NationStates Jolt Archive

dunno... were we successful?
I do that on every thread,
IN GOOD MEASURE, so how can anyone really tell, except for the entire pages lacking anecdotes ....

Don't make me choose!

Woe is you?

Don't make me choose!
Word.

Don't make me choose!
You must. The existence of the universe depends on this decision...and you have 5 seconds, nope...4...3...2...

Sarkkakannakakakajajaallalalalalalalalalalalala is a smart boy :)

I feel spamming is not my job tonight, I shall return tommorow, when this thread is either in Spam, or these evils are gone. Make a new topic then :D
Funnily enough, i suspect it has something to do with your sharing of a personal experience or two. *nods*
That was the idea :)

That's it? Oh, that reminds me of someone I hated not long ago because she had my best friend confused, not by any effort of hers, that she was perfect. I can't hate her anymore. She simply reminds me too much of what I would have been....
I work at tech support for a healthcare provider. one day one of the techies... a real egotistical Bitch that loved to shove her problem calls on others, slamed her hands on her desk and shouted "I can't do my job while answering the phones" everyone fell silent and the manager, who was walking by calmly replied "answering the phones IS your job." Morale never soared higher after that day. :D

Well, at least I got something from the experience. :D Anyway, it was 23 years ago, so it's a lot easier to find the humor in it now.
That's a most excellent way to look at it. *bows*
At this point in my life, i actually get a kick out of telling people about the funny sh*t that happens, even if it would normally be embarassaing.

I do that on every thread,
IN GOOD MEASURE, so how can anyone really tell, except for the entire pages lacking anecdotes ....
But... but I'm trying... See
*points to my last post.*

sheesh...that took way too long. Come on people. FUN STORIES! I KNOW YOU HAVE THEM!

okay, back to Texoma Land's post, relating to night nurses. I have several as I grew up in and am constantly around ER's and hospitals...

First story. So I'm maybe 10, and in the nurses break room. They're talking about what have you that nurses talk about during their breaks, and they start saying "maybe we should't talk about this around the little one". They, of course, decide they should. So my ears perk up, and I start to actually listen. They were discussing how they would occasionally steal patients pills and take them, and were actually discussing which ones were the most fun to take when they worked the night shifts. I think the general concensus was that the codine based meds were the best. This worries me, but not nearly as much as the next story.

So I was picking my friends mom up from the hospital she works at, and we're waiting at the monitoring station, where all those heart monitors register. We're talking to the nurse on duty, just relaxing, when I hear a beeping. This, of course, worries me. Usually, hearing a beep from a wall of heart monitors is a BAD thing. So we keep talking, as the nurse seems unimpressed by it. Then the same screen that is beeping starts to flash. I tell him. His response? "Oh, thats just Mr. whateverhisnamewas. He wouldn't take his meds earlier. This'll teach the old bastard".

Is anyone else now concerned about how you will be taken care of in a hospital?

Woe is you?

Woe is me. Or is it "woe is I"? Or possibly "I is woe"?

You must. The existence of the universe depends on this decision...and you have 5 seconds, nope...4...3...2...

My answer is a definite maybe.

Speaking of Mary Poppins...we did a Mary Poppins version of the Lord of the Flies. It was interesting...the dead parachutist turned out to be Mary Poppins badly atomically burned, and she used her mutated umbrella, which is now a parachute, to carry the boys off to safety. Yeah...back to your spamming now, children.
No no STAY with the anecdote!!!! It would appear we have the OP anecdoters and the new-wave anecdoters. Perhaps there'll be fusion. You did mention a burn!

sheesh...that took way too long. Come on people. FUN STORIES! I KNOW YOU HAVE THEM!

okay, back to Texoma Land's post, relating to night nurses. I have several as I grew up in and am constantly around ER's and hospitals...

First story. So I'm maybe 10, and in the nurses break room. They're talking about what have you that nurses talk about during their breaks, and they start saying "maybe we should't talk about this around the little one". They, of course, decide they should. So my ears perk up, and I start to actually listen. They were discussing how they would occasionally steal patients pills and take them, and were actually discussing which ones were the most fun to take when they worked the night shifts. I think the general concensus was that the codine based meds were the best. This worries me, but not nearly as much as the next story.

So I was picking my friends mom up from the hospital she works at, and we're waiting at the monitoring station, where all those heart monitors register. We're talking to the nurse on duty, just relaxing, when I hear a beeping. This, of course, worries me. Usually, hearing a beep from a wall of heart monitors is a BAD thing. So we keep talking, as the nurse seems unimpressed by it. Then the same screen that is beeping starts to flash. I tell him. His response? "Oh, thats just Mr. whateverhisnamewas. He wouldn't take his meds earlier. This'll teach the old bastard".

Is anyone else now concerned about how you will be taken care of in a hospital?Oh yes... as a rule, If I have the ability, I would tell the ambulance driver NOT to drive me to the Hospital I work at.

I get these kind of calls almost every day..

"Hi, I'm trying to sign in and the computer says 'Password has expired, new password missing.' so what do I do?"

Woe is me. Or is it "woe is I"? Or possibly "I is woe"?
its "Woe be you"

.....
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.....
.....
.....
.....
.....
.....
.....
EEEEWWWWWW!
Score! Broadside!

Word.

*scoffs*

Wigger-like words.

Score! Broadside!
:confused: why would you score a broad's side?

That's a most excellent way to look at it. *bows*
At this point in my life, i actually get a kick out of telling people about the funny sh*t that happens, even if it would normally be embarassaing.

Thanks. :)

Yep. Same here. The older I get, the less embarassed I find myself about things. 10-15 years ago I wouldn't even tell my closest friend about that stuff. Now it's not so much an issue. In another 15 years, you probably won't be able to shut me up. Good thing I didn't have kids. They'd be mortified. :p

you people have been busy...sorry I was missing for so long. Lemme find the last anecdote and see what I can do...
Thankie thankie. Man this is a rowdy friggin' bunch! :D

BTW, we should get someone to rate this thread. I've never had any luck w/it.

Also - i'm not a thread ghost anymore - i summoned a golem for the effort. It may dry and crack through all the hot air here, again turning me loose, but we'll see.

Oh yes... as a rule, If I have the ability, I would tell the ambulance driver NOT to drive me to the Hospital I work at.

I get these kind of calls almost every day..

"Hi, I'm trying to sign in and the computer says 'Password has expired, new password missing.' so what do I do?"
hospitals are notorious for amusement if you know the people who work there.

my parents favorite story: my birth.

so first I was almost born 5 months premie.

Then, when I was actually being born (at 3:30 AM, just to be a bastard), my dad was driving my mom to the hospital. First, I was almost born under a streetlight because my dad insisted on stopping at the red light. Then, we get to the hospital, and my dad is friends with the OB on shift. Go figure. So the doc is eating a bowl of cereal, leaning on my mothers knee, catching up with my dad and such. My mom finally screams "WOULD SOMEONE CATCH THE FUCKING BABY?!". Thus was my birth. I was also born blue because the umbilical cord was wrapped around my neck.

*scoffs*

Wigger-like words.
http://www.orlyowl.com/wtf.jpg

I owe it to Farnsworth, not "culture", persay. Besides, i meh in your general direction.

Thankie thankie. Man this is a rowdy friggin' bunch! :D

BTW, we should get someone to rate this thread. I've never had any luck w/it.

Also - i'm not a thread ghost anymore - i summoned a golem for the effort. It may dry and crack through all the hot air here, again turning me loose, but we'll see.
yeah, I noticed that you're alive again. Impressive. Just remember to put the golem back where you found it.

http://www.orlyowl.com/wtf.jpg

I owe it to Farnsworth, not "culture", persay. Besides, i meh in your general direction.
:eek:

NOBODY meh's my Tweety. Your mother was a hamster and your father smelt like elderberries. I fart in your general direction!

You know, I swear the mods decide which thread goes into spam by how many times the word "spam" has been mentioned during the thread. I'll bet they're doing permanent searches on the word because they KNOW we would repeat it over and over and over if we were spamming...

shit, I already repeated the word three times.
You and your evil ... *tsk tsk*
http://www.websmileys.com/sm/evil/676.gif

http://www.orlyowl.com/wtf.jpg

I owe it to Farnsworth, not "culture", persay. Besides, i meh in your general direction.

Is it because I didn't tell a little story?

:eek:

NOBODY meh's my Tweety. Your mother was a hamster and your father smelt like elderberries. I fart in your general direction!
*Psst! Fascist Dominon prwned you already!*

Is anyone else now concerned about how you will be taken care of in a hospital?

Never leave anyone you care about alone in the hospital for any length of time. While there are lots of good people working in them, there are also a lot of bastards and clueless folk there too. About three years ago my mom was in the hospital for four weeks. Several times the nurses tried to give her heart meds (she doesn't have a heart problem) and assorted other unknown meds. Depending on who was on duty, she either got great care or treated like sh*t. So I spent every night with her (my sisters and aunt did days) to keep an eye on things. Seriously, Beware!

Never leave anyone you care about alone in the hospital for any length of time. While there are lots of good people working in them, there are also a lot of bastards and clueless folk there too. About three years ago my mom was in the hospital for four weeks. Several times the nurses tried to give her heart meds (she doesn't have a heart problem) and assorted other unknown meds. Depending on who was on duty, she either got great care or treated like sh*t. So I spent every night with her (my sisters and aunt did days) to keep an eye on things. Seriously, Beware!
sounds about right. My mom was an ER nurse, my dad a doctor in a major hospital. I know things that I'm forbidden to speak of. Does explain why nothing makes me squeemish now, tho.

Is it because I didn't tell a little story?
Where'd i lose ya? Go back a few posts?
;)

But... but I'm trying... See
*points to my last post.*I made it *loud* so everyone ELSE would see you as a good example! :)

sheesh...that took way too long. Come on people. FUN STORIES! I KNOW YOU HAVE THEM!

okay, back to Texoma Land's post, relating to night nurses. I have several as I grew up in and am constantly around ER's and hospitals...

First story. So I'm maybe 10, and in the nurses break room. They're talking about what have you that nurses talk about during their breaks, and they start saying "maybe we should't talk about this around the little one". They, of course, decide they should. So my ears perk up, and I start to actually listen. They were discussing how they would occasionally steal patients pills and take them, and were actually discussing which ones were the most fun to take when they worked the night shifts. I think the general concensus was that the codine based meds were the best. This worries me, but not nearly as much as the next story.

So I was picking my friends mom up from the hospital she works at, and we're waiting at the monitoring station, where all those heart monitors register. We're talking to the nurse on duty, just relaxing, when I hear a beeping. This, of course, worries me. Usually, hearing a beep from a wall of heart monitors is a BAD thing. So we keep talking, as the nurse seems unimpressed by it. Then the same screen that is beeping starts to flash. I tell him. His response? "Oh, thats just Mr. whateverhisnamewas. He wouldn't take his meds earlier. This'll teach the old bastard".

Is anyone else now concerned about how you will be taken care of in a hospital?
Here's another "Yipes" anecdote, alright! :eek:
*thinks Catch-22*

Where'd i lose ya? Go back a few posts?
;)

*roams around. finds rock. perches upon. ponders dilemma. ponders some more. decides she needs more shrubberie in her yard...*

They were discussing how they would occasionally steal patients pills and take them, and were actually discussing which ones were the most fun to take when they worked the night shifts.

Quite a few of them (of all shifts) also smoked pot while they were out taking a "smoke break." I was frequently asked to join them (again, I was only 13 at the time). I politely declined. After having been drugged up for the last couple of months, it didn't really appeal to me.

Also, one of my male nurses went on and on to me about the "jugs" on a 16 year old brain tumor patient who was in rehab with me and how he wanted to do her.

I realize that they are all just human like anyone else, but you'd think there would be some lines drawn as to what was acceptable.

:confused: why would you score a broad's side?
Ask Verdigroth about frotterism/frottage. :eek:

Where'd i lose ya? Go back a few posts?
;)
getting lost? Story. (hey, I'm tryin here! come on, someone else HAS to have stories)

anyway, so I'm driving around with my exgirlfriend (the one of turkeybaster fame). She had been drinking. heavily. Another friend is in the back seat, also quite drunk. So, we're driving around, the friend in the back pretty much passed out. We pass a car with a dead headlight, so, me being bored, I decide to yell padiddle, and hit the roof. My ex asks if that means she has to take off her shirt. I tell her to do whatever she wants. So she takes off her shirt. go figure. She then curls up in the front seat and latches onto my arm. Her knee constantly hits my gear shift, throwing me into neutral on the highway. Wonderful. She asks where we are, and I tell her Meriden. An hour later, she asks me again, I say New Britain. (the two surrounding towns, on opposite sides of my town). She starts yelling at me for lying to her and how that is why we broke up and starts bringing up some pretty low stuff. At this point, I was considering slamming her side of the car into a telephone pole. So 2 minutes after she says all this, she starts trying to get me to have sex with her. Suddenly, out of nowhere, the girl who was passed out says "Jesus christ Bruce, Just FUCK HER ALREADY!" and passes out again. At this point, I decided I really hate my life almost as much as I hate my ex.

I was also born blue because the umbilical cord was wrapped around my neck.
I just f*cking KNEW it. :eek:
Mine also. 3 1/2.
I have a theory about people with that kind of start, i'll save it for TGing.
I've noticed a disturbing pattern about it.

Quite a few of them (of all shifts) also smoked pot while they were out taking a "smoke break." I was frequently asked to join them (again, I was only 13 at the time). I politely declined. After having been drugged up for the last couple of months, it didn't really appeal to me.

Also, one of my male nurses went on and on to me about the "jugs" on a 16 year old brain tumor patient who was in rehab with me and how he wanted to do her.

I realize that they are all just human like anyone else, but you'd think there would be some lines drawn as to what was acceptable.
the most stolen object from hospitals? IV clips. They make perfect roach clips.

I know things that I'm forbidden to speak of.

Isn't it about time you made your fortune by writing that "tell all" expose of hospital culture? :D You could be on Ophra! :p

Thanks. :)

Yep. Same here. The older I get, the less embarassed I find myself about things. 10-15 years ago I wouldn't even tell my closest friend about that stuff. Now it's not so much an issue. In another 15 years, you probably won't be able to shut me up. Good thing I didn't have kids. They'd be mortified. :p
I might be in a similar predictament should i ever reproduce. *nods*
So far, it works pretty well on the internet, relatively anonymously. ;)

yeah, I noticed that you're alive again. Impressive. Just remember to put the golem back where you found it.
Don't sneeze. Static isn't enough, even if there's enough humour :p response from this thread to give me a little liquid adhesion.

:eek:
I fart in your general direction!
...and when she wants more, she lights a match. :D

Ill Rufferto has a funny lil' anecdote about that. :)

I just f*cking KNEW it. :eek:
Mine also. 3 1/2.
I have a theory about people with that kind of start, i'll save it for TGing.
I've noticed a disturbing pattern about it.
haha...I'm curious about this disturbing pattern...and midly frightened. haha

Isn't it about time you made your fortune by writing that "tell all" expose of hospital culture? You could be on Ophra!
haha...just come to dinner with my family. We tend to discuss my dads patients, and where they have pussy legions...usually on genitals.:eek:

Yep. Same here. The older I get, the less embarassed I find myself about things. 10-15 years ago I wouldn't even tell my closest friend about that stuff. Now it's not so much an issue. In another 15 years, you probably won't be able to shut me up. Good thing I didn't have kids. They'd be mortified.

haha...I'm 20 and I give up all the details. What does that mean the future holds for me?


oh, my poor, poor children.

*roams around. finds rock. perches upon. ponders dilemma. ponders some more. decides she needs more shrubberie in her yard...*
:)
It was Fascist Dominion, believe it or not, who actually crested that hill. :D

haha...just come to dinner with my family. We tend to discuss my dads patients, and where they have pussy legions...usually on genitals.:eek:

Man, as if I weren't already gay enough. Blech!

One would think that having to deal with that sort of thing day in and day out would kill any desire to ever have anything to do with that particular anatomical feature.

haha...I'm 20 and I give up all the details. What does that mean the future holds for me?


oh, my poor, poor children.

I shudder to think. :p

So far, it works pretty well on the internet, relatively anonymously. ;)

Kids (should you have any) being what they are, will find it. Nosey bastards.

Quite a few of them (of all shifts) also smoked pot while they were out taking a "smoke break." I was frequently asked to join them (again, I was only 13 at the time). I politely declined. After having been drugged up for the last couple of months, it didn't really appeal to me.

Also, one of my male nurses went on and on to me about the "jugs" on a 16 year old brain tumor patient who was in rehab with me and how he wanted to do her.

I realize that they are all just human like anyone else, but you'd think there would be some lines drawn as to what was acceptable.I went up to fix a computer in our Family case area. think of it as a mental ward for kids... Up to 18 years in age.

While i was fixing their program. a teenage girl walks out of her room... past the desk I was at and down the Hall... Butt Freaking Naked! (yes, she had a very nice and well developed body.) ok, I concentrate on the screen and moments later, she comes walking back and enters her room. one of the attendings noticed this and called her. she came out of her room, still in her birthday suit, as the nurse told her to get back inside and put something on.

fortunatly, for my condition, it took me a while longer to fix that pc and realocate some misappropriated blood. :D

Quite a few of them (of all shifts) also smoked pot while they were out taking a "smoke break." I was frequently asked to join them (again, I was only 13 at the time). I politely declined. After having been drugged up for the last couple of months, it didn't really appeal to me.

Also, one of my male nurses went on and on to me about the "jugs" on a 16 year old brain tumor patient who was in rehab with me and how he wanted to do her.

I realize that they are all just human like anyone else, but you'd think there would be some lines drawn as to what was acceptable.
That reminds me - i was with my wife when she was getting surgery for the beginnings of cervical cancer.
My wife has her legs splayed, not particularly comfortable, with a giant electroplate brace underneath her, and the doctor who is supposed to be doing the excision with some sort of expertise. And then, he starts flirting with the nurse, and she flirts back, talking about vacations and stuff like that while my wife patiently waits, concerned that they might not be able to remove all the tissue, and ... hmmm ... oh yeah, THERE SHE IS LIKE THAT waiting for him to snuff his f*cking libido long enough to intervene in a potential life-and-death issue - you know, the kind you have to pay for all along. :mad:

Man, as if I weren't already gay enough. Blech!

One would think that having to deal with that sort of thing day in and day out would kill any desire to ever have anything to do with that particular anatomical feature.



I shudder to think. :p
haha...thats pussy, as in having pus in it...not a euphamism for the vagina...my bad:(

never you worry, boys have just as many legions on their naughtyparts as the girls ;)

and honestly, I think the prostate exams are enough to kill an appetite.


hmm...nother story? yes, I think so.


so I live in CT. Back in the day, Dee Snider, of Twisted Sister fame, had a radio show in the mornings. They one day wanted to eat a human placenta, and were worried about the health risks...so my dad calls in to give them some help, and becomes something of friends with them. Now, at this point, I am in 10th grade, and many of my friends and teachers listen to the program. There comes a challenge. The young intern claims that any doctor who gives prostate exams is gay. My dad takes up the challenge to give this guy a prostate exam. On the air. Before school begins. So my dad does it, and I end up having dozens of people asking me if it was faked or real or what-have-you.

Sadly, I have the recording of the prostate exam on my computer.

getting lost? Story. (hey, I'm tryin here! come on, someone else HAS to have stories)

anyway, so I'm driving around with my exgirlfriend (the one of turkeybaster fame). She had been drinking. heavily. Another friend is in the back seat, also quite drunk. So, we're driving around, the friend in the back pretty much passed out. We pass a car with a dead headlight, so, me being bored, I decide to yell padiddle, and hit the roof. My ex asks if that means she has to take off her shirt. I tell her to do whatever she wants. So she takes off her shirt. go figure. She then curls up in the front seat and latches onto my arm. Her knee constantly hits my gear shift, throwing me into neutral on the highway. Wonderful. She asks where we are, and I tell her Meriden. An hour later, she asks me again, I say New Britain. (the two surrounding towns, on opposite sides of my town). She starts yelling at me for lying to her and how that is why we broke up and starts bringing up some pretty low stuff. At this point, I was considering slamming her side of the car into a telephone pole. So 2 minutes after she says all this, she starts trying to get me to have sex with her. Suddenly, out of nowhere, the girl who was passed out says "Jesus christ Bruce, Just FUCK HER ALREADY!" and passes out again. At this point, I decided I really hate my life almost as much as I hate my ex.
Certainly, you don't spend so much time around these folks anymore, do you?
It does remind me of a few funny things, of course, but not so much chagrin as fear and frivolty.

Certainly, you don't spend so much time around these folks anymore, do you?
It does remind me of a few funny things, of course, but not so much chagrin as fear and frivolty.
well, we're all at different colleges now, so I rarely see them. I did climb a mountain with the ex and her new boyfriend. She said "Untill *current boy*, I didn't date a single smart guy". I almost pushed her off the cliff.
I think she'll be staying up in NH this year...thank god.

haha...I'm curious about this disturbing pattern...and midly frightened. haha
I suspect you would've noticed it too, by now. Especially with your twenties.
Perhaps nothing, perhaps not.

Kids (should you have any) being what they are, will find it. Nosey bastards.
I expect it from them, really - along with certain periods of complete incompatability with social graces and social ingratiation.
:)

I suspect you would've noticed it too, by now. Especially with your twenties.
Perhaps nothing, perhaps not.
hmm..possibly have noticed it, but I don't know tons of blue babies...sadly.

haha...thats pussy, as in having pus in it...not a euphamism for the vagina...my bad:(

never you worry, boys have just as many legions on their naughtyparts as the girls ;)

and honestly, I think the prostate exams are enough to kill an appetite.


hmm...nother story? yes, I think so.


so I live in CT. Back in the day, Dee Snider, of Twisted Sister fame, had a radio show in the mornings. They one day wanted to eat a human placenta, and were worried about the health risks...so my dad calls in to give them some help, and becomes something of friends with them. Now, at this point, I am in 10th grade, and many of my friends and teachers listen to the program. There comes a challenge. The young intern claims that any doctor who gives prostate exams is gay. My dad takes up the challenge to give this guy a prostate exam. On the air. Before school begins. So my dad does it, and I end up having dozens of people asking me if it was faked or real or what-have-you.

Sadly, I have the recording of the prostate exam on my computer.
That is sooooo cool. :)
Perhaps, just perhaps ... Dee Snider getting a prostate exam? Perhaps? Or is it just to the intern?

hmm..possibly have noticed it, but I don't know tons of blue babies...sadly.
My wife.
Also, a few of my friends. You wouldn't think it was so common, but meh.

That reminds me - i was with my wife when she was getting surgery for the beginnings of cervical cancer.
My wife has her legs splayed, not particularly comfortable, with a giant electroplate brace underneath her, and the doctor who is supposed to be doing the excision with some sort of expertise. And then, he starts flirting with the nurse, and she flirts back, talking about vacations and stuff like that while my wife patiently waits, concerned that they might not be able to remove all the tissue, and ... hmmm ... oh yeah, THERE SHE IS LIKE THAT waiting for him to snuff his f*cking libido long enough to intervene in a potential life-and-death issue - you know, the kind you have to pay for all along. :mad:

What an asshole! Did she say anything to him? Too many docs treat their patients as if they were a piece of furniture. And most think they can get away with it because their patients often feel too vunerable to speak up. I know I did.

I used to let mine get away with it. But now I have no problem reminding them that they work for me and if they want my money, they had better do their job to my satisfaction. Don't get me wrong, I generally respect them and let them do their job, but if they do something stupid or disrespectful to me, I call them on it. And fast. There's no excuse for crap like that.

I went up to fix a computer in our Family case area. think of it as a mental ward for kids... Up to 18 years in age.

While i was fixing their program. a teenage girl walks out of her room... past the desk I was at and down the Hall... Butt Freaking Naked! (yes, she had a very nice and well developed body.) ok, I concentrate on the screen and moments later, she comes walking back and enters her room. one of the attendings noticed this and called her. she came out of her room, still in her birthday suit, as the nurse told her to get back inside and put something on.

fortunatly, for my condition, it took me a while longer to fix that pc and realocate some misappropriated blood. :D
Gotta love the fringe benefits!

That is sooooo cool. :)
Perhaps, just perhaps ... Dee Snider getting a prostate exam? Perhaps? Or is it just to the intern?
haha...as far as on air goes, just the intern. But his response is hysterical. if you remind me, I'll send you the audio.

What an asshole! Did she say anything to him? Too many docs treat their patients as if they were a piece of furniture. And most think they can get away with it because their patients often feel too vunerable to speak up. I know I did.

I used to let mine get away with it. But now I have no problem reminding them that they work for me and if they want my money, they had better do their job to my satisfaction. Don't get me wrong, I generally respect them and let them do their job, but if they do something stupid or disrespectful to me, I call them on it. And fast. There's no excuse for crap like that.
I agree. Several options were discussed afterwards, since i just about took the contact plate and fused his f*cking face there in the office, but i didn't do it. It was hard not to.
Ultimately, my wife decided (since i left it up to her) to discontinue any contact with the guy whatsoever, and if anyone asks about him ... well, you know. I think a lot of other patients have had similar problems with him as well. His last name's Anderson. Also, we mulled over the idea of a certain doctors' family and a certain nurses' family being notified of certain behaviour, but we just kept it in mind and went on our "merry" way.

haha...as far as on air goes, just the intern. But his response is hysterical. if you remind me, I'll send you the audio.
At some point, yeah, that'd rock.
If it weren't for copyright issues, i'd play it on my show too! :D

haha...thats pussy, as in having pus in it...not a euphamism for the vagina...my bad:(

Ah. Fair enough. Homonyms are a bitch.

never you worry, boys have just as many legions on their naughtyparts as the girls ;)

and honestly, I think the prostate exams are enough to kill an appetite.

I would think that females have more problems though due to their design. All internal and moist and what not. Not that I have any doubt that men have said problems too. I just haven't encounterd any on my travels. And hope not to.

And after bowel training, I have no fear of a simple prostate exam. Not that I would want it aired on any of the media. :p

I'm suprised you didn't murder you parents in high school. *lol*

At some point, yeah, that'd rock.
If it weren't for copyright issues, i'd play it on my show too! :D
haha...I'm sure dee would love that...ClearChannel, however.......yeah. mreh.

well, we're all at different colleges now, so I rarely see them. I did climb a mountain with the ex and her new boyfriend. She said "Untill *current boy*, I didn't date a single smart guy". I almost pushed her off the cliff.
I think she'll be staying up in NH this year...thank god.
HTF did she come to that conclusion? :mad:
Perhaps you should have translated for her ...
"Until *current boy*, I didn't date a single guy who could truly appreciate my psycho-sexual domination and emotional blackmail."

the sarcastic emotions or the unbridled violence?
I'm rather fond of both.:fluffle:

Ah. Fair enough. Homonyms are a bitch.



I would think that females have more problems though due to their design. All internal and moist and what not. Not that I have any doubt that men have said problems too. I just haven't encounterd any on my travels. And hope not to.

And after bowel training, I have no fear of a simple prostate exam. Not that I would want it aired on any of the media. :p

I'm suprised you didn't murder you parents in high school. *lol*
haha...well, most of the legions are caused by fun diseases like syphalys and the like. Fun stuff.

my family has always just had fun. Neither me nor my sister ever really got embarassed, as we were raised with it (grew up in college classrooms, ER's and hospital breakrooms). Plus, I got to hang out with Dee! w00t!

I'm rather fond of both.:fluffle:
Prwned.
http://www.unlc.biz/images/benderpimp.gif

I went up to fix a computer in our Family case area. think of it as a mental ward for kids... Up to 18 years in age.

While i was fixing their program. a teenage girl walks out of her room... past the desk I was at and down the Hall... Butt Freaking Naked! (yes, she had a very nice and well developed body.) ok, I concentrate on the screen and moments later, she comes walking back and enters her room. one of the attendings noticed this and called her. she came out of her room, still in her birthday suit, as the nurse told her to get back inside and put something on.

fortunatly, for my condition, it took me a while longer to fix that pc and realocate some misappropriated blood. :D

*lol* I fully condone enjoying that. Just as long as you don't go and talk about any fantasies you might have about the situation with 13 year old kids in your care. :p

HTF did she come to that conclusion? :mad:
Perhaps you should have translated for her ...
haha...well, to her credit, aside from me, all of her boys were kinda dolts.

and we have a special relationship. During a drunk dial, we determined that our friendship is like a zen garden. There are nice piles of rocks (our friendship), and then bad things like rain and people come along to knock them down, and it takes a long time to build back up. currently, it would seem we're at a higher-than-normal point.

What scares me is that appearently my mom thought we would get married. Her reasoning was that I was in an angry phase when I dated her, and she complimented it nicely.:p

Damned straight! Woohoo!
Recipe for longevity:

Soon to be ex-boyfriend to M: "Honey, smootchie, sweetums, can I sleep all day on your sofa, drink all your beer, tape my stupid shit over your anime tapes, and clog up your shower drain while you're at work today? And then when you get home, can you cook me dinner while I tell you why women aren't smart enough to vote without help?"

M to endangered stupid man: "I quit that job. Get out of my house. I have to meditate for the rest of your life." *slams door; relaxes*

Yes, and due my compulsive behaviour, i'll post it, and the rest is up to you.
http://www.websmileys.com/sm/evil/1370.gif
Yay! Upgrade! Too bad I'm too lazy to go back and fix it.:p

haha...well, to her credit, aside from me, all of her boys were kinda dolts.

and we have a special relationship. During a drunk dial, we determined that our friendship is like a zen garden. There are nice piles of rocks (our friendship), and then bad things like rain and people come along to knock them down, and it takes a long time to build back up. currently, it would seem we're at a higher-than-normal point.

What scares me is that appearently my mom thought we would get married. Her reasoning was that I was in an angry phase when I dated her, and she complimented it nicely.:p
:eek:
Do you believe that she respects you? (Not a trick question)?

Gotta love the fringe benefits!
Oh yeah... the PERKS! :D

Also, we mulled over the idea of a certain doctors' family and a certain nurses' family being notified of certain behaviour....

*lol* That could have been satisfying.

I always let people know what I think about doctors I've had too when asked (and sometimes when not asked ;) ). Good and bad.

:eek:
Do you believe that she respects you? (Not a trick question)?
haha...actually, when things are good, they're really good. She's one of those people that even at the worst points, I know I could call on her, and she could do the same. We've both helped eachother through some pretty rough times.

As for respect...haha...um...it depends on the day of the week.

Recipe for longevity:

Soon to be ex-boyfriend to M: "Honey, smootchie, sweetums, can I sleep all day on your sofa, drink all your beer, tape my stupid shit over your anime tapes, and clog up your shower drain while you're at work today? And then when you get home, can you cook me dinner while I tell you why women aren't smart enough to vote without help?"

M to endangered stupid man: "I quit that job. Get out of my house. I have to meditate for the rest of your life." *slams door; relaxes*
:)
Ya know what sucks? I've got too many to put on my siglist. This definitely belongs there, though. http://www.websmileys.com/sm/happy/1356.gif
I know FAR, FAR too many guys pretty much just like the one you're mentioning there. :(

*lol* I fully condone enjoying that. Just as long as you don't go and talk about any fantasies you might have about the situation with 13 year old kids in your care. :p
nah, I'll just tell them the two incidents that made me vow never to enter the procedure room of an OR (where they do the surgery) to fix their computer while there is a procedure going on in there. :D

Oh yeah... the PERKS! :D
*thinks V for Vendetta* ;)

I work at tech support for a healthcare provider. one day one of the techies... a real egotistical Bitch that loved to shove her problem calls on others, slamed her hands on her desk and shouted "I can't do my job while answering the phones" everyone fell silent and the manager, who was walking by calmly replied "answering the phones IS your job." Morale never soared higher after that day. :D
I fail to see how that is related....AT ALL. But it's a great story.:)

Yay! Upgrade! Too bad I'm too lazy to go back and fix it.:p
Just have the websmileys.com site on Favorites. That's what i gots.
It takes too long otherwise!

Recipe for longevity:

Soon to be ex-boyfriend to M: "Honey, smootchie, sweetums, can I sleep all day on your sofa, drink all your beer, tape my stupid shit over your anime tapes, and clog up your shower drain while you're at work today? And then when you get home, can you cook me dinner while I tell you why women aren't smart enough to vote without help?"

M to endangered stupid man: "I quit that job. Get out of my house. I have to meditate for the rest of your life." *slams door; relaxes*if any girl asked that of me... they would be out the door at the point I bolded.

Only one person got away with taping over my Anime.

and that was because she supplied me with most of my collection then.

I fail to see how that is related....AT ALL. But it's a great story.:)
irritating co worker story.

*lol* That could have been satisfying. Oh yeah, this is small town stuff, everyone at some "church" would know, he'd be happy and move. That's why i almost did it. I didn't, though, since some ways of doing things turn into uglier messes than others. But i certainly mulled it over.

I always let people know what I think about doctors I've had too when asked (and sometimes when not asked ;) ). Good and bad.Some of them are the kind that might stitch up some forceps inside your chest cavity on accident or something - and in that sense i have no problem inferring unprofessionalism or lack of integrity when that's truly the case.

nah, I'll just tell them the two incidents that made me vow never to enter the procedure room of an OR (where they do the surgery) to fix their computer while there is a procedure going on in there. :D

Charming. :p Not that most kids now would bat an eyelash when it comes to blood and gore.

And on that note, I'm going ot bed. :)

:eek:

NOBODY meh's my Tweety. Your mother was a hamster and your father smelt like elderberries. I fart in your general direction!
[To Straughn]: "Now go away or [she] shall taunt you a second time."

haha...actually, when things are good, they're really good. She's one of those people that even at the worst points, I know I could call on her, and she could do the same. We've both helped eachother through some pretty rough times.
Could you ask her not to knee the stick into neutral? (That is just SO rife with entendre.) :D

As for respect...haha...um...it depends on the day of the week.Certain days to skip her company, methinks!
;)

*Psst! Fascist Dominon prwned you already!*
Yes, I did, didn't I.:D

[To Straughn]: "Now go away or [she] shall taunt you a second time."
Oh, read further ... ;)

Oh, read further ... ;)
Getting there, but damn you guys have been really busy since I left for awhile.

Could you ask her not to knee the stick into neutral? (That is just SO rife with entendre.) :Dhaha...isn't sexual innuendo great?

Certain days to skip her company, methinks!
;)
seems to be about every 21 days:eek: ;)

:D

Ill Rufferto has a funny lil' anecdote about that. :)
Too bad he left so long ago. We'll have to insist he share that sometime.

:)
It was Fascist Dominion, believe it or not, who actually crested that hill. :D
Usually is.;)

Getting there, but damn you guys have been really busy since I left for awhile.
Despite your attempts to spin otherwise ... or, perhaps, BECAUSE of your attempts otherwise ... hmmm. :confused:
So when do we get one of your medical anecdotes?

BTW, i think medical is enough of a topic for this one thread. Perhaps the sequel will just be a different topic, modwilling.

Despite your attempts to spin otherwise ... or, perhaps, BECAUSE of your attempts otherwise ... hmmm. :confused:
So when do we get one of your medical anecdotes?

BTW, i think medical is enough of a topic for this one thread. Perhaps the sequel will just be a different topic, modwilling.
yeah, that could work.

by the way, I just noticed your location...I'll admit it, I laughed.

I went up to fix a computer in our Family case area. think of it as a mental ward for kids... Up to 18 years in age.

While i was fixing their program. a teenage girl walks out of her room... past the desk I was at and down the Hall... Butt Freaking Naked! (yes, she had a very nice and well developed body.) ok, I concentrate on the screen and moments later, she comes walking back and enters her room. one of the attendings noticed this and called her. she came out of her room, still in her birthday suit, as the nurse told her to get back inside and put something on.

fortunatly, for my condition, it took me a while longer to fix that pc and realocate some misappropriated blood. :D
No limits there at all.:p

haha...isn't sexual innuendo great?
Usually i do it for fear or to make people extremely uncomfortable to make me laugh, but this time appears to be an exception.

seems to be about every 21 days:eek: ;)RA-f*cking-MEN to that. *nods emphatically*
*repeats*
*repeats again*

yeah, that could work.

by the way, I just noticed your location...I'll admit it, I laughed.
So am i still marginally impressive? :p

It's a specific and somewhat obscure ref, but it certainly deserves it.
I've got one of my own that i forgot about, but i've always wanted to use that one.

Charming. :p Not that most kids now would bat an eyelash when it comes to blood and gore.

And on that note, I'm going ot bed. :)
Nasdravlje. *bows*

haha...thats pussy, as in having pus in it...not a euphamism for the vagina...my bad:(

never you worry, boys have just as many legions on their naughtyparts as the girls ;)

and honestly, I think the prostate exams are enough to kill an appetite.


hmm...nother story? yes, I think so.


so I live in CT. Back in the day, Dee Snider, of Twisted Sister fame, had a radio show in the mornings. They one day wanted to eat a human placenta, and were worried about the health risks...so my dad calls in to give them some help, and becomes something of friends with them. Now, at this point, I am in 10th grade, and many of my friends and teachers listen to the program. There comes a challenge. The young intern claims that any doctor who gives prostate exams is gay. My dad takes up the challenge to give this guy a prostate exam. On the air. Before school begins. So my dad does it, and I end up having dozens of people asking me if it was faked or real or what-have-you.

Sadly, I have the recording of the prostate exam on my computer.
Maybe it says something about their sons.:p

Usually i do it for fear or to make people extremely uncomfortable to make me laugh, but this time appears to be an exception.

RA-f*cking-MEN to that. *nods emphatically*
*repeats*
*repeats again*
haha...me and my ex from all those great stories fill our conversations with innuendo. We were talking about changing a lightbulb, and people left the room because they thought we were going to have sex...

ie "ohh, the long, thin bulbs? Those are your favorite. I'll try to be gentle while I plug it in", etc, etc, etc.

So am i still marginally impressive?

It's a specific and somewhat obscure ref, but it certainly deserves it.
I've got one of my own that i forgot about, but i've always wanted to use that one.haha...yep, still impressive.

I think I need a girl again...they give me the best fuel for my stories.

Maybe it says something about their sons.:p
And just WHAT, may I ask, are you implying, sir?:mad:


haha...I kid, I kid.

I embrace my...special...ness.

I agree. Several options were discussed afterwards, since i just about took the contact plate and fused his f*cking face there in the office, but i didn't do it. It was hard not to.
Ultimately, my wife decided (since i left it up to her) to discontinue any contact with the guy whatsoever, and if anyone asks about him ... well, you know. I think a lot of other patients have had similar problems with him as well. His last name's Anderson. Also, we mulled over the idea of a certain doctors' family and a certain nurses' family being notified of certain behaviour, but we just kept it in mind and went on our "merry" way.
Would have been better if he'd suddenly and mysteriously disappeared.
http://www.websmileys.com/sm/evil/1370.gif

Would have been better if he'd suddenly and mysteriously disappeared.
http://www.websmileys.com/sm/evil/1370.gif
Of course, that kind of thought crosses my mind every now and again, but the circumstances didn't merit it. I can't just off everyone who offends me - instead, i invite them to debate me here! :p

Seriously though i know a few murderers, and i've been closer than i'm really comfortable with, and i'll suffice it to say there's other options. Indeed, i posted as much on a different thread poll.

Prwned.
http://www.unlc.biz/images/benderpimp.gif
LOL

haha...me and my ex from all those great stories fill our conversations with innuendo. We were talking about changing a lightbulb, and people left the room because they thought we were going to have sex...

ie "ohh, the long, thin bulbs? Those are your favorite. I'll try to be gentle while I plug it in", etc, etc, etc.
Yeah, it's been a LONG time since i was in that kind of environment.
In fact, the only person i was like that regularly was my wife (b4 she was).


I think I need a girl again...they give me the best fuel for my stories.
Sounds like the lament of the ages. :)

Recipe for longevity:

Soon to be ex-boyfriend to M: "Honey, smootchie, sweetums, can I sleep all day on your sofa, drink all your beer, tape my stupid shit over your anime tapes, and clog up your shower drain while you're at work today? And then when you get home, can you cook me dinner while I tell you why women aren't smart enough to vote without help?"

M to endangered stupid man: "I quit that job. Get out of my house. I have to meditate for the rest of your life." *slams door; relaxes*
And that's what gives me my infinitely small chance. See, I'm not giving up just yet.:fluffle:
*waits for tease*

http://i3.photobucket.com/albums/y79/Goomg/cell%20phone%20pics/6da87476.jpg

http://i3.photobucket.com/albums/y79/Goomg/cell%20phone%20pics/83fc6d3e.jpg

Yep, that's right, my wisdom tooth ran away, away to the jaw. Not only did I never even know it existed, but it has a friend. An extra tooth.

Surgery to rip the fuckers out; June 24th
High on painkillers; Priceless.

Hows dat?

Maxillofacial surgery or just an extraction?

Yeah, it's been a LONG time since i was in that kind of environment.
In fact, the only person i was like that regularly was my wife (b4 she was).


Sounds like the lament of the ages. :)
haha...of course, I have sexual innuendo with so many friends...even my roommates. Creeps people out


and damned if I haven't been working on that girlfriend issue for too long...haha

irritating co worker story.
But I wasn't talking about a co-worker, just some girl I know. Meh, close enough. After all it was a good story. *nods respectfully*

Where to begin? I've had so many surgeries I should probably have an honorary medical degree. OK, how about this one? One of the "side-effects" of my disability is hydrocephalism. For those who don't know what that is, it means excess spinal fluid on the brain. It can be dangerous, in that it can cause dangerious pressure on the brain, but in my case that isn't a concern. Anyway, when I was a kid, I was looked at by a neurologist who told my parentts that normally, what could be done is to drill a hole into the cranium and drain the fluid out. In my case, we were told, that was not an option because the fluid had collected in "pockets" and was not causing pressure, and that if they did drain it it would cause a vacuum and kill me. They'd monitor it, but I'd probably be ok. Anyway, I was in the hospital for something else, and one day my mother happened to overhear my neurologist say "you know we haven't performed a (whatever you would call that skull-drilling thing) and this is a teaching hospital (aflliated with University of Minnesota). Why don't we do one on the (my last name) kid?" The very proceedure he had just said would kill me.

Sorry if this was a little graphic.

Maxillofacial surgery or just an extraction?
:eek:
We have a first (to my recollection) ...
Aerou on one of my threads! Woohoo!!!!


Of course, i realize it's the OP/topic. I'm pretty sure Aerou has a few groovy medical anecdotes to share, if she would ... :)

:eek:
We have a first (to my recollection) ...
Aerou on one of my threads! Woohoo!!!!


Of course, i realize it's the OP/topic. I'm pretty sure Aerou has a few groovy medical anecdotes to share, if she would ... :)
*ahem*:mad:



;)
kidding, of course. the original idea twas SJS's (wow...too many s's.)

Where to begin? I've had so many surgeries I should probably have an honorary medical degree. OK, how about this one? One of the "side-effects" of my disability is hydrocephalism. For those who don't know what that is, it means excess spinal fluid on the brain. It can be dangerous, in that it can cause dangerious pressure on the brain, but in my case that isn't a concern. Anyway, when I was a kid, I was looked at by a neurologist who told my parentts that normally, what could be done is to drill a hole into the cranium and drain the fluid out. In my case, we were told, that was not an option because the fluid had collected in "pockets" and was not causing pressure, and that if they did drain it it would cause a vacuum and kill me. They'd monitor it, but I'd probably be ok. Anyway, I was in the hospital for something else, and one day my mother happened to overhear my neurologist say "you know we haven't performed a (whatever you would call that skull-drilling thing) and this is a teaching hospital (aflliated with University of Minnesota). Why don't we do one on the (my last name) kid?" The very proceedure he had just said would kill me. Did she promptly confront that doctor, or walk right out with you? :eek:

Sorry if this was a little graphic.No apologies necessary. Say whatever you're comfortable saying and don't feel obligated beyond that.

Despite your attempts to spin otherwise ... or, perhaps, BECAUSE of your attempts otherwise ... hmmm. :confused:
So when do we get one of your medical anecdotes?

BTW, i think medical is enough of a topic for this one thread. Perhaps the sequel will just be a different topic, modwilling.
I don't really have any. I have a natural tendency not to attend hospitals, in any capacity. There was a bit of a thing with my little brother, though. He is part of a second set of twins, but during the 24-hour period the doctor made my mother wait to begin the surgery to remove them, he managed to squirm the umbelical cord around his neck. He wasn't blue or anything, but he is a little slow. Worst part is that the doctor made her wait just so they could be born on St. Patrick's Day.:mad: :mad:http://www.websmileys.com/sm/evil/teu42.gif

*ahem*:mad:

You're right, you're right. It's in the OP, + you were actually the one to help tone down that rampant "Spamalanche" (thanks JuNii) and get a semblence of order here, even if it was kinda fun being bonkers again.

;)
kidding, of course. the original idea twas SJS's (wow...too many s's.)
Not just the right amount? :)

Usually i do it for fear or to make people extremely uncomfortable to make me laugh, but this time appears to be an exception.
I did that to my apprentice/friend not long ago. She was so completely disoriented she actually thought I was perverted. IRL I'm not, only on NSG.;)

You're right, you're right. It's in the OP, + you were actually the one to help tone down that rampant "Spamalanche" (thanks JuNii) and get a semblence of order here, even if it was kinda fun being bonkers again.

Not just the right amount? :)
haha...credit still goes to you for having the idea and the first post

speaking of lots of s's, where is that Scarlet?

So am i still marginally impressive? :p

It's a specific and somewhat obscure ref, but it certainly deserves it.
I've got one of my own that i forgot about, but i've always wanted to use that one.
Ha! I remember that. Nah, you've improved your status. I think you're slightly more than marginally impressive.:p :D

I don't really have any. I have a natural tendency not to attend hospitals, in any capacity. There was a bit of a thing with my little brother, though. He is part of a second set of twins, but during the 24-hour period the doctor made my mother wait to begin the surgery to remove them, he managed to squirm the umbelical cord around his neck. He wasn't blue or anything, but he is a little slow. Worst part is that the doctor made her wait just so they could be born on St. Patrick's Day.:mad: :mad:http://www.websmileys.com/sm/evil/teu42.gif
Was she taking the shots for that?
I was the result of "modification"/"intervention" myself, btw. My mother didn't menstruate for an entire year before she had me, btw - a lot of treatments and experiments along the line.
After 12 years of not being able to conceive.
Of course, i have three younger sisters - two are a set of fraternal twins.

:eek:
We have a first (to my recollection) ...
Aerou on one of my threads! Woohoo!!!!


Of course, i realize it's the OP/topic. I'm pretty sure Aerou has a few groovy medical anecdotes to share, if she would ... :)

Such as the man who was stabbed by his wife in the shoulder with a fork over her cooking, or the psych patient who repeatedly ran into the walls?

Or! The women who freaked out when we CTed her! And by freaked out I mean....FREAKED OUT. Kicking and screaming and threatening to hurt all of us because we were giving her a CT.

I have some pretty gross ones as well....but I won't bring those up :).

Was she taking the shots for that?
I was the result of "modification"/"intervention" myself, btw. My mother didn't menstruate for an entire year before she had me, btw - a lot of treatments and experiments along the line.
After 12 years of not being able to conceive.
Of course, i have three younger sisters - two are a set of fraternal twins.
further evidence for Straughn, the miracle man.


hmm...I feel like I'm due for a story. Give me a few to think, yes? yes.

And just WHAT, may I ask, are you implying, sir?:mad:


haha...I kid, I kid.

I embrace my...special...ness.
We all know I only said to offend you...er, because I know you have a sense of humor.;)

speaking of lots of s's, where is that Scarlet?
I think she said something about working ... and perhaps, we missed her by a day :(
She could've dished out some welt on that cirque de spam earlier ;)

I did that to my apprentice/friend not long ago. She was so completely disoriented she actually thought I was perverted. IRL I'm not, only on NSG.;)
I am perverted, but nothing beyond the realm of sensibility. I still respect people's physical boundaries. As for the mind ... ho ho, there's my demonic side.
http://www.websmileys.com/sm/evil/teu86.gif

Where to begin? I've had so many surgeries I should probably have an honorary medical degree. OK, how about this one? One of the "side-effects" of my disability is hydrocephalism. For those who don't know what that is, it means excess spinal fluid on the brain. It can be dangerous, in that it can cause dangerious pressure on the brain, but in my case that isn't a concern. Anyway, when I was a kid, I was looked at by a neurologist who told my parentts that normally, what could be done is to drill a hole into the cranium and drain the fluid out. In my case, we were told, that was not an option because the fluid had collected in "pockets" and was not causing pressure, and that if they did drain it it would cause a vacuum and kill me. They'd monitor it, but I'd probably be ok. Anyway, I was in the hospital for something else, and one day my mother happened to overhear my neurologist say "you know we haven't performed a (whatever you would call that skull-drilling thing) and this is a teaching hospital (aflliated with University of Minnesota). Why don't we do one on the (my last name) kid?" The very proceedure he had just said would kill me.

Sorry if this was a little graphic.
I think that settles it. I'll never use a hospital. Ever. I think I'd rather take my chances solely with witchcraft.

Ha! I remember that. Nah, you've improved your status. I think you're slightly more than marginally impressive.:p :D
There's still time to soil that reputation. :)

We all know I only said to offend you...er, because I know you have a sense of humor.;)
why I oughtta...:D


SJS-I really need to figure out what scarlets job is. I've been out of contact with her for far too long.

story...story...hmm...

well, for a story-let, the story of my conception.

so, appearently I was concieved durring hurricane gloria. Actually, if I had been a girl, I would have been Gloria. I guess we lost power, and my sister went to bed early. I figure this contributes to my enjoyment of destruction.

Mind you, I was told this during a family easter dinner...

Such as the man who was stabbed by his wife in the shoulder with a fork over her cooking, or the psych patient who repeatedly ran into the walls?

Or! The women who freaked out when we CTed her! And by freaked out I mean....FREAKED OUT. Kicking and screaming and threatening to hurt all of us because we were giving her a CT.Yeah, for example!


I have some pretty gross ones as well....but I won't bring those up :).Your choice! I think, though, that a few levels of decency have been stratified on this here thread (which should probably have been suspected beforehand) - so we're probably able to handle it!
...probably. :)

why I oughtta...:D


SJS-I really need to figure out what scarlets job is. I've been out of contact with her for far too long.

story...story...hmm...

well, for a story-let, the story of my conception.

so, appearently I was concieved durring hurricane gloria. Actually, if I had been a girl, I would have been Gloria. I guess we lost power, and my sister went to bed early. I figure this contributes to my enjoyment of destruction.

Mind you, I was told this during a family easter dinner...
Hahaha! Awesome. :)
Because of the circumstances around me, no joke, no one is particularly sure when it happened. *shrug*

Was she taking the shots for that?
I was the result of "modification"/"intervention" myself, btw. My mother didn't menstruate for an entire year before she had me, btw - a lot of treatments and experiments along the line.
After 12 years of not being able to conceive.
Of course, i have three younger sisters - two are a set of fraternal twins.
To be honest, I don't know what she was on. Probably, though. That was a long time ago, and I have a horrible memory.

You're right, you're right. It's in the OP, + you were actually the one to help tone down that rampant "Spamalanche" (thanks JuNii) and get a semblence of order here, even if it was kinda fun being bonkers again.
damn... guess the pressures on to think of the next phrase then... :headbang:

tho Spamalanche was accurate... the thread actually grew at record speeds.

I am perverted, but nothing beyond the realm of sensibility. I still respect people's physical boundaries. As for the mind ... ho ho, there's my demonic side.
http://www.websmileys.com/sm/evil/teu86.gif
Yeah, I only employed innuendo, nothing physical. I'm too socially/sexually conservative for that.

further evidence for Straughn, the miracle man.Damn, that's creepy.


hmm...I feel like I'm due for a story. Give me a few to think, yes? yes.Shoitenlee.

Your choice! I think, though, that a few levels of decency have been stratified on this here thread (which should probably have been suspected beforehand) - so we're probably able to handle it!
...probably. :)
I'm more than willing to test another boundry, as always.

so my dads current group used to run its MRI's through an independent company, as they couldn't get approval to build an MRI area on their property due to some abstract zoning law. So this company is doing routine maintenance with one of the machines, and somehow, it gets turned on. This part is the graphic part, so, for those who are very squeemish, I'll put it in white (note: it isn't horrible, but some people, I've found, have very low tolerance) So the machine turns on, with a repairman in the room. For those who don't know, MRI's use a very strong magnetic field to do its work. So the machine turns on, and pulls a wrench fully through the repairman, killing him quite bloodily and painfully.

Did she promptly confront that doctor, or walk right out with you? :eek:

No apologies necessary. Say whatever you're comfortable saying and don't feel obligated beyond that.


She went absolutely ballistic and told him if he came near me again, she'd sue him into bankruptcy.

There's still time to soil that reputation. :)
You only seem to be improving it. I think my perspective on it is reversed, so your efforts to soil it will doom you to a better reputation, thereby making you a victor of sorts to my plot to give you a good reputation. Muahahahahahaha!http://www.websmileys.com/sm/evil/teu42.gif (I really like that smiley, btw.:) )

damn... guess the pressures on to think of the next phrase then... :headbang:You can't force genius. The spirit moves when it moves.
I will say that a few of us are prodigious spurters of spamorrhea.

tho Spamalanche was accurate... the thread actually grew at record speeds.It was impossible to keep up with. Well, at least our spammers were a pretty good crew. I've seen much, much worse.
Case in point ... not one poster, IIRC, EVER mentioned "pie". :D
Although Ladamesansmerci had a good gambit with her "spam" post.

why I oughtta...:D


SJS-I really need to figure out what scarlets job is. I've been out of contact with her for far too long.

story...story...hmm...

well, for a story-let, the story of my conception.

so, appearently I was concieved durring hurricane gloria. Actually, if I had been a girl, I would have been Gloria. I guess we lost power, and my sister went to bed early. I figure this contributes to my enjoyment of destruction.

Mind you, I was told this during a family easter dinner...
LOL
*struggles to make coherent statement, erupts into giggling*

I am perverted, but nothing beyond the realm of sensibility. I still respect people's physical boundaries. As for the mind ... ho ho, there's my demonic side.
http://www.websmileys.com/sm/evil/teu86.gif
Ohhh... that is demonic... all that popcorn and not one kernal to share... :D

here's one that happened in the hospital. the Hospital just put in a new generator to supply power when the electricity goes out.

so they had the test. the lights flickered in the main frame room as they are will do during a generator test. then they flickered again after a few minutes to indicate that the generator was turned off and we were back on to city power.

all went fine and dandy untill 2 hours later... about the time I asked one of the operators there "what's that beeping sound" the power is cut. every mainframe, pc, tape drive is dead.

the cause? when they hooked up the generator, they crossed two wires that led to our area. so when the generator kicked off and the hospital was switched back to city power, our room was knocked off of the grid. we were running on our seperate UPS and the Beeping was the sound of the UPS running out of juice.

all in all, while patient care was impacted because of this, I'm glad it was the computers and mainframe that was hit and not the main hospital. [shudders]

LOL
*struggles to make coherent statement, erupts into giggling*
I hope all of these stories are starting to add up into a good outline of exactly why I am the way I am:p

Yeah, for example!
Your choice! I think, though, that a few levels of decency have been stratified on this here thread (which should probably have been suspected beforehand) - so we're probably able to handle it!
...probably. :)

I'll leave the gross stuff for another time, heh.

Lets see....the fork incident is memorable to me because it was over Christmas (when we get a lot of crazy cases, because holidays mean family and family means stress).

During my second shift of the day a man came in, with his wife, with a blanket over his shoulders. They were very quiet, and he sat in the corner of the ER waiting room while they filled out forms. When it was their turn I ushered them into an exam room, looked over his history, and asked him what seemed to be the problem. He glanced at his wife, who looked very anxious and upset, and removed the blanket so that I could see the FORK lodged into his shoulder blade. Apparently the two had been arguing over what she fixed for dinner and she got fed up with him and stabbed him in the shoulder blade with the first object she saw, which happened to be the fork. We asked him if he wanted us to get the police involved so he could press charges, but he refused (smart man :) ) and we operated on him a few hours later.

Not very exciting now, but at the time it made my 48 hrs go by a lot faster! I had to get all the other interns/residents/attendings in to see the poor forked man as well!

You can't force genius. The spirit moves when it moves.
I will say that a few of us are prodigious spurters of spamorrhea.

It was impossible to keep up with. Well, at least our spammers were a pretty good crew. I've seen much, much worse.
Case in point ... not one poster, IIRC, EVER mentioned "pie". :D
Although Ladamesansmerci had a good gambit with her "spam" post.
LMAO
Yeah, I didn't keep up. I fell behind and then suddenly it slowed almost to a stop for a moment, then sped up a bit. After that, I left, and jeez it's been hard to go through seven pages to catch up. It was all fun and games, not the usually noob chatter. "Some parts are as serious and as deep as you could wish, but largely it's all tits and ass and quite a lot of fish."

She went absolutely ballistic and told him if he came near me again, she'd sue him into bankruptcy.
Good for her. *bows*
Did you ever have the issue resolved satisfactorily?

I just remembered a story from my youth. I don't remember it well, but my parents like to retell it.

As I said before, my parents both worked in hospitals, and so I was often around them. Many hospitals use coding for a patient death or assorted urgecies, so as not to alarm patients/visitors, but alert the proper people. Being around so much, I always wondered why they were calling for "Nurse Blue" or what have you, and so asked my parents. Not being ones to lie to me, they told me the truth...that one meant someone had died (iirc). There were tons of them, and over time I memorized them. So once I had them down pretty well, I would hear an one of them come on, and then would proceed to run off screaming what was going on, and then fall down laughing at the shocked/terrified looks of patients as I ran by yelling "THE GUY IN 354 JUST DIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIED!":D


again, I'm precious.

Ohhh... that is demonic... all that popcorn and not one kernal to share... :D

here's one that happened in the hospital. the Hospital just put in a new generator to supply power when the electricity goes out.

so they had the test. the lights flickered in the main frame room as they are will do during a generator test. then they flickered again after a few minutes to indicate that the generator was turned off and we were back on to city power.

all went fine and dandy untill 2 hours later... about the time I asked one of the operators there "what's that beeping sound" the power is cut. every mainframe, pc, tape drive is dead.

the cause? when they hooked up the generator, they crossed two wires that led to our area. so when the generator kicked off and the hospital was switched back to city power, our room was knocked off of the grid. we were running on our seperate UPS and the Beeping was the sound of the UPS running out of juice.

all in all, while patient care was impacted because of this, I'm glad it was the computers and mainframe that was hit and not the main hospital. [shudders]And this one reminds me of my mom's anecdote.
She was getting a check up at the hospital in San Francisco (we were residing in Half Moon Bay), and that particular night she was concerned about the imminence of labor. The doc left the room for a minute (as they often do) and she was sitting next to the exam table. There was a fierce storm in town that night, and the power died while she was in there. A second or so (no more) passed, and a small vent of ball plasma exited an outlet on her right, hovering apparently in capacitance between the metal exam table and the outlet. Not much noise, she said, but it curled pretty subtly along the metal table to the other outlet to her left, about 3 feet away. She at first was understandibly fascinated and lightly terrified, and i guess she put herself into false labor from it. The power came back on after the sphere "swooshed" into the outlet, and the doc came in about 20 seconds later to find my mom in a semi-panic attack. A lot of people say it was an omen, but meh.

I just remembered a story from my youth. I don't remember it well, but my parents like to retell it.

As I said before, my parents both worked in hospitals, and so I was often around them. Many hospitals use coding for a patient death or assorted urgecies, so as not to alarm patients/visitors, but alert the proper people. Being around so much, I always wondered why they were calling for "Nurse Blue" or what have you, and so asked my parents. Not being ones to lie to me, they told me the truth...that one meant someone had died (iirc). There were tons of them, and over time I memorized them. So once I had them down pretty well, I would hear an one of them come on, and then would proceed to run off screaming what was going on, and then fall down laughing at the shocked/terrified looks of patients as I ran by yelling "THE GUY IN 354 JUST DIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIED!"

again, I'm precious.
Precious? No, not precious. HILARIOUS! That's f@*king awesome!:)http://www.websmileys.com/sm/evil/teu42.gif

I'm more than willing to test another boundry, as always.

so my dads current group used to run its MRI's through an independent company, as they couldn't get approval to build an MRI area on their property due to some abstract zoning law. So this company is doing routine maintenance with one of the machines, and somehow, it gets turned on. This part is the graphic part, so, for those who are very squeemish, I'll put it in white (note: it isn't horrible, but some people, I've found, have very low tolerance) So the machine turns on, with a repairman in the room. For those who don't know, MRI's use a very strong magnetic field to do its work. So the machine turns on, and pulls a wrench fully through the repairman, killing him quite bloodily and painfully.
Whoa, no sh*t? I know they're powerful, but you have to be in the right place to garner that kind of circumstance. Yikes. :eek:
Strange though, every new job i get, those are the kinds of things that first glance into my head. Must be the author in me.

I hope all of these stories are starting to add up into a good outline of exactly why I am the way I am:p
Ah, you're not likely to EVER get an exact match. A lot of it is paint-by-stochastic-resonance.
;)

Precious? No, not precious. HILARIOUS! That's f@*king awesome!:)http://www.websmileys.com/sm/evil/teu42.gif
haha...the docs and nurses all loved me because they always wanted to see what would happen if someone did that. Although, they did then have to deal with patients. they usually claimed I was "just one of the staffs kids" and was "making stuff up" and they would "keep a closer eye on [me]". Ha. Right.


Whoa, no sh*t? I know they're powerful, but you have to be in the right place to garner that kind of circumstance. Yikes.
Strange though, every new job i get, those are the kinds of things that first glance into my head. Must be the author in me.
I guess what killed the guy was the fact that it didn't hit his spine. The version that they had powered up rapidly. It hit only soft tissue, but, iirc, it hit the aorta.

I'll leave the gross stuff for another time, heh.

Lets see....the fork incident is memorable to me because it was over Christmas (when we get a lot of crazy cases, because holidays mean family and family means stress).That's indeed what i've heard. *nods*
And understandably so.

During my second shift of the day a man came in, with his wife, with a blanket over his shoulders. They were very quiet, and he sat in the corner of the ER waiting room while they filled out forms. When it was their turn I ushered them into an exam room, looked over his history, and asked him what seemed to be the problem. He glanced at his wife, who looked very anxious and upset, and removed the blanket so that I could see the FORK lodged into his shoulder blade. Apparently the two had been arguing over what she fixed for dinner and she got fed up with him and stabbed him in the shoulder blade with the first object she saw, which happened to be the fork. We asked him if he wanted us to get the police involved so he could press charges, but he refused (smart man :) ) and we operated on him a few hours later.This reminds me of the newlyweds/grand mal seizure anecdote that you've probably already heard - the bride w/the towel 'round her head, the groom w/the towel round his waist. :eek:

Not very exciting now, but at the time it made my 48 hrs go by a lot faster! I had to get all the other interns/residents/attendings in to see the poor forked man as well!
Well, it's a good thing the Goatse guy didn't hit your hospital, eh? :eek:
;)

Yeah, I only employed innuendo, nothing physical. I'm too socially/sexually conservative for that.
People like what they like.
That's why it's good to hook up with open-minded lovers, IMNSHO.

LMAO
Yeah, I didn't keep up. I fell behind and then suddenly it slowed almost to a stop for a moment, then sped up a bit. After that, I left, and jeez it's been hard to go through seven pages to catch up. It was all fun and games, not the usually noob chatter. "Some parts are as serious and as deep as you could wish, but largely it's all tits and ass and quite a lot of fish."
I'm glad it did - i was doing a few other things at the time (as i am now - a lot of excellent programs on freemasonry this eve)
As for quote ... hmmm?

Well, it's a good thing the Goatse guy didn't hit your hospital, eh? :eek:
;)

Well, we all "share" cases. Its more fun when other people see the craziness that is a weird/random case :).

I work with schizophrenic patients a lot because of my field of medicine, so I always have interesting stories to share.

haha...the docs and nurses all loved me because they always wanted to see what would happen if someone did that. Although, they did then have to deal with patients. they usually claimed I was "just one of the staffs kids" and was "making stuff up" and they would "keep a closer eye on [me]". Ha. Right.
They just said that to placate the patients. They really enjoyed all the fun you were having.

I just remembered a story from my youth. I don't remember it well, but my parents like to retell it.

As I said before, my parents both worked in hospitals, and so I was often around them. Many hospitals use coding for a patient death or assorted urgecies, so as not to alarm patients/visitors, but alert the proper people. Being around so much, I always wondered why they were calling for "Nurse Blue" or what have you, and so asked my parents. Not being ones to lie to me, they told me the truth...that one meant someone had died (iirc). There were tons of them, and over time I memorized them. So once I had them down pretty well, I would hear an one of them come on, and then would proceed to run off screaming what was going on, and then fall down laughing at the shocked/terrified looks of patients as I ran by yelling "THE GUY IN 354 JUST DIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIED!":D
So, did they check your scalp for three "6"'s in a circle? ;)
BTW, they refilmed that. The remake's out here really soon.

People like what they like.
That's why it's good to hook up with open-minded lovers, IMNSHO.
I intend to keep that in mind when I get around to looking for one.

I'm glad it did - i was doing a few other things at the time (as i am now - a lot of excellent programs on freemasonry this eve)
As for quote ... hmmm?
The prologue Eric added to the DVD release of Monty Python's The Meaning of Life.

Well, we all "share" cases. Its more fun when other people see the craziness that is a weird/random case :).

I work with schizophrenic patients a lot because of my field of medicine, so I always have interesting stories to share.
Hmmm. Any solipsists in your realm of experience? I suspect i might have an interesting time with a few of them.

I intend to keep that in mind when I get around to looking for one.
Not when you got good smilies, eh? ;)

So, did they check your scalp for three "6"'s in a circle? ;)
BTW, they refilmed that. The remake's out here really soon.
haha...nah, just the inverted crosses and a pentacle.

and please tell me you're joking :(

mreh. On that note, its 3:30 AM, so I think its time to sleep so I can go whore myself out to find some employment.

I guess what killed the guy was the fact that it didn't hit his spine. The version that they had powered up rapidly. It hit only soft tissue, but, iirc, it hit the aorta.
Yeah, i thought they had two power-up cycles before the main emission cycle. The ones used on me did, anyway.

Hmmm. Any solipsists in your realm of experience? I suspect i might have an interesting time with a few of them.

Besides the doctors? ;) Modern medicine and megalomania go hand-in-hand.

haha...nah, just the inverted crosses and a pentacle.

and please tell me you're joking :(

mreh. On that note, its 3:30 AM, so I think its time to sleep so I can go whore myself out to find some employment.
"Not 6's, 9's!!!!!" :p

Good luck with the employment! The canneries are hiring :rolleyes: ;)

Besides the doctors? ;) Modern medicine and megalomania go hand-in-hand.
Yeah, i suspect you're right - did you, for example, catch the anecdote about my wife and Dr. Anderson?

The prologue Eric added to the DVD release of Monty Python's The Meaning of Life.
Aha! THAT would be why i haven't yet seen it. :(

Oh, did you catch the re-release on DVD of The Search for the Holy Grail?
There's advance tickets to The DaVinci Code in 'em! Or a chance for them at least! :eek:

Not when you got good smilies, eh? ;)
Sometimes smilies aren't enough, I'm afraid.

Yeah, i suspect you're right - did you, for example, catch the anecdote about my wife and Dr. Anderson?

I didn't! I was to busy trying to figure out if Il Ruffino was having maxillofacial surgery or not, heh.

"Not 6's, 9's!!!!!" :p

Good luck with the employment! The canneries are hiring :rolleyes: ;)
haha...I almost said that too.

and I'll need it. no one seems to want a bartender in this town. Although, a cannery? hmm...think of the things that could "accidentally" be found in cans! I would be TOTALLY worth the jail time

"Today, in New York, a woman found an appearent 'bonsai kitten' in a can of soup. This comes after a rash of similar findings, such as a 'happy anniversary' card, a small piece of birthday cake, several dozen pennies, a tonsil, and appendix, a few baby teeth, and a rat tail"

Sometimes smilies aren't enough, I'm afraid.
Well, that's where a warm laptop and a ... how'd that poster put it ... doona ... make an agreeable couple. Perhaps a tryst. ;)
http://www.websmileys.com/sm/crazy/265.gif

I didn't! I was to busy trying to figure out if Il Ruffino was having maxillofacial surgery or not, heh.
It's much later on. Understandable.
So what'd you think of his pix? Neato or what?

It's much later on. Understandable.
So what'd you think of his pix? Neato or what?

Its actually not uncommon, but its not something I get to see everyday. I love looking at x-rays though!

haha...I almost said that too.Perhaps i should assuage you just a smidge, and let you know that my head has three horn nubs on them. A result of the formation in the womb, perhaps. Perhaps a little umbilical help, although i doubt that.
But two horns on either side and a third in the back, just above the transverse cerebellar fissure. Pronounced, at least, compared to others.

and I'll need it. no one seems to want a bartender in this town. Although, a cannery? hmm...think of the things that could "accidentally" be found in cans! I would be TOTALLY worth the jail time

Don't dismiss the sperm banks too soon. Remember how that worked for Colbert. :)

Its actually not uncommon, but its not something I get to see everyday. I love looking at x-rays though!
You'd dig my kidney stone pics. Spotty, blotchy x-rays, but a pretty picture nonetheless ;)
So perhaps i should ask you, if you don't mind ... have you ever seen ANY incidences of muscle and fascia on the palate or forward - one that might lead one to conclude it was possible to retract or extend say, canine teeth due voluntary muscular manipulation?

You'd dig my kidney stone pics. Spotty, blotchy x-rays, but a pretty picture nonetheless ;)
So perhaps i should ask you, if you don't mind ... have you ever seen ANY incidences of muscle and fascia on the palate or forward - one that might lead one to conclude it was possible to retract or extend say, canine teeth due voluntary muscular manipulation?

Not really my area of expertise, but I wouldn't imagine it to be possible. But I've never seen it....

Sometimes smilies aren't enough, I'm afraid.
That reminds me. Take a CAREFUL look around that websmileys site! ;)

*unnecessary bump*
Hopin' for Peechland,
Grave_n_idle,
Cobbleism,
Kyronea,
Verdigroth,
on, on, on ....

After having gone through 8-9 hours of extensive brain surgery in which I was operated on under an induced coma, I awoke to find I'd had a catheter inserted. After a few days a nurse took it out (much to my relief), assuming I was able to do my business in a bottle...WRONG! Years of being told not to piss in bed as a small child had done it's work and I found I was unable to go regardless of how much I needed to. And being unable to stand, let alone walk ruled out going to the toilet, so that meant having it reinserted.

Enter the nurse specializing in catheter insertion.

She held up this tube that to my horror looked big enough to fit a fully grown elephant. I asked her sarcastically if she could possibly find a tube any bigger. At which point I wished I'd died on the operating table..."Sir, it's the smallest diameter tube they make..."

Good for her. *bows*
Did you ever have the issue resolved satisfactorily?


Well, I've never had that done to me, and I'm still here so I assume that I'll be ok. Besides, if the hydrocephalism somehow became suddenly "active", I'm pretty much screwed.

Yes, I did, didn't I.:D
And Karma pwns you...:eek: :p

Its actually not uncommon, but its not something I get to see everyday. I love looking at x-rays though!
Xrays are sexy!

BTW, what nick should i give you?

My vote is for Lady Lisa. Course...I'm forced to wonder where these 18 pages came from...

I wonder if the technology is growing too fast for some of our workers.

1 day, a worker called wondering how to move from screen to screen in Windows.

ALT and Tab.

The What?

hold down the ALT, that's A L T key and press the tab. It's located next to your spacebar.

the what bar..

The space bar, it's at the bottom of your keyboard.

the backspace key?

no the space bar.

I only see the backspace key.

Ok... place your finger on the backspace key... move it to the left untill you get tot he number 6. then move it down 4 rows. your finger will be on a large key called the spacebar.

I only see the backspace key...

[Fustrated] ok, I'll be right up.

and yes, I had to go up and show this hospital worker which key was the space bar. their reply? "I was looking for a key that said spacebar on it." :headbang: :headbang: :headbang: :headbang:

I wonder if the technology is growing too fast for some of our workers.

1 day, a worker called wondering how to move from screen to screen in Windows.

ALT and Tab.

The What?

hold down the ALT, that's A L T key and press the tab. It's located next to your spacebar.

the what bar..

The space bar, it's at the bottom of your keyboard.

the backspace key?

no the space bar.

I only see the backspace key.

Ok... place your finger on the backspace key... move it to the left untill you get tot he number 6. then move it down 4 rows. your finger will be on a large key called the spacebar.

I only see the backspace key...

[Fustrated] ok, I'll be right up.

and yes, I had to go up and show this hospital worker which key was the space bar. their reply? "I was looking for a key that said spacebar on it." :headbang: :headbang: :headbang: :headbang:
ROFLMFAO!

mankind is doomed.

ROFLMFAO!

mankind is doomed.
nah... only the sick ones. :D

I wonder if the technology is growing too fast for some of our workers.

1 day, a worker called wondering how to move from screen to screen in Windows.

ALT and Tab.

The What?

hold down the ALT, that's A L T key and press the tab. It's located next to your spacebar.

the what bar..

The space bar, it's at the bottom of your keyboard.

the backspace key?

no the space bar.

I only see the backspace key.

Ok... place your finger on the backspace key... move it to the left untill you get tot he number 6. then move it down 4 rows. your finger will be on a large key called the spacebar.

I only see the backspace key...

[Fustrated] ok, I'll be right up.

and yes, I had to go up and show this hospital worker which key was the space bar. their reply? "I was looking for a key that said spacebar on it." :headbang: :headbang: :headbang: :headbang:

*dies laughing*

*dies laughing*

I think this is what she meant.

this one happened to a co worker.
User calls saying they couldn't log into the system. my co-worker got all the information and checked the user's account. nothing wrong. User tried again and failed to log in.

then he checked the program. nothing wrong. User tried again and failed to log in.

then he checked the network. nothing wrong. User tried again and failed to log in.

then he checked the network for that building. seeing if any connections were down... nothing wrong. User tried again and failed to log in.

then the user makes the one comment that makes everything fit together.
"you know... my screen is so dark I can barely see the words."
"what do you mean... can you see your cursor?"
"nope"
"well, try hitting the contrast/brightness buttons on your monitor."
"where's that?"
"it's next to the power button. you know. the light at the bottom of your monitor."
"what light?"
"??? wait... there's no light at the bottom of your monitor?"
turns out the User's PC was turned off and the user was looking at the Burned Image on the monitor.

this one happened to a co worker.
User calls saying they couldn't log into the system. my co-worker got all the information and checked the user's account. nothing wrong. User tried again and failed to log in.

then he checked the program. nothing wrong. User tried again and failed to log in.

then he checked the network. nothing wrong. User tried again and failed to log in.

then he checked the network for that building. seeing if any connections were down... nothing wrong. User tried again and failed to log in.

then the user makes the one comment that makes everything fit together.
"you know... my screen is so dark I can barely see the words."
"what do you mean... can you see your cursor?"
"nope"
"well, try hitting the contrast/brightness buttons on your monitor."
"where's that?"
"it's next to the power button. you know. the light at the bottom of your monitor."
"what light?"
"??? wait... there's no light at the bottom of your monitor?"
turns out the User's PC was turned off and the user was looking at the Burned Image on the monitor.

BURN!

that pun was so intended...:D

I wonder if the technology is growing too fast for some of our workers.

1 day, a worker called wondering how to move from screen to screen in Windows.

ALT and Tab.

The What?

hold down the ALT, that's A L T key and press the tab. It's located next to your spacebar.

the what bar..

The space bar, it's at the bottom of your keyboard.

the backspace key?

no the space bar.

I only see the backspace key.

Ok... place your finger on the backspace key... move it to the left untill you get tot he number 6. then move it down 4 rows. your finger will be on a large key called the spacebar.

I only see the backspace key...

[Fustrated] ok, I'll be right up.

and yes, I had to go up and show this hospital worker which key was the space bar. their reply? "I was looking for a key that said spacebar on it." :headbang: :headbang: :headbang: :headbang:
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
HAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHHAAHHA
HAHAHAHAHAHAAHHAAHHAAHHAHAAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHH
AHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAAHHAHAHAHAAHAHAHAHHAHAHHAH
AHAAHAHHAAHHAHAHAHAHAHAAHHAHAAHHAAHAHAHHAHAAHHAH
AHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

etc..

Ruffy, you're screwing up the page.

Ruffy, you're screwing up the page.
noticed and fixed ;)

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
HAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHHAAHHA
HAHAHAHAHAHAAHHAAHHAAHHAHAAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHH
AHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAAHHAHAHAHAAHAHAHAHHAHAHHAH
AHAAHAHHAAHHAHAHAHAHAHAAHHAHAAHHAAHAHAHHAHAAHHAH
AHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

etc..Ruffy... breathe... you're turning blue! :eek:

Sarkhaan and Straughn, thanks guys. you gave me another reason to love my job. :D

I got tonnes of stories from the horror vaults of Tech Support at a Hospital.

Sarkhaan and Straughn, thanks guys. you gave me another reason to love my job. :D

I got tonnes of stories from the horror vaults of Tech Support at a Hospital.
Absolutely. I'm happy that you had a good time participating in this thread, and i thank you for it.
*bows*

I apologize that i'm not putting another anecdote in at this time - i have a few hundred miles to travel this eve, and i'll get on here in a little while.
Again, i thank everyone for sharing what could normally be considered extremely personal information.


BRB-ish

Sarkhaan and Straughn, thanks guys. you gave me another reason to love my job. :D

I got tonnes of stories from the horror vaults of Tech Support at a Hospital.
haha...we do what we can.

hmm...a job story. I have lots of those...

I worked as a lifeguard for a few summers. I often got the morning shift, so I would have to lifeguard for both lessons and swimteam. Now, this shift is entirely pointless because lessons are taught by and swimteam is coached by my fellow lifeguards. Swimteam is particularly pointless because...well...they're on a swimteam....
Now, if you didn't know, swim team parents are the worst of the psycho sport parents.
So I get up at 7, get to the pool 7:15, after getting myself and my boss coffee. I set up all the equipment, and pull my rescue tube down from the chair. First up are the really little kids. The water is a wonderful 61 degrees, one degree over the cancelation point. So we have the lessons. All goes well, but kids complain about how cold it is. Parents come in and start bitching. So we decide to keep the next few classes out untill atleast the sun is up and the air is warmer. We, however, can't cancel. So we have to do something. the teachers decide we'll do some of their rescue training. Shepards crook is first. I get volunteered to go in the water. So I get in, freezing my balls off. The shepards crook is a long metal pole with a loop on the end to pull someone out. The little kids are too small to control it. I get hit atleast once per kid. Then we use the lifesaver, like the ones you see on a boat. Either it lands far away from me, and I have to swim to it (while pretending to drown), or it hits me in the face. Wonderful. So that ends.
Next is swimteam. At this point, I'm freezing, tired, pissed, have worked for three hours, and have one more hour of that shift, plus a 6 hour shift and another 3 hour shift to go. Swimteam had just started, and a woman comes in. She sees me wearing the guard suit, and decides to talk to me about her issues. Appearently, her kids CAN'T SWIM. they refuse to do lessons, and she threatens a lawsuit if we cut them from the team. Mind you, I have no authority over swim team, and really can't help her. She yells at me for being rude (and I mean, like, screaming). Finally, one of the coaches comes out and tells her I am only the guard for that morning, and saves me. I go in my chair and pout for a while, trying to warm up in my sweats, and the same woman comes up to yell at me for wearing sweats in the chair. I tell her that I can easily save someone in my sweats if it was needed, and that we do not allow parents on deck during practice. She asks for my boss' phone number so she can complain, so I give her my asshole boss' number so he can tell her she's an idiot. You would think that it ends there, but no.
So I get lunch, come back, and get thrown in the pool by one of the pool rats. Awesome. I'm cold and wet AGAIN. So I go into the chair for my shift, and kids start splashing me. I threaten to kick them out of the pool for the rest of the summer, and they leave me alone.
Then, a new father in town comes up and starts talking to me. I tell him I can't talk to patrons when I'm on duty, but I'd be happy to talk to him when I get down or he can go talk to one of the other guards who are not on duty. He keeps talking. He's asking about renting the pool for a night party. I tell him that we aren't equipted to do night swimming (we don't have lights). So he asks if he can rent it for a day. I tell him we have a policy of no private parties, but he can have everyone there. We can't allow food on deck, but there is a picnic area just outside. Not good enough. He starts getting angry. I again tell him I really can't talk, as I'm on duty. He ignores that again. He starts to tell me that his taxes pay for the pool, and he has a right to use it. I tell him he is using it currently, and no one is stopping him, but we have our hours set, and policies against private parties. If he wants more information, he can call the Parks and rec dept. and ask for Debbie (my nice boss). No. Not good enough. He wants an answer now. I tell him that my answer is official policy, but if he wants, he can talk to the supervisor on staff. No. I have to change my answer. I argue for another few minutes, and finally blow the whistle for adult swim (3 minutes early...oops) and run to hide in the guard shack.

So is the life of a lifeguard. I have a good story about july 4th if I remember to post it.

haha...we do what we can.

hmm...a job story. I have lots of those...

I worked as a lifeguard for a few summers. I often got the morning shift, so I would have to lifeguard for both lessons and swimteam. Now, this shift is entirely pointless because lessons are taught by and swimteam is coached by my fellow lifeguards. Swimteam is particularly pointless because...well...they're on a swimteam....
Now, if you didn't know, swim team parents are the worst of the psycho sport parents.
So I get up at 7, get to the pool 7:15, after getting myself and my boss coffee. I set up all the equipment, and pull my rescue tube down from the chair. First up are the really little kids. The water is a wonderful 61 degrees, one degree over the cancelation point. So we have the lessons. All goes well, but kids complain about how cold it is. Parents come in and start bitching. So we decide to keep the next few classes out untill atleast the sun is up and the air is warmer. We, however, can't cancel. So we have to do something. the teachers decide we'll do some of their rescue training. Shepards crook is first. I get volunteered to go in the water. So I get in, freezing my balls off. The shepards crook is a long metal pole with a loop on the end to pull someone out. The little kids are too small to control it. I get hit atleast once per kid. Then we use the lifesaver, like the ones you see on a boat. Either it lands far away from me, and I have to swim to it (while pretending to drown), or it hits me in the face. Wonderful. So that ends.
Next is swimteam. At this point, I'm freezing, tired, pissed, have worked for three hours, and have one more hour of that shift, plus a 6 hour shift and another 3 hour shift to go. Swimteam had just started, and a woman comes in. She sees me wearing the guard suit, and decides to talk to me about her issues. Appearently, her kids CAN'T SWIM. they refuse to do lessons, and she threatens a lawsuit if we cut them from the team. Mind you, I have no authority over swim team, and really can't help her. She yells at me for being rude (and I mean, like, screaming). Finally, one of the coaches comes out and tells her I am only the guard for that morning, and saves me. I go in my chair and pout for a while, trying to warm up in my sweats, and the same woman comes up to yell at me for wearing sweats in the chair. I tell her that I can easily save someone in my sweats if it was needed, and that we do not allow parents on deck during practice. She asks for my boss' phone number so she can complain, so I give her my asshole boss' number so he can tell her she's an idiot. You would think that it ends there, but no.
So I get lunch, come back, and get thrown in the pool by one of the pool rats. Awesome. I'm cold and wet AGAIN. So I go into the chair for my shift, and kids start splashing me. I threaten to kick them out of the pool for the rest of the summer, and they leave me alone.
Then, a new father in town comes up and starts talking to me. I tell him I can't talk to patrons when I'm on duty, but I'd be happy to talk to him when I get down or he can go talk to one of the other guards who are not on duty. He keeps talking. He's asking about renting the pool for a night party. I tell him that we aren't equipted to do night swimming (we don't have lights). So he asks if he can rent it for a day. I tell him we have a policy of no private parties, but he can have everyone there. We can't allow food on deck, but there is a picnic area just outside. Not good enough. He starts getting angry. I again tell him I really can't talk, as I'm on duty. He ignores that again. He starts to tell me that his taxes pay for the pool, and he has a right to use it. I tell him he is using it currently, and no one is stopping him, but we have our hours set, and policies against private parties. If he wants more information, he can call the Parks and rec dept. and ask for Debbie (my nice boss). No. Not good enough. He wants an answer now. I tell him that my answer is official policy, but if he wants, he can talk to the supervisor on staff. No. I have to change my answer. I argue for another few minutes, and finally blow the whistle for adult swim (3 minutes early...oops) and run to hide in the guard shack.

So is the life of a lifeguard. I have a good story about july 4th if I remember to post it.Oh man, you showed alot of control for that... :D

Bad Cow-orker story.
I had the misfortune to work with a real bitch. she flouted her certifications, her training her experiences...

so it was personnally satisfying watching her set up a CD rom drive. now this drive was an old one. one that does not have a tray but a slot that you slide the cd cassette in. you place the cd in the cassette and slide the whole thing into the drive.

remember those?

anyway, she wanted to test the drive so she asked me for the disk. I handed her the cassette with the program disk inside.

remember, I said she flouted her certifications, her knowledge and expertise.

what did she do?

She immediately takes the disk out of the cassette and slides it into the drive. :headbang:
one new (it was back then) CD drive Kaput and a program disk ruined.

Oh man, you showed alot of control for that... :D

Bad Cow-orker story.
I had the misfortune to work with a real bitch. she flouted her certifications, her training her experiences...

so it was personnally satisfying watching her set up a CD rom drive. now this drive was an old one. one that does not have a tray but a slot that you slide the cd cassette in. you place the cd in the cassette and slide the whole thing into the drive.

remember those?

anyway, she wanted to test the drive so she asked me for the disk. I handed her the cassette with the program disk inside.

remember, I said she flouted her certifications, her knowledge and expertise.

what did she do?

She immediately takes the disk out of the cassette and slides it into the drive. :headbang:
one new (it was back then) CD drive Kaput and a program disk ruined.
haha...I was way too miserable to lash out at that point.

and I love watching arrogant people get what they deserve. Never seems to shut them up tho...

Xrays are sexy!

They are!

Originally Posted by Muravyets
EDIT: whatever --- M
And that's what gives me my infinitely small chance. See, I'm not giving up just yet.:fluffle:
*waits for tease*
Oh, you're not, are you not? I turn my back for a day and a half and what do I find when I finally get caught up on this yak-chat? I find you making time with some...some...Dame!! You think she lacks mercy? What till I get my hands on you, you two-timing little-- *taps fingernails angrily on keyboard* ...fuffle, he says... humph... *taptaptaptap...*

All right, since I only had the one medical anecdote, and since Fascist Dominion hasn't been punished yet (meaning that he doesn't have one, either), would anyone like to hear a celebrity maniac story?

Oh, you're not, are you not? I turn my back for a day and a half and what do I find when I finally get caught up on this yak-chat? I find you making time with some...some...Dame!! You think she lacks mercy? What till I get my hands on you, you two-timing little-- *taps fingernails angrily on keyboard* ...fuffle, he says... humph... *taptaptaptap...*

Sides, La Dame is...No..Wait...I'm after Terrorist Cakes anyways. *shrug* Carry on.

All right, since I only had the one medical anecdote, and since Fascist Dominion hasn't been punished yet (meaning that he doesn't have one, either), would anyone like to hear a celebrity maniac story?

Sure. *grabs popcorn*

Sure. *grabs popcorn*
Very well. Ahem.

ONCE upon a time, in the early 90s I think it was, in NYC, at about 5 pm, my friends and I were commuting home on the E train (subway) from Manhattan to Queens. The train was crowded but not insanely so. All seats were full, many people were standing. My party were all in a circle, holding onto one of the car's central posts.

Now, you should understand that I have a maniac magnet implanted in my head. It attracts maniacs to me. I've lost count of how many invisible friends I've been introduced to and how many interplanetary plots have been explained to me. But at least the magnet has a maniac proximity detector attached to it, and this detector was going orange alert in my head. Ding-ding-ding = maniac in the vicinity. So I snuck a peak 'round, and I spotted him.

The seats on this train were arranged in ells of 3 seats and 2 seats. He was sitting in the middle of the 3-seat section directly behind me and my friend "R". He was a weedy, sandy-haired specimen, skinny, dressed in a yellowish tweed suit, white shirt, yellow tie, brown wingtip shoes, and he had a leather satchel sitting on the floor between his feet, one of those hard-sided old-fashioned ones where just the top opens up. And he was staring at us ladies very, very intently. Very intently.

As I watched him from the corner of my eye, he opened the satchel. I could see it was completely full of what looked like two reams of white paper. He carefully pulled out one sheet, reached forward, tapped R on the elbow, and when she looked round, he handed her the paper.

There was nothing on the paper except, floating in the middle of the page, a grid about 1 inch by 1/2 inch, consisting of six squares. Although I didn't see the other papers, I am prepared to bet any amount of money that every single sheet was a copy of this. R just looked at it for a moment, so the man volunteered some instructions, saying (this is exactly what he said; I will never forget it):

"By changing the colors in the grid, you can control the frequency and raise or lower the intensity level. But you have to be careful because if you choose the wrong colors, the people you love can get hurt." And to drive this important point home, he added: "For instance, I could increase the intensity level on this train, and then people would get hurt."

And let me tell you, he was already increasing the intensity level on that train pretty good, especially for the two people sitting on either side of him, who looked a bit like this: :eek:>maniac<:eek:

So R, who had experience with maniacs, from living in NYC and from hanging around with me and my magnet, took the paper and without folding it slipped it into the document folder she was carrying (which is what probably attracted his attention in the first place), and turned her back on him without saying a word. Of course, I kept my eyeball positively plastered on this loon, so I saw him think about and struggle with her reaction for a bit, but finally, he seemed to decide it was the right reaction, and he sat back in his seat and then got off at the next stop. And the intensity went down noticeably.

TWO WEEKS LATER

R and I are again commuting home on the E train. The train is way more crowded this time. We are pressed up against the back of some big bruiser of a guy who is reading the Daily News, and we are reading it, too, me over his right shoulder and her over his left shoulder. And there we see an article about an assault committed the previous day against CBS News anchorman Dan Rather. The headline says something like "CBS's Rather Attacked" and the sub-head says something about a deranged man arrested, and there's a picture of Dan Rather and a picture of his assailant -- and, yes, you are probably psychic, because R and I both leaped back and cried to each other, "Holy shit! It's Mr. Intensity Level!"

Here is what apparently happened: Security guards at the Paley Building (CBS headquarters) were aware of a sketchy character loitering out front the building, but aside from making sure he stayed off the part that was actually owned by CBS, they couldn't do much about it, as he wasn't bothering anyone. That is, until Dan Rather left work for the day. As soon as he saw Rather, he ran up to him, trying to hand him something, and when Rather tried to get away, the man attacked him. He just started punching and pummeling Rather, beating the crap out of him, until the security guards pulled him off. The whole time he was pummeling Rather, he was shouting over and over the apparently rhetorical question, "What's the frequency, Kenneth?"

From later reports over the next few weeks, we learned that the man, who was pronounced psychotic by the doctors at Bellevue and committed by the state without a trial, was known to have been stalking and harrassing news people for many years. After investigating his history, the NYPD declared him the most likely suspect in the as-yet unsolved murder of a news cameraman more than 15 years earlier. Tell that part of the story to your small children at night.

But this is a NYC story, so of course, no matter how terrifying and tragic, it still has a little bit of a punchline.

See, although nowadays, everybody sympathizes with Dan Rather for the shabby way his retirement was handled, back then Dan Rather was The Most Hated Celebrity (tm) in NYC because, you know, he's such a pompous ass. And I swear to you that, for 2 years after the Mr. Intensity Level attack, Dan Rather could not walk the city streets without some joker coming up behind him or driving by in traffic and shouting, "Yo, Dan! What's the frequency? Heh-heh."

And then REM put out their song "What's the Frequency, Kenneth" (somewhat late and already trite, since Hall & Oates had already put out a song about the 23rd & Ely subway slasher years before), which effectively put an end to that little drama.

And they lived happily ever after.

This story is certified 100% true.

Since my story, above, is 100% (or more) true, I decided to check my facts -- after posting the story, of course. What, you thought I'd check facts before publishing? This is about Dan Rather, isn't it?

Anyway, the following:

http://ask.yahoo.com/20010619.html

http://www.ratherbiased.com/bizarre.htm
(scroll for the story; this rather bitchy site lets you know how Rather was viewed at the time)

http://www.ape-o-naut.org/innuendo/
(no indication that this one in anything but a fictional depiction of what was going on in the maniac's mind, and an attempt to answer the question "Who is Kenneth?", but it's cool.)

There are discrepancies in the timeline. My memory says that I learned about this maniac when he beat up Rather, which happened years after he killed a cameraman, and that the man was taken into custody when he attacked Rather. These stories indicate that he escaped when he attacked Rather and was later arrested for shooting a cameraman. If so, then R and I met him while he was on the lam for the shooting. :eek: Or perhaps I've got the story right, and the later versions are confused, since these sources cite Parker Dietz, who has a bit of a rep himself. Or perhaps both versions are partly right. What are the odds this guy killed only once?

Either way, that's my story.

That reminds me. Take a CAREFUL look around that websmileys site! ;)
Aww, I don't have time for that now! I have pages of fascinating discourse to respond to.

After having gone through 8-9 hours of extensive brain surgery in which I was operated on under an induced coma, I awoke to find I'd had a catheter inserted. After a few days a nurse took it out (much to my relief), assuming I was able to do my business in a bottle...WRONG! Years of being told not to piss in bed as a small child had done it's work and I found I was unable to go regardless of how much I needed to. And being unable to stand, let alone walk ruled out going to the toilet, so that meant having it reinserted.

Enter the nurse specializing in catheter insertion.

She held up this tube that to my horror looked big enough to fit a fully grown elephant. I asked her sarcastically if she could possibly find a tube any bigger. At which point I wished I'd died on the operating table..."Sir, it's the smallest diameter tube they make..."
Haha! Only karma could be so ironically cruel. You must have done something moderately bad in a past life.

And Karma pwns you...:eek: :p
What? You read my location? Is that it? If so, you only know the infinitesimally small bit of information there.

Ya just had to remind me, didn't ya? Jerk.

Today - not more than a few hours ago.
big bossman for a dept. calls complaining that his printer isn't printing right. I checked that printer out not more than a week ago and it was fine. asked if he changed the toner or did anything to it, his reply... no.
so I picked up the printer and tested it. sure enough the printout is light and faded (again) checked the fuser (the Device that melts the toner onto the paper) that's ok. checked the transfer roller (the item that charges the paper so the toner power sticks.) that's ok. went over the printer with a fine tooth comb. (ok, it was a toothbrush)

finally looked at the toner...

you know that new toners have a strip of plastic that holds the toner in the unit untill it is ready to be used. that strip is the first thing you are instructed to remove. that strip was still on the toner...

"No, I didn't change the toner" bah!... he's not getting this back for a couple of days. :D

ROFLMFAO!

mankind is doomed.
ZOMG! That was exactly what I thought when I read that!:eek:

Today - not more than a few hours ago.
big bossman for a dept. calls complaining that his printer isn't printing right. I checked that printer out not more than a week ago and it was fine. asked if he changed the toner or did anything to it, his reply... no.
so I picked up the printer and tested it. sure enough the printout is light and faded (again) checked the fuser (the Device that melts the toner onto the paper) that's ok. checked the transfer roller (the item that charges the paper so the toner power sticks.) that's ok. went over the printer with a fine tooth comb. (ok, it was a toothbrush)

finally looked at the toner...

you know that new toners have a strip of plastic that holds the toner in the unit untill it is ready to be used. that strip is the first thing you are instructed to remove. that strip was still on the toner...

"No, I didn't change the toner" bah!... he's not getting this back for a couple of days. :D
I'm glad I'm not on your bad side. Or an idiot. Which would prolly put me on your bad side.;)

this one happened to a co worker.
User calls saying they couldn't log into the system. my co-worker got all the information and checked the user's account. nothing wrong. User tried again and failed to log in.

then he checked the program. nothing wrong. User tried again and failed to log in.

then he checked the network. nothing wrong. User tried again and failed to log in.

then he checked the network for that building. seeing if any connections were down... nothing wrong. User tried again and failed to log in.

then the user makes the one comment that makes everything fit together.
"you know... my screen is so dark I can barely see the words."
"what do you mean... can you see your cursor?"
"nope"
"well, try hitting the contrast/brightness buttons on your monitor."
"where's that?"
"it's next to the power button. you know. the light at the bottom of your monitor."
"what light?"
"??? wait... there's no light at the bottom of your monitor?"
turns out the User's PC was turned off and the user was looking at the Burned Image on the monitor.
*tries to make intelligent remark*
*erupts in a breathless laughter*

Sarkhaan and Straughn, thanks guys. you gave me another reason to love my job. :D

I got tonnes of stories from the horror vaults of Tech Support at a Hospital.
Yeah, this thread is teh pwnz0r.

I'm glad I'm not on your bad side. Or an idiot. Which would prolly put me on your bad side.;)Ignorant people don't upset me. but people who lie because they don't want to look bad...

I don't mind if people tell the truth. if he did change the toner, and said so, the problem would be resolved and neither he nor I would've wasted all this time.

you really wanna get on my bad side, say that there is nothing on your screen and insist on it, even tho you know and I know that there is something on your screen (like an error message, flashing in bright red fonts)

haha...we do what we can.

hmm...a job story. I have lots of those...

I worked as a lifeguard for a few summers. I often got the morning shift, so I would have to lifeguard for both lessons and swimteam. Now, this shift is entirely pointless because lessons are taught by and swimteam is coached by my fellow lifeguards. Swimteam is particularly pointless because...well...they're on a swimteam....
Now, if you didn't know, swim team parents are the worst of the psycho sport parents.
So I get up at 7, get to the pool 7:15, after getting myself and my boss coffee. I set up all the equipment, and pull my rescue tube down from the chair. First up are the really little kids. The water is a wonderful 61 degrees, one degree over the cancelation point. So we have the lessons. All goes well, but kids complain about how cold it is. Parents come in and start bitching. So we decide to keep the next few classes out untill atleast the sun is up and the air is warmer. We, however, can't cancel. So we have to do something. the teachers decide we'll do some of their rescue training. Shepards crook is first. I get volunteered to go in the water. So I get in, freezing my balls off. The shepards crook is a long metal pole with a loop on the end to pull someone out. The little kids are too small to control it. I get hit atleast once per kid. Then we use the lifesaver, like the ones you see on a boat. Either it lands far away from me, and I have to swim to it (while pretending to drown), or it hits me in the face. Wonderful. So that ends.
Next is swimteam. At this point, I'm freezing, tired, pissed, have worked for three hours, and have one more hour of that shift, plus a 6 hour shift and another 3 hour shift to go. Swimteam had just started, and a woman comes in. She sees me wearing the guard suit, and decides to talk to me about her issues. Appearently, her kids CAN'T SWIM. they refuse to do lessons, and she threatens a lawsuit if we cut them from the team. Mind you, I have no authority over swim team, and really can't help her. She yells at me for being rude (and I mean, like, screaming). Finally, one of the coaches comes out and tells her I am only the guard for that morning, and saves me. I go in my chair and pout for a while, trying to warm up in my sweats, and the same woman comes up to yell at me for wearing sweats in the chair. I tell her that I can easily save someone in my sweats if it was needed, and that we do not allow parents on deck during practice. She asks for my boss' phone number so she can complain, so I give her my asshole boss' number so he can tell her she's an idiot. You would think that it ends there, but no.
So I get lunch, come back, and get thrown in the pool by one of the pool rats. Awesome. I'm cold and wet AGAIN. So I go into the chair for my shift, and kids start splashing me. I threaten to kick them out of the pool for the rest of the summer, and they leave me alone.
Then, a new father in town comes up and starts talking to me. I tell him I can't talk to patrons when I'm on duty, but I'd be happy to talk to him when I get down or he can go talk to one of the other guards who are not on duty. He keeps talking. He's asking about renting the pool for a night party. I tell him that we aren't equipted to do night swimming (we don't have lights). So he asks if he can rent it for a day. I tell him we have a policy of no private parties, but he can have everyone there. We can't allow food on deck, but there is a picnic area just outside. Not good enough. He starts getting angry. I again tell him I really can't talk, as I'm on duty. He ignores that again. He starts to tell me that his taxes pay for the pool, and he has a right to use it. I tell him he is using it currently, and no one is stopping him, but we have our hours set, and policies against private parties. If he wants more information, he can call the Parks and rec dept. and ask for Debbie (my nice boss). No. Not good enough. He wants an answer now. I tell him that my answer is official policy, but if he wants, he can talk to the supervisor on staff. No. I have to change my answer. I argue for another few minutes, and finally blow the whistle for adult swim (3 minutes early...oops) and run to hide in the guard shack.

So is the life of a lifeguard. I have a good story about july 4th if I remember to post it.
I know lifeguards could have it tough, but Jesus Christ, that's ridiculous. I hate stupid people.

Ignorant people don't upset me. but people who lie because they don't want to look bad...

I don't mind if people tell the truth. if he did change the toner, and said so, the problem would be resolved and neither he nor I would've wasted all this time.

you really wanna get on my bad side, say that there is nothing on your screen and insist on it, even tho you know and I know that there is something on your screen (like an error message, flashing in bright red fonts)
I lie sometimes so I don't look so bad, but only if I have a chance of getting away with it. Of course, I woulda peeled the damned thing off. I never screw things up that badly. I don't think I could realistically manage to get on your bad side. You'd prolly just dismiss me as being a facetious asshole. I know I would.;)

Oh man, you showed alot of control for that... :D

Bad Cow-orker story.
I had the misfortune to work with a real bitch. she flouted her certifications, her training her experiences...

so it was personnally satisfying watching her set up a CD rom drive. now this drive was an old one. one that does not have a tray but a slot that you slide the cd cassette in. you place the cd in the cassette and slide the whole thing into the drive.

remember those?

anyway, she wanted to test the drive so she asked me for the disk. I handed her the cassette with the program disk inside.

remember, I said she flouted her certifications, her knowledge and expertise.

what did she do?

She immediately takes the disk out of the cassette and slides it into the drive. :headbang:
one new (it was back then) CD drive Kaput and a program disk ruined.
Ahahaha! That is so the same style of disaster I usually create! But I don't do it with technology. Just interpersonal relations.

ZOMG! That was exactly what I thought when I read that!:eek:
:eek: indeed! I guess great minds DO think alike. ;)

Ignorant people don't upset me. but people who lie because they don't want to look bad...

I don't mind if people tell the truth. if he did change the toner, and said so, the problem would be resolved and neither he nor I would've wasted all this time.

you really wanna get on my bad side, say that there is nothing on your screen and insist on it, even tho you know and I know that there is something on your screen (like an error message, flashing in bright red fonts)
There's nothing on my computer screen right now. Absolutely not. In fact, my computer is turned off. I'm just sitting in front of a shut-off black screen typing randomly into it. :D

There's nothing on my computer screen right now. Absolutely not. In fact, my computer is turned off. I'm just sitting in front of a shut-off black screen typing randomly into it. :D
as long as you admit that you turned it off and not blaiming the system/network/Information Services...

type away... and may I say how talented you are in typing with your screen off. I know of only a few handful of people who can do that.

There's nothing on my computer screen right now. Absolutely not. In fact, my computer is turned off. I'm just sitting in front of a shut-off black screen typing randomly into it. :D

Wow...I shall try it!

Look at me! I'm typin and my screen is black!...Wait...how do I submit the reply now?...I guess I have to turn It back on...

Hey, that wasn't too bad. ^_^

Oh, you're not, are you not? I turn my back for a day and a half and what do I find when I finally get caught up on this yak-chat? I find you making time with some...some...Dame!! You think she lacks mercy? What till I get my hands on you, you two-timing little-- *taps fingernails angrily on keyboard* ...fuffle, he says... humph... *taptaptaptap...*
Aw, crap. I shoulda figured this'd happen. Look, seriously, it was a completely different sort of fluffle. You weren't here, and I'm graduating tomorrow, so I haven't had access to any teases. I was so depressed about that that I needed a few sympathy fluffles. That's all. You don't know me that well, and I realize that, but to me, loyalty is everything. Everything. I am very, very sorry for any confusion and anguish that may have caused you. Really, I am. I had no idea you'd be so upset.

as long as you admit that you turned it off and not blaiming the system/network/Information Services...

type away... and may I say how talented you are in typing with your screen off. I know of only a few handful of people who can do that.
So the mandatory typing class in school DID pay off after all. Now I get to mock people who can't type without looking at the keyboard.

Don't worry, I'm computer illiterate, not stupid...at least I hope I'm not...

So the mandatory typing class in school DID pay off after all. Now I get to mock people who can't type without looking at the keyboard.

Don't worry, I'm computer illiterate, not stupid...at least I hope I'm not...
My friend says he does the Christopher Columbus method. "Discover, land and expect to land on the wrong place."

and to me, there really is no such thing as Computer Illiterate. you either want to learn or you don't.

the key test for those people are the ones who insist on someone going up to their office to turn on their pc. (yes, I get those too.)

So the mandatory typing class in school DID pay off after all. Now I get to mock people who can't type without looking at the keyboard.

Don't worry, I'm computer illiterate, not stupid...at least I hope I'm not...

How would turning off the screen stop you from looking at the keyboard?

Oh, you're not, are you not? I turn my back for a day and a half and what do I find when I finally get caught up on this yak-chat? I find you making time with some...some...Dame!! You think she lacks mercy? What till I get my hands on you, you two-timing little-- *taps fingernails angrily on keyboard* ...fuffle, he says... humph... *taptaptaptap...*
wait...what's happening now? How did I get involved in this? :confused:

Very well. Ahem.

ONCE upon a time, in the early 90s I think it was, in NYC, at about 5 pm, my friends and I were commuting home on the E train (subway) from Manhattan to Queens. The train was crowded but not insanely so. All seats were full, many people were standing. My party were all in a circle, holding onto one of the car's central posts.

Now, you should understand that I have a maniac magnet implanted in my head. It attracts maniacs to me. I've lost count of how many invisible friends I've been introduced to and how many interplanetary plots have been explained to me. But at least the magnet has a maniac proximity detector attached to it, and this detector was going orange alert in my head. Ding-ding-ding = maniac in the vicinity. So I snuck a peak 'round, and I spotted him.

The seats on this train were arranged in ells of 3 seats and 2 seats. He was sitting in the middle of the 3-seat section directly behind me and my friend "R". He was a weedy, sandy-haired specimen, skinny, dressed in a yellowish tweed suit, white shirt, yellow tie, brown wingtip shoes, and he had a leather satchel sitting on the floor between his feet, one of those hard-sided old-fashioned ones where just the top opens up. And he was staring at us ladies very, very intently. Very intently.

As I watched him from the corner of my eye, he opened the satchel. I could see it was completely full of what looked like two reams of white paper. He carefully pulled out one sheet, reached forward, tapped R on the elbow, and when she looked round, he handed her the paper.

There was nothing on the paper except, floating in the middle of the page, a grid about 1 inch by 1/2 inch, consisting of six squares. Although I didn't see the other papers, I am prepared to bet any amount of money that every single sheet was a copy of this. R just looked at it for a moment, so the man volunteered some instructions, saying (this is exactly what he said; I will never forget it):

"By changing the colors in the grid, you can control the frequency and raise or lower the intensity level. But you have to be careful because if you choose the wrong colors, the people you love can get hurt." And to drive this important point home, he added: "For instance, I could increase the intensity level on this train, and then people would get hurt."

And let me tell you, he was already increasing the intensity level on that train pretty good, especially for the two people sitting on either side of him, who looked a bit like this: :eek:>maniac<:eek:

So R, who had experience with maniacs, from living in NYC and from hanging around with me and my magnet, took the paper and without folding it slipped it into the document folder she was carrying (which is what probably attracted his attention in the first place), and turned her back on him without saying a word. Of course, I kept my eyeball positively plastered on this loon, so I saw him think about and struggle with her reaction for a bit, but finally, he seemed to decide it was the right reaction, and he sat back in his seat and then got off at the next stop. And the intensity went down noticeably.

TWO WEEKS LATER

R and I are again commuting home on the E train. The train is way more crowded this time. We are pressed up against the back of some big bruiser of a guy who is reading the Daily News, and we are reading it, too, me over his right shoulder and her over his left shoulder. And there we see an article about an assault committed the previous day against CBS News anchorman Dan Rather. The headline says something like "CBS's Rather Attacked" and the sub-head says something about a deranged man arrested, and there's a picture of Dan Rather and a picture of his assailant -- and, yes, you are probably psychic, because R and I both leaped back and cried to each other, "Holy shit! It's Mr. Intensity Level!"

Here is what apparently happened: Security guards at the Paley Building (CBS headquarters) were aware of a sketchy character loitering out front the building, but aside from making sure he stayed off the part that was actually owned by CBS, they couldn't do much about it, as he wasn't bothering anyone. That is, until Dan Rather left work for the day. As soon as he saw Rather, he ran up to him, trying to hand him something, and when Rather tried to get away, the man attacked him. He just started punching and pummeling Rather, beating the crap out of him, until the security guards pulled him off. The whole time he was pummeling Rather, he was shouting over and over the apparently rhetorical question, "What's the frequency, Kenneth?"

From later reports over the next few weeks, we learned that the man, who was pronounced psychotic by the doctors at Bellevue and committed by the state without a trial, was known to have been stalking and harrassing news people for many years. After investigating his history, the NYPD declared him the most likely suspect in the as-yet unsolved murder of a news cameraman more than 15 years earlier. Tell that part of the story to your small children at night.

But this is a NYC story, so of course, no matter how terrifying and tragic, it still has a little bit of a punchline.

See, although nowadays, everybody sympathizes with Dan Rather for the shabby way his retirement was handled, back then Dan Rather was The Most Hated Celebrity (tm) in NYC because, you know, he's such a pompous ass. And I swear to you that, for 2 years after the Mr. Intensity Level attack, Dan Rather could not walk the city streets without some joker coming up behind him or driving by in traffic and shouting, "Yo, Dan! What's the frequency? Heh-heh."

And then REM put out their song "What's the Frequency, Kenneth" (somewhat late and already trite, since Hall & Oates had already put out a song about the 23rd & Ely subway slasher years before), which effectively put an end to that little drama.

And they lived happily ever after.

This story is certified 100% true.
LOL That's great. Now I know what the future holds for me. More or less. I already cause high-tension situations like that.

:eek: indeed! I guess great minds DO think alike. ;)
I'm tempted to maintain that only one of us has a great mind, but my ego thinks it can manage to permit it this time.:D (No offence intended; I'm sure you do have a great mind, Lady)

I'm tempted to maintain that only one of us has a great mind, but my ego thinks it can manage to permit it this time.:D (No offence intended; I'm sure you do have a great mind, Lady)

*poke*

as long as you admit that you turned it off and not blaiming the system/network/Information Services...

type away... and may I say how talented you are in typing with your screen off. I know of only a few handful of people who can do that.
Except for maybe you, I don't know anyone who can. Aside from her, I don't know anyone who'd want to.

My friend says he does the Christopher Columbus method. "Discover, land and expect to land on the wrong place."

and to me, there really is no such thing as Computer Illiterate. you either want to learn or you don't.
Learning about computers is annoying when you first get started, especially when the people you're learning from are teenage geeks who love the chance to show off, and throws at you every technical big word they can think of. I remember staring at them in complete confusion because I had no idea wtf they were talking about. After that, I just gave up trying to learn from people and started screwing around with computers by myself. I actually learned more this way (even though I ended up crashing more than a couple *sweatdrop*).
the key test for those people are the ones who insist on someone going up to their office to turn on their pc. (yes, I get those too.)
O_O People need you to turn on their PCs for them? I stand by my statement that the world is doomed.

*poke*
:confused: Confusion!:confused:
Care to explain the poke?

Learning about computers is annoying when you first get started, especially when the people you're learning from are teenage geeks who love the chance to show off, and throws at you every technical big word they can think of. I remember staring at them in complete confusion because I had no idea wtf they were talking about. After that, I just gave up trying to learn from people and started screwing around with computers by myself. I actually learned more this way (even though I ended up crashing more than a couple *sweatdrop*).it was probably more them trying to impress the lovely (and sexy) lady that's asking them for help.

O_O People need you to turn on their PCs for them? I stand by my statement that the world is doomed.you didn't read my earlier ones about the monitor that was off, or the "where is the spacebar" stories, did you?

it was probably more them trying to impress the lovely (and sexy) lady that's asking them for help.

Definitely. You've seen her, right?

I'm tempted to maintain that only one of us has a great mind, but my ego thinks it can manage to permit it this time.:D (No offence intended; I'm sure you do have a great mind, Lady)
But if you're insistant that only one of us has a great mind, I have no problem with it, since we both know it's me. ;)

:confused: Confusion!:confused:
Care to explain the poke?

You're suspicious. O_<

Definitely. You've seen her, right?
I'm getting a great image from her posts. :D

But if you're insistant that only one of us has a great mind, I have no problem with it, since we both know it's me. ;)

I second the motion.

My friend says he does the Christopher Columbus method. "Discover, land and expect to land on the wrong place."

and to me, there really is no such thing as Computer Illiterate. you either want to learn or you don't.

the key test for those people are the ones who insist on someone going up to their office to turn on their pc. (yes, I get those too.)
Learning? Someone mentioned learning? Oh, right. Learning's good. I like to learn. Hmm? Computers? Yes, yes, they're quite good, too. Great with the whole learning theme. Don't know quite what you mean with the Columbus method. Does he expect every key he pushes to be the wrong one?

I'm getting a great image from her posts. :D

Bwahaha...She's a sight, I'll garauntee you that much.

Learning? Someone mentioned learning? Oh, right. Learning's good. I like to learn. Hmm? Computers? Yes, yes, they're quite good, too. Great with the whole learning theme. Don't know quite what you mean with the Columbus method. Does he expect every key he pushes to be the wrong one?

It's more of a "bunch of monkeys writing a play" sort of thing.

Learning? Someone mentioned learning? Oh, right. Learning's good. I like to learn. Hmm? Computers? Yes, yes, they're quite good, too. Great with the whole learning theme. Don't know quite what you mean with the Columbus method. Does he expect every key he pushes to be the wrong one?
nope, think of the hunt and peck method of typing.

wait...what's happening now? How did I get involved in this? :confused:
I don't think she meant you. I think she meant another female...oh, nevermind. Just don't worry about it.

it was probably more them trying to impress the lovely (and sexy) lady that's asking them for help.

you didn't read my earlier ones about the monitor that was off, or the "where is the spacebar" stories, did you?
I did read the stories...but how do you not know how to turn on a computer? YOU PRESS A BUTTON!

nope, think of the hunt and peck method of typing.

Bwahaha...I've advanced and adapted the method...behold...The ten finger hunt-and-peck!

I did read the stories...but how do you know know how to turn on a computer? YOU PRESS A BUTTON!

Wellll...If the little light's not on, you mightn't see it. :p

Learning about computers is annoying when you first get started, especially when the people you're learning from are teenage geeks who love the chance to show off, and throws at you every technical big word they can think of. I remember staring at them in complete confusion because I had no idea wtf they were talking about. After that, I just gave up trying to learn from people and started screwing around with computers by myself. I actually learned more this way (even though I ended up crashing more than a couple *sweatdrop*).

O_O People need you to turn on their PCs for them? I stand by my statement that the world is doomed.
All these years I've been waiting for someone to second my conclusion. And you're the *counts really, really high* You are the twenty-third. Nothing quite beats firsthand experience.

it was probably more them trying to impress the lovely (and sexy) lady that's asking them for help.
Ooo, good point, Mr. Smoothtalker.;)

Definitely. You've seen her, right?
Ooo, ooo, I have, I have! VERY lovely. Sure, sure, sexy, too. But lovely is more important to me. *shrugs*

I did read the stories...but how do you not know how to turn on a computer? YOU PRESS A BUTTON!
hey... it's simple for you. but some computers have TWO buttons. A power button as well as a Reset button.

add to that the monitors tend to have a OMD, contrast, brightness as well as power...

you're asking alot for some of these PEBCAK's

All these years I've been waiting for someone to second my conclusion. And you're the *counts really, really high* You are the twenty-third. Nothing quite beats firsthand experience.
Wonderful, I'm going to go learn how to use nukes firsthand now! *skips away whistling "I'm a little teapot short and stout"*

Ooo, ooo, I have, I have! VERY lovely. Sure, sure, sexy, too. But lovely is more important to me. *shrugs*

*shrug* Aye, that's true. Well, it varies. Girl by girl basis. Dana, for example, is drop-dead gorgeous, while Ally is an intellectual equal.