NationStates Jolt Archive

Now that's a bullshit argument to consider suicide for. :gundge:[/IMG]
Bullshit? Perhaps, but it's the fucking truth.:mad:

Bullshit? Perhaps, but it's the fucking truth.:mad:
Damn! A day has passed and you're still that bad?

Man, sorry to hear that! Honestly - what could I do to help you along?

Damn! A day has passed and you're still that bad?

Man, sorry to hear that! Honestly - what could I do to help you along?
I'm a little better....

Actually, my mother said that i'd see a therapist first, and then he would therapy me until he says i'm ready to enter the workforce, via a job training program for the deaf.

As to at least one of the reasons why i'm opposed to working, i've heard too many horror stories, (eg, 80 work-week below minimum wage, sweatshops, slavery, etc), plus, i admit, I'm like one of the spoiled rich brats ('xcept i'm not rich) that believe life should be all play/pleasure and no work.

I can never understand why people want to commit suicide. Why just give up and quit? Are you that weak willed and weak minded that you can't at least try to improve your life that you say fuck it and kill yourself?

I can never understand why people want to commit suicide. Why just give up and quit? Are you that weak willed and weak minded that you can't at least try to improve your life that you say fuck it and kill yourself?

There are those who understand and those who don't. To say a suicidal person is weak willed is like calling a retarded person dumb. Perhaps we are weak willed, but behind my hundreds of trophies, endless pictures of friends, and loving family...I feel nothing. Hiding it is what drove me over the edge a few years back.

I think I'm a fairly strong willed person. Try losing 14lbs in a week to make weight for wrestling. Needless to say holdingg yourself back from drinking water takes some amount of will power.

i think it's high time we all got over ourselves and started realising that shit happens and most of it happens to other people. i'm fucking depressed, i' about to fail university, i have no job prospects, at the end of june i will be homeless unless i can break into the job market and earn enough to live in this town, i'm paranoid enough that i am alienating my best friends, the love of my life is moving to another country with someone who isn't me, my most boring friends are doing things that i haven't got the guts to do (they've had longer to get bored out of their sculls, but still), i'm sitting alone in a filthy flat and i haven't got the energy to wash the dishes, my parents act like spoilt children arguing over their toys, my sister can't cope so i have to calm her down from tears every couple of weeks, my flamate left for a week without clearing away yesterday's leftovers. and guess what? i've had 5 pints and a bottle of wine and i feel like a hero! roll on tomorrow

Suicide...the ultimate taboo.
lol Just kidding, but don't get suicidal. I tried once and it didn't work out very well.

i think it's high time we all got over ourselves and started realising that shit happens and most of it happens to other people. i'm fucking depressed, i' about to fail university, i have no job prospects, at the end of june i will be homeless unless i can break into the job market and earn enough to live in this town, i'm paranoid enough that i am alienating my best friends, the love of my life is moving to another country with someone who isn't me, my most boring friends are doing things that i haven't got the guts to do (they've had longer to get bored out of their sculls, but still), i'm sitting alone in a filthy flat and i haven't got the energy to wash the dishes, my parents act like spoilt children arguing over their toys, my sister can't cope so i have to calm her down from tears every couple of weeks, my flamate left for a week without clearing away yesterday's leftovers. and guess what? i've had 5 pints and a bottle of wine and i feel like a hero! roll on tomorrow

oh, and i failed an exam today. one of my finals.


on the plus side i just burped at just the right pitch that my guitar strings vibrated. i claim momentary awesomeness for that.

You know, what's weird, I've now moved from thinking about straight out suicide to thinking about methods of suicide that don't seem like suicide, so that at least my family will think it was some kind of accident.

And, in the last few days, these thought have massively intensified. 2/3 of my conscious thought is about ways to kill myself by making it seem like an accident. So far I haven't come up with anything which, I suppose, is the reason I haven't tried anything.

The thought's there, at least, and it's kinda comforting; I really wouldn't mind ending it all and just being done with it. It would be nice.

You know, what's weird, I've now moved from thinking about straight out suicide to thinking about methods of suicide that don't seem like suicide, so that at least my family will think it was some kind of accident.

And, in the last few days, these thought have massively intensified. 2/3 of my conscious thought is about ways to kill myself by making it seem like an accident. So far I haven't come up with anything which, I suppose, is the reason I haven't tried anything.

The thought's there, at least, and it's kinda comforting; I really wouldn't mind ending it all and just being done with it. It would be nice.

please don't kill yourself, you're pretty cool :)

If I had an effective method of suicide that would be a publicity and quick, then I would probably do it.

If I had an effective method of suicide that would be a publicity and quick, then I would probably do it.

Being skull-fucked by a thousand and one Arabian knights would be fairly public and less painful than you might think.

I have never once contemplated suicide. I have been depressed (not clinically, i do know the difference), i've been sad, i've been angry, i've been scared, i've grieved, there has been abuse in my family, etc. Nothing has ever made me want to kill myself, not for a second. I don't for a minute though think that somehow makes me superior.

As to the religious topic, i am an Agnostic, and i am perfectly happy about that. It doesn't stop me from believing in things and it doesn't stop me from feeling awe or gratitude, it doesn't stop me from being a good person. I believed in God without a doubt for most of my life, i don't miss no longer being so sure.

I don't worry about death at all. When it's my time to go, it's my time to go. I don't feel that way because i don't value life though, it's because i value it more than anything. Worrying about dying will just stop me from living. That doesn't mean though i wouldn't want to be saved if it was possible, it doesn't mean i wouldn't fight to live if i could. It just means that when death becomes inevitable for me, i'll have to accept that.

As for feelings, i am often more subdued about things than people expect too, but it's not because i don't feel them. I am just very introverted and contemplative. Even around people i trust completely i don't always feel the need to talk. I like my own company a lot. I simply don't always outwardly express the depth of what i feel on the inside.

I won't be trite and say that things will get better, that you're never really alone, because even though i absolutely believe it, i know sometimes people can't see that. I don't know what it's like to feel that even getting through one day is torture, so i'm not going to try to make it okay with words that may seem really empty and hollow.

Being skull-fucked by a thousand and one Arabian knights would be fairly public and less painful than you might think.
I'm certainly open to the possibility of that. :p Wouldn't be a bad way to go.

Just got back from the psychiatrist today. had to promise him not to kill myself tonight. :mad:

That's crapulous. Covering his/her own arse.
Don't do it of course. But I will just say "please" instead of making you promise.

I've actually sought psychiatric help over several periods of my life, and had it imposed on me, but I've yet to meet a pychiatrist who seemed even as sane as me. Perhaps that's aversion or anti-transference or whatever the jargon is. I prefer to think they were all wankers.

Damn right i'm suicidal. With everything from being forced to work against my will to the selfish women of today.... *grumbles*

So, how close have people here been to suicide?

Pretty damn close. Two attempts at the age of nineteen, first by drinking a lab chemical that I still can't believe didn't kill me, then by attempting to gas myself. Both were risky but seemingly undertaken with resolve to die.
Both failed. Both attracted my father's attention. I was rather mortified when I realized that was what it was all about, there seemed something simulateously gay and childish about wanting my daddy's attention at the age of nineteen.
It alarmed me how poorly I knew my own mind. Ever since I've been very cautious about acting on my thoughts. If it's something irreversible, I try to sleep on it and think it over in a different mood.

A dear friend once said to me (as well as I remember) "the power of a dying person is hugely underestimated. They have no need to fear punishment"

This came back to me when I was very set apon suicide, a couple of years later. I decided to do something I would otherwise have been too afraid to do, before killing myself. I racked my brains and came up with "I shall hitch-hike to the tip of Cape York." Luckily I didn't come up with killing someone or some other atrocity.
Fully expecting to be miserable as hell, I packed a very simple bag and took a train to the outskirts of Sydney. I felt better already. In retrospect there was some malign influence where I was living.

Day after day, hitching when I could be bothered, lounging by riverbeds, walking in the forests and on the beaches, being given beer by strangers who liked the cut of my jib ... day after day it was "oh well, not today then. Kill myself tomorrow instead."

Well, in short I never made it quite to the tip of Cape York but I had the best two months of my life. The "Hobo" in my chosen name is a sort of tribute to those days. Fearless, day-by-day opportunism ... not my usual thing.

Well, there have been suicidal moments since, but these days it's far from being serious. Kind of a little mental loop, like when a song is stuck in your head. I harmonize with the thought, indulge it for a few minutes, but then I embroider and abstract it and make it into something funny or sweet. I know I could never have done that twenty years ago when it was bad.

Ohh, girl trouble. I had that too. Perhaps no-girl trouble is more accurate. Never really solved that one, but I can assure you that a lack of nookie is no reason to kill yourself.

My two cents.

Being skull-fucked by a thousand and one Arabian knights would be fairly public and less painful than you might think.

What?? I seem to have wandered into an "insanity is your friend" workshop?
All these posts! Did I just fall asleep for eight hours?

Hey topic creator, if you kill yourself can I have your NationStates account?

(Joking)

Then stop whining about it on a thread on a forum. I debated with myself whether or not to bother posting in this topic, because I know it'd cause offense. However, the levels of whinge and back patting ("it's okay to be depressed, I'm more depressed than you") crap has forced me to do so. There are more productive ways to overcome your problems. This is not one of them.

How to put this nicely...

Go screw yourself.

I could have made it more vulgar, but meh. I don't feel like getting banned any time soon.

It has just occurred to me that hours of staring at ugliness are not justified by the occasional ray of kindness or wisdom.
Not doing much for my spine either. Two day break.

:fluffle: to anyone who got even a smile from any of my posts.

I have read this thread through, I already posted. But I wanted to add a bit. I always thought I was an ugly kid, I was ashamed of myself, had terribly low self esteem and when I was very little wore glasses with a patch over one eye for a while after an operation. I was an only child, with much older parents, who owned a residential home for elderly people, when I went to school loads of the kids there thought I lived in a special 'home' and I got teased like you would not believe. My Mum got breast cancer when I was 4 and really after that she was depressed for almost the rest of her life. She was put on Valium (that's what they used to do) and she was cranky and not very communicative. I spoke with a lisp too, and man kids are asshole cruel. I even remember a teacher making fun of me. I was lonely and never really had what I wanted most in all the world, a good friend. I changed school when I was 9, and in the summer of that year I was raped by a family friend. My parents NEVER talked to me about after the police investigation etc was over. I was geeky, got bullied and though I did have a group of friends, was always the one people 'forgot' to get a Christmas card for, or 'forgot' to invite for a sleep over. I still feel pissed about that now, I wish I had more confidence in myself to say to them, hey I am actually here, look at me and take notice of my hurt.

I grew up a bit, changed school again at age 12 and it was scary, it was a huge school, and I spent the best part of a year convinced that someone would beat me up or hurt me. I got spat on, but it was a thing that people did, not especially personal to me. I got called names, and one guy in my class in particular called me a lesbian for the rest of my time in school. I would dearly like to meet him now and kick him real hard in the balls. I still never really had a really close or best friend, did OK at school as I loved to read. Suddenly at about 16, I got a boyfriend, he was OK, he and I kind of knew each other and we went out for almost 3 years. I then met a guy who swept me off my feet, made me more confident and then dumped me in a horrible way ( I found out he went around local pubs when drunk saying he had a girlfriend he didn't want, if anyone wanted my number) I felt worthless for a while. I then met my now ex husband, who was good looking and tall dark and was everything I thought was fantastic and could not believe my luck when he looked my way. I ended up being married to him, having three wonderful kids and finding out that he was a total asshole. He loved me, but he was jealous of his own kids, then jealous of anyone I knew, jealous of my job and basically even accused me of sleeping with my friends. I stuck it for a long time, much longer than I should have, but one day, on NS, I met someone. I talked to them, telegramme them and then we emailed and eventually talked on the phone. I got divorced, got a better job, got a mortgage and he came from Canada to live with me. I have had shit happen since, but I am happy and content, confident in my own skin, good at my job and have friends. I do have times of self doubt, do look in the mirror and sometimes hate what I see, do wish I was taller, shorter, thinner, fatter, had better ankles, smaller boobs, a smaller or bigger bum, (all depending on how I feel) He loves me, tells me I am beautiful, sometimes he gets so emotional about it he will cry, he sings to me, calls me to say he loves me, sweeps me up in his arms to dance with me in the supermarket, kisses me passionately whenever and wherever he feels the urge. I do get low, do have regrets about my past, but I am glad I am here, and like I said before, I now know I am a fucking wonderful human being, as are ALL of you. Even if you feel down, even if people tell you you are ugly, stupid, talentless, it's crap, nobody is. EVERYBODY has something about them, we all do, it's just finding it, finding the thing that you have, the thing about you that is what makes you YOU. Being funny, being rude, being sneaky, being quiet, loud, noticing things, not noticing things, eating crap, eating well, having nice hair, eyes, teeth, feet, being tall, short, fat, thin....whatever, there are people out there that like it, but first you must like yourself. Like that bit of you that makes you YOU.

Please don't end your life, please. It is a good life, if you want it to be. Prove people wrong, prove yourself wrong. Do whatever it is that makes you happier. If you need to talk to someone, then go to your Dr. and don't let them fob you off, explain how you feel. Tell your family if you can, tell us here in NSG if thats what you want to do, but don't end it. Life can get better, honestly it can.

I am a good person, a nice person, I have talents and attributes that make me shine, I like peple and I like myself. If people are assholes then I laugh at them, I am not afraid to look stupid anymore, not afraid of saying or doing the wrong thing, because I am not afraid. Don't let fear or your fear of fear hold you back. Life is not always easy, not always fun, sometimes it's really hard to get out of bed in the morning. But eventually, maybe not soon, but in the end, you will be gald that you did.

I would like to send a really big hug to everybody on NSG.

Suicide is only acceptable in like battle or if you dont want to go to a nursing home.

~snip~

What a great post, thank you. I'm so glad you've found some kind of happiness despite your earlier experiences. :fluffle:

snip

wow, thank you for sharing this. Change a few details here and there, and you could have told my story. I hope everybody here feels edified by reading it and takes it to heart. Things can get better, and nobody else can put you down if you don't let them.

:fluffle:

I have read this thread through, I already posted. But I wanted to add a bit.(...)

I would like to send a really big hug to everybody on NSG.
That makes me feel a little better about myself. Thank you!
wow, thank you for sharing this. Change a few details here and there, and you could have told my story. I hope everybody here feels edified by reading it and takes it to heart. Things can get better, and nobody else can put you down if you don't let them.
:fluffle:
It takes time and patience - but I am hopeful.

Just got back from the psychiatrist today. had to promise him not to kill myself tonight. :mad:

Damn right i'm suicidal. With everything from being forced to work against my will to the selfish women of today.... *grumbles*

So, how close have people here been to suicide?
I've almost attempted twice and attempted once. First time, I was eleven, was going to stab myself, but didn't have the guts. Second time, I was fifteen and ate a box of rat poison, but it didn't kill me. Third time was two months later after I found out I was pregnant and was going to jump out a window, but couldn't kill a baby.

I used to think about it a fair bit, it must be said, but thankfully I've got rather better over the last few months... maybe I'm just distracting myself more effectively.

I have read this thread through, I already posted. But I wanted to add a bit. I always thought I was an ugly kid, I was ashamed of myself, had terribly low self esteem and when I was very little wore glasses with a patch over one eye for a while after an operation. I was an only child, with much older parents, who owned a residential home for elderly people, when I went to school loads of the kids there thought I lived in a special 'home' and I got teased like you would not believe. My Mum got breast cancer when I was 4 and really after that she was depressed for almost the rest of her life. She was put on Valium (that's what they used to do) and she was cranky and not very communicative. I spoke with a lisp too, and man kids are asshole cruel. I even remember a teacher making fun of me. I was lonely and never really had what I wanted most in all the world, a good friend. I changed school when I was 9, and in the summer of that year I was raped by a family friend. My parents NEVER talked to me about after the police investigation etc was over. I was geeky, got bullied and though I did have a group of friends, was always the one people 'forgot' to get a Christmas card for, or 'forgot' to invite for a sleep over. I still feel pissed about that now, I wish I had more confidence in myself to say to them, hey I am actually here, look at me and take notice of my hurt.
Wow, I do not think I'd ever be able to recover from such a childhood. Good to see that you did though. :)

Thank you all too...

I was driving along earlier after visiting my Mums grave and was thinking about my post. I hope that it got across what I wanted to say. I think it did, and I am glad if you understood what I was saying. Life is sometimes harsh, really harsh, but it's LIFE. And life will find a way, in the end, when people are gone, they will never know the difference they have made to people. Let somebody know how you feel, and maybe you will find out what you mean to them right now, when you need it.

Just got back from the psychiatrist today. had to promise him not to kill myself tonight. :mad:

Damn right i'm suicidal. With everything from being forced to work against my will to the selfish women of today.... *grumbles*

So, how close have people here been to suicide?

Quite - due to a lasting depression. I was lucky and found a good psychanalyst, that has also a masters' in psychiatry. While I was doubtful about psychanalysis (he's a freudian) I felt reassured by his competence as a psychiatrist, and slowly allowed him to help me out of my depression.

Most of the people I know tell me that I look some years younger than I am now; before the therapy, I usually looked 5-6 years older. So I guess it has worked, I've never thought seriously about suicide anymore.

So, how close have people here been to suicide?

30 minutes and one phonecall, that's how close. :eek:

Still alive.