NationStates Jolt Archive

Jesseville_Ohio in conjunction with the Coporation of West Palm Beach, has purchased a narrow strip of land just to the West of the FA ports of New Senora and El Paso.

Tag

Tag

From ports in DDPP, a cargo fleet sets sail for the Port of New Senora on the LETI side of FA territory.

Taggity tag tag...

In Ft. George Patton home of the CoC Army, Marine Corps and Air Force Military Police Academy Class 09-04(9th class of 2004) in Bravo Company, 787th Military Police Training Battalion is on their Phase III Field Training Exercise.

The Privates are tense as they are going on their first real practical exercise of all the basic infantry tactics they have been taught. 3rd Platoon is pulling security around base camp while 1st, 2nd and 4th platoon go on patrol. Each private is wearing their LBE, Equipment Belt, 2 ammunition pouches each containing 3 30 round magazines fully loaded with 5.56mm blank ammunition. One out every 4 privates is carrying two larger pouches hooked on, each pouch containing a 200 round drum of Linked 5.56mm blank ammunition. The Privates are also carrying one canteen pouch on their left hip with a Pistol Holster on their right hip. All Privates are wearing Kevlar Ballistic Helmets, with woodland pattern Camouflaged covers; they are also wearing camouflage face paint. One out of four privates is carrying a M-249 Squad Automatic Weapon, while the rest of the privates are Carrying M-4A2 Carbines. In Addition the privates are carrying their M-40A1 Protective Mask Carrier with mask on their left Hip. \


The Drill Sergeants have disappeared except for one Drill Sergeant to lead each file of Privates through the wood line. The terrain on this post is very hilly and heavily wooded. The three files are advancing down a hill, which cut, by road. They reach the road and pass the hand signal for crossing a danger area and proceed to scroll the road. Their path leads them down into a ravine where a very steep slope awaits the company on the other end. When about 3 squads per platoon had made into the ravine, the privates here pop, and hissing noise. A grenade canister had landed in the base of the valley and white smoke was beginning to billow out and spread around. Then there was the popping noise of several M-4's firing blanks. Privates near the canister were putting their pro-masks on and yelling "GAS! GAS! GAS!" A drill sergeants voice cuts through the yelling "PRIVATES IT'S NOT GAS IT'S JUST WHITE SMOKE TO COVER YOUR CROSSING OF THE ROAD" Upon hearing this privates with their masks on took their masks off and proceeded to get a face full of CS gas (Crowd Suppressant, AKA Tear Gas) privates were choking and coughing all over the place. Several privates forgetting their training threw their rifles to the ground to put on their masks. While this happened, Drill Sergeants walked up and down the files of privates picking up the dropped rifles. When the privates had finally donned their masks several looked around and started yelling that they had lost their rifles, Upon hearing this the Drill sergeants called out to the squad leaders and Platoon Guides to figure out who had lost their rifle and that those personnel were now dead (figuratively) since they had lost their only lifeline in a battlefield, their weapon. The Privates still had to advance while providing covering fire, and above the sound of rifles firing were the drill sergeants yelling and pointing at random people that had made mistakes and pronounced them dead. Now all of the dead privates had been gathered up at the bottom of the ravine, and the rest of the platoons were trying to climb the hill, It was utter chaos, as privates are exposing their backs to enemy fire, not moving tactically or using any of their training to fullest degree. And now they had to gather up all of the dead and wounded, with their equipment and bring them up the hill while wearing a Protective mask. After 45 minutes of Chaos with not a single platoon able to move because of the amount of casualties the Drill Sergeants ended the exercise, called all clear, gathered everyone up on the road and conducted a lace report and an AAR. In which the drill sergeants proceeded to berate all of the privates and few in particular that had pulled some really dumb moves. All Rifles were returned...at a cost...(The privates had to don their protective masks and march with the rest of the platoon who was not wearing their's up a miniature mountain back to the base camp.)


OOC: ok everyone this is the first volume from the stories to come of my experiences in the last four months. Names will be changed, details will be changed but the general theme of each story will give you an insight into what I endured and the experience I have gained.

::Out on Lake Hotpead at night while fishing::

Radom Hick 1: Sure is a nice night for fishin. Ey boy, git me nother beer from the cooler.

Radom Hick 2: Yessiry. Ya won't be seein stars like that in those big cities over across the lake. Just wish the fished be biten a bit more.

Boy: Pa, we dun have much beer left so I brought you your pipe instead. We gotta be savin sumin to drink for trip home tomorrow. HEY! Look at those funny lights in the sky pa!

RH 1: Those be stars ya stup...Well milk my cow! Never did see lights like that afore. Wonder what it could be.

::Suddenly the small boat is surrounded by two hovering objects with bright flashy lights. Blinded by the bright light they vaguely make out moving huminoid shaped objects decending from the hovering crafts.::

RH 2: Well, I hope these things don't do anal probes.


::The next morning on the southern shore of Lake Hotpead a hung over beach bum sees an empty boat with three cast fishing poles floating inland.::

The first Nimzonian naval units, led by the recently comissioned battleship RNS Slaughterfish, arrive off the coast of the former Western Manarth, territory as good as ceded by MadderMike, in the infamous zero-less treaty debacle. The fleet, mostly transport ships carrying construction materials and personnel, begin offloading their cargoes.

Admiral Wilhelmsson, on the bridge of his battleship, was going through a copy of "How to survive in LETI" with his chief of staff.

"Missiles?"
"Check"

"Bombs?"
"Check"

"Tanks?"
"Check"

"Jets?"
"Check"

"Excellent. I'm sure we'll fit right in."

----

Ashore, Governor Lagerfelt was standing in the area being cleared for the construction of a farming settlement, which was to be the administrative centre for the territory while under Nimzonian occupation, and to be rather imaginatively named 'Letiburg'.

Lagerfelt dabbed at his forehead with a hanky - the tropical climate was far too warm for Nimzonian ceremonial dress, which was devised in the arctic. He adjusted the horned helmet slightly, and smiled for the small group of press photographers, who were getting in the way of the construction crews.

"I hereby name this province Nimzonian LETIreijk." he said, deciding to cut his speech short so he could get out of the accursed fur cloak and lie around on the beach in his bermuda shorts.

::Tag::

Elections to take place in Manarth: (OOC: I know this should be in LOTI thread, I just am a bit bored.)

Muhammad Estabi, citing health problems, has decided not to run again, saying that his Press Secretary, Hans Jakeway, will be the next Democratic Socialist candidate for Prime Minister.

The Democratic Republicans, which have ruled in conjunction with the DS, have nominated the current DPM, Irving Goldstone, as their choice for Prime Minister.

In the Conservative party, Stanley Blackford has refused to run for Prime Minister, citing health concerns. As such, the Conservatives have announced as candidate the little known Admiral Emily Clarkeson.

The Manarthian Workers Party, who has never won more than a single seat in the upper house, announced their candidate, Charles Ansley.

The Radical Liberals party, a typical sight in the lower house, but infrequent to the upper house, announced that Rupert Ortega will be their choice.

OOC: Due to election reforms, all parties can now recieve corporate and foriegn donations to their election campaigns. However, it should be noted that Manarthians still don't like the idea of having thier contrymen bought off by foreigners, so if you're doing some donating be secretive about it.

:: Deep in the Beaver Mountains::

Octu: Come On! I dun have all day. I gotta get back to the Mugwamp sos I can give my report.

Entreri: Well the first run was a complete success. The fools had no clue what was coming. I can't garantee the same effect for people who have a better education, but the flyer definitely has a way of shocking anybody. They'll never know what hit them.

Octu: Excellent. Area 11 and a half should be all set up soon and ye'll be sure to get all the funding ya might be needen to put the extra fire power into the durn thing. Oh, they'll be so pleased up in da city! Good work!

Entreri: I need to know how much more time I have to completely finish the flyer. When do you need me to be completely done?

Octu: Soon. Dun know exactly, but definitely soon. Maybe be a few weeks. We have to wait for the meetins to finish. Say a few weeks. Can ya do that?

Entreri: It's possible. A few more tests and everything should be running smoothly. What should I do with, well you know?

Octu: Through em back or grill em. What else?

::Octu heads down the mountain path. Entreri heads to a man made cave with a wicked smile on his face.::

Mike of Mike and Mike Shipping Prime Minister of MadderMike is talking to Em of Mike and Mike Shipping, Secretary of State for MadderMike. "Em another election in Manarth?" Em replies "Yes, they change leaders quicker than you change your underwear. Didn't that nice Manarthian help you in your election bid?"

Mike "He sure did, I never knew what party he was from. I sure would help him or his party if I could."

Em "We will have find out what he supports and give him some aid."

OOC: Ziggy was not a member of any political party, per se, but Auto-ingen, his employeer, is interested in the Conservative Party. Plus, the Conservatives are more likely to aid MadderMike in thier stalled, but ongoing effort to capture the LHTI/LETI locks.

Encoded message to Auto-ingen from Mike and Mike Shipping: We are interested in providing assistance via you in supporting the Conservative party of Manarth in the upcomming elections. Please let us know if you are interested and where we can send this assistance. s/Em

OOC: *Looks around, basking in the speed of the new forum.* Oh ho ho...lightning speed...very fast...very nice...

IC:

*Chancellor Sammek wakes up in his bed, sits up, stretches, and looks around. He is surprised that no one has waken him, as it is broad daylight. He is also surprised to see several electrodes attached to his body and an IV drip running into his wrist. "What the hell?" He tugs at one of the electrodes on his chest. It comes off and alarms start going off. "Holy crap!!" He quickly replaces it and looks around the room innocently. "Wasn't me" he says to no one in particular. Suddenly Daniel Jackson, General Hammond, a doctor, a nurse, a priest, a rabbi, a Buddhist, a Muslim, a nun, a Jew, a cowboy, an Indian, a Canadian, an American, a Mexican, a horse, three ducks, and an inchworm all run in the room.*

Sammek: What is this, some kind of a joke? Get out of here! *They start to leave.* Not you two! You come here. *Jackson and Hammond turn back around as the others leave.* What the hell is going on here?

Jackson: Sir...you're...awake!

Sammek: Yes I am, no thanks to the help around here...Niles...NILES...where is he? He's going to get an earfull for not waking me up...

Hammond: Well...actually sir...um...I don't quite know how to tell you this...

Jackson: Sir you've been asleep for two months...

*Ominous music starts playing.*

Sammek: What?! Two months? What about the country?!

Hammond: Oh it's been peachy...Daniel and I have handled a few minor problems but other than that everything is running smoothly.

Sammek: What about the volcano?

Jackson: Oh the lava flow mysteriously stopped, although the geologists say it could start again completely at random.

Sammek: I see...umm...SOMEONE TURN OFF THAT DAMN OMINOUS MUSIC.

Jackson: Sorry sir, well...it's time to get up and rule the country...

OOC: Nice Sam, but haven't you done this song and dance before?

The sole MadderMikian SR71 flies high over the LETI/LHTI canal system and turns left heading towards Lake Michigan. Two hours later Gen Mike Armstrong Custer has the photos he needs.

***Urgent Communiqué to Dubelco***

You have 12 hours to relinquish your strangle hold on the free movement of shipping through the LETI/LHTI canal system or we will take action to liberate these canals.

s/Mike of Mike and Mike Shipping
***********************
Deep in the Mikian Alps co-ordinates are being loaded into waiting cruise missles.

The recently modernized FRAM II destroyers are steaming full speed ahead towards the Dubelco held canals. These destroyers have had the radar, torpedo tubes, and the 5" guns replaced. On each ship the three 5" 54 twin mounts have been replaced by three 5" 62 rapid fire single gun mounts. CIWS have been installed on port and starboard. The LSTs are accompanying the destroyers. Beneath them are 2 Los Angeles class submarines. 20 miles back is an arsenal ship. Unfortunately only the forward VLS has been loaded with a wartime mixture of missles. The aft VLS is empty.

The "Mercenary" Fleet has taken control of the mothballed Manarthian fleet and has moved to the entrance to the Welland canal waiting for permission to cross.

At the other end of Lake Ontario the MMS Megalomania battle fleet has just entered the lake from the St. Lawrence Seaway.

To: MadderMike
Re: Commnique

We are not in control of the Locks between LETI/LHTI. Our colony and its alliance in LHTI is in control of the Locks. As far as we are aware, they are restricting no movement what so ever. Please recheck your intelligence.
Have a nice day.

Mike of Mike and Mike Shipping Prime Minister of MadderMike is reading a huge stack of official mail brought to him by yet another of the seemingly endless supply of official Lackeys. "What's this!" He exclaims as he reads a communiqué from Dubelco.

"Looks like a note from Dubelco." says Mike Bond Minister of Information and Intelligence.

"No kidding" replies Mike "I thought we gave them notice to stop hogging the LETI/LHTI canals."

"Well looks like you sent the message to Dubelco not New Dubelco." answered Bond.

"New Dubelco - Old Dubelco it is the same thing." Mike said offhandedly.

"Nope, two different nations" said Bond, drinking some Pepsi.

"Damn, you mean we have to give the other Dubelco a warning?" asked Mike.

"Yup"

"This is just great, can't we do anything right?" says Mike disgustedly.

"We are pretty much the dumbest country in LETI" answers Bond.

"Well send out a new warning to the NEW Dubelco" snapped Mike.

***Urgent Communiqué to NEW Dubelco***

You have 12 hours to relinquish your strangle hold on the free movement of shipping through the LETI/LHTI canal system or we will take action to liberate these canals.

s/Mike of Mike and Mike Shipping
***********************

To: MadderMike
From: Col. Bratton, New Dubelco Military

We have not "taken" these locks as you say. We have gained control of them in accordance with the alliance set up by New Dubelco and the other LHTI members. We are restricting no trade whatsoever, but are logging ships as they move, and asking for reasons for movement thru the lock system.

In summation, if you wish to use the locks, all you have to do is ask. Have a nice day.

::In the Greater Federation the 16th MP Brigade Loads up on a mix of Civilian Transport and Military Transport Aircraft and Flys to MadderMike

Coming along are the 140 C-1B Transports that the Greater Federation Owns::

::All Across the Great Lakes Greater Federation Forces are put on ATCon 3::

Mike of Mike and Mike Shipping is once again reading official messages in his office. The concrete floors, walls and ceiling have been freshly painted and his shipping crate desk has also been painted the MadderMikian blue. He is muttering to himself about the New Dubelco communiqué when Mike Bond starts choking on his sandwich. Mike knows he is supposed to do the Heimlich maneuver but forgot how. So, instead he wacks bond on the back of his head with the butt of a 44 Magnum that was lying on the desk. Normally that wouldn't have helped Bond but he was knocked unconscious and fell across Mike's desk and dislodged the chunk of bread blocking his airway. Mike signalled for help and soon some EMTs took Bond away.

****Communiqué to New Dubelco and the LHTI Alliance of Canal Pirates***
You have 12 minutes to surrender control of the LETI/LHTI canal/locks or drastic measures will be taken.
s/Mike of Mike and Mike Shipping Prime Minister of MadderMike
***************


Mike thinks now would be a good time to get General Custer in here and get things started. He knows Bond and Em would try to talk him out of it but no one is going to tell him he has to ask to move through locks that were free just a couple of months ago.

Mike and Maj Gen Mike Armstrong Custer sketch out some plans and the General goes out to execute them.

Deep in the Mikian Alps six sets of huge blast doors slam open and the first wave of cruise missiles blast out of the mountains. These missiles have the "Schoolyard Bully" Artificial Intelligence system installed. They are targeted towards the military outposts and the guard posts of the LETI/LHTI canal/locks.

The "Broken Ankle" Airborne Division begins loading onto the transports. The FRAM II destroyers near the canal/locks and are at General Quarters ready for action. The two Los Angles class subs are prowling beneath the surface and the Arsenal Ship the MMS Aquaphobia closes towards the invasion fleet.

Mike calls in ADM Dewey Chief of Naval Operations and asks him about the new Seawolf class subs. The ADM replies that there are now 15 of them being outfitted and crews assigned. They are split between the Northern under-mountain submarine pens and the Southern.

The Nimitz-class carrier RNS Grey Wolf of the Nimzonian Fleet Dione, was crossing Lake Eerie with it's escorting destroyers and submarines, and a flotilla of troopships heading for LETIreijk. Suddenly, the fleet was on full alert, as a flight of cruise missiles soared past overhead.

On the bridge, two radar operators exchanged a glance.

"Do they ever stop shooting at each other? This place is crazy!"

"Tell me about it. I stood out on deck last night with no shoes on - and I still have all my toes."

----

Onboard the troopship RNS Duckfoot, Private Otto Jaarinen was not having the time of his life. His father, in his infinite wisdom, had prevented him applying for officer training, and he was sure that the old man had given the drill sergeant some extra encouragement to pick on him ten times as much as everyone else. Not to mention the fact that, so close to his goal of having a ponytail, he'd had a military haircut forced on him. Otto was miserable; he was sure it made him look thuggish, and not at all regal, and furthermore, his ears stuck out.

Currently, he was cleaning a humvee with a cotton wool bud. He had been given a whole humvee to clean, and only one cotton wool bud to do it with, and for what? Not shouting 'Yes Sir!' sufficiently loudly. Otto scowled to himself. The whole thing was a joke; what was this supposed to teach him? And he had another three years of it, at least. Maybe he could catch a tropical disease and be sent back home to Nimzonia.

From: Premiere Hans Gorebl
To: CMO James Hartman
Re: Revised Instructions

Congratulations, sir, on your overwhelming victory in Izimbeckwi. The war, however, is not nearly won. Your mission, should you choose to accept it, is to: 1) Solidify positions in Izimbeckwi
2) Prepare for possible Edensteinean hostilities
3) Win the hearts and minds of the local Zembecks

In addition to these orders I am granting you command of the 3rd and 5th Infantry Divisions, the 11th Stryker Division, and the 15th Cavalry division. The five divisions now under your control shall form under the “First Enforcement Army.” Field Marshals Bowers, Duncan, Gates, Spitzer, and Williams will be arriving at you command post shortly. Thank you, and good luck my friend.

P.S. <--This is what part of the alphabet would look like if “Q” and “R” were eliminated.

::In Main City (the main and only city in Lot Puck)::

Radom reporting guy: I gotta git inter see the Mugwamp.

Octu: Ya need a pointment to see the whole Mugwamp. What are ya bout?

RRG: I come to report on the meeting place that's been built. It's all set for Packs Gurm..uhhh...Packs Geranium.

Octu: I'll tell Consul Baq that the compound is ready. Thank ya.

::Octu shakes his head as RRG leaves.::

{underbreath} stupid hicks gonna ruin the whole thing mummble mummble

Consul Baq: Octu, what ye be mumblin bout?

Octu: The compound is set for Pax Germania's visitors.

Baq: Excellent!

::Baq goes immediately to the Hemp Room to start plans for greeting them.::

OOC: Where to start....

*The 128th and 594th Air mobility units consisting of 48 C-5 Galaxy's take off towards Madder Mike in accordance with a previous agreement*

*Out in the lake with the 6th fleet and the recently repaired and upgraded first fleet off the shore of Dubelco, Admiral Ulonov's battleships and destroyers are running target practice when he gets a communique from the Emperor on his palm, he looks at the palm, and finds it strange that the message is not encoded on secure channels*

To: Admiral Ulonov
From: Emperor Ed
Re: Operation Haymaker

Dimitri, I hope this message finds you well, with 1st fleet now battle ready and refit, we are expidting the retrofit of 6th fleet, 1st fleet will now continue with the operation. Phase two will commence at your descretion, General Onotov will be joining you to oversee land operations.

Good luck Dimitri

Ed

*Ulonov clears the message and puts his binoculers to his face and watches as a battleship round tears into a target farther out in the lake*

Ulonov: Well at least its not Zofia...

*In Linux, Alekzander and Sophia are sitting in the coffee shop discussing what is going on*

Alekzander: I have word that two entire divisions of the Edenstein military near Vostok are ready to defect, they are unhappy with the way that the government are treating them, they have been on active duty of 18 months now without much leave, their spirits are crushed.. I've also been told that they base they are stationed at has nuclear armaments

Sophia: Hmmm very intresting, I think that its time to impiment my plan....

*they continue to drink their coffee, when they finnish, Sophia stands up and walks towards the restroom with a brief case, a few moments later, she walks out wearing a buisness suit and a Duma Identification card, her blonde hair is now down and at shoulders length, she walks off towards the Duma builing with her brief case*

One of the first uses Nimzonian military officers had discovered for sand, was to bury troublemakers up to the neck in it, and leave them there for a few hours. This had been tried before with snow, but the survival rate hadn't been promising. This form of punishment, however, was proving to work miracles for discipline.

Private Otto Jaarinen had been buried up to his neck in the sand practically since disembarking from RNS Duckfoot. Six hours buried in the sand, as punishment for brawling. In some ways, Otto felt he was justified for punching the idiot who was constantly quoting all those statistics off that pirate radio station at him, although he vaguely understood the necessity for discipline. 'When I'm president', he thought, 'The first thing I'm going to do is declare war on Man Jayen, for saying all that crap about me.' To make matters worse, a couple of off-duty air force jocks had been walking along the beach, and found Otto to be a rather captive audience. After he yelled at them that they wouldn't know which damn fork to use for the third fish course either, they left a piece of seaweed on his face. Also, something was picking at his ear. He couldn't turn his head enough to see if it was a crab or a seagull or what, but it was beginning to annoy him. 'When I'm president, I'm going to ban the third fish course.' he decided.

Andaluciaen Election Results:

George von Harten (National Unity Party): 39%
William Brandt (Democratic Unity Party): 37%
Tobias James (Victory Party): 20%
Luke Trendol (Green Party): 2%

::Commentary::
George von Hartens ultra nationalist NUP has won the election, and will most likely form a coalition with Tobias James' ueber ultra nationalist party to control the Parliament. William Brandts moderate DUP was the clear loser, but will still retain some clout.

OOC: Hmmm I've got the forums kinda set up liked the old ones.. huzzah

IC:

*Stephani Schuster, main news anchor for Edenstein news is finnishing up the nightly news*

Schuster: Today in the Upper Duma of Edenstein, a New Majority leader, Sophia Utenska, was elected by an overwhelming majority in the general duma elections.

*Screen flashes to Sophia who is standing at the speaking podium, behind her, stands her personal body gaurd, a tall man wearing a black trench coat*

Sophia: My fellow members of the Duma, I look forward to serving you, and also, showing the Emperor that our voices, the voices of the people, and an often over looked segment of our population, the military, are heard and will carry the clout that they deserve! No longer will the Emperor rule un-checked allowing our military and our people to be treated as his little "Playthings"! *she slams her fist on the table* No longer will our people be oppressed!!

*the Duma chamber erupts with wild aplause, the screen flashes back to schuster*

Schuster: The Majority leader serves for a term of one year and there are no term limits. The Majority leader is responisble for what issues go before the Duma and the Emperor for debate and consideration.

Schuster: In inter regional news, as tensions highten between the COC, Manarth and Dubelco, the Edenstein Military has been put on high alert, there is no official word yet from the office of the Emperor.

Also on the other side of the lake, disscussions between New Dubelco and MadderMike have hit a stal point. As this event develops, we will keep you updated.

This concludes the news for tongiht goodnight Leti and Loti

**The metal sliding door on James Hartman’s command trailer slides open and Field Marshals EJ Williams, Robert Bowers, Andrew Gates, Anthony Spitzer, and Michael Duncan march in. Hartman glances at his guests and nods.**

Hartman: First things first. You maggots WILL salute me. We can’t have all order and discipline escaping us in this godforsaken country.

Field Marshals: Sir, Yes Sir!

Hartman: Alright, we have 50,000 men and we need to secure all of southern Izimbeckwi. How do you gentlemen suggest we go about doing this?

Gates: Sir, Field Marshal Andrew Gates, Commander 7th Heavy Mechanized Division. I suggest that my tanks relocate to the DMZ at the northern frontier of our occupational area along with an Infantry Division. The Stryker Division could patrol the lands directly south of my Division, and the Cavalry Division the lands further south. The remaining Infantry Division can be used to patrol the cities and distribute aid Sir.

Hartman: Outstanding! Any other suggestions?

Duncan: Sir, Field Marshal Michael Duncan, Commander 15th Mechanized Cavalry Division. Will we be getting any reconnaissance photos of the buildup north of the “Maginot Line?” Sir.

Hartman: Heh heh, Maginot Line, very funny. The answer is yes. I have arranged some U-3 flights over northern Izimbeckwi. Any other questions?

**Field Marshals shake heads**

Hartman: Good. Now get the F~&* out of my face!

**Field Marshals double-time it out of the command trailer.**

*Along the frontier in Izimbeckwi General Anatoly Kvashnin, new field commander of all forces in Izimbeckwi looks over maps and other sources of information at his disposal. He gets a disturbed look on his face*

Kvashnin: Major Boshin. are these troop movements accurate?

Boshin: Sir as much as we can confirm they are... they've moved up 4 divisons worth of soldiers, and have also started moving troops into the DMZ

Kvashnin: This is most troubling, it looks like our pax friends want to wrestle.... who is the comrade general?

Boshin: *looks over some paperwork* Comrade General James Hartman

Kvashnin: *scribbles a note onto a piece of paper and then summons a messenger* Take this through the lines to Comrade General Hartman, send him my best wishes..

Pvt. Pyle: Sir yes Sir!

*Pvt Pyle and another soldier load up into a jeep and head across the DMZ towards the lines of the Pax Forces the message that Pyle is carrying reads as follows*

To: Comrade General James Hartman
From: General Anatoly Kvashnin Field General for the Edenstein Army
RE: Discourse

Comrade General, I wish to meet you in person so that we may discuss the presence of our to forces here in this land. If you are willing, I would welcome you to dinner here at my outpost.

Sincerly and Respectfuly,
General Anatoly Kvashnin

**Private Pyle and company are seen through the scope of a Germanic sniper crouched invisibly in the brush.**

Sniper: Engine block or tire?

Spotter: Neither, they are messengers.

Sniper: Awwww.

**The Spotter turns on his radio and calls the sighting in to headquarters. Within a matter of minutes a row of five M1-A2 Abrams forms a half mile from the jeep.**

Tank Sergeant (over loudspeaker): Edenstein Messengers! Stop your vehicle! You must walk from there!

**Private Pyle arrives at the tanks several minutes later panting and dripping with sweat. He hands the Sergeant his message, which is then scanned onto a handheld computer**

**Instantly, James Hartman’s computer begins flashing and beeping. “INCOMING MESSAGE.” Hartman hurries to read the message from Kvashnin **

**Within minutes a small paper prints out of the Sergeant’s handheld scanner/computer.**

{{
To: Field General for the Edenstein Army, General Anatoly Kvashnin
From: Chief of Military Operations, James Hartman
RE: “RE: Discourse”

I would be honored to meet you General, but I cannot allow myself to stray too far from my command. I do agree that a meeting is in order, but I believe that now is not the time for pomp and circumstance. Perhaps we can have dinner together once every person in Izimbeckwi can have a meal on their plate.

Semper Fi, Carry on,
James Hartman
}}

**The message and Private Pyle are sent on their way.**

:: Premier Reginald Bartlett sends out a massive broadcast from Lake Superior, able to take over most bandwiths of Television and Radio in the Great Lakes Region::

Bartlett: Fellow Inhabitants of the Great Lakes, for too long has my nation been involved in the trials and tribulations of this region. This area has encountered constant warfare on massive scale. I have decided to move my nation from our longtime home in Lake Ontario to Lake Superior, a more sparsely populated region, one that will not encounter the massive warfare. As a further step, CoC renounces all treaties and international Agreements. The CoC Navy has begun selling our warships, we shall keep a small fleet to defend our coastline, but never again will we try to control the oceans. Well Edenstein has made the first purchase, they have bought 45(all) CoC Battleships at a greatly reduced price. More sales shall be offered or put up for auction in the future. The CoC is now Neutral in all Disputes and offers its services as mediation or arbitration. Furthermore, the entire CoC military is going down to a force of 140,000 for immigration control and border patrol. The rest of the army, Navy, Air Force and Marine Corps are joining private military companies. Yes the CoC now sells mercenary services, in no way connected to our government to the highest bidder. Right now we are putting up 4,000 B-2A Spirits for auction

Starting bid is 200 Billion Dollars.


Thank you and goodnight

WPB would like to take the time to remind everyone that WPB is the ONLY country that provides several major conglomorates to choose from for your military services, and provides not only air support, but naval support for only a small additional charge.

Please remember the Leader in the Great Lakes for all your mercenary needs. West Palm Beach.

Deep inside the Harrison Nuclear Test Facility the Andaluciaen team prepares for their culminating test. The guards seal the bunker doors, while the scientists peer out from behind the leaded blackout glass. A timer ticks down. Klaxons sound as it approaches zero. Everyone holds their breath as the timer hits zero, then, silently a ball of light expands instantaneously from a center point 90 miles away, the ball grows and crosses half the distance to the bunker, then silently recedes. The test of the fusion bomb was a total success.

**Tents Fingers** Eeeeeexcellent.

::A Commercial that has bought time and sponsored shows across LETI and LOTI::

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*Emperor Ed and Empress Carolyn are riding the ferry from South Bass Island (Put-in-Bay), Perry's monument is just fading out of sight as Ed turns to Carolyn. She is sitting on the bench, she is taking pictures of the sea gulls, in fact this will be her 6th roll of pictures just for the gulls*

Ed: Havn't you seen enough sea gulls by now?

Carolyn: Yes they are sooo cute!!! Hi seagull! Hi Seagull!!

Ed: Yes they are cute... Perry's monument has inspired me... If the United States and Great Britan can put aside their differences and live in peace, then So can us and the CoC's....

Carolyn: *Ignoring him* Ooooooooh look at this sea gull!!! Look at what he's doing!!! He's sitting there in the water!!!

*Ed looks in the water at the gull, like many of the other gulls he is sitting there, minding his own buisness, he sits down next to her*

Ed: *grabs Carolyns hands* Hun, what I'm going to do is build a memorial, remember last year, we went to war with the Clans... well... we need to remember the fallen...

Carolyn: *still looking at the gulls* Thats sweet hun.... just let me approve the designs... you are bad at that kind of thing...

Ed: BAD?! I am have approved all kinds of works in Edenstein!

Carolyn: Yeah, and they look bad... *She puts her arms around Ed*

Ed: You can go back to your sea gulls hun...

Carolyn: Ooooooh birds!

*Emperor Ed walks around the deck while Carolyn takes more bird pictures*

*Seal of Supreme Consul flashes across screen, then shifts to image of S.C. von Harten*

I come before you tonight to tell you of the progress on the superbomb project of my predecessor. We have recently successfully tested a fusion bomb in the Harrison Nuclear Test Facility. The weapon had a 45 mile blast radius. It destroyed everything within the area. It also did not leave any radioactive fallout. I intend for this weapon to be the spearhead of the Andaluciaen Strategic Weapons Corp.

This device heralds a new era of warfare. With Andaluciae surely as the leader. I ask for your support with this new weapon. Thank you, Good night.

Han Jakeway: Andaluciae has a mega nuke too? We need bigger nukes!

Irving Goldstone: Listen, the last thing we need at this point is to use more money on national defense. We'd have to reduce spending somewhere else, or raise taxes on our industrial sector, and then...

Jakeway: Listen, we knew Edenstein would never hit us with anything that large, but Andaluciae is a lose cannon. We've seen how easily their country is overthrown in the past, and even our current friendly relations are no guarentee of anything.

Goldstone: Very well, we'll begin a program to build a mega nuke, are you happy?

Jakeway: Not happy until it's done.

-----------------------------------------------------------------

Meanwhile, near Pax Germania....

The 15th Destroyer Squadron, based off the Athena Battle Group, is approaching the naval base in Eastern Detroit. Due to prevailing currents, they tend to swing close to Pax, in order to boost their total run time. Today, however something is different.

OOC: Remember this ENC corporation?

Although they are following Manarthian GPS, and appear on it to be 30 Kilometers out of Pax Mainland, safely in international waters, they are able to see the mainland, no more than 15 Km away by the best guestimate. Away in the distance, they can see the outlines of several ships on the horizon, but whether Pax warships or other ships, they cannot figure out.

1/2 hour ago in a deep underground bunker in E-C-N Corporation

Mr. Karlstein punches a few buttons and the positions of the GPS satellites most probably used by the maneuvering fleet are highlighted. Mr. Karlstein says to Mr. Grable "Could you change what those 4 birds are reporting for about 20 minutes then put everything back to normal?"

Mr. Karlstein watches as Mr. Grable (From Manarth) keys in an amazing amount of data in a very short time and says in a quiet voice "There, Mr. Karlstien I think that will do."

Mr. Karlstein says "That is excellent work let's see what has happened."

In the deep underground bunker in E-C-N Corporation

"Take a look at the satellite images of these ships getting too close to Pax Germania." Says Mr. Karlstein "You would make a great addition to our staff. Your blond hair and blue eyes will help you advance you know." he continues.

Karlstein: Why thank you. I figured that just the birds would be a bit out of place. I thought maybe just moving the whole picture over would be a bit better. I just wonder how our friends are going view this portrait.

He listens to the offer.

Karlstein: I would be more than honored to join your group. I know several people with sympathies to your group already in Manarth. It will be no trouble at all to create an active group of painters.

The Andaluciaen Supreme Consul George von Harten stumbles out of bed late at night. He walks over to his telephone, picks it up and says "I think I am having a heart at..." He falls over dead not to be revived.

"Liiiiieeeeeft right, left right, left right!" bellowed the Sergeant Major, "Come on, hut hut hut, get moving you maggots!"

Apple Company, of the recently formed 6th 'Fruit Salad' batallion filed out onto the beach, to stand in parade formation. The Fruit Salad batallions were hardly prestigious - they were more of a dumping ground for troops that the rest of the army didn't know what to do with. In any operation, they were usually the first to meet the enemy, and the last to get on the evacuation craft, assuming they hadn't left without them. 'Expendable' and 'cannon fodder' were two applicable terms.

Otto Jaarinen was now certain this was all some scheme of his father's to get back at him; it was as though the General had said 'You've humiliated me, so I'll humiliate you.' Any other unit could have 'made a man' of him, as his father had put it, but this one was likely to make a corpse of him. Or a puddle. Or maybe just some teeth stuck in a tree. Otto had had plenty of time to think about possible outcomes. The only advantage to being in the Fruit Salad batallions, was that if you consistently survived, you'd probably get promoted and moved to some more prestigious unit. That didn't happen often, though. Fruit Salad actions were given codenames like 'Operation Flesh-wall' and 'Operation Meat-shield'.

"'ten-shun!!" the Sergeant Major roared. The company stood there like statues out under the sun, which unlike it's arctic counterpart, provided actual heat. Most of the soldiers, who were aged from 17 to 19, were sweating, but if anyone passed out, they would wake up buried to their neck in the sand. The Sergeant Major, who was about 50, with a bright purple face and a large moustache, marched up and down in front of them, trailed by the greasy little lacky of a corporal that he had on standby to do any dirty work for him.

"Listen up, you worthless flesh sacks!!" yelled the senior NCO, "If I stop in front of you, you will recite your number, rank and name!! And you had better recite them promptly, or I'll throw you in the hole until your reactions improve!"

Otto stood to attention, as the Sergeant Major began ruthlessly berating some unfortunate trooper at the other end of the line. He could guaranteee that the Sergeant Major would pick on him, even if he'd already picked on the guy next to him. He spent every available moment keeping his kit in pristine condition, but they always found some excuse to throw him in the hole, which was just that, a hole in the sand full of rotting seaweed.

Sure enough, before long, the beady eyes of the Sergeant Major were fixed on his own.

"221-818-913 Private Jaarinen, Sir!!" he yelled automatically.

The Sergeant-Major inspected him for a moment. He could almost see the cogs turning in the NCO's head - there was nothing obvious to fault him for, but it was evident that he was damn well going to find something.

"What is that white mark on the side of your face, private!!??" the Sergeant Major spat in his face.

"That is a scar, sir!!" Private Jaarinen yelled immediately.

"How dare you turn up on my parade with a scar on your face, private!!" The senior NCO roared, shoving his face right up in front of Otto's, "I don't care who your father is, and I don't care who you think you are, but this kind of SLOPPY presentation is unnacceptable!!"

There was the slightest hint of annoyance in the tone of Otto's breathing, at the sheer unfairness of the attack, and that was really all the Sergeant-Major needed.

"What's this!!?? Think you're too good for this army, Private!? Think you're so good you can scoff at your sergeant maj- PAY ATTENTION!!" Otto was sure he hadn't moved a muscle, but the Sergeant-Major continued, "That's it!! I've had enough of your attitude, you horrible little man! CORPORAL! THROW HIM IN THE HOLE!!"

The sleazy little corporal grinned malevolently, hauling Otto out of the line by the shoulder. It was all Otto could do to restrain himself, but the consequences of actually talking back to the Sergeant-Major were a hundred times worse than the consequences of the Sergeant-Major arbitrarily deciding you were.

Andaluciaen Broadcasting Corporation Newsflash:

We have received reports that the Supreme Consul has died in his room. At the moment Minority Party Leader Brandt has been temporarily appointed in charge of the nation until the National Unity Party can get together a new S.C.

*Empress Carolyn is now seven months pregnant. Ed and Carolyn have returned from their trip to Put-In-Bay. Ed is trying to work while Carolyn is bugging him*

Carolyn: I still think you should have gotten the "Lake Erie Islands" T-Shirt.
Ed: Yes, dear.
Carolyn: I mean, how ironic is it that they are selling those. They don't even have our islands on them. And their islands aren't as cool as ours because ours are tropical.
Ed: Uh-huh.
Carolyn: You could even see Henceland Omega from the top of the monument. And if you looked really really hard you could make out the top of the Euphoni Colossal Monument.
Ed: I know, hun. I was there too, remember? Why don't you go down to Carianada and see how your advisors are doing. I hear there have been some disputes in the corporate sector. You haven't been to Carianada in a while.
Carolyn: Silly, I can't exactly travel now. I really need to get those pictures developed. There were some really good seagulls in there. Weren't they SO CUTE??
Ed: *sighs*
Carolyn: You're no fun... you know, I'm kind of hungry. *She pats her very large stomach* I think the baby wants pickles. Which is funny, because I normally hate pickles. Isn't it weird? I think I will also have ice cream with my pickles. Yeah, and then I could dip the pickles in the ice cream...
Ed: *puts down his pen* GO AWAY!!!!!
Carolyn: *smiles* Aw, how cute, you can't wait for me to get my pickles. Do you want me to bring you back some too?
Ed: *visibly seething* No, thank you, hun.
Carolyn: All right! *she leaves*

*Ed turns back to his work* Ed: Now where was I... oh yes, my report on how there are too many seagulls on the lake between Put-In-Bay and Henceland Omega... *he continues mumbling to himself*

OOC: This is a continuation of an RP started by Mike that I just now am getting to. Big whoops on my part.

IC: Day, a New Dubelcan small base near the locks to Huron. Being relatively small and new, it barely has a small crew, with only a platoon of men and a few Puma's. Suddenly, along the cost, missiles steak by head inland.
At the base...

Lt.: Sir, we have a West Palm Beach cargo ship approaching.

Commander: Good, on schedule as usual.

He reaches for the comm. to call the cargo ship when the radar officer screams.

Radar: SIR! Missiles incoming, lots!

Commander: Sound the alarm! Send word to Bratton! Move!

A message is sent to New Dubelco in Lake Huron. Men inside the base scramble as a 4 cruise missiles zing in and destroy the few buildings that there were.

Along the coast and locks, the bases that New Dubelco had are ravaged by missiles. Nations of Owen Sound and Baulderonia also have bases, but no word yet on there condition.

At New Dubelco’s C&C…

Bratton: *Slams fist on desk* What! I demand to know who did this atrocity!

Lt.: Yes sir, intel is beginning to scan the area for ships, but our range is limited, it could have come from Erie, which is beyond our jurisdiction.

Bratton: It’s not beyond Confeds jurisdiction….*he sighs* what’s the word on our Air Force?

Lt.: Sir, planes have just been shipped in. First round of troop recruits finishing basic now sir.

Bratton: Good. Send word to C&C, someone’s gonna pay.

Owen Sound base in Lake Huron/Lake Erie Canal system

LCOL Avery Bullrush the most senior member of the Owen Sound military was drinking his third cup of tea, using fine bone china he managed to purchase as "Headquarters Equipment". Owen Sound has a very small, very well equiped military.

LCOL Bullrush believed in training but naively never expected his troops to be used in any military action. He had seen action early in his career as part of an exchange program. He was assigned to an Iraqi ground force in the Iraqi/Irani wars. He was fully aware of how superior equipment could overcome even fanatical opponents.

He set his tea cup down upon the saucer just as a Lance Corporal burst into the office. Bullrush was about to upbraid the young man for breaching protocol when the man shouted "Incoming missiles!" LCOL Bullrush ran into the central parade grounds just as a huge cruise missile slammed into the barracks with an huge explosion. Two more missiles took out the armory and the motorpool. The last missile seemed to hesitate as if picking out its target then destroyed the Headquarters building and LCOL Bullrush's tea set.

Bullrush was shouting orders to the disarrayed and disillusioned troops, he pushed, cajoled, kicked, and shoved the soldiers into the pre-prepared open bunkers. They watched as more missiles flew overhead moving towards the Clydebank Shipyards encampment.

"What in hell is going on." He shouted to no one in particular. He noticed he was sitting next to a young radioman who couldn't be older than 18. He directed the radioman to contact the Clydebank Shipyard HQ to warn them. Then he wanted the radioman to contact the New Dubelco base to assess the damage there.

Bullrush was trying to find his staff, he seemed to be the only officer still alive. He spotted a staff sargent, gave him a field promotion to 2nd LT and told him to get the radar truck up and running pronto.

Clydebank Shipyard base in Lake Huron/Lake Erie Canal system

The entire 1/3 of a division, Clydebank Shipyards had commited to the defense of the canals was on a 10 mile march. COL John Campbell belived in fitness training. He had to, his men were poorly equiped with 303 Enfields 40 year old hand grenades, C-rations from God knows where, ill fitting and ineffective fatigues and old heavy combat boots. They had managed to lease a nice sandstone building for headquarters and two ramshackle steel buildings serving as motor pool, armory, barracks and mess hall.

The division was just crossing a rise overlooking their encampment when the radio crackled and the radioman ran up to COL Campbell. "Sir, Owen Sound reports Missiles headed towards us. They said missiles destroyed their entire base."

COL Campbell acted quickly ordering the men to disperse and dig in. The men scattered and began to dig into the soft farmland. From his vantage point COL Campbell could see their base erupt into a blazing inferno. One missile veered away from the base and appeared to be searching. It headed right towards the men and exploded right above them scattering cluster bombs all over the troops. Those that had not dug in furiously were killed or wounded by the multiple explosions.

(Balderonian post via proxy)

Balderonia Airforce Base, Erie/Huron Locks

Major Germine, also known as Count Germine VII, was in charge of a modest airforce base, located along the far side of the canal system, more towards Balderonia than the Erie side of things. It was, unofficially, the only Balderonian presence in the region. The lack of a large standing army, and a continued reliance on Dubelcoan and FA naval bases prevented anything more than two squadrons of FA produced Y-15 Fighter/Bombers (comperable to the F-16) commonly known to their pilots as Hound Dogs.

Major Germine himself, a rather rottund man, is busy reading the latest FA book published. Over Open Sights may not have been the greatest book ever written, but it went a long way toward explaining Featherstone's odd style.

Suddenly, his reading was interupted by his senior LT., one Baron Hendrix II, just as the base's alarms began to blare.

Hendrix: My lord, we've run into trouble!

Germine: What is it? Has Edenstein finally attacked Dubelco?

Hendrix: I don't know, but someone has opened fire on a New Dubelco base, and possibly a Clydebank one as well.

Germine: Oh hell. So much for a cushy assignment.

They walk outside, to find their pilots assembled. Giving a quick breifing, (unknown enemy, unknown possition, ect.) Germine gives the order.

Germine: Talon squadron, flights 2 and 3 will begin search and destroy, flight 1 and Havok flight 2 on reserve. Havok flights 1 and 3 will be on standby on the ground for a second wave, if need be. Get to your plains, and may God and his angels bless you all.

They mount up and fly towards the Dubelco base that was confirmed hit. Asking towards the ground, they request any information concerning where the missles came from, and their possible heading. Talon flights 2 and 3 begin to patrol out to sea, and flight 1 and Havok flight 2 remain over the ruins of the Dubelco base, ready to pounce on whatever is found.

In the ruins of the main Confed base, soldiers begin to pull themselves out of the rubble. The Commander along with most of the officers were killed in the attack as the building's exploded onto them. Out of close to 70 men in the base, 20 are counted dead so far, 19 wounded, 3 MIA. The highest ranking officer, a Lt. Matthew Nelan rounds up the last remaining mechanic's to try and repair the Puma's so the men can move to another base, if any still are intact.

4 wing's (5) of F-22's has been dispatched to patrol the area of the locks, with rotating shifts of wings for refueling. Wing 3 fly's towards the main Confed base and spies the wreckage. They radio to the Baulderonian flight:

Eagle 16: Baulderonian Aircraft, this is Eagle Flight Wing 3, we have 4 wings in the air now patroling, and naval vessels have been dispatched. Any clue as of yet to what happened. Over?

An Andaluciaen Transport Division 757 Jet touches down in pax Germania carrying the seeds of future warfare. Five crash proof crates are unloaded on the tarmac, and put onboard an armored transport. The transport carries the designs for the Andaluciaen Mega Nuke to the pax Germanian research team.

Fijar henceforth condemns the cruise missile attacks against New Dubelco.

The cruise liner Bladderfish, of the Nimzonian bargain-price cruise operator, Cuthroat Sealines, was approaching the Lake Huron canals. The cruise operator catered to the lower-end of society, who couldn't afford anything better, and the Bladderfish itself was a rust-encrusted old modified world-war II aircraft carrier, which, since it's glory days, had been subjected to all manner of indignity. There was even a wet T-shirt competition taking place on the main deck.

Captain Yuri Ptemkin wasn't even from Nimzonia, but was a Psyevdorusskiyan exile. Spending most of his time at sea in the Great Lakes was an excellent way of avoiding the Psyevdorusskiyan mafia, who wanted his head on a silver platter, although he never took his chances, and so the Bladderfish sported two 5" deck guns. Currently, he was fairly drunk, along with the rest of the crew, some of whom had fallen in the water and nobody had noticed, and was groggily adjudicating the wet T-shirt competition.

The Bladderfish steamed erratically onwards towards the canals, oblivious to the recent missile attacks.

2nd wing flies on into LETI to do some searching about 25 miles in. While traveling it spies the cruiseliner.

E8: What kind of ship is that?

E9: Looks like a cruise ship, records show it should be a cruise ship, but it looks like an aircraft carrier.

E8: Right....

They fly right past and continue searching...

Onboard the Bladderfish the helmsman, who is just as drunk as everyone else, is steering wildly and erratically, as the ship heads into the first lock. He isn't really paying attention, as he's much more focused on singing drunkenly at the top of his voice.

"In days of yore, the great god Thor would ramp around creation. *hic*
He'd... he'd drink a pint and slay a giant and save the Nordic nation,
Or kill a Worm to... er... kill a worm to... watch it squirm! ...and vainly try to fang him, *hic* er...
Or lock up Loki in the pokey and on the noggin bang him!! Hey!!"

Nobody on board was sober enough to notice that the ship was steaming headlong into the locks, swerving insofar as it was possible for such an unwieldy ship to swerve, and generally paying little heed to other shipping.

Owen Sound base in Lake Huron/Lake Erie Canal system

LCOL Bullrush was trying to get a firm count of the damages. Battle damage reporting was obviously a weakness in the Owen Sound military. LCOL Bullrush could not really be blamed for this, he never expected his troops to be involved in any action whatsoever.

It was quite apparent there were no officers other than himself left alive, out of 550 men 300 were killed in the explosions in the barracks and other buildings. There was another 150+ wounded. That left LCOL Bullrush with about 100 men. He was directing them and deploying them in a defensive posture when the reports of damage to the Clydebank Shipyards base trickled in.

He got on the radio and asked the Clydebank Shipyards Commander to move his operation over to Owen Sound's base. They had modern equipment but no men. The well financed construction crew who had put up the Owen Sound's armory had placed fire barriers and blast walls throughout the building. LCOL Bullrush had enough equipment to fully equip 1,000 men and only 100 left standing.

Clydebanks reports indicated they lost about 600 men and 300 wounded but still had over 2,000 trained men, plus they still had a command structure in-place. COL John Campbell (Clydebank Shipyard) was a half-day's march north of the Owen Sound base and they were on the move.

(Balderonian post via proxy)

Balderonia Airforce Base, Erie/Huron Locks

Major Germine, also known as Count Germine VII, was in charge of a modest airforce base, located along the far side of the canal system, more towards Balderonia than the Erie side of things. It was, unofficially, the only Balderonian presence in the region. The lack of a large standing army, and a continued reliance on Dubelcoan and FA naval bases prevented anything more than two squadrons of FA produced Y-15 Fighter/Bombers (comperable to the F-16) commonly known to their pilots as Hound Dogs.

Major Germine himself, a rather rottund man, is busy reading the latest FA book published. Over Open Sights may not have been the greatest book ever written, but it went a long way toward explaining Featherstone's odd style.

Suddenly, his reading was interupted by his senior LT., one Baron Hendrix II, just as the base's alarms began to blare.

Hendrix: My lord, we've run into trouble!

Germine: What is it? Has Edenstein finally attacked Dubelco?

Hendrix: I don't know, but someone has opened fire on a New Dubelco base, and possibly a Clydebank one as well.

Germine: Oh hell. So much for a cushy assignment.

They walk outside, to find their pilots assembled. Giving a quick breifing, (unknown enemy, unknown possition, ect.) Germine gives the order.

Germine: Talon squadron, flights 2 and 3 will begin search and destroy, flight 1 and Havok flight 2 on reserve. Havok flights 1 and 3 will be on standby on the ground for a second wave, if need be. Get to your plains, and may God and his angels bless you all.

They mount up and fly towards the Dubelco base that was confirmed hit. Asking towards the ground, they request any information concerning where the missles came from, and their possible heading. Talon flights 2 and 3 begin to patrol out to sea, and flight 1 and Havok flight 2 remain over the ruins of the Dubelco base, ready to pounce on whatever is found.

OOC: Hound Dogs Eh?

Someone else must have just bought Return engagements (I've had it for a week but finished the day after I bought it)

Turtledove better get the next book done quickly



OOC: hey Mike, Those MP Airborne Brigades will still fight for you, but they are now mercenaries not official Soldiers of the CoC.

Lt. Nelan has done everything he can to scrounge all the supplies and equipment from the base. The last few mechanics have fixed up the Puma's and the remaining men pile 6 trucks full of equipment. Nelan calls them all over.

Nelan: Alright, now then. The base has been searched thoroughly. All necessary equipment has been taken and put on the trucks. The next Confed base was approximately 9 miles due north. However, there is an Owen Sound base 5 miles North of here. We need to get to the base, that way with their help we can move to the main lock installation. If the missiles have hit the main lock bases, then ships moving in and out won't be able to get through. Lets Go!

The men pile onto the trucks, and into the 3 Puma's. The convoy sets out for the Owen Sound base.

Talon 5: Negative Eagle Flight 3. We've got people doing a recon on the area, but I'd bet dollars to donuts it was just a sub.

Talon 9: Nothing yet over here. Nothing but water, at any rate.

The flights continue to patrol.

Lake Huron/Lake Erie Canal system

For about 10 minutes all the radar screens, ground based and airborne are filled with white noise. A huge MadderMikian Advanced AWACS plane has started to blast the area with electronic countermeasures jamming signals. A squadron of cargo planes with Edenstein markings painted out start dropping paratroopers and a brigade of MP Airborne troops 6 Kilo's east-southest of the Owen Sound base. The MP Airborne troops have no markings at all on their uniforms, the other airborne troops have the unmistakable "Broken Ankle" insignia of the famous Ninth Airborne of MadderMike.


With or without the insignias it would have been clear to the most casual observer these were MadderMikian troops. They are equiped with the latest M4A, with grenade launchers, but most of them also carry S&W 9mm in holsters, usually 2 sometimes 3. Most also carry riot shotguns on slings over their backs, and every pocket pouch and clip on the front of their uniforms contain additional ammo magazines. They are loaded for bear or anything else.

The Psyevdorusskiyan submarine Penguinsk, one of four old november-class submarines that made up the entirety of the Psyevdorusskiyan submarine force, had been tracking the cruise liner Bladderfish for several days now.

Commander Nikolai Andropov hated having to do errands for the Organitzya, but escaping their influence in Psyevdorusskiye was ultimately futile. It was best not to argue, and just get on with it. By now, though, he was getting quite frustrated, as every opportunity he'd so far had to fire on the Bladderfish had been snatched away from him. It was true what they said about the great lakes; you couldn't sail for more than an hour or two without coming across a military convoy of some form or another, and he'd rather not get caught out there doing the mafia's dirty work.

Eventually sonar reported that the Bladderfish was steering erratically and losing speed, and that a firing opportunity was coming up. For the moment, there didn't seem to be any other naval units in the immediate area.

"Torpedo room, load a SET-65, and let's get this over with." Andropov muttered into the intercom.

Maybe he rushed the targeting solution just a little bit, but captain and crew both wanted to get out of the great lakes region as soon as possible, and the Bladderfish wasn't exactly a difficult target. Andropov gave the order to fire, and, having watched the heavy torpedo streak off towards the cruise liner, gave the order to come about and get the hell back out into the atlantic.

Onboard the Bladderfish, a drunken conga line was going around the deck. There was supposed to be a DJ playing some tunes onboard, but nobody could find him. It was possible that he'd fallen overboard. In his place, captain Ptemkin was leading the crew in a rendition of 'The Thong of Thor'. It was slowed down by the fact that nobody could remember all the words, although most of them were slurring so much that it probably didn't matter.

"Iiiiiiin Midgard land he joined a band of hardy Viking ruffiiiiaaaans,
And off they sailed and rowed and bailed among the auks and puffiiiiaaaans!
Whene'er they'd reach a foreign beach they stopped to raid and pluuuuuuunder!
Each Nordic brute got so much loot their longship near went uuuuunder!"

Ptemkin was so drunk, that he imagined himself to be the greatest conductor in the world. The next verse trailed off, as he imagined himself conducting the Koenberg Philharmonic Orchestra. He glanced over the side of the deck into the water, more or less on a whim, and spotted some dark shape cutting through the water, coming towards the ship. He waved his arms.

"Hey! Look everybody! A dolphin! Loooksssh..." he waved them over, "Can you see it down there? A dolph-"

At that point the torpedo struck the cruise liner amidships, exploding in a huge fireball that blew the flimsy rustbucket clean in half, throwing crew and passengers into the air. Small bottles of whiskey and apple schnapps were hurled in all directions. Having been so thoroughly obliterated, the remaining pieces of the ship sank quickly.

Deep insertion commando's Lake Huron/Lake Erie Canal System

LT Mike Crocket "Send an uplink scrambled message to "Psychiatric Examiner" It looks like New Dubelco just sank a Nimzonian LETIreijk cruiseliner. No I don't know how to spell LETIreijk."

Michaelgrad, Capital of MadderMike
MadderMikian News Network
"Mike SquareJaw here we just received information that New Dubelco just sank a Nimzonian LETIreijk luxury liner bound for Lake Huron. Hundreds of people missing. The star of the Cuthroat Sealines. Mike of Mike and Mike Shipping our Prime Minister has issued a stern warning to New Dubelco stating that under the provisions of the non-agression pact between Nimzonia and MadderMike, MadderMike will provide military assistance to the Nimzonian colony for its first year of existance in LETI."


Deep in the underground bunker government offices in Michaelgrad

Mike of Mike and Mike Shipping "How in the hell did that provision get into that treaty? Who wrote that piece of crap anyway? It does serve us well it now gives us a true reason to go to war."

Mike Bond Minister of Intelligence and Information "Um Mike, we have no proof the rust bucket was actually sunk by New Dubelco."

Mike (M&MS) "No but everyone will believe us when we show pictures from "our" spy satellite feed. Get those pictures to the news. Photoshop in some New Dubelco ships in the general area."

*Empeor Ed is sitting in his office when Lt. Zofia, Admiral Ulonov, and Lt Gen Onotov walk in, they salute the Emperor*

Ed: What is it?
Ulonov: Emperor, it seems as if Madder Mike has begun an attack on New Dubelco...
Ed: *Stands up* What of the 6th fleet off of the coast of Dubelco Proper?
Ulonov: Holding fast, waiting for orders...
*Emperor Ed Paces in his office*
Ed: What of the Newly commissioned 12th fleet in Superior?
Ulonov: Just completed their shake down cruise..
Ed: And what of 9th army group?
Zofia: Emperor, the 9th is ready at a moments notice..

*Ed looks over his newly expanded Great Lakes Map, it has pins and strings notating where fleets and army groups are located, he grabs two of the four pins that are located in superior and move them into Huron*

Ed: Order the 23rd fleet into Huron.. this is an Expiditionary Force.... lets see whats going on.... if warented, we'll send in the 24th with ground forces attached to it.. Thats all..

*They all salute and head back out, the Emperor sits back down at his desk*

*Empeor Ed is sitting in his office when Lt. Zofia, Admiral Ulonov, and Lt Gen Onotov walk in, they salute the Emperor*

Ed: What is it?
Ulonov: Emperor, it seems as if Madder Mike has begun an attack on New Dubelco...
Ed: *Stands up* What of the 6th fleet off of the coast of Dubelco Proper?
Ulonov: Holding fast, waiting for orders...
*Emperor Ed Paces in his office*
Ed: What of the Newly commissioned 12th fleet in Superior?
Ulonov: Just completed their shake down cruise..
Ed: And what of 9th army group?
Zofia: Emperor, the 9th is ready at a moments notice..

*Ed looks over his newly expanded Great Lakes Map, it has pins and strings notating where fleets and army groups are located, he grabs two of the four pins that are located in superior and move them into Huron*

Ed: Order the 23rd fleet into Huron.. this is an Expiditionary Force.... lets see whats going on.... if warented, we'll send in the 24th with ground forces attached to it.. Thats all..

*They all salute and head back out, the Emperor sits back down at his desk*

OOC: Your kidding me.....

Personal Response from New Dubelco Colony Leadership Col. Bratton:

In regards to our recent attacks, we ask for any assistance that could be given at this time as many other nations are affected in our region. I have also been informed that a Nimzonian Cruiseliner was destroyed in Erie bound for Huron. I will say this, New Dubelco at this time does not own any submarines, nor has any of our Naval equipment been into Erie. We have no qualms with Nimzonia nor its allies, nor does all of Confed. I hope that the lives lost at the locks were not in vain.

In his makeshift offices in the still under construction regional capital of Letiburg, governor Lagerfelt was reading a hastily assembled report on the sinking of the cruise liner. There was also the offer of military assistance from MadderMike, although he didn't know what to do with that at the moment.

He was aware that Admiral Wilhelmsson had gone over his head, and now Fleet Marshall Folkvadr was sending out another fleet to LETIreijk. There was another communique on his desk from General Jaarinen himself, simply saying "Do whatever it takes to determine accountability and extract reparations. Show the great lakes we mean business."

He dabbed at his forehead with a handkerchief; although he had two electric fans and the ceiling fan on at full power, there was still a certain amount of temperature in his office. Eventually, he slid over to his computer, and tapped out a couple of messages.

Firstly, addressed to the government of MadderMike, was a request for their intelligence regarding the possible involvement of New Dubelco in the sinking of the Bladderfish.

Second, was a public statement that he sent to one of his spokesmen, demanding that those responsible for the sinking of the cruise liner own up immediately, or face grave retaliation when their identities are discovered.

6 Kilometers east of the Owen Sound Base in Lake Huron/Lake Erie Canal system

The "Broken Ankle" airborne division begins to form up in the assigned regimental areas. This was a small division only about 5,000 strong. The MP brigade with no markings on their uniforms were also forming in their assigned areas. They begin to move towards their target, first Owen Sound Base then onto the main New Dubelco base. The plan was a three pronged attack on the Owen Sound base.

The various units advanced on the Owen Sound base. There was some sporatic fire fights on the northern edge of the invading force.

Northeast of the Owen Sound Base

COL John Campbell leader of the Clydebank Shipyards infantry division was urging his troops on to get to the Owen Sound base. They were only about 1 Kilometer away when reports of a large force advancing on the base from their south began pouring in. It was clear from the reports that this other force fired first. COL John Campbell's soldiers were taking advantage of the suburban area to fend off the attacks while still moving towards the base.

COL John Campbell had his radiomen warn the Owen Sound base and had them relay to New Dubelco what was happening.

COL John Campbell was commenting to Capt McDonald that air support would be nice. Now that both groups were into the suburbs it was going to make airstrikes difficult.

Owen Sound Base

COL Avery Bullrush was talking to the newly appointed 2nd LT at the radar truck when the screens went to white snow. The 2nd LT began adjusting knobs, dials, gain everything he could adjust. Col Bullrush told him to stop it and get ready for action. He explained something external was causing the interference and that was not a good sign.

Col Bullrush sent a private off to sound the alarm. This time the troops responded immedately. They were armed and ready.

-----------15 Minutes Later------------

Sounds of gunfire to the Northeast picked up in intensity just as the first units from Clydebank Shipyards entered the compound. Capt McDonald reported to Col Bullrush. He described the enemy as airborne troops that carried a tremendous amount of firepower. His men reported the enemy fired twenty shots when one would do. They both agreed it had to be MadderMikian troops.

Col Bullrush was glad to see some officers and explained his situation. He also invited Capt McDonald and his troops to take advantage of the large supply of modern weaponry available in the Owen Sound armory.

Capt McDonald was pleased and set up relay teams to bring out the new weapons and redirected some of the assembled troops into a better defensive position. The Clydebank soldiers were taking possession of the new equipment with a gleam in their eyes.

By now more Clydebank men were arriving and they began to breakout the few artillery pieces and some heavy machineguns. Capt McDonald assured Col Bullrush whoever was arriving was in for a nasty welcome.

Col Bullrush called his radiomen together and told them to relay the position of the enemy force and told them to approach the base only from the west. He and Capt McDonald estimated the size of the force to be upwards of a full division. The radio team relayed the message to New Dubelco and to Balderonia.

::In the throne room of the Hence Palace, Premiere Zed Carmine has been anxiously awaiting reports from Helmholtz Watson. The door opens from the map room and Watson comes in grinning::

Helmholtz: I've got the info you wanted. I think we'll be able to put this together real nice. ::He hands some papers to Carmine. While Carmine reads them, Jenny Hartwind enters the room. She nods at Helmholtz, who smiles back at her. Carmine gives the papers back::

Carmine: This will work. I need to get a communique out to Edenstein. I don't think I've talked a lot to the Emperor since he returned, but this would be the best way to do it.

Helmholtz: Might I suggest we discus this with Ulonov as well? He would probably be in full support of this.

Carmine: That sounds like a good plan. Make it so. Then I want you to go to the newsrooms. I'm not too concerned about a lot of these things going on right now. You know what I want them focusing on...

Helmholtz: Of course. ::He exits the room::

Carmine: Yes, Ms. Heartwind, what can I do for you?

Jenny: As you know CoC has returned, left us high and dry as you expected, moved, and is now liquidating their military equipment. I think we should get in on this. We've always been on of the only LETI countries to keep good rapport with them, I think it might be to our benefit. General Kahr has voiced his support also.

Carmine: Hmm... sounds like a plan. I know just how to do it too...

OOC: I'm back for good now hopefully!

1 Kilometer east north east of the Owen Sound Base

Field Major Mike Westmoreland was guiding his 6 companies towards the Owen Sound base from the north east when they ran into the Clydebank flank. He ordered the men to commence firing. There was a tremendous eruption of guns, and a murderous hail of bullets flying in the general direction of the Clydebank forces. Westmoreland was pacing back and forth around his men cajoling them to aim first not just fire randomly.

He noticed a small cape cod house sagging at one of its corners as it was peppered with holes. Apparently there used to be a Clydebank squad harrassing them from that position. Ammo wasn't usually a problem as most of the men just filled their backpacks with ammo forgetting almost everything else.

He called up a machinegun crew to take out a pesky group of soldiers hiding behind a snowplow. The crew arrived with a twin M60 machinegun unit. Most of the machinegun crews had concocted a method of pairing up the M60's for more firepower. The MadderMikian machine gun crews were much larger than the usual 2 or 3 man crew. This was necessary because they carried much more ammo and replacement barrels. They tended to burn them up at a high rate due to never letting off the triggers.

Most armies measure kills per round of anywhere up to about 100 rounds/kill, not MadderMike, it usually ranges in the thousands.

They were pushing the Clydebankers back or more towards the southwest. Not that the Clydebankers were not brave but the sheer pressure of guns brought to bear made it impossible to stand and fight.

So far the battle seemed to be a Clydebanker pops up shoots one round from the 303 Enfield and a MadderMikian drops, about a thousand rounds hits the Clydebanker and he drops. The MadderMikian airborne has moved to within 500 yards of the perimeter of the Owen Sound Base.

The first rounds from the artillery pieces savage the MadderMikians. Westmoreland is shouting orders to dig in. The heavy machinegun fire from the base starts to take a toll also.

Across the border from the Welland canal, FA troops maintain their patrols. Occasionally running into their HO, COC, Manarth or Edenstein opposite numbers, they have always maintained a civility in the region. Things might have been tense, but then borders tend to be.

Today was different. The XII Corps, which had been the patrolling unit since the beginning of the occupation, had been recently replaced by III Corps due to a troop rotation. III Corps 4 divisions, 2 armored and 2 mechanized infantry, have been moving more and more south and west in their patrols. Now was their time to strike.

With VI Corps, made up of mostly mechanized infantry moving along toward FA territory from the mainland, III Corps began it's decent into Fei Fong Wong occupied territory. Lead elements crossed after a heavy artillery bombardment.

Manarth controlled and CoC controlled locks fall, the Manarthians not putting up much of a fight, and the CoC surrendering. HO and Edenstein remain unknown.

OOC:*Grumble grumble grumble*

Here is the link to the canal "Dispute"

http://forums2.jolt.co.uk/showthread.php?p=6779732&posted=1#post6779732

*Ulonov is sitting in his study working on his putting when he recieves a message from Ice Admiral Tarkin*

Urgent Transmission!

"Admiral Ulonov, this is Vice Admiral Tarkin from the Command Ship HHS Executor. I'm sure you are aware that FA has just begun an attack on the garisson forces at the Welland Canal. At this point, I would like to suggest a combined attack. I would like to send my own planes from here to the conflict, and attack as quickly as possible..."

*Ulonov sits back down after reading the communicae.. he isn't aware of the conflict... but none the less, he contacts Admiral Tupalov, commander of the fifth fleet*

Tupalov: *On the video conference, he turns around and salutes* Yes Admiral,

Ulonov: Have meaures been taken to stop the advance?

Tupalov: Yes sir.. any further orders....

Ulonov: Yes.... initiate project D

Tupalov: *gets a knott in his throat* Project D sir? Fleet 5 or 7?

Ulonov: Both..... You have your orders.. Ulonov out..

*Tupalov salutes and then the screen cuts out, Ulonov picks up his putter again and continues to practice*

The convoy pulls up over a rise about a half a mile away they can see the Owen Sound base.

Nelan: Alright, once we get to the base, I'll try and radio C&C for instructions. Jenkins, I want you and the men to set up shop, but be prepared to move at any time.

The convoy drives on towards the base.

*Supreme Consul Brandt sits in his office, stacking shot glasses alone. He gently laughs and mutters to himself...*

Brandt: hehe...it's all going to hell...(gulps down another shot)...hehe...great wars...hehe...victory in LE(hic)TI...hehe....

General Wilhelm enters the room to inform him of the developments in the canal conflict.

General Wilhelm: Sir, it would appear that the war is about to begin in full now...sir...sir?

Brandt: What (hic)? Why do we care (hic) anymore?

General Wilhelm: Sir, you're drunk...

Brandt: So? What difference does (hic) it make?!? All these formerly (hic) rational leaders are behaving the same (hic) bloody way. (gulps down another shot)

General Wilhelm: Umm...sir...

Brandt: It doesn't matter (hic) anymore. Don't you (hic) see? With only some (hic) nations having Meganukes the concept of MAD is (hic) out! (gulps down another shot) The only (hic) thing we can hope to do is (hic) give everyone a Meganuke! (hic).

General Wilhelm: Umm...I'm going to leave sir...

Brandt: Whatever.

::IN the Hence Palace, Carmine receives his daily and weekly reports. he reads over things, ignoring for now the Welland conflict, the MadderMike/Dubelco scuffle and other such things. He frowns at one point on his summary. He looks up where Dimitri Raskalnokov is standing::

Carmine: This public message from S.C. von Harten interets me a great deal.

Raskalnokov: I thoughtit would. I've spent some time analyzing it to see the validity of their claim.

Carmine: Validity? Of course it isn't valid!

::Helmholtz Watson pipes up from across the room::

Watson: Why not? Why would they claim to have a meganuke when they don't?

Carmine: Because it's not plausible. Even the United States of America has not successfully figured out fusion power. And let's think about this for a minute. Aside from the supposed meganuke, what is the most destructive weapon around?

Watson: Why that would be the High Orbital Ultra Nuclear Device, developed and sold by an eccentric nation that seemed to be ahead of its time. Of course, that nation vanished suddenly one day, and now there is only one remaining bomb in the world to our knowledge.

Carmine: Precisely! And you're telling me that a nation in our area has come up with fusion power when HOUNDs are themselves discontinued due to powers beyond our control? Something seems fishy about this...

Raskalnokov: Sir, I hate to change the subject, but what are your plans regarding the attacks on the Welland Canal?

Carmine: Oh that? Between you and Tarkin, do whatever it takes to stop it. Short of testing fusion weaponry that is. Heh heh heh...

Deep in the underground bunker containing MadderMikian Government offices

Mike of Mike and Mike Shipping receives the photoshopped satellite images of the "attack" on the Nimzonian LETIreijk cruiseliner (with a New Dubelco ship on the edge of the image). He tells them to make it grainier and adds a photo from the advanced guard commando team. This photo clearly shows a helicopter with New Dubelco markings dropping a torpedo. The next shot shows the torpedo exploding in the side of the cruise liner. The fact they were taken 500 miles apart and two weeks in time difference doesn't matter. This is diplomacy not science.

After the proper adjustments were made in the photos they were faxed (to further distort the image) to Letiburg care of Governor Lagerfelt.

East of the Owen Sound Base

The full force of the Ninth "Broken Ankle" airborne division was approaching the Owen Sound base. They were slowed by an old farmer who thought WWII was erupting again and took potshots at them from a farm house. The old farmer escaped via tunnel to his barn and watched as thousands of bullets hit his house and destroyed it. When the MadderMikians had determined the area was clear they moved on.

The two Owen Sound artillery pieces were also slowing down the advancement.

In the canal system two of the MadderMikian FRAM II (WWII vintage) destroyers had managed to enter the canals before the cruiseliner blocked the southern entrance. These ships had the advanced automated 5" 62 cal gun mounts but the crew were not very well trained. A well thrown rock could probably penetrate the hull of either of the destroyers were it not for the 82 coats of paint.

The two destroyers begin to shell the Owen Sound Base. Most of the hits were in the surrounding suburbs, one or two managed to hit the base and the remainder fell into the MadderMikian ranks.

OOC:This will be my last post for about a week and a half. We can suspend or Dave you can take control of the Owen Sound and Clydebank crews. Nimzonia you can take the MadderMikians, kill all you want just leave me someone to RP when I get back.

OOC: I think we'll just suspend, its going well enough.

*Seal of the Supreme Consul flashes across the screen, William Brandt, the acting SC is on the screen*

Good evening. Tonight I come before you on a matter of the greatest national importance. We have decided to demonstrate the full effect of the Meganuke.

What will happen is a test of the device, with diplomats and advisors from all nations will be invited to the Andaluciaen nuclear test facility. We will allow full access to the representatives to view the plans of the Meganuke, and then we will detonate a medium power device whose blast radius will be 20 miles. After this we will serve refreshments.

We would like to invite representatives from all members of LETI to join us in 5 days. Remember, bring your sunglasses and sunscreen!

signs off.

::Carmine watches the newsflash and stops for a minute::

Carmine: Dimitri!

Raskalnokov: Yes Sir?

Carmine: I want you to be there for this. I want you to go with General Kahr and Mr. Watson. Be on the lookout, and make sure you take very good notes there. I want to know for sure how they managed to pull this off...

Raskalnokov: Of course.

Watson: Umm, sir?

Carmine: Yes?

Watson: If we could, I'd like to contact Slotter and make sure he doesn't have anything up his sleeve for the event.

Carmine: Watson, Slotter may be a maniacal terrorist leader, but he's not a moron...

::Meanwhile, in Sgt. Slotter's secret hideout::

Slotter: Eddie! I want you boys to go to Andaluciae.

Eddie: Yes sir. Which nation shall we pose as this time?

Slotter: Tell them you're from DOS. That nation has not been involved at all in international politics lately, so there's little chance anybody'll notice.

Will: What're our objectives?

Slotter: Simple enough. Get me the plans for that meganuke...

*General Strinel is supervising the preparations for the Muganuke festivities*

Strinel: Remember, have those gift bags ready by tomorrow at noon, we don't want the reps to leave empty handed, do we?

Corporal Klinger: Yes sir, what assortment do you want of the Meganuke parts?

Strinel: Do whatever you want, I don't really care, just so long as you don't give anyone enough to build an entire bomb.

and, Dr. Schnorkel, do you have the presentation ready?

Dr. Schnorkel: Ja, I do. Zee preezentation vill be ready on time, but, do you vant zee layzer demon...demon...demonstration to happen?

Strinel: Yes, I want them to be surprised at our progress on fusion power, and you are planning for the blast to come 2 feet away from the window?

Dr. Schnorkel: Ja, it vill

OOC: Ed, how many of your fleets are... say... Outside of LETI? (Excluding the one in LOTI of cource, I mean LHTI LMTI and LSTI.)

::In the Hence Palace Helmholtz Watson packs his things to head to Andaluciae. He seems slightly disturbed. Jenny Heartwind walks by and notices::

Jenny: Hey, what's your problem?

Watson: Nothing really. I'm just a little concerned about the state of things here in LETI. With the Welland conflict going on and a test of a fusion powered meganuke, the whole stability of LETI is on a pinhead

Jenny: Well I've got news for you, that's the way things ALWAYS are in LETI. It's no different now.

Watson: Well I'm also wondering about Carmine. Especially after his new policy regarding MadderMike.

Jenny: Oh you mean the new new one? Where suddenly we dont' hate them anymore?

Watson: Yeah, I mean I understand why he's doing that, but why would he do the anti-MadderMike sentiment inthe first place?

Jenny: Power. Just to see how well he can hold his people. I like it. Approval ratings are at the same level they were under Corran, and going up. Granted part of it is because we arrest Corran supporters and throw them into the dungeons, but hey, who's keeping track?

Watson: Are you going with us to the test?

Jenny: No, I have things to do. Besides, I'm going to help draft this new thing Carmine's working on so it's ready when the Canal conflict is over or the testine is over, whichever happens first. It should be very interesting!

::She grins at Watson, flips her hair back, and exits the room. Watson is blushing noticeably::

*In the large conference room, Edensteins top advisors, military figures and others are all talking about the surprise attack that has happened at the locks*

Rumpsfeel: For all you know Lt. this could be the start of an all out invasion of LETI... or even Edenstein it self....

Lt. Zofia: Rumpsfeel.. I can obviously tell you've never been in the military... you have your head so far up your patuska that you can't see the light of day...

General Alexander Putin: Zofia.. there is no need for that... I realize that this is a situation...

Ulonov: There ya go.. the army trying to run things again... not on my watch..

*Zofia and Putin Glare at Ulonov*

Zofia: Why I oughta... *She lunges for Ulonov and is held back by Petrov and Onotov... while Ulonov is held back by Admiral Kustan*

Empress Carolyn: *looking at her pictures from PIB, she stands up and hands one to Ulonov, it is of a painting of Oliver Hazard Perry* Here Dimitri, I thought that you might like this one... *she walks over to Zofia and gives her one of the battery guns along the street, this one in particular has a seagull sitting in the barrel* Here Zofia.. this one is for you..

Zofia: Thank you Empress.. but wouldn't you like it for your own collection?

Carolyn: Its ok! I had quintoplets made! *she heads back to her seat*

Emperor Ed: So... getting down to the thick of it.... what is happening..

Lt. General Onotov: Emperor... the situation to put it bluntly... we got caught with our pants down.... All of our forces.. Army.. Airforce... Navy... where equipped and trained to fight a war with the CoC and Manarth... plain and simple... *The assembled nod in agreement*

Ulonov: Sir... we started preparing for the FA threat.. but I fear that it was too little too late.. currently our 7th fleet is isolated and trapped in LOTI...

Ed: *Thumbs through some ariel photos of the area* What is the situation currently?

Onotov: *she stands up with a clicker, the lights go down, and in the middle of the table a real time hologram of the the battlefield lights up.. all over the map are red arrows showing the enemy.. in the air, and on the land.. the number of green arrows representing Edenstein troops are slowly becoming less and less*

As you can see... our troops are being severly beaten on the ground... estimates put the number of dead and wounded at around 1000 currently... they severly caught us by surprise...

Zofia: *touches the panal in front of her and it zooms in on the bases surronding the locks* As you can see.. our troops are pinned down here.. *arrows flash to where the troops are* Reports are that they are losing ground... and being closed in... *maps zoom out to show aproximatly where the enemy forces are* Before long they will be surrounded....

*Mumbling can be heard from the group*

Admiral Kustan: *Zooms out the map* We have the fifth fleet here... *arrows* and the 7th fleet here *arrows* They've launched airstrikes against the ground troops here and here.. *arrows* and engaged in air combat with FA fighters.. *many little arrows light up* Also they've launched roughly another 80 aircraft to join the fray... also.. HO fleets have committed roughly another 75 aircraft.

Unfortunatly between ground sorties, and AA combat our fleets are becoming strechted to their limits... they are quickly running out of aircraft to scramble.. the fleets can't be left vulnerable but we are sending our pilots to die...

Emperor Ed: Alright... suggestions...

Zofia: Simple... land the marines attached to the two fleets..... massive bombardments of the oncoming troops by Naval forces and bombers... Push FA back into the sea..

Ulonov: Don't listen to her.. let the little ground vermin fight their way out.. we'll give them some air support.. but I'm suggesting a full pull out of Naval forces... Send the 7th to deep water.. and pull the 5th back.. keep the navy's secure..

*They glare at each other*

General Putin: I have a better idea... is the air field at the locks still operational?

Onotov: for the most part yes....

Putinl: Well why don't we all co-operate once in a while...

Zofia: It is a novel concept..

Putin: Well from the looks of things... without dumping a hell of a lot of resources and man power into the canals at the moment... they are lost...
*Reluctant nods*
To save a lot of our fighting men and women.. lets get them the hell out of there... The airforce will fly in and have 1-2 minute turn arounds.. land load wounded and dead.. fly out.. repeat this for as long as possible..
*he turns to Zofia and Ontov:.. we'll have the army destroy the locks.. make them unusable.... don't give them usuable locks...
*Turns to Ulonov* Ulonov.. as soon as the army is out of the way.. we'll have fifth fleet, and and bring up 9th from Junon to pound the ever living hell out of the canal zone, and anything that moves.... and bring the transports and anything else that floats in to get whatever men and equipment we can get off of there..

Ulonov: What about my 7th fleet....

Putin: We'll three options.. FA outnumbers us... by a lot... take the fleet to NE and dock it there... link up with the manarth 5th fleet.. or... head for deep water... but I bet the canals will be a tricky deal.. I'll leave that to your best judgement..

Ulonov: *Crosses his arms and sits back*

Putin: And General Putin.. umm The airforce will fly round the clock sorties from bases here, Junon, Hairybackistan and others turning the canal zone into a moonscape.. we'll be using everything short of nuclear arms... that includes the new BAF bomb..

Emperor Ed: BAF bomb?

Putin: Yes.. BAF bomb.. its the slang term for the HO PF Mark 92 warhead.. its the Big as F*ck bomb... it is basicly four conventional Moabs Shoe horned into the space of Only one...

Anyways.. this withdrawl and subsequent leveling of the area.. we can recgroup and recapture the area.. when we have sufficient resources to do so..

Emperor Ed: I like the plan.. it is a good one..... any objections?

*Looking around everyone is reluctantly accepting the plan.. even Ulonov and Zofia*

Emperor Ed: Good... commence at one.... you are all dismissed.. *they all stand and salute the Emperor*

Deep inside Confed C&C, Aronar sits in his room, looking over reports of the state. Things have gone from bad to worse for him. With Jake Featherstone putting him in a rock and a hard place, he looks even more worried than before.

With the Edenstein fleet off the northern waters looming, the always present possibility of Eastern Detroit rebels, the random acts of Pax, and the ever wavering Henceland Omega, he is more anxious and nervous than ever.

The Colony in Huron was not boding well, with the recent attacks, the alliance in Huron seemed to be under heavy strain. With almost 4 fleets now having to be dedicated to simple defense, they could not risk sending a fleet to aid Huron. So many ships and so little help he could give, he was more depressed than ever.

He shuffled through his desk and for a stamp that was marked "approved" and hammered down on the "Military Budget Increase Spending" proposal by his generals.

He muttered to himself, "I wonder if 10 fleets will be enough..."

He put it into an envelope and put it aside. He sighed and looked at his desk blankly. He stared for hours drifting off into space thinking. He suddenly flinched, and opened the bottom drawer of his desk. A Smith-Wesson sat there under a blue hankerchief. The hankerchief had a design of some kind, although it looked like it was not his. The gun looked like it hand not been fired in ages.

He reached down and clenched the hankerchief, he thought to himself, "So much power, and just not enough, so much I can do, and I am powerless." The look of pain was on his face as he dropped it back into the drawer.

Letiburg

Governor Lagerfelt was sitting out in what would one day be the main square, but at present was just a construction site. He couldn't be bothered to walk the two miles to the beach, so he had set up his deck chair on a large pile of sand. He was sitting there in his bermuda shorts and heavy-framed sunglasses, drinking a cocktail while a couple of nordic blondes massaged his feet.

A clerk came running out of the main offices waving some sheets of fax paper. "Governor! MadderMike just faxed us the photos - looks like New Dubelco alright!"

Lagerfelt lifted up his sunglasses, and peered at the images, "And they said they didn't do it! Why those sneaky... ! Where's Admiral Wilhelmsson?"

"He's down at the new navy yard inspecting the port facilities."

"Get him back here at once! And round up some other senior officers! I'm calling an emergency meeting!"

-----

A bit later, in the makeshift tactical planning centre, Admiral Wilhelmsson and General Borkman were gathered around a large map of Eerie and Huron, while Governor Lagerfelt paced up and down and fretted a lot.

"If I recall," Wilhelmsson was saying, "there has been some consternation over New Dubelco's monitoring of shipping through the canals, but I was going to let it go, since monitoring was all they were doing. This, however, is unacceptable!"

"Yes yes, I've said all that." said Lagerfelt, "The question is, what are we going to do about it?"

"This unprovoked attack shows that New Dubelco is unfit to be in a position of control over the Eerie-Huron waterways." Wilhelmsson continued, "If they are allowed to get away with this, who knows what they will try next? It's akin to piracy!"

General Borkman pounded his fist on the table, making the others jump, "I say we blow this whole thing wide open! We should kick their ass all the way back to Lake Huron, and then some!"

Governor Lagerfelt dabbed at his forehead with a sweaty hanky, "...ahem, that seems all a bit rash to me, General. I know! I shall demand that they pay up for the sunken ship, throw in some compensation for the victims, and relinquish command of the canals? Does that sound reasonable?"

"And if they don't, then we declare war!" declared General Borkman, who had a one-track mind.

"Well, yes, we'll come to that." Lagerfelt admitted, "What assets do we have available?"

"Aside from whatever MadderMike is willing to commit, under the provisions of that highly suspect treaty," Admiral Wilhelmsson began, "We have the whole of Fleet Dione, including the Aircraft carrier RNS Grey Wolf to play with, and Fleet Marshall Folkvadr is sending out elements of Vanguard Fleet, with the amphibious transports in case we need them."

"Yes, I've been meaning to talk to you about that-" Governor Lagerfelt began, but was interrupted by General Borkman.

"We have four divisions stationed in LETIreijk," the General declared, "I think we can mobilise two of those for action in the Huron canals when it becomes necessary!"

"Um, if it-" Lagerfelt began.

"When it becomes necessary!" General Borkman insisted.

-----

Later, an official statement was issued to New Dubelco, demanding that reparations of $15 million be made to Cuthroat Sealines, and further payments of $300,000 be made to the families of each of the 549 victims of the attack. Furthermore, the statement demanded that New Dubelco withdraw all forces from the Huron-Eerie canal system.

*The Andaluciaen Supreme Consul fusses and worries about threats posed by external problems*

Brandt: And I'm still not entirely sure what is going on in LHTI. Who pulled off the first shot, who's attacking who, who is FA allied with?

former S.C. von Beppler: Well, I don't think anyone in Andaluciae knows, if we had further info, we could utilize Fijar, but we don't, and I'd keep the fleets in port.

Brandt: And is there a severe threat to Andaluciae that we can discern?

von Beppler: I don't know, we do have treaty commitments though, and if those get pushed into action, there is no way that we can play ostrich...

General Thorvaldson: I suggest that we stand the military up to Defense Readiness Level 3-Red Alert. That is just a step below DRL 2, and it won't make as much of a fuss.

Brandt: Why not go all the way to 2, that will show the LETI we mean business.

von Beppler: It might seem a little too aggressive, after all, having Strategic bombers circling just outside other nations' airspace isn't that friendly.

Brandt: Well, Level-3 Red Alert then, good evening everyone, I need a drink, and with the public Meganuke test coming up, I will need to be at the top of my game.

*In the Proconsuls' mansion in Fijar, the Proconsul reacts to the order to stand up*

Proconsul James: Now what is going on? First this confusing warfare in LHTI and now we have orders to stand up to DRL-3: Red Alert? I really wish I had some information.

General Thompson: Sir, at the moment I have not received any information from the high command, although, I'd recommend that we bring the Provincial Guard up to equal readiness.

James: Very good, I'll have the Andaluciaen troops here stand up, you handle the Provincials and any militia you feel need brought up too.

Thompson: Yes sir.

General Ramsus Kahr: Yes, I completely agree with you. Reckless and stupid, but I guess we have no choice... ::He hangs up the phone::

Raskalnokov: Who was that?

Kahr: That was Admiral Ulonov of Edenstein. Apparantly FA is a bigger threat than origianlly thought. They're going to destroy the locks and pull out.

Raskalnokov: That seems a little stupid.

Kahr: You're telling me. I don't think Ulonov liked the idea either, but it's the decision they came to. And since they have the bigger military force short of their air force, we have to support them. I'm putting the order in to Beta Fleet to launch all their support planes to help cover for the destruction.

Raskalnokov: Boy this seems like a solution that CoC would've come up with in the days of old.

Kahr: Perhaps, but we have to do it. There's no way around it... Besides, we have bigger things to worry about.

Raskalnokov: But what if they get through and move on to attack LETI?

Kahr: Then we'll DEAL with it! Don't worrry about it! You just do your job, and make sure our plants are doing their job.

Raskalnokov: Ha ha! Oh you don't have to worry about that. Eventually people will completely forget about what we'd been telling them before! I just hope this thing gets pulled off well enough and you can link the events together.

Kahr: Well that's Watson's job. But he's going to the Meganuke testing thing, so I think he's going to use that too. It'll be a good thing to throw into it.

::Jenny walks into the conversation having overheard part of it::

Jenny: Of coruse he'll use it. It's so easy. If he links that, and hte Canal thing together, we'll have no problem finding out where everyone's loyalties are.

Raskalnokov: Is there a reason Carmine's doing this?

Jenny: Well mostly because Corran would've never done such a thing. Carmine wants to prove himself and get more involved. Bring HO back into the main stage of things.

Kahr: Well if this works, it'll sure be the case... Now iff you'll excuse me I have to give some Captains some orders...

*The Groggy Supreme Consul is talking with von Beppler and Thorvaldson at an hour that is way too early in the morning.*

Brandt: So that's what you all believe is going on in Huron?

Thorvaldson: Yes, we have reason to believe that there is a significant threat that we must be prepared to deal with.

von Beppler: I would advise caution in choosing sides though, we need to wait to see who is in the right, I'd think you need to consider deploying troops though.

Brandt: General T., how many troops do you think should be deployed to Fijar?

Thorvaldson: 3 divisions should be sufficient, as well as a cruiser squadron.

Brandt: OK, we'll do that, also are there any things we should do with the test blast?

von Beppler: Everything is all set, we have also deployed the auto-cannons in the area of the test tower, so that should be secure.

Brandt: Wonderful, I am going to be attending the blast myself, I'd be very appreciative if you two were there yourselves.

von Beppler: I am fine with that.

Thorvaldson: Free refreshments, I'm there.

OOC: For your consideration, alliances of FA...

Balderonia
Dubelco
New Dubelco
(West Palm Beach) - Paying for mercenaries
(Council of Clan) - Paying for mercs

ooc:

OK, I have started the meganuke test diplomatic bash, here is a link to the thread.

http://forums2.jolt.co.uk/showthread.php?p=6823123#post6823123

::She opens her eyes slowly. A throbbing pain in her head tells her that something isn't right. She suddenly comes to the realization that she can't move her arms or legs. She stops for a moment ot think about who she is, but she can't remember. Everything seems fuzzy right now. Turning her eyes as much as she can, she notices a man lying next to her, in a similar condition. She tries hard to remember her name but at this point she can't even rememberthat. She only knows that this fact scares her a lot. She hears a door open, and a man walks into the room. The room itself is very white and has all sorts of scientifc equipment around. The man is wearing a white lab coat. He has black hair and brown eyes and thick glasses. Behind him is a larger, burly man. The two stand in front of her and watch her for a while. Then they speak::

Scientist: Ah, she appears to have come to.

Girl: What? What's going on. Who are you. For that matter who am I, and what am I doing here?

Scientist: You ask too many questions. Let's just say that for now, you are the enemy.

Girl: The enemy? Why is that?

Burly Man: He SAID, you ask too many questions! Be quiet! We're very interested in you. You may know some things that will come in very handy.

Girl: I don't even know who I am! How would I know anything that would help you!

Scientist: That is why you are hooked up to this machine! It will get into your subconscious and unlock what you know without you consciously remembering it!

Girl: I really don't like this. What is the point of this anyway?

Scientist: ::walks over with a syringe:: Don't worry. You'll soon be asleep. You won't need to worry about this... ::He sticks the girl with the needle::

::Waking up, the girl notices that things have not changed a whole lot. The headache is still there. She turns her eyes and notices the man is still lying there too. Glancing around as much as she can, she notices the scientist and the burly man are gone.

Girl: Hey! Hey!

::The man beside her stirs::

Girl: Hey! Are you awake?

Man: Huh? What's going on?

Girl: Who are you? Actually, if you know... who am I? I don't remember?

Man: Umm.... Uh... I don't know. But I do know that I don't like being held up here by these shackles. And I'm assuming that if you're tied up you're probably on my side too.

Girl: Yeah, that makes sense.

Man: Ok, but if I find out we're bitter enemies, I'll have to destroy you.

Girl: Huh?

::The man flexes his arms. He grunts and growls for a minute. Suddenly the shackles snap off his arms and legs. He stands up and walks over to the girl. He puts his hands on her shackles and starts pulling. He tries for a few minutes, and the shackles pop off. The girl stands up, dizzy for a minute untill she gets her bearings. The headache still won't go away::

Girl: Wow. You're very strong! Who are you?

Man: I wish I could remember... I don't even know how I knew I could do that. But I've got an idea. How about we get the hell out of here?

Girl: Yeah... sounds like a good idea...

::The girl and the man walk around in the maze of corridors outside the lab. So far, they haven't run into any opposition, but that changes when suddenly they see the scientist rounding the corner. Too late to hide, they stand in shock. The scientist jumps::

Scientist: Yipes! You, you escaped! But how?

Man: Well apparantly your shackles aren't very sturdy. I just broke right through them. Now, you're going to tell us what's going on right?

Scientist: Um, well, you know... I, I can't do that!

Girl: What do you mean?

Scientist: I mean you need to go back to the lab! We aren't finished with you yet!

Man: Oh I think you are. ::He walks towards the scientist, who pulls out a small pistol. The man stops moving forward::

Scientist: ::shaking:: Yeah, that's right! Now get back to the lab!

Girl: You've never fired one of those before have you? You're shaking all over...

Scientist: I'll shooot if I have to! Now get back!

::The man cautiously walks forward. The scientist points the gun at the man, with his finger on the trigger, but the man doesn't seem to care too much. Eventually the man reaches out slowly and puts his hand on top of the gun. Squeezing hard, he yanks the gun out of the scientist's hand::

Scientist: Yipes!

Man: Now, tell me... who are you? Who are we? And what the hell are we doing here?

*At airfields all over Edenstein, B-52, and TU-166 bombers start to spin up their engins...*

OOC: TU-166 Bomber?

OOC: My mind got mixed up.. this is the bomber I was going to use...

http://www.bearcraft-online.com/museum/museum.htm?mid=78

It is the TU-95 bear.. it is a high alititude Prop driven aircraft...

but there is also the TU-160

http://www.bearcraft-online.com/museum/museum.htm?mid=82

Which is the Russians answer to the B-1 bomber

The TU-166 is a a variation of the TU-95... it has roughly the same charecteristics as the B-52 but a longer service range and better fuel consumption because of the prop engines. its a little slower though but much more heavily armed..

16 20 mm cannons in sets of two...
(2 cannons per gun station)

*Announcement of Department of Armed Forces*

Three hours ago Andaluciaen forces secured the land formerly controlled by the now defunct Aldovareon government. We will be erecting a colonial administration in its place shortly to handle local problems.

This is a pronouncement of the founding of the Andaluciaen Duchy of Occupied Aldovar. We are where the nation of Aldovar formerly was, but are under Andaluciaen colonial control.

-Governor General George T. Mahan

*From bases all over Edenstein, B-52's and TU-166's that had been put on active stand by are given the greenlight... they lift off and fly east towards LOTI and the locks they are carrying everything from the New BAF bomb to racks of 2000lb JDAT munitions, Napalm, and various other guided munitions. They are being escorted by entire squadrens of SU-37's, F-15's and Land Based F-14 Tomcats*

*All over the region, The screens flash with either the LETI/ENN/MNN/PAX/NBC logo, and then quickly flashes to the imperial Edenstein seal, a picture then appears of a news reporter in Edenstein square with hundreds of people standing shouting calls for war, Farbra Walters then appears on the screen to give commentary*

Walters: This is Farbra Walters with ENN news... I am standing here in Edenstein square where Emperor Romanov is about to make a speech on what is being dubbed as a "Pearl Harbor" attack on Edenstein forces surronding the LETI/LOTI locks. As you may know, in accordance with the treaty of Fei Fong Wong, Edenstein, Henceland Omega, Council of Clan and Manarth share control of the locks, and each nation has committed troops to the security.

*she places her hand on her ear*

I have word that the Emperor is about to speak...

*Emperor Ed, Empress Carolyn, Zofia, and Ulonov walk out onto the balcony, Ed Raises his hands and the mass of people in the square cheer and shout, their disorganized calls quickly turn into a chant of WAR! WAR! WAR! WAR! Ed keeps his hands raised and the crowd grows silent*

Ed: People of Edenstein... 4 Days ago Edenstein forces came under a surprise attack by forces from Featherstones America. *Yells and screams come from the crowd who are growing more and more angry*

Our forces are fighting valiently... in some cases in bitter hand to hand combat to turn the tide of this menace... Our superior naval airforces along with Henceland Omegan forces have engaged the enemy in the air.. and are quickly gaining the upper hand, giving our ground forces some breathing room. Edenstein... this threat to our nation, and way of life has not been seen since the days of the COC.

I ask you to stay strong, keep our men and women in your thoughts and we will be victorious.

*Empress Carolyn starts to turn green and leans over the balcony and throws up... she leans back up and looks a little less green, the Emperor raises his hand to the crowd and they go silent once again*

Edenstein, I will bring your sons and daughters home... that I promise you.. but Featherstones America must be taught a lesson for the deed that they have done. Later today... I will go to the Duma, and ask for an unconditional declaration of War against Featherstones America.

*the crowd goes wild.. and begins chanting WAR WAR WAR!!, the Emperor raises his hands again and then helps the Empress back into the palace, Ulonov stands on the balcony with Zofia next to him, they begin to take questions from the crowd*

OOC: open to questions.. so go ahead..

*The ENN logo flashes on the screen and Stephani Schuster is sitting at her desk*

Schuster: This is Stephani Schuster and the Edenstein News Network bringing you coverage of the emergency session of the Duma...

*The screen flashes to the Duma chambers where Minority Leader Thomas Valentia is speaking on the War*

Valentia: This attack must be met with swift and brutal reprisal from our armed forces.... we must teach them a lesson, and send Jake Featherstone a clear and unobstructed message that these kinds of actions will not be tolerated!

*Cheering and applause come from most of the Duma Chambers*

Hence, it is imperative that we declare war...

*More cheering, as Majority Leader Sophia Utenska stands up most of the council sits down and the cheering dies down*

Utenska: *Her blonde hair is pulled up into a bun, she is wearing a black buisness suit and black rimmed glasses*

My Comrades.... we must not be quick to jump to war.... this has been the history of Edenstein.... to jump to war and then become over extended... that is one of the prime reasons we are currently in the situation that we are in now.... Edenstein became overextended..... meddling in affairs that did not concern us...

*the duma goes silent while listening to her*

That is why I am propossing a step down in agression... First.. pulling our troops out of Izimbeckwi, and more importantly.. out of the canal region gaurding our intrests here at home....

*the duma is stil silent*

Inside C&C, Aronar sits in his office watching the Edenstein Duma...

Aronar: Hmm...she has a point. They are extended, and I thought we were.

He lowers the sound and goes to his notes. Reports of the Huron problems were slow, it seemed as the whole problem seemed stifle itself. The remaining me moved to the a base with the help of other nations men, and signaled for help. The area had been reinforced from the Colony by air by parachuted supplies. He picked up one that caught his eye, a faxed report from head Engineer T.O. Morrow.

Aronar: Mega Nuke...I hate nukes.

He tosses it into the "To Do" basket. He sits back and watches the rest of the news.

*the duma continues with its debate*

Utenska: That is why I continue to say that Edenstein should stay out of this war that has been dropped upon us...

*mixed reactions are coming from the duma, the grand leader of the Duma calls for a vote*

Duma Vote
For War: 240
Against War: 240
No Vote: 1

OOC: Ed! No fair spoiling the presidential election for us! :)

*The head of the Edenstein Government is sitting discussing recent developments in the canal region*

Onotov: Apparently many of our troops have disregarded orders and have dug in
Ulonov: And the fifth fleet has begun bombardment of the canal region... initial reports are that they have been very effective..

Zofia: Emperor.. I am requesting permission with Ulonov's help... land third Army at the locks.... with full support from the navy, airforce and marines. It is obviously our troops are not giving up... we need to support them..

*Nods of approval come from much of the assembled*

Emperor: Well.. with the stalling of the Duma on the vote for war... I think we will take this into our own hands....

Ulonov: Sir.... let us continue with the bombardment.. but bring in the 8th fleet from junon as well to help with the bombardment..

Emperor: Make it so...

** 4 Pax Germanian destroyers and 2 Battleships arrive in Andaluciae with a large gift to the Andaluciaen people. After refueling the small fleet exits port and sets course for Pax Germania.**

*Supreme Consul William Brandt and the now ubiquitous former Supreme Consul von Beppler stride aboard the newest member of the Andaluciaen fleet, a Megalith Carrier/Battleship*

von Beppler: Impressive...

Brandt: This is what we traded the Meganuke designs for ahead of time, eh?

von Beppler: Yes, the late S.C. thought it would be useful to have 3 nations in the region with meganukes beforehand.

Brandt: Very creative...wonderful ship, don't you think?

von Beppler: doch wunderbar...

Mike of Mike and Mike Shipping, Prime Minister of MadderMike is pillow talking with Em of Mike and Mike Shipping, Secretary of State of MadderMike "Em, everyone has these Mega-nukes, we don't even have nukes." he pouted.

Em "Mike, you know we discussed this before, we know you would be responsible with a nuclear arsenal but whoever takes over after you might not be so level headed. That's why we canceled the nuclear weapon development effort."

Mike "Yeah, I remember, but it would be nice to say we have nuclear weapons."

Em "Mike, I told you it wouldn't take long to develop them if we had to, we do build, use, and even export nuclear powerplants, most of them breeder reactors which create enriched uranium, and plutonium. Hell most of them are so unstable they could go up any minute."

Mike "That's nice, come over here..............................

*President Charlesburg, leader of the colony of New Edenstein appears on ENN, NBC and LETI news channels to make a huge annoucement*

Charlesburg: People of the Lake Regions, Ned Edenstein and most importantly Edenstein. Today is a new era in this history of our people, today we throw off the chains and impdeiments that have been place upon us by the mother country.

*he puts his hands on the lecturn*

We declare our independence from Edenstein.

Already, our ideals, traditions, history and way of life greatly differs from the people that we left not so long ago. We have already beganto train armed forces and militia to defend our country from the tyranny and opression that is Edenstein.

No this emperor, we will not take kindly to any of your threats. We WILL *smashes this hands on the lectern* Defend our way of life and our idealologies.

Thank you all and may god bless us on this great endevour...

*the screen flashes off and returns to the regularly scheduled program

*Emperor Ed is watching the news cast, he throws his magic 8 ball at the television and it smashes the screen, he buzzes Jane, his secretary*

Ed: JANE!!! GET ME ULONOV AND ONOTOV IN HERE NOW!!!

*A few moments Later, Ulonov walks in wearing pink fuzzy bunny slippers, and a bath robe, onotov walks in shortly after him.. wearing Ulonov's uniform*

Ed: What in the hell are you two doing...

Onotov/Ulonov: Nothing

Ed: Anyways New Edenstein has just declared independence...

*they both kind of gasp*

Ed: Take Care of it....

*They salute and walk back out, Ed goes over to the smoking Television and retrieves his magic 8 ball*

*General Anatoly Kvashnin reads the message that Private Pyle brought back from General Hartman on the Pax side of the border*

Kvashnin: A meal on the table of every Izimbeckwi huh... well I don't know what comrade general on the other side of the dmz... but We have already started this task..

Pyle: Sir, I didn't really talk to him.. they stopped us at a checkpoint.

Kvashnin: I see.. *he turns and looks outside at the meal line, that has been instituted after the war for homeless izimbeckwins, the food is not gourmet but it is nourishing*
Pyle, I have another message to deliver.

Pyle: Yes sir...

*Kvashnin pens a letter to general Hartman*

To: Chief of Military Operations Hartman
From: General Kvashnin
Re: Izimbeckwi

Comrade General, I understand your decline of my gracious invitation, feeding and making sure that the Izimbeckwi people are cared for after the hostile and brutal government that they where accustomed to is a very worthy goal.

Lets me inform you of the progress the grand nation of Edenstein and our superior military have made.

All over the nation, Edenstein troops have provided meals for homeless and improvrished citizens that felt the harsh realities of war.

Improved the standard of living in many of the Izimbeckwi northern cities, upgrading electrical and water grids.

Also have established a superior police force and made sure that the citizens have been safe.

These have brought forth through the generous contributions of the people of Edenstein. If the good comrade general has any questions please feel free to respond, either in person or in telegram.

General Anatoly Kvashnin
Commander General of Edenstein forces

*pvt pyle takes the message salutes, and then heads towards the Izimbeckwi Lines*

OOC: whats Ned Edenstein? I never heard of it.

Governor Lagerfelt was sitting on his pile of sand again, with a different group of Nordic blondes this time. He had to circulate them, or they tended to lose interest in massaging his feet.

"Hmmm... we did give New Dubelco an ultimatum, didn't we?" he asked to nobody in particular. He turned and shouted at a nearby radio shack, "Hey! Someone send a message to New Dubelco saying they've got 48 hours to pay up!"

After a while, there seemed to be some indication that this was being done, so he settled down with his margarita again.

-----

Out on the parade ground, General Borkman himself was strutting up and down before the hapless Apple company. The sergeant major stood off to one side, keeping a beady eye on the proceedings.

"Listen up, ladies!" the General roared, in much the same way the sergeant major used to, leading to the thought among the troops that perhaps he had been a sergeant major before. "It's your lucky day! Your basic training has been completed just in time! We will soon be embarking on that glorious campaign I've been talking about."

A few of the troops exchanged glances. Was it the campaign to reclaim India from the hippies again? Nobody could really be sure, with General Borkman.

"In forty-eight hours, you brave fellows shall be leading the first wave of landings against New Dubelco positions in the Lake Huron canals! Now, we think they might have been reinforcing their positions since the Cutthroat Sealines incident, so it's your task to probe their defences, and see what they've got!"

Private Otto Jaarinen had the good fortune to be standing in the third rank today, so the Sergeant Major couldn't see him very well from the front. His friend, Private Torp, who was also the son of a senior cabinet member, whispered, "What he means is, we go and get shot, and then they can see where we get shot from and send the tanks in."

Otto nodded barely, but even in the relative safety of the third row, he had had a few too many bad experiences on the recieving end of an irate Sergeant-Major to answer any time soon.

"Now," said the General, "Do you love your country?"

There was an uncertain silence, before the sergeant-major roared, "Answer the General, maggots! Do you love your country!?"

"YES SIR!" the company yelled in unison.

"And do you love your glorious president, General Jaarinen?"

"YES SIR!" Yelled the company, with the exception of Otto.

"Excellent." the General beamed, "Carry on, Sergeant-Major." he turned on his heels, and strutted off, leaving the company to the mercy of the sergeant major.

OOC: whats Ned Edenstein? I never heard of it.
ooc: ok mr Of of the council of clan

::In the Hence Palace, Carmine turns off the news. He stops for a moment then calls Watson in. Watson runs in, out of breath having just returned from Andaluciae::

Watson: Yes sir! Huff huff, huh. Sorry! I don't take jet lag very well!

Jenny: Jet lag? But you didn't even leave the Great Lakes!

Watson: I know... can you imagine if I had?

Jenny: How'd you get to be so good at PR if you can't travel?

Watson: Umm....

Carmine: It doesn't matter. Get the press here. I want to make a speech.

Watson: Are we going to war officially?

Carmine: Not yet. I don't want to get rash, lest we lose the opportunity we've got. But I think it's also time to send the invites...

Watson: Yes sir! ::He huffs and puffs out of the room::

Jenny: Has he always been like this?

Carmine: Only when he's worried. I really don't give a crap anymore what he worries about...

::The scientist trembles at the man's gun, but he hasn't answered yet::

Girl: He's not saying anything... why not shoot him?

Scientist: Okay! I'll talk! I'll talk! I'll...

::He falls over::

Man: WTF? ::The girl runs over to the scientist::

Girl: He had a heart attack!

Man: Great... now how are we going ot get some answers?

Voice: You can start by dropiing your weapons...

::they turn around to see themselves looking at the burly man from earlier. The big burly man is pulling out a gun. The other man pulls his up::

Man: How about YOU drop your weapon?

::The big buly man kicks the gun, which flies across the room. The other man reaches and knocks the burly man's gun away. The two go jumping for their weapons. In the confusion the girl runs out of the room, turning the corner and entering the next room she finds::

Girl: This still isn't safe... ::She flings open a closet door and notices a large bag on the floor. SHe opens it:: What are all of these things? A pistol... another one... a sniper rifle? These'll come in handy, but where will I keep them? Hey wait... ::she rummages to the bottom:: It's a remote control, I wonder what for?

::She grabs the weapons and walks back into the first room where the two men are now wresrling each other just for spite. The guns have both been knocked under counters. The big burly man kicks, but the other man jumps and hits him in the face. Sprawling back, the big burly man reaches into a desk drawer and pulls out a revolver. As he pulls it up, he suddenly drops over dead. Looking up, the man sees the girl with a custom silenced PP7::

Man: Wow. Where'd you learn to shoot?

Girl: ::slightly shaking:: I don't know... now let's get out of here!

COL John Campbell leader of the Clydebank Shipyards infantry division, has noted his troops are taking a beating from the MadderMikian Airborne division. Even with the new weapons from Owen Sound his men are getting pasted. Each time one of his guys pops up to take a shot he is attacked with 50 or 60 rounds returning to him. The COL cannot believe how much ammo the MadderMikians have used and obviously continue to have. He saw the air drop yesterday and figured it brought supplies to the MadderMikians but it must have been ammo only.

If they don't get relief soon there won't be much of them left. His casualties are about 20% killed 50% wounded. He can't tell what damage they have done to the MadderMikians.

New Dubelco was supposed to be arriving soon. Thank goodness for the impenetrable fog or they would be pounded by air.

*Another 7th of the month, another election in Andaluciae...*

(James Goss, ANN reporter talks about the candidates)

Goss: And this month we have the political return of former Supreme Consul Andrew von Beppler. He seems to have recovered from the coup d'etat of the Junta a few months ago. He is replacing the moderate partys' standby of William Brandt. The Ueber-conservative National Unity Party is fielding another former General, William Halleck, the ueber liberal party is putting out another former hippie named Moonhawk Trebonius. Once again, the people seem to favor von Beppler, because everyone else is insane.

**Private Pyle’s progress into Pax territory is halted by a barbed-wire wall followed by a row of Armor obstacles. Pyle looks as 3 pave-low helicopters appear from the horizon, circle twice, and land nearby. 9 Fully armored soldiers exit the center chopper and approach Pyle’s jeep.**

Soldier: Another message?

Pyle: Yes.

Soldier: We’ll take it from here thanks.

**Pyle hands one of the men his letter and begins his trip back to the Edenstein camp. The pave-lows circle two more times, then fly off into the sunset again.**

*Supreme Consul Elect von Beppler celebrates his victory*

von Beppler: HaHA! Victory is mine!

Brandt: Whew, finally done with that job...

von Beppler: And you did a good job holding Andaluciae until I felt good enough to run again, you even got Andaluciae a Megalith...

Brandt: thank you...

von Beppler: And now you get your own villa near the beach, with all the drinks you could ever hope for!

Brandt: thank you, so, you crushed the other two parties, and no recounts, amazing...

*Governor General Mahan is in his office, when Lt. Kraal busts through the door*

Lt. Kraal: Governor General! We have found the airship foundries!

Governor General Mahan: Wonderful, have you found any surviving staffers?

Kraal: Yes, at least 7 of them!

Mahan: Seven? Weren't there only like 30 to begin with?

Kraal: Yes, and half of those were beureuacrats who didn't have anything to do with construction.

Mahan: Ok, you are dismissed, you will be rewarded.

Kraal: Yessir, thank you sir.

*Kraal leaves the room, and Mahan picks up the phone to Andaluciaen High Command*

Mahan: This is Mahan, we've uncovered the foundries, send the TI boys over...

*tag*

The Rouge Nation of The X-iles
Official Press Release
September 11, 2004

Peeples of the world, the Chef of the State, is honored to announce that seperation of laid off workers from various breakfast related industries around the world have dared to create a new nation in the great L.E.T.I. We have many beliefs for this new nation. A nation that will uphold all the ideas of democracy. A nation that will dare to impose peace upon the world. A nation that will not get soggy in milk. Officially, this nation shall from the day forth be known as the X-iles.

Our desire is many fold. We wish to obtain peaceful diplomatic relations from all over the world. As is with this recent fighting that has broken out, we believe that differences can be sorted out over flapjacks. We need not quibble over small details. Many people prefer syrup on their stack, but some people like butter. Some prefer blueberry, some prefer raspberry. It is these differences that all of us in the L.E.T.I. area should embrace to help bring our fair tropical paradise to the cultural fruitation it deserves. I say to you, that when peace is ready to be considered, the nation of the X-iles shall be waiting with open doors and allow these warring nations to drink from the orange juice of peaceful harmonic bliss and the toast of co-existence.

We, the X-iles, would also like to this opportunity to say that we are a nation of tolerance. We believe in equal treatment and beliefs while giving our citizens a fair oppotunity at achieveing a successful life. Thus, from this day forth, to allow our children the opportuniy to focus on their education, the government is officially creating two seperate educational systems, fully accessable to which ever the citizen may choose. The first system shall be for those of the pancake belief. These schools will focus more on the arts, sciences, and law. The second system will be for those of the waffle belief. As we will need blue collared workers, these people will focus more on middle to lower management duties, orderliness activities, and other work, including but not restricted to fast food employee, window washers, and, one of the most patriotic jobs, that guy who cleans up our national animal.

We, the X-iles, look forward to the interaction withen the L.E.T.I. and multiple diplomatic summits that will be held at the national restaurant, the IHOP.

Signed,
Bork Bork Bork (http://koti.welho.com/plaakso6/swedish%20chef.jpg)
Chef of the State

::The man and the girl continue running through the maze of labs in the building they were being held in::

Girl: I think we're going in circles!

Man: Yeah, you're probably right... Hey wait... what's this? ::The two enter a new lab with several different kids of experminets going on.::

Girl: Oh my! Look at his! All these experiments are being done on... people! They're all in cages suffering! What kind of mad facility are we in?

Man: I don't know. I mean, come on, we can't even figure out who we are.

Girl: Why did they want us? What do we know that's so important?

::Suddenly guards begin rushing in with nightsticks::

Nameless Guard #1: Hey! Here they are! Let's get them! ::They rush at the two prisoners. The man turns and with one sweep of his hand, knocks 2 guards out. One of the remaining guards swings and bashes the man in the kneecap::

Man: Ow! That really hurt!

Nameless Guard #3: Oh... sorry! I didn't mean to hurt you. I meant to actually knock you out!

Man: Like this? ::He pounds the guard in the head, knocking him out. The girl slowly backs up, and trips on a big container on the floor. The things she had bee nholding fall onto the floor. As she scrambles to get them, she accidently hits a button on the remote. Before she can stuff everything back into a safe place, Nameless Guards #4-8 attack the two prisoners, beaning them on the head. They both fall over, and everything fades to black...::

::Back in Fei Fong Wong, Zed Carmine turns off the TV when he sees General Ramsus Kahr coming into the throne room::

Ramsus: Sir! Reports from the warfront! We have control of the air space surrounding the locks! A few dogfights go on here and there, but our surperior air force has eliminated the threat from the skies.

Watson: Oh that's good...

Carmine: Excellent. How about the ground forces?

Ramsus: Not quite so good. Our counterattack is buying us some time, but we need to have something turn around if we are to win the ground battle.

Carmine: Hmm, I'll bet old Emperor Ed has something up his sleeve for them. Watson! Draw up the papers!

Watson: Um, yes sir. ::He leaves in a huff, nearly running into Jenny::

Jenny: Hey! Be careful!

Watson: Oh, I'm sorry, I'm just very preoccupied right now...

Jenny: What's the matter?

Watson: I, I'm not sure. I just have this bad feeling about everything. I understand that the Premiere often enjoys making decrees and propaganda just for the sake of exerting power. Why just the other day he had me make a report that Waffles have been found to have carcinogens in them.

Jenny: They do?

Watson: No.

Jenny: Oh... ok... ::she twirls her hair::

Watson: He's planning on having me post the results of a new study later that disprove that fact. He wants to see how waffle sales do before and after the studies.

Jenny: Why waffles?

Watson: Beats me. But I'm starting to wonder what his point is in all of this. I'm starting to worry. I understand how much better things are now that he's in charge, but I don't see where he's trying to go!

Jenny: Aww, I think you just need to take a break. Do you have any vacation days built up?

Watson: No, not yet.

Jenny: Oh ok. ::She leaves the room. Watson stops and thinks about this for a while, shakes his head and walks into the map room::

*In a normal home on a normal day*

Joe Ordinary Guy: Honey, did you read the newspaper today?

Heather Ordniary Girl: Did I? It was appaling!

JOG: I know! Waffles have carcinogens!? I worked in a waffle house for 15 years. The only thing that's in waffle's is a little T.L.C. and a hint of walnut shavings. Those outlanders! They've probably never stared a 4 AM breakfast in the face in the middle of the desert and said "I see Cinnamon Toast Rocks for breakfast.* They'd probably see sand and maybe rocks! And maybe even sand on rocks or rocks on sand. And you know what else? What that report doesn't bother to mention is that the only people that died were people allergic to walnuts!

HOG: Yeah. And then did you see the education thing?

JOG: What education thing?

HOG: The government wants to create two schools. One for the cakes, and then one for us. They're not even going to educate our kids with the stuff we learned in the North Pacific! They're going to make them learn how to count bacon and clean things! What kind of school is that?

JOG: Back in my day, we learned the finer things in life. That you can't start the day without a good breakfast or that Nurti-grain bars are bad for you and give you pink eye. Maybe THAT'S what kind of reports these kids need to see these days.

HOG: You know, I don't know if I like this new nation so much... Yesterday, Short Matt went to the store and he had to use the restroom. He had to walk outside and go in the cardboard box in the alley because the store owner prefered pancakes.

JOG: That's outrageous! Somebody really should do something about this government. I can't believe they would allow something like that.

HOG: They really should. But, oh well. Short Matt and I are going to the mall for a little while.

*HOG walks over to the stairs*

HOG: Short Matt! Are you ready?

Short Matt Ordinary Guy: Yeah, I'm comin' down!

HOG: Did you remember your hat?

SMOG: Ah, mom, do I have to?

HOG: Yes, honey. The Chef of the State said that anybody caught without their hat on will be shot in the kneecaps on sight. Except for people with out kneecaps... *mutters* I wonder what they do then?

SMOG: Ok mom. If you say so.

*SMOG comes downstairs with a really, really tall white hat on. HOG puts her hat on and leaves JOG to sit in the front room watching the Cooking Channel. He starts thinking to himself*

JOG: You know... they're ought to be somebody who can make our nation right...

*The Supreme Consul is meeting with his advisors*
von Beppler: And the freedom of the locks speech is coming along fine, I hope this might change the attitude of somebody.

Brandt: I don't know if it will, but it probably would lay the groundwork for intervention in these wars.

General Teller: I can have several divisons ready as soon as needed...

Dr. Dartmouth: No, we cannot intervene, a war between the powers of LETI could result in the use of Meganukes, and that is not a chance I am willing to take.

von Beppler: Listen, both of you, if we do intervene, it won't be for a long time, and that's a big if. Oh yes, Marshall Johnson, do you have the Meganuke deployment plans?

General Johnson: Yes, here they are, two books, all nations alphabetized...

*The politicians flip through the books*

Brandt: Well, you have Edenstein, Manarth, Pax, you have everyone, but none of our potentially rebellious provinces in here, you need to have Fijar and Occupied Aldovar in here, because after all, there are 50 million separatists in Fijar, and none of the folks in OA are happy about being occupied...

von Beppler: Yes, you need to include everyone, and you need a national rebellion plan, how'd we handle the meganukes if, say communists were to try to seize power here.

Johnson: Whatever you say sir...

ONE

Field Major Mike Westmoreland is observing the Owen Sound Base and he sees re-enforcements arriving from the opposite side of the camp. This does not bode well for the "Broken Ankle" division. They started out 5,000 strong but lost 300 on the march here and have been taking steady losses since. The men haven't had food for at least a day and they could smell the food being prepared by the Scots in the Clydebank section of the camp. Mike knows he must make a push for control of the camp soon.

Field Major Mike Westmoreland gathers up his officers and tells them of the approaching brigade, probably from New Dubelco. He has repeatedly called for air support and nothing has shown up except for random shelling from naval units.

::Premier Bartlett is having his usual breakfast cheese danish from McDonalds::

::An aide comes running in::

Aide:: MR. PREMIER!!!!!!!!!!!

::Bartlett looks up::

Bartlett: Yes?

Aide: sir, the force that took off to volunteer for Featherstones America.......::Is out of breath::

Bartlett: yes, what about them, why anyone would fight for a vicious tyrant like Jake Featherstone is beyond me.

Aide: Well they took the bulk of our former air force and attacked an Edenstonian Beachhead with it.

Bartlett: well shit, They only volunteered to fight because they never did trust or like Edenstein, fools. I hope FA gets crushed and let Edenstein figure out how to deal with the Mercs.

Aide: Sir they stole some special weapons

Bartlett: Like what?

Aide: they took VX, Blister, Bleeders, Mustard and others

Bartlett: ::Jaw drops:: we have those, i thought we were in the process of destroying our stocks.

Aide: Sir apparently the Company we hired out to destroy those for us, their CEO lost a brother in the Linux war when Glasgow went up in Nuclear fire.

Bartlett: So many old wounds and these people just won't let them Heal.

Bartlett: They haven't used it have they

Aide: ::nods weakly:: .......yes, they........have.

Bartlett: Get Emperor Ed on the line right away I want to point out to him the weapons were stolen and that These Mercenaries have in NO, ABOSOLUTELY NO WAY are they connected to the CoC Government. Also get all of our spare chem gear and start sending it to Edenstein by air, ship hell if we have teleporters use those. I don't care. Also start building as much Chem gear as we can Edenstein is going to need a lot.

Bartlett: Also inform him that any retaliation upon CoC soil by Edenstein forces will meet with the most severe consequences, ::Looks over at his General that is carrying the "Football":: Dear God I hope this doesn't escalate as much. Also inform him The CoC will officially Allie with Edenstein against FA, with what meager resources we have. Too bad we can't cause the Merc's to stop fighting

Aide: too bad indeed.

Bartlett: Make up the note and I will personally deliver it to the Edenstein Embassy.

Aide: Right away sir.

TWO

*About one mile outside the Owen Sound Base, the New Dubelcan remnants cruise on towards the base. Lt. Nelan heres the sound of Artilery in the distance in just about every direction.*

Nelan: Corporal, when we get to the base, make sure the men are in order and file out to take orders from the Owen Sound commanders. They will all cooperate.

Corporal (Driver): Yes sir!

*They drive on towards the base, nearing the gate they wave to the guards who wave back happily.*

::As Premiere Carmine wakes up, he shakes his head and mutters. He takes his shower and formulates some words as he does so. Heading down into the throne room, he sees Ramsus waiting for him::

Carmine: So what is the official word?

Ramsus: Well, I was up early talking to Admiral Ulonov.

Carmine: Yes I know. You woke me up last night to tell me about the attacks on Edenstein's aircraft.

Ramsus: Right, and I've ordered Beta Fleet around to the locks for support. In addition, I have transports leaving from Sabrewulf with reinforcements.

Carmine: Excellent. Watson! Here's my report. ::He hands a paper to Watson who proceeds to walk into the press room::

Watson: Good morning. I have here the latest from Premiere Carmine. As you all know we have been locked in a surprisingly vicious battle with the Pax supported FA. We have new reports that CoC fighters have launched an attack on the Edenstein patrols near Dunkirk. In addition, unconfirmed reports claim that chemical weapons are being used by these fighters. We are currently working to validate this point. At this point, we do not want to immediately declare war on CoC but steps are being taken to counter this most heinous measure. This just goes to prve that you can't trust a CoC any further than you can throw one.

::Reporters hands shoot up in the air::

Reporter: Johannes Organum out of Tempestia. Will you declare war on CoC if this continues.

Watson: Absolutely. This war did not concern them to begin with. They wussed out and moved to a completely different lake. They have no interest in this battle, unless they've secretly allied with Pax and FA too. We will not let this go unpunished. You over there.

Elly: Elhaym van Houten, HO Channel 2 news. Are you sure that it was a government supported force and not just mercenaries or terrorists out to start another LETI war?

Watson: Well we aren't absolutely sure Miss van Houten. This is why we're waiting to declare war. As soon as we get confirmation, we will take the appropriate actions. As of yet we've received no reports from CoC. Next?

Reporter: Lindsey Moran for Xile News Network. The reports on the harmful effects of breakfasts that was proven false. Is there anything the government is doing to compensate for the drop in the breakfast economy?

Watson: Umm, no. We apologize to those complanies that only make one kind of breakfast food, but we really can't do anything about it right now. And, oh dear...

Tom Brokejaw: I'm Tom Brokejaw! When is LETI War II going to break out? If things keep going, everyone will get involved!

Watson: That's what we're trying to prevent, if you'd actually listen Mr. Brokejaw... and really, as long as Pax keeps sending it's puppets to do it's bidding and this battle stays the only fighting point, we'll be fine.

Brokejaw: Well if they're using chemical weapons, why not use a HOUND?

Watson: Because they don't exist anymore.

Brokejaw: Yes they do! I almost had one! Edenstein has one! They have it! They can use it!

Watson: Then go bother Zofia about it at the Edenstein conference... that's all for this morning. Have a good day. ::He exits the press room and returns to the throne room::

Carmine: It's only a matter of time...

::The 2 prisoners awake in the same room. Around them, all the guards lie dead. They look around in confusion. Inside the room with them sits an Aston Martin V8 Vantage. The girl and the man suddenly stop for a minute::

Girl: I.... I remember! Oh my goodness! The Holy Emperor!

Man: The Holy Emperor... The Holy Emperor!

Girl: And I'm General Ritsuko Yamamoto, the Military Advisor, and you my friend, are Taskmaster, the second best shot in LETI!

TM: The second best?!?!?

Ritsuko: Yeah. The second best. ::she grins:: Goodness, the last thing I remember was walking out of that Unum Veritas shop having purchased this thing.

TM: Oh right! That's when we were attacked by the Avalanche mercs sent to get us. But why'd we end up in that science facility instead of killed?

Ritsuko: That... I don't remember. ::She hops in the driver seat of the car. TM gets in the passenger seat. Ritsuko turns on the engine:: Well, let's pick up where we left off shall we? ::The engine roars, and the 2 race away::

*The Chef of the State, the Swedish Chef, is busy pouring over moutains of complaints over the new school system policy as his military advisor, Sam T. Eagle, enters the the room.*

Sam: Sir, it has been a week since we have formed this new nation. And yet, during that time, we've not followed up on our promise of goodwill that you instituted. The hostalities are rising withen the region. Do you not feel the need to attempt to formalize peace?

Chef: Nu, nut reelly.

Sam: Why not?

Chef: I merely delcered thet becoose-a zeere-a ves thees gurl vhu I ves tryeeng tu get zee ettenshun ooff. She-a hed thees theeng fur vurld peece-a. Su, I thuooght I vuoold impress veet thet, seence-a I em zee leeder und ell.

Sam: Sir, you cannot create foreign policy merely because you thought some girl was oh so pretty.

Chef: I knoo. I'm surry.

Sam: Well, we must follow up with this claim, lest we fall prey to some other nation.

Chef: I knoo! Hoo ebuoot ve-a cell a soommeet fur peece-a? A soommeet su thet ell thuse-a neshuns vhu vunt peece-a cun cume-a tu it!

Sam: Excellent idea, sir. I shall send word to the nations of the regions.

Chef: Cun I infeete-a Funessa tuu?

Sam: Sir, you are the leader of our nation. You can do what you wish.

Chef: Guud. Prepere-a a press releese-a fur zee neshuns ooff zee vurld. Ve-a shell see-a vhu respunds. Bork Bork Bork!

The Rouge Nation of the X-iles
Official Press Release
September 19, 2004

For well over a month, the fighting over the possession of the canal system linking the LETI and LOTI regions has gone on for far too long. Unfortunately, it is with great conviction that the nation of the X-iles must admit that given the violence over the conflict, our belief is merely over the fact that his conflict will not be resolved unless compete destruction occurs of the opposing force. In the interests of acknowledging our own government policy, we ask that these warring nations bring an end to their siege and consider diplomatic relations to resolve their conflict.

It is with that claim we open our nation to all nations of the LETI and LOTI regions to discuss this matter in a civil forum at a peace summit that our nation shall hold next Saturday. We offer this as an opportunity so that all nations involved can come together at the International House of Pancakes to discuss these matters. It is our nation’s dream that this issue will be resolved with banter and bacon. Not bullets and ballistics.

Signed,
Swedish Chef (http://koti.welho.com/plaakso6/swedish%20chef.jpg)
Bork Bork Bork! (http://koti.welho.com/plaakso6/swedish%20chef.jpg)
Chef of the State

*A tv glows in the night as Joe Ordinary Guy watches the Xiles News Network.*

Anchorman: Good evening, everyone. I'm Chris P. Byrne. Lindsey Moran is on assignment. In our top story. Violence has broken out at a local Country Kitchen, resulting in the deaths of people. Reports indicate that this tragedy started over an argument between two gentlemen over a recent episode of "Cooking With Emeral." Survivors indicate that one gentleman, an elder man (W), claimed that Emeral's use of french toast in a steak and egg's featurette was quote, "Too modern. Back in my day, we sugared our toast and enjoyed a stack of five with syrup and all the fixin's. And we like it." The other gentleman, a college student (P), argued that his use of toast was a sign of the ever evolving times quiping, "Oh, what do you know? You're just a dried up old geezer anyway." Unfortunatly, the gentleman, who was diagnosed with a memory retention problem, fired back with, "You little whipper-snapper. Why, back in my day, we sugared our toast and enjoyed a stack of five with syrup and all the fixin's. And we like it." This caused the an unending argument that ended with the elderly gentleman being pushed and stumbling onto a hot skillet. Now, this is where our story becomes bizarre. When that gentleman recoiled from the burn, he hit a waitress who was carrying a tray full of pancakes and knives. The knives and pancakes flew through the air hitting a wide variety of people. Four were killed by the piercing. One died of choking on a stray pancake. Currently, the elderly gentleman has been arrested for involuntary manslaughter. The college student, while questioned, was served a two hundred bacon fine and has been released. The D.A. is seeking charges against the gentleman. In other news...

*Joe turns clicks off the television and sit at the edge of his chair. He comtimplates the images of the elderly gentleman asking for someone to put his tall white hat as his hands are shackled. It is with that he cues the inner monologue.*

JOG: That is it... the government did this clearly because of his waffle orientation... Somebody must do something about this... But it's going to take strong action to make our voice heard. What we need is a great public event to display our stance... but where? Where can we show off our plight to the world?

Three

COL John Campbell waves the approaching New Dubelco forces into the hastily dug trenches. He explains the massive firepower of the MadderMikian forces has forced Clydebank and Owen Sound into trenches reminiscent of WWI. He further explained that his nighttime scouts are reporting the MadderMikian troops are almost out of food, but nowhere near being out of ammo. He points to the huge kettle of stew cooking in the main trench with large fans blowing the scent towards the MadderMikians.

He warns the incoming troops not to stick their heads above the wall of the trench. Each time that happens a cascade of bullets hits the spot. He has lost many men just trying to keep an eye on the "Broken Ankle" division. His men have taken to constructing makeshift periscopes to peer above the trench walls. Even these get shot up regularly.

COL John Campbell explains the thick low lying cloud cover has prevented any air resupply and thankfully prevented the MadderMikians from using airpower to attack them.

He described the resupply efforts from Clydebank proper: All foodstuffs and ammo make it through. Any armor or artillery gets destroyed as soon as it leaves the supply ships. It seems as if there are two Maddermikian destroyers lurking in Lake Huron and they have an uncanny ability to know when the armor is being offloaded. They show up and begin shelling until everything is destroyed. It is almost as if they only consider the armor to be a viable target. When the supply ships were escorted by the latest stealth medium cutters the MadderMikians somehow managed to take them out with some incredible shooting from the 5" 62s.

"They are amazing marksmen but as far as military tactics they live up to their billing as the second most stupid nation in LETI." He summed up. "Until you guys showed up they could have stormed the encampment anytime and overwhelmed us, but they chose to stand back and pick us off one by one."

*Messengers arrive at governmental headquarters of all combatant nations in the canal dispute carrying this message*

The Andaluciaen government has announced that it will be remaining neutral in this war until a further results and goals can be assessed. Until that time we are willing to sell military and non-military supplies to all combatants, just so long as Andaluciaen neutrality and freedom of the seas is respected.

The government has decided that a war-ready policy must be adopted, and that our troops will be at DRL-2. We have also decided that a policy of escalation must be established, as such, aggression against Andaluciae will be considered a three stage process unless war is directly declared against us, or massive attacks are made against us. This policy is:
Step 1: Attack against Andaluciaen interests will result in an immediate total trade restrictions against Aggressor.

Step 2: A Further attack will result in Andaluciaen quarantine of attacking nation.

Step 3: A Further attack will result in a declaration of war against aggressor.

Thank you, have a nice day.

Supreme Consul Andrew von Beppler

Letiburg construction site

Governor Lagerfelt was making a tour of the city constructions. A few buildings, mostly police stations, were complete already. Others were in varying states of construction.

"It's coming along." he commented to his lackey. Just then, his mobile phone started ringing, "Yes, this is the governor speaking. The deadline for New Dubelco has passed? Shame." he glanced around at the various construction workers, "Have you guys finished armour-plating my new mansion yet?"

"We're just finishing this afternoon." said a site supervisor.

"I see." said the governor, and turned back to his phone, "Yes, we're all ready here. Tell General Borkman he can do what he likes."

-----

LETIreijk military docks

The first batallions were being loaded aboard the invasion transports in the main harbour. General Borkman watched the amphibious tanks rolling onboard a wasp-class carrier by the main pier, with an expression of manic glee. "So long since we've had a good war!" he giggled to himself. The logistics clerks checking off supplies were giving him wide berth.

"Hmmm..." he said, to nobody in particular, "Perhaps I should see what the MadderMikians are doing about this... after all, they are supposed to help us out here, and by Thor, if we work together, we can make some truly huge explosions!"

A short while later, in his makeshift office, he began to draft a message to the MadderMikian military command.

*coded message to MadderMike*
Nimzonia has decided to deploy forces to liberate the Lake Huron canals. Your assistance, as per our treaty, will be appreciated. Please give details of your current operations in the region, as well as relevant intelligence on the state of New Dubelco and allied defences.

::Ritsuko and Taskmaster drive off, looking for a new safe haven. Ritsuko stops and looks oddly at a sign::

Ritsuko: That's odd... I don't recall that nation existing before...

TM: What?

Ritsuko: I don't know, but I think it's a good place to go. ::They turn and head forthe land of the X-iles. Upon reaching the nation, they enter the first bed and breakfast they find. Ritsuko walks up to the clerk behind the counter:: Yes, I would like a room for a couple of nights under the name Jackson, no incoming calls, no record of our stay here, and boysenberry syrup.

TM: Boysenberry???

*A terse messaged is dispatched to the governments of all nations of LETI*

Andaluciae will fiercely defend the right of freedom of the seas and the canals. Anyone infringing on those rights, be warned. We will intervene in favor of maintaining openness in the canals, should control be seized by a solitary nation of any canal.

Dear Otto,

I trust you are well. This conflict in the Great Lakes was rather unexpected, but it would appear to be just what was required. If you come back from the front line in triumph, the people will love you, and you will be fit to take my place. If you die in valiant defence of Nimzonia's rights, no doubt you will take your place among the heroes of Valhalla. If, however, you die by your own cowardice, then you never were my son. I expect only the best of you. Do not fail me again.

Regards,

Your Father.


Otto sighed, and put the letter down on his bunk, staring at the bulkhead in front of him. From above, he could hear the distant clatter of more equipment and supplies being brought aboard RNS Marauder, one of two Wasp-class carriers being deployed for the operation, and the ship on which he would be ferried to certain death.

Private Torp, who had the bunk next to Otto's, looked up from a letter of his own, "Hey Otto, did you get a letter from your Dad too?"

Otto nodded, "Yeah. Just to let me know he couldn't care less what happens to me. What about your Dad?"

Torp nodded, "I'm just reading his. Listen to this: 'Dear Lief - Since you are most likely to die within the next week, I have taken the liberty of having the Inland Revenue sieze the eight hundred Shivs you owe me from your bank accounts. Good luck with the whole war thing. Love Dad.'" he rolled his eyes, "Yeah, thanks Dad, good of you to take the time to write a letter."

Otto couldn't resist a smile, "I guess we're in the same boat, then."

Torp looked up at the riveted ceiling, and laughed, "Yeah, I guess you could say that."

Four

In the underground offices of the MadderMikian government

Mike of Mike and Mike Shipping is reading the latest message from Governor Lagerfelt of Nimzonian LETIreijk. He tells Mike Bond Minister of Information and Intelligence to send this reply:

Our forces are pinned just at the gates of the Owen Sound military base south of Port Huron. They have met intense resistance and have been unable to move. Our latest messages from the front indicate the treachorous New Dubelcons are re-enforcing the combined forces of Owen Sound and Clydebank Shipyards.

If you land your forces at Rondeau Park you can take route 40 right up to the battle site.

Your landing site will be protected by 12 WWII era destroyers with the latest rapid fire automatic 5" 62 caliber naval rifles and harpoon missiles. The forces at Port Huron indicate they are out of food and only have 7-800 rounds of ammo each. Expediency is of the utmost concern.

S/Mike of Mike and Mike Shipping Elected Prime Minister of MadderMike

South of Port Huron near the Owen Sound Military Base

Field Major Mike Westmoreland leader of the "Broken Ankle" division just got off the phone with Colonel-General Armstrong of the MadderMikian Army. He assembles his senior officers and tells them all they have to do is survive another day and help will be on the way. LT Mike Bush askes if there is any food on the way.

Field Major Mike Westmoreland replies that there is one high altitude drop scheduled for midnight. The plane has 40 pallets of supplies on 10 drop platforms. 32 pallets of ammo and 8 pallets of Meals Ready to Eat (MRE)s. He tells the officers to have their men be alert and be ready to pick up the supplies.

In the field to the east of Westmoreland's HQ

The men of Company Charlie are roasting a cow they shot earlier. As the men eat the beef they have to pick out bullet fragments in almost every bite. 2ndLT Mike Kerry says "The next hunting party will use only one shot to kill the food." As he spits another fragment out.

In the offices of Mike-O-Soft software

Mike Kingnerd II deputy CEO is urging his staff to hack into the Spy Satellites owned by the E-C-N Nazis, they always have the best stuff he tells his staff. Kingnerd sells the spy photos to the MadderMikian Government and to the Indian Casino Operator government. Capitalizm is good and it is cheaper then flying your own satellites.

Five

LETIreijk military docks

RNS Marauder, and its sister ship, RNS Desperado, steamed urgently out of the LETIreijk harbour, with four type 22 frigates as escort. The Aircraft Carrier Grey Wolf was suffering mechanical difficulties, and along with two other frigates that were still refuelling and resupplying, would not be joining the task force. Admiral Wilhelmsson's battleship, RNS Slaughterfish, would not be taking part in the operation either.

The troops of the Fruit Salad battalions were even more disheartened, when General Borkman told them they would be leaving a fair amount of their heavy equipment behind, because it would take too long to load. 6th Batallion would be leading the push to the objective south of Port Huron, much to Otto's dismay.

"We don't have any time to recon the area in great detail," General Borkman was saying over the ship's intercom, "So you lads are on your own. You'll get air support from your harrier squadrons at the landing site, but don't rely on it. It's your job to find out how much they're packing, and if it's worth us landing any more troops."

Otto Jaarinen and Lief Torp were sitting on their bunks playing cards, as the message came through. "He sure knows how to raise morale." Torp commented.

"Anyway," the General continued, "I'm sure you'll all do our country proud, and whatnot. I'll leave you with a verse I think is appropriate;

Cannon to right of them,
Cannon to left of them,
Cannon in front of them
Volley'd and thunder'd;
Storm'd at with shot and shell,
Boldly they rode and well,
Into the jaws of Death,
Into the mouth of Hell
Rode the six hundred.

Ah, good old Tennyson. So, you lads know what is expected of you. Get ready to report to your landing transports at 2130. We're expecting to reach Rondeau Park at 2200 hours."

The intercom clicked off, leaving the troops of Apple company to wonder exactly how the General managed to further smash their morale with every word he spoke.

"If we get through this," said Torp, "I think I may go AWOL next time we stop in Main Teepee."

"If we get through this," said Otto, "You can be my vice-president."


Off the shore at Rondeau Park, 2158 hours

The Nimzonian squadron moved into position, and the RNS Marauder's CO signalled the MadderMikian destroyers that they were ready to begin the landing. Harriers were hastily being prepared on the flight deck.

Down in the well deck, most of 6th Batallion was already stowed onboard their amphibious landing vehicles awaiting the assault, if there would even be one. There was a lot of nervous talk about the lack of reconnaisance, and the fact that 12 MadderMikian ships were covering the landing zone, suggesting they were expecting resistance. A few of the soldiers weren't even sure who the enemy were.

On the bridge, General Borkman was staring at the coastline with his binoculars. It was dark, and there weren't any lights. "I can't see anything." he muttered, "Can't be that much there. Begin the landing!"

Down on the well deck, the sound of mechanical grinding heralded the beginning of the assault. The doors creaked open, and the deck elevator lowered the vehicles into the water. Otto, weighed down by equipment and nerves, quietly watched the other nervous troops in the back of the landing transport. A few were rocking back and forth, in a worrying manner.

"When we hit the beach, keep moving!" yelled the lieutenant, "If there's no resistance, we'll make our way straight through to route forty, and get moving. Don't get lost, or General Borkman will think you've deserted! If we come under fire, remember your training, and you'll pull through."

"Huh." muttered Private Torp, next to Otto, "We haven't exactly had time to forget it."

"Yeah." agreed Otto, and glanced around as a rumble emitted from the rear of the craft, "Uh-oh. Looks like this is it!"

The landing craft's engines began to warm up, and the vessel powered its way out of the well deck and out onto Lake Eerie. Soon, there was a stream of landing craft and amphibious fighting vehicles emitting from the two Wasp-class ships and streaking for the beach.

*Grand Admiral Scheer walks into the Naval Admiralty building overlooking the Port Trebonius shipyards, and sits down at his desk to read his ab unusually small amount of mail*

Scheer: Well, two pieces of business today, one from General Howe. Another transport request, hey, Midshipman, get this to my staff.

Midshipman: Aye aye Admiral.

*Scheer turns to the other piece of mail, sealed with the symbol of the Supreme Consul, he uses his letter opener and extracts a second inner envelope with a secrecy warning. He wonders at this, then he opens it and reads...*

Scheer: Jesus Christ...(turns to another midshipman)...get the Admiralty together, I need to talk to everyone in Port Trebonius...NOW.

Midshipman: Aye aye Admiral.

*Scheer stares at the letter for several minutes, and gets up to head to the conference room.*

::In the Hence Palace Carmine is discussing matters with his advisors::

Watson: I don't know. The fact that suddenly lock zones are hot... What's going on with that?

Jenny: It's obvious. Whoever controls the locks controls the canals, and indirectly, LETI or LOTI or LHTI or whatever the hell lake their fighting over.

Watson: I know that. I may just be a PR guy but I'm not stupid!

Jenny: I'm sorry! I was just trying to be helpful. ::She pouts a little bit, causing Watson to soften up::

Watson: Oh, it's ok. I didn't mean to sound mad. I'm just wondering what exactly is causing it to be so hot right now? There's been no trouble with locks since Avalanche took out that Manarthian ship that was holding the Lock Summit on it. What's happening now tthat's bringing that back up?

Raskalnokov: Well it's not Avalanche. Slotter has informed me that he has other plans to attend to right now. Other nations he's trying to work with.

Carmine: Does it really matter? As long as we win our battle, the others don't matter. You already know what's going to happen as soon as these conflicts are resolved. We just need to expediate the process.

Ramsus: Sir, we already have another full corps of troops arriving in the area. One division will land within 2 hours, and the rest will arrive 2 hours after that. Hopefully that will be enough to allow Edenstein to push the invaders out.

Watson: And what are we doing about CoC? We still havent' heard anything from them about the recent attacks. I tried contacting Edenstein again, but the Emperor couldn't be disturbed, and everyone else was working on the FA problem. This was a short time ago...

Carmine: I'll give them 24 hours. If we hear nothing from them, we'll assume it was a hostile act by the government that was trying to remain out of the public eye. I think that's safe. When that happens, we'll call our meeting early, and work out military action that will be suitable retaliation for the magnitude of weaponry that was used on our allies. You have your orders. Go.

*Supreme Consul von Beppler meets with his staff, after a closed door meeting of the Senate*

von Beppler: OK, I have just received the authority to intervene in the lock conflict, even without someone taking the three steps.

General Thompson: What do you want us to do sir?

von Beppler: Stand up the Rapid Deployment Force to DRL-2, and General Dill, stand up the Air Forces to DRL-2. I have notified Grand Admiral Scheer of these changes and I have stood the navy up to DRL-2 as well, and to be ready to move troops on a moments notice.

Dr. Harrison: What about strategic assets, Sir?

von Beppler: Also, all of them to DRL-2, and prepare to implement Plan Yellow against any target.

Dr. Harrison: Are you asking me to prepare to use the meganuke against civilian population centers?

von Beppler: Yes.

*Emperor Ed is sitting with his advisers, discussing the canal war, when he gets a page on his intercom*

*His secretary comes on the line*

Jane: Emperor Ed, you need to come quickly! Your wife has gone into labor!
Emperor Ed: It's about time. I'm so sick of her whining... Um, I mean, what a joyous occasion! *He turns to his advisers* Can we continue this later?
Zofia: Um, Ed... you can't exactly leave now. This is very important.
Ed: Well, my wife is having a baby.
Zofia: True... *she smirks* You could just let me handle it...
Ulonov: I don't know how well Empress Carolyn would take that.
Zofia: Not that, you idiot. The meeting.
Ed: *thinks* Well... As tempted as I am to put Ulonov in charge, I'll let you take it, Zofia. I better go. *sighs* Pray, all of you, for a quick delivery... so I don't have to hear her scream all night...
*mumbling to himself, he leaves*

::Sitting at an IHOP, Ritsuko sits at her laptop. She has not rested since they arrived, working nearly 24 hours. Meanwhile Taskmaster has resupplied them and reinformed themselves of the current situations. As Ritsuko sits with a big stack of chocolate chip pancakes covered with powdered sugar, chocolate chips, and whip cream that happens to be falling off the side right now she snaps up suddenly::

Ritsuko: THAT'S IT!!!!!!

TM: What's it?

Ritsuko: The old land of Skulkistan! THAT'S WHERE HE'S HIDING! YES!!!! YESS!! ::She takes a bite of her pancakes:: Wow! These pancakes are great!

::Taskmaster looks at her with a dumbfounded look on his face::

TM: Skulkistan? They never did anything. They just...

Ritsuko: Happened to be a militaristic isolated nation that was around before Probation Island settled in LETI. Look at the old map! Skulkistan got dropped right here next to Edenstein almost where CoC was before they left for LOTI! That would've been that area right where Edenstein, CoC, and L-o-E came together long ago... That has to be it! It only makes sense!

TM: Does Edenstein own that land now?

Ritsuko: ::Eats some more of her pancakes:: Mmmmm. I would assume so, even if they didn't officialy annex it when the people of that land disappeared::

TM: Well if Edenstein finds out we're around, we may not be safe.

Ritsuko: Oh, don't worry about that. ::She calls and leaves a coded message to Zofia on her palm pilot:
"Zofia, it's me! Ritsuko! I haven't completely disappeared, but I can't come back into the public yet. It's a long story I'll explain later... For now we need to get into one of your annexed lands quickly without being noticed. You know how to get ahold of me. Give Ulonov the finger for me! Ha ha!
-Ritusko" Taskmaster glances as she sends the message. He frowns::

TM: I dont know about this...

Ritsuko: Trust me on this one. Zofia's never let me down! ::She finishes her pancakes, raving about how delicious they are the whole time::

*General Thompson is now coordinating with Grand Admiral Scheer to get the full corp of the Rapid Deployment Force on ships and to the canal area*

Thompson: OK, Scheer, you have enough ships readily available to handle the entire corp, now we need to decide where to keep the troops before anything happens.

Scheer: Don't worry about that, Naval doctrine is that we keep the troop transports away from combat zones until the last second, we will keep them outside of shore artillery range, and it is somewhat futile to keep them out of shore to ship missile range though.

Thompson: Good enough for me, how about pre-invasion bombardment?

Scheer: Our scout planes know every inch of those beaches near the locks, we can put so much fire down that we'd be able to hit every target in a half hour.

Thompson: Now remember we haven't even planned on entering the war, this is just preparedness.

Scheer: But for Edenstein's troops to know that there are Andaluciaens ready to intervene on their behalf, well, that's a morale booster.

*Proconsul James once agains hustles about in confusion as the result of a vague order from the High Command*

James: Why do they always do this to me? Why? Are we going to intervene in the canal dispute?

General Thompson: Sir, if they've told us to stand all the troops up to DRL-2, then we'd best do so.

Proconsul James: but not just that, they've told us to deploy two of the Naval Squadrons to escort troop transports to our side of the locks...and to stand up the long range bomber squadrons...We've never had that order before, and it appears they are considering deploying several Meganukes here...My God, what is going on.

General Thompson: Well, it would appear that the same orders were issued to Halbar in Huron, so whatever happens...it's gonna happen everywhere.

Proconsul James: I know, and that is what scares me, have they issued orders to the forces in Halban and Occupied Aldovar?

General Thompson: They have issued the stand up orders, no deploying of the naval forces though.

Proconsul James: God...

*As Saturday draws to a close, the Peace Summit at the National IHOP Center for the Arts, Sam T. Eagle paces back and forth awaiting the arrival of the Chef of the State, who has been indisposed by important diplomatic matters. After a long day of waiting, the Chef throws open the side stage door and runs over to Sam in a hurried frantic pace.*

Sam: Sir, I’m glad to see you made it.

Chef: I ves held up tudey

Sam: Yes sir. I understand. Some meetings just go on and on.

Chef: Um... yeeh. Ooh, it suoond leeke-a zee coorrent speeker is dune-a!

Sam: Sir, I need to talk to you abou-

Chef: It cun veeet. Funessa seeed she-a ves gueeng tu vetch thees oon tf. I need tu get oooot zeere-a noo!

*As the Chef straightens his hat, he bursts onto the main stage looking towards the audience, even though all he can really see are the bright lights spotlighting him. He takes a stand at the podium. He waits a couple seconds for a reaction, but can hear nothing but the trumpet fanfare echoing in his ears.*

Chef: My felloo ceetizens, it is veet greet hunur I eddress yuoo tudey. Tuu lung hes feeulence-a ingoolffed oooor regeeun, und I sey ve-a moost ind it!

*He pauses for applause and reaction. Still nothing. Not even the fanfare from earlier today. As he stands at the podium, he merely hears his trusted advisor walk onto the stage.*

Sam: Sir, that’s what I was going to tell you. Nobody came.

Chef: Boot I dun’t understund.

Sam: Neither do I… it’s slightly bizarre to say the least.

????: Bizarre?? You say that’s bizarre? I say your government policies and leadership is bizarre!

*The non-directional voice sprawls all over the meeting hall, booming with hence-like proportion.*

Sam: Who is that? Show yourself!

*The spotlights dim, save for one. It trains itself on to the entrance archway of the center, although the light is not needed as the door is flung up to reveal a gigantic light emanating from it. The Chef and Sam stand on stage in awe and utter confusion. A new figure walks into the room. He approaches the stage with the spotlight trained on him speaking the whole way as he passes the empty seats.*

????: I can’t believe an imbecile like you was elected Chef. To think, after all these years I finally get have my chance to usurp you as the ultimate chef. Your popularity may have won you the election, but my years of experience clearly outweigh your quality of food preparation.

Chef: My fuud prepereshun is ixqooeesite-a! Hoo dere-a yuoo insoolt my cooleenery ebeelities! Bork Bork Bork!

????: Exquisite? You can’t even prepare a lobster! And I have proof!

Chef: Vha-vhet ere-a yuoo telkeeng ebuoot?

????: I’m talking about this afternoon.

Sam: Sir, what is he talking about? Is there something I need to know?

????: Oh you’ll see… tonite… on the news… I suggest you start resigning procedures now.

*And with a puff of smoke, the mysterious figure disappears, leaving only a small waffle iron behind.*

Chef: Uh ooh. Ve’re-a in beeg truooble-a.
Bork Bork Bork!

*Breaking news from the X-iles News Network*

Anchorman (subtitles Chris P. Byrne): We interrupt your currently scheduled program, White House Kitchens, for a late breaking and extremely ironic report. We go now to Lindsey Moran at the National IHOP Center for the Arts. Lindsey?

Lindsey: Chris, it’s an amazing story that’s developing here. Just a moment ago a man with a really really tall hat, signaling he is waffle oriented, appeared right here not more than five feet away from the news van and delivered this tape which is just absolutely startling. I will tell you right now that for those faint of heart to look away and those with small children, cover their eyes. We are now going to roll the footage.

*The revealing footage is broadcast throughout the nation.* (http://files.ajunne.tk/2004/04/30/Swedish_Chef/Muppet%20Show%20-%20Swedish%20Chef%20-%20Lobster.mov)

Chris: Ladies and gentlemen, in my wek of news broadcast have I never seen anything this grotesque. Clearly controversial, an amazing sight to behold to say the least. Let’s… watch that again.

*The news footage plays again.* (http://files.ajunne.tk/2004/04/30/Swedish_Chef/Muppet%20Show%20-%20Swedish%20Chef%20-%20Lobster.mov)

Lindsey: Chris, I believe this may be enough to bring down the Chef-incy for our leader. A recent poll of waffle oriented people clearly shows that 72% of them want to throw rocks at the presidents while the other 27% want to have toasted to a burnt crisp and served with a side of margarine. There is a one percent margin that wants him dipped in a lake. As we don’t completely understand what the deal is with that, we’re merely calling that our margin of error in this poll. You’re right Chris, Clearly controversial material.

Chris: Yes, Lindsey. Very controversial. Very embarrassing for our leader. And the nation... Ladies and gentlemen, we’ll be ready to break programming again as is needed in this horrific turn of events. But for now, we'll return you to White House Kitchens, already in progress.

*Brandt and von Beppler once again find themselves drinking and discussing policy with each other and a random General,, this time General Elanor Leonard, as per the usual, Brandt has had a little too much*

Brandt: What kind of *hic* screwed up *hic* country are those *hic* people.

von Beppler: Who knows, but I am SURE we can use this thing to our advantage.

Brandt: *hic* How?

General Elanor Leonard: How about we cast a doubt upon the authenticity of the tape? I mean, we have enough crazed government bloggers under our pay to do so.

von Beppler: Wunderbar!

Brandt: *hic* just one more, I *hic* swear *hic*!--*Brandt topples over*

von Beppler: General Elanor Leonard, go and get those bloggers to work, then come back here and help me with Willy, he's out cold.

*General Elanor Leonard goes and gets the bloggers blogging, and casting doubt, espescially upon the X-iles News Network, then she helps von Beppler help Brandt off to the bathroom and some orange juice with raw egg and hot sauce*

*In the Edenstein National Hospital, Empress Carolyn is in a private room. She is in her twenty-sixth hour of labor, and Emperor Ed has still not arrived. Empress Carolyn, suddenly screaming, startles a nearby nurse*

Carolyn: WHERE IS HE??!?!

Nurse: Ummm...

Carolyn: MY HUSBAND! He's still not here, and I have been waiting to have this baby this whole time! It's starting to get a little painful!

Nurse: Um, ma'am, if you're in pain, we can get you an epidural. And frankly, you can't really wait to have a baby. The baby will arrive when she wants to.

Carolyn: I'm waiting for my husband, and that's final. I'll give birth when he shows up! But he better hurry, because this... *she scrunches up her face* really hurts!!

::As Ritsuko and Taskmaster prepare to leave, the TV in their room shows the latest political situation in the X-iles. Ritsuko pauses and frowns::

Ritsuko: Wait a minute... ::The clip is shown again on the news:: That HAS to be fake... There's no way that's real!

TM: Well of course, lobsters don't...

Ritsuko (interrupts): It's obvious that shot was fake! The angle the lobster fired the gun from and the angle the frying pan flew did not match! The frying pan should've ended up further to the one side!

TM: And lobsters don't even...

Ritsuko: (interrupts again) Shoot that well either! Obviously most of that was just for the sport, but the one aimed shot hit it's target. I know lobsters can't aim that well!

TM: Umm... When was the last time you saw an English speaking lobster with a Mexican accent wearing a hat and firing a six-shooter?

Ritsuko: ::rubs her chin and looks up in thought:: Well now that you mention it...

::Taskmaster smacks his forehead::

Ritsuko: That doesn't change the fact. ::She pauses again as the statistics are read off:: 1% want him dipped? How many people moved in here from HO? Odd... I'll have to look into that later. After we take care of this phony clip.

TM: You mean after we take care of rescuing the Holy Emperor.

Ritsuko: Yeah, that too... ::Her palm pilot vibrates. She looks at the message:: Oh! It's Zofia!

All throughout the night, claims and accusations pour into the X-iles news network. Those who took part in the age old tradition of 4 AM breakfast suddenly found themselves in the heart of the matter.

Anchorman: Welcome back to our continuing coverage of Lobstergate 2004. To recap the day’s events thus far, a tape clearly showing a hostile group of lobsters invading the home of our beloved Chef has been disbursed to media outlets that are starting to be shown region wide. Truly a terrible scandal for such a young nation to endure. Right now we have with us two political commentators. David St. Hubbins (P) and Nigel Tufnel (W). Gentlemen, good morning.

Nigel and David: Good mornin’.

Anchorman: Gentlemen, let me start by asking you what kind of impact do you see on the Chef-incy because of this tape? We’ll start with David.

David: Well, Mr… um… Orman, I think that more than anything this will help strengthen his reign. His Chef-liness is clearly shown as the victim here as the lobsters stormed his flat. That is made quite clear. The citizens of the X-iles should not have to worry about such things as controversy as they should in showing those little weird eyed buggers a good ole one two, I say quite right.

Nigel: David, you’ve missed the bloody point. The point here is that it’s a display of pure incompetence on Sir Chef’s cookin’ abilities. I mean, come on now. Everyone knows you club the clawed crap out of ‘em before you go throwin’ ‘em in a pot. Why, I think that if at anything, Mr. Chef-ident should have had his shotgun and took down his mates and cooked himself a fancy, I say quite right.

Anchorman: Gentlemen, do you believe that the source of the tape, an unknown person of opposing waffle orientation, may have some direct link with the scandal?

David: Well of course. This is merely bad news at a bad time. Nip ‘em while there young. That seems to rue the way. But blimey, that was just plain durty. I mean, this nation was founded on press releases and whatnot, not what not press releases found this nation on.

Nigel: I couldn’t disagree more. If this weren’t released like it was, the government would ‘ev suppressed it. They would have just discrededited right then and there and silently had the bloke’s kneecaps shot off. I mean, that’s just the way we do things around here.

Anchorman: And finally, there are claims that video tape’s authenticity is faked. Do either of you see any reasoning behind this?

David: No.

Nigel: Not really.

Anchorman: … … Are you sure? Two opinionated gentlemen such as your selves have nothing to say on this clearly quickly growing high profile point in this matter?

David: I thought the lighting was nice.

Nigel: Did they add in the trumpets latah?

David: Of course they did, you bloody twit. You can’t carry a trumpet a bloomin’ six shootah at the same time!

Nigel: Well you don’t have to be snippy about it. I was once in Edenstein on business and saw a fabulous concert there involvin’ a man being shot out of a cannon while playin’ Camptown Races on the accordion. It was the most enlightening experience of my life.

David: You wankah. That was a dream I told you about that I had.

Nigel: Well, he was still playing a bloomin’ accordion wasn’t he????

David: Oh balls. That he was.

Anchorman: *sigh* Gentlemen, thank you. Stay with X-iles News Network for more developments on Lobstergate 2004.

*One tv in particular clicks off in an undisclosed location withen the country, but to those few birds that were nearby to hear it, they heard two words.*

????: Brilliant.

*The other word was 'ha' repeated alot.*

*Andaluciaen Defense Ministry Announcement*

The Andaluciaen 3rd and 7th fleet are sortieing today, they are guarding the troop transports of the Rapid Response Force, any attempt made against these ships will be considered an act of war against Andaluciae and will be responded to as such. Our goal is not to currently engage in war, but to be ready to do so if the situation requires it, similar steps are taking place with Andaluciaen forces stationed in Fijar in LOTI.

Notable ships in these fleets:

ANS Valkyrie-Norse II Class Battleship/Carrier-Command Ship 3rd Fleet
ANS Warhammer-Megalith Class Carrier-Command Ship 7th Fleet
ANS Striker-Norse II Class Battleship/Carrier
ANS Broadsword-Norse II Class Battleship Carrier
ANS Victory-Iowa II Class Battleship
ANS Invincible-Iowa II Class Battleship
ANS von Schlittel-Karlov Class Carrier
ANS Thomas-Karlov Class Carrier
ANS Perter-Karlov Class Carrier
ANS Karlov-Karlov Class Carrier

Varied other smaller ships compose the bulk of both fleets.

Notable Armaments
These fleets are equipped with cruise missiles, both conventional and nuclear tipped, and the carriers are equipped with standard nuclear air-to-surface weapons as well as conventional air-to-surface and air-to-air weapons. There are other weapons with the fleet.

*Emperor Ed finally shows up at the hospital room*

*Empress Carolyn is lying in her bed holding the baby*

Carolyn: WHERE WERE YOU?!?!

Baby: *cries*

Carolyn: Ohhhh, sorry honey... *she pats the baby's head* Don't cry...

Ed: *mutters* She's definitely going to need a nanny...

Carolyn: What??

Ed: Nothing.

Carolyn: You still haven't answered my question. You missed thirty-seven hours of labor as well as the birth of our child! I called Zofia and she said you left hours ago. What were you doing?

Baby: *gurgles*

*Ed comes over to her* Ed: Let me hold her.
*Carolyn hands the baby over to Ed*

Ed: If you must know, I was looking for a gift for you and the baby. Unfortunately, I was detained. *He smiles at the baby* What should we name her?

Carolyn: I thought you had a whole big name picked out.

Ed: Only if it was a boy. Hmmmm... *thinks* How about Natasha?

Carolyn: YES!!! That's what Tori Amos's baby is named.

Ed: *rolls eyes* Okay. How about for a middle name, Yelena? Because she's as beautiful as Helen of Troy.

Carolyn: Awwwww. Okay. Natasha Yelena Romanova it is.

Ed: *sniffs* Uh-oh. I think she needs her diaper changed. *Hands the baby back to Carolyn* I gotta go...

Carolyn: Wait! You're not going to help me change her?

Ed: Ummm... I have to get back to the conference on the canal war. Ask a nurse to help you. *He bolts*

Carolyn: Men... *She looks at the baby* It's a good thing you're a girl.

*Another meganuke test in the Andaluciae Desert at the Harrison Nuclear Test facility, this time of a more economical Meganuke, the Mk. II Fusion Bomb*

Loudspeaker Voice: 5...4...3...2...1...detonation

*A massive fireball expands, the once decorated diplomatic bash room is now filled with scientific instruments, recording everything that occurs, as the sphere of energy engulfs the bunker, the last bits of data are transmitted to a database 5 kilometers away, as the data scrolls across the screen, Dr. Schnorkel studies the information*

Dr. Schnorkel: Vundervul, vundervul, I kan zee vaht ees happened.

General Marshall: So, is the Mk. II as efficient as the Mk. I?

Dr. Schnorkel: Eet eez not az powervul, but eet eez sheaper.

General Marshall: And easier to produce?

Dr. Schnorkel: Jawohl, much eazier.

Pretend this is bold and big! SIX!!!

*Lt. Nelan returns to his men inside the forward bunker.*

Nelan: Please tell me you got that working private, the others are all out of commision!

Pvt.: Sir, its got partial power. Try it anyways.

Nelan: *On Radio* This is Lt. Nelan of the New Dubelcan Canal Echo 3. HQ do you copy? I repeat, this is Lt. Nelan of the New Dubelcan Canal Echo 3. HQ do you copy? The canal is compromised. All bases rendered inoperable. Destroyers in Lake Huron. Remove threat for reinforcements from other nations.

*The radio explodes*

Nelan: *Rears back* Damn it all! Is there any way to know if it made it through!?

Pvt.: We'll know when we have the New Dubelcan marine corp parachuting in.

Nelan: Funny. *Thinks* Continue here, I have a plan. *Runs off into the base.*

*In New Dubelco*

Comm. Officer: Sir, theres some static coming through from the low band channels sir.

Capt.: On main.

*The message comes through as follows.*

**** is Lt. Nelan of the New Dubelcan ***** Echo 3. HQ ****** copy? I repeat, this is Lt. ******** New ****** Canal Echo 3. HQ do you copy? The canal is ******* All bases rendered inoperable. Destroyers in Lake *****. Remove threat for reinforcements ****************.

*The signal dies.*

Comm.: Its dead sir.

Capt.: Relay that to command, Bratton must know.

*The signal is relayed.*

Bratton: *After listening* Finally a clue. Destroyers in lake eh? *Looks down at the message sent from C&C about the fleets.* Well then...I'll send a message to C&C about this, maybe they can help.

OOC: I feel i need to make this post because there has been some misunderstanding.

CoC as a military power doesn't exist anymore.

All forces that are fighting in the canal conflict that are CoC trained are Private Military Companies, Better Known as mercenaries. CoC is not at war with anyone and is not going to attack anyone unless someone violates the 12 mile limit out from their territory. Any I repeat Any attack on CoC itself will bring about a full nuclear retailiation being the only weapons the CoC has left. The army of 25 million you all used to know is down to 140,000. The air force of over 25,000 aircraft is practicaly non-existent and the 1,500 ship navy is down to Missile Boats, Coastal Frigates and Diesel Submarines.

We do not enter into war. But we have an unspecified number of Minuteman III Missiles. Over 20,000. Kill all the CoC Merc's you want, do what you want with them in courts and tribunals after the war. Thats fine. But remember this is not the nation of COC attacking Manarth and edenstein, it is Merc's.


Oh and sorry for my long absence. Friday night the 17th I was Activated for a State Emergency and I was helping the Bealton County Sherrif's Department keep people from looting.

PFC Wayne D. Wallace
838th Military Police Company
437th Military Police Battalion
Ohio State Troop Command
Ohio Army National Guard

OOC: Looting in Ohio!!?? Wayne I thought the next time we would hear from you, you would be directing traffic in Iraq not Ohio. Did you get to shoot looters?

IC: Chief Howling Wolf condems all hostilities that prevent ships bringing tourists to ICO to gamble. This must be the reason we rank dead last in the region for gambling.

ooc:
*realizes looting from those who are less fortuneate is not very nice, looks around and behaves scared.*

ic:
The Andaluciaen Navy has sortied two squadrons in Ontario from Fijar, and 1 squadron in Huron from Halbar. The naval forces are protecting troop transports in each lake.

*In Lake Michigan, near the Straits of Mackinac, a fierce storm rages. A lone ship rides the swells. It is old fashioned, a sailing ship from the days when men were men and boys swabbed the decks clean of the blood of many a battle. The crew: cutthroats who would do anything for a little gold...but who harbor a marked propensity towards procrastination and sloth. A tattered black flag flies from the mainmast. In the center sits a block of cheese. The ship is the Black Curdle, Terror of the High Seas, or At Least of Lake Erie and Now Perhaps Lake Michigan As Well!!!*

Gorgonzola: Where're we headin, captain?

Jack: Back to the Lake of Erie. We've done nothin for months now. No plunder. No raping the fields and pillaging the women. Now that we have a load of fine Wisconson cheese, we can sell it, repair the ship, and start acting like pirates again!!! Or we could sail around and do nothing, doesn't matter to me. Yaaarg!

The Crew: Yaaarg!

*In the Chancellor's Ready Room, Chancellor Sammek is meeting with his most trusted advisors.*

Sammek: Okay, most trusted advisors, time for some changes around here. What would you say is the biggest problem with our country.

Daniel Jackson: Well, first of all, I don't have my own personality. I mean, I don't even know what my job is!

Col. O'Neil: Yeah, it seems like we exist only to spout random lines and act as comic foil to your serious leadership role.

Sammek: Ok, this is good stuff, what else?

Gen. Hammond: Well, other than you, there doesn't seem to be anyone else in government. No governers, no ministers of stuff, no assistant dictator, we just kind of fill in whatever you need.

Sammek: I see...fascinating...and do you know what your job is?

Hammond: Well, I think I'm in charge of the military or something, but I don't really know why Col. O'Neil is here, he is just a colonel after all.

Jackson: Plus the only three of us you can remember now are all stars of the Sci Fi Channels hit series Stargate SG-1.

All: Yeah!

Sammek: So then...how do you propose we solve these problem?

Jackson: Hmm...you could give us...I don't know...actual personalities.

Sammek: I'm listening...

O'Neil: And jobs...

Sammek: Okay...

Hammond: And maybe bring in a couple more people to run the country.

Sammek: Very good. Starting tomorrow, we will reorganize the entire structure of our government, and by reorganize I mean organize for the first time. Oh, and I can't really help with the personality thing. You'll just have to go to a pshrink or something for that. And sorry I can't remember any of my other advisors. I think they died or something. Excellent work. Dismissed.

Seven

In the Owen Sound Camp
Col Campbell digs up an old tube radio just about the only working radio in the camp that hasn't be shot at least twice and gingerly hands it over to Lt. Nelan. He explains the radio only transmits in AM mode and most military units don't pay any attention to the signal.

Forward scouts are reporting that there is a column of Nimzonians moving up route 4. Col Campbell asks his intelligence officer Capt McBeth "Are they friends of MadderMike or enemies?"

Capt McBeth "Who knows, the MadderMikians are insane, but we did hear reports that the Nimzonians think New Dubelco sunk one of their cruise ships."

Col Campbell "We have to assume they are re-enforcements for MadderMike, we have to slow them down." He loads up the trucks that have been delivering food with troops. The trucks take a long circuitous route to set up an ambush along route 4.

***Later that night****
On a low lying hill overlooking route 4 and the advancing Nimzonian force

The Clydebank regulars open fire on the advancing column. It was two in the morning and the troops were still marching. The Capt McBeth remarked the Nimzonian officers were hardcore not allowing the men to camp for the night. He was pleased with the new weaponry his men had acquired from the Owen Sound Armory. For once they had modern guns, helmets, flack jackets, and 40mm grenade launchers. The Clydebankers took out their frustrations with MadderMike on the surprised Nimzonians.

Day One.

IC: ::Due to the recent Hurricanes In Lake Superior Tropical Islands, there has been widespread flooding along the Ohio river within CoC State of Ohio. The Bealton Country Sheriffs Department requests help from the State of Ohio Emergancy Management Agency (EMA) The EMA Relays the request up to the governor who then turns to the Ohio National Guard. They see the only Military Police Unit they have that hasn't been deployed in the last 2 years is the 838th MP Company out of Youngstown which is attached to the Newly Formed 437th MP Battalion in Colombus. The 1LT commanding the Company starts calling up those that live close to youngstown(no farther away than 2 hours drive). One of those Called is a young PV2(really a PFC but hasn't been officially Pinned yet). This young Private's name is Wayne Wallace. At the time of the phone call he's working a 7pm-1am shift at the local grocery store, and he gets home and returns the call at about 1:15am. He is told he is activated for a state emergency, is told to expect a 4 day operation and is to get to the armory right away. So the private throws his wet weather gear, his LBV, Kevlar, MP Club, Handcuffs and a spare uniform into his Duffel along with a sleeping bag and a full set of PT's. He then tosses his bags in his POV and speeds towards the armory doing close to 90mph the whole way and arrives in just under an hour. Immediately upon arrival he assists the E-4 and E-5 in his team in PMCS on their M-1025 HMMWV. Also they load the pioneer kit, Jack, First Aid Kit, and lastly the Sincgar radio's along with their 7 foot Antenna's. After all is done he gets to bed roughly at 0400 with wakeup at 0500.::

OOC: I was there the 17th-25th. Thats about how long the story will be

Eight

Otto had practically fallen asleep on his feet, after so many hours on the march. They hadn't had any stops for rest, and the captain kept yelling about how time was of the essence. Otto personally didn't really care if the MadderMikians starved to death; he didn't recall Nimzonia and MadderMike ever being on particularly friendly terms. This just seemed to be a coalition of convenience.

Apple company was marching right at the head of the column, and it was lucky for Otto he was in one of the back rows, as the Clydebank ambushers opened fire. The captain was the first to go, when 40mm rounds started exploding among the advancing troops. Otto heard the lieutenant yell at them to get off the road and under cover, and wasted no time in throwing himself into the bushes.

In the dark, it was hard to tell what was going on. Muzzle flash from on top of the hill seemed to give away the position of at least some of their attackers. A couple of the amphibious tanks advancing with 6th Batallion had rolled up, to give covering fire with their 7.62mm machineguns, and 76mm guns.

Otto crawled over to where some more of his company was taking cover, adrenalin surging as rogue bullets fizzed past his head. He saw Private Torp, and most of the rest of his platoon crouched behind a small rocky outcrop covered in bracken. There was something slimy and sticky in the grass nearby.

"What's that?" he yelled at Torp.

"Used to be the lieutenant!" Torp yelled back, "The sarge isn't here either!"

"What's the holdup? Where's the captain of Apple company?" came General Borkman's angry voice through their earpieces, "Speak up, man!"

There was a pause, while they all looked around to see where the captain or the NCOs had got to, and when nobody more highly ranked seemed about to answer, Otto pulled his throatmike up to his mouth, "We appear to have lost our officers, sir!"

"Bah!" General Borkman growled, "You know what your job is, anyway! Get up that hill, and find out where they're shooting from! Who is this?"

"Uh..." Otto hesitated, "Private Jaarinen, sir!"

"Well, you're a corporal for the time being, private! Get up there and see what they've got!"

Otto was about to protest, but General Borkman clicked off his radio. The other privates nearby were waiting expectantly. "Um..." Otto began, "Right, fix bayonets, I guess..."

The others looked at each other unsurely. Otto realised that he wasn't acting like an NCO, "I mean, er... FIX BAYONETS, YOU MAGGOTS!" he yelled. There was a clinking of metal, as the troops set about attaching their bayonets, with a chorus of "Yes sir!".

"Right." Otto saw them waiting for him to take the lead again, "Uh... Wizz, Lumpy, Pingu, Stick, give us covering fire! The rest of you, get ready to move! Right! Go!"

The company machinegunners rose from their cover, and opened fire up the hill, as Otto and the rest made a break across open ground to the next available cover, another rocky outcrop at the base of the hill. Otto saw at least one of the others take a hit and fall, but he managed to get under cover himself, with the majority of his troops intact. He looked up the grassy slope, and saw muzzle flash again, hardly even fifty yards away, but whoever it was seemed to be firing at a Nimzonian position behind them. He made sure his bayonet was securely fixed.

"Thor, Odin and Freyr, I didn't think it'd come to this!" Private Torp gasped next to him, "I don't want to frickin' stab someone!"

"Either that, or tell General Borkman we don't want to fight." said Otto, who was practically out of his head with the adrenalin rush, "We're dead meat, if we don't keep advancing!"

"Yeah..." Torp took a few deep breaths.

Otto glanced along the row of troops, and was sure the company had more men in than that before. Quite a few had probably got lost in the dark, after the confusion of the initial ambush. Banana and Cherry companies were moving up on their flanks, so Otto felt reasonably secure, at least, more secure than he'd be feeling if he knew his company was out there on its own.

There was a huge explosion from somewhere behind him; he glanced back, and saw a fireball rising from the road. Probably one of the light tanks had gone up, or something. He took a few deep breaths, "Alright guys, it's going to be hand-to-hand when we get up that hill! When I give the signal, we'll break cover, and charge them; they'll only get a few seconds before we're on top of them. You see anyone not in a Nimzonian uniform, shoot them, stab them, whatever, just get them the hell out of the fight. Got it?" There were a few murmurs of assent, but mostly, the men were steeling themselves for the task ahead.

Otto took a deep breath, which he sincerely hoped would not be his last, and gave the order, "Right, charge!" The remnants of Apple company surged to their feet, and broke into a run up the hill. Someone started a psychotic berserk scream, and the others picked it up as they charged, more to hold their own courage than attempt to scare the Clydebankers.

*Emperor Ed riding back in his car from the hospital is looking over the pictures of his new daughter*

Ed: Looks like I'll have to find someone to marry her off to...
*he gets a communique from Zofia at the palace*
Zofia: Emperor Congratulations on the baby.
Ed: Yes yes thank you...
Zofia: What is the babies name?
Ed: *Thinks for a moment* Natasha Yelena Romanova
Zofia: Very pretty,
Ed: Yeah Yeah... what have ya got for me?
Zofia: Well for once, Ulonov and I agree, we need to teach the CoC a lesson are estimates are that we lost about 50,000 between the fleet, the army and the airforce, we are currently down to about 40% combat effectivness
Ed: You and Ulonov agreeing on something.. first for everything.
Zofia: Yes also we are getting reports from the front that FA troops are waving white flags at the front.

*Ed sits and contemplates this*

Zofia: Emperor
Ed: ohh yes... Tell our troops to stand down, lets talk to mr Featherstone..
Zofia: What about CoC?
Ed: Well... *thinks* Move the 14th Fleet to *looks at a map on a screen in the limo* 100 miles out from their territory... until we get some kind of explanation from their government, we will have to treat this as an attack on Edenstein.
Zofia: Yes Emperor...
*the screen flashes off and Emperor Ed goes back to thinking about the baby*

*The Emperor has reached the palace, and has decided to address the people, the mood in the square was a dark one, LETI and Edenstein news had shown pictures of the TFOOT CoC planes dropping the ordinances on the troops, and the aftermath of the battle. To say they where pissed about losing their sons and daughters in battle was and understatement, never before was the minds of the Edenstein people focused on one single goal, making the CoC pay for what they had done. They could care less about the locks, they had become a rallying cry for the blood that they now desire.

The Emperor put on his best uniform and hat, and made sure everything was crisp, he ordered Ulonov, and Zofia, who hadn't slept in days to do the same*

--Out in the square--

*A man in funny clothes jumps on a bench and starts to yell to the masses, he is holding a sign that reads, "JAM THE COC IN THE ASS!"*
Man: Our sons and daughters have died because of the treachery of the CoC! Signing a treaty with us to become allies, and then stabbing us in the back! Are we gonna let this stand!

Crowd: NO!

Man: Are we going to make the CoC pay for what they did!

Crowd: YES!

Man: The CoC are pure and unadulterated EVIL!!! I lost 2 sons in the clusterfuck that they perpetuated against us!!!

Crowd: Yells of sympathy...

Other random person: Well the CoC isn't bad!

Man: Look... its a CoC Spy Among us!!!

*The crowd takes him and hauls him away just As the Emperor, Ulonov and Zofia, dressed in their best come out to address the crowd, the crowd arrupts into pandamonium*

Ed: Comrads! I come before you today to tell you of an atrocity that has befallen our great nation. An unprovoked attack by once allies the Foot CoC.
*boo's and hisses befall the crowd* Many of our brave and gallient soldiers where caught in this dastardly attack.
*zofia and ulonov both look like they are about to fall asleep*
THIS WILL NOT STAND! *pounds fist on banister* For the sake of my newly born Daughter Natasha Yelana Romanova, and for the rest of Edenstein! Your sons and daughters will not be forgotten! The CoC WILL ANSWER FOR THIS!!

*cheers come up from the crowd, slowly melts into a single clear chant*
WAR!
WAR!
WAR!
WAR!
*Emperor Ed Raises his hand and turns around to re-enter the palace he nudges Zofia and Ulonov who have fallen asleep while standing up*

*Edit to fix somethings

*Right before a performance of The Kingdom of Erie a man in a Edenstein Intelligence Agency Uniform stands up wearing a black Armband with a Linux Penguin on it*

Ladies and Gentlemen:

I have just received the information that there is a CoC spy among us—

a CoC spy watching us.

He is around, here somewhere, reporting upon you and me—sending reports about us to the Foot Coc and telling them just what we are doing with the Linux Loan. From every section of the country these spies have been getting reports over to their capital—not general reports but details—where the loan is going well and where its success seems weak, and what people are saying in each community.

For the CoC Government is worried about our great loan. Those Scots fear its effect upon the CoC morale. They’re raising a loan this month, too.

If the Edenstein people lend their billions now, one and all with a hip-hip-hurrah, it means that Edenstein is united and strong. While, if we lend our money half-heartedly, Edenstein seems weak and autocracy remains strong.

Money means everything now; it means quicker victory and therefore less bloodshed. We are in the war, and now Edensteinians can have but one opinion, only one wish in the Linux Loan.

Well, I hope these spies are getting their messages straight, letting the CoC know that Edenstein is hurling back to the autocrats these answers:

For treachery here, attempted treachery at the locks, treachery everywhere—one billion.

For murder of Edenstein women and children—one billion more.

For broken faith and promise to murder more Edensteinians—billions and billions more.

And then we will add:

In the world fight for Liberty, our share—billions and billions and billions and endless billions.

Do not let the CoC spy hear and report that you *points at man in the first row and says very gravely* are a slacker.

*The man sits down and after the Kingdom of Erie. A booth set up outside of the theater is inudated by orders for Linux bonds and men and women signing up for service in the Edenstein military*

Edit to reword somethings

*ANN News Flash: Supreme Consular Message*

Citizens of Andaluciae, after many days and nights of long hard thougt and research, your government has come to the grim conclusion that our existence is endangered. We have been forced to make a decision in this canal war, and we found this was the only option. Andaluciaen forces will be intervening on behalf of the great nation of Edenstein. We have begun to deploy the Rapid Response Force into the Edenstein rear, so as to allow us to be able to enter into this war rapidly.

We also have forces moving in LOTI, to be able to menace positions there.

The reasons for this are many, but most notable has been the attack by CoC forces against Edenstein, and their subsequent threat of use of nuclear weapons. In response to this I say, Andaluciae has 5,000 nuclear warheads, and 200 meganukes, we will use this if we feel it necessary.

Unlike CoC our armies are strong though. We have nearly 70 million men and women serving in different capacities in uniform. We can crush the aggressors. But, even though we can crush the aggressors, remember, we also do not demand unconditional surrender.

Right now Andaluciaen warplanes and naval ships will have stood up to maximum readiness, Defense Readiness Level 1, we have 2 dozen meganukes airborne at all times, and reserve formations are being called up to deal with Homeland Security while regulars are being sent to fight for freedom.

*In the defended areas covered by Edensteinian forces Andaluciaen RRF troops are being deployed*

*General Morris is in charge of the full corp of the RRF, and will probably be in charge of the million man army that Andaluciae is preparing to send, but right now he needs to figure out what he is going to do*

Morris: Ok, first Division all ashore Colonel?

Colonel James: Yessir, we've got everyone.

Morris: Good, take the division and form up, we might be needing those heavy tanks soon.

Colonel James: Will do, should we be ready in an hour?

Morris: Give it 3, you have time.

IC: ::Premier Reginald Bartlett sends a message to Emperor Ed::


Those pilots were merc's, we can't do anything about it. I surrender.




::TG's Pword to Edenstein::


*ANN News Flash: Supreme Consular Message*

Citizens of Andaluciae, after many days and nights of long hard thougt and research, your government has come to the grim conclusion that our existence is endangered. We have been forced to make a decision in this canal war, and we found this was the only option. Andaluciaen forces will be intervening on behalf of the great nation of Edenstein. We have begun to deploy the Rapid Response Force into the Edenstein rear, so as to allow us to be able to enter into this war rapidly.

We also have forces moving in LOTI, to be able to menace positions there.

The reasons for this are many, but most notable has been the attack by CoC forces against Edenstein, and their subsequent threat of use of nuclear weapons. In response to this I say, Andaluciae has 5,000 nuclear warheads, and 200 meganukes, we will use this if we feel it necessary.

Unlike CoC our armies are strong though. We have nearly 70 million men and women serving in different capacities in uniform. We can crush the aggressors. But, even though we can crush the aggressors, remember, we also do not demand unconditional surrender.

Right now Andaluciaen warplanes and naval ships will have stood up to maximum readiness, Defense Readiness Level 1, we have 2 dozen meganukes airborne at all times, and reserve formations are being called up to deal with Homeland Security while regulars are being sent to fight for freedom.


OOC: woopty friggin do.

*From the X-iles News Network*

Anchorman: Good evening. I'm Chris P. Byrne. Lindsey Moran has been fired. In our top story, Lobstergate 2004 continues to rage in an unending controversy. At a rally today to support the impeachment of our our leader, Waffles drafted a letter that called for the senate to remove the Chef from power. Their claims of ineptness and poor culinary judgement were some of the higher points. Outside the rally, Conservative Pancakes were found protesting the meeting, saying it was "an extreme move" and "would only further display a split that the Waffles have created." His Chef-incy has been hard at work trying to disprove the tape's authenticity, saying, and I quote, "I ves huldeeng a spetoola, nut a bootcher's kneeffe-a." And went on to say, "Bork. Bork... Bork." Many critics believe that the Chef will step down, but inside sources pressure from the internation community may change that decision. Ultimately, it will be the senate's decision if the Chef continues to remain in power.

*In the Oval Kitchen, the Chef and his political advisor, Ralph Thedog, talk about the recent letter that has been drafted.*

Chef: Zee senete-a mey vunt tu impeech me-a??? Cun zeey du thet?

Ralph Thedog: Yes sir, I'm afraid so. It was a provsion we put in just in case the current ruler... well, uh... sucked alot, I guess.

Chef: Boot I cun't step doon! Vhet keend ooff a merk is thet oon a neshun thet is nut ifee a munt oold?

Ralph: Uh... mmm... a bad one?

Chef: Relph, noo is vhee I need yuoo zee must. Pleese-a tell me-a. Vhet du I hefe-a tu du tu stey Cheff?

Ralph: Well, you gotta tell the people what they want to hear. That the ruling power of this nation won't step down because of any old lobster tape and... uh... you... are gonna get alot of things done!

Chef: Relph, yuoo hefe-a beee my freened fur muny yeers. I troost yuoo und yuoor edfeece-a. Boot I reelly dun't theenk thet's gueeng tu be-a inuoogh.

Ralph: Really? Um... how about we bribe a couple senators?

Chef: Nu. Bed Relph...

Ralph: Ok, ok. Jeez. Well, try this then. We could find the lobsters that did this and force them to discredit the tape. I mean, they were in it, so if they say it's fake, it's fake right?

Chef: ... It's reesky... boot pusseeble-a. Ve-a need mey need sume-a help oon thees.

*In through the doorway enters Sam T. Eagle, military advisor extrodinare.*

Sam: Sir, I'm sorry to disturb you, but this can't wait. I need to speak to you in private.

Chef: Relph, cuoold yuoo leefe-a fur a mument?

Ralph: Oh yeah, totally out.

*As Ralph leaves, Sam produces an envelope to the Chef.*

Sam: Sir, as you can see from these photographs, we have spies operating in our country. We've identified one of the people in the pictures.

*The Chef looks them over. Pictures of an IHOP with people hard at work eating and serving. But two of the figures were circled. More pictures revealed closeups of the heads.*

Sam: We are not sure who the other figure is, but the girl is most certainly Ritsuko Yamamoto of Henceland Omega. She has been identified as one of their most decorated snipers. We can only assume she must be defending this man for some reason. Sir, I believe she and the gentleman are a threat that must be dealt with. You may be in great danger.

Chef: Zeeur presence-a here-a mey meun thet Hencelund Oomega is veffffle-a ooreeented und thet meuns zeey ere-a veelling tu help zeem in a vey pusseeble-a... ooff cuoorse-a, zeen egeeen... Zeeur presence-a here-a cuoold be-a punceke-a ooreeented und thet meuns zeere-a is a unuzeer menece-a ebuoot. Zeen egeeen, it cuoold be-a a cumplete-a cueencedence-a.

Sam: Sir, I believe we should track them. We have only recently lost their trail, but I believe we could pick it up again. I have just the man for the job. He is a master of disguise, a MacGyver of invention, and has such a low profile, even his parets don't remember him.

Chef: Vhu is he-a?

Sam: Beauregard T. Stagehand. Ultimate spy.

Chef: Fery vell zeen. Send heem oooot. Thees cuoontry mey be-a doon oon me-a, boot I'm nut oooot yet.

::Ritsuko and Taskmaster prepare to leave for Edenstein territory::

Ritsuko: We're in good shape! ZOfia told me a great place to go where we wouldn't be tracked entering the country. She also gave us some good directions to that area of Edenstein. Unfortunately they haven't gotten around to charting all of former Skulkistan, so once we're there we're on our own. But that certainly gives us an added advantage!

TM: ::stops for a minute as they get into the car:: You do realize though that the whole time we were here you weren't disguised.

Ritsuko: Yeah... So?

TM: Umm, that might not have been wise.

Ritsuko: Who knows me here? As far as I remember, this nation wasn't even in this area while we were prisoners. Who here would be from HO?

TM: I don't know. Maybe you're right. But I'm still worried about that...

::They head off for Edenstein, traveling through the still unknown land of Peter Rules into the L-o-E Territories by an odd set of roads that take them through the mountains::

::In the Hence Palace, Carmine watches Ed's speech. At the conclusion he notices Watson shake his head::

Carmine: Is there a problem Helmholtz?

Watson: No sir. I just find it amazing how strong the cry for war is in Edenstein. It always has been. They're a very emotional contry and easily riled up.

Carmine: Look outside...

::Watson gets up and looks out onto Yggdrasil Square where Hence citizens have gathered in demonstration against CoC. Signs say such things as "Fight the Clan!", "All FOOT-COC no brains!", "We need no council, we need revenge!", "Ku Klux Klan, Council of Clan, coincidence?", "CoC PAX it in!", and "Suck my FOOT-COC!" It appears to be a more controlled demonstration than the one in Edenstein, but there are nearly as many people. Watson's eyes grow large::

Watson: Wh, what is all this? We didn't lose a lot of people from the bombings? What is the reason for all of this?

Carmine: This, my friend is the moind of the people. They can only take so much. Have you been watching tv lately?

Watson: Well aside from the pro-Carmine propaganda and the news I haven't seen a lot.

Carmine: The Hence History Network chose to run footage from the Great LETI War, followed the next evening by footage from the VR incident. That's when the news was broken about the chemical weapons dropped on Edenstein and HO soldiers.

Watson: ::stifles a shiver that's going up his spine:: And now they're crying for revenge... Are you going to give it to them?

Carmine: No Watson. You are...

*ANN Alert!*

Shots have been fired in the vicinity of the capitol, the Supreme Consul has resigned his position and named Grand Admiral Scheer in Charge of order and the military, he has named Senator McNamara chief civil official under emergency circumstances.

Once again, it would appear terrorists have attacked the Andaluciaen government, it would appear that large portions of the Senate are dead at the hands of Separatists.

More updates to follow...

*Samsylvannia Palace, Chancellor Sammek's Ready Room*

Sammek: Ok, is everyone here now?

Jackson: *checks list* Almost sir, we're all here but your Chief of Intelligence.

Sammek: Well, we'll just have to get started without him. Ladies and Gentlemen, welcome to the New Samsylvannian government. You'd better get to know each other, because you're going to have to pretend you've been here all along from now on. Let's go around the room and introduce ourselves.

General Aldo, Vice Chancellor: What a waste of time! General Hammond, order our forces to attack FootCoC! *General Hammond, the Supreme Commander of DOS forces, ever the cool customer, just ignores him. He answers only to the Chancellor.*

Ash Williams, advisor: Not so fast, Aldork. Primitive screwhead.

Sammek: Both of you shut up. Who's next? Anne, introduce yourself.

Anne Davenport, Emissary General: *Looks up from counting the money from the envelope taped to the bottom of her chair* Hmm...oh...sorry, what was the question?

Sammek: *Rolls his eyes* Terrific.

Ash: *Eyes the woman across the table and whistles* Well hello sugar, whats your name?

Tartiana Romanova, advisor: *Pulls gun and points it at Ash*

Sammek: Okay now people, I've had about enough of...
*A rope drops down from the ceiling and a man clad in black rappels to the ground. He swiftly pulls a pistol out of its holster with one hand while disconnecting the rope with the other. He sweeps the room with his gun and, apparently satisfied, holsters it again. The entire time he has been humming the James Bond Theme.*

Twitch: Sorry I'm late, had to be sure no one was following me.

Sammek: It's about time. Everyone, this is our Chief Intelligence Officer, Codename Twitch.

Anne: Why do they call you Tw...*Twitch suddenly pulls his gun again and fires off a round into a curtain across the room.*...you know what...nevermind.

Sammek: TWITCH! There will be no gunfire in my ready room!

Twitch: Sorry, sir, thought I saw someone hiding there.

Sammek: Forget it. Daniel, are we all here now?

Jackson: Yes, sir. Now we can get started. Just as a remin...*Twitch suddenly pulls out his gun yet again and shoots a different curtain.*

Sammek: I THOUGHT I TOLD YOU TO...*A body falls from behind the curtain this time.*...oh...um...good work.

Twitch: Told you so...

Sammek: Anyway let's get down to business...

*follow up story*
After last nights horrific hostage scenario, power has been restored to the Supreme Consul, today he thanked Grand Admiral Scheer for serving in the emergency command role at such a trying time. Elections are being postponed as a result of the attack, and greater powers are being assumed by the Supreme Consul.

Mike Bond, Minister of Information and Intelligence for MadderMike is pacing in his subterranean office. His artificial leg is whirring, clunking, buzzing and making weird clicking noises. He just got off the phone with the CEO of the E-C-N Corporation, Aldolpho Locoaleman. Dr. Locoaleman has the latest artificial arm manufactured by Amalgamated Nano Industries of MadderMike. A company wholly owned by Mike Bond and his nephew Mike of Mike and Mike Shipping, current Prime Minister of MadderMike.

Dr. Locoaleman was complaining about the noise of the artificial arm. Other people have been complaining also. There have been no complaints about the functionality, just the noise.

Bond knows he has to do something about the noise. He decides to set up another spy operation in Edenstein -- after all that is where they stole the technology in the first place.

He picks up the phone and talks to the Head of Covert Operations, MadderMikian Intelligence, Mike Invisiballe. "Mike, Mike here I need a small team to accompany me to Edenstein to pick up some good data on their latest nano technology."

"Mike, no problem, I will have the head of the team contact you in the Edenstein Hilton. The code word will be "The squeaky wheel gets shot."

Mike Bond packs up and heads to the airport to catch the latest flight to Edenstein.

*Samsylvannia Palace, Chancellor's Conference Room*

Ash: ...so then I said, 'Why don't you just pull it out?" and then he said, 'Well I can't do that, that'll kill it," so then I said, 'Well then you'll just have to...*the Chancellor walks in*...uh...good afternoon your...uh...Chancellorness?

Sammek: Cut the crap, Ash. Okay staff, what do you have for me? And where's Daniel?

Ash: Oh he's at the archives. Researching something or somesuch. Wasn't really paying attention.

Vice Chancellor Aldo: Nevermind that. Look, Sammek, you've got to take a position on the growing tensions between the X-ile factions. I think we should move the 32nd Fleet into...*Sammek holds up his hand for silence*...the waters off their coast. If we move in...

Sammek: Thank you Aldo, that will be quite enough.

Aldo: But we need to...

Sammek: I said that will be enough. I do agree with you though...Miss Davenport, deliver this message to the X-iles. *He hands a note to her* General Hammond...are the ICBCL's still operational?

Hammond: Of course, although we haven't had ammunition for them for some time. Cheese is becoming scarce, what with the economy making the shift over to ice cream production. Why do you ask?

Sammek: Here's what I have in mind...

*Buggles Ice Cream Factory*

Manager *into phone*: You want what?! No, it can't be done in that short of...yes I understand who you are but I'm telling you...*sigh*...yes I'll see what I can do. *Hangs up and yells out the door to the foreman outside his office.* Hey Mike! Get in here, you're not gonna believe this...

*An hour later a black air conditioned armored car pulls up to the factory and the back doors swing open. It is flanked by several other nondescript vehicles with very serious looking men and women with guns in them. Workers start loading it with ice cream.*

Random Worker: Wow, these guys mean business.

Random Worker 2: That's a lot of ice cream.

*Once it is loaded, the convoy with the armored car speed away across the countryside. In the middle of nowhere, they turn off the road and drive through the open doors of a nearby barn. Another hour later, the ground begins to rumble as two huge doors open up in the ground. Out of the ground rises up one of Samsylvannia's Intercontenintal Ballistic Cheese Launchers. It slowly points out to see, powers up, and launches a large package towards the land of the X-iles. It flies through the air and, once over X-ile land, breaks apart. Hundreds of containers of ice cream fall out, each with it's own little parachute. On eacy carton is a note that reads:

Dear Citizen,
Samsylvannia wishes for your country to know the peace that has been in place here in this region. To that end, we are sending these cartons of ice cream for you to eat, enjoy, and work out your differences peacefully with. Please enjoy your ice cream,

Chancellor Sammek

*Emperor Ed sits in his office in disbelief, across from him sitting in a large green chair is Admiral Ulonov, smoking a large cigar and holding a glass of brandy. Zofia is pacing around trying to come up with an explanation*

Zofia: This must be some kind of trick...

Ed: I have the access codes right here, I've tried it, I can get in their systems and look at will.

Zofia: But this isn't like them... just giving up like this..

Ulonov: As far as our intel can suggest, they've given up, rolled over, taken it up the

Ed: I think we get the point Dimitri.

Zofia: Well if its true, what is our next course of action?

Ulonov: Move them to LETI, make them our subjects.

Zofia: ARE YOU CRAZY?!?! ITS THE COC!!! IT DOSN'T MATTER IF WE ARE IN CHARGE OR NOT! THEY ARE STILL THE COC!!!

Ed: I have to agree with Zofia, Dimitri, as much as I would like to bring then here and raise their standard of living, we still don't know if this is a trick or not.

Ulonov: Well, he could leave them there and use them as a nuclear testing land. See what the full power of the HOUND can do...

Ed: That isn't an option... For now.. lets send some of our diplomats to the government.

Zofia: Then what?

Ulonov: Then we Nuke the bastards.

*Empress Carolyn walks in with Natasha Yelana Romanova, Zofia and Ulonov both stand up, salute and then walk out of the room*

Carolyn: What was going on?
Nathasha: Scream
Carolyn: Its ok Baby! *pets the baby on the head*
Ed: Maybe I should take Natasha for a while... I havn't gotten to see her much
Carolyn: Maybe if you didn't work so much?
Ed: We do have a small crisis on our hands..
Carolyn: Well take care of it, and Natasha, General Onotov and I are going shopping, since I'm back to my old sexy self again I need MORE clothes!
Ed: Alright, don't spend to much this time.
Carolyn: Its ok... I'll be frugal, only ten pairs of shoes today! *she walks out of the room leaving Ed and Natasha to themselves*
Ed: So... Natasha..... What do you like dear?
Natasha: *coo*
Ed: Interesting.... *smells the baby* Ooooh you need changed... *pages Jane* Jane, how does one change a baby?
Jane: Well a little genetic resquencing and a sledgehammer could help...
Ed: ... Why do I keep you employed you bluddy tatar...

*after a few minutes of thinking Emperor Ed takes a News paper and manages to wrap it around Natasha*

Ed: Thats better......

*at Torvalds international Airport, a bored security gaurd is sitting on duty as Mike Bond walks through the metal detector, It automaticly goes off, the gaurd wakes up just in time to see Mike trying to scurt off...*

Gaurd (Groggy) And where do you think your going mister?

OOC: Wow, I've missed a lot... Okay time to pay more attention to what's going on outside the locks again.

*X-iles News Network: Bringing not so quality news in a not so quality world.*

Anchorman: Good evening. In continuing coverage fof Lobstergate 2004, our own Chris P. Byrne is out in the field, reporting from the nation's capital. Chris?

Chris: Thanks, anonymous anchorman. We're here in Carroll in preparation this week as the senate is ready to begin hearings on the removal of our beloved Chef from office. It's believed that the Chef will make an appearance before the senate to plead his case, then delegate further responabilities to his chief political advisor as the growing protests withen the nation threaten to break our land into two.
The fraction forming withen the country is so great that the international community is starting to acknowledge our issue. Samsylvania recently dropped over 10,000 gallons of ice cream on our citizens in an attempt to "make love, not war." Unfortunately, this resulted in the death of 4 elderly citizens as they ate it too fast and died of what the coroners are calling "a really sticky headache/head explosion." The government has declared this as a diplomatic mishap and will not retaliate.
The leader of the movement against the Chef, liberal wafflist Takeshi Kaga, has expressed interest in taking over the office if it becomes open. He is expected to be present this week as the senate begins opening debates as to what to do with the current disgrace brought to the nation and whether the Chef of the State will be forced to step down. Stay with us this week as we report live from the senate hearings. Chris P. Byrne, X-iles News Network, now back to my replacement.

*Sam begins pouring over files on highly decorated officers in the XIN (X-iles Intelligence Network). He runs across one file of a highly decorated officer. Many years experiance including two theaters in the North Pacific and one tour around Europe. Very dexteritous. Any information that needs cracked he extract with his extremely quick fingers. Has numerous contacts around te world. His name: Sgt. Floyd Pepper. Sam calls him directly over a secure line to discuss an operation.*

Sam: Sgt. Pepper. Your country needs you. Your Chef needs you. We need you for an operation.

Floyd: What kind of op?

Sam: Acquistion. Black ops. This is frm the top. Very high level confidential. This should take you no more than two weeks time. And of course, you'll be handsomly rewarded.

Floyd: What's the gig?

Sam: We're looking for the lobsters shown in the tape that stormed the Chef's home a few weeks ago. Find them, capture them alive, and return to Omega base with them.

Floyd: Any leads?

Sam: We believe they are hiding in the south. They're not safe in the north from lobster traps. Look around the port towns in any mexican bars. They may try to leave the country by boat. We believe them to still be in the country, but not for much longer.

Floyd: How do you know?

Sam: ...They're talking mexican lobsters. Somebody would have seen them by now.

Floyd: Any equipment?

Sam: You're standard compliment. Tranqs., body armor, 4 by 10 stack, and rubber bands for their claws. Be warned, they're armed.

Floyd: When do I leave?

Sam: As soon as possible.

NBC Treaty of Niagra Falls

1. Hereafter, all Biological and Chemical weapons of the nations Edenstein, Manarth, Featherstones America, and HO shall be banned. Use of any such device, hereafter defined as any device designed to kill a large number of people with either active biological agents or chemicals, is prohibited. Any nation found to be holding or using such devices shall be censered by the other signers of this Treaty.

2. Hereafter the number of nuclear devices shall be limited to no more than 200 long range devices, long range being considered having a range of longer than 100 miles.

3. A delegation of no less than 5 members of the signing nations shall be established, with the ability to oversee the implimentation of this treaty. They shall have the ability to comandeer no more than one brigade of soldiers or hire no more than 300 civilians of each country in order to facilitate the enforcement of this treaty.

Treaty to End the Great Canal War

Be it known that on this day Sunday, October 3, 2004 The nations of The Empire of Edenstein and Featherstone’s America and officially acknowledge the end of hostilities in the region known as the LETI/LOTI locks.

I. Terms
a. Stand down of Combat forces in the lock region.
b. Edenstein and HO will retain control of their current locks.
c. Locks formally belonging to FOOTCOC and Manarth are now under FA control.
d. FA Troops and boundaries will be moved back to I-90
e. The Nation of Manarth will return to its status of sovereignty before the Great Canal War
f. Edenstein and its allies will be allowed free usage of the St. Lawrence Canal
g. All nations involved in the conflict will sign an agreement on Nuclear Biological and Chemical weapons
II. Land Transfers
a. As stated in Article I section C. Manarth will return to its status of sovereignty before the war.
b. Northern Britannia comes under FA control
c. The island of Kusa gains independent sovereignty
III. Military presence
a. Each nation will be allowed two corps, or numerical equivilent per lock.
IV. War Combatants
a. Each nation will return any prisoners to their respective nation in a timely fashion and in good health.
b. FOOT-COC Mercenaries will be handed over to Edenstein as war Criminals
i. FOOT-COC Pilots will undergo a military tribunal for war crimes. This tribunal will consist of delegates from the three nations that where affected by the release of chemical and biological weapons.
ii. These Pilots will not be given the rights of prisoners of war. Their independent actions have voided any protections granted to them by the Geneva Convention
iii. Pilots will be subject to sentence handed down by the tribunal
c. War criminals will be under the jurisdiction of the military tribunal
V. Military Tribunal
a. A military tribunal will be established to try any war criminals or soldiers that acted outside of the rules of war.
b. This Tribunal will consist of Delegates from Edenstein, Henceland Omega, and Featherstone’s America.
c. The verdict of the Tribunal will be final.

The undersigned acknowledge the validity of this treaty and an end to hostilities between the nations of Edenstein and Featherstone’s America.

*at Torvalds international Airport, a bored security gaurd is sitting on duty as Mike Bond walks through the metal detector, It automaticly goes off, the gaurd wakes up just in time to see Mike trying to scurt off...*

Gaurd (Groggy) And where do you think your going mister?

Mike's leg is whirring and clunking as he turns to the guard. Mike pulls out the x-ray of his leg showing a mass of electronics, wires, special pumps, actuators, hydraulic systems and a complicated set of joints allowing normal human movement in the artificial leg. "This is what set the alarms off." He says in a calm soothing voice. I knew the hypnosis training would pay off. He sets his brief case loaded with weapons and ammo down and pulls up his pantleg to show the guard his metallic grey leg "See the nice machine work." He continues in a very soft soothing voice.

*the security gaurd almost dozes back into the sleep that he was in*
Gaurd: You know my cousins second daughter who got married to my wifes niece had something like that.. lost her leg in the terrible squirrl fire of 1973, damn squirrl decided to drink some gasoline in a shed, and then spontaneously combust, send a little furry fireball screaming down the street setting half the neighborhood on fire....

*he looks down through his regulations as other irrate Mikians (about the age of 80) on vacation start yelling, the distinct sound of handguns and semi automatic weapons cocking can be heard*

Gaurd: Well I don't see anything about robotic legs..... go on...

Mike thanks the guard, checks to make sure the two 9mm semi-automatics are still in the holsters under his arms, the .25 semi-automatic in his waistband at the small of his back, and the snub-nosed .38 in the ankle holster on his good leg are still in place. He picks up the brief case loaded with more weaponry and ammo and has to threaten to shoot an 80 year old blue hair to get a taxi.

He checks into the Edenstein Hilton in his favorite room overlooking ... more buildings. He pulls out the map of the city and finds the Nano-tech factory complex. Tomorrow I will check it out he thinks.

Mike can drive well even with the artificial leg but rental car companies always give him trouble and usually refuse to rent until he pulls a gun on them. This trip he has decided to keep his hand in on stealing cars.

He reminisces about his days as a car thief in Indian Casino Operator. That is how he got his start in Intelligence. He managed to boost the MadderMikian ambassador's heavily armored, secure limo. He got about 10 feet when the ambassador (who was sitting in the back all the time) pulled a gun on him and hired him. It didn't hurt that Mike was related to the Prime Minister at the time Mike Oldsmobile Sr.

Upon hearing of the birth of Emperor Ed's daughter, Arch Count Harmonius Balder IV (1st in line for the dukedom of Balderonia) schedules a trip to Edenstein with his 5 year old son, Arch Baron Harmonius Balder V.

On the plane flight, he irritates the pilots by constantly rubbing his pudgy hands together and chanting "Royal marriage, royal marriage, royal marriage..."

The Grand Duke Balder: I say, there's a war going on with our allies? Shouldn't we be doing something about that?

Grand Viser Patronius Faust: I've been telling your magesty that for the last month.

The GDB: Okay then, gather our forces, we shall attack forthwith.

GVPF: As you wish, your magesty.

GVPF gathers the GD's generals, and tells them to impliment the plan they've all had for the past couple weeks. Soon, a squadron of destroyers escourting 3 troop transports approaches the locks, to reinforce the New Dubleco/Clydebank possitions.

*From deep in the mountains of Land O Eric, Beauguard prepares his report to send back to the Sam T. Eagle.*

Oct. 1. Acquired target through lead from border patrol. Currently heading into Peter Rules. Headed towards mountains. Spent most of day disguised as a man driving a car.

Oct. 2. Continued through mountains. Treacherous terrain has made target difficult to monitor. Spent most of day disguised as goat.

Oct. 3. Entered audio-reception range at 1700 hours. Monitored conversation. Destination still unknown, but current heading is leading through Land O Eric. Spent most of day disguised as candy tree (a unique phenomenon only found in this land).

Oct. 4. In Land O Eric. Male subject now referred to as “Taskmaster.” Female spent part of day shooting goats from up to 1 mile away with rifle. Possible suspicion I may have been detected, but no further evidence suggest. Recent conversation states subjects were recently in captivity. Will continue pursuit of subject. Currently disguised as falling boulder. Minor injury to left should due to disguise.

Current objectives:
-Tag rifle with tracking device.
-Determine final destination.
-Determine targets’ objective in X-ile territory and if necessary, prevent release of sensitive information.

*Sgt. Pepper is preparing to leave for the south while the evening news plays on in the background.*

Anchorman: Our top story: The rising political conditions in Carroll as the hearings to impeach the Chef go underway. From Carroll, is Chris P. Byrne. Chris?

Chris: Thanks. Senate hearings today on the capability and action of our Chef began today. Amongst the highlights were reviews of the tape and a determination as to what the tape showed. The determination as to the availability of the camera positions was finalized as being security footage edited together in the final produced form. What was promptly analyzed were the tapes actions against the Chef. To list, it does show an incapacity to effectively deal with invading forces, which was cast as showing a weakness in his performance capabilities. Also, his cooking capabilities were questioned as the lobster should have been incapacitated before being put into the pot. That claim, however, was promptly defended by the Chef’s political advisor, Ralph Thedog, as being an experimental cooking technique and that it was quote, “all good.” Also, his ambassadorial duties were questioned as there was no prompt welcoming of the new guests. All these claims have been placed against the Chef. Tomorrow, the senate plans to review as to what good the tapes do show. It is expected that Takeshi Kaga, leader of the waffle-oriented movement to remove the Chef from power, is expected to be at these proceedings. For X-iles News Network, I’m Chris P. Byrne. Now back to you.

Anchorman: Thanks Chris. In a related story, the national guard was called out today to put down a protest stemming from the hearings. In the town of Pleasantview, on the south side of the country, a protest rally in defense of the Chef was scheduled to meet today at the IHOP Fairgrounds. However, they were met to surprise when a waffle oriented political rally against the Chef was also scheduled to meet today. Violence broke out and spread into the downtown and coastal regions of the city. Reports indicate that the dispute broke out after waffle oriented musical group, Las Langostas, was performing their single, “El ir al Infierno Para Mil.” Some teens from the pancake party began enjoying the song to the disgust of the waffles, with claims of “Get your own band!” and “Stop listening to our music.” This prompted one fist fight that became out of control. Currently, the city is under lockdown in an attempt to restrain the spread of violence to outlaying areas.

*Sgt. Pepper stops for packing for a moment and thinks to himself.*

Sgt. Pepper: Where have I heard of that group before?

::Deep in Edenstein territory::

Taskmaster: I'm serious, I think we're being followed...

Ritsuko: You're so paranoid, you know that?

Taskmaster: Paranoid's what's kept me alive all this time.

Ritsuko: Yeah, and it's the reason you're still single.

Taskmaster: I'd rather be single than dead, and if I'm not mistaken you're single as well.

Ritsuko: I'm 16, I'm allowed to be. I still have my whole life ahead of me.

Taskmaster: Not if we're being followed..

Ritsuko: Anyway, it looks like we have about a half a days journey to get into Skulkistan territory. We should be in tomorrow morning, and then from there it's just weeding them out.

Taskmaster: How do you plan on doing that.

Ritsuko: Very easily. Just think about the absolute best, most logical place for a hideout to be. Then go the completely opposite place.

Taskmaster: You mean the most dumbest, most obvious spot?

Ritsuko: No, the opposite of the most logical spot... You'll see.

Taskmaster: ::jumps at a sound behind him. He swings around and points his gun:: Who's there?

Ritsuko: It's just a couple of falling boulders. See look. ::She walks up to the boulders that had just fallen. TM keeps his guns drawn. Ritsuko picks a random large boulder and waves:: Hey Mr. Boulder! Can you help us get to Skulkistan so we can rescue Corran from the terrorists?

TM: Jesus Christ, anyone could've heard that! You're very careless! AND you talk to inanimate objects!

Ritsuko: It keeps me sane...

TM: I think I'm going insane. I've already killed a couple of people following us, but this guy's shifty...

Ritsuko: Or not there at all... ::She sits on the boulder:: Let's have some lunch. I have some leftover pancakes from IHOP...

TM: Still? How many of those damn things did you get?

Ritsuko: Only 3 Full Stacks, but I waws saving the last ones for when we got into Edenstein, since we're safer here...

*Andaluciaen Intel is up to its ususal nonsense, and this time they are counting candy trees in the Land-o-Eric*

Lieutenant Thurber: He, look at these people, going cross country.

Assistant Director Dean: Heh, wonder what they are up to.

Thurber: Don't know what they are doing sir, but right here we have this falling boulder...

Dean: So, boulders fall all the time, your job is to count candy trees.

Thurber: Yeah, but this falling boulder conceals a man who was previously disguised as a goat and a candy tree.

Dean: Finally something relevant to your job, get back to candy trees or you're fired.

Thurber: Yeah, yeah, yeah, whatever you moron.

*From the national capital in the X-iles, here is Chris P. Byrne, fo XNN.*

Chris: Today's senate hearing focused mostly on attempting to distinguish positive outcomes from the video tape in question. Takeshi Kaga, leader of the movement against the president was at the hearings. We interviewed him following the proceedings.

*Cut to interview*

Takeshi: I can't believe that this Chef is still in office. He discriminates against the waffle population, which is over 40% of the country! His shown a complete ineptness in his role as leader as he has not even established diplomatic relations with any other country! There was no retaliation for the strike from Samsylvannia at all. Citizens died in their attack! If at anything, I eblieve we should forego these hearings and run him out of the country! If I become Chef, this nation will form a mighty new face, and while young, we will become strong! And, most importantly, Samsylvannia will pay for the death of those 4 elderly people who had so much to live for!

*Back to Chris*

Chris: Strong claims. The senate decided that from the tape, the pros about it include nothing. With no claims to help back up the Chef in this matter, the time now tolls for his bell of leadership. From Carroll, I'm Chris P. Byrne.

::Carmine is sitting in the throne room reading the reportsfromthe conflict when Watson bursts in the door::

Watson: Sir! The Treaty! It's... already happened!

Carmine: Nonsense Watson, I haven't heard a thing about it.

Watson: I know, I just found out myself, look! ::He shows a copy ofthe treaty to Carmine. Carmine scans it, frowns and grabs it out of Watson's hand. The frown grows deeper::

Carmine: ...wrote us in... and I see nothing that we gained from this whole thing.

Watson: No sir, except we keep what we already had and get to be on a Tribunal to try war criminals.

Carmine: So the treaty doesn't even mention compensation for the loss of forces. They don't even have to apologize for starting the war! ::Walks into the Map room and over to one of many little red phones. He picks up the one that goes straight to Emperor Ed of Edenstein:: Get me the Emperor.... NOW!!!!!!!

*The Andaluciaen Troops Dispatched to help in the canal region are still afloat, and they are angsty*

Lt. Stevens: We got dispatched all the way out here for a war, and now there isn't any. What is the reason for that?

Sgt. Penkar: Who knows, and anyways, we never received any battle orders anyways, or have we received any info about being pulled back.

Stevens: That's right admittedly, but who would we be moving against? Edenstein? We have fairly good relations with Edenstein.

Major Lawrence: Remember boys, we're talking about politicians decisions here, not the ideas of rational beings.

Penkar: But right now we are just sitting out here doing NOTHING.

Lawrence: Well just sit there, something is going to happen, I know that something is going down that we don't totally understand. It's too subtle, we are soldiers, we are tools of the states' diplomacy, not the diplomats.

Penkar: We shouldn't have to be the tools, we should be the state.

Stevens: Yeah, we should be in charge, we'd be so much better than the pols.

Lawrence: That's sedition Son...but it makes sense.

Stevens: It makes sense to you too, eh? Well, talk to your superiors, and see if they agree, we CAN change the system Major, and we can make it ours.

Lawrence: Yes, yes, that's what I'll do.

Upon hearing of the birth of Emperor Ed's daughter, Arch Count Harmonius Balder IV (1st in line for the dukedom of Balderonia) schedules a trip to Edenstein with his 5 year old son, Arch Baron Harmonius Balder V.

On the plane flight, he irritates the pilots by constantly rubbing his pudgy hands together and chanting "Royal marriage, royal marriage, royal marriage..."

*Edenstein Traffic control at Linux international airport gives clearence for Count Harmonius Balder IV to land, at the airport a Motorcade is waiting for him to take him to the Emperor*

*Andaluciaen forces are landing as per the request of Edenstein at the eastern end of the locks. To control them until Edenstein can get forces there. The Andaluciaen forces have their own reaction*

Maj. Lawrence: Wake up boys, we're being deployed!

Sgt. Penkar: What? Where?

Lawrence: Edenstein asked us to take care of the eastern end of the locks for a while, and that's what we're doing!

Lt. Stevens: Hot damn! Occupation duty! Even though we don't get any fighting at the front end, still, that's the best news I've heard in a month!

Lawrence: Well stop running yo' mouths, and get your boys buts in gear, you have 30 minutes until we get on the AMTRACS, so MOVE!

*Following this exchange, Andaluciaen forces load onto Amphibious Tractors and LST's, head out, then roll up on the locks unopposed, so as to secure the locks until Edenstein can get enough forces out there*

Arch Count Harmonius Balder IV: A motorcade? Already?! Excelent news my boy! I thought for sure we'd be waiting days at the hotel before being granted an audience!

Arch Duke Harmonius Balder V: Ooo! Cool cars!

Balder IV: I suppose so. Anyway, we can't seem too eager, Ed's already let on that's we're his number one choice for a royal marriage! So keep it down.

Balder V: Does Emperor Ed have icecream?

Motercade Driver: Count Harmonius Balder IV?

Balder IV: That's Arch Count Harmonius Balder IV; holder of the sacred Scepter of Huron, leader of the...

Motercade Driver: Okay, your excelency, I appologize for the error.

Balder IV: Come on then son, let's go.

Balder V: I don't wanna car ride!

Balder IV: I SAID COME ON!

::Together they ride to the Palace of Linux::

*Sam T. Eagle takes a break from reading military equipment manuals as the latest reports from Beauguard are handed to him.*

Oct. 5 Entering Skulkistan. Mission objective determined. Targets on mission to recover prior leader of HO. Will continue pursuit until otherwise instructed. Currently disguised satellite dish.

Oct. 6 --si--n c-mp-----ed- Eq-ip--nt -a-lur-. P--si--y c----r-d -- --r----

Sam: Gracious! The Chef must be informed at once!

*Sam slips into his most serious mindframe as he calls the Oval Kitchen. One ring, two rings, then... a click.*

Chef: Hellu. Vhet is it?

Sam: Sir! I-

Chef: Gutcha! I hed yuoo gueeng zeere-a. Thees is my unsvereeng meessiun. I'm nut efeeeleble-a reeght noo. Iff yuoor messege-a is persunel, press oone-a. Iff yuoor messege-a is in respunse-a tu zee ed ebuoot zee cer, press tvu. Iff yuoor messege-a is cunffeedentiel und fur my iers oonly, press three-a. Dun't furget tu veeet fur zee beep! Bork bork bork!

*Sam presses three and waits patiently as the tape fast forwards until...*

Answering Machine: Mailbox full. Please call back later.

*The phone clicks off and Sam begins thinking to himself.*

Sam: NO! Something must be done about this... but I need clearance... who could I call? ... I should counsel with Ralph.

*He calls Ralph and informs him of Beauguards report.*

Sam: As the political advisor, our combined militaristic and political authorizations can authorize stagings for an authorized international missions. We only require the appointment from the Chef to finalize this rescue before we can launch it.

Ralph: Um... sure man. You do whatever. Heh, who's the boss? You're the boss! Oh, uh, hey, listen, you think I could mention to the big man? He'd probably take it better coming from me.

Sam: Good. Just as well, I have a lot to prep for.

*As Sam hangs up the phone, he mutters under his breath one word.*

Sam: Twit.

*Empress Carolyn and her attendants prepare to receive the Duke of Balderonia and his son*

Empress Carolyn: I can't believe my daughter is less than a month old and she's already receiving suitors. *she flips her hair* She must have inherited my charisma.

Buffy: I think it's because she inherited your money and power, ma'am.

Carolyn: Well, that too. *she sighs* It's too bad Ed isn't here. He's such a better judge of these things. I can't possibly allow the first person who courts my daughter to be betrothed to her, can I? Think of all the political repercussions!

Buffy: *leaning over to Kelly* Wow, she's actually sounding kind of intelligent lately...

Carolyn: Ohhhh, look, there's a duck outside! You guys, come look at the duck! Oh, I have to take Natasha outside, she'll just love it!

Kelly: Scratch that.

Buffy: Um, Empress, may I remind you the Duke is waiting?

Carolyn: *sighs* All right, let him in. But I'm going to make an announcement later this evening to allow any friendly visitors from other countries to come have audience with us and the baby. I mean, by the time the kids are old enough to get married, we may not want an alliance with Balderonia. We're going to have to really think about this.

Buffy: When have you really thought about anything in your life?

Kelly: *clears throat* Quack quack.

Carolyn: Ohhhh, the duck just made a noise!

Buffy: *sighs*

*As Andaluciaen forces guard Edenstein's end of the locks, Andaluciaen engineers trundle about 5 miles away, and begin to look around...*

Colonel Kilnk: Here would be a good spot to begin, but I want a survey team before we do anything, make sure that this land is available.

Sgt. Penkar: You need me to call that in?

Klink: If you would. I would greatly enjoy getting construction on this harbor started.'

Penkar: Yessir.

Major Lawrence: And you're sure we can build a canal here?

Klink: Fairly certain Major, fairly certain...

*Supreme Consul von Beppler sits in front of a fire in an old chair, wrapped in a dark blue blanket, he has called former Supreme Consul William Brandt to him*

von Beppler: Brandt, (cough) you must listen to me now and remember what I am going to tell you.

Brandt: I can do that easily.

von Beppler: My illness has progressed to the point where I can no longer (cough) carry out my duties as SC. I have tendered my resignation, and I'd like you to (cough) fill the role of acting SC until elections next month.

Brandt: But, Sir, you're a national hero, you are the one behind the meganuke...

von Beppler: That is no gift, that is a curse. (cough) And I am tired of this job, you need to fill my position until the elections.

Brandt: Yessir. I'll do that...but, what about the Strategic Situation?

von Beppler: Talk to Scheer, he'll (cough) know it all. Now go, I need my rest.

*Brandt leaves the room, von Beppler gets up and goes to bed*

::Deep in Skulkistan territory, Taskmaster and Ritsuko have been searching everywhere for signs of a secret hideaway::

TM: Are you sure they're even here?

RItsuko: Yes, this is the only logically anti-logical place forthem to be. And in fact, let's check this cave out.

TM: You mean this big cave with a huge boulder acrossthe entrance?

Ritsuko: Yeah... the only problem is how we're going to open it.

TM: Any ideas:

Ritsuko: Well we could wait three days and see if the stone rolls away by itself.

TM: Umm... I have a better idea. ::He walks over to the stone and sets some explosives underneath it::

Ritsuko: Won't they hear us if we blow up the stone?

TM: Probably, but so you have any other ideas?

RItsuko: thinks for a minute:: Well... we could wait three days and...

TM: Nevermind. ::He walks over and sets off a small amount of dynamite. In the explosion, the stone rollsd a few feet revealing an opening. The two walk over to the entrance as Ritsuko rummages through their bag for a few night vision goggles::

Ritsuko: Here you go. Let's see what's going on down here... ::They enter::

*ANN News Flash, random reporter talking*

RR: It would appear that we can confirm that Supreme Consul von Beppler has resigned at this point. Our sources say that William Brandt has been appointed acting S.C. We have also heard that Brandt's first act was to name the canal being constructed after former S.C. von Beppler. If anything futher occurs, we shall decide, and then we shall report.

*Press Release Memo*

At this time, Andaluciaen Engineers have finished construction on the fortifications and the harbor at the proposed canal site. The Engineers will begin to refocus their intent now on construction the three sets of canals. Military forces are being deployed to the fortifications at a fairly rapid pace.

OOC: And I thought Kelso and I were the only crazy ones to come up with that idea.

OOC: And you're building this through what land that isn't controlled by FA?

ooc: When Edenstein asked me to temporarily occupy the canal zone, I took a little bit of liberty and occupied some extra land a short distance away. That's where I am building. I think that that bit is somewhere on this thread.

edited to include a thought that struck me right after I finished typing

*Press Release issued by the Andaluciaen Military*

Transport convoys carrying the 19th Infantry and 4th Armored Division have departed from Andaluciaen ports to the Canal Construction Zone. The transport squadrons are being escorted by the third fleet.

An offer is being made to FA to ensure the security of the Canal Construction Zone.

::In the Hence Palace, Watson finishes drafting documents for an upcoming meeting::

Watson: ::shakes his head:: I... I don't know about this. I really don't see it.

Jenny: You don't have to see it. You just have to make it happen.

Watson: But the fact is that they've been just as isolationist lately as DOS! Why is the Premiere picking them amongst everyone else? Just because it's easiest? What sick, twisted pleasure is he going to get out of this? You know how receptive everyone will be to this!

Jenny: That's why you're the man in charge of it! You make it sound so convincing!

Watson: Well when Edenstein's delegates show up we'll see what happens... When are they showing up anyway?

Jenny: Well remember, this is the time of year that most government functions slow down due to the large amount of work that has to be done.

Watson: Youre right. ::sighs:: I just worry about what's going to happen...

::Jenny walks over and puts her arms around Watson:: You need to relax. Why don't you come with me?

Watson: Uh.. err.. uh, ok...

Nine

Capt MacBeth was enjoying the short lived success of his ambush. The small force had taken the Nimzonians by surprise. They were inflicting heavy damage to the vanguard of the Nimzonian forces. His plan was to stop the advance and then disappear into the night.

MacBeth's plan was starting to come apart. "Sir, the Nimzonians are starting to regroup." 2ndLt Duncan reported.

"It's time to get out of here, round up the troops and move back to the trucks." Ordered MacBeth.

After several minutes it was clear that the Clydebank regulars were not disengaging.

"What is going on?" Screamed MacBeth.

"Sir, the men are enjoying the new weaponry and won't stop attacking." answered a nervous Duncan.

"The Nimzonians are almost on top of us! Get out of here!" commanded Captain MacBeth.

Just then someone, Clydebank or Nimzonian, no one knew, shot a flare illuminating the night sky. MacBeth saw his men being chewed up by the beserk Nimzonians. He recognized he had only a half dozen men still able to fight and he surrendered to an incredibly young private with a strangely familiar face.

Nine and a half

COL Avery Bullrush looks up as a newly appointed staff sargent approaches. "Sir, the MadderMikians are flying a truce flag."

COL Avery Bullrush "Well I'll be, can they be trusted?"

The staff sargent shrugs his shoulders and says "I'm not sure sir. They seem to have their own sense of honor."

COL Avery Bullrush "Well hell, stick a flag on the end of your rifle and wave it around they should understand that."

"Yessir""

A few minutes later a grubby, unshaved, emaciated LT approaches the encampment. He says to Capt McDonald, second in command of the Owen Sound base "Field Major Mike Westmoreland would like to initiate a cease fire truce and begin diplomatic negotiations for a lasting peace."

COL Avery Bullrush looking on says "Well that is a new one for me. I heard that the Nimzonians are moving to assist the MadderMikians. Lets sue for a truce and get out of this with our skin."

OOC: Dubelco, Nimzonia this has taken so long, TG me on how you want to proceed. i.e. Peace conference on a new thread or a quick wrap up here.

*Andaluciaen Naval Yards are now mass-producing the new type of Cruiser*
*The three Golden Eagle type cruisers slide down the ramps into the ocean*
*Supreme Consul Brandt gets up to make a speech*
Brandt: The future relies upon our strength. This is precisely why we are building these cruisers. This is also why we are building the canals on land that used to belong to FA. It is our right, our destiny and our duty to help stabilize LETI... (speech drones on about Manifest Destiny).

OOC: You do realize that FA currently controls all of the upper 1/2 of the canal zone, plus EVERYTHING about 20 miles out on either side, save a small strip owned by Jessieville Ohio. Check the map at www.angelfire.com/ns2/manarth/index.html for clarification.

IC: (For FA)

Jake Featherstone warns that young upstart nation that building a canal through what is obviously FA land is an act of war.

FA has regarissioned its terriotry in the Canal Zone adding an additional 6 Armies of soldiers (1 Armored Corp 1 Mechanized Infantry Corps 1 Light Fighter Corps each) to the Canal Zone and sorrounding area. In addition, 20 newly siezed Manarthian made Atomic Annies have been moved to the front lines and pointed at the Andaluciean garrison.

FA has sent a letter to its diplomatic corps in its allies: Dubelco, Balderonia, Comrade Trotsky, Jessiesville America, West Palm Beach, CoC, Leopold's Chicago, Edenstein, Pax Germania, The LOTO Alliance, The Reich Alliance, Sketch, The Fei Fong Wong Treaty Members (having taken possession of the locks they are now part of the treaty), Balderonia, Rifle Dropping French, Euphoni, Crippleslovenia, Andaluciea, Fijar, Northern Brittania, Celtic War Lords, Little Furry Animals, The Lizard Race, Krazy Krazy Kermit, WWII Council of Clan, WWII Edenstein, WWII Manarth, WWII MadderMike, WWII Dubelco, Dubelco, WWII Henceland Omega, Disgruntled Post Men, UPS Rebels, The Island of Kusa, Nation of Factory Idiots, Western Ohio, Indian Casino Opperators, Nimzonia, MadderMike, Eastern Detroit, Manarth, Edenstein and Henceland Omega requesting aid against the Andaluciean agression.

FA's Nuclear weapons silos have been put on Defcon-7.

FA also moves 25 Aircraft Carrier Battlegroups into the Locks up to the 5th lock (still under FA control).

Across FA, citizens are encouraged to pee on the Andalucian flag and sing its national anthem backwards while drunk on Edenstein vodka.

And the CoC mercenaries in Manarth are moved out to man the aircraft left by the arrested CoC Mercs (Once more armed with WMD).

A telegram is sent to the Andaluciaen leaders from FA.

To: Andaluciae
From: Jake Featherstone
Re: Canals

Blink

Your respectfully,
Jake Featherstone

::Premiere Carmine sits in his throne when Watson enters::

Watson: Sir, I have an urgent request from FA!

Carmine: An urgent request? What is it?

Watson: It's a desire for something, but that's not important now. They want us to send aid for their war against Andaluciae

Carmine: Interesting... isn't FA techinically on that side of things anyway?

Watson: Yes sir, but I noticed that the request is not sent out to Pax. However, it is sent out to Dubelco.

Carmine: An odd list of allies. They're picking and choosing. We must do something about this. Get the Edenstein delegates here immediately! We MUST discuss the matter!

Watson: Yes sir...

OOC: Umm, might wanna check that nation allied list, some nation are dead/mentioned twice.

OOC: I DONT CARE ANYMORE!!!!!!

IC: FA thanks Dubelco for their rapid response of support and commitment of troops. Together we shall destroy Percy Girdlebritches and the Andaluciaen threat (OOC: That's Andaluciae's leaders name now.)

IC:

Jake Featherstone talking to his aides

Did we mention Henceland Omega?

Aide: No we didn't.


Jake: well lets ask them for help too.

*message to FA*

To: Jake Featherston
From: Supreme Consul William Brandt
RE: Canal Zone

I'm sure we can work something out nice and peaceful-like. But, if you should be so insistent as to threaten war, we realize that against such an alliance we'd have little hope of victory, which would leave us with one option. Andaluciae has one of the foremost meganuke type arsenals in LETI. In the event of ANY attack against Andaluciaen forces, you can expect full massive retaliation. In addition to the 500+ meganukes, you can expect to receive the full brunt of the Andaluciaen Strategic Rocket Corp.

We urge restraint in war, we are willing to make concessions, possibly a dual-occupation of the New Canals we are building.

But should you harm a single Andaluciaen soldier, sailor or engineer. You will feel the wrath of the ASR-9 and weapons equivalent to the HOUND.

We are also perfectly capable of implementing Plan Yellow, which would leave massive amounts of FA uninhabitable. Nuclear bombers dropping 10 Megaton devices with Cobalt Jackets.

We are willing to work out a middle ground.

-Supreme Consul William Brandt

ooc: Interesting, there appears to be a nation called Andaluciea on the list...

*As the Sun rises over LETI, Andaluciaen transmissions to various military positions reaches the high point of all time. Some of the transmissions are these:*

To: Grand Admiral Scheer
From: The Admiralty
RE: Potential for War with FA

Grand Admiral, it would appear that if no compromise can be reached you and your fleets will be the front line in this war. Your job will be destroy the FA and allies fleet by any means possible. You are authorized to use nuclear tipped cruise missiles. The release codes are ******* ****** ******. May peace prevail, but if we fail, your orders are to strike with your four fleets in area immediately. We will try to send you at least 4 more fleets, but it will take some time.
We are currently withdrawing our forces from the Canal Zone, cover them.


To: General Stavros
From: The High Command
RE: Potential for War with FA

You are to begin withdrawal from the Canal zone. Keep the meganukes ready until the last minute, then, when the last troops leave, bring them with you. Leave the construction done on the Canals for FA to do as they please. Be ready though, if FA military harms a soldier, fight like hell.


To: Governor Generals of Fijar, Halbar, Halban and Occupied Aldovar
From: Supreme Consul Brandt
RE: Potential for War with FA

Your orders are to stand your forces up. Activate your naval squadrons. The portions of the nuclear and meganuclear deterrent stored in your lands are to stand up to DRL-2. Authorization codes are ***** ****** *******. We will try all we can, we must fight.

-Supreme Consul William Brandt

To: Home Defense Generals
From: The High Command
RE: Potential for War with FA

Generals, at this time You are ordered to stand your defensive forces up to DRL-1. All Vulcan cannons, Patriot Missiles, Standard Missile Block IV, Fighter Interceptor squadrons, and Genie III missiles are to stand up to maximum readiness. You are ordered to stand up all Nuclear and Meganuclear forces in the fatherland to DRL-2, with readiness to stand up to DRL-1 at a moments notice. Authorization codes are ******* ** ******** *****. We will work for peace. If we fail, you are the people's only defense against incoming nuclear weapons.



To: All Strategic Submarines
From: The Admiralty
RE: Potential for War with FA

We will begin broadcasting upon a one minute pulse. If you do not receive two pulses in a row, you are to fire all your ordinance at FA. Meganukes are to be targeted at cities, Standard nukes at any other remaining positions whilst fitted with Cobalt jackets. Authorization codes are **** ****** ********** **.



*another different telegram to FA*

To: Jake Featherstone
From: Supreme Consul William Brandt
RE: Busy Blinking

At this time we are "blinking". Your hardline is a threat to peace. But we do not wish war. We are withdrawing our forces from the seized lands. We will leave you the fortifications and the current construction on the canals. We regret that no better solution could be found, but LETI deserves more locks than what previously existed. And you couldn't be reasoned with in your state of Jingoistic madness.

Finish the canals, make LETI better. Maybe you cannot see beyond the veil of prejudice, but we can.

-Supreme Consul William Brandt

*The withdrawal has resulted in the plans to spring the coup. The Andaluciaen military leadership has found the civil government to be too weak, and as such they have decided to overthrow it, right now coup leaders are arresting loyal officers and killing politicians.*

*In Andrewtinople, the High Command Generals storm into the Supreme Consul's office*

General Larkins: Mr. Brandt...

S.C. Brandt: General, you know to address me by my title...

Larkins: You are henceforth removed from power due to your failure to confront FA.

Brandt: Whoa, I didn't know they'd held an impeachment vote already.

Larkins: We have dissolved the Legislature, you are not being impeached, you are being removed.

Brandt: What, what's going on here, where's my bodyguard?

General Harrison: Sir, your bodyguard is dead, *levels Luger pistol at Brandt's head, and fires a single shot.*

Larkins: So, it is done.

*On board the ANS Liberty, and Norse II class ship, Grand Admiral Scheer has learned of the coup, and the fact that he is on their list. He has boarded a helicopter, and begun to evacuate*

Scheer: Lieutenant, I know that our democracy has failed. I cannot aid anyone else. I need to get somewhere safe. Request landing in FA territory, then I'll see where I can get to, explain why I'm leaving.

Lieutenant Schroeder: Yessir, *into radio* FA forces, FA forces, a coup has occured in Andaluciae and I am requesting temporary asylum amidst your people in the name of Grand Admiral Scheer...

*meanwhile, the local coup plotters storm into the Admiral's cabin, pistol's drawn*

Colonel James: Where is he, goddamit.

*a gunshot sounds*

General Morris: Well, that would be General Stavros, that coward, unfortuneately all of our forces are out of the new canal area.

*Across the Andaluciaen empire, coup plotters seize control, everything is taken over, corporations, the government, the military, the Nuclear weapons, the meganukes, all seized by the coup plotters, their only failure: The escape of Grand Admiral Scheer.*

*Emperor Ed, looking over weeks of past memo's comes upon what has transpired at the locks and now another coup in Andaluciae*

Ed: *buzzes jane* What the hell is going on!
Jane: Well if you had your head out of your ass you'd realize that the lake is going to pot...
Ed: Well thank you very much Jane...
Jane: Your welcome sir...

*Admiral Ulonov and Zofia walk in, they both take their hats off and stick them under their arms*

Zofia: Emperor, looks like the whole region is going to hell in a handbasket...
Ed: So I've noticed..
Ulonov: FA has moved fleets into the canal region, The Andaluciaen Government has been over thrown again... and the price of vodka has skyrocketed due to speculation...
Ed: That is horrible....
Zofia: Also we have diplomatic telegrams from Andaluciea asking for assistance with the lock area to make them public.
Ed: Vodka.... expensive.. this can not do.... First, Zofia, do we still have operatives in Andaluciae?
Zofia: Yes, a few here and there..
Ed: Good, see if they can get ahold of anyone high up in their government that is still alive... and is still sane.. N
Zofia: Ok *writes on palm*
Ed: Also make sure our armies in the canal zone are prepared, technicly FA has violated the peace, but I'm willing to let it slide if they just back down. Ulonov, move some of our Boomer subs into posistion off of Andaluciae, they are still allies but with all hell breaking loose, I want some safe gaurds, also spin up our Skynet...
Ulonov: Yes, Emperor.
Ed: Finally, Get Goulardi on the phone, get him to freeze the price of vodka...
*they salute him and then walk out*

*after failing to get ahold of FA forces Grand Admiral Scheer has been able to get to the Andaluciaen Colony of Halbar, where the coup plotters failed.*

Governor General Korrigan: Sir, it's a marvel you made it out of here alive...

Grand Admiral Scheer: James, I learned of the coup plotters just moments before they tried to arrest me. God, I was scared. I wasn't afraid when we were toe to toe with FA, I wasn't afraid during the Junta coup, no, I had no fear then but now...they're so solid and absolute.

Korrigan: Sir, don't give up hope, there are plenty of resources here.

Scheer: But not enough to overwhelm the 3 billion people back home, or the 2.7 billion in Fijar. By God...

Korrigan: Sir, we are receiving forces not loyal to the coup plotters constantly , This land is becoming an armed camp.

Scheer: How many James, how many?

Korrigan: Besides the four million regulars stationed here all the time, there are also 10 million Colonial regs. We are the formost base in this area. And not just that, because of your redistribution of the Navy well over a third of our ships are stationed here, and loyal Sir.

Scheer: But the WMDs. They have all the nukes and meganukes!

Korrigan: Don't be so sure, right now strategic bombers are landing carrying the weapons. We've been able to add to the 40 meganukes stored here a full 200 more, and many submarine captains are still loyal, sir, we have a deterrent.

Scheer: Well, we then, that's good, we'd better contact as many allies as possible, we need to be able to get back into Andaluciae. Contact Edenstein and End of Darkness Immediately.

Korrigan: But we haven't dealt with EoD for ages sir.

Scheer: Don't worry, I know they will help.

::Deep in Edenstein controlled Skulkistan, Taskmaster and Ritsuko have been wandering through the bowels of a cave for several days::

TM: I think we've picked the wrong cave. And more than that, I believe we're completely lost.

Ritsuko: I disagree! Look at this! ::She points her flashlight to the side of the cave where omething is scrawled into the rock. Taskmaster looks carefully::

TM: Well I'll be darned... 'Suck my FOOTCOC'... Who else would engrave that?

Ritsuko: Oh, just about every non CoC citizen in LETI, but Avalanche is the only group that would do it here. ::She taps around on the rock::

TM: A hollow sound! ::He pushes around the engraving for a few moments and suddenly a door swings open into a giant subterranean atrium::

TM: Holy $*&%! ::He ducks around the corner::

Ritsuko: That's it! ::Before she can duck around a corner she is noticed by two guards on duty::

Random Guard #1: Hey! You're not supposed to be here! Identify yourself immediately!

Random Guard #2: Wait a minute! Don't you know who that is?

Ritsuko: Yeah, I'm the last person you're going to see. ::She reaches into her blouse and pulls out 2 MAC-10s and opens fire on the guards. Being caught unaware, the guards are killed rather quickly. Taskmaster jumps out::

TM: What the F&*# are you DOING?!?!?

Ritsuko: ::puts the guns away:: Well they were going to call for backup.

TM: You should've at least used a silencer!

Ritsuko: Yeah, but the last time I washed my blouse those ended up further away.

TM: How many guns do you keep on your person?

Ritsuko: ::shrugs:: How ever many are necessary... Let's go. ::They duck into a corridor::

"The Nations Fathers are Proud to Report that Andaluciae is Under Their Control"

*As former Supreme Consul von Beppler reads this headline in the paper, he wonders what occured*.

von Beppler: I cannot believe that all of this occured, I cannot believe I allowed Brandt to become Supreme Consul, I knew he'd ruin everything, but...*sigh*...the sickness wasn't good.

a Servant: Sir, the coup plotters have alerted me that they do not intend to arrest you if you stay here in your home.

von Beppler: What good can I do against them anyways, I sure hope Scheer can get something done, and that Edenstein would help us ditch those coup pricks. I sure hope.

*off the coast of Andaluciae fleet command recieves orders from the Edenstein high command, authorizing a cruise missle strike against the headquaters of the coup leaders, the orders are then passed down to the E.S. Mandrake, a Soyouz IV class battleship. After a siren is blasted warning of weapons release 12 Cruise missles are launched from VLS tubes and are sent streaming at 50 feet off the ground towards their targets in Andaluciae*

*Things are completly different on the Boomer sub E.S. Huntsville*

Radio: Con, we are recieving an EAF message..

*the XO grabs the message and authenticates it with tthe government officer on board*

XO: Sir.. I have a properly formated message authorizing a... nuclear... release on Andaluciae...

Captain: Well what are we waiting for... This is the captain spin up missile tubes 1 through 12, and 20 through 28 This is the captain...

XO: Sir.. I can't allow nuclear missles to be fired from this ship...

Captain: Repeat those orders or else I'll find someone else to do it!

XO: Sir.. I can't allow that..

Captain: FOR GODS SAKE EDENSTEIN COULD ALREADY BE LEVELLED.. *the captain pulls out his side arm and points it at the XO* REPEAT THAT NOW!

*the CO and the government officer pull their weapons on the XO, on the bridge a few other sailors pull their weapons on the captain:

Sonar officer: Captain.. I won't let you fire those nukes.. innocent people...

Captain: Innocent people my ass... Edenstein has innocent people too that are probably now either dead or glowing green.. the unified chain of command has ordered us to fire are missles and I plan on doing it.... *he shoots the XO as other gun fire erupts in the main comparment of the submarine, the Captain, CO, XO, and the Sonar operator are killed in the exchange... The government officer is kmortally wounded and the a few other sailors are wounded in the exchange*

*off the coast of Andaluciae fleet command recieves orders from the Edenstein high command, authorizing a cruise missle strike against the headquaters of the coup leaders, the orders are then passed down to the E.S. Mandrake, a Soyouz IV class battleship. After a siren is blasted warning of weapons release 12 Cruise missles are launched from VLS tubes and are sent streaming at 50 feet off the ground towards their targets in Andaluciae*

*Things are completly different on the Boomer sub E.S. Huntsville*

Radio: Con, we are recieving an EAF message..

*the XO grabs the message and authenticates it with tthe government officer on board*

XO: Sir.. I have a properly formated message authorizing a... nuclear... release on Andaluciae...

Captain: Well what are we waiting for... This is the captain spin up missile tubes 1 through 12, and 20 through 28 This is the captain...

XO: Sir.. I can't allow nuclear missles to be fired from this ship...

Captain: Repeat those orders or else I'll find someone else to do it!

XO: Sir.. I can't allow that..

Captain: FOR GODS SAKE EDENSTEIN COULD ALREADY BE LEVELLED.. *the captain pulls out his side arm and points it at the XO* REPEAT THAT NOW!

*the CO and the government officer pull their weapons on the XO, on the bridge a few other sailors pull their weapons on the captain:

Sonar officer: Captain.. I won't let you fire those nukes.. innocent people...

Captain: Innocent people my ass... Edenstein has innocent people too that are probably now either dead or glowing green.. the unified chain of command has ordered us to fire are missles and I plan on doing it.... *he shoots the XO as other gun fire erupts in the main comparment of the submarine, the Captain, CO, XO, and the Sonar operator are killed in the exchange... The government officer is kmortally wounded and the a few other sailors are wounded in the exchange*


OOC: Been watching Crimson Tide eh?


Oh and to Andulacie. you are probably the biggest godmodder to enter this arena(Tropical Great Lakes) I find it quite amusing really.


This is how i see what happened.

FA and Edenstein fight a war (my idea btw, me and Kelso feed each other ideas all the time)

Ends in Ceasefire.

Andulicie is given the right to put soldiers in the locks.

Unfortunetly they want to make their own canal (idiotic idea, being their aren't that many other good places to make one,(if there are any). Trust me, hell if it wasn't for me this canal would not be in gameplay at all.

So they completely ignore the existence of Corps of FA soldiers on both sides of the Canal Zone, Go into FA and begin to build their own canal. Not only does this person not understand basic Geography, he has no grip on reality. Seriously man WTF??? Meganukes, Dirigibles carrying Jets, Mega-Battleships?

DO YOU KNOW ANYTHING!!!!!!!!!!

I could go in depth about all of this. But i won't being this is the first post I've made in this thread in some time. and probably be the last one for a while. Being as I have been activated and will be living in VA for sometime.

Oh ::smacks Andulucia with my penis:: that is the amount of respect I have for you, trust me its more than you deserve.

Lazy post for FA

Jake Featherstone: Keep our forces near the Canal zone on high alert. The last time Andaluciea had a revolt, they attacked quite a few people. We can't afford... NUKE 'EM! NUKE THE LETI B******S! ::He shakes himself:: sorry... that's been happening for a while now. We can't afford to start a war with a nation that will engage in MAD just for killinging a single one of their soldiers.

OOC: Been watching Crimson Tide eh?


Oh and to Andulacie. you are probably the biggest godmodder to enter this arena(Tropical Great Lakes) I find it quite amusing really.


This is how i see what happened.

FA and Edenstein fight a war (my idea btw, me and Kelso feed each other ideas all the time)

Ends in Ceasefire.

Andulicie is given the right to put soldiers in the locks.

Unfortunetly they want to make their own canal (idiotic idea, being their aren't that many other good places to make one,(if there are any). Trust me, hell if it wasn't for me this canal would not be in gameplay at all.

So they completely ignore the existence of Corps of FA soldiers on both sides of the Canal Zone, Go into FA and begin to build their own canal. Not only does this person not understand basic Geography, he has no grip on reality. Seriously man WTF??? Meganukes, Dirigibles carrying Jets, Mega-Battleships?

DO YOU KNOW ANYTHING!!!!!!!!!!

I could go in depth about all of this. But i won't being this is the first post I've made in this thread in some time. and probably be the last one for a while. Being as I have been activated and will be living in VA for sometime.

Oh ::smacks Andulucia with my penis:: that is the amount of respect I have for you, trust me its more than you deserve.


ooc:
I was bored out of my mind. Nothing was happening. I had to try to get LETI to not just sit on it's ass. I also wasn't totally enlightened as to the disposition of FA troops, the geography of the area and the width of the existing canal zone.

Meganukes are a spin on the HOUND. They use the same technology. Visit the meganuke test thread.

I nabbed blimps from Aldovar when he died, but nothing that launches planes. I have no blimps that launch planes. Aldovar claimed to but he was a moron. I got some of his experimental blimps.

Mega Battleships? You mean the Norse II? They are the like a little bit bigger Kiev class ship. Pax gave me a single Megalith.

And if FA had stopped me when I did the explorations (which I did) I'd have laid off, but they didn't. If someone had pointed it out to me during the phase that occured over a month ago, I'd have stopped. No one challenged me when I had surveyors and a recon squad in FA terrirtory.

And I resent the disdain that you show towards me dearest CoC. Your response to my previous threat to CoC was an ooc: Whoopty-Freaking-Doo.
I'm not a god moder, WWII CoC you are angsty and need to take a seat.

Sorry for my little ooc rant, back to the RP, and to restore the order that I messed up out of ignorance.

And your crude incivility definitely proves that I don't need to have respect for you.

Pi Squared

It took the Nimzonians a few moments to realise that the Clydebankers had surrendered. Private Torp was still rabidly bayonetting a tree, and had to be dragged away. Otto, blood still gleaming on his bayonet, managed to snap out of the berserk rage that had gripped the company. He accepted captain Macbeth's surrender, and detailed some of the more mentally composed of his men to start rounding up the Clydebank survivors and wounded. He reported the clydebank surrender to General Borkman.

After a few moments, the captain of Cherry company arrived, to take over the situation, and Otto and the remainder of Apple company were sent back to General Borkman's command trailer for debreifing. Torp had calmed down a bit, and met Otto halfway.

"I can't believe we survived that!" he exclaimed, "I thought we were so dead!"

Otto gripped the other private by the forearm, in a warrior's handshake, "I told you we'd get through it... didn't I? I can't remember. Too much adrenalin."

Torp grinned, "Maybe... or maybe you were even more pessimistic than me. Who cares?"

Otto smiled smugly, "My father will. Any amount of luck, he'll be satisfied and pull me out of this mess."

Torp looked down, "Yeah, I guess so. Don't think my dad'll care that much."

"I'll get you out. I think I'll have a bit more respect coming my way when I get back to Koenberg."

They wandered past some burning vehicles, and some corpsmen treating some walking wounded, and arrived at General Borkman's armoured trailer. After a while, General Borkman came out, and bloviated for a while on the subject of glory and honour, and went from congratulating them on their success, to complaining about how they didn't take enough prisoners, and in the end, nobody was sure whether he was happy or angry. After he had stomped back into his trailer, leaving them a bit confused, a colonel came out, and handed an envelope to Otto.

"The General's having one of his turns." commented the colonel, somewhat irreverently, Otto thought, "but he wanted to give you this. You performed a lot better than we expected, and I'm sure your father would be proud."

Otto looked at the envelope, which was inscribed in the General's erratic handwriting, "Jaarinen, O. Commission: 2nd Lt". Otto blinked.

"Your company's taken a bit of a kicking. You're being sent back to LETIreijk for retraining. Congratulations, second lieutenant."

"Thank you, sir." Otto saluted.

The colonel smirked "Take your men back down to the beach, where the RNS Duckfoot is offloading supplies. She'll take you back to LETIreijk." With that, the colonel turned, and climbed back into the trailer.

Otto looked at the envelope for a bit longer, before putting it back in his jacket. He realised that Torp and the others were watching him.

"S'pose I've got to call you sir, now." commented Torp.

"That you do, Private." said Otto, finding some authority, "Now get your sorry asses ready to march. We're heading back to the beach."

*The frigate ANS War Axe is on patrol when it comes in contact with the Ed. submarine*

Petty Officer Lawrence: Sir, submerged contact eleven o'clock, 60 degrees down!

Political Officer Johannsen: Well, what do we have here...

Captain Hart: It's nothing, just a whale.

PO Lawrence: Sir, I'm pretty sure it's not a whale, whales make sounds different from that.

PolOf Johannsen: I'd have to say that if you don't recognize that as a threat I'll relieve you...

Cap. Hart: *hastily casts a sneer in Lawrences direction, draws his silenced 9mm pistol, and kills Johannsen with a single shot* That was a whale, anybody else disagree?

*Bridge crew nods heads in fear and respect.*

Cap. Hart: Good, we will change course to maintain position near the contact, and will the NP's please round up all of the coup plot members on the ship and hold them in the brig, we are going to liberate Andaluciae with the help of Edenstein!

*On the stricken sub, whats left of the bridge crew recieves a second EAF message, its orders are simple, fire the missles immediatly. The Government officer, holding his chest from the two bullets he recieved inserts his missle key into the turn style and types in his name and password on the keyboard. The fire control screen comes up and he types in a command that only he knows. The ship automaticly comes up to fireing depth and begins the launch sequence. Just before he dies, one Mark 64 Penguin Nuclear missle is fired from the ship. It rushes out of the tubes and away toward the hardened bunker in Andalucaie*

OOC: The Mark 64 Penguin is a homegrown nuclear missle. Its a bunker buster neutron missle. All the destructive force of a 12 mt nuke but less nuclear fallout/radiation. Be that it is a hitting a nuclear instillation I don't know how much good that it will do.

FA recon sattilites and radar facilities in the LETI region (Dubelco Naval Base) and Lock Area (Port of New Senora) detect the launch of the Andaluciean cruse missile. FA forces along the canal zone are alerted to the the fact that Andaluciea is fireing on something, possibly with nuclear devices, however the full knowlege of where the missile is headed is still unknown.

Finally, Major Yancy S. Henry, in charge of one of the Atomic Annies, makes a dicision. "We can't afford to wait and see where its headed, by then it'll be too late. Launch Matilda!"

"Matilda" the Attomic Annie Tactical Nuclear device, drawn by two large trucks, is fired toward the foward area of the Andaluciaen controlled location of the docks. (OOC: The Attomic Annie is not a balistic missile, it can not be easily seen when launched, basicly undetectable, although once it hits it's very obvious what happened.)

Once the explosion is seen, the others open fire with their nukes (20 in all), believing that war has been declared, targeting both the Andalcuciean, Edenstein and HO locations of the locks, basicly making the final 4 locks and the sorounding area inaccessable and likely killing most of the people there. One full corps of Armor and Infantry pours through, equiped with Hazmat suits about 30 minutes later, in order to pacify any survivors.

Jake Featherstone is livid.

Within an hour he is on the TV decrying the actions of Andaluciae, forcing him to attack the canal. The fact that the Andaluciaen launch was against an Andaluciaen target has been long forgotten by the government.

*The Coup plotters are occupied by the resistance forces, who have risen in open rebellion to the coup as the missile from Edenstein screams across the low Andaluciaen plain towards the New Koenigstadt Mega Nuke facility, coup loyal forces don't even see it coming*

The nuke comes to the center point over the facility, and detonates. The meganukes stored above ground are destroyed instantly as well as the warheads stored near the surface, the only warheads to survive are stored deep underground. Resistance forces in rad-protection suits swarm the facility, to deny the coup plotters their main retaliatory force, since the bombers and submarines stayed with the Republican Loyalists.

The coup is thrown into chaos, as one of their Generals detonates a nuclear warhead in his own city to attempt to halt the resistance.

The resistance forces in Andrewtinople seize the Capitol, The Ducal Palace and the High Command Bunker, where the coup leaders have just committed mass suicide.

*A Seahawk helicopter lands outside the Admiralty Command in Andrewtinople. Grand Admiral Scheer and Governor General Korrigan step out of the helicopter to take back control of the government in Andaluciae*

Scheer: My God, my God. I can't believe that this had to happen.

Korrigan: We should have known after the Junta, we should have known.

Scheer: And now FA has used nuclear warheads against the canal zone...

Korrigan: This is a dark day for LETI, but at least Edenstein's nuclear strike was able to keep the situation from being worse, those 30 meganukes could have screwed up the entire nation of Andaluciae.

Scheer: Yes, but what FA has done...this could erupt into full fledged war...and if war occurs, then we will support Edenstein. Even if we have to use...

Korrigan: It's a horrible thought, we have some two hundered of the things left though...

Scheer: Yes, if Edenstein needs us to hit, we will, our land forces aren't in the best of shape, but we still have the deterrent, good thing the bomber squads stayed loyal...

In a beachfront highrise condo watching the LETIreijk troops returing to the beach

Gregor Phillby watched the beach with his Nikon 10X50 glasses. How am I supposed to find that brat Otto?

He was called in from the Pacific to do one last assassination. So far this was the fifth "last assassination" he had been called in to do. Otto Jaarinen was his target, the son of General Jaarinen ruler of Nimzonia. Unknown to Phillby was the General's untimely demise.

Otto was a grunt in the LETIreijk army. They were everywhere down there thought Gregor. He finally spotted someone that looked like Otto but he was wearing Lt bars. He reread the description and examined the photos. That has to be him

Phillby pulled out the special built 50 cal sniper rifle. He carefully loads one of the almost 6" long bullets with the exploding head.

Watching for signs of the wind, Phillby takes aim through the 16X scope. Timing the shot between heartbeats Phillby squeezes the trigger. The bullet travels the nearly 1700 feet in one quarter of a second.

*Admiral Ulonov opens an old rusted gate and looks out onto the snow covered field, dark looking tomb stones are poking out of the freshly fallen 3 inches of snow. He walks through the gate and closes it behind him. Carefully he walks through the rows of graves, some have pictures infront of them, bottles of vodka, flowers and other trinkets. He walks down a few stones and brushes off one that is almost entirely covered with snow. It reads

Marco Krakov
1st Sgt
WWI
1890-1917

He stands up and salutes the grave and continues on. All in this cemetary are the dead of Edensteins military, fresh graves have been dug for the soldiers on the Izimbeckwi and Canal fronts. He takes out of his pocket an old piece of paper that shows its age. He looks around real quick to see if anyones looking then takes out a pair of reading glasses. Carefully he unfolds the paper and begins to read.

In Flanders Field the poppies blow
Between the crosses row on row,
That mark our place; and in the sky
The larks, still bravely singing, fly
Scarce heard amid the guns below.

We are the Dead. Short days ago
We lived, felt dawn, saw sunset glow,
Loved and were loved, and now we lie
In Flanders fields.

Take up our quarrel with the foe:
To you from failing hands we throw
The torch; be yours to hold it high.
If ye break faith with us who die
We shall not sleep, though poppies grow
In Flanders fields.

Ulonov's brushes a tear away from his face and then takes one final look around and walks out of the cemetary, closing the old rusted squeking gate behind him*

OOC: Ed -- Nice! -Mike