NationStates Jolt Archive

Just a brief browsing of these forums reveals that by far most of you are not Christians or practice Christianity, and those of you that do are merely pretenders, charletans trying to lure people away from the true message of Jesus Christ, our Lord. I say to you all: come to our Lord, hear his message and believe in it, or face eternal damnation in the fiery pits of Hell!

Jesussaves did it better dude, sorry. Hmm, mayhaps a bit more of fire and brimstone will it get up to par.

Just a brief browsing of these forums reveals that by far most of you are not Christians or practice Christianity, and those of you that do are merely pretenders, charletans trying to lure people away from the true message of Jesus Christ, our Lord. I say to you all: come to our Lord, hear his message and believe in it, or face eternal damnation in the fiery pits of Hell!
Or, you know, not and live a fufilling life with a God-believing yet quite secular life and not randomly condemn people to hell as everyone joins together and sing in harmony.

:)

When you have peace on Earth, who needs heaven? Well...then again I picture myself in a giant boiling pot in hell saying that.

*Yawn*

Tell me something new.

When you have peace on Earth, who needs heaven? Well...then again I picture myself in a giant boiling pot in hell saying that.
Perish the thought! I'm sure the Devil will come up with something far more interesting for you, Colodia. Possibly forcing you to read NS without positing forever. ;)

Just a brief browsing of these forums reveals that by far most of you are not Christians or practice Christianity, and those of you that do are merely pretenders, charletans trying to lure people away from the true message of Jesus Christ, our Lord. I say to you all: come to our Lord, hear his message and believe in it, or face eternal damnation in the fiery pits of Hell!

I am actually Roman Catholic, and go to mass every Saturday night. Instead of condeming people to Hell (which you shouldn't do anyways, you know, thou shall not judge), why not help your fellow man? Do you really follow the teachings of Jesus Christ? Jesus taught me to love, to care, and to help my fellow man. He also taught me about living a simple and peaceful life. The final thing that he taught me was that as Christians we must let the people come to us. Remember when the children wanted to see Jesus? The children came to him, he didn't force the children to come, he let them come.

My philosophy is that I let people live their lives the way they want to live them, and they do the same for me. At the end, I let God and Jesus sort it all out. All I can do is be the best Catholic that I can be.

What have Jesus Christ taught you?

Or, you know, not and live a fufilling life with a God-believing yet quite secular life and not randomly condemn people to hell as everyone joins together and sing in harmony.

:)

When you have peace on Earth, who needs heaven? Well...then again I picture myself in a giant boiling pot in hell saying that.
Who needs heaven?! We should be grateful our Lord has given us the opportunity to seek redemption and to forgive our sins. One should live a life devoted to God or else he shall burn for eternity. Hell is full of sinners just like you who refused to accept our Lord and they are now suffering pain and agony like no mortal could ever concieve!

someone is behind the times...

christianity has gone out of style. the kids are all worshiping the flying spaghetti monster these days.....

I'm going to Hell? Excellent. That's where all my friends are going; Heaven would be boring.

Yer Sole Wil Bern In Hellll!!!!!!!!!

someone is behind the times...

christianity has gone out of style. the kids are all worshiping the flying spaghetti monster these days.....

But I thought it was Chuck Norris.

Just a brief browsing of these forums reveals that by far most of you are not Christians or practice Christianity, and those of you that do are merely pretenders, charletans trying to lure people away from the true message of Jesus Christ, our Lord. I say to you all: come to our Lord, hear his message and believe in it, or face eternal damnation in the fiery pits of Hell!

thats a great way to bring people to christ try to be loveing...you know like christ was, you may actualy statrt to see a change.

I am actually Roman Catholic, and go to mass every Saturday night. Instead of condeming people to Hell (which you shouldn't do anyways, you know, thou shall not judge), why not help your fellow man? Do you really follow the teachings of Jesus Christ? Jesus taught me to love, to care, and to help my fellow man. He also taught me about living a simple and peaceful life. The final thing that he taught me was that as Christians we must let the people come to us. Remember when the children wanted to see Jesus? The children came to him, he didn't force the children to come, he let them come.

My philosophy is that I let people live their lives the way they want to live them, and they do the same for me. At the end, I let God and Jesus sort it all out. All I can do is be the best Catholic that I can be.

What have Jesus Christ taught you?
Jesus Christ has taught me that if I do not live a life free of sin I shall burn in Hell. I am not judging. I am warning them. I do not wish to see people damned to Hell, but if they will not listen, they will pay the price.

...oookay. Whose puppet is this? Straughn? Is that you?

Jesus Christ has taught me that if I do not live a life free of sin I shall burn in Hell. I am not judging. I am warning them. I do not wish to see people damned to Hell, but if they will not listen, they will pay the price.
*Cautiously extends a needle toward the Happy Christian Bubble* ... Jesus Christ doesn't exist.

I do not wish to see people damned to Hell

Then why do you worship a deity so cruel and narcissistic that mere disbelief inspires Him to do exactly that, for eternity?

Jesus Christ has taught me that if I do not live a life free of sin I shall burn in Hell. I am not judging. I am warning them. I do not wish to see people damned to Hell, but if they will not listen, they will pay the price.
The price? You mean a case of beer and $20?!

Jesus Christ has taught me that if I do not live a life free of sin I shall burn in Hell. I am not judging. I am warning them. I do not wish to see people damned to Hell, but if they will not listen, they will pay the price.

You can rant about fires and brimstone until the cows come home, but ultimately it's up to the person if they want to come to Christ. You can't force them. Also, to drag up another old saying, you'll attract more flies with honey than vinger.

...oookay. Whose puppet is this? Straughn? Is that you?
As far as puppets go, it's not very amusing.

*Cautiously extends a needle toward the Happy Christian Bubble* ... Jesus Christ doesn't exist.
...do not speak such blasphemy in my presence again. You are an agent of Satan himself, sent to destroy people of faith and lead them to Hell.

Wilgrove: Perhaps. But honey often attracts those unwilling to be truly pious. Warning them of what they face, I believe, is a better option.

As far as puppets go, it's not very amusing.
I think it's hilarious, but then, I was unfortunately absent during Jesussaves' reign.

...do not speak such blasphemy in my presence again. You are an agent of Satan himself, sent to destroy people of faith and lead them to Hell.

Wilgrove: Perhaps. But honey often attracts those unwilling to be truly pious. Warning them of what they face, I believe, is a better option.

Why don't you try approaching people with Love, Understanding and Peace?

i sugjust that we stop feeding the troll

i sugjust that we stop feeding the troll

Yea, but then our fun stop.

Jesus Christ has taught me that if I do not live a life free of sin I shall burn in Hell. I am not judging. I am warning them. I do not wish to see people damned to Hell, but if they will not listen, they will pay the price.no one is free of sin. Even Jesus didn't claim to be free of sin, or else he would have cast the first stone...
Oh, and stating "you will go to hell" is a judgement, not a warning. Unless you are God, you are in no such place to determine who will or will not go to hell.

Jesus has personally taught me to beware of angry Romans with hammers.

I think it's hilarious, but then, I was unfortunately absent during Jesussaves' reign.
He's trying too hard though, I mean "Agent of Satan himself"? I liked the "do not speak such blasphemy in my presence again" bit though, THAT was good.

The price? You mean a case of beer and $20?!

Wow, first Sluggy reference I've ever seen on here.

If only I had the 9 hours needed to get up to date again :(

Just a brief browsing of these forums reveals that by far most of you are not Christians or practice Christianity, and those of you that do are merely pretenders, charletans trying to lure people away from the true message of Jesus Christ, our Lord. I say to you all: come to our Lord, hear his message and believe in it, or face eternal damnation in the fiery pits of Hell!

Wow, your logical, well-articulated, grammatically correct, compassionate argument nearly won me over.

Or I'm a lying heathen. One or the other.

He's trying too hard though, I mean "Agent of Satan himself"? I liked the "do not speak such blasphemy in my presence again" bit though, THAT was good.
I don't know...it just lacked that...zing that Jesussaves had.

http://i3.photobucket.com/albums/y77/havoc88/wiyg.jpg

Wow, first Sluggy reference I've ever seen on here.
Nifty, ain't it? :D

He's trying too hard though, I mean "Agent of Satan himself"? I liked the "do not speak such blasphemy in my presence again" bit though, THAT was good.
Could be it's someone who lacks the ability to tell a good joke for the most part and thus is attempting to achieve by putting in too much effort.

Or not. I dunno.

What I don't understand is why people like the OP just can't try the Love, Understanding, and Peace angle. I mean Jesus never condemed anyone to Hell.

Why don't you try approaching people with Love, Understanding and Peace?
It does not work. We can see it in the Middle East, where wars are constantly waged. They are approached with peace offerings and it does not appease them. Only by truly showing them what they face do we convince them.

...do not speak such blasphemy in my presence again. You are an agent of Satan himself, sent to destroy people of faith and lead them to Hell.
That's right. You found me out. Satan is my one true master; I have given him my immortal soul in exchange for material wealth and power in this world.

In Nomine Dei Nostri Satanas Luciferi Excelsi!

HAHAHHAHAHA!!! By reading those words you have allowed Satan to enter you! Soon you will become just like me!! Your savior can't help you now! He couldn't even help himself!

Now, to begin your training as a Satanist, you must attend the Black Mass every weekend. We take hard drugs, have orgies, perform a great deal of sodomy, and then if our lusts are not sated, we take to the streets and find a few Christians to burn alive.

HAIL SATAN!

I don't know...it just lacked that...zing that Jesussaves had.
None have ever managed to recapture that zing, alas!

It does not work. We can see it in the Middle East, where wars are constantly waged. They are approached with peace offerings and it does not appease them. Only by truly showing them what they face do we convince them.

Yea, but have YOU try the love, peace, understanding angle?

and you know, I find your nation's name very ironic.

None have ever managed to recapture that zing, alas!
At least he's approaching it. It might not have the same flavor, but it's still pretty good.

Jesus taught me that long hair was cool
Wine was better than water
and that the Toga was the thing to wear to parties

Oh, and never under any circumstances let a bunch of angry people nail me to a big hunk of wood.

Could be it's someone who lacks the ability to tell a good joke for the most part and thus is attempting to achieve by putting in too much effort.

Or not. I dunno.
No, I'd say you hit it square on the head.

That's right. You found me out. Satan is my one true master; I have given him my immortal soul in exchange for material wealth and power in this world.

In Nomine Dei Nostri Satanas Luciferi Excelsi!

HAHAHHAHAHA!!! By reading those words you have allowed Satan to enter you! Soon you will become just like me!! Your savior can't help you now! He couldn't even help himself!

Now, to begin your training as a Satanist, you must attend the Black Mass every weekend. We take hard drugs, have orgies, perform a great deal of sodomy, and then if our lusts are not sated, we take to the streets and find a few Christians to burn alive.

HAIL SATAN!
Blasphemer! Leave my presence. You disgust me.

Wilgrove: I did, once. I was met with disdain and even violence. Surely, if we are to convince sinners, we must meet them with their own tactics. They will not listen to anything else.

It does not work. We can see it in the Middle East, where wars are constantly waged. They are approached with peace offerings and it does not appease them. Only by truly showing them what they face do we convince them.

"Blessed be the peacemakers, for they shall inherit the earth."

"You have heard that it has been said, 'An eye for an eye and a tooth for a tooth. But I say to you, offer no resistance to the wicked man. But anyone who hits you on your right cheek, turn to him the other as well."

An interesting Christian you are.

It does not work. We can see it in the Middle East, where wars are constantly waged. They are approached with peace offerings and it does not appease them. Only by truly showing them what they face do we convince them.
Query: Does this include the Christians in that area who are also waging war for Jesus?

What I don't understand is why people like the OP just can't try the Love, Understanding, and Peace angle. I mean Jesus never condemed anyone to Hell.
Well, Jesus was also a Jew, and Jews don't have the well-defined hell of Christians. We have the Popes and Dante to thank for that.

Now, to begin your training as a Satanist, you must attend the Black Mass every weekend. We take hard drugs, have orgies, perform a great deal of sodomy, and then if our lusts are not sated, we take to the streets and find a few Christians to burn alive.But are there cookies?

None have ever managed to recapture that zing, alas!We need to find someone with the divine spark, methinks.

No, I'd say you hit it square on the head.
Well, if that's the case, we'll just pat the dude on the back whenever he fesses up or the mods show up to tell everyone who he is. Or something. He's amused me, which is good enough.

At least he's approaching it. It might not have the same flavor, but it's still pretty good.
He's starting to get his feet under him, that's for sure.

But are there cookies?
There are special cookies served at every orgy that give you deliciously sinful homosexual urges.

Blasphemer! Leave my presence. You disgust me.

Wilgrove: I did, once. I was met with disdain and even violence. Surely, if we are to convince sinners, we must meet them with their own tactics. They will not listen to anything else.


I like the way you think.

It does not work. We can see it in the Middle East, where wars are constantly waged. They are approached with peace offerings and it does not appease them. Only by truly showing them what they face do we convince them.

You are assuming you are right. What if Allah is the one true God and they are trying to show you what you face?

Sodomy and orgies?

Throw in some free liquor and I'm in. But I want to be the one on the altar dammit! I'm not letting some other hussy hone in on my time to shine!

"Blessed be the peacemakers, for they shall inherit the earth."

"You have heard that it has been said, 'An eye for an eye and a tooth for a tooth. But I say to you, offer no resistance to the wicked man. But anyone who hits you on your right cheek, turn to him the other as well."

An interesting Christian you are.
Do not attempt to sway me. Christianity is different in the here and now. In this day and age, peace gets no one nowhere. It does not work. It never succeeds. A forceful method of conversion MUST be used if sinners will listen. Anything else fails.

At least he's approaching it. It might not have the same flavor, but it's still pretty good.
needs some paprika.

There are special cookies served at every orgy that give you deliciously sinful homosexual urges.
I'm trying to imagine Kebler marketing such a cookie, and I keep coming up with Elf Yaoi! Damn you!










:p

needs some paprika.
Give him time. He'll get it down. A true satiric puppet takes work.

Wilgrove: I did, once. I was met with disdain and even violence. Surely, if we are to convince sinners, we must meet them with their own tactics. They will not listen to anything else.

There is only one way you can convince me, a proud sinner, to become a Christian - persuade me that God is, in reality, a freedom-loving anarchist who is brutally distorted by pretty much all forms of organized religion, and that the Christian formulation comes closest to expressing this truth. In my theistic momemts, I already lean towards the first part of this; your main task is to convince me of the second one.

Of course, that also means that you will have to give up your advocacy of Hell, and also your (assumed) opposition to homosexuality, pre-marital sex, blasphemy, heresy, atheism, non-Christianity, etc.

Do not attempt to sway me. Christianity is different in the here and now. In this day and age, peace gets no one nowhere. It does not work. It never succeeds. A forceful method of conversion MUST be used if sinners will listen. Anything else fails.
Those who live by the sword, must die by the sword.

Christianity is different in the here and now.

Because you say so? How arrogant of you. God does not change His mind.

Jesus was very explicit. If you do not accept His words, you are nothing more than a disgusting heretic, by your own system of belief.

Do not attempt to sway me. Christianity is different in the here and now. In this day and age, peace gets no one nowhere. It does not work. It never succeeds. A forceful method of conversion MUST be used if sinners will listen. Anything else fails.
As opposed to where it got Jesus...

ya know, that whole "ass nailed to a cross" thing? Yeah...

Give him time. He'll get it down. A true satiric puppet takes work.
Usually bad spelling is a must.

needs some paprika.
Ok, I'll bite, why paprika?

You are assuming you are right. What if Allah is the one true God and they are trying to show you what you face?
Of course I am right. I have seen our Lord in my dreams. I have been touched by his presence. I pity the Muslims. They follow a faith that has been twisted, changed. I hope that they come to realize that Jesus Christ was truly the Son of God, not just a prophet.

Soheran: If you will not be swayed, then you will not be swayed. I can only preach. I cannot truly force you to believe.

There is only one way you can convince me, a proud sinner, to become a Christian - persuade me that God is, in reality, a freedom-loving anarchist who is brutally distorted by pretty much all forms of organized religion, and that the Christian formulation comes closest to expressing this truth. In my theistic momemts, I already lean towards the first part of this; your main task is to convince me of the second one.

Of course, that also means that you will have to give up your advocacy of Hell, and also your (assumed) opposition to homosexuality, pre-marital sex, blasphemy, heresy, atheism, non-Christianity, etc.


Of course god is an anarchist! God is in actuality a crazy-woman. A collection of chaotic forces if you will, that we have given the name Eris.

She's fun too!

Give him time. He'll get it down. A true satiric puppet takes work.
he is picking up a bit. Some more trials by fire, and we may just have a new world-class puppet.

Usually bad spelling is a must.
Nah. I think it just makes it that much more hilarious when we see that he takes the time to ensure proper grammar but can't realize what an idiot he is with his "faith." But then, that's just me. I'm all for juxtoposition humor.

Ok, I'll bite, why paprika?
well a) it has a nice little bite and zing to it and b)I think the word sounds funny.

Soheran: If you will not be swayed, then you will not be swayed. I can only preach. I cannot truly force you to believe.
Didn't you just say that we had to convert by the sword because love and leading by example doesn't work?

You get visions? Do you do faith healing too? Cuz I have these callouses on my feet that just won't go away.

Wilgrove: I did, once. I was met with disdain and even violence. Surely, if we are to convince sinners, we must meet them with their own tactics. They will not listen to anything else.

Yea, your way is working sooo well. :rolleyes:

Eh... I give it a so-so for trolling behaviour. Some of the lines are quite good, but it lacks Jesussaves' comic misspellings or any other comically redeeming quality.

I give it a 5/10, but a good effort alltogether...

Now I'll play along:

Any God who would condemn people for realizing that there is no evidence of his existence (as so many Fundies like to tell us) and choosing to dissbeleive rather than beleive is a cruel, pityless peice of crap and really doesn't deserve respect or worship anyway.

I'd rather go to hell than deal with the great (im)moral dictator in the sky for eternity. THAT would be eternal torment.

God is a fucked up sadist.

Of course I am right. I have seen our Lord in my dreams. I have been touched by his presence. I pity the Muslims. They follow a faith that has been twisted, changed. I hope that they come to realize that Jesus Christ was truly the Son of God, not just a prophet.


May I direct you to your previous post of "christianity is different in the here and now".

well a) it has a nice little bite and zing to it and b)I think the word sounds funny.
Works for me, works for me. I've never been a big fan of paprika though.

Didn't you just say that we had to convert by the sword because love and leading by example doesn't work?
That is not what I meant. By forceful conversion, I meant a method of preaching that lays it out perfectly, not true violence. Violence is abhorrant. Be forceful with your words, not your fists.

Soheran: If you will not be swayed, then you will not be swayed. I can only preach. I cannot truly force you to believe.
and you were doing so well!


see, you should have called him a homosexual, feminazi sinner and thrown some brimstone at him. Maybe even have taken some biblical quotes out of context.

You get visions? Do you do faith healing too? Cuz I have these callouses on my feet that just won't go away.
Silly, God has given you those for a purpose that you can't understand and to question His judgment is to invite His wrath. Now, you must never look at pornography, make sure you are surrounded by True Christians (tm) at all times, and pray alot.

That is not what I meant. By forceful conversion, I meant a method of preaching that lays it out perfectly, not true violence. Violence is abhorrant. Be forceful with your words, not your fists.
But you said that laying peace offerings will not get you anywhere, how does angry words suceed in winning converts as opposed to talking about Him as he was, a Man who came and loved all irregardless of who and what they were?

and you were doing so well!


see, you should have called him a homosexual, feminazi sinner and thrown some brimstone at him. Maybe even have taken some biblical quotes out of context.
Your attempts to "correct" me or in any other way alter how I shall preach the true faith will fail.

This is hilarious, believe what you want to believe, but don't force it on others. (P.S. I'm a Socialist, I do not believe in a higher power, if you pray for something and don't put any effort into it, don't expect it to magically be finished.)

Works for me, works for me. I've never been a big fan of paprika though.
roll the R...it makes it twice as fun.

Eh... I give it a so-so for trolling behaviour. Some of the lines are quite good, but it lacks Jesussaves' comic misspellings or any other comically redeeming quality.

I give it a 5/10, but a good effort alltogether...

only 5/10, and he's trying so hard! I feel ashamed for him. :(

Your attempts to "correct" me or in any other way alter how I shall preach the true faith will fail.
Come on man! Hit us with some better lines than that!

No pornography? Darn. Can I still look at the boys at the gym?

Just for reference I'm not a gay male, I'm phallically-challenged

roll the R...it makes it twice as fun.
That could be it. I haven't heard a properly rolled R on over 4 months. :(

Your attempts to "correct" me or in any other way alter how I shall preach the true faith will fail.

I'm just taking a wild guess here, but you're Baptist aren't ya?

No pornography? Darn. Can I still look at the boys at the gym?

Just for reference I'm not a gay male, I'm phallically-challenged
Oh you're gonna have loads of fun on General.

Your attempts to "correct" me or in any other way alter how I shall preach the true faith will fail.
psht...see if I try to make you a stronger troll.

By the way, define "true faith" There are countless Christian sects, let alone Jewish and Muslim, which follow the same "God"

Someone call Pat Robertson or something, this isn't as much fun to play with. *sulk*

only 5/10, and he's trying so hard! I feel ashamed for him. :(

That's part of the problem. Trolling is a subtle art. You can't just force it to happen. You just pick a niche and write whatever sounds funniest to you. If you spend too much time thinking about it, it starts to sound forced.

Do not attempt to sway me. Christianity is different in the here and now. In this day and age, peace gets no one nowhere. It does not work. It never succeeds. A forceful method of conversion MUST be used if sinners will listen. Anything else fails.

Ah yes, a follower of the Constantine method, conversion by the sword.

Someday one of these christians will actually read his/her bible and realize that the mythical Jesus they worship would be disgusted by their behavior. Then again, they are following the nature of their imagined god with petulant jealousy, violent temper tantrums and intellectual incompetance.

I'm just taking a wild guess here, but you're Baptist aren't ya?
Yes, I am a Baptist.

23Eris: Please do not speak of homosexual acts in my presence. They are disgusting to an extreme, and I do not wish to hear of them.

Oh you're gonna have loads of fun on General.

How so?

That could be it. I haven't heard a properly rolled R on over 4 months. :(
Yeah, Japanese doesn't seem like a language that rolls R's...or has R's for that matter........yeah.............

That's part of the problem. Trolling is a subtle art. You can't just force it to happen. You just pick a niche and write whatever sounds funniest to you. If you spend too much time thinking about it, it starts to sound forced.
It's hard to be subtle. I should know. I tried trolling up a place once. It was rather pathetic, really.

...come to think of it, this seems almost like something someone I know would try.

...Jake? Is that you?

Yes, I am a Baptist.

23Eris: Please do not speak of homosexual acts in my presence. They are disgusting to an extreme, and I do not wish to hear of them.

I win!

Jeez how did I know that this was the inane ramblings of a Baptist? :rolleyes:

What? You don't want to hear about a guy lubing up another guy? Or a girl rubbing her body up against another girl?

If you don't like the second, are you sure you're a male?

Soheran: If you will not be swayed, then you will not be swayed. I can only preach. I cannot truly force you to believe.

No, you cannot. Nobody can. The thing is, I am free. And so are you. And so is every other human being. Maybe it's because of Adam and Eve's eating of the Forbidden Fruit, maybe it's God's gift to us, maybe God doesn't exist at all and that's why, but we are free. And though God might try to get in the way, He is irrelevant. We don't have to listen to Him; He either can't or won't make us.

So why? What's the point? Just because He threatens you with eternal damnation?

How so?
Your posts seem interesting and your comments will quickly gather you a small fan club should you keep them up.

I didn't mean you're going to have trouble, I mean you'll have a lot of fun on General. ;)

It's hard to be subtle. I should know. I tried trolling up a place once. It was rather pathetic, really.

...come to think of it, this seems almost like something someone I know would try.

...Jake? Is that you?
Sorry, you got the wrong person. I believe Jake is me.

What? You don't want to hear about a guy lubing up another guy? Or a girl rubbing her body up against another girl?

If you don't like the second, are you sure you're a male?
Such acts are abhorrant and disgusting. A homosexual in hell suffers one of the most horrid punishments of all. I cannot describe it, for no language can truly give word to the agony they face, but face it they do.

Yeah, Japanese doesn't seem like a language that rolls R's...or has R's for that matter........yeah.............
I know, having to explain over and over again at lunch that we really don't want to eat lice!

Such acts are abhorrant and disgusting. A homosexual in hell suffers one of the most horrid punishments of all. I cannot describe it, for no language can truly give word to the agony they face, but face it they do.

You sat on a Cucumber didn't ya?

Such acts are abhorrant and disgusting. A homosexual in hell suffers one of the most horrid punishments of all. I cannot describe it, for no language can truly give word to the agony they face, but face it they do.
Oh boy. Now he's waving the red flag!

Still, 7 pages with 13 posts for a puppet, not bad.

1. The real TRUTH is that the universe was created by purple people eaters. I had a vision from the Purple People Eater God, and he told me this was so.

2. Jesus is a false god, you should stop worshiping gods what dont exist. The Purple People Eater God is the one true god. His daughters died for your sins. They were hacked up piece by peice and eaten by the Green Eater of Purple People Eaters. Thats a fate worse than being nailed to some pussy cross for a little bit.

3. The Purple People Eater God loves you so much! Why must you make him cry like this by worshiping this false god named "jesus"? HE LOVES YOU MORE THAN ANYTHING, NO MATTER HOW MUCH YOU HAVE SINNED!

4. If you dont accept the Purple People Eater God as your savior, you will spend eternity being tortured.

5. Questioning the visions from the Purple People Eater God will result in you burning in hell. The Purple People Eater God exists, but if you ever try to test his existance, he will hide it.

What? You don't want to hear about a guy lubing up another guy? Or a girl rubbing her body up against another girl?

If you don't like the second, are you sure you're a male?
keep going...I'm almost there...

sorry, I couldn't resist.

So why? What's the point? Just because He threatens you with eternal damnation?A cosmic spanking hurts so good.

I know, having to explain over and over again at lunch that we really don't want to eat lice!so I was watching an episode of Drawn Together, and they have the asian character reading an eye chart...it has all "L"'s on it, and the character keeps saying "R"

Being a baptist, it's likely you know very well what the punishments are like. Worse than being a catholic alterboy I'd wager.

PS When does Pascal's wager come into this lame arguement?

No, you cannot. Nobody can. The thing is, I am free. And so are you. And so is every other human being. Maybe it's because of Adam and Eve's eating of the Forbidden Fruit, maybe it's God's gift to us, maybe God doesn't exist at all and that's why, but we are free. And though God might try to get in the way, He is irrelevant. We don't have to listen to Him; He either can't or won't make us.

So why? What's the point? Just because He threatens you with eternal damnation?
Eternal damnation is something no one should want to face. You simply do not understand what you are talking about, what you will face in Hell when you die. Sins are not punished lightly. Nay, they are punished harshly, for Satan delights in being as cruel as possible to the lost souls in his grasp.

It's hard to be subtle. I should know. I tried trolling up a place once. It was rather pathetic, really.

...come to think of it, this seems almost like something someone I know would try.

...Jake? Is that you?

I've always wanted to run a troll, but I've never had the backbone. For a while I kicked around the concept of doing a Fundamentalist Scientologist, but I decided that I couldn't afford to purchase the information needed to effectively play the part.

Besides, on NSG it's impossible to be convincingly Trollish with anything other than a Right-wing Theo-con type troll. We actually beleive the far left trolls beleive what they are talking about.

Being a baptist, it's likely you know very well what the punishments are like. Worse than being a catholic alterboy I'd wager.

PS When does Pascal's wager come into this lame arguement?

Who or what is Pascal's wager?

I've always wanted to run a troll, but I've never had the backbone. For a while I kicked around the concept of doing a Fundamentalist Scientologist, but I decided that I couldn't afford to purchase the information needed to effectively play the part.

Besides, on NSG it's impossible to be convincingly Trollish with anything other than a Right-wing Theo-con type troll. We actually beleive the far left trolls beleive what they are talking about.
True. It's almost a shame that way, because it means we see so many people who are more or less the same. Still, this guy's been trying hard. He'll get there. Let's watch him over the next few days. I'm sure he'll become quite good indeed as he matures and learns from his mistakes.

Eternal damnation is something no one should want to face. You simply do not understand what you are talking about, what you will face in Hell when you die. Sins are not punished lightly. Nay, they are punished harshly, for Satan delights in being as cruel as possible to the lost souls in his grasp.
Now, how exactly do YOU know what hell is like? Without having been there, you have no proof. Even the bible doesn't explain what "Hell" is in any real terms.

Who or what is Pascal's wager?
You should beleiev in God because if you are wrong and there is no God, what harm will come of it? Where there is a problem if you don't If you are right, you will be in Heaven.

There's a current thread on it.

Now, how exactly do YOU know what hell is like? Without having been there, you have no proof. Even the bible doesn't explain what "Hell" is in any real terms.
I have seen it in my dreams. I have seen what happens to sinners when they die. It is precisely because of this that I come to preach now, to save you from such a horrible fate. I feel that these dreams were given to me by Jesus Christ our Lord, to tell me to be his messenger.

You should beleiev in God because if you are wrong and there is no God, what harm will come of it? Where there is a problem if you don't If you are right, you will be in Heaven.

There's a current thread on it.

That's pretty much it.

Your posts seem interesting and your comments will quickly gather you a small fan club should you keep them up.

I didn't mean you're going to have trouble, I mean you'll have a lot of fun on General. ;)


Cool, a fan club sounds nice
I'll sell hats
Make millions, then abandon you all to live like a queen in some third world nation

Such acts are abhorrant and disgusting. A homosexual in hell suffers one of the most horrid punishments of all. I cannot describe it, for no language can truly give word to the agony they face, but face it they do.

Explain it, torture fascinates me

BTW, is it too late to sign up for the inquisition?

Eternal damnation is something no one should want to face. You simply do not understand what you are talking about, what you will face in Hell when you die. Sins are not punished lightly. Nay, they are punished harshly, for Satan delights in being as cruel as possible to the lost souls in his grasp.

So how badly does a heretical bisexual Communist Jewish atheist blasphemer have it?

I fear I'm too deep in sin to escape at this point, but knowing where I'll end up will deal with some of the uncertainty. :)

I have seen it in my dreams. I have seen what happens to sinners when they die. It is precisely because of this that I come to preach now, to save you from such a horrible fate. I feel that these dreams were given to me by Jesus Christ our Lord, to tell me to be his messenger.

Unless you happen to be the good man himself, I think it's blasphemous to call oneself "All-Loving Christ".

You had the free will to choose whether or not to use the Lord's name in vain. And you blew it. Sorry man, pleading ignorance is not an excuse, you have the big book with you, look it up. Not that it'll change anything though.

I think the punishment for your minor transgression is hell for all eternity. Welcome to the club, bro.

I have seen it in my dreams. I have seen what happens to sinners when they die. It is precisely because of this that I come to preach now, to save you from such a horrible fate. I feel that these dreams were given to me by Jesus Christ our Lord, to tell me to be his messenger.
Oh come now. You could have cited papal teachings atleast. But "it came to me in a dream"? I had a dream where I was physically thrown off a cruise ship. That didn't happen in real life.
Not to mention, you shouldn't be saying you "feel" they were given to you by christ. Do you have faith or no?

And if you have legit had these dreams, I know a very good shrink. I suggest seeing him.

I have seen it in my dreams. I have seen what happens to sinners when they die. It is precisely because of this that I come to preach now, to save you from such a horrible fate. I feel that these dreams were given to me by Jesus Christ our Lord, to tell me to be his messenger.

Halucinations can often be cured by proper sleep and relaxation techniques, perhaps meditation would make you a better person.

Cool, a fan club sounds nice
I'll sell hats
Make millions, then abandon you all to live like a queen in some third world nation
yeah...you'll do quite well here. If you're cute, you'll get bonus points.


speaking of cute, wheres peech been?

I say to you all: come to our Lord, hear his message and believe in it, or face eternal damnation in the fiery pits of Hell!As a buddhist, I automatically go to hell. :D

Of course I am right. I have seen our Lord in my dreams. I have been touched by his presence.

Please show me on this doll exactly where he touched you.

I wonder if I can get him to touch me. I have a hole for him to fill, and it's not in my heart if you know what I mean. ;) Seeing all those images of him in his loin cloth hanging from that cross have fuled more that a few S&M fantasies.

Halucinations can often be cured by proper sleep and relaxation techniques, perhaps meditation would make you a better person.
These are not hallucinations. These are true visions given to me by our Lord. Do not attempt to sway me.

Sarkhaan: The Pope is a misguided fool. His teachings are flawed.

These are not hallucinations. These are true visions given to me by our Lord. Do not attempt to sway me.

Sarkhaan: The Pope is a misguided fool. His teachings are flawed.
Careful! Don't tread too hard on toes. You might cross the line from funny to actual flame.

I have seen it in my dreams.Wet dreams? Or just plain old 'ate too much pizza' dreams?

Wet dreams? Or just plain old 'ate too much pizza' dreams?
...your blatent attempts at sullying my visions with your sins of abhorrant sex disgust me to the extreme. Do not speak to me again.

These are not hallucinations. These are true visions given to me by our Lord. Do not attempt to sway me.

Sarkhaan: The Pope is a misguided fool. His teachings are flawed.
you really are baptist...


anyway, I wasn't refering to this pope, I was refering to the popes who served prior to the break between Catholic and Protestant churches. And even before the Catholic/Orthodox church split. Those are the founders of the faith as it came to be, afterall.

Verily I say unto thee, that God in his all knowing wisdom chose to cause my internet connection to fail. I wept greatly and in my sorrow threw myself at th efeet of the lord saying "Oh my Lord, why hast thou forbidden me to enter thy kingdom of the Internet?" And he said "For thy foul blaspheme, thou must repent and then reset thy internet router."

And so I did, and Lo I post before thee once again. My faith in the Lord and his good works restored. And so I say unto all thee sinners, REPENT! For the Lord is wrathful and shall disconnet thee from the Kingdom of the Internet and cast the to the Darkness of Real Life.

Just a brief browsing of these forums reveals that by far most of you are not Christians or practice Christianity, and those of you that do are merely pretenders, charletans trying to lure people away from the true message of Jesus Christ, our Lord. I say to you all: come to our Lord, hear his message and believe in it, or face eternal damnation in the fiery pits of Hell!
Okay. Eternity sounds like a long time to be burning, I'm sufficiently scared. I submit to your "All-loving Christ", just please don't punish me. I am really sorry. I now understand fully how much jesus loves me. Please don't hurt me.

I'm going to Hell? Excellent. That's where all my friends are going; Heaven would be boring.Exactly, why would anybody play with white fluffy foams?

Hell is fun, all the fun people go there.

These are not hallucinations. These are true visions given to me by our Lord. Do not attempt to sway me.

Sarkhaan: The Pope is a misguided fool. His teachings are flawed.

How dare you talk about Pope Benedict XVI that way! You sir are not a Christian. You are a Fundie.

[QUOTE=Sarkhaan]yeah...you'll do quite well here. If you're cute, you'll get bonus points.

...[QUOTE]

I shall not fall for your clever yet transparent ruse to get me to reveal myself to thee, sinner!

Okay. Eternity sounds like a long time to be burning, I'm sufficiently scared. I submit to your "All-loving Christ", just please don't punish me. I am really sorry. I now understand fully how much jesus loves me. Please don't hurt me.
Do not worry. I have no intentions of hurting you. Simply let Jesus Christ our Lord into your heart, cleanse yourself of all sins, and you shall be taken into Heaven by Him. I am glad that at least one person has seen the light.

Perish the thought! I'm sure the Devil will come up with something far more interesting for you, Colodia. Possibly forcing you to read NS without positing forever. ;)
Yeah, how dare he aspire for peace on earth! This life is about suffering and paying for the original sin. We aren't supposed to enjoy it. Colodia, you will burn in hell for your heathenistic peace-mongering:mad:

These are not hallucinations. These are true visions given to me by our Lord. Do not attempt to sway me.

Sarkhaan: The Pope is a misguided fool. His teachings are flawed.

Oh isn't that nice. You come here and try to sway the atheistic population here, but when they return the favor, you order them not to?

The world don't work that way.

...your blatent attempts at sullying my visions with your sins of abhorrant sex disgust me to the extreme. Do not speak to me again.ROFLMAO!!!!!!!! :D :D :D

You're too funny, boy.

These are not hallucinations. These are true visions given to me by our Lord. Do not attempt to sway me.

So, you're a prophet, everyone meet Joseph Smith Jr.

I wouldn't think of swaying you. After all, if you're right and end up in heaven, it obviously won't be a nice place to spend eternity. Imagine a whole bunch of sad and angry people like you. *shudder*

How dare you talk about Pope Benedict XVI that way! You sir are not a Christian. You are a Fundie.
well, technically, he's just protestant, as no protestant would put any faith in the pope.


Not to say that "fundie" is far from the truth, just that his rejection of the pope isn't a reason to classify him as not christian...

Just sayin.

How dare you talk about Pope Benedict XVI that way! You sir are not a Christian. You are a Fundie.
Oh, calm down. Remember, he's a troll trying to be funny. He'll probably avoid that particular toe to step on from now on. Or at least I hope he does. He's on his way to becoming a hilarious troll, and I'd hate to see his progress stopped.

Just a brief browsing of these forums reveals that by far most of you are not Christians or practice Christianity, and those of you that do are merely pretenders, charletans trying to lure people away from the true message of Jesus Christ, our Lord. I say to you all: come to our Lord, hear his message and believe in it, or face eternal damnation in the fiery pits of Hell!

This has all the artful sincerity of my friend Moishe doing his impression of Ralph Fiennes from Schindler's List...

...your blatent attempts at sullying my visions with your sins of abhorrant sex disgust me to the extreme. Do not speak to me again.Oh come, surely your faith is stronger than that? Didn't Christ himself move amongst the prostitutes, whores and outcasts?

I shall not fall for your clever yet transparent ruse to get me to reveal myself to thee, sinner!
can ya blame me? I'm just a lowly male!:p

well, technically, he's just protestant, as no protestant would put any faith in the pope.


Not to say that "fundie" is far from the truth, just that his rejection of the pope isn't a reason to classify him as not christian...

Just sayin.

I admit that he isn't no John Paul II, but comon, even if you're not Catholic, you should give some respect to the Papal office.

It is a GREAT honor to be the Pope.

I'm going to watch The Da Vinci Code. What do you think All-Loving Christ?

Oh come, surely your faith is stronger than that? Didn't Christ himself move amongst the prostitutes, whores and outcasts?
Christ himself is immune to such sin as he is our Lord. I am not. I am human. I must not allow myself near such sin, lest I be swayed from my faith.

Do not worry. I have no intentions of hurting you. Simply let Jesus Christ our Lord into your heart, cleanse yourself of all sins, and you shall be taken into Heaven by Him. I am glad that at least one person has seen the light.
Really, If I just submit and do as he says he won't punish me? Ok, I'll do it! Whatever you say, just please be merciful and spare my innocent soul from all of that terrible torture. Wow, thank god I discovered the love of jesus before I invoked his wrath. He is truly a great guy, so full of mercy, peace, and love.

Oh, calm down. Remember, he's a troll trying to be funny. He'll probably avoid that particular toe to step on from now on. Or at least I hope he does. He's on his way to becoming a hilarious troll, and I'd hate to see his progress stopped.

But even if you don't follow the Papal office, at least show it some respect.

Smith Jr? Can we start a christian sect where I can have a bunch of husbands?

It is after all a new era, and I think its only fair.

Christ himself is immune to such sin as he is our Lord. I am not. I am human. I must not allow myself near such sin, lest I be swayed from my faith.*hands him a condom*

I am glad that at least one person has seen the light.

Hey, ALC learned sarcasm.... or did he?

I admit that he isn't no John Paul II, but comon, even if you're not Catholic, you should give some respect to the Papal office.

It is a GREAT honor to be the Pope.
Eh...this guy hasn't done anything to earn my respect (for the record, I have my issues with JPII) However, I don't particularly respect any religious position just because it is high ranking, same as I don't respect a politician just for being high up.

not to say it isn't a great honor to be the pope...it is.

Just not to a sinning atheist like myself;)

23Eris: Please do not speak of homosexual acts in my presence. They are disgusting to an extreme, and I do not wish to hear of them.

Yeah, 23Eris, no talking about homosexual acts.

But can the rest of us still talk about homosexual acts? Cuz there was this one time, with this set of Latino twins and that Prussian transvestite belly dancer...

I'm going to watch The Da Vinci Code. What do you think All-Loving Christ?
I think you are subjecting yourself to a work of sin by a sinner who is truly dispicable.

Wilgrove: The Papal office has minor respect from me for being the original leader of Christianity on Earth. But I personally feel that the Pope is misguided.

So wait...

all that faith and you're afraid that just a single sexual reference might make you falter?

I think its pretty cool that a prostitue has more power than the word of god.

Eh...this guy hasn't done anything to earn my respect (for the record, I have my issues with JPII) However, I don't particularly respect any religious position just because it is high ranking, same as I don't respect a politician just for being high up.

not to say it isn't a great honor to be the pope...it is.

Just not to a sinning atheist like myself;)

Well Benedict XVI has only been in office for a little over a year. I'm sure JPII had a slow start too.

All I'm saying is that even if you don't agree with the Papal office, you shouldn't call the current Pope and old misguided fool. You could say "I do not agree with the Papal's teaching". That I would've accepted.

I think you are subjecting yourself to a work of sin by a sinner who is truly dispicable.

Wilgrove: The Papal office has minor respect from me for being the original leader of Christianity on Earth. But I personally feel that the Pope is misguided.

How is he "misguided"?

Christ himself is immune to such sin as he is our Lord. I am not. I am human. I must not allow myself near such sin, lest I be swayed from my faith.Were you not blessed with his holy spirit upon baptism? He is your shield and yet you declare him insufficient to protect you from the sins of the world. Such little faith you have.

Well Benedict XVI has only been in office for a little over a year. I'm sure JPII had a slow start too.

All I'm saying is that even if you don't agree with the Papal office, you shouldn't call the current Pope and old misguided fool. You could say "I do not agree with the Papal's teaching". That I would've accepted.
point granted, but that wouldn't make for a fun troll.

Okay, so I can't talk about homosexuals, but can I discuss sex with midgets?

I think you are subjecting yourself to a work of sin by a sinner who is truly dispicable.I'm a Buddhist.

C'mon now, I know Jesus has a wife.:D

Smith Jr? Can we start a christian sect where I can have a bunch of husbands?

It is after all a new era, and I think its only fair.

Actually, Polygyny and Polyandry (sp?) are passe..

Full poly marriages are much more fun. Alternatively, you just join us swingers, nothing like having a blonde, redhead and brunette at the same time. (My wife enjoys this too cause someone has to take care of their husbands!) :)

How is he "misguided"?

What you lesser beings fail to understand is that God does not condone any such blaspheme as "art" or "Conjecture" or, in fact, "Entertaining Fiction". Those are the creation of Lucifer himself and are used to corrupt your soul from within. Distance yourself from all non-Godly paintings, movies, books, and music and embrace the wholy (or is that holy) mediocre lack of skill that is modern Christian art.

Okay, so I can't talk about homosexuals, but can I discuss sex with midgets?

Wouldn't sex with a midgets be really awkward if you're not a midget?

Okay, so I can't talk about homosexuals, but can I discuss sex with midgets?
The sexual act is for reproduction, to give life. Any sexual act for fun, regardless of whom is involved, is sinful.

Rubina: ...

You are correct. I have been sinning by not fully believing in my Lord. Jesus, please forgive me this sin. My faith shall henceforth be unweilding.

What you lesser beings fail to understand is that God does not condone any such blaspheme as "art" or "Conjecture" or, in fact, "Entertaining Fiction". Those are the creation of Lucifer himself and are used to corrupt your soul from within. Distance yourself from all non-Godly paintings, movies, books, and music and embrace the wholy (or is that holy) mediocre lack of skill that is modern Christian art.

Huh? :confused:

C'mon now, I know Jesus has a wife.:DNo, no. I heard that Jesus was gay. Why else do you think there weren't any little Jesulettes running around? ;)

Actually, Polygyny and Polyandry (sp?) are passe..

Full poly marriages are much more fun. Alternatively, you just join us swingers, nothing like having a blonde, redhead and brunette at the same time. (My wife enjoys this too cause someone has to take care of their husbands!) :)

No swingers! I want four completely devout slav- er, husbands to do all my bidding and sign over their paychecks.

Well, this seems like and interesting enough thread to make my first post, so hello. :)

Bottom line, in my opinion:

There are many, many religions in the world. They all work for those who follow them. Most of them claim that their god/goddess is the only one...yet they all work for the followers.

The logical conclusion is that the validity of the religion is within the person practicing whichever religion it is they choose to practice. Obviously all gods/goddesses can't be the only one all at the same time.

Faith in the religion is what makes it work for each individual - not the religion itself. Therefore, all religions are valid and invalid at the same time, and all survive on faith alone.

The sexual act is for reproduction, to give life. Any sexual act for fun, regardless of whom is involved, is sinful.I'm sleeping with you.

I'm a Buddhist.

C'mon now, I know Jesus has a wife.:D


A wife???? But I thought he was gay. :D See link...

http://www.spiritrestoration.org/Church/All%20About%20Church%20Articles/Was-Jesus-Gay.htm

The sexual act is for reproduction, to give life. Any sexual act for fun, regardless of whom is involved, is sinful.

But what if I'm laying there, all bored and grudginly permitting my husband to inseminate me so as to increase the size of God's army, and, like, something funny comes on TV or something? What if I accidentally laugh and have fun during sex? Will I burn in hell eternally?

You are correct. I have been sinning by not fully believing in my Lord. Jesus, please forgive me this sin. My faith shall henceforth be unweilding.
Jesus reads the NS forums? I bet he's LG...

Damn!

Okay, can I have sex for reproduction but 'accidentally' drop a birth control pill down my throat and then enjoy the sex? Is that still sinful?

No, no. I heard that Jesus was gay. Why else do you think there weren't any little Jesulettes running around? ;)Hmmmm... good point. :p

But what if I'm laying there, all bored and grudginly permitting my husband to inseminate me so as to increase the size of God's army, and, like, something funny comes on TV or something? What if I accidentally laugh and have fun during sex? Will I burn in hell eternally?
Don't watch T.V. during sex, silly.

The sexual act is for reproduction, to give life. Any sexual act for fun, regardless of whom is involved, is sinful.

What does God have against fun?

Hey TG, you beat me to the question ;-)

No swingers! I want four completely devout slav- er, husbands to do all my bidding and sign over their paychecks.

OK so you're into BDSM relationships. That can be fun to! Nothing like a little sub to crouch at your feet.

A wife???? But I thought he was gay. :D See link...

http://www.spiritrestoration.org/Church/All%20About%20Church%20Articles/Was-Jesus-Gay.htm
Dude, I'm adding this linky to my sig. :D

What does God have against fun?
ED it would seem...

No, no. I heard that Jesus was gay. Why else do you think there weren't any little Jesulettes running around? ;)

And all those male disciples, too. What else were they doing, following him around like that?

But if I don't watch TV, I might enjoy the sex, then I'll go to hell!

What does God have against fun?
Sex is for reproduction. Sex that does not create life denies new life the chance to exist. Thus, you are murdering by proxy. It is sinful to do so. Abortion is especially sinful, for the life barely has a chance to exist before it is slain without a chance to fend for itself.

What does God have against fun?

Fun, like art, is the creation of Lucifer. If we were to have fun, we would all become pot-smoking anarchists who murdered kittens on an hourly schedule. Society would break down, buildings would crumble, and we would all be sent to burn in the fires of the really, really, really bad place.

Prevent the kitten Haulocaust.

I like kittens! SAVE THE KITTENS OR FACE MY WRATH!

Sex is for reproduction. Sex that does not create life denies new life the chance to exist. Thus, you are murdering by proxy. It is sinful to do so. Abortion is especially sinful, for the life barely has a chance to exist before it is slain without a chance to fend for itself.
what about a barren woman or sterile man? What about one that doesn't end in conception? or miscarriage?

Dude, I'm adding this linky to my sig. :D

Amen! Spread the word of Gay Jesus, brother. Testify! :p

Don't watch T.V. during sex, silly.

But... I need it to distract me to keep me from having fun.

Maybe I'll start reading computer manuals or filling out my tax forms during sex instead. That'll cut the headboard-shaking, fingernails-down-the-back, neighbor-waking fun down to a minimum and secure me a place in heaven.

Fun, like art, is the creation of Lucifer. If we were to have fun, we would all become pot-smoking anarchists who murdered kittens on an hourly schedule. Society would break down, buildings would crumble, and we would all be sent to burn in the fires of the really, really, really bad place.

Prevent the kitten Haulocaust.
I'll bring the keg.

What if he pulls out by accident? Or if he you know, goes off prematurely? Is that a sin? I mean think of all those sperm that could have been fertilizing my eggs.

Damn men, they're all killers! *cries*

But if I don't watch TV, I might enjoy the sex, then I'll go to hell!

This time YOU beat ME.

Hmm, in the context of this conversation, that comment could be misconstrued. :rolleyes:

But... I need it to distract me to keep me from having fun.

Maybe I'll start reading computer manuals or filling out my tax forms during sex instead. That'll cut the headboard-shaking, fingernails-down-the-back, neighbor-waking fun down to a minimum and secure me a place in heaven.
:eek:


*ahem*

I'll just be a minute...

At first I was all like, 'Haha satire, funny!' and then I read the name of the person posting it, now I'm not so sure.

But anyway. On with it. By condemming a person you've never met, or even some that you have met, to hell, you're acting as if you're equal to God, as if you know his wishes, and you know what he will or will not do on judgement day, which you don't.

For all you know, he could be just as pissed off with you for trying to shove your ideals down other's throats, as he is with me for 'not living in a sinless life'.

You can't know, because you've not met him. ;o

And all those male disciples, too. What else were they doing, following him around like that?Yeah, "spreading the Word" was just code for all that lovely homo-sex.

Sadly I missed about 5 pages and I didn't miss much at all.

Except for the idea of filling out tax forms during sex. Might have to try that, it may make the damn things make sense for once.

A miscarriage is the mother's fault for failing to care for her body, and thus she has murdered her child just as much as if she had gotten an abortion.

Seriously, if I saw you in person, I would kick your ass for saying something like that.

Sex is for reproduction.

Bonobos don't think so. Why should we? Because the deity seeks to minimize our pleasure? He gave us this boring, depressing Earth; if He thinks we shouldn't seek what pleasure we can on it, well, too bad for Him.

Sex that does not create life denies new life the chance to exist. Thus, you are murdering by proxy. It is sinful to do so.

So we should all seek to maximize the number of babies we have, so as to avoid murder by proxy?

Question for All-Loving Christ:

If I had anal sex with a woman (or man), is that illegal according to your fundamentalist christian laws? :p

the headboard-shaking, fingernails-down-the-back, neighbor-waking fun

Skip heaven, come visit me!

A miscarriage is the mother's fault for failing to care for her body, and thus she has murdered her child just as much as if she had gotten an abortion. Failure to concieve is sinful, but forgiveable if they were truly attempting to concieve.. A barren woman or a sterile man must simply be chaste, as they are not able to concieve.the majority of miscarriages are not the mothers fault in any way. Actually, the majority of conceptions naturally abort before reaching the fetus stage.

What of natural stillbirths?

I dare you to go to a woman who had a miscarriage or stillbirth and call them a sinner. Luckily, for the stillbirth, you should already be in a hospital.

Seriously, if I saw you in person, I would kick your ass for saying something like that.
Yes, that line was just a wee bit too far. Tone it down, ALC.

Only if you failed to concieve duing anal sex, unless you really were trying your best to do so.

Fun, like art, is the creation of Lucifer.

Hail Lucifer, then. He seems to be a much better fellow than the alternative.

A miscarriage is the mother's fault for failing to care for her body, and thus she has murdered her child just as much as if she had gotten an abortion.
Careful, you're getting really close to the line for flamebating there, especially with folks who have, or know someone who has, suffered though a miscarriage.

Skip heaven, come visit me!

Happily spoken for, thanks.:D

This is a fun game. Offend the pretend fundie!

Careful, you're getting really close to the line for flamebating there, especially with folks who have, or know someone who has, suffered though a miscarriage.

Indeed

Seriously, if I saw you in person, I would kick your ass for saying something like that.
If I have offended you with my beliefs, please forgive me. I shall not say that again, out of respect for you. You may be sinful, but I do not hate you. Jesus Christ teaches us to hate the sin and love the sinner, and I have not been following this as well as I should have.

Yeah, "spreading the Word" was just code for all that lovely homo-sex.

Yes, "word" was a slang word in ancient Rome for c ... uh ...nevermind. :D

Only if you failed to concieve duing anal sex, unless you really were trying your best to do so.
That just brought a really bad mental image to mind. :P

So anyway, yesterday these two guys were making out at the bar I went to with my roommate. Sadly, they were both hot.

Why can't only the ugly men be gay?

A miscarriage is the mother's fault for failing to care for her body, and thus she has murdered her child just as much as if she had gotten an abortion. Failure to concieve is sinful, but forgiveable if they were truly attempting to concieve.. A barren woman or a sterile man must simply be chaste, as they are not able to concieve.

You need a biology lesson, every healthy fertile human loses gametes, with or without sex. IIRC, for females it's in the hundreds and males the hundred-thousands.

A barren woman or a sterile man must simply be chaste, as they are not able to concieve.

How would they know they were sterile unless they ... um ... had some fun.

Yeah, "spreading the Word" was just code for all that lovely homo-sex.

Naturally. But twelve? Maybe that Jesus really was the Son of God, if He could manage that.

So anyway, yesterday these two guys were making out at the bar I went to with my roommate. Sadly, they were both hot.

Why can't only the ugly men be gay?
It would kill the yaoi market?

What we need, is to get these fundies liquored up and send them into a gay bar.

yeah, I'm biting my tongue here. pretty hard too. I just remind myself that he clearly has no idea of science, or else he wouldn't claim that a miscarriage is the mothers fault, and therefore, she is a murderer.
He apologized. I think we should let that little matter drop. I doubt the person pulling the strings intended to go that far with his words.

Why can't only the ugly men be gay?

Because not all of us who enjoy hot males are female.

Jesus Christ teaches us to hate the sin and love the sinner I'm a sinner, do you still love me. We had a*** s** last night. :D

Why can't only the ugly men be gay?

Bite your tounge!

yeah, I'm biting my tongue here. pretty hard too. I just remind myself that he clearly has no idea of science, or else he wouldn't claim that a miscarriage is the mothers fault, and therefore, she is a murderer.
Gotta admit though, he recovered himself nicely.

Hmm, might garner him a warning when the Mods sweep through though.

Happily spoken for, thanks.:D

This is a fun game. Offend the pretend fundie!

Me too ut, I guess you're monogamous,..... Drat!

Naturally. But twelve? Maybe that Jesus really was the Son of God, if He could manage that.

Maybe it's one of his Super Best Friends powers.

It's a cucumber, it's a banana, it's SUPER JESUS.

Sorry, was that over the line? ;-)

I wish I were barren darnit, but then i'd have to become a nun and be married to god.

I don't think its fair that god gets to have like hundreds of wives (seriously, how many nuns are left anyway?). Oh and is god any good in bed?

Wow... new troll in the place and I missed the fun. :eek:

He apologized. I think we should let that little matter drop. I doubt the person pulling the strings intended to go that far with his words.
yeah, I just saw the apology...I'm gonna delete that post...unfortunatly, I'm on the phone while typing here, so my replys are a little delayed.

Bite your tounge!

Sorry!

Maybe it's one of his Super Best Friends powers.

It's a cucumber, it's a banana, it's SUPER JESUS.

Sorry, was that over the line? ;-)
Justa wee bit. ;)

Gotta admit though, he recovered himself nicely.

Hmm, might garner him a warning when the Mods sweep through though.
yeah, he did so I got rid of that post. Wonder if the mods will be sweeping this one....hmm....

Maybe it's one of his Super Best Friends powers.

It's a cucumber, it's a banana, it's SUPER JESUS.

Sorry, was that over the line? ;-)

Okay, that was the funniest thing I've read in a long time.

But you'll burn for it, most assuredly. :)

I'm a sinner, do you still love me. We had a*** s** last night. :D
Of course. I pity you, and hope that in time you come to see the light and take Jesus into your heart, but I do not hate you for your sins. Hating someone for their sins would go against the teachings of my Lord, and my faith will not allow me to do that.

Wow... new troll in the place and I missed the fun. :eek:
Welcome to the best thread on earth (I think).

Wow... new troll in the place and I missed the fun. :eek:
Never too late to join the fun, Cabra.

You are all going to hell. I have seen the light and repented from my sinful ways.

I shal no longer have sex for pleasure. Instead, I will just use toys.

Of course. I pity you, and hope that in time you come to see the light and take Jesus into your heart, but I do not hate you for your sins. Hating someone for their sins would go against the teachings of my Lord, and my faith will not allow me to do that.SWEET! C'mon, bend over...

yeah, he did so I got rid of that post. Wonder if the mods will be sweeping this one....hmm....
With the title and post count? Oh yeah. I'm sure they'll be along if he doesn't get himself reported here sooner or later.

Whoa, no lube...

*covers eyes*

You are all going to hell. I have seen the light and repented from my sinful ways.

I shal no longer have sex for pleasure. Instead, I will just use toys.

Let me know what you need, my wife sells them.

Sorry!

Well alright then. :fluffle:

You are all going to hell. I have seen the light and repented from my sinful ways.

I shal no longer have sex for pleasure. Instead, I will just use toys.
Hold! Remember any toy that takes batteries is sinful and will cause you to burn as electricity is surely the tool of Satan!

*SNIP* Instead, I will just use toys.

*snorts apple cinnamon tea up nose*

That hurt, dammit.

Let me know what you need, my wife sells them.You're so damn lucky.

Oh, yeah, funny, this is all REAL funny now.

But wait until you go too far and hurt real Gay Jesus's feelings. Think about that, because every goddamn one of you knows how pissy He gets when you make an issue out of His cockchugging.

Remember last summer, somebody said something about Him not going to the pride parade, and He got mad?

For two fucking months, he wouldn't come down from his loft. There was no Swing Dancing on the mount, no water into Merlot, no raising of the dead actors and artists...this year he was going to resurrect Freddie Mercury. Freddy Fucking Mercury, you people!

And you've all gotta pull this crap now, when Lesbian Shiva has been working the last two weekends to put together his "Coming Out Anniversary Party Where Nobody SHould Mention He's Gay" party at Club Krave!

You people are assholes.

SWEET! C'mon, bend over...
Do not tempt me. I will not sin, and you cannot force me to sin.

With the title and post count? Oh yeah. I'm sure they'll be along if he doesn't get himself reported here sooner or later.
...looking back, it seems he deleted the post. Good show for him.

What if I take the batteries out and don't turn it on?

Or if I just find a fruit or something. Didn't god say that we get all the things of the earth or some such nonsense?

Oh, yeah, funny, this is all REAL funny now.

But wait until you go too far and hurt real Gay Jesus's feelings. Think about that, because every goddamn one of you knows how pissy He gets when you make an issue out of His cockchugging.

Remember last summer, somebody said something about Him not going to the pride parade, and He got mad?

For two fucking months, he wouldn't come down from his loft. There was no Swing Dancing on the mount, no water into Merlot, no raising of the dead actors and artists...this year he was going to resurrect Freddie Mercury. Freddy Fucking Mercury, you people!

And you've all gotta pull this crap now, when Lesbian Shiva has been working the last two weekends to put together his "Coming Out Anniversary Party Where Nobody SHould Mention He's Gay" party at Club Krave!

You people are assholes.
ごめんなさい！

Do not tempt me. I will not sin, and you cannot force me to sin.Jesus is gay, he did it too...

You're so damn lucky.

Yeah, get to watch girl-girl sex, test new products and have small intimate (or not) orgies.

Life is good!

AND I get to sleep in Sunday's,... assuming I've gone to sleep.

...looking back, it seems he deleted the post. Good show for him.
He's getting better, yup!

What if I take the batteries out and don't turn it on?

Or if I just find a fruit or something. Didn't god say that we get all the things of the earth or some such nonsense?
I just grabbed a banana...can I get you one?