NationStates Jolt Archive

Greetings, **SPOILER ALERT**

This thread is to keep track of all issues in NationStates.

Current number of issues: 149
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#0: Should Democracy be Compulsory?
#1: Where's the Love Gone?
#2: Reclaim the Streets!
#3: Harry Potter Censorship Row
#4: Economic Collapse Looms!
#5: Child Casino Shock
#6: Appointment of Spiritual Advisor
#7: Animal Liberation Front Strikes Again
#8: Nudists Demand Time in Sun
#9: @@ANIMAL@@s on the Dinner Table?
#10: Social Inequality Reaching Embarrassing Levels
#11: People Request Not So Much Dictatorship, If That's All Right
#12: Death Penalty on Agenda
#13: Too Much Yakking, Already, Say Delegation
#14: Military Demands Increased Spending
#15: More Police Needed
#16: @@MAJORINDUSTRY@@ Workers Strike!
#17: Corporations Demand Political Say
#18: Citizens Struggle Under "Unfair" Tax Burden
#19: @@NAME@@ Awash With Red-Rimmed Eyes
#20: Gunman Kills Three
#21: Police Consider "Big Brother" Anti-Crime System
#22: Nazi Sympathizers Plan Rally
#23: Uranium Deposit Promises To Enrich @@NAME@@
#24: Budget Time: Accountants Excited
#25: Cloning Research Promises New Breakthrough
#26: Compulsory Organ Harvesting Proposed
#27: Cash for Colons?
#28: Cancer Sufferer Demands Euthanasia Bill
#29: Minorities Demand Representation in TV Soaps
#30: Auto Industry Struggles Against Foreign Imports
#31: Get Efficient, Private Sector Tells Nature [MantiCorp GroundForces]
#32: One Wife is Never Enough, Say Polygamists [Fantasan]
#33: Genetics Brings New Life to Extinct Species [Badger Lozzate]
#34: Don't Puff On Me, Say Non-Smokers [Sirocco]
#35: Refugees Want To Call @@NAME@@ Home [The True Scroat]
#36: International Community Comes Doorknocking [Guadalcanal]
#37: Traffic Cops Needed on Information Superhighway? [Snowcat]
#38: @@NAME@@ Looks to the Stars [Sentient Peoples]
#39: Scandal Rocks @@NAME@@'s Government! [The SLAGLands; ed:The SLAGLands]
#40: Hukd on Fonix Workd 4 Me! [Bostion; ed:Reploid Productions]
#41: Software Giant Stomps on Competition [1 Infinite Loop; ed:The SLAGLands]
#42: Turn Down That Racket, Say Morality Police [The Prelapsarian State; ed:The SLAGLands]
#43: Prisoners Demand Elbow Room [Lucazmodei; ed:The SLAGLands]
#44: No Pain, No Gain! [Independent Planets; ed:SalusaSecondus]
#45: Baseball League Steps Up To The Plate [Pilot; ed:The SLAGLands]
#46: Jennifer Government Censorship Row [Sirocco; ed:?]
#47: The Great Wall of @@NAME@@? [1 Infinite Loop; ed:Reploid Productions]
#48: Give Us Healthcare or Give Us Death! [Dictator Amanda; ed:Reploid Productions]
#49: Diving For @@CURRENCY@@s [Nogero; ed:Reploid Productions]
#50: Whips, Chains, and Leather, oh my! [Yacatizma; ed:Reploid Productions]
#51: Streaker in Snooker Game Fiasco [Sirocco; ed:Reploid Productions]
#52: Is it Art or is it Porn? [Imnsvale; ed:Reploid Productions]
#53: Orbital Armageddon? [The us marine corps; ed:Reploid Productions]
#54: Time to Put the Older Senators Out to Pasture? [Pangaa; ed:Reploid Productions]
#55: Bigtopian Protesters Cry For Full Integration [Grantwold; ed:The SLAGLands]
#56: "Give Us Money!" Quoth the Poet [Ursoria; ed:Reploid Productions]
#57: Electronic Plague in @@NAME@@! [Sentient Peoples; ed:Reploid Productions]
#58: Violent Violetists Demand Blood! [Total n Utter Insanity; ed:Reploid Productions]
#59: Drunk Driving On The Rise [Cspalla; ed:SalusaSecondus]
#60: Supreme Court Nomination [Nuttylnd; ed:SalusaSecondus]
#61: Should the Government Grant Estates and Titles of Nobility? [Leptonia; ed:SalusaSecondus]
#62: Oh, the Angst! [Uni Students; ed:Reploid Productions]
#63: Tykes with Tools? [New Parakeet; ed:SalusaSecondus]
#64: Put the "Board" Back in Board of Education [Curia; ed:Reploid Productions]
#65: Should Martial Law be declared? [American Militarists; ed:?]
#66: Transsexual Demands Recognition in Chosen Gender [Melmond; ed:Enodia]
#67: Most Likely To Secede [Leptonia; ed:SalusaSecondus]
#68: Ornery Overcrowding Problem [Frigben; ed:Reploid Productions]
#69: Power Problems Need Bright Solution [Plumbumia; ed:Reploid Productions]
#70: Purge the Infidels! [SalusaSecondus; ed:Reploid Productions]
#71: Minority Group Demands Language Recognition [Pragmas; ed:SalusaSecondus]
#72: Ever-Widening Butts Cause Movie Theater Havoc! [The velvet cockatiel; ed:The SLAGLands]
#73: @@NAME@@ - Without Cars, Going Nowhere Fast [Reploid Productions; ed:SalusaSecondus]
#74: @@NAME@@'s Racers Growing Fast and Furious [Nascar Thunder; ed:Reploid Productions]
#75: Cutting Off Sex Offenders? [Istar; ed:Reploid Productions]
#76: Suits in Protest [Xibonia; ed:SalusaSecondus]
#77: World to End, or Possibly Just Mark Anniversary
#78: Easter Egg! - Should we pull the Lever? [Meddlers; ed:SalusaSecondus]
#79: @@NAME@@'s @@ANIMAL@@s- Going the Way of the Dodo? [Naelosia; ed:Reploid Productions]
#80: ?
#81: Close Encounters of the Sci-fi Kind? [Spyr; ed:SalusaSecondus]
#82: AI Researchers Rally for Android Rights [Eniqcir; ed:SalusaSecondus]
#83: High-Speed Monorail Service Promises Connections [Baudrillard; ed:Reploid Productions]
#84: Compulsory Gun Ownership? [Tristram; ed:SalusaSecondus]
#85: Illegal File-sharing Flares [Frigben; ed:SalusaSecondus]
#86: Save the ANIMAL Through Domestication [Oddballfullness; ed:SalusaSecondus]
#87: Burn! Burn Everything! [PRC China; ed:Reploid Productions]
#88: Cannibals Demand to Taste What @@NAME@@ Has to Offer [Sovereign discord; ed:Reploid Productions]
#89: "Don't Dam Our Rivers, Damnit!" Say Protesters [Frigben; ed:Reploid Productions]
#90: Organic Outburst [Dark_Zephyr; ed:Reploid Productions]
#91: Sacramental Tax Time? [Rational Self Interest; ed:Reploid Productions]
#92: @@NAME@@ Officials Needled about Mandatory Vaccinations [Gdrabble; ed:Reploid Productions]
#93: Affirmative Action in @@NAME@@? [The Orange Freestate; ed:Reploid Productions]
#94: Computer Users Fed Up With Heaps of Spam! [Bored yawning; ed:Reploid Productions]
#95: Painful Prices Paid at the Pump [Aljerfribish; ed:Reploid Productions]
#96: Water Supply Problems Becoming a Major Drain [Calvin n Hobbes; ed:Reploid Productions]
#97: Landfills Filling Up [Edolia; ed:Sirocco]
#98: Police Want More Than Shiny Badge [Hata-alla; ed:Sirocco]
#99: We Need Cash, Sharpish, Say Librarians. [Os Cosia; ed:Sirocco]
#100: Road Rage Rampage [Satanspermspawn; ed:Reploid Productions]
#101: Tiara Sign of Oppression, Declare Feminists [The Prelapsarian State; ed:Sirocco]
#102: For Whom The Road Tolls [Ta kala; ed:Sirocco]
#103: Plague Of The Hybrids! [Serenthis; ed:Sirocco]
#104: Public Loudspeakers Shrill With Controversy [Alpha Centauri; ed:Sirocco]
#105: Compensation Culture Must End, Say Corporations [Zhudor; ed:Sirocco]
#106: Give The Red Light District The Green Light? [Lmaortfmolia; ed:Sirocco]
#107: Private Lab Holds @@NAME@@'s Sick To Ransom [Silverbrook; ed:Sirocco]
#108: Gambling Interests Offer High Stakes [New Sweden X; ed:Reploid Productions]
#109: Karate Kids Cause Controversy [Yarrum; ed:Sirocco]
#110: Too Low On Laws, Say Citizens [Kandarin; ed:Sirocco]
#111: Southern @@NAME@@ Demands Semi-Autonomy [Ceroo; ed:Sirocco]
#112: Put The Phone Down On Cold Calling? [Frigben; ed:Sirocco]
#113: Test Results Deemed 'Ungood' After Global Survey [Der Angst; ed:Sirocco]
#114: Wipe Out Graffiti? [Gelvanie; ed:Sirocco]
#115: @@NAME@@'s Schoolchildren Not Learning The Lingua Franca [Travis dominicus; ed:Sirocco]
#116: Soda Sales Hits New "High" [Foe Hammer; ed:Sirocco]
#117: Stop The Suits, Say Surgeons [Ravenspire; ed:Sirocco]
#118: Need For Speed? [Atlantic Rim; ed:Sirocco]
#119: Watershed Down? [New Cyprus; ed:Sirocco]
#120: Two Parties For Two Long? [Ren yi; ed:Sirocco]
#121: A Uniform Plan For @@NAME@@'s Students? [Scheelia; ed:Sirocco]
#122: Pensioners In Protest [Emperor Matthuis; ed:Sirocco]
#123: Now, Vat's Food For Thought [Tahar Joblis; ed:Sirocco]
#124: To Paint Or Not To Paint? [Aoifambia; ed:Sirocco]
#125: Bring Back The Ballot? [Centralis; ed:Sirocco]
#126: Outsourcing An Outrage, Say Demonstators [Enerica; ed:Sirocco]
#127: Aging Concerns in @@NAME@@ [Sirocco; ed:Reploid Productions]
#128: Ban the Burka? [Much Benham; ed:Sirocco]
#129: Tribal Troubles [Olasonph; ed:Sirocco]
#130: Filibuster Bust-up [The kennedy family; ed:Sirocco]
#131: Raise Duel Standards, Say Fencers [The Gaelic Freedmen; ed:Sirocco]
#132: Raise Duel Standards, Say Fencers [The Gaelic Freedmen; ed:Sirocco]
#133: When @@ANIMAL@@s attack! [The Class A Cows; ed:Sirocco]
#134: When @@ANIMAL@@s attack! [The Class A Cows; ed:Sirocco]
#135: A Taxing Dilemma [Claraxia; ed:Sirocco]
#136: Much Ado About Abortion [Aquilla; ed:Sirocco]
#137: Arms Industry Demands Respect [Koternacht; ed:Sirocco]
#138: Keep The Greenbelt Green, Say Protesters [Big-yellow-taxi; ed:Sirocco]
#139: Drug Debate Hits The Streets [Docere; ed:Sirocco]
#140: A Grave Problem [Eta Carinae; ed:Sirocco]
#141: Police Too Pushy? [Myrth; ed:Sirocco]
#142: Roads like Rollercoasters, Complain Motorists [Mirkai; ed:Sirocco]
#143: An Archaeological Altercation [Fiscali; ed:Sirocco]
#144: Democracy Going To The Dogs? [Libertarian haven; ed:Sirocco]
#145: Hackles Raised Over Fur Clothes Debate [Naturhio; ed:Sirocco]
#146: Evolution: Truth Or Witchcraft? [Holbrookia; ed:Sirocco]
#147: Military Budgets Up For Approval [Greater philadelphia; ed:Sirocco]
#148: Spare The Rod, Demand Welfare Activists [Eastern Newfoundland; ed:Sirocco]

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Variables used:
@@NAME@@: Nation name (short, without title)
@@REGION@@: Region name (location)
@@ANIMAL@@: National animal (from settings)
@@CURRENCY@@: National currency (from settings)
@@POPULATION@@: Nation population in millions
@@SLOGAN@@: National motto (from settings)

@@RANDOMNAME@@: Combination (2365) of random first and random last name. Possibilities are:
First names, 55: Aaron, Abraham, Akira, Al, Alexei, Anne-Marie, Beth, Bianca, Bill, Billy, Billy-Bob, Buffy, Buy, Calvin, Charles, Chastity, Clint, Colin, Dave, Elizabeth, Faith, Falala, Fleur, Freddy, George W., Gregory, Hack, Hope, Jack, Jazz, Jean-Paul, Jennifer, Johan, Klaus, Konrad, Lars, Max, May, Melbourne, Miranda, Naki, Peggy, Pete, Pip, Prudence, Randy, Roger, Roxanne, Steffan, Stephanie, Sue-Ann, Thomas, Tobias, Violet, Zeke.
Last Names, 43: Barry, Broadside, Bush, Chicago, Christmas, Clinton, Dodinas, Dredd, du Pont, Falopian, Fellow, Frederickson, Hamilton, Hanover, Hendrikson, Jefferson, Jones, Jong-Il, King, Li, Licorish, Longbottom, Longfellow, Love, McAlpin, McGuffin, Mistletoe, Mombota, Nagasawa, O'Bannon, Rifkin, Shiomi, Silk, Spirit, Steele, Summers, Thiesen, Trax, Utopia, Washington, Winters, Wong, Wu.

@@MAJORINDUSTRY@@: Your nation's biggest industry. Possibilities are:
Industries, 17: Arms Manufacturing, Automobile Manufacturing, Basket Weaving, Beef-Based Agriculture, Book Publishing, Cheese Exports, Door-to-Door Insurance Sales, Furniture Restoration, Gambling, Information Technology, Mining, Pizza Delivery, Retail, Soda Sales, Timber Industry, Trout Farming, Woodchip Exports.

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#0: Should Democracy be Compulsory?

The Issue
In response to a slow news week, certain highbrow newspapers have stirred up the debate over voluntary vs compulsory voting.

The Debate
1. "Compulsory voting makes about as much as sense as having the death penalty for attempted suicide," says civil rights activist @@RANDOMNAME@@. "You can't force people to be free! You can only give them the choice. Besides, if all those derelicts who can't be bothered to get off their ass once every few years voted, who would they elect? I shudder to think."

2. "It's not contradictory at all," argues political commentator @@RANDOMNAME@@. "The fact is, if not everyone votes, the outcome isn't truly representative. Some groups--like elderly gun nuts--vote more often than others. That's why always we always end up with such terrible politicians."

3. "This raises an interesting issue," says @@RANDOMNAME@@, your brother. "And that is: why do we need elections, anyway? Seems to me it would be much simpler if you just decided what was right, and did it. Wouldn't that save everyone a lot of time?"

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#1: Where's the Love Gone?

The Issue
Last night the respected tabloid TV show "60 Minutes" ran a report on @@NAME@@'s rising divorce rate. What is happening to the nuclear family?

The Debate
1. "There's a simple solution," says Pastor Felix, of the Catholic Church. "Divorce should be illegal. 'For better or worse,' anyone remember how that goes? We should return to the good old days, when you got married for life and stuck by your partner no matter how much of a drunken, abusive, adulterating disappointment they turned out to be."

2. John Black, author of the hit book, 'Men are from Mars, Women are from Some Whole Other Place,' has a simpler solution. "If couples would just call each other 'darling' once in a while, there would be far fewer relationship breakdowns. A little affection is all it takes. So the government should make it mandatory: call your spouse 'darling' at least once a day, or face a fine."

3. "There's a simple way to boost the marriage rate," says gay rights activist @@RANDOMNAME@@. "Abolish those arcane laws that discriminate against same-sex marriages. It's obscene to treat people differently because of their sexual preference. Besides, everyone knows gay relationships are more stable than straight ones."

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#2: Reclaim the Streets!

The Issue
Several major city streets were clogged with bicycles this morning, as the environmental group 'Two Wheels Good, Four Wheels Bad' staged a protest. Several hundred riders ambled through downtown streets, blissfully ignoring the torrent of abuse hurled at them by thousands of motorists running late for work.

The Debate
1. "People are sick of dirty, smelly automobiles," said protest organizer @@RANDOMNAME@@. "They're choking the city, the environment--our lives! Cars must be banned!"

2. "The only thing people are sick of is long-haired idiots riding their bicycles at two miles an hour on major thoroughfares," says committed motorist @@RANDOMNAME@@. "People shouldn't be able to protest like this. The government needs to crack down on them."

3. The Automotive Manufacturers Association, meanwhile, has called for government support. "It's clear that we need to boost the level of automobile support in this country. This protest this morning is a clear indication of... um... anyway, we need more government funds."

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#3: Harry Potter Censorship Row

The Issue
The latest "Harry Potter" book to hit schools across @@NAME@@ has stirred up the greatest controversy yet.

The Debate
1. "I quite enjoyed the book, until I got to the part where Harry summons evil demons to do his bidding," says religious leader @@RANDOMNAME@@. "Now that's just wrong. We need to restore some sense to this debate, by which I mean we should remove this book from the shelves, salt it thoroughly, and burn it."

2. Teachers union President @@RANDOMNAME@@ says, "Come on, the book is fantasy! And it's a damn good read. I'd like the government to issue a statement of support for our teachers and librarians, so kids can enjoy good books without interference from religious wackos, like Christians."

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#4: Economic Collapse Looms!

The Issue
Big business, fed up with over-regulation in @@NAME@@, are heading offshore in ever-increasing numbers.

The Debate
1. "Good riddance!" says noted environmentalist @@RANDOMNAME@@. "Sniff that air! It's never been so clean! At last, our society is freeing itself from the consumer death-trap! I say it's time to take the final step and outlaw capitalism once and for all!"

2. "This is a catastrophe waiting to happen," says the Chamber of Commerce. "Think of the consequences! Without big business, where do the jobs come from? Where do we get our medicine? Our cars? Our latest fashions? There are dozens of useless regulations the government could abolish today to make life easier for commerce, and it's high time they did."

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#5: Child Casino Shock

The Issue
Children as young as eight have been spotted gambling in some of @@NAME@@'s seedier casinos.

The Debate
1. Social activist @@RANDOMNAME@@ is outraged. "Gambling needs to be outlawed immediately. It's no wonder children are becoming sucked into the vice, with adults setting such a poor example. Gambling is a stain on @@NAME@@'s international reputation and it must be stopped!"

2. However, Crown Casino chairperson @@RANDOMNAME@@ says, "What's wrong with children gambling? It prepares them for the realities of life, teaching them that success or failure is not due to hard work or intelligence, but the roll of the dice. Besides, if kids weren't gambling, they'd be spraypainting trains."

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#6: Appointment of Spiritual Advisor

The Issue
It's time for the government to hire a new religious advisor. Your people have narrowed down the candidates to:

The Debate
1. Catholic Archbishop @@RANDOMNAME@@: boasts an excellent track record, having rapidly increased church attendances in his constituencies through the "Reaching God Through Guilt" program. Seen as a solid choice.

2. New Age thinker @@RANDOMNAME@@: a left-field candidate with some radical ideas. "For me, it's not about the name of your religion. It's about discovering your spirituality in whatever guise that takes. Some people call that a cult: I call it taking spirituality to the people."

3. Finally, there's @@RANDOMNAME@@. "If I am awarded the appointment, I will immediately resign," the ex-schoolteacher has declared. "Because, frankly, God is a big load of hokey. I'll be doing everyone a favor by just shutting up about it."

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#7: Animal Liberation Front Strikes Again

The Issue
The increasingly militant Animal Liberation Front struck again last night, freeing dozens of chickens bound for delicious snack packs.

The Debate
1. "These nuts have got to be stopped," demands concerned consumer @@RANDOMNAME@@. "They need to face the fact people want snack packs, no matter how many innocent chickens must be sacrificed. Besides, chickens would do the same to us if they had the chance."

2. "These Liberationists are highlighting an important issue," pleads @@RANDOMNAME@@. "Too often, animals are put through needless cruelty, just to make their flesh taste a little more deliciously succulent. I'm sure we could ban the more horrific abuses without putting too much of a dent in our national obesity figures. Couldn't we?"

3. "Animals have feelings too!" yelled protestor @@RANDOMNAME@@, before being set upon by hungry passers-by. "Free the animals! Ban meat-eating!"

4. Economist @@RANDOMNAME@@ has an alternative. "You don't need to take away the people's right to choose. You just need to build the costs of animal suffering into the price. A tax on meat-eating, in proportion to the amount of cruelty involved, would do the trick. Plus think of the benefit for the national coffers! Of course, poor people wouldn't be able to afford meat, but that's just more incentive for them to get jobs."

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#8: Nudists Demand Time in Sun

The Issue
A loose coalition of sartorially-challenged individuals known as "Let It All Hang Out" has called on the government to relax public nudity laws.

The Debate
1. "For too long, our bodies have been trapped in these prisons of cotton and polyester!" yelled protester @@RANDOMNAME@@, while apparently developing a nasty case of sunburn. "We must repeal the puritanical laws that make public nudity a crime. My body--my choice to dangle!"

2. "I agree," mused sociology professor @@RANDOMNAME@@. "But I don't think the protestors are going far enough. Public nudity shouldn't be an option: it should be compulsory. Nudity is highly liberating. And it would put that disgusting "Hooters" out of business once and for all."

3. "Whoa, whoa," says noted accountant @@RANDOMNAME@@. "Are these people serious? The last thing I want to see when I'm out for a coffee is some lumbering, over-weight nudist coming down the sidewalk toward me. If people want to get naked, they can do it in the privacy of their own homes. Think of the children!"

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#9: @@ANIMAL@@s on the Dinner Table?

The Issue
In a bid to provide a new revenue stream for @@NAME@@'s Beef-Based Agriculture industry, it has been suggested that @@ANIMAL@@s could be added to the menu.

The Debate
1. "The fact is, the @@ANIMAL@@ population is out of control," says Beef-Based Agriculture spokesperson @@RANDOMNAME@@. "We have to do something about them anyway, so why not market them as tasty snacks? We could have @@ANIMAL@@ kebabs, @@ANIMAL@@ pies, @@ANIMAL@@-on-a-sticks--the possibilities are endless! Let's not pass up this golden opportunity to provide a feast, if you will, for our economy."

2. "I agree that something needs to be done about @@ANIMAL@@ over-population," says random passer-by @@RANDOMNAME@@, "but eating them? That's kind of gross. Let's just shoot the ones we have to and shovel their bodies into ditches like normal."

3. "I am shocked and appalled!" declared SPCA President @@RANDOMNAME@@. "If anyone needs to be culled, it's us humans. The @@ANIMAL@@s were here first, remember? We need to take this as a sign to get our industry--agriculture in particular--to back off. The @@ANIMAL@@ is part of what makes @@NAME@@ a great nation!"

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#10: Social Inequality Reaching Embarrassing Levels

The Issue
Commentators have warned that @@NAME@@'s social inequalities threaten to make it an international pariah.

The Debate
1. "Look, I don't like it either," said Chamber of Commerce spokesperson @@RANDOMNAME@@. "Just on the way here, I had to step over three homeless people, and one of my shoes got caught on a beggar. But inequality is the price we pay for economic strength. If anything, we need fewer taxes, so those of us who are well-off can afford to be more generous. If we want to, that is."

2. "I think we've forgotten what economic strength is all about," says social worker @@RANDOMNAME@@. "The economy is meant to be a means to a high standard of living, not an end in itself. It's become an excuse for the rich to prosper while the poor fall through the cracks. Not everyone is poor because they don't feel like working. We must provide more welfare."

3. "Who says we're an international pariah?" demands military honcho @@RANDOMNAME@@. "What are their names? If that's the way the international community feels, we obviously need to prepare for war."

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#11: People Request Not So Much Dictatorship, If That's All Right

The Issue
While effusively praising @@NAME@@'s leadership and bowing repeatedly, a delegation has humbly requested that the government take a more "modernistic" view in the future.

The Debate
1. The High Minister for Finance, who also happens to be your brother, dismisses the claim. "What these people fail to realize is that you know what's best for them. The alternative is anarchy! I say stick to your course. And execute these wackos for treason."

2. "Perhaps the people could be given some more political freedoms," muses your Chief of Staff, who is your sister. "Is there really such harm in allowing public discussion of ideas? We could even have a real Opposition Party. One that isn't just full of your puppets, I mean."

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#12: Death Penalty on Agenda

The Issue
Following a tragic double-murder, capital punishment has surged as an election issue. There now appears a real possibility that right-wing candidate @@RANDOMNAME@@, running on a "Do the Crime, pay the Penalty" platform, will gain power. While society's intelligentsia is outraged, debate rages as to whether the government should intervene.

The Debate
1. "This is a democracy, remember?" rhetorically questions Professor @@RANDOMNAME@@ of the University of Greater @@NAME@@. "That means that if the people want something, the people get it. I hate to say it, but in the name of political freedom, we need to accept that our country will have the death penalty."

2. "I'm sorry," says Civil Rights Unionist @@RANDOMNAME@@, "but this travesty cannot be allowed to pass. If the government needs to crack down on lunatic fringe groups in order to keep our great nation free of the death penalty, then so be it. We must ban the politics of hatred and fear!"

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#13: Too Much Yakking, Already, Say Delegation

The Issue
Some people say @@NAME@@'s policy on free speech has gone too far.

The Debate
1. "These days, anyone says whatever they want with no regard to what kind of dribble is coming out of their mouths!" says angry commuter @@RANDOMNAME@@. "It's gone too far. We should go back to the good old days, when if someone started talking garbage, we'd smack them one."

2. "We need more free speech, not less," argues civil rights campaigner @@RANDOMNAME@@. "Free speech allows ideas to be explored, challenged, and discussed in a productive, open forum. It teaches our kids to be critical thinkers. And dirty words, of course, but that's just the price you pay."

3. "The right to free speech is a central tenet of our system of democracy," says religious leader @@RANDOMNAME@@. "But surely the right to not have your religious beliefs mocked by others is worth something, too? We mustn't put up with intolerance!"

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#14: Military Demands Increased Spending

The Issue
The Department of Defense has put its case for a substantial increase in funding for the coming financial year.

The Debate
1. "These are turbulent times we live in," says Defense Chief @@RANDOMNAME@@. "Turbulent and dangerous. And the only sensible response to that, of course, is to build a lot more weapons. Unless we get the funding we need, I can't promise that we'll be able to defend @@NAME@@'s sovereign borders from rogue nations and foreign powers. Or those leaky boatloads of refugees, for that matter."

2. "NO MORE BOMBS," chant the protestors outside Parliament House, in a repetitious and increasingly annoying appeal. Spokesperson @@RANDOMNAME@@, speaking through a feedback-afflicted microphone, says, "@@NAME@@ needs fewer weapons, not more! Make the world a safer place! Disarm now!"

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#15: More Police Needed

The Issue
As crime rates rise, some in the community are calling for increased policing.

The Debate
1. "Just the other day, I got mugged in the broad daylight!" says ruffian @@RANDOMNAME@@. "And the ironic thing is I had just stuck up this other guy. When muggers are getting mugged, even I have to admit that crime has gotten out of control. We do need more police."

2. "The solution to crime is not more police!" says noted sociologist and occasional crime novelist @@RANDOMNAME@@. "Studies repeatedly show that crime is caused by poverty and poor education. Increase government spending in these areas, and crime will fall! Maybe not overnight, but it will happen."

3. "Yeah, good luck with that," says conservative leader and gun enthusiast @@RANDOMNAME@@. "Look, we do need more police, that's clear. But that's not enough. We need real punishments: sentences that will act as a genuine deterrent to people considering a life of crime. Like public floggings."

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#16: @@MAJORINDUSTRY@@ Workers Strike!

The Issue
Workers across the nation have gone out on indefinite strike over what they claim are substandard wages in the @@MAJORINDUSTRY@@ industry.

The Debate
1. "We are the backbone of this country, and we demand a fair wage rise!" says union leader @@RANDOMNAME@@. "I don't think a 20% increase over two years is too much to ask. Unless the government forces employers to give us our due, we'll shut this whole industry down! Let's see how well @@NAME@@'s economy manages without any @@MAJORINDUSTRY@@, huh?

2. "We pay our employees very generous wages," says employer representative @@RANDOMNAME@@. "Especially when you consider that without us, they'd be OUT ON THE STREET. Hear that, you scumbags? OUT ON THE STREET! Anyway, my point is, if you cave in, you make our entire industry uncompetitive. You can't do that in the global marketplace. It'll hurt the whole country. The best solution, economically speaking, would be to relax industrial laws and allow us to fire troublemakers on the spot."

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#17: Corporations Demand Political Say

The Issue
A well-heeled lobby group is pushing for the elimination of regulations that prevent corporations from donating money to political parties.

The Debate
1. "This is supposed to be a democratic country," @@MAJORINDUSTRY@@ industry spokesperson @@RANDOMNAME@@ says. "Yet these archaic laws say I can't donate money to support a political party. They put ceilings on the amount any party can spend on advertising. It's time to stop treating voters like children, and trust them to make up their own minds. Free the ballot box!"

2. "You say political freedom, I hear vote-buying," says popular anarchist @@RANDOMNAME@@. "If these fat cats get their way, politicians will buy their own seat in Congress. And let's face it, a slick advertising campaign can convince a lot of apathetic voters. We need to tighten the laws, not repeal them. Money should have no place in politics!"

3. "Frankly, I don't see why we need to have elections at all," says your brother, @@RANDOMNAME@@, over a late-night malt whiskey. "You always seem to know what's best. Why not scrap the whole political system? It would make things so much simpler."

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#18: Citizens Struggle Under "Unfair" Tax Burden

The Issue
A recent poll has revealed high levels of dissatisfaction among the populace about tax rates.

The Debate
1. "Do you know how much of my year's work goes to the government?" demanded angry worker @@RANDOMNAME@@. "Too much! Government spending has gotten way out of control. It needs big cuts in welfare, health, and education. But leave those subsidies to business alone. We need them to create jobs."

2. "It's not the AMOUNT of tax, it's where the burden falls," says student activist @@RANDOMNAME@@. "And at the moment, far too much of the burden is falling on the poor. People on high incomes still have more money than people on low incomes. I don't think I need to say anything more than that."

3. "I don't object to the amount of tax, I object to where it's being spent," says social reformer @@RANDOMNAME@@. "I'd like to see everyone have a choice as to where their @@CURRENCY@@s go every time they fill out a tax return. Everyone would feel a lot better about opening their wallets if they had a say as to where the money went. I think you'd see a lot more public money going to education and a lot less to business."

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#19: @@NAME@@ Awash With Red-Rimmed Eyes

The Issue
National marijuana consumption has hit an all-time high, with alarming results, a new poll has found.

The Debate
1. "My factory's productivity is down ten percent since marijuana was decriminalized," complains employer @@RANDOMNAME@@. "And the number of thefts from the candy machine is off the scale. This so-called 'pot' needs to be banned in all public places. Let the junkies do what they want at home, but not in my workplace."

2. "Whoa, dude, no need to get, like, you know," says Free Your Mind campaigner @@RANDOMNAME@@, from his parents' basement. "This is, like, a personal choice issue, you know. It's like... whoa, just back off what I want to do with my own body. Don't let the fascists win, man. There are some hot new eckies coming in soon, they should be legal too."

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#20: Gunman Kills Three

The Issue
Tragedy struck @@NAME@@ today, as a gunman killed three people in a suburban shooting rampage. The community is united in grief, but divided in opinion as to what should be done.

The Debate
1. The strongest voices demand tighter gun controls. "The only way to prevent further atrocities is to take the guns out of the hands of the murderers," says anti-gun campaigner @@RANDOMNAME@@. "There's no justification for them in today's society. We need tighter regulations on who can hold guns, so only our police and military have them."

2. "That's not all we need," says radical left-wing activist @@RANDOMNAME@@. "The government should ban all guns outright--even in the police force. This is an opportunity to make @@NAME@@ a totally gun-free state."

3. "Guns don't kill people, people kill people," says NRA head honcho @@RANDOMNAME@@. "If you outlaw guns, only outlaws will have guns. Is that what we want? Think, people. The answer isn't to ban guns. It's to crack down on those Hollywood movies and computer games that glamorize violence. They're the real criminals."

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#21: Police Consider "Big Brother" Anti-Crime System

The Issue
The Police department is considering installing surveillance cameras in all major public areas, in an effort to crack down on crime.

The Debate
1. "This is a blatant invasion of the right to privacy!" says libertarian web site operator @@RANDOMNAME@@. "Now I can't even go out in public any more without being watched? And you know this is just the beginning. Today there are cameras in city streets. Tomorrow they're peering through your bedroom window."

2. "Hey, I've got news for you," says Police media liaison @@RANDOMNAME@@. "When you're out in public, PEOPLE CAN SEE YOU. These cameras will be extremely helpful in reducing the national crime rate. Frankly, I can't see what the fuss is about."

3. "This 'slippery slope' argument has got me thinking," says Police Minister @@RANDOMNAME@@. "You know, it would be a lot easier to fight crime if we watched people all the time. Not with cameras, of course. That's clearly an invasion of privacy. But how about a national database of our citizens, coupled with compulsory ID cards and barcoding? It would stop crime dead in its tracks."

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#22: Nazi Sympathizers Plan Rally

The Issue
Far-right-wing Nazi supporters plan to stage a rally in the city center tomorrow, giving voice to their violent, racist views.

The Debate
1. "Frankly, I'm appalled that the government can even consider allowing this travesty to go ahead," says prominent Jewish banker @@RANDOMNAME@@. "We can't let these animals broadcast their message of hate. Surely @@NAME@@ is too civilized for that."

2. "It's exactly because we're civilized that we must let the demonstration proceed," says free speech campaigner @@RANDOMNAME@@. "We may not like what they have to say, but in this society, people have the right to argue whatever political view they want, no matter how hateful, selfish, or stupid it is."

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#23: Uranium Deposit Promises To Enrich @@NAME@@

The Issue
Prospecting company Nukes4U has uncovered a large uranium deposit in @@NAME@@'s south-west.

The Debate
1. "This is terrific find!" claims Nukes4U CEO @@RANDOMNAME@@. "It will provide an enormous stimulus to our economy and create thousands of new jobs. It's win-win! All we need from the government is permission to bulldoze the rainforest that's on top of the deposit."

2. "You've got to be kidding," says Green politician @@RANDOMNAME@@. "This rainforest is thousands of years old! This country needs more environmental protection, not less. And to destroy the environment in order to mine uranium that then goes into nuclear bombs--well, that really sticks in my craw."

3. "There's no need for an either-or decision," says the government's Minister for Mining, Clear-Felling, and the Environment. "We can preserve most of the rainforest and allow mining of a small part. After all, think of all the good that the money from this uranium deposit can bring to @@NAME@@."

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#24: Budget Time: Accountants Excited

The Issue
It's time for the government to allocate spending for the coming year, and as always, special interest groups are keen to have their say.

The Debate
1. "The state of the education system is, in many areas, simply frightful," says Teachers Union leader @@RANDOMNAME@@. "And even where we are doing well, we could do better. I appeal to the authorities for a substantial boost in funding. Remember, the children are our future."

2. "We won't have a future unless we improve police numbers and rebuild the military," says General @@RANDOMNAME@@. "Oh, it's all well and good to have your fancy education and your nice cars, until some tinpot dictatorship decides to invade. And don't pretend like there aren't any of them in @@REGION@@. Our number one priority has to be security."

3. "Education is nice, but Health and Social Welfare are more important," says celebrity social worker @@RANDOMNAME@@. "This is where the people who really need government help are: the marginalized of our society. If we don't help them, what kind of a nation are we?"

4. "Hey, I've got a crazy idea," says noted libertarian and bird-watcher @@RANDOMNAME@@. "How about the government stops taking so much tax from people? Give us a tax cut and we'll buy the things we need ourselves. People need to be weaned off the government teat!"

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#25: Cloning Research Promises New Breakthrough

The Issue
Scientists using cloned human embryos for research are on the verge of a medical breakthrough.

The Debate
1. "It's really very exciting," says lab head @@RANDOMNAME@@. "Until now, we've kept very quiet, to avoid being targeted by lunatic fringe groups who for some reason think it's wrong to clone human embryos. It's too early to promise anything, but we hope that one day we will have genetic cures for a whole range of debilitating illnesses. I certainly hope the government will support our work."

2. "Well, if you have to be part of a lunatic fringe group to object to this barbaric practice, I'm a lunatic," says placard-waving protestor @@RANDOMNAME@@. "Of course it would be nice to cure these unnamed diseases, but at what cost? They're messing with the sanctity of human life. It's wrong, and the lab should be shut down immediately."

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#26: Compulsory Organ Harvesting Proposed

The Issue
A group of emergency room doctors has petitioned the government to introduce mandatory organ donations.

The Debate
1. "It's not as crazy as it sounds," says Dr. @@RANDOMNAME@@. "Every day, people die because we don't have the organs to save them. Well, that and widespread under-funding of the health system. But the point is, if the government allowed us to take organs from dead people, we could save hundreds of lives a year. And come on, it's not like dead people need them."

2. "You keep your damn hands off my organs!" says alarmed hospital patient @@RANDOMNAME@@. "They are my organs, and I'll do with them what I like. The government has no right to my body."

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#27: Cash for Colons?

The Issue
Hospitals have requested that they be allowed to pay people for donating blood and other bodily organs, such as kidneys.

The Debate
1. "We remain critically short of blood plasma and various organs," says @@NAME@@ One hospital administrator @@RANDOMNAME@@. "Especially hearts. A good heart is hard to find. But if we were allowed to pay for donations, we'd get more of them and could save more lives. Plus the donor takes home a few hundred @@CURRENCY@@s in compensation. Unless it's a post-mortem donation, of course. In that case we'd pay the family."

2. "Great idea," says social commentator @@RANDOMNAME@@. "Except for one thing. You know who's going to be selling their organs? Poor people! They'll be so desperate for money that they'll sell their own kidneys. Well, a kidney. This is just another way for the rich to buy themselves a better life at the expense of the poor. It must be outlawed."

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#28: Cancer Sufferer Demands Euthanasia Bill

The Issue
Dorothy Terwilliger lies immobilized in a hospital bed, unable to move. She has end-stage cancer, and wishes to end her struggle against death. However, laws prevent her doctors from obeying her wishes.

The Debate
1. Dorothy and her family are campaigning for a "Dying with Dignity" bill, to change this situation. She implores the government to legalize euthanasia.

2. "I understand this is a very difficult time for these people," says freelance medical writer @@RANDOMNAME@@. "But the solution is not to let our medical system slide down the slippery slope of killing people in pain. We must cure, not kill. This is not the right time for euthanasia."

3. "I agree, but go further: there is never a right time for euthanasia," says Bishop @@RANDOMNAME@@. "The lives we lead are given to us by the grace of God, and he decides when they end. It is not for us to question God's divine purpose, no matter how odd or screwed-up it may seem."

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#29: Minorities Demand Representation in TV Soaps

The Issue
@@NAME@@'s TV soaps--famous around the region--have come under fire for their lack of ethnic diversity.

The Debate
1. "Every night my family and I sit down to watch 'The Brash and the Backstabbing'," says @@RANDOMNAME@@. "But where are the Liliputians like myself? Where are the Bigtopians? The Marche Noirians? People from those cultures can be just as brash and backstabbing, but we never see them on the screen. The government must act to remove this silent apartheid from our TV screens."

2. "Those Liliputians don't know how good they have it," says @@RANDOMNAME@@, spokesperson for the Tasmanians Against Ethnic Stereotyping. "Tasmanians are on television all the time, but always in crude, stereotypical roles. The answer is not to enforce ethnic quotas, but to award government prizes for the positive portrayal of minorities. That'll work better, and be cheaper, too."

3. "The government should do what now?" says TV studio executive @@RANDOMNAME@@. "You've got to be kidding. We make soaps here, not documentaries. I should be able to put whichever characters I want into my shows. Quotas! Government prizes! God save me! Hasn't the government got anything better to do? Why don't they just back off and let society work out these things on its own?"

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#30: Auto Industry Struggles Against Foreign Imports

The Issue
Cheap, foreign-made cars are becoming increasingly popular, causing concern in @@NAME@@'s automobile manufacturing industry.

The Debate
1. "Unless this government does something, @@NAME@@ won't have an auto industry for much longer," says auto industry union boss @@RANDOMNAME@@, in a rare public appearance alongside management. "These foreign companies employ people for a few @@CURRENCY@@s a day. The only way to level the playing field is to raise tariffs. The government would make more money, too, so it's win-win."

2. "For once, I agree with my grubby colleague here," says General Chassis CEO @@RANDOMNAME@@. "Although I have to say, tariffs aren't the only answer. A more effective solution would be to abolish minimum wage laws. Now that would level the playing field. And we'd be able to employ more--argh, let go of my throat!"

3. "I think we need to face facts," says noted economist and chat-show regular @@RANDOMNAME@@. "We live in a global economy now, and automobile manufacturing just isn't @@NAME@@'s strong suit. There's no point taking money from taxpayers in order to line the pockets of a few greedy workers and corrupt managers in a doomed industry. Let the market takes its--argh, let go of my throat!"

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#31: Get Efficient, Private Sector Tells Nature [MantiCorp GroundForces]

The Issue
A group of prominent business identities has proposed privatizing @@NAME@@'s beaches.

The Debate
1. "Have you been to the beach lately? It's disgusting," says company spokesperson @@RANDOMNAME@@. "There's litter, there's teenagers smoking, and there are people enjoying themselves without paying for it. Let the private sector in on this, and @@NAME@@'s beaches will be the talk of the region! And a nice little earner, too."

2. "Whoa, whoa, we're privatizing beaches now?" says local campaigner @@RANDOMNAME@@. "These are public spaces! All @@NAME@@'s citizens have a right to enjoy them, not just the well-off. Yes, we should improve the quality of our beaches, but handing them over to the money-grabbers is not the right way to do it. The right way to do it is to boost government spending by increasing taxes."

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#32: One Wife is Never Enough, Say Polygamists [Fantasan]

The Issue
A small religious group is lobbying the government to allow them to take multiple wives.

The Debate
1. "It's about time we had our religious rights recognized," says @@RANDOMNAME@@, a devout member of a faith that is never made quite clear. "Who is the government to tell me I can't love more than one woman? The government doesn't know how much of me there is to go around!"

2. "This is nothing more than sexual deviants using religion as a pretext for perversion!" says Reverend @@RANDOMNAME@@. "Marriage is one man, one woman, and death do we part. What's so hard to get? Anything else is a perversion, and must be banned."

3. "Multiple wives? Excellent!" says passer-by @@RANDOMNAME@@. "Presumably we will allow multiple husbands, as well. And gay marriages, of course. In fact, now is probably the time for the government to butt out of marriage altogether. Let people marry their cats, if they want."

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#33: Genetics Brings New Life to Extinct Species [Badger Lozzate]

The Issue
Scientists have announced they are close to a breakthrough in their quest to revive the feather-bellied @@ANIMAL@@, a species that has been extinct in @@NAME@@ for more than a century.

The Debate
1. "I, for one, applaud their work," says scientist @@RANDOMNAME@@. "And not just because I'm the project leader. This is an example of how @@NAME@@'s brains can mix it with the world's best. Can you imagine how wonderful it will be to have feather-bellied @@ANIMAL@@s frolicking in the meadows again? I say full steam ahead, and more government funding!"

2. "This is a sacrilage!", says religious leader @@RANDOMNAME@@. "These animals are extinct because God wants them dead. Cloning them would merely incur his wrath! If we proceed down this path, it'll be humans, not the feather-bellied @@ANIMAL@@, who will be extinct."

3. "Now, come on," says @@RANDOMNAME@@, well-known philosopher. "You don't need to be religious to be unnerved by the top of this particular slippery slope. Today it's @@ANIMAL@@s, tomorrow it's dinosaurs, and we all know how that turns out. This research shouldn't be banned, but there must be strict government controls over its use."

#34: Don't Puff On Me, Say Non-Smokers [Sirocco]

The Issue
There is a growing call within @@NAME@@ to abolish smoking in public areas.

The Debate
1. "I'm in full support of this motion," says man on the street @@RANDOMNAME@@. "I'm sick of being stuck behind smokers, sucking in their pollution! They can light up in the privacy of their own homes, if they want."

2. "What's so special about their homes?" says anti-smoking campaigner @@RANDOMNAME@@. "The government has a responsibility to stop people from hurting themselves -- it's the same reason we should make them wear seat belts in cars. Sooner or later, they end up in one of @@NAME@@'s hospitals, sucking on taxpayer-funded healthcare. Not that that's why we should ban smoking. We should ban it because we care."

3. "Get your hands off my fag!" wheezes long-time smoker @@RANDOMNAME@@. "I've been smoking for fifty years and it's never done me any harm. Helps me concentrate, it does! The government should back off on trying to tell me what I can put into my own body. Telling a smoker he can't light up in a restaurant is discrimination, pure and simple. If you want to put a stop to unfairness, stop that."

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#35: Refugees Want To Call @@NAME@@ Home [The True Scroat]

The Issue
After several bloody conflicts in nearby regions, a stream of asylum-seekers and refugees has been spotted heading for @@NAME@@'s shores.

The Debate
1. "Some of these people have endured terrible hardships to reach our borders," says International Red Cross spokesperson @@RANDOMNAME@@. "We must welcome these unfortunates with open arms. Let the world see that @@NAME@@ does not turn its back on those in need!"

2. "These grasping freeloaders will swamp our culture and traditions!" argues talk-radio host @@RANDOMNAME@@. "First they want welfare, next thing you know they're taking our jobs -- and you know they won't bother to learn our language. I say charity begins at home -- and this isn't their home. This is the world's problem, not ours."

3. Economics Professor @@RANDOMNAME@@ offers an alternative. "There is no question that we have to help those who reach out to us in their darkest hour. But on the other hand, we cannot help everybody. So let's just take the ones who are willing to keep our streets clean and our drains flowing in return for a subsistence wage."

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#36: International Community Comes Doorknocking [Guadalcanal]

The Issue
The international community has appealed to @@NAME@@ to increase humanitarian aid to the world's poorer nations.

The Debate
1. "We must increase foreign aid," says beaded local peace activist @@RANDOMNAME@@. "Compared to some of these nations, @@NAME@@ is swimming in @@CURRENCY@@s. Let's face it, not every nation in the world is lucky enough to have a government like ours. Let's show some compassion to our less economically gifted neighbors."

2. "Talk about a way to flush @@CURRENCY@@s straight down the toilet," argues Think Tank member @@RANDOMNAME@@. "What I've noticed is that whenever we do give something, it's never enough: a few years later they're back asking for more. The best way to help these poor nations is to stop shielding them from the logical consequences of their idiotic, long-debunked socialist economic policies."

3. "Relief wouldn't hurt us... if we 'relieved' the right countries," suggests government advisor @@RANDOMNAME@@. "We give them a little humanitarian aid, they give us access to their @@MAJORINDUSTRY@@ markets... it's win-win. Nothing wrong with a little quid pro quo, especially for a good cause."

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#37: Traffic Cops Needed on Information Superhighway? [Snowcat]

The Issue
Certain shadowy ministerial figures have proposed government monitoring of individual internet usage.

The Debate
1. "In these days of terror and uncertainty, it's exactly what we need," says @@RANDOMNAME@@, signing an arrest warrant. "Every pervert, terrorist, bomb-building maniac and anti-government idiot is currently online. I'm not saying that we should block citizens from seeing it, but let's also watch who's seeking it out. This will give our law enforcement officers the chance to prevent crimes before they happen. If you've done nothing wrong, you've got nothing to hide."

2. "Well, I AM saying we should block out that filth," says a man in a dark hat, stepping from the shadows. "If people want to use the internet, they can view our government-approved sites. Those are swell."

3. Privacy activist @@RANDOMNAME@@ is outraged, as usual. "Tyranny is the natural result of limiting information! Someone, somewhere, will always find something offensive -- mimes for example. Those scare the hell out of me. But should we ban them? No! Free the internet! We have nothing to fear from free information but pop-up advertising!"

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#38: @@NAME@@ Looks to the Stars [Sentient Peoples]

The Issue
The recent popularity of a science-fiction TV show has prompted calls for @@NAME@@ to develop its own space program.

The Debate
1. "Don't tell me space colonies wouldn't be cool," says excited fifth-grade teacher @@RANDOMNAME@@, still wearing big Spock ears from his last convention. "Think of how they would galvanize the national population! And there would also be some kind of scientific benefit, probably."

2. "The project certainly is feasible, but very expensive," says @@NAME@@ Space Agency Head @@RANDOMNAME@@. "We could make it less of a burden on the taxpayers if we sought funding from private industry -- advertisements on the side of our rockets, selling contracts to the Arms Manufacturing industry, that kind of thing."

3. "If God had meant Man to fly, he would have given us solid rocket boosters instead of legs," says religious type @@RANDOMNAME@@. "We should not be looking to the stars, but rather inside our own hearts. That's why we should abandon this so-called space program, and instead make the teaching of religion mandatory in all schools."

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#39: Scandal Rocks @@NAME@@'s Government! [The SLAGLands; ed:The SLAGLands]

The Issue
A tabloid magazine, The National Incriminator, has revealed the sordid details of an affair between one of your top advisors, Robert Lotsalovin, and his secretary.

The Debate
1. "They found out I did WHAT!?" Advisor Lotsalovin says in his morning meeting in your office. "This just can't happen! How can government officials do their jobs properly if we have to work under the constant scrutiny of these idiotic supermarket tabloids? I say tabloid newspapers must be banned, and we must not allow newspapers to speak ill of our government officials... for the good of @@NAME@@, of course.."

2. "Unbelievable!" says Reverend @@RANDOMNAME@@ of the local Catholic church. "Our government officials must be held to a higher standard than this! Mr. Lotsalovin must be removed from office and jailed. We cannot allow such disgusting corruption within the halls of justice!"

3. "Whoa, whoa, hey, now..." argues Senator @@RANDOMNAME@@. "What happened to Mr. Lotsalovin is no different than affairs that happen all over @@NAME@@ every day! Before you know it, they'll be after YOUR sexual history! I think what we need to do is take the public attention off of it somehow, perhaps by... oh, I don't know... giving them a tax cut! That'll divert their attention from this momentary distraction just long enough for Mr. Lotsalovin's divorce process to end!"

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#40: Hukd on Fonix Workd 4 Me! [Bostion; ed:Reploid Productions]

The Issue
@@NAME@@ has a serious problem with poor literacy rates among 12-18 year olds, which many parents and teachers blame on the current state of the education system and lack of government funding.

The Debate
1. Boot Camp instructor @@RANDOMNAME@@ stated his opinion: "Who gives a damn? Makes 'em easier to turn into brainwashed grunts anyhow! You don't need to be able to read in order to fire a gun! What we need to do is focus on our military spending- what does it matter if you can read or not when you're overrun by warmongering barbarians?"

2. On the other side, there's @@NAME@@'s Education Administrator. "This is shocking news. If the children of tomorrow cannot read, then what? Next thing you know, we'll be speaking ebonics! The government must devote more efforts to education! Where will we be twenty years from now with an overflow of unskilled labor?"

3. @@RANDOMNAME@@, principal of a highly-rated private school, prefers a different approach. "Instead of that, why not issue government vouchers so that parents can afford to send their children to privately run schools? We offer a far better education than the public schools. All we do is grind our particular religious views into our students!"

4. "Who needs some fancy-shmancy cash-draining school system, anyway?" @@RANDOMNAME@@ declares from the front steps of his double-wide mobile home, shotgun in hand. "My Pa raised me and my eight brothers and three sisters without no waste of time schoolin'! My Pa taught me everythin' I need t'know, let all these whippersnappers' Mas and Pas teach 'em what they need t'know!"

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#41: Software Giant Stomps on Competition [1 Infinite Loop; ed:The SLAGLands]

The Issue
The CEO of @@NAME@@ software, hardware, and electronic headwear giant Microcosm, Inc. has been brought before the Supreme Court for violation of antitrust laws.

The Debate
1. "These allegations are absolutely ludicrous!" shouts Microcosm CEO @@RANDOMNAME@@ from out the window of his 90-foot stretch limo. "Just because rival companies are incapable of producing products as brilliant as mine is no reason to punish ME! I say it's high time we abolish these idiotic antitrust laws and give big business the freedom to serve the public better. After all, I'm in this business for the people!"

2. "Microcosm must be shut down immediately," argues CEO of Computers, Computers, Computers! @@RANDOMNAME@@ from out the window of his clunky, exhaust-choked used car. "I can't get a foothold to compete in the market because those bigwigs in Microcosm have that foothold by the throat! It's high time the government stepped in and helped out the little man, and the best way to do that is to shut down the big, oppressive, corporate gurus in Microcosm and beyond."

3. "Verily, I say unto thee, none of this would have happened wouldst thou not have stopped the problem before thou didst start it," argues Brother @@RANDOMNAME@@ of the @@NAME@@ Amish community from out the window of his horse-drawn carriage. "We must doest as the Lord commandeth and abolishest the evils of computers and the Internet entirely. Only whenst we harken unto the Lord's commandments mayeth we truly be spiritually blessed."

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#42: Turn Down That Racket, Say Morality Police [The Prelapsarian State; ed:The SLAGLands]

The Issue
A group of concerned parishioners and soccer moms has petitioned the government of @@NAME@@ to outlaw heavy metal music, which they fear is a bad influence on youngsters.

The Debate
1. "Heavy metal music is a plague in our good nation and its God-fearing people!" argues local priest and easy listening advocate @@RANDOMNAME@@. "Just the other day, I heard a song by some group called Hell's Irate Puppies with a sinful quantity of bass and drum... oh, and there were probably some lines about killing parents, too, I'd imagine! It's vital that we ban this music, and remove this terrible influence from our children's lives! Think of the children!"

2. "Whoa, man... what's with the, like, censorship and stuff?" asks @@RANDOMNAME@@, scruffy-haired bassist of the popular speed metal band The Destroyinators. "You can't, like, censor the music, man. That's how we express ourselves! Every bass beat is me bearing my soul! Every howl is me complainin' about how my parents tried to kick me out of their basement! Besides, what's wrong with Satan? He's just misunderstood anyway. I say promote the arts, man!"

3. "You know, this heavy metal issue has me thinking," says @@RANDOMNAME@@, your brother, over your weekly game of cribbage. "If these long-haired freaks want to put out their devil-worshipping metal, why don't we let them? Of course, we'll put a little subliminal propoganda into every song... after all, don't these guys owe their freedom of expression to you?"

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#43: Prisoners Demand Elbow Room [Lucazmodei; ed:The SLAGLands]

The Issue
In a display of unity that can best be described as "highly unnerving," criminals and law enforcement officials alike are up in arms about recent overcrowding within prisons in @@NAME@@.

The Debate
1. "I tell ya, chief... this ain't good," mutters local police chief @@RANDOMNAME@@ over his morning cup of coffee. "I see these no-good mohawk-wearin' punks every day, and they're a dangerous bunch. They gotta be locked in their mudholes forever! If we can't afford to keep 'em in prison, I say we need more money! Let's just casually shift some funding from elsewhere; after all, it ain't like our welfare program is helping keep these kids away from crime."

2. "How can these wayward individuals find their inner selves by staring at the walls within a stone cell?" challenges human rights activist and local prison license plate maker @@RANDOMNAME@@ "The nation's budget is absolute proof: we cannot afford prisons... strictly because of their immorality! Let these caged birds breathe the sweet air of freedom again! Shut down all prisons in @@NAME@@!"

3. "Now hold on just a second here," says @@RANDOMNAME@@, CEO of @@NAME@@'s most widely-known pizza delivery chain, Papa Pallocci's Pizza Pagoda. "You've got a problem with prisoners, and I've got a problem finding employees. Why don't you just send some of your criminals to Papa Pallocci's? We'll put 'em to work at lower pay as punishment for their crimes! I win, you win... the economy wins!"

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#44: No Pain, No Gain! [Independent Planets; ed:SalusaSecondus]

The Issue
Due to the recent capture of a foreign terrorist in @@NAME@@, high-level military officials want the government to authorize torture to extract information about other terrorist activities.

The Debate
1. "Torture is the only way that we can get these idiots to tell us anything," says General @@RANDOMNAME@@ of @@NAME@@'s special forces division. "After all, violence is the only shared language we have with these scum."

2. "Are you kidding?" states political activist @@RANDOMNAME@@. "Torture never works. If anything, it should be outlawed. What do we want to become, genocidal maniacs?

3. "There's nothing wrong with torture, but we can't make it too obvious," says Secretary of Defense @@RANDOMNAME@@. "How about we simply ask them nicely, and then, if they don't tell us, we kill them? That's better just from the intimidation."

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#45: Baseball League Steps Up To The Plate [Pilot; ed:The SLAGLands]

The Issue
The Batter Up! Baseball League has begun to grow in popularity and is now seeking government support in establishing teams and stadiums throughout the nation.

The Debate
1. "Holy cow, is this gonna be great!" hollers BUBL President and sports nut @@RANDOMNAME@@, wearing a fashionable giant foam finger on his right hand. "Baseball is just what @@NAME@@ needs right now! Think about it: soda, popcorn, hot dogs... oh, and I'm sure the economy will benefit somehow, too! All we need is the government funding to build stadiums and teams, and we'll be on every TV and in every city in the country!"

2. "You're going to spend the taxpayer's money on WHAT?" counters Minister of Finance @@RANDOMNAME@@ in his newly furnished office. "I mean, I love playing a good game of baseball every now and then, but does the government really need to go around supporting this? The only people that are going to benefit are a bunch of fat-cat burger vendors and bored hicks with nothing better to do on Sunday afternoon! We need to stop spending so much money on these ridiculous games and get back to what's really important: running the business of the country."

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#46: Jennifer Government Censorship Row [Sirocco; ed:?]

The Issue
A new book, Jennifer Government, by Max Barry, has been causing quite a stir in governmental offices across @@NAME@@.

The Debate
1. "At first I liked the book," says famous politician @@RANDOMNAME@@, "but then it clearly turned out to be just a mockery of our government! This is brainwashing our citizens into thinking that they're being governed badly. I suggest we hang, draw and quarter the author of this book and take satires off the shelves!"

2. "Don't be silly" says book reviewer @@RANDOMNAME@@, "it's a great book and you don't necessarily have to take the views inside seriously! If anything, there should be more satires. Maybe then, we'll get the right people in charge of this messed-up country!"

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#47: The Great Wall of @@NAME@@? [1 Infinite Loop; ed:Reploid Productions]

The Issue
Due to the ongoing wars in neighboring countries, a recent rash of illegal immigrants have been caught at the borders of @@NAME@@, prompting many citizens to call for tighter immigration laws.

The Debate
1. @@RANDOMNAME@@ of the @@NAME@@ National Purity League says "These illegal aliens are just an eyesore with their strange customs and funny languages. Uneducated immigrants like these only worsen crime and steal valuable jobs! I say we should boot them all out on their ears and put a big fence around the country!"

2. @@RANDOMNAME@@ of the @@NAME@@ Civil Liberties Union says "We must welcome these refugees from any nation into our open arms, they are fleeing one oppressive dictatorial regime in the only way they know, we must not let them think they're jumping from the frying pan into the fire!"

3. "Hold on there, hold on people!" says @@RANDOMNAME@@ of the @@NAME@@ Broadcasting company, "We don't have to take either extreme, all we have to do is make a TV game show out of it! We put deadly obstacles on the border and monitor it with television cameras! Those that make it across win freedom and citizenship, and those who don't, well, lets just say that our buzzards won't starve. We could call it 'Who Wants to be an Immigrant?'!"

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#48: Give Us Healthcare or Give Us Death! [Dictator Amanda; ed:Reploid Productions]

The Issue
A large group of @@NAME@@'s uninsured citizens have petitioned the government to provide a universal healthcare system, citing the poor health of many low and middle-class workers. Some of the more vocal of them are threatening violence if something isn't done.

The Debate
1. "A universal healthcare system would provide everyone with the same quality healthcare the more wealthy and well-insured currently receive," says recently laid-off citizen and civil rights activist @@RANDOMNAME@@. "Sure, taxes would probably have to increase a bit. But isn't it worth it to provide our lower-class citizens with the same opportunities the upper-class citizens have?"

2. "Are you all INSANE? This will ruin the health insurance business and drive up unemployment rates," argues @@RANDOMNAME@@, head of the largest insurance provider in @@NAME@@. "If everyone working for their health insurance could suddenly get it free, there would be fewer jobs filled. It would get worse for everyone involved. The government should investigate the motives of these troublemaking 'protestors', instead!"

3. "Why do we have to choose either radical option?" says your Secretary of Health, @@RANDOMNAME@@. "Couldn't we just provide limited basic healthcare for our citizens and have major operations covered by private health insurance? It would be more affordable and the poor would suffer less than they do under the current system."

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#49: Diving For @@CURRENCY@@s [Nogero; ed:Reploid Productions]

The Issue
Divers from a local scuba club have discovered an enormous underwater gold deposit that could be worth billions of @@CURRENCY@@s in one of @@NAME@@'s lakes. It has also caused a huge debate over who should be allowed to plunder the goods.

The Debate
1. @@RANDOMNAME@@, a cabinet member, would like the government to seize the deposit. "This is an excellent time to boost @@NAME@@'s economy and increase our foreign trade with other countries! Who cares about the people that discovered the deposit? They've done their country a great favor and should let us have the money!"

2. @@RANDOMNAME@@, a civil rights activist, vehemently disagrees. "The deposit was found by private citizens and it should be their choice of what to do with the gold. If the government goes around stealing what is rightfully ours, then I shudder to think I live in such a corrupt country. These people discovered the gold, it's now their time to get rich! Nevermind the fact they were diving in a lake on government property!"

3. "We should do what now?" Environmentalist @@RANDOMNAME@@ exclaims. "Do you have any idea how damaging it would be to the environment to mine the gold under that lake? Think of all the aquatic life that would be disrupted or destroyed! Think of how an otherwise pristine lake view would be ruined! Forget the gold and keep those money-grubbing pigs away from nature!"

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#50: Whips, Chains, and Leather, oh my! [Yacatizma; ed:Reploid Productions]

The Issue
An organized crowd of leather-clad individuals, some of whom are on leashes, are protesting against discrimination for those who share their interests.

The Debate
1. "We happen to express our love differently, with different hobbies and activities," explains BDSM enthusiast @@RANDOMNAME@@, while wearing needle-sharp spiked heels and holding a whip. "Shops exist to cater to the needs of 'normal' people, but do you have ANY idea how hard it is to get a quality whip? A little support for our hobbies would be appreciated!"

2. "Yeah," exclaims @@RANDOMNAME@@, another enthusiast, wearing nothing but a collar, "and like other couples, we want the right to display our affection in public. If Master wants to take me walkies in public, he should be able to."

3. @@RANDOMNAME@@ dissents wholeheartedly. "This is not about showing affection--this is about moral decency. Think of the children, for God's sake! Think of the children! We must criminalize and eliminate this perversion to keep them safe. Which of course means a special task force to track down and capture these cretins!"

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#51: Streaker in Snooker Game Fiasco [Sirocco; ed:Reploid Productions]

The Issue
After a sixty year old man with psoriasis streaked past cameras and millions of sports fans during the snooker league playoffs, protesters have called for tougher action.

The Debate
1. "This can't go on!" says traumatized snooker player @@RANDOMNAME@@, "Children are watching sports and having them exposed to this lewd behaviour is unacceptable! I demand that these people be locked up for several years and maybe they'll have learnt their lesson!"

2. "Oh don't be ridiculous!" scoffs prolific streaker @@RANDOMNAME@@, "It's all just a bit of fun and the kids shouldn't be wrapped in cotton wool, or they'll learn nothing! Sports are so dull anyway, it needs a little bare skin to liven it up. Streaking should be legal!"

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#52: Is it Art or is it Porn? [Imnsvale; ed:Reploid Productions]

The Issue
Vocal members of the Moral Minority have been complaining and petitioning the government about the new art gallery displaying several provocative nude portraits by several famous artists. Moral Minority members claim these pieces of work promote prostitution and indecent sexual acts.

The Debate
1. "Stop my children from looking at smut! These artists are only perverts pretending to be artists! Think of the children!" says @@RANDOMNAME@@, mother of three and proud member of Mothers Promoting Purity. "These artists are only going to rouse our innocent children to commit grotesque acts of immorality! Get rid of it all!"

2. "Well, I see that point, but we certainly don't need to ban inoffensive art, still lifes of inanimate objects and such," says your sister, @@RANDOMNAME@@. "Perhaps we should set some guidelines for what is acceptable as art and what isn't. Artistic renditions of people getting it on are one thing. A bunch of fruit in a decorative bowl is another entirely."

3. "That is censorship!" says noted art history teacher @@RANDOMNAME@@. "You can't ban art! It's freedom of expression; it's part of our culture. If anything, the government should be supporting these artists and their work, not listening to these prudish whackjobs who are scared of a little bare skin!"

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#53: Orbital Armageddon? [The us marine corps; ed:Reploid Productions]

The Issue
The space research organization in @@NAME@@ has requested more government funding for space-related research and development, and the possiblity of creating orbital weapons platforms has become a topic of intense debate.

The Debate
1. General @@RANDOMNAME@@ says, "We should spend more. But not just on exploration. We should start developing Orbital Weapons! Space Marines! Armed Spacecraft! We would rule the region, and look cool doing it! Just divert some funding from environmental protection, and BAM! Sci-fi goodies!"

2. Noted Scientist and pacifist writer @@RANDOMNAME@@ thinks otherwise, "No! Space is a place for peace! It's the only place left we've got that we haven't screwed up. Oh, the space program still needs funding, don't get me wrong. But none of this 'military in space' stuff! We ought to divert funding from the military to education and space research instead!"

3. Fringe Group Leader @@RANDOMNAME@@ disagrees, "Space is a total waste of time. We should spend more on stuff people actually CARE about. Like voting rights and protecting the environment! Forget that fancy-schmancy space station!"

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#54: Time to Put the Older Senators Out to Pasture? [Pangaa; ed:Reploid Productions]

The Issue
Many people are starting to think that it's time to put term limits on elected officials, given the average age of 70 years old and 40 years of service in the nation's Parliament.

The Debate
1. "It's time to get these lifetime politicians off the government payroll!" says term-limits advocate @@RANDOMNAME@@ "Let them get real jobs like the rest of us once they leave office. Besides, if they are currently a Senator, they can always run for another office like Governor. This gives people the right to elect whomever they want to run for office, just not the same office forever. It'll keep things from going completely stale!"

2. "Wait a minute" says @@RANDOMNAME@@, chairman of the national Infinite Power party. "We pay a lot of money to get those people into office. It can take several terms before we get a return on our investment, I mean, candidates. We should extend the number of years for each term, not limit the number of times a person can serve in any specific office!"

3. Your aunt's mother's step-sister's best friend's hairstylist, @@RANDOMNAME@@, pooh-poohs the entire idea. "You know how to run your country, yes? Why deal with the hassle of elected officials and elections in the first place, yes? Eliminate elections and this entire term limit issue becomes moot, yes?"

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#55: Bigtopian Protesters Cry For Full Integration [Grantwold; ed:The SLAGLands]

The Issue
Bigtopian activists have staged a sit-in at the largest primary school in @@NAME@@ bringing education to a halt in a bid for integration and tolerance.

The Debate
1. "You know... it's not that we don't let them in... it's that they don't apply," murmurs Principal @@RANDOMNAME@@, nervously tugging at his shirt collar. "I mean, yeah, sure, if these Bigtopians lived around here... uh... we'd let them into the school. But... you know... this isn't exactly a Bigtopian community, you know? So... uh... could you please put a stop to these protestors? Oh, and, uh..." Here he leans forward and whispers. "...make sure those creepy Bigtopian protestors don't show up at my school again, okay?"

2. "The time has come for the dream of equality to be realized!" shouts noted Bigtopian rights activist @@RANDOMNAME@@, slamming his fist against your desk. "I see Lilliputians, Tasmanians, and Lord knows how many East Lebatuckese keeping my Bigtopian brothers holed away in their prisons of blindness and ethnic apartheid! The time has come for full integration! If these schools are going to keep us out, I say it's time we were bussed in!"

3. "Well, that's all well and good, but it ain't well and good enough!" screams @@RANDOMNAME@@, leader of Bigtopians Rising Against Totalitarianist Scum, slamming his black-gloved fist against his podium during a recent BRATS pep rally. "We ain't just bein' kept out of their schools; we're bein' kept out of their neighborhoods! The oppressive majority fears us, but they can't hold us back any longer! The government needs to integrate the community as a whole by pushing out the majority and making way for a very loud, very angry minority!"

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#56: "Give Us Money!" Quoth the Poet [Ursoria; ed:Reploid Productions]

The Issue
The National Poetry Society of @@NAME@@ is demanding government-funded programs to promote the arts, especially poetry.

The Debate
1. "We need government help to promote culture." says @@RANDOMNAME@@, chairperson of the National Poetry Society of @@NAME@@. "Poetry is the soul of our nation, the very pulse of humanity! We will ultimately be judged according to our contribution to artistic enlightenment. In other words, please provide funding for our humble mission to bring the beauty of poetry to the masses!"

2. "Artists and poets should support themselves, like everyone else," replies @@RANDOMNAME@@, spokesperson for the Capitalism Now Party. "The suffering taxpayers should be given a break. In fact, we should abolish all government subsidies for special interest groups."

3. "Poets--who needs them?!" scoffs @@RANDOMNAME@@, Chairperson Emeritus of the Troglodyte Coalition. "These long-haired troublemakers should all be lined up against the wall and shot! That would be far more entertaining than reading some dumb poems!"

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#57: Electronic Plague in @@NAME@@! [Sentient Peoples; ed:Reploid Productions]

The Issue
The malicious computer virus "DEAT.exe" is infecting nearly all the computers in @@NAME@@ and the people are crying out for the government to do something about it.

The Debate
1. "It's those horrible kids. Hacking in where they don't belong. You've got to give us more funding to put a stop to it," says @@NAME@@ Federal Police Chief @@RANDOMNAME@@. "Like with cars- ban kids from using computers until they pass a test and get a license!"

2. CEO @@RANDOMNAME@@ of CyberMirage Labs has a different idea. "Let us release SAL9000, our new AI, into the @@NAME@@ Network. It'll put a stop to this virus. Nevermind that it's still only an untested beta!"

3. "Yeah, wonderful! Fix a virus by releasing an AI that will likely turn on its creators? Are you people trying to get us all killed?!" Decries infamous technophobe @@RANDOMNAME@@, "What do we need computers for anyway? They will only bring us trouble and disaster! Personal computers ought to be banned!"

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#58: Violent Violetists Demand Blood! [Total n Utter Insanity; ed:Reploid Productions]

The Issue
Members of a new weird religious cult, called the Order of Violet, ask for the government to appease their mighty god by offering Her a sacrifice of the human variety.

The Debate
1. "What have we got to lose?" says religious freedoms advocate @@RANDOMNAME@@. "Just cut up a few homeless folk- it appeases this group's bloodthirsty Goddess, gets rid of unsightly bums that drain welfare, and everybody goes home happy."

2. "We must go much further than a few beggars!" argues the overzealous High Member of the Order of Violet, @@RANDOMNAME@@. "You must pass a law that everyone’s first born child must be slaughtered, on live TV if possible. Think of the viewing figures!"

3. "You aren't going to listen to these whackjob Violetists, are you?" comments @@RANDOMNAME@@ while leading a prayer group. "Human sacrifices! Surely we're too civilized to permit such barbaric practices! These lunatic fringe groups should be outlawed, their leaders should be executed!"

4. "Who's being a lunatic?" retorts @@RANDOMNAME@@ of the @@NAME@@ Humanitarian Society. "I agree that these practices ought to be outlawed, but instead of sinking to the same level of these fanatics and killing our fellow people, why not simply start a re-education program? Even the worst person can be rehabilitated into a useful member of society, with enough time, care, and lots and lots of funding!"

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#59: Drunk Driving On The Rise [Cspalla; ed:SalusaSecondus]

The Issue
More and more, citizens are drinking before getting behind the wheel. A group of concerned citzens wants something done.

The Debate
1. @@RANDOMNAME@@, head of @@NAME@@'s chapter of Alcoholics Anonymous, says that drunk drivers need help. "Alcoholism is a nasty thing, a disease. The government has to help these poor souls to avoid the temptations of liquor, and wine, and beer, and hard cider, and brandy, and . . ." His eyes get a glazed far off look, "Where was I? Oh right, we have to help these people, not imprison them."

2. "That’s lovely," says @@RANDOMNAME@@, a noted anti-alcohol advocate, "In a perfect world where rehab fixes everything. But this is the real world, and it doesn’t bring back the victims. Drunk drivers kill people every day. If they take other's lives, the government must take theirs!"

3. "All of those plans attack the symptoms, not the disease," says Minister of Transportation @@RANDOMNAME@@, "Alcohol is a curse, a poison sent by the Devil to tempt mankind. We cannot trust people to make decisions for themselves. The only answer is prohibition. Ban alcohol completely."

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#60: Supreme Court Nomination [Nuttylnd; ed:SalusaSecondus]

The Issue
The death of 108 year old Supreme Court Justice @@RANDOMNAME@@ has created an opening on the bench. Below are the possible nominees.

The Debate
1. @@RANDOMNAME@@, the Former CEO of @@NAME@@ Products, says "I have long sat by and watched our government vicously attack the big businesses in this country. The government has no right to control businesses and I will adopt that position in all of my judgements."

2. Reverend @@RANDOMNAME@@ is nominee #2. The Reverend says "I am sick and tired of the liberals in this country ruining our family values. Every day they assault our basic sense of decency. You must vote for me to keep our families safe. Think of the children!!"

3. Gay Activist and former Senator @@RANDOMNAME@@ is nominee #3. "Our people aren't happy, we need more freedom, we need more civil rights. We must keep the government out of the bedroom. We must respect peoples right to privacy and remember that personal relations are just that, personal."

4. Environmental Activist @@RANDOMNAME@@ argues, "Our government has been constantly violating Mother Earth and her rights, all our politicians talk about are civil rights, civil rights this, civil rights that, blah blah blah, we aren't important, what is important is the Earth!"

5. The last nominee is the retired Five Star General @@RANDOMNAME@@. "We are ridiculed throughout the international community for our low quality weaponry, our police and military numbers are not sufficient. Our military must be protected from both constitutional and civilian oversight. They should be given money, and a free hand."

6. Finally, a tomato flies by your head flung by an angry protester. "We want to elect our own judges! This is a democracy! More power to the people! We don't want a lapdog! Separation of Powers! Get the government out of the judicial system!" He chucks another tomato at you before security escorts him out of your private office.

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#61: Should the Government Grant Estates and Titles of Nobility? [Leptonia; ed:SalusaSecondus]

The Issue
A peculiar confederacy of small-government advocates, regular attendees at @@NAME@@'s annual Medieval Faire, and the super rich have demanded that the government grant estates and confer titles of nobility upon certain influential persons.

The Debate
1. "Of course I should be appointed as the Duke of @@NAME@@ City," says multi-billionaire @@RANDOMNAME@@. "Not only would it be an apt reward for my contributions to @@NAME@@, but the citizens who become landed serfs on my estate would work harder than they ever have in all their lives." Adds small-government advocate @@RANDOMNAME@@, "Government would at last return to the local level, close to the people and the land to which they would be bound for life."

2. "I can't believe I'm hearing this," exclaims noted civil rights advocate @@RANDOMNAME@@. "Those who are behind this espouse a system that grants inordinate amounts of institutional power to the rich and ensures that no one will be able to climb the social ladder. Everyone in society must be granted an equal opportunity to succeed or fail. Say 'no' to a nobility!"

3. "I think both of the other parties are taking this issue to the extreme," argues a learned elderly gentleman resting on a park bench. "All that's being advocated is giving those who have contributed to their nation a ceremonial title and a bit of land. Besides," he adds, "the government can tax their estate."

4. "A good day to thee, milord," counters @@RANDOMNAME@@, an amateur Medieval Faire actor dressed in period costume, "I would suggest that thou hasten thyself to spectate at the jousting competition this forenoon. Aye, quite a bout we have arrayed for thee this day. However, the whole affair could be much grander if only we received a few more gold crownes from the government. Aye, 'twould be a grand tourney of knightly skill and courage indeed!"

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#62: Oh, the Angst! [Uni Students; ed:Reploid Productions]

The Issue
In response to rising rates of depression related suicides, mental health groups have called for government funding to help support treatment programs, citing various surveys that indicate psychological disorders are often an overlooked problem.

The Debate
1. "Although it is often dismissed as an irrelevant complaint, depression is a real disease, it isn't just 'all in your head'" says @@RANDOMNAME@@, depression sufferer. "Depression has significant effects on groups and individuals, especially amongst teenagers. Every day, more and more people commit suicide because of this disease, but this could all be stopped if this country had a decent level of funding for support and public awareness programs."

2. "Screw them," @@RANDOMNAME@@, talkback radio host, stated yesterday. "Depression isn't a disease, it's just another example of today's youth finding something to complain about. Life's never been better. In fact, just yesterday, I bought my fourth BMW. And even if it is as serious as the bleeding hearts claim, then I say we leave it and cut some of the funding being wasted on these head cases. If a few whiners jump off a bridge, it'll be good for the genepool. Natural selection, my friends. It's a great thing."

3. "Actually, a lot of depression cases in teens are related to school and all the stress and pressure young people are under to succeed. A greater effort to correct the problem of depression should start there, with more funding so that schools can provide better counseling programs." Comments Dr. @@RANDOMNAME@@, author of the book "Tomato Soup for the Soul". "That way teens who are depressed can get help even if their parents can't or won't take them to see a psychologist."

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#63: Tykes with Tools? [New Parakeet; ed:SalusaSecondus]

The Issue
A controversial newspaper investigation reveals that as many as 30% of all children are employed in a dangerous environment.

The Debate
1. @@RANDOMNAME@@, an orphanage foster parent, says, "Child labor should be outlawed! Too many times I have received children who only know manual labor. We have to give these children an education and a chance at a real future. Think of the children!" @@RANDOMNAME@@, a bum on the street, agrees, "Forget about what's best for the children. They're stealing my work! The only way to get an entry job in this market is to either be younger than 12 and willing to work for nothing, or to knock off a kid and be there to fill the opening, and still be willing to work for nothing."

2. Unemployed parent @@RANDOMNAME@@ begs that you keep child labor legal. "You can't outlaw child labor; we need the extra money that my 13 children earn. Since both my spouse and I were laid off, the only way to get enough money to feed both of us is to have all of our kids employed. In fact, with the downswing in the economy we're expecting another kid to close the gap."

3. Fat cat factory owner @@RANDOMNAME@@ steps over the bum in the street and explains, "You don't understand. You shouldn't make child labor illegal, you should subsidize it. By employing these kids I'm giving them valuable life lessons. I didn't go to school and see where I am now? I'm giving them work experience, making them highly employable for the 15 years of their expected lives."

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#64: Put the "Board" Back in Board of Education [Curia; ed:Reploid Productions]

The Issue
The @@NAME@@ Teachers' Union, complaining of a steady increase in student disciplinary problems, wants to be able to use corporal punishment to correct misbehavior.

The Debate
1. "Clearly, parents aren't teaching manners at home," says @@RANDOMNAME@@, the union president. "All we want is to be able to take a paddle to their backsides when there are problems. It's not like we want to throw the kids in jail."

2. "Keep your hands off my kids!" shouts @@RANDOMNAME@@, while protesting outside of union headquarters. "If there's a problem, it's with the teachers not having the skills to do their jobs. They should be tested for qualifications!"

3. "Corporal punishment would only treat a symptom of the bigger problem: our education system is in need of an overhaul," says @@RANDOMNAME@@, @@NAME@@'s education minister. "We need smaller class sizes, more teachers, better buildings, and better pay. It'll cost, but it'll pay off in the long run."

4. "Why don't we just abolish the schools and home-school the kids?" asks @@RANDOMNAME@@, education coordinator for the @@NAME@@ First Omnimenical Church. "That way parents can stress the values they want their kids to have and give them the attention they need."

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#65: Should Martial Law be declared? [American Militarists; ed:?]

The Issue
In response to increasing crime and violence across @@NAME@@, the people are crying out for some degree of order.

The Debate
1. "Placing the military in charge of government affairs will be a disaster" says @@RANDOMNAME@@, as a random thug steals the shirt off their back. "You can't scare people straight! What we need is reform and respect for civil rights and our political freedom. You will have none of that under Martial Law."

2. "It’s not that way at all," argues army general @@RANDOMNAME@@. "The fact is, if we don't implement some sort of order this country will fall into a state of anarchy. I urge you to act strongly and proactively before it is too late. We must exercise complete control over the populace to restore peace and security. Martial Law must be implemented, curfews established, and elections temporarily suspended. Only by doing this can we hope to have a future for @@NAME@@."

3. "Look, we do need more security, but we can't sacrifice our freedoms. Just increase the police force and call in the National Guard," says @@RANDOMNAME@@. "We need order, but Martial Law is too drastic and restricting".

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#66: Transsexual Demands Recognition in Chosen Gender [Melmond; ed:Enodia]

The Issue
After the tabloid magazine "The Bun" outed a supermodel to have been born male, the state has anulled her marriage to her husband.

The Debate
1. "I have gone through 20 years of internal pain about my external appearance and I put so much effort and money into finally having the world see the real me!" says transsexual activist @@RANDOMNAME@@. "The government needs to recognize my true gender as well as cover the surgeries and medicines needed to get me where I am today!"

2. "Transsexuals are delusional if they think they will ever be members of their gender they wish they were." says right-wing radio show host @@RANDOMNAME@@. "It is a biological fact that our gender is determined by our chromosomes, anyone who tries to act like the gender they are not should be immediately arrested and taken to a psychiatrist!"

3. "You know everyone, gender isn't a black and white proposition," states self-identified "genderqueer" @@RANDOMNAME@@ "There are XX males, XY females, and many people who have ambigious sexual characteristics or just don't feel they belong in the category male or female, the government must recognize our existence!"

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#67: Most Likely To Secede [Leptonia; ed:SalusaSecondus]

The Issue
A group of bearded militiamen have recently declared rural @@RANDOMNAME@@ County a sovereign and independent nation! @@NAME@@'s talk radio pundits demand immediate government action.

The Debate
1. "Gov'mint's not workin' fo' folks 'round here," says @@RANDOMNAME@@, a turnip farmer, "We have ourselves a guar-un-teed right to form a gov'mint that works for us. We don't want any confrontation, now, we just want to shake hands and let ya'll get along with yer business while we get along with ours."

2. "I can't believe this!" shouts General Bill Sherman. "This is tantamount to treason! Our political system would collapse if whole territories were allowed to leave at any time. It would be chaos! I propose that you let me take care of the problem...permanently."

3. "Perhaps we can reach a suitable middle ground," says an elderly gentleman resting on a park bench, "If we were to bring government close to the people, and allow them to have a modicum of self-determination, perhaps they wouldn't feel the need to cede. Let's give the local governments more power."

4. "Our last caller made a really good point," says talk radio host @@RANDOMNAME@@, "These decent, hard working citizens are clearly being brainwashed by @@NAME@@ Public Radio's prattle. I don't want my tax dollars supporting their agenda. Therefore, the answer is clear: dismantle @@NAME@@ Public Radio."

#68: Ornery Overcrowding Problem [Frigben; ed:Reploid Productions]

The Issue
A survey recently released by the @@NAME@@ Housing Authority indicates that the country's burgeoning population is rapidly leading to a housing crisis as families find themselves crammed into increasingly cramped living spaces.

The Debate
1. "What we need are more high rises, whether low-cost or fancy condos," says demographic expert @@RANDOMNAME@@. "They're efficient, waste little land, and wouldn't you love to wake up to the bright cheery sky in front of you every morning? Of course, there's the problem of higher contagious disease transmission, but I'm sure our health system is robust enough for that. Not to mention all the jobs these new buildings will bring."

2. "All these industrial factories take up so much space," argues social welfare commentator @@RANDOMNAME@@. "The fact is, not only do they pollute, but they hog land that is better used for low-cost housing. Studies show that apartments are just too cramped for people to be comfortable in. We would be a lot better off in simple single-floor houses. Especially if they're subsidised by the government."

3. "This raises an interesting issue," says @@RANDOMNAME@@, staunch supporter of birth control. "And that is: why do we need to build more housing anyway? Why don't we just limit the number of children one family can have? Besides, pregnancy causes all sorts of complications. We're better off with less of it anyway."

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#69: Power Problems Need Bright Solution [Plumbumia; ed:Reploid Productions]

The Issue
The oldest powerstation in @@NAME@@ suffered catastrophic failure last night, plunging a third of @@NAME@@'s national power supply grid into darkness. There is no debate that it needs to be replaced, but the question is with what?

The Debate
1. "The solution is clear," says environmental activist @@RANDOMNAME@@. "Wind turbines and solar power stations are the cleanest there are. We must switch power production to forms of renewable energy, that will never run out. The only minor problems are that wind farms will take up a great deal of space and of course we can't exactly rely on the weather. It isn't as though we control it. But think of how much healthier people will be without all that pollution!"

2. "Wind power? Solar collectors? Bah! Have you ever wondered when the least amount of strain is placed on the national grid? WHEN THE SUN IS SHINING!" exclaims Southern @@NAME@@ Electra official @@RANDOMNAME@@ "We need power under our control, and cheaply. Coal has been the cheapest and most abundant power source for ages. We don't need this airy fairy wind malarky when we have cheap and reliable power available for all. True, pollution will be a bit on the heavy side but I'm sure that's only a minor problem, with how well funded our health system is!"

3. "Now the way I see it is that it's either green, expensive, and sprawling; or compact, polluting and cheap. Wouldn't it be nice if we had the best of both worlds, well, we can!" claims fission technician @@RANDOMNAME@@ "Nuclear power is reliable, clean and although it isn't cheap, it won't break the bank. There is a risk of deadly meltdown, but this is relativly small, and the only people who could be against this are anti-nuclear protesters, but what do we care about those tree-hugging hippies?"

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#70: Purge the Infidels! [SalusaSecondus; ed:Reploid Productions]

The Issue
The fanatical religious organization @@NAME@@'s Concerned Citizens for Our God has brought it to your attention that there are many non-believers in your nation, and that they think something should be done about this.

The Debate
1. "We already have an official religion." Says @@RANDOMNAME@@, the white cloaked spokesperson for @@NAME@@'s Concerned Citizens. "Why not enforce it? After all the only way to Heaven is through US and Our God. If they will not believe in Our Loving and Forgiving God they must be PUT TO DEATH, in His mercy . . . "

2. "Put to death? Is this really the type of person you want to listen to?" Says @@RANDOMNAME@@. "Everyday I thank God that I'm an agnostic and don't need to believe this nonsense. Religion shouldn't have anything to do with our government. You should get rid of it immediately!"

3. "They're right, religion shouldn't have a role in our government, but they don't go far enough." Says @@RANDOMNAME@@ at a local AA (Atheists Anonymous) meeting. "Few things have caused more death and suffering in this world than religion. Just look at the Crusades and the Jihads throughout history! This should be treated like the mental disorder it is. Remember, religion teaches intolerance, and we cannot accept that!"

4. "Oh Lord, please don't let our noble leader listen to these extremists!" prays your religious advisor, @@RANDOMNAME@@. "Religion is an important guiding force in peoples lives, but we have no right to force it on people. But atheists, since they don't have a religion, are less ethical, their actions will cost society more, so lets tax them to make up the loss."

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#71: Minority Group Demands Language Recognition [Pragmas; ed:SalusaSecondus]

The Issue
A group several thousands strong hailing from a remote, isolated corner of @@NAME@@ is staging a massive demonstration on the front steps of your capitol. They demand that their local dialect be recognized as an official language.

The Debate
1. @@RANDOMNAME@@, your Minister of Culture, has nothing but disdain for the demonstrators. "The language of @@NAME@@ is as important to our national identity as our history is. A truly erudite individual uses perfect grammar and refuses to speak as those ruffians do." Your Finance Minister is quick to chime in as well, "If business is required to print every road sign, instruction manual, and fast-food wrapper in two languages, it would increase everybody's overhead. That means higher prices for the person in the street."

2. "Smarker, but ee's gone blongie 'round the clonger! Trandy in the blang warked a newtie on the Cheebers, quaff me a duggle if it's brine. Sorky, hang our trandy high!" says @@RANDOMNAME@@, speaking for the demonstrators, in an apparently rousing response that draws a cascade of cheers. After a few uncomfortable minutes with a professional translator, you find the speaker said, "I respectfully disagree with the Minister. Multilingualism has brought stability to richly-cultured nations such as Brancaland; indeed, I challenge you to provide a single counterexample. I encourage this government to adopt a policy of multilingualism throughout @@NAME@@!"

3. @@RANDOMNAME@@, a radical opposition member who seems to tag along to every demonstration she can find, has her own proposal. "The language barrier is keeping us all apart. What @@NAME@@ needs is a new identity defined by a new language that we can all agree on. That's unity without favoritism."

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#72: Widening Buttocks Cause Movie Theater Havoc [The velvet cockatiel; ed:The SLAGLands]

The Issue
Several festively chubby people were lodged in their movie theater seats for hours, as @@NAME@@'s Fire Department worked to free them. Health organizations are now expressing concern over the problem of obesity in @@NAME@@.

The Debate
1. "Clearly, we have to do something about the expanding obesity problem in @@NAME@@, er, no pun intended," remarks @@RANDOMNAME@@ of the National Health Bureau. "The government should implement an extensive exercise management program and make it mandatory that all citizens participate in some kind of exercise at least once a week."

2. "Mandatory exercise! Get out! I don't have the time!" snorts nationally renowned TV chef @@RANDOMNAME@@. "How about banning those greasy fast food joints and drive-thrus? I mean, seriously, if you can't get out of your stupid car to walk in and get a meal, how sad is that? Ban fast food and make junk food more expensive--that way, people will have to think about whether they really want to spend ten @@CURRENCY@@s on a snack cake."

3. "I don't see why it's anyone's business but my own how I kill myself," says @@RANDOMNAME@@, a pleasantly plump computer programmer, stuffing a chili dog down his throat. "My weight is my own business, and if I don't feel like exercising, that's my choice. Sure, it'd be healthier to lose a few pounds, but my priorities lie elsewhere. Leave us alone, and we, the citizens of @@NAME@@, will decide what's important to us and what we want to eat."

4. "What about government-funded liposuction?" asks @@RANDOMNAME@@, while contemplatively chewing a mouthful of chili dog. "If I could get the fat sucked off of these hips, that would give me the willpower to stay thin. Obesity would be a thing of the past! Just think of it! Nothing but svelte, beautiful people everywhere! Ah, bliss!"

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#73: @@NAME@@ - Without Cars, Going Nowhere Fast [Reploid Productions; ed:SalusaSecondus]

The Issue
Ever since the government banned automobiles, furious soccer moms and commuters have been petitioning the government to revoke the ban, citing any number of troubles people have had without their cars.

The Debate
1. "The government was being utterly stupid in banning cars, especially at the whim of a bunch of nutjob, tree-hugging bicyclists!" cries @@RANDOMNAME@@, CEO of Coo' Stuff, Inc. "My workers are constantly late, they don't work as much because they have to leave early to walk or bike home... leaving this ban in place will only murder the economy!"

2. "Well, it's extremely difficult to drive my son to and from school and his after-school sports." comments soccer mom @@RANDOMNAME@@. "But I don't want my boy inhaling all those icky fumes. I say bring back cars, but put some effort into finding cleaner fuels and the like! Who cares if it costs a small fortune?"

3. "What do they know?" whispers a strange woman clad all in green. "You ought to clamp down on these protesters. Without cars, the people are much easier for you to control, are they not?"

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#74: @@NAME@@'s Racers Growing Fast and Furious [Nascar Thunder; ed:Reploid Productions]

The Issue
Illegal street racing and racing-related injuries are on the rise, causing many infamous racers to begin rallying for an officially sanctioned racing series and track facilities in order to safely satisfy their need for speed.

The Debate
1. "If you don't let us race on real racetracks, then we'll just keep running on the roads at night!" says racing fans' favorite @@RANDOMNAME@@, at the wheel of a tricked-out Honda. "Would it kill you guys to build a couple of nice big race facilities? Think of the money you'd make on charging admission and selling drinks and stuff! And it'd be a lot safer than all of us tearing around on public roads! Forget about the people griping about the noise pollution!"

2. "Don't tell me you plan to cater to these speed freaks!" police officer @@RANDOMNAME@@ comments over coffee and donuts. "Encouraging this sport is only going to increase the street racing problem because all these punks who can't afford to run the professional circuit are going to want to satisfy their lead feet the way they have been! What we need is more police funding to crack down on these punk hotrodders."

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#75: Cutting Off Sex Offenders? [Istar; ed:Reploid Productions]

The Issue
After the capture and trial of notorious rapist Henry Taiden, who was convicted of the rape of over 50 women in the past two years a debate has emerged on how he should be punished.

The Debate
1. "That psychopath should be castrated!" cries rape victim @@RANDOMNAME@@, "The agony he put me through must be punished with a means that will ensure that no human being will ever go through what I did! If castration is used more often in these cases you will see rape drop to nothing!"

2. "I understand that this is a terrible time for the poor victims in this case," says defense attorney @@RANDOMNAME@@, "However, the answer is not to revert back to the dark ages. Instead, we should focus on rehabilitation of all criminals in our prison system."

3. "Everyone knows re-education is a waste of money, we shouldn't go soft on these crooks!" says CEO @@RANDOMNAME@@ of the People Trading Corporation. "Simply place all rapists and criminals in @@NAME@@ into forced labor under the management of our company to serve out their sentences. When we're through with them, they won't even think of jaywalking, much less harming another person. We get cheap labor, and these crooks get put straight. Everybody benefits... well, except the crooks."

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#76: Suits in Protest [Xibonia; ed:SalusaSecondus]

The Issue
Thousands of business men and women have taken to the streets in protest of their working conditions and pay. "It's not fair that we can't have a union," says @@RANDOMNAME@@, VP of Sales at SlothCorp. "Just because we make six figures doesn't mean we don't deserve overtime too! It's high time that the lower classes come to appreciate our hard efforts."

The Debate
1. @@RANDOMNAME@@, secretary of commerce, recommends you ignore these commies. "Free enterprise means not having to succumb to unions, and the world has enough unions already."

2. @@RANDOMNAME@@, secretary of labor, advises you to adjust laws to allow white-collar unions. "It only makes sense that all of the workers in our nation have equal opportunity to benefit from the advantages of collective bargaining."

3. "Get these people out of the street!" advises @@RANDOMNAME@@, local police chief. "They're blocking traffic, and making it impossible for the common man to drive to the megamall!"

4. Finally, Right Reverend @@RANDOMNAME@@ proclaims, "The downtrodden are suffering at the hands of the MAN, and these wealthy upper shelf vice presidents are asking to make the rich richer and the poor poorer! The only reason the common worker needs a union is to be able to fight against the oppression of these slave drivers! It's ludicrous that these greedy scrooges are asking for even MORE money! Send them packing and raise taxes on the wealthy to bring more equality to our nation!"

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#77: World to End, or Possibly Just Mark Anniversary

The Issue
Along with the rest of the world, the citizens of @@NAME@@ has been stunned by the revelation of a small team of geophysical philosophers that the world turns exactly one year old today, as measured by what they call "RL units".

The Debate
1. "Frankly, I saw this coming -- all the signs of the Apocalypse are here," says local community leader @@RANDOMNAME@@. "Moral standards are falling, the government is making increasingly erratic decisions, and people are neglecting their work to play bizarre political simulation games on the internet. There's only one sensible reaction: declaring a state of emergency, sending out the military, and shooting curfew breakers until the crisis is over."

2. "With respect, I don't think falling moral standards are the problem," says cubicle dweller and Slashdot karma god @@RANDOMNAME@@. "The issue is what's going to happen to our computers if the world clock ticks over from 0 to 1. This Y1 problem, as I call it, could be devastating for our IT industry unless it's tackled swiftly. And by tackled swiftly, I mean given a massive injection of public money."

3. "Why panic when you should be partying?" says @@RANDOMNAME@@, not completely soberly. "It's the first birthday of the world, man -- let people go nuts! If the government has a shred of decency, they'll order the cops to back off and let people really enjoy this incredible moment in history."

4. "This is neither a time for clamping down, nor, as they say, going off," says religious leader @@RANDOMNAME@@. "Rather, we should encourage people to reflect on the great mysteries of life. For example, what is God, to each of us? What is the true meaning of faith? And is the world around us reality, or are we instead living inside a simulated reality that exists only the amusement of beings we cannot even imagine?"

5. "Well, I know what I'll be doing," says obscure author and Perl amateur Max Barry. "Sitting at home with a good book! Jennifer Government, for instance, is a cracking read. And I hear that some of the profits go into maintaining a cool web game. But of course, that's just my opinion. People should celebrate however they want."

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#78: Easter Egg! - Should we pull the Lever? [Meddlers; ed:SalusaSecondus]

The Issue
During the middle of the night, someone has mysteriously put a lever in the middle of the city park. On it, it says, "Pull the Lever, and See the World End."

The Debate
1. "I've always wanted to see the apocalypse." says an elderly man on a park bench. "All that fire and brimstone. To see God's wrath. Something I can tell my grandchildren about later on. I say we should."

2. "Not on your life!" says his wife sitting next to him. "If you pull that lever, we'll have no grandchildren, no life, only heaven and hell. Don't you dare pull that lever."

3. "Now, don't think of it as a do/don't option," says a hot dog vendor. "What if we give tours so that people can see the lever? Not to touch it of course, but to see that humanity can be ruined by such a contraption. We can make a profit."

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#79: @@NAME@@'s @@ANIMAL@@s- Going the Way of the Dodo? [Naelosia; ed:Reploid Productions]

The Issue
The @@ANIMAL@@ is on the brink of extinction, largely due to people hunting them down for tasty @@ANIMAL@@-kahbobs and @@ANIMAL@@burgers, and as ecological disaster looms, various factions are all calling for what they feel should be done about the @@ANIMAL@@.

The Debate
1. "This is an outrage!", shouts @@RANDOMNAME@@, outspoken member of the @@NAME@@ Wilderness Protection Movement. "The government has to put a stop to the out of control hunting of our beloved @@ANIMAL@@s. Do you want our children and grandchildren to miss witnessing the spectacle of wild @@ANIMAL@@s prancing freely in our forests?"

2. "Who cares what happens to some dumb wild pest?", scoffs @@RANDOMNAME@, employee of @@NAME@@ National Lumber, "If they're endangered it's 'cause they were too weak to adapt. They probably deserve to be killed off. With them out of the way, we could clearcut the forests @@ANIMAL@@s like to hide in, which would really boost the economy through the timber industry!"

3. "Nature is hardly a black and white issue." @@RANDOMNAME@, a respected scholar notes. "We should start a breeding program to help these creatures recover their numbers. We can display them in captivity, and gradually release them into the wild. Couple it with limiting, but not abolishing @@ANIMAL@@ hunting, and everyone benefits. Of course, @@ANIMAL@@s raised in captivity don't generally survive in the wild, but I'm sure we can find a way!"

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#80: ?
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#81: Close Encounters of the Sci-fi Kind? [Spyr; ed:SalusaSecondus]

The Issue
A recent, well-publicized UFO sighting over rural areas of @@NAME@@ has turned people's attention to the skies, and what... or who... might be up there.

The Debate
1. "This event proves one thing: there are other life-forms out there," says eccentric astronomer @@RANDOMNAME@@, "All we have to do is find them! What is the price of a few hundred Radio Telescopes compared to the benefit of living in peace and harmony with our brethren of the stars?"

2. "Spies! It's gotta be spies! A few planes or satellites from our enemies or 'allies' in our region," rages General @@RANDOMNAME@@, head of @@NAME@@'s military, "The only way to keep those snoops out of our airspace is to patrol the streets 'n skies, and shoot 'em down! Even if they are some sort of little green aliens, a couple of SAM batteries and a few flak cannons'll keep 'em from abducting our @@ANIMAL@@s."

3. "Extraterrestrial lifeforms? Alien invaders? I don't know why we even have to listen to such idiocy!" complains prize-winning physicist @@RANDOMNAME@@, "The idea of 'aliens' on another planet is highly unlikely, and even if they did exist, getting from there to here is technically impossible! I say we forget this nonsense and stop spending our tax dollars on it. Leave this sort of foolishness to the people who attend those 'trekkie' conventions."

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#82: AI Researchers Rally for Android Rights [Eniqcir; ed:SalusaSecondus]

The Issue
Following recent advances in artificial intelligence, debate has arrisen in @@NAME@@ over whether AI's should have the right to citizenship.

The Debate
1. "Giving citizenship to computers and software programs is just downright crazy," says citizen @@RANDOMNAME@@. "Who knows if they're even really alive? Just because some of them may look human doesn't mean they're equal to us. It could all just be imitation."

2. "These beings have just as much of a right to citizenship as the rest of us," argues civil rights activist @@RANDOMNAME@@. "True, we may not be able to tell if they're really 'alive', per se, but how can we tell that they aren't? But the androids should be put at the top of the list. At least we know that they have the same viewpoint as us humans."

3. "This is craziness!" says @@RANDOMNAME@@, a resident interviewed by the popular news show "Talk o' the Town". "It's just blasphemy, plain and simple! We're, like, playin' God here! It's evil, man, evil! What if they turned against us? All forms of AI should be banned, dudes."

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#83: High-Speed Monorail Service Promises Connections [Baudrillard; ed:Reploid Productions]

The Issue
Vroom-A-Zoom-Zoom (VAZZ), a consortium of weird-looking hippies and yuppie rollercoaster aficionados, has developed plans for a high-speed mono-rail service for @@NAME@@ to help counter and relieve problems brought about by banning cars.

The Debate
1. "This is great," says @@RANDOMNAME@@, devout anti-spending advocate. "You know what'll happen? The government will invest huge sums of money in a service no one will use. I suggest nipping it in the bud.... and cutting back government spending across the board while you're at it."

2. "I disagree," says @@RANDOMNAME@@ of Vroom-A-Zoom-Zoom. "If people are worried about the costs, why not let the monorail service be a private company? That way, it will have to compete with other industries and make a profit. And don't forget that'll bring in more tax revenue. Of course, that would make fares too pricey for a lot of people, but the rich would probably use it a lot!"

3. "I really disagree," says @@RANDOMNAME@@, an unwashed denizen standing in the middle of Noh Weir, population 200, on the outskirts of @@NAME@@. "The state must run the monorail service, otherwise it's useless. What a monorail system should do is connect both large and small cities, and the only way to do that is for the government to run the rails, using the profits from the larger cities to subsidize the routes for smaller ones."

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#84: Compulsory Gun Ownership? [Tristram; ed:SalusaSecondus]

The Issue
This weekend, a citizen's group calling itself Gun Owners of @@NAME@@ has petitioned Congress with a controversial bill making gun ownership compulsory.

The Debate
1. "This is a very important step to securing the rights and lives of our families and controlling the government," urges noted gun ownership proponent @@RANDOMNAME@@. "Not only would it significantly decrease crime, but it would also effectively stop government tyranny in its tracks. Of course, this also means that every wacko and their cousin will have a gun, but don't worry, you'll have a gun to defend yourself from them, so it will all work out."

2. "While the Gun Owners of @@NAME@@ have the safety and security of our people in mind, it would simply be impractical to enforce," comments Police Chief @@RANDOMNAME@@. "A better option would be to legalize, and encourage use of, concealed carry laws, which would allow responsible citizens to keep firearms with them at all times, on their person, to kill any wacko or their cousin who they think is threatening them."

3. "Compulsory gun ownership?! Concealed carry?! Are these fools nuts?!" rants an enraged Million Mummy March activist. "We don't need any of these things! What we need is complete gun registration, so that the government can track down dangerous people, like those people who possess unregistered weapons."

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#85: Illegal File-sharing Flares [Frigben; ed:SalusaSecondus]

The Issue
A surprise raid conducted on ISPs over the last week in @@NAME@@ shows that more than 30% of all Internet data transfer in @@NAME@@ at one time or another is used by illegal file-shares to illegally distribute files, most notably songs.

The Debate
1. "What we need to do is hack their computers and format their hard drives," says @@RANDOMNAME@@, recording industry representative. "People need to be taught to not mess with the law. This is theft pure and simple. And they're not only halving our revenue to tune of billions of @@CURRENCY@@s, but you are also stealing a few hundredths of a @@CURRENCY@@ from the artist for every song they steal. THINK OF THE STARVING ARTISTS!"

2. "Yo, dude, like, don't be hatin' man," says teenager @@RANDOMNAME@@. "We're like, going to change the whole structure of our society. Everything should be like, publicly available to, like, everybody, dude. Copyrights are so, like, uncool man and we need to get rid of them. That'd be totally radical, and cool as well."

3. "Yo, dang, blizzity blang, yo, this ain't, right, yo," says @@RANDOMNAME@@, famous rapper with three platinum albums. "Dang, yo, we dang need to copy-protect my dang CDs, yo. That dang playability life dang decreases, yo, but it's the only way to stop this, dang, yo."

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#86: Save the ANIMAL Through Domestication [Oddballfullness; ed:SalusaSecondus]

The Issue
In desperation at the plight of the @@ANIMAL@@, which has virtually no natural habitat left in @@NAME@@, a somewhat unorthodox environmental group demands that the few surviving specimens be domesticated and sold in pet stores.

The Debate
1. "We must act now, before the @@ANIMAL@@ is lost forever," said spokesperson @@RANDOMNAME@@ during a recent interview. "Domestication has ensured the survival of many endangered species in the past, and there really is no alternative left at this point. Besides, I'm sure many families would be thrilled to welcome a @@ANIMAL@@ into their homes."

2. "Sure, @@ANIMAL@@s might look cute and harmless to you," says retired hunting legend @@RANDOMNAME@@, "but back in my day, they were the scourge on the nation. They carry a number of dangerous diseases, and you do NOT want to be bitten by one. My cousin was once bitten by a @@ANIMAL@@. So now you want my grandchildren exposed to these things? The sooner they disappear completely, the better!"

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#87: Burn! Burn Everything! [PRC China; ed:Reploid Productions]

The Issue
A recent anti-government rally by highly disgruntled teens has brought a previously minor issue to the fore- should people be permitted to burn @@NAME@@'s flag, or should it be a crime?

The Debate
1. "We should be able to burn the flag as a sign of protest. I say ignore those crazy red blooded fanatics who won't let us! After all it's because we are a tolerant nation that we should allow it!" says @@RANDOMNAME@@, civil rights activist, while trying to wave a burning flag without lighting anybody nearby on fire.

2. "Burning should be allowed for everything! Down with the pig cops and their repressive regime!" says known well known anarchist and arsonist @@RANDOMNAME@@, from the comfy and non-flamable confines of a prison cell. "Burn! Burn burn burn! Everything! Kyahahaha!"

3. "These barbarians are suggesting burning the flag of our glorious nation as if it were a piece of scrap cloth! First it's burning the flag, and before you know it, it's rebellion and anarchy!" @@RANDOMNAME@@ scowls, "Flag burning should be punishable by jail terms and a good flogging."

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#88: Cannibals Demand to Taste What @@NAME@@ Has to Offer [Sovereign discord; ed:Reploid Productions]

The Issue
A coalition of tribalists, health experts, and civil rights proponents have recently suggested legalizing cannibalism for consumers of willing would-be meals.

The Debate
1. "I see absolutely no problem with people digging into each other at dinnertime, so long as everyone is willing," @@RANDOMNAME@@, the editor of the monthly magazine 'To Serve Man', quips, "Not only does it solve hunger problems and create jobs, but it also adds variety to @@NAME@@'s sometimes dull palette."

2. Civil rights leader @@RANDOMNAME@@ came out publicly for moderate pro-cannibalism legislation, commenting, "While it may strike some as a crude, even evil practice, our ancestors have practiced cannibalism for years. If we create a government organization to strictly regulate and grade all human meat prior to its arrival on the market, we can ensure that respect for diversity is maintained while health concerns are also allayed. And instead of killing average people, why not make being turned into snack foods a post-mortem option? Like donating your body to science!"

3. "You're all absolutely out of your minds!" exclaims @@RANDOMNAME@@, head of @@NAME@@'s largest health-food manufacturer. "It's immoral, it's unhealthy, and it's disgusting. Not only are these so-called 'dietary rights' activists leading us down a dark path of sin, but right into a marketplace with yet another product that's almost as bad as beef!"

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#89: "Don't Dam Our Rivers, Damnit!" Say Protesters [Frigben; ed:Reploid Productions]

The Issue
A group of Greenpeace protesters have called for an end to a government proposal to begin damming rivers in @@NAME@@ to increase water supplies and generate power.

The Debate
1. "Don't build dams!" shouts protestor @@RANDOMNAME@@ through a microphone heavily afflicted with feedback. "Do you know how many fish die in other dams in our region each year? Have you heard of the adverse effects building a dam has on the surrounding environment? Dam up this flood of dams, damn it!"

2. "Think before you open your mouth," says engineer @@RANDOMNAME@@. "While @@NAME@@ may have to pay the price in animal diversity, as well as adverse effects on the environment, do we really want fossil-fuel based plants polluting @@NAME@@? If you use your common sense, I think you'll find that damming some rivers would be a good idea. Plus, think of how much the economy would benefit from all the jobs these projects would create."

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#90: Organic Outburst [Dark_Zephyr; ed:Reploid Productions]

The Issue
After a recent left-wing broadsheet expose of agricultural practices, an outburst of public paranoia has stirred up the organic foods debate.

The Debate
1. "I just can’t stomach it any more," rants concerned parent @@RANDOMNAME@@. "My children’s future is being put at risk by irresponsible corporate practices. We must outlaw the use of pesticides and additives by farmers and food producers."

2. "I’ve heard enough of this treehugging, lefty nonsense," argues corporate spokesman @@RANDOMNAME@@. "The agricultural industry needs to use the most advanced technology available, it’s the only way to keep @@NAME@@ competitive in food production. Besides, the studies we have commissioned prove that only 1 in 20 child deaths are due to our products, and surely that’s an acceptable rate in the name of progress?."

3. "Stop torturing Mother Earth!" yells outraged environmental extremist @@RANDOMNAME@@ "Are we prepared to sacrifice our planet and our souls for the sake a few extra @@CURRENCY@@s? If we hope to live in harmony with the environment that nurtures and protects us, we must ban all industries that pollute our world. Let us return to the trees, my brothers!"

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#91: Sacramental Tax Time? [Rational Self Interest; ed:Reploid Productions]

The Issue
Secularists have been urging for the government to impose an income tax on religious organizations in @@NAME@@ for some time now, and the issue has finally made it's way to the upper levels of the government.

The Debate
1. Self-appointed civil rights spokesman @@RANDOMNAME@@ declares, "Churches are business organizations with a large income. It's unfair that they don't have to pay the same taxes that everyone else does. If they really do spend on any money on charity, let them write it off as a deduction just like corporations do. There's no reason that so-called clergy should be chauffeured around in limos tax-free, when we desperately need funds for public works."

2. "Freedom of conscience is foremost among liberties", says Reverend @@RANDOMNAME@@. "Churches have been exempted from taxation because it is wrong for the government to infringe on the right of people to worship as they please, and that includes charging them for the right to worship. Besides, churches are non-profit organizations that put all their funds back into the community."

3. The Honorable @@RANDOMNAME@@, Minister of Minding Other People's Business, has an idea: "This religion thing is such a great racket, why don't we make it a government monopoly? We'll ban all religions except the Church of @@NAME@@, and make attendance and donations compulsory. I'll start writing the Holy Scriptures right away!"

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#92: @@NAME@@ Officials Needled about Mandatory Vaccinations [Gdrabble; ed:Reploid Productions]

The Issue
Health workers are frequently being ignored by people when recommending vaccinations against common illnesses. When these people subsequently become ill they require expensive emergency care. To correct this situation, many health experts are lobbying for mandatory vaccinations.

The Debate
1. @@RANDOMNAME@@, a pro-vaccination taxpayer, says "If a doctor thinks a vaccination is good for you then you should have it. All these people turning them down are know-it-alls that are wasting my tax money. Or they're really afraid of needles."

2. @@RANDOMNAME@@, who recently refused a vaccination, says that vaccines must remain completely optional. "Anything else is a breach of human rights. Doctors are not always right" she says. "And this has nothing to do with my being terrified of needles!"

3. @@RANDOMNAME@@, @@NAME@@'s leading expert on health spending, suggests a third way. "Leave vaccines optional but make free health care conditional on having them. That way people get to choose, and it will help ease the load on our national healthcare budget."

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#93: Affirmative Action in @@NAME@@? [The Orange Freestate; ed:Reploid Productions]

The Issue
After a recent high-profile case of a minority student being refused admission to a traditional, prestigous college, civil rights activists, conservatives, and teachers are up in arms about affirmative action and ethnic equality in education.

The Debate
1. "This is just another attempt to discriminate against people of color," declares civil-rights activist, former TV commentator and unabashed publicity speaker @@RANDOMNAME@@. "If people are disadvantaged in their upbringing they they should be given an 'equal' chance to succeed in college."

2. "The affirmative action programs aren't necessary at all." Rejoins conservative speaker and hair care product salesman @@RANDOMNAME@@. "If you really want to treat everyone equally, as you claim, how can you support special treatment for a few so-called minority groups? Besides, it would cost even more money to enforce."

3. "I think you are both looney," says @@RANDOMNAME@@, professor of liberal arts at @@NAME@@ National University. "All education should be open to everyone regardless of their grades in high school, economic status or academic prowess. Free college education should be available to every citizen of @@NAME@@, no matter what the cost!"

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#94: Computer Users Fed Up With Heaps of Spam! [Bored yawning; ed:Reploid Productions]

The Issue
A survey citing a tremendous increase in unsolicited emails has added fire to the subject of what many view as a scourge of the Internet.

The Debate
1. "The spam problem is out of control," states anti-spam advocate @@RANDOMNAME@@. "I get at least fifty spam e-mails a day. That isn't even counting the spam people are posting to my newsgroup and to my messageboard. This junk is a waste of time in that I have to delete it and a waste of my money in that I have to buy anti-spam programs-which hardly work anyway. People get swindled by this stuff- it should be a crime just like regular fraud."

2. "A ban on all spam is a restriction on our freedom of speech and on freedom of the press!" screams @@RANDOMNAME@@ president of Citizens for Internet Freedom. "What is the government to say what is and isn't commercial spam? Could they haul charity representatives off to jail for seeking donations? Could they jail politicians for using e-mail to try and gain votes? Could they arrest me if I accidentally send my erotic novel-in-progress to the wrong address? Seriously, spamming is a subjective offense and as such should not be considered a crime."

3. "Both sides are wrong," grumbles government paper-pusher @@RANDOMNAME@@. "Spam is definitely a problem, yet so is the restriction on freedoms which some draconian anti-spam codes would impose. I propose a ban on overtly fraudulent spam, and a tax on more legitimate businesses that rely on spam as an advertising method, and a strict legal definition of spam that would ensure no innocent person was prosecuted or taxed."

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#95: Painful Prices Paid at the Pump [Aljerfribish; ed:Reploid Productions]

The Issue
Commuters are complaining about the ongoing rise in gas prices, causing a massive debate in the government about what should be done.

The Debate
1. "Who cares about a few trees, gas prices are six @@CURRENCY@@s per gallon, and rising! There is lots of oil to be found in areas currently protected as parks! Solving our energy needs are more important than conserving the environment," says oil executive @@RANDOMNAME@@. "Just give us permission to go in there and start drilling, and gas prices will plummet!"

2. "There are other ways to recover from the fossil fuel crisis besides ruining forests," says environmental activist @@RANDOMNAME@@. "We shouldn't just take the short way out and drill here. I suggest spending more money on public transportation systems and encouraging people to carpool- if people weren't so reliant on fossil fuel powered cars, we wouldn't be in this situation in the first place, and if we start using less oil, the price will drop with the demand."

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#96: Water Supply Problems Becoming a Major Drain [Calvin n Hobbes; ed:Reploid Productions]

The Issue
Due to the explosive population growth in @@NAME@@, coupled with recent droughts, people are beginning to worry about the nation's decreasing water supply, and who should get first dibs on the vital H20.

The Debate
1. "We need this water to raise our crops," says incensed farmer @@RANDOMNAME@@. "If it wasn't for us farmers, the rest of @@NAME@@ would be starving. How about laying the blame where it belongs, and look to those cookie cutter suburban houses with their green lawns and pristinely washed mini-vans!"

2. "It is my right to have the most beautiful lawn in the neighborhood," says neighborhood spokesman @@RANDOMNAME@@. "Our community spends a lot of effort cultivating a nice environment for our kids to grow up in. Why, if they didn't have these nice lawns to play in, they would be hanging out on street corners peddling drugs, or worse! Won't someone please think of the children?"

3. "Here is a novel idea," proclaims @@RANDOMNAME@@, spokesperson for radical environmental group Leave Nature Alone. "How about getting rid of all these dams and irrigation projects that are getting in the way of Mother Nature's plans for the water. It is time to allow the rivers to take their natural courses and leave the environment alone. I'm sure things will work out fine if we let Nature take its course."

4. "Obviously, who gets how much water is only a part of the problem." Notes famed population-control advocate @@RANDOMNAME@@. "We must try to curtail the rapid growth of our population, whether by limiting the amount of children people may have, or by deporting immigrants and criminals... we must get a handle on our population before we can hope to correct this water supply problem."

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#97: Landfills Filling Up [Edolia; ed:Sirocco]

The Issue
After claims of two-headed @@ANIMAL@@s being seen near the numerous landfills of @@NAME@@, there have been calls for the government to act.

The Debate
1. "Look at that thing!" wails famous environmentalist @@RANDOMNAME@@, pointing at one of @@NAME@@'s largest dumps. "It's an eyesore, a pollutant, and a damn disgrace! What we need to do is get everyone recycling their waste! What we have left we can shoot into space in specially-made space shuttles and we'll never have to think about it again! Sure it'll be expensive, but considering the benefits to the great outdoors, I think we should consider it."

2. "Ah, the expense!" moans @@RANDOMNAME@@, government economist. "Do you have any idea what that would cost?! A much better way of dealing with this waste is to burn it and use the energy it produces to power @@NAME@@'s big cities. There may be a few side-effects on the environment, but with all the cheap power coming in who would care?"

3. "Oh come now," says @@RANDOMNAME@@, a nearby suburbanite. "There's no need to bring all the pollution into the cities! These dumps can get a whole lot bigger you know. Just keep piling the rubbish on and we can use them as tourist attractions or something. People will flock to see how high they can climb our artificial mountains! If we run out of space, just knock down a few forests. No one will notice."

4. "You're all missing the real solution," argues @@RANDOMNAME@@, president of the '@@NAME@@ First!' society. "Why should we bother building landfills at all? I'm sure that there are plenty of less-fortunate countries out there who would be more than happy to take our litter in return for some cash."

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#98: Police Want More Than Shiny Badge [Hata-alla; ed:Sirocco]

The Issue
After a policeman was forced to apprehend a criminal with nothing more than his groceries, there has been an outcry for better equipment.

The Debate
1. "It's outrageous," says Chief Constable @@RANDOMNAME@@. "This horrible situation could have been sorted out a lot faster if we had had the right equipment! Even the poorest criminals can buy better arms than us! We need more funds - if we have to take a bit of cash off the education and healthcare budgets to pay for it all then so be it!"

2. "I agree with my friend here," says zealous lance-corporal @@RANDOMNAME@@. "But lets go further. Let's create a new anti-crime group with special training and expensive - er - extensive new equipment! That would make the criminals think twice before breaking the law! Especially if our new forces can shoot miscreants at first sight with out messing around with time-consuming trials."

3. "Hey, hey!" cries anti-gun protester, @@RANDOMNAME@@. "You can't be serious! Weapons kill! Everyone knows that if there were no weapons there'd be no criminals; and if there are no criminals, we won't need to waste valuable government funds on the police! In fact, I say we should go as far as doing away with them altogether! I don't see them doing anything useful anyway, except try to stop our demonstrations! Ban guns! Ban the police! Live for a better tomorrow!"

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#99: We Need Cash, Sharpish, Say Librarians. [Os Cosia; ed:Sirocco]

The Issue
Ailing libraries have appealed to the government for a much-needed injection of funds.

The Debate
1. "Our libraries are in a dreadful state," says distressed librarian, @@RANDOMNAME@@. "This year we had to cancel our subscription to "Playboy" and over half of our shelves are stacked with pamphlets from the Pizzeria across the road. We need more books and better standards. If there were more perks in this job then maybe we'd get some decent employees! If it needs a whole lot of government funds to pay for it all then so be it!"

2. "Now hold it right there!" says manager of the local MEGA-BOOKS store, @@RANDOMNAME@@. "I employ twenty-four people and we are dependent upon people paying us money to buy books, magazines and newspapers from my store. How can you even think about given our tax @@CURRENCY@@s to these people so they can put us out of business? 'Course poor people won't be able to afford our wares but they'd only use them for fires or somethin'. Let our libraries die."

3. "I'm all for giving our libraries more money," says Education Minister, @@RANDOMNAME@@. "But we certainly shouldn't just let them spend it however they please. We need an elected board to oversee all purchases and acquisitions made by our library system, promoting educational literature and keeping out smut. That way we can keep nudity out of the hands of children. We can make sure none of those political satires and newspapers that insult our government affect the weak-minded amongst us too. Then our libraries will be something to be proud of."

4. "Great Scot! I've got it!" exclaims @@RANDOMNAME@@, your science advisor. "Why do we need these brick and mortar buildings anyway? Let's just scan all these books, newspapers and magazines onto the internet and then we can fire all those expensive librarians with their pensions and healthcare benefits. Think of the money we'd save if we didn't have to print everything! Sure it'll be tough on the librarians and those with no computers but hey, this is the future and they are the past."

#100: Road Rage Rampage [Satanspermspawn; ed:Reploid Productions]

The Issue
Due to the ever-increasing traffic on @@NAME@@'s highways, commuter tempers are flaring, leading to an increase in road rage related accidents. A recent case in which a very impatient driver attacked and seriously injured a slow driver has brought the subject rapidly to the highest levels of the government.

The Debate
1. "The problem is that our highway system is sorely in need of an overhaul. @@NAME@@'s highways were constructed with a far smaller number of cars in mind- we've exceeded that traffic load by a substantial amount, resulting in traffic jams. Traffic jams lead to impatience, impatience leads to anger, anger leads to road rage, and road rage leads to violence." Claims social commentator @@RANDOMNAME@@. "We need to expand the freeway system by adding more lanes to relieve the traffic congestion."

2. "You add new lanes, even MORE people will drive, putting us right back at square one!" Counters @@RANDOMNAME@@ of @@NAME@@'s public transportation committee. "Instead of throwing tons of money at a short-term solution, why not spend it on improving bus and rail service and encouraging carpooling? Oh, and get more highway patrol officers to crack down on these violent drivers who pose safety threats to the rest of us."

3. "*BLEEP!* that *BLEEP!*" @@RANDOMNAME@@ yells at the top of her lungs from the window of her very large pickup truck with a gun rack mounted in the rear window. "The government should just *BLEEP!*ing stay out of our daily *BLEEP!*ing drive! They ought to let us *BLEEP!*ing rushed businesspeople go about our daily *BLEEP!*ing business, no matter what *BLEEP!*ing measures we have to take to get to *BLEEP!*ing work on time!

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#101: Tiara Sign of Oppression, Declare Feminists [The Prelapsarian State; ed:Sirocco]

The Issue
@@NAME@@'s upcoming hosting of a major international beauty pageant has upset some citizens concerned about the message it puts across.

The Debate
1. "These beauty pageants are a disgrace to women everywhere!" shouts feminist campaigner, @@RANDOMNAME@@. "They objectify the female body and re-enforce negative stereotyping! They celebrate the appearance instead of the personality! What message is this sending out to our children? Do we want them to think shallowness and vanity are virtues? Ban beauty contests! We must focus the education of our progeny on ethics and equality or suffer the consequences!"

2. "I agree that the pageants should be banned," pontificates renowned moralist, the Ever So Slightly Reverend @@RANDOMNAME@@. "But purely in the name of moral decency! All those fashion stores that sponsor these contests make lots of money from this blasphemy and that is just plain wrong! These women wear revealing clothing that seek to entice and seduce young men. As such, we should go a step further, and institute a dress code! Long, plaid skirts for the girls, with necklines that never drop below the base of the neck! Only then will the women of our nation be cleansed of sin!"

3. "What in the name of all that's decent and good are you talking about?" exclaims @@RANDOMNAME@@, leader of the egalitarian civil rights movement 'Everyone Is Equal, Dammit'. "Obviously these pageants will always be sexist unless they're open to everyone. Admiring women only for their beauty is an insult to their intelligence and the beauty of men! It's dually sexist! Open up the pageant to both sexes!"

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#102: For Whom The Road Tolls [Ta kala; ed:Sirocco]

The Issue
A group of transport analysts have suggested that a charge of five @@CURRENCY@@s a day for vehicle access to @@NAME@@'s most congested inner-cities during peak hours is the only way to solve their ever-growing traffic problem.

The Debate
1. "Similar schemes have been very effective elsewhere," says @@RANDOMNAME@@, @@NAME@@'s most infamous traffic warden. "It's common sense that the best way to curb dangerously high demand is to raise the price of the supply - or, as in this case, to create a price. Charging citizens to go into more congested areas could, combined with the improvements to public transport it will finance, actually make people choose public transport over their cars. I don't see why people shouldn't pay tax for a little less traffic on our roads."

2. "These tolls are a preposterous idea," argues road lobbyist, @@RANDOMNAME@@. "Public transport will never replace the car - I don't want to be forced to share my space with a bunch of malodorous working-class people on my way to work. Not that I would be, because I could afford the charge, but really, it's the principle of the matter! The only solution is to expand urban road networks. True, some pavements and green spots would have to go, but those pedestrians should be able to put up with that if they're to expect @@NAME@@ to be part of the modern world."

3. "Allowing cars to scoot around and pollute our cities was a bad idea in the first place," says @@RANDOMNAME@@, a famous environmentalist. "The solution is to restrict private transport to main roads and motorways whilst funding a major urban public transport scheme. Our buses and undergrounds could be the envy of the world! Yes, the car companies will suffer a little, and yes, there'll be a bit more tax, but wouldn't it be worth it for a bit of fresh air and safe streets for the children?"

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#103: Plague Of The Hybrids! [Serenthis; ed:Sirocco]

The Issue
Angry farmers have taken to the streets demanding the government to act after reported sightings of strange @@ANIMAL@@-like dogs eating all the crops in fields.

The Debate
1. "This unholy union should never have taken place to begin with," comments @@RANDOMNAME@@, an angry farmer. "The @@ANIMAL@@ was never meant to mate with a dog! They eat my crops, they attack my livestock and they're breeding so quickly they're swamping the environment! We can't make a living like this! You've got to give us the funds and manpower to shoot anything that comes within a mile of our property and put an end to these freaks of nature! We must wipe these creatures out now or before you know it all we'll be eating is fish."

2. "We can't just destroy these creatures!" exclaimed @@RANDOMNAME@@, owner of @@NAME@@'s biggest safari park. "They may look ugly to you, but I think they're just beautiful. We need to study them and understand them; think of what we could learn! These wonderful beasts may be a little harmful to the environment, but think of the people who will flock to see them! It would be an educational experience! Think of the money!"

3. "We could always just kill off all the dogs," @@RANDOMNAME@@ of the "Keep The Species Pure" foundation whispers to you in a conversation. "The @@ANIMAL@@ is one of the many things our country is famous for; any perversion of its image reflects upon us all! We can't have their image spoilt by these ugly abominations! Just get the police to go around and kill them all and we can rest easy knowing our countryside is safe!

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#104: Public Loudspeakers Shrill With Controversy [Alpha Centauri; ed:Sirocco]

The Issue
A recent poll on putting up huge loudspeakers in @@NAME@@'s cities for public government broadcasts has been brought to your attention.

The Debate
1. "This idea is brilliant, and @@NAME@@ can't afford to pass it up," claims @@RANDOMNAME@@, your Minister of Safety. "These loudspeakers can assure the public that the government is always here to help them. The potential here, to immediately warn citizens of an emergency such as an earthquake or a stampede of @@ANIMAL@@s or something, simply must be taken into account! This could save lives! And I suppose, when there isn't anything the citizens need to be told, you could always use them to broadcast patriotic messages like '@@SLOGAN@@' and inform the good people which party to join and vote for with newsbriefs and such. It'll be worth it to strengthen the populace's devotion to our glorious nation!"

2. "I think people need to realise what this really is: brainwashing!" retorts @@RANDOMNAME@@, a wealthy marketer. "I don't want to hear all this flag-waving hogwash everytime I go out for a walk. But when it comes to emergencies, I do agree that something should be done to warn everyone: we should send out messages on mandatory minature radios that you can carry in your pocket. It could tell you things you need to know too, like what shoes to buy and such."

3. "To be honest, I can't see why we should put up with advertising at all," says @@RANDOMNAME@@, an anti-business protester. "All it is is some multi-billionaire or politician somewhere trying to make even more money while the rest of us struggle to make ends meet. I say we ban it. Maybe the economy will suffer a little and some people may lose jobs but that's just a minor side-effect really, especially when you consider that no longer will our children be encouraged to fill themselves with junk-food because some guy on the telly tells them it's cool!"

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#105: Compensation Culture Must End, Say Corporations [Zhudor; ed:Sirocco]

The Issue
After a recent spate of high-profile lawsuits against corporations concerning the safety of their products, corporations have appealed to the government to change the laws of compensation.

The Debate
1. "It's crazy!" cries @@RANDOMNAME@@, CEO of Sharp 'n' Pointy Things Incorporated. "These people should simply not be allowed to put the blame on us if they mindlessly abuse our products! I'd have thought it would be common sense not to stick hand your in a blender to 'see if it was working properly'. We need to outlaw these ridiculous lawsuits so I can get on with my business and those working in the law profession can get on with theirs."

2. "I'm almost inclined to agree," muses @@RANDOMNAME@@, a nearby firefighter. "People really should know better than to dry their cats in the microwave oven. But it's also that microwave oven that should not start a fire if one leaves it running overnight. Let's just put higher national safety standards in place that all products must be certified to meet. The extra expense shouldn't worry people if it's the difference between life and death after all."

3. "There's nothing wrong with victims getting a little money for the damage they've suffered," claims @@RANDOMNAME@@, @@NAME@@'s most notorious lawyer. "In fact we should be increasing court capacities so everyone with a complaint to file won't have to wait long before they can get before a judge. Sure it'll be expensive to implement, but maybe then the manufacturers will think twice before selling their unsafe junk without explaining things clearly in the manuals!"

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#106: Give The Red Light District The Green Light? [Lmaortfmolia; ed:Sirocco]

The Issue
After a recent survey discovered that nearly 40% of all citizens in @@NAME@@ are single, there has been an increasingly loud call for the legalisation of prostitution.

The Debate
1. "I just can't get a girl no matter what I do," laments acne-afflicted nerd, @@RANDOMNAME@@. "If the cops would just look the other way about prostitution, it'd make my life much easier. Yeah, I'd be risking all sorts of diseases, but it's my body isn't it?"

2. "We can't allow this to happen!" protests Dr. @@RANDOMNAME@@, senior pathologist of @@NAME@@'s largest hospital. "Prostitution is a dangerous business and must remain illegal! People need to be more aware of the consequences that could follow like the risk of contracting HIV, chlamydia, or even AIDS. I say we get some funding for a large awareness programme on sexually transmitted diseases and maybe then people will act responsibly between the covers. It'll be expensive sure, but well worth it."

3. "Not so fast now!" interjects daring entrepreneur, @@RANDOMNAME@@. "Why don't we just have the prostitution industry run by the government? By letting the government regulate prostitution, TheSource can force any patrons to undergo tests for diseases, make prostitutes have regular medical check-ups and pay a portion of their profits to the government. Of course we'd still have to put more policemen on the streets to keep illegal brothels from popping up and make sure the hospitals are equipped to handle the extra workload, but you can always raise taxes to account for that."

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#107: Private Lab Holds @@NAME@@'s Sick To Ransom [Silverbrook; ed:Sirocco]

The Issue
Scientists at a private medical research laboratory have announced that they have produced a drug which will combat @@NAME@@'s most notorious malady - Spon Plague.

The Debate
1. "This pill is the only known and unknown cure for the Spon Plague!" proclaims Professor @@RANDOMNAME@@, the inventor of the cure. "But if we are to go ahead with the production of this drug, we must get some government support. We're set to make a fortune from this drug - the money we earn will help us develop even more cures for other as-yet untreatable diseases. Some people won't be able to afford it of course, but hard cheese on them: they should have got a paying job while they were still capable."

2. "That's a disgraceful way to think!" says equal rights activist, @@RANDOMNAME@@. "So the people who need the most help shouldn't get any? I propose that the government subsidises the production of all drugs so everyone can benefit from them, rich or not! That way the money-hungry corporations won't profit from the suffering of the masses. Of course there will be the matter of a small tax rise to fund it - but what's that when lives will be saved?"

3. "I can't believe what I'm hearing," deplores well-respected religious leader, @@RANDOMNAME@@. "If God didn't want people to have this disease he wouldn't have created it in the first place. This is completely against the will of God and if the government allows this drug to go on sale we will all be doomed to an afterlife in a dark and fiery place! Now let's end this madness and abolish the production of pharmaceuticals and drugs altogether!"

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#108: Gambling Interests Offer High Stakes [New Sweden X; ed:Reploid Productions]

The Issue
In light of @@NAME@@'s ban on gambling, people ranging from angry homemakers to allegedly legitimate businessmen have been argueing incessantly about whether or not banning casinos was a good idea.

The Debate
1. "We are highly distressed at your decision to revoke our casino licences," says FamilyCorp. Representative "Fat Tony" @@RANDOMNAME@@, while sipping a glass of fine wine. "If the ban were to be revoked, think of all the money you could get from your cut of the profit. In addition, it would help ensure the safety of assorted members of @@NAME@@'s government. I think this is an offer that you should not refuse."

2. "These casinos cannot be allowed to reopen!" says mother and homemaker @@RANDOMNAME@@. "Remember what happened last time? People get out of control and lose their life's savings! Just say no to these so-called legitimate businesses! And crack down on the rest of organized crime while you're at it."

3. "There is a solution to this problem" says Native @@NAME@@ite chief Dances-with-@@ANIMAL@@s. "You could let us front the casinos as payback for stealing our land, and we'll enforce age limits and pay some tax on the income these casinos generate. Just think of the jobs it could create for us, and the boost to the economy!"

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#109: Karate Kids Cause Controversy [Yarrum; ed:Sirocco]

The Issue
Free, youth-orientated martial arts programmes have gained popularity in communities where youth crime is a problem.

The Debate
1. "What better way to keep kids off of the streets?" asks @@RANDOMNAME@@, a professional judo instructor. "It's fun, good exercise and gives an invaluable insight into our nation's culture! It gives these youngsters something positive to channel their energy into; energy that might have otherwise been used to rob banks or mug people in alleyways. But self-defence programmes like mine will need government funding to really make a difference - surely the public wouldn't mind paying a little more tax to put an end to the gangs of yobs prowling the streets?"

2. "It's a good idea, but it's not taking it far enough!" declares General @@RANDOMNAME@@ of @@NAME@@'s army. "If we could conscript these kids into the army, we'd be able to put their skills to good use! No one would mess with @@NAME@@ if we had a butt-kickin' karate unit on the battlefield! It may be a little expensive but we can just take money out of the education budget since these kids will be under our tuition. Their families may not be happy about it, but remember this: these young lads will be getting to do something which is the envy of every hot-blooded citizen - fight for their country against blood-sucking foreigners!"

3. "This is ridiculous!" comments police officer, @@RANDOMNAME@@. "Teach junior thugs how to fight? Good idea, why don't we teach them how to make bombs out of duct-tape and cheese next? I say we ban this archaic mode of combat which only serves to encourage these punks in their violent ways, and introduce more government funding for the police force! With more cash we could really show the little blighters what discipline's all about."

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#110: Too Low On Laws, Say Citizens [Kandarin; ed:Sirocco]

The Issue
Various opinions have been brought to your attention over what your closest advisors are referring to as the 'anarchy situation'.

The Debate
1. "We've got to do something about this chaos!" yells General @@RANDOMNAME@@, firing a rifle at a band of armed looters. "There's no order in this country! No one is safe! We must rebuild the army and crack down on the militant groups ravaging our fair land! It's the only way we will ever return the cesspit of crime and depravity @@NAME@@ has become to a land of law and order!"

2. Returning fire, both figuratively and literally, is @@RANDOMNAME@@, biker gang leader and anarchist: "That there's anyone claiming to be a government is ludicrous. People should be allowed to determine their own fate and survival without fear of breaking these inhibiting laws! All government officials should be removed at once if this country is ever to become well and truly 'equal'!"

3. "I've got a different idea," says @@RANDOMNAME@@, your minister of commerce, speaking from his hiding place under a desk. "Television viewers in more developed countries actually like seeing gratuitous violence. We could put up cameras in some of the more dangerous streets and sell the broadcasting rights to foreign networks. It could raise awareness of our situation, or at the very least rake in some @@CURRENCY@@s. The money could be used to fund a more organised police system to enforce the law."

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#111: Southern @@NAME@@ Demands Semi-Autonomy [Ceroo; ed:Sirocco]

The Issue
Politicians from a distant and obscure part of @@NAME@@ have been calling for the government to split @@NAME@@ into various semi-autonomous regions, each with an elected council to govern their designated area.

The Debate
1. "The government is too centralised," complains rural villager, @@RANDOMNAME@@. "We get these big-city politicians making rulings that effect our way of life, when they have absolutely no idea what our way of life is! One of them even suggested that farmers should be banned from picking crops in case they disturbed the local wildlife! What we need are various councils to govern their own part of @@NAME@@, giving us the chance to have our say on laws affecting our area. It'll bring politics to the people! Of course this will require the implementation of a council tax to fund it all, but if that's the cost of more political freedom, then so be it!"

2. "Councils? Are you mad?" gasps political commentator, @@RANDOMNAME@@. "Most of the politicians we already have earn very large sums each year - and you want to employ even more?! We must not listen to the whims of some dangerous separatist movement, next they'll be wanting independence! I suggest we keep the government in one place where we can keep an eye on it and stop creating more jobs for over-paid politicians. Heck, why not trim off the ones we don't need while we're at it and give some leeway to the tax payers? Anyway, if we allowed places like West @@NAME@@ to make decisions for themselves, they would soon be introducing laws allowing them to marry their cousins or something - you know what they're like..."

3. "These people are obviously power-hungry lunatics," whispers @@RANDOMNAME@@, one of your innumerable advisors. "They're simply trying to loosen your grip on the nation! Let's just send anyone who opposes your absolute rule to the gallows and ban elections. We hardly need them when you always know what to do! There may be some protest, but we can just lower taxes and they'll be as happy as clams."

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#112: Put The Phone Down On Cold Calling? [Frigben; ed:Sirocco]

The Issue
A growing group of @@NAME@@'s citizens are battling for an end to unrequested solicitations from salesmen.

The Debate
1. "This has to stop," says mild-mannered parent @@RANDOMNAME@@. "My family can't even have dinner without being interrupted at least five times by telemarketers or door-to-door salesmen! My privacy is being invaded! The government ought to ban all forms of unrequested solicitations from salespeople. The sanity of the populace is at stake here!"

2. "This must be a joke," retorts insurance sales solicitor @@RANDOMNAME@@, in between cold calls. "Telemarketing and door-to-door sales are some of the most effective methods of increasing revenues. Banning them would be a huge blow to business, and put thousands of workers out of their jobs! Let's face the facts - @@NAME@@ needs an economy, and banning cold calls isn't the best of ways to improve it. One way you could improve it would be to, say, give us some government funds. For the sake of @@NAME@@, of course."

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#113: Test Results Deemed 'Ungood' After Global Survey [Der Angst; ed:Sirocco]

The Issue
In a worldwide survey, it has been revealed that @@NAME@@'s population has been graded 'dim' by international comparison.

The Debate
1. "These results are terrible!" wails @@RANDOMNAME@@, a concerned teacher. "Something has to be done, and done quickly, if anyone's going to take today's youth seriously. It's high time we started to promote our gifted children; it is they who are the ones that bring us forward! The rest of today's youth shouldn't worry though, a basic education should be enough for a factory worker."

2. "This is indeed a problem, and I believe it's a result of the social inequality in @@NAME@@," comments @@RANDOMNAME@@, a well-known social reformer. "It is obvious that students from different social classes will score differently in the tests. We can't condemn all these kids to a life of inferiority because of a gifted minority. Instead we should make sure that everyone can follow the lessons! Lower the teaching level, so that even the less intellectually-orientated can keep up with the class. The nerds can always teach themselves; it would be unfair to provide them with extra funds after all."

3. "This is stupid, it would ruin our nation's population of skilled workers!" says @@RANDOMNAME@@, a college professor. "There's never enough able-minded citizens for the more specialised careers. We must force our less-intelligent to learn! Get their noses right against the grindstone! Let's raise the bar a bit so even our best students have to sweat whilst learning! The others will of course be forced to learn even more to keep in touch, but that just shows them how real life works. To fund it, well, our defence budget is already too large, if you ask me."

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#114: Wipe Out Graffiti? [Gelvanie; ed:Sirocco]

The Issue
Citizens all over @@NAME@@ have been petitioning for firmer action on public graffiti.

The Debate
1. "It's a disgrace!" declares @@RANDOMNAME@@, middle class and proud of it. "I can't even go downtown without seeing these hideous eyesores debasing the streets! We need to arrest the scumbags at the root of this, lock them up, and teach them a jolly good lesson! More policemen on the beat should do the ticket, even if it does require a slight augmentation in taxes!"

2. "I don't see what's so bad," comments @@RANDOMNAME@@, a famous art critic. "This is urban art at it's finest. It's vibrant, colourful, and simply reeks of culture! Just look at the form displayed in this string of racist expletives! Wonderful. Simply wonderful. I think we should really be encouraging these budding Rembrandts, not putting them down! I say we legalise it, in the name of culture!"

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#115: @@NAME@@'s Schoolchildren Not Learning The Lingua Franca [Travis dominicus; ed:Sirocco]

The Issue
After a recent national survey revealed that almost three-quarters of the population only know the primary language of @@NAME@@, there have been rising calls for the government to take action.

The Debate
1. "Fluency in foreign languages is imperative to education," says Professor @@RANDOMNAME@@ of @@NAME@@ University. "Learning a new tongue not only gives a child a practical, marketable skill, but also encourages compassion and understanding of foreign cultures. With so many nations in the world, I do insist that we increase government funding in these areas and make it a compulsory part of the curriculum. As we say in Ancient Maxtopian: Froggug sederty bungo-bungo!"

2. "To be frank, the need for outsiders' speak doesn't appeal to me in the slightest!" claims @@RANDOMNAME@@, a fierce patriot. "Making our children learn these languages is an affront to the basic civil rights of @@NAME@@! What's more, this will encourage those damn foreigners to come here and take our jobs! I for one, will not stand for it! We can drop that area of education; it'll give us tax payers a bit of a breather for once. I've always said that we don't need any others but our own!"

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#116: Soda Sales Hits New "High" [Foe Hammer; ed:Sirocco]

The Issue
After waning sales, the well-established soda company 'Eckie-Ecola' has appealed to the government for the right to use powerful mind-altering drugs in their products.

The Debate
1. "It'll be great," says @@RANDOMNAME@@, the CEO of Eckie-Ecola. "Nice 'n' happy floating feelings all in a can, and all for just one @@CURRENCY@@! It's not the healthiest drink I admit, but what people want to do with their bodies is their own business. If you ban this beverage, you're only denying the citizens of their right to be exposed to the true hallucenogenic experience!"

2. "This can't go ahead," argues @@RANDOMNAME@@, a nurse at one of @@NAME@@'s hospitals. "Drugs are, and always will be, one of the greatest threats to the nation's physical and mental health! My job's hard enough as it is without having the wards overrun by patients who were stupid enough to drink the damned stuff. The distribution of drugs must be strictly controlled by the government and kept for medicinal uses."

3. "If you ask me," says @@RANDOMNAME@@, from behind a cloud of smoke. "We should just let everyone have drugs for free! If the government legalised and subsidised all these 'bad' drugs and gave 'em out to everyone, all our problems would be solved! There'd be no more drug traffickers, or thugs robbing old ladies to feed their addictions! 'Course there'd be a bit of a detrimental effect healthwise and to the drug industries, but the beauty of it all is that everyone will be too doped up to care!"

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#117: Stop The Suits, Say Surgeons [Ravenspire; ed:Sirocco]

The Issue
Recently, medical insurance premiums across the nation have been skyrocketing following several highly-publicised medical-malpractice lawsuits, making it even costlier than ever to get treatment. Doctors are asking the government to step in.

The Debate
1. "These lawsuits are driving up the price of medical insurance," complains Dr. @@RANDOMNAME@@. "I'm losing customers - patients, I mean - and it's becoming increasingly difficult for doctors like me to do our jobs without worrying about being bankrupted by some kid who didn't like the hospital food. Everyone makes mistakes. Look at politicians, they make them all the time and do they get fired? No. We must outlaw the medical-malpractice lawsuits undermining our healthcare system!"

2. "All that these doctors are interested in is saving their own necks," says @@RANDOMNAME@@, CEO of 'I Can't Believe It's A Law Firm!'. "They were negligent in the course of their work and are unwilling to pay the price. I mean, how do you perform a heart transplant on the wrong guy unless you're not paying attention? I for one think that our citizens deserve better from the healthcare service, and if doctors cause damage, they should pay for it. It's that simple. If some decent doctors get caught up in it, then it's surely their own fault for not being careful enough?"

3. "The problem is capitalism," insists @@RANDOMNAME@@, while trying to burn a @@CURRENCY@@ with a lighter. "The doctors are only trying to help their patients, and those class traitors at the insurance industry are only trying to make a profit out of people's misery on those rare occasions when things go wrong. I say we outlaw the insurance industry and then the good doctors will be safe while the bad ones go out of business. Everyone wins! Apart from the insurance people, I guess."

4. "The problem certainly is capitalism," says @@RANDOMNAME@@, a famed socialist. "But outlawing the insurance industry will not solve the main problem: the healthcare system itself! It's disgusting! I've seen paramedics check wallets before injuries! We must introduce a national health service and put some healthy investment into medical colleges, hospitals, and the likes. Then we'll have an over-abundance of competent doctors! The insurance industry won't be able to raise a finger to it and the citizens won't have to pay for treatment. Except through tax, of course."

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#118: Need For Speed? [Atlantic Rim; ed:Sirocco]

The Issue
After watching the movie 'The Fast and the Belligerent', boyracers from all over @@NAME@@ have been petitioning for the abolition of speed limits.

The Debate
1. "Today's cars are safer at high speeds than ever before," argues @@RANDOMNAME@@, editor of Sports Car Monthly. "And long-distance commuters are tired of spending hours on the road just to get to the next city. Abolishing the speed limit would be great for the economy too! People would be more likely to go out and buy cars if they thought they'd be able to use them properly. It seems like such a shame to be puttering along at the speed limit in a magnificent car like the 450HP twin-turbo @@ANIMAL@@ SX/T-7700 you know."

2. "Are you crazy?" cries @@RANDOMNAME@@, a road-accident victim. "We need lower speed limits on automobiles, not higher. You might as well enforce mandatory blindfolds on the road too, it'll come to the same conclusion! People's lives are at stake here! If people were made to drive at, say, no faster than fifty kilometres per hour, I would feel a lot happier walking the streets. Besides, if it takes a long time to get places via car then people might begin using mass transit for once."

3. "I think the current speed limits are fine, but we need better enforcement," says @@RANDOMNAME@@, the most feared traffic warden in @@NAME@@. "If we required GPS tracking devices in all vehicles, we'd ticket every single speeder, no problem. In addition, we could monitor the movements of criminals and other suspicious individuals, and vastly reduce the risk of crime, terrorism, and other subversive activity. Some say that's an invasion of privacy, but if you've done nothing wrong what's there to fear?"

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#119: Watershed Down? [New Cyprus; ed:Sirocco]

The Issue
An anonymous society of 'cinematic aficionados' have brought the debate over the proposed disposal of the watershed to your attention.

The Debate
1. "We don't need a watershed!" scoffs 'romantic-movie' buff, @@RANDOMNAME@@. "I don't see why I should wait 'til way past midnight to watch my preferred film genre. It's high time that parents stopped treating their children like... well, children! If you sugar-coat these kids' lives, they'll just end up seeing everything through rose-tinted glasses - and we can't have a country filled with spoilt brats now, can we?"

2. "This is an endorsement of bad taste if ever I saw it," says @@RANDOMNAME@@, a child-care worker. "It's just wrong to subject children to graphic violence and nudity on afternoon television like this: who knows what it might possess them to do? We've all heard stories of kids who have seen some film where someone jumped off a cliff and then gone off to have a shot themselves. We must ban all violent and salacious material from our TV screens. If only to protect the innocence of our progeny!"

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#120: Two Parties For Two Long? [Ren yi; ed:Sirocco]

The Issue
Representatives of several minor political parties have joined their voices to object to stiff ballot access requirements.

The Debate
1. "Two-party politics is squeezing the life out of democracy in @@NAME@@," laments @@RANDOMNAME@@, leader of the Pragmatic Radical Party. "The Liberal Conservatives and Progressive Traditionalists have a monopoly on public policy - or duopoly, whatever you want to call it. The point is that there's hardly any difference between them, and their chokehold on the electoral process lets hacks and crooks stay in office forever. Ballot access rules must be loosened so we can give the voters a truly democratic choice."

2. "People are afraid to support 'third' parties because they're afraid of seeing the 'bad guys' get elected," says @@RANDOMNAME@@, a ballot stastician. "But if we changed the system to allow preferential voting, where you can have your votes divvied up among your other candidates if your favourite doesn't recieve a certain number of votes, then that wouldn't be a problem. Then you could let as many parties as you wanted into the game. Deserving candidates wouldn't be harmed - they'd win! Maybe a few radicals would get through, but that just proves what a great system it is!"

3. "What ever happened to 'one man, one vote'?" asks @@RANDOMNAME@@, chairperson of the Liberal Conservative National Committee. "Changing the rules will just let all sorts of crackpots clog up the ballot and overwhelm voters with names they don't recognise - this will draw attention and support away from legitimate candidates! How do you expect the nation to function properly if the government doesn't have public support? Oh, and by the way, the Liberal Conservative Party presents a VERY clear alternative to the destructive agenda of the Progressive Traditionalists, and I'll wallop anyone who says otherwise."

4. "Opposition parties are such a bother," muses @@RANDOMNAME@@, your chief of staff. "If we allowed as many of them to be politicians as those fools in the Pragmatic Radical Party want, it would be very hard on the tax payers - and our own position in power. If we re-wrote the election rules so that a party had to reapply for recognition every time it failed to win a certain number of votes, we could knock our opposition out of the ring for good! Hey, the voters have spoken, and they asked for us. I think that just about settles it, don't you?"

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#121: A Uniform Plan For @@NAME@@'s Students? [Scheelia; ed:Sirocco]

The Issue
A random PTA meeting has brought the debate over school uniforms to your attention.

The Debate
1. "I think uniforms are great," says @@RANDOMNAME@@, your Minister of Education during a cabinet meeting. "They instil a sense of community within our schools and lower crime - and the pupils can go about their daily business without having to worry about being browbeaten by their classmates for not wearing the latest trainers. @@NAME@@ simply cannot do without them. If the children don't like them, then hard cheese."

2. "Dude, your plan stinks," says @@RANDOMNAME@@, leader of The Students Union. "Our clothing is part of who we are; it lets us express ourselves just by passing someone in the corridor. To say we must wear these inhibiting uniforms is an affront to our personal freedom! So back off with the uniforms, dude, students should be allowed to go to school dressed however they like. Or not dressed, if that's their style."

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#122: Pensioners In Protest [Emperor Matthuis; ed:Sirocco]

The Issue
Falling standards at @@NAME@@'s retirement homes have prompted OAPs to take to the streets and demand better treatment.

The Debate
1. "There needs to be more done for the elderly," says @@RANDOMNAME@@, a resident of 'This Old Man' retirement home. "We can't work to support ourselves anymore, and the pensions we get are measly. We need more benefits such as higher standards of living, free bus tickets, and a continuous supply of @@CURRENCY@@s. All it requires is a little more generosity on the part of the tax payers - after all, we fought the war for their sort."

2. "I'm not giving any of my hard-earned wages to a bunch of old fossils," says @@RANDOMNAME@@, a devout tax payer. "If they weren't smart enough to save enough money for their later years, then why should the government pay out for them now? They had their chance and they didn't take it. If they really want money so bad, they can go out and work for it like everyone else."

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#123: Now, Vat's Food For Thought [Tahar Joblis; ed:Sirocco]

The Issue
After recent leaps and bounds in biomedical research, scientists have revealed 'vat-grown tissue', provoking wild controversy over its possible medical - and culinary - uses.

The Debate
1. "There is absolutely nothing wrong that has been done here," claims one of the researchers, Dr. @@RANDOMNAME@@. "Vat-grown cloned tissue is extremely versatile when producing organs for transplantation, and knit my booties if it's not the tastiest and most nutritionally-balanced thing around! Beats me why anyone could be against it."

2. "It's shocking and appalling that we could even consider adding vat-grown meat to the menu," says @@RANDOMNAME@@ III, the one-armed descendant of a long line of devout vegetarians. "But, on the other hand, we have been waiting for this major medical breakthrough for a long time. Imagine it - no more waiting lists for transplants! This will be of enormous benefit to the healthcare sector. I just think we should draw the line at eating the stuff."

3. "By all means, legalise vat-grown meat!" says @@RANDOMNAME@@, a masterchef. "Some people say that it's wrong to grow these creatures just to kill them, but that's ridiculous. Cattle breeders in other countries are doing it all the time! So get rid of this mad compulsory vegetarianism law because eating meat is not wrong. What's wrong is making them for spare bodyparts. Do I want a piece of me to have been grown? In a VAT? No. It's disgustin'. Besides, it'll raise the cost of my insurance."

4. "This is all abhorrent and aberrant!" declares @@RANDOMNAME@@, the High H'gradskas of the @@NAME@@ Unorthodox Church. "You can't just create meat. It's against God's will, and you'll find that pretty much every other religion will back me up on this one. Living things were designed to be born. Or hatched. Or germinated. And then there's mitosis of course, but that's not the point - the point is that there are some things that Men were not meant to meddle with. We should keep well away from the whole cloning business altogether."

5. "That guy has no sense of vision." says @@RANDOMNAME@@, your Minister of Demographics. "Why waste this invention on healthcare or cookery when so much more could be done! Sterilise everybody and grow new people in vats! Disease will be a thing of the past! When they break, just grow new parts! It adopts the industrial method to population management, something we've needed for a long time. And now that we finally have the right technology, I say we do it!"

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#124: To Paint Or Not To Paint? [Aoifambia; ed:Sirocco]

The Issue
An elite group of highly-qualified, well-respected scientists, lawyers, and doctors are campaigning to outlaw the study of the Arts and Humanities in the Universities of @@NAME@@.

The Debate
1. "Why should Arts students get to lounge around reading books and watching daytime TV for hours on end, when some of our hard-working youngsters are dedicating themselves to the study of worthwhile and valuable subjects; studies which will benefit the nation as a whole?" asks @@RANDOMNAME@@, a student engineer. "We should be grooming our young people to help, not sponge off the system. The Arts should be considered a hobby, not a career."

2. "You can't mean that," gasps Prof. Catherine Gratwick, renowned worldwide for her paintings of trains. "Learning should be done out of love, not duty. The Study of the Arts has been a noble field for many centuries, and learning it is not as easy as you think. I'd rather die than live in a world where creativity is stifled. We should be encouraging young artists, writers, musicians - if only to strengthen @@NAME@@'s cultural reputation."

3. "What's the point in allowing most young people to continue in further education anyway?" enquires @@RANDOMNAME@@, a factory manager. "Surely most students would be better employed in manual and factory work? You should handpick a select few to study medicine, the law, science, and business of course, and utilise the majority of youth to increase the country's productivity in industry. Academic freedom just gets in the way of a functioning society, I've always said."

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#125: Bring Back The Ballot? [Centralis; ed:Sirocco]

The Issue
Angry crowds formed yesterday around government offices in @@NAME@@, demanding the reinstatement of free and fair elections.

The Debate
1. "Give us the vote!" cries protester @@RANDOMNAME@@, before hurling another volley of eggs. "It is the right of the many to decide who leads our country, not the few! If we don't get democracy right now, we'll... we'll, uh... we'll throw more eggs, that's what we'll do! Don't say you haven't been warned!"

2. "Elections?! Have they gone quite insane?!" shouts red-faced government hard-liner, @@RANDOMNAME@@. "We can't possibly allow that rabble to have such a degree of control over this country! They're never happy! One moment they're demanding democracy, the next they'll be complaining about all the new taxes! If we dropped taxes, you'd find that they'd be much more compliant. And if they're not, we'll get the army to fill 'em full of lead."

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#126: Outsourcing An Outrage, Say Demonstators [Enerica; ed:Sirocco]

The Issue
As the nation's unemployment rate skyrockets, citizens have staged a massive protest against corporations outsourcing jobs to poorer nations to take advantage of the lax regulations and cheap labour.

The Debate
1. "This is unacceptable!" decrees @@RANDOMNAME@@, outspoken representative of the National Union of Telephone-based Salesmen. "Sixteen call-centres round the country have already closed because they found they could get cheaper workers in some country no-one's ever heard of! If businesses are allowed to pack up shop and ship jobs out to other countries, our own people will be unemployed and out on the streets. The government must ban this evil corporate practice immediately!"

2. "Nonsense!" scoffs @@RANDOMNAME@@, manager of human resources at Ekin, a popular sportswear company. "Outsourcing jobs to where the labour is cheap means we can slash costs. That means we can have lower prices for the good consumers - uh - citizens of @@NAME@@. There's plenty of other jobs besides factory-working you know, and with the influx of cheaper products they really shouldn't have anything to complain about."

3. "The only reason that companies are so unwilling to stay here is because of the constricting regulations," says @@RANDOMNAME@@, a ridiculously wealthy businessman. "Everytime my company tries to make a decision, we run up against about a million laws forbidding us from our ventures. Since when has making money been a crime? Allow more economic freedom and companies will be simply flocking to this country. The workers will suffer a bit from losing minimum wage laws, of course, but that's progress for you."

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#127: Aging Concerns in @@NAME@@ [Sirocco; ed:Reploid Productions]

The Issue
Fears about the aging population in @@NAME@@ have been raised after it was discovered that nearly a fifth of the population is over 65 years of age and becoming a serious drain on pension funds everywhere.

The Debate
1. "We're going to run out of working age citizens if we don't act fast!" warns @@RANDOMNAME@@, a government statician. "Birth rates are down, death rates are down, and the amount of budget spent on pensions has doubled in the last twenty years! We need to put an end to this, quickly and without delay: we must kill off all the people too old to work anymore... well except for government officials like you and me of course..."

2. "I can't believe I'm hearing this!" yells @@RANDOMNAME@@, a wizened octogenerian. "We have our rights! You can't do that to us! What utter rubbish about our pensions! I can hardly survive on the paltry number of @@CURRENCY@@ I get each week! If anything, we should get more money! If you're so worried about low death rates, then just cut the healthcare budget to make up for the loss!"

3. "Woah, woah! Talk about hasty decisions here, man," says Kool Kal, one of your more hip advisors. "Just increase the working age to say... ninety-five years old? Then the number of people eligible for a pension is like, dramatically reduced, man. Why? It's 'cos most of them'll be like, six feet under, dude!" He high-fives you. "Funny, ain't it, man?"

Man, great job.

Don't start posting the effects on the stats each option carries though, thats just going a bit too far!

Wow... :o :shock:

You did a most exelent job here! I would reccomend posting the effect too. I can help with this if you need it. Just ask me, and I'll see what I can do.

Don't start posting the effects on the stats each option carries though, thats just going a bit too far!

Let's imagine what that would take...
First, all the variables would have to be tracked down, a major undertaking in and of itself... then for each option (including dismiss) in each issue the stats would have to be tracked multiple times (in order to determine all factors are accounted for)... we're talking close to a thousand of experiments. And when one missed variable is discovered later on, ALL experiments would have to be repeated just to get it right...

In other words. No way in hell I'm even thinking about spending time on that one :D.

But even outside of that, yes, I agree with you. That would definitely be too much of a spoiler. People should contemplate the effects for themselves (and occasionally be surprised :)).

I decided to post the above spoiler because:
a) Almost all people have seen these issues by now. Many, many times over.
b) Any new issue is getting major coverage on many regional boards and in this very forum.

The **SPOILER ALERT** is for those few newcomers that wish to remain surprised.

Ballotonia

Wow, that is very impressive. How long did it take?

Wow, that is very impressive. How long did it take?

Used 21 nations on 2 issues/day, still took about 5 days (well, about 30 minutes per day). So make that 2.5 hours spent time. Those new issues are getting priority in getting sent out, and I had to get the OLD ones too :), never bothered copying them down before.

Ballotonia

Yup. I done gotten all o' dem.

I've gotten them all. I could've sworn there are a few more for nations with really odd policies, though...

*cries because none of his two dozen submitted issues have been accepted*

*grins evilly*

Well, I've got two questions about user submitted issues...

1. What are the criteria on which they get accepted or rejected?

and 2. After what amount of time from its submission does an issue usually get into circulation? (in other words, how long do I have to wait before I know whether it was accepted or not?)

1. If [violet] and/or Max likes it.
2. Depends. Once its excepted, edited, and coded, you just have to wait until the next game update, which would be, at most, 12 hours (provided it's not mucking up again). However, considering the insane backlog of issues right now, it may take awhile.

There were hundreds of submissions before even a week had gone by.

i anticipated [violet] would be flooded with issues. Perhaps some sort of issue approval council of say 20 members should be created. They do the approving and the admin does the coding

Hundreds? And only 6 were accepted? :shock:

Hundreds? And only 6 were accepted? :shock:

Well... break it down.

What percentage were:

Too similar to existing ones?
Too similar to other accepted ones?
Too unintelligable to even try to read?
Done so horribly wrong that it wasn't worth bothering?
Actually good?
Ones that [violet] actually had time to accept and then clean up, fix style, spelling, grammar, and finally code?

Well, I submitted one that I put a lot of thought into, and that fits all those criteria... (well, except for the subjective factor of whether they like it or not)... snif :cry:

Give [Violet] some time...There's been 650+ submitted so far, apparently.

Well, I submitted one that I put a lot of thought into, and that fits all those criteria... (well, except for the subjective factor of whether they like it or not)... snif :cry:

Hey, I submitted a couple myself as well. Just takes time.

Unlike us, [violet] appears to actually have a life.

Or so the legends say...

Wow... maybe [violet] should recruit some volunteers to help with the work. At least with the initial separation of reasonable issues from really bad ones.

A life? Where can I download that? :)

Wow... maybe [violet] should recruit some volunteers to help with the work. At least with the initial separation of reasonable issues from really bad ones.

A life? Where can I download that? :)

The legends say a life can be found at http://www.keanuville.com

This is because they were invented by liars.

The legends say a life can be found at http://www.keanuville.com

Oh dear god...

*claws out his eyes in horror*

That site's message board is soveriegn territory of MrCranky! Woo-hoo!

I've gotten them all. I could've sworn there are a few more for nations with really odd policies, though...

If there are, they should have negative or fractional index numbers or something, cause the list is filled up as it is. No gaps are left in the sequence.

Ballotonia

O...k... anyway, I got a new one. :D

#37 : @@NAME@@ Looks to the Stars by The Federation of Sentient Peoples
The Issue

The recent popularity of a science-fiction TV show has prompted calls for Frigben to develop its own space program.

The Debate
"Don't tell me space colonies wouldn't be cool," says excited fifth-grade teacher Randy Jefferson, still wearing big Spock ears from his last convention. "Think of how they would galvanize the national population! And there would also be some kind of scientific benefit, probably."

"The project certainly is feasible, but very expensive," says Frigben Space Agency Head Fleur McGuffin. "We could make it less of a burden on the taxpayers if we sought funding from private industry -- advertisements on the side of our rockets, selling contracts to the Arms Manufacturing industry, that kind of thing."

"If God had meant Man to fly, he would have give us solid rocket boosters instead of legs," says religious type Jazz King. "We should not be looking to the stars, but rather inside our own hearts. That's why we should abandon this so-called space program, and instead make the teaching of religion mandatory in all schools."


I haven't seen the effect yet.

#37 : @@NAME@@ Looks to the Stars by The Federation of Sentient Peoples

Close. It's actually #38. No idea what #37 is. [Violet] wouldn't skip a number just to keep us guessing, right? :D.

It has been added to the list.

Also, I noticed an error in the text:
"he would have given us solid rocket boosters"

Ballotonia


EDIT: just dawned on me it might be more helpful if I told you how to get the issue number: when you see the list of issues, hold the pointer over it, and at the bottom you'll see the URL including the issue number. You can also open the issue itself in a new window and look at the address bar.

Dilemma #37:

Traffic Cops Needed on International Superhighway?

The Issue

Certain shadowy ministerial figures have proposed government monitoring of individual internet usage.

The Debate

1. "In these days of terror and uncertainty, it's exactly what we need," says Freddy Dredd, signing an arrest warrant. "Every pervert, terrorist, bomb-building maniac and anti-government idiot is currently online. I'm not saying that we should block citizens from seeing it, but let's also watch who's seeking it out. This will give our law enforcement officers the chance to prevent crimes before they happen. If you've done nothing wrong, you've got nothing to hide."

2. "Well, I AM saying we should block out that filth," says a man in a dark hat, stepping from the shadows. "If people want to use the internet, they can view our government-approved sites. Those are swell."

3. Privacy activist Max Jefferson is outraged, as usual. "Tyranny is the natural result of limiting information! Someone, somewhere, will always find something offensive -- mimes for example. Those scare the hell out of me. But should we ban them? No! Free the internet! We have nothing to fear from free information but pop-up advertising!"

Issue by: The Dominion of Snowcat.

This is an excellent thread! Can't the Mods make it a sticky?

Great job on all counts. Thanks, Ballotonia.

This is an excellent thread! Can't the Mods make it a sticky?

Sure we can. The question is will we :wink:

Go on Hack

Also, I noticed an error in the text:
"he would have given us solid rocket boosters"

Ballotonia


I also noticed an error:

"Don't tell me space colonies wouldn't be cool," says excited fifth-grade teacher Randy Jefferson, still wearing big Spock ears from his last convention. "Think of how they would galvanize the national population! And there would also be some kind of scientific benefit, probably."

The random name I had was "Anne-Marie Washington".

I sent in a good issue.
I worked on it for at least two days.
I think it came out well.

Anyway, it would be better (and better wrote than this) than this, this IS JUST A SUMMARY: (People would talk differently, this is just a SUMMARY)

S
P
O
I
L
E
R

It is about a army soldier getting drunk and getting into a fight and shooting (without killing) someone.

Then people are talking about it.

One person says: "Let's get rid of army, they should be protecting us!
get police instead"
Effects/Stats: Reduces army by 50% or in somecases 100%. Increases Police funding.

Military says: "If we had better funding, this would never had happened, we ARE protecting you from other nations remember"
Effects/Stats: Increase military funding AND Taxes.

One Housewive says: "Ban alcohol and guns"
Effects/Stats: Decreases Civil rights by large amount. Decreases crime ratings alot.

One person says:"Have longer/stronger punishments, but reward schemes for criminals who do well"
Effects/Stats: Upped Police spending. Crime levels drop slightly. economy rises a little. Civil rights go up. Taxes up by 30%. (30% out of 100)

Obviously the real one is many times longer, and much more detailed, and better designed, but I just can't risk you cheeky monkys from getting your hands on it, Could I?

Why doesn't [violet] let the MODS help if they want to?

Why doesn't [violet] let the MODS help if they want to?

Patience.

http://cif.rochester.edu/~rubing/temp/salusasecondus2.jpg
SalusaSecondus
Tech Modling

I sent in a good issue.
I worked on it for at least two days.
I think it came out well.

Anyway, it would be better (and better wrote than this) than this, this IS JUST A SUMMARY: (People would talk differently, this is just a SUMMARY)

S
P
O
I
L
E
R

It is about a army soldier getting drunk and getting into a fight and shooting (without killing) someone.

Then people are talking about it.

One person says: "Let's get rid of army, they should be protecting us!
get police instead"
Effects/Stats: Reduces army by 50% or in somecases 100%. Increases Police funding.

Military says: "If we had better funding, this would never had happened, we ARE protecting you from other nations remember"
Effects/Stats: Increase military funding AND Taxes.

One Housewive says: "Ban alcohol and guns"
Effects/Stats: Decreases Civil rights by large amount. Decreases crime ratings alot.

One person says:"Have longer/stronger punishments, but reward schemes for criminals who do well"
Effects/Stats: Upped Police spending. Crime levels drop slightly. economy rises a little. Civil rights go up. Taxes up by 30%. (30% out of 100)

Obviously the real one is many times longer, and much more detailed, and better designed, but I just can't risk you cheeky monkys from getting your hands on it, Could I?

I have submitted a lot better ones then that.Like "Revolutionaries sieze large city" "Terrorists attck" and much more.A drunk solider shooting without killing people would not become a national issue.Now if somebody died and the solider beat his children but he was sexually abused as a child then maybe the media could make it a national issue.But thats just how the media is.

SalusaSecondus-Did you realize that was your 300th post?Congratulations!I know that they have helped a lot of people.

In issue #37, International needs to become Informational.

I've never seen #19, what are the requirements for that?

The Space one needs to be fixed. I chose the option that would put a less burden on taxpayers and my taxes went up from 3% to 7%

The Space one needs to be fixed. I chose the option that would put a less burden on taxpayers and my taxes went up from 3% to 7%

Less burden, yes. Zero burden, no.

The other option - for full government funding raised my taxes from 9 to 16%.

In issue #37, International needs to become Informational.

I interpreted that modification as intentional. Although I'm not sure what the intent was... perhaps not annoying US people with the highly over-used term Information Super-Highway?

I've never seen #19, what are the requirements for that?

The major requirement is not making recreational drugs illegal when you start your nation. It's one of the questions you fill out when you start. If at that point you make it illegal... bye bye issue #19 for that nation :).

Ballotonia

I have had "campaigner Max Barry" before!

In issue #37, International needs to become Informational.

I interpreted that modification as intentional. Although I'm not sure what the intent was... perhaps not annoying US people with the highly over-used term Information Super-Highway?


Perhaps. I was just a bit confused because for a moment I thought it had something to do with actual highway traffic and not the internet. :P

I just realised - Ballotonia forgot to include Basket Weaving as a major industry. My puppet nation, Artmilia, used to have that as it's major industry.

I just realised - Ballotonia forgot to include Basket Weaving as a major industry. My puppet nation, Artmilia, used to have that as it's major industry.

That's interesting. I got that list from another thread (Codes for Issues) where Sentient Peoples posted it 'at the request of SalusaSecondus'. So, I presumed the list was complete. Looks like I'll have to pull a large amount of XML files now to see if I can find some other ones that were missed.

Thanks for the heads-up, editing it now...

Ballotonia

I found another one:
"enterprising fourteen-year-old boys selling lemonade on the sidewalk"

I found another one:
"enterprising fourteen-year-old boys selling lemonade on the sidewalk"

Sounds like a descriptor text, not a possible @@MAJORINDUSTRY@@. Can you please tell me the name of a nation you think has this?

Ballotonia

I had it

I found another one:
"enterprising fourteen-year-old boys selling lemonade on the sidewalk"

Sounds like a descriptor text, not a possible @@MAJORINDUSTRY@@. Can you please tell me the name of a nation you think has this?

Ballotonia

Any nation that has outlawed private business will have such a description. I'm pretty sure it isn't a @@MAJOR INDUSTRY@@ any more than "cynical population" is...

No new issues for a week...what have we done wrong?

Wow. :shock: I've recieved all of these (albiet some through satirical puppets).

I'd better get to work on my issue. It involves political freedoms, but that's all that I'll say about it.

Before I forget:
Please sticky this Hack. Please.

I believe it has been stickied, sort of.

It is referenced in the Scolo's Big Tech Sticky thread.

It is referenced in the Scolo's Big Tech Sticky thread.
Ah. I haven't checked the stickies since the first time when I discovered the forum,so I hadn't seen.

^kick^

New issues are coming, so I'm bringing this to the top for those people that don't check the sticky list.

If people feel the urge to post the text of any new issue they get, I'd prefer they do it here than randomly around NS without a proper spoiler warning.

I'm kicking my bazillion nations into gear to record the issues as well. Let's see if we can keep up with this upcoming 'flood' of new issues ;)

Reminder: mention not only the text, but also the sequence NUMBER of the issue! For the number, see the URL of the page it's on.

Ballotonia

I've already begun the puppeteering. But the case usually seems to be that older nations get the new issues first. Fingers crossed.

Plenty of time is needed anyway I mean come on now. how many nations play this game. Plus the problems plus the complaints plus reactivating certain Nations. These things right hear all alone take plenty of time.

This should be a sticky. It's really good and the person who made this post deserves it to be one

This should be a sticky. It's really good and the person who made this post deserves it to be one. I made an issue involving a ban on people stealing from old people's bags. It involves a curfew for old people. they'll be executed if they stay up after 6.00

Actually, this sorta is a sticky. See Scolo's list of stickies.

Basically, there were too many stickies, so they made a stickied list of sticky-worthy topics instead.

Ballotonia

^kick^

I believe they start tomorrow!

Hey, look! A new issue!

Scandal Rocks [your country]'s Government!

The Issue
A tabloid magazine, The National Incriminator, has revealed the sordid details of an affair between one of your top advisors, Robert Lotsalovin, and his secretary.

The Debate
"They found out I did WHAT!?" Advisor Lotsalovin says in his morning meeting in your office. "This just can't happen! How can government officials do their jobs properly if we have to work under the constant scrutiny of these idiotic supermarket tabloids? I say tabloid newspapers must be banned, and we must not allow newspapers to speak ill of our government officials... for the good of [your country], of course.."
[Accept]


"Unbelievable!" says Reverend [random name] of the local Catholic church. "Our government officials must be held to a higher standard than this! Mr. Lotsalovin must be removed from office and jailed. We cannot allow such disgusting corruption within the halls of justice!"
[Accept]


"Whoa, whoa, hey, now..." argues Senator [random name]. "What happened to Mr. Lostalovin is no different than affairs that happen all over [your country] every day! Before you know it, they'll be after YOUR sexual history! I think what we need to do is take the public attention off of it somehow, perhaps by... oh, I don't know... giving them a tax cut! That'll divert their attention from this momentary distraction just long enough for Mr. Lotsalovin's divorce process to end!"
[Accept]


Issue by: The SLAGLands
Edited by: The SLAGLands

;)

There's another one about Heavy Metal. I'm too lazy to login to my puppet to post it. :wink:

The Issue (The Great Wall of @@NAME@@?)
Due to the ongoing wars in neighboring countries, a recent rash of illegal immigrants have been caught at the borders of @@NAME@@, prompting many citizens to call for tighter immigration laws.

The Debate
@@RANDOMNAME@@ of the @@NAME@@ National Purity League says "These illegal aliens are just an eyesore with their strange customs and funny languages. Uneducated immigrants like these only worsen crime and steal valuable jobs! I say we should boot them all out on their ears and put a big fence around the country!"
[Accept]


@@RANDOMNAME@@ of the @@NAME@@ Civil Liberties Union says "We must welcome these refugees from any nation into our open arms, they are fleeing one oppressive dictatorial regime in the only way they know, we must not let them think they jumping from the frying pan into the fire!"
[Accept]


"Hold on there, hold on people!" says @@RANDOMNAME@@ of the @@NAME@@ Broadcasting company, "We don't have to take either extreme, all we have to do is make a TV game show out of it! We put deadly obstacles on the border and monitor it with television cameras! Those that make it across win freedom and citizenship, and those who don't, well, lets just say that our buzzards won't starve. We could call it 'Who Wants to be an Immigrant?'!"
[Accept]
The Government Position
The government has yet to formalize a position on this issue.

If you wish, you may simply dismiss this issue.

Issue by: The United Socialist States of 1 Infinite Loop
Editor: Reploid Productions

The Issue
The Batter Up! Baseball League has begun to grow in popularity and is now seeking government support in establishing teams and stadiums throughout the nation.

The Debate
"Holy cow, is this gonna be great!" hollers BUBL President and sports nut Buy Silk, wearing a fashionable giant foam finger on his right hand. "Baseball is just what @@NAME@@ needs right now! Think about it: soda, popcorn, hot dogs... oh, and I'm sure the economy will benefit somehow, too! All we need is the government funding to build stadiums and teams, and we'll be on every TV and in every city in the country!"

This is the position your government is preparing to adopt.


"You're going to spend the taxpayer's money on WHAT?" counters Minister of Finance Violet Hamilton in his newly furnished office. "I mean, I love playing a good game of baseball every now and then, but does the government really need to go around supporting this? The only people that are going to benefit are a bunch of fat-cat burger vendors and bored hicks with nothing better to do on Sunday afternoon! We need to stop spending so much money on these ridiculous games and get back to what's really important: running the business of the country."
[Accept]

Yay! I got one of the ones I editted! ^_^ The "S&M" one I mentioned in the other thread =p

Whips, Chains, and Leather, oh my!

The Issue
An organized crowd of leather-clad individuals, some of whom are on leashes, are protesting against discrimination for those who share their interests.

The Debate
"We happen to express our love differently, with different hobbies and activities," explains BDSM enthusiast Hope Washington, while wearing needle-sharp spiked heels and holding a whip. "Shops exist to cater to the needs of 'normal' people, but do you have ANY idea how hard it is to get a quality whip? A little support for our hobbies would be appreciated!"
[Accept]


"Yeah," exclaims Anne-Marie Clinton, another enthusiast, wearing nothing but a collar, "and like other couples, we want the right to display our affection in public. If Master wants to take me walkies in public, he should be able to."
[Accept]


Lars Trax dissents wholeheartedly. "This is not about showing affection--this is about moral decency. Think of the children, for God's sake! Think of the children! We must criminalize and eliminate this perversion to keep them safe. Which of course means a special task force to track down and capture these cretins!"
[Accept]

Don't forget the issue number please, people, the issue number... !

Comments:
- Assuming no numbers are skipped, there's at least 13 new issues so far. (#39 through #51)
- There's new first and last names in @@RANDOMNAME@@.
- Slaggy got to 'edit' his own issue. Who's gonna start a thread on Conflict of Interest? ;)
- Spelling in #49: vehemetley

List, seen so far:
#39: Scandal Rocks @@NAME@@'s Government! [Issue by: The SLAGLands]
#42: Turn Down That Racket, Say Morality Police [Issue by: The Prelapsarian State]
#45: Baseball League Steps Up To The Plate [Issue by: Pilot]
#47: The Great Wall of @@NAME@@? [Issue by: 1 Infinite Loop]
#49: Diving For Dollars [Issue by: Nogero]
#50: Whips, Chains, and Leather, oh my! [Issue by: Yacatizma]
#51: Streaker in Snooker Game Fiasco [Issue by: Sirocco]

---------------------------------------------
#39: Scandal Rocks @@NAME@@'s Government! [Issue by: The SLAGLands]

The Issue
A tabloid magazine, The National Incriminator, has revealed the sordid details of an affair between one of your top advisors, Robert Lotsalovin, and his secretary.

The Debate
"They found out I did WHAT!?" Advisor Lotsalovin says in his morning meeting in your office. "This just can't happen! How can government officials do their jobs properly if we have to work under the constant scrutiny of these idiotic supermarket tabloids? I say tabloid newspapers must be banned, and we must not allow newspapers to speak ill of our government officials... for the good of @@NAME@@, of course.."

"Unbelievable!" says Reverend @@RANDOMNAME@@ of the local Catholic church. "Our government officials must be held to a higher standard than this! Mr. Lotsalovin must be removed from office and jailed. We cannot allow such disgusting corruption within the halls of justice!"

"Whoa, whoa, hey, now..." argues Senator @@RANDOMNAME@@. "What happened to Mr. Lostalovin is no different than affairs that happen all over @@NAME@@ every day! Before you know it, they'll be after YOUR sexual history! I think what we need to do is take the public attention off of it somehow, perhaps by... oh, I don't know... giving them a tax cut! That'll divert their attention from this momentary distraction just long enough for Mr. Lotsalovin's divorce process to end!"

---------------------------------------------
#42: Turn Down That Racket, Say Morality Police [Issue by: The Prelapsarian State]

The Issue
A group of concerned parishioners and soccer moms has petitioned the government of @@NAME@@ to outlaw heavy metal music, which they fear is a bad influence on youngsters.

The Debate
"Heavy metal music is a plague in our good nation and its God-fearing people!" argues local priest and easy listening advocate @@RANDOMNAME@@. "Just the other day, I heard a song by some group called Hell's Irate Puppies with a sinful quantity of bass and drum... oh, and there were probably some lines about killing parents, too, I'd imagine! It's vital that we ban this music, and remove this terrible influence from our children's lives! Think of the children!"

"Whoa, man... what's with the, like, censorship and stuff?" asks @@RANDOMNAME@@, scruffy-haired bassist of the popular speed metal band The Destroyinators. "You can't, like, censor the music, man. That's how we express ourselves! Every bass beat is me bearing my soul! Every howl is me complainin' about how my parents tried to kick me out of their basement! Besides, what's wrong with Satan? He's just misunderstood anyway. I say promote the arts, man!"

"You know, this heavy metal issue has me thinking," says @@RANDOMNAME@@, your brother, over your weekly game of cribbage. "If these long-haired freaks want to put out their devil-worshipping metal, why don't we let them? Of course, we'll put a little subliminal propoganda into every song... after all, don't these guys owe their freedom of expression to you?"

---------------------------------------------
#45: Baseball League Steps Up To The Plate [Issue by: Pilot]

The Issue
The Batter Up! Baseball League has begun to grow in popularity and is now seeking government support in establishing teams and stadiums throughout the nation.

The Debate
"Holy cow, is this gonna be great!" hollers BUBL President and sports nut @@RANDOMNAME@@, wearing a fashionable giant foam finger on his right hand. "Baseball is just what @@NAME@@ needs right now! Think about it: soda, popcorn, hot dogs... oh, and I'm sure the economy will benefit somehow, too! All we need is the government funding to build stadiums and teams, and we'll be on every TV and in every city in the country!"

"You're going to spend the taxpayer's money on WHAT?" counters Minister of Finance @@RANDOMNAME@@ in his newly furnished office. "I mean, I love playing a good game of baseball every now and then, but does the government really need to go around supporting this? The only people that are going to benefit are a bunch of fat-cat burger vendors and bored hicks with nothing better to do on Sunday afternoon! We need to stop spending so much money on these ridiculous games and get back to what's really important: running the business of the country."

---------------------------------------------
#47: The Great Wall of @@NAME@@? [Issue by: 1 Infinite Loop]

The Issue
Due to the ongoing wars in neighboring countries, a recent rash of illegal immigrants have been caught at the borders of @@NAME@@, prompting many citizens to call for tighter immigration laws.

The Debate
@@RANDOMNAME@@ of the @@NAME@@ National Purity League says "These illegal aliens are just an eyesore with their strange customs and funny languages. Uneducated immigrants like these only worsen crime and steal valuable jobs! I say we should boot them all out on their ears and put a big fence around the country!"

@@RANDOMNAME@@ of the @@NAME@@ Civil Liberties Union says "We must welcome these refugees from any nation into our open arms, they are fleeing one oppressive dictatorial regime in the only way they know, we must not let them think they jumping from the frying pan into the fire!"

"Hold on there, hold on people!" says @@RANDOMNAME@@ of the @@NAME@@ Broadcasting company, "We don't have to take either extreme, all we have to do is make a TV game show out of it! We put deadly obstacles on the border and monitor it with television cameras! Those that make it across win freedom and citizenship, and those who don't, well, lets just say that our buzzards won't starve. We could call it 'Who Wants to be an Immigrant?'!"

---------------------------------------------
#49: Diving For Dollars [Issue by: Nogero]

The Issue
Divers from a local scuba club have discovered an enormous underwater gold deposit that could be worth billions of @@CURRENCY@@s in one of @@NAME@@'s lakes. It has also caused a huge debate over who should be allowed to plunder the goods.

The Debate
@@RANDOMNAME@@, a cabinet member, would like the government to seize the deposit. "This is an excellent time to boost @@NAME@@'s economy and increase our foreign trade with other countries! Who cares about the people that discovered the deposit? They've done their country a great favor and should let us have the money!"

@@RANDOMNAME@@, a civil rights activist, vehemetley disagrees. "The deposit was found by private citizens and it should be their choice of what to do with the gold. If the government goes around stealing what is rightfully ours, then I shudder to think I live in such a corrupt country. These people discovered the gold, it's now their time to get rich! Nevermind the fact they were diving in a lake on government property!"

"We should do what now?" Environmentalist @@RANDOMNAME@@ exclaims. "Do you have any idea how damaging it would be to the environment to mine the gold under that lake? Think of all the aquatic life that would be disrupted or destroyed! Think of how an otherwise pristine lake view would be ruined! Forget the gold and keep those money-grubbing pigs away from nature!"

---------------------------------------------
#50: Whips, Chains, and Leather, oh my! [Issue by: Yacatizma]

The Issue
An organized crowd of leather-clad individuals, some of whom are on leashes, are protesting against discrimination for those who share their interests.

The Debate
"We happen to express our love differently, with different hobbies and activities," explains BDSM enthusiast @@RANDOMNAME@@, while wearing needle-sharp spiked heels and holding a whip. "Shops exist to cater to the needs of 'normal' people, but do you have ANY idea how hard it is to get a quality whip? A little support for our hobbies would be appreciated!"

"Yeah," exclaims @@RANDOMNAME@@, another enthusiast, wearing nothing but a collar, "and like other couples, we want the right to display our affection in public. If Master wants to take me walkies in public, he should be able to."

@@RANDOMNAME@@ dissents wholeheartedly. "This is not about showing affection--this is about moral decency. Think of the children, for God's sake! Think of the children! We must criminalize and eliminate this perversion to keep them safe. Which of course means a special task force to track down and capture these cretins!"

---------------------------------------------
#51: Streaker in Snooker Game Fiasco [Issue by: Sirocco]

The Issue
After a sixty year old man with psoriasis streaked past cameras and millions of sports fans during the snooker league playoffs, protesters have called for tougher action.

The Debate
"This can't go on!" says traumatized snooker player @@RANDOMNAME@@, "Children are watching sports and having them exposed to this lewd behaviour is unacceptable! I demand that these people be locked up for several years and maybe they'll have learnt their lesson!"

"Oh don't be ridiculous!" scoffs prolific streaker @@RANDOMNAME@@, "It's all just a bit of fun and the kids shouldn't be wrapped in cotton wool, or they'll learn nothing! Sports are so dull anyway, it needs a little bare skin to liven it up. Streaking should be legal!"

---------------------------------------------

#44: No Pain, No Gain! [Issue By: Independent Planets (edited by SalusaSecondus)]

The Issue
Due to the recent capture of a foreign terrorist in @@NAME@@, high-level military officials want the government to authorize torture to extract information about other terrorist activities.

The Debate
"Torture is the only way that we can get these idiots to tell us anything," says General @@RANDOMNAME@@ of @@NAME@@'s special forces division. "After all, violence is the only shared language we have with these scum."

"Are you kidding?" states political activist @@RANDOMNAME@@. "Torture never works. If anything, it should be outlawed. What do we want to become, genocidal maniacs?

"There's nothing wrong with torture, but we can't make it too obvious," says Secretary of Defense @@RANDOMNAME@@. "How about we simply ask them nicely, and then, if they don't tell us, we kill them? That's better just from the intimidation."

Even though this is technically stickied, I think it should be properly stickied for visibility, because I don't think many people read Scolo's Big Tech Sticky.

:(

I submitted about 6 issues in the first week or so... Haven't seen a single one come up yet... :(

:(

I submitted about 6 issues in the first week or so... Haven't seen a single one come up yet... :(
You'll get a tm when they are accepted.

I submitted one, and have a couple more to submit if it looks like nobody has done it yet.

Three more identified:

#40: Hukd on Fonix Workd 4 Me! [Issue by Bostion]
#41: Software Giant Stomps on Competition [Issue by 1 Infinite Loop]
#43: Prisoners Demand Elbow Room [Issue by Lucazmodei]

---------------------------------------------------------------
#40: Hukd on Fonix Workd 4 Me! [Issue by Bostion]

The Issue
@@NAME@@ has a serious problem with poor literacy rates among 12-18 year olds, which many parents and teachers blame on the current state of the education system and lack of government funding.

The Debate
Boot Camp instructor @@RANDOMNAME@@ stated his opinion: "Who gives a damn? Makes 'em easier to turn into brainwashed grunts anyhow! You don't need to be able to read in order to fire a gun! What we need to do is focus on our military spending- what does it matter if you can read or not when you're overrun by warmongering barbarians?"

On the other side, there's @@NAME@@'s Education Administrator. "This is shocking news. If the children of tomorrow cannot read, then what? Next thing you know, we'll be speaking ebonics! The government must devote more efforts to education! Where will we be twenty years from now with an overflow of unskilled labor?"

@@RANDOMNAME@@, principal of a highly-rated private school, prefers a different approach. "Instead of that, why not issue government vouchers so that parents can afford to send their children to privately run schools? We offer a far better education than the public schools. All we do is grind our particular religious views into our students!"

"Who needs some fancy-shmancy cash-draining school system, anyway?" @@RANDOMNAME@@ declares from the front steps of his double-wide mobile home, shotgun in hand. "My Pa raised me and my eight brothers and three sisters without no waste of time schoolin'! My Pa taught me everythin' I need t'know, let all these whippersnappers' Mas and Pas teach 'em what they need t'know!"

---------------------------------------------------------------
#41: Software Giant Stomps on Competition [Issue by 1 Infinite Loop]

The Issue
The CEO of @@NAME@@ software, hardware, and electronic headwear giant Microcosm, Inc. has been brought before the Supreme Court for violation of antitrust laws.

The Debate
"These allegations are absolutely ludicrous!" shouts Microcosm CEO @@RANDOMNAME@@ from out the window of his 90-foot stretch limo. "Just because rival companies are incapable of producing products as brilliant as mine is no reason to punish ME! I say it's high time we abolish these idiotic antitrust laws and give big business the freedom to serve the public better. After all, I'm in this business for the people!"

"Microcosm must be shut down immediately," argues CEO of Computers, Computers, Computers! @@RANDOMNAME@@ from out the window of his clunky, exhaust-choked used car. "I can't get a foothold to compete in the market because those bigwigs in Microcosm have that foothold by the throat! It's high time the government stepped in and helped out the little man, and the best way to do that is to shut down the big, oppressive, corporate gurus in Microcosm and beyond."

"Verily, I say unto thee, none of this would have happened wouldst thou not have stopped the problem before thou didst start it," argues Brother @@RANDOMNAME@@ of the @@NAME@@ Amish community from out the window of his horse-drawn carriage. "We must doest as the Lord commandeth and abolishest the evils of computers and the Internet entirely. Only whenst we harken unto the Lord's commandments mayeth we truly be spiritually blessed."

---------------------------------------------------------------
#43: Prisoners Demand Elbow Room [Issue by Lucazmodei]

The Issue
In a display of unity that can best be described as "highly unnverving," criminals and law enforcement officials alike are up in arms about recent overcrowding within prisons in @@NAME@@.

The Debate
"I tell ya, chief... this ain't good," mutters local police chief @@RANDOMNAME@@ over his morning cup of coffee. "I see these no-good mohawk-wearin' punks every day, and they're a dangerous bunch. They gotta be locked in their mudholes forever! If we can't afford to keep 'em in prison, I say we need more money! Let's just casually shift some funding from elsewhere; after all, it ain't like our welfare program is helping keep these kids away from crime."

"How can these wayward individuals find their inner selves by staring at the walls within a stone cell?" challenges human rights activist and local prison license plate maker @@RANDOMNAME@@ "The nation's budget is absolute proof: we cannot afford prisons... strictly because of their immorality! Let these caged birds breathe the sweet air of freedom again! Shut down all prisons in @@NAME@@!"

"Now hold on just a second here," says @@RANDOMNAME@@, CEO of @@NAME@@'s most widely-known pizza delivery chain, Papa Pallocci's Pizza Pagoda. "You've got a problem with prisoners, and I've got a problem finding employees. Why don't you just send some of your criminals to Papa Pallocci's? We'll put 'em to work at lower pay as punishment for their crimes! I win, you win... the economy wins!"

---------------------------------------------------------------

Ballotonia

Hey Ballotonia, you can scrap uranium mining and General mining and leave it as just 'mining'. :)

Hey Ballotonia, you can scrap uranium mining and General mining and leave it as just 'mining'. :)

Thanks for the heads-up. At this point it'll be a while before I get to verifying those items again :)

Ballotonia

#48: Give Us Healthcare or Give Us Death! [Issue by Dictator Amanda]

The Issue
A large group of @@NAME@@'s uninsured citizens have petitioned the government to provide a universal healthcare system, citing the poor health of many low and middle-class workers. Some of the more vocal of them are threatening violence if something isn't done.

The Debate
"A universal healthcare system would provide everyone with the same quality healthcare the more wealthy and well-insured currently receive," says recently laid-off citizen and civil rights activist @@RANDOMNAME@@. "Sure, taxes would probably have to increase a bit. But isn't it worth it to provide our lower-class citizens with the same opportunities the upper-class citizens have?"

"Are you all INSANE? This will ruin the health insurance business and drive up unemployment rates," argues @@RANDOMNAME@@, head of the largest insurance provider in @@NAME@@. "If everyone working for their health insurance could suddenly get it free, there would be fewer jobs filled. It would get worse for everyone involved. The government should investigate the motives of these troublemaking 'protestors', instead!"

"Why do we have to choose either radical option?" says your Secretary of Health, @@RANDOMNAME@@. "Couldn't we just provide limited basic healthcare for our citizens and have major operations covered by private health insurance? It would be more affordable and the poor would suffer less than they do under the current system."

Hey, look! A new issue!

Scandal Rocks [your country]'s Government!

The Issue
A tabloid magazine, The National Incriminator, has revealed the sordid details of an affair between one of your top advisors, Robert Lotsalovin, and his secretary.

*blinks*

Damn, that's almost identical to the first one I submitted...

Issue # 47
The Issue
Due to the ongoing wars in neighboring countries, a recent rash of illegal immigrants have been caught at the borders of The Belmore Family, prompting many citizens to call for tighter immigration laws.

The Debate
Naki du Pont of the The Belmore Family National Purity League says "These illegal aliens are just an eyesore with their strange customs and funny languages. Uneducated immigrants like these only worsen crime and steal valuable jobs! I say we should boot them all out on their ears and put a big fence around the country!"
[Accept]


Gregory Trax of the The Belmore Family Civil Liberties Union says "We must welcome these refugees from any nation into our open arms, they are fleeing one oppressive dictatorial regime in the only way they know, we must not let them think they jumping from the frying pan into the fire!"

This is the position your government is preparing to adopt.


"Hold on there, hold on people!" says Billy Wu of the The Belmore Family Broadcasting company, "We don't have to take either extreme, all we have to do is make a TV game show out of it! We put deadly obstacles on the border and monitor it with television cameras! Those that make it across win freedom and citizenship, and those who don't, well, lets just say that our buzzards won't starve. We could call it 'Who Wants to be an Immigrant?'!"
[Accept]

Is it porn or is it art? Got it yesterday.

Is it porn or is it art? Got it yesterday.

Probably the missing #46. Did you copy the text?


Also, this one came up:


#54: Time to Put the Older Senators Out to Pasture? [Issue by Pangaa]

The Issue
Many people are starting to think that it's time to put term limits on elected officials, given the average age of 70 years old and 40 years of service in the nation's Parliament.

The Debate
"It's time to get these lifetime politicians off the government payroll!" says term-limits advocate @@RANDOMNAME@@ "Let them get real jobs like the rest of us once they leave office. Besides, if they are currently a Senator, they can always run for another office like Governor. This gives people the right to elect whomever they want to run for office, just not the same office forever. It'll keep things from going completely stale!"

"Wait a minute" says @@RANDOMNAME@@, chairman of the national Infinite Power party. "We pay a lot of money to get those people into office. It can take several terms before we get a return on our investment, I mean, candidates. We should extend the number of years for each term, not limit the number of times a person can serve in any specific office!"

Your aunt's mother's step-sister's best friend's hairstylist, @@RANDOMNAME@@, pooh-poohs the entire idea. "You know how to run your country, yes? Why deal with the hassle of elected officials and elections in the first place, yes? Eliminate elections and this entire term limit issue becomes moot, yes?"

Is it porn or is it art? Got it yesterday.

Probably the missing #46. Did you copy the text?

uhm no :oops:

I'm still waiting for these new issues. And today, I'm confronted with yet another Harry Potter controversy :cry: .

Qaaolchoura Decides:
Diving For Dollars
The Issue

Divers from a local scuba club have discovered an enormous underwater gold deposit that could be worth billions of drachauqs in one of Qaaolchoura's lakes. It has also caused a huge debate over who should be allowed to plunder the goods.
The Debate

1. Naki Longfellow, a cabinet member, would like the government to seize the deposit. "This is an excellent time to boost Qaaolchoura's economy and increase our foreign trade with other countries! Who cares about the people that discovered the deposit? They've done their country a great favor and should let us have the money!"
[Accept]

2. Faith Frederickson, a civil rights activist, vehemetley disagrees. "The deposit was found by private citizens and it should be their choice of what to do with the gold. If the government goes around stealing what is rightfully ours, then I shudder to think I live in such a corrupt country. These people discovered the gold, it's now their time to get rich! Nevermind the fact they were diving in a lake on government property!"
[Accept]

3. "We should do what now?" Environmentalist Konrad Christmas exclaims. "Do you have any idea how damaging it would be to the environment to mine the gold under that lake? Think of all the aquatic life that would be disrupted or destroyed! Think of how an otherwise pristine lake view would be ruined! Forget the gold and keep those money-grubbing pigs away from nature!"
[Accept]

If you wish, you may simply dismiss this issue.

Issue by: The Holy Empire of Nogero
Editor: Reploid Productions

To follow one of the recommendations above, simply click on the link. The Qaaolchoura government will bring in the new law overnight.

[Visit the Jennifer Government web site]

Greater Dystopia Decides:
Prisoners Demand Elbow Room
The Issue

In a display of unity that can best be described as "highly unnverving," criminals and law enforcement officials alike are up in arms about recent overcrowding within prisons in Greater Dystopia.
The Debate

1. "I tell ya, chief... this ain't good," mutters local police chief Alexei Clinton over his morning cup of coffee. "I see these no-good mohawk-wearin' punks every day, and they're a dangerous bunch. They gotta be locked in their mudholes forever! If we can't afford to keep 'em in prison, I say we need more money! Let's just casually shift some funding from elsewhere; after all, it ain't like our welfare program is helping keep these kids away from crime."
[Accept]

2. "How can these wayward individuals find their inner selves by staring at the walls within a stone cell?" challenges human rights activist and local prison license plate maker Charles Winters "The nation's budget is absolute proof: we cannot afford prisons... strictly because of their immorality! Let these caged birds breathe the sweet air of freedom again! Shut down all prisons in Greater Dystopia!"
[Accept]

3. "Now hold on just a second here," says Buffy Dodinas, CEO of Greater Dystopia's most widely-known pizza delivery chain, Papa Pallocci's Pizza Pagoda. "You've got a problem with prisoners, and I've got a problem finding employees. Why don't you just send some of your criminals to Papa Pallocci's? We'll put 'em to work at lower pay as punishment for their crimes! I win, you win... the economy wins!"
[Accept]

The Government Position

The government has yet to formalize a position on this issue.

If you wish, you may simply dismiss this issue.

Issue by: The Empire of Lucazmodei
Editor: The SLAGLands

To follow one of the recommendations above, simply click on the link. The Greater Dystopia government will bring in the new law overnight.

The Brave New Utopia Decides:
Bigtopian Protesters Cry For Full Integration
The Issue

Bigtopian activists have staged a sit-in at the largest primary school in The Brave New Utopia bringing education to a halt in a bid for integration and tolerance.
The Debate

1. "You know... it's not that we don't let them in... it's that they don't apply," murmurs Principal Gregory Utopia, nervously tugging at his shirt collar. "I mean, yeah, sure, if these Bigtopians lived around here... uh... we'd let them into the school. But... you know... this isn't exactly a Bigtopian community, you know? So... uh... could you please put a stop to these protestors? Oh, and, uh..." Here he leans forward and whispers. "...make sure those creepy Bigtopian protestors don't show up at my school again, okay?"
[Accept]

2. "The time has come for the dream of equality to be realized!" shouts noted Bigtopian rights activist Roxanne Rifkin, slamming his fist against your desk. "I see Lilliputians, Tasmanians, and Lord knows how many East Lebatuckese keeping my Bigtopian brothers holed away in their prisons of blindness and ethnic apartheid! The time has come for full integration! If these schools are going to keep us out, I say it's time we were bussed in!"
[Accept]

3. "Well, that's all well and good, but it ain't well and good enough!" screams Roger Silk, leader of Bigtopians Rising Against Totalitarianist Scum, slamming his black-gloved fist against his podium during a recent BRAT pep rally. "We ain't just bein' kept out of their schools; we're bein' kept out of their neighborhoods! The oppressive majority fears us, but they can't hold us back any longer! The government needs to integrate the community as a whole by pushing out the majority and making way for a very loud, very angry minority!"
[Accept]

The Government Position

The government has yet to formalize a position on this issue.

If you wish, you may simply dismiss this issue.

Issue by: The Principality of Grantwold
Editor: The SLAGLands

To follow one of the recommendations above, simply click on the link. The The Brave New Utopia government will bring in the new law overnight.

[Visit the Jennifer Government web site]

The advantage of having lots of puppets.

Of course about half of my pupets are on issue a day ones, and two thirds of the remaining (the ones that I cleared back issues from) goft "No Pain No Gain" :x

I see no one's reported the 'Sirocco Special' issue yet. 8)

Oh, you must mean this one Sirocco, I just got it... :)

** IMPORTANT NOTE WHEN PASTING ISSUES HERE !!!!
** INCLUDE THE ISSUE NUMBER!!!!

(without the number, I don't know where to put the issue in the list, so it'll have to stay out of the list until I get the issue myself and get the number)

Also: please don't post issues that have already been posted. Thank you.
(see the complete list on page 1)

--------------------------------------------------------------------

#46: Jennifer Government Censorship Row [Issue by Sirocco]

The Issue
A new book, Jennifer Government, by Max Barry, has been causing quite a stir in governmental offices across @@NAME@@.

The Debate
"At first I liked the book," says famous politician @@RANDOMNAME@@, "but then it clearly turned out to be just a mockery of our government! This is brainwashing our citizens into thinking that they're been governed badly. I suggest we hang, draw and quarter the author of this book and take satires off the shelves!"

"Don't be silly" says book reviewer @@RANDOMNAME@@, "it's a great book and you don't necessarily have to take the views inside seriously! If anything, there should be more satires. Maybe then, we'll get the right people in charge of this messed-up country!"

--------------------------------------------------------------------

#56: "Give Us Money!" Quoth the Poet [Issue by Ursoria]

The Issue
The National Poetry Society of @@NAME@@ is demanding government-funded programs to promote the arts, especially poetry.

The Debate
"We need government help to promote culture." says @@RANDOMNAME@@, chairperson of the National Poetry Society of @@NAME@@. "Poetry is the soul of our nation, the very pulse of humanity! We will ultimately be judged according to our contribution to artistic enlightenment. In other words, please provide funding for our humble mission to bring the beauty of poetry to the masses!"

"Artists and poets should support themselves, like everyone else," replies @@RANDOMNAME@@, spokesperson for the Capitalism Now Party. "The suffering taxpayers should be given a break. In fact, we should abolish all government subsidies for special interest groups."

"Poets--who needs them?!" scoffs @@RANDOMNAME@@, Chairperson Emeritus of the Troglodyte Coalition. "These long-haired troublemakers should all be lined up against the wall and shot! That would be far more entertaining than reading some dumb poems!"

--------------------------------------------------------------------

Ballotonia

number 57 (nice virus btw :lol: )

HC Eredivisie Decides:
Electronic Plague in HC Eredivisie!

The Issue
The malicious computer virus "DEAT.exe" is infecting nearly all the computers in HC Eredivisie and the people are crying out for the government to do something about it.

The Debate
"It's those horrible kids. Hacking in where they don't belong. You've got to give us more funding to put a stop to it," say National Police Chief Freddy O'Bannon. "Like with cars- ban kids from using computers until they pass a test and get a license!"
[Accept]


CEO Lars Spirit of CyberMirage Labs has a different idea. "Let us release SAL9000, our new AI, into the HC Eredivisie Network. It'll put a stop to this virus. Nevermind that it's still only an untested beta!"
[Accept]


"Yeah, wonderful! Fix a virus by releasing an AI that will likely turn on its creators? Are you people trying to get us all killed?!" Decries infamous technophobe Klaus Hamilton, "What do we need computers for anyway? They will only bring us trouble and disaster! Personal computers ought to be banned!"

This is the position your government is preparing to adopt.

Issue by: The Federation of Sentient Peoples
Editor: Reploid Productions

Hm...time to make more puppets. Too bad MozillaFirebird's password manager is an arse.

#52: Is it Art or is it Porn? [Issue by Imnsvale]

The Issue
Vocal members of the Moral Minority have been complaining and petitioning the government about the new art gallery displaying several provocative nude portraits by several famous artists. Moral Minority members claim these pieces of work promote prostitution and indecent sexual acts.

The Debate
"Stop my children from looking at smut! These artists are only perverts pretending to be artists! Think of the children!" says @@RANDOMNAME@@, mother of three and proud member of Mothers Promoting Purity. "These artists are only going to rouse our innocent children to commit grotesque acts of immorality! Get rid of it all!"

"Well, I see that point, but we certainly don't need to ban inoffensive art, still lifes of inanimate objects and such," says your sister, @@RANDOMNAME@@. "Perhaps we should set some guidelines for what is acceptable as art and what isn't. Artistic renditions of people getting it on are one thing. A bunch of fruit in a decorative bowl is another entirely."

"That is censorship!" says noted art history teacher @@RANDOMNAME@@. "You can't ban art! It's freedom of expression; it's part of our culture. If anything, the government should be supporting these artists and their work, not listening to these prudish whackjobs who are scared of a little bare skin!"

Taab Decides:
Scandal Rocks Taab's Government!
The Issue

A tabloid magazine, The National Incriminator, has revealed the sordid details of an affair between one of your top advisors, Robert Lotsalovin, and his secretary.
The Debate

1. "They found out I did WHAT!?" Advisor Lotsalovin says in his morning meeting in your office. "This just can't happen! How can government officials do their jobs properly if we have to work under the constant scrutiny of these idiotic supermarket tabloids? I say tabloid newspapers must be banned, and we must not allow newspapers to speak ill of our government officials... for the good of Taab, of course.."
[Accept]

2. "Unbelievable!" says Reverend Anne-Marie Steele of the local Catholic church. "Our government officials must be held to a higher standard than this! Mr. Lotsalovin must be removed from office and jailed. We cannot allow such disgusting corruption within the halls of justice!"
[Accept]

3. "Whoa, whoa, hey, now..." argues Senator Thomas Spirit. "What happened to Mr. Lostalovin is no different than affairs that happen all over Taab every day! Before you know it, they'll be after YOUR sexual history! I think what we need to do is take the public attention off of it somehow, perhaps by... oh, I don't know... giving them a tax cut! That'll divert their attention from this momentary distraction just long enough for Mr. Lotsalovin's divorce process to end!"
[Accept]

The Government Position

The government has yet to formalize a position on this issue.

If you wish, you may simply dismiss this issue.

Issue by: The Emerald Heights of The SLAGLands
Editor: The SLAGLands

** IMPORTANT NOTE WHEN PASTING ISSUES HERE !!!!
** INCLUDE THE ISSUE NUMBER!!!!

(without the number, I don't know where to put the issue in the list, so it'll have to stay out of the list until I get the issue myself and get the number)

Also: please don't post issues that have already been posted. Thank you.
(see the complete list on page 1)

Max Barry wants to kill himself?

On the length of term one: which would increase politicial freedoms?

How long after you submit an issue will you get an acceptance telegram? (assuming it gets accepted)

You get an acceptance telegram when the issue has finished being coded. Right now, this could take a while because there's an enormous backlog.

I mean, how many days: two, three, four?

#55

Bigtopian Protesters Cry For Full Integration

The Issue
Bigtopian activists have staged a sit-in at the largest primary school in New Genoa 2 bringing education to a halt in a bid for integration and tolerance.

The Debate
"You know... it's not that we don't let them in... it's that they don't apply," murmurs Principal Alexei Utopia, nervously tugging at his shirt collar. "I mean, yeah, sure, if these Bigtopians lived around here... uh... we'd let them into the school. But... you know... this isn't exactly a Bigtopian community, you know? So... uh... could you please put a stop to these protestors? Oh, and, uh..." Here he leans forward and whispers. "...make sure those creepy Bigtopian protestors don't show up at my school again, okay?"
[Accept]


"The time has come for the dream of equality to be realized!" shouts noted Bigtopian rights activist Buy Jefferson, slamming his fist against your desk. "I see Lilliputians, Tasmanians, and Lord knows how many East Lebatuckese keeping my Bigtopian brothers holed away in their prisons of blindness and ethnic apartheid! The time has come for full integration! If these schools are going to keep us out, I say it's time we were bussed in!"
[Accept]


"Well, that's all well and good, but it ain't well and good enough!" screams Al McAlpin, leader of Bigtopians Rising Against Totalitarianist Scum, slamming his black-gloved fist against his podium during a recent BRAT pep rally. "We ain't just bein' kept out of their schools; we're bein' kept out of their neighborhoods! The oppressive majority fears us, but they can't hold us back any longer! The government needs to integrate the community as a whole by pushing out the majority and making way for a very loud, very angry minority!"
[Accept]
The Government Position
The government has yet to formalize a position on this issue.

If you wish, you may simply dismiss this issue.

Issue by: The Principality of Grantwold
Editor: The SLAGLands

I mean, how many days: two, three, four?

Could be MUCH longer I'm afraid... we're still working on July's issues I think...

I mean, how many days: two, three, four?

Could be MUCH longer I'm afraid... we're still working on July's issues I think... :shock:

I'd have to double check, but the current issues backlog makes the tasklist at its worst look like a cake walk. The tasklist's worst is some 200 or so backlogged complaints. The submitted issues list is at like, 3,000 or so. :shock:

If it's decided not to accecpt one of our issues, do we get a rejection TG?

If it's decided not to accecpt one of our issues, do we get a rejection TG?
Far as I'm aware, there is no rejection telegram- likely because there are a number of reasons an issue would be rejected- irrelevancy, atrocious grammar, nonsensical suggestions, incomplete submissions, etc.

incomplete submissions
Damn. I forgot to add a relevant sentence to the validity section in an issue I submitted yesterday. :(

*crosses fingers hoping a game mod approves some of his backlogged issues*

I'd have to double check, but the current issues backlog makes the tasklist at its worst look like a cake walk. The tasklist's worst is some 200 or so backlogged complaints. The submitted issues list is at like, 3,000 or so. :shock:

Come on people, we players can get this up to five digits! :twisted:

Serious question: what's the acceptance rate, you guess? 1 in 20? 1 in 50? more? less?

Ballotonia

Try to make the issue interesting enough to catch the mod's eye. The snappier the title, the more chance it'll be looked at. :wink:

New one received today:

#58:

Violent Violetists Demand Blood!

The Issue
Members of a new weird religious cult, called the Order of Violet, ask for the government to appease their mighty god by offering Her a sacrifice of the human variety.

The Debate
"What have we got to lose?" says religious freedoms advocate Beth Dodinas. "Just cut up a few homeless folk- it appeases this group's bloodthirsty Goddess, gets rid of unsightly bums that drain welfare, and everybody goes home happy."
[Accept]


"We must go much further than a few beggars!" argues the overzealous High Member of the Order of Violet, Zeke du Pont. "You must pass a law that everyone’s first born child must be slaughtered, on live TV if possible. Think of the viewing figures!"
[Accept]


"You aren't going to listen to these whackjob Violetists, are you?" comments Melbourne Shiomi while leading a prayer group. "Human sacrifices! Surely we're too civilized to permit such barbaric practices! These lunatic fringe groups should be outlawed, their leaders should be executed!"
[Accept]


"Who's being a lunatic?" retorts Naki Steele of the Marimaia Humanitarian Society. "I agree that these practices ought to be outlawed, but instead of sinking to the same level of these fanatics and killing our fellow people, why not simply start a re-education program? Even the worst person can be rehabilitated into a useful member of society, with enough time, care, and lots and lots of funding!"
[Accept]
The Government Position
The government has yet to formalize a position on this issue.

If you wish, you may simply dismiss this issue.

Issue by: The People's Republic of Total n Utter Insanity
Editor: Reploid Productions


--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

:D

1 out of 2 not bad.

:D

1 out of 2 not bad.

I just got it now on my puppet of Nokhcheav.

melike :P

Issue #61

Should the Government Grant Estates and Titles of Nobility?

Submitted by Leptonia
Edited by SalusaSecondus

The Issue
A peculiar confederacy of small-government advocates, regular attendees at @@NAME@@'s annual Medieval Faire, and the super rich have demanded that the government grant estates and confer titles of nobility upon certain influential persons.

The Debate
"Of course I should be appointed as the Duke of @@NATION@@ City," says multi-billionaire @@RANDOMNAME@@. "Not only would it be an apt reward for my contributions to @@NATION@@, but the citizens who become landed serfs on my estate would work harder than they ever have in all their lives." Adds small-government advocate @@RANDOMNAME@@, "Government would at last return to the local level, close to the people and the land to which they would be bound for life."
[Accept]


"I can't believe I'm hearing this," exclaims noted civil rights advocate @@RANDOMNAME@@. "Those who are behind this espouse a system that grants inordinate amounts of institutional power to the rich and ensures that no one will be able to climb the social ladder. Everyone in society must be granted an equal opportunity to succeed or fail. Say 'no' to a nobility!"
[Accept]


"I think both of the other parties are taking this issue to the extreme," argues a learned elderly gentleman resting on a park bench. "All that's being advocated is giving those who have contributed to their nation a ceremonial title and a bit of land. Besides," he adds, "the government can tax their estate."
[Accept]


"A good day to thee, milord," counters @@RANDOMNAME@@, an amateur Medieval Faire actor dressed in period costume, "I would suggest that thou hasten thyself to spectate at the jousting competition this forenoon. Aye, quite a bout we have arrayed for thee this day. However, the whole affair could be much grander if only we received a few more gold crownes from the government. Aye, 'twould be a grand tourney of knightly skill and courage indeed!"
[Accept]

<snip>
Why do I have a dozen puppets for issue catching, and you only have like three or four, and yet you have gotten to hear about the new issues before the rest of us. :P

<snip>
Why do I have a dozen puppets for issue catching, and you only have like three or four, and yet you have gotten to hear about the new issues before the rest of us. :P

I actually have 13 nations. I just keep most of them secret.

:twisted:

And that one actually went to Goobergunchia...at first I thought it was somehow recognizing capitals because "Goobergunchia City" sounds a lot like "Goobergunch City", which is my capital.

I have 50 something odd at the moment, but most of them are on vacation.

I'm surwe when I get that one my first reaction will be: "where on the earth is 'Qaaolchoura City', as my capital is Shaou'l'aeoe (as far as I know, "Qaaolchoura City" does not exist).

I just got that one, a 'Liverpool England City' - very close to my capital City Centre of Liverpool.

#62: Oh, the Angst!

The Issue
In response to rising rates of depression related suicides, mental health groups have called for government funding to help support treatment programs, citing various surveys that indicate psychological disorders are often an overlooked problem.

The Debate
"Although it is often dismissed as an irrelevant complaint, depression is a real disease, it isn't just 'all in your head'" says @@RANDOMNAME@@, depression sufferer. "Depression has significant effects on groups and individuals, especially amongst teenagers. Every day, more and more people commit suicide because of this disease, but this could all be stopped if this country had a decent level of funding for support and public awareness programs."

"Screw them," @@RANDOMNAME@@, talkback radio host, stated yesterday. "Depression isn't a disease, it's just another example of today's youth finding something to complain about. Life's never been better. In fact, just yesterday, I bought my fourth BMW. And even if it is as serious as the bleeding hearts claim, then I say we leave it and cut some of the funding being wasted on these head cases. If a few whingers jump off a bridge, it'll be good for the genepool. Natural selection, my friends. It's a great thing."

"Actually, a lot of depression cases in teens are related to school and all the stress and pressure young people are under to succeed. A greater effort to correct the problem of depression should start there, with more funding so that schools can provide better counseling programs." Comments Dr. @@RANDOMNAME@@, author of the book "Tomato Soup for the Soul". "That way teens who are depressed can get help even if their parents can't or won't take them to see a psychologist."

Also added:

#64: Put the "Board" Back in Board of Education [Issue by Curia]


Still looking for #53, and now also #63

Ballotonia

63 (http://www.nationstates.net/forum/viewtopic.php?t=85317)

#66: Transsexual Demands Recognition in Chosen Gender[Issue by Melmond]

The Issue

After the tabloid magazine "The Bun" outed a supermodel to have been born male, the state has anulled her marriage to her husband.

The Debate
"I have gone through 20 years of internal pain about my external appearance and I put so much effort and money into finally having the world see the real me!" says transsexual activist Elizabeth King. "The government needs to recognize my true gender as well as cover the surgeries and medicines needed to get me where I am today!"

"Transsexuals are delusional if they think they will ever be members of their gender they wish they were." says right-wing radio show host May Wu. "It is a biological fact that our gender is determined by our chromosomes, anyone who tries to act like the gender they are not should be immediately arrested and taken to a psychiatrist!"

"You know everyone, gender isn't a black and white proposition," states self-identified "genderqueer" Freddy Chicago "There are XX males, XY females, and many people who have ambigious sexual characteristics or just don't feel they belong in the category male or female, the government must recognize our existence!"

Wow, that's quick. I only approved the issue a couple of hours ago.

#66: Transsexual Demands Recognition in Chosen Gender[Issue by Melmond]

The Issue

After the tabloid magazine "The Bun" outed a supermodel to have been born male, the state has anulled her marriage to her husband.

The Debate
"I have gone through 20 years of internal pain about my external appearance and I put so much effort and money into finally having the world see the real me!" says transsexual activist Elizabeth King. "The government needs to recognize my true gender as well as cover the surgeries and medicines needed to get me where I am today!"

"Transsexuals are delusional if they think they will ever be members of their gender they wish they were." says right-wing radio show host May Wu. "It is a biological fact that our gender is determined by our chromosomes, anyone who tries to act like the gender they are not should be immediately arrested and taken to a psychiatrist!"

"You know everyone, gender isn't a black and white proposition," states self-identified "genderqueer" Freddy Chicago "There are XX males, XY females, and many people who have ambigious sexual characteristics or just don't feel they belong in the category male or female, the government must recognize our existence!"

Wish I'd get THIS issue!!
Hats off to Melmond...I shoulda thought of this one myself!!
Yay Option Number One!!
Hugs for Melmond!!

Now when do I get to see one of MY issues??
Particularly, the Political Redistricting issue?? I need to see one of my issues.... :cry: :cry: :cry:

I've seen the re-districting one in the pile, Lab. What that means is, of course, precisely nothing, but at least it hasn't been given the flick.

I've seen the re-districting one in the pile, Lab. What that means is, of course, precisely nothing, but at least it hasn't been given the flick.

Awesome...hopefully, it will soon be "vetted." I really love that issue.

YES! Mama mia, oh YES! I think this was the first or second issue I submitted, so there's still more to come(I hope)! Weeee!

#68: Ornery Overcrowding Problem[Issue by Frigben]

The Issue

A survey recently released by the @@NAME@@ Housing Authority indicates that the country's burgeoning population is rapidly leading to a housing crisis as families find themselves crammed into increasingly cramped living spaces

The Debate

"What we need are more high rises, whether low-cost or fancy condos," says demographic expert @@RANDOMNAME@@. "They're efficient, waste little land, and wouldn't you love to wake up to the bright cheery sky in front of you every morning? Of course, there's the problem of higher contagious disease transmission, but I'm sure our health system is robust enough for that. Not to mention all the jobs these new buildings will bring."

"All these industrial factories take up so much space," argues social welfare commentator @@RANDOMNAME@@. "The fact is, not only do they pollute, but they hog land that is better used for low-cost housing. Studies show that apartments are just too cramped for people to be comfortable in. We would be a lot better off in simple one-storey houses. Especially if they're subsidised by the government."

"This raises an interesting issue," says @@RANDOMNAME@@, staunch supporter of birth control. "And that is: why do we need to build more housing anyway? Why don't we just limit the amount of children one family can have? Besides, pregnancy causes all sorts of complications. We're better off with less of it anyway."

Congrats Frigben!!

Ballotonia

congrats, Frigben...now let's hope some of MINE get in there...i'm really getting upset here...
I worked hard on my issues, and I don't see any of them yet...
sniff, sniff, whimper, cry... :cry: :cry: :cry:

Whips, Chains, and Leather, oh my!

The Issue:
An organized crowd of leather-clad individuals, some of whom are on leashes, are protesting against discrimination for those who share their interests.

The Debate:
1: "We happen to express our love differently, with different hobbies and activities," explains BDSM enthusiast Jack Jong-Il, while wearing needle-sharp spiked heels and holding a whip. "Shops exist to cater to the needs of 'normal' people, but do you have ANY idea how hard it is to get a quality whip? A little support for our hobbies would be appreciated!"

2: "Yeah," exclaims May Hendrikson, another enthusiast, wearing nothing but a collar, "and like other couples, we want the right to display our affection in public. If Master wants to take me walkies in public, he should be able to."

3: Lars Longbottom dissents wholeheartedly. "This is not about showing affection--this is about moral decency. Think of the children, for God's sake! Think of the children! We must criminalize and eliminate this perversion to keep them safe. Which of course means a special task force to track down and capture these cretins!"

The Government Position:
The government has indicated its intention to follow the recommendations of Option 1.






------------------------------------


"Give Us Money!" Quoth the Poet

The Issue:
The National Poetry Society of Rapid Dr3am is demanding government-funded programs to promote the arts, especially poetry.

The Debate:
1: "We need government help to promote culture." says Hack Jong-Il, chairperson of the National Poetry Society of Rapid Dr3am. "Poetry is the soul of our nation, the very pulse of humanity! We will ultimately be judged according to our contribution to artistic enlightenment. In other words, please provide funding for our humble mission to bring the beauty of poetry to the masses!"

2: "Artists and poets should support themselves, like everyone else," replies Zeke McGuffin, spokesperson for the Capitalism Now Party. "The suffering taxpayers should be given a break. In fact, we should abolish all government subsidies for special interest groups."

3: "Poets--who needs them?!" scoffs George W. Clinton, Chairperson Emeritus of the Troglodyte Coalition. "These long-haired troublemakers should all be lined up against the wall and shot! That would be far more entertaining than reading some dumb poems!"

The Government Position:
The government has indicated its intention to follow the recommendations of Option 1.




------------------------------


Scandal Rocks Rapid Dr3am's Government!

The Issue:
A tabloid magazine, The National Incriminator, has revealed the sordid details of an affair between one of your top advisors, Robert Lotsalovin, and his secretary.

The Debate:
1: "They found out I did WHAT!?" Advisor Lotsalovin says in his morning meeting in your office. "This just can't happen! How can government officials do their jobs properly if we have to work under the constant scrutiny of these idiotic supermarket tabloids? I say tabloid newspapers must be banned, and we must not allow newspapers to speak ill of our government officials... for the good of Rapid Dr3am, of course.."

2: "Unbelievable!" says Reverend Buffy Bush of the local Catholic church. "Our government officials must be held to a higher standard than this! Mr. Lotsalovin must be removed from office and jailed. We cannot allow such disgusting corruption within the halls of justice!"

3: "Whoa, whoa, hey, now..." argues Senator Johan Shiomi. "What happened to Mr. Lotsalovin is no different than affairs that happen all over Rapid Dr3am every day! Before you know it, they'll be after YOUR sexual history! I think what we need to do is take the public attention off of it somehow, perhaps by... oh, I don't know... giving them a tax cut! That'll divert their attention from this momentary distraction just long enough for Mr. Lotsalovin's divorce process to end!"

The Government Position:
The government has indicated its intention to follow the recommendations of Option 3.


---------------------------------

Violent Violetists Demand Blood!

The Issue:
Members of a new weird religious cult, called the Order of Violet, ask for the government to appease their mighty god by offering Her a sacrifice of the human variety.

The Debate:
1: "What have we got to lose?" says religious freedoms advocate May Love. "Just cut up a few homeless folk- it appeases this group's bloodthirsty Goddess, gets rid of unsightly bums that drain welfare, and everybody goes home happy."

2: "We must go much further than a few beggars!" argues the overzealous High Member of the Order of Violet, Falala Dodinas. "You must pass a law that everyone’s first born child must be slaughtered, on live TV if possible. Think of the viewing figures!"

3: "You aren't going to listen to these whackjob Violetists, are you?" comments Beth Christmas while leading a prayer group. "Human sacrifices! Surely we're too civilized to permit such barbaric practices! These lunatic fringe groups should be outlawed, their leaders should be executed!"

4: "Who's being a lunatic?" retorts Beth Washington of the Rapid Dr3am Humanitarian Society. "I agree that these practices ought to be outlawed, but instead of sinking to the same level of these fanatics and killing our fellow people, why not simply start a re-education program? Even the worst person can be rehabilitated into a useful member of society, with enough time, care, and lots and lots of funding!"

The Government Position:
The government has indicated its intention to follow the recommendations of Option 4.



-----------------------------------


Oh, the Angst!

The Issue:
In response to rising rates of depression related suicides, mental health groups have called for government funding to help support treatment programs, citing various surveys that indicate psychological disorders are often an overlooked problem.

The Debate:
1: "Although it is often dismissed as an irrelevant complaint, depression is a real disease, it isn't just 'all in your head'" says Hope du Pont, depression sufferer. "Depression has significant effects on groups and individuals, especially amongst teenagers. Every day, more and more people commit suicide because of this disease, but this could all be stopped if this country had a decent level of funding for support and public awareness programs."

2: "Screw them," Falala Washington, talkback radio host, stated yesterday. "Depression isn't a disease, it's just another example of today's youth finding something to complain about. Life's never been better. In fact, just yesterday, I bought my fourth BMW. And even if it is as serious as the bleeding hearts claim, then I say we leave it and cut some of the funding being wasted on these head cases. If a few whingers jump off a bridge, it'll be good for the genepool. Natural selection, my friends. It's a great thing."

3: "Actually, a lot of depression cases in teens are related to school and all the stress and pressure young people are under to succeed. A greater effort to correct the problem of depression should start there, with more funding so that schools can provide better counseling programs." Comments Dr. Beth Wong, author of the book "Tomato Soup for the Soul". "That way teens who are depressed can get help even if their parents can't or won't take them to see a psychologist."

The Government Position:
The government has indicated its intention to follow the recommendations of Option 3.



-------------------------------------


Time to Put the Older Senators Out to Pasture?

The Issue:
Many people are starting to think that it's time to put term limits on elected officials, given the average age of 70 years old and 40 years of service in the nation's Parliament.

The Debate:
1: "It's time to get these lifetime politicians off the government payroll!" says term-limits advocate Alexei Shiomi "Let them get real jobs like the rest of us once they leave office. Besides, if they are currently a Senator, they can always run for another office like Governor. This gives people the right to elect whomever they want to run for office, just not the same office forever. It'll keep things from going completely stale!"

2: "Wait a minute" says Naki Wu, chairman of the national Infinite Power party. "We pay a lot of money to get those people into office. It can take several terms before we get a return on our investment, I mean, candidates. We should extend the number of years for each term, not limit the number of times a person can serve in any specific office!"

3: Your aunt's mother's step-sister's best friend's hairstylist, Miranda Li, pooh-poohs the entire idea. "You know how to run your country, yes? Why deal with the hassle of elected officials and elections in the first place, yes? Eliminate elections and this entire term limit issue becomes moot, yes?"

The Government Position:
The government has indicated its intention to follow the recommendations of Option 1.



------------------------------------------


Supreme Court Nomination

The Issue:
The death of 108 year old Supreme Court Justice Naki Spirit has created an opening on the bench. Below are the possible nominees.

The Debate:
1: Alexei Utopia, the Former CEO of Rapid Dr3am Products, says "I have long sat by and watched our government vicously attack the big businesses in this country. The government has no right to control businesses and I will adopt that position in all of my judgements."

2: Reverend Peggy Clinton is nominee #2. The Reverend says "I am sick and tired of the liberals in this country ruining our family values. Every day they assault our basic sense of decency. You must vote for me to keep our families safe. Think of the children!!"

3: Gay Activist and former Senator Chastity Falopian is nominee #3. "Our people aren't happy, we need more freedom, we need more civil rights. We must keep the government out of the bedroom. We must respect peoples right to privacy and remember that personal relations are just that, personal."

4: Environmental Activist Colin Longbottom argues, "Our government has been constantly violating mother earth and her rights, all our politicians talk about are civil rights, civil rights this, civil rights that, blah blah blah, we aren't important, what is important is the earth!"

5: The last nominee is the retired Five Star General Falala Christmas. "We are ridiculed throughout the international community for our low quality weaponry, our police and military numbers are not sufficient. Our military must be protected from both constitutional and civilian oversight. They should be given money, and a free hand."

6: Finally, a tomato flies by your head flung by an angry protester. "We want to elect our own judges!. This is a democracy! More power to the people! We don't want a lapdog! Seperation of Powers! Get the government out of the judicial system!" He chucks another tomato at you before security escorts him out of your private office.

The Government Position:
The government has indicated its intention to follow the recommendations of Option 3.

** IMPORTANT NOTE WHEN POSTING ISSUES HERE !!!!
** INCLUDE THE ISSUE NUMBER !!!!
** DON'T POSTE ISSUES ALREADY THERE !!!!

Without the number, I don't know where to put the issue in the list, so it'll have to stay out of the list until I get the issue myself and get the number. You can figure out the number by looking at the URL for the issue page (open in a separate browser window, or hover over the link with your mouse pointer and see the bottom of the browser window)

Also: please don't post issues that have already been posted. Thank you.
(see the complete list on page 1)

Why has the flow of new issues stopped? Are they that bad?

Better question...
Why have none of MY issues been put up yet...I worked VERY HARD on them...I'm getting really upset here....

Labrador, when did you first submit your issues? My issue that was accepted was submitted a few days after the submission system was put in place, if not the same day itself. I'll be pretty happy if only one more of my issues sees the light of day(not saying I'd object if more were accepted. :roll:), since even though I worked hard on them, there is probably an overlap(someone else submitted a similar one before me, or someone submitted a better one dealing with the same issue), or it's just not feasible to implement. Don't give up hope. The mods are probably still working hard on reviewing issues.

Issue #67

Most Likely To Secede

The Issue
A group of bearded militiamen have recently declared rural Aaron Winters County a sovereign and independent nation! La Christiania's talk radio pundits demand immediate government action.

The Debate
"Gov'mint's not workin' fo' folks 'round here," says Peggy Falopian, a turnip farmer, "We have ourselves a guar-un-teed right to form a gov'mint that works for us. We don't want any confrontation, now, we just want to shake hands and let ya'll get along with yer business while we get along with ours."
[Accept]


"I can't believe this!" shouts General Bill Sherman. "This is tantamount to treason! Our political system would collapse if whole territories were allowed to leave at any time. It would be chaos! I propose that you let me take care of the problem...permanently."
[Accept]


"Perhaps we can reach a suitable middle ground," says an elderly gentleman resting on a park bench, "If we were to bring government close to the people, and allow them to have a modicum of self-determination, perhaps they wouldn't feel the need to cede. Let's give the local governments more power."
[Accept]


"Our last caller made a really good point," says talk radio host Hope Hamilton, "These decent, hard working citizens are clearly being brainwashed by La Christiania Public Radio's prattle. I don't want my tax dollars supporting their agenda. Therefore, the answer is clear: dismantle La Christiania Public Radio."
[Accept]

Excellent, thank you!

Could you please see who created this issue? That way I can give that nation proper credit in the list. Also, is 'Aaron Winters County' a variable? It looks like it might be a @@RANDOMNAME@@. Pleaes just look at the issue again and see if it still says the same thing :)

Ballotonia

Oh yeah sure, no problem
The county name is a @@RANDOMNAME@@, now it's Stephanie Broadside, and the creator was The Confederacy of Leptonia (edited by SalusaSecondus). Enjoy :)

Labrador, when did you first submit your issues? My issue that was accepted was submitted a few days after the submission system was put in place, if not the same day itself. I'll be pretty happy if only one more of my issues sees the light of day(not saying I'd object if more were accepted. :roll:), since even though I worked hard on them, there is probably an overlap(someone else submitted a similar one before me, or someone submitted a better one dealing with the same issue), or it's just not feasible to implement. Don't give up hope. The mods are probably still working hard on reviewing issues.

I submitted shortly after the submission system went up. four different issues.
So far, none have seen the light of day :cry: :cry:
I submitted before the news item that said they had 650 issues backed up...
And other people are getting THEIR issues out...but I'm not...and I am getting more than a little upset by this.
I WANT MY RECOGNITION!!!!
I WORKED HARD ON MY ISSUES!!
Waaaaaaaaaaaaa.........

I have some good issues that could be discussed. come visit my website to view some of the issues and then discuss them on here

<link removed>

EDIT BY REPLOID PRODUCTIONS: Posting Outwar and similiar online games on Nationstates is against the rules. Cease and desist.

I have some good issues that could be discussed. come visit my website to view some of the issues and then discuss them on here

<link removed>

MODALERT - Outwar links are verboten.

I would like to ask the mods to approve a private enterprise enabler issue. I'm sure there are lots of nations which would like to see their private sectors legalized.

I would like to ask the mods to approve a private enterprise enabler issue. I'm sure there are lots of nations which would like to see their private sectors legalized.

MODALERT - please split.

If you want to have this issue, write one and send it in!

#70: Purge the Infidels! [Issue by SalusaSecondus]

The Issue

The fanatical religious organization @@NAME@@'s Concerned Citizens for Our God has brought it to your attention that there are many non-believers in your nation, and that they think something should be done about this.

The Debate

"We already have an official religion." Says @@RANDOMNAME@@, the white cloaked spokesperson for @@NATION@@'s Concerned Citizens. "Why not enforce it? After all the only way to Heaven is through US and Our God. If they will not believe in Our Loving and Forgiving God they must be PUT TO DEATH, in His mercy . . . "
[Accept]

"Put to death? Is this really the type of person you want to listen to?" Says @@RANDOMNAME@@. "Everyday I thank God that I'm an agnostic and don't need to believe this nonsense. Religion shouldn't have anything to do with our government. You should get rid of it immediately!"
[Accept]

"They're right, religion shouldn't have a role in our government, but they don't go far enough." Says @@RANDOMNAME@@ at a local AA (Atheists Anonymous) meeting. "Few things have caused more death and suffering in this world than religion. Just look at the Crusades and the Jihads throughout history! This should be treated like the mental disorder it is. Remember, religion teaches intolerance, and we cannot accept that!"
[Accept]

"Oh Lord, please don't let our noble leader listen to these extremists!" prays your religious advisor, @@RANDOMNAME@@. "Religion is an important guiding force in peoples lives, but we have no right to force it on people. But atheists, since they don't have a religion, are less ethical, their actions will cost society more, so lets tax them to make up the loss."
[Accept]


-----
Issue by: The Omnipotent Modling Realm of SalusaSecondus
Editor: Reploid Productions


It still needs some slight editing in the grammar department, though...

Rondebosch.

I've got another one:

Issue Number 69
Power Problems Need Bright Solution

The Issue
The oldest powerstation in La Christiania suffered catastrophic failure last night, plunging a third of La Christiania's national power supply grid into darkness. There is no debate that it needs to be replaced, but the question is with what?

The Debate
"The solution is clear," says environmental activist Violet Dredd. "Wind turbines and solar power stations are the cleanest there are. We must switch power production to forms of renewable energy, that will never run out. The only minor problems are that wind farms will take up a great deal of space and of course we can't exactly rely on the weather. It isn't as though we control it. But think of how much healthier people will be without all that pollution!"
[Accept]


"Wind power? Solar collectors? Bah! Have you ever wondered when the least amount of strain is placed on the national grid? WHEN THE SUN IS SHINING!" exclaims Southern La Christiania Electra official Zeke Longfellow "We need power under our control, and cheaply. Coal has been the cheapest and most abundant power source for ages. We don't need this airy fairy wind malarky when we have cheap and reliable power available for all. True, pollution will be a bit on the heavy side but I'm sure that's only a minor problem, with how well funded our health system is!"
[Accept]


"Now the way I see it is that it's either green, expensive, and sprawling; or compact, polluting and cheap. Wouldn't it be nice if we had the best of both worlds, well, we can!" claims fission technician Prudence McGuffin "Nuclear power is reliable, clean and although it isn't cheap, it won't break the bank. There is a risk of deadly meltdown, but this is relativly small, and the only people who could be against this are anti-nuclear protesters, but what do we care about those tree-hugging hippies?"
[Accept]

Issue by Plumbumia
Edited by Reploid Productions

BTW - Ballotonia: are you still collecting name variables for the random names, or have you given up?

BTW - Ballotonia: are you still collecting name variables for the random names, or have you given up?

I've postponed that until next week. I'm not so much 'collecting' names as that it basically means I'll spend some time next week repetitively reloading an issue with a lot of names in it and hence collecting a lot of the possible names. A little basic math will then tell me when I can stop and that I'm likely to have gotten them all ;)

Ofcourse, if you wish to do that instead, be my guest.

Ballotonia

I've been starting to collect info on a number of variables (why do I do this? I do not know...), although not really names, yet, since the list is rather large and the task is daunting. LOL.

I think I'll leave the names to you, and just add any missing ones if I see them.

It still needs some slight editing in the grammar department, though...

Rondebosch.

Sigh, You know both Rep and I proof read it carefully. I would have submitted it myself (after having others proof it), except last time that happened a mod got (I feel) undeserved flack. Yes, we miss things. Hopefully none too bad? Report them over in the typos thread and they'll get taken care of. I'm still a tad worried regarding one of the effects, I'm grabbing [violet] to check it later.

#71: Minority Group Demands Language Recognition [Issue by Pragmas]

The Issue
A group several thousands strong hailing from a remote, isolated corner of @@NAME@@ is staging a massive demonstration on the front steps of your capitol. They demand that their local dialect be recognized as an official language.

The Debate
1. @@RANDOMNAME@@, your Minister of Culture, has nothing but disdain for the demonstrators. "The language of @@NAME@@ is as important to our national identity as our history is. A truly erudite individual uses perfect grammar and refuses to speak as those ruffians do." Your Finance Minister is quick to chime in as well, "If business is required to print every road sign, instruction manual, and fast-food wrapper in two languages, it would increase everybody's overhead. That means higher prices for the person in the street."

2. "Smarker, but ee's gone blongie 'round the clonger! Trandy in the blang warked a newtie on the Cheebers, quaff me a duggle if it's brine. Sorky, hang our trandy high!" says @@RANDOMNAME@@, speaking for the demonstrators, in an apparently rousing response that draws a cascade of cheers. After a few uncomfortable minutes with a professional translator, you find the speaker said, "I respectfully disagree with the Minister. Multilingualism has brought stability to richly-cultured nations such as Brancaland; indeed, I challenge you to provide a single counterexample. I encourage this government to adopt a policy of multilingualism throughout @@NAME@@!"

3. @@RANDOMNAME@@, a radical opposition member who seems to tag along to every demonstration she can find, has her own proposal. "The language barrier is keeping us all apart. What @@NAME@@ needs is a new identity defined by a new language that we can all agree on. That's unity without favoritism."

It still needs some slight editing in the grammar department, though...

Rondebosch.

Sigh, You know both Rep and I proof read it carefully. I would have submitted it myself (after having others proof it), except last time that happened a mod got (I feel) undeserved flack. Yes, we miss things. Hopefully none too bad? Report them over in the typos thread and they'll get taken care of. I'm still a tad worried regarding one of the effects, I'm grabbing [violet] to check it later.

No worries - I didn't mean it as a dig at you (or Rep, or anyone else for that matter). It's just that because I do this for a living (copy editing and IT journalism) I have a rather keen eye for these things, and can get a little pedantic about it. I understand that my level of English in these matters is a little excessive compared to most people. It's an unfortunate knock-on effect of my job, and I can't switch it off (it makes reading some books, that aren't written too well from a "the construction of English" point of view, very difficult for me, which sucks). There's actually nothing serious in the text (although I can't speak for the effects), just some minor things. I'll submit my suggested corrections in the other thread sometime soon.

[edit - typo...]

#76
Suits in Protest

The Issue
Thousands of business men and women have taken to the streets in protest of their working conditions and pay. "It's not fair that we can't have a union," says @@RANDOMNAME@@, VP of Sales at SlothCorp. "Just because we make six figures doesn't mean we don't deserve overtime too! It's high time that the lower classes come to appreciate our hard efforts."

The Debate
@@RANDOMNAME@@, secretary of commerce, recommends you ignore these commies. "Free enterprise means not having to succumb to unions, and the world has enough unions already."

@@RANDOMNAME@@, secretary of labor, advises you to adjust laws to allow white-collar unions. "It only makes sense that all of workers in our nation have equal opportunity to benefit from the advantages of collective bargaining."

"Get these people out of the street!" advises @@RANDOMNAME@@, local police chief. "They're blocking traffic, and making it impossible for the common man to drive to the megamall!"

Finally, Right Reverend @@RANDOMNAME@@ proclaims, "The downtrodden are suffering at the hands of the MAN, and these wealthy upper shelf vice presidents are asking to make the rich richer and the poor poorer! The only reason the common worker needs a union is to be able to fight against the oppression of these slave drivers! It's ludicrous that these greedy scrooges are asking for even MORE money! Send them packing and raise taxes on the wealthy to bring more equality to our nation!"

Issue by: The Dictatorship of Xibonia
Editor: SalusaSecondus

(Issue 76)
"Get these people out of the street!" advises @@RANDOMNAME@@, local police chief. "They're blocking traffic, and making it impossible for the common man to drive to the megamall!"

ROTFL! Nice.

Issue 73 (I think, at least this number appears when you view the propreties of the page.)

@@NAME@@ - Without Cars, Going Nowhere Fast

The Issue
Ever since the government banned automobiles, furious soccer moms and commuters have been petitioning the government to revoke the ban, citing any number of troubles people have had without their cars.

The Debate
"The government was being utterly stupid in banning cars, especially at the whim of a bunch of nutjob, tree-hugging bicyclists!" cries @@RANDOMNAME@@, CEO of Coo' Stuff, Inc. "My workers are constantly late, they don't work as much because they have to leave early to walk or bike home... leaving this ban in place will only murder the economy!"

"Well, it's extremely difficult to drive my son to and from school and his after-school sports." comments soccer mom @@RANDOMNAME@@. "But I don't want my boy inhaling all those icky fumes. I say bring back cars, but put some effort into finding cleaner fuels and the like! Who cares if it costs a small fortune?"

"What do they know?" whispers a strange woman clad all in green. "You ought to clamp down on these protesters. Without cars, the people are much easier for you to control, are they not?"

Issues added to the list:

#73: @@NAME@@ - Without Cars, Going Nowhere Fast [Issue by Reploid Productions]
#74: @@NAME@@'s Racers Growing Fast and Furious [Issue by Nascar Thunder]
#75: Cutting Off Sex Offenders? [Issue by Istar]
#76: Suits in Protest [Issue by Xibonia]

We seem to have skipped/missed #72.

Ballotonia

And #53 and #65. Nations should be getting those ones.

Actually, I just found a typo in earlier issues preventing #53 from being received.

I guess this is a special one for today. :)

#77: World to End, or Possibly Just Mark Anniversary

The Issue

Along with the rest of the world, the citizens of @@NAME@@ has been stunned by the revelation of a small team of geophysical philosophers that the world turns exactly one year old today, as measured by what they call "RL units".

The Debate

1. "Frankly, I saw this coming -- all the signs of the Apocalypse are here," says local community leader @@RANDOMNAME@@. "Moral standards are falling, the government is making increasingly erratic decisions, and people are neglecting their work to play bizarre political simulation games on the internet. There's only one sensible reaction: declaring a state of emergency, sending out the military, and shooting curfew breakers until the crisis is over."

2. "With respect, I don't think falling moral standards are the problem," says cubicle dweller and Slashdot karma god @@RANDOMNAME@@. "The issue is what's going to happen to our computers if the world clock ticks over from 0 to 1. This Y1 problem, as I call it, could be devastating for our IT industry unless it's tackled swiftly. And by tackled swiftly, I mean given a massive injection of public money."

3. "Why panic when you should be partying?" says @@RANDOMNAME@@, not completely soberly. "It's the first birthday of the world, man -- let people go nuts! If the government has a shred of decency, they'll order the cops to back off and let people really enjoy this incredible moment in history."

4. "This is neither a time for clamping down, nor, as they say, going off," says religious leader @@RANDOMNAME@@. "Rather, we should encourage people to reflect on the great mysteries of life. For example, what is God, to each of us? What is the true meaning of faith? And is the world around us reality, or are we instead living inside a simulated reality that exists only the amusement of beings we cannot even imagine?"

5. "Well, I know what I'll be doing," says obscure author and Perl amateur Max Barry. "Sitting at home with a good book! Jennifer Government (http://www.maxbarry.com/jennifergovernment), for instance, is a cracking read. And I hear that some of the profits go into maintaining a cool web game. But of course, that's just my opinion. People should celebrate however they want."

And #53 and #65. Nations should be getting those ones.

Actually, I just found a typo in earlier issues preventing #53 from being received.

I've got 25+ nations, and none got those. I'm now looking forward to #53 though ;)
Perhaps #65 is very specific? I still don't have a Free Market Paradise, so it's not as if my nations cover all possibilities.


** EVEN BIGGER SPOILER ALERT **

Since the issue seems to be intended as a joke, and will AFAIK only be handed out today (ok, maybe next year too :) ), I'll provide the results for #77 as well:

#77a: tens of thousands of revelers have been arrested for trying to celebrate the recent world anniversary
#77b: over-inflated fears of a "Y1" bug have turned humble IT workers into millionaires
#77c: the nation is cleaning up after a national night of celebration left most people with headaches and dim memories
#77d: residents firmly believe there is no spoon
#77e: citizens are bleary-eyed after staying up all night with a good book

Ballotonia

WHOA! How on earth did you find that out Ballotonia? Methinks we have a new candidate for "Max Barryship" here...

Ballotonia has about 20 zillion puppets, which are used to discover every possible permutation of everything.

WHOA! How on earth did you find that out Ballotonia? Methinks we have a new candidate for "Max Barryship" here...

There's quite a few possibilities...


-------------------------------------------------------------------------------
#-1: Identity of Max Barry Questioned again?!? [Issue by Ballotonia]

The Issue
The results of the Special Anniversary Issue were posted on the NS forum. Some players now claim a connection between the poster and Max Barry. Rumours abound, and it is up to you to decide whom to believe...

The Debate
1. "Yes, I am Max Barry, Max Barry I am!" says Ballotonia, while showing a fake ID sporting a picture of Max lifted from the Max Barry webpage.
[Accept]

2. "Actually, I am only Steve Barry," Max's younger and evil twin sister says, "Ballotonia is an alias I use to mess up my brother's game. I merely quickly browsed through my brother's writings while he had temporarily left his computer to visit the bathroom. I am also responsible for what seems to be gender confusion in your issues."
[Accept]

3. "I am [violet], and we often look through the code of the system to discover its secrets. We enjoy that," a loud voice booms from the sky, leaving you wondering why [violet] didn't just post under their own name.
[Accept]

4. "Don't listen to them," a voice whispers to you from a dark alley, "the five results mentioned above are total nonsense, which you will discover at the next server update. By then Ballotonia will already be on a plane heading towards South America carrying a suitcase of unmarked dollar bills."
[Accept]

5. "Ballotonia is an 31337 H4><0R. He decided to hack the NS system to forget about his disappointment in coming in last at his high school's spelling competition," points out principal Sputtered Neutniks. "Don't worry, the cretin will be punished severely, as that is what I do best!"
[Accept]

6. "I'm just a regular player," Ballotonia confesses. "I took five of my puppets which had already received the new issue, and quickly moved them into a region which had not yet gone through the server update. They went through the server update twice, giving me the results to all five options for this issue rather quickly."
[Accept]

The Government Position

The government has yet to formalize a position on this issue.

If you wish, you may simply dismiss this issue.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Ballotonia

You have too much time on your hands. :)

Good one, though.

Can I edit the copy? Can I?

Incredible, simply incredible...I should do this too! Ballotonia is my new hero! :D

#53: Orbital Armageddon?

The Issue
The space research organization in @@NAME@@ has requested more government funding for space-related research and development, and the possiblity of creating orbital weapons platforms has become a topic of intense debate.

The Debate

General @@RANDOMNAME@@ says, "We should spend more. But not just on exploration. We should start developing Orbital Weapons! Space Marines! Armed Spacecraft! We would rule @@REGION@@, and look really cool doing it! Just divert some funding from environmental protection, and BAM! Sci-fi goodies!"

Noted Scientist and pacifist writer @@RANDOMNAME@@ thinks otherwise, "No! Space is a place for peace! It's the only place left we've got that we haven't screwed up. Oh, the space program still needs funding, don't get me wrong. But none of this 'military in space' stuff! We ought to divert funding from the military to education and space research instead!"

Fringe Group Leader @@RANDOMNAME@@ disagrees, "Space is a total waste of time. We should spend more on stuff people actually CARE about. Like voting rights and protecting the environment! Forget that fancy-schmancy space station!"

Easter Egg! - Should we pull the Lever?

The Issue
During the middle of the night, someone has mysteriously put a lever in the middle of the city park. On it, it says, "Pull the Lever, and See the World End."

The Debate
"I've always wanted to see the apocalypse." says a elderly man on a park bench. "All that fire and brimstone. To see God's wrath. Something I can tell my grandchildren about later on. I say we should."
[Accept]


"Not on your life!" says says his wife sitting next to him. "If you pull that lever, we'll have no grandchildren, no life, only heaven and hell. Don't you dare pull that lever."
[Accept]


"Now, don't think if it as a do/don't option," says a hot dog vendor. "What if we give tours so that people can see the lever? Not to touch it of course, but to see that humanity can be ruined by such a contraption. We can make a profit."
[Accept]


:shock: This is a tough choice. Not sure what to decide :?

Easter Egg! - Should we pull the Lever?


This one would be #78

Easter Egg! - Should we pull the Lever?


This one would be #78
Ah, the "interesting" issue that you said was in the database now eh? :lol: :twisted:

#53: Orbital Armageddon?

The Issue
The space research organization in @@NAME@@ has requested more government funding for space-related research and development, and the possiblity of creating orbital weapons platforms has become a topic of intense debate.

The Debate

General @@RANDOMNAME@@ says, "We should spend more. But not just on exploration. We should start developing Orbital Weapons! Space Marines! Armed Spacecraft! We would rule @@REGION@@, and look really cool doing it! Just divert some funding from environmental protection, and BAM! Sci-fi goodies!"

Noted Scientist and pacifist writer @@RANDOMNAME@@ thinks otherwise, "No! Space is a place for peace! It's the only place left we've got that we haven't screwed up. Oh, the space program still needs funding, don't get me wrong. But none of this 'military in space' stuff! We ought to divert funding from the military to education and space research instead!"

Fringe Group Leader @@RANDOMNAME@@ disagrees, "Space is a total waste of time. We should spend more on stuff people actually CARE about. Like voting rights and protecting the environment! Forget that fancy-schmancy space station!"
Mewannit!!! :evil: :P

Easter Egg! - Should we pull the Lever?

The Issue
During the middle of the night, someone has mysteriously put a lever in the middle of the city park. On it, it says, "Pull the Lever, and See the World End."

:shock: This is a tough choice. Not sure what to decide :?

#3! #3!

Easter Egg! - Should we pull the Lever?

Impressive, I didn't expect it to be found quite so quickly.

HEY!! How come everyone ELSE'S issues get found so quickly and mine never see the light of day?? I've done some good ones...WAAAAAA

i got this issue - and i chose the third option - it srapped my space industry and gave me +1% income tax on top of it! and after a 10% income tax hike to get the space industry (without sponsorship) in the first place

So what are the effects of the Armageddeon Issue?

Wow, that many, lol

In fact lmao!

#78 Where are the new issues?

The Issue
Fellow player requests reason for the slow flow of new issues.

The Debate
1. "Well, that's because they're all twaddle." says [violet]. "I'm so sick of reading garbage that I've decided to scrap the player-submitted system. But don't tell the players that-the electronic bile will overwhelm the server."
[Accept]

2. "The aim of this site is to promote my novel, not the writing talents of literary wannabes." says Max Barry. "I've ordered the mods to approve mediocre issues to ensure that no one finds out that there are better writers out there than me."
[Accept]

3. "I've been scouring the list to find issues that are superior to other issues with similiar themes," says Reploid Productions. "I'm confronted with thousands upon thousands of issues. That's why it takes so long. For pity's sake, stop breathing down my neck."
[Accept]

4. "Slow flow? What slow flow?" says SalusaSecondus. "Oh, sorry. I've been busy working on my special issues. I promise you'll receive them soon, er, as soon as I'm ready. By the way, I love Easter eggs. Don't you?"
[Accept]

5. "Get a blooming life," says Ballotonia. "Mods are not hermits who spend every waking second encoding issues. The mods have social lives, unlike you. You see, studying for exams, watching the extended edition of 'The Two Towers' and downloading the private life of Paris Hilton is more interesting than encoding issues."
[Accept]

6. "You will receive the new issues when you receive the new issues," says Neutered Sputniks. "Your questioning is undermining the authority of the mods. I've deleted enough nations to know flaming when I read it. You have been warned."
[Accept]

7. "You know why the flow is so slow," says Christmas. "The mods want to drip-feed us, giving just enough to avert terminal boredom yet too little to quench the lust of new issues. They want us to become addicted to this thread, oh yes, this precious thread."
[Accept]




Before anyone froths at the month, this issue is a spoof (a joke).

lol
:lol:

Hey, how about Ballotonia's (since #78= easter egg, Should we pull the lever?; the next number is #79 Identity of Max Barry Questioned again?!?) and Eta Carinae's (#80 Where Are the New Issues) issues being the next ones accepted. At the least they should get some kind of recognition for entertainment value and parodistic ability? Sooooooooooooooo funny. :lol:

Really. What did happen to all of the new issues? I mean, they should get more people to help out, that could speed things up a bit.

Surely with 1000s submitted the ones we've seen couldn't have been ALL the good ones? :)

Some time ago I actually submitted one myself. Looking back at it, I'd say it might make an easter egg, or be a good start on one.

Since I haven't actually submitted a flood of good issues myself, I can't really complain I guess. But wish for more, I can ;)

Ballotonia

Well, I have submittted five or six that I thought were pretty damned good now...and I must admit I'm getting supremely miffed that none of MY issues are showing up! I worked DAMN HARD on those issues and I want them to see the light of day! :evil: :evil:

I think that RL things have managed to hit many of the GMs (and myself) at roughly the same time, so issue editing has fallen by the wayside for a bit.

Finally: #79
@@NAME@@'s @@ANIMAL@@s- Going the Way of the Dodo?

The Issue

The @@ANIMAL@@ is on the brink of extinction, largely due to people hunting them down for tasty @@ANIMAL@@-kahbobs and @@ANIMAL@@burgers, and as ecological disaster looms, various factions are all calling for what they feel should be done about the @@ANIMAL@@.

The Debate

"This is an outrage!", shouts @@RANDOMNAME@@, outspoken member of the @@NAME@@ Wilderness Protection Movement. "The government has to put a stop to the out of control hunting of our beloved @@ANIMAL@@s. Do you want our children and grandchildren to miss witnessing the spectacle of wild @@ANIMAL@@s prancing freely in our forests?"

"Who cares what happens to some dumb wild pest?", scoffs @@RANDOMNAME@@, employee of @@NAME@@ National Lumber, "If they're endangered it's 'cause they were too weak to adapt. They probably deserve to be killed off. With them out of the way, we could clearcut the forests @@ANIMAL@@s like to hide in, which would really boost the economy through the timber industry!"


"Nature is hardly a black and white issue." @@RANDOMNAME@@, a respected scholar notes. "We should start a breeding program to help these creatures recover their numbers. We can display them in captivity, and gradually release them into the wild. Couple it with limiting, but not abolishing @@ANIMAL@@ hunting, and everyone benefits. Of course, @@ANIMAL@@s raised in captivity don't generally survive in the wild, but I'm sure we can find a way!"

Would this be the ever-missing issue? I checked the list and it doesn't seem to be there...

Close Encounters of the Sci-fi Kind?

The Issue
A recent, well-publicized UFO sighting over rural areas of Kinky bunnies has turned people's attention to the skies, and what... or who... might be up there.

The Debate
"This event proves one thing: there are other life-forms out there," says eccentric astronomer Zeke Mistletoe, "All we have to do is find them! What is the price of a few hundred Radio Telescopes compared to the benefit of living in peace and harmony with our brethren of the stars?"
[Accept]


"Spies! Its gotta be spies! A few planes or satellites from our enemies or 'allies' in our region," rages General Beth Washington, head of Kinky bunnies's military, "The only way to keep those snoops out of our airspace is to patrol the streets 'n skies, and shoot 'em down! Even if they are some sort of little green aliens, a couple of SAM batteries and a few flak cannons'll keep 'em from abducting our kinky bunniess."
[Accept]


"Extraterrestrial lifeforms? Alien invaders? I don't know why we even have to listen to such idiocy!" complains prize-winning physicist Billy Dodinas, "The idea of 'aliens' on another planet is highly unlikely, and even if they did exist, getting from there to here is technically impossible! I say we forget this nonsense and stop spending our tax dollars on it. Leave this sort of foolishness to the people who attend those 'trekkie' conventions."
[Accept]
The Government Position
The government has yet to formalize a position on this issue.

If you wish, you may simply dismiss this issue.

Issue by: The People's Republic of Spyr
Editor: SalusaSecondus

Can you check the number? (look at the link)
It could be #80 too. Or #83.

Ballotonia

#82: AI Researchers Rally for Android Rights [Issue by Eniqcir]

The Issue
Following recent advances in artificial intelligence, debate has arrisen in @@NAME@@ over whether AI's should have the right to citizenship.

The Debate
1. "Giving citizenship to computers and software programs is just downright crazy," says citizen @@RANDOMNAME@@. "Who knows if they're even really alive? Just because some of them may look human doesn't mean they're equal to us. It could all just be imitation."

2. "These beings have just as much of a right to citizenship as the rest of us," argues civil rights activist @@RANDOMNAME@@. "True, we may not be able to tell if they're really 'alive', per se, but how can we tell that they aren't? But the androids should be put at the top of the list. At least we know that they have the same viewpoint as us humans."

3. "This is craziness!" says @@RANDOMNAME@@, a resident interviewed by the popular news show "Talk o' the Town". "It's just blasphemy, plain and simple! We're, like, playin' God here! It's evil, man, evil! What if they turned against us? All forms of AI should be banned, dudes."

number 81:

Zandra Decides:
Close Encounters of the Sci-fi Kind?

The Issue
A recent, well-publicized UFO sighting over rural areas of Zandra has turned people's attention to the skies, and what... or who... might be up there.

The Debate
"This event proves one thing: there are other life-forms out there," says eccentric astronomer Faith McAlpin, "All we have to do is find them! What is the price of a few hundred Radio Telescopes compared to the benefit of living in peace and harmony with our brethren of the stars?"
[Accept]


"Spies! Its gotta be spies! A few planes or satellites from our enemies or 'allies' in our region," rages General Konrad Mombota, head of Zandra's military, "The only way to keep those snoops out of our airspace is to patrol the streets 'n skies, and shoot 'em down! Even if they are some sort of little green aliens, a couple of SAM batteries and a few flak cannons'll keep 'em from abducting our cheetahs."
[Accept]


"Extraterrestrial lifeforms? Alien invaders? I don't know why we even have to listen to such idiocy!" complains prize-winning physicist Colin McAlpin, "The idea of 'aliens' on another planet is highly unlikely, and even if they did exist, getting from there to here is technically impossible! I say we forget this nonsense and stop spending our tax dollars on it. Leave this sort of foolishness to the people who attend those 'trekkie' conventions."
[Accept]

What about the "Ornary Overcrowding" issue and the "Give Us Healthcare or Give Us Death!" issue why are they not included?

Emperor Matthuis

What about the "Ornary Overcrowding" issue and the "Give Us Healthcare or Give Us Death!" issue why are they not included?

Emperor Matthuis

They are:
#68: Ornery Overcrowding Problem [Issue by Frigben]
#48: Give Us Healthcare or Give Us Death! [Issue by Dictator Amanda]

Ballotonia

Hmm, by my count, only 3 nations have ever recieved #65 . . . curious. I knew that it would be hard to get, but not that hard.

Hmm, by my count, only 3 nations have ever recieved #65 . . . curious. I knew that it would be hard to get, but not that hard.
If only we could find out what it is I could figure out how to get it. :x

A paradox.

~The Puppeteering Nuisance of Qaaolchoura

#49 Diving for Dollars has changed it's title: Diving for @@CURRENCY@@s. So people in Rejis can now dive for LilKansus :)

whoa, I got the second of the new issue just today as well, I must be advanced! :lol:

and check this out, one of my puppets are shooting aliens, heh:
and birds and children's kites are regularly brought down by anti-aircraft fire.

How many of you have submitted issues about music-downloading programmes? I did it myself, last option bans music... Well... I'm quite sure I'm not alone.

I found another one:
"enterprising fourteen-year-old boys selling lemonade on the sidewalk"

Sounds like a descriptor text, not a possible @@MAJORINDUSTRY@@. Can you please tell me the name of a nation you think has this?

Ballotonia

Any nation that has outlawed private business will have such a description. I'm pretty sure it isn't a @@MAJOR INDUSTRY@@ any more than "cynical population" is...

My friend has outlawed private industry...

"Private enterprise is illegal, but for those in the know there is a slick and highly efficient black market in Arms Manufacturing."

Another issue, reported by your faithful bunny :P

Jennifer Government Censorship Row

The Issue
A new book, Jennifer Government, by Max Barry, has been causing quite a stir in governmental offices across Kinky bunnies.

The Debate
"At first I liked the book," says famous politician Naki Dredd, "but then it clearly turned out to be just a mockery of our government! This is brainwashing our citizens into thinking that they're being governed badly. I suggest we hang, draw and quarter the author of this book and take satires off the shelves!"
[Accept]


"Don't be silly" says book reviewer Randy King, "it's a great book and you don't necessarily have to take the views inside seriously! If anything, there should be more satires. Maybe then, we'll get the right people in charge of this messed-up country!"
[Accept]

It's already in the list:
#46: Jennifer Government Censorship Row [Issue by Sirocco]

oops, must have missed it...
:oops:

No worries.

The easiest way to figure whether an issue is listed or not is to look up the issue number: open the issue in a new window and look at the address bar, or hover with yor mouse over the issue and look at the bottom of your browser window. The number is at the end of the URL. Using that number, checking the list is easy, as it's listed in order of the numbers.

I opted to not order issues alphabetically as it doesn't show the missing issues easily, plus that some issue titles will start with a variable and be non-obvious on where to place them.

Ballotonia

nr 83:

Heinekenbier Decides:
High-Speed Monorail Service Promises Connections

The Issue
Vroom-A-Zoom-Zoom (VAZZ), a consortium of weird-looking hippies and yuppie rollercoaster aficionados, has developed plans for a high-speed mono-rail service for Heinekenbier to help counter and relieve problems brought about by banning cars.

The Debate
"This is great," says Randy Longbottom, devout anti-spending advocate. "You know what'll happen? The government will invest huge sums of money in a service no one will use. I suggest nipping it in the bud.... and cutting back government spending across the board while you're at it."


"I disagree," says Steffan Jefferson of Vroom-A-Zoom-Zoom. "If people are worried about the costs, why not let the monorail service be a private company? That way, it will have to compete with other industries and make a profit. And don't forget that'll bring in more tax revenue. Of course, that would make fares too pricey for a lot of people, but the rich would probably use it a lot!"


"I really disagree," says Colin Dredd, an unwashed denizen standing in the middle of Noh Weir, population 200, on the outskirts of Heinekenbier. "The state must run the monorail service, otherwise it's useless. What a monorail system should do is connect both large and small cities, and the only way to do that is for the government to run the rails, using the profits from the larger cities to subsidize the routes for smaller ones."

Issue by: The Alliance of Baudrillard
Editor: Reploid Productions

To add on to the names, I got the name "Klaus Christmas". Interesting combination... :D

They should add the first name of "Preist" to the pool of names. Same goes for the last name of "Pope."

As for interesting combinations, I think 'Priest Pope' would be pretty far up there :D

I've got an industry that isn't on the list in the first post: Uranium Mining. The list does have just plain "Mining", but is that really an industry by itself? Glancing through the first ten nations in my region, quite a few have Uranium Mining but none have just Mining.

Issue 84:

Compulsory Gun Ownership?
The Issue

This weekend, a citizen's group calling itself Gun Owners of @@NAME@@ has petitioned Congress with a controversial bill making gun ownership compulsory.
The Debate

1. "This is a very important step to securing the rights and lives of our families and controlling the government," urges noted gun ownership proponent @@RANDOMNAME@@. "Not only would it significantly decrease crime, but it would also effectively stop government tyranny in its tracks. Of course, this also means that every wacko and their cousin will have a gun, but don't worry, you'll have a gun to defend yourself from them, so it will all work out."


2. "While the Gun Owners of @@NAME@@ have the safety and security of our people in mind, it would simply be impractical to enforce," comments Police Chief @@RANDOMNAME@@. "A better option would be to legalize, and encourage use of, concealed carry laws, which would allow responsible citizens to keep firearms with them at all times, on their person, to kill any wacko or their cousin who they think is threatening them."


3. "Compulsory gun ownership?! Concealed carry?! Are these fools nuts?!" rants an enraged Million Mummy March activist. "We don't need any of these things! What we need is complete gun registration, so that the government can track down dangerous people, like those people who possess unregistered weapons."

Darn. You beat me to it by 1/2 hour. I just got it too!

NationStates

National Flag
A of Lucina Decides:
Compulsory Gun Ownership?
The Issue

This weekend, a citizen's group calling itself Gun Owners of A of Lucina has petitioned Congress with a controversial bill making gun ownership compulsory.
The Debate

1. "This is a very important step to securing the rights and lives of our families and controlling the government," urges noted gun ownership proponent Thomas Jones. "Not only would it significantly decrease crime, but it would also effectively stop government tyranny in its tracks. Of course, this also means that every wacko and their cousin will have a gun, but don't worry, you'll have a gun to defend yourself from them, so it will all work out."
[Accept]

2. "While the Gun Owners of A of Lucina have the safety and security of our people in mind, it would simply be impractical to enforce," comments Police Chief Aaron Jones. "A better option would be to legalize, and encourage use of, concealed carry laws, which would allow responsible citizens to keep firearms with them at all times, on their person, to kill any wacko or their cousin who they think is threatening them."
[Accept]

3. "Compulsory gun ownership?! Concealed carry?! Are these fools nuts?!" rants an enraged Million Mummy March activist. "We don't need any of these things! What we need is complete gun registration, so that the government can track down dangerous people, like those people who possess unregistered weapons."
[Accept]

The Government Position

The government is preparing to dismiss this issue.

Issue by: The Republic of Tristram
Editor: SalusaSecondus

To follow one of the recommendations above, simply click on the link. The A of Lucina government will bring in the new law overnight.

Visit the Jennifer Government web site

So how long has it been since new issues were added to the game. I've heard it's been a while. If I submit an issue is it just going to sit forgotten somewhere?

The answer to your first question is "1 day."

The answer to your second question is "only if your submission is crappy."

One of my puppets, Oddballfullness, submitted an issue last summer that was just processed a few hours ago - thank you, SalusaSecondus! I forgot to note its ID number, but here's the rest of it. http://www.sc3000.com/forums/images/face1.GIF

Save the @@ANIMAL@@ Through Domestication

In desperation at the plight of the @@ANIMAL@@, which has virtually no natural habitat left in @@NAME@@, a somewhat unorthodox environmental group demands that the few surviving specimens be domesticated and sold in pet stores.

1. "We must act now, before the @@ANIMAL@@ is lost forever," said spokesperson @@RANDOMNAME@@ during a recent interview. "Domestication has ensured the survival of many endangered species in the past, and there really is no alternative left at this point. Besides, I'm sure many families would be thrilled to welcome a @@ANIMAL@@ into their homes."

2. "Sure, @@ANIMAL@@s might look cute and harmless to you," says retired hunting legend @@RANDOMNAME@@, "but back in my day, they were the scourge on the nation. They carry a number of dangerous diseases, and you do NOT want to be bitten by one. My cousin was once bitten by a @@ANIMAL@@. So now you want my grandchildren exposed to these things? The sooner they disappear completely, the better!"

Issue by: The Empire of Andro that is Full of Oddballfullness
Editor: SalusaSecondus

Always at the leading edge, the bunny now brings you the latest issue, :D #85:

Illegal File-sharing Flares

The Issue
A surprise raid conducted on ISPs over the last week in Kinky bunnies shows that more than 30% of all Internet data transfer in Kinky bunnies at one time or another is used by illegal file-shares to illegally distribute files, most notably songs.

The Debate
"What we need to do is hack their computers and format their hard drives," says Zeke Dredd, recording industry representative. "People need to be taught to not mess with the law. This is theft pure and simple. And they're not only halving our revenue to tune of billions of bunnys, but you are also stealing a few hundredths of a bunny from the artist for every song they steal. THINK OF THE STARVING ARTISTS!"
[Accept]


"Yo, dude, like, don't be hatin' man," says teenager Jennifer Wu. "We're like, going to change the whole structure of our society. Everything should be like, publicly available to, like, everybody, dude. Copyrights are so, like, uncool man and we need to get rid of them. That'd be totally radical, and cool as well."
[Accept]


"Yo, dang, blizzity blang, yo, this ain't, right, yo," says Tobias Frederickson, famous rapper with three platinum albums. "Dang, yo, we dang need to copy-protect my dang CDs, yo. That dang playability life dang decreases, yo, but it's the only way to stop this, dang, yo."
[Accept]
The Government Position
The government has yet to formalize a position on this issue.

If you wish, you may simply dismiss this issue.

Issue by: The Radical Libertarian Paradise of Frigben
Editor: SalusaSecondus

Yup, I just got that one, too.

*hopes his piracy issue will still be accepted*
It's about software, not music .. so ... *hopes*

Yayayayayayay!!! :lol: Sorry, couldn't help it. Now I have two issues under my belt! I was just thinking about this issue today, and worrying that it would be one of those dozens I submitted that would never be accepted. Guess I was wrong. :P

Issue 87:

Burn! Burn Everything!

The Issue
A recent anti-government rally by highly disgruntled teens has brought a previously minor issue to the fore- should people be permitted to burn @@NAME@@'s flag, or should it be a crime?

The Debate
"We should be able to burn the flag as a sign of protest. I say ignore those crazy red blooded fanatics who won't let us! After all it's because we are a tolerant nation that we should allow it!" says @@RANDOMNAME@@, civil rights activist, while trying to wave a burning flag without lighting anybody nearby on fire.
[Accept]

"Burning should be allowed for everything! Down with the pig cops and their repressive regime!" says known well known anarchist and arsonist @@RANDOMNAME@@, from the comfy and non-flamable confines of a prison cell. "Burn! Burn burn burn! Everything! Kyahahaha!"
[Accept]

"These barbarians are suggesting burning the flag of our glorious nation as if it were a piece of scrap cloth! First it's burning the flag, and before you know it, it's rebellion and anarchy!" @@RANDOMNAME@@ scowls, "Flag burning should be punishable by jail terms and a good flogging."
[Accept]

Issue by: The Regulated Republic of PRC China
Editor: Reploid Productions

The issue number is #86 for
Save the @@animal@@ Through Domestication

Updated. Thanks!

Ballotonia

I wonder how many people who have submitted issues about file-sharing and CD-burning... I did, for example. Good bye, issue...

Hurray!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! :D :D :D

Finally, I received issue #65. Geez, that only took a few months!

And... *drumroll* ... here it is:

#65: Should Martial Law be declared? [Issue by American Militarists]

The Issue
In response to increasing crime and violence across @@NAME@@, the people are crying out for some degree of order.

The Debate
1. "Placing the military in charge of government affairs will be a disaster" says @@RANDOMNAME@@, as a random thug steals the shirt off their back. "You can't scare people straight! What we need is reform and respect for civil rights and our political freedom. You will have none of that under Martial Law."

2. "It’s not that way at all," argues army general @@RANDOMNAME@@. "The fact is, if we don't implement some sort of order this country will fall into a state of anarchy. I urge you to act strongly and proactively before it is too late. We must exercise complete control over the populace to restore peace and security. Martial Law must be implemented, curfews established, and elections temporarily suspended. Only by doing this can we hope to have a future for @@NAME@@."

3. "Look, we do need more security, but we can't sacrifice our freedoms. Just increase the police force and call in the National Guard," says @@RANDOMNAME@@. "We need order, but Martial Law is too drastic and restricting".


The nation that received this looks like this:
Population: 276 million
UN Category: Anarchy
Civil Rights: Frightening
Economy: Strong
Political Freedoms: Corrupted

Considering the issue, it's probably only for Anarchies with a very high Civil Rights / Political Freedom score, a high crime rate, and maybe a minimum population or simply very low odds.

To maintain the anarchy status, I chose option (1). Now I'd like to get it twice more so I can see what effect (text) the other two options have as well (I keep a list ;) ). At the current rate, that'll take about another six months or so :D

Ballotonia

Added:

#88: Cannibals Demand to Taste What @@NAME@@ Has to Offer [Issue by Sovereign discord]

#89: "Don't Dam Our Rivers, Damnit!" Say Protesters [issue by Frigben]
(corrected version)

Ballotonia

When we get to #100 I hope it is a really super special one!

What's the effect of choosing number two in the Cannibal issue? Does it mention soylent products?

Added: #90: Organic Outburst [Issue by Dark_Zephyr]

Ballotonia

What's the effect of choosing number two in the Cannibal issue? Does it mention soylent products?
Yes :P

What's the effect of choosing number two in the Cannibal issue? Does it mention soylent products?
Yes :P

What's the effect of choosing number two in the Cannibal issue? Does it mention soylent products?
Yes :P

What's the effect of repeating posts? Does it drive people around the bend?

Yes :P

Look, whern the server is slow, It is very easy to repeat posts, by mistake.

The flow of new issues is so slow that I'll die of old age before my first submitted issue is read.

And Germany and France-apologies for the earlier outburst.

The flow of new issues is so slow that I'll die of old age before my first submitted issue is read.

And Germany and France-apologies for the earlier outburst.

Unfortunately, I'm pretty much the only mod regularly trying to work the submissions list, which is still over 3,000 submissions long =p

I did get four new ones done today though! :D

~Rep

YAY FOR REP!!! :D

Issue 91:

Sacramental Tax Time?
Secularists have been urging for the government to impose an income tax on religious organizations in @@NAME@@ for some time now, and the issue has finally made it's way to the upper levels of the government.
The Debate

1. Self-appointed civil rights spokesman @@RANDOMNAME@@ declares, "Churches are business organizations with a large income. It's unfair that they don't have to pay the same taxes that everyone else does. If they really do spend on any money on charity, let them write it off as a deduction just like corporations do. There's no reason that so-called clergy should be chauffeured around in limos tax-free, when we desperately need funds for public works."


2. "Freedom of conscience is foremost among liberties", says Reverend @@RANDOMNAME@@. "Churches have been exempted from taxation because it is wrong for the government to infringe on the right of people to worship as they please, and that includes charging them for the right to worship. Besides, churches are non-profit organizations that put all their funds back into the community."


3. The Honorable @@RANDOMNAME@@, Minister of Minding Other People's Business, has an idea: "This religion thing is such a great racket, why don't we make it a government monopoly? We'll ban all religions except the Church of @@NAME@@, and make attendance and donations compulsory. I'll start writing the Holy Scriptures right away!"

Issue 93:
Affirmative Action in @@NAME@@?

After a recent high-profile case of a minority student being refused admission to a primarily 'white' college, civil rights activists, conservatives, and teachers are up in arms about affirmative action and ethnic equality in education.

1. "This is just another attempt to discriminate against people of color," declares civil-rights activist, former TV commentator and unabashed publicity speaker @@RANDOMNAME@@. "If people are disadvantaged in their upbringing they they should be given an 'equal' chance to succeed in college."

2. "The affirmative action programs aren't necessary at all." Rejoins conservative speaker and hair care product salesman @@RANDOMNAME@@. "If you really want to treat everyone equally, as you claim, how can you support special treatment for a few so-called minority groups? Besides, it would cost even more money to enforce."


3. "I think you are both looney," says @@RANDOMNAME@@, professor of liberal arts at @@NAME@@ National University. "All education should be open to everyone regardless of their grades in high school, economic status or academic prowess. Free college education should be available to every citizen of @@NAME@@, no matter what the cost!"
[Accept]

number 93:

Affirmative Action in @@RANDOMNAME@@?

The Issue
After a recent high-profile case of a minority student being refused admission to a primarily 'white' college, civil rights activists, conservatives, and teachers are up in arms about affirmative action and ethnic equality in education.

The Debate
"This is just another attempt to discriminate against people of color," declares civil-rights activist, former TV commentator and unabashed publicity speaker Gregory du Pont. "If people are disadvantaged in their upbringing they they should be given an 'equal' chance to succeed in college."
[Accept]


"The affirmative action programs aren't necessary at all." Rejoins conservative speaker and hair care product salesman Calvin Frederickson. "If you really want to treat everyone equally, as you claim, how can you support special treatment for a few so-called minority groups? Besides, it would cost even more money to enforce."

This is the position your government is preparing to adopt.


"I think you are both looney," says Naki Mistletoe, professor of liberal arts at HC Eredivisie National University. "All education should be open to everyone regardless of their grades in high school, economic status or academic prowess. Free college education should be available to every citizen of HC Eredivisie, no matter what the cost!"
[Accept]

Issue by: The Anarcho-syndicalist Commune of The Orange Freestate
Editor: Reploid Productions

And also:

#94: Computer Users Fed Up On Heaps of Spam! [Issue by Bored yawning]


#92 is ... ?

Ballotonia

I hope it is mine. :P

#92:
@@NAME@@ Officials Needled about Mandatory Vaccinations
The Issue

Health workers are frequently being ignored by people when recommending vaccinations against common illnesses. When these people subsequently become ill they require expensive emergency care. To correct this situation, many health experts are lobbying for mandatory vaccinations.

The Debate

@@RANDOMNAME@@, a pro-vaccination taxpayer, says "If a doctor thinks a vaccination is good for you then you should have it. All these people turning them down are know-it-alls that are wasting my tax money. Or they're really afraid of needles."

@@RANDOMNAME@@, who recently refused a vaccination, says that vaccines must remain completely optional. "Anything else is a breach of human rights. Doctors are not always right" she says. "And this has nothing to do with my being terrified of needles!"

@@RANDOMNAME@@, @@NAME@@'s leading expert on health spending, suggests a third way. "Leave vaccines optional but make free health care conditional on having them. That way people get to choose, and it will help ease the load on our national healthcare budget."

Issue by: Gdrabble
Editor: Reploid Productions

darn, not mine

will number 100 be special?

#95:
Painful Prices Paid at the Pump
The Issue

Commuters are complaining about the ongoing rise in gas prices, causing a massive debate in the government about what should be done.

The Debate

"Who cares about a few trees, gas prices are six debit cards per gallon, and rising! There is lots of oil to be found in areas currently protected as parks! Solving our energy needs are more important than conserving the environment," says oil executive @@RANDOMNAME@@. "Just give us permission to go in there and start drilling, and gas prices will plummet!"

"There are other ways to recover from the fossil fuel crisis besides ruining forests," says environmental activist @@RANDOMNAME@@. "We shouldn't just take the short way out and drill here. I suggest spending more money on public transportation systems and encouraging people to carpool- if people weren't so reliant on fossil fuel powered cars, we wouldn't be in this situation in the first place, and if we start using less oil, the price will drop with the demand."

Issue by: The United Socialist States of Aljerfribish
Editor: Reploid Productions

Issue #96: Water Supply Problems Becoming a Major Drain

The Issue
Due to the explosive population growth in @@NAME@@, coupled with recent droughts, people are beginning to worry about the nation's decreasing water supply, and who should get first dibs on the vital H20.

The Debate
"We need this water to raise our crops," says incensed farmer @@RANDOMNAME@@. "If it wasn't for us farmers, the rest of @@NAME@@ would be starving. How about laying the blame where it belongs, and look to those cookie cutter suburban houses with their green lawns and pristinely washed mini-vans!"

"It is my right to have the most beautiful lawn in the neighborhood," says neighborhood spokesman @@RANDOMNAME@@. "our community spends alot of effort cultivated a nice environment for our kids to grow up in. Why, if they didn't have these nice lawns to play in, they would be hanging out on street corners peddling drugs, or worse! Wont someone please think of the children?"

"Here is a novel idea," proclaims @@RANDOMNAME@@, spokesperson for radical environmental group Leave Nature Alone. "How about getting rid of all these dams and irrigation projects that are getting in the way of Mother Nature's plans for the water. It is time to allow the rivers to take their natural courses and leave the environment alone. I'm sure things will work out fine if we let Nature take its course."

"Obviously, who gets how much water is only a part of the problem." Notes famed population-control advocate @@RANDOMNAME@@. "We must try to curtail the rapid growth of our population, whether by limiting the amount of children people may have, or by deporting immigrants and criminals... we must get a handle on our population before we can hope to correct this water supply problem."

Issue by: The Dominion of Calvin n Hobbes
Editor: Reploid Productions

Keep 'em coming, Reppy, and I promise I'll stop whinging.

We still don't know what issue number 80 is?

BTW, why do they hire a new moderator just to help you, Reploid? I am sure there are a few good nations who would be perfect for the job.

I would love to help read through issues to help the process go by faster. I'm an office assistant in real life and a college student so I'm used to all the writing, reading, and editing stuff.

Queen ShyButterfly of Lovebug :D

Issue #97
Landfills Filling Up
The Issue

After claims of two-headed @@ANIMAL@@ being seen near the numerous landfills of @@NATION@@, there have been calls for the government to act.

The Debate

1. "Look at that thing!" wails famous environmentalist @@RANDOMNAME@@, pointing at one of @@NATION@@'s largest dumps. "It's an eyesore, a pollutant, and a damn disgrace! What we need to do is get everyone recycling their waste! What we have left we can shoot into space in specially-made space shuttles and we'll never have to think about it again! Sure it'll be expensive, but considering the benefits to the great outdoors, I think we should consider it."

2. "Ah, the expense!" moans @@RANDOMNAME@@, government economist. "Do you have any idea what that would cost?! A much better way of dealing with this waste is to burn it and use the energy it produces to power Goobergunchia's big cities. There may be a few side-effects on the environment, but with all the cheap power coming in who would care?"

3. "Oh come now," says @@RANDOMNAME@@, a nearby suburbanite. "There's no need to bring all the pollution into the cities! These dumps can get a whole lot bigger you know. Just keep piling the rubbish on and we can use them as tourist attractions or something. People will flock to see how high they can climb our artificial mountains! If we run out of space, just knock down a few forests. No one will notice."

4. "You're all missing the real solution," argues @@RANDOMNAME@@, president of the '@@NATION@@ First!' society. "Why should we bother building landfills at all? I'm sure that there are plenty of less-fortunate countries out there who would be more than happy to take our litter in return for some cash."

Issue by: The Socialist Empire of Edolia
Editor: Sirocco

Issue #97
Landfills Filling Up
The Issue

After claims of two-headed @@ANIMAL@@ being seen near the numerous landfills of @@NATION@@, there have been calls for the government to act.

The Debate

1. "Look at that thing!" wails famous environmentalist @@RANDOMNAME@@, pointing at one of @@NATION@@'s largest dumps. "It's an eyesore, a pollutant, and a damn disgrace! What we need to do is get everyone recycling their waste! What we have left we can shoot into space in specially-made space shuttles and we'll never have to think about it again! Sure it'll be expensive, but considering the benefits to the great outdoors, I think we should consider it."

2. "Ah, the expense!" moans @@RANDOMNAME@@, government economist. "Do you have any idea what that would cost?! A much better way of dealing with this waste is to burn it and use the energy it produces to power Goobergunchia's big cities. There may be a few side-effects on the environment, but with all the cheap power coming in who would care?"

3. "Oh come now," says @@RANDOMNAME@@, a nearby suburbanite. "There's no need to bring all the pollution into the cities! These dumps can get a whole lot bigger you know. Just keep piling the rubbish on and we can use them as tourist attractions or something. People will flock to see how high they can climb our artificial mountains! If we run out of space, just knock down a few forests. No one will notice."

4. "You're all missing the real solution," argues @@RANDOMNAME@@, president of the '@@NATION@@ First!' society. "Why should we bother building landfills at all? I'm sure that there are plenty of less-fortunate countries out there who would be more than happy to take our litter in return for some cash."

Issue by: The Socialist Empire of Edolia
Editor: Sirocco
Now, Sirocco's started editing them?

Looks like I've gotta let my fizzy kittend go run off the screen now then.

Qaa, you definitely have to get on IRC.

Qaa, you definitely have to get on IRC.
I was.

For about a week I was on a lot more than you were.

Then XChat broke or something.

Also added:

#98: Police Want More Than Shiny Badge [Issue by Hata-alla]

#99: We Need Cash, Sharpish, Say Librarians. [Issue by Os Cosia]


And with that, there are now 100 issues! Ok, some are easter eggs, and one is the special anniversary issue which isn't in rotation anymore. But still, the list here has reached 100 issues (numbered 0 through 99).

Ballotonia

And now there's a hundred issues, and people are STILL complaining about there not being enough. :shock: I'm sure I am not the only one who can remember a time when there were only 30.

I'm sure I am not the only one who can remember a time when there were only 30.

You're right. You're not the only one.

Out of interest (and impatience), whereabouts in the submitted list are the mods? Naming submission dates (dd/mm/yyyy) is fine.

Out of interest (and impatience), whereabouts in the submitted list are the mods? Naming submission dates (dd/mm/yyyy) is fine.

(from vague memory)
Last I heard they were working on a block of 2900 all submitted before November 28 or so. Anyone submitting an issue today should plan for a few months before a mod gets to looking at their issue... So, patience, patience, patience.

Ballotonia

Added:

#100: Road Rage Rampage [Issue by Satanspermspawn]

side note: what is the maximum number of characters in a post and when will you reach that with your first posts in this thread, Ballotonia? :P