NationStates Jolt Archive

Do you have any ideas for small changes and things that can make the world a decidedly odder and more interesting place?

My first idea is that any nation whose currency is the 'pound', that currency should weigh a pound.

So if you have fifty pounds in your wallet, that makes for excellent exercise. :)

Do you have any ideas for small changes and things that can make the world a decidedly odder and more interesting place?

My first idea is that any nation whose currency is the 'pound', that currency should weigh a pound.

So if you have fifty pounds in your wallet, that makes for excellent exercise. :)

So the richer you are, the better shape you're in?

So the richer you are, the better shape you're in?

And the logistical difficulties in being obscenely rich would outweigh the benefits. Literally.

I'd like for American football to be played solely with your feet. None of this pussy carrying and passing. Kick that oblong thing around.

Taco-Tuesday should happen on Thursday. The name should not be changed, though.

Everyone above the age of 16 should be made to carry a loaded firearm with them when out in public.

Even if they hate firearms.

Everyone above the age of 16 should be made to carry a loaded paintball gun with them when out in public.

Even if they hate paintball guns.

Fixed.

The wearing of clogs should be compulsory from birth.

Only women past menopause should be allowed in government.

People with odd-numbered license plates should drive on the left; people with even-numbered license plates should drive on the right.

Every sport shall henceforth have an "X-TREME!!!!!!!" version that involves motorcycles, explosions, hoops of fire and girls in bikinis. Especially chess.

Everyone above the age of 16 should be made to carry a pie for throwing with them when out in public.

Even if they hate pie fights.

Fixed.

In order to promote equality, there will now be a National Talk Like a Ninja Day... The National Association for the Advancement of Ninjas (NAAN) complained that only having National Talk Like a Pirate Day was unfair.

Saturday should be renamed Caturday. :)

Saturday should be renamed Caturday. :)
Surprisingly, I endorse this.

3 day weekend.

3 day weekend.

In some parts of the world they have that. :)

http://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/a-minus-minus.png

Brought to you by www.xkcd.com

In some parts of the world they have that. :)

I'll revise to better accord with the OP intent then...

Four days working at your own job each week, for the fifth day, a computer randomly switches you with someone else, could be anything.

I'd like for American football to be played solely with your feet. None of this pussy carrying and passing. Kick that oblong thing around.

Ah a bit like AFL...or more like Soccer?

I like this idea. Lets brainstorm.

Fixed.

Everyone above the age of 16 should be made to carry watermelons wherever they go in public.

Even if they don't like watermelons.

Everyone above the age of 16 should be made to carry watermelons wherever they go in public.

Even if they don't like watermelons.

The population under the age of 16 should carry watermelons and the population over 16 should carry fried chicken.

Then they can make fun of eachother.

Fixed.

The population under the age of 16 should carry watermelons and the population over 16 should carry fried chicken.

Then they can make fun of eachother.

Everyone of any age should be made to carry some form of fruit or veg everywhere they go at all times.

They also must carry them in a funny and innapropiate way. E.g Carrots attached to shoelaces.

Everyone of any age should be made to carry some form of fruit or veg everywhere they go at all times.

They also must carry them in a funny and innapropiate way. E.g Carrots attached to shoelaces.

Carrots in pockets would also be interesting.

"Is that a vegetable or are you just happy to see me?"

"Both"

"Should have had a V8."

I have three words for you "Mandatory Finger Mustaches."
Also, the finger in question can't be your own.

Also, all people shall be required to have at least one argument with a five-year old each week. Because I shouldn't be the only one who regularly has conversations like this:
"Let's put the ball down for a moment, and..."
"No. That's not where the ball lives."
"It's a ball, it doesn't live anywhere."
"Oh yes"
"Oh no."
"Oh yes."

Do you have any ideas for small changes and things that can make the world a decidedly odder and more interesting place?

My first idea is that any nation whose currency is the 'pound', that currency should weigh a pound.

So if you have fifty pounds in your wallet, that makes for excellent exercise. :)

Bwahahahahahahahahahha! FINALLY SOMEONE ASKED! *whistles for his army of ebil gnomes who carry out a large steel box*

Uhhh just a second this shouldn't take long my card key is in my back pocket. :p

Yes I have had such ideas.

Reverse sports for example. Reverse dodgeball would involve throwing players at balls lined up on both sides of the court and in reverse baseball the pitchers hit bats with a baseball. :p

Bwahahahahahahahahahha! FINALLY SOMEONE ASKED! *whistles for his army of ebil gnomes who carry out a large steel box*

Uhhh just a second this shouldn't take long my card key is in my back pocket. :p

Yes I have had such ideas.

Reverse sports for example. Reverse dodgeball would involve throwing players at balls lined up on both sides of the court and in reverse baseball the pitchers hit bats with a baseball. :p

So in reverse soccer, the balls kick the players?

So in reverse soccer, the balls kick the players?

No, in reverse soccer, the American team wins by a landslide.

Dogbert should be named king of the world *nods*

A cartoon character can't be worse than what we've got, even if he is a megalomaniac.

My first idea is that any nation whose currency is the 'pound', that currency should weigh a pound.
Hmmm...

http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/americas/7559881.stm
An Ohio man with a hatred of paper money slapped down $8,000 in coins at a car dealership to buy a Chevrolet pick-up - then paid the rest by cheque.

James Jones, 70, produced 16 coffee cans full of coins to buy his new Chevrolet Silverado in Cincinnati and staff spent 90 minutes counting it.

Sounds like a plan. Alternatively, we could replace all money with different-coloured bars of wet soap.

No, in reverse soccer, the American team wins by a landslide.

That's just not fair. What about reverse gymnastics where we clobber tiny little girls and oddly misproportioned men with pieces of apparatus.

So in reverse soccer, the balls kick the players?

People wearing soccer ball outfits kick the players in the balls. :p

http://coolest-homemade-costumes.shippony.com/images/theme/sports/soccer/childrens-halloween-costume-01.jpg
http://www.halloweenstreet.com/images/product/183.jpg

That's just not fair. What about reverse gymnastics where we clobber tiny little girls and oddly misproportioned men with pieces of apparatus.

Hrm.. there may be some money in that idea.

Like reverse bowling. Not sure whether to throw a pin at a stack of balls, hit bowlers with pins, try to knocked over bowlers with bowling balls, or just have people walk around with bowler hats and accents.

National Hump Day!

A day where everyone just hump their partner, spouse, or random people on the streets! :D

National Hump Day!

A day where everyone just hump their partner, spouse, or random people on the streets! :D

That reminds me of the time my best friend described an international nudity day that he had as a dream. That'd be a good day to board up your doors and windows.

That reminds me of the time my best friend described an international nudity day that he had as a dream. That'd be a good day to board up your doors and windows.

Hey, if I'm willing to go out in the nude, with my very white body, that has surgical scars and lets face it a small gut and a hairy stomach, then anyone can go out in the nude! :D

People wearing soccer ball outfits kick the players in the balls. :p

http://coolest-homemade-costumes.shippony.com/images/theme/sports/soccer/childrens-halloween-costume-01.jpg
http://www.halloweenstreet.com/images/product/183.jpg

You have my complete approval and support.

Can they kick that high?

Drugs would make you Low.

The population under the age of 16 should carry watermelons and the population over 16 should carry fried chicken.

Then they can make fun of eachother.

And the population of 16 year olds can carry around the po'k chops. :tongue:

We should change the grammar rules so that you have to pronounce every letter in a word.....

Making speaking allot more fun, lol...

People who have the top 2% in IQ should be allowed to refuse to pay taxes on principal.

They shouldn't have to explain their exact reasoning either, because obviously the rest of you are too stupid to understand anyway.

People who have the top 2% in IQ should be allowed to refuse to pay taxes on principal.

They shouldn't have to explain their exact reasoning either, because obviously the rest of you are too stupid to understand anyway.

Seconded.

To quote Laurie Anderson

"I'd re-write the book of love
and make it funny,
let the ugly people
have all the money"

I tend to think any kind of colour coding on electrical cable is just pandering to electricians, so henceforth it should all be yellow.

People with odd-numbered license plates should drive on the left; people with even-numbered license plates should drive on the right.
Best idea yet.

Every sport shall henceforth have an "X-TREME!!!!!!!" version that involves motorcycles, explosions, hoops of fire and girls in bikinis. Especially chess.
There's already chess-boxing...

Have all international shipping carried by swan pedalo only.

People should reproduce through asexual budding. Sure it decreases genetic variety, but wouldn't it be great if everyone walked around with tiny versions of themselves growing off of them in various places?

The wearing of clogs should be compulsory from birth.

How is that an unhelpful idea? Clogs FTW.

anyone that says "kill me" shuld be put in a giant blender and the soup given to the poor.

Everyone much wear glasses and if you think you're too cool for it, you must wear the dorkiest, ugliest ones.

How is that an unhelpful idea? Clogs FTW.
Y'know, I'd read that as dogs before you quoted it...

Now that would be an unhelpful idea.

anyone that says "kill me" shuld be put in a giant blender and the soup given to the poor.

LIES LIES! They should be nailed to giant pieces of toast, lowered into giant toasters then given to less fortunate nations. :p

http://kungfurodeo.com/wp-content/uploads/2006/11/spidey_sez_2thumbs_up1.jpg

Duelling standards should be developed for people who drive around in cars with bumper stickers, because sooner or later you will encounter a car with a bumper sticker that disagrees with one of your bumper stickers. Honour demands satisfaction!

People that Watch Disney aged above 8 should be made to dance clog dances and drink whale blubber on street corners

Everyone must be examined and their sexiness rated.

Everyone must wear clothes based on their sexiness -- the sexier they are, the skimpier their clothing.

Everyone must be examined and their sexiness rated.

Everyone must wear clothes based on their sexiness -- the uglier they are, the skimpier their clothing.


fixed. This is for bad ideas, remember.

Taking a cue from the Olympics, the US capital should move to a different city every four years. There would also be a Summer Government, which presides during the summer, and a Winter Government, which rules during the winter months. Spring and fall are ruled by the MBA and NFL, respectively.

All men with beards are required to be bald.

Air bags in the sides instead of the front that cause passengers to bash heads. :p

how about some shitty overpriced alarm clock that runs away when it goes off...oh wait those already exist
(http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=89-cWFtXz_U&eurl=http://www.geek.com/review-clocky-mobile-alarm-clock/)
Zebra crossings should be multicoloured or better yet play notes like a piano

Fire proof cigars/cigarettes and ejection seats in just about anything. Imagine, each chair in an office building would eject in the event of any emergency, the same goes for subway trains, helicopters and busses. :p

The guidance computers of nuclear missiles should come with a default navigational randomizer script, in order to keep the point of impact a surprise.

All volcanoes should be mud volcanoes. *nod*

Every month, two random world leaders - preferably mortal enemies - will be selected, kidnapped, and dropped into some harsh region of the world, forcing them to work together to survive. They shall also be followed by cameras the whole way. If one dies, the other shall immediately resign and suffer a lifetime ban on holding public office.

bowling balls should be made of the same material as those bouncy balls

better yet paper should be waterproof :tongue:

Huge hamster wheels attached to power generators and EVERYONE takes a turn running on those to provide power (and get some exercise) for people who can't run, there will be cranks and/or pedals.

Taxes will be replaced with public service. everyone does their bit. from roadside cleanup to helping repair infastructure, to providing aid/assistance to those who need it.

better yet Toilet paper should be waterproof :tongue:
better yet...

Every month, two random world leaders - preferably mortal enemies - will be selected, kidnapped, and dropped into some harsh region of the world, forcing them to work together to survive. They shall also be followed by cameras the whole way. If one dies, the other shall immediately resign and suffer a lifetime ban on holding public office.

Actually, that makes a certain amount of perverse sense. It's a seminal useful idea and as such doesn't belong here.

bowling balls should be made of the same material as those bouncy balls

better yet paper should be waterproof :tongue:

what if bowling balls and dodgeballs were like boomerangs. After a person throws one it hurls itself at the face of the thrower. :p:)

The driver's seat in all cars should face backwards. Since travelling in the reverse gear is ridiculously slow, everyone will have to drive everywhere either with their mirrors or craning their head around in the seat if they want to get anywhere in a timely fashion.

And the airbags should be replaced with a pie launcher.

Many European countries are starting to see a negative growth rate. To counter this, one in twenty birth control pills will be a placebo.

Many European countries are starting to see a negative growth rate. To counter this, one in twenty birth control pills will be a placebo.

And on the flipside, many 'third-world' countries are in an explosive growth rate curve thing. To counter this, nineteen in twenty birth control pills will be a cyanide pill. Wait.. who am I kidding, they don't have access to birth control. To counter this we start grinding birth control pills into the water and food supply. Assuming people still eat and drink in those places.

And on the flipside, many 'third-world' countries are in an explosive growth rate curve thing. To counter this, nineteen in twenty birth control pills will be a cyanide pill. Wait.. who am I kidding, they don't have access to birth control. To counter this we start grinding birth control pills into the water and food supply. Assuming people still eat and drink in those places.

Make an aerosol conception inhibitor and dust the countries with it. Prevailing winds might send it over countries that don't need it, but, we'll live.

The driver's seat in all cars should face backwards. Since travelling in the reverse gear is ridiculously slow, everyone will have to drive everywhere either with their mirrors or craning their head around in the seat if they want to get anywhere in a timely fashion.

And the airbags should be replaced with a pie launcher.

better yet... limit all cars to one gear... and one direction. how many accidents occure when one is backing out? Eliminate the reverse gear and poof, no more backing to the car behind you.

Make an aerosol conception inhibitor and dust the countries with it. Prevailing winds might send it over countries that don't need it, but, we'll live.

But it destroys Teh OzOnE!

All easy listening music in shopping centres, elevators and other public places should be replaced by industrial noise, death metal, power electronics and grindcore, in order to more correctly reflect the true nature of our civilization.

Televisions should be designed to explode after a random period of time.

Removing the "Do Not Remove" tags from mattresses should trigger the detonation of a tactical nuclear warhead.

Taking a cue from the Olympics, the US capital should move to a different city every four years. There would also be a Summer Government, which presides during the summer, and a Winter Government, which rules during the winter months. Spring and fall are ruled by the MBA and NFL, respectively.
that is an excellently unhelpful idea!

we should do it.

Cannibal Corpse should be asked to write the new national anthem of the United States of America, that would only be reasonable. Alternatively "The Time To Kill Is Now" or "Hammer Smashed Face" from said band could be adopted as the new anthem.

Cannibal Corpse should be asked to write the new national anthem of the United States of America, that would only be reasonable. Alternatively "The Time To Kill Is Now" or "Hammer Smashed Face" from said band could be adopted as the new anthem.

We were looking for bad ideas, man. :tongue:

We were looking for bad ideas, man. :tongue:

This is the new national anthem (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=m5nBm5mYBdg&feature=related) of... every country.

Or this. (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3EebObs-vC0)

Maybe THIS (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=p68rj879Zyg).

Must....unhear....

We were looking for bad ideas, man. :tongue:

ok (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tPFYAd96WqE) :tongue:

dis is hear 4 dose dat want moar! (http://www.youtube.com/results?search_query=bad+idea+good+idea&search_type=&aq=0&oq=bad+idea+good+i) :p

All midgets shall be required to do a funny Irish dance whenever a person presents them with a four leaf clover.

Arrange all rock music in elevator music format and play it on all radio stations.

Oh, MTV is to play actual music all the time.

This is the new national anthem (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=m5nBm5mYBdg&feature=related) of... every country.

Or this. (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3EebObs-vC0)

Maybe THIS (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=p68rj879Zyg).

Must....unhear....

No...........this (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rVS3QqrXhD8) *nods sagely*

all communication should be done in Morse code using bongo drums that you are forced to carry around with you.

People in authority should speak in the "wah wah wah" voice that adults use in the Charlie Brown cartoons.

No...........this (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rVS3QqrXhD8) *nods sagely*

That's actually a good idea.

War would be impossible. Unless it involved pies.

On some occasions rum must be put in coke bottles and coke in rum bottles. It will become like a Russian Roulette of what you get when you pick the bottle up.

Do you have any ideas for small changes and things that can make the world a decidedly odder and more interesting place?

My first idea is that any nation whose currency is the 'pound', that currency should weigh a pound.

So if you have fifty pounds in your wallet, that makes for excellent exercise. :)
Nice. Although, there are days I could swear the change in my pocket amounts to 25 pounds - albeit not 25 pounds.
So I'm all for it!


Here's my unhelpful idea:

Spraycans, for example whipped cream, that once you pressed the button will continue to spray until the can is completely empty.

I bet having a "little whipped cream with your cake" becomes a whole new dimension of family entertainment.

Shaving should be fun, too!

And just imagine those poor graffiti artists...

So, uh. Yes. That's it! Press once and off it goes!

All horror movies will have to play yakety sax during the scariest and most gruesome bits.

2 + 2 will equal 5 when counting unhatched chickens

Swinger parties must take place on giant swing sets.

To promote the birth of mutants, one in twenty birth control pills will instead contain some radioactive compound.

All soldiers must play one game of Russian roulette upon entering the military. This weeds out the unlucky soldiers.

Neo-Nazis may only be permitted to hold demonstrations in city centers during rush hour. This will increase public hate of neo-Nazis, and probably give the lot of them cancer.

All horror movies will have to play yakety sax during the scariest and most gruesome bits.
And, of course, be played at a much faster speed!!! Oh, the horror!

the only acceptable way to greet another person will be with a squeaky fart

Swinger parties must take place on giant swing sets.

To promote the birth of mutants, one in twenty birth control pills will instead contain some radioactive compound.

All soldiers must play one game of Russian roulette upon entering the military. This weeds out the unlucky soldiers.

Neo-Nazis may only be permitted to hold demonstrations in city centers during rush hour. This will increase public hate of neo-Nazis, and probably give the lot of them cancer.

http://amiwakawaiidesu.deviantart.com/art/Pregnant-mother-and-daughters-82411863

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End result :eek:

An educational story about the who's (Dr Suess's whos) where their speck lands in a diuretic person's underpants. The story is supposed educate younger people about the danger of volcanoes and why so many volcano related tragedies have occurred. The story will use many analogies, symbols and allegories.

All PIN numbers must be at least one hundred characters. And you have one chance of getting it right.

What if all waste in all it's forms became giant gummi bears/worms that are one foot tall.

Do you have any ideas for small changes and things that can make the world a decidedly odder and more interesting place?

My first idea is that any nation whose currency is the 'pound', that currency should weigh a pound.

So if you have fifty pounds in your wallet, that makes for excellent exercise. :)

All keyboards should be sold in the Dvorak setup. But remain labeled in the QWERTY format.

Surprisingly, I endorse this.

If anyone was surprised by that, I'm a fish named Ernie.

Every day, a certain percentage of offices have their coffee spiked with laxatives. The particular offices are selected randomly.

Every day, a meal has to be eaten without using utensils or hands.

Also, all people shall be required to have at least one argument with a five-year old each week. Because I shouldn't be the only one who regularly has conversations like this:
"Let's put the ball down for a moment, and..."
"No. That's not where the ball lives."
"It's a ball, it doesn't live anywhere."
"Oh yes"
"Oh no."
"Oh yes."Now Fiddles, you know the ball doesn't actually live there, right?

Arnold Swarzenagger naming all elements in the periodic table in order by name. Major luls ensue.

Smush and squish are declared the dual rulers of the world. The council shall be made up of people who can identify who I am talking about.

Zebra crossings should be multicoloured or better yet play notes like a piano

This really is a great idea, my favourite so far as something simple that would make life much more colorful,

Lovely.

In fact, it's almost worth setting up somewhere and video'ing the reactions, I think it would make a great viral if done right.

People convicted of attempted suicide will sentenced to death.

All government functions shalkl be required to use the Monty Python Burglary-reporting (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=L57-vQvo34E) method.

Zebra crossings*wikis*

Oh, that's not nearly as interesting as I thought it would have been.

Nudity should be compulsory.

Promiscuity should be compulsory.

A person of any age should be allowed to carry arms.

Freedom of speech, religion, press (to print pornography) and right to assemble should be restored in schools as well as the right to bear arms.

School rules should not be enforced.

No. This is actually my real political stances.

Replace Halloween by reenacting zombie outbreaks will be compulsory.

Even if you don't celebrate Halloween.

Saturday should be renamed Caturday. :)
It already is, I think (http://www.cuteoverload.com/)?

edit: oh, and every elected official should be given death by unga-bunga at the end of their first term in office.

All police and military vehicles should be painted pink

The UN should introduce "collective mockery" as a new level of sanction. Whenever a rogue nation tries to comment on an issue, all other members must shout insults throughout the speech and slow handclap at the end. In severe cases, delegates would be expected to flash the speaker or publicly defecate on the speaker's notes. When rulers or ambassadors from the nation visit another country, rather than being greeted by a playing of the national anthem and a military parade they would instead be chased by naked dwarfs employed especially for this purpose by the UN, to the Benny Hill theme tune. This ceremony would end with a symbolic custard pie to the face and kick to the crotch. TV and radio would be scrambled by transmitters on the border, and replaced by a single station playing Rick Astley all day, every day.

Genetic screening to root out homosexuals from the military.

Wait, actually, I think that's helpful.

Genetic screening to root out homosexuals from the military.

Wait, actually, I think that's helpful.

Genetic screening to root out and destroy homophobic cretins before they join NSG.

Wait, actually, I think that's helpful.

Genetic screening to root out and destroy homophobic cretins before they join NSG.

Wait, actually, I think that's helpful.

Your name fits you well.

Your name fits you well.

Maybe, but the dunce cap fits you perfectly. Tell me, do you have a deputy village idiot to fill in for you while you're bashing your head against the keyboard on NSG?

Maybe, but the dunce cap fits you perfectly.

It's an Adam's apple, you insensitive prick.

It's an Adam's apple, you insensitive prick.

On the top of your head? Ah, sorry, you should have told me you were a mutant. Then, being a liberal, I wouldn't be able to attack you. Diversity and all that.

On the top of your head? Ah, sorry, you should have told me you were a mutant. Then, being a liberal, I wouldn't be able to attack you. Diversity and all that.

The only thing on the top of my head is my silky hair, darling.

More penguins as officers in the world's armies
http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/scotland/edinburgh_and_east/7562773.stm

The UN should introduce "collective mockery" as a new level of sanction. Whenever a rogue nation tries to comment on an issue, all other members must shout insults throughout the speech and slow handclap at the end. In severe cases, delegates would be expected to flash the speaker or publicly defecate on the speaker's notes. When rulers or ambassadors from the nation visit another country, rather than being greeted by a playing of the national anthem and a military parade they would instead be chased by naked dwarfs employed especially for this purpose by the UN, to the Benny Hill theme tune. This ceremony would end with a symbolic custard pie to the face and kick to the crotch. TV and radio would be scrambled by transmitters on the border, and replaced by a single station playing Rick Astley all day, every day.

You have my endorsement. *nod*

Making all Internet forums require moderation.

Only women past menopause should be allowed in government.
No men above the age of 30 should be allowed in government :)

Bob Sagat peanutbutter (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gp022NLQ7R0)

BUY IT! BUT IT NOW! I COMMAND YOU!

:hail::hail::hail::soap:

Fixed.
So long as it's red anti-barnacle paint, like the kind they used in Boston Harbor for a while.
Clam = schlong

Have Anonymous be put in charge of the CIA! :D

Have Anonymous be put in charge of the CIA! :D

Nah, too intelligent.

No men above the age of 30 should be allowed in government :)

Remove the bolded part, and you'd be about right:p

Nah, too intelligent.

But think of the Lulz that would insue if Anonymous had that much power!

But think of the Lulz that would insue if Anonymous had that much power!

Think of the mayhem that would ensue if the CIA suddenly became competent! :eek:

Think of the mayhem that would ensue if the CIA suddenly became competent! :eek:

Oh keep talking LG, you're turning me on. :fluffle:

Oh keep talking LG, you're turning me on. :fluffle:

If I had a dollar for every time I heard that, I could buy.... a taco.

I have three words for you "Mandatory Finger Mustaches."
Also, the finger in question can't be your own.

Also, all people shall be required to have at least one argument with a five-year old each week. Because I shouldn't be the only one who regularly has conversations like this:
"Let's put the ball down for a moment, and..."
"No. That's not where the ball lives."
"It's a ball, it doesn't live anywhere."
"Oh yes"
"Oh no."
"Oh yes."

The kid's right, though. Balls don't live anywhere.

Edit: Damn you Jello Biafra!

http://www.kentomatic.com/wp-content/uploads/2008/03/wherewolf.jpg

Sticking the cookie crisp dog in a room full of girls.

If you can conceal it in a nostril and keep it up there for 17 hours without the use of a finger you can keep it, no matter where you got it from or what it is. At no point should anyone be interrupted while in the process of trying to jam something into their nostril no matter how unlikely it is that they can get the thing up there.

All persons must own at least one mandatory copy of both Super Hornio Brothers and Super Hornio Brothers 2 in 1080p, Blu-Ray disc format. I'd make it HD-DVD but that's too brutal even for my standards.

Public nudity should be compulsory between the ages of 18 and 50.

All persons shall be required to read through "War and Peace" in one sitting at least twice.

All persons shall be required to read through "War and Peace" in one sitting at least twice.

http://pxuk.net/up/files/1/lolcats/News_DoNotWant.jpg

nations should be allowed to overlap and should exist where ever their citizens happen to be, and you should be allowed to be a citizen of as many countries as you want.

Government should cease to exist entirely at all levels. Immediately.

nations should be allowed to overlap and should exist where ever their citizens happen to be, and you should be allowed to be a citizen of as many countries as you want.

no no, this thread is for USELESS ideas, i personally happen to think that would be a VERY good one. in fact 'nations' not being geography based nor having to hold territory at all would be an even better one. and the idiologies and economics of even the smallest village completely optional at the most local level.

a USELESS idea is great walls of isolation at geographic boundries, or any place else, and the enfocement of building codes on rurual owner builders, both of which the part of the planet i live in is currently plagued with.

governments ceasing to exist completely and imediatiatly (as long as that ALSO includes ANYthing else that walks talks and acts like a government, such as corporate economic intrests and chambers of commerce, and yes "biker gangs" and the "old familaies") is only useless in the sense of being virtually unachievable.

Wars and other serious diplomatic disputes should be settled by leaders engaging in a four-round contest of rap battle, breakdancing, chess-boxing, and naked mudwrestling. This would be televised across the world for free on a UN-funded TV channel.

Wars and other serious diplomatic disputes should be settled by leaders engaging in a four-round contest of rap battle, breakdancing, chess-boxing, and naked mudwrestling. This would be televised across the world for free on a UN-funded TV channel.

oooh! and thumbwars!

All major religious offices (pope, cardinal, ayatollah, dalai lama, etc.) must be filled by people who follow different religions or atheists.

All pro-atheist movements must be led by highly religious people.

all public offices should be assigned by lot from the general population... like a military draft without the general physical fitness and killing people requirements.

all public offices should be assigned by lot from the general population... like a military draft without the general physical fitness and killing people requirements.
I will unhelpfully suggest changing this. The newly appointed person shall be required to kill and eat their predecessor within three weeks of taking power or be immediately replaced (and themselves eaten, of course).
An ex-public official is considered eaten only after being covered in barbecue sauce and at least 40% of their body mass has been consumed.

1. All homophone pairs of nouns to have their places in society switched. Ex. human arms to be replaced with weapons, and vice-versa, people to wear drinking glasses on their faces.
or
2. Glass domes to be built over deserts to keep the rain out and the heat in. All rainy countries to be entirely carpeted. Giant air conditioners installed outside in the polar regions, with the excess heat being moved to the tropics.

I will unhelpfully suggest changing this. The newly appointed person shall be required to kill and eat their predecessor within three weeks of taking power or be immediately replaced (and themselves eaten, of course).
An ex-public official is considered eaten only after being covered in barbecue sauce and at least 40% of their body mass has been consumed.

Does it have to be barbecue sauce? I have a lovely chipotle lime marinade that would work wonders on public servant. *nod*

Metal underwear to put an end to rape (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showthread.php?t=563583)

And Mission Impossible face technology should be given to mischievous individuals.

People with high IQs should be forced to engage in pie fights and mudwrestling and enjoy it.

People with high IQs should be forced to engage in pie fights and mudwrestling and enjoy it.

I already do that, it wasnt unhelpful at all, lol...

Every time the UN fails their top members must breakdance to Britney Spear's "Oops I did it again" whilst UN guards with bayonets fixed guard them to make sure they do it. This would be broadcasted on international television.

An animal protection agency in the Poke'mon universe.

Rubber nails.

And a condom machine in the Vatican. Just in case.

Ned Flanders should become president.

All intelligence agencies must find out everything about everyone and make all information on all people available to everyone.

Chaos ensues :eek:

Government subsidies for pro Image Macro Artists. Hey, the arts are expanding into new media, does that make them any less relevant? Surely social satire should not be left in the cold!

People must flip coins to make every single decision, every single time...

during opposite day the people mus rule the world and the NWO has to become the pawn. After opposite day things change back accordingly.

There should be a virtual simulator of the world only with an unhelpful idea button on it so that the one who presses the button can make his unhelpful idea virtual reality. He/ she can do this at any time without the consent of those hooked up to the simulator.

Note: These simulators are the kinds that make those hooked up feel that the virtual environment they've been placed in is real. :p

revamp the Political Election system to make it more like Big Brother and American Idol. Every week, each candidate (all candidates) has to present their ideals and goals (SPECIFICS, nothing general like "I'll examine the economy carefully and take appropriate action which will still be better than whoever's plan.")

perhaps tossing in some tasks or what not, and each week, one is voted off via phone poll (lowest # of callers gets the boot) until the last person remains.

At some point during any election, all candidates must do a song-and-dance routine.

At some point during any election, all candidates must do a song-and-dance routine. YES! This needs to be implemented.

Do you have any ideas for small changes and things that can make the world a decidedly odder and more interesting place?

Cause and effect is generally an unhelpful idea. Take for instance the effect that occurs after a night of drinking --totally unhelpful.

At some point during any election, all candidates must do a song-and-dance routine.

agreed.

and they all must live in the same house. after all, how can one person promise to unite the parties if they can't live with their political opponent.

All currency will be in tacos. Higher value tacos have better stuffing. Eating and forging new tacos is permitted, and inflation is not a possibility. Oh, and laws of physics are ignored every 12 days, but not every 12th day.

CEOs shall be selected via audition.

Every day should begin with a ninja fight to the breakfast table, a Michael Bay chase scene to work, outsmarting the terrorists and saving the hostages during lunch-time and defusing a nuclear bomb by 1/100 of a second before dinner.

The people who think up Japanese game shows should be put in charge of the Federal Reserve.

CEOs shall be selected via audition.


Would the audience vote them off or would there be a panel of judges?

Would the audience vote them off or would there be a panel of judges?

CEO Deathmatch. Chainsaws.
'Nuff said.

A martial arts movie that is poorly translated where every business in one city each is secret ruled and ran by rival ninja clans.

All people must take a test to determine how mischievous they are, those who get a high enough score get to order spy equipment free. :D

All buildings must be edible.

TV will show only live performances (even movies) and TV controllers will have a large red button that will enable the viewer to give an electric shock to the actor/speaker aimed.

One in every 100 muffins will contain a powerful laxative, for major lulz.

The rule "if you die on the internet you die in real life" will be strictly enforced.

Whenever political or religious leaders are making public performances, a laughing track should be mandatory.

To surpass the fireworks display at Beijing, the London 2012 Olympics opening ceremony should include thousands of nukes being fired at the moon.

All pieces of public art, like statues, murals and sculptures, should be designed by children.

One from Spike Milligan here:

All politicians should be required to lower their trousers before making any public speech (including speeches to Parliament, TV, etcetera).

Stephen Colbert should be elected president, and THEN all above "All politicians must do X" rules must be enforced.

Also, the Oval Office would be replaced by the "The Colbert Report" set.

All potable water in the entire world should be spiked with LSD. The colours!

All classic novels will be replaced with large text, picture book substitutes (starting with the Bible), while picture books will be replaced with novels that explore the religious, moral, ethical, philisophical, and technical implications of an "Ugly Duckling" or of "Clifford, The Big Red Dog."

I would suggest that we should start worshipping cats again, but that would suggest we actually stopped.

In the unhelpful idea category, I suggest cleaning your ringpiece with an electric toothbrush.

All classic novels will be replaced with large text, picture book substitutes (starting with the Bible), while picture books will be replaced with novels that explore the religious, moral, ethical, philisophical, and technical implications of an "Ugly Duckling" or of "Clifford, The Big Red Dog."

Do comics count? As far as I know, there's actually a manga of the exciting adventures of Jesus Christ and pals. Also there are quite a few comics which tell us of the hardcore action and divine wrath as found in the Good Book. The Bible is full of war, violence, lust and smiting, so it's no wonder why that amazing collection of myths is still so popular. And no, Chick tracts don't count. Those vile little booklets suck balls, even though they're entertaining for all the wrong reasons.

Fly a Plane into the most symbolic building you can find and expect people to take you seriously

Oratory shall be brought back as an Olympic sport.

And the logistical difficulties in being obscenely rich would outweigh the benefits. Literally.

I think it would impact the middle class more

Obscenely rich people can hire others to transport their wealth

On all maps a small island should be inserted next to Jamaica, called "no, she wanted to".

Being rich means having to have an eccentricity.
We don't have enough weirdo millionaires out there.
Every million$ they have means one eccentricity. If said quirk isn't quirky enough to amuse a panel which includes Stephen Colbert, Jon Stewart and our own LG they forfeit the million$.
So Bill Gates has to come up with 50,000 quirky oddball mannerisms.

Being rich means having to have an eccentricity.
We don't have enough weirdo millionaires out there.
Every million$ they have means one eccentricity. If said quirk isn't quirky enough to amuse a panel which includes Stephen Colbert, Jon Stewart and our own LG they forfeit the million$.
So Bill Gates has to come up with 50,000 quirky oddball mannerisms.

And they owe me a lot of fuckin' money! :mad:

I'd like for American football to be played solely with your feet. None of this pussy carrying and passing. Kick that oblong thing around.

Just a minor technicality, sirrah, but it is called football because you play the game on foot. Much like how the folks across the pond call what Americans call Soccer. It's to stand in comparison to games that one plays while mounted on a horse.

And they owe me a lot of fuckin' money! :mad:

You know, that sounds like you provided sexual services to the rich and the mighty without getting properly paid for taking it like a man.

Just a minor technicality, sirrah, but it is called football because you play the game on foot. Much like how the folks across the pond call what Americans call Soccer. It's to stand in comparison to games that one plays while mounted on a horse.

On that note, Water Polo should be played on horseback, or change its name.

I'd like for American football to be played solely with your feet. None of this pussy carrying and passing. Kick that oblong thing around.

Better yet, use a baseball bat and make it a cross between football and baseball! LMAO

Or better STILL, how 'bout dribbling it (or should I say ATTEMPTING to dribble it) like a basketball! ROTFLMAO

Surprisingly, I endorse this.

LMAO at your sarcasm!

Bwahahahahahahahahahha! FINALLY SOMEONE ASKED! *whistles for his army of ebil gnomes who carry out a large steel box*

Uhhh just a second this shouldn't take long my card key is in my back pocket. :p

Yes I have had such ideas.

Reverse sports for example. Reverse dodgeball would involve throwing players at balls lined up on both sides of the court and in reverse baseball the pitchers hit bats with a baseball. :p

LMAO! (*is about to die from laughing*)

So in reverse soccer, the balls kick the players?

No, that's Soviet soccer you're thinking of!

I've seen a lot of "All people over the age of 16 should..." so I'll make one of my own:

All people over the age of 16 should be required to learn to speak LOLcat and/or 1337, and if they speak to anybody age 16 or under, it must be in LOLcat or 1337.

Violation of this rule shall result in the offender's name being legally changed to "t3h 3biL 5ux0rz".

Here's some more useless rules:

All flashlights shall be solar-powered.
All sunglasses must glow in the dark.
All anchors and dartboards must be inflatable.
All sponges and teabags shall be waterproof.
All matches and cigarettes shall be fireproof.
All battery chargers, whether for household batteries or for automotive batteries or otherwise, MUST be battery-powered.
All chainsaws must be hand-powered.
All wheelchairs shall be pedal-powered.
All helicopters must be equpped with ejection seats.

Here is an "idea" for all you puny humans on planet Houston:

KNEEL BEFORE ZOD!

Do comics count? As far as I know, there's actually a manga of the exciting adventures of Jesus Christ and pals. Also there are quite a few comics which tell us of the hardcore action and divine wrath as found in the Good Book. The Bible is full of war, violence, lust and smiting, so it's no wonder why that amazing collection of myths is still so popular. And no, Chick tracts don't count. Those vile little booklets suck balls, even though they're entertaining for all the wrong reasons.

No, comics (including manga, graphic novels, ect.) don't count. What I mean by picture books are those simple large, colorful childrens books. As a matter of fact, there will be a specialized priority to simplify Death Note, and formatted so that each tankoban (manga volume) is compressed into one page with one picture, and text restricted to 3 sentences max.
Meanwhile, each page of the story of the Ugly Duckling will be expanded to an essay that cannot be less than or equal to 1000 words.

The average citizen should be allowed to own one nuclear bomb each. *nods*

Every door shall quack when opened and tiptoeing shall be mandatory.

Better yet, use a baseball bat and make it a cross between football and baseball! LMAO

Or better STILL, how 'bout dribbling it (or should I say ATTEMPTING to dribble it) like a basketball! ROTFLMAO

Better still, combine all known sports into one game. We'll call it "Superball" -- even the parts played with a puck or shuttlecock.

I would suggest that we should start worshipping cats again, but that would suggest we actually stopped.

Is Katganistan the high priestess or the incarnation of the great deity?

I would suggest that we should start worshipping cats again, but that would suggest we actually stopped.
I already started the minute after I was born. :tongue:

Better still, combine all known sports into one game. We'll call it "Superball" -- even the parts played with a puck or shuttlecock.

Yes, but ALL equipment from those other games (e.g. baseball gloves, tennis rackets, etc.) must be used in this "Superball". LMAO

Everyone should have their own background music, and sound effects. Also, everyone should have some walk-on music like in baseball, so when someone enters the room or walk onto the scene the music plays. Reealy loud.

The British Government and Royal Family should be exiled to Somalia and in their place Jimmy Savile installed as absolute ruler.

Yes, but ALL equipment from those other games (e.g. baseball gloves, tennis rackets, etc.) must be used in this "Superball". LMAO

And it must last as long as a game of cricket.

Twins have to raised so one is bad and one is good. That way they can get away with stuff by saying, "It wasn't me, it was my evil twin!"

Triplets are to be always named Larry, Curly and Moe regardless of gender.


War movie soundtracks to be replaced with the Benny Hill yackkity-sax song.

Most unhelpful idea I can think of:
Porn movies, just before the money-shot, have to always show close-up of the sweating, grunting male performer contorting his face into a grimace that makes him look like he's just slammed his nuts in a car door.

Duels should be introduced as a legal way to settle arguments.
Unhelpfully, only marshmallow-foam bats are allowed to be used.
Either that or banjos.

http://www.wwnorton.com/catalog/fall95/031369.htm

101 un-useless inventions.

Either that or banjos.

Do NOT underestimate the sheer brutality of banjo duels. When two men or women in the prime of their life competitively play the banjo in order to defeat their opponent, you can expect some mean solos and wicked shredding. Believe me, there shall be blood before the last riff fades away.

Do NOT underestimate the sheer brutality of banjo duels. When two men or women in the prime of their life competitively play the banjo in order to defeat their opponent, you can expect some mean solos and wicked shredding. Believe me, there shall be blood before the last riff fades away.

Nonononono! They bash each other over the heads and tune the strings super tight so that they snap in the other person's face.

Duels should be settled in deadly game shows that are thought up by the same folks who think up Japanese game shows.

And it must last as long as a game of cricket.

How long DOES a game of cricket last?

How long DOES a game of cricket last?
In real terms, 5 days. To the people watching the dire spectacle a lifetime.

Nonononono! They bash each other over the heads and tune the strings super tight so that they snap in the other person's face.

That's not the proper way to handle a musical instrument, and you know it!

Do NOT underestimate the sheer brutality of banjo duels. When two men or women in the prime of their life competitively play the banjo in order to defeat their opponent, you can expect some mean solos and wicked shredding. Believe me, there shall be blood before the last riff fades away.

I play banjo. Those steel strings are wicked on a beginner's fingertips, and enough hammer-ons and slides will even hurt the most experienced.

Nonononono! They bash each other over the heads and tune the strings super tight so that they snap in the other person's face.

No, that'd be a mandolin duel.

Unhelpful idea: Anyone who wants tech support must learn the language on the country to which the company has outsourced their call center. If you can't speak Hindi, for example, you don't get help from your internet provider.

All smoke alarms will be built with an A.I. that will not detect smoke from harmless smokes (ex. cooking smoke), but will start random fires within the house in order to ensure the A.I is working properly.

Christmas trees cannot be sold; instead, all Christmas trees must be individually harvested.

The average citizen should be allowed to own one nuclear bomb each. *nods*

Only one?:(

All people who refuse to eat meat should be given a saw like situation where they muts kill, cook, and eat a cute little rabbit. Or if they do not they should be released into the wild and made to grace to look cows.

Only one?:(For you. three million.:tongue:

War movie soundtracks to be replaced with the Benny Hill yackkity-sax song.

You mean like this?

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nuMXBHEuTrs&feature=related

For you. three million.:tongue:

w00t!

But I only need five to take over the world. What would I do with the rest?

*begins plotting*

The Plutonian Empire
The average citizen should be allowed to own one nuclear bomb each. *nods*

Hurdegaryp
The guidance computers of nuclear missiles should come with a default navigational randomizer script, in order to keep the point of impact a surprise

I propose binding both ideas to create a synergistic unhelpful idea.

BTW I consider myself above average. I want 2 nuclear bombs.

Once a horror movie starts, the doors will lock. And there is a 50% chance that the doors will not reopen when it ends - instead, another horror film will start. This is repeated at the end of each successive film, creating the chance that a person may be stuck inside a theater for hours while an endless stream of horror flicks play on the screen.

all reality shows sould involve torture

all reality shows sould involve torture

They already do. ...wait, are we talking about the participants or the audience? :confused:

War movie soundtracks to be replaced with the Benny Hill yackkity-sax song.


You mean like this?

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nuMXBHEuTrs&feature=related

Or this:
http://uk.youtube.com/watch?v=CllDffZH6F0

Breakfast cereal should taste like pizza.

Breakfast cereal should taste like pizza.

That's unhelpful how?

That's unhelpful how?

ever eaten tomatoe sauce with milk? BLECH!

BTW I consider myself above average. I want 2 nuclear bombs.

Sorry, but that will not be possible. You are entitled to a bonus flamethrower, though.

Or this:
http://uk.youtube.com/watch?v=CllDffZH6F0

yikes. just...yikes.

yikes. just...yikes.

But it IS funny.

American football players shall wear spikes on their uniforms.

BloodBowl ripoff.

Everyone who has posted on this particular thread must be placed in a think tank.

Everyone who has posted on this particular thread must be placed in a think tank.

A think tank filled with water and "think sharks".

The Air Force should use bombing runs for advertising. Drop leaflets and bombs at the same time. Good moneymaker.

"The Bomb that just destroyed your house was sponsored by Dodgy Builder Co."

A think tank filled with water and "think sharks".

http://alan.batie.org/davinci96/06brain.jpg

:mp:Better yet each poster on this thread must be conscripted into a think tank battalion. Each member will become a member of the armor detail. :gas::mp:

Arnold Schwarzenegger should record himself singing popular songs and then sell those records on a disk called "Arnies kickass hits" :D On top of the accent murdering or "terminating" all the songs the advert would be smegging hilarious.

A moderator should alter the emoticon code so every smiley displayed :upyours:

Everyone who has posted on this particular thread must be placed in a think tank.

I thought that's what we were.

Stallone should make another Rambo movie in which the titular character realizes heleft his las pair of clean socks in nam and goes back to get them.

Stallone should make another Rambo movie in which the titular character realizes heleft his las pair of clean socks in nam and goes back to get them.
or where he runs for president with a hot alaskan survivalist chic for a runningmate

http://alan.batie.org/davinci96/06brain.jpg

:mp:Better yet each poster on this thread must be conscripted into a think tank battalion. Each member will become a member of the armor detail. :gas::mp:

hehe..thats a great picture :)