World Cup 13 - RPs [Archive] - Page 2

Ravenspire

28-03-2004, 10:59

SARGARD STAR editorial

Ravens Continue to Fly
But Matches Against Stalag, Svecia Still Loom

Aldi, Melmond -- It may be an exaggeration to say that Ravens manager Kaede Kitsuki is the most popular woman in town. But not much of one. The foxwoman has won back many of the fans who despaired over the team's poor performance over several years -- most notably in the last World Cup. This year, however, the former striker has managed to take a group of virtual unknowns and forge them into a respectable team -- the new Ravens are second in their group.

It's true that the side has had no truly outstanding wins to speak of, notwithstanding their credible 2-0 upset over Kingsford earlier. But the Ravens as a team have had few such victories in their history. Ours is a side that wins by narrow margins. The fact that this untried team can continue to do so is a testament to their will, skill, and luck.

Take their last two matches, for instance.

The match at Alpha Complex was a game of will. The Alphans are the group's bottom side, and it wasn't difficult to see why, during the match. The spectacle of Alphan striker GOT-2-GO turning on his own goalkeeper with a paranoid rant about "commie mutant traitors" following Ravens striker Kyria Chase's goal in the first half will not soon be forgotten. GOT-2-GO was escorted from the field and a less confrontational clone substituted, of course, but the incident exposed the basic lack of team spirit the Alphans possessed. Even their defenders appeared to watch their own teammates as closely as the attacking Ravens, almost as though they feared being shot down from behind.

Melmond saw the opposite extreme. If some of the Ravens' players were nervous about playing in a country where magic runs rampant, they didn't allow it to show on the field. On the other hand, the Fighting Farmers of Melmond never cringed at facing a football power, even one recently in decline; the opposing side played to win, taking a lead early in the first half. The Farmers constantly pressed the Ravens' defense, almost scoring a goal at the 16-minute mark; fortunately for our side, defender Joseph Fox managed to deflect the shot into the post. The ball fell back onto the field, and Fox quickly cleared it with a pass to midfielder Joy Ng.

The first half ended without any goals scored, but the Ravens turned the tide in the second half, as Kitsuki called a few risky plays, two of which paid off for the Ravens. Chase's goal cleared only because of a fluke; Setsuna Shirosawa's failed, but she was awarded a penalty for tripping -- a call that caused some dispute -- and managed to convert the goal when the Farmers' keeper guessed the wrong direction.

These wins mark five consecutive 2-0 victories for the Ravens; four of them, closer than the results might indicate. Though several difficult matches lie ahead, Kitsuki can justly be proud of what she's accomplished. Even more importantly, the fans can be proud of the team once again. And not simply because they won, but because of their tenacity during those close matches.

It would be unfair to expect the new team to perform as well as the Ravens of the glory days. But it's beginning to look like that's exactly what the team expects. If so, they're working hard to get there.

We'll be watching what happens next... and wishing them luck.

28-03-2004, 11:01

Sad Day for GMM National football!

Yesterday GMM was beaten by Lemitannia 3-1 leaving them 7th with 4 points and a goal difference of -2.

"We didn't expect to win this match but we also didn't expect to play this bad", said coach Beo Newman after the match today.

Hopes are starting to fall and it makes everyone wonder if GMM can finally qualify for a World Cup in such a hard group. one things for sure the players need to pull there socks up.

In other news the GFA have announced the release of the new strip to be worn for the rest of GMM's World Cup campaign. "It's a beautiful top. It has a special material to keep the players warm when its cold and cool when there hot.", said the chairman of Necein Sports, the company who developed and manufactured the new strip.

The team for tomarrows match are to be announced today and is to include the Maypoint United Keeper Henrai Du Point, the sensational centre Gradco FC defender Robbie Vete and the amazing attacker Orien Yace.

That's all the sports news for now but until next time...Goodbye!

Compound interest

28-03-2004, 11:20

An internal CIFA memo:

Dear Sir,
We treated the investment in a national team as a huge write-off, mainly because we are sticking to traditional values. This was a mistake, it does not matter if the CINST is he wost team in the world as long as the it makes enough money for the CIFA. My idea is now, instead of not making any broadcasts about the matches, make the CINST-players identification figures. Everyone in CI knows the feeling of failure and has lost something (job, house, sanity, there are so many things) and all share the hope that things will go better. The 0-0 against the Warnocks Wizards was an encouraging start for that. I guess using the optimized advertising marketing strategies would allow us to make profit even without reaching qualification.
Yours sincerely
#436789-Q (Buy Utopia)

PS: The name CINST isn't good for this purpose, let's call them the 'Nationals'.

The Weegies

28-03-2004, 12:23

LSD Member Chains Herself To Belmorian Minister
"Justice for Richard" takes a more militant turn

After continual walls of silence and blank stares from the Belmorian Government over the death of Richard McIntosh, international group LSD, based in the Weegies, has taken a more militant tone with those who they claim to be culpable.

Jane Roberts (25), a member of the fledgling group, tied herself to a Belmorian Government minister, as yet unnamed, and refuses to unchain herself until the Belmorian Government acknowledges Sarah McIntosh (Richard's wife) has a case.

How this state of events managed to occur is still under wraps, but it is said to have to do with half a pound of butter, a penthouse apartment, and "Seedy Joe Belmore's S&M Club". How these things link up is anyone's guess. If anyone does have a guess, though, send it to the Star and you could win a large, useless trophy. Of course.

Ms Roberts remains solid in the face of media attention. "I feel strongly about this case, and that's why I have done this. This isn't a stunt, or a PR exercise, but merely a way to provide justice for Richard and his family. The ignorance surrounding the plight of the McIntoshes here is amazing - just showing the lack of truth this country is telling its citizens."

The minister could not reply, as Ms Roberts' elbow was wedged in his mouth, although he seems to be fairly content. Well, it's not as if he was chained to a fat, sweaty man with a bowel problem.

The Weegies

28-03-2004, 12:30

28-03-2004, 12:35

The Nastic Times

We win again but will it be enough to qualify?

Kaze Progressa

28-03-2004, 13:35

Kicked Off

On a Progressair flight from The Weegies. Sky marshals patrol the flight owing to an increased fear of terrorism in these parts of late.

Sky Marshall 1: So we're going to arrest those reporters for the Weegies Star when they get on the return flight?
Sky Marshall 2: Sure.
Sky Marshall 1: And we're under orders to shoot to kill?
Sky Marshall 2: Nope.
Sky Marshall 1: But these guys are worse than Aquillan reporters!
Sky Marshall 2: No way! The Aquillan reporters are learning their trade now...

Twenty minutes later, the flight touches down. The passengers leave, as do the sky marshals. They immediately run towards the main terminal and arrest the Weegies Star reporters.

One of the sky marshals contacts another policeman on his radio.

SM1: You've got the Nastic guy, right?
Voice on radio: Yeah, and the Aquillan.
SM1: Great work.
Voice on radio: I'm taking him to Kaza University now.
SM1: Why the uni?
Voice on radio: Have you forgotten about the experiment already?
SM1: What experiment?
Voice on radio: The Kaza Prison Experiment?
SM1: Yeah... oh yeah! That's the one. I'm... taking him over to the uni myself.

The incompetent reporters are blindfolded and ushered away in three-seater electric scooters, cars being banned in Kaze Progressa, towards the university. They are sent into the basement of the university's psychology department where several 'guards' - actually university students - are waiting.

The prisoners revolt rapidly, and the guards toughen up...

Guard 1 (to a reporter from Baguio) Drop and give yourself 20!

Baguio reporter obliges.

Guard 2 (whispered to guard 1): I guess that's 20 more laps for the footballers!!! (laughs hysterically)
Guard 1: Yeah! Let's let them all out and we can play them at football!
Guard 2: They'll only beat each other up again tomorrow...

TO BE CONTINUED...

The Hitlist
The Weegies/NASTIC mocking Aquilla
The role of sky marshals
The Stanford Prison Experiment (Zimbardo, 1971)
The Christmas Day 'ceasefire' in the First World War

Spaam

28-03-2004, 13:48

United Spaam Sports Weekly

The Infamous Magazine Returns In Colour!

Spaamanians Celebrate 50th Qualifying Win In Grand Style

http://www.nationstates.net/images/flags/mauritius.jpg VS http://www.nationstates.net/images/flags/uploads/spaam.jpg

Coming off a disappointing home loss to the Wonderteam, the Spaamanian side was looking for an easy win against the hapless West Gaddlandians to
put them back on track. With Nala Eromleb back after his one match ban, Spaam had a full strength side, with Meren Lûin, Eromleb, young gun
Olisade, and old timer Elrik in attack, Elen Súrion, the experienced Pantel, and Rasa in midfield, and Finrod Súrion, Mykel Zevlak, and Orophin
Sëhelin wrapping up defense. Alátari Súrion was looking fine in keeper duties, with only three goals let in so far this qualifying season.

Spaam dominated from the opening whistle, pushing the Westeners straight into defensive mode. However, the defense was not good enough,
Eromleb celebrating his return to the side with a smart goal in the 10th minute, that completely fooled the keeper. The home team rallied, and
kept the Spaamanians at bay for another half hour, but they slipped again when Lûin slipped past the defenders and scored in the 41st minute. A
mistake by one of their defenders also saw a corner from Elen Súrion, which was converted by the sensational Eman Olisade in the 45th minute.

Coach Sëhelin decided to rest Lûin during the break, and replaced her with Zarí Zarskí. The Spaamanians gained back some of their momentum, with
Olisade scoring again in the 60th minute, which came from an Elrik cross. The game was soured somewhat when Rasa was sent off for a dangerous
tackle in the 69th minute, but Spaam still came away easy winners, in a four goal to nil shutout. This win was Spaam's 50th World Cup qualifying
win, which they have reached in just 98 games, giving them a better than fifty percent record.

West Gaddland 0
Spaam 4
(Eromleb 10, Lûin 41, Olisade 45, 60)

Alan Belmore Dies Again

In a strange twist, Alan Belmore was killed again, just a week after rising from the dead. Witnesses say that he was trying to construct words of
more than one syllable, when a man that looked just like him came up and said "Come back from the dead will you? I'll show you who's the real Alan
Belmore!". He then proceeded to pull a trout from his pants, and beat him senseless with it. Once he had been turned into a bloody lifeless pulp, the
other man shot him 16 times in the face, then calmly walked away, unhindered by the shocked and relieved audience. Police are deeming the
murder fishy (rimshot).

In other news, Nala Eromleb returned from TBF in time to catch the team plane to West Gaddland for their qualifying match, in which he scored a goal.

Matchday Six Review

Oglethorpia and Spaam were the only teams in the top six to win, and saw them move to the top of the group. Oglethorpia's home win against
Runaway Moose gave them the outright lead, two points ahead of Spaam who are second on 13. Runaway Moose are third just one point behind,
with Alex The Tall who only managed a scoreless draw in 4th on 11. Gaddlands home loss to Kaze Progressa saw them slip to 5th on 10 points,
with Praying2God and Kaze equal in 6th place, two points behind. Pablitopia's win against Aerigia let them into 7th on 4 points, with Aerigia
slipping to 8th on 2, and West Gaddland last on 1 after their thrashing by Spaam.

[code:1:485aa70938]Group 9 P W D L F A GD Pts
Oglethorpia 6 5 0 1 7 2 +5 15
Spaam 6 4 1 1 9 3 +6 13
Runaway Moose 6 4 0 2 11 5 +6 12
Alex The Tall 6 3 2 1 10 5 +5 11
Gaddland 6 3 1 2 6 5 +1 10
Praying2God 6 2 2 2 9 6 +3 8
Kaze Progressa 6 2 2 2 7 7 0 8
Pablitopia 6 1 1 4 4 12 -8 4
Aerigia 6 0 2 4 0 7 -7 2
West Gaddland 6 0 1 5 1 12 -11 1
[/code:1:485aa70938]

Matchday Seven Preview

http://www.nationstates.net/images/flags/uploads/spaam.jpg VS http://www.nationstates.net/images/flags/uploads/alex_the_tall.jpg

Spaam will be looking to consolidate their place in the top 3 with a home win against Alex The Tall. This will be Spaam's 50th World Cup qualifying
game at home and are hopeful of giving the home crowd something to cheer about. Tomas Rasa will be out after his red card, and should be
replaced by Pavel Sibik. Elrik will also be out, after twisting her ankle in their match against West Gaddland, which will open up a spot for Zarí
Karskí, and will mean Mark Zevlak will be the top substitute for the forward pack.

Spaamanian Designers Preliminary Design For Svecia

Home______________ Away______________
http://drake.5p.org.uk/sveciah.jpg http://drake.5p.org.uk/sveciaa.jpg

Riding on the wave of their success with the Spaamanian national team uniform, STD (Spaamanian Transnational Designs) have released their
preliminary designs for the new Svecia national team uniform. After being contacted by the Svecian Voetbal Association, they set about creating a
design faithful to the traditional uniform seen over the past 50 years. If accepted, the new uniforms will be worn in their next match.

(OOC: If you like the design, find a place to host the pictures and then tell me when you have copied them over. If you don't, then tell me what you
want changed.)

Spaam's Qualifying Run So Far

[code:1:485aa70938]W: Spaam 2 Kaze Progressa 1
W: Praying2God 1 Spaam 2
W: Spaam 1 Gaddland 0
D: Aerigia 0 Spaam 0
L: Spaam 0 Oglethorpia 1
W: West Gaddland 0 Spaam 4
[/code:1:485aa70938]

[code:1:485aa70938]No Name P G Avge
[2] Meren Lûin 6 5 0.83
[1] Nala Eromleb 3 2 0.67
[6] Eman Olisade 5 2 0.40
[/code:1:485aa70938]

[code:1:485aa70938]No Name P G Avge
[3] Alátari Súrion 6 3 0.50
[/code:1:485aa70938]

Jeruselem

28-03-2004, 14:01

OOC

Nice one Spaam, Alan Belmore obsession?

Brazillico

28-03-2004, 14:19

“I mean, I don’t get it,” said a man lounging comfortably on a long, dark leather chair, “We’re amazing on the road and amazing against weaker teams, but we can’t do shit all against strong opposition and at home.”

“Well, first of all,” said a man standing above him with a smirk, “You’re the sports psychologist and secondly, I don’t see how this is gonna help me break 90 at golf.”

“Oh, I’m sorry Mike,” said Dr. Cosmo as he got up from the chair, and Mike subsequently took his place, “You were saying you couldn’t putt the ball very well?”

Mike: I was saying I need to spend even more on clubs. I heard they got this new one that swings and hits the ball for you.

Cosmo: You know Mike, the reason a lot of people suck at golf are because they change clubs far too often and don’t give themselves time to get used to them.

Mike: Maybe you’re right, I was on the the tee for number three..

Cosmo: 3-frickin-nil. Unbelieveable. We were rolling in just fine and then out of nowhere, we just collapse.

Mike: Still can’t get over that 3-0 loss to Halfassedstates, can you?

Cosmo: No, I’m really disappointed that we let our fans down at home yet again. It’s been a trend developing over the last few campaigns.

Mike: I’ll give you my two cents worth and tell you what the problem is. Alex Cannon, Sandro Cannon and Junior Socrates are heading up the attack. Bunch of pretty boys. They care more about looking good and making the defence look bad than putting balls into the net.

Cosmo: You might be on to something. We play our best on the road in small stadia. Perhaps if we played our home matches in a smaller venue, the boys would feel less pressure.

Mike: Actually, I was hinting at breaking up the three of them and putting in some grit.

Cosmo: You’re right, we’re lacking the kind of direct play that Anthony Trevors used to give us. I reckon he’ll get a start soon.

Mike: Adda boy.

Cosmo: I still think a change in venue might be refreshing.

Mike: How about the Campo de Suenos in San Pablo? That’s a nice small stadium.

Cosmo: Too far north, the FA would never approve of it. I was thinking something more along the lines of Cordova Park.

Mike: How big’s that one?

Cosmo: 52,000.

Mike: That oughta work. Now, can we please get back to my golf game. I am paying you 200 Coronas an hour.

Cosmo: Alright, let’s hear your problems...

The Weegies

28-03-2004, 14:29

In the university basement, two Weegie reporters squirm for a couple of minutes. John Norris and Eduardo McKinley, junior Weegie Star Sport Correspondents, shift the guard's attention to them by whispering.

"I think we may have made the wrong decision." said John.
"I know. Pina coladas never, ever agree with me." said Eduardo.
"No, about making that joke report."
"Who cares?"
"I do."
"You don't count. You're always miserable."
"Miserable people have a voice in this world."
"Yes, they do. And it's normally 'Why me, oh God whine whine whine blaeh blaeh whine."
"Shut up."
"Oh yeah, and what are you going to do? Get your posse to get me good in the prison showers? 'Pick up my soap, man.' and so on."
"You're a sick, sick person. You realise that?"
"Of course. That's why I'm sick to the best of my ability. I have a duty to the world to be as sick as possible, just as it's your duty to be miserable."
"Anyway, it's not a prison."
"The university sign give that away?"
"Hah. Hilarious."
"I know. Thank you. You may grope me now."
"Just shut up. Shut up."

One of the students/guards growls. "Both of you shut up."

John rises up from the bare bench that he was lying on. "We won't stand for this! This is an infringement of our civil liberties. Are you just locking us up for the sheer hell of it?"

The guards looked at each other. "Yes."

Eduardo groaned. "Oh God, I feel ill... stupid pina colada...."
The guard frowned. "Are you ok?"
"No, I groan for the sheer hell of it. Sometimes my groaning makes me reach a higher plane of existence."
"Really."
"You Progressairans have no sense of sarcasm, do you?"
"Nope. Lowest form of wit."
"But the most effective. And now, if you don't let me out, I'm going to throw up on your suede shoes."
"Why?"
"They need a bit of colour. I mean, who wears suede? Also, because of alcohol, y'know?"
"It's a trick. I'm not letting you out."
"How much did the shoes cost?"
"Um... a fair bit."
"Your loss."
Eduardo sprays forth. John jumps back and the guard/student screams slightly as his shoes, and his trousers are spoiled.
John frowns. "I thought you said you didn't have the chicken supreme."
Eduardo smiles as he wipes his mouth. "See, I told you you could be witty if you tried."

Bedistan

28-03-2004, 14:58

The Columbia Times

The Doctor Is In
Vu hailed as hero in Audioslavia upset

MIDWAY -- Most pundits were expecting the Bedistan Lions to lose to Audioslavia today. After all, Audioslavia has the second-best team in the world, while the Lions are only somewhere in the high twenties. The 'slaves came into the match holding the top position in Group 10, while Bedistan was a mere fourth. All signs pointed to an away victory for the 'slaves.

Apparently, someone had put up the wrong signs.

At first, it did look like the experts were right, as Aaron O'Malley opened the scoring with a left-footed blast that Fukushima simply couldn't grab. Audioslavia kept up the attack for the whole first half, though Fukushima found her form as she parried several attacks from both O'Malley and Greene.

The second half was a whole different ballgame. Five minutes in, right-side striker "Doctor" Gil Vu tied the score with a cheeky chip that went high into the air and somehow managed to evade Matty Pedder's outstretched arms. Shortly afterward, Karen Neighbors was making another attack when she was brought down by right-back Lee Branson in the box. The resulting penalty went to Dr. Vu, whose shot to the right side was true and gave the Lions a surprise lead. The victory was secured ten minutes later when Vu headed in a corner, sealing his hat trick.

"I'm flabbergasted," said manager Johnny Lewis after the match. "I told them to go out there and try their best, but I didn't actually expect a win, and certainly not by two goals! You can bet they'll be having a nice dinner tonight."

In other Group 10 news, NEWI Cefn Druids got a bit of a reality check as they fell 2-0 to Avenging Altos, whipping boys Resistencia lost 2-0 to Dennisov, Fahigland managed a 2-0 victory over Mu-Mu (I sense a trend...), and Magnus Valerius went to Iansisle and held the home team to a 1-1 draw. Combined with the Lions-'slaves result, this makes Dennisov the new group leader on 13 points. Bedistan squeaks past Audioslavia on goal difference to take second, while the Avenging Altos return to fourth place. The Druids, at one point tied for the lead, now fall to fifth place, followed by Iansisle and Magnus Valerius. The three new teams remain at the bottom of the group.

Final score:
Bedistan 3 (Vu 50, pen 56, 66)
Audioslavia 1 (O'Malley 19)

Brazillico

28-03-2004, 15:05

The Brazillico Advance

Brazillico Squeaks Out 1-0 Victory at Hawcoat
Cosmo announces wholesale changes

By Jake Tartare

The performance which Brazillico gave against Hawcoat yesterday has been synonymous with the form they’ve showed thus far throughout the campaign; unimpressive, lacklustre, dreary, uninspiring, victorious.

The Chili Bats struck in the 12th Minute on a brilliant set play from a corner. Tobias Cannon struck the corner well, lobbing the ball towards the near post. All Brazillicans were lined up at the far post, except Todd Pink who was inconspicuously lurking outside the box between the ball and the net. Pink then charged in, marked only by a single Hawcoat defender and launched himself in the air. The 6’5” Pink won the aerial challenge with ease, heading the ball swiftly to the right of the keeper.

Afterwards, the Chili Bats offensive did not seem to have the same potency as they did in the first 10 minutes, with players trying to make that extra pass or holding onto the ball a touch too long.

Fortunately, the Brazillican defence was in fine form, as it has been for most of the tournament. The back four blocked shots, cut-out passes, tackled terrifically and neutralized most of Hawcoat’s promising scoring opportunities. Any time they were able to get a shot on net, David Robinho was equal to the challenge, collecting his fourth clean sheet of the campaign in the process.

So the game ended 1-0 for Brazillico; a hardly exciting score for a hardly exciting game. Most of the fireworks came after the match, when Dr. Horatio Cosmo took to the press conference room.

“It was another sub-par performance,” said Cosmo while taking a sip of water, “I expect better and so does everyone at home. When I say performances like our last two games, I really start to question where I stand as a manager. I’ve used with a pretty relaxed IGM since I’ve been here, hoping the players’ creativity would be able to shine through, but unfortunately it hasn’t.”

“Our next match will be against Nikea, a team that currently sits above us in the standings,” continued Cosmo. “The importance of that match to us will be paramount since a win would bring us to within one point of the group lead. I don’t feel the team that took the pitch against Halfassedstates and Hawcoat are good enough to get a win so changes will be made.”

“First of all, we’re going to play with a real IGM,” stated Cosmo, “It’s a 4-1-2-1-1-1, which I like to call the Lawn Dart. Hopefully it’ll tear right through Nikea’s defence, which has only yielded one goal to date. Secondly, Anthony Trevors will get the start next match. I haven’t decided in place of who, but he’ll play in an attacking position. Trevors brings a gritty style of play to the table and isn’t afraid to get his nose dirty to score goals. That’s something we haven’t seen much from this team so far.”

Nikea’s been an irresistible force so far in qualifying, collecting 16 out of a possible 18 points to date. It looks like Cosmo’s ready for them and the question is: Will Cordova Park be their immovable object, or just another dead cow on the tracks for the Nikea Express? All this and more shall become clear when Brazillico hosts Nikea on Matchday Seven of qualifying.

Snub Nose 38

28-03-2004, 15:55

Weegies Star Sport Report.

We won.

This has been a homage to Aquilla's unique style of reporting their world cup results. No, it's not plagiarism, because it's a pastiche. Yes, that is a word. Yes, it was suppoed to be funny. Shut up. No, shut up.

I hate you with all of my little black heart.Snippet from The Remington County Record

When Weegies Star Sport Report hit the streets today, the entire nation of Snub Nose 38 chuckled in unison. This threw Asteroid B612 out of orbit. Several large atomic powered engines, designed for space travel, were employed by the Academy of Science to get our dear Asteroid back on track.

Giant Zucchini

28-03-2004, 16:11

NEWSFLASH:

The highly awaited United Powers derby clash ended with a resounding 0-0 draw. Giant Zucchini was mostly at fault, playing extremely defensively, characteristic of their recent style. Nevertheless, One Red Dot pushed and created lots of chances, but Oog was there to keep yet another clean sheet for the Zucchinis. The Zucchinis now stand second in the group.

Snub Nose 38

28-03-2004, 16:22

Scuttlebutt - Fairy Tale Edition

Gadzooks!
"38 Special Stadium, Sten Mike Easter

"Snub Nose Hooligans got on the stick!
Gave them Aserjins a great big kick!
Aserjin came and Aserjin went
Sporting (rear-wards) a great big dent!
Aserjin...aspirin? Probably need some."

These are the words of the Snub Nose 38 Hooligan Cheerleaders half-time cheer earlier today at "38 Special" stadium, resulting in the arrest of the entire squad by the Sheriff of Remington County. The arrest was preceeded by the customary rotten vegetable toss - the Cheerleaders being the target as usual - complete with the requisite small goat, as well as several extremely annoyed alley cats. The Sheriff of Remington County made a stop at Saint Swithens Hospital on the way to the county jail to allow the Cheerleaders to have the multiple scratch wounds tended to.

What is going on? Six matches, six wins? I tell you, reporters Snub Nose 38 over are completely at as loss as to what to write.

Five clean sheets? One goal against?

Please - somebody wake me up.

Or rather...don't. Just let me enjoy the dream.

---------------------------------------------------------

The Remington County Record

Construction - No, Re-Constuction - Begun
Sten Lauren D'Order

Following today's 2 - 0 victory over Aserjin by the Hooligans, a huge team of carpenters, electricians, plumbers, mortisans, construction workers of all ilks and trades, today began re-construction of the Country Estate of the Minister of Athletics, Olympics, and Alcoholic Beverages.

The Minister himself stood watching on a nearby hill, drinking "38 Special" beer. Occasionally he broke into a little jig.

You will remember that following the debacle of the failure of the Hooligans to qualify for World Cup 12 The Guy Currently In Charge Of Stuff For The Frost-Free Borderlands Of Snub Nose 38 had the mansion torn down, burnt, buried, the earth turned over and thoroughly salted. This meant that the first step in construction was the removal and replacement of the entire top three feet of soil of the entire estate. Boy, that was something to watch! They had 400,000 guys out there with shovels! I'm told Saint Swithens' had to open a new "Back Bent Like A Pretzel Ward" to handle all the exhaustion cases.

Constuction Foreman Izzy Bonkers says the mansion itself will be finished and ready for occupation in two weeks, although the gardens and landscaping may take up to a decade.

The Weegies

28-03-2004, 16:23

OOC: Free the Kaze Two! Free the Kaze Two!

Kingsford

28-03-2004, 17:15

OOC: Much apologies for the belatedness, I am only now able to access the forums. RPs for my first 5 games will come soon, I promise.

Secaucus Community Theatre Presents:
4teen.
A Musical
Act II

Scene: Jay and Silent Bob are in the “Super Captains’ Locker Room,” reading a letter.

JAY: Hey Morris Day and the Time Tribute Team! Come in here!
CARL SHETFIELD: Does he have to mention our stupid name ever time he addresses us?
JAY: I got our schedule today! I know who we’re playing.
BRIAN MORSTEDD: Who?
JAY: Here, I’ll read it to you.

Tanah Burung v. Kingsford
Kingsford v. Raptor Claw
Svecia v. Kingsford
Kingsford v. Ravenspire
Skipdonia v. Kingsford
Kingsford v. Alpha Commune
Stalag 5 v. Kingsford
Kingsford v. Melmond
BSE Free Bovines v. Kingsford
Kingsford v. Tanah Burung
Raptor Claw v. Kingsford
Kingsford v. Svecia
Ravenspire v. Kingsford
Kingsford v. Skipdonia
Alpha Commune v. Kingsford
Kingsford v. Stalag 5
Melmond v. Kingsford
Kingsford v. BSE Free Bovines

SONNY NORDIC: Couldn’t you have just said that days 10-18 are reverse of the first 9?
JAY: Where’s the fun in that? Anyways, you guys don’t practice enough. You need to be like me.
SATURN CALCETE: Sit around all day and do drugs?
JAY: Yeah—No! I mean, even though I don’t practice, I still think really hard about it. You guys aren’t thinking hard enough.
CARL SHETFIELD: We practice for 9 hours a day. TB’s a big game. You know, they’re right on our northern border.
JAY: I thought that was New York?
BRIAN MORSTEDD: Huh?
CARL SHETFIELD: They’re from New Jersey.
BRIAN MORSTEDD: New Jersey? What happened to Old Jersey? Or just original Jersey?
SONNY NORDIC: I think it’s in Ohio, east of Columbus.
CARL SHETFIELD: That’s Newark, you moron. And they pronounce it “Nerk” there anyways.
BRIAN MORSTEDD: Nerk? What’s Nerk?
CARL SHETFIELD: Newark is a city in New Jersey.
BRIAN MORSTEDD: Why is it in Ohio then?
CARL SHETFIELD: No, there’s two cities called Newark. One in New Jersey and one in Ohio.
BRIAN MORSTEDD: Where are New Jersey and Ohio?
CARL SHETFIELD: New Jersey is south of New York—
BRIAN MORSTEDD: What happened to York? Where is that?
CARL SHETFIELD: Pennsylvania.
SONNY NORDIC: No, that’s Hershey. You got them confused because they make York Peppermint Patties in Hershey, but the city isn’t called York.
CARL SHETFIELD: Yes, but there is also a city in Pennsylvania called York.
BRIAN MORSTEDD: Where’s Pennsylvania?
CARL SHETFIELD: It’s Southwest of New York.
BRIAN MORSTEDD: If you’re gonna use New York as a reference point, at least tell me where it is.
CARL SHETFIELD: It’s south of Canada.
BRIAN MORSTEDD: Canada?
CARL SHETFIELD: Yeah, you know, Canada? The nation that speaks both French and English?
BRIAN MORSTEDD: …Eauz?
CARL SHETFIELD: What? No! It borders the great lakes, like Lake Erie, which is North of Ohio, which is west of Pennsylvania, which is southwest of New York, which is north of New Jersey.
BRIAN MORSTEDD: Wait… Where’s Newark again?
JAY: Will you morons shut up? You wasted all that precious RP space with that mindless rambling.
BRIAN MORSTEDD: Chicken of the Sea? Is it Chicken or Tuna? What?
JAY: Uhh… yeah. So… since you guys have motivation and self esteem problems
SONNY NORDIC: We don’t have self esteem problems!
JAY: You’re stupid and you smell funny.
SONNY NORDIC: Aww…
JAY: I’ve brought in a motivational speaker. Ladies and gentlemen—
CARL SHETFIELD: There’s no ladies. They play on the Lady Kingsford National.
JAY: I stand uncorrected with NordicTrack as my proof
SONNY NORDIC: Aww…
JAY: I present, the present Sheriff of Crimpton County, Mr. Henry Tuck!
HENRY TUCK: Thank you, thank you. Now, when I started my professional streaking career 6 years ago, I never dreamt I’d be an international superstar. Everyone wanted to use me in their RPs. Plus, I drove law enforcement insane.
JAY: Right on!
HENRY TUCK: But as soon as I took the field in Lemmitania, with tens of thousands of people on looking, I felt like the world was in my hand. Then a bullet from the ex-Sheriff of Crimpton County ripped into my right buttocks and now I can’t walk, but I still felt so alive, so wonderful, so carefree. And young men, you can do this too. We both share the same playing ground, but a different sport. You know what I mean? Like, I used to run across naked, while you actually used hard work and practice to hone your skills well enough to be not as famous as me. Who took the better career choice now, suckers?
SONNY NORDIC: Aren’t you supposed to be motivational?
HENRY TUCK: Shut up, woman!
SONNY NORDIC: …I’ll set the stadium on fire…
HENRY TUCK: Now. In my 5 seconds of fame, I realized three points to being successful. Point 1. Take of your clothes, and make sure they’re Velcro. Point 2. Run really fast towards the ball. Point 3. Avoid security. And bullets. Alright, that’s all I have, thanks for having me here. Are there any questions?
BRIAN MORSTEDD: Where’s Newark?
HENRY TUCK: Newark is a magical place where many boys and girls play
Newark is a place I know and love and visit every day.
The air smells like toenails and the sky is a shade of brown
Newark, oh Newark! It makes a body proud!

The Devils, The Nets, the Jets, the Metrostars!
CARL SHETFIELD: Metrostars!
HENRY TUCK: Monkey knife fights, and chasing hobos with cars!
CARL SHETFIELD: with cars!
HENRY TUCK: Newark! Oh Newark! It makes a body proud!
JAY: Makes a body proud!
HENRY TUCK: Newark!
SONNY NORDIC: New Jersey!
HENRY TUCK: Oh Newark!
SONNY NORDIC: New Jersey!
HENRY TUCK: It makes, a, body…
JAY: Proud!
BRIAN MORSTEDD: While this is all so nice and fine
I’ve quite enjoyed this song
I still hold just one question I’ve
Been holding all along
The fighting monkeys, chasing geese, and the birds that chirp
While they all sound oh so nice, still…

Where the ---- is Nerk?

CARL SHETFIELD: In New Jersey!
HENRY TUCK: The Garden State
CARL SHETFIELD: On the East Coast!
HENRY TUCK: Next to the water, mate
CARL SHETFIELD: In the USA!
HENRY TUCK: The red, white, and blue
CARLSHETFIELD: The western Hemisphere!
HENRY TUCK: It’s the best one of all, oh!

Newark! Oh Newark! It makes a body Proud!
Newark! Oh Newark! It makes a body Proud!
BRIAN MORSTEDD: I give up!
Newark!
HENRY TUCK: That’s the way!
BRIAN MORSTEDD: Oh Newark!
HENRY TUCK: Sing it out!
BRIAN MORSTEDD: It makes a body Proud!
HENRY TUCK: One last time!
BRIAN MORSTEDD: It makes, a, body…
JAY: Proud!

Bedistan

28-03-2004, 17:34

BediStat Releases Predictions for Group 10

One-third of the way through qualifying, Dennisov sits at the top of the group, trailed by Bedistan, Audioslavia, Avenging Altos, and NEWI Cefn Druids, in that order. Audioslavia, the obvious group favorites, are doing reasonably well, though they have suffered two losses in their first six matches. In fact, strangly enough, the Bedistan Lions are the only undefeated team in the group, currently 3-3-0.

So you might be wondering: what will this group look like when it's all over? Glad you asked. We here at BediStat, after doing some exhaustive calculations and factoring in a little bit of luck, have finally come up with this admittedly rather shocking final table prediction.

[code:1:f199024683]Pos Team P W D L F A GD Pts
1 Bedistan 18 10 8 0 25 7 18 38
2 Dennisov 18 10 7 1 22 9 13 37
3 Iansisle 18 8 8 2 17 9 8 32
4 Avenging Altos 18 8 6 4 23 16 7 30
5 Audioslavia 18 8 4 6 22 15 7 28
6 NEWI Cefn Druids 18 7 6 5 15 14 1 27
7 Fahigland 18 7 1 10 11 21 -10 22
8 Magnus Valerius 18 4 8 6 15 17 -2 20
9 Free Radicals of Mu-Mu 18 2 3 13 7 26 -19 9
10 Resistencia 18 0 1 17 1 24 -23 1[/code:1:f199024683]

Yes, that's right: our staff are predicting the Lions to somehow finish top of the group, still undefeated. Our team has never gone undefeated, unless you count our 2-2-0 performance in the first round of Harmony Cup 3. They're also predicting Dennisov to finish just behind on 37 points, followed by Iansisle in third. But what of Audioslavia? Apparently, they're predicted to have a lousy 4-4-4 run in the final twelve matches and a final position of fifth in the group. I tried to remind the staff that this is World Cup 13, not 5, but they wouldn't listen.

Oh, and their predictions for Bedistan's remaining matches:
@ Mu-Mu W 1-0
v NEWI W 2-0
@ Fahig W 1-0
@ Altos D 1-1 (GRR, even our stats experts don't think we can ever beat them!)
@ Ian W 1-0
v Denn D 1-1
@ Res W 1-0
v Magnus D 1-1
@ Audio D 1-1
v Mu-Mu W 3-0
@ NEWI D 1-1
v Fahig W 2-0

So take that as you may, but I'd say we stand a pretty good chance of making it.

[OOC: I don't know...Audio falling all the way to 5th? Sounds fishy to me...]

[OOC2: If you don't like the prediction, blame TEN -- he gave me the idea. ;)]

Audioslavia

28-03-2004, 18:15

Audioslavia Ministry for Strandom Rats And Drivel Announcement

the AMStRaD corporation has published the following predictions for the post-WC13 rankings:

1: Audioslavia
150: Bedistan

AMStRad would like to point out that this is a simulation, and not a bitchy retort to Bedistat's prediction of Audioslavia's demise ;)

In other news

Audioslavia got a right royal ass-kicking away to Bedistan yesterday. Despite O`Malley's nineteenth minute strike which was supposed to put the Lions on the back foot, Bedistan gained strength in the run-in to half time and came out the other end with all guns blazing. Wunderkid Gil Vu equalized for the Lions with a delightful chip which caught Pedder flat-footed and out of position. The 'slaves had just come to terms with the goal when horn-dog Lee Branson pounced on a girl in the area, gifting a penalty to Bedistan which gave them a 2-1 lead.

Bedistan continued to press, frustrating the 'slaves with some neat possesion play until Gil Vu lunged at a cross to head the winner.

Final Score

Audioslavia 1 (O`Malley 19)
Bedistan 3 (Vu Vu Voom)

The Eagles Nest

28-03-2004, 18:40

*the story didn't go through, all you receive is various static*

The Eagles Nest

28-03-2004, 18:45

The fax machine that the story was slowly printing on caught fire and burnt down.

The Eagles Nest

28-03-2004, 18:47

well, the courier who was hand delivering the message go hit by a bus and the paper fell in the puddle.

Email...yeah, email.

The Eagles Nest

28-03-2004, 18:47

Eagle's Nest Scores More Than 2 Goals

TV Commentator Lauded After 3-0 Win

The Eagle's Nest scored 3 goals in another clean sheet against Fortuna Prospera breaking the unfortunate maximum of 2 goals that they had been scoring. Common belief is that the 'odd' RP piece by Sam Smith during the recap show allowed the Nest to score more than 2 goals and has been lauded by the common masses.

The game opened up in front of 82,004 screaming Eagle's Nest Fans and 196 Fortuna Prospera fans quickly with Mario Gratunia and Josh Adams each scoring a goal on the overmatched Fortuna Prospera defense to go up 2-0 before the halftime. However, the next 5 shots veered away from the goal at the last second, and it was apparent the 2 goal ceiling was still in place.

During halftime, a snippet of the recap show was played showing the can-can routine and then the the many thousand fans began to do a massive chorus line rendition of the can-can that bounced the stadium and it apprently bounced enouogh that the settings on the switches for goals on the RP machine actually jostled from 2...to 3.

The second half the FP offense actually came on strong and make the second half a good strike-counterstrike half but with 10 minutes left, Josh Adams had a long shot start trailing towards the left edge of teh net, tailing away as yet another miss but a suddenly wind gust came in and twisted the ball just off the inside of the bar to make the third goal.

The crowd erupted in euphoria. The ceiling was raised...but how high? The next shot was point blank on goal but again the ball curved away from teh net, and the crowd groaned. They started to dance again but time ran out before any more true chances could occur.

Tomorrow's game against Vozvyshennost will need the higher RP ceiling since Vozy has a higher rank, but has yet to RP once. Hopefully the RP can carry us through to stay within a point of group leading Gesamtkunswerk.

Coach Aefnen on the third goal.

"Thank goodness for that dancing. Theat TV guy is an absolute genious. I think we may hire him for some more RP snippets to help boost our scoring average. Plus if we do get Horace in 3 days, that will help as well."

Scoring

The Eagle's Nest
M. Gratunio (2) 12:43
J. Adams (7) 42:34
J. Adams (8 ) 79:13

Fortuna Prospera
None

MatchDay 6 Recap

The Eagle's Nest tied for high scroe of the day with a 3-0 win with tomorrow's opponent Vozyyshennost. Mattigool also scored 3, but gave 2 from Commerce Heights. Commerce Heights is still in the think of things, but are currently in a surprising 6th place. Experts note that if Gesamtkuntswerk win 4 and both Fortuna Prospera and Gleam Street lose the next 4, they will be eliminated after game 10. Gleam Street and Mordecei did get their first points with a 1-1 tie with each other.

Commerce Heights 2 Mattigool 3
Formula One Racing 0 Vozvyshennost 3
Gesamtkuntswerk 2 Anti-Nazis 0
Gleam Street 1 Mordecei 1
The Eagles Nest 3 Fortuna Prospera 0

[code:1:1f38fdc2ed]
Pos Team W D L F A GD Pts PP
1 Gesamtkuntswerk 5 1 0 11 0 11 16 52
2 The Eagle's Nest 5 0 1 10 4 6 15 51
3 Vozvyshennost 4 1 1 8 1 7 13 49
4 Mattigool 4 0 2 11 5 6 12 48
5 Anti-Nazis 3 1 2 9 5 4 10 46
6 Commerce Heights 3 1 2 7 5 2 10 46
7 Formula One Racing 2 0 4 3 9 -6 6 42
8 Fortuna Prospera 1 0 5 2 10 -8 3 39
9 Mordecei 0 1 5 1 9 -8 1 37
10Gleam Street 0 1 5 2 16 -14 1 37
[/code:1:1f38fdc2ed]

The Eagle's Nest WCXIII Qualifying Campaign
Eagle's Nest @ Gleam Street Win 2-0
Eagle's Nest v. Mordecei Win 1-0
Eagle's Nest @ Gesamtkuntswerk Loss 0-3
Eagle's Nest v. Mattigool Win 2-1
Eagle's Nest @ Formula One Racing Win 2-0
Eagle's Nest v. Fortuna Prospera Win 3-0
Eagle's Nest @ Vozvyshennost
Eagle's Nest v. Commerce Heights
Eagle's Nest @ Anti-Nazis
Eagle's Nest v. Gleam Street
Eagle's Nest @ Mordecei
Eagle's Nest V. Gesamtkuntswerk
Eagle's Nest @ Mattigool
Eagle's Nest v. Formula One Racing
Eagle's Nest @ Fortuna Prospera
Eagle's Nest v. Vozvyshennost
Eagle's Nest @ Commerce Heights
Eagle's Nest v. Anti-Nazis

Melmond

28-03-2004, 19:37

Fearless Farmers Have Bad Bad Luck
Despite Some Social Distortion, Ravenspire Escapes With 2-0 Victory
By Jim Dwordorf of the Aldi Tribune

ALDI, MELMOND—This match certainly was gut check time for both the Fearless Farmers of Melmond and the Ravens of Ravenspire. Both nations have similar histories on the political level, both being founded during the infancy of the NationStates planet and an understanding of each other histories. However, in terms of football experience, these nations are worlds apart. Melmond is a new squad on the rise in international competition whereas Ravenspire is widely known as a venerable world-class team on the decline. Key points in the race to qualify for the World Cup final were at stake at the sunny and full Microcosm Stadium in Aldi.
However, some very interesting things happened before the match even started. The Ravenspire Ravens came onto the pitch at Microcosm Stadium in their sharp black and crimson uniforms. However, one overzealous fan thought that the Ravenspire players were vampire rights demonstrators as the colors of the vampire community are also black and crimson. The vampirophobe cast out a HRM3 spell which was ultimately ineffective since there were no undead at the game. She was ejected from the premises.
In contrast, a class move by the Melmond Football Association. A moment of silence was planned in honor of the fallen players of last year’s Ravenspire team. This certainly increased the good will from both sides. Emerging from that class act came class football, and the fans were treated to an exciting first half.
The Fearless Farmers were certainly fired up to be back in their home country and having 60,000 of their countrymen, women, and genderqueers cheering for them. Melmond was in control for most of the half, putting a lot of pressure on the Ravenspire defense. Fullback Nina Steen and Sergio Ortiz made sure that the Ravenspire offense got no chances at the goal with masterful tackling and finding the open midfielders. Midfielders Critandi Unne and Cristina Antunez made masterful passes and kept the Ravenspire defense on their toes. At the 16th minute, it appears that the Fearless Farmers were about to make a breakthrough. Hometown hero Chris Owen shoots a rocket of a shot out of Ravenspire goalkeeper Angelo Harrington’s reach. However, Ravenspire defender Joseph Fox was able to deflect it. This is where bad luck scenario one happened. In the first ever game for Melmond against Svecia, the first goal ever given up by the Fearless Farmers was a similar situation where the Svecia player hit the ball which Nina Steen kicked to hit the post. However that ball went in the goal. Joseph Fox’s kick hit the goal post but went back on the field. Fox was able to clear it right away. Despite the pressing offense and 5 shots on goal compared to Ravenspire’s none, the game was tied nil-nil at the half.
In the second half, the Fearless Farmers continued their hard charging ways while Ravenspire countered with some unorthodox maneuvers which caught the Melmond defense off guard. The Ravens put more players on the attack, even there defenders were seen on the offensive side more. Melmond could have easily broke away and made the easy goal with a single Ravenspire mistake. However, the risk paid off. Now here comes bad luck scenario two. A pass to an open Kyria Chase caught the all the Fearless Farmers out of position except one, veteran goalkeeper Cory Yankovic. She was in position to make the easy save, however she chose an inopportune time to do her Piet van Meer impression. She was there to catch the ball, but the ball just passed through her hands! Cory hung her head simultaneously as the ball hit the net and the crowd groaned. A fluke goal for Kyria Chase and Ravenspire has the 1-nil lead at the 57th minute.
Flowing football continued through the second half on both sides, with Melmond constantly threatening and Ravenspire countering. However, at the 79th minute, bad luck scenario number three came into play. While trying to look to look for the right angle to shoot the ball as she closed in onto the goalkeeper’s box, Ravenspire’s Setsuna Shirosawa was tackled by Melmond defender Jonsi Torrini. The referee called a foul and a penalty! The crowd was irate as the tackle was clearly outside the goalkeeper’s box! One fan through his daughter’s talking Nina Steen doll at the referee, which proceeded to hit him in the head and say “Vengeance is mine!” This fan was also ejected from the premises. Shirosawa got the penalty kick and Cory Yankovic guessed wrong making it 2-nil Ravenspire. It will end that way. Despite some of the fan animosity, both sides showed their goodwill by an old fashioned shaking of hands at the center of the pitch.
Perhaps it’s about time for the football community to remove the “once” from the description “once great Ravenspire.” It’s as if Ravenspire manager Kaede Kitsuki used a CUR3 spell on the Ravenspire program. They are now certainly one of the favorites in Group 1. Melmond is certainly not out, as they are only two points behind third place Stalag 5. The Fearless Farmers certainly will not overlook their next opponent Alpha Commune.

Goals
Chase, RAV 57th
Shirosawa, RAV 79th

Cards
None

Standings

Other Group 1 Results
Kingsford 0 – Alpha Commune 0
Skipdonia 0 – Tanah Burung 2
Stalag 5 0 – Raptor Claw 0
Svecia 0 – BSE Free Bovines 1

Group 1
Pts W D L GF:GA GD
1. Tanah Burung 15 5 0 1 11: 2 9
2. Ravenspire 15 5 0 1 11: 3 8
3. Stalag 5 11 3 2 1 7: 6 1
4. Svecia 10 3 1 2 8: 3 5
5. Melmond 9 3 0 3 4: 9 -5
6. Kingsford 8 2 2 2 5: 4 1
7. BSE Free Bovines 6 1 3 2 5: 7 -2
8. Raptor Claw 5 1 2 3 5: 9 -4
9. Skipdonia 3 1 0 5 2: 8 -6
10.Alpha Commune 2 0 2 4 1: 8 -7

Melmond Team Stats
Goals: Critandi Unne (2), Chris Owen (1), Diallo Unne (1)
Cards: Cristina Antunez (1), Jonsi Torrini (1)

Melmond National Team Schedule

@ Svecia L 4-0
v Skipdonia (Farmers Field, Melmond City) W 1-0
@ Tanah Burung L 2-0
v BSE Free Bovines (Lifedonations Stadium, Morales) W 1-0
@ Raptor Claw W 2-1
v Ravenspire (Microcosm Stadium, Aldi) L 2-0
@ Alpha Commune
@ Kingsford
v Stalag 5 (Walladome, Acosta)
v Svecia (Unne Sports Temple, Unne)
@ Skipdonia
v Tanah Burung (Xpress Counsel Field, Cali)
@ BSE Free Bovines
v Raptor Claw (Woocat Books Ballpark, O’Connor)
@ Ravenspire
v Alpha Commune (MPNK Stadium, Faasen)
v Kingsford (TBA)
@ Stalag 5

Next Game
at Alpha Commune

On paper, this may be the easiest match to date for the Fearless Farmers, starting their two game road trip against cellar dwelling Alpha Commune. However as they learned against Raptor Claw, it is never wise to overlook a lower ranked opponent. Don’t expect Melmond to get arrogant or let up at all. This is a tune up game of sorts for the Fearless Farmers as a match at Kingsford looms. At least the Fearless Farmers of Melmond are guaranteed at least one point in this match. The Paranoid Pinkos of Alpha Commune are true communists. They do not want to win. They want all games to end in egalitarian ties. So far they have succeeded that goal against BSE Free Bovines and on the road against Kingsford. Manager Felix Coostatlwak continues to show the faith in his starting lineup he had since day one.

GK- Cory Yankovic
D- Jonsi Torrini
D- Sergio Ortiz
D- Paul “Edgy” Shields
D- Nina Steen
M- Martin Goodwin
M- Critandi Unne
M- Camui Arai
M- Cristina Antunez
F- Chris Owen
F- Benjamin Leeb

For tickets to Alpha Commune and the game, call the Therewegoes Travel Agency at 3-18-357-9009. We stress that you do not bring anything too flashy to this communist country as it will likely be confiscated and replaced with cheap crap.

Oglethorpia

28-03-2004, 20:45

The Bureaucratic Tribune
The Bureaucratic States' most readily available publication.

Wonderteam earn home victory
Runaway Moose defeated on Wonderteam-home soil

By Bill Christmas

OGLETHORPIA (BT) -- In a match that would determine who would lead group nine, Oglethorpia preformed admirably in their home stadium against pre-group nine leaders Runaway Moose. After fulltime, however, Alces Rex would leave Amalgamated Stadium sitting 3rd in the group nine table behind Spaam and the recently triumphant Wonderteam. Prior to the matchday six faceoff with the Runaway Moose powerhouse, normally-radical (and wheelchair-bound) manager/coach Dick Egoson had played rather conservatively in an orthodox 3-5-2 -- which had only garnered them one loss on matchday one.

Today, though, Egoson would test the waters with his 2-3-5; a "Footballing Machine" as one writer described it, a Wonderteam offense tailored not to shoot for finesse but to shoot in quantity and hope one or two went in. With five forwards fielded, keeping them back would be trouble. Luckily for Egoson, a weak Wonderteam backfield saw few threats from Alces Rex during the matches' 90 minutes.

Matchday six saw the typical Wonderteam lineup -- sans retiree-Archy Ferdinand and retired Kirk Calhoun, Jim Green and Carl Redressedreallylonggiantzucchinistylename substituting the two starters respectively.

With Yamamoto-san in goal, Mike Brown and Samson Grey left on defense, Jim Green, normally a defense substitute, was moved up to midfield, playing alongside Jerome Furukawa and team captain Fernando Green. Egoson's five-man offense was composed of Torrence Black, Jorge White, Carl Redressedreallylonggiantzucchinistylename, Floyd Black and Baltasar Grey.

But for all the 12 shots the Wonderteam offense took against the Alces Rex goalie, all failed to make it in. A strong offense fielded by Runaway Moose penetrated a meager Oglethorpian backfield, but for all five chances Alces Rex had on Ken'Ichi Yamamoto, none of them resulted in a goal. Going into the half, the match seemed like a draw between two very evenly matched group nine sides.

"Man, the 2-3-5 would have us at 6-nil if Torrence Black weren't playing so bad," commented Egoson. "It's absolutely perfect -- all we need is the personel to pull it off, but we don't. It's just- aaarrrrggghhh!"

Despite his displeasure with the 2-3-5's failure to put any goals on the scoreboard, Egoson stated that he would continue with the formation into the second half.

Torrence Black was putting on a fine preformance -- but he refused to object at his coach's criticism of his playing. "You don't argue with a man in a wheelchair. They always say you're being abusive, or all that crap."

Come the second half however, Torrence Black would prove himself with a near goal outright.

From the left wing of Egoson's five-man offense all the way down to Torrence Black on the right, his shot on the upper-left corner of the net barely missed off the crossbar -- a collective sigh from Oglethorpia's home crowd permeating Amalgamated Stadium.

Alces Rex had a chance shortly after in the 51st. An exposed Wonderteam backfield almost let one by, but Yamamoto-san came up with a diving save that was cleared away by Mike Brown, narrowly avoiding a goal by Alces Rex Forward Dude #2.

Oglethorpia's best chance came in the 68th minute -- and Torrence Black was able to convert. Ping-ponged between the Alces Rex defense and a swarm of Oglethorpian forwards, Torrence Black finally regained the ball and had enough time to send a grounder into the goal to give the Wonderteam a 1-nil lead.

Runaway Moose nearly put the equalizer in in the early 70th minute -- with the linesman's ruling of offsides, Alces Rex Forward Dude #1 failed to earn the equalizer for his side. Come fulltime Oglethorpia secured a 1-nil victory over Runaway Moose.

"It's a great win," said one critic, "but Egoson's radical playing style needs to be refined -- 14 shots and only 1 goal is a tribute to how many chances this offense can make, but how poorly it's executed. Egoson can blame his players, but he has to get it working before he uses his 2-3-5 again."

---

THE FACTS
(Brought to you by Amalgamated Industries Inc.)

Oglethorpia - 1 (T. Black 68th)
Runaway Moose - 0

Eauz

28-03-2004, 22:30

Le LIBRE

Back on Track

Entering the match against “The Redavic Union, Les Bleus were tied in tight race with the two strong holds of group 8. The match started off on a bad note, when there were shots fired, leaving the stadium silent. Though, when they occurred, the audience acted as if nothing happened, with only Les Bleus Player watching. One could see this was going to be a strict match.

Coming into the match, Bernard Yeuseuv, the goalkeeper found himself only giving up 2 goals in the past 5 matches. Bernard would be tested early by the Redavic Union team, with 4 shots on goal, all resulting in being saved. Yeuseuv yelled at his defence to smarten up. Les Bleus came back with an attack during the 20th minute, resulting in a goal. Also playing his first match in place of Figeu, was Soiy. Soiy proved to his team why he was on the team, by shooting from long distance another goal at the 34th minute of the match, putting Les Bleus up 2 – 0 early.

Throughout the match though, the crowd was quiet, unless forced to cheer, when there was a sign that said to. It appeared they were under some control. Thus, the crowd really had no effect on Les Bleus. The defence for Les Bleus proved to be improved after being yelled at, as there was no real legitimate attack on Yeuseuv after. As time ticked down, Les Bleus sent one last strike on The Red Union’s goal, going slightly higher than the net. Les Bleus would take the match 2 – 0.

The coach was quite happy with the match, and said, “I think we played well tonight, but we could have scored more. I’m glad we are able to keep up with the top teams, and hope that we can get a little break soon, possibly with a loss by both of those teams. Fortunately, they both have to play each other, so one team is going to lose, which means, we just have to keep up the winning.”

After speaking to the coach, he left quickly out the door, with his team. One of them said, “Let’s get out of here!”

More information about the next match later…

*Le Libre would like to apologize for the ugly comment about the country of Oglethorpia.

Round 1: Tadjikistan @ Eauz W 0 - 4
Round 2: Eauz @ Intelligent Madness W 4 - 0
Round 3: Liverpool England @ Eauz W 1 - 2
Round 4: Eauz @ Zephyrs W 2 - 0
Round 5: Europa Brittania @ Eauz L 1 - 0
Round 6: Eauz @ The Redavic Union W 2 - 0
Round 7: Just an egg @ Eauz
Round 8: Eauz @ Gormith
Round 9: East Spaam @ Eauz
Round 10: Eauz @ Tadjikistan
Round 11: Intelligent Madness @ Eauz
Round 12: Eauz @ Liverpool England
Round 13: Zephyrs @ Eauz
Round 14: Eauz @ Europa Brittania
Round 15: The Redavic Union @ Eauz
Round 16: Eauz @ Just an Egg
Round 17: Gormith @ Eauz
Round 18: East Spaam @ Eauz

[code:1:8c86f7575a]
Group 8
Pts W D L GF:GA GD
1. Liverpool England 15 5 0 1 16: 4 12
2. Eauz 15 5 0 1 14: 2 12
3. Europa Brittania 15 5 0 1 12: 2 10
4. East Spaam 10 3 1 2 8: 6 2
5. Gormith 8 2 2 2 6: 5 1
6. The Redavic Union 7 2 1 3 7:10 -3
7. Intelligent Madness 6 1 3 2 4:13 -9
8. Zephyrs 3 0 3 3 4:10 -6
9. Just an egg 2 0 2 4 1: 8 -7
10.Tadjikistan 2 0 2 4 3:15 -12

[/code:1:8c86f7575a]

Melmond

28-03-2004, 23:14

Melmond

29-03-2004, 00:09

Matmel's Talking Player Dolls A Huge Hit, Especially for Referee
Referee Hit By Nina Steen Doll Retires a Millionaire After Selling It
By Jim Dwordorf of the Aldi Tribune

Referee Not Ronaldo was very glad to hear that he was being sent to Aldi, Melmond for the Melmond-Ravenspire match. Not only would he be refereeing an important World Cup qualifying game, but he can go to a place with weather and beaches similar to his native Brazillico, except the locals are a little on the pasty side. Little did he realize that he would become a millionaire and not work a day in his life after that game.
Not Ronaldo was the referee who was beaned in the head by a Nina Steen doll in its Melmond National Team uniform which was thrown by an irate fan who was angry about a controversial call which helped give Ravenspire a 2-nil lead.
Not Ronaldo put the doll in his pocket and after the game decided to put the doll on mBay. He heard about the major marketing success of the talking dolls. The talking dolls were a promotion in Aldi in order to bring families to the game. There were 2,500 Chris Owen dolls made and 2,500 Nina Steen dolls made. They have realistic hair and their football outfits can be changed from the National Team kit to their Aldi Reds club kit. The wildly successful promotion has other nations calling Matmel to make dolls of their players for them.
Not Ronaldo not only had the hot property item on the doll itself, but this doll had infamous sentimental value. The doll sold for 2 million wong on mBay. It was bought by a Commerce Heights billionaire and football aficionado known simply as "$" (nee Leslie Decadent). When asked about why he wanted the infamous doll, he said, "Ever since I divorced my wife...uh what was her name.....she was number five...I think...well anyway I needed a woman in my life." This perky minaturized version of Nina Steen here can keep me company. The Nina Steen doll chimed in, "Eat lead Cobra!"
He is now looking for the man who threw the doll as he wants to buy the Aldi Reds outfit as well. He is offering up to 10,000 simoleans.
As for what Not Ronaldo is going to do for retirement, the Brazillico native said, "I am going to retire to Steve's Island! I got this sweet bribe...uh....I mean.....Steve is a really sweet guy."

Largent

29-03-2004, 00:13

LNSNN Report

Sam: Welcom back to another LNSNN Report. And we are your hosts, Sam and Susan.

Susan: First lets talk about the Tigers in the world cup.

Sam: Yes, lets. I find it odd that they can tie the #8 seed in the world but get beaten by much lower ranked nations. With their new line-up they should be winning. Their goalie will probably be ably to stop all attack with his defense backing him up.

Susan: Yes, I said before there may be an ajusting period but if they loose agin i don't know what I'll say. Its just plain weird.

Sam: Word of advice, never gamble on the Tiger.

Susan: They have yet to win.

Sam: Theres always a WC14 but I think coach Quaday is just pissed by now. He had such high hopes. Lets go to our locker room cam to see what he is saying to his loosing team right now...

Coach: I am really dissapointed. What I saw out there was fine... for second graders! If the next game isn't won I am making drastic changes to the line-up and to the next Woeld Cup. Rather than brining the Largent national champs I will bring the Larent all-star team.

Player: But coach, its not our fault. We've been doing everything right.

Coach: Then do everything better!

Susan: Harsh words his players probably didn't diserve. They have really shown their stuff against some tough teams.

Sam: but they didn't show their stuff against some really easy teams.

Susan: True, but its just all the more motivation.

Sam: Tune in tomorow as we further discover whats happening behind the lines with the Largent Tigers...

Eauz

29-03-2004, 01:17

Preview of Match Day 7

Les Bleus travel back to Zuka, to play infront of a home crowd against newbie Just an Egg.

Stats for Just an Egg:

Currently they are 9th place in group 8, with 2 points. No wins, 2 ties, and 4 loses. Their GF/GA ratio is -7. Just an Egg has only scores 1 goal in 6 matches, which will make it hard for them to get past Les Bleus goalkeeper. Just an Egg though, has played well against good teams, losing 2-0 against Liverpool England, and 1-0 Europa Brittania. Look for The Eggs to come out fighting. They seem to play well against tough opponents. The last match the Eggs played in, resulted in a 0 - 0 tie against Gormith.

Look for a well played match on both sides, but don't expect Les Bleus to give much leaning room for those Eggs.

Predictions:
2 - 0 win for Les Bleus

Brazillico

29-03-2004, 03:54

The Brazillico Advance

Tragedy Strikes in Melmond
Not Ronaldo forced into retirement

By Jake Tartare

Not Ronaldo, one of Brazillico’s most decorated international referees was forced to hang up the whistle today, after a tragic doll throwing incident ended his career. It all developed when one of Ravenspire’s midfielders made a borderline tackle into Melmond striker , Chris Owen. The entire Melmond side, including goaltender Cory Yankovic, swarmed around Not Ronaldo to petition for a free kick. However, the Melmondians failed to realize that Not Ronaldo had never blown the whistle and the Ravenspirians launched an attack up field. Seven players stormed up the pitch, yielding a chance that a side of the caliber of the Ravenspirian… U-4 team would not have missed. The result was Ravenspire doubling their lead 2-0.

Just as Not Ronaldo was able to restore order on the pitch, a Nina Steen doll careened through the air, knocking Not Ronaldo square in the head. Ironic really, as his native Brazillicans have been made famous for their creative use of projectiles to injure members of opposing teams. A stretcher was rolled out onto the field and Not Ronaldo was swiftly carted off. Dwayne Belmore would take over the head officiating duties for the remainder of the match.

But don’t worry about Not Ronaldo; life after football is shaping up quite nicely for the former referee. After a lucrative figurine transaction on mBay, Not Ronaldo used the money made to by a home on Steve’s Island. Not Ronaldo, who had been on Steve Ribeiro’s payroll for quite some time and one of the reasons Steve’s team, Marble Palace FC, have been on the top of the SIPL for quite some time, has been offered a government position by Steve. Not Ronaldo is still on the fence about accepting the position, saying he’s “looking forward to the golf and canasta”, but should he accept, he would become the chief justice of Steve’s Island. Not bad for a man with absolutely no legal background.

Eauz

29-03-2004, 03:57

In one of Group 8's matches, Les Bleus take on Just an Egg, and with such as name as Egg's, brings about many crazy ideas. Fans tonight at the match were majority for Les Bleus, but one could see many places people dressed up to either make fun or support The Eggs. Others brought eggs and threw them at the referee, and on the field. Also, the night at le stade d’Eauz was chocolate egg night; everyone was given a bag as they entered. What they did with them, was not the responsibility of the officials.

http://www.angelfire.com/co4/eauz/images/egghead.jpg
http://www.interplaza.com/familyphotos/Easter2003/NicholeEggHead.jpg

More after the match...

Svecia

29-03-2004, 04:01

SVENCIKA KVÄLLSTIDNING

YOU WIN SOME YOU LOSE SOME
Win on road at TB, Loss at home v. Free Bovines
Söndag 28. mars, 2004

VILÄMNA, Svecia - There is a rumor that the home team always wins. Svecia did an excellent job of undermining that rumor this past weekend, with a 1-0 win on the road against a tough Tanah Burung squad, and then a 1-0 loss to BSE Free Bovines at home in Vilämna.

The road win at first place holder TB was an impressive show of defensive voetbal by both sides. Luckily for the Svecian side, TB had a minor lapse around the 76th minute. Whether it was fatigue or just a brain fart, Hanan Belagt was able to sneak past the defense to tap the ball past a diving TB keeper.

But at the Rijksstadion yesterday, it was an impressive show of sloppy play by both sides that led to a one goal match. This time it was either the muddy field that bogged the ball down in the middle, or else just the very quiet nature of the fans (who did have to weather 1C temperatures to their credit) which led to a very unimpressive goal scored on a rare trip down to one of the goal-mouths. Unfortunately it had to be our goal-mouth which was visited by the ball.

Svecia currently stands in 4th place in Group 1 with 10 points, behind Staglag 5 (11points), Ravenspire (15), and Tanah Burung (15).

Squornshelous

29-03-2004, 05:48

Squornshelous Moves to First Place in Group 7
Squornshelous claimed the top position in group seven today with a win over Jeruselem. The match started on a worrying note, with Jeruselem taking the first goal on a 15th minute corner. (cut to tape)

. . . and the shot by (player) is blocked wide of the net by Truman. Really an excellent attacking play there, but good anticipation by the defender. The corner is set up, here it comes fairly high in the box, there's an open man there! He meets it with his foot and Allen can only watch as the ball flies into the bottom left-hand corner. It looks as if there wa some miscomunictation in the defence and there's the result, 1-0 to Jereuselem.

The Pschychoes seemed to wake up after being scored upon, and put in the tying marker in the 28th minute, picking apart the defence with precision passing. (cut to tape)

. . . Squornshleous controlling it in midfield, Rivera with the ball. He passes it ahead to Brooks, he's rushed and drops it to Fink, now Rivera again, wonderful use of triangles here. Richards now with the ball, he lobs it to Chavez. Chavez heads to set up Brooks, no defenders near him and he scores! Fracisco Chavez heads the lob from Richards to a spot just in front of Sammy Brooks, who burries it in the back of the net.

The game remained close until halftime, with neither team getting a chance until Squornshelous made a push just before the whistle.

. . . Jackson dribbles the ball ahead, trying to fake out the defender, but he can't shake him. turns around quickly and leaves the ball for Richards. Richards dribbles across the field about 21 yards out, looking for an opening, he has Brooks at the side of the 18 yard box, the one-timer off the pass and what a save by the keeper, wait! Jackson catches the rebound on his thigh, and scores! The rebound from Brooks' shot comes out to Jackson and it's 2-1.

Squornshelous' momentum didn't slow at halftime; they struck again at 51 minutes.

. . . Allen scoops up the loose ball, he loks downfield and kicks it long and low. Rivera heads it further up the field to Richards. Richards chargin up the field with Jackson to his left. Only two defenders back, Richards cuts left, then back outside, he takes the wide-angle shot, NO! He passed it across the box to Jackson, who waits, just onside and shoots it in behind the keeper. What incredible awareness by Richards of where his teammate was on the field.

With the score at 3-1, Squornshelous backed off a little bit, and played possesion for the remainder of the game. Jeruselem threatened once, however, great goalkeeping by Allen kept the score the same.

. . . (player) dribbles up toward the goal, wathced closely by Stikolsmur, he drops it to (player) who lobs it up toward the box, Edmonds easily heads it out, but (player) has possesion! He shoots it toward the top left corner! Amazing save by Allen, he hurls himself across the net in time to get his hands between the ball and the goal, and somehow manages to hang on to it as well, preventing the rebound. What a great talent!

Final Score
Squornshelous 3-1 Jeruselem

Scoting Summary:
(player) 15
Brooks 28
Jackson 45
Jackson 51

Squornshelous' Scorers:
Jackson 7
Richards 2
Rivera 1
Brooks 1

Group 7 Standings after Matchday 6
[code:1:ffc72093af]
Group 7
P W D L GF GA GD Pts
1. Squornshelous 6 4 2 0 11 3 8 14
2. Antaeus Rising 6 4 1 1 9 2 7 13
3. Jeruselem 6 4 1 1 12 7 5 13
4. Lemmitania 6 3 3 0 11 4 7 12
5. Creedence Clearwater 6 3 2 1 10 6 4 11
6. The Republican Army 6 3 0 3 6 6 0 9
7. Jaegermeistria 6 1 1 4 4 9 -5 4
8. Grand master Mark 6 1 1 4 3 9 -6 4
9. Haraki 6 1 1 4 3 11 -8 4
10.New Cyprus 6 0 0 6 2 14 -12 0
[/code:1:ffc72093af]

Ravenspire

29-03-2004, 08:14

SARGARD STAR

Banner Day
Ravens Rise To Top... For Now

A resurgent Ravenspire team faced stiff opposition from Stalag 5 today, but managed to continue their winning streak, emerging with a 3-1 victory.

The match began with a surprise, as the Ravens uncharacteristically took an aggressive posture right from the start. Almost immediately after the kickoff, striker Kyria Chase took possession of the ball from the Stalag side, and she and foxgirl Setsuna Shirosawa immediately led the first of several forays into the opposing territory. While some saw the attacks as reckless, they appeared to serve their purpose, tying up the Stalag side on their half of the pitch for much of the first half. The Stalag defense rose to the task, however, and only one goal was scored, when Shirosawa's gamble on a momentary opening paid off.

Stalag 5's side came on strong in the second half, nearly rolling over the Ravens' defense, and only a swift dive by the goalkeeper prevented a goal just a minute into the half. The talented Stalag offense refused to let up, however, and the continued pressure on the Ravens reversed what had been the status quo of the first half. The equalizing goal shot past Angelo Harrington.

With half an hour remaining in the half, the match seemed destined to break down into an endless back-and-forth shuffle as each side attempted to score the tiebreaking goal and hopefully clinch the match. It was twenty minutes later that that goal fell to the Ravens, when Chase managed to break free from her defenders and take a shot from just outside the box. Stalag 5's goalkeeper failed to intercept it.

With pressure mounting, Stalag 5 redoubled their efforts in the final ten minutes, attempting to pull through with a draw. For a moment, it seemed they would get their wish, as a second ball escaped Harrington; however, the referee judged that a Stalag striker had been offside, and so the goal was not rewarded.

Perhaps demoralized by the call, the final minutes of the match saw Stalag 5 yield a third goal, again to Shirosawa.

Analysts noted that the win topped a "banner day" for the Ravens, as results elsewhere in the group also proved favorable to the black and crimson: most of the highly-ranked sides of the group drew or lost their matches, placing Ravenspire in a stronger position overall. The Ravens are currently at the top of group 1, although the prospects of the upcoming match against Svecia are still not seen as positive. Coach Kaede Kitsuki has said only, "We're not taking anything for granted."

Correction

In last week's edition, an editorial made reference to a "2-0 upset [victory] over Kingsford" by the Ravens. The actual score of that match was 2-1. Therefore, the Ravens did not have a streak of five 2-0 matches as also stated in that editorial. We apologize for any confusion this may have caused. The fact-checkers have been sacked.

Audioslavia

29-03-2004, 12:48

Isle Denial
Jinx Over Iansisle Continues

Audioslavia recovered from their mid-week thrashing by Bedistan to take a comfortable 2-0 win over Iansisle.

The Ians have struggled to keep the pace with the top sides, despite being rated as one of the stronger sides in the group, and definately among the world's elite 32.

Audioslavia started the game cautiously, not allowing the Ians to get too much of a foot-hold on the game but not managing to create enough chances themselves.

The best chance of the second half fell to Paul Reid, who rose above the Ians defence for a corner, only to see his header tipped over the bar by the Ians goalkeeper.

The second half saw Iansisle capitalise on Audioslavia's over-cautiousness. The number <7> saw a shot parried away by Jones, whilst the Ians striker Truman (and the only player anyone has ever heard of, get your roster up you lazyass :p) saw a 20-yard thunderbolt ping off the upright and out of play.

Iansisle looked like really making an impact on the game, but on the hour mark, substitute Aiden Carsley broke away down the left wing and centred for Jordi Neeskens on the edge of the area. Jordi hit a weak shot which was blocked by the Iansisle centre-back, but the ball fell to Jeff Jordan who raked a bullet of a shot straight into the roof of the net from twenty-five yards.

The Ians heads dropped, and Audioslavia slowly took control of the game. Branson saw an effort drop over the cross-bar whilst O`Malley and Maartins missed an array of chances. The winning goal came ten minutes from time. O`Malley picked up the ball on the edge of the area, expertly dummied inside the number three and legged it past the centre-back. Although he sliced his shot wildly, the ball curled up into the air and onto the head of Sean Jenneson who nodded the ball home.

Final Score
Audioslavia 2 (Jordan 63, Jenneson 82)
Iansisle 0

[code:1:fc881c6157]
Group 10
Pts W D L GF:GA GD
1. Bedistan 15 4 3 0 11: 2 9
2. Audioslavia 15 5 0 2 12: 5 7
3. Dennisov 14 4 2 1 10: 5 5
4. Avenging Altos 13 4 1 2 11: 6 5
5. NEWI Cefn Druids 11 3 2 2 6: 5 1
6. Iansisle 9 2 3 2 7: 7 0
7. Magnus Valerius 7 1 4 2 6: 7 -1
8. Fahigland 7 2 1 4 3:10 -7
9. Free Radicals of Mu-Mu 3 0 3 4 3:11 -8
10.Resistencia 1 0 1 6 0:11 -11 [/code:1:fc881c6157]

1/3 through the season, a quick look at the teams

1: Bedistan - Colours: Blue, Silver and Green
The Lions got off to a shakey start, taking two 0-0 draws at home to Avenging Altos and Iansisle before impressively thumping Dennisov away 3-1. With the exception of a surprising 0-0 draw with Magnus Valerius, the Lions have looked strong, conceding only two goals on their way to the top of the group.

2: Audioslavia - Colours: Claret and Blue
Audioslavia started off with three wins on the trot, until they hit a brick wall in the shape of NEWI Cefn Druids, who beat the 'slaves 2-0 at the Druids stadium. Recovering to post an emphatic win over Fahigland, the 'slaves away form hit them again as they were trounced by fellow-favorites Bedistan. Their recent 2-0 win over Iansisle should put them in good stead for the Dennisov game.

3: Dennisov - Colours: Navy Blue and Yellow(?)
Dennisov were unfancied by Audioslavian pundits going into the qualifiers, but have shown themselves to be capable of competing, despite failing to match up to some of the bigger sides (drawing with Iansisle and losing heavily to Bedistan). Nevertheless, Dennisov are only a point behind the top two.

4: Avenging Altos - Colours: Red, White and Blue(?)
The Altos came away from their difficult opening games (away to Bedistan, home to Audioslavia) with a point, and from their have built themselves a solid season. Beating Iansisle away in a five-goal thriller and stopping the Dangerous Druids, Avenging Altos are fully deserving of their 4th placing.

5: NEWI Cefn Druids - Colours: Red, White and Yellow(?)
The druids started as many expected them to go on - pushing Dennisov all the way but ultimately being beaten. However, the Druids obviously then thought 'oh f*ck this', and took ten points from a possible twelve in their next four games, including a 2-0 win over Audioslavia. Unfortunately, this last week has seen them perform abysmally, losing 2-0 to AA and somehow failing to beat Fahigland. The druids have fallen from joint-first to fifth, although they are still in the thick of the action, three points from a qualification spot.

6: Iansisle - Colours: White and Green
The Ians are again underperforming. With a record of 2-3-2, they dont seem to possess that edge that can turn a draw into a win with a flash of brilliance. Posting their only wins against Resistencia and Fahigland, the Ians managed to snatch defeat from the jaws of victory against Avenging Altos, they have some pride in the fact that they have managed to keep Bedistan and Dennisov to a draw. However, their failure to take three points from Magnus Valerius last week has meant that they are in danger of falling off the pace.

7: Magnus Valerius Colours: Royal Blue (?)
Last of the non-newb teams, Magnus Valerius look a better side than WC12, as theyve managed to hold Iansisle, Bedistan and Dennisov to draws. However, they also failed to beat Mu-Mu, and after defeats by Audioslavia and NEWI Cefn Druids, Magnus Valerius stay on just one win in seven games.

8/9/10The Rest

Neither of these three teams, Fahigland, Mu-Mu or Resistencia have managed to take more than a point off of any of the established nations, and their points have come either from credible draws or wins over each other. Fahigland seem to be having the most luck, actually sitting only two points away from Iansisle. Fahigland have beaten both their newb opponents and have taken a surprising point against NEWI Cefn Druids. The Free Radicals of Mu-Mu are in ninth on just three points, all collected from draws, whilst Resistencia prop everyone up at the bottom, their one and only point coming from an opening day goalless draw with Mu-Mu.

Tadjikistan

29-03-2004, 13:44

Another loss for Tadjikistan

The match against Redavic Union in Dushanbe was lost with 1-0, a dissapointing defeat, Coach Isserson wanted to secure a point to get of the last place during this match, but the unknown opponent proved to be to strong for the Tadjik team. The Tadjiks did their best and almost got away with it until an RU player scored in the 86th minute.

With 1/3 of al matches over, the result has been very dissapointing. Even Isserson realized that and told the TFA that he would resign if his team failed to score any points or goals in the next match. Then Mr Frunze will have to find a replacement for Isserson by matchday 9, someone with experience in international football. This new coach will still not be able to do any better without being prepared and that takes time, time we dont have in this qualification.

For coach Isserson this will be the match of year and he appeares to see it that way too, Experienced attackers Zhukov and Cherniakhovsky will be replaced by the young but talented Fedorenko and the old veteran Khetagurov, a mix of good technique and speed supported by Terekhin on the midfield, in the defense the coach put Purkayev on Aleinikov position and Kravchenko on Belanovs position adding more speed to the flanks. So it is clear that Isserson wants to move in over the flanks. A tactic that might pay of if every chance available is used to its full extent.

Brazillico

29-03-2004, 13:49

The Brazillico Advance

Nikea Nixed!
Cosmo’s Lawn Dart Prevails in Thriller

By Jake Tartare

In one of the best matches of the group to date, Brazillico defeated Nikea 3-2 thanks to some late game heroics by Sandro Cannon.

Brazillico opened the score in the 11th Minute, after a sensational pass by Junior Socrates hit a streaking Alex Cannon. Cannon split the defence and took a shot from just outside the box. Cannon shot to the left of the keeper, forcing him to make a terrific touch to deflect the ball away from net. The ball was trickling out, but a flying Anthony Trevors dove towards the ball, putting it into the empty cage from an impossible angle, giving the home side the lead.

Nikea wasted no time in responding, pulling even in the 18th Minute. <Nikea Midfielder 3> played a great lob over the Brazillican defenders heads, which <Nikea Striker 1> timed perfectly and beat the offside call. <Nikea Striker 1> then made no mistake, beating David Robinho to his right and evening up the score.

Both team’s defences tightened up for the rest of the half, making promising chances far and few between. The teams jogged into the tunnel all square at one.

The second half took the pace of the first twenty minutes of the first half, action you’d expect to see at a basketball game, rather than one of football. Nikea were the first to reap benefits from this style of play, as <Nikea Midfielder 2> passed one over to <Nikea Midfielder 4>, who proceeded to hit a wide-open <Nikea Striker 1>. The Nikean striker redirected the pass, fooling David Robinho as the ball rolled in off the right post. His second of the game allowed his team to go up 2-1.

Nikea then tried to tighten up their defence, content with their one goal lead. Nikea, who had only let in one goal prior to this match, seemed confident they would be able to stop the Brazillican attack. They were wrong.

In the 74th Minute, Tobias Cannon found himself with the ball and pushing hard up the left flank. He whipped the ball into the box towards a freshly substituted Sandro Cannon, who met the ball with a solid right foot. The half-volley careened into the upper-left portion of the net, allowing <Nikea Goalkeeper 1> to be nothing but a spectator on that play. The score was even at two.

It appeared as though this game would end as a hard-fought 2-all stalemate, until Nikea took a bad foul in injury time. Tobias Cannon calmly stepped up to the ball and rocketed on over the Nikean wall. The Panda goaltender appeared to have saved the day as he was able to dive to his left and stop the ball. However, the ball landed in front of him and a mad scramble of purple and blue jerseys congregated to try to get the crucial touch upon it. Trevors was the first to make contact, tipping one towards net but his effort was blocked by <Nikea Defender 2>. <Nikea Defender 2> then tried to clear the ball, but it was blocked by Tom Maracana. The ball bounced off Maracana towards Sandro Cannon, who jumped in the air, beat two Nikean defenders to the ball and deposited in the net. The garbage goal signalled the end of the match.

“That could very well have been our best match of the campaign so far,” said a visibly jovial Horatio Cosmo after the match, “I was waiting for this kind of output from this team.”

Brazillico’s victory over Nikea has made Group 2 a lot more interesting, as no less than four teams, including Brazillico, find themselves within one point of the group lead and Aquilla finds themselves back by two. Brazillico’s next opponent shall be Steve’s Island, a team which has had game fed to them by a straw in their nose the last two matches, losing 4-0 in both contests. The Steve’s Island match should not be overlooked though, given the rich and bitter history shared between Brazillico and Steve Ribeiro. It’ll be crucial that Brazillico not only wins, but wins big, since their goal difference of +3 is light years behind that of the three teams ahead of Brazillico, who have GDs of +9 or +10 respectively.

Brazillico 3
Trevors 11
S. Cannon 74, 90

Nikea 2
<Nikea Striker 1> 19, 51

imported_Beckhams

29-03-2004, 13:59

Jeruselem Government News

Mark masters Jeruselem

Jeruselem crashed to 3-0 loss to lower placed Grand master Mark.
Nothing went right for Crusader team for day with shots off the post and fortunate deflections off defender allowing Markian players to score 3 easy goals. Captain Harry Kewell was taken off the field after a dodgy tackle from behind in the 50 minute took out his knee. He will not available for the rest of tournament.

New Captain Rabbi Goldstein spoke for the team "God, it was one of those days. I must say the Markians are aggressive and our captain coped a nasty one. We will fight on, God willing". Jeruselem lodged a complaint against the tackler <Markian player> for the tackle to the World Cup authorities. Kewell has a broken kneecap and his future is in doubt.

The loss pushed Jeruselem down to 5th in the Group 7.

Group 7: Grand master Mark 3 Jeruselem 0
Group 7: Haraki 0 The Republican Army 2
Group 7: Jaegermeistria 0 Creedence Clearwater 1
Group 7: Lemmitania 1 New Cyprus 0
Group 7: Squornshelous 0 Antaeus Rising 0

[code:1:a95582158e]
Group 7
Pts W D L GF:GA GD
1. Lemmitania 15 4 3 0 12: 4 8
2. Squornshelous 15 4 3 0 11: 3 8
3. Antaeus Rising 14 4 2 1 9: 2 7
4. Creedence Clearwater 14 4 2 1 11: 6 5
5. Jeruselem 13 4 1 2 12:10 2
6. The Republican Army 12 4 0 3 8: 6 2
7. Grand master Mark 7 2 1 4 6: 9 -3
8. Jaegermeistria 4 1 1 5 4:10 -6
9. Haraki 4 1 1 5 3:13 -10
10.New Cyprus 0 0 0 7 2:15 -13
[/code:1:a95582158e]

OOC

It's me Jeruselem, except using one of my puppets ...

Eauz

29-03-2004, 14:36

Le LIBRE

Tight match against the Eggs

Les Bleus returned home after a strong victory in Redavic Union, but it appeared to be more of an Egg’s home match. The fans were all dressed up like Egg heads, and brought chocolate eggs to eat.

The first half started off during the 5th minute as Les Bleus brought on a strong attack, only to be stopped by The Eggs goalkeeper. Les Bleus though, got into trouble when Seiy received a red card during the 25th minute, meaning he will not be playing in the next match. This took Les Bleus a bit out of the match. Bernard Yeuseuv, Les Bleus goalkeeper was tested a few times in the first half, but most attacks by the Eggs were stopped by the strong defence of Les Bleus.

Going into the second half, Les Bleus and Eggs were tied up at 0’s. Les Bleus came out looking to take the match in this second half, but were quite often stopped by the strong Egg’s defence. Yeuseuv would not be tested in this second half though. During the 78th minute though, Les Bleus found themselves on an attack, and scored catching the Eggs defence sleeping, putting Les Bleus up 1 – 0. Les Bleus would go on to win the match by that score putting them back on a winning streak.

The next match for Les Bleus is at sixth place Gormith, who in the 7 matches, has won 2, tied 2 and lost 3, leaving them with 8 points. Gormith is also another team which has played well against tough teams, winning against Europa Brittania 1 – 0 and losing to Liverpool England 2 – 1. Though, Les Bleus will not lay down for Gormith. Look for a strong match for Les Bleus, and another win. This match is also a must win for Les Bleus, because Europa Brittania is playing host to Liverpool England. Les Bleus would prefer to have Europa Brittania win, for the have Les points in the goal difference. Les Bleus just have to win their next match, and keep on winning, to keep on top. The mid way point break is coming soon and Les Bleus will use that to rest, and practice, to stay strong. It appears that this group will end up having Eauz, EB and LE fighting for the top three spots, leaving the others to play as spoilers, unless there is a stronger play by some players in the second half.

Round 1: Tadjikistan @ Eauz W 0 - 4
Round 2: Eauz @ Intelligent Madness W 4 - 0
Round 3: Liverpool England @ Eauz W 1 - 2
Round 4: Eauz @ Zephyrs W 2 - 0
Round 5: Europa Brittania @ Eauz L 1 - 0
Round 6: Eauz @ The Redavic Union W 2 - 0
Round 7: Just an egg @ Eauz W 0 - 1
Round 8: Eauz @ Gormith
Round 9: East Spaam @ Eauz
Round 10: Eauz @ Tadjikistan
Round 11: Intelligent Madness @ Eauz
Round 12: Eauz @ Liverpool England
Round 13: Zephyrs @ Eauz
Round 14: Eauz @ Europa Brittania
Round 15: The Redavic Union @ Eauz
Round 16: Eauz @ Just an Egg
Round 17: Gormith @ Eauz
Round 18: East Spaam @ Eauz

[code:1:8e01468082]
Group 8
Pts W D L GF:GA GD
1. Liverpool England 18 6 0 1 18: 4 14
2. Eauz 18 6 0 1 15: 2 13
3. Europa Brittania 18 6 0 1 14: 2 12
4. East Spaam 13 4 1 2 11: 7 4
5. The Redavic Union 10 3 1 3 8:10 -2
6. Gormith 8 2 2 3 7: 8 -1
7. Intelligent Madness 6 1 3 3 4:15 -11
8. Zephyrs 3 0 3 4 4:12 -8
9. Just an egg 2 0 2 5 1: 9 -8
10.Tadjikistan 2 0 2 5 3:16 -13
[/code:1:8e01468082]

Giant Zucchini

29-03-2004, 14:38

NEWSFLASH

Giant Zucchini keeps yet another clean sheet, this time against Sliponia. However, in contrast to the defensive play used in earlier matches, the Zucchinis relied on a more attacking style of play, this time garnering 3 goals for the home side. Head Coach Mr Hurr, "This is a testament to the defensive strength of our squad, managing to keep a clean sheet even when playing an attacking game. I'm pleased with my defence and especially Plaat, who saved us several times during the match."

29-03-2004, 15:15

Steve Ribeiro: Holy India Tea Bag, welcome to my hollowed out volcano lair. Take a seat.

The Holy India Tea Bag waddles over to a long carbon fiber table and takes a seat in a high-backed leather chair beside Steve Ribeiro.

Steve Ribeiro: As you know, you've let in four goals the past two game.

Holy India Tea Bag: Uhhh yeah.

SR: Tell me, Holy India Tea bag, how many Holy Indians does it take to win a football game?

HITB: I'm not sure, it's only happened once.

SR: Well one is obviously too many to squander one's chances of winning.

HITB: Come on, the Islanders suck! I've got no one ahead of me to rely on!

SR: SILENCE! I will not tolerate your insolence.

HITB: Big man, numbnuts.

Steve presses a button with "Holy India Tea Bag" neatly written beside it. The Holy India Tea Bag's chair then reclines backwards, goes through an open hatch and falls into a dark pit. Screams of pain can be heard up in the main chamber, as the hatch closes.

Numb Bertuzzi: Aren't you afraid he'll come back to life? I mean, he cheated death after an entire section of stadium fell upon him.

SR: You forget one thing, Numb Bertuzzi. We're in a hollowed-out volcano. We're surrounded by liquid hot magma.

NB: But he's a tea bag, he's engineered to be able to withstand high temperatures.

SR: Oh, pooh!

Works Cited
Austin Powers 2: The Spy Who Shagged Me

Kaze Progressa

29-03-2004, 17:04

Kicked Off

Kaza University psychology department. It is day three of the Kaza Prison Experiment, and prisoner 15257 - a Weegies reporter - is feeling the strain.

15257: I'm ****ed up inside... I can't bear missing out on my proud nation winning seven straight games for the only ****ing time in their history... and I HATE KAZE PROGRESSA, THE MASTERS OF ****ING INSANE RANDOM NUMBERS THAT NOT EVEN THEY ****ING UNDERSTAND...

Prison superintendent and chief researcher Zimba Ardo refuses 15257's parole request initially.

15257: They're keeping us ALL in here to watch the Kaze Progressa game against Aerigia! How ****ing unfair is that? It'll be a load of ****!

Eventually 15257 is freed. A replacement is called in: prisoner 1337, Alan Belmore. He is tortured by Progressan guards chanting '4-1, you *******' in his earhole.

1337: It wasn't me! I've retired!
Guard 1: No you ****ing haven't, you're the guy who took the alternate identity of Lawrence Wellden when they cloned all the Alan Belmores!
1337: **** Lawrence Wellden, **** Faiwe Irafma, **** you capitalist *******s up the ****!
Guard 1 to Guard 2: Right, we've gotta deal with this guy!

Guard 2 and Guard 1 force him into isolation.

1337: And I'm going on hunger strike until TBF get their three-point penalty removed!

The door is shut on 1337's cell.

Guard 1: And I guess that means you're never coming out!

The rest of the prisoners riot as Ertal Lubbarez completes his first international hat-trick to complete a 5-0 victory for KP over Aerigia. The guards respond with batons to quell the riot, failing utterly.

TO BE CONTINUED...

The Hitlist
The Stamford Prison Experiment
My WC12 formula
Alan Belmore
David Gray's anti-capitalist rant at Glastonbury Festival 2003

Vilita

29-03-2004, 17:10

Vilita (http://www.nationstates.net/cgi-bin/index.cgi/34936/page=display_nation/nation=vilita) 0 - 1 Lovisa

Capitrana, Lovisa - - - Vilita (http://www.nationstates.net/cgi-bin/index.cgi/34936/page=display_nation/nation=vilita) blew the chance to start a run towards World Cup qualification as Mattune Sagundi's strike earned Lovisa a shock victory in a fairly even match.
Sagundi capitalised on some shoddy defending before keeping his cool to fire past Jungle Cat's keeper Massimo Corsi.

The away side had the lion's share of possession, but failed to turn their dominance into goals.
Lovisa's inspired goalkeeper pushed Santo Kecker's free-kick onto the crossbar in the final minutes to deny Vilita (http://www.nationstates.net/cgi-bin/index.cgi/34936/page=display_nation/nation=vilita) their first goal of the competition.

Vilita (http://www.nationstates.net/cgi-bin/index.cgi/34936/page=display_nation/nation=vilita) almost opened the scoring after five minutes when Callum Banda's fierce drive from the edge of the penalty area fizzed just wide of the right-hand post.

They came even closer to taking the lead when Jonathon Stott's neat glancing header was goalbound, but superbly parried away for a corner by the home side's Keeper.

Lovisa slowly dragged themselves into the game - arguably finishing the half the stronger of the two sides.

Vilita (http://www.nationstates.net/cgi-bin/index.cgi/34936/page=display_nation/nation=vilita) coach Helmut Vilkaus' frustration was encapsulated 11 minutes into the second half when he made a triple substitution.

Substitute Alexander Östling 's magnificent volley on the hour mark skidded inches wide and almost raised the roof as Vilita (http://www.nationstates.net/cgi-bin/index.cgi/34936/page=display_nation/nation=vilita) supporters sensed a breakthrough.

However, when the breakthrough did arrive, it was at the other end as Sagundi scored what proved the winner - completely against the run of play.

A hopeful long ball was not dealt with, and a Lovisa flick-on unlocked the Vilita (http://www.nationstates.net/cgi-bin/index.cgi/34936/page=display_nation/nation=vilita) defence to enable Sedgwick a clear run on goal.

Winger Sagundi kept his composure and slotted the ball home from 10 yards.

Vilita (http://www.nationstates.net/cgi-bin/index.cgi/34936/page=display_nation/nation=vilita) rallied and Kecker's 25-yard free-kick in the closing stages seemed destined to earn his side a point.

But as the Lovisa keeper flung his body across the face of goal to touch the ball onto the crossbar, it became clear that The Colony of Vilita (http://www.nationstates.net/cgi-bin/index.cgi/34936/page=display_nation/nation=vilita) Jungle Cat's would be playing for no more than pride for the remainder of the Qualifications.

http://www.dirt-racing.com/3wide/sites/ao/v11-6.jpg

----------------

M01:
Vilita (http://www.nationstates.net/cgi-bin/index.cgi/34936/page=display_nation/nation=vilita) [0] - [4] Lowlands Clans
M02:
Vilita (http://www.nationstates.net/cgi-bin/index.cgi/34936/page=display_nation/nation=vilita) [0] - [1] Snub Nose 38
M03:
Vilita (http://www.nationstates.net/cgi-bin/index.cgi/34936/page=display_nation/nation=vilita) [0] - [1] Warnocks Wizards
M04:
Vilita (http://www.nationstates.net/cgi-bin/index.cgi/34936/page=display_nation/nation=vilita) [0] - [1] Lovebug
M05:
Vilita (http://www.nationstates.net/cgi-bin/index.cgi/34936/page=display_nation/nation=vilita) [0] - [1] The Belmore Family
M06:
Vilita (http://www.nationstates.net/cgi-bin/index.cgi/34936/page=display_nation/nation=vilita) [0] - [0] Dance 2 Revolution
M07:
Vilita (http://www.nationstates.net/cgi-bin/index.cgi/34936/page=display_nation/nation=vilita) [0] - [1] Lovisa
M08:
Vilita (http://www.nationstates.net/cgi-bin/index.cgi/34936/page=display_nation/nation=vilita) [] - [] Compound Interest
M09:
Vilita (http://www.nationstates.net/cgi-bin/index.cgi/34936/page=display_nation/nation=vilita) [] - [] Aserjin
M10:
Vilita (http://www.nationstates.net/cgi-bin/index.cgi/34936/page=display_nation/nation=vilita) [] - [] Lowlands Clans
M11:
Vilita (http://www.nationstates.net/cgi-bin/index.cgi/34936/page=display_nation/nation=vilita) [] - [] Snub Nose 38
M12:
Vilita (http://www.nationstates.net/cgi-bin/index.cgi/34936/page=display_nation/nation=vilita) [] - [] Warnocks Wizards
M13:
Vilita (http://www.nationstates.net/cgi-bin/index.cgi/34936/page=display_nation/nation=vilita) [] - [] Lovebug
M14:
Vilita (http://www.nationstates.net/cgi-bin/index.cgi/34936/page=display_nation/nation=vilita) [] - [] The Belmore Family
M15:
Vilita (http://www.nationstates.net/cgi-bin/index.cgi/34936/page=display_nation/nation=vilita) [] - [] Dance 2 Revolution
M16:
Vilita (http://www.nationstates.net/cgi-bin/index.cgi/34936/page=display_nation/nation=vilita) [] - [] Lovisa
M17:
Vilita (http://www.nationstates.net/cgi-bin/index.cgi/34936/page=display_nation/nation=vilita) [] - [] Compound Interest
M18:
Vilita (http://www.nationstates.net/cgi-bin/index.cgi/34936/page=display_nation/nation=vilita) [] - [] Aserjin

[code:1:9b847a1b51]
Group 5
Pts W D L GF:GA GD
1. Snub Nose 38 21 7 0 0 16: 2 14
2. The Lowland Clans 12 4 0 3 12: 5 7
3. Dance 2 Revolution 12 3 3 1 6: 2 4
4. Warnocks Wizards 12 3 3 1 5: 2 3
5. Lovisa 12 4 0 3 7: 8 -1
6. The Belmore Family 10 4 1 2 5: 4 1
7. Lovebug 10 3 1 3 8: 8 0
8. Compound Interest 4 1 1 5 4:14 -10
9. Aserjin 2 0 2 5 0: 9 -9
10.Vilita 1 0 1 6 0: 9 -9
The Belmore Family was deducted 3 points

[/code:1:9b847a1b51]
----------------

The Colony of Vilita (http://www.nationstates.net/cgi-bin/index.cgi/34936/page=display_nation/nation=vilita) Jungle Cats will be looking to qualify for the World Cup finals in their first attempt after only recently being recognized by the World Governing Body. The Jungle Cats are currently undefeated in the last 6 Atlantian Oceania (http://www.nationstates.net/cgi-bin/index.cgi/34936/page=display_region/region=atlantian_oceania) Regional championships, and look poised to add to that total in the upcoming Atlantian Oceania (http://www.nationstates.net/cgi-bin/index.cgi/34936/page=display_region/region=atlantian_oceania) Olympic games. Their squad will consist of mostly young stars from the National league, with a few experienced veterans, from the days before baseball was outlawed in the Nation, to guide them on their way to Glory.

Commerce Heights

29-03-2004, 17:17

National Stadium, Commerce Heights, New Manhattan, Commerce Heights

Noel Hicks: Now, Trevor, I want you to understand this, you will not make one more mistake against these unfortunate prosperless people, or...uh...

Trevor A. Belless N: Or, what?

Hicks: ...uh...you won't be able to work here anymore...but I can't tell you why...

Trevor: Coach, just spit it out, will you?

Hicks: I can't...it's patent pending...but you know, what they say on that stupid Belmorian TV show with Donald T. Belmore?

Trevor: You mean, "You're...", uh, permanently removed from work?

Hicks: Yeah, that show. I wasn't sure, there's a lot of stupid Belmorian TV shows...anyway, play this slani game correctly today! We can't afford another Aquilla-ish loss!

Alan Belmore #n+1: Hi, coach...

Hicks: Go score 4583194823760235723058 goals, n00b!

Alan: 1 r'nt n00b! j00 r pwnz0r3d!

Hicks: stfu n00b, or j00 w1ll be r3l3g4t3d!

...

65th minute:

Announcer: Qui...er...Trevor A. Belless N on the right wing, he's running downfield...wait a minute, what's that slani thing up in the sky?...

ominous voice: We are the hak'tar. Do not attempt to destroy our vessel. Resistance is Belmore-ish. From this time forward, you will service...us!" <evil laughter>

Announcer: uh...I don't think this has happened before...no one knows what to do, the officials, the players, they're all just staring at that thing, the clock's still running, err...Trevor doesn't seem to have a clue what's going on, he knocks the ball in...CH up 1-0 over Fortuna Propsera!

Announcer: The players seem to be focused on the game again now...the ball is kicked off...

67th minute:

Announcer: Alan Belmore #n+1 with the ball...where was that explosion? Oh, my, they're trying to blow up that ship! Just as long as they don't...

Random person in press box: Get back to the 0mfg g4m3, n00b.

Announcer: Trevor runs with the ball, ignoring the scene in the sky...GOAL! CH up 2-0!

...

(03)*Commerce Heights 2 (Trevor 65, 67)
(NA) Fortuna Prospera 0 - FT
*It is suspected that the rank for Commerce Heights is actually 30258723052835023650235682035.

Rejistania

29-03-2004, 17:31

*It is suspected that the rank for Commerce Heights is actually 30258723052835023650235682035.
No, it is 30258723052835023650235692035 :wink:

The Belmore Family

29-03-2004, 18:00

Snub Nose 38

29-03-2004, 18:02

*we are in a windowless room somewhere in the ministry of athletics, olympics, and alcoholic beverages. the only source of light is the fire in a small brazier on an altar in the middle of the room – and the flickering light from a tv sitting on a table on one side of the room. next to the tv sits a small radio, and from both the tv and the radio we hear the sound of large crowds celebrating. above the tv, mounted on a polished mahogany board, is a broken down and discolored rubber chicken. on the opposite side of the altar from the tv stands a figure in burgundy robes and midnight blue hooded cape, both hands raised, a leather pouch with two eagle feathers tied to it by a silver strand in one hand and a partially thawed frozen chicken in the other. suddenly another figure bursts through the only door*

- They won! Again!
- Please be quiet. I’m working here.
- But, the Hooligans won again, Margaret! Two…
- …to one. I know. Be quiet, twit.
- You know?
- Isn’t that what I just said? I know they won, and please be quiet, twit. I know I said, “be quiet, twit”. Why aren’t you being quiet, twit? I’m working on the next match.
- How do you know?
- Well, pinhead, first because ASPN just announced it on the radio. Second, because I’ve been watching ASPN’s live coverage of the Hooligans-The Lowland Clansmatch on tv – see the tv over there next to the radio? Third, because even in here I can hear the crowds celebrating outside. And finally, because no one came in and evicted me. Now do shut up so I can get on with the sacrificial supplication of the random number gods for the upcoming match with The Belmore Family!
- Why are you always so rude, Margaret?
- It just comes as a natural response to the idiotic things that pour out of your mouth.
- You should show some respect. After all, I’m the Minister of Athletics, Olympics, and Alcoholic Beverages.
- Yes, and how did you come by that title again?
- Well, daddy went to The Guy Currently In Charge Of Stuff For The Frost-Free Borderlands Of Snub Nose 38…
- Right.
- And then…
- Enough!
- But…
- Look, chump, your daddy got you an appointment, and then after a remarkable series of only remotely possible events took place – voila – there you were, in line to be the Minister. And how do you keep the job?
- Well, actually, I don’t. I keep losing it.
- And then you keep getting it back.
- And losing it again.
- And getting…
- And losing…
- Gack! Shut up! I work my fingers to the bone here keeping you employed, and it’s got most to do with the little “ceremony” I’m trying to get on with here, and you will keep interrupting!
- But they won! You should have seen it…
- I did…
- Horatio took a marvelous set piece in the 25th minute from 26 yards that slipped past their keeper into the far upper corner…
- …on tv. I saw it on tv…
- Then The Lowland Clans got an equalizer in the 36th minute…
- …I saw it…
- On a long range chip over Pancakes’ head…-
- Will you please…
- And in the second half at the 77th minute we got the winner on an own goal, where the…
- Lowland Clans defender headed a shot off the line, which bounced off another defender into the net.
- Lowland Clans defender headed a shot off the line, which…oh…you know. Why didn’t you tell me?
- That’s what I have been trying to tell you!
- Well, did you know that the Hooligan Cheerleaders, out on bail, we’re arrested again by the Sheriff of Remington County?
- No – but it certainly doesn’t surprise me. Now, if you’re not going to shut up, then get out, so I can get on with business.
- They’re 7 – 0 and 0! Top of Group 5!
- I can see I’m going to have to hit you again.

*the minister quickly retreats through the door he left open when he came in. we have a sudden urge for a chicken salad sandwich, and follow him out*

29-03-2004, 18:05

Double post.

29-03-2004, 18:06

Audioslavia

29-03-2004, 19:08

Rouge nations such as Commerce Heights and Oglethropia are thought to be behind the blatant attempt to undermine the socialist game which is so successful.

The term "Rouge nations", roughly translated from french means "red nations", tend to denote nations full of commie bastards, much like yourself The Belmore Family.

You are no doubt looking for the term "rogue nations", which in Belmorian must mean free market, prosperous, happy nations in your native tongue.

Steve Ribeiro
Brazillico's ex-WCC Member in Exile
Supreme Emperor of Steve's Island
Robber Baron Extraordinaire

pwnd :)

ic: A press conference in deepest darkest Audioslavia (Machinegrad). Captain/Manager/Main RPperson/C*nt Lee Branson is sitting at the far desk. To his right is the president of the F.A. Daniel Bryant. There is an empty chair in the middle

Daniel: Ladies and Gentlemen, we have an annoucement to make. Not long ago, Lee here was greeted by a strange demon on his way back from training. He confronted his demon, and realised that he didnt hate his father after all. After this he saw another demon, and he is about to enter this very room...

the crowd of journos gasps, and holds the gasp as Jonny Willow, one of the greatest strikers in Audioslavian football history, walks in and sits down

Jonny: Hey...

Journo: What.... we thought you were dead!

Jonny: yeah i was, but i was having a chat with Nala Eromleb when i was in purgatory, y'know, and we agreed to come up 'for air' so to speak. When i retire from international football i'll die again, no worries

Journo: but.. you'll retire soon surely? i mean you must be what, 32 now?

Jonny: Well no, i was 24 when i died, so i've technically only been living for 24 years. So you've got me for another twelve years tops.

Journo: So... you'll be playing for Audioslavia then?

Jonny: Hell yeah, i'll be playing my club football for....... Raiden

Lee mutters the word 'arsehole' under his breath in his strong Cornellbian accent. Daniel fishes out two shirts from under the table. One is a black and glo-green top of Raiden F.C. with 'Willow' and '9' on the back. The other is the familiar colours of Audioslavia with 'Willow' and '23' on the back

Daniel: Jonny will most probably be playing in the next game against Dennisov.. thankyou for your time

Melmond

29-03-2004, 19:26

Making Their Marx
Alpha Commune Able to Achieve Egalitarian Goal Against Fearless Farmers
By Dita Dutch of the Acosta Chronicle

ALPHA COMMUNE—Perhaps the match up versus Alpha Commune was deceptively too easy for the Melmond National Team. After all, the Fearless Farmers were being a bit arrogant when they beat Raptor Claw on the road, with Raptor Claw at team ranked higher than Alpha Commune. They now know not to overlook any team and always play with absolute effort. Second, Alpha Commune is in last place and the Fearless Farmers are one of the few World Cup neophytes in contention for a qualifying spot. Finally, the Melmond National Team desperately wanted momentum going into crucial games against Kingsford, Stalag 5, and Svecia.
The Fearless Farmers arrived at the Alpha Complex. With its mid 80s eastern bloc vision of futuristic design, quite possibly it’s the ugliest stadium in the world. In the first minute, the match was going to look as if it was going to be just as ugly, or if you are a Melmondian, absolute beautiful. Right after the kickoff, superstar Critandi Unne weaved and dribble right passed the Paranoid Pinko midfield and defense. The team that was afraid that one of their teammates was going to shoot them from behind became the victim of an amazingly easy shot by Unne behind the goalkeeper. Critandi Unne scores a goal at the 1st minute. It is 1-nil Fearless Farmers.
However, such an easy and dominating goal for Melmond has reminded Alpha Commune of its purpose: to achieve the goal of communism via sports. This goal is to be achieved by egalitarian ties in all games, where everyone shares a point. After shouting out their mantra, “Workers of the World, Unite!,” the Alpha Commune side showed the fire of a violent WTO protestor.
This time around, the Melmond midfield and defence was prepared for any threat and to take every threat very seriously. They continued to stifle the hard charging Paranoid Pinkos. However, the Melmond offence encountered a surprisingly very strong and very aggressive Alpha Commune side, which was fighting for the ball as if the Fearless Farmers were hated bourgeoisie. In a way, that assumption would have been corrected since Melmond is a free, capitalist nation where people can decide what they want to do with their life and money. Jingoism aside, the pounding taken by both teams made the rest of the first half a stalemate. Melmond still leads 1-nil.
The second half was even more of a meat grinder for both sides. There were collisions, muscling for position, aggressive tackles, and even injured players lying on the field. However, the referee decided just to let them play, a decision which made Not Ronaldo seems like a good referee. Even notorious Melmondian tough guy, Paul “Edgy” Shields had to be substituted for a deep bruise in his shin. Coming in for Shields was Phael Survigosis, a teammate of Cory Yankovic’s at club side Faasen Oranges. However, as talented as Survigosis is, he isn’t the aggressor that Shields is and in such a physical game aggression is what was needed. The rejuvenated Alpha Commune team took advantage of this at injury time, where Alpha Commune striker GOT-2-GO put the ball just out of Cory Yankovic’s reach and tied the game for Alpha Commune.
The Fearless Farmers were ready to quickly retake the lead, drawing up a risky play for Critandi Unne to weave around the defense and score. However, once the ball was kicked off, the referee whistled full time. The Alpha Commune was victorious in their own perverted sense, they have achieved their third tie this year! Melmond was a little on the dejected side, only getting a point from this side and leaving the pitch rather bruised.
Despite the Fearless Farmers loss to Ravenspire at home and tying Alpha Commune on the road, they only remain one point away from the third and final qualifying spot. Three teams are tied for that spot: Svecia, Stalag 5, and Kingsford The Fearless Farmers have certainly diverted their attention from Karl Marx to grill marks as they take on one of those teams on the road, Kingsford. “No doubt about it, this is a must win, or at least tie.” says captain Martin Goodwin. “Kingsford has been rather good in qualifying sessions in prior World Cups, however you just don’t know what team is going to show up, certainly their fire may stall or they can spontaneously ignite.” A tender Melmond squad faces their toughest challenge yet tomorrow.

Goals
C. Unne, MEL 1st
GOT-2-GO, ACM 90th

Cards
None

Standings

Other Group 1 Results
BSE Free Bovines 0 – Skipdonia 1
Raptor Claw 0 – Svecia 0
Ravenspire 3 – Stalag 5 1
Tanah Burung 0 – Kingsford 1

Group 1
Pts W D L GF:GA GD
1. Ravenspire 18 6 0 1 14: 4 10
2. Tanah Burung 15 5 0 2 11: 3 8
3. Svecia 11 3 2 2 8: 3 5
4. Kingsford 11 3 2 2 6: 4 2
5. Stalag 5 11 3 2 2 8: 9 -1
6. Melmond 10 3 1 3 5:10 -5
7. BSE Free Bovines 6 1 3 3 5: 8 -3
8. Raptor Claw 6 1 3 3 5: 9 -4
9. Skipdonia 6 2 0 5 3: 8 -5
10.Alpha Commune 3 0 3 4 2: 9 -7

Melmond Team Stats
Goals: Critandi Unne (3), Chris Owen (1), Diallo Unne (1)
Cards: Cristina Antunez (1), Jonsi Torrini (1)

Melmond National Team Schedule

@ Svecia L 4-0
v Skipdonia (Farmers Field, Melmond City) W 1-0
@ Tanah Burung L 2-0
v BSE Free Bovines (Lifedonations Stadium, Morales) W 1-0
@ Raptor Claw W 2-1
v Ravenspire (Microcosm Stadium, Aldi) L 2-0
@ Alpha Commune T 1-1
@ Kingsford
v Stalag 5 (Walladome, Acosta)
v Svecia (Unne Sports Temple, Unne)
@ Skipdonia
v Tanah Burung (Xpress Counsel Field, Cali)
@ BSE Free Bovines
v Raptor Claw (Woocat Books Ballpark, O’Connor)
@ Ravenspire
v Alpha Commune (MPNK Stadium, Faasen)
v Kingsford (TBA)
@ Stalag 5

Next Game
at Kingsford

The final game of the two game road trip is by far the tougher battle, as they head to Kingsford to play one of the teams ahead of Melmond for the third and final qualifying spot. These following three games against Kingsford, Stalag 5, and Svecia must have Melmond win one and tie two or win two and tie one in order to be in qualifying contention. Kingsford was picked to be number one in the group by most Melmond publications, however they have been a major disappointment. Their last victory was on the road against Tanah Burung, so Kingsford may be mounting a comeback. Manager Felix Coostatlwak should know this team well since he used to coach in Kingsford’s top club league. The team trainer performed a HEL2 spell on the team and they have recovered from their bruises, so Coostatlwak keeps his lineup the same yet again.

GK- Cory Yankovic
D- Jonsi Torrini
D- Sergio Ortiz
D- Paul “Edgy” Shields
D- Nina Steen
M- Martin Goodwin
M- Critandi Unne
M- Camui Arai
M- Cristina Antunez
F- Chris Owen
F- Benjamin Leeb

For tickets to Kingsford and the game, call the Therewegoes Travel Agency at 3-18-357-9009. The Therewegoes Travel Guide suggests that one tries some world-class Kingsfordian BBQ as well as check out some of the national parks. However, other than those things and the football game, don’t expect much fun there, as Kingsford is basically George W. Bush’s America with environmental regulations.

NEWI Cefn Druids

29-03-2004, 19:35

The Daily Druid

NORMAL ORDER RESTORED
Wayne Ottgunn-Irwin on the rise and fall of the Druids

Well, what did you expect? Three games on from a surprise victory against the mighty 'slaves, the not-quite-so-mighty Druids are back to their normal selves. Two draws against new teams, coupled with defeat to a bunch of footballing singers means that the Druids now sit in a lowly fifth position, and seem destined to fall even further as the campaign takes it's usual road of the Druids losing with the occassional draw.

The recent change in form came after my fellow The Daily Druid reporter Ian Question-Mark predicted that the Druids would win a match. That's right, he said we would win!!!!! Ian has been around for long enough now to know that no-one should ever predict a Druid win and actually mean it, as it just won't happen. OK, I'm ready for the long line of puiblications in rival countries to start talking up the Druids' chances, but so they should, as it will virtually guarentee their home nation to get at least something from the match.

You think this isn't evidence enough? Look at the last world cup. A number of publications in nations that would face the Druids tipped them to be a bit of a dark horse. An eighth position out of eight followed. So what's our tip for the Druids next match in Bedistan? Well, isn't it simple? Put all the money you have, and even some you don't if you can, on the Lions. They have an unbeaten record against the Druids, and anyone who thinks that this will change now is in serious need of having their head looked at. Then we play host to Iansisle, who beat us 6-1 the last time we met. Anyone who thinks that it will end up any other way this time deserves to be slapped around a bit with a large trout. We could hope that the Druids do well, but the more we do that, the worse they play, so come on the Lions, come on the Ians!!! Show us how the game should be played!!!

Avenging Altos

29-03-2004, 19:58

Resistencia International Stadium. A spectacular shrine to socialism. The floodlights are of a hammer-and-sickle design, every seat is red... and the country's merely respectable economy does not stretch to building glass-roofed monoliths.

The Altos are as insanely left-wing as Resistencia, at least officially, so it was no surprise to see the two teams unite in singing socialist anthems before the game (Florence Laughlin forced to sing a soprano part, much to her disgust). Once they took to the field, they attempted to play out an egalitarian tie for a short time before Laughlin, still frustrated at her enforced screeching ('it wasn't the high bits so much as the fact that half the song was across my register break!'), thumped a 30-yard shot into the roof of the net, the goalkeeper choosing to utilise his civil right not to risk severe injury by attempting the save.

The second goal came early in the second half when a corner was deflected into the roof of the net by a waywardly-placed Resistencia defender, who celebrated his own-goal with delerium as both teams had now scored once. The remaining 37 minutes saw Resistencia place all eleven men behind the ball to prevent a goal, and with no chance of scoring, the Altos spent the rest of the game harmonizing. They remain fourth in the table.

The Belmore Family

29-03-2004, 20:06

Alan Belmore looked around. "Bugger" he thought to himself. I think I might miss the next match. He was upset. He was a Saint. He didn't deserve this punishment.

His journalistic skill was not that bad. His reports in World Cup 7 were perhaps a bit vague, but newspapers in TBF were not thought of back then. Now, with a uncontrollably high literacy rate at a massive 10%, he had to write long atrticles. He wondered what 007 James Belmore would do in this situation. He got it, Alan sat down, and fell to sleep.

When he was woken the next morining he could see almost the entire population of Aquilla being moved into the torture chamber for their inablity to speak more than 7 words per day.

Alan felt hungry, why did he have to go on hunger strike? At home he would get 4 meals a day, and really enjoy them. Bloody Progressans, obviously fixing the matches in their country so we couldn't trash them 4-1 again. Suddenly a prison gaurd picked him up and took him into the crowd of a Progressan football match. Alan screamed melodramtically "Noooooooooooooooo, why must I be the one to watch such awful football."

Then Alan had an idea, whilst he was here, he could pop down to the pie stand.

Snub Nose 38

29-03-2004, 21:09

The janitorial staff of the Ministry of Athletics, Olympics, and Alcoholic Beverages has posted signs here that read: "Slippery When Wet", and are in the process of wiping up some beer that somebody spilled.

Snub Nose 38

29-03-2004, 21:10

Here, too.

(thinly disguised double & triple posts) :roll:

Snub Nose 38

29-03-2004, 21:15

Snub Nose 38

29-03-2004, 21:15

Ministry of Statistics, Other Totally Useless Information, and Band Aids Public Service Announcement

With seven of eighteen qualifying matches complete (38.888 %), here are the top three in each group.

Group 1 = 1. Ravenspire, 2. Tanah Burung, 3. Svecia

Group 2 = 1. Nikea, 2. Total n Utter Insanity, 3. Halfassedstates

Group 3 = 1. Oddslavo, 2. Kerla, 3. Belmorian Scandinavia

Group 4 = 1. The Eagles Nest, 2. Gesamtkuntswerk, 3. Mattigool

Group 5 = 1. Snub Nose 38, 2. The Lowland Clans, 3. Dance 2 Revolution

Group 6 = 1. The Weegies, 2. Giant Zucchini, 3. Sliponia

Group 7 = 1. Lemmitania, 2. Squornshelous, 3. Antaeus Rising

Group 8 = 1. Liverpool England, 2. Eauz, 3. Europa Brittania

Group 9 = 1. Oglethorpia, 2. Runaway Moose, 3. Spaam

Group 10 = 1. Bedistan, 2. Audioslavia, 3. Dennisov

(Seriously – attempts were made to prevent the Minister of SOTUI&BA from publishing this tripe. To no avail – the man snuck out at lunch and had it published at his own expense. The Sheriff of Remington County has been asked to “assist” in the curtailment of the Minister’s activities.)

Bedistan

30-03-2004, 00:01

The Bedistan Sports Digest

Free the Radicals!
Lions hold Mu-Mu hostage in 2-0 victory

FREE RADICALS OF MU-MU -- The Bedistan Lions continued their run of good form in WC13 qualifying when they visited the Free Radicals of Mu-Mu and delivered them a solid 2-0 defeat.

Karen Neighbors and Kai Hancey were the goal scorers, Neighbors coming through in the 37th minute and substitute Hancey (on for Gil Vu) shortly before full time. Mu-Mu provided very little resistance, and Tabitha Fukushima had a relatively easy time today in goal. Defender Clinton Saravia, however, is doubtful for the next match against the ever-underacheiving NEWI Cefn Druids after suffering a mild concussion just before Neighbors' goal. If he cannot make the next match, Kurt Brew will take his place in the starting lineup.

Final score:
Free Radicals of Mu-Mu 0
Bedistan 2 (Neighbors 37, Hancey 84)

Today's win gives us a tie for the longest undefeated streak in Bedistan team history at seven matches. The only other time this has happened was in WC11 qualifying and Harmony Cup 3, beginning with a 6-1 annihilation of Dual supporters and ending with Iansisle's 1-0 victory in the Harmony Cup quarterfinal.

The Outlook

From here on out, we will be updating our computer models after every day of matches to give our readers the most accurate predictions possible. First, the predicted final standings:

1. Bedistan, 12-6-0, 42pts
2. Dennisov, 10-7-1, 37pts
3. Audioslavia, 10-5-3, 35pts, GD +12
4. Avenging Altos, 10-5-3, 35pts, GD +11
5. NEWI Cefn Druids, 7-6-5, 27pts
6. Iansisle, 7-4-7, 25pts
7. Magnus Valerius, 4-9-5, 21pts
8. Fahigland, 5-2-11, 17pts
9. Free Radicals of Mu-Mu, 1-3-14, 6pts
10. Resistencia, 0-1-17, 1pt

And now the predicted results for the Lions' remaining matches:

vs NEWI W 1-0
@ Fahig W 1-0
@ Altos W 2-1
@ Ian W 1-0
vs Denn D 1-1
@ Res W 1-0
vs Magnus D 1-1
@ Audio D 1-1
vs Mu-Mu W 2-0
@ NEWI W 1-0
vs Fahig W 1-0

Bedistan

30-03-2004, 00:02

And what would a Bedistani newspost be without a second post to go with it? :P

The Eagles Nest

30-03-2004, 02:11

Late Goal Gives Strike Birds Win Over Vozvyshennost

1-0 Decision Gives Strike Birds Top Position in Group 4

A late goal scored by Eagle's Nest star Josh Adams propelled the Birds to a 1-0 win over Vozvyshennost. Coupled with Gesamtkuntswerk's stunning tie at Mordecei, that win gave the Birds 19 points, good enough for first in Group 4 Action.

The game at Vozvyshennost started out quickly with attacks on both sides, but neither goalies getting any hard shots to deal with. The first half was a clinic on good defense on both sides, and both were happy with a tie score at halftime. During halftime however, some of the other group scores were posted and the tie at Mordecei got some cheers and gasps from the crowd as they both knew a win for the Nest would give them first place.

The second half started with both teams aware they could gain ground on the group leader and came out strong, but cautious to not let a goal slip through. A few bad tackles here and there, but mainly a clean game. The Eagle's Nest fans started dancing the can can to try to get the RP machine to let the score go odd, but the number of fans were not enough to get a good bounce, so the Birds were on their own.

Mario Gratunia took the corner keep that had been awarded to the Nest with 3 minutes left and hooked a beauitful shot into the box. The Keeper leaped for it, got a hand on the ball, but it went straight towards Josh Adams who headed it in for the 1-0 lead. The Vozvyshennost offense could not get themselves together enough for a good attack and the Nest escaped with a 1-0 away win to take the lead in Group 4.

Coach Aefnen on the win.

"Huge. Absolutely huge. We play Commerce Heights, the 3rd ranked team in the world in at Silver Flame Stadium tomorrow, and this win can help us stay in the race for qualification even if we happen to lose here. A win against Commerce Heights would do wonders for us."

Striker J. Adams on the goal.

"Feel sorry for that keeper. He played a great game, but just mistimed his jump. The ball came right to me, and I had an empty net in front of me. Couldn't miss it."

The game will be kicking off at 2:30 pm. Don't be late.

Scoring

The Eagle's Nest
J. Adams 88:04 (9)

Vozvyshennost
None

MatchDay 7 Recap
The Eagle's Nest scored their 5th clean sheet and took the lead in group 4 after Gesamtkuntswerk tied Mordecei to keep their unbeaten and unscored against streaks alive. A low scoring day in the group. Tomorrow sees key matches Eagle's Nest vs. Commerce Heights, Gesamtkuntswerk vs. Mattigool, and Vozvyshennost vs. Anti-Nazis that should open this group up a bit or tighten the race even more.

Anti-Nazis 1 Formula One Racing 0
Fortuna Prospera 0 Commerce Heights 2
Mattigool 1 Gleam Street 0
Mordecei 0 Gesamtkuntswerk 0
Vozvyshennost 0 The Eagles Nest 1

[code:1:389fb79e92]
Pos Team W D L F A GD Pts PP
1 The Eagle's Nest 6 0 1 11 4 7 18 51
2 Gesamtkuntswerk 5 2 0 11 0 11 17 50
3 Mattigool 5 0 2 12 5 7 15 48
4 Vozvyshennost 4 1 2 8 2 6 13 46
5 Anti-Nazis 4 1 2 10 5 5 13 46
6 Commerce Heights 4 1 2 9 5 4 13 46
7 Formula One Racing 2 0 5 3 10 -7 6 39
8 Fortuna Prospera 1 0 6 2 12 -10 3 36
9 Mordecei 0 2 5 1 9 -8 2 35
10Gleam Street 0 1 6 2 17 -15 1 34
[/code:1:389fb79e92]

The Eagle's Nest WCXIII Qualifying Campaign
Eagle's Nest @ Gleam Street Win 2-0
Eagle's Nest v. Mordecei Win 1-0
Eagle's Nest @ Gesamtkuntswerk Loss 0-3
Eagle's Nest v. Mattigool Win 2-1
Eagle's Nest @ Formula One Racing Win 2-0
Eagle's Nest v. Fortuna Prospera Win 3-0
Eagle's Nest @ Vozvyshennost Win 1-0
Eagle's Nest v. Commerce Heights
Eagle's Nest @ Anti-Nazis
Eagle's Nest v. Gleam Street
Eagle's Nest @ Mordecei
Eagle's Nest V. Gesamtkuntswerk
Eagle's Nest @ Mattigool
Eagle's Nest v. Formula One Racing
Eagle's Nest @ Fortuna Prospera
Eagle's Nest v. Vozvyshennost
Eagle's Nest @ Commerce Heights
Eagle's Nest v. Anti-Nazis

Oglethorpia

30-03-2004, 02:26

Aw MAN! Double post.

Oglethorpia

30-03-2004, 02:42

Capitalism blamed for boring 0-0 draw.

There are rumours about certain activities involving capitalist nations and the score. Rouge nations such as Commerce Heights and Oglethropia are thought to be behind the blatant attempt to undermine the socialist game which is so successful. Their poor attempts to undermine the nation with their snide comments (CH) have been laughed at and the president (or dictator for life, come-on who would vote in capitalism???) shunned from society.

This is just another proof of the evils of capitalism and reasons why it should be stomped out. For these rouge states to stoops so low as to undermine nations via Football, it really is sad. We urge you, destroy the capitalists, they are evil: twisted: !

The Bureaucratic Tribune
The Bureaucratic States' most readily available publication.

Bureaucratic States to support the Belmore Family
Oglethorpia has announced plans to support the Belmore Family in maintaining integrity of the game

By Bill Christmas

OGLETHORPIA (BT) -- With the news that righty-capitalists from Oglethropia (and exiled slippery-slope commie bastards from the admirable free-market utopia of Commerce Heights) were responsible for a nil-nil draw in the Belmore Family's latest match, Bureaucratic States leadership was quick to act in the national debacle, announcing their show of solidarity alongside the Belmore Family.

"We're absolutely behind Prime Minister Alan Belmore, 100% of the way," stated President of the Bureaucratic States, Mel Green. "The rouge nation of Oglethropia MUST be stopped at all costs from perpretrating the injustice resulting in the Belmore Family's nil-nil draw. What Oglethropia has done has jeopordized the very integrity of the world's game -- and we will work hand in hand with the Belmore Family to ensure that what has resulted in a boring nil-nil draw will never happen again from the dastardly captiealest nations of the world."

Critics were quick to criticize the President's promise to aid the Belmore Family.

"What socialist Football game?" asked one critic. "Football socialist? Rrriiiiiggggghhhhhttt. And I was just told Belmorians have an average IQ of 197. Ask anyone, none of the Belmorian domestic footballers are payed a uniform salary -- or for that matter, the same salary as a common Belmorian blue collar worker. Did Alan Belmore XXXXCCCCVII ever make the news for assembling 78 toaster ovens in a day? No. Fat chance he even got recognition at all for exceeding his quota in his local gov't owned factory. But Alan Belmore, the overpayed football star made the news for doing absolutely nothing at all, save for being on a football team. Football stars payed millions of dollars socialist? Hardly! The demand for football inflating their salaries to tremendous preportions -- OH, wait! That sure sounds uncannily like capitalism -- of which the Belmore Family is a declared 'enemy' of. I wonder how many Alans it would take to get Alan Belmore to play for Megalopolis City F.C. -- certainly more than it would cost to purchase any of their other players. You know, the ones you never ever hear about, playing second fiddle to the 'incomparable' Belmore. It's absolutely preposterous."

Still, the President insists that the insidious agents of Oglethropia must be stopped for the safety of the international football game.

"We will fight the good fight and never let the boot up from the neck of the enemy till we are sure the job is done!" declared President Mel Green, as military buildup and war legislation started it's way thru Parliament.

30-03-2004, 04:46

Marie Law (ML): I'm reporting to you live from the House of Prayer where the Warriors just took care of business against a surprising Gaddland squad. The Warriors won 2-0 before a packed house of 90,000, who were esctatic about their teams good play so far in qualifying. Scoring for the Warriors were Kelly Carter Larson and William Harper, both on passes from Rachel Peterson. Despite the win, the Warriors remain in 6th in their qualifying group because Kaze Progressa ran up the score on Aergia, the Warriors' next opponent. Coincidence, I think not. The KP result pushed them ahead of the Warriors based on goals scored, while the Warriors passed Gaddland. Rachel Peterson joins me today to talk about how the WC is going so far. Rachel, how much does it mean to win at home?

Rachel Peterson (RP): If we're going to qualify, we have to take care of business at home against teams that we should beat. I don't mean that in a disrespectful way to the more inexperienced teams in our group, but those are matches that we need to win.

ML: Right now, your team stands 6th in the group. Do you think that your team has a chance to qualify for the WC for the first time?

RP: We're only three points out of a qualifying spot, so it's not out of the question. However, we're going to need to start beating some of the teams ahead of us, because they aren't going to make many mistakes against the more inexperienced teams in our group. Of course, we're going to have to take care of business against those same teams.

ML: What sort of a point total do you think it will take to qualify?

RP: I'm not a math expert, but I would speculate that we'll probably need about 30 points to qualify, considering the quality of our group.

ML: That's probably the number that many experts would put on qualifying as well, so you're not as off base as you think. Getting back to today's match, how big was the play of Joshua Harris in net?

RP: We have a lot of faith in him. We step onto the turf every game knowing the we'll only need a couple of goals to win. He's clearly developed into one of the best goalies in the world.

ML: He's getting up towards retirement age though (just for the record, Harris is 25). Has Mark Williams been getting more time in net recently during practice to prepare him for the day when he has to take over?

RP: Remember, he has a little bit of WC experience himself, because the Coach had him [Williams] play in net after we were eliminated in WC XII, and he led us to an upset of Gesamtkuntswerk, who won our group. He's learning well from Joshua, so we'd feel just as comfortable with Mark in net.

ML: How did it feel getting a pair of assists today?

RP: It was nice, but we don't put much signifigance in individual stats. The stats that we keep the most eye on are the points in the standings, and the goals for and against averages.

ML: It's great to hear that everybody is focused on the team, instead of on individual numbers that are the focus on so many other teams in the competition. Thank you for time, Rachel. I wish the team the best of luck during the remainder of qualifying. Let's send it back to Jennifer in the studio.

Jennifer Johnson: Thank you Marie, for your excellent report. Just to recap for those who may be just tuning in. The Warriors defeated Gaddland today 2-0 before a packed house at the House of Prayer. The Warriors' goals came from Kelly Carter Larson and William Harper. The Warriors take their 6th place standing to Aergia for their next match. Good night everybody.

PRAYING2GOD 2 -Carter Larson (14th minute from Peterson, 3rd of Cup), Harper (62nd minute from Peterson)
Gaddland 0

Unofficial Standings:
Oglethorpia 6-1-0, +9, 18 pts
Runaway Moose 5-2-0, +7, 15 pts
Spaam 4-1-2, +6, 14 pts
Alex The Tall 3-1-3, +5, 12 pts
Kaze Progressa 3-2-2, +5, 11 pts
Praying2God 3-2-2, +5, 11 pts
Gaddland 3-3-1, -1, 10 pts
Pablitopia 1-5-1, -12, 4 pts
Aergia 0-5-2, -12, 2 pts
West Gaddland 0-6-1, -12, 1 pt

30-03-2004, 04:47

Please tell me I didn't double post. :oops:

30-03-2004, 04:50

I did not triple post.

30-03-2004, 04:54

You're nuts if you think I quadruple posted. :P :wink:

Commerce Heights

30-03-2004, 07:16

Halfassedstates

30-03-2004, 12:10

OCC: TnUI - hope you don't mind thought Belless may be off on another adventure!
IC:
WC Update

Halfassed Hurricanes breeze into second!

Jinx over TnUI still in place as Sherwood hits the 30 mark!

After this game in The Commonwealth Stadium yesterday evening, a few things became clear.
There is a human side to goalkeeper Jennung after all.
There is a lot more to TnUI football than the famous Mr. Belless (although they do struggle without him!)
Jarvis Smith may actually have a plan for the national side that we are begining to see come to fruition.
The Halfassed side can battle and play a good game against the better sides in the world.
And most importantly, records can be broken!

After a tremendous run of four clean sheets in the last four games, the Hurricanes defense and Jennung in particular must have had one eye on the record of six set way back in WC9 qualifying. However, everyone in the stadium knew that a certain Mr. Belless would provide a tough test to-day. The question was, would he be playing?

With just seconds to spare as the teams lined up for the anthems at the start of the game, he made it. The change in attitude from the Insancian's was obvious as their singing got slightly louder and had more gusto as their star joined them.

A free flowing first half saw plenty of chances at both ends, but the scores remained blank thanks to some heroic efforts by Belless at one end and by a combination of Ducks and Jennung against the same player at the other.

Just before the break, an injury to Cook gave Belless the chance to have a word with the TnUI manager. While Smith was replacing Cook with Strike, all hell was breaking loose in the other dug out as Belless and the TnUI coach shouted at each other. As the whistle blew for the continuation of the game Belless sprinted onto the pitch and dispossessed Perfect before embarking on a frankly ridiculous solo run that ended with Ducks, White and Boot in a tangled mess as the ball nestled into the bottom corner of Jennungs goal. Belless ran towards the dugout as if in celebration, but quickly side stepped his gaffer and dived down the tunnel towards the changing room as the half-time whistle went.

Belless didn't return for the second period, and the fight back began. Sherwood finally broke Wallaces long standing goal-scoring record in the 61st minute with the simpliest of tap-ins after Greggs shot had been parried by the keeper.

Ducks continued her scoring streak and put the home side in front with a trademark header from Perfects corner in the 76th minute. Five minutes later, Sherwood hit the 30 mark and sealed the game with a blistering 25 yard strike.

After the match, most of the talk was of Sherwoods feat, but there were also a few wondering if he would have managed to score had the mecurial Belless still been around. "I don't know. He his an amazing player who has a stunning ability to be in the right place at the right time on the pitch. He his incredible" said Sherwood of Belless afterwards.

With the qualifying stages almost at halfway, the top five in the group are, as expected, begining to move clear of the rest. The games between these teams will likely decide who makes it through to WC13.
[code:1:a428c74921]
Pts W D L GF:GA GD
1. Nikea 19 6 1 1 18: 4 14
2. Halfassedstates 18 6 0 2 18: 6 12
3. Brazillico 18 6 0 2 11: 6 5
4. Aquilla 17 5 2 1 12: 2 10
5. Total n Utter Insanity 16 5 1 2 12: 5 7
6. Indigo Islands 9 3 0 5 8:12 -4
7. Largent 6 1 3 4 4:16 -12
8. Pablicosta 5 1 2 5 5:13 -8
9. Steves Island 4 1 1 6 2:17 -15
10.Hawcoat 2 0 2 6 1:10 -9
[/code:1:a428c74921]

HAS v Aquilla (lt) 0-2
HAS v Hawcoat (wn) 2-0 (Smith, Sherwood)
Nikea v HAS (lt) 1-3 (Sherwood)
HAS v Steves Is (wn) 2-0 (Sherwood 2)
Brazillico v HAS (wn) 3-0 (Gregg 2, Smith)
HAS v Largent (wn) 4-0 (Totti 2, Ducks, Sherwood)
Pablicosta v HAS (wn) 3-0 (Ducks, Soap, Gregg)
HAS v TnUI (wn) 3-1 (Sherwood 2, Ducks)

Giant Zucchini

30-03-2004, 12:31

NEWSFLASH:

The Zucchinis have dealt The Weegies their first loss this qualifying with another brilliant performance. The Zucchinis gave The Weegies a fright when Urk broke through their defence as early as the 3rd minute before unleashing a killer cross that fell precisely on the head of the onrushing Yew Sei Biu, who headed the ball strongly into the back of the net. The score was then 2-0 early in the second half when a perfectly weighted Kerrnigit pass was driven into the back of the net by Urk. After that goal, Urk was substituted off for Throck, who marshalled the 5 man defence. However, much as they tried, they could not hold on to their valuable clean sheet. Aargh slid in carelessly on Dunn and cost the team a foul. Ferguson proceeded to produce a bending curler which hit the post and rebounded into the net. That strike ended a streak of 7 qualifying matches which the Zucchinis did not concede a goal. Nevertheless, the win lifts them above The Weegies to the top of the table, and the Zucchinis will hope that they will remain there for the rest of qualifying.

Brazillico

30-03-2004, 12:43

The Brazillico Advance

Brazillico and Projectiles; A Storied History

By Jake Tartare

It seems as long as there has been football, there have been fans wanting to throw objects onto the field. This is particularly true when the Chili Bats are in town. Let’s take a look at the long and rich history of people throwing objects onto the field during matches involving the Brazillican internationals.

Before Official Records Were Kept: When a player scores three goal, he is said to have accomplished a hat-trick. This began when fans in attendance used to tip their hats in homage of a player accomplishing such a feat. Some rambunctious, drunken fans upped the ante with this custom one day in San Pablo, throwing their hats onto the field to show their appreciation for the player at hand. Thus began one of the most glorious traditions in Brazillican footballing history, although ironically enough, no Brazillican has ever scored three goals in a game on the international level.

Thirty-nine years ago: During a friendly match in Tanah Burung, a vendor tossed a Palopo fruit towards a fan in attendance. Butterfingers Bi Bere fanned on the flying fruit, letting it slip through his hands and onto the pitch. The palopo struck McGarnicle in the knee, forcing him to have reconstructive surgery, ending the career of one of the most popular players in Brazillican history.

Thirty-six years ago: Brazillico hosted the fourth edition of the World Cup, witnessing a fever pitch in popularity in the sport. A new practice took flight, as every time a Brazillican player scored, the audience would litter the field by throwing dead Chili Bats onto the pitch. This tradition was very short lived, as fans grew impatient with the excessive time it took cleaning crews to rid the field of the flying mammals.

Four Years Ago: The time honoured tradition of showering opposing teams with boos and beer bottles took a radical turn, as a fan through a T-Bone steak during a BSE Free Bovines match. The steak hit Horace, the team mascot, in the head, marking the first time Brazillicans turned their abuse towards mascots and the first time a choice cut of meat was used as a projectile.

Four Years Ago: In one of the most bewildering coincidences in all of sporting history, Soylent Oranges, manufactured in Oglethorpia, were declared illegal while Brazillico was hosting the Bureaucratic States. Fans then bought Soylent Oranges with stunning vigor, using the genetically engineered fruit to pelt the Wonderteam for the remainder of the match.

Two Weeks Ago: In Melmond, Brazillican referee Not Ronaldo’s career was tragically cut short after getting hit in the head by a plastic doll. It marked the first time a referee of Brazillican decent was the victim of a projectile-throwing incident.

Last Night: The Brazillico Chili Bats took to the field amidst a barrage of “Solid Gold” candy bars in Steve’s Island. The throwing of feces, which had been promised prior to the match by Steve Ribeiro, ended up being just a ruse to allow for the tossing of these delicious toffee-based, chocolate-coated bars. Star striker Alex Cannon narrowly dodged one such bar at the one minute mark of the match, moving straight into the path of a wicked strike by Tobias Cannon instead. Alex Cannon took the ball in the gut and will be out for four to six matchdays with two broken ribs. Despite missing one of their best attacking threats, Brazillico was completely unphased by the golden shower, going on to methodically dominate Steve’s Island, 2-0.

Eauz

30-03-2004, 13:08

Le LIBRE

Things falling into place

Les Bleus travelled to Gormith to play their 8th qualifying match, coming off a 1 – 0 win against Just an Egg. As Les Bleus got off the plane, they were amazed at all the publicity just in the airport. There were signs everywhere, trying to sell people everything, something that Les Bleus never see in their Socialist Society. The national stadium for Gormith had just been recently built, making for an even more special feeling of a championship. Just before the match, there was a little pre-game show.

The first half started with a loud horn, as Les Bleus at the start felt intimidated by the crowd, and the crazy sounds everywhere. Gormith must have planed to play like this, because they were on a strong attack early in the match. The first 10 minutes were played in the Eauz zone, as Gormith placed a lot of pressure on Les Bleus. Fortunatly for Les Bleus, the ten minutes of attacking by Gormith resulted in nothing. Later in the first half, Les Bleus would score the first goal of the match from a long distance shot. Les Bleus would enter the first half break up 1 – 0. Showing disrespect for the home team, and hatred for Les Bleus, Gormith fans threw things on the field, hitting a few people. Police would later beat some people.

The second half brought an even stronger performance by Les Bleus. During the 49th minute of play, the second goal for Les Bleus was scores. As soon as the ball hit the back of the net, the fans started booing louder and throwing things. Gormith would not get back into the match from here, except for one attack, which was called off side. Once Les Bleus scored their third goal at the 53rd minute, people started leaving the stadium. By the 60th minute, most of the stadium was empty, with only a few fans left. Les Bleus would put an end to the match at the 77th minute of play, with their 4th goal of the match. Les Bleus would go on to win against Gormith, 4 – 0.

The coach commented on the match saying: “Wow, this is bad when the fans of the home team just leave the stadium. Oh well, it won’t be my job, hehehe…” Les Bleus after 6 close matches, went back to scoring a blow-out of 4 – 0.

The next match finds Les Bleus back at home against East Spaam, who was expected to be make a strong showing, but has yet to show up to it’s expectations. Les Bleus though, should not take this as an easy match, because Spaam could wake up, and become stronger in the second half. After the match against Spaam, there will be a short break, and a restart of the second half.

Round 1: Tadjikistan @ Eauz W 0 - 4
Round 2: Eauz @ Intelligent Madness W 4 - 0
Round 3: Liverpool England @ Eauz W 1 - 2
Round 4: Eauz @ Zephyrs W 2 - 0
Round 5: Europa Brittania @ Eauz L 1 - 0
Round 6: Eauz @ The Redavic Union W 2 - 0
Round 7: Just an egg @ Eauz W 0 - 1
Round 8: Eauz @ Gormith W 4 - 0
Round 9: East Spaam @ Eauz
Round 10: Eauz @ Tadjikistan
Round 11: Intelligent Madness @ Eauz
Round 12: Eauz @ Liverpool England
Round 13: Zephyrs @ Eauz
Round 14: Eauz @ Europa Brittania
Round 15: The Redavic Union @ Eauz
Round 16: Eauz @ Just an Egg
Round 17: Gormith @ Eauz
Round 18: East Spaam @ Eauz

[code:1:d4684c71c0]
Group 8
Pts W D L GF:GA GD
1. Eauz 21 7 0 1 19: 2 17
2. Europa Brittania 21 7 0 1 16: 2 14
3. Liverpool England 18 6 0 2 18: 6 12
4. East Spaam 16 5 1 2 15: 7 8
5. The Redavic Union 13 4 1 3 9:10 -1
6. Gormith 8 2 2 4 7:12 -5
7. Intelligent Madness 6 1 3 4 4:16 -12
8. Tadjikistan 5 1 2 5 6:17 -11
9. Zephyrs 3 0 3 5 4:16 -12
10.Just an egg 2 0 2 6 2:12 -10
[/code:1:d4684c71c0]

Eauz

30-03-2004, 13:09

Terrorists blamed for double post

Jeruselem

30-03-2004, 14:22

Falls over server ...

Jeruselem

30-03-2004, 14:23

Jeruselem Government News

Jeruselem muddy Creedence's path

In a thriller, Jeruselem beat Creedence Clearwater 3-2 to put their campaign back on track. This pushed Jeruselem back to 4th as CC fell back to 5th in Group 7. Lemmitania and Squornshelous also won to keep them on top of group 7 while Antaeus Rising is still on their tail as well with a win.

Two earlier goals to Jeruselem in the first from counter-attacking plays resulted in Jones (15) and Becks (40) scoring left flank goals. CC sent extra men to attack to put pressure on the Jeruselem goal, but lax marking left their defenders with nothing to but watch the Crusaders beat their keeper.

The second half brought a classic CC counter-offensive with Player X scoring from a corner with decisive header past keeper Abdul in the 50 minute. Another corner resulted from bad clearance from Goldstein and again CC scored with Player Y tapping in a simple goal in the 75 minute.

Mimmi Goldstein stole the ball from a confident CC midfield and headed down the field to confront the CC keeper after brushing aside tired defenders. The keeper rushed forward and Mimmi chipped brilliantly over him to score the winning goal in the 87th minute.

Several CC players looked distaunt after looking with unwanted attention from jubliant Jeruselem fans singing "Bad Moon Rising"

Group 7: Antaeus Rising 2 Grand master Mark 1
Group 7: Creedence Clearwater 2 Jeruselem 3
Group 7: Jaegermeistria 0 Haraki 0
Group 7: New Cyprus 0 Squornshelous 3
Group 7: The Republican Army 0 Lemmitania 3

[code:1:f938ff3f70]
Group 7
Pts W D L GF:GA GD
1. Lemmitania 18 5 3 0 15: 4 11
2. Squornshelous 18 5 3 0 14: 3 11
3. Antaeus Rising 17 5 2 1 11: 3 8
4. Jeruselem 16 5 1 2 15:12 3
5. Creedence Clearwater 14 4 2 2 13: 9 4
6. The Republican Army 12 4 0 4 8: 9 -1
7. Grand master Mark 7 2 1 5 7:11 -4
8. Jaegermeistria 5 1 2 5 4:10 -6
9. Haraki 5 1 2 5 3:13 -10
10.New Cyprus 0 0 0 8 2:18 -16
[/code:1:f938ff3f70]

Tadjikistan

30-03-2004, 15:10

First win for Tadjikistan

Coach Issersons sat on his bench, and was very calm for a man in his situation. A loss would have meant he had to resign. The team however did better then expected and beat Just an Egg with 1-3.

The match started quite fair with chances on both sides, until Fedorenko got the ball from Purkayev in the 21th minute, who had found an opening in the Egg-flank, Fedorenko placed the ball in the upper right corner.

Just an Egg fought back in the minutes after the Tadjik goal and evened the score in the 38th minute, ending the first half in a 1-1 draw. aceptable but Isserson realized that it could be better And replaced Khetagurov by Cherniajkhovskij during the pause.

In the second half of the match the Tadjiks took over and started a series of attacks on the Egg goal that not only gave Fedorenko and captain Lyudnikov chances in the 48th and 62th minute but also resulted in 2 goals by Cherniakhovskij in the 72th and 80th minute putting the score at 1 - 3 and his total to 4 in the qualifications. After these 2 goals Isserson replaced Fedorenko by Managarov, a defender, to secure the Tadjik goal for the last 10 minutes.

The victory over Just an Egg was good for coach Isserson who could now focus on the 9th match against Gormith. Gormith performes slightly better than Tadjikistan, but coach Isserson expects to have a fair chance at winning. Further losses for Zephyrs and Just an Egg could then protect Tadjikistan from the last place, and make Tadjikistans debute in the WC-series atleast acceptable and the Issersons job saved.

Snub Nose 38

30-03-2004, 15:21

*motoring to the mountains for a well earned vacation, we turn on the car radio for company. we keep it tuned to aspn. as we turn up the volume, we hear...*

...at a meeting this morning discussing the most recent World Cup XIII qualifier results. Noticing an odd bulge in the floor length window drapes, and what appeared to be the toe of a boot sticking out beneath them, he thought the worst - that either an assassination attempt or robbery was underway. Grabbing a rapier from a fencing plaque on the wall, he thrust it through the curtain at the assumed assailant/burglar.

He was horrified when his girl friends father fell out from behind the curtain, wounded terribly. It turns out the father, at Justin's mother's suggestion, was spying on Justin in an attempt to find out just what Justin's intentions towards his daughter are. The wounded gentleman was taken to the Intensive Stupidity Ward of Saint Swithens Hospital.

The Sheriff of Remington County arrested Mr. Case on charges of Polonius Assaut.

In World Cup XIII Qualifying news the Hooligans remain undefeated after today's match. It nearly wasn't so. The Lowland Clans looked the better side today, and the run of play was in their favor from the opening kick off. A goal in the 18th minute put them up 1 - 0, and that remained the score through the half.

At half time the Hooligan Cheerleaders were - you guessed it - once again arrested. They've gone into the Guiness Book of World Records now as having been arrested more frequently than any other group or individual.

The match resumed, and The Lowland Clans looked to take a 2 - 0 lead in the 63rd minute on a powerful shot that was barely tipped away by the Hooligan keeper.

In the 89th minute there was a questionable foul called in the box, resulting in a Hooligan penaly shot - and the equalizing goal. Later review showed that the Hooligan player actually took a dive and got away with it. Were everything fair in this world, he would have been yellow carded, the match resumed with a free kick to The Lowland Clans, and most probably a defeat for the Hooligans.

Be that as it may, the Hooligans not only remain unbeaten thus far, at 7 wins 1 draw and no loses, but find themselves today with the best qualifying record of any side - at the moment. However, that won't last long if they continue to play as poorly as they did today.

In Competitive Piercing news today...

*not being fans of competitive piercing (although we did take in an event in tanah burung once, and did rather enjoy it), we tune out aspn and tune in a fusion jazz station. onward to our mountain hideaway! we hear a "38 special" calling our name.*

Kerla

30-03-2004, 16:18

Kerlan News Network

Presents

Kerla National Soccer

Jill Numbnuts here in Anahit where the Union again won 1-0. Great game by goalie John Middleton which again posted a shutout (his third) in which he blocked an impressive 20 shots. There was some of coursethat looked like they would go in and he made some great saves. A great goal by Sid Cruiser secured the game for the Union. The Bulldog looked like he would get another goal but the Anahit goalie made a great save on him. All in all this was another great game by the Union. I feel that that Union will go far this year and have another great World Cup. The Union also moved up to first place in Group 3 surpaassing both Belmorian Scandinavia and Oddslavo. Oddslavo was the favorite to win the group.

The Weegies

30-03-2004, 17:15

Giant Vegetables Too Strong For Weegies
Evil cyborg super footballer theory loses credence

Well, we all felt this coming. After our marvellous victory against the One Red Dot squad, the Zucchinis, the 5th seeds looked far too strong for the young Weegie side who have played possibly the best football of their careers so far, especially those in Mackintosh Thistle Celtic, who are currently leaders of Group H of the Champions League.

The Zucchinis knew how to counter our physical prescence that has managed to win us our international matches recently, and the 5-man defence was a defensive rock that it seemed no Weegie, not even Dunn our leading international scorer, could pass. The technical, skilful performance of the Zucchinis overwhelmed the Weegie side at first, with Urk providing a killer cross inside the first minute to leave Yew Sei Biu with a simple header that Britton simply could not catch.

But our defence tightened up after that, with Fredrikkson and Johansson putting forth an impressive central defensive partnership to keep the maurading Zucchinis at bay. Added to that a good performance for the rest of the half by Britton, and by the first half, the Weegies were still in with a chance to take even the 3 points from the Zucchinis away from Mackintosh, even though most of the attacks had come from the Zucchinis.

The Zucchinis took advantage again of slow Weegie warming up, with anouther quick goal coming as Urk smashed the ball past Britton. The Weegies started to move forward after this, aware that their unbeaten run was under threat, and the Zucchinis began to soak up some punishment, the Zucchini goalkeeper woken from his torpor to pull off a decent save to stop Dunn pulling the Weegie side back.

We did pull one back, though, after a badly-timed slide cost the Zucchinis a free kick at the edge of the area. Ferguson swerved the ball past the wall, whereit deflected off the post and into the net. The Zucchinis tried to re-establish a 2-goal advantage, but the Weegie defence kept them at bay.

Despite the loss, and the Zucchinis takingthe Weegies' place at top of the group, the manager maintains it was a good match for the Weegie side.

"We defended well, played well, and scored against the Zucchinis - which hadn't happened in the qualifying yet - who are 5th seeds, at their home turf. I think we did very well, considering the sheer class of opposition. Anyway, let's see if we can return the favour at the Dear Green Place, eh?"

One Red Dot

30-03-2004, 17:40

The Red Dot Informant

Win, Lose and Draw

It was a bumpy ride for the Wolves these past three days, but hopfully things can look better for the Wolves who have come so far.

It was supposed to be a grand derby like no other, but the Dottians and the Zucchini fans were terribly disappointed at the Royal Red Dot National Stadium when both teams ended up with a 0-0 clash.

The Wolves newest Head Coach, Chris Gwee, says that such a draw despite disappointing, did help to riase the spirits of the players, especially since the Zucchinis did come quite a long way, now residing at 5th.

However, all was lost again when The Weegies gave a 0-1 lost victory to the Wolves. The 4-0 win over The Alan Belmore Army did make things feel a bit better.

The next match is a free day for the Wolves so a friendly match between Chisai'nihon FC and Natodrid FC is set to take place.

The Wolves hope to make the Cup again after missing the opportunity in WC12.

Tables provided by Cockbill Street ad Rejistania
[code:1:bef9173d50]Group 6
Pts W D L GF:GA GD
1. Giant Zucchini 22 7 1 0 11: 1 10
2. The Weegies 21 7 0 1 17: 3 14
3. One Red Dot 16 5 1 2 13: 4 9
4. Sliponia 15 4 3 1 11: 5 6
5. Timway 11 3 2 3 12: 8 4
6. NASTIC 2 9 2 3 3 5: 5 0
7. The Alan Belmore Army 7 2 1 5 5:16 -11
8. Lennon Marx 5 1 2 5 4:10 -6
9. Jagiellonia 3 0 3 5 4:17 -13
10.Crystilakere 2 0 2 6 2:15 -13[/code:1:bef9173d50]

As the halfway point is close by, the nations has almost set a trend. Giant Zucchini, The Weegies, One Red Dot and Sliponia are taking the lead at this point and it will be the matches between them which might decide who proceeds and who does not. Timway and NASTIC 2 do stand a chance but The Alan Belmore Army, Lennon Marx, Jagiellonia and Crystilakere don't seem to stand a chance at the coveted cup.

Match Fixtures for ORD {Day 9~18}
9 - BYE!
10 - Crystilakere v One Red Dot @ Crystilakere
11 - One Red Dot v NASTIC 2 @ Royal Burrington Stadium, Burrington
12 - Jagiellonia v One Red Dot @ Jagiellonia
13 - One Red Dot v Timway @ Royal Burrington Stadium, Burrington
14 - Sliponia v One Red Dot @ Sliponia
15 - Giant Zucchini v One Red Dot @ Giant Zucchini
16 - One Red Dot v The Weegies @ Royal Red Dot National Stadium, Dottian Capital Territory
17 - The Alan Belmore Army v One Red Dot @ The Alan Belmore Army
18 - BYE!

Rejistania

30-03-2004, 18:04

Group 6
Jagiellonia
Timway
One Red Dot
Giant Zucchini
The Weegies
The Alan Belmore Army
Lennon Marx
Crystilakere
NASTIC 2
Sliponia

The schedule of games is as follows:

Round 1: 1 v 10, 2 v 9, 3 v 8, 4 v 7, 5 v 6
Round 2: 10 v 6, 7 v 5, 8 v 4, 9 v 3, 1 v 2
Round 3: 2 v 10, 3 v 1, 4 v 9, 5 v 8, 6 v 7
Round 4: 10 v 7, 8 v 6, 9 v 5, 1 v 4, 2 v 3
Round 5: 3 v 10, 4 v 2, 5 v 1, 6 v 9, 7 v 8
Round 6: 10 v 8, 9 v 7, 1 v 6, 2 v 5, 3 v 4
Round 7: 4 v 10, 5 v 3, 6 v 2, 7 v 1, 8 v 9
Round 8: 10 v 9, 1 v 8, 2 v 7, 3 v 6, 4 v 5
Round 9: 5 v 10, 6 v 4, 7 v 3, 8 v 2, 9 v 1

You are playing Lennon Marx on MD9 and 18

Audioslavia

30-03-2004, 19:03

Dennisov 0 - 2 Audioslavia

PWND!

sorry, essay, due for tommorow, gotta do it in an hour, being dragged out clubbing, damn g/f, damn damn damn

NEWI Cefn Druids

30-03-2004, 19:06

The Daily Druid

DRUID PREDICTION CURSE STRIKES AGAIN
Wayne Ottgunn-Irwin on what others just call a bit of a coincidence.

OK, before the Bedistan match, I said that when we predict a Druid win it never happens, but the same thing also happens for publications in other countries. And so, once again, the same thing has happened.

Yes, you heard it not only here, but also in the most recent edition of Bedistan Sports Digest, that this would end as a win for the Lions. But once again, the curse has struck, with the match ending one-all. To be fair, Bedistan probably deserved to win, and their first half Karen Neighbors goal looked to be enough for victory. But a Druid corner in the dying seconds was headed in by centre-back Amos Hinton, who had gone forward in a last throw of the dice for the Druids.

So will the 'curse' continue? Next up to test the theory are the Ians from Iansisle, who we think will probably beat the Druids. The last time they met was seven years ago in the Cup of Harmony, when the Ians chalked up their record victory margin with a 6-1 win. 6-1 this time would be embarrassing for the Druids, but we expect another convincing Ians win.

Final score:
Bedistan 1 [Neighbors 26]
NEWI Cefn Druids 1 [Hinton 90]

Vilita

30-03-2004, 20:06

http://www.dirt-racing.com/3wide/sites/ao/vn.gif

Vilita (http://www.nationstates.net/cgi-bin/index.cgi/34936/page=display_nation/nation=vilita) 2 - 1 Compound Interest

(Banda 52, S.Kecker 74) :: (Culeator 34)

Santo Kecker inspired Vilita (http://www.nationstates.net/cgi-bin/index.cgi/34936/page=display_nation/nation=vilita) to their first win in the WCQ Competition with a 2-1 victory over Compound Interest in Lopinka, Vilita.

After Vilita (http://www.nationstates.net/cgi-bin/index.cgi/34936/page=display_nation/nation=vilita) had fallen behind to a first-half Cal Culeator strike, Kecker set up Callum Banda for an equaliser before producing a cool finish for the home side's 74th-minute winner.

It was no less than an all-round team effort deserved - Vilita (http://www.nationstates.net/cgi-bin/index.cgi/34936/page=display_nation/nation=vilita) rode out a strong assault by the visitors in the opening period, during which Enzo Ahat also hit the bar with a header.

Manager Helmut Vilkaus also came out with credit, tinkering twice with Vilita (http://www.nationstates.net/cgi-bin/index.cgi/34936/page=display_nation/nation=vilita)'s formation in a bid to counter similar changes by his opponents.

With CI backed by a 2,368-strong away following, Vilita (http://www.nationstates.net/cgi-bin/index.cgi/34936/page=display_nation/nation=vilita) made a jittery start - too often guilty of gifting their opponents ball. CI skipper Matt Matician hit the side netting with a 25-yard direct free-kick in the 10th minute and Culeator grazed the bar with a half-volley six minutes later after running on to a well placed through ball.

Vilita (http://www.nationstates.net/cgi-bin/index.cgi/34936/page=display_nation/nation=vilita) were being backed into their own half as CI - playing Culeator up front - made several surging runs from midfield and enjoyed the majority of possession in the opening part of the half.

The home side bounced back in the 24th minute as Ahat stole on to a Stott corner and hit the bar with a header. As CI failed to clear danger Banda forced The interest keeper to make a diving stop to keep out his downward header, and the CI keeper required a second bite to deny the advancing Salomón.

The interest keeper was guilty of a part in a further Vilita (http://www.nationstates.net/cgi-bin/index.cgi/34936/page=display_nation/nation=vilita) chance in the 31st minute when he cleared the ball straight to Stott in midfield. After a short build-up, the young Vilitan helped win a corner before seeing his shot from the edge of the area deflected over the bar by Matt Matician.

But CI deservedly went one-up in the 34th minute as Vilita (http://www.nationstates.net/cgi-bin/index.cgi/34936/page=display_nation/nation=vilita) were caught unawares on a free-kick to the left of the area. The ball was flicked on for Culeator who finished a strong run into the box with a low drive into Massimo Corsi's left-hand corner.

That goal saw Vilita (http://www.nationstates.net/cgi-bin/index.cgi/34936/page=display_nation/nation=vilita) switch to a 3-5-2 formation with Mark Price being switched to the right side of a three-man defence and Adika being pushed into the left side of midfield.

That defence was again called into action when Price was guilty of a slip that let in Culeator in injury-time only for Ahat to make a goal-saving tackle on the edge of the box.

The opening period suggested that it would be another tight half after the break but Vilita (http://www.nationstates.net/cgi-bin/index.cgi/34936/page=display_nation/nation=vilita) excelled in defence as their visitors were denied a single shot on goal.

Jonathon Baledrokadroka shot over the bar and the Interest defense had to intercept a Stott cross under pressure by Germán Salomón as Vilita (http://www.nationstates.net/cgi-bin/index.cgi/34936/page=display_nation/nation=vilita) made a patient start and were rewarded with a goal in the 52nd minute.

http://www.dirt-racing.com/3wide/sites/ao/goal.gif

Giacomo Adika released Kecker on the left and his looping cross was met at the near post by Banda who glanced a header past The interest keeper for the historic first goal for the team.

Kecker shrugged off a crunching challenge to shoot wide of the goal after a quickly-taken Stott free-kick.

Vilkaus switched to a 4-4-2 formation with the introduction of Danilo Liguori and Alexander Östling and was rewarded with the winner in the 72nd minute when Kecker ran onto a Stott through ball to score with a cool finish past the interest keeper.

Vilita (http://www.nationstates.net/cgi-bin/index.cgi/34936/page=display_nation/nation=vilita) dug in and defended their lead and almost grabbed a killer third in injury time as Kecker broke on the left and crossed only for the ball to fall just behind the advancing sub Jim Vella.

Attendance: 14,294

Bookings: Vilita (http://www.nationstates.net/cgi-bin/index.cgi/34936/page=display_nation/nation=vilita) - none; Compound Interest - none.

Referee: H Webb (Audioslavia)

http://www.dirt-racing.com/3wide/sites/ao/v8stat.gif

http://www.dirt-racing.com/3wide/sites/ao/v11-6.jpg
http://www.dirt-racing.com/3wide/sites/ao/vb8.jpg

----------------

M01:
Vilita (http://www.nationstates.net/cgi-bin/index.cgi/34936/page=display_nation/nation=vilita) [0] - [4] Lowlands Clans
M02:
Vilita (http://www.nationstates.net/cgi-bin/index.cgi/34936/page=display_nation/nation=vilita) [0] - [1] Snub Nose 38
M03:
Vilita (http://www.nationstates.net/cgi-bin/index.cgi/34936/page=display_nation/nation=vilita) [0] - [1] Warnocks Wizards
M04:
Vilita (http://www.nationstates.net/cgi-bin/index.cgi/34936/page=display_nation/nation=vilita) [0] - [1] Lovebug
M05:
Vilita (http://www.nationstates.net/cgi-bin/index.cgi/34936/page=display_nation/nation=vilita) [0] - [1] The Belmore Family
M06:
Vilita (http://www.nationstates.net/cgi-bin/index.cgi/34936/page=display_nation/nation=vilita) [0] - [0] Dance 2 Revolution
M07:
Vilita (http://www.nationstates.net/cgi-bin/index.cgi/34936/page=display_nation/nation=vilita) [0] - [1] Lovisa
M08:
Vilita (http://www.nationstates.net/cgi-bin/index.cgi/34936/page=display_nation/nation=vilita) [2] - [1] Compound Interest
M09:
Vilita (http://www.nationstates.net/cgi-bin/index.cgi/34936/page=display_nation/nation=vilita) [] - [] Aserjin
M10:
Vilita (http://www.nationstates.net/cgi-bin/index.cgi/34936/page=display_nation/nation=vilita) [] - [] Lowlands Clans
M11:
Vilita (http://www.nationstates.net/cgi-bin/index.cgi/34936/page=display_nation/nation=vilita) [] - [] Snub Nose 38
M12:
Vilita (http://www.nationstates.net/cgi-bin/index.cgi/34936/page=display_nation/nation=vilita) [] - [] Warnocks Wizards
M13:
Vilita (http://www.nationstates.net/cgi-bin/index.cgi/34936/page=display_nation/nation=vilita) [] - [] Lovebug
M14:
Vilita (http://www.nationstates.net/cgi-bin/index.cgi/34936/page=display_nation/nation=vilita) [] - [] The Belmore Family
M15:
Vilita (http://www.nationstates.net/cgi-bin/index.cgi/34936/page=display_nation/nation=vilita) [] - [] Dance 2 Revolution
M16:
Vilita (http://www.nationstates.net/cgi-bin/index.cgi/34936/page=display_nation/nation=vilita) [] - [] Lovisa
M17:
Vilita (http://www.nationstates.net/cgi-bin/index.cgi/34936/page=display_nation/nation=vilita) [] - [] Compound Interest
M18:
Vilita (http://www.nationstates.net/cgi-bin/index.cgi/34936/page=display_nation/nation=vilita) [] - [] Aserjin

-----------------

Group 5 Results from Matchday 8:
Group 5: Dance 2 Revolution 0 Lovisa 0
Group 5: Lovebug 1 Aserjin 1
Group 5: The Belmore Family 1 Snub Nose 38 1
Group 5: Vilita 2 Compound Interest 1
Group 5: Warnocks Wizards 1 The Lowland Clans 0
[code:1:ca2e699686]
Group 5
Pts W D L GF:GA GD
1. Snub Nose 38 22 7 1 0 17: 3 14
2. Warnocks Wizards 15 4 3 1 6: 2 4
3. Dance 2 Revolution 13 3 4 1 6: 2 4
4. Lovisa 13 4 1 3 7: 8 -1
5. The Lowland Clans 12 4 0 4 12: 6 6
6. The Belmore Family 11 4 2 2 6: 5 1
7. Lovebug 11 3 2 3 9: 9 0
8. Vilita 4 1 1 6 2:10 -8
9. Compound Interest 4 1 1 6 5:16 -11
10.Aserjin 3 0 3 5 1:10 -9
The Belmore Family was deducted 3 points
[/code:1:ca2e699686]
----------------

The Colony of Vilita (http://www.nationstates.net/cgi-bin/index.cgi/34936/page=display_nation/nation=vilita) Jungle Cats will be looking to qualify for the World Cup finals in their first attempt after only recently being recognized by the World Governing Body. The Jungle Cats are currently undefeated in the last 6 Atlantian Oceania (http://www.nationstates.net/cgi-bin/index.cgi/34936/page=display_region/region=atlantian_oceania) Regional championships, and look poised to add to that total in the upcoming Atlantian Oceania (http://www.nationstates.net/cgi-bin/index.cgi/34936/page=display_region/region=atlantian_oceania) Olympic games. Their squad will consist of mostly young stars from the National league, with a few experienced veterans, from the days before baseball was outlawed in the Nation, to guide them on their way to Glory.

Eauz

30-03-2004, 20:16

Melmond

30-03-2004, 21:02

Ignition
Fearless Farmers Lose to Kingsford 2-0 in a Heated Match
By Dita Dutch of the Acosta Chronicle

KINGSFORD—It has been said that eating red meat raises one’s testosterone level. Testosterone, the male hormone, is often thought to be linked to strength and aggression. What Melmond’s opponent Kingsford is known for is quite possibly the best pit beef in the NationStates world. It appears that both players and fans of both the Melmond and Kingsford sides had there fill of the delicious pit beef. The testosterone was raging in both men, women, and genderqueers alike in this one.
The atmosphere in the stadium was much like the mood of both sides. It was a sweltering hot and sunny day. The aromatic smoke from the tailgate barbecues permeated the stadium. Both sides were heating up and you can see and smell the smoke.
Right from the get go, both sides let each other have it. It appeared that the Fearless Farmers had the early advantage strategy wise. Manager Felix Coostatlwak was a coach in Kingsford’s top football league for a short while so he was very familiar with the Kingsford style and set up some plays to take advantage of some of the known weaknesses. The first shot on goal by Benjamin Leeb resulted in an acrobatic save by Kingsford goalkeeper Pace Arano in which even Melmond fans had to stand up and applause. The second strike by Camui Arai was out of the reach of Arano but went wide of the net. The third attempt was on a corner kick earned when Martin Goodwin’s cross was deflected by Kingsford defender Sonny Nordic. Jonsi Torrini’s corner was on target to the high flying Chris Owen. However Owen was not able to finish as he ill-timed the header.
On the ensuing goal kick, the emotional fire within the stadium was about to turn into an inferno. Kingsford was threatening to score. Kingsford midfielder Brian Morstedd makes a skilled pass to Striker Carl Shetfield. Shetfield, who was jockeying for position to get a clear shot at the goal or for a pass, uses his right hand to grab Melmond defender Nina Steen’s jersey and threw her down. No call by the referee! Shetfield finds a streaking Saturn Calcete who was able to score the first Kingsford goal at the 21st minute. Angry, Nina Steen went right for the balls, notice that was plural. Carl Shetfield was in a world of pain after the swift kick to the crotch by Steen. Nina Steen got an immediate red card and expulsion. She will miss the next two matches. Shetfield vomited on the field and he and the vomit had to be removed. Simon the Canaanite was Shetfield’s substitute as Kingsford has a goal and player advantage.
Ten minutes later, Simon the Canaanite makes the best of his opportunity and makes his presence felt. In this Tour de Force of a game, Canaanite pulled of a Tour de France, bicycle kicking the hard ricochet off Melmond defender Sergio Ortiz’s legs in the net. At the 31st minute, it was 2-nil Kingsford. Going into halftime, the Fearless Farmers of Melmond appeared to be in a bad way.
Some risky adjustments made by Felix Coostatlwak paid off in the second half, as the pressure by the Fearless Farmers offence returned to its beginning of the first half strength. However, in an upcoming corner, the inferno was going to get even hotter. Torrini kicks the ball, Critandi Unne was in position to head the ball in. However, Kingsford defender David was recorded of saying “Get off me you he/she freak!” to Critandi Unne and swung a flagrant elbow right to hir nose. Critandi was down and bloodied. Red was David’s color as he receives a red card of his own as he was ejected in the 50th minute. He will miss the next two matches.
As David was about to leave the pitch, one irate Melmond fan was trying to look for a projectile to throw at David. He found a charcoal briquette. However, while trying to swipe it, a Kingsford fan said, “That’s my lucky briquette you arseorifice!” They get into a punching fight and are both arrested by Kingsford authorities.
Now both teams had 10 players. However Melmond had the greater disadvantage as their best player was out injured. Critandi had to be substituted due to hir broken nose. Hir substitute, Rainy Zoulthane was ordered to take the penalty shot in Unne’s place. Arano guessed wrong, but the shot was over the bar! Zoulthane’s young nerves got the best of her.
As the game wound down, the tempers didn’t. Melmond midfielder Cristina Antunez made a very late tackle from behind on Kingsford defender Santo Yesucristo. Antunez receives a yellow card, her second of the season, which means she will miss the next match. At full time, Kingsford was the victor 2-nil. Melmond takes a big fall in their hopes to qualify for the World Cup Final.
Manager Felix Coostatlwak was far from happy about the results. “This was a very crucial game and we absolutely blew everything, the game and our cool.” Certainly the next must win game against Stalag 5 will be much tougher without Steen and Antunez.

Goals
Calcete, KIN 21st
Canaanite, KIN 31st

Cards
Steen, MEL 21st
David, KIN 50th
Antunez, MEL 77th

Standings

Other Group 1 Results
Skipdonia 1 – Raptor Claw 0
Stalag 5 2 – Alpha Commune 0
Svecia 3 – Ravenspire 0
Tanah Burung 3 – BSE Free Bovines 1

Group 1
Pts W D L GF:GA GD
1. Tanah Burung 18 6 0 2 14: 4 10
2. Ravenspire 18 6 0 2 14: 7 7
3. Svecia 14 4 2 2 11: 3 8
4. Kingsford 14 4 2 2 8: 4 4
5. Stalag 5 14 4 2 2 10: 9 1
6. Melmond 10 3 1 4 5:12 -7
7. Skipdonia 9 3 0 5 4: 8 -4
8. BSE Free Bovines 6 1 3 4 6:11 -5
9. Raptor Claw 6 1 3 4 5:10 -5
10.Alpha Commune 3 0 3 5 2:11 -9

Melmond Team Stats
Goals: Critandi Unne (3), Chris Owen (1), Diallo Unne (1)
Cards: Cristina Antunez (2), Nina Steen (1), Jonsi Torrini (1)

Melmond National Team Schedule

@ Svecia L 4-0
v Skipdonia (Farmers Field, Melmond City) W 1-0
@ Tanah Burung L 2-0
v BSE Free Bovines (Lifedonations Stadium, Morales) W 1-0
@ Raptor Claw W 2-1
v Ravenspire (Microcosm Stadium, Aldi) L 2-0
@ Alpha Commune T 1-1
@ Kingsford L 2-0
v Stalag 5 (Walladome, Acosta)
v Svecia (Unne Sports Temple, Unne)
@ Skipdonia
v Tanah Burung (Xpress Counsel Field, Cali)
@ BSE Free Bovines
v Raptor Claw (Woocat Books Ballpark, O’Connor)
@ Ravenspire
v Alpha Commune (MPNK Stadium, Faasen)
v Kingsford (TBA)
@ Stalag 5

Next Game
vs. Stalag 5 (at Walladome, Acosta)

This is an absolute must win game. Nothing else can really be said about the utmost importance of winning this game. Of the teams ahead of Melmond in the standings, Stalag 5 is arguably the weakest. Stalag 5 has a reputation of having strong starts but slowly collapsing like a flan in the cupboard. Both teams have really different styles as Stalag 5 is filled with physical veterans and Melmond is mainly comprised of youngsters who play flowing football. With that being the fact as well as the fact that the next game will be played on the fast surface FieldTurf, Manager Felix Coostatlwak is going to adjust the starting lineup to be faster than average. However, the losses of expert dribbler Nina Steen and expert passer Cristina Antunez will be tough to overcome. Critandi Unne is probable as s/he will wear a mask to stabilize hir broken nose. Long ball specialist Kestrel Bluesummers and midfielder and Benjamin Leeb’s O’Connor Greens club teammate Rainy Zoulthane get their first starts.

GK- Cory Yankovic
D- Jonsi Torrini
D- Sergio Ortiz
D- Paul “Edgy” Shields
D- Kestrel Bluesummers
M- Martin Goodwin
M- Critandi Unne
M- Camui Arai
M- Rainy Zoulthane
F- Chris Owen
F- Benjamin Leeb

Walladome
Location: Acosta, Melmond
Seats: 75,000 (Domed)
Acosta is Melmond’s seventh largest city and possibly one of Melmond’s most majestic cities. Acosta’s crystal clear skies and its glacial and mountainous background makes it a tourist attraction for nature lovers. It’s very ironic that a place known for its outdoor surroundings and rather groovy people play in a megadome. As the Batter Up Baseball League came to Acosta, the mayor wanted an all-purpose stadium, so the massive Walladome was built. The Walladome is the home of the baseball team in Acosta, the Acosta Browns club football team, and many touring events such as concerts, conventions, and demolition derbies. Walla Pharmacies is going to give out a green kazoo to all fans that come to the match against Stalag 5. Let’s make Acosta the loudest and toughest place to play and annoy Stalag 5 to submission. Kazoo power! Tickets are still available at the Walladome box office as well as Monopoticket.

Compound interest

30-03-2004, 22:05

The Profit City Times

The Nationals couldn't capitalise their chances
The Nationals lost the match against Vilita by the small margin of one goal. The Nationals had a good start and won the first half 1-0. Unfortunately, they couldn't secure the lead until the and of the game and lost the second half by 0-2. For some strange reason, the Vilitians got the names of the Nationals wrong (perhaps they didn't even expect the Nationals to come), we don't know who this Cal Culaetor is who is said to have archieved the goal, our data says, it was archieved by #882123-E 'Samuel Moon'. The Compounded had many good chances in the first half, but could capitalise only one. Unfortunatly, the second half brought high losses, which ended in the loss of the game. The interestian forwards' play was priceless, the interestian defense merely worthless. we can be glad that the second half didn't bacame a much higher disgrace. Coach #135323-I 'John Marc' said he would try to 'make a higher percentage of the next matches like the first half and a lower like the last one.'

30-03-2004, 22:05

Marie Law (ML): I'm coming to you live from Aergia, where the Warriors continue to make history. For the first time the Warriors have earned points in 5 straight matches, posting a 3-0-2 record during that stretch. Without a doubt, the draw at Kaze Progressa has been the most important point earned during this stretch, as the rest of the teams that the Warriors have played have been less experienced teams. That will change in the next match however, as the Warriors play host to group leading Oglethorpia. A win in that match would certainly cement the Warriors place as one of the favorites to qualify. Even a draw would be impressive with how well Ogle has been playing. However, with how well the Warriors have been playing, anything is possible. All we know for sure is that it will be a great match. The final score today was 1-0 as Thomas Larson ended a scoring drought of almost three matches by scoring in the 77th minute. Joshua Harris posted his fifth shutout in eight matches. He joins us today to talk about the success that he and consequently the team have been having. Joshua, how does it feel having recorded clean sheets in over half of your matches so far?

Joshua Harris (JH): The fact that I've my numbers are like that is actually a better indication that we're playing good team defense than it is as to how I've been playing. After all, I haven't managed to hold a top tier team to any less (or more) than two goals so far in this Cup, so I have my work cut out for me yet.

ML: Still, many of your teammates have begun refering to you as one of the best goalies in the world.

JH: Have they? I wish they wouldn't do that. I haven't proven that I deserve that title yet by leading us to a victory over a top tier team. After all, we're 0-2-1 against the three teams believed to be among the most likely to qualify (those being Spaam, Runaway Moose, and Kaze Progressa-Ogle is in that group too, but we haven't played them yet).

ML: How important has it been to the team now that Kevin Anderson seems to have taken over the leadership of the defensemen?

JH: That was very important because it took some of the responsiblity that I was dealing with off of my shoulders and allowed me to focus on keeping the balls that manage to find their way through the defense out of the net.

ML: How important is the Ogle match going to be for your team's chances to qualify?

JH: It's not quite a must-win, but it will be a huge match. If we want to qualify, we're going to need to come out of that match with at least one point. If we're going to be amongst the best, we're going to have to play well against the best.

ML: How do you think your team will finish?

JH: (suddenly looking sick) Excuse me...I don't feel very well. (throws up as soon as he gets out of picture)

ML: Well, I hope that Joshua feels better in time for the Ogle match. In the meantime, we'll send it back to the studio.

Jennifer Johnson: I believe that all Warrior fans share your sentiments, Marie. Thank you for your excellent report. Just to recap for those of you just tuning in...The Warriors beat Aergia 1-0 in Aergia today on a goal by Thomas Larson. They now stand fifth in their qualifying group heading into a big match against Oglethorpia. Goalie Joshua Harris recorded his fifth clean sheet in eight matches, but then became sick while talking with our Marie Law after the match. His status for the Oglethorpia match is unknown. We'll keep you updated on that situation as it unfolds. Good night everybody.

PRAYING2GOD 1 -Larson (77th minute from Carter, 6th of Cup)
Aergia 0

Unofficial Standings:
Oglethorpia 6-1-1, +9, 19 pts
Spaam 5-1-2, +8, 17 pts
Alex The Tall 4-1-3, +6, 15 pts
Runaway Moose 5-3-0, +5, 15 pts
Praying2God 4-2-2, +6, 14 pts
Kaze Progressa 3-2-3, +5, 12 pts
Gaddland 3-4-1, -2, 10 pts
West Gaddland 1-6-1, -11, 4 pts
Pablitopia 1-6-1, -13, 4 pts
Aergia 0-6-2, -13, 2 pts

30-03-2004, 22:08

Please forgive (yet another) ridiculous double post. :oops:

Eauz

30-03-2004, 23:27

Figeu expected to return for MD17

Doctors have said that Figeu who suffered from a back injury, is expected to return for the 17th match of qualifying round. Figeu injured his back, while playing a match against Europa Brittania, slamming hard on his back. Doctors said it wasn’t a serious injury, but he needed to rest and heal himself. Even though Doctors said he will be back by the 17th match, they suggest that he sits out, or only plays a few minutes to make sure there is no problem.

Tonight, at 18:00, Les Bleus will be playing against East Spaam. East Spaam was expected to be battling for top spot in group 8, but has been a disappointment. Expect for a strong showing though for East Spaam tonight against Les Bleus. Though, having only given up 2 goals in 8 matches so far, don’t expect many goals for East Spaam. Currently, there are many seats available, meaning; the fans must not be interested in the opponent.

Other news, the administration of the national team has been suggesting the possibility of hosting with another country the World Cup 15. Bids will be placed in with more information.

Eauz

30-03-2004, 23:27

******* forum!

Eauz

30-03-2004, 23:28

bah... C'est pas VRAI!

Eauz

30-03-2004, 23:29

Nothing to SEE here!

Eauz

30-03-2004, 23:29

Righ... ?

Eauz

30-03-2004, 23:30

Les Bleus should get extra points for doing something special like that...

(btw... I'm sorry for the 8 post)

Eauz

30-03-2004, 23:31

Uh-huh I 8 posted!

Eauz

30-03-2004, 23:31

La Libre

Press Problems

La Libre had a some problems with their printers, and printed off extra copies of it's paper, flooding into other markets of the world. *Now everyone knows when Figeu will return. Currently, repair people are working on fixing the problem, and hope that this problem will not occur in the future. Subscribers though should not fear, for news will be published tomorrow, after the match against East Spaam.

*btw... there will be a test later on that

Eauz

30-03-2004, 23:33

Bedistan

30-03-2004, 23:53

The Bedistan Sports Digest

So We're Not Always Right
Lions still undefeated, but with as many draws as wins

MIDWAY -- NEWI Cefn Druids came to town today for a Group 10 qualifying match. Media sources in both Bedistan and NEWI predicted a relatively easy Lions victory, and for most of the match, it looked like that would happen. Karen Neighbors' simple 26th-minute goal basically set the tone for the whole match. However, the home team was definitely having some difficulties, feeling the absence of two usual starters. Neil Palin was, of course, taken out in the match against Resistencia, and he will not return for qualifying, though he is expected to be able to play again afterward. However, defender Clinton Saravia was also unable to play today due to an injury, and veteran substitute Kurt Brew played in his place. Palin and Saravia's absences led to a generally weak defense, with only Karina Kucharski doing a relatively good job. Still, they did hold the Druids off until the very end, when Amos Hinton finally sent in the equalizer on the stroke of full time.

Final score:
Bedistan 1 (Neighbors 26)
NEWI Cefn Druids 1 (Hinton 90)

The draw gives Bedistan a 4-4-0 record so far. But even though the Lions are one of only seven undefeated teams in qualifying, they actually fell two positions in the table as a result. Audioslavia's 2-0 win over Dennisov sends them back to the top, and even Avenging Altos have passed the Lions by virtue of their 6-0 slaughter of Fahigland, giving them a goal difference of +11 to Bedistan's +9 (both teams have 16 points).

Today's computer predictions still say the Lions will go all the way undefeated, but they no longer show Bedistan winning the group. The final predicted results now look like this:

[code:1:18b4963298] Pos Team P W D L F A GD Pts
1 Avenging Altos 18 12 4 2 34 12 22 40
2 Audioslavia 18 12 4 2 28 12 16 40
3 Bedistan 18 10 8 0 25 8 17 38
4 Dennisov 18 8 7 3 19 12 7 31
5 Iansisle 18 8 6 4 15 11 4 30
6 NEWI Cefn Druids 18 5 7 6 11 12 -1 22
7 Magnus Valerius 18 4 8 6 13 16 -3 20
8 Fahigland 18 4 3 11 11 30 -19 15
9 Free Radicals of Mu-Mu 18 1 3 14 7 26 -19 6
10 Resistencia 18 0 2 16 2 26 -24 2[/code:1:18b4963298]

Yes, that's Avenging Altos at the top, beating out the 'slaves on goal difference, with Bedistan two points behind. I suppose we will see...

The Eagles Nest

31-03-2004, 02:25

**Eauz Octuple Post!!!!! WOOO**

Two shadowy figures speak in a shadowed room.

1: 0-0?

2: Yep That Commece Heights player got bokced on his penalty late. We got lucky.

1: Commerce Heights is a good team. Yes we did.

2: The crowd was good.... fun environment.

1: Yes it was.

2: But we lost 1st place again to Gesamtkz..Gemasktra...GESY again.

1: Easy...the top three places all go through. 2nd is fine.

2: Oh yeah.

1: What of Horace?

2: Well, the contract is good in two days, unless we hear anything from BSE FA. But BSE Isle is eerily quiet these days.

1: yeah, those news reports about the cows walking the earth after being lead to slaughter....scary stuff.

2: Some type of virus?

1: Not sure...not sure if they are dead..or lving things either.

2: Well, at least we have Horace.

1: Um, isn't Horace in BSE right now?

2: ........yeah.

1: You fool! go get him now!

2: But I don't have his phone number...

1: I DON'T CARE. GET HIM!

2: *leaves*

1: Great we get him to play, and then this.

MatchDay 8 Recap

The highly anticipated match between Commerce Heights and the Eagle's Nest ended in a 0-0 tie...good defense by all. A low scoring day in the group with the exception of Anti-Nazis who tossed 3 on Vozy. After MD9, a special show on the halfway point of the group will be shown at 7 pm with the renowned soccer genious Sam Smith (of the can can fame)

Formula One Racing 1 Mordecei 0
Gesamtkuntswerk 1 Mattigool 0
Gleam Street 0 Fortuna Prospera 1
The Eagles Nest 0 Commerce Heights 0
Vozvyshennost 1 Anti-Nazis 3

[code:1:bfb8cf77a9]
Pos Team P W D L F A GD Pts PP
1 Gesamtkuntswerk 8 6 2 0 12 0 12 20 50
2 The Eagle's Nest 8 6 1 1 11 4 7 19 49
3 Anti-Nazis 8 5 1 2 13 6 7 16 46
4 Mattigool 8 5 0 3 12 6 6 15 45
5 Commerce Heights 8 4 2 2 9 5 4 14 44
6 Vozvyshennost 8 4 1 3 9 5 4 13 43
7 Formula One Racing 8 3 0 5 4 10 -6 9 39
8 Fortuna Prospera 8 2 0 6 3 12 -9 6 36
9 Mordecei 8 0 2 6 1 10 -9 2 32
10Gleam Street 8 0 1 7 2 18 -16 1 31
[/code:1:bfb8cf77a9]

The Eagle's Nest WCXIII Qualifying Campaign
Eagle's Nest @ Gleam Street Win 2-0
Eagle's Nest v. Mordecei Win 1-0
Eagle's Nest @ Gesamtkuntswerk Loss 0-3
Eagle's Nest v. Mattigool Win 2-1
Eagle's Nest @ Formula One Racing Win 2-0
Eagle's Nest v. Fortuna Prospera Win 3-0
Eagle's Nest @ Vozvyshennost Win 1-0
Eagle's Nest v. Commerce Heights Tie 0-0
Eagle's Nest @ Anti-Nazis
Eagle's Nest v. Gleam Street
Eagle's Nest @ Mordecei
Eagle's Nest V. Gesamtkuntswerk
Eagle's Nest @ Mattigool
Eagle's Nest v. Formula One Racing
Eagle's Nest @ Fortuna Prospera
Eagle's Nest v. Vozvyshennost
Eagle's Nest @ Commerce Heights
Eagle's Nest v. Anti-Nazis

Squornshelous

31-03-2004, 04:52

Squornshelous Overpowers New Team
Squornshelous recorded its fifth win of the tournement against New Cyprus today, rebounding from a 0-0 tie against Antaeus Rising. Lemmitania remains ahead by a 1 goal difference in goals for. Leaving Squornshelous in second place for the time being. However, the next matchday should se us firmly back on top, as we anticipate an easy win over unranked The Republic Army.

Final Score
Squornshelous 3-0 New Cyprus

Scoring Summary:
S: Rivera 16
S: Richards 42
S: Chavez 78

Squornshelous' Scorers:
Jackson: 7
Richards: 3
Rivera: 2
Brooks: 1
Chavez: 1

Group 7 Standings after Matchday 8
[code:1:94110def54]
Group 7
Pts W D L GF:GA GD
1. Lemmitania 18 5 3 0 15: 4 11
2. Squornshelous 18 5 3 0 14: 3 11
3. Antaeus Rising 17 5 2 1 11: 3 8
4. Jeruselem 16 5 1 2 15:12 3
5. Creedence Clearwater 14 4 2 2 13: 9 4
6. The Republican Army 12 4 0 4 8: 9 -1
7. Grand master Mark 7 2 1 5 7:11 -4
8. Jaegermeistria 5 1 2 5 4:10 -6
9. Haraki 5 1 2 5 3:13 -10
10.New Cyprus 0 0 0 8 2:18 -16
[/code:1:94110def54]

Svecia

31-03-2004, 05:08

VILÄMNA DAGENS NYHETER

RIOTING AVERTED IN VILÄMNA
3-0 thrashing of first place Ravenspire results in the voetbal crowd taking to the street
Dinsdag, 30 mars. 2004

VILÄMNA, Svecia - "Phew!" Just a quote from Svecian head coach Tim Sweers, but it could have come just as easily from the Ravenspire goalkeeper after the final whistle blew ending the 3-0 shutout performance in Vilämna under the watchfulness of 35.000 pairs of eyes.

Or it could have come from the head of police in Vilämna who had to cobble together a riot squad at the last second in order to disperse the celebrating crowds outside the Rijksstadion.

Unfortunately for Svecia, this win was just the 8th match they've played - meaning they have quite a few more to go before anyone can celebrate an accomplishment.

The win, however, did push Svecia much closer into the hunt for the top three spots. Ravenspire (18 points) still stands atop Group 1, but the win puts Svecia just four points behind.

A quite lopsided match, not helped by the fact that a Ravenspire player was sent off in the early part of the match for denying an obvious goal-scoring opportunity, should be a big boost for an erratic Svecian side.

Much of the match was spent by the Lighting in working the ball around the field looking for openings in the defense. And there were plenty.

Hanan Belagt found the opening strike off a perfectly placed Carati cross in the 14th minute. This was followed by an incredible display of footwork and the finish to go with it by the import, Carati, in the 27th minute. And to seal the match off, midfielder Mikael Solskjaer took a Belagt feed at the top of the area to volley home the insurance goal in the 55th minute.

Svecia will be looking forward to finishing its first round of qualifying and then traveling to Melmond for a rematch of its first qualifying game, which Svecia won 4-0 at home.

Melmond

31-03-2004, 05:18

Melmond Football Footnotes

Critandi Unne Able to Start vs. Stalag 5
Despite hir broken nose, Melmond superstar Critandi Unne will be able to start for the Fearless Farmers as they play a very crucial game against Stalag 5 at home. S/he will have to wear a mask which stabilizes hir nose.

A Look at BSE Free Bovines and Kingsford
Why should Melmondians care about this matchup? Well both teams have storylines that involve our Fearless Farmers. Lets first see what is going on with the home team BSE Free Bovines.

BSE Free Bovine Mascot Horace Stands Trial in Morales Tomorrow
Horace will not be able to support his Bovines in bovine tomorrow. He will be in front of a judge in a courtroom in Morales, Melmond. He will find out what punishment will be handed down to him. The Eagles Nest, who is rumoured to try to obtain Horace for their own team should be interested in the verdict.

Kingsford's Carl Shetfield On a High Note
After a brutal blow to the crotch from Melmond defender Nina Steen, Carl Shetfield recovered to the point where he can play in tomorrow's match at the Pasture in BSE Free Bovines. However, he has another problem, Foreign Accent Syndrome. Ever since the crotch kick, Shetfield has had an accent often heard in the country Avenging Altos. Some Kingsfordians who don't know anything about the football team now take him for a foreigner from that country. No word on how this can be cured or if it will ever be cured.

Spaam

31-03-2004, 09:41

United Spaam Sports Weekly

The Infamous Magazine Returns In Colour!

Spaamanians 100th Qualifying Game Ends In Emphatic Win

http://www.nationstates.net/images/flags/uploads/spaam.jpg VS http://www.nationstates.net/images/flags/uploads/runaway_moose.jpg

After a mildly disappointing home draw against Alex The Tall, their 50th qualifying home game, in which they gave away the win in the 89th
minute, the Spaamanians had a second straight home game, and intended on making the most of it. Unfortunately, they were facing up against the
incredibly powerful Runaway Moose side, whom amazingly they had never played before at World Cup level. On that note, Coach Sëhelin, was
intent on fielding a full strength team, but suprisingly left Meren Lûin out of the starting lineup. This controversial move, of omitting Spaam's best
player since Coach Sëhelin herself, led to some emotion from a few critics, especially those who have been calling for her resignation for many years.

The starting lineup consisted of Nala Eromleb, Eman Olisade, and Maddi Elrik in the front line, Elen Súrion, Tomas Rasa, and Luka Pantel in the
midfield, and Finrod Súrion, Mykel Zevlak, Orophin Sëhelin, and Gildor Arnatu in defense. Alátari Súrion as usual was goalkeeper, who had been
brilliant so far in the tournament, allowing only 4 goals from 7 games. She was initally in doubt for this game, along with the other Súrions, all
three having suffered from colds during the week, but they were all cleared in time for the match.

Runaway Moose had the upper hand for the first 20 minutes of the game, making sure that the Spaamanian defense had to work hard to prevent an
early goal. The home crowd was not happy when Finrod Súrion was subjected to a dangerous tackle, but the referee failed to act. Luckily he
was not hurt in the tackle, and continued to play. Runaway's pressure finally payed off in the 23rd minute, when one of their strikers managed
to clear Spaam's defense, in a show of poor marking, and then beat Alátari Súrion in a one on one. They almost added a second 2 minutes
later, when their main striker had a clear run to goal, but he missed the shot, which went sailing over goal.

Spaam struck back in the 37th minute, with Eman Olisade showing his talent using his left foot to fool the goalie and send them in the opposite
direction to the ball. The next 8 minutes then proceeded without any major goal chances, and Spaam went into the break tied at one goal
apiece with Runaway Moose. Coach Sëhelin failed to bring Meren Lûin on after the break, continuing to concentrate on defense. The plan of attack
seemed to work, with Spaam getting a little more possession than Runaway, and few chances were made by the visiting team. But a goal in
the 53rd minute to a Runaway midfielder sent Spaam behind again, 2 goals to 1 down with just over half an hour to go.

Spaam managed to hold Runaway Moose off for the next fifteen minutes, but it seemed as though the home team was facing another home loss.
However, in the 70th minute, Coach Sëhelin finally brough Lûin on, replacing Orophin Sëhelin, and the effect was almost instantaneous, with
the striker beating both the defense and the keeper to equalise the scores in the 72nd minute. Another 8 minutes went by before she scored again,
this time getting it in after a corner shot, and Spaam hit the lead for the first time in the match. The result was finally settled 5 minutes later,
when Lûin got her hattrick, the keeper not standing a chance against her right foot.

Spaam eventually came away winners, 4 goals to 2, vindicating Coach Sëhelin's tactics. She said after the match that Lûin was not feeling a
hundred percent before the game, and refused to risk both her and the teams chances. This match was Spaam's 100th qualifying match for the
World Cup, and the parties went on into the night after their fantastic win.

Spaam 4
(Olisade 37, Lûin 72, 80, 85)
Runaway Moose 2
(Britney Spears 37, Christina Aguilera 58 )

Aerigian Striker Revealed To Be Alan Belmore Reborn

In 8 qualifying matches, Aerigia (another Heartland nation) has failed to score a single goal. DNA tests performed by an independent body, and
confirmed by another have shown that their main striker is none other than Alan Belmore, who seems to have survived yet another death. This
thus explains their poor performance, as they are playing the most annoying football player in history, who is thus targeted and beat up by
every other player in the opposition team. Even the referees refuse to act, for fear of retribution.

In completely unrelated news, there are reports of hundreds of assassins, ninjas, and pirates, converging on Aerigia. More news as it comes.

Matchday Eight Review

In the other matches played, Praying2God had an away win against Aerigia, one goal to nil, keeping the 51st ranked team in the running for
qualification. Alex The Tall continued their good form and Gaddland's downward spiral, with an exciting 3 goals to 2 win, their striker kicking the
winning goal in the last 5 minutes of the game. Kaze Progressa did well to keep the home favoured Oglethorpia to a scoreless draw, and also kept
their qualification chances alive and well. Finally, West Gaddland came up with their first ever qualification win, and removed themselves from the
bottom of the table, one goal to nil winners against Pablitopia.

Oglethorpia continues to lead the group on 19 points, with Spaam second 2 points behind, in a situation very similar to their last World Cup
qualification tournament. Alex The Tall's win moved them up to equal third with Runaway Moose on 15 points, with Praying2God just one point
behind. Kaze Progressa is still on the running, but lagging behind in 6th on 12 points. Gaddlands woes continue, their third straight loss dropping
them to 7th position, and making qualification for them very unlikely. West Gaddland climbs to equal 8th with Pablitopia, but they are all but
eliminated, being 6 points behind 7th placed Gaddland, on 4 points. Finally, the other Heartland nation Aerigia has dropped to last place on 2 points.

[code:1:bca96da773]Group 9 P W D L F A GD Pts
Oglethorpia 8 6 1 1 11 2 +9 19
Spaam 8 5 2 1 14 6 +8 17
Alex The Tall 8 4 3 1 14 8 +6 15
Runaway Moose 8 5 0 3 15 10 +5 15
Praying2God 8 4 2 2 12 6 +6 14
Kaze Progressa 8 3 3 2 12 7 +5 12
Gaddland 8 3 1 4 8 10 -2 10
West Gaddland 8 1 1 6 3 14 -11 4
Pablitopia 8 1 1 6 4 17 -13 4
Aerigia 8 0 2 6 0 13 -13 2
[/code:1:bca96da773]

Matchday Nine Preview

http://www.nationstates.net/images/flags/zimbabwe--53.jpg VS http://www.nationstates.net/images/flags/uploads/spaam.jpg

Spaam fly to Pablitopia for their next match, which should hopefully be an easy win for the visiting side. Pablitopia are coming off a loss to former
last placed West Gaddland, and their RP machine seems to be completely missing, meaning that Spaam's meager machine should push them into a
winning position. Coach Sëhelin will just be hoping that this match doesn't end up like the one against Aerigia, as they need a win to consolidate their position in the top three.

STD Still Open For Request

Home______________ Away______________
http://drake.5p.org.uk/sveciah.jpg http://drake.5p.org.uk/sveciaa.jpg

STD (Spaamanian Transnational Designs) are still taking request for national team uniform designs. If you want an STD uniform, TG the editor of this magazine.

Spaam's Qualifying Run So Far

[code:1:bca96da773]W: Spaam 2 Kaze Progressa 1
W: Praying2God 1 Spaam 2
W: Spaam 1 Gaddland 0
D: Aerigia 0 Spaam 0
L: Spaam 0 Oglethorpia 1
W: West Gaddland 0 Spaam 4
D: Spaam 1 Alex The Tall 1
W: Spaam 4 Runaway Moose 2
[/code:1:bca96da773]

[code:1:bca96da773]No Name P G Avge
[2] Meren Lûin 8 8 1.00
[1] Nala Eromleb 5 3 0.60
[6] Eman Olisade 6 3 0.50
[/code:1:bca96da773]

[code:1:bca96da773]No Name P G Avge
[3] Alátari Súrion 8 6 0.75
[/code:1:bca96da773]

The Lowland Clans

31-03-2004, 09:59

ASNN - Manager Threatens to Resign
(Editorial)

You know what, I think Lord Mackintosh should resign, because it would wake his sloppy team up. After three losses in a row, the way this team has been disgusting. They should've beaten all the teams we play.

If I were as desparate as I should be, I suggest that we start offering sacrifice to the random number gods, ala Snub Nose 38. It seems to work for them, why not us?

(A)TLC Clanners vs. Vilita (W 4-0)
(H)TLC United vs. Dance 2 Revolution (L 0-1)
(A)TLC Clanners vs. Lovisa (W 1-0)
(H)TLC United vs. Compound Interest (W 3-0)
(H)TLC United vs. Aserjin (W 3-0)
(A)TLC United vs. The Belmore Family (L 0-2)
(H)TLC Clanners vs. Snub Nose 38 (L 1-2)
(A)TLC United vs. Warnocks Wizards (L 0-1)
(H)TLC Clanners vs. Lovebug
(H)TLC Clanners vs. Vilita
(A)TLC United vs. Dance 2 Revolution
(H)TLC Clanners vs. Lovisa
(A)TLC United vs. Compound Interest
(H)TLC Clanners vs. Aserjin
(H)TLC United vs. The Belmore Family
(A)TLC Clanners vs. Snub Nose 38
(H)TLC United vs. Warnocks Wizards
(A)TLC Clanners vs. Lovebug

Iansisle

31-03-2004, 10:12

...(and the only player anyone has ever heard of, get your roster up you lazyass :p)

(I know, I know ;). I've really been meaning to wind up my participation this year (every day I see new posts in this thread and feel guilty) but haven't really found time between other RPs, school, and work. If (and right now that's a pretty big if) I make the Cup, I promise I'll put up a roster and have something every match.)

"We beat someone called Mu-Mu."

"We're not on the farm, Frank," muttered Ted from where he was leaning against a lightpole. The match was almost a week old; Frank had found a stray copy of the proper Star-Tribune fluttering about a back alley.

"Puts us up on the Druids, doesn't it?" asked Jack, rubbing his hands together against the chill breeze.

"I'm so cold - I think I'll go home." Ted glanced about at the other two men, who were inexplicably braving the Ianapalis weather on a brisk, cloudy day.

“It does,” said Frank, “and Ted, it’s not going to be much warmer there.”

“At least I’ll have a blanket.”

“And you have an overcoat out here. Quit complaining.”

“When are they going to open the Striker’s Slate again?” asked Jack, blowing on his hands. “Remember that old stone fireplace?”

“Aye - how glorious that was!” Frank sighed wistfully.

“When ol’ Edgar gets back from his vacation,” replied Ted. “Look, Truman scored his second!”

“Where is he, anyhow?”

“The Bahamas.”

“Oh.” Frank seemed crestfallen.

31-03-2004, 13:45

HARRIS TO BE MATCH TIME DECISION

Warriors goalie Joshua Harris will be a match time decision for the Oglethorpia match announced the Warriors staff today. Harris came down with flu-like symptoms after the Aergia match and it is uncertain if the symptoms will have diminished enough for him to attempt to play. Mark Williams would start in net if Harris is unable to play. The Warriors faithful all wish Harris a speedy recovery.

Audioslavia

31-03-2004, 16:00

Audioslavia Roll Over Dennisov
Menaceovs beaten 2-0 at home

Audioslavia beat Dennisov last weekend with two goals from Mr. Jonny Willow, in his first international since his execution seven years ago.

The tall number 23 netted after half an hour after a mistake in the Dennisov defence let O`Malley through. O`Malley scuffed his shot, but the ball somehow fell to Willow to score.

Audioslavia put the game out of Dennisov's reach after half-time, as Croft crossed for Willow to smash in from the far post.

Final Score
Dennisov 0
Audioslavia 2 (Willow 34, 49)

[code:1:4ef3d44481]
Group 10: Avenging Altos 6 Fahigland 0
Group 10: Bedistan 1 NEWI Cefn Druids 1
Group 10: Dennisov 0 Audioslavia 2
Group 10: Iansisle 2 Free Radicals of Mu-Mu 0
Group 10: Resistencia 1 Magnus Valerius 1

Group 10
Pts W D L GF:GA GD
1. Audioslavia 18 6 0 2 14: 5 9
2. Avenging Altos 16 5 1 2 17: 6 11
3. Bedistan 16 4 4 0 12: 3 9
4. Dennisov 14 4 2 2 10: 7 3
5. Iansisle 12 3 3 2 9: 7 2
6. NEWI Cefn Druids 12 3 3 2 7: 6 1
7. Magnus Valerius 8 1 5 2 7: 8 -1
8. Fahigland 7 2 1 5 3:16 -13
9. Free Radicals of Mu-Mu 3 0 3 5 3:13 -10
10.Resistencia 2 0 2 6 1:12 -11
[/code:1:4ef3d44481]

Bedistan's failure to beat NEWI Cefn Druids at home drops them two behind Audioslavia and, surprisingly, Avenging Altos, who raced into second place after their emphatic 6-0 win over Fahigland. Dennisov stay on the top three's heels, whilst Iansisle and NEWI Cefn Druids are tied at fifth.

Six sides have a realistic chance of qualification, although the gap between first and sixth is now up to six points. Audioslavia could even stretch that lead tommorow against Resistencia.

G'nite bitches

Vilita

31-03-2004, 17:02

http://www.dirt-racing.com/3wide/sites/ao/vn.gif

Vilita (http://www.nationstates.net/cgi-bin/index.cgi/34936/page=display_nation/nation=vilita) wary of match postponement

Alliki-Corra, Vilita - The Vilita (http://www.nationstates.net/cgi-bin/index.cgi/34936/page=display_nation/nation=vilita)n national team today trained at their alternate training complex in Alliki-Corra, on the edges of the Tivali Jungle, following the last minute postponement of their WCQ Group 5 qualifying match against Aserjin. Coach Helmut Vilkaus was unperturbed by the postponement, stating his squad we're still confident they could defeat the weakening Aserjin side, and add to the 2 goals they scored in the last match against Compound Interest, which led to their first win of the competition.

http://www.dirt-racing.com/3wide/sites/ao/md9o1.gif

Vilkaus looks set to name an unchanged side from the one that gave the team it's first InterNationStatal victory, with Santo Kecker expected to shake off a slight knock to maintain the captain's armband. Kecker has been an ever-present for the side so far in the competition, along with Callum Banda, Enzo Ahat and goalkeeper Massimo Corsi. Team spirit remains high despite the postponement, and the current difficulty for proven players like Lorenzo Mumamba, Nigel Chapman and Jimmy Vella to maintain places in the starting lineup.

http://www.dirt-racing.com/3wide/sites/ao/md9o.gif

The Vilita (http://www.nationstates.net/cgi-bin/index.cgi/34936/page=display_nation/nation=vilita) squad are expected to fly out later tonight for the Aserjin match, and will be taking with them a late packing of support, influenced by the teams success against Compound Interest, and hoping the success can spill over into the next match.

-----------------

M09:
Vilita (http://www.nationstates.net/cgi-bin/index.cgi/34936/page=display_nation/nation=vilita) [] - [] Aserjin

-----------------

Group 5 Results from Matchday 8:
Group 5: Dance 2 Revolution 0 Lovisa 0
Group 5: Lovebug 1 Aserjin 1
Group 5: The Belmore Family 1 Snub Nose 38 1
Group 5: Vilita 2 Compound Interest 1
Group 5: Warnocks Wizards 1 The Lowland Clans 0
[code:1:8e3f575cef]
Group 5
Pts W D L GF:GA GD
1. Snub Nose 38 22 7 1 0 17: 3 14
2. Warnocks Wizards 15 4 3 1 6: 2 4
3. Dance 2 Revolution 13 3 4 1 6: 2 4
4. Lovisa 13 4 1 3 7: 8 -1
5. The Lowland Clans 12 4 0 4 12: 6 6
6. The Belmore Family 11 4 2 2 6: 5 1
7. Lovebug 11 3 2 3 9: 9 0
8. Vilita 4 1 1 6 2:10 -8
9. Compound Interest 4 1 1 6 5:16 -11
10.Aserjin 3 0 3 5 1:10 -9
The Belmore Family was deducted 3 points
[/code:1:8e3f575cef]
----------------

The Colony of Vilita (http://www.nationstates.net/cgi-bin/index.cgi/34936/page=display_nation/nation=vilita) Jungle Cats will be looking to qualify for the World Cup finals in their first attempt after only recently being recognized by the World Governing Body. The Jungle Cats are currently undefeated in the last 6 Atlantian Oceania (http://www.nationstates.net/cgi-bin/index.cgi/34936/page=display_region/region=atlantian_oceania) Regional championships, and look poised to add to that total in the upcoming Atlantian Oceania (http://www.nationstates.net/cgi-bin/index.cgi/34936/page=display_region/region=atlantian_oceania) Olympic games. Their squad will consist of mostly young stars from the National league, with a few experienced veterans, from the days before baseball was outlawed in the Nation, to guide them on their way to Glory.

Vilita

31-03-2004, 17:04

This is a misprinted copy of the Vilita National. It Does not exist :shock:

Runaway Moose

31-03-2004, 18:59

"Much to the shock of the nation, Alces Rex seems to be doing just as well without coaches."

This was the statement released by Runaway Moose's National Athletic Association yesterday on the return of the ENTIRE GOVERNMENT AND ALL GOVERNMENT AFFILIATED ORGANIZATIONS from Texas.
One might ask why a country would send every public official of any sort to Texas, and the only answer given was by Miss Snofia Flakmar, secretary to the head of the Radish Counters Union. "I'm told it was a fact-finding mission," says the young Miss Flakmar. "I think they found some facts, and that's when we came back."
Unfortunately, there were some problems facing the ENTIRE government on their return. Apparently, a large sector of Asteroid B612 is infected with a virus. Therefore, several government officials have been escorted to a non-viral library in order to issue press releases. Many find it odd that Miss Flakmar was in that group.
As to the team, many of the citizens of RM are surprised they even made it to the world cup. All public transportation was unavailable due to the temporary government relocation. Several members carpooled, but many wound up hitchhiking... surprisingly difficult to do when one lives in a nation on an asteroid.
However, one absence from the team has been any sort of coaching staff. The entire coaching staff retired or was released during the nation's sit-out period of world cup 12. There were no government officials to appoint a new coaching staff, and since the team hadn't been participating much internationally lately, they weren't currently on a gov't. payroll. Very oddly, they have been taking care of business on their own, and not doing too shabbily.
The team reached a concensus on a captain, Optimus... who comes from a soccer legacy.
The nation has asked that the government not hire a coaching staff for the duration of the cup to see how they fare. The government, being busy planning their next trip to Texas, and dealing with the virus, consented.
So it would seem that the team is flying free.

Snub Nose 38

31-03-2004, 19:49

This is a misprinted copy of the Vilita National. It Does not exist :shock:
ooc: he he he he he...reminds me of the motto of the ministry of super secret sleuthery -

ic: It didn't happen. It will never happen. It isn't happening now

Dance 2 Revolution

31-03-2004, 20:30

D2R Sports

Jeff: Welcome to a special 3 match World Cup 13 Special
Matt: The reason we have 3 matches for you today is that there were a few technical problems in D2R, limiting many of the D2R channels and the 2 dancer’s Television selection
Jeff: The matches offered in this special edition of D2Rian Football Coverage are of D2R playing against some of the best in the Group. The first match shows Dance 2 Revolution travel to The Lowland Clans with an away reputation to hold dear. Then Dance 2 Revolution hold hosts to top of group Snub Nose 38, not a match considered well for the Revolutionaries to save a crumbling home record. For the third and final match we will show if the 2 dancers had a magic performance against Warnock Wizards
Matt: Commentary from Trevor King

*The Lowland Clans vs. Dance 2 Revolution*

<4’>Trevor: The clan’s attack is running circles around the defense here, picking away at faults. A nice cross in… diving header hits the post! … And it’s put over…
<23’>T: Maeda takes the ball over the half-way line…he lobs it up…it’s a chase for the ball between Vivid and the Clan Goalkeeper… Vivid beats him with a little touch, which directs the ball over the keeper…goal!!!! Nice one touch play by Vivid to place it above the keeper…1-0
<34’>T: Lowland Clans are not showing the form that is known they can play with, but do have the ball…attempting to take it down the left wing…beats Dark…the cross comes in…Punched out by Handplant…knocked back…chested…OVERHEAD KICK by the Clan Central Midfielder hits the over side of the bar and bounces out…nice attacking play by Lowland Clans
<45’>T: The lob is too far for the Lowland Clan attacker…but he runs for it…Handplant 2waits to collect the ball…but the attacker is gaining on the ball…Handplant collects it…the pace of the attacker is too much to halt…he collides with Handplant…the half time whistle has gone…lets hope this collision is not too bad for Handplant
<SH>T: Handplant has been subbed off for Jump because of a rib injury
<81’>T: Lowland Clan’s attack now going forward…through pass to the attacker…slides it under Jump and it’s in!…but it has been ruled offside. Frustration for the Lowland Clans
<FT>T: And that’s the final whistle! Dance 2 Revolution leave here with an impressive win over The Lowland Clans. Dance 2 Revolution leave The Lowland Clans with all 3 points today

Matt: Lowland Clans we’re unlucky not to leave with at least a draw there
Jeff: Indeed, Matt. Now we see Dance 2 Revolution play hosts for group leaders Snub Nose 38. A big test for D2R
Matt: Commentary from Peter Eye

*Dance 2 Revolution vs. Snub Nose 38*

<3’>Peter: Direct free kick for Snub Nose, from about 30 yards. Snub Nose does have the potential to hit them from here…Over the wall…Beautiful Strike! And that’s 1-0. Jump had no chance in getting that. A typically fast paced start by Snub Nose…
<42’>P: The Nosers take it over the half-way line. A through ball through the middle of the defense reaches the attacker…he’s pulled back! And the referee has given a penalty!… and he’s calling Stomp over too…He is off!
<43’>P: The attacker prepares to take the penalty…Jump jumps the right way but it is too low for him to reach and slips under him…2-0 Snub Nose

Matt: We would have the other half of the match
Jeff: But the film is damaged, and we can not show it. It is not in a condition for repair either.
Matt: But we can tell you that no more goals were scored. So the final score was Dance 2 Revolution 0 – 2 Snub Nose 38
Jeff: Now we see Dance 2 Revolution travel to Warnock Wizards. But could the Dancers outplay the Magicians? Commentary from Ian Syle

*The Lowland Clans vs. Dance 2 Revolution*

<KO>Ian: It’s nice to see Handplant back from his rib injury he sustained against The Lowland Clans. Coin-Toss goes D2R’s way. D2R to Kick Off…
<19’>I: Maeda running down the right wing… takes on the defender… flicks it back…thumped by Gambol!…Off the bar, hits the line and bounces into the roof of the net! What a goal! The Wizards goalkeeper had no chance. 1-0 D2R
<36’>I: Maeda flies down the left wing…cross from Maeda into the middle…reaches the head of Vivid! Its over the line…but the flag was up…Vivid was offside!
<45’>I: 3 minutes of injury time signaled by the 4th official…The Wizards going on the attack now…a pop shot from 40 yards…nice save by Handplant! Pushed it over the bar…there was power behind the shot and it needed the save. Really the first time Handplant needed to make the save
<57’>I: Maeda running at the defense now…he takes them on…The keeper has come out, and what a lob…perfectly executed move and that’s 2-0 D2R
<76’>I: Vivid taking on the defender…crunching tackle, it’s a free kick…not good news for D2R, Vivid is injured…it looks like a calf injury
<78’>I: Maeda strikes the freekick against the wall…he strikes it again…hit the post…Third time lucky?…Nice save!
<91’>I: The Wizards pushing forward now…that through ball has beaten the defense…the connection made by the striker…Nice Save by Handplant

Matt: That was D2R with a nice display against The Wizards
Jeff: Now we have almost ran out of time…we will show a short summary of Dance 2 Revolution hosting to Lovebug…

Matt: It didn’t take long for D2R to give a warning…Maeda struck the post in the 3rd minute.
*clip of Maeda hitting post from outside the box*
Jeff: And with D2Rs new attacking style, which included Yozora upfront and Jay-Jay Step left on the bench, it didn’t take long till they cracked through the fragile defense. Maeda set up Vivid in the 24th minute for an amazingly executed overhead kick
*Clip of Vivid overhead kick*
Matt: Yozora did not need any encouragement to take the opportunity to show off when he was back on the big stage. He rounded the whole defense before slotting it in the bottom corner for 2-0.
*Clip showing Yozora footwork and slotted goal in 61st minute*
Jeff: D2R were determined to make a big goal difference before their trademark slump in form at the end. In a last minute surge forward for a corner. Handplant of all people managed to capitalize on a defense scramble and thump it in for 3-0 at the death of the game
*Clip showing Handplant scoring and the defense not clearing the goal properly*

Matt: That’s all we’ve got time for
Jeff: D2R Footballing update will be back when D2R play against Compound Interest
Matt: The reason we don’t have the big games against Vilita, Lovisa and The Belmore Family is we sold them to other companies to broadcast. The will be shown on Regional Footballing Channel(Channel 513 for Sattelite and Wireless Video Viewers)
Jeff: M + J out!

Snub Nose 38

31-03-2004, 22:41

*****ASPN SPECIAL REPORT*****

Some sort of computer virus seems to be sweeping it's way through the entirity of Asteroid B612, leaving a complete void where electronic communications should be. We are unsure of the exact cause. A team of experts have been called in to solve the problem. Meanwhile, communications blackouts are occuring all over the asteroid. We expect they will last anywhere from...

*static. nothing but static*

Oglethorpia

01-04-2004, 02:03

The Bureaucratic Tribune
The Bureaucratic States' most readily available publication.

Mike White returns?
Mike White to make second attempt at a broadcasting career with BBN

By Bill Christmas

OGLETHORPIA (BT) -- Mike White was the Al Michaels of Oglethorpia -- a well loved broadcast personality by all the country. However, the saying that 'all good things must come to an end' proved truer than ever in Mike White's short broadcasting tenure at the BBN. Two unsuccessful lawsuits later, the commentator of World Cup 4 thru World Cup 8 found his broadcasting career in shambles -- his reputation destroyed, misfortune of the highest sort. Deciding to go on a soul search and take a well deserved break, White literally disappeared from his Sheffingham home to seek refuse in the Bureaucratic States' Central Mountain Range -- studying in a monestery of the Church of Bureaucracy for twenty-four years. A mid-life crisis, to be sure.

Now a Reverend of Oglethorpia's 2nd most popular church,* White is ready to pick up where he left off twenty-four years ago -- ready to start a new broadcasting career with the Bureaucratic Broadcasting Network with old pal Ray McHale, both twenty-four years the wiser.

Note*: While not even half the devoutness of Tanah Burung, the Church of Bureaucracy and the Catholic Church duke it out for the right to claim to be the largest church in the Bureaucratic States.

Reverend Mike White was 49 when the "White-Black/Mike-Mike" lawsuit first broke out -- a "near"-identity theft lawsuit between Ravenspiran commentator Michael Black and Oglethorpia's own Mike White. The lawsuit was thrown out, and White rebounded -- for a time. Then all number of imitators came out of the woodwork -- Mike Yellow from Commerce Heights, Mike Green from Bedistan and Mike Orange from Liverpool England. And while White was the most high profile of all of them, a second failed lawsuit against Mike Green sent White's career down the toilet. A final media circus was the coup de grace that sealed the fate of White's broadcasting career, and sent him to a turning point in his life. Questioning his morality and faith, White would find the answers he needed to make his comeback in the Church of Bureaucracy -- to which he devoted himself completely.

From this point on, he would spend twenty-four years reinventing himself -- and White's full adoption of the church's ways earned him the position of Reverend of his local church in Sheffingham.

73 years old now, wiser now from the teachings of the Church of Bureaucracy, the Reverend Mike White has expressed strong feelings that he's ready to move on, and that the rest of the media community should be ready to move on as well.

"Man," White said, sighing. "That was twenty-four years ago. And now, with the LORD within me! Aaammmeeennn, ladies and gentlemen! I'm a new man -- those were some major mistakes I made, suing those people for having similar names to me. But as the Reverend Jimmy John Joe Scott-Ray once said, 'we're all brothers trapped in red tape.' And we are all brothers trapped in red tape! We gotta live together like brothers, and part of that is me bein' allowed to go about my ways as tryin' to get back into the broadcasting biz. We're brothers -- that means you can't give me any lip about happened with Mike Black. And plus, it's bad karma. PRAISE THE LORD!"

A newly-religious and pointed Reverend Mike White poses to be a potent broadcasting force. While the old Mike White could belt out play-by-play like no other, Reverend Mike White's newfound faith gives him more energy than at any time in his life (astonishing for the 73-year old) and his newly aquired oration skills make the man more captivating than ever.

"Reverend White can live and let live if we don't see any more identity theft lawsuits anytime soon," said one of White's former critics. "If he can get past it, we will, and see if this man really can resurrect his broadcasting career."

"I've resurrected stuff longer dead than my old broadcasting career with Junior Garcia," said Reverend Mike White. "I'm sure this'll be peanuts -- i'm ready to do it, with the power of righteousness by my side."

Total n Utter Insanity

01-04-2004, 04:33

*We open in a brightly lit hospital; in the Insanician Intensive Stupidity Ward*

What? Where am I?

Nurse: Its okay, you’re in the Intensive Stupidity Ward at Insanician General Hospital. I’ll just go get the doctor.

Doctor Nick: Hi everybody!

Everybody: Hi Doctor Nick!

Doctor Nick: Let’s see here, what’s the last thing you remember?

I was lifting a trophy...but that can’t be, I play for TnUI...

Doctor Nick: Yes you were lifting a trophy, and then you got shot and brought here.

Who? What? Why?

Doctor Nick: Some crazy AShole with a rifle.

What happened to him?

Doctor Nick: He was sent to TnUJ, but that was 18 years ago and we haven’t heard anything since.

18 years?!?!?

Doctor Nick: Didn’t a mention you’ve been in a coma for 18 years Mr Hill.

Benny Hill: But...but...all my friends and family...they...they...they’ll be old!

*dramatic music*

To be continued...

OOC: *copyright TnUI

Melmond

01-04-2004, 04:47

BSE Free Bovines Mascot Horace Sentenced to 3 Months Groundskeeping
By Gakk LaBouche of the Morales Inquirer

MORALES, MELMOND-- Most of the NationStates football world may have been off today. However, that does not go for the Melmond judicial system as BSE Free Bovines mascot Horace has his day in court today.
Horace pleaded guilty on a charge of violating methane ordinances. However this is a relatively a minor sentence and since Horace is such a great guy he only got off with the sentence of 3 months unpaid groundskeeping at Lifedonations Stadium. There he will learn the importance of the proper upkeep of the environment and have all the grass he can eat. Also Horace is forced to see a patronizing seminar about methane control and how to use his bodily functions for benevolent means.
This sentence will delay Horace's decision of where he wants to continue his career: mascoting for his native BSE Free Bovines, or playing for the Eagles Nest, where one of his grandfathers was born. In the three months in Morales, the Eagles Nest has put up the money to set Horace up for a nice hotel room in the macabre district of Morales. Possibly that may be a perk for Horace to head to the Nest. However, he won't be able to join the team until the Eagles Nest visits Mattigool. The BSE Free Bovines won't be able to have Horace until ironically the Fearless Farmers of Melmond head to the Pasture.

Tanah Burung

01-04-2004, 07:25

(sorry no posting for so long)

Music, studio lights, all the bells and whistles.....

http://www.buc-ees.com/buceesforkids/imagesbk/crocodile.gif

Welcome to the Crocodile Report! I'm your host, Tarde Bere.

Well, it's been a great season for the new-look Crocs! There were some doubts that the team could bounce back after the Dessicated Clone fiasco of four years ago and the retirement of Bi Kikere, a fixture with the Crocs since she debuted in goal waay back in World Cup 2. We reached her in her office.

(cut to Bi Kikere, now aged 70, who sits immersed in a large bubble bath)

Bi Kikere: It was time to hand over to someone else. After playing goal, winning a beauty contest, migrating to Brazillico, being cursed in Lemmitania, getting sacked as Tanah Burung coach, ordering the creation of Evisceratomatoes, coaching the Gilmeecia Kickfooters, surviving an assassination attempt, being vindicated and returning to lead the Crocs back to respectability, being elected as co-president of the country, invading Gilmeecia, eating a peach, defeating the Lemming Curse once and for all, and laughing uproariously to see Snub Nose Zero miss the Cup, it was time for a new hand on the tiller. But i can still sack him, if he doesn't live up to his promise.

Tarde Bere: Indeed, Bi Kikere seems to have a clause in her contract that gives her a lifetime veto over the national team coach. On the hot seat is young Jose Ruak, who coaches Black-and-Red Army in the Emerald Heights elite league. If Ruak’s name sounds familiar, it’s because he is the third generation of his family to coach Tanah Burung. His grandfather Matan Ruak spearheaded the Crocodiles’ entry into international play and led the team to a second-place finish in World Cup 2. His father Guntur Ruak coached Tanah Burung twice and also had stints coaching Tanah Tarantula, Evisceratomatoes, and Shelob’s Obsession, the Warnocks Wizards entry in the Giant Evil Spider Football League.

(cut to the sidelines at Findabaya Stadium on a humid jungle day)

Jose Ruak: My father always said that there was nothing finer than a scoreless draw. His devotion to defence was famous from our house to that shack down the road. I am choosing my own path, and starting today the Crocodiles will be playing a 4-3-3 formation. I call it the Wonder-formation. After all, we need to learn from the successes of our neighbours.

Tarde Bere: Ruak spoke to us during the Crocs’ home opener against Ravenspire, a hard-fought match between two sides that now share the Group 1 lead with 18 points each. That match was called a vindication for the new approach, as the Crocs won 2-1 on goals by Maria Miskita and Anderson Mutang, who has emerged as the team’s tower of strength in the midfield.

(shots of the two goals against the Ravens, followed by four more goals scored by pair of big men with deceptive speed and a voice-over)

The real story on attack, though, came in game two, as Loro Sae strikers Eluay and Beanal united for a pair of goals away at Alpha Commune. In game three, it was Eluay who grabbed both markers against Melmond, a team that is emerging as a force to be reckoned with, even in this very competitive group. And Beanal was on the scoreboard again as the Crocs vanquished Stalag 5 by a 3-0 score.

(cue an especially sombre funeral dirge)

And then came Svecia.

(cut to rapid-motion footage of World Cup 12 qualifying, showing all five Svecia goals against the Croc Clones in quick succession.)

We don’t know what it is, but Tanah Burung does not seem to be able to muster a decent showing against the Lightning. At home, coasting on a four-game win streak, the Crocs still c ame up short here.

(cut to Bi Kikere in the bath)

Bi Kikere: What’cha gonna do? I count a 1-0 loss to Svecia as a win, anyway.

(cut to a mass recital of the rosary in the Cathedral of BYMD City, where Ave Maria alternates with Go Crocs among the worshippers)

Tarde Bere: The Crocs also fell at home to neighbours Kingsford, whose fans seemed to be praying even harder. But it was back to business against BSE Free Bovines, as Miskita led the Crocs to a 3-1 win.

(cut to Matebian Stadium, festoooned for no good reason with dead lemmings)

Maria Miskita: I’m just happy to be a part of this team, I just want to give it 110 per cent, and the Good Lord willing, at the end of the day, we will come out on top.

(static. A man with wire-rim spectacles appears suddenly on the screen)

interrupting man: I am ending this broadcast for using more than the permissible number of cliches.

Tanah Burung goal count:
Maria Miskita 5
Theys Eluay 4
Tom Beanal 3
Anderson Mutang 1
Jose Maubere 1

Tanah Burung

01-04-2004, 07:25

ok, so far tonight i've been "lookit me," "3v1l 733t," and now "the postinator." Someone is having far too much fun playing with board settings.

Tadjikistan

01-04-2004, 07:47

Crazy 5-5 draw ends first half of qualifications

Coach Isserson must have gone crazy last night, when watching the match. No less then 10 goals were scored. Already in the 3rd minute Zhukov opened the score from a corner, Gormith then brought the score back to 1-1 in the 18th minute and 1-2 in the 20th minute. The coach yelled at the players that they had to attack more and make better combinations. And they did, in the 30th inute Lyudnikov gave an assist on the left flank to Cherniakhovskij who scored his 5th, it was 2-2. Gormith then set up some nice counterattacks and made another goal in the 41th minute.

Isserson probably talked to his players during te pause because after the pause they tried to get even again, Gormith however scored the 2-4 in the 51th minute. It would have been a massacre until Zhukov put the team back on track, he sent everyone in the attack and through a nice combination Cherniakhovskij was given the chance to score, 3-4 in the 62th minute. Gormith scored another goal in the 68th minute getting them a 3-5 advantage. Everyone thought Tadjikistan was going to lose this one, but they returned again, Zhukov stole the ball from a Gormith defender and outmanuevred another, the Gormith GK chose the wrong corner of the goal and 4-5 appeared on the scoreboard.
Tadjikistan set up one last attack in the 88th minute and really put everything on the offensive, Luchinsky found an opening to the right and scored the last goal of the match, an at least honourable 5-5 draw. This match showed that both teams have to works on the defenses if they want to do better, it will be necessary if they want to survive the next round of qualificationmatches. Its especially true for Tadjikistan who play their next match against Eauz, the team form whom they lost the first match with 4-0. Could we hope for a draw? Or is that expextation to high?

Liverpool England

01-04-2004, 08:23

The World Cup Update Group 8 - APRIL FOOLS DAY!
Score between Liverpool England and The Redavic Union mysteriously reported as 9-9, final score 3-1

--NO EDITION COS THE EDITORS WERE OUT DRUNK PLAYING PRANKS--

Tadjikistan

01-04-2004, 08:30

I wrote about a 5-5 draw, it might have been a joke but atleast it was better than an empty 0-0 draw. What the f*** is there to write about 0-0?

Giant Zucchini

01-04-2004, 10:08

I wrote about a 5-5 draw, it might have been a joke but atleast it was better than an empty 0-0 draw. What the f*** is there to write about 0-0?

OOC: "No goals were scored..."

IC:

NEWSFLASH:

Giant Zucchini continued about its qualification business with a 3-0 win over The Alan Belmore Army. Phoot, once again, desperate to regain a first team place, worked his socks off and produced a brilliant display, scoring a hat-trick. This win keeps the Zucchinis on top of qualifying with a 4 point gap between them and 2nd placed The Weegies.

Eauz

01-04-2004, 12:36

Le LIBRE

Long Crazy match results in a Win

In what seemed like that longest match Les Bleus have ever played, resulted in a very simple ending. The match started off with strong attacks at the 6th, 10th, 15th and 24th minutes of the first half, putting up a strong 4 – 0 win. East Spaam though, came back posting 3 goals at the 28th, 30th and 40th minutes, making the score 4 – 3 before going to half time. The second half brought even crazier looking scores, as Les Bleus scored 5 more and East Spaam scored 6 more. Suddenly, as the score was 9 – 9, the power went out. A voice of the stadium came on, and said……….

APRIL FOOLS!

The Fans were not happy with what had happened, and many mobbed down to the field, and took it over. People were arrested, and taken away, but when things settled down, Les Bleus and East Spaam started taking the match serious. A 20 minute match was played in place of the 90 minutes which they had already played. During the 15th minute, Les Bleus scored off a free kick, putting them up 1 – 0 against East Spaam, which would end up as the final score.

After the match, the coach commented on everything. “Wow, this was one crazy match. I found it odd that people were not catching on by the fact that it was April fools, and that there were scores like 8-6 and such. Oh well, that was pretty cool though. I’m glad though, that we didn’t play like that, because giving up 9 goals is not something that interests me, especially if it is going to result in a tie. Hahahahaha!”

Les Bleus have finished the first half of the qualifying round for World Cup 13 finishing with a record of 8 wins, 0 ties and 1 loss giving them 24 points tied with Europa Brittania. Les Bleus now have the challenge to finish off the second half just as strong to keep afloat in group 8. Otherwise, this great start will result in nothing. The next match is up against Tadjikistan, which Les Bleus posted a 4 – 0 win. Currently, Tadjikistan is not in great standings, but have been starting to play better. The match will switch home sides, so Les Bleus will be travelling to Tadjikistan to play their match. Les Bleus will travel there, and take the breaking period to rest in Tadjikistan. Look for Les Bleus to bring home a win.

Round 1: Tadjikistan @ Eauz W 0 - 4
Round 2: Eauz @ Intelligent Madness W 4 - 0
Round 3: Liverpool England @ Eauz W 1 - 2
Round 4: Eauz @ Zephyrs W 2 - 0
Round 5: Europa Brittania @ Eauz L 1 - 0
Round 6: Eauz @ The Redavic Union W 2 - 0
Round 7: Just an egg @ Eauz W 0 - 1
Round 8: Eauz @ Gormith W 4 - 0
Round 9: East Spaam @ Eauz W 0 - 1
Round 10: Eauz @ Tadjikistan
Round 11: Intelligent Madness @ Eauz
Round 12: Eauz @ Liverpool England
Round 13: Zephyrs @ Eauz
Round 14: Eauz @ Europa Brittania
Round 15: The Redavic Union @ Eauz
Round 16: Eauz @ Just an Egg
Round 17: Gormith @ Eauz
Round 18: East Spaam @ Eauz

[code:1:dc791364a1]
Group 8
Pts W D L GF:GA GD
1. Eauz 24 8 0 1 20: 2 18
2. Europa Brittania 24 8 0 1 17: 2 15
3. Liverpool England 21 7 0 2 21: 7 14
4. East Spaam 16 5 1 3 15: 8 7
5. The Redavic Union 13 4 1 4 10:13 -3
6. Gormith 9 2 3 4 7:12 -5
7. Intelligent Madness 7 1 4 4 5:17 -12
8. Tadjikistan 6 1 3 5 6:17 -11
9. Just an egg 3 0 3 6 3:13 -10
10.Zephyrs 3 0 3 6 4:17 -13
[/code:1:dc791364a1]

Halfassedstates

01-04-2004, 12:46

Sowhatsville News

Single goal enough to keep Hurricanes on track.

As the qualification round reached the half-way point yesterday, Halfassed found themselves in second place in group 2. With the big five teams in the group dissappearing in a pack, it was vital that the Hurricanes defeated the Indigo Islands to keep in the hunt.

That was exactly what they managed to do, with Captain for the day Julie Ducks continuing her amazing goal scoring run stabbing home the winner after a Perfect corner had resulted in a goalmouth scramble.

That was not the main story of the Hurricanes visit however, as Sherwood, Soap, Riddle and reserve striker Marks all had to be flown home early after complaining of severe headaches and neusea. It was not beleived to be a serious problem, with the team doctor suggesting it was simply that everything they could see was Indigo. It is a strange place, and I suppose it could be diagnosed as something similar to snowblindness that mountaineers can get. They will just need to get away from the problem and rest up for a few weeks.

Depending on the recovery rate of the players, this could cause Jarvis Smith a few problems for the next match against Aquilla. With only two of the strikers in the squad available, Smith was forced to change to a 4-4-2 formation for the match yesterday, and may well have to do the same against Aquilla.

When asked about the next match, Smith said,
"It's a vital match for us. All of the matches against the other four top seeds will be important now, as they will most likely be the games that decide who will make it into the finals. It is obviously disappointing to have lost the guys for the last game, but ideally I would like a couple of them, if not all, back for the Aquilla match. The 4-3-3 is a more attacking line-up and had been paying dividends for us, but if we need to play 4-4-2 and grind out the win, then at least the team proved to-day they can do that!"

So with all to play for, expect some fireworks in the second half of the campaign!

Jeruselem

01-04-2004, 13:01

Jeruselem Government News

Group 7 still a tightrope

After 9 rounds in Group 7, 4 points seperate the top 5. Lemmitania's win leapfrogged Squornshelous on goal difference with Jeruselem holding up Antaeus Rising's ambitions with Creedence Clearwater moving back into 4th taking advantage of Jeruselem's draw.

It was honours even as Jeruselem drew with early leader Antaeus Rising 1-1 where defenses ruled against circumspect attacks. Antaeus Rising scores early in the 2nd half after a "boring" 1st half with little highlights. <Player X> headed home under Jeruselem keeper Abdul to put AR ahead in the 60th minute, but Becks equalised with a deflected free kick in the 76th to save the Crusaders another loss.

Rabbi Goldstein spoke to press "Our attacking options have been reduced with Kewell out, but this was hard defensive game. Both teams are good enough to make next round, it's so close still."

At the end of the game, some clown in the scoreboard area posted the final scores as 13-13 before officials corrected the obvious April Fools prank later.

Group 7: Grand master Mark 1 New Cyprus 0
Group 7: Haraki 0 Creedence Clearwater 4
Group 7: Jeruselem 1 Antaeus Rising 1
Group 7: Lemmitania 3 Jaegermeistria 0
Group 7: Squornshelous 2 The Republican Army 0

[code:1:26531c32d5]
Group 7
Pts W D L GF:GA GD
1. Lemmitania 21 6 3 0 18: 4 14
2. Squornshelous 21 6 3 0 16: 3 13
3. Antaeus Rising 18 5 3 1 12: 4 8
4. Creedence Clearwater 17 5 2 2 17: 9 8
5. Jeruselem 17 5 2 2 16:13 3
6. The Republican Army 12 4 0 5 8:11 -3
7. Grand master Mark 10 3 1 5 8:11 -3
8. Jaegermeistria 5 1 2 6 4:13 -9
9. Haraki 5 1 2 6 3:17 -14
10.New Cyprus 0 0 0 9 2:19 -17

[/code:1:26531c32d5]

Vilita

01-04-2004, 13:20

http://www.dirt-racing.com/3wide/sites/ao/vn1.gif

Reality TV today is anything but
by: Emarikus Juilauni

In the past few years, reality programming on television has climbed to a new level of popularity among viewers. In fact, more shows now than ever can be fit into the genre that is reality television. Although the original shows were witty, adventurous and unarguably intriguing, recent spin-offs have begun to push the limit that the public can take. Show themes are becoming more absurd, with all the contestants specifically groomed to attach to each sector of the viewing audience. The exponentially increasing number of reality T.V. shows hurts not only the shows that get discontinued to make room, but also has a profoundly negative affect on those that view them.

Reality T.V. shows are becoming a nuisance for everyone affected by their presence. The audience gets encaptured by set up stories on a far away island and can think of nothing but putting themselves in that same situation. In TV’s “Survivor,” A select group of contestants picked from video tape entries and live casting calls would be sent to a remote place in the wilderness far away with no interaction with the outside world. In other words, If you lived in one of the major regions of the country, appealed to a certain social clique and either meshed or clashed distinctly with another member of the cast, you could then be selected to join a film crew of over 100 in a secure and patrolled strip of land to film a soap opera with little closing and games twice a day. Other popular shows followed a similar casting pattern, such as MTV’s “The Real World,” which was anything but real. A handful of carefully selected young adults would be housed together under living conditions resembling those out of the latest edition of “Seventeen” magazine. Then you would have shows like Average Joe. The re-modeling of the dating game became popular again in the early 21st century. Things work out fine until the cast of “average” contestants is expanded halfway through the show to include one, not-so-average player. For each of these shows, there are 10 more like them, and countless others in the works. There is definitely something that has to be done to limit the amount of reality TV shows on the air.

The best way to limit reality TV would be to send all reality shows to the moon. The moon would be the perfect place for a single, mass conglomerate reality TV show. Although I don’t possess the ingenuity to think of a witty title for this new show, it would be quite plausible to combine The Real World, Average Joe and Fear Factor into the ultimate version of Survivor. Since space flight is still a limited commodity in our society, the number of shows would be strictly limited to just one. There would only be enough room in the space shuttle to hold enough cast and crew for one televised show. New shows would be uneconomical, as the cost of sending more than one crew to the moon would far outweigh the benefits to filming a second show. Similarly, there would be no interest in casting tryouts from the public, as they too would be unable to make it to the moon in any sort of efficient manner. However, there is still hope for the reality TV show fan.

The ultimate reality TV show, on the moon, could be one of the longest running shows on TV. Since the moon is currently uninhabited, showing no hints of life or resources, the contestants of this show would be up against similar conditions to those on earth a few billion years ago when the first bacteria began to evolve. Back then, organisms were forced not only to evolve to their surroundings, but also to make their surroundings evolve around them. A similar mixed effort might be used by contestants to best take to their new habitat, although it could lead to conflict within the group on how to best distribute these qualities. Once they do sort this out, there are many other things present to keep them occupied in their lunar orbit.

The moon’s rocky and inconsistent terrain could prove a prime source for quality entertainment throughout the series. While the weakened affect of gravity on the contestants would make mountain climbing less thrilling, it can only accent the interest in activities such as crater jumping. While gravity on earth prevents the average person from regularly tuning their ability to leap a decent crater, they will surely be able to pick up the proper technique by watching their moon counterparts at their best. Less athletic audience members might take interest in the accelerated ability of moon contestants to perform in ballet, contemporary and other forms of dance. Even without much experience, the cast are sure to be instantly lighter on their feet, and half way to Broadway by the time they take their first steps on the moon. But, like all reality show before it, the extra terrestrial version would surely be spurred on occasion by events outside the control of the contestants.

While the original reality TV shows would need a boost from the network to get the surprise twist into their shows, the moon crew is aided by the presence of many natural events. Lunar eclipses, already popular viewing events from the surface of the earth, would quickly become nights of increased ratings for this ultimate reality show. It will always be a popular night to see how the cast fare in the extreme conditions that overtake the moon when the earth stands between it and its source of heat and light. Other natural events, like meteor showers, would be just as exciting, however due to their unpredictability, would not be as well advertised as the eclipse, bringing in slightly reduced ratings in the end.

It is very clear, that while officially making it so that all reality television shows must be conducted solely from the surface of the moon might be a decent idea, Reality TV must be limited in some way in years to come. At the current rate, these shows would be the only thing left on TV in five years time. It’s time for a revolution back to the honest TV that existed only in the early days of the technology. Until then, call the Russians and let them know they’ve got a few more passengers for their next launch.

-----------------

*EDITORS NOTE: The Vilita National section "Sports Special" which has been covering the Vilitan National team's World Cup 13 Qualifying efforts has been discontinued following the embarrassing draw with quality-lacking opponents Aserjin. The board of directors felt this newspaper should portray more positive images of life, and not those of a group of Underdogs who train long and hard every day, yet keep getting knocked down when they come up against their task. There are no current plans to re-continue the section in the near future.

-----------------
M09:
Vilita (http://www.nationstates.net/cgi-bin/index.cgi/34936/page=display_nation/nation=vilita) [1] - [1] Aserjin
-----------------

Brazillico

01-04-2004, 14:03

Pop Guterres ran into the doors of the Brazillico Advance barely able to contain himself. "6-3!," he exclaimed, "We beat Aquilla 6-3!" The Advance's writers were quick to start writing about the Thrilla 'Gainst Aquilla, deciding to devote the entire paper on this monumental win. Around 1 am, just as the papers were going to the press, good old Tony Tiberio turned on the television to see a match report on the Brazillico Sports Network. "w00t!" said Tony, "Says here we lost 2-1." All eyes in the building turned towards Pop, looking for an explanation of some sort. "April Fools!" exclaimed Pop, as he grabbed his belly, fell onto his back and began laughing uncontrollably. Some of the Advance's writers sprinted to their typewriters to prepare a new story, while most carried Pop outside and proceeded to kick the sh!t out of him. By daybreak, the usual 100 pages of The Brazillico Advance was but a solitary sheet, though still asking for the 0.85 Corona price tag. The front page read:

The Brazillico Advance

Aquilla defeated Brazillico 2-1.

Those who bought the paper and hoped their would be some more content on the opposing side of the flyer were wrong, as it was just a full page ad for Solid Gold candy bars.

The Eagles Nest

01-04-2004, 15:17

This double post is an April Fool's Joke.

Matchday 9 Review will be shown at 8 pm later tonight.

The Eagles Nest

01-04-2004, 15:22

After the Eagle's Nest read that they lost 9-4 to Anti-Nazis, the hospitals reported an upswing of heart attacks and ulcers in the nation's hospital.

However, it was fouond out that due to the mass confusion of April Fool's, that the game actually was not played due to mass rioting in the land of Anti-Nazis due to the fact that the Easter bunny had been shot and Easter candy had been , and the game was recorded as a 0-0 tie.

The Eagle's Nest is helping appeal the Melmondian decision on Horace's three month sentence to try to get it stayed until after qualifying is finished. No word on how Horace got out of BSE Free Bovine, which is currently sending no transmissions and rumors of the slaughtered cows walking the land grow.

Matchday 9 Reviewwill be shown at 8 pm later tonight.

Audioslavia

01-04-2004, 18:38

Resistencia is Futile!
'slaves stay top

Audioslavia beat a ricketty Resistencia side 3-0 yesterday, keeping the two-point gap between them and Bedistan in tact.

Jack Croft and Jeff Jordan combined for the first goal, the two players exchanging some neat passes between each other until Jordan broke through a gap in the defence, hit his shot off the goalkeepers legs, and Croft finished up to make the score 1-0 after twenty minutes.

Jonny Willow added to his tally before half-time with a raking shot into the far corner, and Aaron O`Malley scored his first goal in four games with a fifteen yard low drive after some slick play by on the wing by Callum Jensen

Final Score
Audioslavia 3 (Croft 20, Willow 44, O`Malley 73)
Resistencia 0

[code:1:b22d8d390a]
Group 10
Pts W D L GF:GA GD
1. Audioslavia 21 7 0 2 17: 5 12
2. Bedistan 19 5 4 0 15: 3 12
3. Dennisov 17 5 2 2 12: 7 5
4. Avenging Altos 16 5 1 3 19: 9 10
5. Iansisle 15 4 3 2 11: 8 3
6. NEWI Cefn Druids 12 3 3 3 8: 8 0
7. Magnus Valerius 11 2 5 2 10:10 0
8. Fahigland 7 2 1 6 3:19 -16
9. Free Radicals of Mu-Mu 3 0 3 6 3:15 -12
10.Resistencia 2 0 2 7 1:15 -14 [/code:1:b22d8d390a]

Audioslavia and Resistencia maintain their positions at either end of the table after the expected Audioslavia victory. The surprise of the round comes from Magnus Valerius who impressively scrambled a hard-fought victory over the Avenging Altos. Bedistan and Dennisov remain two and four points behind the 'slaves after their wins over Fahigland and Mu-Mu.

The Match of the round was the six-pointer between Iansisle and NEWI Cefn Druids at the Druids stadium. Both sides desperate to stay on the heels of the pack, they met in a heated game which Iansisle won despite a partizan Druid crowd. As a result, Iansisle stay within two points of a qualification spot, whilst NEWI Cefn Druids drop three points behind Iansisle. Magnus Valerius' heroics put them right on the tail of the pack, level on goal difference with NEWI Cefn Druids but just one point behind.

NEWI Cefn Druids Vs Dennisov
Avenging Altos Vs Bedistan
Audioslavia Vs Magnus Valerius
Fahigland Vs Iansisle
Free Radicals of Mu-Mu Vs Resistencia

Magnus Valerius' recent form means that there are now seven teams with realistic chances of getting a qualifying spot:
[code:1:b22d8d390a]
#. Name Pts.
1. Audioslavia 21
2. Bedistan 19
3. Dennisov 17
4. Avenging Altos 16
5. Iansisle 15
6. NEWI Cefn Druids 12
7. Magnus Valerius 11
[/code:1:b22d8d390a]

Audioslavia
The 'slaves have struggled with their away form, getting beaten all to comfortably when the pressure is on. Luckily for them, all but one of their matches against the top six sides are at home in the second half of the season, and with Audioslavia's official status as the world's second best footballing nation, you'd have to say Audioslavia are the hottest favorites to qualify.
Odds: 1-2

Bedistan
Lots has been said about Bedistan's dramatic fall from grace in recent years. Despite being in the final-four in four consecutive world cups, the royal blue juggernaut has been rickety in recent times. Bedistan failed to qualify for World Cup 11, and their WC12 side looked greener than the ugly diagonal stripe on their shirt. However, the team look ten times better this time round. The Lions are yet to be defeated in nine games so far, and handed the 'slaves a hefty defeat when they met the other week. If they can find a way to stop getting themselves tied up with the smaller teams, Bedistan can blitz this qualifying group. Second favorites behind Audioslavia, but only by a hair.
Odds: 5-4

Dennisov
Dennisov have impressed, despite this tournament not being called 'World Cup 4'. The side arent world beaters like their ancestors, but have been winning the games they need to win, falling only to Audioslavia and Bedistan in matches where they were simply outclassed. Dennisov may be in third position, but they'll have to work hard to keep it, as Avenging Altos and Iansisle are hot on their heels and have proven themselves to be just as good, if not better, than Dennisov. The side would have to be joint third-favorites with Iansisle for qualification.
Odds: 4-1

Avenging Altos
A surprise to say the least, Avenging Altos were in second place before Magnus Valerius brought them back down to earth with a 3-2 thud. The altoists aren't afraid of the big teams, and have proved they can push and shove with the big boys after coming from behind to stick three goals past Iansisle away from home. AA have shown they have the pluckiness to get up there, now have to prove that they have the determination to stay up there, and they have to prove it quickly, as their next games are against Bedistan, Audioslavia and Iansisle. They took four points from these three games in the first half of the season, they'll definately need a similar tally now if they want to stay competitive.
Odds: 11-1

Iansisle
The Ians have always been one of the 'also-rans' in qualifying, always there, always getting on the big-boys' heels, but never quite making enough progress themselves. Iansisle have proved that their character is not to blame for their past mis-haps in their away win over NEWI Cefn Druids in a match whereby the loser would drop off the immediate title race. Now just two points behind Dennisov in the final qualification spot, Iansisle have an away game against Fahigland to get them in good stead for a home crunch match with Bedistan, and a six-pointer away to their recent slayers Avenging Altos.
Odds, 8-1

NEWI Cefn Druids
After a glorious start, the druids have fallen away, thanks mainly to that sickening body blow by Iansisle in mid-week which knocked them down to sixth, three points off the pace. The Druids soon have to face Magnus Valerius at home, in a match which must surely be a sign of which direction the Druids are going to take. If they lose, they'll almost definately find the big teams vanishing into the horizons, if they win, they'll be back in the thick of the action.
Odds: 20-1

...and finally
Magnus Valerius
MV spent their first few games getting beaten, finding their only points in a 1-1 draw with lowly Mu-Mu. Magnus have beaten Fahigland and Resistencia, and a few choice draws put them on eight points (still off the pace) before their brilliant win over Avenging Altos last week catapulted them to within a point of the Druids. Magnus Valerius will have to have a cracking end to the season to stand any real chance of getting third place. Wins against the bottom three are necessary, as are a few points nicked off the top teams. Magnus Valerius will hope to start that in their next match, away to the leaders Audioslavia.
Odds: 66-1

Bedistan

02-04-2004, 00:00

The Bedistan Sports Digest

Highest-Scoring Game in Lions History
But annoyingly, only a draw

FAHIGLAND -- The Bedistan Lions played last night in Fahigland. Due to the incredible excitement and goal output of the match, space prevents us from providing a summary of the action.

Final score:
Fahigland 8 (7, 21, 26, pen 34, 40, 71, 79, 88)
Bedistan 8 (Vu 3, 18, 44, 57; Neighbors 30, 61; Roose 77; Fukushima 90)

Or maybe not...

No, actually, we won the match, but instead of sixteen goals, only three were actually scored. The Lions hold second place in Group 10, two points behind Audioslavia and two ahead of Dennisov.

REAL final score:
Fahigland 0
Bedistan 3 (Neighbors 18, Cooke 79, McGarity 86)

BSD predictions now show Audioslavia winning the group on 44 points, Bedistan in second with 39, and Dennisov third with 34. Tonight's predictions actually do show the Lions losing a match -- an expected 2-1 loss to Dennisov on matchday 12.

Snub Nose 38

02-04-2004, 03:01

Scuttlebutt

Management Staff Replaced!
Sten Remington Grey

The Minister of Athletics, Olympics, and Alcoholic Beverages today announced wholesale replacement of the Hooligans Management Staff. Ben Dover has been replace as Manager by Ben Stein. Stein immediately replaced both Offensive and Defensive Assistant Managers (Eileen Dover and Justin Case, respectively). As Defensive Assistant Manager Stein brought in Crepe, who has several World Cups under his belt as a keeper for the Hooligans. Norm Swartzkopf was named as the new Offensive Assistant Manager. Norm has some experience in the field of offense.

"They were just too flippin' old," The Minister of Athletics, Olympics, and Alcoholic Beverages. "I mean, Ben Dover managed the Hooligans in for World Cup 3. He was in his forties then. The old geezer had his 83rd birthday last week. Takes 'im half an hour to walk from the locker room out to the field. New blood, that's what we need."

"Idiot! He's a bloomin' idiot! He's the one ought to be replaced!" Eileen Dover told this reporter.

"We'll just see about this," said Ben Dover as he passed by, "We'll just...we'll...Eileen, what am I talking about?"

Justin Case, recently arrested on charges of Polonius Assault and out on bail, refused to comment. He was seen later, however, hurling mud balls at the Minister's Bentley.

Nation Mourns
Sten Mike Easter

The Frost-Free Borderlands of Snub Nose 38 was in mourning today. Black sack-cloth predominated the fashion scene. All but essential business' and government services were suspended for the day. Public Transportation was at a halt. Television and Radio stations throughout the nation devoted their entire days programming to biographical pieces, panel discussions, coverage of statements by renowned and unknown alike. Every hour on the hour muffled bells sounded. Memorial services, both impromptu and elaborately arranged, were held in every city and town in the land.

Tributes to the life and times of someone we all knew as "Margaret".

A moment of silence...

"Irreplaceable," said The Guy Currently In Charge Of Stuff For The Frost-Free Borderlands Of Snub Nose 38, "One of a kind. Simply irreplaceable."

...at the bottom of the page...
Scuttlebutt - April 1st Edition

In sports, the the Spectral Hooligans held of Warnocks Wizards in a tough match, the Hooligans scoring on a very lucky shot as the Wizards keeper slipped and missed what should have been an easy save. Snub Nose 38 Hooligans 1, Warnocks Wizards Red and White Wizards 0. The Hooligan retain their hold on 1st place in Group 5, and still have the best overall qualifying record at the halfway point.

The Eagles Nest

02-04-2004, 05:04

*Scenes of Eagle's Nest players in recent games and the riot in Anti-Nazis play. Horace in a Melmondian court is also shown. The scenes fade to a must nicer set than last time.

Hi, I'm Sam Smith. As you can see, they spruced up the set a bit after last show. I guess well, they think I had something to do with the 3 spot. Ah well.

Anyway, after 9 matches, we have reached the halfway point, and the Strike Birds are in 2nd place 3 points behind Gesamtkuntswerk. Here's the standings of Group 4:

[code:1:f5f4f2e99b]
Pos Team P W D L F A GD Pts PP
1 Gesamtkuntswerk 9 7 2 0 13 0 13 23 50
2 The Eagle's Nest 9 6 2 1 11 4 7 20 47
3 Mattigool 9 6 0 3 13 6 7 18 45
4 Anti-Nazis 9 5 2 2 13 6 7 17 44
5 Commerce Heights 9 5 2 2 12 5 7 17 44
6 Vozvyshennost 9 5 1 3 13 5 8 16 43
7 Formula One Racing 9 3 0 6 4 11 -7 9 36
8 Fortuna Prospera 9 2 0 7 3 13 -10 6 33
9 Mordecei 9 0 2 7 1 14 -13 2 29
10Gleam Street 9 0 1 8 2 21 -19 1 28
[/code:1:f5f4f2e99b]

Vozy has dropped quickly in the standings since last show, and the race for third is very tight, 4 teams within 2 points.

So shall we look at the teams?

1. Gesamtkuntswerk

The goalie here is absolutely phenominal, with 9 clean sheets and a 7-2-0 record. They seem unstoppable, but their lack of transmissions may hurt them in the long run.

Odds to transfer: 2:1

2. Eagle's Nest

They've been a bit slow the last couple of games, but their only loss is to group leader Gesy. If they can play this well the next 9 games, then we will be ok.

Odds to transfer: 3:1

3. Mattigool

Well, they've played great at home, so-so away. They do have 5 home games left so they could be a threat.

Odds: 5:1

4. Anti-Nazis

4-1-0 at home, 1-1-2 away. more away games than home....could be trouble.

Odds: 8:1

5. Commerce Heights

The group favorites have played well of late, look for them to come on strong.

Odds: 6:1

6. Vozvyshennost

4-0-0 away, 1-1-3 at home. and they've played ugly recently.

Odds: 12:1

7. Formula One Racing

3 wins.....and 6 losses. not playing well. away 4 of 4 losses.

Odds: 50:1

8. Fortuna Prospera

only 2 wins....not a chance to qualify at this time.

Odds: 150:1

9. Mordecei

Only 2 draws: free points for everyone else.

Odds: 300:1

10. Gleam Street

1 draw. brilliant. hate to say it, but they aren't getting out of 10th place.

Odds: 10000:1

Our commercial:

**a scared small child looks at the camera. Buy vegetables from Melmond. The farmers are nice. *looks off camera* chem..i-cal free. low emmizzions in Melmond. Buy vegetables....or Horace never plays *looks off camera* what does that mean? **cut to graphic. Buy Vegetables.

Sam grumbles. Anyway, Horace is hopefully able to play later this campaign....more news tomorrow hopefully.

Well, our crack analysts have been doing some predictions.
And Heeeeree we go!

[code:1:f5f4f2e99b]
Prediction one:
Pos Team P W D L F A GD Pts PP
1 Gesamtkuntswerk 18 14 3 1 24 3 21 45 45
2 The Eagle's Nest 18 12 3 3 20 8 12 39 39
3 Vozvyshennost 18 12 1 5 23 10 13 37 37
4 Commerce Heights 18 10 3 5 19 10 9 33 33
5 Anti-Nazis 18 10 2 6 20 12 8 32 32
6 Mattigool 18 9 4 5 21 13 8 31 31
7 Fortuna Prospera 18 6 0 12 10 22 -12 18 18
8 Mordecei 18 3 2 13 6 22 -16 11 11
9 Formula One Racing 18 3 1 14 7 22 -15 10 10
10Gleam Street 18 1 1 16 5 33 -28 4 4

Prediction two:
Pos Team P W D L F A GD Pts PP
1 Gesamtkuntswerk 18 14 3 1 25 4 21 45 45
2 Vozvyshennost 18 12 1 5 24 11 13 37 37
3 The Eagle's Nest 18 11 4 3 20 9 11 37 37
4 Anti-Nazis 18 10 3 5 23 14 9 33 33
5 Commerce Heights 18 9 4 5 23 15 8 31 31
6 Mattigool 18 9 4 5 23 15 8 31 31
7 Fortuna Prospera 18 6 1 11 13 24 -11 19 19
8 Mordecei 18 3 2 13 7 23 -16 11 11
9 Formula One Racing 18 3 1 14 6 21 -15 10 10
10Gleam Street 18 1 1 16 5 33 -28 4 4

Prediction three:
Pos Team P W D L F A GD Pts PP
1 Gesamtkuntswerk 18 14 3 1 21 2 19 45 45
2 The Eagle's Nest 18 11 4 3 18 8 10 37 37
3 Vozvyshennost 18 11 2 5 22 10 12 35 35
4 Mattigool 18 9 5 4 19 10 9 32 32
5 Anti-Nazis 18 9 4 5 21 13 8 31 31
6 Commerce Heights 18 9 3 6 22 15 7 30 30
7 Fortuna Prospera 18 6 1 11 10 20 -10 19 19
8 Formula One Racing 18 3 3 12 7 20 -13 12 12
9 Mordecei 18 3 2 13 7 23 -16 11 11
10Gleam Street 18 1 1 16 7 33 -26 4 4

Prediction four:
Pos Team P W D L F A GD Pts PP
1 Gesamtkuntswerk 18 14 4 0 22 1 21 46 46
2 Vozvyshennost 18 11 3 4 26 11 15 36 36
3 Anti-Nazis 18 11 2 5 24 11 13 35 35
4 Mattigool 18 11 0 7 18 11 7 33 33
5 The Eagle's Nest 18 10 2 6 16 10 6 32 32
6 Commerce Heights 18 9 2 7 20 13 7 29 29
7 Formula One Racing 18 7 2 9 11 16 -5 23 23
8 Fortuna Prospera 18 6 2 10 10 18 -8 20 20
9 Mordecei 18 0 3 15 3 30 -27 3 3
10Gleam Street 18 0 2 16 4 33 -29 2 2
[/code:1:f5f4f2e99b]

Obviously, the first three experts have placed the Strike Birds 2nd or 3rd. The last guy....I think he got fired today. Anyway, when after matchday 14 we will have one more review show going into the home stretch. Hopefully by then we will have a slot almost locked up.....we hope.

OH and I almost forgot:

**screen cuts to Josh Adams and Horace performing a magic trick..it appears that they are cutting Alan Belmore in half, but as they do they pull the sides of the boxes away, and the legs jump out of the box and run off. Alan looks at his legs, jumps out of the box and runs away on his hands chasing the legs. Horace looks at Josh and Shrugs.**

Gotta do my job ya know. Anyway, I'm Sam Smith and all I can say...Go Birds!

The Eagle's Nest WCXIII Qualifying Campaign
Eagle's Nest @ Gleam Street Win 2-0
Eagle's Nest v. Mordecei Win 1-0
Eagle's Nest @ Gesamtkuntswerk Loss 0-3
Eagle's Nest v. Mattigool Win 2-1
Eagle's Nest @ Formula One Racing Win 2-0
Eagle's Nest v. Fortuna Prospera Win 3-0
Eagle's Nest @ Vozvyshennost Win 1-0
Eagle's Nest v. Commerce Heights Tie 0-0
Eagle's Nest @ Anti-Nazis Tie 0-0
Eagle's Nest v. Gleam Street
Eagle's Nest @ Mordecei
Eagle's Nest V. Gesamtkuntswerk
Eagle's Nest @ Mattigool
Eagle's Nest v. Formula One Racing
Eagle's Nest @ Fortuna Prospera
Eagle's Nest v. Vozvyshennost
Eagle's Nest @ Commerce Heights
Eagle's Nest v. Anti-Nazis

Melmond

02-04-2004, 06:04

Melmond Remains Mediocre
Undermanned Fearless Farmers Achieve Tie vs. Stalag 5 1-1
By Dita Dutch of the Acosta Chronicle

ACOSTA, MELMOND—The atmosphere was fever pitch at the artificial pitch of the Walladome in Acosta. A sellout crowd of 75,000 came into the Walladome, with their complimentary kazoos in full force, ready to annoy the visiting Stalag 5 side. With the dome keeping in all the noise, the Stalag 5 side will have to really work hard not to be taken over by the sound. Throughout most of the game, Stalag 5 did just that.
Melmond Manager Felix Coostatlwak made his first ever starting lineup adjustments in this game to combat the physical veterans of Stalag 5. However, with the absence of Nina Steen and Cristina Antunez, his speed and possession strategy didn’t work that well. During most of the first half, Melmond attempted to play a keep away strategy to tire the veteran Stalag 5 side. However, with all their energy intact, Stalag 5 was able to easily counter the plan with some physical play and also dominating the long balls by using their overwhelming size advantage.
At the 28th minute, a hard tackle on Melmond midfielder Rainy Zoulthane by Stalag 5 defender Pohler Jurgens led to a charge to the Melmond goal. Stalag 5 made steady and accurate passes until finding Fussballgott Simon, who was able to shield Jonsi Torrini from deflecting the pass and striked the ball into the net. It was 1-nil Stalag 5 at the 28th minute.
On the kickoff right after the goal, Melmond pulled off a play that really surprised the Stalag 5 defense as Critandi Unne used a sudden long ball which was received by a streaking Camui Arai. He had an open shot at the goal; however his shot hit the post and was cleared by the Stalag 5 defender. Stalag 5 went right at the Melmond players, trying to tire the Fearless Farmers with their brute strength. As the first half ended, it was evident that the Stalag 5 wily and plodding style was controlling the tempo of the game. The 75,000 kazoo army has had little to cheer about and was rather quiet as the half wound down.
5 minutes after the beginning of the second half, it looked as if Stalag 5 was going to silence the 75,000 kazoo army for good. Midfielder Flankengott Kramer made a pass directly to Ungeheuer Hein, who was able to put it in the back of the net. The dejected Melmond crowd thought it found their Fearless Farmers down two to a team they were expected to beat. However, the referee waived it off! It appears that Stalag 5 forward Latscher Pohl clipped Melmond goalkeeper Cory Yankovic. Cory Yankovic couldn’t get to the ball after the interference. It was a goal kick and still 1-nil Stalag 5.
That play seemed to pick up the kazoo playing in the crowd and the momentum was shifting toward the Fearless Farmers. The tempo eventually changed from the wily and plodding Stalag 5 style to the speedy and wide open style of the Fearless Farmers. Melmond took control of the game as their midfielders were dribbling around the Stalag 5 defenders and the strikers were getting shots on goal. However, none of those shots went in until Melmond defender Kestrel Bluesummers made a very quick and attentive long ball to Camui Arai, the fastest player on the team. Arai, known as Bluish-Green Lightning, took the ball and made up for his missed shot earlier in the game as he gently sets it past Stalag 5 goalkeeper Rudi “Die Mutze” Schulz. The kazoo equipped crowd exploded into a kazoo rendition of “Seven Nation Army” by the White Stripes. Some even replaced some of the words with ‘We’re going to Acosta” and “75,000 kazoo army.” The Walladome was very loud and ready to help rally its Farmers to a come from behind victory as Arai scored at the 69th minute.
Despite the crowd frenzy and the frenzied pace of the Fearless Farmers, Melmond was not able to get a shot on goal for the rest of the game as the final moments of the game were dominated by midfield play. At full time the match was a draw 1-1. Mixed feelings throughout the stadium as they were disappointed that the frenzied crowd couldn’t help the Fearless Farmers defeat the weakest team ahead of them in the standings, but good because they feel a good momentum shift.
The feelings were not as positive in the locker room. Paul “Edgy” Shields was not happy at all in his home stadium as a club player, “I wanted something more for these wild fans, and I am absolutely pissed off we couldn’t give that to them, now outtamyway I just want to get pissed!” Certainly Melmond is falling farther behind the pack with games like this. The rematch at home versus Svecia is an absolute must win.

Goals
Simon, ST5 28th
Arai, MEL 69th

Cards
None

Standings

Other Group 1 Results
Alpha Commune 0 – Svecia 2
BSE Free Bovines 1 – Kingsford 3
Raptor Claw 0 – Tanah Burung 5
Ravenspire 3 – Skipdonia 0

Group 1
Pts W D L GF:GA GD
1. Tanah Burung 21 7 0 2 19: 4 15
2. Ravenspire 21 7 0 2 17: 7 10
3. Svecia 17 5 2 2 13: 3 10
4. Kingsford 17 5 2 2 11: 5 6
5. Stalag 5 15 4 3 2 11:10 1
6. Melmond 11 3 2 4 6:13 -7
7. Skipdonia 9 3 0 6 4:11 -7
8. BSE Free Bovines 6 1 3 5 7:14 -7
9. Raptor Claw 6 1 3 5 5:15 -10
10.Alpha Commune 3 0 3 6 2:13 -11

Melmond Team Stats
Goals: Critandi Unne (3), Chris Owen (1), Diallo Unne (1), Camui Arai (1)
Cards: Cristina Antunez (2), Nina Steen (1), Jonsi Torrini (1)

Melmond National Team Schedule

@ Svecia L 4-0
v Skipdonia (Farmers Field, Melmond City) W 1-0
@ Tanah Burung L 2-0
v BSE Free Bovines (Lifedonations Stadium, Morales) W 1-0
@ Raptor Claw W 2-1
v Ravenspire (Microcosm Stadium, Aldi) L 2-0
@ Alpha Commune T 1-1
@ Kingsford L 2-0
v Stalag 5 (Walladome, Acosta) T 1-1
v Svecia (Unne Sports Temple, Unne)
@ Skipdonia
v Tanah Burung (Xpress Counsel Field, Cali)
@ BSE Free Bovines
v Raptor Claw (Woocat Books Ballpark, O’Connor)
@ Ravenspire
v Alpha Commune (MPNK Stadium, Faasen)
v Kingsford (TBA)
@ Stalag 5

Next Game
vs. Svecia (at Unne Sports Temple, Unne)

At the halfway point of the qualifying season, Melmond is mired in 6th; four points behind fifth place Stalag 5 and six points behind Svecia and Kingsford who are tied for the third and final qualifying spot. This upcoming rematch against Svecia has plenty of drama for the Fearless Farmers. Of course the whole world knows about the Svecian government jamming signal scandal, where they wanted to cover up how bad their economy was as well as Hanan Belagt’s clumsiness. However, this is much more as Svecia pounded the Fearless Farmers in their first ever international game. Melmond wants payback as well as 3 key points to stay in the qualifying hunt. Cristina Antunez is back, but won’t start as Manager Felix Coostatlwak is going to start a more physical and defense oriented lineup.

GK- Cory Yankovic
D- Scott Cheney
D- Sergio Ortiz
D- Paul “Edgy” Shields
D- Phael Survigosis
M- Martin Goodwin
M- Critandi Unne
M- Camui Arai
M- David Bixler
F- Chris Owen
F- Diallo Unne

Unne Sports Temple
Location: Unne, Melmond
Seats: 45,000 (Gazebo Roof)

The city of Unne is Melmond’s third largest city and is said to be the most fashionable city in the nation. The city was named after the famous Dr. Unne, in which Melmondian legend claims that he taught the Light Warriors an ancient language which helped rid the world from Chaos (the evil being, not the concept). Descendants of the Unne family make their home in Unne and are a sort of unofficial royalty in Melmond. Three members of the Unne family: Critandi, Gina, and Diallo play for the Fearless Farmers. The Unne Sports Temple is truly a unique building as it is a hybrid of both indoor and outdoor. Covering the pitch from the top is a roof propped up by four columns on each corner of the stadium. The roof is hand painted on the bottom and has a spire on top. The roof shields the pitch from the downpours that happen in Unne. However, the sun can still peek through the open sides of the stadium and the players still feel the elements and wind as the pitch stays perfectly dry. Tickets are completely sold out. We stress to the fans not to throw ice cubes or miniwongs at the Svecian players for one it is impolite and two it will cool them off in the balmy temperatures as well as make them rich.

Tadjikistan

02-04-2004, 09:13

Eauz fails to get past Tadjikistan

Today's match was one of the best matches Tadjikistan has ever played, In Eauz the Tadjiks lost 4-0 and nobody expected anything more then a loss. Coach Isserson however promised to give Les Bleus a hard time and he kept word.

Isserson closed down the Tadjik goal and kept Eauz at a distance, very few chances were created and none of these materialized in a goal, the result was a 0-0 tie. A very good result for Tadjikistan, who have to defend their position in the group after being last for several matches. It sure gives good hope for the next match in and against East Spaam, another strong team in the group.

Les Bleus can now take a break in our marvellous Dushanbe palace hotel and think about their next matches and how to take back the lead from Europa Brittannia who won their match. We wish them the best of luck in that mission.

Liverpool England

02-04-2004, 09:29

[shameless plug]http://s6.invisionfree.com/Nationstates_Backup/index.php?[/shameless plug]

A backup forum for when NS moves to Jolt hosting for the two to three days. I'll catch up on my RPS [The Redavic Union 3-1 and Just an egg 0-0] tomorrow.

Brazillico

02-04-2004, 12:39

The Brazillico Advance

Road Warriors Continue to Dominate
Brazillico scores easy 4-0 win over Largent

If "Glory Is Earned Through Victory," as Largentians often say, the Largent international football side has no glory at all. Brazillico wasn't really challenged today as they went to Largent and throughly dominated the home side. The Largent side brimming with confidence which Brazillico faced in Matchday 1 was all but dead, as a side with no hussle nor heart took to the field to face the Chili Bats.

Three quick goals were scored by Brazillico within the first 32 minutes, putting the match out of reach very quickly. Afterwards, the Chili Bats took their foot off the gas pedal a bit, partly a show of goodwill and sportsmanship to run up the score and also a reflex of not having to play with the same sense of urgency when you don't have a 3-goal lead.

No one else found the back of the net until Sandro Cannon made history in the 64th Minute. A splendid cross by Todd Pink was met by Cannon's head, rocketing the ball into the top shelf and allowing Sandro Cannon to become the first man in history to score a hat-trick for Brazillico.

The rest of the match was smooth sailing for Brazillico, smothering any chance the deflated Largent side tried to muster up. The final score read 4-0.

"It was one of our better matches of the tournament, we came flying out of the gates with this one," said a beaming Dr. Cosmo. "After that disheartening loss against Aquilla, it's good to get a performance like this under our belts."

"When Alex Cannon went down, I knew some guys had to step up," continued Cosmo, "You look at the scoresheet and you'd think Sandro Cannon was the hero today, and I'm not taking anything away from his performance today, but everybody stepped it up. This win was a total team effort and with a few more of these, we may well find ourselves in the World Cup."

Brazillico rolls on home to Cordova Park for their next match to face a Pablicostan team which appears to have fallen off the map again as quickly as they reappeared. This match should not be overlooked though, as Brazillico has only gone 2-0-3 at home to date, although many experts are predicting it'll be a blowout.

Brazillico 4
S. Cannon 7, 16, 64
J. Socrates 32

Largent 0

The Weegies

02-04-2004, 12:53

Sliponia Revenge Slips Up Weegies
0-2 defeat at home shows we aren't invincible

Overconfidence, curiously mixed with a slight downturn in performance, after our Zucchini display, led to a quick and easy 0-2 victory for the Sliponians, with the Weegies never really looking like a major threat, and main keeper Britton out for a few weeks with a thigh injury.

Home advantage was looking to be good for our team, but after Britton was carried off after an unfortunate collision with a Sliponian striker, the less experienced Sartré collapsed under the pressure, and made mistakes allowing the Sliponians to score two goals in quick succession, firstly a free kick from the area that Sartré completely mistimed and misjumped on, and two minutes later releasing the ball accidentally to the Sliponian striker who got an easy finish, and a lacklustre performance from a dispirited Weegie side led to a four point gap opening up between the Weegies and top placed Giant Zucchini.

Sartré has accepted blame, but claims a lack of international expertise from the management also led to this. "They only concentrated on Britton, so when he got out, I had no chance of emulating some of his performances. It's just favouritism."

Pundits point to Sartré's decent performances in the Champions League, and have all told him, in no uncertain terms, to stop whining.

Jeruselem

02-04-2004, 13:23

Jeruselem Government News

Low scoring in Round 10, Cypriots still cursed

In a low scoring Round 10, where 1-0 or 0-0 was result, not much changed except Jeruselem grabbed back 4th spot from Creedence Clearwater.

Jeruselem played New Cyprus who are pointless and it remained that way. A resolute Cypriot defense held up the determined Jeruselem attack and it seemed to head for a draw until the unfortunate New Cyprus keeper fumbled a lame bouncing strike from Rabbi Goldstein which ended up going to the Cypriot goal.

Creedence Clearwater was piped by Antaeus Rising 1-0 to allow the Crusaders to move back to 4th.

Group 7: Creedence Clearwater 0 Antaeus Rising 1
Group 7: Grand master Mark 1 The Republican Army 0
Group 7: Jeruselem 1 New Cyprus 0
Group 7: Lemmitania 0 Haraki 0
Group 7: Squornshelous 1 Jaegermeistria 0

[code:1:bc8aa7723e]
Group 7
Pts W D L GF:GA GD
1. Squornshelous 24 7 3 0 17: 3 14
2. Lemmitania 22 6 4 0 18: 4 14
3. Antaeus Rising 21 6 3 1 13: 4 9
4. Jeruselem 20 6 2 2 17:13 4
5. Creedence Clearwater 17 5 2 3 17:10 7
6. Grand master Mark 13 4 1 5 9:11 -2
7. The Republican Army 12 4 0 6 8:12 -4
8. Haraki 6 1 3 6 3:17 -14
9. Jaegermeistria 5 1 2 7 4:14 -10
10.New Cyprus 0 0 0 10 2:20 -18

[/code:1:bc8aa7723e]

Eauz

02-04-2004, 15:04

Le LIBRE

Shocker for Les Bleus

As the second half of the World Cup Qualifying started, Les Bleus travelled to Tadjikistan to play the 10th match. The last time Les Bleus met Tadjikistan, they brought out the guns, beating Tadjikistan 4 – 0 starting off the qualifying round well. Tonight’s match would be a different story.

Entering the stadium, the stadium was packed full of Tadjiki fans, looking for revenge against Les Bleus. The whistle, blared, and the match started, with Tadjikistan in command. Tadjikistan brought on a strong early attack, getting three shots on goal, one from a free kick and two from a distance, all being saved. The fans went crazy, over this early attack. Throughout the match, Les Bleus did not look to be in the match. Only 3 shots on goal were attempted in the first half of the match. The first half ended in a 0 – 0 tie.

Throughout the match too, Les Bleus coach was checking the scores of Europa Brittania and Liverpool England. By the 60th minute, the Liverpool match was over, resulting in a 0 – 0 tie, and the Europa Brittania match was locked in a 2 – 2 tie going into the 70th minutes of that match. The coach saw this, and was happy that his team had yet to score. All Les Bleus had to do was score one goal, and they would be in good place for first. Unfortunately, for the coach, and the fans, neither side scored a goal, resulting in a 0 – 0 final. Just before the match for Les Bleus was over, the reports came in that Europa Brittania scored a 3rd goal, to make the victors in their match.

After the match, the coach talked to Le Libre about the match. “We played like shit. We knew how to beat this team, but they did their homework, and we didn’t and they preserved a tie against us. Personally, I feel as if this was a personal loss for our team. We are a stronger team than what we did tonight. Oh well, I promise tomorrow will be different, we will come out STRONG.”

With the promise of a win in the next match, Les Bleus will look to their fans for some help. Les Bleus will travel back home to meet Intelligent Madness, which Les Bleus beat last time 4 – 0. Les Bleus though, better not take them lightly; otherwise, another disappointing match will be the result.

Round 1: Tadjikistan @ Eauz W 0 - 4
Round 2: Eauz @ Intelligent Madness W 4 - 0
Round 3: Liverpool England @ Eauz W 1 - 2
Round 4: Eauz @ Zephyrs W 2 - 0
Round 5: Europa Brittania @ Eauz L 1 - 0
Round 6: Eauz @ The Redavic Union W 2 - 0
Round 7: Just an egg @ Eauz W 0 - 1
Round 8: Eauz @ Gormith W 4 - 0
Round 9: East Spaam @ Eauz W 0 - 1
Round 10: Eauz @ Tadjikistan T 0 - 0
Round 11: Intelligent Madness @ Eauz
Round 12: Eauz @ Liverpool England
Round 13: Zephyrs @ Eauz
Round 14: Eauz @ Europa Brittania
Round 15: The Redavic Union @ Eauz
Round 16: Eauz @ Just an Egg
Round 17: Gormith @ Eauz
Round 18: East Spaam @ Eauz

[code:1:4f94755117]
Pts W D L GF:GA GD
1. Europa Brittania 27 9 0 1 20: 4 16
2. Eauz 25 8 1 1 20: 2 18
3. Liverpool England 22 7 1 2 21: 7 14
4. East Spaam 16 5 1 4 17:11 6
5. The Redavic Union 16 5 1 4 11:13 -2
6. Gormith 12 3 3 4 9:12 -3
7. Tadjikistan 7 1 4 5 6:17 -11
8. Intelligent Madness 7 1 4 5 5:19 -14
9. Just an egg 4 0 4 6 3:13 -10
10.Zephyrs 3 0 3 7 4:18 -14
[/code:1:4f94755117]

Eauz

02-04-2004, 15:05

Le LIBRE

Shocker for Les Bleus

As the second half of the World Cup Qualifying started, Les Bleus travelled to Tadjikistan to play the 10th match. The last time Les Bleus met Tadjikistan, they brought out the guns, beating Tadjikistan 4 – 0 starting off the qualifying round well. Tonight’s match would be a different story.

Entering the stadium, the stadium was packed full of Tadjiki fans, looking for revenge against Les Bleus. The whistle, blared, and the match started, with Tadjikistan in command. Tadjikistan brought on a strong early attack, getting three shots on goal, one from a free kick and two from a distance, all being saved. The fans went crazy, over this early attack. Throughout the match, Les Bleus did not look to be in the match. Only 3 shots on goal were attempted in the first half of the match. The first half ended in a 0 – 0 tie.

Throughout the match too, Les Bleus coach was checking the scores of Europa Brittania and Liverpool England. By the 60th minute, the Liverpool match was over, resulting in a 0 – 0 tie, and the Europa Brittania match was locked in a 2 – 2 tie going into the 70th minutes of that match. The coach saw this, and was happy that his team had yet to score. All Les Bleus had to do was score one goal, and they would be in good place for first. Unfortunately, for the coach, and the fans, neither side scored a goal, resulting in a 0 – 0 final. Just before the match for Les Bleus was over, the reports came in that Europa Brittania scored a 3rd goal, to make the victors in their match.

After the match, the coach talked to Le Libre about the match. “We played like shit. We knew how to beat this team, but they did their homework, and we didn’t and they preserved a tie against us. Personally, I feel as if this was a personal loss for our team. We are a stronger team than what we did tonight. Oh well, I promise tomorrow will be different, we will come out STRONG.”

With the promise of a win in the next match, Les Bleus will look to their fans for some help. Les Bleus will travel back home to meet Intelligent Madness, which Les Bleus beat last time 4 – 0. Les Bleus though, better not take them lightly; otherwise, another disappointing match will be the result.

Round 1: Tadjikistan @ Eauz W 0 - 4
Round 2: Eauz @ Intelligent Madness W 4 - 0
Round 3: Liverpool England @ Eauz W 1 - 2
Round 4: Eauz @ Zephyrs W 2 - 0
Round 5: Europa Brittania @ Eauz L 1 - 0
Round 6: Eauz @ The Redavic Union W 2 - 0
Round 7: Just an egg @ Eauz W 0 - 1
Round 8: Eauz @ Gormith W 4 - 0
Round 9: East Spaam @ Eauz W 0 - 1
Round 10: Eauz @ Tadjikistan T 0 - 0
Round 11: Intelligent Madness @ Eauz
Round 12: Eauz @ Liverpool England
Round 13: Zephyrs @ Eauz
Round 14: Eauz @ Europa Brittania
Round 15: The Redavic Union @ Eauz
Round 16: Eauz @ Just an Egg
Round 17: Gormith @ Eauz
Round 18: East Spaam @ Eauz

[code:1:2cbfbaefd5]
Pts W D L GF:GA GD
1. Europa Brittania 27 9 0 1 20: 4 16
2. Eauz 25 8 1 1 20: 2 18
3. Liverpool England 22 7 1 2 21: 7 14
4. East Spaam 16 5 1 4 17:11 6
5. The Redavic Union 16 5 1 4 11:13 -2
6. Gormith 12 3 3 4 9:12 -3
7. Tadjikistan 7 1 4 5 6:17 -11
8. Intelligent Madness 7 1 4 5 5:19 -14
9. Just an egg 4 0 4 6 3:13 -10
10.Zephyrs 3 0 3 7 4:18 -14
[/code:1:2cbfbaefd5]

Lovebug

02-04-2004, 17:19

LOVEBUG TOURNAMENT PAGE

(March 21, 2004) Well this will be the first World Cup for Lovebug, and despite the fact that we have been placed in a group with 6 out of ten competitors having world ranks - do not think we are discouraged. In fact my team embraces the opportunity to face such high quality opponents. Don't underestimate us though, even though we are new to this tournament our team has been playing together practically since they could walk! We look forward to our first match up with Snub Nose 38, (TBF - you must have misread the list, although we are thoroughly flattered by your complement, but remember we have skill in addition to great looks, and look forward to seeing you in round 3). You will find our roster list posted on the appropriate thread, any changes to the line up do to injury etc. will be posted as soon as they are available.
(April 2, 2004) - Apparently, it will be better for me to post new updates everyday instead of just editing my original post, so thats what I'm going to do from now on.

The Group and Rankings

[code:1:318b88d2fc]

Group 5
Pts W D L GF:GA GD
1. Snub Nose 38 28 9 1 0 21: 3 18
2. The Lowland Clans 18 6 0 4 17: 6 11
3. Warnocks Wizards 18 5 3 2 8: 3 5
4. Lovisa 17 5 2 3 8: 8 0
5. Dance 2 Revolution 15 3 6 1 6: 2 4
6. The Belmore Family 12 4 3 3 6: 7 -1
7. Lovebug 11 3 2 5 9:15 -6
8. Aserjin 5 0 5 5 2:11 -9
9. Vilita 5 1 2 7 3:13 -10
10.Compound Interest 5 1 2 7 5:17 -12
The Belmore Family was deducted 3 points
[/code:1:318b88d2fc]

Here is the Schedule where you can see us...

Round One at home against Snub Nose 38 - Lovebug (0) - Snub Nose 38 (4), Well it seems that the team was not as prepared as it should have been for this match up as it should have been, we will be having extra practices, and going over game films to prepare for the next match up.
Round Two away at Warnocks Wizards - Lovebug (0) - Warnocks Wizards (0), I want to congratulate the team on successfully defending against the Wizards, this is a step in the right direction, now all we have to do is work on our scoring. :D
Round Three at home against The Belmore Family - We are deeply saddened by the forced forfeit by the Belmore Family after the assassination of their leader, we wish them luck in this time of great sadness, in honor of their loss a moment of silence was held in Lovebug today. We will see you in round 12.
Round Four at home against Vilita - Lovebug (1) - Vilita (0) -Yeah, I couldn't be prouder of the teams first real win here at the World Cup. It was touch and go there, but we pulled it out with a Victory. The team enjoyed the victory party before, getting on the team jet for the trip to play Dance 2 Revolution Saturday morning, several members of my advisory staff will be there in person and I will be watching on LNST (Lovebug National Sports TV), I wish I could be there in person but I must be here in Lovebug to announce the birth of 600 millionth citizen. Our World cup standing is currently a tie for 3rd place with the Wizards and Dance 2 Revolution with 7 WC points.
Round Five away at Dance 2 Revolution - Well it was a hard loss on the road, we fell to the Revolution 3-0. The team was greeted with cheers, despite the loss, as they returned home this afternoon, and headed straight for the training fields to practice for tommorows battle against Lovisa, currently they are in 7th place two spots behind us in the regional rankings and 3 spots behind us in the overall (we are 54th, they are 57th). They too are just coming off a loss against the Wizards, so we should be on equal footing. We look forward to a good match tommorow.
Round Six at home against Lovisa - Another loss today as the team allowed Lovisa to score a goal in the final minute of gameplay, after holding them to a 0-0 tie for the entirety of the game.
Round Seven away against Compound Interest - YAHOO! Our biggest win to date (Lovebug - 4, CI - 0). A feast is going to be held in honor of the team here at the palace tonight to celebrate this great victory!
Round Eight at home against Aserjin - It was no one's game until the first 5 minutes of the second half when we finally scored, and we were able to hold on until to the final minute when Aserjin tied it up, unfortunately there was not enough time left on the clock to make another play. Final score was (Lovebug 1 - Aserjin 1 (Damn these no overtime games - but heck I guess it wasn't as bad as a loss)). Tonight the team will head out for a morning match up with the The Lowland Clans (in the SGN region) we will see if our Bulldogs can round up their sheep :D, keep them from scoring boys they only have 1 point more in the standings so it should be a good matchup. Tommorow we will hit the half way point of the competition.
Round Nine away at the The Lowland Clans - BEEEEP, BEEEP...... The following is a message from the NSIWS (Nation States International Weather Service). The games of the WC 13 football tournament have been delayed indefinately do to rains here in Nation States. As soon as the rains have stopped, the games will continue. THIS has been a message from the NSIWS..................................... It is Thursday, April 1st, just after midnight - after the game delay yesterday my advisors and I decided to make the trip out to The Lowands to support our Bulldogs. I was awoke suddenly, one of my close advisors had unthinkable news to tell me, a tidal wave a hit the islands of Chesapeaqua, Chesterfields, Cynthovia, Jeanovia, the Isle of Butterflies, and Beltsvilla - six of the major islands in the Lovebug Archipelago - preliminary numbers of casualties were extremely high, approximately 5 million citizens were estimated to have survived this tragedy. I immediately began trying to contact anyone I possibly could at home, there was no safe way to turn the plane around or anywhere to land. I was never able to get through, the phone lines were obviously taken out by the storm that started the tidal wave. I spent hours agonizing over what I could do, what I would say to my country men when I returned, my advisors and I began working on plans for rebuilding, we toiled for hours. It was nearly daybreak when a message came by fax, it read.... From: Max Barry.... To: Leaders of NationStates.... HAHA, April FOOLS!!!!! Your population's are safe and sound, and have been returned to normal.... Thank God, this was a false alarm, but for future events at least we will be prepared to deal with natural disasters of massive proportions........... In other news, Lovebug suffered yet another loss at the hands of the Clan, (The Lowland Clans 3 - Lovebug 0). The Clan started strong scoring a goal in the first 5 minutes of play. We held on strong for the next 30 minutes making 4 strong attempts at the goal, each one missing only by an inch or so. The Clan then got two quick goals, apparently crushing the teams spirit, we only made one attempt at the goal afterwards. Tommorow we play our first game in the second half of play, we are away at Snub Nose 38. I will be in attendance at the match. Hopefully, the team will not fair to horriby against this powerhouse.
Round Ten away at Snub Nose 38 - Well, we are here in Snub Nose again for the first game in the second half of WC 13. Well, the good news is we improved our perfomance over the last battle (we lost last time 4-0). The bad news is we still lost the match up 3-0. The Bulldogs started strong making the first two attempts at the goal in the game, both were deflected by Snub's goalie though. Snub Nose scored on their next trip down the field getting the early lead. We held them off for a while so it wasn't until after the second half that they scored again. After that we only made a couple attempts at their goal but it was all for naught and they finished us off in the last few minutes scoring their last goal on a penalty kick. The team and I headed home for tommorow's match up againt the Wizards - hopefully we have a shot for victory because we ended the last match up with a 0-0 tie. This is all for now - Queen ShyButterfly for LNSNN (Lovebug National Sports News Network).
Round Elven at home against Warnocks Wizards
Round Twelve away at The Belmore Family
Round Thirteen away at Vilita
Round Fourteen at home against Dance 2 Revolution
Round Fifteen away at Lovisa
Round Sixteen against Compund Interest
Round Seventeen away at Aserjin
Round Eighteen at home against The Lowland Clans

Kaze Progressa

02-04-2004, 17:56

Kicked Off

The psychology department of Kaza University. Five days have passed in the Prison Experiment.

Now several hundred Progressans have converged on the first floor of the block to take part in a new experiment, that they believe concerns the role of punishment in learning football skills. Experimenter Milli Graam - an almost anorexic 23-year-old - introduces the experiment.

MG: Welcome all to this experiment. As you know, our nation's football team is performing very badly, so we are looking for new ways to improve the basic and intermediate-level skills of our players. We are investigating the role of punishment in learning of these skills. In order that no irreperable damage to the chances of Kaze Progressa is done, we are using a fringe player in the squad for whom we have gained dispensation from his club, Maunkaj Jawelin.

A volunteer is sent to a room with a shock generation machine, with switches from 15 to 450 volts.

MG: OK. Maunkaj will at various times be asked to demonstrate a skill or give the next phase of a procedure. If he fails in either task, deliver a shock.
Student: OK... [quietly]

MG: OK, starting with the procedure phases. Run, aim, shoot. [pause] Answer please.
Maunkaj: ..miss.

A buzzer sounds.

MG: Wrong! Charging at 15 volts.

Student delivers shock.

MG: Right, continue. Maunkaj, please kick the ball into the unguarded net from the edge of the penalty area.

Maunkaj smacks the ball five feet above the bar. Buzzer sounds.

MG: Failed! Charging at 30 volts.

Student delivers shock.

Procedure continues for some time with incremental increases in shock.

MG: OK. 2-0 win, 5-0 win, 0-0 draw, 2-0 win. Answer please.
Maunkaj: Um... 10-0 loss?

Buzzer sounds.

MG: Wrong! Somehow we managed to draw against Spaam. Charging at 450 volts.

Student delivers shock and an explosion is heard, followed by deafening screaming.

Next we hear, Kaze Progressa appears to be a wasteland.

Reporter on aeroplane: Almost the entire population of Kaze Progressa and the rest of the world have been killed when a nuclear bomb was detonated by an experimenter in Kaze Progressa who was decieved into thinking he was administering an electric shock...

Mutants spring out over the radiation-poisoned plains in huge numbers.

Reporter: What the...

The mutants start chanting Kaza X-Teem and Quarua Lakeside songs.

Reporter: What the hell???

To be continued...

The Hitlist
Milgram's study of obedience (1961)
KP's crap record so far
The populations shrinking to 5m

Audioslavia

02-04-2004, 19:40

Victorious over Valerius
'slaves go four points clear as Magnus and The Druids fall off the pace.
Audioslavia braved the snowy conditions in the BLC in Cornellby to pull four points clear of Bedistan at the top of the table.

Jackie Croft got his second goal in two matches, putting goal number one on the board in the ninth minute with a fierce volley.

Jonny Willow added a second twenty minutes later after Jordan made the most of a goalkeeping error, pounced on the ball and swept it into Jonny's path for the easiest goal he'll ever score.

Magnus Valerius, still clinging onto the back of the qualification race, went out in the second half looking a better side. The number seven forced a top save from Jones, before the number ten raced through on a magnificent through-ball and chipped the ball neatly into the far corner, only to see the linesman's flag raised for offside. Replays proved inconclusive, and whilst the Valerius players tried to overcome the dissapointment Aaron O`Malley was busy breaking through a gap in the MV defence, rounding the goalkeeper and dinking the ball into the net for 3-0

Even with the game almost out of Magnus Valerius's reach, they still went for it, putting more and more pressure on the 'slaves but not really making any headway as Branson, Reid and Carsley stood firm at the back.

As time went on however, Magnus Valerius tired, and Aaron O`Malley made more of his case for being 'the best striker in Audioslavia' when he recieved the ball on the edge of the box, flicked it in the air, turned and struck the ball sweetly past the goalkeeper, the ball flicking the underside of the bar as the it went in.

Willow and O`Malley are working well together up front despite the much publicised rivalry between the two.

Final Score
Audioslavia 4 (Croft 9, Willow 28, O`Malley 57, 82)
Magnus Valerius 0

[code:1:f44bb33a8a]
Other group 10 matches:
Avenging Altos 1 Bedistan 1
Fahigland 0 Iansisle 1
Free Radicals of Mu-Mu 2 Resistencia 0
NEWI Cefn Druids 0 Dennisov 2

Group 10
Pts W D L GF:GA GD
1. Audioslavia 24 8 0 2 21: 5 16
2. Bedistan 20 5 5 0 16: 4 12
3. Dennisov 20 6 2 2 14: 7 7
4. Iansisle 18 5 3 2 12: 8 4
5. Avenging Altos 17 5 2 3 20:10 10
6. NEWI Cefn Druids 12 3 3 4 8:10 -2
7. Magnus Valerius 11 2 5 3 10:14 -4
8. Fahigland 7 2 1 7 3:20 -17
9. Free Radicals of Mu-Mu 6 1 3 6 5:15 -10
10.Resistencia 2 0 2 8 1:17 -16
[/code:1:f44bb33a8a]

Audioslavia stay on the top of the group, four points ahead of Bedistan who could only manage a draw with Avenging Altos. Dennisov's away defeat of an unimpressive NEWI Cefn Druids side seems to have ejected the Druids from the qualification race. Now eight points adrift of third and five adrift of fifth placed Avenging Altos, the Druids will need to regain some of their earlier form to catch up. Iansisle just refuse to go away, nicking a 1-0 win at struggling Fahigland. They remain just two points behind Dennisov, with the two due to meet soon, it should be a cracker. Avenging Altos are also keeping the pace a point behind Iansisle, succesfully holding Bedistan to a credible draw away from home, they'll hope they can do the same against Audioslavia next week.

In the bottom of the table, Magnus Valerius didnt do their slim qualification hopes any good by getting mauled by the 'slaves today, whilst Fahigland, Mu-Mu and Resistencia remain as they were at the bottom of the group.

Audioslavia

02-04-2004, 19:42

...and justice for all

Vilita

02-04-2004, 19:54

http://www.dirt-racing.com/3wide/sites/ao/vn.gif

Vilita (http://www.nationstates.net/cgi-bin/index.cgi/34936/page=display_nation/nation=vilita) 0 - 2 The Lowlands Clans

(none) :: (Jeremy 26, Blackwing 47)

The Colony of Vilita (http://www.nationstates.net/cgi-bin/index.cgi/34936/page=display_nation/nation=vilita) Jungle Cats had their 2 match unbeaten run snapped by the Lowlands Clans, and conceded more than 1 goal for the first time since the opening match of the tournament, also against The Lowlands Clans.

The Jungle Cats (http://www.nationstates.net/cgi-bin/index.cgi/34936/page=display_nation/nation=vilita) began the game promisingly and created the first goal-scoring opportunity as a ball from Stott found Germán Salomón whose powerful right-footed shot curled wide of Clans keeper Greg Devore’s goal. The Lowlands Clan quickly responded when a Kellen Asten header wasn’t deal with by Corsi and which gave Chee Blackwing a clear-cut opportunity to put The Lowlands Clan into the lead. His powerful shot was blocked on the line by Jonathon Baledrokadroka, which allowed The Jungle Cats (http://www.nationstates.net/cgi-bin/index.cgi/34936/page=display_nation/nation=vilita) defence to clear.

The Lowlands Clan built upon this early pressure and came close once more in the 25th minute when a slip from Baledrokadroka allowed Asten to catch The Jungle Cats (http://www.nationstates.net/cgi-bin/index.cgi/34936/page=display_nation/nation=vilita) defense in possession leaving the Vilita (http://www.nationstates.net/cgi-bin/index.cgi/34936/page=display_nation/nation=vilita) back-line out numbered, but a poor cross from Asten was dealt with well by Massimo Corsi. This pressure finally paid off for The Lowlands Clan in the 26th minute when a Kassen Illius cross fell to Mark Jeremy who managed to slip between Jonathon Baledrokadroka and Enzo Ahat before placing a firm shot past the stationary Massimo Corsi from eight yards.

Moments later Vilita (http://www.nationstates.net/cgi-bin/index.cgi/34936/page=display_nation/nation=vilita) came close to pulling level when a Santo Kecker corner caused confusion in the Clanner’s penalty area and after the ball was headed back into the danger zone by Stott, Jonathon Baledrokadroka hit a weak looping shot inches over Devore’s cross-bar. In the 30th minute The Jungle Cats (http://www.nationstates.net/cgi-bin/index.cgi/34936/page=display_nation/nation=vilita) tested Devore from distance as a stinging 30-yard shot from Jonathon Stott warmed the hands of the experienced goalkeeper. Vilita (http://www.nationstates.net/cgi-bin/index.cgi/34936/page=display_nation/nation=vilita) continued to have the majority of the possession as the half-time whistle approached and after good work from Baron O’Toole a well placed pass from Stott found Jungle Cats captain Santo Kecker in space and his half-volley flew just over the The Lowlands Clan cross-bar.

The Clanner’s began the second half as the stronger side and extended their lead in the 47th minute with a piece of individual brilliance from man of the match Chee Blackwing. Blackwing received 30-yards from the Vilita (http://www.nationstates.net/cgi-bin/index.cgi/34936/page=display_nation/nation=vilita) goal and his stunning shot left Corsi stranded as it hit the underside of the cross-bar and nestled into the back of The Jungle Cats (http://www.nationstates.net/cgi-bin/index.cgi/34936/page=display_nation/nation=vilita) net. 3 minutes later The Jungle Cats (http://www.nationstates.net/cgi-bin/index.cgi/34936/page=display_nation/nation=vilita) attempted to reduce the deficit when a mazy dribble by Stott allowed him to find his way past three of the The Lowlands Clan defenders before prodding the ball past the on-rushing Devore with his left-foot, but his full-stretch effort rolled just wide of the The Lowlands Clan goal.

A stinging 58th minute Callum Banda shot forced Devore to parry the ball to the feet of Giacomo Adika who was prevented from scoring by a fine saving challenge by Clans defender Markus Hessus. The resulting corner saw The Jungle Cats (http://www.nationstates.net/cgi-bin/index.cgi/34936/page=display_nation/nation=vilita) threaten to score once more. The corner was whipped in by Banda and met by Jonathon Baledrokadroka who connected with the ball well, but saw his header held by the Clanner’s keeper. After this spell of pressure from The Jungle Cats (http://www.nationstates.net/cgi-bin/index.cgi/34936/page=display_nation/nation=vilita), The Lowlands Clan took advantage and caught Vilita (http://www.nationstates.net/cgi-bin/index.cgi/34936/page=display_nation/nation=vilita) on the counter-attack. Xavier Ford burst down the left wing before pulling the ball back from the by-line in to the feet of Kellen Asten who hit a well-struck first time shot which forced the on-rushing Corsi to make a superb parry low to his left.

Vilkaus made his first change on the 59th minute when Forward Lorenzo Mumamba replaced Defender Giacomo Adika who had been ineffective against the The Lowlands Clan front-line. Moments from the final whistle The Jungle Cats (http://www.nationstates.net/cgi-bin/index.cgi/34936/page=display_nation/nation=vilita) came close to a consolation goal when a superb cross from Substitute Nigel Chapman was met by Salomón with a powerful header that caught Devore out of position and was cleared off of the line by the clans defense.

Bookings: Vilita (http://www.nationstates.net/cgi-bin/index.cgi/34936/page=display_nation/nation=vilita) - none; Lowlands Clans - none.

http://www.dirt-racing.com/3wide/sites/ao/v11-6.jpg

----------------

M01:
Vilita (http://www.nationstates.net/cgi-bin/index.cgi/34936/page=display_nation/nation=vilita) [0] - [4] Lowlands Clans
M02:
Vilita (http://www.nationstates.net/cgi-bin/index.cgi/34936/page=display_nation/nation=vilita) [0] - [1] Snub Nose 38
M03:
Vilita (http://www.nationstates.net/cgi-bin/index.cgi/34936/page=display_nation/nation=vilita) [0] - [1] Warnocks Wizards
M04:
Vilita (http://www.nationstates.net/cgi-bin/index.cgi/34936/page=display_nation/nation=vilita) [0] - [1] Lovebug
M05:
Vilita (http://www.nationstates.net/cgi-bin/index.cgi/34936/page=display_nation/nation=vilita) [0] - [1] The Belmore Family
M06:
Vilita (http://www.nationstates.net/cgi-bin/index.cgi/34936/page=display_nation/nation=vilita) [0] - [0] Dance 2 Revolution
M07:
Vilita (http://www.nationstates.net/cgi-bin/index.cgi/34936/page=display_nation/nation=vilita) [0] - [1] Lovisa
M08:
Vilita (http://www.nationstates.net/cgi-bin/index.cgi/34936/page=display_nation/nation=vilita) [2] - [1] Compound Interest
M09:
Vilita (http://www.nationstates.net/cgi-bin/index.cgi/34936/page=display_nation/nation=vilita) [1] - [1] Aserjin
M10:
Vilita (http://www.nationstates.net/cgi-bin/index.cgi/34936/page=display_nation/nation=vilita) [0] - [2] Lowlands Clans
M11:
Vilita (http://www.nationstates.net/cgi-bin/index.cgi/34936/page=display_nation/nation=vilita) [] - [] Snub Nose 38
M12:
Vilita (http://www.nationstates.net/cgi-bin/index.cgi/34936/page=display_nation/nation=vilita) [] - [] Warnocks Wizards
M13:
Vilita (http://www.nationstates.net/cgi-bin/index.cgi/34936/page=display_nation/nation=vilita) [] - [] Lovebug
M14:
Vilita (http://www.nationstates.net/cgi-bin/index.cgi/34936/page=display_nation/nation=vilita) [] - [] The Belmore Family
M15:
Vilita (http://www.nationstates.net/cgi-bin/index.cgi/34936/page=display_nation/nation=vilita) [] - [] Dance 2 Revolution
M16:
Vilita (http://www.nationstates.net/cgi-bin/index.cgi/34936/page=display_nation/nation=vilita) [] - [] Lovisa
M17:
Vilita (http://www.nationstates.net/cgi-bin/index.cgi/34936/page=display_nation/nation=vilita) [] - [] Compound Interest
M18:
Vilita (http://www.nationstates.net/cgi-bin/index.cgi/34936/page=display_nation/nation=vilita) [] - [] Aserjin

-----------------

Group 5 Results from Matchday 10:
Group 5: Aserjin 0 Dance 2 Revolution 0
Group 5: Compound Interest 0 Lovisa 1
Group 5: Snub Nose 38 3 Lovebug 0
Group 5: The Belmore Family 0 Warnocks Wizards 2
Group 5: The Lowland Clans 2 Vilita 0
[code:1:c2fca5ba65]
Group 5
Pts W D L GF:GA GD
1. Snub Nose 38 28 9 1 0 21: 3 18
2. The Lowland Clans 18 6 0 4 17: 6 11
3. Warnocks Wizards 18 5 3 2 8: 3 5
4. Lovisa 17 5 2 3 8: 8 0
5. Dance 2 Revolution 15 3 6 1 6: 2 4
6. The Belmore Family 12 4 3 3 6: 7 -1
7. Lovebug 11 3 2 5 9:15 -6
8. Aserjin 5 0 5 5 2:11 -9
9. Vilita 5 1 2 7 3:13 -10
10.Compound Interest 5 1 2 7 5:17 -12
The Belmore Family was deducted 3 points
[/code:1:c2fca5ba65]
----------------

The Colony of Vilita (http://www.nationstates.net/cgi-bin/index.cgi/34936/page=display_nation/nation=vilita) Jungle Cats will be looking to qualify for the World Cup finals in their first attempt after only recently being recognized by the World Governing Body. The Jungle Cats are currently undefeated in the last 6 Atlantian Oceania (http://www.nationstates.net/cgi-bin/index.cgi/34936/page=display_region/region=atlantian_oceania) Regional championships, and look poised to add to that total in the upcoming Atlantian Oceania (http://www.nationstates.net/cgi-bin/index.cgi/34936/page=display_region/region=atlantian_oceania) Olympic games. Their squad will consist of mostly young stars from the National league, with a few experienced veterans, from the days before baseball was outlawed in the Nation, to guide them on their way to Glory.

imported_Nikea

02-04-2004, 19:58

Queldas Hikari - Rul Isio Nesuntel A Seserim

Pandas Get Past Insanicians
Hold slim lead in Group 2
by Markenin Markenel

TOTAL N UTTER INSANITY(NP) - Group 2 remains very tight, but the Pandas have maintained their slight edge with a 2-0 win in TnUI yesterday.

The match opened slowly, with neither side getting any good quality chances. The first shot on goal came from a 30 yard distance in the 23rd minute, when an intended pass got away from a TnUI forward, and headed straight to Darinen Feretel, who made an easy catch. The match went into half-time at 0-0, and the total attempts on target were 2 to 1 in favour of the home side. None of the three attempts looked very threatening. A second Insanician shot was easily saved by Feretel, and Kitase's shot for the Pandas was at least 3 metres wide.

Play picked up slightly in the second half, although the visitors took control of the most of it. In the 64th minute, Nikea's 4th attempt on target proved successful, as Kitase deflected a Torendel pass. The visitors scored a second time when Fyren Okimatel sent a cannoning shot into the top left corner, past the outstretched arms of the TnUI keeper. Serenitel was substituted thereafter, and the Pandas played defensively until the final whistle, earning a 2-0 win.

Nikea now has 8 wins, 1 draw, and only 1 loss in 10 games, the loss an impressive 3-2 defeat in Brazillico. The Pandas will hope to gain results in the following few matches against some very tough competition, in hopes to make qualification as certain as possible. Hopefully the Pandas will get into the World Cup, and past the first group stage for the first time in their history.

[code:1:01399c1238]
TnUI 0
v.
Nikea 2 (Kitase 64, Okimatel 72)
[/code:1:01399c1238]

Lemmitania

02-04-2004, 22:11

Important announcement coming up...

Lemmitania

02-04-2004, 22:12

<OOC>Announcement

The World Cup Committee has voted in favor of a resolution to appoint Snub Nose 38 its president. SN38 has accepted the appointment.

Effective immediately, Snub Nose 38 is president of the WCC and has the authority to make final decisions in all questions regarding the NationStates World Cup. He also has the authority to appoint committees as he sees fit.

The future role of the WCC will be determined by SN38's decisions.

Thank you.</OOC>

Lemmitania

02-04-2004, 22:12

Melmond

02-04-2004, 22:50

MFA To Investigate Mysterious Eagle's Nest Commericals
By Jay Ununne of the Unne Sun Times

The Melmond Football Association as well as the Melmond Farmers Associations were absolutely shocked to hear about commercials shown in the Eagles Nest basically stating that "Buy Melmondian vegetables or Horace never plays." "Such threats and power mongering is beneath us," says Princess of the Melmond Football Association Tasa Seegwun, "We just want to make our mark on the sports world with hard work rather than ultimatums and threats."
The Melmond police as well as both MFAs are conducting an investigation to find out the true source of these advertisements. As for the safety of Horace, he now has bodyguards surrounding him at his hotel room as well as at Lifedonations Stadium in Morales.

Melmond

02-04-2004, 22:50

They are on to us...darn double post.

Snub Nose 38

02-04-2004, 22:55

ooc: Another Announcement

Please take part in the discussions about various World Cup Committee issues. For those who may not know where it is, here it is:

World Cup | The Rankings | The Discussion (http://www.nationstates.net/forum/viewtopic.php?t=95968&highlight=)

Everyone's opinion is valued. Good ideas all start somewhere. Things seem to work better when there's open discussion and idea sharing before any decisions get made.

I would like to keep the WCC as simple as possible, so everyone can get the most enjoyment out of the least effort - we all have other stuff to do, and we do this for fun.

A few committees will be needed to get a couple of things ironed out. Tomorrow I'll post (in the Discussion Thread) what committees, and ask for volunteers for each. If you're willing to spend some time on the WCC, please volunteer. If not, that's ok too.

We may also need a few rules (the fewer the better). We won't adopt any until discussion takes place on suggested rules. [/ooc]

Commerce Heights

03-04-2004, 00:47

Gesamtkuntswerk Conspiracy Under Investigation
COMMERCE HEIGHTS, CH - After a fourth unusually-good performance by the Gesamt-overperforming-kuntswerk St-overperforming-urms, the Commerce Underperforming Heights Bull-underperforming-dogs managed only a draw in their home game against the overperforming team. In the teams' 4 meetings, Commerce Heights has managed a record of only 1-1-2, even with rank advantages of 15 and 18. After today's match, a mere 1-1 draw, a committee has been formed to investigate potential "results fixing" (as the committee likes to call it) for the Sturms by the nations of Kaze Progressa and Rejistania. No report on the match is available because, though the tickets for the match were sold out, none of the people purchasing tickets could be bothered to watch yet another poor performance.
(03) Commerce Heights 1
(21) Gesamtkuntswerk 1 - FT

The recent win over Gleam Street and today's draw have helped predictions for future team performance:
[code:1:ab62fbfebd]Predictions from previous/current matchdays:
Pos W D L F A GD Pts
Matchday 3: 3rd 13 1 4 17 6 +11 40
Matchday 4: 3rd 14 1 3 23 12 +11 43
Matchday 5: 3rd 12 3 3 20 8 +12 39
Matchday 6: 5th 11 1 6 23 17 +6 34
Matchday 7: 4th 12 1 5 24 12 +12 37
Matchday 8: 6th 8 4 6 18 13 +5 28
Matchday 9: 4th 10 3 5 19 10 +9 33
Matchday 10: 4th 10 4 4 21 11 +10 34

Predictions for remaining matches:
Matchday 11: Formula One Racing 0 Commerce Heights 1
Matchday 12: Commerce Heights 0 Vozvyshennost 1
Matchday 13: Anti-Nazis 1 Commerce Heights 2
Matchday 14: Commerce Heights 1 Mordecei 0
Matchday 15: Mattigool 1 Commerce Heights 1
Matchday 16: Commerce Heights 1 Fortuna Prospera 1
Matchday 17: Commerce Heights 1 The Eagles Nest 2
Matchday 18: Gleam Street 0 Commerce Heights 1[/code:1:ab62fbfebd]
These predictions, from PariMedia's Computing and Statistics Division, are not entirely accurate, but we have been assured that the probability of their accuracy is between 0 and 1, with 100% confidence.

Eauz

03-04-2004, 00:57

Le LIBRE

Where is everyone?

Intelligent Madness is in town, but apparently the Eauzian fans just don’t care. Tonight’s match is scheduled at 19:00, though the stadium has only sold about half the tickets. Asking people on the street, many said:

“Oh this is just qualifying period. I’ll watch it on TV or something, but I’d rather pay money for a VERY strong team playing against Les Bleus.”

Others said:

“Oh, I don’t care, Les Bleus always get us excited in the first half of the qualifying round, and ¾ through the match, Les Bleus slump, and end up not qualifying. Les Bleus are in a strong group, and once these strong teams wake up, we are dead.”

Tonight, Les Bleus need to bounce back from a surprise tie against Tadjikistan. And to get the fans back on their side, they need to prove to the fans that that last match was only a fluke, and that this team is for real.

*side note, tonight’s match, will not be shown in the province of Callnaut because of an international chess match. (w00t!)

Eauz

03-04-2004, 01:04

Le LIBRE

Preposal to Liverpool England from Prime Minister

The Prime Minister of Eauz has preposed to the Leader of Liverpool England a deal. The deal consists of the upcoming match against Liverpool. If Les Bleus win the match, the Prime Minister will give an Eauz Jersey to the Leader of Liverpool which has to wear it for as long as Les Bleus exist in World Cup 13, and if Les Bleus lose, the Prime Minister of Eauz will Wear a Liverpool Jersey.

The Prime Minister will wait for the responce, and also preposed to others the offer.

The coach for Les Bleus would also like to thank the Tadjikistan team, which played very well against Les Bleus. Though, they are pretty much out of qualifying, they have a good chance of staying in 4th or 5th place. Good luck to them as well.

The Eagles Nest

03-04-2004, 01:22

Gleam Street Keeps Scoring Low

Gleam Street Booed Off Field After 1-0 Loss to Birds

The scoring fest that seemed to be due for the Birds was thwarted by Gleam Street after Josh Adams struck a goal in 3 minutes into the game, the Gleam Street defense sat on the ball, and infact locked it in a cage they brought onto the field and allowed time to expire at halftime to make it only a 1-0 game.

They took the ball with them into the locker room despite protests to the officials by Eagle's Nest officials. After halftime they brought the ball back onto the field and placed the cage in the center of the circle, and their center touched the ball to start the clock and then they entire team huddled around the ball to keep the very livid Nest players from it. The Nest Fans started throwing small rocks and Melmondian vegetables at the Gleam Street players but to no avail. The clock expired and the game ended only 1-0. The Gleam Street players left to a cascade of boos and carrots.

Gleam Street Coach on why they did that.

"We're eliminated already I mean, we couldn't qualfiy as it was, so why help other teams. Plus we were getting tired of having insane scores against us. *Reporter tells him he still could win the bracket if he won out and Gesam lost all* We..we could...what? *looks over at his assistant. You're fired."

Coach Aefnen:

"Mordecei is a good team that can draw the best. We need 3 from them, so we have to be careful we need all the momentum we can get going into that match vs. Gesam. At least it's in our house this time. We owe them one."

Scoring

The Eagle's Nest
J. Adams 3:12 (10)

Gleam Street
None

MatchDay 10 Recap
A wierd day with many teams tieing with only the Nest and Fortuna Propera winning. The Birds put a bit of distance between them and the pack fighting for 3rd...4 teams within 2 points of each other. Gleam Street can be on their last gasp if Anti-Nazi's wins and they lose tomorrow. Nest plays Mordecei tomorrow.

Commerce Heights 1 Gesamtkuntswerk 1
Fortuna Prospera 2 Formula One Racing 1
Mattigool 0 Vozvyshennost 0
Mordecei 2 Anti-Nazis 2
The Eagles Nest 1 Gleam Street 0

[code:1:63d4eaaa4e]
Matchday 10 Standings
Pos Team P W D L F A GD Pts PP
1 Gesamtkuntswerk 10 7 3 0 14 1 13 24 48
2 The Eagle's Nest 10 7 2 1 12 4 8 23 47
3 Mattigool 10 6 1 3 13 6 7 19 43
4 Anti-Nazis 10 5 3 2 15 8 7 18 42
5 Commerce Heights 10 5 3 2 13 6 7 18 42
6 Vozvyshennost 10 5 2 3 13 5 8 17 41
7 Formula One Racing 10 3 0 7 5 13 -8 9 33
8 Fortuna Prospera 10 3 0 7 5 14 -9 9 33
9 Mordecei 10 0 3 7 3 16 -13 3 27
10Gleam Street 10 0 1 9 2 22 -20 1 25
[/code:1:63d4eaaa4e]

The Eagle's Nest WCXIII Qualifying Campaign
Eagle's Nest @ Gleam Street Win 2-0
Eagle's Nest v. Mordecei Win 1-0
Eagle's Nest @ Gesamtkuntswerk Loss 0-3
Eagle's Nest v. Mattigool Win 2-1
Eagle's Nest @ Formula One Racing Win 2-0
Eagle's Nest v. Fortuna Prospera Win 3-0
Eagle's Nest @ Vozvyshennost Win 1-0
Eagle's Nest v. Commerce Heights Tie 0-0
Eagle's Nest @ Anti-Nazis Tie 0-0

Eagle's Nest v. Gleam Street Win 1-0
Eagle's Nest @ Mordecei
Eagle's Nest V. Gesamtkuntswerk
Eagle's Nest @ Mattigool
Eagle's Nest v. Formula One Racing
Eagle's Nest @ Fortuna Prospera
Eagle's Nest v. Vozvyshennost
Eagle's Nest @ Commerce Heights
Eagle's Nest v. Anti-Nazis

Donor For Commercial Unknown

In an apparent twist, the commercial for Melmondian vegetables was not from Melmond. The Nest TV station that ran the commercial has confirmed that the contact info that they were given was in fact for Melond's agricultural department, but the extension is a phony number. The Nest police are tracing the call to see who in fact sent the commercial.

Kerla

03-04-2004, 03:39

This is KNN (Kerlan News Network)

I am here in Abbott outside of the International Dome of Kerla where the Union just played Wella. This was not a very exciting game as the Union tied Wella 0-0. Of course there was no scoring and watching my grandmother sit and do nothing was more exciting then this game. Well the defense as always was great as goalie John Middleton got his 4th shutout. The bad part is that NOBODY scored any goals. It is rumored that an insane man was trying to run naked during the game but the streaker was caught before and sentanced to 80 years in the Happy Acres House for People Who are a Little Wierld. Well the defense was awarded a prize by late nite personality Jay Creno for "making the game very boring." Head coach Jim Young accepted this award and said that he was proud of his man that the game was boring because they played good defense.

Bedistan

03-04-2004, 05:14

Scene: Visitors' locker room, Norah Jones International Stadium, Avenging Altos. An exasperated manager Johnny Lewis is giving the usual match debriefing.

Lewis: Okay, so earplugs don't work either. Scratch that off the list, Doc.

Striker Gil Vu, list in one hand and pencil in the other, dutifully scratches something off the list.

McGarity: I think I know exactly what this is.

Lewis: What?

McGarity: You remember back when Tanah Burung had what they called the "Curse of Lemmington"? Every time they faced Lemmitania, they always lost or something.

Lewis: Yeah, I seem to recall something like that.

McGarity: Well, obviously, we have some similar curse. I mean, look at it. We've played the Altos what, four times now? We've been ranked significantly higher all four times. And yet we've failed to defeat them once, home or away.

Saravia: You might be on to something, Morris.

McGarity: I just can't find any other explanation for it.

Lewis: *sigh* I don't know. All I know is, we can't keep dwelling on this. We have Iansisle and Dennisov to worry about now.

Hancey: Especially Dennisov. We're only ahead of 'em on goal difference now.

Lewis: Thankfully it's a home game, but it's probably the most important match of the qualifiers for us.

Fukushima: Well, we'll burn that bridge when we get there. Let's head out for Iansisle and worry about them for right now.

Neighbors: Hey, Doc, do you have "rip out vocal chords" on the list yet?

Vu: Say, that is a good idea...

---------------------

Final score:
Avenging Altos 1
Bedistan 1 (Vu 40)

Bedistan's record against AA: 0-2-2

Melmond

03-04-2004, 05:30

Not Yet Ready for Primetime
Fearless Farmers Lose a Squeaker vs. rival Svecia
By Jay Ununne of the Unne Sun Times

UNNE, MELMOND—The three most important games in the short history of the Melmond National Teams was almost an absolute bust. At least two wins were needed against the likes of Kingsford, Stalag 5, and today’s opponent Svecia. However, the Fearless Farmers came away with no wins, losing to Kingsford and only tying Stalag 5. It was clear in this rematch against Svecia that the Fearless Farmers have improved greatly from their first game ever, a 4-nil drubbing at the hand of the Svecians. However, the experienced Svecia side proved to the Melmondians that although they have gotten better, they are not ready to be a competitor in this qualifying go around.
It was an overcast yet humid day. Some raindrops were falling, however due to the gazebo roof of the unique Unne Sports Temple, none of the players or 45,000 fans could feel the drops. However, some Svecians players could feel the drops of ice cubes and miniwongs as a group of five fans were taunting them for the Svecian jamming signal scandal. I suppose that some numbskull fans even ignore signs telling them not to do stupid things. Needless to say they were ejected from the building. So therefore a sold out crowd of 44,995 was able to see the kickoff on this humid afternoon.
The game got off to a rather rough start from both sides, possibly feeling the animosity set off by the scandal. At the fifth minute, midfielder Critandi Unne was tackled from behind by Svecian midfielder Mikael Solkjaer, who got a yellow card for that effort. Melmond midfielder Martin Goodwin makes a skilled free kick which went over the Svecian wall. Melmond striker Chris Owen was ready to head the ball in but just in time Piet van Meer makes a diving catch.
Ten minutes later, the Fearless Farmers counter with their own overly aggressive strike as Paul “Edgy” Shields made a late tackle on Svecian striker Francisco Carati. Shields receives a yellow card of his own. However, this foul was more costly as it was in the goalkeeper’s box. Carati earned a penalty kick. He makes a solid shot, but Melmond goalkeeper Cory Yankovic guesses right and makes a spectacular save! Both team escape close calls and the game is still scoreless.
The first half was completely scoreless as the majority of the first half was interplay between the Svecian offence and the more physical Melmond lineup of defenders and midfielders. Starters in this more defensive minded lineup: Scott Cheney, Phael Survigosis, and David Bixler; were able to keep the Svecian strikers at bay.
The second half in contrast was a much more wide open affair. The Svecian midfield made some nifty moves to get around the hard charging Melmond defenders to find an open Hanan Belagt. Every time Belagt got the ball, he was jeered and pelted with insults like “watch out for that patch of ice!” and the old standby “klutz!” Belagt shoots a rather high shot which looked as if it was going straight over the bar. However, Cory Yankovic made an effort to catch the ball, the ball going out of bounds after touching her fingertips. Svecia earns a corner. On the corner, Cory Yankovic was able to punch the ball away. However, her aim wasn’t that good as Karl Mayha was Johnny on the spot and scores on an unprepared Yankovic. A goal for Svecia at the 48th minute.
The Fearless Farmers faithful had an air of malaise after the goal, thinking that we were going to choke again when we played close with a good team. However, by the 62nd minute, the crowd got a much needed uplifting. Martin Goodwin, taking a midfield cross and finding that Svecian goalkeeper Piet van Meer was on the other side of the field, takes a long and opportune shot which was out of van Meer’s grasp and into the net. The crowd went wild as all were surprised except Goodwin himself. The Melmond captain ties the game 1-1 and the crowd regains its spark.
However at the 71st minute, all it took was a Carati kick for the Fearless Farmers hopes to break like a block of wood. Francisco Carati was able to run past Scott Cheney and receive an Olaf Swach pass in which he was able to put past Yankovic. Svecia regains the lead 2-1 and it will stay that way for the rest of the game.
The falling rain may have not literally hit the Melmond National Team’s bodies, but their collective psyche was weathering a rain storm. Three all important games and only coming up with one point was a major disappointment and demoralizer for the team. However for the Fearless Farmers, a moralizing game is coming up against newbie weaklings Skipdonia, a perfect time to pick up the morale.

Goals
Mayha, SVE 48th
Goodwin, MEL 62nd
Carati, SVE 71st

Cards
Solkjaer, SVE 5th
Shields, MEL 15th

Standings

Other Group 1 Results
Alpha Commune 1 – Skipdonia 0
Kingsford 1 – Stalag 5 1
Raptor Claw 0 – BSE Free Bovines 0
Ravenspire 0 – Tanah Burung 0

[code:1:e449e4c3db]Group 1
Pts W D L GF:GA GD
1. Tanah Burung 24 8 0 2 20: 4 16
2. Ravenspire 21 7 0 3 17: 8 9
3. Svecia 20 6 2 2 15: 4 11
4. Kingsford 18 5 3 2 12: 6 6
5. Stalag 5 16 4 4 2 12:11 1
6. Melmond 11 3 2 5 7:15 -8
7. Skipdonia 9 3 0 7 4:12 -8
8. BSE Free Bovines 7 1 4 5 7:14 -7
9. Raptor Claw 7 1 4 5 5:15 -10
10.Alpha Commune 6 1 3 6 3:13 -10 [/code:1:e449e4c3db]

Melmond Team Stats
Goals: Critandi Unne (3), Chris Owen (1), Diallo Unne (1), Camui Arai (1), Martin Goodwin (1)
Cards: Cristina Antunez (2), Nina Steen (1), Jonsi Torrini (1), Paul “Edgy” Shields (1)

Melmond National Team Schedule

@ Svecia L 4-0
v Skipdonia (Farmers Field, Melmond City) W 1-0
@ Tanah Burung L 2-0
v BSE Free Bovines (Lifedonations Stadium, Morales) W 1-0
@ Raptor Claw W 2-1
v Ravenspire (Microcosm Stadium, Aldi) L 2-0
@ Alpha Commune T 1-1
@ Kingsford L 2-0
v Stalag 5 (Walladome, Acosta) T 1-1
v Svecia (Unne Sports Temple, Unne) L 2-1
@ Skipdonia
v Tanah Burung (Xpress Counsel Field, Cali)
@ BSE Free Bovines
v Raptor Claw (Woocat Books Ballpark, O’Connor)
@ Ravenspire
v Alpha Commune (MPNK Stadium, Faasen)
v Kingsford (TBA)
@ Stalag 5

Next Game
at Skipdonia

This is the perfect match for a demoralized Melmond side, playing the declining and unremarkable Skipdonia team. To get an idea how bad the Skipdonians are getting, they recently lost to Alpha Commune, a team obsessed with tying games! This may be in Skipdonia’s home field, but Melmond knows how to play on the road against fellow newcomers, so far not losing a game to a newcomer. Let’s hope this isn’t a jinx. Nina Steen makes her much needed return and Manager Felix Coostatlwak returns to his original starting lineup.

GK- Cory Yankovic
D- Jonsi Torrini
D- Sergio Ortiz
D- Paul “Edgy” Shields
D- Nina Steen
M- Martin Goodwin
M- Critandi Unne
M- Camui Arai
M- Cristina Antunez
F- Chris Owen
F- Benjamin Leeb

For tickets to Skipdonia and the games call Therewegoes Travel Agency at 3-18-357-9009. Skipdonia has excellent weather and beaches. Otherwise it is one dull place. So enjoy the beach and game and skip everything else in Skipdonia.

Spaam

03-04-2004, 06:39

United Spaam Sports Weekly

The Infamous Magazine Returns In Colour!

Spaam And Kaze In Intense Draw

http://www.nationstates.net/images/flags/uploads/spaam.jpg VS http://www.nationstates.net/images/flags/guyana--64.jpg

Both Spaam and the sports mad community of Kaze Progressa had come off good wins in their previous matches, Spaam with a 5-0 away win over
Pablitopia, and Kaze with a 2-0 home win over West Gaddland. Thus Kaze had the home advantange, which would be the crucial factor in the match.
Spaam fielded a relatively safe team, with Lûin, Eromleb, and Olisade in attack, Súrion, Pantel, Rasa, and Sibik in midfield, and Súrion, Zevlak, and
Klos in defense, with Alátari Súrion playing her 10th straight game as keeper. Kaze's starting lineup included Weseydal, Mayalta, and Lubbarez
in attack, Lainwiay, Owa, Ramatta, and Sharwin in midfield, and Rarrli, Winasoa, and Cotaga in defense, with Entolibo as keeper.

Kaze played off its home advantage early in the match, pressuring the Spaamanian defense with a relentless crowd backed attack, that produced
a few chances early on. Alátari Súrion and the defense had their work cut out for them, with Kaze contiually attacking the goal. The Spaamanian
defense held up admirably, but after half an hour, and with very little possession of the ball, someting had to crack. In the 31st minute, Kaze
forced a corner, taken by Owa, which was headed in by Lubbarez, past an overloaded Alátari Súrion. With a one nil home lead, the Progressans
continued to ride the wave of momentum, and though they had almost two thirds of possession, they were unable to break through the stubborn
defense of the Spaamanians.

After the break, Spaam took control of the ball at the very start and held it, managing to break cleanly through the Progressan defense in the 47th
minute thanks to a nice Eromleb run, who easily beat Entolibo and a defender. With the equaliser now on the board, the Spaamanians tried to
push for another, but Kaze upped up its intensity, which provided a lot of great football in the second half. Tempers flared, and finally reached
boiling point, when Sibik reacted badly to a Ramatta tackle, resulting in both players to be sent off in the 73rd minute. The captains on both side
calmed their respective teams down after this incident, whic resulted in a very relaxed last 15 minutes of the game. However, no more goals were
scored, and the game ended in a draw.

Kaze Progressa 1
(Lubbarez 31)
Spaam 1
(Eromleb 47)

Kaze Progressa To Field Mutants

In a bid to improve their lagging performance, Kaze Progressa have decided to field the mutants that roam on the surface of their
post-holocaustic nation in their future matches. The mutants, who look remarkably like the not-late-enough Alan Belmore, seem to show some
promise in football, unlike the real deal, who is still yet to score a goal for his new nation, Aerigia. In any case, Spaam is glad they have already
played Kaze Progressa, as it seems the mutants have a taste for human flesh. This should be good....

Matchday Ten Review

There were few suprises in this round, and no big wins. Alex The Tall prevailed over the still goalless Aerigia with a 1-0 home win. Gaddland
continued its unbeaten streak over Oglethorpia, with a scoreless draw at home, though it was a game they needed to win. Pablitopia failed to score
at home against Runaway Moose, who emerged with a much needed 1-0 away win. Finally, Praying2God had the biggest win of the round, downing
West Gaddland at home, 2-0.

Spaam's and Oglethorpia's draws kept them equal at the top of the table on 21 points, but allowed the other teams to catch up. Alex The Tall and
Runaway Moose are equal 3rd on 19 points, with Praying2God one point behind completing the three way fight for the third qualifying spot. Kaze
Progressa is 6th on 16 points, but still in the race, though they need to make sure that they win all of their next matches. Gaddland is still
mathematically in it, but look unlikely to improve on their position, 7th on 12 points. The were no changes at the bottom of the table, West Gaddland
and Pablitopia equal 8th on 4 points, with last placed Aerigia one point behind.

[code:1:a0776f73b2]Group 9 P W D L F A GD Pts
Spaam 10 6 3 1 20 7 +9 21
Oglethorpia 10 6 3 1 13 4 +13 21
Alex The Tall 10 6 4 1 16 9 +7 19
Runaway Moose 10 6 1 3 17 11 +6 19
Praying2God 10 5 3 2 16 8 +8 18
Kaze Progressa 10 4 4 2 15 8 +7 16
Gaddland 10 3 3 4 8 10 -2 12
West Gaddland 10 1 1 8 3 18 -15 4
Pablitopia 10 1 1 8 4 23 -19 4
Aerigia 10 0 3 7 0 14 -14 3
[/code:1:a0776f73b2]

Matchday Eleven Preview

http://www.nationstates.net/images/flags/uploads/spaam.jpg VS http://www.nationstates.net/images/flags/united_states--56.jpg

Spaam will be hosting Praying2God in Allasea, and are hoping for a win, which they desperately need to keep their qualifying chances alive. The
last meeting between these two teams saw Spaam come away with an away win, but the visiting side will be looking for revenge, and have just
come off a strong 2 goals to nil win over West Gaddland. Spaam's home record is slightly worse than its away record this qualifying season, but
they will be looking on improving that run.

STD Continue To Produce

Home______________ Away______________
http://www.ug.cs.usyd.edu.au/~jedrake/slavih.jpg http://www.ug.cs.usyd.edu.au/~jedrake/slavia.jpg

STD (Spaamanian Transnational Designs) have just released their designs for the new Audioslavia national team uniform. STD are still taking
requests for national team uniform designs. If you want an STD uniform, TG the editor of this magazine.

(OOC: AS, please copy these uniforms somewhere quickly, and tell me when you have done it.)

Spaam's Qualifying Run So Far

[code:1:a0776f73b2]W: Spaam 2 Kaze Progressa 1
W: Praying2God 1 Spaam 2
W: Spaam 1 Gaddland 0
D: Aerigia 0 Spaam 0
L: Spaam 0 Oglethorpia 1
W: West Gaddland 0 Spaam 4
D: Spaam 1 Alex The Tall 1
W: Spaam 4 Runaway Moose 2
W: Pablitopia 0 Spaam 5
D: Kaze Progressa 1 Spaam 1
[/code:1:a0776f73b2]

[code:1:a0776f73b2]No Name P G Avge
[2] Meren Lûin 10 9 0.90
[1] Nala Eromleb 7 5 0.72
[6] Eman Olisade 8 4 0.50
[12] Zarí Karskí 5 1 0.20
[7] Maddi Elrik 8 1 0.13
[/code:1:a0776f73b2]

[code:1:a0776f73b2]No Name P G Avge
[3] Alátari Súrion 10 7 0.70
[/code:1:a0776f73b2]

Liverpool England

03-04-2004, 07:20

Monsieur Prime Minister,
I thank you for your challenge. However, I must decline due to the fact that with elections in the nation having just concluded, and I having been reelected by only 0.4% of the vote, me seen wearing an Eauz jersey will not help in the next election.
Dave Goh
President
Liverpool England

Decaltré Jomans catches up on Liverpool England 3 The Redavic Union 1 and Liverpool England 0 Just an egg 0

We go on a four-day print break, and two matches are played. One ended in confusion afterthe score was reported as 9-9, when only four goals were scored, not 18. Kof Hadji proved to be a new Paul Dussis in the making, scoring a brace and assisting Kelvin KΣσ johnson with the fourth goal.

In the other match which was ruined by a nation-wide power outage, the team played under only spotlights powered by high-tech generators at the new 106 000 seater National Stadium in CCL, but failed to produce the goods.

FULL TIMES
Liverpool England 3; 0 [Kof Hadji 4, 67, Johnson 72]
The Redavic Union; Just an egg 0; 0 [<player 4> 78]

Oglethorpia

03-04-2004, 07:32

OOC:

Watch this. I'm gunna say something.

I'll RP in the next hour or two.

(Not gunna happen, most likely.)

Giant Zucchini

03-04-2004, 09:03

NEWSFLASH:

Giant Zucchini continues its qualifying rampage, rampaging through Lennon Marx 4-0 and Crystilakere 3-0. Plaat once again has established himself as a competent goalkeeper, while Phoot is still desperate for his 1st team place back.

Tadjikistan

03-04-2004, 09:35

Tadjikistan stunts in East Spaam

It was a special day in East Spaam today, not of the locals though. Tadjikistan was to play its 11th match against East Spaam, the last match against them was lost with only one goal (0-1). Again Tadjikistan showed it had learned from its previous encounter and did not allow the opponent to outclass them. Coach Isserson again experimented with the players on the flanks, adding Biriuzov, Terekhin on the midfield and Purkayev, Kravchenko to the defense.

The team started well by mounting a couple of attacks, each time over the flank, but the attackers failed to use the assists properly, at that point East Spaam tried to block the flanks. East Spaam then made its attempt to score, but they to could not finish off their opponent in the first half.

The second half started with an early run over the right flank by Kravchenko who passed it to Cherniakhovskij. Cherniakhovskij slipped trough the offside-trap and scored the 1-0 for Tadjikistan. Altough Tadjikistan brought only 6000 supporters they cheered as if there were 60.000 . Neither team could do anything in the rest of the second half and for the second time in the qualifications Tadjikistan won a match.

If i did not have to write this story i would be celebrating with the thousands of fans in the streets of Dushanbe, Tadjikistan is becoming a revelation, atleast in this group. And many fans believe that the team can win from every opponent it has play against in the future.

If Tadjikistan draws or wins in the next match it can secure its position in the group, offcourse a win would be better than a draw, it will be up to our players to give us a good result. This reporter will be there tommorrow when our team plays its next match, and maybe its 3rd victory?

Lovebug

03-04-2004, 09:41

LOVEBUG TOURNAMENT PAGE

(March 21, 2004) Well this will be the first World Cup for Lovebug, and despite the fact that we have been placed in a group with 6 out of ten competitors having world ranks - do not think we are discouraged. In fact my team embraces the opportunity to face such high quality opponents. Don't underestimate us though, even though we are new to this tournament our team has been playing together practically since they could walk! We look forward to our first match up with Snub Nose 38, (TBF - you must have misread the list, although we are thoroughly flattered by your complement, but remember we have skill in addition to great looks, and look forward to seeing you in round 3). You will find our roster list posted on the appropriate thread, any changes to the line up do to injury etc. will be posted as soon as they are available.
(April 2, 2004) - Apparently, it will be better for me to post new updates everyday instead of just editing my original post, so thats what I'm going to do from now on.
(April 3, 2004) - Here is a picture of our mascot - Lovebug herself! :D

http://www.nationstates.net/images/flags/uploads/lovebug.jpg

The Group and Rankings

[code:1:43c71b4685]

Group 5
Pts W D L GF:GA GD
1. Snub Nose 38 31 10 1 0 24: 3 21
2. Warnocks Wizards 21 6 3 2 9: 3 6
3. The Lowland Clans 18 6 0 5 17: 7 10
4. Dance 2 Revolution 18 4 6 1 7: 2 5
5. Lovisa 17 5 2 4 8: 9 -1
6. The Belmore Family 15 5 3 3 7: 7 0
7. Lovebug 11 3 2 6 9:16 -7
8. Aserjin 8 1 5 5 3:11 -8
9. Compound Interest 5 1 2 8 5:18 -13
10.Vilita 5 1 2 8 3:16 -13
The Belmore Family was deducted 3 points
[/code:1:43c71b4685]

Here is the Schedule where you can see us...

Round One at home against Snub Nose 38 - Lovebug (0) - Snub Nose 38 (4), Well it seems that the team was not as prepared as it should have been for this match up as it should have been, we will be having extra practices, and going over game films to prepare for the next match up.
Round Two away at Warnocks Wizards - Lovebug (0) - Warnocks Wizards (0), I want to congratulate the team on successfully defending against the Wizards, this is a step in the right direction, now all we have to do is work on our scoring. :D
Round Three at home against The Belmore Family - We are deeply saddened by the forced forfeit by the Belmore Family after the assassination of their leader, we wish them luck in this time of great sadness, in honor of their loss a moment of silence was held in Lovebug today. We will see you in round 12.
Round Four at home against Vilita - Lovebug (1) - Vilita (0) -Yeah, I couldn't be prouder of the teams first real win here at the World Cup. It was touch and go there, but we pulled it out with a Victory. The team enjoyed the victory party before, getting on the team jet for the trip to play Dance 2 Revolution Saturday morning, several members of my advisory staff will be there in person and I will be watching on LNST (Lovebug National Sports TV), I wish I could be there in person but I must be here in Lovebug to announce the birth of 600 millionth citizen. Our World cup standing is currently a tie for 3rd place with the Wizards and Dance 2 Revolution with 7 WC points.
Round Five away at Dance 2 Revolution - Well it was a hard loss on the road, we fell to the Revolution 3-0. The team was greeted with cheers, despite the loss, as they returned home this afternoon, and headed straight for the training fields to practice for tommorows battle against Lovisa, currently they are in 7th place two spots behind us in the regional rankings and 3 spots behind us in the overall (we are 54th, they are 57th). They too are just coming off a loss against the Wizards, so we should be on equal footing. We look forward to a good match tommorow.
Round Six at home against Lovisa - Another loss today as the team allowed Lovisa to score a goal in the final minute of gameplay, after holding them to a 0-0 tie for the entirety of the game.
Round Seven away against Compound Interest - YAHOO! Our biggest win to date (Lovebug - 4, CI - 0). A feast is going to be held in honor of the team here at the palace tonight to celebrate this great victory!
Round Eight at home against Aserjin - It was no one's game until the first 5 minutes of the second half when we finally scored, and we were able to hold on until to the final minute when Aserjin tied it up, unfortunately there was not enough time left on the clock to make another play. Final score was (Lovebug 1 - Aserjin 1 (Damn these no overtime games - but heck I guess it wasn't as bad as a loss)). Tonight the team will head out for a morning match up with the The Lowland Clans (in the SGN region) we will see if our Bulldogs can round up their sheep :D, keep them from scoring boys they only have 1 point more in the standings so it should be a good matchup. Tommorow we will hit the half way point of the competition.
Round Nine away at the The Lowland Clans - BEEEEP, BEEEP...... The following is a message from the NSIWS (Nation States International Weather Service). The games of the WC 13 football tournament have been delayed indefinately do to rains here in Nation States. As soon as the rains have stopped, the games will continue. THIS has been a message from the NSIWS..................................... It is Thursday, April 1st, just after midnight - after the game delay yesterday my advisors and I decided to make the trip out to The Lowands to support our Bulldogs. I was awoke suddenly, one of my close advisors had unthinkable news to tell me, a tidal wave a hit the islands of Chesapeaqua, Chesterfields, Cynthovia, Jeanovia, the Isle of Butterflies, and Beltsvilla - six of the major islands in the Lovebug Archipelago - preliminary numbers of casualties were extremely high, approximately 5 million citizens were estimated to have survived this tragedy. I immediately began trying to contact anyone I possibly could at home, there was no safe way to turn the plane around or anywhere to land. I was never able to get through, the phone lines were obviously taken out by the storm that started the tidal wave. I spent hours agonizing over what I could do, what I would say to my country men when I returned, my advisors and I began working on plans for rebuilding, we toiled for hours. It was nearly daybreak when a message came by fax, it read.... From: Max Barry.... To: Leaders of NationStates.... HAHA, April FOOLS!!!!! Your population's are safe and sound, and have been returned to normal.... Thank God, this was a false alarm, but for future events at least we will be prepared to deal with natural disasters of massive proportions........... In other news, Lovebug suffered yet another loss at the hands of the Clan, (The Lowland Clans 3 - Lovebug 0). The Clan started strong scoring a goal in the first 5 minutes of play. We held on strong for the next 30 minutes making 4 strong attempts at the goal, each one missing only by an inch or so. The Clan then got two quick goals, apparently crushing the teams spirit, we only made one attempt at the goal afterwards. Tommorow we play our first game in the second half of play, we are away at Snub Nose 38. I will be in attendance at the match. Hopefully, the team will not fair to horriby against this powerhouse.
Round Ten away at Snub Nose 38 - Well, we are here in Snub Nose again for the first game in the second half of WC 13. Well, the good news is we improved our perfomance over the last battle (we lost last time 4-0). The bad news is we still lost the match up 3-0. The Bulldogs started strong making the first two attempts at the goal in the game, both were deflected by Snub's goalie though. Snub Nose scored on their next trip down the field getting the early lead. We held them off for a while so it wasn't until after the second half that they scored again. After that we only made a couple attempts at their goal but it was all for naught and they finished us off in the last few minutes scoring their last goal on a penalty kick. The team and I headed home for tommorow's match up againt the Wizards - hopefully we have a shot for victory because we ended the last match up with a 0-0 tie. This is all for now - Queen ShyButterfly for LNSNN (Lovebug National Sports News Network).
Round Elven at home against Warnocks Wizards - Stay Tuned for a LNSNN REPORT....It was a back and forth battle to the very end. Each team working hard to make it down the field only to be denied a score by the other's outstanding defending and the prowess of the goalie's. It looked as if the game would end in another 0-0 tie as we came to the last minute and a half of play...The coach of the Bulldogs told his team "Whatever you do DON'T FOUL", and of course 30 seconds on the field and what happened - we fouled THEIR BEST PLAYER.....all the Lovebug's fans held their breath as they awaited the shot. The coach and team closed their eyes and awaited the boos or the cheers. Boooo, Hissss, Boooo...... NOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!! The Wizards player squeaked in a sharp kick to the right. The team returned to the field but the clock ran out a few seconds later and they no opportunity to retaliate. The final score Lovebug 0 - Warnocks Wizards 1. Lovebug now stands 3-2-6 in 11 matchups. Tonight the team heads of to play TBF, last time they had to forfeit, so we don't really know how we will fair against this team - TBF stands 5-3-3 in previous gameplay. With seven matchups left the best the team can end up is 10-2-6, our prediction 6-2-10. This has been a LNSNN report.
Round Twelve away at The Belmore Family
Round Thirteen away at Vilita
Round Fourteen at home against Dance 2 Revolution
Round Fifteen away at Lovisa
Round Sixteen against Compund Interest
Round Seventeen away at Aserjin
Round Eighteen at home against The Lowland Clans

Rejistania

03-04-2004, 09:42

Lovebug, could you perhaps only post the current RP and not append everything into one big posting? TIA!

Lovebug

03-04-2004, 10:17

Spaam

03-04-2004, 10:27

Well, only your latest addition is gonna be counted, so anything else you write is pointless.

Dance 2 Revolution

03-04-2004, 11:12

*It is the 81st minute of Dance 2 Revolution - The Lowland Clans, The score is 0-0. It is outside Dead End Stadium*

*A hole is seen, the cameraman climbs down the whole. It leads to underneath the stadium. 2 men of Everybody Dies origin are seen in the hole*

10891: Good, it's still 0-0.
9754: And we're gonna make it stay this way, huh?
10891: Yep.
9754: Why don't we just see if the match end's 0-0, there is no point in doing what we are planning if it is going to end 0-0 anyway.

*10891 looks at his mini TV. Lowland Clans miss by 1 inch*

10891: I don't want to risk the record not going to D2R, so im going to blow up the match and getting it stopped.
9754: OK, OK. But you DON'T want them to qualify?
10891: No.
9754: Why?
10891: The Dance 2 Revolutionaryan Government will not let Everybody Dies join the World Cup Competitions. They are just scared that we will be better than them. But I do want them to be in the record books, a 0-0 draw record is not a very nice record to hold.
9754: Alright then. You got the TDE?
10891: It's already set...should be going off any second now...
9754: But...
10891: ANY SECOND NOW!
9754: Won't it kill us?
10891: Oh...

*The camera goes to blimp view of the stadium, the centre circle blows up...The explosion forces the ball past the Clanian goalkeeper. D2R score their first goal in 540 minutes in the 90th minute*

*The Final Whistle goes*

End Note:

Nobody was hurt in the making of this RP....except the 2 people from Everybody Dies, who suffered severe cases of death...and the cameraman...who was cut and bruised...to death

Compound interest

03-04-2004, 12:19

The Profit City Times:

Communist protest overshadow match against the Belmore Family
The match between the Interestian Nationals and the Alan Belmores from the Belmore Family was overshadowd by protests of unorganized protestors, apparently only united because they share the same ideas of communism or at least social democracy. A group of Belmorian fans joined the protest and joined in into the anti-capitalist chants. The police couldn't do anything than asking to stop since protest are not illegal in Compound Interest. An activist, only gives his name as 'Nina' told a reporter: "We need a better government, it can't be that our political rights are limited to voting for one of the puppets of corporations. Saint Alan Belmore from Alan City was killed by capitalists, Capitalism kills, abolish it!" Despite this match being nearly a home match for the Belmorians, they could not get past the CIan defense until the 79th minute. After that, the young forward who was listed in the records as J*rgen Sparwasser until the error was cleared, shattered the hopes of a draw in the battle between the political systems. The real name of the forward was not Sparwasser but Belmore, but that error was discovered after the match. It is said that messing up the rosters of both teams in the computer belonged to the protests. All persons who could have done that were fired.

Jeruselem

03-04-2004, 13:39

Jeruselem Government News

Crusaders route Republican Army on their way to 3rd place

The Jeruselem Crusaders put The Republican Army to the sword in a soccer slaughter smashing them 4-0 to claim 3rd place while Lemmitania stumbled against Creedence Clearwater 1-0. Squornshelous and Antaeus Rising scored wins to march on.

The Republican Army fans left the game in disbelief as the Jeruselem Crusaders ran riot putting four past their blameless keeper. It was vintage Jeruselem starting attacks from the midfield and peppering the RA goal from long range and corners. The RA defense was breached in the 1st minute when Jones fired from metres over the RA keeper out of his goal. Mimmi Goldstein headed home a goal from a corner in the 25th to make it 2-0.

In the 67 minute, David Becks fired home a classic curling free kick with a assistance of a RA deflection. To put the nail in the coffin, Ramon Arafat scored his first ever goal in the 85th with great skill running past a dejected RA defense.

Crusader planning session
http://gbgm-umc.org/umw/bible/images/stlouis2.jpg

Group 7: Haraki 0 Squornshelous 1
Group 7: Jaegermeistria 0 Grand master Mark 3
Group 7: Lemmitania 0 Creedence Clearwater 1
Group 7: New Cyprus 0 Antaeus Rising 3
Group 7: The Republican Army 0 Jeruselem 4

[code:1:814dcb62a9]

Group 7
Pts W D L GF:GA GD
1. Squornshelous 27 8 3 0 18: 3 15
2. Antaeus Rising 24 7 3 1 16: 4 12
3. Jeruselem 23 7 2 2 21:13 8
4. Lemmitania 22 6 4 1 18: 5 13
5. Creedence Clearwater 20 6 2 3 18:10 8
6. Grand master Mark 16 5 1 5 12:11 1
7. The Republican Army 12 4 0 7 8:16 -8
8. Haraki 6 1 3 7 3:18 -15
9. Jaegermeistria 5 1 2 8 4:17 -13
10.New Cyprus 0 0 0 11 2:23 -21
[/code:1:814dcb62a9]

OOC

FA Cup semi Manchester United 1 Arsenal 0

Snub Nose 38

03-04-2004, 14:02

It is actually easier for me to do it this way. Mine isn't any bigger than other peoples, and I have already changed the way I was posting once, I don't see why I should have to do that again. I honestly don't see why this is going to be a problem. I only post it once a day and then I edit on that day... I haven't taken up nearly as much space as other people so give me some slack here....Lovebug: If your postings are limited to edits to an old post no one will get to read them. And, they're interesting. Most of us don't have time to go back and read the whole thread - we just read what's been posted after our own last post, to keep up.

So, really, when we ask you to post each post individually, it's kind of a compliment - means we want to read what you write.

If you want to keep it all in one post, do what I do sometimes. Do the individual posts as we go - and then go back and update your post for yourself.

Snub Nose 38

03-04-2004, 14:07

Ministry of Athletics, Olympics, and Alcoholic Beverages Announcement

There will be an actual written description of some kind regarding the latest Hooligans qualifying match vs Vilita issued by the Ministry in the very near future.

...really...

Bedistan

03-04-2004, 14:59

The Bedistan Sports Digest

Vengeance
Iansisle now on the wrong end of a 1-0 against the Lions

IANSISLE -- We all remember that fateful day in Brazillico seven years ago, when Bedistan and Iansisle faced off in the quarterfinals of the Harmony Cup. Iansisle would go on to be the winners of that match by the score of 1-0 due to a very late Ians goal.

Now, it's payback time.

The Lions came out fighting, and they fought hard. A little too hard, in fact. Midfielder Jerome Roose received an early yellow for a mistimed tackle on an Iansisle striker causing him to fall flat on his face. The free kick was close enough to the goal that it could've gone in easily -- if Tabitha Fukushima hadn't done what she does best.

The teams came out of the halftime break still deadlocked at zero, but the second half ended up being even rougher than the first. We're not certain what the Lions had for breakfast this morning, but we'll try to get the scoop from manager Johnny Lewis. At any rate, striker Karen Neighbors roughly shoved aside two Iansisle defenders in rapid succession, and the referee decided it was bad enough to give her her marching orders. Lewis does not like having only one player up front, so at this point he subbed out Rosalinda Heidelberg in favor of Trent Cea, making a 4-3-2 formation.

His decision to put in Cea would be a good one. An eleventh-hour shot from Gil Vu was deflected by the Iansisle keeper, but Cea was in the right place at the right time, and he easily put the ball back on course and into the net. As the final whistle blew, the Bedistani supporters cheered wildly.

Final score:
Iansisle 0
Bedistan 1 [Cea 88, Neighbors sent off 57]

Dennish and Audioslavian wins mean that Bedistan remains in second place, and since Dennisov won 2-0, they have gotten just a bit closer, but they still trail by four units of goal difference.

Audioslavia

03-04-2004, 15:00

DUM DUM DUMMM

Jane: Good evening, and welcome to Channel one news, with me, Jane Centremiss,

Jeremy: ..and me, Jeremy Jaffacake

Jane: Our main news today:

BADUM

Jane: Audioslavian kids are now 0.43% more likely to scuff their trainers than last year, says Kaze Progressan statistician

BADUM

Jeremy: 'I'm gonna kill you motherf*cker' says Insanician madman

BADUM

Jane: Bob Motherf*cker, 54, was killed on holiday in TnUI

Jeremy: But first Jane, lets have a quick look forward to tonights Audioslavia - Avenging Altos game, and some controversy with some Alto protesters, lets go outside to our sports correspondent, Malcom McVities

Malcom in the rain outside the SNA in Soundgardia: Thanks Jeremy, well, as you can see the few Altoists that have travelled to Audioslavia for the game are all protesting outside the ground, holding signs saying 'GODMOD', 'ASHOLES!' and also, 'THE ONLY PERSON THAT CAN HIT A NOTE ABOVE TOP C IS MATT BELLAMY YOU GODMODDING MOTHERF*CKERS!'. Earlier today, i spoke to some of these outraged altoists

'Avenging Angels' by scouse brit-pop also-rans 'Space' is heard playing in the background, the screen cuts to an Avenging Altoist, sticking his head out of the window of his Suzuki Alto, with an 'Alto Ntowers' t-shirt on

Altoist: Yeah, a while back these guys claimed to be able to sing three octaves above middle C, and thats IMPOSSIBLE, i am absoloutely outraged at the prospect that these godmodders can get away with such a thing!

Malcom: Well, it seems that the AA are quite miffed, as that car was missing a rear tail-light, but also, the Avenging Altos are quite miffed at three of our WC12 World Cup side, who claimed to be able to sing in a harmony way out of their vocal range. Team captain and manager Lee Branson is one of the culprits, along with midfield ace Jackie Croft, and Cornellby winger Paul Ward, who is no longer in the national team. Back to you Jeremy.

Jeremy: Thanks Malcom, well we're just about to go over to a press conference being held in Soundgardia, over there we have Zack De La Rocha, Zack, whats going on?

Zack: Yo muthaf*cka, well these people are being refused their right to..... hey dude the conference is just starting, lets listen in...

Lee, Jack and Paul enter, looking slightly bemused, and sit behind a desk a little raised off the floor.

Lee: We've arranged this press conference to kind of... set the record straight as it were...

Paul: Well, not so much to set the record straight, but were just gonna prove all you people wrong

Lee whispering: dude! i told you i was gonna do the talking!

Paul whispering: shh dude, its ok, ive got it covered

Lee: ok man.. take it away Paul...

Paul: Well, as you know, we claimed three years ago to be able to sing in a harmony, whereby the notes we struck were three octaves above middle C. Although this is not impossible as fans of Muse and The Darkness will find out...

Lee interupting: Fans of The Darkness should leave now by the way

Journo: Hey, i'm a fan of the darkness....

The room goes silent

Lee: Get the F*CK out of this building you sick f*ck!

The Journo leaves, weeping into his Motorhead t-shirt which he bought from Top Man

Lee: Anyway, go on Paul

Paul: Well yeah, its very improbable that anyone like us could sing three octaves above middle C... but we have an excuse which is gonna kick all your asses

Lee: Tell 'em Steve Dave!

Paul: stop saying that! anyway, its a bit of a scientific explanation. Basically, every sound that is made anywhere in the world emits a sound exactly five steps above it, and a sound an octave above it, called a 'harmonic'. Basically, every note you hear will have a fifth note above it which is very quiet, then an octave note which is even quieter, then another fifth note which is quieter still, then an octave note and so on, forever. So, in saying that we were hitting notes three octaves above middle C, we were right, its just that the loudest notes, the most coherent notes, were at around 2 or 3, as opposed to 5 or 6. Eyethankyew.

Lee: PWND!

Lee, Paul and Jackie sprint out of the building, leaving some slightly bewildered journalists sitting there trying to figure out what the f*ck Paul just said. They all escape into the back of a mini-cab

Paul: CHEESE IT!!

The mini-cab speeds off

Lee: I dont BELIEVE you just said 'Cheese it'

Paul: Why?

Lee: I wanted to say it...

COMING SOON, THE NEWS REPORT OF THE AUDIOSLAVIA - AVENGING ALTOS!

Homages and Plagiarisms
Rough geordy bint Jane Middlemiss
KP's penchant for statistics
Kaze Progressa/Avenging Alto's disgust at my awful knowledge of vocal ranges
The TnUFBI's habitual murders of Audioslavians
TnUI's penchant for calling Audioslavians 'ASholes'
Zack De La Rocha's RATM ramblings
Zack De La Rocha's WC4 ramblings
Matt Bellamy from the brilliant rock-band 'Muse'
Justin Hawkings from the shite rock band 'The Darkness'
Motorhead shirts being sold on Top Man
Mall Rats
Jay and Silent Bob strike back
1337 5P33k
Spaced, Series 2.
Kingsford's WC11 RPs

Audioslavia

03-04-2004, 15:36

Avenged Sevenfold
'slaves on 27 points thanks to win over Altos

The Avenging Altos came into todays game fired up about the 'slaves petulant dismissal of the awful godmod they did seven years ago. A series of early attacks reigned down on the Audioslavia goal, making Jones work like hell and the the defence stretch as far as it could. Only ten minutes had passed when Lee Branson mis-timed a tackle on the AA number 8, leaving the referee no option but to hand Branson a yellow card and to award a free-kick, right on the edge of the box. The number 8 took it himself, but saw his swirling shot tipped over the bar by a sprawling Jones. The corner was just as dangerous, dipping over to the back post where the full-back let fly with a screamer which was unlucky to smack off the post and get cleared by Reid.

Audioslavia's defence tightened up as the game went on, and in the run-up to half-time, looked more like the home-team as O`Malley, Croft, Willow and Jordan set about creating some fine chances.

The breakthrough came just thirty seconds after half-time. Neeskens picked the ball up just in front of the defence and played the ball square to Carsley. Carsley beat his opposite number and chipped the ball in for Willow, who flicked the ball over a stumbling defender and raked a shot past the AA goalkeeper.

AA set about making a come-back, but more often than not their chances were wayward, and by the death they had tired to almost a stand-still, allowing the 'slaves to comfortably defend their one-goal lead.

Final Score:
Audioslavia 1 (Willow 45)
Avenging Altos 0

[code:1:245c958060]
Group 10
Pts W D L GF:GA GD
1. Audioslavia 27 9 0 2 22: 5 17
2. Bedistan 23 6 5 0 17: 4 13
3. Dennisov 23 7 2 2 16: 7 9
4. Iansisle 18 5 3 3 12: 9 3
5. Avenging Altos 17 5 2 4 20:11 9
6. NEWI Cefn Druids 15 4 3 4 11:11 0
7. Magnus Valerius 14 3 5 3 11:14 -3
8. Fahigland 7 2 1 8 3:22 -19
9. Free Radicals of Mu-Mu 6 1 3 7 5:16 -11
10.Resistencia 2 0 2 9 2:20 -18 [/code:1:245c958060]

A real gap has opened up now, after the first and second-placed sides defeated the fifth and fourth-placed sides respectively. Audioslavia have a formidable nine-point cushion between them and a place outside the qualification zone. Bedistan and Dennisov are matching each other toe-to-toe, having been level now for around three weeks. Fourth placed Iansisle's resurgence was dramatically halted by Bedistan in a dissapointing 1-0 away defeat, and they now drift five points out of the third qualification spot. In a rare turn of good news for the Druids, their well-earned three points against Resistencia has moved them to within touching distance of the two chasers, even if there is currently a whopping eight-point gap between them and the world cup. Magnus Valerius are driving on, taking a close game with Mu-Mu one-nil and staying on the Druids heels. The bottom three again stay the same, with neither Fahigland, Mu-Mu or Resistencia taking any points from the last two games.

The next round of matches sees three very interesting games. There are four noticeable 'Tiers' to group 10. Bedistan and Dennisov are in the highest one, Iansisle and AA are in the second one, The Druids and Magnus Valerius occupy the third one, and the fourth one is between the bottom three sides. With the exception of Audioslavia Vs. Mu-Mu, the next round of matches are between the two sides in each of these mini-leagues. Bedistan play host to Dennisov whom they beat 3-1 in their last meeting, Iansisle are away to Avenging Altos, looking to avenge their 3-2 home defeat last time, and Magnus Valerius are playing at NEWI Cefn Druids.

With there being 2-5 point gaps between these small groups of teams, this next round could see the group totally shook up. The Druids could take fourth if they win their game, whilst Iansisle may just be able to move back to within two points of qualification. A draw between Bedistan and Dennisov could see the 'slaves move into a six-point lead, should they beat Mu-Mu away.

In other news, Audioslavia now has a brand-spanking new strip, to replace the weathered and old-fashioned claret and green stripes.

Created by the unfortunately-named 'STD' company in Spaam, the new shirts feature Audioslavia's 'people friendly' logo (the one without the hammer and sickle), and a trendy new design. The claret is still there, but the dark green colour has been replaced by sky-blue, as a gesture of solidarity to short-time-superpower Warnocks Wizards, who seem to have been sent to coventry (ooc: Knowledge of English football-teams and English well-known-sayings needed to get that joke :))

http://www.geocities.com/lifeobrien/slavehome.txt (http://www.geocities.com/lifeobrien/slavehome.txt)
http://www.geocities.com/lifeobrien/slaveaway.txt (http://www.geocities.com/lifeobrien/slaveaway.txt)

The home design features claret shorts which blue trim, and white socks, whilst the away design features black shorts with blue trim, and blue socks.

ooc: cheers Spaam, they kick butt :)

This has been Jeremy Jaffacake, g'nite bitches

Runaway Moose

03-04-2004, 17:01

Is Coach-Free The Way To Be?

Alces Rex have been plodding along during this tournament without a coach. Several enraged fans had been calling the government cheap and insulting their national pride. Certainly, not hiring a coaching staff was saving them money. However, their match against Kaze Progressa in gameday 11 has moved them back up in the ranks of group nine, and more people are becoming believers.

"No coach would have ever done that said an avid, unnamed Alces fan. What she was referring to of course, was the sudden uproarious decision to put Optimus in the goal when their keeper came down with food poisoning. This left the fans confused and upset. Optimus has been a wonder-scorer since joining the national squad. But surely it makes sense... all those years in seclusion, MOZ must have wanted to play ball a little... and if one trains against MOZ, surely one has a keen sense as a defender, even as a keeper.
The offense managed very well without Optimus. L. Moz and Liz, who are both nearing the end of their professional (though they may still not be getting pay... no government representative was sure if that had been fixed since their return) played a spectacular game.
Optimus, when asked about his change of position and whether he was considering it permanent had this to say.
"Dunno."
When asked about his mother and the scandal over his unknown father he said, "Whaddya mean? I know who he is." He then walked away, leaving the press startled.

Snub Nose 38

03-04-2004, 17:03

*we find ourselves exposed to the elements on a wind swept plateau, facing west towards the snub nose 38 capitol city of sten. through the driving rain we notice the light is fading, and sense more than see the sun beginning to set. close by to our left is pitched a small tent. directly in front of us a figure is whirling, twisting, swaying in some mad parody of dance – and chanting both musically and loudly. the figure carries a small leather pouch that glints in the faint light, with something affixed to it, and what looks like the carcass of some animal. burgundy robe and midnight blue cape are soaked, yet the wind is so fierce they also seem to be dancing. can this be…is it…”margaret”? from the tent we hear*

- …in out of the rain.
- No! The elements are with us!
- Humbug. You’re soaking wet.
- The random number gods are listening! I must continue to supplicate them!
- You’ll catch your death of cold, is what you’ll do.
- Must continue! The match nears it’s finish!
- You’ll be nearing your finish if you don’t come out of the rain and those wet things, and put on some dry clothing.
- The Hooligans need us!
- The Hooligans will need us tomorrow, and the next day, and the next, and if you’re in Saint Swithens Hospital recovering from pneumonia…
- Ah! I see your point!
- ‘Bout time.

*margaret makes one final pass, one last flourish, then turns and skips through the rain into the tent. slowly it dawns on us that we are soaking wet, cold, and beginning to sneeze. we start walking towards the tent. a bolt of lightning strikes not thirty feet away, followed by a thunderclap. we find ourselves running helter-skelter for the tent, and congratulate our sub-conscious on it’s decision.*

*****ASPN LIVE COVERAGE OF WORLD CUP XIII*****

…soaking wet, and incredibly difficult to control. Notice that each time there’s a free kick or throw in the player wipes it off as best he can on his jersey.

Let’s have another look at the incident that lead to the Hooligan’s penalty kick and second goal.

*tape plays – we see the ghost of malicious slip the ball past one defender, and drive towards the box. another vilitian defender moves to cut off his path to the net. malicious enters the penalty area, twists left – followed by the defender – then twists right – the defender closes swiftly. suddenly they are side by side, and malicious goes down. the vilitian defenders left arm is behind the hooligan from the referees point of view, but we can see that he is not touching him. it looks like he simply slipped in the mud. but – the whistle blows, and the penalty kick awarded.*

Clearly not a penalty, and very unfortunate for Vilita. Puts them 2 down with a little less than 5 minutes to go. Equalizing is now much less likely.

Now Vilita is creating some openings in the Hooligan defense. Nice pass there between two defenders and right into the strikers run! What a shot! Off the cross bar! And the spectral hooligan keeper falls on it preventing another try.

Quickly, let’s have another look at the half-time incident.

*we see…the hooligan cheerleaders on the pitch in their familiar “38” formation. they begin their “cheer”*

“Phantom Hooligans haunt the pitch!
Up on the mountain – is that a witch?
The ghosts and the banshees manage to score
Once, and again. Then they score once more.
In vane vent Vilita’s vile villains at…”

*at which point the vilitian fans, cheered on and assisted by the hooligan fans, begin the fiercest over-ripe vegetable bombardment ever seen in “38 special” stadium. between the rain, and the rain of rotten vegetation, it is virtually impossible to see across the stadium. the pace, and size of the items flying through the air, increases. there’s a watermelon. there’s an easy chair! the obligatory goat floats by. followed by – a camel? was that a camel? right there before the giraffe?…giraffe?…wait – there goes the kitchen sink. you couldn’t make this stuff up! (well, just between us…) gads! how did they lift that mercedes? The cheerleaders are frozen in place – the pile of rotten vegetation, trash, and…objects…is two feet deep and they can’t pull their feet out of it. ah! they are rescued – and arrested – by the sheriff of remington county and his deputies.*

Could you believe? Back live now, we’re in the first of three minutes of stoppage time. Here come the Hooligans once again. Down the left side…a pass over the head of the defense…switching fields…towards the flag…that’s good defending! Cleared! Wait, intercepted by the ghost of Horatio. Pass – crossed back in. Horatio with the ball! He puts it past the defender and…what? What? Did you see that?

(of course you didn’t see that. i didn’t tell you what happened yet. shall i?…well…ok)

He went through the defender! No, not figuratively as we often describe a good offensive move! Literally. Horatio faded to near transparency, ran directly through the defender – startling him not a little – solidified himself, I suppose you’d say, caught the ball and shot it to the far post, past the outstretched fingers of Vilita’s keeper.

There’s the final whistle. There’s the Vilitian Manager screaming at the officials. There’s the Hooligans piling on (and through) one another in celebration. There’s the referee pouring through the rule book. There’s security holding back Vilita’s manager – and quite a few of their players.

There’s the final score on the scoreboard – VILITA 0, SNUB NOSE 38 3

And that’s all the time we have, folks. Be sure to catch the eleven o’clock news tonight! The sports segment ought to be very interesting.

*****THIS HAS BEEN ASPN LIVE COVERAGE OF WORLD CUP XIII QUALIFYING*****

Snub Nose 38

03-04-2004, 17:17

Largent

03-04-2004, 17:45

LSNN Report

Susan: Welcome back to another report

Sam: Lets just get on with it, Largent looses again.

Susan: Why? No ones really sure. Most likley to be caused by the offense but still, 5-0 4-0, the defense is too good for this.

Sam: We are frgetting their drawing, they have been playing tough teams, they deserve some credit.

Susan: This is true. And thats the end of our rediculously short report!

Tanah Burung

03-04-2004, 18:49

Crocodiles in 8-0 drubbing over RavenClaw Commune

Tanah Burung took sole possession of the top spot in Group 1 after 270 minutes of what coach Jose Ruak is calling "firewagon football." The Crocs have always had a defensive style pionerred by Ruak's grandfather and father, but are now stressing a more open system in which individual players are encourtaged to shine -- and more importantly, score.

The first half was played in the nation of Raptor Claw, featuring three goals by veteran striker Maria Miskita -- just the second three-goal game by a player in team history. In memory of the departed Warnocks Wizards with Hats, this accomplishment will henceforth be known here as a Wiz Trick. In the second half, Anderson Mutang and defender rashid Nazir added goals.

The third and fourth halves were played in the magic space kingdom of Ravenspire, a storied realm of literature experts well known to the Crocs from past campaigns. With Tanah Burung and Ravesnpire sharing top spot in the qualifying group, the match was a vital one for both sides. Tom Beanal's early goal went unanswered, but the Crocs were also unable to break through the Ravens' wall of defence. Two more halves in Alpha Commune saw the Crocs add two more goals, one each by Eluay and Beanal.

Final results:
Raptor Claw 0 Tanah Burung 5 (Miskita 3, Mutang, Nazir)
Ravenspire 0 Tanah Burung 1 (Beanal)
Tanah Burung 2 Alpha Commune 0 (Eluay, Beanal)

Cursology Associates heading to Bedistan

The Institute of Cursology at the Unviersity of Erotic Endeavour is now offering its unparalleled services to footballing nations.

"Too long has the world thought that curses are some sort of magical thing, the result of chicken-stabbing and appeasement of the gods," said Professor Knotty Madman of the Institute of Cursology. "I'm here to tell you that like everything else, cursology is a science."

A crack team from the Institute is en route to Bedistan, suspected to be suffering from some sort of curse that makes them unable to defeat Avenging Altos. "Possible the Lions are susceptible to talented vocalists," said Professor Madman. "They say music tames the savage beast. With the application of modern Decursification technology, we may be able to give the savage beast a fighting chance next time."

Some Crocs fans are worried that the institute may need to be called in for the next match against Svecia, which has won three straight against Tanah Burung. A few fans even claim there may be some sort of minature hellmouth (a helloverbite, at least) in Svecia.

"We cannot confirm the presence of a hell mouth or mouths at this time," said Professor Madman. "I suggest that the fans concentrate on the looming presence of the Mel Mound, foretold in ancient folk tales and beleived to have a curse ratio of 3.769329."

Audioslavia

03-04-2004, 18:59

Svecia

03-04-2004, 19:04

VILÄMNA DAGENS NYHETER

Lucky Dogs!
Successful week draws to a close on Carati's 86th minute strike
Lördag, 3 April

VILÄMNA, Svecia - The week ended on an excellent note for the Lightning. After two close road victories at Alpha Commune and the always hostile environment of Melmond, Svecia arrived home in their familiar capitol to take on a pesky Staglag 5.

A scoreless draw was not what the Svecian crowd was looking for though, as the game started to shape up that way, with neither side being able to break through the other's defense.

But it was finally Svecia, to the partisan crowd's delight, that broke the scoreboard 0's. And who better to do it than Fransisco Carati.

After blowing a wide open goal opportunity, which went wide right after the Staglag keeper was pulled out and the initial shot deflected off the post to Carati in the 60th minute, Carati proved he has not only technique but also power. His 27 yard blast, that the Staglag keeper had not chance of reaching in the 86th minute, found the upper left corner.

Earlier in the week, the Lightning traveled into Melmond, which Svecia trounced last month 4-0 at home. This match was much closer. Carati blew a PK opportunity early in the match but then redeemed himself later in the match by scoring the winning goal.

But despite the Lightning's current four game winning streak, Group 1's top four standings have changed very little. Tanah Burung (27 points), Ravenspire (24), Svecia (23), and Kingsford (21) still are all able to take away the top three spots. Svecia still must play all three of them, however, in the final stretch of qualifying. Kingsford and Ravenspire will be on the road, and Tanah Burung will travel into the Rijksstadion, as the final couple of matches of qualifying leave anything open.

Oglethorpia

03-04-2004, 19:05

The Bureaucratic Tribune
The Bureaucratic States' most readily available publication.

Gaddland thwarts Oglethorpia again!
Wonderteam fails to redeem 1-nil loss to apathetic Gaddlanders

By Bill Christmas

OGLETHORPIA (BT) -- Gaddland had sent Oglethorpia right back home when the Wonderteam rolled into town to play, along with a 1-nil loss to boot. An upset at the hands of Gaddland was surprising enough; but some thought it blasphemy for the football-fanatics of Oglethorpia to lose to the mostly football-apathetic nation of Gaddland. And so with a packed crowd of 108,234 at Amalgamated Stadium -- seemingly none to be from Gaddland, the Wonderteam prepared to take their revenge and earn a victory of their own.

A customary coin toss to determine ball position ended in disaster for Oglethorpia -- team captian Fernando Green took an angry swing at Gaddlander team captain Wendy McMacDonald. Subsequently, the Wonderteam team captain was red carded and the Wonderteam was already down to 10 men.

On a whim, Dick Egoson put his team into a "Rabid Wall Offense;" Hans Gelb and Floyd Black were to run ahead of strikers Jorge White, Torrence Black and Baltasar Grey. They would create a diversion for their other three teammates, who almost scored a goal on the play if not for it being offsides.

Once again, Egoson's Rabid Wall Offense nearly put another goal on the scoreboard -- but it was instantly doomed when Hans Gelb began spontaenously foaming at the mouth, while creating a diversion for his fellow strikers (consisting of running around and screaming like an idiot, arms flailing around madly). The Rabid Wall was called off, and Hans Gelb was taken out of the match, still foaming at the mouth profusely -- replaced by inept substitute Jim Green.

Things went to the half with only two tries on the part of Oglethorpia and none by Gaddland -- Egoson's attempts at rallying his team for a second half comeback of sorts didn't work so well.

"We knew nothin' would work," said Torrence Black. "Crazy wheelchair bastard."

The second half was some of the most boring football in Wonderteam history -- neither team even recorded an attempt on goal. Midfielder Wendy McMacDonald (and team captain) would make himself infamous, though when he made a brutal (and wholly unnecessary) tackle on Wonderteam striker Torrence Black; red carded immediately, McMacDonald was out of the match (to the cheers of Wonderteam fans) but Black was also off the field with a broken leg.

No one really payed attention to the match as it pushed into fulltime -- anger was amidst the fans in Amalgamated Stadium. McMacDonald and his nerve, taking away loved Wonderteam striker Torrence Black.

"I'm okay, man," said Black. "I'm getting old anyways. We're gunna qualify with all the other matches left. I just hope no one does anything crazy -- like football riots."

---

THE FACTS
(Brought to you by Amalgamated Industries Inc.)

Oglethorpia - 0
Gaddland - 0

Oglethorpia

03-04-2004, 19:23

THE RIOT
Act 1, Scene 1

[Enter McMacDonald the street sweeper.]

MCMACDONALD THE STREET SWEEPER:
Unfortunate, that. The events of today.

[Enter angry mob of Wonderteam fans.]

FAN #1:
You! Sir, satisfy us and say your name!

FAN #2:
Where go you? Where dwell you? Answer straight, sir.

FAN #1:
Answer now, lest we grow impatient!

MCMACDONALD THE STREET SWEEPER:
My name, good citizens? Why, to say, I am
McMacDonald the street sweeper, surely
In East Megalopolis I live. Aye?
I go to mourn-

FAN #3:
Where do you go to mourn?

MCMACDONALD THE STREET SWEEPER:
The hospital, verily. Sad times, these
With beloved Torrence out injured
Who would conspire against, him I know not

FAN #1:
Conspire, truly! What business have you?

MCMACDONALD THE STREET SWEEPER:
The same as any friend! Of friendship.

FAN #1:
Your name again, sir! The throng demands it.

MCMACDONALD THE STREET SWEEPER:
I am called McMacDonald -- hath I said.

FAN #4:
He's the one!

FAN #2:
Break you the good leg of Black?

FAN #1:
Tear him! Torrence will be avenged this night!

MCMACDONALD THE STREET SWEEPER:
But i'm the street sweeper! The street sweeper!
How confuse you me with the hated man?

FAN #3:
Tear him for his shoddy street sweeping!

MCMACDONALD THE STREET SWEEPER:
I implore you -- I am not who you think.
Nay, a vile man is he, and I am not.

FAN #2:
It matters not!

FAN #3:
An example out of you.

MCMACDONALD THE STREET SWEEPER:
[Dies.]

FAN #1:
After the rest of the Gaddlanders! Fly!

Snub Nose 38

03-04-2004, 19:26

*a little later someone known only as margaret is going to make this duplicate post disappear*

(i have this bridge in brooklyn for sale...) :wink:

Snub Nose 38

03-04-2004, 19:27

The claret is still there, but the dark green colour has been replaced by sky-blue, as a gesture of solidarity to short-time-superpower Warnocks Wizards, who seem to have been sent to coventry (ooc: Knowledge of English football-teams and English well-known-sayings needed to get that joke :))

being old works, too...

:wink:

:P so you knew Coventry City F.C. played in sky-blue did you? :P
well...they've always worn sky-blue when i see 'em on playin' on tv, so i thought...

(man u wears red - newcastle look like american football referees - bolton wanders kit colors don't match well (imho) - celtic over in ireland look like green newcastlemen - kaiserslautern look like a slightly pale man u - i can't remember arsenal, whenever i see them play their kit always surprises me (but i do have an arsenal pin on my briefcase that rm brought back from england for me the year after they won the premiership) - etc)

Snub Nose 38

03-04-2004, 19:33

TB..."helloverbite"... :D

Audioslavia

03-04-2004, 19:45

Snub Nose 38

03-04-2004, 19:49

g0g0g0teh spurses!!!!one11one!
Tottenham? They're usually about mid to upper mid table, yes?

Audioslavia

03-04-2004, 20:21

Europa Brittania

03-04-2004, 21:21

EB overcome nearest hurdle.

Europa Brittania overcame the stubborn Eauz thanks to a solitary Lomardi strike yesterday, placing the former world champions on equal footing with both their defeated opponents and Liverpool England. Speaking before the game, manager Alistair Hughes confirmed he had instilled a sense of importance over the coming match, and that a win, and three points would blow the entire group open.

"My players realise, and are ready for the challenge that awaits them. Even if we had this at home now, Eauz would be as difficult. We now travel there, for the first time, on the back of a defeat that has brought deserved and widespread criticism. It is the mark of a superior team to put that behind us, and concentrate on getting the result."

EB lined up traditionally, playing 4-4-3.

----------------------Hansen---------------------

Ferian-------Zlitchrix----O'Hanrahan-------Stacey

-------Huntly--------Kiwitz------Khandrias-------

-----------Lomardi---Lionel---Lester-------------

Substitutes- K. Weillian, R Rhitome, V. Simmons & J. Han

Kiwitz obliged his manager, and scored the only goal of the match. Falling to him outside the eighteen yard box, Kiwitz rifled the ball through a melee of players, taking a slight but crucial deflection of the legs of Lionel to end up in the back of the net, and despite Eauz pressure for the entirety of the final twenty minutes, they could not claw an equaliser back.

After the game, Kiwitz spoke of his vital goal, and the team morale-

"Aye, my goal was a peach. I had all the time in the world to weigh it up as the ball came down, and luckily, it fell kindly to my left side. Believe it or not, it was simple from then on in to send it goalwards."

"We were all a bit down after the defeat, and heading into the Eauz matchup with less than one hundred percent belief was difficult, but we dug in and got a result."

FULL TIME SCORE-

Europa Brittania 1 Euaz 0

Kiwitz 14

Tadjikistan Hit for Four

Derek Lionel netted his first international hatrick in almost eight months along with a single Huntly effort to comfortably dispose of cup minnows Tadjikistan at New Providence Park, Brittania.

Lining up identically to the side that scraped three points against Eauz, confidence was good, making up top spot along with two others, and with all to play for.

Lionel missed a glorious chance from an early header, missing the flick on from Khandrias at the far post. The home side spurned a goal again when a Kiwitz free kick met the forehead of Ferian, who was unable to push it past the goalkeeper.

Tadjikistan pushed up, and threatened on twenty minutes. A far post long ball was badly cleared by Stacey, and the resulting ball was hooked and hit on the volley, only to scrape the crossbar. EB made home advantage count for something on the half hour, with Lionel bulleting a header from a Kiwitz corner, escaping his marker totally.

It was two before the break, a neat one two between Lester and Khandrias sent the FC Atlantis forward through, whose weak effort was parried away, only for Lionel to pounce from nowhere to score a brace. Tadjikistan again came close just before half time, but Hansen stood tall to collect from a loose throughball.

The former world champions did not rest however,and made it three within ten minutes of the restart. A foul on Huntly from twenty four yards out brought an Alan Belmore style free kick that curled into the top left hand corner, giving Huntly his first international goal in almost a year.

Lionel made it his third and Brittanias fourth just before the full time whistle. Timing his run to perfection, he broke away from a static Tadjikistan defence, to round the keeper and slot home from close range.

FULL TIME SCORE-

Europa Brittania 4 Tadjikistan 0

Lionel 30,44,86

Huntly 52

The Madness in this case, doesn't continue.

EB made a difficult away fixture come good, with a two goal to nothing win over Intelligent Madness. Both goals courtesy of a Khandrias brace, the former two time world champions continue on course for qualification, continuing to top the table, and having suffered only one defeat.

Alistair Hughes added-

"Momentum is picking up, and our confidence is rightly high. We cannot let up, we must push on. Our next match is absolutely crucial, and its against former world champions also, in the shape of Liverpool England."

World Champions collide.

A packed, sixty nine thousand Rhisia Park crowd left tonight delirious as former world champions Liverpool England left Europa Brittania on the back of a 2-0 defeat.

The omens before hand were not considerate, with Lomardi failing a late fitness test, and Khandrias out with a tight hamstring. Alistair Hughes had given both men until the final ultimatium to prove fitness, and was deeply concerned as any fan would be at their loss.

EB lined up for the first time in two world cup competitions, 4-4-2:

----------------------Hansen---------------------

Ferian-------Zlitchrix----O'Hanrahan-------Stacey

Han------------Huntly------Kiwitz---------Rhitome

-----------------Lionel---Lester-----------------

Substitutes- K. Weillian, R Tiralii, V. Simmons & J. Hillton

However, Alistair Hughes needn't have worried. The EB eleven had what has been described as their best WC performance to date bar none against LE. Every ball was chased, every clearance well aimed, and each pass thought out. The back four were particularly cool and collected, refusing to panic amidst many a suring LE foward line.

It was Left back Carlton Ferian who popped his boot into a penalty box scramble to poke home a Kiwitz corner, and make it first blood home side. The LE keeper coming no where near clutching the ball in the total melee of red and white shirts that had flooded the box.

LE looked dangerous, and were unlucky not to find a goal after a superb through ball found O'Hanrahan dead footed. However, a first class tackle from Zlitchrix anulled the danger, The first half degenerated into a myriad of broken tackles, and excellent, if unremarkably ended movements. At the interval, the scores were still one to nothing.

EB however, were the hungrier side, and emerged for the second half full of vigour. They pressed home this fact with a superb rocket-shot from Kiwitz, which was headed off the line superbly by an LE centre-back with a thick skull. Brittania came in waves, and were almost care-free in their attacking methology. This nearly cost dear when they were caught three on two at the back, but were saved by an overshot pass.

Lester killed the game dead on seventy nine minutes. He rose to meet a Rhitome overhead chip, only to be hauled back as he made contact. The referee pointed to the spot, and Lionel retrieved the ball. He sent a smashed effort towards the bottom left hand corner, which was brilliantly saved by the LE keeper. However Lester was there for the simple tap in, and the ball rolled into an empty net for 2-0.

FINAL SCORE-

Europa Brittania 2 Liverpool England 0

Ferian 11

Lester 79

Zephyrs sent afloat.

Europa Brittania today continued their reign on top of Qualification group eight, with a 1-0 win over Zephyrs. The single goal came courtesy of a penalty kick, awarded for a deliberate hand ball just after the quarter hour mark. Lionel made no mistake to send the keeper the wrong way, and three precious points. Both Khandrias and Kazaa X-teem forward Lomardi completed ninety minutes, and should feature from start against East Spaam.

Six unbeaten.

EB continued their impressive WC XIII record with their sixth consecutive qualifcation victory. A hardfought match saw them take a two goal lead, only to be brought back to all square by a first class fightback from the East Spaam side.

Kiwitz gave EB the lead with an unextrodinary effort. Lionel unleashed a stinging effort that the keeper parried hard, smacking it straight off the knee of Kiwitx and into the net, without the Brittanian midfielder actually realising what had happened. Accidental or not, it was a vital goal.

EB doubled only a minute later. Ferian made it two consecutive international goals when he rose highest to nod home a Kiwitz corner, and break his own personal scoring record. EB seemed satisfied with this lead, and duly cut back their offensive play. A decsion which nearly cost dear.

Spaam pulled one back just before half time, Zlitchrix lost his man completely during a right side corner, allowing the East Spaam midfielder to bullet a header past Hansen, and into the net. Still EB held back, sensing vainly that there was nothing more to come from this plucky side.

They were proved wrong finally on fifty three minutes. A long range effort heading out of play was needlessly deflected by O'Hanrahan, into the oncoming path of the Spaamian cente forward, who buried from five yards out to tie scores.

EB needed new ideas, and Switched to a 4-2-4, as the match ticked into the closing minutes. Spaam struck the bar with only two minutes remaining, almost killing the tie in a split second fumble from Hansen. EB launched up field, and a simple tap gave Lester a one-on-one with the Spaamian keeper. The shot stopper held his nerve and tipped the resulting effort round the post.

Last chance.

Kiwitz swung in from the right, only for the keeper to punch clear. Huntly hit first time, but only as far as the nearest defender. The ball spiralled away, and all Khandrias could do to keep it in play was to nod backwards. Lester swung, and struck a vicous effort that rebounded off the right hand post. O'Hanrahan was there for a point black header, and East Spaam were ruined by a last gasp winner.

FINAL SCORE

East Spaam 2 Europa Brittana 3

Kiwitz 12
Ferian 14
O'Hanrahan 91

Vilita

03-04-2004, 21:23

g0g0g0teh spurses!!!!one11one!
Tottenham? They're usually about mid to upper mid table, yes?

only if you squint at the premiership table in the dark, wearing sunglasses, and if you turn the table upside down

and ok, i shant disrespect your knowledge of English football again :p unless you thought Celtic and Kaiserslautern (sp?) were english ;-)

Is it just me or did Sn38 refer to celtic as an Irish club?;-)

Audioslavia

03-04-2004, 21:36

Is it just me or did Sn38 refer to celtic as an Irish club?;-)

good point... tho they are irish in a way, with the whole catholisism thang and all

Kaze Progressa

03-04-2004, 21:52

Kicked Off

The Progressair Stadium is deserted. 4-0 to the Runaway Moose. Two fans are left, heading out of one of the exits, dejected.

Fan 1: How the hell did that happen?
Fan 2: I think the Runaway Moose players are very good at the theatricals, and the referee was conned into awarding free-kicks in very promising positions.
Fan 1: I think that our team selection was poor. Playing the mutant team, who are a metre high at most, meant that their lads had free headers every time the ball vaguely approached one of their heads.

An Aquillan is spotted at the exit.

Aquillan: How about OMG J00 SUX0RZ??????
Fan 1: How about OH MY GOD, SPEAK ENGLISH!!!

Alan Belmore #1389048 appears

Alan Belmore: If you lose 4-0 to them, you will lose 10-0 to us!
Fan 1: You're doing just as badly as us, so shut up.
Alan Belmore: Yeah. Whatever. Bi.

We cut to a bar in Kaza Sports Square. A herd of caribou trample across the square heading straight into it.

Progressans in bar: HEY! IT'S THE RUNAWAY MOOSE!
One Progressan to another: How the f*ck can a bunch of animals beat us 4-0?
The other: I blame Margaret.

The two Progressans exit the bar, non-alcoholic beer in hand, and vandalise the statue of Margaret, quickly joined by others.

Chants of Progressans: SHE'S GOING DOWN, SHE'S GOING DOWN, SHE'S GOING... MARGARET'S GOING DOWN...

The Hitlist
RM's acting career IRL
Aquilla
Alan Belmore
The name RM
Margaret
My crappy form

Bedistan

03-04-2004, 22:11

The Weegies

03-04-2004, 22:18

Audioslavia

03-04-2004, 22:20

ok, enough of the wee-sp33k now :/

The Weegies

03-04-2004, 22:28

celtic over in ireland look like green newcastlemen

Except, as well, the stripes are horizontal rather than vertical. You'd think by now that that makes them look a bit squat. And anyway, everyone knows Partick Thistle are by far the best Scottish team. They're just a bit slow to get going... like most of the season. C'ést la vie.

Aaaaaaaaanyway...

IC: On milk cartons all around the world...

MISSING:

Have you seen the two men on the left of this picture?

http://mlhogan.com/rantandroar/promos/group/reporters.jpg

These two Weegie Sport Correspondents for the Star have gone curiously missing after boarding a flight. After talking to witnesses, it appears they have been abducted by someone. Anyone with any information on these two should call the Weegie Missing Line on 0673 987 987. Their lives may be in your hands.

Enjoy your milk.

Eauz

03-04-2004, 23:25

Le LIBRE

Proof

Last nights match against Intelligent Madness at home for Les Bleus was proof they are not Les Bleus of Old. Playing among a less than half of the stadium sold, Les Bleus did not find spirit from the crowd, but from their own cause.

The first half of the match started late, because of some crazy fans that ran onto the field with signs saying “Vie le Captialism!” Lately, there has been a rise of the capitalist ideologists. Once that was under control, Les Bleus were ready to prove to their fans that the last match was just a fluke. Les Bleus started in control of the ball, attempting many kicks. At the 6th minute of play, Les Bleus scored a goal going high into the left corner of the goal. This goal would prove that there would be no shutout of Les Bleus. The mood of the team must have been because of the embarrassing tie last match, because they were very strong, and aggressive. Two more goals came at the 25th and 30th minutes of the match putting Les Bleus up 3 – 0 early in the match. A fourth goal would come by the frustration of Intelligent Madness, when Les Bleus were given a free kick and capitalized on it, putting Les Bleus up 4 – 0 just before the second half.

Les Bleus would relax on a 4 – 0 lead, and play more conservative, so as to not embarrass their opponent, and also prevent any injuries to the team. The fans at the match were amazed at the turn around after just one match. After match parties were everywhere in the streets of Zuka.

The coach was unable to reach, because he wanted to enjoy the atmosphere of the win, and hope it continues into the next match. Les Bleus will have to hope for a strong result, because they will be playing at Liverpool England, where the fans are very crazy, and can affect people mentally. The coach though did say, earlier that his team just needs to concentrate on playing, and ignore the fans. If we go down 1 – 0, whoop di do! We are a strong team; we can come back, as long as we have the desire to win. If we let the crowd affect us, our standing in group 8 will no longer exist. In the last 5 matches, Liverpool England, has played well, posting a record of 2 – 1 – 2 but the last two matches, has slumped against poor teams. Les Bleus do have a chance, having beaten Liverpool England in Zuka, but this time, Liverpool England will look for revence against Les Bleus. With the pressure of winning this match, Les Bleus also must win to keep pace with Europa Brittania who is playing against Just an Egg.

Round 1: Tadjikistan @ Eauz W 0 - 4
Round 2: Eauz @ Intelligent Madness W 4 - 0
Round 3: Liverpool England @ Eauz W 1 - 2
Round 4: Eauz @ Zephyrs W 2 - 0
Round 5: Europa Brittania @ Eauz L 1 - 0
Round 6: Eauz @ The Redavic Union W 2 - 0
Round 7: Just an egg @ Eauz W 0 - 1
Round 8: Eauz @ Gormith W 4 - 0
Round 9: East Spaam @ Eauz W 0 - 1
Round 10: Eauz @ Tadjikistan T 0 - 0
Round 11: Intelligent Madness @ Eauz W 0 - 4
Round 12: Eauz @ Liverpool England
Round 13: Zephyrs @ Eauz
Round 14: Eauz @ Europa Brittania
Round 15: The Redavic Union @ Eauz
Round 16: Eauz @ Just an Egg
Round 17: Gormith @ Eauz
Round 18: East Spaam @ Eauz

[code:1:9cc8ba6266]
Group 8
Pts W D L GF:GA GD
1. Europa Brittania 30 10 0 1 23: 4 19
2. Eauz 28 9 1 1 24: 2 22
3. Liverpool England 23 7 2 2 22: 8 14
4. East Spaam 16 5 1 5 17:12 5
5. The Redavic Union 16 5 1 5 11:16 -5
6. Gormith 13 3 4 4 10:13 -3
7. Tadjikistan 10 2 4 5 7:17 -10
8. Just an egg 7 1 4 6 4:13 -9
9. Intelligent Madness 7 1 4 6 5:23 -18
10.Zephyrs 3 0 3 8 4:19 -15
[/code:1:9cc8ba6266]

NAST1C

03-04-2004, 23:43

We suck big time, Roll on the next world cup.

03-04-2004, 23:46

OOC-Just so everybody knows, I'm visiting family for a week and they're having computer problems at the moment, so I'll post my recaps for my matches between day 10 and whenever the problems finally get fixed or whenever I get back home.

Brazillico

04-04-2004, 00:18

The Brazillico Advance

Brazillico Continues to Suck At Home
Fortunately for Bats, Sucking Against Pablicosta Equates to a 1-0 Victory

By Jake Tartare

Not much to say about this match, they came home, they sucked, they conquered. Junior Socrates made good on a penalty in the 25th Minute which was all the offense Brazillico needed to defeat Pablicosta 1-0. Instead of rambling on and on about this snorer of a match, let's take a look at how Group 2 is shaping up.

Nikea is on top of the group and still only have one loss. A win tomorrow would all but punch their tickets to Cockbill Street and Rejistania. Unfortunately for Nikea, they'll be facing off against the number two side in the group, Halfassedstates. After losing two out of their first three, Halfassed have put their full ass into the last eight matches, emerging victorious from every contest.

Brazillico still find themselves clinging on to the third and final playoff spot in the group. They face their most important match to date, a showdown in Total n Utter Insanity where a victory would do wonders for their chances of qualifications. The Insanicians will be hungry for a victory however, as a defeat would all but crush their chances of qualification.

The only other team with a realistic chance of qualifying to the World Cup is Aquilla. This side had slipped under the radatr, mainly because of the complete lack of attention they recieve from local media, recieving the rare match description shoved into the Want Ads section of the newspaper. Aquilla will face off against Largent tomorrow, a match they should win against a squad they were only able to muster up a draw against in their first encounter. If Aquilla failed to gain three points from their upcoming match, it would place the 'Quillans at a severe disadvantage for the stretch run.

The conquest for the Golden Spoon is shaping up to be just as exciting in Group 2, with five sides within four points at the bottom of the table. We'll have our in-depth analysis for "The Race To The Toilet Bowl" tomorrow.

Melmond

04-04-2004, 01:33

The Morale is Officially Boosted!
Fearless Farmers Obtain First Ever Multi-Goal Victory Beating Skipdonia 3-1
By Boo Teefull of the Cali Tribune

SKIPDONIA—Skipdonia is quite possibly the most unremarkable team and place the Melmond National Team will face in all qualifying. Skipdonia doesn’t have the history and personality of previous players such as everyone ahead of Melmond in the standings as well as BSE Free Bovines. They do not even have the quirky charm that the tourist trap Raptor Claw and the Paranoid Pinkos of Alpha Commune have. All Skipdonia has is nice clean beaches and very dull people. However, in the drab, multi-purpose Skipdonia National Stadium, the Fearless Farmers played a match that one could describe as remarkable.
Since we are a rather optimistic paper here at the Cali Tribune, we will say that the Fearless Farmers were greeted by a half full Skipdonia National Stadium with approximately 35,000 in attendance, 5,000 of which were Melmond fans who made the trip the whole way there. Actually, 10,000 Melmond fans made the trip, but 5,000 of them got a bad case of sun poisoning while at the beach and couldn’t make the game.
The Fearless Farmers really showed up at this game and took out their frustrations against the overwhelmed Skipdonian side. Melmond was fast and furious and owned the tempo of the game as Skipdonia struggled to stay on pace with the likes of Camui Arai and Cristina Antunez. Melmond had threatened numerous times without scoring a goal since Skipdonia had to resort to kicking the ball away for breathing room because the Melmondian defense was too tight for them to handle.
However, the game of dump and chase got very old quickly as a Critandi Unne shot was deflected by a Skipdonian defender. Melmond earns a corner kick and Jonsi Torrini prepares to take the corner. The corner was perfect and just like the first ever Melmond goal, which was against Skipdonia, striker Chris Owen heads it past the Skipdonian goalkeeper. The celebration wasn’t as wild as it was then since Melmond is on the road and that the goal wasn’t too momentous in comparison. Chris Owen scores at the 14th minute.
More of the same Melmond dominance of possession and Skipdonia remaining on the defensive until the Fearless Farmers make another breakthrough where striker Benjamin Leeb was able to steal an attempted clear and have a one-on-one opportunity against the goalkeeper. Leeb just toyed with him, shifting his eyes to the more open side of the net, catching the Skipdonian goalkeeper off-balance, and just slipping it by the narrow side. The pretty goal at the 31st minute puts the Fearless Farmers up 2-nil. The first half ends with the same score.
The Skipdonians, looking desperate to stop their skid, try some very risky plays in order to create some scoring chances, leaving them vulnerable if one possession error was made. No possession errors were made, but many other elementary errors were made, such as letting the ball slip out of bounds near the goal line and attempting to make a cross which hit the goalpost. Once Melmond regained the possession and the tempo, Critandi Unne puts up a clinic of dribbling and speed, weaving through the Skipdonian defense and striking the ball past the goalkeeper. Critandi Unne scores at the 63rd minute as Melmond takes the commanding 3-nil lead.
Throughout the match, Melmond played a virtually mistake-free game. However, one mistake late in the match cost them the shut out. Skipdonian striker Ace Cooper was able to get past Melmond defender Jonsi Torrini. Despite Melmond goalkeeper Cory Yankovic being in perfect position to stop Cooper’s shot, the young Torrini makes a knee-jerk reaction and tackles Cooper from behind. Torrini was given a yellow card, which being his second of the tournament will mean he will miss the next match. Ace Cooper was given a penalty which was converted when Yankovic guessed wrong. A score for Skipdonia at the 83rd minute Either way, the Fearless Farmers demonstrated that they can be dominant as well with their 3-1 showing.
The giant boost of morale could be seen in the faces of both fan and player alike. There is much optimism about the next game against Tanah Burung which will be played in Cali. Manager Felix Coostatlwak said about the upcoming, “We were inexperienced and a bit out of shape and only lost 2-0 to them at there place. Now we are a much better team and they are coming to our place.” Striker Chris Owen said that, “He wouldn’t be surprised if they get at least a point against the Crocs.”

Goals
Owen, MEL 14th
Leeb, MEL 31st
C. Unne, MEL 63rd
Cooper, SKI 83rd

Cards
Torrini, MEL 83rd

Standings

Other Group 1 Results
BSE Free Bovines 1 – Ravenspire 2
Raptor Claw 0 – Kingsford 1
Svecia 1 – Stalag 5 0
Tanah Burung 2 – Alpha Commune 0

[code:1:694de3a6c3]Group 1
Pts W D L GF:GA GD
1. Tanah Burung 27 9 0 2 22: 4 18
2. Ravenspire 24 8 0 3 19: 9 10
3. Svecia 23 7 2 2 16: 4 12
4. Kingsford 21 6 3 2 13: 6 7
5. Stalag 5 16 4 4 3 12:12 0
6. Melmond 14 4 2 5 10:16 -6
7. Skipdonia 9 3 0 8 5:15 -10
8. BSE Free Bovines 7 1 4 6 8:16 -8
9. Raptor Claw 7 1 4 6 5:16 -11
10.Alpha Commune 6 1 3 7 3:15 -12[/code:1:694de3a6c3]

Melmond Team Stats
Goals: Critandi Unne (4), Chris Owen (2), Diallo Unne (1), Camui Arai (1), Martin Goodwin (1), Benjamin Leeb (1)
Cards: Cristina Antunez (2), Jonsi Torrini (2), Nina Steen (1), Paul “Edgy” Shields (1)

Melmond National Team Schedule

@ Svecia L 4-0
v Skipdonia (Farmers Field, Melmond City) W 1-0
@ Tanah Burung L 2-0
v BSE Free Bovines (Lifedonations Stadium, Morales) W 1-0
@ Raptor Claw W 2-1
v Ravenspire (Microcosm Stadium, Aldi) L 2-0
@ Alpha Commune T 1-1
@ Kingsford L 2-0
v Stalag 5 (Walladome, Acosta) T 1-1
v Svecia (Unne Sports Temple, Unne) L 2-1
@ Skipdonia W 3-1
v Tanah Burung (Xpress Counsel Field, Cali)
@ BSE Free Bovines
v Raptor Claw (Woocat Books Ballpark, O’Connor)
@ Ravenspire
v Alpha Commune (MPNK Stadium, Faasen)
v Kingsford (TBA)
@ Stalag 5

Next Game
vs. Tanah Burung (at Xpress Counsel Field, Cali)

This game brings another great challenge to the Fearless Farmers. So far the Fearless Farmers have lost when playing the top four teams in the group; twice to Svecia, once to Ravenspire, once to Kingsford, and once to their next opponent, Tanah Burung. The Crocodiles always play well. It’s just a matter of whether they will play average good or dominant good. Their last game showed the former as they only beat Alpha Commune by two at home. The Crocs will have to show the latter to beat the always improving Melmond National Team. The Fearless Farmers will be without young defender Jonsi Torrini who is serving a one match yellow card suspension. Phael Survigosis will take his place. What the Fearless Farmers will lose in amazing corners and raw talent they will get back with solid defense.

GK- Cory Yankovic
D- Phael Survigosis
D- Sergio Ortiz
D- Paul “Edgy” Shields
D- Nina Steen
M- Martin Goodwin
M- Critandi Unne
M- Camui Arai
M- Cristina Antunez
F- Chris Owen
F- Benjamin Leeb

Xpress Counsel Field
Location: Cali, Melmond
Seats: 37,500 (Open Air)

Cali is Melmond’s sixth largest city and while Unne is said to be the most fashionable city, Cali is said to have the most fashionable people. Cali is the heart of Melmond’s movie and fashion industries and not very known for its support of sports. However, it being the sixth largest city in Melmond got a new stadium built in the Batter Up Baseball League boom of popularity. Xpress Counsel Field is obviously sponsored by Xpress Counsel, a firm in which makeovers are common, fashion wise and psychologically. The stadium houses the Cali baseball team and the cellar dwelling Cali Purples of the Melmond Premier League. The Melmond Football Association hopes that bringing the likes of Tanah Burung to Cali will shift the beautiful people’s attention from obtaining bigger balls on their chest to trapping the ball on the chest and scoring.

Eauz

04-04-2004, 02:39

Le Libre

Eauz fans follow team

With the upcoming important match against Liverpool England, many fans of Les Bleus have declaired they will follow Les Bleus to Liverpool England. It is expected that 1,050 bleus fans are expected to be seen at the match. These fans had this planned well in advance, when the schedule was published. It is expected that Les Bleus will end up having a little bit of their own home feel, as these fans will take up a whole section of the stadium. The coach commented saying, "It encourages us that these people are interested in our couse. Maybe it is in responce to the loss they had against Tadjikistan, where the team slacked off, and really had no 'heart' in the match. With home fans cheering you on, you are going to feel more of a desire to win for them, especially away from home."

Once again, Les Bleus will enter the tough part of the schedule, playing against two tough teams. Les Bleus though, expect that they can come up with another win against Liverpool England, and then get ready to play Europa Brittania later on.

Group 8 has turned into a three team race, with Europa Brittania, Eauz and Liverpool England all fighting for the top spot. The rest have pretty much been left in the dust.

Melmond

04-04-2004, 02:47

RPANOUT DRUG SCANDAL EXPOSED!!!
Arrests of Rogue Farmers, TBFA Excommunication of Kakune Explains Many Things
By Henry Kalangalangalang of the Melmond City Herald

There was quite a commotion at the hotel that BSE Free Bovine mascot Horace was staying at while serving his groundskeeping sentence in Morales, Melmond. Two enranged men broke down the door of Horace's hotel room and proceeded to try and take Horace away. Horace however fought back with cow karate he learned while watching Disney's Home on the Range and was able to thwart the assailants and call his once nemesis, the Morales Police. The Morales Police took the two assaliants away. One of the assailants were screaming, "The Eagles Nest doesn't deserve Horace, they have been drugging our players with RPanout!"
The drug RPanout is basically the antithesis of last cup season's drug du jour RPanin, which boosted newbies chances of qualifying. However, the drug RPanout does the exact opposite. When applied to upstart newbies, the team begins to underachieve and flounder. The assailants in Horace's attempted kidnapping believed the Eagles Nest was behind the druggings in order to keep this season's newbies from repeated its success. Horace was their trump card.
As an added twist, searching the home of these rogue Farmers found a camera and a familar field, the same one featured in the shady Melmond vegetable commercial in the Eagles Nest. And also Eviscertomato plants were found. Eviscertomatoes has had a history of animosity with the Eagles Nest, performing a terrorist attack at Strike Bird Stadium in WC 12 qualifying. It is believed that an Eviscertomato Terrorism Group was using the crazed fans for its own goals.

The truth behind the RPanout druggings came out in a breaking story from Tanah Burung. Tanah Burung striker Runu Kakune was found working with the RPanout cartel. Once Tanah Burung Football Association got a record of Kakune's travelogue, places like Hawcoat and Lovebug early on and numerous trips to Melmond and the hardest hit place, Vilita, she cracked under the pressure. Kakune scored two goals in her short career in Tanah Burung, both against Melmond. However for her participation in the RPanout cartel, she is now excommunicated from the Tanah Burung Football Association. Her goals are credited to other players and there is no mention of her on official Tanah Burung Football Association documents.
Rumour has it however that some rogue nations and perhaps a couple rouge nations are looking to tempt Runu Kakune to emigrating and playing for them.

The Eagles Nest

04-04-2004, 04:09

((this is a half drunken RP...so if it sucks, that's why.))

Adams Hangs Hat on Mordecei

3-0 Gives Momentum Into Game With Gesamtkuntswerk

Strke Birds' forward Josh Adams scored his sceond international hat trick on 9th place Mordecei to keep the pressure on the rest of the group. Mordecei showed a very lackluster defense and well, you could tell they had just about given up in this campaign. The win gave the Birds their 9th Clean sheet, their 7th straight.

The Strike Birds go into a key rematch with Gesamtkuntswerk hoping to avenge their only loss of this campaign, and hoping to extend their gap to third place Mattigool and the log jam right behind them. Get there early, the Birds need all the support they can get.

Scoring

The Eagle's Nest
J. Adams 17:02 (11)
J. Adams 38:18 (12)
J. Adams 52:44 (13)

Mordecei
None

MatchDay 11 Recap

The Nest had the highest score of the day, but did not extend their lead over Mattigool. Tomorrow's game with Gesamtkuntswerk will go very far to determine the group leaders. Unless Gleam Street can score 29 goals and win out (and Mattigool loses 7) they will be eliminated, along with a good chance of a few more eliminations tomorrow.

Anti-Nazis 1 Mattigool 2
Formula One Racing 0 Commerce Heights 1
Gesamtkuntswerk 1 Gleam Street 0
Mordecei 0 The Eagles Nest 3
Vozvyshennost 2 Fortuna Prospera 0

[code:1:742009dbbb]

Pos Team P W D L F A GD Pts PP
1 Gesamtkuntswerk 11 8 3 0 15 1 14 27 48
2 The Eagle's Nest 11 8 2 1 15 4 11 26 47
3 Mattigool 11 7 1 3 15 7 8 22 43
4 Commerce Heights 11 6 3 2 14 6 8 21 42
5 Vozvyshennost 11 6 2 3 15 5 10 20 41
6 Anti-Nazis 11 5 3 3 16 10 6 18 39
7 Formula One Racing 11 3 0 8 5 14 -9 9 30
8 Fortuna Prospera 11 3 0 8 5 16 -11 9 30
9 Mordecei 11 0 3 8 3 19 -16 3 24
10Gleam Street 11 0 1 10 2 23 -21 1 22
[/code:1:742009dbbb]

The Eagle's Nest WCXIII Qualifying Campaign
Eagle's Nest @ Gleam Street Win 2-0
Eagle's Nest v. Mordecei Win 1-0
Eagle's Nest @ Gesamtkuntswerk Loss 0-3
Eagle's Nest v. Mattigool Win 2-1
Eagle's Nest @ Formula One Racing Win 2-0
Eagle's Nest v. Fortuna Prospera Win 3-0
Eagle's Nest @ Vozvyshennost Win 1-0
Eagle's Nest v. Commerce Heights Tie 0-0
Eagle's Nest @ Anti-Nazis Tie 0-0

Eagle's Nest v. Gleam Street Win 1-0
Eagle's Nest @ Mordecei Win 3-0
Eagle's Nest V. Gesamtkuntswerk
Eagle's Nest @ Mattigool
Eagle's Nest v. Formula One Racing
Eagle's Nest @ Fortuna Prospera
Eagle's Nest v. Vozvyshennost
Eagle's Nest @ Commerce Heights
Eagle's Nest v. Anti-Nazis

Eagle's Nest Request Permission from Melmond

With the demise of BSE Free Bovines looming ever further closer, and knowing that they want to protect their investment, the Eagle's Nest has officially requested to send a small 6 man detachment to ensure that no more terrorist groups try to attack Horace. Diplomats are working on the issue as we speak.

Snub Nose 38

04-04-2004, 04:15

Is it just me or did Sn38 refer to celtic as an Irish club?;-)

good point... tho they are irish in a way, with the whole catholisism thang and all

Yes, we Scots have no culture of our own, so we have to steal it from the Irish. Still, beating Barcelona, eh?

oh my god...i am now officially in what is commonly referred to as deep...well, it's deep.

my wife's maiden name is Davidson. they have a plaid. You know, as in Scotland and all that.

oh my god...

Eauz

04-04-2004, 04:24

Le Libre

Liverpool Leader says no

A fun deal preposed by the Prime Minister of Eauz that would have one of the leaders wear the other teams jersey, falls through. The Leader of Liverpool, who was just recently elected said, he would have to decline, because of his being recently elected, which would look bad for his early political career.

In other news, Bernard Yeuseuv, the keeper for the nations football team will be putting his 540 minute record of no goals on the line, when Les Bleus meet up with Liverpool England tonight. Yeuseuv has only given up 2 goals, 1 in a win against Liverpool and 1 in a lost against Europea Brittania. Look for Bernard to extend his record, but don't expect it to be easy. Currently, in the first 10 minutes, there has yet to be a goal for either side.

Runaway Moose

04-04-2004, 04:25

oh my god...i am now officially in what is commonly referred to as deep...well, it's deep.

my wife's maiden name is Davidson. they have a plaid. You know, as in Scotland and all that.

oh my god...

Hmmm... funny that Snub. Y'know, my mom is Scottish (coincidence?) and I think you mean tartan.

Melmond

04-04-2004, 04:26

Melmond Makes Their Answer to the Eagles Nest Request

um....ok.

Tadjikistan

04-04-2004, 07:32

Tadjikistan keeps stunting

After the tie with Eauz the Tadjik team showed itself capable of taking on any opponent and in this case it was East Spaam. Another team that has more experience in the WC-series, but Tadjikistan is learning. And from what if seen, i think Tadjikistan is becoming a very good student.

The match started slow, Tadjikistan used long passes to to get closer to the East Spaam goal, but gave up this tactic later. East Spaam held the door closed, and tried to counterattack but GK Yashin had no problems stopping the East Spaam kicks at his goal. And thus the first half ended with 0-0.

During the pause Isserson asked the team to be more creative, shorter passes and better combinations. He also told the Midfielders that he expected some good assists from them. The second half was different from the first one, most players listened to Isserson and did what he asked them to do. A couple nice assists from Lyudnikov and Luchinsky did not result in a goal as the East Spaam defenders wer in the way between attacker and goal. We didnt have to wait very long, in the 70th minute Christyakov passed to Zhukov who scored through the legs of a defender. The Tadjik team tried to score again but failed, ending the match in 1-0. Another win for a good Tadjik team.

Kerla

04-04-2004, 07:56

Kerlan News Network is proud to present you...........

Kerla National Soccer

Once again welcome to the segment of the World Cup. Jill Numbnuts here with you again. So far the Union has done a decent job of winning. Today the Union tied Eaglet with 2 goals each. Unfournatly with the tie and wins by Oddslavo and Belmorian Scandinavia forced the Union to move down in the rankings. Currently the Union is in second place. They hope to finish in the top two so that they do not have to play in the game to qualify for the World Cup. Of course it is still close with Belmorian Scandinavia having 25 points and the Union right behind with 24 points so we never know what will happen. The Union has shown the owlrd how good the defense can be and how dominating the team can be. There are still a ton of games left so it can change any moment.

Jeruselem

04-04-2004, 08:01

Jeruselem Government News

Jeruselem held to draw as Lemmitania lose again

Despite a uneventful 0-0 draw with underachiever Jaegermeistria, Jeruselem still have 3rd spot in Group 7. In a blow to Lemmitania's campaign, Squornshelous won 2-0 to keep the leadership with Antaeus Rising 3-0 over The Republican Army keeping them in touch. Creedence Clearwater struggled to win against New Cyprus 2-1 to keep 4th.

Jeruselem decided to rest Jones, Becks, Goldstein and keeper Abdul with some reserve players playing their first games. It told and while Jaegermeistria never really threatened, their defense did not have the same problems dealing with Jeruselem reserve team as they would if the full Jeruselem team was fielded.

Group 7: Antaeus Rising 3 The Republican Army 0
Group 7: Creedence Clearwater 2 New Cyprus 1
Group 7: Grand master Mark 4 Haraki 0
Group 7: Jeruselem 0 Jaegermeistria 0
Group 7: Squornshelous 2 Lemmitania 0

[code:1:c1c2d6723a]
Group 7
Pts W D L GF:GA GD
1. Squornshelous 30 9 3 0 20: 3 17
2. Antaeus Rising 27 8 3 1 19: 4 15
3. Jeruselem 24 7 3 2 21:13 8
4. Creedence Clearwater 23 7 2 3 20:11 9
5. Lemmitania 22 6 4 2 18: 7 11
6. Grand master Mark 19 6 1 5 16:11 5
7. The Republican Army 12 4 0 8 8:19 -11
8. Jaegermeistria 6 1 3 8 4:17 -13
9. Haraki 6 1 3 8 3:22 -19
10.New Cyprus 0 0 0 12 3:25 -22
[/code:1:c1c2d6723a]

One Red Dot

04-04-2004, 10:43

The Red Dot Informant
Triple Win Streak Still Short of Third

The cycle repeats again as the World Cup XIII Qualifications pass the midpoint. The Wolves are again greeted with three straight wins against Crystilokere, NASTIC 2 and Jagiellonia to complement the wins against them earlier.

The Crystilokere match wasn't as fruitful as the Wolves had thought. Maybe it was because the Crystilokerian grounds and supporters weren't as amiable as they should have been, but nevertheless, the Wolves succeeded with a 1-0 win.

NASTIC 2, despite being one of the more experienced teams in the group, didn't manage to take revenge on the Wolves as another 1-0 win was attained.

Jagiellonia didn;t provide much resistence to the Wolves winning streak; the Wolves beat them another 3-0, securing their third win.

Despite the large raise in morale, the next few days should provide them with a hard knock on the head.

Timway, Sliponia, Giant Zucchini, and The Weegies are the next four up next against the One Red Dot Wolves, and a loss could send the Wolves spiraling down the group ladder.

Group 6 Qualification Tables provided by the good people at Rejistania and Cockbill Street
[code:1:7cf51495af]
Group 6
Pts W D L GF:GA GD
1. Giant Zucchini 32 10 2 0 22: 2 20
2. The Weegies 30 10 0 2 24: 6 18
3. Sliponia 27 8 3 1 18: 5 13
4. One Red Dot 26 8 2 2 18: 4 14
5. Timway 20 6 2 4 21: 9 12
6. NASTIC 2 11 2 5 5 6: 9 -3
7. The Alan Belmore Army 8 2 2 8 6:23 -17
8. Lennon Marx 7 1 4 7 5:17 -12
9. Jagiellonia 4 0 4 8 4:28 -24
10.Crystilakere 2 0 2 10 3:24 -21
[/code:1:7cf51495af]

At this moment, The Alan Belmore Army, Lennon Marx, Jagiellonia and Crystilakere have been mathematically eliminated. You were great teams, but perhaps not great enough. But see you at the next Cup though. You will be missed.

The top four teams, Giant Zucchini, The Weegies, Sliponia and One Red Dot, have been providing cut-throat competition for each other, and at this point, anything can happen.

ORD World Cup Record:
[code:1:7cf51495af]
World Cup WC5 WC6 WC7 WC8 WC9 WC10 WC11 WC12 WC13
Matches Played 10 17 13 13 17 7 17 14 12

Wins 5 9 9 6 8 4 10 8 8
Draws 0 7 1 2 4 1 6 4 2
Losses 5 1 3 5 5 2 1 2 2

Goals For 17 31 31 22 24 14 29 27 18
Average GF 1.70 1.82 2.38 1.69 1.41 2.00 1.71 1.93 1.50
Goals Against 16 16 9 19 19 11 7 11 4
Average GA 1.60 0.94 0.69 1.46 1.12 1.57 0.41 0.79 0.33
Goal Diff. +1 +15 +22 +3 +5 +3 +22 +16 +14
Average GD +0.11 +0.88 +1.69 +0.23 +0.29 +0.43 +1.29 1.14 1.17

Total Matches 19 36 49 62 79 86 103 117 126

Acc. Wins 8 17 26 32 40 44 54 62 70
Acc. Draws 3 10 11 13 17 18 24 28 30
Acc. Losses 8 9 12 17 22 24 25 27 29

Accumulated GF 26 57 88 110 134 148 177 204 222
Ave. Acc. GF 1.37 1.58 1.80 1.77 1.70 1.72 1.72 1.74 1.76
Accumulated GA 26 42 51 70 89 100 107 118 122
Ave. Acc. GA 1.37 1.17 1.04 1.13 1.13 1.16 1.04 1.01 0.97
Accumulated GD 0 +15 +37 +40 +45 +48 +70 +86 +100
Ave. Acc. GD 0 +0.42 +0.76 +0.65 +0.57 +0.58 +0.68 +0.74 0.79

Average Opp. Rank# 13.00 21.33 25.40 41.80 26.29 16.86 26.00 39.67 33.80
Highest Opp. Rank 5 8 7 21 1 1 4 15 5
Lowest Opp. Rank# 26 50 52 68 79 50 50 74 53

Pre-Match Rank 27 30 22 16 29 29 20 11 28
Standardised Rank# 1.55 0.57 -0.18 -1.16 0.10 0.71 -0.29 -0.93 -0.31

#Newbie ranks are excluded.
World Cup 4 statistics have been truncated.
*Rounding-ups/downs may cause calculative errors in the table.[/code:1:7cf51495af]

Match Fixtures for One Red Dot {Day 13~18}
13 One Red Dot v Timway @ Royal Burrington Stadium, Burrington
14 Sliponia v One Red Dot @ Sliponia
15 Giant Zucchini v One Red Dot @ Giant Zucchini
16 One Red Dot v The Weegies @ Chisai’nihon Stadium, Chisai’nihon
17 The Alan Belmore Army v One Red Dot @ The Alan Belmore Army
18 One Red Dot v Lennon Marx@ Royal Red Dot National Stadium, Dottian Capital Territory

All tickets to matches can be bought at your local ORDOTIX counters. Prices subject to locale.

Liverpool England

04-04-2004, 10:52

Liverpool England 1 Eauz 0
Attendance: 82 502 [1252 Eauz fans reported]
Scorer: Kof Hadji 6pen
Sent off: Hearne Jr 78 [second yellow card for dissent]
Substitutions: Guy Francis [GK16] on for KΣσ Johnson [FC13], 79th

In a match which Eauz dominated play, the home team were lucky to win. Eauz must be rueing their missed chances, as even a goalkeeper sending-off for the home team by the Spaamanian referee for dissent, a second yellow card, and a subsequent 22-yard free kick failed to deliver anything in the dying minutes. In contrast, Liverpool England sat back and defended an early lead, a penalty from Kof Hadji after 6 minutes when Kelvin Johnson, who was sent off in the earlier meeting between these teams, was sent sprawling in the box. The team changed from an attaking-looking 3-5-2 to a defensive 5-4-1, with Johnson as lone striker. This formation changed to a 5-4-0 after keeper Hearne Junior was sent off, and Johnson was brought off. Said manager Caddy Cannon after the match, "The Eauz Premier was lucky President Dave Goh had rejected his offer, or he'd be crying now," referring to an offer the Prime Minister of Eauz had made, "as for the sending off I cannot say anything about it; I don't think it was fair, but it is a game of football after all, and you have to prepare for such incidents." Hearne is suspnded for the match against Europa Brittania as a result.

Brazillico

04-04-2004, 12:46

"What the F*ck!"

The Brazillican players listened closely as their manager stood in the middle of the room and began his rant inside the Insane Dome's visiting locker room. The room was decorared in classic Insanician victorian style, pink walls with white lockers, intrecate turn-of-the-century white furniture and a crystal chandelier in the middle. In short, it looked like Barbie's dreamhouse.

"Why can't we win a single important match?" asked Cosmo to the room. The rhetorical question warranted no response. "How come every time we have a chance to pull ahead in the standings, we come out flat?"

Silence.

"Am I talking to the hot pink walls?" asked Cosmo furiously, "Why aren't we winning?"

"You know we're under a lot of pressure," muttered Joao Cannon from the back of the room.

"Pressure," mused Cosmo, "Are you saying none of the other teams face pressure. Is this the only team in the world who experiences pressure?"

The players' eyes looked around the room, hoping somebody would say something.

Nothing.

"I'll tell you something," continued Cosmo, "I'm pretty damn sure this is the only side in the world who lets pressure get to them like ours. You wanna see pressure? Wait until the local press starts riding your ass and asking why mighty Brazillico hasn't made the World Cup in their last three attempts."

The morale in the room was low; even lower than when the side had trudged down the tunnel a few moments ago after their dishearening loss to the Insanicians, 2-0.

"Next game," continued a fuming Cosmo, "If you guys don't want to play for keeps, don't want to give it your all, don't want to face the pressure; don't show up. I'll see you in Libertad."

Cosmo stormed out of the room as the Chili Bats looked blankly at each other and tried to assess what exactly just transpired.

Eauz

04-04-2004, 15:09

Le LIBRE

Strong attempt leads to nothing

The attendance at the stadium in Liverpool was reported to be 82,502 with 1,252 Eauz fans reported entering. Throughout the match, these fans would prove to be helpful, as Les Bleus put on a very strong showing. The match would also test the record of Yeuseuv.

In the first half, Les Bleus dominated the time, keeping the ball in the Liverpool zone for the majority of the time. Shots on goal were coming from everywhere, but were stopped by the Liverpool goalkeeper. During the early parts of play, the Liverpool keeper, Hearne Jr was sent off of play for dissent. With a new keeper in net, Les Bleus though they could capitalize on the opportunity, though to no prevail. The first half of the match would end in a 0 – 0 tie with a frustrated Eauz team heading off the field.

The second half was pretty much a repeat of the first half, as the match was controlled by Les Bleus. The closets Les Bleus came were a shot high on goal, which was swatted away by the new goalkeeper. Nothing was working for Les Bleus. As it looked as if Les Bleus would come out with another 0 – 0 tie, and continue the scoreless streak of Yeuseuv, Hadji a Liverpool England player scored the first goal during the 88th minute of play, putting Liverpool up 1 – 0. Though, the goal came too late for Les Bleus to respond, as they lost to a struggling Liverpool team, 1 – 0. Yeuseuv’s streak ends at 628 minutes.

The coach was furious at this loss, and threw chairs around the dressing room. He yelled “What the hell? How did we lose, when we were the stronger team?” After he calmed down, Le Libre talked to him. The coach said: “You know, I felt we could have had 2 or 3 goals against Liverpool, and how many do we have? ZERO! I am very disappointed with our team, we seemed to have played well against the teams the first time around, and now we are slumping.”

The first half record for Les Bleus was 8 – 0 – 1, but Les Bleus have not started the second half off the same, as they are 1 – 1 – 1, giving them only 3 points out of a possible 9. With the slumping Eauz team, Europa Brittania has capitalized on it, as if continues to win, and Liverpool has finally caught up to Les Bleus only 2 points away. Les Bleus are now 5 points away from EB. Les Bleus must hope that they can play well against the last place team in the match. Les Bleus must NOT play without heart against weak teams for them to have a chance at qualifying. Once the match against EB is over, Les Bleus must look to their easy schedule to gain some ground on EB and keep a distance between Liverpool.

More information about the next match against Zephyrs later…

Round 1: Tadjikistan @ Eauz W 0 - 4
Round 2: Eauz @ Intelligent Madness W 4 - 0
Round 3: Liverpool England @ Eauz W 1 - 2
Round 4: Eauz @ Zephyrs W 2 - 0
Round 5: Europa Brittania @ Eauz L 1 - 0
Round 6: Eauz @ The Redavic Union W 2 - 0
Round 7: Just an egg @ Eauz W 0 - 1
Round 8: Eauz @ Gormith W 4 - 0
Round 9: East Spaam @ Eauz W 0 - 1
Round 10: Eauz @ Tadjikistan T 0 - 0
Round 11: Intelligent Madness @ Eauz W 0 - 4
Round 12: Eauz @ Liverpool England L 0 - 1
Round 13: Zephyrs @ Eauz
Round 14: Eauz @ Europa Brittania
Round 15: The Redavic Union @ Eauz
Round 16: Eauz @ Just an Egg
Round 17: Gormith @ Eauz
Round 18: East Spaam @ Eauz

[code:1:498954d4c9]
Group 8
Pts W D L GF:GA GD
1. Europa Brittania 33 11 0 1 25: 4 21
2. Eauz 28 9 1 2 24: 3 21
3. Liverpool England 26 8 2 2 23: 8 15
4. East Spaam 19 6 1 5 19:12 7
5. The Redavic Union 16 5 1 6 11:18 -7
6. Gormith 14 3 5 4 11:14 -3
7. Tadjikistan 13 3 4 5 9:18 -9
8. Just an egg 7 1 4 7 4:15 -11
9. Intelligent Madness 7 1 4 7 6:25 -19
10.Zephyrs 4 0 4 8 5:20 -15
[/code:1:498954d4c9]

Kaze Progressa

04-04-2004, 15:18

OOC note to Kerla: This time, the top three qualify, and that's it.

IC: Kicked Off

The Kaza Prison Experiment. Day Six. Five people have left for various reasons. 1337 is still on hunger strike and speaking unintelligibly.

1337: *unintelligible madness* um... WE CAN SLANI HOST WC14!

A Rejistanian guard comes into 1337's cell and tortures him for swearing. A Weegies reporter, 6729, sees the incident.

6729: He didn't swear!
Guard: He did. 'Slani' is a Rejistanian expletive.
6729: Why is he using it in f*cking Eng...
Guard (interrupting): YOU F*CKING SWORE!

6729 is thrown into a cell with 1337, tearful. At this point, Milli Gram enters the prison and talks to Zimba Ardo.

MG: I've seen the images inside the cell. I've never known so many innocent, shy journalists feel such pain... they need to be released.
ZA: The experiment needs to continue.
MG: But... what's the IV?

Silence.

ZA: I think we've probably got all scientific value out of this experiment, and it probably needs termination.
MG: I would agree.
ZA: But I want to keep Alan Belmore in there.
MG: No point. There's too many Alan Belmore clones left for one to make a difference.
ZA: Fair enough. Let us capture them all.

A couple of hours later, all are released. Alan Belmore is taken to a 'real' prison in Kaza.

TO BE CONTINUED...

The Hitlist
The Stamford Prison Experiment
Alan Belmore
The TBF/AS bid
Rejistanian

The Eagles Nest

04-04-2004, 16:19

Strike Birds Lose to Gesamtkuntswerk

Game Against Mattigool Critical

With the stunning loss to group leading Gesamtkuntswerk at home, the Nest has opened themselves up to a three way race for two spots. A badly timed failure in defense late gave the Birds their second loss of the tournament.

In better news, a small security detachment has been dispatched to Melmond to retrieve and protect Horace, as his three month sentence ended today, and he will be activated for the game against Mattigool.

Really, the game defenseivly was quite pitiful. Why it was only 2-1.. and not more. Adams scored one, and they scored two, We can't win the big game, and well, who knows now. Maybe we'll lose everything, and not make this cup. I guess I can't take that, so aw, screw this column.

Scoring

The Eagle's Nest
Not enough

Gesam...whatever
1 more than we did.

*Editor's Note* We apologize for this column, but it is our tradition to run the last column of a journalist who died. Apparently his wife left him and his mistress ran off with his wife. Coupled with the fact that we were laying him off Thursday, and his car got hit by a steamroller, his house hit by a tornado, and a dog bit him, well, in a sensitive area that required 62 stitches and a prostetic...this might be understandable.

MatchDay 12 Recap
Two teams were eliminated today, and the race for the top three spots are getting close. The next three games are critical for the Nest, as the have Mattigool, and celler dwellers Formula One Racing and Fortuna Prospera. Wins in all three will go a long way to secure a qualifying slot.

Snub Nose 38

04-04-2004, 16:37

*we find ourselve...on a farm? what in the bloody blue blazes? the minister of athletcis, olympics, and alcoholic beverages is over there sitting on the tractor, making believe he's driving it - and spilling beer all over it. ben dover is leaning on a fence post watching a dozen piglets run around in circles at top speed for no apparent reason. and over by the barn door someone we know only as "margaret" is in heated discussion with a guy wearing bib overalls and a greasy green baseball cap that says "john deere" on the front in what used to be yellow*

- Can we just settle on a price?
- Well...dunno...not sure if I wanna sell 'em.
- Oh, come on! We've been over this.
- Yup. Still not sure.
- Look, it's of national importance. They could declare eminent domain, and just take 'em from you.
- Wouldn' let 'em.
- What? Are you nuts? "Them" is the government.
- Gotta shotgun in the house there...government'd get a bit of that, they try that "eminent domain" crap.
- Look, we don't want to cheat you. We just need to know how much you want, and we'll pay it, and be done.
- They's mine.
- Gack! Erk!! Phlptht!!!
- Calm down, Margaret, calm down.
- Keep your point 2 cents out of it, chum! (under her breath "i'm gonna choke the life outta this guy...)
- He just want's to socialize a bit more. Look, he's on a farm here. Lots of space, lots of land, lots of animals - but a shortage of people to talk to.
- Who...what...you got a degree is Social Work, twit?
- No...Physchology. Masters from the University of Sten, PhD from Borderlands College of Mental Science at Enfield U.
- ...oh my...you've got a doctorate...and yet...absolutely no sense what so ever...
- Say, fella - how about setting a price, so the lady doesn't have fits, we'll seal the deal, and then we can maybe have a cup of coffee, or tea?
- Well...
- Look, pal, these aren't just any ordinary chickens you got here. These chickens are special. Since Margaret here started using your chickens, the Hooligans haven't lost a match. Just won this afternoon's match with Dance 2 Revolution 2 to 0.
- Usin' my chickens. Usin' my chickens for what?
- I'm gonna...!
- Margaret, step away from the farmer.
- Urp!
- Okay, now just a little farther away. Good, that's good. Buddy, your chickens are...well, kind of like good luck charms for the Hooligans.
- Ya don't say?
- I do say.
- So...then...they must be valuable, hmmm?
- Name your price.
- Sixty VG* a chicken.
- Don't touch him, Margaret!
- Ack!!!
- Sixty VG a chicken it is, then. How may chickens you got?
- Hunert 'n' thirty.
- 9,800 VG then. Well, suppose we make it an even 10,000 and you throw in a couple of them big bags of chicken feed?
- Done!
-...Well I'll be a Monkey's Uncle! You actually accomplished something.
- A Monkey's Aunt, Margaret. You'd have to be a Monkey's Aunt.

*we are as astounded as margaret. as they all step up onto the porch and into the house for some coffee or tea, we sit down on a nearby bale of hay and shake our head. he has a phd. in phsychology. and actually sealed the deal on the chicken purchase. will wonders never cease.*

------------------------
*VG = Vodka Gimlets, the currency of Snub Nose 38

Lovebug

04-04-2004, 17:10

LOVEBUG DAILY UPDATE PAGE

http://www.nationstates.net/images/flags/uploads/lovebug.jpg

The Group and Rankings

[code:1:ab7b20b60c]

Group 5
Pts W D L GF:GA GD
1. Snub Nose 38 34 11 1 0 26: 3 23
2. Warnocks Wizards 24 7 3 2 11: 3 8
3. The Lowland Clans 21 7 0 5 19: 7 12
4. The Belmore Family 18 6 3 3 10: 7 3
5. Dance 2 Revolution 18 4 6 2 7: 4 3
6. Lovisa 17 5 2 5 8:11 -3
7. Aserjin 11 2 5 5 4:11 -7
8. Lovebug 11 3 2 7 9:19 -10
9. Compound Interest 5 1 2 9 5:19 -14
10.Vilita 5 1 2 9 3:18 -15
The Belmore Family was deducted 3 points
[/code:1:ab7b20b60c]

TODAY'S MATCHUP - FEATURING LOVEBUG & THE BELMORE FAMILY

A MESSAGE FROM THE LNSNN - The team arrived at TBF's Stadium early the morning of the match up. It was an cloudy, dark day as the Bulldog's stepped out on to the field to begin the pre-game practice. We had no idea what we would be up against, all we knew is that we had to play hard, work hard to win this matchup - if for nothing else than the morale of the team, and the love of their country. The team seemed in top form despite all the losses, but it would be of no use. As the team took the field for the match up they all shouted what has become their nations battle cry :
Apau Ka inoa O aloha, ho'okahi wa hou Ka inoa O aloha.

The game began and from the get go I could tell it was going to be a bad day for the Bulldog's... we we're slower, they we're faster; they seemed to know every move, before we we're going to make it. Within minutes they scored the first of several goals. Our defense was able to hold them off for awhile but in the end they we're able to score when we couldn't make anything go into the net. TBF scored twice in the last 15 minutes, each time they powered past the defenders, and unfortunately the goalie was unable to block the shot. Final Score - Lovebug (0) - TBF (3).

TOMMOROW'S MATCHUP - FEATURES LOVEBUG & VILITA

[code:1:ab7b20b60c]
Predictions for Tommorow's Group 5 Match Ups

Warnocks Wizards will win against Dance 2 Revolution (3-1)
Snub Nose 38 will win against Lovisa (3-0)
The Lowland Clans will win against Compound Interest (1-0)
The Belmore Family will win against Aserjin (2-1)
Lovebug will win against Vilita (1-0)

[/code:1:ab7b20b60c]

The Weegies

04-04-2004, 18:03

OOC: Damn forums ate my Kaze post. Big long one too.

Weegies March On

The Weegies have made up for their Sliponia slip-up by making sure they don't lose points against the more minor teams in the group, with wins against Crystilokere, The Alan Belmore Army (with a considerable relish considering The Belmore Family still ignore the plight of the Weegie-based protest group LSD), and Lennon-Marx.

The group is still open though, with Sliponia, One Red Dot and Giant Zucchini also putting forth major campaigns, and Timway is still capable, mathematically, of staging a comeback to take them to the finals.

Giant Zucchini also lost away to NASTIC 2, feeding Weegie hopes that they could take the top spot back from Giant Zucchini, or even defeat them at home.

The big international revelation this World Cup, however, has been Piccolo, the speedy left winger, whose crosses have set up many of the Weegie goals, and has grabbed a few himself through some skilful attacking. It's possible we wouldn't be where we are without Piccolo in the wing, although the striking and defensive partnerships have also gelled well to take the Weegies within grasping range of the finals.

Gesamtkuntswerk

04-04-2004, 20:05

Sturm offensive unstoppable, defensive wall

The Gesamtkuntswerk Sturms have amazed and wowed fans and foes alike in the qualifying rounds of WCXIII. Though the qualifiers are far from over, Gesamtkuntswerk is one of the only team to boast a loss-free record thus far, and has the lowest goal allowance in the league (tied with Giant Zucchini at 2). Coach Ua Kialle chalks it all up to his new, comprehensive training schedule: [translated from Irish Gaelic] "You see, I saw what [former head coach] Mierph was driving into the team, and I saw a powerful assault with almost no consideration to defensive tactics. I brought the team back to basics for a couple of weeks, then I built them back up from a defensive perspective. The result: the back lines are powerful, but they've never lost the Sturm offensive that makes them so popular. They know how to play with the best of them, now, on both ends of the court. Now they're ready for anybody, as we've been showing the world consistently this year."

Melmond

04-04-2004, 20:05

Gloom and Doom
Melmond’s Qualifying Hopes, Theys Eluay’s Leg, Shattered
By Boo Teefull of the Cali Tribune

CALI, MELMOND—The attendance was announced as a sellout of 37,500 fans at Xpress Counsel Field. However, as the old cliché goes, many of the fans seem to be disguised as empty seats. Many of Cali’s beautiful people who had tickets to the games were no shows as a steady rain poured on the city of Cali throughout the whole day. In their effort to avoid the gloom, the beautiful people of Cali missed one heck of a melodrama.
The gloom of the dark gray open sky was the perfect omen of what lies ahead for both teams, the Fearless Farmers of Melmond and the Crocodiles of Tanah Burung. At kickoff, it just appeared that it was a mere dramatic background for the crucial battle. It was clear that Tanah Burung had brought their A game and the Fearless Farmers may have brought their B game.
Upset over a pathetic performance against Alpha Commune as well as attention being put upon the RPanout scandal involving ex-Tanah Burung striker Runu Kakune, Tanah Burung had utter determination to take back the headlines for their football abilities. The Crocodiles at a fierce gaze in their eyes and the Fearless Farmers may actually have betrayed the “Fearless” part of their moniker. The Tanah Burung midfield just seemed to mow down without a problem the Melmond midfielders and defenders. However, Tanah Burung seemed to be a bit too excited as they had many chance to score goals, all there shot were off target, usually just plain over kicked.
With their dominance, a Tanah Burung breakthrough was inevitable. It came at the 20th minute where the dynamic duo of Theys Eluay and Tom Beanal seemed as if they could read each others mind. Eluay appeared to be ready to strike until a back heel pass to Beanal caught Melmond goalkeeper Cory Yankovic by surprise and Beanal just drilled a shot right into the net. It was 1-nil in favor of the Crocodiles and the first half would end with the same score, with a charged up Crocodiles heading to the locker room as confident as ever and the Fearless Farmers as defeated as ever.
Manager Felix Coostatlwak was very disgusted by the first half performance. He is going to make the same decision which helped the Fearless Farmers gain a win against Raptor Claw. He is going to use all three of his substitutions: Scott Cheney in for Sergio Ortiz, Chara Effitont in for Cristina Antunez and Taxt in for Benjamin Leeb.
Unlike the Raptor Claw game, these substitutions didn’t do a thing. At the 59th minute, Crocodile striker Maria Miskita makes a flying header into the net off a Suparman cross. Tanah Burung takes the 2-nil lead and the Melmond crowd is reduced to a slight buzz which is augmented by a small yet vocal contingent of wildly happy Tanah Burung fans who made the trip.
However, fans of both sides are to be silenced as Melmond’s situation was going to go from bad to worse and Tanah Burung’s situation was going to go from absolutely wonderful to absolutely disastrous.
Melmond seemed to have earned a free kick in dangerous territory, right outside of the Tanah Burung goalies box, when Taxt was tripped by Tanah Burung defender Jose Ramos. The yellow card came out, but it was to Taxt for diving! Melmond took the veil with their impending loss, but leave it to Taxt to take the dive.
The malice was just beginning, as Theys Eluay came into striking distance, as he was trying to make a nifty dribbling move around Melmond defender Paul “Edgy” Shields, Shields makes a rather high tackle and SNAP! Theys Eluay’s tibia and fibula were now four, the bones sticking out. Horrified screams echoes Xpress Counsel Field, but none more horrifying than the screams of pain emanating out of Elauy’s vocal cords. Eluay’s leg was shattered and looked like an s-curve. Shields got the immediate Red Card at the 75th minute. About ten minutes of injury time was taken as trainers from both Tanah Burung and Melmond came to Eluay’s aid. As Eluay was taken by ambulance to Sister Billie Memorial Hospital, a cheer roared from the crowd as all wished the best for him.
The Fearless Farmers may have lost the game 2-nil and their dreams of going to the World Cup Final, but one can argue that Tanah Burung lost much more. They have the Runu Kakune scandal dogging them and now a career-threatening injury to star striker Theys Eluay. Reports from Sister Billie Memorial says that early surgery on Eluay’s leg was successful as well as a CUR3 spell. Theys will be able to walk again, however he won’t be able to play the rest of qualifying or the World Cup Final. If he ever plays again depends on the care in Tanah Burung and his determination. Coach Jose Ruak will have to make major adjustments to keep his Crocs dominant. As for Paul “Edgy” Shields, he is suspended for two matches for the red card and may be suspended even longer by the WCC.

Goals
Beanal, TBG 20th
Miskita, TBG 59th

Cards
Taxt, MEL 67th
Shields, MEL 75th

Standings

Other Group 1 Results
Alpha Commune 0 – BSE Free Bovines 0
Kingsford 0 – Svecia 1
Ravenspire 1 – Raptor Claw 0
Stalag 5 1 – Skipdonia 0

[code:1:ca2158c3f8]Group 1
Pts W D L GF:GA GD
1. Tanah Burung 30 10 0 2 24: 4 20
2. Ravenspire 27 9 0 3 20: 9 11
3. Svecia 26 8 2 2 17: 4 13
4. Kingsford 21 6 3 3 13: 7 6
5. Stalag 5 19 5 4 3 13:12 1
6. Melmond 14 4 2 6 10:18 -8
7. Skipdonia 9 3 0 9 5:16 -11
8. BSE Free Bovines 8 1 5 6 8:16 -8
9. Raptor Claw 7 1 4 7 5:17 -12
10.Alpha Commune 7 1 4 7 3:15 -12[/code:1:ca2158c3f8]

Melmond Team Stats
Goals: Critandi Unne (4), Chris Owen (2), Diallo Unne (1), Camui Arai (1), Martin Goodwin (1), Benjamin Leeb (1)
Cards: Cristina Antunez (2), Jonsi Torrini (2), Paul “Edgy” Shields (1,1), Nina Steen (1), Taxt (1)

Melmond National Team Schedule

@ Svecia L 4-0
v Skipdonia (Farmers Field, Melmond City) W 1-0
@ Tanah Burung L 2-0
v BSE Free Bovines (Lifedonations Stadium, Morales) W 1-0
@ Raptor Claw W 2-1
v Ravenspire (Microcosm Stadium, Aldi) L 2-0
@ Alpha Commune T 1-1
@ Kingsford L 2-0
v Stalag 5 (Walladome, Acosta) T 1-1
v Svecia (Unne Sports Temple, Unne) L 2-1
@ Skipdonia W 3-1
v Tanah Burung (Xpress Counsel Field, Cali) L 2-0
@ BSE Free Bovines
v Raptor Claw (Woocat Books Ballpark, O’Connor)
@ Ravenspire
v Alpha Commune (MPNK Stadium, Faasen)
v Kingsford (TBA)
@ Stalag 5

Next Game
at BSE Free Bovines

The Fearless Farmers are basically all but out of it and the rest of their games are basically primers for the Cup of Harmony. This match at the Pasture in Barnville should be one of the most interesting showdowns. The Fearless Farmers beat the Bovines at home thanks to the help of a gassy fan. The Bovines have proven to be tough at the Pasture and may feel as if they have something to prove as Horace has defected to the Eagle’s Nest. The Fearless Farmers have improved greatly since the first showdown. The Fearless Farmers will have to weather the loss of veteran defender Paul “Edgy” Shields for the next two matches and probably longer. With the exception of Shields, Felix Coostatlwak will welcome the return of Jonsi Torrini and will have the same starting lineup on opening day.

GK- Cory Yankovic
D- Jonsi Torrini
D- Sergio Ortiz
D- Phael Survigosis
D- Nina Steen
M- Martin Goodwin
M- Critandi Unne
M- Camui Arai
M- Cristina Antunez
F- Chris Owen
F- Benjamin Leeb

For tickets to BSE Free Bovines and the games call Therewegoes Travel Agency at 3-18-357-9009. The nation is basically becoming overrun by corporate fascists and since Horace is no longer around, we suggest you just check out the game. Don’t eat the BLTs!

Melmond

04-04-2004, 20:05

This double post is brought to you by Xpress Counsel. We perform extreme makeovers on body, wardrobe, and mind. Check out our main office in cosmopolitan Cali.

Squornshelous

04-04-2004, 20:43

Squornshelous Sweeps Jaegermeistria, Haraki
In matchdays 10 and 11, the Pchychoes recorded a pair of 1-0 wins to copmlete their sweeps of both Haraki and Jegermeistria.

The game against Jaegermeistria was marked by total domination by the Pchychoes. Recording 12 shots on goal to their opponents' 5, it is truly amazing that they didn't score more. The Jaegermeistrian keeper's busy day began in the 15th minute. Koren Jackson, Jamal Richards and Francisco Chavez brought the ball upfield opposed by only 2 defenders. Richards drew one of the defeders to the outside and then lobbed the ball back into the middle for Jackson, who went up for the header with (player). Jackson headed the ball backwards for Chavez, who made a run on goal. He fired from 16 yards, and sent the ball slamming into the crossbar. As the defenders recovered, (goalkeeper) easily caught the ball for the save. Chavez got another chance in the 23rd minute, coming up on the recieveing end of a perfectly placed pass from Tito Rivera. This time the ball was on target, but the keeper puched it clear. While the defender tried to clear it, a frustrated Chavez came in with a slightly wild tackle, knocking him over. The whistle sounded and the referee showed a yellow card. The free kick was interecepted however, and Jacksonwove through defeders toward the goal. He sent a lob that seemed to hang in the air for an eternity across the box for Sammy Brooks, who headed it toward the corner of the net. The keepre was on his toes, however, and made the save easily. Squornshelous finally borke the scoreless tie in the 63rd minute. Koren Jackson drew two defeders to the left side of the field, leaving the way open for Brooks to slice through the middle of the defence. He looked up, and then sent a hard pass to Jamal Richards in the corner, who sent the ball back across the goalkeeper and into the corener of the goal. Later, in the 84th minute, Chavez almost scored again. He was about to shoot from just outside the box, whe he was tackled from behind. Losing his cool with frustrated shooting attempts, he got up and shoved the offendeing Jaegermeitrian player to the ground. The ref gave (player a yellow card for a tackle from behind, and Chavez was sent off with a red card. After Rivera sent the free kick over the crossbar, shorthanded Squornshelous backed off to play defence until the final Whistle sounded.

Final Score:
Squornshelous 1-0 Jaegermeistria

Scoring Summary:
S: Richards 63

Booking Summary:
S: Chavez 23 (yellow)
J: (player) 84 (yellow)
S: Chavez 84 (red)

In matchday 11, Cup rookie Tobias Jones made his first career start in place of the suspended Francisco Chavez. Zeke Fredericks moved up to his spot on the subsittute roster. This game proved to be a true defensive battle, with neither side getting a good scoring chance until well into the second half. The defenders on both sides played superbly, anticipating the forwards' every move. Finally, in the 59th minute, Jamal Richards broke free down the sideline and sent the ball to the inside. Jackson trapped it off his thigh, but his shooting lane was blocked by defenders. Instead, he passed to The rookie Jones, who sent the ball flying past the keeper. After a legthyer than usual celebration, the Squornshelan defense put the clamps on, and did not allow another shot for the rest of the game.

Final Score:
Squornshelous 1-0 Haraki

Scoring Summary:
Jones 59

[b]Squornshelous Records Decisive win over Lemmitania. The Pschychoes made a statement of their intentions today witha 2-0 win over group rival Lemmitania. Tobias Jones started again, with Chavez' suspension still in effect, and scored again. In the 47th minute, He recieved the ball and began weaving through defenders with incredibly fluid movements, he seemed to hesitate for a moment at the top of the 18-yard box, and fired a ball into the net that left the keeper standing. When asked about this new rookie sensation, coach Newsome said, "He reminded me of Koren [Jackson]." The Pschychoes, energized by this new talent among them, scored again in the 54th minute, on a corner kick. Sammy Brooks floated the ball in and the ever present Koren Jackson added one more goal to his tally. Following this goal, Squornshelous reconfigured from 3-2-1-2-1-1 to 5-3-1-1 with the outside midfielders dropping back to defend. Once again, the Squornshelan defence shut down their opponents, allowing only two more shots on goal, and both of those from well outside the danger area.

Final Score:
Squornshelous 2-0 Lemmitania

Scoring Summary
S: Jones 47
S: Jackson 54

Group 7 results after Matchday 12
[code:1:925fed3671]
Group 7
Pts W D L GF:GA GD
1. Squornshelous 30 9 3 0 20: 3 17
2. Antaeus Rising 27 8 3 1 19: 4 15
3. Jeruselem 24 7 3 2 21:13 8
4. Creedence Clearwater 23 7 2 3 20:11 9
5. Lemmitania 22 6 4 2 18: 7 11
6. Grand master Mark 19 6 1 5 16:11 5
7. The Republican Army 12 4 0 8 8:19 -11
8. Jaegermeistria 6 1 3 8 4:17 -13
9. Haraki 6 1 3 8 3:22 -19
10.New Cyprus 0 0 0 12 3:25 -22

[/code:1:925fed3671]

Melmond

04-04-2004, 22:32

Melmond Football Footnotes

Horace to Join The Eagle's Nest in Mattigool
Former BSE Free Bovines mascot and former groundskeeper Horace will be making his Eagle's Nest debut in a critical game in Mattigool. Horace actually played some football for the BSE Free Bovines in a game vs. Holy India where he and the tea bag had a showdown on the pitch. Horace seemed to be one heck of a defender and I would expect Horace to play fullback. Horace's story in Melmond is not completely over however. For his great job groundskeeping in Morales, the Morales Blacks are interested in hiring Horace as full time groundskeeper. The Morales Black along with other clubs in the Melmond Premier League are showing interest in Horace as a football player.

Last Melmond home match to be at Farmers Field
You will no longer see a "TBA" right next to the match against Kingsford as historic Farmers Field has been chosen as the site for the final home match in Melmond's World Cup 13 qualifying season. The reasons cited for this decision is that Melmond City, where Farmers Field is located, is the capital and largest city in Melmond. The only game they have seen was against a weak Skipdonian team where Melmond won 1-0 in their first victory ever. Farmers Field only seats 35,000, therefore the MFA thought that Melmond City fans should get a chance to see another game against a quality side such as Kingsford. With the large Melmond Bowl under construction, this could be the last ever football game at Farmers Field unless....

Melmond to Bid for Right to Host Cup of Harmony
In a rather ambitious move by the Melmond Football Association, the MFA will make a bid to host the Cup of Harmony. MFA Princess Tasa Seegwun believes that, "hosting the Cup of Harmony will boost the popularity of football in Melmond as well as show the WCC that we are capable of hosting big time events." Certainly the effort the MFA has put into the Fearless Farmers' first campaign should put a positive light on the Melmond bid. The Cup of Harmony is basically the NIT of NationStates Football Competition, a tournament for those who do not qualify for the World Cup Final.

Eauz

05-04-2004, 00:39

Le LIBRE

The next match for Les Bleus is against basement dweller Zephyrs, who has not played well against many teams. Though, the last match Les Bleus played against Zephyrs was well played on both sides. Even though, Les Bleus won 2 – 0, Zephyrs came out with a strong attack. Zephyrs though played on their home field, and could have had the fans on their side, keeping the scores low. Les Bleus though, will not be concentrating on this match, but for the next match against Europa Brittania. To encourage the team, tickets have been sold for half the price to watch Les Bleus, and bring back the spirit of Les Bleus. Experts say, no mater what the price of the ticket is, Les Bleus must prove to the fans that they are a winning team. If Les Bleus can beat Europa Brittania, it would be a big moral booster.

Svecia

05-04-2004, 04:03

SVENCIKA KVÄLLSTIDNING

WIN ONLY A SMALL VICTORY
Sleepy match versus Kingsford moves Group 1 rankings little
Måndag, 5 April, 2004

Kingsford - Despite a horribly boring match, Svecia emerged with the 1-0 victory on the road at current fourth place holder Kingsford.

Neither team seemed very inspired to win this match, even after Mikael Solskjaer scored a very dull goal in the 78th minute.

Kingsford dropped behind the three leaders in Group 1, but all three have yet to play each other in the final matches of qualifying. Svecia still lies in third place.

Svecia

05-04-2004, 04:04

Mattigool

05-04-2004, 08:14

Mattigool Sports

Gools waste oppurtunity to reach 2nd place

(Goolsund) It was a disappointing performance of the Gools last night at Goolsund Park. The team lost 0-4 against 2nd placed The Eagles Nest and wasted its opportuninity to pass TEN. The Gools did not find any means to break the strong TEN defense and their quick counterattacks. The Gools are now on place 4, even with Commerce Heights. With 5 matches left they still can qualifiy but have to win all their final matches. This seems almost impossible, because they still have to meet unbeaten leader Gesamtkunstwerk and Commerce Heights. Although both matches will be played at Goolsund, it does not grant success as the last match against TEN shows.

Final Scoring
MATTIGOOL 0
THE EAGLES NEST 4

All results from Group 4
Anti-Nazis 0 Commerce Heights 0
Formula One Racing 0 Gesamtkuntswerk 2
Mattigool 0 The Eagles Nest 4
Mordecei 1 Fortuna Prospera 1
Vozvyshennost 0 Gleam Street 0

[code:1:8f8c23c6b1]
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * Pts W* D* L GF:GA GD
1. Gesamtkuntswerk* * * * * 33 10* 3* 0 19: 2 17
2. The Eagles Nest* * * * * 29* 9* 2* 2 20: 6 14
3. Commerce Heights* * * * *25* 7* 4* 2 17: 6 11
4. Mattigool* * * * * * * * 25* 8* 1* 4 17:11* 6
5. Anti-Nazis* * * * * * * *22* 6* 4* 3 19:10* 9
6. Vozvyshennost* * * * * * 21* 6* 3* 4 15: 8* 7
7. Formula One Racing* * * *10* 3* 1* 9* 5:16 -11
8. Fortuna Prospera* * * * *10* 3* 1* 9* 6:20 -14
9. Mordecei* * * * * * * * * 4* 0* 4* 9* 4:22 -18
10.Gleam Street* * * * * * * 3* 0* 3 10* 2:23 -21
[/code:1:8f8c23c6b1]

A Vozvyshennost 0:1
H Anti-Nazis 2:0
A Mordecei 1:0
A The Eagles Nest 1:2
H Fortuna Prospera 4:0
A Commerce Heights 3:2
H Gleam Street 1:0
A Gesamtkuntswerk 0:1
H Formula One Racing 1:0
H Vozvyshennost 0:0
A Anti-Nazis 2:1
H Mordecei 2:0
H The Eagles Nest 0:4
A Fortuna Prospera
H Commerce Heights
A Gleam Street
H Gesamtkuntswerk
A Formula One Racing

Kaze Progressa

05-04-2004, 08:18

Kicked Off

The Progressair Stadium. Alex The Tall have scored a 79th-minute equaliser from a header from Alex The Tall himself. Standing 16ft tall, that should be no surprise. He has had twenty-nine headers in this game so far, but has put twenty-eight of them over the bar. This time, he didn't.

All eleven players of Kaze Progressa immediately try and slice the head of Alex The Tall off. Chants of 'Off with his head!' ring around the whole stadium. The only one going off, however, is Ertal 'The Pirate' Lubbarez, who is shown a straight red card.

Ertal to the referee: YOU STUPID LANDLUBBER! THIS GUY'S A GODMOD!

Crowd chants: THERE'S ONLY n+1 GODMODS! THERE'S ONLY n+1 GODMODS!

Ertal reluctantly leaves. The final score is 1-1.

Most of the crowd are beginning to rise up in anger now. The Progressans remain sixth in the group and seemingly certain not to qualify.

Crowd chants (to the tune of 'Campione'): MARGARET'S SCREWED US, MARGARET'S SCREWED US, OH-OHHHHH-OHHHHHHH-OHHHH... (Repeat endlessly)

The Hitlist
Alex The Tall
Commerce Heights' Alan Belmore mockery
Margaret
Campione

Tanah Burung

05-04-2004, 10:24

Crash and burn?

Tanah Burung's "firewagon football" was on full display in the rainy city of Cali against Melmond. The Crocodiles brought their most enthusiastic game and came away with a 2-0 win. Tom Beanal scored for the third match running and Maria Miskita returned to the scorer's circle. The Friendly Farmers were knocked out of contention after an inspiring run and all seemed to be unfolding according to plan.

The big news, however, was a bone-splitting injury to star striker Theys Eluay, who with a broken leg may never return to World Cup football: a hard blow for someone who in first World Cup campaign was shaping up to be a star. Eluay scored a pair of goals against Melmond back on match day three, and the Ferocious Farmers may have been looking for revenge.

"This kind of vicious, petty thuggery deserves far more than a two-match supension," said an angry Crocs manager Jose Ruak. "A fine player has seen his career ended by an unprovoked on-field attack. The goon who committed this outrage should also be thrown out of World Cup football for life. Violence is never acceptable in football: never."

Ruak shifted to a 4-4-2 formation, starting substitute Joao Saldanha as the fourth midfielder in place of the injured Eluay. But the loss was immediately evident agaisnt Stalag 5, as the Crocs offence failed to spark in a match played at Tiga Burung stadium. Miskita and Beanal were unable to mesh their attacks, and only Anderson Mutang was able to score, converting a penalty kick with a shot that curved around the Stalag wall. But Stalag-5 equalized and the match ended in a draw.

"Without Theys, i am nothing," said a dejected Beanal after the match. "It as if my soul has been stolen." In what is being called a "temporary adjustment, Beanal has been taken out of the starting line-up (which remains 4-4-2) in favour of Mari Bin Amude, Miskita's team-mate with Black-and-Red Army in the League of Emerald Heights Association Football.

Worst yet, the shattered Crocs travel face nemesis Svecia in their next match. The Lightning has dominated Tanah Burung, winning all three head-to-head matches between the veteran sides, including a 5-0 drubbing four years ago. "We will have to show a lot of character," said coach Ruak. "But i think we can do it."

Results:
Melmond 0 Tanah Burung 2 (Beanal, Miskita)
Tanah Burung 1 Stalag-5 1 (Mutang)

Crocs leading scorers
Miskita 9
Eluay 5
Beanal 5
Mutang 3
Maubere 1
Nazir 1

Official statement regarding "Runu Kakune"

The Tanah Burung Football Association categorically denies the existence of an alleged player known as "Runu Kakune," recently reported by media based in Melmond. Such a player never existed and does not exist now. Both goals credited to Ms Kakune in the Melmondian media were in fact scored by Theys Eluay. There is a Kakune tribe in the province of Burung Paradis, but no member of this group can be identified by the name of Runu. In fact, the tribe shuns the sport of football, preferring competitive coconut husking and carving. Any reports regarding "Runu Kakune" are clearly the result of hallucinations brought on by excessive consumptin of fermented turnip juice. That is all.

Bi Kikere
People's representative for sports & territorial defence
United Provinces of Tanah Burung

Halfassedstates

05-04-2004, 13:24

Sowhatsville News

Sherwood sinks Steves Island once again!

With the run of 8 consecutive wins being halted by the draw with Nikea, the Halfassed Hurricanes headed across the FIFA region to Steve's Island for the latest match in the qualifing campaign. Star striker Robin Sherwood returned to the starting line-up after finally being cleared fit to play by doctors after the Indigo Islands incident.

It took just under 20 minutes for him to mark his comeback with a goal. Playing as the centre of the front 3, Sherwood played a quick 1-2 with Gregg, before sliding the ball beyond the keeper into the net.

On the stroke of half-time, Sherwood got his second of the game. This time Gregg played in Smith, who got to the by-line before cutting the ball back for Sherwood to tap in.

2-0 was how the game stayed, Sherwood missing out on a hat-trick late on when he struck the post, but that apart chances were non-existant in a boring second period.

"It was great to get back into the swing of things." Said Sherwood after the game. "I enjoy the atmosphere of internation football and I seem to have a good record against other FIFA sides, so I was glad to be playing to-day."

The win means that the Hurricanes keep in touch with Nikea at the top of group two with five games remaining. Next up are Brazillico. If the 'canes beat the chilli bats, it would take a lot of pressure off the team for the remaining games. However, the 'bats' will be arriving in the Commonwealth Stadium knowing that defeat in Whogivesa will seriousy dent their own qualification hopes. The pressure( :wink: ) will be enormous!

Eauz

05-04-2004, 13:41

Le LIBRE

Important win, raises moral

Coming back home from a 1 – 0 loss to Liverpool England, Les Bleus looked to bounce back, and get out of this slump against Zephyrs the last place team in group 8. The match would also prove to be valuable against the other top teams fighting for first.

With a reasonable sized amount of fans watching the match, Les Bleus came onto the field with a wounded moral. Les Bleus though would ignore that, as they came out fighting. In the first half, Joseph Coeur, a midfielder for Les Bleus stated off an early attack, kicking the ball towards the net, Joseuf, deflected it with his head, putting it in the net, at the 18th minute, putting Les Bleus up 1 – 0 early. The early 1 – 0 lead would hold up, right to the first half break.

The second half brought about a red card from mid-fielder of Les Bleus Louis Méseu, as he hit a player of Zephyrs. Méseu will miss 2 matches, thus against Europa Brittania and Redavic Union. This is not something Les Bleus wanted, going up against the strongest team of the group with 2 key players missing. During the 65th minute of play Attacker Michël Louis of Les Bleus scored on a low kick to the right side of the net putting Les Bleus up 2 – 0, and providing them the security goal. With the security goal, Les Bleus would play very conservative, not to cause injury, or bring about another penalty against the team. The coach new he would need everyone healthy and there possible to play against Europa Brittania. The match finished 2 – 0, restarting Youseuv’s shutout streak at 90 minutes.

With the win, Les Bleus found out that they had gained some ground with it. Gormith had beat Europa Brittania 1 – 0, and Liverpool tied a 0 – 0 match with surprise team Tadjikistan. Les Bleus are now 2 points away from Europa Brittania and first place, and 4 points ahead of Liverpool England, providing them with a little security. Though, it was expected that Europa Brittania would lose, because the last time EB and Gormith met, Gormith won by the same score. Les Bleus though, will be looking to be the surprise against EB and possibly having a little bit of Gormith’s luck. Les Bleus though will have to ignore the crazy fans of a championship team. If Les Bleus loose, look for one reason to be because of the fans. More information about the next match later…

Round 1: Tadjikistan @ Eauz W 0 - 4
Round 2: Eauz @ Intelligent Madness W 4 - 0
Round 3: Liverpool England @ Eauz W 1 - 2
Round 4: Eauz @ Zephyrs W 2 - 0
Round 5: Europa Brittania @ Eauz L 1 - 0
Round 6: Eauz @ The Redavic Union W 2 - 0
Round 7: Just an egg @ Eauz W 0 - 1
Round 8: Eauz @ Gormith W 4 - 0
Round 9: East Spaam @ Eauz W 0 - 1
Round 10: Eauz @ Tadjikistan T 0 - 0
Round 11: Intelligent Madness @ Eauz W 0 - 4
Round 12: Eauz @ Liverpool England L 0 - 1
Round 13: Zephyrs @ Eauz W 0 - 2
Round 14: Eauz @ Europa Brittania
Round 15: The Redavic Union @ Eauz
Round 16: Eauz @ Just an Egg
Round 17: Gormith @ Eauz
Round 18: East Spaam @ Eauz

[code:1:0e694b0d18]
Group 8
Pts W D L GF:GA GD
1. Europa Brittania 33 11 0 2 25: 5 20
2. Eauz 31 10 1 2 26: 3 23
3. Liverpool England 27 8 3 2 23: 8 15
4. East Spaam 22 7 1 5 21:12 9
5. The Redavic Union 19 6 1 6 14:18 -4
6. Gormith 17 4 5 4 12:14 -2
7. Tadjikistan 14 3 5 5 9:18 -9
8. Just an egg 7 1 4 8 4:18 -14
9. Intelligent Madness 7 1 4 8 6:27 -21
10.Zephyrs 4 0 4 9 5:22 -17
[/code:1:0e694b0d18]

Eauz

05-04-2004, 13:54

Le LIBRE

Stats and information

With Match Day 13 over, it leaves only 5 matches left, and also leaves some teams out of the race. Currently, there are 3 teams eliminated from qualifying, in Just an Egg, Intelligent Madness and Zephyrs. These teams will be playing as spoilers for the rest of the qualifying round. If Tadjikistan loses the next match, they will be eliminated, leaving only 6 teams to fight out for the top 3 positions. If the qualifying round were over, Europa Brittania would win the group, Eauz would be second, and Liverpool England would come in 3rd.

Stats after 13 match days for Group 8:

Most Goals For: Eauz (26)
Least Goals For: Just an Egg (4)
Most Goals against: The Redivac Union, Tadjikistan (18 )
Least Goals against: Eauz (3)
Most Wins: Europa Brittania (11)
Least Wins: Zephyrs (0)
Most Losses: Zephyrs (9)
Least Losses: Europa Brittania, Eauz, Liverpool England (2)
Highest Goal Difference: Eauz (+23)
Lowest Goal Difference: Intelligent Madness (-21)

[code:1:ac5affa6b8]
Group 8
Pts W D L GF:GA GD PP
1. Europa Brittania 33 11 0 2 25: 5 20 48
2. Eauz 31 10 1 2 26: 3 23 46
3. Liverpool England 27 8 3 2 23: 8 15 42
4. East Spaam 22 7 1 5 21:12 9 37
5. The Redavic Union 19 6 1 6 14:18 -4 34
6. Gormith 17 4 5 4 12:14 -2 32
7. Tadjikistan 14 3 5 5 9:18 -9 29
8. Just an egg 7 1 4 8 4:18 -14 22 ELIM
9. Intelligent Madness 7 1 4 8 6:27 -21 22 ELIM
10.Zephyrs 4 0 4 9 5:22 -17 19 ELIM
[/code:1:ac5affa6b8]

Audioslavia

05-04-2004, 13:58

Druids Avenged
'slaves five points from certain qualification

Audioslavia took revenge on the NEWI Cefn Druids for their 2-0 defeat three months ago to thrash the Druids 4-1 in an enjoyable match in the SNA.

The result however, flatters the 'slaves somewhat. Although Aaron O`Malley opened the scoring on twenty-three minutes with a diving header from a Jensen cross, the Druids equalised on the stroke of half-time through a Simon Greaves penalty after Reid pulled down Simpson on the edge of the box.

After being pegged back to 1-1, the 'slaves started the second half over-cautiously, and almost paid for it as Frederiksson nicked the ball off of a casual pass by Branson and played Greaves in, who was unlucky to see his finish hit the wrong side of the upright.

Frederksson then had a chance of his own which brought a spectacular save from Robert Jones.

15 more minutes of pressure saw Frederiksson mis-hit a volley from six-yards, Trevor head a good cross over the bar, and Simpson almost claiming another penalty after being upended by O`Hara. The ref however, saw otherwise and gave a free-kick on the edge of the box, giving O`Hara a yellow card.

The Druids wasted the free-kick, and in the blink of an eye, Audioslavia counter-attacked. O`Hara flicked the ball over Willow's shoulder, who sprinted past a frightened Kallins and crossed the ball in for O`Malley to put the 'slaves into an undeserved 2-1 lead.

Finding themselves 2-1 down with a quarter of an hour left, the Druids' heads fell, and Audioslavia found themselves controlling the play for the first time in an hour. Substitute Kieran Murphy found his first goal since he lost his place in the side, breaking through a gap in the defence and smashing the ball over Erg's head and in off the bar, before Jackie Croft delivered the final blow with a well-taken header in injury time.

Final Score
Audioslavia 4 (O`Malley 23, 74, Murphy 85, Croft 90+1)
NEWI Cefn Druids 1 (Greaves 43PEN)

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Group 10
Pts W D L GF:GA GD
1. Audioslavia 33 11 0 2 27: 6 21
2. Dennisov 29 9 2 2 19: 7 12
3. Bedistan 26 7 5 1 20: 5 15
4. Avenging Altos 23 7 2 4 23:12 11
5. Iansisle 18 5 3 5 12:12 0
6. NEWI Cefn Druids 18 5 3 5 13:15 -2
7. Magnus Valerius 17 4 5 4 14:15 -1
8. Fahigland 7 2 1 10 4:27 -23
9. Free Radicals of Mu-Mu 6 1 3 9 6:19 -13
10.Resistencia 5 1 2 10 4:24 -20 [/code:1:ed100cd80c]

Audioslavia remain four points clear of Dennisov in second, with a whopping lead in goal-difference as well. Dennisov are three points ahead of Bedistan, and Bedistan are three points ahead of Avenging Altos, meaning theres still everything to play for. Iansisle and NEWI Cefn Druids keep struggling in fifth and sixth. The two teams need to make up eight points with five games to go. Magnus Valerius are still just one point behind after thumping Fahigland 3-0, whilst theres still no change in the bottom three.

Jeruselem

05-04-2004, 14:09

Jeruselem Government News

No problems with 13-13 for Jeruselem

World Cup XIII, and round 13! Bad for the Crusaders? No way!
A reserve-grade Jeruselem brushed aside Haraki 3-1 and stay 3rd in group 7.

With Jeruselem fans waving lucky 13 in the crowd, a reserve-grade Jeruselem team beat the hapless Haraki 3-1. With goals to Stuart (30), Holdstein (45) and Shamona (64) to Haraki's sole goal Play X (70), it was sheer mismatch. Not bothering to field main players for the big game, the reserve team had a good run and performed well under pressure.

Captain Stuart (taken from U-21s) talked to the press "I know our opponent wasn't a challeging one, but our young team did well. Our seniors were rested and we hope we made an impression to be selected for really big games. 3-1 is a great win considering our inexperience."

Former-Holy Latin Empire (my other puppet, OK) player Simian Jacob played for 45 minutes in his first international game. "It was great. We were nothing, no one in WC XI but we have shown the world Jeruselem is ready to take on the big boys".

Group 7: Haraki 1 Jeruselem 3
Group 7: Jaegermeistria 1 Antaeus Rising 1
Group 7: Lemmitania 1 Grand master Mark 0
Group 7: Squornshelous 2 Creedence Clearwater 1
Group 7: The Republican Army 3 New Cyprus 1

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Group 7
Pts W D L GF:GA GD
1. Squornshelous 33 10 3 0 22: 4 18
2. Antaeus Rising 28 8 4 1 20: 5 15
3. Jeruselem 27 8 3 2 24:14 10
4. Lemmitania 25 7 4 2 19: 7 12
5. Creedence Clearwater 23 7 2 4 21:13 8
6. Grand master Mark 19 6 1 6 16:12 4
7. The Republican Army 15 5 0 8 11:20 -9
8. Jaegermeistria 7 1 4 8 5:18 -13
9. Haraki 6 1 3 9 4:25 -21
10.New Cyprus 0 0 0 13 4:28 -24

[/code:1:2a19225185]

Brazillico

05-04-2004, 14:11

The Brazillico Advance

Brazillico Prepares for Highly Anticipated Halfassedstates Match
Matchday 14 Could Make or Break Brazillico

By Jake Tartare

(WEST BUTTCHEEK, HALFASSEDSTATES) The Brazillico Chili Bats touched down at West Buttcheek International Airport today, a full three days before their critical match against Halfassedstates.

No team has ever won nine out of thirteen matches and looked as bad doing it as Brazillico has. Bar some occasional flashes of brilliance against Nikea and Largent, and Brazillico find themselves very fortunate to be still in the chase for a qualification spot. Right now, Brazillico are in fifth in the group and sit a mere point back from Total n Utter Insanity who are in third.

Brazillico's chances to qualify would improve dramatically if they could pull of a win against Halfassedstates. Only one problem with that, Halfassedstates are arguably the hottest team in the World right now.

The Halfassed Hurricanes have gone 9-1-0 in their last 10 games and show no signs of slowing down. With star striker Robin Sheerwood returning to the fold, the Hurricanes definately appear to be the team to beat in Group 2.

But Brazillico fans should not despair, as Alex Cannon will be back from injury to try to place a stick in the spokes of the Halfassed express.

Horatio Cosmo has also announced some important line-up changes to try to defeat Halfassedstates after getting their entire asses handed to them in a 3-0 defeat at Libertad. "We're gonna try to beat them with razzle dazzle," said Cosmo, "Our direct approach to offense wasn't working, so this way, if we lose, at least we'll look good doing it."

Alex Cannon will reclaim his spot in the line-up at the expense of Anthony Trevors, while Nelson Bilbao will get his first start in place of Todd Pink. Pink has complained of a sore groin and has a hard time adapting to Cosmo's 4-1-2-1-1-1 Lawn Dart Formation, so he'll watch this one from the press box.

NationStates Jolt Archive

World Cup 13 - RPs - Page 2