NationStates Jolt Archive

My post was awesome, everyone go read it at the bottom of page 15.

I replied to it in fact, calling the practice of opening beverages with one's left hand perverse.

And to call us intolerant while we mock the intolerant? That's just plain obtuse.
The only way to combat intolerance is to be extremely nice to intolerant people, and to go out of your way to avoid hurting their feelings.

Her :D

And thanks!

I, as a natural-born lefty who has chosen to follow the evil path, have decided to commit suicide and make this world a better place.
Hah! I knew it! Well done, milady (sorry for the gender assumption)!

I applaud you wholeheartedly.

*applauds*

Uh oh, UT. Some dude with a 400+ post count seems to think we're not funny.

My mighty heart is breaking. :(
:eek: Gasp! oh noes!

http://www.beefyness.com/images/ohnoescat.jpg

Uh...if you're right handed, you DO open a bottle with your left hand. You hold it in your right hand (the hand with which you'll be drinking from the bottle) and twist off the cap with the left...assuming a twist-off, that is.

I know this because...my God, I can't believe I'm saying this in front of all of you...I...I'm...

...I'm left handed. A...and I twist off bottle caps with my right hand while I hold the bottle im my left.

My my, such perverted thoughts you have about "opening" me.

Her :D

And thanks!

I, as a natural-born lefty who has chosen to follow the evil path, have decided to commit suicide and make this world a better place.

Well now, hold on a minute...If you're female...

Usually parodies should end when someone says. "Hey!, I'm not liking it, I'm offended", see?
Which is why nobody ever parodies racists, Nazis, religious fundamentalists, or any of the other up-tight self-righteous wankers who so richly deserve to be parodied.

This is also why John Stewart has been out of work for a decade.

My my, such perverted thoughts you have about "opening" me.
*Adopts Jeremy Irons' voice as Uncle Scar*
You have no idea. ;)

Well now, hold on a minute...If you're female...

WHAT?

Gender cannot be an issue, thus, me as female just means that I am a future breed-spawner of further abominations.

This is also why John Stewart has been out of work for a decade.
doesnt he still to the daily show?

Her :D

And thanks!

I, as a natural-born lefty who has chosen to follow the evil path, have decided to commit suicide and make this world a better place.


NOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!! :eek:

Lefty here, too. ;)

*Adopts Jeremy Irons' voice as Uncle Scar*
You have no idea. ;)
Goddammit, now you Lefty bastards are making me spit my soda all over the damn screen...

:D

Left handed marriage is the greatest threat imaginable to our hallowed custom of marriage between two right handed people. Never mind the high divorce rate.

doesnt he still to the daily show?
This thread is causing a dangerous level of forehead slapping. My face is starting to hurt.

:eek: Gasp! oh noes!

http://www.beefyness.com/images/ohnoescat.jpg

http://www.orlyowl.com/ohnoes.jpg

doesnt he still to the daily show?

http://www.orlyowl.com/nomessage.jpg

WHAT?

Gender cannot be an issue, thus, me as female just means that I am a future breed-spawner of further abominations.

As long as you're not getting married and just having your left-handed love in porn movies, it's okay, because then it's hot.

Goddammit, now you Lefty bastards are making me spit my soda all over the damn screen...

:D
My pleasure! Left-handed-high-five'n-white-guy high-fives all 'round! Woohoo!

*Raises hand*

I did. The whole point is to underline how silly it is to deny equal rights based on some random, supposedly "sinful" trait. I once started a thread that cited Bible passages to defend why people who eat shellfish should be prohibited from marrying.


Did you succeed?

A Jew-bashing thread wouldn't work because some people really are Nazis. The reason I chose left-handedness was because the idea of banning left-handed marriage is so utterly absurd; it also provides a good comparison between 'homosexuality is a choice' and 'left-handedness is a choice'.

I agree that some people have taken it too far though, this was meant to be parody rather than just bashing.

Could everyone please refrain from comments such as 'lefties should be executed' and post in the spirit in which this thread was intended. Thanks.

EDIT:
An example of humour (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=11166198&postcount=212)

An example of an insult (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=11166116&postcount=195)
I thank you for using my post as the "humour" example. You are far too kind.

i myself toyed with being left handed when i was younger.
i found i can still do somethings with my left hand. i still do a certain thing with my left hand, only because it's because it's a sin and i wouldn't want my right hand to be a part of it.

I thank you for using my post as the "humour" example. You are far too kind.

The edit was the best bit, great stuff.

*offers cookie*

What's fear and/or hatred towards left-handed people called?

Leftophobia?

What's fear and/or hatred towards left-handed people called?

Leftophobia?
I don't like that word! I'm not scared of Lefties, I just think they're filthy deviants! And I don't hate them, I just hate that they choose to be filthy deviants! Why are you Leftie-lovers always trying to smear the moral, pure, upstanding right-handers who stand up against your agenda?!

What's fear and/or hatred towards left-handed people called?

Leftophobia?
It's called being a good christian. Doesn't the bible quote "Thou shalt not suffer a left-hander to live"?

You know its international left handers day comin up on august 13?

Oh and also

Left-Handed U.S. Presidents
James A. Garfield (1831-1881) 20th
Herbert Hoover (1874-1964) 31st
Harry S. Truman (1884-1972) 33rd
Gerald Ford (1913- ) 38th
Ronald Reagan (1911 - ) 40th
George H.W. Bush (1924- ) 41st
Bill Clinton (1946- ) 42nd

Left-Handed U.S. Presidents
James A. Garfield (1831-1881) 20th
Herbert Hoover (1874-1964) 31st
Harry S. Truman (1884-1972) 33rd
Gerald Ford (1913- ) 38th
Ronald Reagan (1911 - ) 40th
George H.W. Bush (1924- ) 41st
Bill Clinton (1946- ) 42nd
I always knew that the Clenis was a south-paw, and that dirty perv Garfield, but REAGAN?!

Not the Gipper, dear Lord, please NOT THE GIPPER!!!!

It's called being a good christian. Doesn't the bible quote "Thou shalt not suffer a left-hander to live"?
Ehud was left handed (seriously) so was joan of ark (seriously again)

Ehud was left handed (seriously) so was joan of ark (seriously again)
(Seriously, I didn't know that about Ehud.) I did with Joan of Ark. I say it was a good idea that she was burned. She probably was just hearing voices. I never believed that "God talks to me" schtick.

I always knew that the Clenis was a south-paw, and that dirty perv Garfield, but REAGAN?!

Not the Gipper, dear Lord, please NOT THE GIPPER!!!!
OMFG noooo!!!! so was Douglas Adams

No say it is not so!

I don't like that word! I'm not scared of Lefties, I just think they're filthy deviants! And I don't hate them, I just hate that they choose to be filthy deviants! Why are you Leftie-lovers always trying to smear the moral, pure, upstanding right-handers who stand up against your agenda?!
An agenda that's meant to be held in the right hand and written in from the left? What a wonderful idea!

Oh, and just so you know, Miss "Rightier than thou", I'm right-handed myself. I just happen to have lots of left-handed friends, and they're all decent people. They just want to be left alone with their left hand, is that too much to ask?

Oh, you and your ilk are always so full of it. There's nothing wrong with being a leftie. And pu-lease, don't even get me started on your irrationnal fear lefties will try to convert you. I've know them for years, and none of them ever tried to make me give up using my right hand.

What... THE FUCK??? Ohhhhh my gawd.....

Of all the things to get mad about and be disgusted at in this world.... this guy is against people who are left-handed??? What kind of fucking bullshit is this?!? :eek:

What... THE FUCK??? Ohhhhh my gawd.....

Of all the things to get mad about and be disgusted at in this world.... this guy is against people who are left-handed??? What kind of fucking bullshit is this?!? :eek:
This kind of "bullshit" is called satire ...

A Jew-bashing thread wouldn't work because some people really are Nazis. The reason I chose left-handedness was because the idea of banning left-handed marriage is so utterly absurd; it also provides a good comparison between 'homosexuality is a choice' and 'left-handedness is a choice'.

Actually, I don't think the analogy works. Being left-handed probably isn't a choice, but we know that being Jewish is a choice. It's a religion, not a race. I could convert and become a Jew.

I routinely criticise people for choosing religion at all, so that would, necessarily, mean that I'm criticising Jews for being Jewish, as they're a subset of people who choose religion.

What... THE FUCK??? Ohhhhh my gawd.....

Of all the things to get mad about and be disgusted at in this world.... this guy is against people who are left-handed??? What kind of fucking bullshit is this?!? :eek:
You REALLY need to learn to read between the lines.

Actually, I don't think the analogy works. Being left-handed probably isn't a choice, but we know that being Jewish is a choice. It's a religion, not a race. I could convert and become a Jew.

I routinely criticise people for choosing religion at all, so that would, necessarily, mean that I'm criticising Jews for being Jewish, as they're a subset of people who choose religion.
This thread isn't about comparing being left-handed with being Jewish: it's about comparing left-handedness and homosexuality.

You REALLY need to learn to read between the lines.

Well in that case....!!!!

FORGET WHAT I SAID! :D

Methinks some people need to download the sarcasm-detector mark VII. ;)

An agenda that's meant to be held in the right hand and written in from the left? What a wonderful idea!

Oh, and just so you know, Miss "Rightier than thou", I'm right-handed myself. I just happen to have lots of left-handed friends, and they're all decent people. They just want to be left alone with their left hand, is that too much to ask?

Sure, they say that now. They'll say anything to get in our good graces, but they're just waiting for their chance. The moment you let your guard down, POW!! Left hand right to your kisser.


Oh, you and your ilk are always so full of it. There's nothing wrong with being a leftie. And pu-lease, don't even get me started on your irrationnal fear lefties will try to convert you. I've know them for years, and none of them ever tried to make me give up using my right hand.
You are just a lefty-apologist, without the guts to stand up to them. I know it's not PC for me to speak the truth on this subject, but I'm not going to let that stop me. People like me are always attacked because, deep down, everybody knows we are right and they are wrong. They know they're perverted and sick, and they're scared of anybody who stands up to them!

Really, I'm like Martin Luther King, standing up against oppression. The forces of tolerance are all trying to silence me, but I will overcome!

[Out of character: if you think it's utterly and completely insane for homophobes to compare their anti-gay campaigns to the Civil Rights movement, you're right. But that hasn't stopped them from doing so.
http://haloscan.com/tb/atrios/115004196397965657
"On a Focus on the Family radio show, James Dobson and the White House press secretary, Tony Snow, positioned the campaign to deny gay civil rights as the moral equivalent of L.B.J.'s campaign to extend civil rights."
http://thinkprogress.org/2006/06/05/snow-gay-civil-rights/]

Really, I'm like Martin Luther King, standing up against oppression. The forces of tolerance are all trying to silence me, but I will overcome!

[Out of character: if you think it's utterly and completely insane for homophobes to compare their anti-gay campaigns to the Civil Rights movement, you're right. But that hasn't stopped them from doing so.
http://haloscan.com/tb/atrios/115004196397965657
"On a Focus on the Family radio show, James Dobson and the White House press secretary, Tony Snow, positioned the campaign to deny gay civil rights as the moral equivalent of L.B.J.'s campaign to extend civil rights."
http://thinkprogress.org/2006/06/05/snow-gay-civil-rights/]
Well, spoony. And you guys tolerate that sort of nutty moron saying things like that? If the anti-gay campaign can be compared to something, that's certainly all the backwards bigots who were AGAINST blacks voting and using the same bathrooms as whites.

That guy really, really needs to be hit with a shovel in the face. Repeatedly.

This thread isn't about comparing being left-handed with being Jewish: it's about comparing left-handedness and homosexuality.

But the post I quoted was about comparing being left-handed and being Jewish.

But the post I quoted was about comparing being left-handed and being Jewish.
No, it explained why the OPer didn't use Jewish/Gay simile, and instead used Left-handed/Gay simile, specifically because there are lots of people (NeoNazi) that would take it too seriously, whereas nobody really gives a damn about someone's being left-handed.

But the point you raised works as well: one can choose his religion, so the simile would have been even more innapropriate.

Right, so I'm back. Down with lefties and all that. Am I still allowed or is satirical lefty-bashing now a crime?

[Out of character: if you think it's utterly and completely insane for homophobes to compare their anti-gay campaigns to the Civil Rights movement, you're right. But that hasn't stopped them from doing so.
http://haloscan.com/tb/atrios/115004196397965657
"On a Focus on the Family radio show, James Dobson and the White House press secretary, Tony Snow, positioned the campaign to deny gay civil rights as the moral equivalent of L.B.J.'s campaign to extend civil rights."
http://thinkprogress.org/2006/06/05/snow-gay-civil-rights/]

Fundies are good at drawing stupid comparisons. A month or two ago when a judge ruled against Kent Hovind for building his 'Dinosaur Museum' illegally he compared it to Romans throwing Christians to the lions.

Right, so I'm back. Down with lefties and all that. Am I still allowed or is satirical lefty-bashing now a crime?

As long as you use high inspired satyrical phrases and not outward, hurled gross insults, it's ok

But the post I quoted was about comparing being left-handed and being Jewish.

Oh my god.

This whole thread is about comparing homophobia with being against left-handedness.

The post you referred to was an explanation for why left-handedness was chosen as the subject of the thread and not say, being jewish. Because some people actually are anti-Jewish, so it's not quite as absurd and more people might take it seriously.

The whole point of this thread is to demonstrate the absurdity of homophobia by saying something that would be universally (or close to universally) thought to be absurd.

Fundies are good at drawing stupid comparisons. A month or two ago when a judge ruled against Kent Hovind for building his 'Dinosaur Museum' illegally he compared it to Romans throwing Christians to the lions.
Were either of the lions or the romans left-handed/left-pawed?

Or gay?

Or both? Like a gay, left-pawed lion abomination?

Trying to offend some random group?

I'm a lefty, yes. And heavenly proud of it.

And I think, even if this is a joke, that this thread should be closed.

Or, we could try to make a thread using the same text as this one, but switching the "left handed" parts, for black/jew/catholic/americans or whatever, to see how many people find it funny.

With the rise in gun crimes and the almost complete absence of assaults carried out by bows-and-arrows or hurled spears I think you'll find that trying to defend yourself by becoming extremely good at missing points to be an outdated technique.

*streaks through thread*

Fundies are good at drawing stupid comparisons. A month or two ago when a judge ruled against Kent Hovind for building his 'Dinosaur Museum' illegally he compared it to Romans throwing Christians to the lions.
These comparisons are perfectly appropriate! Can't you blind fool see how right-handed people are the ones REALLY being oppressed? We only represent the majority of the population, control all three branches of government, dominate all branches of the media, and control the majority of major corporations! Meanwhile, the left-handed minority is oppressing the hell out of us!

Were either of the lions or the romans left-handed/left-pawed?

Or gay?

Or both? Like a gay, left-pawed lion abomination?

Well, clearly lions are lefties of the political persuasion. Afterall, didn't they demonstrate a belief in the seperation of church and state by refusing to carry out a capital punishment for a religion-based law?

With the rise in gun crimes and the almost complete absence of assaults carried out by bows-and-arrows or hurled spears I think you'll find that trying to defend yourself by becoming extremely good at missing points to be an outdated technique.


I think you're as outdated as killing people with bows or spears

I think you're as outdated as killing people with bows or spears
Oh yeah? So's yer mom!

With the rise in gun crimes and the almost complete absence of assaults carried out by bows-and-arrows or hurled spears I think you'll find that trying to defend yourself by becoming extremely good at missing points to be an outdated technique.

*stolen*

Right, so I'm back. Down with lefties and all that. Am I still allowed or is satirical lefty-bashing now a crime?

I found these two posts to demonstrate what is funny and what isn't.

An example of humour (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=11166198&postcount=212)

An example of an insult (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=11166116&postcount=195)

I think you're as outdated as killing people with bows or spears

What about cross bows?

Yeah!, she is, dead people tend to be.

So creative, your phrase.

As long as you use high inspired satyrical phrases and not outward, hurled gross insults, it's ok
And no dirty left-handed tricks, obviously. :D

These comparisons are perfectly appropriate! Can't you blind fool see how right-handed people are the ones REALLY being oppressed? We only represent the majority of the population, control all three branches of government, dominate all branches of the media, and control the majority of major corporations! Meanwhile, the left-handed minority is oppressing the hell out of us!

Not to mention the new apartheid imposed by the lefto-fascists. Right-handed children aren't regarded as 'good enough' to use leftie scissors.

*shakes fist at the sky in anger*

As long as you use high inspired satyrical phrases and not outward, hurled gross insults, it's ok

So instead of,"all left-handers must die", I could go,"Left-handers are obviously not natural genetic defects as they have had to create left handed scissors and TV remotes and such instead of picking them off trees like the normal right handers do."

Well, clearly lions are lefties of the political persuasion. Afterall, didn't they demonstrate a belief in the seperation of church and state by refusing to carry out a capital punishment for a religion-based law?
They did? When did that happen?

And since when are lions religious? :eek: Do they have lion fundies who gay-bash and leftie-bash as well?

Were either of the lions or the romans left-handed/left-pawed?

Or gay?

Or both? Like a gay, left-pawed lion abomination?

Not as far as I know, but lions are suspected of being godless pinko-liberal commie abortionists.

[URL="http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=11166198&postcount=212"]An example of humour

Who uses their hands to open a beer? The eye socket is the way to go!

So instead of,"all left-handers must die", I could go,"Left-handers are obviously not natural genetic defects as they have had to create left handed scissors and TV remotes and such instead of picking them off trees like the normal right handers do."

No, you did understood, please do not join the huge amount of creativity Bottle displayed.

So instead of,"all left-handers must die", I could go,"Left-handers are obviously not natural genetic defects as they have had to create left handed scissors and TV remotes and such instead of picking them off trees like the normal right handers do."
Exactly.

God Hates Lefties! The US is being punished for condoning left-handed behavior. I'm glad the troops are dying for such sins. </Alternate Universe Phelps>

And since when are lions religious? :eek: Do they have lion fundies who gay-bash and leftie-bash as well?
We don't know, now do we? I don't speak lionese so I can't comminucate. But I'm betting they do.

Not as far as I know, but lions are suspected of being godless pinko-liberal commie abortionists.
You know what the funny thing is?


Lions are Skaladora's national animals :D

God Hates Lefties! The US is being punished for condoning left-handed behavior. I'm glad the troops are dying for such sins. </Alternate Universe Phelps>

Although God does hate lefties (go back a few pages, it was proven...satirically of course), the troops do not die because of their left-handedness, its because all the rifles are for right-handers, as they should be.

So instead of,"all left-handers must die", I could go,"Left-handers are obviously not natural genetic defects as they have had to create left handed scissors and TV remotes and such instead of picking them off trees like the normal right handers do."
You could say that, but you would be wrong. The reason we know that left-handedness is not genetic is because if you beat a sinful lefty child hard enough he will start using his right hand. Since it is possible to force Lefties to do things the Right way, obviously it cannot be anything other than a choice on their part.

You know what the funny thing is?


Lions are Skaladora's national animals :D

They're everywhere!!! :eek:

*hides under table*

They're everywhere!!! :eek:

*hides under table*
*Pets his adorable lion*



*with his LEFT HAND! BWAHAHAHAHA :D *

There's no real difference between lefties and righties!

We all use our left hand for well...

...yeah you know...

...That.

You know, the polishing?

Either way, I believe that was what a survey done by a girl in our school came up with: doesn't matter if you're lefty or rightie, you polish your lance with your left.

So really, why can't we all just... get along?


On another note, I have very bad news for all your right handers.

We (yes, I am a lefty) left handers think with our right brain.

You, however, have LEFT THOUGHTS! you think with your LEFT brain.

There's no real difference between lefties and righties!

We all use our left hand for well...

...yeah you know...

...That.

You know, the polishing?

Either way, I believe that was what a survey done by a girl in our school came up with: doesn't matter if you're lefty or rightie, you polish your lance with your left.

So really, why can't we all just... get along?
You are aware, of course, that a certain percentage of the population does not have Little Soldiers, right? Now, I grant you, these not-men creatures aren't really that important when it comes to making real decisions or structuring our culture, but they tend to nag and whine if we don't give them attention from time to time.

So really, why can't we all just... get along?

No, gotta wait till this thread reaches 11 pages, then the fun is over.

*Pets his adorable lion*



*with his LEFT HAND! BWAHAHAHAHA :D *

http://i7.photobucket.com/albums/y300/unitfox/oh_noes.jpg

No, gotta wait till this thread reaches 11 pages, then the fun is over.

Nice one!

22 on my computer, although :D

There's no real difference between lefties and righties!

We all use our left hand for well...

...yeah you know...

...That.

You know, the polishing?

Either way, I believe that was what a survey done by a girl in our school came up with: doesn't matter if you're lefty or rightie, you polish your lance with your left.

So really, why can't we all just... get along?


On another note, I have very bad news for all your right handers.

We (yes, I am a lefty) left handers think with our right brain.

You, however, have LEFT THOUGHTS! you think with your LEFT brain.
Actually, I'm right-handed, and used to polish my lance with only my right hand.

I had the occasion of exploring a little into left-handed polishing those last few years, though. But that doesn't make me left-handed... just... left-curious.

Well I for one am quite sickened by you lot picking on left-handers.

It's left footers who are the real threat.

You are aware, of course, that a certain percentage of the population does not have Little Soldiers, right? Now, I grant you, these not-men creatures aren't really that important when it comes to making real decisions or structuring our culture, but they tend to nag and whine if we don't give them attention from time to time.
Damn those unmanly, left-handed "things"! Damn them to hell, and all their left-handed perversions with them!

Well I for one am quite sickened by you lot picking on left-handers.

It's left footers who are the real threat.
Left-footers? Certainly such a thing is not possible. It's so unnatural.

You are aware, of course, that a certain percentage of the population does not have Little Soldiers, right? Now, I grant you, these not-men creatures aren't really that important when it comes to making real decisions or structuring our culture, but they tend to nag and whine if we don't give them attention from time to time.

Little soldiers? Are you implying I like the military? *gasp* No lefty would ever like the military!

But yes, I do know that. I was just pointing out that at least the male specimen could get along.

And who really cares if a woman is a rightie or leftie? If she's hawt, I'll go for her ;)

No, gotta wait till this thread reaches 11 pages, then the fun is over.

Does this have anything to do with the number of fingers on both of your hands? If so, I commend you for your inclusive nature.

Actually, I'm right-handed, and used to polish my lance with only my right hand.

I had the occasion of exploring a little into left-handed polishing those last few years, though. But that doesn't make me left-handed... just... left-curious.

To be honest, I use a little bit of both. I'm right-curious myself.

These comparisons are perfectly appropriate! Can't you blind fool see how right-handed people are the ones REALLY being oppressed? We only represent the majority of the population, control all three branches of government, dominate all branches of the media, and control the majority of major corporations! Meanwhile, the left-handed minority is oppressing the hell out of us!
You know, what with all this oppression and corruption (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=11165661&postcount=107) it's really a miracle us right-handed people get through the day. I guess it's just a sign of our obvious superiority.

You know, what with all this oppression and corruption (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=11165661&postcount=107) it's really a miracle us right-handed people get through the day. I guess it's just a sign of our obvious superiority.
Moral superiority, you mean.

Ah man...this thread is good. But it's retards who don't get it, or Bottle's comment about gay people still being able to have children, who make it priceless.

I haven't laughed so much at an NS thread in a long time.

:D

Ah man...this thread is good. But it's retards who don't get it, or Bottle's comment about gay people still being able to have children, who make it priceless.

I haven't laughed so much at an NS thread in a long time.

:D
Yeah, I have to admit that, for me, the highlight of this thread has been having not one, not two, but THREE people leap to insist that homosexuals are incapable of biological procreation. Gotta love when people fail to grasp the fundamental mechanisms of human reproduction.

Burn em!

As far as I'm concerned the gay marriage debate is over because homosexuals are cool. I just want to know who this turkey is, impersonating the Spirit of the Revolution, the Hokus Blokus, the Lad Himself, that Itch You Just Can't Reach; Refused Party Program.

You know, what with all this oppression and corruption (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=11165661&postcount=107) it's really a miracle us right-handed people get through the day. I guess it's just a sign of our obvious superiority.
That's what I'm saying. It's not that we HATE left-handed people, it's just that we are BETTER than them and deserve preferential treatment.

Why can't they just meet us half way? We're allowing them to remain alive and use the same water fountains as real human beings, so why are they complaining? I heard that over in Iran they will kill people for being left-handed, so Lefties in America should be thankful that we're so nice to them.

Please help me. I'm a leftie and need to be saved from my doom!
Mean people didn't show me the right path when I was still an innocent child and so I didn't know left handed things are evil.

No I need courage to go through this and convert

That's what I'm saying. It's not that we HATE left-handed people, it's just that we are BETTER than them and deserve preferential treatment.

Why can't they just meet us half way? We're allowing them to remain alive and use the same water fountains as real human beings, so why are they complaining? I heard that over in Iran they will kill people for being left-handed, so Lefties in America should be thankful that we're so nice to them.
Of course we don't hate them. We LOVE them, and that's why we want them to see how wrong and sickening and unnatural their lives are, and change!

I mean, I have friends who are left-handed, so obviously I'm tolerant of them even considering their "alternative lifestyle". And those left-handers who moved in down the street, I went and said hello, like a good neighbour. Of course, I went to shake hands, and the guy stretched his left hand out... Why do they always have to flaunt themselves, parading their left-hand ways in front of us? Why can't they adapt for us so that we don't have to feel uncomfortable? What if I'd taken my children to say hello with me?? I mean, it was obviously an attempt to trick me and make me use my left hand. What if my children had fallen to temptation? *shudders* It just doesn't bear thinking about...

What if my children had fallen to temptation? *shudders* It just doesn't bear thinking about...

And that's why children should be thought in schools about dangers of left-handism

Well, you know they are saving their right hand for wanking. That's the deal. And no doubt they will teach their children to do this too. I sure wouldn't want any lefties teaching my kids at school....perverts.

Personally, I am shocked and disgusted that this thread was even posted. Left handedness was considered a sin in the very first millenia. I would have thought that in a thousand years, we could have moved beyond silly and supersticious persecutions. At one time, we also believed the world was flat, didn't we? Also that the sky was a big piece of fabric, and that women didn't actually have brains? So, why are you still hung up on this as if you were an english farmer BC?
This shows that you (the original poster) and whatever religion you belong to are sadly lacking in kindness, tolerance and intellegence in the extremest way. Get. A. Life. You are not the only person in the world. If I were to say that being right handed was a choice, you'd get mad at me, wouldn't you? It all has to do with the way your brain is wired.
In deepest and most heartfelt disgust,
A right handed person.

My father attended a Catholic school, in England, in the earlyish 50's. Perhpas his school was not typical, I have no way of knowing... but they actually broke his hand - simply because he was using his left hand to write.

Barbaric, no? And - in 20th century England, too - not some mystical maybe-time back in the past.

They broke his hand because 'the Devil controls your left hand', and they had a WHOLE load of scripture to back it up, and their punishment. Indeed - just breaking it was a mercy when you consider they COULD use the 'if you hand offends you, cut it off' type arguments.

As a consequence, my father was a left-handed man, forced to learn to write with his right hand... it gave him an unusual manner of writing, to say the least - like he was using the wrong hand, I guess.

But - read through the thread - and try to work out what is going on here. I think you are missing something. In a way, 'left-handedness' is oh-so-appropriate for the 'hidden agenda' in the thread.

My my, such perverted thoughts you have about "opening" me.

My eyes! My eyes!

Let's be honest with ourselves here: being left handed is a choice. If you think you're left handed by nature then obviously you're only fooling yourself. Personally I find left handed people disgusting, as does my religion. It makes me sick to see those lefties parading their perversity in public and peddling their revolting 'left handed scissors' to our children. They want our children to grow up thinking that it's acceptable, or even natural, to be left handed. In reality, their abnormality is nothing a good beating wouldn't fix.

There is a proven correlation between crime rates and left handedness.
http://www.anythingleft-handed.co.uk/images/shop_large.jpg
Here is a left handed shop is London. The crime rate, including shooting and violent crimes, has been rising in London recently. Coincidence? I think not.

In conclusion, left handedness is an abomination and we shouldn't condone it by allowing lefties to marry. Who's with me?

You know who else pisses me off? People with long fingernails. I mean, get over yourself. It's not cute, it's not attractive, and it's downright dangerous! Do you know how many innocent kittens are blinded every year by people with long fingernails!?

Let's herd all of the left-handed, long fingernailed people into CAMPS and force them to make glass eyes for all those poor, innocent kitten victims.

Trying to offend some random group?

I'm a lefty, yes. And heavenly proud of it.

And I think, even if this is a joke, that this thread should be closed.

Or, we could try to make a thread using the same text as this one, but switching the "left handed" parts, for black/jew/catholic/americans or whatever, to see how many people find it funny.


Left the sense of humor at home, did we? No pun intended.

As far as I'm concerned the gay marriage debate is over because homosexuals are cool. I just want to know who this turkey is, impersonating the Spirit of the Revolution, the Hokus Blokus, the Lad Himself, that Itch You Just Can't Reach; Refused Party Program.

Possibley Jim Pooley

I am ambidextrious(sp), do I have the right to marry? considering I am only an abomination half of the time.

I am ambidextrious(sp), do I have the right to marry? considering I am only an abomination half of the time.

that means you can get married and gay married.

I saw we nuke 'em all. it's the answer to everything.

um....your'e merely kidding right?

well...this isn't very funny in my opinion..........

Nape the lefties! Arghe spurble purt urgle lorp schmuuuuuuurrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr!

Fluffymasterchief']um....your'e merely kidding right?

well...this isn't very funny in my opinion..........


what? are you tryign to say that w are leftyphobes? far from it... I ain't scared of lefthanders. I just dont like the idea of them marrying because they are immoral and unnatural, but if legalized it will make my kids think that there is nothign wrong with being left handed and they might try it out themselves. I don't want God sending my children to hell because the lefthanders are corrupting our nation.

Fluffymasterchief']um....your'e merely kidding right?

well...this isn't very funny in my opinion..........

One more for the list...

I think left handed people should be shown the light of the zombie prophet. Personally I find the left-hand lifestyle a very disgusting abomination and against the 11 commandments. If my brother was lefthanded I would disown him.

I have many lefthanded friends and they totally understand my point of view.

Gurble gurble puzz uhhhhrrrrrrrrrrr!

*spittle flies across the room!*

Left handed people scare me. I mean, think about it: If you're shaking their hand, they can still stab you in the back! For this reason, we should definitely outlaw any rights that we have mistakenly granted to these people. The Bible clearly states that the damned will be sitting on God's left hand. Outlaw southpaw marriage! Don't promote that lifestyle!

Choosing to be left handed in fencing has given me a 1 hit in 5 advantage over the inferior and convention bound righties. I refuse to give up this advantage just because some people think that it is evil, it is allowed in the rules, and I will fence left handed.

Choosing to be left handed in fencing has given me a 1 hit in 5 advantage over the inferior and convention bound righties. I refuse to give up this advantage just because some people think that it is evil, it is allowed in the rules, and I will fence left handed.

I don't want a left handed person as my childrens fencing-instructor. It's wrong and disgusting! Children are too young to be exposed to such filth. And what if the teacher can't control him/herself and shakes hands with them?

But at least the homosexuals don't expect their own scissors!!! Those damn lefties think they're too good for our scissors so they make their own.

Ban this sick filth!
I am left-handed, but I use rightie scissors. In fact, I do many things right-handed. I feel it gives me an edge because I have developed the muscles in my nondominant hand more than most right-handed folks do. Surprisingly I am not a member of the buffalo club, although I would definitely have an advantage in it. But anyway, supposing hand-dominance is genetic, it is the right-handed folks who ought to be banned from breeding, since the left-handed ones end up with more skills applicable to both hands.

You know, Its funny because I was thinking of making a similar thread last night.

Two great minds without a single thought

I am left-handed, but I use rightie scissors. In fact, I do many things right-handed. I feel it gives me an edge because I have developed the muscles in my nondominant hand more than most right-handed folks do. Surprisingly I am not a member of the buffalo club, although I would definitely have an advantage in it. But anyway, supposing hand-dominance is genetic, it is the right-handed folks who ought to be banned from breeding, since the left-handed ones end up with more skills applicable to both hands.

For second there I thought that maybe the light of God had touched you and you were converting from your sinful ways. But then you hurt me by proposing the banning of the true, the right way to the upward heavenly body.

*Psst, guys we need to slow down, nearly at 11 pages, funs almost over...

-Sorry, Saige Dragon-

Well, anyway, it is nifty that this came up, because there was a show on left-handedness and its determinants on the CBC the other day! This is a link (http://www.cbc.ca/quirks/archives/05-06/jun10.html) to the show's website, which includes a copy of the show if you want to have a listen. Timely, eh?

Oh my god.

This whole thread is about comparing homophobia with being against left-handedness.

The post you referred to was an explanation for why left-handedness was chosen as the subject of the thread and not say, being jewish. Because some people actually are anti-Jewish, so it's not quite as absurd and more people might take it seriously.

And I pointed out that left-handedness was actually a better analogy to homosexuality than being Jewish, anyway.

Obvioously a spoof on Gay marrige?:p
Left-handed peple are superior! Look at few of the left-handed people in history, plus they have an advantage in fencing.

For the record I'm right-handed.

Whoa. What? Two gay parents can produce a straight child? I must have missed that part in biology class. A female partner in a lesbian relationship can become fertilised, but that involves a third person (someone had to provide the sperm, because her partner sure as hell can't). But two gay people cannot produce a child without the involvement (assistance) of a third party

Before the Gay Pride Movement was every thought of, two gay people (one male, one female) often did marry and produce children to maintain their public image while keeping their gay lovers firmly in the closet. I know of one family that had 3 children in the early 60's and came out after their kids were grown, got an friendly divorce and moved in with their lifelong "best friends". The country club was scandalized of course, but they maintained their charade for over 20 years...

I had a very nice lefthanded can opener in college. My housemates would complain, "Dude! Your can opener's broken!"
I would reply, "No it's not." Zip zip zip. Can open. Slack jaw look of amazement on housemate's face. I'm still not sure who of them ever figured it out ;)

So cruel, right-handed people's inferior neurology inhibit their capacity for spatial reasoning to figure out what is going on..... You need to treat the inferior righties with kid-gloves to make them understand... They did not understand that you were operating it in an opposite manner than what is normal for them.