NationStates Jolt Archive

i like you, Bottle. you just cut through exactly what i was going to say, but in about 1/10th of the length and time i'd have taken to say it :p
Heh. :)

I tend to roll my eyes at anybody, teen or adult, who buys in to the Twoo Wuv myths. I tend to view "romantic" content as dull. I tend to have little patience for young idiots who are so damn sure that their current sweetheart is The One.

However.

I've yet to see any indication that these idiocies are unique to teenagers. I haven't seen anybody's 20th birthday magically cure them of their teenage stupidities. And I've seen plenty of "grown ups" make exactly the same stupid mistakes as the teens they look down on.

Nothing is accomplished by telling teens that they don't know their own minds, or that they don't know what's good for them. They won't listen, and you're probably wrong anyhow because most of them are smarter than they get credit for.

You mock me for suggesting they're ready not only for sex, but for a lifelong commitment, but I say we've done it for thousands of years, it's only very recently that's left being the norm. I'm the one with history on my side... you just have popular culture and psychyatry. I wonder who will win.
What you are overlooking is that for the overwhelming majority of history, a "lifelong commitment" meant less than 20 years, since life expectancy was 25-45 years.

Sure, we married girls off at 13...and most of them died in childbirth before they reached menopause. Sure, we expected young men to marry and settle down...but they could expect to wear out at least one or two wives before they themselves died, so it's not like they actually faced a life-long commitment to one woman.

Remember, also, that these marriages were basically no different than slavery. Females were chattel, without the means or the right to leave. This system works only when you make sure that the slave class (the females) don't have any alternative, because if they have an alternative they will often choose it.

If you want to invoke the "history" of marriage, remember that you are invoking centuries of institutionalized rape and abuse.

Yeah, cause everyone knows that once you get married it becomes magically physically impossible to spread or become infected by HIV, and HIV doesn't ever spread mother-to-fetus during pregnancy, or through unsanitary hospital conditons/dirty needles, or rape...

:rolleyes: :rolleyes:
I think some people would be surprised to know that the fastest-growing demographic of new HIV patients is married women who are monogamous with their husbands.

Marriage does not protect against unwanted pregnancy or disease. It's sad that this needs to be repeated, but this thread seems to indicate that it does bear repeating.

Why should you laugh or cry? Are you saying that a young person who has had a bad experience should not seek out a long-term serious partner any more? Or are you perhaps suggesting there is a time limit, a "mourning period" or something, during which time they should refrain from seeking better companionship?

I think s/he's laughing/crying at the notion that someone thinks they have a long term and serious partner when they have apparently been in the relationship only one year.

I think s/he's laughing/crying at the notion that someone thinks they have a long term and serious partner when they have apparently been in the relationship only one year.
"Serious" is purely subjective.

My current partner and I have been together for 5 years, so I think we get to call our relationship "serious" now...but what about last year? Or the year before? At what point did our relationship go from being "non-serious" to "serious"?

"Long-term" is equally vague. Some people consider a relationship "long term" if they've been together several years, while others only measure relationships on the scale of decades.

Furthermore, some people classify their relationships based on the POTENTIAL for the future. Is this person somebody who you think could be your lifemate? Or are they somebody who is fun and cool but probably not a life-long partner?

Teenagers are as capable of making these kind of subjective judgments as anybody else.

Read 1984 many years ago. Don't know for sure how it applies here except when they had sex in the woods and were monitored doing it. They didn't choose to be monitored, that's just how the government insured safety and loyalty for government employees. Of course, 22 years later they probably monitored everyone, not just government workers.

Evidently you don't remember it well... That book is about manipulation of the truth (do the words doublethink and newspeak ring any bell?).
Anyways my post was in reply to the theory of teens being more prone to being manipulated than adults.
Sorry if it was a little OT.

Maybe it's just because I'm 15, or maybe it's because I'm a pritty liberal person, but I really don't see what is so bad about two teenagers having protected consentual sex with one another. It's only natural for people to want to do that, I mean, it's what 500,000 years of biological evolution is telling us to do.

Any thoughts?

As long as the parties are prepared for WHATEVER the consequences are of their actions (sex in this case), then they may do as they please.

But part of the consequences are various societal reactions to the act.

How you react to how you think SOCIETY will react to the act tells you quite a lot about what you might think about as why it's "bad".

How would the boy's mother/father/sister/brother react if they walked into the room?

How would the girl's?

How would the boy react to getting the girl pregnant?

How would the girl?

How would the boy react if the girl eventually found another boy before the boy was "done with the relationship"?

The girl if the boy left?

What scenarios can you think of that would pose a "dilemma" for the parties involved? Consider those.

All these reactions are dependent on the prevailing culture and the specific people in question.

If any of the reactions to these possibilities are "not worth it", then that's the gauge on which to make decisions about acting in that way.

Evidently you don't remember it well... That book is about manipulation of the truth (do the words doublethink and newspeak ring any bell?).
Anyways my post was in reply to the theory of teens being more prone to being manipulated than adults.
Sorry if it was a little OT.

I remember those things and obviously they are a major part of govenment today. And obviously people are voting based on words not logic or actions. As a person with a MS in communications it blows me away what people allow leaders to get away with, and how words with broad abstract meanings can be passed off as specific ideas. We don't have "prisoners of war" because there is international law that governs them. Instead we have "enemy combatants" because those words don't exist in law anywhere so there are no restrictions on our actions with them.

But, the military still wants young people because they can be ordered by less subtle means. Even though all people are pack animals like wolves that follow a leader and make their group the most important, young people are even more so. Put a uniform on a young person, put them through mutual stress, and they will bond into a unit. This is less true of older people. Older people go to work, and may be proud of their company, but don't make that group their life. They usually have friends groups outside of the work group. Most young people get a group and tend to use it as both a work group (school) and a social group. This makes for a tighter loyalty to the leader of the group, and for an attitude of defending the group at all costs. This is why a good soldier starts out young and why older soldiers have a culture that is outside of the civilian norm.

they can deal with any problems that come up.

Was the pun intended?

That's basically it. And you can never really "understand" sex. Well, you can, on a scientific basis, but the experience is not something to be understood, just to be enjoyed. But it has to be learned, too. You need to know how to enjoy your own body, and learn what your partner likes... it's a wide field indeed :)

That sort of makes sense, but I'm still confused. I still don't understand how physical contact (like a hug) with anyone other than a family member can be enjoyable.

Print this off and put it in a safe place. Read it 10 years from now.
Good idea! I look forward to either looking back at one of the happiest times of my life, or getting all sentimental looking at the beginning of the wonderful relationship I'm lucky enough to still be in, and proud to have kept strong.

:)

I tend to roll my eyes at anybody, teen or adult, who buys in to the Twoo Wuv myths. I tend to view "romantic" content as dull. I tend to have little patience for young idiots who are so damn sure that their current sweetheart is The One.
I don't really believe in "The One".

I believe that we have a healthy relationship. (We talk openly, about pretty much everything, and we can both get very emotional but we never argue in the sense of mud-slinging. We treat each other as individuals, and we respect each other. We give each other space, and encourage activities and friendships outside the relationship. We talk about our relationship, and our views on it, and the future. We both care about each other too much to let our relationship damage other parts of our lives e.g. my education. We show appreciation and love for each other, and don't take things for granted. Any things that aren't so healthy - such as some guilt issues I have - we recognise and work at.)

I believe that we have a strong relationship (that has come through distance, an age gap, differences in lifestyle and experiences, both partners suffering from depression at certain times during the relationship, insecurities, differences in views and opinions - all experiences making us stronger as a couple.)

I believe that we are both willing to work at the relationship for it to last, because we both believe it to be worth it. (And we also try and stay aware of issues that could change the fact that it is worth it.)

I believe that we get on fantastically together, are wonderfully comfortable around each other, have fantastic fun together, support and care for each other, and generally make each other feel happy and loved. We are best friends as well as a couple.

I believe that all the qualities we value in a partner, we both meet. We don't idealise each other, or our relationship, but we do think highly of each other, and do believe our relationship is great for the both of us. We don't believe each other is "perfect" but perhaps "perfect for me"(realistically).

I believe that we bring out the best in each other - confidence, belief in ourselves, enjoyment of life, humour, excitement and passion, strength, intelligence, self-respect, being caring, positivity, hope.

I believe that we have a strong physical attraction and passion, and have similar views on sex and all related subjects (such as contraception, abortion, pregnancy, pornography, monogamy etc), and are sexually compatible (and have lots of fun!).

I believe that we do have a connection, partly due to the experiences we've shared together and our openness with each other, and also partly a "spark" (which has something to do with attraction, but also has something I can't quite explain which makes relationships with people "click").

I believe that all those things combined (plus other factors such as everyone I know, parents and friends, believeing this to be a good thing for us both - not a major factor, but is usually an indication) make this a good relationship, to say the least. Especially relative to other people my age (and most ages, actually) when I look around myself - I can't believe how some people bottle stuff up from a partner who is supposed to be their "soulmate", or how someone people can suddenly say they "hate" their partner after one argument despite being "madly in love with them", or how some people just don't seem to get any good out of the person and have the worst brought out in them....

So yeah. I don't believe in finding "The One" and living happily ever after.
I believe in a healthy strong relationship between two compatible loving people who bring out good in each other, and who are willing to work at it.





Heh, got kinda carried away there, and wrote a whole lot more than I meant to.

(I don't believe I'm superior to anyone else, or anyone elses relationship. I do believe that our relationship is a pretty damn good one, and I don't see how my age should negate that, or mean someone can dismiss it before knowing the first thing about it. )

Furthermore, some people classify their relationships based on the POTENTIAL for the future. Is this person somebody who you think could be your lifemate? Or are they somebody who is fun and cool but probably not a life-long partner?
This is the main basis for my use of the phrase "long-term" *nods*

Also, of course, I am thinking somewhat relatively, considering my age.
Seeing as I've probably not been mature enough or capable of anything close to a serious relationship for more than about a year, being together for about a year is quite significant.

I believe that we have a strong relationship (that has come through distance, an age gap, differences in lifestyle and experiences, both partners suffering from depression at certain times during the relationship, insecurities, differences in views and opinions - all experiences making us stronger as a couple.)


This line sends up red flags all over the place.

Age gap? 1 year or ten. A few years at 16 is a lot more than a few years at 25.

Depression--clinical or just upset? Clinical is a real problem.

Different lifestyles? Not a match.

Differences in views? Depends what the subject is. Something like religion is a biggie. Politics, depends on how far apart.

Gah. You sound like me a few years ago. When I was 14 I started dating this 19 year old. We just broke up this past March (I'm 18 now). We first had sex two days after my 16 birthday. I completely agree with Good Life... as I read that last post of yours all that was coming to mind was "Oh s***."

When you're young (and I realize I'm still very young myself), sex is like playing with fire. When you're older you understand more about people and the world in general. In my opinion- and experiance- the vast majority of teenagers are controlled by rather intense emotional feelings. I haven't read all eighteen-or-whatever pages of this post, so if you've already answered this, I'm sorry. But what are your reasons for wanting to have sex? If it is anything along the lines of "I want a deeper emotional connection with him/I want to express my love" etc then just don't. That's stupid and pointless. However, if your reasons are more along the lines of "It feels damn good", then at least you're thinking more with you head.

Also, I would like to second whoever said that most teenagers are too lazy/forgetful/ etc when it comes to contraceptives. You may say you will "always use contraceptives", whatever. But I can 99% guarentee you that in about four months or less, you will not "always use contraceptives". Life happens. People run out of condoms, and forget to get more. Best idea is to go on the pill if your parents will let you.

Really in a way this whole topic here is pointless, because, being exactly in your situation (and thinking I was smart enough and mature enough to know the world) a few years ago, I know that you'll be reading this and in your head you'll think "I'm not like that. We're not like that. We are mature enough and clever enough to handle this." So yeah.

Age gap? 1 year or ten. A few years at 16 is a lot more than a few years at 25.

5 years. however, what's important is how mature we are - she is far more mature than most people i know, yet alone for her age. and i'm pretty immature, so we meet in the middle pretty well :p

Depression--clinical or just upset? Clinical is a real problem.

clinical, for both of us. i'm on medication and she's been through psychotherapy. you don't need to tell us/me that clinical depression is a real problem... we know full well. it also makes elements of having a relationship very difficult, yet we've stuck together and been there for each other. that is in part why we are great for each other, and that we can give each other happiness in our lives, and bring confidence to each other. we do truly bring out the best in each other :)

Different lifestyles? Not a match.

people from different lifestyles can't have a relationship together? we can't work at the differences in our lives and become stronger from dealing with whatever problems they may throw up? we can't be there for each other when we need one another because we're - according to you - 'not a match'?

i disagree.

Differences in views? Depends what the subject is. Something like religion is a biggie. Politics, depends on how far apart.

we have some different views, but for the most part we agree on most of the important stuff, but have enough differences in opinion to not be clones of each other and have some fun discussions ;)



i'm 21 and i haven't been in a relationship before now. but i have been privvy to many friends'... and i would certainly say we are a good match. its a long distance relationship as well, and its difficult at times, but we are a great match, we are great for each other and bring so much to each others' lives, so we stick at it, work at it, and as such have grown together, learned together, and will both continue to work at what we have as we believe we have something special.

who are you to tell us otherwise, especially based on nothing more than her age?
edit: why should we be defending our relationship on here anyway? does it really matter to us what you have to say? if we have any lessons to learn (the 'hard way' perhaps) then we will learn them in time, and face the concequences of our decisions to stay together. however until then we'll continue to be there for each other, make each other happy, love each other and work at our relationship to the best of our ability :)

You are in a long distance relationship? Like how long? How often do you see each other? If the dude here is 20, and this is a long distance relationship, then once he gets a taste of sex he'll pretty much be addicted (don't even try and tell me that's not true Pure Metal). Everytime you guys see each other sex will be involved, and that is NOT GOOD.

You are in a long distance relationship? Like how long? How often do you see each other? If the dude here is 20, and this is a long distance relationship, then once he gets a taste of sex he'll pretty much be addicted (don't even try and tell me that's not true Pure Metal). Everytime you guys see each other sex will be involved, and that is NOT GOOD.

70 miles. we see each other twice a week or so, and certainly aren't involved in sexual encounters every time. often, yes, as we both enjoy it. but its certainly not every time (hell we were together last night and didn't do anything remotely sexual. and we waited a number of months before doing anything either)


honestly, why am i defending something that is good for the both of us from people who know nothing about us based on their experience, not ours?

Because people are all basically the same, as you can see from the large amounts of people who think this is not that great of an idea.

You said she's your first girlfriend. If you're 21, why are you with a 15 year old? Is it because she's the only person who could handle your immaturity (your words, not mine), or is there some other reason why you are not dating someone your own age? A logical reason, not a "Because I like her" reason.

And neither one of you guys said why you want to have sex.

Also, sex between a minor and an adult is illegal and defined as rape. There is a reason for that.

Because people are all basically the same, as you can see from the large amounts of people who think this is not that great of an idea.

You said she's your first girlfriend. If you're 21, why are you with a 15 year old? Is it because she's the only person who could handle your immaturity (your words, not mine), or is there some other reason why you are not dating someone your own age? A logical reason, not a "Because I like her" reason.

And neither one of you guys said why you want to have sex.

Also, sex between a minor and an adult is illegal and defined as rape. There is a reason for that.

first off, she's 16. and we waited till after she was 16 to have sexual relations. the age of consent in this country is 16. she is also on contraceptive pills, and we use other protection as well.

secondly, what business is it of yours why she is my first girlfriend? there are many people who do not have relationships of this sort until my age or older. i simply never met anyone quite like her before in my life - nobody has ever interested me like she does, been so good for me as a person, 'clicked' or been such a great friend for me.


there are also a larger number of people who do think we have a good relationship - many of them on this forum. we met here, we became friends on here, and came to know each other well before meeting on here and online. there are many here who have observed the whole process and will attribute that we are indeed rather good together, and good for each other. i don't need to answer the presumptuous questions of some noob over the private details of a relationship i hold dear and don't care what your - or, frankly - anyone else's opions are on the matter. there is absolutely no point to this 'discussion' whatsoever, bar to bring a modicum of fear and doubt to an otherwise healthy, happy relationship that has lasted almost a year, despite difficult conditions, and i see no reason for you to continue this inquiry. do you really expext us to turn round and say "(s)he says they had a bit of a shit relationsip a few years back with an older partner... oh my god! what are we doing here?! we must break up immediately!" :rolleyes: what exactly do you hope to achieve from this, other than to apply pointless 'relationship rules' and your own bad experience to two people and their relationship, none of which you know anything whatsoever about.


i also refute that people are all the same...
i will no longer check this thread as the posts of some people here have frankly sickened me

If you are citicizing people for replying here, you should first criticize your girlfriend for starting this post and asking people's opinion.

21 and 16-----

You're almost a third older than her. 5 years is a lot more difference the younger people are. Why don't you wait until she's 21 and you're 26---that's only 20% older. And she will be out of High School and into the real world. That's a big difference.

And clinical depression---How do you know it's love and not dependence? Just another drug that relieves you for a while. A real man gets himself in order first.

You're correct, You don't need to listen to those who have been there and made mistakes. On the other hand, we have been there and made mistakes. Those who don't learn from history are bound to repeat it.

You don't need to listen to those who have been there and made mistakes.
But you do need to accept that there are just as many happy stories of 'history' to go with your warnings. There is a 8 and a half year age gap between my parents; they met when my mother was 17, and married shortly after her 19th birthday, when my Dad was 28. There was a similar age gap between both of my grandparents.

I think we'd better let the two of them work out their own relationship, not worry about the bad mistakes that you have made in yours. Say 'be careful', by all means, but not 'you're doomed to failure because I was'.

But you do need to accept that there are just as many happy stories of 'history' to go with your warnings. There is a 8 and a half year age gap between my parents; they met when my mother was 17, and married shortly after her 19th birthday, when my Dad was 28. There was a similar age gap between both of my grandparents.

I think we'd better let the two of them work out their own relationship, not worry about the bad mistakes that you have made in yours. Say 'be careful', by all means, but not 'you're doomed to failure because I was'.

I wasn't doomed to failure. There's a large gap between my wife and myself and we've been married 24 years. BUT when we were married I had a master's degree and she had a BS. We both had been in the world a while. The age thing still causes some tension after all of these years. I can't imagine having dated her at 16. GROSS Not something a man would do.

I wasn't doomed to failure. There's a large gap between my wife and myself and we've been married 24 years. BUT when we were married I had a master's degree and she had a BS. We both had been in the world a while. The age thing still causes some tension after all of these years. I can't imagine having dated her at 16. GROSS Not something a man would do.

You seem to be awfully certain of 'what a man would do'. Are you somehow questioning PMs gender?

Personally, it sounds like you have more of a problem with your relationship than with their's. The age gap is causing tensions, hmm? I think you should see someone about that. I hear that some people who have been married for 24 years have been known to divorce.

And that Master's Degree? Not something a man would do.

But you do need to accept that there are just as many happy stories of 'history' to go with your warnings. There is a 8 and a half year age gap between my parents; they met when my mother was 17, and married shortly after her 19th birthday, when my Dad was 28. There was a similar age gap between both of my grandparents.

I think we'd better let the two of them work out their own relationship, not worry about the bad mistakes that you have made in yours. Say 'be careful', by all means, but not 'you're doomed to failure because I was'.

my parents met when my mum was 18 and my dad was 21. they married 4 years later and are still together. glitz's parents have a similar story.

maybe the question these two should be asking themselves is why their relationships seemed to have turned sour? not all relationships are doomed to failure, and if they stopped generalising about age for a minute or two and took us for the individuals we are (but know nothing about), then maybe they could admit we have a future. and even if we don't, we'll find out for ourselves and don't need to be judged by people who's opinions i have no reason to respect, or who's experiences seem to lean towards them having problems in their relationships, similar circumstances or no.

i could ask Lilyality about why their relationship failed. i bet it was something to do with the individuals involved and not simply because of age differences or being young. even if it were due to the latter, its not hard to grasp that not all people of a certain age are the same, or are as mature as each other wrt/ relationships.

Personally, it sounds like you have more of a problem with your relationship than with their's. The age gap is causing tensions, hmm? I think you should see someone about that. I hear that some people who have been married for 24 years have been known to divorce.

good point. my friends' parents divorced after about 24 years of marriage. marriage must therefore be a total mistake... don't do it, people!! :rolleyes:

And that Master's Degree? Not something a man would do.

real men work down the coal mine ;)

Nothing. So long as all involved know what's going on (i.e. nobody's drunk or otherwise incapacitated, etc.), it's legal (age of consent, consent given, no money changing hands, etc.), and it's as safe as it can be made (birth control/condoms, et al.).

Sure, you can go on and add things like "nobody's lying to anyone" or "nobody's faking love to get laid", but discerning intent is all part of the human experience, and judgment has to develop along with everything else. If parents have done right by their kids, they'll have a better idea about when they're ready and a healthy attitude toward sex in general. Now, while I finish gut-laughing at that idea versus reality, please enjoy this smiley:

:D

Thank you.

I used to think that there was nothing wrong with it at all, just another learning experience. I suppose if I were to dig for problems with teen sex, the biggest one I could come up with would be the emotional development issue. There's the whole mistaking-sex-for-love thing only to result in heartbreak the moment one of you decides the other is boring or not satisfying enough. A lot of teenagers tend to be fairly melodramatic on the issue -I know I was- and that can be unhealthy.

I read in a brochure that I recently got in the mail: It's like giving pieces of your heart away. By the time someone truly deserving of your love comes around, you are unable to give them your complete self because you've already given so much of yourself to others. Not the exact words, but I think there is a valid point there.

That sort of makes sense, but I'm still confused. I still don't understand how physical contact (like a hug) with anyone other than a family member can be enjoyable.

Again, there's nothing to understand here. This isn't about thinking about an action, it's simply following feelings.
Do you enjoy listening to music? This question is a bit like a rock music fan wondering how people can enjoy opera... unless he tries listening to it himself and keeps an open mind without prejudice, he will never be able to share their beautiful experience.

I used to think that there was nothing wrong with it at all, just another learning experience. I suppose if I were to dig for problems with teen sex, the biggest one I could come up with would be the emotional development issue. There's the whole mistaking-sex-for-love thing only to result in heartbreak the moment one of you decides the other is boring or not satisfying enough. A lot of teenagers tend to be fairly melodramatic on the issue -I know I was- and that can be unhealthy.

I read in a brochure that I recently got in the mail: It's like giving pieces of your heart away. By the time someone truly deserving of your love comes around, you are unable to give them your complete self because you've already given so much of yourself to others. Not the exact words, but I think there is a valid point there.

I can't really give an opinion here, as I never dated nor had sex as a teenager. However, I've been through a relationship (admittedly a very unorthodox one) in the past 3 years, and it ended badly. Very badly, actually.
A few weeks ago, I found a new love... and it doesn't feel like I had given my heart away or am unable to give him my whole heart. My heart has grown with the experience, it has more scars but also more understanding and more love to give now than it did before.

Oh, and :fluffle: :fluffle: :fluffle:

I can't really give an opinion here, as I never dated nor had sex as a teenager. However, I've been through a relationship (admittedly a very unorthodox one) in the past 3 years, and it ended badly. Very badly, actually.
A few weeks ago, I found a new love... and it doesn't feel like I had given my heart away or am unable to give him my whole heart. My heart has grown with the experience, it has more scars but also more understanding and more love to give now than it did before.

Oh, and :fluffle: :fluffle: :fluffle:

:fluffle: :fluffle: :fluffle: :fluffle: to you too! I am about to leave work soon, but I'm glad to see you before I have to leave!

On topic: Do you think those scars have helped or made it a little harder?

I think that I may be a little less trusting, a little more skeptic, but still capable of loving. The biggest setback I have is that I am nowhere near as affectionate as I used to be. Of course I probably went out with a lot more people than the average person my age and I picked a lot of bad eggs. My self-esteem was pretty low to begin with and it didn't get much better until recently. That's just me though. It doesn't necessarily have to be that way.

:fluffle: :fluffle: :fluffle: :fluffle: to you too! I am about to leave work soon, but I'm glad to see you before I have to leave!

On topic: Do you think those scars have helped or made it a little harder?

I think that I may be a little less trusting, a little more skeptic, but still capable of loving. The biggest setback I have is that I am nowhere near as affectionate as I used to be. Of course I probably went out with a lot more people than the average person my age and I picked a lot of bad eggs. My self-esteem was pretty low to begin with and it didn't get much better until recently. That's just me though. It doesn't necessarily have to be that way.

They helped. It didn't grow any harder, on the contrary, I started to trust myself more, I know my limits a bit better, and because of that I find it easier to trust others now.
And, well, you know him, if he wasn't a bad egg, who is? ;)

Again, there's nothing to understand here. This isn't about thinking about an action, it's simply following feelings.
Do you enjoy listening to music? This question is a bit like a rock music fan wondering how people can enjoy opera... unless he tries listening to it himself and keeps an open mind without prejudice, he will never be able to share their beautiful experience.

I'm still trying to understand that it can't be understood. So it's just a feeling thing, not a thinking thing? Feelings are confusing.

I'm still trying to understand that it can't be understood. So it's just a feeling thing, not a thinking thing? Feelings are confusing.

They are, and they always will be. :fluffle:
It's not a thinking thing at all. It's all about feeling good and making someone else feel good... it's best if both can tune out their brains entirely (not in a "let's forget aobut contraceptives" way, but just giving yourself up completely and without thought or reservation, just being there in the moment and enjoying every single second)

Because extramarital sex is forbidden in Scripture.


People say that, and I assume you're referring to Christian scripture, but where exactly does it say that? What passage explicitly states that?

They are, and they always will be. :fluffle:
It's not a thinking thing at all. It's all about feeling good and making someone else feel good... it's best if both can tune out their brains entirely (not in a "let's forget aobut contraceptives" way, but just giving yourself up completely and without thought or reservation, just being there in the moment and enjoying every single second)

So I guess I just have to get used to feelings being confusing and not making sense to me, then.

So I guess I just have to get used to feelings being confusing and not making sense to me, then.

Once you get used to situations, they gain a little familiarity, and start making sense. Anyhow, I don't think that's the point in what I've read of this conversation. Just take things slow and go with whatever feels right to you. Once you become more comfortable with a person, you will naturally feel more affection for them.

Once you get used to situations, they gain a little familiarity, and start making sense. Anyhow, I don't think that's the point in what I've read of this conversation. Just take things slow and go with whatever feels right to you. Once you become more comfortable with a person, you will naturally feel more affection for them.

That makes sense, I guess. Of course, none of this is a real issue yet. No one has thought about me in a non-platonic way anyway, at least as far as I know, so it doesn't really matter yet that it doesn't make sense to me.

Thank you, that's comforting.

That makes sense, I guess. Of course, none of this is a real issue yet. No one has thought about me in a non-platonic way anyway, at least as far as I know, so it doesn't really matter yet that it doesn't make sense to me.

Thank you, that's comforting.

I'm glad.

If I recall rightly, you're still quite young, so non-plantonic stuff is probably still a while away. As you say, nothing to worry about at the moment. :)

I'm glad.

If I recall rightly, you're still quite young, so non-plantonic stuff is probably still a while away. As you say, nothing to worry about at the moment. :)

Yes, I'm 16, so I really don't have to worry about it now. I just keep trying to make of sense of it, and I really don't want to have an emotional breakdown if it ever does become an issue.

Yes, I'm 16, so I really don't have to worry about it now. I just keep trying to make of sense of it, and I really don't want to have an emotional breakdown if it ever does become an issue.

If you can find the right person, it shouldn't be an issue. If anyone trys to pressure you into so much as a hug, they don't deserve you. You'll know when you've found someone you can be comfortable with and who won't push you around. Good luck. :)

If you can find the right person, it shouldn't be an issue. If anyone trys to pressure you into so much as a hug, they don't deserve you. You'll know when you've found someone you can be comfortable with and who won't push you around. Good luck. :)

Thanks. That sounds like good advice.:)

Yes, I'm 16, so I really don't have to worry about it now. I just keep trying to make of sense of it, and I really don't want to have an emotional breakdown if it ever does become an issue.

Well, when it does happen, it will be quite a load of emotions to cope with, that's a given. You can't avoid it, really. Bu don't worry about unlaid eggs, I'm sure you'll be well able to cope with the situation when it arises.

Well, when it does happen, it will be quite a load of emotions to cope with, that's a given. You can't avoid it, really. Bu don't worry about unlaid eggs, I'm sure you'll be well able to cope with the situation when it arises.

Emotions are kind of scary. I guess I could avoid it by just staying away from people, but that might not be good. I guess I'm just going to try not to worry about it now.

Emotions are kind of scary. I guess I could avoid it by just staying away from people, but that might not be good. I guess I'm just going to try not to worry about it now.

I remember feeling much the same way... I wouldn't advise avoiding people just to avoid getting hurt. Just go about life as usual, don't limit yourself out of fear.

I remember feeling much the same way... I wouldn't advise avoiding people just to avoid getting hurt. Just go about life as usual, don't limit yourself out of fear.

All right. I've been getting better at being around people. Now I don't get nauseous from being around other people anymore. I'm happy about that.