught Les Bleus off guard, getting deep into Les Bleus zone. A high kick almost went in sailing over the net. The defence let down the keeper. The Lions got a few more chances from corner kicks, and long shots, resulting in nothing. Les Bleus knew their lead could not stand at 1, and at the 65th minute of play, Les Bleus scored their second goal against Bedistan. With a lead of 2 – 0, Les Bleus knew they had some security, but the defence would not give up, because they were given a scare earlier. On a late attack during the 88th minute, Les Bleus were on an attack, and a Lions player tripped up an Eauz player. Les Bleus were given a free kick, and capitalised on it putting Les Bleus up 3 – 0. Les Bleus knew now that they would advance, and this score would stay the same, as Les Bleus went on to win 3 – 0.

This match was not expected to be as the result, but for Les Bleus, they will take it no matter how they come. With a 3 – 0 win, Les Bleus will wait to find out who they will play between Lemmitania and Spaam. No matter who wins, Les Bleus will have to stand up, and play at their best. At the moment, Les Bleus will be fighting for a medal. If Les Bleus beat the winner of Lemmitania/Spaam, they will go on to the 1st place match against the winner of the other group. A loss will still let them fight for the 3rd/4th place.

More information about next match later…

[OOC to Eauz: Actually, that's the semifinal match you just kicked my tail in :P, and your win means you're now in the championship match, while the Lions go to the 3rd-place match. Also, this is actually the 4th time we've reached the semifinals, but that's not important. :P]

RP to come...

Congrats to the finalists, meanwhile the remaining... 100 teams can signup for WC15 here: http://www.nationstates.net/forum/viewtopic.php?t=141059

Le LIBRE

Eauz in the Final

In a recent publication of Le Libre, we said that Les Bleus had to go through a few more rounds, but this was a mistake. Les Bleus having beaten Bedistan, moved onto the final, playing for the World Cup. As for the opponent, it is reported that Spaam will be playing Les Bleus in the final. Spaam has been a very active team, and both teams are very qualified for the cup. As for the match, it will be played in host country Rejistania, in the city of KaMaRi kali. Les Bleus will hope for a strong finish to this streak.

In Kamari Kali, the people are starting to bar up their shops and window’s to prevent any damage from occurring in the after match. No matter the result, one teams fans will be celebrating, and things could get out of hand in the streets.

Back home in Zuka, Les Bleus are all people are talking about, as most people are surprised at the great run at the cup Les Bleus have. If there are critics, they are minimal, and have very little to talk about. As for those fans that can not get to the match in Rejistania, it will be live in Le Stade d’Eauz. It is expected that the stadium will be packed just to watch the match on TV.

Le LIBRE

World Cup 13: Eauz vs. Spaam

Tonight’s final match of World Cup 13 will pit Les Bleus against Spaam, in what is anticipated to be a very well played match. Spaam who is ranked fairly high, are expected to be the winner of World Cup 13, but many world cup experts expect a win from Les Bleus. Les Bleus will look to Yeuseuv and the defence for which have been stellar in this world cup giving up only 5 goals to opponents in the qualifying round, and during the run to the cup, giving up only 1 goal out of 6 matches. For Spaam, they will find it hard to score goals, but have had a great offence.

In other news, with the great play by the Eauz national Team, Football Eauz announced that they will put in a bid to host world cup 15 with The Eagle’s Nest. Les Bleus see their chances as being possible, as they have a very strong team, and they want to show off Eauz to the world. The bid would also promote the Region of Emerald Heights, where World Cup 14 will be hosted.

As for the final match, the stadium is expected to be packed with Eauz and Spaam fans as well as fans from around the world. Many have said: “I hope the Underdog (Eauz) wins this match, they have played well, and it would be classical”.

More information after the match…

VILÄMNA DAGENS NYHETER

ANOTHER LOSS TO THE LEMMINGS
3-1 loss to Lemmitania marks end of Svecian World Cup, Fransisco Carati's career
Lördag 24 April, 2004

REJISTANIA - It almost seemed that the second two goal loss to Lemmitania wasn't the hardest blow the Svecian side took yesterday. Although the Lightning played their hardest, they were simply outmatched by the stronger Lemmitanian side.

But despite the finish to what was arguably the Lightning's best World Cup since WC7, and the completely unexpected news that Fransisco Carati, the much acclaimed Svecian striker, would be retiring from the international scene and that the quarterfinal game would be his last in a yellow and blue uniform, head coach Tim Sweers remained optomistic that his team would return in WC14 as a contender.

"This year was really a 'show what we can do' type of year for us. We came in here with no one really expecting us to advance past the group matches, let alone beat Gesamtkuntswerk in the second round. But next year we will definitely be a hunted team as everyone except Carati will be returning again."

Carati's announcement came in the press conference after the 3-1 loss. He explained that he was slowing down physically and admitted he felt outmatched against the quicker Lemmings side, despite the fact that Carati scored the lone Svecian goal.

Svecia's national team underwent a massive overhaul just before the opening of qualifying for World Cup 9. Tim Sweers, the former head coach of the 4 time national championship voetbal team at Svensson University, came in and implemented an entirely new formation for the national team. This was also the year that Fransisco Carati came to Svecia to play.

But Carati was not the only new player on the team: not a single player on the Svecian side had ever played in a World Cup match. Which would explain the dismal performance in World Cups 9 and 10. But in 11 and 12, Svecia stabilized their world position and even made it into the second round in WC11.

Svecia had not advanced past the second round since World Cup 7 before they made it into the quarterfinals this year. Last night's loss was disheartening, but perhaps it was to be expected.

Lemmitania had beaten the Lightning 2-0 in the group matchup this year already. So coming into last night's match, the Lemmings already had the upper hand.

They showed this early on by scoring the opening goal of the match off a corner in the 10th minute of play. Svecia's answer was Carati's brilliant touch into the bottom left corner in the 27th minute. He collected the ball from Mikael Solskjaer with his back to the goal about 15 yards out, touched the ball to his right and slotted it back into the net. But Lemmitania took the lead right back five minutes later on a breakaway. They later added an insurance goal in the 62nd minute.

One of the most unexpected results of the tournament for Svecia, however, was the emergence of Mikael Solskjaer as a major player for the Lightning. His rock solid play in the center midfield, precision passing, and his goal scoring as well, has brought him into the international spotlight. It will be his play in World Cup 14 that will bring Svecia closer to the dream of a World Cup championship.

Go lovebug :wink:

From the Melmondian Predictor...

You thought I was crazy for picking Eauz to win the World Cup even though they have never been to even the Round of 16! Well who's crazy now!!! I am a genius!!!!! HA HA HA!!!!!

TnUI uncover match rigging plot

A special dossier containing information on a Melmondianeranic plot to influence the World Cup by use of their so called "voodoo dice" was released today. It's believed that they bet a large amount of money on Eauz to win the World Cup in a large number of countries and then set their fiendish scheme into operation. First testing them out in the Cup of Harmony, the results were beyond their wildest dreams. Eauz coasted along to the final where they meet Spaam tomorrow. Will some antidote to the "voodoo dice" be found in time? Or will Spaam suffer another humiliating defeat? Who cares...

United Spaam Sports Weekly

The Most Annoying Publication In NationStates

Spaam Reach The Finals Of The World Cup

A quarter of a century ago, Spaam reached the semifinals of the seventh
football World Cup, and faced a team called Svecia. They were tied at nil
all after full time, and still tied after extra time. It was only when a young
striker by the name of Méla Sëhelin managed to push the last penalty past
the Svecian goalkeeper, that Spaam won the game, 3-2 on penalty count.

25 years later, that same player is the coach of the same team that she
played in all those years ago. This time, Spaam were playing Lemmitania
(they would've played Svecia, but Lemmitania won the quarterfinal this
time). The score was tied at one all after full time, and still tied after extra
time. The two teams had gone to penalty kicks, and Spaam was 3-2, with
a kick to come for both sides. If Spaam made this shot, they would win
the game, and make it to the finals of the World Cup for only the second
time in the nation's history. Méla had already sent out all her top strikers,
except one. Meren Lûin, another young femals striker, who, like Méla a
quarter of a century ago, was Spaam's best goal maker. Meren was sent
out, lined up, and after a minute, shot the ball.

The goalkeeper had no chance. It sailed neatly into the top right-hand
corner of the goal, and then onto the back of the net. Spaam had won
against Lemmitania and were on to the World Cup finals against Eauz. In
the end, even after all these years, little has changed.

World Cup XIII Final: Eauz Vs Spaam

It is hard to workout who is the underdog here. In a strange twist of fate,
the top four teams in the World Cup were ranked no higher than 15th in
the world, and in this game, it is the 15th ranked versus the 20th ranked.
Spaam is ranked higher, have never lost to Eauz, are looking for revenge
(Eauz pushed Spaam out of qualifying for the tenth World Cup on goal
difference), and have been in this situation before. On the other hand,
Eauz has performed consistently better than Spaam in both qualifying and
the World Cup, are coming off a 3-0 win over Bedistan, are also
looking for revenge (last time these two team met, Spaam won 1-0), and
are under no pressure whatsoever.

In any case, critics all over the world are predicting that this will be the
best World Cup final, since Spaam versus Errinundera 25 years ago. The
two teams have very strong offense, a powerful defense, and play very
similar football. And most of all, neither team has anything to lose, since
this is further than anyone could've predicited that these two teams would
reach. No matter what happens, Les Bleus versus the Red and Black will
be the match of the decade.

Spaam Final Roster

[code:1:b4f07264b0]Head Coach:
Melá Séhelin

Forwards:
[1] Nala Eromleb (???)
[2] Meren Lûin (25F)
[6] Eman Olisade (21M) [Alhana Catherine]
[7] Maddi Elrik (28F)

Midfield:
[4] Elen Súrion (24F)
[8] Luka Pantel (27F)
[9] Tomas Rasa (21M)

Defense:
[5] Finrod Súrion (24M)
[10] Mykel Zevlak (21F)
[11] Orophin Sëhelin (27M)

Goal Keeper:
[3] Alátari Súrion (24F)
[/code:1:b4f07264b0]

Spaam pipped for World Cup win

Audioslavia's meaningless statistics committee has been hard at work.

They have found that Spaam are statistically most likely to win WC13, for the following reason:

80% of the teams that have knocked Audioslavia out in the World Cup have gone on to win it, whereas only 33% of all the world cups in history have been won by a team with a capital 'E' in their name.

Thus, our final score prediction:

Spaam: 8
Eauz: 3.3

Invests lots of money into voodoo dice technology, sacrifices ten virgins and buys Margaret a lot of drinks

That oughta do it :)

Les Bleus versus the Red and Black will
be the match of the decade.

tsh, if you can beat Audioslavia's last three matches of WC12 for sheer 'match of the decadeness' i'd be impressed :p (19 goals in 3 games, and thats not including penalty shoot outs :()[/quote]

Nah its ok, I didn't win.... :P

Rising briefly from a deep slumber, Bi Kikere placed a bet of 100,000 loonies and the keys to her model train set on Eauz to win. Allez les Bleus!

Congratulations Eauz, and is Melmond psychic?!

Congratulations to "Les Bleus" of Eauz on the Championship!

Congratulations also to:
Spaam, 2nd in the World!
Lemmitania and Bedistan, Semi-finals and 3rd place match!

(Q: who won the 3rd place match?)

Congratuations to Eauz! Champions, w00t!
Bad luck Spaam, 2nd is painful (Our U-21 team lost to Kingsford in the U-21 Championship II final).

[OOC: Sorry I'm late; I had to be up at 5:45 to take a test this morning :x, so I didn't really have much time last night. To make matters worse, I bombed the test. :evil:]

The Bedistan Sports Digest

Not Quite What We Were Looking For, but We'll Take It
Lions achieve first ever final matchday victory

COCKBILL STREET -- Though Les Bleus d'Eauz eliminated the Bedistan Lions' chances of finally winning the World Cup, the Lions did achieve a victory of sorts yesterday against Lemmitania.

The Lions and Lemmings had met twice before, both times in the first round. In World Cup 8, Bedistan played at home and managed a 3-0 victory, and Lemmitania was the home team in World Cup 12, helping them to a one-nil win. This was the first time they had played on neutral ground, and both teams were up to the challenge. Both goalkeepers, Tabitha Fukushima and Joe Lally, were at the top of their game today and it all came down to which one would make a mistake. That turned out to be Lally, who couldn't quite stop a Gil Vu header in the 61st minute that ended up deciding the match and giving the Lions the honor of finishing third overall in World Cup 13.

This marks the first time the Lions have ever won a championship or third-place match in four attempts. "It's about ******* time," said manager Johnny Lewis afterward, before hastily leaving to join the after-match festivities.

Final score:
Lemmitania 0
Bedistan 1 (Vu 61)

<OOC>In the better-late-than-never category, here then is a belated and abbreviated commentary of the Lemmings’ semifinal match against those worthies from Spaam.

I haven’t been able to get the forums to load reliably enough to read Spaam’s RP of the match, so it is entirely possible that the facts presented here do not jibe with reality. In that case, feel free to assume that Lana Maelstrom, et al, are on crack.

I apologize to Spaam for any slights to his fine team.</OOC>

Live from Cockbill Street, this is the Dean of Lemmitanian sports, Lana Maelstrom. Tonight, your Lemmitania Lemmings face Spaam, Spaam, Spaam, Spaam, Baked Beans, Spaam, Spaam, and Spaam in the semifinal match of the World Cup of football.

It’s been a successful struggle for the Lemmings so far, as they narrowly managed qualifying, and ‘ave staved off elimination at every turn. A loss to the Oglethorpian Wonderteam ‘ad them on the ropes to start the group stage, and it was only goal differential that got them through to the second round. After an extra-time victory over Rejistania’s Orange-Blues, the Lemmings revisited their group stage victory over Svecia by edging past the Lightning again in the quarters.

It’s fifteen minutes from kickoff, and joining me in the booth are your commentators for tonight’s game. On me left is “Melifluous” Melanie Melsterson, ‘oo fans will know was goalkeeper for the Lemmings on their last appearance in the semis-- an’ the only time they won the championship. Welcome to the broadcast, Mel.

Mel: Thanks, Lana.

Lana: ‘ow do you fancy the Lemmings’ chances for another Cup?

Mel: Well, there are a lot of differences from the World Cup Ten side. Lemmette Blue, for one.

Lana: Not to mention Lemstein. You think the Blue siblings can get the team through, then?

Mel: Well, they’re not the most consistent people.

Lana: Wouldn’t you say so? I don’t remember a poor performance from either of ‘em.

Mel: No, not a poor performance. That’s just assuming they show up for the match.

Lana: True, true. Look wot ‘appened when Joe Lally started against the Wonderteam. But--

Mel: Say, uh, Lana, aren’t you going to introduce...

Lana: Introduce ‘oo?

Mel: Him. Right there.

Lana: You think I ‘ave to?

Mel: Well, he’s the other commentator, isn’t he?

Lana: Not if I don’t switch ‘is mic on.

Mel: I think that if LRN put him in the booth, they expect to hear his voice.

Lana: Oh, very well. On me right is the winner of the “Why I Love the Lemmings” essay contest, our guest commentator for tonight’s match, Zeke Meldauer. ‘ere, Zeke, lemme turn your microphone on.

Zeke: Oh, hey, uh, thanks, there, Lana. Ahhhkkkphthlth!

Lana: Nice cough you ‘ave there, Zeke. Anyway, Mel, as I was sayin’, don’t you think the Blues will make a point of playin’ in the semifinal match?

Zeke: Koffaughthpthlth! Bbbbokkkpfthlth!

Mel: Are you coughing, or throwing up over there, Zeke?

Zeke: Coughin’. Thanks fer askin’, though.

Mel: You’re welcome. So you really love the Lemmings, do you?

Zeke: ...Nnnnnnah. I wouldn’t say that, no. Hackkkkthaugh!

Lana: That isn’t pneumonia, is it? Or tuberculosis?

Zeke: Hope not.

Lana: But you’ve been tested?

Zeke: Who by?

Lana: A doctor?

Zeke: Wut fer?

Lana: To see if you have pneumonia or TB.

Zeke: Oh, I see. Go to a doctor and ask ‘im if I have pneumonia or TB, that’s what you’re saying?

Lana: That’s what I’m asking. ‘ave you done that?

Zeke: No, no. Don’t worry about it.

Lana: Wull, actually, I do worry about it. ‘ow long ‘ave you been coughing like that?

Zeke: Oh, years. Years and years.

Mel: Ever cough up blood, Zeke?

Zeke: Sure, sure. You wanna see?

Mel: No, not really.

Zeke: Good, ‘cause I can’t do it on command.

Lana: I suppose if you’ve been coughin’ loik that for years an’ years an’ you ain’t dead yet, it prob’ly ain’t pneumonia or tuberculosis. So we can safely move on to another topic, such as the Blue siblings an’ their likeli’ood of showin’ up for tonight’s match.

Mel: Oh, I’ll be shocked if they’re not playing.

Lana: Yeh? You di’n’t sound too sure of it before.

Mel: Well, as you pointed out, this is the semi-final match of the World Cup. It’s the biggest game either of them’s ever played. Winning the LUFL doesn’t even compare to taking home the World Cup. So, yeah, I think the BLues will be here, and they’ll be ready to play.

Zeke: Hhhhhhurrgckkkappthlth!

Mel: You sure you’re not throwing up?

Zeke: No, no. Maybe just a little bit.

Lana: Oh, Bejeezus. June, can you get stadium maintenance in ‘ere double-quick?

Zeke: Oh, that’s okay. I swallowed it back down.

Mel: Urk.

Lana: Ugh!

Mel: Double-ugh.

Zeke: I wasn’t gonna say nothin’, but since you asked...

Lana: ‘ow the ‘ell did you win the “I Love the Lemmings” essay contest, anyway?

Zeke: Beats the hell out of me.

Mel: What did your essay say about the Lemmings?

Zeke: It wasn’t an essay so much as a poem. Hackackaphth!

Mel: A poem about how much you love the Lemmings?

Zeke: It was called “Oh, How the Lemmings Blow.”

Mel: Was it, now.

Zeke: I’m an Audioslavia man, myself.

Lana: Follow the ‘Slaves, do you?

Zeke: No, I mostly stay at home a lot.

Lana: I meant, follow the progress of the team. Watch their matches, an’ such-like.

Zeke: Oh. Yeah, sometimes. When I don’t have anything better to do.

Mel: You have an opinion on the Blue siblings?

Zeke: Nnnnnnope.

Lana: You know ‘oo the Blue siblings are?

Zeke: Not really.

Mel: They’re players for the Lemmings. Very flamboyant. Lemstein, the star striker, and Lemmette, in goal.

Lana: They tend to get in a lotta trouble off the field, an’ don’t always show up for matches.

Zeke: They sound like losers.

Mel: Lemstein’s led the LUFL in scoring three years running, and Lemmette’s allowed the fewest goals for two years.

Lana: Resultin’ in back-to-back championships for the Lemago Lembeasts.

Zeke: What’s that, their team?

Mel: Yeah.

Zeke: Never heard of ‘em.

Lana: Wull, they’ll be playin’ tonight. ‘opefully.

Zeke: What, all[i/] of ‘em? The whole team?

Lana: Wot ‘ole team?

Zeke: The Lemago Lembeasts. The team we’re talking about.

Lana: I was talking’ about the Blue siblings, actually.

Zeke: Oh, I thought you meant the Lemago Lembeasts would be playing tonight, hopefully.

Lana: Why would you think I meant that?

Zeke: ‘Cause when I said I never heard of ‘em, that’s who I was talking about. The Lemago Lembeasts.

Lana: ‘ow can you never ‘ave ‘eard of the Lembeasts? Don’t you follow Lemmitanian football at [i]all?

Zeke: Nnnnnnope.

Lana: ‘ow nice that you were selected to ‘elp call tonight’s match.

Zeke: Hawwwwwwkkkuphthlth!

Mel: Tell me that was just a cough that time.

Zeke: Yeah, that one was just a cough.

Mel: Good.

Zeke: Mostly.

Lana: Wull, I see that the officials are bringin’ the captains out to midfield for the cointoss. That’s Orophin Sehelin for the Spaamtonians, and Rick Chang for the Lemmings. Chang to call it... ‘eads, ‘e says, an’ ‘e wins it. So we’ll be breaking for some important messages, an’ when we return, Lemmitania’ll kick it off. You’re listening to the Lemmitanian Radio Network.

...

Voiceover: How often has this happened to you?

Man: Aw crap, the widget’s broke. An’ water’s pourin’ in all over the damn place.

Woman: Didn’t I tell you to replace the widget? How many times have I told you to replace the widget?

Man: Don’t start in on me about the widget! Always it’s, “Replace the widget! Replace the widget!” Don’t you think I have anything better to do with my time than replace the friggin’ widget?

Woman: Well, if you’d replaced the widget when I told you, there wouldn’t be water pouring in all over the place now, would there?

Man: Shuddup, you!

Voiceover: Well, it doesn’t have to happen anymore! With Lemguyer, Loomgoover, and Lumgrover, Attorneys at Law, you can have that divorce you’ve been dreaming of, but thought you could never afford! A paltry thirty-eight lemmings buys you out of your dead-end marriage, in a genuine court of law-- with all the trimmings!

Woman: What’s this?

Man: Whadda ya think? Divorce papers. Read ‘em and weep.

Woman: Oh, thank god. Why didn’t you think of this years ago?

Man: Shuddup with the nagging already, for crying out loud!

Voiceover: Yes, you too can resume the joys of bachelorhood! Call Lemguyer, Loomgoover, and Lumgrover today! Divorce: the easy way out!

...

Hi, this is Lemmy Lemster, with an important message for all you kids. Now, I know how everybody likes to be just like their favorite celebrities-- that’s why I’ve always led a clean life and presented a respectable role model for you little tykes. But sometimes, you can’t do everything you see your idols do on TV. And that’s why I’m here tonight, asking you to please, please not climb inside your parent’s Eclectic Lemming Corporation Instant LemmingFreezer and switch the thing on! I know Captain Jack Archer had himself instantaneously frozen on Stargate: Enterprise two weeks ago, but let me clue you in to something: That was just make-believe. People who are instantaneously frozen solid cannot be revived, in real life. So the twelve kids who’ve frozen themselves in LemmingFreezers since that stupid show aired, are actually dead. Yep, dead. Remember: if you freeze yourself solid, you’ll be dead, too.

Voiceover: Eclectic Lemming Corporation accepts no responsibility for misuse of its products resulting from impressionable young children being influenced by Stargate: Enterprise. However, on a purely voluntary basis, ELC has recalled the Instant LemmingFreezer models 1701 and 1702. If you own one of these fine products, please return it to the place of purchase for a full refund.

...

Lana: Welcome back to World Cup Thirteen here on Cockbill Street. The Lemmings are set to kick it off, and as Lemstein Blue receives the ball from Stella Lerner, we’re under way.

Mel: The starting eleven for Hoagy Lemmichael tonight will be Lerner and Blue on the front line; Harry Koo, Horace Henneman, Lemmy Lowe, and Mick Stickles from left to right in midfield; and Priscilla Lumford, Gabriella McChum, Rick Chang, and Midori Lemyuggles in the backfield. In goal, as expected, the spectacular Lemmette Blue. For Spaam, the starters are Nala Eromleb, Meren Lûin, Eman Olisade and Maddi Elrik in the front, Elen Súrion, Luka Pantel, and Tomas Rasa in midfield, and Finrod Súrion, Mykel Zevlak, and Orophin Sëhelin in the backfield. In goal, Alátari Súrion.

Lana: ‘enneman with the ball now, jus’ across the mid-line, passes to Lowe, ‘oo sends it to Blue. Zevlak gets a foot on it, but Blue shows ‘is speed, gettin’ in front of Zevlak and sending it back toward ‘enneman. ‘enneman to Lerner on the left.

Zeke: Kophthlth! Kkkoughth!

Mel: You sure you’re not contagious, Zeke?

Zeke: I have no idea.

Lana: ‘ow ‘bout if we just turn your mic back off?

Mel: No, June says we have to keep it on.

Lana: For the edification of our listeners, that’s June Jamelen, our director, keepin’ us on the straight-an’-narrow with LRN’s contest committee. Wot the ‘ell made ‘em pick Zeke to be our guest commentator, that’s wot I’d like to know.

Mel: It was his poem.

Lana: ‘is poem was about ‘ow the Lemmings ‘blow.’ Or so ‘e said.

Zeke: Yeah, you wanna hear it?

Lana: A ex-Lemmings, why would we wanna ‘ear about ‘ow our team ‘blows?’

Zeke: It’s an award-winning poem.

Mel: In a sense.

Zeke: Aside from gettin’ me here, it won the “Slam-a-Lemming” trophy at the National Poetry Slam, you know.

Mel: No, I didn’t know that. Why’s thre a “Slam-a-Lemming” trophy?

Zeke: To recognize the best lemming-slamming poem.

Mel: Oh, of course.

Lana: Surion with a tackle on Lemstein Blue, and Pantel gets control of the ball. Spaamistine working the ball back into Lemming territory now. I notice Gabriella McChum’s ‘avin’ a li’le trouble keepin’ up.

Mel: She’s bathed in sweat. And only five minutes into the game.

Zeke: She’s gonna blow.

Mel: Chunks, you mean?

Zeke: Blow chunks? How disgusting.

Mel: You keep doing it.

Zeke: I blow nothin’! The chunks ain’t ‘blown’ if they don’t leave your mouth.

Lana: Okay, let’s leave this conversational thread before I ‘ave to leave the booth.

Mel: June just reminded me that we have listeners, too. They might not want to hear about the vomiting and everything, so we’re not going to mention it again.

Zeke: I never mentioned it even once, I’d like to point out.

Lana: I think McChum may be sick.

Zeke: Nah, she’s gonna blow.

Mel: If you don’t mean that she’s going to vomit, what do you ean, Zeke?

Zeke: She’s gonna ‘splode. She’s got Lembustitis.

Lana: Lembustitis ain’t real. Gil made it up.

Zeke: Oh, it’s real, all right.

Mel: What about the spontaneous combustions during the first-round match against Oglethorpia? There were two of ‘em.

Lana: Those are still under investigation. But considerin’ the traces of petrol that were found on the pitch--

Zeke: Lembustitis leaves traces of gasoline.

Lana: That’s nonsense.

Mel: Anyway, Gil Lemson didn’t make up Lembustitis. It was developed in Total n Utter Insanity.

Lana: Wot for?

Mel: As a joke. A sick, sick joke.

Lana: Says ‘oo?

Mel: www.lembustitis.org.

Lana: Hmmph. Nothin’ learned on the Internet should be considered authoritative.

Mel: Oh, yeah? You know, a lot of people get their World Cup match reports from the Internet. Instead of listening to them live on the radio, they read the transcripts the next day.

Lana: Are the transcripts accurate?

Mel: Read one and find out.

Lana: ‘oo transcribes ‘em?

Mel: Mostly fanatical football fans. The Lemmitanian broadcasts have been typed up for years by a mysterious figure known only as ‘Lemmy.’

Lana: So this ‘Lemmy’ sits up all night transcribin’ the broadcasts, does ‘e?

Mel: I imagine it takes him a while, yeah.

Lana: Sounds like a loser. Don’t ‘e ‘ave anything better to do?

Mel: Well, he doesn’t do all the matches. Just the ones that are broadcast internationally.

Lana: Does somebody pay ‘im for this?

Mel: I don’t think so.

Lana: But ‘e ‘as some sorta deal worked out with LRN? ‘Cause they own the transcripts. ‘No portion of this broadcast may be distributed or retransmitted in any form without express written consent of LRN and the Lemmitania Lemmings football club,’ et cetera, et cetera.

Mel: I think maybe he just does it on the sly. I’ve never noticed that copyright notice being included in his transcriptions.

Lana: So LRN doesn’t know about this?

Mel: No, probably not.

Lana: Except that you’ve just spilled the beans.

Mel: Hmm. No, I think it’ll be all right. I don’t think anyone at LRN actually listens to the matches.

Lana: Wull, Lemmy, if you’re out there listenin’ to this and typin’ it up, I’d just like to say I think you’re wastin’ your time. Nobody’s gonna read pages an’ pages of me an’ Mel callin’ a football match.

Mel: I think we owe Lemmy a shout-out. It takes a lot of dedication to do what he does. He’s gonna have to phonetically spell out all those noises Zeke’s making, for one thing.

Lana: Why’s ‘e ‘ave to spell ‘em phonetically? ‘e can jus’ type ‘coughs’ in parentheses, can’t ‘e?

Mel: He always does onomotopoaeia and accents phonetically.

Lana: Wull, I think ‘e’s nuts.

Zeke: Kkkkruckkthpthlthphggggthaaaargthpth!

Mel: Oh, that was a nasty one.

Lana: So Eromleb and Luin and Olisade ‘ave been movin’ the ball around the Lemming backfield while we were talkin’ about this nutty ‘Lemmy’ guy, an’ Eman Olisade’s jus’ taken a shot on goal that Lemmette Blue stonkered with a brilliant dive to ‘er left. Blue wrappin’ up the ball, and she’ll toss it a long way out to ‘enneman near midfield. McChum ‘avin’ a ‘ard time keepin’ up.

Mel: I think Lemmichael’s going to have to take her out.

Zeke: He better hurry. ‘Cause I think she’s gonna blow.

Lana: Wot d’you care? You ‘ate the Lemmings.

Zeke: Hey, I don’t care for the team. I don’t hate ‘em as individuals. It’s not like I want to see ‘em ‘splode or anything.

Mel: It’s the Insaniacs who want to see them explode.

Lana: I’ve never ‘eard of Insaniacs ‘avin’ anything against the Lemmings, particularly.

Zeke: Oh, yeah, they do. It’s the Audioslavia connection.

Lana: Wot, the fact that Audioslavia’s our nearest neighbor?

Zeke: No, the Audioslavians hate the Lemmings! Audioslavian football fans think the Lemmings are, like, the anti-Bejeezus or something.

Lana: So the Insaniacs ought to like the Lemmings, then. Seeing as they hate the ‘Slaves.

Zeke: That hating-the-Slaves stuff is just growing pains. Insaniacs are actually Audioslavians.

Lana: Wot? You’re talking crazy. A near-tackle on Lemstein Blue by Finrod Surion, but Blue keeps control of the ball an’ gives it to ‘enneman.

Zeke: Total n Utter Insanity was founded by rogue Soundgardians back in the days before Soundgardenia merged with the Republic of the Machine. That’s where their hatred of Audioslavia comes from.

Lana: I see.

Zeke: But a lot of Insaniacs still see Audioslavia-- or at least, the state of Soundgardenia, as the homeland. Tey don’t like to show it, but they love the ‘Slaves. So of course they hate the Lemmings.
Lana: Where do you get this information?

Zeke: It’s all on a website. www.insaniac_ancestry.com.

Lana: Bollocks.

Zeke: You don’t believe it?

Lana: No, I don’t. But that’s not why I said ‘bollocks.’ Spaamada ‘as just scored.

Mel: Holy crap! I was so caught up in watching Gabriella McChum that I didn’t even notice.

Lana: Zevlak got the ball with a clean tackle on Lerner, an’ Rasa sent it way upfield. Eromleb and Luin caught the Lemming defense out of position, mebbe because McChum’s runnin’ about quarter-speed, and with a two-on-one situation, Luin got a clear shot that Blue jus’ barely missed.

Mel: I think McChum’s starting to smoke.

Lana: Lemmichael ‘as to take ‘er out. She’s talkin’ to ‘im at the sideline now. She’s definitely smokin’.

Zeke: It’s Lembustitis! Those people around her better get outta the way.

Lana: They’re wrappin’ ‘er in blankets.

Mel: Maybe that’ll stifle the flames.

Zeke: Or at least contain the force of the explosion.

Lana: I’ve never seen a person actually smoking before.

Mel: They’re pouring water on her.

Zeke: That’s a mistake.

Lana: She’s smokin’ worse’n ever!

Zeke: Wut they need is a class-D fire extinguisher.

Lana: Wot the ‘ell is that?

Mel: Class A puts out burning paper or wood; class B puts out a grease fire; class C is for electrical fires. I’ve never heard of class D, though.

Zeke: That’s for spontaneously combusting human flesh.

Lana: Someone must ‘ave doused ‘er in something. ‘umans don’t just burst into flames!

Mel: The dirt they’re throwing on her seems to be doing the trick.

Lana: It’s ‘ell on the pitch, though.

Mel: For the edification of our listeners, I should explain that the coaching and medical staff and some of the players for both sides have begun tearing chunks out of the turf and piling them onto McChum’s smoking body. It’s hard to tell how she’s taking all this, considering she’s completely wrapped in soaking blankets.

Zeke: Smoking blankets, you mean.

Mel: Smoking too.

Lana: An’ Lemstein Blue ‘as begun jumping on ‘er, with ‘is cleats. I don’t know if that’s supposed to ‘elp stop the smoking, or if ‘e jus’ felt like doin’ it.

Mel: Never ones to think for themselves, several of the other Lemming players have begun jumping up and down on her as well.

Zeke: Now that’s gonna kill her.

Lana: Lemmichael’s smacking ‘em in the ‘eads, now. A proper Kikere-type smack, ‘e ‘as.

Mel: That’s doing the trick. They’re getting off her, now.

Lana: An’ the smoking seems to ‘ave slowed down a bit. They’re ‘elpin’ ‘er to ‘er feet. Great clods of turf are fallin’ to the ground about ‘er.

Mel: They’re peeling the blankets off. She look pretty bruised and battered, but at least she didn’t—

Lana: HOLY CRAP!

Mel: Bejeezus!!

Zeke: Hulggrkkkthpth!

Lana: I don’t know if you folks at ‘ome could ‘ear that over the microphones, but-- wot a ‘ideous, ‘ideous scene!

Mel: Gabriella McChum has exploded right before our eyes.

Zeke: Nothin’s left but a little pile of ashes.

Lana: There was a sudden flash, a ‘boom,’ an’ she was gone!

Mel: Yeah, you know, spontaneous combustion isn’t really all that gruesome when you actually see it.

Lana: It was awful!

Mel: It’s not like she was running around shrieking and burning or anything.

Zeke: It would have been quick and painless if those fools wouldn’t have started stomping on her.

Lana: They’ve brought out a dustpan an’ broom, an’ they’re collectin’ the remains.

Mel: I wonder if all this time will be added at the end of the half? It’s been, like, ten minutes since Spaam scored.

Lana: Now the grounds crew ‘as come out to try an’ repair the damage to the pitch. Not much they can do, though.

Mel: It’s a festival of divots down there. Well, Barton Lugbutter’s come on to replace McChum. I’m not sure if, legally, you get to replace a spontaneously combusted player. Do you?

Lana: There’s no such thing as spontaneous combustion.

Mel: What do you think we just saw, then?

Lana: There’s either a natural explanation, or it was foul play.

Mel: More natural than spontaneous combution?

Lana: Yes. Lerner’s getting’ set to kick it off, finally, to Blue. ‘ard to believe they can just take to the pitch again after seein’ their teammate die ‘orribly.

Zeke: She didn’t die horribly, she died fast and painless.

Mel: Spontaneously, you might say.

Lana: We don’t know it was painless. An’ even if it was, it was still ‘orrible. Blue takin’ the ball into Spaamtastic territory.

Mel: What natural explanation do you think there could be, other than spontaneous combustion?

Lana: Mebbe she was ‘it by lightnin’.

Mel: I didn’t see any lightning.

Lana: Mebbe it was ground lightnin’!

Mel: I dunno…

Zeke: Lana could be right. Lightning kills more people than automobile accidents, airplane crashes, salmonella, and lightning every year combined.

Lana: That don’t make sense.

Zeke: Don’t argue, I’m agreeing with you!

Lana: I don’t need you agree with me.

Zeke: If I don’t agree with you, me and Mel can outvote you, even if you are the Dean of Lemmitanian sports.

Lana: We’re not voting about wot killed Gabriella McChum! Blue with a shot from the right side, deflected by Surion.

Zeke: Hurghpthlth! Hackthphophthlth!

Mel: Yeah, no doubt.

. . .

Returnin’ you to the second ‘alf of the Lemmings’ semifinal match against the Spaams of Spaam, this is Lana Maelstrom for the Lemmitanian Radio Network. We’ve just been playin’ some important messages while the officials stopped the action to remove the smokin’ remains of Mick Stickles an’ Priscilla Lumford, ‘oo were either struck by lightnin’ or killed by a mysterious Lemming-killer, ‘oo also did away with Gabriella McChum earlier in the game.

Mel: Coming on are substitutes Grimsley Hoppersnag to replace Stickles in midfield, and Wooga Lempobbler to take Lumford’s place in the backfield. It’s a good thing the Lemmings got the equalizer earlier in the half, because who knows which, if any, will survive to the end of the match?

Lana: Lemstein Blue tosses it in from the sideline, an’ goes galavantin’ down the field loik ‘e ain’t got a care in the world. ‘ow can ‘e do that, is wot I want to know.

Mel: He’s oblivious to danger.

Lana: It ain’t the danger I’m talkin’ about! It’s the ‘orrid deaths of ‘is teammates.

Mel: He’s stoic, I guess.

Lana: Look at Lerner: she can barely muster the will to run up and down the field.

Mel: I think that’s because she’s next.

Zeke: This reminds me of a poem I wrote once. Called “Oh, How the Lemmings Blow.”

Lana: Stuff your stupid poem!

Zeke: It’s relevant!

Mel: How is your poem about how much you hate the Lemmings relevant?

Zeke: It’s not about how much I hate the Lemmings. It’s about how they blow.

Mel: What meaning of ‘blow’ are you using, then?

Zeke: Blow. Up. Explode. You know.

Mel: Your poem is about the Lemmings spontaneously combusting?

Zeke: Yyyyyep.

Mel: Let’s hear it.

Lana: No!

Zeke: It’s okay, Lana. I don’t mind.

Lana: I do!

Mel: Why not? They’re going to explode whether he reads the poem or not.

Lana: This is ‘orrible!

Mel: Yeah, well, that’s life. Nothing you can do about it.

Zeke: O! How the Lemmings blow.

Lana: I’m not sittin’ ‘ere for this.

Mel: fine, so kick him in the head or something, and make him stop.

Lana: I ain’t kickin’ nobody. Wot I’m doin’ is walking out of ‘ere.

Zeke: Hackkkkkthpthlth!

Mel: You just clear your throat there so we can all understand you.

Lana: And I ain’t comin’ back!

Mel: Lana, I realize it’s a bad scene down there on the pitch. But you can’t stop it. Might as well just roll with it, you know?

Lana: Shuddup.

Zeke: The Lemmings blow like magnesium. Man, that stuff is flammable.

Mel: I think that’s the first time the Dean of Lemmitanian sports has ever been driven out of the broadcast booth.

Zeke: It’s beautiful, in a sad sort of way.
If you like watching people die, spontaneously, in flame.
A flash of light—bam! And like that, they’re gone!
That’s how the Lemmings blow.
O! How the Lemmings blow.
When in the night two sides take the pitch,
In a contest for supremacy, the might of great wills...
Ain’t nothing you can do about it once one of ‘em starts smoking.
Bam! Like that, they’re gone.

Mel: Wow, that was very moving.

Zeke: You like it?

Mel: Stella Lerner’s just exploded.

Zeke: Or been struck by lightning.

Mel: One or the other.

Zeke: It’s a beautiful game.

OOC: The captain is Nala Eromleb. But otherwise, its cool ;)

World Cup Powerhouse National Teams

The Minister of Athletics, Olympics, and Alcoholic Beverages for the Frost-Free Borderlands of Snub Nose 38 has just received the results of a study he commissioned the Ministry of Statistics, Other Totally Useless Information, and Band Aids to conduct. The chart below is that result. These are the World Cup Powerhouse National Teams. This study dealt only with sides that placed first, second, or third in a World Cup Tournament, and how many times that side "placed".

[code:1:cbb3c989b9]
Rated National Side World Cup Results (1, 2, or 3)
1 Europa Brittania 2 firsts, 1 second, 2 thirds
2 Brazillico 2 firsts, 1 third
3 Giant Zucchini 1 first, 1 second, 1 third
4 Crosshill 1 first, 1 second
4 Lemmitania 1 first, 1 second
6 Liverpool England 1 first, 1 third
7 Spaam 2 seconds, 1 third
8 Al Quds 1 first
8 Dennisov 1 first
8 Errinundera 1 first
8 Rejistania 1 first
8 Eauz 1 first
13 Quohog 1 second, 1 third
13 Bedistan 1 second, 1 third
15 Tanah Burung 1 second
15 Jurasica 1 second
15 Ravenspire 1 second
15 Warnocks Wizards 1 second
15 Audioslavia 1 second
20 Svecia 2 thirds
21 Haraki 1 third
21 Arridia 1 third
21 Commerce Heights 1 third[/code:1:cbb3c989b9]

These results have nothing to do with, nor any bearing on, the Kaze Progressa-Bedistan (KPB) ranking system used by the World Cup Committee to rank all national sides that participate in World Cup Tournaments.

The study has absolutely no scientific, academic, or rational basis.

However, it is nice to look at.

It would be even nicer if "Snub Nose 38" was on it somewhere.

World Cup Powerhouse National Teams

The Minister of Athletics, Olympics, and Alcoholic Beverages for the Frost-Free Borderlands of Snub Nose 38 has just received the results of a study he commissioned the Ministry of Statistics, Other Totally Useless Information, and Band Aids to conduct. The chart below is that result. These are the World Cup Powerhouse National Teams. This study dealt only with sides that placed first, second, or third in a World Cup Tournament, and how many times that side "placed".

[code:1:951ac6b40d]
Rated National Side World Cup Results (1, 2, or 3)
1 Europa Brittania 2 firsts, 1 second, 2 thirds
2 Brazillico 2 firsts, 1 third
3 Giant Zucchini 1 first, 1 second, 1 third
4 Crosshill 1 first, 1 second
4 Lemmitania 1 first, 1 second
6 Liverpool England 1 first, 1 third
7 Spaam 2 seconds, 1 third
8 Al Quds 1 first
8 Dennisov 1 first
8 Errinundera 1 first
8 Rejistania 1 first
8 Eauz 1 first
13 Quohog 1 second, 1 third
13 Bedistan 1 second, 1 third
15 Tanah Burung 1 second
15 Jurasica 1 second
15 Ravenspire 1 second
15 Warnocks Wizards 1 second
15 Audioslavia 1 second
20 Svecia 2 thirds
21 Haraki 1 third
21 Arridia 1 third
21 Commerce Heights 1 third[/code:1:951ac6b40d]

These results have nothing to do with, nor any bearing on, the Kaze Progressa-Bedistan (KPB) ranking system used by the World Cup Committee to rank all national sides that participate in World Cup Tournaments.

The study has absolutely no scientific, academic, or rational basis.

However, it is nice to look at.

It would be even nicer if "Snub Nose 38" was on it somewhere.

Can you include 4th places?

And I propose a different ordering.... 5 points for 1st, 4 points for second, and 3 points for third....

[code:1:951ac6b40d]
Rated National Side World Cup Results (1, 2, or 3)
1 Europa Brittania 2 firsts, 1 second, 2 thirds
2 Brazillico 2 firsts, 1 third
3 Giant Zucchini 1 first, 1 second, 1 third
4 Spaam 2 seconds, 1 third
5 Crosshill 1 first, 1 second
5 Lemmitania 1 first, 1 second
7 Liverpool England 1 first, 1 third
8 Quohog 1 second, 1 third
8 Bedistan 1 second, 1 third
10 Svecia 2 thirds
11 Al Quds 1 first
11 Dennisov 1 first
11 Errinundera 1 first
11 Rejistania 1 first
11 Eauz 1 first
16 Tanah Burung 1 second
16 Jurasica 1 second
16 Ravenspire 1 second
16 Warnocks Wizards 1 second
16 Audioslavia 1 second
21 Haraki 1 third
21 Arridia 1 third
21 Commerce Heights 1 third[/code:1:951ac6b40d]

Woo! I'm the 4th greatest team of all time :D

Bah! I thank you very much, but I've heard many of you have been a bit grumpy at the fact that I didn't RP something. Well, in the past, I never even made it this far, thus, I stopped looking at the thread. When I won, I was happy, but I didn't know that it was the end of the world that I didn't RP. I'm sorry, but I've been busy, and I thought people already knew who won, and etc... Anyways, I am spending time with my girlfriend until she leaves, and then I'll have more time. I should be able to put together a good RP tomorrow or something. Once again, I'm sorry, but I guess I didn't read the "Guide to winning a World Cup" manual.

Le LIBRE

Eauz who?

Reporters were on holiday for a two week period of media free life, and thus Eauz never found out about the win until recently. Les Bleus were playing against Spaam, and the match finished in a 2 – 1 victory.

At the stadium, there were fans of every sort, but many, who were lead by Oglethorpians’ in saying that Eauz is just a useless French country. Many wore anti-French and Eauz shirts mocking the team.

In the first half of the match, Les Bleus knew they had to play a strong match to even compete with Spaam. Unfortunately, Les Bleus did not strike first, as a Spaam mid-fielder, sent a shot sailing over the Yeuseuv’s hands, going into the net. The group of Anti-Eauz fans shouted and screamed, as the Spaam team celebrated. They did not have long to celebrate, as Les Bleus came back 10 minutes later, with a goal of their own. In excitement, one of Les Bleus players, knocked down a Spaam player, though there was no card awarded to the Eauz player. Les Bleus got away with a cheap shot, but for Les Bleus, this whole world cup was made up of cheap shots. The coach commented later saying; the referees must be very corrupt. The first half ended in a 1 – 1 tie.

The second half began with more shouting from the anti-Eauz section of the stadium. Les Bleus though, used this as more of a motivator to try and finish of Spaam, and bring home the cup for Les Bleus. The play continued, with no real attacks from either side developing. Near the end of play, both sides were tiring, having played a very strong equal match, but at the 86th minute of play, Les Bleus got a free kick, kicking it in to the left corner of the net. At the sight of the second goal for Les Bleus, the stadium went very quiet, with a few cheers in the background. It was an odd silence; the fans did not believe Les Bleus would actually win against Spaam. The match ended in a 2 – 1 victory for Les Bleus.

Critics all around the world were silenced at the victory of World Cup 13 by Eauz. Throughout Eauz, people were celebrating and cheering at the first world cup victory of Les Bleus. Unfortunately, a few Eauzian’s were arrested for causing a riot, and damaging many things in the World Cup host city, such as statues and monuments. The rioters were quickly put on trial. The Eauz government was informed of this, and said, “We found out they were Oglethorpians living in Eauz with Eauz citizenship. That is what you get for useless trash from a country such as that. The government doesn’t really care about these citizens, do as one wishes”

Currently, Les Bleus are ranked #1 in the World for soccer, and will look to defend their second world cup in World Cup 14, being hosted by Oglethorpia and Kingsford. The Emerald Heights will be looking to bring back another cup, in the hope for a long streak of World Cups.

Bah! I thank you very much, but I've heard many of you have been a bit grumpy at the fact that I didn't RP something. Well, in the past, I never even made it this far, thus, I stopped looking at the thread. When I won, I was happy, but I didn't know that it was the end of the world that I didn't RP. I'm sorry, but I've been busy, and I thought people already knew who won, and etc... Anyways, I am spending time with my girlfriend until she leaves, and then I'll have more time. I should be able to put together a good RP tomorrow or something. Once again, I'm sorry, but I guess I didn't read the "Guide to winning a World Cup" manual.Well...next time, make sure you read the manual! :wink: